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Howard started the show talking about The Great American Nightmare and thanking Rob Zombie for that. He talked about how Rob's cat Mr. Zombie had died a couple of months ago.
Howard said he was just watching the funeral for the queen. Robin said she was too. Howard said he was watching the guys picking the box up and they had a crown on it. He said maybe it's glued to the coffin. He said they showed Prince Harry a lot and he likes that because he's the outcast. Robin said he stepped away from the family. Howard said he had some things to say about the whole thing. Howard said once he gets out of that pussy coma he's in with that wife he's going to realize he fucked up. He said they have so much. He said they have all kinds of property and wealth.
Howard said these MAGA people think they want a king but they have no idea what that would be like. He said we have laws here that we hold sacred here. He said the people who founded this country had this piece of paper that laid out how this was going to run. He said they came up with this thing so we don't have a king. He said the people have a say. He said in Russia now the oil industry guys are dying mysteriously. He said it's the autocrat killing them. He said people have not seen what happens when you give a guy ultimate power. He said they think if Trump is their king they can stop foreigners from coming here. Robin asked what they think these people are doing to them. Howard said they hate them and they think they're taking the jobs away. He said they're doing the jobs these people don't want to do.
Howard said these Trumpies have never experienced an Autocracy and think Putin is a strong leader. He said this guy can kill you if you disagree with him. He said it's the same thing in China. He said he's another maniac. He said they rule with an iron fist and you're fucked if you don't agree with them.
Howard said here we're able to have our own religions and have free speech and all of that. He said these people are willing to throw it away on this one guy. He said it's not a good time in this country.
Howard said he's watching this royalty with the king and the queen and all of that and he finds it repugnant. He said it's all a tourist trap. He said they keep showing Prince Harry and he could be doing anything he wants. He said he has such an opportunity to do something. He said King Charles hears that his son is throwing it all away he thinks his son is out of his mind. Howard did his impression of King Charles and talked more about what he saw during the funeral coverage.
Howard said they had this priest out there during the funeral. He said they had so many reverends too. He said this woman got up to speak and she's wearing a gigantic thing on her head. He said she's the secretary general of commonwealth of nations. Howard said he's been looking for answers after his father died and he was telling himself to listen to this woman. He said he wanted to hear what she had to say. He said he thought maybe she had something profound to say but he didn't hear anything. He said for the life of him he doesn't hear anything. He said he feels he's pretty educated but he can't figure this stuff out.
Howard played a clip of this woman at the funeral reading the bible. He said he has no idea what she's talking about. Robin explained that she was talking about Adam and how he blew it. Howard said Robin was always smarter than him. He said he had no idea what she was talking about. He did an impression of what he was hearing and it was just noise.
Howard said his dad's funeral was so much better. He said it was just a few people. He said Beth asked him what his take away was for this queen's funeral. She wanted to know what he wanted on his coffin. He said maybe a microphone. He said that he understands that the queen picked her own music for the funeral. He said they just stood around talking about his dad. He said no one knows what really happens. Robin said your body stays there and your soul ends up somewhere else.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Bill Shatner who said the woman at the funeral was speaking too fast. He did it at his speed and said that's the way to do it. Howard said now he understands it.
Howard said his mother changed when she got COVID. He said she has not been the same since. He said he was reading about long term COVID and how people who get it and had long term depression get it worse. He said she's a mess now. He said his weekend with her was awful. He said he feels bad for her. He said it's just terrible what's going on. He said he has to keep his health and not end up like this. He said everything he does backfires. He said they try to keep her happy but he thinks COVID activates the misery center in your brain.
Howard said he was trying to help his mom and figure some things out with her. He said her legs are blowing up. He said the doctor says that she's eating too much salt. He said they're going to put her on a diuretic. He said she has to pee a lot but her vagina is bothering her so he doesn't want her to have to pee so much. He said he's trying to figure out what she can eat. He said he wanted to make her some toast and she said she doesn't have a toaster but she does. He said he was going to make her some guacamole on an English muffin. He said he'd even put tomato on it for her. He said he offered to make her a few things. He said she can't remember what kind of cheese she likes so he has to pick that out for her because he remembers what she likes.
Howard said his mother thinks the food there at the home is horrible but he's had it and it's great. He said he was going out of his mind. He said he asked her what she would like for dinner. He said she told him she wanted some salmon. He said he got her some that night and her helper said it was awful. He said everything is awful. He said he threw his hands up in the air.
Howard said his mother had this TV that was tiny. He said she was blasting it so loud and he tried to get her something better. He said his mother was asking if he was doing the right thing. He said the helper told her he was.
Howard said he has this guy Matt who works for him and helps him with stuff like that. He asked Matt how long he's worked there. He got a note saying 15 years. Howard said he had Matt get his mother a new TV. He said it had to be simple. He said they gave her a big screen TV and its the same remote that she has had for a long time. He said he has this speaker right by her head. He said he asked her how she likes it. He said his mother was complaining they didn't leave any instructions even though it was the same remote. He said she didn't know what was happening and she said that she may get used to it but new things are difficult for her.
Howard said he told his mom to get her helper to work things out for her. He said she said no one knows how to work the TV. He said he heard her helper saying she knows how to work it. He said he asked his mom to turn the TV on. He said he just wanted to show her that she can do it. He said she tried doing it. He was doing his impression of her talking about all of this. He said it's just so maddening.
Howard played some audio of the show Tattletales on in the background. He was trying to talk to her over the TV. He said he asked her to change the channel to see if she can do it. He said she told him she can't do it. Howard said she gets it. He asked her to turn it off.
Howard said she did it. He said his mother said she doesn't think so. She asked for help from his helpers. Howard said he could send Matt and Jeff over but she just did it.
Howard said this is his day. Robin said it sounds like the helpers are there and he asked what the problem is. He said he can't send Matt and Jeff over there every time. He said it's the same remote but the volume for the speaker is right next to her head. He said he has to get out of this whole situation. He said Beth says maybe he shouldn't spring into action every time.
Howard said he knows his mother can barely see so he tried to help her out by getting her a bigger one. He said she was near the TV. He said now it's further away from her. He said he's trying to improve her life. He said he was thinking of sending Matt and Jeff over. He said he's not sure what they can do. He said he could go over and teach her too. He said he's no sure why it's so difficult.
Howard said his mom called his daughter Ashley about the TV. He said Ashley called and said that grandma called her about the TV and she's upset about it. Howard said the TV isn't new but she thinks it's new. He said it's the same remote. He said he's not sure what he can do for her.
Howard said they think this is the long term COVID. He said he's miserable every day. He said he can't get things done. He said he has done everything right but somehow it's wrong.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his mom went through something like this and she fell into a dementia thing about 6 months ago. He said it resonates with him. Howard said his mom is very with it and she doesn't have dementia. He said anything new she freaks out about. He said that he kept the TV the same for his mom. He said it's the same remote control. The caller said he gets it but it's not working the same in their head. Howard said he has his own problems so enough with this guy's mom.
Howard said he got into bed last night and he was watching She Hulk waiting for Beth to come in. He said it's quick episodes. Robin said she may have to give that show another shot. Howard said he passed right out. He said he woke up and he was so exhausted. He said that Beth said he was screaming in his sleep that he was going to kill someone. He said she must have been scared. He said he told Beth he has a long list of people who are way before her. He said he had some whacked out dream about the barbed wire fence getting caught on his balls. He said everything is fun.
Howard said running for president wasn't going that well. He said when he announced it they made the news. He read some feedback and played some clips from the news. He had a clip from Newsmax where they discussed his run. They had a guy on who was explaining how it would work out for him. They had a guy on who was talking about Howard wanting to get rid of the electoral college and how that doesn't mean that democrats would win.
Howard said on a Washington DC FOX show they debated if he should run or not. He played a clip of a couple of women talking about his announcement. One woman said she loves Howard and of course he should run. The two women were going back and forth about Howard's run.
Howard said he loves women fighting over him. He played more clips from TMZ talking about his possible run and they were being very positive about it. Howard said if Trump did anything in this country he showed that anyone can win. He said that he's a big idiot so vote for him. He said TMZ knows that the ladies will vote for Bradley Cooper and the maniacs will vote for him.
Howard played a clip of a report about how Bradley Cooper being his running mate. They were saying that Brad would be the first Sexiest Man Alive to be in office.
Howard said Sherri Shepherd was against him. He played a clip of her talking about him on some show called Dish Nation. Howard said he'd be the first Best Hair winner in office if he was elected.
Howard said some people on ET Canada were against him running too. He played a clip from that show. They were saying that no one is voting for him. Robin said they're in Canada.
Howard said Beth got a call from Rosanna Scotto who asked if he was really running and she told her that's not a real thing. Rosanna said that she has better things to do anyway. She announced that on her news program. Howard said he's not going to run. He said the thing went horribly anyway. He said they did a street poll and found out it wasn't a good idea. He said this first woman thought it was a great idea though. He played a clip and this woman was open to his agenda at first. The woman was with him on a few things but then she kind of turned when they asked if she was the thought of blowing up the moon to control the oceans and women's menstrual cycles.
Howard said they talked to a group of construction workers. He said he thought they'd be with him. He said two were with him but the third was going with someone else. Howard played the clip and the two guys said they were with Howard but then the third guy said no because he's a clown. He said he's going with Louis Farrakhan. They convinced that guy to go with Howard after mentioning the moon thing.
Howard said they talked to a guy handing out Jesus pamphlets and he did not have anything good to say. Howard played the clip and the guy said that Howard is too old and too ugly and he has a small penis so no. He went with Howard when he heard about the Bradley Cooper thing. Then he said he'd rather have Trump and Howard run together because they're both Jewish. He thinks Trump is secretly Jewish.
Robin said these are the voters. Howard said that's why he wants nothing to do with it. He said he made some campaign commercials. He played some examples of those commercials. They were a goof using clips of Howard on the show talking about how he never looked at the Jennifer Lawrence leaked pictures. Robin said that's going down a slippery slope. She said that they would find that he looked at a lot of pictures that were not authorized. Howard said maybe.
Howard said then he played up his military service in Vietnam. He played another fake commercial where they had Howard talking about his service that he never actually served.
Howard said that tested very well too. He said it was off the charts. Robins said they're going for stolen valor too. Howard said he's going to do whatever he has to do to win.
Howard said Jon Hamm will be here today. He said he's coming in around 9. He said he's in the new Fletch. He said they're airing the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert on Howard 101 on Friday. He said tomorrow Imagine Dragons will be in to do a couple of tunes.
Howard said he talked to Robin over the weekend. Robin said he was painting and took a break. Howard said he was painting. He said he was working on the Drew Barrymore dating game too. He said he's selected 3 guys already and he needs to find a fourth. He said he wants something to work out so the can say she met a man on the Howard Stern Show. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he was watching Brian Johnson from AC/DC performing at the Tribute to Taylor Hawkins. He said that was a great concert. He said the had a ton of people at Wembley Stadium for that. He said Brian was there with Lars from Metallica. He said he played drums and Brian was singing. He said it was a beautiful moment. He said members from Queen were there too. He said it was just a good concert. He said he was watching it and rockin' out.
Howard said listen up to this. He said something horrible is about to happen on the show. He played a promo for the most depraved phony phone call of all time. They had Flirty Gary as Fisty Gary. They had him calling a fister.
Howard said they have never done a two part phony phone call but they're going to spread it over two days. He said it's so disgusting they may need a whole week to recover from it. He said this is Fisty Gary. He said it's so disgusting and vile that you'll need a day to recover at least.
Howard said you will almost vomit in your car from this. He said that it's two hard core fisters going at it and you'd better prepare yourself. Robin asked if it's safe to drive during this. Howard said you will have to pull over. He said call in sick now because you will be sick after hearing this tomorrow. He played another preview clip and warned people not to eat anything for 4 hours before listening to it.
Robin asked if there are people who fist over the phone. Howard said she'll have to listen to it tomorrow. He said they're going to take gross to the next level.
Howard said they once had Flirty Gary call Bigfoot's girlfriend trying to seduce her. He played a clip from that call.
Howard said no one can resist Flirty G and tomorrow Fisty G. He said they're calling it the grossest call ever. He said you've been warned. He said it's outrageous.
Howard said he was speaking to Gary during the break and he can't get enough of this royal funeral either. He said it's so weird. He said Gary pointed out to him that the entire royal family is there. He said even Prince Andrew is there. He said they pushed Meghan Markle and Prince Harry to the second row. Gary said he was with the second tier royals back there. He said Prince William's kids took up the front row. Robin said this isn't the first time he's been demoted. She said he kept dropping down when William started having kids. She said they are the next in line for the crown.
Gary said he was reading about how Harry was in the military and he can't wear his uniform everywhere. He said he's limited to where he can and can't wear it. Howard said the queen loved Andrew the most but he fucked up some stuff and now he's caring for the queen's dogs. Howard said he'll be okay as long as those dogs are alive. He said he's kind of like Fredo in The Godfather. Robin said she heard he wanted a house but William and Kate moved into that house. They don't care what he has to say.
Gary said he read that Harry and Meghan inhered some house somewhere when the queen died. Robin said the queen didn't hate them. She said that she kept Andrew around so she's not as mean as some may think. Howard asked when Harry is going to wake up and realize he fucked up. Robin said she doesn't know.
Howard said if you're born into royalty then just go with it. He said he doesn't get why Harry did what he did. He said he'd just do his thing and who gives a shit about your privacy.
Howard told Gary it wasn't Harry who got that house inheritance. He said that dude isn't getting anything.
Howard said the King Charles can't get a job anywhere else. He said he's only going to be able to be king. He said its the same with the kids. He said that's what's going on over there.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Michael Caine. He said he knows the pecking order over there. He said he has a list to read. Howard asked what the line of succession is. Fake Caine went through the list and told Howard what's going to happen over there. Howard bailed on that bit pretty quick.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to know what he thinks about the funeral and how Biden was invited but no other presidents were. She said they're trying to be rude to Trump because he's an asswipe. Howard said they should be able to invite whoever they want to. The caller said the queen loved Obama and Clinton and even Bush. She said Trump was such an asshole that they didn't invite anyone else. Howard said they should have invited everyone but Trump. Robin said they don't do that kind of thing. She said it's not diplomatic among allies.
Howard said who cares about Trump. He said he can't get news anymore. He said it's all about Trump. He said he's not sure what's going on. He said he's giving up and he's out of it at this point. He said he may have to move. He said he loves this country and free elections and the constitution. He said he loves democracy and anyone who isn't for it he's not for.
Howard said he loves this country. He said he doesn't like people who don't appreciate what we have. He said there are things that aren't perfect. He said you have to live with it. He said this is why so many immigrants want to come here. He said the whole thing is strange to him.
Mariann mentioned something about Jim from Raleigh and Howard said he has no idea who that is. Mariann said that he knows who he is. She insisted he does.
Mariann brought up Dancing with the Stars and how they're going to start streaming it instead of airing it on TV. Howard said he's done with the show then. He said he's got something wrong with him if he starts streaming that show. He spent a minute talking about the show.
Howard said he likes watching that show because he likes to see the women in tittie outfits and dresses. He said if it's streaming maybe they won't cover things up like nip slips and things. Robin said it is on Disney so c'mon. Howard said that's true.
Howard read about who is going to be on Dancing with the Stars this season. He said Arnold Schwarzenegger's son is on it. He said Selma Blair, Wayne Brady, Sam Champion and others are on. Howard said Sam had it made. He said he was the weather man there in New York on ABC. He said he somehow left for the Weather channel thinking that was going to work out. He said he thinks they had him on and he told him that's great but he should have stuck around in New York. Robin said now he's dancing on streaming. Howard said poor Sam Champion. Robin said he is back on in the local news. Howard said he had no idea.
Howard read more of the list of contestants on Dancing with the Stars. He mentioned Teresa Guidice, Cheryl Ladd and Jordan Sparks. Howard said he'll be watching for Gabby Windy.
Fred played some Blue Iris clips playing the part of Cheryl Ladd talking to Howard.
Howard said he saw Beth walking ahead of him and he took the pen out and she stopped talking to him. He said she gets so angry with him. He said she goes berserk over it. He said he's going to carry it though. He said he's like David Hasselhoff ready to save lives. Howard said he imagines that he saves someone's life with that EpiPen while they're out walking. Robin asked if he watched a video about how to administer it. Howard said he hasn't but he thinks he knows how to do it. He said he will watch a video. He asked how hard it can be to use it. He said any idiot can use it. He said he thinks you just hold it on the thigh and it injects itself. Robin said he has to figure that out. Howard said he will.
