Howard said it's impossible to watch the new movie on Netflix with Rebel Wilson. He said it's called Senior High and it's so bad even he wasn't able to watch it. He said she's a cheerleader in high school and she has an accident and she wakes up after 20 years in a coma and wants to finish high school. He said it's really bad. He said that he told his wife he wanted to watch this and it's bad. He said when they're in bed they like to watch something that's calm. He said they don't want to get riled up so they look for something fun. He said he liked Rebel Wilson in the movie she played the chubby friend in. He said he liked her in the A Cappella movie too. He said that was fine. He said he's not sure what it is about the movie that he didn't like. He said it made him want to visit his parents, that's how bad it was.
Howard said he can't even call his mother anymore. He said she can't hear him. He said she's always calling Beth though. He said she likes getting food. He said he got her a DoorDash account and that's how they get her the food.
Howard said his mom is enjoying egg drop soup from the Chinese restaurant. He said you'd think she never ate before. He said she's drinking it right out of the bowl now. He said she won't use a spoon. He said she must weigh like 12 pounds so she's starving. He said she calls Beth all the time. He said he calls his mom and he has to yell at her. He said the helper is there and tells him what's going on. He said his mom will yell for him and he tries to talk to her. He said she can't hear. He said the aide has to tell her what he's saying. He said his mom thinks they can't hear her so she yells to Beth. He said she'll yell to her and she can't hear them so she thinks they can't hear her. He said then she'll ask Beth if she has a pen to write something down. He said it's just exhausting. He said it's like talking to someone on the moon. He said Beth gets nervous from it.
Howard said he's on with the doctors because his father is going bat shit crazy. He said he's on some drug called Depacote. He said he's in the background talking to people who aren't there. He said the pills calm him down. He said then it's a calm conversation. He said his dad gets confused when he sleeps in late. He said the medication was making him over sleep. He said they have to be careful with what they give him. He said his mother has stopped caring about him. He said it's every man for himself there.
Howard said his parents see each other occasionally. He said his mom will say she loves him and he will just say ''Okay.'' He said he won't say he loves her. He said he thought it was just him. He said it's like a mad house over there.
Howard said they were going to send his mom some soup every day but she said that's too much food. He said his mom wanted some spaghetti the other day and she called Beth asking if she had a pen. He said it's insane. He said he feels like hanging up. He said they tell her she has a pen and she keeps asking.
Robin said this reminds her of that siren in the Anne Frank movie. she said you want to crawl over the bed. Howard said that's what her voice is like. He did more of that impression of his mother. Fred played Jim Breuer doing his Goat Boy voice which sounded like that too.
Howard said his throat hurts from doing this. He said it's like his mom is stuck in a well. He said she wanted spaghetti and until she got to it she kept asking for a portion that wasn't big. He said they get a full portion. He said he told his mom that they get her whatever they get and she doesn't have to eat it all. He said she can put it the refrigerator and eat it later.
Howard said then the doctor calls and tells them that she was almost dead from not eating and now she revives and she's eating what she wants. He said she likes egg drop soup so she overdosed on that. He said her legs got swollen from eating so much of it. He said there's a lot of salt in it. He said she was asking for salt free egg drop soup. He said there's no such thing. He said she was asking for that. He said she kept asking what they were saying when they told her there is no such thing. He said the aide finally told her there is low sodium. He said she asked for that. Howard said he told his mom that she should just eat it once a day. He said she was eating it too much. He said she wasn't able to hear him. He said in the background you hear his dad talking about how they're coming to get him. He said he's back there freaking out and his mom can't hear him.
Howard said his dad eats fine. He said his mom doesn't like the food at the place they live. He said his dad eats it. He said he just wants his mom to enjoy her life. He said the doctor told him that she's eating too much salt and she has to cut back. Howard said he told her to limit her salt intake but she can't hear him.
Howard said his mom was half dead and now she's eating and she's dying from that. He said on the death certificate they're going to write ''egg drop soup'' as her cause of death.
Howard said there's no one there to help him. He said he could cure the Russia and Ukraine thing simpler than this. He said that his mother says that it's too much food when she gets it. He said he can't control the portion and she can't understand that when he tells her.
Howard said he has to ask the aide to tell his mom what he's saying. He said his mom still thinks that they can't hear her. Robin asked why the aide brings her the whole portion. Howard said that's what he told her. He said they were thinking about getting three aides to help them. He said they weren't able to get his father out of bed because he was so doped up. He said they get 2 and that's it. He said let him walk around going crazy. He said he doesn't care. He said it's a mad house over there.
Howard said he saw his mom trying to be romantic with his father. He said he just said ''alright'' to her. He said that's some romance. He said he tried again with his dad. He said he's going crazy and he thought he might be able to get some love from him. He said he just said he knows he does. He said for a while they weren't able to get him out of bed because of the drugs. He said that's what they did and they were able to get him up.
Howard said his dad has lived this long because he never over did anything. He said now he's miserable. He said you want to stay healthy to live long but then you do and you're miserable. He said it's affecting his health now. He said he's starting to walk around with back pain from the stress. He said it's all in his head. He said he didn't know he'd grow up to be an old man himself and save up for their old age and not just his own. He said it's like he has two infants. He said they don't do anything.
Howard said he gets crazy from all of this. He said if there was justice he's stick them in a home like he lived in when he was growing up. He said his dad was vicious calling him names. He said he can't do the same thing to his dad. He said he could call him a moron like he did to him. He said he's a sucker. He said he feels bad for them. He said he's compassionate. Robin said that's what it means. Howard said he's not mean. He said he doesn't call him a fucking moron like his dad did to him growing up. He said he called him a fucking moron at the age of 5. He said if he were like his dad he'd tell him to shut up you moron and tell him to get his own lunch.
Robin said she was thinking about calling Howard this weekend. She said she didn't get to it. She said no matter what mess your parents were you do care about them and you want to take care of them. She said Howard can't live with himself calling his dad names. Howard said he went to school and he got called names. He said he lived in an all black community and every class had a different bully in it. He said they'd steal stuff from him and he'd get punched in the face. He said he'd get things stolen from him on his way home from school. He said if he were into justice he'd find the worst community center facility and stick them in it and let them deal with it. He said he's a good guy though.
Robin asked how he'd look at himself in the mirror if he did that. Howard said his parents did that without looking at themselves in the mirror. Robin said they didn't see what was happening.
Howard said he's a good guy and he cares about them. He said he can't do that to them. He said he does love his parents. He said he's their whole life. He said he's their tit right now. He said it's like when you see vampires keeping someone alive by drinking a little bit of their blood every day to just barely keep them alive.
Howard said all of this has led to some phony phone calls. He said that they call this show where this woman Tara. He said this woman talks to something called ''Mother'' who seems to be a dude. He said that they talk about restoring balance to our galaxy. He played a little bit of an old show clip where this woman is talking to ''Mother'' and Mother is going on and on about nonsense.
Howard said they once called the show with Mother and Grandmother. Chris Wilding was the one who made the call to the show. Chris had Grandmother and Great, Great Grandmother on the line with him.
Howard said this is his mother calling Mother from the Mother show. Howard played the new phony phone call where the guys called in with clips of him talking about his mother being in pain all the time. Then he starts talking like his mother on the other line. Tara and Mother were trying to suggest things to eat if she didn't want food. They were suggesting green drinks and things like that. They were telling Howard that if she wants to leave there are ways for her to do that through the health food stores. The host eventually hung up on Howard and his mom.
Howard said all he knows is that the Mother on the radio is no match to his mother. He said 5 minutes in they wanted to kill her. Robin said they were ready to get out of there in 5 minutes. Howard asked what health food store is trying to help kill your mother. He said he's not sure what they're selling at the health food store. He said even that Mother character was freaked out.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Chris doing his ''Mother'' impression. Howard spent a minute talking to him as Mother.
Howard said he's a fan of Mother. He said he has a great radio voice. Chris did a vocal warm up for Mother and had him just screeching. Howard let him go after that.
Erik said every day he says a prayer for his parents. Robins said that's very nice. Howard said he knows he's feeble minded and he's not sure they can take care of people. He said it was very nice of him to ask though.
Howard took a call from his therapist on the phone. Fake therapist said all he hears is Ka-ching when he hears this. Howard asked if he's on a speaker phone. The therapist said he's not but he might need to get a new phone. Howard said he has to talk to him later about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that he complains about his father a lot and he has some good examples for why he should be happy about his dad. He said he took him to work and to the race track. Howard said there are some good times there. He said he yelled at him at the race track ad he was force to take him to work. He said he took him everywhere his mother wanted him to take him.
Howard said he can't imagine what Robin went through. He said his dad once checked him for hernia and that freaked him out. He said he can't imagine what Robin went through. He did his impression of his parents talking about the hernia thing. Howard said his dad was no doctor. He said he had his hands on his balls and he told him to turn his head and cough. He said his dad didn't know if he had a hernia or not. He said there must have been so much confusion with her parents. Robin said of course. She said you don't know what anyone is doing. She said you're trying to figure that out first.
Howard said he's a mess. He said he's stuck in a nightmare. Robin said he's reliving all of that stuff he went through as a child. Howard said he has PTSD. He said it was nice this weekend. He said he and Beth went for a walk. He said walking helps. He said he has an enlarged prostate so he has to pee a lot. He said he goes twice before they go on a walk. He said he pees and then he has to go again 5 seconds later. He said they to on their walk for like an hour and then he has to race to the bathroom. He said he has to pee again. He said he's a mess.
Robin said she was reading about all of these issues you can have and they have stuff at the health food store to help you. Howard said they can kill you there too apparently.
Howard said there's a lot going on. He said everything was driving him crazy this weekend. He said he's handling it all. He said he has been in worse situations. He said he worked at WNBC radio so he can handle a lot. He said Pig Virus put him through so much that people can't survive. He said that people say they work in toxic work places and they have no idea what toxic is. He said Pig Virus prepared him for a lot in life.
Howard said he did go off on Johnny Depp about being a narcissist. He said that doesn't mean he's supporting Amber. He said putting this whole thing on TV was weird. He said that was Johnny's idea. He said he's not sure who is telling the truth in court. He said if he were part of the jury he's not sure he could sit there. He said his head would explode from all of this testimony.
Howard said the jury was told not to listen or read anything about this case but no one listens to authority now. He said that people aren't listening to Congress when they're being subpoenaed for stuff. He said he's learned to just ignore that stuff. He said That's the one thing Trump taught him. He said just ignore it all.
Howard played some clips from the Depp trial where Depp was talking about ''dropping a grumpy'' in his bed. Howard said he's never had a woman so passionate about him that she'd do something like that to him. Howard did his impression of Depp talking about the grumpy thing and not wanting to say bad words in court.
The caller, Tim, said he hasn't spoken to his parents in about 7 years. Howard said there's an idea. He said the papers would get a hold of that and write him up though. Tim said his parents lied to them all their lives so he just cut them out of his life. He said that his mom had an affair with a married man and she had a child with that guy. SHE said after that they left town and didn't tell any of them about it. He said his father loved his own child and that gave his older sister had a complex. Howard asked what he wants him to do about this. He said that we have been indoctrinated that you have to honor your parents but they have to treat you well to get that. He said it's a two way street. He said how about honoring your child and treat them like a human being.
Howard said he read about Bob Dylan and how he got away from his parents and changed his name. Robin said when she was leaving her parents her father started crying and saying that he didn't want her to leave and never come back. She said she thought about how he should have been nicer to her if he felt that way.
Howard let Tim go and said he's taking care of his parents the best he can. He said it's tough. He said that if he let them be homeless then he'd be all over the papers. He said he'd be in big trouble if he did that.
Robin said when someone doesn't treat their parents well you have to imagine there's a reason for that.
Howard said if you happen to live into your 90s it may not be so much of a blessing. Robin said she saw a lot of clips of 100 year old people who are fine. Howard said that's great but what his parents are going through makes him feel bad for them. Robin said there are people who still work at that age. She said they live by themselves and they get along just fine.
Howard took a call from Rooster who said he had his entire call planned out. He said he was thinking about this Mother person and how he's glad that they don't work for hospice. He said he's been to the health food store but he's never heard of them helping you go to the other side.
Howard asked Rooster what's going on. Rooster said he drove into a speed trap over the weekend and he was doing 45 in a 40 zone. He said he said this is a speed trap and the cop was going to give him a warning until he said that he was a corrections officer and he gave him a ticket for speeding and for his seat belt.
Howard asked Rooster if a fellow officer gave him a ticket. Rooster said yes. He said he didn't expect special treatment but if he was doing 80 in a 45 zone he'd get it. Howard said fellow officers never do that. Robin said that officers do give tickets to other officers from time to time. She said when you're not in compliance then you get a ticket. Howard said he must have met the head of the cub scouts.
Howard said there must be something about Rooster. Rooster said he wasn't even pulled over. He said he came to the curves and he saw the cop sitting there. He said he got on the edge of the road and turned his vehicle off. He said he was already parked before the cop got behind him. He said he stopped because he knew he was going to come over. He said the guy told him to get to the edge of the road. He said he was already parked and he didn't want him to show he was pulling him over. He said when he made him pull up he turned his lights on so it shows him pulling him over. He said it makes it look like he was pulling through the speed trap.
Howard said there's something about him that made him get dissed by another cop. He said all you do is show your badge or whatever. Rooster said he gave him another ticket. Rooster said he's retired so he's not a cop anymore. He said he doesn't have a badge or anything. Howard said he must have something. Rooster said nope.
Howard said he should have told him that he was whatever rank he was. Rooster said he was a colonel in the corrections officer thing. He said the guy looked at him and said he was sorry for him. Howard said that guy really dissed his ass.
Howard asked Wolfie what's going on here. Wolfie said he has family members who say their family is on the job and they get out of it. Howard said even he could say that about his uncle who was on the job 40 years ago. Rooster said he got a ticket for $481. He said that's how bad it was. Howard said he should go talk to someone about that.
Howard said Ronnie has so many badges in his car that you can't see the dashboard. Rooster said he had a badge that his mother got pulled over with and she was doing 80 in a 55 and the cop let her go.
Howard asked Ronnie if he's ever heard of anything like this. Ronnie said he has. He said there were some cops who were like that. He said that they even gave a cop's wife a ticket. He said Rooster's problem is that he talks too much.
Ronnie said he'll just sit there quietly. He said he has this whole plaque for the cards he had and it would sit on the dashboard. He said that helped get him out of tickets. Ronnie said the cops would come over and just laugh and tell him to have a good day.
Howard said he knows at least 10 ex cops. He said he's been in cars with them and they get pulled over. He said they drive fast because they know they're not getting a ticket. Howard said whenever he's with them they get pulled over and the guys just look and let them go. He said he's not sure what the fuck Rooster is doing. He said he's like to know what he's doing to fuck it up. Rooster said he thinks it was calling him out for having a speed trap.
