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Howard said he likes to be at 190. He said he's 6'5'' so that's kind of like Skeletor. He said he likes it though. He said he'd rather be muscular but he doesn't know how to do that. He said he tried for years to do that. He said he had muscle but he was still skinny. He said he knows you can put on muscle if you eat a lot.
Howard said he would hang out with guys who worked out and they told him not to do cardio. He said he'd just get a big belly and tits from that. He said he never was able to get that muscle look.
Robin said there is a science to it. She said these body builders know exactly what to eat. She said they weigh everything. Howard said he was never able to figure that all out.
Howard said he had a nutritionist and a trainer. He said he wanted to be hot. He said he wanted that muscle look. He said he could have a had a Body By Jake look. He said that guy had a gorgeous body but not so great a face. He said he's not sure what happened there. He said he's not putting him down because he'd be stuck with his face too. He said chicks would find his body hot and overlook his face. He said his muscles were fighting against him though. He said he went for the very lean look. He said at one point in his 40s and 50s he had something that could pass for abs. He said he never had a good ass though. He said he did everything for that but it always had cellulite on it. He said it was never good. Howard said he has the body of a funny guy on the radio. He said he was never able to figure it all out.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Dr. Now who was asking him why he doesn't eat enough food. He said he's starving himself. He said he has to eat more. Howard explained to him that he gave up on being large so he got lean. Dr. Now was going on and on about what Howard needs to do like he was explaining a patient on My 600 Pound Life.
Howard said he wanted to be large but his belly would get big from eating. Fake Dr. Now gave Howard more advice on what to do.
Howard answered another knock at the door and it was fake Arnold Schwarzenegger who gave him some advice on building muscle. He told him to keep eating and pumping that iron. Howard said it was too heavy for him but he tried. He said he did all of that stuff. Arnold told him to do it 4 hours a day. Howard said he would get off the radio and eating his lunch and hit the gym and he was here for hours. He said he had to go home and work. Arnold told him to get back to the gym and fuck that life stuff. Dr. Now gave Howard advice so the two of them were going back and forth.
Howard said Mike Pearlman has some advice for him too. Mike said you have to have more of a calorie intake. He said you have to lift just enough so it's just a little bit of a struggle for him. Howard said he did that for years. He said his body is resistant to being hot. He said he tried. Arnold asked if he had a picture of him next to him. Howard said he did. He said he had him and Clint Eastwood there.
Howard asked Mike more about what to do and he kept saying he has tried all of that. Dr. Now and Arnold were sill giving advice too. Howard had another knock at the door and it was an even more muscular Mike Pearlman who was there to give more advice. Fake Mike was throwing out some advice too. Real Mike and Fake Mike were asking questions about his workout.
Howard said he was doing it all. He said he has tried it all and he knew the whole situation. Dr. Now and Arnold were throwing in their opposite opinions too.
Howard asked Fake Mike to give him some advice too. Fake Mike told him he should be eating about 7,000 calories after a work out. Dr. Now said he's going to die if he does that. Everyone was talking over each other. They were taking turns telling Howard what he should do. Fake Mike told him he should eat lean and clean. He asked real Mike if that's what he does. Real Mike said that what Howard has said it sounds like his diet is perfect.
Howard said at his age it seems like everything is over anyway. Arnold told him to run 7 miles before the show every morning. Howard said he had all the experts and now there is no muscle. He said he just wants to stay alive at this point.
Dr. Now told Howard to do a 1200 calorie diet that he suggests and he'll be fine. Mike said that he has been in good shape for a long time and he's probably fine. Fake Mike said he thinks more protein would help. Arnold said he's shitting out all of his muscles.
Howard thanked everyone for helping him out this morning. He let everyone go after that. Arnold told him to carry Beth on his back like a log when he goes for a walk. Howard said that was some health panel.
Howard said he thinks his dad was faithful to his mom for the most part. He said he's thinking he may have had to go to a prostitute from time to time. He said he's not sure about that. He said his mother wasn't that into sex so he's not sure. Robin said we know she wasn't into anal. Howard said that's right. He said he thinks she'd fuck him occasionally and that's it. He said he doesn't know how often it was. He said she told him that she satisfied him. He said that she would have preferred to be celibate though. He said she just wasn't into sex.
Howard said his mom didn't shave so she was kind of sloppy. He said that's what she told him. He said she didn't shave like that. He said she said she was a real woman. He said she told him about how women in Playboy weren't like real women. He said his sister and her were real women.
Howard said his sister had a good body in high school. He said he's not sure what his mom was talking about. He said his mother told him the women in Playboy were freaks and women don't look like that. Howard said they were there in the magazine though. He said not every woman had a big bush like she had.
Howard said his father was a good man in many respects. He said he was annoyed by him though. He said his sister swears that their father was the sweet one and his mother was the cold fish. He said he gets what she means but he would go off on him about not using his head and things like that. He said it was a wacky upbringing. He said that's why he went into his room to look at pornography. He said his parents got him Playboy as a young boy but his mother warned him about the women and how they weren't like real women. He said his mother would walk and trip on her own bush. He said that's what shed tell him real women had. He said real women had nipples with hair on them.
Howard said he's not sure what his parents did in bed but it had to be weird. He said he tells Beth to meet him in the fantasy suite when they're going to have sex. He said any woman would rush into that. Howard said he gets all charged up when he's doing that. He said he tells Beth what he wants to do to her and she tells him not to do it. He said he gets all charged up. He said he comes up with positions for her and she says he's had enough. Howard said he gets all whacked out. He said he had this idea that he'd have her look out the window at the birds and he'd have her naked. He said he asks her to just do it for him. He said it comes time to do it and he's laying there in bed. He said he changes his mind when the time comes. He said he has good ideas at the moment but he doesn't do it then and here.
Howard said sometimes he dreams stuff up and it's not as good as he imagined it would be. He said his mother would tell him that women want to get it over with as quickly as possible. He said he has that on his mind. He said he just gets it over with. He said life is very complex. Robin said it is. She said you never know what you have to deal with.
Howard said these guys would come on the show and they just had one trick they would do. He said that guy just drove on two wheels. He said it was entertaining but things were crazy. He said he didn't like going outside when they would do stuff out there. He said he wanted to stay inside.
Howard said one guy had an act but he didn't want to go outside again so he voted no. Howard said there were some crazy things people did on that show. He said that guy Horse got kicked in the balls. He said he made him laugh. Robin asked where that guy is now. Howard said he must have retired from making so much money. He said he's probably working at Dairy Queen.
Howard took a call from Rooster who said he and his wife went on a road trip and went with his daughter and some other young girls. He said he hates pop music now. He said he went to a lot of ice cream places. He said that he has to agree with Jon Hein about the McDonald's soft serve ice cream being the best. He said he's not sure what it is but it's the best. Howard said he likes hard ice cream. He said he likes a scoop. He said it's more flavorful. He said he does like soft serve though.
Rooster said that Dairy Queen has a soft serve that's okay but it's still soft serve. He said they wanted to get it at McDonald's more than anywhere else. Howard said he doesn't like it dipped in anything. He said he likes plain ice cream.
Howard took a call from audio book Jon Hein. The guys had audio of Jon's audio book where he talked about ice cream at fast food places. Howard had to hang up on that. He said what a delivery on that guy. He asked the real Jon what he thinks about this ice cream thing and if he thinks that McDonald's is still better. Jon said it is very, very good but not as good as Dairy Queen. He said he loves Dairy Queen.
Rooster said if you were just going somewhere to get soft serve McDonald's is the place to go. Howard let the two of them go back and forth for a couple of minutes with this argument.
Howard said Jon Hein is the fattest guy on the staff right now. Jon said a win is a win. He said he'll take it.
Howard had the guys rate their top 5 ice creams. Rooster went with McDonald's, Sonic and then Dairy Queen. He said he's not sure who would come after that. He said maybe Checkers. Jon said he when he wrote his book it was all about fast food. He said he'd go with Dairy Queen, Carvel, Chick-Fil-A, McDonald's and then Wendy's. He said their frosty is very thick and tasty.
Howard had Wolfie on and he said he once got a milk shake from McDonald's and he got a chocolate shake that was white and it turns out it was just missing the pigment. He said that's how they make their shakes. Jon said a lot of places do that. He said there are some places that will put in coloring to make it look like chocolate so it looks like chocolate. Rooster said he did not know that.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said the best soft serve is Carvel and Haagen-Dazs is the best regular ice cream. He said that's it. He said he'll soften that up in the microwave. Howard said that's ridiculous. He hung up on King because of that. Jon said he has to agree with King on that. He said that his wife gave him that tip. He said you only put it in for 10-15 seconds. Rooster said you heat the spoon up. Jon said he did that and that's not right. He said he knows how that works but the best thing to do is heat it in the microwave.
Howard took a call from a guy named Chicken who sounded just like Rooster and gave his opinions on ice cream. Howard had the fake Rooster and real Rooster arguing with each other over ice cream.
Howard asked Wolfie what he knows about Rooster. Wolfie said he got some text messages from him and he was going to get divorced but then things changed. Rooster said they went down a rocky road and they both have children from previous marriages. He went through this story about how the wife's daughter used her son to tear them apart. He said he and his wife agreed that if she had to step out he was going to let her do that. He said he wasn't going to be selfish and make her stay. He said his wife left for a week and in that week things were going good but then his wife turned into a baby sitter and errand runner so she put a stop to that and went back to her husband. He said they had a long talk and she's not going to put her life on hold for her daughter.
Howard asked if he got to fuck some other girls at all. Rooster said he didn't but there were some maybes. Howard said as soon as he got separated he was out in the clubs. Rooster said that's how he thinks when he's married. He said he really loves his wife though. He said he knew they were going to work it out. He said he would have taken his social media recognition and worked something out.
Howard wrapped up with Rooster and let him go. He went through everything they had just learned about ice cream.
Rooster said he does a battle on his TikTok at 7 o'clock for a good cause. He said he battles some people called RetroNation every night. He said they take the money they raise and feed the homeless with the money. Howard asked what kind of battle this is. Rooster said that you can do silly shit and people come and give you gifts that add up in points. Howard asked how this works. Rooster went through how it works and Rooster said he walked out with $1,200 one night. He said half of that goes to charity. Howard said it's half that goes to charity. Rooster said they do it every night at 7. Howard said look him up on TikTok. He said he has to take a break now. He said George Takei and Brad are coming in next. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said he loves that band. Howard said his favorite person George Takei and his husband Brad are coming in now. He told George to live long and prosper. He said he has to say that he saw him at the Japan parade. He said he knows he was the grand Marshall. He said he knows he was saying ''Live long and prosper'' but that's a Spock line. George said he uses that philosophy and it's open to anyone. He said that's why he uses it. Howard asked if Leonard Nimoy would be upset with him using that line when it was his line. George said he doesn't think he would be. He said he knew he was using it. Howard asked if he thinks that Sulu should have had his own line. George said his line was ''Aye, aye sir, Warp 3.'' He said he don't use it though. Howard said he could say that. George said that they were just creeping along in that parade and that's a nice phrase to use but not as warm as Live long and Prosper.
Robin said she has to say something here. She asked if he had his hand stuck in that Vulcan sign. She said he doesn't even have to think about it.
Howard played some audio of George yelling to the crowd to live long and prosper. He said he was shocked when Jon Hein told him that George is 85 years old. Howard said it's ridiculous. He said the man is in great shape. He asked if he's still doing 100 push ups a day. George said he does it every morning. He said he does it with his ankles elevated too. Howard said he is one of a kind. He said he's younger than George and he's Brad's age. Howard asked how it is fucking an 85 year old man. Brad said it's familiar. Howard said it's amazing because he goes into the gym and he's in pain every time he goes into the gym. He said he works out a lot and he still has pains. George said he still does 100 pond pull downs.
Howard said he always thinks about George and how he hopes he can be in shape like he is when he gets that old. George said that Brad keeps him young. He said he trained him for his first marathon. He said he did 6 because of Brad. He said Brad has done 8. He said once they got together he quit running. He said he begs him to come run with him and he wouldn't do it. He said that he was growing for a while but he has stopped growing and he's staying the same.
Howard said that it must hurt Brad's feelings when George gives him a hard time. Brad said he has a thick skin. George said he has a thick body. He laughed after that. Howard said even at the Japan Day parade he can tell Brad is fed up. He said he has a quote here for George to hear. He played the clip of Brad talking about how fun George is to be around. He did talk about how demanding George is. George asked when he said that. He said there has to be some privacy in a marriage. He said that he's saying this on the Howard Stern Show. Howard said the man is frustrated. He said there is a relationship there but it has to be 50/50. He said if you turn him into a maid or a slave it's too much. George said that when his mother was alive she was very accommodating of his needs. He said that he made the mistake once of saying his mother was a char woman and Brad calls himself that now. Howard said Brad has needs as well so he has to think about that.
Howard asked if George thinks that he is turning him into a personal assistant more than a husband. Brad said when he told Memet that quote he had never discussed that with George. He said it was a pent up moment that he shouldn't have said. George said they're talking to the Howard Stern staff so you have to know it's going to come out. Howard said Brad is screaming that he wants to be a husband and not a butler. He said why not hire a personal assistant so Brad can do things on his own and maybe get back into shape. He said the guy is worn out from being an assistant. Brad said that would be a great idea. He said that George thinks that he does a better job of cleaning so they never hired a housekeeper.
Howard said why not a younger assistant that's muscular. George said Brad already has a name for that person. He said he would call him Enrique. Brad said that he does the laundry early in the morning while George is still sleeping. He said he doesn't appreciate that. George said he does appreciate it. He said he appreciates Brad. Howard said they have been married for 14 years and George has said thank you 2 times in the 30 years they've been together. George said that he's making him look bad. Howard said you can forget that this is the man in your life and you have to be 50/50. He said he has some fame too and he has to get Brad out of the cooking and cleaning thing. George said he doesn't cool. Brad said he does. He said he microwaves things and does Ramen with broccoli. He said someone has to do the microwave.
