Howard said he's not sure why they're working today. He said they should be off for President's day. He said they have some technical problems too. He said he can't see Robin. He said he likes to look her over. He said most of his screens are blackened today. Robin said she shouldn't have gotten dressed today. Howard said she should be nude.
Howard said everyone is in bed sleeping today so it's just the two of them listening. Robin said they should just treat this like a phone call.
Howard said today is President's day and they'll be visited by former President Obama any second now. He said he should be knocking on the door. He said President Biden visited Ukraine and he's on his way to Poland.
Howard answered the knock at the door and fake President Obama was there but they had to play his music first. Howard kept asking for him but he wasn't there. He said he's just staring at him. Howard asked what he's doing. He said the guy is just staring at him. He asked what's going on there after closing the door on fake Obama.
Howard said they may have lost all audio. Robin was there. Howard said he has to apologize to the subscribers.
Fake Obama was there but the door wasn't open so Howard opened the door for him. Fake Obama said he doesn't know what was going on there. He asked if Robin is hiding some Chinese spy balloons under her shirt. Robin chuckled at that.
Howard asked fake Obama what he's doing today for President's day. Obama said he gets together with some former presidents and they swap wives. He had a joke about Laura Bush's name living up to the Bush name.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Trump was there after hearing his name mentioned by Obama. Fake Trump said he was the best president of all time and he was better than this guy. He said he was god. Fake Obama and Trump went at each other with insults for a few minutes.
Howard said he wants to stop the bickering. He asked them to say something to inspire the country. Fake Obama started out nice but then called Trump some names. Trump shot back and the two started trading insults again. Then they were arguing about their penis sizes and Obama said he can suck his own on live radio. Trump said he can do that as well. He said he can reach it. He was straining to try to get down there.
Howard said the video of this is going to make big news today. He said Obama even has his own balls in his mouth. Howard said they have to stop blowing themselves.
Howard asked Trump to say something nice about Obama. Trump said he has a nice voice but not as nice as his. He said he is a little cool. He said all black guys are cool. Howard asked Obama to say something nice about Trump. Obama said 2024 is his cholesterol level. They took more shots at each other before Obama disappeared for a few seconds. He came back and the two went at each other with more insults.
Howard said he had no idea former presidents were so witty. He said they had some real barbs in there. Howard said Trump came up with new names for Nikki Haley and Ron DeSantis. Trump and Obama started in with he insults again. Howard cut them off and said they have proven why the country is so divided. He said it's like two different universes.
Howard cut both of the guys off and let them go. He said he didn't know that would degenerate into such a horrible discussion. He said it was not very civilized.
Howard said now it's time to play. He said they showed Bigfoot a picture of Abraham Lincoln. He asked if Robin thinks he'll be able to name him. Robin said if it's recent she figured he'd be alright but she's not sure about this one. She said that he is on money so she'll say he knows Lincoln. Howard said he'll lock her in on a yes. Howard played the answer and Bigfoot said that he can't think of it but it might be George Washington. Howard said he was close
Howard said Bigfoot wasn't able to get that one. He said they showed him a picture of Barack Obama. He asked Robin if she thinks he'll be able to get that one. Robin said he was in his lifetime. She said that he was black. She said he should be able to get this one. Howard said he agrees with her. Howard played the answer and Bigfoot said he was a colored person... that's ''Arack Obama.'' Howard said that's close enough.
Howard asked about Donald Trump. Robin said he has to be able to get that one. She said he was on TV the most. Howard played Bigfoot's answer and he got it right away. He said he's Trump who cheated on his wife.
Howard played Teddy Roosevelt and Bigfoot said that's Teddy Bear. Howard said he's going to blast through these. He did say Teddy so that's close.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Bigfoot said he knows it all and he has Abraham Clinton who freed the slaves from Egypt.
Howard asked about George Bush. Robin said that he won't get that one. Howard played his answer and Bigfoot said that was George W. Bush.
Howard asked about George Washington. Robin said yes. Howard played the answer and Bigfoot said that's before his time. He said that's Eisenhower.
Howard said they have Joe Biden. Robin said he should know him. Howard played his answer and Bigfoot said that's Joe Biden. Howard said he got that one because they had fake Joe Biden call him.
Howard asked about Thomas Jefferson. He said he may not get this one. Robin said he won't know him at all. Bigfoot did get it though. He said that's Thomas Jefferson. He said he's not sure how he even knows that. He said it just popped into his head.
Howard said whatever medication they have him on must be working. Howard said there you have it. He said that was the Bigfoot President Game. He said now they can move on from that and do a regular show.
Howard said he might put his mother on the show. He said she's single now. Howard answered a knock at the door and Chris Wilding was doing his Blue Iris impression as a senior citizen. She said she has fallen for him and she can't get up. She made some other old person jokes as she talked to Howard.
Howard said they had some friends over for dinner and they were talking about MILF Manor. He said he won't watch that show. He said everyone brought it up and he was talking about how he just can't watch that. He said the premise of the show is that they have older women in it. He said these MILFs in the promos he's seen no one wants to fuck. He said it's women no one wants. He said they didn't get attractive women. He said in porn the MILF is like 31 years old. He said on this show that's not the case. He said the premise is so bizarre. He said that when they open up the show they have hot guys who are all their sons. He said it's the sons dating the other women on the show. He said his mother would have been good on this show. He did his impression of his mother talking about being on the show.
Howard said these moms are just not hot. He said they have to be kooky to be on this show too. He said when they see the sons of the other women on the show they should run. He said it's repulsive to think about his mother fucking his friends. He did his impression of his mother talking about making out with them.
Howard had his mother talking about how his friend Lou is bigger than his father. He had her talking about how she was celibate all these years but Lou has needs so she has to do something with him. Howard said he may have had some desperate mothers when he was growing up. He said he's not sure how they'd find guys to fuck his mother.
Robin asked if he's got no curiosity at all with that show. Howard said not at all. He was still doing his impression of his mother talking about the young men she was going to date. He had her talking about her big bush and how the hairs trap the smell of the woman down there. She said that's why all the men are hot for her. Ray was talking about how she told Howard's friends to part the hairs down there and enter her. Howard said the hair down there is almost down to her knees.
Howard said she can go and fuck all his friends. He said imagine her doing that. Robin said that might take a few hours in therapy. Howard had his mother talking about how she wanted a friendship and everything about her is real. He had her talking about the fake plastic surgery and all of the things that people do. She said she's real. Howard said maybe the way God made you isn't so fun.
Howard said he heard she has hair on her nipples. Ray said she is Au Natural so yes she does. Howard asked about Belly hair. She said she doesn't have that. She said she doesn't even shave her legs because she has light hair down there. She said she has a mole with hair coming out of it though.
Howard had his mother talking about how his friends could smell her bush from a mile away because of her long hair trapping the odor. He had Ray talking about how she wears a bathing cap on that bush so she doesn't get it wet. She said a seagull attacked her down there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said there's an Asian mom on the show and she's in her 50s but she looks like she's in her 30s. He said they asked them to reveal secrets on the show and this woman revealed that she had fucked one of her son's friends. He said they revealed that on the show. Howard said that's not for him. He said it's too much.
Howard had his mother coming on to the caller, Logan, and asking him weird questions. He told him to follow his nose and come on over. Howard had him laughing. Logan was joking about parting the hairs and things like that.
Howard let Logan go and said he's not going to watch MILF Manor. He said that he has to take a break and talk about a bunch of things. He said he has some obituaries to do today. He said he does have to take a break though. He said he's no longer going to wait. He said it's not good to hold it in. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and said that the crowd goes wild when Gwen Stefani comes out during this song. He said they were married at the time they recorded this song. Howard had Robin listen to that part. He said it's kind of sad. Robin said he likes them singing together. He said they made beautiful music together. He said it didn't work out though. He said the moral of the story is don't hire a hot nanny. He said he's shocked when he sees couples doing that. Robin said you're supposed to be able to trust your mate. Howard said when there's a 22 year old running around there you just don't tempt fate. He said hire a nanny who looks like Benjy.
Howard said he woke up singing a song by The Parliaments. He said this was a big hit when he was growing up. He said the song is ''I Just Want to Testify.'' Robin sang what she thought the song was but Howard said that's no tit. He sang it himself and said the guys didn't get it either. He played the song and it was ''I Wanna Testify'' not ''I Just Want to Testify.'' Howard said this was a hit song. He said it was on the urban charts or something. Robin said they didn't have them back then. Howard said they did have something like that. Howard said it was number 3 on the R&B charts. Robin said she doesn't think she ever heard that song.
Howard said he got beaten up to that song many times. He said it was just weird that he woke up singing that song. He said he knows it was playing when he got his pants stolen once.
Howard said he has some sad news to get to. He said he has a promotional thing to read too. Howard said Robin inspired Shart Week and it's the 20th anniversary of her talking about shitting her pants. Robin said get out. Howard said it is the 20th anniversary. He said they'll be celebrating all week on Sternthology on Howard 101. He said they have a bunch of stories they'll be going over in that special. He said this is a reminder. He played a clip of Robin telling the story about shitting her pants out in Los Angeles while running. she said she had an explosion of doody.
Howard said he had a montage of news people saying ''shart.'' It was all accidental ''shart'' comments that they were making.
Howard said tune in all this week for Shart Week. He said help Robin celebrate her 20th anniversary. Robin said she can't believe that she was brave enough to tell him that. Howard said a lot of women don't want to reveal things like that but Robin is such a pioneer. He said she came clean on the air and it was great. Howard said he believes that it was preventable.
Howard said his father never wanted to be around him but he took him to see this movie. He said he was looking at naked Jane Fonda. He said his father took him to see Hair on Broadway and he didn't want his dad looking at naked people. He said the movie was crazy. He said they had Jane Fonda in an orgasm machine. Fred started to play the clip but Howard asked him to stop because it was bringing him back to that time.
Howard said his mother didn't seem to care that he went to see this Barbarella movie. He said he just buried all of his feelings. He said he still does that to this day. He said when you die you must release them all like a big orgasm.
Howard said in the first 5 minutes of Barbarella Jane Fonda is playing with her tits. He said he had never seen anything like this. He asked when the movie came out. Jon Hein said 1968. Howard said he was like 14 then. He said he was sitting there with his dad and seeing this nudity. He said you don't take a 14 year old to see basically porn. Robin said that's something they agree with. Howard said he and his friends would sneak in to see stuff but this was an outrage.
Howard said Cher was his real fantasy. He said she'd some out in those dresses and she had those titties. Robin said it was different when Raquel Welch came out with her. Howard said she had a different look. He said he dumped Cher for Raquel.
Howard said Raquel was 82 years old. He said that her big thing was that she won a Golden Globe Award. He said at the time it was a big deal but now we know it's not that big of a deal. He said it made her feel good though. Robin said she was reading that even during the One Million Years BC she tried to have a conversation with the director and she was told not to think.
Howard said Raquel was born Jo Raquel Tejada. He read some details about some of the things she was noticed for over the years. Howard said she refused to get naked on film. He said Mr. Skin told him that it was the biggest disappointment of his life. Howard said that's a pretty big disappointment. He said he's lived a good life if that's the biggest disappointment. He said that keeping her clothes on made her even sexier.
Howard said she was a mystery guest on the show in 1987. Robin said she remembers a story Gary told her about being in the office with her. She said Gary was in the green room with her and waiting to usher her in as a mystery guest. Robin said she did something very sexy. Howard said it was weirder than that. He said they had booked her for the show and he's not sure how. He said no one would do the show back then. He said she agreed to come on the show but she was a big star and she had a rider for her green room. He said that all of the items would add up to like $100 and their GM Tom didn't want to spring for it. He said Tom would refuse to pay for guests. Howard said they insisted they stock the green room with certain items. He said they were thinking about canceling her because they didn't want to spend $100.
Gary said they had no staff so he went shopping for 3 hours. He said it was organic bananas, apple juice and water that was very specific. He said he laid the whole thing out and she went and picked up a straw and nothing else that was laid out.
Howard asked Gary what she was wearing. Gary said it was a very tight fitting mini dress. He said she had a record out at the time so that's what she was there to promote. He said she walked in and grabbed her boobs and adjusting her bra. He said it was very sexual and the camera man wondered if that was for them or for herself. Howard said maybe she wanted to blow Gary. He said he knows the effect he has on women.
Howard said Robin kind of ruined the whole thing because she recognized her voice and wanted to ruin the whole game. Howard said she was very competitive. Robin just blurted out her name. He played a clip from that day.
Howard said listen to that excitement. He said you'd think she invented a cure for some disease. Robin said she couldn't help herself. She said she just knew.
Howard said he knows Raquel was married to that record guy. He said she had some husband who was a record guy. Gary didn't know who he was talking about. Howard said he might be confusing him with someone else. Howard said the guy kind of looked like him so he was kind of encouraged. He said he had some hope. Jon Hein asked if that's Andre Weinfeld. Howard said that's him. He asked if they can show Robin a picture. Jon said he'll do that. Robin said the guy has a long face. Howard said he does too. He said Robin asked him ''why the long face'' when she first met him.
Howard said a lot of good looking women make bad decisions. He said she was married four times. He said she must have had to pay out alimony. He said Pam Anderson married Tommy Lee after 4 days. He said she could have dated him for a while. He said they could have saved themselves a lot of aggravation.
Howard said Meg probably would have put all of her money on him failing in radio. He said that he has this fantasy of going back in time and going back to WRNW where they worked together and he walks in but he has all his skills that he has now. He said Meg falls in love with him and has sex with him. He said back then there was no way that was happening. He said he didn't have any of the skills he has now. He said he was as bad as they come. He said he has this fantasy of going back and getting her. He said he imagines her coming in the studio and she's blowing him in the middle of a Meatloaf song. He said nothing happened like that. He said you don't hear anything like that happening to him.
Howard said he was watching The Bachelor and his wife was there. He said they had their cats there. He said he ash a big screen TV but Beth wanted to watch it on the small TV with the cats. Howard said he agreed. He said they sit down and the cats didn't spend any time with them. He said Helen didn't care and Pebble was yelling at him the whole time. He said then Beth fell asleep.