Wolfie said that Rooster is losing weight and he saw a picture of him over the weekend. Howard said he saw some too and he's a big boy. He said he didn't want to say anything. He asked what he weighs. Rooster said he's 5'5'' and he weighs 280. He said he can outrun his son though. He said he uploaded some videos on his account yesterday where he outran his son.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows what Rooster did wrong. He said a corrections officer is a glorified baby sitter. He said he's not a peace officer. He said if he went through all of that training then he'd have a card. Rooster defended himself with that and said they do have to go through a lot of training and they are underpaid for it.
Howard said he knows a couple of dudes who work in prison and they're tough mother fuckers. He said that they are surrounded by dudes who are looking for the angle.
The caller and Rooster were going back and forth about the peace officer vs. the corrections officer thing.
Howard said Rooster had to have done something wrong. He said he never should have gotten a ticket. Rooster kept saying calling him on the speed trap thing is probably the problem.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it turned out to be fake Dr. Now who was giving Rooster some advice on losing weight. Howard let Chris do his Dr. Now thing with Rooster for a couple of minutes.
Howard closed the door on Dr. Now and got back to Rooster. Robin asked if he's still losing weight. Rooster said he is. He said that he's losing it good too.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to be a police officer. He said that if you drive through Virginia you get a ticket if you're a police officer or not. Howard said that doesn't go on in New York. Ronnie said it does. He said he knows people who have gotten tickets and their family has gotten tickets. Howard asked what the point of being a cop is then. He asked what the world is coming to.
Ronnie said that cops get to keep their badge. Rooster said he has his badge but he keeps it on his desk. Howard said you have to open your wallet and have it in there. He said they ask what that is and then you explain and get out of the ticket.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he is an active cop in the city. He said he has nothing but respect for corrections guys but they are not cops. He said if you get pulled over just say you're corrections and be humble. He said calling out the speed trap is just asking for trouble. He told Rooster to be humble and be cool.
Howard took a call from a woman who said it kind of troubles her that there is this culture of looking the other way like this. Howard said it is but he's pointing out what happens. He said his uncle was a cop and he never got tickets. He said it's not right but that's the way it is. He said it's not fair that Rooster got a ticket. Rooster said he never said he's above the law. He was talking about the speed trap thing again. Howard said he must have been such a pain in the ass that the guy gave him a ticket. Robin said just keep your mouth shut if you end up in court.
Howard said he's trying to instruct him here but he fucked up. He took a call from a guy who said that he's a retired correction officer. He said they have peace officer status there. Rooster said it's the same thing down there. The caller said it does sound like Rooster talked a little too much. He said just be respectful and don't talk too much.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he went through Virginia and he got pulled over and got a ticket. He said he was speeding but he was being recalled and he shouldn't have been given a ticket.
Wolfie said he got a ticket in Virginia and had to go to court because it was 10 over and they gave him a reckless driving.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said they never give tickets to people who live in Virginia. He said it's only out of state people.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he gives advice about how to pull over and what to do and not do if you're pulled over. He said you wait for the cop to ask for stuff and then you work into the badge stuff.
Howard said he should have his badge in his car too. Rooster said that he might have to put his badge in his car.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said he should have talked about his fast food stuff and get him on another subject instead of that other stuff. She said she loves Ronnie with his mom so much and fuck Bobo.
Wolfie said it was recently Bobo's 30th anniversary for calling the show and no one wanted to do a special for him. Howard said they can't argue with that. He said that no one wanted to do it. Wolfie said no one had passion about it. Howard said people were ready to walk off the show over that.
Howard asked Rooster if he learned anything from this. Rooster said he's just going to be himself and be funny. Ronnie said he's going to be funny in jail.
Howard asked what Rooster is going to be doing today. Rooster said he's going to go back to doing back flips in the pool today. Wolfie said it's maybe half a back flip. He said it's not a full back flip. Howard said he saw it and the guy is the size of a whale. He said it's a good back flip for a guy who can barely walk.
Howard asked what he's having for lunch today. Rooster said two eggs and a slice of bread. He said that's all he can eat after having gastric bypass surgery. Howard let him go and did a live commercial read before going to break.
Howard came back and said this is a great song. He had some details about the song and how it came to be.
Howard said John is a simple guy and he watches his daughter Teddi on Real Housewives. He said she used to be on that show but she's not now. He said he keeps tabs on her though. He said she got a neck lift recently.
Howard spent a little time talking about Real Housewives and what's been going on with that show. He said they're so stupid he can't stop watching them.
Howard said the guys gave him a note about how John Mellencamp has told Teddi that he tried watching her on the show but he can't do it. He said he's a good guy. He said he's being honest. He said Teddi just got a neck lift. Robin said she thinks she needs one. Howard said she looks fine. He said she couldn't be any hotter. Robin said someone sent her a picture and it looks like a village is living under her neck. Howard said she looks good.
Howard said he follows Teddi. He said that she got kicked off the show for being boring. He said she got a whole new face. He said she doesn't look the same now. He said a bunch of people do that. He said they go too far with the surgery. He said people don't look like themselves anymore. He said they say don't enhance, change. He said that's the problem.
Howard said Teddi got her neck lift and she's not on the show anymore. He talked about more stuff that was happening on this season of Beverly Hills Housewives. He said he watches Andy Cohen's ''Watch What Happens Live'' show when the women from that show are on. He said he has to find out what's going on with those people.
Howard said JD knows it's a good show. JD and Howard talked about it a little bit.
Howard said he and Beth don't have any expensive stuff in the house. He said they don't keep any of that stuff there. He said he has a few things to blow your fucking head off with but that's it. He was talking about one of the housewives getting robbed.
Howard said he's not sure why they do what they do on that show. He said you can't tell people you have all of this stuff and let them know you don't keep your alarm on.
Howard talked about one of the women getting so much surgery that he couldn't tell who it was.
Howard and JD talked more about the Housewives stuff and what's going on with some of those women.
Howard said he loves watching these women. He said he only likes the Beverly Hills Housewives though. He said they think they're good looking and they are kind of. He said they's still showing their titties and ass. He said that Lisa Rinna's lips are the size of inner tubes. He said that most of her body won't decay when she dies and gets buried. He said keep it up ladies. He likes that show. Howard said there's a bunch of drama going on.
Howard said that's crazy. He said he said he was born in Queens but he was born at Mt. Sinai. He said they lived in Queens for a short time. He said they moved to Roosevelt after that. He said that was a nightmare.
Howard said his dad paid like $14,000 for his house in Roosevelt. He said he thinks they got $28,000 for it when they sold. Robin said he doubled his money. Howard said he did.
Howard asked if Ronnie knew he was mentioned on Jeopardy. Ronnie said someone put it on Twitter. He said he saw it and he didn't know what the fuck they were talking about. He said some guy took a picture of it on TV and he saw it. He said he saw it that way. Howard said it would be cool if they had some Ronnie reference on every show.
Howard said he lived in Jackson Heights. He said that's it. He said then they moved to Roosevelt. Howard said his mother claims that they had mice and roaches in the apartment they lived in.
Ronnie said he's not sure why his father didn't move to Levittown. He said they had housing there that was being built up. Howard said his dad had to get up at 5 in the morning to go to work. He said he had to take the subway to work and it took him 2 hours each way. He said it was a nightmare.
Howard said they were considered the wealthy ones in the family. He said they had a big yard there in Roosevelt. He said they had a ''sump'' in the back yard. He said they had barb wire fence back there too. Ronnie asked if the color of the house was pink back then. Howard said he thinks it was red but he's not sure. He said the house was egged so much that they had to paint it a lot.
Howard did more of his impression of his father yelling at him. He was talking about how they had this sump in the back yard for rain water overflow. He said that's what he was talking about. He said he had that to look at in the back yard. He said what a piece of real estate they had. He said his dad was the first Stern to own a home. He said he was plotting to get out of that house. Robin said it doesn't seem like a lot of thought went into what he did.
Howard said he heard that Ronnie had a big party for his fiancee. Ronnie said he did last Saturday. Howard said he read about what he did there and how he has a big party house now. Ronnie said they have the house set up so everything is in the back of the house. He said the kitchen, dining area and then the doors to the back yard are there. He said everything is right there so when you open it up you're at the pool in the back yard. Howard asked if they had any COVID protocols set up. Ronnie said everyone is vaccinated and they're all friends. He said they're just hanging out.
Howard asked if he banged Stephanie after. Ronnie said yes and no. He said he tried but she was too drunk. He said he got off and had his deal. He said she was moaning. He said she did give consent. He said that when she drinks a lot it's tough. He said that they did their whole routine but she had an issue with going so... Howard asked what ''going'' means. Ronnie said dropping a load or whatever you want to say. He said it was mostly oral.
Howard said he heard that Ronnie got pissed at Jon Blitt and Chris. He said they were sending him pictures that they edited. He said they sent one for this Maverick helicopter thing that Ronnie always promotes. He said on one of the billboards they had Ronnie getting fucked in the ass. Ronnie said it was just him laying there with a big cock. Chris said there are two that he retweeted. Ronnie said he's not looking at all of them. He said he didn't know they were going to fuck with his friend's business.
Ronnie said they're fucking around with his friend's business. Ronnie said this isn't the way Blitt talks to him off the air. He said he claims he won't mess with that stuff anymore. Howard said he shouldn't be retweeting that stuff. He said he's not sure how he misses these things. Ronnie said he's looking at it on a phone.
Howard said he should look over what he's tweeting. Ronnie said he shouldn't have to look over that shit. Robin said this opens the door for other people to do it. Ronnie said he does study them now. Chris said he could fool him tomorrow. Blitt said he's out. He said he's not messing with him anymore.
Howard said quiet retweeting. Ronnie said it was his friend's company. Chris said it was just the Vegas skyline. He said that's all he used. Blitt said he was the one who did the Photoshop of Ronnie getting fucked. He said he looks hot in it.
Howard answered a knock at the door which was fake George Takei who was upset about the false advertising with the Ronnie picture. He said he wants the real thing. Howard let him go pretty quick.
Howard said Ronnie was mentioned on Jeopardy so that's what they were talking about. He said he never could have imagines he'd be a clue on that show. He said it's unbelievable. Ronnie said it's real cool. Howard said he hopes they have a clue every night about Ronnie.
Ronnie said he was busy tweeting yesterday. He said Kurt Busch won a race and it was a big deal. He said that he had tears in his eyes thinking about it.
Howard had some more clues for Jeopardy to use. Robin said she saw that Hunter Biden had a password for his laptop that was ''analfuck69.'' She said she thought of Ronnie when she saw that.
Howard came up with more clues for Jeopardy to use. Howard said when his movie when to number 1 he didn't shed tears. Ronnie said he did have tears in his eyes when the Jeopardy thing happened. He said he was happy for Kurt.
Howard said Ronnie never once cried for him. Ronnie asked how he knows. Howard said he would have told him. He asked how many people they had at his party. Ronnie said there were 14. Howard had a clue for Jeopardy about Ronnie pulling impacted shit from his ass.
Howard asked if there was any nudity at the party. Ronnie said not at all. He said there were people in bikinis there. Robin brought up Stephanie not being able to do anything but oral on Ronnie. Ronnie said he did a lot of work on her that night and just about had lock jaw from it.
Howard said he has never been called a matchmaker. He said he comes up with these ideas and someone takes them. Howard said it was very sweet of them to mention him.
Howard said they must have done some research and found if you call yourself ''kid'' as a radio person you get more ratings.
Howard said he was in radio for a long time in New York and no one was called Kid. He said that must be a mid-western thing. He said they used to call Gary ''Boy Gary'' but they dropped that when he was like 80. He said he'd love to get Sheryl a man. He said she still looks great and can still write great music. He said he's not sure if he could have had her back when he was single. Robin said she never got the vibe that she was thinking that way.
Howard said he read about James Cromwell getting arrested while protesting. He said that he was in Revenge of the Nerds. He said he was so into that movie that he knows who wrote it. He said it was Miguel Tejada-Flores.
Howard read about James' arrest and what went on. He had some audio of him at this protest he was at.
Howard said they charge extra for milk alternatives at Starbucks and that's what this was over. Howard said he's not sure what to expect. He said of course they're going to charge you more for that. He said they already charge 5 bucks for some hot water with beans in it.
Robin said James Cromwell was in ''Babe'' too. Howard said he was in L.A. Confidential too.
Howard said he has some audio of Patty Lupone yelling at someone in a crowd for not wearing a mask. He said they must talk to the audience after doing a show. He said his parents used to take him to plays and he wasn't able to pee because he'd get pee shy. He said his dad would yell at him about that. He said he had to drive back home and pee at home.
Howard said it's like torture hearing this woman yell at you after the show. Howard played the clip of Patty yelling at this woman and telling her to get the fuck out if you can't follow the rules. She was yelling at her for not having her mask over her nose. The woman yelled back that she pays her salary.
Howard said if Patty was yelling at him he'd keep his mouth shut. Robin said this is what happens with people who insist on having their freedoms. Howard said they must have a theory that they're just breathing the COVID in and not out.
Howard said he hears her yelling at someone and it reminds him of his mother yelling at him. Howard said this is Patty yelling at someone during the play ''Gypsy.'' He said you can't even say that word anymore. He said it's like the N-word now apparently. He sang a song from Gypsy and said his parents used to play that shit in their house.
Howard played the clip of Patty yelling at someone for taking a picture or something in the middle of the show.
Howard said he was walking with his mother in the city once and she yelled at someone for almost running her over. He said she was yelling at the guy and she would yell at him over the stupidest stuff. He said she'd yell at him for leaving his clothing out on his bed. He did his impression of her doing that to him. He had both of his parents going off on him. Howard said he thinks he was in high school at that point. He said he was 6'2'' and it was humiliating. He said she was trying to hit him with a stick.
Howard said we're up to 1 million deaths from COVID now. He said he just read that in the NY Times.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has seen people lined up to see the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial. He said Johnny has a lot of support there from women. Howard said they say a lot of shit about Johnny and Amber. He said there are still a ton of hot chicks who want him even after all of this craziness.
The caller said he has seen the women there and he's the only guy there trying to get a picture with him. He said it's mostly women there. Howard asked if there are any younger women there. The caller said there are some. He said some are older. He said women are driving for hours to see him there. Howard said it's like Trump and no matter what craziness goes on they still support him.
Howard said he's never had it like Johnny did. He said that you'd think that women wouldn't want any part of the guy after hearing all of this. He said they wait for hours to see him though. The caller said they hand out wrist bands to get into the court and the women try to get them but they're gone by 5 in the morning.
