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Howard said he noticed a lot of grey hair in the front this morning. He said he may have to color his hair. He said that's real tricky. He said you see guys who are 70 with jet black hair and he's not going to be that guy. He said he saw someone on TV the other day who did that. He said Burt Reynolds was like that. He said he was a good looking guy but by the end he looked like a puppet. He said there was a puppet like a Speed Racer kind of puppet. Robin said she knows what he's talking about. She said she was looking at some old footage of Giuliani promoting Trump had won the election and he was sweating and the dye from his hair was running down the creases in his face. Howard said that's a pretty famous picture now. He said he'd do it right if he was going to do it. He said he's not sure but Steven Tyler has good looking hair. He said he's not sure if he colors it.
Howard said he's not sure if he wants to go through coloring his hair. He said they have an app so he's on the app and he's seen all the time. He said he used to go through a lot getting ready to go on air but he can't do that anymore. He said he thinks Beth is for him trying to color his hair. He said some days it looks grey and some days it looks there's none. He said he's not sure what to do about it. Robin said she doesn't notice the grey. Howard said for a dude his age it's nice that he has a head of black hair. Robin said it is very dark brown if it's not black. Howard said it's like the coolest thing about him. He said it's that or his dazzling personality. He said the best things about him are his hair and his feet. He said everything in between is a mess.
Robin said his legs are okay. Howard said they are nice. He said he has been told he has sexy legs. He said they're nice for a woman.
Howard said Mick Jagger means a lot to him. He said he has like 5,000 questions for the guy but they won't have him for long. He said he loves the guy as a singer, a performer and a person. He said he's just the coolest guy ever. He said he wants to know who cuts his hair among other things. He said he just fucking adores the guy. He said he has never met him but on Wednesday they're going to meet him. He said he's going to be cumming in his pants. He said he wants to know how he stays so thin and fit. He said he's going to tell him he loves him. He said he's honored.
Robin said she did say that Mick and Keith had better get in there soon. Howard said maybe she did it. He said that he's going to jerk off during the interview and Robin has to keep him on track with his questions. Howard made his jerking off sound and Robin had to try to keep him on track. Robin said he may not be able to do this if he has 5,000 questions and he can't even get one out.
Howard said the Stones are actually on tour. He said he has to ask about that. He said Gary said they're in St. Louis right now. Gary said they're in Charlotte on Thursday. Robin said that's amazing.
Howard said when he thinks about the Stones and how they're still around is amazing. He said his favorite album is ''Exile on Main Street.'' He said they have so many great songs on that one. He said ''Sticky Fingers'' too. He said he has so many questions. He said he needs like 17 hours with the guy but he'll take what he can get. Robin said be your most charming and maybe he'll want to do it again.
Howard said even the Beatles broke up. He said the Stones have stayed together. He said that the Dave Clarke 5 were big but they didn't last long. He said the Stones have managed to stay together. Robin said they've had a big influence on rock music too. Howard said even their buddy from the Black Crowes would say that Mick made it cool to dance around on the stage. He said that's going to be very cool on Wednesday.
Howard said he saw the Stones in concert a couple of times. He said he saw them in Giants stadium and he was up close. He said he didn't meet them back stage though. He said he's not sure why because he usually gets the offer. He said they're so big they don't want to meet him.
Howard said they opened with Street Fighting Man at a recent concert. Fred played some of the songs they were talking about. Howard said Jon Hein has the set list. Jon said it's amazing. He said that Howard will know 17 of the 19 songs. Jon rattled off the songs and Howard knew them.
Howard said that's some show. He said that's not even all their hits. He said that's just the ones they're doing. Jon said you don't realize how many of their songs you know. Howard said he might have to just sit there and wait until Wednesday's show.
Fred played more songs and Howard talked them up like he was a DJ at WNBC. He said they wouldn't even play cool songs like this at WNBC.
Howard said he's too excited about this. He said he can't wait. He said thanks to Mick. Howard said he has a pad next to the bed and he writes down notes for his questions. He said that it's annoying because he can't sleep. He said he shouldn't even try to prepare.
Howard said if that's not enough they have Dave Grohl coming on tomorrow. He said he has a new book called The Storyteller coming out. He said the book is really good. He said he read it in like 2 days over the summer.
Howard said he feels like he has learned a lot in his life and he likes being older because of that. He said he can't run or lift weights now though. He said it's that stuff he doesn't like. Robin said she was walking through a street in New York and saw some guy carrying Catherine Hepburn. She said she was literally being carried. She said the guy had her in his arms like a baby. She said that he sort of poured her into a car. Howard asked who is going to carry him. He said he's 6'5'' tall. He said that he'll have to have 3 guys carry him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the Stones rehearsed like 80-90 songs for this tour. He said they go through the song book and they really work out what's going to work live and all of that. He said this is an all stadium tour. He said they don't get enough credit. The caller said he heard them rehearsing one night in Boston outside a theater they were playing. He said they're just amazing. Howard said this guy sounds like an expert. He said he agrees with what he's saying about them.
The caller said the fan base around the world is great. Howard said he seems to know so much he must be in the band. The caller said he's not. He said he saw them for the first time when he was in his 20s. He said he's been going to see them ever since and now he's 47. He said he's going to see them in Pittsburgh soon.
Howard asked what their best album is. The caller said Sticky Fingers. He said every track is ridiculously good. He said even the album that came out in 2005 was really good.
Howard said he can't argue with anything he said. He said Fred must be cumming in his pants too. Fred said this is fucking awesome. He said it's the most amazing thing. He said he wants them to come in and play. Howard said he's way ahead of the game right now. He said they have to get through this first. He said he's going to get a rapport going with Mick and he'll ask them to come in.
Fred said they have a great album that's all acoustic. He said give that a listen.
Howard said he watches their stuff online and the songs play one after the other. Fred said that every performance on YouTube is amazing. He said they can just pull it together every time.
Howard said they have to pick out an outfit for Robin to wear to turn Mick on. Fred said just Band-Aids over the nipples. Robin said listen to her buddy there. Howard said maybe a giant tongue bra.
Howard said he's not sure if he should wear a Stones t-shirt. He said that might be too much. He said he might have to wear whatever Robin wears that day. He said they're all excited about this. Fred said even Jon Hein was breaking a sweat over this.
Robin said it was like being in the band when she saw the Martin Scorsese movie about the Stones. Howard said they say that Mick runs like 12 miles during a concert. He said there's a lot to talk about there. He said he'll shelve it for now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw the Stones last night in St. Louis and they were incredible. Howard said they are. He said they still rock and move the crowd. He said it's just crazy. He said he's very excited about it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said Gary needs a lifetime pass for this. She said it's Mick Jagger. Howard said well done Gary. The caller said that the vintage t-shirt is the way to go. Howard said that's sucking up a bit. The caller said he should be sucking up. She said do a smart one that not everyone would have. Howard said he'll put some thought into it.
Howard said they were working over the summer. He said they took time off but now they have these great guests. He said Gary can't be playing pickle ball and drinking scotch. He said now that they have these guests he can do that stuff.
Robin asked if this is because of Gary's networking. Howard said he thinks that he lit a fire under his teeth so he got out there and worked. Gary said this is about 15 years of talking to one person and getting them to see how great Howard is.
Howard answered a knock on the door and it was Fun George Takei. George said he can't wait for this interview. He said he can't get no satisfaction from Brad. He sang the song and rang his bell to get Brad's attention. Howard let George go a short time later.
Howard did his impression of Gary talking about how he was an early adopter of this whiskey. He said it's pretty exciting. He said it's like when you were a fan of Metallica before the Black album. He said Gary is also an early adopter of napping at work.
Howard said he wanted to get to a couple of things this morning. He said he's not sure where to begin. He said he was just watching a tape of Trump at some event talking about this audit in Arizona for the election results. He said it turns out that Biden still won and he won by even more votes. He said Trump gave a speech and got up and said they did the audit and said that he won Arizona. He said the crowd behind him were screaming. He said they even had the black guy in the black t-shirt that says ''Blacks for Trump.'' He said it's too obvious what they're doing. He said Trump claims he won the election and they have proof that he won but it's a total lie. He said the story all weekend was that the audit was done and they found that Trump lost by even more than they thought. He said Trump gets up there and lies about it. He said the fans scream about him winning. He said he's not sure what's going on in this country. He said he's flabbergasted. He said he's not sure how you're for a guy who thinks he still won after the audit said he lost.
Robin said there's a group who wants it their way in this country and they're not going to take it any other way. Robin said the republicans have to believe that he won the election. Howard said George Bush came out of hiding and made a statement and said that some of his fellow republican had better stand up to this and denounce this. He said he was very pleased to see that. He said he's not anti-republican. He said he doesn't recognize what's going on now.
Howard said they did an audit and he's not sure why people are buying into it. Robin said they want what they want and they will say whatever it takes.
Howard said it must scare people that this is an out and out lie. He said it's freaking him out. Robin said the people on FOX News must think it's just entertainment. Robin said in the NY Times this morning they had a story about COVID and why some people won't get the vaccine and somebody wrote that it's the liberals like Biden, Pelosi and Howard Stern are involved. Howard said he's not sure what the theory is there. Robin said they think they're pushing the vaccine and they know they won't take it if he pushes it so they'll drop dead.
Howard said hew wants everyone to take it so he can get the fuck out of his house so things can go back to the way they were. He said that's all he wants. Robin said it was some article in Breitbart where they talked about this. She said that they think that their push is so hard that people are resisting and that's just what they want.
Howard said he's never been a liberal. He said he voted for George Patacki, Giuliani, Christie Todd Whitman and others. He said he's a huge second amendment guy. He said he's not sure when he became a liberal. He said he's just a selfish guy. He said he wants to get back to normal. He said this is all just so stupid.
Howard said he loves this country and the free elections. He said there have been over 700,000 deaths so far from COVID and he wants that to stop. He said it's crazy what's going on.
Howard said people have gone insane. He said he doesn't read social media but Beth has her account. He said some guy wrote her the other day and said ''I wish you cared for Howard's soul as much as she cares for those cats.'' Howard said Beth didn't know what it meant so he asked her what that even means. The guy said that he wrote back to her saying that he believes in heaven and hell and Howard said that he's afraid of dying. He said that he told her that she should be caring more about him. Howard said people are insane.
Howard said he's just saying that there's nothing after this life. He said that's all. He said even if Heaven and hell are real why would his soul be Beth's responsibility. He said that the guy didn't even make sense.
Howard said Trump is up there saying he won the election but why would he do that?
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a republican and he's from Ohio. He said we have to get over Trump not being president. He said we have people who don't want to work and people getting sick. Howard said the fear is that in 2022 and 2024 that people are going to mistrust elections. He said that they're going to think that all hell is going to break loose. The caller said that people believe anything they read on social media. He said he read that Biden was going to pull health insurance from the VA Veterans. He said that he can't do that. He said people don't fact check. Howard said it's just silly.
Howard said no one is accountable. He said they print stuff in the paper and they're accountable and can be sued. He said if you do that on social media they just get away with it.
Howard said the internet is good for getting cats homes but bad for everything else. Robin said that two deaths have been linked to that horse pinworm medication. Howard said he loves reading that stuff. He said they're always on their death beds saying they should have gotten the vaccine. Howard said he has so many stories like that. He said he's not sure when we got so dumb as a country.
Howard said Chris Wilding put this together. He said he's on a mad tear. He said he found a bunch of these. He asked if he wants to do it himself. Chris said Howard can do whatever he wants. Chris said he's kind of glad these people are dead. He said it's bad to wish death on anyone but he looks at these people like drunk drivers and they're spreading information to people. He said it's not good.
Howard said this radio guy was a 61 year old who was anti-vax and was writing song parodies about the vaccine. He had a song he wrote called ''Vax Man'' to the tune of Tax Man. Howard played the song and said it's not even clever. He said it's bad radio.
Howard said the Vax Man would be your doctor by the way. He said these people don't like doctors. He said they like radio guys who barely went to college. Chris said that song was so bad that he only pulled part of it. Howard said he wants to play the whole thing to hear how bad it is. Chris said it's on Phil Valentine's Soudncloud account.
Howard said he heard the whole song parody and he didn't even change the lyrics for the whole song. He said that's how lazy this guy was. Chris said he thinks that it was Phil's own band that did it. Howard said it sounded like the actual track. He said he must have done it with a Karaoke track.
Howard said they should make a song parody about Phil being a ''Dead Man'' where they sing about how wrong he was about writing Vax Man.
Howard had the whole song parody to play. He played it and they were right about the lyrics barely being changed from the Beatles song.
Howard said you know the shit heads who listen to the show ask if you heard this song.
Howard said now you're an embalmed man. Chris laughed. He told Howard that they didn't bother changing this part of the song. He called Phil a dumb shit.
Howard said he saw the brother on TV and he sounded kind of rational telling people to get the vaccine. He said maybe his brother should have done that on radio.
Chris said the other thing that this guy had people on the show and he would have people on who had miracle cures. He said a doctor came on and said that you could inhale a steroid and it would cure you. He said Phil must not have done that because he died.
Howard played the clip and the doctor was telling Phil about this steroid and zero of his patients have died. Howard said it's amazing that none of them have heard of this stuff. Chris said it must be amazing if it's a 100 percent survival rate.
Howard asked who they replaced this guy with on radio. He said they must not have a guy who was for vaccines. Robin said that she heard about a guy who worked for a Christian organization and got fired after he said just get the vaccine.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he spoke to him a month ago about his limp noodle problem. He said he got some great advice and got that straitened out. He said that he got the delta variant. He said he passed out and they ended up doing CPR on him and he got broken ribs. He said they got him through all of that even though they were on break. He said that the vaccine saved his life from what doctors told him. He said that doctors told him that it helped because of his pre-existing conditions. Howard thanked the guy for the information.
Howard said Phil Valentine was very pro-vaccine toward the end. He said that's when he was on his death bed.
Howard asked Chris what he has next. Chris said this guy is a real piece of shit. He said he's Bob Enyart. He said he would mock people for dying from the virus on air. He said he found a clip from the 90s where he was talking about abortion and why he doesn't believe in it. Howard played a clip of Bob talking about how even if a woman is raped by her father that abortion is wrong.
Howard did his impression of the woman talking to this Bob guy about abortion and coming up with crazy scenarios for abortion. He was asking about a dog raping a woman and creating a dog man. He had Enyart saying that he'd keep that around. He said you don't need diapers because you just shit in the yard.
Chris said that this guy hosted a show called Real Science Radio. He said it was all bullshit. He said on the show you hear the theme song for the show and then he starts talking about how he wants a boycott of vaccines because they were tested on fetal tissue. Howard played the clip and the guy had an awful theme song for the show. Then this Enyart guy talked about the vaccines and how some are produced using fetal tissue so it has to be opposed.
Howard said he's starting to think that COVID deniers are assholes. Chris said maybe they got COVID and it scrambled their brains.
Chris said this woman is a 64 year old Qanon person. He said her name is Veronica Wolsky. He said she would go into local businesses and terrorize them. Chris said she'd wear a Zorro mask and she's say she was wearing a mask when people would ask her to wear one. Chris had some audio of her doing that. Chris said she died of COVID. Howard said it is kind of funny. He said that she must have kept that bit up going into the hospital. Chris said all of her supporters demanded her release. He said they wanted to take her out and give her Ivermectin. He said that's what people are doing now. He said these people think that they're not treating them with the stuff they think they should be treated with. Howard said let them out and let their fans get them treated. Chris said some hospital did that and the guy did end up dying a day later.
