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Howard said he may go to a Knick game eventually. He said he's avoiding it right know. He said he's not up to it yet. Robin said she tried to invite Howard to something. Howard said you have to hear this. He said they were playing phone tag and they spoke on Thursday. He said Robin said she's making a party for Ronnie. He said then she says that he's been with them a long time. He said he told her he knows that. Robin said she just wanted to let him know how she felt. Howard said he asked about what this was about. He said Robin wanted to have a farewell party for him. He said he wanted to straighten her out. Robin said he said he didn't want to be a buzz kill but...
Howard said he's very upset that Ronnie is leaving and going to Vegas. He said he's known him for like 35 years or something like that. He said it's weird for him. He said he thought Ronnie was psychopathic when he met him. He said he was cheap though. He said he had all kinds of Playboy stuff going on in his limo. He said he thought he was kind of rough around the edges too.
Howard said Ronnie wrote his resume in crayon or something. He said that his agent got a note from Ronnie and his prices were lower than everyone else. He said that's why he gave him a shot. He said he has a read on people and he thought he was going to have toe testify against him in court eventually. He said he was like the angriest guy he had ever met. He said he was sitting in the back and he had no respect for him. He said he was also driving for the Today show at the time too. He said he didn't have a full time driver. He said he used to think that he was nice to everyone else and he was just being a dick to him. He said Ronnie would complain about people who were on the air. He said then he brought him up to the studio to be the security guy. He said then he became who they know today. He said he became the on air Ronnie. He said he knew he was creating a monster. He said then they went to strip clubs and Ronnie made friends with Lonnie and that was the end. He said he started to believe he was a playboy. He said the girls were paid to like him and he had to tell him that. He said Ronnie was telling the girls what to wear. He said he was torn about the guy.
Howard said Ronnie is running away with Stephanie to go to Las Vegas. He said it feels like he's running away from him to be with her. He said he used to tell his wife that he was like Dr. Frankenstein and he created this monstrous perv. He said Ronnie would go to the strip club and the girls liked him so he became an expert in sex.
Howard said Ronnie grew on him. He said it bummed him out that he's leaving. He said he gets it though. He said he's 71 years old and he could have 2 or 3 years left for all he knows. He said he was talking about running his limo business from Vegas but he's done and wants out.
Howard said then Robin calls him and she's talking about how she wants to have this party for Ronnie. He said she goes high and low. He said she was on a high when she called about this. He said she wanted to honor Ronnie with a party. He said that Robin is compromised with this cancer thing so he's not letting her go out. He said that he told her that someone who was double vaccinated who died from COVID. He said he told Robin that he's not going to let her do this. He said his therapist is vaccinated and he's not letting people back in his office. He said he's the same way and wouldn't go. He said he's still not 100 percent convinced. He said he knows people who are vaccinated who are running around and he knows they have COVID. Robin said Bill Maher did that and got it. Howard said he had no symptoms but he got it. Howard said he knows this guy who got it and died after being vaccinated.
Howard said he put the kill on this party. Robin said the party was shrinking as he was talking. Howard said he's not willing to die for Ronnie. He said he loves the guy but he's not going to die for him. Robin said he made some good points. She said that if there is any kind of send off with her in it then it's going to be virtual. Howard said don't invite him.
Howard said he gets angry when people leave him. He said he's kind of angry with Ronnie. He said he's still going to be on the show but he's not going to be in New York. He said he likes the idea of him leaving but not Ronnie.
Howard said he knew this was going to happen to Ronnie. He said he got vaccinated and he had to leave home. He said he has no interests. He said he has to rely on others to entertain him. He said that's why he was going crazy during quarantine. He said he can't stand when people visit him. He said he'd rather be doing things on his own. He said he doesn't want contact with people. He said he's damaged and knows it. He said Ronnie was rotting in his house. Robin said this is what made him want to get out of there. He figured he only had a little time left. Howard said his parents haven't left their house in 20 years and his dad is turning 98 next year. He said he's doing just fine.
Howard said Ronnie got the worst cold ever during vacation. Robin said he didn't tell her that. Howard had some audio of Ronnie talking to one of the guys and coughing like crazy as he spoke.
Howard said he asked Robin who moves to Vegas. He said it gets up to 120 degrees in the summer. Robin said they have things to spit water at you to keep you from passing out in the summer. Howard said Ronnie has the worst skin for the sun. He said he's going to get skin cancer. Ronnie got on and said this really turned to shit after starting off nice. Howard said wait until he's done with him.
Howard said Ronnie sold his house in a second. He said that this place in Vegas is probably worthless. He said that he had a nice house there in New York. Ronnie said he did the same thing in Vegas. He said the price is up 40 grand already. He said that it's not even done yet. He said he knows about the temperatures there. Howard said he's just going to sit in the pool out there.
Howard said he doesn't like to be left. Ronnie said he knows that. He said he did talk to him about it. Howard said he didn't have a voice in this. He said he's going to fry up like a piece of bacon out there. He said he's going to have to wear one of those things that kids wear in the sun. He said old guys who put sunscreen on look like they rolled in dough. He said Ronnie is all hairy so that stuff will stick in it. Ronnie said he uses that man groomer thing to trim the hair.
Howard said they used to be able to write in his back hair on the old TV show. He said this guy is picking up and leaving to go to Vegas. He said that's the worst place to go. He said he's going there because he has friends there who have befriended him. He said they're wealthy guys. Ronnie said they're not all wealthy. He said they're normal people. He said one guy is very wealthy. Howard said Ronnie likes that and wants to go to events with those people. He said he gets to go to special events now but now he'll be every day Ronnie and get real old and annoying. Ronnie said okay, we'll see. Howard said Ronnie is expecting all kinds of excitement out there. Ronnie said he's not. Howard said he knows what he's doing out there. He said he's joining Las Vegas high society. He said it's this guy. He played some audio of Ronnie yelling at a party.
Howard said in Vegas that's acceptable behavior. Robin said that's what Howard said the party would sound like if she threw it.
Howard said Ronnie sold this place in New York for some shitty construction in Vegas. He said it's going to be one of those pre-fab houses. Ronnie said it's not a pre-fab. Howard said it's on a slab. Ronnie said it's a regular fucking house. Howard asked why it doesn't have a basement. Ronnie said they don't have basements out there. He said it's hard to dig. Howard asked what he's talking about. He said they make them cheap that way. Ronnie said there aren't many basements out there. He said this house is twice the size of the house he has now. Howard said of course it is. He said it should be four times the size. Robin said it should be a palace. Ronnie said it is.
Howard said he knows his new friends influenced him out there. Ronnie said they did not. Howard said he knows he thinks that he's going to get more strippers out there. Ronnie said all he wants to do is enjoy his life. He said if it's doing nothing that's fine.
Howard said this is an end of life crisis. He said that he's making bad decisions. Ronnie said he can't deal with Manhattan anymore. He said there are too many idiots there. Howard said you don't have to deal with it. Ronnie said it was time for a change. Howard said he should have tried to live there for a month before making this decision to move there. He said he has never lived there. Howard asked how long he's stayed out there. Ronnie said he stayed out there for a couple of weeks. Howard said he's never had more than 2 weeks off. Ronnie said it was 10 days. Howard said it went from a couple of weeks to 10 days. He said he would not do well on the witness stand.
Howard said he would have a great party for Ronnie but it's not a good time. He said if he gets angry with someone leaving the show that means he really loved them. He said the angrier he gets the more he cared about you. He said he cuts of the people he cared about the most. He said he hopes Ronnie is happy. He said he actually doesn't and hopes he comes running back. He said he will get there and he's going to be sitting there pulling his pud and wondering what he's doing. Ronnie said it's only hot there for 2 months of the year. He said in Florida it gets bad humidity. He said in Vegas it's not like that.
Howard said all of Ronnie's junk is packed up and ready to move. He said he heard he threw out a lot of it. Ronnie said he did throw out some tickets and stuff like that. He said he didn't throw out the toys. Howard asked how many hoods of cars he has up there on the walls. Ronnie said it's only 5. Howard said he has zero himself. Ronnie said Howard has guitars hanging up. Howard said that's just as stupid. Howard asked why Ronnie has those hoods up there. Ronnie said it's replicas that are made of plastic. He said it's not a real car hood. He said it's kind of small for a car hood. Howard said that's more ridiculous than the Playboy stuff. Ronnie said he threw his tires out. Howard asked if that was a hard decision. Ronnie said not really.
Howard asked if they were real. Ronnie said they were. He said they were off race cars. He said he just threw them out. He said he paid nothing for them. He said he was given them and put them in his house after driving them home from the track. Howard asked if Robin believes this guy. Robin said that she'd like to have some closure to a chapter with him. Howard said it was very sweet of her to have that thought. He said he's not up to having a party. He said Ronnie went out and got a bad cold after getting vaccinated. Ronnie said he was finished with his vaccine in February. He said he got the cold 2 weeks ago. He said he wasn't going out that much. He said he went out to eat and ate outside. Robin said there is no safe place. Robin said she didn't get any colds during the pandemic. Ronnie said he was around people and hadn't been for so long that he got a cold.
Howard said he doesn't want a cold. He said he's not up to having a party for him. Robin said Howard convinced her not to take chances. Ronnie said he gets it. Robin said she was in tears talking to Ronnie about leaving them. She said she could cry right now. Howard said he's upset about the whole thing too. He said he's not celebrating him running off and leaving the show. Ronnie said he told him why he's doing it. He said he's old and he's dying. Ronnie said he wants to enjoy his time. He said he loves that they wanted him to stay. Howard said they'll still have him on the show but he won't be there.
Ronnie said he'll be leaving in July and he'll be back in September for a wedding. He said his son is getting married so he has to come back for it. Howard asked if he's really going to put him in danger like that. Ronnie said it's a small wedding. Robin said Ronnie is so booked up that it was hard to find a date for the dinner. Howard asked what he's doing. Ronnie said he has a bunch of parties to go to and he has a lot of shit going on. He said he has things for his granddaughter and things like that. He said they'll be able to come visit him out in Vegas too.
Howard said thanks for ditching him. Ronnie said he's not ditching him. Howard said he has to walk everywhere now. He said Sonny Bono didn't throw a party for Cher when she ditched him. Howard said Ronnie will have to get an outfit to keep the sun off of him. He said he's going to have to get a lightweight sun blocker. He said he has to get a Sombrero. He said the top of his head is all red. He said his hair line is receding too. Ronnie said he just got a hair cut. Howard asked what happened to his hair. Ronnie said it's there. He said it's been like this for ages. Howard wished him luck in Vegas and said ''Bye!''
Howard said he has a Ronnie song to play. He played the song that Ronnie performed about himself.
Howard said he had this sold for a Broadway show but now it's all over. He said he's moving away so it's no more. He said Ronnie thinks that his life is going to be like that out in Vegas. Ronnie said he's so wrong. He said that's not what he's thinking at all. Howard said there's no party for him at all. He said that's what he told Robin. He said that no one threw a party for David Lee Roth when he left Van Halen. He said he did get word that he packed up his cock rings, lube and dildos. Ronnie said he did. Robin asked if he kept the Richard and Sal dildos. Ronnie said he's not sure. Howard said he's sure he did. Ronnie said he didn't get to that drawer yet.
Ronnie said they threw out a lot of porn. He said he must have had at least 150 DVDs. He said that they used to get that stuff free up there at the show and he threw most of it out. He said they kept maybe 10 tapes. Howard asked how he chose the ones to keep. Ronnie said 5 were the ones they picked on air with the reviews. He said he kept those. Howard asked what the themes were. Ronnie said they were girls who were on the show. He said he had some Gina Lynn and Savanna Samson tapes and Tera Patrick. Howard asked if he really had to think about some of them. Ronnie said he did. He said they were figuring that some of them were good enough. He said it was a whole process to find the girl on girl ones that Stephanie liked. He said that was a whole process. He said they sat there on Saturday in the living room with them all piled up and they were picking what to throw out. He said he should fire him for not video recording that. Robin asked if they popped any into the DVD player to check if they should save them. Ronnie said they didn't do that.
Howard said Ronnie told the guys that Stephanie is having trouble throwing stuff away. He said she wants to save pet stuff from pets they don't have anymore. Ronnie said she won't throw out cards that they've gotten. Howard asked if she's a hoarder. Ronnie said he wouldn't say that. He said she is donating a lot of clothes and dishes and crap like that. He said she has books she wont throw out. He said that she's keeping medical books so he gets that.
Howard said that must have been some scene over there. Robin said she gets that you keep home videos but not porn because you can stream all of that. Ronnie said it's no fun when someone brings a laptop into bed. He said that they don't want to do that. He said he has to watch it on the big screen. Howard said he jerks off in shame by himself to a small screen. He said he doesn't need the big screen. Ronnie said he'd rather have the big screen when he's doing it with her. He said it's a lot more fun that way.
Howard said Ronnie was going through his porn and Gina Lynn's video he wasn't able to pronounce. Howard said it was Derriere something. Ronnie said he knows how to say it. He said it just fine. Howard said that's a word for ass. Ronnie said she has a great ass. Howard said Gina was hot. Savanna was way hot. He said he's not sure what happened to her. Ronnie said the last he heard she had a wine company. Howard said that's right.
Howard said he's not up for a party yet. He said he had some people do some work in the house and they all wore masks. He said he wore one too. He said he's not ready to party.
Robin said she was planning a trip to Napa in July. Howard said oh no. Robin said she should cancel that too. Howard said Robin is compromised. Howard said he's never had it but he considers himself compromised. Howard said Robin is never leaving her house. Robin said she can wait. Howard said just hold your horses. He said Ronnie is running out of time so he has to move. He said Robin isn't running out of time. He said she can stay in her living room. Robin said the one thing she feels is that as a good citizen she has to help with the reopening and spend money in restaurants. Howard said he agrees. He said he told Beth that they will never go to a restaurant again. He said if you want the Napa experience then he'll send over a bottle of wine.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Ronnie will be driving a black Camry out in Vegas in a month. He said he'll be doing Uber out there. He said his friends will stop taking his calls out there. Howard said he hopes he's wrong about that.
Howard took a call from a woman how thinks that Ronnie is making the right decision to move out there. It was the guys playing clips of Wendy the Slow Adult.
Howard said he felt bad saying no to the Ronnie party. He said he didn't think it was smart for Robin to be socializing. He said he is upset about Ronnie leaving. He said he's sad. Ronnie said he's sad too. He said it's an ending to part of his life. He said he's been with Howard for 36 years. Howard said its ridiculous that he's so upset about this. He said he's not sure who to have small talk with now. He said he can't do it with JD. He said JD can barely speak. He said you can't talk to Fred. He said no offense but he can't talk to him.
Gary said that the average life time of an adult in the United States is like 77 now. He said Ronnie could have 6 good years left. Robin said that the pool is going to be hot out there. Ronnie said he knows what it's going to be like out there. Howard said he's going to die like a lobster when he gets in a hot pool.
Fred did his Ronnie impression talking about all the porn he threw out. Howard asked when Ronnie is leaving for Vegas. Ronnie said probably in July sometime. He said they don't have a date yet. He said it will be in July. Howard said Ronnie is going to be stuck inside while they're outside there in New York. Ronnie said that he'll be enjoying 80 degrees while they're shoveling snow out there. He said it's better than sitting in traffic in Manhattan.
Howard said he wanted to recreate that Gary thing, he and Fred were doing, for Robin. He said they broke into Gary and they were all laughing. Howard said he was reading about Gary while they were away. He said that everything drives him crazy about Gary. He said Gary had his new hobby of photography and bought film and stuff. He said that's already over with. Gary said he's just resting it. Howard said the Scotch thing drove him over the edge. He said that he has a group of people he talks about it with. He said that drives him crazy.
Howard said Gary hired a Scotch master to come to his house. He said that drove him nuts. Gary said that happened many years ago. He said that he has been to a bunch of them over the years. He said he's been into this for like 15 years. Howard said he thought this was recent. Gary said he has had Johnny Walker Blue at his house. He said that he should have seen that. Howard said he should drink whatever he wants when he's at his house.
Howard asked about this Scotch Master coming to his house. Gary said the guy came and he comes in a kilt. He said he puts out a lot of different types of Scotch and teaches you about it. He said by the end of it you're all fucked up from drinking so much.
Gary said he went to a tasting once and they had six glasses to use and they smelled them and sipped them. He said then you drink water to cleanse your palate. He said they teach you about the different variations. Howard said that's what they were goofing on Gary about.