Howard said he played a clip the other day where women were asked if they would rather fuck Johnny or Howard Stern and they all picked Johnny. He said he had a woman say to him that if he ever got arrested he'd get zero love letters in prison.
Howard let the caller go and said Johnny has something there. He played the clip of Jon Blitt interviewing women on the street about who they'd rather fuck, him or Johnny.
Howard said he never picked a side in the case but the paper is reporting that he's on Amber Heard's side. He said the women out there still want nothing to do with him. Howard said women look at him and pick Johnny Depp immediately.
Howard said a lot of people wrote in about Perry Farrell and Billy Corgan. He said he called them The Smashing Addiction. He read some feedback about them. He played some audio of the songs they performed too.
Howard said people really liked the staff mom's reactions to Ronnie critiquing them. Howard read some feedback about that.
Howard said people wrote in about the cruise ship issues that the caller mentioned last week over his cell connection. Howard said there are real issues with that apparently. He read some feedback about the conversation they had with caller Hillbilly.
Howard read some feedback about the conversation they had about the Fast and Furious movies. Howard spent some time talking about how these guys should just enjoy the movie and stop fighting over it. Howard played some clips of Vin Diesel talking about the movies like they were high art or something. Howard said people just want to see cars and see you beating people up and shit.
Howard read more feedback about Vin and The Rock and someone wrote in about how bad Ezra Miller has been acting lately and how he's being forced out of the Flash movies before his movie even comes out. Howard said if you get to be The Flash in some movie and get to work in Hawaii how do you get angry and get into fights in a bar. He said no one can possibly get on your nerves in Hawaii. He said it's like paradise there.
Howard read about what this Ezra guy did at this bar. Howard said they have some police body cam audio of the arrest. Howard said just sit and shut up if you have a movie role like that. He played the audio of Ezra going on about his 9th amendment rights and saying he was ''unguilty'' of this charge. He was getting upset that he was being searched by a man and claiming he was non-binary and didn't want to be searched by a man.
Howard said he learned early on in life that you have no rights. He said they all go out the window when someone is beating you up.
Howard said if you're lucky enough to get a role of your lifetime just calm down. He said they're probably going to do a series of those movies and you'll get at least one more. Robin said you won't hire this guy after seeing this.
Howard said Ezra is on the phone and wants to claim more of his rights. He took a call from an impersonator acting like Ezra and going on and on. Howard lasted a few seconds with him before hanging up.
Howard did his own impression of Ezra complaining about the cop touching his penis and things like that.
Howard said wishes he had been the cop who took his ring. He said he'd tell him it's the Green Lantern ring. He said the Flash didn't need a ring. He said he had super powers from getting in some chemical spill.
Howard said he watches Lois and Clark and Superman ends up in jail all the time. Robin said that show is so bad she can't watch it. Howard said he love the show. He said he loves American Idol and real Housewives. He said he loves The Bachelor too. He said he's not sue what happened to Bachelor in Paradise. He said he loves those shows. He said he aches for them.
Howard said he's going to end the how. He said tomorrow he'll get in there and do clean out the computer. He said it could be a really good show. He said you be the judge. He said Harry Styles will be in on Wednesday. He said that he's like the new Johnny Depp with the ladies. He said that he's Johnny without the shit in the bed.
Howard said no one was ever passionate enough about him to shit in his bed. He said he's not sure what he'd do if someone did that. He said Beth won't even shit in a bathroom near him. He said he's never even heard her shit. He said he's not sure what Amber was trying to prove. Robin said she was angry with him over something. She said that's if it was even true.
Howard said when that happens then things must be over. Robin said she thinks even after that they tried to get back together. Howard said he's not sure that would break him up from her. He said she's pretty hot. Howard said it makes him think of the J Geils band song ''Love Stinks.''
Howard said tomorrow they'll go through the computer and talk to the guys. He did a live commercial read and ended the show around 10:15am.
Robin asked what those people were screaming about. She said they have no idea what he's talking about. She said you need to come out and say something really ridiculous and then you can be elevated. Howard said he feels it's kind of like Kanye West. He said he's not of this world either. Robin said everyone wants to be part of a tribe. Howard said everyone is on their own trip. He said he wants to get on that trip too.
Howard said he's too based in reality. He said a guest on the show made a good point about how musicians and actors insulate themselves from reality by creating their own world. He said he's not sure who said that. He said actors have some dynamic of reality but musicians can create a world that's completely out there. He said even when you tour you can hire whackos to walk around with you. Robin said they go with you saying stuff because the get paid to do it.
Howard said he came up from the show yesterday and his wife was watching the Johnny Depp trial. He said he asked her to turn up the sound so he can hear it. He said most of America is watching it. He said there's so many horrible things going on in the world and this takes your mind off of it. He said it's the greatest thing and he gets why people are watching it. He said it's fascinating that it's gone this far. He said they could have kept it quiet but Depp insisted on putting it on TV. He said both of them are giving you a glimpse into their lives that are like what their guests said actors and musicians do.
Howard said they've become obsessed with feces and this story goes on and on. He said that he claims it was Amber and Amber claims it was the dog and all of this. He said it goes on and on. He said you start to see that with all of the money and the fame that they make this stuff up.
Howard said the guys looked it up and it was Seth Rogen who said that thing about actors and musicians. Robin said Seth was the one who expressed what you're thinking but you don't know how to say it.
Howard said Seth was telling wacky stories about celebrities and that's how they got into this discussion. He said that these actors get out of touch with reality.
Howard said he was listening to Amber Heart talking about the feces thing. He said then she says that it was around the time Coachella was happening. He said they were packing their cars to go to there. He said he was thinking about what a life they have. He said it sounds glamorous. He said you get to go to Coachella and you have to pack to dress for the Paparazzi. He said that they're so bored that they get into this doody talk. He said they're almost bored with life. Robins said it drives them crazy. She said there's no end to it. She said there's no reason for anything. Howard said maybe they have it too good. He said if you're sitting home jealous of this lifestyle maybe think again.
Howard said even Johnny Depp's band was called The Hollywood Vampires. He said there's a lot of truth to that. He said everyone wants to know him and he's bored with his beautiful co-star and he's accusing her with the feces and all of this stuff. Howard said they never should have put this on TV. He said it makes them look crazy. He said someone must have told him not to put it on TV.
Howard said the whole thing was wacky and amber was talking about giving half of her money to charity and half to go to her legal fees when she had a case against Johnny in the past. He said she was caught lying about giving her money to charity. He said the disturbing thing is the people who stand outside with signs for Johnny Depp. He said they apparently all hate Amber so they scream and yell at her.
Howard said the whole thing is such a circus. He said it's crazy. He said there are people standing in line outside to get into the court to watch the trial. He said imagine having such an empty life that you have to try to get in there. He said it reminds him of the Britney Spears trial. He said people would stand there all day. He said you'd think they'd want their own lives. Robin said she thinks they imagine they're associated somehow and they're fighting in these cases.
Howard said he's not sure if he'd stand outside for any of that stuff. He said it's weird who gets that fandom. He said the people are cheering for Johnny outside. He said you can tell how the trial is going from seeing that.
Robin asked if someone paid to have people out there. Howard said she has a good mind on her shoulders. He said he hadn't even considered that. Robin said some of them look like they need a job. Howard said it's not the dumbest idea. He said if he were them he'd be embarrassed by the whole thing. He said people love it and you can't believe it's really happening. Robin asked if she could lose that case because she lied about giving to charity. Howard said it is a horrible thing to do but it's like this. He said you don't know what really went on there. He said you can imagine how things were but you don't really know. Robin said they need one observed incident and he's dead.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Johnny Depp. Fake Depp was talking about the people there who were supporting him and how they just love justice. Howard asked if he's paying them to be there. Johnny said not at all. He said even Nelson Mandela had his followers. He said he wasn't paying them. Howard asked what's going on with the feces talk. Depp said that if you follow the feces you get to the truth. He said he can't close his eyes without seeing the feces. He said it haunts his dreams.
Fake Johnny asked if he would be consumed if he found shit in his bed. Howard said has never met a woman who cared that much about him to shit in his bed. He said they would just leave him. He said look at it that way. He said maybe she loved him so much that she stayed with him and shit in his bed. Robin said that's all alleged.
Howard said according to what Amber said he was obsessed with feces. Howard had some clips of Amber talking about that. In the clip Amber was talking about their marriage being over and she found it hard to believe that he wanted to talk about feces. Fake Johnny said that all truth and honesty comes from he feces. He said he knows it was human feces. He said he could tell by the angle it came out. He said he was using a protractor to measure the angle that it came out at.
Howard said Ralph Cirella is on his side. He took a call from Ralph who said that Amber looks like a queen every day but ten she got on the stand and she looked awful. He said she's playing it up. Ralph brought up some other things that he saw during the trial that makes it appear she's not so honest. Ralph asked what it would be like if people thought that Howard beat up his wife. He said he'd want to clear his name. He said he thinks this was a great idea to televise it. He said he's clearing his name.
Howard said one thing about Ralph is that he has time to watch the entire trial. Robin said he heard he has a lot of houses and he lets people live in them so he can stay in one. Howard said they said in the paper he's on Amber's side but he's not on either side. He said he has no idea who is right or wrong in this. He said he hasn't seen enough of the trial to form an opinion.
Robin said you never know what's going on behind closed doors in anyone's relationship. Fake Depp said he still wakes up scanning his bed looking for grumpies. Howard said he feels bad for the cleaning people who have to clean that shit up. He said he's on their side.
Robin she can't imagine what their house is like with the dogs running around wild and all of that.
Howard wrapped up with Johnny who said follow the feces and you'll follow the truth. He thanked his fans and Robin for their support. Robin said they should turn this into a continuing show. She said it's making his career. Howard asked who Amber played in Aquaman. He said he loved that movie. Robin said Ralph would know.
Robin said Amber and Aaron Eckhart did a scene in the water where they were having sex and it was really sexy. Howard said he tried to do it in a pool with someone and it doesn't work out very well. He said he's not going to turn someone down to do it so he tried. He said the water dries everything out. He said he wasn't able to get his penis in there. He said he's not sure how the dolphins do it. He said he wasn't able to do it. Robin said that scene was so sexy that it made you want to do it in the water. Howard said fucking in the water is tough. He said it's so wet around you but it makes the woman dry. He said the only person who can fuck in the water is Aquaman. He said that guy Jason Mamoa is in some shape. He said that's his real super power.
Robin said she would say maybe 5 minutes at the most is what she'd say. Howard said if a woman wants him to go down on her he'll fiddle around for 3 minutes until she realizes he has no idea what he's doing. He said he pulls a woman's head away because most women don't know how to blow a dude. He said he's no Ronnie but there are a couple of women who blew his mind with the blow job thing. He said most women don't know how to do it though.
Robin said that she'll want to stop and the guy wants to keep going. She said it all depends on the partner. Howard said he's going to tell you something. He said he'll stop doing it because he has the feeling that a woman doesn't like doing it. He said he's not sure that a woman wants to give him pleasure like that. Robin said he doesn't enjoy anything. Howard said she's right. He said something bad is around the corner all the time.
Howard said good luck to the caller. He said that his new girlfriend sounds like a winner.
Howard took a call from a woman, Lindsay, who said she goes like 25 minutes with guys. Howard said she must not be good at it then. She said she can make a guy cum in like 3 minutes but she can go long. She said she's been waiting to talk to Howard since she was like 15. She said she wants him to judge her body. She said she's wanted that for as long as she can remember. She said she helped her meet the person she's with now. She said her headline was about Howard and how they'd get along if you're into him. Howard said he knows who she is. He said she's into a sadomasochistic relationship and they keep a journal about what she wants. Howard said he's seen pictures of her and she has a beautiful body. He said she has big titties and a skinny waist. He said she looks good. He said she knows she's good looking.
Lindsay said that she used to watch Howard for hours and hours and she wanted to be rated by him for so long. She said she got skinnier and skinnier and she wanted to be rated. Howard said she's almost too skinny. He said she has big implants he's assuming. Lindsay said they're a little smaller right now. She said she was 18 when she got them done. She said she got them done smaller. Howard said this girl is so thin and she put two big pontoons into her chest. Lindsay said she was at like 128 pounds back then. Howard said she's so skinny and the boobs are so big he's not sure how she stood up straight.
Lindsay said she has some health issues. She said she lost the weight going through Chemo. She said she'd rather not talk about that stuff. Howard said he's sorry to hear that. Robin asked if she's still on the internet with all of that going on. Lindsay said that she has Snapchat but nothing else right now.
Howard asked Lindsay about this boyfriend and why he has her writing her thoughts down in this journal. Lindsay said that they kind of have a format for that. She said she has it in front of her. She said she's giving him a 2 year commitment to the guy. She read some of what she wrote in this journal.
Howard cut Lindsay off and asked what TMW stands for. She said it's Top Model Whore. She said that's his nickname for her. Howard asked her to read from her journal for him. Lindsay got the journal and said she'll do that. Howard asked if it's true that she let the boyfriend fuck a girl in front of her at a strip club. She said they did go to Rick's Cabaret. She told Howard how they hooked up. Howard had to cut her off because she had named the club already. Lindsay said that this is all made up then.
Lindsay told Howard some details of what happened and Howard had to dump out of the conversation. Howard said he doesn't want to get anyone in trouble so he has to stop this. Lindsay said it was actually a different place and she just said that other name because Ronnie goes there.
Howard said it wasn't Rick's then. He said that it was some other club. He said she went there with this dude and some girls... whatever. He said he's getting nauseous so he has to go. He hung up on her.
Howard took a call from Chris Wildling who was doing his Mildred character talking about her diary with her boyfriend. Howard cut him off after a short time to. He said he didn't want to hear her diary either.
Howard said things were getting complicated there. He said they learned a little bit about sex contracts and all of that.
Howard said he used to watch S&M porn back in the day. He said there was this guy Master Bill he used to watch. He said this guy lived on a farm or something and he looked dead broke. He said he had holes in his sweater. He said this reporter goes to talk to him and she's doing a story on his farm. He said that the girls are walking around mooing and stuff. He said the guy looked like he had been punched out by Mike Tyson. He said he liked that part of it though. He said he had nothing but hot chicks there. He said the reporter says she needs a story for her magazine. The guy says no but the woman begs for it. He said Master Bill asks her to submit to him and gives a whole speech. He said this girl agrees to it. He said 2 minutes later he has her in the barn tied up and puts clothes pins on her titties. He said they were covered in clothes pins. He said then he starts smacking them and her titties. He said you're like ''what the fuck?'' and she's crying. He said she stays to get the interview though. He said he watched it a few times. He said that he was with a woman at the time and he asked if she wanted that on her titties and she said get the fuck out of here.
