Howard started the show talking about how he's there to entertain people in their cars going to work. He said he's so worn out that he shouldn't be there. He said he had an exhausting weekend emotionally and physically. He said he almost called Robin to discuss it but he waited until now to talk about it.
Howard said for the first time in 2 years he ventured out of the house. He said he went to dinner. Robin laughed. Howard said it was too much for him. He said he hasn't been out in 2 years and his wife was very excited to go out with Jimmy and Molly Kimmel. He said they invited them out to Brooklyn for dinner. He said there were a couple of couples there. He said maybe 14 people were there. He said it was like 7 couples. He said he didn't want to go and he told his wife that. He said he was in a panic and didn't want COVID. He said everyone is walking around without masks on and he doesn't want COVID. He said his wife said they got the new vaccine so they should be fine. He said Beth wanted to go out so he went out. Howard said he decided to go out. He said he sacrificed himself for his wife.
Howard said JD has COVID by the way. He said he probably went out to dinner. He said he doesn't even see anyone. He said he told him this morning he's feeling okay. JD said he has a sore throat and a cough. He said he hopes it doesn't get any worse. He said he started feeling weird late Saturday. He said he hadn't been sleeping through the week so he took a test and he has COVID. Howard asked if he has any idea how he got it. He said he knows he's been going to work. JD said he was feeling fine when he was at the office. He said he was at a Lowes on Friday getting some stuff. He said he was getting some stuff for his house. He said he had to cover a pipe. Howard said look at him covering something like that.
Robin asked what JD did. JD said he broke a pipe and he had to get something to fix it. He said it was a cover for the septic pipe. He said he knew what to get. Howard said look at him.
JD said he was at work on Thursday. He said before that day he hadn't gone anywhere for a few days. He said he had a guy come over to fix his fridge and he wasn't near him. Howard asked how his lawn is. JD said it's alright. Howard said he has a team of dudes who come to do his lawn. He said everyone has a better lawn than him but his isn't the nicest around. He said it looks like shit. He said the sprinkler guy told him it was his fault. He said he told that guy he had to have a nice lawn. He said he has neighbors who have nicer lawns than him. He said he has all kinds of shit going down.
Howard said he has a dead tree that he had pulled. He said his brother in law was there and he was talking about his lawn with him. He said he talked to the lawn guys and they told him they can give him a different type of grass and it'll look great. He said he was in on that. Robin asked why they had the wrong grass there. Howard said he wondered the same thing.
Howard said he walked out one day and he was like ''What the fuck?'' He said they told him that it would be two weeks. He said now it looks like no one lived there. He said it looks like a junk yard. He said it's covered in shit grass. He said he has to wait 2 weeks and it should be fine. He said his wife hates that he talks about his lawn. Fred played a lawn mower drop while Howard talked about that.
Howard said he was looking at this part of other yards and they look great. He said he spends a lot of money on his and he can't get that. He said he once sent Robin a willow tree and she has that going just great. He said he puts one in and it's dead. He said he wonders what the hell is going on.
Howard said he spends a ton of money on his TV and he can't get it to work. He said he isn't sure why he can't get it to work.
Howard said he knows what JD is up to out there mowing his lawn. He said he wants to see what it looks like. JD said it's not perfect. Howard said forget it. He said his neighbor has a team of dudes in there every day working on his lawn. He said every blade is green. He said he has a team of guys in there and they're experts. He said he asked his wife where they came from. He said he has no idea what country they're from. Robin said she has people there at her house and she gets alerts from her gate every day. She said there's someone there every day.
Howard said his neighbor had his driveway being raked. Robin said she had a friend come over and she asked if this was the right address to the guys who were working there. She said they said they didn't speak English. Howard said his neighbor must have 7 guys out there every day. He said they're there Monday through Friday.
Howard asked JD about his COVID. JD said he was at work for a long time and maybe he got it there. He said he doesn't know. He said it could have been the parking garage for all he knows. Howard said it's the long term COVID he's worried about. He said they say that people with mental issues can get it. He said he knows he's mental and JD is too. He said god forbid Fred gets it. Howard said they haven't been out of the house for a couple of years. He said he has been pretty tight with the lock down.
Howard said Jimmy did his show from Brooklyn and they asked them out to dinner. He said he knows some of these people. He said his wife wanted to go because she loves Molly. Howard said his wife insisted that they go out. He said he didn't want to because he's so happy being home with his wife. He said he has everything he needs there. He said he has a good scene going on there. He said he doesn't miss people. He said he talks to Robin and his friend Dr. Lou when he's lonely. He said he's never lonely though. He said it's just who he is. He said he's not so lonely.
Howard said he likes to see Jimmy and Molly though. He said he really likes them. He said they went out on Friday and it was supposed to be a 7:30 dinner. He said he goes to bed at 7:30. He said that stressed him out. He said he and Beth went into the city. He said he didn't want to get COVID. He said Beth was getting really annoyed with him. He said he felt like the biggest douche for being afraid of COVID. He said his wife explained to him that they had a plan. He said everyone is getting tested that day. He said people were going to get tested and they're going to eat outdoors on the rooftop. He said he was okay with that. He said he can deal with that. He said when he got there he was going to wear his mask and he would go upstairs and take it off for outside.
Howard said Beth was fine with the plan. He said he was checking the weather and it was getting cool but not unbearable. He said he was going to jump off it things got bad. He said if he sees someone without a mask he'll just jump off. He said Jimmy sent him a picture of the table and he wanted to sit at the end.
Howard said he was a wreck all day. He said he was so nervous and he was driving Beth crazy. He said she was saying they don't have to go. He said he just told her he was nervous. He said she told him to call Dr. Agus then. Howard said he heard from Dr. Agus and he told him that he was nervous. He said Dr. Agus had him call. He said Dr. Agus told him that he's glad he's being careful. He said he has to set guidelines. He said he gave him some advice about that. He said he told him if he wants to eat outside then eat outside. He said Dr. Agus said maybe they should have just a few couples. He said there were 7. He said he can't tell them to cut back. He said it's Jimmy's dinner. He said that was pushing it but what else. He said Dr. Agus told him to wear a mask and all of that. He said he would be alright because he's boosted and all of that.
Howard said he was still nervous after that. He said he called his psychiatrist. He said he was told he was being distant and he told him that he's telling him stuff he has no idea what he was all about. He said he didn't feel he was getting to anything real. He said he thought that his psychiatrist had a brain fog or something himself.
Howard said Beth wanted to go out and she got dressed up. He said she looked beautiful. He said he didn't even know what to wear because he hadn't been out in so long. He said she told him to wear a sweater so he would be warm. He said he was all layered up like he was Frosty the Snow Man. He said he was huge with the sweaters and cover up. He said he looked ridiculous. He said Beth was wearing a sweater off the shoulder. He said he asked where her cover up was. She said she didn't need that.
Howard said they finally drive into the city and he felt like he already had COVID. He said he was already starting to cough. He said he was depressed and he thought he should get a lot of sleep. He said he napped before dinner. He said he was in a frenzy. He said he laid down in bed and it was like 3 in the afternoon. He said his whole schedule was off. He said he eats at 5 or 5:30 at the latest. He said Beth didn't want to be the first ones there. He said she wanted to be there late. He said he wanted to get there on time. He said they showed up a little late. He said they saw some of the people there not wearing masks. He said one of them shook his hand and one hugged him. He said he asked where their masks were. He said he was the only one. He said they said they were all tested today. He said he felt like a douche. He said he was in an elevator with 10 people and he had his mask on. He said the restaurant was beautiful. He said he gets upstairs and there are a lot of people and they lead them to the table and it's indoors. He said it's not outside. He said the window was open. He said that's it. He said this is indoors.
Howard said Dr. Agus' words were ringing in his ears. He said that Beth went around hugging and kissing and she told him not to worry. He said the restaurant was full of people. He said no one was wearing masks. He said every rule was broken.
Howard said Jimmy sat next to him and he wasn't in the middle of everything. He said he felt a little safe. He said everyone was talking to him and he just gave up. He said he just had to pray he didn't get COVID. He said now he's praying to god. He said he was sitting there a nervous fucking wreck. He said he had a great time. He said he was yelling the whole time because the place was so crowded. Robin said when you do that you're spreading droplets. Howard said he knows.
Howard said they got out of that place at like 10. He said that was like 17 hours. He said everyone was telling him they were proud of him for going out. He said he exposed himself to COVID so don't say you're proud of him. He said seeing everyone was wonderful. He said it was a great restaurant. He said the place was an Israeli place or something and the food was really good.
Howard said they had a great meal and dessert. He said he wanted to go home after that. He said Beth has to listen to him complaining. He said he was feeling sick and he just got out of dinner. Robin said it can't even happen that fast. Howard said he got home and went to bed so fast. He said Beth had to think that she married a maniac.
Howard said he woke up and went to visit his mother. He said he wears a mask the whole time there.
Beth came in and said she's so mad at him. She said she's listening to him and they had a fabulous time. Howard said he did. He said you know they broke very rule. Beth said she's mad at him. She said look at this beautiful day. She said when Howard is complaining and bitching on their walk and they stop and take a pause. Howard said Beth can get negative too. He said when they want to tell each other to stop that then they say ''Look at this beautiful day.''
Howard said he loves going out with Beth. He said she looks so good. He said she turns him on. Howard said he has to bang her today.
Beth said she's so mad at Howard for making it sound like the night out was a bad experience for him. Howard said it was. Beth said that she watched him the whole night and he was laughing and having a fabulous time. She said he didn't have that look of ''Lets get out of here!'' Howard said he was having a good time but he was nervous inside.
Howard said they weren't outdoors and he had a lot of clothes on. Beth said there was plenty of ventilation. She said they had it all organized. She told him to stop it. Howard said he did it for her. Beth said he had a fabulous time. Howard said he loves being with people and he doesn't want long term COVID. Beth said that they came home yesterday and he thought that he had COVID. He said he was convinced he had COVID because his legs hurt and he had a tickle in his throat.
Beth said there were only 10 people there. She said that two people canceled. Beth wondered why they canceled.
Howard said they went to visit his mom and her neighbor has a sign up saying they have COVID. Howard said he thought he had COVID on the way home from the restaurant. He said they went home and went to sleep early. He said they were watching Bachelor in Paradise. Howard said he woke up the next morning and he had a sore throat. Beth said it was 10 hours after dinner. Howard said she tested him and he was fine. He said she has to test him today too. He said Beth tested him and gave him some swab up his nose. He said he did that and he got two tests and he's negative.
Howard said he doesn't think he's out of the woods yet. Robin said they're going to be lost on tests because of their testing. Beth said they bought their own PCR test machine. Howard said everyone at dinner was lovely. He said he likes being around them. Beth said she loves being around Molly so much. Howard said he's her comfort. He said remember that.
Howard said Jimmy has had COVID twice. He said he hopes he doesn't mind him saying that. He said he just doesn't want to deal with COVID. Howard said he wont go out again. He said imagine if he did get COVID. He asked if it was worth it. Beth said everyone is going to get it. She said they have the new vaccine. Howard said they say people with mental issues get long term COVID. Beth said everyone is going to get it. Howard said he just wants to be with her. He said she's enough for him. Beth said she loves him too but they have to go out. She said she's going out to do a Rachel Ray show segment this week. Howard said he knows and it was nice knowing Robin.
Howard said Dr. Agus said they have to set boundaries. Howard said everyone they went out with were tested. He said that he had his mask on in the elevator. He said Beth didn't have her's on. Howard said they said they weren't going to eat indoors. He said they broke the rules. Beth said she didn't have the same rules as he did. Howard said she heard what Dr. Agus said. Beth said she had to find her comfort level. She said she's really mad at him. Beth said he's so cute though. Howard said they're going to have make up sex.
Beth said that a friend texted her and said she was sorry to hear her first night out was so miserable. Howard asked who that is. Beth said she's not going to say. Howard said he's okay and he doesn't think he has COVID. He said Beth will test him again today and he hopes he'll be alright. He said he wishes they were on the same page. He said that they were not outdoors. Beth said she had a great time. Howard said he did too.
Beth said that someone was there taking pictures. She said they're out there today. Howard said he was all bundled up and sweating the whole night. Howard said he didn't take off layers because some of them were meant for outside. He said he would have looked like a lumberjack. Beth said he had a vest on with a jacket on top. Howard said he gets cold. Howard said no wonder he thought he had a fever.
Beth said she has a bloody nose. Howard said Beth has something going on with her. Beth said it's the change of season. Robin said she needs more water. Howard said Beth looks beautiful this morning. He said she looks amazing. She asked how long they've been married. Howard said they've been married since 2008. He did the math to figure that number out. He said 2008 plus 10 is 2018. He counted the rest on his fingers. He said that has to be 14 years. Beth said they met in 2000. Howard said they've known each other for 22 years then. Howard said that was easy math.
Howard said he has a way with the ladies. He said he really doesn't. He said he knows it was love at first sight with him. He said he's sure it was the same for Beth. Beth said she knew when they looked into each other's eyes that it was. She said she knew it when someone looked at his eyes and mimicked someone else. She said when Howard looked at her in the eyes she knew it was her guy. Howard said he knew when he met her that he didn't want to be without her. He said he called her later that morning and he knew he didn't want to be without her from that point. He said it was right away.
Beth said they're making people sick right now. She said it is their anniversary so they're allowed to be this way. Howard said something is coming for her soon. He said he got her a little something.
Howard said the other person who surprised him was Mark Maron. He said he's amazing in the movie. He said Allison Janney is in it. He said she was in Private Parts too. He said there's a lot of wonderful actors in this movie. He said the reason he brought it up is because it's going to be released in theaters today he thinks. He said then it'll be available to buy or rent. He said he thinks Netflix should buy it. He said its really good. He said that if you're an addict you should watch it because it'll give you hope. He said the movie was just so good.
Beth had to get going. Howard said she gets annoyed and just tunes him out. He said that he hopes he doesn't have COVID. He said he does have a headache and his legs are achy. Beth said that he's fine. Howard said he's not sure why she thinks they're going to be fine. Beth said they had ventilation there by their table. Howard said it was very traumatic for him. Beth said maybe they can go out again this Friday. Beth went to a wedding. Howard said she wore a mask though. He said he's fine with that.
Howard let Beth go. He said he's dopey in love with her. He said he felt like a douche going out with her. He said that she doesn't take care of herself. He said he thought they were going to sit outside. Robin said you have to go and just enjoy it. She said you can't have this internal conversation. Howard said he was there doing fine. He said they were the last ones to leave. He said that he was good. He said he sat next to Jimmy and they had some other famous people there. He said he had a good time.
Howard said he takes care of Beth. He said he carries her EpiPen around for her. Robin said Beth has a good immune system. She said if you have pets around it builds up your immune system. Howard said he doesn't do any of that stuff. Howard said he has Jann Wenner coming in today and he will talk to him about his new book. He said Jann put him on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine three times. He said he's going to talk to him about that and more. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked what this is. He said this is Macy Gray. He said she said she never thought this would be a hit song. Robin said she remembers the first time she heard this song on Rosie O'Donnell's show.
Howard said on Sunday they were watching the movie ''To Leslie'' and he thought about how he had to champion this thing. He said he cried over the movie. He said at the end of it he was crying. He said he was so mad at himself for going out for dinner. He said he thought for sure he was going to get COVID.
Howard said he was going to call Ted Sarandos to get this movie on Netflix. Robin said it sounds like they have a distribution plan. Howard said he's not so sure about that. He said the movie is really good. He said he has to do it justice. Howard said it's coming out on October 7th on the same day it's in theaters.
Howard said AMC has this Interview with a Vampire series. He said he went to watch it and he doesn't have AMC+. He said he has so many streaming services already. Robin said she hasn't seen it either. Howard said he likes anything with vampires. Robin said she has to stop signing up for these services. Howard said he signs up and watches one show and never watches it again. He said he's not signing up for another streaming service.
Jon Hein told Howard the show is on regular AMC so he gets that. Howard said he saw this Vampire Academy movie that was available. He said what a piece of shit that was. He said they don't kill anyone. He said the show is bad. Robin said she never saw that. She said that there is something that's coming up that she wants to watch and she can't remember what it was.
Howard said Vampire Academy is on Peacock. He said they live on boredom. He said they've been alive too long. He said it's just horrible.
Howard said he has to mention a few things before Jann comes in. He said Coolio died last week at the age of 59. He said he was on the show and he was a nice guy. He said he had a big song back in the 90s. He said he came on the show two months after the song was released. He said he had this guy L.V. with him when he came in and he sang with Coolio. He said what a voice that guy had. He said his real name was Larry Sanders. He said L.V. was heavy set. He said you'd think that he'd die before Coolio. Robin said they think that Coolio died of cardiac arrest.
Howard said he asked Coolio and L.V. to sing even though they didn't come in to sing. He said that they just broke into the song when he started playing the track. Howard played a clip from that day when Howard just played the track for them and they performed ''Gangsta's Paradise.''
Howard said that was some performance. He said he helped the guys out at the end. He said they needed his energy in there. He played more of the song where he sang with them.
Howard said he got the name Uncoolio after that. He said he didn't have a rap name until then.
