Howard said that this is their last week before their usual summer break. He said they'll see you in September. Robin said ''What?'' Howard said he must tell you with peace and love that people do not like when they take time off. He said in order to keep the quality of the show they have some excellent programming this summer. He said they have 10 billion hours of archives and they think they have some good programming. He said they will regenerate and recharge. He said they have good shows for you in September. He said that's the scheduling note. He said when he renewed with Sirius that's the schedule they have.
Howard said when they come back they will have some concerts and big guests. He said you'll have to tune in.
Howard said he will jerk off and drive Beth crazy this summer. He said that's what he'll be doing during the break.
Howard said he has some of the things you'll be hearing over the summer. He said they have Booey 100 coming up. He said they have Howard 101 playing close to 200 interviews. He said Howard 101 is the party channel. He said Jon, Gary and Rahsaan will be hosting some shows. He said on July 9th they have some concerts coming up. He said they have a bunch of things happening. He said on July 16th Danny Trejo will be taking over. Brandi Carlile will be doing a special concert for them. He said they have some new shows coming up with Ronnie and others. He said they have Ice T hosting a show of his favorite moments. He said Dana Carvey will take over and do some shows. He said they have some big specials with Medicated Pete and people like that.
Howard said Metallica will be featured in September. He said on Labor Day weekend they have their phony phone-a-thon coming up as well.
Robin said the woman on that show believed and listened to just about everything. Howard said what drove them over the edge was when he said he had rubbed a tooth brush on his balls and ass. He said no one is listening to that show but they have to hang up when something interesting comes up. Robin said they see the phone light up and they see that someone is out there. Howard said that's most of podcasting. He said people saw that Joe Rogan got money and they all think they can do the same thing. He said people are just talking to one another. He said there are more podcasters than people vaccinated. Robin said get out of here. Howard said radio has become completely ruined. He said back when he got on radio it meant something. He said now everyone has a podcast. He said they all believe they're doing radio because they have a microphone and they're talking into it.
Robin said every Bachelor or Bachelorette has a podcast and they all talk to each other on their shows.
Howard said you can get information about anything you want on the internet. He said he got a lot of information about Mod Podging. He said that's where you glue things together. He said he's fascinated by this product. He said you can transfer pictures with it. He said he became obsessed with it. He said there are like 5 million videos of women doing this and talking about it on YouTube. He said these women have big hands and wherever they're broadcasting from there must not be any manicurists. He said they have dirty nails and it's out of control. He said he'd clip down if he was going to have his hands on camera.
Howard said most of these women are sedentary and they're chubby. He said this is what he's into.
Howard said he was trying to find out more about this but he can't find out what he wanted to find out. Robin asked what that is. Howard said you don't want to know. He said he spent hours on this stuff. He said he still doesn't know that much about it. He said before he started painting he tried to take the easy way out and do collage and stuff like that. He said that's what people with no art talent do.
Howard said there are women who rip up paper out of magazines and it looks like garbage. He said they glue it into journals. He said they can't draw so they do that. He said he was trying to figure out how to do that when he found out about mod podge. He said he's very much into journaling. Howard said he's going to be doing a lot of that this summer.
Howard asked Jason how to put that up for his audience to see. Jason said email it to him and he'll get it up. He said he can get it to their social media team to get it up. Howard asked why the have a team for that. He said he can't put it up immediately? Jason said he can't. Howard said he can put it up on Twitter. Jason said they can do it and then they can retweet it immediately. Howard said he never tweets anything but he would tweet this. He said he has to edit it though. Robin said he should put it up. Howard sent it out and said he gets nervous doing that. He said he's always afraid that he's going to send out a picture of his dick even though he doesn't have any.
Howard said he sent this picture to Rob Zombie and he gave him the courage to send it out. He said someone wanted to buy it from him. Robin said she gets that. Howard said the reason he never shows his work is because people are so sweet that they fill his head with kindness. He said his fans are the worst. He said that's why he never reads their comments. He said he was on Daily Mail looking at a picture of a super model and she was topless in a yellow thong with high heels. He said he looked at the picture and was like ''Whoa!'' and she can't be more perfect looking. He said the comments under this picture were horrible. He said people were saying she has no ass and talking about how gross she is. He said it was one horrible thing after another. He said these people are full of shit. He said they're crazy. Robin said they hope she reads it and they want to affect her in a negative way.
Howard said they should make it mandatory to see what those people look like. Robin said she was in a car one day and this beautiful woman was walking down the street and she passes a construction site. She said the guys all stopped and looked at her. She smiled at one of them and then they made nasty comments to her about sucking their dicks and stuff. She said she was being nice and then they started that. Howard said people are angry about everything.
Howard said his wife was out walking to work one day and this guy wanted to take her picture. He said she kept walking and the guy came over and knocked her on the ground and people kept walking around her. He said people are such fucking vomits.
Howard said he was telling the group about what they were going to do today and he told the guys that if he were single he'd just stay home and do his thing at home. He said he'd never leave the house again. He said he's not comfortable and he doesn't want to be around people. He said he'd go outside but not socialize. He said he'd just stay inside and walk for a half hour every day. He said he has no desire to see anyone or anything.
Howard said he knows he has to go out with his wife. He said they have only gone out to one dinner so far. He said that was at a couple's house and then they saw his daughter and her boyfriend. Howard said that's all they've really done.
Howard said he wants to continue wearing a mask and not get COVID. He said he doesn't want the flu and he doesn't want to breathe in what you're breathing out.
Howard said he wrote a song about his wife and what they call bang o'clock. He said that's what he'll be working on today.
Howard said Jason has some feedback about his painting. He said if it's negative he doesn't want to hear it. He said that he looks really thin after losing all of this weight. Jason said he's lost 65 pounds and he still sees a fat guy in the mirror. He said being able to buy regular clothes feels great. He said he's at the very top end of the special section but at least he's in the regular store. He said he has a ton more energy now. Howard said that's like walking around with a 65 pound weight on your back. He said he must feel like he's lost that huge brick off his back. Jason said he's noticed it in bed. He said he was rolling around wondering where the sink in the bed was.
Howard said he looks awesome. Jason said the overwhelming majority of feedback about his painting is positive. He read some comments about it. Howard said that's good to hear. He said people can ruin anything. He said Jason looks like a super model.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said what a morning. She said congratulations to Jason and said his painting is amazing. She said that what's more important is that she is happy that he's finally taking the summer off. She said he deserves a hiatus. Howard thanked her for the call. Mariann asked a painting story and said she saw a painting that was $110,000 and it was a copy. She asked if something like that can be a copy and charge that much. Howard said he's not putting down any painting. He said he's not looking at it. He said he doesn't know but that's a lot of money.
Howard said he was turned on to a woman who does paintings of people looking at paintings and she had just died. He said her work was incredible. He said it drives him crazy that someone like that is gone. He said all of that talent, where does it go. Robin said it's still here with her paintings. Robin said people will learn and grow from that.
Howard said it's brilliant stuff. He said her name is Karen Jurick. He said it was brilliant work. He said he reads that she's dead and it drives him nuts that they're gone. Robin said all of the great painters are dead. Howard said the problem with painting is that you read about people who pay $18,000 for an invisible skull.
Mariann said that woman's work is really good. Howard said she was alive a month ago and now she's gone. Howard let Mariann go after that. He said everything seems so crazy in our world. Robin said we don't know what we're doing here or what happens when we go. She said it's all a weird, crazy accident.
Howard said imagine being in that condo in Miami. He said that they're just sleeping there by the beach and then the building collapses. He said the whole building is gone. He said they keep saying in the news there are 9 people confirmed dead and 125 missing. Howard said he's thinking there are 125 dead. Robin said no one knows where they are. She said they're digging through trying to find them. Robin said they say that because they don't know if they're in there or not.
Howard said he was watching Morning Joe and Mika. He said he likes to watch them. He said she's sexy. He said he's fascinated by those two. Robin said they act like they're not married. She said they should be talking to each other like they do at home. Howard said he's not sure what their whole story is but he would like to have them on to talk about their life. He said they had a morning show at MSNBC. He said he's not sure what the story is. He said Joe is turned on and she's worked up over him. He said he's a good broadcaster. He said he's very entertaining. He said they must meet somewhere and fuck and then they're a couple. Robin said he has a band in the off hours so she must have gone to see him play. Howard said he imagines that she was married and had to tell that guy she was going to see this band and all of that.
Howard said he wants that whole story. He said he has to find out what's going on there. He said all he wonders about is how they started fucking. He said it drives him crazy.
Howard said Mika must be very sexual. He said she must be a firecracker. He said they got married in 2018.