George said he'll take what Howard said to heart. He said he does think he's a good husband though.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake George Takei saying he loves Brad and started ringing his bell to get his attention and started demanding things from him.
Robin asked what George does in this relationship. George said he provides and loves. Robin said he doesn't do any chores though.
Howard said the other thing he wanted to talk about was George on The View. He said he talked about when he knew he was a different child and talked about the other boy's butt crack. He said they shut him right down on the show. He asked if he was offended by that. George said not at all. He said he thought they were going to have a conversation but they all shut up and just grinned at him. He said he kept on talking to fill a void on the show. He said he was running out of things to talk about so he mentioned the ways he felt he was different as a young boy. Howard played a clip from that interview here George talked about turning 9, 10 and 11 and how he knew he was different. He talked about seeing the small of the other boy's back and how he was turned on by that.
Howard said you can see that Joy got very uptight during that. He asked if that offended them. He said Brad was talking to George about all of that at the parade too. Howard said Brad tried to say to him that he's there to do this parade and talking about this ass crack. Howard said George didn't want to hear it. George said he doesn't know what they got with that. Brad said they were arguing outside of their apartment building. George remembered it then.
Howard played the clip of George and Brad arguing about this whole The View thing. George said when they got out on the street Brad was criticizing him. Howard said what a powerful thing that was. He asked how loving of Brad it is to say that it wasn't up to his usual performance when he was on that show talking about ass crack.
Brad said they did Allegiance on Broadway 148 times and he was there every night. He said that he would critique him and he took it. He said this time he can't take it. Howard said he's like Donald Trump in not being able to take a critique without it being positive. George got upset that he was being compared to that man. He jokingly said he was going to walk off of this interview.
Howard said it is hard for someone to hear that his interview was sub par. George said he was right though. Howard said that was an interesting thing to hear. He said he enjoyed it. Brad said that it wasn't a good thing to help promote the parade.
Howard said this is George looking at men and rating them. He said what they didn't tell George is that this is the staff's fathers. Howard said his dad is included in this. He said that he and his father have had their differences. He said he worked very hard and he was a good man. He said he was very mean to him.
Howard said it's time for George to rate the staff dads. He played a theme song for the game. He said this is the first staff dad and George is just looking at the pictures. Howard said the first father is Jason Kaplan's fine father who is no longer with them. He said he was a beloved man. Jason said he loved the guy so much and he spent a lot of time missing him yesterday. Howard said George didn't know who it was. Howard played his evaluation of Jason's dad. George said he's fat and he is slovenly and that's a turn off to him. He said he'd give him a -1 on a scale of 10. George said that is unfair of them to do this to him. He said that his son is right in front of him. He said he would be rolling over in his grave but he's too fat.
Howard said the second dad is Wolfie's dad. Wolfie said his dad is gone. Howard played the clip and George said this man has lots of flesh and he has breasts and he's very hippy and hasn't taken care of himself. He said he's got a lot of tits and he has a roll around the hips. He said if he walked into the room and saw this picture of the guy in his underwear he would walk away and close the door. He gave him a 2 on a scale of 10. George thought he was seeing a different picture but Sal said he was zooming in on it when he was showing it so he may have seen the side boob.
Howard had fun George back on and he gave his rating of Wolfie's dad. George said this is not the same guy he saw. He said he doesn't see tits on this man. He said to show him that photo to judge him was deceptive.
Howard said it's time to move on to the next dad. He said this is his dad. He said he's been struggling with his health lately. He said this is George evaluating his father. George said he's very bland and bald and he's very uninteresting. He said there's nothing at all interesting about him. He said he's confused and bailed and that's probably how he approaches his life. He said he wouldn't consider going after this man. He said he would walk out of the room. He said he'd give him a 2 on a scale of 10.
George said this is dishonest. He said he was presented these photos to evaluate their sex appeal. He said he wasn't given all the information. Howard said of course not. George said this was a dishonest test. Howard said that's right.
Howard said if they had showed his dad in the military he would have given him at least a 4. He said that they showed him something that wasn't so flattering. Howard asked if he eels bad about this. George said he feels used, abused and humiliated. The staff said they do too. Howard said Brad was in on this as well. He said he's known for weeks that this was going on.
Howard said Sal's dad is up next. He played George talking about Mr. Governale. He didn't like the cigarette in his mouth and how he was dressed. He said he looked unbathed. He said he wouldn't trust him and he's a turn off. He gave him a 3 on a scale of 10. He said he was near a 2. George said he was not told about this so he has to say that. George said look at what these fathers produced.
Howard said he will say that Sal's dad did fuck a lot of women and he did a lot with what he had. Sal said for Father's day they had to rent out a Knights of Columbus to accommodate all of the kids he's had with other women.
Howard said he has to let George off the hook here. He said he didn't know about this. Howard had fake George Takei talk about this. He rang his bell and had Brad getting him things.
Howard said what's interesting about this bit is that the best looking staffer is Will. He said that his father is a good looking man as well. He said that he was delighted with Will's father. Howard played the clip and George was talking about the bushy beard he has and he has an interesting face. He said he has full lips and he thinks that he'd give him a wrestle and work up a sweat with him and work his way down the stomach muscles and tease around there. He said that he'd get a taste and then get serious. He gave him a rating of 8 out of 10. Fun George asked how Will would feel about a new step father.
Howard said he has two more dads coming up. He said Richard's dad looks just like Richard in this picture. He said he was in uniform. He said that he admires this man very much. He said that they should go to the tape and hear what he has to say. George said that he had his clothes on and he's probably a pessimist. He said he's not very attractive and the whole thing is a turn off to him. He said he would rather jack off than have sex with that man. He said he would give him a 4 on a scale of 10.
Howard asked Richard what he thinks about this. Richard said he loves his dad so much. He said after hearing this a 4 is pretty good. He said he'll take it.
Howard said the final dad is Mike Pearlman's dad. He said that Mike is a very muscular guy. He said George must have looked him over in the past. Mike said he doesn't think so. Howard said he's assuming that his dad will pass his evaluation. Howard played the clip and George said that this guy has a nice smile and his face is nice shaped. He said he has hair on his chest. He said he would read that book and he seems to be worth looking into. He talked about what he would do to him. He went into detail about working his way down on him and hug and wrap his legs around him. He gave him a 9 out of 10.
Howard said wow to that. He said what a sexy evaluation that was. Mike said he's not sure how to take that. Howard said what they've learned today on this father's day special is that George wants a threesome with Will and his dad. Brad said that the staff are handsome men. The guys thanked him for that.
Howard said George can be brutal with his evaluations. He said it must be hard to take for Brad. George said he loves Brad and he's a good soul. He said he chuckles at him. He said that he makes him happy. Howard said that's good. Brad said that he never told him what he said in that room about those men. He said this is why he has to evaluate him 24/7. He said he's a loose cannon.
Howard asked if he would rather fuck the young Richard Montana or Mike's father. George laughed and said he can't win at this game. Fake George said ''Both!''
Howard said they have a wonderful surprise for George. He said they have Mike's dad and Will's dad there to blow him now if Brad will give permission. Brad said for today it's fine. Howard said he thinks about George as a free spirit. He said thank god he came out of the closet and that he's able to give his opinions. George said he's free to a fault. Howard said he wants to compliment Brad on letting George be free. He said he could have said he didn't want him looking at these men. He said what a wonderful tribute to fathers everywhere. Robin said some of the fathers got some love today. Howard said 2 did.
George said he's sorry for talking about those men in that way. Howard said his dad won't know since he's so out of it. He said his father is turning 99 next month. George said that's fantastic. Howard said go visit him and see how fantastic it is. George said his mother lived to the age of 104. Howard said working out the way he does he may live to 110. He asked if he ever thinks about that. George said he is conscious of the years that pass. He said he reads obituaries. He said that when someone dies at 95 he thinks about how that's 10 more years. He said he reads about someone passing at 71. He said he will think about all of that.
Howard said the days must pass quickly now. George said it's warp speed. He said they were asked to come on the show 2 weeks ago and that 2 weeks went by very fast. He said it was like yesterday.
Howard asked if George is scared. George said he appreciates every day. He said his grandmother loved birthdays but then she started lying about her age. He said she was making it higher than she actually was. He said they told her that she's not 101 and they showed her 100 and she said she counts Japanese way. He said when she turned 101 she said she was 103.
Howard said he was thinking George was just 80 and he was told this morning that he's 85 and that shows the passing of time. He said he was thinking about him 5 years ago.
Howard asked George if he thinks there is an afterlife. George said he is a Buddhist and he thinks that we will still be around after we pass. He said he had scallops last night. He said parts of that are in him now. He said he is part of that scallop. He said that he will have some vegetables and its all about the recycling of the atoms and all of that. He said when he passes he will become part of the trees that grow into him when he's in the ground. He said he's going to live on as one as a larger whole. Fun George said that when he eats ass he becomes part of that ass.
Howard said the bad news is that they're going to bury him next to Jason's father who was a negative 1. Howard asked George who will be the last remaining Star Trek member alive. He said Shatner is in his 90s. George said he's the youngest of the staff. He said Nichelle is like 89. He said Walter is a year older than him. He said that he's 86. Howard asked if he thinks he'll be the last remaining one. George said he's part of the larger whole.
Howard talked to Fun George about what he ate last night. He talked about having blueberries and things like that. He used a lot of the real George's sayings.
Howard asked if George would be the next in command if Shatner died next. George said he would be his equal. He said he's the captain of the Excelsior. Howard asked what kind of killing he'd make at the conventions if Shatner died. He said that must be true. He asked Brad if his price would go up. Brad said ''Well, yeah...'' and said he doesn't want to think like that.
Howard had a knock at the door and it was fake William Shatner who said George is going to be sleeping with the scallops. He said he saw him in the parade and he hasn't stopped laughing at him since he saw him on the golf cart. Howard had George and fake Shatner throwing jabs at each other. Howard said they have had their differences over the years. George said he calls it as he sees it. He said Bill sees other things.
Howard said he would like Bill to perform a song for them. Bill said he'd like to do the Wan-Wan song. He did that in his very unique way. George explained what that whole Wan-Wan song is about. He said that's the way dogs bark in Japan and his mother used to sing a song to him about that.
Shatner was talking about why he doesn't go to the funerals of the people who were in Star Trek. George has gone to all of them. George was arguing about all of that with the fake Bill Shatner.
Howard asked if George found Bill attractive on set. He asked if he walked on set and found him attractive. George said he had seen Bill before they did the show together. He said he was in a play on Broadway. He said he was in a play with a very good actress. He can't remember her name. He said Bill was in that and he remembers seeing his name on the program. He said he saw him in a movie and he thought he was a good actor. Howard asked what he thought of him physically. George said he thought he was attractive and a good actor. He said he met him on set and he was reveling on that bridge set. He said the focus was on him and he was eating up the attention. He said he thought he enjoyed the center of attention but there were no sexual feelings.
Howard said they had a lot of fun today. He wanted to thank all of the dads out there. He said even the ones who aren't that attractive. He said that ugly people matter too. George said they make great staffers of the Howard Stern Show. Robin said if you don't have good looks they had better develop other skills that George would like. Howard said they love it when George and Brad are on. He said he wishes they live long and prosper. He said thanks for joining them. He gave the Vulcan sign to them and wrapped up. Howard let them go a short time later.
Howard asked how much fun that was. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and talked about the song and the album that song came from that was so good. He said he doesn't think she needed harmonica on that song. He said that 90 percent of the music you've heard over the years didn't need harmonica. He said Blues Traveler did it right but most people should avoid using it. He said that Alanis should be in the rock and roll hall of fame but she should not have used harmonica.
Howard asked Bill Shatner if he likes harmonica. Fake Bill said he's not a fan. He said it's the worst. Howard said he has to thank him for talking to George today. Bill started to sing his version of ''Head Over Feet.'' Howard said he loves that interpretation of the song. He let him go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Stevie Wonder plays harmonica. Howard said he's one of the most brilliant musicians in the world but the sound is annoying and it's not necessary. He said if you took the harmonica out of his songs it would be fine.
Howard said he won't say any more about harmonica other than if your kid is playing it take it away from them.
Howard said he has to give a shout out to Tradio. He said Sal and Richard listen to it religiously. He said this guy will come on and say you can't do something and Richard and Sal will call in and do it. He said this time a guy called in to sell an item but the guy won't take text messages. He said that Sal and Richard heard that and that's all they wanted to do. Howard played the new phony phone call where Richard and Sal heard the host talking about this texting ban and then they call in saying they have to text. Richard called in as Rusty and said he doesn't have time to talk on the phone. He said he wants to text. Sal called in and said he will text the host and he can talk to the guy who didn't want texts. Sal said he was going to text the guy. The host was explaining why they can't do this. Sal and Richard called in a couple more times and made the guy nuts.
Howard said that's great. He said they will make you mental if you tell them not to do something. He said Richard and Sal got Tradio to change their rules.
Howard said he was thinking that the Tradio theme song might be a good song to use Harmonica on.
Howard found out that Tan Mom is topless but wearing bottoms by the pool. Howard asked if she has backed off of the tanning. She said she has. She said she likes her skin better on her face. She said she has clearer skin now. She said he looks 100 percent better than she used to. Howard asked if she has something on her head covering up. She said she has a hat on that says do not disturb. Howard asked if she has a thong on. Tan Mom said it is a thong. She said it's very pretty. She said it's all hand made.
Howard said if he was here he'd see her ass cheeks in the thong. Tan Mom said yes and it's beautiful.