Howard read some feedback they got about Coolio after he passed. People wrote in about that performance. Robin said she talked about L.V. with a vocal coach she had. She said that teacher told her that he couldn't teach L.V. anything.
Howard said they have over 27 million views for the video for that song on YouTube. He played the original Stevie Wonder song that Coolio used for the base track for his song.
Howard said people have been covering that song for 30 years now. He played a montage of the covers of the song.
Howard said Coolio loved to cook. He said he had his own cooking show on YouTube. He said he claimed to be one of the top 1 million lovers. He said he was on a show explaining that. He played a clip of Coolio talking about why that is. Howard said he's with him on the ''no fingers in the butthole'' thing.
Howard said Coolio was a Juggalos fan and he had a tattoo on his arm. He said he has to thank him for doing the show. He said he had a lot of good vibes in the room that day. He said it's a shame he died so young.
Howard was trying to come up with the song he liked by The Struts. The guys played ''Could Have Been Me'' for him. Howard said that's the song. Howard said he was watching the Taylor Hawkins tribute concert over in England and they had everyone there. He said then this dude comes on and he's singing with Brian May from Queen. He said this guy is doing ''We Will Rock You'' and he knows the guy. He said it turns out it's Luke Spiller. He said once you know who he is he's everywhere. Howard said the guy was good. He said he would see a concert with him fronting Queen. Howard played some of that performance from the Taylor Hawkins tribute.
Howard said that guy was good. He said he was out of it. He said he hadn't heard of the guy until like a week ago. He said he has to give that guy a shout out. He said he thinks they did Queen songs because Taylor Hawkins was into Queen. He said he thinks that's what the tie in was.
Howard said this was driving him crazy. He said he has nothing to do with this but according to the DailyMail Brad Pitt is rumored to be dating 31 year old Emily Ratajkowski. Howard said he got upset about this. He said that he's not sure why he's upset about it. He said he thinks that Emily is hot. He said Brad is 58 and he's had a lot of hot women. He said he doesn't like that.
Howard said he read that Marjorie Taylor Greene's husband has filed for divorce. He said she says some really wacky stuff. Howard said she's such a fucking asshole that it's no wonder he's filing for divorce.
Howard said he read that Trevor Noah is leaving The Daily Show. He said that was shocking to him. He said that guy has been on the show. He said he's a really good looking guy. Robin said he is. Howard said he watched this clip. He said he had a revelation when he went to India. He said the revelation was to give up the show. He said it's the worst advice he's ever heard. Howard said Robin went to India and she had a revelation too. He said she realized she had to get the hell out of there and left and she stuck with this show.
Howard played a clip of Trevor talking about this revelation he had over in India and why he decided to leave the show. Howard said no one wants to do a show anymore. He said James Corden is leaving and Samantha Bee is leaving her show. Howard said Trevor is rumored to be dating Dua Lipa. He said he might be doing the Pete Davidson thing. He said what a bad decision it is to leave his show. He said they have 350,000 people watching that show. He said he could yell out his window and reach more people. Robin said that's considered a hit now. Howard said he thinks when Jon Stewart was doing it he had like a million watching the show.
Howard played more of the Trevor Noah clip and he was talking about how he misses traveling and learning new languages and stuff. Howard said Jon Stewart hosted that show for 16 years. He said he should have stuck with that. Robin said that show makes people want to do social good. Robin said Jon is the biggest do gooder now. She said he's getting laws changed and things like that.
Howard said shows are going away. He said Carson Daly left his show and they aren't replacing it. He said Samantha Bee is gone too. He said that's JD's girlfriend. He asked if anyone even knew that. Robin said she did. Howard said James Corden is leaving his show next year. He said he doesn't get that either.
Howard said he's going to get James Corden in there and ask about that. Robin said Craig Ferguson left his show to do other things. Howard said he hasn't heard a thing about him. He said he doesn't think he wanted to leave. He said he thinks they made him leave.
Howard said when he got started in radio you never wanted to take a vacation because you might get fired. He said there's reporter in Los Angeles named Mark Mester who got on the air and said something and got fired. Howard said they had a story about this woman Lynette Romero was leaving KTLA. He said that this guy did the announce about it and he said some nice things about her leaving. Howard said he thought that was very nice.
Howard said this guy Mark Mester gets on the air and he ends up doing his own tribute to her. He said he criticized the station for how they handled her departure. Howard played that clip and Mark said that he's sorry for the way the whole thing was handled and she did not deserve what happened to her. Mark was going on about how Lynette didn't have a chance to say goodbye and that was not handled correctly.
Howard said what he heard was that she left the station to work at a new station. He said that she has probably forgotten about them at KTLA already. Robin said this has happened before with other people. She said they did keep a woman on a local station and let her say goodbye on the air. Robin said she showed up on the other channel. Howard said if someone is leaving you don't even tell them. He said why bum them out. He said they're trying to hold on to their viewers. Howard said this guy Mark Mester was going on and on about the whole thing and he wanted the station to do more. Howard said after the other anchors gave their well wishes Mark came back on and talked more shit. Howard played that clip next.
Howard said the woman was just going to work for the competition. He said when someone leaves that's it. He said it's not the listener's problem. Robins said Howard wanted to say something to the audience. Howard said who gives a fuck though. Robin said they had a big goodbye at K-Rock. Howard said that was very nice but if they had thrown him off it would have been fine. He said that this woman wasn't fired. He said she had another job. He said this guy Mark was suspended and then fired. Robin said he went of script and did whatever he wanted to do.
Howard said he has no idea what this woman was like but she got a job at another place. He said good for her. He said that's smart. He said what are you going to do? He said this guy has no job now. Robin wondered if this Lynette is going to pick him up and hire him. Howard said he has no idea. Howard said he got fired from WNBC and one protester showed up. He said people don't really care. He said we're just entertainers and people will find another show. He said that's what he learned.
Howard said people don't give a shit. He said he's not worried about Lynette moving to another station. He said he's not going to go protest.
Howard said he has to get to Jann Wenner who put on him on the cover of Rolling Stone three times. He said he has to talk to him and find out what's going on. He said the whole world has gone wacky. He said no one buys magazines anymore. Robin said she ends up reading them online instead of reading the actual magazine.
Howard said he read his book and he did a lot of acid. He said he found out the dude isn't even named Jann. He said it's Jan. He said Robin had better listen carefully about how he changed his name to Jann. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he has Jann Wenner who actually knew Jimi Hendrix. He said he started the magazine Rolling Stone with Ralph Gleason. He said that there's no bigger magazine in his generation than that magazine. He said that they covered everything back in the day. He said his book is called ''Like a Rolling Stone: A Memoir'' and it's really something.
Howard said he has been obsessed with some of the stuff he read in his book. He said Robin and Fred tried to change their names but they didn't pull it off. Howard said Jann was born as ''Jan'' but he changed it to Jann and it worked. He said that somewhere along the line he decided to add he extra N and made it Jann. Howard asked how he got people to go along with that. Jann said that it was sheer force of will. He said his mom didn't like it and she mocked him about it. Jann said that it was always pronounced ''yahn'' but the N helped. He said that the two Ns were the way to go. He said that there are more Janns out there now.
Howard asked how many people were subscribing to the magazine in the heyday. Jann said in 1976 they were going to about 600-700,000. He said they were selling a million 4 at their height. He said he was told that a lot of prisoners were subscribing. He said there were a lot in Vietnam who subscribed too. Howard said he subscribed and he shared it with people. He said that when he had to sell advertising the had to convince people that they sold that many but they had a lot more readers. Jann said they figured about 7 million people read it.
Howard said Rock stars today have their own magazine with their social media accounts. He said they don't need magazines now. Jann said Taylor Swift is the 7th largest country in the world with the number of followers she has. Jann said they were able to shape thinking with their magazine but that's essentially gone now. He said that there's so many other ways to do things on the internet now.
Howard said Kim Kardashian has like 200 million followers. He said that's fantastic but there are no real questions going on. He said everyone has their own PR firm and their own audience built in. He said it's done. Jann said it is. He said that there is still some of that available but its pretty much gone. He said if you wanted to get to know a band or a musician then you'd read articles about them. He said they were well written and the questions were thought about. He said now it's the surface of it and a quick hit. He said there is no forum to discuss what the song was written about. He said he misses it. He said he's sure Howard misses it too.
Howard said Jann was hanging out with the Rolling Stones and Jimi Hendrix back in the day. He said he got a first hand look at how these people work and create. He said he had to convey that to the audience and they did a great job. Jann said thank you. Howard said that's the part that's missing for him now. He said he sees stuff on social media and that detail is missing now.
Jann said that he would see Mick at 22 or 24 and they could bring you inside something and see what it was like. He said their audience was just like them. He said they wrote for them and the musicians. He said they wanted to create this link for them in a great way. Howard said he would read about them and the record reviews were great. He said he's thinking about it now and how Jann was kind of fucked. He said he needed access to rock stars but in the back of the magazine was a review of an album. He asked how you do that if you're begging for an interview. He said that's the rub.
Jann said he thinks people understood that they were going to say what they wanted to say and not pull punches. He said you can't fake a review. He said it was about the integrity of it all. He said legitimate criticism is part of the process. He said he gave their reviewers complete freedom. He said that integrity was important.
Howard said Jann was really friends with Mick Jagger and inside he had to think that was something remarkable. He said he was friends with a genius. He said Altamont comes and they fuck up with the Hell's angels and they wrote about that and put the blame on the Rolling Stones. Jann said that they had to do the story and tell the truth about it. He said that they had to lay the blame on various people who were to blame. He said that the Stones were part of that but it wasn't them alone. He said that he valued his friendship with Mick but he had to have that integrity. He said it caused a disruption with Mick but they became friends again after.
Howard asked how it works when something like that goes down. He said the Altamont thing was a big deal. He said Mick writes him a note and says he doesn't want to be associated with him. He asked how the fuck he got that back. Jann said he did say that perhaps we'll be friends again some day. He said they had to write it up as it was. He said they had to present to the world and be part of it.
Howard said Jann was known for hiring great people. He said Lorne Michaels was good like that. He said Jann was able to find great people. He said he had a lot of great photographers for the magazine. He said he had great writers. He said they were all sharp, smart kids. He said he read that he hired John Landau who is now Bruce Springsteen's manager. He said he puts out a review of Cream and it ends up breaking up the band. He said Eric Clapton claims they broke up because of that review. Jann said that was shocking to think about the power of that. He said he loved that album too. Jann asked Howard not to blame him for all of that. Howard said he's blaming John Landau and Eric Clapton.
Jann said that's just Eric. Howard said how interesting that the article broke the band up. He said he cried as a kid when that band broke up. He said he adored Cream. He said he couldn't believe how good they were.
Jann said the first person he interviewed was Eric Clapton. He said he just went back stage and interviewed him. He said that he was trying to get a job. He said he was a nice guy.
Howard said certain people have a way of getting access to bands like that. Howard asked how Jann did it. Jann said that Hendrix was right after they started the magazine. He said that he doesn't know but he loves the music and he can talk reasonably about it. He said he's a fan. He said people respond to that. Jann said he looks back on things and he was a charming kid who was interested in those things. He said he sees it in his own kids now.
Howard said it had to be weird to have access like that. Jann said that he remembers how cool it was to get in with Mick Jagger. He said he got to hang out with Mick. He said he got to know the rest of them in good time.
Howard asked Jann about hearing the song ''Beggar's Banquet'' for the first time did it blow his mind. Jann said that it's overwhelming to hear it in a studio. He said it's outstanding. He said you know you're in it. He said it takes a couple of listens these days to get it. He said you get to know something and you listen to it 40 or 50 times. He said you just love it.
Howard said young kids are thinking this is old fart syndrome. Howard said music had a different vibe to it back in the 60s. He said that you get the chills thinking about the music from back then. He said he felt like they were doing something with their music.
Jann said he wrote the book because he felt they went through the Rock and Roll Era. He said they went through the baby boom thing and a couple of things happened. He said this country wasn't what they expected. He said they went through a lot of crisis. He said they had rock and roll to get through all of that. He said they had the Stones and Bob Dylan making you think. He said the rise of the Stones and Bob Dylan at the same time was just amazing. He said then technology came together and they were able to get music around the world. He said now it's even more out there. He said that's what Rolling Stone was about. He said it was about that moment and how it moved forward.
Howard asked Jann if he was freaked out when the Beatles went off to India and changed their whole look. He said he was worried they were going to self destruct. He said he was like 13 years old when Sgt. Peppers came out. He said he got nervous for them.
Jann said he was a little older than Howard. He said not so much now. He said he knew about LSD and he had some experience with it. He said he wasn't worried for them. He said he was excited. He said he thought they could have a new depth of thinking. Howard said he had a bad experience with acid. He said that Jann didn't have that. Jann said just don't have a phone around when you're on it.
Howard said he read his book and he didn't know he was a musician. He said he knew him as the guy who ran Rolling Stone. He said he read about him doing the drugs and stuff and he felt like it was out of place. He said he thought of him in a new light. Howard said he had to be the adult in the room but he just wanted to be the hippy who could do acid and stuff. He said he still had to hold down the fort. He said that juxtaposition of those two things has to be a drag. Jann said it was a lot of fun. He said as things got more serious he had to be more of a businessman. He said you have to be having fun. He said that he had to take care of Hunter S. Thompson. He said he found cocaine and he didn't like that. He said it was like speed. He said it doesn't get you anywhere. He said you eventually grow out of that stuff. He said he did have some dope at the White House. He said he was going there to do an interview and he had some cookie crumbles in some tin foil. He said he thinks that was during the Clinton years. He said they were pot cookies. Howard asked if he gets paranoid about that. Jann said he's a pro.
Howard said Jann said something in his book that blew his mind. He said he had a system in his office where he could listen to the conversations his staff was having on the phones. He said it creeped Jann out. Howard said he had the right to do that but who put the system in. Jann said they were moving into a new office and they were told about this executive override. He said that he could listen to any phone call. He said he tried it once and it worked. He said he thought it was the weirdest thing. He said he had it removed.
Howard said he's had times in his world where he had access to those things and he didn't feel it was right. Howard asked what tempted him to try it out. Jann said that it was just random. He said once he got on their computer and he guessed someone's password. He said that he read a note that they were writing about how awful it was working at the magazine. He said it's just not the right thing to do. He said it's like Big Brother.
Howard said liked hearing about the early days of Rolling Stone. Howard said Mick thought he got the name from the band but it was actually Bob Dylan's song about a rolling stone. Jann said it was about Bob. He said that he gave credit to him but also gave credit to the Rolling Stones. He said he was inducting the Stones into a hall of fame and he thanked them for the use of their name. He said Mick joked about them giving him the rights to it or he'd be called Herman's Hermit's Monthly. He said Bob Dylan got upset about him giving credit to the Stones. He said that he was flattered about that. He said they were quibbling over the credit. Howard said Mick got pissed off at him over it. He asked if he wishes he had never called it Rolling Stone. Jann said they weren't able to come up with anything good. He said it's a great name now. He said they had Electric Apple at one point and imagine if they were talking about the electric apple today.
Jann said that he got a cease and desist about the name of the magazine and he wrote back and told them that's not where their head is at. He said 38 years later he and Mick share the copyright of the name. Howard said what a disaster it is being in business with Mick Jagger. He said he's a great musician and he can write hit songs over and over again. He said it deserves a magazine. Jann said that they were out promoting their stuff back in the day and they had reporters covering their concerts. He said they were their advocates.
Howard asked what kind of money they got for ads in Rolling Stone. Jann said he's not sure but they had some big advertisers like General Motors. Howard asked if they ever game after them for writing something bad about something. Jann said the record companies never crossed that line with them. He said they knew they would shit on them if they did that. He said that they were giving discounts to record companies to keep them on. He said other big companies had rules for where they had to be placed in the magazine. He said they had good relationships with the advertisers.
Howard said he hired so many great writers. He said he had Cameron Crowe as a writer. Jann said they had a lot of great writers. He said they had college kids. He said Cameron was in high school. He said he had to get his mother's permission to send him on the road. He said when you see Cameron's movie ''Almost Famous'' that's a true story. He said it's like a love letter to Rolling Stone.
Howard said not all bands loved the magazine. He said Led Zeppelin had problems with the magazine. Howard asked Jann about the top 10 bands and they were talking about that and Jann said he knows Howard thinks that Bon Jovi is in the top 10. Howard said they're going to talk about the hall of fame thing. Howard said Jann wasn't here and that upset him. He said he heard that he was dying. Jann said he had broken his leg and it was hard to get around. He said he heard that Howard went off on him on stage. Jann said that he got a hold of the audio and he thought it was very funny riff. Howard said when he wrote the speech he knew that he had a good sense of humor. He said then he didn't hear from him. He said he thought he got pissed off. He said then he wrote to him and said he was fine with it. Jann said he wrote about that for his book but then they took it out. Howard asked who ''they'' is. Jann said the book was like twice as big as it is. He said they had to cut it down. He said it took a lot of people to cut it down. He said you want it to move fast.
