Howard and the guys were back live this morning. Howard started the show talking about how difficult it is to take time off. He said the whole world is changing as they're away. He said he was going to come back on during their week off but he came to his senses and didn't do it. He said they'll discuss all of that today. He said he has a technical issue. He said Robin is talking and it's coming over his speakers. It was fixed a few seconds later.
Howard said the rumors are true that Fred is a woman now and he will be known as Freddie. He said he has been denying his identity for years and it turns out he's transsexual. He said he was considering Freida or Frederica. He said she's wearing a dress today. He said that he's proud of the voice he has so he won't be changing it. Howard said he's every bit a woman to him. He said his voice isn't a turn off at all. Fred said he's like Beatrice Arthur. Howard said he looks kind of like her now that he's a woman.
Howard said he supports her journey. Freddie said he put collagen in his labia too. Howard said he has to pretend to be a woman in some way. He said he's not doing it at all. Freddie asked him to give him a break because he's a lady. He said he has no history with this.
Howard said Fred is a MILF now. He said he was talking to her over the weekend and he was saying they have to send him to finishing school now that he's a woman. Fred said he needs some charm school. Howard said they can do that and make a movie out of it. He said he knew Fred was a woman when they were in Hartford. He said he never said anything about it. He said he knew she was thirsting for his love. Howard said he's proud of him.
Howard said in all seriousness, that's not true. He said he's thinking of forcing him to become a woman. He said that's not true at all. Robin said there's a movie with Antonio Banderas where he's a plastic surgeon and he turns a man into a woman. Howard asked how she didn't tell him about that. He said this is the greatest thing ever. He said he's never heard of that.
Howard said Robin has watched everything on TV. Robin said she saw that years ago. She said it was long before COVID. Howard said he's sure the guys are looking it up.
Howard asked Robin if the guy who turned into a woman was played by a woman. Robin said it was a man. She said she was beautiful. Howard asked if it's the same actor who played her as a man. Robin said she's trying to think. She said it was a long time ago. Howard asked how you forget that. Howard said the movie is called The Skin I Live In. Robin said yes. Howard said guys are such pigs. He said that the guy killed his daughter and he wanted to fuck the guy. He said you kill the guy, not want to fuck him. He said the guy killed the character's daughter.
Howard said he has to end the show now and go watch this movie. Robin said the movie is a foreign film so he has to read some subtitles. Howard said he needs the English rights to it so he can put it out.
Howard said Robin should be punished for not telling him about it. Robin said it was so eerie and controversial that no one wanted to touch it. Howard was laughing about the film. He said no wonder they made it a foreign film. He said he can imagine the executives here having the same reaction as they did when he pitched Fartman.
Howard asked if they fuck. Robin said here is a sex scene. Howard asked if you see anything. Robin said she can't remember. She said they had to be careful because the guy had a new vagina. Howard said he imagines if he enters Fred it'll be painful for both of them.
Howard said what's interesting about Robin is that she came in and talked about this movie ''Hitch'' that she thought was the greatest thing ever. He said she talked about that on the air but nothing about this movie. He said he can't believe she never told him about this.
Howard took a call from one of the staffers who was playing the part of the woman in the movie. Howard bailed on that bit pretty quick.
Howard asked Robin about the movie and what went on. Howard said the movie got 81 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. He said that's high. Robin said the movie is well made and a great story. Howard read the description of the movie and laughed as he read it.
Howard said this is the greatest. He asked how you write a movie like that. He said that you have to go pitch it after you write it. Robin said this guy who directed it made some great movies before that one and he must have been given the opportunity to make one he really wanted to. Robin told Howard more about the movie and what happened in it.
Howard said MrSkin.com gave the movie 3 stars. He said at 8 minutes and 10 seconds in they show the daughter's nice butt on screen. Robin said the girl is dead in that scene. Howard said he thinks what they're saying is that when the guy became a girl there's a lot of footage. He said he's not sure what's going on there.
Howard said Ronnie can kind of get away with it because of who he is on the show. He said he could tell the grandkids that this is what he does for a living. He said what if you meet a girl and they check out your account. He said you're fucked because they see that you're a perv. Howard said Ronnie is a character though so he gets away with it. Howard ran down some of the names of the women that Ronnie follows. He asked how you explain that to normal people. Ronnie said he wouldn't be so involved with that if he wasn't on the show. Howard said he has that excuse. He said here are regular guys who want to date regular women and if they follow this shit then its hard. He said that's what he's trying to say.
Ronnie asked why he's so obsessed with him. Howard asked how he can't be. He said he should turn him into a woman. Ronnie said he'd like to try that. He said he's said that before.
Howard said he loves Ronnie. Ronnie said he loves him too. Howard said he has to get those ass and tittie pictures out there. Ronnie said he did that this morning before the show.
Howard said his mom would serve him and he wouldn't do it himself. He said he'd end up getting his dad something if he was over visiting. He said he was the one hopping to like his mom. He said he became his mother. He said he was completely capable of doing it himself. He said he would never do that to Beth. He said he sees it as love in some way though. He said it's weird.
Howard said it's depressing with his mother not doing well. He said he's on the phone with doctors all the time. He said that he used to say god forbid if his mother goes before his father. He said he's having a party and she's the one not doing well. He said he feels bad for his mother because she worries about his father. He said that his dad hasn't missed a beat though. He said he doesn't tell her that though. He said he's doing fine.
Howard said his dad had this move down. He said his mother had to go away for a day or so and she put his father in charge of making dinner. He said he had to heat up a can of corn. He said his father opened it up and said ''here's dinner.'' He said the guy was so smart that he pretended to be incompetent to get out of making dinner again. He said that his mother never let him do that again.
Howard said his father mowed the lawn and made the money. He said his mother was the home maker.
Howard said Sal was telling him about his parents and how they're like his parents. He said it was Sal's mom's birthday and she still had to serve Sal's dad his dinner. He said it was her birthday and she still had to do that. Robin said he's like the worst husband. She said he should have the dinner thrown at him.
Howard said when the had thanksgiving his dad would sit there and wait for his meal. He said he would have them serve him. Robin said he was like that King Joffy Joffers. Howard said she's right. He said he was like that.
Gary said he saw this first hand with his father in law. He said they'd go there for dinner and the father in law had direct sight to the TV to watch the game. He said Mary would have steam coming out of her head. He said his father n law would ask his wife for stuff and not get up and get it himself. He said he wasn't a bad guy but he did that kind of stuff.
Robin said she was thinking about Howard having Beth cutting his toe nails. She said that her mother used to have to do that for her father. She said she remembers seeing that.
Howard said he has to have Beth do that for a legitimate reason. He said he's back to doing it himself now.
Howard asked Sal about what happened. Sal said they had this elaborate dinner and their mom was helping them. He said his dad was sitting at the table with his arms crossed. He said they had it buffet style and they had 8 people there. He said that his mother had to make his dad his plate. Howard said Sal's dad cheated on his mom and this is still going on.
Howard said he's not sure he likes this new hair style. Sal said it's just easier to slick it back. Howard said he should turn Sal into a woman.
Sal said his grandfather used to make his mother button his pajamas. He said that he lived with them for a while and he saw it going on. He said his grandmother would pull up his pants and put on his shirt and buttoned it for him. He said it was really weird. Howard said its like slowly reverting to a baby. Sal said he'd also send his grandmother out of the house during a Yankee game because she was a distraction and he thought she was jinxing the game. Howard got a laugh out of that. Sal explained that story to Howard and how they had to leave her out in the dark during the game. Sal said his dad was a tough guy but he'd crumble in front of his dad.
Howard asked Sal if he had any of his half siblings over to the house for this birthday. Sal said they did have one over. He said his mother has a love for this woman because of the abuse she had to deal with growing up.
Sal said his grandfather had bad hips so he had a cane. He said he'd drive them to school. He said that one day the guy left the cane on his car and drove off and it fell off. He said he made his grandmother walk a block to get his cane and bring it back to him.
Sal said his grandfather would call his father racist names when he'd insult him. He said it was very strange. He said one day he asked his mother why he did that. He said that she explained to him what those names meant. Howard said when people say MAGA this is what they mean.
Howard said Julie is so proud of that Moonves name now. He said he'd be irate if he was in that house. He said that she has taken a bigger fall from grace than the rest of them. He said Carson Kressley is on the show and he's a mess. Howard asked JD about the show and his connection was awful. Howard said they can have JD on as Robo JD. Robin said his chair behind him is like a space chair. Howard said he's like an air traffic controller. Howard told him to get his microphone fixed.
Howard said the guys were saying that you can't burn the stuff on camera in Richard's house. He said they have some alternate things to do with that jersey and cap. He said they'll do it all later in the show. He said they may have him cut it up and maybe write ''sucks'' under Kansas City Chiefs. He said that might be better than burning it. Robin said she wasn't that interested in this after JD's cock was out of the deal. Howard said now they were so ready for Richard to see JD's cock that they didn't think about the other thing.
Howard said he really doesn't care about football. He said a few years ago they were worried about the concussions causing the players to get Alzheimer's years later. He said he thought they were going to do away with the game. He said that Jon Bon Jovi was trying to buy the Bills and he asked him if he really wanted to be part of that. He said Jon really wanted that team.
Howard asked Richard what he thinks happened to Kansas City in the second half of that game. Richard said he's not sure. He said it's like an energy vampire just sucked the life out of Mahomes. Howard said he thinks that when you have such a lead you let your guard down or something. Richard said he agrees. He said going into that half they had a good chance to score again.
Howard said he might have to do this now. He said everyone was thinking that JD had no chance of winning this bet. JD said he was ready to give in and show his cock to Richard. He said he was thinking about how he'd have to fluff himself or something when he got on with Richard.
Howard said people were talking about the bet on radio. He had a montage of people talking about it. He played the clip where a bunch of sports talk radio people were talking about the bet.
Chris Wilding got on and said he wanted to hear Richard talk about JD's penis. He said he has the feeling he has a big one. He said someone sent him a photoshopped photo of JD with a big cock and he has jerked off to that. He said he thinks he has a big dick. Howard said he has the same thing as Pete from Saturday Night Live. He said he has big dick energy. Chris said he does have that feeling. He said he knows in his bones that JD has a big one too. Howard asked if he wants to fuck JD. Chris said he would like to blow him in his fantasy. Howard said they have a new bet here. Chris said if JD had a big cock it would put him over the edge and he would blow him.
Howard asked if Chris would blow Mediated Pete. Chris said his personality is so bad and the mouth thing he wouldn't be able to get beyond. He said JD is better in that way.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Fake George Takei who said he was looking forward to hearing about JD's penis. He said he became very interested in football when that bet came about.
Howard said they do have to get to the bet part where Richard has to burn the jersey and cap. He said that they have to come up with something other than burning them.
Howard asked Richard about the game and gave a recap of the game himself. Howard went over what happened in the game and how the Chiefs blew it. Howard said the Bengals won the game.
Howard said he has some interesting tape. He said JD broke down crying again when they hit their game winning field goal. Howard played the clip and said that JD has a weird cry. He said maybe he should transition. In the clip JD broke down kind of laugh/crying when the Bengals won. Howard said that's weird.
Howard said JD knows the show so well. He said he just told them to stop recording because he had snot running out of his nose.
Howard said he's not sure he'd cry that much when COVID is over. Howard said he heard that JD punched a wall when the team wasn't doing that well. JD's wife wasn't happy about that. JD said he didn't punch a hole in the wall or anything. Howard had more audio of JD breaking down during the post game celebrations. He was still laugh/crying and making weird snorting noises.
Howard said JD called his dad after the game. Robin asked if he was a mess too. JD said not while they were on the phone. He said they kept it together.
Richard said JD says the name wrong. He said it's Bengals, not ''bangles.'' He told him how to pronounce it.
Howard said JD grunts and groans in a weird way. He said he's like a caveman. He played a montage of JD's odd noises they got during the game. Robin asked what that is. George said that's like he and Brad when they wrestle.
Howard played some audio of JD calling his dad after the game. They were talking about how surprised they were that the came back in the second half. JD's dad couldn't believe it. He sounded like he was about to cry.
Howard asked if Robin ever thought that she'd ever hear JD say that he hit the wall and his wife yelled at him. Robin said she never would have imagined that.
Howard said Richard's dad and Richard had the opposite conversation. He played a clip of Richard's dad leaving a message for Richard. He was asking what the hell happened in that game. He said it looks like he won't get to look at a dick now. He said he's sorry that he'll have to burn his stuff now.
Howard said Richard had a tough time listening to that. Richard said he's had this hat for a long time. He said it bums him out.
Robin asked JD if his dad said thank god he didn't have to show his dick. JD said they didn't talk about that at all.
Howard said it was odd how Richard's dad was upset for his son not getting to see dick. He said that's very nice of him.
Howard said he would never think of calling his dad after a game like that. He said he has father envy hearing that. JD said he had a few drinks in him so he was letting anything flow.
Howard said that was the big game and then they had the Richard bet. He said it's kind of weird but Richard has this hat and jersey that mean something to him. Richard said they mean a lot to him. He said his wife got him this jersey. He said his wife got him the jersey as a joke. He said the hat he's had from the 90s or so.
Howard said he heard that Michael Rapaport was harassing JD early in the game. JD said he was and he got a voice text that was very creepy. Howard had audio of that message where Rapaport was goofing on JD about them losing and how he'd have to show his cock to Richard.
Howard said Jon Blitt was there with JD so that's how they got the audio. He said JD had lost all hope in the first half of the game and it was brutal to watch. Howard asked what this chair is that JD is sitting in. JD said its a gaming chair. He said its just a comfortable chair to sit in. Fake George said that it looks like a chair William Shatner would sit in. Howard said it looks like a chair a guy would sit in to jerk off in.
Howard asked Richard if he would have passed down that shirt and hat to his sons. Richard said yes. He said it bums him out that he has to destroy this hat and jersey. He said he thought he was going to hand them down to him. Howard said it would be nice if JD let him off the hook and didn't make him destroy this stuff. Howard said the chair has Bengals stripes on it. JD said it's red though.
Howard said it's too bad that Richard has to destroy this stuff. He said they came up with other ideas to destroy the stuff. He said one of the guys said that the should make him piss all over the stuff but they figured he'd just put it back on.
Howard said he was going to ask Jon Blitt what happened with JD. He wasn't there though. JD said they had some champagne there and he was thinking if he did that he'd have luck again since that's what happened last time. He said he had wine too.
Jon Blitt got on to talk about what went on over there. He said JD was very nervous about the game. He said it was like watching a bear eating salmon in the wild. He said you don't want to get him angry so you watch from the side.
Howard said he sees this chair that JD has and it's a GTR chair. He said that's like a racing chair. JD said it is but it's just for video games.
Howard said there are some ideas he has for this jersey and cap. He said that they can cut the stuff up and then pour paint on it. He said he was thinking he would have to cut them up and then use the remnants as toilet paper. Richard said he's up for whatever they want him to do. Howard said he likes them cutting it up and making it into a flag and writing ''Kansas City Sucks'' and hang it up outside as a flag. He said that they could have him put that outside of his house. He said they could cut them up and send the rags to one of those booths in Times Square.
Fake George said scatter them across the rambles. Jon said they could have JD jerk off onto the stuff. JD said he's not doing that.