Howard asked if she has ever had a problem with the thong having brown on it. Tan Mom said no. She said she's a very clean person. She said she has wipes she uses.
Howard asked what is a better tan, the booths or a natural tan. She said she prefers a natural tan now. She said she has found that it's better to have a glow than the tanning booth tan. She said she sent a picture of herself to ''Lemet'' to send to him. Howard said he's thinking about a young child making her thong and working and working.
Howard had fake Sean Connery on he line to talk to Tan Mom. He said he's very turned on by her and asked if she's a good shag. Tan Mom said she is when she's into a guy.
Howard asked Tan Mom what her status is. He asked if she's single. Tan Mom said he has to get a dating show going for her. She said she can't find someone. Howard asked how long it's been since she had sex. Tan Mom said it's been 8 years. She said she's waiting for someone special to come around. She said she likes a tall guy who is sexy. Howard said he's off the market.
Howard said Tan Mom has an announcement to make. He let her do her thing. Tan Mom said she's enjoying life to the fullest. She said 3 years ago she was in a coma for 15 days. She said that she's alive and having fun now. She said they predicted her to be dead. She said she talked to them from the hospital and she was asked if she saw anything. She said she joked about something and she was in such a fog that she saw herself shopping in the mall. She said what happened is that she saw the other side and the other side is very creepy. She said that she went and followed the other part of life and it was a very wild experience.
Howard asked if she saw the devil. Tan Mom said she thinks it was the devil. She said that the other side was heaven. She said it was such a trip. Howard said what she's saying is that she was in the struggle for her life. Robin said she was saying she was going to be dragged into hell. Howard said that's right. Howard asked if everyone is tan in heaven. Tan Mom said they're not and they're all normal. She said it's a whole other world.
Howard said he'd like to know how she's having so much fun but he's still working. He asked how she's pulling this off. Tan Mom said she had a lot of saved up money from an inheritance. Howard said that's heaven to him.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Bigfoot who said he wanted to give it to her. He asked if she has ever fucked a wild ''aminal.'' He said he'll fuck her right back not a coma. He said he'll lay this pipe right down her throat.
Robin said she has to mention one other thing. She said it sounds like heaven was boring. Tan Mom said it wasn't. She said it was bright and there were no clouds but then it was bright with clouds. Howard said he can't tell you how glad he is to hear this. He said that some people thinks it might be a childish view of what heaven is. He said she's seen it for herself and she knows what's down there and what's up there. He said she said here were no clouds and then there were lots of clouds. Howard said thank god she's with us. He let her go a short time later.
Howard said there's also this show about Brian Wilson that he's been watching. He said that's a good documentary. He said that Brian had some mental issues and he moved in a therapist into his house 24/7. He said that didn't work out so well though. He said he has constant voices in his head telling him that he's no good. He said he has that too but Brian thinks there's someone else there telling him that and it really fucked him up. Robin said the guy is an interesting case. Howard said he thinks it was on PBS that he watched this show. He said that they drove him around and played him some Beach Boys songs and he gets emotional about it.
Howard said he has to tell you about the staff there at the Howard Stern channels putting out a Stern Show Storytellers special about the Beatles. He said it's all things Beatles. He said the show is about 20 minutes long and it's on the app. He said it's up on the app now.
Howard said they always try to present stuff to you on the app. He said they're going to do that four times a year and they're working on that now. He said they're doing a David Letterman one soon. He said that he has watched David interviewing Dustin Hoffman and Robert De Niro at the same time and it's the greatest interview he's ever seen. He said it's one of the most fun things. He said he's just so funny with those two. He said he can't resist watching it. He said De Niro won't even look at Dave. He said Dave asked a question and Bob didn't answer and Dave said he knew he had a car waiting outside and he had to go. He said it was just so funny. He said Dustin said that's why Dave had been doing it for 28 years. Howard said you have to Google that interview and watch it.
Howard said Dustin Hoffman had to answered everything in the interview. He said Dave just dealt with it so well. He said no one can deal with that stuff as well as Dave.
Howard said he used to watch a cartoon called Mr. Magoo and he thinks it would be considered politically incorrect to show it now. He said he couldn't see and he would crash in a car and almost get hit by cars and things on the street. He said that he's guessing that today everyone is so offended that people wouldn't watch it now. Robin said she's not sure if that's still around or not. Howard said he wants to know.
Howard said they have some Foy Vance songs up on the app now too. He said he did some performances in their studio when he was in L.A. He said you have to check them out. He said he's got a lot of talent. He played a little bit of one of the performances he did there in studio. Howard said the guy reminds him of some old school rock and roll guys.
Howard said Russo is pissed he's not in the hall of fame but it really doesn't matter. He said Mad Dog was on the show complaining about Mike Francesca being in and he's not. He played a clip of Mad Dog talking about it on the show. He wanted him to induct him if he ever got in. Howard said there's no way he'd ever do that.
Howard said he was being honest. He said he's not looking to go there. He asked if Robin is in the hall of fame. Robin said yes. She said she's one of the few cast members that have ever made it in. She said it's usually the head guy who makes it in. Robin said Mike and Mad Dog were equals and they should both be in. Howard said he said to Mad Dog that he shouldn't give a shit. He said he's making good money and he won in life already. He said he was inducted to the radio hall of fame in 2012 and he didn't attend. He said Robin was inducted in 2017 and didn't go.
Howard said it says here that the nominees include Craig Carton and Evan Roberts are in. He said Evan was in Private Parts and used the N-word as the kid in the back of his mother's car. He said now he's on radio. He said these guys were proposing that Gary Dell'Abate should be inducted into the hall of fame. Howard asked if you can imagine that. He asked Gary if he thinks he should be in. Gary said he thinks if anyone should be in there it's Fred. Howard asked Fred if he thinks he should be in. Fred said he doesn't think so. He said he thinks that it's all bullshit like the Rock and Roll hall of fame. He said it's like being in the special Olympics. He said it was a cheap joke but he had to take it.
Howard played a clip of Carton and Roberts talking about why they think Gary should be in the hall of fame.
Howard said he does think that this guy Al Dukes should be in the hall of fame before Gary. He wasn't even sure who that was. Gary said he works at WFAN. He said he worked with them at K-Rock for a while too. Howard said he thinks it was nice of those guys to say that Gary belongs in there.
Howard said he was talking to Jimmy Kimmel and he was listening to the show and liked hearing about him saying that only Gary's teeth and knees will be left when he dies and gets buried. He said Jimmy found that very funny.
Howard said here's who is nominated for the hall of fame. He said Mad Dog Russo is one. He said they have Broadway Bill Lee from CBS FM. He said he has seen tape of this guy and he should be in the radio hall of fame. He said the guy works hard and does his job well. He said he's played tapes of him on the air before. He asked if they have any to play. He said the guy sounds like an announcer. He said he sounds like a guy who broke into a radio station and took it over.
The guys had some Broadway Bill Lee clips to play. Howard said he has no idea what the fuck they're talking about when they do their thing. He tried to do an impression of Bill doing his talk up. He said he never knows what they're talking about. He said that's why he could never go into top 40 radio.
Howard played more clips and tried to emulate what Bill was doing. He was out of breath trying to do it.
Howard said he has no idea what the fuck the guy is saying. He said that's when you know the guy is good.
Howard said when he was a kid he though he was mentally deficient. He said they had all kinds of guys like this. He said he thought they had all gone mad. He said there were only like 15 stations he was able to apply to when he was looking for a job. He said he had to find somewhere that they talked like normal. He said he wasn't able to get the records on that quick. He said you had to sound like you were mental. Robin said they had a guy named Fat Daddy in Baltimore and he would just say stuff that didn't make sense at all. She said that it was all nonsense.
Howard said he has Broadway Bill Lee on the phone. He took the call and fake Broadway Bill Lee did his thing introducing a song for him.
Howard read some of the other names for the radio hall of fame nominees. He said Carol Miller is another one. He said she was on radio when he was coming up. He said Charles Laquidara is also on the list. He said he was on up in Boston when he was going to college. He said Pat St. John is another one. He said they're all good and he supports these people. He said Pat had a great voice. He said the guy looked like a lion the first time he saw him. He said he looked half lion and half man.
Howard said he thinks Mad Dog and all of these people he just mentioned should be in the hall of fame. Gary said Steve Van Zandt is on the list too. Howard said he has to say something. He said have a heart. He said the guy has had a great career and let some of these other guys in ahead of him. He said Steven should say that he doesn't want it like Dolly Parton did with the Rock and Roll hall of fame.
Gary read some other names from the nominee list. He said that he had Walt Baby Love on the list. Howard said he knows that name. Gary said there was someone else out of Chicago named Kevin Mathews. Howard said he doesn't know his work but he does know the name. Gary said there's also Susan Waldman. Howard said he doesn't know her either. He said just put them all in at once. He said he doesn't give a shit.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Casey Kasem from heaven. He said they all suck and the rhyming thing is just to cover up bad radio voices. Howard got rid of Casey pretty quick.
Howard said to go to this hall of fame you have to buy a table. Gary said that was the rock and roll hall of fame. He said a table is $100,000 for 10 people. Howard said they have some nerve. He said he was at one of those tables when Bon Jovi got in. Gary said he thinks that Jon Bon Jovi bought 4 or 5 tables that night.
Howard said the radio hall of fame tables are $10. He said that they'd have to pick the people to sit there. He said Gary would have to be there. Robin said she thinks of the early days with Fred. Howard said Fred is the correct answer. Gary said he agrees.
Howard asked Robin if she only had one seat left and it's between JD or Ronnie who do you choose. Robin said she's going with JD. Gary said that's wrong. He said Ronnie has been with the show forever. Robin said JD has brought a lot to the show in a short time. JD said Ronnie has too. Howard asked Ronnie what he thinks. Ronnie said it should be him. JD agreed it should be Ronnie.
Howard and the guys talked about a bunch of great things that JD and Ronnie have done on the show over the years.
Howard said they're going with Ronnie. He said the correct answer was Ronnie so there you go.
Howard said lets say that JD is there and Ronnie is there at the table. He said there's just one left for either Richard or Sal. Robin said maybe one can sit on the other's lap. Howard said Richard got the job and came in first place. He said Sal has done great things on the show. He asked Robin who she thinks would be there. Richard said he has bled for the show. He said he got his balls shocked along with Sal but that was a lot of pain. He said he let Sal lick his balls too.
Howard had Sal give his reasons to sit at the table. Sal said that he had to grow smegma in his cock for Richard to take on his face. Richard said that Sarah Silverman smelled his balls. Sal said he took his own penis and shoved it up his own asshole. Howard said how about the time Sal got caught jerking off at work. Robin said how about the time Sal thought his penis was gone.
Gary gave a few things that Sal did on the show that got him the seat at that table. Sal said he would give his seat to Richard. Howard said Sal once told Bobby Flay that his burger was better than sex. He said he did that apology thing. He said that Richard streaked in the Sirius lobby and almost got fired. Richard said he got a talking to that he'll never forget.
Howard and the guys were all talking about the great moments with Sal and Richard. They were going back and forth throwing out story after story. Howard said he can't pick between these two. He said it's too much.
Howard said he was going to say that he was going to ask about Will or Jason at the table but no one cares. He said there you go. He said it's a tough decision.
Howard said he thinks Robin had the right idea with Sal sitting on Richard's lap at the table. He went through the list of people who would be there at the table. Howard said everyone is wonderful. He wrapped up the show and ended it around 10:40am.
Howard said he had a movement yesterday he felt was the size of Pennsylvania. He said he weighed himself and figured he lost a pound but it wasn't that much. He said the bowl was full but he weighed the same. He said he can't explain it.
Howard said he told his wife about Rooster calling in about the ice cream thing and they made a pact that they're going to go to McDonald's to try the soft serve. He said he won't eat a burger because he's not eating meat. He said they're both going to get something like the impossible burger and get a large fries and a shake. Robin asked if he's really going to do that. Howard said he's just going to enjoy it even though he doesn't enjoy anything. He said it was interesting to hear about the chocolate shake thing and how they just use coloring in it to make it ''chocolate.''
Howard said he saw an ice cream truck yesterday but he didn't have any money on him to get anything. He said he would have liked to have gotten something. He said they had the music playing and it was some song he thought had been banned. He said he thought the song was banned. He said he sang the song to his wife about his balls hanging low and swaying to and fro. He said Beth didn't know it was an actual song. He said he asked Google and they had all the lyrics. Robin said she learned it as your ears hanging low. Howard said it was about your balls hanging low. He said that doesn't make sense to have your ears hanging low.
Howard said he was singing that song while the ice cream man had the music playing. Robin said it was ears hang low in the real song. Fred said the song is ''Turkey in the Straw.'' He said he doesn't know the lyrics.
Robin said she saw a thing on YouTube where a black family bought a house in the south and they had all of these original furnishings in it. She said it was well kept by the family that owned it before. She said it urns out it was a plantation and their ancestors worked that plantation.
Howard said he has the lyrics now so he'll sing the song to Turkey in the Straw. Fred played the music again and Howard sang what he had. He had to cut the music off because he wasn't able to sing fast enough to keep up.
The caller, Lisa, said that Harry Styles outed someone at a concert at Wembley Stadium. Robin said Rebel Wilson had to come out because of an article that was about to come out. Howard said he saw that too.
Howard said to answer Lisa's question he would be very happy if Ralph, if he were gay, would come out of the closet. He said only if he feels comfortable with it though. He said he assumes people are telling him the truth so he says he's not gay. He said he knows Chris Wilding went out with Ralph again the other night. He asked him what happened on Sunday. Chris got on and said he and Ralph have been eating outside a lot and while they're doing that they scope out hot guys. He said Ralph would look over his shoulder and he'd let him know if it was a guy or a group of hot guys. He said Ralph did tell him if he thought he'd like them or not.