Howard said anyway Meg texted him and he had been thinking about her. He said that everyone is dropping like flies. He said that he hears when people die and he thinks about how he got in touch with Ivan Reitman before he died. He said that he has people he should be in touch with. He said he wanted to do that with Meg. He said he has a feeling people don't want to hear from him though. He said Robin is the only one who he stays in contact with. He said that he calls her off the air.
Howard said he was sitting there and he gets an email from Meg. He said she tells him that Richard Belzer had died. Howard said she was offering her condolences to him over his death. Robin said she got an alert to that news too. She said that Laraine Newman had made the announcement. Howard said that was odd too. He said Henry Winkler was his cousin too. He said he never knew that. He said that was so weird. He said he lost touch with Belz over the years too. He said he kept thinking about calling him but he kept putting it off. He said that Belzer would come on and he was very good on the show. He said he was on the show a lot. He said he was most proud of the fact that he'd come on and they'd just riff during the news. He said they loved having him on the show.
Howard said Belzer had made so many appearances. He said he was on a couple of times and Barry Levinson thought that he should play Detective Munch on his show. Howard said Levinson got Belzer to play the part after hearing him on the show. He said that Belzer didn't even have to audition. Robin said that she heard a clip of Belzer talking about reading for the part and other actors were reading it straight and he didn't do that. Howard said he has a different story.
Howard played a clip from an old show where he was talking to Belzer about the role and how he got it.
Howard said Belzer was on at least 57 times but they're not done counting. He said the guy was 78 years old. He said he was talking to Gary about this and if that age is old or young. He said that he was talking to his wife about someone being 81 and his wife said that's still young. Howard said he's getting up there so they're trying to figure it out. Howard said Belz was 78. Robin said she thought he was older than them. Howard said he was. He said that people do die in their 70s. He said that it seems like he was too young to die. He said that is old. He said you debate about it. He said it's party over after that.
Howard read about how Belz got that job as Detective Munch and he played it for 22 years. Robin said he played that longer than James Arness in Gun Smoke. Howard read some details about the character Belzer was playing and how he went from show to show.
Howard read the post that Laraine Newman put out about Belzer. Howard read more about the role that Belzer had and the shows that he appeared on.
Howard went through Belzer's history and played some clips. He had him roasting Chevy Chase and things like that.
Howard said Belzer was the warm up comedian on Saturday Night Live. He said he claims that Lorne Michaels promised him an on air job but he backed out of it. He said he's not sure what Lorne's story is there.
Howard said Belzer had a story about Gilbert Gottfried when he was in the hospital. He said that one of the people that he called was Richard Belzer. He said Belzer showed up when he was visiting Gilbert. He said Belzer came in and asked how he was feeling. He said that Belzer sat down next to him and opened up the newspaper and buried himself in the paper just reading it. He said he didn't pay attention to Gilbert. He said he was just there to be with him. He said they all just sat there. He said it was the funniest thing. He said Belz got up and left. He said it was the greatest thing he ever saw. He said comedians are so dysfunctional. He said it's so great. He said that Belz would ask him to go out and he was so anti-social that he never did it. He said he didn't think he really wanted to go out.
Howard said the other big story with Belz is that he was one of the guys who would say he wanted to leave the country when things got bad. He said he actually did it. He said he went off to France or something. He said that one time Hulk Hogan dropped Belz on his head in a TV show and he sued him and got like $400,000 and bought himself a place in France. He said that he's not sure what the whole story is there but that's what he told them. Howard played a clip where Belz talked about the Hulk Hogan thing.
Howard said that was some story. Robin said she has a friend who was at that show and the audience was sitting there in disbelief. She said blood was pumping out of his head. Howard said the footage was crazy. He said he had forgotten about that.
Howard said Belzer was in Scarface and Fame too. He said he retired from acting a few years ago and he had retired to live with his wife Harlee. He said she was really hot. He said they must have had a good marriage.
Howard said Bill Sheft said that Belz had a lot of health issues. He said that his last words were ''Fuck you mother fucker.'' He said that maybe he was trying to be funny right up to the end.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he wanted to talk about Mr. Belzer. He said he worked at the Las Vegas Hilton and Belzer did stand up there. He said he had a lot of respect for the man. He said he wanted to share his condolences and say it's a loss. He said he's a long time listener and he respects Howard for what he says. Howard thanked him for the call. Howard said that guy sounds like he's dying too. He said they should have asked how he's doing.
Howard said he feels bad for not being in touch with Belz. He said he probably loved France. He said he doesn't think he had any kids.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who asked if he saw that Ryan Seacrest is leaving the Kelly and Ryan show. Howard said he did see that. He said he was doing a lot so he's not surprised he has to back off a bit. He said he has a bunch of jobs and he takes on even more. He said that he took on the Kelly Ripa show. He said that he would read these articles about how long his days were. He said he was flying back and forth to these shows and doing his radio show. He said it was wild. He said he was doing so much that his eyeball popped out of his head. He said it was like he was having a stroke on the air or something. He said it was awesome. Howard said there's nothing cool on live TV but that was cool. He said it was on American Idol that his eyeball popped out. He said the guy was exhausted.
Howard said this guy is a hard worker. He said he was working his ass off. He said that he almost turned into Dick Clark live on the air. Mike said that they used to have Dick counting down from 20 and they had to cut it down from there. Howard did his impression of Dick doing the count down after his stroke.
Howard said Ryan Seacrest leaving the show isn't surprising. He said Kelly is the show. He said that Ryan was kind of their lap dog. He said that he doesn't think he's needed there. He said he's not sure what's going on there with those two. Robin said she did see some excerpts from her book where she talked about how terrible Regis was to her. Howard said he doesn't know. He said Regis lived in his apartment building and he was a very nice guy. He said everyone is nice to him though because they know he's a nut.
Howard said he saw the news that Ryan was leaving the show. He said he has a clip where he announced it. He said it became a love fest after that. He played the clip and the two of them were talking about what great friends they are. Howard said he doesn't believe any of that. He said he can't believe that they're close. Robin said they were supposedly close before he got the job. Howard said if they were that close he doesn't think he'd be leaving. He said he has no evidence of that. Robin said she hopes that he stops working so hard. Howard said fans of bland programming will freak out so he can't stop. He said he's about as good at that as anyone.
Mike asked if he heard that Mark Conseulos is going to be Kelly's co-host. Howard said the two of them are very in love. He said that he's spent time with them. He said Mark married him. He said that they do have a very loving relationship. He said it's probably good that they're doing the show together. He gave them a Beetlejuice ''Goo fo' you.''
Howard took a call from a guy whose phone was fucked up so he bailed on that right away.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he has some things to bring up. He said that today is the anniversary of the fire in Rhode Island where a bunch of people died. He said that was 20 years ago. He said that he wants to talk about Jimmy Carter too. He said his father is his age. He said he's 98. He said that Carter was the first president he ever voted for. He said they got to meet him about 6 years ago. He said he would preach at his Baptist church. Howard cut him off and said he was going to say that he's kind of a downer. He said he's going from tragedy to tragedy. Howard asked the caller how many babies died in Turkey. The caller, Gary, said he thought Jimmy Carter always meant well. He said that he did Habitat for Humanity and things like that.
Howard said the thing is that Carter ran against Gerald Ford. He said he thinks he voted for Carter but Ford was a good guy. He said he made a mistake. He said Ford was not a good President. He said that the country did not do well with him. Howard said Carter just didn't have it. He said the thing is that since his presidency the guy has been amazing. He said he would to go places and help out when countries were having problems. He said the guy was an inspiration. He said he would help out with Habitat for Humanity and things. He said it's unbelievable what the guy was doing. He said he was a shitty president. He said the guy took his fame and did something good with it. He said there is no better human being than Jimmy Carter. He said he knows what it was like for his own father having hospice care at home. He said his dad died in hospice care. He said that Carter is probably going too.
Howard said he has friends who come over and they sit down and play a game. He said they write down about 50 questions. He said it's based on the news. He said they get together a year later and see who was right and wrong. He said they ask who is going to die this year. He said this person put down that Jimmy Carter will die. He said he hopes that he makes a recovery and he comes back so this guy doesn't win. Howard said he'll tell you something else. He said his mom made a full recovery after being in hospice. He said that she's doing okay now. He said she just had long COVID.
Howard said he had to talk his mom down the other day. He said she was afraid to take a shower. He said the last time she showered the water was turned off and she had shampoo stuck in her hair. He said she was cold and wet.
Howard said old age is a mother fucker. He said that he has been in the shower where the water is just cold. He said with his mom everything is an issue. He said that she gets on with him and talks about these horrible things that happen to her. He said it's usually things like the water turning off. He said that taking a shower is like going to the moon for her. He said it's easier for her to go to the moon.
Howard said he finally figured out what search terms to put in to get the porn he wants to see. He said the word ''seduce'' or ''reluctant'' is what he has to search for. Robin said she told him to search for reluctant. Howard said he went on PornHub and searched for that stuff and a lot came up. He said it was a good search term. He said he found a few good videos. He said he found this really good one where this woman is threatening to fire her assistant if she didn't have sex with her. He said it was fantastic.
JD said if you typed in reluctant in YouPorn you get a warning. He read what it could include. Howard said this is professional porn. He said it's obviously consenting adults in the porn. He said it's not real.
Howard said they're really bad actors too so its not believable. He said even porn is politically correct now. He said Robin is making him look bad. He said he'll stick to ''seduced'' instead.
Howard said he was talking about Machine Gun Kelly. He said that he's too old to be searching for this guitar player. He said her name is Sophie Lloyd. He said she's hot and she's a good guitar player. He said that he's impressed that she got into guitar and she's so good. He said she apparently joined his band last year. He said he's pretty sure that Machine Gun Kelly can get a lot of chicks. Robin said he is hot. She said that Megan has made him even hotter.
Howard read some details from Sophie's website where they talk about how much time she put into learning guitar. He said she's pretty awesome. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he's just waiting to get to the chorus of this song. It came a few seconds later. Howard said that's beautiful. He went through what the song was about.
Howard said he has Vic Lagina on the phone. He picked up and asked what's up. Vic said that he was asking about he reluctant porn thing being a no-no these days. He said there was an article out a few years ago about videos that were out that weren't actually consensual so they did a big purge of that kind of thing and that's why they have the disclaimer. Howard said that's interesting. He said he likes that whole angle when he sees it. Vic said they used to shoot stuff like that when he was directing.
Howard asked Vic what the weirdest thing was that he had to shoot. Vic said it got weird toward the end. He said there were bizarre requests going on. He said they have the squirting and shenanigans going on. He said they would ask them to shoot that stuff. He said the oldest thing was when they had this guy banging a 55 year old looking body builder woman who was like 4 and a half feet tall. H said that's when he knew he had taken some wrong turns in his life.
Howard said he doesn't' like the squirt porn. He said it's just peeing. He asked how you shoot that. Vic said there's a lot of hydration involved in that. He said the girls would drink Pedialyte. He said the gushers were coming out of the urethra. He said there were times when it was definitely urine. He said the room would smell like a subway after they were done shooting.
Howard asked how often doody would come out during a shoot. Vic said it depends on how well the women cleaned out. He said some of the women had their systems to make sure nothing would come out. He said there was a lot of prep involved.
Howard asked what the clean up is like. He asked if they have a crew. Vic said that they would clean up themselves usually.
Howard asked if he has ever seen someone who was an actual good actor that he didn't think belonged in porn. Vic said there were some and he could probably count them on two hands.
Howard asked how many times someone has had their balls smell or a woman smells bad. Robin said he's got a lot of questions. Howard said he has to know and he has this guy on the phone. Vic said there have been times that his sound stage has smelled really bad. He said that they had this boy girl team and it was bad. He said that this woman said that she could smell it on her clothes when she got home and unpacked. He said that you do wonder how they don't smell it on themselves. Howard said it does happen. He said you know when you smell. Robin said not everyone's nostrils work the same way. She said some people can't smell that well. Howard let Vic go a short time later.
Howard asked how long he was going down on her. Ronnie said he was doing it for maybe 20 minutes this last time. Howard said that's a long time. He said his tongue must get tired. Ronnie said it does. He said that flap under his tongue gets store. He said that it gets kind of numb.
Howard said he must be good at sex. Robin asked if he keeps going when she's cumming. Ronnie said he does. He said that he works on her and she cums in his mouth. Howard said he's way more into sex than he is. Ronnie said it's fucking awesome. He said he never timed it but he thinks it's about 20 minutes. Howard asked if he drinks that stuff that comes out. Ronnie said he doesn't drink it. He said it runs out on the towel and he might get some in his mouth. He said it's a combination of your saliva too. He said if you're down there that long then saliva is coming out of your mouth.
Howard answered a knock at the door and Fake Obama was asking how he can get his wife to blow her load. Ronnie gave him some advice.
Howard asked Ronnie why he said he's starting to believe that squirting is pee. Ronnie said some girls can shoot a little bit. He said that the squirt videos are like a waterfall. He said it's different when they have actual cum. Howard asked how many days a week he goes down on Stephanie. Ronnie said maybe two times on Friday and Saturday. He said during the week it's quick stuff. He said they don't do as much. He said he'll go down there real quick and get her worked up and he's in. Howard said good for you. He asked if he ever just bends her over the table. Ronnie said back in the beginning they would do that. He said there was all kinds of crazy shit going on. He said not so much now.
Howard said Ronnie is getting the job done. He played a song parody about Ronnie and his love of squirting.
Howard said that song is a little repetitive. Ronnie said there is squirting that's not pee. He said a girl cums hard and it shoots out. Howard said he'd never know. He said that he's never seen that. He said that he has tons of things to do and he has no time to lick her for 20 minutes.
