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Howard started the show talking about how he was in his car a lot this weekend and heard some of the show. He said it's very entertaining. He said he approves of the show. He said he was great and Robin was great too. He said they had some good bits and discussions. He said he wasn't able to turn it off. He said that people call and say the show gets them through tough times. He said he had some tough times this weekend so that got him through it.
Howard asked Robin to ask him what the best radio show is he's ever heard. She did that and Howard said the best show is the Howard Stern Show. He said they have a lot of funny people and funny voices on the show.
Howard said the truth is coming out about Betty White and they're saying that she was a cunt in real life. He said that a guy named Joel Thurm who was a casting director for The Golden Girls was on a podcast and he said that Bea Arthur and Rue McClanahan called Betty a cunt. He had some audio of the guy talking about that on this podcast. The guy also said that Betty would make fun of one of the other women on the show, Estelle Getty, when she had problems remembering her lines. Howard had the Golden Girls theme song with new lyrics calling her a cunt.
Howard said it's going to be a very challenging show today. He said he has a lot of technical problems. He said it's going to be hard.
Robin said she's not sure that one show should mark Betty's entire life. Howard said it often comes out after someone dies that someone is a cunt. He said he has a feeling it's true. He said he trusts Joel Thurm. He said some people thought he should open the show talking about Ukraine. He said that he thought he should open the show with Betty White. He said here are stories about Jerry Lewis being a cunt too. He said that there are stories about when he becomes a movie star in his personal life he wanted things his way. He said that he would be on the set and hire the hot actress as his co-star and then he'd have them march in and have them in his room to finger them. He said that's what he got out of that story. He said that he may have had a big penis. He said he keeps his in his pants. He said Jerry would lock the door with these women. Robin said he'd make it uncomfortable for the women and then try to get them to quit.
Howard said he thought there would be a headline of ''The nutting professor'' instead of the Nutty Professor. He said that didn't surprise him about Jerry. He said he didn't know he was that bad. He said it didn't really surprise him though.
Howard said he got a note from Jerry once about how he liked him as a judge on America's Got Talent. He said he still has that letter. He said that's almost more insulting than liking his radio show.
Robin said here was a time when they were at a roast and Jerry was yelling at him to stay but Howard was walking gout and didn't listen to him. Howard said that's pretty insulting to Jerry. He said he doesn't remember that at all. Robin said she's not sure why he'd call attention to him doing that. She said he made a big deal out of it and he was humiliated by it. Howard said he thinks that he sort of remembers that. He said he may have been going on and on and he wasn't being funny. Robin said it was just a long day and Howard had enough and wanted to go home. Howard said he seems to remember one of those roasts like that. He said his agent was a Friar and he went to the roasts with him. He said his agent said it would be fun but he didn't want to do anything like that. He said he went for Don. He said he just wanted them there so he went. He said he remembers sitting and thinking about his life and how many hours of it were going through that hourglass and he just wanted out of there.
Howard said he really doesn't remember the whole thing but he sort of does. He said most things in his life are horrible. He said that's why he walked out apparently.
Howard said this Betty White was so beloved and appreciated by so many people. He said that everyone is a cunt to someone. He said there you go. He said that was the headline. He said Betty White was a cunt. Howard said America's sweetheart was a cunt. Robin said she was an animal lover. She said she did good stuff too. Howard said she did. He said she mercy fucked Allen Ludden too.
Howard said he was always obsessed with Jerry Lewis. He said that he did some physical comedy that was impressive. Robin said she liked when he worked with Dean Martin. She said she knows Jerry did some great things but she didn't like him as an actor. She said she liked him when he played a cunt himself.
Howard said all of this stuff that Putin does goes back to not being loved as a child. He said we have a guy who feels like he's never full. He said he wants more and more. He said if he had a brother he'd say he'd want to kill him to get his mother's love. Howard said now he's imposing his will on the people of Ukraine. He said the soldiers for both sides must be scared. He said that they should go back and shoot their own leader. He said the man is a useless human being. He said both the republicans and democrats have to come together to come out against this Putin. He said they should support our president. He said this Putin is a stain on the world. He said the man is not a genius. Robin said he's a thug. Howard said he's a bully. He said he rides shirtless to show his body and it's not even that good. He said he used to see people running and they'd have their titties flopping around. He said that's what Putin is like. He said the man is a monster. He said he has never seen so much bravery as he has from the Ukrainian people. He said it's remarkable. He said he's glad they're imposing sanctions. He said the only people who will get to Putin are the oligarchs.
Howard said he had his daughter over for lunch one day and he was thinking about how this is going on in the world. He said there is no reason this guy needs more power. He said since COVID he's sequestered himself and he's getting more and more insane. He said this President Zelensky is standing up against him. He said it pains him that this is going on.
Robin said there's a mayor in one of the cities in Ukraine and he's a boxer. She said he's out there fighting with the people there. Robin said everyone is fighting over there and getting weapons to battle this Putin. Howard said a lot of arms are being sent to the country. Robin said thanks to Elon Musk they're going to have internet there. Robin said Elon Musk is delivering.
Howard said the Daily Mail is saying that Russia has had 5,300 casualties so far. He said they're not having it easy. He said they must be wondering why they're even there. Robin said one Russian soldier said they thought they were going to a war game and thought it was practice. He said that they didn't know they were going to be invading the country. Howard said maybe that's what Putin told them.
Howard said they were watching this in bed and he was thinking about what the Ukrainians were going through. He said there's nothing he can do about it.
Howard said one of the guys from Procol Harum died. He said it was Gary Brooker. He played some ''A Whiter Shade of Pale'' and talked about how many albums the band sold.
Howard said Bob Odenkirk is coming in today and he remembers reading his book about what the office was like at Saturday Night Live. He said he worked in that building when he worked at WNBC and he was shocked at how bad it was there.
Howard still had the song playing. He was talking the song up and telling stories.
Howard said Peter Frampton was on the show and talked about how amazing this song was the first time they heard the song. He played a clip of Peter on the show talking about that.
Howard said Avril Lavigne has a new album out. He said he wants to give a shout out to Lil Gotit. He said he was reading a Rolling Stone magazine with him on the cover in a video. He said he has to give him a shout out for that. He said he must have been sending him a message or something.
Howard said he was out at a resort once and here were a lot of celebrities there. He said Les Moonves and his wife Julie Chen were there. He said that it was sort of awkward but they started talking. He said Les just had a baby around that time. He said Les is older than him and he had a young baby. He said Julie looked like a good mom. He said she had to run out for a minute and Les was in charge of the baby. He said he loved watching that. He said that's what he misses about going on vacation. He said he likes watching really rich kids getting their feet massaged by a Mexican lady.
Howard said he remembers seeing Les hand off the baby after about 30 seconds. He said he didn't last long with that kid. He said maybe it was 31 seconds. Robin said that sometimes she'd end up with the kid. She said that she was trying to have a vacation and she shouldn't be watching the kid.
Howard said he remembers Jimmy Kimmel and Molly asking him to stay in a house with them on vacation. He said no way. He said that he's not getting the best set up in the house so he's not going to do it. He said there was a really nice room in the house and he wasn't getting it. He said he'd rather have his own place. He said give him the master suite or he's out. Howard said he just wants a decent room. He said he didn't work all this time to get the third guest room.
Howard said he has learned that people live like shit. He said they don't fix things up in the house. He said they don't live there. He said don't rent a house. He said just go to a hotel.
Howard said they have to pick a couple of songs for them to perform. He played clips of a bunch of songs they could have the band perform. He went through song after song and said that they'd be great. He said he'd love for them to do so many of the songs.
Howard said he was having trouble deciding so he figured he'd ask Robin on the air. Robin said it's getting harder and harder to pick the more songs he plays. Howard said he'd like to hear so many of these songs. He kept going through their hits.
Howard said it's so good. He said how about they do a whole concert. He said he was having a hard time figuring out what to have them perform. He said the guys were all asking what he wanted. He said he didn't know. He said they do a great cover of ''Higher Ground'' too.
Howard said he was going to have an audience member help pick. He took a call from a guy who threw out a couple of songs like ''Breaking the Girl.'' Howard said he's not sure he wants another song choice. The guy was set on that so Howard hung up on him. He said that's what guys do. Robin said they have to go outside the box and reel you in.
Howard said he gave him 9 songs and he added a 10th. Robin said they did a study of boys in school and they say that a boy will raise his hand even if he doesn't have an answer. Howard said he has done this before and some guy will call up and suggest that they play the B side from their 1986 demos.
Howard took another call from a guy who suggested two more songs that weren't on the list of 9 that he played. Howard said he knows the songs but he's trying to narrow it down. Howard said he's going to decide. Robin said she wants the list so she can ruminate about it. Howard said he'll send it to her. He read the list to her anyway. Robin said she'll start listening to all of that and figure out what she wants to hear.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she love that they're coming in. She gave her suggestions on which songs she wanted to hear. Howard said likes 'Under the Bridge' and 'By the Way.' Howard said okay to that. Howard played the song and she sang along with it. Howard said he likes to hear her singing. Robin said she'd rather hear Anthony sing it. Howard said they're going to work on this. He said Gary and Jon Hein won't get a voice in this. Robin said they have to hear what they have to say. Howard asked Jon Hein what he wants to hear. Jon said he'd go with Under the Bridge and Dani California. Howard played some more of that.
Gary said they have to do Under the Bridge. He said the second song would be Scar Tissue. Howard said that's a good choice. He said they have to do Under the Bridge. Howard said maybe they'll do that. He said maybe those two.
Robin said maybe they can do 3 and do Give it Away. Howard said maybe he'll ask them to do 3 then. He said they can't decide on 2. He said he'll push for a third.
Robins said maybe they can do a full song and a medley of other songs. Howard said they're not doing that. He said he'd rather not hear that. He said you don't want them to be on a roll and then have to stop. He said this isn't the Super Bowl. He said he wants to hear a whole song.
Howard took a call from Gary audio book who was giving list of things he got to see in his life that he never thought he'd get to see. He had a story about seeing the Red Hot Chili Peppers on a cruise ship once.
Gary said he thinks in Anthony Kiedis' book he talks about how much he hated that cruise. Howard said of course because they're playing for 150 people and they're used to playing for a stadium. Gary said it was mostly beer distributors on that cruise.
Howard said he's sure they'll hear from more people about what they want to hear.
Howard said he thinks that Anthony called his book Scar Tissue. Jon said he's right. Howard said he loves rock guys putting out books. He said he likes the story that Bob Odenkirk put out too because he likes reading about the climb.
Howard said that he and Robin worked at K-Rock for years and years and the station never got ratings like they did with their show. He said Z100 took just 75 days to go from the worst to the number 1 station in the city. He said that's something else. He said it's crazy. He said you can't do that but Scott did it. He said he congratulated him. He said that's an accomplishment he admires.
Robin said she'd like to see this. Howard said you search it online and pay a couple of bucks for it. He said Robin sees everything. Robin said not everything. She said she hasn't seen Reacher yet. Howard said he finished Boba Fett and that was really good.
Howard said he was visiting his mom on Saturday and had to wear a mask all day long. He said he thought he broke his ear. He said masks work but he can't find one that fits right. He said people pull them down below their nose and it's so funny. He said that doctors wear masks and it keeps them from getting sick. He said it works. Robin said she hasn't had a sniffle all this time so they do work. She said now the mask mandates are going away so we'll see what happens.
Howard said Ben Stiller told a story about getting sick going to Madison Square Garden and not wearing a mask. He said he got sick. He said he'd like to know how many people got it there. He said that they say that 1 in 700 people die from COVID. He said no one seems to care anymore. He said he thinks if you saw the numbers there then you'd be shocked. Robin said they have home testing now so they can't tell who is sick.
Howard said he has to take a break but they have things to get to. He said he has a Bigfoot update and some other bits to do. He said they have a High Pitch Erik update. He said he should play the President's Day audio book thing. He said that he should probably give a cum hat update too. Robin said she was wondering about that. Howard said they'll get to that before Bob. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said this is a good song live at the Chelsea studios. He sang along with it a little bit. He said Adam Duritz wrote that song about himself. He said that he saw Adam over Zoom a couple of weeks ago. He said he asked how he's doing. He said he's on tour. He said that they're trying. He said it's hard with COVID. Robin said Patty Lupone was supposed to be back on Broadway but she got COVID and she isn't on Broadway now.
Howard talked about the song and what the song was about. He said this song is over 5 minutes long and no one expected it to be a hit. He had the guys cut the song off after that.
Howard said he's going to start off with the President's day audio book bit. He said the guys put a lot of work into this. He said 43 people worked on this to get Jimmy Carter and President Obama to say rude things to each other. He said that they asked the Presidents to reflect on what President's day means to them. He said he got too busy to play this bit even though 43 people worked on it. He said Richard worked on it so long he didn't speak to his family for 4 months.
Howard played some audio of Jimmy Carter talking about how President's day means nothing. They had edited together clips of President Carter and President Obama so it sounded like they were having a discussion about President's day. They had them talking about getting blow jobs and things like that.
Howard said that's pretty good. He had another clip of Obama and Carter talking about the sales on President's Day.
Howard said in this next clip they have Obama and Carter talking about a show he loves. He said this is them casually talking about television. He played the clip and the two of them were talking about The Bachelor. They were talking about the host and how sexy he is and things like that.
Howard said he has one more. He said this is Carter and Obama talking about what they get to do as president. In the clip they had the two talking about fucking aliens at Camp David.
Howard said if these two did a podcast he'd listen. Robin said if they talk like this then sure. Howard said Alex Jones is going nuts over this. He said he knew that there were aliens.
Howard said that politicians now speak more freely now that Trump has been in office.
Howard had to ask the guys to get him the audio because he was having so many issues. Howard said he figured that the Russians were attacking him since he had bad mouthed Putin this morning.
Howard said this guy Joe is going to travel with Erik and he's not thrilled about the trip. He played the clip where Sal talked to Joe about this trip. Joe talked about how Erik has a lot of road rage. He said he side swiped someone and he almost hit someone on the drive to Starbucks. Joe also said that he doesn't think that Erik will be able to perform with Debbie. He said they had Erik in a room with a woman who was a 10 and he wasn't able to finish with her. He said he should have had no problem with her.
Howard asked Sal if they were in Mexico when they did that. Sal said yes. they paid like 90 bucks for a 10 down there.
Howard said Erik is on a diet and he thinks he can shoot 10 loads a day. Sal said his goal is now 5-10 a day.
Howard said Debbie is excited for Joe to come to Florida. He played a clip of Debbie talking about how maybe she can get some loads from him as well as Erik. She said that he might be able to help lift Erik's legs up too.
Howard said Debbie is very passionate about this ejaculation thing. He said they asked her about Richard's hat and what she thinks about that. Debbie said wasting loads isn't a good thing. She said she'd rather have guys send it to her. She said a load should be savored and not wasted. Howard said imagine being jealous of a hat like she is.
Howard said he watched that Karate sex video the guy mentioned on the show recently. He said he did blow a load watching it. He said it's a horrible video. He said there are two dads doing karate and they have their daughter's there and one of the dads starts rubbing a the other dad's daughter's titty. He said they start beating the shit of each other. The girls tell them to stop and then they have them stretch them and talk things over. He said next thing you know the one dad works on the other daughter and then their clothes come off and they get blown by the other daughter.
Howard said he has never seen a set up like this. He said it's practically incest. He said he'd like to say he didn't cum to that but he did. Robin asked if this is going to be a search subject for him now. Howard said no. He said that was just too much for him. He said it was very sick. He said he came to it though. He said it's horrible that he did.
Howard said he took karate with his kids and he didn't let anyone near them. He said the next thing he watched was two women teaching each other to squirt. He said it's definitely urine. He said there's no doubt in his mind.
Howard said Robin asked if Erik is capable of having sex. He said they dug into the archives about Erik's history and it's very confusing. He said his knowledge of sex is so limited. He said Erik claimed he had a girlfriend in 2008 and she liked being fingered. He said they asked him to demonstrate and he didn't know what he was doing. He played a clip from an old show where Erik demonstrated and Howard figured he was rubbing her asshole.
Howard played a montage of answers Erik got wrong when they asked him things about sex. He had no clue what he was talking about when they asked him about sex stuff.
Howard said Jon Leiberman did an embedded with Erik and Erik talked about masturbating and said he does it maybe 3-4 times a week after saying he never does. Howard played another clip where Erik talked about being into Donnie Wahlberg and how he was beating off to him. Howard said they had Donnie on the show and they said Erik would be able to squeeze his butt. Howard played the audio of that.
Howard said he did get to squeeze his ass. He said he also role played as Jenny McCarthy. Howard played some audio of that where Erik said he wanted to fuck Donnie all night.
Howard said he thinks Erik wants Donnie the Cum Lady and not Debbie. Robin said maybe they can switch out a guy for Debbie and see what happens with Erik. Howard said people thought Erik was gay but he insisted he wasn't. He played more audio of Erik talking about how he'd eat Donnie's asshole but he's not really gay. He said it's just an acting role with him as Jenny.
Howard said that was confusing that day. He said he was saying he would blow Donnie but then he said it was just acting.