Howard asked Richard what he's going to do. Richard had some power scissors to cut the stuff up. Howard said he would rather have him looking at JD's cock but this is what happens. Howard said Sal is offering something. Sal said he's offering to jerk off on Richard's hat over the course of a week and then he'll mail it back to him and he has to wear the hat the whole show. Richard said he'd do that. He said that way he gets to keep the cap. Howard said he likes that idea. JD said he'll have to get cum all over the Chief's logo. Sal said he'll do it all over the cap. He said it'll be stuck to his head when he gets it back.
Howard asked Sal how much he can cum over the course of a week. Sal said he can drop a load or two a day. He said one will be really thick and maybe not so much on the second one. Howard asked Sal if he can replenish after a day. Sal said he can. Robin said they want that hat to be completely saturated. Sal said he'll make sure he can do it. Richard asked if they can do this with the jersey too. Howard said no way.
Gary said he would like to contribute to this hat idea. He said he'll do the same thing and then they can go back and forth and jerk off into the cap. Howard said they could do that for a month. JD said he wants nothing to do with that.
Howard said they're going to cut up the jersey and send the hat to Sal to jerk off into for a week. He said then Gary will get the hat and he'll jerk off into it. He asked if anyone else wants to jerk off into the cap. Richard asked if they can stop at 2. Howard said Chris Wilding wants to do it. He said he wants to hear the sports shows talking about this. Howard said Jason, Chris and Benjy are willing to jerk off into the hat too. Howard said Benjy's might be really gross. He said he can go last. Howard said Jason is kind of unhealthy so he can't imagine him having a big load. Jason said he has some good loads. He said he just wants to contribute.
Howard said the hat will go to Sal who will do it for a week. He said then it goes to Gary's house and he gets a week with it too. He said then it goes to Chris Wilding and then he gets it for a week. He said then Benjy gets it and then Jason. He said Jason can spend a few days with it. Howard asked Benjy if he's going to fuck this up. Benjy said he's not sure what Robin thinks he's going to do. Howard said this thing is going to smell like a dead body. He said seeing Richard wear it will be gross. He said that he can't wash it. Richard said he guarantees that he'll vomit. Sal said Richard has to call his dad and let him know what's happening.
Richard asked if Ronnie wants to get in on this. Ronnie said he'll bow out on this. He said by the time it gets to him it'll be a big thing of crust. Gary said it's kind of weird that Richard is into this. Richard said at least he gets to keep the cap. Howard said he could have had him burn it. He said the good news is that he's getting his hat back. He said the bad news is that he can't wash it. Jason said Richard has no hair so there's no barrier there.
Gary said they could have him put the hat in a shadow box so everyone who comes over can ask about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to put the hat in a Tupperware box so they can keep the loads from drying out. Howard said he's right. He said it will keep the loads moist. Richard said he's going to vomit. Robin said if he vomits he has to vomit in the cap. Richard asked if he does. Howard said yes he does.
Howard said with the current situation in the country they have to have a courier deliver it. Chris said they could deliver it in a cooler like they do when they have an organ donor. Jon said he'll do it. He said he can rent a car and do it.
George said they could attach a camera to that cap. Howard said they know that Sal will be cumming on that hat for sure. Howard told Richard not to worry about it. Sal said he's going to save every ounce of his loads until that hat arrives at his house. He said he'll blow farts into it if he has any. Chris said he'll even get pre-cum on it.
Howard asked Jon when he's ready to do this. Jon said he's ready whenever. Howard asked if he'll go to Richard's house today. Jon said he will. He said he'd like to see the glow on the guys faces so he wants to pick up the hat right after they finish.
Howard said the best moment of all of this is that Richard was worried that they might use soap on his cap. He said he thinks he said he wants to know that they just used cum. He said because of Richard the Chiefs will receive their greatest disgrace. He said their logo will be covered in jizz and Richard will wear it. He said he has to take that jersey now and sheer it. Richard said he hates this. He cut the Chris Jones jersey up. He wasn't happy about it.
Howard asked how Richard is feeling. Richard said he hates it. He said it's brutal. Howard asked how he felt when his wife bought it for him. Richard said he was proud. He said it was just a random thing and now it's gone. He was still cutting it up. He said his wife knows that this is happening. Howard asked how many pieces he has. Richard said it's 5 or 6 now. The guys told him to keep cutting.
Howard asked Richard to send those pieces along with the hat o they can use that for jizz wipes. Richard said he hates this. The guys said he wore that jersey everywhere. Richard said he did. He said he knew which games the beer stains were from. Richard kept going with the shearing.
Howard asked if Richard wore that to the Super Bowl. Richard said he did. He said the hat was there too. JD said he loves this. He said it's great. He told him to throw it in the trash. Howard said those are cum rags now. He said don't throw them out.
Howard asked Sal which one he's going to use as a cum rag. Sal had one in mind. He said he's going to use one with a nice white spot to wipe his cum and then wipe his ass with the red side.
Howard said Richard took it like a sport. He said the hat will be passed around and destroyed with loads. He said that the guys will all take turns with that. Howard asked Sal how old he is. Sal said he's 52. Howard said he used to have good loads at 52. He said Gary will get it second and he'll have to explain it to Mary. Gary said that will be hard. He said that conversation will be interesting.
Howard said Sal brings up a good point that Mary might be relieved by this. Sal said better the hat than her.
Howard said he just got an email and Jeff Zuker wants to jizz on that cap. He said now that he's free of CNN he's ready for that. He said he thinks a lot of celebrities will want to get in on this. He said Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Rogen might want to do it. Gary said maybe Mark the Bagger would want to do it. Chris said it'll be like an office birthday card and you won't know where to sign it.
Howard said he's going to ask Tom Brady to jerk off on the cap. He said Richard hates him. Richard said he doesn't hate Tom Brady. He said he has annoyed him many times but he doesn't hate him. He said JD should be happy that the Bengals don't have to face them.
Howard asked who the Bengals are playing. JD said it's the Rams. Howard asked Richard who he thinks will win. Richard said the Bengals. He said he loves the AFC and he's happy for JD. He said he has to thank Howard for sending him to the Super bowl. He said having your team in the game is a big deal. Howard said this past week he had people call JD to let him know that he's going to the Super Bowl. JD said it's crazy. Howard said it was very difficult to get the tickets. Howard asked who he's going with. Fake George said it's him. Howard spent a little time talking to Fake George after that.
Howard asked JD who he's going to take to the game. JD said he's still determining that. He said he doesn't want to say who it is. He said his wife can't go because she's busy. He said it might be someone from there to cover the action for the show. Howard said it's up to JD. He said he can bring whoever he wants. Benjy said bring Richard's cap. Howard said how about Jon Hein. JD said he thinks that would be his nightmare to go to that game.
Howard said Richard has torn up the shirt and that will be used as cum rags. He said the hat will go to Sal and he'll start jerking off into that. JD asked him to cover all of the logos on the cap. Richard said he's turned into an evil little fuck. JD said he has.
Howard asked Sal what his plans are for the cap. Sal went through his plans and told Howard about what he plans on covering first. He said the front logo is first and then he'll work on the back logo. Richard asked if his wife is going to be upset that he won't have a load for her. Sal said that's very funny. Sal said he'll turn that hat from right to left and get it all covered with jizz. Robin said it's too bad they don't have a pottery wheel for him. Howard said they can get him one.
Howard said from time to time he wonders why he hired Sal. He said this was what he was born for. Howard asked Gary where he's going to go to jerk off. Gary said he has a bathroom that's kind of his bathroom. He said he has to use gloves and tongs. Howard said Gary has to man up and just do it. Gary said he's in. He said the last thing he wants is any of Sal's semen on his bathroom floor. George said he didn't realize how exciting football really is.
Howard said Chris, Benjy and Jason will get it after that. Chris said he's not sure how he can aim it. He said he doesn't have that kind of control. Sal gave him some advice. Chris said he's just going to seep it in.
Howard said Benjy can do it wherever he wants. He said Jason can figure it out after telling his wife. Jason said he wants to hit the inside of the hat so he knows it's touching Richard's head.
Gary said he thinks he's with the inside of the hat too. He said he wants to know Richard's head is touching it.
Howard said he has Jennifer Witz on the phone and she wants to weigh in on this. He took the call from Fake Jennifer who said this is more important than a booster shot. She said every male employee has to drop a load on the cap. She said it's every male employee and not just the on air personalities.
Robin said that they should keep some loads to use as touch ups when the hat dries out too much. Howard said the stock price just went up after people heard this. Chris said he was just going to ask if they're still a company.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to weigh the hat before and after. Howard said that's right. He said he is correct. He said Jon Blitt has to weigh it before and after. Jon said he has a scale. Sal said he's like Tony Montana over there. He said he has a scale for sure. Richard said he's scared to give him his address.
Howard asked JD if he's up to making more bets. JD said he's done. He said he didn't even want to make this bet. He said he's not even making the prop bets. Howard asked if he's excited about going to the game. JD said of course he is. He said it's going to be an unbelievable experience. He said he'll be crying if they win. Howard asked if it will be somewhat weird to be in L.A. as a Bengals fan. JD said it'll be fine. He said he'll be wearing his jersey. He said the L.A. Rams fan base isn't very loyal. He said the average fan doesn't go to the Super Bowl so it won't be bad.
Howard said Sal will get the hat today so good luck with the load. Howard asked when he last blew a load. Sal said it was yesterday. He said he was taking a crap and he did it then. He said he killed two birds with one stone. He said he was watching a video with Spanish moms helping their sons jerk off. Richard said they should all have to say what they watched when they jerked off.
Howard asked Sal what the video was that he watched. Sal explained the video to him and said it was Spanish Speaking moms. He said he had just search for ''Spanish speaking mom hand jobs.''
Howard said he had to jerk off the other day and Beth told him to just jerk off. Howard said he was searching for all kinds of stuff and wasn't finding anything. He said that he was searching and searching and he'd try one out and his dick was soft. He said he finally landed on one with three lesbians. He said the first two girls were talking and a third shows up. He said they all decide that they're going to have a threesome. He said he was done once they all got naked. He said no one was out of shape. He said that was all he needed to see.
Howard said Sal is just an animal. He said he shit and came. He asked if that smell turns him on or something. Sal said he wipes and flushes and then he goes to the phone to jack off. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Sal said that sometimes the smell does interfere with the boner. He said he battles through it and gets it done. Howard said he only asks that because he knows as a kid he liked to watch his aunt take a shit. Sal didn't want to get into that. He said it was just curiosity.
Richard asked Sal if there's a mom that Sal is into that he had to search for Spanish chicks. Sal said he was into Vanessa Del Rio. Gary said he thinks she made her first video in 1978 or so. Howard said he knows Sal is into older women. He wondered what that is. Sal said he thinks it's almost like a teacher kind of thing. Howard asked if he thinks he can get hard for a woman in her 80s. Sal said not that old. He said maybe someone in her 60s. Howard had Chris do his Blue Iris impression talking to Sal about his cock. He started to crack himself up so he was laughing through the bit.
Howard said it's a good time to take a break. He thanked Richard for the cutting of the rags and all of that. He said anything can happen on the show. He said Gary will be getting the hat soon. Howard went into a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard came back and sang along with the song a little bit. He said this song put Joe on the map in the United States. He said he did this as Woodstock.
Howard read some details about the song and said that Rolling Stone reported that a woman was so turned on by Joe's voice that she got on stage with him and started to play with his junk. Robin said she has never been that turned on. Howard said he's never had a woman that into him. Robin said he has had women faint. Robin said one time a woman came up to him and cried and shook and then collapsed. Howard said he hopes they carted her off to the mental hospital.
Howard said he's not sure he'd want to date someone like that. He said if they pass out from him there has to be something wrong with them.
Howard read the lyrics to the song and said it's a reference to genitals. He said Paul McCartney wrote those lyrics. He said that's a true story and he's not making it up.
Robin asked if Howard has heard about the Beatles NFTs that are coming out. Howard said he's not even sure what an NFT is. He said he can't even give an example. He said he's trying to think of an example. He said it's so stupid. Robin tried to explain it to Howard. Robin said it's a digital representation of something. Howard asked if he sells her a digital representation of a painting he did is that an NFT. Robin said if it's just one then yes. Howard said he'd like to know what the Beatles NFT is. Robins said one of them was lyrics to a song. She said it's just he digital representation of that. Howard said see what he means, it's stupid. He said it's insane. He said he's not sure what they're talking about.
Robin said there are Metaverses being created and they are selling real estate in these places. Robin said Snoop Dogg has bought a house in one of these places and people are trying to buy houses around him. Howard said this sounds like things that Sal can't cum on.
Howard asked Jon Hein what this all means. Jon went into his explanation of the Beatles NFT thing and explained how that's all working. He said you get an audio visual collectible from Julian Lennon. He said you sell it to someone and then they can sell it to someone. Robin said there are people using this stuff in these Metaverse places. Howard said everyone knows his history. He said he used to sell real estate on the moon. He said he sold many lots up there. He said he probably over sold. He asked what you're talking about. He said he hates to sound like an old fool but it sounds like you buy it and then sell it to another sucker. Robins said you can make money on these things.
Howard said he just doesn't get it. Jon said that you are the only one who owns these digital images. He said you can use them online or wherever. Howard said his head is exploding from this.
Howard said in Peacemaker they threw out some show references. Howard said in this scene Peacemaker is listing people who could have been framed for a crime instead of the person they framed in the show. He said that it was Peacemaker's father who was framed. He played a clip of Peacemaker naming a bunch of celebrities including Howard Stern, Baba Booey and Robin Ophelia Quivers.
Howard said David Letterman gave him a shout out on Seth Meyers show. Howard played that clip where Dave talked about why he had his mom on his show. He credited Howard with having his own mom on his show.
Howard said he appreciates Dave saying that. He said it's unlike Imus who would call his mother on his show. He said that he stole the whole idea from him and ended up calling his mother. He said his mom would call and ask why Imus was calling her.
Howard said the NY Times wrote a great article about this CNN thing. He said people meet at work all the time. He said things happen. He said every work place has to have a policy. He said they have some strict policies at some places. He said they say no hooking up at some places. He said some other places are looser. He said that some people realize that they might meet at work and hook up. He said it has to be hard to go to H.R. and tell them that you have a relationship going and then it doesn't work out.
Howard said he read about Jeff Zuker meeting this woman at work and he may have said he wasn't in a relationship. Robin said what she read is that he never reported it to H.R. before he was confronted about it. Howard said he was one who created their policy there. Howard said this all came about because Chris Cuomo was suing CNN and he was asking why the head of the company isn't following the rules. Robin said Chris is taking everyone down with him. Howard said he's saying he knows more stuff too apparently. He said he's not sure why he was fired. Robin said he was helping his brother out when he got in trouble.
Howard said years ago people were calling Chris ''Fredo'' and he got upset about that. He said he comes on strong. He said he has tape of Chris going off on a guy for calling him Fredo. He played the clip of Chris confronting the guy at some event after he called him Fredo. Chris and the guy went back and forth arguing.
Howard said he the other guy backed down. Robin said it seems like no one wanted to go there.
Howard said there was a rumor that there's some merger going on at CNN and they weren't thrilled with the way it was being run. Robin said John Malone had something to do with that. She said he wanted them to get back to less opinion and more hard news. Howard said he likes opinion.
Howard said you break the rules and you're out. He said that's it. He said he and Robin will never be able to have a relationship. He said that one night Robin gave him a sexy look and he reported her to H.R. immediately.