Ronnie said the other night he took a couple of hits of weed and he didn't drink or anything. He said it was like a total aphrodisiac. He said that it got him worked up like insane. Howard asked what happened. Ronnie said they were just doing it. He said she was really tired from being out at this CPR class all day. Howard said she almost had to give him CPR. Ronnie said his heart was pumping. He said he put her hand on his heart to feel it.
Howard said the last time he did weed he was on vacation somewhere. He said he was on one of those islands like Anguilla or something. He said that someone had some weed and he smoked it and according to Beth it was the best sex he'd ever given her. He said that he has no memory of that but she said that he sat on the balcony all night too. He said she said it was nuts. Ronnie said he remembers it all so that's the good part.
Howard said he thinks what happened is that he took too much and some other guy had sex with her. He said that probably wasn't him.
Ronnie said he smoked some shit he had out in California. He said that he got the same stuff that he got out there. He said this guy gives him the shit and he sticks with it. He said it has the same effect every time and it's awesome.
Howard said he's been with women and smoked because he wasn't that into it and that can help you get through it.
Ronnie said these places can tell you what you should buy based on your needs. Robin said they do have stuff for specific things. Howard said it's all bullshit. Ronnie said that's true but Howard said it's bullshit. Howard said it's just a bunch of pot heads trying to get you worked up.
Howard asked Fred what was going on with the song. Fred said that he wrote this song a long time ago. He said it was something he just threw out there. He said he put a new verse in there about this Ukraine war.
Howard played the song that Bobo was talking about and it was called ''Just Stop Somewhere'' not ''Russia'' like Bobo said.
Howard said he needs him in this song. He said Fred is good though. He said he doesn't need to be in their band. Robin asked if Howard hears this and wants to record it. Howard said Fred should record his own song. He said he doesn't need him.
Fred said he might start a band with Robin. Howard said nothing would please him more. Fred said he put together a song for her and they can do that. He said it doesn't require great singing. Howard said nothing lights a fire under Fred's ass like firing him.
Bobo was starting to talk about how he did what Ronnie did with his funeral and he bought a crypt for himself years ago. Howard hung up on him in the middle of that story.
Howard said some people wrote in about Marc Maron being on the show last week. Howard said some fans think Robin really likes Marc because she was giggling a lot. Robin said he is a funny man so that might be why she was giggling so much.
Howard said actor Patrick Warburton made an interesting statement about Marc on the show. He said that he sounds like an intelligent Ronnie Mund. Howard said the guys put together a montage of Ronnie and Marc Maron clips. He played the clip and they did make some statements that sounded similar. Howard said that's really weird. He said thanks to Patrick for picking up on that.
Howard said the fans wrote in about his band and the song they put out last week. He read about Tuchus and their song. He had a bunch of comments about the song and played some of the song. He said a lot of people really like it.
Howard said Jon Leiberman spoke to the artist who did the album cover for the band. Howard played a clip from that interview.
Howard said this guy put a lot of thought into it. Robin said she did see a monster in that image. Howard said a lot of people have said his Tuchus looks like a monster and they were right.
Howard said some fans wrote in about his other songs that he's put out over the years. He said someone was asking for them to play Hurdy Gurdy man up on Saturday Soundtracks. Howard said the fans seemed to like his Tom Brady song too. He read some feedback about that. Howard played some of the song about Tom Brady and how he's wondering who he's fucking. Howard played some of his version of Hurdy Gurdy Man and the songs he did as a kid like Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes.
Howard said they talked about that Alix Earle last week and they got more calls about her than anything else in the history of the show. He read some of the feedback they got about her.
Howard said the guys pulled some audio of Alix talking about what's hard for her in class. He played the montage of things she was talking about. Howard said he likes her delivery. He said she's so calm.
Howard said he remembers going to college and he didn't have any money to go to Mardi Gras. He said he's not sure how these kids can go to college and go to the Super bowl and Mardi Gras. JD said she was going all over the country last week.
Howard asked if JD digs her. JD said she is very hot but they have two totally different lives. Howard said they're both influencers. JD said he's not influencing like she is. Howard said she has been all over the world in the past couple of months. Robin said they went nowhere and she's going all over. Howard said he was worried about flunking out. Robin said they used to have to pool money together for pizza.
Howard played more clips of Alix talking about things she's done. She was rambling on and on about all of these things.
Howard said she's busier than Ryan Seacrest. He asked how she gets into a suite at the Super Bowl. He said he knows, because she's hot. JD said she posts a couple of videos a day. He said she's on it every day.
Howard said it sounds like the best day of his life is just a normal Tuesday for her. JD said she has lived lifetimes in months. Robin said then their looks change and it all dries up. She said she has a few years left ahead of her though. Howard asked if she has a boyfriend. JD said he thinks she's' single right now but Jon Hein might know more. Howard asked if she ever talks about her sex life. JD said she doesn't get into that.
Howard said JD is on TikTok. He said he has to get on there. JD said you can still see her without being on there. He said he can't get too into this Alix Earle too much. Howard said we have so much porn available and we still get into this girl. He asked what that is. JD said he thinks that we're fascinated with the lives of young people who have completely different lives than we had. Howard said he doesn't like when he says ''we'' because it sounds very loser-ish. JD said he's not even that into them but they are very attractive.
Howard said this is Alix talking about how she gets free stuff wherever she goes. He played a clip of Alix talking about the free stuff that people give her. She said someone thought it was her birthday so they gave her a free bottle of tequila.
Howard said maybe he'll get her on the show. He said he thinks she's fascinating. He said she has a lot of followers. He said that he's interested to find out how she's pulling it off.
Howard said they got a lot of feedback about Jeff the Vomit guy. He read through some fo that. The fans were not thrilled with hearing about Jeff. Howard had a clip of Jeff talking about early vomit experiences when he was young. He said he got turned on by it very early on.
Howard said he also talked about wanting to be a vomit coach or something like that. He said he'd like to be able to feel like he's aiding in the vomiting. Howard asked if that's a profession. Robin said no because it usually just comes right up.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked how you date a girl like Alix Earle. He said she's ruined in that respect that you can't impress her. Howard said he's right. He said you can't impress her. He said that he can't do anything for her that she can't do for herself. He said she must be hard to get. Ralph said he's not sure what you can do. He said she could get on Elon Musk's rocket.
Howard said it says here that Alix was 13 years old when her dad got engaged to Ashlee Dupre. Gary said that's the girl they set JD up on a date with. Howard said this is a tough chick to get. He said you can't catch her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this girl's father owns a asphalt and construction company so they have big money. He said they're worth millions. Howard said he's right.
Howard said what they didn't talk about during the Super Bowl is that the players were sliding all over the grass. He said the NFL has a big problem. He said they have these guys out there are all getting injured. He said they have short careers because of the injuries. He said that he's not sure what the surface was but they were sliding all over. He said they were all falling down. Robin said they all had to change their shoes in the middle of the game. Howard said someone said they fucked up the field by painting it for Rihanna's show. Robin said everything was painted in the middle of the field. She said it wasn't the Rihanna show. Howard said it was a big problem whatever it was.
Howard let Ralph go and said he gets sad for these guys. He said the average career is only 3 and a half years in the NFL. He said he knows that they know what they're signing up for but come on. He said they're just beating their bodies up. He said it's weird.
Howard said the fans wrote in about Richard's pube beard. He went through some of that feedback. Robin said it sounds like a song they could write. Howard said they have some pube face aftermath audio. He played the clip and Richard was spitting and said he should have shaved. The pubes were getting stuck in his real hair. He was still spitting. He had some pubes on his nose. Howard said he had it all over the place. They had Richard rinsing out his mouth and spitting pubes out. Howard said this is gross. He said one of the pubes fell out later that night and one was found the next day at his work desk.
Howard said Richard's dad is great. He had some audio of him leaving a message for Richard about the Super Bowl and how rough it was on him. He said it was something else. He said at least the Chiefs won.
Howard said he didn't understand half of that but so what. He said at least his dad calls him. He said Richard told his dad what happened with the pubes. He said he doesn't seem phased by it at all. Howard played a clip of Richard telling his dad the story. Mr. Christy sounded grossed out but he didn't seem that upset about it.
Howard did his impression of Mr. Christy and Richard talking. Howard said he loves that guy's attitude. He said he's very non-judgmental. He said he seems like the perfect dad. He said he doesn't seem to make any judgments about him at all. Robin said he did run around the yard crapping when he was younger. She said that he might have ended up like Richard if he had a dad like that. Howard said he has no explanation but he likes the idea of Richard's dad.
Howard said he has no idea who his dad was into. He said he can't just say ''Go Chiefs'' like Richard and his dad did. He said his dad would tell him to just Go Away. He said he loves how Richard's dad talks to him. He said it's so calm and sweet.
Howard said he wishes his dad was like that. He said his dad would have told him to go fuck himself if he told him ''Go Chiefs.''
Howard played a clip fo a sports show there at Sirius talking about Richard's pube beard.
Howard said he mentioned this Rihanna and her husband A$AP Rocky. He said that he knows how to say the name ASAP but some news reporters had some issues with saying it. He played a montage of people messing up his name.
Howard said he had a weird Rihanna moment and he was trying to sing the Umbrella song and he went into the Eagles Hotel California song. He said it was a mash up that he was doing. He said he was wondering if it was the same song. He said the guys assured him there's nothing there. He said they tried to mash it up and it's not even close. He played what the guys put together and said he's still hearing it. Robin said she doesn't know about that. Howard said that's the show for today. He said he should have ended the show 45 minutes ago. He said he can't stop gabbing though. He said they hit a lot of topics today. Robin said they did talk about a lot.
Howard said don't forget about it being Shart Week on Howard 101. He said they have Pink coming in on Wednesday. He said that's it for today. They were done around 10:40am.
Howard said he just wanted to say a couple of words about Bruce Willis. He said he doesn't know the guy other than through his movies. He said he wasn't a fan of that show Moonlighting. He said he thinks the first movie he saw was Die Hard. He said then he did the M. Night Shyamalan movie Unbreakable. He said that was a great performance. He said the Die Hard movies were great and you just loved the guy from that.
Howard said Bruce married Demi Moore and she was one of the hottest chicks in Hollywood. He said you kind of admired the movies he was in. He said he's always been around. He said yesterday they talked about Belzer dying. He said it's getting depressing. He said Bruce Willis has dementia of some sort. He said it can start when you're just 40 years old. He said it happens to people when you're young. He said they say that he may have started when he was 50. He said now he's 67 and they say that he's completely out of it now. He said they say that this is so fucked up that you could go over to a washing machine and not have any idea how much soap to put in there. He said you end up putting the whole bottle in there. He said then you forget you washed the clothes and do it over again.
Howard said he was thinking about who this guy was in their lives and now he's got people wiping his ass and stuff. He said it's just depressing. He said he feels bad for the guy. Robin said you never know if it's going to happen to you. She said you don't know how you want to go out. Howard said no one is choosing that way. He said he thinks eventually it kills you but he's not even sure how.
Robin said there are a lot of things that happen. She said you become less mobile. Robin's alarm went off so Howard asked wheat's going on there. Robin said she had an alarm that went off earlier. She said she has a lot of alarms for the first 3 days of the week and then other alarms. Howard said he'd do anything to have a camera in her house to see what she's up to. Robin said it would bore him to death. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said the other day she was making her own yogurt. He said he'd love to see her doing that. He said he thinks it wouldn't be boring at all. He said if you let him in there he'll make her a lot of money. He said just Robin and her alarms. They had some big voice announcer introducing Robin clips that they were playing.
Robin said she was saying that this dementia thing kills you because you stop doing human things. She said you stop moving around. She said that you stop taking the proper intake of fluids. She said you forget to drink water. She said that's how it kills you. Howard said poor Bruce Willis.
Howard said he went to the doctor and they asked if he wanted to take an early dementia test. He said no way. Robin wondered why they asked. Howard said he's old. He said he's old enough that they offer it to him. He said Dr. Agus is going to come in soon and he has a new book out (The Book of Animal Secrets: Nature's Lessons for a Long and Happy Life). He said he says that someone in the world gets dementia every 3 seconds. He said that's because the general population is aging. He said it's fucking crazy. He said that reminds him of this book he was obsessed with called Flowers For Algernon. He said that it's a kid who was mentally disabled. He was slow. He said really slow. Slower than Wendy. He said they came up with a drug to make him really smart and he has this great life after that. He said then the drug starts wearing off. He said that's like life. He said you become a person who is worldly and Bruce Willis did that. He said he had all of this stuff in his life and now it's all slipping away. He said it's all for nothing.
Howard said it was hard to watch Charlie lose it in Flowers for Algernon. He said he falls in love with the hottest chick and she ends up watching Charlie in a swing like a little kid again.
Howard said Bruce Willis seems to have had a good sense of humor. He said he got roasted and he seemed to enjoy it. He said they said shit to him that no man should have to endure. Robin said she was a big Bruce Willis fan. Howard said he was too. He said he loved Die Hard. He said the first one was really great. He said the whole series was good. Robin said he was great in Pulp Fiction and in Blind Date too. Robin said Kim Bassinger was in that. Howard said that was a great movie.
Howard said all of that life and then he ends up in their Wack Pack in the end. He said it's crazy.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that this is really upsetting news. He said that they are pointing out some of the stuff that was going on with him. Howard said Jack Nicholson made the decision to leave the business because he wants to be the guy people remember from years ago. He said that he wants the legend to live on.
Howard said he has to sit his wife and kids down to hide him away if this happens to him. Robin said there are people who made real messes of themselves in public. Howard said he doesn't want that. Howard said no one was watching out for Brian Wilson in the end.
Ralph said there was a time when Bruce Willis showed up dressed as an airline pilot and he had like six hot chicks with him. He said he used to see him out. He said he was crazy and fun. Howard said that's why he was feeling sad this morning. Robins said she felt weird not mentioning it. Howard said Bruce was in 11 movies last year and he has another one coming out this year. Robin said he's all over the streaming services.
Ralph said there was a great one where he was a cop bringing someone on a bus. He said he's not sure what it's called. Howard said he has to go. He said Ralph forgets he's on radio and tries to give you the plot and can't do it. He said this is supposed to be interesting.