Howard read some details about how Joe and Mika met and got together. He said that must be some story. He said that if they came out with the real story it would be great. He said he'd love to know how she told her husband of 23 years that she was breaking it off. He said she left him for a guy with a TV show. He said maybe the guy was happy about it. He said he likes the show and likes watching them. He said his mind runs wild thinking about them.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said he thinks that his painting looks like a real picture. He said it's so fucking realistic. Howard said he went for a walk and saw the scene maybe a million times. He said he'd look at it and talk about how beautiful this scene was. He said for a year he'd walk by and think it was a painting. He said it's a spot that's ignored by people. He said he took the ordinary and made it extraordinary. Mike said it's a great picture. Howard said he went out and took some photographs of this place. He said it was in this spot and he had it laying around for months. He said he kept sketching it. He said that he has to love what he's painting. He said he can get bored. He said that he has to love it. He said he got very wrapped up in this scene. He said he thought he could paint it in sepia. He said that he wanted it to look old from the 1800's or something. He said this scene was just so beautiful. He said his wife thought it was too and he told her that's what they pass all the time. Robin said that you would walk by that and never see what he put in the painting. Howard said he did make it a little more eerie than it actually was.
Mike said he could have a painting career after this. Howard said he wishes he had started earlier in his life. He said he has some regrets about his life. He said his life was so stifled. He said he had such a lack of encouragement. He said he was unaware of who he was and had a weird situation growing up. He said he didn't really blossom. He said he could have been great.
Robin said if he had a family that was into art and things maybe he would have gotten into it earlier. She said that it was all about not appreciating anything. Howard said his parents offered him lessons in things but he was so lethargic and demoralized that he wasn't able to take in the world. He said he had built up a shell around himself. He said he has a lot of regrets. He said he loves to paint. He said he really enjoys it but he wishes he had started earlier.
Mike said his dad would get so fired up about how cool it would be to see him as a kid on a TV show or something. He said he never brought him anywhere to do stuff that he saw on TV. Howard said some kids do it on their own. He said Eddie Van Halen was like that. He said his father was a masterful musician. He said he took his two boys and exposed them to music. He said they threw themselves into it and became obsessed with it.
Howard said you have to be focused and obsessed with doing something over and over again to get that good. He said Eddie was like that and that's how he got to where he got to.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his art is fantastic. He asked what this Mod Podge thing is. Howard said he's very taken with it. He said it's a glue that seals things in and it can transform pictures onto wood. He said he's fascinated with it. He said he gets into things and he's not even sure why. He said that he sees something and gets into it.
Howard said she has to pay her father's salary and legal fees. He said his name is Jamie and he gets paid for office space and all of this. He said that Britney has an allowance of just $2,000 a month. He said that she had a residency in Las Vegas and that's what she was getting paid by her father. He said Ozzy bit the head off a bat and never did they take away his right to make his own decisions about his own money. He asked what's going on here. Robin said they started this when she was in her 20s. She said you'd think they'd give her a way to get out of this but it's still going on.
Howard said she has to pay all of the legal bills for her father. Howard said her father is Jamie Spears and her mother's name is Lynn and her sister is Jamie Lynn and her husband is named Jamie. He said that's wild. He said meanwhile that's who is running your finances.
Howard said he read that Britney Spears is worth $60 million. He said that sounds low to him. He said Britney must have been making money hand over fist in Las Vegas.
Howard said they had over 100 Britney supporters outside the courthouse. He said that he wishes he had the time to do that. Howard said there are people protesting these shows that are opening up on Broadway over the vaccination requirements. He asked who has the time to do that. He said he's not sure why people have so much free time. He said they say there's a shortage of workers in this country. He said get a job.
Howard said 100 Britney supporters were outside the courthouse and Britney came out to talk to them about this conservatorship. Howard had some audio of that. Britney said she can work and provide so there's no reason for this conservatorship. Howard said she's right. Robin said when she goes and does a show that's a big production. She said she has to make that all work and she's able to do that. She asked why someone is running her life.
Howard said Charlie Sheen is there to talk about this. Howard had fake Charlie on and he said he was begging for a conservator. He said maybe he wouldn't have been so reckless if he had one. Howard said that Charlie thinks that Britney should keep her dad in that position. Charlie said he does. He said they should have kept him away from his children. He said men can do whatever they want with their kids but women can't. Howard thanked him for showing up. Howard said he was too reasonable actually.
Howard had more audio of Britney talking about what she's forced to do and not do. She was talking about how she's forced to stay at home and not allowed to get some self care things done.
Howard said the dad gets $16,000 a month but he lives in an RV. He said it shows he's frugal. He said it's just crazy. He said that Britney claims that she's been mediated against her will and she's had a forced sterilization. He said this story is crazy.
Howard said he doesn't see this as any worse than what guys were doing. He said there's no reason to keep her from doing what she wants to do. Robin said your dad should not be making decisions on your love life or reproductive decisions.
Howard read a list of things that Robin has done over the years and asked if she should be allowed to do things on her own. Robin said if she can do that then Britney should be able to as well. Howard said they still let Robin do her own thing.
Jeff said he thinks he'd be an excellent player for Family Feud. Howard said he said he's not going on that show. He said it would be funny but he's not going to be embarrassed or humiliated by not coming up with answers quick enough. He said he's not into that. He said he's not going to put himself out there like that.
Robin said she watched it over the weekend and it's really tough to watch when you see someone not being able to answer. Howard said he couldn't do that. He said it's like Gary throwing a pitch at Shea Stadium. He said he told Gary he was going to get goofed on about it if he screwed up. He said it was funny but Gary didn't have to do it.
Howard asked what the upside of doing Family Feud would be. Robin said if he had a charity to give money to then he would do it. Howard said he already does that with his own money. He said he's fine with what he's doing. He said he's not going to go on that show and have them give money to charity. He said how about give him the money and he'll do what he wants with the money. He said he's the one who is going to humiliate himself on the show.
Howard said he loves that they ask people to come on the show who are broke. He said then they give the money to charity.
Jeff said he doesn't want to end up on the street. Howard said he's not because this is America where they give you money not to work. Howard said the government is doing that for Jeff. Jeff said he's not getting any money anymore. He said it stopped in December last year. Howard asked if that's because of the money he's making on Cameo. Jeff said he reported his income like he should and they cut him off. Howard said most of his life he did get SSI. He said now because of the show he can make a living by recording announcements. Jeff said he thanks him for that. Howard said he's happy about that. He said Jeff has been having private autograph signings at his house. Jeff said it was just a one time deal. He said it went pretty good. He said a guy came over and got an autograph with his son. He said he signed like 30 8x10s and 30 posters. Howard asked what he got paid for that. Jeff said $300. Howard said that's pretty good. Robin said if he could double that attendance he could double that to $600.
Howard said Jeff is also going to Toy-Con in Las Vegas in July. Jeff said that's the last weekend of summer. He said it got moved.
Howard said Jeff is going to require proof of a vaccine to have pictures taken with him. He said that might end up causing some protests.
Howard said Fred has a new Jeff the Drunk puppet. Fred did his impression of Jeff and had the puppet doing his thing. Howard said he's not sure how he feels about Jeff being off the government dole. He said that's good but he's doing Cameo. Robin said he's so outrageous talking about how he doesn't get money from the government. Howard said he lives for free on the government dime. Jeff Puppet was freaking out about that.
Howard said it's an amazing thing in this country where you can live off the government. He said that Ass Napkin Ed had to suspend his Cameo account so he didn't make too much money and get taken off of SSI.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Patty could have been the lead singer of Van Halen but she turned it down. Robin said she must have had other ideas. Howard said yeah. He said she said she regretted it but she was 8 months pregnant at the time. He said she played Don Henley a demo of this song and they ended up doing it. Howard said it's a beautiful song.
Howard said it's currently 91 and foggy in Las Vegas at 5:30 in the morning. He said it's going to be 106 this afternoon.
Howard said he was just in his bathroom taking a break and they have a box of tissues in there. He said it's what you blow your nose in. He said he has tissues that have no dye in them. He said he doesn't want ink in them. He said he feels you shouldn't have your nose exposed to chemicals. Robin said she has white tissues too. Howard said he sees that they have a blue mark when you get near the end of the tissues and he didn't ask for that. He said he uses them to blow his nose and to stuff in his underpants so he doesn't have drippage. He said that's what he uses them for. He said when he sees the blue streak in them he uses them to wipe things up. He said the other thing is that the boxes are so tight that the tissues all rip when you pull them out.
Howard said he thinks they had better watch themselves. He said it drives him crazy. He said he first 10 tissues end up ripping. He said you finally get a good roll going and then the blue comes up. Robin said she has to start looking for that. Howard said it must be his brand. He said that he uses them to wrap his penis like a mummy. Robin said he didn't mention he uses them to catch his load. Howard said she didn't have to mention that. He said it's barely a load at this point.
Howard said there are kid going out to get the vaccine against their parent's wishes. Howard read more about this Cole Beasley and what he said about the vaccine.
Howard said the guy said that he would rather die from COVID while living than get the vaccine. He said everyone who gets COVID says they regret not wanting to wear masks or whatever at the start of the pandemic.
Howard said he's not sure why people are so proud of their stupidity. He said they have to put it out on Twitter. He said people see that and think that they're right.
