Howard did his impression of a guy who liked getting his balls pounded by women. He said that's his second favorite drop.
Howard said Maren Morris was coming in today but she wasn't feeling well so she'll stop by tomorrow instead. He said she'll be right there on the morning zoo. He got back to the ball smash guy and did that impression of him going ''UhhhHuuuuUhhha.''
Howard said he wanted to vent about this Oscars thing. He said he didn't know that this moment was coming. He said he'll give his thoughts on this. He said that he's not sure where to begin on it. Robin asked where this all started. Howard said Chris Rock has made jokes about Will Smith before. He said he has some notes on this so he asked JD to come on. JD said in 2016 they had Jada Pinkett Smith boycotting the Oscars. He said Chris made a joke about her back then. He told the joke and Robin goofed on him for not being able to deliver a joke very well. Howard said he should paraphrase that. He did that and then asked what happened. JD said back then Jada said that wasn't fair that Will wasn't nominated for a movie and there was a joke there. He told that joke and the guys goofed on JD again for his delivery.
Howard said first of all the Oscars are done. He said no one is seeing these movies. He said the only one he saw was ''Don't look Up.'' He said it was so boring and convoluted it could have been 10 minutes long. He said it was filler and horrible that it was even nominated. Robin said that the have a fan favorite movie now and it was ''Army of the Dead'' so it has nothing to do with anything. Howard said the Oscars will end up on TBS if the don't find some formula to make it interesting. He said they're going to end up having the WWE come to it.
Howard said Chris Rock got up and compared Jada Pinkett Smith to one of the most beautiful women in the world. He said it was Demi Moore. Robin said Jada is one of the most beautiful women in the world. She said that she really is gorgeous. Howard said she is. He said he had her on the show and she's stunning. He said he was not aware that she has Propecia or whatever. Robin said it's Alopecia. Howard said Chris is a comedian and he got up and made a joke about her. He said you know that they're gentle jokes. He said he said that she had a great G.I. Jane look. He said that even Will was laughing at it when it happened. Then you see Jada wasn't laughing so Will looks at her and changes his tune. He when walks up to Chris in the middle of the show and slaps him. He said if Jason Mamoa had made that joke he would have thanked him. He said Will has gotten really big but he wouldn't stand up to Jason.
Howard said Will walks up to Chris Rock and open hands him in the face. He said he asked if this was a bit. He said he wondered where Security was. He said not one person came out to do anything. He said because he's Will Smith he gets away with shit. He said he's like Trump. He said Will Smith thinks he can get away with this. He said you have to calm your ass down. Howard said Chris calmed down and joked about it and then he got flustered and couldn't even get out the rest of his lines. He said he was really thrown off by it.
Howard said he has to say that what happened after is really disturbing. He said Will has an emotional problem. He said they had to cut away from his speech because he was spitting all over the microphone. He said he obviously has emotional problems. He said that JD was telling him about why they had to cut away. He said the guy sits back down and no one comes over to him from security. He said if someone else had smacked Chris in the face then someone would have done something about it. He said no one was doing anything to Will Smith. He said Hollywood is outraged by little things but no one stood up to say anything to Will Smith. He said he got to sit there the rest of the show. He said he was laughing it up with his wife. He said he just assaulted Chris Rock.
Howard said it was the 94th Academy Awards and everyone else was able to contain themselves. He said it was hardly an insulting joke. He said it wasn't really a good joke. He said it was beneath Chris Rock. He said he compared her to Demi Moore. He said he wasn't insulting her.
Howard said Will has real problems. He said he wasn't just making Chris over the joke. He said he thinks he has real issues. He said he had a long walk up to the stage to smack Chris Rock. He said the thing is that they didn't have security there. He said they should have had someone come out and take him out of there. He said the guy was assaulted on live television. Robin said Chris had no idea he was in danger while he was walking up there. He said he didn't know he was going to be smacked in the face.
Howard said he read that Chris won't press charges. He said he shouldn't have to. He said everyone saw it happen on TV. He said that if you've ever been smacked like that you know his jaw has to be fucked up. He said he hit him hard. He said his whole head went back. Robin said the pain lasts a long time. She said your face is full of nerve endings. Howard said you don't hit people over speech. He said poor Chris was trying to get through the day to make people laugh at that horrible ceremony. He said the only person who was good was Amy Schumer. He said she came out on her own and it was good. He said she was great on her own.
Howard said Will was out there laughing and partying after that show. He said they gave the guy an Oscar. He said he was still out partying after slapping someone on TV. He said he's going to try calling some comedians to find out what they think about this. He said he'll try to get Chris on the phone to find out what he thought. He said he told Gary to get in touch with some people like Rosie O'Donnell. He said most people agree with what he was saying. He said if someone in a basketball game got up and smacked a player then they're going to do something. He said one time they had Calvin Klein walk on the court and they made a rule about it after that. He said they will throw you right out of there if you walk out there now. He said if you see someone crossing the line you grab them.
Robin said some people can be getting up to go to the rest room. Robin said he didn't charge the stage. Howard said if someone walks up there then you have to stop them. Howard had the uncensored version of the moment on TV. He said they bleeped it out on TV but they have the uncensored version. Howard played the clip and Chris was laughing when he saw Will walking up there. Then Will smacked him. He said Will just smacked the shit out of him. Will told him to leave his wife's name out of his fucking mouth.
Howard said it shows you that Chris has a brilliant mind and he joked about it being a great night in television. Robin said the person not losing his cool was Chris. Howard asked if Liza Minelli was in charge of security.
Howard said in Japan they had an interpreter and you can tell she was having an issue with what to say. Howard played a clip and the woman didn't know what to say.
Howard asked Jon Hein what he has. Jon had some responses from comedians on Twitter. He said Rosie commented on it. Howard said he was going to text her about it. He said he was about to send her a text but then deleted it. He said he got a grip on himself. He said the only tweet that supported Will was from Ike Turner who told him he handled it great.
Howard took a call from Nikki Glaser and asked her what she thinks about this and where security was during this. Nikki said that she was shocked by it and everyone was a little hesitant and by the end of the whole thing they were all cheering. She said anyone who heckles during a show gets kicked out normally. She said let alone assaulting someone. She said it's wild. She said that it shows that open relationships are healthy. Howard said Nikki tweeted live that Hollywood is protecting and celebrating awful behavior. He said he liked that. He said it's so true.
Howard said this joke wasn't insulting. He said she looks good and Chris was comparing her to someone who is very good looking. Nikki said he didn't have to go up and slap him. He said the fact that he laughed at first was very odd. She said it didn't even come from a place where he was offended by it. He said it came from someone else. She said that's not the right response. She said it didn't seem like it matched. She said that someone needs to call this out. She said she's not sure what's going on here.
Howard said he understands that his wife wasn't happy and he had to prove to her that he had to get up and defend her. He said that he didn't have to get up and smack the guy. He said it's really depressing.
Robin said this guy has been lobbying to win an Academy award and then he does this the night he wins.
Nikki said he ruined his own moment. She said that there has to be something going on with him and he's not well. She said she figured she'd hear today that he went off to some rehab or something. Howard said he's not sure what he has but he is a troubled dude.
Howard said he likes that the FCC went after CBS for the Janet Jackson nipple thing but we can see someone assault someone on TV without and repercussions.
Howard read some more tweets from people who said this is not something that we should see on TV. Robin said it's very strange that they gave him a standing ovation when he won his award.
Nikki said she erased a tweet about it because so many people were out there doing it. She said that people were asking how Harvey Weinstein got away with what he did and this shows how it happens. Howard said she's right. He said that Will Smith's son even said ''and that's how we do it.'' Howard said if Jason Mamoa had done it then Will would have stayed in his seat and not done anything about it.
Howard thanked Nikki for calling in and making some good points. He let her go after that.
Robin said the strangest thing was that no one came up to do anything. She said no one moved. Howard said he could have gotten up again and done it again. Robin said even in the moment no one moved toward Chris to protect him. She said it was crazy.
Howard said he has Liza Minelli on the line to comment. Howard asked why no one did anything last night. She had issues with her microphone. Howard gave up on that and moved on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they have rules in sports about this kind of thing and they don't let people get away with it. Howard said this is Hollywood and this is how guys like Harvey Weinstein got away with the things he did. He said that's why Trump gets away with saying that you grab women by the pussy. He said no one had a spine to drag the guy out of there. The caller said he can see it getting past security but not letting him get away with it the rest of the night. Howard asked what's going on out there. He said 10 minutes later they were applauding the guy.
Howard said he has Liza on now. She still wasn't speaking so Howard said he gives up.
Howard had Jon Hein read more tweets from comedians. He had some comments from Conan O'Brien and Judd Apatow. Howard said the guy was out of control. Robin asked if he would have gone up after Amy Schumer if she had made a joke he didn't like. Howard said Liza is just sitting there staring at him. He said he thinks she's in awe of him.
Howard asked Jon about other comments. He had some from David Spade and Trevor Noah. Howard said Liza is just sitting there and he has to put a mirror under her nose. He said it's fogging up so she's alive.
Jon had more tweets from Jimmy Kimmel and Molly Kimmel. Howard said it really did overshadow the whole show. He said that he was going to talk about how good Amy Schumer was but then this happened. He said it was crazy stuff.
Howard had King of All Blacks on the phone to comment. King said he was just trying to prove himself to his wife. He said that now he wants to slap Chris. He said the reason security didn't do anything is because they had an all black production company. He said that's why they let him sit there like that. He said that it was Will Packer and his team. He said that's why they let him sit there. Robin said that's the stupidest thing she's ever heard. King said that if the had a white production company then Will wouldn't have walked up there. Howard said maybe he's right. He said he has no idea. He thanked King for the call.
Howard said he's going to give Liza one more try. Robin said she's so lively now. Howard said she's okay now. He thanked her for coming on. He said he was shocked she was on the Oscars. She said she thought she was at Studio 54. Howard spent a little time talking to fake Liza about the Oscars and what was going on there. He asked if she saw anything back stage. She thought they were going to get up and dance together on stage.
Howard thanked Liza for coming on. He let her go a short time later. He said he liked what she was wearing. He said she had shorts and leggings on like she was ready to dance.
Howard said JD was keeping track of all of the hottest women there. He had him come back to talk about that. JD said the hottest was Lily James. He said she didn't have big ones but she was hot. JD said Vanessa Hudgens was hot too. Howard said he didn't know who she was but they were out. JD said Tracy Ellis Ross looked like hers were going to plop out. Howard said even Amy had hers out. He said the only one without them out was Liza. He went to her again about that.
JD said that someone who didn't have her tits out was Marlee Matlin but she looked good. JD said Megan the Stallion looked good too. He said she did the musical thing.
Howard said he liked Kristen Stewart. JD said he's not into her so that's all him. Howard said her body is gorgeous. He said she had short shorts and high heels. He said it was bordering on inappropriate.
Howard asked Chris who he liked at the Oscars. Chris said Timothee Chalamet was good. Howard asked who the hottest guy there was. Chris said he thought Elliot Page looked very good. Howard asked as a man. Chris said yes. He said Sean Mendez was very good looking too. He said he figured he could turn him if he had time. Howard said Chris is so gay he could marry Liza Minelli.
JD said Chris is into Rami Malek too. Chris said he really is. He said he has that buggy look that he's into.
Howard said he meant to ask Chris how he's doing after he broke up with his boyfriend. Chris said he was up in Canada for a while so he wasn't seeing anyone. He said he has been upset since the breakup. He said he was jerking it to some guy on Snapchat. He said that he met this guy and they'd go on and jerk off for each other. He said the guy had a huge penis. He said he had a weird breathy voice that he was into. He did an impression of the voice for Howard.
Howard said he doesn't know what this Snapchat thing is. He asked Chris if he met him on there. He said he met him on Bumble. He said you get to the Snapchat thing eventually. Howard asked how they get into that. Chris said it was like in under 20 minutes. Howard asked if he feels like he could blackmail him. Chris said he did think about that. He said that he figured the job he has he wouldn't do that. He said he was a guy with a huge cock so that all went out the window with him.
Howard asked Chris how they set up the camera and all of that. Chris said you just hold your phone on your cock.
Howard asked if you just get off the phone when the guy cums. Chris said yes. He said you both go away after that. Robin asked if he can hear him or does he have to type. Chris said he would type. He said the guy would do little videos and they send them back and forth.
Howard said he sees that he fingered his own ass during a video. Chris said he was instructed to do that. He said he did that for the guy. He did his impression of what that sounds like by doing the impression of the other guy.
Chris said that he has to really like the person to go out in public with COVID going on. He said sometimes it's just easier to jerk off.
Howard answered a knock at the door which was fake George Takei who said he's a huge fan of Liza Minelli's so he had to say hello. Fake George and Fake Liza went back and forth and sang together.
Howard asked George if he ever thought about marrying Liza. George said that's something he would do. He asked her to marry him right then. Liza asked if he can push a wheelchair.
Howard let the two of them go and said he has to move on. He said there's nothing else to say about this.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she agrees with a lot of what Robin and Howard said this morning. She said that if Jada was going through Chemo would that change anything. Howard said he was just making a joke and trying to do some stuff for the Oscars. Robin said he didn't get to think about it for days. She said it was something he came up with that night. Howard said if Will had just said something and not gotten up to smack him then maybe it would be okay. Robin said that line ''Keep my wife out of your mouth'' is what people say now. She said she's not sure where that came from.
Howard said Will Smith's acceptance speech was even out of control. He apologized to the Academy. Howard played some audio of the speech. Will compared himself to the Williams sister's father and how he was a fierce defender of his family. He was talking about loving people and protecting people. He said he has to be a river to his people. Howard said all of a sudden he's a river to his people. He said he knows to do what they do the have to be able to take abuse and have people talk crazy about you in this business. Howard said calm down because 300 people just had their houses bombed in Ukraine while you're talking about this. He said Will is a victim now.
Howard said shame on anyone who gave him a standing ovation after that behavior. He said he didn't apologize to Chris but he did apologize to the Academy. He played more of that audio.
Howard said good thing he wasn't portraying OJ. He said that whole thing was outrageous. He said this guy needs a conservatorship like Britney Spears.
Howard said he contacted Joan Rivers from heaven and he bets she has a lot to say about this. Howard said she died in 2014 at the age of 81. Howard got Joan on and let her comment on this whole thing. Joan told Howard how crazy things are these days. She said that Will smacked Chris Rock so hard that he almost ended up in the death reel. She asked where he was when Billy Crystal was hosting the Oscars. Howard said Billy was great as a host.
Fake Joan said her sex life is horrible up there. She said no one wants her because she's so old. She said she's so old that she got her tramp stamp at Auschwitz. She said when she did 69 for the first time it was in Roman numerals. She had a bunch of jokes like that for Howard. She said that she's not only old but ugly too. She said she tried to take a selfie and her Siri hung herself.
Howard said she's still working hard and she's terrific. He said that he misses her every day. He said she will always be a natural beauty to him. Joan said she had her face done so much that it's harder than Woody Allen at an Asian day care.
Howard asked Joan about the Academy Awards and what she thought about three women hosting. Joan had some thoughts on that. Howard asked her about some of the movies that won Oscars. Joan had jokes about all of the movies that Howard asked her about.
Joan said she has to go. She told him to enjoy the next variant. Howard let her go and said that was something else.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said some people said it was okay for him to rush the stage and if that's okay then maybe it's okay to rush the stage when comedians are doing stand up. Howard said this was an entitled guy who should have apologized to Chris Rock. He said that everyone who applauded Will can go fuck themselves.