Howard said he was thinking about this and Belz dying. Robin said there are people you don't see anymore like Gene Hackman. SHE said that he would put out a movie every year and he was always good even if the movie wasn't. She said he decided not to act anymore. She said he's a novelist now. She said she's not sure if they're any good but he's still holding on.
Robin said her dad had Alzheimer's and her mom had all of her marbles so she's not sure what will happen to her. Howard said his father was with it most of the time but then he had strokes. He said he's not sure if he had dementia but he sure seemed like he did. Howard said he spent time with his mom last night and he was trying to get her to go to his daughter's wedding. He said he was telling her to come with him and she can stay for a half hour and leave. He said she said she has to get a dress but he's just going to put her in a wheelchair and put blankets on her.
Howard said he thinks he's the life of the party in his family. He said his mother just doesn't want to go. He said he told her she'd have a good time but he can't figure out what her problem is. He said she does everything to stay alive but then she says she's ready to go. He said he doesn't believe what she says.
Howard said he had to get out of his house when he turned 18. He said he never looked back when he did leave. He said that his parents gave him a hard time about everything. He went into his impressions of his parents talking to him about what he was going to do with his life and things like that.
Howard said he went out and found a job and he was doing accounting. He said he just wanted somewhere to go. He said he had to get out of the house and get his own apartment. He said it all worked out but he just didn't want to be at home. He said he couldn't take it. He said he had to get out.
Robin said she had to get out too. She said she just wanted freedom. Howard said his dad wasn't putting his finger in him but he did get yelled at a lot. He said that he had to get out too.
Howard took a call from a guy, Jeffrey, who said he was a Green Beret and he got blown up in 2009. He said he had dementia issues when he was recovering. He said he forgot his kids and people he knew. He said it was terrifying. He said that he didn't know where he was going and it was scary. Howard said imagine being a Green Beret and you're strong and you get blown up. He asked where he was serving. Jeffrey said that he was in Afghanistan and he was finding bombs with dogs. He said the truck he was on got hit with RPGs and he landed on his head when the truck blew up.
Howard asked if the dementia was temporary. Jeffrey said that he got it when he was home. He said that he ended up putting his uniform on and went to the grocery store and sat there for 8 hours. He said that he didn't know what he was doing or where he was going. He said his brain was betraying him. Howard asked if he was wearing his helmet when he got blown up. Jeffrey said he was not at the time. He said they had just changed a tire so he didn't have it on.
Howard asked how old he was when he became a Green Beret. Jeffrey said he was 27. He said he was a ranger first. Howard said he must be one tough mother fucker. Jeffrey said he's really not. Howard asked what kind of gun he carried. Jeffrey said he carried an M4 and others. He said that there were a few that he carried. Howard asked how fast he was able to disassemble a gun and put it back together. He said he could do it in 2 minutes. Howard asked if he ever did it blind folded. Jeffrey said he never did that. He said that's just movie stuff. He asked who would do something like that with a gun blind folded.
Jeffrey said that Bruce Willis wanted to join the military but he was too old at the time. He said that he really admired the military.
Howard asked if they took martial arts and stuff. Jeffrey said that they do have some of that training. He said anyone can get beat up even if they're the biggest guy in the military. He said you should pick a person you think you can beat up. He said he had a guy who tried choking him to death once. He said that he was about twice his size. He said that was scary. Howard asked how he got the guy off of him. Jeffrey said some of his buddies saw what was going on and they ''relinquished the threat.'' Howard asked if they shot him in the head. Jeffrey said that's one way to do it.
Howard asked if you can get laid in the middle east. Jeffrey said he was married but if your wife isn't with you then you can get laid. He said that there were people over there that would do that stuff.
Howard asked what this guy is doing now. Jeffrey said he works for an IT company and he makes a lot more than he was making as a grunt. He said he's recovered pretty well but he still has some issues here and there. He said he went from not being able to speak to getting a master's degree. Howard asked how he recovered. Jeffrey said they figured out a way to treat you a certain way and they figured that you have to start in the first 21 days so he got put in a good program. He said he thinks he learns faster now than he did back then. He said that they do occupational therapy and things like that. He told Howard some of the things they have you do in those therapy sessions.
Howard asked if Jeffrey what kind of money he was making in the military. Jeffrey said he had a few things that he was getting pay for. He said that their jobs are dangerous so they get hazard pay. He said that when he was deployed he was making about 90,000 a year and non-deployed it was about 60,000.
Howard asked how the food was in the military. Jeffrey said it wasn't that great. Howard said his dad thought it was great because he came from nothing and didn't know what a good meal was.
Howard asked if you beat off in the military. Jeffrey said that you can. He said you can do it in the bathroom. He said he had his own room. He said he had a guy walk in on him one morning. He said that guy was more embarrassed than he was. He said he was mid activity when it happened. He said he wasn't embarrassed. He said you joke about that stuff because it makes it easier to deal with. Howard asked what the guy said. Jeffrey said he moaned and turned around. He said he tried talking to him and saying that he likes when he visits him in his room.
Howard asked if it upsets him that Afghanistan is being run by the Taliban now. Jeffrey said it is upsetting. He said he's stayed in contact with people over there. He said they had interpreters there that he dealt with. He said he's not happy with the way they left.
Howard said he's hearing that the Taliban is upset because they have to run things now and they have to have office jobs. He said it used to be fun for them to run the Taliban but now they have to run things and they're miserable. Jeffrey said it's the same thing going on here. He said the guys have to move on with their lives and get jobs here. He said they think they can kick in doors their whole life but that doesn't happen. He said they have to move out and they can't let go of it. He said they can't take a job at a desk and it's really hard for them. He said you almost wish that you died in combat. He said all you know is being in combat and then you're behind a desk.
Howard asked why not stay in the military and train people. He said it seems like something you should be able to do. Jeffrey said that he was doing stuff like that after he got out but he didn't want to be the guy who hung around too long. He said they end up laughing at you. Howard said this guy did it right.
Howard read a quote from someone in the Taliban and how it's making them insane running the country. He said this guy was talking about the freedom they used to have and now they have to go to the office and work office jobs. Jeffrey said he predicts in 10 years they'll be back to doing their thing and they'll be horrible for the world again.
Howard said these guys used to rape and pillage but now they're standing around the water cooler talking about Seinfeld episodes.
Howard and Jeffrey talked about what that must be like for them going to the office now. Howard said maybe that's the ultimate payback.
Howard said he's glad that Jeffrey didn't lose his mind. Jeffrey said he did but he got it back. Howard asked about his weight and height and found out he's not that big. Jeffrey said you don't need to be big to be a Green Beret. He said that he was odd for his size. He said he did a lot of cool shit though. He said that he wouldn't trade it for anything. He said that he got to be a bad ass and his family is proud of him. He said that he just wishes that there were more Taliban that had to work under women in the office.
Howard said he lost his memory for about a month when he fell on his head in Vietnam. He made up a story about that. He said he has to make sure Robin is under his spell. He went into one of his fake 'nam stories.
Howard asked if it's hard to talk about killing people. Jeffrey said he did what he had to but he doesn't believe that he should get into too many details. He said he does think that you should talk about it to get it out.
Howard asked Jeffrey to listen to this story. He made up this story about this guy who was attacking him and how he strangled the guy with his own large intestine. He asked what the best story Jeffrey has is. Jeffrey said he was on top of a vehicle and this guy shot his AK-47 at him and he missed completely. He said the guy wondered how he missed him and then he shot the guy in the face. Howard asked how he could have missed him completely. Jeffrey said the guy missed every round. Jeffrey said he has no regrets about anything. He said that they were there to kill him and he had to be prepared to kill someone.
Howard made up another story about taking a guy's head off and making the guy suck his own dick. He said one time he wore a skin of a guy he killed and he went into a village and they didn't know it was him because he looked like that guy. Jeffrey said he deserves a gold star for that.
Howard made up another story about hanging a guy by his penis like a pinata. He said they all took turns bashing the guy open. Jeff asked what came out. Howard said it was candy of course.
Jeff said this almost sounds criminal if you ask him. Howard said he was never in special forces but one time he killed a guy and he brought him back to his family and they were kind of moved by it. He said he had stuffed him with grenades and they didn't know it so he blew up the whole family. Jeffrey said that's the worst thing he's ever heard in his life.
Howard said he'll let Jeffrey get to work. He said he appreciates what he did. He let him go a short time later. Howard said that was Jeff. Robin said she had a conversation with a guy a while back and he told her about guys like him who have great attitudes and they make great workers. Howard said they really do. He said he told Jennifer Witz the stories he has and that's why he's such a great worker. He said he doesn't usually like to talk about it but when he has another military guy on the phone he will.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was a guy whose tongue he had cut out. The guys were playing Asian Pete clips. Howard had a conversation with the clips for a minute.
Howard said he uses that guy's tongue as a bookmark now. He said he's not proud of everything he did but it was a difficult time in their history. He said he did what he had to do. Howard said what a soldier he was. He said no one fucked with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that up in Canada they play a lot of hockey. He said they get head injures up there. He said he was on his way to the NHL and one day he drove 10 hours from home and ended up not knowing how to get back because of his brain injuries. He said he was 22 at the time and years ago they didn't have the protocol they do now about getting knocked out. He said you were expected to get back on the ice. He said he had maybe 8-10 concussions.
The caller was telling Howard about how he didn't make it into the NHL but his buddy did. He said that he drove 10 hours away and he didn't know where he was. He said his parents had to do a wellness check and a missing person report. He said that he didn't get that contract but that's fine. Howard asked if it's really okay or is he just saying that. The caller said it took like a year to rehab from that. He said he ended up starting his own business after that and he's doing well. He said he's 48 now and he noticed recently that he's starting to forget names.
Howard said he and Robin don't remember names either. He said he's sorry to hear that. He said he must be missing some teeth too. The caller said he owns a dental company. He said that he never lost a tooth when he was playing though. Howard asked if he regrets playing hockey. The caller said he does kind of regret it but it did make his father proud. He said there was pressure there to play. He said he just wanted to make him proud.
Howard said he played professional hockey too. He said he doesn't want to talk about that though. He thanked the caller, Duncan, for sharing his story. He said this is getting depressing talking about dementia.
Howard took a call from one of the guys doing an impression of Duncan talking about his hockey issues. Howard said alright an hung up on him. He said there are a lot of horror stories out there.
Howard said he has instructed his family to keep him out of the spotlight if this happens to him. He said he doesn't like to brag but he played hockey when he was in Vietnam. He said he was like the Wayne Gretsky of Vietnam.
Howard said he has to take a break but he has to mention the Shart Week special they have this week on Howard 101. He said tomorrow they have Pink coming in. He said she'll be there to sing a little bit. He said they'll talk to her and find out what she's been up to. Howard played a Shart Week stinger that was about 2 seconds long. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said this is a good song. He said this was the first Foo Fighters song that Dave Grohl recorded. He said he likes to be an expert in that stuff. He said he likes the line ''Fingernails are good.'' Robin said she doesn't like the line about visitors being good. Howard said she's right about that. He said that guy Sebastian Maniscalco has a bit about company coming over and how fun it used to be but now you hear a knock on the door and no one moves.
Howard said he was reading about the Radiohead song ''Creep'' is celebrating its 30th anniversary. He said this is one of the best rock songs ever. He said this guy Thom Yorke wrote the song in college. He said that it was their highest chart topper. He said he thinks it's the guitar riff that did it. He said the great thing about it is that it almost didn't get released. He had the song playing and said it's that guitar riff that kills him.
Howard had some audio of the producers of the song talking about how the song ended up being released. They were talking about how there was only one take for that song.
Howard said they were talking about this Scott Walker guy and how they thought the song was a cover. They didn't know it was an original. Howard said Thom did re-record his vocals. He played another clip where the guys were talking about that.
Howard played some of the song as they were talking about certain lyrics in the song. Howard said sometimes the best songs come about because no one thinks they're anything. He said some people think the guitar riff was a mistake but that was always part of the arrangement. Howard played some of the raw audio of that part of the song.
Howard said he wishes he could do that. He said that must feel unbelievable to hit that chord afterward. He said that he loves that part of the song.
Howard said Gary's coughing and clearing of the throat fits perfectly in that part of the song. He played what the guys had edited into the song. Howard said he never would have thought to do that with Gary. He said he should do that with his band Tuchus. He said he's Phlegmmy Hendrix.
Howard said Radiohead aren't the only song writers credited with the song. He said they used part of a Hollies song in it so they got sued and they had to credit them with the writing. Howard said he doesn't hear the rip off there. Robin said she doesn't either.
Howard said the band stopped playing the song in concert and they just got back to it in 2021. He said they call the song the same name but they have a complete remix they do now. He played some of that. Howard said they must hate the song. Robin said it's so great though. Howard said they wrote a song called My Iron Lung about how much they hated the song. He said that it's crazy how they don't like the song. He said the song is so great though.
Howard said a lot of people have covered the song. He played a montage of people covering it. He didn't have a list of the names of the bands and performers doing it. They had a lot in that montage.
Howard said Macy Gray did the song on their show. He played some of that. He said she didn't have that guitar riff in it though. Howard said she's great.
Howard said that's the 30th anniversary of the song ''Creep.'' Robin said it's been haunting the band for 30 years. Howard said Macy Gray had a big song. He asked Fred what that was. Fred went looking for it. Howard said it must suck to have a huge song and then not be able to follow it up. Fred played the song ''I Try'' for Howard. Howard said what an unusual voice.
Howard asked Fred how he's doing. Fred said he has a dog that has cancer and he may be checking out soon. He said the other dog is shitting all the time and he has to take him to the vet today. He said he's not getting better. Howard said this is why he doesn't talk to Fred much. He said he can bring the show down.