Howard said he had some tape of Gary talking about Scotch. Gary said he has it there somewhere. Howard said he has some audio of Gary talking about Scotch. He played the clip of Gary talking to one of the staffers about the different Scotch drinks he had.
Howard did his impression of Gary along with Fred. He was talking about the Scotch thing and rambling on and on about how he likes to drink it. Howard said he and Fred did that for like 25 minutes in the test. He said they got a lot of laughs. He and Fred did more of their impressions and kept goofing on Gary.
Howard asked what kind of vinyl Gary listened to while drinking. Gary said whatever he's in the mood for. He said he might listen to some Santana.
Howard said this guy gets very emotional. He said he got all charged up from it. He said he has become a very big Bruce Springsteen fan too. He said when he does that ''Tougher Than the Rest'' song with his wife he gets worked up. He said he's not even sure what he's so worked up about. He said some songs just make him crazy.
Gary said that he threw out his DVDs and DVD player. He said that you don't need to save that stuff. He said Ronnie doesn't need it. Howard said he threw out his DVD player too.
Howard played the Springsteen song ''Toucher Than the Rest'' and said this is his best song. Robin said he has better. Howard said this is one of the greatest songs ever. He said it could be one of the best love songs ever written. He said his nips are hard from it. He said look at it.
Gary said that he know he loves this song because he has done this rap on the show like 4 times now. Howard said there's nothing wrong with this song. He said everything about it is right. He said it's perfection. He said it's way beyond what human beings should be able to do.
Howard said Ronnie has that blank stare on his face like he thinks Cher is better than this.
Howard said he put on Lithium the other day and he heard this. He played the song and it was the Tom Morello show playing Sly and the Family Stone. Robin said she heard something she didn't expect to hear on one of the stations. She said they were playing Prince on Spectrum. Howard said he was listening to this David Bowie ''Across the Universe.'' He played some of that for Robin. He said that one gets him too. He said as Bowie got older he started singing in a different way. He played another song Bowie did later in life and he sang ''All the Young Dudes'' in a different way. Howard said that drives him crazy. He said it works though.
Howard said he had a lot of thoughts during vacation. He said he had to get back on the air. Robin said she was listening to a lot of Sirius while they were off. She said she listened to Tom Petty Radio and Pearl Jam too.
Howard said Jim retired from the company recently. He said you want to believe in the guy and he puts you at ease. He said it took Jim a while to believe that he was a nice guy. He said that he eventually came around. He said Jim is a guy who is a leader. He said he's a good dude. He said he has worked for guys who would tell you want to do. He said Jim wasn't like that. He said he'd sit him down and tell him he didn't know what the fuck he does. He said he knows what to do so just do what he knows. He said he loved this guy.
Howard said the reason he brought him up is that Jim called him before he retired and said he didn't want him to leave the company if he left. He said he could have retired like Ronnie and sat in the sun in Vegas like a piece of bacon. Ronnie said he thought he was talking about Jim. Howard said he's right.
Howard said Jim left the company and he called to let him know how upset he was. He said that he isn't good with being left. He said this guy was leaving and things were going so well. He said he introduced him to Jennifer Witz and he was put at ease.
Howard said Jim said he was going to be involved at the company somehow. He said he said he was going to go hiking and stuff. He said Jim bought into a racing team and he was like ''Oh no...'' He said he wondered what this was about. He said he thought it was one of the dumbest things he had ever heard. He said that SiriusXM was going to be a sponsor. He said he thought it was going to turn out to be nothing.
Howard said Jim tells him this and he wondered why he'd waste his time with that. He said he would check in with him during his retirement. He said he got a text from Ronnie and he tells him that Jim's car just won the Indy 500. He said it was Jim's car that won the race. Robin said she didn't know that. Howard said he thought he told her. Robin said he was too busy yelling at her about the party.
Howard said the driver had SiriusXM written across his visor and he had no idea how he could see out of it. He said talk about a dream. He said it was the guy's fourth Indy win. Ronnie said it was Helio Castroneves. He was on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said that's how he knows the guy. Ronnie said he went to Jim's team and won the fourth one with Jim.
Howard said Jim must know what he's doing. Ronnie said it's a one car team and he put together a great car and he drove it to the win. Howard said it's not just luck. He said you have to put the right team together. He said Jim must know what he's doing. Ronnie said you have to have a great team and he did it. Ronnie said it was exciting to see the car all painted up and see the SiriusXM stuff up there. He said Jim must have gotten them involved.
Howard said he was imagining how exciting that is for Jim. He said that's a retirement he can respect. He said that Ronnie is going to go off and bake in the sun. He said that Jim conquered a whole other industry. Ronnie said Sirius sponsors other teams too. He said they have their name on NASCAR cars too.
Howard said he's getting nervous that Jennifer Witz is on the phone. He took the call and fake Jennifer was asking if she doesn't make him feel at ease. Howard said he's just telling the Jim story. Fake Jen asked if this is code for women not knowing how to run a company. Howard said he's enjoying her reign as CEO. He asked if he can celebrate Jim's win. Jen said she's fine as long as Howard is raking in the dough. She asked if she's too ''New York'' for him. Howard said not at all. He said he thinks she's doing great. Howard let fake Jen go and said he likes her. He said she really is doing great.
Howard took a call from Michael Rapaport who said that he feels like Howard has grown and he's so chill and zen'd out. He said Gary should have a producer master coming to his house, not a Scotch Master. Howard said he has hit into something. He said no one is ever good enough for him. He said he only wants Gary working 24/7. He said he entitled to his private time. Gary said Michael needs a Cameo master to come to his house. He said he's a washed up actor and making money that way. Michael said he should be testing equipment. He said it's not bad enough that his breath is bad and now he's adding Scotch to it.
Michael got in a plug for his show ''Atypical'' which will be premiering on July 9th.
Howard said Michael is married to Jennifer Jason Leigh in the show he's on. He asked if he finds her attractive. Michael said she's like an idol of his so it's great to get to work with her. Howard asked if he makes out with her. Michael said he does and he has boned up with her. He said he thinks about her in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Gary said on the show she's so repulsed by him that she spends a whole season fucking another guy. He said the guy is way hotter than him too. Michael said that was a great story line. He said don't speak over the guests. Gary said it's hard because he never stops talking.
Howard said on the phone he has Nice Michael Rapaport who likes Gary. He took that call and had a fake Michael on the line telling real Michael to shut the fuck up about his buddy Gary. That call didn't last long after Michael didn't respond to it.
Michael said that Gary has to stop talking about this stuff. Gary said that he had to listen to Michael talk about all of the lawsuits that he can't win so he can listen to him talk about Scotch.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who went off on Michael about his show which is in the last season. The two of them yelled at each other for a minute before Howard let both of them go. Howard asked how old they are. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that John Prine died from COVID. Robin said they have lost a lot of people to it. She said that there was a Reverend that they used to watch in Washington DC who died from COVID. Howard said Brandi Carlile loves John Prine. He said he read her book over vacation so he knows that. He said he enjoys reading memoirs of people in the rock and roll industry. He said Brandi is a really good person. He said that everything she does seems to be really good. He said even when she's bad she's being good. He said he doesn't have any examples. He said that when she's knocking herself she's doing good.
Robin said she watched a lot of documentaries. She said she watched some stuff about Halston the designer. She said he had an incredible story. She told Howard about what she learned about Halston and how he had signed away his name and they took it and put it on all kinds of things and he wasn't able to do anything about it. She said that was the end of his life so he wasn't able to do anything about it. She said his clothes were very different and he introduced a lot of things. She said that he took away the girdles and things like that.
Howard asked if Halston had anything to do with zippers. Robin said he had one seam in the dress. She said that he would cut things on the floor and when he picked it up it was a dress. She said that he wanted the fabric to enhance the women's bodies. She said he was on the cusp of everything.
Howard said he's not a fan of documentaries. He said he loves this Jupiter Legacy. He said they have this show on there that's great. He said he was watching the show and he saw some dude in it who was in a super hero outfit. He said he figured it was going to be good. He said Josh Duhamel is in the show. He said he plays a super hero. He said he thought it was the greatest thing ever. He said it ended after 8 episodes and said he can't wait for the next season. He said it was a number 1 show and it cost $200 million to make but the fans hated it so much that they canceled it.
Howard said there was a girl on there who was one of the hottest girls he's ever seen. He said she was running around in ''bippy shirts'' the whole time. He said that people gave it bad reviews. He said if you don't read the reviews then you form your own opinion. He said the show was terrific. He said that Robin should check it out. Robin said she'll have to do that. She said she's fascinated with shows that are dubbed on Netflix. Howard said he is too. Robin said there was one called Under Cover that was great. She said she really enjoyed that.
Howard said one of the things they said about this Jupiter show was that they go back and forth in time so Josh wears a grey wig. He said that people complained about the wig. He said the show was so good. He asked Jason what he thought of it.
Jason got on and said that he loves the comic book. He said there's so much comic book stuff on and his friends said it wasn't that good so he didn't watch it. He said he hears what Howard is saying about it so now he wants to see it. Howard said he thought it was great.
Robin asked if he saw New Mutants. Howard said he doesn't think he did. Jason said he actually did. Howard said he did like it. He thinks he liked it. Jason said Howard loved it. He said everyone else he talked to hated it. Robin said he's wrong about New Mutants.
Jason said that Superman and Lois isn't that great. He said he's letting it build up on his DVR. Howard said it's not that good.
Jeff said something unintelligible. Howard said what a way to ruin an interesting story. He said Jeff just blurted out something that he didn't understand. Robin said she heard what he said. He said he shot a round on Saturday. Howard said he didn't get that.
Robin said she meant to tell Howard about this new thing they're doing on TV during the French Open. She said the woman who won the title last year was back to defend her title but they said that they're saying ''she won her round'' instead of the title thing. She said they're taking all of that out of sports.
Howard said maybe she's wearing that to calm him down. He said maybe it's too much for her. Ronnie said maybe that's it. He said she went from wearing Yoga pants to frumpy sweat pants. He said the ass is almost hanging to the floor. He said it's real loose and shit. He said she told him that they're more comfortable.
Howard said that you'd think the Yoga pants would be more comfortable. Ronnie said that he would have thought so too.
Ronnie said that she's there if he wants to ask her about it. Howard said sure. He went off and got Stephanie. Howard asked Stephanie if she's excited about the move to Vegas. She said she's super excited. Howard said it's going to be like 120 fucking degrees there. He said they seem to know. Stephanie said she loves her job there but it's gotten to be a lot there. She said they're inundated with cases. She said she's looking forward to a new adventure. She said she's excited for the sunshine all the time.
Howard said Ronnie was telling them about her outfits lately. He said she's dressing for comfort now. He asked why she can't wear Yoga pants. Stephanie said that she can't just dress for him all the time. She said she wants to rest when she gets home from work. She said she wants to teach TV with him until it's time for bed.
Stephanie said that Ronnie has been throwing out a lot of stuff and he almost threw out a charger for one of her dildos. She said Ronnie doesn't need her dressing sexy for him. She said that she just has to take her clothes off and he's done.
Howard asked why Ronnie got so light headed fucking her the other day. Stephanie said that he's stressed out from this move thing. She said that he's been going non stop throwing stuff away. She said he's been going and going dumping stuff. She said he got this urge to do it and he went all out.
Howard asked Ronnie about almost blacking out. Ronnie said he doesn't know what happened. He said it was kind of crazy. He said he had this big explosion and he felt like he was going to pass out. He said he fell off her and was laying there breathing his brains out. He said all of his frustration came out inside her. Robin laughed. Howard said she almost killed him.
Ronnie said he was on top of her and he collapsed and rolled over to the side like a dead body. Howard asked if he was going down on her and all of that. Ronnie said a little bit. He said they kind of got right to the point. He said there wasn't much foreplay before. He said then it was this big explosion and it was crazy. Howard said it would be appropriate for him to die while having sex. Ronnie said he'd love that.
Howard asked Stephanie what she would have done if he died doing that. Stephanie said she would get his son to sign over the deed to the house so she can still buy the house in Vegas. Howard said he heard that when Rockefeller died the woman had a tough time moving his body off of her. He said that would be tough for Stephanie to move Ronnie. Stephanie said she would hope that she'd be able to get him off of her. Howard said she should practice that to be prepared.
Howard asked Stephanie what Ronnie does to her that excites her. Stephanie said that he gets into a spot that makes her whole body twitch. Howard said he must be on to something. He said he hears that guys aren't that good at it. Ronnie said his trick is to get to that little hole in the clitoris. He said there's a peep hole there. He said it's almost like a piss hole there. He said he gets the tip of his tongue in there and she goes nuts. Howard said maybe she's deformed. He said he may have discovered a fourth input. He said they call it the Mund.
Howard said Ronnie almost passed out from sex on Thursday night. He said that's what the story was. Stephanie said she thinks it's great that they still have such a great sex life 13 years in. Howard asked if she's going to wear the Yoga pants. She said she will on the weekends.
Howard let Stephanie and Ronnie go after that. He said that's something. He said he wants to know when that wedding is happening. Stephanie said that she'd like to know that too. She said it may happen 6 months after their move to Vegas. Ronnie said maybe after he rolls off and doesn't get back up.
Robin asked if they know if Stephanie is going to get the house if Ronnie passes away. Howard said he has asked him about that of the air and he says that she will be taken care of. Ronnie said that's right.
Howard got Wolfie on to talk about all of this. Howard said Barb is concerned that the illegals are moving in. Wolfie said she thinks that there are signs in the bus station saying that they can move to her town to get welfare easily. He said this is all a myth. He said the signs have never existed.
Howard asked Wolfie what his mom says when he tells her that this has never happened. Wolfie said she doesn't want to hear it. Wolfie said that she brought up this story with him like 20 times over the years.
Howard said they had Ham Hands Bill pose as Jose who was moving into her neighborhood after seeing these signs. He said this is Jose calling Barb about her community.
Howard played the call where Bill called Barb as Jose. Barb tells him they have cows around there and they stink and things may not work out for him there. Howard said she's being polite about it all. He asked how this can be his mom.
Howard said Bill kept going as Jose. He said he was asking her for favors and she was not having any of it. Howard played more where Jose asked Barb if he can borrow her washing machine. Barb said no to Jose about that. She said that she and her husband do their own laundry. Barb told Jose that she's going to hang up now because she doesn't understand this.
Howard played another clip where Jose asked if Barb has anything to sell because he can help her sell it and make good money doing it. Barb said that sounds illegal to her. She said she's going to hang up. Jose asked if he can borrow her car. She said he's ''not going to be taking nothing.''
Howard said Jose called her out as Mexican shaming. He played another clip where that happened. Barb said she has to hang up and make some phone calls. Barb said her nephew is a cop so she may have to call him. Jose said he's going to report her to Pelosi. Barb said this went on long enough and she has to hang up.
Howard asked if she was all pissed off. Wolfie said he called her about 30 seconds after the call ended and she went into a rant about this call she just got and how this person was asking her for welfare. He said that she had no idea it was a prank call even though he knew all about it. He said she's crazy.
Howard said she's a handful. Wolfie said that she also hasn't been vaccinated. Howard said this is crazy. Robin said they need her back on the phone to get her to get vaccinated. Howard said no they don't. He said she's exhausting.
Howard asked what her excuse is now. Wolfie said she had an appointment scheduled and she just hasn't gone to get it. He said she hasn't given him a reason. Robin said she has to be listening to ''those people'' again.
Howard asked if she's out and about. Wolfie said he heard that she's wearing a face mask that says ''Censored'' across it. He said that she's wearing it but also making a political statement about having to wear it. Howard said she's not afraid of the Coronavirus but she is afraid of the Mexicans. Wolfie said apparently so.
Howard said they have to buy a house next to her and have a Mexican move in. Wolfie said she told him that she believes that Trump will be reinstated as President in august. Howard said that has never happened in history but it's going to happen with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who didn't get on fast enough so Howard hung up right as he was saying hello.
Howard said he has to take a break and get to some fan feedback. He told Wolfie to tell his mom thanks for that. He said he loves hearing all of that. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and sang along to the Public Enemy song a little bit. He said Flavor Flav based that song on a guy who went into a coma and died because he was waiting for an ambulance for so long. Howard said the guy was stabbed in a gang fight and he died from a punctured lung.
Howard said he was reading over vacation about Casey Anthony who was kind of hot. He said she got off and never went to jail. He said she was accused of strangling her kid. He said Casey Anthony was in a bar while they were on break and she called 911. He said she had a drink thrown on her. He said he's not sure if they knew who she was or what but someone threw a drink on her and she got into a fight in West Palm Beach. He said she called 911 to report the drink being thrown on her. He said you're not supposed to call 911 about that stuff. He said it wasn't an emergency. He said she wanted to file a complaint though so that's why she called.