Howard said John Landau is Springsteen's manager now. He asked why he didn't introduce Bruce to him. Jann said he's sure that he met Bruce through John. He explained how John got the job there at the magazine and he still doesn't get how he became Bruce's manager. He said John was good but he took over the movie reviews for a while and he called The Godfather a ''middling'' movie. Howard laughed.
Howard said he thinks that Bruce is great as a sit at the piano kind of musician. Jann said he agrees. He said that he has a haunting voice and he's got some great songs. He said he respects him enormously. He said he has a new record coming out in the next week or so and its brilliant. He said he's been listening to it over the past 3 months or so.
Howard asked how he got it 3 months in advance. Jann said that Bruce is a friend and he asked him to give it to him. He said he got it and got 3 months with it so he can brag about it to people.
Howard asked Jann to talk about Led Zeppelin. He said he doesn't seem to want to give them their due. Jann said he does. He said the had some reviewers who were nasty. He said they would review a record and they'd get a nasty riff of their own. He said it wasn't fair to the artist. He said that he fired those people who would do that. He said that didn't matter to Led Zeppelin. He said the band held it against them for years. He said that they explained it to them and the band held it against them. He said they were thin skinned about it. He said they were the biggest group in the world so they didn't care. He said in the end peace was brokered by Cameron Crowe and Jimmy showed up to the photo shoot with a bouquet of dead roses for him.
Howard said Zeppelin didn't like Jann but the liked Cameron so the dealt with him instead. He said Cameron told him that Jimmy claimed that he had stolen his girlfriend in England. He said he doesn't know anything about that but he left the story out there.
Howard asked Jann about the Eagles and why they didn't get along. Jann said they had issues with critics and they got upset about something they said about them. He said they were happy to be on the cover when they were on the cover.
Howard said John Lennon was a genius and he was a complicated guy. He said he was on the cover and Annie Leibovitz shot it. Jann said the photo was something really special. He said the photo almost looked like a death mask because John had gotten shot. He said it was very powerful. Howard asked when he found out the concept for the cover. He said that it had to be controversial because John was naked. He asked if it was John and Yoko's concept. Jann said he thinks it was their concept. He said that Annie came in and did her shoot and she had a whole bunch of things she shot. He said they went with what they wanted. He said there was no other cover that they could possibly have. He said they had no headlines on the cover because nothing else had to be said.
Jann said he agrees with Howard about what kind of guy John Lennon was. He said he was so talented and he was able to write things that were just powerful. He said the guy was powerful. Howard said Jann had a real friendship with John.
Howard asked Jann if he went to dinner or whatever with John was he ever disappointed in his idols. He said he will never meet him so he'll never know. He asked if he saw him do things that made him think he wants such a great guy. Jann said they spent time together a few times. He said he was kind of like Robin Williams who was on all the time. He said that they felt they had to be funny all the time. He said one night they were out for dinner and someone came up to ask for an autograph and John said ''Can't you see I'm fucking eating?!'' He said that's the kind of stuff he didn't like. He said John was an angry guy. Howard said he didn't have the love of his parents. He said that's why he was so angry.
Howard said he hopes he's not getting this wrong. He said his parents broke up. Jann said they did and his sisters lived with his mom and he lived with his dad. Howard said that had to be tough. Jann said it wasn't so bad. He said that the had agreed to send him off. He said he didn't relate to that with John at all. Howard said maybe not consciously but he may have subconsciously. Jann said that it could very well be but do they have to do this in front of the whole world. Howard said yes. Jann said Howard must have been this way. He said he felt like he didn't fit in and he knew there was something special about himself. He said he didn't fit in. He said in John's case he was a rebel and didn't fit in. He said he thinks that he and Howard identify with John being a rebel.
Howard said he doesn't get how John could write about peace and love and then still be the angry guy he was. Jann said he was writing about himself later on and he had such intense songs. He said that he fully let himself go and without shame. He said that John and Yoko being naked on the cover of the magazine was risky and he did it. He said that John just showed that they were normal people.
Howard asked Jann if he ever talked music with John. Jann said he never did. Howard said he doesn't think he'd do that with Paul if he went to dinner with him.
Howard said he saw that Jann was out with Yoko and Bono. He said he saw that the magazine gave Yoko a 5 star review. Howard said you can't give her anything but a 5 star review. He said it would destroy her. He said sometimes you don't have a choice. Jann said he doesn't think that's necessarily true. He said she's a brilliant artist. He said he stuff isn't easy to listen to or understand but she has a big reputation that will only grow. He said she has some real fans there.
Howard said David Bowie rejected the Rock and Roll hall of fame. He asked if he was upset by that. Jann said he thought for sure he'd say yes. He said that they got Madonna to accept on his behalf. He said that David was a great guy. He said he was so nice and polite. He said he also loved the avant garde in anything. He said he wasn't interested in the same things he was interested in. He said he felt the hall of fame was too backwards looking. He said he turned it down twice but that didn't stop them from being friends and socializing.
Howard said he had Bowie one time and he didn't want to be interviewed. Howard said he thinks he was afraid that he'd ask him about his sexuality. Jann said he thinks that's because he was a very proper person. He said maybe he thought it wasn't his business. He said they did a profile of David in the magazines once and they talked about how he might have a big penis and David got upset about that. He said he's not sure why he'd get upset about that but he did.
Howard asked Jann if he feels like he had a great life getting to meet all of these people. He said he got to hang out with Lorne Michaels at Saturday Night Live and all of these bands. He said he read about how he got to hang out with Steve Miller and that's how he got to meet Mick Jagger. Howard said Steve came on the show and trashed the whole experience. Jann said that he was mystified. He said that he is a cranky guy though. He said Steve trashed him and 2 months later he was so friendly with him. He said that he feels lucky to have been alive at this time. He said he got to witness all of this stuff. He said rock and roll is such a pleasure to listen to. He said it's there for mankind to listen to. He said his best friends are mostly musicians and being part of that creative world has been enjoyable. He said he saw the Beatles having fun and that's what it's all about.
Howard asked who his friends are. Jann said that's name dropping. Howard said go for it. Jann said he's friends with Bette Middler and Bruce Springsteen. He said he spends a lot of time with Bette. Howard asked why he showed her his penis. Jann said it wasn't his penis, it was his balls. He said he was in the hospital and he had been taking fluids in and it made his balls huge. He said he showed her because he thought she'd appreciate it. He said they had a laugh over it.
Jann said that Bette is an amazing talent. He said she has such range. He said Bruce does too. Howard said he heard from a friend who went to hang out with Bruce one night and he pulled out the guitar and started playing. He said that must be wonderful. Jann said he's been there for things like that. He said it's unbelievable.
Jann said that he went on vacation with Mick once and he pulled out his guitar and started singing for the group of 6 that were there. He said it was really something. He said that he did a few songs.
Howard said Jann revealed that a Stones song was about Annie Leibovitz. He said he kind of inferred that she had an affair with Mick. He said he thought she was a lesbian. Jann said you can go both ways. He said he's not sure if he knew that.
Howard said Jann had Linda McCartney working for him and he was the one who sent her to take pictures of the Beatles. Jann said that she wanted to meet Paul and they ended up going out and she said ''thank you forever'' for sending her over there.
Howard said he read about how Jann was the publisher of Us Weekly magazine and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt had just started dating. He said they got a call from Angelina asking them to come take pictures of them. Jann said the tipster to the photographer was Angelina herself. He said she started it with them moths before. He said it was kind of unusual for the status of their fame. Jann said he enjoyed doing Us Weekly.
Jann asked if he can take a break. Howard said he has a million things to ask but they'll wrap up. He said he has one more thing to ask. He said he'll play a tune. Howard said he has to ask Jann one more thing. Jann ran off to the bathroom.
Howard and Robin spent a little time talking while they waited for Jann to return. Howard played some Prince ''While My Guitar Gently Weeps'' to kill some time.
Howard had Jann back. He told Jann about how great this moment was when Prince did this solo. Jann said it's on film and the show it every day at the hall of fame in Cleveland. They spent a little time talking about the hall of fame and the performance they were playing.
Howard asked Jann how his health is. Jann said it's pretty good. He said he has a cane now because he broke his leg. He said other than that he's pretty good. They talked about skiing a bit. Jann said he skied with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard said he thought that he had a group that he skied with. Jann said Sting came out one year. He said Bruce tried it and he wasn't a skier. He said he was too slow for him. He said Bruce ended up wearing fingerless gloves and a tweed cap. He said you'd never know it was him.
Howard said he had to ask about the magazine covers they did with him. He said he was very grateful for putting him on the cover. He said to have national exposure was great. He said for them to select him for a cover was very helpful. He said he was very supportive of his show. He said he had the idea to pose with a thorny crown. He said he submitted it to them and it was rejected. He said someone said that the can't do that. He said he thought it was great but Jann thought that no one would put it on the newsstand. Jann said it was a great image. He said he looked kind of like Jesus. He said at that time it would have created such a shit storm. He said they would have thought he was mocking Jesus. He said if you upset a religious group the advertisers were back right off.
Howard said he thinks it was mocking them. He said he had a lot of religious groups coming after him. Jann said it would have cost them millions to do that. Howard said years later they put Kanye on the cover like that. Jann said it was about 10 years and things had changed. He said it was a different time and it worked great.
Howard said he went to Jann's house and he was there with Bono and Yoko. He said Jann was very nice to have invited him over. He said it was very awkward though because he had said some things about Yoko over the years.
Howard said he has to thank Jann for his magazine. He said read the book because it's very interesting. He said that he must have to hide in his house for not putting people in the hall of fame. Jann said it's not too much of a nightmare. He said they decide by voting but some people still don't understand that he's got nothing to do with the voting.
Howard asked if he has had people complain that they're not in the hall of fame. Jann said their friend Jon Bon Jovi was one of those guys who thought they were being kept out. He said that there was one year when Jon came close but not close enough to the final group. He said if he had bent the rules he could have gotten him in at number 10 but he wasn't willing to bend the rules. He said if someone was dying he would bend the rules. He said he did that for Dusty Springfield. He said he knew that Jon would get re-nominated and he would get in.
Howard asked if he gets tired of the criticism for not finding rap soon enough. Jann said that they did get on it early. He said that they have had coverage of rap and hip hop. He said they were covering blues and R&B and all of that forever. He said rap was a natural extension of rock and roll. He said they were on it and it fit right in. He said they covered it thoroughly.
Howard asked if he got upset that other magazines like Spin came around. Jann said not at all. He said magazines like Spin carved out a niche and they did it well.
Howard asked Jann about coming out as gay. He said he knows his man Matt and he's a beautiful man. He said that was a shocking thing to him. He said for a guy of his generation it had to be hard. Jann said those things ran through his mind and he was in love. He said breaking up a marriage is really rough no matter what the reason is. He said he and his wife had dinner last night with the kids. He said it's really amazing. He said he wrote in the book that the divorce didn't work out. He said when he grew up people were thrown in jail for this. He said he didn't have role models. He said that when he came out there were laws changing and it was much easier at that time. He said he didn't lose any friendships over it. He said nothing happened with the people he worked with.
Howard said he got the sense that he was able to compartmentalize the gay stuff. He said he was with his wife and he stuck with her. Jann said he loves Jane and they were having a great time together. He said it was great. He said they have great kids and it was all fine. He said he didn't entertain those big time doubts.
Howard asked Jann about getting older now and if he's freaking out about it. Jann said the difficulty is what happens to your body as you get older. He said that it's limiting in that way but you get wisdom too. He said you have health scares at this age and you just accept it. He said you don't have FOMO at his age. He said he doesn't need anymore of this. He said he has enough to live well and be happy now. He said that's a great joy. He said that he doesn't fear death because he doesn't think anything happens. Howard said it makes him sad because he doesn't want to give up what he has.
Howard and Jann talked about the old days and how they had more energy when they were younger.
Howard asked Jann about where he lives. Jann said he has a place on Montauk. He said he loves it out there. He said Howard knows what it's like living on the ocean. Howard said he has that lovely neighbor Bill O'Reilly. Jann said he hasn't seen him yet. Howard said what an interesting group they have out there.
Howard gave Jann more plugs for his book ''Like a Rolling Stone: A Memoir.''
Howard said he never played all of his favorite songs. Jann told him to do it. Howard played Bob Dylan's ''Forever Young'' and Jann talked about why he likes the song. Howard played a bunch of other songs that Jann likes and spent a little time talking to Jann about each one. (It was at this point that I zoned the fuck out of this one. I apologize but I can't take these 2 hour long interviews no matter who the guest is.)
Howard eventually wrapped up the interview around 11:00am.
Howard said Chris Wilding was telling him that Apples, the guy who calls Ronnie, is kind of a genius and he loves the guy. Chris said he does think Apples is good. He said he saw that this Rachel Dolezal is in the news. Howard explained who she is and how she has two white parents and she was the head of the NAACP and claimed she was black. Howard said you can't be white and be the head of the NAACP and claim you're black.
Chris said she has an OnlyFans and some of her pictures came out on social media. He said Apples wondered if Ronnie would repost some of those. Chris said that was a great idea and he sent them to Ronnie and he retweeted them on Twitter. Howard said she's really not sexy. Ronnie said Chris has too much free time. Robin said this is his job. Ronnie said this is bullshit. He said Apples is a moron. Chris said he's a real up and comer.
Chris said that Apples has a picture of himself with this race car driver Ron Capps. He said he wanted to see if Ronnie would retweet it. Ronnie said Apples looks like a fat fuck Mexican who just crossed the border. Howard asked what kind of comment that is.
Howard got Apples on the phone and put him on with Ronnie and Chris. Howard said Chris was talking about what a great guy Apples is and how he should join the organization. Ronnie said he'll leave if he joins. Ronnie said his name is Lenny and not Apples.
Howard said that Rachel Dolezal really is not a sexy woman. He said he admires her bravery putting her body out there but Ronnie has to have some quality control. Ronnie said no he doesn't. Chris said there are a lot worse out there. Apples was talking over Chris so Howard said he might be a genius but he is talking all over them.
Apples said that Ronnie's quality control used to be great so that's why everyone followed him. He said he's speaking for the fans.
Howard asked how many times Ronnie has tweeted this morning. Chris said it's at least 20 times. He said he should read the captions. He said they had apples in the Apples tweet. He said he should have seen that. Robin asked if he ever stops to look. Ronnie said he looks at them real quick. Chris said that's how they got him to tweet penises.
Howard asked if Ronnie is still tweeting the helicopter company. Ronnie said he is and it's his friend's company. Howard asked why he's not tweeting his buddy Wayne's car company. Ronnie said he never puts anything up.
Chris said that Ronnie was tweeting out an NFT company post too. Ronnie had no idea what he was talking about.
Howard said Ronnie's world has become Twitter. Ronnie said it's really not. He said he just does it before the show. Chris said that Apples is the really talented guy. He said he loves an angle. Ronnie said how about Chris talks to Apples and don't talk to him.
Howard asked Chris why TikTok is the big thing now. He said it all seems the same. Chris said they can get to stuff quick on TikTok. Howard said it seems all the same to him. He said it's so fucked up.
Howard wished Ronnie luck with all of that. Apples asked if Ronnie can get married on the air. He said he would donate to him if he did. Ronnie said no way.
Howard asked who Ronnie's best friend is. Ronnie said he has a lot of guys. Howard asked him to pick just one. Ronnie said there are too many. Fred threw in Harv who Ronnie said he hasn't spoken to in 10 years. Howard asked if it's Kurt Busch. Ronnie said they're all equal friends. He said Kurt is a good friend. Howard said he can see that he doesn't want to talk. Ronnie said he doesn't pick and choose friends and put labels on them.
Howard asked Ronnie if it was a big deal to become Kurt's friend. Ronnie said he's friends with a lot of drivers. He said he's not the only one. He said he sees Kurt more than others though. Howard said he must lay in bed thinking about how great it is. Ronnie said not at all.
Robin said Jann Wenner is still impressed when he's sitting in a studio with Mick Jagger. She said when you idolize someone you still think back to when you just watched them.
Howard said Billy Joel is one of the greatest musicians that has ever lived. He said growing up in college he would sit in his room and listen to Bill's albums. He said when he comes to his house for dinner he thinks it's pretty great. He said it's a big deal.
Howard said Ronnie must think like that. Ronnie said in the beginning it was like that but it's not like that now. He said they're just regular guys who go to work every day.
Chris said Ronnie retweeted this picture of Apples because he was in a picture with Ron Capps. Ronnie said he did. He wasn't making any excuses for that. He said he just likes the guy.
Ronnie said that Chris is trying to get one over on him and he's becoming just like this Apples guy. He said he's no friend. He said there is no friend on the fucking Zoom here either. Howard laughed. He said he's really angry today. He asked how his day was yesterday. Ronnie said it was fine. He said nothing is going on.
Apples said that Ronnie has Howard's book on the very bottom shelf of his book shelf. Howard said he has no idea what he's talking about but he's going with it. Ronnie said that all the books are there. He said they're all on the bottom. He told Apples to get a life. He said he sucks as a comedian and he cleans trailers for a living. Robin asked why he's putting him down for that. Ronnie said that's because he fucks with him.