Fred asked Robin if she got the song that he sent over. Robin said she did and she liked it. Fred said Robin is very easy to work with. Howard said just wait until they're in the studio together. Fred said he thinks this is going to be big. Robin said they are going to work together and put this song together. Fred said that he's going to have Gary call Taylor Swift if this doesn't work out. He said he had another thought this morning. He said his dog was taking a shit on the sidewalk and he was thinking about this song. He asked if Robin can hear it as Ronnie's wedding song. Robin said absolutely.
Howard asked if they think that Ronnie will say one of his famous poems at his wedding and will he cry. He said some of the guys think he could cry.
Howard said he was thinking about Ronnie getting married in Las Vegas. He said it doesn't' make sense. He said his whole family is in New York. He said if he wanted warm weather then go to Florida. He said it's not a bad flight to Florida. He said Vegas has nothing that great.
Howard asked Ronnie who the governor of the state is out there. Ronnie said it's Joe Lombardo. Howard asked what he knows about that state. Ronnie said he loves it out there. He said he's not sure why he's so upset. Howard said he's not but someone put a thought in his head that it was a great place to go. Howard asked what the capital of the state is. Ronnie didn't know. Howard asked if he knows what Las Vegas means in Spanish. Ronnie said no.
Howard asked if Ronnie thinks he'll cry at his wedding. Ronnie said he has no idea. He said that he may not even do vows. He said that he may have to. He said Stephanie knows that he doesn't want to do that. Howard made up some vows that he could use and they included Stephanie's pussy being wet. Fred did his Ronnie puppet voice and had some lines for him too.
Howard read through some of the feedback they got about their Richard Belzer talk. Howard said they also talked about Raquel Welch. Ronnie said he can't tell you how many times he jerked off to her. He said just look at her body. He said back then that's all you needed. Howard said she didn't show much. He said it was hard to watch TV and jerk off. He said he used to do that to Gilligan's Island. He said it was like a military operation for him.
Howard said there's more stuff the guys looked up that Robin could do with her body when she dies. He said that they said there's this extreme embalming thing they do. He said there's also a giant biodegradable egg that you can be put in. Robin said that sounds great. Howard said don't put him in that. He said he doesn't want that to happen. Robin asked why he'd care what happens to his body when he's dead.
Howard read some feedback about his band's new song. Fred said that his new song with Robin is going to be great too. He said just wait to hear it. He asked Ronnie if he will dance to it at his wedding. Ronnie said he has to hear it first. Howard pleased some of his song ''Smell My Tuchus.'' Howard it's a great opening.
Ronnie said he's not sure Fred is even coming to his wedding. He said he doesn't go out much. Fred said he might be coming. He said he did get the Save the Date but he didn't see anything to respond to. Ronnie said it said in there that they'll be sending the invitations out soon.
Howard asked if Fred has had COVID. Fred said he has not. He said he will wear a mask when he goes out. He said he doesn't care what people think. He said you have to protect yourself. Howard said he saw the guest list was like 220 people. Fred said he may need a HazMat suit. Howard said he's still not sure what he's going to do. He said that he hasn't gotten out much. He said that Dr. Agus will be in soon so he'll talk to him. He said he has spoken to him and maybe Robin and tell him exactly what he's telling him to do.
Robin said that Howard had a conversation with Dr. Agus about her going to Southeast Asia. Howard said he did calm him down a bit about that.
Howard said that people wrote in about Ronnie's squirt conversation. He said that Ronnie has argued about the squirt and pee thing for years and he finally figured it out. Howard asked if Stephanie finally peed. Ronnie said he thinks so. He said that she didn't have a waterfall thing but yeah. Howard said it was pee. Ronnie said yeah. He said that she peed in his mouth. Howard said he must be good in bed. Ronnie said he told him a long time ago that he has to put in the time. He said it makes him get off better if he knows that she's really wound up. Howard said his wife doesn't want that nonsense. Ronnie said everyone is different. Howard said Ronnie's bedroom is like Splash Mountain. He said she's pissing in his mouth. He said she lost control of her body functions. Ronnie said it did that one time. He said he knew for sure that time.
Ronnie said he thinks it's the weed that gets him really worked up. He said he doesn't drink and the weed makes him feel great.
Howard read some feedback about the squirt thing. The fans were writing in about it being pee.
Howard said the fans were wondering what kind of weed he smokes. Ronnie said he had it out in California once and he's not sure what it's called. He said Stephanie hasn't been around so he's not sure what it is. He said they call it Peanut Butter and Jelly. He said he's not sure who makes it. He said Stephanie gets it for him and it comes in a cigar tube. He said it looks like a cigar. He said he just needs 2 or 3 hits and he's good for the rest of the night. Howard asked if she does it too. Ronnie said she doesn't. He said she smokes something stronger. He said it doesn't affect her the way it does for him. He said they have different strains there and you end up getting something based on that. He said he sticks with the one thing. He said it makes him laugh. Fred played Ronnie laughing clips. Ronnie said he's on a mission when he's on the weed. Fred played the Mission Impossible theme and his laughing clips.
Howard said the fans think that Ronnie is a sex guru. He read some of that. One person wrote in about Ronnie talking about how he keeps going even when Stephanie is cumming. He said that's the right thing to do.
Howard said he was telling his buddy Pat about Ronnie and he was asking how old he is. Howard said Ronnie is 73 and he just thinks about driving and pussy. He said that's all he thinks about. He said the guy never thinks about anything. He said when he was on a plane with him he just stared out the window and didn't say a word. He said Ronnie sits home thinking about Stephanie and when she comes home that's all he wants to do with her. Howard said they do something just about every day. Ronnie said pretty much every day. Howard said this is unusual for a 73 year old. He said that he would talk about pussy in the car with him when he was driving him around. He said that it always came down to pussy.
Howard said Ronnie's hobbies are pussy and NASCAR. He said that's what he likes and that's what he does. He said that Ronnie will do something with Stephanie almost every night. He asked what they do if they're not having sex. Ronnie said they have to get up early so they do something quick. He said that they'll be laying there naked and shit and he'll just kind of put her ass up against him and fuck around with her boobs and stuff. He said sometimes he won't cum. He said he'll just mess around. He said they do some spooning action.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Bernie Mac who was talking about Ronnie being the man. Howard spent a few minutes with fake Bernie.
Howard asked Ronnie if he has ever fucked her hair or something weird. Ronnie said he's not into that. He said that he doesn't cum in her face or anything like that either. He said he's not into the kinky stuff.
Howard said Ronnie accidentally drank her urine. Ronnie said that he didn't' care at the time. He said he was just happy that she was so worked up.
Howard answered another knock at the door and it was fake Andrew Dice Clay who was asking if she has ever farted on his balls to see if they flap in the wind. He asked about her cumming in his moustache and if he keeps it around for later. Ronnie said it does get in his moustache. He laughed as he was talking about that. He said he has to go scrub his moustache after. He said it gets hardened up. He said it's like moustache wax. Fake Dice asked Ronnie a few other questions about what he does with Stephanie. He asked if he shoots his goo up a nostril to see if it comes out the other one. He was asking if his moustache cracks up like a graham cracker. Ronnie said it does.
Howard let Dice go and Ronnie said he heard him talking about Bruce Willis earlier. He said he has this whole slew of movies on Hulu that are so fucking bad. He said that you can see there's something off with him. He said he didn't know about this until now but it all makes sense now. He said it doesn't even look like him sometimes. He said it's weird man. Howard said he must have tired to make a bunch of movies to make some money. Ronnie said he had to shut some of the movies off. Howard said he hasn't seen the bad ones. Ronnie said they're all over Hulu. Howard said he'd prefer to keep him in his mind in Die Hard and Sixth Sense. Ronnie said he made a bunch where he was really good. Howard said he feels for the guy. Ronnie asked if he really never met him. He said he did when they were out in California. He said they were out there for America's Got Talent and he was at the hotel and Bruce was there at the hotel with Chuck Zito. He said he walked in and it was him and Joe and they sat down and talked with him. He said he's a really nice guy.
Howard said he's surprised that Ronnie didn't hear about that. He said it's been in the news a lot lately.
Howard said a lot of people are taken with this Alix Earle girl that they were talking about. He read some feedback about her. Ronnie said he saw that they put up yesterday on the screen. He said he thinks her friend is even hotter. He said she had a friend in a blue bikini. He said she was hotter than this Alix chick. Howard read more feedback about that. Howard said he spent a lot of time researching her. He said he was watching some of her ''get ready with me'' videos. He said she was talking about what she eats all day too. He said that he's not sure if he believes that. Ronnie said he doesn't care about that. He said just come out looking hot. Howard said he likes some of the buildup.
Howard said he has a new video of Alix trying on some outfits for Mardi Gras. Howard played the audio for that.
Ronnie said all of these girls have the same voice. He said it's annoying. He said that her friend was hotter. He said she should be hanging out with uglier girls, not hotter. Howard said Ronnie's advice is to just put that shit on and don't talk about it.
Howard said that Alix was at Mardi Gras and she mentions getting put in a choke hold last year and laughs it off. He said it's kind of weird. He played that clip and Alix talked about this choking incident that happened with some random man. She said she took his phone and chucked it down the street when he was filing her friend taking her top off. Ronnie said that's annoying.
Howard said there were other clips of her talking about how she thinks she's got a strong immune system and things like that. Ronnie didn't want to hear it but Howard played it anyway.
Howard said this is so different than his college experience. Ronnie said these TikTok girls all sound alike and it's annoying. Howard played another clip where she was talking about her outfits and stuff. Ronnie said it's so annoying.
Howard asked what happened to Ronnie that he's so bothered by this. He told him to lay down on the couch.
Howard said he doesn't want to see that stuff. He said he'd rather see her trying on outfits and stuff. Ronnie said she was doing some stuff on Instagram and he told her to stop. He said she was making stupid videos and he made her stop that. Mariann said her TikTok is amazing. Howard thanked Mariann for the call.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his father died in September and he wondered if he has any advice for him. Howard said not really. Ronnie said he's leaving this conversation. He said he's going to be grieving over himself soon.
Howard said it was weird that his dad died but they weren't that close. He said he was grieving over their lack of bonding. He said that they had so many missed opportunities. He said it would have been nice to have a loving father. He said he doesn't have a way to grieve. He said the only thing you can really do is not block your feelings. He said that it sounds like this caller misses his dad. The caller said he does. He said his dad did a lot for him.
Howard said he didn't have a great relationship with his father. He said they never really played sports together. He said they tried to play baseball once but he hit his dad in the nuts with the baseball and he never played again. He said that his dad did teach him that he's annoying. He said he does think about his dad a lot. He said he scalded him on the subway once for not folding the paper the right way. He said he was nice in other ways. He said his father didn't get upset with him when he crashed his car. He said he did give him life and he was a good example for working hard and not cheating on his woman. He said he doesn't think so anyway. He said he doesn't think he had women lining up for him. He said that he did tell him to get a hooker when he told them that he was getting divorced.
Howard told the caller to call Gary on the Wrap Up Show to get advice. He said he doesn't want to hear Gary rattle on about it now. Gary said he's sorry he loved his dad. Howard asked how he got over his dad dying. Gary said you just think about them all the time and honor them. He said it's as simple as that. Howard said he does think about his dad all the time. He said that's good advice. He said just go with that.
Gary said Marc Maron said last week that if you had one good parent you'll be okay. Howard said he's right. He said he had a great dad. Gary said that he did and he would take him to work on Saturdays. He said that he realizes that he took him out of the house while the lunacy was going on at home.
Howard said he does think about his dad all the time. Robin said she thinks she made Howard laugh hardest when she told him about her dad's funeral. She said it was just such a farce because no one liked her father. She said that no one even wanted to say a few words about him. Howard said people drove off in their cars.
Howard asked the caller what else he had to say. The caller, Rico, said it was great that Biden visited Ukraine and he's not sure why they don't just surrender so we can get back to somewhat of a normalcy. Howard said he thinks we have to back the people of Ukraine. He said Putin is a monster. He said we want freedom and so do the people of Ukraine. Robin asked how this will end. Howard said he thinks it'll end like it began. He said that it's going to be a cold war. He said it'll be like North and South Korea. Robin said that he may get some land. Howard said maybe the borders will go back. He said the Russian people are getting thrown over there and their young songs are getting chewed up by the war machine. He said the kids in Russia are trying to get out of there.
Howard asked Rico if he thinks that they should have surrendered to Hitler. He said that you can't just give up. He said you have to keep going. He said we had to take a stand. He said we have to do it now and not let him get into Poland and get into World War III.
Robin said we now have China talking about sending in help for Russia. Howard said we're the leaders of the free world and we have to try to stop another Hitler. He said no war is good. He said there's always some fucknut out there. He said the people of Ukraine were living their lives and now their country is blown up.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Volodymyr Zelenskyy who sounds like Ham Hand Bill. He was telling Howard to get this guy off the phone. He said he wants America to send panties to Ukraine. Howard closed the door on him and let Rico go too.
Howard said he sees people carrying on about things but war starts when you get into people's business. He said it's like this transgender stuff. He said if someone wants to chop off their dick who cares. He said let them do it. He said he's all for it. Robin asked why your god put you here with all of these people you hate.
Howard said King talks about Martin Luther King Jr. next. King talked about how he's whack because he didn't understand who he was dealing with when he was trying to get the white man to like him.
Howard said Jay Z is up next. Howard asked Robin watch she thinks will happen. Robin's microphone was cutting out. Howard said they have to continue the game in a few minutes. He went to break.
Howard came back and sang along with the Cornells. Howard said that's Chris and his daughter.
Howard said these newscasters have to act so goofy. He said there's this place called Hell Michigan and it got cold there and these guys were all talking about how ''Hell froze over'' and that's so lame. He said it's so fucking lame. He played a clip of these broadcasters talking about how Hell froze over. They were all laughing like it was the funniest thing ever. Howard said this is a montage of more broadcasters doing the same thing. They had a bunch of the news people doing the exact same lame joke. Howard did an impression of what they sound like doing that.
Howard said he was a DJ in Detroit and he never did Hell jokes there. He said he could have done this though.