Howard played more audio of Erik being tested by Ed Torian on the lie detector. They found out that he's gay based on his lies during the test.
Sal said everything is in the works with Erik and Debbie. He said Joe thinks that Erik is gay also. Howard said right. He wrapped up and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that you need rage to be funny according to Bob Odenkirk. He said that's why he's playing this song. He said that Bob writes so much about being a writer on Saturday Night Live and Rage was on Saturday Night Live and this is the only song they were able to play on the show.
Howard said Bob has a new book out called ''Comedy Comedy Comedy Drama: A Memoir.'' He said that sums up his life very well. Bob said that he did want to label it so people would be warned and wouldn't return it. He said most people know him from Saul. He said that he wants them to know he did comedy too.
Howard said he loves the way he opens the book. He said he wishes he could have done this. He read what Bob wrote at the start of the book. He said he loves that. Bob thanked him for that. He said it's a couple of authors talking now. He said someone is listening and thinking they're listening to NPR now. He said first High Pitch Erik and now authors talking. Howard said that's why he loves this show. Bob said he loves it. He said he wondered if he gets to sit where Beetlejuice sat. Howard said that's right.
Howard said he had Ben Stiller on last week and he wondered how his dinner went with him. He asked if it was weird with the pandemic going on. Bob said things are opening up now. He said people are wearing masks. He said he wears one a lot of the time. He said he's trying to pull off the book tour before he gets COVID. He said it feels almost like they're back to where they were before the pandemic. He said he and Ben met for a meal and the had a nice meal at this place. He said they had to show their vaccine proof and that's it. He said it was great seeing Ben. He said it's great that they're both hacking away at it still.
Howard asked about the movie ''Nobody'' and how shocked people were by that. Bob thanked him for watching it and spreading the word. He said he never thought it was going to get made. Howard said it was released during the pandemic and made like 55 million. Bob said it did really well in Pay Per View too. He said it's great. He said it's a really personal movie for him. He said it was an action genre movie. He said that he had some break ins and they had to deal with that as a family. He said they sill have to deal with that stuff. He said the feelings he had in that movie were real. He said it's strange that it was the most personal thing he's ever done. Howard said he was believable in it too. He said he talks about how you have to have rage to be funny. He said he knows it. He said he and his wife go for a walk and he's filled with rage. He said that his wife notices that. He said she wonders where it comes from. He said its' true what he says about it in the book.
Bob said maybe not prop comedy. He said that he's not sure that the jokes Carrot Top tells come from rage.
Howard said he loves revenge movies. He said he could watch that movie over and over again. Bob said he had so much fun doing it. Howard said he didn't know he'd be into that. Bob said he mostly makes fun of action movies. He said he and David Cross did a thing where they made fun of Steven Seagal movies all night. He said that it was like Jabba the Hutt in a gee. He said he thinks that Steven is a very big guy but he's still an action star. He said he was probably really good at it for a while but then he got big. He said he's sure that he was good at it when he was younger. He said he was there when Steven did Saturday Night Live. He said that's one of those shows they can't even show again. He said he has a DVD of that show.
Howard asked Bob about something he left them hanging with last time he was on. Bob said it was about Hans and Franz and how they asked Steven to do a sketch with them and he insisted that he had to beat them up in the sketch. He said no one was going to think that anyone was going to beat anyone up there. He said that was his attitude the whole week there on the show. He said Steven said he didn't know what they do there and had never seen the show. Howard said it sounds like he could suck the comedy out of anything. Bob said he wrote one of the scenes on the show and they got stunt men to come in and do it. He said it was insane. He said this sketch goes on and on for 8 minutes and then he ends it with ''And that's what you get when you mess with mother nature.''
Howard said he loves Steven Seagal movies. Bob said he gets it. He said his wife had so many problems with him doing this movie. He said he wasn't around helping around the house and stuff. He said she would give him a look like what the fuck are you doing. Howard said he was really committed. He asked if he thinks that contributed to his heart attack. Bob said he thinks that it saved his life. He said he had a heart incident. He said that he would be dead if someone wasn't here to help him. He said Rosa Estrada and Angie Meyers got the CPR going until the ambulance arrived. He said they saved his life. He said that they were shooting in the studio that day. He said if they were on location he wouldn't be there right now. Howard asked if they have a health expert standing by there. Bob said they do. He said that Rosa is there for their COVID stuff and she was a medic who did one tour in the armed forces and she knew how to do CPR properly. He said she was out in 2 minutes to where he was and started it. He said she also had an AED in her car. He said that's a Defibrillator. He said that they didn't have one on the set. He said they should have one on every set. He said she had one in the trunk of her car. He said she handed him over to the other people who knew CPR and it took 3 attempts to get him into a rhythm. He said that's a lot apparently. He said he was told later that when the Defibrillator doesn't work twice then it's pretty hopeless. He said that saved his life and he had surgery in the morning after that. He said they put the balloon through and knocked out the pieces of plaque that had blocked his artery. He said one of the things that saved him was the work outs he had done for the movie ''Nobody'' so that helped. He said that he recovered much faster than a normal person would have. He said his body was already in good shape. He said he already knew about the plaque stuff. He said he knew he had it and a doctor said he will need medication immediately and another said he would need it eventually. He said he should have had a follow up after that. He said he was told he has plaque build up and he didn't need medicine yet. He said some lucky things happened. He said he had trained so he was in good shape. He said the other thing is that he was near his co-stars who rushed to his side. He said that he turned grey right away and stopped breathing. He said they were yelling and yelling. He said the crew didn't know it was happening. He said it took a few seconds for people to see what was happening. He said take CPR classes so you can save a life.
Howard said Bob didn't go to his trailer so he saved his life by not doing that. Bob said absolutely. He said if he had gone to his trailer then he wouldn't be there. He said they don't bother you if you're in your trailer. He said he doesn't get what goes on with people who are like that.
Bob said he'd like it if Saturday Night Live just did one show a season where it's just the cast. He said they should let them to do the whole show sometimes. Howard said he's right. Bob said that he wrote a lot about Saturday Night Live in the book. He said he wasn't able to come to terms with the show. Howard said he could talk to him for hours about that. He said he handled the subject of Lorne Michaels very well. He said he would make him uncomfortable there and not let him into meetings there. He said he was looking for a confidence boost and that didn't work for him. Bob said that he can't be anything more than thankful for Lorne hiring him and having him write there for 4 years. He said he learned a lot working there. He said later on he put that to use. He said he put it into sketches on Mr. Show. He said he learned that at Saturday Night Live.
Howard said he handles that stuff so well in his book. He said there was a story in the book about working at Saturday Night Live and how it looked like an insurance company when he was in there. Howard said that's what it was like working at WNBC. He said the building had no heart. He said it's so weird. Bob said it really is. He said you'd think that people would leave their mark and change it. He said it was unbelievable. He said it was strange. Howard said he remembers going in there for his first day and how weird it was there. He said the fire exits were more creative than the actual offices there. He said it was crazy.
Howard said this whole bullshit kind so system where writers have to stayed until 4 in the morning is wrong. Bob said that they weren't doing cocaine but that's why that started. He said there was no cocaine in the book. He said even when he was doing it there it didn't feel right. He said they weren't writing anything good in those hours. He said Robert Smigel could have come up with something in those hours. He said he remembers David Spade staying there all night writing and it was 7 at night on a Tuesday and he said he had to go home. He said he asked why he had to go home. He said David said he had to sleep. He said he just walked away. He figured he has to sleep too. He said he has the same thing David has. He said that he wasn't able to do it. He said he had to help and write. He said it was so dumb and nothing good came from it.
Howard said his dad owned a recording studio and he had 4 partners. He said the partners would ask him to stay late. He said he would give them a day's work but not work past a certain hour. He said he can't be there all night. He said he drew a line in the sand. He said his dad was so right. He said you get sucked into other people's bullshit. He said then they call you disloyal. Bob said this is a precarious business. He said he's only there because of the goodness of strangers. He said there's nothing he's really doing to help society. He said you are but it feels weird. He said you just think that the pressure from people around you will sway you. He said it was brutal.
Howard said the heart breaking story for him was when Bob went into his first meeting and got yelled at by Al Franken of all people. Bob said he had an airline sketch he wanted to do and it was a cheapest airline kind of thing where they fly in directions instead of to a destination. He said that it was a simple sketch that was obvious and relevant. He said Al started asking him why and it was an angry ''why.'' He said that he'd tell him the idea for the sketch and Al kept asking ''Why!?''
Howard said he heard that Al got a hard time from people there too. Bob said maybe he was just paying it forward then. He told Howard how he helped Al with a sketch he was working on there at the time. He explained the bit to Howard and said he helped him with the sketch and Al rewrote it and gave him credit. He said that he appreciated that from Al. He said Al is Al. He said he was so happy when he went into politics. Howard said he did too. He said he feels horrible about him leaving the senate. He said he was a very talented guy.
Howard said he loves his book because he loves reading about people's failures and their climb. He said he was brutally honest about it.
Howard said Bob talked about his friendship with Chris Farley. He said the guy was so brilliantly funny and likeable. He said he didn't know him. Bob said everyone who saw him perform got a piece of his soul. He said that made his potential even greater than what he had done. He said that he could have done drama and done a beautiful job with that. He that's if he had stayed alive. He said that everyone got a piece of his soul right away within 20 seconds of seeing him. He said that's really rare. He said that comes through the screen. He said his heart was held out for you.
Howard said Bob wrote about the last time he saw Chris and he was in a limo with a guy who had tried to give them blow that day. He said they were doing an event out there in Aspen and Farley was out back and wanted to say hi to them. He said that he felt weird about coming in. He said he was very aware of how he looked and how people were perceiving him. He said he was off the rails at the time. He said he's sure that people were telling him to go to rehab the whole weekend. He said he didn't want to come in so he went out back and the limo window went down and Chris looked worse than he had ever seen him. He said he was red, sweaty and engorged. He said they had a nice chat and he was kind of out of it a bit. He said one of the people was trying to give them cocaine. He said he has never done it. Howard said he did it once but it didn't do anything to him. He said he thinks he did heroine. Bob said he has no interest in it now. Howard said he doesn't either.
Bob said his dad was an alcoholic and he knew alcoholism because of that. He said he got that feeling about Chris and he loved the guy as everyone did. He said that he knew it was going to play out in the corniest way. He said he was only 33 years old. He said what the fuck. He said if he had a goal in his life it was not to be a cliché. He said that he didn't want that one thing to happen. He said that you don't want to let it crash and burn. He said move on from the bad route you might be on. He said to see it happen is heart breaking. He said young people must wonder what he was like. He said you have to see what he was like and that piece of his heart that he brought to everything.
Howard said he was always critical of that sketch he did with Patrick Swayze and the dance he did. He said Bob thought that was demeaning. Howard said he was part of the writing of the sketch where he was raised by whales. Bob said he didn't write that, he was just part of the sketch. He said he had no issue with that sketch. He said that Chris wasn't sure he was in good with the people at Saturday Night Live and that was the first thing that got him. He said when he pulled that shirt off he sees a hesitation in his eyes. He said he felt like the expression on his face was that Chris knew that they were reacting the way they were because of his body shape. He said he was loving the laugh and the reaction he got but there was something there. He said that Chris would talk about himself in ways and call himself names and he didn't like that. He said he don't like the way the sketch went down and how people laughed at him over they way he looked. He said he gets the joke but the audience was responding to his physical look. He said it also tells Chris what he shouldn't be hearing. He said they were saying he was funny because he's stupid and big. He said that he didn't think it was the right signal for him.
Howard said Bob also writes about Chris and walking with him and Chris asking him if he thinks that John Belushi is in heaven. Bob said Chris was extremely drunk at the time. He said that he had a lot of issues with the question. He said that first of all there is no heaven. He said that then there's no way for you to talk to someone who is gone. Howard said everyone dies so you have to think there's something after. He said you need some story to ponder your own demise. He said it's just too much.
Howard said he felt for Bob when he wrote about getting on Saturday Night Live and then they treat him like crap when he gets there. Bob said he needed some help there and they treated him like crap. He said that he tried to help young writers after that. He said that a young writer is trying to find their way so they might need some help. He said he talks about Tim and Eric in the book and they're big fans of Howard's. He said you have to be supportive of those people and he still thinks that's not happening at Saturday Night Live.
Howard said he talked about Adam Sandler coming in and how he came in and jut did his own thing and didn't worry about it all. Bob said he thinks they cared about sketches and it's just a weird thing. He said he really does love a great comedy sketch. He said Eric Idle's ''Say no more'' is a great one. Howard said he wrote about that kind of stuff in his book.
Howard said Bob wrote about how he wants to a be a guy who writes sketches and where else are you going to go other than Saturday Night Live. He said that was a huge gig for him. He said there were no other shows to go to. Bob said he never had a sense there would be anything else. He said that FOX had just started as a network. He said that made it even more of a mind fuck. He said if it didn't work there then it was over for him if he can't make it work. He said he loves that there are so many avenues to do a show now. He said there are things like Tim Robinson's show now. Howard said Ben Stiller's show saved him too. Bob said he's right. He said Ben grew up in the business and he had a drive and a confidence. He said that he'd probably say he doesn't but he did have that confidence.
Howard said Ben knew to leave after 4 weeks there. He said that when you're in a show business family you know what it's like. He said Bob didn't come from that kind of family. He said he didn't spend a lot of time on his father in the book but he kept the women in his life out of the book too. He said that he does write a little bit about it. He said that he didn't dwell on it. Bob said he has read a lot of books about show business people. He said he read two Van Halen memoirs. Howard said he didn't spend a lot of time on that woman thing. Bob said someone wrote a memoir where they just wrote about their first break in show business. Howard said he knows what he's talking about. Howard said he knows what it was. Bob said it was John Close who wanted to write 3 volumes about his life. He said that he likes what Steve Martin did with his book. He said he wrote about his life until he wasn't able to do stand up anymore. Howard said that was a perfect book.
Bob said he didn't write about all of his failures. He said he wrote about 1/3 of his failures. He said he wrote about things that took a lot of his life to write and then they don't work out. He said Howard has been a success his entire career. Howard said not really. Bob said he did write about his success and that became a movie. He said that movie is just great. He said that you don't have to tell the story of your childhood. He said he had an alcoholic father and he was treating them all like shit. He said he didn't know what to do when he was 5 and his father told him that they were out of money. Howard said the guy had no idea that he was laying something so heavy on the kids. Bob said there were 7 kids in his family. He said he's not sure what to say or what he was thinking with that. He said he didn't have a back up plan or anything. He said it didn't make sense to him.
Bob said he got a call when he was 22 that his father was dying. He said he got to see him one more time. He said he thought he was a complete mess and an asshole before but he might be better now. He said it was relief to see him again and he sees he's a complete disaster.
Howard asked what his plan was with his dad. Bob said he was going to give him a chance to let him say something to him to show he cared or loved him. He said he saw him over 4 or 5 months. He said he had bone cancer so his mom let him come home to live with her for a while. He said that they got some time with him. He said it must have been a good thing for the younger kids.
Bob said he walked in the room and within 5 minutes his father was bitching about some person who was buying a new car after getting a job they didn't deserve. He said his father was dying of cancer at this point. He said his father never asked him what he was doing or asked how he was doing. Howard asked why you have kids when you're like that. Bob said it wasn't just one, it was 7. Howard said you just can't figure the guy out. He said when he died he had no emotion either. Bob said he got to see him again during this time in his life and he just didn't connect. He said if they had then it would have been upsetting.
Bob said that he didn't develop this sympathy. He said he's still as pissed off today as he was at 14 when he pushed his father out of the house. He said that felt great at 14. Howard said that's empowering. Bob said that we love action movies because you have to so many things you want to do but you can't and you get to see it acted out in the movies. Howard said there's a great scene where he had a job and pulls into a lot and he says something about Gilligan's Island being shat out. He said he loved that.
Howard said he has to ask about going in to get the job with Lorne Michaels and he goes in and doesn't kiss his ass and tells him how fucked up he is. He said he thought that would turn Lorne on. He said that didn't work. Bob said he eventually did hire him but not that time. He said he really is thankful to Lorne but he wishes it wasn't that imbalanced.
Howard asked Bob about going in to interview with Lorne and he had to wait 2 and a half hours. He said this isn't the NAVY Seals. He asked what that is. Bob said if it's unintentional it's understandable. He said he was thinking that if he went in and told Lorne that he loves the show and love shim that it was going to sound like he was kissing his ass. He said he went in and Lorne asked what he thinks of the show. He said he told him he didn't think it was going well. He said he told him he thought Monty Python was great and it's the height of this form. He said he told him the things he loved and Lorne asked if he wanted to work there. He said he wasn't sure about that. He said that he was stand offish. He said that he gave him the job anyway.
Howard said he loves that Jon Lovitz character where he's the actor. Bob said he could write a better version of that. He said that it was a good one but he could do it better. He said he was the Master Thespian. He said he could make it better now. Howard said he goes back and looks at it like a painting he did. Bob said it could be so much better but it was kind of clumsy.