Apples brought up Ronnie's wedding again. Ronnie said this guy stalks girls on Twitter and tries to get them to visit him in Colorado. Robin asked if that's true. Apples said his girlfriend wouldn't like that. Howard asked if he has a girlfriend. Apples said he does. Ronnie said no he doesn't.
Apples and Ronnie were talking about some girl that Apples knows on the internet and Ronnie claims he was trying to fly her to Colorado. Apples said in 2020 he and this woman were talking on the phone and he did invite her out to Colorado but she lives in Australia. Ronnie said he knows that he was trying to fly her and he was going to pay for it. Ronnie said he's lying about not offering to pay for her flight. Apples said that he does not pay for a trip from Australia. Ronnie said they have him exposed. He called him a fucker.
Howard asked why Ronnie keeps saying that he cleans trailers. Ronnie said he sells them so he has to clean them when they get traded in. Apples said that he doesn't do that. He said Ronnie has old information. He said he got that information from someone who left the show. He said that he has elderly information. Ronnie said everyone knows he's exposed now. He said this girl does some shit for the show and she talks to Mike Pearlman all the time. He said get her on the air and see what she has to say.
Apples said he's been selling RVs for the past 2 yeas. He said he doesn't clean them. Apples said he has a lot of fans who bought trailers. Ronnie laughed and said yeah, sure you have fans. He said the only fans he has are the fans in the trailer.
Howard said Apples claims he has a girlfriend but he's not sure if he does. Apples said he could get his girlfriend on the phone but not for an hour or so. Ronnie said Apples is probably the night watchman at the RV place too. Chris said if someone is funny he's with him. Ronnie said this guy is not funny. He said his stand up sucks.
Howard said this bit might be funny but they can't even see the picture. He said it's one thing to have a great bit. Chris said this bit was good. He said he thinks it's funny. Howard said fair enough. Chris said he thinks this is an interesting young man.
Howard asked what Apples girlfriend's name is. Apples said he doesn't want to say. Howard asked how long he's been dating. Apples said since February. He didn't want to say her name because fans would start Googling her.
Howard said Ronnie is in a long term relationship. He said that's not a fling. Apples asked why he won't get married. He said they could make a show out of the wedding. Ronnie asked if he thinks this guy is so funny now. Chris said he thinks it's great. Howard asked who he's kidding. Robin said he's including himself in the plans now. Ronnie said he heard that.
Howard asked if there are plans for a wedding. Ronnie said there are. He said that he thinks no matter where he has it Robin would be there. Robin said she would be. Howard asked Ronnie if everyone from the show will be invited. Ronnie said he's not that big of a dick. He said it's not easy making a wedding list. He said he won't say who is invited or not. Howard asked if he has a date. Ronnie said he's not saying anything. Ronnie said they had a date but they don't now. He said they haven't really picked anything. He said the date got blown off because of COVID. He said that was the end of it. He said there isn't much talk about it now.
Robin said she's amazed that Ronnie has recreated the room that he used to have there. Ronnie said it's a smaller version. Robin said she's shocked that he wanted to recreate that. Howard said he left out a lot of the tires and stuff. Ronnie said he shares an office with Stephanie there. He said the other side of the room is her stuff.
Apples said he's going to have his girl call in. Ronnie said no one is going to believe that's his girlfriend. He said that he had his chance.
Howard asked Ronnie about his friendship with Kurt Busch again and asked if he can just say it's exciting to hang with his heroes. Ronnie said he's not a super fan of his. He said he's just a friend. Howard said Ronnie is the superfan, not Kurt. Ronnie said it's not like that anymore. Howard said he's just saying that he's excited to be his friend. Ronnie said he knows what he's trying to say here. He said he thinks that he's just his friend because he's a big star. Howard said he's just saying that he's a friend of his and it's exciting.
Howard said he's going to call bullshit on Apples for trying to get this girl to visit from Australia. Apples said he's not though. He said he tried to get her there in the past.
Howard took a call from Natalie from Australia. She's the girl that Ronnie and Apples were talking about earlier. Howard asked if this is one of the girls that Ronnie tweets. Ronnie said she is very sexy and she puts some cleavage pictures up but nothing nude. He said she doesn't do it all the time. He said she's a great girl.
Howard asked Natalie about what went on with Apples. Nat said that he was pretty forward and he was asking her to come and she felt kind of uncomfortable at times. She said that Ronnie has been her guy this whole time. Howard asked how he came on too strong. Nat said that he wanted her to move in with him. Howard asked if she turned down the opportunity to become Mrs. Apples. Natalie said she did. Howard said you can't come on that strong.
Apples said that they were having very serious conversations. He said they started off just sharing drops from the show. He said he did tell her that he rents out rooms and if she wanted to come there she could stay there. He said it wasn't an adopt an Australian program. He said he didn't offer to pay for her to come there. Howard said all Apples wanted to do was let her stay at his house. Howard said it sounds like he was looking for something romantic. Apples said she is a fun and awesome chick. He said she lives on the other side of the planet. He said he would ask her out if she lived there in the States. He said that's not realistic. Howard said he wants to fuck her and not just be her landlord. Apples laughed.
Natalie said that he never did offer to pay for her flight but he did offer to let her stay at his place. She said she did think that he might chop her up into little pieces or something. Apples said this is the same woman who walked into Jeff the Drunk's trailer. Chris said she is a bit of a hanger-on with people from the show. Natalie said she did hang out with Jeff but she felt bad for him. She said she had a genuine friendship with him. She said she's not just attaching herself to people from the show.
Howard asked if she visited Jeff. Natalie said she went with Shuli to visit. She said she didn't even know that Apples was a caller to the show when she met him. She said that Ronnie is her mentor.
Howard said Natalie sounds like an attractive woman that a lot of guys are into. He said she seems to be into trailers. He said that she's into Jeff and Apples who sells trailers. Howard said Ronnie was right about Apples wanting her but he was wrong about him offering to pay.
Apples said that he would have gone after her if she lived there. Natalie said that doesn't speak very well of his character if he says that. Apples said he was talking about how he would have done that before his girlfriend. He said Natalie was before he started dating this girl.
Howard asked if they ever had phone sex. Natalie said they did. Howard asked if Apples beat off. Apples said he thinks he did once or twice. Ronnie said this is the bullshit this guy is. Howard asked if Apples was good at it. Natalie said that she did do it with him and she faked it with him. Apples said he has the video. He said he'll send it to them. Howard asked what video that is. Apples said he has the videos that she sent to him.
Howard asked if Natalie ever had sex with Jeff the Drunk. Natalie said not at all. Howard had Jeff on the phone and asked what went on with them. Jeff said she's a stalker and she's just a fan of the show. He said she just wants to be on the show. Howard said she's got his attention now. He said she's worked hard to get his attention and it's working. He asked what his beef is with her. Jeff said he didn't call them, they called him. Jeff said he has no issues with her. He said he doesn't think about her. Howard asked if he wanted to have sex with her. Jeff said never. All the guys said bullshit.
Howard asked what went on in the trailer. Natalie said he was drunk and he had meltdowns when she visited. Howard said it sounds like she got scared. Natalie said she wasn't scared but she had no phone reception at the time.
Howard said he has to sum this up. He asked Natalie how disgusting Jeff's trailer was. Natalie said it was fine. She said it smelled like smoke but it was actually nice. She said it wasn't that bad.
Howard said he's going to sum this up now. He said Natalie knows all of these guys and she'll be summering with Bigfoot next summer. He was joking. Howard said Ronnie and Apples are still feuding and he's got that. He said Natalie did not get offered to be paid to fly there. He said there's more to the story but Ronnie won't go there. Ronnie said he doesn't want to embarrass the guy. He said there is more to the story. Apples asked what more there is.
Apples said that Ronnie is going to cut her off for talking to him. Natalie said that's not true. She said that she is friends with him. Howard said his head is spinning from all of this.
Howard said Ass Napkin Ed is on the phone and he said that Natalie was supposed to visit him too. Howard got Ed on and Ed said he's still waiting for her. He said he offered to marry her. He said he has his own house if she's interested.
Howard said Natalie must have a creep fetish. Natalie said she does. Howard said he has to get out of this because he has a lot more to get to. Howard said there's a lot going on here. He said he'll give her Gary the Conqueror's number too if she wants it. Robin said she's hocked that High Pitch Erik isn't involved in this. Natalie said she has been in touch.
Howard asked if Natalie will call Ass Napkin Ed. Natalie said she'll call him later. Ed said he'll renew her subscription for her too. He was talking about Hulu apparently.
Howard said he has to get out of this. He said the phone connections aren't that great. He said what he's learning is that there's this other world where listeners contact other listeners and there's a whole eco-system of the show going on. He said he likes to take a look at it once in a while. Howard said he's exhausted. He asked if he can go home. He said he actually is at home. He let everyone go.
Howard said for their anniversary he and Beth got in bed and made love and then watched Bachelor in Paradise. Howard said he liked the sex a lot. He said he's not sure how Beth liked it.
Robin asked if they do special things on special occasions. Howard said he gets crazy. He said he'll say and do anything. He said he will tell Beth that he's going to do things like put his tongue up her ass. He said she sighs and says she's not doing that. Howard said he'll tell her that and she isn't looking for that and he's not either. He said she's a great woman and he's madly in love with her. He said he gets crazy. He said he'll tell her he's going to buy her a car and she doesn't even drive.
Howard said last night he said he was going to tie Beth up. He said he wants to say these things but he feels it's a nice thing to say. He said it shows he's involved and he wants to be involved with her. He said he thinks it's a loving thing. He said Beth doesn't find it living.
Howard said he bought Beth some flowers in the shape of a heart. He said she put it on Instagram. He said it's beautiful. He said they were going to bang at some point but he was on the phone for hours with the people who take care of his mother. He said his days are fucking crazy.
Howard said he's no doctor but when your mother calls you and she's upset. He did his impression of her talking to him saying ''Howard... my son, my son, my son...'' He asked what he can do for her. He said his mom was saying her feet are burning. He did his impression of that. He had her repeating things in threes.
Howard said he was trying to help her out with the burning feet. He said that he told her to move in with him because she doesn't like being alone. Howard said they want her there but she thinks she's better off there. Howard said she's right. He said it would be a diaster if she moved in with him. Howard said she has someone around her 24 hours a day. He said she's never alone for a minute. He said he told her he was going to call the doctor and he was going to get her help. He said she was asking what they can do for her. He said he had to go talk to them.
Howard said he calls everyone and tells them what's going on. He said they have her on some new medication and they say it might help her with the nerves in a few days. Robin asked if her legs are still swollen. Howard said they are. Robin asked if she has her feet elevated. Howard said they are. He said he gets her to walk around when he's there. Howard said he goes there and gets her to walk. He said she eats at the table. He said she walks up and down the hall with her physical therapist. He said he has a team of people helping her.
Howard said he asked his mom to come up with a plan to have some fun if she's going to be around a few more years. He said he told her to get a hobby. He said he was going to have a knitting woman come teach her how to do that. He said she has no interest in that. Robin asked if she plays cards at all. Howard pretended to talk to his mom about that and she asked why she'd start having fun now.
Howard said he's constantly working to get her to have some kind of life. He said she's not doing it. He said she doesn't like card games.
Howard said he knows that he's going to get a call after the show about what's going on with his mom. He said he's trying his best. He said he feels so bad for her. He said the hospice people are great. He said they go and see her and help her out with what she has going on. He said they were working on her vagina like she was a car in a car shop. He said they find new things with her all the time. He said she's embarrassed by the whole thing. He said she doesn't want to be a burden to him and these people. Howard said he says she's not a burden but that's a lie. He said that she is but he tells her that it's his honor. He said we have a generation now where you have people in their 60s and 70s taking care of their 90 year old parents. He said it takes a lot of people to take care of that. He said that people complain about the government being socialist but you need them to take care of people like this. Howard said he realized that his hobby is taking care of his mom.
Howard said he sees that Ron DeSantis is doing the right thing and taking care of his state with government money. He said that he wasn't into helping out New York when they were with a hurricane. He said you need big government to help with that.
Howard said it's crazy what happened in Florida. He said there was an image of a house standing just fine and then a house that was in a pile of rubble right next door. He said that makes him think there is a higher power out there. He said that the same hurricane missed one house. Robin said it happens all the time. Howard said this is proof that there must be something. Robin said it happens all the time. She said that it's random.
Howard said he has to think that God is on his side. He said anyone who ever came up against him in his career are all fucked now. He said he must be the chosen one. He said he works in mysterious ways. He said he's going all out religious now.
Howard said on Bachelor in Paradise has this thing called a ThongKini. He said it's like a bikini but the back exposes the back completely. He said that there's a girl who wears one on Bachelor in Paradise who they have to block out because her whole asshole is out. He said even the best looking girls are wearing these things and their asses look terrible. He said that there's no way you can look good in a ThongKini unless you're like Emily Ratajkowski or someone with a perfect body. He said that he's not sure why they let them wear that stuff on the show if they have to blur it all out. He said it makes him crazy.
Howard said he's not sure why the girls are wearing them. He said they must not look in the mirror. He said they don't look good. Howard said even when he was working out and he was at his fittest he knew that he shouldn't walk around showing his ass. He said he'd never wear a Speedo or something. He said it's crazy what people do. He said use your head.
Howard said if he were president he'd have everyone contact him before going on TV in a bikini. He said he was on America's Got Talent and his job was to judge people. He said he would come back to TV if there was a show where he would be able to tell people if they should wear a ThongKini or not.
Howard said that was his anniversary night. He said they made love before the Bachelor thing.
Howard said he found a few random things that people should know about. He said he found a website where they ask people what their job is and what they get paid. He said he loves this. He said this is the kind of thing he wants to know about. He said if he hired someone and they said they don't make enough money he'd point them to this web site.
Howard said he has a game that he plays with Beth where he asks how many followers she thinks people have. Howard said it's interesting to him. He said you're surprised that some people have so many and others have so few. Howard asked the guys where his list is. Robin said she just found out that Kim Kardashian has 330 million followers. Howard said that's unbelievable.
Howard said he's going to play this game with Robin. He said he has to find the list though. Howard took a call from a woman who said they have a show called Love Island on Peacock and they show everything on that show. Howard said he may have to watch that to see what's going on. He said he wishes they were showing that stuff on ABC.
The caller said that Love Island is good because they separate the players and some of the men will chose the hotter women to go with instead of sticking with the women they picked earlier. JD said that show is a major commitment if you start watching it. He said it's on a few times a week. Howard said that's a problem. He said he and Beth were watching a show that went on and on. He said it was Married at First Sight. Howard said no one paid an editor for that show. He said he would have been into it if they had edited it. Robin said that's what Love Island is like. Howard said they want to get content quickly and they think they don't need to edit. Howard said Bachelor is good because they cut out all the bullshit. He said even then there's still a little bullshit in there.
The caller said that there are conversations on this show that are just so stupid. Howard said the level of idiots is unbelievable. He said they're good looking idiots. Howard said you hear the level of conversation. He told a story about how boring these people are on the show and how they end up making out after just talking for a minute about how they wanted to meet each other. Howard said they have nothing to say to each other.
Howard said here's he game. He said if Kim has that many does The Rock have more or less followers. Robin said she says he has more. Howard said he does. He said he has 339 million. He said that's more than the U.S. population. He said this guy has major power.
Howard asked if Khloe Kardashian has more or less than Kim. Robin said she has less. Howard said she has less but not by much. He said she has 274 million. He said that's fucking nuts.
Howard said Kanye West only has 17.9 million. Robin said she's shocked. Howard said the best looking sister is Kendall Jenner. He said she has 258 million followers. He said no wonder she gets a ton of modeling jobs. He said it's crazy how many people that is. He said it's bigger than any radio station or network ever. Howard said Simon Cowell only has 1.9 million followers.
Howard took a call from a guy who said happy Cocktober. Howard said he has to talk about Cocktober after this call.
Howard said he has Mick Jagger too. Robin said he must have in the millions. Robin guessed 10 million. Howard said it's 2.6 million. He said that's it. He said he's Mick Jagger. The caller said that doesn't mean that they sell product. Robin said she disagrees with him on that because Kim is a billionaire from selling products through that fame.
Howard had a few more people he went through. Vin Diesel had 83 million followers. Snoop Dogg has 76.8 million followers. Robin said that's great. Howard said that's a big number. He asked if Ariana Grande or Kim Kardashian is bigger. Robin said she's going to think about that. She said that Kim has more. Howard said Kim has 331 million and Ariana has 333 million. He said she has more. Robin said it's close though.
Howard asked if Taylor Swift is bigger. Robin said she's not. Howard said she has 220 million. Howard ran down a bunch more performers really quick.
Robin said she wants to know how many Angelina Jolie has because of that story they heard yesterday with Jann Wenner. Howard said that was a shocking sorry. He said she was ratting herself out to the Paparazzi. Howard said she has 13.8 million followers.
Robin said that Pat Benetar should be in there too. Gary said she's getting in this November. Howard said you can go down a whole road about why people are in or not. Howard said he doesn't think he should be in the hall of fame. Howard said he may meet some criteria for the hall of fame but he's not sure about that. Robin said she thinks he's short selling himself. Robin said he created this situation where rock bands come to the station and play music. Howard said that's true. He said up until they had a show they never had an acoustic set in the studio. He said they started doing that so long ago. He said it never occurred to anyone to do that.