Howard said Rebel Wilson was warned about this article that was coming out and she scooped them by coming out herself. He said that if Ralph is gay they should encourage him to come out. He said Lisa wants him out if he is gay. Howard asked why that is. Lisa said that she likes Ralph a lot and she has a crush on him. She said that she thought that he was metrosexual at the least. She said she has so much going for him and it was so apparent last week that he is gay. Howard said the sad thing is that they would have known if he was gay if Ronnie had just told him who he was voting for. He said Ralph said he would tell the truth if Ronnie told them who he was voting for. He said they knew he had voted for Trump already. He said he just had to tell the truth. Howard said he couldn't do it for the team. He said it would have been the greatest bit in the show history but he refused to do it.
Ronnie got on and said it was never going to happen. He said Ralph would have come out himself if he really wanted to. Howard asked if he'll tell them who he voted for now. Ronnie told him to stop it.
Howard asked Ronnie if he thinks he'll win. Ronnie said Lenny is pretty fucked up. Howard said they're going to find out who knows more next week. Howard kept asking who the winner will be with different titles for the winner. He said they'll find out when they play JeopHorny.
Howard said he thinks Ronnie will do very well in this. He said he went through the questions last night. He said they'll have to see what happens. He said Lenny claims to know a lot. He said they'll find out if he can be the leader of labia or the victor of vulva.
Howard said Ronnie has to do a smackdown of Lenny before the game. He said he has to try to get into his head. Ronnie said he has to play with his head. Howard said that's right. He said he has to talk some shit to him and psych him out.
Fred did his Ronnie puppet thing and had him talking about all of the things he's done sexually. Howard had a theme song for JeopHorny that he played. Howard said he'll be the host Alex Tremuff. He said he was up all night coming up with that.
Howard said he's looking forward to the bit. He said he thinks Ronnie will do very well.
Howard said he had sex with his wife yesterday. He said Beth told him she was on her period but she sent him a selfie of herself standing in the bathroom in her bra and panties. He said he said ''let's go'' and he wanted to get her going. He said she old him her period hadn't come yet so he took her. He said he was like Ronnie. He said noting went in his ass though. He said he had a new position he wanted to try out but he didn't do that. He said they didn't get to it. He said he was quick on the draw and he had to get back to work.
Ronnie said he had the weirdest thing happen to him on Sunday. He said he woke up Sunday morning and he was all charged up. He said Stephanie was in the shower so he played like he didn't care she was in there. He said he was shaving and then he couldn't resist anymore and he walked into the shower and did her in there. He said when he blew his load. He said he got all light headed. He said it was fucking crazy. Howard said that load almost knocked him out. Ronnie said it did. He said he almost fell on the floor. He said he made sure he finished after that.
Howard said he heard the wedding is in question again. He said she wants 150 people but Ronnie doesn't want that. Ronnie said he told her to do whatever she wants. He said he'll do the 150 people if she wants. He said she has a place picked out already. Jon Blitt said get on it and do it. Ronnie said he doesn't need him. Blitt said he heard last week he didn't want to do 150 people. Ronnie said as long as she takes control of it then he's fine with it. Blitt said he's bending the truth and he said it wasn't going to happen. Ronnie said he said it was up to her. He said he would agree to it if she wanted it.
Ronnie said this weirdo wants to send JD out there to live in their bedroom and sleep on a cot. Blitt said he wants him to go out there like a reporter to tell them what happens in there. JD said there's no way that's happening. Howard asked Jon if he thinks Ronnie is delaying the wedding. Ronnie said he's not. He said it's all up to Stephanie and she hasn't even thought about it. Jon said he thinks Ronnie isn't into doing the big wedding. He said he's dragging his feet on it. Ronnie said he's not though. Howard said they've only been engaged for 15 years so it's not that long. Blitt said maybe he's holding on to something. Ronnie said he's too old for that. He said he told her to just take the reigns and do it.
Howard said he had to propose to Stephanie for Ronnie. He said he may have to marry her too. He said thanks to the guys and let them go. He said Ronnie and Lenny will go at it next week in JeopHorny.
Howard said Ronnie could have gotten them the answer on Ralph but he wouldn't tell them who he voted for. Robin said hopefully this game will change that whole thing. Lisa wished Howard a good summer. Howard said he has seen Ralph with women. He said the relationships haven't lasted that long though. He said he has fucked some women. He said he's seen him at the strip clubs and he had a boner when the girls were lap dancing for him. He said it was actually pretty dark in there. He said he doesn't know what was going on there. He said he did meet women he dated. He said he believes the boy when he tells him he's straight. He said a lot of people think there are things about him that point to him being gay.
Howard said his wife even thought Ralph was gay from the moment she met him. He said Ralph met her before he did. He said Beth told him she thought he was a gay man she could go shopping with.
Howard said Ralph thought he was cock blocking him when he came into the club that night. He said he thought he had stolen his girl. He said he didn't though. He said Beth thought he was gay.
Howard said now they're at Catherine Schwarzenegger's house. He said she can't organize her garage. He said they're helping her out with that. He said she's married to Chris Pratt. He said they were telling them to throw out a bunch of stuff. He said he doesn't know. He said he's into organizing. He said he's trying to organize his desk. Robin said he should have them over to his house. Howard said he was thinking about that. He said the have a whole team working on this stuff. He said they have like 10 people. He said they have guys who build shelves and stuff. He said he'd want it to happen but not for TV. He said he has so much to do. He said he has a lot of stuff in the attic. He said they have a lot of stuff that should be thrown out. He said he wants one area in the attic to keep his stuff. He said he wants them up there and not in his office. He said he wants to go up there and get some things. He said everyone touches his shit. He said the whole attic is full of stuff and people keep moving stuff around. He said he asked why it's moved around and Beth said he wasn't supposed to go up there.
Howard said he wants one area where they don't move his stuff. He said that's all he wants. He said he has a space up there now that Beth claims she won't move but he doesn't believe it.
Ralph said Chris doesn't know what's going on either. He said he's high as a kite and he's not checking out guys with him. He said he's laughing at him over the guys he's checking out. Chris said how dare you. They argued over that whole thing for a minute.
Ralph said all he'll say is he's not a gay man and there's no closet to come out of. He said that's it. Chris said that he never said anything about him being gay. Ralph said he heard what happened earlier. Chris said that a lady called in and Howard asked him about it. Ralph said he went to dinner with him and he got on to get air time. Chris said that's not the case. Ralph said if he did fuck Chris he would report it right away. He said he just wants air time.
Howard said he's not going to go on with this. He said he's a straight man. Robin said he didn't say that. Howard asked if he is straight. Ralph said yes, completely, can't you tell? Howard said he has to say it's hard to hear a straight man break up with his gay boyfriend. Chris said they do this once a week. Howard said Ralph is straight and that's that.
Ralph asked how this Lisa looks. Howard said he didn't ask. Howard asked the guys on the show if they think Ralph is straight. Robin said she believes he's not gay. Howard asked what that means. Robin said he could be a lot of different things. Howard asked if he's trans. Chris said he thinks he's Q which is questioning. Howard let Ralph to and said go do whatever you want. Howard said he can't spend the whole show talking about his sexuality.
Howard said he doesn't think anyone believes his statement. He said JD said he thinks that he's bi/fluid. Howard asked what that is. JD said he thinks he'll go with whoever he likes. He said it's men or women or whoever. He said he's pro-fun.
Howard said alright then. He said they did a poll and 20 out of 25 people on the staff think he's bi.
Howard said he's bailing on this show Home Edit. He said he's done with it.
Howard played a clip of Suzanne talking about this anniversary. She said that he'll be 125 years old this year. She said that she has not been asked to do any of her dance for the celebration this year.
Howard said he should mention that Suzanne wants to mention the anniversary on Jimmy Kimmel's show. He said he had her on the show 16 years ago and she's been obsessed with him ever since. He had some audio of her talking to Jimmy through their show. She was pleading with him to mention this on his show.
Howard said she's very passionate about that whole thing. He said at one point she went to grab her paperback copy of Dracula. He said he's not sure what's going on but she starts making odd noises like she's in distress. He said he's not sure what that is. He played the clip of Suzanne going to find the book and making grunting and weeping noises. She came back and said she's back now and spoke in her normal voice.
Howard said they asked Suzanne about this Balthazar guy and if she would speak with him. He said they asked her if he's a real vampire and they had to beg her to do this. He said here they are meeting on the phone. He said things got off to a rocky start. He said it was horrible. Howard played the clip and Balthazar introduced himself to Suzanne and she said that he's already contradicting himself. She said he's out in the daylight hours. The two of them argued about that thing. He said he is sensitive to daylight but not harmed by it. Suzanne was near tears trying to speak and this guy was interrupting her to finish what he was saying.
Howard said he knows Suzanne is very religious and he's not sure how down she is with the gay thing. He said Balthazar said he was feeding during gay sex and that got Suzanne upset. He said it was a lot for her to digest. Howard played that clip and Suzanne was freaking out when she heard about the sex stuff. She was moaning and sounded like she was about to cry.
Howard said Balthazar is the founder of a vampire association. He said he thinks he may be the only member. Howard said they asked Suzanne if she thinks he's a real vampire. He played the clip of her talking to Chris about that. She said that he didn't die and rise again so he's not a real vampire. Chris said he did claim he did die for a minute. Suzanne said that he didn't die and get buried so he's not a vampire. Howard said she wants buying any of it.
Howard said at one point Chris and Wolfie were interviewing her and she got upset that she might be insulting them by not getting their names right. Howard played the clip of Wolfie and Chris talking to her and she got the two confused. She got very upset when she got their names wrong and sounded like she was about to cry. She said she has had that happen to her in her life and she feels she has to be perfect. She still got their names wrong but they let her off the hook with that.
Howard said she refused to call Wolfie by his name so she called him Bob. Howard said they just went with that. Howard said there's an update on Underdog. He said they love her. He said the really love her.
Howard said a lot of people talk about Wack Pack and she insists she's not in the Wack Pack. Robin said she may not want to be in it but she is. Howard said she is one of the greatest. He said they talk about all of the different Wack Packers but she is fantastic. He said she has a real personality and rules to live by.
Howard said Eric died in 2014. He said he has to do some math to figure out how long ago that was. He said he will do it later to figure it out. He did his long math and figured he's been gone 8 years. He said they lost him 8 years ago.
Howard said speaking of American Idol they've been on the air for 20 years. He said they may not be counting the years that they were off. He said they did find some big names. He mentioned some of the big stars that have come out of that show. He said that they say that Chris Daughtry is a big star. He said he doesn't believe that. He said no one knows his music. Gary said he had one big hit. He said if they played it they would know it. He didn't know the name of the song though. they played the song ''It's Not Over'' and Howard said he's never heard it. He said this is so not a hit.
Howard said this sounds like Creed. He said no offense to this dude but its not a hit. Gary said he thinks it was in the top 20. Howard said no way. He said give him a break. He said they have to stop doing that. He said the discovered a few people but not this guy. He said they have some big stars like Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson. Gary said Chris was at number 5 on the Billboard charts. He said he had another song that was at number 9. Howard said he had one called ''Home'' that he's never heard. He played some of that. Howard said give him a break. He said this is horrible. He said he's not bad mouthing the guy but he should play at a camp fire instead of making albums.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he was watching Good Morning America over the weekend and they used clips from the show to report on something that happened. He said they were reporting on it like it was something they had done instead of crediting Howard for it. Howard said feel free to use it. He said just give credit or don't.
Howard said they tried to hook Eric the Actor up with Kelly Clarkson but that never worked. He said they did have High Pitch Erik call Eric as Kelly though. He played the call that Erik made to Eric.
Howard said Eric got into Diana DeGarmo after he lost interest in Kelly. He said the got Diana to come into the studio to meet Eric. He said romance never happened though. He played some audio from that show. Eric was saying he hopes they can continue to talk and meet.
Howard said he got Eric laid. He said he got him to the Bunny Ranch. He said he loved that kid. He said Eric loved the show so much he had his own online show about American Idol. He said he had all kinds of technical problems. He said he wishes he was alive now because they've improved that stuff. Howard played some audio from one of those shows Eric did. He was echoing a lot in the clip.
Howard said they have a lot of history with American Idol. He said they had on the hosts. He said they got the whole Sanjaya movement going too. He said they upset Eric with that. He said Eric thought they were going to ruin the show with that. Howard played some audio of Eric complaining about that.
Howard said Benjy saw a broadcast going on down on the street and he broke into that to say ''vote for Sanjaya.'' Howard played that clip where Benjy was interrupting and going crazy on that live broadcast.
Howard said the vote for Sanjaya movement took off. He said it was quite powerful. Howard said this is Sanjaya's final performance on American Idol. He played a clip of that performance. Simon called it ''utterly horrendous.''
Howard said he hates that Simon Cowell. He said he's a lying scum bag. He said he lied to his face. Robin said he called to tell him something he didn't do that he actually did. Howard did his impression of Simon calling him about the leaked emails from Sony. He said he knew that he was eyeing him up at America's Got Talent. He said he had been there for four years and Simon shows up with that girlfriend of his. He said his head spun around when he saw the applause he was getting on the show. He said Simon wanted a show and he said he would work for way less than Howard Stern. He also said that he would keep the show in Hollywood. Howard said then he claimed he didn't write those emails. He said he told him he was quitting anyway so he didn't care if he wrote them or not. He said Simon needs that show, he doesn't. He said if it's that important to him then take his job.
Howard said Sanjaya can actually sing. He said they looked into his life and found out that he's still making music under the name Jaya. He said he doesn't have hair anymore. He said he sings jazz. Howard had some audio of him singing. He said the kid has some talent. He said he can sing. He said they fucked his head up on American Idol.
Howard read about what Jaya has been up to and he has been working and singing. He said a lot of former contestants are cashing in on Cameo. He said that's what Jaya is doing.