Howard said he was beating off to this so he was disgusted with himself. He said he liked it though. He said it was an ugly guy so he likes that. He said this guy had no dick. He said the woman was rubbing it and it was smaller than his. He said the guy was disgusting. He said he had all kinds of shit going on with this woman. He said he's smacking her vagina with his hand.
Howard said he must have watched this movie 20 times from beginning to end. He said he could quote almost any line from it. He said he's not sure what happened to that guy. He said he might be running for senate in Pennsylvania. He said as a republican of course.
Howard said at the end of this whole thing the woman falls in love with Bill. He said then he says that she's learned a very important lesson. He said she learned the difference between love and pain.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and said that's The Clash live at Shea Stadium. He said Mick Jones and Joe Strummer and everyone else in the band. He joked that Simon Cowell had put that band together on American Idol.
Howard said he was watching American Idol and he's happy with the top 3. He said he's voting for Leah Michelle (Leah Marlene). He said this girl started out all goofy and they transformed her into a nice looking girl. He said it's like a movie where they do that. He said that she looks good and sings like an angel so he's voting for her. He said he told Beth they have to vote. Howard said you can't complain about your American Idol if you don't vote.
Robin asked if Howard saw that Norm Macdonald did a last special because he thought he might not get to do another. Howard said he saw that they have an hour of his material that he left behind. He said then he read it was something he taped in his living room. Robin said she thinks he worked on it a lot and then he went into the hospital for surgery. She said he taped it because he wanted it shown. Howard said he didn't want it to be something like Prince where the family puts it out. Howard said he's looking forward to it if he wanted it out there.
Howard said he got Leah's name wrong. He said it's Leah Marlene. Robin asked how he's a fan if he can't remember her name.
Howard said there are a lot of people who came out of American Idol. He went through some of the names.
The caller asked Howard how young he was when he had his first sexual experience. Howard said in kindergarten there was a girl he was very attracted to. He said he told his mom about her. He said that he told his mom she was her type. Howard said she was a nice girl and she had dark hair and all of that. Howard said he felt attracted to her. The caller asked when he had his first urge. Howard said a woman named Honey West was his first urge. He said she was on a TV show. He said the woman was named Anne Francis and she was someone he was into. He said he remembers buying a book about Honey West and it was a paperback and there's a page where she's tied up naked and that gave him a boner.
Howard said then Gilligan's Island too. He said he jerked off to that and ended up peeing in his parent's bed. He said he wrote about that in his first book.
The caller asked if he was born into bondage. Howard said he's not sure what he's talking about. The caller kept asking if he was born into porn and things like that. Howard said he doesn't know what he's talking about. He said he has to get off the phone with this guy. He said he's bumming him out. He asked who this guy Neil is. He said trace him. Howard did his impassion of the guy with the bad phone connection. His voice was kind of muffled so he goofed on that for a minute.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to get on Robin for a second. He asked how many guys she blew before she took the lessons. Howard said she didn't take lessons. He said she watched a porn. He asked if she has a number. Robin said everyone she was ever with. Howard asked if it was 20 or 30. Robin said it's not that many. She said she was with a guy who complained and no one had complained before. Howard said Robin didn't like doing it. He said she's such a lady. He said he likes that her numbers are low.
Howard said he didn't have that many women. Robin said he did try though. Howard said he had a year off after being married for 25 years. He said he was trying in that year.
Howard said he was watching a bad first pitch that happened. He said he thought Gary was going to come up in that. Gary said that guy is ranked above him for he worst pitch. Howard said Gary said it was his dream to do that firs pitch. He said he shouldn't have dreams. He said he should just work for him and be happy. He said Gary got nervous and went to a hypnotist and all of this. He said even if he threw the pitch perfectly no one would have cared. He said it's just stupid. He said people say yes to everything. He said he says no to 95 percent of the things people ask him to do. He said No is the answer.
Robin said if everyone said no to Howard when he wanted to do things at radio stations. Howard said maybe they were right. Howard said Gary is a dreamer. He said he does too much dreaming. Robin said that's what he was doing the day he fell asleep in his office.
Howard said the power of no is what he's talking about. Robin said she couldn't believe that it could go that wrong for Gary. Howard said Robin threw better than Gary. Robin said it was like the second ball she ever threw too.
Howard said he knew Gary was going to fuck it up. He said he knew he'd Baba Booey all over the place. He said then boom. He played a song parody about his awful pitch.
Howard said he begged Gary not to do it. He said it's over now and it was a big mistake. He said he felt bad for him. He said Gary accuses him of thinking he knows everything. He said he doesn't know everything but he knows everything about Gary.
Howard said he got a lot of fan feedback about Rooster on yesterday's show. He read some of that and people were saying that Rooster should get a ticket and not get off just because he was a corrections officer. Howard said he was just pointing out that not everyone is equal under the law. He said you usually have the fellow cops look the other way if you're on the job. He said he's not saying it's right or wrong. He said Rooster was arguing with the cop and the cop gave him a ticket.
Howard read some feedback about Ronnie being a clue on Jeopardy. Howard said a lot of people found that hard to believe. Howard read some of the comments they got about that. Howard said Ronnie has appeared on Jeopardy as a contestant. He played a bit the guys made with clips of Ronnie and clips from Jeopardy.
Howard said he's going to do something for Ronnie. He said he's going to make a Jeopardy about fucking. He said they can have him play someone like Lenny Dykstra. He said they can have someone else play too. He said he'll do a Ronnie Jeopardy segment. He said he'll get on that.
Howard said Ronnie was in a bit and he went ballistic about the G-spot again. He said they were listening to that last night. He asked the guys what that was. Will said they're looking it up right now. Howard said it was a Ronnie sex expert bit they were doing. Howard said it was pussy talk with Ronnie and Mike Pearlman. He said they got into a fight over the G-spot. Howard played the clip where Mike and Ronnie were talking about pussy and what they like about it. Mike said he likes it clean right out of the shower. Ronnie said he likes a nice smelling clean pussy. Mike mentioned the G-spot and Ronnie went off on him about how that's an extension of the clit.
Howard said that's real locker room talk. He said that's what guys are talking about.
Howard said he had a bunch of letters about Ronnie and the Twitter account where the guys are fooling Ronnie with pictures. Howard read some of he feedback they got about that. Some people said Ronnie will retweet anything.
Howard said he has to thank his guy Phil McCann who helped him out with the Nathan's stuff. He said his parents would go to Nathan's to get their hot dog meal on their anniversary. He said Phil would help him out every year with that. He said that he told him not to bother in the past but this year he's doing it. He said he insists on paying for it. He said Phil said no. He said he wants someone to go down there and get it for them. He said Phil is a sweet guy. He said his partner Jack Mehoff is his partner. He said thanks to those folks for that.
Howard said they're getting them a bunch of food. He said his mother is going to get mad about how much food they get. Robin asked what time they're getting it. Howard said he has to get that right or they'll freak out. He said he figured 3 o'clock or so. He said his dad eats around 4:30. He said that you want it to be a surprise but he has to get it there at the right time. He said it's never appreciated though.
Howard did his impression of his mother and father complaining about getting the food. He had his mom complaining that she doesn't eat when she's watching Tattle Tales.
Howard said his mother got this microphone with headphones so she can watch TV and hear it. He said that his dad might think the TV is the window going outside. He said he's not sure he has any idea what's happening. He said it's like a 3 ring circus over there.
Howard took a call from Jon Hein Audiobook who wanted to talk about Nathan's hot dogs. The guys played audio of Jon talking about the history of Nathan's. Howard hung up and asked who the fuck bought that book.
Howard read more feedback about his parents. He had some fans who were relating to him and what he's going through with them.
Howard said one fan loved the prank call Chris made as ''Mother'' to that radio show. Howard read that and said he should have played when they called that show with drops of his dad. He said he should play that. Howard played the call they made using clips of Howard doing his father's voice. Howard said that was when his father called in.
Howard took another call from Ralph who said yesterday was so great when he did his mother's voice. He said that he feels bad for his parents but that was funny and so good. Howard said he feels really bad for them. He said he does that impression but he feels bad. Ralph said that egg drop soup is all sodium and she's looking for low sodium. Howard said he spends like 30-40 percent of his day trying to keep them comfortable. He said he feels weird about it because his father called him a moron and now that moron is taking care of them. Robin said she's not sure that therapy is working. She said you have to understand that people are who they are and they can't help what they did. She said you can't be filled with resentment. Howard said his therapist said he had to get in touch with how angry he is and then he'll get to where Robin is. Robin said she got in touch with her anger and she was able to let it go. Howard said it just sucks that his dad is having such a hard time. He said he's hallucinating and all of that. He said he has the doctor going over to take care of both of hem today.
Ralph said at least they're still going. Howard said he's not sure that's a blessing. He said his mother keeps saying that they should go. Howard said he tells the doctor that he should let his mother have her soup but the doctor is worried about other things. He said death by egg drop soup doesn't sound so bad to him. He said just let her eat what she wants.
Howard said he told his mother to have egg drop soup once a day. He said she's still on it. He said she wants it. He said he can't get low sodium egg drop soup. He said just have it less.
Howard said his mother has an addiction to egg drop soup. He said every day is a new problem. Ralph said maybe his dad will get better like his mom did. Howard said the doctors say no. He said that they say once this starts that's it. He said you have to try to manage it. He said there's no return to reality. He said he has had multiple strokes and it's not going to get better. He said he has a loaf of bread in there instead of a brain. He said he's still in there somewhere but the guy is 100 years old. He said he'll be 99 in July. Ralph said he thinks at least he's still here and has a life. Howard said he has no life. He said Ralph just wants to hear his impression of them.
Howard said it's maddening. Ralph said poor Beth too. He said she's getting a lot of this. Howard said she's not even the daughter. He said it's the daughter in law. He said the back and forth with yelling is tough to take. Howard went into that impression of his mother yelling for Beth and asking if she can hear her. Howard said just text them instead of calling. He said they asked the aide to do that from now on.
Howard said his mother can't hear anything and the aide has to repeat things but they have to ask her to do that. He said it's a mad house. He did more of his impression of his mom yelling for Beth.
Howard said his mother came back from the dead. He said they were already going to the funeral home to pick things out for her to wear. He said then she came back. He said it's a miracle. He said he finally got a miracle but it wasn't in high school when he wanted to fuck the hottest girl in school. He said his mother came back from the dead. Howard let Ralph go after that.
Howard was still doing his impression of his mom yelling for Beth. He said this is nuts. He said this is all just to get some egg drop soup. He said try explaining there is no such thing as low sodium egg drop soup to his mother when she can't hear. He did his impression of what that would sound like. He had Ray yelling and Beth yelling to Ray and the aide.
Howard asked his mom to tell the doctor ''No more miracles.'' He said people are living longer and there's no care for them. Robin said that we don't take that into account. She said we just leave it to chance.
Howard said a health care worker called and said it was a blessing. Howard said he doesn't like to see his parents suffer. Robins said you wouldn't want to see a stranger suffer like that. Howard said no. He said he told Beth to be ready to put the pillow over his head. He said he's not sure he wants to go that long.
Howard said he was thinking he might have to take himself out at some point. He said his mother worries that God is going to get upset if she did something like that so she wants him to take her. Howard said he thinks that if there's a slit chance that there might be a god then he doesn't want to screw up. Robin said it's just so sad. Howard said he's taking care of two infants. He said that's what he told Beth. He said he told her to start stocking up on low sodium egg drop soup now. He said he's not sure who is eating that stuff.
Howard got the guys on and said he has Mike Trainor there. He said he used to be on TV. Mike said they still run the show. He said it's called ''World's Dumbest.'' He said they still run it on TruTV. He said he got some comedy writing chops there. He said he can't hate it. Howard said he tries to watch it. He said it's a bunch of guys who comment on what's on the news and stuff. Mike said they had a bunch of guys like Danny Bonaduce and Todd Bridges on the show. He said that he thinks people are going to notice he was on it but they don't.
Howard said when he was in Detroit he thought people would know who he was. He said that people looked at him and thought he was in the circus or something. He said he'd ell them he was on WWWW and they would wonder if the station was still around. He said that they listened to other shows there. He said it was fucking disaster there.
Mike said he gets recognized from the show about once every 6 months or so. Howard asked how he got the job. Mike said he had a friend working there and she told him to try out. Howard said they have hired like 3 people from that show. He said he's not sure that's the best recruiting ground. He said he sees guys being hired from Harvard but they hire guys from World's Dumbest. He asked if that's their Harvard. Mike said it ran for 15 seasons. Robin said she never even heard of it after 15 seasons. Mike said he's thrilled to be there and Howard is fun to work with. He said it's been great.
Howard said hew ants to thank World's Dumbest for training his staff. Howard asked JD what he has for them. JD said he has baseball blunders. Howard said that's a good package too. Howard said Gary has the Karen stuff. He said Mike has this good one. He asked him to explain it. Mike said it's Boobie Streamer Retiring. He said it's about people who stream their video games on Twitch and girls will do it while flaunting their tits. He said it's girls who are showing that while playing games. He said it's a lot of toxic men watching this stuff.
Mike said this woman had 218,000 followers on Twitch and she had a one time donation of $2,500. He said back in 2016 she announced her retirement as a streamer. He said this is her retiring. Howard played the clip and this woman RainbowKids made her announcements. Howard played that and then another clip of this Rainbow woman talking about how bad things were with the fans. She said it wasn't fun for her anymore. Howard said it's sad. Gary said it's weird that guys call her names when she's showing her boobs for free. He said if someone did that for him when he was a kid he'd never talk bad about her.
Howard said the kids online bite the boobies that feed them. Mike said that he's not sure why you'd want to be friends with people like that.
Mike said this woman talks about how she wants to move on and evolve. Howard played more audio of her announcement. Mike said she wanted to move on to other things and she changed her name to her real name which was Anisa. He said that there's a twist. He said a few years after that she got back to Boobie Streaming and started an OnlyFans account. He had some audio for Howard to play. Howard played another clip and this woman talked about how she has financial freedom now and it doesn't matter what people think. She said she has grown a lot and feels more secure with herself. Howard said great, now lets see your tits.
Howard said he doesn't mean to be negative but he could have predicted this. Mike said she's doing well now and has plenty of followers. He said she appears to be doing well.
JD said she started out on Twitch a while ago. He said now they have a whole new category for people like this. He said they're girls in bikinis just talking to people. He said it's crazy. Howard asked if he should get on Twitch. JD said there's some good stuff on there. He said he could go on now and find 10-20 women in bikinis just talking to people. JD told Howard and Robin what the girls will do for donations. He said they'll do all kinds of crazy things.
Howard asked if JD has tipped a woman on Twitch. JD said he has not. He said he's not even sure how it works. He said some girls show too much skin and get kicked off. He said you can't talk about OnlyFans and stuff like that on there. He said it's sexual in nature and Twitch doesn't let you do that.