Howard said he has to take a break and then come back and talk about the passing of Taylor Hawkins and how it's affected him. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and sang along with the Cheap Trick song. He said it was weird that they weren't so popular there in the States but they were over in Japan. He said it was insane. He said if he had a rock band he'd cover this song. He said they'd have like 50 of their own hits and then they'd cover this. He said he'd be the lead singer and the guitar player. Robin said he'd have both duties. Howard said doodies he's good at.
Howard said he used to play this on radio when he first got into it. He said he figured his audience was digging it. He said he was turning them on with his musical choices. He said that he must have been stupid back then. He said he was playing music and that was supposed to turn into a career. He said he was shocked he was able to afford an apartment back then. He said now he looks around his house and figured it worked out for him. He said sometimes being crazy works out.
Howard said so many people want to keep talking about the Chris Rock and Will Smith thing. He said they spent an hour on it already. He said Will Smith needs help.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Will did the right thing. Howard said he's from Florida so that figures. The caller said he understands he came from a comedic background. He asked what someone would say about Beth that would make him want to smack someone around. Howard said there's plenty but it was a joke. He said he would imagine that Chris Rock doesn't know what she has Alopecia. He said he's sure he didn't know. He said he thought it was a style choice. Howard said at first Will was laughing and then he saw his wife wasn't happy about it so he went up and smacked Chris. He said to get up and hit the guy the way he did wasn't right. He said the guy was hitting someone smaller than him. Howard said he took the law into his own hands. Robin said Jada couldn't have been proud of that. She said that he made an idiot of himself. Howard said it was an assault live on TV. He said that he didn't have to hit him. He said he could have yelled and done a bunch of things other than hitting him. The caller said he thought an open handed slap wasn't that bad. He said he thinks that he was thinking about it and he saw his wife's look so he went up and did it. Robin said not every guy can go up and do that. The caller said he was wrong to do it but he can understand it. He said we've all been that mad about things. Robin said not everyone has. She said he needs help too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Chris Rock should press charges and he owes it to his community. He said that Will Smith should do jail time for what he did. He said forget the Academy. Howard said he doesn't owe it to black men. He said Will Smith should have been taken out of there and he shouldn't have been given an award and no one should have applauded him. Robin said if a white man had assaulted Chris then they would have known what to do.
Howard said in Florida Chris Rock could have shot Will Smith to death on the stand our ground law. He said don't discount what Will did as some kind of goof or something. He said you can't assault someone.
Howard said he doesn't want to keep going on with this all morning. He said the deal is that this action Will took was an assault on live TV. He said the more disturbing thing is that the jerk offs in the audience applauded him and gave him an award after that. He said what he witnessed on TV was that no one stood up for Chris Rock.
Howard said Taylor was in Bogota Columbia and he died on Friday. He said they found 10 different drugs in his system and that was shocking to him. He said he thought he was doing well. He said there's a great interview with Taylor where he said not everyone has to be like Keith Richards. He said it was more like being an athlete and you have to take care of yourself. Howard said he thought about how his parents outlived Taylor. He said that's how he looks at everything now. He said he thought about how crazy that is. Robin said she was thinking about that too and how some people outlive Taylor.
Howard said he thought Taylor was a good looking guy. Robin said she loved him. Howard said it's a shame that she didn't get to fuck him.
Howard said there's something about Taylor that he liked. He said he's a selfless kind of guy. He said there was a time when just Taylor and Dave came into the studio many years ago and they were like real bros. He said out of all the Foo Fighters they go together. He said that he can't imagine what Dave is going through right now. He said those two were very close from what he can tell. He said it seemed that way. He said you can tell Dave gets an energy from Taylor. He said they were both drummers and there was a kismet there.
Howard said there was a time when they came into the studio together and he asked Dave to sing acoustically. He said he thinks it's when he did 'My Hero'' in studio. He said Taylor was there next to Dave and he didn't have a look of jealousy on his face. He said he just loved Dave doing this thing. He said he sat there quietly and gave Dave the spotlight. He said he has seen the look of envy but Taylor didn't have it. He said he just sat back and took it all in. He said not everyone in show business can do that. Robin said that Taylor was just happy to be there.
Howard said he knew that Taylor had some issues with drugs early on. He said he overdosed in 2001. He said that he was so upset when he woke up and read about this. He said that he had it all. He said he was an excellent drummer and he had that long hair like a rock star.
Howard said he has some clips to play from when Taylor was on. He said they met him in 1998 and Robin was carrying on about how good looking he was. Howard played some audio from back then when they were in studio and Robin was talking about how good looking Taylor was.
Howard said he has an example of how much Dave and Taylor liked each other. He said they were very close. He played a clip of Dave and Taylor talking about how they met and they were instantly good friends.
Howard said Dave was the drummer in Nirvana and people asked Taylor if it was intimidating got play in the band. Howard had some audio of Taylor talking about how he is nervous when they're recording new songs. He said Dave is never a dick about it but it's intimidating.
Howard said Dave always believed in Taylor. He said they met when Taylor was playing for Alanis Morissette. He said in 1999 Dave said he would pay him if he ever fired Taylor. He said he would never throw him out of the band. Dave said he'll give Howard 10 grand if he ever throws him out of the band. Then it went up to 25 grand.
Howard said the friendship went both ways. Howard said just last week Taylor said he loved Dave. Howard played some audio from just last week when Taylor said he'd be managing a Guitar Center without Dave.
Howard said Taylor was a great drummer. He said in 2021 he played ''All My Life'' and he went nuts playing at the end of the song. Howard played some of that.
Howard said that's pretty good. He said all of that talent and that work he put in and now he's gone. He said you don't get that good without dedication. He said Taylor talked to him about his obsession and what he did to get that good. He played a clip of Taylor talking about how much time he put into it. He said once rock and roll was it for him here was nothing else... other than girls.
Howard said Taylor did a drum solo on tour that he's going to play now. Howard played that but didn't say when or where it was. Howard said there you go.
Robin said all she could think about was that he was playing the night before with a heart that was twice the size that it should be. Howard asked her what that means. Robin said it doesn't mean anything good. She said his heart was 600 grams which is almost twice the size of a normal heart. She said that it is a condition that can develop from abuse to your body. She said that your body has to work hard and it can be blown out of proportion and it can get less efficient. She said that he was still playing his heart out every night on stage.
Howard said Dave would sing a Queen song and Dave would play drums. Howard said this is from March 20th. He had audio of them performing the song ''Somebody to Love.''
Howard said he's gone. He said he hasn't stopped thinking about it. Howard said they do say that his heart was 600 grams. He said he doesn't understand that but yikes. He said it's just horrible. Robin said she couldn't even wrap her head around it. Howard said he couldn't either.
Howard said he had a bunch of Foo Fighters music there to play. Robin said she didn't know he had a drug problem previously. She said she didn't know he had overdosed once. She said she read about what he said after that and it gave him perspective and he had cleaned up. Howard said he had a wife and 2 kids. Robin said he had 3 kids. Howard said Beth told him it was 2. Howard said maybe he only liked 2.
Howard took a call from a guy who said when Taylor was on the show a few weeks go he talked about his side project he had. He said he got to see that band Chevy Metal and he was just great and he love the spotlight. He said Howard would have loved him doing the songs he did. He said he doesn't know how they're going to go on without him. He said he thinks that Dave is going to pack it up and do something else. He said he can't imagine them going on without Taylor. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said he kind of understood the John Bonham thing but he thinks Dave may go on. He said it's too early to think about it. He said he can't imagine them stopping. He said Dave did love that guy and he lost Kurt Cobain. He said it can't be easy on Dave. He said it's a nightmare situation.
Howard said he imagines that Dave will keep going with the Foo Fighters but he's not sure.
Howard said you look at Taylor and you have no idea that he had a heart thing going on. He said you just never know what's going on inside someone. Robin said sometimes you don't have those kind of exams until you're older so he may not have known.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a big fan of the guy and he never met them but he knows that Howard had a relationship. He asked if he sent a note to Dave or anything like that. Howard said he's bad with that kind of stuff. He said he doesn't want to be a nudge. He said whenever he has shit going on in his life he wants to be left alone so he thinks that everyone is like him. He said he's just a freak though. He said that he did get in touch with Dave a day later. He said he doesn't hang out with Dave but he feels a kinship with him. He said he did reach out and Dave did get back to him. He said he told him he didn't have to but he won't say what he said. He said he did let him know how sad he was for him and for Taylor's family and all of that. Robin said she thought about his family and how that's going. Howard said he can be a human being once in a while. He said he figured in the past that people would appreciate him not reaching out to them.
Robin said she dislikes the people who reach out to everyone. She said that if you feel an affinity to someone then reach out.
Howard read an excerpt from Will's book where he talks about seeing his father punch his mother when he was a young child. Rooster said a lot of those shows he did as the Fresh Prince were very much like his own life.
Howard read another quote from the book about Will and how he thinks he failed his mother and how he has apologized for that over the years. He said he detested his father's violence. Robin said he thinks he was defending Jada so that's how he saw that.
Rooster said he thinks he was protecting his own ego. He said he thinks it was all about Will and not about her at all. Howard said he thinks that he was relating to her as he related to his mother. Robin said she wasn't attacked though. Howard said he doesn't understand why they didn't rush that guy right the fuck to of there. He said he should have been taken right the fuck out.
Howard asked Rooster for his tips. Rooster said first of all you should stay with your own race in prison. He said you're either black or white in prison. He said if you're any thing other than white is considered black. He said that means you stay within your race.
Howard asked if you have a black father and a white mother. Rooster said you're black. He said that's the way it works in prison. He said they give you a blood test in prison so they know where you belong. Howard asked about Eminem. Rooster said he would have to be with the white people.
Howard asked what happens if the white guy don't even want you. Rooster said then you go to the open market and you'll be bid on and whatever group takes you is where you go. He said you'll be everybody's bitch. Howard said then he has to put out sexually. Rooster said not necessarily. He said that you may have to go and do other things for this group. Howard asked what if no one bids on you. Rooster said everything you do in a day's time has a chain of command. He said they have a yard boss. He said he will communicate with each group's leader. He said he can cross the color line and all of that. Howard said imagine he was up for auction. He did an auctioneer call for him at 5 cents.
Howard asked if he sees him being auctioned off do you try to stop it. Rooster said it's subtle. He said it's so subtle that it goes down under your nose. He said it's something that you don't even realize. He said they don't do it around the officer who will get involved in it.
Howard asked if he's getting raped his first day. Rooster said 15-20 years ago maybe. He said it's changed these days. He said back in the day it was like that but not these days. He said you don't have to rape anyone these days. He said they have more gay guys in there now so they don't have to.
Howard asked Rooster how much his heart weighs because he sounds horrible coughing. Rooster said he has an enlarged heart actually. He said he was thinking about that while listening to them talking about Taylor.
Howard said if he was in prison he wouldn't wipe his ass. He said he'd keep them out that way. Robin said they can use soap and water. Howard said he was thinking that would be a tip.
Rooster said the second tip is that you always watch someone's hands and feet. He said you learn if they're right or left handed. He said their feet tell you if you've been in the military. He said you're trained to lead with your left foot but most people do their right foot. He said that if you see someone take off with their left foot first then they may have been in the military. Howard said this is a tip that isn't doing him any good. He said he's going back to his tip of not wiping your ass when you shit.
Howard said he's fucked if any guy can use his hands or feet. He said they can beat him up with their toe.
Rooster said his third tip is if you find yourself locked in a cell with someone you can't shit on certain days a week. He said the toilet is used to do many things and you can't shit in it all the time. He said you have to use it as a face sink sometimes. He said it's actually very clean. Howard asked what you do when you have to shit on that day. Rooster said you have to hold it. He said he's seen guys get beaten for taking a shit on the wrong day.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked Rooster about weights in prison and if they caused any issues. Rooster said that in Louisiana they didn't take the weights out but they did cap how much they could leave in the yard. Howard said these guys get out and they're like Jason Mamoa.
Howard thanked Rooster for the tips. He said he's a big fan of his. He let him go after that.
Howard said he's going to drop this now. He tanked her for the call and asked how her vagina is. He asked if she's still dry. She said she's dealing with COVID and she's only 80 pounds. She said she's been dealing with COVID for 2 years now. She said she has brain fog and other things. She said it's hard because she has this brain fog and she can sound stupid. Howard said his mother got it and she knows what that can be like.
Howard took a call from Wet Lisa who was doing an impression of Dry Lisa and acting all dopey like Dry Lisa. Howard had the two Lisas talk to each other for a little bit. The two of them were going back and forth calling each other names.
Howard said on the phone is Drier Lisa. He took that call and let her get in on the conversation. He had all three Lisas talking about their long COVID and all of that. Howard was getting confused so he had to cut them off and get them all straight. Howard talked to Dry Lisa and went over her history and how she started calling the show. Howard then moved on to Wet Lisa and asked her what she's saying. Wet Lisa had her own story about being sick when she was younger. Then Howard moved on to Drier Lisa and had her give her history. Howard said he has to get rid of Wet Lisa. Wet Lisa said no and asked to stay on.
Dry Lisa said that it's not funny to laugh at this long COVID. Drier Lisa said that it's not what she was laughing at. She said she's laughing at Howard hanging up on Wet Lisa. Dry Lisa said that COVID is not over so they have to stop saying that. Howard talked to Dry Lisa about that for a minute.
Howard took a call from Sopping Wet Lisa who wanted to defend Dry Lisa. That lasted about 3 seconds before Howard bailed.
Howard said he can't tell the two Lisas apart. He asked them to say something so he could figure out who was who. Howard went back and forth with that bit for a long time. Howard eventually gave up on the call and let all the Lisas go.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked what's up with all the Lisas because her head was spinning. Howard said his was too. He said Edie sounds like she's kind of dry herself. Howard let her go after that.
Howard read some comments about Ronnie and his life out in the West. He read through some of those comments about his behavior on the show last week and how he's been treating Stephanie. Howard had some comments about how he was going off on Mike Pearlman and about the way Ronnie was going off on Stephanie for going over to talk to some guy on the beach. He replayed some audio of Ronnie going off on her about that.
Howard said a lot of listeners wrote in about that. He said that some people think she should leave him. Howard said he got an email from Will Smith saying ''Keep up the anger my brother!''
Howard asked Ronnie what his take is on that Will Smith thing. Ronnie said he thinks that it was very disturbing that someone was able to walk on stage like that. He said that they never let anyone get near Howard. Howard said someone did. Ronnie said not on stage. He said it was at the door. Howard said he wants to know seriously what he thought. Ronnie said he shouldn't have been allowed to step on that stage. He said they should have taken him back and discussed it with him and not let him just go sit back down and yell at Chris.
Howard read more fan feedback about Ronnie and Stephanie . He said that someone wrote that she's going to leave him for a 65 year old younger man.
Howard said there are still fans who remain loyal to Ronnie no mater what he does. He read some feedback from those fans who don't care what he does to Stephanie. Ronnie said he's actually reading good ones. Howard said he doesn't stack it against him. He said he just reads what the listeners write in.
Howard said there you go. He said if you're desiring more Ronnie he has more. He said he has Mike Pearlman to talk about this package. Ronnie let out a sigh. He said on Sternthology they have Mund Madness going on this week. He asked if he knew that. Ronnie said he did not. Howard said the smallest things can make him explode.
Mike got on and said he has some rules to abide by with Ronnie. He said he's over 70 and he can't be freaking out all the time. He said he doesn't want anything happening to him. He said the first rule is to never call Ronnie ugly. He said 10 years ago a guy came in and had an app that measured how ugly you are. He said Howard was a 34 and Ronnie got a 0 and he went off on the guy. He had some audio for Howard to play from that day where Ronnie went off on the guy who invented the app.