Howard said William Hung sang on Idol. He had some audio of him singing ''She Bangs'' in the auditions. Howard said he thinks they put him through. Howard said he's on Cameo. He asked who charges more, William or Jaya. Robin said William. Howard said he gets $33 and Jaya gets $15. He played some examples of what they do on Cameo. Howard said William has given two Ted talks about overcoming negativity.
Howard asked how much Robin thinks Brian Dunkelman makes on there. He said he was the guy who hosted with Ryan Seacrest. Howard said he left the show. Howard said he gets $39 for a Cameo.
Howard went through more and asked about Chris Daughtry or Justin Guarini. Robin said she thinks Guarini gets more. Howard said he gets $100 and Chris gets $195 because he's a big star.
Howard said Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul were on Idol and they are on cameo. He asked who charges more. Robin said it has to be Paula. Howard said she gets $250 and Randy asks $550. Howard said people must be paying that. Howard said most of the people hiring him are businesses. He said he had some examples of his videos. Howard said that's something. He said he's glad he doesn't have to do that. Robin said Simon was stealing his job so he didn't have to do Cameo.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and talked about Billie Joe Armstrong telling him about how he wrote this song in a warehouse he was living in. He said he claims he used a litter box to shit in while he was here. He said Mike Dirnt moved in about a year later.
Howard said he just went to the bathroom during the break and he was thinking about Ronnie almost passing out in the shower. He said that would be a hell of a way to go out. He said he got dizzy from the hot water going and the sex. He said the older he gets the more he sees how tired you can get very quickly. He said he has to sit down sometimes. He said he was out in the heat and he thought he was going to pass out. Robin said he has other issues. Howard said Ronnie hit his life alert and asked for help.
Howard said he was thinking about Nelson Rockefeller and how he died. He said he thinks he was fucking his mistress and he died while he was inside of her. He said what a way to go it would have been for Ronnie. Robin said think about poor Stephanie. Howard said he's thinking about his poor Ronnie. Robin said he could have fallen on her. Howard said the funny thing with Rockefeller is that she wasn't able to get the guy off of her. He said he was like 200 pounds and she couldn't get him off. Ronnie said at that point you don't care.
Robin said the other thing is that his wife was named Happy and there's no way she was happy after that.
Howard said Matthew McConaughey's dad died while having sex with Matthew's mom. He said that's the way to go.
Howard asked Ronnie what this note is that he got about having sex in the pool and not being able to finish. Ronnie said they did it in the pool in the hot tub area. He said she got ass rash from the concrete. He said he was rocking her back and forth so they didn't realize it until it was too late. Robin said that can be painful. She said it's like rug burn. Ronnie said the had to stop and go finish later.
Howard said be careful because the hot tub gets hot. He said he thinks about how much sex he's having and he's shocked. He said it's amazing. Robin said the people you think are having sex aren't doing it. She said it's Ronnie who is. Howard said that's why they're playing JeopHorny next week.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Dice about the jokes and about things going on in the world. Dice said he can't say things like he used to. He said he can't upset everyone with his material.
Howard spent a few minutes with fake Dice talking about the comedy world that exists today. Howard said he can still be edgy. He said he will give him a shot to get back on his game. He asked him what he thinks about this Roe V. Wade thing. Dice said we still have stairs so what's there to worry about.
Howard asked Dice about when Chris Rock got slapped by Will Smith. Dice said he wishes every woman lost their body hair with that alopecia. He said imagine the cunt on that broad without even a stubble. Howard said it really difficult to do this type of material these days.
Howard asked Dice about this Johnny Depp and Amber Heard thing. Dice had some material about that.
Howard had Dice joking about the baby formula shortage, monkey pox and more. Howard asked Dice if he ever watches the shows on TLC like 1000 Pound Sisters. Dice had some material for that. Howard said what about these dating apps. He asked if he knows about Tinder. Dice said in his day they had this thing called Ruffie. He said romance is dead today.
Howard said he has to move on but is there anything else that's ticking him off. Dice said he got a new car and it hits the brakes when someone walks in front. He asked what you do if you wanted to run over your wife. He said it won't let you.
Howard said comics are too afraid to comment on the big topics of the day. He said thanks to him for knocking on their door. He said that everyone is happy to hear from him. He let him go after that. Howard said lest anyone think that was the real Dice. He said figure it out.
Howard said he considers himself a Mets fan because his dad used to bring him to their games. He said he went to like 1. He said then he'd complain that all he did was eat at the game. He said he was bugging him for food the whole time. He said his dad said he would never do it again. He said his father didn't drink but there were a lot of drunks at the game. He said you could smell the booze on their breath. He said he always considered himself a Mets fan even though he doesn't watch the games.
Howard said he used to watch them in the days of Lenny Dykstra and those guys. Gary said it was the 86 Mets. Robin said she became a Mets fan back then too. She said the games were amazing.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if he had a baseball glove that his dad got him as a kid. Howard said he did have a glove but he didn't have a father who played ball with him. He said he would play with his friends. He said he would play first base. He said that was easy. He said he would get hits but no one ever really taught him how to play. He said he still has a baseball glove that he was going to throw out. He said he can't bring himself to throw it out. He said he has it folded so it stays in shape. He said he doesn't oil it though. He said if he did there would be something wrong with him. He said he's had it for years but he's going to throw it out.
Robin asked why he won't throw it out. Howard said he has this ''what if'' syndrome going on. He said he thinks that someone is going to ask him to play catch. He said that he should just throw it out. The caller said maybe Gary should take it. Howard said he doesn't want him having it.
Howard said he played catch with his father once. He said they did that and he threw the ball to his dad and hit him in the nuts. He said it was the only time they played catch. He said his father blamed him for not knowing how to throw. He said he threw it to the guy straight on and he missed. He said he wasn't man enough to admit he was the one who didn't do it right. Howard said it was horrible. The caller said that's what they call 2 balls and a strike. Howard said she should be a comedian.
Robin said Howard's dad didn't know anything about being a dad to a son. Howard said he knew how to check him for a hernia. He said he knew how to yell about Chinese food buffets. He said his mother would always correct him about speaking correctly but she'd say ''boo-fay'' when she said buffet. He said everything was a hassle in that house.
Howard explained what a nightmare the whole buffet thing is. He went over how people say they can eat as much as the want when it's ''all you can eat'' and how people take advantage of that. Howard said people abuse it. He said he saw a guy put spare ribs in his pocket once. He said people are unbelievable.
The caller said she used to go to a Mongolian buffet on Staten Island and these big guys came in and they didn't leave until they saw how much they ate. She said they asked how they stay in business and they said that they get people like her in there who don't eat that much.
Howard said his parents would go and they would talk about the people waiting for the food to come out to the buffet and run to get their shrimp and things like that.
Howard did his impression of his parents talking about going to the buffet and talking about the people there.
Howard said he used to get bagels and seltzer for the staff. He said Benjy would fill up his back pack with that stuff. He said Jackie used to do that with water. He said he would take home a bunch of bottles because they were free. Gary started to explain something that Jackie would take and Howard dumped out of it. He said Gary has some memory.
Howard said his point is that he would get lectured by his parents. He said Richard used to go to the buffet thing and they had to change their policy because of Richard. He said he went to a place where he ran the place out of champagne. Richard said they chased him out of those places. Howard said it was a one price for all you can drink and Richard would sit there for 8 hours. Robin asked if he ever felt funny about that. Richard said no. He said he was kind of proud of that because they got the place to change their rules about the drinking.
Richard said he has a lot of buffet stories. He said he would go to the Pizza Hut buffet. He said he has talked about that before. He said back then it was like $2.99 or something. He said it was great people watching. He said he remembered a heavy woman going up and yelling at the manager about there being too much thin crust pizza at the buffet. He said she wanted thick crust. He said he wanted to tell her to just stack up the slices of thin crust to make a thick piece. He said then that woman went into the bathroom for 17 minutes and came back out for the dessert pizza.
Howard said he and Beth were talking about how they have to go to the buffet before they die. He said even Beth said they had to go but they wanted to go before everyone else gets there. He said they don't want to be touching anything other people are touching.
Richard said he read that this buffet he was at got 150 health violations and they were going to be closing down. He said they were taking food and putting it back in the buffet. He said they had roaches too.
Howard said High Pitch Erik used to go to the buffet. He had him on the phone so he asked him about going. Erik said he could eat like 60 pieces of sushi. He said they never asked him to stop. Howard asked what the best buffet is. Erik said Swizzler was the best. He said they had all kinds of stuff he could eat for breakfast. He said he went to IHOP for all you can eat pancakes too. Howard asked if they just put up with him. Erik said they did. He said that's how they make their money. He said they can't kick you out.
Howard asked how long he'd sit there. Erik said sometimes 7 and a half hours. Richard asked if he would shit to make more room. Erik said he would absolutely.
Erik said he has to get surgery next month so he has to stock up on food. Robin asked what he's getting done. Erik said he has back problems that he has to get taken care of. Howard said he's fine.
Howard and Richard asked Erik a bunch of questions about what he was eating at the buffet. They played a High Pitch Erik eating tip and then a phony phone call Richard made to a buffet where he asked about all of the stuff they have out and the woman read the list to him.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she's been to the buffet with Erik. She said that he's not the only one eating like that. She said it's everyone piling food up. Howard asked how great this country is. He said you don't see food like that in every country. He said there are still people who abuse it.
Howard did more of his parents talking about the buffet and the correct way to do it. He said they take one trip up for food and one trip up for dessert.
Howard said his parents used to go to this restaurant and the place was named by the guy who owned it. He said he won't say what it was. He said his father would complain about the owner coming over to tell them about his life. He said that they didn't want to know anything about the guy. He did his impression of his parents complaining about that. Howard said his parents would just rip people apart.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said the Golden Corral in the Bronx has a great all you can eat buffet. He said they had a pyramid of fried chicken there. He said they don't want the wings though so they pick through it. He said it's crazy. Howard said he hasn't been to one.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Dan Rather who said he was at the buffet in the Bronx and it was worse than anything he saw during war. He said people are selling their children to get money for the buffet. He said it's utter chaos.
King said the other thing they do there is they have prime rib and they tell the guy to move the fork over to get a thicker piece. Howard said why not just get two pieces. King said they want their plate to look full. He said he was full after just one plate full but everyone wants more food. Howard said you can't just get one dessert. He said you have to eat it all.
Richard said he went to a Golden Corral once and one person had nothing but pies and cakes on their plate.
Robin said they have to give anyone who asks for one a scooter in Las Vegas. Robin said they will order like 20 beers and have it all sitting in the scooter so they don't have to move a muscle while the play all day long.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he went to Golden Corral in Florida and it was disgusting. He said they had fat people piling food up. He said it was like all High Pitch Eriks there. He said they never went back.
Richard said the other thing people do is wait to see who will take the last piece of pizza. He said they wait because everyone wants fresh pizza. Robin said when the new one comes out they put the old piece on top of the new. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and talked up the song and said this is one of the greatest songs ever. He said his man was happy. He said he asked the guy if he could make a living with one hit. He said he made about 60 grand a year from it and it was enough for him. Howard said that sounds good to him.
Howard said he has a couple of things. He said bad news right now. He said all John Hinckley concerts have been canceled. He said the failed presidential assassin was freed by the courts to bring his music to the world. He played some of his music and said that they canceled because there were threats of violence if he had performed. Howard said its really sad how unsafe the world is with all of these nuts running around the world. He said John was concerned for his audience's safety but there's no one scarier than this guy.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake John Hinckley who was saying that safety always comes first at his concerts. He said he'd like to perform his new song here. He said he wants to perform this for the woman in his life, Ellen Degeneres. Howard let him do his thing. Howard said he thought he was in love with Jodi Foster. John said Ellen is his new blond princess. He said if that doesn't work he'll do whatever he has to for her. He cocked a gun before Howard closed the door on him.
Howard said 67 percent of the country is fully vaccinated. He said they have vaccines for kids as young as 6 months now. He said thank god for that.
Robin said they talked about Hershel Walker last week and they found a fourth son that he didn't mention. Robin said they found that one and then a few more that he isn't supporting. Robin said they keep finding kids that no one knew he had. Robin said he also agreed to a debate. Howard said he will tune in for that. He said he hopes that's on national TV.
Howard said some of the fans wrote in about Hershel Walker. He read some of the feedback he got about that and played some of Walker's moronic comments about the Uvalde shooting. Howard said he hopes he wins so we can have a funny senate and more of a nightmare.
Howard said many fans recalled the day that he interviewed Hershel Walker in 2010. He said he didn't even remember that. Howard said some of the fans said that he came off as a crazy person on the show. Howard said he talked about his multiple personality disorder when he was on. He played a clip from that interview.
Howard said then in the same interview he claimed to have played Russian Roulette. He said that was some revelation. Howard played a clip of Hershel talking about that too. Howard said so there you go. He said in that same interview Hershel claims that he never masturbates and has never seen porn. He said one listener turned him on to a new fact about Hershel. He said that he has illegitimate kids but he bashes other people for the same thing.
Howard said some people wrote in about George and Brad at the Japan Day parade. He read through some of that feedback.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this whole COVID thing is not a joke. He said he's been very careful but he has a 102 fever right now and it's not fun. He said keep hiding out in his house. He said he thinks he got it from his daughter who is home from college. Howard said he and his wife are still trying to figure it out. He said they're going to test people and have them over. The caller said he took 3 at home tests and they came out negative. He said he took a PCR and it came out positive. Howard said he thinks he's going to end up getting it. He said he has friends who got it and his one friend still doesn't have his sense of taste back. He said it sounds awful. He said most people are going out and doing things. He said he's trying to figure it out. He said he's still masking indoors.