Howard said that 54 percent of the country has gotten one dose of the vaccine and 48 percent have gotten fully vaccinated. Howard asked why people don't get the full vaccine. Robin said that they may forget or something. She said they say they have to put the vaccine wherever people are. She said they have to put it everywhere. Howard said these anti-vaxxers are like children. He said they're like kids who don't want to brush their teeth. He said they say that it's a free country but it's really not. He said you smell like a farm animal. He said that's why you brush your teeth.
Howard said a lot of football players won't be a team player even though they're team players on a football team. He said that this variant is going to lead to more deaths.
Howard said that they had over 900 secret service guys get COVID during 2020 while working for Trump. He said 700 deaths are linked to Trump rallies. Robin said that they all knew it was dangerous to go there. She said people were ignoring the science.
Howard said that even Trump got vaccinated. He said he endorsed the vaccine back in April. Robins said he had a rally this weekend and said nothing about getting vaccinated. Howard said he also refused to wear a mask. He said imagine being a secret service agent and not wearing a mask and then dying during the line of duty from that. He said to do something dumb like that is so dumb. He said he's just so dumb. Robin said the vaccine is the only protection. Howard said it would be nice if Trump did something decent finally and told people to get vaccinated. He said there's no sign of the old Donald that he knew.
Howard said there's a guy on the phone who says he won't get the vaccine. He wasn't going to take the call but he let the guy say what he wanted to say. The caller, Mark, said he had COVID back in February and he had pneumonia and he got Rendisivir. He said that he was told not to get the vaccine by his doctor. He said that they tell you go by the science but Fauci has fucked up so many times. Howard said Fauci hasn't fucked up. He said he warned the president about this and they had to figure things out while it was in play. The caller said they don't know anything and the vaccine isn't ready and it's not approved by the FDA. He said when you see all of the problems that are going on with the vaccines you don't want to get it. Howard asked how many people have died from the vaccine. The caller said hundreds. Howard said out of how many millions. Mark said they took the Johnson and Johnson off the market. Howard said most of the people are fine. He said if you don't get the vaccine you don't give a fuck about anyone else. Mark said the flu disappeared. Howard said COVID is much more dangerous. Mark said they made up numbers. Howard hung up on him. Robin said he mixed up a bunch of things there. She said they're not facts.
Howard said that this conservative radio show host was saying that the vaccine spontaneous abortion and Cerebral Palsy and things like that. Howard played some audio of these two morons discussing that. They were saying that this is Satan.
Howard said that lady needs a conservatorship. He said she's hot though. He said he was looking at her and wondering if he could fuck her and put up with that. He said he's not sure if he'd trust himself with these women.
Howard said you wonder where they get this information from. He said they claimed that miscarriages were up after vaccines. He said the conspiracy came from a paper over in England and it was total bullshit. Howard said they blame it on Satan and the liberal left and all of that. He said this vaccine cures COVID and they think it's bad. He said what a country.
Robin said she was watching Bill Maher this weekend and a guy was making a good point about vaccines and how we've gotten things under control with them. She said that it was a defense against all of the plagues and we've forgotten about that. She said this generation has no invisible enemy because they've all been taken care of.
Howard said his father told him his origin story and how his grandparents had 4 children and 3 of them died of common colds. He said that his father got scarlet fever as a child. He said his mother took care of him and he survived somehow. He said that the Measles were discovered in the 50s and it took 10 years to get a vaccine out for that but now it's been just about eradicated.
Howard said we've become so comfortable with it that we don't think about it. Robin said we think that vaccines are a choice now. Howard said you used to have a bunch of kids because you didn't know how many were going to survive.
Howard said you take diphtheria which is still out there but vaccines keep it away from most people.
Howard said this is a Tennessee pastor who talks about the vaccine. Howard played a clip of the guy talking about how he'll give anyone a religious exemption note so they can sue their employer if they won't let them go to work.
Howard said that guy is a fucking moron. He asked if you can believe what's going on out there. He wondered where this came from.
Howard said this right wing pastor was saying he wouldn't take the vaccine because it's a global genocide plot. Howard played a clip of him talking about how he's not going to be a part of that. He said there's a mass death campaign under way right now. He said he's going to survive the global genocide. He said the good thing is that a lot of stupid people are going to be killed off. Howard said he's definitely right about that.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on out there. He said these kooks have no credentials and know nothing. Robin said he said he's reading something. She said she'd like to know what that is.
Howard said this guy got COVID a month later and blamed it on Chinese agents. He said listen to how bad he sounds now. His voice had changed quite a bit. Howard played a clip and this guy claimed that the CCP had struck at him. He said it's the communists trying it kill off Americans. He said they're killing us off with COVID and the vaccine.
Howard said at least that guy got COVID. Robin said he's sticking to his beliefs. She said that he thinks they delivered it to him personally.
Howard said there's this woman who is an osteopathic physician and she claims that people are being magnetized by the vaccine. Howard said he would love to turn into Magneto. Howard played a clip of this kook talking about people becoming magnetized. She was going on and on about that and talking about how the 5G towers have something to do with it. Howard said people think they're in an X-Men comic.
Howard said then this woman tells Mike Lindel the My Pillow guy about it and he went off spouting vaccine theories and they had to mute him on a TV show he was doing an interview on. Howard played a clip of Lindell going on and on about the vaccine and his nutty conspiracy theories. Then the show cut his audio off but then told him they love him.
Robin said this guy was a crack addict and he's worried about what he puts in his body now. Howard said he mentions it was something they did in Israel. He said he's not sure what that's about. He said that Israel is vaccinated and they don't have COVID.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he got COVID on March 11, 2020. He said he got it working in a lab on Long Island. He said he went through 5 weeks of ailments and his back was hurting because of his lungs. He said that he was told not to go to the hospital. He said he got his vaccination in December 2020. He said he still has some long haul stuff from COVID. He said he could give a rats ass about these anti-vaxxers. Howard said he agrees but we have to do something to stop the spread of COVID and the variants. He said we'd be fine if they all dropped dead tomorrow but that won't happen.
The caller said that he went to an Islanders game and they had a non-vaccinated section and they were there with him and they're the ones who should be scared. Howard said no one was wearing a mask there either. Robin said they treat it like smokers on a plane. She said you're all in the same building.
Howard said the good news is that the NY Times had a story about how the vaccines could protect you for years. Robin said people are blaming Fauci for screwing up but that guy was dealing with something new and no one knew what was going to happen.
Howard asked how Donald is doing. He said he just had a great rally in Ohio. He said that Biden isn't doing very well and hasn't fucked one porn star yet. He said he wants to know what he has other than a bunch of nobodies who have a bunch of experience. Howard said Donald made horrible news every day when he was in office. Howard said he's so tired of the politics with him. He said he misses the fun trump who would come on and rate women. He asked if he thinks they can go back to those days. Fake Donald said that he would love that. He said he loved the old days when they were able to talk about anything and tell women they were way uglier than they are.
Howard asked how things are at Mar-A-Lago. Donald said that things are great there. He said that he's so glad to be out of the White House. He said that it's filled with pictures of old guys and their ugly wives. He said Mary Todd Lincoln was a very ugly woman. Howard said Lincoln had a look. Donald said he's the most attractive President in the history of presidents.
Howard asked Donald about some news stories that have been going on. He wanted to get his take on some of the stories. He asked Donald about Meghan and Prince Harry having another baby and about Ben Affleck and J-Lo getting back together. Donald had some rude things to say about all of that.
Howard asked Donald to rate some women. He mentioned Angelina Jolie. Donald said she's so boney that the dog buried her by accident. Howard asked about Princess Kate Middleton. Donald said she's as flat as a board. He gave her a 3. Howard mentioned Sofia Vergara, Mila Kunis, Natalie Portman and others. Donald rated them all very low. Howard asked about Charlize Theron. Donald said she's an 8. He said Katy Perry is another one that has crazy eyes so you know she's wild in bed. He said he gives her a 10. He gave Gal Gadot an 11. He said that Kim Kardashian would get a -2.
Howard had fake George Takei on the line to talk to Fake Donald about what he had just talked about. Fake George and Fake Donald went back and forth bashing each other for a few minutes.
Howard said that he was trying to have a fun conversation with the President. Trump said he wants to offer reparations to George when he gets back in office. He said it'll be free food at Panda Express for life. Fake George went off on him talking about what he loves about him but it was all of the negative stuff that he loved about him.
Howard said he doesn't like to hear George getting attacked. He asked if George can say something nice about the President. George said get ready for your orange jump suit because the law is coming after him. Donald said he's going to write a musical about his husband called Oklahomos. George started to sing a song from Allegiance for Donald.
Howard said he's sorry that it's gotten down to name calling. He tried to wrap things up but the two fakes were still going back and forth with their insults. Howard let the two of them go a short time later.
Howard reviewed that they had learned from Donald during that segment. He said he did seem to endorse Caitlyn Jenner. He said he didn't follow all of what he said. He went to break after doing a live commercial read.