Howard said from what he understands is that he can have a relationship but he has to report it. He said the rules are there for a reason. Robin said Bill Gates married someone who worked for him. Howard said he has a boner from looking at Robin and he's going to call H.R. and ask what he should do about that. Howard made up a fake conversation with H.R. about the boner thing.
Howard said he saw that Whoopi Goldberg got suspended for 2 weeks from The View. He said people were asking him what he thought of that. Robin said she was wondering if they were still in school when she saw that she was suspended. Howard said he didn't think that this was an anti-Semitic thing. He said Whoopi is a fabulous comedian and actress. He said that show is a bunch of Yentas talking. He said Whoopi has never been known as a holocaust expert. He said that her thoughts on it are out there and she said that the Holocaust wasn't about race. He said if you know anything about Hitler he was about the ''master race.'' He said he wanted the Jews, blacks, Gypsies and homosexuals gone. He said Hitler thought they were all ''sub human.'' He said he thought that Germany should be full of blonde haired and blue eyed people. He said it was absolutely about race. He said that's where Whoopi got it wrong but he thinks being suspended for 2 weeks doesn't make sense.
Howard asked if the child has gills or anything like that. The caller said she hopes not. She said she's due in June. She said she's thinking it could end up with webbed toes or something.
Howard asked if she was wearing the tank and all of that. She said she was. Howard said that's an amazing story. Howard asked Ronnie how they did that if they were scuba diving. The caller said she was just in her bikini. She said she wasn't in a full wet suit. She said there were no other divers around at the time.
Ronnie said it sounds pretty weird to him. Howard said she must be super hot. He asked what she looks like. The caller, Elizabeth, said she looks like Reese Witherspoon according to her husband. Howard said there's nothing wrong with that. He told Sal to stop jerking off and save it for the cap.
Ronnie said he can't see it happening like that. Elizabeth said she just laid back and did it like Aquaman was doing her. Ronnie said she's getting a lot of coaching in the background. Howard said what a lame thing to have to lie about. Ronnie said he's not saying they didn't do it but it doesn't sound like they did it all the way under water. He said he has done it in the ocean and it's not that easy.
Howard said he watched the finale of ''And Just Like That'' and he liked it. He said he's reading about how people think it's too PC and stuff like that. He said he loved the show. He said he just liked it. Robin said she liked it too but they seemed to be cramming so much into every episode. Howard said he liked ''Reacher'' too. He said he watched that. He said they showed titty on Reacher. He said he took a shower with a love interest and he liked that. He said there's tons of killing in the show. He said he liked that and Peacemaker too.
Robin said she saw the preview for The Batman and she can't wait to see that. Howard said he's not going to a theater to see that. Howard said he's going to sit home. He said Robin has to as well.
Howard took a call from fake Hitler who was on the phone to talk about Whoopi. Whoever it was called in with clips of Hitler and Howard interpreted what he was saying about Whoopi. There was a weird click/beeping sound that was going through that whole bit.
Howard moved on after a few minutes and said that The Batman will be on HBOMax 45 days after the theatrical release. He said that's good news. He said Robin can sit home and wait for that. Robin said she saw the other day that they're selling your own personal air filter if you're going out somewhere. she said you can have your own air filter with a HEPA filter in it. Howard said he wishes he could do that with his own oxygen tank. He said he's so paranoid that he went for a walk the other day so he turned his head as someone walked by like that's going to help.
Howard said they're back and Al Michaels will be stopping by tomorrow. He said Al will be on to talk about the Super Bowl. He said he has such a distinctive voice. He said he has been around and he's still the guy on the air and he's still got the sound and he's still terrific at play by play. Robin said he has kept his timbre. Howard said the guy is 77 years old and still sounds great. He said he was so upset when his father told him he had lost his timbre.
Howard said Al is so in demand that two networks are fighting for him. He said he has to talk to him about that. He asked Siri what Al's net worth is. She came up with $20 million as of 2018. Howard said he must be worth more than that. He said maybe he's not investing. He said he'll ask him tomorrow. He said he has a lot of questions for him.
Howard said David Spade and Dana Carvey will be on Wednesday's show. He said they have a Podcast together.
Howard said they have a new segment to end the show. He said that JD has an inspirational quote to end the show. Howard said JD has no idea about this so he's asking him on the spot. JD asked what this is. Howard said he asked for an inspirational quote because he does that during the staff meetings. JD said he wasn't prepared for this. He said have a good day everyone. He said be nice to each other like Julie Chen says. He said love one another. Howard thanked him for that and did a live commercial read before ending the show. They were done around 10:30am.
Howard started the show talking about how tired and exhausted he is. He said think of 5 other words for that and that's what he is. He said he's trying to act like the life of the party but he's not. He said anyone who knows him knows he's the exact opposite. He said he's not the life of the party. Robin said people think it's fun to hang out with him but that's not what it is. Howard said he's a party killer. He said he's so depressed about his mom not doing well. He said she's in a lot of pain and he's consulted with so many doctors. He said he feels like he's in the medical community. He said it's like when people talk about Joe Rogan and the controversy with him. He said he's not sure why he'd give out medical advice. He said you don't want to be involved in that.
Howard said the whole thing with Joe is so silly to him. He said he's a comedian. He said he's not sure why he's giving out advice. He said he has no idea what he's talking about and he doesn't give out medical advice. He said just go get the vaccine before you die.
Howard said he's not qualified to make medical decisions. He said he's turning to a lot of doctors like Dr. Agus and people like that. He said he gets on the phone with his mother and she's moaning in pain. He did an impression of what that's like. He said it rips his heart out. He said he just wants to fix her. He said he doesn't want her to be in pain. He said he thinks a lot of that pain is psychological. He said he's just so drained and depressed. He said that's all that's on his mind. He said that he didn't want to mention her on the air but that's all that's on his mind. He said he's not sure how to turn that off. He said with his mother he has a soft spot and he has to think about it. He said he has always taken care of his mother. He said his parents had no plan when they got older and the wanted to stay in their old house. He said his father was the one who called him a moron but he was the one who figured out their old age for them. He said he gets resentful but he also wants to help them out.
Howard said old age is depressing. He said it's just crazy. Robin said the queen of England is 96 years old and she seems to be doing well. Howard said his friend has a mother who is 102 and she lives on her own. He said he has to check in but she's pretty self sufficient. Robin said that's amazing.
Howard said his mother is there all there marbles wise. He said she's just in pain. He said he's trying to deal with that and running around with the doctors. He said he feels there's nothing he can do but he has to think of something. He said he's going through the Dr. Sarno books and another doctor who wrote a book similar to those. He said that he's trying to figure out something but his mother is just worn out and she wants it to stop. He said she wants it fixed or she wants off the planet. He said he can't be the one who can tell his mother to do something like that. He said he can't give her that. He said she was feeling a tiny bit better last night but it's just feeling pain from a 12 to an 11. He said that's not that much better.
Howard said after all his research at the end of the day there's not many answers. Robin said you think you have it all figured out but you don't. He said then if they do the morons in this country won't listen to it. He said he has this Jesus complex with his mom and he has to save her. He said he's just exhausted from it. He said he's not sure what else to do. He said he's upset and his sister is upset. He said he's not sure what to do.
Howard said he just wants someone to come in and take care of this. He said he just wants to be free. He said he's no spring chicken himself. He said he may only have a few good years left himself. He said he doesn't want to be burdened. He said he remembers when his parents were in their 60s they weren't worried about anyone. He said his grandparents were gone already. He said his mom would send her mom a care package occasionally when he was around.
Howard said his parents ruined his childhood and now they're trying to ruin his golden years. Robin said the things he complains about are the things he'll miss. Howard said he knows. He said he wants his mom to enjoy the years she has left. He said he tells her that and she's like ''What? Are you kidding?'' He said he's just exhausted.
Howard said he was on the phone with the doctor last night and he was saying she's in good shape for her age. He said she has a lot of good going on. He said they'll have to see. He said this doctor went in and talked to her and he was telling her that she has to be positive and get up and move around. He said his mother said if he was her age he'd see what it's like. He said he's just beat. He said he has a lot going on.
Howard said the rental car companies beg you to rent a car and then they pull that. Howard said you'd think they'd want to help you so they can stay in business.
Howard said the woman was probably watching Reacher. He said he can't stop watching that show. He said maybe the woman knew who he was and didn't want to help him out. He said it must have been some TV show she was watching. Jon said he was the middle man between the man on the phone and the woman there at the location. He said he wanted to cancel and they didn't know what to do. Howard said it's unbelievable. He said they should do what you want to do. Jon said he should go throw eggs at their location. Sal said he'll jerk off on her TV.
Howard said so Jon gets the car. Jon said he's not a great driver. He said on a rainy day he's not the best driver. Howard said he's so sick of dudes saying they're great drivers. He said based on what he sees they're not. Jon said he's kind of nervous and shaky. He said he got lost going to Richard's. He said the GPS screwed him a little bit. He said he was doing a meditation thing while driving so that didn't help. Howard said Jon was on a show called Boiling Point and they test you on things like that. He said it's like being on the show. Jon said people have recognized him from that show and they have tested him.
Howard asked Jon what the best test was he ever did on that show. Jon said they did a thing where they covered a car in flyers and the guys were going to beat the shit out of him and that was the best one.
Howard said Jon did a thing where they were fucking with some people and he was asking people to sing while they were eating. Jon said they did that on Howard's show. He said they did a thing where they pranked Howard's neighbor's dog walker. Howard didn't know that. He said he hates shows like that honestly. He said his mother used to hate those kind of shows like Candid Camera. He said she could ruin anything for him. He said she'd say that man is a terrible man and they're playing practical jokes on them. He did his impression of her talking about that.
Howard asked what it was where they sold falafel. Jon explained what that was and how he got hot soup thrown at him. He said it's best when people throw things at you. He said that's the best. Howard asked what they paid him for that. Jon said he got paid well for that actually. He said he was paid to be a writer and for the pranks. He said he as making good money and they paid his friend the same thing because they felt bad. He said it was 85 episodes of fucking with people.
Jon told Howard about other pranks they did on that show and had Howard laughing. He said he pranked one girl and told her they were pranking her and then tried to ask her out after. He said she agreed to it at first but then turned him down saying he had scarred her too much.
Gary told Howard that Jon will prank people in the elevator when no one is around to film it. He pretends to call a girlfriend and then takes a call from his wife. Jon said people say he's either an asshole or he's an asshole.
Richard said he used to be afraid to go to lunch with Jon because he was afraid he'd fuck with the people who ran the Greek cart he went to. Robin said she got in the elevator with him and Nowicki and the would wear the same outfits pretending that they really did that. Howard asked what that was about. Steve said it was a bit they were working on and they had the same strange outfits the would wear on the same day. Jon said they were saying that they weren't doing a bit and it as just a thing that happened.
Howard said that's so annoying. He said they all know what they're doing and it's just annoying. Robin said she knew Steve but not Jon at all. She said she just wanted out of the bit.
Howard asked Jon what happened after he got the car from the car rental place. He said that woman didn't know who she was fucking with. Jon said he'll go get her if he wants him to. Howard said just leave her alone. He said it's like being the Godfather there.
Howard asked Jon to tell the story about the broken umbrellas. Jon said they were waiting for months to do it. He said the umbrellas had holes in them or they would just pop off. He said they'd sell the umbrellas and they'd come back with the broken ones. He said one guy bought 3 and he lost his shit. He said he almost attacked him with the umbrella. He said he got all of them and it was such great physical comedy. He said that guy was yelling at him and it was fantastic. He said it was all just so stupid. He was asking for a receipt and things like that.
Chris said the amazing thing about Jon is that people believe him. He said they buy into the most ridiculous things he says. He said they went out to dinner once and Jon asked for everything on the menu and asked for it all to be blended together. He said she came back with the manager and he asked if there's a problem there. He said he stuck with the bit. He said he had to ask him to say something.
Howard asked if Jon would have let the guy blend the food together. Jon said of course not. Chris said one time there was a giant vase in the restaurant and he had hopped inside of it and wasn't able to get out of it. Jon said he did get in and he wasn't able to get out.
Richard said they used to do a bit around the office to drive people crazy. Jon said he played Al Pacino and Steve would say he was Ray Romano. Chris said that's all they'd do. He said they'd just say that's who they were.
Howard said Mike Trainor was telling him a story. He had him get on. Mike said he recommended Jon for the job there so this is all his fault. He said that he makes him cringe. He said he went out with him for dinner and Jon told a family that he was a guy who was famous for sucking his own dick. Howard asked how that comes up. Jon said it was a family there and they were talking about wine and stuff. He said Mike went to the bathroom so he told them who Mike was. He said he's the guy who sucks his own dick. Howard asked if Mike had any idea. Mike said they did say they had heard about him when he came back. Jon said the son in law was not amused. Howard asked if Mike went along with the bit. Mike said he tried. He said that he didn't want to be in the bit. Chris said that they must have thought that he had a giant cock because he doesn't look that flexible. Mike thanked him for that.
Chris said that Blitt has that Andy Kaufman kind of thing where he doesn't care of he fails. He said people will stare him down and it's just so uncomfortable. Howard said he doesn't get doing it for the sake of doing it. He said he'll do it for the radio but not just for the sake of doing it. He said he doesn't get doing stuff for any other reason. He said that might be insanity.
Gary said Jon is an amazing cook and he will try to get you fucked up. He said once they had to take Jason to the hospital. He said there's a lot of weed and alcohol. He said Jason was allergic to something. Jason said it was food he was allergenic to. He said he didn't know he was allergic to it. He said he was sick and he was high. He said they were all bombed out of their minds. Chris said that COVID was just starting then too.
Howard said Gary said he didn't want to go back there. Gary said he would go back but he has to be aware of what's going on. He said he got so fucked up that he almost missed his stop on the train. He said he had to apologize to a friend because the words coming out of her mouth weren't making any sense. Gary said Jon also fakes crying and he told Will about it and he said he does that to everyone.
Howard said Ralph wants to talk about Jon. He took his call and Ralph said Jon is annoying as fuck. He said you can't talk to him because you don't know what's real or not. He said he can't take it and he leaves. Jon said he tells Ralph the craziest shit that no one would believe. Jon was telling a story but Ralph wasn't able to hear anything. Howard said he'll try to get that fixed. Jon told a story about what he was telling Ralph about his uncle and how he had taught him to masturbate and things like that. He said Ralph fell for that. Ralph said he doesn't buy into that. Chris said he does and then he feels had and he feels stupid. Everyone was talking over each other at this point so it's very had to follow.
Howard said he has no sense of humor about pranks. He said he'd have him fired if he did that to him.
Howard had a clip of Jason vomiting at Jon Blitt's house when he got sick. Howard played the clip. Chris said Gary did that. Gary said they were in no condition to help him. He said they didn't know where to go or what to do because they were just so fucked up.
Jason said he knew something was wrong and it was like the three stooges standing around him. He said he just asked them to get him somewhere. Jon said thank god Gary was there because he's not sure what would have happened.
Howard asked Ronnie if he has a story. Ronnie got on and he was muted at first. The guys were all goofing on him about that. Ronnie said Jon is a sick man. He said he deals with him every Friday. He said he's his handler. He said that he asks him the most ridiculous questions. He said he comes up with the craziest things. He said he's a psychopath. Jon said he's done this for 2 years now.