Howard said Bob gets that sketch on the show and he figures he's going to be the producer of the sketch. He said that Lorne was there yelling about there not being any echo in the bathroom. Bob said Lorne was asking where the fucking echo was. He said there should be echo in the bathroom. He said he didn't know where to go to do that. He said he was thinking more ''Where are the fucking jokes.'' Howard said Bob learned never to stand next to the boss when you're doing your work.
Howard said he used to work for a guy who would psychologically torture him at work. He said he stopped going into the guy's office. He said that you have to be careful when you're trying to be funny. He said you don't want people fucking with you all the time.
Howard said one thing he reminded him of in the book was The Larry Sanders Show. He said Bob was his agent on that show. Bob said he loved that show. He said the show was great and he felt bad for Garry. He said the show was never going to be as good as he wanted it to be. He said that's not good either. He said you put lots of preparation into it and you want it to be great. He said hey put so much into Better Call Saul and shows like that too. He said it's not a perfect thing and they're just trying things out. He said it's always hoping magic is going to happen. He said Garry's standards were so high and he doesn't think he was able to achieve what he wanted.
Howard said he appeared on that show and Garry was talking to the director about eating yogurt during the scene and he wondered why he'd be doing it. He said he told Garry he had to leave. He said Garry got off it after that. He said it was like torture for the guy though. Bob said that's what it was. He said he was always switching the lines around and it was never perfect for Garry. He said the show was great but Garry could have been more fun. He said that Judd did the special about Garry and it was great.
Howard said mentioned Judd Apatow in the book too. He said he has regrets about things he did with him too. Bob said he had this confidence after Saturday Night Live. He said that he was doing a lot there when he left. He said he was gaining some traction there. He said he went to L.A. with real confidence. He said it's the show business thing where people buy into that whole thing when you have confidence. Howard said he's seen that.
Bob said he was exited to put his experience to work. Howard said he thought that he was brilliant on the show and so was Andy Dick and Janeane Garofalo. Bob said he thought they had a shot at beating Saturday Night Live for an Emmy. He said he thought it would work if people gave it a shot and watched it.
Howard said he did a sketch where he did the Manson Lassie thing. He said it was such a great sketch. Bob said he loved doing that. Howard said he built a solid career doing sketches.
Howard said Bob was bankrupt right before doing Breaking Bad. Bob said he was. He said he had spent time making feature films and enjoyed directing them but he didn't have direction or a vision. He said he loved doing the job. He said it's a fun job to do. He said you make so many choices as a director. He said you're the story teller. He said it's maybe the best job on set. He said he's not sure what his vision is though. He said that he's sure Howard thinks about the show a lot and you do the math without trying. He said that's what he was doing until he did Mr. Show. He said he didn't have that when he was directing. He said he doesn't think about it like you should. He said he got into a financial hole and he was told he had to sign a loan to keep afloat. He said it was a weird call to get from his financial manager. He said he was working but it wasn't going well. He said he gets this call from the assistant at the business manager. He said he had to get a loan for $900,000. He said he had never heard anything about this loan. He said the assistant said she'd have someone else call him about it. He said he wondered what the fuck that was. He said he went to a different business manger and started living in a different way. He said he was taking work and just doing whatever came along. He said he went after commercials and directed some of those. He said he had a good time doing that stuff. He said then he gets this call saying that they were going to offer him a shot on Breaking Bad. He said he was told not to say no to this one. He said he still checked it out. He said he called a friend to ask what he heard about it and he told him it was the best show on TV so he had to do it.
Howard asked why they offered him the show. Bob said he assumes that it was from Mr. Show. He said he did a sketch on there with some schemy guys. He said that Vince Gilligan and the guy who created Better Call Saul were big Mr. Show fans.
Howard asked how great it is when they just offer you a role like that. Bob said it gives you so much confidence. He said that you think you can do the job and that means a lot to feel that.
Howard asked Bob if he ever had a problem losing his voice doing a role. He said he would lose it whenever he got a new job. Bob said he did lose it doing Better Call Saul. He said he thinks it was a psychological thing. He said it was a huge thing to have to do this show and carry it. He said you think you just have to do the job well and not worry about being the lead. He said it's just another role. He said just do it. He said the show had just intimidated the fuck out of him. He said he was doing a lot of talking because there was so much dialog for him. He said it was a lot. He said the weirdest part was that some part of him was thinking that no one was going to see the show. Howard said he thought that about the show when he heard it announced. Bob said that he knew it was going to be something big when the billboards went up. He said everyone in the world was going to see this show. He said Breaking Bad was huge in the last 3 seasons. He said he knew everyone was going to watch this show. He said if it didn't work then everyone was going to know. He said that if it was shitty everyone would be talking about it. Howard said thank god it worked out.
Bob said he thinks that you can lie to yourself and think if something fails then you just move on and do something else. He said that it can linger inside you though. He said it's a business that feeds like a shark. He said people want to see people rediscovered as something else. He said that he did ''Nobody'' and didn't worry about people seeing him in a new light. Howard asked if there's going to be a sequel to that. Bob said they're working hard on a sequel. He said you saw how that whole thing worked and you thought about how that was a real guy and not just a Hollywood guy. He said he did look like a neighbor and someone you'd know. He said he wants that to continue if they do a sequel. He said that if he gets to act out and do all of this fun reaction stuff you get to go on the ride with him.
Howard said that was a great way to see him reveal himself to his family. Bob said you want that in your real life.
Howard said he thinks about the story of his real life and how great it must be when he feels the love from the fans at Comic-Con. Bob said it was wonderful to be near that stuff with the crew from Breaking Bad. He said that he got to be close to it and it was a lot of fun. He said his son was about 12 and he came to him once and said that he was in Breaking Bad, Tim and Eric, Mr. Show and they're all his favorite shows. He said his son was bummed out by that. He said that he was liking this and then his dad's head pops into it. He said that was the high point in his life. He said when you're kids recognize that it's great.
Howard asked Bob who he goes to when he's down. Bob said he doesn't have that person. He said he has a lot of friends in comedy. He said he thinks that he cracked up a little at that point in the book. He said he didn't keep it together entirely. He said he always had his faith in this business because he didn't grow up in it. He said he somehow knew that if you can take risks and change who you are then you can do it. He said that you have to be careful of bitterness. He said you have to be really careful with that. He said it's so easy to just say fuck this fucking thing. He said the business can be tough too. Howard said he imagines that when the shows he was on got big it must have been nice to show off to the guys he left behind at Saturday Night Live. Bob said he never needed that. He said he just needed opportunity. He said that he was doing a lot of it just to make himself laugh. He said that includes the movie ''Nobody.'' Howard said the real innovators are the guys who are just doing what they think is funny. He said he never thought about what the audience was going to think.
Howard said the new book is fabulous. He said that it shows you can't give up and you have to love what you do. He said seeing anyone's climb is really fun. He said he's a really good writer and there are a lot of touching stories in the book. He said the book is out tomorrow and it's called ''Comedy Comedy Comedy Drama: A Memoir.''
Howard said he loves seeing Bob. He said he has a Podcast called Summer in Argyle. Bob said it's coming out in March. He said it's the most pure and silly thing he's ever done. He said it's really crazy. He said he and his son wrote it. He said that his son is very funny and he wrote it and he punched it up with him. He said they have an amazing cast on Audible.
Howard said Bob has done it all. He said he's been on every great show and even some shitty shows. He said the final season of Better Call Saul is coming April 18th. Howard asked if he's happy to say goodbye to Saul. Bob said this season is going to be great and there's so much that's happening in it. He said they can't wait to show it to people. He said he's been playing this guy for like 15 years now. Howard said he's been nominated for best actor a bunch of times. He said it's about time he wins. Bob said he's been told he should win. He said that he has to start kissing ass a bit. He said it's fun to move on and do something different. Howard said if he were Bob he'd do it the next 35 years. Bob said he wants to do something new.
Howard said Better Call Saul has been nominated 39 times and hasn't won yet. Bob said come on people. Robin said the final show is going to be a big deal. Bob said he thinks it's a killer ending. He said he would say that one of the cool things in the final season is that Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul have never been more connected than in this season.
Howard asked if he's in touch with Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul. Bob said he sees them at things. He said he would see them but everyone is busy. He said they all go off into their own corners as they get older. He said they're all friends. He said he had a great time hanging out with Ben the other day. He said they're just all busy.
Howard gave Bob more plugs for his book and said he hopes he gets to see him again soon. Bob said he thanks him for knowing all of his references. He said he's got a lot with a career like his. Howard said he reveals that Jan Hooks is an incredible talent but they never used her on Saturday Night Live. Bob said she really was great and she was never able to work the writer's room. He said things just didn't happen the way they should have. Howard said he finds those tidbits very interesting. Bob said he should have called the book tidbits.
Howard asked why he didn't marry that first girlfriend. Bob said Claire was a great person. He said they're still in touch. He said he showed her all the passages in the book. Howard asked if he ever told her she should have stuck with him. Bob said that relationships are weird and they were both trying to make it and there was just too much yearning in the house. He said his wife Naomi has been with him for 25 years now. He said she's in the business too and she understands the pressures. He said they're not doing the same thing though. He said they're not both trying to get jobs. Howard said it's almost like having a mother. Bob said she's amazing and she's a very hard worker and smart as hell. He said she did doubt him on ''Nobody'' but now she gets it. He said she loves the movie. He said it took years of his life and it was hard to lay out. He said it was a big gamble.
Howard said he wrote a great book. He said he's sure he has to go pish now. Bob said he does. Howard let him go a short time later. He said he just realized that they talked for 2 hours. Bob said he can't thank him enough for knowing so much of his material and going down the side roads with him. He said it means a lot to him. Howard thanked him for coming in too. He said goodbye to Robin too even though he wasn't able to see her. Bob ran off after that.
Howard said that is a very giving man. He said they'll be back tomorrow for more. He said that they will be doing a bit where they have 3 sex toy inventors pitching to a group of guys in their ''Sex Toy Tycoon'' thing. Howard said Courteney Cox will be on Wednesday. Robin said she's enjoying the show that she's in. She said they've done such a good job. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:50am.
Howard started the show talking about the Sex Toy Tycoon bit they have coming up today. He said he's encouraged by some of the innovations they have. He said Robin has some new glasses. Robin said she just has her reading glasses on. Howard said he likes the look. Robin said she likes the frame too. Howard said she looks like a teacher. He said she has a sexy look about her. He said she looks like a stern librarian who needs to teach some lessons.
Howard said on yesterday's show he said some things about these republicans who are backing Putin. He said Putin is robbing people of their freedoms. He said he was critical about them and it's sickening and he's not sure why these republicans are backing Putin. He said it's insane when we fought the Nazis and fought for peoples freedom. He said some people think that Putin is a good idea. He said he was critical of Trump backing Putin. He said he's waiting for a knock on the door from Donald Trump. There was a knock and pounding on the door so Howard opened it. He said he wasn't sure if he should.
Fake Trump was invited in but he wasn't saying anything. Howard said he's just staring at him. Trump asked what took him so long to answer the door. Howard said he was just thinking. Trump said it's been a long time but thanks for begging him to have him on the show. He said his ratings must be tanking. Howard said he knocked on his door, not the other way around.
Howard asked Trump what he thinks about this Russia and Ukraine thing. Trump said the hottest strippers are from Ukraine so he's inviting them all to Mar-A-Lago. He said he's having them all flown in. Howard said that's a nice thing to do. Trump said he's more concerned about their borders and he's going to run again in 2024. He said that's only been heard here. He said he has some insults for the people who he will run against. He said he's got Kamala-Cunt or Kamala-Toe like Camel Toe. He had a few others for Kamala.
Howard asked about this DeSantis guy in Florida. Trump had some names for him like Dicklessantis. He said he's a dick little douche bag. Howard asked what name he has for Biden. Trump said he has ''Sleepier Joe.'' He said he's even more sleepy than before. He had a few other names for him like Sloppier Joe or Bumbling Biden.
Howard asked Trump about why he wants to be President again and if he's worried about this Ron DeSantis. Trump went off on him again for a second.
Howard said he read that Trump flushed documents down the toilet in the White House. Trump said those are low flow toilets and they can't take his manly dumps. He said they can handle Obama's pellet dumps just fine. He said he had a tremendous dump himself.
Howard said they say that he destroyed documents in the Oval Office. Trump said forget about that. He said it's all about Hillary. He said they have to go after her for killing Bob Saget. He said that's the sorry now. He said he Dave Coulier should watch his back.
Fake Trump went off about the three women hosting the Oscar's this year. He said that means he will have to avoid watching it 3 times.
Howard asked Trump about how he used to come on the show and evaluate women. He said that's what he was great at. Trump said no one rates women better than he does. Howard threw him some names like Taylor Swift, Jen Psaki and Kim Kardashian. Trump went off on the women that Howard threw out there and gave them really low scores. Howard said he can see why people like him, he's so likeable. He said that Megan Fox is in the news a lot. Trump said that he likes her in those Transformer movies. He said he gives her a 10. He gave Britney Spears an 8 and a 9 if she stops asking her meds.
Howard asked about Lady Gaga. Trump said he wants to ''P-P-P-Poker Face'' with his cock. He said he gives her a 10.
Howard asked Trump about Marlee Matlin. Trump said she's great but she's deaf so he'd give her a 2. He said she'll never hear this or anything so he's not worried about that score.
Howard asked what else he has to say. Trump had the guys play the Village People's ''YMCA'' as his new theme song. Howard let Trump go a short time later. He closed the door on him as he was still rambling.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's in Las Vegas and she worked some Billy Joel and Metallica shows this weekend. She said that Billy did a great cover of Whiter Shade of Pale. Howard said he did that on the show. He said he thinks he asked Billy what song he wished he had written and that's what he said and played for them. Howard had some of the song to play.
Howard said that's almost as good as YMCA. The caller said that's pretty close. Howard thanked her for the call and let her go.
Howard said that was Gary Brooker who did that song and he died recently. Howard said he wrote it and performed it.
Howard said he thinks they'll get to Sex Toy Tycoon next. He did a live commercial read and spent a minute talking about his mom and how he spent some time with her over the weekend. He said all she wants to do is sleep all day. He said they told him to go in there and get her out of bed. He said she yelled at him to just go home to his wife. He said it was horrible. He said he called this Mattress Firm to get his mom a new bed that was higher for her. He worked that into the commercial read he was doing. He said he spent all day with his mom. He said his dad was brutal too. He said he brought over a deck of cards with him to play with his dad. He said he has to yell when he talks to him. He said he just sits all day long. He said he told him he had a deck of cards and his dad just said ''What?'' He said his dad told him to get out when he said he had a deck of cards. He said the guy lives like a house plant but he yelled at him like he's a 3 year old. He said the guy just sits there all day. He said he even brought over a lady with balloons and chocolates but that didn't work. He said he was trying anything he could to cheer his mom up. He said he brought over a woman to do his mom's hair and she was out of there in 3 seconds. He said she told them to get out. He said she was yelling at them all to get out.
Howard asked the guys to turn off the music. He said he's talking about his mom. He said he sat in a room with her for a while and just stared at her. He said he tried to talk to his mom with his shades off. He said she kept telling him to go home. He said he told her she has to try. He said she has to live her life. He said that he started to tear up telling her this stuff. He said she's declining and he had to try to get her moving. He said he told her she has all of these people who love her. He said she told him she can't hear him without her Hearing Aids in. He said you know you're in trouble when he's the one trying to talk positive. He said he's so bad at it. He said he's so negative.
Howard said he was trying to get his mom to eat but she would only eat Ensure. He said she will drink that with a straw. He said he almost grabbed it and drank it himself. He said that's good. He said he told his mom she had to eat something and she kept telling him to go home.
Robin said sometimes you just have to get someone up and moving. Howard said he's bringing her with him next time. He said his daughter is a nurse and she marched in there like a general. He said that kid is the best. He said he's taking his cues from her. He said she opened up the windows and told her to get out of bed. He said that his mother told her to go home too. He said even her fiancee Adam showed up. He said they threw him out of their apartment when they saw him. He said they told him to get out. He said he didn't know who Adam was. He said he told him not to worry about them. He said they're out of it.
Howard said Adam said he was driving by his parent's place and stopped by to bring them some food. He said he told him not to expect to be there a long time. He said he called up later and told him that his mom took the humus and tomatoes and asked him to leave.
Howard said his father doesn't have his social amenities anymore so he had this woman helping them out and just demands stuff from her. He said she knows what she's dealing with though so it's not a big deal. He said he even tried shocking his mother. He said he tried shocking her with conversation. He said she says she wants to die so he told her there are people who can help her with that. He said he's not sure if that's the case. He said then she said it's a sin against god so she doesn't want to do that. He said he wants to be gentle with her. He said he doesn't have the heart for this. He said she just tells him to get away from her. Robin said lying in bed is not good for her. Howard said she has to come with him next time. Robin said she'll get her out of bed. Howard said he knows she will. He said that's Nurse Robin over there. He said thank god she's not in that profession anymore. Robin said she used to go to the hospital and she would ask for the worst patient. She said that the people had to be with her the whole week and she'd ask for them and she'd take care of them for the day. She said they were terrible. Howard said please don't straddle his mother. Robin said she's not sure that's the cure for her.