Howard came back and talked about Weezer and the album that the song ''Buddy Holly'' was on. He asked if Robin knows who produced that album. Robin had no idea so Howard asked Gary if he knows. He said he thinks that Robin will get it when she hears the name of the producer. Howard said the producer would leave notes in the studio about who they wanted Buddy Holly. Gary said he thinks that they wanted him in the video but he didn't want to do it. He said it was Ric Ocasek. Robin said she hears it now. Howard said the bass player thought it sounded like The Cars ''Just what I Needed.'' Howard had Fred play some of that.
Howard said it has that vibe. Robin said she hears it. Howard sang along with that and said he's getting ready to perform his Bang O'clock song. Robin asked who he'll be rehearsing that with. Howard said with his team. Robin asked who is on that team. Howard said they're bringing in the corpse of Ric Ocasek.
Howard said The Cars were a great band. He said he remembers playing them up at WCCC. He said he thinks that's when the album came out. He said he was blown out by that. He said it was a new sound. He said it was The Cars and The Police. Fred played some ''Let The Good Times Roll.'' Howard said it doesn't sound like the original version. Fred said that's the one he has from the internet. He said that's the one as far as he knows. Howard said he's not sure why he got started with him.
Howard asked Fred if they came out when they were at WCCC. Fred said that is correct. He said the album came out in 1978 when Howard was at WCCC. Howard said it sounds like they're only hearing one speaker with that song. He said that's why he was thrown off.
Howard said he has a song parody that Ronnie did. He played that and Ronnie sang about shaving his poop chute and getting fucked in his ass. Howard said that's very nice.
Howard said they looked at Ronnie's career and got into that with him last week. He said people wrote in about Ronnie and his move to Las Vegas. Howard said the team unearthed more audio of Ronnie telling strippers what to do. He played some audio of Ronnie instructing a stripper what to wear and what to do. He was telling her what to do and yelling at her to answer him when he talks to her.
Howard said Ronnie is convinced that the way he talks to women is what they want to hear. He said it's like they start listening to him when he does that. Robin said you've heard guys like that before on every porn tape and you don't want to sound like them. Robin asked why Ronnie wants to sound like that. Howard said he's why porn needs to be outlawed. He said that he had this personality and then he became empowered and that's why he talks like that.
Howard said women are turned off by this and some men too. He said they had Carrie on the show and she had enough of Ronnie and his personality. He said that she really gave it to Ronnie. He played some audio of Carrie talking to Ronnie about his ass shaving stuff. Howard said the fans want more of Carrie. He read some feedback about her.
Howard said the only Ronnie update he has is that Ronnie is upset that he's upset about him moving to Vegas. He said he likes the guy and doesn't want him to move. He said he hopes he moves back. He said that he heard he wants to see him before he leaves but that won't happen. He said he's going to call him but he's not getting together. He said if he sees him it'll remind him that he's leaving. He said that he doesn't want that.
Howard said it looks like a farewell dinner happened with Gary, Jon Hein and some other staffers who had a party with Ronnie. He said that they're all sitting on a couch super close to each other. He said he's not sure where it happened but they all had their arms around each other. Robin asked if Howard is making contact with anyone. Howard said no. He said he did hug his daughter. Robin asked if he hugged the people they had dinner with. Howard said he didn't but Beth did. He said he elbow bumped the guy and he waved to his wife. He said he told them he's afraid of them.
Howard asked Ronnie where the dinner was. Ronnie said it was at his friend Mike's restaurant. He said Mike is the guy who died. Howard said he thinks this is mellow Ronnie. Ronnie got more animated for him.
Howard asked when he's moving. Ronnie said he still doesn't have a date. He said that they had a very nice time at dinner. He said he hadn't seen people other than on Zoom. He said they had a nice dinner. He said Jon got him a thermometer to hang outside his house. Howard said that's funny.
Howard said he counted 9 people in one booth. Ronnie said they had a booth and a table. He said they were connected. He said they were spread out more than it was in the picture. He said they were all together at diner. Howard said he will call him but he won't get together with him. Ronnie said he knew that Howard wouldn't get together. He said he knew that. Howard said lose that fantasy. Ronnie said he knows it won't happen.
Robin asked what his fantasy was about getting together with Howard. Ronnie said he would have drove to his house. Howard said he would have ''driven'' to his house. Ronnie said he would have done that. Howard said he would feel guilty if he did that. He said he doesn't want him to have to do that. Ronnie said it's okay. He said he will talk on the phone if he wants. Howard said he's going to go to Vegas and get heat stroke and die. Ronnie said he's not going to die of heat stroke.
Howard asked what he wants to talk about. Ronnie said he doesn't want to put him out. Howard said he would like to see him. Ronnie said he gets it. Howard asked if he would mind if he put him on a 5 minute timer when he visits. Ronnie said not at all. Howard asked if he'll start crying. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said there might be. Howard said he doesn't want that. He said he's not hugging him. He said he would if there wasn't COVID.
Howard said Ronnie can go see Robin if he wants. He said he actually can't because he has her locked up in quarantine. He said that they can't put her in any situations like tat. Howard said he told Beth about this meeting thing and she wondered how that was going to work. Ronnie said he has to come back in august to do something so he can meet up then. Howard said maybe he'll do that then. He said he won't sit there all day with him. Ronnie said that's fine. Howard said he'd sit there with him for a few minutes. He said imagine this conversation in person.
Howard said at least in august they can talk about the heat in Las Vegas. Ronnie said he'll be less uptight about things when they're out of there. He said he has a lot of things going on at once. He said he has to get a car transporter to take his cars out there. He said he was supposed to do a road rally but he had to cancel that. He said they haven't closed on the house yet either. He said they have a lot of paperwork and things going on. He said everything is so backed up.
Howard said he sees what's going on. Ronnie said Stephanie's last day of work is Thursday. He said she has a job out in Vegas. He said she was on a phone interview on Friday and she can start when she wants.
Howard said they've been arguing about packing. He said Ronnie is out of his mind because Stephanie has books and things with her old boyfriends in them. He said he wants her to throw them out. Ronnie said that's changed now. He said she had a lot of books from school and stuff. He said that he told her to get rid of some of this shit. He said she had photo albums with pictures of old boyfriends and family in them. He said he got upset about that. He said she said they were from high school and her prom and shit. He said he got annoyed about it but then he let it go. He said he talked to his shrink about it and he asked him what he's worried about. He said she's just keeping some memories. Howard asked if she's thinking about them and fucking Ronnie. Ronnie said he doesn't think so. He said the stuff she has is covered in dust.
Howard asked if he has any pictures of old girlfriends. Ronnie said before he got married he was engaged to another girl. He said he had an 8x10 of this girl that was in his parent's house. He said he found the picture while going through their shit. He said he showed it to Stephanie and then he ripped it up and threw it in the garbage. He said that she asked why he didn't want to save that. He said she has cards like Valentine's day and birthday cards that she's gotten in her life. Howard said she sounds like a hoarder. Ronnie said that's what he called her. Ronnie said his mother was fucked up like that too. Howard said Ronnie had to clean out her apartment and it was crazy. Robin said she remembers she had a lot of old stuff. Ronnie said she had tax papers from 1950. He said he found $10,000 in a drawer. He said she had bags and purses and shit. He said he was finding money all over. He said he had to go through everything. He said she had money all over.
Howard had some audio of Ronnie talking to one of the staffers about what Stephanie has in her albums. Ronnie said he thinks it's all stupid. Ronnie was talking about how she keeps up on one of these guys and he's an old hillbilly boyfriend. He said she says she doesn't keep in touch but he doesn't know for sure.
Howard said thank god he got a shrink. He said if he was moving and Beth had a cache of old cards and pictures he might be upset. Ronnie said he has no idea what the cards are. He said a lot of them are from him but there are a ton of others.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie talking about how he'd end up throwing Stephanie out of the house if he threw out her cards and pictures. He said she's very independent.
Howard said good for Ronnie having the shrink. He said that he's working on things. Robin asked if he's still working with the hypnotist too. Ronnie said he is. He said that helps calm him down too.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said Ronnie has to put a stop to all of this. He said he has to get her to get rid of those pictures. He said don't put up with that shit. Ronnie wasn't answering. He eventually said he heard him. King said that's insulting to have that going on. He said be a man.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he moved to Las Vegas a few years ago. He said that it was 117 degrees the one day and the glue on his shoes melted when he stepped out on the pavement. Ronnie said he's full of shit. He said he has cheap shoes probably. The caller said that 117 degrees is still very hot. He said he lives in Buffalo, New York now. Ronnie said he's leaving for Vegas and it's about time. He said he has lived in New York long enough.
Howard had fake Trump back on to talk to Ronnie about what a great idea it is to move to Vegas. He said they have the classiest hookers in the world there. He said that you keep the thermostat at under 69 degrees there. He said he does that to keep Ivanka's nipples hard.
Howard said the forecast is 99 degrees there in Vegas today. Ronnie said that's not too bad.
