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Robin showed up late and Howard repeated what he was saying about not getting sleep. Robin said she didn't either. Howard said it's going to be a miserable show then.
Howard said he got up and read the NY Times on his Kindle. He said he loves that Kindle. He can blow up the letters so they're easy to read. He said he enjoys that and he was reading about some girl whose name is Emma Chamberlain and she got on YouTube and posted her life on there. He said people are interested in that kind of thing. He said she said this has turned into a big thing for her and she made a lot of money off of that. He said she has her own coffee company and got her own deal with Spotify and things like that. He said she's been on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and things. He said she was saying she wants to cut back now. He said she feels weird being on there because if she makes any kind of mistake she gets all kinds of hate on the internet. He said she said she's afraid of putting her private thoughts on there. He said Emma has 12 million followers on YouTube and that's pretty amazing if you think about it. He said she's drinking coffee and just hanging out. Robin said that is amazing that you can attract that many people not singing or dancing or any of that stuff.
Howard said he kind of understood her saying she wants to give it up. He said when he started out he didn't have to deal with the internet. He said he got letters and stuff but that's not the same. Robin said they would complain to the FCC and that caused trouble. Howard said if he had to deal with that internet thing when he was starting out he doesn't know how it would have gone.
Howard said this Emma gave a quote to the newspaper about why she's thinking about giving it up. Howard read through that statement and part of it got to him. He said it was about the psychological harm it was causing her. Howard said people go over it and they pick apart anything you say. He said it's a constant voting on a personality. He said he kind of understood what she was saying. Robin said she gets it completely. She said it's such an invasion to put everything out there online for people's entertainment. Howard said she has that coffee company and a deal with Spotify too.
Robin said she was reading about Selena Gomez and how she has the most followers on one of those services out there. She said she was even surpassing one of the Kardashian girls. Robin said she had that title before she took a break from social media and then she got back on it and now she's number 1 again. She said she just decided to take another break from social media. Howard asked what she's doing on there. Robin said she's sharing her life. Howard said he might have to follow her. Robin said she had like 350 million followers. She said she could do a lot with that many followers. Howard said he's not sure who she is but she must be important if she has that many followers.
Howard said he used to brag about having 21 million listeners on terrestrial radio. He said that was huge for them but it's nothing when it comes to social media. He said Selena laughs at him over those numbers. He said she has the entire United States listening to her.
Howard said she could get everyone to move to Canada and call it Gomezland or something. He said he should watch what he says.
Howard said Spotify had this weird thing going on. He said they created an Artificial Intelligence DJ. He said they don't use DJs over there so they developed this thing to do the work. He said he thought it was an interesting idea but he wasn't able to get it. He said they just took some DJ there and sampled his voice and mannerisms and he's now the voice of the AI DJ.
Howard said he finally got to hear some clips and this guy is super annoying. Howard played a clip of the AI DJ and said they went to Jose and Madison there at Sirius and asked what they thought about this. Howard played a clip of Jose Mangin talking about how there is no soul there and that's what they have over this AI thing. Howard said they're working on a bit right now. He said he thinks there are cool applications for AI but his favorite thing is when Tom Morello goes on Lithium and talks about music and his life. He said with AI he wants to talk to his TV set and ask it to do things like put things on for him. He said he'd like to ask it to record stuff instead of having to program it.
Howard said he likes being able to go on AI and having it write a thank you note or something. He said he thinks that stuff is useful. He said Tom Morello can't be replaced. He said the guy has interesting stories to tell.
Robin said she was reading about AI and some day there won't be a person writing scripts. Howard said they did that. Robin said that will be the norm one day. She said some day they'll talk to the computer about your ideas and it will make things up for you. She said it'll be interactive. Robin said the editing will be done by AI as well. She said they can do the visual and they won't have to sit in an editing room. Howard said that concerns him. He said he doesn't like that. He said when someone is struggling to get the words out it can lead to other things. He said who the hell knows.
Howard said they played that Seinfeld AI thing the other day and some of the jokes weren't that bad. He said maybe it won't be so bad over time. Robin said she's not sure where it's going to go. Howard said they've been screwing around with it and they have this ChatGPT thing going. He said it can help you write. He said they asked it to write something as Ronnie Mund. He said it gave them a warning about his language. He said it thought he was way worse than Hitler.
Howard said this is Jose and Madison talking about the AI thing. Howard replayed Jose's comments that he started earlier. Jose was going on about why human hosts are so much better than the AI.
Howard said they asked ChatGPT to write out something a DJ who is angry about AI would say. He said it came out pretty good. Howard played a clip of a computer voice reading the script it wrote. Howard said that was written by a computer.
Howard said this is Booker from California commenting on the AI thing. In the clip Booker was talking about how you need the human touch when it comes to a DJ. He said he's sure that you can find someone who sounds like him but you won't get the nuance.
Howard said we'll see what happens. He answered a knock at the door and it was fake Jennifer Witz who was laughing and told him not to get comfortable over there. She said they can replace him with a new AI. She said she's not messing around. She said she can buy six hot tubs with the money she'll save on six DJs. Howard closed the door on her a short time later.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she had to call about that Chamberlain woman. She said that things are scary these days and she's afraid of saying the wrong thing in school where she teaches. Howard said that there is a paranoia in the country right now. He said there are so many jerks out there. He said that his wife has to deal with so many stupid mother fuckers in this segment of society. He said this woman, Lee, is right. He said she's a teacher who has to go to school and thing very carefully about what she says. He said he's be afraid that one of these fuckers would make up a story about him. He said it's really weird. Robin said with the AI you can't tell if it's a real person or not saying it.
Lee said that kids can put stuff up that's not real. She said she's trembling right now as she's pulling into work. Howard said the active shooter thing is a scary thing too. He said they really should have metal detectors at school. He said they had him in his school when he was growing up. He said they had some sort of program there and it was like a person. He said as a stop gap they have to do something like that. He said everyone going through the same doors every morning is something they should do. He said the need a metal detector. He said it is a level of deterrent. Howard said he knows because he's a gun owner and people do need to protect themselves so in the mean time they may not be able to get that sorted out. He said background checks would be a boost. He said they have to get something going at schools. He said just walk thought a metal detector. He said it would be a big inconvenience but come on.
Howard said they had a six year old shoot a teacher last month. He said he gets how tough it can be as a teacher.
Howard said they had a Day of Hate going last week. He said it was about the Jews. He said it's crazy out there. Howard jokingly said Fred celebrated that day. He said he had a party over at his house. He said he wasn't invited.
Howard wished Lee luck in school today. He said bring some bear spray with her. Howard said he has friends who have that when they go on walks. He said if you use that stuff it's something that makes it hard to breathe. He said the people who use it end up spaying themselves.
Howard said even bear spray is something you have to practice using. He said people don't realize that. He said it's like a gun and it takes practice.
Howard said a lot of people are walking around carrying shit they think will save them and it won't. He said even knives can get to you very quickly and it only takes a few seconds. He said you have to pull that bear spray out and you may not have time.
Howard said it may work if you see a bear coming at you from a mile away. He said it's really bad stuff. He said if the wind is blowing you're in big trouble.
Howard said Jon Leiberman sat down with producer Butch Walker and played him the song. He said Butch said that band reminds him of Alice in Chains. Howard said he must be on to something. He played the clip where Butch heard the clip and said it sounds really good to him and it would think it was an Alice in Chains song.
Howard said he will be going into the studio to do a new song called Metamucil Man. He said you'll see how this goes. He said he may have hit on something. Robin said she's falling in love with the song and she's upset about that. Howard said he thinks he did the right thing by getting rid of Fred. He said he's sorry to Fred. Fred said he's not sure how kicking him out made it better. Howard said Fred was bringing everyone down. Fred said when they hear his song with Robin that will make people change their minds. He said maybe Robin is changing her mind over the whole thing with him though. Robin said not at all but she had to say what she was feeling.
Howard said if Fred has a hit song with Robin he will fire him. He said that he spent years with him and had nothing.
Howard took a call from a guy who was going on and on about how much he likes the show and stuff so Howard had to cut him off and got him to the subject of his call. The caller was talking about schools and what they're trying to get them to stop doing and how they won't have gun checks and things. Howard cut him off and told him to be safe out there. He said he just said basically everything he said. He said he did tell you that he is in a grumpy mood today. He said AI Howard may not be in a grump mood ever.
Howard said he should get to some fan feedback. He said that people wrote in about P!nk. He read a few comments from people like Jimmy Jam and Tabitha Stevens. He said Tabitha looks really good. He said he checked her out after seeing her comments. He said it's pretty amazing. He played some clips of her songs while he was reading the feedback about her.
Howard said people wrote in about Robin's cover of one of the P!nk songs. He played Robin singing her cover of Trustfall. Howard said Robin has range and emotion. He said she has a lot of life experience and it comes through in her music. He said he's looking forward to her collaboration with Fred.
Howard read some feedback about the Lenny Dykstra stuff they played last week. He read through some of that feedback. Howard said some of the fans think he should not be held in such high regard.
Howard said a lot of people wrote in about King of All Blacks and his Black or Whack game. He read through some of that and the fans didn't seem to like the bit. Howard said Angry Alice was all over the place with her comments about King of All Blacks. He played the audio of her talking about how out of touch King is. She was calling him names and telling him to go to hell.
Howard said that they did talk about Radiohead's song ''Creep'' and the 30th anniversary of that song. He said the fans liked that. He read through some of that feedback. He said they took Gary's clearing of the throat and put that into the song. He said the fans liked that. He replayed that clip too. Howard said he may use that phlegmy clip in his new Metamucil Man song.
Howard said he knows he has to write a song about something he's passionate about. He said he is passionate about Metamucil. He said that he was told that he had to eat more fiber and he started taking that.
Howard said JD is refusing to talk about this. JD got on and ended up talking about it even though Howard thought he wasn't going to. Howard asked some questions about the girl and found out she was fairly good looking and things like that. JD said the whole thing for him was that it was a power thing for him. He said that was the turn on.
Howard asked if he was turned on while the dog was licking. JD said he thinks so. He said he can't remember. Ronnie said he thought he was the only weirdo. Howard said when he watches porn he doesn't even want to see some dude. He said he's not looking to see a dog at all. He said JD is a special kind of freak in a way. JD said thank you. He was ready to go.
Howard took a call from the dog who licked the pussy. The guys were playing dog barking clips to answer Howard's questions. Howard asked a bunch of questions about the licking incident and things like that.
Howard said they have more creepy moments from the show to play. Ronnie asked where JD is going. JD said he doesn't like thinking about this or publicizing it. He said he doesn't want to talk about it. He said the person who went ahead of him in the confession thing had Howard putting him down. He said he was trying not to get yelled at and he stupidly said it and he's regretted it ever since.
Howard answered a knock at the door and had fake Owen Wilson talking about JD's thing and JD disappeared. Howard said he can't ask JD about it. JD said there's nothing else to say about it. He said he has to hear about this for another 12 years or however much longer this show goes on.
Ronnie said his dog licked his asshole while he was doing his girlfriend years ago. He said he talked about that. Howard said Ronnie jerked off to his parents having a threesome. He said take it easy.
Howard took a call from Chris Wilding who was doing his Blue Iris impression and asking JD to do things to her.
Howard played the clip of Ronnie talking about that time he jerked off after catching his parents in a threesome. Howard said Ronnie embraces his creepiness. Howard said he found out his parents were swingers and he found out his mother was putting up with this other woman. He said he just pulls down his pants and starts whacking off.
JD said if he felt it was more of him and how he is it would be easier to embrace. Howard said he's an animal lover so that's what bothered him about it.
Howard said the third creepy moment was Sal. He said this is where Sal revealed he jerked off to his aunt shitting in the bathroom. Howard played a clip from that day.
Sal said you have to think like a perverted young boy to do what he did. Howard said if he wants to give a speech now it's fine. Sal said he'll pass on that right now.
Howard said they have had some real creepy moments on the show. He said for Sal he'll sing a song. He sang about how he's the creepiest guy on the show. He said that they should arrest him immediately. Sal said he's jerking off to Robin right now.
Howard said another topic the fans wrote in about was the Bruce Willis dementia thing. He read through some of the comments about that.
Howard said people wrote in about his time in Vietnam. He ended up making up more stories about being over there. He talked about wiping out a whole village over there and how they left the kids to survive. He had stories about having the kids jumping rope with their parent's entrails and things like that.
Howard was going on and on with the made up stories about being over there. He said it's painful to talk about. He asked Robin to stop pushing him.
Howard said he was the jokester over there. He said he remembers killing an entire village and one boy was left there. He said he was an orphan there and he made a Mr. Potato Head out of an actual head so the kid would have a toy to play with. He said it was horrible. He said at the time it was the best thing he could do to make the kid happy.
Howard said he has a trophy room that his wife wants him to get rid of. He said he was in a hand to hand combat situation where he chopped a guy's arm off and he still has that to this day. He said he uses it as a selfie stick now. Howard said he impregnated 49 women over there too. He said that he has a lot of kids running around over there. He said he thinks one of them is a Webcam girl and she did something with peanut butter with JD. Howard said he really should stop talking about this. He said it's too painful.
Howard took a call from a Jim from North Carolina who asked who he would take to an island if he had to choose one of the guys. Howard said he'd take Ronnie. He said Gary talks too much. He said he could open coconuts with his teeth though. He said Ronnie is a good conversationalist. He said he feels like he would be able to survive out in the wild. He said he was in the military. Jim said that he is over sexed though. Howard said he would sleep very far away from him. Jim said that he thinks Fred would be good. Howard said Fred won't shut up when he does end up talking. Fred said at least he wouldn't be on an island. He said Ronnie was in the air force so that doesn't quality you for being in the jungle. Robin said he was a bow hunter too. Howard said that's right. Fred said you know he's going to rape you in the night too. Jim laughed. Howard said he doesn't know that. He said that was a good question.
Jim said what's interesting about Fred is that we know less about him now than we did 30 years ago. Howard said Fred doesn't share a lot of information. He said he does call him once a year off the air and that's more than enough. Jim asked what they talk about. Howard said it's quite illuminating. He said that he does it well and he's got a lot of things going on. He said in about 7 months he'll call Fred again and see what's going on.
Howard asked Fred what he has to talk about. Fred mentioned the song he's going to do with Robin. Howard said it's that again huh. He cut him off and thanked him. Fred said enjoy that fucking in the ass from Ronnie on the island. Howard laughed.
Howard said he was up a bunch of times peeing last night. He said they have drugs that can help with that. He talked about taking drugs that would knock you out. He said that he used to take Ambien and that shit really knocked you out. He said it was scary stuff. He said it really fucked his sleep cycle up. He said it was good that it knocked your ass out. He said some people take Melatonin but he knows that won't work for him. He said he was afraid of Ambien. He said he had a friend who took it and started acting weird on it.
Howard said jerking off helps him go to sleep. He said that's what works for him. Robins said you can't do that 3 times in a night hough. Howard said he has to pee and he goes back to sleep after a few drops dribble out. Howard said he has to take a break and get to more stuff.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and talked about the song they had playing. Howard said this was a live version from Central Park. He said he thinks they were dating at the time. Howard said they did date for a few months in 1998. He said that Sheryl is hot and she can sing. He said he's not sure why they would break up. Robin said Eric may have said some weird stuff because he has said that lately. Robin said he said something about England being a white country and he's not sure why there are immigrants there.
Howard said there was a news story this morning about how this COVID may have been a lab leak from over in China. He said that upsets him so much. He said China just does shit and unleashes this shit on the world. He said it's like fuck you when you read that. He said as many precautions as we take in our labs they don't. Howard said our scientists are awesome. He said it makes him insane when he reads this. He said they say they had low confidence that it was accidentally released. Robin said it may have been an intentional thing. Howard said there is no repercussion for this. He said imagine that. He said there's nothing you can do about it. He said all of this was so unnecessary.
Howard said he'd like to think if he was emperor he could clear this stuff up. He said he doesn't want to just be president. He said he wants to be emperor.