The caller said you definitely don't want this. He said it's not fun. He said he's been listening to the show since the 80s and he appreciates it. Howard asked if he took Paxlovid or not. The caller said he didn't because he has a heart condition and the doctor said don't take it. Howard said Gary took it and things tasted like pennies for days after. Gary said that a friend told him to take throat lozenges. He said it did suck but he got better quickly.
Howard said some fans wrote in about Sal the Psychic. He read through some comments about that and fans think he's out of his mind with that stuff.
Howard said he thinks maybe they've done enough today. He said there's so many things there. He said he had some feedback about the staff dads. He said he doesn't see it there. He said he was going to end the show there with that. He found it and read what the fans were saying about George Takei's interview and his rating the staff dads.
Howard said a lot of Star Trek fans were upset with him for calling George ''Commander Sulu'' when he was actually Captain Sulu. Howard said it sounded funny to him but the fans were really upset with him. He said the fans were thrilled with the staff dads ratings.
Howard said they reached out to the dads after that bit and Richard's dad was fine with the whole thing. Howard played Richard's call to his dad where they talked about that. Howard said he didn't seem to mind.
Howard said Sal's dad was pissed. He said he's quite a ladies man. He played a clip of Sal talking to his dad about that and Sal's dad called George an asshole.
Howard said Will's dad was flattered by it. He said thanks to George and said he wishes him luck taking tours down the torso. Howard said that's kind of cool that his dad is gay for pay. Will said if you pay him enough he may be willing to play ball.
Howard played Mike Pearlman talking to his dad about the ranking. He was fine with it too. He said he'll take that 9 out of 10. He said that coming from George was a plus. He said he appreciates that.
Howard said Jason's dad didn't fare so well. He got a -1 rating. He said they called Jason's mom about it. He said she was all upset about it. He said it was like a reflection on her. Howard played some audio of that discussion. Jason's mom said that he was a wonderful man. Jason said that he thought they were always arguing and she has a different memory of that. He said that what she said about dad was the nicest thing that she ever said about him. He said that he hopes that he knew that. Jason's mom said she always told him how funny he was and how loving he was as a father. Jason said ''Hmmm'' after hearing all of that.
Jason told Howard that they did not get along and she was mean to him in front of his brothers. He said they always heard about how fat he was and it was constant. He said she lives in a fantasy world. He said hearing those words was astounding to him. Howard said everyone becomes a saint when they did. He said it always happens. He wondered what that is. Jason said it must be things that you should have said about them before they die. He said better late than never.
Howard said they played Wolfie's mom the evaluation and she agreed with George on her husband. She said that he didn't take care of himself and he liked his beer on the weekend. She said that gave him his extra layers. She said she agrees with George on his rating. She said there was no class there either.
Wolfie said he got an angry text from his mom about this. He said she was upset about the picture and she wasn't sure where it even came from. He said she was saying that it must have been an affair he was having and it wasn't something she took. Howard said Jason's mom defended Jason's dead father but Wolfie's mom trashed her husband.
Howard said to put a capper on all of this they talked about ice cream with Rooster and they got a lot of feedback about that. He read through some of that. Howard said according to Jon Hein the best ice cream is Dairy Queen.
Howard read some feedback about the Radio hall of fame discussion they had at the end of the show yesterday.
Howard said a lot of people are weighing in on a lot of things. He said enough of this and it's time to end the show. He said Robin has to go and not eat. Howard took a call from Jon Hein audio book who was rambling about Dairy Queen. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:25am.
Howard asked where Chris found this clip he's going to play. Chris said he calls to check in with her and she likes to talk about Jimmy Kimmel and going on his show 16 years ago. He said she wants to go back on and she talks to him about that all the time. He did his impression of her talking about that and the Dracula stuff.
Howard said she likes the Bram Stoker Dracula and that's kind of odd. Chris said he thinks she might be getting out some sexual frustration with that. He said it's an interesting psychological study when you call her. He said she wants to do a fashion show for Jimmy on his show. Howard said if he had a late night show he'd have her on to do that. He said it might not be as big as having Jennifer Aniston or Brad Pitt on but it would be good. Robin said it would be nice to get other people to wear the costumes and have Suzanne comment on it. Chris said that she wouldn't go for that. He had her talking about how that wouldn't work for her.
Howard said what's odd is that she has no doubt that she'd be great on the late night shows. Robin said reality never matches what she thinks. Chris said there's always a letdown or a disappointment.
Howard read through some fan feedback they got about Suzanne after that segment yesterday. The fans were happy to hear her on the show again after such a long time. Chris did his impression of the Dracula guy and Suzanne talking.
Howard played some of the audio of that Balthazar guy and Suzanne's discussion where they were arguing about what vampires can do in daylight or not.
Howard said he's going to be Balthazar and Chris can be Suzanne. They reenacted the discussion where Suzanne was near tears talking about the vampire stuff.
Howard read more feedback about Suzanne and got to the tape of her in chaos when Chris asked her to get a pen. Chris said he's been to her house and it's a bit disorganized. He said it sounds like it's an obstacle course there. Chris said she wanted his number so he asked her to get a pen. He said this is her getting the pen. Howard played the clip and Suzanne went off to get it and she was moaning and sounding like she was crying or near tears trying to find it. She was yelping and making weird noises as she went off to get it. She came back and said she has a pen and she was trying to open one but the point wouldn't come out.
Howard asked how Jimmy doesn't have her on. He said this is amazing. He said it sounds like her house is full of booby traps. Chris said that is what it sounds like. He did his impression of her going through traps all of the house and that's where the yelps are coming from.
Robin said she likes how she talks and says that her pen isn't issuing any ink. Howard said he almost wants to hear that clip again. He said last night when he was listening to it he listened to it like 7 times. He said he just couldn't believe it.
Chris said there are other clips and there's one where she sounds like a chimpanzee when she goes off to get a book. Howard played that clip and Suzanne went off to get the book and then she starts making odd noises. She was grunting and it did sound kind of like a chimp.
Howard said he thinks it's like Curly from the Three Stooges making that ''Woo, woo, woo'' sound. He said just call her every day and ask her to get objects from the house. Chris said he is thinking about doing something like that. He said it would be like Supermarket Sweep.
Howard said maybe she has problems seeing things and she's using sonar to see. He said she's like Daredevil. He said call her and ask her to get a can opener.
Howard and Chris did their impressions of what that might sound like. Chris made chimp sounds as he was looking for stuff.
Howard said Jimmy has to have her on. He said he's busy with the big celebrities but he doesn't need them. He said he just needs her. Howard played the clip of Suzanne going to get the pen again. Chris said sometimes she yells and then yells again. Howard said he has her down pretty good. Chris said she gets seared into your head.
Howard said he's trying to get it down. He tired to do the yell and then the bigger yell. Chris said it's like going into a haunted house and a snake comes out but then a skeleton comes out. He said it's like she's in shock or like people are grabbing her.
Howard said Chris should visit her. He said either that or Jimmy should have her come out from a trap door. Howard asked Suzanne to get some items from her house. Chris did his impression of Suzanne going to get them and making those weird noises.
Howard played a clip of Suzanne talking about going on Kimmel's show. Howard said he's crazy and he should have her on. He said he's spoken to him about it and he thinks it won't work on the show. He said he begs to differ. He said it would work.
Howard played Led Zeppelin's ''Whole Lotta Love'' with Suzanne sounds in it. He said he will be talking to Jimmy in a couple of days off the air. He said he'll talk to him about this. He said he will ask him who he's having on next week and he'll fill him in. He said then he'll tell him none of them are as good as Underdog.
Chris said it would change her life if he could make that pitch as well. Howard said he likes when the vampire guy says he feeds and fucks and she groans. Howard played a clip but that wasn't the right one. He played the one where Suzanne says ''Oh My'' when she hears that the guy drank he blood of one of his boyfriends. Chris did his impression of her after that.
Howard said when he had his TV show he would have had this fashion show on every week but she won't come on. He said he'd give her the whole hour. He said she'd run away though. He said all he had to do was call her Underdog and she's freak out. Chris said it was the Underdog Lady name that she didn't like.
Chris said that Wolfie came on the line with him and she wanted to call him Bob instead. He said she thought Wolfie sounded like a derogatory name for a movie monster. He said he didn't know she was so into monsters. Howard said she's into Dracula heavy and now it sounds like she's into the Wolf Man. Howard played the clip of her going to get that pen again.
Howard said he's not sure what that music is in the background. Chris said it might be the Odd Couple or something. Howard said he'd love to know what that house looks like. Chris said she has a tiny TV and it might be black and white. He said they asked her if she would get a set up so the can Zoom with her but she didn't want to get into all of that.
Howard asked if she's watching TV with rabbit ears and just the three networks. Chris said he does think it's the regular networks and rabbit ears. Howard played more of the clip of her making her weird noises as she was looking for the pen. She gets back to 'normal' when she gets back on the phone. Chris said she must not think he can hear her when she's away from the phone.
Howard said it must be Robin and Suzanne who are watching MeTV. He said they're the only two viewers they have. Robin asked if she's on a land line. Chris said she is. He said it's great for the sound but it's like one step up from a rotary phone. Howard told Chris to keep it up with that.
Howard asked Bobo if he'll retire. Bobo said he might when Howard hangs up the headphones. He said he has like 2 more years to go or something. Howard said Rooster is a good caller. He said he has opinions on things. He said he calls in about fast food and that leads to conversation. He said Bobo asks a question about having sex in the woods. He said the whole camp was in the woods so if he had sex technically he was having it in the woods.
Rooster did his impression of Bobo and goofed on the way he talks. Robin said Bobo has never created a conversation in his life. Bobo said this is his style. Rooster adapted a conversation. Bobo said that he has always done it like this. He said he has gotten a lot of conversations going with his calls.
Fred did his Bobo puppet thing and defended himself against Rooster. He said he wanted to talk about fried chicken. Rooster brought up
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said that Bobo is a Wack Packer for good reason and he thinks Rooster is way off base. Rooster told Mike that he's called in with a lot of topics and not just fast food. He said he can flow with the conversation. Howard said Rooster brought up corrections and that led to a long conversation. He said he also brought up the different fast food stuff and he has weighed in on a lot of things. Mike said that Bobo's calls have led to long show bits over the years.
Howard said lets leave it at this. He said Bobo has a different style. He said he once asked him if when he sits down do his legs turn into a lap. He said he once asked if a leach ever went on his penis at Camp Welmet. Mike asked how he spelled Camp Welmet. Bobo spelled it Welmet. Howard asked if it's spelled like that then why does he say ''Well-Mat.'' Bobo said that's what he saw when he read it. Howard asked if he wants to try it again. Bobo said he will. He read his question again and said it wrong again. Howard had Bobo try again. Bobo read it slower this time.
Howard said that's better. He said he nailed it this time. Robin said he did have to say it slowly though.
Mike said that Bobo has an 87 IQ and he does learn quickly. He said he's a legendary caller. Howard thanked Mike for sticking up for him. Robin asked if he thinks they can't get mad at Bobo because of his IQ. Howard said yeah. He said he doesn't get mad a Bobo over that. He said he thinks it's fabulous. He said he's trying his best.
Rooster asked Bobo about being the new guy on the show and if he cares more about his personal recognition over making good content. Bobo said this is just what he does. He said this is his style. He said he's been like this for 30 years. Howard asked Bobo if his goal is to get personal fame or is he doing it to make good content. Bobo said he's trying to get a good conversation going. He said he's not after the personal fame. Rooster asked if it's his won stuff or is he getting it from other people. Bobo said don't go there.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said Rooster is right and Bobo is all about himself. She said that they have to stop with the excuses. She said she's not even addressing him. She said she could give two shits about him. Bobo said that everyone knows about what she's doing. He said she's blocking him and she's saying bad things about him all over the place. He said shame on her.
Howard said he has to calm this down. He took a call from High Pitch Erik who said that he loves Rooster so much and he's a much better caller than Bobo. Howard said he's a fellow Wack Packer and he likes Rooster better than Bobo. Rooster said he's in the presence of greatness right now. He said he didn't come in there to get out of his own lane. He said he thinks that they should be more appreciative of their spots. He said they're Wack Packers and they are held in a higher regard than regular callers.
High Pitch Erik asked if they can induct Rooster into the Wack Pack. Howard let Erik go and said there's a lot of dumping on Bobo right now. Bobo said he doesn't have anything against Rooster. He said he's happy he has good calls.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been listening since 1985. He said Bobo does nothing but lie. He said what turns him off about him is his lying about everything. He said if Howard got rid of him he'd go on some other radio show. Bobo said no way. He said he's way off base. The caller called him out on the things Bobo has lied about. He said Bobo is a fucking asshole.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that the first red flag about Bobo was when he showed up to the hospital. He said he should have thrown him off the show at that moment. He said he has never done anything but get annihilated on the show. Howard said that is content.
Howard had Mariann back on the phone and she said that she did start posting about Bobo. She said that he did the same thing with her. Bobo said she's just grand standing. He said leave him alone. The two of them were talking over each other. Mariann said that Bobo wrote to her and said that his friendship was valuable to him. Bobo was talking over her and Howard said he's confused. He said Rooster is talking and its too much. Howard said thanks to Bobo for his question and he thanked everyone else for calling in.
Howard said it's a crazy day already and he can't keep up. Robin said there's a lot going on in the Wack Pack lately. She said she's not sure where the love is.
Howard said the fans are excited for the JeopHorny game next week. He said that he's looking forward to that too. He said he can't wait to host that. He played the theme song for the game. They're going to have Ronnie going up against Lenny Dykstra in a game with sex questions. He said they'll be doing that next week. He said some of the fans are so excited about it. He read some feedback about that.