Howard said he never understood why he got so mad at that guy. Ronnie said the guy was a shit bag. He said no one got a zero. He said that Sal's cock got a 2 and he got a zero. He said that app went nowhere anyway.
Howard asked Mike what else he has. Mike said never question Ronnie's body image. He said he's very sensitive about his body. He said in 2017 they realized that his press photo had his head Photoshopped on Dean Cain's body. Ronnie said that wasn't his photo. He said he didn't put it out there. He said his real press photo was really him. Howard went over the history of that photo and he didn't know it wasn't his own body. Howard played some audio from that day when Ronnie was arguing about the photo.
Mike asked if he really thought he was that jacked. Ronnie said he wasn't studying it. Robin said it was really obvious. Ronnie told her to stop it. He said he didn't look at it that close. Howard said he's putting the picture up. He and Robin laughed at it when they saw it. Howard said he's going to tune into Mund Madness this week.
Mike said rule number 3 is to never question Ronnie's breakfast choices. He had Howard play a clip of Ronnie going off on Apples for pointing out what Stephanie was eating for breakfast.
Howard said Ronnie is getting too amped up about this stuff. Ronnie said he's not.
Mike said rule number 4 is to never put Ronnie in charge of food. He had a clip from back in the day when he let some cookies come in and didn't know who the came from. Howard played that clip.
Howard talked to Jason about the incident and how Ronnie was the one who would hand out the cookies to everyone there at Sirius. Howard asked Ronnie about it and he told him to just leave him alone about this shit. He said Pearlman wasn't even there for this shit.
Howard asked if Ronnie would hand out the cupcakes to hot girls all the time. Mike said he would. Ronnie told him not to lie. Mike said that Ronnie would scream at people there and want to take them out into the street to fight.
Howard let Jason and Mike tell their stories about Ronnie which got Ronnie all worked up. Robin said it's amazing that Ronnie is still worked up about this tuff that happened all these years ago. Howard said it's all about the Mund Madness.
Howard asked Mike what the fifth rule is. Mike said it's to never mess with Ronnie's food. He said in 2019 he claimed that he set aside a bagel to eat later and he insisted that he wrapped it in a paper towel and he came back and thinks it's wrapped differently and he blamed it on him. Howard played some audio from that day when Ronnie blamed Mike for messing with his food.
Mike asked if Howard thinks that he never really had his back when he hears this stuff. Ronnie told him not to even go there. Mike said you can't be security and worry about food so much. Howard asked Mike if he swears to god he didn't mess with his bagel. Mike said he swears to god he didn't do it. Howard asked what he thinks happened. Ronnie said they think he lost his mind and he's senile. Mike said he'll walk out of his office and forget he turned the light off. He said that's what it's like. Howard said maybe he wrapped the bagel and it unraveled. Ronnie said no way. Mike gave him his thoughts on what may have happened. Ronnie said he's so full of shit. He said he knows he did it and the fans know he did it. Robin said it doesn't mean he did it just because people think he did it.
Howard said Jon Blitt is convinced that Mike did something with the bagel. Howard had Jon come on to talk about that. Jon said he remembers Mike's eyes that day and he knows he did it 100 percent. Ronnie said he's right and he did it. Mike said he swears on his daughter's life he didn't do it. Howard said he believes Mike. He said all week they're doing Mund Madness on Sternthology. He said that's on Howard 101. He had a song parody for the segment that he played.
Howard said Ronnie really gets angry and it's not good for him. Howard asked if Mike is hosting this segment. Mike said not that he knows of.
Howard read about another time Erik was in studio and Chris Wilding was trying to find his penis. Howard played another clip from that day.
Howard said Ralph thinks Mike fucked with the bagel. He took his call and Ralph said Mike definitely fucked with it. Mike swore on his daughter's life that he didn't do it though. Ralph said that Ronnie is supposed to be a guy who deescalates stuff and he's the angriest guy on the planet.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik and read him some comments he got about him in the fan feedback. He played a clip of Erik saying that he could blow Donnie Wahlberg better than Jenny McCarthy. Howard said he does say that he thinks Erik is the greatest Wack Packer to ever live. Howard said some fans wrote in and said they don't agree and they like people like Eric the Actor, Beetlejuice and Jeff the Drunk.
Howard got Jeff the Drunk on the line and asked if he emailed his wife. Jeff said no. Howard said someone wrote to her as Jeff then. He read the email that someone wrote and the guy was talking about what he would do to her if he was with her. The guys all said there's no way he wrote that. Jeff said that he only has one arm so he can't write like that. Howard said Jeff says that's not him. He said he thought he would share that with everyone.
Howard congratulated Erik and Jeff for all of that. Jeff said he talked to his doctor about his arm. Jeff said no one in the office is willing to take it off. Howard said thank you Jeff. Erik said he has scissors and a circular saw if he wants him to take it off.
Howard read some feedback about Jeff going off on Mariann from Brooklyn. He had a few comments about that. Howard had some audio of Mariann leaving a message about Jeff and what a loser she thinks he is. She said she's done with him.
Howard said Jeff has some supporters. He read some comments from those people who were siding with him on the Mariann thing. He took a call from Mariann who said that she has to give props to Ronnie for watching him like a hawk. Howard said he saw him looking at the stage from time to time. Mariann said that he was very well protected. Howard said he hired him so he had confidence in him.
Mariann said she can tell that Mike fucked with that bagel and she's a good judge of character. Howard asked Mike to come back on. Mariann asked him to tell them what he did to his bagel. Mike said he didn't touch it.
Howard said he has an idea. He said he will give him Howard Stern Show amnesty. He asked him if he did anything to the bagel it's time to reveal it now. He said there will be no repercussions. He said nothing will happen if he did it and tells them now. Mike said he did not mess with the bagel. He said he won't admit to something he didn't do. Mariann said the Oscar goes to Mike Pearlman. Mariann asked who touched it then. Howard said he loves Ronnie and he thinks that day he got overwhelmed and he's mistaken about it being messed with. He said he has had issues himself forgetting to take his nightly pill.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Dan Rather who said he has looked into it deeply and he thinks that Mike's alibi is rock solid. He said he thinks that Ronnie is the victim of his own elderly brain.
Mariann said that Mike is known for pranks and he should just admit it. Mike said he's not a prankster. He said he just messes with people. Howard said he believes Mike. Ronnie said he remembers it like it was yesterday. Ronnie said he was the only one in that room so it had to be Mike. Mike said there's no joke there. He said it's the worst thing to fuck with someone's food there. He said he doesn't do shit like that.
Howard took a call from Ralph who thinks Mike knows something and he should rephrase the question. Howard asked Mike if he saw something. Mike said no one did anything and it was all Ronnie. He said that he was working that morning. He said he was doing Ronnie's job while he was away from that room. Ronnie was still insisting that it was Mike and if it wasn't then he knows who did it. Mike said no one did anything.
Howard said it's very possible that he didn't wrap the bagel. Ronnie said he knows what he did. Robin said he already has some of the facts wrong about that day so maybe he's wrong about wrapping it up. Mike said he remembers the audio from that day and he said that he went to get something to drink. He said he came back and the napkin was on it and he forgot what he did. Howard said this is why you have to tune in to Mund Madness all week on Howard 101.
Howard said on Wednesday they have Machine Gun Kelly coming in. He said they have a whole week of Mund Madness. Mike said he has to calm down at his age. He said his head is all red from getting so mad. Ronnie did his impression of Mike again.
Howard asked Mike if he understands the dildo in his ass thing with Ronnie and Stephanie. Mike said he doesn't get it. He said picturing him on all fours is just not good. Ronnie said he never said he's on all fours. He said he could be on his back. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Mike and Ronnie ended up talking about eating pussy and argued about who could do it better. Mike said Jon Blitt asked him about it and he told him what he does. He said you can stimulate the G-spot while you're stimulating the clit. Ronnie said Mike doesn't even know there is no G-spot. Howard said he's hooking his finger in there. Ronnie said here is no such thing as a real G-spot. Mike said there is and it's a vaginal orgasm.
Mike asked what Ronnie does. Ronnie said asked Blitt about it. He said that there is no such thing as a G-spot. Howard said he likes liver spots. Mike asked where the G-spot is. Ronnie said there is no spot. Mike said you thrust up and you hit it. He said there is a G-spot.
Howard said good commercial for Mund Madness. He said Mike gave them 5 rules and he has a sixth of ''never ask Ronnie about his pussy eating skills.'' Ronnie said send his girlfriend over there and he'll show her how good he is.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she is really disappointed in Ronnie. She said there is a G-spot. She said it's real. Howard said she is 100 percent correct. He said it's located inside the vagina along the upper wall of the vagina. He said it's a real thing. The caller said she's so disappointed in Ronnie. Howard said Mike is correct about it. Robin said Ronnie believes in squirt and not the G-spot. Howard said he's shocked he didn't know this. Ronnie said he's not the expert there. He said apparently Mike is.
Howard took another call from Ralph who asked what Ronnie's favorite position is. Howard said he likes to lay on his back and he pushes his legs all the way back and Stephanie puts things up his ass. Mike asked what happens there. He said that she's on his hands and knees and what happens. Ronnie said he never said he's on his hands and knees.
The guys were all asking Ronnie what he does and Ronnie said this conversation is over when Mike asked if he puts on a wig. He said when someone is making fun of his sex life then his sex life must suck.
Ralph said he wonders if there's anything Ronnie does that he doesn't talk about. Ronnie said he's talked about it all. Howard said if a guy wants to lay on his back and spread open his asshole with his legs behind his back then so be it.
Howard asked if they agree on anything. He asked Ronnie if he agrees with mike that the best place to finish is on a woman's belly. Ronnie said he finishes inside where he belongs. He said if he pulls out he'll let her finish him.
That conversation went on and on. Howard eventually hung up on Ralph and told Ronnie not to let it get to him. Ronnie said it's not getting to him.
Howard said he would love it if Ronnie got to eat out Mike's girlfriend. Mike said that's not happening. Howard said maybe Robin can do it. Robin laughed. Howard said he enjoyed the banter. He said he's not sure who messed with what.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that we all love Ronnie and all the ball breaking is hilarious and he could listen to this all day long.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was curious if Stephanie ever made Ronnie suck the dildo before shoving it in. Ronnie said no.
Howard said he's not sure what to tell you. Robin said this sure took a turn. Howard said he was just promoting this special Mund Madness. He said everyone was screaming for more Ronnie so they're going to get it. He thanked everyone for their contributions today.
Howard said they had a full show today. He said rest in pace Taylor Hawkins. He said they're going to miss him. He said he's thinking about Mike cumming on a woman's belly and how Ronnie thinks that's disrespectful. He said he'd tell Will Smith to get control of his anger. He said he was over the line. He said he thinks he covered it all.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard said welcome to Morning Joe with Mika. Robin pretended to be Mika. Howard said he watches Morning Joe when they're not on the air. He said he finds Mika very attractive. He said he finds it funny to think about the sex. He said no one has to think about him fucking Robin because that would be weird. He said he was thinking about Joe and Mika having sex. He said he likes the show and she has a nice body. He said he looks her over. He said you can see her titties and see from there up. He said she could be missing a leg or two for all he knows. He said you only see her from the chest up. He said it would be nice if they stood up and had a format like that. He said he thinks about how they must go home and fuck. Robin said that can make you think everything is going to be beautiful and pretending you're not a couple. She said maybe normal life isn't that great.
Howard said he wonders if other people watch and think about that. He said if he and Robin did that it would be really weird if they were pretending they don't do that. He said he can see Mika being really wild. He said there's a bit of narcissism in everyone who entertains. He said he figures she's very into Joe looking at her naked and she must perform for him. He said this is what he thinks about when they're talking about Ukraine and Russia.
Howard said JD thinks that Mika has a dirty side in private. JD said you can see it in her eyes. He said she must like to be looked at. He said she took some sexy photos for a magazine one time. He said she's hot. Howard said JD knows women. He said he can tell what they want from the look in their eye.
Howard said he can see Mika being pretty nutty. He said he figures they have the lights on and they're doing things all around the apartment. He said she's a pleaser. JD said she has probably gone on the show without panties on. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said that's a little crazy. He said he figures she's very professional at work. He said he bets when they first met they banged in the closet at MSNBC. Robin said there's probably not a surface they didn't do it on. Howard said this is all speculation.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks they went to H.R. right after the started doing it. Robin said not at all. Robin said they were probably pretending nothing was going on. Howard did his impression of Joe talking to Mika about how much they're going to be fucking. Fred played some porn clips in the background with guys and women moaning and groaning.
Howard had Joe and Mika having sex and telling each other to keep it a secret from the other MSNBC employees. He was doing both of their voices getting into detail about what they were going to be doing.
Howard said he sometimes imagines that's what's going on. He got back into it and had Mika asking Joe to put his fingers inside her. She had Joe asking her to suck the cum out of his tie after he got some on it. He had them going into the bathroom to fuck while Al Sharpton was in the stall next to them. He had them having sex while talking to president Zelensky.
Howard had Mika asking if Joe came on her back and finding out it was in the shape of Crimea. Howard said if he and Robin had sex they'd end up finding out.
Howard said he sees them and thinks they're a hot couple. He said he'd like them to discuss it on the air. He said Joe has a band and he looks like the kind of guy you'd like to see in a band. He said the name of the band is the opposite of the Rolling Stones. Robin said she reports on going out to see the band. Howard went into Joe talking about her coming out to see the band and how he has trouble concentrating on what he's playing with her in the front row.
Howard said when he sees a man and woman anchor he figures they're fucking. Robin said you do think that because if they have chemistry it had to happen.
Howard said they have a guy on the show who is a presidential historian. He said he must go in there and they think he can figure out that they're fucking. He said Joe has to think about going to H.R. to tell them what's going on.
Howard said Joe is in a band called Independent Council of Funk. He said he wrote a song for Mika. He was still doing his impression of Joe and Mika talking about everything they do. He had Joe writing the song for Mika. Fred played the song for Howard. He said this is ''Lets fall in love'' from the Independent Council Of Funk. Howard said he kind of likes it. He let the song play a little longer and said that's love. He had Fred cut it off saying that's enough.
Howard said those two are wild. He said he watches them all the time. He said his imagination runs wild though. Robin said he just loves the fantasy they have. Howard went back into his impression and had Joe saying that he'd slap a million Chris Rocks for her. He had Joe incorporating the news into their love making.
Howard said you'd think he'd be too busy banging her to write a song for her. Robin said maybe that was before she let him in.
Howard said those two are very sexual he has a feeling. He said it's pretty wild out there. He said he likes that whole show. He said he likes everyone on it. He said he likes Willie Geist, Al Sharpton and Donny Deutsch.
Howard and Robin talked about a station that they used to have in New York City that would do news like Morning Joe. Howard said that they didn't seem to enjoy each other as much as Joe and Mika and their crew.
Howard said they rush through that show like they have to rush back home to get up to hijinx. He said he thinks Mika is very free with her body. He said those are the views of a man who is on the back 9. He said he's on the back 9 and watching the news. He said he puts the news on his iPhone and watches that stuff on there. He said he gets all the news that way. He said he likes their version of the news.
Howard said he likes that show so much that he called and told them he does. He said he didn't get into the sex stuff though. He said he wouldn't bring that up. Robin said she would want that. Howard said he can't do that. He said he'd never tell them that. He said they're both made for each other. He said he's sure politics makes it into their love making. He made up some things they could talk about while they're making love.