Howard said he was watching American Idol and Katy Perry looks really good after losing a lot of weight. He said she was wearing tight pants and looking nice. He said she's an attractive gal. Robin said she was always going to snap back.
Howard said he has trouble with his weight and he just went up 3 pounds for no reason. He said he has cut back on his lunch by 2/3. He said he used to have a nice lunch but not anymore. He said he goes for a 3-4 mile walk and nothing helps. He said he was up by 3 pounds when he woke up at 3 in the morning. Robin said maybe it was his lack of sleep. She said maybe it wouldn't have shown that if he weighted him self in the morning.
Howard said his doodies get real big when he's eating too much. He said he has miniscule doodies now so he must be eating the right amount. He said sometimes he looks in the bowl and it looks like someone snuck in and went in the bowl before him.
Howard said he and his wife are watching 1000 Pound Sisters again. He said it's crazy but Tammy got approved for surgery. He said the sister Amy keeps calling COVID ''Covik.'' He said he's not sure how they get that so wrong. He said they can't be real. He asked how you go through life like that. He said they had a commercial for The Amish Life during that show commercial. He said that he can't get started with the Amish. He said he has I Am Jazz but he's not watching that so much. He said she gained too much weight. He said she finally got surgery and she's full trans and she was looking great but then she ballooned up and gained weight. He said he can't handle it.
Howard said he likes Jazz and her whole demeanor but Hunter Shaffer is someone he's into. He said he's one of her followers. He said that she's great because she does a lot of bikini and panty shots. He said she does wild outfits and stuff. Howard said you see a lot of her modeling shoots and stuff. He said he likes her feed. He said Robin should follow her. Robin said she's not interested in silly things.
Howard said he saw a crazy guy on Instagram. He said this one guy goes up to black people can calls them ''boy'' while they're grocery shopping. He said he tells them to get him something and provokes them into getting upset with him. Howard said he doesn't get it. He said he got upset watching it. He said he had to stop. Robin said he's doing it during black history month too. Howard said that's right. He said it reminds you of the history of black people in this country so that's the one good thing.
Howard said there's another guy on the internet who walks around in supermarkets with a fart machine and he'll put his leg in the air and he'll let one rip. He said then you watch people react to it. He said he wishes he remembers the guy's name. He said you have to see this. He said his wife thinks he's farting but it's this guy's videos. He said that some people go after him. He said that one guy said ''good for you'' and tells him he's good at it.
Howard said he's giggling the whole time and his wife wonders how he can do that over and over. He said she came over and started laughing too. He said Robin would love it too. Robin said she doesn't think so. She doesn't like people bothering people. Howard said he knows. He said he feels bad.
Howard said his mom used to hate Candid Camera. He said they used to prank people on this show. Robin said they were clever. Howard said he loved that show and back in those days you had to wait for it to come on TV. Robin said you had to catch it when it came on. Howard said he would watch and his mother would come over and give him a hard time about it. He said she would complain about it and he'd get bummed that he was enjoying it. He said she killed it for him. He did his impression of his mother while he was going through all of that.
Howard said his mother ruined Johnny Carson for him too. He said she didn't like him so she ruined him for him. He said that she'd say he wasn't funny and he was smug and all of that. He said she hated Carson and Candid Camera. He said she had such a definite opinion.
Howard took a call from a guy who had some thoughts on this COVID lab leak thing. The caller said that he figured he'd call in about this. The caller, David, said that he thinks there are people who feel that way that it was a lab leak. He said he runs a lab and there are people who are totally incompetent. He said it's very contagious and he can imagine something like that happening over there. Howard said we don't know what's next. He said there's a show called The Last Of Us on HBO and it's fantastic. He said they explain how we turn into zombies. He said there's this ant thing that turns ants into zombies. He said it's a fungus and it's a real thing. He said in the show the humans get this disease and it's really not that crazy to think it could happen to us. David said it's not that crazy to think it could happen over time with a virus. He said he's not looking to cause any anti-Chinese sentiment but it can happen anywhere.
Howard said they have to have some kind of regulation at these labs. He said we're still in this pandemic.
Howard took a call from Wendy the Slow adult clips as a woman who worked in the Wuhan China lab. He spent a short time talking to the clips about how the virus got out thanks to her.
David said he thinks he knows her, she works in his lab. Howard said report her to HR immediately. Howard let David go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was going back to the Melatonin story. He said that stuff is not natural. He said he took it and woke up in his car in his underwear thinking he was ready to go to work. He said that shit is crazy. He said it says it's a diet suppression also. He said that's because you're out jogging around in the middle of the night. He said it will make you go to sleep but then he's wide awake 2 hours later. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard said their next guest is going to be Will Smith who wants to talk about why he should be back on the Oscars. He said he wants to make a statement and he said okay. He said we can hear what the man has to say. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he should cover this song. He said he's waiting for this door knock so he can talk to Will Smith. A few seconds later the knock came and Howard had fake Will Smith there.
Fake Will said that it's kind of early for him. Howard asked Will about his work outs and things like that. Will said he was looking like a thigh and he had to get into clean eating and exercise to get into shape. He said he went into his I Am Legend training.
Howard said Will is very intense and he was scrawny on Fresh Prince. He said now he's big and he wouldn't fuck with him now. Howard said he could have knocked Chris Rock's head off when he smacked him. Will said it never should have happened with him. He said he never should have done that.
Howard asked if Will is working on his anger. Will said he is. He said he's been doing hot yoga, cold yoga and medium yoga. Howard asked what got him so angry that night. Will said he just got tired of the jokes about him and Jada. He said they have their entanglement. He said he was as confused as Howard is about that entanglement word. He said that's what Jada calls it. He was rambling on about that. He said everyone was commenting on their relationship and he just lost it that night. He said all of his hoes are trained not to talk about shit but Jada isn't like that. He said she deals with the hood boys and their shit.
Howard asked Will what he thinks about his old co-star Robin. Will said it's good to see her. Howard asked if anything happened on set between them. Will said he probably read her some scriptures before the show. He said they prayed that nothing would happen to put his career on the backslide in 30 years.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel is hosting the Oscars again this year. Will said he wouldn't have gotten away with slapping a white man on the Oscars. Howard asked if he would smack him if he made a joke about Jada now. Will said he's on a spiritual journey right now and he can take a joke.
Howard said he's got a joke about Jada. He started it out but Will was getting upset as soon as he started. Will said if he smacked him he'd end up looking like Howie Mandel. Howard said he should have called and apologized to Chris Rock. He said he's going to bring him in right now so he can hear what he has to say.
Howard had fake Chris Rock come in. Imagine the worst Chris Rock impression ever and that's what fake Chris sounded like. Chris got in a plug for his special. Howard had the two try to make up by shaking hands. Will didn't apologize and made a joke instead. Howard said he's not going to the Oscars now.
Howard shut the door on fake Chris. Chris said he had one more thing to say. Howard said that was Jay Pharoah doing both voices. He thanked him for coming in to do that today.
Jay said he met Howard years ago. He told Howard a story that didn't sound like something he would have done.
Howard said he saw an interview with Julie Louis Dreyfus where she said she didn't enjoy being on Saturday Night Live that much. He asked Jay where he is with that. Jay said he talked to Chris Rock years ago and he told him he should write two sketches a week. He said all of his sketches ended up getting pulled. He said it was okay the first 2 years but then years 4, 5 and 6 it was still happening. He said that some of the sketches never saw the light of day. He said that he was young. He said you have to know how to talk the talk there. He said his introvertedness was part of his problem. He said that you have to work with people there.
Howard said at 22 to handle being on Saturday Night Live is a fucked up thing. He said you haven't had time to work out your comedy. He said he's not sure how he'd know how to write a sketch. Jay said he didn't come from a background with the groundlings or anything. He said he came out of stand up. He said he was in a sketch group in college. He said that those sketches were all just written down. He said that he had to just learn how to do it from the guys there.
Howard asked if he thinks he would have had an easier time if he had been able to collaborate with more people there. Jay said it would have worked out a little bit better maybe. He said that's the charm of doing stand up. He said you can go back to doing that.
Howard said if you do 200 impressions that seems like a slam dunk for Saturday Night Live. He said if he was running it he would want that. He said that maybe if he had done that it would have worked out. Jay said that's what he was doing but it didn't work out. He said he would go down the hallways doing Kanye West and other random characters. He said he would do an Eddie Murphy impression. Howard asked him to do that for him. Jay did his Eddie impression and it was his laid back Eddie. He did the old classic Eddie too.
Howard asked Jay if he's aware that his whole face changes when he does Eddie. He said he sees that on the internet. He said that must be part of getting an impression down. Jay said it is almost like a possession. He said he's from a theater background so that's where that comes from.
Howard said it's really weird and he's almost like a shape shifter. Jay said they do use a face app to change some people but he doesn't need that. He said he doesn't cheat to do his impressions. Howard said he can go and do this and morph into Eddie or Will Smith. He said it must suck to have them doing the face changing video thing. Jay said he's scared of that kind of technology. He said he can't wait for a Rosie from the Jetsons to come. He said you have to stay connected in reality or you wont believe what's being said.
Howard asked if he can make money doing impressions. He said he saw him doing Tracy Morgan. He said if he had a cartoon he'd hire him to do that kind of thing. Jay said you can hire him to do that. Howard had him do the Tracy Morgan impression. Howard talked to him in that voice for a short time. All of his impressions were really good other than that earlier Chris Rock impression.
Howard said one of the great things about Tracy is that he's a huge Knicks fan and he starts yelling at the players. Fake Tracy was going on and on about that. Howard talked to fake Tracy about his Walmart truck accident and things like that too.
Howard asked if Jay has ever done that impression for Tracy. Jay said he has. He said that he really does talk about wild stuff like he was talking about.
Howard asked Jay about playing President Obama on Saturday Night Live. He said he had to fight for that role too. Jay said that they had to fight for their parts on that show. He said that he got a call from Fred Armisen the other day. He said they had key players for certain roles. He said they had the Barack Obama thing that they were doing. He said that all of the guys at the time were great but you have to build up trust over there. Howard asked how he got that role there. Jay said he was there for 2 years before it happened. He said they hit him up in 2012 and asked him to play Obama. He said that Lorne came to him about that. He said that's how he got it. He said he was scared at the time too. Howard said when people write for you they may not hit it in the cadence of the voice he does. He said he can see how it could screw him up. Jay said they have such a smart writing staff over there. He said they did a good job as writing stuff and getting the lingo down. He said the way he does his impression on stage isn't the way he would do it on the show. He said Lorne told him to play it Presidential. He said that he wanted to bring the guy out who wasn't in front of cameras.
Jay said he had a Shock Obama impression he would do and he showed it to them over there. He said that he had to ask Fred Armisen if he was okay with him playing the character. He said he was fine with it.
Howard asked Jay to do the Obama that he'd do on stage. Jay went into character and did his party Obama. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Jay as Obama.
Howard said it was crazy when they had Jay as black Obama and Fred as white Obama. He said that was a crazy bit. Jay said he doesn't quite remember it. He said that was cool. Jay was still in character talking about that.
Howard said that was a sketch that was going to happen. He said he's pretty sure he read about it. He said he really did read that idea. He said it seems like a great idea. He said people get uptight though.
Howard asked Jay if he thinks that becoming a great impressionist that he could teach someone to do it or is it something you were just born with. Jay said he thinks it's a natural born skill and a work ethic thing. He said if you don't have the ear to get it then it may not work for you. He said if you have a work ethic to work through it then maybe. He said some people are built for it. He said he has had people reach out to him who don't do impressions that he can give tips to. He said if you can get the face down then you might be able to do the impression.
Howard said Rich Little used to watch tape after tape of people. Jay said he does that. He said he will watch a lot of video to get it down. Howard asked how many hours he puts into that. Jay said he never feels like he ever conquers a character. He said if you think you have then you'll start going backwards. He said that some people haven't tried. He said it took 3 years for him to feel like his Denzel was good enough.
Howard asked about how that worked. Jay told Howard about how he would contort his face and get into it like that. Jay went into that impression a little bit. Howard talked to him as Denzel for a short time asking him questions as if he were Denzel.
Howard asked Jay how old he was when he realized he could do the impressions and win people over. Jay said he was six years old and he did Gilbert Gottfried. He said that he did the voice for his girlfriend. He said she had another boyfriend. He said that he did Forest Gump and Sally Field too. He said that's how he got started. Howard asked what the Forest Gump was. Jay said it's very dusty now. He said he can try it. He did his Gump impression and it was very dusty. He said that story was the most fucked up story ever. He said it's the most conflicting story ever.
Howard said Jay claims that he is penis twins with Pete Davidson. He asked what that means. Jay said he's just letting people know that Pete isn't the only one out there. He did his impression of Pete a little bit. He said back in the day Pete talked about his penis and how big it was. Howard said Pete has had a string of women in his life. Jay said Pete went for the A-list and he was in the bottom of the barrel himself. He said he didn't care if you worked at Cracker Barrel or Walmart. He said he told them to let their friends know how he was. He said that on the streets he's a legend and Pete is a legend in the main stream.
Jay said that church people are hearing this and freaking out right now. He said he's really and undercover freak. He said if you come to his shows you'll see. He said that when you stop a kid from seeing all of this stuff it's going to make them want to find it. He said there was a Bill Pullman movie where he had his pants down and his parents would turn the TV off as soon as they saw that. He said that made him want to see it even more. Howard said he agrees with him about that. He said if you forbid someone from seeing something they're going to want to see it. He said now Jay loves sex and having it underground. Robin said that's why he was announcing he was Pete's twin. She said he wanted to be known for that.
Howard asked how many inches Jay is. Jay said he said it was 9. Howard said he missed that. Jay said he's 9. Howard asked if he measured it from the balls. Jay said you measure from where your pelvis is. He said he was impressed with himself. Howard asked if he can take it out and slap it into the microphone. Jay said his reverend may not like that.
Howard asked if he thinks he'll ever settle down. Jay said he won't say no. He said he thought he'd settle down at 26. He said this woman he was seeing got pregnant during a break they were on so he won't be going back to that. He said that there's no giving that back.
Jay said that women get mad if you take a break. Howard said he loves interviewing men who have big penises because his is really small. Howard said he has like four of his penis. He said he can do the math there. Howard asked if women freak out when they see his penis. Jay said he has had that happen. He said they might yell out ''What the fuck?'' He said he has a jack in the box. He said it'll look 6 or so and then it turns on and it goes full 9 and they go what the fuck is this? Jay said that it can pop out and punch you in the face.
Howard said it's fascinating that he and Pete talked about penis size. Jay said he didn't ask Pete about it. He said he just came up to him and told him about it. He said Pete is just very open and vulnerable. He said he's very open. Howard said he has had him on the show and he loves talking to him. Jay did his impression of Pete so Howard spent a little time talking to Jay as Pete. He went through the list of women that Pete dated and asked about what that was like.
Howard asked Jay about something he read about him losing weight at the start of the year. Jay said he has weight issues. He said he's had that since he was a kid. He said he thought he was going to end up killing himself if he didn't do something when he was young. He said he knows how to lose weight. He said he was able to limit his eating and run on a treadmill to get the weight off. He said he has a cousin who dropped 250 pounds. He said that guy ate 1/4 or what he was eating and he'd walk a lot. He said he was up at 500 pounds and now he's half of that. He said he looks like 50 Cent with sagging skin now.
Howard asked Jay if he was bullied a lot as a kid. Jay said he was. He said he was bullied at school and church and all of that. He said they'd make fun of him for the way he talked. He said that he'd say stuff and sound like a Caucasian. He said that his dad would make him get on the scale and then he'd be like ''God damn!'' and things like that. He said now his dad is over weight so he gets to do the same to him now.
Howard asked if he heard from those fucks who made fun of him once he got on Saturday Night Live. Jay said oh yeah. Howard asked if he told them to fuck off. Jay said he ran into one of the guys once and that guy had gone to the other side with the people who fucked with him. He said that he just told him to keep doing what he's doing and he didn't say fuck you to him. He said it's not worth it.