Howard said when they were talking about that yesterday Ronnie raised a wild theory about Lenny. He played a clip of Ronnie talking about how he thinks that Lenny takes shit in his ass too. He said that set Lenny off and he's on fire about that. Howard said they reached out to him about that and he's upset. Howard played the clip of Lenny talking about how much sex he's had and he can't hold a candle to him.
Howard said he likes that the two of them are fired up. Robin said she thought they had some respect between them but that must be over now. Howard said you can't say that you take stuff up the ass and get away with it. Howard said Lenny took offense to it. Ronnie said he's sure he's had ass play. Howard said ask him when he sees him. Ronnie said he will.
Howard said the questions are about pussy so he must think he can do well. Ronnie said of course. He said he's not going to come out and say he's going to beat his ass. He said he's going to take it as it goes.
Howard said Memet talked to Lenny about the ass play stuff and Lenny gets upset if you even ask him about it. Robin said that may mean that he's done something and he's sensitive in that area.
Howard said Lenny told them yesterday that he's eating 12 pussies a day to prepare for this game. Ronnie asked what that even means. Howard said he doesn't know. He said Lenny said that he won't let a woman down by his ass at all. Ronnie said he doesn't know what he's missing out on.
Howard said pussy is like spinach to Lenny if he were Popeye. He said he gets his power from pussy.
Howard said the fans wrote in about Ronnie's wedding too. He read some feedback about that. Some fans were asking why he won't help his wife out with the wedding stuff. Ronnie said that she hasn't started doing anything yet. He said when she's ready we'll see.
Robin said she just heard about a new test to see if you're going to live long. She said if you can stand on a leg for 10 seconds then you're in good health. She said if you can't then you'll die in the next decade. Ronnie said he's going to die in the next decade no matter what. Ronnie tried to do the standing thing and he was able to stay on one leg for more than 10 seconds.
Howard asked Ronnie who won't make the cut on the staff for the wedding. Ronnie said it's always tough. He said it'll be there in Vegas so a lot of people won't come anyway. Howard said some people were worried about him getting lightheaded when he came in the shower. Howard said someone said they learned they had hypertension when that happened to them. Ronnie said he's fine as far as he knows.
Howard had Lenny Dykstra on the phone so he put him on with Ronnie. He said the big match up is coming up next week with him and Ronnie. He said they both sound like they're both prepared for this. He asked what he makes of this ass play thing. Lenny said no fucking way man. He said he tells the women he's with not to do things and if they put anything near his ass he'll break their hand. He said that he's a missionary man.
Howard said he's looking forward to this. He said they're getting both of them out to Los Angeles to do this thing. He said they'll have them all set up out there.
Lenny said he's weird about the ass stuff for a reason. He told Howard a story about how he had a doctor stick his finger up his ass in a check up and he didn't lube up enough so he almost broke the guy's hand. Howard said the guy was just checking his prostate. Lenny said the guy Pearl Harbor'd him. He said he didn't warn him.
Howard said he has no idea what these guys are even talking about at this point. He said that they'll get Lenny on a microphone next week and they'll be able to understand him better.
Howard got Chris on the line and Chris was speaking very clearly compared to Lenny Dykstra. Howard said maybe he didn't have his teeth in.
Chris said that Howard said he was going to do the induction for him if he gets in. Howard said no way. He said he never said that and he has no desire to do that. He asked Chris who he thinks is going to win this JeopHorny thing. Chris said he's going with Lenny. He said he's not going to bet on it because it's not that important.
Chris said he would love for Howard to induct him for this radio hall of fame thing if he gets in. Howard said he's not going to do it. He said he didn't even show up for his own induction. He said he doesn't know if the place even exists anywhere. Chris said he can get them an address. He said he's way ahead of himself at this time anyway.
Howard said he wants him to answer this in a serious manner. He said Mike, his old partner, is in the radio hall of fame. He said he gets that he's a big deal but he doesn't get how they can not be in it together. He said they both did a show together that was big. Chris said he left and Mike stayed on terrestrial radio. He said he did it for another 10 years. He said that he was successful. He said he went to Sirius and he thinks that may have upset the terrestrial people. He said that might be the reason.
Howard said he thinks he should be in with Mike. He said it doesn't make sense to him.
Chris asked what Howard has been up to the last 13 months. Howard said he hasn't left the house. He said he's not going into work like Chris is. Howard said he has friends who have gotten COVID and he's trying to avoid it. Chris said they need him at the building. He said he did get COVID in April and he felt lousy for 16 days. He said he missed a week of work. He said that he had a fever and a cough. He said he does a lot of running and when he got healthy he tried to start running again and he was barely able to get through a mile and a half. He was doing 20-25 miles a week before that.
Chris asked Howard if he thinks he'll get into the radio hall of fame this year. Howard said he should. Howard went through the people who are nominees this year. He said they're all very good and belong in the hall of fame. Howard said Chris too. He said he should be in there.
Howard said the problem with the hall of fame is that they have people from around the country who want to be in too. He said Chris should be getting the votes though. He said he's from New York and he should have the votes. Chris said he has a lot of votes but who knows.
Robin said she used to listen to Mike and the Mad Dog and she wasn't listening for Mike. She said she was listening for Mad Dog.
Howard and Chris talked about Mel Karmazin and how he should be in the radio hall of fame. Howard said he stood up against the FCC and he should be in there. Robin said he changed the face of radio. Mad Dog said that Mel stood up for his employees and no one did that like Mel did.
Howard asked how badly he wants this on a scale of 10. Chris said he's at a 7. He said his life isn't going to end over it.
Howard asked Chris where he stands on this whole LIV golf thing. Chris said from competition he's not sure why they'd do it. He said the best courses are still in the PGA tour. He said he's not sure why that would excite him to go on this LIV thing. Howard said he was against it because of Saudi Arabia but someone made a good point about how we buy oil from them and this is hypocritical to go after this LIV tour. Chris said that's where he was going with that. He said he agrees with that. He said there are other sports that have deals in China and Russia. Chris said he wouldn't go if he was asked to do something like that. He said he'd feel like it was taking blood money or something. Howard read about some of the big names that have jumped ship for this LIV tour. He named a bunch of guys.
Howard said he has Jennifer Witz on the phone. He said that's their boss there at SiriusXM. Howard had fake Jennifer tell Chris he has one year to get into the hall of fame or he's fired. Howard said she wants everyone on the staff to be in the radio hall of fame. Chris went along with the bit and laughed at what she was telling him.
Howard said Chris never looks at other women there. He said he's married and he has never cheated on her. He said he's very focused on sports. He said he doesn't even look at girls. He said that High Pitch Erik is in love with Mad Dog. He said he has a crush on him. Howard had Erik on the phone. Erik said he has listened to Mad Dog for years. He said he loves baseball. He said he loves Chris so much on the show. Howard asked if he's sexually attracted to him. Erik said more than Donnie Wahlberg. He said he would have him blow him and then he'd blow him back. Chris said that's trouble. He asked if they can go back to golf.
Howard said he will go back to baseball. He said the Mets and Yankees are doing very well. He said it's about fucking time. He said they should have winning teams there in New York. Howard asked if they're going to choke again. Chris said the Yankees are 50 and 18 and they have good pitching. He said they don't have a lot of pressure on them. He said they haven't won a championship since 09. He said that the Mets are very interesting too. He spent a minute talking about what's been going on with them. He said that all the pressure in the world will be on the Yankees if the Mets make it into the World Series against them.
Howard said he's excited about his answer. He said that he'd watch that series if they got in together. Robin asked if that's a big deal for the rest of the country. Chris said no. He said they had it in 2000 and they had lousy ratings. He said that's a big problem with baseball. He said that the first game of the World Series this year will be on October 30th. He said it's a Sunday night and they have a Green Bay and Buffalo football game that same night. He said it's not good. He said that will put them head to head.
Howard brought up the Mets and Chris thought he was on top of this stuff. Howard said Gary told him about it. He said he can go into the weeds a little bit.
Howard said Chris loves Bruce Springsteen and he wondered if he was here when he showed up for the Paul McCartney concert. Chris said he was not. He said he has the video. He said that he had Stephen Van Zandt on and he talked to him about doing a tour. He said that will start next February. He said he's going to go to many of those shows. He said he had his wife and daughter over in Ireland and he loved being over there. He said he saw that Bruce will be over there next year so he's going to go to some of those shows over there. Howard said he's going to alert the media. He said that's big news.
Howard said he likes this guy Tom Brady. He said he likes that he can still play at his age. Chris said that Howard's interview with him was great. Howard asked if he thinks Tom can win another Super Bowl at his age. Chris said he does not think so. He said he's pushing his luck. He said he's the greatest quarterback of all time and we all know that. He said he's not sure how he'll do as an analyst. He said that he may not want to open up on other quarterbacks.
Howard asked if Chris is wearing any of Tom's clothing line at all. Chris said he is not. He said that he and Tom have had issues over the years. He said that interview Howard did with him was something. He said what a freaking job he did. He said Tom opened up to him.
Chris asked why he's not bringing up this First Take thing on ESPN. Howard said he's not a sports guy and he doesn't follow it. He asked Chris to tell him what this show is. Chris said he's on the show from 10-12 today. He said he's on every Wednesday. Gary said he's on with Stephen A Smith who kind of makes Chris seem calm. He said he will yell and scream about stuff. Howard asked Chris why go on with a guy who is a screamer like him. He said he might need a calm partner like Mike Francesca. Chris said that Stephen is a great partner. He told a story about two kids who don't listen to him on radio but they do watch him on TV.
Howard said Gary has a story about Stephen A Smith yelling at him. Gary said the guy is a huge deal. He said he was up at Sirius and he said he didn't know he was doing his show up there. He said he yelled at him because he had been doing his show there for 11 years. He said the guy snarled at him. He said that's just the way he is.
Howard said he heard that Chris broke his glasses last week on First Take. He said people said they had a hard time taking him seriously with broken glasses.
Howard said he read that the ratings went up 22 percent when Chris was on. He asked if he thinks that it was because of him. Chris said that Stephen A is an amazing talent. He said he's not taking credit for the ratings going up. Howard said that he went on the show and he raised up the ratings though. Howard asked if Stephen thanked him for helping his show out. Chris said that the guy does a show every day. He said on Wednesdays he does the show and it's 50/50 when they're on together. He said when they were on the day after the Texas shooting Stephen said he would go first because that was a tough thing to do. Chris said he did his thing and he got passionate about the whole thing. He said people were so into it that they got millions of views. He said he had people texting him. He said it's the power of being on that show.
Howard asked Chris when he saw the increase in the ratings did he get a raise. Chris said no. He said he has some dirt for him. He said Stephen A called him in January to do the show. He said he went down and went on for about a half hour. He said 2 days later ESPN reached out to his agent asking him to be on regularly. He said he countered with 40 appearances for the year and he sold himself way short not realizing that the show was going to be so much fun and that people would enjoy it. He said he sold himself and didn't do a good job with the negotiation.
Howard asked how long of a contract did he sign. Chris said 40 appearances. He said Sirius was also nervous about it. He said he shouldn't tell him this but he gave Sirius another year at a flat rate. Robin asked who is negotiating for him. Chris said he should have Howard's guy. He said his guy is great though.
Howard said he is the type of guy who gets all excited when someone wants him. He said he jumps. He said he jumps too fast. He said he should call him first. Chris said he's right and he does want to be liked. He said he should have held out a little bit. He said he should believe in himself. He said he loves doing this stuff though. Howard said he wonders what kind of money he got. Chris said how about per appearance. Howard did some math and wondered if he's getting $2,500 an appearance. Chris said it's north of that. He said give him some credit. Howard said he's afraid with him. Chris adit that's not fair. Howard said he did say it was plus car service. Howard said he has the number. He said he thinks it's $10,000 an appearance. Chris said he nailed it. He asked how he did that. Howard said he channels Mad Dog. He said he figured what he's doing and how he thinks. He said that he figured it was 10 grand. Howard said he could have gotten more out of them.
Chris said they have gotten their money's worth. Howard said absolutely. Howard had fake Mad Dog's agent on the phone. The guys called in with clips of Beetlejuice to play the agent. Howard had hung up on Mad Dog so he asked the guys to get him back on.
Howard got Chris back on the phone and said he's sorry he hung up on him. Chris said he's fine. He said that this is funny with the voices he's been playing. Howard said he has one last thing to talk about. Howard said people probably think there's no reason to complain about 10,000 an appearance. He said Stephen A is probably making millions. He said getting a job like that you have to make the money when you're hot. Chris said he's 62 and white and there aren't many guys who can do that. He said he can't over stay his welcome. Robin asked how fast they accepted that deal. Chris said that they asked him to do it for $7,500 an he could do it half from home and half from the studio. He said he wanted to go in every week into the studio and he said he'd do it for 10 grand and they said yes in 10 seconds. He said he loves doing it because it's fun. Howard said he's right about his age and how he has to get in his good years while he can.
Chris asked Howard if he's still motivated to do radio. Howard said he wouldn't do it if he wasn't. He said he does do the show and complain but that's because he still cares. He said if he didn't care and he was just floating by it wouldn't be a big deal. He said he still cares.
Chris asked if he still gets excited to talk to big stars. Howard said of course he does. He said that he's on today because the guys told him that they ran into him at the building. He said he asked if he still shakes hands. He said they got a shoulder bump. He said he loves Mad Dog and he wanted to ask him about this radio hall of fame thing. He said he told the guys to have him call in and he'll talk to him about it.
Chris asked if Howard misses out on doing shows over the summer. Howard said he's never bored. He said he can sit and watch YouTube videos for 7 hours and not be bored. He told Chris what a day might be like for him and how fast his day goes by. He said he has a lot to keep him busy.
Chris asked if he drinks wine or eats gummies or anything. Howard said he's completely sober. He said he's not doing the gummies thing. Chris said he does that.