Howard said a lot of fans wrote in so he's going to talk about that. He read some feedback they got about last week's shows. He said people think he has an amazing taste in music. He read some of that mail. He said that the band A Short Walk to Pluto wrote in and thanked him for mentioning them.
Howard said people think they know his musical taste but they really don't. He read some of that feedback. He said someone wrote in about how he should listen to Thunder Pussy. He said he's really not into that. He said no offense to them but he has very specific taste in music. He played one of their songs and said that's not his thing. He said don't send him music that he's supposed to listen to. He said you like that then you listen to it.
Howard said someone sent in a cover of the John Lennon song ''Jealous Guy'' and he tried listening to that. He said he got stuck listening to it. He said it's very good and terrific. He said it's very nice. He said he doesn't want to put the band down. He said he just doesn't want to hear your music. He said he likes what he likes and that's that.
Howard said he listens to a lot of this stuff and it takes up a lot of his day. He said he really should take a break and get to Jon Hamm. He said there was a lot more in the mail. He said people wrote in about Gary taking his vacation and things like that.
Howard said a lot of people went and looked at the NFL team hats and they do look like they have jizz on them. Robin said Al Michaels is doing his thing on the Amazon football thing. She said a lot of people are having a hard time finding their Thursday night football.
Howard said a lot of people wrote in about the standing ovations at the films in France. Howard read some feedback about that. Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn did a 17 minute long ovation. He played a clip of that. Mariann was singing and clapping and he said she never lost steam doing that. Howard said Mariann did that for 17 minutes so god bless her. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and talked about what a good band the Black Crows was. He said Chris Robinson was so good. He spent a little more time talking about the song and the band.
Howard said Jon Hamm is with them this morning. He said that's Robin's boyfriend. Robin asked if Jon knows that. Howard said Jon knows. He said he's a great actor. He said he loves show business. Robin told Howard to be quiet because she's trying to take him in.
Howard asked Jon how tough it is to get an acting career. He said Jon was going to call it quits many times before he got Mad Men. Jon said he was. He said he went to Los Angeles at 25 and he gave himself 5 years to get something. He said if he wasn't doing what he wanted to do by the age of 30 maybe it was time to find something else to do. He said he turned 30 on the set of the first feature film he was doing.
Howard said when you start out it's a one in a billion shot. He said you see your friends getting jobs and doing things and you wonder what you're doing. He said his friend Lou was a doctor and had his own house when he was making 96 dollars a week.
Jon said it is a long shot and he has always been the opposite of what was happening. He said his friends were on the other side of what he was doing. He said his friends were making money and he was on the wrong side of everything.
Howard asked if Jon was going to go back to teaching if the acting thing didn't work out. Jon said he really enjoyed that job and he had great students. He said he was asked to come back and he did think about going back. He said he could see that happening. He said it could be a career for him. He said he would have felt he would have missed out on an opportunity if he hadn't moved west.
Howard asked if part of that acting thing had to do with his looks too. He said he was first cast on Ally McBeal as ''gorgeous guy at the bar.'' He asked when he knew he had this gift of being a handsome dude. Jon said he doesn't know. He said he really doesn't know. He said growing up he was raised by a single mom. He said then he was raised by the community. He said that he was trying to fit in and achieving things. He said by the time he got into acting he was in college. He said he got a scholarship to do it. He said he had no fear of doing it and he knew he could do that. He said he saw it as something he enjoyed. He said being good looking is subjective too. He said that he never had a sense of that. Howard said he went in for that role and no one looked at him.
Howard said he thinks he had a horrible childhood. He said he wants to know how he got over it. He said he's still living his own childhood. Howard said his parents were divorced when Jon was 2 years old. He said his mom raised him until he was 10 and then she dies. He said that's the biggest tragedy. He said that his own mother had a terrible childhood. He said he cries when he hears about her childhood. Howard asked if Jon remembers his mom. Jon said for sure. He said vividly too. He said that he would have vivid dreams about his mom. He said when he went to college and moved to L.A. He would manifest this memory of his mom and she'd comfort him. He said he's still trying to unpack the whole thing. He said it's this real blockage in your emotional life.
Howard said his mom is 94 and they talk about her life and how horrible her childhood was. He said her father didn't know how to take care of her and pushed her out the door. He said she's never talked to anyone about it. He asked her to talk to him about it and she won't do that. He said he can't imagine the pain. He said Jon's father took him in and he didn't know how to talk to him about what happened to his mother. Jon said it's generational. He said his mom died from a very aggressive cancer in the early 80s. He said it's tough. He said he's had 4 and a half colonoscopies himself. He said don't ask about the half. He said he has made sure that won't happen to him. He said it's preventable.
Jon said he watched his mom wither away over the course of a month and a half. He said no one said anything to him about it. He said it was different generations. He said they never talked about anything difficult. He said that's what you did or didn't do in that case. He said he was given a book about what to do when a parent dies and he did read it but it wasn't very helpful. Howard said it's weird to him that they didn't talk to him. He said that would be weird to him if his father didn't talk to him about his mother dying. Jon said his father just didn't have the tools to do that. He said he does wish he had someone in his life that could ease that pain. He said the pain just festers and becomes a larger thing.
Howard asked Jon if he was smart enough to find someone to mother him or mentor him like a father. Jon said he found replacement parents. He said they were teachers and people like that. He said that he had friend's parents who stepped up in a real way to help. Howard asked if his friends got jealous that they were kind to him. Jon said not that he knows of. He said he doesn't' think they paid more attention to him. He said on several occasions they stepped in and helped him out with things financially and things like that. He said that's the trite saying ''It takes a village.'' He said that's why he believes in giving back. He said he wouldn't be where he is without the help of others.
Howard asked about his step mother. Jon said his mom was his dad's second one. Howard asked if his dad remarried. Jon said he never did. He said his first wife died suddenly too. He said his half sisters lost their mother early too. He said she basically just dropped dead.
Howard asked Jon about going to private school and his mother was the one who wanted him to go and she saved up some money just for him to do that. Jon said he has a woman he calls Aunt Nancy and his mother heard about this school John Burrows school and that's where she wanted him to go. He said he grew up knowing that he had to get a good education. Howard said it sounds like his mom was a great woman. Jon said she was. He said this was in the late 70s. He said even the idea of being divorced was out of the ordinary. He said he doesn't think he met another kid with a single mom until he was in 9th grade. He said what was normal for him was abnormal for society.
Howard asked how good he was at sports. Jon said he was good until high school. He said he played baseball, football and he was a swimmer. He said he used that to get rid of the extra energy he had as a kid.
Howard said he must have had a good high school experience. He said he was good looking and he was a good student and he played sports. He said he must have been popular. Jon said he was fairly popular. He said he remembers going through the thing with the year book and he had an asterisk next to his name. He said it turns out he had graduated with honors and he had no idea.
Jon said that was just high school and he knew he had more to do. He said he didn't want to be the kid who peaked in high school.
Jon said he remembers driving out to L.A. in his old Toyota that would overheat. He said that he had to drive with the heat on. He said that he got to L.A. after sitting in a lot of traffic. He said he figured out that it was way bigger than he thought it was when he got there. He said he was given this map that was like a phone book. He said it was called the Thomas Guide. He said the book was like a phone book. He said he was overwhelmed by the scale of it. He said breaking into the business he had no connection to was going to be tough.
Howard asked how he knew what to do when he got there. Jon said he had some friends out there who were doing jobs and gigs. He said they were just kind of surviving. He said Paul Rudd was a guy he knew from the midwest and he was out there doing his thing. Howard asked if they were trying to get the same girl or something like that. Jon told a story about Paul being really cool in 1988 and he knew him from going to the same college. He said that he came to L.A. and he went to hang out with Paul who had just done Clueless and he was on his way. He said that Paul was totally cool with him and he said to him that he wasn't going to blow his spot but he needed just one number to get someone to help him. He said that he gave him his first manager's number and he got to sit in a room with that guy for 3 hours. He said that he ended up getting an agent out of that. He said he went on a million auditions and didn't get any of those jobs.
Howard asked what was going on that didn't work for him. Jon said he read Steve Martin's book about auditioning and how horrible it is. Jon said that he read about Renee Zellwegger going in for parts and she had a tough time. He said she had one bad audition and that could lose the job. He said it's so easy for the powers that be to turn you down. He said he auditioned for big movies and TV shows and didn't get them. He said Jon Favreau beat him out for a role. He said he beat him out for Deep Impact. Howard said no offense to Jon Favreau but that's something.
Howard said he knows Paul Rudd a little bit but that guy seems very generous. He said he's not sure he'd help out a good looking guy like Jon. Jon said Paul has been like that as long as he's known him. He said he's just a good guy. He said they've known each other for like 30 years. He said they visit each other now and they've been good friends for some time. He said it's a hard enough thing to do and doing it alone is ridiculous.
Howard said Paul told a great story about being a DJ and told a story about how he had to lap dance a 13 year old and he bailed on that. Jon said he and Joe Buck are friends with Paul and they went to one of his gigs. He said they were at a bar mitzvah. He said they were jealous of that job too because it was a good paying gig. Howard said he's surprised he didn't try his hand at that. Jon said that would not have gone well. He said he would have just played classic rock.
Howard said it's interesting that all three of them made something of their lives. Jon said it is a weird cluster of success. He said that Joe was doing stuff when he was very young. Howard said he was going to college and there were guys dropping out early after getting jobs in the news. He said he thought he had zero talent. He said it was all just so crazy. He said he's shocked that he stuck with it. Jon said that he knew what he wanted to do and what he loved. He said you have to have that ethic to go to work every day. He said it's wasted if you don't have that. Jon said Howard has been doing this the last 40 years.
Howard said Jon was going out and auditioning a lot and he got more and more relaxed doing it. He said he got a job as a set dresser on a soft core porn film. He said he remembers running into a guy who was a film editor who was doing porn. He said he thought about getting into a job like that. He said his parents said no fucking way. He said at least you're on a set and in show business. He said he understands that. Jon said it was for sure show business adjacent. Howard asked if that helped him think about getting on set. Jon said he doesn't know about that. He said this woman got him into that job. He said she's in the business now and out of the soft core stuff. He said he and some friends were hanging around talking about what to do and they heard about this job set dressing for the soft core thing. He said that he was willing to do it for $100 a day. He said that was big money for him. Jon said he was told to show up the following Monday and he was given a bucket with a camera and the tools he needed for the job. He said he had no idea what he was supposed to do. He said a set dresser has to make the set look right and make sure everything is in the right spot. Howard said that's an important job. Jon said it is. He said they worked 12 hours a day and got paid in cash. He said they started at 7 in the morning and worked until 7 at night. He said he didn't do it for long but he did it. He said it was soul crushing. He said he did it for 3 or 4 weeks. Jon said he knew he didn't want to do that for a living.
Howard said he's surprised they didn't ask Jon to be in the porn movies. Jon said they never did. He said he doesn't even remember what the films were called. He said he's never seen one of them. He said he's not sure if they ever saw the light of day. He said they're not on his IMDB page.
Howard asked when he first got a job in the business. Jon said he was on Providence as a regular. He said he was cast as a guest star. He said he had one shot as a bartender. He said there was a lot going on there. He said he was over the moon with that job. He said he had one day of work. He said he made more that one day than he did in the previous couple of years. He said he got a call after doing that show and his agent told him they wanted him to come back to do another episode. He said he was asking if he'd get paid for that. He said they said yes. He said then he found out they wanted him for 6 episodes. He said that was amazing for him. He said he did that and they made the character a love interest for a character on the show and that was his first gig really. He said he was shooting on Universal Studios. He said he remembers going on the tram ride when he was 9 with his mom and that was like a full circle kind of moment for him.
Howard asked if his father lived long enough to seem him make it. Jon said no. He said his father had died when he was 20. He said he had his aunt and grandparents to see his success. He said his sisters and the women out there who were like a mom to him growing up. He said it was nice. He said it felt real to him too and that's all you want. He said it's a nice check in.
Howard said he remembers seeing how no one wanted Jon to do Mad Men because he wasn't a known name. He said it wasn't so easy to get that gig. Jon said that he started at the very bottom and he wasn't even on the list. He said he remembers the first audition for the casting director. He said it was at an advertising agency in Santa Monica. He said he had to go there from L.A. and it as tough to get there. He said he was sitting next to a 15 year old kid waiting. He said he got there and the kid asked if he was there for the toothpaste commercial. He said he thought that maybe he could do that too though.
Howard said he wasn't thinking this was going to be a big break. Jon said he did like the script very much. He said he thought that was a good story. He said he really wanted it but he was at the bottom of the list. Howard said it was almost like an open call kind of thing. Jon said pretty much.
Howard said he was doing some impression of his father in some way. He said he understands that because he would do an impression of his father at parties when he was doing an older man. He said he would use his father's voice to open up. Jon said his dad had the gift of gab for sure. He said he was a salesman and he had a million different jobs. He said he had a real sadness in his life after losing two wives. He said he was at the end of his generation and there was a lot of unfulfilled sadness there.
Howard said when he went in for the second and third auditions he must have thought about who else was up for this thing. Jon said there was a sign in sheet there. He said that the only name he remembers from those sign in sheets was Josh Molina who may not have had a great shot at it but it would have been a great choice. He said he's not sure he got a call back.
Howard said he was so great in that role. He said he was doing that during the years of Breaking Bad. He said he must hate Bryan Cranston because he lost out to him for the Emmy. He said he did what he had to do to campaign for the thing and then he'd lose out to it. He asked if that was annoying to him. He said he did win eventually so he's fine with it. He said that Bryan was a lot like him when he started out. He said he finally gets this career defining role kind of like he did. He said he considers Bryan a dear friend. He said they both went through it. He said he and Bryan had a photo shoot for AMC when they were doing their shows. He said they Mad Men was a hit and Breaking Bad wasn't a big hit yet. He said they're doing this photo shoot and Bryan is in his tighty whities and a chemistry apron. He said Bryan looked at him and said he thinks he got the wrong end of this deal.
Howard said it's unbelievable how much attention the show got. He said that the must have signed him to a shitty contract. He said that they all think he's making big money doing the show. He said they signed him to a 5 year deal or something. Jon said he was making less money on that show than he did on Providence as a gust star. He said for basic cable it wasn't very good. He said they did sign better contracts by season 3. He said it was still hard work though. He said he was working 5 days a week and it was a tough schedule. He said it's a lot of work doing an hour long drama. Howard said the work is remembering the lines and all of that. Jon said there is a lot of words and the preparation is a big part of it. He said there's a lot to pack into it.
Howard asked how you negotiate the bad contract. Jon said they understood what it was about and he never had to threaten to leave or anything. He said they knew that it was time to thank this guy for what they had done. He said it's not like negotiating for rugs in Morocco.
Howard said you almost want to say that you want to get paid for what you did the three years previously. Jon said that he was an actor in 1995 making $2,400 a year. He said if you amortize it over time it comes out to be a normal salary.
Howard asked if he finds it hard to be thrown on a hit TV show. Jon said it is a reality check. He said your reality shifts. He said everything normal is different. He said all the rules are bending to accommodate what you want. He said that happens even if you don't want it to. He said it's a weird reality check. Jon said that Ben Stiller said something about anyone who gets famous goes crazy for 5-10 years. He said reality doesn't make sense.
Howard said when you're acting it can be pretty mind blowing. Robin said there's a lot of scrutiny too. She said everyone wants to know where you are. Jon said that part is a weird adjustment. He said that people are taking your picture out in public and there are three grown men behind a bush taking pictures. He said he's just out walking the dog or something and that's happening.
Howard said Jon is sober now, right. Jon said he was for some time. He said he went into rehab for a while. He said that he had to pump the brakes. He said that was not easy to do.
Howard asked Jon if he gets super into his characters and takes it home. Jon said it was tough to play the role on Mad Men. He said it was a tough day job. He said he never went home thinking he was Don Draper though. He said he does understand people who do that though.
Howard said Jon did win an Emmy. Jon said he has one that he has on display on a shelf that Nick Offerman built for him. Howard asked if he shows the women he has over that Emmy. Jon said that it is visible from many areas of the house. He said it's different than the Oscar. He said it's a cool looking award.