Howard said he had a friend who came up and said they should be friends when he got famous. He said he didn't want that guy to have the fun he's having. He didn't give him that.
Howard asked when he got on stage. Jay said he was 16. He said he would go in his room and study these characters and get them down. He said his cousins and uncles got him to do that stuff in front of them and that was a big help. He said he took crazy punishments as a kid. He said his mother took his TV away for a year after he told a deacon to shut his mouth and things like that. He said that they took his TV out of his room. He said they didn't have cable at the time. He said the TV was in the corner for a year. He said he wasn't able to watch Smackdown for a year. He said he used to clam up in his room when the family was around.
Howard said you'd think at church they'd be nice to you. He said that he got picked on there too. Howard said he ended up inventing all of his own friends in his room. Jay said that's exactly what he did. He said he made his own friends. He said it worked out. Howard said there's something sad about it. He said he got into puppetry when he was a kid. He said he created a fantasy in his own room. He said it did serve Jay well. He said it's sad he had to go through so much shit. Jay said what doesn't kill you only makes you more into a diamond by chipping away at you. He said he wouldn't take any of it back. He said he likes himself now. He said he may not have when he was a kid.
Jay said he always starts to get something toward the end of it. He said that's what happened at Saturday Night Live. He said he's not sure when he'll get married. He said he may be 55. He said maybe he'll get it right sometime. He said he feels like he's hitting it right now. He said he does the impressions in his stand up but that's just sprinkles. He said that now it's changed for him. He said that he has changed his act.
Howard said Jim Carrey had an act that was all impressions and he put them aside and started doing material. He asked why the impressions can't be the thing. Jay said people will characterize you as a one trick pony. He said some people can do it like Rich Little. He said that works for him. He said he knows what Jim said but he would have been fine either way. He said that it was super important to show people that he has more than that. He said he didn't know how to translate it. He said when he did stand up when he was younger he was doing it for certain audiences. He said that he was able to connect to the people at church. He said he was able to talk about things at school. Jay said Charlie Murphy told him that he had the chops that his brother did and to keep going. He said you have to find your voice. He said it will happen when you mature comedicaly.
Jay said that people were comparing him to Eddie and Will Smith his whole life. He said his ears used to poke out more than they do now. He said he heard about that his whole life.
Howard said Charlie used to come on the show all the time. He said he loves that guy. Jay went into his impression of Charlie. Howard said Charlie was a great guy to take him on the road. He said he must miss him. Jay said he really does. He said he showed him the game as a kid. He said he always told him to tell people the truth. He said they can read authenticity.
Howard said that he went to see Eddie Murphy and he wanted more and more of his impressions. He said he'd do a little bit of something and it was best that he didn't do more. He said that the was so strong because he didn't rely on that. He said that's so true. Jay said Eddie did start out as an impressionist and he got out of that. He said that he feels like he's in the same groove now.
Howard gave Jay some plugs for his upcoming shows. He said he's really glad he came in today. He said it was great to have him on today. He said that he's in the movie Spinning Gold which is out March 31st. Jay told Howard what that movie is about and who he's playing in the movie. He said it's about a record label in the 1970s. He said it took like 3 years to do that movie. He said they started it in Montreal and finished it in New Jersey.
Howard said when movies get shut down they don't always come back. Jay said Jaws did. He said that Richard Dreyfus told a story about that. He did a Richard Dreyfus impression talking about that. He said that Richard was going to be in Spinning Gold and something happened so he wasn't able to do it. He said it would have been great if he was in it. He said everyone busted their ass making that movie. Howard said it was a crazy time for sure back then.
Howard said this was a great pleasure. He said they got to talk about a lot of stuff. Jay said he didn't know Howard was picked on as a kid. Howard said he grew up in Roosevelt where Eddie Murphy grew up. He said it was a weird upbringing. He said he was the only white guy in an all black community and it was weird. Jay asked if he felt Black Adjacent. Howard said he lived in a time when being white was the worst thing. He said the kids were looking to beat up someone because Martin Luther King had just been assassinated. He said no girls would date him because they felt like they might get beat up. He said it was a weird experience. He said he wished he was black and his life would have been easier. He said that he would even put on a black affect. He said he brought in a Beatles album to school and the kids wanted to beat him up over that. Jay said it was a different time. He said he can't think of any white guy who would want to be black in 2023. Jay said if he was his friend back then he would have fought for him. Howard said he thinks he would have but that wouldn't have happened. He said there was a black kid who wanted to play chess with him and a group of black kids beat the shit out of him over that. Jay said that maybe he'll just send him a telegram or something.
Howard gave Jay more plugs and told the ladies they can see his 9 inch penis when he's in Texas doing comedy. Jay said his dick is on the black market. Jay said he hopes to get to see them in person some day. Howard said Robin wants to see that 9 inches. He said he can hear it in her voice. Howard let Jay go after that.
Howard said he's jealous of that 9 inch penis. Robin said what got her was his Denzel impression. She said years ago she saw him on Broadway and this guy had taken her to see this play he was in. She said Denzel gets up and takes off his pajamas and he's in his underwear. She said she wondered that they were trying to do to her because she could have lost it.
Howard asked how many fingers she got in there. She said it wears just 2. She said she tried to do what Ronnie did when he was constipated. Howard said she took Ducolax and it didn't work. Nicki said nothing worked. She said she still can't get it all out. Howard said he wants to thank her because next time he bangs his wife he's going to think about this so he doesn't cum too early.
Howard got Ronnie on to talk about the time he had this problem. Ronnie said he was in really bad pain. He said he had to reach in there and pull the shit out. He said it was like a solid piece that wouldn't come out. He said he had to dig it out. He said he didn't realize how jammed up it was in there. He said he had to get it out so he did what he had to do. Howard said welcome to impacted feces round table. Ronnie told Nicki she has to reach in there and get it out. Nicki said today she's going to the gym to run. She said she used to eat yogurt too and that made her pretty regular.
Howard asked Ronnie where he was when he dug it out. Ronnie said he was on the toilet. He said he just sat there and dug it out. He said he had one foot on the toilet seat and had to reach in there. He said it was bad. He said it was an experience for sure.
Howard asked what if she ate some food. Ronnie said she's so bound up it makes it worse. Nicki said that she's not hungry so she's not eating that much. She said that's because of the Ozempic. Howard asked fake Dr. Now for some advice. Chris Wilding did his Dr. Now impression and told her to eat some fat and that will help.
Howard asked Nicki if she's hot. She said she is sort of. She said she's 55 but she's thinking of starting her own OnlyFans page. She said she's going to try to get back to her body builder look. Howard asked if she'd pull out her shit on her OnlyFans. She said she might.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's a doctor who asked Howard if he really thinks that she looks hot at 5'2'' and 124 pounds with fake boobs. He said she has to drink water and eat dietary fiber. He said she has to cut up some vegetables and things like that. Ronnie asked what the fuck he's talking about. Howard said he's saying long term she has to do this. The doctor asked what she has eaten in the past 24 hours. Nicki said she knows what to eat. She said she used to be a body builder. She said she had half an apple and an English muffin this morning. The doctor said he has seen people at 400 pounds telling you the same thing.
The doctor was going on and on about how fucked up this country is with health care and stuff. Howard cut him off and thanked him for the call. He said he's going into a whole speech. Robin said that she's surprised that this woman was prescribed Ozempic only being 10 pounds over weight. Nicki said the doctors love giving it out.
Howard took a call from another woman who said that this can cause a whole host of issues and she has to go to the hospital. She said she's not trying to be dramatic but she has to go to the hospital. Howard asked how they get it out there. The caller said they will break it up manually with a metal instrument. She said the second thing is that there is a pill you can take called Linzess that will keep you regular. Howard thanked her for the call and let her go.
Howard said that Nicki should go to the hospital and get the shit out of her ass. He said that was good advice. Howard told Nicki to let them know how it goes. He said he has to get out of there. He said tomorrow they have Dr. Agus coming in. He said he wrote a book that's interesting. He said he's looking forward to that. Howard said on Wednesday they have Kiss coming in. He said they'll do a couple of songs and they'll be in full makeup. Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Howard said he's going to ask it what to say to his mother to get her to cheer up. Robin said he should have it talk to her and be sympathetic. Howard said he got saved yesterday. He said his mother's apartment got flooded recently. He said her neighbor's pipe burst. He said that meant that water got in her apartment. He said it wasn't horrible but some people had a lot of water. He said she was moved into a new apartment that was really nice. He said it's dry and clean but this was last week. He said it was all going really well with her until this. He said she was freaking out.
Howard said when he spoke to the manager they said that they'd probably get her in before the weekend last week and that didn't happen. He said they have work to do and it was taking longer than expected. He said they're in there working and it's not so much of a catastrophe. He said she has her stuff and it's not far away.
Robin said it's in the same building, right? Howard said it's a floor below. He said she was on the phone with him yesterday and he called asking how things were there. He said her helper was telling him cryptically what was going on because she was in the bathroom with her. He said he asked how bad it is and she said something that made it sound like she was being a pain in the ass.
Howard said that he got his mom on the phone and asked how she was doing. He said his mom was saying she was suffering and it's horrible there. Howard said she said she didn't want to complain but then his sister showed up at the apartment and she asked if he wanted to talk to her. Howard said he did just to get off the phone with his mom. He said they were about to go into how horrible things were.
Howard said even the Aid said that you want to be in your own place but this is a very comfortable place. He said his mom ain't having it.
Howard did his impression of his mom and had her complaining about all of this stuff. He said she should be thanking him for helping her out but she just complains about it all. He said that he has a nice apartment and things happen there too. He said she doesn't understand. He said she complains about them not doing the upkeep there. He said she complains about how much she's suffering there. He said she's suffering more than the people in Ukraine.
Howard said for what he's paying there he could send her to the moon. He said you don't hear about that space travel anymore. Robin said that they have to work on longer expeditions so that's why you don't hear about it.
Howard said he typed into that ChatGPT thing and asked how to cheer up a 95 year old woman. He said it said spend time with her. He said forget that. He said bring her some treats and he had to say no to that too. He said she doesn't eat anything he brings her. He said then it said bring some flowers. He said his mom hates flowers. He did his impression of her complaining about that. He said the next thing was to share stories. He said he's not doing that. He said we know how that goes. Howard went into his mother complaining about growing up and the horrors she went through. He had her complaining about having to share underwear with her sister and about people who were lost in the Holocaust.
Howard said he doesn't know what to do. He said the other thing was to give his mother a massage. He said that's what ChatGPT suggested. He said his mother had swelling of the feet and he tried to rub them but she asked him not to touch her feet. He said he has tried everything. He said it also said share some laugher. He laughed at that suggestion.
Howard said there's nothing better than sharing a few laughs with her. He had her telling the story about the doctor telling her that he ''smiled like a mongoloid'' when he was born. He said that was a great one.
Howard had his mother telling the story about cleaning his underwear in the sink. Howard said she talked about rubbing the grit out of his underpants. He said she was rubbing it like she was cleaning it on rocks. He said he's on fire this morning.
Howard said his mother always wants sympathy. He said she talks about his father and how he never showed emotion. Howard said he knows that. He said she said he was a good provider and he did chores and all of that. He said she said he was a good man and she liked it very much. Howard had her telling those things in his impression of her.
Howard said it's very depressing. He said another tip from ChatGPT was listen to her and validate her feelings. Howard said he does that. He said he should just go with what she's saying and agree with her. Howard did more of her complaining impression and then said he will tell her she's right and just go along with it.
Robin said maybe he should tell her that there are people who won't be in their apartments for months. Howard said no way he can do that. He said she'll talk about how they said she could be back in a week. He said his sister ended up stepping in and he got to talk to her. He said that was like a miracle when that happened. He did an impression of what happened. He had his mom complaining and then the doorbell rings and his sister saved him. Howard said he knows he's in for it when his mother says his name over and over.
Howard said his mother gets all confused when the bell rings. He said she's asking who's there and no one has even gotten to the door yet.
Howard said he asked his sister if he was on speaker phone. He said she said yes so he asked her to turn it off. Howard asked how it is over there. He said his sister wished she lived there. She told him it's really nice.
Howard said he's not sure what to do. Robin said she must have been able to cover this up for her whole life. She said her attitude about life and her personality.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling from Nevada. Howard said he saw there was snow there. The caller, Richard, said that he thanks him for sharing his mom. He said that he just lost his mom. He said it helps and it means a lot when he does that. He said he's sorry about his father too. Howard said his sister was upset yesterday about his dad. He said she feels horrible about that. Howard said he doesn't have the same feelings. Howard said his mom told his sister something about how his dad wasn't so thrilled with him. He said he knew that. He said his dad didn't really like him. Richard said his dad was the same way with him. He said he never was able to please the man. Howard said some of us have to admit we're not that great. He said it's no wonder he wasn't so thrilled with him. Robin said it's not his fault. Howard said yes it was.
Howard said his dad was dirt poor and he had a pretty horrible upbringing. He said it was terrible. He said then this boy comes into his life and he sees this child and he's got a mother and a father and both eyes. He said he has a father that supports him and all of this stuff. He said his father sees that and then wonders what he has to complain about. He said then you have a jealous parent. He said it's human to be jealous. He said even with your own children. Robin said it's not the greatest thing to do. Howard said it can happen. He said you can put it aside and not take it out on your kids. Robin said you can find things in your life and not take it out on your kids.
Howard said he sees parents who are horrible with their kids. He said they don't know what they're doing. He said it's very hard. He said then they're threatened by their kids and it's a whole fucking deal. He said there's an epidemic in this country of kids who are estranged from their parents. He said they want nothing to do with them. Howard said it's a shame.
Robin said Howard asked her to get on the phone and talk to her parents. Howard said he wasn't evolved back then. He said he should have been more like ''good for you.'' He said her parents were no good. He said they were vomits. Robin said it's impossible to not love a parent. She said you have to protect yourself and that's what she was doing. She said she did love them but she couldn't take them. She said they were still the way they were.
Howard said he loved his father and his mother. He said he's very attached to both of them but he wished he had been able to know his father on a deeper level.
Howard said Chris Wilding said that the snow was on his yard in a post that Stephanie made. Ronnie said it doesn't stick. He said it's too warm there. He said it sticks in the mountains. Howard said he can imagine what Ronnie is up to out there. He said he's waiting for something to think about and staring out the window.
Howard asked Ronnie how he's doing with the chicks. Ronnie said he retweets the women who send him pictures.
Howard said he went on MrSkin.com the other day. He said he was reading about Riley Keough who was on The Girlfriend Experience. Howard said she has some body. He said he was looking her up. Howard said now she owns the rights to the Elvis stuff. He said she might be able to make some money with that. He said then he read that Priscilla is suing her over that. He said she wants to be in charge of all of that shit.
Howard said he was looking at the pictures and video of Riley naked. He said she seems to have no issue with being naked. Robin said you don't know that. She said she did it but you don't know if she has an issue with it.
Howard said Riley is on a new show on Amazon Prime starting next week. He said he's going to check that out. He said she's a good actress but he's not sure if he'd watch her on a show where she's not naked. He said he loves seeing her naked. He said his wife did too.
Robin said she was talking about that OnlyFans site and a lot of women are going on there and making a lot of money. Robin said Bella Thorne made like 2 million in 2 days. Howard said he's not saying he's above it. He said he gets online and looks at all of this stuff. He said he watched some porn after looking at Riley. Robin said just looking at her isn't enough? Howard said he likes more hard core stuff. He said he typed in ''seduce'' in his search box. He said he got some porn where this woman was reluctant to try the lesbian stuff. He said this girl was doing makeup for 2 popular girls and they're all pretending to be something they're not. He said there was no real seduction in this video. He said he almost bailed on it. He said this girl got right into it. Howard said he called Robin after all of that. He said that was his day.