Howard said he will tell you something that happens to him. He said when he's not with his audience he gets a little bit out of sorts. He said that he does need a connection with the audience. He said it's difficult to be on vacation. He's doing 112 shows a year (97 last year). He said he's getting older and he's cutting back on shows.
Chris asked if he's raring back on the show in September. Howard said he has to warm up. He said he's in the vacation flow. Chris said he can't be on vacation all the time. Howard said he can. He said there are guys who are passing now and they're around his age. He said they're gone. He named a bunch of them.
Howard asked Chris what he thinks happens when you die. Chris said he thinks you go up and see god. Robin said he can't even get into the radio hall of fame but he thinks he's going to see god. Howard asked if he goes to church. Chris said not every week but he'll go to 40 services a year. Howard asked Chris what the line is when it comes to going to heaven. Chris said he goes to church for 50 years so of course he believes in it. Howard asked if he has fucked a woman out of marriage. Chris asked if he has to talk about that. Howard said yes. Howard asked if he had sex before marriage. Chris said he would hope so. He said he's not perfect. He said that he uses bad language and the bible says don't do that. He said he's not perfect.
Chris asked if his parents are still around. Howard said they are. He said his dad went bonkers last night. He said he lost his mind. He said he had to go to the hospital last night. He said he scared his mom. He said that he has one sister who is four years older than him. He said they don't talk that much but they love each other. He said they take care of their parents together. He said it all works out just fine.
Chris asked where Howard is going when he passes away. Howard said he wants to believe what Chris believes. He said it's a nice fairy tale. He said that he loves his wife and kids and all of that. He said that he hopes that things are the way Chris thinks they are. He said he believes that when you die that's it. He said that's what he's afraid of. Chris said you can't believe that. He said look at the good fortune they've had. Robin asked about all of the people who haven't had that. Chris said that he hopes they all get to go there. He said how about those kids in Uvalde. Howard said those kids get a pass. He said they go to heaven.
Chris asked if he's afraid of death. Howard said yes. He said that's why he hasn't left his house. He said Robin taunts that whole thing. He said she went through Chemo and she went out to a wedding. Robin said no mask either. Chris said good for you.
Howard asked if Chris thinks Mike is going to heaven. Chris said he has a good heart down deep. He said he will go to heaven.
Chris told Howard he read a book called The Boys by Ron and Clint Howard. Howard said he loved that Clint Howard. He said that kid was playing weird aliens and things in TV shows. He said he was a big Clint Howard guy. Chris said he loves Ron Howard. He went over his history with Howard. He said he tried to get them on his show and he wasn't able to do it. He said he could not get them on. Howard asked if they come clean in the book. Chris said they do. He said that Ron met his wife at 16 and he has been with her ever since. Howard said he's had Ron on the show. He said he's a gentleman. He said he liked him very much. He said he won't have Ron on to talk about this book because he does 112 (97!) shows a year and he has maybe one guest a week. He said that's 30 guests. He said he has a lot of people he wants to talk to. He said Ron Howard may not be one that he wants to talk to. He said he will read his book though. He said he took his recommendation about the Laurel Canyon book and he didn't like it. He said he felt the guy was too into Jackson Browne and some of he lesser artists in his opinion.
Chris asked him to give him a second chance. Howard said he'll read this Howard brothers book. He said he'll check that out. He said he loves books where people talk about their careers. He said he does love reading about the rise to fame.
Howard said Chris is a big Carpenters fan. He said he doesn't know anyone who loves them like he does. He asked if he thinks they should be in the Rock and Roll hall of fame. Chris said that Karen Carpenter should be. He said she's got a great voice. Howard said it was middle of the road music though. Howard said he wanted to have him on for 5 minutes and now they're an hour and 17 minutes into it.
Chris said he has to get going to get read for his show. He asked Howard to get Gary to get him a clip of the show so he can listen to it while he's on his walk out on Long Island or down in West Palm or wherever he is.
Howard gave Chris some plugs for his shows and said he's not going to induct him into the hall of fame if he gets in. He said he told him to ask David Letterman to do it. Chris said that he has to help him get in touch with him then. Howard said he can't do that either. He said he just wants to get out of doing this himself.
Howard said there are plenty of guys he could get to induct him. Chris said Howard knows what it's like to do the talk show on radio for year after year. He said he knows what he's been through. Howard said there are plenty of other guys who know. He said ask Mel Karmazin. Chris said he's not even in the hall of fame. He said he doesn't understand that. Chris said he's going to have to go to a different plan of attack. Howard said he'll have to go to Human Newman and ask him to do it. Howard let Chris go a short time later. He said he has a feeling he'll be a hall of famer soon. He said this guy has the gift of gab.
Robin said what a baby-ish view of heaven. Howard said a lot of people need that view. He said don't be a big shot over there. Robin said he thinks he's going to see god. She said if everyone who died is in heaven that place is crowded. Howard said that the guy is a good guy. He said he's very kind to other broadcasters. He said he won't go to heaven himself. He said he's done very bad things to other radio guys when they beat them in the ratings. He said they're horrible people and they're not going anywhere. Robin said that's what she was saying.
Howard went to break after doing a live commercial read.
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Howard came back and said what a song. He said that's Paul McCartney and Wings. He said it refers to rolling a joint.
Howard said he just went and peed and it came out like a sprinkler. He said it went in 27 directions. He said he's not sure what to do about that. He said it ended up everywhere but the toilet. He said he was looking for Clorox wipes to clean up. He said he was feeling good about himself until that happened. He said he's Mr. Hollywood cleaning up his urine.
Howard said he's exhausted. He said he was so upset last night. He said his father acted up right before he went to bed. He said he was yelling and upsetting his mother. He said that he had to get some guys over there to get him to take his medication. He said he was fine earlier in the day. He said he's on Depakote. He said he had to put their cats on some Gabapentin. He said he had a friend who was on that too. He said he's not even sure what it's for.
Howard said his dad wanted to be naked. He said that's an old dude thing apparently. He said no one wants to see that. He said they have to call the guy down and they had to bring him to the emergency room. He said he got all charged up and Beth told him he had to sleep because he has to work. He said his mom is okay and she gets scared by the guy. He said then he throws her off. He said he can't imagine that he'll want to show his penis if he has dementia some day. He said there has to be something deep down that will stop him from showing that thing. Robin said that's when they know he's really off. She said he's really lost it if he's showing his penis.
Howard said he never imagined he'd be taking care of his parents at his age. He said he figured they would be gone by now. He said his mother has made a comeback. He said she's not eating a lot. He said she likes to be in a wheelchair. He said that he told her that she may not be eating because of the COVID she had. He said he hopes that people are wearing masks around them. He said his mother looks ready for another decade. He said we have a problem in this country with people living so long. Robin said people miss their parents. Howard said it's impossible for him to love anyone because he's a narcissist. He said that he loves people the way he loves his television set.
Howard said interviewing people in sports and show business is great. He said these people were able to put together a career where they became superstars. He said it's always interesting to him. He said everyone is interesting if you can get the stories out of them.
The caller said that she saw Ron Howard on with Drew Barrymore and she thinks that would be a great interview. She said she's praying for his parents too. Howard thanked her for the call. He said that he's going to play a game now so he's glad she mentioned the praying thing.
Howard said they have a game to play where they find out what the religious shows are willing to pray for. He said it's Robin's job to guess if they will pray or not. He said they have internet radio now so they have some very kooky shows. He said that this will start out easy and get harder. He said they have to figure out what gets rejected or not.
Howard said in the game they ask for them to please pray for any woman who gets an abortion to have lightning strike them down. Howard played the clip of Sal asking them to pray for that. Robin said that she misunderstood. She said she thinks they will pray for this. Howard played the clip and they did pray for that. The host said that women should close their legs and stop fornicating.
Howard said this is the next setup. He played a clip of Sal asking them to pray for all gay people to turn straight and wipe them out with a tsunami if the don't. In the clip the host did pray for that. Robin had guessed they would pray for that.
Howard said this is the next setup. He said this is an interesting one. Howard played Sal asking them to pray for OJ to find the person who killed his wife Nicole. Robin said they must pray for that. Howard played the clip and they did pray for that.
Howard played Sal's next setup where Sal asked them to pray for Putin to destroy Ukraine. Robin said this is a tough one. Howard said they do get harder. He said that it might depend on how many gays are in Ukraine. Robin said she's going to say they will pray for this. Howard played the clip and the people did not pray for that. They said never ask for anything to be destroyed.
Howard played the next setup with Sal asking the hosts to pray for his stepsister to fall in love with him and fulfill his needs. Robin said this is complicated and she thinks they will pray for that. Howard said alright. He said things have gotten nuts. In the clip the hosts of the show said they will not pray for that. One guy said that was playing with the devil.
Howard played the next clip with Sal asking them to pray for a new COVID variant so he won't have to go back to the office. Robin laughed and said they will not pray for that. Howard played the clip and the hosts said they can't do that.
Howard played the next clip where Sal asked them to pray for his new Ukrainian mail order bride makes it okay in the shipping container she's being shipped over to him in. Robin said she's going to say that they will pray for that. Howard played the clip and the hosts did pray for that.
Howard played the next clip where Sal asked them to pray for the age of consent to be changed from 18 to 14 so he can be with a 14 year old he's interested in. Robin said she's going to say they will not pray for him. Howard played the clip and the hosts did not pray for that. Sal asked them to pray that the parents don't find out so he won't get killed. They didn't pray for that either.
Howard played the next clip where Sal asked them to pray for him to have a light skinned baby in his interracial marriage. Robin said she's going to say that they will pray for that. Howard asked why that is. Robin said she has a feeling people pray for light skinned babies. Howard played the clip and they did pray for that for Sal.
Howard took a call from Ham Hands Bill and asked when he won that contest. Bill said it was many years ago. He said that was very memorable. Howard said that contest was great. He said Bill won a song parody contest where he wrote a song about Robin's dad. Robin said she should have called him on Father's day this year. She said she didn't know what to do. Howard said the prize was a new Jetski and Ham Hands came in to get it and he was in a wheelchair. He said they laughed about the situation because they were giving a paraplegic a Jetski. Bill said he sold that for $3,800 to his cousin.
Howard asked what he can do for Bill. Bill said he has a tragic situation in his house. He said that for years he had a woman named Maria who helped him. He said she got COVID and everything went crazy. He said he lost Maria to COVID and now he's forced to take a male home attendant. He said he's never had a male before. He asked Robin if she would come every day and hang out in his house with him.
Howard said he spoke to Maria on the phone and he's saying she died? Bill said no, he got tested and she was positive and within 3 hours of that she told him she had a fever and she got aches and headaches. He said she's not going to be able to work. Howard said this is temporary then. Bill said it sounds like it may be a week.
Howard asked if he's comfortable having a man there wiping his ass. Bill said he's able to do that. He said he's able to wash his privates. He said he has had attendants who have given him blow jobs and hand jobs over the years. He said he won't say who they were or anything like that. He told a story about one woman doing that to him. Howard said this is fascinating to him. He asked if this woman was the same woman who was cleaning up after him. Bill said that she wasn't dealing directly with patients. He said she was at a clerical job.
Howard asked Bill if the woman just asked if she can blow him. Bill said they were joking around and having fun talking. He said he was an in patient at the Bronx VA and she started touching his shoulder. Howard asked why it didn't happen more. Bill said it did happen twice. He said she was married so this was on the side. Howard asked if she was attractive. Bill said he has a picture. He said he would show them. Howard said don't do that. He said keep that to yourself. Bill said she was cute. He said she was like Sal's wife in a way.
Bill said a week later she came into work with a black eye. He said he may have been an escape for her. Howard said maybe his penis hit her eye.
Bill said that there was another time that the attendant was washing his cock and they had a new trainee come in to learn. He said that they were both in there washing his area. Howard asked if she jerked him off in front of the training nurse. Bill said she did not. He said this was a bed bath. Howard said he can't figure out who jerked him off. Robin said there was no jerking off in this story. Bill said that was a different story.
Howard said he has had a long morning and he only understands about every third word with this guy. He said he can't take it anymore. He said he's sorry Maria isn't available right now. He said hopefully this new guy will jerk him off. Bill said oh no. He asked Robin to send him her dirty panties so he can use them as a COVID mask. Robin laughed. She said she doesn't have any dirty panties.
Howard asked Bill if he would jerk off to her panties. Bill said he would smell them a little bit and watch some porn. Howard said no one has ever gotten COVID wearing Robin's panties. Howard let Bill go a short time later.
Howard said that guy is the best. He said that song he wrote years ago is great. They played the song. Robin said it really creeps you out after not hearing it for a long time. Howard said he would check the quality of the songs that were sent in. He said this one was in the throw out pile. He said he heard it and wondered why they would throw it out. He said this song was the winner. He said this was like Stairway to Heaven in the song parodies. Howard said they didn't think they could play it on the air and that's exactly why it had to win. Howard said he had never heard such a thing before.
Howard said he remembers bill coming on the show and doing the song live. He said he was terrific. Robin said they had some great musicians who had done their songs and they were so elaborate. She said they were aced out by this guy. Howard said this was in a garbage pile. He said he knew not to trust the guys in charge. Howard said that's the story of Ham Hands Bill.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said fuck Ron Howard, they should have Ham Hands Bill on for 3 hours. He said that he thinks he really thinks that he could get Robin to give him a hand job. Howard said the guy isn't a bad looking guy. He said Robin has a nursing gene in her and she cares and would probably help the guy out. He said she helped a guy out who lost his leg. Robin said he was a motorcycle guy. Robin said she didn't do that with anyone else.
Howard said it's painful to say goodbye to the audience but they'll see them next time. He said on Tuesday they have Ronnie and Lenny Dykstra going up against each other in JeopHorny. He said they love it. He said that's it until next time. He did a live commercial read and ended the show around 10:25am.