Howard said Jon has hosted Saturday Night Live a few times now. Jon said he has. He said the first time he did it he remembers Amy Poehler not being there because she had her baby around that time. He said the love aspect of the whole thing was pretty wild. He said they had to change the whole show around based on Amy having her baby. He said they just go with it over there. Howard said actors are usually prepared for their roles so that must throw it off. Jon said they were doing dress rehearsal and he was getting ready to go through the door and he was terrified. He said he heard the band playing and the stage manager is screaming. He said Don Pardo was reading his name. He said he realized in that moment that this is a roller coaster and he just has to not fall out and he'll be fine. He said he was just going to enjoy the ride. He said he was having this moment and they had to shove him out on stage. He said he missed his cue because he was thinking about this roller coaster thing. He said the rest is history. He said he had the best time doing the show. He said he enjoyed the chaos.
Howard said he could have had a disaster there if he didn't think like that. Jon said you have to do that. He said you have to trust what they do over there. He said Jason Bateman told him to just go there and be their guest. He said they've been doing it for 40 some years and you're going to have a good time. He said that you're not going to rework the how. He said Lorne Michaels knows what he's doing. Howard said he was one of those assholes who tried to tell Lorne how to run his show. He said that didn't work out.
Howard asked Jon if he was worried about the ratings. Jon said that was out of his control. He said he didn't worry about it. He said this was back in 2009. He said that Mad Men wasn't a ratings thing either. He said he wasn't worried about the ratings. He said they used to call with the ratings but now you get them immediately on the internet.
Howard said he was always worried about the ratings. He said he had to keep people listening.
Howard asked Jon if they told him on Mad Men that he had to wear underwear because his penis is so large. Jon said he has always worn underwear. He said he was never told he had to. He said he loves a comfy boxer-brief. Howard said he's proud of him. Jon said he loves a breathable cotton. Howard said that stuff is nonsense then.
Howard said Jon's face is beautiful. He said he compares him to his wife. He said his wife is beautiful so she gets free things. He said she has no concept that it's not the same for people like him. He said he has to pay double so she can get free ice cream.
Howard asked Jon if he lives a charmed life like that. He said he can name 50 women who want to fuck his brains out now. Jon said that's the gist of the character that he played on 30 Rock. He said he's in the bubble. He said he's not being humble but he has not had that experience. He said he doesn't walk in and get free stuff. He said part of it is that he doesn't carry himself that way. He said he has worked in restaurants and things like that and he has people come up and thank him for being there but that's whatever.
Howard asked if he ever had women reject him before he was famous. Jon said he was on a dating show that he didn't get picked for. Howard said if that woman saw him she would have picked him. Howard said he thought he looked good back then. Jon said he had a particular hair style. Howard said it looked good to him.
Howard said he must not have worried about getting women. Jon said if course he did. He said he has pined away for women. He said he read a book about the human brain and how all of those feelings you have are why you write shitty poems and stuff. He said that's why the Beatles were able to write great songs at 25 years old. He said that's what you are when you're that open. He said there are people he has lost and loved. He said that's being human. He said it's not augmented because you're a good looking human. He said it's luck and good fortune.
Howard said he had a friend who was a good looking dude. He said his friend would hook up and none of the girls would even look at him. He said he figured that's what it must have been like for Jon. He said he wanted to be a good looking guy. He said he wants to know the reality of that. Jon said Howard is self deprecating. Howard said he looks like a monster so of course he does. Jon said Howard is a good looking guy and he has Brian May hair.
Howard said he has to talk about this Fletch. He said he's bringing back the movies. He asked if he was a fan of the Chevy Chase movies. Jon said he did. He said this wasn't his idea to bring it back. He said this has been kicking around for years. He said it's been kicking around since he got out to L.A. Jon said it never worked out before. He said he's not sure what the reasons were. He said a couple years ago this guy Bill Block at MiraMax had the idea to do this. He said there were 10 books written about Fletch that they had the rights to. He said he was asked to do the reboot. He said he didn't want to get into a funny contest with Chevy Chase. He said that he's a huge fan of the books. He said he read them as a teenager. He said he roared with laughter when they saw the Fletch movie. He said they wanted to go back and see the movie again right after seeing it. Jon said he saw it was based on a book so he stole the books because he couldn't afford them.
Howard asked if he was good at stealing. Jon said he wasn't. He said his mom caught him and got upset with him. He said she was good at getting him not to do that kind of thing.
Howard asked about getting the Fletch movie made and how he must have said yes and it got green lit. Jon said not quite. He said it took more than that. He said they had to figure out what it would cost and figure out how to make it happen. He said they had to do the budget and all of that. He said they were going to take the movie out to get it made and no one wanted to do it. Howard asked why he thinks that is. Jon said he really doesn't know. He said they may have not wanted to step on Chevy's toes or something. He said it's the fear of the unknown. He said this is the world we live in. He said that's great. He said it's wonderful to have all of the stories from all colors of the rainbow but they heard that maybe they didn't want to hear the story of the 40 year old white guy. He said they made the film independently and then Paramount came in afterward and picked it up.
Howard asked if Fletch is a genius that acts idiotic or is he an idiot who has moments of genius. Jon said he doesn't think he's a genius at all. He said he's a guy who is comfortable in his own skin. He said he's a good listener and observer. He said what they had fun with is how they had him play the part. Howard said it's an interesting thing. He said he thought that he was like Colombo in his mind. He said he was kind of fumbling through life and then he's brilliant.
Jon said there's a moment in the Chevy film where he thinks he has the whole thing solved and then he realizes that he's totally wrong.
Howard said the movie is in theaters and on Video On Demand. Jon said it's like Prime Video On Demand. Howard said he must want people to see it in theaters. Jon said sure. He said he's in another film that came out this summer that got people back in theaters. He said people forgot how fun it is to go to the movies. He said Top Gun got people back out to have that fun in the theaters.
Howard said he can order it at home though so is theater dead. Jon said he doesn't think so. He said he saw Elvis in the theater. He said it was fun to see it that way. He said you see it with people you don't know. He said you're sharing it with people you don't know and it's engaging. He said it's a universal experience when you do that.
Howard asked Jon how he got offered the role in Top Gun. Jon said he met Tom Cruise over at Jimmy Kimmel's house for the first time. He said they were watching football over there. He said that it was when Jimmy first started his show. He said that there was a rumor that Tom was going to stop by that day. He said he didn't think there was any way that was going to happen. He said Jimmy is a big prankster and you're a fool if you think it's going to happen. He said then the doorbell rings and it is Tom Cruise. He said it wasn't an impersonator. He said it was Tom with his mom showing up to watch football. He said they were all having an out of body experience with this. He said that's how he met Tom. He said he got to say 5 words to him. He said Tom had seen Mad Men. He said he told him that he loved that show in his very intense way.
Jon said about 10 years later he's driving down the road and his phone rings. He said it was his agent asking him to be in the Top Gun sequel. He said he just said yes. He said he didn't care about the money or anything. He said the answer is yes no matter what. He said he was being asked to do something huge. He said Top Gun was one of his favorite movies of all time. He said he was going to do all of his scenes with Tom Cruise. He said he figured it would be a big hit and it was.
Howard asked if Jon is digging being 50. Jon said very much so. Howard asked if he's comfortable in his own skin. Jon said yes. He said he finally got to a place where he doesn't sweat it on set anymore. He said he knows what he's doing and he knows if he sucks he can do a second take. He said that he had a moment where he knew it didn't matter that much and there is a second take if he needs it. He said he doesn't beat himself up over anything.
Howard said to be a great actor you have to be relaxed. Howard said it's like being on radio and just forgetting that you're on radio. He said it takes a long time to get there. Jon said he's been doing it since he was 29 and that's almost half his life. He said it's more than half his working life. He said it's a great place to be. He said it feels good to be 50.
Howard said people should be hiring him to do jobs now. He said he's at his peak. Jon said he's had some good years. He said when the world went sideways he had a pretty good pandemic. He said he made a movie and made Fletch. He said he got to work and work on himself too. Howard said this is unbelievable.
Howard asked Jon if he could commit to one woman. Jon said yes. He said he has never been married but he could do that. He said he's very settled and comfortable now. He said he has a relationship now, sorry Robin. He said it's comfortable and it's a feeling about taking care of someone else and being taken care of. He said he has been working on himself and unpacking his trauma. He said you realize losing your mother so early that it creates a wound that blocks emotional accessibility. He said it's only been in the past couple of years that he's been thinking about that stuff. He said that's made his relationship more meaningful. He said it's opened up the idea of marriage and having kids.
Howard asked if he's doing psychotherapy. Jon said he is. He said you get out what you put in. He said when you sit with it and that's what he does. He said that he's looking at other intense forms of trauma therapy. He said that he looks into his buried trauma and that radiates throughout your whole being. He said it doesn't get better by itself. He said you have to work it out. He said talking about things was and remains difficult for him. He said he can talk his way around things but it's tricky to get into it for a million reasons. He said it's a lot of stuff. Jon said he found that people have a relationship with trauma and it's helpful for them to hear about it. He said it normalizes the fact that you can get better and better yourself.
Howard wondered why they're so ashamed to talk about shit and work on it. He said he doesn't get it. Jon said that the Marlboro man didn't seem to be a happy guy. He said he rode off and got cancer.
Howard asked if Jon ever got to talk to his dad and got deep with him. Jon said one of the biggest regrets in his life is that he never had an adult conversation with either one of his parents. He said that his dad slipped away pretty quick. He said his mom died when he was so young so he never had that chance. He said he only knows about his parents from stories he hears from people who knew them. He said you can't go back to the past but he wishes he could have asked his mom and dad a million different things. He said he remembers his mom living paycheck to paycheck but he loved his life. He said it was normal. He said he knew that he was loved and taken care of. He said that he didn't know it was going to go away until it did. He said that was the kind of thing he talks about in therapy a lot.
Howard said he read that he's going to be doing that Morning Show with Jennifer Aniston. He said that will test his relationship if she comes on to him. Jon said he has known Jen for years. He said that he met her at the premiere of her film the Object of My Affection with Paul Rudd. He said he has known her since then. He said she's very kind. Howard asked if he'll bring his girlfriend to meet Jennifer. Jon said he just had Ana there at Jennifer's house the other night.
Howard said the movie is Fletch. He summed up what Jon was saying today in there. He said that his life isn't perfect. Robin said he is perfect. Howard said he hit all the marks. Robin said she understands with Superman. She said that he's sitting there in glasses and he took them off at one point and he was like a different person. She said thank goodness he put them back on.
Howard asked Jon what time they ate dinner. Jon said it was around 8. He said it wasn't fancy. He said he had a Mexican salad kind of thing.
Howard asked who was at the dinner. Jon said they had Sean Hayes, Jason Bateman, Tig Notaro, Dan Bukatinski, Will Arnett and others. He said the had a nice dinner.
Howard asked if Jon about Real Housewives and if he watches that stuff. Jon said he does but he put it off for years. Jon said he started with the Real Housewives of New Jersey. He said he got stuck on it after that. He said he can't get into Salt Lake or Dubai. Howard and Jon spent a few minutes talking about that show. Howard said they are horrible people on that show. He said it gives you no confidence in this country when you watch them.
Howard said he knew he had a good sense of humor when he saw him on Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis. Jon said Zach is one of the kindest people. He said it's chaotic too though. He said he's funny and fun. He said it's never mean though. He said he's just playful in that way. He said he comes from a family that's funny. He said his brother and father are very funny. He said his family has a fascinating history. He said Zach is a beautiful soul. He said he has been lucky to have been adjacent to funny people. He said it's a good lesson to just lean into it. He said you don't have to be funny because Zach has it taken care of. He said they shoot those things for 2 hours and they cut it down to 4 minutes. He said he pitched a thing to Zach where he was interviewing Will Farrell and he had a walk on where he had to find his keys in the ferns. He said it took 35 minutes to shoot because they weren't able to keep a straight face. Jon said Howard should do it. Howard said he's not sure he could handle it. He said he doesn't like being roasted.
Howard said he likes the way Jon handled the show. He said he just sat there looking insulted. He said it's not funny when people fight back.
Howard said he thinks Jon is close to getting engaged. He asked if he wants to announce that today. Jon said not today but he is very in love. Howard said this is new. He said this is special and big. He said he sees wedding bells. Jon said he thinks you hear them, not see them. Howard said that's right.
Howard said they didn't really address the penis thing. He said they did talk about the underwear thing. He said he was inspired by his penis story and he put out a picture of himself next to Leslie West from Mountain and he put a big penis in his pants and nothing came out of that. He said good for you if you have a big penis. He said he has a small one himself. He said Jon seems to have it all. Jon said Howard lives a great existence and he's doing okay. He said he has watched Howard for so long. He said he and his dad would watch David Letterman together. He said he would watch Howard come on Dave's show and watching his appearances was great. He said Howard and Harvey Pekar were his favorite guest on Dave's show. He said that you never knew what you were going to get. He said he had no idea who Howard was. He said Howard wasn't even syndicated at the time. He said Howard was just a mystifying presence to him. He said he had no idea why he was on but he loved it. He said that's a long way of saying he thinks Howard is doing okay.
Howard said he has no idea that's what's going on. He said that comparing him to Harvey Pekar is great. He said that guy's appearances were so great. He said for Jon to enjoy him even without knowing him is great. He said those appearances gave him stomach aches. He said Dave didn't even like him that much on the show. He said it was weird and life draining.
Jon said he remembers doing Dave's show for the first time. He said he thought he got Dave and he thought they were on the same page. He said Biff Henderson was clipping on his microphone and he was asking if he was nervous. He said he told him he'd find out if Dave liked him in the first 5 or 10 seconds. He said he told Biff that was good to know. He said he started walking on stage and Biff told him not to walk out yet. He said the appearance did go well though and he was asked to come back a couple of times. He said Dave has always been pleasant with him. He said it was nice to be on the show before it went off the air.
Howard asked if he had any conversations with Dave or was it just quick. Jon said that it was quick conversations. He said it was nice to have him on his side.
Howard asked why they wanted to be liked by Dave so much. Jon said he never got to be on Carson. He said the guys he liked were guys like Charles Grodin and he was so antagonistic. He said it was so funny. He said he and his dad would howl in laughter at the guy. He said Carson could not keep it together. He said he got to meet Charles Grodin too. He said the amount of people he got to meet that he looked up to was great.
Howard and Jon spent a few more minutes talking about Dave and talk shows. Howard said he can't even watch his own stuff after all these years.
Howard said it's been a pleasure talking to them. Robin thanked him for spending so much time with them. Jon said it was a real pleasure. Howard wrapped up again and gave Jon some plugs for the Confess, Fletch movie.
Howard asked Jon if he talks about politics at all. Jon said he has been on Bill Maher's show. He said he doesn't lead with it but he will give his opinion on things if he's asked about it. Howard said he gets the feeling he's not a big Trumpy based on his history. Jon said he is not.
Howard said he tapped Bradley Cooper to be his running mate but he's hearing what Jon has to say and he may have asked him. Jon said Cooper sounds good to him. He said he'd take the education cabinet spot of he wants. Jon said he'll even take Secretary of Genitals if he wants. Howard gave him more plugs and wrapped up.
Howard let Jon go and took a call from Ralph who said that Robin has to calm down. He said she was giggling every 5 minutes. Robin said Jon is 20 years younger than her.
Howard said that he has to remind you that tomorrow they have the Fisty Gary phony phone call coming up. He played some promos for that. He also mentioned that Imagine Dragons will be on tomorrow as well. They ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about what he should have added to The Great American Nightmare song. He did his Led Zeppelin singing thing. He said he's very charged up about music because the have Imagine Dragons on today. He said Dan Reynolds does this thing they have on a YouTube or one of those channels. He said he is on there and he sits and shows how he puts together a song. He said he starts from scratch and adds this and that to it and it's fascinating. He said Dan doesn't mind sitting there doing it while his kids are running around. He said he knows he's being watched by fans but he does take care of the kids. Robin said maybe he does that because he knows people are watching. Howard said it could be. He said he does the same when he's being watched.
Howard said there's a trend on Instagram now where hot chicks are playing drums or guitar and they don't have a bra on so their titties are flopping around. He said he likes watching it. Robin said of course he does. Howard said he likes to watch dudes with guitars because he likes to imagine he's in a band himself. Robin said that's why the women have to take their tops off so he'll watch. Fred played Trump's Titties drop and Ham Hands Bill's ''Panties'' clip a bunch during that discussion.
Howard said back in the day the rock guitarists were mostly dudes. He said once in a while you'd see women. Robin asked why that is. Howard said he's just talking about what he saw. He said he saw David Bowie at the birthday show and he had a very attractive woman playing bass. He said he remembers that.