Howard said they went to Los Angeles one year and started doing it and then every station started doing it. Howard said it was weird. He said he brought a guitar and asked people to play it. He said it never occurred to anyone else to do that. He said it was something different. He said no one did this thing.
Gary said it was the next day that other stations were doing it. He said he remembers how it went. He said that the next day after they did it they had other stations with instruments there at the convention. Howard said that happened a lot to him in his career.
Howard said he was thinking this was a bad idea but now they're convincing him that he should be in. Gary said he thinks he should be on the main ballot. He said one of his favorite things is to go on the video part of the app and look at the performances that have been done on their show. He said Howard has helped break a lot of bands too. He said he's given a lot of information to the fans about these bands.
The caller said Gary is wrong again. He said that Gary has the power to seek a nomination for someone. He said he has a better in road than he does. He said there isn't a DJ one but there is a non musical induction. Howard asked if Scott Muni is in the hall of fame. Gary said yes. Gary said that Meg Griffin is in there too. The caller said Howard should be in. Howard said Scott Muni and people like that did a lot of promoting music and they deserve it. He said he never would have thought he should be in there but they're convincing him he should be. Robin said she really does think he should be in there for what he's done. Gary said just think about the interviews Howard has done with so many musicians over the years.
Howard said he has to read this. He said Jann Wenner got his Ahmet Ertegun award nomination. He read the details of that. Howard said he thinks that this guy has convinced him. He said now he's pissed he's not in the hall of fame. Gary said Howard invented the Unplugged format. Howard said he thinks he did.
Howard asked who should induct him. The caller said he should. Howard said he thinks Paul McCartney or Neil Young. Gary said he thinks Billy Joel would want to. Howard said that's an honor. He said that's who he wants. Howard said throw in Joe Walsh and Ringo too. He said Elton John and King Charles and even Obama and Trump together. He said just bring everyone and make a circus out of the whole thing.
Howard said he would be honored to be in the hall of fame. He said he's going to think about that. Robin thanked the caller, Greg, for calling in with that.
Jon Hein said about 50 people have gotten that Ahmet Ertegun award and Howard definitely deserves to be in here. Robin said he should be in the country music hall of fame and all the others too.
Jon said they have a thing downstairs at the hall of fame that has Meg Griffin and Scott Muni and people like that in there. Howard said he has to be above all of them. Gar said he was shocked that he wasn't in here at all. Howard said he has to get Jann back on the show to talk about all of this. Greg said that his love of music shows on the show and he deserves to be inducted. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard said they might have to get names of all of the hall of fames out there and get him into all of them. Howard said they're just talking because nothing will happen. He asked who cares anyway.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said they learned yesterday about how Cream broke up over an article in Rolling Stone magazine. Howard said this is a great riff. He said Jack Bruce wrote this.
Howard said they have to talk about Cocktober. He said it's the biggest event of the year.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that anyone who should induct Howard it's Dave Grohl. He said he thinks that Howard has done a lot for them. Howard thanked him for the call. He said this guy is going to go on and on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard is rock and roll and when they come to get him to put him in then he should get Jon Bon Jovi to induct him. Howard hung up on him saying he has no idea what he was saying.
Howard said if they induct him he'd go. He said he would have to. He said it seems important. He said never mind that dopey radio hall of fame. Robin said they don't even know where it is.
A caller suggested having Beetlejuice induct him. Howard said that's the move. He said he should have him or Fred the Elephant Boy induct him. Robin asked how Elephant Boy is doing. Howard said he's not sure what he's into these days. He said they lose touch with some people. Robin said he may have stepped off the stage. Howard said he had his time in the sun. He said he had enough fame.
Chris Wilding said he checks in with Fred. He said he had to get his pacemaker replaced. He said he woke up one day covered in shit and vomit after he passed out. He said he also told him that he is now claiming and living as a bisexual man. Howard said they knew that. Chris said he wasn't open about it though. He said he is an older man now and he's very proud of him for that. He said he wishes him the best. Chris said Fred asked him if he's single and he did say he is but he's not going there.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he thinks that the big numbers of twitter followers doesn't really mean anything. Howard said it really is a big deal. Robin said even if there's just a third of them interacting it's still huge.
Howard said 5 years ago they had Cocktober and they had Richard and Sal have a sword fight with their penises. He said they whipped each other with their penises with paint on them and that's how they judged who won. Howard played a clip from back then when they went at it with their sword fight.
Howard said that event replaced fencing in the 2024 Olympics. Howard said then they had Richard and Sal play Cocktionary. He said they had Michael Rapaport there to and he had to guess what they were painting. He said Richard won so he got to paint Sal's head with his cock. Howard said this is a clip of Richard winning and Sal on his knees getting painted. He played the clip and Sal was freaking out when he got hit in the mouth with Richard's cock.
Howard said Richard is 100 percent straight but he put his penis in Sal's mouth. Howard said they feared that this might end when Jennifer Witz took over. He said she demanded that they continue it though.
Howard said they had Sal play a game where he had people guess what he had shoved in his pouch. He said they played it in 2007 with George Takei. He played a clip from that day.
Howard said this is why we love Cocktober. He said he has another great memory. He said this is where Sarah Silverman came in and smelled Richard's balls. Howard played a clip from that day when Sarah dry heaved after smelling Richard.
Howard said they're celebrating 5 years of Cocktober. He said this is a phony phone call to a Swap Shop show and they got the host to say ''Cawktober'' and more. Howard played the clip and they had the host saying ''Cawktober'' in a birthday wish. Then Richard called in with a lot of cock references in fake names. The host read more fake names and had no idea what he was reading.
Howard said Richard and Sal will be competing in a Dick-Cathalon later this month. He said Sal backed out of a penis docking bit with Richard. He said the found something he didn't want to do but Richard did. Howard asked Sal why he didn't want to do it. Sal said it's where he would take his foreskin and wrap it around Richard's penis head. He said they would be one long rod. He said his dick lips would be kissing Richard's dick lips. Richard asked what his problem is with it. Sal said ''You!'' Richard said he'll shower. Howard said it sounds like one of those Chinese finger trap things. Sal said here are things that Richard won't do too. He mentioned something about swabbing his cock and shoving the cotton up Richard's nose. Howard said these all sound like fun ideas. He said Sal always has fun ideas. He said he feels Cocktober never would have become a thing if it wasn't for these guys. He said they're usually 95 percent of it.
Robin asked what it means that Sal doesn't want to do this. Sal said it's too intimate. He said his cock would be trapped. Richard said he thinks he's afraid of chubbing up. Howard said he might get a boner if they do that. Sal said he wouldn't get a boner. Howard said it must feel good. Richard said that's what Sal is worried about. Sal said if Richard is so into this then maybe he's gay. Richard said not at all. He said Sal is the one who will have the boner. Howard said Richard will be soft and Sal will get hard.
Howard said one Cocktober Benjy jerked them off and Richard got hard and Sal did not. He said Richard did chub up a little bit.
Howard said they have Medicated Pete coming on to sing into his own penis. He said he will use his penis as a microphone. Howard said they have a bunch of other segments they'll be doing for Cocktober. He said they may even have some celebrity competition. He said they will have two dudes who want to compete in it. Richard said the Party Bros want to compete against them. Howard said they say they're better than Richard sand Sal and the want to compete.
Howard said they also have a special embedded with Sal who went to a nude beach with Medicated Pete. He said Pete asked people to evaluate his penis.
Jason said that he got a note last night saying the Party Bros backed out. Memet said he was the one dealing with them. He said they were super excited about it at first. He said then he thinks they thought about it for about a week or two and maybe their manager got to them. He said they decided to back out. Howard said maybe Eric Andre would do it. Richard and Sal said that would be great. Howard said he may have to reach out to Eric about that.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Dan Rather who was at Buckingham Palace where they were doing a Cocktober thing with King Charles. Howard thanked him for that and quickly let him go.
Howard had fake Jennifer Witz on the phone to comment on all of this. Fake Jennifer said she's demanding that every channel celebrate Cocktober. Howard said everyone loves Cocktober. He said they'll get to these segments this month. He played the segment off with the song parody they played at the beginning.
Howard said High Pitch Erik is on the phone to comment on this. He took Erik's call and Erik asked if they want any judges for Cocktober. Howard said they're looking for participants. Erik said he'd do stuff if Howard wants him to. Robin said you need to have a cock to do it. Howard said that's not very nice. Erik said he'll have a hard cock when Debbie is up there. He said he'd team up with Eric Andre too. Howard said he'd have to play a few games. Erik said he'd do that. they explained the game penis fishing to him and Erik said he'd do that. He said he'd have to pull his penis out like he does when he pees. He said he has to pull it out to pee. Howard asked if he sits or stands when he pees. Erik said he stands. He said he has to pull it out with his hand. Howard asked for details. Erik went through the process of how he pulls his small penis out to pee.
Memet said he has to correct them on the penis fishing. He said Sal's penis will have a magnet in the pouch and then Richard has a fish magnet in his ass that Sal will be trying to pick up. That was news to Richard and Sal. Memet said they're going to have some R&D going on Monday.
Howard asked if Erik could play that. Erik said absolutely. Howard asked if Erik would be upset if Eric Andre's penis ended up in his ass. Erik said he thinks he will fail. Robin said you want to win so you don't want him to fail. Erik said if he has a bigger cock he thinks they'll win the contest. The guys said Eric may have to go deep into Erik's ass to get the fish out. Erik said not his ass. Howard said his ass is like the Atlantic ocean. Sal said they'll need the Coast Guard to find that fish. He said Erik is at the magnet shop now.
Howard said he may have to be in the studio for this. He said he may have to go into the studio.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Michael Caine who was looking to be part of this Cocktober stuff. He claimed to have learned cock fighting with Errol Flynn. Howard said he can see Erik being very good at this.
Robin asked what the golf is going to be like. Memet said one of the guys will have a golf club on their penis and the other guy will be on the floor with a golf ball on their balls and the guy has to hit it. Howard said he's thinking that they could have Richard's ass be the hole and Sal has to get the ball in there. The guys were coming up with ideas for how to make it work.
Howard said Eric Andre might be too big for this. He said that he's doing credit card commercials now.
Howard asked Erik if he can do the golf thing. Erik said he thinks he could do that if he had a hard cock. Howard said maybe just skip the golf club and he and Eric Andre can just fuck. Erik said he'd have to get really hard for him. Howard said how about a donut thing where Erik has to fill Eric's donut asshole with his cream. He said Eric's asshole is the donut and Erik has to glaze the donut with his jizz. Erik said aww fuck. He said he might be able to do that. Howard said they can hang pictures of Donnie Wahlberg and John Stamos on the wall for him to stare at.
Howard asked Erik why doing phone commercials would make it difficult for Eric Andre to get hard. He had just said that. Erik said that he hasn't had a blow job from Debbie like he has. Howard said that makes no sense. Robin said Howard is trying to understand Erik. Howard said that has nothing to do with Eric Andre. Erik said he's an expert with Debbie and he might be able to get hard. He said if Donnie is there he'll get really hard.
Howard said Debbie the Cum Lady wants to blow Erik really bad. Sal said she's working on her deep voice and she thinks that if she sounds like Donnie that she might be able to get Erik to cum. Howard said she's also willing to dress like a man. Erik said okay. Sal said she bought a wig and a beard too. He said she's dead serious. Howard played a clip of Debbie doing the manly voice. Howard asked if that gets Erik excited. Erik said it does. He said he told her that he wants her to wear a Donnie Wahlberg mask.
Howard said the Party Bros have backed out but they have a lot of things for the guys to do for Cocktober. He played a song
Howard said some people were happy to hear he returned to the real world when he went out to dinner. He read through some of that feedback. Fans were happy to hear he was out again. Howard said he may not happen for a long time again. Robin said if you go out again quickly it won't be so hard. She said if you wait it's going to be harder and harder to go out. Robin said he has to be a little social. Howard said he was deceived by being told that he was eating outside. Robin said he has to be the one in charge then. Howard said he will have everyone tested. He said it's not going to happen.
Howard said someone asked who paid that night. He said he will tell you the truth. He said Jimmy is a gentleman. He said he paid up front. He said that crowd was eating and drinking up a storm so he can't imagine what he paid. He said he offered to pay but Jimmy refused. He said he can't imagine what Jimmy had to pay. He said there were 13 people and they ate forever. He said it was Israeli food that was very good.
Howard said they had this build your own meal thing and he was kind of freaked out by that. He said there was a lot of contact going on there. He said Beth was happy though. He said he thinks he got off lucky and didn't get sick. He said they have 400 reported deaths daily and that's twice as many as a bad flu season. He said one guest told him he had COVID and it was nothing but you don't know what it's going to be like for other people. Howard said he was glad that Jimmy jumped in and told him that. Howard said he's not out of the woods yet though. He said symptoms can start 2-14 days after exposure.
Howard read through some more fan feedback about The Struts and other things that Howard didn't really get into. He said people are writing him about Greta Van Fleet, Ass Napkin Ed sounding like Jeffrey Dahmer on Netflix. Howard did the comparison again with Ed and the actor playing Dahmer.
Howard said there is a similar vibe there. Howard said people like hearing Ass Napkin Ed. He said they liked his last phone call. He read some feedback about that. Howard said Ed is a piece of work.
Howard said that Hugh Jackman was on the show and he said that he was done playing Wolverine. He said he told them that if he was going to play Wolverine again he'd come on the show and tell them. He played a clip from an interview Hugh did on the show not too long ago. Hugh said that he was done playing Wolverine but if he decided to do it again he would come on the show and tell them.
Howard said Hugh changed his mind but he didn't tell them. He said he is reprising his role as Wolverine and he will be in Deadpool 3 with Ryan Reynolds. Howard said someone wrote in about that reminding them about what he said.
Howard played the clip and Bubba was out there reporting on the weather as the drove through the storm. They were in 65 mile per hour wind. The Merch Crick sounded concerned but Bubba didn't sound worried. No one was on the road according to Bubba.
Howard said you know Bubba has good judgment. He said he came across a news crew and he had Merch Crick get out and yell out ''Bubba Army!'' to the news crew. Howard played some audio of that. Bubba said that she didn't say Bubba Army enough but she did a good job. They were on Mexican TV. Bubba said she should have flashed her tits.
Howard said he loves Bubba giving legal advice. He old her that flashing her tits wouldn't have gotten her arrested. Howard said it's a good idea to call her Merch Crick because you just get another girlfriend and call her the same name.
Howard had fake Bubba on the phone to talk about that clip. Fake Bubba was talking about that experience out there and how he was doing the DoorDash thing when they were out there. Bubba invited Howard down to Tampa to go out with him to the Doll House. Howard said he's not interested in that.
Howard said Bobo is down there in Florida too. He said he was all freaked out by the hurricane. Howard played a clip of Bobo talking about his special scanner he has that goes off in bad weather. Howard said he has to get one of those so they can warn everyone a boring sorry is about to happen. He said it's the boring story alarm. He laughed at the siren that was going off in the background. Howard said it would be great if that was a moron detector sound. Fred played a similar sound and did his Bobo Puppet thing.
Howard took a call from Bobo and said he's a funny guy saying he didn't go outside even though he did like 5 things. Bobo said he has to thank the workers down there who are getting power restored to them. He said he didn't make out too bad there. He said he lost power for like a day and a half. He said he was lucky. Howard said that's the bottom line. Bobo said he thought it was going to be bad. He said he heard about 135 mile per hour winds and stuff. Howard talked to Bobo Puppet instead of Bobo saying that he'd rather talk to the puppet.
Howard said Bobo was afraid he was going to be picked up by the winds and dropped in where alligators were. Howard played a clip of Bobo talking to one of the guys about what he was afraid of down there. Bobo said he hates heights and he was afraid he'd end up getting eaten by alligators.
Bobo said he was afraid because he lives near a big lake and there are thousands of gators in there. Howard did his Bobo impression and had him worried about getting raped by a Manatee down there. Bobo Puppet said what if a water moccasin went up his asshole. Howard and Fred did their Bobo impressions and goofed on him for a few.
Howard said it's kind of weird to have a fear like that. Bobo said that is one fear he has. Howard said it's a pretty wild thing to think about. Howard made up more things Bobo could be afraid of as he did his Bobo impression.
Howard and Fred went on and on making things up for Bobo to be afraid of. They were making up stories like Bobo being picked up by a walrus and having his wallet stolen. They made up a story about a crocodile dressing up like an alligator and breaking into his house.
Howard said it's scary to go through a hurricane but the fear he has is really wild. He said being picked up by a tornado and being put into an alligator's mouth is wild.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's in Ft. Lauderdale and he watched the storm go through and they were never even in the cone of this thing. He said he's close to where Bobo is. He said they were never at risk. He said there are no alligators in Boca. He said they removed them. Bobo said they have them in Orlando. He asked what that alarm is. He said this guy is crazy.
Howard said Bobo goes completely insane in anything like this. The caller said his sister was freaking out about this storm when she lost power and she had no damage to the house. He said she just lost power for a little while. He said what happened to the people down there is horrible but they made out okay where they live. He said the newer houses don't get sucked away like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.