Howard played the 911 call where Casey was asking for them to send the police over to file an incident report. She said it was more than one drink that was thrown at her.
Howard said at her trial one of the accusations was that she didn't call 911 when her baby was missing. He said she called for this though. He said you're supposed to call when your baby is missing. He said it turns out they were fighting over Casey's boyfriend at the bar. He said he's pretty sure that he'd take her too if she's still hot. He said she was found innocent too. He said right before he takes her home he'd ask if she was found innocent.
Howard said he was reading about how a male juror said she seemed like a horrible person but the prosecution didn't provide enough evidence to find her guilty.
Howard played more of the 911 call where Casey said she has the person's information but the woman had already left.
Howard said he'd love to interview the boyfriend. He said he wants to know how many dates in she tells you who she is. Robin said maybe he already knows after recognizing her. Howard said if he was trans he'd figure out how many dates you go on before telling the person that you're trans. He said you have to figure that out. He said you can't tell the guy on the first date that you're Casey Anthony. Robin said this guy is willing to cheat on her. She said it sounds like that's what was going on there. Howard said he thought that was pretty cool that she called 911. He said she's also dating a guy.
Robin said she'd like to know what she's doing for a living. She asked how you go on with life after that.
Howard said Chris Harrison is taking a break from hosting Bachelor in Paradise. He said he was hosting The Bachelor and now Bachelor in Paradise. He said that Chris was talking about something in an interview about one of the Bachelorettes. He said that he's not coming back to Bachelor in Paradise this season. Robin said they're in a wait and see mode. She said ABC seems to think that they need to question if he should come back for the show. Howard said they hired some comedian to host the show. Robin said that's not a good idea. Howard said she's right. Robin said they take this show seriously. Howard said that he used to watch Love Island and he didn't like it when they had the new host who made jokes during the show. JD said they had this loud guy come on and it wasn't good.
Howard said they also announced they're going to have rotating guests to host Bachelor in Paradise. He said David Spade is going to be one of them. He said he's very funny when he makes fun of the show. He said that he's going to be involved in Bachelor in Paradise. He said he texted David and told him that he can't fuck any of the contestants. He said David may not have known that. Robin said he probably thought he could. Howard said he does take those shows very seriously so he's not sure how that's going to work out. Robin said she was thinking about the Love Island thing when he told her about this.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said the Wrap Up Show did a great special about the special. He said that was great too. Howard said they did audience research and found out that they're better when they're not there live.
Mike said it makes you realize how great Benjy is. He said you hear all of his screams and stuff. Howard said he was going to talk about Benjy. He forgets what it was that he heard about him. He said he might have it in his notes. He went through some of those notes and tried to find it. He said Gary and Mary are into edibles now. He said there's a whole party going on over there. He said Gary went to a weed dispensary. He said he has the life. Gary had a big smile on his face while he was talking about that. Howard said he has the life. Gary said on Saturday and Sunday he has a life. He said he was up in Nantucket and a guy invited him to see his grow house. He said it was interesting to see. Howard said he heard about that and thought about how amazing it is that you can buy weed like that. He said it's ridiculous that people are being put in jail for weed.
Gary said he's only taking the edibles about once a month. He said his wife takes the pen once in awhile.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he lives near West Palm and he has seen Casey Anthony out a lot. The caller had his bluetooth on and he was barely understandable so he took it off. The caller said that Casey has this hot body and she's very attractive. He said that they see her out sometimes and they joke about hooking up with her but he wouldn't stay overnight at her house.
Howard asked what she wears out. The caller, Jeff, said that it's nothing out of the blue. He said she always has guys around her. Howard said guys are unbelievable. Jeff said everything goes out the window if you're hot. Howard said he thinks if she told him she was Casey Anthony he thinks he'd fuck her. He said he's not sure if he'd stay the night or not.
Howard said he wasn't completely desperate. He said he did date some attractive girls in college. He said he did break up with them. He said there must be something commendable about him there in that story. Robin said she can't imagine Howard taking Casey Anthony home to his mother. Howard went right into his impression of his mother talking to him about dating Casey Anthony.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she just saw Casey Anthony about an hour ago in Vero Beach. She said she was trading in her cable box at Comcast and Casey was there with this guy who was really jacked. She said she knew who she was but didn't know who she was. She said that she asked the woman at the counter if that was her and she said ''Yep!'' She said that maybe she's running from everyone. Howard went back into his impression of his mother.
Howard said everyone is spotting Casey Anthony out there. Robin said she's wondering how she can get a job. The caller said that she's very small and very muscular. She said she has a dragon tattoo on her leg.
Howard said he just read that she's writing a book about her life and the tragedy of losing her daughter. The caller said that Vero Beach is very nice and there's no way that she's allowed there. She said she must live in a trailer out west somewhere.
Howard said maybe there is a chance she didn't do it and she has to live with people thinking she did. Robin said that she never called the cops to let them know that her daughter was missing. Howard went into his impression of his mother again for a minute.
Howard said Casey Anthony tried to start her own photography business in 2016 but she had to delete her Twitter account when she got more questions about the trial than about the business. The caller said she has a rough look to her. Howard said he likes that. Robin said Howard thinks that just means she's good in bed. Howard said that everyone is spotting Casey Anthony out there.
Howard said Benjy has been watching Modern Love on Netflix and he likes it. He said that he agrees with him on that. He said it's on Netflix or Amazon.
Howard read more feedback and had some about Jason and his weight loss. Howard asked how many pounds he's down. Jason said 57 total. He said that it was four more than last time they checked in. Howard asked him to stand up so he can see how he looks. Jason stood up and Howard said he looks like a human being now. He asked him to get naked for him. Jason said his penis got bigger. He said that the fat is melting away from it and it's revealing more. Howard had a song parody about how he can see his penis now. He played that for him.
Howard read some feedback about his parent's anniversary. He said he talked about how he got them Nathan's hot dogs and food for them. He had some feedback about how nice that was.
Howard said the guy from Nathan's who helped him out, Phil McCann, got Robin laughing at his name. Howard had some feedback about that too. He said that was his real name too. He said he didn't make that up. He said that Phil tweeted himself and that is his real name. Howard said Robin is still laughing about that.
Howard took a call from Jon Hein Audiobook who went on and on about Nathan's. Howard asked who bought that book. He hung up on Jon.
Howard said JD talked about going out and drinking Pappy Van Winkle Whiskey. He said the fans went nuts about that. He said the greatest accomplishment of his career is that he turned JD from a Napoleon Dynamite kind of guy into what he is now. He said he has a wife and friends now. He said he has a life. He asked if he ever worries that this show will go away and his life will go away. JD said he worries about getting a job after this. He said he wouldn't mind disappearing after this show. Howard said that will happen for sure. Fred played some Napoleon Dynamite clips. Howard said he does love that movie. JD said he saw it when it came out and he related way too much to that guy. Howard asked if he knew that he was going to get shit thrown at him. JD said that other people did make that comparison. Robin said just think about how that guy didn't want to play that character. Howard said he should have played it for the rest of his career. JD said he was in Blades of Glory and some other movie about a dead grandma. He said nothing took off like Napoleon Dynamite. Howard said why not do that character forever. He said he could have done movies like Abbott and Costello. He said he should have changed his name to Napoleon Dynamite legally. Howard said he could have kept that character going for years and years. He said his name was John Heder. He said remember that name kids. He said he had a winning lottery ticket and ripped it up.
Howard read some more feedback about JD. Howard said when he met JD he had never had a drink. He said he got him into drinking. Robin asked if he saw that Hulu is running a special on that Erica Jane from Real Housewives. Howard said he'll watch that. Robin said it's on Hulu. JD said they're starting this week on Housewives this week. Howard said that show is so good. He said those girls are so clueless. He said he talks through the whole show and has to pause it. He said he has to talk to Beth about the show. He said he seems to be annoying her a lot.
Howard said the women on the show get so much plastic surgery. He said that one women ruined her face with a nose job. He said that guy should be arrested for the work he did. Howard said Lisa Rinna has those giant lips and they look ridiculous but he loves all of this.
Howard said he and Beth were bummed when the new episode of housewives didn't come out on Memorial day. He said they were so excited about it when it came out this week.
JD said if he watched New York Housewives he'd have two shows to watch. Howard said he doesn't like that.
Howard said he thinks he met the Countess woman from that show. He said he was out to eat and she came over and sat at his table. He said he would never do that and he's actually famous. He said she thinks she's famous and just sat there.
Robin said that there are movies out that are so unbelievable. She said Angelina Jolie plays a fire fighter. Howard said that he watched that movie. He said imagine a super model is a fire fighter. He said that you have to be fucking kidding. He said not one of the guys is interested in fucking her. He asked who cast this fucking thing. Robin said then she gets beat up. She asked if that's what we want to see her doing. Howard said he watched the whole thing. Robin said she did too. Howard said Queen Latifah as the Equalizer is more believable. Howard said the movie is called ''Those who Wish Me Dead'' and it was on HBO. JD said he thought it was good. Robin said the casting was bad. Howard said if you liked that there's a movie on Netflix where Oprah is a Navy SEAL.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she didn't like Napoleon Dynamite and she doesn't think it would work well with her generation. Howard said he's sure it would. The caller said the movie fucking sucked. Howard said that's because she lives in Kentucky. She said she just moved there. Howard asked if she's a hot college girl. She said she is. Howard said he can tell. He asked who she looks like. She said she gets Natalie Portman a lot.
Howard hung up on the caller. JD said she just doesn't want to see ugly guys on the screen.
Howard said this guy Jacob Elordi was in Kissing Booth. He said he was in this really lame movie where he dies at 19 and leaves his body to science. He said it was called Two Hearts. He said now he's dating Kaia Gerber. He said that she's a top model and her mother is Cindy Crawford. Robin said Kaia is just known for who she's dating these days.
Howard said he should end this gab fest. He said that they have a lot to talk about but he'll get to it tomorrow. He ended the show around 10:45am.
Robin asked some questions but she was hard to hear. Howard asked if she's okay. Robin said she's listening to him and responded to him. Howard asked if she has a wind mask on her microphone. She said it's always been there. Howard said it looks like a big penis going into her mouth. He said he never noticed the wind sock. Robin said she can't be popping those P's. Howard said she looks a little wrecked this morning. Robin said he does too. Howard said it must be her smoky eye. Howard said he looks like he was in a car wreck and she looks stoned.
Robin said Howard looks good for his age. She said that he's recognizable as Howard Stern. She said they were talking about Clarence Williams III dying. Howard said he died from colon cancer. He said there used to be a show called Mod Squad. He asked Robin why she brought him up. Robin said that she looked up Michael Cole who played the third guy on the show. She said that he doesn't look anything like the guy who was in Mod Squad. Howard said he was a good looking guy. Robin said he was like a Warren Beatty looking guy. She said that's why he was hired. She said time did a number on him. She said sometimes time is very cruel.
Howard said he likes it when good looking guys lose their looks. He said that's the one thing about growing up ugly. He said you usually get better looking.
Howard said this Julianne Hough's niece posted a video on TikTok and she was talking about how her aunt had sex with Leonardo DiCaprio and she told her that he was really bad in bed. He said he loves to hear that. He said his aunt never told him about how his uncle was in bed. He wondered who has that conversation. Howard played a clip of this girl talking about her aunt Julianne Hough sleeping with Leo and how bad he was in bed.
Howard said he'd love to know what made him bad in bed. He said he never thought of his aunts and uncles as sexual beings. He wondered what it was about Leonardo that was bad. He said maybe he had smelly balls. He said he needs details.
Howard said maybe Leo just thinks about these women as another broad. He said maybe you get to that level and that's the way you think. He said maybe he fucked her one night and that was it for him and now she's talking to her niece about it.
Robin wondered how Leo keeps getting women. Howard said the fun is telling your nice about fucking him years later. Robin said that they have to make a plea to Leo that if he wants to dispute this claim he can call into the show. Howard said imagine what that would be like. He made up what that could sound like.
Howard said if you want fun in bed then look for a guy who looks like him. Robin said Warren Beatty never had anyone say he was bad in bed. Robin said he banged several women a day and he got good at it.
Howard said he played Prince's father in ''Purple Rain'' too. He said he remembers watching that movie and thinking that was Linc from Mod Squad.
Howard said he has an interesting fact about Clarence. He said he started out in theater. He said he was nominated for a Tony. He said Bill Cosby saw him on stage and he recommended him to Aaron Spelling for Mod Squad. He said he got the job because of Bill Cosby. Robin wondered if he visited Bill in prison.
Howard said you think about the guy who gave you your big break in your career. He said he remembers Donald J Barnett and guys like that. He wonders if you go visit Bill Cosby in prison if you're Clarence Williams III. He said that he did something unbelievable for him. He said he got him hired on Mod Squad. Robin said he just did that. She said you may have to have some loyalty. Howard said Bill was a pretty horrible person.
Howard said Linc's big prase was ''Solid'' on the show. He said he tried that in his neighborhood and he got beat up. He said he was just trying to relate. He said then the police tried to hire the Mod Squad and they said they didn't want to ''fink'' on people. He said RIP Clarence.
Howard said he has to compliment himself on saving Robin's life again. He said that she was thinking about going to Napa Valley. He said he asked if she's insane. He said she wants to have parties and stuff. He said Robin stayed home because of him and now there's a story about Napa Valley and how a fully vaccinated woman died from COVID-19. Robin said she listened to Howard about it and she was scared straight. She said she's back in isolation. Howard said this woman had several underlying conditions so Robin has to stay home.
Howard said he saved her life. He sang a song to some piano music that the guys played for him. Howard sang that he saved her life again. He kept that song going for a minute telling her to never leave her home again.
Howard said she has been dead for 7 years now. He asked if she's still getting plastic surgery. Joan said she's addicted to it. She said she's been under the knife more than Nicole Brown Simpson. She said she's 88 and she's so old that she still calls guys on a rotary phone. She said her tit pics are cave paintings.
Howard said that Joan is only as old as she feels. Joan said her twat is so dry that Cardi B just wrote a song about her called Dry Ass Pussy. She said that she's not just old but ugly too. She said she's so ugly that she asked Bill Cosby to make her a drink and he gave her a bottle of water.
Howard said she's not that ugly. Joan said that she is and Bernie Madoff saw her up there and thought he had gone to hell. She said she's waiting for a face transplant.
Howard said that Joan is always prepared. He asked what heaven is like. Joan said JFK is there. She said that he's hot and she wants to fuck his brains out but it's too late.
Joan said that Prince Phillip is up there too and he won't stop calling Nelson Mandela ''the help.'' Joan said that dead celebrities are always hooking up there. She said that Bruce Jenner's dick is dating Ellen Page's tits. Howard said he didn't know that stuff went to heaven.
Joan asked if Ben Affleck is really dating J-Lo again. She asked if she banged every guy on the planet and ran out of people.
Howard asked Joan what celebrity is going to die next. Joan said that Harvey Weinstein's number is almost up. She said that he won't be coming up there. She said there is a limit to the number of Jews they let in. Howard said it's like this on earth too.
Joan said she has to run because they're expecting new arrivals any day now. She said that she can't say why but it starts with COVID-20. Howard said don't even say that. He let Joan go after that.
Howard said he heard that Benjy went on a date and he has this picture he posts with his dog so women can't see his face. He said it covers most of his face. He said they think he's thin and has hair. He said that you should send your worst picture. He said he got to this woman's door and she told him to get out of there. He said he's not sure why he uses the dog like that.
Howard said Benjy went over to this woman's house and rode his bike over. He said that's instead of taking an Uber. He said he sweats a lot and his ace turns red. He asked Benjy why he would do that. He said he does look thinner. Benjy said he has lost about 65 pounds from his heaviest. Howard said he looks terrific.
Howard asked what he weighs. Benjy said he's about 198. He said he wants to lose another 50. He said under 170 he'll look normal. Howard asked why his lips are all white. Benjy said he was just brushing his teeth when they were talking about him.
Howard asked Benjy why he would cover his whole face with the picture of his dog. Robin asked to see it. Howard had it to show her. He said he has a big fur cap on too. He said he's trying to hide that he's bald. He said it comes down to his eyebrows. He said the dog is covering his whole face too. Robin saw the picture and said if this was a missing person they'd never find him.