Howard said Machine Gun Kelly has a guitar player who's hot. He said her name is Sophie Lloyd. Howard asked Robin if she knows the bass player David had. Robin didn't. Howard said her name is Gail Ann Dorsey. Howard asked Robin if she knows the best female guitar player out there right now. Robin said it's H.E.R. Howard said she's right. Howard said Nancy Williams was a great guitar player too.
Howard said it was comforting to him to see our President not pushing his way to the front. He said he was there honoring the queen. He said it's not about Biden. He said it's not about which country is the greatest. He said we know we're a super power. He said wherever they sat him is where he sat. He said he likes a leader who can deal with that.
Robin said that Poland is in the front lines for the Ukraine war and they should be able to sit in front of us. She said it's babyish bullshit from Trump.
Howard said forget where Biden sat. He said this queen is on parade. He said her body was moved all over England. Robin said she visited every part. Howard said there was a woman who was in the que to see the Queen and she said it was the best thing since her children were born. Howard played a clip of the woman talking about that on the news. Howard did his English accent and did his impression of her. Robin said that's wild that walking by a box was the best thing she ever did. Robin said the coffin wasn't even open. She said it was closed. Howard said he thought it was open.
Howard said he thought she was laying in state like so many other countries do. He said he doesn't understand that at all.
Howard said he is not a fan of royalty. He said he likes it here because we don't have a king or queen. He said we got our freedom from the English after the revolutionary war. He said then the idiots here wanted to make George Washington King. He said he told them we want democracy and put an end to that. He said that's what the dummies want here with Trump. He said you have to register to vote. He said today is national voter registration day. He said check into it.
Howard said the same dummies who wanted George Washington to be King want Trump to be king or Putin to be their leader. Robin said she heard the most disturbing thing on Bill Maher's show. She said he read a statistic about how 39 percent of the far right want a dictator and even the far left want a dictator. Howard said this is what's going on and this is why the country is going to blow up.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on in this country. He said we give education to these people and we get dumber and dumber. Robin said she's not sure what's being taught. She said they don't teach about democracy anymore. Howard said his father told him what the world was like before they came to this country. He said they came here for freedom. He said it didn't exist anywhere. He said you didn't have to go into hiding from the government. He said it was crazy shit going on back then. He said you were under siege back then.
Howard said the queen picked her music to play during her funeral. He said he's going to play some of that. He said the Queen had her own personal bag pipe player. He said she woke up to that every morning. Howard said he's not sure why he'd want to be woken up like tat. He said he'd just wake up naturally if he were Queen. He said this is what she woke up to every morning. Howard played an example of what she was waking up to. Howard said what a horrible thing to wake up to. He said that's a horrible instrument. He said you know someone was born in the 1920s when the wake up to this. He played a song that she would play. Howard said she DJ'd her own funeral. He said good for her.
Howard said this is the state trumpeters with their hit revile. He played more of the music they played during the funeral. Howard said this is the kind of music they should play in a Superman movie where General Zod is about to be in charge and then Superman comes up and kicks Zod's ass into the phantom zone. Robin said that's perfect for that.
Robin said this is also how you become royal and become puffed up. She said you see that coffin going around and the crown was sitting on a pillow. She said that it can't even touch the coffin.
Howard said he's going to mention real and fake menu items and she has to guess if they're real. Howard asked if they had 9/11 oysters. Robin said no. Howard said she's wrong. He said they had that on the menu. Howard asked Robin if they had Jet Fuel Can't Melt Steel bean dip. Robin said no. Howard said she's right. Howard asked if they had the falling tower of fries. Robin asked if they did that. Howard asked if it's real. Robin said it is. Howard said that's fake.
Howard asked Robin if Pentagon Pie is real or fake. Robin said that's real. Howard said it is. He asked about First Responder Flatbread. Robin said that's real. Howard said it is. Howard asked if Second Plane Sunday is real or fake. Robin said it's fake. Howard said she's right.
Howard asked if Osama Bin Latkes is real. Robin said no. Howard said she's right. Howard asked about Freedom Flounder. Robin said that is real. Howard said that is. Howard asked about Box Cutter Burger. Robin said that's real. Howard said that's fake. He asked about the Never Forget Sampler. Robin said that is real. Howard said that is real.
Howard asked about the George W Coloda. Robin said that's not real. Howard said she's right. Howard said they did have a bunch of drinks called thirst responders. Robin thought that was real. Howard said that's fake.
Howard said the manager posted a statement about the menu items. He read the statement where the guy was apologizing. He said they will have a new theme based on football. Robin said the should stick to that. Fred played Gilbert Gottfried laughing at all of that.
Howard said Tommy Lee has a good body for a 60 year old. Robin said they have already seen his dick. Howard asked Mike if there's anything new going on there.
Mike said yesterday Tommy posted a picture of his load on his own stomach. Howard asked if it was big like Sal's or small like Benjy's. Mike said it was not a large load. He said it was kind of small. He said a lot of people were commenting on this asking when he's going to show himself fucking. Mike said this was kind of funny until he saw the load picture. He said he tapped out after that. He said he paid the 40 bucks but then backed out. He said he's getting reimbursed by work for it though. He said there's a lot of churn going on with his followers. He said that they know what that's like there at Sirius.
Howard asked Chris Wilding what he thinks about all of this. Chris said nothing he saw turned him on. He said Tommy has a big dick but he's not shooting it properly. He said he doesn't take good shots of any of this. He said it's not sexy. He said for 40 dollars he should do better. He said Aaron Carter was doing a better job with his stuff. He said that he can't say how good it looks. Howard said a little respect for Tommy. He said you have to respect his drumming. He asked why he's doing this at this point. He said he's still out on tour. Mike said it's 40 bucks and that's a lot more than most accounts there. He said this is more than any streaming service a month. Howard said he should show the inside of his asshole for that amount.
Chris said from what he saw the best pictures were on Twitter. He said you have to do better on OnlyFans.
Howard had fake Jim Meyer on the phone asking for them to send along the pictures to him.
Robin asked if Tommy needs the money. Mike said if he does he shouldn't be charging more than everyone else on OnlyFans. Howard said he's looking at the picture and he sees his cock. He said it's a lot of money. He said he's not sure what's going on in these pictures.
Howard asked Ronnie what's going on. Ronnie said that was in 12 hours. Howard asked what he does in a typical day now. Ronnie said this isn't what he's doing on a typical day. He said this started at 2:30 in the afternoon and he got home at 3 in the morning. He said it was an all day affair. Robin asked if he gets tired of those people. Ronnie said they had a good time. He asked if there's something wrong with that. Howard said he was thinking about how much that is to drink. He said Amy Winehouse didn't drink that much and we know how that ended.
Ronnie said that was the first day of football. He said it was Thursday night a week or more ago. He said he hasn't had anything since. He said they hung out all night after that.
Howard said he heard he has a lot of weed there too. Ronnie said the do have a cabinet full of all kinds of different shit. Howard asked if he was smoking that day. Ronnie said no.
Howard asked Ronnie what time he gets up and what is his day like. Ronnie said he'll get up whenever he wants on a Thursday. He said he'll get up and take care of the dog if Stephanie isn't awake yet. He said then he'll do stuff around the house and work out. He said he'll hang out in the pool and then eat dinner and watch TV and then go to bed. Robin said he must be bored. Ronnie said he's not bored. Chris said that people say he has a wobble now but he may just be drunk. Howard asked what he's doing for a workout. Ronnie said he does a bunch of things.
Howard said he has some audio of Ronnie smoking weed. He said he's getting reports on this. Ronnie said Jason and Blitt were there just one night. Jason said all he talked about was the very organized cabinet he has for his weed. Howard said he has some clips from Jon Blitt who talked to Ronnie for 90 minutes about the weed thing. Howard said this is after they smoked a bit. Howard said Ronnie gets grumpy. He played some audio of Ronnie telling them to turn a fan on. He said they made him close the fucking shade. He was telling Stephanie where to aim it. Ronnie was coughing a lot after taking a hit. He said that happens a lot. He said once he's done choking it's all good.
Howard asked if that sounds like fun at all. Ronnie said that was pretty bad. Robin asked what he was doing that with. Ronnie said they were pre-rolled cigarettes.
Howard said once the buzz set in Jon asked Ronnie what he would tell his 13 year old self. Ronnie said fuck as many girls as you can. He said he did that so check one mark. He said do your deal before you get married.
Blitt asked Ronnie what he would tell his 20 year old self. Ronnie said he'd tell him the same thing as the 13 year old. He didn't remember what that was though.
Howard said the big take away is that Ronnie's revelation is that everything is fucking. Fred did his Ronnie puppet voice and had him talking about all of the other things he's into. Howard said you'd think Ronnie would tell himself to do well in school and things like that. Ronnie said he's very happy where he's at now. Robin said he never got it out of his system.
Howard played a clip of Blitt asking Ronnie what he loves about smoking weed. Ronnie asked if he can't tell. Then he said something about an employee who he thinks has a big cock. They were beeping the name of the staffer in that clip.
Howard said some people have their minds expanded by weed but this seems to hyper focus Ronnie on cock. Ronnie said talking to Blitt is like talking to a lunatic. He said it's insane. He said he talks to him every week about insane shit.
Howard said this is very revealing. He said when he's hight he reveals a lot. He said he revealed that his father once brought him to visit his mistress. Ronnie said he wasn't even a kid then. Howard said Ronnie laughed through this whole story. He played the clip and Ronnie was talking about how his dad cheated on his mom and his father once took him to this woman's house. He said he brought him to introduce him. He said it call came out when he got caught. Ronnie said he didn't talk to his father for 5 years after he got caught.
Howard said that pot really mellows him out. Ronnie said oh yeah. Mike said he was treating Blitt like a therapist. He said Blitt is a crazy person though.
Howard asked if the woman was hot. Ronnie said she was younger. He said she tried to give him some food and shit. He said it was so fucking weird. He said he wasn't a kid. They asked how old he was. Ronnie said he was maybe 19 or 20. He said it was somewhere around there.
Howard asked Ronnie if he brought him there to meet this woman after he was caught. Ronnie said he did. He said it was like he thought they'd be friends or something. He said it was very weird.
Howard said that was not a good move on his old man's part. Ronnie said a few years down the line his father and that woman moved in together. He said then he had a heart attack and moved to Florida. He said he went to visit him down there. He said once in a while he would visit but it wasn't very comfortable. Ronnie said once his father had his second bypass surgery that woman was out of there. He said he didn't know. He said he was in touch with him but not that much. He said he would talk to him but not like he used to. He said one night his father got in his car and drove from Florida to his house and showed up around midnight ringing the doorbell. He said that he told him about this woman splitting town on him. He said it was a whole weird thing. He said he told him he got what he deserved and told him he had his own problems. He said basically he threw him out. He said he felt bad about that. He said it was right around Christmas time. He said he had anxiety that he thought was a heart attack. He said he fucked himself all up. He said he ended up in the hospital on New Year's Eve.
Howard said he remembers that he was pretty involved with his dad at the end. Ronnie said he was with some other chick at that point. He said he was back in Florida at the time. He said he had another heart issue again. He said in Florida the weren't able to do anything for him. He said they got in touch with the guy who invented open heart surgery and told him to go to Texas in a car so he wound up flying to Texas. He said they did something with him. He said they would take veins from his legs and put them into his heart. He said they used them all up and they took them from his back and pulled them around to do another open heart surgery. He said he was alright for probably another 3 or 4 years after that. He said he was never the same though. He said he was very frail. He said eventually they couldn't do anything for him.
Howard said the 10 gin and tonics are making more sense now. He said his father was quite a cocksman. He said he was half dead and he got another chick. Ronnie said he met her in some social thing at a church. He said he met her there and then they got together and he moved in with her. He said that was in a different part of Florida. He said he liked her. He said she didn't do anything wrong. He said they would take the kids there to visit. He said his father got sick again and passed away. He said then he got a call from this woman's daughter about 3 months later and she got cancer and died. He said it was very strange.
Howard said there's the Ronnie story. Robin said they opened a can of worms. Ronnie puppet was staying quiet during that talk.
Howard played another clip of Ronnie talking to Jon Blitt. He was wasted and said his head almost fell in the drawer. He said he's hungry and wants some Cherry Garcia ice cream. He talked about how great the Ben & Jerry's ice cream is. He was putting on some weird voice so Howard asked what that is. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Ronnie puppet came back to life and told a knock knock joke.
Ronnie said he freaks Stephanie out when he gets high. He said he'll be talking and he'll be on his side and she'll ask what's wrong with him. He said he'll lay there with one eye buried in the pillow and one eye sticks out looking at her and he's laughing.
Howard said Jon asked Ronnie if he's stubborn. Robin asked how much he smokes to get that fucked up. Ronnie said he'll take maybe 2 or 3 hits and he's good. He said that stuff is strong. He said he has one that he loves and it's the one he smoked that day on the show. He said it's that peanut butter one. He said Stephanie knows what it's called. He said it comes in cigar tubes. He said it makes him laugh and he can't stop. Howard said he knew that this stuff would be legal some day. He said he's seeing that happen. He said it's the only thing he saw that's really weird.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie getting irritated at Stephanie. Jon asked if he's stubborn. Stephanie came in and said he's a piece of shit sometimes. She said he's a bitch. Stephanie brought him some water and he wondered what he needed that for. He was giggling the whole time.
Howard said if they learned anything today they learned Ronnie loves ice cream. He said he likes Cherry Garcia. They played a song parody about Ronnie's love of that ice cream.
Howard asked Ronnie if he likes soft ice cream. Ronnie said he does. He said he likes putting fruit and stuff on it. Howard thanked him for the updates. Ronnie said his dad was a good guy when he was a kid. Howard said he's like a chip off the old penis. He said his dad got into threesomes and stuff. Howard asked who was a hotter chick, the one who his parents fucked together or the cheating woman. Ronnie said the one they were together with. He said the other one he could never figure out. He said she looked like Ruth Buzzy to him. Howard laughed. Ronnie said she was such a plain Jane. Howard said maybe she rocked his world. Ronnie said he's assuming she had a magic pussy. He said he used to say that to his wife about how he couldn't figure it out. Howard said some chicks can fuck like crazy and it doesn't matter what they look like. Howard said they can be a 10 and like a cold fish in bed. He said you're going to fuck the girl who can fuck. Ronnie said that you don't give up your whole life for that. Robin said she doesn't know about that. She said it might drive you crazy if you can't get it. Howard said it was young pussy and life is short.
Ronnie said this woman must have fucked him until he had a heart attack. He said he didn't have heart issues when he was with his mother. He said that all came around when he left his mom. Ronnie said his dad died at 71. He said the last 4 or 5 years of his life sucked too. He said to him his father was basically fucked up the last 5 years of his life so that was it then. Howard said there you go. He said he hopes Ronnie is okay and the Ronnie puppet is okay. Fred did his Ronnie puppet thing for a short time before Howard wrapped up.
Robin said that Ronnie hated that his dad cheated. She asked if Ronnie ever did that. Ronnie asked her to define cheating. He said he will be honest. He said they were pretty much separated when he met Stephanie. He said that he was living in the basement of the house. Howard said that's called not cheating. He said he was living in the basement. He said if he was in the master bedroom then it's cheating. Mike said they were 2 floors away so that's good. Howard said that's not cheating then. Ronnie said it was only 1 floor. Howard said it might be cheating then. Mike asked if they were brushing their teeth in the same bathroom. Ronnie said they were not.
Howard said they were separated by a ceiling. He said Ronnie has said a lot. He said they can stop now.
Howard said he promised something so disgusting today. He said that he has to get to that before Imagine Dragons come in. Ronnie said they were great out there in Vegas. Howard said Ronnie loves everything dragon. Howard said something so disgusting and rude is about to happen on the show. He said that the have the grossest call ever. He said this is going to be Fisty Gary making a phony phone call right after these words. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and talked about the Bush song and what a great riff this is. He let the song play a little bit. Howard said that's Gavin Rossdale. He said he song is about the differences between people. He said he has to cram in some stuff before Imagine Dragons gets there. He said he has to play the first part of Fisty Gary. He said it's so disgusting that you have to hear it in parts.
Howard read some fan feedback about Jon Hamm. He had a lot of positive words about Jon. People were commenting on Robin fawning all over him too.
Howard said the fans are behind him in his run for President. He read through some of that feedback. Howard said he might have to have Robin be his press secretary. He said Jon Hamm will be his secretary of genitals. He had some feedback about that too.