Howard said the 10 day forecast is all over 100 for the next week. He said that sounds good. Ronnie said it's fine. Howard asked if he doesn't like it there will he admit it to him. Ronnie said he will but he won't move back. He said he's not going to be miserable out there. Howard asked if he hates it will he stay there. Ronnie said he's never moving again. He said he hates that. Howard said that's like a pregnant woman saying she's never going to get pregnant again but she ends up doing it.
Howard said he feels guilty about not seeing Ronnie now. Ronnie told him not to worry about it. He said he just said what ie said during that interview. He said it's okay if he doesn't want to see him. He said if he wants to see him in august he'll come see him. He said now he's getting upset. Howard said he should be because he's leaving him. Ronnie said it's not easy leaving people behind. Howard said it's crazy moving away. Ronnie said he told them he was going to move and they didn't believe him. Howard said you can shave your ass in New York or in Vegas. Robin said you have to shave it out in Vegas.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Howard said Rob and his wife Sherri are great. He said Beth is doing animal rescue and Rob and Sherri are adopting a 17 year old cat that a family had given up. He said his new name is Mr. Zombie. He said he loves that they're doing that. He said they're really good people. He said Beth agreed. He said Rob and his wife have spent a lot of time at his house. He said he wishes Mr. Zombie a long life. He said he's in pretty good shape for 17. He said he has had some hard knocks in his life but he's got two great people taking care of him now. He said they're beautiful people.
Howard said he recorded that song with Rob and he wasn't very good. He said that's why he whispers in it. He said he's trying to get his music career going again. He said he'd love to have a hit song even if it was a goofy novelty song. He said Rick Dees had that with Disco Duck. He said it was a hit. He said he started to record a song called Bang O'clock. He said that's about what he and Beth call sex. He said he thought that he would do a song where you can't understand the lyrics. He said the song ''Louie, Louie'' is one of those songs. He said the FBI actually investigated the band The Kingsmen because they thought they had lyrics that were offensive. He said that they thought they were singing about how they were going to ''lay that girl'' in the song.
Howard played ''Louie, Louie'' and said he thought that they were singing ''at night at 10 I lay her again.'' He said that's what he thought at 10 years old. He said he didn't even know how to lay a woman at that age. He said he was reading books about how to feel a girl up.
Howard said he thought he was so cool singing that song. He said his band would do that song. He said he laid alone at night. He said he was laying alone until he was 16 years old when he finally got some action. Howard sang some of the song and said every other sentence was ''lay that girl'' when he sang it.
Howard said there's a bunch of songs that he can point out where you don't know what they're singing. He played some ''Come On Eileen'' by Dexys Midnight Runners. He asked Robin if you know what they're saying. Robin thought she knew. Howard played the song and told Robin what the lyrics actually were. Howard said it might be the key to a hit song to not understand what they're singing. He said the song he wrote has too many lyrics.
Howard said he asked Fred to write him a song and it has 50,000 lyrics. He said he thinks he's Bob Dylan. He said the garbling of the lyrics is the way to go. He played some Christina Aguilera singing ''Lady Marmalade'' and said you can't understand that.
Howard said there's a guy on the phone who can understand every lyric. He took the call and the guys were using clips of Asian Pete to tell Howard the lyrics to the song.
Howard played ''Yellow Ledbetter'' by Pearl Jam and asked Asian Pete if he knows what the lyrics were. The guys played Pete saying something unintelligible and Howard said he's right. Howard said they asked Eddie Vedder about the song after he had taken a stab at it. Howard played a clip of Eddie talking about that with him and he liked the lyrics better than his own. He said his own was ''Is he coming home in a box or a bag'' and Howard's was ''Is it the boxer or the bag'' and he liked Howard's better.
Howard said this is Shaggy singing ''It Isn't Me.'' He asked Asian Pete if he knows that one. The guys played Pete giving his thoughts on that song and Howard said he's right.
Howard played Nirvana's ''Smells like Teen Spirit'' and had Pete giving the lyrics to that one. Howard told him he was right again. Howard told Robin what the lyrics actually were. He said Weird Al Yankovic was a genius with his parody of that song. He played some of that too. He said that's so good. He said he liked the video too.
Howard let Asian Pete clips go after that. He said that Shaggy song was based on an Eddie Murphy bit that he did in a comedy special. He played a clip of that bit where Eddie was talking about guys claiming that ''it wasn't me'' when he gets caught cheating.
Howard played more of the Shaggy song and said he still remembers the day Dennis Rodman came on the show and told the story about Carmen Electra and how he had women in his bed and told her that they fell out of the ceiling. Howard said their marriage didn't last too long.
Howard said he loved that song ''Louie, Louie'' when he was a kid. He played more of the song and said the guy who sang the song is on the phone. He took the call and the guys had some audio of Leon Spinks mumbling some stuff playing the part of that guy. They even had him singing a little bit.
Howard said he was working on ''Bang O'clock'' and he's not sure if he wants to share the demo with Robin or not. He said this is a really rough track. He said he may play a little of it. He said he'll show her where he's at with it. He said he recorded this in his basement. Howard played some of the song ''Bang O'clock.'' He said it's just a little of it. Robin said that's a little bit of a country vibe. Howard said it's a cross between Willie Nelson and a goat. He said it's his most honest and raw song yet.
Robin said she's surprised it's not a rock song. Howard said no one is buying rock anymore so he's going where his audience is going. He said he's like Cat Shit Stevens.
Howard played the start of the song over again. He said he doesn't want to play too much of it.
Howard said it's going to be a big hit. Robin said he may need a new producer. Howard said it's just a demo. Robin said take it to a producer then. Howard said he's working with a guy named Douche Springsteen. He said he's Bruce's uncle. He played more of the song. He said the hook is very strong. Robin said it sounds like 2 different songs to her. Howard said it's actually 3 songs. He played more of it for Robin. He said it gives him the chills. Robin asked if he's sure he finished writing it. Howard said it's an anthem and very catchy. Howard said people are going to be playing it. He said it'll be the new thing.
Howard said Rick Rubin is trying to produce it. He said maybe he'll let him work his magic on this. He said he's too minimal though. He said he needs someone to take over. Robin said they need someone to strip it down. Howard said he was going to ask Robin to sing background but she's carrying on so she won't be asked to do that. He said it's a very rough track right now and Robin is laughing at it. Robin said she's not laughing at it.
Howard took a call from a woman, Raya, who said she has had an experience being a sugar baby. Howard asked if she's on a speaker phone. She said she can take that off. She did that and sounded much better. Howard asked what a sugar baby is. She said it's when you're in a relationship with someone and you're intimate with them and they pay you or spoil you for your time. Howard said it sounds like marriage. Robin said not quite. She said they usually have a wife. Howard said it sounds like you're a prostitute. Raya said not really. She said that's usually a one time thing.
Howard said she must be super good looking if a guy is willing to do that. Raya said she would guess. Howard said she needed some dough and she went on a web site and found some guy who is lonely. He asked if the guy was married. She said no and the guy was 27. She said that he may have had trouble getting women. She said that some of the guys are either old and lonely or a douche bag. She said they may not have time to be committal. She said she thinks she's moving on pretty quickly from this whole thing.
Howard asked Raya how tall she is. She said she's 5'6'' with A-cups. Howard said she must have looked good in her photos. She said that she had some photos up and had long sleeves on. Howard said she was covered up from head to toe and the guy said that he'd give her money. She said she barely had any information on the site. She said her tag line was ''Vegetarian teacher needs help getting green.''
Howard asked Raya if she had any remorse taking money for this or not. She said she has zero remorse. She said she teaches and she gets paid shit. Howard asked when she started this relationship. She said only about a month ago. She said that he's spent at least $5,000 on her already. She said they meet in person and she gets straight cash. Howard said you don't know what this guy is and if he's going to kill her or chop her up. He asked if they speak on the phone first. She said they do. She said they have pictures of the guys up on the site or you can request photos. She said that she's only gone out to meet a few. She said they met in a public park.
Howard asked how a 27 year old guy has that kind of money. She said that he plays poker. Howard asked if the guy was really goofy looking or something. He said he must look like Jon Heder. Robin said most of the guys who play poker are goofy looking. Howard said he played it in high school. He said he knows.
Howard said her phone is acting up again. Raya said she's not sure. Howard said he's getting annoyed. Raya said she's not sure what to do. She said she'll stop moving around. Howard asked if she's a 10. She said she's not sure about that. Howard asked if she's a 7. She said she's at least a 7. Howard asked who she looks like. Raya said maybe the girl who is in Spider-Man, Kirsten Dunst. Howard said that's okay.
Howard asked what happens after they meet in the park. He said she looks him over and they have sexual relations where. She said that it wasn't on the first meeting. She said she'll do that on the second date. She said the first date is talking about expectations and ordering lots of wine. Howard said he's trying to pull a story out of this woman. He said she has done it with other guys. He said that this 27 year old guy looks her over and then they do what. She said they go to a restaurant. Howard asked when he gets to fuck her. She said they go out to dinner the second time and then they do something. She said they get an Air BnB and then do it there.