Howard thanked them for the updates and let the caller and Bobo go. Bobo Puppet said he thinks that caller was an alligator in disguise. Bobo said things were okay down there in Orlando.
Howard said this caller lives near Bobo. He took the call and the guy said they didn't get a lot but they had a lot of rain. He said that was about it. Howard said Bobo was calling them during the storm and he thought he was going to get taken by a tornado. He said he was getting nuts.
Howard said he's glad the got to everything today. Howard did a live commercial read and ended the show around 10:20am.
Howard said he's been listening to this kid Matt Friend do an impression of him and he thinks he's on to something. He said he thinks it's fucking him up. He said he has this quality and he thinks it's really fucking him up. He said he hears his impressionist.
Howard played Matt's impression of him and he did sound a little bit like Howard. The guy said he's 23 years old in the clip. Robin said he does this thing that Howard does. Howard said he does and when he does it he has a giant afro on and sunglasses. Howard said he somehow knows Jimmy Fallon and he interviewed him. He played another clip where Matt was doing this impression with Fallon.
Robin said the impression goes off and he sounds like someone else. Howard said it's kind of like Al Michaels. Howard said this is Matt with John Stamos and interviewing him as Howard. He didn't sound that much like Howard in that one. Howard started doing an impression of the impression.
Howard said good for that guy. He said he went on the Today Show and no one knew what he was doing. Howard played the clip where Matt did his Howard voice and no one could figure it out.
Howard said he has Matt on the phone. He took the call and Matt was on the line doing the impression but it was more like Alan Alda. Howard started to go into the impression himself. Howard did some of the same things for him.
Howard said Matt does a bunch of voices. He said he does Andy Cohen too. Matt went into his Andy impression. Howard asked fake Andy questions and he answered as Andy.
Howard said he has another dude on the phone who does him. He took the call and they had a guy doing a really bad impression of Howard. Howard said no one did an impression of him for years and now everyone is doing it. Matt said when he does Howard it sounds like a baseball announcer doing Howard.
Howard said he thinks a lot of guys have tried to do him and they haven't had any success. He said that Matt is picking up something though and he finds himself falling into it. Matt asked whose leg he has to hump to do this with him. Matt said it's a whole other layer when he does the wig and glasses. He said people say that he's doing the 90s version of Howard but he doesn't give a shit.
Howard asked Matt how he got on Fallon. Matt said they found him on social media. He said with Stamos he did a TikTok and he replied.
Howard asked Matt if he's making a living doing this. Matt said he is. Howard asked how old he is. Matt said he's 24. He said he's been doing the impressions since he was like 4. He said Howard is one step away from Alan Alda. He did some of that voice. Robin said the impressionists can hear that and change that register and it is that person. Howard said Matt has something going there. He said he is impressed with the impression. He said he kind of hears it.
Matt said that's a relief. He said he thought Howard was going to say he was so bad. He was still doing the impression. Howard said what he has to do is do a video with Robin. He was doing an impression of Matt's impression. Howard said he's doing the Howard Stern impression.
Matt went into his Andy Cohen impression again. He said that he listens to the show and he loves hearing the impressions there. He said he can do a Trump impression. He said he can ask him a question as Trump.
Howard asked fake Trump how big his penis is. Matt did his Trump impression and answered saying that he talks about John Hamm's penis a lot. He said that his penis is like the size of a Shure SMB microphone. Howard asked fake Trump what the best document is that he stole. Fake Trump told him the documents he took for his renewal at SiriusXM.
Howard said he should have him call Beth as him and see if the can fool her. Fake Howard said he would love to do that. He said they can call Jimmy Kimmel too. Howard said they'll call Robin and Fred and his wife too. He said he'll win prizes for anyone he fools.
Howard asked if he can go take care of his mother. He said maybe he can fool her. He said that they have to call people who kind of know him. He said maybe they call another station as him. He said Sam Kinison's brother used to do interviews for Sam. He said he would call into stations and do the interviews. Howard said Sam's brother was really good at it. He said there are thousands of tapes out there with Bill doing the Sam thing.
Howard said the can have Matt call people and see if he can fool them. Matt said that would be unbelievable. He said he would love to do it. Howard said he'll give him a test now. Howard asked if he knows Wendy the Slow Adult. Matt said yes. Howard said he might be able to fool her. Robin said a monkey could fool her.
Howard said that's a good way to start out. He said they can try to fool her. Robin said she hopes he gets though this. Howard said he thinks the impression is solid.
Howard tried to get Wendy on the phone. He said the guys said that she may not be up before noon.
Matt said he'd love to do it some other time. He said that he really loved Howard's book. He did some material about Jimmy and David Letterman. He said he's been working on the impression and he appreciates the feedback. Howard said he thinks he's come the closest to his real voice. He said he's seen him with the wig and all. He said they're going to figure this out with Wendy.
Howard said he has Tan Mom on the line. He said that he can try to fool her. He said he'll talk to Tan Mom and pass it off to Matt. Howard said he can tell her she's hot and all of that. Matt said he's ready but he's nervous and shitting his pants. Howard said see if he can do a minute or two.
Howard said he thinks Matt has it down. He was doing an impression of his impression which was just a little bit off. Howard asked the guys what's going on. Will said they're working on it and they may have to call her. He said give them 30 more seconds.
Robin said he had better be able to get through this one. Howard said they're starting out easy and getting more difficult. He said he thinks they can get past her.
Howard asked if Matt can yell at Baba Booey for not getting Tan Mom on the line. Matt did his impression and went off on Gary over this screw up. Howard said he's not seeing Tan Mom. He said doing things on the fly is tough. He asked if he should bail. Will said that Bigfoot is up if he wants to try that. Howard said they'll try that.
Howard took Bigfoot's call and passed it along to Matt who did his impression for him and asked a few questions about John Hamm's penis and how does Bigfoot's penis looks these days. Bigfoot said it's average. He wasn't very chatty today. Matt tried to get some information out of him and asked him if he had anything in his past that he wanted to repent for. Bigfoot said nothing really. Robin said she's ashamed of this conversation.
Matt tried to do the interview and asked if there was anything that he would want to fuck and what it would be. Bigfoot said something about driving his white Caddy around.
Howard interrupted and told Bigfoot that the guy doing the impression was Matt Friend. Bigfoot said he didn't know.
Howard said on the phone is Tan Mom. He took her call and let Matt take over. Matt did his impression and asked Tan Mom a few questions as Howard. He asked her about Jimmy Kimmel's breath and what she thinks it smells like. Tan Mom said he smells fine. Matt kept going with that and asked if Tan Mom has any issues with Jimmy. Tan Mom said she did in the past but she got nervous in front of him and shouldn't have done what she did.
Matt asked if she would want to talk to Jimmy if he was on the phone now. Howard cut that off and asked if Tan Mom thought that was really him. Tan Mom said that she knew it wasn't him. Howard said back to the drawing board then. He said he thought Matt did a good job. He said he thought he sounded like him.
Howard said Tan Mom went along with it. Tan Mom said she knew it wasn't him. Matt said he thinks she's just covering her tracks. Robin asked if this is Robin. Tan Mom said it sounds like Robin.
Howard said Matt does an impression and he fooled one out of two slow adults. He said good job Matt. He asked where they can see him work. Matt said he's at @TheMattFriend on Instagram. He said he'll be doing Howard in his act that he's doing on November 10th. Howard said Tan Mom was a good sport this morning.
Matt thanked a few people for being their greatest friends. Howard let Matt go and said he thinks he has a quality there. Robin said there are moments where he does capture him very well. She said that he was good on the Today Show. Howard said that was a good experiment.
Howard said he figured this guy had a lot of pressure on him because he only had a few games to do this. Gary said he tied the record like 7 or 8 games ago. He said he's glad he got it before the end of the season. He said that it was looking like he wasn't going to do it.
Howard said there's a lot of speculation about what they may have to pay the guy now. Howard said baseball is weird. He said he has nowhere else to go to play so whatever he's worth he won't get. He said he'll get paid a lot of money but not what he's really worth. He said the advertising dollars he's bringing in is amazing. He said they're making a lot of money off of this. He said they'll never pay him what he's worth. Gary said he had a contract year and they offered him a lot of money at the start of the season. He said he turned it down and he said he'd see how it turns out. He said this will be big for him.
Howard asked Gary what they offered him. Gary and Jon gave Howard some information on what he'll probably be making. The number was around 50 million.
Howard said imagine they offer you a deal like 35 million and you turn it down. He said that takes a lot of balls.
Howard said football is tougher because you will be injured for sure in that game. Robin said there are guys who go out and get injured and then go out and play and they end up injured again. Jon said they don't have guaranteed contacts either. Howard said he didn't know that. He said if you're injured you might be done. Howard said that's the most fucked up thing he has ever heard.
Howard said he talked to Jon Bon Jovi about buying a football team. He said he asked why he would want to own a team of gladiators who will get concussions and stuff like that. Robin said the want to do this.
Gary said that Tom was on the show and talked about how they were having a good marriage. He said he thinks it went south when he retired and then changed his mind. Howard said she married a guy in football. He said lets say she felt misled by the retirement. He said he could retire and change his mind. He asked if a woman falls out of love with someone like that. Gary said if you make plans it's more than just changing your mind. He said he's been reading about it and they were making plans and Tom just changed his mind and he may not have let her in on the decision.
Robin said she was thinking about Roger Federer talking about his wife and how she could have gotten him out of it years before but she knew that he loved what he did.
Jon said that Tom did talk about it with Howard. He said that Gisele knows Tom more than anyone else. He said he lives and breathes football. He said even if he said he was leaving she had to know that he wanted to be on the field. Robin said he would be giving up something huge for him.
Howard asked if there's something more to it. Jon said he thinks there could be. He said Tom has a gig with FOX as an announcer when he does retire. He said he thinks Gisele knows what the deal is. He said he understands her frustration.
Howard said he has private conversations with Beth and he says he's had it. He said he doesn't want to do this anymore. He said Beth will tell him he'd be miserable not working. He said she tells him to stay in it. He said she thinks he'll be a wreck if he stops working. He said he thinks he'll be fine though. Gary said this isn't a physical game though.
Howard said maybe Tom wants to go out and fuck more women and maybe that's what will happen. He said maybe Gisele wants to fuck Pete Davidson. He said she could end up with him. Howard said he usually has a bead on this stuff. He said he wouldn't leave the dude if he were Gisele. Robin said in an interview Gisele said that they had this plan to retire and she gave up a lot for Tom when they married. Howard said she's 45 years old and the world is different now. Robin said maybe she wants a clothing line or something. Howard said she's not going to stand in front of a camera all day. Robin said she has no idea what she wants to do. Howard said he can't imagine she wants to do that. Robin said she said she has opportunities and she wants to get back to it. She said she was the Tom Brady of her industry and she stepped off.
Jon said he got that from the article too. He said that she gave up a lot for Tom. Howard said the thing is that Tom is going to have things to do when he does retire from playing. He said he could be an announcer and work on this clothing line or whatever that is. Gary said that's more of a part time thing.
Howard said this is ridiculous. Gary asked why her passion is more than his passion. Howard said he thinks they're dying to fuck other people. He said that's a basic thing that humans are into.
Gary asked Howard what he would do if she wanted him to retire. He said Howard would do what she wanted. Howard said there's something else going on there and he thinks it's a dating fever. He said they see what's happening out there.
Howard took a call from a Gisele impersonator doing their Howard impression as Gisele. Howard let him go for a few seconds.
Howard asked Jon Hein what his theory is. Jon said Tom agreed to retire and he was going to be an announcer. He said then he decides to go back and play another year. Howard said he probably said that he can't walk away from it. He said he knows he can still play. He said that Gisele may be worried for him. He said she's not just going to walk out on him. He said she doesn't want to divorce him. Robin said this is why she brought up Roger Federer. She said that his wife was behind him no matter what he did.
Howard said he's listening to everyone and he thinks Tom is ready to play in the Super Bowl of pussy. He said he knows now what he can get. He said he wants to be king of the universe. He said his head is going to explode from all of the pussy he's going to get.
Howard asked Jon about the betting he has on who he may date next. Jon said he got notifications from this site he goes on. He said that Alessandra Ambrosio is the number 1 pick. Howard said no way. He said that he met her back stage at America's Got Talent. He said they did this bit there at America's Got Talent and faked Heidi Klum doing his hair and makeup. He said he had just given up at that point. He said they were all joking around about hair and stuff. Howard said they were fake twirling his hair. He said he saw this really hot chick there and it was this Alessandra Ambrosio. He said he heard the conversation they were having and it as just this inane thing and he didn't want to fuck either one. He said it was an amazing moment. He said he had no desire to do that at all. Robin said she wishes she had been there to witness that. Howard said he told Ralph he didn't want to fuck either one of them. He said he's the one witness.
Howard said Heidi was telling this Alessandra Ambrosio what she had to do to get followers on social media. He said that he had never heard of this woman before but 2 months later she's all over social media. He said she went to the Heidi Klum school and learned something. He said that she was all over social media. He said that Heidi knows what to do.
Howard said he Alessandra Ambrosio did her thing and now she's a star. He said that he refuses to believe that she'll get Tom Brady now though. He said he has Tom's text and he'll tell him to stop that bullshit.
Jon said that Candice Swanepoel another woman on the list. Howard said he sees her around too. Jon named a couple of other models that Tom could date. They had odds on who Tom will date next. Howard said he doesn't want to fuck a girl who fucked Tiger Woods. He said he's kind of a weirdo. He said he would think she's a weirdo too. Robin said lets go back to his history and see about that. Howard said in his mind he wouldn't want to fuck her but then he'd meet her and then he'd want to fuck her.
Howard said the greatest thing about being a celebrity is to be able to go up to a regular hot chick and pick them up. He said Trump taught him that you have to get a regular hot chick and not a famous hot chick. He said you have to get regular hot girls. He said he thinks Tom will do that. He said he'll get a regular girl who is super hot. He said it's like granting her celebrity status.
Howard said Trump doesn't know foreign policy worth shit but he does know pussy. He said he even said it. He said he grabs them by the pussy. He said what a hero.
Howard said Tom should date someone you've never heard of. He said make her famous. He said find a chick with low self esteem and date her. He said that's who you need.
Gary said he saw someone famous dating a beautiful woman and it turned out she was a hostess at a steak house in Vegas or something. Robin said Howard dated a woman from a fabric store. Howard said this woman came up to him and gave him her number but made him promise that he'd call her. He said he never called her. He said he said okay to her but he never did. He said she had to be nuts giving him her number. He said she must do that to other guys too. Howard said that's why Tom is going to go out and do that with some girl from Walmart.
Howard said one thing they know is that Tom needs a coach. He said he responds well to a coach. Jon said there are no odds for a hot cashier or a Vegas hostess.
Jon said that Bradley Cooper is on the Gisele dating list. Howard said he doesn't think that he needs that. Jon said they have Leo DiCaprio on the list too. Robin said she's way past his dating age. Howard said that Tom will be running around and going wild.
Howard asked who else is on the list. Jon said that Michael B. Jordan and Serge Brinn are on the list. Jon said they also have Riz Ahmed. Robin said she has a terrible list. JD said he has a different list that has Pete Davidson on the list. He said that's from BetOnline. He said they have Jason Mamoa and John Mayer among others. He said that list would drive Tom crazy. He said imagine if she dated Jason Mamoa. He said that dude is huge. He said he looked like he knew what he was doing when he was fucking the Khaleesi. JD threw out some more names.
Howard said he has another list and they have a zillion to one that Gisele will date Benjy.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake George Takei who was asking if he's on Tom's list. Howard said forget it. George rang his bell to get Brad in there to watch Tom Brady with him. Howard closed the door on him.
Jon said they reported that the guy who caught the home run works for an investment firm that manages billions of dollars. He said that when they try to get the ball from him they may not be able to get it because he doesn't need the money.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she didn't hear them talking about Gisele's career. Howard said they did. He said that she should be able to work on her career if she wants. Howard said he doesn't' get why they have to divorce though. He said if you want to go back to work then go back to work.
Robin said they have nannies to help out with the kids. Howard said they can both work.
Howard played a clip from an interview that Tom did on the show a couple of years ago. In the clip Tom said that Gisele agreed to take care of the house and that was a big part of the marriage. He said he had to check himself. He said she had goals and dreams too so she told him he had better take care of things at the house. He said she wasn't satisfied with the marriage. Howard said he gets it now. He said she's used to guys falling all over her. He said Tom is busy with his career. He said to be at that level you have to be self consumed. He said that's just the way it is.
Howard said this is about both of them just wanting other romances. He said it's over now. Robin said Tom never saw her as the hot commodity that she really is. Howard said now he's had it and he's out. Howard said they're both anxious for big romance.