Howard said people wrote in about his mother struggling with her TV set. He read some comments he got about that.
Howard said the fans are pumped up about this Fisty Gary call he's about to play. He read some comments about that.
Howard said they had Gary call HungerFF as Fisty Gary. He said if you're eating or using machinery at this time you may want to take a break. Howard played the call where Gary called this guy HungerFF, whose name is Ryan, and started in with his Fisty Gary character. He asked HungerFF about getting Monkeypox and then came on to him with lines about the Monkeypox. Fisty Gary said he likes to dig out colons. He was hitting on HungerFF with lines about fisting him and Hunger was laughing and telling him that's hot. Hunger said he was jerking off while he's talking. Fisty Gary had all kinds of lines about fisting and shit stuff. Hunger pulled out his ass meat so Gary could hear what it sounds like. They lost each other when the phone went down. Howard said that's what happened that day. He said they had to put this call off for weeks when Hunger got Monkeypox. He said that Robin was warned not to listen to this and he can see that it was a mistake for her to hear it. Robin said that was pretty bad.
Howard said he debates if he should play the second part. He said he has a few minutes before Imagine Dragons get there. He said he could hold off until tomorrow. Robin said they should just go for it now.
Howard said he will play it then. He said if you don't want to hear it you can tune in somewhere else. He said turn the channel to the catholic channel now if you can't handle this.
Howard played the second half of the call where Gary called HungerFF back and asked what happened. Hunger had some excuse for hanging up. Gary got back into his flirting and talking dirty to Hunger about the fisting stuff. Hunger was telling him about fisting and how you can do finger piano on the stomach from the inside if you go in far enough.
Gary had HungerFF snorting like a pig for him. He had him telling him about the biggest stuff he has had in his ass. He said that he has had a bowling pin and a person's leg in there. Hunger said he's fisting himself now. He said his asshole is so wet for him. There were some sloshing noises going on. Gary made a cumming sound himself. He let Hunger go after that.
Howard said there it is. He said the most disgusting call. Robin said it really was. Howard said it looked like Robin was going to lose it. Robin said she's sorry for humanity and sorry for her ever hearing that. Howard said he heard that Jennifer Witz just reported him to the FCC. He said you can only get ass meat bits there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he hates when people call in and say they almost wrecked their car but he has a pain in his stomach over the finger piano thing. He said he was really disgusted by that.
Howard said HungerFF said he has been beating off to Gary ever since that call. Gary said that's awesome. He said this is one of those things that he'll never talk to Mary about. He said he thinks she would throw up. Howard said there's a report that Queen Elizabeth woke up and threw up when she heard the bit.
Howard took a call from fake Jennifer Witz who was throwing up. Howard had another caller who was talking about how disgusting that was. He said it's amazing that Gary got through it. Howard asked how long it lasted. Gary said it seemed like a lifetime. Howard said he got a note saying it was 40 minutes. Howard said they may play that full call on a Saturday night on the channels.
Howard said he's sure that was hard for Gary. Gary said these are funny. He said he's not sure if he's doing something wrong as Gary because people like this character so much. Howard said please don't become Fisty Gary in real life.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had to change the channel for the first time in the time he's listened to the show. He said he's not sure how Gary got through it. Howard asked what he changed over to. The caller said he just turned it down. Howard said there might be no one listening now. He said they could be down to zero listeners. He said hopefully Imagine Dragons will bring them back. He said he didn't know that was Ronnie's favorite band now. He said he bets Ronnie was the oldest guy there. Ronnie said there were older guys there. He said they have fans from really young to really old.
Ronnie asked what the 18 inches of ass meat is. Robin said that's a prolapsed anus. She said that it can stretch quite a bit. She said when he's fisting it stretches to a permanent level. She said that he's probably encouraging it to grow longer. She said when it falls out it might be the size of a penis.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he can't imagine the guy taking a whole leg in there. Howard said the guy is for real. He said he isn't kidding when he says he took a bowling pin in there. He asked Chris if that can really happen. Howard said he thinks it can.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Gary deserves and Oscar for not breaking character. He said it sounds like he's doing it live. Howard said this guy is a pro and he took a whole arm up his ass. Wolfie got on and said he saw a guy with his arm shoulder deep in his ass. Ralph asked where it goes. Robin said he did say he asks them to move his organs around. Ralph sounded disgusted by that. Howard said there you have it. He went into a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said one of the biggest hits from Imagine Dragons is ''Radioactive.'' He played some of the song. He said sure enough the boys are there. He said he plays that song because it's amazing that when they put that song out the record label said there was no way top 40 radio would play that. He said it's one of the catchiest hooks. He asked who tells you that. Dan Reynolds said that it was his brother who is their manager. He said he never gets it right with the songs but he's a good manger.
Howard asked if they get upset when the record label tells you the song isn't good. Dan said that they got signed and then in Las Vegas this station started playing the song and they just went with it. He said they wanted it to be the first song on the record because it's so divisive. One of the guys said that in Germany they didn't want to put it on because the thought people would think their speakers were broken.
Howard asked Dan about dreaming that song up. He said that he's seen the long form video Dan did about writing a song. He said Dan sits there and talks about writing a song. He said it's a master class if you want to be a musician. Howard said he builds a song there on camera. He said he's not a musician but he likes to paint and he sees it as the same thing. He said when you paint it's like scribble but then it turns into a full blown painting. He said Dan pulled the curtain back and he still doesn't know how he did it. He said you have to Google this thing. Dan said he did it on Twitch. He said thanks to Howard for that. He said he loves nothing and building it from there. He said he loves it the most because he has a hard time understanding how he's feeling emotionally. He said therapy didn't work for him but music did. He said he was able to understand how he was feeling with music. He said he started around the age of 12.
Howard said he relates to this. He said he pushes away emotion. He said he doesn't feel a thing. He said if he hears a certain song he'll feel something. He said he'll feel sad hearing a song. He said his father died recently and he was listening to a song and he started balling like a baby. He said it triggered everything. He said music is an amazing thing. Dan said he's sorry about his father. He said every night he feels as he gets older he's getting more cynical. He said that he feels like music is godly to him. He said there's something there that is such a joy to share with people.
Howard said he has talked to some of the greatest song writers in the world like Billy Joel and Paul McCartney. He said Billy told him that he hates writing the lyrics to his song. He said he has the feeling that Dan enjoys it. He said most guys hate it. Dan said he didn't know that about Billy. He said he had no idea. He said that he would love to see him live. He said he's never seen him and he loves Billy. Howard said Billy is great and still a powerhouse. He said he's had to change keys and stuff. Dan said he has too and he's younger. He said that he's been listening to Billy's ''Only The Good Die Young'' on his runs every day this week. Howard said he should go see him one of these days.
Howard asked Dan about getting into music and covering songs and then he gets into writing his own songs. He asked if that's how it went. Dan said that wasn't the way it went for him. He said his dad listened to a lot of singer songwriters. Howard asked if this song that wrecks him. He played Cat Stevens ''Father and Son'' and Dan said that was the first song he cried to. He said he can't even talk over it. Howard said that guy doesn't get enough credit. Dan said he's very emotional this morning. Howard asked if he connects to that song because of his family's Mormonism and how it's kind of cultish and his father didn't understand him. Dan said they should dig into this because they talked about it last time. He said it was hard for his mom to hear. He said it was probably the best thing to happen to his relationship with his mom. He said that they're in such a great place now. He said he's a very open man. He said that his parents are so damn great. He said he was angry about Mormonism for a while and he had anger Howard his parents but it works for them. He said it didn't work for him but it works for some people. He said it feels like almost everything is a cult in a way. He said he's looking for truth and there's truth and bullshit in a lot of things. He said he doesn't claim to know either in anything. He said listening to that he got emotional. He said his dad is still working in his 70s. He said he watches a YouTube video of every concert he does and he will tell him if he messes up something. Howard asked if that upsets him. Dan said his dad gave him this line that he loves. He said it was something about the path to heaven leading... Howard played some of the song that the line was in.
Howard asked where Dan finds the will to get away from the church and being a supporter of LGBTQ rights. Howard said his parents told him that gay is just normal so he grew up like that. Howard asked how Dan broke free of all of that stuff. Dan said he felt from a young age that you have to love and accept everyone so it never made sense to him. He said he got into high school and there was a gay kid who was also Mormon and he shot himself in front of some people. He said that was a real turning point for him. He said it didn't make sense to him and it was really messed up. He said life sends you on a path and that's how it goes.
Howard asked if that's what broke him free from all of that. Dan said that put him on a path. He said he and a friend were going on a mission in Nebraska. He said his brothers went off to other parts of the world but he went to Nebraska. He said that he had to go knocking on doors and he would put his bible in his hand and drop it into his hand saying that was a gift from heaven. He said it didn't work on everyone but some people would invite him in.
Howard asked if he looks at that as 2 wasted years of his life or did it contribute to who he is today. Dan said he is who he is today because of that. He said if you told him that no then you can ask him to do things and they have to do it. He said that you can ask them to do anything for them and you have to say yes. He said it's part of the code. He said he had to castrate a horse. He said one guy asked them to help clean his house. He said there was shit all over the house. He said you just have to do it. Howard said what a fucking story.
Howard asked Dan about his depression and if he thinks that he was angry because no one got him. Dan said he wishes he had gone into therapy when he was younger. He said that he has 7 brothers and he has doctors and lawyers in the family. He said when you have super achieving siblings you don't want to complain about your depression and you just power on.
Howard asked if Dan felt lost in that family. Dan said that he had friends there for him. Howard said he had a friend who was a medical genius. He said he wanted that gift and wondered why he didn't have that. He said it would reduce him to mush if he had siblings who were so good at academics. Dan said he thinks that drove him to do what he does. He said he wanted to be in a band with his brothers and he learned drums because of that. He said he wanted to be better than them at drums. He said it drove him.
Howard said a lot of his songs have that ''fuck you'' attitude. He said he has a certain rage in his songs. Dan said it's a Mormon rage. Howard said it is. He said he likes the song ''Thunder'' because it has that rage. He played some of the song. He asked who does the videos for them. Dan told Howard who the director was on that one and said they sometimes have someone come up with the idea and sometimes they come up with it themselves.
Howard said he finds the story amazing growing up the way he did. He said his family must have wondered what he was doing going into music. Dan said it would be like telling your family that you're going into the NFL. He said it was always just a hobby to them. He said he went to school and went to BYU and got kicked out. He said he had sex with his girlfriend in high school and Mormons can't do that. He said he confessed to it so he got kicked out. He said they asked if he had sex and he said yes because he's honest and that got him kicked out. Howard said the kids going there must just lie about having sex. Dan said he would think so. Howard said they must do that with every student and ask if they're having sex.
Howard said it's crazy and no wonder he was depressed. Dan said it gave him a career though. He said in his 20s he felt like a victim but now he thinks it worked out great. He said he thinks that maybe every kid should grow up Mormon. Howard asked if he ever had thoughts of suicide. Dan said not as a kid but as he got older and the idea of heaven fell apart he did. He said he wondered what the whole point was. Howard said he's glad he talks about this. He said he has fame now and he thinks more about that than he did as a kid. He said he's at the top of his game and that's the hard thing to understand.
Dan said he think it's prevalent with musicians. He said that he thinks that 75 percent of musicians struggle with depression. He said you never want to complain about being on the road because that's your job. He said he's obsessed with the whole thing. Howard said he was wondering what it's all about when his father died at 99. He said he's not sure what the point of it all is. Howard said he came to the conclusion that you do things that bring you joy and that's why we're here. Dan asked if he ever feels his father's consciousness. Howard said he doesn't believe in any of that. He said he wishes he could have connected with his father when he was there. He said he never called him son and he never put his arm around him.
Howard asked if Dan still believes in god. Dan said he says a prayer before going on stage every night. He said he says something but it used to be to God but then it became the universe or something that's there. He said now it's really if there's just anything out there. He said no one really knows so he doesn't believe anyone who says they know. Howard said that's how he is. He said this stuff exists and he thinks there must be a creator or something but he's not sure there is. He said he thinks this is all random and that scares the shit out of him. Dan said they all argue about it all the time. He said Wayne might be an atheist. Wayne said he is. He said that just saying there's nothing to prove there is a god.
Howard asked Dan if he ever wonders about Chris Cornell and other guys who killed themselves. He asked Dan if that's the fear in his life. Dan said he has four kids and he thinks about that. He said when Chester died he isn't sure there's any words to put on any of that. He said he has no grand notions about it. He said having children has been a help for him. He said he really doesn't know. He asked what his question was. Howard said this guy Chris Cornell was so great at what he did and he was such a beautiful person. He said he can't imagine that he wanted to kill himself. He said the guy had it all. He said he had kids too.
Howard said he saw Dan composing that song and his daughter walked in and he didn't kick her out. Dan said that's because he was on video. Howard said he knew it.
Howard said he imagines that separating from his wife is hard to talk about. Dan said that your friends and family are invested in it and being public about something like that is tough. He said you have to do it when you're in this position though. He said he loves her and she is his best friend. He said she's an incredible mother and they will be great parents to their kids. He said that relationships are so complex. He said they were together for over a decade. He said it's really tough. He said they split up and got back together. He said it was one of those things that was supposed to happen. He said it's four years later and it's the close of a chapter. He said it feels like mourning to him. He said it also feels like it's the path he's supposed to be on so it just is.
Howard asked if Dan thinks that COVID led to the end of his relationship. Dan said it was a great time for him and his kids to be at home. He said he doesn't think that was part of it. He said they really enjoyed that time. He said they felt very grounded.
Howard said it has to be good being back out on the road. He said that they should play some tunes from the new album. He said they're going to do one live. Howard said they have like 2 billion views on YouTube for one of their songs. He said this song is ''Believer.'' He said he thinks that's the 2 billion one. One of the guys said that's true. Howard asked f they check it every day. Dan said their manager checks stuff like that every day. He said it's pretty amazing.
Howard said before COVID they were going to tour Russia and Ukraine. He said that can't happen now. Dan said they did get to meet President Zelenskyy over Zoom recently. He said they reached out to them and asked if they wanted to meet him. Howard said he gets that they're doing that. He said that his goal is to ask them to visit the country or to talk about the country and keep it on people's minds. Dan said that is what he asked them to do. He said he feels it's important too because we think that words mean nothing. Howard said he likes how Biden is supporting them. He said these guys are the greatest soldiers. He said it must have been great to talk to Zelenskyy over Zoom. Ben said it really was. He said this guy has the strength to fight back and he's not laying down.
Howard asked Ben what's up with him giving away all of his money. Ben said he was giving away money every day during the pandemic. He said when it hit they were having a tough time fund raising for the charity he works with and they were suffering. He said he was giving away $1000 a day. He said he has like 265,000 unread emails in his email account right now. He said he got a lot of response to that.
Howard said getting back to the question about writing music is he right about them listening to music as a kid and fill your head with it and then try to copy it. He asked if that's how you become a song writer. Ben said that's different for everyone. Howard asked if learning music do you have to have a high level of intelligence or can anyone learn it. Dan said he thinks no. He said there are some who are not intelligent musicians but they are great writers. Howard asked who does that and keeps blowing his mind. Dan said he's not sure. He said he's afraid of putting someone on blast. Dan said he'll give himself as an example. He said he grew up on hip hop and melodic songs. He said he didn't grow up on rock. He said they're called a rock band. He said he likes to beat box. He demonstrated that for Howard. He started singing a song he wrote with the beat boxing thing. He said it was a bluesy kind of thing with percussion. He said he likes the hard hitting percussion of hip hop from the 90s and something very melodic. He said that's everything they do. He said there's a lot of rapping things like that in their music. Howard said it's pretty complex to do all of that.
Howard said they're there to do a song. He said Ronnie went to their concert and he's 73. He said he's turning that guy on. The guys gave a shout out to Ronnie. Howard had the guys go into their song ''Believer.''
After the song Howard said that's something else. He said that arrangement was beautiful. He asked if they have ever done it that way before. Dan said they have done it in different ways before. He said the guys all do jazz stuff so the tried it that way. Howard said he's surprised at their musicianship. He said they play live and they have a great mesh of voices. Howard asked if they rehearse that before coming in there or do they do it without the instruments. One of the guys said that the do rehearse it. Howard asked who goes high and who goes low. The guys all talked about who goes high and low.