Howard said his buddy Pat is going to help him work on his core. He said he was looking at Bill Maher who is around his age and he has a flat stomach. He said it appears that way anyway. He said he's thin himself but he has a belly. He said it's depressing him. He said he went swimming with Beth the other day and he figures she's disgusted by him. He said he has a mole on him and she pointed that out. He said she thinks it changed a bit so he has to get that checked out. He said he's going to go. He said he was sucking his belly in. He said she did have sex with him after. He said that was nice. He said he gets charged up from being outside with her.
Howard said he has nice feet and legs so he'll stick them out of the covers in bed. He said that makes him somewhat attractive. He said he's been with women he wasn't that attracted to and if he could just find one part of her that he likes he can get aroused over that. He said he won't look at the flaws. He said he has really nice feet and even Beth said they were still very youthful looking. Howard said he told her to just keep looking at those. He said his hair is good He said he still has dark hair even at his age. He said he was looking in the mirror the other day and it's a little salt and pepper but a lot of guys his age are full grey. He said he really doesn't color his hair. He said it doesn't matter though. He said his beard is grey and his hair is dark so people wonder what he's up to.
Howard said he doesn't like Brian May's hair. He said he went full grey. He said he's not sure if he would ever color his hair. He said he doesn't think he would. He doesn't like this aging thing. Robin said there were people during the pandemic who went full grey. Howard said they shouldn't have. He said he thinks that's what Robin was thinking. He said he has the rock star hair but the roadie's face.
Howard said Benjy was telling him that he takes his shirt off with a woman when he's ready to break up with them. He said then he doesn't have to go through the awkward break up. He said they run from him instead.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she thinks he looks so good. She said he has rock star hair. She said he has great eyes and a great personality too. She said he has a rocking bod with a rocking wife too. She said she has to ask Dr. Agus about something. She said she has to ask about Robin's diet and about other things. She was going on and on and Howard hung up on her and told her to get her own show if she wants to ask so much.
Robin asked if ChatGPT knows Howard. Howard said it does know him. He said he won't get into it but he does know him. He said one day he'll tell her. Robin asked what ChatGPT knows. Howard said it knows everything. He said it gets its education on the internet. Robin said it doesn't know fake or real information. Howard said she's right about that. Howard said he asked some questions about himself and he had a weird view of him.
Howard said he doesn't want Sal involved with them at all tomorrow. He said years ago Sal tried to steal a phone number from Gene. Gary said it was better than that. He said that he was going through the releases there and he was looking for Ace Frehley's number to be friends with him. Sal said he wasn't going through them. He said they were there next to his desk on an intern's desk and he was looking at them. He said he wasn't going to call Ace to be friends with him. Sal said he has no idea what he was going to do with the number. Sal said he just thought that it would be nice to have his number. He said he didn't even write the number down.
Howard said the other story was that Sal pulled on Gene's hair to see if it was real. Sal said he did that. He said there was a rumor that he had fake hair and he asked if he could check. Howard said this is why he has to lock everyone in their offices there.
Gary said there are other stories about Sal. He said he told Jon Stewart he wasn't funny and he told someone that he was the white devil.
Howard said he was just reading about this comic strip guy who does this Dilbert comic. He said this guy had a comic in the paper for many years. He said this guy named Scott Adams created Dilbert. He said it's still in like 2000 papers all over the world. He said that the guy was making a good living. He said this guy got a podcast and he forgets what you should say and not say. He said this guy is on the podcast and he starts talking about black people. He said he gets to do what he loves in life and he does this and fucks it up. He said Dilbert looks like a 7 year old drew it. He said he's not sure what the jokes are. He said this guy somehow hit the lottery and his character took off. He said he has the audio from the podcast to play. He said in the old days before podcasting you'd go to your manager or publicist and they'd tell you not to say anything about this in public. He said they'd keep you in check. Howard said they'd do the same thing if you were on radio and told your program director what you wanted to talk about. He said you keep your mouth shut about stuff like that.
Howard said this guy Scott was reading a poll and he sat in his living room and started to talk about the poll. He said this is what he had to say. He played the clip and Scott was joking that he has identified as a black person for years now. Then he said he's going to identify as a white because he doesn't want to be part of a hate group. He said this poll says that they hate white people and they are a hate group so he doesn't want anything to do with them. He said he'd advise white people to get the fuck away for black people. He said just get the fuck away.
Howard asked where you go to do that. He said he's not sure. Howard said he plays this for Sal because he does crazy things like that. He said only he would keep him working there after doing this crazy stuff. Sal said he was only 2 weeks into his job there when that happened.
Howard said Sal even said that he would let someone pee on him if he could get into the studio. Gary said he would love to pee on Sal. Robin asked why KISS should be punished for that. Howard said he may give Sal the day off tomorrow.
Gary said he has more of Sal's greatest hits from the green room. Howard said Sal just reads the room the wrong way. Gary said Sal saw Bobby Flay one time and told him his burgers taste better than pussy. Gary asked if he went up to Caitlyn Jenner and told her she was an inspiration. Sal said he doesn't think so. Gary said that Richard said that he did. Sal said she has done a lot for the LGBTQ community. Howard said Sal does nothing for them. Sal said god bless them.
Howard said Sal's greatest hit was getting caught masturbating in his office. Sal said it was after hours.
Howard asked why he told Russell Simmons that he was the white devil. Sal said it was meant as a joke. He called himself the white devil.
Richard said it was so funny hearing Sal saying that Caitlyn Jenner was an inspiration. He said they had goofed on her so many times. Sal said Richard is the one who was making fun of her.
Gary asked if Sal once said he wanted to be a DJ's toilet paper. Sal said he did. Gary said he'd be fired for that now. Sal said he knows better.
Gary asked what Sal was thinking when he said that he thought Jon Stewart wasn't funny. Sal said he's not even sure. Howard said that's the kind of stuff that really bothers him about Sal. He said he had to crack down on so much there after that. He said it was like the inmates were running the asylum. He said that Jon is a great guest and he comes on and this mother fucker Sal comes in the room and tells him he's not funny. Robin asked who he is. Howard said he did the Daily Show a couple of times and imagine if someone did that to him at that show. He said you have this moment of panic there when you're about to go on and you don't want someone fucking it up for the guest. He said imagine someone from that show did what Sal did.
Howard said he had to do something to make sure that didn't happen again. He said it's thanks to Sal that no one will ever do that to a guest again. He said they put in real management there after that. He said he used to fight management. He said Sal thinks he's fighting the establishment. He said anything he's doing in the hall isn't going to get on the air. Sal said they all thought they were miniature Howard Sterns. Howard said they're not though. Sal said he likes the way Howard rages against the machine and he was trying to do that. He said he apologizes for that.
Howard said Sal put his penis on Ron Jeremy's shoulder. Gary said it was on his head. He told the story about Sal thinking he was in a movie and taking his cock out and puts it on Ron's head. Sal said it was his balls. Gary said Ron looked like he wanted to kill Sal over that. Sal said he thought that he'd find it funny but he got really angry with him. He said that he wanted to punch him out. Howard said he should never think. He said his thought process is so out there.
Richard said he has more about the Ace Frehley appearance. He said Sal came in dressed like Ace and he wanted a picture taken. He said he asked Howard to take the picture. Howard asked how he didn't fire this guy. Sal said Gary went flying in and dove in there to take the camera.
Howard said Sal will not get close to KISS tomorrow. He said that he has more about Sal to talk about. He said this is great. He said they put an ad in the paper. He said he should take a break first. He said he has two bits to get to before Dr. Agus gets there. He said he has a bit they did calling a balloon store trying to get a spy balloon for China. He said they have more about Sal too. He said it's the craziest thing you'll ever hear. He said imagine being married to Sal.
Howard had Sal's fake wife knock on the door. He had her come in for a few to talk about how awful things are with him. She said he has to worry about him petting the cat too hard. She said he knows what she means. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and sang along with the Cheap Trick song a bit. He said what a band. He said he loves those dudes.
Howard said he has this Asian Pete phony phone call to play. He said they got him to play President Xi from China. He said they called a balloon store with Asian Pete playing President Xi.
Howard played the call and in it they have Pete asking a balloon store for the biggest balloon they have. He asked how high up it can go. They used a translator for him so the woman would understand him better. The woman ended up hanging up on them. They called back and got another guy on the line who told them to call someone else and stop bothering them. Then they had fake Prescient Biden call them telling them they did the right thing by not selling China a balloon.
Howard said Asian Pete got stuck in the President Xi voice like Austin Butler. He said he can't get out of it.
Howard said they're going to play that call every July 4th to celebrate.
Howard said this is a game where they asked mediums to contact dead people and you have to guess if they will agree to do it. He said this is the first one. He said this is a practice one. He asked if a medium will contact Bernie Madoff to figure out how to manipulate personal assets. Howard played a clip of Sal asking the medium to do that for him. He asked if Robin thinks the medium will agree to do that. Robin said she will say no. Howard said she is wrong about that. He played the clip and the medium told Sal what Bernie said he can do. Then Sal asked the medium to contact Bernie to find out who will win a horse race. She did that for him and gave him the number 17 to win.
Howard said this is the next one. Howard played a clip of fake Kanye West asking a medium to contact Hitler to give him some advice on the problems he's having lately. Howard asked Robin if she thinks the medium will agree to do that for Kanye. Robin said she thinks the answer is no. Howard played the clip and the medium said she's not sure if she can do that with such a demonic person. Kanye demanded it and the woman hung up on him.
Howard said they have the next big question. He played a clip of Sal asking a medium to contact Marilyn Monroe to give him a full description of JFK's penis. Robin said she will say yes they will do that. Howard played a clip and the medium said he will do that. He said that he's had a connection to her forever. He said that Marilyn said she is very impressed with the size and it's a good 8 inches and a good size around. He said it's not veiny and the testicles are a good size.
Howard said Robin has gotten 2 right so far. He said she's doing well. He asked if she's shocked that the penis wasn't veiny. He said he was.
Howard said they have another one and it's not an easy one. He played the clip and they had fake OJ Simpson asking the medium to contact his wife to ask her who killed her. Robin said that she does think they will do that for him. Howard played the clip and the medium said he was not able to get her. OJ said that's great but then said that's terrible. The Medium said he is not able to get Nicole. OJ said there's nothing wrong with keeping her quiet. Howard said Robin got that wrong but Robin argued that the guy wasn't able to contact her so it should count as correct.
Howard played the next one where Sal asked a medium if they can contact Elvis to ask him advice on how to obtain pain killers. Robin said she thinks the medium will not do that to ask that question. Howard played the clop and the medium said she can do that. She told Sal that he can contact some friends and see if they can get a prescription for him and go that way to get the pills. She said that's what Elvis told her. Sal asked her to tell Elvis that he's a huge fan. She said that he already knows that.
Howard said try to focus on the next question. He played a clip of Sal asking a medium to contact Osama Bin Laden how he can hop on a plane to avoid airport security. Robin said this goes again to the psychic's feelings toward Osama bin Laden. She said she's going to say no. Howard played the clip and the medium said of course he can. He went on to tell Sal how he can't give information out because it was due to government things that won't let you release anything. Robin said that is ridiculous. She said that Osama is complying with government edicts now?
Howard said he has one final one. He said that she wins if she gets this one right. He said listen carefully. In the clip Sal asked the medium to find out from Jeffrey Epstein how to date a young girl. Howard asked if the medium will say no to that. Robin said she thinks the medium will contact him. Howard played the clip and the medium said that he should do a grooming process and gain their trust and complimenting them and things like that will help. Howard said there you go. He said Robin did very well. He said that's Who Will the Medium Contact game. He said what a fun game that was. He said they have to do that again some day.
Mike asked if 9 inches is the perfect size for Robin. Robin said she has had a guy who was too much but he may not have been only 9 inches.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Pete Davidson who said he introduces himself to people and then introduces his giant hog. He said big dicks are a big part of Saturday Night Live. He said Lorne approves sketches by pointing his dick up or down. Howard spent a few minutes talking to fake Pete about the women he's dated and things like that.
Howard said a lot of people did write in about Jay. He said people were floored with his impressions. He read some feedback about that.
Howard said he has a sample of the impressions he did yesterday. He played a montage of his good impressions. They left out the awful Chris Rock impression. Howard said he was great. He said he did a lot of great impressions. Howard read more feedback about Robin being into Jay.
Howard said he played some AI stuff and had Jose Mangin weigh in on that. He said the fans agreed with him on what he said. Howard said Madison wanted to weigh in too. He had some of her comments on AI DJs. She said an AI DJ can't do this. She did her singing thing and said the AI DJ can eat a bag of dicks.
Howard said they were discussing the creepiest moments on the show and some people wrote in about more. He said there was a story about Gary talking about a woman shitting out his cum after anal sex. Howard played a clip from that day. They played a song parody about that disgusting moment too.
Howard said there were other stories like Richard fucking a paper towel roll that was lubed up. He played a clip of Richard talking about that. Howard said there are a lot of creepy moments on the show and it's hard to pick just a few.
Howard said in a moment he's going to take a break and talk to Dr. Agus. He said he's every emotional about that. He said he's going to try to get him to tell him how to get out of the house. He said he's going to talk about his new book The Book of Animal Secrets: Nature's Lessons for a Long and Happy Life that's coming out on March 7th.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said this is a very heavy song. He said it's a good song for Dr. Agus. He said the more pain you're in the more you search for God. He said that's true. Robin asked if that's right. Howard said it is. He said that you do ask for god a lot when you're in pain. He said at the end of the song he says he doesn't believe in Beatles.
Howard said that Dr. Agus is there and he has a book coming out on March 7th called The Book of Animal Secrets: Nature's Lessons for a Long and Happy Life. He said that he was thinking about Dr. Agus the other night and how proud his family must be.
Howard asked about where he went to school. Dr. Agus named his schools and Howard said that's a mother's dream. Dr. Agus said he was very privileged to do what he did. Howard asked if he was always academically gifted. He asked what it was like for him. Dr. Agus said he was the geekiest kid around. He said he started in the lab as a young teen and he would play with mice and rats and tried to understand the immune system. Howard said he must have had the calling from an early age. Dr. Agus said that he fell in love with science early on. He said that's where medicine came from. He said science in the lab was step one for him.
Howard asked if he made fun of the kids who didn't understand things. He said that he just got it. He asked if he's ever had his IQ tested. Dr. Agus said no. He said he really doesn't know. Howard said he thinks it's very high and he thinks he knows it. Dr. Agus said he was a hard worker. He said they didn't have Google or even computers back then. He said he read books and just loved science.
Howard said his friend Dr. Lou was a great student and he never related to how dumb he was when it came to math. He said that Dr. Agus must feel that with people who don't get it. Dr. Agus said everyone has a skill set and he's very bad at relationships. He said he doesn't think that way.
Howard asked what he thinks about this show on HBO called The Last Of Us. He said it's about a zombie thing that's caused by a fungus that ants get that takes over their bodies. Howard said maybe one day this ant thing will transfer to human beings. He said it could be created in a Chinese lab. Dr. Agus said it wasn't created in the lab. He said it escaped from the lab. He said that they were looking into something in the lab and it got out. He said there is no evidence that this was created by humans. He said they had poor practices in the lab and it got out. He said it's been a tough 3 years. He said for most of the country it's over but for Howard he knows it's not.
Howard said there should be laboratory protocols that would stop this. He said that we actually funded the lab that caused this. Dr. Agus said this was a respectable lab and there are some who aren't respectable. He said they are trying to weaponize this kind of thing. He said in China they used a computer to edit genes and it's scary what can go on and what's going on now. Howard said why not edit genes and make better humans. He said it might be a noble cause there. Dr. Agus said they edited genes that did not make the children better. He said it was not in the interest of the children. He said they can edit parts by mistake so our science isn't ready for this yet.