Howard said he got a note saying that JD watches animals on Twitch. JD said he did find channels where you can watch animals in people's back yards and stuff. Howard said he used to watch that kind of stuff. He said it takes forever for something to happen though. JD said he has watched that but he watches live sumo wrestling at night too. Gary asked if he bets on it. JD said no. He said he just watches the fight.
JD said he watches people opening collector cards too. He said that's where they open up cards. He said that he feels stupid at 42 watching that stuff because it's young people and they're always saying ''POG'' and he has no idea what that means. Howard had the guys look it up and they said it stations for Play Of the Game on Twitch. He said it's when something epic or cool happens.
Howard said he saw that JD's team the Cincinnati Reds aren't doing very well. JD said that they're not. He said they had a no hitter last weekend and they still ended up losing. He expiated how that happened. Howard said that's unbelievable.
Howard said there's the boobie streaming package. He said that was pretty good Mike.
Howard and the guys were talking about the awful stuff they watch. Robin said that she was thinking about Howard and how he watches so many bad things but he hasn't seen Nightmare Alley. JD said that Bradley Cooper shows his penis a little bit in it. Howard said no wonder Robin liked it.
Howard said he sees that one of the top watched Twitch feeds is a woman sleeping. JD said he's assuming it's live but he thinks that people will pay her while she sleeps.
Howard asked how big Bradley Cooper's cock was. JD said it was a couple of inches flaccid. He said that it's not a huge one. He said it was a good size. Howard said there you go.
Howard said Gary was ahead of his time sleeping during work. He said that's what that woman is doing. He said there are 44,000 people watching her sleep. Gary said they did a movie about that. He said it was some Andy Warhol movie or something. Robin said there was a movie where a woman was drugged and people would do things to her. Howard said that's not a movie, that's evidence.
Will said this woman is wearing sweats and socks and you can't see anything. He said it's kind of gross. He said he's not sure what she looks like because her face is hidden. Howard asked if he's tipping her. Will said he's not. He said the guys are trying to get it up on the screen but it's not working. JD said that's the girl who sells farts. He said her name is Amouranth. JD said there are a lot of people he watches who just watch stuff and comment on what they're watching. Jason said he can show Howard what the girl looks like. Howard said she has a nice ass. JD said she's usually in a bikini in a hot tub. He said she has gotten into trouble doing things too. He said she's been suspended a lot. Gary said JD knows a lot about this girl. JD said he is in the Twitch universe in a way. He said he knows a lot of people.
Howard asked JD what that $5 box was for. JD said that's like a tip thing and you can get her to do things by tipping her. He said she has done a lot of stuff on there. He said she's one of the more popular female Twitchers.
Pamela gave Howard another quote of ''Everything has a past and everyone has to go through things and there's good and bad and they're right in the middle of it.'' Everyone said it was Sal. They were right.
Howard said there are reports that the sleeping woman on Twitch makes a million a month on Twitch. Howard said if Pam Anderson had done that she could have made 20 million a month.
Pamela gave another quote which was ''Dogs are my favorite role models and i want to live and play like a dog...'' Howard said he thinks that's Oprah. Most of the other guys said it was Sal. Pamela said it was Oprah.
Howard said he has something about Sal. He said this is him on the afterlife and hypnotism. He said that these are his views on spirituality. He said he has an answer for everything. He said she can add this to her list. Howard said Sal's dog died in 2018 and he's been on a journey of self improvement. He said he meditates and reads. Pamela said he harasses doctors... Howard said that too.
Howard said Sal says that this stuff comes from his own mind. He said he says he knows there is an afterlife and he can provide information. Howard played the clip of Sal talking about how everyone can communicate with the other side. He said that he knows there is an afterlife and he can communicate with it. He said he knows the universe listens. Howard said what an idiot. Howard said Sal is like a confused Confucius.
Gary asked Sal who he has communicated with. Sal said there is a ball of energy and light that you feel. He said they come to you as thoughts. He said there is information in there. He said you learn a lot of things. Howard said he never hears from anyone in a language he knows. Sal said he doesn't seek that. He said Howard wouldn't either. He said that Howard is seeking happiness. Howard said Sal talks in fortune cookies now.
Howard said the worst thing is the voice Sal puts on. He said he gets into this serious voice. He said Sal believes that your soul can be reincarnated to reach another level. Howard played a clip of Sal talking about that and how all of that works according to his brain.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Gary Busey was rambling like Sal about the afterlife and stuff. Fake Gary was going on and on with his bat shit crazy stuff. Howard said Sal has a fan in Gary Busey. He asked if he believes there are different floors in heaven like Sal says. Gary started rambling nonsense again about that and how Sal understands all of that.
Fake Gary mentioned the dime thing that Sal brings up. Sal said he swears on his life that he found 3 dimes yesterday and that shows that the universe knew this was going to happen today.
Howard had more clips of Sal for Pamela to hear. He played a clip of Sal talking about soul circles and how that works. Howard said that might be the dumbest thing he's ever heard. He said Sal is child like and he's afraid of death and he's created this made up story to give himself comfort. Sal said he can't argue with that.
Pamela said that Oprah and Sal are interchangeable with their quotes. Howard said Sal collects feathers too. He said he thinks the represent angels. He asked how many dimes he has. Sal said about 100 and about six feathers. Howard said this is childish magical thinking. He said it gets you through the day but this is what a young child would do. He said you need magic in your life so you have hope with the unexplainable. Sal said he thinks it's the complete opposite of it. He said Howard has fear of death. Howard said of course he does. He said that this is childish thinking that Sal is doing.
Robin said she was in Guatemala and these midwives all had these stories about what gave them their purpose. She said that they were all made up stories.
Howard said Sal has had the worst life. He said he had a lot going on as a kid. He said he had his father hitting him with loaves of bread. He said now he lives on Long Island where nothing magical happens. He said he's stuck in a house with a wife who has had it with him. He said this is how he's getting through it.
Sal said a few weeks ago he power washed the deck and he asked his wife what he gets for doing it. She said ''A clean deck.''
Howard said this is what simpletons do. He said that's what Sal is doing. Sal said this is just another thing in his life where he's trying to improve himself.
Howard said Sal has a theory on miscarriages. He played a clip of Sal talking about how that's a soul deciding they want out and don't want to come back.
Pamela said she's working on a new list of words that Sal uses. She said she's going to have him define them.
Howard said he might have to hire Pamela. He asked if she worked at World's Dumbest.
Howard said Sal claims he can communicate with his guardian angels while under hypnosis. He said back in February they had Scott Schmaren in there and Sal made predictions and got them all wrong. Howard played some of that audio. Howard played some audio of Scott talking to Sal and asking him for a few predictions. Sal predicted that Pete Davidson will stick with Kim Kardashian and marry her.
Sal said he just wishes the best for everyone. He said he doesn't care of they believe in this stuff or not.
Howard played a clip of Sal talking to Scott about his siblings that he has that he doesn't know about. Howard said Sal has been watching a ton of Spanish porn lately and he's completely obsessed. He said that's why he said that his sibling was Spanish.
Howard said they asked about Sal's sibling Dennis. Howard played the clip of Sal talking about Dennis and how he's gone and he's very proud of him and he's glad he's connecting to him now. He said he's proud and happy to be in paradise now.
Howard said everyone knows Dennis the aborted menace. Sal said he was talking to a soul. Robin said the babies are around having experiences then. Sal said he is pro-choice and this soul was happy. He said this isn't an abortion he's talking to.
Howard answered a knock at he door and it was Dennis the abortion. Howard asked what he had to say. He was just making gurgling noises. Howard said that was Dennis the abortion. Sal said he'd like to convince Howard that there is an afterlife. He said he thinks he could do it and it would improve his life. Howard said he's not willing to be in a room with Sal alone talking about that. Sal said if he can provide him with a relative of someone he's never spoke about he would like to present that to a medium and see if he can get him to say things that only he would know about them would that convince him. Howard asked how he hired this guy. He said he hired Mike from World's Dumbest and he hired Sal because he is the world's dumbest.
Howard said he's not willing to sit and listen to him and his psychic friends. He said he knows that he hired Sal after he was out in front of the building holding signs. Sal said that was Dan the Song Parody Man he's thinking about. Howard said it was Sal. He said no he's advising him on the afterlife.
Mike said that they're all going to stop laughing when they die and they're handed a jar full of dimes. Howard asked Sal how the dead people get dimes. Sal said they utilize people. He said they plan it all out. He said he was told to go to the liquor store so he would find the dimes there. He said what he's saying is that the spirit guide tell you to go to these places. He said they place it in your mind. Howard said check out Scott Schmaren at his web site UltimateVisionaryMind.com
Howard thanked Sal for all of that. Pamela had one last quote from Oprah that made Sal's mind smoke. Howard said he thinks they did a lot today and that's it. He said they didn't clear a lot out of the computer but they got to some stuff. Howard said that model they were watching on Twitch woke up and went back to sleep. He said Harry Styles will be in tomorrow. He did a live commercial read and ended the show around 10:10am.
Howard started the show talking about Ed McMahon since Fred was playing some ''Hi-oh'' audio drops from Ed. Howard said he's not sure if he's dead or not. Robin said she's not sure either. Howard said Gilbert is gone. Fred was playing his laugh. Howard asked what's so funny. Fred had Gilbert laughing hard and nothing.
Howard asked Gilbert what his reaction is when he sees Ed in heaven. Fred had him laughing. Howard said what's so great is that the laugh had to be at something horrible. He said it may have been over a tsunami or something. He asked Gilbert what he thinks of a tsunami and Fred played Gilbert laughing hard.
Howard asked Gilbert what he thinks about the people who died from COVID around the world. Gilbert laughed. Robin said she read about how over 200,000 kids have lost their parents due to COVID. Gilbert laughed. Howard said they lost a lot of Ukrainian children in bombings. Fred had Gilbert laughing at all of that stuff. Howard asked Gilbert about the shortage of baby formula and he laughed again. Howard said he told him to be serious.
Howard said yesterday was his parents 75th wedding anniversary. He said his parents wolfed down the food he had sent over from Nathan's. He said he got a thank you through Beth. He said the aide texted Beth and let her know that Ray was very grateful or something like that. He said it was a thank you. He said they never thank him.
Howard said Beth asked if he thinks they know he makes all of this happen. Howard said if they do they don't want him to know. He said one of his kids pointed out to his mother that he's the one who makes this all happen. He said his mother says she has very nice children. He said there's some hang up there. He said there's no ability to connect the dots. He said after he got them their place and Beth decorated it with his money his mother thanked Beth for it all. He said it's weird how they don't acknowledge him doing anything for them. He said there's nothing he can do about it but it is weird.
Howard said his mother is down to like 18 pounds now. Fred had Gilbert laugh at that. Howard said his father is bat shit crazy. Gilbert laughed again.
Howard said Gilbert can put you in a good mood. He said his dad is walking around hallucinating. Gilbert laughed again.
Jon Hein got on and said he's seen about half the season and it's really heavy stuff. He said when you hear them talk it's really raw. He said they touch on issues that are uncomfortable. He said the therapist goes to another therapist to talk about these couples and it gets inside all of the mechanics that make this work. Howard said Robin should watch it. He said it's really good. He said just try one episode. He said the shows are like 20 minutes long. He said they go fast. Howard said whoever puts that show together for Showtime odes a really good job.
Howard said yesterday he spent about 25 minutes complaining about getting Nathan's for his mother in his therapy session.
Howard said Lionel Ritchie received an award so he was watching the Gershwin award thing. He said the award thing happened to be good. He said Lionel has written so man good songs. He said between working with the Commodores and everything he's done he's written some really good stuff. He said it was pretty good watching it.
Howard said Lionel was really making a good speech. He said he thought he was a bit of a talking head on American Idol but he's really good. He said that they gave him this award and he thought he was surprised but it turns out his face is stuck in that look. He said he has some good looking wife too. He said she had some under tittie showing. He said that's the trend now with the gals. He said the show under their titties. He said he'd love to see Robin in something like that. Robin said she has to get an outfit.
Howard said Lionel made a great speech about life and love. He said he was thinking they should let him make some speeches like that on Idol. He said he was good. He said he learned a lot about him on that award show.
Robin asked why he never said anything about him before this. Howard said he admires the guy for being able to write so many hit songs. He said every song that came out was a hit. He said he sits there like god on the box and he's got the wife with her under tittie. He said Robin should lift her sweater up to give herself under tittie.
Howard said the dude from American Idol, Luke Bryan, was there with Lionel. He said he did Lady. He said Katy Perry wasn't there but Luke was. He said that he's kind of a charming guy. He said he looks like he guy who played Superman on the original series. He said that guy was a trip too. He said he was never comfortable with the part. He said the outfit looked like pajamas. He said he looked like a slow adult with superman pajamas. He said his name was George Reeves. He said he was so pissed. He said the guy got the role and he became stereotyped. He said he did Superman and he was never able to get away from it.
Howard said the guy wasn't in shape either so he looked like Jon Hein. Robin said the outfit wore out and got saggier and baggier as the show went on. Howard said he looked like he stumbled out of a bar at night. He said when he put on that outfit it was so fucking big. He said he had under boobs too. He said he was the originator of that.
Robin said she was in love with that guy. She said she didn't see any flaws in him. Howard said by the second season he was kind of fat. Robin said she remembers his belly poking through his shirt in one episode. Howard said it's like someone doing a weight watchers commercial and that was the before image.
Howard said he's not sure what he was talking about. Robin said he was talking about Lionel Ritchie. Howard said that's right. He said Luke Bryan did the song ''Lady'' and some other people did some songs. He said he had never heard of most of them. He said one person who came out was Chris Stapleton. He said he was good. He said that was good. He said he stayed up and watched most of it. He said he didn't see the whole thing though.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake William Shatner who wanted to sing a Lionel Ritchie song. He did Lionel's ''Hello'' and spoke the song in his special way.
Howard said they should have had him there. He let him go on with the song for a short time. He covered ''Lady'' too.
Howard asked Bill about the way he says Lady and how that came about. Bill kept going with the song. Howard said Robin is showing some under tittie. He asked what other songs he does. Bill sang some other songs for Howard. He said he's looking forward to Harry Styles today. Howard asked if he does any of his songs. Bill sang one of his songs.
Howard asked if he would ever headline Coachella or anything like that. Bill said he doesn't know what that word is. Howard asked him about the way he says Lady. Bill said Lady in a bunch of different ways.
Howard asked if Bill would come back later and sing with Harry Styles. Bill said he would love that. Howard let him go a short time later.