Chris said that Howard talked about these Alabama Pickers who were going on and being very dismissive of COVID. He said they both caught it and died from it. He said the husband said that he wasn't going to get tested and he ended up dying from COVID. Howard had some audio of the guy saying that he was told to get a COVID test and he said he's not going to be a government statistic. Howard said there's a lot of idiots in this country.
Chris said this is real time Darwinism. Howard said he has a kind of related phony phone call. He said the guys took clips of him talking about COVID and sounding alike a real asshole. He said this is him going on a talk show talking about COVID. Howard played the clip and Sal called in about his dad not getting vaccinated. He put Howard on with the hosts and they had Howard asking if they had been vaccinated. They had Howard talking about the assholes who won't get vaccinated and how he's not going to leave his house again. Then they had Howard coughing and vomiting.
Howard said that's some show too. He said he is pretty good on radio so he can make some comments on that show. He said they stayed so relaxed when someone was vomiting on the show. He said it's funny that they didn't want to talk about if they were vaccinated or not. He said you know the answer.
Howard said good job Chris. Chris said it's a little hard not to be glad that some of these people are gone. Howard said he gets it.
Howard said there you go. He said there's a lot going on. Robin said Howard is right in the middle of the story. Howard said he got a lot of coverage of his views on the vaccine. He said the next thing he knew he was major news. Robin said he's right up there with Biden, Pelosi and Fauci. Howard said he'd love to conspire with them.
Howard said he was being kind of goofy asking how that's going to stop COVID. He said that Gary told him he was asked to sign this global warming petition. He said he had no idea. Gary said that he was asked by both Camilla Cabello and Sean Mendes.
Howard asked why he didn't sign it. Gary said he sent it to his agent. He said maybe he turned it down. Howard said global warming is still going on because he didn't sign it. He said no kidding. He asked how Sean and Camilla contacted him. Gary said he knows their publicist and they passed it along. He said it's not personalized of course. Howard said she should have called him directly and he would have told her how hot she was in that video she did.
Howard said he's not sure he wants to sign any petition. He said there was this video that Gal Gadot did where a bunch of celebrities sang a song and that ended up getting goofed on a lot. Gary said they sent a list of names of people they sent the petition out to. He ran down the list of names on the list and he thinks that a lot of them signed it.
Howard said he heard that when it was sent to the president of China he said ''What, no Howard Stern'' and refused to do anything. Howard said he's all for doing something for the environment but he's not sure if these petitions help.
Howard read some of the people who did sign the petition. He said he's not sure if he would have helped or not.
Howard said he's putting a petition together for prominent radio people to sign. He said Cousin Brucie is one. Howard asked Fred what that drop is he played. Fred said that's John Goodman doing a Cousin Brucie kind of sound. He said that's really good.
Howard said they can get Human Newman and Bubba the Love Sponge on the petition. He said Booker too. He said that's the kind of people they can get. He said Kidd Chris too. He said he knows all the big names in radio. He said he really has no idea what's happening in radio. He said he's not sure what the number 1 station in there in New York City. He said there are just too many commercials on now.
Howard said he talked to Kidd Chris about radio and it sounds horrible to him. He asked what the number 1 station is there. He said he has no idea. Jon said that it looks like WBLS and WLTW. Howard said WBLS is the urban station. He said they used to be kind of a joke but now look who's laughing. He said they're number 1. He said black people are winning. Howard said he used to listen to that station when he was younger. He said he liked it because in the middle of a song they'd play a logo in the middle of the song. He said he thought that was outrageous.
Howard said they say that the station is R&B and not even hip hop. He said he's not sure what that means. Robin had to explain what the difference is.
Howard asked if there are any rock stations left. He said he knows WPLJ went religious. He said he loved WPLJ. He said he loved Jim Kerr and guys like that. He said they had Zacherley on for a while. He said they had Tony Pig and Carol Miller on too.
Gary said he was listening to WPLJ and he heard one of the songs on there and they just sound weird. Howard said they paid like 3 million for the station. He said it used to be worth like 100 million. He said it's weird.
Howard asked if they knew that at McDonald's that Grimace is a giant taste bud. Robin said she didn't know that. Howard said there was this guy who runs a McDonald's on a CBC station talking about what Grimace is. He said he made this revelations about him. He said he always thought he was a big purple shit that people took after eating McDonald's. He said it turns out it's a giant taste bud.
Howard played a news clip where they talked about the celebrity petition thing. They named some of the celebrities who were on the list.
Howard said he wasn't asked to be on that one. He said he was supposed to be on the climate change petition.
Howard jokingly said he knows a couple of people were waiting to see who signed the petition before getting vaccinated. He said now they're fully vaccinated.
Howard played a clip of a McDonald's guy talking about what Grimace is supposed to be. He said it's not official but he was told it's an enormous taste bud.
Howard did an impression of the guys talking about what Grimace was and coming up with other explanations for what that giant purple thing is.
Howard said thank god he's big enough to be talking to Mick Jagger on Wednesday and not the manager of a McDonald's about Grimace.
Howard said Grimace started out as an evil character. He played a commercial where they had the voice of Grimace and had him being re hydrated by a McDonald's milk shake. He said he thought that was interesting.
Howard said everyone is into the theory about how everyone is into the case because Gabby is a hot white chick. Howard said he sees that case and wonders how that guy got her. He said that he's also very taken with this van life stuff. He said this dude convinced this hot chick to spend her life in a van with him. Robin said he also convinced her to live with his parents with him. Howard said his parents must have been real afraid of him. He said he looked like a scary kid. He said that he never had anyone who would have wanted to move in. He said if he asked his parents to let a girl move in his father would have told him to go fuck himself.
Howard did an impression of his mother talking to him about having a girl move in. He said she wouldn't have let him have a girl in his room. He said she wouldn't even let them into his bedroom. Howard said he actually did have girls over but his parents knew that none of them were fucking him so they didn't have to worry.
Howard said the reason dudes like him follow stories like this is because guys like him think they should be able to get girls like that. Robin said you think that this stuff shouldn't happen to girls like her because life is supposed to be awesome for her. Howard said you would think that her life should have been great. He said she should be sizing up a good provider instead of this douche bag. Robin said she shouldn't be living in a van with a guy.
Howard said he saw a picture of the guy's bedroom and it looked like Ralph's house. He said he had comics all over and a Darth Vader helmet. He said he's not sure how he got such a hot chick to go in a van with him.
Howard said he was talking to Richard Christy and he had a van in high school. He said he lived in the van when he went out partying on the weekends because he got so drunk. He said his parents let him do that.
Howard made up what that discussion would have been like with his parents. He asked whose parents go for that. He said Richard's did. He said Richard said he cut a hole in the floor of the van so he could take a shit through the floor. He said then he'd drive by the shit to see it later. Richard said it was the passenger seat that was the toilet. He said he bolted it on the passenger side of the van. He said he cut a hole with a welding torch.
Richard said he'd let his friends use the toilet like that. He said they'd let them get in the van and they'd watch their faces as they did it. He said they had toilet paper in there too. He said sometimes they'd put ice in the toilet and use it as a cooler too. He said you had to be careful which beer you grabbed. Howard asked how he's alive. Richard said his immune system must be strong. He said his 400 pound friend broke the toilet. Howard asked if that guy is still around. Richard said he died. He said it's been a few years but he was an awesome dude. Howard asked what his shits were like. Richard said he doesn't think he ever got to see his shit since he broke the toilet.
Howard asked Richard about driving past his shits. Richard said he'd see them and sometimes you'd see tire marks through it or bicycle tire marks. He said he'd get out and look at the shit to see what had gone through it.
Howard asked Richard if he ever had girls in that van. Richard said no girls got within 100 feet of that van. Howard said he's not sure who this Laundrie guy got Gabby to go into his van.
Howard asked Richard if he really never got a girl in that van. Richard said he never got laid in high school. He said that he'd get Taco Tico food and then shit in their parking lot. Howard said he's doing it in a decent way with his toilet. He said you shit in there and then make your enemies slide off the road. He said he can't believe his parents went along with that. Richard said they were really cool parents. He said they knew he wasn't drinking and driving. He said he slept it all off. He said they didn't want him smoking grass so they were okay with him drinking.
Howard said he saw a picture of Richard when he was younger and he had bad hair. Richard said he would crimp it and it was just the rattiest old mop. He said he doesn't miss it at all.
Howard asked if Richard ever took his van out on the road. Richard said not that one but they lived in vans when he was in bands. Howard asked if he read Dave Grohl's book yet. Richard said not yet but he's looking forward to it.
Howard said this guy claims he lived the van life. He took the call from the guy, Jesse, who said that he's in his van right now. He said he's been in it for like a year now and he takes photographs. Howard asked if he's living the van life now. Jesse said he is. He said he's in Oklahoma and he's there for a tournament for something. Robin asked what he's photographing. Jesse said it's axe throwing. Howard said he didn't know that was a thing. Jesse said that it's a thing. Howard said that sounds very loser-ish. He said we have to get serious about our future.
Jesse said he lives a very non-traditional life. He said it's just himself in that van. Robin asked if he ever gets a girl. Howard said he needs a Gabby Petito type girl to go with him. Howard asked where he shits. Jesse said in public restrooms. Howard asked if he has ever taken a dump out the back door. Jesse said he will take a leak like that but not a dump.
Howard asked how much money he can make taking pictures. Jesse said that he has developed his own style and he can freeze and axe or a thrower with his style. Richard asked about the big names in the game and who they are. Jesse named a couple of guys who are the best right now.
Howard asked who makes more money, Jesse or the axe throwers. Jesse said he would say the axe throwers.
Howard said he's not going to put down the job but if you're the best at your job and living in a van that's not saying much. Jesse said he's been homeless before so this is a step up. He said he was living in an apartment when the pandemic started and he went out and started doing this stuff. Howard said he likes being able to spread out and not being stuck in a tiny area like a van.
Howard asked when he last got laid. Jesse said he turns down more offers than he takes advantage of. Howard asked if the girls are interested. Jesse said it's a very primitive van. He said it's the bare minimum and it's all he really needs. Howard asked if he thinks that he could move a girl in and start a family. Jesse said he's not planning on starting a family at this point in his life. Howard said he could shove a wife and kids in that van. Jesse said that he doesn't talk about kids with the van because it is a white van that's very nondescript.
Howard asked if Jesse sees families living in their vans. Jesse said he does and it's not pleasant. Richard asked if he has ever had someone try to break into his van. Jesse said that just the other week someone checked to see if it was unlocked. He said it was in a dirt lot under a tree. He said one time there was a guy who was pacing a fence while was in the van and he had to get out of there. He said that it was at a time when Waffle Houses weren't open at all day. He said it was like 4 in the morning.
Robin asked why it was axe throwing that he settled on. Howard said you know the demand will be high for that sport. Richard said it's a big thing at bars. He said he's not sure that's a great mix though.
Jesse said that his father used to do it and then it started to grow around the country. Howard asked how he gets mail. Jesse said it all goes to his parent's house. Howard asked how old he is. Jesse said he's 46. He said his father has passed but his mother is very supportive. He said that he only gets junk mail anyway.
Howard had a conversation with his mom about collecting his mail until he's 46. Howard was doing his impressions of his parents talking to him about that.
Richard said he shouldn't laugh because if Howard hadn't hired him this is probably what he'd be doing.
Howard said Jesse is out there doing it. He asked what happens if a cop comes up and starts banging on the door. He asked if he gets nervous. Jesse said that he has had people bang on his door. He said he had one guy do that and he said he was Fort Worth Police. He said the guy was drunk. He said he went into the back and just waited for him to go away. He said he had a stun gun that he used to knock the guy out. He said the woman the guy was trying to impress wasn't so impressed and dragged the guy away.
Robin asked how long Jesse would like to do this. Jesse said he'd like to do it for at least 10 years. Howard said he'd be the kind of guy he'd be afraid of running into out there. He said it sounds like a tough life. He asked if he ever sees hot chicks like Gabby Petito out there. Jesse said there are a lot of young people who do it. He said monetizing it is something they can do. He said with Gabby it's tragic but it's not the only one. He said there's a lot of suicides and stuff too. He said that there was a girl who was doing it on her own and she ended her life. He said it's not easy. He said that if you don't have something to fall back on then it can turn bad.
Howard said he thinks that people might hear this and want to turn their van into something that Richard had with the toilet in it. Richard said there was nothing under that part of the van. He said in newer vans you can't just poke a hole in them.
Howard said thanks to Jesse for the insight into the van life. He said stay safe out there. Jesse said he's a huge fan of Robin's. He told them to have a great day. Howard said send Robin a picture because Robin might want to live out there on the road with him.
Howard said he likes that toilet thing that Richard did. He said it sounds fun watching the shit drop out the bottom of the van. Robin said that making the toilet a cooler is questionable. Richard said it's scary as hell to live in a van. Howard said he had no reason to live in it though. He said he had parents and a house. Richard said he just wanted to go out partying. He said he once stayed in the van and heard a huge crash and it turned out to be his friends dumping empty cans on the roof. He said he ended up jumping on his friend's car hood and crushing it in. He said he had to get a new hood.
Howard said that van must have been the best. Richard said it was famous around the county. He said people would see it and laugh. Howard asked if it was decorated. Richard said it was. He said they used spray paint to make it look really creepy. He said they did a really crappy job at painting it like the Mystery Van from Scooby Doo. He said it just looked creepy.
Howard said he has a lot of stuff to get to but they're running out of time. Robin said she's glad they got a glimpse into the van life. Howard said he might have to get into that with Robin. Robin said she saw video of Gabby talking about how much she loved the van. Howard said it didn't look very roomy. He went into a live commercial read. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he loves this song so much. He let it play a little bit. He said he saw him sing this with his wife on Broadway. He said it's crazy good. He said it really gets him. He said he was near tears. He said he thinks he was just playing guitar. He said he's going to sing this to Robin. Howard said this might be his best song ever.
Howard said Bubba the Love Sponge sent him something. He said he got a box in the mail and it was a giant Super Bowl sized ring. He said this song is so good it's distracting him. He said he wishes he could be in a band and just do the harmonies. He said that's what Bruce's wife does. He asked the guys to turn that off so he can move on.
Howard said Bubba sent him this ring and he was wondering what it was. He said it's a Super Bowl ring encrusted with fake diamonds and rubies. He said it says ''Bubba Army'' on it. He said that he had to write him back and tell him he's very honored and he must be a captain in the Bubba Army. He said that Bubba wrote back to him telling him it wasn't real diamonds and rubies. He said that he would run up and get it now but he'll do that tomorrow. He said he wrote Bubba and Bubba told him it's not real diamonds. He said Bubba might be living in a van now. He said that it's something they give to friends of the show and sponsors. He said he asked his wife after what he's going to do with it. He said it doesn't fit his finger. He said the thing is huge. He said he was thinking that they could give it to someone. He said maybe Ronnie but it says Howard on it. Ronnie got on and showed that he already has one.
Ronnie said he got his last week. Howard asked what he's going to do with it. Ronnie said he put it on but it looks weird. He said it's huge. He said it says his name on it. Robin said that thing is huge. Howard said he used to get stuff like that and kept it in an archive but he's cleaning out his archive. He said he's going to give that stuff away.