Howard said he sees how they go after Dr. Fauci. He said that Dr. Agus is the guy who should be helping the world figure things out how to deal with this kind of thing but they end up crucifying anyone with half a brain. He said it's insane. Dr. Agus said he is trying to help on a global basis. He said that we have pushed people out of the sciences because of that. He said he knows Dr. Fauci and he has his faults but he is a public servant and we have to respect them. He said we can't attack science and make it political. He said it's scary. Howard said the world is a scary place. He said it seems much scarier now than it was.
Howard said he read Dr. Agus' new book and he said that aspirin is the greatest cancer fighter we have. He said he talks about this and he still isn't taking it. He said it irritates his stomach. He said he does not feel good when he takes it. He said he wants him on it but he can't do it. Dr. Agus said that he was in Africa and these elephants came by. He said they're 100 times larger than us. He said that they say the more cells divide the more the chance of getting cancer there is. He said that he was told that elephants don't get cancer. He said that there is a gene that corrects error in DNA that causes inflammation. He said that humans can take aspirin and it can help people get through cancer or prevent it. He said that the side effect may outweigh the negatives. He said there should be an aspirin that doesn't cause stomach issues. He said there isn't a lot of money out there to be made from making it better. He said there are certain medicines out there that people should be able to have and get because we need them.
Howard said it would be great if they could pay a company to develop a better aspirin. Dr. Agus said that should be a priority. Howard said most of the country are morons so they don't get it and don't want to do it. He did his southern accent talking about how dopey so many people can be. Dr. Agus said that we both have to step up and push there. He said we have to push that and study other things. Howard said we're in a bind. He said that people go after Fauci and it's not fair. He said we have to take aspirin and deal with the stomach problems. Dr. Agus said that there are also statins out there that can help with inflammation that will help you live longer and better. He said in this country we want to do anything we want to and it has to change so we can be healthier.
Howard said he was talking about some animal or something in the book and it made him realize that we have to get up and move around every hour or so. Howard asked what animal that was. Dr. Agus said animals in general get up and move around. He said we have to get up and move around because we're made to do that. He said just a couple of hours of moving a week will make you live longer. He said the richer you are and the more things you have near you make it the opposite. He said you don't have to move as much if you're successful.
Howard said Dr. Agus said that humans are fish out of water. He said we are tied to fish and moving more helps prevent pain. He said that we're not moving around enough and it makes a lot of sense. He said he has a lot of great concepts in his book and he'd recommend reading it.
Howard said Dr. Agus has a thank you section in the book. He said that's the worst part of writing a book. He said he looked to see if he thanked him. He said he came after Robin but it was alphabetically. He asked if people get upset about that. Dr. Agus said he has forgotten some people and he feels horrible about that. He said Robin and Howard have helped get a message out there that he normally wouldn't get out there.
Howard asked who he forgot to thank. Dr. Agus said he forgot to mention the scientist who he talked to about the elephants. He said he doesn't want to mention his name without his permission. Howard said imagine this guy's life. He said he forgets to put him in the book but he has Steven Spielberg in there. Dr. Agus said that Steven helped him for years and he enabled him to get started and he owes so much to him for caring and giving back. Howard asked how that happened. Dr. Agus went through the story about how Steven backed his research and he can't thank him enough. Howard asked if he gets invited to red carpet events and things. Dr. Agus said he has been invited and it's very uncomfortable for him to go. He said he was with him and his mother once at a restaurant. He said that Steven's mother told him that if she knew her son was going to be so successful she would have had her uterus bronzed when she had her hysterectomy.
Howard asked about this erectile dysfunction that men are having. He said he still has a full erection himself. He said he never has an issue with that. He said that's important to him. He said the big question is the man needing to ejaculate 26 times a month. He asked if that's true. Dr. Agus said not at all. Howard said he has been trying to hit that number and he can't even get close. He said he's rubbed raw here. Dr. Agus said that he knows that he can't hit that number. Dr. Agus said he does not know that he can't hit that number. Howard said he's glad he said that's not a thing. Dr. Agus said it's an old wive's tale. He said that the quantity doesn't reduce prostate cancer.
Robin asked if they know which animal has the most sex. Howard said he'd say it's Ronnie Mund.
Howard said they say that cancer is more prominent in tall people. Howard asked why that is. Dr. Agus said the largest of every species has the shortest life expectancy. He said that Howard takes very good care of himself. He said he's not worried about Howard at all. Howard said he follows whatever he tells him to do. He said he's on a special diet and he's going to listen to what he says. He said that they told him as a kid that tall people don't live that long. He said he never thought it was true but it is. He said the nice thing in the book is about how over 79 percent of people who get cancer will survive. Dr. Agus said we are getting better at treating it. He said Jimmy Carter is 98 years old and he had cancer 7 years ago. He said that would have been science fiction a decade ago. Howard said some of the advances are unbelievable.
Howard said Bruce Willis is in the news with his dementia. He said that we're living longer and that's got to be the scariest thing. He said Dr. Agus said that dementia happens in guys in their 40-50s. He said that's 7 percent. Dr. Agus said that kind of dementia can be worrisome. He said there's this database that Google bought and they were able to do research into what makes people live longer. He said that 96 percent of what makes you live long is in your control. He said you can look at how long you're going to live by checking your family. Dr. Agus said that only 4 percent of what makes you live long is genetic. Howard said that's interesting. He said you trash your body and you don't live long. Dr. Agus said that you are in charge of you.
Dr. Agus said we don't have a way of looking at brain function and that's a problem. He said we don't know how the brain works. He said that the dementia thing is something that we can't figure out yet. He said that we have to exercise our brains and that's a very important thing to do. He said you have to get out and do things. Howard said you have to challenge yourself and keep your brain working. Dr. Agus said that there are people who are in their 90s and they're still engaged. He said you don't do very well if you don't get out and do things.
Howard said in his book he talks about people with narcissism are at higher risk for dementia. He said he also says that people need hugs every day. He said that's what narcissists don't get. He said that might be why they're more affected by disease. Dr. Agus said there's a thing called Oxytosin in our body that relaxes us. He said if you look at someone in the eye like a person or a dog then it releases that and it relaxes you.
Howard said we really don't get hugs. He said he's still afraid of getting COVID. He said he's still locked up in his house. He said maybe he should just go out and get the fucking thing already. He said it's getting crazy. He said he tests everyone that comes over. He said he's not hugging anyone. Dr. Agus said 95 percent of the country has had it. He said that's what the studies say. He said they looked at the combined water in airplanes and they found that 81 percent of flights had it in March of last year. He said that's down to 9 percent now. He said we're doing much better at dealing with it now. He said Howard is protected and he should be okay if he gets it. He said he'd get a bad cold at the most. Howard asked how he can get out of the house. He said he has to get out. He said he's living in total paranoia. He said Dr. Agus is going out and not wearing a mask.
Dr. Agus said they found 20 strangers and they're going to have them come in and hug Howard now. Howard said he hasn't even had a cold in 3 years. Dr. Agus said that he is more susceptible to those things now. He said that we had a pause in exposure to those pathogens. He said you do have to get back out and start doing things. He said Paxlovid is a good thing we have that can help but we may not need it. He said that this is a persona decision. Howard said he has to go out. He said he's turning into Howard Hughes.
Howard asked if he should worry about Long COVID. Dr. Agus said people who were vaccinated are pretty well protected from long term COVID.
Howard said Dr. Agus is there to promote his book that's coming out next week. He asked if this is his third book. Dr. Agus said it's actually his fourth. He said that they have a lot to learn from animals.
Howard said they learned that pigeons teach us instinct. Dr. Agus said they are amazing. He said they sent pigeons out to send messages in early war. He said that they look at landmarks and use that to find where they're going. He said we as humans should do more of that. He said pigeons teach us about that.
Howard said we have a lot to learn from animals. He asked if we are tricking our bodies into thinking we're younger so we can live longer. Dr. Agus said when you look in nature you see animals in zoos and the life expectancy goes down. He said there are animals out there in the wild who are afraid and that makes them want to live. He said we're like the zoo animals and we have to go out and start being like the wild animals. He said we have to get out of our comfort zone and move around.
Howard said he sees Mick Jagger out there and he seems to be in good shape and he's an 80 year old. Howard said that Dr. Agus said fear can make you more aware and it helps to go out and do things. Dr. Agus said that he's basically saying that if you lock yourself in your house it's not a good thing. Howard said he knows he has to get out.
Howard asked when they're going to do something about balding. Dr. Agus said he's losing hair and so is Howard. He said the stem cells are asleep. He said it happens around the age of 25. He said they have a study going and they're saying that there should be a new treatment that helps people with balding. He said that they just have to wake up those cells.
Dr. Agus said that science is really taking off and there is so much going on with stem cell research and it's being done for blindness and things like that. He said they could cure blindness some day using stem cells.
Howard asked about AI and what's going to happen with health care with that. Dr. Agus said AI will be able to use data they have out there in the health care system to figure out things to help people.
Howard said he also said that AI may help us communicate with animals. Dr. Agus said we're getting close. He said that they can figure out when dogs are hungry and things so we're close to figuring out how to communicate. He said that's not far away.
Howard asked Dr. Agus if he thinks there is a life after death. Dr. Agus said that he thinks we all have a spirit and that can live on with other people. He said we all have a reason for being here. He said he doesn't think there's a life after death or anything but our spirit will continue on beyond us.
Howard said that maybe that's how we live on. He said his mother used to say that he got his shtick from his grandfather. He said that's how we live on. Howard asked if there are certain genetic markers that make you a great artist or something or is that horse shit. Dr. Agus said he thinks we do inherit things like being creative and things like that from our parents. He said a lot of it we do ourselves. He said that people are born to do certain things. He said he wasn't born an athlete and some are. He said he read books and things like that. He said his father was a doctor. He said his grandfather would read him books and things and he just wanted to be outside. He said he looks back and that was his formation.
Howard said he loves Dr. Agus and thinks he's a top thinker. He said he sees that he has his own TV show now. Dr. Agus said he just did six interviews with people and that's it. He said it's done now. He said that he was working in his lab one day and he got a visit from Andy Grove from Intel. He said Andy told him he was not a good public speaker. He said he ended up working on that because of that. He said it's such a privilege to be able to educate people. Howard said Dr. Agus is a very soothing guy and he is able to explain things to him and he relaxes. He said that he sees him doing the interviews and he worries that he's going to get very famous and he won't be able to get him on the phone. He said he sees him with Jane Fonda and people like that. Dr. Agus said she has lymphoma. He said he talked to her about aging gracefully. He said he wants people to get comfort from others. He said that Ashton Kutcher almost died from an Auto immune disease. Howard asked what that was. Dr. Agus said he was not able to see or hear and his brain was not able to function. He said his brother had heart transplant and he talked to him about all of that. He said that they do that to help others. He said the show is about them and not about him.
Howard asked what Oprah's problem was. Dr. Agus said that she had some issues and they weren't sure what it was. He said it turned out to be Menopause. He said to bring that out to people was very important.
Howard asked Dr. Agus if they were on a boat with Oprah, would he save him or Oprah if he had to let one of them go. Dr. Agus said that they're both amazing people. He said he loves Howard and he is his patient. He said they have Oprah too though so he has two arms so he's going to save both of them. Howard said that's not an answer. He said he thinks he would save Oprah. Dr. Agus laughed. Howard said he has that feeling.
Howard said he has written a book and he didn't think he had it in him. Dr. Agus said this is last one. He said it took six years to write. He said he's very proud of it. He asked Robin if she's ever had a dog. Howard said she did when she was younger. Dr. Agus said that dogs don't sleep very deep so they sleep all day. He said that when you go to a hotel you sleep like a dog. He said that he has things he brings with him at a hotel so he can get the right sleep. He said we don't have predators like dogs do.
Howard said that you should be friendly toward strangers and that helps you. Dr. Agus said he goes home and his dog is happy to see him and that helps him. Howard asked what it is that we don't go and get more love from people. Dr. Agus said it's hard today with people and the #MeToo movement. He said you do have to get permission before touching someone but we need to ask and get that from people. He said he knows when Howard had his first dinner out he called him and he knows Howard had fun. He said there are amazing things we miss when we're not with people.
Howard asked about the COVID boosters. He said everyone is confused about it. He said he was talking to his sister about it and she thinks it's once a year. He asked what he recommends. Dr. Agus said the COVID booster is very important. He said that the current booster is for the newer variants out there. He said the average person will get a booster once a year like a flu shot. He said people with medical conditions or those who are older may get it more often. He said Howard got one in the fall and he may get another next fall. He said that your body is ready for the virus now and it can take it.
Howard said he can't believe he wears one of those rings that tells him when to walk. Dr. Agus said he really likes it. Howard asked how much walking he's doing. Dr. Agus said not enough. He said he tries to do it on the weekends. He said he was up early this morning so he wasn't able to do it today. He said he has to do it more.
Howard said Dr. Agus is the one who put him on Metamucil. He said you should see his doody. He said he's going to send him a picture later. Howard asked if two cookies a day is good. Dr. Agus said for him it's fine.
Howard said he has a friend who takes Nitric Oxide spray to stop COVID. Howard asked if that's bogus. Dr. Agus said it is. He said there are many things that people take thinking it will help and it's not helping.
Dr. Agus he misses Howard a lot. Howard said his wife wants him to go out. He asked if he should do it. Dr. Agus said yes. He said that he's still very cautious. He said he isn't going to concerts and stuff. He said he brings tests with him and he'll ask them to take a test if he's sitting next to someone on a flight. He said that so far people are willing to do it.
Howard said he's being cautious in a way. Dr. Agus said he still wears masks with patients. Howard asked if he has people wears masks to his house. Dr. Agus said he does not but he will ask them if they have any symptoms. He said that if they do he won't want them in the house.
Howard asked Dr. Agus if he takes off his shoes in his house. Dr. Agus said he has slippers he wears around the house. He said it's hard to walk around without shoes. He said he has these clog like shoes that he wears.
Howard asked if he has to worry about this norovirus. Dr. Agus said it's around but there will be lots of those things. He said that his life style before COVID was lower risk and that's what it'll be like from now on. He said we have to live.
Howard asked if a week will go by that he won't call him and wonder if he's going to live. Dr. Agus said he loves talking to Howard, Beth and Robin.
Howard asked Dr. Agus about this fast that Robin was on. Dr. Agus said that we can learn a lot from animals on this one. Robin said animals do fast. She said that look at her result. Howard said it's a miracle.
Dr. Agus said that we are made to eat a few meals per day. He said if you graze throughout the day that's not good. Howard said he hates that grazing. Dr. Agus said that grazers have on right to be around. He was just going along with Howard. Howard said no more grazing.
Robin said that she just extends the time between her meals. Howard said he called Dr. Agus and told him about Robin's diet. He said he was a snitch and he's happy about that.
Howard gave Dr. Agus another plug for his book The Book of Animal Secrets: Nature's Lessons for a Long and Happy Life.
Robin said she thought that Howard was going to have to do his show. Howard said hell no. He said he is at his mercy but he's also sequestered. Howard said Dr. Agus has a number you can call him on so all the people on the phone can do that. Robin said they have to set a date for when he's going to go out. Howard said he wants to go visit Dr. Agus in L.A. He said he may do that. Robin said they need to go out to dinner or something with friends. Howard said his hands are shaking thinking about that.
Howard asked Dr. Agus if he has anything else to say about the book. Dr. Agus said that he asked Jane Goodall to write a blurb for the book. He said she doesn't usually do that but he asked her to do it for him. He said what she has done is amazing. Howard said he's right and apes do a great job as parents. Robin said they're better parents than humans are.
Howard played the Dr. Agus them song that the guys write to the tune of Amadeus. Howard gave him another plug and wrapped up. Howard thanked him for coming on today and let him go.
Howard said there he is. He said he went to the University of Pennsylvania and Princeton. He wishes he had that kind of IQ. Robin said he has his abilities and Dr. Agus has his. Howard said he's busy watching porn all day. Robin said she's glad he brought up the masturbation thing. She knew it was BS. Howard said he has been feeling so down not being able to jerk off enough. He said he was rubbing this thing and nothing was coming out. He said he needs a day to reload. He said he can't make his wife suffer with 26 times a month. Robin said there is no number so stop telling people that. Howard said he's going to write in his journal today that it was a very good day for him learning about that.