Howard said Benjy rode his bike over and got all sweaty. He said you don't show up to a woman's apartment like that. Benjy said they met at a cafe. He said that he likes to ride around like that. He said he mostly tells them about things that go bad. He said that's more fun. He said he also has good dates. He said he has had some and gotten laid. Howard asked why keep that a secret.
Benjy said if he rides the bike he gets a workout so even if the date goes bad it's still a workout. Howard asked what this woman said to him. Benjy said that he had to tell her that he was going to be late. He said he docked the bike and started walking and saw this girl shaking her headed and looking horrified. He said he got up to her and got in front of her. He said she said ''This is not good. You are not the man for me.'' He said she may have been Russian or something. Howard asked if she was really that direct. Benjy said she was. He said she said she was very athletic and she works out all the time. He said she was almost in a daze of ''upsetness'' and spewing things.
Howard asked what else she said. Benjy said that she was talking about how she couldn't be seen with him because he's not athletic. Benjy said that he told her that he'd rather not waste his time if she's not into him. He said that she told him that he looked good in pictures and they were deceiving. He said she pointed out what Howard said about the dog in the picture.
Howard asked Benjy to take off his cap but he said no fucking way. Howard did a Russian accent and said some things about Benjy that she could have said to him. Howard asked if she was really that upset. Benjy said that she said if people saw him with her that it would be very bad. Howard said that's really superficial. Benjy said he's superficial too though. Howard said how about Mel Brooks marrying Ann Bancroft. He said just mention that next time.
Robin asked what they were doing before the date. Benjy said that they just texted on the app. He said it's a dating app called Hinge. He said he's trying to remember what she said. He said as soon as the date was over he wanted to see what she said on the app but she had wiped out the whole thing. Howard asked if they still had the date. Benjy said no. He said he went back to the app to see what they had said to each other but she had deleted everything.
Howard said she threw her phone in the river after meeting Benjy. He said there would have been a record of the flirtation they had but she didn't even want that. He said she erased her whole identity. He said it sounds horrible having to date like that. He said he can't imagine having to do that. He said that he used to have a publicity photo early on in his career and Robin heard about him from Denise Oliver. He said that Robin wasn't sure if she could work with him because he was so good looking. He said he can look good at certain angles. He said Robin thought he was hot. He said she questioned if she could be in a room with him. He said she was so freaked out when she met him in person. Robin said she didn't leave. She said she stayed for dinner. Howard said she was completely freaked out. Robins said it wasn't the guy in the picture. Howard said that's why he can't be on a dating app. He said that really was his picture. He said that Robin started dry heaving. Robin said she felt comfortable working with him after she met him.
Howard asked if Benjy gets upset by this kind of thing. Benjy said it doesn't bother him that much. He said he knows he's overweight. He said he didn't care that much if she liked him or not.
Howard said he's looking at his dating profile. He said you have to hear this. He said he's very supportive emotionally and someone becoming what they want to become. Benjy said he has a lot of things in there. He said he'd have to pull up his profile. Howard said he's not supportive emotionally. He said he hasn't been supportive of him. He said he can't even show up on time.
Benjy read some of his profile. He said they give you prompts so they filled that stuff in for him. He said he never used the word ''emotionally.''
Howard asked Benjy when he last got laid from the apps. Benjy said he has an embarrassing thing. He said he dated a woman a couple of times. Howard said everything is embarrassing. Benjy said this woman told him she was gay after. He said they dated and she said she was gay. Howard said she may have become gay after dating him. Benjy said she still wanted a massage from him and stuff but she didn't want to kiss him. Howard said that's so insulting. Howard asked if he ever tells them that he has a cool job. Benjy said that he used to say he was a hula hooper but now he says film and TV.
Howard said they don't even do film. Benjy said radio doesn't make sense to people. Howard asked what happened with this woman. Benjy said this is the gay one. He said they had gone out a couple of times but didn't really do anything. He said that she said she was really fond of him and liked him romantically but wasn't attracted to men physically. He said she likes when men touch her though. Howard asked if he told her that he was in 4 Sharknado movies. Benjy said he thinks so.
Howard asked why this woman is on a dating app for men if she's gay. He said he thinks that she's just repulsed by him. Benjy said there is a thing in the LGBT thing. He said it's Heteroromantic and they're sexually into their same sex. Howard said maybe say that up front.
Howard asked Benjy what his goal is in all of this. Benjy said he's looking for a relationship. Howard said that's not going to happen. Robin said that if he's in it then it's not going to be a great relationship.
Howard said he's trying to understand this woman. He said there's no pay off for her. Benjy said that she told him that and they were going to go out to eat again. He said he was more open with her and he brought his diet scale to the restaurant. He said she thought that he was doing that to turn her off. Howard said she wants him to buy her dinner and never touch her. He said this is bullshit. He said there's nothing in it for Benjy. He said he's just a cash machine. Benjy said that she said she would go Dutch if they go out again.
Howard said maybe if she was going to bring a woman in and have sex with the two of them then maybe it's worth going out again. He said he should play the clip from his appearance on The Bold and the Beautiful for her. He played the clip and said Benjy should have done that line for her.
Howard asked what film he was in. Benjy said he was in Sharknado. He said that was in theaters. Howard said he thought it was on TV. Benjy said it was in a few theaters.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been single for 4 years or so and if he can't meet someone on an app he must be giving off the creepiest vibe. Benjy said he had a date the other day and this girl asked if he was seeing anyone. He said she wanted to see him again. He said he has good dates all the time. He said that he has women like him on dates. He said there are occasional dates where they both like each other.
Howard said Benjy called and Uber for a girl and sent her to the wrong place in Brooklyn. He said that he wasn't paying attention. Howard asked Benjy to stop wiping his lips. He said it's vile. Benjy apologized. Howard asked why he's doing that. Benjy said he was drinking water and he dribbled. Howard said he has to stop that. Howard said he has water there and he can do it without dribbling.
Howard said no wonder women wont fuck him. Benjy said he has water dripping down and wants to get it. Howard said he just took his hand and wiped it. Robin said he puts his whole mouth on the bottle. Benjy said that's how you drink. Howard said Robin just watched that and now she's a lesbian.
Benjy said the Uber girl was the same thing where she said she wanted to help him out in life but she wasn't attracted to him. Howard said little kids wipe their mouth with their sleeve. He said that turns women off. He said that women don't want to see that. He said it's nuts.
Robin said she's waiting to hear about a good date. Benjy said he feels weird talking about that. Howard said Benjy needs a sippy cup. He said that way he won't have to wipe his mouth.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Benjy said something interesting about how working on the show isn't good enough. Benjy said he never said that. The caller said that he was saying that the show isn't good enough to mention. He said if it was then he'd bring it up. Benjy said the reason he doesn't say it because they may reject him before they get to know him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't mind the Benjy vortex. He said it makes him laugh. He said he wants to give him some advice. He said he thinks that on the app he may want to go by something other than Benjy. Benjy said he goes by Benjamin. Howard said that's better than Benjy. He said that's creepy.
The caller said that he met his girlfriend that he met on a dating app. He said that the pictures are very important. Howard hung up on him when he was getting into his own vortex of dating advice.
Howard asked if there is any dating that involves sex. Benjy said yes. Howard asked when it happened. Benjy said he's trying to remember. Robin asked if it should take this long. Benjy said it's less than a year. Howard asked if he hasn't gotten laid in the past 9 months. Benjy said he accidentally got laid a couple of months ago too. Howard said he might be done with this. Fred did his impression of Benjy stumbling over his answers. Benjy said he did edibles with a friend and they had sex. He said that was a couple of months ago.
Howard asked if Benjy Puppet can wipe his lips with his hand. Fred worked that into the impression.
Robin asked why Benjy has a toothbrush next to him. Benjy said he has just one room. He said that he was eating and he knew Howard was talking about him so he wanted to brush real quick to get the food out of his teeth. Howard said he's done with this. He said goodbye to Benjy. He asked why he'd brush his teeth during the show and maybe work for 4 hours instead. He said brush before the show. Benjy said he does but it feels good to freshen up during the show.
Howard said he doesn't leave his job to go to brush his teeth. He said he has toothpicks to use instead of going to brush his teeth. He said he does that before the show. He said that he's concentrating on his job. Benjy said that he has some picks there to freshen up. He said sometimes he does this while he's working. Benjy said he never said he leaves to go do it. Howard said he's wrong then and he's right. He said leave him alone.
Gary said last year Benjy told a story about going on a date and this woman had to leave when she realized her son had been in a car accident. Benjy said he was in the accident the day before.
Howard said maybe Benjy should try to meet women the old fashioned way on the street. He said he never went on a date on a dating app. He said there were other women there when he met women. Robin said she knows a lot of people who go on dates through dating apps. Benjy said it's just another way to meet people. He said it's been very hard the past year.
Howard said he'd be horrified if a woman bailed on his date like they have with Benjy. He said it sounds awful. He said it's enough to put a bag over your head and never leave the house again. He wondered how he's so numb to this constant horrors of this dating app. He said it's terrible. Benjy said it could be numbness or false confidence. Howard asked what the story was again about the woman who said her son was dying. Benjy said they were about to sit down and she said she was sorry but her son was in a car accident the day before and she had to leave.
Howard said what a horrible line that is. He said just have someone text you and tell the person you have to leave. He said this woman just said she had to leave. He said she shouldn't have been there to begin with. Benjy said that it was the night before that he got in the accident. Howard said her son could have waited if Benjy didn't look like Benjy.
Howard said imagine what it's like to have that life. He said this woman rejected him and left the date before they even sat down. Howard made up more stuff that these women could have said to him. Howard and Fred were doing their Benjy impressions and having women dumping him on their first meeting. Howard said listen to these excuses. He said Benjy walks in and they reject him immediately.
Howard asked how many horrible experiences you have to have before you give up. Robin asked what it does for him. Howard said a few months ago Benjy went on a date and the date said to him that he's not his dream man but she wanted to teach him things and help him out because he was so messed up. He said fuck you to her. Benjy said they had a nice connection. He said that was the woman he sent to the wrong place in the Uber. He said she came all the way out to meet him. He said she was really hot and he asked her to text him when she got home. Howard asked what he's going to do if she doesn't text him. He said that's such an asshole thing to do.
Benjy said it ended up that the Uber thing didn't work. He said that he forgot that he had some streets that have the same name as names in Brooklyn. He said hours later she texted and said he sent her to the wrong place. He said the driver made her get out of the car because he had other rides to pick up. Howard said he doesn't want to hear this.
Howard made up more crazy stories for women to tell Benjy to get out of dates. He asked why Benjy sent a woman a $50 Amazon card after a date. Benjy said that he felt bad for sending her to the wrong place. He said that it was an empty lot in Brooklyn. Howard said you just don't do that. He said it wasn't really his fault. Benjy said it felt like he was pulling a prank on her so he wanted to make it right. He said she had to spend money to get back home.
Howard and Fred made up more stuff that Benjy could have sent to that woman. They were making up more excuses for the women too.
Howard said Benjy also didn't bring cash to the bar they ate at and he wasn't able to pay with his phone so she had to pay. Benjy said that was the other reason he gave her the Amazon card. Howard and Fred kept going with the Benjy stuff making up stories for the women to get out of the dates.
Howard said they should put a book together about how women got out of dates with Benjy. He was still making up stories that were from movies and TV shows.
Howard played a clip from Sharknado 3 where Benjy was screaming about how people should be repenting. Howard played a clip from Sharknado 6 where Benjy was screaming again. Howard said whenever you need a screamer they get Benjy. He asked if Benjy ever speaks normally in a role like that. He said he doesn't think he ever does. He said that's some acting.
Howard was going to play a clip of the director from The Bold and the Beautiful trying to get Benjy not to yell. He said that he's not going to get into that. He said they've played it a million times. Howard had Fred doing his yelling Benjy trying to act out that scene without yelling. He yelled every time.
Howard made up more excuses for leaving a date with Benjy. He had the woman saying that her son was lost on a 3 hour boat tour with a guy named Gilligan. Fred made up one from Silence of the Lambs.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he met his wife online and he dated her for about a decade. He said he has to put real pictures up. He said he can't pretend to be someone else and a fat blob shows up. Benjy said they are real photos. He said he photographs very well. He said that is a time saver. Howard said he wants to trick girls so he gets a date with a 10. He said they don't want to date a 3 but he thinks he can wear them down. Benjy said actually 9s and 10s are less caring about looks than a 7 or 8. He said they're more worried about the looks thing. Howard said he should go out with a blind 10.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's trying to imagine all of this during COVID and how devastating it must be for the women. Howard asked if you spend the night with the guy or make up a story and get out of the date. The caller got in on the fabricated story bit and made up some stuff she could say to get out of a date with Benjy.
Howard asked the caller if she's a 10. She said she used to be but she might be an 8 now. Benjy said this is a bitter, angry person. He said he can tell.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that he should be telling these women where he works. She said she can't understand this. She said it's insane and she doesn't get it. Howard said you have to be up front and show a real picture. Benjy said he does. Robin said she was looking at a dog. Howard said they're not seeing the real Benjy. Benjy said plenty of girls have liked him. Robin asked where they are.
Howard said Benjy told one of the guys that if he got his life in order he'd be able to date a celebrity and he thinks he could date Drew Barrymore. Benjy said he loves regular girls too. Howard asked if that's really his plan. Benjy said he's not sure how that came up but he thinks he could be with Drew in the right situation. Benjy Puppet said that's if she was strapped to a chair. He said she might come around if he did that.
Benjy said he thinks if he got himself straightened out then he could do that. Howard said he has to date chicks in his league. Robin said he said something earlier about how he has had nice dates until the women get to know him. Benjy said that he was just kidding.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that he really does have to date in his league. She said that he's not getting women who aren't just super hot. She said date regular girls. Benjy said he is. Howard said women are making bizarre excuses and turning lesbian. He said they look at him and say they can't even be seen with him. He said he's not sure why he puts himself through that.
Howard wrapped up with Benjy and wished him luck. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he's trying to sty up with the young kids on music. He said he spent some of yesterday listening to Olivia Rodrigo music. He said she's the new big thing. He said she has like 222 million hits on her song ''Driver's License.'' He said he's not sure if he has time to share that today but she's good. He said she was one of these Disney girls who was dating a Disney kid. He said that he taught her how to drive and they broke up. He said she wrote a whole album about that. He said it works.
Howard played some Olivia Rodrigo music. He said she's very intense. Howard played her song ''Drivers License.'' He said the rest of the album is good too. He said she's only 17 so that's pretty good. Robin said she was talking about Kaia Gerber because she's only 18. She wondered how old she was when she dated Pete Davidson.
Howard made up a song about Benjy. He said poor Benjy. He sang the song about how the woman got out of a date with him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has been on Hinge and she's seen Benjy on there. She said you do see his full body pictures. She said he does have a clip where he's interviewing someone. She said that she knows who he is and they're strange pictures. She said you want to see a full color photo in the sunlight. She said that they are very dark. She said she thinks that he wants to show his eyes so that's what they are.
Howard asked if the caller is hot. She said she's pretty regular. Howard said that not everyone is going out with each other. Robin said she must figure that something is wrong with him when he's in that age range. The caller said that Benjy has popped up in a few apps for her.
Howard said that he likes that guy. He said they want to honor jack who put up with Sal and Richard. Howard said he has some details about his life. He read through some of those things. He said in 2009 they first prank called Jack's show. Howard said this is the first time they called into the show with radio feedback. Howard played that clip. Richard called in with the show playing behind him and he asked Jack to turn his radio down.
Howard said he loves that they asked him to turn his radio down. He said he loves that Jack asked them to track these guys down through the telephone company. He said that the telephone people never did catch Sal and Richard. He said they are idiots so he was right about that.
Howard said the boys would call Jack every month or so. He said Richard once called in and said ''god bless'' over everything he could. He said it annoyed the fuck out of Jack. He played that prank call too.
Howard said Richard is a master annoyer. He said he put in his 10,000 hours of annoying. He said after months of calls from the show someone called in and told Jack about who they were. He said Jack was not pleased. Howard played that clip where the caller told Jack where Richard and Sal were from. Jack called them idiots again. He said that's alright though. He said if that's what you have to do then just quit and get a real job. Howard said he hates when they tell him to get a real job. He said if they're paying him that much money to be an idiot why would he leave radio? Robin said he wasn't being real there. She said he was caught off guard.