Howard said he likes that whole gang so that's why he's giving them a shout out this morning. He went into more sex talk between the two of them. He had them talking about doing 69 but only if she's not on her period.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said she does think that they're missing Fred. She said what Fred did laugh at was interesting. Howard said he hasn't heard his laugh in 2 years and he doesn't miss it.
Howard asked Fred if he thinks he should open his microphone so he can laugh. Fred said not at all. He said it seems to annoy him. He said that they could go directly into that guy's house and take care of the issue. Howard said Fred's fans are very strange. He said when he does open his microphone it's kind of scary.
Howard asked Fred how he's doing. Fred said he's doing alright. Howard said he's not doing well. He said all day and last night he was on the phone with doctors and his parent's care. He said he's either doing that or waiting for calls. He said he feels like he's running a hospital now. He said he feels like a hospital administrator. He said his mom is coming home from the hospital today. He said he had to arrange for more help. He said he has more people in the apartment than parents. He said there's no end to it.
Howard said he has doctors on call and his mother is sill saying that she doesn't want to live anymore. He said they tell him that. He said it's just a mess. He said it's a lot.
Robin said that she read about a 68 year old woman dying after falling off a boat and she wondered why she was out there. She said then she thought that's the best way to go. Howard said he told his mother that but she really doesn't want to take any risks. Robin said you just jump right in the Grand Canyon and see if you can make it. Howard said he could tell his mom that but she doesn't want to do that.
Howard said he's doing everything he can to keep his mom alive and she doesn't seem to get it. He said even that irritates him when she says she has a great son and she's not what she did to deserve that. He said she asks him why he's keeping her alive. He said he shocked the shit out of her when he said he was sending her into space with Jeff Bezos. He said she said she can't go into space. Howard asked why not. He was doing his impression of his mother and father while he was talking about all of that.
Howard took a call from Joe and Mika which was actually the guys just playing porn clips of two people talking dirty to each other.
Howard said he has Will Smith's apology. He said the problem with the Academy Awards is that they take it too seriously. He said Chris Rock has to come out and entertain people and it's just not easy. He said they do not want to be made fun of. He said Chris is out there to roast people. He said they don't want to be roasted. He said they don't have a sense of humor out there. He said who knew that Will Smith was like Robert De Niro in Cape Fear. He said he sat down and started laughing again after making Chris Rock. He said it was like nothing happened. He said watch him after the slap. He said the Academy is doing an investigation just like we're doing an investigation into Trump. He said they have tape of Trump asking the guy in Georgia to find him 11,000 more votes but they say they have to do more investigating.
Howard said the Academy Awards are no place for a guy like Chris Rock because they don't have a sense of humor about themselves. He said he did an investigation and he has it all on his TiVo. He said Will Smith assaulted a guy and no one did anything about it. Then they applauded him after giving him an award.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on with the Trump investigation. He said there was an attempted coup and no one is doing anything about it. Robin said we made lose the peaceful transfer of power if they don't do anything about it. Howard said Donald Trump smacked the country like it was Chris Rock.
Howard said if he ever presents an Oscar he's going to wear a suit of armor. He said the Oscar's used to be classy. He said it wasn't even classy. He said if they tapped him to be host he'd come out in a giant shark cage. He said then he'd do a whole monologue about Jada Pinkett Smith and have Will in the front row trying to attack him. Robin said the Academy is going to take the appropriate action based on their bylaws. Howard said next year they should make it all about Jada and they just roast her with Will tied up and taking it.
Howard said he was listening to this clip. He said this is the absurdity of the whole thing. He said Jada talked about how she doesn't care about what people think of her hair on her podcast. Howard played the clip and said that is about a week old. He said she just said it. He said he's not sure where Will's demons lie. He said that they had the second smallest audience for the show this year. He said it was smaller last year. He said they somehow got more people to watch this year.
Howard said he hopes that Frances Ford Coppola is okay. He said he loves that guy. He said he saw him being walked in. He said it was upsetting to see that.
Howard said he had Frances on the show and he was so lively. He said it wasn't that long ago. Robin said it was the year she broke her wrist. Howard said it wasn't that long ago. Robin said it was like 2010 or 2011. Howard said he hopes he's okay. Howard said the Grammy's are coming up and they want Will to show up.
Howard said Mike Tyson has these gummies that he's selling and they're in the shape of an ear with a bite out of it. He said he has a clip from a podcast where Mike was smoking a blunt during the show. He said he was talking about sharing his bed with his tigers and putting up with their farts.
Howard played the clip and Mike talked about the tiger thing. Howard said Mike slept in the bed with them and then talked about them farting and shitting in the water. Howard said one of the tigers bit him while he was giving it a shot. Howard played that clip next. Mike said he's really good with big cats but he was bitten when he was giving it a tetanus shot.
Howard said he was saying that if he had a news network he'd make it all about Kanye, Pete and Kim. He said Kanye put out a video where he kidnaps Pete Davidson and buries him alive. He said it was claymation and it was kind of interesting. He said he was a fan of claymation when he was growing up. Howard said Kanye should forget about Kim. He said he just won't let it go. He said that he blasted Kim about letting their kids use TikTok. He had some audio of Kanye talking about that in some video. He said he's their father and he won't let his daughter be used by TikTok. He said he has no approval over that. He said he's the one who made them cool but he's not asked for permission to do what they think is cool.
Howard played another clip where Kanye talked about the people who are around his kids and how he has no say over that. He said the boyfriend is antagonizing him and texting him about being in bed with his wife. He said the devil ain't going to win. He said that Kim gets people out of prison and the people the other guy has tattoos put them in prison. He said that Hillary Clinton puts them in jail. Howard said he's not sure why Hillary gets blamed for that stuff. He said there's a lot of that with Will Smith too. Robin said Denzel said that to will. Howard said everyone calm down with the devil and Jesus. He said we're not sure it's all real.
Howard said he would cover that story a lot. He said he didn't know Pete had a Hillary tattoo. Robin said its hard to tell what he has. She said it would take a long time to figure it out. Howard said he thought he was getting rid of his tattoos. He said he heard Kim talking about how he branded himself with a Kim tattoo. Howard played a clip from Ellen where Kim talked about that. She said it's not a tattoo but actually branding. She said it's cute. Robin said you hear this and think that they have to be locked up.
Howard said they called a religious show using their Kanye impersonator. He played the call and Kanye was making a plea for his wife to come back to him when he called into this religious show. They had fake Kanye talking about what a genius he is and how he wants his wife to come back to him. He had the hosts of the show on his side and praying for him. They were speaking in tongues and all of that. Fake Kanye called Kim on his other phone and Pete was there with her. He got super upset and asked god to destroy them.
Howard went into a live commercial read after the call. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he was shopping for jeans last night and trying to find a new pair. He said all the jeans are tight and up high like Capri pants. He said the styles are getting weird. He said the ankles are exposed and guys don't wear socks. Robin said it's a new day. Howard said it's very feminine. He said he likes his jeans to hit his shoes. He said that's his thing.
Howard said he sees that Wendy the Slow Adult is on the phone. Robin said we haven't heard from her this year. Howard said she's promoting a 24 hour YouTube broadcast.
Howard took a call from Wendy who claims she got vaccinated even though the guys told him she didn't get it. Wendy said she only had one shot. Robin said she doesn't think she got it then. Howard said he worries about her. He asked if she goes out at all. Wendy said she hasn't been out of her house for a while now. She said she went to Florida to visit some friends and got a Chucky doll down there. Howard said you can get one online and don't have to travel for that.
Howard asked Wolfie what's going on here. Wolfie said he's confused too. He said he was told that she has been number 300 on the doctors list. Wendy said she had COVID in September. She said she wasn't vaccinated. Howard said he gets it now. He said she had it but didn't get the vaccination.
Robin asked how she did. She said they just had sore throats. Wolfie said she had bad diarrhea too. Howard said he always does. Wend said not all the time. She said she's having it 24 hours a day. Robin asked if that was different with COVID. Wendy said yes. She said it came out green. Howard said that's a good look for diarrhea.
Howard asked if she knows she had COVID or did she think she just had a cold. Wend said her mom had it and she passed it on to her. Robin asked if she got tested. Wendy said no. She said her mom did. She said she has no way of getting out of the house so she can't leave. She said she has a ramp she has to go down and they need someone to help her get out. Howard said COVID is never going away. He said the amount of people who won't get vaccinated will keep it around.
Wendy said she's on the list for the doctor. Howard said he's impressed she only got COVID once. Robin said she read that Elon Musk has it again.
Howard asked Wendy what she's doing with this broadcast. Wendy said she'll be doing karaoke and talking to her friends. She said she's having her friends on to fight and yell at each other. Wolfie said they apparently just fight the whole time. He said the big concern is that they will have porn bombing. He said they do that and they get it shut down. He said Wendy is really scared by that.
Howard asked Wendy why they porn bomb her. Wendy said because they don't want her to make money. She said she has it set to private and she won't get copyright strikes from it that way.
Howard talked to Wendy about the shut downs she gets from the porn bombing. Wendy explained it but then Wolfie had to fill Howard in on the details of what happens. He said Wendy will let guys in the chat and then they show their penis and she has to shut it down.
Wendy said you can watch her stuff privately. Wolfie said that she let a guy show his dick when he asked her if he could and then she has to shut it down. Howard said you know that if a guy says that you have to say no. He asked why she doesn't do that. Wendy said she doesn't think before she answers.
Wendy said she has merchandise too. She said they have to check that out. She said she has guys helping her sell that stuff. She said she has t-shirts and mugs. Howard said he thinks she has a lot there so he has to help her out with that. He said she has managers helping her out with this stuff. He said Wendy's manager's name is Brutal Warren and Brutal Muffin Man. He said he's so bored with his agency. He said they have normal names. Howard asked how she met her managers. Wendy said she was in a group and she met them in here. She said they helped her save money.
Howard said Wendy has hoodies and sweatshirt's up to the size of 5XL. He said that she must know her audience well. He asked if a lot of people are that big. Wendy said they are. She said that her manager has been telling her that she has sold some stuff. Howard said he'd like to have a mug with her face on it.
Howard asked what she weighs now. Wendy said 252 pounds. Howard said she has shirts for sale that are 28 bucks.
Howard said Wendy is going to be drinking Mountain Dew and some stuff called 4 Locos. He asked what that is. Wendy said it's alcohol but it's an energy drink too. Howard said they say that this stuff is 8 percent alcohol. Gary said that's like 2 cans of beer. Howard said last time Wendy got drunk she shat her pants. Wendy said he has a potty in her room by her so she can go in that if she has to.
Robin asked if they will shut her down for shitting on camera. Wendy said no. Howard asked where you get that. Wendy said they have them at Walmart. Howard said let him write that down.
Wolfie said that Wendy said she'll be sucking off the powder from Doritos during her broadcast. He asked if that's because she has no teeth. Wendy said yes. She said she can't get new teeth so he doesn't have any right now. Howard said she only needs 2 or 3 to eat. He said tell her mom that. Wendy said she sucks on them until they get soft. Wendy said she can eat spaghetti and meatballs and mac and cheese and Sauerkraut among other things. She said she likes to eat the Sauerkraut right out of the jar.
Howard asked Wendy about how long it takes to eat a burger. She said it takes like an hour. Howard said she eats slowly that way. He said that's helpful. Wendy said she has a cat named Robin. Howard said try not to lose the cat. Wendy said the cat has been doing good and she sleeps with her. She said Robin kisses her on her cheek. Wolfie asked how many cats she has. Wendy said she has four. Howard asked her mom to stop with the cats. He said you know you've lost some. Wolfie said that number has jumped up in the last year. Wolfie said the cats fight on top of her.
Howard said he heard that she was eating ketchup packets on her last show. He asked if that's easy to eat. Wendy said it is. Howard said he has to sum this all up. He said it sounds like the new broadcast is coming up. Wendy said it's on Friday at 7:55. She said that will give her time to get it all set up. Robin asked how long it goes. Wendy said it goes 24 hours. She said she'll get off the air at 8 something. She said it might go long. Howard said it might just last 15 minutes. Wolfie said there's no way she'll make it 24 hours. Wendy said that he doesn't know jack about her.
Howard said drinking too much could fuck her up or kill her. He said be careful. Wendy said she will. Howard asked how many cans she has of that 4 Loco. She said she has 4 cans. Howard said that might be okay. Wendy said she has a 24 pack of Mountain Dew.
Wendy said she's trying to get Robert Englund on her show. She said he charges $500 for a Cameo. She said she's trying to raise that money to get him on. Howard said he should give in and go on her show. Howard took a call from Wendy's manager which turned out to be clips of Beetlejuice. They had him rambling and not making much sense. Howard said it sounds like her manager is making a lot of sense.
Wendy said she wants Jimble Kimble on her show too. Howard said he has a feeling that Jimmy would like to be on her show. He said he is a compassionate man and he might just show up. Wendy said that would be awesome. Howard wished Wendy luck with her broadcast and let her go. They played her off with a song parody about her.
Howard said last they spoke to Bigfoot he made an announcement that he was going to get married to a woman named Melody. He said this is a clip of Bigfoot proposing to her. He said this was an exclusive to their show. He had the audio that he played.
Howard said it's a fabulous relationship. He said that Bigfoot calls her Melanie even though her name is Melody. He said it's an interesting relationship.
Howard said Bigfoot has a very interesting past. He said he's claimed to have slept with over 60 people. He said he has an update for him and he is in the crazy house. He said the relationship seemed to be going strong. He said Wolfie learned some new stuff. He said that Melody's adult son is demanding child support from Bigfoot. He said he's not the father and Bigfoot isn't happy about it. He said this is Bigfoot discussing it. Howard played a clip where Bigfoot explained what was going on and how this kid is asking for child support. He said the son is 35 and he wants $35 a month in child support.
Howard said the fiancee lives in a camper on her mothers goat farm. He said that her camper doesn't have running water. He said she wants Bigfoot to sign a pre-nup so she doesn't lose it. He said this is a clip about that. Bigfoot said the marriage is off and she's not calling him. He said she obviously doesn't love him.
Howard said Bigfoot said that many people act weird when they find out he's dating their mothers. Howard said when they found this out they tested Melody's loyalty to Bigfoot. He said he's their guy so they did a sting with her. He said Bigfoot thinks that she's cheating on him with her own son. He said they asked her and she said she's not doing that. He said the did set up a sting so the had Flirty Gary call her to see if she's going to cheat on Bigfoot. Howard said they had Gary call a Juggalo once. He played that as an example of what Flirty Gary does.
Howard said they had Gary call Melody so will he be able to seduce her from Bigfoot. Robin said she is suspicious of her claims of love too. She said she may be ready to jump on the very next guy. Howard said it's time to find out. Howard played the call and Flirty Gary came on to Melody and she told him about her life on the farm. Gary was telling her what he'd do to her and she sounded like she was into him. She said he was making her wet. She said she wants to meet up with him. The flirting went on for a few minutes and Gary had her making sounds like a goat.
Howard said he has a way with women. Robin said she doesn't think she thought about Bigfoot once. Howard said she's into Big Teeth. Howard said he might be on the line for that 35 a month now. Howard said there's a business in there somewhere. He said that Gary had to close his door because his son Lucas was home. Gary said Lucas was freaked out by it and had to go out for a walk. He said he was just doing his work though.