Howard said he loves talking to Dr. Agus. Robin said it was nice he wasn't yelling at her today. Howard said he is so smart about everything and Robin will push back on him. He said that she has to listen to him. He said Robin will disagree with him and he doesn't understand.
Howard said tomorrow they have KISS coming in and he has to get to Sal the Psychic. He said that's it for today. They ended the show around 10:15am.
Howard said he was just talking to JD and he was giving him a quiz. He said he was on Billboard's Twitter account and they say that Metallica has spent 700 weeks on the top 200 chart. He said that's the fourth longest charting album in history. He said JD asked what other albums were ahead of it. He said that it has to be Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon and then he guessed The Eagles. He said that's not in the top 3 but Pink Floyd was.
Howard said how about Michael Jackson's Thriller. JD said that's wrong. Howard said it has to be something stupid. He said maybe it's a Bing Crosby album or something stupid like that. He thought about it and asked JD what they are. He said maybe Garth Brooks or something. JD said not him. Howard asked if it's a woman. JD said it's not and then Howard guessed Madonna or Mariah Carey. JD said it's not a woman. Robin asked if it's a group with a woman in it. Howard said it's probably Abba. JD said it is a band and no women are in the band. He said it's a rock band.
Howard guessed a bunch of bands and JD was giving him hints. Howard asked him to just give it to him. JD said Bob Marley's Legends. He said the other one is Journey's Greatest Hits is the number 3.
Howard said he's surprised at the Bob Marley. He said he wouldn't have guessed Journey either. He said they're more successful than you even know.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if they're working on getting Chris Stapleton on the show. Howard said he was already on the show. He said she should check that out on the app. The caller asked if he heard the song he did with Justin Timberlake. Howard said he has not. She said it was a few years ago. Howard said he'll pull it up and take a listen. He said he may have heard it.
Howard said congratulations to Metallica for that Billboard thing. He said they've been around a long time and it's hard in the music business. Howard said he was watching American Idol last night. He said he likes watching people auditioning. He said he hates the shtick but the auditions are good. He said he doesn't like the clowning around before the kids come in. He said the judges start doing things and he doesn't like that stuff. He said it's weird.
Howard said when he was on America's Got Talent they encouraged them to have orchestrated fun and he hated that. He said no offense to Howie, Mel B and Heidi but he hated that orchestrated fun. He said it's not fun or funny. He said judging is the fun part for him. He said that's interesting enough and he has no desire to be a clown. He said he's a big fan of Howie but he's good at doing that stuff. He said it's great for him. He said he was grateful for Howie being there. He said he was happy to do that stuff there. He said he's been around a long time and he's good at that stuff.
Howard said he was hired to be a judge and not a clown. He said that's why he was there. He said if they argued about an act or something he's down for that. He said that's cool but the shtick is lame. He said he sees that they're doing a lot of that on American Idol. He said Katy Perry is better than that. He said Lionel Ritchie is a talented guy and he feels bad for him. He said the country guy whose name he forgets seems to have a thing with Katy. Robin said his name is Luke Bryan. Howard said Katy and Luke do stuff and seem to ignore Lionel. He said he's not good with the goofing around like they are. He said they each try to get a moment when the kids cry and run over to them. He said it's like a race. He said it's camera time for them.
Howard said Lionel carries a handkerchief. He said that's how old he is. He said he's really old school. He said his dad used to have one of those. He said you snot in it all day and then throw it in the wash with the rest of the clothes. He said these are successful artists and they don't want to hug people. He said one guy last night never shaved. He said his beard was really long and he was only 25. He said he looked like Willie Nelson.
Howard said then Lionel hands his black handkerchief to this guy and he's like oh my god. He said you know he's wiping his face with that. He said it's fucking crazy. Robin said there's too much sharing on the show.
Howard said they used to do this on America's Got Talent. He said he figured he had to jump on stage before Howie did. He said it was a race for them. He said he got caught up in it and he'd rush on stage. He said he hated so much about the show. He said he just wanted to be straight forward with the contestants. He said he wanted to tell them the truth. Howard said that's what he wants on American Idol.
Howard said he was thinking about KISS last night. He said they wrote real music and played every shithole and kept at it all these years. He said the kids who walk on American Idol have good voices but they haven't been through all of this. He said these kids just want to have it easy and not have to go through all of that. He said they want to be Carrie Underwood or Kelly Clarkson. He said they were flukes but they have that dream. He said some of the kids look like they climbed out of a swamp.
Howard said he likes American Idol but he yells at the TV. He said his wife goes to sleep because she's tired of him yelling at the TV.
Howard said KISS and the Stones and Beatles are all working it. He said you have to get your ass up and out there. He said look at his career. He said no one was looking for him. He said he got rejected from every station but the shittiest station in the country. He said he got paid $4 an hour. He said the fact that they put him on shows that they were the worst. He said this guy hired him based on how he dressed. He said he did show up and worked every day. He said after 2 years he still sucked. He said he sent out tapes and he still didn't get a job. He said he eventually found a station that would put him on and he still sucked. He said he sucked in Detroit too. He said he finally figured it out and had an epiphany and figured he was going to have to do something or he'd have no life. He said he had to do something and be funny and he willed it. He said it was enough of losing and he wanted to win. He said he ended up going to number 1. He said he never would have been able to do that if he hadn't put the time into his work. He said if he had still lived in Roosevelt with his parents he never would have done that. That led to him doing his impression of his parents talking about getting him out of the house and working.
Howard said Gene and Paul and the rest of the band got shit on by everyone. He said they finally put some makeup on and figured out what to do. He said they're going to hear the real story later. He said he's excited to talk to those boys. He said you have to overcome some things.
Howard said Katy Perry is looking good. He said he's wondering if she took that Ozempic pill or something. He said she has some rockin' body now. He said that's the Katy Perry he remembers. He said never mind this mommy stuff. He said he doesn't want that Katy. He wants the Katy Perry that kissed a girl and liked it.
Howard said he's going to ask the boys how the struggled in their careers. Howard said he wasn't far from putting on makeup like they did. He said no one is willing to pay their dues these days. He said that's the TikTok generation. He said KISS' first album only sold 75,000. He said they didn't give up though. He said they kept going. He said their first gig had 3 people show up... he's pretty sure.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been playing guitar for 35 years. He said he just started going out and doing open mic's. He said it's completely different today. He said it's foreign to kids how much work it takes. Howard said he sees these kids on Idol and they're all like that. He said they think that nothing like that is going to happen for them. He said they sit at home. The caller, Corey, said he just goes out and plays on the street and he's invisible. Howard said he's depressing him with that. He let the guy go.
Howard said he's been to Rwanda, Illinois. He said what a horror that chemical spill thing was.
Howard said he was watching the news about this chemical spill and how this guy claims that his voice changed after the spill. He played a clip of the guy and he had a high pitched voice like High Pitch Erik. The guy said that he used to have a deep voice. He said no one has anything to help him out. Robin said he sounds like ''Eric the Bagger'' which she confused for Mark the Bagger. Robin said it's like a combination. Howard said some of the guys were thinking because he had a Trump shirt on he was faking it. Howard said he doesn't know about that.
Howard put on his voice changer and did his impression of the guy. Howard said he thinks that guy is for real though. Robin said a lot of people have said they have had skin irritation and stomach upsets and things. Robin said no one has gotten any super hero powers. Howard said that was why Stan Lee was so great. He would have seen this and come up with a new character. He said he was good at that. Howard did more of his voice changing thing and had the guy talking about his former voice and his new voice. He said he has turned into Leprechaun Man. Then he started coming up with the back story for this character. He said he can find gold anywhere with his super powers. Robin laughed so Leprechaun Man told her not to do that or he'll turn her into a gold statue. Robin said she doesn't like this super hero. She said he's mean.
Howard said that's a crazy story about his whole voice changing. He said that's scary.
Howard asked Seany who he thinks is behind this. Seany said that's the shadow government that wants a one world bank and things like that. Howard said his theories are great especially with that voice of his. Howard asked if he was in a chemical spill and lost his voice. Seany said that's not it at all. He said it's not that interesting.
Howard asked if he believes that the earth is flat. Seany said he's not into that. Howard asked why that exists. Seany said he's not sure about that.
Howard asked what he thinks was going on with the Chinese balloon. Seany said he thinks that it was a test to see how quick we'd shoot it down. He said he thinks the next ones will contain nukes and it'll rain down an EMP. Howard said he zoned out. Robin said it's ridiculous what he's getting into.
Howard asked Wolfie if he's been talking to Seany and what's been going on. Wolfie said that he scared him with the nukes thing. He said that his big theory is that since Trump declassified the UFO documents there have been more sightings. He said more people are free to share it now.
Howard asked if Seany wants to meet Leprechaun Man. Seany said no, it's ridiculous. Howard went into the character anyway. Seany said this is ridiculous and he doesn't have time for that.
Howard asked what Seany has learned in his research. Seany said a few months ago they were talking about the core of the earth slowing down. Howard said he didn't know about that. Seany said if the core stops moving then you can kiss it all goodbye. Howard said then the whole planet is over. Seany said the tidal waves would be 21 miles high. Howard went into Leprechaun Man again. Seany asked him to stop it. Howard said there's no difference between him and Dog Men. Seany told him to cut the shit.
Wolfie said that Seany saw another Dog Man in his yard. Seany said it's at night and you can't get a good picture. Howard said infrared. Seany said he was burning yard waste and he saw one. Howard said they should outlaw that. He said all these assholes would burn their leaves and they outlawed it in New York. He said it's pollution. He said he thinks they made it against the law.
Howard asked Seany how his marriage is going. He said he knows he was having trouble. Seany said his love life is fine. Howard asked if he's getting laid. Seany said he wanted to say RIP to Fred the Elephant Boy. Howard asked if he thinks that he died of natural causes or did the government get to him. Seany said he's not sure. He didn't stay in touch with him very much. Howard said imagine the conversation between those two. He said it must have been crazy when they got on the phone. Seany said it would take a long time.
Howard asked if Seany is still married. Seany said ''Uh, yeah.'' Howard asked Wolfie if he is still married. Wolfie said he didn't get into it with him. Seany said he can't get into any of that.
Howard asked if he's getting laid. Seany said he does what he has to do. Howard said he heard a rumor that his wife left him for a dog man. Seany said stop it. Howard went into Leprechaun Man again. Seany asked if that's all he has now. Howard said it is.
Wolfie told Seany to talk about how Bigfoot is a time traveler. Howard asked what that's about. Seany started to get into this Bigfoot inter dimensional travel thing and Howard said he can't believe he believes in that but not in Leprechaun Man because they're just as believable.
Howard said there's only 2 white rhino left in the world and this is the stuff Seany is getting into. He said how about believing in something that's real in this world. Seany said if there's victims of a car accident then they have to go to one first.
Howard asked if he can quiz Seany on something. He asked if werewolves are real or fake. Seany said they're fake. Howard asked about dog men. Seany said they're real. Howard asked about Abominable Snow Men. Seany said Yeti are real. He said that Zombies are fake. He said they're not real yet. Howard asked if we're going to turn into zombies like the ants do with that fungus. Seany said that's silly. He said he knows it's real in insects but the human brain is more complex than an ant. Robin said not his.
Howard asked about ghosts and Seany said they're real. He said vampires are fake. Howard said when you're dead you're done. He said there are no ghosts. He said Dr. Agus said that yesterday. Seany said he doesn't need to listen to that. He said he has his own beliefs. Howard asked if he thinks Michelle Obama is a man. Seany said he doesn't know about that. He said that's nonsense and silly. He said he doesn't care about that stuff.
Howard asked if we landed on the moon. Seany laughed and said no. He said there's no space station either. He said Stanley Kubrick did the whole moon thing. He said it was done on a sound stage. Howard asked about 9/11 and Seany said that's so deep. He said he never thought that it could have been orchestrated but then he watched a film about it.
Howard asked if 5G is being used to control people. Seany said not completely yet but there is a project blue beam that's coming for us all. Howard asked if the Holocaust was real. Seany said it was real.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Seany to say WNBC about 10 times. Howard asked Seany to say it ''W Nnn BC.'' Seany asked why. Howard said he wants to see if he says it the right way. Seany said that's a little insulting. Howard said a little bit but not that much. Seany tried it and did okay.
Howard asked about the Holocaust again. Seany said that was real. He said that chem trails are real. Howard asked what those are. Wolfie explained them and how Seany thinks they're poison. Seany said it's government agency and not necessarily poison.
Howard asked if Hillary is a lizard person. Seany said she's everything they say she is. He said the vaccine is mind control and blood clotting agents.
Howard asked Seany if he got vaccinated. Seany said he did have an incident and he took the first dose and had blood clots. Howard asked if Stevie Wonder is really blind. Seany said he doesn't care about that stuff. Howard asked if Dr. Fauci is a bad guy. Seany said he's a puppet being led on a string. He said he's bad for being manipulated the way he was.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Seany is clearly a dog man because he howls every third word. Howard said that's an interesting theory.
Wolfie told Seany to tell Howard what Bill Gates has been up to. Seany said he's been buying up farms around the country and the globe and why would he do that. He said he wants to control the food and the price point of our lives. Howard said the guy doesn't care about money and controlling our food. Seany said Bill Gates is ''hella sus'' as the kids would say today.
Seany said the movie ''Don't Look Up'' is a really good movie. He said that it was meant to be a joke but it's based on reality. He has his theories on that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said maybe he blood clots are from COVID. She said that's what COVID can do to people. Howard said that can't be because then no one would be out to get him. Seany said all he's saying is that he did have COVID a year after that. He said he was forced to get the stupid shot. Howard said there you go. He said he has thoughts on everything.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what's going on with Justin Bieber. Seany said he has to go. He hung up. Howard said that's right you can't talk about Justin Bieber. Howard asked why that is. Wolfie said that's what he does every time. He said that he thinks you'll disappear if you mess around with him. He said he thinks that he's Illuminati level and you never mention that name.
Robin said they were saying that Rihanna gave the Illuminati symbol during the Super Bowl. Wolfie said Seany didn't mention that but he's sure he has a theory on it.
Howard said he's not sure that the guy is doing. Robin said he's doing a few things and he keeps doing them. She said she's not sure what else he can do. Howard said he can appear with Leprechaun Man. He said he could put it on Broadway and make a whole musical about his life.
Howard said he was thinking that he's going to contact him and give him some ideas. He said he has a lot of ideas. Robin said they all stem from the same pool so he has to branch out. Howard said how about they give him a colonoscopy live. He said this all stems from his mom dying when he was young. He said the kid is screaming out for attention.
Howard answered a knock at the door and he had prince Harry audio book there. Howard had a conversation with the edited clips and gave him some advice on what else he can do. Harry Audio Clips were edited to curse Howard out and things like that. They went back and forth with that bit for a few minutes.
Howard said he really has to go. Prince Harry clips told him to fuck off. Howard let him go. Howard said he's just trying to help the kid. Robin said he's not open to any advice. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and talked about how much he loves this band. He was trying to figure out what the lyrics to the Beatles song meant. He went through some history of the song too.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked him for having Dr. Agus on. He said he's like America's Doctor. He asked how many hugs he got from Beth this morning. Howard said Beth actually heard that interview and she said she wants to hug him more. Howard said she never hugs him and he hasn't gotten any yet. He said he's not sure when it's going to happen. He said his wife is not a hugger. He said he loves doing that stuff but she's not a hugger. He said they do kiss but he wants to do a full make out when she leaves the house. He said he likes making out.