Howard got back to the Black or Whack game. He asked Robin what she thinks King will say Jay Z is. Robin said she thinks he'll say he's whack. Howard played the clip and King said that he's authentically black. He went through a whole explanation about why.
Howard said King is just silly. Robin said he's a simpleton. Howard said he's not sure he even believes what he says. Robin said she thinks he does. She said he thinks his thoughts are deep.
Howard asked what he'll say about Bill Cosby. Robin said she doesn't know. She said maybe he is Whack. Howard played the clip and King said Bill Cosby is black. He said he has done some crazy things but he has also tried to uplift the black community. Robin said none of this makes any sense at all.
Howard asked about Eddie Murphy. Robin said she can't call this. Howard asked if she wants to be locked in on Black. Robin said sure. In the clip King called Eddie whack. He had some crazy thoughts on that. He said that he's married to a white woman too so you have to put that in the soup.
Howard said Nelson Mandela is next. He said he has to be listed as black. He said he's one of the greatest black men of all time. Robin said she can't even call this one. Howard played the clip and King said you don't get no blacker than Nelson Mandela. He said he didn't bow down to the white man.
Howard asked about Dwayne Johnson. Robin said she thinks he'll say that he's whack. Howard said he'll lock her in on that. In the clip King said Johnson is whack. He said he has a black father but he puts on his Hawaiian motif. He said he tries to hide his blackness. He said you never see him cooking ribs or anything.
Howard said he has Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson on the list. Robin went with Whack for Michael Jordan. Howard played King's answer and he says that Jordan is black. He said he's so black.
Robin said that Michael Jackson has to be whack. Howard played the clip and King said he is honorary black because his father kept him black. He was going on and on so much that Howard cut it off and said this is ridiculous.
Howard asked Tan Mom what the show is. She said it's Tan Talk. She said that this guy is going to be a producer. She said she's going to take it slow with him. She said that she has lost trust in a lot of men. Howard asked Patricia if they're having a romantic relationship. Patricia said they are. She said he was the one who is pursuing her.
Howard asked what it is that he said that made her think he was interested in her. Patricia said that he told her that she's beautiful and she's easy to talk to. She said he thinks she's a whirlwind and things like that. Howard asked if they have kissed. Patricia said they have. She said she hasn't let him touch her boobs yet but that might happen this weekend. She said they're going out.
Howard asked Patricia if she's going to let him put his finger inside of her vagina. Patricia said that's going to take a long time. Howard said he's going to have to try to pry that thing open. He said she hasn't had it in a while. Robin said they have to do the cranking machine. Howard said that's called a jackhammer.
Howard asked how long Patricia thinks she'll manipulate his penis over his pants. Patricia said of course. she said they will get intimate so she will touch it. She said she hasn't felt it yet. Howard asked if she'll take it out or leave it in his pants and rub over it. She said she'll leave it in. Howard said he'll press into her hand from in his pants.
Patricia said that she's going to wait for him if you know what she means. Howard said he doesn't know what she means, ever. He asked if she has had dreams about him sexually. She said she has. She said she has touched herself thinking about him too.
Patricia said she wanted to bring up Tan Talk on Tubi. She said it's really funny. Howard said he's sure it is. He said he and Robin are big fans of her humor. He said there's no evidence that it wouldn't be funny.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Dice Clay again. He asked if she tans her twat lips. He said if she wants some suntan lotion just pump his cock and he'll give her some. Dice said he always wanted to fuck a pile of beef jerky. Howard said take it easy there. He said they've been friends a long time. Dice was still going on with the insults so Howard closed the door on him. He said that he wants some tan vagina.
Howard said he's not sure what Tubi even is but it sounds like she's pioneering something new. Patricia said that it's a streaming service and the show is on there now.
Howard said he loves Tan Mom. He said she's so sexy and wonderful. Robin asked if everything has been good with her. Tan Mom said it's been wonderful.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked him to have Dice back in. Howard let fake Dice come back in. He had more insults about Tan Mom. Howard said so many men fantasize about her. Fake Dice said it's like listening to a fucking moron who cooked her brain. Howard closed the door on him after that.
Howard asked what Tubi is. Tan Mom said it's like YouTube but it's not YouTube. Howard said he's done radio his whole life so maybe she should go on Tubi and explain what Tubi is. Patricia said it's a streaming service. Howard asked if you see her or is it just audio. Patricia said it's video. She said they included Howard and Robin in one episode. She said she comes out laying in a bed and Howard and Robin come out. She said she was in a coma and it's like a cartoon. She said it's adorable. Robin said they must be cartoons. Howard said they'll check it out and then call their lawyers.
Howard asked if they're making money. Patricia said they are. She said she feels better today than ever. Howard asked if she has seen a paycheck from the show. Patricia said she has. Robin asked if Adam Barta is involved. Howard said of course he is. Howard had Adam on the phone so he let him explain some stuff. Patricia cut him off and said this is her thing. Adam said that he's so proud of her working her butt off for this show. He said she's having an affair with the producer of the show and it's like if Howard an Robin got together.
Adam said that Patricia has never given up and he has to give it to her for that. Howard said she's got a lot going on. He said it's something how she put it all together. He said he does compliment her on that. Adam said that she has a hit show on Tubi. He said it's really big over there. Howard said this is called delusion and they're going to have them both locked up.
Howard played a song parody that they had Tan Mom record. It was about tanning of course. Howard said that's from Tan Mom the musical. He said Tan Mom is so sexy. He wished her luck with the new boyfriend. He said it's almost a waste that she wasn't giving it to a man. She said that she'll get to that this weekend. Adam said they'll film it for the show. Howard let the two of them go a short time later.
Howard said he almost called her Tan instead of Tan Mom. He wrapped up the show and ended it around 10:20am.
Howard said she's going to do a couple of songs live. Erik said he missed Howard and Robin. Howard said they missed him too. Erik said he had some carpel tunnel surgery and a neck surgery to have his spine fused. Howard said he doesn't get how he got carpel tunnel. He said he doesn't do anything that would cause that.
Robin asked what work Erik does. Erik said he has to do the Cameos on his computer. Howard said carpel tunnel is a working man's issue. He said he's glad Erik is feeling better. Erik said it's scary in there. He said the nurses have to help him go to the bathroom. Howard said imagine wiping his ass. He asked Robin if she can imagine that. Robin said no. Howard said his daughter is a nurse practitioner so he knows what they have to go through.
Howard said he's glad that Erik is doing better. Erik asked him to say hello to P!nk for him. Howard said he'll try to remember but he has a lot on his mind.
Howard let Erik go and said they did both hands for carpel tunnel. Robin said that's why they had to wipe his ass for him. Howard said he can't imagine. He said he'd like to help his fellow man but he wouldn't be able to wipe Erik's ass. Howard said that's an amazing story there. He said the show ain't going to get better than that. He said that is crazy.
Howard said he's not sure how Erik even afforded an operation. He said he happens to know a lot about carpel tunnel. He said Dr. Sarno wrote about that but what can he tell you.
Howard said the one person he takes care of is his mother. He said he does that begrudgingly. He said as soon as he gets off the air today he has to talk to his mom about that pipe burst. He said he's thinking about the conversation in his head and he doesn't want to make that call. He went into his impression of his mother complaining about this horrible thing that happened. He had her going on and on about the things that she has to put up with at this home.
Howard was having this conversation with his mom and said that this is going to be his day today. Robin said they have to tell her to look at the bright side. Howard said she won't listen to him if he says that. He said she'll just say she has to go. Howard got back into the impression and went back and forth with himself over it all.
Howard said he's not sure what he can do. He was still going back and forth with his mother complaining about moving her room and all of that. He eventually just had his mom making whining noises in response to his own grunts.
Howard said he needs rest. He said he needs loving care. He said he told his wife this morning what was going on. He said his wife looked at him like ''Oh no...'' Howard got back into his mom's impression and went on and on with her complaining about other things like Howard's daughter's wedding.
Howard said his mom just wants to be left alone. He said he's going to have to leave her alone. Robin said he's like Norman Bates with his mom yelling at him from above.
Howard said his whole life he felt off. He said you know what he means. He said he has his own problems in his head. He said he can't sit there. He said he has P!nk coming in and all he has in his head is this. He said Robin is sitting there laughing. He said he's not sure what to do. He said he wishes there was a person in his life that could take care of this. Robin said someone who would make her forget and change her mind about things. Howard said maybe a hypnotist.
Howard did a few more minutes of his mom complaining. He said that he knows he's going to have a shit day today. He said he can't tell his mother anything negative. He said he has to be positive.
Howard said his mom doesn't want to go to the wedding because she has to buy a dress. He said Beth will do it. He said Beth buys her everything. He went into the impression again having his mom complaining about pajamas that Beth got for her. He had to explain to her that they can return what doesn't fit and she can try on multiple sets. He was arguing with himself over all of this. He was explaining to his mom what the problem with the supply chain was and things like that.
Howard said the other thing is that he asked his mother if she hears from her friends. He said she tells him that they call but it's hard to talk on the phone. He said it hurts her voice. Howard said he's going to get old and he's going to end up sounding old like her. He said she's not going anywhere. He said he's not looking forward to the rest of today though.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that everyone has a similar situation or not. Howard said that's an amazing sentence. He said that everyone has a similar situation or they don't. The caller, Callie, said we can all end up this way. She said at least he has a best friend. Howard said he has to go. He thanked her for the call and asked what was wrong with her. Robin said something must have happened between her calling and her getting on the phone.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she has been through the same stuff as he has. She said she loves the fake conversations. Howard said they're the actual conversations but they haven't happened yet. He said he'll have to repeat that later today.
The caller, Donna, said that when it comes to pajamas just order a ton of them for her. Howard said they did. He said she gets in on the conversation. He said it becomes a whole thing. He said he tells her not to worry about it but he has to. He said he has to deal with it. He said Beth starts quaking and she knows if she gets anything with anything artificial in it then his mom will complain about it. He said she wonders what the Rayon is and she claims it irritates her skin. He got back into the impression of his mom complaining.
Donna said just tell her it was all Beth's idea. Howard said he can't do that. He said the Rayon is his Kryptonite. Donna said she had to deal with her parents and their appliances so she knows what Howard is dealing with.
Howard said his mother complains about this Rayon stuff. Robin said it's a natural fiber. Howard said he tells her not to worry about it. He said if they're bad pajamas you don't hear the end of it.
Howard said his buddy Pat wanted to call his mom because for years he trained her. He said that he told his mom the news and she wondered why Pat would want to call her. She said that it's too awkward for her so don't have him call.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he would take the phone out and just let his mom go on and on and he'd just go ''uh huh'' over and over with the phone away from his face. Howard said he can't do that because his mom knows if he's listening. Howard said he has therapy today so that's good. He said his therapist is backing up the Brinks truck now. He said he'll need extra sessions. He said he tells his mom she never comes up on the sessions.
Howard said he's not sure why this pipe had to be broken over his mom's apartment. He said that someone is testing him. He said it must be God. He said he's got to be testing him. He said he knows that's what it is. He said he read the bible and that must be what's going on. He said he's a positive person. He said he's been tested his whole life. He said he has passed every test so far. He said he's not sure when they tell you that you've passed every test.
Howard said he has to take a break and go pish. He said he's going to put his head in a toilet. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and said that Alanis Morissette album was amazing. He said everything but the harmonica. He said that was a bit of a misstep. He said she sold about 20 million copies of this album. He said it's actually sold over 30 million over the life of the album. He said she could have sold 75 if she didn't have the harmonica on it.
Howard went through some history of the album and said Alanis was just 21 when this album came out. He said this song was about heartbreak. He said anyone who writes about heartache will have a hit song.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has a story to tell. The caller, Alex, said he went to a massage and he was thinking it might be a rub and tug place. He said the girl tells him that her roommate is there sleeping. He said he got naked for the massage. He said the happy ending was happing and the girl woke up and he ended up running out when the roommate woke up. Howard said he's not sure what he's even talking about. He had to go over the story again about the woman sleeping in there. Alex said the woman was doing the massage in her house. Howard said he's not sure what to think. He said he walked into a private home to get a massage.
Alex said she hosts there. He said there was some app that he used to find it. He said it was something like Kagigi or something. Howard said he's never heard of that.
Alex said the roommate was on the couch. Howard asked if they were Asian. Alex said the woman was black and the roommate was white. Howard asked if they were hot. Alex said the black girl was real hot but the girl on the couch not so much. He said the black girl looked like Robin Givens. Howard said that's really hot. He said he says that she looked like Robin Givens. He asked who the white girl looked like. Alex said he can't even put her with a face.
Howard asked about how the jerking off started. Alex said she charged an extra 50 bucks for that. He said the massage was $100. He said that she was pretty hot and she had short shorts on and a nice ass. He said he was able to grab her ass when she was jerking him off. He said he didn't have to pay for that.
Howard asked what kind of top she was wearing. Alex said she was wearing something nice. Howard asked what kind of hair style she had. Alex said she had her hair up in a bun. Howard asked if he was on a board or something. The caller said it was in the middle of the living room.
Howard asked if she washed her hands first and things like that. Alex said she did. He said she didn't even care about how clean he was. He said she didn't make him wash his balls or anything. He said he got a full half hour massage and then got jerked off. He said it was a legit service.
Howard asked if the friend didn't know what was going on. Alex said that she must have known because there was a massage table in the living room. He said that he could have hit her in the face with his jizz if he had turned her direction.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Dice Clay was there complaining about this guy and saying he should have just shot his load on the chick.
Howard asked Alex what he did when he ran out. Alex said he put his clothes on and booked it out of there. Howard said he went out in his underpants. Alex said he went in the hallway and put his pants on.
Howard asked Alex if he jerked off when he got home. Alex said he did as soon as he got home. He said the whole ride home he was all oily and still horny. He said it was a mess. Howard asked what the masseuse did when he ran out. Fake Dice said something that Howard dumped out of before he closed the fake door on him.
Howard said maybe Alex was set up in some way. He said maybe the girl is on the couch to wake up in the middle of it. Alex said that might turn on most guys.