Howard said the guys have a picture of her. He took a look at her and said she's better looking than Kirsten Dunst. He said she's very good looking and in very good shape. He said she does look like a baby. He said she looks so pure and innocent. Raya said that's part of the game. She said she thinks that she'd be happy living her life like this and may never have a boyfriend again.
Howard asked how many times she's done this. She said she's had this kind of relationship 3 times. She said this guy may not be giving her enough though so she may find someone else.
Howard asked what it's like when you aren't into the guy. He asked if she can get wet. She said she can. Howard asked if everything is on the table with her. He asked if anal is. She said no. Howard asked if she blows the guy. She said no. Howard asked why not. She said if he was worth 100 million maybe she'd think about it. She said that blowing a guy is more intimate than intercourse to her. Howard said he would think a penis in your mouth is way more gross than in your vagina. She said she agrees. She asked if he's ever had one in his mouth. She said it's very close to your face. Howard said how dare you, he's Howard Stern. He asked if she means Fred or anyone else. She said anyone. Howard said he's very masculine. He said the only time he puts something phallic in his mouth is after this conversation.
Howard asked Raya about looking for a new sugar daddy. She said she is in the market. Howard said he has a guy on the phone who says he spent a lot of money on a sugar baby. He took the call from the guy who said that she'd have to enjoy what they're going to do. Raya said of course. Robin asked how old he is. He said he's over 50. Raya said earlier she doesn't date over 50. He said he was giving another woman over $80,000 a year. The guy said that he was getting laid 4 times a week. Howard asked the guy, Eric, how he feels with the woman seeing him as a mark. Eric said that he had a 7 year relationship and it started as a mark. He said that it was the other way around with him.
Howard asked if the woman has to be exclusive with him. Eric said that he did mention that once and you don't know if they're cheating on you.
Howard asked Raya how you work all of that out. Raya said it can be tough trying to find alone time and all of that.
Howard took a call from a 47 year old named George who has a 22 year old sugar baby. George told Howard about how he met his girl on Tinder. He said that she had a snap chat up and she had weed on her feed all the time. He said it went from there to her asking about him being a sugar daddy. He said it's very convenient for him. He said he works a lot and he just calls and she's available. Howard asked what he has to pay this girl. George said it's about 300 bucks a visit. He said when that date is done he's good. He said off she goes and he continues his thing. He said he's been married twice and he's having as much sex as he ever has and it's cheaper than being married.
Howard said he's having trouble seeing the difference between a prostitute and a sugar baby. He said there's no difference there. George said he feels the same way. He said that you have a more solid connection with a sugar baby. He said that he might get busy for 2 weeks and there's no expectations in between. Howard said you must get depressed over the girl not really being into you. George said he doesn't. He said he likes it. He said he's comfortable with it.
Howard said the girl must put on a good show. George said he thinks she's into it. He said he likes to believe that she's into it but he doesn't know. Howard said he thinks that Raya hung up. He said he thanks her for calling in though. He said he has the phones lit up with guys who have sugar babies. Robin said this is like morphing into a different type of prostitution. She said it used to be about guys begging the women to give them attention at all and giving them gifts constantly. Howard said Robin is right about that. He said that they didn't give them sex but they gave them money to hang out. He said it was humiliating to the guy. He said this is more like prostitution now.
Howard took a call from Mike in New Jersey who said he thinks these relationship are founded up front and you know what you're getting into. Howard asked how old his sugar baby is. Mike said he's not a sugar daddy but he's envious of this whole thing. Howard said he's not sure that he'd be envious. He said it's kind of dark to pay a woman to fuck you.
Mike asked about all of the Scores girls and the partying back in the day. Howard said no one was fucking anyone as far as he knows. He said that it is a form of this. He said it wasn't prostitution where people were fucking though. He said it was just a tease. He said some of the guys may have shot a load in their underpants and had to shuffle to the bathroom. He said he may have had to do that a few times.
Howard said there's a story about a guy who met one of these women and ended up killing her. He said that's where it can go. The caller said it's not like no one has ever killed someone in a relationship before.
Howard asked the guys what happened to Raya. Gary said she's having phone issues. He said she wants to get back on. Howard said pay her fucking phone bill pronto.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who is willing it hire Raya. He took the call and the guy said he was 82 and he's wondering if she's into piss play and shit play and things like that. He said he has nothing to live for so don't hang up. It was one of the staffers doing a bit.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how they're going to find a man after doing this for 10 years. Howard said they may not. He said this is a dark path. Robin said they're not thinking about the future. Howard said with the way this country is going maybe it pays not to think about the future. He said he was watching a governor somewhere in the Northwest and they have this heat that's over 100 degrees and their entire infrastructure is failing. He said they don't plan for this kind of weather. He said the crazy temperatures have become the new normal. He said they can't handle it when they have air conditioning on. He said they don't have the ability to handle all of this. He said they're so fucked. He said he's watching this guy and thinking about how we're past the point of no return with the environment. He said this is what happens when you keep voting in anti-science politicians. He said you have to start reading the fucking newspaper. He said there's like 47 percent to 50 percent of this country who refuse to believe in science.
Robin said Trump was one of those people who asked what happened to climate change when they had some cold weather.
The caller said he saw Howard out at the Polo lounge a few years ago and he felt like he was at the top of the world. He said he thought he was out with Lars Ulrich. Howard said it was Lars. He said he actually had dinner with him there. He said that Lars has a very beautiful wife. Howard said his wife is way into animal rescue. He said Lars asked to go out to dinner with him and they spoke about music the whole night. He said they also talked about animal rescue with his wife. He said they had a good time. Howard said Lars is a great conversationalist.
Howard said he wanted to get Raya back on but they can't make it happen. Gary said they're not sure what's going on. Howard said she's back now.
Howard got Raya back on for a split second but she was gone again. Howard said he's done with her. He said they can stop. Howard said he's not sure what's going on.
Fake George Takei knocked on the door and Howard had him play a door opening. George said that Brad is his sugar baby but he's horrible at it. Howard said it's Fun George. George asked where his rim job is at. He said maybe he needs a sugar baby. George said absolutely. Howard said imagine what he would have done back in the day. George said that he thinks sex shouldn't be a transaction but he may not be able to contain himself. He said he has to pay Brad in Oreo cookies.
Howard said George told him that when he met Brad he had a lot of muscles. George said now he just thinks about him running his tongue down his ass. He rang the bell asking Brad to come in over and over. Howard asked what's going on with that bell. He said he rings it and Brad never shows up. George said he may be deaf at this point.
Howard said ring it louder and maybe he'll show up. George rang the bell like crazy and laughed. He said that he used to be all muscle and now he's all belly.
Howard said he was great on the show the other day with Donald Trump. George said that he tries to talk to people like that but it's difficult. He said that Donald has changed America for the worst.
Howard asked George if he has any new words to teach them to pronounce. George said that Robin isn't saying her own name the right way. He suggested the right pronunciation. Howard said he may be right about that. He said Robin is actually ''Ro-ban.''
Howard read some feedback about George being on the show and speaking up for people. Howard said he believes that this sugar baby thing is prostitution. George said he understands needing something. He said that he needs to be blown. He rang his bell for Brad. Howard said people do have needs and some people need a blow job from Brad.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks it goes both ways with the sugar daddy thing. He said he has several older girlfriends who pay for everything when he goes out with them. He said women pay men to go out with them too. He said it works both ways.
Howard had Raya back on the phone. He said that he has to put a cap on this. He said this feels like prostitution to him. She said she disagrees. Howard asked what the difference is to her. She said that you call a prostitute once but a sugar baby is a long term relationship. She said you go to dinner with them too. Howard said that's like an escort. Raya said that an escort is closer to a sugar baby. Howard asked if she ever lies to the guys and says she loves them. She said that she won't do that. She said she's more honest than that. Howard said he doesn't know what to say but he thanks her for sharing this information. He said that she won't even blow these guys. She said she probably would. Her phone was getting muffled so it was hard to hear what she was saying.
Howard asked what the guy gets to do to her. He asked if he just gets to put his penis in her. She said that some guys have things that they like to do. She said that most sugar daddies are dominant and looking for things like that. She said something about sticking with kissing and her phone was so messed up that it sounded like tickling to Robin.
Howard said he wishes Raya luck. He said he hopes that she doesn't end up in the paper like that girl he read about earlier. He said a guy killed a sugar baby in his back yard. He said this isn't an easy life. Raya said domestic violence is in every relationship. She said that they have a level of respect in a relationship like this. She said she feels more safe in a relationship like this. Howard asked if she has had sex that was pleasurable in the last year. She said it's always pleasurable. She said that she makes it that way.