Robin asked if they took this to Bigfoot. Wolfie said no. Howard said that would escalate things. Wolfie said that Melody and Bigfoot are back in touch after she lost her cell phone coverage. He said she got it back and now they're doing fine and the marriage might still be on.
Howard said it seems like the child support might hold them back. He said that's the one thing. Howard thanked Wolfie for that and went to break after doing a live commercial read.
Howard came back and said that's Aimee Mann and Michael Penn singing the Beatles ''Two of Us.'' He said it's a beautiful song. He sang along with it a little bit.
Howard said Paul McCartney wrote this song about the long drives he would take with Linda. He said they would feel blissful. He said that Aimee Man always had a little something magical about her. He was singing along with it and trying to harmonize with it. He said it must be nice to be in a relationship when you can make music like that together. He said it must be magical to be in that relationship.
Howard said no one ever broke into a song after being with him. He said that it must be hot to have that. Robin said she would imagine it would be all fun. She said if you love what you do then it must be fun. She said she never had that with anyone.
Howard said he finds it fascinating when John and Paul shared a microphone on stage. He said some people love it. He said he doesn't get why they have to do that but they seem to love it. Robin said it might be exciting to do that. Howard said he worry about the other guy having bad breath. He said if he had a band he'd want his own microphone. He said he'd play with the guys but not share a microphone. He said he doesn't want to get that close. He doesn't think he'd like it. Robin said you have to think about the audience. Howard said maybe he shouldn't be in a band. He said she might be right.
Howard said Bruce Springsteen and Little Steven would share a microphone and he thinks about that a lot. He said Steven looks woozy when he's doing it. Robin said he's looking up at him when he does it. Howard said if he were in a band he'd be asking people to back off.
Howard said you'd love his band. He said he'd be called Six Foot Circle and they'd be six feet apart and have bear traps between them so you can't get close.
Howard said he does like seeing bands sing like that. He said guys don't want to smell each other's breath.
Robin said they're saying that it should be standard time we should go with. Howard said that's fine. He said Daylight Saving Time has nothing to do with farmers. He said he read that the farmers have lobbied against it. He said they did it to save electricity in 1956. He said he had no idea it started then. He said they say it doesn't even save electricity. He said he hates the lights being on so he goes around turning the lights off.
Howard said as long as there's light out his parents have more time to complain. He said he wants it to be dark right now. He said Beth calls him the lord of darkness. He said he loves it when it's ringing out so she thinks he's so dark inside. He said that she brings some light into his life. He said opposites attract. He said he's excited about that going away.
Howard said he liked the show ''The Tinder Swindler.'' He said he guy did all of this shit to people and he doesn't get punished. He said he's just like Trump.
Howard said he wanted to talk about the Bachelor finale. He said that this guy was such a moron. He said he can't believe they even had the guy on. He said the guy would tell women that he loved them and then he'd fuck them. He said the guy was a monster. He said this woman Susie overlooked it all. He said he thought she was going to dump the guy. He played a clip of the guy and Susie talking and The Bachelor says he's falling in love with her. Howard said her legs are open at that point. He said he told her that he was in love with her but then he tells another woman the same thing. He played another clip where he told a woman the same thing.
Howard said this guy fucks the second one after the first. He said then Susie asks if he had sex with the other two. He said he had sex with one but then he told her he loves her the most. He said that he got so angry with her and he told her to leave. He said it was ruining his experience. He said he was like what the fuck. He said now she's with him. He said she came back. He said it really is a man's world. He said after he fucked the girls he yelled up to them that he loved them all. He said he loved Rachel and then it was Gabby. He said it was the same move. He said then he tells Susie that he loves her the most. He said women should be protesting.
Howard said Robin should watch this season. He said it's really something else. He said that Susie came back and she's really good looking. He said this guy had it made. He said he had 3 good looking women. He said the guy was a real player.
Howard said it's so crazy what's going on. He said the guy is a sociopath. He said he had 3 women he was in love with. He said he got angry with the victim Susie. Robin said that's a total masochist. She said that she has to put up with whatever he does. She said she's going to have a miserable life.
Howard said it's like the Will Smith thing and no one did anything about it. Robin said Chris Rock didn't have any friends in that room. She said not one person cared to help him. Howard said he would have gotten up and pointed out that the guy just assaulted Chris Rock. He said it's ridiculous what went on there. He said he would have made a citizen's arrest. He said everyone acted like everything was normal. He said it's very odd behavior. Robin said everyone was odd. She said they sat there around him enjoying the show. She said she's not sure what was going through their head. Howard said Jason Mamoa was right there. He wondered why he didn't do anything. He said everyone in the room gave him a standing ovation during his Oscar speech. He said all these people who are so horrified by the actions of this one or that one and they just stood there doing nothing.
Robin said they were talking about it on The View and Whoopi said there's no way they're taking away his Oscar. Howard said maybe she has some say about that. He said that people will do anything to help someone who can help them out. He said Will might be able to get them in a film while Chris hasn't been doing much lately.
Howard said he's going to make her ambassador of the Howard Stern show. He said snow she's the coolest. He said Samantha is the ambassador of the show. Samantha said wow. Howard said now she has to tell the kids in school to listen to the show. Howard said that's the best thing she can do.
Samantha was talking about how she wanted to go into the military and her story didn't go anywhere. Her mom got on and said she's kind of star struck. Howard told her to tell Samantha that after 30 some years of being bullied you'll start to heal.
Howard said tell Samantha that she's now his ambassador for the show. He said she's the one who has to get the young people to listen to the show.
Howard said he has to read some fan feedback. He read about a show called DMZ on HBOMax. He said he would watch that. He said there's that new Spider-Man movie out that he hasn't seen yet. He said he's not buying it. He said he's waiting to see it for free on Disney+ or one of those. Robin said you'll get it somewhere. Howard said he pays for enough services that he should get something for free.
Howard said that Derek and Julianne Hough had a special on where they danced and they were inspired by classic movies. Howard said he would watch that. He said they have a weird sexual vibe as brother and sister. He said he has a fascination with it. He said when she was on Dancing with the Stars he would get very charged up when she would dance. He said he enjoys seeing a woman in skimpy clothing.
Howard said when he's on Peloton they have this woman who used to be a professional dancer. He said she starts dancing on the bike. He said she does weird neck moves and she's calculating how to interact with the music. He said what a strange thing that is. He said he thinks he'd watch that special with Julianne and Derek Hough. He read more about the special and said he'd see what she's wearing for each dance and fast forward to the next dance to see what she's wearing. He said these dancers have great bodies.
Howard said a new movie is coming to Netflix called ''Along for the Ride.'' He said it looks good to him. He read about that and said there are a lot of movies coming out now with uglier and uglier people. He said he wants to see good looking people. He said he doesn't want to see people like himself. Robin said there's a movie out with Sandra Bullock and Channing Tatum and she's not into that. She said she doesn't find him attractive. Howard said he doesn't know about that. He said he was thinking about his love story with Beth and how horrible that would be. He said you want to look at Beth but not at who she's falling in love with.
Howard said he saw a movie about a girl who could only go out at night. He said if she was in the sun she could die. He said he forgets what happens in that one. He said he thinks they fell asleep on the beach and all hell broke loose.
Howard said a Breaking Bad marathon is on AMC. He said he already saw that. Robin said she has a friend who never saw it so she told her about that. Howard said he has to get that Derek and Julianne show. He said he has to get a tape of it. Robin said he can stream it so he doesn't need tape.
Howard said Mike Myers has a new comedy project coming out. He said it's about time. He said he must have made a shit load of money with the Austin Powers movies. Robin said he was in Shrek too. Howard said they don't pay you that much to be in those.
Robin said it turns out she has a thing for Vikings. She said she has to watch everything about Viking tales. She said there was a show called The Vikings and The Last Kingdom. She said she wants more.
Howard said the movie he watched with the chick who had the skin disease was Midnight Sun with Bella Thorne.
Howard said you can't do heroin over Zoom so you have to go out and find it. He asked the caller how she told him she was leaving him. She said it was horrible. She said that he was in rough shape and she called his mom to tell her to check in on him because she's leaving. Howard bailed on her call and said he doesn't need to be more bummed out about life.
Howard took another call from a woman who said that he keeps saying he's ugly but she thinks that he's a good looking man. She said that he is absolutely gorgeous. She said he's sexy and smart too. Howard said he has to say he's ugly to relate to other men. He said he's irresistible. He said poor Robin has to sit by his side. He said he has certain angles that he looks decent in. He said if he showed his head in the wrong direction you'd see how hideous he is. He said he has an example. He said when he and Robin met they met over the phone. He said they spoke and the only thing Robin had was his press photo. He said she told the Program Director that this was a handsome man. He said that she thought it might be hard to work with this man. Howard said when they met it was completely different. He said he was able to pose in a way for a photo to look good. He said he's ugly but he can look good at certain angles. He said when Robin saw him for the first time she asked who the fuck that was in the press photo. He said she could not believe her eyes. He said that's the story of his life.
Howard said he met a woman who said he looks better in person than in photos. He said Robin knows the truth. He said she thought he was a liar about his press photo. Robin said she did ask who the guy was on the photo. Howard said Robin never had problems working with him after that.
The caller said she still thinks that he looks handsome. Howard said just look at him in his movie. He said he had to tell Ivan and Betty that he can't face the camera because people will be in shock. He said he went to them and told them that. He said they told him to get the fuck out of here. He said that he saw the movie and it was a disaster for him. He said he had to have his nose shaved down. The caller said we all have sides that look good.
The caller said that she wants to say something about Ronnie. She said it's so obvious that he's insecure and that's why it's always fuck you and fuck this and that. Howard said that's why he loves him. He said he's a raw nerve and an open book. He said that's what he loves about him. Robin said he's a seeping wound.
Howard asked Ronnie to say the word elderly. Fred played him saying ''Erderly'' from the other day. He played that a bunch of times.
Howard said a lot of people wrote in about Ronnie and the show yesterday. He said they wrote in about Will Smith and Chris Rock too. He read through some comments about the Will Smith stuff. Howard had some feedback about Nikki Glaser calling in and how great that was. Howard said they contacted a bunch of people to come on the show and Nikki was the only one who came on. Gar said a few people got back to him after the show. He said some didn't get back to him at all. Gary said Jimmy got back to him around 11:30 after the show.
Howard said Jimmy is good at walking that line. He said he would like to hear what his thoughts are on all of that. Robin said he had a gaffe during one of his Oscar broadcasts. Howard said he's very good at walking that line of being funny but not offending anyone.
Gary said Amy Schumer will be on the show next week so they can talk to her about all of that then. Howard said she was so good as a host. Robin said she walked that line too. Howard said yeah.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake George Lucas who said the have technology to make him look not hideous. He said they can green screen him and make him look less like himself. He said they did it with Senator Palpatine. He said he has a whole team working on his nose as they speak. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard read more feedback about Chris Rock and Will Smith. He said that Bobo is supposed to be banned from the show but maybe that's over with. He said Bobo was frustrated and left them a message about Will Smith. He said he has a feeling it's just what they said and just regurgitated. Howard played the message and that's exactly what it was.
Howard did his impression of Bobo and said he's even more scripted on voicemail. He said you can tell he wrote that all out. He said Fred must be having a field day with that. He got Fred on to do his Bobo impression. Howard said he was going to say that they should ban Bobo for another year. He said he's not even sure why they banned him but he thinks they should keep him off the show. Fred did his impression of Bobo and talked about the Chris Rock thing.
Howard said the whole voicemail is 2 minutes long. He said he might want to hear the whole thing. He and Fred did their Elmer Fudd sounding impressions of Bobo.
Howard said he thinks they could give Bobo puppet any subject to talk about and he could handle it. Howard let Fred do his thing. Fred was going off on things in the same way he did with the Chris Rock and Will Smith thing.
Howard said they banned Bobo but he has no idea why. He said it has been rather pleasant without him. Fred reminded him about what got Bobo banned.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel said that the Will Smith thing was like your drunk uncle starting a fight at a wedding. He said he's so right.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked if anyone is even missing Bobo. She said that his punishment is over at the end of April. She said that he's so scripted. She said that he put ''Radio personality'' on his Cameo. She said that he can't play by the rules at all. She said he didn't follow the punishment.
Howard took a call from Ralph and asked what's going on with Bobo. Ralph said he could get banned for another 3 months. He said that he was supposed to change his name to Steve the Fool and he didn't do that either. Mariann said Bobo isn't taking this seriously and he's still Bobo on Instagram. Ralph said that he was supposed to change his name and not make a new account.
Mariann asked if they should take a poll or something. She said that she's not sure anyone misses him. Howard said Ralph has come under criticism because Jon Blitt says that he has dropped the ball with Bobo. Howard asked Jon what's up. Jon said Ralph isn't doing the work that he was supposed to with Bobo. He said he passes the buck. He said Ralph told him to email Bobo and didn't do it himself. He said he has enough work to do himself.
Howard said that this is hard to believe that Ralph isn't doing his work. Ralph and Blitt argued about that a bit. Howard said Ralph was the one who said he wanted to monitor Bobo. Ralph said he did not. He said he would tell Bobo if he had good questions. He said he didn't even do the first part of the punishment. He said he made an email for him. Jon said that Ralph didn't do the first part of his job. Ralph said he wasn't giving Bobo any information about himself. He said he doesn't have to be involved with this. Blitt said that Ralph isn't doing the work he said he was going to do. They were all talking over each other. Blitt said he thinks they should ban Ralph permanently. Ralph said that Blitt is probably high right now. Blitt said he is. He said he's on a few things. He rattled them off. Howard said he's a wild man.
Howard let Ralph and Jon go and told Jon to take it easy on that stuff. He said you have to be careful. He said to show he's not wrong Ralph agreed to be Bobo's probation officer in 2015. He said it ended the same way. He played a clip from back then.
Howard said he has to say that he can't let Ralph do anything like that. He said he should have known. He said he should have put Mariann in charge. Robin said she thought Ralph wanted to do this. Howard said he tricks him every time. Howard said Mariann is now in charge. Mariann said she'll take the job over. Howard said he's now in charge. Mariann said that what they love about Bobo is his stupid questions. She said she'll come up with a different punishment. she said she'll report to him tomorrow. Howard thanked her and let her go.
Howard said he keeps falling for that Ralph thing. He said he has the full 2 minute voicemail about Will Smith. Robin said she wants to hear it. Howard said alright and played the message that Bobo left for them. They were goofing on his speech impediment and doing impressions of it.
Bobo was going on and on about the slap and the Oscar that Will won. He was bringing up the same things that Howard brought up during his talk about the slap. Howard said it's such fake outrage. He played more of Bobo's scripted rant. Fred and Howard did their Bobo impressions and repeated what he was ranting about.
Howard said they're only a minute into this. He said they have another minute to go. Howard played more of the rant and kept goofing on the whole thing. Fred was going nuts as Bobo puppet sounding like Elmer Fudd.
Howard said how about following that guy around for a whole day. He said that would be a reality show. Robin said she'd like to see that. Howard said he'd like to know if he writes fast or slow. Fred went into more of his rant as Bobo.
Howard said you've heard the full 2 minute version now. Robin said it was full of gems.
Howard said that guy Damon Feldman who put on a lot of celebrity fights and he thinks they could have a new boxing match. He played a message that Damon had about putting Will and Chris up to fight on June 11th in Florida. Robin said the last time he put together a fight one of the opponents didn't even show up. Howard said the fight went on though.
Howard said they talked about the passing of Taylor Hawkins yesterday. He said the fans wrote in about that. He read through some of the comments they got about Taylor.