Samantha said she called in when she was 12 and she was asked what she thinks about Donald Trump and he did the name game with her. Howard asked if she's watching American Idol. Samantha said somewhat. Howard said he watches it all. Samantha said she's watching the Celtics. Howard said he doesn't waste his time on that. Samantha said her dad won't let her go to a game. Howard asked why not. She said that it's too expensive. She said he works in real estate. She said he listens to Howard every day. Howard said he's a good man.
Howard asked if Samantha has a boyfriend yet. She said she wishes. Howard said he's sure she's excited about Harry Styles. She said she is. She said he's coming to New York in a few days. Howard said he's doing a bunch of shows at Madison Square Garden. Samantha said her friends are going. She said she can't go because of sports. Howard said her dad has to switch careers. She said that her dad buys and sells apartment buildings and stuff.
Samantha said that all of the boys she knows are assholes. Howard said Harry has a song about dudes who are assholes. He said he was going over the new album he has and they gave him warnings about not playing it on the air before he gets there. Howard said he's not sure what they'll do if he plays it but they warned him not to. He said the album comes out on Friday. He said they told him not to play it though.
Howard said if Samantha pushed him he might play it. Howard asked Samantha what it is about boys that makes her think they're a-holes. She said that they try to show off and stuff.
Howard said Harry will be playing a song called ''Boyfriend'' on today's show and that's the song he wants Samantha to listen to. She said she has to go to school now but she'll try. Howard said the song taps into what she's saying. Samantha said that he must think like her. Howard said he does think like a 14 year old girl.
Howard asked if any boy has asked her out. Samantha said they have but she has rejected them. Howard said she must see what they're after and she doesn't want to be part of it. Samantha said that's exactly right. Howard said there have to be some boys out there who appreciate her beauty and intelligence. Howard asked what her game plan is for love. Samantha said she wants to find someone who is respectful and cute and smart.
Samantha gave a shout out to some of her dad's friends. Howard said he wants to suggest something to her. He said she has to find a boyfriend who can afford to take her to a Celtics game. Samantha said she would love that. Howard said one of his daughters is getting married next year and when she introduced him to her fiancee he asked if he had any money. He said he's looking to lighten his load. He said she's actually very independent. He said she gets a good paycheck. He said she has a good career going.
Howard asked what she plans on doing for a living. Samantha said she wanted to become a doctor but she can't handle puke. She said she might become a lawyer or something. Howard said that's a good idea. He said that's a good education. He said he tried to get his kids to be lawyers. Samantha told Howard she also plays a lot of sports. Howard said if she wants to work there she has to work for a show called ''World's Dumbest.'' He said he hires a lot of people from that show. Howard said he has to get back to the show so he hopes this was valuable to her. Samantha said she thinks it was. Howard asked if she has kissed a boy. Samantha said she has. Howard asked how that went. Samantha said it was interesting. She said her parents know about it now but they didn't know before.
Howard said he had a girlfriend when he was 13. He said his friend told him they had to play the field so he broke up with that girl. He said he was dating Irene and he waited all year to be with her at summer camp. He said he said he had to play the field and he had no idea what he was even saying. Robin said see how dopey boys are.
Samantha said her brother got a buzz cut and he was getting all the ladies until he did that. She said he looks like an egg now. Howard said now he has no girls. Samantha said exactly. Howard said how foolish. Howard asked how old he is. She said he's 12. Howard said he thought he was older. Samantha said that she told him not to do it. She said she wasn't going to talk to him if he did it. Howard said she sounds more mature than most of the guys on his staff. Samantha said she thinks it's just because she's on he air. She said she makes some bad decisions. Howard asked what he worst decision was. She said she can't say in front of her father.
Howard asked if she made a phony phone call to a pizza place. Samantha said no to that. She said it wasn't that bad. Howard said he thinks she cheated on a test. Samantha said she has done that. She said that's not the worst thing she's done. Howard asked if she committed tax fraud. Samantha said no. Howard said he thought maybe she did. He said he has to move on. He said she's a good kid. Samantha said happy birthday to her uncle Dean whose birthday it was today. She thanked Howard for taking the time.
Hard asked if she bullied someone. She said she doesn't do that. she said that's not okay. Howard asked if she killed a drifter. She said she doesn't know what that is. Howard asked if she writes jokes and does impressions. She said she does. Howard let her go a short time later. He said she's a good kid. He said he remembers her calling in when she was 12. He said he really does.
Howard said Christian could have won but he had some shitty songs. He said that he picked a horrible song for that Disney thing. He said Christian also goes full bore and he doesn't seem to modulate his voice. He said he would have told him that. He said he could have won.
The caller said he got in more control as the season went on. Howard said he needed him as a judge. Howard said the judges all say the same things over and over again. He said they never give advice. He said the don't tell them what they need to hear. He said you have to build up.
Howard said his father wrote him a letter about his college radio show. He said he sent his father a copy of the show and his father told him what a moron he was and how bad he was on air. He said he wishes he had saved that letter. He said he went through each break and told him what he was doing wrong. He said he was telling him how he had to get professional and then he can make some jokes. He said the son of a bitch was right. He said he was harsh but he was right. He said he took that to heart. He said if he was on American Idol he would have told Christian the truth. He said he would have blown smoke up his ass if he wanted it but he would tell the truth if he wanted to hear it.
Howard said he got a lot of hate mail on America's Got Talent but that's because he was telling the truth. The caller said they need that constructive criticism on that show.
Howard said Bobby Bones used to come in and give the kids advice. He said he thought the guy was a radio DJ and didn't sing. He said he would give advice about being upbeat and things like that. He said get the fuck out of here with that. He said you have to learn to sing. He said this season they had Dennis Hough and he was telling the singers that the have to dance a little bit. He said this is a singing show. He said get the fuck out with that.
Howard said he would have turned this kid into a winner if he was still on the show. The caller said he's still out there. He said it would be amazing if he had him on the show to talk to him. Howard said he would have told him to play up the blindness thing. He said he should have been wearing sunglasses. He said he has to go for the sympathy. He said this is show business.
Howard said he liked this kid. He said he has potential. He said he would have told him to go feel Katy's face and then slip and touch her titties. He said she has some nice ones. He said that Christian was a good kid. He said that he's from New York. The caller said Christian loves Howard and Beetlejuice too. Howard said everyone loves Beetlejuice. He was going to wrap up with this caller, James, but he was sill asking him to have him on the show. Howard said he's going to give him the harsh reality. He said he interviews Harry Styles and not the losers from American Idol. He said he has to go out there and win. He said he's a good kid though. He said he did vote for him. Howard let James go after that.
Howard said he would have come out with a walking stick if he were Christian. He said he would have whacked Ryan Seacrest right in the head with it too. He said this Leah Marlene is going to win it. He said he watches that show and he likes it. He said people are surprised that he watches it. He said he's considered an anomaly.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she didn't have a cool story or anything. she said she has been listening and she's listening for Harry Styles today. She said she wondered what would happen if she called into the show. Howard said he can't keep putting people on who have nothing to say. He said he can only do so much with callers like that. The caller, Breezy, said she's a music student and she wondered if he has any tips for her. Howard asked if he wants him to be honest. She said of course. Howard asked if she's cute. Breezy said she's not sure what that means. Howard said she knows what he's talking about. She thought he had said something else. Howard asked if she looks like Olivia Rodrigo. She said no and that's kind of disappointing to her too. she said she's been told she looks like Linda Ronstadt. Howard said that's good.
Howard asked Breezy to sing something for him. She said she can sing something. Howard said she's an indie artist. She said she is. She said she has some music out on Spotify. Howard asked what she wears on stage. Breezy said she hasn't been on stage in a while. She said she just wears what she feels comfortable in. Howard said that's the wrong answer. He said she has to wear something nice.
Howard asked Breezy to sing for him. She said this might be the one to sing. She said it's a Sam Cooke song called ''I Wish You Love.'' She went into the song and sang to Howard. Howard let her go for a little bit and then told her that she might want to go into law or something. He said she has a nice sound. He said he found her voice soothing. He said he'll listen to her on Spotify. He asked what her name is on there. Breezy said that her name is Bonsai on Spotify. Howard asked why that's her name on there. she said she was in a band in high school. Howard said he'll look it up on there. He let her go after that.
Howard said don't call him singing now. He said he has things to do. Fred played Beetlejuice singing. Howard said this is Breezy on Spotify. Robin told him to stop it.
Howard said everyone wants to be a singer. He said he does miss the judging once in a while. Robin said he seems to be itching to get back out there. Howard said he's busy running a health care facility for his parents so he's too busy for that. He said he made some good coin doing that show. He said that people should pay attention to him.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked when Harry is coming on. Howard said he'll be there around 9-ish. He said he has to do some bits and he'll get him in here. He said they'll let it rock and roll.
Howard said you have to sit through this kind of crap before they get to Harry. The caller said she'll be in New York on Friday for his show. Howard said she must want him so bad. The caller, Briana, wasn't saying much so Howard was asking what she would do with him. She hung up. Howard said the conversation must have gotten to intense for her. Fred played Gilbert laughing again. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said this guy can sing. He said that's Paul Rogers. He said it's a great song. He said it still holds up. He said that's Bad Company and they were a super group. He said they had some guys from King Crimson and Mott the Hoople. He said it was a super group. He sang some King Crimson while the Bad Company song was playing. He said he has no control over this show. He said he wants to turn this shit off. He said he wants them to play King Crimson. He said he'll try to get into the mood again. He sang again. The guys played the song for him after he sang some of it. Howard said he's just showing off for the kids tuning in to hear Harry Styles.
Howard said he should be on American Idol as a contestant. Robin asked if they have an age limit. Howard said no actually. He said he might be able to go on and blow some people away. He said the kids won't be able to match up with him. The guys were playing the King Crimson song ''In the Court of the Crimson King'' that Howard was singing. He sang more of that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said they've been camping out for the Today show for Harry Styles. Howard said this guy has girls in a tizzy. He said he's a good looking kid. He said he has the world by the balls. The girls were around 18 years old. Howard asked if they have seen a picture of him. One of the girls said ''Unfortunately...'' Howard said he's a super star and he's easy to get.
Howard said if they said they were attracted to him he would have had them into the show to see Harry. He hung up on them after that.
Howard said it must be great having girls going crazy for you like that. Robin asked if he could handle that. Howard said he thinks so. He said he would have had sex with all of his fans. He said he would stop doing concerts and just have sex with his fans in Madison Square Garden. He said he'd give total access to his balls.
Howard said he will tell you this. He said Ronnie was talking about his buddy Kurt Busch and he's reading in the paper that he and his wife are divorcing. He said he didn't know about that. Howard said he's afraid that Ronnie is going to break up with Stephanie after that. He said Ronnie used to worship him and he got divorced after he got divorced. He said he got a younger girlfriend when he got one. He said with Kurt running around like that Ronnie might be influenced by him.
Howard asked if Ronnie knew about this. Ronnie said he can't talk about it. Howard said look at this. Ronnie said he knows a lot and he just can't talk about it. Howard said look at this guy. Ronnie said he's respecting his friend. Howard asked what he's going to do when he wants to go out with the boys. Ronnie said there's nothing wrong with that. Howard said he smells the end.
Howard said Ronnie went to Kurt's wedding. Ronnie said it was back in like 2015 or so. Howard did some math to figure out if it was 7 years like Robin said it was. Howard said he has 3 extra fingers left so Robin was right.
Howard said Ronnie became friends with Kurt when he took him to a strip club thanks to this show. Howard said that Ronnie can't talk about it though even though he met him through the show. Ronnie said he would do the same for Howard. Howard said he's his blood so he has to protect him. Howard asked if Ronnie knew that something was up. Ronnie said he doesn't know anything.
Howard said it's interesting that this is the first race he won after losing a lot and now he's divorcing. He said maybe he needed to be single and fucking like a rabbit. Ronnie said he's on a new team and they have new cars this year. Howard asked when he last spoke to him. Ronnie said yesterday. Howard asked if he can believe that he has access to that guy. He said he's the man and he hopes that Ronnie has a picture of him in the house that he prays to every day. Ronnie said he thinks he does have a picture of him somewhere in that house.
Howard asked what he and Kurt talked about. Ronnie said he already knew about the divorce so they were just talking. Howard said look at this. He said Ronnie knows about this guy's divorce ahead of time. Howard did his impression of Ronnie and Kurt talking on the phone.
Howard asked if he gave Kurt any advice. Ronnie said he's not going to say. Howard said that's a yes. Ronnie said he feels bad for both of them. Howard asked if he needed advice. He asked what they could talk about. Ronnie said he's his friend and they just talked. Howard said he'd pay anything to hear what that conversation is like. Fred did his Ronnie puppet thing and said Kurt needs some new Bush if you know what I mean.
Howard did more of his Ronnie impression talking to Kurt. Howard asked if Stephanie is nervous now. Ronnie said not at all. He said he doesn't want to be single. Howard said he knows he will.
Robin said she wants to know if they hung out and if the friends were all in relationships. Ronnie said everyone is married or has a girlfriend. Ronnie puppet added ''...for now.'' Howard said you know that this is going to lead to other break ups. He asked if they had any kids. Ronnie said no. Howard said that makes it easier to break up. He said the guy is probably fucking someone already. Ronnie said not that he knows of.
Ronnie Puppet was going nuts talking about all of that. He was saying he's going from NASCAR to NASCUNT. Howard said Kurt was asked about Ronnie's driving and he trashed his driving. Ronnie said he was just breaking balls. Howard said that's not what Ronnie needs. He said he should find something nice to say about him. Ronnie said he can take it.
Howard asked if he's going to hang with Kurt. Ronnie said if he comes to town sure. He said it'll be fine. He said it won't be uncomfortable.
Robin said the wives will be upset because the have to dump Ashley the ex. Howard asked how Kurt is going to get her out of the house. Ronnie said he has no idea. Howard said that's probably what he called about. Ronnie said he has no idea. Howard said Ronnie can help him with that. He did his impression of him talking to Kurt. Ronnie Puppet was doing the same.
Howard asked if you can believe that Ronnie is in the middle of all of this. Ronnie said he's not involved. Howard said he did talk to him yesterday. He said he and Ronnie talked about his divorce too. He said he talked to maybe 2 or 3 people. He said that if Kurt is talking to him he must be close. He said that's wild that he's calling the same day of his divorce. He said he worked his magic. Ronnie said he's just a good friend. Howard said he sounds hung over. He asked if he's sick or something. Ronnie said he was out in the sun. He said his throat is dry. He said he was floating in his pool. Robin told him to use some sunscreen.
Howard said this is a wild story. He said Ronnie is talking to the guy when he announces his divorce. Howard said Ronnie has gone a long way and he has dumped some of his old friend. Ronnie said he had friends from New York there the other day. He said he hasn't dumped anyone. Howard said he heard from some guys who said he's too good for them now. He said he won't say who said that though. Ronnie said he spoke to Joe yesterday. He said he spoke to Kurt too.