Howard asked if Ronnie asked what's up with the ring. Ronnie said he just thanked Bubba for it. He said he doesn't know what to do with it. He said it's like a show piece. He said he's not sure what to do with it. He said he's impressed he got it. Robin said he has to put it somewhere for people to see it. Ronnie said he'll put it on the table or something.
Howard asked if that's his head shot hanging up. Ronnie said it is. He said he wanted to decorate the room a little bit. Howard said he ash that and a drawing of himself driving a car. Ronnie said that's his decorations for now. He said that's instead of his NASCAR stuff. Howard said you don't usually put pictures of yourself up. He said he has so much shit in storage that he's just going to wrap it up and send it to Bubba.
Howard said he kept a lot of stuff he shouldn't have kept in this archive. He said he has a Andrea Ownbey calendar. He said he's not sure why he kept it. He said instead of throwing it out he kept it. He said he has a TV guide that mentions Private Parts and it's from Antigua. He said that he has all of this stupid shit he's been keeping. He said he's going to throw that shit out. Robins said he's been talking about throwing it out for a long time. Howard said it's the pandemic and people are afraid to go to the storage unit to throw out. He said forget that, they need to get to it.
Howard asked Memet why he's doing this. Memet said that he has no idea the extent he has tried not to piss him of in any way. He said he's literally planning on working that day. He said he's going to be on Zoom and working that day. He said when he signs off that night he'll get married. Howard asked why he would invite people from the show to it. Memet said that was a damned if you do and damned if you don't kind of thing. He said that if they want to come they can do the same thing he's doing.
Howard said he doesn't get why it's on a work day. Memet said it was all family and stuff like that. He said that he was trying not to upset anyone. Howard said he's fine with it if it's not going to interrupt his work. Memet said anyone can turn it down with not hard feelings at all.
Howard asked about COVID and what they're doing about that. Memet said that it's a pain but they're working on it. He said do what you're comfortable doing. Howard said he's surprised he's getting married. Memet said it's all very stressful.
Howard said he went out of his way to do this. He said they play a trivia game and you play on the internet. Memet said it's an app and you can play around the country. He said the families play it together. He said this is how they meet up every week. Howard said Memet somehow got the game to make the trivia question his proposal. Howard played the clip where they had Memet asking Mary if she would marry him.
Howard asked what the fuck that was. Memet said that he was worried he did something wrong and he just thinks about Howard the whole time. He said he's not trying to upset him. Howard said he knows the people he invited are upset. He said they're saying that he had to know that they can't miss work and fly to the wedding. Memet said he's sorry if they're angry at him. Howard said the invite comes as a demand for money basically. He said everyone is pissed off about that. Memet said that he invited more people from there than his own family. Howard asked why he'd get married like that then. He said that you sit down with your wife and talk about how important it is to do it on a weekend. Memet said it didn't work out that way. Howard said he doesn't understand. Memet said he did think that it was reasonable. He said he will be able to work that day. He said that it has no bearing on the show at all. Howard said if you want people to come from work then you have to do it on another day.
Jason said that he loves Memet. He said he got the invite in the mail and he was excited about it but then it was a destination wedding. He said his wife said that she wasn't going to go. He said he went to put it in his calendar and it was on a Wednesday. He said it's too much. Hard asked what it's going to cost him. Memet said he can send whatever he wants to. Howard asked how much he'd send him. Jason said that he's not sure. Howard said he's going to have to send like 500 to 1000 bucks. He said he hates it. Memet said he knew this was coming. He said that he knew they'd think it was a money grab. He said he was thinking about not inviting his friends. He said that they don't have to feel like they have to write a check.
Howard said Ronnie said happy to get out of the house so he'll probably go. Jason said Ronnie did say he's going.
Howard said he'll send Memet a Miss Howard Stern calendar if he wants it. Memet said that would be great. Jason said he can send him something from the archive too. He said he'll send him 700 Miss Howard Stern danglers.
Howard asked if they're going to have kids. Memet said there's no plan right know. Howard said good. He said he has some wacky ideas about kids and he should never have any.
Howard said that he has some notes about Memet and kids. He read through that stuff and he said that he'd like to have a song. Memet said he changed his thoughts on that. He said he's fine with either gender. Howard played some audio of Memet talking about how he'd make sure that his kid won't be an obnoxious brat and he would raise that child in fear. He said you can get into their head and not even have to raise a hand to them. He said you yell at them and make them feel insecure about themselves. He said you get physical only as a last resort.
Howard said you're supposed to make kids feel safe and secure so they can fly on their own. Memet said that the military uses that tactic to train. He said that if you raise kids strictly then they tend to behave. Howard said he's emotionally crippled from the way he was raised. Memet said it seems like Howard is fine and should thank his father.
Robin said you should want your kids to be happy and healthy. Memet said he wants them to behave and be polite. Howard said it's too bad Robin's dad is gone because he could help him raise his kids. He said a good thing to do is yell at your kids while your wife is pregnant.
Howard said Memet said that he would turn to Sal for parenting advice. Memet said they are good kids. He said he would go to anyone who has a kid but Sal seems to be doing particularly good. Howard asked how many times he's talked to those kids. Memet said they've been up to the studio.
Howard took a call from Devin Walker from the future. He said this is Memet's son. Devin was in Times Square telling everyone there to die. Memet said that's not very polite so that's not his child.
Howard said he's happy for Memet. He said Mary is a very nice girl.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Memet is out of his mind. She said that he can pick any day from the future to get married. She said that raising kids that way is from the 1950s too. Memet said he's not expecting everyone to come to the wedding so they can do whatever they want.
Robin said she hopes that Mary has some other suggestions for raising a child. Howard said he wants Memet to raise that child and they'll see how that goes. He said this humiliation thing might work. Howard played Memet out with a song parody about him being a douche.
Howard asked Ronnie about where he went and who taught him everything for the bar mitzvah. Ronnie said he had a private tutor for that stuff. He said he went to a temple and he doesn't remember the name of that. Howard asked him what the blessing for wine is. Ronnie said he doesn't know any of that stuff. He said he doesn't remember all of it. He knew a few words.
Howard said he wishes he didn't have to learn all of that stuff. He said he would have been better off learning guitar. He said he could be Eddie Van Halen Jr. He said he'd be able to jam with Mick Jagger. He said he started in 1st or 2nd grade and he legend all of this stuff that he can't do anything with. Ronnie said he only went a year before. He said he had a private tutor come to the house to teach him.
Howard asked Ronnie if he had a Hebrew name. Ronnie said he did but he doesn't remember what it was. Fred played Riley Martin saying ''Hugh Jassole.''
Howard asked if he can read Hebrew. Ronnie said he had to do it all. He said he didn't do it in English. He said he did it in Hebrew.
Ronnie said he thinks his Hebrew name was Rivin. Howard said that sounds sort of like Ronnie so that makes sense. Howard said there's no Hebrew name for Howard. He said they called him Tzvi. He said he just accepted it. He said that he should have said fuck you. He said he thinks that's the go to name when you don't know what it is.
Howard said he had a kid in his class that didn't sing very well. Ronnie said he hated every minute of it. Howard said this kid was tone deaf. He said the music is the same but this kid sounded awful. He said he went to the kid's bar mitzvah just to hear him sing. Howard did an impression of the kid singing.
Howard said he thinks that Ronnie probably learned very little. Ronnie said that's why he forgot it. Howard said at least his name wasn't Tzvi. He said Howard wasn't the greatest name but then he's Tzvi. He said then the chicks are all laughing at him.
Robin said she kind of likes Rivin. Howard said that's real cool. He said he's got it. He said he found it impossible that he didn't know one word so he was thinking about that last week. He told Ronnie to think about taking down that head shot of himself. Robin said it looks like a police head shot. Howard said it's all pictures of Ronnie. He said everyone knows who it is but he has that press photo and the drawing of him racing. Robin said they're not even put up well. Ronnie said they're up with clips and tape. Howard asked what that painting is back there. Ronnie said it's like from the 1800s there. He said they're in the rental house until the middle of next month. He said the place was fully furnished. He said that worked out for them. He said they have a huge painting up on the wall across from him. He said it's some old guy dancing with a Victrola on a turntable. Howard said maybe bring that with you to the new house. Howard asked him to send it to Bubba for him.
Howard said he can't believe he hasn't gone to a strip club yet. Ronnie said he went once. He said it was cool. He said it was just topless and not all nude. He said it was a good club. He said a friend of his runs it. He said the girls there get tested like 2 or 3 times a week.
Howard said Ronnie is playing it fast and loose out there. He said he hopes he'll be alright. Ronnie said it was just once. He said that he got a lap dance. He said he wasn't nervous there. Howard said your boner tells you that this is a good way to go. Ronnie said he ran into Jim Breuer out there. He said he was playing a hotel there. He said he was sitting at the bar and he had a nice chat with him. He said Jim is doing good. He said he moved to Florida from New York. Howard said Ronnie is out there hob knobbing now.
Howard asked if Jim recognized him. Ronnie said he went up to Jim and said hi to him. He said he recognized him right away. He said he knew who he was. He said he had a nice conversation and that was it. Howard asked if he did goat boy for him. Ronnie said no. Howard said that makes him laugh every time. Ronnie said he was playing that hotel the whole weekend. Fred played some goat boy drops. Howard asked if he did his Joe Pesci. Ronnie said he didn't do that either. He said they had a nice conversation and that was it. Ronnie said he had a nice time at the NASCAR races yesterday. He said he ran into Jim when he was out at dinner with those guys from Kurt's team.
Howard asked if he was indoors or out for that meal. Ronnie said it was indoors. Howard said he's living it up out there. Ronnie said he's enjoying it. Howard asked if he's going to get the booster shot. Ronnie said he is as soon as they're available.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie is trying to pull the wool over everyone's eyes. He said that the cemeteries are at their limit and there are coolers being built for people who are dying from COVID and he's out there running around. Howard said he thinks that he's making the same point as him. Robin said he's saying they're running out of places to put bodies.
Howard said he and Beth were in bed and she was talking about how they haven't seen anyone else. He said that she was accusing him of being happy about it. He said that she's making plans to meet up with a friend outside at a restaurant. Howard said if she gets COVID then he gets it. He asked if he gets a say in it. He said she said no and she's going. He said if he gets it you'll know how he got it. He said she claims it'll be fine if they're outdoors. Robin said it's all fine until you get it. He said that he wishes Robin could talk to Beth and convince her. Robin said this is up to them and she has nothing to do with it. Robin said she wants him to be safe as possible but that's all she can say.
Howard said he's going to get her down there. He texted her and asked her to come on the show. She didn't want to be on camera. Howard said she looks fine.
Howard said he's going to tell her that he fell down and needs help getting up. He said then she'll come running.
Beth came in and said don't put her on camera. Howard said she looks cute. Beth asked if she has to put headphones on. Howard had her put them on. Howard said Robin is mad at her. Robin said she didn't say anything.
Howard asked what he said to her last night. He said he told her something. Beth said that he said that he feels very lucky. She said that bed is for sleeping and not hanging out. She said she's so tired at night. Howard said she has that ring that was like 600 bucks. Howard said he got one too but he's not wearing it. Beth told him to try it out. Howard said maybe one day he will. He said he sees that she's a slave to it.
Howard said that his point is about going to lunch with a friend and sitting outside. Howard said if she gets COVID and gives it to him then he's going to be upset. Beth said she has been to this place before and they're several feet apart. She said that she's with her friend and they're like 4 feet apart. Howard said he's never been to a place with tables that big. Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said if you're both vaccinated and outside that's pretty good precaution. She asked if you're wearing masks outside. Beth said the waiters and waitresses are masked. She said she will be masked walking through town. She said her friend has been home for a month and she feels very safe. She asked if Howard is bumming about that. Howard said she did say that he's comfortable staying inside the house. Beth said that Howard is okay with never going out again. Howard said he wants to see people too. Beth said he's not ready for that. Howard said she might be right. Beth said this is a very depressing conversation. Howard said they've been very safe. He said he hopes that she doesn't get COVID. Howard said Ronnie went out to dinner with 14 people. Beth said she wouldn't do that to him.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said that they don't ask for proof of vaccination cards so he's not sure if she should go out. Robin said that she might agree with High Pitch Erik of all people.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she thinks Beth is being careful and she should be fine. She said that restaurants are supposed to have proof of vaccination so they should be fine. She said that you have to do the right thing for your neighbors and she can go out to eat. Beth said she just read that Cheryl Burke from Dancing with the Stars has tested positive so she has to quarantine for 10 days. Howard asked how they're screwing that up on TV shows. Beth said that she's double vaxxed and she still feels terrible. Howard asked what Beth is doing then. Beth asked where Dr. Agus is. She said it might be time to check in with him. She said she still doesn't understand what to do and not do anymore.
Howard said he doesn't know what's going on. He said that his hair is getting grey. Beth said she noticed. Howard asked if she thinks he should color it. Beth said no. She said it looks good. She said don't do it. She said that he asked her years ago but they were going to wait until it happened. Howard said his pubes are totally dark. Beth said he won't let her look down there. Howard said he's going to just go grey.
Howard said Beth made fun of his workout the other day. He said it was only 10 minutes long. Howard said it sounds like Beth is going to lunch. Beth said she is. She said she's gong out with Annette. She said she'll get tested with a rapid test if he wants her to. Howard said he can't live without her that long. He said he's going to wrap up and end the show. He said he'll be up to eat lunch soon.
Beth ran off. Robin said she looks great in those glasses. Howard said Robin was some help. Robin said she won't get between a couple. She said they have to work it out themselves. She said that she has to make sure they have a vaccine policy there. Howard said that she was good at. He said she could have been more forceful.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she was thinking about what Howard was saying to Beth. She said that the only ones dying are the ones who are unvaccinated. She said that he should be fine. Howard said he might be able to tell you first hand pretty soon.
Robin said that two of the hosts of The View were tested positive for COVID and they had to keep Kamala Harris off the set.
Howard took a call from fake Dr. Agus that the new science reports say stay inside and never go out with anyone and have lots of sex with Howard.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he thinks it's fine if Beth goes out and stays outdoors. He said you have to do it now before winter sets in. He said then you'll be inside. Howard asked why she needs friends. He said he should be enough for her. Ralph said maybe she'll appreciate him more after that.
Howard said he heard that Ralph is going out and not wearing a mask. Ralph said that's so not true. He said he wears a mask indoors anywhere he's going. He said he wears a mask when he food shops. Howard asked Chris what he knows. Chris said that Ralph will take a mask and let it drop on the floor and he'll put it back on. He said he'll put it back on after putting it down. Ralph said they have dinner with a lot of people and they're fine. He said he'd done it 5 or 6 times now.
Chris said Ralph got sick and he insisted on seeing him. He said he told him to get tested and he refused it. Ralph said his doctor said he didn't need it. Robin said everyone has their own set of rules.
Howard took a call from Dry Lisa who said that Howard should be following what's going on with Dr. Agus. She said that the boosters are starting today for over 65 year olds. Howard said he's in then. He thanked her for the call.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked what he thinks about Jim Breuer canceling a show because people would have had to have worn masks. Howard said he's not sure what's up with that. He said he's not clear on what he's talking about. He said he refuses to believe that was really Jim. He said he thinks that was Goat Boy talking. He said the Jim he knows wouldn't say that dumb shit. He said he thinks that's fake news even though he saw him saying it.