Howard said you're only hot for a few years. He said you have to take advantage of that.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Tom can't go out into the wild to find girls. He said he needs a coach like him. Howard said get out of her. He hung up on Ralph. He said Ralph was kind of his wing man and he is the reason that he met Beth. He said call back so he can apologize. He said he's not out of line. Howard said he might need Ralph actually. Robin said maybe he needs Gronk. Howard said you want a Ralph who isn't offensive. He said he used to go out with Ralph and some guys. He said he had a pussy posse. He said his problem is that he'd go to bed at 9 or 10. He said he'd want to go out early and it was too early. He said he'd end up dating the waitress.
Howard said he wasn't good at dating. He said it happened between 5 and 9 at night. He said that was it.
Howard said Michael Rapaport has some insight. He took the call from Michael who said that DiCaprio dated Gisele years ago. He said they have 25 people working there and they don't correct him on that. He said he had her in her prime so he's not going back to that. Michael said that Tom Brady was dating some actress before Gisele. Robin said it was Bridget Monahan. Michael said Gisele stole Tom from her. He said the staff didn't come up with that either. Robin said she knew that.
Howard said he has a lot more staff than Michael says he does. Robin said that Tom does like famous women. Howard said they have it handled. Michael said they really don't. He said his crack producer might be doing shrooms during the show for all he knows. Howard told him to look into that for him. Michael said he's looking into it. Robin said he really didn't have any information for them today. Fred played the ''zero point zero'' drop.
Howard said he saw Michael on Andy Cohen's show with Erika Jayne and he was taking it easy on her. Michael said the staff is failing Howard again. Howard and Michael spent a little time talking about that. JD said that Michael has something going on with Erika. He said that he's been defending her a lot. JD and Michael got into that a bit and argued about it.
Howard said he's glad that Michael admits to watching Beverly Hills Housewives. He said he likes a guy admitting the truth. He said that guys are watching it. He said he does comment on the show and they're there to be judged. He said they're terrible people. Michael said look at the entertainment they're giving. Howard said they flaunt their wealth. Michael said Howard isn't living in a hovel. Howard said he isn't flaunting it though. He said they're really horrible people. Michael said that it's show business. He said he's not saying it's scripted but you have to give them some respect for the entertainment value.
Howard asked Michael who he thinks Gisele and Tom will date. Michael said he thinks Gisele is done and she won't be dating anyone famous. He said Tom might be done and may come up for air when he's done with football. He said he thinks he's not going to be dating young super models. He said he's like a machine. He said he doesn't think Pete Davison or one of this models is coming out of the woodwork. Howard said he thinks Tom will be dating within the next year. Michael said he's 45 years old. He said he's not going to be out there dating and microdosing shrooms like someone they know.
Howard thanked Michael for the call. He let him go after that. Howard said he tuned in to see the Andy Cohen show and saw Michael and Erika Jayne on together. He said Michael did have things to say about the show. He said he was well versed in it. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and thanked Rosie for that endorsement. He said that's Def Leppard's Photograph. He said he's in the mood to hear a song but not that one. He said he is a fan but he'd like to hear something else. The guys played Susanne Vega's ''Tom's Diner'' for him. Howard talked it up like a top 40 DJ.
Howard asked what happened to Suzanne. He said she used to do the show. He said she did this album A Cappella. He said she was too broke to hire a piano player so she did it that way. He said that some producer put it together after that. He said the song is kind of annoying but catchy.
Howard said he has so much to tell you. He said he got some bad news yesterday. He said this is a very personal thing. He said there's a guy he got his first job from at WRNW. He said the guy hired him even though he was shitty. He said Donald J. Barnett hired him. He said that he overlooked that he sucked and hired him because he didn't look like a hippy. Howard said he had a horrible radio voice but this guy hired him at WRNW. He said he was so bad and he spent about a year and a half or 2 years there. He said he didn't get much better. He said he was trying to sound like an announcer and it wasn't working.
Howard said he was there for 2 years and he had fun there. He said he made $250 a week by the end of that job. He said he got out and started to send his audition tape out. He said his audition tape was a lie because he only took the best parts of his stuff.
Howard said he saw an ad in Billboard and they had an ad for WCCC who were hiring. He said he thought he could do that. He said he sent his audition tape to WCCC. He said he sent the tape out to a couple of places and got rejected. Howard said he saw this job at WCCC and thought he could do the job. He said he called the guy who was running the station up there. He said it was Bill Nosal. He said Bill had him come in for an audition. He said he didn't know what that meant but he went up and met Bill. He said he was an intimidating guy. He said Bill was good on the air. He said Bill had him do 20 minutes in this little room they had there.
Howard said he had never done anything like that. He said he was in the room trying to get his voice deep. He was making weird noises and trying to sound deep. He said he gave Bill his tape and a few days later he still hadn't gotten a call. He said he waited for that call from Bill. He said he thought he was going nowhere. He said he's not sure how he did it but he got the guts and called Mr. Nosal. He said Bill didn't think he was for them. He said he was devastated. He said that could have been a huge jump for him to go there from WRNW. He said they were somewhere between Boston and New York. He said it was an FM rock station and that was his thing. He said they had an AM station they simulcast on too. He said he'd be on two stations.
Howard said he asked Bill if he could audition again. He said Bill agreed and had him come back up there. He said that guy was a gentleman. He said he drove back up and he was woozy from driving there. He said he had one joke prepared. He said he was talking up a record and joked that Stevie Wonder's favorite color was corduroy. He said it's amazing he got a job anywhere. He said he played a National Lampoon bit on the audition too. He said that got him the job. He said he thinks that Bill saw a diamond in the rough with him. He said no one else saw anything. He said Bill saw it.
Howard said they offered him $250 a week there. He said it was more than he deserved. He said he couldn't afford to move but Bill said he didn't know what to tell him. He said he was gong to have to stay at a hotel. He said he'd have to talk to Sy Dresner to negotiate something. He said he talked to Sy about that and he told him that he had no money. He said they agreed to give him $65 a week for his hotel to stay up there. Howard said he agreed to that. He said he was told to go to the Berlin Turnpike and he'd find something cheap there. He said that he found a place that was $65 for the week. He said the second night there a bullet came through the wall. He said it was unbelievable.
Howard said they put him on a 50,000 watt station in Hartford. He said Bill saw something in him and he got better there. He said he got so better that he got ratings and got some notice. He said he was doing bits and stuff there. He said he met Fred there. He said he was doing his voices for him there. He said Fred was a ball of talent. Fred said it was amazing that Bill let him do that. He said he was very tight about that stuff. He said Bill gave Howard his first significant job in radio. Howard asked who that is talking. Robin asked who it was too. Howard said he just got a note saying that was Fred Norris.
Howard said he met Fred there and he was the overnight guy. He said they had a lot of fun there. Robin asked how he discovered Fred did voices. Howard said he didn't recognize that he had talent right away. Fred said he may have just done them while putting away his records. Howard said it was hard doing his job there. He said he's not even sure how he did it. He said he was doing a bunch of things at once. He said that he'd be taking calls and he had to put another record on. He said he did what he had to do there. He said Fred saw him struggling. He said Fred would help him out. He said Fred had an hour or two before he had to leave from his shift. He said he needed help and Fred helped.
Howard said Fred had a good sound as a DJ. He said he was better than he was. Fred said he was making $150 a week. He said he saw how hard Howard worked so he deserved the 250. Howard asked if Fred had to audition for his job. Fred said that they had a ''god block'' and they needed someone to intro the stuff. He said he just did that and the weather. He said that was his audition. He said he had done college radio too.
Howard said this Bill Nosal was a good guy but he was tough to work for too. He said he was very strict. He said he would tell him that the station was on his shoulders. He said he'd tell him to play more southern rock and things like that. He said he'd play Marshall Tucker and Outlaws. He said he played whatever Bill wanted him to. He said then they had meetings at night. He said he was the morning man so it was tough to go to the meetings. He said that Bill was telling him what they had to do there. He said he had to give them a pep talk. Howard said they had the meeting at 6 at night. He said he'd go to Bills house and he was a lovely guy. He said without him he may not have had a radio career. He said a year later they grabbed him for Detroit. He said that Bill was a good coach and a leader.
Howard said about 6 months ago he got a call. Fred said it may have been back in January. Howard said they got a note saying that Bill wasn't feeling well and he may be checking out. Howard said he thought he was around his age. Fred said he was 79. Howard said he had to call Bill because he hadn't spoken to him in years. He said he talked to Bill sand he sounded great. He said he asked what was going on with him. He said Bill didn't know what he was talking about. He said someone told him that he wasn't doing well. He said he just told him that it was a friend. He said Bill had some cancer or something but he said he was feeling great. He said he and Bill caught up and talked for a while.
Howard said Bill told him about how they wanted him to go out to Los Angeles to program a station out there. He said that he wanted to stay in Hartford. He told Bill that you go when they ask him to move. He said that Bill said he was never leaving Hartford. He said he loved it there. Howard said Bill was very highly respected and he chose to stay in Hartford.
Howard said he would go anywhere they asked him to go. He said he had a great conversation with Bill in January. He said this weekend he was thinking about Bill. He said he wanted to check in with him again. He said he had gotten relaxed thinking he was fine. He said he got word yesterday from Fred and the guy who contacted them earlier in the year that Bill had passed. He said Gary and some other guys told him too. He said he got word that Bill died and he had to say rest in peace Bill. He said Bill had an advertising group he got into later too. He said Bill saw something in him that no one else did. He said this really affected him. Fred said that Bill gave him his first job in radio and Howard took it a step above that. Howard said he's going to revise that a bit. Howard said he gave him more than a step above.
Howard said he was affected by this and Fred must have been too. Fred said he was. He said that Bill should be in the radio hall of fame for giving Howard his first significant job. He said he should get credit for that. Howard said Bill was a fun guy too. He said he backed him up with the bits he did too. He said that when he did something that Sy Dresner didn't like Bill would back him up.
Howard played some old audio of himself from WRNW. He said that gave him the hebiejebies. Howard said rest in peace Bill. He said he has to thank him for giving him that job. He said he wouldn't have met Robin without that. Fred played the ''thank you my mistress'' drop.
Howard did his WCCC DJ talk and explained how he had to say it exactly. He said they had to do it in a specific way. Robin asked if they had to say the area they were in. Howard said they did have to say Hartford. Robin said she remembers that being a legal thing. Howard said they had such fucked up rules. He said they convinced you that the FCC would know.
Howard said he's not sure that Fred got to go to Bills house. Fred said he actually did. He said he went over and got to see his vinyl collection. He said he called Bill back in January and they picked up just where they left off. Howard said he thinks he told Fred to call Bill. Fred said that he did get word from Howard. Howard said he's annoyed that Fred got to go to Bill's house. He said what a disappointment. Howard said the met there and they have been together ever since. He thanked Bill for giving him that job again. He said he was so upset about the news. He said that this is a guy from his past. Robin said it was his personal history. Howard said it just feels weird. He said rest in peace coach. Fred played Billy Joel's ''Root Beer Rag'' because that's what Bill closed out his own show with.
The caller said he tells his therapist about it. Howard said he learned to keep that stuff to himself. The caller said if someone is having a struggle with it then they should talk about it. Howard said he has handicap plates for that small penis thing.
The caller asked if Howard has ever been called a throat tickler. Howard said his penis is weird. He said when he's hard he's over 6 inches. He said enough about his penis though.
Howard said they mentioned the start of Cocktober yesterday. He said that he has to much to get to. Robin said she heard about CrocTober. Robin said it's the brand of shoes and they're calling it CrocTober. Howard said they're going to have a lawsuit over that. He said they can have it though.
Howard said the fans wrote in about the Cocktober stuff. He said fans were looking forward to the Eric Andre stuff. He said Richard got a text from Eric after the show yesterday and Eric texted that he's throwing his cock in the ring and he's all in. He said there's something exciting. He said Richard and Sal will have some real competition.
Howard said Eric and High Pitch Erik will be competing with Sal and Richard. He said they're going to go fishing with a fishing pole taped to his cock and he'll be fishing in Erik's ass. Howard played a Cocktober song parody.
Howard said he has the chills. He said that Bill Nosal would have loved this. Howard said someone was disappointed that Sal won't dock his penis with Richard's. He said he agrees with the guy.
Howard read through some more feedback about the cock stuff. Someone wrote in about the time that Sal was hypnotized into thinking he lost his cock. He played a clip from that segment where Sal screamed when he thought his cock was gone.
Robin said that was one of the scariest moments on the show. She said she thought he was going to faint or have a heart attack. Howard said that was no bullshit either. He said Sal is no actor. He said he was terrified. Robins said he was freaking out.
Howard said everyone was writing in about how he should be in the rock and roll hall of fame. He read through some of that feedback. Howard said he never thought about being in it but Gary and Robin convinced him he should be. He said now he's pissed he's not in it. Howard said he's interested in it now.
Howard said they got a lot of comments about Ronnie and Apples. He said he won't get into it. He said it's unbelievable how much feedback it generates. He said people were on both sides. He said he won't get into it because it'll take an hour to get through it.
Howard said the fans were into the Instagram follower game. He read some feedback about that.
Howard said someone suggested they go through the same thing with the Wack Pack. Robin said she's not going to be good at this. Howard said he'll name the Wack Packers and Robin will name the one with the most. He named Bobo, Jeff the Drunk, High Pitch Erik, Tan Mom and Beetlejuice. Robin asked why so many names. Howard went through them again. Robin said she will say it's Beetlejuice. Howard said she has a high IQ. He said she's right about that. Howard asked if she has been tested for her IQ. Robin said many years ago she was. She said she was only 5 years old. Howard said he thought she was saying she had an IQ of 5.
Howard said she was right and Beetlejuice has 2.3 million followers on Instagram. He said Erik has 5000 followers. Robin said that's a big disparity. Howard said he always said that Robin was an idiot savant. He said she knows a lot about idiots.
Howard asked who has more, Mariann from Brooklyn or Tan Mom. Robin said she'll say it's Tan Mom. Howard said Tan Mom has 10,800 and Mariann has over 45,000.
Howard said Bobo and Jeff the Drunk are next. Robin said she's thinking about who is disliked more. She said that Jeff has a lot of followers who send him stuff. She said she's going to say it's Jeff. Howard said she's wrong again. He said Bobo has way more. He said Bobo has 3615 and Jeff only has 890. Robin said that's crazy.
Howard took a call from Jeff who said on Twitter he has 61,000. Howard said he's talking about Instagram right now. Jeff said he just got kicked off. Howard asked if it was a dick pic. Jeff said it was Bitcoin. Howard said he's curious. He asked what happened. Jeff said they scammed him. He said they took his account. He said they won't give it back. Howard said one of the reasons he thinks he has no following is because no one knows what the fuck he's talking about. Howard asked if Bitcoin stole his account. Jeff said they still send out stuff. Howard said this guy can tell a story. He said it's hard to believe no one is following him. He said he's saying that Bitcoin scammed him. He said that if they were going to hack someone they would have hacked someone with money. Jeff said they think he's rich. Robin asked what he's talking about. Howard said she has to stop saying what like she doesn't know what he's talking about.
Jeff said they said he had a new car and a condo because of Bitcoin. Jeff said he doesn't even drive. Howard asked why they would say that. Jeff said they say he earned all of his money through Bitcoin. Howard thanked Jeff for the update.
Chris asked if he wants him to explain. Howard said he's happy with this explanation. Jeff said he wanted to sing a Loretta Lynn song because she passed away. Robin told him to sing away on one of his social media platforms. Howard let Jeff do a tribute to Loretta Lynn. Jeff went into one of her songs.
Howard said that was a beautiful tribute. Jeff was still singing. Howard said thank you again. Jeff kept going. Howard hung up and asked when he's going to realize he hung up on him. Howard said he called Jeff Shitty Nelson.
Howard said he was watching this Hershel Walker thing and he's blown away by the republican party and what it's become. He said it's a close race and that's insane to him that Walker is getting people to vote for him. Howard said this guy has been caught in so many lies lately and he's only off by 2 percentage points in the polls. He said there's a lot going on there and people still want to vote for him. He said this woman even said that she had an abortion paid for by Hershel Walker.
Howard said Walker went on Hannity last night and he's not sure about this. He said Hannity is a bright guy and he must see through this. He said he knows this guy isn't good for the party. He said he did his show years ago. He said he can't believe he would support this guy. He said maybe he doesn't. Robin said he supported Trump so that's all she needs to know. Howard played a clip from that interview.
Howard said almost immediately after the story came out one of Hershel Walker's sons was ranting against his father. He said he did this scathing video against his dad. Howard played some audio of that rant. His son was talking about how his father was absent and wasn't in the house raising the kids. He said he was out with other women and he's not a family values person. He said everything with his father is a lie.
Howard said it's crazy what's going on out there. He said he heard Hershel talking about the theory of evolution and he was in the whole ''why are there still apes if we came from apes'' thing. He said it's crazy stuff. Howard played some audio of Hershel asking why there are still apes if we came from apes.
Howard said he sounds like a dude who played football with one of those old time leather helmets. He said he doesn't think this guy has the mental capacity to make decisions for his state. He said he just doesn't get it. Robin said the people in the streets there were saying they were going to vote for him even with all of the new allegations. She said they're used to his lying so much that they're still going to vote for him.