Howard said last time Dave and Taylor were on they had their microphones on before they were on the air and they were talking about who in the Eagles had the best solo career. Howard played some of that conversation they had before they knew they were on the air. Howard said that was some of the great chemistry between Dave and Taylor.
Howard said they had a lot of time devoted to Mike Pearlman giving his Ronnie Rules. He read some feedback about that conversation.
Howard said you could see Will Smith's fear of Jada at the Oscars. He said that she shot him the look and he had to do something to defend her right away.
Howard said the guys were talking about the G-spot and people wrote in about that. He read some of that feedback.
Howard said Stephanie sticks by Ronnie on what he said. He had a clip of Blitt talking to her about what he said about it. Stephanie said he knows where it's at but he may not know what it's called. She said he knows what he's doing and he may not know all the language.
Howard said he appreciates the discussion about sex and all of that with Ronnie and Mike.
Howard asked what's going on with him filling in on the Wendy Williams Show. Michael said he is. He said that he's doing more in April and May. He said they asked him to do it once and he was fantastic at it so the asked him to come back and host another week. He said he's been doing it and he loves it. Howard asked what he does on the show. Michael filled him in on what he's been doing. He said he's doing what Wendy did in some segments. He said the excitement and thrill of knowing you're on live TV is unlike anything else. Howard said he's going to watch. He said he wants to see what he's up to.
Howard asked JD what he has to say about Michael hosting. JD said it's a lot of reality shows that he talks about. He said there's lot of Housewives talk and things like that. He said every guest seemed to be a Housewife. He said the crowd loves him though. Michael said that he may have seen him one day but they don't do that every day.
Michael asked Howard if he'd do the show a couple of times. Howard said he doesn't do shows like that.
Howard asked Michael what he thought of the Will Smith thing. Michael said what he did was not okay. He said that what she's going through is tough and imagine your wife going through that. Howard said it wasn't an insulting joke that Chris told. Michael said she still looks beautiful but it's not her choice. Robin said that Chris can't know it wasn't a choice. Michael said he's a fan of both of them. He said he's not condoning it. He said that they should have don it back stage. He said Will fucked up but he can understand how it can happen. Robin said she thinks they're talking to the wrong person.
Howard said Michael is also playing Amy Schumer's father in her show Life and Beth. He said he has to check that out.
Michael said that he would also have Eric the Actor on the Mt. Rushmore of the Wack Pack. He said Mariann should be up there as well. He said she may not know it but she's in the Wack Pack. Howard let Michael go after that.
Howard said tomorrow they'll talk to Machine Gun Kelly. He said they will have a lot of other hijinx as well. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:35am.
Howard started the show talking about how he can't get enough of this Chris Rock getting smacked by Will Smith. Robin said Chris is supposed to do 2 shows today in Boston and they say the ticket prices have skyrocketed. Howard said that's sick. He said he's sure that Chris doesn't want to deal with that. Robin said Diddy said that they've made up and they're brothers. Howard asked what that's about. He said it must be a racial thing. Robin said she's so sick of people acting like they can act differently than other people.
Robin said she was watching the Jim Carrey interview with Gayle King and Gayle was trying to defend Will. Howard said it's a thing with network news and not wanting to have an opinion. He said it's all bullshit. Robin said that they don't know what provoked this. Howard said it's all dummy talk. He said thank god for Jim Carrey. He said he has a clip to play. He said Jim was asked about what he thought of the whole thing. He played the clip and Jim said he was sickened by the standing ovation and how Hollywood is spineless. Jim said he thinks Will should have been arrested.
Howard said the excuse is that there were jokes in the past and all of that but it's all bull. Robin said they don't know what Will was thinking and if his wife didn't like it then he should have been comforting her in that moment. Howard said the whole affair is ugly. He said he understands why Jim said he would be suing Will over that. He said that there's a confidence that Chris has and now he's the guy who got slapped. He said its going to affect his career. He said he got bitch slapped. He said he just fucked up Chris Rock's career. He said it's going to be in his head and it's all a bunch of bullshit. He said Chris may come up with material for that but it's going to suck for him.
Howard said in revenge movies they have things take place in high school. He said the really nerdy kid is the guy who gets picked on by the strong bully. He said Will is the bully and Chris is the nerdy kid. He said this time the bully smacks him and he doesn't realize he has super powers and he can now beat up the bully. He said it would have been great if he had choked out Will but that's not real life. He said the bully wasn't told he was doing something wrong. He said they stood up and applauded Will Smith. He said it's sickening.
Howard said it's like what's going on with Trump. He said he was saying Putin is a genius again. He asked when people are going to wake up and stop voting for this guy.
Howard said this Chris Rock thing is going to be around forever and he's going to be seen getting bitch slapped. He said it was just outrageous. Robin said Will apologized but that image is still out there.
Howard said even more sickening is OJ weighing in on this act of violence. He said this is why our country has gone insane. He said everything about the clip is wrong. He said OJ is in Florida, maybe, at some club and he's having the time of his life. He said you can hear the music pounding and this is him rubbing it in the country's face about how much fun he's having. He said he's saying he was asked about this but he doesn't realize that's because he's out of his mind and people want to know what this crazy person is thinking.
Howard played the clip and OJ said that he thinks Will was wrong and this was unfortunate. He said he understood the feeling. He said that he has raised kids and people had an OJ routine. He said he would have wanted to slap some guys over that. He said he thought it was kind of an unfunny joke and he doesn't get it. He said if he had done that to someone they would have given him life without. He said he's just thinking.
Howard said OJ thinks that it's what happened in Vegas that would get him life. He said he meant to say that it was what happened in L.A.
Howard did his impression of OJ and goofed on him over his use of the word egregious. He said he loves guys who use words the don't know how to say.
Howard said please stop following OJ and stop giving him a forum. He said let him be the only one following him. He said Kim Goldman who is the sister of Ron Goldman who died at OJ's hand tweeted about that post. He read what she had to say about that. She said that's f'ing rich that a guy like that is commenting on a situation like that.
Howard played the clip and OJ was all happy talking about what he's up to and what he thinks about the Ukraine and Russia situation. Howard said he sounds like he's wrestling those words. He said it sounds like his head isn't secret on straight.
Howard did his impression of OJ talking about all of that stuff and goofed on that for a little bit. He had him screwing up some words he was using since it seemed like that's what OJ did. They had a song for OJ that he played too.
Howard said Olivia Jade is back and she's feeling comfortable after her stint on Dancing with the Stars. He said she made a long video about her trip to Milan for Fashion Week. He said she did a little thing for Ukraine. He played some audio of her talking about that. Howard said she was teaching people how to do make up and things like that for Fashion Week. Howard said things are back to normal for her just like it is for Trump who tried to overturn the election. He said we're going to lose our democracy and have some weird autocracy when this is all done.
Howard said he watched this Olivia Jade thing and she was so stressed out. He said she was making $2 million a year from Instagram and she didn't need college. He said everything got screwed up by her parents. He said that she is so stressed out by how to organize her swimsuits. He said he gets stressed by that too.
Howard played the clip of Olivia talking about what was stressing her out. She said it's the bikinis that are stressing her out. She said she doesn't even know where to start. She said it was a little bit scary but she has to get it done with. She said she feels like she has to get that done with so she can get other things done.
Howard said that's the most stressful thing a person can go through apparently. Robin said there's a lot of cuts and coming back and still talking about the swimsuits.
JD said the size of her closet is the size of an apartment. He said it's very big. Howard said he was watching it and it was like the size of a Manhattan apartment. He said she has so many clothes that she has clothing racks like a store has. Robin asked if she's home. Howard said it looked like she was home. He said it had to be with the closet like that. He said she had boxes full of bikinis. He said she had a whole wing for the bikinis alone.
Howard said he has a clip of Olivia talking about Ukraine. He said she was over in Milan when she talked about this. He said she had her green juice there and she said they made it perfectly for her. He said she had that special coffee drink too. JD said she had lots of coffee and eggs and bacon. Howard said she spent more time with the celery juice. He said he thinks the eggs and bacon made her more relatable to the people who are watching her. He said she probably didn't eat it.
Howard played more of Olivia talking about things during her trip to Milan. She talked about being on Dancing with the Stars and then went into talking about Ukraine and what the families there must be going through. She said she feels for what they're going through. She got back to coffee talk after talking about Ukraine for about 3 seconds.
Howard said our whole world is so fucked up. Robin asked if her followers dropped off. JD said she still has 1.82 million subscribers. Howard said he's still subscribed. JD said she's showing off her flat stomach a lot. Howard said a lot of her videos have her belly and titties. He said that keeps him tuned in.
Howard said he doesn't think she still has the sponsors she used to. He said there's a glimmer of hope there.
Howard said the moral of the story is that hot people don't get canceled. He said even the one who was branded a mean girl. JD said that was Chrissy Teigen. Howard said she's hot so everyone forgot about what she was up to. He said that she was back on the Tonight Show. He said everyone seems to have forgotten what she was up to.
Howard said Olivia hasn't been putting her videos out every Monday like she said she would. He said it's Wednesday and she hasn't put one out. He said he's not sure what people are thinking. He said that they need that for the Ukrainian people.
Howard said he has another video of her watering her plants. He said he wasn't into this one. JD said there's a lot of things going on in this one. He said she has shots of the plant and then her making coffee and things like that. Howard said there was one video where she was journaling and drinking her coffee. He said she's having fucking fun. He asked why go to college if you're that set up. Robin said she did say she didn't want to go. Howard said he felt like her parents were pushing her into going. He said she was getting paid 2 million a year to lay in bed and water her plants.
Howard said he watched one video of her decorating her dorm room. He said she got everything for free too. He said she had her room tricked out. He said he was so jealous. He said his dorm room was like a prison cell. He said he and Lou had nothing. He asked where the hell his tricked out dorm room was. He said he had nothing. He didn't even have pens and books.
Robin said she had a roommate like Olivia. She said this girl's mom had stuff to decorate the room with and she turned to her and said she had a bed spread for her too. She said she re-did her side of the room as well. Howard said that's great.
Howard said this is an old clip of Olivia decorating her dorm room. She was saying Amazon was coming to take shots of her room. Howard said this was crazy. He said she had a decorator moving in with her basically. In the clip she was talking about all of the stuff she got from Amazon.
Howard did his Olivia Jade impression and had her talking about all of the stuff in her room. He said it's unbelievable what she had going on there.
Howard said he doesn't think she even had a roommate. JD said she did. Howard said he might be right.
Howard said her go to adjective was ''cute'' and everything was cute. He played some audio of her using the word over and over to describe things.
Howard asked if there's anything she didn't find cute. He said he doesn't think she did. Howard said the world is divided into cute and not cute. Howard said he's still subscribed to her. He said he can't tear himself away.
Howard said now her new thing is about peace and love. He said she's saying her Vlog is spreading joy without harm or something. He said she has a mission statement and he's digging it. JD said he hasn't seen that but he believes it.
Howard said Olivia has her journal but she doesn't tell them what she writes in it. He said he thinks that's a mistake.
Howard said Olivia told the Wall Street Journal that she is leading with kindness. He said that's what he was talking about. He said he's thinking about the other kids who didn't get into college because of her.
Howard said he didn't understand how she was separating her bikinis. JD said she drew out a whole floor plan for her clothes in her closet. Howard said he got bored by that. He said he zoned. He said that was a little too much. He said he was hoping that she'd show off some of the bikinis but she didn't do any of that. He said that was kind of disappointing. JD said she was obsessed with the new vanity she had coming. He said that was the big stress.
Howard said she doesn't show her journal and she may be afraid to show it because of how vapid it is. He made up some things that might be in there. He put echo on his voice and did his impression of her talking about what's in that journal.
Howard said she can't show that journal on her videos. He said that's what it would be like. Robin said that would get her to subscribe.
Howard did more of his journal entries for Olivia. He made up all kinds of vapid and rude comments. He said he felt kind of shallow watching her organize her bikinis. Robin said he claims to be so busy. Howard said he is doing other things at the same time. He said he was working. He said this is work. JD said his wife saw him watching the videos and she started rolling her eyes. He said he told her this is work.
Howard made up more journal entries for Olivia Jade. He said he's looking at JD's background and thinking he could use some free Amazon stuff there. JD said we could all use some free stuff from Amazon.
Howard said he never played the clip of her watering her plants but he thinks maybe they had enough. He said it's kind of working for her doing that stuff. He played some audio of Olivia watering her plants. He said she does it in every videos just about. He said this is a montage of that. He played the clip and she was talking about what she was going to do that day and it was watering plants and things like that. Howard said she's going to water her plants and thank god she's good looking that day.
Howard said the poor guy who put out that guitar song never thought it was going to be used for Olivia Jade. He said he probably studied at Juilliard for 20 years and he got a deal with a record company and now he's the background for her videos.
Howard said his dad is acting real wacky and he freaked out when his mom was in the hospital. He said he was never like this before. He said old age really screws with your demeanor. Robin said that bond was his security blanket. Howard said he didn't think he even liked his mother. He said he knows he doesn't like him. Robin said she didn't think that her father liked her mother either but at the end of his life he was clinging to her.
Howard said his mother came home and his father was asking ''How do you do?'' He said now he's a big shot again. He said he was actually very happy to see his wife. He said his mom was carrying on and saying she never thought she'd see him again.
Howard said his father actually put down his bagel to greet his mother. He said he never did that before. He said the doctors told him that they had a new medication for him and there was a side effect that he might get an erection that won't go away. He said he said his mother can handle that. He said the said that it's a risk that he could get it and it's not going to go away. Howard said that would be great to see. He said he'd have to get an emergency blow job.
Howard said they didn't end up using that medication. He said his father calmed down so they didn't have to use it. Howard did his impressions of his mother and father while he was going through all of that.
Howard said they can't cure cancer yet but they can give an old man a hard dick.
Howard said then there was some other medication that had some side effects. He said he was weighing it out and thinking the guy is 98 so just give him a boner. He said they said it was very painful though so that's not good. He said he had a boner in college that wouldn't go away so he knows what that's like. He said no one was helping him get rid of that thing.
Robin asked if his mother is up now. Howard said she's much better. He said she started eating again but she's in a wheelchair. He said she can walk but she prefers to be wheeled around. He said he thinks he's going to die before them. He said it's killing him.
Howard said he didn't know there was a new Joey King movie out. He said the movie is like Ghost. He said that he was so happy. He said it's the worst movie that he loves so much. He said he loves Joey King. He said she knows how to pick movies. He said that she found love and the guy dies and turns into a ghost.
Robin said it sounds like a downer to her. Howard said stop it. He said he needs a Joey King movie every week. He said that and Olivia Jade videos.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said Machine Gun Kelly will be on later. He said last time he was on he called him Machine. He said his name is Colson. He said he didn't know that. He said he wasn't being an asshole. He said he called him Machine. He said that he told Jason that only a few people can call him that. He said he feels honored. He went over some of the stuff that he had to go through as a kid. He said he had a tough time. He said he struggled but he has carved out a career and he's rockin'. He said that you don't see a lot of bands rockin' now. He said there are a few but not a lot.
Howard said Robin should call him Kels and he's allowed to call him Machine. He said that he said to him that he was going to ask Megan to marry him and he did. He said they're engaged now. He said he did propose. Robin asked who didn't see that coming. Howard said give him some credit. Robin asked what else is going to happen in the future. Howard said they drank each other's blood when the proposed. Howard said he predicted that Pete Davidson will be his best man. He said they'll have to see what happens there. He said he has to ask what that's like. He said he doesn't have good friends like that. He said these dudes do a lot together. He said having a best friend sounds like a lot of work and he's not looking for that. Robin said it shouldn't feel like work. Howard said his parents are a lot of work. He said Beth is his best friend. He said she's right there in the house. He said that's easy. Robin said it is nice to have one person but it's also good to have a lot of people. Howard said his best friend gives him sex. He said that's the good part.