Fake Dan Rather knocked on the door and told Howard that everyone at the place Beth is going is coughing and there are so many droplets in the air you can see them. Howard thanked Dan for checking in and let him go. Robin said that doesn't help anything.
Howard read through some more feedback about last week's shows. He had some feedback about Conor McGregor's awful first pitch. They had people comparing it to Gary's pitch. Howard had some audio of Gary talking about his first pitch on the Wrap Up Show and how it still haunts him to this day.
Howard spent a little time talking to Gary about that. Howard said he told Gary not to throw that pitch. He said he begged him not to do it. He said Gary knew better.
Howard took a call from Beth's friend who she's going to lunch with. It was a woman pretending to have a cough. Howard said enough of that.
Howard said Beetlejuice used to blame Dominick when he shit his own pants. He played a clip of Beetlejuice talking about how Dom would shit in his pants and blame him.
Howard read some words from Bobby about Dominick and how close he was to the family. Howard said that Dom won't be forgotten. He said he's not sure who Beetlejuice will blame now when he shits his pants.
Howard said they have Dave Grohl coming on tomorrow and Wednesday tehy'll be movin ghte show to 1 in the afternoon so they can talk to Mick Jagger. Howard did a live comemrical read and ended teh show aroudn 10:55am.
Howard started the show talking about the big morning they have coming up with Dave Grohl. He said he enjoyed his book and he's looking forward to talking to him. He said he was talking to Jon Hein about Dave after the show. He said they went late in the show and his day went long. He said his neighbor is building a house so they're pile driving metal beams into the ground so his house shakes and makes noise. He said he starts playing drums to the sound.
Howard asked what was going on and why there was a Foo Fighters song playing. Fred said he didn't play it but it was his computer. He said he doesn't know what happened. He said that's so fucked up.
Howard said they start the banging of these beams later in the morning. He said he has work to do the rest of the day after the show. He said they stopped at noon and started it up later and his room was shaking. He said they weren't pile driving but moving dirt with a machine that makes noise. He said he just needs an hour to mellow out. He said he was yelling at Beth and everyone. He said he's the King of All Media so he was upset and cranky. He said he went for his daily walk and was cranky doing that. He said he had everything timed out but then he forgot about the appointment he had with his shrink. He said he had to change things around and then Beth got annoyed with him being late for dinner. He said by the time he was done with everything for the show it was way past his bed time. He said he was very aggravated.
Howard said he had to work out and Beth came running into the gym and said it was Bang O'clock. He said he didn't know what was happening. He said he usually has to beg for a few hours. He said she said she was ready. He said that he just needed 5 minutes to shower since he had worked out. He said she saw the workout and he wasn't sweaty. He said he was supposed that she wanted that but she was right about the workout. He said he had Bang O'clock. He said he hopped off of her and showered after that. He said he was on fire with activities. He said he had no time to despair. He said it was just awesome. Howard said he never gets tired of having sex with that woman.
Robin asked how long it had been since the last time they had that. Howard said he doesn't keep track but it was a couple of days. He said he was relaxed after doing that. He said he got the poison out. He said it helped and he felt like king of the world.
Howard said he wants to have sex in time to the pile driving construction. He said Beth was telling him about guys who hit on her in the past and that gets him going too. He said she just does it without him asking. He said that gets him cuckoo and he's ready to go. Robin asked if he's less cranky today. Howard said he is. He said he has no problem with his boners. He said he's fully aroused when she just says it. He said she may have to rub him for a second and he's ready to go.
Howard said he has matured in many ways but his penis has not. Robin said they never grow up. Howard said he tells Beth that she should be naked in his bed. He said she does all of that Hydrow stuff and someone has to appreciate it. He said he's sure it's quite a treat to be with the King of All Media. Robin asked if she calls him that.
Howard said the day went so fast he didn't get on Facebook and watch bullying videos. He said he's not sure how they know he's into it but he likes that stuff. Robin said that's what Facebook does. Howard said he's not sure how they do it but they know what he's into. He said he hits the ''watch'' button and they start playing right away. Howard said it's not bullying but revenge videos. He said there was a scene where Denzel Washington is in The Equalizer and he's dressed in a knit cap minding his business and some guys on the subway are there and he mouths off to them. He said the guys are going to kill him and then he looks at his watch and beats the shit out of these guys and kills them all. He said he dusts himself off and goes to the head bad guy and they sit down and have a discussion about life and killing. He said Denzel tells him he'll kill him unless he turns himself in. He said there's another one where these kids beat up bullies in high school. He said it's movies scenes. He said he likes that kind of stuff. He said there's scenes from Karate Kid and movies like that. He said there's a Tom Cruise movie where these guys want to beat up Tom Cruise. He said Tom tells them to pay their bill now because he's going to fuck them up so bad that they won't be able to do it after they're done outside. He said he takes them outside and beats the shit out of them. He said he has them on the ground in like 3 seconds. Howard said he's watched that clip like 50 times now.
Howard said he loves these clips. He said he wishes he had been something different so he could have done stuff like that. Robin said here are no people who are like the people you see in the movies. Howard said he's convinced he could have done it. He said it's like Mike Tyson saying that he thinks he could have been a brain surgeon.
Howard said he was reading an interview with Dweezil Zappa about his dad helping him out with guitar. He said that his hero was Eddie Van Halen so his dad had him come over and give him lessons. Howard said what a great dad Frank was. He said his dad never had anyone come to their house to help him do anything. He said it was like The Munsters. He said he feels like he could have been Howard Van Reacher. He said he would love to be able to have that ability to beat some guy up in front of a girl. He said it would have been so cool if he had been able to fight the black kids who beat him up.
Robin said if he had been one on one he would have been better off. Howard said he had that too and he still got beaten up. He said he had a chance with white guys but they were always in packs. He said someone once said to him that now he beats people with his words. Howard said that's not what he wants. He said he wants to be like Clint Eastwood. He said he loves those Dirty Harry revenge type things. Howard told Robin about one scene he likes where this waitress messes up his coffee order and knew something was up with her. He said they had a bunch of white and black guys teaming up and robbing the diner. Robin said that's what's funny to her about the gangs in the movie being integrated. Howard said there's tremendous equality in the movies. He said it's like the United Nations of evil.
Howard said the gang looked like the front page of a college pamphlet. He said it was nice looking black and white men. He said Dirty Harry goes back in and complains about his coffee and then he blows the shit out of these guys with that big gun he has. He said no cop carries that big Magnum. He said that he can't just carry what everyone else carries.
Howard said Dirty Harry shoots up everyone and then he has that line ''You feel lucky, punk?'' Howard said he wants to be the guy who can defend himself. He said he wants to defend his woman. He said he would have been more self confident.
Howard said he would like to be able to beat up people, play the guitar and then do the radio show. Robin asked how he could fight if he has to play guitar. Howard said he'd beat people up with his feet. Robin said he's looking for too many super powers.
Howard said many rock stars can fight. He said look at Dee Snider. He said there's a great video of Dee over in England and this British dude mouthed off to Dee and Dee leveled the guy. He said that was a real fight. He said he was over in England performing with the band and they get to the guitar solo and Dee beats the shit out of someone in the crowd and got back on stage and finished the song. He said that song ''We're not gonna take it'' is really true. He said he didn't take it. Howard said he does take it. He sang ''I am gonna take it... I have no choice but to take it...'' Fred played a music bed for the song so Howard could sing his version.
Howard said he loves going on Facebook and watching those videos. He said he's not sure why people say Facebook isn't cool. He said they tell him to go on TikTok. He said they're all the same thing.
Howard said he's still watching Titans. He said it's good. Robin said she hasn't started that. Howard asked if anyone has watched Tomorrow War. He said he's not sure if it's good or not. JD said he saw it. Howard said he thinks he knows what it's about. JD said they travel to the future. Howard said he thought it was good. JD said he did too. Howard said he thinks he liked it. Robin said she hasn't seen that yet. She said she keeps moving when she sees it.
Howard asked what JD is eating. JD said peanuts. Howard thought he said ''penis.'' He said he has a whole handful in his mouth. He told him not to do that. He said why not just eat a couple at a time. He said if you eat one or maybe 2 or 3 at a time it's more enjoyable. He said that JD still has a mouth full. He said he can't even eat what he has in there. He said he looks like a chipmunk.
Howard asked why he eats like that. JD said that's how he likes to eat them. Robin said it's like making his own peanut butter in his mouth. Howard said he's like a peanut butter making machine. He asked how many he puts in there. JD said he pours some into his hand and eats them. He doesn't count. Howard said he's like The Fly. JD said he should have spit them out. He said they're lightly salted cocktail peanuts. Howard said that's not good.
Howard said he misses seeing JD eating. He said he used to have a big wad of potato chips in his mouth. JD said that would be his lunch. He said he'd get a bag of chips from the vending machine. Howard said he would stand in front of JD's office and watch him eat like he was in a cage. He said he never saw him wad up his peanuts like that.
Howard said he's thinking about how this isn't good for JD. He said that he's working with a nutritionist. He said it's helping him out a lot. He said he has nuts in his yogurt with blueberries. He said it's very satisfying. He said he puts a handful of nuts but doesn't eat them all at the same time.
Howard said you should have seen the big wad in JD's mouth. He said you watch monkeys and they eat one at a time. He said JD throws them all in his mouth at the same time. Robin said the monkeys have to eat them out of the shell. Howard said that would slow JD down a little bit. JD said he doesn't like to have to work for his food. He said he just wants to get at it.
Howard said he really misses seeing JD eat. He said he had a TV tray from American Idol. He said he'd eat on that. Robin said she never saw that. Howard said Robin would throw it right in the garbage. JD said he didn't want to eat off his desk. He said that he had his stuff on there. He said he put it over to the side. He said his eyes lit up when he saw that table. He said it was more of a necessity. Howard said he built his office around it. He said he had his pornos around the table. He asked how many of those pornos he had. JD said he had stacks of them in there. He said it was in case he needed them for whatever reason. Howard asked if he had some that had special attention. He said the stuff on the floor looked like they had gathered dust. JD said he was hoarding them and he just kept them around in case he needed clips.
Howard said he'd watch JD eat and see that he had a lot of gay porn. He said he claimed it was for work. He said he's not sure what JD is into but he had an interesting office.
Howard said everyone is weird but you see what JD is up to and see a lot of strange stuff in his office. He said that he had some odd books there. Robin said she never saw much of this stuff. Howard said she didn't have time to study him like he did. He said when Robin would come back there he had to kick her out because she made too much noise. Robin said that it was usually when Howard was in meetings. Howard said he did have to throw her out a couple of times. JD said he had to shush Robin a few times when he was The Shusher. Howard said he kind of misses staring at JD. He said even with the peanuts he's kind of liking it. He said JD's office is like a wet market. He said it was probably ground zero for COVID.
Howard said he once had Joe Buck go back and give a play by play of JD eating. He asked if JD remembers that. JD said of course he does. Howard played the clip of Joe doing the play by play.
Howard said JD odes this thing where he drinks water to break down his food. He said he drinks with food in his mouth and that's just weird. JD said he will laugh and food gets caught in his wind pipe so that's why he has to drink. Howard said putting water in there with the food will make you cough. Robin said he must take too big a bite. She said he has to do something. Howard said he acts like a guy in a hot dog eating contest. He said he drinks the water to get it down. He said he has to take smaller bites. JD said alright.
Howard said if Joe Buck was watching him eat he'd take small bites. JD said he wanted to get it over with so that's why he was eating big bites. Howard said he has to talk to him about this off the air. JD said he can watch him eat off the air.
Howard asked how many peanuts he eats. JD said he has 2 or 3 handfuls. Howard asked if he'd enjoy it more if he just ate slowly. He said he's not doing this to bust his balls. JD laughed and said ''Yeah, okay.'' Howard said he actually is but he's serious about the smaller bites. Robin asked how long that can of peanuts lasts. JD said maybe a week. Robin said no way. JD said he's not eating the whole can.
Howard asked what JD is eating for lunch these days. JD said he has a sandwich and chips. Howard asked why have chips. JD said he likes them. Howard asked what he likes to eat for a sandwich. JD said he likes roast beef. Howard asked what's on that. JD said it has cheese and roast beef and mayonnaise. He said it's on sour dough or something like that. Howard asked what kind of chips he eats. JD said it varies but it's regular or sour cream and onion. Howard said that's extra calories. He said sour cream makes his tongue go crazy. JD said he just has some out of a big bag that he puts on his plate. Howard asked JD if he takes a bite and then shoves a potato chip in there at the same time. JD said he has the sandwich and then eats the chips. He doesn't eat them together. Howard said that's fucked up. He said that makes no sense. He said he'd want to combine those.
Howard asked if JD eats everything individually. He said he has seen people do that. JD said for the most part he does. He said that he has the main dish and then the there stuff. He said if he has kale he'll eat that first to get it over with. He said he does eat things separately. Howard said JD is like a little kid. Robin said Chipotle is one of his favorite places and they mix things together. JD said he eats the stuff separately. He said he has chips ad guac and eats them all at different times for the most part.
Howard asked if JD will throw a chip in there occasionally. JD said he will. He said he usually eats things individually. Robin said he keeps saying ''for the most part'' over and over. JD said he's just clarifying. Howard said it sounds like he's living his best life.
Howard asked JD when he last had a physical. JD said a couple of months ago. Howard asked what his blood pressure and cholesterol were like. JD said he has high blood pressure so he takes medication for that. Howard asked what it was. JD said he doesn't know off hand. He said that even when he does that it would freak him out. Howard said everything freaks him out. Robin asked how old he is. JD said he's 41. Robin asked if he doesn't want to be taking pills at 41. JD said sure but he still wants to have fun.
Howard asked if he's drinking every night. JD said not every night. He said Friday and Saturday he drinks.
Howard said he knows that JD has been collecting sports cards. He said he gets football, baseball and basketball. He said he has over 2000 cards. Robin asked if that's a thing and he has to have them. JD said it's a hobby he has at the moment. Robin said it's just opening cards. Howard said he logs them in a database. JD said Jon Hein turned him on to that. He said if he wants to look up a player to see if he has the card he can do that. Howard said JD bought a Tiger Woods rookie card for 70 bucks. Howard asked where the card is. JD said it's in a little safe he has there. He said it's actually just a cabinet. Robin said the thieves would be very upset if they cracked open that safe. Howard said they break in and rip it open and they force JD at gun point to open it and they find a bunch of Tiger Woods cards. JD said they're worth money.
Howard asked what else is in there. JD said he has some comic books. Robin said the thieves are even more upset now. Howard said JD's safe is like what a 9 year old would have in it. He that's the kind of stuff he would have put in there at 9. JD said that's pretty much what he has and what he's got. Howard said he'd steal the safe and leave the contents.
Howard asked Jon what he thinks about this. Jon said JD has logged over 6,000 cards in this database. He said he looks at this like an investment. He said that he has over 31 Tiger Woods cards. He said he logs this stuff because he liked doing that kind of stuff as a kid. JD said it makes him happy so that's why he does it. Howard asked if he opens the safe and looks at them. JD said sometimes. Jon said he has some of them on display behind him. JD said that some of them have been graded so they're in display cases.
Jon said JD is so elitist when it comes to the cards. He said he gives him a hard time about the cards that have bent corners. Howard said you can just go print more out if you want to. JD said they are doing serial numbers on some cards now. He said they're limited.