Howard asked them to take him into a room and show him what they do. Ben said they have a sort of autopilot kind of thing they do when they go into a studio. Howard asked Ben what he's singing. Ben said he's the one doing the high stuff. Howard asked Dan if he goes high. Dan sang the high part he does. Howard asked the guys to bring it all together for him. They all sang the chorus together. Howard said that's beautiful.
Howard asked Dan about the women he's been with. Dan said that he got kicked out of BYU and he didn't have sex again until his wedding night. He said the life of a Mormon is different than other religions. One of the guys said he didn't have sex until he was 26 and he has only had one woman. Howard asked if there are things you can do other things other than regular sex. He said they can kiss. He said that's about it. He said even French kissing is against the rules.
Howard said there is a certain teaching there that is valuable but it also can give you hang ups about sex. One of the guys said he was raised in Utah and he knew every single one of his neighbors. He said it was like 400 people and he knew everything about them. He said it's hard to replicate that sense of community. He said there were nice things about that growing up. Howard said he knew his neighbors and hated them all. He said he's glad he liked them.
Dan said he's not going to raise his kids Mormon. Howard said he's been in therapy forever now. He asked Dan if he's doing that. Dan said he has done over a decade of therapy. He said he has tried Ayahuasca and Ketamine therapy too. He said he's tried a lot. He said it has helped. Howard asked if he thinks that it's the way he was raised. Dan said he was very happy when Mormonism worked for him. He said everything is all laid out for you. He said it was all spelled out for you. He said when it's all gone then you wonder what you're supposed to do. He said there's no step there. He said it sets a kid up for disaster. He said that's unless it works for the kid. Dan said it does work for some people and it can be amazing for them. He said he has a house on this farm that his parents live on. He said his kids have 40 cousins so he doesn't want to keep them from them.
Howard asked if the guys have ever seen porn. Dan said he thinks they all have. Ben said he's into that prolapsed stuff. Dan said they thought that was a great warm up to them coming on the show today.
Howard said they haven't explained the name of the band. Dan said if he lets him baptize him as a Mormon they'll tell him. Howard said sure. He said then he has to wear Mormon garments for 5 years. Howard said he'd do that. He said he had to do that as a Jewish kid. He said it all falls apart when you get older. He said his mom stopped believing. He said she asks what it was all for. He said she has lost all faith. He said she asks where her husband went and he has no idea. He said it's all a test. He said you'll see it. Dan said he's sure his mom is listening and she'll write him and tell him she knows. Howard said his mom is 94 and she would lecture you in her 70s about going to heaven. He said now that she's 94 she doesn't believe in anything.
Dan said his uncle isn't Mormon and he sat him down and told him not to do what he did with his mom. He said he argued with her about religion her whole life. He said that he told him he should have just lied to her and gone to church with her. He said he basically told him to lie to his mom. He said she's listening so she knows that now.
Howard said he thinks that his mother has to just accept him for who he is. Dan said she has. He said he would love to just be able to sit down with his mom and have a drink of wine with her. He said he'd love for that to happen. Howard said he should ask her to do that. Dan said she has never touched it but he will ask her. Howard asked what the glass of wine means to him. Dan said it's just to give into something and unwind. He said just try it. He said if life is nothing then he just wants to see his mom get drunk. Howard said that represents to him meeting him halfway.
Howard said the new album is Mercury - Acts 1 & 2 and Rick Rubin produced it. Dan said he loves Rick and he believes in all kinds of crazy things and he gets into it all. He said he's very gentle and kind too. Howard asked if they were worried about trying someone new. Dan said they were ready to change things up and move forward. Howard asked if the disagreed with Rick about anything. Dan said they had 300 demos and they sent Rick 70 of them. He said Rick sent notes about every song. He said it was very honest. He said they all felt that he was right about most of what he said.
Howard said Rick doesn't play an instrument. He asked if he doesn't need that to be a great producer. Ben said working with him was great and he has a great catalog in his head of music that he can pull out and demonstrate what he's talking about with it.
Howard said it's something to come out with a double album. He said the first one came out 2 years ago.
Howard said he's going to play the song ''Bones'' first. He said the song is about dying but it's a happy song. Dan said he wanted to stop being so upset about dying when we all die. Howard played the song.
After the song Howard said he has never been more excited about death. He asked if they go into a studio to record. He said he saw Dan doing it in his living room. He said he could do it in his home. Dan said he will do a lot of vocals at home. He said they can go into a studio and pick the song apart. He said that he sometimes records at home and keeps them for the album.
Howard said the song ''Enemy'' came out and did very well. Dan said they were told that they may never have a big hit like Radioactive again. Howard said this is the song ''Enemy.'' He played some of that.
Howard said that song is beautiful. He said he has to get back in the studio. He said he's not sure what he would do though. He said he feels like Dan is doing a bit of an Eminem thing there. Dan said he loves Eminem. He said he was a child of the 90s so he grew up with that. Howard talked to Dan about what that song is about. Dan said it's about what it takes to do what they do and how it could all be nothing or maybe it's all a simulation.
Howard asked if the criticism of their stuff hurt. Dan said it's the other musicians that get to him. He said that was the hard part. He said that you get older and you realize that you're on someone's radar. Dan said it comes with the territory though.
Howard said it sucks when you meet your heroes and they don't turn out to be what you thought they were. Dan said you don't know what's real or fake. He said they all signed up for it. Dan said that Paul McCartney and Eddie Vedder were great though. He said he loves these people. Howard said Eddie really is a gracious guy. He said he's gotten to know him a little bit. He said he isn't worried about them taking away from what he's done. Dan said it's amazing that people can feel that way.
Howard said he was like that. He said when he was in the business early on he thought everyone should only listen to him and no one else. Howard asked who their biggest disappointment was. Ben said it's not the people they've met. It's people they haven't met and crushed them. Dan said when someone says something about Howard does he care. Howard said he does a little too much. He said he has a thin skin. He said he wants people to get that he's just trying to make people laugh but not everyone gets it.
Howard asked who has said things about them. Dan said he doesn't want to give them face time. Howard said just say it. Dan said that the singer of the band called The 1975 made a comment in Rolling Stone or somewhere that he didn't like Radioactive. He said they kind of came up as peers and he felt something with him and he didn't get it. He said that was one of those moments where he thought that they were going to see each other a lot and he has to talk to him. He said as the years go by he thinks about how the guy had the balls to do it at least. He said at the time he thought that they were peers. He said they'll probably see each other at some point and laugh about it. Howard said fists will not fly. Dan said not at all.
Howard said Dan is a muscular guy and he's pretty big. He said that most guys are thin like Mick Jagger. Dan said he's 6'4'' and he has an auto immune thing going on so he has to drain all of his joints and he has to do that to not have pain. He said he doesn't want to take pain medication. He said he's built larger than the typical musician.
Howard said he should challenge the guy from The 1975. He said they can have a competition.
Howard said they have a new song called ''Wrecked'' on the new album. He said they have this two album set. He said this mourns the loss of Dan's sister in law. He said that she was only 30. He said that you wonder what it all means when that happens. Dan said she had 7 kids with his brother. He said he was with her in Texas when she passed. He said they thought she was going to be fine after surgery and it went wrong. He said it was his first time seeing someone go like that. He said it makes things feel so real.
Howard asked if he knew he was going to write a song about her or did it just come out. Dan said it just came out. He said that's why he loves music. He said it was very cathartic for him. Howard played some of the song and said he got him crying. He said they nailed that song. He said what a beautiful song.
Howard said that's amazing he can put that much emotion into a song. He said it's like a journal. He said it's Dan getting the emotion out. He asked if he was shocked when he wrote it. Dan said he doesn't do that song live much. He said that's one of those songs you send off and just let it be. He said he sent it to his brother. He said his brother said he loved it.
Howard said they have a lot of good songs on this album. He asked if people ask him to write songs for people. Dan said he started out as a ghost writer but they don't ask him now. He said he didn't have any hits as a ghost writer. He said there were songs that he did write that did well but he can't say he wrote them. He said it's very complex. Howard asked if that drives him crazy. Dan said not at all. He said he was just making money for his family.
Howard said that's an amazing story. He said he understands why he can't say who it was. Dan said he didn't want to be known for it. Howard said that's fantastic. Dan said he doesn't hate the song but he didn't want to be a part of it. Howard asked if he heard it on the radio while driving around. Dan said he did. Howard said that's crazy. He said they have to get together and hang. He said he'd love that. The guys told him any time.
Howard said this is a song inspired by Lou Reed's ''Walk on the Wild Side.'' Dan said it was Rick's idea. Howard played ''It's Ok.''
Howard said that answered his question about listening to songs and being inspired by them. He said there's so many good songs on there. He said he was going to play Cutthroat too. He said that's about a friend who killed himself. Dan said that he can't sing this one much. He said it kills his vocals. Howard asked if he's working too much. Dan said that 9 months is a long time to be on the road. He said in 2 weeks he'll be fine. Dan said this song isn't about his friend who killed himself. He said ''They Don't Know You Like I Do'' is the one about his friend. He said that would be pretty graphic to have a song called Cutthroat. He explained what the song is really about. He said it's about killing the guilt that he has from being Mormon. He said he's really not a victim of religion. Howard played some ''Cutthroat.''
Howard said no wonder he can't do that live. He said he would blow his throat out. Dan said they have done it and it was a mistake. Dan said he has to pee so bad. Howard said he will wrap up then. Dan said he has let his belt out 2 holes since they started. Howard gave the guys some plugs and wrapped up with them. Howard thanked them for spending so much time with them. He let them go pee after that.
Howard said he will play ''Bones'' on the way out. They were done around 10:45am.
Howard started the show talking about how he has to get to something important right away. He said he has received word that the ex-president wants to talk to him. Fake Trump was there knocking on the door. Howard said he's giving him the floor. Fake Donald asked if he's wearing a wire. Howard said no. Robin said no to that as well. Fake Trump said Robin has some beautiful, floppy titties. Howard said he would put a wire in there. He said he was very gentle with the wire. Howard asked if Robin has a wire under her tits. Robin said not even an under wire in her bra. Trump said she's a risk taker.
Howard asked Donald what he thinks about the queen dying. Trump said his thoughts go out to the family and the white half of Meghan Markle's family.
Howard asked Donald about not being invited to the funeral. Trump had some insults for Camilla's looks and about the food over there.
Howard asked if he feels he's being treated unfairly by this. Trump said he does and he wants Biden to reinstate him or he'll leak all of it. Howard asked what he has in those documents. Trump said he has proof that the CIA killed Martin Luther King and Martin killed JFK. He went through some other things he has in those documents about how Israel is run by the Jews.
Howard asked fake Donald if he got everything back because it's all very sensitive. Trump said he did trade the nuclear codes for the Colonel's secret herbs and spices recipe.
Howard said he hears that the raid is hurting his support. He said even with the republicans it's hurting. Trump said it is a disaster. He said even Ivanka has him in the friend zone.
Howard said he's thinking about running for president. Trump said he would have to fuck his shit up if he did. He said he just has to send out one tweet and he's screwed. Howard said he thinks he'd be good. Trump said he does not want this job. He said he's just like Howard but he has 70 million Wack Packers.
Howard asked what he thinks about going to the moon again. Trump said no one was going to the moon before he was President. Howard asked Trump about Nick Cannon's many kids. Trump said he has so many black kids that they have to join two different gangs.
Howard asked fake Trump about Leonardo DiCaprio dumping another woman. Trump said no one wants him dating anyone born before 9/11.
Howard asked Trump what he thinks about Pete Davison and Kim Kardashian breaking up. Trump said he's on Team Kanye. He said he gave him a lifetime N-word pass.
Howard said he's sure that he has a lot to do today so he should wrap up. Trump said he's not that busy. He said he has a solution to the document problem. He said he's going to force Eric to eat them. He had Eric come over to start eating them. Howard let them go after that.
Robin said he didn't want to pat Howard down for a wire but he did want to pat her down. Howard said of course. He said he wanted to pat her down and take her home with him.
Howard asked Rooster about how many sticks you get in an order. Rooster said they have either 4 or 6. He said you have your own syrup to put on them.
Howard asked Jon Hein about this. He said he saw he logged right on when he heard this. Jon got on and said that he disagrees with Rooster on the burgers. He said they're very good. He said the breakfast thing is a new trend with the fast food places. He said he does not eat breakfast at fast food places. He said he does know that a lot of people are going to these places for breakfast. He said he can't give an opinion on the breakfast stuff.
Howard asked why Jon won't try this stuff at the fast food places. Jon said he was going to do a second book and review this stuff but he was not asked to do another one.
Howard asked how Burger King gets it so wrong. Jon said they get everything wrong. Rooster said he agrees. Jon said they announced they're going to make the places look better and all of that but they make mistake after mistake. Rooster said Burger King sucks so bad that he prefers Sonic over them.
Howard said maybe these two are out of touch and they're wrong. Jon said they used to have Burger King and McDonald's and that was it. He said they've fallen off the map. He said they have let the quality control go to hell. He said Wendy's is better and Sonic is big now too. He said Burger King doesn't deliver with the meal.
Howard said maybe you're looking for the new thing and they need to have more new foods. Jon said that McDonald's has been able to do that but Burger King can't. He said they have stuff that comes and goes. Rooster said Howard might be right. He said he thinks McDonald's picked an age bracket to market to. He said there's always going to be 9-15 year olds. He said they targeted them and as long as there's a need there's a cause.
Howard said six piece French toast sticks is 490 calories. Robin asked how Rooster eating all of this after having surgery for his stomach. Howard said he has seen Rooster and he's very big. He said Jon still looks like a human being but Rooster has a wild look. Jon said he is a big boy. He said he has lost weight recently. He said if you're careful with what you eat you can eat it. He said he and Rooster struggle with that.
Howard said he told the guys the other day and said that Rooster looks like he's shaped like a Chicken McNugget. He asked Rooster if he just doesn't care anymore. Rooster said not at all. He said he did have the gastric sleeve surgery. He said he gets the four piece and eats one. He said his wife eats one and his wife eats one. He said he doesn't eat the rest of them. He said if he's in the mood for a donut he'll have one. He said he will just have one though. He said he's not indulging or gorging on that stuff.
Howard asked Wolfie what he knows about this. Wolfie said he is annoyed with Jon and Rooster shitting on Burger King. He said they have the superior burger. He said they'll put whatever you want on it. He said it tastes like a real burger too. He said if you look at it it's even better looking.
Howard said when he hears this he remembers going to fast food restaurants with Robin. He said they were pretty big back then too. He said his legs used to be so big his thighs would rub together. He said Robin always tells the story about that. He said she has a whole story about that. Robin said she was walking behind him and she heard a swish sound and that was his pants rubbing together.
Howard said he remembers going to fast food and the burgers at Burger King did resemble meat more than McDonald's. He said it did look like meat. Jon said they're both blinded by the King here. Jon said they have nothing to do with meat. Howard said Jon is the wrong guy to write the book. He said Jon doesn't like food. He said he wants artificial things. He said he does not like real food and he knows because he has gone to dinner with him. He said a real hamburger he wouldn't be attracted to. Jon said he does like artificial stuff but all of the stuff in this genre falls into that category. He said don't go there if that's what you're looking for. Howard said people like Chick-Fil-A and they use real chicken. Jon said their stuff is awfully good. Jon said that Wolfie is wrong about the Burger King stuff. He said it's like a drug and once you find a taste you're going back for more.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Dr. Now who talked about how disgusting this whole thing is. He asked Rooster why he doesn't want a neck. He said he can't help him until he change. He said Rooster doesn't want to do the work.
Howard asked Dr. Now how many calories they should be eating a day. Dr. Now said he has a book about the 1200 calorie diet. He said that's what they should be doing. Rooster said the French toast sticks are that. Fake Dr. Now cut him off and kept giving advice about the calorie intake and all of that.
Howard let Dr. Now go and Rooster said he sounds like he has a French toast stick stuck in his throat.
Howard said Jon Blitt said he went out to eat with Jon Hein and it was intense watching him eat. Howard asked how that happened. Blitt said that he wanted to take it all in when he went out with him. Howard said it must be like watching Picasso paint. Blitt said that Jon orders everything off menu. He said he wants things that are impossible. He said he looked at him and said he was ordering a Neapolitan milk shake. He said he likes to order that because it's not on the menu. He said the intensity is frightening. Hein said that Blitt wanted to go with him and he did order all secret menu items. He said that you always get well done fries. He said he thought he appreciated it. Blitt said he did. He said he's not knocking him. He said he ordered some stuff and it may have been from his imagination. He said that's why they fucked up his order.