Howard said Ronnie has tweeted a bunch of things this morning already. He had posted some ass and tittie shots and he put up something about Zsa Zsa Gabor. Ronnie said it was a picture from when she was hot. Jon said he used to prank call her. He told a story about that. Howard said he had her on his TV show and dressed up like Johnny Carson.
Howard said he has to get back to the hat story. He said he was in charge of getting Richard's hat and bringing it over to Sal's house. Jon said it took him about 2 hours to get to Sal's house and he got lost again. He said Sal told him not to tell his wife about what was going on because she had no idea. Howard said it's great that Sal has this relationship where they can't tell each other anything. Richard said then she hears it from her friends and it's even worse.
Richard said when Jon came to his house his wife was leaving to pick up their son. He said she saw a guy out front filming with a cell phone. He said he had to tell her what was going on. He said they did a contactless pick up where they weren't able to get close to each other. He said it was great to see him because they hadn't seen each other in 2 years. He said they had to stay 10 feet apart.
Howard asked Jon what happened next. Jon said he got to Sal's house and Sal was pretending that he was going to be shitting on the cap. Sal said he said he was going to wipe his butt with it. He said his wife thought that was disgusting. Howard said he told Beth about what was going on and she didn't see the humor in it.
Richard said he told his wife about it and she was fine with it but he wants him to bring the hat in through the back door instead of walking it through the house. Jon said it's a nice hat and he felt for it. He said he was in the car with it for 5 hours.
Howard asked if Sal has jerked off on it yet. Sal said not yet. He said he's going to do that today. He said he wants to weigh the hat first. Howard said he forgot about that. He said that's good that he remembered. Sal weighed it and it was 3.5 ounces. He said the logo won't look the same later. Howard asked when he's going to do it. Sal said when they go to commercial. He had the shirt there too. He said he'll wipe his ass with it if he has a wet fart or something.
Sal said the hat is going to be a mess when Gary gets it. Richard said that Jason is going to be the last one to get it. Jason said he's not allowed to bring it into the house. He said he has a chicken coup in the back yard so he has to do it back there. Howard said by the time he gets it he has to bring it back there since it's not allowed in the house. Jason said that's the plan as of today. He said he has a trash picker kind of thing to lift the hat up. Howard said he'd have the hat in a shake and bake bag so mix it all up.
Jon asked if he gets to deliver it to everyone still. Howard said of course. He said a lot of people are jealous of that job. Howard said he volunteered so he gets to do it.
Howard said that's the update on the bet. He said his hat is going to be defiled. He said that the have to take a break now. He said they'll get an update on the weight of the hat after the break. Howard said Sal is going to do it during the break. Sal said he's hoping he doesn't get pee shy again. He said he's all ready to go.
Howard read some fan feedback about the bet. People wrote in about the disgusting thing they're doing the hat and how gross it is.
Howard had a clip of Richard calling his dad and telling him what they were doing with the cap. Richard's dad asked if he has to touch it. Richard said he's getting it back and he has to wear it during the show. His dad said that's nasty and he's never done anything like that.
Howard said his dad wasn't getting that done to him at work. He said he's a vet and a hunting expert so they don't pull that on him.
Howard said the Wrap Up Show polled people about the bet and they think it's worse than burning the cap.
Howard said here were guys on the show who were willing to take a load from High Pitch Erik on their chest to win a plasma TV. Gary said someone on the Wrap Up Show suggested that the put the hat on Richard and put a black light on him and then squirt the hat with water and see the semen run down his face. Richard said he's not going to do that.
Howard read some feedback about JD getting to go to the Super Bowl. Howard said he's going to ask Al Michaels if he can have JD in there to do some play by play. He said that would be great. Howard read more feedback about JD going to the game and how great it would be to see it live streamed.
Howard said here was something else he wanted to play for Robin but he doesn't remember. He said there you go with the update. Jon thanked Howard for the opportunity to transport the cap. Howard said he didn't give up with the rental thing so good for you. Richard said he was grinning from ear to ear when he showed up there.
Howard asked Sal if he's going to go jerk off now. Sal said he is. Richard asked what job you hear that question. Robin said a few years back they were lecturing Sal about jerking off at work. Howard said this is something else. He went into a live commercial read. He asked if Sal is nervous. Sal said he'll be fine.
Howard said people wrote in about what he did about that movie ''The Skin I Live In'' and he has to rent it. He said he's not sure where to find it. He said he has to get it. Robin said he should be able to get it. Howard said he has to figure it out. Howard said evidently this guy has made a lot of movies. He said people were wondering how Robin sat on that movie for so long. Robin said it was so shocking to her that she never said anything about it.
Howard read about some of the other movies this director has done. They all had crazy plot lines. Howard said he might have to see some of these. Howard found out the film is on Apple TV+ and Amazon Prime.
Howard said JD isn't a fan of this director. JD said they just don't connect. He said that he respects the guy but it's not something he's into. Howard said he'd watch any movie review show by JD. He said he has a way. He said he gets it, he hates it. JD said he doesn't hate it. He said he will watch Wes Anderson stuff but he isn't a big fan.
Richard said that JD is one who Jon loves to mess with. JD said he went out to dinner with him once and he told people he was the biggest weed dealer in New Jersey. Howard asked how that comes up. JD said he just blurts it out. He said he isn't subtle about it at all. Jon said he loves going out to eat with JD. He said they always have a nice meal. JD said he can only pay up to a point. He said they go out to nice places.
JD tried to tell a story but it went nowhere. JD said he passed out on a trampoline at Blitt's house once. He said he fell asleep out there. Jon said JD was the first person that he invited to his place. He said he had Steve Nowicki over too. That story didn't go anywhere either. Howard said the have to let Sal go jerk off. He took a call from fake Jennifer Witz who was encouraging Sal to go do his job now.
Howard said they're going to weigh the hat and it better have some girth to it. He said they'll see how it goes. Howard said she has to please so many people. He said she's not kidding about Sal and how he has to jizz on that cap. He said she's doing a fabulous job.
Howard had some audio of JD singing while he was high at Jon's house. He played that and then went into another live commercial read then into a commercial break.
Howard came back and asked what the odds that 4 members of a band are related. He said there are brothers and cousins in this band. He said this song is so good. He said he was reading about this. He said the guy who wrote it was in a fight and dislocated his shoulder after fighting with a member of the band. He said after the surgery he wrote the song while he was still high from the anesthetic. He has no memory of writing it. He said he's never woken up and found a song in a journal like that.
Howard said he should take some calls. He said they got a lot of email about Beetlejuice. He said they had a behind the scenes thing with Beetlejuice and they showed how hard he is to work with. He said the fans loved hearing Beetlejuice berate the staff during that bit. Howard read through some email about that.
Howard said he has a bonus clip of the staff trying to get Beetlejuice to recite the alphabet. Howard played the clip of Sal doing that with Beet. Beetlejuice said that they're stupid over there. Beetlejuice wouldn't repeat after Sal and he would keep saying that he had already said those letters.
Howard played some of the new song they created with Beetlejuice clips. He said it's a good song. He said he has a lot to get to so he can't play the whole thing.
Howard said people wrote in asking if he'll ever do a song as BeetLoaf. He said that will be premiering in a few months. Howard read some comments about the song.
Howard said Sal is back after his masturbation session. Sal said it went wonderful. He placed the hat on the scale and said he had dropped his load on the KC on the cap. He showed it and everyone was grossed out. Howard said turn it off. Sal said it's up to 3.6 ounces. Sal said it went up an ounce. He said he has a whole week of this to do. Howard said he has never come close to throwing up on the air but he was about to just now. He said that load is massive. Sal said it shows he stores a lot there. Howard said he'll never be able to unsee that. He said it was horrible. Richard said it was like watching a beheading video. He said he wasn't able to look at it. Robin said she can't even think about it.
Richard said that pissed him off. He said he defiled that shit. Sal said pick a better team next year. Howard said that was horrible. Robin said she was repulsed. Howard said it's so gross. Richard said it being Sal's makes it even worse. Howard said the reality is worse than you can imagine.
Howard asked if Gary saw it. Gary said he's tapping out of this bit. He said it's not coming to his house. Howard asked what's happening. Jason said it is gross. He said he almost threw up. He said he saw a video and he almost threw up then too. He said he didn't even ask for that. Howard said Gary has to do it. Gary said he can't do it. He said he didn't expect that. He said that's the grossest thing he's ever seen. Sal asked if he thought he was going to smear it with chocolate.
Howard said Jon Blitt won't leave his driveway until he takes it. Howard asked if Jon will camp out on the driveway until he takes it. Jon said he will. He said he'll even hold the hat while Gary jerks off into it.
Howard asked Gary what happened. Gary said just seeing it changed him. Howard said of course it did. He said he once told a story on the air that he fucked a woman in the ass and he looked at his load in her shit after. Gary said that was years ago. He said it's got to do with it being Sal's jizz.
Howard said Sal said it as an ounce of jizz but it was a tenth of an ounce it went up.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake George Takei got on and said it was tsunami of jizz and he's never been turned on so much. He rang his bell to get Brad to come look at the load. Howard said Gary should stick to his commitment. George said he should. He said it was very viscous like tapioca.
Sal asked if he can show the load again. Howard said no but Sal said it wasn't as bad now. He let him show it and everyone was grossed out again by it.
Howard said Gary has to do it. He said Gary was begging to get in on it yesterday but today he wants out. Jason said Gary didn't think through the bit. Gary said he's right. Howard said he made the commitment and now he's backing out. He said of course Sal has a big load. He said he gets that it's disgusting. He said they talked about this for 2 hours yesterday. He said he should have known what it was going to be. Gary said Sal isn't done yet. Sal said he has the whole week to do more to it.
Howard said Gary talked about it for 2 hours on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and still didn't get it. He said 2 seconds later he's tapping out.
Richard said they should be allowed to jizz on Gary's vinyl or something. Gary said he's really tapping out on this. Richard said he loves the idea of Jon Blitt camping out on his driveway until he does it. Howard said you can't just walk away from this. He said it's like being in the Mafia. He said you don't just walk away. Howard said he made a commitment and now he's walking away.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that maybe Gary thinks his load won't be up to the same standards. Howard said he might be right about that. Gary said it's not that at all.
Howard took a call from fake president Biden who was complimenting Sal on his load and what it's doing for the country. Howard said this will definitely come up in his yearly review. Sal said thanks for that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he called in when Gary got squirted on in 2006. He said this is the most disgusting thing. He said it beats out everything else on the show. He said it's so vile. He asked why though. He said it's just so disgusting. Howard said he doesn't even have the words to describe it. He said he has never gagged on the show like he did today.
Howard said if he were Gary he would just do it and drop a load while the hat is in the box.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said this might be Gary's biggest fuck up ever. He said he was listening yesterday and he was going to call in to get in on it and he wondered what Gary was doing. He said he has to do it now. Gary said he doesn't have to do it. Ralph said yes he does. Gary said no he doesn't. Howard said Gary may lose face but he won't lose those teeth.
Howard asked Gary what his plan was yesterday. Gary said he was going to do it but then he saw it today and that sent him over the edge. Robin said she thinks this is the Jon Hein effect. She said that Gary and Jon are supposed to be on the same level and Jon has said he won't do this. Howard said Gary is thinking he should do what he does. Jon asked them not to drag him into this. Howard played a Baba Booey song parody about how he fucked up the show again.
Jon said that if he wants he can go over to Gary's house and blindfold him so he doesn't have to see it and he can block his nose so he can't smell it.
Ralph said let Al Michaels decide what happens. Howard said he should do that. He said Al is so masculine. He said he's one of the few men that can do play by play for any sport. He said he'll know what to do. He let Ralph go after that.
Howard said Gary just tapped out. He asked what he thought was going to happen. He said Gary must have thought Sal would be an empty chamber. Howard said that was an impressive load.
Will Murray got on and said that he thought about it for 3 seconds and didn't want in on it. He said he's not sure what Gary was thinking. Gary said he's a little slower than Will. Gary said he got caught up in the whole thing.
JD said he didn't even want to be part of it and it was his bet. He said he wanted nothing to do with it.
Howard said this is intense. Richard said the fact that Gary wanted to be a part of it was what made him want to do it. Howard said Richard could have backed out of the bet. Gary said he didn't lose the bet. Howard said no but Richard could have backed out and blown up the whole system.
Robin said she's thinking that they should take Gary's horn and have everyone jizz in that. Gary said she can take that and shove it up her ass for all he cares.
Sal said he's got his wife and kids at home and it's not easy to do this. He said he has to jack off and his wife will probably yell at him for that. He said that Gary is just throwing in the towel on this. Howard said he thinks he's done with this. He told Sal to yell at Gary in Italian. Sal did that for a minute. He went off on him and Gary shot back at him but Sal said he's a disgrace. Howard said he can't take Gary's word for anything now. Gary said that's the cross he has to bear.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Owen Wilson who was saying he'd love to cum on that cap. Howard let him go and said he has Al Michaels coming in next. They went to break after Howard did a live commercial read.
Howard came back and talked about the David Bowie song and how beautiful that is. He said Al Michaels will be calling Super Bowl LVI this Sunday on NBC. He said Al is ready. He said it's great to see him.
Al said he's been coming on the show since 1988. Howard said that's right. He said he's been tracking it. Al said he was out for the Grammys on radio row and he remembers being there at the Roosevelt Hotel. He said Howard had no idea who he was but he wasn't afraid to mention Howard's name on the Olympics. Howard said that's a great story. He said that he was so comfortable on air that he would mention someone's name and work it into the broadcast. He asked how he worked his name into it. Al said that it was a hocky game and they had a bad call against the United States team. He said the audience was screaming ''Bullshit'' over and over. He said he had to say something so he said that if you tune into Howard Stern the next morning he'd be able to tell you. He said it got him some play and it got him on the show in 1988.
Howard asked what he's worked into a broadcast that was hard to work in. Al said he threw a name he made up and no one knew what he was talking about.
Al said that Howard thought he was retired a few weeks ago. He said he tuned into a game and heard his voice. He said that Robin came in and said that he's on the air. He said that he'd like Robin to be his Valentine. Robin said she accepts. Howard said you know what that means. He said he's going to have some Valentine's day. He said his head is going to spin.
Howard said he heard Al's voice on that game and as soon as he hears it he knew it was Al. He said he doesn't watch sports but he knows his voice. He said he has such a rich history with the show. He said he hasn't spoken to him in a long time. He said he's seen everyone come and go on the air. He said that everyone is gone but Al is still on. He said he has had this longevity. He said it has to be the quality of his voice. Al said he's not crazy about his own voice but it's about getting to the game and being prepared. He said you have to be in sync with the audience. Al said he's doing the Super Bowl this weekend so he would like to him to tune in. Howard said he will. He said he always watches the Super Bowl.
Howard said to do football you have to know what you're talking about or people will eviscerate you. Al said everyone knows so much because the have access to this information. He said that people know far more than you think. He said for him he has to find stories that will enhance the game. He said you don't want to beat people over the head with things they've already heard. He said you get on a show like that and the synapsis of your brain opens up. He said he used to get nervous but he's able to calm himself down and realizes that 2/3 of the country isn't watching.