Howard said why not invest in stocks instead. JD said they've had this discussion before. He said he's not into the stock market. Howard said why not invest in a house. JD said he is doing that. He said he will sell cards if he has to. Howard said if he had a house he could have made money on that. He asked how much he has invested in cards. JD said thousands. Jon said he thinks he's spent over 10,000 on cards. JD said over time sure. Howard said JD could take the cards and glue them together in the shape of a house and then live in it.
Jon said it really does bring JD joy to do it. He said he's not going to make money doing it though. Howard said he has to get a hold of this kid again. He said he was doing a lot better at the office. He said he was mentoring him there at work. He said he was able to guide him.
Robin asked what he does with the cards. She said she has to know. She asked if he rubs them or something. JD said that they are pieces of art in a way to him. Jon said that's the elitist attitude there.
Howard said you can't touch the cards or they'll lose value. Howard said JD has to go into his database and figure out what to put on display. He asked if he washes his hands before handling them. JD said he does.
Howard said he thinks that's enough of JD. He said thanks for the look into his private life. He told Jon to keep tabs on him. JD said he always is.
Howard got a note about the number of cards he has and how much they're worth. They were worth less than a dollar a piece. Howard asked JD where the safe is. JD showed him. Howard said he can't see it. JD said it's the black thing right there. Jon said JD has some Beavis and Butt-Head cards too. JD said he got them from someone. Howard said he doesn't know much about investing but if he took that $4,000 and double it by next year in the stock market. Robin said not JD. She said he has cards he wants to get.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Dan Rather who was live in JD's office at the Howard Stern compound. He said the floor is covered with peanut butter jars and baseball cards. He said it's like a 13 year old boy used to live there. He read the list of porn that was still in his office. The list went on and on. Howard let Dan go after he read a bunch of porn titles.
Robin asked if JD is into these NFTs. JD said he can't get into that. He said there's no physical thing. Howard said enough of this. He said they can leave JD alone now.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that if JD put $1000 in the market in 2020 he would have like 5 grand now. He said you couldn't miss last year. He said even this year is good.
Ralph asked if JD wants to buy a Dr. Fauci card. JD said no thanks. He said he tried to sell that to him before. JD said that he put money into cryptocurrency and made some money in that. Howard said that he must have a 401K. JD said he does and he has plenty in there. Howard said that's enough. He let JD go and said he might have to take a break. He said he didn't know they spent so long on JD.
Howard said he has some audio of JD that would explain a lot about him. He said they basically saved his life according to this evaluation they did. JD said they did. Howard said every business has one case where they take in one person like that. He said JD is a good worker. JD said he feels like he overcame some things.
Howard said JD would be one of those guys who would fall through the cracks and he'd still be falling. He said that he'd be rocking back and forth in some room somewhere. He said at Walmart he'd be called a greeter. JD said he's not sure he'd even be able to do that. He said that would be too stressful.
Howard took another call from Ralph who said that Jon Hein has to pay off his Jeopardy bet. He said that it wasn't Ken Jennings so he thinks he owes him something. Howard said he knows. He said Jon slinked out of that bet. Jon said hold on here. Ralph said none of the announced hosts were Ken Jennings. Jon said that Ken is hosting though. Howard said that Mike Richards was the host. Howard said he thinks Jon owes him the money. Jon said he will pay Howard. He said that Ken will be the host eventually. Howard said give the money to charity. Jon said he'll pay off when he sees him next. Howard said they won't see each other for 10 years. Howard said his wife is convinced he'll never leave the house. He said she might be right.
Howard asked Jon if he's really learning bass. Jon said he is. He said he's worse than Howard. Howard said he wants to jam with him. Ralph said he wants his $100. He said he doesn't care about this bass thing. Jon said next time he sees him he'll pay him off. He said he has to wear a mask. Ralph said send it over Venmo or whatever. He said he'll settle for the $100 but it should be 200. Jon said he will pay off his bets. He said he may owe Robin too. Robin said she forgot about whatever it was. Jon said go through the logs and he'll pay off whatever he owes. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said part of being a rock star is that you have to be free. He said Lady Gaga is able to write ''Ra, ra, ah, ah, ah'' and get away with it. He said he'll have to talk to Dave about that. He said he should be able to write something like that and not think about it.
Howard took a call from a woman, Amanda, who said she's 34 and guys on dates are the first ones to bring out the condom. She said she's about to go on a date and she wondered if it's slutty to be the first one to bring out the condom and have a supply with her. Howard said it sounds like she likes to fuck on the first date a lot. Howard said it sounds bright to have the condom on her. He said it seems like a good idea to him. Amanda said she figured it's not a bad idea. Howard said maybe you should ask the guy and don't bring it up if he has one. He said if the guy doesn't have one then you bring it up and say one fell into her purse the other day.
Howard asked how much time goes by on a date before she's banged him. She said that it might not be 20 minutes but she said that she has hooked up with guys on the same day too. She said that might be worse. She said she'll meet a guy and bang him. Howard said it sounds like she has a strong libido. Robin said it's okay if she wants to do that. Howard said there's no shame here.
Howard asked Amanda if she's banged a guy in an hour. She said if she knows him maybe. She said that she usually gets to know the guy before. Howard said she sounds like she's hot. Amanda said that's very flattering. Howard asked if she's hot. Amanda said this is one of her goals in life to talk to Howard. Howard asked how hot she is. She said she's been told she looks like Jennifer Aniston. Howard said that's a good look. Howard asked if her body is as good as her's. Amanda said that she works out. She said she will have a stripper pole in her house soon. She said that she also does metal work. She said she does fabrication.
Howard said it sounds like she's very free with her body. Amanda said she was listening to Howard 101 the other day and Ronnie made a statement about not being able to get a girl off by fingering her. She said that she disagrees with that. She said you can do that if you know what you're doing. Howard said he's never fingered a girl properly. He said he's pretty sure he doesn't know what he's doing. He said you have to trim your nails properly too.
Amanda said she went to a strip club on her birthday once and this stripper got her off and she doused her with her cum. Howard said that the strippers will fuck around with the girls at the clubs. Amanda said that the stripper went down on her and she rubbed her too. She said she squirted all over her and her face. Howard said she's a real woman. He said she's his kind of gal. He asked if she's into guys who collect baseball cards. Amanda said she doesn't discriminate.
Howard asked if she's as hot as Jennifer Aniston and running around at strip clubs and fucking guys on first dates. He asked if she's ever married. She said she's been engaged a few times but she never got married. She said she ended up breaking it off.
Howard asked if she dates guys that look like Ross from Friends. Amanda said not really. Howard asked about what she makes with the metal stuff. Amanda said she doesn't want to disclose what she makes but it is high end work. Howard asked if she's been drinking at all. He said she sounds drunk. Amanda said it's just early and she's driving to work. Howard asked how big her boobs are. She said a 34-C. Howard said they sound perfect. Amanda said she's been told they're perfect. She said she enjoys them. Howard said this is pretty fucking awesome. Howard asked if Robin enjoys her titties. Robin said no.
Howard asked if Amanda is into anal. She said she's done it but she's not that into it. She said she likes bondage. She said she has the riding crop and whips and stuff. She said she wouldn't be opposed to being tied up. She said she likes a little bit of that stuff. Howard asked if she has had her vagina whipped. She said she has had that sometimes. She said it depends on the mood. She said that she likes it when guys smack her ass really hard and grab it.
Howard said he tried tying women up but he didn't know what to do. He said he'd leave the room after tying them up. He said that didn't work out so well. Amanda said that she had a guy do that to her and he came back. Howard said he left the room and then he was thinking all he wanted to do was bang. He said he went back in and 2 seconds later he untied her and did it. He said it wasn't all that great. Amanda said she doesn't need that a lot. She said she likes the intimacy aspect of it too. She said it is fun to get freaky once in a while.
Howard said he's not very good at tying knots. He said they'd always get out. He said he'd use his neck tie and they were out in a few seconds. He said he did one where the woman had her arms outstretched and her legs were spread. He said he really didn't want to do anything but put his penis inside her. He said there wasn't much to do when they were tied up.
Howard asked Amanda what the guy does to her when she's tied up. She said he'll smack her ass and do different things. He said he'll use a vibrator on her. Howard said that's a good idea. She said he'll fuck her from behind too. Howard said she sounds like a party. Robin said this is the girl who asked if they should carry a condom. Howard said it is a good idea. Amanda said that it is good to have one. Howard asked if she ever pees on guys. Amanda said no. She said she's not into that at all. Howard said Sal loves that. He said he slipped him a note asking about that. Amanda said Sal is fucking hilarious. She said she is a fan of his.
Howard asked if she's into threesomes. Amanda said yes. She said it's not as often as she'd like but she is into it. Robin asked when she has time to work. Amanda said she works really hard.
Howard asked if she goes to a bar and meets a couple and goes home with them. Amanda said it's usually couples she already knows. She said she just knows the right people. She said there are groups out there in California that she's into. She said she doesn't have one primary sex partner. She said she's into the polyamorous community.
Howard said she must be super hot. He asked what her waist size is. Amanda said she's like a 29 or 30. She said she's like 118 pounds. Howard asked what her hips are. She said she's got like a 29 or 30 waist. Howard said she's built like a box. Howard said he's build like a Z. He asked her to email a picture of herself holding today's paper and a condom. Amanda said that her uncle used to be a condom salesman. She said that she has it in her genes. Howard said it sounds like she's had a lot of guys in her jeans. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said that he wants to talk about this at length but he has to get to Dave Grohl. He said his book is really good. He said he read it in like 2 days. He said that's how good it is. He said he has to talk to him about the ghost stuff that he wrote about in his book. He said he got scared when he read about it. He went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he's really into this song. He said Dave must know these guys. He asked if he does. Dave said he does of course. He said they're amazing. Dave said that he has a story about Warren Haynes. He said on 9/11 he called his mother because she lived close to the Pentagon. He said that he asked his management if there were any tour buses around. He said his mother had to share the bus with Warren and the Allman brothers if she wanted to get out to L.A. He said he told his mom that he was the sweetest guy. He said they crossed the country together and made best friends.
Howard said he loves his new book. He said it's full of crazy stories. Howard said tomorrow he's intervening Mick Jagger. Dave said that's huge. He said he's shocked that's never happened. Howard said he does very few interviews. He said he had to move the show. He said he doesn't care though. He said he only has Mick for 40 minutes but he already has 2 pages of questions. He said he has to ask about so much.
Dave said he got a text from an English number and he was wondering if that was Mick because he signed it ''Mick.'' He said that he called the number and it turned out it really was Mick Jagger. He said he asked what he was up to and he found out that he got a dance studio to warm up for the tour. He said he kept the studio and kept dancing. He said Mick is still dancing for a year during the pandemic. He said the guy is incredible.
Howard said they once clocked how much he moves and they found he runs like 12 miles during a concert. He said that's amazing.
Howard asked Dave about working with Mick. Dave said that he did a song about COVID with him. He said they went back and forth sending the song. He said that song was so raw and noisy. He said it sounded like Radiohead in a blender. He said he realized that it's those guys who are the originators that are willing to take the risks. He said that they really take the risks and make them look straight. He said that they invented rock and roll.
Howard said that Dave did a song with Paul McCartney and that was so raw and crazy. Dave said that Paul came in with a guitar made out of a cigar box that day. He said it was crazy.
Howard had the song that Dave and Mick worked on together. He played some of the song. Howard asked if they're never in the same room. Dave said he thinks Mick was in Italy at the time. He said it was just a few days when they were done. Howard asked why he was working with him on the song. Dave said he didn't ask. He said you don't ask when you're in that world.
Howard said Dave has written a great book called The Storyteller that he's there to promote. Howard said this has everything in it that you want to read.
Howard said in the book Dave has a story about this girl in school that he had no chance with. He said that Dave went to this girl, Sandy, and asked her out in 7th grade. He said he'd never have the balls to ask her out. He said Dave did. He said he wasn't confident at all. He said he didn't have any of this going on. He said Sandy said yes that she'd be his girlfriend. He said for one glorious week she was his girlfriend. He said he was like a stud. He said after a week she said she wanted to play the field. Howard asked if he got to do anything with her. Dave said he thinks he held hands and talked on the phone call night but that was about it.
Howard said after that Dave wanted to become a rock star and that he was going to make her eat her heart out some day. Howard said that's how he felt about being a radio star. He said he wanted them to see that he had become something desirable.
Dave said he loves this version of the story. Howard said he loves this story so much. He said he got into rock and roll to get laid. He said Dave studies the drums and all of this and years later a friend contacts him. He said he was about to play a show in DC. He said his friend asked if he remembers Sandy because she wants to come to the show. Howard said Dave had to prepare for this. He said this is why he got into rock and roll. He said it was all about Sandy. Howard said Sandy shows up back state and she looks good. Dave said absolutely. Howard said he's talking with her and she's about to worship him.
Dave said that he loves Howard's version of the story. He said that she was his first love and this is about that. He said that you want her to love you and you want her to be yours and all of that. He said this was the first time he felt that. He said when Sandy accepted his offer to be the future Mrs. Grohl he was over joyed. He said he barely knew how to play guitar but he had posters on his wall and all of that. He said that he was very heartbroken when she told him she didn't want to be with him. He said that's when he turned to the guitar. He said he was heart broken at 13 and figured he was never going to be on a poster or anything. He said he was so heartbroken that he had to pick up that guitar and become a rock star. He said he had a way to deal with it. He said he turned his pain into heartbreak. He said he had a dream that night that he was on stage playing a lead at the lip of the stage and she was in the front row crying with regret.
Howard said he has had the same fantasy. He said that you think they just wanted to be with you after you make it like that. He said it's just revenge. Dave said that the fucked up thing is that they were playing this gig in his home town. He said it was their first sold out show there. He said he shows up and his friend brought Sandy with him. Howard asked what she was wearing. Dave said he doesn't remember. He said that they started talking and they were talking about life and all of that. He said that his manager told him he had to write a set list because they had to be on in 20 minutes. Howard said that's great. He said he would have planned it in front of her. Dave said that he does remember that night he was on stage at the lip of the stage and he looked down and Sandy was right there just like she was in his dream at 13. He said she was looking at him laughing about what a fucking asshole he was. He said that he had told her the story before so she knew it. He said he's remained friends with her for years since then. He said that everyone kept in touch over the years.
Howard said it would be so great if she came back and said she was in love with him and threw herself at him. He said that would be so great. Dave said that wouldn't have been the best idea. Howard said in his mind he thinks she's still in love with him.
Howard said Dave says in the book that he learned to play drums and he did this thing where he would play the drums on his teeth and that made it so he had to go to the dentist. He said that he also says that Kurt Cobain did it. Dave said that it sounds like this and demonstrated it on his teeth. Howard said that's how he did it. He said that he would drum for Nirvana and he saw Kurt doing the same thing to keep the beat going. Dave said if you watch the Unplugged thing they did you can see Kurt keeping time with his jaw. He said what he learned is that a lot of musicians do the same thing. He said when you do that you're just utilizing any resource you have. He said that he would walk to school and play songs with his teeth until he got to his locker. He said the dentist asked if he chews on ice. He said that he told the doctor what he does and he told him to get the fuck out of his office.
Howard said no wonder Sandy dumped him. He said he had rotten teeth. Dave said by the time he's 60 he'll look like a Meth head. Howard said that's interesting that Kurt did it too.