Howard said he was working on Jimmy Kimmel to be his best friend but he pushed him hard to go to Italy and he had to back off. He said he saw Jimmy recently and he was still telling him when he was comfortable they had to go to Italy. Howard asked when he's ever been comfortable. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that was a good Batman. He said Tim Burton was a great director and Michael Keaton was good as Batman. He said the music was great for that movie. He said he can't believe Prince is gone. Robin said she was just thinking that. Howard said that's a real shame. He said on the Batman movie they asked Danny Elfman to do the soundtrack but he wouldn't do it. He said he didn't want to work with Prince. He said a composer and a rock star working together wouldn't work.
Howard said Prince died in 2016 from an overdose. He said he's going to do the math to figure out how long that's been. He counted on his fingers. He said it's been 5 years. Robin said it's 2022. He only counted to 2021. Howard said he'll count again. He came up with 6 years. Howard said he rarely makes a mistake. He said he forgot it's 2022.
Howard said he was reading about Alex Jones and how he cold be arrested for calling out sick for court ordered depositions for the Sandy Hook case. He said that the parents of the kids who died are suing him. He said that its so weird with what's going on these days. He said people don't show up for subpoenas for Congress. He said Alex Jones isn't showing up for his case. He said it's just weird. He said that Alex skipped two dates. He said the parents are calling on the judge to arrest him. He said his attorneys are saying that he's very sick and he can't show up. Robin said then he did shows on those days. She said you can't do that. Howard said the day he didn't show up he hosted a 4 hour Infowars show. He said he seemed to have a lot of energy that day. He had some audio from that show.
Howard played the clip of Alex talking to a guy who had COVID and they were talking about that being a bio weapon attack. Howard asked where that's on record. Alex was ranting about that and how you're the victim of a bio weapon attack. He started screaming about how they're going to pay for what they've done.
Howard said a few days later he figured he had to act more sick so he did a show from home and acted like he was sick. Howard played a clip of Alex talking about how sick he is.
Howard said there you go. Robin did her impression of his fake cough. Howard said it seems like the whole world is nuts. He said Will Smith smacked someone and Alex Jones isn't showing up for a deposition. He said people don't show up for Congress subpoenas. He said he's too available himself. Robin said he respects the laws in this country. she said if you don't then you blow up the whole thing.
Howard said Alex wants to defend himself. He had fake Alex Jones come on and talk about all of this stuff. Alex was ranting about all of this stuff going on on his life. He said he's the victim of a bio weapon and they want to take down humanity. He said he has never had the sniffles in his life. He said then he got sick when he deposition thing came around.
Howard asked Alex about the bio weapon thing and how that works. Alex was yelling about how they're going to pay for what they've done. He was yelling about all of that.
Howard asked fake Alex what he has going on over there. He said he has a lot of paper on his table. Alex was ranting about the Russian invasion of Ukraine and how they're draining baby blood over there. He had a special guest on and it was President Zelensky. He had Zelensky as satan taking baby blood over there.
Howard said what a show he has. He said it says there that the judge denied the delay of the deposition. He said that his condition isn't serious enough. He said that the judge denied it so his deposition is on. Fake Alex faked a cough and a sneeze. He said he's sneezing all over the place. Howard said he hopes the judge is listening. He asked if he has anything to plug today. Alex broke into a live commercial read for some stuff he sells at Infowars.com. Howard let Alex go after that. Alex played himself out with a song about his web site. He let out a lame fake cough at the end.
Howard said he heard a story about Ronnie and if someone walked in on him having sex. Ronnie didn't know what he was talking about. Howard asked if he was having sex and someone walked in the room. Ronnie said no. Howard said he won't bring it up then. Gary said he just texted him. Ronnie looked at it to see if it was true or not. Ronnie said they were sleeping. He said they weren't doing anything.
Howard said he herd he was banging his fiancee and they were at her parent's house and they walked in. Ronnie said they were at his house and they walked in while they were sleeping. Howard said it wasn't a good story then.
Ronnie said it was at Thanksgiving and they were sleeping and her parents wanted to make breakfast so the father walked in but they were sleeping. He said they kept hearing the dad whispering ''Stephanie!'' over and over. He said he didn't walk into the room, he was out in the hallway. Howard said he dad is younger than Ronnie is. He said it would be weird to see him naked next to his daughter. He said it's good he didn't walk in on that. Ronnie said the guy is only 2 years younger than he is.
Howard said he saw that Ronnie was floating around on a unicorn float in the pool. Ronnie said Stephanie was, not him. He said that's her thing. Howard said the pool is done and all of that stuff. Ronnie said it's all done. He said he's' all settled in now. Howard said that woman didn't think he was happy but he is. Ronnie said he is.
Howard asked how weird that would have been if the father in law walked in on him getting a dildo shoved in his ass. Ronnie said that would have been weird.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Mike Pearlman is great on the show. He said that he wants more of him if possible. Howard said absolutely. He said a lot of people wrote them about Mike and Ronnie. He said people love it. He said they're two big superstars.
The caller said he'd love to get Ed Torian back on the show. Howard said they're working on it for Mike to take a lie detector test. He said he has agreed to do it so they're working on it.
Robin asked if Ronnie will drop it after that if he's shown to be telling the truth. Howard asked Ronnie. Ronnie said no. He said people can get around it. Howard asked Mike what he feels about his new found fame. Ronnie did his impression of Mike and said he knows exactly what he did. He said he found his angle to get on the show and this is it.
Howard asked Mike what he thinks about this. Mike said he'll take the lie detector test but Ronnie won't believe it so what's the point.
Howard said Ronnie turns into a comedian in front of Mike. He does that impression of him. He asked if anyone is going to tell him that impression is horrible. Ronnie said he sounds just like him. He said he's that guy from Long Island. Mike said it's the worst. Mike asked if he can do any good impressions. Ronnie said he can do this one. Mike said ''crickets, crickets, crickets.''
Howard said a lot of people think they're entertaining together. He said the guy who does a great impression of Mike is Steve Nowicki. Howard had him do his impression. Steve did his impression and Howard had him talk to Mike as Mike. Steve's impression was really good compared to Ronnie's. Howard asked Mike to talk to Steve as himself. The two Mikes went back and forth talking about Ronnie.
Howard let the two of them go for a couple of minutes. He said this is good. Ronnie said he doesn't know who's who. Howard let Steve do more of the impression and asked Mike if he has anything to say. Mike was talking about what Ronnie would wear to work and goofed on his matching the shirt to his suit.
Howard said Chris Wilding claims he does a good Mike too. Howard had him do his impression. Chris did his impression and it was good too. They had 3 Mike Pearlmans going at the same time.
Howard said he has to move on to talk to Machine Gun Kelly. He said he loves all the Mike Pearlmans and Ronnie. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he's happy to have Machine Gun Kelly on the show again. He said things are blowing up for him. He said his whole band is there with them. He said they're good looking boys. Howard asked what he's calling him these days. He asked if he can call him Machine. Kelly said his name is Colson but he can call him Machine. He said last time he was on he was wasted. Howard said he knows. He said it's hard for a musician to wake up so early to do this show. He said he knows he had just gotten out of bed. He said he felt like he met the real Machine Gun Kelly.
Howard asked if it matters to him how the band looks. Colson said he screens them all by making them take their shirts off. He said he was kidding and he doesn't do that. He said they've been friends for a long time.
Howard asked how the writing process works for them. Colson told Howard about how they do their thing and said they've been friends for a long time.
Howard said he was going to ask how they write a song. He said he had just come from Post Malone's house when he was on the show. Colson said that explains why he was wasted. He said he got stitches later that day in his hand for throwing knives.
Howard said he was watching him in the Jackass movie and he was thinking about how he's going to fuck himself up doing that stuff. He said he was thinking that he could ruin his career if he got fucked up. He said he thought he might get himself killed. Colson said that they told him he wouldn't feel anything and they smacked him so hard into a pool that was so cold. He said they tested it on another guy and they boosted the power to hit him even harder.
Howard said Colson asked to be fucked up and not let him off lightly. Colson said he was supposed to be in the mime sketch and get bitten by the snake. He said he's glad that one didn't work out. Howard asked if he has a death wish. Colson said he and Megan have this thing where they think they should go out in a blaze of glory if they can't see each other. He said it's not a real thing and they're not going to do that.
Howard said he saw that he and Megan drank each other's blood and he was thinking about this 5150 song and how he must see this relationship. He asked what that's about. Colson said this was the first son that he wrote for this album and they were at a dangerous time in their relationship. He said they did Ayahuasca and things like that and things were coming into play from his childhood that he hadn't dealt with. He said it forms you in ways and it's because you're fucked up.
Howard said he's glad he went into therapy after the last time he was on the show. He said he asked about that and he said he hadn't tried it. He said his mom left him when he was 9. Colson said he and his mother reconnected and he regrets the way he painted that picture. He said that was him still acting like the 9 year old that was still mad. He said he grew up with his cousin whose dad died. He said he ended up going to an institution and no one explained it to him why he was gone. He said he thought of him as a big brother and no one told him what was going on. He said then he broke out of the institution and showed up to steal his grandmother's car. He said that they took him back to the institution and he lost him again. He said his mother said she tried to reach out to him but she was being kept from him. He said there was a lot of things going on that he didn't know about so he's not happy with the way he reacted to her. He said he has to live with regret and he's grateful that he had the chance to see her and hear her truth. He said he wants her to have that respect now. He said he feels he's tarnishing something with her.
Howard said he has to ask him about this. He said he thinks he's been through a lot of shit. He said when his mom shows up he must be like a ball of anger. He said he would be like that. He asked how his mom got through to him to give her side of the story. Colson said the fans did. He said his dad died and he had a safe that he went into. He said he went to the storage unit and the battery was broke on the safe. He said they opened the safe and inside they had letters from his mom to his father and the other way. He said it was beautiful. He said it showed him that it was like he wanted him to see him for the him before the alcohol took over his life. He said he saw him the way he was when they fell in love. He said he had tweeted about that and someone found his mother's email and told him to contact her. He said she sent him an email and he felt like it was the right time so they met up and he cried.
Howard said it had to be hard not having his mom. He said he must have felt like maybe he did something wrong and blamed himself. He said that's what 9 year olds do. He said his life wasn't easy. He said he had a tough life. He said he admires him going to therapy and getting in touch with all that shit. He said a lot of guys won't do that.
Howard asked how he chose a therapist. Colson said it was tough. He said he went through a lot of therapists. Howard asked what it was that was wrong with them. Colson said it was the constant ''But tell me...'' He said he needed to be reconstructed because his wire were off. He said he had to be called out and have someone tell him what to do. He said he went through a lot of therapists. He said he did a lot. He said he did Ayahuasca and had all kinds of other things going on with leaches and stuff like that.
Howard asked if he's completely clean now. Colson said he is. He said that he couldn't believe the smell that came out of his liver from the leaches. Howard asked what he thinks that is. He asked if it's the drugs and shit he held in or what. Colson said he thinks that it might be hereditary. He said his father died of liver cirrhosis . He said he drank himself to death. He said he thinks maybe he took some of that from his father. He said he ha done a lot in his life so maybe that's where that stuff came from.
Howard asked if he's still drinking. Colson said he is. He said it's much more controlled now though.
Howard asked if he's shocked he didn't end up in jail. Colson said his dad was there to lay down the law for him. Howard said that song he did about his dad was something. He said he did that on Saturday Night Live and he was shocked he got though it. Colson said it was called ''Lonely.'' Howard said that was a rough one. He said he got to know his dad and then he died. Colson said his dad didn't like his tattoos. He said he would get them at his friend's house. He said that he got into a fight with his dad and he accused him of killing his cousin. He said he was going off on him about that and then took his shirt off and he saw his tattoos. He said he remembers the look he had and he lost his mind over that. He said it's so interesting and full circle. He said on his death bed he showed him that he had gotten a tattoo. He said his dad went to rehab and they reconnected because of a fan in rehab. He said he had a lyric or his face on him and he asked why. He said the kid told him he related to him and his lyrics. He said he saw him in a whole different way. He said he thinks his dad emailed him and everything was good from that point on.
Howard said that song is really beautiful about his dad. He said you should go listen to it if you don't know the song. He said he got to the point where his dad got him and his music. He said that he finally had a parent and then he died. He said it's final and you never see him again. He said he'd trade his success to have more time with him. He said it's a great love song. He said it gave him the chills. He said he was pissed that Saturday Night Live fucked it up with the lighting rig. Colson said that song was about his aunt too. He said she was a big supporter of his. He said she would tell people to check out his music. He said she'd have his CD's there next to her register and she'd try to sell them. He said that he felt like the lighting rig went out because he really didn't need it. He said they told him like 10 seconds before he went out there. He said he didn't know what to think. He said that guitar solo that they did for that song was something he'll never forget. He said they were all very locked in at that moment. Howard said it really moved him.
Howard said he was glad he went into therapy because he's suffered do much loss. He said that he was thinking about him two times recently. He said he was thinking about him when Will Smith smacked Chris Rock. He said he thought of him because he's a guy who is working really hard. He said he's putting out a lot of music and things are going well for him. He said he has this incredible fiancee and he's good looking and he's on a roll. He asked if people fuck with him over jealousy. Colson said all the time. Howard said it must be unbelievable. He said he hopes he has security because people must be envious of him. Colson said it's its own plague. Howard said you must want to say to them that he had nothing handed to him. He said he worked his ass off. Colson said it blows his mind. He said he has been working at this for over 10 years and you can see his name was out there back then but not high on the list of the concerts they were playing. He said they think he's new to the scene but they've been around a long time. He said that he's not new to the scene. Colson said they quoted him saying something in an article about his life and they were pointing out that he was sitting next to his infinity pool. He said that he had to work for that. He said it didn't just come to him.
Howard said he sees them as a hard working band. He said he admires what they're doing. Colson said he likes how he talks saying they're putting out fresh shit. Howard said it is fresh. He said things are weird now and it's not an easy life for a band to hit the dream. He said that he can imagine people see him with Megan Fox and they get jealous or think he doesn't have the credibility. He said he won a rap award at the Apollo when he was just 14. Colson said some of it blows his mind because it's journalists who don't do the research but report on him. He said they're not researching the facts. He said this magazine used to be respectable to him but not anymore. He said they put out stuff about him that just wasn't right. He said the other day they said that he was supposed to get to number 1 and people got mad that he was doing well so they were claiming he was buying his streams. He said he has the same team and they don't even know how to do that. He said they would have been doing that 6 albums ago. He said that Madison Square Garden sells out in a day so they must be buying those tickets too. He said just let it be and stop. He said the people have spoken so just let it be. He said tyrants don't win. He said there are so many people who are so into hating. He said the masses don't agree. He said it's coming to an end and you have to stop. He said he has thick skin. He said he actually doesn't but he has people he can go to and talk to about it. He said the next person who comes along like that may not have that and they may take their own life from what people say. He said we've seen too many people do that. He said he doesn't need money and he makes music because he loves doing that. He said that he didn't want to call the album ''mainstream sellout'' but he had to. He said it's music and he's a human. He said this isn't a pop machine. He said he's six albums in and he hasn't been nominated for a Grammy. He said those things just started happening. He said they do it for their fans. He said someone out there in the crowd is crying and they needed this. He said that he asks you to be cautious for other artists. He said it hurts him and they could drive someone else insane. He said he's glad he has a friend like Pete who he can call and talk to about this stuff. He said they can get mad or laugh about it. He said when you're heartless to someone it can hurt. He said if you respect someone's life then stop it. He said he wants to be judged on how he has grown and not on what he did in the past. He said that his cells are reproducing every 7 years so he's a completely different person than he was 7 years ago.