Howard said he's not anti republican but he doesn't recognize the party anymore. He said he's not sure how they can endorse a guy like this. He said he just doesn't get it. He said if a guy asks about gravity and how you explain balloons it's just crazy talk. He said there are people willing to overlook crazy talk. He doesn't get it. Robin said it's all about the abortion ban.
Howard said he loves chess and he's not sure what's going on with this whole thing. He said Magnus Carlsen was beat by this kid Hans Niemann. He said he's being accused of cheating. He said that this company Chess.com came out and said they think he was cheating but the have a conflict of interest because they work with Magnus Carlsen. He said this Chess.com claims that Hans has cheated 100 times. He said it's a horrible thing if they take it away if he did actually cheat. He said it's horrible if he cheated but if he won by not cheating that's horrible because people think he cheated.
Howard said imagine what the rematch would be like. He said they should do that. He said that they can have a six game sudden death thing.
Howard said that there's a cheating scandal in poker too. Howard said there's this woman Robby Lou who went up against another player and she goes all in with jack high. He said she went all in and this guy Garrett is accusing her of cheating. Howard said she's an amateur. He said that this guy says he's a pro and he's accusing her of cheating. Howard said he can't figure this out. He said even the announcer was shocked. Howard played a clip from the game where the announcer was talking about what was going on and he wondered what she was thinking there.
Howard said she won with nothing but a jack high. He said the players were going nuts. He said this Garrett guy just stared at her. He said just listen to this. He played another clip of the announcer saying he's speechless. He said usually Garrett would be congratulating her. He said he had a very disturbing look on his face. Robby said that he did this to her a few times. Robin said she's not sure what even happened there. Howard said she had a Jack in her suit. He said she had the higher Jack. He told Robin not to play poker.
Howard said the latest cheating scandal is this fishing competition. He said this is no joke. He said the pro fishing world is reeling from this scandal. He said they had this competition in Ohio and two of the competitors were stuffing their fish with weights and more fish to get a better weigh in. Howard said the fish weighed over 34 pounds. He said these guys were so stupid that they shoved too much into the fish. Howard said the four fish can't weigh that much. He said there was a $30,000 grand prize. He said you can't do that. Howard said four fish that size would weigh about 20 pounds. Howard said it was all caught on camera. Howard played a clip where the officials found the weights in the fish and started freaking out. They said they were going to call the cops on them. There were people calling them names and accusing them of doing it for years.
Howard said people weren't this angry on January 6th. He said they were screaming to call the police. Robin said at least they got to the bottom of that quickly. She said the chess thing is dragging out.
Howard said he used to feel bad for the fist when he fished. He said now these poor fish were killed for sport and now the win is meaningless. He said the guys were disqualified and turned over to the police for theft. Howard said at least they can cut open the fish and find the wights. He said they can't cut open Hans Niemann.
The caller said that Jann Wenner is a genius and he had to say that he thinks that he has so many things going on that he can't get the words out. He said you see when he talks he goes on to the next sentence before he's done with the current. Howard said his brain is working faster than his mouth can work. Howard said this caller has a lot of theories. He said he likes it. He asked what he does for a living. The caller said he's a roofer. Howard said it's hard to believe. He said JD talks like that too. He said he must be a genius too. The caller said he might be an idiot savant. He said there's a bit of Rain Man going on in there.
The caller said that he can relate to Howard a lot. He said that he grew up in a similar background. Howard said he loves this guy but hearing his whole life story is too much. He said he would love to hear about his life but not today. He let him go after that.
Howard said he talked about that movie that Mary McCormack's husband made. He said he thought Netflix would have picked it up. He said he hasn't heard anything yet. Robin said no one is listening to him.
Howard took a call from fake Robby Lou who said she wasn't cheating. She was getting vibrated to orgasm. Howard said that wasn't funny because he had to explain what was going on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's all for Howard getting into the rock hall of fame. He said they should have The Losers play there. Howard said he has to have some real big shots induct him. He said that's what you have to do.
Howard said he thinks he handed Bon Jovi something at the induction but he doesn't remember. Gary said he did. He said it was an award. Howard said he doesn't remember holding that award. He said Gary says he gave him one. Gary said he just knows what it looks like. Robin said there is a hand off. Howard said he doesn't remember a thing about it. He said he just knows he wasn't at home. The caller said he was in Cleveland. Howard said Cleveland is nice. He said they were good to him there. He said there were times they were snowed in there and he went to strip clubs. He said they had good times there.
Howard said he's a disaster at strip clubs. He said he gets a boner at anything. Robin said the say that men are hormonal all the time and women are once a month. Howard said they really are. He said there's only so much you can take. He said it hurts after a while.
Howard said they once put Gary on stage and he had a boner. He said it looked like he just crawled out of the sea. He said Gary said he couldn't help it. Gar said he should have worn looser pants. Howard said they should have been tighter to hold that thing down. Gary said he was holding a microphone while two women were going down on each other. Robin said there was one time he was holding a limbo stick and the girls were going under it and Gary had a boner there. Gary said he doesn't remember that but he won't deny it either.
Howard said no one is hornier than Ronnie is. Gary said his never stops. Howard said Ronnie is at a level that's out of control. He said he's horny but Ronnie is embarrassingly horny.
Robin said Gary and Mary heard Ronnie and Stephanie having sex once. Howard said it's even more pervy than that. He said you put him in a strip club and he takes to the role of being the fake owner of the club and he's ordering the girls around. He said he's wild. He said his whole hobby is girls. He said he loves being on Twitter with the girls. He said he has to control that a little bit.
Howard asked if Ronnie has anything but girls in his head. Gary said it's non stop. He said they did an appearance in Miami years ago and Ronnie took over to get the girls to do stuff and they just listened to him.
Howard said this is what he thinks is in Ronnie's head all day. He did a thing where he kept saying pussy and cunt over and over and then he got hungry and thought about NASCAR a little bit. He went on and on thinking about pussy and then some alcohol and then a meal.
Howard had Ronnie go to sleep after watching some TV and then he wakes up in the morning thinking about ass play. He said that's what's going on in his head. Ronnie agreed there is a lot of that in his head. He said there's a lot of little videos he pops on too. He said he'll go on Twitter and watch girls. Howard played a song the guys put together with Ronnie clips where they had him talking about cunt a lot. They played a clip of Ronnie ordering girls around at a club. They had another song to the tune of Baby Shark that they had Ronnie saying ''We love cunt'' to.
Howard said that's his man Ronnie right there. Robin asked if Ronnie gives himself a little shot with the videos of girls. Ronnie said he cold do that if he thinks about girls. He said he'll just tune right into them. Ronnie had a little clip up and playing within a second. He said there's a lot of clips like that out there. Howard said he only watches if he's going to rub one out. Ronnie said you just check it out for a couple of seconds and move on. He said you're just checking them out. He said you keep them in your head and then go to sleep and take it out on your lady. Howard said it's like microdosing porn all day. Ronnie said it's not all day.
Howard said he's going to try to read Ronnie's mind right now. He said what he's getting right now is gash, weed, slit, dildo, twat, cunt lips, bite size twat. Ronnie said that's not it. Howard did it again and guessed it was similar things. He had cunt, tits, Kurt Busch and things like that. Ronnie said he does come into it at times. Howard said he bets he's thinking about giant tits. Ronnie said he doesn't like giant tits. Howard said that's what he's getting. He said he's getting blow jobs and butt hole too. Howard said he's getting Apples too. Ronnie said no dude.
Howard said now he's getting rim job and 69 and reverse cow girl. Ronnie said he can leave the reverse cowgirl out. Howard said he's getting ass cheeks. He said he's getting helicopters too. He said petcock, squirt, facials... He said it's amazing.
Howard did it one more time and had Ronnie thinking about Jason Statham and Mambo among the ass and tits stuff.
Howard took a call from a woman who he said sounds sexy to him. Tina said she called last year and offered to have a threesome with Ronnie and his fiancee. Ronnie said he remembers that. Howard said of course he does. Howard asked if she wasn't his type. Tina said her husband or fiancee likes to watch. Ronnie said that's why she shut it down. He said he remembers now.
Howard asked if Tina was hot. Ronnie said she was. Howard asked if she can send a picture. Tina said she would have to pull the phone away to do that. She said she looks like a young Kirstie Alley. She said that she has an amazing ass. She said she has nice sized boobs too. Howard said he likes her confidence.
Howard said at one point in the clip of Ronnie talking to the girls he tells one to get up on the wall. Ronnie explained that they were posing against the wall. He said that Jason was there and he would know. Jason said he was there taking pictures and Ronnie was posing everyone. Howard said he is a character. He said he knows how to do it. He said he's a confident guy.
Howard said he likes Tina's attitude. He said she knows she has a great ass. Howard asked if it doesn't have hair on it. Tina said not at all. She said she was thinking of opening an Instagram with just ass pictures. She said she has a lot of pictures just for that. She said she has posted a lot without showing her face. She said Ronnie gave her that idea. Howard said he takes it she doesn't have hemorrhoids or anything. Tina said not at all.
Howard said he'd follow her. Howard asked why not titties too. Tina said that's too personal to put out there. She said she has amazing tits and they're real. She said her nipples go straight and they're big. She said they're not too big though. She said putting her tits out is too personal. She said she likes being covered up.
Howard asked what's better, the ass or tits. Tina said she would say her ass. She said she has always wanted to have really small boobs but men love her boobs. She said her ass is really good. Ronnie asked how big her boobs are. She said they're a 34 DD or a DDD. Howard asked if she's fasting for Yom Kippur. Tina asked if he's saying she's fat. Howard said not at all. Howard played a song parody with Ronnie singing about wet cunt.
Howard said that's Tina would want her fiancee to watch. Tina said that if it was up t him he would want to do that. Ronnie asked what he gets out of it. He asked if it bothers him. Tina said not at all. She said that it's the after effects of dominating her. Ronnie asked if he's afraid that one of these guys is going to make her scream through the roof. He said this is crazy. Tina said that he has a big dick and he wants to see her with someone with a really big dick. She said a small penis to him isn't going to do anything for him.
Howard asked how many times they have had someone watch. She said maybe 8-10 times. Howard said he thinks someone who wants that is gay. Ronnie said that he can't deal with that. He said it's not happening.
Howard asked how many times they have sex a week. Tina said every day. She said that they have picked up people in bars and stuff. She said that her fiancee is the one who picks the guys. Howard asked Chris Wilding if the boyfriend is gay. Chris said if he cares about the size of the penis he would think so. Tina said he is bisexual. Howard said he calls bi ''gay.'' He asked if Chris agrees. Chris said he thinks there is such a thing as bi but he thinks that a gay man who doesn't want to go full throttle.
Howard said he wants to see a picture of this woman. He said bi to him means bye to pussy. He said he has to meet this guy. He asked Tina to send a picture now. Tina said she'll have a shirt on. Howard said he and Ronnie will judge it.
Howard asked Jason where to send this. Howard said they had that Natalie on the phone and Ham Hands Bill wants to have sex with her. He had a clip of him talking about that. He got sidetracked when Fred played a clip of Bill. In the clip Bill was talking about what he would do to Natalie if she was with him. Bill was getting into detail and getting really graphic with that he would do to her.
Howard said that Robin must be out of her mind jealous. Robin said she is of course. She said she's not sure what to even say.
Howard put Tina on hold to give her the information on where to send the picture. Howard said they have to see her. Howard said Tina's boyfriend is on the phone. He took the call from the fake boyfriend and it was clips of Richard Simmons singing. Howard asked him some questions and then bailed on the bit to get back to Tina.
Howard asked Tina if she has sent the picture. Tina said she just sent it. Howard asked Jason where they're at. Jason said he just got it and he's opening it now. He shared it with Howard and Ronnie. Howard said she does have a great ass. He said Robin has to admit that. Robin said she must live up to the hype. Ronnie said she has high standards. Howard asked Ronnie what's holding him back. Ronnie said the husband/fiancee is. Howard asked Tina if she has to have him there. She said she does.
Howard said he's all for her starting an account with just her ass pictures. He said he might get bored after a while though. He said he'd like to see everything. Ronnie agreed. Tina asked if they want her to send her whole body. Ronnie said yes. Howard said send it now. He said he'll vamp while that's going on. Robin said she likes how she asked if they wanted that like they'd say no. Howard said that would be wrong.
Howard asked if any of the other guys can fuck her. He said Benjy might do her. Tina said no thanks to Benjy. She said Ronnie is her type being dominant. Robin said no one else on the staff is like that. Tina said maybe that other guy Mike Pearlman with the heavy New York accent. Howard asked Mike if he'd want that. Mike was off today.
Howard asked Tina if she sent it yet. She said she doesn't have one. Howard asked what she's wearing now. Tina said she has jeans and a shirt on. She said she's working from home today. She said that she has some cute panties on. She said that she has her fiancee pick a color out in the morning. Ronnie said that she said she had two panties on. Howard said no she didn't. Ronnie said he must be losing it.
Howard said they have fake Mike Pearlman on. He had him come on and talk to Tina. Fake Mike talked dirty to Tina for a short time. Howard was calling him Erotic Mike. Mike said he has no problem with the guy watching. He made a protein shake and said now he's ready to fuck. Howard asked fake mike if he really fucked with Ronnie's bagel. Mike said Ronnie was very worried about the food and more so than with anything else going on in the office.
Howard had Mike talk dirty to Tina. Fake Mike asked her to lick his balls and things like that. He made another protein shake and used a drop of a mixer.
Howard asked where Tina's picture is. Jason said he just got it. Tina said this was the only one she could find. Howard and the guys checked her out. Howard said she looks good. He asked if Mike can handle a girl that hot. Mike said as long as she can suck his balls down.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked why Ronnie is so uptight and homophobic. Ronnie said it's just not his thing. He said he doesn't want him in the room with him. Robin said Ronnie has been known to lay on the floor and watch. Howard said if Ronnie had a few cocktails and hung out with them maybe he'd just fuck her in front of the boyfriend. He said as long as there was a whole plan there. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said you never know.
Ralph asked if it was Pam Anderson in her prime and some guy wanted to watch. Ronnie said he's not comfortable with it. He said that he's not doing it. Robin said if he was high he might do it. Howard said get 10 gin and tonics in him and he might do it.
Tina said she thinks Ralph would be a fun time. Howard said Ralph would fuck her and her boyfriend. Ralph asked how his ass is. Howard let Ralph go after that. He said he has to call him later. He said his clothes aren't looking good so he has to talk to him about that. He said he has to have a scarf meeting with him. Ralph said that's not gay. Howard said not at all. Howard said he called the other day saying his scarf wasn't tied right. He said he can't get it together to call. Howard said a lot of these celebrities have people telling them how to dress. Ralph said it takes hours to put something together that looks casual.
Fake Mike said he's seeing Ronnie in a picture from back in the 80s and he kind of looks like Howard. The spent a minute on that bit.
Howard said Ralph has a lot of ideas for dressing casual. He said sometimes Ronnie wears the cut off shirts showing off his arms and he doesn't really have the arms for that. Ralph said it's tricky to be casual. He said there's a version of wearing a suit that he could do that would look good. Fake Mike said Ronnie has a whole Las Vegas style to him now. He said he looks like he's from Nashville or something.
Ralph said that Ronnie should wear a jacket of some sort all the time. He said just a soft material jacket. Howard asked if Ronnie wants a make over from Ralph. Tina said that Ronnie looks hot in a suit.
Howard said Ronnie wants to give Benjy a makeover too. Tina suggested putting a bag over his head. Fake Mike said that Ronnie went through a phase where he wore a derby. He said that he meant to get a Fedora but he got the wrong kind. He said he looked ridiculous. Ronnie said he still has his derby. Howard said meanwhile Tina wants to fuck Ronnie out of all of these guys. Mike said Ronnie is a good guy. He said he remembers Ronnie having that Batman moustache back in 2012 or 2013. Ronnie said he did that for the show.
Ralph said he should shave that moustache. Ronnie said it's not leaving. He said he likes it that way. Howard asked if Stephanie wants him to cut it. Ronnie said he's keeping it. Howard said he has that soul patch thing too. Tina said that's the flavor saver.
Ralph said Blitt just sent him a picture and he has to shave that beard. Ronnie said it's not happening. Hard said he looks like Robert E. Lee or something. Tina said what makes Ronnie hot is that they're busting his balls and he doesn't give a fuck. Ralph said if he just cut his beard down a couple of notches it wouldn't be so bad. Howard said it could open up its own strip club. He said he's going for that southern plantation owner looks. Robins said they should call him Colonel Ronnie.
Howard said thanks to Tina for calling in. He said that maybe Ronnie will bang her in front of her boyfriend some day. Howard let Ralph go too. He said he'll call later about the scarf consultation. Ronnie said that conversation really helped out. Howard tried to let Mike go but he was rambling on and on about all the work out stuff he had to do today.
Howard asked Ronnie if he has anything to add. Ronnie said happy Yom Kippur and happy Hump Day too. Howard played him off with a song parody.
Howard said next week they have a Sternthology special going next week on Howard 101. He said coming soon they have Charlie Puth and Conan O'Brien. He said that they have the Drew Barrymore dating game coming soon too. He said Cocktober continues as well. Howard said all of that fun will be happening. He ended the show around 10:45am.