Howard said they loved Jack and thank him for the many years of entertainment. He said he wants to give him a 21 ''idiot'' salute. He played his clip a bunch of times but not 21. He said thanks for the advice Jack. He said maybe he should take another break here. He went into a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said he loves this song. He said it freaks him out that Trent Reznor is a regular guy now writing soundtracks for movies. He said he wears a suit now. He said he used to go to the Nine Inch Nails concerts and get freaked out by them. He said they were so creepy. He said now he's on the Academy Awards accepting Oscars.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone to ask about that. He said Dave Grohl is on the line. He took the call and asked if Dave was able to hear the show on hold. Dave said he was. Howard asked if he is using electronic drums on that song or a real drummer. Dave said it's a drum track. He said it's one of the reasons it sounds so powerful. He said it's really robotic. He said that Trent is a bad ass. He said he was thinking of how back in 1992 his friend didn't have air conditioning so they would look for pools to swim in. He said his friend called and said they were going to swim in the pool where Manson's people killed Sharon Tate. He said Nine Inch Nails were recording in the house so they got to use the pool there. He said they were right there in that house recording and it was really creepy. He said the pool was really cool though.
Howard asked if Dave thinks recording in the place where Charles Manson's people murdered someone gets the vibe infused into the song. Dave said he does. He said when they were there the vibe was really weird. He said it was a very dark vibe. He said that can totally influence the outcome of an album.
Howard said maybe he's right about that. He said he was never into Steely Dan but he loved Nine Inch Nails. Dave said it is a way to catch a vibe.
Howard said he wouldn't think that Trent would use a drum machine. Howard asked Dave if he cares about that. Dave said a lot of his favorite music is made by people who use drum machines. He said he played on a Nine Inch Nails album actually. He said that there is something about that rhythm that can add to a song. He said that it works with Prodigy and Kraftwerk. He said it can be really cool but he loves live drumming too.
Howard asked if people know that he played on a Nine Inch Nails song. Dave said he's not sure. He said he ended up playing on a bunch of songs on that album. He said Trent has a really deep knowledge of studios and composition and arrangement. He said he's more than people think he is. He said it's mind blowing. He said the guy is a bad ass for sure.
Howard asked Dave how it works to get him to play on an album. He sake if he works out a rate or what. Dave said that was the only time he was really paid to play on a record for anyone. He said usually he just goes in and does it and leaves. He said this time he got paid to do it. He said for the most part he doesn't ask anyone. He said sometimes a guy will ask him to come in and put down a track for 5 minutes. He said it's fun for him.
Howard said he'd think he'd be pissed if he had a hit with one of those songs. Dave said he's doing okay so he doesn't care. He said it's just fun for him to throw down a track and bail. He said he does it because he loves to do it.
Howard asked if he'd be nervous to do something like that now. He said that he saw him playing a Paul McCartney song at the White House. He asked if that was nerve wracking. Dave said he loves Paul and hanging out with him. He said that he got the call that he was getting a Gershwin award and he was asked to play Band on the Run. He said he had done it before and Paul. He said that they asked him to play in the middle of the stage with Paul sitting there with him by himself. He said he had no idea. He said that night they had it in the east room of the White House. He said Paul and Obama were like 6 feet in front of him watching him do the song. He said he was so nervous. He said he thought he was going to puke and shit his pants. Dave said he had an epiphany and realized this is one of the coolest moments in his life. He said he should be excited about it. He said his nerves kind of disappeared after that. He said it was scary but it was great.
Howard said the reason he likes to hear he was nervous is because he's been in Nirvana and bands like that... Dave's connection went out right then.
Howard said he's afraid he lost Dave. He said he was going to say that he thought after all these years that he never gets nervous but he does. He said he has to get him back on the phone.
Howard had Dave back on the line. He said what he was saying is that he kind of digs that he was nervous because he has been performing all these years and he's got thousands of hours on stage. He said it means he still cares. Dave said as much as it's the greatest job in the world he still feels like he has to do well. He said that he has to do 2 and a half or 3 hours of songs for people. He said he feels like he has to bring the party. He said he tries to make it the best party every night. He said he never walks out and half asses it. He said he runs on stage and goes 110 percent. He said they have to be the best band that night and every night. He said you get some nerves when you do that. He said it's more an excited energy. He said if you have nerves it's because you can't wait to run out there and do it. He said pretty much every night he looks out to see who is out there. He said he wants to see what they have. He said he tells the guys they're going to tear the place to shreds. He said they all run out and do it.
Dave said he's not that much different than he was as a kid listening to Beatles records. He said he has chipped teeth and looks 1000 years old but he feels like a kid deep down. He said when he runs out there he can't wait to do it.
Howard said some people lose it and just do it for the money. Howard said you look at a kid in the audience and don't want to disappoint that kid. Dave said a lot of people have saved up their hard earned money and want a good show. He said usually when they play they hit hard for 4 or 5 songs without stopping. He said then they rest and he tells the lighting guy to light up the audience. He said he can see everyone. He said when you do that it's so much more intimate and it becomes hours. He said they do that every night.
Howard said Dave is calling in for a good reason. He said he has a big announcement to make. Dave said they have been waiting for a year and a half for shows to open up. He said that they have been waiting to get back on stage. He said for the past 6 months they've been rehearsing and getting ready to do a gig. He said they're going to do one on the 20th at Madison Square Garden. He said they're reopening the place on the 20th of this month. He said they have 25 years of songs on their set list. He said that's going to be at Madison Square Garden.
Howard asked why they picked Madison Square Garden. Dave said they were the first to ask. Howard said that's a good reason. Dave said that he got the call and figured it was going to be in August or something but it's in 3 weeks. He said that's going to be great.
Howard said it's been 460 days since a concert was there. He said this is a sign that things are improving. He said he knows it was killing Dave not being able to play. Dave said it has been the driving force behind the band. He said they've been going out for 26 years now. He said when that was taken away it was strange. He said he misses the live thing so much. Howard said the fans have to be fully vaccinated. Dave said he thinks that's the case. He said that it should be interesting to see how it works. He said it should be great. He said about a month ago they did a live vax concert and they only played like 3 songs. He said when they got on stage the audience was so happy that they were up there doing live music. He said they were singing along harder than ever. He said the vibe should be amazing.
Howard asked what song he's going to open up with. Dave said he knows but he can't give that away. He said he knows the set list already. Howard asked Dave to tell him what it will be. Dave said it'll be something hard. He said he'll open up with Head Like a Hole from Nine Inch Nails.
Howard asked if the guys have gained weight during the pandemic. Dave said they're all in shape like Logan Paul.
Howard said they were on a few months ago and he never got to the bottom of something. Dave lost his connection again.
Howard said he's not sure why he keeps losing Dave. He said he has to ask him what's going on there. He got Dave back on. Dave's connection was horrible. Howard said it can't be on their end. Dave was gone again. He said he thinks that's the Russians hacking them. Robin said they won one yesterday. She said they got all of the ransom money back for the guys who hacked the pipeline.
Howard asked Dave what's going on. Dave said he's not sure if it's him or them. He was gone again. Howard said that's so weird. He said it must be because he went swimming at the Sharon Tate house.
Howard said that he's going to blame Gary. Gary said there's some weird interference there. Howard tried again and had Dave back on. Dave said he's not sure what's going on. He said every time they say the word Nirvana they get cut off. Howard said it's the Manson house thing.
Howard said the last time they were on they made news when they talked about how Dave, Pat and Krist get together and perform Nirvana songs. He said it made news. Dave said he didn't know that. He said Krist is a pilot so he flies his own plane. He said whenever he comes down to Los Angeles they get together. He said that Pat is always around so they get together and just play. He said they just jam. He said they don't run through a set list but they do like to fool around. He said as they do that songs happen. He said if they're in a studio they record them and some of the stuff is really cool. He said they've never done anything with it. He said to them it's just friends fooling around.
Howard asked if Dave sings. Dave said he just plays drums. He said they record the instrumentals and fool around. He said they don't have a singer. He said it's very casual. He said there's no pressure on them to do anything. He said a lot of it's really cool. He said that it sounds like it used to when they get together. He said they still make that noise.
Howard said it sounds different than Foo Fighters. Dave said it sounds like Nirvana. He said it's really cool. Howard said he thought Krist was mad at him for not inviting him into Foo Fighters. Dave said there was nothing like that. He said when the band ended they were just trying to figure out how to continue life. He said they all did it in their own ways. He said Krist started his own band and Pat did his own thing. He said they all went in their own directions to get through it. He said now everyone is living happy lives in different places.
Howard asked if Kurt was already married when he met him. Dave said he was living alone in Washington. He said he didn't really know the band so he flew up to audition for this band and he didn't know where to live. He said he lived on Krist's couch for a while and then Kurt's couch. His connection went out again.
Howard said he wants to find out if he was shocked when Kurt married Courtney. He was back on a short time later. Howard said he had Courtney on the show years ago and she talked about how Kurt probably would have left her eventually and married some super model.
Howard asked Dave if he was shocked when Kurt got married to Courtney. Dave said not at all. He said they were all in the same scene so it wasn't weird at all. He said Courtney and his ex were friends. He said that they were all hanging out in the same scene at the same time. He said it made sense.
Howard asked if Kurt's daughter ever gets in touch with him. He said he feels like she'd like to have him in her life. Dave said they did connect about 10 years ago. He said she came over and had dinner. He said her mom came too. He said his mom was there and they had a big dinner there at the house. He said it was fun. He said he hadn't seen her since she was a little kid. He said it felt nice to get together. He said that there was a family there. He said it made him sad too. He said whenever something makes him think of Kurt it's a bittersweet thing. He said that even talking about him now gives him a tinge of sadness. He said it was a trip to see Frances. He said that he remembers her running around back stage. He said it felt like family. He said that it was cool to see her hanging out with his mom and all of that. He said maybe some day they'll get together again.
Howard said that Dave has his daughter playing with him and no man is ever going to equal impressing her on a date. He said that she gets to sing on stage with 60,000 people. He said no man will ever compare. Dave said he and his daughter are best friends. He said that they go out and go to buy clothes together. He said that she's in the band now too. He said she's one of the backup singers. He said he is her father but she's also his pal. He said they drive around listening to music together in the car. He said his mother was such an incredible parent that she let him become himself. He said that she gave him this freedom in this way. He said his mom is still his best friend. Howard said she really is. He said she let him drop out of school to be a rock star. Dave said she let him do that because she was a school teacher and she knew he wasn't cut out to do that school thing. He said she had faith in him and his drive for music. He said that she let him do his thing and it worked.
Howard gave Dave another plug for this Foo Fighters show at Madison Square Garden. He said you can get tickets this Friday.
Howard said he was listening to the radio the other day and that song from Everlast came on. He said he wondered how some guys can continue to put out songs and some bands just fade away. He said that some guys don't have the magic anymore. Dave said the weird part isn't not having hits. He said the weird part is having hits. He said that song was gigantically huge at that time. He said that probably felt weird to them. He said that if they don't have a hit that doesn't mean they're going to stop playing. He said rock and roll is a young man's game. He said you don't expect a band to last for 30 years. He said that band may exist in that person's universe but being on radio may not. He said it's the love of music that keeps you there.
Howard said Dave is obsessed with bands driving around in vans. He said that they bond in the van. He said Dave lived a good part of his life in a van. He said that becomes your home. Dave said it's like a cocoon. He said that it can be everything you need it to be. Howard asked if guys are having sex in there. Dave said not in their van. He said they had a rule about that. He said you don't shit where you eat. He said that was their only way to survive. He said they had per diem that was like $7.25 a day. He said no one was expecting glamour. He said they just wanted to get to the location and play their gig. He said that van was like their home.
Howard said you can't go back to that life. Dave said that part of you doesn't disappear. He said it really is the drive and love and passion that keeps you going. He said as long as you can set up on stage and blast music on stage that's what keeps you going.
Howard said you can see the documentary on Amazon. Dave said it's on something called Coda. He said it's called ''What Drives Us.'' He said it's about why people did this. He said it's great. Howard said he said something about the Beatles having a fart rule in the back of their van. Dave said you can't imagine them being crammed into a van but that's what they did. He said it's the foundation of it all.
Howard said some bands bond when they do this and some bands fuck it up and don't make it. Dave said they have been together for 26 years and they're tight as people and as a band. He said they have their ups and downs. He said if you want to be there then you stay in the band. He said that they all want to be there so they keep going.
Howard said he loves reading about bands and what they went through. He said he just finished Brandi Carlile's book and she's amazing. He said he loves books by musicians. He said Dave is writing one. Dave said it's done. He said that he remembers everything. He said his memory is still intact. He said to have to go back and write these stories there was no way to fit it all into one book. He said he was writing it in a short story form. He said it will explain all of these times in his life. He said that he's been writing for about a year now. He said that it was a lot of introspection.
Howard said here are some really good books by Patty Smith and Bruce Springsteen. He said that the drummer from the Go Gos just wrote a book that's brutally honest.
Dave said you can go online and see how you made a record but this is emotional stuff he's talking about. He said you try to paint this picture that captures that moment. He said for him it was about almost like watching someone else live their dream. He said that he's watching himself play with Paul McCartney and he's not taking any of this for granted. He said he can't believe this is happening.
Howard said he wants to know what it's like to play with Nine Inch Nails and all of that. Dave said his parents were writers and he's writing this on his own. He said he wanted it to be in his voice so that's how he's writing it. He said hew wanted to do it on his own. Howard said he'd rather read it that way. Dave said he's not quitting his day job. He said he won't become an author. Not yet anyway.
Howard said that he has to congratulate the band on getting into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He said he can't remember who else is in but Dave rattled off everyone getting in.
Howard said he had to go to Cleveland to induct Bon Jovi. He said he did it but he didn't want to be there. Dave said they talked about that when they were on the show a couple of moths ago. Howard said that he suggested Letterman. Dave said that Letterman inducted Pearl Jam so now Howard and Dave are taken so they'll have to find someone else.
Dave said Pat suggested his mom induct them but she said no fucking way when he asked. Howard said how about Tom Morello and Rage Against the Machine not getting into the hall of fame. Dave said he votes for them every year. Howard said he voted this year. He said that he voted for Foo Fighters and for The Go Gos. He said that he voted for Rage Against the Machine too. He said he loves that Dave cares. Dave said it is great that they're being inducted. He said that they don't do it for that but if someone acknowledges you for what you've done for the past 30 years it feels good.
Howard said he has an idea for him. He said Dave is the main guy in the band. He said they let the whole band go up there to accent but don't let them drone on and on. Dave said he thinks that talking so much for the past 26 years then he may give a very short speech. He said those guys need to go up and say their thing. Robin said she loves the move where they have a guy up there who opens up a sheet of paper with a list of things to say. Howard said then he drones on and on.
Howard said they should have a timer on the guys up there. He said that Dave has to tell the guys to keep it short. Dave said you have to give them their time. He said that the year they inducted Nirvana they were up there for 7 hours. He said they had the E Street Band up there. He said the same year Hall and Oates were up there. He said when they got up there they said ''We bet you're glad there's only 2 of us.''
Howard said he has a great idea for Dave. He said the night of the hall of fame he has the person to induct them. Howard said how about Donald Trump. Dave laughed. Howard said he doesn't even say anything about the band. He said he just talks about being robbed of the election. Dave said he thinks that Pat would be all for that. Howard said that would be the greatest thing ever. He said maybe get Mick Jagger or someone like that. Dave said it's not entirely up to him. He said the Hall of Fame has to agree to it.
Howard said Dave is on a roll. He said that Dave has been trapped in his house for a year. He said now they're going out and playing at Madison Square Garden on the 20th. He said that Dave will probably ejaculate on stage from being so pent up. He said that this will be the most energetic performance in his career. Dave said for the last year he has had this recurring dream that they run up to the stage and it's the greatest feeling. He said he has been having this dream that's like a wet dream. He said he wakes up and has to clean himself up.
Howard said he feels like every band Dave has been in has taken things seriously and not worry about the peripheral stuff. Dave said they do take it seriously. He said they are really laid back though too. Howard said they're so fun to watch on stage. He said each member is so fun to watch. He said Dave is great but it's fun to watch everyone else too. He said he loves Taylor on the drums too. He said he's every excited for them and for everyone who wants to go out to see them perform. He gave Dave another plug for the tickets for MSG. Dave said it was fun to talk to them. Howard said that he gave America a good message to drop out of school and tour the country. He said lets all be rock stars. He said it worked out for Dave so why not everyone else. Dave said now he's going to get in trouble for saying that. Howard let Dave go after that.