Howard said the other thing in the book he has a hard time believing is that he had just one guitar lesson and he's self taught other than that. He said he was watching him with Farrell and he was saying that he's such a great drummer. He said he convinced him he's not a great drummer but he thinks he is a great drummer. He said it's kind of a proven fact. He asked why this insistence that he's not a great drummer. He said that Kurt was also a great guitar player.
Dave said that he sent Howard a foreword about a book he had done for a John Bonham book. He said he wrote that and sent it to Howard for this book called ''Beast.'' He said that he talks about feel and how it's indefinable. He said that it's about your inner personality and how it's determined by the universe. He said that no two drummers play the same. He said that the guys he likes are the guys you can recognize by hearing them play. He said it's not the technicality about drumming. He said when he thinks about his own drumming most drummers think he's just so basic. He said the most important thing is the feel and his thing. He said that he doesn't feel like Neil Peart. He said he's more of a Charlie Watts or Ringo kind of drummer. He said Howard told him that painters have a signature feel too. He said it's the same thing. Howard said he can look at some paintings because you can see their style.
Howard asked Dave about this thing he had for John Bonham that he had built. He asked what the 606 stood for in that thing. Dave said one night his dad gave hi a lecture about what he was going to do with his life. He said he wrote a runaway note and left it on the table. He said he was closing the door and he saw that his apartment was number 606. He said that he didn't put that together until he wrote the book. He said he kept seeing that number all over the place like he had OCD. He said he thinks it represented something to him about the birth of his independence. He said that he was maybe 17 and he was taking mushrooms and acid then. He said he was out of his mind. He said he had this idea to find that signature feel he had to get it from the universe. He said he built this altar to John and begged the universe to be a rock star.
Howard said he's mixed on his father after reading the book. He said his father told him he was going to be a loser if he didn't finish high school. He said that he kind of hinted that he had an alcohol problem. He said maybe he was just scared for him. He said that his dad didn't seem mean. Dave said no. Howard said then he disowned him when he dropped out of school. Dave said he could write a whole book about that relationship. He said they were very conflicted. He said his father was a classically trained flutist. He said that he's sure he could see music. He said he wrote an article about this for The Atlantic. He said he wrote about their similarities. He said that they had a strained relationship until he was in his 20s when they became friends. He said that they saw each other on a new level then. He said his mother was okay with him dropping out is because she was an English teacher and she didn't think he was a complete idiot. He said she knew that he wasn't going to make it in school so she told him he just had to be good. He said his father just wished him luck. Howard said he told him to stay off the drugs too. He said he was basically telling him he wasn't in his life anymore.
Howard said it sounds like his parents were so different that it's not clear why they married. Dave said they met in theater. He said they both loved art and theater. He said that he thinks his mother thought that he was going to be in theater and live in New York. He said his father ended up joining the army and going to Germany. He said his father was so funny but he had a fucked up childhood. He said he's not sure he knew how to be a dad. He said he loves being a father himself and he wonders why he didn't do some of this stuff with his father. He said that he loved hanging out with his dad.
Howard said maybe he was a heavy drinker because he was dissatisfied. He said he may have had the same dreams and maybe he was jealous of his own son. Dave said that didn't happen until much later. He said his father told him that this Nirvana thing wasn't going to last. He said maybe a year. He said that he thought the same thing.
Howard asked if he ever jammed with his father. He said that would have been beautiful. Dave said he never did. He said he remembers hearing his father playing his flute and it was the only time he heard it. He said that he had to stop laying because he couldn't support a family playing it. He said he didn't think he should play it unless you can play it for 4 hours a day. He said that he just stopped and never picked it up again.
Howard said he gets sad thinking about his father. He said it was his dream and he told him not to go after it. He said it could have been a diaster.
Howard said there's a thing in the book about this band he had in high school called Dane Bramage. He said he loves that name by the way. He said that Dave got into punk and he was into this band named Scream. He said they were booking gigs and making money. He said Dave finds out that Scream is looking for a drummer. He said that he got an audition for the band and he ended up playing their songs for them and he got the job. Dave said he lied to them about his age and experience. Howard said they said to Dave that he was now the drummer for Scream and Dave said he can't take the job. He said he read this and Dave asked to go back to be the drummer after the guy they hired had kids and quit the band. Howard said that Dave became a professional musician by getting into that band.
Howard said the some thing happened to him. He said he sat in his room and dreamt of getting that job. He said this one guy offered him a job in radio but he thought he was so bad that it would be a diaster. He said he turned down his dream job. Howard asked Dave why he turned it down. Dave said that when he went to that audition he didn't think he'd get the job. He said that he knew their songs because that's how he learned to play drums. He said he knew their music back and forth. He said he knew every single song. He said he just wanted bragging rights to be able to use that with his friends. He said that he was blown away getting to meet the guys. Dave said he told them that he knew all of their songs when they asked what he wanted to play. He said he was still in high school and in a band with his friends. He said when they asked him he thought about his life and he wondered how much of his life he'd have to throw in the dumpster. He said that he wasn't sure he was capable of that.
Dave said that he went to see the band play again and he saw them and it blew his mind when they came out and played. He said that's when he knew he had to do it. He said that's when he asked them again if he could play for them.
Howard said he has to her about van life. He said Dave lived that life. He said he had to pack up the van and sleep in it. He said you have to be young and full of dreams to live that life. Dave said you can do it if you love music that much. He said he was sleeping on the same stages he was playing. He said they had a $7 a day per diem. He said that's all they had. He said that he was getting food and maybe some cigarettes. Howard said he was being paid though. Dave said he was. He said he was rolling around in a van with six other stinky dudes and it was fucking great.
Howard said Iggy Pop is another big idol of Dave's and he ended up playing for him. He said he was in Scream at the time. Dave said that was up in Toronto. He said they had to do a sound check at noon that day. He said they saw that Iggy Pop posters were going up. He said they were going to be in the same club with the guy. He said they begged to be able to see him play but they had to go in the van and wait. He said they're sitting there waiting and someone asked how the drummer was. He said he thought he had done something wrong. He said the guy asked him if he wanted to play with Iggy Pop. He said he asked if he knew his music and he said absolutely. He said that he ended up playing with Iggy and it sounded amazing. He said that night they played and he felt like he was making it that one night. He said the record company people were asking if they were the band and all of that. He said he could have had anything he wanted right then. He said that was it for him. He said he knew he could make it. Howard said that's like Chuck Berry and how he played. Dave said that he learned that Rick Astley has the biggest balls. He said he jammed with them in Japan once and he just got up and did it without rehearsal.
Howard said Dave talks about how he used to reverse his drum sticks. Dave said he turned them around eventually. He said that he had lessons abut they were 30 bucks an hour. He said he figured it out himself after that one lesson. He said if you don't have someone telling you how to do it then you can take chances. He said he was going to learn to be a studio drummer and get himself back in school and get a real job. He said then Nirvana became popular and he forgot all about that.
Howard said the band Scream had him in the band and he had to decide to leave that band for Nirvana. Howard said he felt really bad about it. He said his mom is quite a remarkable woman. He said she says to him that sometimes you have to put your needs in front of other people. Dave said what he realized was that she was referring to was their divorce. He said that she said that like it was what she had to do with her husband. Dave said that he was surprised at the time but he realized when he wrote the book that it was about what she had to do. He said when he got into Nirvana he had a 99 cent a day budget. He said that it was the music that kept him alive.
Howard asked what Nirvana did that got him into it. Dave said that they had 5 drummers before him. He said they had an album out before the one he did and they had this song called ''About a Girl'' and it was something like a Beatles song. He said it blew his mind. He said they had seen him play and they wanted someone like that. He said he called and talked to them on the phone. He said he had to decide if he should leave Scream or not. He said he called his mom and she gave him the advice. He said then it happened. Howard said it made sense but not financially. Dave said they were bummed when he left. He said they had been through so much together. He said they were touring squats in Germany. He said it was crazy stuff. He said you band together when you do that. He said that was a difficult thing to do.
Howard said he has so many good stories in the book. He said that he told one story about getting a $400 check and he spent it on a BB gun and things like that. Dave said he spent it on stuff that he didn't have as a kid. He said that he was back to having 99 cent hot dogs a week later.
Howard said Dave talks about how he always knew when he had to do a fill because he'd watch Kurt's feet and when he'd hit the distortion pedals he knew he had to do a fill. Howard said that kind of stuff is interesting to him.
Dave said they would rehears in this barn and they would start out with some noise and some of that would turn into a song. He said it's all about intuition. He said that as soon as he saw Kurt's foot go there he knew he had to do a fill. He said they were famous for that quiet/loud dynamic and that's where it came from.
Howard said Krist Novoselic holds his bass really low. Dave said Krist is really tall at 6'7'' and a half. He said the bass is really big and heavy. He said he liked playing it that way. He said he wasn't able to get a bass strap long enough so he had to double it with a towel. He said no one played like him. He said it was the way they all played that the band sounded the way it did.
Howard said the band blows up and it changed music. He said Lars was on talking about how that changed music in the 90s. He said that Dave felt like the band was huge when they got on Saturday Night Live. He said that was the marker for Dave. He asked what it was that made him feel like that. Dave said it was all of the bands he had seen on the show. He said his background starts with The Beatles and Steve Martin. He said he would watch Saturday Night Live and it was all legends playing on the show. He said they would have such great bands on the show. He said that gave him a musical education watching that show. He said that when he first walked in there it was like walking into the Sistine Chapel. He said that his life dream was happening right then. He said he's done that show 14 times now.
Howard said he loves that appearance on Saturday Night Live. He asked if it meant as much to Kurt and Krist. Dave said he thinks they all felt the same thing. He said they all processed it in different ways. He said that it may have scared Kurt. He said for him it was like he knew he didn't have to go work in the furniture warehouse ever again.
Howard said Dave broke his stick there when the song started. He said that he must have had more sticks. Dave said you usually do. He said that was terrifying. He said that was worst case scenario. He said that he broke his stick in the first song. Howard asked if that happens a lot. Dave said it does because he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing.
Howard said he knows he has to get out of there at 10. He said that this book is such a good book. He said it's called The Storyteller and it comes out next week. Howard asked Dave if he has someone to induct the band into the hall of fame yet. Dave said he can't tell him yet. He said they have to make that decision. He said they have to figure out when they can tell everyone. He said it's going to be fun. He said to see Nate and Pat get into the hall of fame is great. He said he's in there with nirvana already but Pat Smear is going to be in the Hall of Fame. Howard said he's so entertaining to watch. He said he wishes he could play and jump up and down. Dave said as he was writing that book he figured Pat has to write a book. He said he has stories that are fucking insane. He said he asked Pat why he's not writing a book and Pat said he is but just for one person, his daughter. Howard said that's a great idea. He said maybe he'll release it.
Howard said he heard that Dave is doing a reading. Dave said he is and he made a show out of it. He said it's a production. He said he demonstrates all of this stuff that he did in his life. He said that he has a slide show too. Howard said Dave is cursed like he is. He said you want to do something simple and you have to do it like that. He said you think that people can't love something simple. He said now he has more pressure on him than doing an arena show. Dave said that's the thing. He said he didn't know if he could do these things in his life and that's why he did them. Howard said he thinks he's looking for love in all the wrong places. He said that's why he's doing so much. Dave said he does it just because he wants to show he can do it. Howard said he has to be the greatest book writer of all time so he has to do it. Dave said he just wants to bring people joy. Howard said he's going to give them a lot of joy. He said he's doing a one man show.
Howard said this book is so good. He said he had such a good time reading it. He said it's out next week on October 5th. Howard said he knows he has to get out of here. Robin said some of the grit in the stories is amazing.
Howard said he forgot to bring this up. He said he has to tell him this. He said he doesn't believe in ghost stories but he wrote about his house being haunted and he got scared reading about the face he saw right up to his face. He said he almost skipped over it because he was getting fucked up. Dave said it freaked him out because he lived in that house for a year and a half after that. He said the house was haunted. Howard said there's no such thing. Dave said he never thought that there was but there was something in that house. He swears there was. He said he had dreams of this old woman with muddy feet standing in his living room.
Howard said he wants to talk more about that next time they see each other. Howard said he doesn't believe in psychics either so they have to talk about that story in his book.
Howard let Dave go after that. He said he knew he had to get out of there after an hour. He said he had a lot to talk to him about. He said he didn't get to it all. Robin said some of the stories are just so amazing in the book. She said the musical stuff was coming out and it's a crazy life he had. Howard said the whole book is filled with that stuff.
Howard said Dave goes into a lot of detail. He said the ghost story thing was crazy. He said Dave is blessed he has a memory about that stuff. He said he can't remember anything. He said he has to have Gary fill him in when he forgets stuff.
Howard said the ghost story really did weird him out. He said Dave tells a story about feeling a face next to his when he was sleeping. He said he got really weirded out. He said he's never had a ghost in his house.
Howard said when someone writes a book he needs like 9 hours with them. He said he has a bunch of UFO stuff in the book too. Robin said he has a great imagination.
Howard said Dave has so much in the book. He said he loves Paul McCartney and he was thinking about the similarities between Dave and Paul. He went through that stuff and how Dave and Paul both left big bands and they went off and played all the instrumentations on their solo albums. He said look at the parallels there and no wonder they love each other.
Howard said tomorrow they'll be doing a show starting at 1:15 in the afternoon. He said they're having Mick Jagger on. He said that Mick is another great musician he wants to talk to. He said that he's not sure Mick could even name all the songs he's written. Robin said you wonder if he has to relearn songs that they haven't played. Howard said they do. He said he knows they do.
Howard said he's going to end the show. He said they'll get to the mail and the Long Island Medium story tomorrow. He said he'll talk to Mick and then get to that stuff. He said he'll have to figure out if he can call him Mick or Mr. Jagger. He said he'll check with him.
Howard gave Dave another plug for his book The Storyteller and that Foo Fighters Radio returns to channel 105 soon. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Howard said he's always wanted to have Mick on the show. He said he can't thank him enough for doing this today. He said his music has meant more to him than just about anything. He said as a young man the Rolling Stones inspired him. Mick thanked him for all of the compliments. He said it's very nice to talk to him too. He said he woke up in Charlotte North Carolina this morning. He said he heard a street preacher out there who woke him up. He said he could hear the cadence of his preaching. He said it was a very weird wake up. He said he knew where he was from that.
Howard asked if it pisses him off when he's so successful but he can't get a good night sleep because some guy is out there yelling. Mick said that was a small thing. He said you have to look at the good side of it. He said it's not every morning you're woken up like that. He said that it's not a jackhammer.
Howard asked if he gets superstitious about things when he can't get enough sleep. He asked if he gets neurotic about his voice. Mick said that if you don't get enough sleep you don't feel good about yourself. He said you have to get some sleep. He said he's not superstitious about it. He said there are some people who are and they have to wear the same socks or something. He said he's not like that. Mick said on show day it's the minute you get up that you have a time line leading up to the show. He said it's kind of military for him. He said you still have to relax before going on stage.
Howard said he compared himself to a sports guy. He asked if he has to have some sort of relaxation technique that he can write a song to. Mick said there are two main parts of writing. He said the inspiration is the first part. He said then you have to finish the verse and all of that. He said the inspiration is the most interesting in a way. He said it comes when you're not trying to do something. He said the more relaxed you are and the more fun you're having is when you have the inspiration. He said after that then you have to sit down and learn this bit and you have to have a beginning middle and end. He said that's the hours you have to put in. He said you can't sit down and make yourself write something.