Howard said no one is there to hear your opinion but when you have that many people listening you want to tell them to get vaccinated. He said that you must want to do things like that. Al said when people tune in they want to watch the game and not hear that. He said there's a lot going on right now and they have to have a meeting about what they want to bring up or not bring up.
Howard asked how many Super Bowl games he's announced. Al talked about the first one he did and how he had OJ there with him. Howard said that has to be a rush to do that. He asked if you still feel that rush. Al said he still gets it. He said he doesn't think that Retirement is right for him. Howard said he thinks that it would be okay for him. Al said that this is intoxicating and exciting. He said that Howard thought about retiring a few years ago and he was going to call and tell him he can't do it. He said he has to get on the air and do something. He said that he can do a lot of things and you just have to keep your brain stimulated.
Howard said OJ is out there at bars and playing golf and it's unbelievable. He asked if it blows Al's mind. He said it's mind blowing to him. Al said he doesn't follow him but he does hear about it on Howard's show. He said OJ does not have a better life than they're having. He said it's just not possible. Howard said he hopes so.
Howard said he knows Al loves the sport but he has to lock himself in a room and know everything. He asked how he does it. Al told Howard that he knows the Rams very well but he'll have to get to know the Bengals. He said he will do a deep dive on them. He said it's fun. He said that they'll meet with the guys and they do that for every game. He said that you get a feel for them and you get some trust there. He said they get to know them too. He said that they give them some good stuff and it helps them be guided in the right direction. He said it's like studying for a final exam every week. He said they have so many people to remember. He said you want to be informed about these people. He said you get lucky from time to time. He told a story about a game where Russell Wilson threw a play that was intercepted by Malcolm Butler and he was able to get it out immediately. Howard said it's high stakes announcing.
Howard said Chris Collinsworth is being accused of being biased because he played for the Bengals. Al said there are fans that look at the game and listen with their hearts and not their ears. He said there are some people who think Chris hates every team. He said he doesn't. He said that the truth is hard to accept from time to time. He said that people get upset over anything they say. He said he'll be walking around with Chris and someone will ask him why he hates them. He said people will yell out to him about it being a ''farcical'' play or something.
Howard asked Al if he sees people in the game who get thrown off by how huge it is. Al said people are trying to be cool and calm but when you get into a game like this it's just a game for some. He said you can get over hyped. He said he likens it to a horse race. He said you have to come out nice and cleanly and let it develop. He said the players are the same way. He said it's still just a game but it is the Super Bowl. Howard said the Chiefs were up by so many points and then they get tight and don't want to blow it but then they play too tight and they lose.
Al said that Howard is good and he should bring him in if Chris gets laryngitis. He said that Howard is right about that game. He said they were too tight. He said they over thought what they were doing. He said the Bengals were still in it and they came back.
Howard said it's amazing how young the guys look in the game now. He said he's getting older and he sees how young they look. He asked if this Joe Burrow is a nice kid. Al said he hasn't met him yet but they will meet this week. He said he's just 25 years old but he's older than Mahomes. He said that he is well positioned and well groomed. He said nothing seems too big for him. He said he's very good and a lot of the players are saying the same thing. Howard asked what his personal life is like. Al said he thinks he has a girlfriend. He said he doesn't have a wife.
Howard said JD is going to the game so he might have to have him in to make some calls. He said it'll be the biggest thing since he worked with Dennis Miller. Al said it would be great if they had a spike in viewers with JD in here.
Howard said he thinks it works best when Al works with someone who has played the game. Al said that or a coach. He said that he had John Madden for 7 years and Chris for 14. He said that Dennis Miller was great too though. He said that he loved working with him. He said with Dennis so much of his comedy is visual. He said you see him and see the face. He said Garry Shandling was the same kind of guy. He said that was part of the act. He said with Dennis they didn't see that but he did. He said he had a lot of fun with him for those 2 years he worked with him.
Howard asked Al who the GOAT is to him. Al said Madden and Tomlins were great. He said Tim McCarver was great with baseball. He ran through some other names. He said those are great guys. He said that one of the things is if someone comes off he sideline and has great knowledge of the sport it's great. He said the guys who think of themselves as broadcasters are the ones you want. He said that they know how to communicate and talk to the audience. He said you can talk about the technical stuff but that will turn off the audience. He said the guys like Madden know how to connect. He said they were the greatest.
Howard said he thinks of his audience as talking to one person. He asked Al if he thinks like that. Al said he thinks about what he likes to hear when he was younger. He said that the announcer is like the singer giving the lyrics. He said you have to match the lyrics and the melody. He said that's what you try to do. He said the game has a pace to it and you try to match that.
Howard asked if a partner can throw you off. He said that you have your rhythm going and if someone comes in at the wrong time it can be a disaster. Al said the three man booth is very hard. He said if you have two other analysts in there then they're fighting for time. He said he loved doing the three man team in baseball. He said Tim McCarver was great in that.
Howard said he hears that with bands too. He said you have to think about the entirety of the broadcast and you have to give it room to breathe. Al said you have to think of it as a team. He said everyone wants to get into it. He said you have to go back and forth. He said he and Chris can go anywhere. He said Chris knows a lot about a lot of things. He said they can have fun doing the back and forth thing together.
Howard asked if Al's dad got to see his success. Al said he did. He said he died in 1983 but he had done some stuff by then so he got to see that. He said he got to see him do a lot of college football and things like that.
Howard asked Al what it's like to do a number 1 broadcast when he's doing football. He said he's out now at Sunday night football. He asked why that is if he was number 1. He asked what they're up to. Al said he wouldn't say they don't want him. He said he signed a contract a few years ago and they had Bob Coastas retire. He said that they have to have a succession plan. He said he's ending his time on Sunday night football but he may not be done at NBC. He said they're talking. He said that at a certain point you should be done but he may have screwed it up. He said that it's a weird time in the business. He said they have all kinds of deals going on and thing are in play right now. He said he wanted to enjoy this season and he didn't want to be distracted by things this season. He said after Sunday he'll have some clarity of thought and he'll see what he can do.
Howard said Al still has his timbre and he doesn't get this. He said if he wants to say ''fuck NBC'' then he can do it now. Al said he'll leave that up to Howard since he's been saying it for years. Howard said the still hired him to do America's Got Talent over there. He said sometimes they like it when you say fuck NBC.
Howard asked if he's going to pull a Leno and bump this Mike Terrico off the Sunday night broadcast.
Howard said that Gary talked about seeing Al out at dinner one night. He said you walk in and you get this adoration from men. He said that he must get that a lot. Al said that Howard hasn't been out lately but he should. Howard asked what his philosophy is with this COVID. He asked how he functions. Al said last year was even worse. He said there were no fans but the had to wear masks on the air. He said that was a bit of virtue signaling. He said that they were facing a field 100 yards away. He said there's supposed to be a mask mandate in L.A. but there were people not wearing them. He said you do what you can to stay healthy. He said he has to get out there and be around people. He said you try to protect yourself the best you can.
Howard asked if he goes out to eat at restaurants. Al said they eat outside. He said they have a ton of places that have extensions outside. He said they eat at home a few times a week on and on the road. He said you try to eat outside if you can. He said you do the best you can to stay healthy.
Howard said Al must know what he's doing and he's just laying low now. Al said he doesn't know what he's going to do. He said that he's not the lone ranger here. He said you need the right people around you to make a show work. He said he can't just work with anyone. He said Robin has made the show for him all these years. Howard said he agrees. He said that anyone else would fuck him up. He said Robin is his person. He said he gets that. He said that Al left a broadcast when Madden left one years ago. He said that's why he did it. Al said that's when they moved the broadcast from ABC to ESPN. He said they took his director and producer and Madden left. He said that he was the guy stuck out here with other people. He said he had just done 20 years with those people. He said he made the move to NBC at that point.
Howard said that Joe Buck is the one making the big money but he's not sure why. He said that Al should be making more than Joe. Al said those numbers are farcical. He said that he loves Joe too. He said that Howard got smitten with Joe for a while. He said he was kind of upset about that. Howard said he can come on the show anytime. He said that he must pay attention to those other guys. He asked Al if he ever thinks that they're the worst and how can they be making more money than him. Al said not with Joe or Jim Nance. He said those guys are damn good. He said sometimes he wants to reach out to some of the younger guys and tell them what to do. He said it's easy to be jealous and critical of people in the business but he's rather have sunshine and warm thoughts. He said he wants to have warm thoughts about Robin.
Howard said that some of these guys are making $10-12 million a year. He said that Al should be making that kind of money. Al said his agent is great. He said he's the Don Buchwald of sports television. Howard said Amazon has a billion a year to pay him. Al said he has done very well. He said he hasn't been off a payroll for 50 years. He said he's doing fine.
Howard asked Al what's going on with his health. He said he seems to be healthy. Al said he has no problems really. He said that he was on the show years ago and he called his wife a middle aged babe. He said now she's on the upper end of middle aged but still a babe. He said he's very lucky. He said he doesn't eat vegetables. He said that he will eat fruit and potatoes. He said he takes vitamin C things like that. He said he's not taking Metamucil like Howard does. Howard said he might not have enough fiber. Al said everything works so what can he say. Howard asked if he has any back issues at all. Al said he did a few years ago. He said aside from that he's got nothing. Howard asked if he has an enlarged prostate. Al said if he has too much liquid at night he might have issues. He said he's not up all night. He said he'd like to sleep more than he does but he's doing okay.
Howard and Al talked about how they sleep but then they wakeup and think about thousands of things in the middle of the night. Howard said he has a note pad by his bed and he will write stuff down. Howard said if you get it down on paper you forget about it. He said it relieves the stress.
Howard said Al will eat an entire meal during the commercials during a game. Al said not really. He said he will have some pizza or a half sandwich during half time. He said he's not sure where Chris came up with that. He said he has no idea what he's talking about.
Howard asked Al if he had to pick a sport he said he would pick hockey to do play by play on. Al said it's a great sport to watch in person. He said football is fairly easy. He said baseball you have time to weave in stories. He said hockey is tough. He said it's continuous. He said that's hard to call. Howard said he'd have to study and do a deep dive if they asked him to do that job. Al said you do. He said that when he signed on with ABC in 1977 they were going around the world doing stuff and he had to go to Europe and call the world barrel jumping finals in Illinois. He said he broke into it big time after that.
Howard said he bets that Al did the best job he could with that barrel jumping. Al said he did. He said you have to. He said he started his career in Hawaii doing minor league baseball. He said that he had to do his best job there because people heard him doing it over there and that person recommended him to Cincinnati to be an announcer. He said that led to him doing that and then doing the World Series at 27 years old. He said that was a big deal for him. He said all he could think about was for air to come out once he tried talking. Al said he did the World Series in 1972 and then in 2022.
Howard asked if he as a good athlete. Al said he was okay. He said he was coordinated. Howard asked what it was that made him want to do this job. He said he knows he worked with Chuck Barris picking people for The Dating Game. Al said he had just gotten married so his wife wanted to keep an eye on him over there. He said he loved Chuck Barris. He said that led to the Hawaii thing. He said Chuck was at his wedding. He said he was in the receiving line and he came up to him asking when he was available after his honeymoon. He said that led to a lot of fun times.
Al said he wanted to get into sports announcing because he loved the games he went to. He said he used to go to games with his dad. Howard said that's how he got the love of the game. He said he wasn't a prick. Al said his dad as 18 when he had him. He said that his mother was too. He said his mother was great too. He said she was the kind of mother who would come to the school and get him out of class to take him to the race track. He said she loved gambling and she'd take him to the race track so she could bet on the horses. He said one time she took him and a friend out of class. He said it all got blown apart when she tried to take three kids out of class to the track.
Howard said it's great that they got him into all of this stuff. Al said that they were able to get him into something he loves and he got to listen to Howard Stern for the past 36 years. Howard said you have to be razor sharp to pull the stuff out of his head that he does. Al said he's fairly good at that. He said if he sees it play out as a tapestry in his head that's how it works.
Howard said he noticed that he's holding a pen in his hand. He asked what's going on there. Al said he's not sure what it is. He said that it's something he just does. He said he has to have something in his hand. He said sometimes he'll take notes. He said it's not a crutch but if he needs it then it's there. Howard said he thought he was a Bob Dole fan or something.
Howard asked who the best boss is that he's worked for. Al said Dick Ebersol brought him over to NBC and he made them the center piece over there. He said Dennis Swanson was another one. He said he was at ABC. He said that he never would have become the guy he did without him. He said that they put him with Frank Gifford. He said this was in 1986. He said that he's been doing prime time football ever since. He said it's been 36 years now.
Howard said Al was at the very first Super Bowl. Al said they got 45 yard line seats. He said he was there with his brother. He said he remembers it very vividly. He said it wasn't called the Super Bowl at the time. He said there were 33,000 empty seats at the time. He said that it was a national holiday too. Al said he has a lot of memories. Howard said what a career he's had. He said he was there for the miracle on ice. Al said it happened and there were some amazing things that have shelf lives. He said that this has lasted for 42 years. He said it came at a good time. He said they had a lot going on in the country. He said the game was something else. He went over how it all came about and what a great speech the coach had for them when they had to play Finland a few days later.
Howard asked if Al ever took voice lessons. Al said he was born in New York. He said he moved to L.A. but he thinks that his accent stopped halfway across the country. He said that you can kind of hear some New York in there. He said you can't have an affectation. He said it's hard enough to do the game without thinking about that stuff. He said it's just natural.
Howard asked who he listened to in the bushiness when he was coming up. Al said one as Vin Scully. He said that the other one was Curt Gowdy. He said that he did a lot of sports coverage. He said he wanted to be a lot like him but he would go out and hunt and fish and stuff. He said that fish isn't for him so he didn't want to do that kind of thing.
Howard asked if he went to the John Madden funeral. Al said he did go to a service. He said that was a few weeks ago. He said they're going to have another service for the fans soon. Howard asked if they asked him to speak there. Al said they did not at that one. He said John's sons did make a speech. He said that they were great.
Howard said he has a friend who was telling him about John Madden and how he met him when he was a kid. He said John met him as a kid and he found out he played football and came to the games to teach them how to play. Al said that's how John was. He said he was a brilliant man. He said he spent 7 years with him and he has great memories. He said that he was the kind of guy who would drive across the country in a bus to get to know it. He said he'd go to places you've never heard of just to get to know the area.
Howard said he has a tough one for him. He asked Al if he can only let one guy live, Collinsworth or Madden. He said he has to throw one overboard. Al said John's not here so he has answered the question. He said he's probably throw Chris overboard since he can swim to shore. He said John would sink. Howard said that says it all. He said this will be Al's 11th Super Bowl. He said the guy has been to 11 Super Bowls. Howard asked if Tom Brady is really gone. He said there's a rumor saying he will go back to New England. Al said he might go back to get signed for one day to retire as a Patriot. He said only Howard could figure it out if he interviewed Tom. He said that Tom would listen to Howard every morning when he lived in Boston. He said that everyone was jealous of Howard when he got to interview Tom. Howard said what a career that guy had. He said he thinks he could do another season. Al said he thinks he could. He said he led the league in touchdown passes this season. He said he had a great season. He said he asked Tom about what he'd like to end a season with. He said he and Chris felt like he would retire than not retire this season. He said he could have played next year but maybe it's his time. Howard said they say that Bob Kraft was upset that he didn't mention the team when Tom announced his retirement. He said he imagines that the ending wasn't so great when he left. Al said he thinks that Tom had to move on. He said that you have to divest yourself earlier than later. Howard said they should have kept him for another year or two. Al said that he was there for 20 years. He said that's a long time. He said Tom loved that he was able to go to a southern team and be able to practice outside. He said it's not easy to practice in the cold. He said he thinks that it had something to do with that. Al said you never know when someone is really done. He said it might be the right time for Tom to move on. He said that he may get into broadcasting but maybe that will be down the road. He said Tom will be successful in whatever he does. He said he thinks it may be more than a couple of years down the line that he gets into broadcasting. He said Peyton Manning would be terrific at it too. He said he gets into the specifics. He said he thinks that Peyton and Brady will get it and they will be good at it.