Howard said his point in all of this was not to talk about his mom or dad. He was doing a commercial for Mattress Firm. He got back into that commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said this is one of his favorite songs. Robin didn't seem to like it. Howard said he just loves this song. He asked who did the original. He said he was like 14 when it was originally released. Robin said she didn't pay much attention tot this song. Howard said it was Status Quo. He said the dude who wrote it was Francis Rossi. He said he wrote it about his wife at the time. He said he realized it was a mistake. Robin said it must have been because this song is a mess.
Howard took a call from a guy who said bringing his family into the show is really good to hear. He said that it helps others navigate through that kind of thing. He thanked him for bringing it to light. Howard said it does help him to talk about it. He said otherwise he'd be crying. He said it's a difficult thing to navigate. He said that even the doctors say there's not much wrong with his mom but she's depressed. He said she's been depressed since he was in high school. He said she went on valium when he was in school and she felt better and got out of the house. He said she got a job and learned to ride a bicycle. He said he even got laid when he got her out of the house. He said that he had time for himself in the house. He said he felt like an adult. Howard said he was able to go home and smoke a bowl without his mom home.
The caller said he got to listen to Howard driving toe school with his mom and now he gets to do the same with his own son. He said they were listening this morning. Howard said that's great. He said keep that tradition going.
Robin said his mom should have been getting treated all her life for her depression. Howard said she's right. He said he used to hear stories from his mom about the things she was depressed about. He said then you'd go to sleep. Robin said that a lot of people lived when his mom did and they don't have the same reaction to it. She said that she has had this life long thing. Howard said he thinks that she has clinical depression and he's got it from her. He said it's contagious.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Arnold Schwarzenegger. He said hearing about his mom made him think that he can help her. He said she can do some dead lifts. Howard closed the door on him.
Howard said they're going to have 3 innovators on and the winner will win $5,000 and the title of Sex Toy Tycoon. He said that they will have a panel of experts in to judge. He said that they're going to find the next Steve of Blow Jobs.
Howard said these are some of the biggest power brokers of the sex toy industry coming in now. He said the first judge is Susan Colvin who owns a company that brought you the Jackrabbit vibrator. Robin said she's heard of that. Howard said she owns Cal Exotics and they release 150 new products every year. He said they do 40 million in sales every year. He said hello to Susan who said they have over 40 versions of that vibrator now. Howard asked if her parents were critical of her when she got into the business. He asked what it was like for her. Susan said that most of her family were supportive. She said that her father came to a convention that she was at for her company and he had no idea what some of the stuff was. She said they demonstrated some of them on her father to show him.
Howard said Susan has seen it all. He said she must have hope for someone to come up with something new and unique. He asked how you know if it's worth investing in. Susan said they ask how easy it is to use and how unique it is. She said that they want to know the price point too.
Howard asked Susan why women wanted dildos to come in colors. Susan said they wanted them to be more acceptable to couples. She said sometimes men feel concerned they may not be needed when their partner is using a dildo. She said if it's a color then it takes it into a different realm and it's not so threatening.
Howard asked Ronnie's fiancee Stephanie about using dildos with Ronnie and if that makes her happy. Stephanie said she does. She said she has a purple one and she's not sure if that helps with Ronnie. She said she's not sure if that helps with him or not.
Howard asked Susan about cock rings since Ronnie is into them. He said that they call them enhancement rings now. Ronnie said he didn't know that but he's going to stick to calling them cock rings.
Robin asked Susan how she got into the business. Susan said she sort of fell into it. She said she was working for a company and they had these products and she thought it was fabulous.
Howard said that Chad Braverman is the next judge. He said he's from Doc Johnson and they put out the pocket rocket. He said that's something else. He said that they also developed the moulding technique they use to sell replicas of porn star genitals. Chad said that they've been doing that for almost 35 years. He said that was before he was even there. He said that they've moulded every Vivid star so far. Howard said that it's weird that men wanted that. He said it's amazing what men want.
Howard asked Chad if his company is the one who figured out to attach a flashlight to these fake vaginas. Chad said they did not develop that. He said it's not an actual flash light on those things.
Howard asked Chad if he's going to try to withhold their sex toys from Russia with the war going on. He said he ships all over the world no matter what's going on.
Ronnie said they have a Pocket Rocket. He said the use it all the time and she can use it on him. Howard asked what she does to Ronnie with that. Stephanie said she uses it up against his balls. Ronnie said she uses it on the tip of his penis too.
Howard said the third judge is Doctor Sunny who is a clinical sexologist and she recommends thousands of products to customers. He asked Sunny what led her into this. Sunny said she started with a lot of the manufacturers in 2000 and after 20 years of saying the G-spot is over she is helping people and recommending to people what to use when it comes to sex toys.
Howard said it says that Sunny uses these sex toys and tries them out before they come out. He said they have injuries to show that. He said she once tired a lubricant out and she had an allergic reaction to it that lasted 24 hours. Sunny said that they were trying it out and she had a severe itching in her vaginal area. She said that lasted 24 hours and she sat in the tub and prayed for 24 hours for it to go away.
Howard said they also have Ronnie and his fiancee Stephanie in to judge. He said that Ronnie wonders why no one sponsors him. He said that he heard that Ronnie and Stephanie had sex 6 days in a row this week. Ronnie said they did. He said he had gone to bed one night and Stephanie was watching some show called Euphoria. He said there's a lot of sex going on there. He said he felt like he was being dragged into her body and he woke up to Stephanie doing something to him. He said he went back to sleep and then she grabbed his hand and put it by her vagina so he basically jerked her off in his sleep.
Howard asked Stephanie if Ronnie is that desirable that she has to wake him up like that. He said he loves the guy but is he really that needed. Stephanie said she'd rather do stuff with him than jerk herself off in bed next to him. She said that would be kind of creepy. She said she felt like his hand was already there. Ronnie said it wasn't though. He said she pulled him into it. Howard said two of their judges just vomited over there. He said that's odd.
Howard said he heard that Ronnie and Stephanie went to Memet's wedding in Vegas and the sex was six times in one week. He said that's what Ronnie reported. He said that's a lot of sex. Howard said it's a lot even for someone Stephanie's age. He asked if that's the driving force in their relationship. Stephanie said Ronnie can out do her many times.
Howard asked what they were up to last night. Ronnie said they had to get up early this morning and they went up to their room last night and Stephanie puts the TV on. He said that puts her to sleep. Ronnie said he had to get off and he was ready. He said he started in with her and that was it. He said it's a good thing the neighbors weren't in their room next door. He said they would have been knocking on the door.
Howard said they're a very sexual couple. Robin said they knew that. Howard said Stephanie wants a sex toy that looks like a looped penis. Stephanie said it's smaller and it has a little mouth on the end and it's supposed to be good for women. Robin said she'd have to draw that for her. Ronnie said it looks like a ram's horn kind of.
Howard said the reason Ronnie and Stephanie are there is because the have a lot of sex toys and they have one that cost them $300. He said they also have the Earth Quaker. He said they have a lot of things going on over there.
Howard said they have to play Sex Toy Tycoon now. He said he's going to introduce the three innovators for the sex toys. He said they have 60 seconds to pitch their products. He said they will give point scores for all of them and they will crown one of them their honorary tycoon and they will win $5,000 from PinkCherry.com.
Howard had an intro for this guy Brian Heron who had a doll in lingerie next to him. He said it is a realistic sex doll. Howard asked what Brian's idea is. Brian said it's Denver Doll which is a realistic sex doll company. Howard asked what the idea is and what happens. Brian said what you're able to do is go to DenverDollLTD.com and you can take all control over the sexual experience. Howard asked Brian if he will set him up in a hotel room and have the doll there for him. Brian said that's how it works. He said they set it up in the room for you so you can have sex with it and you don't have the buy the whole doll. He said they will work with you on the hotel and they will go in and set up the doll so you can go in and have your time with it.
Howard asked how they clean the doll out. Brian said the doll is cleaner than any person. He said they use an anti-microbial cleaner and they inspect it with a black light before it goes to the room.
Howard asked the judges if they have any questions. Ronnie said he has a lot. He asked Brian what it costs to rent it. Brian said it starts at $190 for 2 hours. Ronnie asked what it does for you. He said you're basically playing with a piece of rubber. Howard said there's nothing wrong with that. Brian said it's the same as having a Fleshlgiht or something like that. He said if you're married you don't have to worry about cheating. He said it's clean and it's safe. Ronnie said it makes no sense to him.
Howard asked if anyone has ever done anything horrible to one of the dolls. Brian said no one has really done anything. He said one guy put a blow dryer in one to warm it up but it just melted it.
Howard asked if any of the judges have questions. Susan asked how long he's been in business. Brian said four years. He gave some details on what they've made doing it. Chad asked if he brings the doll to the room in a body bag. Brian explained how that works. He said one of the managers said they have been using their hotel for a year and a half and she had no idea. He said that's how discrete it is. Chad asked how many dolls they have. Brian said they have 22 dolls they can choose from.
Howard said this is the American dream. He said Brian used to work on an oil rig and now this is what he does. Chad asked how this all came about. Brian went back and talked about how they bring the doll to the hotel or house. He said they don't bring the truck with the name of he company on it.
Howard asked if they have male dolls they can rent. Brian said they do have that option. He said once they had a client ask for a child doll. He said his first reaction was to be angry. He said he has a daughter that's 8 and if interacting with a doll will help stop that person from harming a kid then he'd rather have that. He said that guy would have to go buy that himself. He said they don't have any kid dolls. Robin asked if this is only available in Denver. Brian said they do plan to expand. Dr. Sunny asked if it's just the doll or does it come with lubricants or anything like that. Brian said you can add a VR headset and watch your favorite porn while you're with the doll. He said it does come with lube and condoms.
Howard said one client requested a doll that was not clean and sanitized but they declined that.
Howard said he's going to move on if they don't have any more questions. He asked Susan what score she'd give Brian. She said she'd give him a 1. She said it's not for her. She said it sounds like he works hard with this but it's a hard thing for her to get into. Howard asked Chad where he's at. Chad said he started at a 1 but he's thinking that it's more of a 2 now that he's thinking about it. He said there are love hotels in Japan and he's thinking there might be something here. He said he wouldn't invest in it himself but there might be something there. Howard asked Dr. Sunny what she thinks. Sunny said she thought he same as Chad at first. She said then she heard the concept and she's thinking it might be something that would work. She said she's going to give him a 3. She said she thinks that it's going to work.
Howard said he's going to do some math and came up with a score of 6. He said he won't go into how he did the math but it came out at a 6.
Howard asked Ronnie and Stephanie what they think. Ronnie said he thinks that if he's going to get caught with a doll doing this like a weirdo he'd rather get caught with a hooker and enjoy himself. He said he's giving it a 1. Howard asked Stephanie what she thinks. Stephanie said she can see it and she's in the middle. She gave it a score of 2. Howard said he thinks they're at a score of 9 for Brian.
Howard had an intro for Brian Sloan who invented the Autoblow. Robin was laughing for some reason. Howard said how dare she do that. Howard said he loves the name Autoblow. He said that's great. He said he's all there for that. Howard said Brian said that they learned some things about blow jobs and incorporated all of that into the Autoblow. Howard said he has a ton of patents on this device and others. Howard said he must be a scientist. He said he even invented something that works in the Tesla while it's in auto drive mode. Howard asked Brian about that. Brian said that it mounts the Autoblow in the car while you're driving so you can enjoy that while the car is driving for you. He said they were going to make it but the found out that their insurance won't cover anything that connects to a car. He said they can't actually put that on the market.
Howard asked Brian to give them a 60 second pitch. Brian went into his pitch for this Autoblow AI. He said it uses AI and a penis gripper to give you a blow job. He went into detail about how it works. Howard said what a genius. He asked if he went to school for engineering or something. Brian said he isn't and he didn't go to school for that. He said he hired some people to come up with the engineering. Howard said all the judges are holding the Autoblow in their hands right now. He said Ronnie is giggling. Ronnie said this thing is really fucking cool. He said he really likes it.
Howard asked Susan what she thinks about this thing. Susan asked what it costs. Brian said it's $249.95. Susan said it's very interesting. Chad said he has seen this before and he wonders what iteration this is. Brian said this is the fourth one. He said he's been doing it since 2008. He said they have sold about 200,000 of that device. He said this is their more advanced device. Chad said his is plugged in and not working. He asked if it works without that. Brian said it's designed to plug in. He said it has to be powered by the wall plug. Howard asked how you clean it. Brian said you use soap and water and let it dry out. Chad asked if it's silicone. Brian said it is. Chad asked if he could remember what he likes versus having one of the 16 choices on this one. Brian said on the later one they will have that option. He said that will be coming later this year.
Howard said that this would be a great bar mitzvah gift. He said Dr. Sunny has been quiet over there. Sunny said she was worried about the big yellow warning sticker on it. She asked what this cylinder is for on this thing. Brian said it's just the housing around the device itself. Sunny asked about the chubby part at the bottom. Brian wasn't sure what she was talking about. Howard said she has a really sexy voice. Chad said he thinks that part just keeps it from leaving the sleeve. Sunny asked about the textures inside. Brian said they have different types you can swap it out for. He said they have different looks and different textures.
Howard asked if he has any eye socket ones. He asked if they're dishwasher safe. Brian said they are. He said you can even boil it.
Howard said he has the feeling that Ronnie is going to try this after the show. Ronnie said he might. He said he thinks it's cool.
Howard asked what score Susan gives this product. She said that she'd give it a 3. She said it's a lot of money but she likes it. She said she thinks it's very well made. Howard asked if it comes with a guarantee. Brian said it has a year long warranty. Howard asked Chad what score he would give this device. Chad said he started out at a 3 but he doesn't love that it has to be plugged in. He said that it's very heavy and it's not comfortable to hold and use. He said he's giving it a score of 2.
Howard asked Dr. sunny what she gives it. She said that it has a speaker on the bottom. Brian said it's actually a vent. He said there's a fan in here to cool the motor. Sunny said she's giving it a score of 2.
Howard asked Ronnie what score he'd give this device. Ronnie said he'd give it a score of 3. He said he likes you can switch it out for the ass and pussy. He said you can pack it in your suitcase too. He said he likes that you plug it in. He said if its not charged enough you might not get off.
Howard asked Stephanie what she's thinking about this thing. Stephanie said she would give it a score of 1. She said she thinks that she might get jealous of it if Ronnie was using it. She said she doesn't like he warning label on it and she wouldn't want to have to plug it in. She said that they could make the vagina look more realistic.
Howard said they have a total score of 11. He said that puts him in the lead for Sex Toy Tycoon.
Howard said that they have another contestant coming up. He had an intro for that one. This is Jerry Davies with BallDo. Howard said this is revolutionary. He said he'll let him tell everyone what it does. Jerry told Howard about what it would be like to have a second penis. He said it's the worlds first ball dildo. He said it makes your balls rigid so you can use them for insertion. He said it can be used as a second penis that never goes soft. Howard said it's something that goes over the balls but it's like a dildo. Jerry said that's right. Howard said that hearing it from him with that English accent is great. Brian said the balls are protected with the BallDo and it makes them feel okay. Howard said when he was inventing it he used different materials and he almost cut off his own balls during it. He said he had to switch to a different material. Howard said he
Howard asked Susan if she has any questions. She asked how many he's sold and how long he's been doing it. Jerry said they have sold about 6,000 since August of last year. Howard asked if they can have sex with two women at the same time with that. Jerry said yes you can.
Chad asked if the man has to prep at all for this. Jerry said that there is a learning curve and you do have to trim your ball hair down to about a quarter of an inch. He said that you might get used to it after the second or third time.
Dr. Sunny asked how you get the balls in there. The guys were showing her what it looks like and how it works.
Howard asked how much money he has invested in this. Jerry said he has put just $50,000 into it. Howard said lets go to the judges and find out what their scores are. He said Ronnie is staring at it and he can't tell what he's thinking. Howard asked Susan what she thinks about this. Susan said it is original. She said she would go with a 2. She said it's very solid. She said that's a concern. She said she would think it would be hard to get into it. Chad said he likes how unique it is. He said that he's creating this thing with ball play. He said he has some concerns about it but he would give it a score of 2. He said he thinks it has a lot of potential though. Robin said it can be used with men or women so that's a positive.
Howard asked Dr. Sunny where she's at on this thing. Sunny said she's on the fence about it. She said it's good for men who suffer from ED. She said that some other men may not get anything out of it. She said that she's going to give it a score of 2.
Howard asked Ronnie what he thinks about this. Ronnie said he's not into ball stuff. He said he's tried it before but he has issues with it. He said for him its not a great product but it might be good for other people so he's giving it a 2. Howard asked Stephanie for a score. She gave it a 1 because she doesn't want to fuck balls.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake George Takei who said his balls are stuck in brad's ass. Howard closed the door on him a few seconds into that.
Howard said their winner is Brian Sloan with the Autoblow. Howard said they all did a great pitch job. Howard said they're all entrepreneurs. Howard said he wins $5,000 from PinkCherry.com.