Howard said he spoke to Willie Nelson and he said he just drove around and wrote some of his best songs doing that. He said it's the relaxed sort of calm that brings the songs to him. He said it's interesting. Mick said you find whatever works for you.
Howard said he went through all of his catalog and he thinks the bravest thing he did was turn to his father and tell him he was dropping out of college to join a rock and roll band. He said that took a lot to do that. He said that his dad was a gym teacher and a practical kind of guy. He said he wanted him to do well and his heart was in the right place. He asked what happened when he did that. Mick said it wasn't quite as simple as that. He said in those days being a rock singer wasn't a career. He said now you can go to school to learn how to do that stuff. He said you can take courses. He said none of that existed back then. He said that people in the business did it for maybe a year. He said it wasn't a career path. He said his father was a lecturer by then and he was quite an academic child himself. He said his parents didn't see him being into show business. He said they never saw that in him even though he was outgoing. He said they wanted to keep him in the academic world and he liked that. He said he enjoyed that. Mick said it was a bit boring in some ways. He said he had been doing music since he was 12 and he did shows. He said it was just a weekend kind of thing though. He said they never thought it was serious. He said it was easy for him to do it because he was in college and he went to see his tutor and he told him that if it didn't work out he could come back to college. He said it was a win-win for him. He said his father was upset about it. He said then they became successful so his father was depressed for a year but then he saw it was happening.
Howard asked if his father got to see his great success. Mick said he did. He said his parents would come to shows and he wasn't thrilled about that. He said it was inhibiting. He said he did some crazy things that were overtly sexual and he didn't like doing that in front of his parents.
Howard said he thinks the decision to dance on stage was a big decision. He said you see some bands like Oasis and bands like that and they just stand there like a stone wall. He said dancing had to be a big decision. Mick said The Beatles made this conscious decision to not dance on stage. He said they did move a bit but they didn't dance. He said they didn't want to do what Elvis did. He said that wasn't there thing according to what he read. He said he's not sure if that's true or not. He said he just wasn't able to stay still on stage. He said he had to move around. He said it just went from there.
Howard said being a singer in a band requires a real confidence. He said that people might goof on you but fuck them. He said it seems obvious now but back then it didn't. He said it requires some freedom. Mick said you have to be an extrovert if you're a lead singer in a band. He said you watch other people and copy them. He said you see James Brown and you want to do what he did. He said they had great moves. He said they had signature moves. He said as a singer that's part of it. He said it's not enough just to be a singer. He said you have to have moves. He said people see you have that and they expect it from you. He said that's part of what it is to be a lead singer.
Mick said that there's the alternate part where you don't want to do that. He said you might want to center the audience on the stage so you hold still. He said that way you're not running around like a chicken with its head cut off. He said he does have to control himself at times so he doesn't move. He said when he was much younger he just did crazy things. He said he would jump off stage and into the organ pit. He said he'd hurt his knees doing that. He said he didn't know what he was jumping into. He said he could do crazy things he hadn't rehearsed. He said they were dangerous things. He said in the 80s he was still climbing up 60 foot stages and go on top of them. He said that's part of the fun and performing for him.
Howard said Mick has said in the past that the Beatles were boring to watch. He said the Stones are more interesting. Mick said that Keith has moves and when he was starting off the had moves and looks he'd do. He said they used to do tons of television and that's the way to get known. He said they had to have these looks. He said you had to have those looks instead of moves. He said Keith had a lot of different ways of doing that. He said every guitarist has those. He said Pete Townshend had moves.
Howard asked if Mick is aware of guys who are making moves on stage like Chris Robinson. Mick said they do them in their own way. He said he tried to copy James Brown so he had to make them into his own moves. He said they do that with their moves.
Howard said he heard that Mick did something where he tried to do a James Brown move and he hit himself in the face with the microphone. Mick said that's true. He said that's the danger of practice. He said Prince did that too. He said it wasn't just James who did the move. He said it was a move that everyone had to do. He said he was never very good at it.
Howard said he was talking to Dave Grohl yesterday and they talked about the call he got from Mick about doing this song together. He said that he was in a dance studio during the lock down. He said he heard that he moves about 12 miles during the time he's on stage during a show. Mick said it's something like that. Howard said before he does a tour he gets a dance studio and just dances for an hour or two. Mick said that when you're training for a tour you have to do things like that. He said he has to do voice and all of that. He said he has to do gym, voice, upper body and sprinting. He said his favorite part is dancing. He said that's what he's doing on stage so that's more like what he'll be doing on stage. He said he tells his trainer that they need more dancing. He said that's more fun to fool around with.
Howard asked Mick if he gets resentful that he has to do so much training while everyone else doesn't. Mick said that's what he has to do. He said they have to do other things. He said it's just part of the job. He said if you play drums you're putting out a lot of energy. He said if they make a mistake they can't stop. He said he can stop if he wants to. He said a drummer can't stop. He said if you stop everyone will stare at you. He said just one beat will get everyone in the band to look at you.
Howard said if you've never seen the Rolling Stones you have to go see them. He said it's like going to church but actually feeling something. He said that you must go. He said he likes how he opens the show now with a tribute to Charlie Watts. He said he found it fascinating what they do. He said he saw video of it. He said what they show is a very steady beat. He said it wasn't his fanciest stuff. He said it shows he was the heartbeat of the band. Mick said that's what it is. He said he was the heartbeat for the band. He said he was a steady personality too. He said he was very reliable and he wasn't a diva. Howard said there are no divas in the band. Mick laughed. He said that you don't want a diva drummer. He said that Charlie was a subtle drummer and he did love Jazz and that gave him the subtlety that he may not have had if he hadn't played Jazz. He said he was a steady rock drummer too. He said that he really misses Charlie because he had a great sense of humor. He said that they used to hang out a lot and they liked sports so they'd go to cricket games and things together. He said they didn't just have music in common. He said he really misses Charlie so much being up there playing. He said every time they play now they talk about Charlie doing things. He said he was a very quirky guy. He said they did so many shows and tours with him. He said it's strange being without him. He said when he was sick he told them they have to go on with the tour so they did.
Howard said he thinks about being in a band and you look at a band like Led Zeppelin and you wonder what it would be like if John Bonham was the drummer for the Stones. Mick said that John was a complete lunatic. He said Keith Moon was a complete lunatic. He said that he was in a hotel in Los Angeles once and he was sleeping and Keith broke into his room as Batman. He said he woke up and Batman was there in front of him. He said he was going to beat him with something but he let him know it was Keith. He said he didn't think it was that Keith. He said he had to tell him he was Keith Moon.
Howard asked Mick when he's preparing for this tour they have so many songs. He said he heard they pull 80-90 songs and rehearse them. Mick said that's about right. Howard said he must not know all of the songs. Mick said that you don't know them backwards but you know them. He said he used to tell Charlie that they could test him on any song and he could sing at least 2 lines in each one. He said that was the test. He said there are some songs they know very well. He said there are maybe 30 like that and maybe half of the other 50 or so. He said he makes a list. He said when you play in a smaller place you can play whatever you want. He said they want to hear something different there. He said in a stadium people want to hear songs they're familiar with. He said they want some songs to be obscure but not too many.
Howard said he has to ask Mick about this song that really moves him. He said he doesn't show a lot of emotion but this song gets to him. He said it moves him and makes him sad and it makes him weep. He said that he doesn't think he's ever done it live. He said the one song that he'd pick that he worships more than any is from Exile on Main Street. He played the song ''Let it Loose'' and said he gets the chills from it. He asked why they don't do it live. Mick said they could but they have never done it as far as he knows. He said that no one has ever brought it up. He said there are a lot of songs. He said they have a lot of ballads too. He said they have a lot of those. Mick said in a rock show you do 2 ballads. He said that's the maximum that they do in their shows. He said that's normally the way it goes. He said that they do a rotor of ballads. He said the first night they had in the first show they did was put up ballads the fans wanted to hear. He said they picked ''Wild Horses'' and that's one of their more popular ones. He said that song would be a good one to do.
Howard said Mick writes a lot about America in his music. He said that he wrote about a lot of things here. He said he feels like he identifies with the country in a way. He said he's surprised he didn't become a citizen. Mick said he is very Americanized culturally. He said he has 8 children and 7 have American passports. He said he's not sure how the 8th one missed out. He said what's interesting is that in the early 60s America was idolized by English, French and German people. He said a lot of TV and things like that were coming over there. He said they spent a lot of time in America too. He said that a lot of people think that the band is an American band. He said the band is a very eclectic band. He said they're based on the blues and they were a blues band. He said the interesting thing about the band and other English bands is that they weren't American. He said they did other things. He said they did folk songs and things like that. He said they did songs like Lady Jane and Play with Fire. He said those are not blues songs. He said they're European songs. He said you become a different persona for some of those songs.
Howard said he's being told he has to let him go. He said if he never gets to meet him again he has to ask about how he wrote these songs. He said that people think that Keith writes all the music and he writes the words but it's not like that. Mick said at the beginning it was like that. He said Keith would come up with the music and he'd write the lyrics but then they'd do both. He said that he'd write the chords and melodies and they'd go back and forth. He said they wrote on their own and they'd play it for each other. He said it was every combination of it.
Howard said when he hears Love in Vein he didn't know it was a cover version. Mick said it has different chords. He said if you do a cover version of a song you do a completely different version of it. He said they made some songs very different. He said there are different ways of covering them.
Howard asked if he's ever motivated to get up early and talk he has to talk about all of these songs. He said he knows he has to go but he would love to have him on again. Robin asked if he would do it again. Mick said he did have a fun time talking to him. He said that it was really enjoyable. Howard thanked him for all of the music and entertainment. He thanked him again. Mick said it was fun talking to him.
Howard said he was a guy begging for a second date but he wouldn't give an answer. He said that he was thinking that he'd tell him that he had to talk to him and get into the songs. He said he asked if he would want to do it again and he said ''We'll see.'' Robin said he did say he had fun. Howard said he spent all night thinking about all of this. He said he's been completely neurotic all day.
Howard said he asked his neighbors to stop working for a while because he has Mick Jagger coming on the show. He asked them not to pile drive. He said they said no problem. He said he wanted them to stop at 11:30 so he could nap. He said they said yes but then he went for his walk and came back and ate. He said he got into bed and he can't sleep. He said he was too nervous. He said he had to sleep so Beth was doing Hydrow. He said he watched some YouPorn and watched some lesbian stuff. He said he was tugging on the taffy between his legs preparing for this interview. He said he was rubbing and all of a sudden you feel like you came but nothing comes out. He said that nothing came out so he gave up. He said he was out of time and figured he should just get into bed and nap. He said he had to get rid of YouPorn on his phone so people don't see that stuff. He said people handle his phone all the time so he has to do that.
Howard said he got into bed and he heard noises. He said he had notes all over these pieces of paper he has. He said he had all of these question for him. He said he didn't get to his life growing up or anything. Robin said it was very short. Howard said it was. He said he just had a conversation with him instead and let it go where it went.
Howard said he has to ask Mick for 3 hours next time. He said there's a great video of Sheryl Crow and Mick doing a song together. He said Sheryl looks fantastic in the video. He said that he had to have banged her. He said that clip is so great to watch. He said he watches it all the time. He said he's not sure how they didn't fuck afterward.
Howard said the whole catalog of Stones songs is so big. He said they may do 18-20 songs. He said the catalog is mind blowing. Robin said she put it on yesterday and you don't think about some of the songs. She said it goes on and on and on. Howard said they gave him the hi sign and he had to let him go. Robin said someone was in the room with him giving him the sign too.
Howard played some of the songs he wanted to ask about like ''Tell Me'' and ''Satisfaction.'' He said he was going to play his set list for the tour.
Robin said you want to know what's happening when you write a song like ''Satisfaction.'' Howard said the lyrics for that song came from Keith. He said he started writing it. Robin said that song is just brilliant. Howard said he thinks he wrote it in like 10 minutes. He said it's just crazy.
Howard said their catalog has to be worth a ton. He said there are so many songs he wanted to ask about. He said that Mick wrote the lyrics for Satisfaction in 10 minutes in Florida.
Howard said he got every overwhelmed when he saw Mick. Robin said he looked so dapper. She said that's Mick.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she wanted to say that she was so excited about that. She said she's a huge Stones fan. She said he did amazing and it was just too short. Howard said he would have taken 10 minutes if he had to. He said it was great to see him. Robin said he's so relaxed too. She said he's like one of the coolest people on earth. Howard said it looks like he had a nice set up there. He had someone there to get him going.
Robin said you wonder about what his life is like being Mick Jagger all these years. She said it never ended for him. Howard said you have to watch this video where Mick's dad did this video and Mick is a little kid and you can see it's the same kid but he's little. He said he's demonstrating climbing rocks and things with his dad. He said it's great to watch. He said his old man was in great shape. He said that Mick said that he taught him how to stay in shape. Robin said he can't remember not being famous because it's been so long.
Howard said it was very exciting. Robin said it was great to hear him talk about Charlie too. Howard said if you want to look it up online it's called Seeing Sport with Mick's dad in it. He said Mick's brother is in it too. He said it's cool to look at.
Howard said that seemed like it was over in 5 minutes. He said you take what you can get. Robin said it looked like he was enjoying it. Howard said he was. He said he was at the feet of the master. Howard gave the Stones some more plugs and said go see them if you can.
Howard said he could end the show or do some things with Robin. He said he never played the Debbie the Cum Lady and Jeff the Vomit guy stuff. He said he has the OJ Simpson summer clips. He said he has a lot of that. He said the fans wrote a lot of mail too. He asked if Robin has time. Robin said she has nothing else to do. She said she cleared the decks.
Howard got a knock on the door from Fun George Takei who said he loves Mick. He said seeing him with his musculature is something. He said he has a lot of muscles for a 78 year old man. Howard said he's in really good shape. Fun George said give him shelter. He said he loves those lips too. Howard let George go a short time later. He said he's going to take a break and get to some calls and stuff.
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Howard came back and said he likes this song with ''Hey now!'' in it. Fred was playing that drop during the song. Howard said he read that Eminem wrote this while filming ''8 Mile.'' He read some other details about the song and said that's what Casey Kasem would have done.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said everything is better with ''Hey now!'' Howard said Ralph was texting him right before his interview with Mick. Ralph said it was around 11. He said stop it. Howard said he was trying to have a normal day and not have too much nervous energy in there. He said Ralph was saying he was so happy for him. He said he has to change his number. Ralph said he's sorry he interrupted his jerking off. Howard said he actually did.
Ralph told Howard he thought it was great that Mick didn't like doing sexual moves in front of his parents. Howard said that was great. Howard said he thought it was great that he thought Keith Moon was nuts but the guy works with Keith Richards. Ralph said he loved at the end where he reeled him in more by asking about who wrote the songs by appealing to his ego. Howard said stop it. He let Ralph go.
Howard said during the break Robin broke the news to him about something. Robin said there's a new host of The Bachelor named Jesse Palmer and he was the season 5 Bachelor. Howard asked if he has ever been to an antebellum party and what is his stance on race. Robin said that he's looking forward to sharing his knowledge of being a Bachelor with the new bachelor. Howard said this guy is happy because they must be paying him well. He said Chris Harrison was making like 5 million a year. Robin said she hopes they have a publicist that stops the host from saying stupid things. Howard said you know it'll happen. Robin said he's been in some other ABC shows and they like this guy a lot so that's why he's the next host.