Howard said he thinks NBC letting Al walk out the door is a big mistake. He said he thinks he's in shock. He said this is bullshit. He said everyone loves him and he's doing great. He said he has the number 1 show. Howard said he must be pounding his head into the ground. Howard asked who his boss is over there. Al said ''Uhhh... OJ.'' Howard asked who the boss is over there. Al said he's got a lot of bosses. Howard said he has to be in shock. Al said he's very lucky that he had this job. Howard asked if he feels betrayed at all. Al said not at all. He said he thinks that they had a succession plan in place. Howard asked if his boss is this Pete Bevacqua guy. Al said he's heard of him. Howard said he knows a lot of these guys don't get it. He said this Pete guy might be a moron. He said he's trying to put his stamp on things. He said ask New England how that worked out when they tried to put their stamp on things.
Howard said England has a succession plan but you don't see the queen giving up her position. Howard said he's going wherever Al goes. Al asked if he's going to be in the basement or attic. Howard said he's in his basement. He said Al's backyard looks nice. He asked how big it is. Al said its 5,000 square feet. Howard said he's sorry to hear that. He said that Al is doing great. He said god bless him. He said he's so macho. He said he wishes he had some sports knowledge. He said he's busy talking about The Bachelor. Howard said Al could announce anything.
Howard asked if Al could call golf. Al said he has. He said he plays it too. He said they had it in prime time and they wanted him to do it at ABC for years. He said he wants to play golf, not call it. Howard said what a career he's had. He said there are a bunch of people doing something and he's describing it. He said there are only a few guys who do it well. He said Al is one who does it well.
Howard said he looks forward to the conversation he has with JD at the Super Bowl. Howard had JD get on so they could hear what that would be like. Al asked JD a question about a play and JD responded with some uh's and um's. Howard said that they just went from 100 million viewers to 50 million during that game.
Howard asked Al who he thinks is going to win. Al said he can't say. He said eh's not good at what kind of thing. He said he loves sports because of that. He said that he just hopes it's a good game. He said predictions are like astrology. He said that he wants to stay on the air as long as he can.
Howard said sports radio shows are ridiculous. He said they argue for hours about who is going to win. Just wait until Sunday and watch the game.
Howard said they don't want a blow out game on Sunday. He said you want to keep the audience and not have to kill time talking. He said that he will watch the game on Sunday. Robin said that he won't be up for the whole thing. Howard said he has to work his name into the game somehow. Al wrote that down with that pen he was holding. Howard said he knew he would need that pen for something. Howard thanked Al for being on. Al asked if Robin is going to be his Valentine on Sunday. Robin said of course. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said he looks terrific. He said he wonders what his secret is. He said he has these three guitars on his wall and he can't even play them. He said he's not sure what he's doing with them there. Howard said this was fun. He said he has to end the show. They were done around 10:35am.
Howard started the show talking about how people call him a shock jock in things he reads about himself. He said he'd think he's a comedian. He said maybe people don't think he's funny but just shocking. Robin said that would have to be his general demeanor if he's going to be labeled that. Howard said if he was a true shock jock he'd just say ''Jissum'' all the time. He said yesterday's show was kind of shocking. He said even he was shocked. He said maybe he's not a shock jock if he shocks himself. He said after 40 years in the business he'd like to be called a shocked shock jock. He said he saw Sal's jizz all over Richard's cap. He said he has to get to some feedback about that.
Howard said they have to talk to David Spade and Dana Carvey this morning. Robin said she listened to one of their podcasts and they give you a lot of behind the scenes stuff from Saturday Night Live when they were there. She said she found it interesting.
Howard said he was shocked yesterday. Robin said they were all shocked. She said it was amazing on everyone's part. She said no one knew what it was going to be like to see Sal's jizz on that cap. She said it was shocking and disgusting. She said it was like the Hindenburg going down. Howard said there was a lot of it covering up the Chiefs logo. Robin said it was still dripping too.
Howard said Slash has a band called The Conspirators featuring Myles Kennedy. He said he didn't know about this. He said he didn't know Myles Kennedy. He said this guy has a great set of pipes. He said he has a great look too. He said they came into their L.A. studios and did a cover of Rocket Man and a song called River is Rising. He said they gave them the performance to put up on their app. He said he's very honored. He said it's always fun to watch Slash. He said he was watching him and saw Slash wearing a baseball cap. He said he saw that and figured that's what he does for this band. He said he thinks you'll like the songs the did for them. He said they have a lot of stuff up on the app so check that out.
Howard said he wants to play Rocket Man first. He said that Slash doesn't always steal he moment. He said he does a cool move with his guitar. He said he'll take the slide to do the slide guitar part. He said he whips it out for a part of Rocket Man. He said he really wishes he could play guitar like that.
Howard started to play the song but it started in the middle so he gave up. He said he wanted to play the whole song. He asked the guys where the whole song is. No one was answering. He said he's too tired from handling his mom's issues to yell at anyone. Gary got on but Howard told him not to do it because he's already in trouble with the Richard's hat thing. Gary said he's not sure what's going on but he didn't want to leave him hanging there.
Howard said last night he had the whole song. He said he's not sure who made the decision to cut it. He said he's sure Slash wasn't hoping that he started the song in the middle. He said he did this great performance and now he's playing it from the middle. He said Will is brave and coming on to tell him what happened. Will said he just wanted to clarify that this was the version that was given to him last night. Will said the did send him the video link. Howard asked if he has to check everything. Will said no and they'll have the whole song in a minute.
Howard said when someone tells you they're the biggest fan and they don't listen then they're not the biggest fan.
The caller said she listens to everything on Howard 100 and 101. Howard thanked her for that.
The caller said she'd like to know about dealing with personal things and what it's like to split it with family and the show and how he handles that. She said she wants to know how to balance all of that. Howard said he has to ask Robin what she just said. He said he fell asleep halfway into that question. Robin said she wants to know how he balances professional and personal stuff in his life. Howard asked why she didn't just say that. The caller, Nicole, said that she can't believe she even got through.
Howard said the thing is that you can't balance your personal and creative life. He said there isn't a minute in his day where he's not thinking about the radio show. He said it's not great to be in his life personally. He said there's not a minute that goes by when his head isn't up his own ass. He said if you're not neurotic then you're not going to be good at your job. He said he can only focus on one thing at a time. He said he told his wife this morning that he can't do both with this stuff with his mom.
Howard said he was dealing with his mom and the show last night and he can't do it. He said it's very difficult to have a creative life and have it interrupted.
Nicole asked if he feels guilty about that. Howard said always. He said there's not a day that goes by that he doesn't feel guilty.
Howard said he doesn't have good advice for her. He said he still doesn't have the clip of Rocket Man. He said that William Shatner wants to sing his version so he had him do that. Fake Shatner came on and did his version of the song. He didn't let Howard interrupt him. He was insulted when Howard did talk over him. He had to keep going with the song. Howard said he's fantastic.
Howard said he now has the Slash version of the song. He thanked Bill for doing his version. Robin said she's glad that came through because she was afraid that they'd have to go through another verse. Howard said he was told there's another 45 minutes of his version. Bill kept doing his song so Howard closed the door on him.
Howard said it is possible to balance your life. He said earlier in his life he was really bad with his job and his personal life. He said he went to therapy and got some balance in there. He said he is able to have a life with his kids and wife.
After the song Howard said that was beautiful. He said you'll enjoy seeing it on the app. He said the do a song called River is Rising too. He said they'll be doing a Saturday Soundtracks special this weekend too. He said they have a lot of stuff happening over there. Robin said she'd love to know what Slash thinks is great. Howard said you'll see.
Howard said Slash is so good on guitar. He said that you wouldn't think he'd be able to play guitar with his look. He said same with Myles. He said there you go. He said the new album ''4'' is coming out on the 11th.
Howard said he has to get to JD and Jon Hein. He said he's sending JD to the game and Jon wants to talk about the bets they have going this year. He said the game starts at 6:30 on Sunday. He said he can't watch that game. He said it's too late for him.
Howard read some of the stats for the game and what the over under was for it. Howard said they have to get an update on Richard's hat too. He said Sal came on it yesterday. He said that's part of the bet. He said Richard will be wearing that cap. Howard asked Sal what happened after yesterday's show. Sal said he thought long and hard about it and he's better off saving up for once a day. He said he will have a second one today. He said he can do it during the show again. He said he'll do another weigh in today. He said Richard looks really disturbed by this. Richard said he is. He said that was really gross yesterday. He said it shook him yesterday. Howard said it shook them all. He said it was the visual of it that shook them. Richard said it really was. Howard asked if he was shocked by the volume of the load. Richard said that was it. He said he's 50 and it covered everything. He said it was vile. Howard said they know it's vile because Richard is grossed out by it.
Howard said Chris Wilding is that load was bigger than anything he's seen other than in porn. He said Sal isn't using anything special to do that. Sal said not at all.
Sal said today he's planning on shooting it inside the hat where it meets Richard's head. He said that way it'll be stuck to his pink head. Sal said Chris was disgusted by him but he's looking at him like a totally different person. He said he's enamored. Howard asked if he was shocked by the amount that came out. Sal said he was. He said he didn't know what was happening there.
Chris said he was shocked by Sal's cock mould and now this. He said he has been with 20 year olds who don't have that much of a load. He said between that and the Photoshop of JD with a big cock he's in big trouble. He said he'll be in trouble when they go back to the office. Howard said it's out of hand. Chris said he can't cum like that. He said he won't be able to perform like that for the hat when he gets it. He said Sal had a big, chunky load. He said it was dripping and viscous. Howard said it sent the scale way up too. He said it changed the weight of the cap. Chris said that was a monster load.
Chris said he's up in Canada right now. He said he's not sure who he's going to get the cap. He said he's up there taking care of his grandmother and he's not sure how he's going to handle this. Howard said he can jerk off in the bathroom. Chris said it's going to be very awkward. He said he'll have to lie about what he's doing and cut off his mother's radio. He said it's a mess up there and it's horrible depressing.
Howard asked if Jon can get the hat to Chris. He said that he got it from Richard's house to Sal's house. Jon said when there's a will there's a way. He said he's done the drive before. He said he can get on a plane or whatever it takes. He said he'll get it there. He said he can wear it if he has to so there's no suspicion at the border. Howard said he's worried about this cap. Richard said it's like the Olympic torch now.
Howard said Jon will get the hat to him and he just has to get in the bathroom and cum on it. Chris said there's no problem doing it. He said if Jon can get him the hat then he'll do it. Jon said he can keep his mother and grandmother occupied. Chris said he does jerk off up there but it's like a military operation. He said it's a very unideal living situation up there. He said he has a room that his grandmother used to use. He said she's in another area of the house. He said he'll basically be jerking off in her room.
Howard asked if he's going to do it in the room. Chris said he can do it in the bathroom but he's not sure how that will work. He said he can go out and drive around and do it in the car if he has to.
Howard said Jason has to jerk off on the hat in his chicken coup because his wife won't let it in the house.
Howard asked Sal what the hat weighs today after the load dried. Sal said he can weigh it now. Richard asked if it smells. Sal said he has it in a bag. Richard told him to say what he wrote on the bag. Sal said he has ''Sal's work, don't touch.'' on it. Howard said the load raised the weight of the hat by a tenth of an ounce yesterday. Howard had him weigh it. Sal showed it and everyone was gagging and talking about how gross it was. Howard laughed. Sal weighed it and it was back to 3.5 ounces. Howard asked if it smells. Sal smelled it and said it smells like Richard. He said he's not sure if that's Richard or the load. He said it smells like cheese. Howard said his load may have improved the smell.
Howard asked what Sal is going to do now. Sal said during the break he'll drop another load on it.
Howard took a call from a fake border agent who said that he wants to make sure they know that any human semen crossing border lines will be considered biological war. He said they can't let it come across the border. Jon said he's going to do it anyway.
Howard said Richard is known for cooking his own shit in an oven so is he grossed out by this. Richard said of course he is.
Howard said Gary announced he won't be doing this after seeing this yesterday. He said he agrees with the audience that this is a bullshit move. Sal said that Jason is doing this and Chris is going to risk jerking off but Gary is running off. Howard said he put no pressure on Gary to do it and he was the one who volunteered to do it. Richard said it was a big deal that Gary was involved. Chris said that's why he felt good doing it. He said he feels weird about it now. Jason said this is all they were talking about yesterday in their meeting. He said Gary abandoned them.
Howard read some feedback from the fans about what Gary did. He said this really is fucking bullshit. He said he's agreeing with the audience. He said he knows it's gross but they knew that. Robin said he knew what he was going to do. He said it's not like they didn't tell him. Howard said it's just a fucking bummer.
Gary said he understands this but he's not going to do it. Howard said you don't volunteer for the army and then back out. He said once you're in you're in. He said he's Baba Backout. Gary said he's not going to do it. Richard said he can change his mind. Gary said that's not happening. He said he won't do it. Jason said this is even more of a let down than his pitch.
Howard took a call from a woman in Canada who said that Chris can use her house if he wants to. Howard asked if she's hot because she sounds hot. The caller said that she'd like to think so but she's not young anymore. Howard said he has to go. Sal said Gary took off when he took that call. Gary said he's there.
Howard read more feedback about Sal's load on yesterday's show. Howard said people were asking to see the load. Howard said people were livid about Gary. He read more feedback about that. He said that people said he should back out of paying his salary. He said they're right about that.
Howard said they polled the audience on the Wrap Up Show and 81 percent of the people said that he shouldn't able to back out. He said Michael Rapaport sent a song parody in but it's really bad. He said Michael was working on Only Murders in the Building and he held up production to record this song. He said he's serious about that. He said it's funny that you don't know one word of the song. He played the song after explaining that. Howard said Steve Martin was staring at his watch while he was recording that.
Jon Blitt said that he has a solution to this. He said Gary can jerk off into a jar and he can go pick it up and dump it on the cap. Howard said they can work that out off the air. He said you don't volunteer and then back out.
Gary said that Will is willing to come over to his house and jerk off on the hat in his chicken coup. Howard asked if they'll do it together. Jason said no but they can both do it in there.
Richard said he's sure that Jason will let him come over to do that too. Gary said that's just what he wants to do, drive 2 and a half hours to jerk off in a freezing cold chicken coup.
Sal said maybe he should be able to jerk off on something in Gary's house. Howard said someone suggested jerking off on Gary's dad's war medals. Gary said that wouldn't be cool. Howard asked Gary what they'd do it everyone was like him. Gary said he doesn't know. Gary said he didn't make the bet. Robin said he jumped in. Gary said he had 24 hours to think about it and backed out. He said it's like backing out of buying a house.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Gary thinks he's too good to do it. He said on the Wrap Up Show they were talking about it and how he was afraid of booking guests for the show. Howard said that's bullshit. Robin said on one is going to know he jizzed on the cap. Gary said he could explain but it will only lead to more ridicule. He said he goes into a lot of meetings with people and it might diminish him if they know he came in a hat on the show. Howard said how about the time the girl came in his eye. Gary said he didn't know that was going to happen. He said if he did he wouldn't have held the microphone.