Howard went over the products they just heard about and gave them all some plugs. Howard asked what Brian is going to use the 5 grand for. Brian said they're developing the next one so the have plenty of costs there. He said he'll probably write a check for one of the engineers today. Howard thanked everyone for coming on today. He wrapped up the segment and played the theme song for Sex Toy Tycoon and went into a live commercial read before going to break.
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Howard came back and said what a great song that is. He said Natalie Maines is on his phone. He took her call and said that she should cover that song. He asked why she wasn't part of that group doing that song. Natalie said they were there for that concert and they did some other songs. Howard asked if she is on speaker phone. Natalie said she's on her Air Pods. She said she'll call back from her land line. Howard said he wants to hear what it was like to have JD over for dinner. He said he hasn't spoken to her in a long time.
Howard spent a minute talking about how he wouldn't want to spend a lot of time at someone's house. He said it's not fun. He said it's not his thing. He said he's go to her house for dinner. Robin said nothing is Howard's thing. She said he just has to do it. Howard said he does not like staying at someone's house for an extended amount of time. He said he's out after an hour. He said he likes his own house and his things. He said he's not looking to be at someone's house for a long time.
Robin asked if Jimmy has asked him to come over. Howard said he has but he won't stay there. He said he wants to go home. Howard asked what happened to Natalie. JD said that her land line is dead. He said she's having issues. Howard said have her call back on her phone without the Air Pods. JD said he just did. He said he texted what he just said.
Howard said he has to control everything around here. He said everyone just gave up on her because her land line doesn't work. He said no one tells him what's going on. He said there's Hollywood Harmeyer texting Natalie Maines.
Howard asked if she's calling back or what. He said he wants to move on. He said he has to move on but then she'll call back. He said he's really getting fucked up here.
Howard picked up on Natalie again. She said that she called back. Howard asked what happened. Natalie said her land line is dead. She said she has to deal with it today. Howard asked if she has people who handle that for her. Natalie said she handles it. Howard said he's surprised she doesn't have a person like Captain Dennis. Natalie said she needs him over there now. Natalie said she's never had her land line die before.
Howard said he was killing time waiting for her and it was lovely having her over at his house. He said he hasn't seen her since. He asked how long it's been. She said it might have been the Birthday Bash or the charity event she did. Howard that's right. Robin said that birthday bash was a long time ago. Howard said it's been years.
Howard said he was saying he wouldn't stay at her house. He said he doesn't want to stay at someone's house. Natalie said that she only stayed at his house because she had to see what was going on over there. Howard said yes she did.
Howard asked what happened with JD at her house. He said it was very gracious and lovely of her to have him over. Natalie said she forgot about him falling asleep. JD said he just nodded off. Natalie said that he did arrive with just slits for eyes. She said there was something going on there. JD said nothing was going on. Howard said JD is a stoner now. He said he would think you'd want to not go there high but he walks in high. JD said that's just his natural thing.
Howard asked if JD was everything she hoped for in a dinner guest. Natalie said she would say that he was a fine dinner guest. She said Blitt did most of the talking. She said JD did a lot of laughing and that's what you want. She said they got a whoop from him so that's what they wanted. She said JD will get tongue tied and he'll just say ''It's a whole thing'' and stop talking. Howard said that is a thing he does now.
Howard asked what she has to say about Jon Blitt. Natalie said that's a whole thing. She said he's always pitching TV show ideas. She said they were writing theme songs for the TV shows he was coming up with. Jon said Natalie told them about a squatter they have in her house in Hawaii and he came up with a show about her house in Hawaii with the squatter. Howard said just sick Jon on that guy for a week and the guy will leave.
Howard asked Natalie about what's going on and why she's calling in. Natalie said they have announced their tour. She said they were supposed to go out in 2020 ad then the lock down came and they never did it. She said they're going out this summer and they announced it yesterday. She said today is pre-sale and Friday is on sale. Howard said that's exciting. Howard said The Chicks are going out on tour and you can get to see them. He said they put on some show.
Howard said that he's the last hold out for this COVID thing. He said everyone is going out. Natalie said the concert is outdoors so Howard can come. Howard said he would go to that.
Howard said she has to have JD on stage playing tambourine when she's in town. Natalie said that would be her pleasure. Howard said The Chicks know how to play and sing. He said they know how to make you happy. He said he's sure that she'll open with this. He played one of their songs. Natalie said he could be right. She said hey may do the Howard Stern theme song they covered. She said they're starting rehearsals in April. Howard said it's about time to get back on the road. Robin asked if she misses the touring. Natalie said she does miss the interaction with the fans. She said they were excited to go out but it was a bummer when the tour had to be canceled. She said she's got her fingers crossed for no new variant or pandemic.
Natalie asked for a hat update so Howard said he'll get to that and some fan feedback. He let her go after that.
Howard had some comments about the Red Hot Chili Peppers conversation they had yesterday. He said the fans were weighing in on the songs the might have them play. Howard read through some of those comments from the fans about the songs they were picking. That led to Howard talking about how much he thinks Gary is wrong about his music picks. He said that he was probably wrong yesterday. He said he had a moment of weakness listening to Gary yesterday.
Howard said he thinks he might go with ''Give it Away'' and ''Californication.'' Howard played some ''Give it Away'' and sang a little bit of it too. Howard read through some more feedback he got about the songs they should have them perform. Fans were making their own suggestions for what to have them perform.
Howard said he got an update on High Pitch Erik yesterday. He said that he's going down to Florida to meet up with Debbie the Cum Lady. He said that people wrote in about that. He read through some of those comments from fans who think Erik won't be able to perform. Howard said some people think that Erik's friend Joe is going there to get blown but Joe says that he's not going there for that.
Howard said Erik sent them an audio clip of himself jerking off to Debbie. Howard played the audio and Erik was doing his deep voice thing and talking dirty to Debbie. Howard said the great comedy minds there knew they had gold and cut that up and called a religious radio show. He said they posed as a woman named Debbie whose brother was jerking off to her. Howard played the new phony phone call and 'Debbie' (Chris Wilding) told the host of the show about her step brother who masturbates to her. Then they had Erik's clips play to make it sound like he was jerking off to her. The host didn't hang up though they just kept them on and said her life is in danger. They eventually hung up on them.
Howard said as a kicker to all of this he wants to let everyone know that Debbie is prepared for this whole thing. He said she wrote to Sal about how nervous she is about Erik not cumming because she's never failed at getting someone to cum before.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik and asked if he heard that letter. Erik said he didn't. Howard said she said that if he doesn't cum then she's going to be hurt. Erik said he's not going to fail her. He said he's going to make her so happy. Howard said he's going to deliver then. Howard asked if he has been practicing at all. Erik said she left a message on his voicemail saying not to cum so he can hold it in for her. He said that way she'll get good loads from him.
Howard asked if he has lost weight. Erik said he has. Howard asked how much. Erik said he lost maybe another 4 pounds and 14-16 total. Howard asked if has stopped the medication. Erik said he hasn't. He said he's not taking Percoset anymore though. Robin said he's on these psychoactive drugs that take away your boner. Erik said if he takes Percoset it stops him from getting a boner. Howard said just go with it.
Hard said the big blow job is set for March 14th. He said the plan is to drop many loads. Howard asked how many. Erik said maybe 10-14 a day. Howard said that's his goal. Erik asked how many loads Robin has dropped a day. Robin said women don't have loads. Erik said he knows that and asked Howard how many he has done in a day. Howard said he dropped 5 when he was about 18 or 19. He said there were times he was able to do that but he was a young stud at the time. Howard said he felt drained after that. He said he's sure he must have taken a nap after that. He said he was very attracted to that woman. Erik said wow to that. Robin said he thinks he can do 10-15 but he's saying 'wow' to Howard's 5.
Howard said Chris Wilding is accusing Erik of using a slimming filter on Instagram. Erik asked if he's on drugs or something. Chris said he has some kind of filter on his face on Cameo and you can see his fatter head off the filter. Erik said he is not using a filter.
Howard said he has to move on to talk to Debbie the Cum Lady who said that she's really worried about this whole thing. She said that she almost had a panic attack over this. He said its really going o bring her down if she doesn't make Erik finish. She said that it will bring her really down if he doesn't. Howard said this has been going on for years with Erik and if he's gay or not. He said they've been talking about her blowing him for years now. He said he sees how proud she is of what she does. He said she'll feel less of a woman if she doesn't get him to cum. Debbie said she has to get him to do it now. She said she was worried about it before but she has to conquer this. She said she has to get him to cum.
Howard said he heard that she booked a beach front hotel for this. Debbie said she'd like to blow him on the balcony. She said even if he's gay she should be able to make him cum. She said she has made a Tranny cum. Howard asked if she will take her title away if she isn't able to do this. Debbie said she won't stop until she makes it happen. She said she has 3 days with him and she'll figure out what she has to do to make it happen.
Howard asked Erik if he hears this and if he hers the passion in her voice. Robin said Erik has led them down this path before and he's let them down before. Erik said that he won't let them down this time. She said that there won't be cameras in front of him this time. Howard said maybe Debbie should get a John Stamos mask to wear. She said she has no problem with him watching Blue Bloods or whatever while they're doing it.
Howard said this is a lovely woman. He asked what she's going to wear for him. She said she'll start out in bra and panties. She said she'll rub his cock on her tits or whatever. Erik said he might cum on her tits. Debbie said she wants him to finish in her throat. She said she needs that in her mouth. She said hey can't waste his sugar. Erik didn't know what she meant by that. Howard said they have to be clear what she wants with Erik. He said he won't know what she's talking about.
Erik said he's never seen his loads before. He said he shoots it into a baby wipe or something so it's white and he can't see it.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Dan Rather reporting on this horror story of Erik jerking off. He was describing what it looked like as Erik was doing his thing with his button penis.
Howard said it sounds like Debbie is going to have her work cut out for her. Robin agreed. Debbie asked if she should tell Erik how wet she is right now. Howard said sure. Debbie started to moan and she said her pussy is vibrating thinking about Erik. She said she can't wait for him to cum on her tongue. Howard said she'll be happy to know that Erik has lost 14-16 pounds. He said he wants to give her 14 loads a day too. Debbie said she can't wait. She said she's counting the days. Erik said he can't wait either. He said he'd like to get a GoPro to put on his truck for the drive down. Howard said they'll talk about that later. Erik said he's going to make this happen. He said every time on the Wrap Up Show Gary says he's gay. He said he's not gay. Gary said he never says that.
Erik said he really likes Jon Blitt on the show. Hard said he thinks that he wants to interview him. Erik said he's a good looking guy. Howard asked if he wants to have phone sex with him right now. Erik said he looks a little bit like John Stamos. Howard had Jon do his thing with Erik. Jon talked dirty to Erik and Erik went into his Low Pitch Erik voice and talked dirty to Jon. Erik said his voice is so hot. Robin asked where Erik's voice comes from. Erik said he's in a love trace between Jon and Debbie. Erik said he's 100 percent straight too. He said he wants him to come to Florida too. Howard said they can't have everyone going down there. Howard played Erik off with a song parody.
Howard went to Benjy and asked why he won't weigh the hat or send pictures. Benjy said he has sent pictures of the load. He said he sopped when they were making fun of his loads. He said he didn't want that going on. He said he was humiliated and embarrassed. He said they said it was gross and disgusting. He said Sal's load was sweet but his was sad. Blitt said it was gross. He said they were kind of just ''Meh.'' He said he thinks he's wasting loads and not putting it all into the hat. He said he has to commit to the load.
Howard said Jason has 3 pictures of Benjy's loads. He asked if Robin wants to see that. Robin said she wasn't looking for that but she'll take a look. The guys showed it to them and Howard said it looks like someone blew their nose on it. He said it is a tiny load. Benjy said it is not. He said some of it went over the side. Howard said it is a load. He said wow. Jason said he has the saddest load they got too. He showed that to them too. Benjy said that was a baby load. Robin asked if he's serious. Benjy said he told them that he weighed it and it only goes up like a gram.
Howard asked how many loads he's shot on the hat. Benjy said maybe 10 and he may have missed two and they ended up in the bed. He said that it felt weird standing up too. Howard said he always stands up. He said you get it out and get it done like a real man. Benjy asked where he stands. Howard said in the bathroom.
Robin said she's thinking that Benjy wouldn't be able to get a woman pregnant with that load. Howard said Sal's loads are like 10 times the size of Benjy's loads. Sal said that was like a drop. Benjy said they should get an egg and put his sperm in and Sal's sperm in there and see whose splits that egg.
Sal said that Benjy's load is like the sprinkles he has after he finished in the hat. Howard said Benjy wants to get an egg. He said he's not sure why. Benjy said he wants to do it at a fertility clinic and see whose sperm impregnates it. Howard said stop it. He said he thinks he should go to a doctor and find out what's wrong.
Howard said its like his penis is an eye dropper. He said he needs a much bigger load to impress women. Benjy said he'll have to do something about it. Howard said he thinks Benjy got the idea he should deliver one sperm at a time.
Howard asked how long Benjy is going to have that hat. He said he heard that Ronnie changed his mind after seeing Benjy's load. Blitt said that Ronnie wants to do something with the hat with Stephanie. He said he wants her to finish in her mouth and then he wants to spit that out in the hat and then jerk off into it. Howard said he's lost his mind out there in Vegas. Benjy said he's keeping the hat in this box and he's come out into the living room and it's been outside the box. He said it's like a Twilight Zone episode. Howard asked to see the hat. Benjy showed it.
Howard said he must have learned something from that behavior. Memet said he has never worn jewelry before so it's something to get used to.
Howard said JD was asked to do a wedding video for them. JD said that it was Mary who asked him to do that. He said it wasn't Memet who asked him. Memet said that Mary surprised him at his wedding with video of his family and friends. He said it was very sweet but it was odd to see people's faces from work. He said his stomach sank when he saw that. He said he didn't want to bother people from work with that stuff. He said he worked out there on his wedding day so he wouldn't get in trouble. He said it still happened.
Howard said JD had a list of 35 people he had to bother for this video. JD said he didn't know who Memet dealt with so he went through the directory and asked as many people as he could. Howard said JD had to do that and then Ben from their IT department got involved. Memet said he was horrified when he saw that and he knows she was doing something nice. Howard said someone who wants to remain anonymous wrote something about this request. The person said that they're not that meaningful to Memet so he's not sure why he's involved. The person had never had a conversation with Memet. JD said he apologizes to that person for putting that person out so much.
Howard said JD asked if he should bother Howard with that request. JD said he did send an email about asking Howard and Robin about it. He said that it was fine if they didn't. Howard said he's upset with JD for not forwarding that to him. He said that would have been the greatest joy in his career. He said he misread the situation. Robin said she's upset that they didn't get as upset as the rest of the staff.
Howard read a list of people who did submit videos for Memet. He said he has some audio of JD giving his advice. He had no advice really. He said just keep doing what they're doing.
Howard said Chris Wilding had the worst reaction to this whole thing. He said Chris was upset that JD was put in charge of the whole thing. He said he felt offended by the request. He said a few others refused to send in videos. Chris explained why he didn't do it. He said to put JD in charge of this was the wrong thing to do. He said if Mary had asked him herself then he would have done it. He said JD doesn't know how to say no. He said it felt kind of like getting the slow guy to park cars at the wedding. He said it didn't feel right.
Memet said that he was reading the notes last night about this and he was getting so pissed at Chris. He said at the same time he was thinking about it and how he'd be pissed too. He said he's sorry this happened. He said he had no idea it was going on. He said if he knew it was going on he would have stopped it.
Ronnie said that Memet is a nervous wreck. He said he has been pacing around all morning. Howard said he didn't know he was that close to him. Ronnie said he was close enough that he thought he should go to his wedding. He said there were about 75 people there. He said that it was outdoors. He said unfortunately it was the coldest day in Vegas in 10 years. He said it was windy too. He said if he had a toupee on it would have blown down the street. He said everyone was freezing their ass off. He said it was a nice ceremony of course.
Howard said he heard Memet is upset with his wife about losing his ring. Memet said that's not true at all. He said that doesn't make sense. He said he'd follow up on that report. He said it doesn't follow logic. He said shame on you Will.
The guys spent a minute talking about Memet and how he has lost other things at work. He said it's not just the ring. Howard said he's sure the ring is in his pocket or something. Memet said it's not. He said he turned over the whole studio he's in out there.
Howard said he shouldn't have kids because he'll lose them. Chris said if you pick up Memet's phone it has a note on it saying if you find the phones then bring it to this address. He said he loses everything. Howard said this is some way to start a marriage. He asked why he didn't get married at a Justice of the Peace in New York instead of going to Vegas. Memet said the show is there but his family isn't. He said his family lives where they got married. He said he hates that they were inconvenienced but that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Chris said he thinks that Mary wanted the videos from Robin and Howard and they didn't get that. He said he's sure the cut out some of the videos. Memet said he wishes they had but some of he videos went on and on so long that people walked out. He said he should really play Jason and Will's message. He said he defies you to get through their video. He said how dare they say that he inconvenienced them. Jason said they gave up on trying to do that. Will said they should have edited it. Memet said he didn't even know it was happening.