Howard said there's some news about John Hinckley Jr. who will be getting some relaxed rules next month. Howard said the guy tried to kill Reagan and shot Brady and put him in a wheelchair. Howard said this is a bad precedent to set. He said you don't get life in prison.
Howard said there's a problem there with Hinckley. He said they say he would have gotten out many years ago if he hadn't tried to kill the president. Howard said this rule says that Hinckley can live anywhere he wants now.
Howard said maybe they'll see him on Dancing with the Stars. He said he'd watch that. He said he was writing songs while he was looked up. He said he has his latest song. He said James Brady ended up in a wheelchair the rest of his life. Howard played the song that John wrote. He said he's going to throw up.
Howard took a call from fake Jodi Foster who said that she's impressed with Hinckley and she'd meet him for a drink. Robin said that they say he'd be fine if he took his medication. She said she's not sure who is watching him do that though.
Howard asked Jodi about being into guys all of a sudden. Jodi said that he's the best guitarist she's ever seen. She asked Howard to put the song back on.
Howard played the song and said it's pretty rudimentary stuff. Fake Jodi was singing along. Howard said you should hear Charles Manson's latest if you like that.
Robin said that Patty Davis wrote that this is very alarming to her. Howard said of course. He said she used to do the show. He said it was fun when they had her on. He said it was fun because they didn't like their father's policies and they'd come on the show to talk about that. He said Patty was in Playboy too. Howard said he'd be upset if he was her. He said he's right there with her.
Howard said James Brady's dream was to walk again but that dream didn't come true. Robin said you have to think about the affect he had on other people.
Howard said veterinarians and ranchers are struggling with the demand for Ivermectin that people are taking to get rid of COVID but they won't take the vaccine. He said they're running out of the drug because of people using it for the wrong reasons. Howard said people are stocking up on it so if they get COVID they have it. He said the good news is that none of them have worms. Howard said how about the poor horses that have worms and can't get the dewormer.
Howard said Benjy shaved his head. He said he looks like that guy the cops are searching for. Robin said that's Brian Laundrie. Robin said Dog the Bounty Hunter is looking for this Brian Laundrie guy. Howard said he was in his parent's house and now they're saying that maybe he wasn't. He asked what is going on. He said we're all consumed with this because that girl was hot. Robin said that guy is a person of interest and not a suspect at this time.
Howard said Robin should be in the FBI. He said that he's been watching the FBI series of shows on CBS and he loves them. Robin said she should give it a try. Howard said they have women on that show who are way too hot to be in the FBI. He said he's sure that an FBI guy would say that there are no chicks that hot in the FBI. He said they have some super hot women on those shows. He said there's one hot black woman who tackles dudes and her partner must want to fuck her so bad. He said that they should just bang.
Howard said they new FBI international has really hot chicks. Robin said if this is what the show is maybe she's not going to be into it. Howard said that's what it is.
Howard said he got to tour the FBI with his father when he was a little kid. He said most of the agents who were female looked like Fred. Robin said back then there weren't women. She said all of the FBI guys were men and they were very tall.
Howard said Mr. Ed is on the phone and he's upset about the Ivermectin situation. He took the call from one of the guys doing a Mr. Ed impression complaining about the worms he has and how he can't get rid of them. Mr. Ed said that Wilbur has been pulling worms out of his ass all night. He said people don't realize that this stuff doesn't cure COVID.
Howard said when he was a kid he had worms and they were itchy. Mr. Ed agreed. He said Wilbur uses the worms for fishing. Howard let him go after that.
Howard asked if Mr. Ed was still there. He had another question for him. He asked what his hooves smell like when he scratches his ass. Mr. Ed said now it smells like a rotten pumpkin when it used to smell like hay.
Howard played some audio of Dog talking about why he got into this whole thing. He was talking about how his fans asked him to get involved. He said they're in Colorado so since they had passed through there they got involved.
Howard said he has never seen that show but someone was telling him about Dog and how the guys he searches for aren't that hard to find. one of the guys said that the guys Dog would go after weren't brilliant criminals. He said that they were high on Meth so they weren't that hard to catch.
Howard said maybe they should get OJ involved to try to find this guy. He said he might be able to track him down. He said he is searching for the killer of his wife. Howard said he has never seen Dog in action but he wasn't chasing Lex Luthor. Robin said he wasn't an investigator. She said they gave him the addresses for the guys he was picking up. Howard said you have to give him credit for having the balls to do it.
Howard wondered if OJ is taking the side of this guy since he hasn't been charged. Howard did his impression of OJ and Fred played a drop of OJ saying ''Accused, not charged.'' Howard got a laugh out of that. Fred played another one where OJ said sometimes you're the windshield and sometimes you're the bug.
Howard said he thinks the bullshit psychics aren't far behind Dog the Bounty Hunter. Robin said that family does not need that nonsense. Howard said he's sure that the Long Island Medium will get involved. He said the circus is forming around this case.
Howard said he should get into the Long Island Medium stuff. He took a call from a guy who said he's calling because they talk about how OJ is treated in public. He said he went to a bar to watch an NFL game and OJ was sitting 2 seats down from him. He said he's sorry to report that OJ was treated like a king. He said people were buying drinks and taking pictures with him. He said this was back in 2018. Howard said we used to have a normal country but not anymore. He said that's what people want to do. He said he should play his OJ clips.
Howard did more of his OJ impression and said that guy isn't embarrassed to go in public. He said he's just enjoying his life. The caller said he called his buddies and they told him to do the OJ drops. He said he did that during the game.
Howard said Wolfie said that he ran into OJ in the airport and people surrounded him for autographs. Robin said this is the era of no shame. She said you can be famous for anything and no one cares what you did.
Howard said his brain is a little tired. He asked what 14:55 is. Robin said that's 2:55. Howard said she was in the military so she's good at that shit. He said he's not sure how to work with that. He said he has a clock that's on military time. He said he doesn't need constant reminders that he's a coward.
Howard said he doesn't like military time. He said he doesn't need it in his house. He said he has to do math to get the time. He asked if he's going to get some coordinates next. Robin said that way he won't get lost. Howard asked if he's GI Joe Jr.
Howard said he has some OJ clips to play. He said this is a synopsis of OJ's summer. He said they kept tabs on him over summer vacation. He said OJ was talking about how he doesn't have to work and he plays golf a few times a week. He said he's always taking pictures with people and living a good life. Howard said not bad for a double murderer. He said he's afraid that other people will be inspired to kill their wives. He said it worked out pretty well for OJ.
Howard asked Wolfie where he saw OJ. Wolfie said he was in an airport a few years ago and he heard a roar of people. He said OJ was there right in his face. He said he's a tall dude but he's big and intimidating. He said they were breaking out baseballs and things for him to sign. He said he has no shame at all. Howard said no one is out there shaming him. Wolfie said not at all. He said they wanted to lift him up and carry him around.
Howard said he'd like to see him ask him to sign a knife or pose with his wife holding the knife to his wife. He said he thinks he'd do it.
Howard said he has some clips of OJ. He said he hates it when he makes sense. He said sometimes he does agree with OJ. He said the last time they checked in with him was in May. He said he was talking about Liz Cheney standing up to republicans over the January 6th insurrection. Howard played some of that clip. OJ was making some sense in the clip. He said get your shots and hope all that is well. Howard said he had to get that ''I'm just sayin'' in there.
Robin said it was interesting that he was saying that you should trust the cops in that clip. Howard said it sis interesting. He said Bill Cosby is out there saying that R. Kelly is innocent. He said Bill is just evil.
Howard said back in May OJ had some advice for Bill Cosby. He had some audio of OJ talking about Cosby and what he had to go through himself. He said he would have taken any kind of courses there in prison to get back home. OJ laughs at himself a lot in those clips so Howard goofed on him about that.
Howard said it sounds like something is going on in his mouth in those clips. He said that his teeth are interfering with something in there.
Howard said OJ did a rant about the My Pillow guy Mike Lindell. He said he hates to say it but he sort of agrees with him. Howard played the clip where OJ talked about Lindell and how he claimed there were dead people voting but they proved there weren't any in Michigan. OJ said get a good pillow and forget about those things.
Howard said he has a clip of OJ getting upset about his lawyer F. Lee Bailey dying. Howard said that was the most famous lawyer but OJ doesn't tell you why he knew him. Howard played the clip of OJ sounding sad and somber over the news he was breaking to his followers. Howard did his impression of that. In the clip OJ told ''Twitter world'' about the news of Bailey dying and how upset he was about that. OJ called him a good friend and said he used to call him Flea and he hated that. Howard interrupted and did his impression of OJ talking about all of that.
Howard said Bailey was working on a book that could have released details that we'd never know. He said he likes that OJ didn't read the book about his trial yet. He wondered why.
Howard said OJ told a story about two kids losing their mother to COVID and he had to talk about that. Howard said imagine the guy talking about two kids losing their mother. Howard played the clip and OJ talked about one of the ladies who goes to this friend's house got COVID and died and she left 2 kids behind. Howard said that his kids are without their mother now too. He said how about that OJ. Howard said it's too bad that those two kids are motherless.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a crazy OJ story for him. He said he used to have a flower store and he had people who would sell roses. He said OJ came up to his car one day as they were getting flowers ready to sell. He said OJ said that the flowers looked nice so he bought 3 dozen roses from him. He said this was during the civil trial. He said he told him to bring them to his house. The caller said he drove up and he sold him more roses. He said he did this for 4 or 5 months. He said that OJ never paid for them himself. He said he had his housekeeper give him a check. He said he's not sure why but he never got money right from OJ. He said he was the nicest person and seemed very down to earth. He said he was super personable. He said he'd try to get him to buy his golf clubs when he went over.
The caller said that his little brothers and step mom lived 4 houses away from where OJ killed Nicole. Howard said that's enough of the story. He said ''allegedly'' killed.
Howard said he thinks what they're learning is that OJ is great unless you're married to him. Robin said they had already figured that out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was in Miami in 2002 and they were invited to go to a party down there on New Year's eve. He said they went to this party and it was OJ's house. He said the guy who invited them never told them. Howard said he was recruiting. The caller said that OJ had one of those lawn statues of an L.A. Cop. Howard said that's fucking nuts. He said that sounds cool. He wondered how you get one.
Howard asked if anything happened at the party. The caller said nothing really. He said the girls were all over OJ though. Howard went into his impression of OJ talking about how he just had one bad night.
The caller said they were driving home and the guy who they met that invited them to the party was telling him that OJ told him that he did it. He said he believes that story. Howard said he has learned a few things today. He said it turns out that OJ has hung out with 60 to 70 percent of his audience and he's more beloved than him. He said that OJ seems to get an overwhelmingly positive reaction.
Howard said he has more OJ clips. He said he lives in Las Vegas like Ronnie. Robin said she didn't know he had moved. Howard said he complains about the heat a lot. Howard wondered if Ronnie will become friends with OJ. He said he's going to become one of his pals.
Howard said at least OJ is honest about the heat in Vegas. He said Ronnie says it's no big deal. Robin said they say that's one of the states that people most regret retiring to. She said that there aren't a lot of doctors there either so you have to go to Los Angeles or somewhere else to get decent care.
Howard played some clips of OJ complaining about the heat in Vegas. He had a bunch. Howard said he's having a great life out there. He said he laughs at all of you. He said he got the last laugh. He said OJ wins again. Howard said there must not be karma.
Howard said he's America's funny man. He said that's an update on OJ's summer. Robin said he had a better summer than Howard did. Howard said he did nothing all summer. He said he was on the phone to his psychiatrist the whole summer.
Howard said he liked Jimmy JJ Walker on Good Times. He said he liked the hot sister too but Jimmy was the show. He said that's why he watched. Robin said the commercial isn't well made. Howard said the guy is just trying to make a living. He said if he called him he'd tell him to go try to find Brian Laundrie.
Howard said we're all getting older. He said that he has to end the show. He said it's 15:31 and that sounds late. He said he can't believe it's 15 o'clock. Robin said you just say 1500. Howard said sorry Miss Military over there.
Howard said people wrote in about Dave Grohl and that interview they did yesterday. Howard said people wrote in about JD eating peanuts. He said he wedges too many in his mouth and he has to drink water to wash it down. He said Fred used to eat like that. He said he would look over and see food puffing his cheeks out. He said he thinks his wife got him to cut back on that.
Howard read some of the feedback they got about OJ and someone said that he must get his peanut butter for the girls on the web cams that way. Robin said she didn't link those things together.
Howard had some feedback telling JD to keep collecting those cards if it makes him happy. Howard said someone else said that most guys who collect cards like that are 8 years old.
Howard said a lot of guys wrote about Amanda the caller. He said they got her call earlier in the week and she said she looked like Jennifer Aniston. Howard said the fans think she sounds like a blast. Howard read some of that feedback and fans were asking for her number or the other way around.
Howard said a lot of people praised Gary for booking Mick Jagger. He said he'll do the same. He let out a belch and said that he almost threw up. He said they've been on the air since 7 this morning. He said it's 15:35 now so...
Howard read more about Gary getting Mick on the show. Howard said that makes him the G.O.A.T. He asked if Gary has anything to say about that. Gary said it was a team effort and Howard is a great host and it wouldn't happen without him. Howard said Gary is a GOAT. Gary said it was a great interview. He said that was fuckin' Mick Jagger. Howard said he knows. He said he would have looked at him for a half hour if he could have. He said he's not sure that would have gone over very well.
Howard said Robin's boyfriend will be on the show on Monday. Robin asked who that is. Howard said Jake Gyllenhaal. Robin said ''Oh my god!'' Howard said Beth has the same reaction. He said Jake has a movie coming out on Netflix called ''The Guilty'' and it's really good. He said he's pretty much the only character in it. He said it's good. Howard said Robin was fawning all over him last time he was on. Robin said she thinks he's special. Howard asked if Robin would hook up with him if he asked her. Robin said she might do that. She said he might be the one. Howard said that's sex appeal. Howard said he's a great looking guy. Robin said he's a great actor.
Howard said this movie is great and he doesn't want to spoil it. He said it'll be on Netflix on Friday he thinks. He said everyone watch it.
Howard said Jake plays a 911 operator in the movie. He said he can't say more or he'll spoil it. Fred played a bunch of drops from Robin saying sexual stuff.
Howard said Brandi Carlile will be in to do a couple of songs next week too. He said he thinks that's right. Howard said Tuesday is when she'll be on.
Howard said a lot of people wrote in about Memet getting married. He said people thought it was nuts that he's getting married on a day they're working. Howard read some of that feedback. someone said that he should not become a parent after what he said about how he'd like to raise kids.
Howard said that people wrote in about Richard's van toilet. He said fans were all over the place emotionally with that story. He read some of the comments fans had about that.
Howard took a call from Robin's vagina after hearing Jake would be on the show. It was just water sounds. Howard said how about that for special effects. Robin said it was like hurricane Ida.
Howard said maybe they've done enough of a show. Robin said it was a very special show. Howard said thanks to Sir Mick Jagger for coming on. Howard gave the Stones more plugs for their concert. Howard said it's not 7000 o'clock. Robin said there's no such thing. Howard said finally he'll end on this. He had a live commercial read. They ended the show around 3:45pm.