Howard said he went over to Beth's apartment when they first started dating. He said she likes music that he's not into. He said she put some music on and it was Bell and Sebastian. He said that they started dancing in her apartment and made out. He said that's what they used to do. He said Beth remembers doing that but she says they did that already. He said he is a guy who needs a few hugs. The caller said we all do. Robin said we are hug deprived. Howard said Beth claims she's going to start hugging him more but he hasn't gotten it yet. He said that hugging your pet counts so Beth does that all day. He said he picked up his cat Helen and hugged her. He said that they had a good time together.
The caller asked if Dr. Agus is getting more Oxytosin from his dog more than anyone else. Howard said he does love his dog and he thanked him for that in his book. He said the book was dedicated to his dog.
The caller, Ryan, said that having Dr. Agus on during the pandemic saved lives. He said he was the only guy who he wanted to hear talk about that stuff. Howard said he has been terrific. Robin asked if Howard is going to make plans to go out or not. Howard said he is seriously thinking about leaving his house. He said any day now he'll go out.
Robin said he needs a shove. Howard said he knows. He said he tests everyone when he goes out and he's not sure if he can let that go. Robin said he has to let that go. Robin said he's well protected. Howard said he was shocked when he told his doctor about how 95 percent of the people have had COVID. Robin said he said it was had COVID or are vaccinated. Howard said he quoted the wrong thing then. He said he loves Dr. Agus though. He said he's going to try to get 8 hugs a day for 20 seconds each.
Howard said his wife was listening to the stuff he was saying about jerking off. He said she said that he doesn't have to do it so much now. Howard said he told her he was just telling stories. He said he doesn't jerk off. He said if she wants to have sex 27 times a month he's up for it though.
Howard played a George Harrison song called ''Wah-Wah'' and said it's not as good as Metamucil Man but he loves it. Howard asked what the chances are of 4 guys coming together and making so many hit songs. He said then they go out on their own and come up with this. He said it's fucking brilliant. Robin said it's like the whole Seattle scene during the 90s. She said there was a lot of amazing music.
Howard said then he's watching American Idol and the kids are complaining about not getting any breaks.
Jon Hein came on and told Howard about why George wrote that song about the band crying and whining about stuff. Howard said the song goes into ''Isn't It a Pity'' and that might be for the same reason. Howard played that song too. Howard said he remembers buying this album. He said it was a box set and it was expensive. He said there was one side that had some not so great songs on it. He said he felt a little ripped off on that side.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to ask if Tuchus could collaborate with KISS so they can call it KISS My Tuchus. Howard said sure, he'd love to do that. Howard played his song ''Smell My Tuchus.'' Howard said that's just 3 guys. He said it's good. He said you'll be singing that all day. Robin said she'll be singing that all weekend.
Howard said he thinks he has Rick Rubin mixing Metamucil Man right now. He said when he gets KISS in there he has to ask them about touring with Aerosmith and they opened up for them and things got ugly and they had a falling out. He said they said some shitty things about each other. He said he wonders how things get that bad. He said he loves Aerosmith so much so he figures they must have made up. Robin said they'll find out. She said there are a lot of big egos.
Howard said he was wondering about Katy Perry and her weight loss. He said someone told him that Chelsea Handler said that she took that drug to lose the weight. Gary said she did say she took it but she said it was accidentally. She said that she didn't know it was for weight loss. Howard said that's crazy. He said they say that the drug can turn your face old. Robin said it's called Ozempic. Howard said he wouldn't take a drug to get thin. He said he knows there are side effects. Robin said a doctor offered it to her and she wanted to do it on her own. She said that she did do it on her own after that. Howard said she wants to be hot. He said she loves that. He said she could have messed up her face. Robin said she didn't want another drug to take. She said then the doctor saw her and said she did it the old fashioned way.
Howard said that is a tempting thing to take. He said it's actually a weekly injection. He said Katy whipped herself into shape. Robin said maybe she did it naturally. Howard said maybe she did. He said she looks terrific. He said she didn't lose the titty mass. He said that Robin has managed to do that too. Robin said she can't lose them. Howard said she chopped them off and they grew back. Robin said they were meant to be a certain volume.
Howard said Robin wanted to be an A or B cup and the doctor said no. He said they chopped some out of there and she went from a G cup to a D and then she was upset that they weren't that much smaller. He said the G came back in a year or so. He said God wants her to have big titties. He said that God said no fucking way. Howard did his voice changing thing again and had God talking about those tits being his greatest creation. He said it took him six days to make those tits and then he needed a day of rest. He said people say the sunset is beautiful but every sunset is nothing compared to Robin's tits. He said his son Jesus loves her tits too.
Howard, as God, said that it took him 3 days to create Mt. Everest but it took six days to create her tits. He said people would see her tits and then they believe in him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was on Ozempic and he was at 380 pounds and lost about 100. He said he lost it in about 5 months. He said it was insane. He said it was hard to eat. He said you're very full all the time. He said you can eat but you fill up fast. He said he got really sick though. He said they increased his dosage and he wasn't able to digest food so he was vomiting about once a week. Howard said he's not sure why people would take that. He said you don't know what it's going to do to you.
The caller, Mike, said he learned to work out and he has kept the weight off. Howard said no food tastes as good as thin feels. He said he thinks Robin said that. Robin said she said no such thing.
Howard said he's going to take a break and get KISS in there. He said he's looking forward to that. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said that's some Led Zeppelin. He said that he can't wait to say hello to KISS. He said everyone loves KISS and their 100 million albums sold. Howard said there you go. He said they're looking good. They were in full makeup. Howard said they must be miserable.
Howard said he was just playing some Zeppelin and he was thinking about them last night. He said Zeppelin gets knocked a lot and KISS did too. He said they used to get shitty reviews in Rolling Stone. He said that's why he's celebrating them today. He said they've had such a long carer and that's amazing. He said it's amazing to sell 100 million albums.
Paul said they have always tried to be the band you never saw. He said they took it to another level. He said people who don't get it probably haven't seen them. He said that they are celebrating themselves and other people. He said they're having their final shows in December. Howard asked why make the statement that it's the final shows. He asked if it's a real thing or a marketing thing. Paul said it is a real thing. He said 20 years ago they may have done it but they didn't realize that they were going to bring it back. He said they have been together for 20 years playing stadiums and being together. He said he's 70 now. Gene said he's going to be 74.
Howard said he's so freaked out by the end of life. He said you get into your 70s and your friends drop off. He asked how they're dealing with that. Howard asked what their plan would be. Paul said leaving the band doesn't mean they stop making music. He said it's in their blood. He said that's what makes them get up in the morning. He said he doesn't want to retire until he dies. He said he has seen so many people around him die. He said he thinks that they have QTR, Quality Time Remaining, and you have to take advantage of that.
Paul said he had his 8th operation and he had a bunch of things done. He told Howard the long list of things he's had done due to the way they move around on stage. He said all of his doctors are sports doctors.
Gene said you have to run your own race and be who you can be. He said be extraordinary. He said there's only one Howard Stern out there. He said there is only one KISS too. He said be the best you can be. He said in terms of retirement there are so many things to look forward to. He said his daughter just got married. Howard said congratulations. Gene said they missed out on a lot of things in the 50 years they've been out there. He said they can look forward to that now.
Howard said Gene and Paul have been together since high school. He said they made music together and made a great career. Howard said he told Paul McCartney that he was in love with John Lennon. He said he got uncomfortable with that. He said he thinks the same thing about Paul and Gene. He said it must be hard to walk away and not tour. Paul said they have become wiser and he thinks that Howard has too. He said there is more to life than just this. He said the toll it takes on your physically is a lot. Howard asked what Paul is going to do when they finish this tour. He asked what his day is going to be. Paul said he wants to pain He said he paints almost every day now. He said he has a career as a painter. He said he's sold over $24 million in paintings. He said he does large acrylics. He said he has a show coming up. He said there's so much to do. He said Howard was talking about seeing people die around him. He said that he saw life as a moving sidewalk and people are moving toward something. He said that time is precious and you realize that as you get older. Howard said he knows.
Gene said that they have been together so long. Howard asked if he's in love with Paul. Gene said he is. He said he's not going to joke about it either. Howard said he loves to hear that. Gene said they've been saying this longer than Howard has been alive. He said they don't agree on everything but they do have a relationship where they have mutual respect. He said Paul knows things that he will never know and the other way around too. Gene said the band wouldn't be what it is now without Tommy and Eric too. He said they've been in the band for the past 20 years. Howard said thanks to those guys for coming in to play today too.
Howard said Gene grew up poor and he had a horrible childhood. He said he saw some bad shit when he was young. He said his dad left when he was 6 and he never saw him again. Gene said his father had 4 families. Paul said that he didn't even realize how much it was for him. He said it made a difference in who he is. Gene said he had an advantage that his mother was the moral compass of who he was. He said he always looked up to her. He said that when you go behind the curtain you realize without her he would have gone to the dark side right away. He said he never smoked or drank or anything like that. He said his mother was a holocaust survivor. Howard said Paul's dad was too. Paul said his dad was first generation here from Poland. He said his mom got a call that they were going to be rounded up and they got out of Poland. He said they went to the train station and left to Amsterdam. He said it's incredible that when you see people who you grew up around having numbers on their arms. He said they didn't want to make him be exposed to that trauma so they would tell him it was their phone numbers. He said it was life changing for them. He said it gave them a work ethic and it made them want to pick themselves up and work.
Howard asked if they were sad as kids. He said he was exposed to a lot of things as a kid. He said he felt like the world was a really dangerous place. He said you don't know what's out there and what's coming up. He said maybe that bonded them. Gene said he never looked at it that way. He just looked forward. He said that he was always able to come home to mom. He said he's a mama's boy. Howard asked if the old man ever came looking for him. Gene said no. He said he bought him houses and supported his half brother and three half sisters. He said he did that in return for giving him life. He said he felt he had a responsibility to make it so he didn't have to worry about anything. He said that he didn't want the social interaction though. Howard said he bought him the house but he didn't get a call thanking him. Gene said he wrote letters but he didn't read them. He said his mother had a stack of letters that he never read. He said she tried. He said she flew to Israel at least 20 times and handed them cash. He said that she just wanted to make sure he was okay. Gene said he never had a bad day in his life. He said when they came to America when he was about 8 and a half years old he never saw anything like this when they got there. He said he was reading comic books and things like that and that's a result of those childhood fantasies and preoccupations.
Howard asked Paul about being 15 and going into therapy without his parents even knowing. He said that when he hears Gene say that he gave his father all of this stuff does he wish that he would go to therapy. Paul said he thinks it's marvelous that Gene has come to this and he didn't want to face some of this before. He said he wouldn't want to see the floodgates open. He said it can be more traumatic. He said that he give it to Gene for dealing with it the way he has. Howard said he has so much anger in him and he can't imagine what he would do if he had his dad do to him what Gene's dad did to him. Howard said imagine the songs he could write if he let it all out. Gene said he didn't think he had the right to do that. He said he didn't want to do therapy and talk about depression and stuff like that. He said he has never been depressed. He said he just works hard and moves forward. He said he's been doing that for 50 years. Howard said it's amazing.
Paul said he wants to know what everything means. He said he's the opposite of that. He said he wants to make himself a better person and like himself more. He said he didn't like himself. He said that his parents had a lot of issues and problems. He said they weren't able to be optimal parents. He said he felt threatened by that and he went into Mt. Sinai and asked for help on his own. Howard said if he did that his father would have punched him in the face. He said he's impressed that he was able to do that. He said he's more like Gene and he kept it all bottled up inside. Paul said you can either suffer through it or dig into it. He said it may hurt a lot but it will make life better. Howard said if he could have done that at an early age he would have. He said he did go into therapy and it did help. Paul said it's commendable what he has done. He said he has watched him over the years and it's good that he did that. He said it's a shame that it's shunned and not embraced.
Howard said what he admires about Paul is that he knew he needed help and he went for it. He said that the last thing you'd expect him to go into would be music when you can't hear out of one ear. Paul said they all got into it to seek approval. He said that's why they're all up there. He said they're all needy. Howard said he's right. He said it's crazy to think that you can get into this business and make your own music. He said so few people are able to pull it off. Paul asked if he thinks that people are more alike than not. He said to please themselves they wanted to be the band that no one had seen. He said if you do something that no one else has seen it's great.
Gene said he could never do that therapy thing. He said he didn't think he had the right to do that after his mother went through the concentration camps and all of that. He said the last thing she wanted was to have her son complaining about being alone. Howard said Gene didn't get what he needed. Howard said when your mother is sad you can't go to her. He said he must have needed someone. Gene said he didn't get high or drink and he didn't have any right to make his mother feel pain. Howard said he did have the right to ask her why his father left. Paul said that he thinks his mom would have surprised him and maybe it would have been okay for her. Paul said he went to his dad and asked for help and he said that he's not the only person with problems. He said Gene's case is different. He said that you do have to confirm that you're right or wrong.
Gene said that he thinks that his mother saw the terrible things she saw. Howard said he knows that he's referring to. Gene said he knows that he walks into a room and he is seen in a certain way. He said he created who he is and he is fully aware of what he invented. He said that's his armor. He said that's what he did for himself. He said that he has his wife and he's been with her for 30 years and married only 10. He said he was an asshole for years. Howard said he sees a boy who had horrors in his life and he was doing this stuff to make up for what he went through. He said some of these situations are really sad. He said he thinks this bonds them as brothers.
Paul said he put his hand on Gene's shoulder at Sophie's wedding. He said he was talking about what they have now and they couldn't have comprehended this when they were younger. He said it's a lot of joy they're getting now at this point. He said they didn't get there overnight. He said it took a lot of pitfalls and things.
Paul said in the early 90s they were having some strained times. He said an earthquake happened in Los Angeles. He said he called Gene first to make sure he was okay. He said he had to make sure he was okay even though they weren't on the best of terms.
Gene said he hates flying and always has. He said he took a flight that he thought was going to be his last. Paul took over and said he had five surgeries to reconstruct his ear. He said they took time to do that to make it cosmetically good. He said that it was incredibly painful. He said that Gene flew up to see him after that and he hated flying. Gene said it was a plane with a hamster on a wheel making the propeller move.
Gene said they used to live 1/4 of a mile from each other. He said now they're a few miles so they still see each other. He said you don't make a date of it. He said they're together more than married couples. Paul said he may run into him in the market. He said Shannon is like his sister in law. He said that you don't want to see them all the time but they're family. He said there's a bond there.
Gene asked when Howard took Robin to dinner last. Howard said he calls her all the time but they haven't seen each other in 3 years. He said he's still hiding from COVID.
Paul said they have some other interesting guys there. Howard said he'll get to them too. Paul said they weren't able to keep the band going with the original guys. He said the last 20 years has been a pleasure. He said they take a tremendous amount of pride in what they do. Howard said he thought it was hurtful that the rock and roll hall of fame didn't have these two guys inducted. He said these two guys, Tommy and Eric, have been with them for 20 years. He said it had to hurt not to be in the hall of fame. One of the guys said they were there supporting them and it was good. Paul said the hypocrisy is that they kept them out for 15 years on purpose. He said they induct all kinds of people and this was unfair and they were having rouble even getting into the award ceremony. Howard said they have sold 100 million albums. He said they're rock and roll and they still gave them a hard time. Howard said he thought it was great of Tom Morello to induct them. He said he loves that guy. He said he was a KISS fan as a kid. He said it wasn't an easy thing to be.
Howard said Gene didn't give a shit about the hall of fame. Gene said it's more about how they have no right to complain about little things like that. He said they have the best lives.
Howard said these guys have been around forever and the makeup keeps your forever young. He said it's a great thing. Howard asked if Bowie was an inspiration for the makeup. Gene said he was great but there are no words to explain it. He said he can be glib and talk about what it all is but when he's on stage Gene is in there but there's something bigger there. He said part of what they do is how they appear. He said a caterpillar and a butterfly are the same thing but they move through life in different ways. He said when the bell rings the bullfighter moves.