Howard had to calm the guys down because they were all yelling at each other. Howard asked Jason and Will what's going on. Memet was still talking over them.
Will said they were asked to do this video and they forgot about it. Will said he didn't forget about it. He said it was just hanging over his head. Memet said that he didn't ask for it. Jason said that they didn't know what to do about it. Will said they didn't want to be judged by strangers. Chris said he just responded by saying ''Get a life.''
Memet went off on Will and Jason for their video being too long and not funny. They left it fat so they could edit it according to Will. Memet was yelling over everyone. Howard said he thinks that the guys felt imposed upon and they thought it was a waste of time. He said Memet is as angry as Mel Gibson seeing a Jewish cop. Memet said he does appreciate those people who did respond to the request.
Howard said he'd like to know why some people didn't respond to this. Wolfie was one. Wolfie got on and said that he didn't want to make people suffer at the wedding so he didn't want to submit a video. He said that he likes Memet though. Memet said that he's glad that he didn't do one. Will said that's so douchy to say because his wife asked them for it. He said that's really fucked up. Chris said what's fucked up is that they asked people who weren't invited to the wedding to do the videos.
Howard said Ronnie was at the wedding and he saw what happened. Ronnie said Mary looked great and she had some hot friends there. He said Mrs. JD was there. He said she looked nice too. He said she came up to the house and they had dinner together. He said it was really nice.
Howard said the party kept going after the wedding. He said Ronnie smoked some weed and got high, high. He had sex with Stephanie there. Howard said Ronnie went to a Daytona 500 party too. Ronnie said he had it at his house.
Howard said this guy is an older man and he had a conversation with his friend Joe who agrees with him that he has some constitution. He said nothing affects this guy. Robin said you have to see it to believe it. Howard said it's amazing.
Ronnie said everything fell on the same weekend. He told Howard about what was going on and how all of these parties and things fell on the same weekend. He said you can't turn people down if they come to visit from out of town. He explained their week and how busy it was.
Howard asked Ronnie what's going on with his Twitter feed going off the rails. He said Apples is on the phone with that. Howard took his call from Apples who brought up his Twitter and how one of his followers is missing. Ronnie said the guy is just sick. Howard said he did get a report that the feed has been suffering because this guy is sick. Chris said he has to agree with that. Ronnie said he doesn't care what the girls look like. Chris said he needs to. Howard said he has to have some quality control. Ronnie said he has to explain. He said this guy who is a veteran sent him pictures of his wife naked. He said he said he'd retweet it and then the guy started. He said he sent like 20 fucking pictures. He said he just said he'd retweet them. Chris said his whole feed was an old lady. Ronnie said the woman is 62 years old and she looks pretty damn good for 62. Howard said she does. The guys talked about how weird the pictures were and how disturbing they were.
Howard said it seems like this Emilio guy is the one who gets him the pictures. Ronnie said that's not true. He said there are other people who tweet pictures and they're gorgeous women.
Howard asked if Ronnie ever says no to pictures. Ronnie said he doesn't discriminate. Apples said there's a newcomer who is a furniture store and they're posting great pictures. He said he has a great variety. He said he's turning things around after that old lady.
Apples said it was a delight to have Stephanie on the show today. He said her Instagram has her in a shirt with a kitten on it. He said he's thinking that has something to do with Beth. Ronnie said she's not copying Beth you fucking idiot. He said she's working with cats because she works at a Vet. He said he just had to bring it up like he did with the cereal. He said this guy is a fucking moron. Howard asked if he's claiming that she's trying to imitate Beth. Apples said yes, that's exactly what he's claiming. Ronnie said that Stephanie was asked to put that picture up on her Instagram so she did it.
Apples had more to say about Stephanie and claimed he was defending her. Howard let him go after that. Ronnie was still going off on him about that.
Howard said from what he understands Memet is now married to Mary. He said he lost his ring on the first day and he sees nothing psychological about that. He said he got upset because a video was made with staff members and the staff weren't thrilled about making it. He asked if that's right. He said Ronnie was the only staff member who was there.
Howard said this is some audio of Ronnie talking about smoking weed and having sex on weed. He was talking to Blitt about that. Howard said he has some audio of Ronnie talking about his middle of the night deal. He said that was when the had sex on Monday night. It was the story they went over with Ronnie earlier.
Howard said what a party Ronnie is having. He said it seems he's even more sexual in Vegas than ever before. Ronnie said he's much more relaxed and rested out there. Everyone stared doing their impression of Ronnie talking about the sex stuff.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he's confused about Ronnie's Twitter. He said don't post if the guy is sick. He said he's not sure why he doesn't just do it himself. He said he's shocked. Ronnie said he just likes people putting stuff up and he retweets it. Howard said if he's the source he should be doing it himself and have some standards. He said maybe he'll filter out the stuff that people may not want to see. Ronnie said he doesn't want to insult anyone. Robin said he has no standards and that's his standards. She said she likes that. Howard said no one loved Playboy more than Ronnie. He said when he met him he had playboy stuff all over his car and house. He said Hugh Hefner didn't let just anyone in Playboy. Ronnie said that was him. He said he's not that guy.
The guys were making fun of the 62 year old woman. Ralph said she was missing teeth. Howard said so is Ralph. He said that she's not the only one. The guys were all goofing on the comments on the old lady's pictures. Howard said he thought she was attractive.
Howard was doing his impression of Ronnie talking about that old lady Kathy. He said that he doesn't see too many women her age looking that good. Ronnie said hat's what he said. He said here were no saggy tits there. Howard said see if you can get a shot of her drinking prune juice or something. The guys were all goofing on the old lady thing. Howard said he really did think she was attractive. Then he came up with more old lady photo op ideas.
Howard took a call from a woman who said they should all emulate Beth. She said she's wonderful so who cares if Stephanie is doing that. Ronnie said he's not upset about that. He said Apples is just stirring shit up. He said it's totally untrue. Howard told him to take it easy over there and calm down.
Howard said he should just use he Autoblow. Ronnie said he might. He said he doesn't need it though. He said he has Stephanie. Howard said he should give it a try and see how it works. Ronnie said they just got a whole bag from Susan from her company. He said he has all kinds of different toys. Howard asked what he's excited about. Ronnie said there are some things that Stephanie is looking forward to. He said he has to have it all shipped home instead of flying with it.
Howard said they're going to have Courteney Cox on the show tomorrow to talk about the new show she's in. He said the show is really good. He said he's up to 3 episodes so far. Robin said she's up to 4. She said she's enjoyed every episode.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 11:05am.
Howard started the show taking a call from a guy who asked for a Bigfoot update. Howard said he's got one to give and he's been promising it. He said he might be engaged to be married. He asked if the caller would be shocked to learn that. He said he'll give that update now.
Howard said for those who don't know Bigfoot is a bearded man from the backwoods of Vermont. He got Wolfie on to talk about this.
Howard said Bigfoot is fascinating. He said especially his sex life. He went over some of the things he's revealed over the years. He said there was a long history of things with him. He asked Robin how old she thinks Bigfoot is. Robin said she's going to guess 56. Howard said he's 64 years old. Robin said she thought she was going high. Howard said last time she saw him he was probably 56.
Howard said Bigfoot reached out to Wolfie and he's considering marrying a woman named Melody. He said he gave him the scoop on that. Howard had some audio of Bigfoot telling Wolfie about this woman he wants to marry. Bigfoot said he's getting older and he wants to settle down. He said a lot of the people she used to go out with are dead now. He said she's his soul mate.
Wolfie said that Bigfoot claims that he slept with 60 different women in his life. He said he's not sure about dudes. He said he can come up with around 10 that he's told him about.
Robin said it sounds like she had a lot of lovers and they've all died other than Bigfoot. Howard asked if Bigfoot had anything to do with that. Wolfie said he has a feeling that there were a lot of drug overdoses and things like that.
Howard said Bigfoot sounds like he's in love and he's been in an on and off relationship with Melody for 30 years. He said they sill talk on the phone. Wolfie said she lives in Vermont on a farm up there.
Howard played some audio of Bigfoot talking about Melody and how she never complains about anything like some girls do. He said he doesn't have to pay her $100 like some women charge him. Robin asked if he doesn't get that he was with prostitutes. Howard said apparently he doesn't.
Howard said this woman doesn't run away like other women do. He said that's the most important thing. He said Wolfie asked Bigfoot if this woman ever cheated on him. Bigfoot said she has and right in front of her with the mail man. He said that he let her do it. He said he didn't let her do it for free. He said he charged the mail man for it. He said they had a threesome together. He said she liked that and wanted to see him giving it to the mail man up the ass.
Howard said Bigfoot is saying that he charged the mail man so it was just business. Wolfie said he didn't know that this story had that level of detail. Howard asked when this guy had time to deliver the mail. He said maybe he didn't.
Howard said Wolfie tracked down Melody and she has a bunch of kids with other men. He said she lives alone on a goat farm in a camper. Robin laughed. Howard said how dare you. Robin said it keeps getting worse. Howard said Wolfie asked if she wants to marry Bigfoot and she said yes. Howard had some audio of Melody talking to Wolfie about that. She said Bigfoot needs someone to love him and she needs someone to love her too. She said that her kids have met him and they think she's out of her mind. She said they're not sure what to think of him.
Howard said Melody wants Bigfoot to sign a pre-nup because she owns the property she's living on. He said she doesn't want to lose that. Howard wondered how she introduced Bigfoot to the kids. Wolfie said one of the sons seems to be a bit shell shocked. He said he's in his 30s.
Howard played some audio of Melody talking about Bigfoot and how big his cock is. She said he has a good one. She said he tells her that it's 9 and a half inches. She said he's able to get in there with it and he's able to ream it out.
Howard said Bigfoot is the Pete Davidson of Vermont apparently. He said Bigfoot and Medicated Pete are both hung. He said he's not sure why God would give them the big cocks. He said they're the least qualified to procreate.
Howard said this woman wants to marry Bigfoot. Robin asked if he sees a disaster coming. Howard asked if she's talking about this or Ukraine.
Howard played some audio of Melody talking to Wolfie about Bigfoot running around the house and putting Crisco on himself and stroking himself. She said he was doing that with the mail man. Howard said for those who have seen Bigfoot if he's rubbing you with Crisco then he's either going to fuck you or eat you. He said there's a lot going on up there.
Howard played more of Melody talking about what Bigfoot did with the mail man. She said she saw Bigfoot giving anal sex to the mail man. She said she wondered what the hell was going on. She said she didn't know he was bisexual. She said he doesn't care what hole he's going into. Howard said most of her kids move to Ukraine today to get away from this.
Howard played some audio of Melody talking about Bigfoot shooting his load with the mail man. She said they came on the couch and on the guy's ass. Wolfie said he's pretty sure no one has cleaned that couch since then.
Howard played some audio of Bigfoot telling Wolfie that Melody got involved in that threesome but she was denying it to Wolfie. Howard said there will never be another guy like Bigfoot. He said no one speaks like that. Wolfie said he's a unicorn. Howard said no one ends their sentences with ''it is.' He said we're lucky to be alive during the time of Bigfoot.
Wolfie said he thought he had heard all of his stories but he calls him every day with a new one. He said it never ends.
Howard said one thing is very clear, a mail man got fucked that day. He said other than that they're not sure. He said that story was real apparently.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to Bigfoot about what this woman's name is and he didn't know it was Melody. He said he thought ie was Melanie. He said he's been calling her that for years. Howard said the guy fucks her and she doesn't spray him with mace so he doesn't care what her name is.
Howard said imagine it turns out he has been calling Beth by the wrong name for 20 years. He said that Bigfoot is like Superman. He said he's surrounded by aliens on a foreign planet.
Howard said Wolfie got both of them on the phone together to talk about what they love about each other. Melody said that he will do whatever she wants him to and he brings her stuff. Bigfoot said she likes to crack jokes with him and she likes being with him. He said he likes to take care of her and he doesn't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. He was still calling her Melanie in the clip.
Howard said Melody has a pet name for him and that's Biggie. He said that he calls her Sweetheart. Howard said it turns out he's Prince Charming with scabies.
Wolfie said Bigfoot is living in a group home and he's not sure when he's getting out so he doesn't know when this marriage will happen. He said he's having a bachelor party though. Howard said the ex-husbands of her's must be real pieces of shit. He said he should make a movie out of this.
Howard said he thinks this ended with an engagement. He played some audio of Bigfoot asking her to marry him and she said they just need to get him out of the nut hut. She said she'll marry him then. Bigfoot said that he makes him happy. She said the same about him. They blew kisses to each other over the phone.
Howard said Wolfie spoke to Melody's son and he said its hard to believe that Bigfoot will soon be his dad. Howard said they asked them to marry on this show. Wolfie said they want to ride in Howard's limo.
Robin said Bigfoot is fine right now because he's under supervision. Wolfie said he is but the second he gets out he's worried about him not taking medication and all of that.
Wolfie said that they got to see each other a couple of weeks ago and they were very happy to see each other. Howard said they want to get married on Halloween so the can wear costumes. Howard said they don't have to get married that day. He said they can wear costumes any day.
Howard said he knows the ladies out there are disappointed that they're losing Bigfoot. He said he thinks they're going to be America's couple. He said all of America will love them. Robin said they're a powerless couple.
Howard said that's all Beth can handle. He said if he goes too long then she gets fed up.
The caller asked if she's ever admitted to faking it with him. Howard said she never fakes it. He said when you're with a super star you don't fake it. He said he was on the phone with Bob Odenkirk the other day. He said that has to turn her on.
Howard said good things happen to people who marry him. He said Celebrity Big Brother was knocking on her door. He said he thinks that show is over. Robin said she read that Chris Kattan left the show early. Howard said he did and that's because he couldn't stand to be away from his family. Howard said he's sure for a guy who is as talented as that guy it has to be a tremendous bring down to be on a show like that. He said it has to be horribly depressing. He said no one gets into the business to be on that show. He said once you've been on a high and had your own films and been on Saturday Night Live then you don't think about Celebrity Big Brother. He said Beth wouldn't have done it but they did ask her to do it. He said she won't do any of those shows. He said they're for celebrities who are really down on their luck. He said Bigfoot's house is less depressing than that house.
Howard said Lamar Odom shit his bed on Celebrity Big Brother. He asked JD how that happened. JD said he thought it was a fart that turned into a shart. Robin asked if they share rooms.
Howard played some audio of Lamar talking about how he shit his bed. He was in the shower washing himself up when he talked about it to someone in the house.
Howard had some audio of Chris Kattan talking about Todd Bridges snoring and how that was keeping him up. Howard asked what's up with Chris and his little kid voice. JD said he thinks he hurt himself really bad on Saturday Night Live and he has had a lot of neck surgeries over the years. He said he wasn't moving normally in the house. He said he basically stayed asleep in the room in the house. Howard said the guy really did hurt himself. JD said it was for some random sketch that he hurt himself for. He said it's still bothering him. Howard said Chris left the house after 2 weeks. He said he missed his family.
Howard asked who won the show. JD said it was this MMA fighter Miesha Tate. Howard said she was tough. He said Julie Chen Moonves has a move on the show that she's been doing. He said ever since her husband got kicked out of CBS she's been doing this. He said she invites you on her podcast ''God 101'' to talk about religion. He said that a lot of women who have shitty husbands end up going that direction. He said Jesus is the perfect husband. Howard said he's sure that Les is happy about that. Howard said Jesus will always love you no matter what. He had a montage from Julie's show where she was talking about God.
Howard said Les Moonves used to be number 1 in her life but now God is. He said he bets Les has moved down that list. He said that there's the kid and then the nanny and then maybe Les. He said maybe it's the landscaper and the nanny and then Les is down at number 11 or something.
Howard played more of Julie going on about her love of God and asking the house guests about their faith.
Howard said she's almost accusing people as she's asking about their faith and if god comes first. JD said he read that she gives a gift bag to the contestants and she gives them study bibles in the bag. Howard said that's teaching people a lesson. Howard said Les must just keep his mouth shut about all of this. Robin said that's the medicine he has to take.
Howard said he's sure Les has to go to church with Julie. JD said happy wife happy life. He said you have to follow along. Howard said he's sure Les is busy with her god stuff. He said he thinks Les is Jewish. He said he's probably like fuck that. He said Julie is very Christian and walking around with this god stuff. He said she's going to hang Les from a cross. Robin said she never talked about this on The Talk. She said it was always about Les and not about god. Howard said poor Les. He said fuck him.
Howard said now Les can jerk off in peace when Julie is off at church. He said that Les is the one who fucked up and Julie is doing the penance. He said she's the one out there praying.
Howard said what a story that is. He said he should write a play. He said that he gets bang o'clock and Les gets pray-o'clock. He said he got his payback. He said Les was never very nice to him.
Howard said Les probably watches porn with women who are in on the casting couch so he's reminded of the old days. He said he thinks Julie had Kathie Lee on God 101. JD said yes. He said she started like 4 months ago and it looks like a big round table of random people. He said Kathie Lee and Big Brother contestants are the only big stars she's had on the show. Howard said he might have to watch this.
Howard said Julie should have a show called ''My Husband was an Asshole'' on YouTube. He said they don't say what the show really is about. He said they claim it's about Jesus but it's really about Les. He said Jesus came into her life after all of the Les stuff came out.