Howard said that was nice to get a surprise call from Dave Grohl. Robin said it's a sign of life returning to some sort of normalcy. Howard said Dave seems like a good guy. He said you don't hear any weird stories about him. He said that the site to get tickets at is FooFighters.co/MSG. He said he thought it was .com but it's actually .co
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he gave Las Vegas a bad rap yesterday. He said they have great weather out there and it's just incredible to live there. Howard said he's sure Ronnie will be very happy out there. He said that he was just trying to keep him here in New York.
Howard said some people wrote in about Robin and her plans to go to Napa Valley. He said that they were telling him to lock her up and keep her from going on the trip. He said he did put that to a stop.
Howard said that Michael Rapaport was on yesterday and he got a lot of feedback. He read through some of that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loves when he has Dave on. He said he's one of the baddest mother fuckers on the planet. He said he's going to get to see them at the end of July and he's taking his daughter to see them. Howard said they're so great. He said they are incredible. He said it's an honor to know them. Howard played some of their songs like ''Everlong'', ''My Hero'', ''Monkey Wrench'' and more. He blasted through a bunch. He said he thinks that ''Times Like These'' might be their best song. Robin said there's a lot of great ones in there.
Howard said they mentioned DVDs on Monday and people wrote in about that. He said the fans wrote in about how good 4K disks are over streaming. Howard said the guy said they're nuts for getting rid of them.
Howard said Gary said on Monday that there's not one reason to keep a DVD but he has thousands of pieces of vinyl.
Howard said Tom Arnold will be on tomorrow to talk about the documentary about his sister who ran a Meth distribution in the Midwest. He said he likes when Tom comes on. He said forget his sister. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how they're in the head of Rob Zombie now (with The Great American Nightmare). He said that's why music is exciting. He said this is what Rob hears in his head when he wakes up.
Howard said he woke up to the news that Chris Harrison is out at The Bachelor. He said everyone is reading about it. He said he's watching The Bachelorette now. Robin said she is too. Howard said to replace Chris they had two former bachelorettes. Robin said one looks nothing like she used to. Howard said he wasn't going to bring that up but he's not sure what she did to herself. He said her name is Katelyn. He said her face was gorgeous but now she looks completely different like Jennifer Grey. He said this woman was gorgeous and he's not sure what she did to her face. Robin said if it's some condition she apologizes. Howard said she's 35 years old. He said she's a young woman. He said a lot of women get their faces done in their 20s and 30s. He said he's not sure but she looks different.
Howard said Chris Harrison was fired after making some comments about a former contestant going to an Antebellum party. He said no one even know that Chris had a personality. He said he would just sit there like a dummy doing his job on the show. He said he was good at it too. He said Chris was good at standing there and asking the dummies what they thought. He said he was very good at his job. He said he had a certain gravitas. Howard said it felt like there was an adult in charge on the show. He said it worked.
Howard said you didn't know where Chris came from. Robin said she had no idea where he was before and after the show. She said he was just there for the show. Howard said he was a sports announcer or something. He said he was making a nice living doing that job. He said then the racist stuff came out and they sent Chris out to defend this girl. He said they should have given him some practice sessions about something other than that subject. He said Chris goes on the show Extra and he opened his mouth and said all the wrong shit. He said he should have just said he has no clue. He said then it would have been over. He said Chris stated to defend the Antebellum party. He said he didn't have to say anything that he said.
Howard played a clip of Chris talking about that subject on Extra. Chris was defending this girl and the party she went to in 2018. He said it wasn't an issue in 2018 but it is in 2021.
Howard said he was never invited to any parties in college. He said ABC sent him out and he blew it. Robin said he stepped in it with both feet. Howard said they ended up firing him after that. He said they tried to help him out by putting him on Good Morning America. He said they had Michael Strahan on to try to help. He said that didn't work. He said at this point Chris wanted his job back. He said they scripted the whole thing. He said then he started reciting things about being an imperfect man. Howard played a clip from that appearance.
Howard said it sounded like Sal's apology. He said you just want to tell him to shut up. He said it all came off very insincere. Howard played more of the clip and it really did sound like an apology from Sal.
Howard said they slapped all of the ad-lib out of him. He said after that they asked Michael if he accepted it and he said he didn't think so because it sounded kind of bogus. Howard played Strahan's response to that.
Howard said that Strahan kicked him in the balls and other ABC shows had some fun with him too. Robin said he should have gone on The View to apologize to Whoopi. Howard played some of Sal's apology about some comments he made on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said Sal knows how to apologize. He laughed as that clip was playing. Howard said the best part of that apology was that Sal said ''Am I done with this bullshit?'' Howard and Robin were picking that apology apart.
Robin said she was shocked last night about the whole thing with Chris. Howard said according to the newspaper Chris is getting a multi-million dollar payoff. He said he was threatening to talk about the behind the scenes stuff that goes on there. He said if he were ABC he'd just let him tell the secrets. Howard asked what secretes they could have. He said maybe they tell the contestants what to say or give them alcohol or something. He asked what would embarrass them that much. He said he's not sure if that was even true because it was in the gossip page.
Howard asked what the secret could be. He said maybe they allow rape in the fantasy suite. He said he's embarrassed watching that show. Howard said maybe the roses are fake and not real. He said that's what Chris could reveal. He said everyone wants to be famous and no one is looking for love. He said maybe they knew Colton was gay the whole time. Howard said we all knew that. Howard asked what he could have on that show.
Howard read that he was making $5 million a season and he asked for 25 million to go away. He said the show is kind of fun so that's a pretty good payday. Howard said they say that it wasn't 25 million but he did get a double digit pay off. He said that means it's over 10 million. He said that's pretty good.
Howard asked what his big secrets could be. He said there can't be anything that big. Howard was making up more things that Chris could come out with. He had a big secret about paying for all of the contestants abortions and there were many. He had one about putting some chicks on the show just for their personalities and he was fucking them. He had a story about poking holes in the condoms on the show.
Howard said he's not sure how it went down but he assumes that Chris was offered a book deal. He made up more stories about what went on behind the scenes there. He had Chris talking about rubbing toothbrushes on his balls and watching the girls use the toothbrushes after. Howard asked what his secret could possibly be. He made up a story about how they use a green screen to pretend they're off in other countries. He said maybe they created Coronavirus there on the show to keep people home to watch the show.
Howard kept making up more and more stories about what they could have done there on the show. He asked why ABC would be so afraid. He said maybe there was a dark secret there. Robin said maybe they killed someone. Robin asked if anyone is missing from the show. Howard said maybe they hid Osama bin Laden there at the mansion.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was so right about the hosts on Monday. He said they were no good. He said whatever Chris does he does well. He said if they don't find a good replacement then the show may not last a season more. Howard said don't say that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked who is benefiting from this. He said he was on hold to tell Howard that they threw him under the bus but now he hears about the book deal that maybe he came up with all of this to cash out. Howard said the guy isn't that smart. He said the guy doesn't want to be known as a racist. He said you don't go that far to get a pay off. Howard said he did find himself missing Chris on The Bachelor. Robin said there's a lot of face time for these hostesses. She said they were commenting a lot about the show. Howard said it was annoying. Howard said the host shouldn't be better looking than The Bachelorette and they were.
Howard said whatever. He said it's not a big deal. He said he's wrapped up in the show so what can he tell you. Robin said they don't need two women and they don't need to be on so much. Howard said they do need two. He said they have to worry about race on the show.
Howard said things have gotten better in this country since Chris left the show. Robin asked if that's right. Howard said what a dopey guy he is. He said he had it made on that show. He said he didn't have to go on Extra to do that interview. He said all he had to do was keep his mouth shut. Robin said she thought it was a podcast he was on. Howard said she may be right about that.
Howard said Chris should have said he doesn't know anything and all he does is hand out roses on TV. He said that's all he had to do. He said he should have shut his mouth.
Howard said the girl who won that season is still with that guy and she's the one who went to the Antebellum party. He said it's like Trump and Billy Bush. He said Trump became President and Bush got fired from his job. He said this girl says nothing about going to that party and she gets the guy.
Howard said Chris should have said that he's just a talking head and they write down everything he says. Robin said he knew what the topic was going to be and he still messed up. Howard asked who interviews Chris Harrison anyway. He said he's just the host of The Bachelor. He said Chris must be kicking himself in the head. Robin said she'd like to know what his son feels about all of this.
Howard said Chris may not even be able to get laid now. He said that he should have stayed with his wife. He said he went through a divorce and he's ready for the pussy train and now he's out of a job. He said Chris probably thought he was going to get in the Pussy Posse. He said he was going to start his own posse.
Howard said Chris should have told Michael Strahan that he was just a big, dumb idiot. He said Billy Bush and Chris were going to start their own Pussy Posse and now look at them. He said they were all set.
Howard said he thinks that ABC told Chris to go on with Strahan and they'll have him say that he's a good guy and they'll give him a pass. He said they told him to just keep saying he's an imperfect man. He said then Michael gets on and asks what the hell that was.
Howard said he likes a more professional host. He said even in TV to take the contestants and make them the hosts cheapens the show. He said you need a professional hosting the show. He said that they don't have any skin in the game. He said you want a guy to just walk in to represent sanity. Robin said the girls who were on last night want to be on TV. Howard said he hates when they hand it over to someone who wants it so badly. Robin said they weren't even able to open a bottle of champagne.
Howard said you'd think that keeping a giant piece of metal in the sky with people in it would be very distracting. He said he can't imagine watching porn for 3 hours. Robin said this is the argument against self driving cars. She said you have to keep your eyes on the road even with that car driving you. Howard said it doesn't say if he was jerking off or not.
Howard did an impression of a pilot making an announcement about jerking off in the cockpit. He said that guy got fired for that.
Howard said he follows Oprah on Instagram. He said she drives him crazy. He said this woman is washing Oprah's feet in this post she has. He said it makes him crazy seeing that. He said it's not good optics. He said she has this woman at her house giving her a pedicure. Robin said people come to her to do things for her. Howard said she has silly money. Howard said if you want to get your feet done at home that's fine. He said to show it on Instagram it's insensitive. He asked why show off your wealth. Robin said she thinks Oprah feels she's inspiring others by doing that. She said you can become as wealthy as her if you do something in your life. Howard said he doesn't know about that.
Howard said he has some audio of Oprah doing her thing on Instagram. He said the visual isn't there but you get the idea.
Howard said he's proud of her for having that money but maybe don't show it. Robin said he is watching it. Howard said he is. He said she did get him there. He said it's mind blowing to watch it. He said if he had a billion dollars he wouldn't waste his time filming himself doing that. He said she doesn't have to show it. Robin said she made her money knowing what to put on TV. She got Howard.
Howard said this show aligns itself more with George's side of things. Fake George and Fake Mitch went back and forth arguing about gay pride, gun control and things like that.
Mitch asked if George finally ate Brad's ass this morning because he's spewing a lot of shit. They called each other names and George said that Mitch's neck is flabbier than Brad's ass.
Howard asked if America will ever come together. George said that Mitch has no idea what it's like to be Asian in this country. Mitch said sure he does. He said that his wife is Asian. George rang his bell for Brad and then Mitch rang his bell for his wife Elaine.
George and Mitch kept arguing about things and ringing their bells. Howard tired to give them equal time but they kept talking over each other.
Howard said he's glad they got to speak today. He said that they have to let them go. Mitch said that he has work to do. He said George is on Instagram all the time like a girl. The two of them cursed each other out. Howard asked them to say something nice about each other. Mitch said he always enjoyed him on Star Trek even though everyone knows that Star Wars is better. George said that the good thing about Mitch is that he's old and he will die soon.
Howard asked if George and Mitch find each other attractive at all. George said not at all. He said he looks like he has a skin graft from an elephant's ball sack. Howard let the two of them go.
Howard said the guys taped King on the other show and he annoys him just as much as he does on this show. Howard played a clip of King talking about how he's not sure how blacks don't sue the United States over damages done to black people and money owed. King claimed to be a lawyer and he has answers about that. He said he practices entertainment law. Howard said he was laughing over that.
Howard said after that call people called into Joe's show and revealed who he really was. He said then King called in to apologize for saying he was a lawyer. He said Joe shut that right down after that.
Howard had the audio of King's apology and Joe telling him he won't get away with that. He told King that's against the law to tell people that you're a lawyer when you're not. Joe asked King why he would lie about that. King said he thought he had to say that for him to take him seriously. Joe hung up on him.
Howard said King called into the show again as a first time caller with a different name but Joe didn't put up with that either. King tried to change his voice as the new caller. King said some things that Joe didn't like.
Howard said Joe got tipped off that it was King again and he denied it. Howard said he lied to Joe about that and he insulted him in this. Howard played the clip and King said he doesn't know who that is. They asked if he calls the Howard Stern Show and King said that he would never listen to that idiot.
Howard said they just got rid of him. He said he's annoyed that he has a good phone connection when he calls that show. Howard picked up on King and asked why that is. King said first of all he used his phone the first time and then they blocked that. He said then they blocked his wife's phone and he used his daughter's phone. He said his last phone is his son's. He said that he calls that show because they don't want to hear that same shit for 100 years. He said it's almost like they like the struggle. He said that's why he suggested suing the country. He said you can prove damages. He said he knows about lawsuits. Howard said it doesn't sound like a crazy idea. King said he talked to a high power Jewish lawyer. He said he said it's an excellent idea. Howard asked why you would call him an idiot. King said he had him on the ropes so he had to say something.
Howard said Joe is on every morning on channel 126. He said if you want to check him out go over there. King said the guy is boring. He said that they play the church music and all of that. He said he's a nice guy but it's crazy.
King asked if they noticed that Joe said that his first thought is that you can't sue the country. Howard said maybe Joe is a lawyer. King said he isn't a lawyer. Howard said that's enough of this. He said he thought it was funny that he was calling into other shows. King said he doesn't call into any shows other than that. Howard said he called into another show and used the name Shampoo. King said he has his own show that he uses that name on. He said he uses King of All Blacks for his audience.
Howard said King called into Star and Buck Wild as Shampoo. He said he's not crazy. He said that Joe was arrested for fighting against slavery in the Sudan. King said that doesn't solve anything. Robin said you do what it takes. King said he's sitting in a house with central air that's too cold. He said he doesn't care about any struggles like that. Howard said that's like saying you don't respect Martin Luther King for marching. King said that he has one thing to say. He said that's a good point but in 2021 that doesn't work. Howard said he thinks it does. He said look at Jane Fonda. He said she'd start out small and grow. He said he has to go.
King said he thinks that Joe has a gripe with Howard and that's why they hang up on him. Robin said the only one who disparaged Howard was King in that clip. Gary said Joe has no gripe with Howard. He said he sat next to him at a dinner and he has no gripe with him. Howard said Joe has a gripe with King of All Blacks. King said he has a gripe with Howard because they don't have the brain power to converse with him. Robin said they have the ability to talk to him and Wendy the Slow Adult. King said he loves Howard. Howard told him to go call Joe.
King asked if he heard the story about the 10 year old kid who got shot through the door. Howard said he did. King asked why Black Lives Matter aren't helping that kid out. Howard said it's a nightmare out there. He said things are horrible. King said he knows why. Robin said he won't come out of his air conditioned house to do anything about it. Howard said he thought King was calling in to talk about Oprah's feet. King said that she had a towel over her feet and you know she didn't want anyone to see them. He said she told the black lady to rub her feet and not show them.
Howard said he doesn't know why she didn't show her feet but King has a foot fetish so he wants to see them. Howard said he can cum just seeing a woman's feet. King said without a doubt. Howard asked if he could cum from seeing her feet. King said she doesn't attract him but her feet could do it. Howard told him to tell that to Joe Madison. King said he doesn't want that. King said he had something installed in this condo he owns. He said if the guy didn't pay him he's not going to ask him for reparations. He was still talking about the stuff they talked about on Joe's show.
King said he did his thing with his wife's feet this morning. He said he smelled her feet and it overtook him. He said that he saw her leg and he grabbed it, humped it and came. Howard asked if he's telling the truth. King said he is. He said she was sleeping and he did that. King said he has to test her. He said that he touched her arm first and she was like ''stay off me'' and he did his leg thing. Howard asked if this is foot rape. Robin said it does seem like there is no consent. Howard asked if he rubbed on her foot. King said he smelled her feet first. He said it had a little scent to it. He said that he fought with himself over it. He said he wasn't going to do that. He said he saw her leg and he took it out and rubbed her leg. He said he felt better and then she pulled the sheets up. Howard asked if she felt the wet. King said she did. Howard asked if he wiped it off. King said he doesn't have semen anymore. He said he had rectal cancer and they took it out. He said nothing comes out when he finishes. Howard said he has an orgasm but they must have taken out his prostate or something. King said they took out the tumor and the tubing that connects that isn't there anymore. He said he thought about suing but the lawyer told him that it wasn't worth it.