Howard said he thinks Raya seems hardened. He said she's very down on romance and she's a young woman. He said that she could find a man who loves her and could build a relationship with. He said everything is transactional. He said it's all about money. Raya said she knows that. She said that 2020 kind of hit everyone. She said she's trying to advocate for herself. Howard asked if she sees kids and a husband in her future. Raya said she thinks that she'd rather adopt a child and marry a friend. Howard said she's just going to hang out and maybe adopt a kid then. He asked if she would advocate for her child to do the same. She said she might do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is just an excuse for her not to call herself a prostitute. He said she's vulnerable and that's all there is to it. Howard let that guy go and he said that Benjy just scraped together $3,000 for Raya. He said she's goes though so it's too late.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he just read something about the lead singer of Blink 182. He said someone announced they have cancer. Jon said that's him. Howard said Mark Hoppus has cancer. Howard asked how old he is. He said this band is really good. He said this is a song that he wrote about a kid who shot himself. He said he wrote it about that and feeling lonely after going on tour.
Robin said she was thinking about the sugar babies and daddies and they were all saying that there's risk in any relationship. She said that was interesting.
Howard said Mark is 49. He said he was sad thinking about that. Robin said there are people of all ages who have cancer. Howard said he thinks about the little girl who sat next to him in 2nd grade who never came back. He said she sat next to him in class. He said she was skinny and she had big chipmunk cheeks at one point. He said she was quiet and sweet and then he found out she had died. He said he thinks about her all the time. He said he has had this life and she never got to have that. He said that he remembers her parents praying. He said they had a son too but he died at 18 from cancer.
Howard said he thinks about what that girl's life could have been and how she could have been a sugar baby.
Howard said he's trying to think about the lyrics to that song and how that kid had spilled apple juice in the hall and telling mom not to think that it was her fault.
Howard said that poor guy Mark has cancer and he hopes he can beat it. Robin said rock stars have super powers so maybe he can.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has been married for 20 years now and for the past year his wife has had a boyfriend. He said they all know about it. He said that they will go to dinner together and all of that. He said it's not a sugar baby thing but they do know about it. He said that his wife will go out and date and have fun and then come back home.
Howard asked if the guy is a swinger. He said he is. Howard asked if he hooks up with other women. The caller said he does. He said it started out with just her. He said he enjoys watching her with other guys. He said it's the whole thing that he's into.
Howard said he just doesn't get that kind of relationship. He said he thinks that some guys do it because they have low self esteem. He said maybe there's an economic thing going on. He said maybe it's a fetish. He said he gets the feeling that this guy isn't into his wife that much. He said he can't deal with that with his wife. He said he wouldn't want to share someone. He said when he's into someone he's not going to share. He said he might as well get rid of her if that's how he feels.
Howard said that marriage is two people and you either buy into that or not. He said if you don't buy into it then don't get married.
Howard said he doesn't want to hear about his wife fucking another guy. The caller said when you say that you're married that's the emotional attachment. Howard said get a woman who's into you. He said this woman isn't into him. The caller, Gary, said that he was the one who brought it up to her. He said he just wanted to tell Howard about this. Howard said anything goes today. He said there are no standards anymore. He said there's not standards for journalism anymore. He said nothing matters anymore.
Robin said she was talking to some friends about how she would have been burned as a witch back in the olden days because she's different. She said things are different now.
Howard said he's old fashioned and he's into fucking his own wife. He said if you want your wife to fuck other guys then go ahead and do it. He said that if he's in a relationship he's not going to want his wife fucking other guys.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he agrees with Howard. Howard said from a health point of view he doesn't want her fucking another guy. King said that Howard is right and he's not sure how anyone can argue with him. Robin said she can. King asked how a dude can like his wife fucking another dude. Robin said this happens a lot. She said we're seeing there are so many alternative lifestyles. She said it's never worked for people. Howard said you start that and it's the end of the road for that relationship.
King said he wasn't busting Ronnie's balls yesterday. He said if his wife had pictures of her ex boyfriend he'd want her to get rid of them. Howard said we know his views and they get it.
King said he needs advice. He said his daughter wants to be a singer and she just turned 16. He said he wants their opinion on how she sounds. Howard said he will give his honest opinion. Robin said he's an official judge. Howard said he is a judge. King said that he wants his honest opinion. He said he wants to be her manager if she has something. Howard said Fred has tape of her. He told Fred to play Charli's clip. Fred played some Robin singing. He had her singing ''Cocaine.'' Howard said he's going to give her the golden buzzer.
Howard said he wants to hear the real Charli. Fred said he actually does. He played a clip of King's daughter Charli singing. Howard said she has a nice voice. King was crying and said he gets goose bumps when he hears her sing. He said he's a critic. He said he's looking at her like ''Holy shit!'' Howard said he's a humble garbage man. King said he's also truthful. He said he would say if it she sounded like shit. He said he thought this time she's got it.
Howard asked how the kid looks. King said she has the look. He said she's thin but not thin. He said she's perfect in the body. He said she has a white girl face and her boobs are big. He said she's Puerto Rican and black so she has brown skin. He said he sees men looking at her. He said that's a good thing.
Howard said she has a look then. King said she does. He said she likes Grateful Dead clothes and shirts and stuff. He said he can't even explain it. He said she got picked to do some Yale thing in school too. He said she's smart too.
Howard said this has conservatorship written all over it. King said he would sign her. He said she has to sign him first. He said he told her that. Howard said he has to be real with him. He said he knows he told the guys that if he becomes her manager that he'll run through her money like a track star. King said she's getting him the new Mercedes. He said she told him she'd get him that. Howard said he's already sounding like he's going to sign her up so she can never leave him. King said Howard is the smartest guy. Howard said he's telling King that he has to stop with his attitude about her not leaving him. He said he has to let them go. He said that's what being a parent is all about. He said he's sounding like Joe Jackson.
King said that they told Michael Jackson to resent it. He said they told him he doesn't need his father. Howard said it sounds like King is going to take all of her money.
Howard said what he thinks is that his daughter does have talent. King said he has to get her vocal lessons. He said he has to get his money back if he invests. Howard said he's not sure if he's being real or not. King said he is. Howard said you don't say you need to get your money back. He said you give it to her in a generous way. King said so he has to sit around if he invests in her. Howard asked how many people he's managed in the music industry. King said he managed a lot in real life. He said zero in the music industry.
Howard said he knows that his parents invested a lot in him. He asked how much he paid them back. King said he had no talent though. He said that if he invests in his daughter's schooling he doesn't expect anything back from that. He said if she makes money from singing then he expects something. Howard said he's got to be kidding now. He said that he sees that he has some emotion here. He said he has to set his expectations back to normal range now.
Howard said his daughter has a nice voice. He said if you turn on American Idol or Coffee House you hear people doing cover versions. He said you've never heard of these people. King said they don't have the look though. Howard said Hulk Hogan's daughter had the look and he invested millions of dollars into her. King said she wasn't black though. He said that it's all about race and looks. Howard said okay. King said it's all about that.
Howard said that his point is that it's not just about being able to sing. He said there's a lot of variables. He said Bob Dylan isn't a great singer. He said he's a great poet and song writer. He said the world is littered with people who can sing. He said Charli may have a career in jingles or something. He said you can't put this on her to become a superstar like Mariah Carrey. He said he has to get out of this call. He asked if she's writing original music. King said she is and he has one. He said he has to get it to them. He said this is an original song.
Howard said he has Britney Spears' father on the phone. He said he wants to talk to King. Fake Mr. Spears said that this guy gets it and knows how to do it. He said he's behind him.
Howard said a lot of these girls get right on the circuit. Robin said that Jodi Foster went to college and became a big star. Howard said when LeAnn Rimes was 16 years old she sued her father for taking money from her. Howard said that years later they did reconcile but lets hope that King can learn from that. King said he can't get the 911 Turbo. He said that's only $200,000. Howard said he has to hear her original song.
Howard asked what this Yale thing is. King said that she's one of the girls out of a few who got picked to do this Yale class thing. He said the other girls are Asian. Howard asked if this is an academic thing. King said it is. Howard said his daughter is so smart that she can go to Yale for the summer and hang out. King said that he's acting like this is no big deal. Robin said they're just trying to figure out what he's talking about. King said that she got picked for some academic thing to go to a Yale type program. He said he's not sure what it's called. Robin said she knows what he's talking about. She said he has no interest in it so he doesn't know what it's called.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said she sounds nice but there's a million girls who sound like her. He said they're a dime a dozen. He said that she has to get away from King and get a real manager. He told him he sounds ridiculous. King said he knows about money so he can do that. He said that he had it made upstairs and downstairs. He said he's not from the projects. Howard said he wishes his daughter luck with him and her career.
Howard said the guy who wrote the theme from Deliverance died last week. He said he hopes he has that right. He said he wrote that banjo song. He said that it's really just one guy who did the banjo thing in the movie. He said he didn't write the song but they credited him with it and some guy sued him over it or something. He said it was a whole thing. He said that everyone from Deliverance is dying. Howard said Fred would know the guy's name. Fred said it was Eric Weissberg. Howard said that's it.