Howard took a call from a woman who said this guy was duped. She said that way the woman can take her money and not have to do it. Alex said she could have done it before she grabbed his cock.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had a situation like this. He said he took this girl up on an offer and she was super hot. He said they got naked and she straddled his back and gave him a massage. He said she ended up not moving for a minute and then 2 minutes. He said he kind of slid her off of him and she was breathing but she may have taken something and she didn't wake up. He said he kind of panicked and he got dressed and left. He said he was panicking and he was thinking his finger prints were in the room and stuff. He said he wasn't sure if he had left her there to die. He said he kept watching the news to see if anything came out of it. He said it was pretty scary. Howard said that's a horror story. Robin asked if he had to pay. The caller said he took some money back. He said it was on the counter and he was only there for 10 minutes.
Howard asked how much he took back. The caller said it was about 50 percent. Howard said that's called creep math.
Howard thanked that caller and Alex for his story. Alex said he loves Robin. Howard said of course he does. He said when Robin rubs you there's no other chick on the couch.
Howard played the clip of Don Lemon talking about women being in their prime in their 20s and 30s and 40s. He said he's not agreeing with that but she's saying she's in her prime. He said he's just stating what the facts are. He said Nikki should be careful about saying that other politicians aren't in their prime.
Howard said you don't say that on CNN. He said the great part of the story is that they said they had to handle this situation and they sent him into sensitivity training for a day. He said he came back the next day and he was cured. Howard said he's been in therapy for 30 years and he's not fixed yet but this fixed Don in a day.
Howard said he wants this person in his life if they can fix him in a day. Howard said he's not sure what was going on there.
Howard said Don was on in mid days but Jon Hein said that he was actually on at 10pm. Howard said he must have been trying to pump up the ratings by saying crazy stuff. He said he's back on the air now.
Howard said who knows what's going on. He said at least they gave him the training and he apologized. He said you can get canceled easy these days.
Howard said he has some audio of Derek and Memet talking about Lenny from around the time this happened. He played the clip from the show where they told him about what went on with him in the hotel.
Howard said he's sure Robin is intrigued. Robin said not really. She said she's pretty sure she knows how crazy it is. Howard said Lenny was up the whole night partying in his hotel room. He said they recorded some of this for them. Howard played a clip of Lenny getting spanked or smacked around by these women. Lenny was talking about this woman's beautiful pussy.
Howard said Memet said the girls were very normal looking African American women. He said he's not sure who was doing the slapping. Robin said she thinks it was Lenny asking if it didn't hurt.
Howard said Lenny calls his penis PC for Perfect Cut. He said he got down about it when he wasn't getting hard. He played a clip of Lenny talking to the girls and saying that he wasn't getting hard.
Howard asked Derek what was going on there. Derek said he thinks that he was partying all night and he was up with them the whole time doing god knows what. He said they wanted to be spanked and choked and he was looking for a party but they were arguing about the music. He said there was a lot going on there. Howard said they may have to turn this over to the police.
Howard said things got back on track when Lenny started sucking the girl's breasts and spanking them. He played another clip where you could hear the sucking. He said things went south again and Lenny got upset about the music. He played another clip where Lenny said it was way too loud. He had them turn it down. Then he was asking them to suck his dick. He complained about one of the girls spitting on PC.
Howard said Lenny calls all the shots in bed. Derek said he likes that it was Weezer playing the whole time. Howard said there was a lot going on in the room. He said they don't have a lot of bickering going on during sex. He said Lenny can only fuck under the perfect scenario. He said if you do hook up with him this is what you can expect.
Howard said Lenny was a mess the next day. He said he mentioned something about Ketamine. He said Ronnie was worried about him and expressed concern for him. He said this was very sweet. Howard played a clip of Ronnie talking to him about the crazy lifestyle he's living. Lenny said he's fine. He said his grandmother lived a long time. He said no one parties like him though.
Howard said Lenny claimed he had hiccups from the gas station dick pills he took the night before. He said that's just what he said. He said that he was also bragging about taking six Amoxicillin per night. Howard played a clip where Lenny explained what was going on with that and how he figured out how to have a moat around his dick with that.
Derek said he has been doing that Amoxicillin since 1986 or so. Howard said they had a hard time getting Lenny out of the hotel. He said he was trying to stay another night in the hotel that had a check out of 1pm. Derek said they had to try to drag him out of the room but he got so sick from the gas station pills that he was violently ill. Howard had some audio from the hotel room when Lenny was vomiting. Howard said this is being recorded from the hallway and not even in the room. Derek said there were housekeepers and people in the hall waiting to clean the room. He said they were over time and they might have to pay for another night if he didn't get out. Howard played the clip and Lenny was puking really hard.
Howard said that's a real man right there. Derek said they were going to do a whole pussy boat thing that day but he wasn't in any condition to do that. Howard said Lenny just turned 60 years old and Robin could have him. Robin asked if he's really only 60.
Howard said they had to give Lenny another night in the hotel. He cleared out the mini bar in the room. Derek said he had to check the bill and the guy had to get his manager to talk to him. Howard said the room cost over $2,000. He said he cleared the mini bar 3 times and he got an intimacy kit from the hotel too. He said they had to do a deep cleaning of the room too. He said the list is really long and he can't go through it all. He said they had a commercial speed reader read the whole bill. He said they'll run out of time if he reads it. Howard played the clip of the guy reading the list that went on and on.
Howard said this goes on for another minute and a half. He had already played about 30 seconds. He said he can't even finish the list. He said that's it. He said Lenny really is a rock star. He said he's not sure what the deal is with him. He said if Robin goes out with him she had better bring a lot of outfits with her.
Howard said he has to have Sal connect to Belz from the beyond. He said speaking of that he has something to play soon. He said that Sal claims he can contact the dead. He said this bit he'll play next week is something where they put and ad in the paper for a reading that Sal could do. He said this good looking woman responded and she wanted a psychic. He said she had no idea who Sal was. He said she signed up for this reading with Sal. He said Sal gave her the reading and wait till you hear this. He said if you were thinking of canceling your subscription do not do it until after this. He said this is something.
Howard said they have another bit where they called up a bunch of psychics and asked them to contact Hitler for them so they can talk to him about hating the Jews. He said Robin is going to have to guess if the psychic drew the line or went with it. Robin said they might as well do it if it's all fake.
Howard said they have teasers here. He said that they contacted a psychic and said they can't get this money from a family member and asked if they can contact Bernie Madoff to figure out how to get it. He said Robin will have to figure out if they do it or if they have some kind of ethics. Howard said they want to find out if the psychic will go that low or not.
Howard said they contacted a psychic to ask Jeffrey Epstein how to trick a young girl to be their girlfriend. He said they have to figure out if they would do it or not.
Howard said he always went by his gut on radio. Robin said she felt the same way as Howard. She said she heard that song more than any song she rally liked. Howard said he didn't hate the song but he did hear it an awful lot. He said he started to hate it because it was played so much.
Howard said they had to have another Blue Oyster Cult song to play. He said they did have Godzilla. He said that Burning for You was good too. Howard asked if Bobo grunting under them bothers Robin as much as him. Bobo said he used to see them a lot on Long Island. Howard said he just anted to interrupt like that. Howard had Jon Hein humming the Godzilla song as he talked it up like he was at WNBC. Howard said then out of the woodwork came his cousin Eric. He said he told him he was married to his cousin and he had no idea who the woman was he was married to. He said that he just went with it. He said they asked him if he wanted to be on a Blue Oyster Cult album. He said he was on the one that no one bought. He said they had him come in to do a reading for ''When the War Comes.'' He said he didn't win a Grammy for that. He said he thinks the whole thing was a fiasco. Howard let Bobo go after that.
Howard said he has to get to P!nk. He said she's coming in after the break. Robin said she saw her performing with her daughter Willow and it was amazing. Howard said she can really sing. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he played Billy Joel because last time he saw P!nk was when they did the Billy Joel special. He said she did Always a Woman he thinks. He said that was a long time ago. Robin said she was trying to think of the last time they saw her. She said they had her on when she had a hit song. Howard said his microphone just went limp.
Howard said P!nk has a new album out called Trustfall.
Howard asked P!nk about her guitar player, Justin, because he saw her singing Babe I'm Gonna Leave You and it looked like there was something going on there. Howard asked if there was anything going on there. P!nk said that she's the reason for his happiness. She said that he proposed to his wife when she came into the room without even saying hello. Howard said he didn't know he was married. P!nk said he's one of the best friends she's ever had. She said she loves him and they love what they do so much that it's better than sex. She said it's so far beyond. She said it's why she still does this.
Howard said he's looking at the band and he wonders if she hand picks these people. He asked if she had go to through a lot of people. P!nk said she thinks they just find each other. She said you do have to be the best. She said that she hates auditioning. She said that she will trip over herself to make you comfortable. She said that Justin was 23 at the time and he was so nervous. She said that you just have to be a decent human being to be in the band.
Howard said P!nk has wanted to be a singer since she was born. He said it's weird to him that she never wanted to learn an instrument. P!nk said she tried. She said she can only play about 2 songs on drums and piano. She said she wishes she was forced to play as a child. Howard said it must be difficult for her without that training. P!nk said she hears melodies in her head so she is able to do it. She said she can hear a song in her head and her voice can get it out. Howard said he loves that she collaborated with Chris Stapleton. He asked if she saw him perform at the Super Bowl. P!nk said she did and she was offended. She said he's just so good. She said it's unbelievable. She said they're like conduits from heaven. She said he's always the most humble guy in the room too. Howard asked if he she called him and asked to collaborate with her. P!nk said he loves to collaborate and he loves to do it out of his genre. She said he drove to her house and hung out with her for a couple of days. She said that she asked what he needed and he said he was good. She said she wrote this poem and read it to him. He asked if she was okay. She said no and they just went into the song and wrote it in 5 minutes.
Howard asked if that's Justin on guitar. P!nk said it is. Howard said he has a lot of questions for Justin. Howard said this is a great song and it sounds like her voice is the best it's ever been. He said you never know how that's going to go. Howard let the song ''Just Say I'm Sorry'' for a minute.
Howard asked when a guy like Justin auditions for her does she start singing with him while he plays or what. P!nk said she likes to throw three songs at them and see how they interpret them. Howard asked Justin if he remembers that. Justin named the songs he thinks he did for her. He said that he went into the audition and he thinks he wanted it so bad that he worked his butt off and here we are. Howard said he's been with her for a long time. P!nk said she loves family and long term relationships so she sticks with them.
Howard said he looks at the band when he's at a concert. He said he likes to watch the drummer. P!nk said you want to see the love between them. Howard said it's pretty cool. P!nk said then there's Oasis and that's pretty cool too. Howard said you probably look at them and think about how they just stand there. P!nk said there was one show where Liam sat in the audience and threw stuff at his brother.
Howard said he has seen her do Janis Joplin. He said that's tough to do. Howard said there was a project to do that and it was dropped. P!nk said she thinks that Janis didn't want it made. She said that Linda Perry was going to play her. She said there have been maybe 10 projects that didn't fly. She said that means that maybe Janis wasn't happy with it. she said they also wanted a happy ending there but that can't happen. She said it wasn't a happy ending. Howard said he knows at least 3 people who were supposed to play Janis in a movie. He said it's wild.
Howard asked P!nk if she was told as a little girl that she was going to be as big as she is would she have believed it. P!nk said she has a big imagination but not this big. Howard asked if she ever burns out on it. P!nk said not creatively. She said she's always trying to be better. She said she's trying to be better always and she's in therapy and things like that. She said she never phones it in. She said there was a point in the last tour where she had two kids with her and it shaved off a couple of years off her life. She said it made her question everything. Howard asked what it was that was so hard. P!nk said they were just sick. She said her kids were sick and things were bad. She said they'd be sick and then she'd be sick. She said she takes everything so seriously and she never cancels any shows. She said that she felt so beat down. She said it makes her want to cry. She said you're in a hotel and wondering what you're doing. She said it's impossible for moms to do this kind of thing. She said then you just go on stage and do it. She said she's crying for her babies now because it wasn't cool for them.
P!nk said it's important for the band because they're like family. She said that they've been through stuff. She said they have to take a break from time to time. She said she once came into the room with the dancers and she just crumpled. She said one of the dancers, Tracy, ran off and came back with a stack of plates for her to write on and then break them. She said that she didn't want to do that because someone had to clean it up. She said she insisted that she break them. She said people came running in thinking they were killing each other.
Howard said it's crazy how much time you spend with the band. He said with guys who are in rock bands it's easier than it is for a mom. P!nk said that's true. She said her kids come with her. She said that they still sleep in her bed. She said she would give all of this up for them. she said she signed her record deal at 16. She said she's lived so much life. She said it's unbelievable what they get to do. She said being a mom is her favorite thing that she ever got to do. She said she loves the kids so much. She said they get to grow up with these great people and tour the world. She said they know these people and their children and it's great.
Howard asked if she talks to the kids about doing all of this and if she gives them a vote. P!nk said she does. She said her daughter Willow is 11 now and she wants to honor her childhood so she told her she will do anything she wants her to do. She said she may have to miss her a little bit or she'll just walk away. She said they were both crying. She said they can do it and figure it out. P!nk said Willow told her she didn't want her to quit but she has things to do in theater. She said that they had to look into dates and figure it all out.
Howard said someone told her that if she had kids her career would be over. P!nk said they did tell her that. She said that they tell you that and that they won't make nay money. She said this is important to her and her life.
Howard asked how she got over her childhood because she had a tough life. He said her parents had to go searching for her when she'd disappear for weeks on end. He asked if she was worried that her kids would turn into her. P!nk said she absolutely did. She said that Carey wanted to have kids early on and he had a young dad. She said that he was a construction worker and they had a great life together. She said that it was fantastical to him. She said his body was broken too so he wanted to do it early. P!nk said at 31 she became a mom. She said that she had her daughter and she didn't know it was going to be a girl so she broke down crying. She said she thought her life was going to be fucked.