Howard said the guy saved his life from cancer and he thought about suing him. King said that's why the lawyer told him not to do it. He said the guy told him the optics wouldn't look good.
Howard asked how he knew he had cancer. King said he saw blood coming out when he went to the bathroom. He said it kept happening and he got tested. Howard said go tell Joe Madison that. King said they don't want to hear a solution to anything. He said they just want to talk.
Howard said he has to go. King said he loves him. Howard said he loves him too. He said Harvey Weinstein hears him talking about jerking off to his wife's feet and wonders why he does it. He let King go after he started to bring something else up. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and talked about how great this song is. He said unfortunately Freddy didn't keep himself alive. He said it's a great riff and maybe their best song. He said he loves it.
Robin said she heard a Queen song that she had never heard before. Howard said he's not sure if he's ever heard that either. He said he just knew the hits when he was playing records. He said Brian May wrote this song. He said it was the first one he wrote for Queen. He said he didn't know if he was much of a song writer but look at this. He said it's awesome.
Howard said he told Fred to write him a song and it's never all done. He said he'll talk to Tom Arnold in about 20 minutes. He said it's on Discovery+ called Queen of Meth. He said his sister was like the guy in Breaking Bad. He said she was really big in the drug business. He said she was running a Meth empire that went over 4 states.
Howard heard a knock at the door. It was fake Arnold Schwarzenegger. He said he's pumped that Tom is coming on. Howard said the movie they did together called True Lies was great. He said the scene where Jamie Lee Curtis is dancing for him is great. He said that she's in a bra and panties. He said that was great. Arnold said he had to work out his legs in the gym that day.
Howard said what an attractive scene that was. He said it was comical because she fell down during that scene. Howard said he's shocked that he didn't fuck her. Arnold said he likes to keep things processional outside the house. Howard said Tom will be on and maybe he can come on and say hello to him. Arnold said he'd love that. Howard thanked him for knocking on the door. He let him go after that.
Robin asked if he snorted it or shot it. Ed said that he would rather not say but needle. He said that he was on first avenue and they took care of him. He said whatever it was down town. Howard asked how he's going to make it to work today. He asked how he gets it if he has no money. Ed said that he messed up. Robin asked what that means. Ed said he shouldn't have been doing that. Robin said yeah. Ed said they know him and he used to do vodka and wine. He said then this is how he messes up. Howard asked if he was alone while he did it. Ed said he was by himself. Robin asked why he would get heroin. Howard said he's an addict. Ed said it started out with Hydrocodone.
Howard said Ass Napkin Chris is there and he has something to say. Ass Napkin Chris told him that he messed up too. He said his worms crawled into a bottle and climbed back into him.
Howard asked if he needs medical help. He said that he knows this is a new level for him. He asked Ed to do him a favor. Ed said that he needs Drew Pinsky. He said he offered him something and he hopes he hears the show. He said he offered him to go to Florida and shit. Robin asked if this is how he gets a free vacation. Howard said maybe so.
Howard said he thought that Ed would die from alcohol poisoning. He said he's going to put him on hold and have his team of morons evaluate what's going on with him so they can get him help if he needs it.
Ed said he has something he wants to ask him. He said his eyebrows are going bald. He asked if it would look weird if he glued them in. Howard said he's not going to tell him a priority list of things to worry about but he's high on heroin right now and he's worried about his balding eyebrows. Ed said that's an understatement about him being high right now. Howard said he's going to let him talk to Ass Napkin Chris. Chris tried to do his impression of Ed and talk to him but Ed wanted to do an impression of himself doing an impression of Chris doing an impression of him. Howard said he's going to put him on hold and let the guys figure out if he needs help. He said he could be in great trouble with the heroin thing. He said his eyebrows are the least of his problems. He said as funny as it is this is pretty serious. He said someone should check him out. Howard put him on hold.
Robin said he's in the worst shape and he's going off to get heroin. Howard said he's in distress and he called a guy who talked about Chris Harrison all morning.
Howard took a call from Pocket who said this guy will buy heroin on the street but he wont trust the vaccine. Howard said that's his problem. He said he knows other people like that. He said that he knows a guy who won't get it and he's done so many high risk things. He said this person says that they haven't done enough research with this vaccine. Robin said they're doing giveaways now to get people to get the vaccine. Robin said there's a company that's giving away free beer if people get the vaccine. Howard said there are countries who are begging for vaccines and people won't get them here. He said they should be sent off to other countries where they don't have the vaccine.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to say that if Ass Napkin Ed is using heroin it's not even heroin anymore. He said it's other stuff that they sell as heroin. He said it's Fentanyl and stuff like that. He said Ed has to be careful with that. Howard said he's only being careful about the vaccine. He said the guy is walking around with worms hanging out of his ass but he won't get the vaccine. He said Ed is willing to roll the dice on heroin so he should do the same with the vaccine.
Howard said we finally have a way out of this COVID thing and these idiots won't get the vaccine so we're going to get screwed. He said they're going to fuck up everything for us. Robin said we'll never get out of this because of that. Howard said the new variant is on its way. He said hurry up and go to the Foo Fighters concert before we're locked up again.
Howard said that people were also talking about Benjy and what he's been up to with dating. Howard read some feedback about the discussion they had with Benjy yesterday. Someone pointed out that Benjy is a right wing kook. Howard said he didn't even know that. He asked if he has that right. Benjy said he did vote for Trump. Howard asked if he did both times. Benjy said he is a real jerk and he did some asinine things. He said he thinks policy wise he's better for the country than Biden. Howard said now he senses why these women don't want to date him. Howard read more comments about Benjy and the discussion they had yesterday.
Howard said he wishes Benjy luck in his dating. Robin asked if he'll ever find love. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said that he's in his 50s and he can't get along with people. Benjy said he's 49. Howard said that's right, they don't talk about his age. Howard said he's difficult to work with. He said even when he talks it's so out there that it's hard to be in the room with him. Benjy said he has had a lot of great relationships. He said 90 percent of his dates go great. Howard said he doesn't believe that. He said that something always goes wrong. Howard said he'll never be in a long term relationship. Benjy said he has. He said it was like 3-5 years. Howard asked how many of those years were sexual. Benjy said he has had fine relationships. Howard asked how long he's worked there. Benjy said 20 something. Howard said he hasn't seen one good relationship. He said he does have one with his dog so that gives him hope.
Howard asked Benjy what happens with the dates that do go well. Benjy said he is very quick at making a decision. He said he decides on marrying someone pretty quick. Howard said he will never find the right person. He said that's just who he is. He said he needs to do deep analysis. He said that he needs to do that to have a relationship. He said he doesn't see it happening. He said he can have a good life without that. He said he has the dog so there you go. Benjy said if he doesn't get married that's fine. Howard said he doesn't think he can be in a long term relationship. Benjy said he has them with great friends. Robin said that's not what they're talking about. Howard said it's enough of that. Robin and Benjy kept talking about long term relationships. Howard asked Robin to go on Benjy's show to talk about that. They played Benjy off with a song parody.
Howard read some feedback about Las Vegas and Ronnie moving out there. He had some comments about how great it is out there. Howard said he will miss Ronnie when he moves.
Howard said one fan thinks Ronnie won't be able to handle the heat out there. He said that pools get so warm that it's not good to swim in.
Howard said he has to take a break and get to Tom Arnold. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said he has Tom Arnold there and he always enjoys when he's on. He said he loves hearing about his life. Howard said he looks good. Tom said he looks good too. Howard said he's in shape and thin. Tom said he's thick but he feels good. Howard said you have to look good out there in Hollywood. Robin asked if he's staying in shape for work. Howard said you have to do that for the girls too.
Howard said he's very fond of Tom. He said he heard that he got divorced. He said that was his fourth marriage. Howard asked if he says ''Fuck marriage'' now. He said that he keeps thinking that he can make it work. Tom said after the third divorce you think that it might be me. He said the great thing is that he has two kids. He said that's the worst part about the divorce. He said that when you have kids they really have you. He said it's good to be divorced but it's tough. He said he'd like to say that he'll never marry again but he's got an 8 and a 5 year old kid. He said not many babes are looking for that.
Howard asked what it's like financially he said he's made a lot of movies so he has done very well. He said he takes a huge hit each time. He said that he must want to have some money in his old age. Tom said especially this last one it was tough. He said that things were tough with this last one because it was so contentious. He said Sharon Stone is a good friend of his and she went through something like that and she told him that he was going to go through all of his money to get his kids. He said that you really do. He said that when they were married they had a big house in Beverly Hills and they moved when they got married. He said the new house is tight but it's wonderful. He said you just don't need all of this stuff.
Howard said he heard that he sold a Warhol painting he had. He said that must have made him crazy. Tom said he sold a couple. He said he sold them near the end of the marriage to keep it alive. He said that he had several Warhols. Howard asked what they were. Tom said the moon landing, John Wayne and a Marilyn Monroe on Hollywood Blvd. Tom said when you sell all of this stuff it's things that you think your kids would like some day. He said that he had to get rid of this stuff. He said that he had to pay the IRS and all of that and he had nothing. He said that he got worried because he didn't have access to his accounts. He said he closed his accounts and opened new ones. He said he was trying to figure out what kind of money he had. He said he had $100,000 in his backpack. He said that's really what he had. He said he had to work again and then COVID hit in January. He said his business was kind of devastated so there's been a few years that it hasn't been excellent. He said he has gotten to spend time with his kids though so that's been great. Tom said that this is the thing for him.
Howard said it's kind of sad that he has kids at 62 and he went through so much as a kid himself. He said thinking of selling stuff off has to suck. He asked if he went to talk to a therapist about it. He said it seems like there's some real anger there. Tom said if he didn't see his kids every day he's not sure what would go on. He said when he makes a list at the therapist you have to figure out what's really important. He said he doesn't have his art anymore. He said he sold off a lot of that. He said he had a Rembrandt. He said now he has his kid's art on the wall and that's great too.
Howard asked Tom about Roseanne and what that was like when her show came back out. Tom said he liked the show. He said he was asked to write a review for it. He said that the show had gotten canceled when they were working on it. He said he was happy about the reunion show. He said that they had some of the writers from the show and that was great. He said he had no idea how down the well Roseanne was with Trump. He said he knew that it was going to be bad news for her. He said that she put a lot of effort into things like calling the Boston bombing a ''false flag' and stuff like that. He said he figured ABC must have known about it. Tom said that his step daughter was very worried about that. He said he cares about Roseanne and he was afraid that things were going to go bad. Howard said the show was great and things didn't work out.
Tom said that Roseanne said they were going to make the show all about Trump. He said that he could tell that she was melting down and she sabotaged the show. He said he was communicating with her and told her she can't do some of the stuff she wanted to do. He said that she was self destructive. He said he had a hard time getting her to work on good days so she really didn't want to be there.
Howard said you don't hear from her anymore these days. He said he's not sure what happened there. He said maybe she's keeping her mouth shut to keep out of the public eye. Tom said there has to be something up with her. He said that when she sang the National Anthem they were afraid that her show was going to get canceled. He said that meant so much to her to do that. He said that there's something up with her now. He said there's something different. He said it's that cult thing going on around the country. He said she's all in on the Qanon thing. He said she is that person now. He said he's not sure what help could be had. He said he knows that her family is trying to help. He said there's no reasoning with her though.
Howard said he's thinking about Tom and women in the future. He said he thinks he will look for love again. He said he saw a picture he posted on Instagram where he was making out with his assistant. He said he thinks she'll be the next Mrs. Arnold. Tom said that Sasha came to work for him at a rough time. He said she's a comedian and actor too. He said she was wiling to do the worst jobs. He said that he doesn't like to have a nanny and she's more like an Aunt to the kids. Howard said she's hot too. Tom said he asked her to move in and he thinks that the kids are getting a lot of care and energy from her. Howard asked if he's in love with her. Tom said he loves her but he's not in love with her.
Howard asked if he has asked her if she's into him. Tom said he told her when she started that if she has needs then he's there for her. He said they had an earthquake the fight night she stayed there and she thought he was masturbating furiously in his room. He said it hasn't happened yet but he knows her better than his first three wives. He said he thinks she's funny and lovely. He said that he did kiss her on camera that time and his daughter had him come in to talk about it. He said she was concerned about him kissing a woman. He said he told her that it was just a friendly kiss but some day women will want to kiss him in the other way. He said the kids aren't ready for that yet. He said he's not sure if it would be good if he had another woman in his life.
Howard said he was looking at something about Tom where Chris Farley was his best man at his wedding. Tom said that was his second marriage. He said Chris did an impression of him and Victoria Jackson did Roseanne on Saturday Night Live. He said they loved that bit. He said they were going out to co-host the show and Lorne told him he has a lot in common so he had him hang out with him. He said he was his sponsor for a few years. He said they traveled together for a few years. He said that he came out to do his HBO specials. He said it was very funny. He said he ended up disappearing with his 17 year old cousin at the wedding. Howard said it must have driven him crazy that he was using. Tom said he was on his way to his 17th rehab. He said that he didn't want to be around him because he didn't want him to see what he was up to. He said his brother worked on his show and his brother is great. He said he told Chris that you can't be fat and do drugs. He said you can't do everything. He said he was a very funny and sweet guy. Howard said you have to be careful when you're big like that and doing drugs.
Howard asked if he had a bachelor party with Chris. Tom said he did. He said that they went to Scores. He said David Spade was there too. He said Chris would get naked at Scores. He said he had no problem getting naked. He said Chris once came out and pooped in the yard after a big dog did it. He said that's the kind of guy he was. Howard asked if he really got naked and danced at the strip club. Tom said he did. He said that he was embarrassed about doing that Patrick Swayze dance bit and he told him he should just go for it.
Tom said he went to a massage parlor and you had to take a shower there before doing it. He said he came out once and Chris was there completely naked. He said that he did it just to see how he'd react to it. He said he was reading the paper completely naked. He said that no one was like that. He said that Chris was very timid with women. He said that he loved Tawny Kitaen and took a giant limo to pick her up. He said Chris picked her up and she introduced him to her husband. He said she just wanted to go on the date with him to have fun. Tom said when you're a big guy you think that someone like Tawny is your type. He said when you're big you have to pick the big ones. He said Chris was a real sweetheart.
Howard said he wishes he had met Chris Farley but he never did. He said that he loved him on Letterman when he made this crazy entrance. He said he thought he was going to die from a heart attack. Tom said he probably came close.
Howard said hosting Saturday Night Live must be some memory for him. He said writing a whole show in a week is intense. He said that has to rival the meetings at the Roseanne show. Tom said that it is nerve wracking. He said that it's tough to be back there and hearing the countdown to the live show. He said the thing he liked about Lorne was that if a sketch didn't work out they'd just move on. He said he won't dwell on it. He said everyone else did but Lorne didn't.
Howard said if he got hung up on one sketch he wouldn't be in it for the long run. He said you have to be able to move on.
Tom said that Lorne was great about Chris too. He said he's from a working class family. He said he doesn't seem like it. He said Chris is from a rich family. He said that he suspended him for the rest of a season and he was trying to save his life. He said that Chris had a lot of life left in him. He said he could have died doing the same things that Chris was doing. He said that he never would have been a parent. He said that's been his goal. He said that's the gift. He said he doesn't think Chris could see himself in 10 years. Howard said that's what you wonder about. He said you want to know what it would have looked like and if it was possible.
Howard asked Tom how long he's been sober. Tom said it's been a long time. He said that Chris could have lived a long time too. He said he went back to rehab about 4 years ago. He said he was being his own doctor and using benzos. He said that a lot of people die from that but they don't talk about it. He said he's grateful that he did that. He said you have to be 100 percent with kids. He said he doesn't take anything now. He said he's been around the sober world for 30 some years. He said that he's been going to meetings for 35 years. He said even in 2008 and 09 he was on drugs after he wrecked his motorcycle. He said that the relapse was part of his journey.
Howard asked if there's anything you can really do for someone who isn't sober. He said there can't be anything other than suggestion that he go to a meeting. Tom said that's right. He said that you can tell them that this and that works for you but they have to see it can work. He said it takes courage. He said you're not unique. He said you can tell someone what you went through and if you show up enough then it can help. He said that he knew a guy who killed someone and you can love that person knowing that they're trying to pull themselves up from that. Howard asked what the guy did to kill someone. Tom said he was driving and got into a car wreck. He said his best friend was in the car with him. He said that guy has been sober for 20 years now. He said that guy is great to deal with these people who kill people. He said this guy created that Rya app. He said that he's always honest about the whole thing. He said that he talks about it and tells everyone that his best friend died because of him. He said that helps a lot of people.