Howard asked if the employees were terrified. Blitt said they were. He said he was ordering things that weren't on the menu. He said he was ordering things that were very confusing. Jon said that In-N-Out is on the west coast. He said he did the secret menu item stuff. He said they knew what he was doing. He said everyone got their food but him. He said he got his food and the burger came out and it wasn't right. He said he had to explain to them how they messed it up. He said everyone else was done eating when he came back. Blitt said Hein was pissed and he was very angry about that.
Robin said Jon is taking the fast out of fast food. She said he's doing the crazy ordering. Howard said the whole idea of fast food is getting it quick. He said he's turning the restaurant into something it's not.
Howard asked Hein why he didn't just eat the burger. Hein said it had stuff on it he didn't want. He said he wanted them to do their job right so he went back in. Howard said Jon really is a fast food maniac.
Howard said when you think about this poor shlub working at the restaurant he's having a tough time and then Jon Hein walks in. Robin said they make the ordering so easy but Jon is screwing up everything. Jon said that Burger King says that you should have it your way. He said he should get what he wants.
Howard said when they were working in the building Jon would order the same things week after week. He asked Jon which was the best all around meal. Jon said he would go with Chick-Fil-A. He said he liked the pizza truck too. He said the chicken tenders truck was good too. He said that was pretty solid. He said as a full meal it was Chick-Fil-A.
Howard said they have the best pizza there in the city so why not go to a pizzeria. Jon said there aren't a lot of great ones near where they're working. Blitt agreed with him on that. He said he would love to see Hein have to work with other Jon Heins in the restaurants. Jon said he did that on a TV show he did. He said he had to deal with people who ordered like him.
Howard asked Jon how long he worked there. Jon said it was a few hours. He said it was hard. He said that he understands why people want to spit in your food.
Howard said he's not sure he gets how an order gets fucked up. Jon said it's multiple people working on the order so if one person messes up then the whole thing is messed up. He said they have a clock running in there and it's crazy how the run it. He said they have to do it that way to be efficient.
Howard asked Jon about another three things he used to get for lunch. He said Five Guys, Chipotle or another food truck. Jon talked about what he likes and Blitt disagreed with him on the Chipotle stuff.
Wolfie said he's baffled that this is the thing that Jon chose to be an expert in. Hein said he's cutting back on it now. Robin asked what he eats when he's not getting fast food. Jon said he gets Chinese food. He said he gets Italian food too.
Howard said that Jon likes a burrito bowl with doubled up stuff. Jon said it's very healthy as far as he's concerned.
Howard mentioned some of the other things Jon Hein gets with his meals that he thinks are healthy. He said he gets a shake and cookie with that healthy stuff.
Howard said he was thinking about getting something like this and he told his mother that she should just go crazy at her age. He said she can have whatever she wants. He did his impression of her as he talked about that. Howard had his mother eating egg drop soup and things like that. He said this is the moment she should be doing that. He said then she's asking Beth what she thinks about this. Howard said he'd be eating everything on the planet if he were her. He said she was going crazy eating whatever she wanted. He said her legs blew up to the size of balloons. He said they can't figure out when she's going to die. He said she was starving and her problem is that she's healthy. He said the doctor got a hold of her and she said she was listening to her son. He said now she's not having fun anymore.
Howard said he and his mom talk and he gets exhausted after. He said he feels he has to get it off his chest. He said they're going to have the same conversation next time they talk. Rooster said this is going to happen for the next 5 years. Howard said that's the problem. He said he asked his mom how it's going with her new TV. He said his sister went over there and he asked her to practice with the TV there. He said he asked his sister what the problem is with the TV. He said she said it might be the morphine. Howard said he can see the TV on there and she changes the channel and that's it. He said it's just one remote. He said he asked Ellen what's going on and she said she has no idea. He said he thinks she's had it too.
Howard said he asked his mother about all of these things she has for her vag and her butt. He said he has to hang up on Rooster now because he's annoying. He kept interrupting. Howard told him to go get some French fries or something.
Howard said he asked his mom about the TV and how she's doing with it. He did his impression of her telling him how she'd doing much better with the TV now. He had her talking about how she worked it in front of Ellen but now she doesn't have interest in TV now. Howard said he was going crazy. He said she doesn't know what's going on with the TV so now she's not interested in it. He said that she liked watching the show Tattletales.
Robin said Howard asks his mom the same questions every day he talks to his mom. She said he has to figure out how to get her to talk about other things so he can figure out if she's enjoying anything. Howard said it might be time for the clarinet player to come visit her. He asked Robin to please call his mother and she said no. Howard said she would be terrific with her. He said maybe she can whip her into shape. He said he'd be thrilled to have that.
Howard did more of his impression of his mom talking about listening to the Beatles with him when he brought home the first album. He said he talked to her about that. He said his mother talked about how she liked them and her friends didn't. Howard said he's yelling on the phone to talk to her. He said she was open minded. He did his impression of what that conversation sounded like. He was yelling and asking his mom to turn up her volume. Howard said he asked the aide to help her turn the volume up. Robin said his mother is making a point. She said she's feeling not heard. Howard said he can think straight when he hears Robin but when he's on the phone he's scrambling to make conversation.
Howard said he can't accept a compliment. He said he gets on the phone and gets cuckoo. He said he can't think straight. He said he knows what she's talking about but he can't carry through. He said he's busy yelling and screaming.
Howard took a call from a worker from In-N-Out who was doing an impression of Quint from Jaws talking about how Jon Hein eats.
Jon said Howard always asks if he has that yet. Howard said he didn't know. Jon said he can't get it. He said he's not sure how Howard got it. Howard said he buys a lot of Apple stuff so maybe he's a preferred customer or something. Robin said she's thinking of changing carriers. Howard said he's with Verizon. Robin said she doesn't like either one of them. She said she hears that T-Mobile has the better network. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said he got Verizon because it was better than AT&T. Robin said she has both. She said she usually gets just one iPhone. Jon said just get a new one with T-Mobile and she'll have all three.
Howard said sometimes Robin's reception is shitty. Robin said she has to run around the house looking for reception. Howard said she has two phones and won't answer either one of them.
Howard said he's not sure how he got this phone. It said that it wasn't available until October 7th. Howard said he's on this phone a lot. He said he had to update his phone and he had to be without it for like 3 hours. He said he had to run through the house looking for his wife. He said he can't text her and can't find her. He said no wonder he's turning into a blubbery mess.
Howard said he's always entertained by the fast food talk. He said they learned something here. Howard said he'd like to know if Rooster is right that the French toast sticks are better than Burger King. Jon said he won't try Burger King but he will try Wendy's. Howard asked why not. He said just give them a chance. Jon said he has given them plenty of chances.
Jon said he loves that Howard got Nathan's for his dad before he passed. He said it's so good. Howard said he used to eat 3 hot dogs but on his 99th he only ate half of one. Jon said he can only eat two. Howard said his dad was thin as a pin and he was eating 3. He said he'd get them twice a year. He said Jon is going to blow up to the size of a blimp if he doesn't slow down. Jon said he is slowing down. He said everything in moderation.
Howard said fast food can't be part of your life. He said it's not nutritious. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he always thought this was Talking Heads but it's not. He said he loves this song though. He said it's Johnny Lydon. Gary said it's Public Image Ltd. Howard said he knows that but it's Johnny singing. He said he never thought he'd like that guy. He said this is a good song though. He said he can't write music himself because he's not weird enough. He said he'd never be able to write something like this. He said he'd be too embarrassed.
Howard took a call from a guy who had a deep voice and asked if this is a voice for radio. Howard thought he was using something on his voice. Howard told him to try to talk naturally. Howard said he's doing something there. The guy said this is his real voice. Howard said it's weird. He said sure it's good for radio, why not? He said he thinks it would be hard to listen to in conversation but maybe voice over stuff would work. The caller said he appreciates that. Howard asked him to say something about ''Coming to theaters soon...''
Howard told the guy to go for it if he wants. He said he could do a podcast. The guy said no way to podcasts. Robin asked how old he is. The guy said he's 47. Howard said he has another guy who wants to be evaluated. He took a call from the guys who were doing an impression of this guy Eddie. Howard told Eddie he sounds nice so go for it. Eddie thanked him for that.
Howard said he is not talking about the finale of The Bachelor. He said he's a big Bachelor fan but he fell asleep last night before he saw the end of it. He said he's very invested in the show. He talked about how damaged the two bachelorettes are.
Howard said his mother had a tough upbringing and he spent his life trying to cheer her up. He said he seems to have some weird fascination with that. He said that from time to time he can appreciate a good broken woman. Robin said that's why the Bachelorette is his favorite show. She said the same about the Real Housewives shows.
Howard said this woman Gabby on The Bachelorette talks like a baby. He did an impression of her talking. He was telling Robin about the things she does on the show and how nutty they are. He said she asks if she's not worthy of love a lot. Howard said it's weird that this girl's mother skipped town when she was a young girl. He said there's a lot going on there. Robin said she has to buck up. Howard said she's a great girl with nice tits.
Howard said this bachelor guy likes both of them but he's not ready for marriage. He said this Gabby is demanding an engagement. He said the show is great. He said he misses Chris Harrison though. He said they have some big dummy hosting now. He said he's a good looking guy. He said he doesn't jump in when things are getting rough. He said Chris Harrison was good at that. He said you can't have a good looking guy doing that job. He said Chris was a nebish.
Howard said he told his wife not to look at the news about the show. He said he wants to watch it with her. He said the go a whole season and watch it together. Howard said the show was 3 hours long. Robin said there must have been fireworks. Howard said he's not sure if he has time to watch it this afternoon. He said it's actually important to him. He said he waiting to see the show. He said that Beth told him they missed it. He said he's betting that neither of the ladies found love. He said they're both crazy wanting to be engaged after 3 weeks.
Howard said he wishes they had sent him the packages for the finale. He said the show was live though so whatever. He said he was talking to some of the women on the staff about the show. He said JD watches it but he doesn't want him blowing it for him. Howard asked JD where he was. JD said he was trying to pull audio and he was on a different headset. He said he has some things to put into the system. Howard asked if he saw the finale. JD said he did. Howard said he doesn't want to know. JD said he knows. He said the first two hours were the show and the last hour was a lot of filler. Howard said this guy Jesse doesn't know how to make the show pop. JD said he thinks the guy is a decent host. Howard and JD argued about the host. JD thinks it's the producers fault and not Jesse's fault for the show going the way it does. He said Jesse is busy with football on the weekends and hosting Food Network shows.
Howard asked if this was the most dramatic season so far. JD said there was a lot of drama going on.
Howard asked Samantha if she watches the show with JD or something. Sam said they text with a few people and they love chatting about the show with JD. Howard said the girls are lucky they get to talk to JD. Sam said that JD is more Bachelor Nation than Howard is. She said JD is staying up late.
Howard said this Gabby is so weird asking if she's not worthy of love. Sam said that's not going to get a guy. Howard said of course she's worthy of love. Sam said her body is insane. Howard said she has the best body ever. Sam said she's Bachelor Nation and she's only watching Dancing with the Stars because of The Bachelor. Howard said he's going to watch Dancing with the Stars because of this Gabby.
Sam said there's a lot going on with Dancing with the Stars. JD said Selma Blair is going to have to back out. Sam said she'd love to see JD on that show without MS. She said they have a deaf person on the show and he's doing great. Howard said he's voting for Selma. He said she has MS so he's giving her his vote.
Howard said it's weird that Gabby is on Dancing with the Stars. He said it's like Marvel having a character in a new franchise. He said just put her on the news. Robin said the reality stars go on a circuit with the reality shows. Howard said it's like a franchise.
Howard said he doesn't want to hear more about this because he knows what JD was going to say.
Howard and Sam talked more about Dancing with the Stars for a minute. Howard let everyone go after that. Robin said she's just going to watch the finale and then watch Dancing with the Stars.
Howard said Suzanne has been leaving messages for Chris Wilding. He said Chris called her back and she started rattling off dates that she's available. He said there's something big going on in her world. He said he'll mention it to Jimmy when he's on.
Howard played some clips of Suzanne talking to Chris about the dates she's available during October. She said that she can appear as a couple of characters. She said that she can be Dracula or some other Spectrum the Ghost character.
Howard asked why she isn't available at the end of the week. Chris said it's something about marching in something in New Jersey. He said she's a ball buster. Howard said he busts Jimmy's balls about getting her on his show. He said Jimmy said he has guest hosts and he was going to just put her on. He said he never did it though.
Howard said Suzanne will not appear on Jimmy's show without him meeting her demands. Howard said she will not cut down her performance. Howard played a clip of Chris talking to her about possibly cutting down her act. She said that it deserves to be seen in its entirety. Suzanne was not happy to hear that she might only get 5 minutes. She said she can't imagine going out all that way for such a microscopic spot. Howard said she's really producing the whole thing.
Chris told Howard about the things that Suzanne does in her act and Howard said Jimmy really has to put her on. He played another clip of Suzanne talking about how she needs red Hawaiian Punch for her act. She said that would be like blood in her act. Chris asked what else she needs. Suzanne said she wants fast food without condiments because they take away from the taste of the basic meat. Howard said she's like Jon Hein. Chris was doing his impression of Suzanne during this segment.
Howard played another clip of Suzanne talking about her demands to do the show. Suzanne said she wants the camera on her the whole time and not cut to just Jimmy. She said it would spoil the integrity of the presentation.
Robin said it would be interesting to have these negotiations on his show. Howard said things get weird and you can't do that on the air.
Howard said Suzanne demands that no other people appear in her segment. She said that someone like Brad Pitt won't work because his hair style isn't right for the presentation. She said it would be distracting.
Howard said Brad Pitt played Dracula. Chris said he told her that but she thinks that's not historically accurate.
Howard played another clip of Suzanne talking about how she had to threaten a guy once for interrupting her performance. She picked up her sword to threaten the guy who was dressed in a mascot outfit. Howard said she said she wrote to the team of the guy who was interrupting her and she never got a response from them.
Robin said she thinks that she has done it with creating her own world and no one belongs on the stage but her.
Howard played more of the sword story. Suzanne was talking about how this mascot ruined her performance and she threatened to run her sword through him. Chris asked what he was dressed as. She said it was part bird and part ant eater. Howard said the guys think she's describing the Philly Phanatic. Howard thanked Chris for that update.
Howard said he has this bit to play called guess who Farted. He said he wasn't that entertained by this last night when he heard it but maybe he was just in a bad mood. He said they spent weeks collecting farts from the staff. He said he had nothing to do with this. He said the recorded the staff farting and he has a couple to play. He said first up they have Jon Hein or Gary. He played the clip and Robin laughed. Howard said Robin likes this. The fart was quick with a little zip at the end. Howard said it starts good but then fizzles. Robin said this is Gary. Howard said that was Jon Hein actually. Howard played an example of a Gary fart. That one was pretty good. Robin said it sounds like he messed his pants.
Howard played another fart and said that's either Chris Wilding or Ronnie. The fart was like a hiss. There was hardly any rattle according to Robin. Howard said it sounds like they're filling a tire. Robin guessed it was Chris. Howard said she's right. Howard played Ronnie's fart which was much juicier.
Howard played another one and said it's either him or Fred. That one was kind of loud and sounded like knocking on wood. Howard said it sounds like ping pong. Robin said that's Fred. Howard said of course. He said he doesn't even fart right because he's not human. Howard played his own fart which was a quick spurt.
Howard said it seems like Robin likes this game. Robin said she's enjoying it. She said she got 3 right.
Howard said this is either Jason or JD. He said they are larger guys. Howard played the clip and it was a pretty big blast. Howard said this might be their last show on Sirius because they seem to have run out of things to do. Robin said she thinks that's Jason. Howard said that's actually JD. He said you'd think his fart would stutter. Howard played Jason's fart and it was kind of dainty.
Howard said this is either Richard or Sal. Robin guessed it was Sal. Howard said that was Richard. He played Sal's fart and then Richard's. They weren't all that different sounding.
Howard said he has a bonus fart. He asked if this is Ralph or Robin. Robin asked where they found a fart of her's. Howard played the fart and said he hopes that's Robin. It was a pretty nasty sounding one. Robin said that's got to be Ralph. Howard said it is. He played a nasty shit sounding one that was actually Will the Farter. Howard said this game is copyrighted so no one copy it.
Howard said Robin did well with that. He said it's not easy. Robin said she got more right than she did wrong.