Howard said today in Vegas it's going to be 100. He said it'll be 103 tomorrow. Ronnie said it's fine. He said it hasn't gotten above 100 there where he is. He said it was 96 yesterday. Howard said Ronnie hates the dryness in Vegas. He said he hears it in his voice. Ronnie said this is the first time it's been that bad. Robin said his face looks puffy today. Ronnie said it's not puffy. Howard said maybe he was crying over Kurt. Ronnie said sure he was.
Howard said way to go working his way in with Kurt. Ronnie said they're just friends. He said he didn't work his way in. Howard said in all seriousness he hopes things work out for Kurt. Ronnie said they're both good people.
Howard said Kurt is on the phone. He took the call and the guys had a guy saying he was sad over the divorce but there were girls moaning along with him. Ronnie said when he got married Steven Tyler played his wedding. Howard asked if that's right. Ronnie said that's right. He said he played with his own band and not with Aerosmith. He said Steven did a whole set. Howard asked if he had to pay him like a million bucks. Ronnie said he's not sure but he was great.
Howard said he'd bet that Kurt gets married again before Ronnie gets married. Ronnie said it's all up to Stephanie now. He said she wants this big wedding so it's all up to her. He said that he would marry her today if she wanted to do it at a chapel. He said she keeps saying she wants to do it but nothing happens.
Howard asked why Stephanie can't get the wedding going. Ronnie said she tries to blame it on him but he doesn't need a big wedding. He said it's all up to her. Howard said maybe he's not helping her with the planning. Ronnie said she knows where she wants to have it and he says to her that they should go talk to the dude about it and they never go. He said he's not going to push the issue. Howard said he should get ready for Harry Styles.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said Kurt probably told Ronnie to keep his mouth shut about this whole thing. He said that's what the call was about. Ronnie said he doesn't know anything. He said he thinks he knows everything about relationships and he doesn't. Howard asked if Kurt was giving him the heads up. Ronnie said absolutely not. Ronnie said they just talked. He said that's all. Ronnie said he talks to him all the time. He said he talked to him about a week ago.
Howard thanked Ralph for the insight. He said yesterday Ronnie was contacted by Kurt and he's in the inner circle. Ronnie said he never said that. Howard said he's saying it. He said there you go. He said when they come back they'll have Harry Styles there. He said Gary came in and said he heard the sound check and it sounds real good. Gary said he really is a fan now. He said he's such a good dude and he sounds great. Howard said Gary really is in love with the guy. Gary said his whole team is amazing. Howard said it's nice to hear that. Gary said the team is huge today and they're all great. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he has Harry Styles there. He said he has a new album coming out on Friday called Harry's House. He said he looks good. He asked how he is. Harry said he's very well. Howard asked what his work out is. He said he has to get into shape like him. Harry said he walks a lot. He said he used to go in and do a lot of random weights and stuff. He said he stopped doing that and now he does dance. He said it's low impact stuff. Howard said he looks good. He said whatever he's doing is working.
Howard said he was thinking about him and reading about this big tour he has coming up. He said he's doing a bunch of shows at Madison Square Garden. Harry said they're doing 10 shows there. Howard said Harry talks about getting 10 hours of sleep a night when he's touring. Howard said in the past there were bands staying up all night and banging. He asked if he can imagine doing all of that crazy crap. Harry said he can't do it. He said he thinks drinking and stuff just dehydrates his voice so much that it would be freeing if he could have a night out but he just can't do it. He said knowing he can't do it makes it easier. He said he has tried it and it didn't work for him. He said he feels he owes it to whoever is coming to do his best. He said he's okay with making that sacrifice.
Howard asked Harry about where he gets the work ethic to do that. Harry said he thinks a lot of going out and going to parties and stuff like that he did in the first couple of One Direction tours. He said the songs got higher and higher so his singing got harder and harder. He said he feels like he did a lot of that thing early on. He said now there are more shows and he's thinking of it like how an athlete would approach it. He said it's pretty incredible what he gets to do so he treats it as such so it's not that much of a sacrifice. Howard said it's like a military organization. He said that he has to make sure he can do the job and he has to treat it like a job. Harry said it's like a 9-11 job and not a 9 to 5. He said he tries to think of it like he can be at 100 percent and take care of his body and stuff like that. He said he loves doing it so it doesn't feel like he's giving up on life. He said he can get into a rhythm and almost into a meditative state. He said then he's not touring he feels like. He said it almost feels like on and off season.
Howard asked how neurotic he gets. He said when he does a show in the morning he goes to bed early and people find it odd that he still cares. He said he has this desire for the audience to love him. He said Harry said the same thing about audiences. He said there's a tremendous drive to be loved. Howard said that's how he feels. He said you want to be loved by the masses. He said there's also something sad in it. He asked what the damage is inside that they need that from strangers. Harry said he thinks most people have that inside them as human beings. He said when you get into an industry like music there is a level of ego involved. He said they want to be heard. He said that if you didn't have an ego you wouldn't care about what people think. He said he thinks there is something about how dangerous and fragile the industry is that makes you love a thing and it only loves you back if you're doing well. He said if you can find a way to redefine how you measure your own self worth and have that not be dependant on how successful you are then you can be okay. He said the damage can happen if someone thinks they're losing that love. He said it's also kind of like that's just how it works. He said he has just tried to feel lucky for things he has done in his life. He said he's at a point where he's able to redefine what it means to be successful. Harry said he knows the people around him isn't dependant on the work he does. He said it's a freeing thing to feel. He said he feels pretty good.
Howard said it sounds like he went through some therapy. He said he interviewed him 2 years ago right before the pandemic. He said he didn't think he needed therapy back then. He said it sounds like he may have changed his mind. Harry said he was doing therapy back then and he did it sporadically. He said he would do it if he was feeling bad. He said his therapist was in L.A. and he lives in London. He said in the last year he switched it to be regular. Howard said he might lose his mind if he didn't have someone to talk to. He said he must have a lot going on in his life. Harry said he feels like therapy changed his life. He said it's a subtle thing and it's not a magic pill kind of thing. He said you have to do some work with it. He said he started thinking about blocking off time to exercise and he has to do that to feel good. He said he started doing that for his mind as well as his body. He said he's taking it more seriously now. He said he would strongly recommend therapy.
Howard said Harry was talking about his success in the music industry and it just feels like a relief instead of feeling like it's something great. Howard said that's how he feels about his radio career. He said he would say he didn't feel great because he had to keep getting ratings and pull it off every ratings period. He said that's why he thinks that Harry has to go to therapy. He said it's the same kind of thing. He said you need someone to talk to about that kind of pressure. He said of course he wants to sell tickets and all of that. He said it's a horror in a way. He said it's a burden. Harry said he thinks you can approach it in one of two ways. He said that he's trying to do it all the time and approach it positively. He said any one who has done executive work and made great decisions has just done it with luck. He said he doesn't think anyone really knows how it works. He said with music there are so many stories about people who don't like a song and record it and it becomes a big hit. He said it shows that songs either connect with people or they don't. He said you can't control it. He said the biggest thing that happened to him was after his last album came out and the pandemic happened his song ''Watermelon Sugar'' was hitting and he wasn't able to go on radio shows to talk about it. He said it just did its own thing. He said that can be scary but it worked. He said he found it to be incredibly freeing. He said there's nothing he can do to make sure a song is big. He said there's no guarantee. He said it really is about music and it's not about him saying the right or wrong thing in an interview.
Howard said what he really learned is that the song took off without doing any of the interviews. He said he should do those things but at the end of the day people are going to like it or not.
Harry said there are a lot of things that are out of his control. He said they just made the song and it did its own thing. He said it's really relaxing and people just liked the song. Howard played some of the song.
Howard said he wrote that song in one day and it took a year to finish it. Howard asked what it is that takes so long to finish a song. Harry said he thinks there was a note on the song from someone he played it for and he trusts their opinion. He said that the went in and started to dissect the song too much. He said they tried to adjust a few times a section of the song and it just came back to what it was originally. He said the song was very much done. He said the original demo is basically the same without the horns and stuff. He said he wrote it with his partner Rich and the wrote it in Nashville. Howard asked if you can over think a song too much. He said the song was actually done. Harry said you can over think it. He said you want to focus on what you want it to be as a song. He said with the mixing process you can tinker forever. He said it's like getting a bubble out of a water bed.
Howard asked how you know a song is done and you have to leave it alone. Harry said when you get down to the small details and stuff and if you're listening to a mix and you want to check the levels on things then you have to take big ear breaks. He said if he can come back and listen to it and nothing jumps out at him and he can just sit back and enjoy it then it's done.
Howard asked about the song ''Medicine'' that he does in concert but he never put it out on an album. Howard asked why he never put it out on an album. Harry said he wrote it for his first album and he just felt like he had other songs that sounded similar and when they were going through the songs they just kind of didn't put it on. He said he's not sure why but it didn't make it to the finish line. He said they do enjoy playing the song though. He said it's fun to play.
Howard said it could still be a hit. Harry said sonically it's not where he's at now. He said that he's not sure it would make another album if he tried. He said some songs feel older to him now so he doesn't want to go backwards. He said maybe it'll make it on an album some day though.
Howard said that song seems important to people who want to come out of the closet or are having trouble being accepted with their sexuality. He asked if that's fair to say. Harry said there is part of that in there. Howard said there are kids that com to the concerts and the want to come out of the closet. He said the get the confidence to say fuck it and live their life the way they want. He said that's a great power to have. He said there's nothing sadder than someone who can't live their live authentically. Harry said there is a space there where people can share their moments with a room full of people and with them in a way. He said it's one of those things he's most proud of. Harry said he thinks it's not so much about him. He said the atmosphere in he room is kind of a free and emotionally generous thing. He said it's one of the first two things that people comment on when they come to a show. He said it's like a family of strangers who feel this free evening and it's more the fans who have created that for them. Howard said he's the lightning rod for that though. He said he's the catalyst for that. Harry said he wouldn't say he's the catalyst but more the mirror. He said he feels free to be who he is and he thinks the fans and people in his life have created that for him. He said he can be whoever he wants.
Howard asked if he still gets attacked for the way he dresses. Harry said probably but not where he sees it. Howard said there's some weird shit going down in this country right now. He said he can see gay marriage going out the window and things like that. Harry said for a while he feels like in some places in culture there are people who are going in the right direction but the others are clawing at the ground they think they've lost and they had no right to it in the first place. He said he doesn't think that anyone should be able to make decisions about other people's bodies. He said there's a lot going on and he's not sure where it ends. He said if someone needs an operation do they decide on that as well. He said it's so backwards. He said we feel like we're making the right steps and there are so many people who are taking it backwards and it's scary. He said there should be backlash over those things.
Howard said his live shows make it seem like they're really having a good time and celebrating with the fans. He said he seems to have a love for performing. Howard asked Harry about people throwing stuff on stage and if the Will Smith and Chris Rock thing freaked him out. He said they have to look at security after that. Harry said he thinks it was shocking and he thinks it's a hard one because he doesn't want to add another voice into a thing. He said it was weird. He said to watch it was very uncomfortable. He said he doesn't think it was very cool. He said there are people who think they can take parts of you that don't belong to them. He said that's part of it sometimes but it's not a good part or a correct part.
Howard said he found it interesting when Harry said when he's on stage live he channels comedians. He said that he thinks about how free they are on stage when they're performing. Howard said he was thinking about that when he brought up the Chris Rock thing. Harry said he kind of referenced Jim Carrey in that and he said that he does it so well as soon as he comes out on stage. He said he puts the audience at ease when he comes out the way he does. He said he puts the audience at ease by doing that himself. Howard said that's very interesting. Harry said he's just having so much fun on stage and that energy continues in the room and it affects the audience. He said he tries to apply that to the performance and you look at people he grew up loving and they did shows they way they did them and you can come and enjoy it with them. He said you want people to like your music but there's a part of you that has to not care of the like it or not.
Howard said he has to ask a bunch of questions. He played some of his song ''Sign of the Times'' and asked about the process about how he wrote it. He said he sang into his phone for 7 minutes. Harry said he thinks he was mumbling a lot into the phone. He said it was a lot of chords he was playing and hen he was kind of singing the mumbles and he started singing the lyrics and it went from there.
Howard said it's amazing that he doesn't even know where it came from. Harry said they were all having lunch and they would eat on the roof of the studio in Jamaica where they did the album. He said he would start playing a lot more down there. He said he was trying to learn more. He said he was just playing as much as he could.
Howard said some bands go in prepared with everything they want to perform but Harry likes to tinker more. Harry said he doesn't have one way of writing a song. He said he likes the excitement of writing a song and not knowing where it's coming from. He compared it to surfing and the right waves coming at the right time.
Howard asked if he writes every day. Harry said not every day. He said he doesn't force himself to be creative. He said he doesn't torture himself over it. He said he sometimes thinks he won't do it for a while and then he just gets back into it. He said he's all over the place with it. Howard said that surf explanation is a good one. He said he's never heard it explained like that.
Howard said he was watching American Idol the other night and there's a girl on there who was a young kid with a good look and she could sing. He said she dropped out halfway through. He said he knows what happened. He said a record company told her not to sign a contract there and come to them. Howard said when Harry signed with Electra it was a horrible contract. Harry said he was 16 and in school so he had no experience being a musician. He said there was no way he was going to have someone look over that contract. He said he just signed up.
Howard asked Harry if he ever asked to renegotiate the contract. He said he must have left a lot of money behind with One Direction. Harry said it was an experience that was the most pivotal thing that happened in his life. He said he's grateful for the time. He said you can look back and think that things were unfair but he thinks that he learned so much. He said he can't complain. He said he's very lucky and he had a great time. He said he can't look back and think he was wronged.
Howard said they were kind of stupid and if they had treated him right from the start then he may have stayed with the record company. Harry said he still is actually. He said he's still with Columbia. Howard said Simon Cowell isn't with him now though. Harry said he's not. Howard said that's what he's saying.
Howard said he thinks that Simon saw him and thought that it fit his way of doing things and he told him that he should be in a boy band instead of doing a solo thing. Harry said it could be that. He said maybe he wasn't a good solo artist at the time. He said he had no experience then. He said he learned so much from being in the band. He said he got to learn it with a group of people so he didn't have to go through it by himself. He said that is something he looks back on fondly. He said he doesn't feel he was wronged in any way.
Howard asked Harry about his band White Eskimo. He played one of the songs they did early on. Howard said you have to start somewhere. Harry said there were maybe 30 people there when they recorded that.