Howard said he's in the middle of this documentary about his sister. He said it's mind blowing that his sister was into that and he was trying to get sober. He said he had this sister who was succeeding and had more money than god and he was trying to get his own thing going. Tom said he wasn't able to do that because of the kind of addict he was. He said the guy his sister worked with wasn't the kind of guy he liked. He said he was the head of a motorcycle gang. He said that his sister is a year younger and their father raised them by himself. He said that he moved in with his mom and knew that she was out of her mind. Howard said she really was. Howard said that he had a mother who didn't protect him at all. He said it's no wonder he was a drug addict. He said that it's almost predestined when you have a parent like that. Tom said when his mom left when he was 4 she was a sloppy drunk. He said she's the one who took him to this guy who ended up raping him. Howard said the whole thing with her was so weird.
Tom said that his sister followed him over to his mom's house. He said he just didn't want any rules. He said his sister worshiped their mom. He said that his father never bad mouthed her. He said that his sister's sense of realty was that their mom was a hero. He said his sister started dating this 23 year old scumbag and she was only 14. He said his mom took her to marry the guy in Missouri. He said that he found that out and called his dad to tell him. He said that night his mom came home so drunk. He said she was all sad sacky. He said that she told him that Lori was at ''her apartment'' with that guy. He said that guy ended up beating her and he took her out of that place. He said that you can't go back to 8th grade after that. Tom said his sister was smart and she built this empire.
Howard said he felt so frustrated about Tom and his sister when they were arguing about their mom. He said he could tell that Tom was frustrated by her saying that she was her hero. Tom said that their mom fucked them over in that scene. Howard said his sister won't see reality. Howard said his mom was the one who turned his sister on to speed with diet drugs.
Tom said he felt for his sister when she went to prison in 1991. He said that the people under her went to prison. He said that they lost a lot of parents. He said having a sister who is a big drug dealer isn't terrible when you're doing drugs. He said that she'd come in with a big purse full of stuff. He said his dad was very naive and didn't know what was going on. He said she had everything in that purse. He said that she was his sister and he had a great lawyer who helped her. Howard asked if the feds went after her because Tom was famous and she was his sister. Tom said he's sure they did. He said they put pressure on every aspect of her life. He said he's sure that they were doing it because of him. He said that she had this big working farm making Meth and they weren't that far away. He said he was sober then in 1990. He said he had to stay away from Lori after getting sober. He said he didn't see her face to face for a whole year. He said her business was growing like crazy and she was dealing with the Mexican cartel.
Tom said that he felt bad for her 9 year old son who was being left behind. He said that kid has never done drugs. He said that his sister got out of prison and he got her a job at the meat packing plant. He said then he heard she was working at a bar after she quit that job. He said then she was dealing drugs again so he had to fly home to stop her from doing that. He said that they tried to help her but she told them to mind their own business. He said he had to leave her alone for a few years after that.
Tom was telling the story about his sister and his camera froze. Howard said you have to see this documentary. He said his sister was a big person in the business like in Breaking Bad. He said he wanted him to come on and talk about it because it's insane. Howard said he hasn't seen the whole thing yet but there's a whole series about it. Robin said she loves watching stuff like that.
Howard said that his sister was the real deal. He said he thinks it's 3 episodes. He said he's only on the first one.
Gary said they're calling Sasha to get Tom back on the line. He said they hope to have him back in a minute.
Howard said if he does manage to get him back on he's going to ask if he can get Sasha back on to find out if she's into him. Robin said they'll deny it but next week they'll get married. Howard said he thinks that he'd be better off getting back on drugs than getting married again.
Howard had Tom and Sasha on the line so he asked if she's going to hook up with him at all. She said not anytime soon. Tom said it could happen in the hall after this. He said there is nudity in the house. Sasha said hi to Robin. Howard asked if she's dating at all. Tom said no but he's not sure if that would bother him at all. He said she's a young person and they do things like hook up. He said neither of them have had sex for a long time. Tom said it's been 2 and a half yeas for him. He said that women do come on to him but he has kids and he can't bring them home.
Howard asked if Sharon Stone is married. Tom said she's not. He said she's great. He said she's a year older than him but she looks great. He said that she's amazing and interesting. Howard asked if Sharon ever talks to him about that leg crossing scene and gets angry about it. Tom said she was at one time. He said that if someone screws her over she doesn't want to out them. She wants to get in their face and ask what they were thinking. He said she gives them a chance. Tom said that she's on Bumble and that's a dating site. He said she has stories about her dates that are interesting. He said she will ask the guys if they have a secret and one guy did have a story about being a book their. He said he had been in jail all over the world for stealing. He said at the end of the night he gave her a book that was a first edition book that he claimed wasn't stolen. He said she has a lot of stories like that. He said she likes interesting people. He said he can see her marrying again.
Tom's connection cut out for a second. He was talking about the kind of people Sharon likes.
Howard said going on these dating sites can get you into trouble. He said people can say something negative about you. He said that Sharon has to be paranoid about these guys. Tom said he feels bad for Ben Affleck. He said he's known him for many years and one lady put up some videos of him. He said if there's ever a rivalry out there he's on team Ben. He said he's a solid, great dude. Howard asked how he knows Ben. Tom said he had something in common with him that he may have had in common with Chris Farley. He said he knew that about him when he moved out there. He said people like to crap on Ben but he's always Team Ben. He said he's amazing.
Howard said if Ben goes on a dating site and a woman says something about him they don't have to talk to him. He said you know who he is so don't get started with him. He said just swipe by him.
Tom said that Sharon likes younger guys. He said she got kicked off Bumble because they didn't think it was really her. He said she had to prove it. Tom said that Sasha tried to get him on Bumble but he didn't want to do it. He said that he's been married 4 times and if he's dating more than one person he'd feel like he's cheating. He said that he wants to be a good father for these two kids.
Howard asked how Arnold is doing. Tom said they zoom. He said that he's good and he has a new show coming out. He said it's kind of True Lies-esque. He said he's a good guy too. He said that Sasha is a big fan of Arnold's and he Zoom'd with him and he told Arnold about how big a fan she was. He said he could see that it pepped him up to talk to her. He said he has a twinkle in his eyes. Howard said he knows that.
Howard said he has Arnold on the line to talk to him. He put Fake Arnold on and he asked Tom if he's still lifting weights. Tom just laughed. Arnold said he can hear it in his voice. He said he has to hit the gym. Howard asked Arnold if Tom should date his assistant or avoid it. Fake Arnold said that he got advice from Tom and he doesn't think it's a good idea. Howard said there you go. Tom said they're not comparing Sasha to the maid. Arnold said not at all. He said he had to turn the maid over but Sasha is very attractive. Tom said he doesn't want to ruin things with her so he doesn't want to have sex with her. Robin said please remember that.
Howard asked what he's doing for a sexual outlet. He asked if he's watching porn. Tom said he is. He said that he has to be careful with the kids around. He said his son has never slept in his own bed. He said that he has to plan things out. He said he watches porn on Twitter. He said that there are some scenes he can watch and it doesn't take long. He said his house is small so he has to be careful. Howard said he makes a date with himself and cycles through the things on Twitter. He said there's no shame in that. He said we all do that.
Tom said he asked Sasha to get him some Astroglide but she refused to get it for him. He said he just wanted to make things more enjoyable for himself. Howard said he should be watching boss and assistant porn.
Tom said there was a porn film that they made and he did hook up with the girl who was in the porno.
Howard said he admits to everything and that's what's great about him. He said no one can say he has secrets. He said he talks about everything. He said there's nothing that anyone has on him. He said he has nothing to be ashamed of. He said his sister was a drug dealer and he put out a documentary about it. He said it's an unbelievable life. Tom said he's grateful to Howard for breaking the whole thing about talking about masturbation. He said it's a great thing for the world.
Howard said when he heard he had a 3 inch penis he was jealous. He said he has 2 inches more than he does. Tom said his kid heard that and they have seen people say things like that about him. He said Sasha asked if it was true and he told her ''Sometimes.'' He said you have to push the fat down and get in there to measure it.
Howard asked how his weight is. Tom said he's gained weight during the pandemic. He said he likes to eat what the kids don't eat. He said he has to get his weight down. He said he's about 255 right now. Howard said no kidding. Tom said he should be about 210. Howard said he agrees. He said they'd all like to see him get down to that weight.
Howard said Tom is in ''Queen of Meth'' which is on Discovery+. He said it's a great service and it's an unbelievable story. He said it's a real life Breaking Bad. He said you understand how they ended up in that mess with the parents they had. He said it's a warning to the world. He said when you don't get the proper parenting then shit can go bad.
Howard said Tom is thinking about turning the documentary into a scripted service. He said he wants Margot Robbie to play his sister. He said she could do that by not wearing makeup. Tom said that he said something about that and his sister asked what the fuck he was talking about when he mentioned Charlize Theron in ''Monster.'' Tom said Discovery did a great job with the documentary. He said there are things that didn't happen without them. He said he and his brother and sister got together for the first time in 28 years. He said that wouldn't have happened without Discovery. He said his brother was mad at him because he did bully him. He said his brother Scotty owed him money because he bought him a car. He said his brother had forgotten about that whole thing. He said he thought it was because of something else.
Howard said that family dynamic is crazy. He said it's a crazy way to grow up. Tom said he's working with his kids so they don't end up like that. He said you can tell when your parents care about you. He said some parents don't want to be with their kids. He said his grandmother loved being with him. He said he could feel it. He said it's not always what you say or do. He said if it's too abusive you don't have to have a relationship with your family. He said he and his sister do have a history together and they covered it well in that documentary.
Howard said Tom's mother left him when he was just 4 years old. He said she had him at 16. Tom said that was the best thing she did for him. He said his mother gave his dad the keys to the house and told him they were all his. He there's all kinds of stories about his mother and the guys she married. He said when she died they weren't speaking and she had a tabloid story about him. He said he went to her grave and read a letter that he wrote to her to get things off his chest. He said on the Roseanne show he gave that letter to her to read it about her father when he died on the show. He said she won an Emmy for that show.
Howard said he'd like to play the scumbag who marries Margot Robbie in the TV series.
Howard gave Tom more plugs and wrapped up with him. He said it's always good to talk to him. He said he has a lot going on so he can't wait to find out what's next. He let him go after that.
Howard said he loves talking to Tom. He said he has a lot of great stories. He said he's been married 3 times less than his mother and he's been married 4 times.
Howard said Tom was looking for the lost Trump tapes but he never found them. Robin said that didn't work out.
Howard asked what this Foot Nanny is. Robin said they make foot products. Howard asked if the woman rubbing Oprah's feet was the Foot Nanny. Robin said it was. She said that's what she was screaming about. Howard said he didn't realize that. He said he's so out of it that he thought it was some random woman rubbing her feet. Robin said Oprah had a good intention.
Gary said that he's on the Foot Nanny web site and those jars of cream are $48. He said it's a bunch of stuff for $48. Howard said guys put their penis is that stuff if they see it. Gary said that's what Tom was saying. Howard said he wasn't aware of that.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who was trying to get a question out but Fred kept playing the ''Hey now!'' clip and Mike kept responding to it. Howard was about to hang up but Mike said he feels bad for Gary for taking so much abuse over the years. He said he hears it in the replays. Howard said Gary is having too good a life. He said this show is the best thing to happen to Gary.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the weed gummies are a miracle. He said he talked his wife into taking them. He said that she's super bitchy one day and she took half a gummy and when he gets home she takes the other half and they had sex after putting the kids to bed. He said that she let him slip it in her backdoor. Howard said alright then. He said now he's getting anal after his wife used weed gummies. Fred played some fart sounds as he was talking about that. The caller said he warms his wife up with fingering and works into that. Howard said he thinks what this guy is saying is that his wife took gummies and he put his finger in her ass. Robin said she thinks that he was saying he learned that from Ronnie. Howard said that he gave her unplanned anal. He asked if he pulled out any doody. The caller said not at all. He said it's becoming a regular thing now too. Howard said he hasn't heard that before but maybe the gummies loosen up the anus. The caller said it chills out the bitchiness. Howard said what a plug for the marijuana industry. The caller said it's like a PMS pill. Howard said it sounds like he's putting up with a lot but this is helping.
Howard asked if he likes the anal thing. The caller said not that much. He said he likes watching her face when he does it though. He said she looks like she's having that cum face the whole time. Howard said he's curious about the anal and if she's moving her bowels easier now. The caller, David, said he's never even heard his wife fart. He said he's never experienced that. He said she's never even let out a toot. Howard said alright David, that was fascinating. He let him go. He said what a commercial that was. Howard said they learn a lot on this show.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella. Robin asked where he's been. Ralph said he went to visit his mother in Florida. He said that they had more masks down there than they do up there. He said they finally got things together down there. He said he thinks Tom Arnold is in the top 5 guests now. He said that they could have done an hour on each of those 50 stories he told. He said he loved the advice that he had for Farley to be either fat or a drug addict. Howard said that could have worked out if he had just picked one. Ralph said usually drugs make you lose your appetite so he's not sure how Chris stayed so fat.
Howard said how about Sharon Stone being on a dating app. Robin said that site is run by women. She said that they work their way into meeting people. She said they take their time. Howard said he's glad he's not single because he's going to be left out of all of that. Ralph said the best part was that she was thrown off the app because they didn't believe it was really her. He said maybe Benjy can get her. Ralph said that Benjy is good at meeting people in person. He said Howard was right about that. He said the app thing doesn't work for him. Howard said he has a life so he has to end the show. He said he got a note saying that Benjy is on Bumble. Howard said he has tried every one.
Howard asked Benjy if he would bang Sharon Stone. Benjy said she is attractive. He said sure he would. Howard said good for you. Benjy said she's buddies with his sister. Howard said he should hit her up on there. Benjy said he has seen a lot of celebrities on Bumble. He said he's seen Chelsea Handler, Sarah Silverman and some of the Housewives. Howard asked if he wants to fuck any of them. Benjy said he tries to hook up with them. He said he even paid for the extra thing that puts you at the top of the line.
Howard said he feels like Benjy gets humiliated on every app he's on. Benjy said he has fun with all of them. He said on Bumble you have to match. He said he has paid the extra charge to get at the top of the line. He said that it's a controlled app because the women have to like you first. Howard asked if he has tried to match with a celebrity on there. Benjy said he has tried every one of them. Howard asked if any of them have responded. Benjy said he thinks he matched with one but she never got back to him. Howard asked how you don't remember. Benjy said he really doesn't. He said there was a famous author he matched with and he had met her before. He said they talked but they lost touch.
Howard said the guys said that Benjy swipes right on every girl. Benjy said sometimes he swipes left. He said it's easier if you just do it.
Howard said he has one last note about Benjy. He said Robin will like this one. He said Benjy thinks that he could date Halle Berry but he'd have to meet her in an interesting way like in an elevator. Benjy said he was asked like this was a game. He said he said if he got stuck in an elevator for a couple of weeks that he could date her. Robin said that's hysterical.
Howard said they should end the show. He said he doesn't think that he could get Halle Berry. He asked if he's seen the guys she dates. Benjy said they're not in the elevator. Howard said it's been a long day. He said it's time to end the fun.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was in the pool at his parent's house. Sour did his Jackie impression and told some jokes about foot fetishes. Howard said Jackie is still at the top of his game. Sour Jackie told a joke about Tom Arnold and his small penis. Howard said he sees he's doing well. Sour switched over to his Gary impression and talked about some TV shows and Scotch. Sour broke into a song with Gary singing. Then he went into his Artie impression. Sour went back and forth from Artie to Gary and Jackie. Howard let Sour go a short time later.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who asked why he hurries him off and not everyone else. Howard said he bases it on being interesting or not. He said he always has a question about why he doesn't get more air time and it'd dull. Jeff said it's not. Jeff told him to have a good weekend. Howard said he's going to tell him the truth. He said he's so talented and fun that he makes him look bad on the air. He said there's the truth. Jeff said at least we know. Howard said now he has the truth. He said he finally admitted it.
Howard said Jeff is signing his autographs at private events. Jeff said that guy just came to his house to get something signed. Howard let him go after that. Howard ended the show around 10:45am.