P!nk said she was breast feeding and her mom was wondering if she was trying to show her up. She said she was just trying to do the thing that felt right to her. P!nk said she had to learn from her life.
Howard said it sounds like she had it together but how do you keep history from repeating. He said she had a hard time with her family. P!nk said her parents hated each other. Howard said she must have worried about doing the same thing. P!nk said she didn't have kids yet so when you don't have that you can walk away. She said you can have regrets down the line and wonder ''what if...'' She said that she and Carey were going to get divorced and they talked about saving the marriage and they ended up back together. She said 12 year later you have to ask yourself that every day. She said it's hard work. She said she has to put her kids ahead of her. She said that she went to therapy and figured out which person she wanted to be.
Howard said with her there has to be a lot of trust. He said she's on the road and they spend time apart. He said it has to be rough. Howard asked if they do marriage therapy. P!nk said absolutely. She said it's an interesting concept. She said if you're trying to evolve and grow you have to do that. she said that you can't evolve and grow in the same way at the same time if you don't do that. She said it's the dumbest thing she's ever heard in her life. She said that she knows Carey and what kind of man he is so she can trust him. She said he can trust her too.
Howard said it was something when she broke up and put out the divorce album. He said they got back together after that. P!nk said she won't listen to the lyrics in her songs. Howard asked how it works with lyrics and if she just writes it down and holds on to it. P!nk said Hate Me is a song that came out that day.
Howard said he sits there looking at her career marveling over it. He said she was born singing. He said he saw some videos of her very young and she's up singing in front of a whole room. He said she's singing like a professional. He asked what that song was. P!nk said it may have been Oh Father. Howard said that was so good. He said that's what it was. P!nk said she picked that song after her father left. She said she ended up winning that competition. She said she had a crush on the drummer in that band.
Howard asked if she was a savant. He said she didn't need lessons. P!nk said she actually did need lessons.
Howard said he remembers the songs Lady Marmalade with the other women like Christina Aguilera. He asked whose idea that was. P!nk said she's not sure really. She said she remembers the fitting for that outfit. She said she didn't want to wear that. Howard said there are two things that drive him crazy about Christina Aguilera. P!nk said he has to mention what droves him crazy about her. Howard said it does bother him that she's on high wires when she does her thing. He said he feels that she's taking risks when she does that. P!nk said that's fair. Howard said she must have a death wish or something. He said that's what he tells his wife. P!nk said she loves doing it because it's fun an unique.
Howard said he heard a story about P!nk and this song ''Beautiful'' and how she asked for it from Linda Perry. He said that Linda said to her that she didn't hear her with that song and gave it to Christina Aguilera. Howard said that would bother him so much. He said it must burn her to this day. He asked if she has ever done that song. P!nk said she has not. She said that Linda will pull perfection out of you. She said she did that with Christina. She said she would tell her to let go of her vibrato. She said that she ended up writing ''Eventually'' with her. She said that she didn't even know she had that in her. She said she and Linda had a very complicated relationship. She said Linda told her that she never wanted any of this and she burst her bubble. She said she felt a lot with her music and she would sing songs at the top of her lungs until the cops came. She said that she went and found her and didn't give up. She said she felt betrayed when she went to work with everyone else. She said she became the pop hit maker. She said she felt like they had something special there. She said that woman saved her life and she was so talented. She said she went on to be all of these things and that's what hurt. She said it had nothing to do with Christina. P!nk said she wanted to be in her lane and have her own thing. Howard thought she might be looking for a mother figure but P!nk said that's not the case.
Howard played ''Get The Party Started'' and said that's when he got to know her. P!nk said that's a Linda Perry song. She said that's what she wanted released first and people didn't think that was the right move. She said that's the song though and she insisted. Howard said they say that Madonna passed on that song. P!nk said she doesn't think that's true. P!nk said she did the vocals in the shower. She said she was in a tub holding a microphone when she did that. She said that Linda had her come over and she walked in and she had an assistant. She said she didn't know what that was. She said Linda handed her a microphone and had her tell her what she was feeling. Howard said he can't imagine what that's like.
Howard played some of P!nk's song ''Don't Let It Get Me'' and asked her about the lyric about her teacher wanting to date her. Howard asked if that's real. P!nk said they did want to. Howard said a lot of adults betrayed her and he can imagine that. He said her parents left her and there are issues with that. He said that even her father was a tough guy. P!nk said he had a shitty hand dealt to him in his life. Howard said everyone was betraying her. Howard asked if the teachers would come up to her and ask her to go out with them. P!nk said it was more about making moves on her and making comments. She said that she had this idea that adults think you're supposed to follow them. She said she had a problem with that.
Howard said she got a record deal and she had to break up her band Choice. P!nk said she had to tell them that she wanted to go solo. She said she couldn't tell them that the record company didn't want them. She said she had to do it that way or they'd keep her in a contact and not let her out of it. She said she called her dad and he told her that sometimes we have to do hard things. Howard said she loves these women that she was in the band with. P!nk said she talked to the manager first and then the other girls were upset and called her a cunning cunt. She said everything went away and she was homeless. She said the managers disappeared for a few months. She said they all disappeared. She said that she had to get a job at a gas station and she got a publishing deal after that. she said she didn't know that she had to put it in writing that they were no longer her management. She said they ended up suing her for all of her money. She said she had sold like 16 million records and she was broke. She said she wants to write a book on how to get fucked. Howard said people still get fucked in their contracts.
Howard said P!nk's dad wrote a song for her. She said he did this with him. Howard played the song ''The Ring'' that they did together. P!nk said this makes her so happy. Howard said her dad has died from prostate cancer. P!nk said he was there at the Billy Joel Town Hall. She said it was one of his favorite days. Howard said that was a great show. P!nk said she had a lot of fun as a child. She said it was good in a lot of ways. She said she did a lot of camping and motorcycle riding. She said they would camp and he'd finger pick this song with her. She said that there was a lot of cool stuff they did together. She said she grew up with veterans around and they were like family. She said she thinks that's why this is what she has with the band. She said her father was in Vietnam and he didn't tell her about it until he was in his 40s. She said her dad taught her the language of the trees. She said that her dad told her that the nuns prepared her for Vietnam.
Howard asked P!nk thinks that she's really angry with her mother because she didn't keep her dad in the marriage. P!nk said she doesn't think so. She said she loves learning about the brain and how we work. She said that oil and water don't mix. She said that her mom and dad were different and they probably should have gone to therapy. she said they had their own things to work out. She said her parents struggled to keep it together for 17 years and she understands that. She said she has been married for 17 years. She said that her dad tried to be in her life.
Howard said they're going to do the song ''What About Us'' this morning. He asked why they picked this song. P!nk said it's a time in this world where we have to be together and stand up for ourselves and others. She said we have to have diversity and inclusivity. She said they have that in the band. She said they all come from different places and they argue and get back together and all of that. She said it works. She said it's fucking beautiful. She said it's so much better than being boring .She said she's so said for people who don't like gay people. She said you're bad if you don't. Howard said he has asked that to people and he doesn't understand it. P!nk said it's just love. Howard said they tell him he's ''Woke'' because he believes that.
Howard said this song is ''What About Us.'' P!nk and the band performed the song. After the song Howard said that was beautiful. He said that P!nk's voice sounds great. He asked if she has any trouble singing at this time of day. P!nk said just give her the microphone. Howard said some people can't sing in the morning. P!nk said he loves the rasp in her voice in the morning. She said she lost it when she stopped smoking but it comes back in the morning.
Howard asked how they work out the harmonies. He asked if they can do that for him again. He said he hates to put them on the spot. The backup singers and P!nk did their thing. Howard said he liked that.
Howard said he loves harmony. He said you don't hear a lot of that going on now. P!nk said she likes the Indigo Girls too. Howard asked if she's freaked out by where music is going now. He said there are a lot of people who can't do that live. P!nk said Billie Eilish is bonkers. She said she can do it live. She said Olivia Rodrigo too. She said there's a lot of young people out there.
Howard asked if she was asked to be a judge on American Idol. P!nk said she was. She said she would be terrible at that. She said she doesn't like being mean. Howard said he knows. He said he was on America's Got Talent and he told a little kid he wasn't ready and he burst into tears. Howard said he burst a 5 year old's dream. He said it was horrible.
Howard said P!nk has asthma but you'd never know. P!nk said she has to take an inhaler but she's way better than she was as a kid. She said she used to have to do breathing exercises and they got her into gymnastics too. She said she was exercising her lungs doing that and it all kind of worked out. Howard said that's fantastic. P!nk said she smoked for 20 years too. She said that wasn't a good thing. Howard said that drives him nuts too.
Howard said P!nk put out a greatest hits album in 2010 and she had two songs on there that were new but they went on to be hits as well. Howard said she had the song Perfect that was actually ''Fucking Prefect.'' Howard asked what that was. P!nk said she was pregnant at the time and she wanted the child to know what she was going to think about them. She said she wanted to give some unconditional love. She said it's about her and about you too. She said we have this idea about perfect but the messiness is the perfection. She said it's the mistakes and the resiliency to start over.
Howard asked if she was upset that they cut the ''fucking'' part out of the song title. P!nk said not at all. She said they have been bleeping her the whole time.
Howard asked if she likes making videos. P!nk said she does. She said she gets that some people don't like it.
Howard asked if the girls are going to do harmony with her on ''Fucking Perfect.'' P!nk said they are. Howard asked if they're ready. Everyone was ready to go so they performed the song.
After the song Howard said that drummer is a fun guy to watch. He asked who that is. P!nk said that's Brian and he's incredible. Howard asked how long he's been drumming. Brian said 30 years professionally. Howard said he seems to be having a good time. He asked if he can play Wipe Out. Brian said he thinks he can. Howard said every drummer plays that. Brian did it. Howard said nice job. He asked who the best drummer is out of Ginger Baker and John Bonham. Brian said you stop at John Bonham. Howard said that's what he wanted to know. He said one of the idiots on his show said it was the guy from Rush but he's gone now so they don't have to deal with that.
Howard asked P!nk if she's friends with people like Madonna. P!nk said Madonna doesn't like her. She said that some people just don't like her. She said that she kind of tried to play her on Regis and Kelly and it didn't work. She said she fucking loves Madonna and she still loves her. She said she was such an inspiration for her. She said that the story was that she was fan girling over her but she really wasn't. She said Madonna was the one who asked her to come back stage and they asked her about that on Regis and Kelly and she turned it around on her. She said Madonna didn't like that so that's the story there.
Howard asked about Stevie Nicks. P!nk said he loves her too. She said she has that great voice. Howard played some ''Edge of Seventeen'' and talked about how great that songs is.
Howard asked Brian about covering ''Babe I'm Gonna Leave You'' and asked him to play a little bit of that. Howard started to sing a little bit too. Howard asked Justin who the best guitar player was. Justin said there are so many. He said Hendrix is the first guy he fell in love with. He said Stevie Ray Vaughn and Eddie Van Halen were amazing too. Howard asked him to play some Hot for Teacher. Justin went into it and played a few seconds of it. Howard said what a fun band. He said he has to get a band.
Howard said P!nk has this new album out called Trustfall and they have a tour coming up.
Howard asked how this album came about. P!nk said she had to get it out. She said she had 3 years and she had a lot to get out. She said the best song is the last one you wrote. She said she had 3 years for some of the songs to fall away. She said it became this whole piece of work that she's so proud of. Howard said her voice has never sounded better. He said the song that moves him the most on the album is ''When I Get There.'' He said he knows what she has been through with her family and how she had trouble mourning for her father. He said it's very emotional. He said it got him thinking about his father dying last summer. Howard played some of that song.
Howard said he can see she's even moved listening to it. P!nk wasn't able to speak. She went over and hugged Justin. P!nk said he lost both of his parents so he knows. Justin said his mom died in 2019 and his dad in 2005. He said that his dad wasn't too thrilled about him getting into music but he got on board after a while. He said his mom was always supportive though.
Howard asked P!nk if she think about her dad. She said she does and she hopes that he's with his buddies somewhere. She said that we all want to think that there's something after. She said we desperately think that so we don't have to think we're just a bunch of ants. P!nk said she asked her dad what he wanted to be if he came back. P!nk said she went home one day and there was a hawk in her dining room and it follows her around every day until she gets where she's going. Howard said she thinks there's an afterlife then. P!nk said absolutely.
Howard played another song off the new album. He asked how many takes she does to do a song like that. P!nk said it's like yodel and it all depends on the song and her voice that day. She said she likes playing live because there's a freedom there. She said she has people she trusts to help her produce a song.
Howard said the next song they're going to perform is Trustfall. He said that he's not sure what she means by that but he thinks about trust fail. P!nk said it is hard out there and there is a feeling of anxiety out there. She said we're feeling like we're falling backwards. She said her thoughts are about that and that's where the Trustfall comes in. Howard had them perform the song.
After the song Howard said that's the title track from the album. He asked if guys fall for all the time. P!nk said not at all. she said it's mostly girls.
Howard said she wrote the theme song to Ellen Degeneres' show. He asked if she gets paid every time they play it. P!nk said she's not sure. She said she won an Emmy for it. She said she likes that. She said she has a lot of nominations but not a lot of Grammys. She said her kids make her tin foil Grammys when she doesn't win.
Howard said he knows she has to go but he could keep her there another 17 hours. He said the band was great. He gave them some plugs for the new album and the tour. Howard said he loves her. P!nk said this is so much less stressful than the first interview. She said that Howard pulled up some vomit pictures from a cab. Howard didn't remember doing that. Howard said he loved the Billy Joel Town Hall show she was in too.
Howard mentioned that she'll be out on tour with Brandi Carlile this summer. He said that will be great. He thanked everyone again and wrapped up the interview. Howard let them go.
Howard said it looks like Robin was crying. Robin said that she was so worked up from that song. She said it makes her cry. Howard said she can't go to the concert then because she'll be crying. Howard gave them more plugs and ended the show around 10:40am.