Howard asked what the point is in his life where things are going great and he realizes that he doesn't need these guys anymore and he can leave One Direction. Harry said they were writing the music more and more as the band went on. He said he wanted to go out and write with more people. He said he wanted to learn and be with different people. He said he would go and write with a load of different people and see how it worked. Howard asked who he went to. Harry said one of the first songs he wrote with was Kid Harpoon. He said he was doing a lot of Florence and the Machine stuff. He said he was a friend of a friend. He said they wrote together and then didn't see each other for 3 years. He said then the got back together and started writing.
Howard asked if he had songs that he would keep for himself instead of giving them to the band. Harry said he doesn't think that happened. He said he would write with the people for the band and as the years went on and he got to know other people he started to write more personal songs. He said when you write songs like that you don't want them sung by 5 people. He said he thinks if you have a lot of songs on your laptop you might wonder how your own music would sound. He said then he got to a point when he was about 19 or 20 years old and he realized he hadn't made any decisions for himself and he felt like he wanted to grow up. He said at some point he wanted to make decisions about what was going to happen in his life. He said that he had to do that by himself instead if with the band. Harry said he felt like he wanted to make some decisions as an adult for himself. He said at 20 it was the right time. He said it was more about that than anything.
Howard asked if the guys in the band got jealous of him because he was singled out for being really good looking and things like that. He said they were thrown together by this show so there must be jealousy there. He said he can see it being a pain in the neck. Harry said it's less jealousy than politics. He said that it was fun in the beginning but then it turns into work. He said they had to make decisions as a band and you may not have a lot in common with everyone. He said they have different opinions on who should do what in the band. He said it was more about the natural politics than jealousy.
Howard asked if the band still talks. Harry said they do. He said the did it together as a band so they have respect for each other. He said he's proud of everything they achieved.
Howard said Harry is there because he has this new album coming out on Friday. Howard said he got the album and they threatened him not to play it on air. He said that this is his third album since he went solo. He said his Love On Tour dates are available on his web site HStyles.co.uk
Howard said he wants to play some of the tracks from the album. He said he told a 14 year old girl this morning to listen to this song he wrote about asshole kids. He said he thinks the song ''Boyfriends'' is telling women that if guys are being assholes to them then stop going back to them. Harry said he thinks the sentiment is there but it's with less judgment than Howard made it out to be.
Howard asked Harry if it's true that he went up for the role of Elvis Presley. Harry said he did audition. Howard said they must be assholes not to hire him. He said just from a business standpoint they should have hired him. He said he could make a fortune with him as Elvis. Harry said he thinks Elvis was the first person he knew outside his family. He said it felt kind of sacred to him. He said he was intrigued with the guy. He said he feels like if a director feels like he's not the best person for the role then it's better for them and better for him. He said if they think the movie will be better with someone else then that's fine. He said he spoke to the director about it and he doesn't really look like Elvis. He said he thinks it was the right move.
Howard asked if he was insulted that he had to audition. Harry said no. Howard said he would have asked him what kind of name Baz is first of all. Harry jokingly said he did that and maybe that's why he didn't get the job. He said he did a couple of scenes and did a Vegas kind of performance he did so he did that too.
Howard asked Harry about this song ''Cinema'' on the new album. He said he knows who this is about. Howard played some of the song and said this is a love song and he put together the pieces and figured that it's about his current girlfriend. He said that it's real love and he can tell from this song. He said it's risky to write a song about a woman you're with. He asked if he played it for her and how do you do that. Harry said the songs just start out as his and then they become less so and he thinks it's important to write about what you're going through at the time. Howard said this is a real love song. He recited some of the lyrics to him.
Howard said movie sets are dangerous. He said when you're making a movie it's easy to fall in love. He said he had love scenes with this woman. Howard said he was aroused through 90 percent of his movie shoot. He said that Harry fell in love on the set. Harry said he thinks that he had a wonderful experience being directed by Olivia and acting is difficult at times. He said you have to trust and give it everything. He said being able to trust your director is a gift. He said that was helpful and it led to a nice experience on that movie.
Howard said he only made one movie but he agrees. He said you have to have a trust with the director or you can end up looking bad. He said he makes a good point. Harry said he looks at acting differently than a lot of people. He said he sees it as not making the movie but you're a small ingredient for a bigger thing. He said the actor shows up and does a small part. He said it's a lot of fun but it can be embarrassing to play pretend. He said it's fun to explore and do that.
Howard said he's not really a guy who wants to be a movie star. He said his main focus is music. Harry said he enjoyed acting as a kid and he still enjoys it. He said it's exciting but there's a lot of waiting around. He said the acting thing is fun but you have to do a lot of waiting and that is great and not the worst thing in the world but it's not that creative. He said in music there's a lot more creativity.
Howard asked when the movie is coming out. Harry said he has two coming out. He said ''Don't Worry Darling'' is coming out on September 23rd. He said the other one is coming out in October or November.
Howard asked if doing love scenes is embarrassing. Harry said not really. He said if you speak about it properly and you try to forget that the cameras are there then it's not so bad. He said they can stop doing it if you don't feel good about it. He said that's the most important thing. He said it does feel vulnerable. He said he had never kissed someone on camera before. He said it feels like you're giving something of yourself away.
Howard asked if he had to walk out naked on set. Harry said not in ''Don't Worry Darling'' but in ''My Policeman'' he was. He said nothing shows in the final cut. He said there is bum bum though. He said in breaks he was doing squats and stuff. Howard said if he looked like him he'd be doing love scenes all the time.
Howard said he would never do that with his penis. He asked if you walk on set in a robe. Harry said yes to the robe. He said he has tattoos everywhere so he gets it all painted out. Howard asked how long it takes to get it all painted out. Harry said it was about 2 hours.
Howard asked if he's done with the tattoos when he has to get painted so long. Harry said he goes through long stretches without getting any. He said that then he'll get a couple here and there. Howard asked if he would ever get any on his face. Harry said he doesn't think so. Harry said he feels like he has a boring ass body when he's all painted over.
Howard said they have to do a little music here. He said he wants to talk about the band. Howard said they're getting good reviews and the have a lot of romantic stuff on this new album Harry's House. Howard said he realized he named it after Joni Mitchell's album Harry's House. Harry said there was an album out in 1973 from Yellow Magic Orchestra and it was something he liked. He said it kind of evolved into what it is now.
Howard asked how important it is to name an album the right way. Harry said it can give you something to aim at and you get a general mood. He said this album was something he had a title before starting the song writing with. He said he kind of stuck with it.
Howard said his album isn't about his house but what's in Harry's head. Harry said it's about his mental space and the space around him. He said it's almost about a day in his mind. He said there are a lot of different things there. He said he thinks the album sounds the most like him out of all of the albums he's done.
Howard said this first song is called ''Daylight'' and they've never performed it anywhere. He said the band is so great. He said he met the band last time they were there. He asked if the two people who were messing around are sill together. He asked if that's Sarah. She said that's her. She said she was with Mitch. Howard asked if they took his advice and broke up. Sarah said she took it to another level. SHE said they had a lock down baby. Howard said he's sure Harry wasn't happy about that. Harry said he's absolutely distraught. Howard said Mitch plays guitar and Sarah is on drums. Howard asked if they're married. Sarah said they are. Howard asked if they had to get permission from Harry first. Harry said watching this romance flourish has been one of the most pleasurable things he's seen in his life. He said their relationship is very inspiring.
Howard asked if the baby will be on tour. Mitch said he's coming. Howard said it's not Harry's baby, right? Mitch said they took a test.
Howard asked what kind of gift he gives them for their wedding. Harry said now he has to do something.
Howard introduced the band with Sarah on drums. He spent a minute talking to Harry about her. Howard asked Sarah about how she learned. Sarah said she just figured it out. Howard said they have Pauly Lovejoy on percussion. He said hi to him. He said hi to the rest of the band.
Howard asked Harry about this song ''Daylight'' and what it's about. Harry explained the song and how they ended up writing it by doing an all nighter. He said it was a nice moment.
Howard said he spent last night listening to the album. He said it seems like it's about some woman in his life who didn't pay attention to him and he couldn't help himself. He read a lyric from one of he songs and asked if it was about one woman. Harry said it was. Howard said she wasn't responding to him in the way he wanted. Harry said the song is about infatuation. Howard said he knows about that. He said he can relate. Howard said Taylor Swift has a song named Daylight. He said they did have a fling so maybe that's the girl in the thing. Harry said he's reading too much into it. He said he's not spot on with that one.
Howard had the band perform the song ''Daylight.'' Howard said he's playing guitar on this one. Harry said he is playing a Gibson. After the song Howard asked the band about some of the sounds they had in the song and how they made them on the keyboard. Howard said he loves to break these songs down. He had the keyboard player demonstrate. Howard asked where they came up with one of the sounds. Harry said it was his producer.
Howard asked how long you have to practice that. Harry said not very long at all. Howard said the musicians have to be able to sing too. Harry said it is a nice addition to have the harmonies.
Howard said he has to hear this next song ''Boyfriends.'' Howard asked if some of it is directed at himself. Harry said he thinks that it might be multifaceted. He said there is some self awareness in the song. He said he is faulted and he grew up with a sister so he saw her dating people and sometimes people don't treat each other very well. He said we're not as gentle with people as we could be.
Howard asked if Harry tried to put himself in the place of a woman when he wrote the song. Harry said he did. He said he was imagining himself at 50 and having someone at the show coming to see him perform the song.
Howard said they're going to perform the song now. He asked what kind of guitar that is. Harry said it's a Martin but his friend painted it for him. Howard said it's very nice. He had them perform the song ''Boyfriends.''
After the song Howard said he smells money. He said that is a hit. He said it feels like a hit song to him. Harry said he's not sure. He said it feels like a special one. He said he's not sure if that makes it a hit or not. Howard said it's a beautiful song. He said he would imagine he can't wait to play that for a live audience. Harry said he thinks so. He said he played it at Coachella and that was the first time they played it and everyone got quiet. He said it was pretty special. He said he's excited to play it.
Howard said the blending of their voices reminds him of classic stuff from Crosby Stills Nash and Young. Harry said he likes doing that kind of stuff.
Howard asked how they arrange the vocals and how it all works. Harry said he thinks a lot of the time it's whoever feels best on whichever section of the song. He said they will sit down and talk about it. He said it's just about finding what's best. He said in studio he likes doing it himself. He said it's just his voice doing it in different ways. He said it's not him trying to get up so high when they do it live.
Howard said John Mayer played on two tracks on the album. He asked why he had John on. Harry said that he was working nearby and he had him come listen to he song and he was looking for something and John grabbed one of Mitch's guitars and stared playing on it. Howard asked if you can tell someone that you don't like something they play. Harry said sure. He said that John understands the way it works. He said if he felt the person would act weird about it he wouldn't ask them in the first place.
Howard played some of the song ''Cinema'' and then some ''Day Dreaming'' which John played on as well.
Harry said that's the first time he's heard it played out loud to the public so that's weird. He said it feels like it's being leaked or something.
Howard played ''As It Was'' from the album which was the first release. The song is like number 1 in the world right now. Howard said it's great to be accepted by people like that. Harry said this was the last song written for the album and he had never made a song like it before. He said it just felt right. He said it's flattering that people have responded to it. Howard said it's a beautiful song. He said that's his god daughter at the start of the song. Howard asked what that even means. Harry said he thinks it just means that you have to be nice to them. He said he thought it was spiritual upbringing but he thinks it's just being nice.
Howard thanked Harry for coming in today. He gave him some plugs for the album and said they're in the city for some concerts. Harry said they're doing an album release show on Friday. He said he'll be back in August and September for the other shows. He said the album will have been out for 20 hours or something. He said they can tell what people like by then so it'll be exciting.
Howard said he heard about this movie ''After'' on Netflix and someone told him that he had some fan who loved him so much that she wrote a fantasy love sorry about him and that turned out to be the book ''After'' and he was thinking about how that was about him. Harry said he's not sure about that. He said he's not sure he can confirm that. He said he's not fully educated on that story. He said he has heard that but he's not really sure.
Howard said he's not sure how he's going to keep his head on his shoulders with all of this going on. He said everyone says that he's such a great guy and his band and tech crew are great but they have to break at some point. Harry said that's some way to end it today. He said the impending doom is coming. He said he used to want to be liked so much that allowed negative things to affect him. He said people went through a lot during the pandemic and he tried to balance his life a bit more. He said he set boundaries around himself and he loves what he gets to do as a job. He said he loves working. He said he doesn't talk about his personal life much and he's happy people allow him to do that around him. He said he feels good about what he's doing and the music he's putting out.
Howard said what he should do is call him privately and let him know what's going on in his life. He said he's doing a great job of staying level headed. He said that's what his staff is telling him. He said he's able to maintain a normal life so that's incredible. Harry said a friend told him that no matter what people say about you isn't right. He said even if they say you're incredible it's not true. He said if you're horrible it's not true. He said that helped him out a lot. He said there are a lot of things he wants to do in his life.
Howard asked if he's watching this Johnny Depp trial at all. Harry said he's not. Howard said Johnny wanted it on TV. He said that's crazy. Harry said that is a thing that people are interested in but it's also kind of the problem. He said he's not sure why it needs to be. Howard said he's glued to it. He said there's something wrong with him. He said he's right there. He said he's not as evolved as Harry is.
Howard said he has time to evolve. Robin asked if he really does. Howard said he has very little time to do it. Howard said this was a lot of fun today. He gave him some more plugs for his album and his upcoming tour.
Howard said they're all in love with Harry there. He said Gary said he was in love. He said Harry could get him. He said the band is very talented too. He said he wished they weren't having sex with each other so much though but what can he do about that. Howard let Harry and the guys go after that.
Howard said that was nice. He said Gary was talking about how nice Harry is. He said he was very taken. He did his impression of Gary talking about that. Fred did his Gary Puppet voice talking about how nice Harry was too.
Howard asked Fred what he thought about Harry's guitar playing. Fred said he plays a hollow body and that's even harder to play. He said that guitar was very nice. He said it's an ES 350T. He said they sound really nice. He said he doesn't have one himself. He said he has Les Pauls and STs himself.
Howard said this weekend they have Pat Monahan hosting Saturday Soundtracks. He said next week he and Robin will be hosting a special on Howard 101. He said they're hosting Howard Stern A to Z where they find show highlights and play them. Howard said coming soon they have Michael Che coming in. He said he's looking forward to talking to him.
Howard said JD should end this show with an inspirational quote. Howard asked JD if he has something to say to leave the audience feeling better about their lives. JD said that he would just say try not to think about the negatives so much and focus on the positives. He said if there's nice weather go out and take a nice walk. Howard said COVID is running rampant though. JD said if you're outside then go out and look up. Howard said that can't be all he has to suggest. He said he should go out for a walk once in a while. He said he looks like he hasn't gone for a walk in a long time.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 11:10am.