Richard said Gary peed in a diaper on the show. Gary said that was 30 years ago. Howard asked if anyone has brought that up in a meeting. Gary said no but he thinks that people will think about it. Howard said Gary has never been rejected from a meeting over that diaper thing. He said the hat is the same story. He said he rests his case. Gary said some people might know. He said family members too.
Howard said JD wants to say something. JD said he agreed to do a bet. He said he agreed to show his penis to Richard. He said he mentally prepared to do that if he lost. He said if he had backed out of that there would have been hell to pay. He said come on Gary.
Howard said now Benjy is going to yell at him. Benjy got on and said that Gary is making promises to people in those meetings. He said he's backing out of this and he may not be able to keep his word. Gary said it's convoluted logic. Robin said they took Jeffrey Toobin back at CNN. Gary asked if you think of him as that guy who wrote a book or the guy who did what he did on camera. Robin said she thinks of the thing he did but she's still watching.
Howard said he was talking to JD this morning and he's such a player. He said he told him this morning that he was dropping Ryan Phillippe's name. He said he's getting him into parties out there while he's visiting. He said that everyone calls him Hollywood Harmeyer now. JD said that's what Jon Hein calls him. He said he came up with that years ago.
Gary said he's working on getting JD into the commissioner's party out there. He said the owners of the teams are there and any celebrity who wants to go is there. He said that they have tons of celebrities out there. Howard asked if Gary is worried that when he makes that call that they'll hear that he backed out of the bet and he's less of a man. Gary said he's not worried. He said he's more worried about who JD is bringing to the party. Howard told Jon not to go too nuts out there. Jon said he'll take it easy.
Richard said there are so many parties going on out there at the Super Bowl. He said he saw them in the parking lot. Howard said that's not what they're talking about. He said these are celebrity parties. He said this is a Ryan Phillippe party. Howard asked if he's still in touch with Samantha Bee. JD said they haven't spoken lately. Howard said he's sure that David Spade will be going to some of these parties. Howard asked if JD wants to sleep at Jerry O'Connell's house. He said he offered. JD said he doesn't need to do that. He said he doesn't like imposing. Howard said he's inviting them over. JD said it's alright. He said he has a place to stay so it's fine.
Howard said Jon has to take JD out shopping out there. He said he can't be wearing that shirt out to the parties.
Gary mentioned a hot daughter of one of the owners of the Chiefs. Gary said her name is Gracie Hunt. The guys were goofing on Gary about how obsessed he seemed to be over her.
Howard said Jerry O'Connell isn't big enough for JD. JD said that's not it. Howard said he'd go there just to see Rebecca running around in outfits.
Richard told JD not to go too crazy drinking out there. He said you want to remember the game. JD said he's not going to. He said he'll pace himself.
Howard said this Gracie Hunt is hot. He said she's got to be rich from the family owning the team. Gary agreed. Richard said they won't let him be a fan after hearing all of this stuff.
Howard said he heard that JD and Chris Wilding got into a fight over Being the Ricardos. JD said that he did and they were talking about movies and then they got to that and he said he liked that and Chris went off on him for liking it. He said he fought back over it and said Chris likes 90 Day Fiancee. Then the went back and forth arguing about that stuff. Howard said he's going to do great out there at those parties. Chris said he overreacted and he apologized to him privately. He said he thinks he's a little out there with his movie likes. He said then JD tells him that at least he has a fiancee. He said fuck you to him about that. Chris said he was in a bad mood so that's where that all came from.
Howard asked what they're supposed to be talking about instead of movies. Chris said it's a meeting after the show and he feels a little woozy after the show. He said that he was just annoyed with JD and he asked who gives a shit about any of that shit and they should just move on. Howard said he knows what he means. He said he likes to get down to business. JD said he can understand why Chris is on edge with the living conditions. Howard asked how long he'll be there. Chris said he was supposed to be back but then his grandmother fell. He said that has extended it until the end of this run.
Howard said he's not sure if he wants to talk about the Super Bowl bets. He said it's the same shit as usual. He said that JD will be at the game. He said Jon Blitt will be out there with him. Chris said he's such a good dude and he's happy for him that he's attached to this. Richard said he was at his house right after the show. Howard said he rented a car and got it done. Howard said Sal is going to cum on that hat again in a few minutes. Sal said he's going to dedicate his loads to people he loves. He said he's dedicating today's load to Robin Quivers. He said he's inspired to goof on Gary about anything he does wrong. He said he was getting a tingle yesterday when she was going off on him.
Robin said they're estimating that there will be over $7.6 billion in the gambling industry based on the Super Bowl.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he'd be on his knees thanking Howard for sending him to the game. JD said he would do that every day if he wanted him to. He said he is thankful. The caller said he should go to Jerry O'Connell's house too. He said everything is being handed to him. Rich said when he found out that he was sending him to the Super Bowl he cried. He said he cried very hard. JD said he can't just pull up tears. He said maybe he will out there. Howard said JD just rejected staying in the same home as Rebecca Romijn. He said imagine that. He said that she could end up nude in front of him.
Howard asked JD if he would stay at Jennifer Aniston's house if she asked him to stay. JD said he won't stay at anyone's house. He said he will visit but he won't stay over. Robin asked how he rejected Jerry. JD said he just said thank you but no thank you. JD said he wouldn't stay at Jimmy Kimmel's house either. Sal said he's like Hot Shit Harmeyer. Jon said he would say yes to Quentin Tarantino. JD said no. He said he won't stay at anyone's house. He said he'd like to hang out at their house but not stay over. He said it's a whole thing. Howard said how about Oprah's house. JD said no. Howard said he would.
Howard said he opened up a box from Robin the other day and it was Oprah's journal. He said she got him the journal. He said this is the greatest. He said he was getting all worked up over that. He said he has to get to the bets.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Mel Gibson got on and said that JD should stay at his house and after the game he can fucking blow him. He got all huffy and panted after yelling at him to blow him like in the clips they used to play on the show.
Sal showed Howard where his load is going today. He said it'll be on the sweat band part of the cap. Howard said Sal was hypnotized and made some Super Bowl predictions. He said he's not sure he has time to get to it. He said he has a lot he won't get to today.
Howard said here it is real quick. He said Scott Schmaren hypnotized Sal and asked him some sports questions. Sal predicted that the Bengals will win the game. He also predicted that the score will be 34-42 Bengals. The first team to score will be the Bengals. Howard said he probably didn't remember the Rams were playing in the game. Howard played a clip of Sal talking about the color of the Gatorade that will be poured at the end of the game. Sal said greenish yellow.
Howard asked Jon Hein for the three top ridiculous bets that you can make on this game. Jon said there's a bet on how long the National Anthem will be. He said that's a fun one to bet on. Sal said he'll bet $100 on the under. Howard said don't listen to what Sal says. He said when he was under he said some things that just aren't true. He said you can check out Scott's work at UltimateVisionaryMind.com
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what the border control is going to say when Jon tries to get over the border. He said they want to know what your business is. Jon said he is Canadian. He said that he will be honest about it. Howard said he has to record that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what time Jon will be coming up so he can stand there with a sign that says they welcome the Kansas City Chiefs Cum Cap. Howard said they'll try to let everyone know.
Jon said there's a bet on how many commercials will feature people in masks because of the pandemic. He said there's a bet on how many dogs will appear in commercials during the game.
Howard said he's having a hard time believing that Benjy could cum on that hat every hour. Benjy said he hasn't tried but he thinks he can do it. Howard said if he can god bless you. Benjy said his normal is once or twice a day. Howard asked if he thinks he could fill that hat with cum. Benjy said he doesn't have that much of a load. He said it's not like Sal. Howard said he has to take a break. He said good luck with that cap. Richard said they should be shaming Jon Hein for not cumming into that cap. Jon said he didn't offer to do it. He said how dare you. He said he'll be the one watching the cum dripping down his head instead.
Jon had another bet about how many times they'll have to bleep the half time show. Howard said that's right they have Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg doing a show. Howard said they must have been told they can't curse. Jon said there's a bet about Snoop and if he'll smoke on stage. Howard said he doesn't think he will. Chris said he thinks he will for sure. Howard said he'd take money that he won't do it. He said he might be bleeped but he won't smoke. Robin said he needs to be seen as someone who can be relied upon. Richard said unlike Gary.
Howard wished JD luck at the Super Bowl. He went over the stuff they talked to him about earlier. Howard said Jon Blitt is going to have to go through the border to get to Chris Wilding later this week. Chris asked him not to use his name at the border. He said use Gary's name. Gary said he's fine with that. Howard went to break after doing a live commercial read.
Howard came back and said he was watching The Bachelor and he's not sure why women are fighting over him. Robin said she's not watching this season. Howard said the guy has a great move. He said he only thinks about his dick. He said he always has his hand on their thigh when they're opening up to him. He said he talks to them and puts his hand on their thigh. He said the woman will be opening up to him about really deep stuff and he's licking his lips to move in for a kiss. He said then they finish opening up and he thanks them. He said then he moves in for the kiss. He said it's fucking wild. He said the chicks are fighting over this dude.
Howard asked the guys to move the mouse pointer that was on Robin's face. He said it looked like it was poking her in the eye.
Howard said he has word that the guys are there and ready to go. He said he'll get to Sal's update later. He said he wants to talk more about The Bachelor too.
Howard got David Spade and Dana Carvey on. He said they're two handsome devils. Howard said look at how handsome they are. He said David is checking his phone so he must have hot chick DMs. David got on but Dana had stepped away. He came right back.
Dana said he has some grey in his beard. Howard said they all do. Dana asked what his wife thinks of the scruff. Howard said his wife likes it. He said he can't get inside her head so he's not sure what that is. Dana said he had some scruff with Jerry Seinfeld on his Comedians in Cars show and he told him to get rid of the scruff. He said his wife likes it too though.
Howard said that brings up an interesting question. He said as a comedian you don't think about him as having a wife and making love to women. Dana said he never wanted to think of Don Rickles going at it. Howard asked Dana if he sees the absurdity in it when he makes love. Dana said the whole goal of sex is to get out of your own head and forget about judgment. He said he only has so many moves himself. He said he's not sure what to do next. He said you have to just be carnal. Howard said you don't see the humor in it then. Dana said it's funny. He said the least sexy thing that happens is when you finish and you make that face. He said if the other person laughs then that's the worst thing. David said that's the worst. Dana said sex is hilarious.
Howard asked David if he's watching The Bachelor. David said this guy this year is huge like the hulk. He said the girls are so teensy. He said they get picked up like babies. Howard said the girls are doing this move where the jump into his arms and straddle him. He said if his wife did that to him she'd knock him over. David said he's done that to girls. He said he's jumped into their arms. He said the girls are so in love with him in 6 minutes on that show. He said they just walked in.
Dana said he dated a girl who told him about a giant guy she dated and the guy would throw them around. He said he can't do that. David said Dana's wife is great. He said he's there when they have sex and he does a great job.
Howard asked Dana about being married and if it was a problem. He said he got married at 19. He said that can be a challenge. Dana said that he remembers doing a sitcom with Mickey Rooney. He said he was the biggest star in the world as he told him every day. He did his Mickey impression while telling the story. He said he told Mickey he got married early and he told him that money makes you handsomer. He said yes there is that whole thing. He said he has friends who were married early and they have long marriages. Dana said when Howard did Fartman and he was hosting the show they talked on his show about him getting a woman pre-fame. He said he asked how good looking she could be. He said his wife took out a cat suit and took a photo. He said she had a leather unitard and she took the picture. He said Mick Jagger and Michael Douglas hit on her but they weren't able to find Howard.
Howard asked about this new podcast they have. David said he and Dana go out and do things together and the girls all think Dana is cute. Dana said they have hung out a lot in the last 10 years and that's where this podcast came from. Howard said they talk about behind the scenes stuff from Saturday Night Live. He said they already revealed that in their day Adam Sandler was the Pete Davidson of the day. He said that Pete is known for dating all of these women. He said Adam Sandler was like that back then. He said he became a sex symbol and was being hit on by everyone.
David said Adam is still like that. He said he's always had that kind of thing going on. He said he was always taking his clothes off on the show and the women liked it.
Dana said the first time he met Adam he was very young and he had this confidence about him. He said he thinks he said it on the podcast that before he even hit bit he said he was going to put Smigel in all of his movies. He said he had a charisma and a confidence. He said he was good looking and had whatever you call it. He said young women liked him.
Howard said he's worried about their relationship. He said they're doing this podcast but when it comes to booking the show they have to pick up the phone and ask people to come on. He asked who does that. David said he thinks that's him. He said that's not easy but it's not that hard. He said they didn't start out to do it Saturday Night Live related but it ended up like that.
Howard said everyone has a podcast now. He said he worked his ass off to get where he is now but everyone can do it from their house now. Dana said that anyone who asks him about doing the show he tells them that they're doing the show this year and he's not sure how long it will go. He said he can't call up and ask people to come on. David said no one has said no yet. He said they end up talking about Saturday Night Live so that's sort of where they went with it. He said they didn't make the title with Saturday Night Live in it. He said that they do the show they don't have it as easy as Howard does. He said Howard has an Apple Store in his house so he can get his things fixed. He said he has a Geek Squad there too.
Howard said the other day Beth asked him to carry something in the house and she had 4 things in her hands. He said he told her she was doing fine. He said he gets lost in his house so David isn't exaggerating.
Howard said he thinks that Dana is doing the heavy lifting on the show. He said he thinks resentments are going to set in. He said Dana doesn't see himself as a host. He said David doesn't want to be the host either. He asked if Dana is resentful of that. Dana said oh yes. David said he and Dana had no talk about it. He said they don't listen to podcasts. He said the just get the feel for it and do whatever they do. He said Dana has more thought out things and he just fucks around more. Howard said David is being naive. He said that Dana doesn't want to do show prep. He said he has to be the guy who does it. He said there's a division of labor there. Dana said they're evolving. He said he did a podcast before that he'll be bringing back. He said when he preps for a guest he thinks about the things that interest him. He said that he likes the way Howard does his interviews. He said he likes to do the show that way. He said that they kind of call their thing a conversation. He said they've only done 20 of them so far. He said that he really does the heavy lifting on the show. David said he does have questions. He said he'll ask something dumb. He said if it gets too serious he'll ask something dumb. He said once they sit down they start talking and everything sounds like a question. He said they just want to have a discussion. He said that Mike Meyers was on and he asked him about what happened to the Sprockets movie.
Howard said he's shocked to hear that Mike came on with Dana. Howard said it would be great to have Mike on with Dana to work things out. Dana said he would have him on. Dana said they already have. He said they have become very close friends. He said he and Mike have so much history. He said that they're obsessed with the Beatles and they had the Wayne's World history. He said that he's more mature now. He said you get old and you get more wisdom. He asked if that Super Bowl commercial brought them back together. Dana said that was part of it. He said it's very nice to have a long friendship with someone. He said with the podcast they have that cast member thing that they all had. Dana said it can be kind of emotional thinking about all of that.