JD said there's one episode titled ''What can you give god for Christmas.'' Robin said how about virtual reality goggles. She said then he can be back on earth having fun.
JD went through some more titles of Julie's show. He said he has to go through them. Howard said how about a show called ''God doesn't fuck around at work.''
Howard said Carson Kressley was on the show. JD said he wore a funny shirt that said ''Born Again Christian Dior.'' Howard asked what happened when he was on with her. JD said he don't get into it fully. He said he thinks that he's got some faith but he might just be a big Julie Chen fan.
Howard said good for Julie. He said she's got a nice relationship with God. He said she doesn't have to worry about him fingering his secretary. Howard said he would go on her show since she's into gays and all of that. He said he likes her version of Jesus who is very tolerant.
Howard said he likes to ask people if god is so good why would he give him this face. He said he thinks it's fine that she's doing this show.
Howard played some audio of Pat talking about this Ukraine situation. He was saying he's not sure if Putin is crazy or not. Howard said the guy is crazy. He said people knew that Hitler was going crazy and they didn't do anything about it. He said he was on a mad tear and they didn't do something. He said the only ones who can get rid of Putin are the Oligarchs who are around him. He said no one else can do anything about it.
Howard said when you see war on TV it's really depressing. He said they destroy these beautiful cities that people were living and working in. He said Trump is now saying that this is fake news that he called Putin a genius. He said he doesn't know how you vote for a guy when he claims that's fake news when he was on TV saying it.
Howard said he's putting this on TV and sees these cities being destroyed. He said Putin has this stench around him and he's sending in young soldiers who don't even know what they're up to. He said they go in and blow shit up. He said they're killing kids in buildings and shit. He said he's not sure how this guy sleeps at night. He said it's so offensive and so bad. Robin said Russian leaders have been horrible.
Howard said this guy has no conscience. He said what he's doing to Ukraine is just so arrogant. Robin said all he's doing is acquiring a country so he can have more to control.
Howard said about 660,000 refugees have fled Ukraine since last week. Howard said the place is going to be a pile of rubble before he's done. Howard said you can only hope that someone blows Putin's brains out. He said we're in a world where this fucking asshole is claiming it's like Nazi Germany in Ukraine but the leader of that country is Jewish. He said it's insane.
Howard said this is insane and then Pat Robertson is out there giddy about it. He said he's been predicting the end of the world for years. He said he gets excited when there's a chance it could happen. He had a montage of Pat getting it wrong for the past 40 years. It was one prediction after another that never came true.
Howard said he's seeing the end of days for fast food based on this. He said he's not joking about it either. Howard said the problem is that all fast food places have people who go in thinking this isn't their career job. He said if he was an employee he'd have his eye on management. He said he'd work his ass off to get to own some of these places. He said the just can't get help at these places.
Howard asked Jon Hein about the quality of the food during the day. Jon said the caller, Rooster, is right about the food being better in the morning than it is at night. He had details on when the do the switch over to lunch and how you get a better meal in the morning than at night.
Howard asked Wolfie what he has to say. Wolfie said he knows Rooster and he has a very unique look and he only cares about what's happening down south. He said he doesn't care what's going on with the Ukraine thing or anything like that. Howard said he's right and he can help the local area by doing that. Wolfie said Rooster got kicked out of a McDonald's recently.
Howard said he and Robin would go to new markets and McDonald's would pull their ads. He said they once aired one accidentally on the show and they called and complained. He said they were going to sue them over running it during the show.
Howard asked Rooster what happed to his neck. Rooster went into a long story about how he had a hernia in his stomach and that led to having fat build up around his neck and that's why his neck looks different. Howard said he has to tell him something. He said if there was a god he'd put that fat in his penis and not his neck.
Howard said he knew a guy who was even uglier than he was. He said he made him look like Brad Pitt. He said this guy had a big cock and he was a coke dealer. He said that was irresistible to women.
Rooster said he has a picture of himself in high school and he thinks about his coach telling him to ''hit it!'' when he sees it. He said that keeps him motivated.
Howard said he has a picture of Rooster. Howard said that's a handsome guy. He said there's nothing wrong with him. He said he's a good looking man. Rooster said social media seems to like him. He said he has nearly 500,000 followers. Wolfie said he looks like a McNugget.
Howard took a call from Jon Hein audio book who wanted to talk about secret menu items. The guys played audio of Jon from his book where he talked about that stuff. Howard cut him off and asked the real Jon Hein what was so wild about this and why that list was so secret. Jon said at the time McDonald's didn't admit that the list was real. He said just recently they came out and said they are real things.
Rooster said he and Jon have something else in common. He said he's an author just like Jon is. Howard said he likes Rooster. He said fast food is important to people. He said that if you work in the business then take it seriously. He said if you don't make a good product then the job is going to go away. Robin gave some advice to the workers and said have eye contact and things like that. Jon agreed on that.
Howard took a call from fake Ronald McDonald who told them to just have some eggs for breakfast and shut the fuck up. Ronald just kept insulting them over the food thing. Howard said for a clown he's not very funny. He let him go a short time later.
Howard said he has a kid on the phone who works for Burger King. He said he wants to get in a plug for them. Howard took the call from a 15 year old kid and he said he had to work until 1 am because his manager didn't show up. He said one day he took the trash out and there was a pile of poop out by the garbage.
Howard had Rooster talk about that situation and he was saying that McDonald's is one thing but then you have Burger King being run by juveniles.
Howard said he read that Rooster got kicked out of McDonald's for telling a kid to pull up his pants. Rooster went into that story and told Howard about this kid who had his pants hanging down. He said he was standing there and he was like 6 foot tall with 4 foot pants. He said his junk was protruding through his underwear. He said he asked him to pull his pants up for him because his wife and daughter were there with him. He said the guy reached down and tugged them a bit. He said he didn't pull them up. He said the manager ran over and told him to stop being a menace. He said the guy was on his way out but the had just sat down to eat. He asked him to just stand away from them. He said that the manager asked him to leave if he keeps talking to this guy like that. He said he asked the manager about why that guy can't leave. He was going on and on with this story. Howard said how about going to a fancy place like Applebees and avoid this. Rooster said he does that too.
Howard said he'd never tell anyone to pull up their pants. He said that all of this bullshit is going on for some food at McDonald's.
Wolfie said he asked Rooster about what the biggest issue is in southern cities. He said it's the baggy pants thing. Howard let Rooster drone on and on about that for a minute.
Howard said he thinks he's talking about prison culture. Rooster said he worked in a prison and the pants hanging down was a way of prisoners showing they were looking for a man. He said he's not sure if they know that's what they're emulating or not.
Howard asked Rooster if he were president should McDonald's have a dress code. Rooster said he would. He said if he were CEO of the company he would have that policy. Howard asked Jon Hein if he would do that. Jon said the problem is that those pants would still qualify. He said he does believe in personal freedoms so the pants are fine. He said he can see how this guy's pants would upset some patrons.
Rooster said that he compares the pants to a seat belt. He said he can wear it incorrectly and put it under his arm. He said that's the same as wearing pants the wrong way. Robin said Rooster should be going to the manager and not ask a customer to do something. She said that you say you will not patronize a place where people's underwear is on display. Rooster said the only reason he did was because he had his back to him and he tried not to say something. He said he tried to take the high road. He said when he continued to stay there and was invading his space he had to say something. Robin said she would have been out of there. Howard said how about using the drive thru. He said he really has to move on. He said this was fascinating.
Howard said he has an agenda and he has to move on. He let Rooster go. Howard said he can call back another time.
Howard spent a little more time talking about Burger King and other fast food restaurants with Jon. Jon doesn't like Burger King burgers. Howard said he wasn't aware of that. He said he thought he was a fan.
Howard said he was a big Roy Rogers fan. He said he's not sure why they didn't get bigger. Jon said their fried chicken was fantastic. He said he thinks that was mismanagement that ruined them.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the food hacks that they have at McDonald's. He said you have to put them together yourself. Jon explained that to Howard and said that's not what you're there for. He said you want the stuff made for you. Howard said that's such a bullshit thing.
Howard took a call from fake Burger King who went off on Jon said he's going to bend him over and make him his bitch. Jon and Burger King went back and forth arguing for a minute. Burger King was screaming at Jon. Jon said obviously he's pissing off Ronald McDonald and Burger King today.
Howard took a call from a guy who said in other countries the food is consistent. He said that's the best way to get it. He said it's just here that they don't keep it consistent.
Howard took a call from a guy in Ukraine who asked Jon what he thinks about Roy Rogers French fries. He asked while bombs were going off behind him.
Howard took a call from Wendy from Wendy's who said she wants to fuck Jon after what he said about Wendy's. Howard wrapped up and took a break. He said he has a development to talk about. He said Jeff the Drunk has quit the show again. He said he has to do a commercial first and then talk about all of that and talk to Courteney Cox. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said this is a beautiful song. He said it's a very long intro. He said it's perfect for a long talk up. He said he could do the weather and go to the bathroom and sill come back and hit the post. He did a long talk up for it and the intro was still going. He was giving the dew point for the weather because he had to drag it out so long.
Howard said he has to lose 5 pounds. He said he's trying to get rid of his belly. He said he was blaming it on his age but Sting is around his age and he's ripped. He said he should be ripped too. Robin said he's comparing himself gain. She said he has his own physique. Robin said she's inspired by Halle Berry and she'll never get there.
Howard said he's cutting out nuts from his diet. He said he was eating them at night but he's cutting them out to lose the 5 pounds. He said he's sure Sting isn't eating nuts at night.
Howard said before Courteney Cox comes in he's going to read some fan feedback. He had some about the Sex Toy Tycoon bit they did yesterday. He read through some of that and the fans were enjoying that segment.
Howard said some fans were freaked out by the rental sex doll idea. He said some people thought that guy should have won though. Howard read through some of that feedback. Howard said someone said that going from an oil rig worker to owning a sex toy business was the American dream. Robin said she didn't know that was a dream.
Howard said in honor of Denver Dolls he brought back a prank call Richard made a few years ago. He said he found someone selling a rubber vagina and asshole and he called and asked about it. Howard played the call that Richard made to the guy asking if he had used it a lot. The guy said he only used it once and he cleaned it out. Richard asked if he can come over and take it for a test drive. The guy hung up on him.
Howard said people wrote in about Memet getting married on 02/02/2022. He said people were busting his balls about losing his wedding ring too. Howard read some of the comments about that situation.
Howard said Bobo reached out and said they should use a metal detector in the studio to find the ring but Gary pointed out that everything in the studio is metal.
Howard said he's not sure why Memet would marry on 02/02/2022. Robin said a lot of people did it. Robin said the wait for a special number to do it. She said they like this special date. Howard asked why. Memet got on and said Mary was excited about the date and he was fine with it. Robin said it's a talking point. Howard said maybe if his grandparents did it or something he'd want to do it. Robin said the date doesn't happen for a long time.
Ronnie said he's with Memet now and he has a ring on his left finger. He said he's trying to figure out what it is. He asked if he has a ring upside down or what. Memet said it's not worth keeping Courteney Cox waiting. He said he just got a ring at CVS. It's just a placeholder ring. Howard said that was not worth keeping Courteney waiting.
Howard said Courteney Cox is on a show called Shining Vale on Starz. He said they all it a comedy series. He said it's not really. Robin explained the show and Howard read more about who's in it and what the show is about. The show premieres on March 6th on Starz. They went to break before getting to Courteney.
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Howard came back and had Courteney Cox on with him. He said it's always exciting when she's around. He said he thinks it starts with Friends and everyone gets all charged up. He said she's beloved. Courteney said she's so excited. Howard said congrats on the new show. He said he's enjoying it. Robins said she's up to episode 7 and she's loving it more than Howard. Howard said she is.
Howard asked Courteney about talking about being upset that she didn't win an Emmy for Friends and how much news that made. He said he was shocked. Courteney said she wants upset but she felt like she was the only one who didn't. Howard said they made a lot of news. He said here must have been 3000 articles about it. Howard said what was so great was her honesty. He said everyone picked up on that. Courteney said she was nominated for a Golden Globe for Cougar Town but never again. Howard said he thinks she'll get something for this new show. He said that she's very good and Greg Kinear is good. He said she's the one though. He said he thinks this will do it for her. Courteney said she loves the show and loves playing that part.
Howard said Courteney said that she bought a home in Laurel Canyon and she bought it from Carole King. He said she has said in interviews that she lived in a house that was haunted. Howard asked if she's doing that to promote this new show. He said Dave Grohl did that with him. He said that he was just joking around about it to promote his movie. Howard asked if she thinks this is true. Courteney said she didn't believe in ghosts but so many people have seen things. She said that she doesn't see that kind of thing. She said that other people have told her they've felt things. She said this was before she was on Friends. She said she was on Family Ties at the time. Courteney said this UPS Driver told her that there was someone standing behind her in the house.
Courteney said she did have a scare in London recently too. She said now she believes. Howard asked what happened here. Courteney said they were in bed in this house she has over there. She said she was sitting there and trying to sleep. She said she saw some scary faces and old faces as she was trying to sleep. She said she saw all kinds of weird things. She said that she woke Johnny up and he told her that she was asleep. She said that he told her there are no ghosts. She said she asked them not to come back after that and the didn't.
Howard asked if she believes there's an afterlife. He said no one sees ghosts. Courteney said she doesn't want to come back so she hopes it's not a thing. Howard said she's lucky that Johnny didn't leave her after that.
Howard asked if she called Carole King to come over to get rid of the ghosts in her house. Courteney said they did have a seance with Carole. She said that it was so long ago that it might sound like she's making it up but it did happen. She said Carole told her that there was a lot of anger in the house. She said it may have been the father or husband in the house. Howard asked if she felt a sense of guilt when she sold the house. Courteney said that no one had died in there. She said she moved into a new house and she found out that there was a murder in the garage at that house. She said she should have had a disclosure about that. She said she's really chicken shit and she's scared of everything now.
Howard asked if she had a piano placed when she had Carole come over. Courteney said she didn't but she should have. She said Carole never came back after that.
Howard said he met her at Jimmy Kimmel's house and she was playing drums. He said she plays piano too. He said she's an accomplished pianist. She said she can play but she's not accomplished. She said she learned more during lock down. Courteney told Howard how she learned around 10. She said that they had these things called Green Stamps and her grandmother licked a book full of them to get her a piano. She said she's been taking lessons the past few years and she just plays chords. She said she has problems with some of the notes.
Howard said when he sees her Instagram she has Elton John at her house and she's playing piano. He said that she loves musicians and music so when she's doing all of that how does she orchestrate that. He said that he had Billy Joel over to his house and he didn't want to play piano. He said he did get him to the piano but he was only playing oldies and not his own stuff. Howard asked how she gets these guys to play. Courteney said she has parties on Sunday nights and Ed Sheeran came over and thanks to Christa Miller. She said she met Brandi Carlile through Instagram. She said she directed her video too. She said that Ed Sheeran invited Elton over to dinner. She said it was his idea to get Elton to play Tiny Dancer. She said she learned just that one part of the song to play with him. She said that she didn't know the whole song. Howard said she was playing it very well in front of Elton. He said he wondered how she did it. He said she prepared like an actress. He said it's unbelievable that she did that. Courteney said it was a fun dinner.
Howard said that must be the best part of being famous. Courteney said she does have some good things happen because of that. She said she can get into restaurants and stuff. Howard said that should happen the rest of her life because she's so famous.
Howard said he puts no effort into his social media stuff. He said it has to be tough to open up your doors to that. Courteney said she does it for herself but it is hard. She said she likes to make little videos and she puts them out. She said she doesn't like it when she doesn't get a lot of likes. She said sometimes you sit there liking stuff and then you try to unlike stuff. She said it's such a waste of time.
Howard said he saw that on America's Got Talent. He said Heidi Klum had it down to an art form. He said she had a social media team. He said he asked her not to be part of it. He said you can get a whole team to do it. Courteney said she doesn't do that. She said she might have someone help her with a special effect or something. She said she doesn't just show the sunset or something. She said she goes all out.
Howard asked Courteney about this Ed Sheeran thing. He said he told Courteney about his writing partner and introduced them. Courteney said that Ed asked to have some friends over to her house. She said he invited Johnny and some other guys from Snow Patrol and Taylor Swift and others. She said they all came over. She said then she had her own crew of fun people over at her place. She said it was just one of those fun weekends. She said it was really fun. She said that everyone had asked for numbers but no one asked her. She said no one wanted to stay in touch with her. She said she doesn't have long conversations. She said she had seen Johnny and thought he had a great look. She said she was thinking about how handsome he was. She said she had a movie screening and Isla Fisher told her she should try to flirt with Johnny. She said she asked Sacha Baron Cohen if she should do it. She said he went up and said that Courteney wanted to fuck one of the guys from Snow Patrol. She said it wasn't like she said she wanted to fuck Johnny. Howard said Sacha is a funny guy. Courteney said Harry Styles was in the conversation too. She said that Johnny called her the next day and they went on a date the week after.