Howard said he loves musicians and he saw an example of this stuff directed toward him. He said he saw a video of a guy who was accusing him of not really playing his guitar. He said he saw that he called him out on it. He said that the guy apologized for it after that. He said that he dealt with it very well. He said he thought of him during the Chris Rock thing. He said he thinks if Will had come up to smack him he would have knocked him on his ass. Colson said that he likes will and Jada. He said he won't bad mouth them at all. He said he has nothing negative to say at all about him. Howard said he's just thinking he wouldn't take shit from anyone. Colson said for sure. Colson said he doesn't want to get into all of that about Will and Chris. He said he was just defending his family.
Howard said he was thinking about Taylor Hawkins too. He said he was a great musician. Colson said that he would like to speak to his kids if they ever see this. He said two nights before they were in Paraguay and they had a monsoon happen. He said their show got canceled. He said that day was the day the Foo Fighters were playing with them. He said Dave came to watch the show. He said that they went to sound check and they built speakers just so they could hear from the side of the stage. He said they were so excited. He said then the rain came and he got the call that the shows were canceled. He said he was texting Dave and he asked them to come over to hang out on the rooftop. He said they were in the lobby of the hotel and they were like 20 deep. He said he wasn't sure if they could have that many people there. He said they walked up and all 20 walked up and Taylor, Dave and the whole group were there. He said Taylor went up to every single one of them and gave them each a moment. He said every single one of them. He said his assistant was there and Taylor was talking to his assistant and talking to him about playing Tommy in the Motley Crue movie. He said he was relating on that and he was just so proud of his own kids. He said Taylor was so bright and they were all tripping out about it. He said he stopped at every single person. Howard said he was a great guy. Colson said it was so great hanging out with these legends that night. He said the last thing Taylor said to them was that he was so bummed he didn't get to see them play. He said he really wants to thank him and let his kids know that he made them feel special. He said it's when the outside world was coming at them and he made them feel so loved and so confident. He said their father was a great man. He said they were all lucky to know him. He said they all appreciate that night more than you'll ever know.
Howard said he hears him. He said that they take so much shit and they have someone like that give them that nod. He said it changes everything for you. He said it makes it all seem worthwhile. He said he sees how moved he is by that.
Howard said he didn't know that Taylor was back on the drug thing. He asked if that affected him at all. Colson said he doesn't even associate those things. He said it was just his time to transition.
Howard said that Ayahuasca thing is pretty intense and he wonders if you learn something from it or is it a waste of time. Colson said one night he lived 3 lifetimes in one night. He said he had a crystal with him that was there to keep him stable. He said he lived his whole life lonely and begging on the street in that lifetime. He said he had love but all people saw was a beggar. Howard said he had to beg for his father's love. He said that's where that comes from. He said he probably felt like someone had to give him something. Colson said he never interpreted that one. He said it was ironic that he was looking down on the world. He said that's a good way to interpret it.
Robin said that she thinks that he could live his life that way or choose another path.
Howard asked if Megan had a heavy experience too. Colson said the second night was intense for her. Howard asked if he'd recommend that to other people. Colson said he would. He said that there's so much going on out there and he'd encourage people to try it out. He said at least check out this movie about this tribe in South America where they tell you what we've done to these people. He said we've killed thousands of people for gold mining and things like that. He said they still take us into their homes and heal us. He said he was around Peruvian Shamen who don't speak English and they weren't judging him. He said that culture is saving people and we're killing them. He said that fucks him up thinking about that happening. He said we need magic in our lives. He said we have to go back to our ways of respecting our lands and our cultures and people.
Howard asked when the wedding is happening and is he invited. Colson said he is invited but they don't have dates yet. Howard asked if it's going to be wild or low key. Colson said two halves have two opinions. Howard asked if Pete Davidson will be his best man. Colson said he thinks his side is going to be an army. He said he has so many friends and Pete will be standing there with him. He said they should mic him for commentary.
Howard said he doesn't have best friends like he does. He said they went to see Dave Chappelle and they all went to his mom's birthday party and smoked weed. He said that sounds like the greatest bromance of the year. He said it's great. Colson said it is. He said he's blessed. Howard said it all seems to wild to be hanging out with Pete and Kim and all of that. He said it's just wild. Colson said he thinks about that too.
Colson told Howard about going to a movie theater and renting it out and he was praising this movie they were going to see. He said it turned out that the movie wasn't that good. He said they didn't want to be there. Howard said they rented out a movie theater and he got blamed for the movie. Colson said they were laughing about it. He said he gets very kid like and they were just laughing about it.
Howard said Colson has to take a lot of shit from people. He said he has people who are there for him which is great. He asked if he's there for Pete when people are shitting on him. Colson said totally. He said he got thrown into that whole Kanye thing too. He said they're just young men trying to find their place in the world. He said they have a lot of things ripping them apart. He said it's not easy. He said they have so much love that it's good. He said if they have to be the vessels for people's anger then so be it.
Howard said he found it funny that Kanye's daughter was singing a Machine Gun Kelly song. Colson said if she enjoys it then it's good for her. He said it's all positive and it's love.
Howard said he saw a video Colson did with Avril Lavigne and he saw him smoking in that. He asked if smoking fucks up his voice. He saw him light up a cigarette a few seconds before. Colson said yeah but he's not there with a great voice. He said he's a song writer and a lyricist and he doesn't care how he sounds. He said he cares about the lyrics. He said it's the same with rap. He said that's why DMX was so prolific. He said he had great lyrics. He said the song writing is what matters to him. He said it's not so much how he sounds.
Howard said he wishes he could sing and be in a band. He said if he could sing like anyone he would want to be like Stevie Wonder or Prince. He said their voices are mind blowing. He asked Colson if he wishes he could sound like someone who would it be. Colson said Prince is the guy but he also loves Andre 3000. Howard asked where he is. Colson said he's in a room somewhere not caring what people think about him. He said Megan is great because she doesn't read anything and she doesn't care what people think. He said he wishes he could be like that.
Colson said he was on Kimmel earlier today. He said the hours Howard is on are nuts so it's still the same day to him. He said he went out and asked people what they think about Machine Gun Kelly. He said they had to go to so many people to get one person to have a hateful comment and it wasn't even that hateful. He said the harshest thing was someone saying that he tries too hard to be blonde. He said that was the harshest thing. He said the internet is this one room that's so fake. Howard asked why he reads it then. Colson said he doesn't know and Howard sounds like Megan asking.
Colson said he needs to change directions. He said he only sees the love. He said he has to grow. Howard said he's seeking approval from the trolls. He said you'll never get it from them.
Howard said when he was starting out in radio he had people saying that he sucked and he was nothing. Colson said he saw his movie and he sees what he went through. He said he's got a unique style. He said it's an honor to be on his show so they love it when they get the invitation. He said that he isn't asking for everything to be positive.
Howard asked Colson about why KoRn is one of his favorite bands. Colson said in 5th grade it was just something about them that was raw and it was like a culture shift at the time. He said it was just something new.
Howard asked why Limb Bizkit was one of his favorites. Colson said it's great that they got to tour with them. He said he grew up listening to them and then h gets to tour with them.
Howard said he wanted to bring up the Video Music Awards and Megan came out to introduce him and she called him ''Daddy.'' Howard said he thought that was hot. He said he wishes his wife would do that. He said he wanted to marry her right then and there. Howard asked if she does that at home. Colson said absolutely. Howard said he loves that.
Howard said Megan said these are our baby daddy's coming out. He said that means they're going to have a baby. He asked if the rumor is true that they have the baby's heartbeat on the album. Colson said it's a very sad thing that happened with them. He said it was a thing he put in there for her. He said he tried to make it something for her as a love letter in time.
Howard asked what brand those cigarettes are. Colson said it's no brand. He said it was grown by native Americans without the carcinogens in the tobacco. Howard said he has to get in with him and hang out with him.
Howard asked what's the next cool thing that he should be doing. Colson said he'll roll him a cigarette and he can come pick it up. Howard said he's not sure how to even get that. He said he'd have to leave the house.
Howard said the guys are going to do a song called 5150 which is code for someone who is kind of crazy. Colson said that he has been called crazy so the song is about telling people to stay away from you. He said The Beatles said a lot of things with their songs and now rap is like that. He said that's why he's so into rap.
Howard said it must be mind blowing to try to come up with a new song. Colson said absolutely.
Howard introduced the band who were being very patient with him. He said there's Steve on bass, Rook on drums, Slim on keyboards and he used to be Colson's roommate. He said he must have seen his penis before. Slim said he did. Howard said he must have been impressed. He asked what he was like as a roommate. He asked if he was sloppy or orderly. Slim said he was sloppy but a good roommate. He said they had beds so close that he'd just wake up and ask if he was going to school that day. He said he'd put the blanket over his head.
Howard asked how it worked when he had women over. Slim said he just let him do his thing. He said you have to read the room. Howard asked if he was respectful of him. Slim said sometimes he was. He said he'd knock on the door sometime or scream outside the door.
Howard said over on guitar is Justin. He asked how many years he had to practice to get that good. He asked how long he'd have to do it to get as good as he is. Justin said he plays every day. He said he does it for himself. Howard asked who the best guitar player was of all time. Justin said for him it was Prince. He told Howard a story about how he had a dream about Prince the day he died and he hadn't heard anything about him before he went to sleep. He said the next day he heard that he had passed away. He said it was very special to him.
Howard asked if there was a Price riff that Justin listened to that he had to get right. Justin said that he was into B.B. King when he was growing up so that's a lot of what he was listening to. Howard asked what he does from B.B. King to warm up. Justin played something for him. Howard said that's nice. He said B.B. was so relaxed. Justin said he was so soulful. Howard asked if he named his guitar Lucille. Justin said he didn't go that far.
Howard said this is the song 5150. He had the guys perform their song. After the song Howard said that was very nice. Colson thanked him. Howard said he says he's heartless, jealous and a narcissist. Howard said everyone in show business has to be a narcissist.
Howard asked what that coat is he's wearing. Colson said its a Dolce & Gabbana coat. Howard asked if he gets it for free. Colson said he could because he's the face for Dolce. Howard said that's great. He said he likes how he's going sock less. He said he tried that but his feet ended up smelling really bad. Colson said he doesn't sweat that much so he doesn't have a stink. Howard said he read that he wouldn't shower in the tour bus and he would wait until the next day to shower. He said he didn't stink. Colson said he showered in the hotels and used to do that in the truck stops.
Howard said this coat is nice and he got it free because he's the face of Dolce & Gabbana. Colson said that's right. Howard asked him to hook him up with something like that. He said he thinks he'd look good in that coat.
Howard said the guys are going to do a cover song today and they don't do it much. Colson said they have done covers. He said he used to do Blink 182 songs and that's wild because he works so close with Travis Barker now.
Howard asked if Colson works out at all. Colson said not at all. He said he doesn't eat right and doesn't eat much. He said he drinks coffee and smokes cigarettes. Howard said he wants to get ripped like he is. Howard said clothing must be important to him. He said that he always has a look. He said that's why the people at Dolce want him. He asked if they pay him for this or is it just an honor. Colson said you get paid. Howard said that has to be sweet. He said he wishes he could do something like that. He said no one would ever ask him to be the face of their company.
Howard said today they're going to cover a System of a Down song. He said they used to play their stuff at K-Rock when he was working there.
Colson told Howard he heard one of their songs once and a UFO shot right in front of him when the song was over. Howard asked if he believes in life on other planets. Colson said 1000 percent. Howard said he doesn't at all. He said he thinks we're alone here. He said that they would have shown up already if they were around. Colson said that he must be tripped out by the technology that came around in the 19th century. He said it's wild stuff and it doesn't just come around so easy. He said he thinks that aliens brought the tech here. Howard said he doesn't think there's any aliens out there. Colson said that people can't even handle it if he changes genres of music. He said if an alien showed up they'd go crazy.
Howard said if he were an alien he'd want to land here and get all the chicks he can get and be worshiped by people. Robin said they may not look like us. Howard said come on. Colson said there are ancient groups that had paintings of aliens. He said they all have these drawings that reflect the same thing. He said he thinks there's something there. He said maybe they came and went.
Howard said he has to hang with him and see what's happening at his house. He said their women will get along and they'll be like Pete and Kim. He asked if he has a pool. Colson said he does. Howard said they can hang at the pool.
Howard asked Colson if he would ever perform Aerials in concert. Colson said they've never even done it before. He said they asked for a cover so this is what they're going to do.
Howard said if he comes to his house he eats at 4 and it's lights out at 7. He told him to tell Megan that. Howard asked the guys to do their thing and perform Aerials by System of a Down.
After the song Howard said holy shit. He said they just threw that together. Colson said they did that in like an hour. Howard said he's going to give them a raise. He said he has to up their salary. He said they have to do that in concert. He said it works. Colson said that's the second time they ever played it. Howard asked how long it took to learn that guitar riff. The guys said they got it down pretty quick.
Robin asked if that was a good feeling. Colson said they like it to be purely in the moment. Howard said you have to listen to the masters as you're growing up and practice playing what they played. He said he doesn't have time for that. He said they sounded beautiful. He said that's not an easy song to do.
Howard said the guys look like they're about to pass out. He said he's kept them long enough. Howard asked if they're the Machine Gun Kelly band or what. Colson said they are known as Machine Gun Kelly.
Howard said that the album was almost called ''Born with Horns'' but then he changed the name of it after getting a tattoo of that. Colson said he went to Greece and had an epiphany and changed it. Howard played some of the new song ''Born with Horns'' and said he's happy they came in and promoted the album. He said he's the only one who can call him Machine. Colson said Howard and Young Thug can call him that. Howard gave him some plugs for the album ''mainstream sellout'' and asked if he has anything else to say. Colson thanked the fans for being there for them and having their back.
Howard said he loves his fans and he heard he went to visit one fan 3 hours when he was in the hospital. Colson said the guy he visited is no longer with us but that visit meant something special to him. He said he heard from the kid's doctor at another hospital he was in. He said he hopes he added something to his life. Howard said he's sure he did. Howard said he'd go 3 hours out of his way to avoid his fans. He said he's not like Machine Gun Kelly.
Howard said they were great and next time he'll ask about the time he shot Steve-O in the ass with BBs so he could get a tattoo. He said there's other things they didn't cover today that he'll ask about next time. He asked what he's doing today. Colson said he's going to be promoting the album today.
Howard said he has to ask about so many things. He said he wants to talk about couples massages like Colson and Megan get together. He asked if he'd let him in the room while the do that. He said next time they get together they'll do that. He said they can get massages and he'll hand them towels. Howard thanked them again for doing the show. He let them go after that. He said he kept them on for 2 hours.
Howard took a call from Ralph who was laughing and saying that there's no way Howard could hang with Machine Gun Kelly. He said Howard would be out of there in a minute. Howard said he's probably right. He said he wants to believe that he could hang but he probably can't. Ralph said he's not sure he could even last there. Howard spent a little more time with Ralph before wrapping up and letting him go. Howard said next week they have the Red Hot Chili Peppers coming in. He said that's on Tuesday. He said on Wednesday they have Amy Schumer coming in. He ended the show around 11:00am.