Howard said it's great to hear they got over their differences. He asked if they went out to dinner or something. Dana said they were texting more and started communicating more. He said he got to know him in a different way. He said everyone has a 10 year old boy or girl inside them. He said they get jealous and envious. He said he and Jon Lovitz used to joke about the competition. He said he and Mike became a comedy team by accident. He said that they had a movie and all of that. He said they were just riding that rocket. He said it wasn't personal.
Howard said Mike said he put Dana in the sketch because he knew it would get on the air if he had one of the strongest players on the show in the sketch. Dana said it's great to be open and honest with someone. He said at the time they were a team and he had come in there as a stand up. That led to Dana doing his Johnny Carson impression for Howard. Howard said he loves that sketch on Saturday Night Live when they did Johnny and Ed. He said he's shocked that got on the show because it was on NBC and Johnny didn't want to be made fun of. Dana said Johnny loved it. He said he would go on his show and he would play a montage of his impression. He said that he did do one sketch where he came off kind of senile. He said he didn't write that one. He said he put up a red flag for that one. He said he never went on the show again after that one. He said he just never herd from the guy again. He said Jay Leno told him that it was the style of the impression that he did that made Johnny yell out that because they're making fun of him now so it's time to go.
Dana said he loved doing that sketch so much. He said people have said that's their favorite sketch. He said he didn't care if he got laughs or not. He said it was just so funny. He said he just thought Phil Hartman was perfect in it. Howard said he'd like to bring back so many of those people who have passed away on the show. Howard asked who Dana would bring back. He said David would probably say Chris Farley. Howard said Norm Macdonald too.
David said they had Jim Downey on the show and he was there at Saturday Night Live and on Letterman. He said that he came back to write Update with Norm. He said they hear those stories yesterday and that podcast will be out soon. He said it's fun to hear the stories about how the first cast became superstars. Dana said they also learned that the show has been run the exact same way for the past 40 years. He said that they do the same things today they did at the start.
David said he and Dana have hosted and it's overwhelming to host. He said he was in 13 things and he was shitting his pants. He said it was too hard. He said he had 6 years of practice and he still wasn't ready for it. He explained what it's like to be thrown out there. Dana said that he had to see himself in a mirror to know what character he was going to play.
Howard said he didn't understand why it was so hard to host the show. He said he gets it now. He said it somehow magically comes together as they're going live.
Dana said that when you're the host you have to be in so many sketches. He said that he didn't think he'd be able to get off the stool to get out there the time he had to host last. He said he was the most tired he had ever been in his life. He said they work hard the whole week. David said you have to do shoots out on the street and then you miss out on the rehearsal stuff. He said there's so much going on and you get one shot at it and everyone has to do it live.
Howard said if the show wasn't live they could improve it. He said they could sort of do it live but put more in the can. Dana said he thinks it was inadvertently a reality show. He said he was doing a show with Michael Jordan once and he told him to just look at the card and read it off the card. He said Walken would just read his lines off the card. He said there are so many reality show things about the show.
Howard said he had Billie Eilish on the show and she said she had violet shitting and vomiting because it was so much pressure on her to host. Dana said it really is tough. David said they should have a bucket on the stage during the monologue. He said that's really tough.
Howard said David threw up when he hosted. David said he did throw up between shows. He said it's very stressful. He said it was too many sketches. He said it was nerves and COVID and other things. David said he has low blood sugar and he passed out. He said that everyone is stressed out.
Dana said he separated his shoulder doing a sketch. He said he had to trip over an ottoman and he thought he'd be alright when he slammed his shoulder. He said he had separated it and he still has to work on it.
Howard asked if Lorne Michaels would be on their show. David said he thinks he'd come on. He said he sees him all the time. He said he's always light and cool. He said everything they say about him is fun. He said that they all like him. Howard asked if they hear the rumors that Lorne might be replaced. David said there are rumors. He said they might have asked someone about that. He said it might have been Tina. Howard said he wouldn't want to be replaced if he were Lorne. He wouldn't want someone doing better.
Dana said that Lorne once said that trees are violent. Dana said that's what he said on a walk once. David's microphone went out so they couldn't hear him. They brought in a new microphone for him. Howard asked how good they are.
Dana said he thinks that Lorne is so whip smart that he attracts the Harvard and Yale people. He said that he attracts them over there. He said that Lorne would came in and say that the sketch has to breathe. David said he has a great laugh too. He said it's great to hear him crack up at read through. He said if you can get everyone laughing it's great.
Howard said they always talk about the read through and you try to hold back a little bit. Howard said Al Franken was the guy who told them not to put all of their energy into it in read through. Dana said he and Jim Downey worked together closely on stuff.
Howard asked about Al Franken and what happened to him. Dana said he felt like that was a little bit out there. Howard said he did too. Dana said that he called Al to find out how to help get a family member into the country. He said it's great to know a guy like that.
Howard said that Dana was offered the Letterman position before Conan took over. He said now that he sees how wonderful he is on the podcast if he thinks he should have taken that job. Dana said his wife really wanted him to do it. He said he wanted to do it and he thought about it for a year. He said Brad Grey got him the deal. He said he was going to get a million dollars for doing nothing. He said he does like it and he finds himself having some regrets. He said you should have some regrets. He said don't let them eat you alive.
Howard said he asked David if he could have an all star cast who would it be and Dana wasn't in it. Dana asked who was in it. Howard ran down the list and it had people like Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Kristin Wiig, Kate McKinnon, Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Phil Hartman and Tina Fey. Howard said he was shocked when he didn't hear Dana on the list. Dana pretended to cry over that. He said there's too many errors there. He said Bill Hader is missing. He said Martin Short is missing. Howard said David dissed so many people there.
Dana went through a list of his own for who he'd have on his Saturday Night Live. He said that he can't do it. He said there's just too many who would be missing.
Howard brought up Chris Farley and Dana said that one sketch that always kills is the van down by the river sketch. He said it was supernatural. Howard said it's great when David is laughing. He said that you weren't supposed to crack like that. David said back then no but now it seems to be okay.
Howard asked Dana who was the best host for Weekend Update. Dana said there were so many. He said he remembers the best stuff from when he was on. He said by the time they got to Update on their shows they had lost the audience. He said that Dennis Miller was great. He said he'd write like 100 great jokes in the back of his car. He said he was great. He said he'll have to go with him. That led to Dana doing his Dennis Miller impression for a few seconds.
Howard asked if you wonder what the fuck is happening when a guy can write 100 jokes in the back of a car. David said he's very prolific. He said that when you're around fast people like that it's like playing in the NBA where everyone is good. He said you get outside of that and it's not always like that. He said Dana is great and Nealon is great to hang around with too. He said everyone is good around you.
Howard said there was a sketch on Saturday Night Live that was really good. There were three stand up comedians getting ready to go on stage and they're like Jerry Seinfeld going ''So hey... what about this...'' Howard asked if it's hard to have to be witty all the time. Dana said most of the comedians he knows can go on for an hour about their lives. He said that anyone who is really funny just wakes him up. He said he loves it instantly. He did a Dennis Miller impression and told some jokes that he did.
Howard asked if you remember people's jokes when you're a comedian. David said for sure. He said you get together and you talk about other comedian's jokes. He said when you go to dinner you want to drop the act sometimes and just talk. He said funny stuff comes out from that too.
Howard asked David who he thinks was the best weekend update guy. David said he can't get Richard's jizz hat off his mind. He said that they should be horrified to be on the show with all of that going on.
Howard asked if David knows what parties he's going to this weekend for the Super Bowl. David said he isn't 31. Howard said he must be going out. David said they went to a party with Christina Aguilera once. Howard said he went over to introduce David to her but she didn't know who he was or who David was. He said that he introduced them and she just walked away. David said she went back into her genie bottle. Howard said it was the most fucked up thing he had ever done. Dana said that Nic Cage would have just asked if he wanted to send her flowers where should he send them.
Howard asked David who he would pick for the best Weekend Update host. David said he can't even remember everyone. Howard said just give him an answer. David didn't have anything.
Howard said he's getting back to Dana then. He asked Dana about the impressions he's doing and how he's doing Joe Biden. Dana did some of that impression. He told Howard how that has kind of evolved. He said it used to be all whispering stuff. He said then he started whispering in a patronizing way. He said that he's gotten louder and louder. He said then he'll go back to whispering. David said he still has the Trump thing going too. Dana did his Trump impression too.
Howard said he never should have left Saturday Night Live. He said he would elevate that show every week. He said he should have been a permanent guy there. Howard said David knows. David said that Dana does that show great. He said that's his pocket. He said that guy's got it. He said he would put him on his list.
Howard asked Dana if he still does his Paul McCartney impression. Dana said he does it but he has him doing the news. He said he can do the Joe Rogan bit. He did a bit where he had Paul talking about Joe Rogan and his anti-vax stuff. He was going on and on with that.
Howard said he saw Dana do the Red Rednecky character. He said he thinks he did it on Conan's show. He said this would be very bit on Saturday Night Live. Dana did some of that impression of a southern comedian with jokes that aren't so great. He had a catch phrase of ''Come 'n get soooome.'' Howard said he feels like he's in a pitch meeting for Saturday Night Live.
Howard said he's making commentary here. He asked who he's attacking here. David said he likes the east coast comedian he does. Dana said that guy has to be angry even though he's gotten rich and famous. He did some of that impression for Howard. He had Howard laughing at that one. Dana said that guy needs a catch phrase too.
Howard said these are the worst nightmares for those comedians to be making fun of them. He said it has to be. Dana said it's just a genre. David said it could be their biggest dream to be made fun of.
Dana did his Greta Thunberg and Al Gore impressions. He had them talking about climate change. He had David cracking up.
Howard said Regis Philbin lived in his building and he would see him at times. That got Dana doing his impression of Regis for Howard. Howard said Regis would greet everyone there and he was always Regis right up to the end. He said Dana always did such a great impression. Dana said it's fun to inhabit characters. He went into his Regis impression and talked to Howard as Regis. He said that he sort of took Groucho Marx's delivery and changed it. He said he puts him up as the best daytime host of all time. Howard said that's not an easy gig. He said he would agree with him on that.
David asked if they have any breakfast burritos there. Howard said they don't. He asked how often they're doing podcasts. Dana said they're doing one right now and they'll release this as a podcast. Howard said they had Tina Fey on the show and she said something interesting to them. He said she said that Letterman was the last scary late night talk show host. Howard said he was intimidated by Letterman. He said that he wanted to please him. He said that Dana was intimidated by him as well. Howard asked what he would do. Dana said that when Howard went on he kind of took over. He said he didn't think he was intimidated. He said even if he was nervous he'd do it. David said you go out there and you don't want to see that. He said you have to go out and pretend you're not.
David said he can't watch himself doing stuff. He said he shot his Netflix special last weekend and he can't watch it. He said that he asked Chris Rock to watch it and help him fix things. He said the had to have the audience wearing N95 masks and that's a laugh killer. He said that he asked Rock to do that and he's going to ask someone else to do it. Dana said it's a great idea to have a comedian friend do that for you. Dana said that he sees himself on camera and he's shocked. Howard said he gets depressed too. Dana said he has no chin. He said at least Howard has a chin. He said that's why he has the goatee going now. He said his face his sinking into his head.
Howard asked how they're dealing with aging. Dana said that he had a minor surgery a few years ago and he was out for like 3 hours. He said he woke up and figured that's what non-existence is like. He said that he was good with that. He said it was good to him. He said existence is not good for him. He said that he's fine going out and hoping it goes quick. He said he likes Howard and he sees things better with age. He said he'd like to just go to lunch with Howard. He said he tries to stay fit and eat the right stuff. He said he takes it easy on the booze. Howard said he stopped the booze a couple of years ago. He said he had to. He told the guys that the doctor told him to knock off drinking.
Howard said he got mercury poisoning from eating salmon too much. He said you have to be careful with that too. He said he had a mercury level of 34 instead of a normal 3.
David said he had to give up stuff and he didn't feel any better. Dana said that you do have to be careful with the booze. Dana said he does feel good. He said that he loves the old people who laughed and had fun. Howard said as long as you can get an erection. Dana said he can still get one quite easily. Howard asked if David does too. David said that he can still get a boner. He said lets get out of here.
Howard said he knows it's getting late. He asked if Dana does a Brad Pitt impression. Dana said he tries. He did some of that impression for Howard.
Howard said he does them all. Robin said Dana goes right into an impression when you mention a name. Dana said he's not as prolific as some but he has some fun with them. He said Howard's tone is difficult to get. He said he listens to Howard quite a bit lately. He said he has to listen a lot before it hits him. He said there's an impression there that will hit him. Howard said no one has ever been able to do a good one. He said they did one on Saturday Night Live. Dana said Elon Gold does one. He said he gets his tone and rhythm. He said that there are things peculating in his brain for Howard. He said he's got a Robin in the works too. Howard asked if he does a David Spade impression. Dana did one where he made noises.
Howard asked Dana if he saw that David sold his house. David brought up Rob Schneider. David also brought up Darrell Hammond who will be on their podcast this week.
David said he sold the house and someone asked him if he'd take Bitcoin. He said someone asked if he'd take a house in the metaverse too. Howard said you want cash.
Howard said David sold his house for 20 million. He said he has to be worth a lot. David said that he and Dana have the same business manager. Dana said they have the same talent manager too. David said they could start their own Bitcoin. Howard said they have a great chemistry together.
David said he had met Nicole Kidman on the show and he went to Australia a few months later to do a movie premiere. He said that she had no idea that he was in this movie Joe Dirt. He said that his buddy was there and tried hitting on her. He said he rubbed her leg and her bodyguards were freaking out. He said they whisked her out of there after that.
Howard asked if David ends that relationship after that happens. David said he did. He said it was toward the end. He said that friend said that she was being flirty with him. He said he was off the payroll after that.
Dana said he once went to dinner and sat next to Larry David. He said he had room to scooch over but he didn't. he said he just sat there. David asked if the Super Bowl is on yet. Howard said he gets it. He said he wants out of there.
Howard said Sal just came on the hat again so they're going to weigh it again after they leave. Dana said he'll listen to the show after this.
Howard said he's going to wrap it up since David is making him nervous. He gave the guys a plug for the podcast ''Fly on the Wall'' that they do together. He said it's on Pandora and Apples and other places. Howard said they're on Netflix too. He gave them some plugs for the specials the did over there. The guys thanked Ted Sarandos for that.
Howard asked if they get big bucks for doing those specials. David said that he gets scale plus 10. He thanked Howard for having them on. He brought up the guitars in his studio and wondered why they're there. Howard said he wonders the same thing.
Howard wrapped up with the guys and let them go a short time later. Howard asked Dana to do his Al Pacino impression as he's walking out. Dana did that for a few seconds. Howard said there it is. He let the guys go after that. He said it looks like David has to urinate. He said look at those two. He said that was fun.
Jason said that he's looking at a picture of it and it's coated. Howard said this is going to fuck up his whole weekend if they take a look. robins said they have to. Howard had Sal show it. Everyone let out a groan or a big ''Oh!'' when they saw it. Robin said that's worse than yesterday. Richard started to throw up. He was dry heaving. Howard said that's worse than yesterday. Sal said that's thanks to Robin because she inspired him to do it. Howard wrapped up and ended the show after that. They were done around 10:50am.