Howard said they have a lot of anti cheating stuff in the game and people are now trying to figure out how he may have cheated. He said no one believes he won. He said they claim that he may have used anal beads that pulsate to cheat. He said he's not sure how that would even work. Howard said you'd have to have someone watching live who knows the game and how to play. He said you'd have to have several people helping you. He said even if he could talk to you through your asshole how do you convey to the person what move to make?
Howard said it seems like it's harder to figure out how to cheat at chess than it is to learn chess. He said that Elon Musk retweeted a video where they explained how the cheat would work. Howard said he's thinking the kid may have just pulled off a win. He said he's not sure how the cheat would work.
Howard said Magnus sat down for another game and did one move and retired. Howard said he played against Magnus actually. He said that's a whole other story. He said this tournament he's playing in is a huge deal. Howard played a clip where they were talking about the game and then Magnus resigned from his game. The hosts were shocked by the whole thing.
Howard said there you go. He said he's not sure how they straighten that out. He said how about sticking them in a room and do a complete anal cavity search and settle it once and for all. Howard said this kid is a grand master but he's not in Magnus' league. He said they really think this kid was cheating. Howard said he has seen people who have cheated have a little C next to their name when they get caught. He said he sees these assholes online. He said they're nerds and douche bags. Robin said it's like stolen valor.
Howard said there was some other chess news where they had this robot arm playing against a kid and the robot broke the kid's finger. He said in India they were saying this is like the start of Terminator. He played a clip of the news reporter over in India talking about how this is AI punishing the kid. She said they can be ruthless and AI is built to be better than humans and it is programmed to second guess humans. Robin said she said they don't have emotion but if the robot got upset about being beat then it has emotion.
Howard said the computer doesn't have eyes to see. He said the machine thought it was picking up a chess piece when it broke the kid's finger.
Howard asked if Robin cares that Gary was micro dosing mushrooms at the Bottle Rock concert. Robin said that's where he got COVID. Howard played a clip of Gary talking about that on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he's like 60 years old now. He said he's tripping on mushrooms. Gary said he's 61. He said he's not hallucinating from it. Howard said he did it when he was like 19. Gary said it's a very chill vibe.
Howard asked if that's strong stuff. Gary said no. Howard asked if it's legal. Gary said he doesn't think they're legal but he's not positive.
Howard said in the fan mail this is great. He said two weeks ago they got a report that Gary and Ronnie were out in L.A. getting into a big disagreement about meeting this guy from Selling Sunset. Howard went over that story again and explained what upset Ronnie. Howard said Gary embarrassed Ronnie with this guy and he thought that Gary did things the wrong way.
Howard said Jon Leiberman is launching a new show on Howard 101 called ''A Hard Look.'' He said his first story is about this. He said he got in touch with Jason Oppenheim. He said that he asked what happened that night. Howard played a clip of Jon talking to Jason about that night. Jason said that he didn't mind talking to the guys but Gary was very aggressive about the whole thing. He said he would have talked to Ronnie more if he had just come up to him. Gary said he has apologized to Ronnie privately and he was right.
Howard said he's not sure why Gary started in with that. He said he doesn't understand it at all. He said Gary tried to explain it. Gary said he was drinking that night but he doesn't think that was the reason. Howard said maybe it's the micro dosing. Gary said that was a month before he did that. Gary said he did think that the guy was going to pick up food and Ronnie following him in might be awkward. He said he was more aggressive than he thought. He said he's wrong and he admits it. Ronnie said he's not sure why he'd want to put the guy on the spot in front of 15 people instead of letting him do it himself. Gary said he gets it. He said it was bad judgment. Howard said Gary says he has bad judgment.
Gary said he thought he was at least trying to be right. He said he's not saying he was wrong just to have them leave him alone. He said that he really knows that he was wrong.
Howard played Gary out with a Baba Booey song parody. Howard said Gary was backing down a bit. He said he stuck with his opinion on the Wrap Up Show. Howard played another clip where Gary and Ronnie were arguing about the whole thing.
Howard said now it's been worked out and they're putting that to sleep. Ronnie said he thought it was over already.
Howard said he got a lot of email about a lot of things including Ronnie and his big revelations. Howard said he'll read it all but he has to take a break. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said he's all charged up from this song. He said he's ready to jump out a window. Fred played a sound effect that was so loud it threw Howard off. Howard asked the guys to get the audio mix right.
Robin said she has to talk about that Sal bit they just played. She said that he was talking about scientists and how very, very smart this one was. She said most scientists are smart. Howard said Beth will make fun of Sal when they go on their walks. He said they'll see a dime and she'll say ''you know who that was!''
Howard said they got some fan feedback about Imagine Dragons. He said they did a great live version of that song ''Believer'' yesterday. He said it was very jazzy and relaxed. He played a clip.
Howard read some feedback about the interview and people were saying it was great and maybe his best yet. Howard mentioned that he worked with Rick Rubin on his Private Parts album. He said this is a guy who has a gigantic beard and never wears shoes. He said he likes people who wear shoes but Rick is bare foot. He said he's very into that. He said the guy is unusual but a sweetheart. He said he came up with a concept for the Private Parts album and it was a number 1 album. He said he appreciates that. Howard said Rick put that all together. He said he was the mastermind behind all of that.
Howard said when he sees people touching their feet he isn't a big fan. He said he has feet and likes his feet but he doesn't like seeing that. Howard said he's been in meetings where people touch the bottom of their shoes and it's disgusting. He said at least Rick is just playing with his bare feet. He said the guy is a genius so let him do it. Howard said there's a documentary about Rick and he's always in a room without shoes on and cross legged. He said he can't pay attention to what he's doing because he's watching his feet. Robin said she thinks that's a low intelligence thing playing with feet. Howard said the special about him is called Shangri-La. He said check it out.
Howard said he didn't know what it was that Rick does but all of these bands swear by him. He said Metallica loves the guy. He said he gets them right into line and they listen to what he tells them to do.
Howard read more feedback about the interview with Imagine Dragons yesterday. He read about how great Dan seems to be. Howard said there you go.
Howard said there's a lot of email about the Fisty Gary call. He said he saw the look on Robin's face when they played it. Robin said that was disgusting. Howard said some listeners loved the call. He read some of that feedback and then read some of the negative comments about it. Howard said some people thought it was just too much. Howard said he knows it was a lot to take.
Howard said Chris Wilding got a DM from a fan who said that was probably the worst segment they ever heard. Howard said this guy wanted it cut out of the replays. Howard said one fan had the thought that Gary loves fisting because his performance was so convincing. Howard read that email.
Howard said that call actually lasted 40 minutes. He said a lot of stuff ended up on the cutting room floor. He said he has a bonus clip to play. He said this is the guy HungerFF describing the sound of fisting to Gary. Howard said this is a bonus clip. In the clip Fisty Gary asked what it would sound like when he's fisting him. HungerFF said it's like punching a bottle of water.
Howard asked what that sound is in that clip. He said that's when he's fisting himself. Robin said we don't want to know.
Howard said Wolfie called HungerFF to ask how he felt about it. He played a clip of HungerFF talking about how he was turned on by the call. He said he'd give that date a 10 out of 10. He said he'd love to hook up with him again in the future.
Howard said he wanted to talk about Ronnie's drinking and smoking in Las Vegas. He said that fans were sharing their concerns with him about Ronnie's drinking. Howard read some feedback about the 10 gin and tonics that he had. Howard said some people understand why he'd drink after telling some of the stories he told. Howard read some comments about Ronnie's story about being brought to his father's mistress's home as a young man. Howard said he opened up about a horrible part of his life. Ronnie said he did but after it was all over he thought about it and he felt bad but the good part was that his childhood was good with his father. He said he was involved in his life. He said he'd have his friends hang out and they'd go to a gun club and shoot things. Ronnie said that part of his life growing up was great. He said things went sour later on.
Howard said his father did let him jerk off to the threesome that he and his mother had. Ronnie said he didn't let him, he didn't even know about it.
Howard said Ronnie's father took him to his mistress's home. He said that must have changed his whole perception of his dad. He said it's like Dan in Imagine Dragons talking about getting out of his religion once his eyes were opened to it. Ronnie said that it did mess things up. He said toward the end it was okay with his dad. He said he felt bad for him when the doctors said they can't do anything for him anymore. He said it was a whole thing with being an only child and all of that. He said when his dad died he wanted to be cremated. He said his dad didn't give a shit that they don't do that in the Jewish religion. Ronnie said he wanted his ashes spread in Upstate New York. He said he had to live in a warmer climate so he moved to Florida. He said he spent a lot of time in New York as a kid. He said he went there and had to go to this property and spread the ashes when no one was home. He said he thought he was going to get arrested. He said it was a rough ending.
Howard said everyone is concerned about his drinking. Ronnie said that's not all the time. He said it's a once in a while thing. He said it was a long period of time too. Howard said he liked when Ronnie described how ugly the mistress was. Ronnie said she had this look like Ruth Buzzy. He said he couldn't figure the whole thing out. He said she was thin but it was just weird. He said the whole situation was weird.
Howard said the guys talk to Ronnie off the air and he thinks he will never see them in person again. Ronnie said he's not sure he'll ever see Robin again. He said people don't travel now. He said that no one wants to go anywhere. He said people are afraid they'll never get home. Fred was doing his Ronnie Puppet thing and Ronnie told him to shut the fuck up already.
Howard said the puppet has the new moustache that Ronnie has now. He said it's quite remarkable.
Howard took a call from Apples who said he's very proud of his boy Ronnie talking about all of that stuff. He said he doesn't want to goof on him. Ronnie said he doesn't want to be friends with this guy. Apples said that Ronnie and Jon Hamm really opened up this week. He said it's good stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was listening yesterday and he warned him to turn the show off. He said he had to switch the station when he heard that Fisty Gary thing. He said he switched to Howard 101. Howard said no one takes him seriously. He said when he issues a warning he's telling the truth. He said turn the radio off for god sakes. He said he turns it off when he's told to turn the TV off because of flashing lights. He said for everyone who was disgusted they obviously didn't listen to him. Robin said she didn't think it would be that bad. Ronnie said when he heard the ass meat thing falling out and being 18 inches long and letting people suck on it... that was it for him.
Howard said Ronnie can put up with a lot of stuff but not that. Ronnie said he's not sure what that is that came out of his ass. He asked what kind of skin that is. Howard said it's his anus. He said it's his asshole popping out of his body. Ronnie said then he was talking about the finger piano in his stomach.
Howard said Ronnie has had stuff up his ass. Ronnie said he can stop it though. He said this guy doesn't stop. He said he just opens up wider. Ronnie wondered if he just stuffs it back in when he's done with it. Howard said he has turned it into an erogenous zone. Robin said then he was hitting it against the phone. She said she was like ''Oh my god!''
Ronnie wondered what the guy does with his ass meat when it's out. Howard said it makes it easier to clean when it's out.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he gets people being into weird stuff but keep it to yourself. He said don't go out in public with that. Howard said he was at a convention with that.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Jeff Goldblum who said this is finally something he can relate to. Howard said he didn't think this is something he'd be into. Jeff said he's wrong and he is into things that give people pleasure. He said they call him Fisty Goldy. Howard closed the door on him.
Ralph said if half of his insides were hanging out he'd kill himself. Howard said that's why he is fascinated by the phone call. He said that some people don't have the neurosis that he has. Robin said they do but it's a different kind.
Howard said he's tempted to put the entire 40 minutes on the app and let people hear it. He said he thinks he's going to do it. Ralph said he can't listen to it. He said even hearing Ronnie talk about it makes him want to throw up. Ronnie asked what it must be like for the guy when he goes to the doctor to get his prostate checked. Howard said he thinks this guy would keep doing it even if he was told he could die from it.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie interviewing HungerFF at the Fist Fest event about his prolapsed anus.
Howard said he thinks they may have seen a video of that guy in action. Wolfie got on and talked about how he had to stop following the guy because what he does is so disturbing.
Howard said he thought he talked to a fister on the air. Wolfie said he may have but he doesn't think he take to this guy. Howard said he thinks he's ready to talk to this guy. Wolfie said he's sure that he could get him on. He said that incontinence is common for these guys with the prolapsed anus.
Howard said he thought he had interviewed him but he can get the whole team in there to ask him questions. He said he can get Ronnie in there to ask him stuff. Ronnie said he wants to know what kind of pleasure people get out of this. He said he just can't picture it.
Howard said he would talk to the dude. He said he's kind of curious. He said they may have to put that on the schedule. He said they might have to bump Jimmy Kimmel. Ronnie asked what this guy does for a job. Wolfie said he traveled around Europe just getting fisted last year. Howard said he thought he said he's a radio programmer.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he just puked after hearing this. He said he had to puke next to a dead raccoon.
Debbie said there is someone else associated with his show that she wants to blow. Howard asked who that is. Debbie said it's sexy Jason. Howard said he has lost a lot of weight so he is very sexy now.
Howard asked Jason if his wife would let him do that. Jason said anything for Howard. Jason said he did not expect his name to come out of her mouth. Howard asked Sal how much he'd love to have this happen to him. Sal said call his lawyer now. He said he talks to Debbie at least once a week and she's so stressed out by not getting Erik off. He said she wants to fly out here just for that on her own dime.
Howard had High Pitch Erik on the phone and asked if he really thinks he can finish with her. Erik said he can but he's on a lot of medications so that's why he can't finish. Howard said he wants to play psychiatrist for a minute. He said there are people who think they can be something they can't be. He said he took some of those people aside and told them they just can't do it. He said this is one of those times. He said that she's never going to get Erik off. Debbie said that he did get hard for her. She said she knows that she can do it. Sal said she blew him over the course of 3 days. Howard said he knows this woman loves blowing guys and swallowing. He said she wants the challenge.
Howard said there was a lot of humiliation in this whole thing. He said most of them are convinced that Erik took Viagra to get hard for her. Erik said he did not.
Howard said this blow job was the Woodstock of blow jobs. He said it went on for 3 days and there was a lot of mud. He said don't ask. He said he thinks that Debbie should just give up on Erik. Debbie said that she can't. She said she can't live with knowing she can't make someone cum.
Howard asked if Erik was watching baseball while she was blowing him. Erik said he was. He said he will turn it off next time. He said he will look at John Stamos or Donnie Wahlberg next time. Howard said Erik is gay. Erik said he is not.
Howard said he's out of this. He said he will talk to Donnie Wahlberg and he will ask him if he'll stand there with his shirt off while she blows Erik. Debbie said whatever works. Howard said he has to help Debbie get past this. Debbie said she can't let it go. Howard said this is her Mt. Everest.
Howard said how about he gets Chris Wilding in the room with them. Erik asked if he will take his shirt off. Howard asked Chris if he would do that. Chris said he would be in the room but not with his shirt off. Erik said that might help. Howard asked if Debbie finds that insulting. Debbie said whatever it takes. Chris said he won't be there for 3 days. He said he'll give them 3 hours.
Howard said Erik has to agrees that he's a gay man. He said it's okay to say that. Erik said he is not. He said he got a great blow job from her. Howard asked why he has to look at a guy. Erik said Chris is like Donnie Wahlberg to him. Howard said it makes you gay if you have to look at a guy. Erik's phone was cutting out so Howard said he has to end this. Howard said Chris just has to blow Erik to bring an end to this. Erik said no to that. He said he'll cum in like 5 minutes. Robin said with Chris he will.
Howard said he's out of this whole thing now. He said it's ridiculous now. He said Erik needs a guy to look at.
Howard said he sees that Vic Lagina is on the phone. He said he's a porn producer. He said he wants to talk about the fisting thing. Howard got Vic on and Vic said he wants to move on from this topic because this is where he draws the line in porn. He said sometimes women will go too far and leave a turd nugget when they're having sex. Howard asked what the prolapsed anus thing is. Vic said he thinks the guy must need diapers if he's that far along. Howard asked Vic if he has ever filmed a dude like that. Vic said he has seen a woman's ass come out about 3 inches and that was enough for a lifetime. He said he has seen people do stuff like that. He said he's still trying to recover from this. Howard said it's always good to hear Vic weigh in on these topics. He let him go after that.
Chris said that someone posted a picture of HungerFF's prolapsed anus and he has a guy going down on it. Howard cut him off saying that he's out of this now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they should have Sal or Richard fist the guy on the show. Howard said how about Sal and Richard fist each other in the studio. Sal said they can do that for a holiday special.
Howard mentioned they have a special Red Hot Chili Peppers concert on Howard 101 on Friday.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who gave some advice to Debbie about what to talk to Erik about to get him off. Howard said fair enough. He hung up on her and ended the show around 10:40am.