Howard said he has met Johnny many times and he's a nice guy. Howard said that they call him her partner but that feels strange to him. Courteney said it is a weird term for him. She said that Sacha is the one who gets people to sing at the parties. Howard said he needs him at his party to get people to do that. Courteney said people just know they're going to play if they come over now.
Howard asked if she has a special room for he music to happen in. Courteney said she has the living room. She said she has a great sound system. She said she has a lot of guitars and a bass and other stuff. She said it's a dark room. She said Howard has to come over. Howard said he's missing out on everything. He said what a night. She said she has a perfect place for him to stay. Howard said he thinks he should do this. He said he was saying yesterday that he doesn't want to stay over at people's houses but he might have to do this.
Courteney said she could bring in the big ones if Howard stayed over. Howard asked who they would get. Courteney said Brandi Carlile hates staying over too but she likes it at her house. She said she'll make it even nicer for him. Courteney asked who he wants over there. Howard said he doesn't know. He said whoever she invites would be great. He said Sacha Baron Cohen sounds great and so does Taylor Swift and Harry Styles. Howard asked if Sacha was over and did a rap in Arabic at her house. Courteney said she thinks that would be true. She said she doesn't know but he likes to get at the piano and he'll sing a song that starts out with one song and moves to another. She said it's fun to watch.
Howard said Courteney said she's too emotional to sing. Courteney said she likes to play piano. She said she will get emotional about things and break down crying. She said she likes to sing in the car and things like that. She said she took lessons for singing and she'll start singing and then she starts breaking down. She said songs bring a lot of emotion out in her and she can't finish a song. Howard said he gets emotional from music too.
Howard said Courteney called Brandi Carlile and she was looking for someone to direct a music video. He said Courteney ended up doing it. He asked what song it was. She said it was ''Right on Time.'' Howard said he heard that she acted out the whole video for her. Courteney said she did. She told Howard how that all came about. She said she had a thought for how to do the video and she isn't good at talking it out so she got on Facetime and told her what she wanted to do. She said she acted it all out. She said Brandi liked what she saw and she went with it.
Howard said Brandi has had a tough time and she must have felt a lot of pressure to do good. Courteney said she didn't think about it that way. She said that she had a vision and Brandi is open to anything. She said she had to have her take swimming lessons to do the video because she didn't know how to swim.
Howard asked if she got paid for that video. Courteney said she did not. She said she just had this idea and she likes Brandi so she did it. She said it wasn't weird because they're friends.
Howard asked Courteney if she told Brandi what to wear in the video. Courteney said they had a stylist for that. She said she didn't do that. Howard asked if Courteney has a stylist for what she wears. Courteney said they do pick everything out. Howard asked if she thinks about doing it herself so she can put her own stamp on things. Courteney said absolutely not. She said she looks like a slob during the day most of the time.
Howard said he has a guy who picks out his clothes and he has Ralph pick them out. He said his psychiatrist asked him why he can't do it himself. He said he saw it as a form of childishness. Courteney said you have to spend less time thinking about things at times. She said that she likes what Howard wears so Ralph is doing a good job.
Howard said this new show Shining Vale is really good. He said in the show she's a depressed woman. He said she cheats on her husband and she feels like depression is being possessed. He asked if she has ever been depressed. Courteney said she hasn't really been depressed but she has had times that were tough. She said she's more anxious than depressed. Courteney said she and Johnny broke up and she had some trouble sleeping. She said she took some sleeping pills but she stopped once she felt better.
Howard said she and Johnny broke up for a while. He asked if he knew her at that point. Courteney said that they did. She said they went on vacation together. She said they had a lot of things to work through at the time. She said they have gotten through a lot of that.
Courteney said when she was growing up her family would just move on to the next story if what you were saying was boring. She said she had to know if someone found her attractive or not. She said she had to feel special in that way. She said not even in a sexual way. She said that it was tough for Johnny. Howard asked if she means as a child she didn't get what she needed so she was love starved. Courteney said yes. She said her mother was a great person and that's all she had. She said everything was about her looks and her currency was love. She said that's the way she lived her life until the day she died. Howard said her mother didn't understand what she needed. Howard said if he went on with a story as a kid his father would tell him he was boring. He said he understands that.
Howard said Courteney's mom must have been confused that her looks weren't good enough for her husband because they divorced. Howard said Courteney grew up in Alabama and she has no accent. Howard asked how southern she sounded. Courteney said she was pretty southern. She said her sister still has that accent. She said they still say weird things. She said that ''Y'all'' is something she still says.
Howard asked Courteney about being one of the great beauties of all time and he knows that because she was getting paid for her looks. He asked if her mom was happy about that. Courteney said she would tell her mom everything and she wanted her to know everything she did. She said she was able to relax around her.
Howard asked if the siblings were as attractive as her. Courteney said he's very sweet about that. She said her sister is tall and funny and she doesn't care about looks. He said she's beautiful but she only cares about tennis. She said no one was that worried about their looks but they were worried about tother people.
Howard said Courteney has 9 step siblings because her mother and father remarried and had more kids. He said there can't be much love for you when you have that many kids grabbing for the tit. Courteney said that most of them had grown up and gone away by the time she came around. She said she was the youngest of 4. She said no one was paying attention to her so she was able to get away with a lot.
Howard asked about her parents and got into a lot of detail about their marriages and what happened with them. Courteney asked if they're going to edit this show because she feels like she's going on and on. Howard said he's really interested in all of this.
Howard asked when she realized her power over men. He said Beth said it was at the age of 9 that men were noticing her. Howard asked Courteney if she ever felt that power. Courteney said that Beth is beautiful and she didn't have that. She said she was more of a Tom boy growing up. She said she's not confident enough to feel okay. She said she is getting better. Howard said he remembers seeing her in the Bruce Springsteen video and he thought how beautiful she was. He said then she was on Friends and she was even more beautiful. He asked if men got aggressive with her. she said she never really had that.
Howard asked if that Bruce song sill means something to her. She said she loves that song. She said she does get embarrassed by the video though. She said her dance was pathetic. She said she was so nervous in that video. She said that she got the job and she thinks she got it because her dance was so embarrassing. She said she thinks that's what they wanted for the video.
Howard asked if there's any attachment to Bruce now. Courteney said she has seen him a few times. She said she went to his Broadway show and talked to him there. She said she wants to get him to her house. Howard said that would be great. He said he heard he has people over and he'll do a whole concert for the guests. Courteney said that's the goal for when Howard comes over to her house.
Howard asked Courteney about working with Jim Carrey and how she was very attracted to him. Courteney said he's a great guy and they had a lot of fun working together. She said that they were rehearsing and he didn't put on the whole character he ended up doing. She said she wasn't sure it was going to work until he put that character on. She said they just laughed the whole time. Howard said he held back during the rehearsals. He said everyone must have thought it was going to tank. Courteney said she's hoping he was holding it back.
Howard asked if she was already on Friends when she did that movie. She said no. Howard said he thought that it came out during Friends. Courteney said she's so bad with time so she's not sure.
Howard said that movie made a fortune. She said that she thought she was going to have a career but then she wasn't in Ace Ventura 2. She said she's not sure why they didn't put her in that one. Howard said both Ace Ventura and Friends came out in 1994. He said her head must have been spinning. He said she was in a number 1 movie and a number 1 TV show. Courteney said she went from The Love Boat to that. Howard asked who her love interest was on the Love Boat. She said it was Peter Scolari. She said she was so young and they had to kiss and Peter said he wasn't going to do open mouth kissing. She said she wasn't planning on it anyway. She said she kept her mouth real closed. She said that she had never had someone say that to her before or again after.
Howard asked if she ever had that #MeToo stuff go down. Courteney said she doesn't believe she has. She said if she did she didn't notice. She said she doesn't remember anything. She said no casting couch for her.
Howard asked if Courteney's siblings hit her up for anything. She said there's no communication at all. She said there have been some issues but not with her. She said she moved away pretty young. Howard asked if it was validation for her mom when she got really famous. Courteney said when she lived in New York she went on a modeling thing and they looked at her mom and ended up putting her on tape. Howard asked if she felt like she was going to take over. Courteney said not at all. She said she felt it was sweet.
Courteney asked what the tattoo is on his finger. Howard said it's an Ohm symbol. He said he thought it looked cool on the tattoo artists finger. He said he wanted one so he asked the guy to do that for him.
Courteney said she got her first tattoo and she got an ugly one. She said she got a few more and then she wanted them gone so she had them removed. Howard said he liked having the needle going into his skin. He said if he could he'd have his whole body done. He said he felt like it was a tremendous bonding experience.
Howard said the new show is good. He said how about Greg Kinear. He said he disappeared for a while and now he's back and he's really good in this show. He said he likes him in it. Courteney said he's extremely enthusiastic. She said she plays a bored women and she's not a positive person. She said he plays a positive person and that's fun to play against.
Howard said Courteney shows herself on Instagram a lot without makeup on. He said it's a brave thing to do. He asked why she's doing that. He asked if she's trying to tell women that this is what real people look like. Courteney said it's a little bit of that. She said it's reality. She said this is the fake part that you end up with. Howard said he loves her honesty. He said he reads things about her and she says she got fillers and things like that but she gave up on it. He said he loves that. He said that's the hardest thing in the world.
Howard said when he saw a close up of his face in his movie he had to go get the bump taken out of his nose. He said he had plastic surgery and what is that going to do for him. He said he likes that she talks about that stuff and getting older in Hollywood. Courteney said you can't chase it. She said it doesn't work and you just have to relax into it.
Courteney said she just directed a commercial and she had some older women in it. She said she talked to them about getting older and they said they know what they want when they get older. She said that she's feeling more comfortable in her skin. She said not all of it though.
Howard said Courteney looks good in her Vogue shoot. He said she's not screwing around. Courteney said she's not a big eater. She said she does intermittent fasting. She said she loves to eat too though. She said not eating is one thing. She said people should eat so she's not saying don't. She said she works out a lot too. Howard said his wife does that too. He said she doesn't eat all the time. He said he has an appetite all day so he has to eat. Courteney said she doesn't eat much. She said she'll have something small and it's enough.
Howard asked Courteney about getting into putting out some of her own products. Courteney said she loves this and she's glad he brought it up. She said she's obsessed with candles and scents. She said during lock down she wanted the house to smell like Clorox because it smelled like it was clean. She said that she has some scents that you can use to clean the house and they smell good. She said she has 4 scents coming out that are scents she helped come up with. She said the line will be candles. Howard said he used to burn incense but he read that it's like smoking 4 packs of cigarettes a day if you burn it. He said he likes the idea of candles. He said he likes this idea. Courteney said even if you clean the counter it still smells good with this scent. Howard said he's so fucking paranoid from this COVID that he won't leave his house. He said he's completely freaked out. He said he doesn't understand it and doesn't know how it isn't going away. He said he's very paranoid. He said he'd spray his phone and use the cleaner for that. Courteney said the products are called HomeCourt. She said it's available at HomeCourt.org she thinks. She said she has to look it up. She said they sold out the first day but they're back in stock now. She said she did a post about it. She said her assistant just told her it's actually HomeCourt.co
Courteney said that she's really proud of this stuff. She said she thinks she sent some to Howard. Howard said he will check it out if he got it. He said he will send her a new line of sex toys he has coming out. Howard said you have to be careful with the HomeCourt.co web site. He said the .com sells volleyball equipment.
Howard gave Courteney some plugs for Shining Vale. Robin asked if they will do more seasons or is this is. Courteney said she hopes they get picked up to do more. She said she'd love to do it. Robin said she was so excited to tune in and she got hooked when she started watching. She said it's just brilliantly done.
Howard asked Courteney about working with Wes Craven on the Scream movies and how much she misses him after he passed. Courteney said he was such a great and fun man. She said no one knew that side of him. She said he was a master of what he did. She said they made another Scream and she didn't know why they were doing it. She said Wes was a huge influence on their lives so she read the script and it was good. She said it was a relaunch and it did really well. Howard said it even came out during COVID and still did very well. Courteney said they're going to do another one this summer. Howard asked if she worried that it was going to come out during COVID. Courteney said when you're a horror fan you don't care. She said you do need to see it with an audience. She said she saw Shining Vale in a theater and it was great. She said the laughs are bigger and the screams are scarier.
Howard said the last Scream movie did $137 million. He said that's pretty good during COVID.
Howard asked Courteney what's next for her. He asked if she's going to marry Johnny or what. Courteney said she has plans to direct and she's got this new show out. She said that she wants to keep directing. Howard said he didn't know she was directing so much. Courteney said she just started doing that. She said she did one for a wine and it should be out in a few weeks.
Howard asked Courteney about how she prepares for this shoot. Courteney said she got to pick the vignettes that the marketing company came up with. She said that she found a bunch of people she wanted in the commercial and did it. Howard said there's a stigma with doing commercials and he's not sure why. He said it seems like movies have benefited from commercials. Courteney said that's true. She said she doesn't think there's a stigma there. She said that David Fincher has done a lot of commercials.
Howard asked if Courteney has enough money that she doesn't have to worry about it. Courteney said she thinks she's enjoying her life and buying things she wants but she still wants to do things. Howard said he admires that. He said she's thing out this new business and she's into it. He said she could just stay home and lay in bed. Courteney said she has a lot of drive and she's not done yet.
Robin asked if she thinks she would ever move to London. Courteney said she would love to be bi-coastal. She said she has a nice place in L.A. but she loves the city too. She said she would like to live in both places. Robin said they don't want to lose her to London. Howard asked if Johnny is going to propose. Courteney said they never talk about it actually. Howard said it must be irrelevant. Courteney said she loves Johnny and what he does. She said she loves his family too. Howard said the guy is very nice and very talented. He said that he's an interesting guy. Howard asked if he got down on one knee tomorrow and asked her to marry her what would she do? Courteney said that's a great question. She said she thinks she would say yes. She said their relationship is better the second time around so they've already been there.
Howard said he's very happy to see her today. Howard asked if she has anything she wants to say before they leave. Courteney said that she wants to know if she interrupts a lot as a guest. Howard said she is a good guest because she has a lot to say and he should suit up and let her talk. Howard said the worst guest is one who has nothing to say. Courteney said she's such a fan and she didn't know how it goes. She just wanted to know before next time. She said she's going to enjoy the city today and stay up after she leaves. Howard asked what she's going to do the rest of the day. Courteney said she's not sure but she may go shopping or walk through Central Park or something. He said she's very famous so he can't imagine her walking in the park without people bothering her. Courteney said she thinks masks would help with that. She said no one is paying attention there. Howard said that's what John Lennon said. Courteney said that kind of shit scares her. She said when Rebecca Schaffer got shot it changed her life. She said that if someone tries to shake her hand and their hand is in their pocket it scares her.
Howard said he has to assume with her fame that she has stalkers. Courteney said she had one recently who was really smart. She said the guy came to the door and her assistant didn't know any better. She said he kept coming back after that. She said he was a handsome looking guy and he didn't look crazy. Howard said Sandra Bullock had some guy chasing her in her house. He said it is scary. Howard said how about doing private security. Courteney said she might do that when she starts going back to school.
Howard said Bob Odenkirk talked to him about a guy breaking into his house. He said that's scary stuff.
Courteney said she can come over to Howard's house because she had Omicron. She said they say you can't get it again. Howard asked how bad it was. She said it was like a bad cold. She said one night she got flushed and that was it. She said the next day it was nothing. Howard said she's lucky. He said more people died from Omicron than the first version. He said 1 in 7 people died from it. He said his mom and dad got it. He said his mom got it and she's having pain and she has this brain fog going on. He said it's horrible. He said she's an old woman at 94. He said she was fine from the vaccine. Courteney said she's sorry to hear that.
Howard said it was good to see Courteney. He said he's been on vacation with her. Courteney said it was twice. Howard said that's right. He said once was in Mexico. Howard said he had some advice for her with Johnny when she was Facetiming with him so much. Courteney said he did tell her not to move in with him right away. Howard said she knew he was right. Robin said Howard did that with Beth. Howard said he did. He said he locked her in his apartment after 2 weeks. He said he's not letting someone like that go. Courteney said Howard is everything to Beth. She said she's obsessed with Beth and the kittens. She said she thinks Beth is an angel. Howard said he thinks Courteney is an angel. He asked if she's seeing Jennifer Aniston at all. He asked why she wasn't at the premiere. Courteney said she's doing a movie in another country right now. She said if she had asked for a day off and flown in it would have been great. Howard said it's amazing that their friendship has gone on this long. Courteney said they're friends forever.
Howard gave Courteney more plugs for her show and wrapped up. He let her go a short time later.
Howard said she's probably sick of talking to him. Robin said she doesn't think so. She said it was like hanging out at dinner.
Howard said next week on Howard 101 they have a Stern Show Storytellers special coming up. He said coming soon is Jon Stewart. Howard asked Gary what they're doing with the Stern Show Storytellers special. Gary wasn't there so Howard was about to end the show. Gary got on and explained what the special is. Gary didn't know what he was referring to. Howard went to Jon Hein and he mentioned what was going on. Gary figured it out and explained the idea behind that. Gary was busy with Courteney in the studio so Howard had him get back to her and ended the show around 10:35am.