Paul said he got to see Hendrix perform live twice. He said that made him want to elevate what he was doing to that level. He said at 17 he saw Zeppelin live and that was a religious experience. He said he left there with a friend and said they shouldn't even talk about it because it would make it less than it was. He said 10 years ago he became friends with Jimmy Page. He said he told them that they're a kick ass rock and roll band. He said it was a great thing to hear that from someone he admired as a kid. Howard said you want to pinch yourself when that happens. Paul said you should never lose that kind of fan admiration. He said if you do then you're full of yourself. He said when he meets someone he wants to make them feel the same way.
Howard said this is a great thing. He said it inspires others. Paul said you do something because you're compelled to do it. He said you do it logically. He said if someone says they want to be a musician you just tell them you have to just do it and not think about it. He said if you do think about it then you're on the wrong path.
Howard asked Gene about who inspired him. He asked if Paul locked himself in a room with a guitar. Paul said he created somebody who was popular and good looking. He said he was none of those things. He said he created that to get back at people who were mean to him. He said he wanted to be happy to the point that he didn't want to seek revenge. Howard asked if anyone ever came to a show that was a douche bag to him as a kid. Paul said no. He said it was enough to have that interaction that it didn't take him down to lower himself. He said he didn't want to get to that level.
Gene said that he has people nod their head to them at times. He said that they he has been so delusional about himself that he didn't have to do anything. He said that just look at their lives. He said that they have so many things they've gotten. He said the best reward is when a fan pays their hard earned money to come see them in concert. He said it's not about back room politics for some award show.
Howard asked why they didn't perform at the hall of fame. Paul said they have too much pride. He said this is the band and they'll be out performing out here. He said this band has carried the flag and it's the band they always wished it would be. He said they were demanding that hey would play with Peter and Ace there too so that would be demeaning to the band so they didn't want to do that. He said that would be confusing to people too.
Gene said they have been through the world with this lineup and they have never seen a banter or sign asking for any other line up. He said they chant Tommy and Eric at the shows. He said Eric has a story about how he was a fan. Howard said he'd love to hear that. He said it's an amazing thing to hear that.
Tommy said he and Eric saw them in concert when they were growing up. Paul said they're not that much younger than they are. Eric said Tommy dressed up like the band when he was growing up.
Howard said KISS was named Wicked Lesser. He said they wanted to call the band FUCK. Gene said that's not really true. He said they weren't serious about that. He said they would have named their first album ''It'' though. Paul said that KISS is a great name because around the world it's a word that transcends the world. He said it just seemed to incorporate all of the things they were doing.
Howard asked if the letters stood for anything. Paul said they're smart but not that smart. Howard said the name is a great name. He asked if they own the name. He asked if he can put out bed sheets called Kiss. Gene said no but they can make a deal. He said you can go to KISS World and see thousands of products that they have out.
Howard asked if Paul ever brought a song to the band and Gene would turn it down. Gene said there were times like that. He said all of the songs would almost always end up on an album. He said in 1979 or so Paul walked in with a song and he said it was called ''I Was Made for Loving You''. He said that he had him tell him what the lyrics were. He said he loved the lyrics and then he tells him that his part is the ''Do, do, do'' part. He said he hates that part. Howard played some of that song. Paul said it's funny when they go on stage and the band before them has a singer that sings in that gruff deep voice and then they do this song.
Howard said you never know what song is going to be a hit song or not. Paul said they can only do their share and give a record company product and they can drop the ball. He said there were certain songs they thought were going to be hits and they bombed.
Paul said they couldn't be there without Eric and Tommy today. He said they kept them around the last 20 years. Gene said they wish Ace and Peter the best because they were there in the beginning. He said that the bands that lasted the longest don't always have the original members of the band in them.
Howard said their first album only sold 70,000 copies. He asked if they thought they were going to do more than that. He asked if it was debilitating. Paul said that they saw that and thought about what to do next. He said they put out 3 albums in 18 months because they were determined. He said they were going to do it until they hit the jackpot.
Gene said they were a live band and they were doing 200 cities in a year. He said they were driving hours and hours to do shows. He said they were blowing all kinds of bands off the stage. He said they were opening for all kinds of bands.
Howard said he loves Aerosmith and some bad blood happened there. Gene said that's not so. He said that they have always gotten along. He said one time they played on the same bill and they got in the ring and tried to knock each other out. Paul said just because the road crew pulled knives on people doesn't mean anything. Gene said when you get in there you have to have the killer instinct because the fans deserve your best.
Howard asked if they would get along with Joe and Steven now. Gene said Joe is on his solo album. He said they get along just fine.
Gene and Paul were arguing about the song Strutter and who actually wrote it. Gene said he did and Paul said he did. Paul said that the thing that rubs them wrong is when bands sabotage you by not letting you use a full sound system or all the lights. He said it's not fair. He said a lot of bands do that. Howard asked him to name some. Gene said the band Argent did that. He said they were getting encore after encore and the band saw that and they were pulling the plug on them. He said it turns out the road crew had to pull knives on them not to pull the plug on them.
Howard said Eddie Van Halen wanted to join the band and Paul denies that story. Paul said he saw Eddie in the studio but he didn't know that conversation was going on. He said he didn't know he wanted to get into the band. He said that Eddie seemed more accessible at the time. He said he can't validate or say no about that story. Gene said that he was living in L.A. at the time and he was living with Diana Ross. He said he told Eddie to come on down to talk when he called. Gene said Eddie asked to join the band and he didn't think he was serious. He said that Eddie said he couldn't take Roth and he had to get out. Gene said he told him to stick with the band. He said he came in and played the song ''Jump'' and they just had keyboards. He said that they asked him if he was going to put some guitar on that song.
Paul said if you can knock them off their mantle then go out and do it. He said they can show you why they're the headliners. Gene said they went on tour with a lot of huge bands over the years. Gene said imagine what a great show it was for the fans. He said you get to see KISS and the other great bands. He said the whole experience had to be special. He said that they would get motivated when they would hear people cheering on the other bands.
Howard said he loves the band Enuff Z'Nuff. He said they were great but they never had a huge hit.
Gene said Cheap Trick should have been a huge band. He said he's not sure what happened. Howard said it is weird. He said they're so great. Howard said he has to celebrate KISS for being around so long. Howard asked who is playing like they do. He said maybe Springsteen and the Stones. Paul said Foo Fighters and Pearl Jam too. He said that he thinks that Foo Fighters are new but they've been around. He said they're a big stadium band and they're going back out on tour. Howard said it's just a handful of bands doing that now.
Howard said Gene mentioned Diana Ross. He said he was with her and he's been with Cher. He asked Paul what he thinks about Gene doing that and if he worried that he was going to lose him. Paul said that Gene did some things that felt like a betrayal. He said it was tough. Gene said that he came up to him and said they had to have a talk. Paul said he did tell him that it wasn't fair. Gene said that he did have this power thing going on. He said he wanted to be with a powerful woman. Paul said the compliment you get is only worth it from who you're getting it from.
Gene said life is a journey. He said that we've all heard the cliches. He said that he got serious about family with Shannon. He said she stuck by him for decades. He said you look back at the past and all the self centered stuff he did and most people in bands do that. He said it took Shannon to kick his ass and make him grow up into a man instead of a spoiled child.
Howard said this is why they have been able to stay together. Gene said if someone throws cold water in your face you react in a certain way. Paul said he thinks that Gene has realized when he says something to him that he's being constructive and not trying to get something. Gene said he's right but he wrote Strutter.
Gene said that Tommy and Eric have their input for the band. He said a band is like a four wheel drive vehicle.
Howard said that they're promoting the End of the Road tour. He said he's taking their word for that. He said there must be a sadness and a joy for it. Howard asked when the band is ending. Paul said December 1st and 2nd are the last shows at Madison Square Garden. He said there are 17 shows before that in the states. He said they lost 2 and a half years to COVID so this tour has been going on a few years. He said it's a high tech show but it's a kick ass rock and roll show. He said it's not Vegas and it isn't losing its balls. He said it's KISS and it's amped up. He said they're giving it everything they have.
Howard said Gene has said he may cry in the last show. Gene said he probably will. He said KISS was born on 29th street. Paul interrupted and said also known as 23rd street. Gene said it's only taken them 50 years to play the final shows on 33rd Street.
Howard asked what the biggest mistakes were for the band. Paul said he's not a big believer in mistakes. He said everything you do gets you to where you go. He said that one thing that was a mistake is when Eric Carr got sick with cancer they didn't believe it was true but it was heart cancer. He said it turns out he had major heart surgery and he didn't believe that he could die. He said he thought this was a new condition and it would go away. He said they took care of him and paid his medical bills. He said that they continued on without him in the band. He said that was a mistake that he can think of. He said Eric was dying and they didn't know that.
Gene said they flew to see Eric Carr when he was in the hospital. He said they got him some things he asked for. He said they thought he was just sick and didn't have any idea he was going to pass away. Howard said he knows exactly what they're saying. He said he's had people who got sick and you think they're too young to die and they end up dying.
Paul said they did what they thought was caring but they didn't know the depth of what was happening. He said he feels bad about that. He said Eric felt betrayed. Paul said that's the only regret he has.
Howard asked Eric and Tommy if they felt the backlash from the fans. Tommy said he did. He said he felt a lot of pressure coming into the band but things have worked out well. Paul said he's a phenomenal guitar player. He said he didn't know how good he was. He said he's leagues above what he thought. Tommy said he has good hair too.
Gene said Eric Singer is their secret weapon. He said he sits there on the drums and he also has the best voice in the band. He said he does the high parts and he's spot on. He said he's always there.
Howard asked who Eric thinks is the best drummer out there. Eric said Buddy Rich but for rock drummers it's John Bonham. Howard said he's right about that. Eric said that he has replaced both Peter and Eric Carr in the band so he's been doing that for 33 years. He said it's not just 20 years.
Howard brought up how crazy it was when the band broke up and how shocking it was. Paul said that they were having issues and it was a shock when that came about. Gene said they had a lot of pitfalls and some of that hit others harder than others. Howard said the band was making good money at the time. He said it had to be awful for them when things started falling apart. He said they were doing what they dreamed of and it fell apart.
Paul said he felt like they were on a roller coaster. He said that they say fame changes you but it's really just fame lets you be who you really are. He said it manifests itself differently in people.
Gene said you don't want to upset the fans. He said that Ace went off and did his thing. He said he went off and had his solo career. He said god bless him. Howard said he had a big hit with ''New York Groove.'' Gene said that Ace was on the cover of that last album they did together and he wasn't even part of the band at the time.
Howard asked if they had Slash audition to replace Ace. Paul said he thinks that he called and he was very taken with him. He said he was very down to earth. He said he thought the nickname Slash was cute. He said he was still in high school at the time. He said he told him to keep at it. He said Richie Sambora also tried out and things worked out for him. He said things have worked out for all of them.
Howard said they must have a lot more stories but he knows they're going to perform. He said that they're doing a song now and why are they doing this one. Paul said it will certainly wake them all up. He said they're doing Detroit Rock City. He said Detroit was great to them. Howard said he worked there when he was young and he has never lived in a more rock and roll town. He said it's like the ultimate stamp of approval when they take you in.
Howard said Paul wrote this as a tribute to the city. Paul said that it was also about a fan who died on the way to one of their shows. Howard had the band do their thing.
After performing ''Detroit Rock City'' Howard said that was great. He said he loved that. He said he has some thoughts on that. He said the guitar solo they were doing was something no one does anymore. He said he likes the harmonies together. He asked what kind of guitar Tommy has. Tommy said it's a Gibson Les Paul. Howard said he should have taken up guitar. He said he has some guitars but he can't play. He said Gene looks like he's having a good time. Gene said when they get on stage it's just energy. Paul said they have to be careful not to bang into each other up there.
Howard asked Paul how he takes care of his voice. Paul said he does warm up. Gene said he hates that stuff. Paul said it doesn't get easier. He said he's 70 years old so he doesn't sound the same. He said if you want to hear that tone from KISS Alive then put that album on.
Howard said the next song is ''Shout It Out Loud.'' He asked Paul about the song and Paul went into the roots of the song. He said it's a Motown kind of song and that's what they were going for. They were also going for an anthem kind of song because they were told that's what they needed as a band.
Howard said he's watching them play live and no one is doing that anymore. Paul said no one cares. He said the people watching don't care. Howard said he cares. Paul said people who are singing in the Super Bowl the echo is so bad that you have to have something being fed to you. He said Rihanna may be lip syncing but she actually sang that song. Howard said he was upset they had that released what he said about that the way they did. He said he was complimenting her on that in a way. Paul said that the shows people were doing 30 and 40 years ago were different. He said they're going to play though.
Howard had the guys do their thing again with ''Shout It Out Loud.'' After the song Howard said he loves it. He said he's ready to sleep with them. He asked who wants him. Gene said Robin first.
Howard asked if they ever get together just to harmonize. They said they do make sure the blend is right. Howard had them play the guitar solo again. Tommy did his thing with that.
Howard said that's a great sound. He said he loves it. He said they make it look like so much fun. Howard said Gene's tongue is longer than his penis. He said he's jealous every time he sticks it out.
Howard asked about ''Rock and Roll All Nite'' since that's their last song today. Paul told Howard about how that song came about. He said he and Gene wrote that one together. Gene said the chorus is more complex than you think it is. He told Howard about what it is and how a bar has four beats but this is more complicated. He said it's seamless because of the drums but there's a complexity there that's hidden there. Howard said there are some extra beats in the bar then. Eric said no. They got deep into the weeds with that. They were breaking down the song for Howard. Howard said he's worried that they're going to screw it up now that they're explained it to him. Gene said when this song comes up everyone knows the words around the world. Howard said the live version of this has so much energy. Paul said that's what they're about to do for him right now. Gene said he's really singing too. He said this is real. He tapped on the microphone to prove it.
Howard asked if this will be their final song of the final date on the tour. Paul said probably. He said that they may be blubbering idiots by the end of that show. Gene said when they got back together with Peter and Ace they did a reunion tour and people were crying. He said that they have a great fan response. He said when it reaches deep inside of you... He said he's getting choked up now. He said you're in people's lives and it has a deep meaning to them.
Howard had the guys perform ''Rock and Roll All Nite.'' After the song Paul said they want to do that one more time without the mistakes in it. Howard said he thought it was good. Paul wanted to do it again. Howard let them do it. Paul said they do make mistakes. Howard said it sounded so good. He said he wanted all of them inside of him at once. Howard asked what they didn't like. Paul said they're not pointing fingers. They went into the song again.
After the second round Howard said one more time. He said come on. He said Eric wants to play it one more time. Howard said what a morning. He asked how they decide who sings lead on the songs. He asked if they argue over it. Paul said it's who sounds best. Gene said it just happens. He went into a long explanation about writing songs and how the arguments lead to new songs. He said they end up writing songs and then the other person might sing it. That led to them arguing about Strutter again.
Howard said this might end up being the final KISS show today with the way they're arguing. He gave them some plugs for the End of the Road tour. Robin said this is upsetting her hearing about this end of the road. Tommy said the final shows talk even hit him a certain way. Howard said it's not that far away. Paul said they have 17 shows leading up to that and it's the finest show they've ever done. Howard asked if they miss the pyrotechnics and stuff. He said he likes them like this. Paul said they love doing it like this.
Howard said he kept them for like 2 hours so he's going to let them go. He said he enjoyed hearing about the band and hearing them perform. He said it's been spectacular. Robin said it was great to see them together. Howard said they sound great too. Howard gave them more plugs for the End of the Road tour.
Howard said he's still not sure what they did in the song that messed them up. Sal said he thinks it was Tommy doing his solo longer than he was supposed to and it threw them off. Howard said Sal got thrown out of a KISS show once. He said they wrote about it in the paper the next day. He said they actually had him listed as a frequent guest on the Howard Stern Show. He said that he ended up in the paper because of Sal's screw up. Howard said it must have been fun for Sal. Sal said it really was. He said that it was new stuff to him. He said he thinks the fans will be intrigued by this interview. He said it was amazing.
Howard said he's ready to go pee. It's been 2 hours. He wrapped up and ended the show around 11:10am.