Howard had Jon Hein explain the story of the banjo. Jon gave him the rundown of what happened there. Howard said it's very confusing. Jon said he died at 80 from Alzheimer's. Howard said he was on the soundtrack as being the author of the song but he wasn't and it wasn't his fault.
Howard said everyone is dying from that movie but Jon Voight is still around. He said he's seen him in the news and he has some weird shit coming out of his mouth. Robin said he is incredible. She said she liked the guy who gave his daughter messages on Entertainment Tonight.
Howard asked the caller if he's asking to do that to Robin to thank her for the years of entertainment. The caller said that's it. Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said she's not sure why he'd think she'd want that. She said she has to spend time with him and it's not just him going down on her. Howard said that he'll leave. The caller, Chris, said he'll leave if she wants him to. He said he can swim back to shore if she wants him to. Howard asked if he's vaccinated. Chris said he is. Robin asked if she can see a picture of this guy. Howard asked if he looks like the Elephant Man would that help. He asked Chris who he looks like. Chris said he gets Vin Diesel a little bit. Robin asked if he's muscular as well as having a shaved head. Chris said he is muscular.
Howard said he admires this guy's gumption. He said that he sounds bright to him even if he has trouble with the word cunnilingus. He said she might get worked up and let him put his penis in her. Chris said he'll do whatever Robin wants him to do down there. He said he's a giver.
Howard said the city's health department has released a sexual risk list and they say that getting COVID from a rim job is low. He said that it does not cause COVID-19. Chris said that's super. He said they're good then. Robin asked if he really thought this offer would get approval. Howard said it's not the craziest idea. Chris said he's speaking like a gentleman. He said he thinks she'd have a spectacular time.
Howard said that this guy is going to lick her for hours. Chris said he could do it all day. Howard said he likes his attitude. He said if he were single he'd consider an offer like this. Robin said they just had a conversation with the sugar baby woman and he wasn't happy about that. Robin said she has always been a connection kind of person. Chris asked if there's no connection between them. Howard said he feels it. Robin said let him rim him then. Howard said it was a smart move calling in with that.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said he thinks it's terrible that King of All Blacks is trying to get money out of his daughter. He said he should take care of himself instead. Howard said it is disturbing. Robin said it is odd that it's always about taking care of King.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that everything with King is transactional. Howard said he's very materialistic.
Howard took a call from Ass Napkin Ed who asked how he feels about the alien thing that's all over the news now. Howard asked if he's high right now. Ed said he's extremely high on wine right now. He said he's not touching heroin anymore. Howard asked when he starts drinking. Ed said he gets up at 2 in the morning to prepare for the show and drinks red wine.
Howard asked what he wanted to ask about. Ed said he wanted to talk about the UFO thing. Ed said all over the news they talk about space aliens. He said he wants his take on this. Howard said he saw all of this newly released information. He said he's kind of impressed that this kid gets up at 2 in the morning to listen to the show. He said the staff should hear this. Ed said he's been listening for 17 years. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard said he has to get to some updates but he saw the newly released footage from the government. He said that an unidentified flying object doesn't mean it's from another planet. He said that it can be a satellite or something from another country that's flying around. He said that everyone gets worked up but there are no aliens out there. He said none of that is a little man from another planet. He said it's nothing. Ed asked about the physics. Howard said they don't know about physics. He said the experts look at it and they don't have explanations for it. He said they don't know what China or Russia have going on. Ed asked if he really thinks that China and Russia are ahead of us. Howard said there's tech in the sky that they don't know about. Robin said this is what they're seeing in planes, not in space. Howard said he knows everyone wants to think that we're in a Rod Serling movie but it's not happening. He said we're alone in this universe. He said we're a huge accident. He said we just happen to be close to the sun and all of that and this was a pure accident. He said no one is coming to visit us. Ed asked how you explain chariots. Howard asked if he's laying on his phone at this point. He said he pictures him barely on the phone.
Howard said if aliens visited us they had to travel light years. He said they'd come here and wouldn't be hiding in the clouds observing us. He said that we're not going to hid in the clouds if we go visit another planet. Ed asked Howard where he thinks he'll be in 30 years. Howard said he'll be dead and there's nothing left of him. He said that we're going nowhere. Ed said he thinks he'll be in heaven. Howard said he hopes his delusion is correct. Robin said she hopes not because she doesn't want to be with these people that she's been with. Howard said he has to go talk about some other things. He said that he would like to be with God and go to Heaven. Howard said no one else is going there. He said he gets that this is what people have to believe. He said it's a funny thing. He said we can't believe that this consciousness just goes away. He said he's had a pretty good life and he'd like to keep going for eternity. He said he'd like to live like a vampire but that's not going to happen.
Howard said if he were a vampire everyone would be like a chicken to him and he'd eat them all. Robin said she saw a vampire movie where Lucy Liu turned into a vampire and she went around killing the other vampires and she hated drinking from other people. Howard said he would have a lot of fun as a vampire.
Howard went to break after doing a live commercial read.
Howard came back and talked about the Adele song and sang along with that a little bit. He asked if this is her only hit song. Robin said not at all. Howard said she had that other one. He said he's not sure why she never writs new songs. Robin said she's probably working on one now. Howard said hopefully.
Howard said he's always amazed that people have a hit song and that's it. Robin said he just doesn't know about their other albums. Robin said she's had a bunch of hits.
Howard said he has to get to this update. He said one of the questions they have had on the show and they try to answer them for the listeners. He said the company has the longest name now with SiriusXM Pandora Stitcher. He said they are proud of everything they acquire there. He said he thinks Yiddish is easier to pronounce than the company name.
Howard said one of the things that they have tried to figure out is High Pitch Erik's sexuality. He said that Sal tried to figure this out. He said that he found out that Erik only jerks off to men now and doesn't think about women. Howard said he has some tape of Sal talking to Erik about this. Howard played the clip and Erik revealed that he'd be jerking off to Donnie Wahlberg in Blue Bloods. He said he doesn't think about women at this point. Howard said there it is.
Howard said Erik could go on the internet and get clips from the show but he waits for the show to air to jerk off. He said he used to do that with Gilligan's Island.
Howard said Sal followed up with Erik and asked if he jerked off to Donnie. Howard played the clip and Erik said he did jerk off to the show and he had a huge load. He said he was in shorts and a t-shirt and he pulled his shorts down and blew a load during the dinner scene. Howard said he thinks he blew a load thinking about that dinner.
Erik talked about how he came on Donnie's hand and he wiped it on his face when he was done. Howard said there's nothing sexual about this dinner theme at all. He played some audio from that dinner scene.
Howard said Sal asked Erik when he's going to jerk off next. He said Erik had a revelation about where he'll do it. Erik said he's going to take his truck to the beach and jerk off to the girls there. He said if he's in his truck it should be fine. Erik said he likes women but only hot ones. He said he would jerk off to men but only if it's Donnie who shows up there.
Howard said he has some audio that's really gross. He said if you're eating you might want to stop. He said Chris Wilding spoke to Erik and he was his man crush for a while. He said Chris wanted to make up with Erik. He played the audio of Chris calling Erik and asking to make up and maybe having some make up sex over the phone. Erik said he's into that. He said he can blow him if he wants. He said he'll have Twinkie cream all over him. Howard said he's dreaming about Twinkies.
Howard said Erik said he likes to go to Jones Beach to jerk off in his truck. Robin said they're going to have a big drop off this summer now that they know that.
Howard played more of the Chris and Erik tape. Erik and Chris were having phone sex. Erik was yelling at Chris to swallow his load and things like that. Howard said it's the most horrible phone sex ever. Robin said it boggles the mind. She asked why he's so angry.
Howard took a call from Erik who said that Chris told him to get angry with him. Erik said he has a bone to pick with Chris. Howard said he has to play one more clip. Erik said Robin is dull so what does he expect from her. He said sometimes she can't comprehend what they play. Robin said she can't comprehend Erik. Erik told her to pay attention.
Howard said Erik doesn't like Wolfie who works for them so Chris threw Erik a curve ball. He said he brought in a special guest who was Wolfie. Howard played the clip of Chris talking to Erik about how Wolfie is under the table there while they're having sex. Erik said he's not his type. Chris brought him in and Erik said he just became un-hard. He said he's going to fuck Wolfie in the ass and cum all over his fucking face. Erik said that he's pissing in his face right now. He said Chris is shitting in his mouth. Wolfie was playing along and Erik said he's really gay.
Howard said happy pride month everybody. Howard asked Erik why he tells Wolfie he's gay like it's a bad thing. Erik said he's gay because he participated in that scene. He said he's not sure why he said it like that. Howard said he said it like a put down. Erik said it wasn't a put down.
Howard asked if Erik and Wolfie are friends now. Erik said he's trying to adjust. He said that he has a bone to pick with Chris. He said it was his birthday this past weekend. He said Chris said he would invite him to his birthday. He said he didn't message him. He said he never responded back to him. Howard asked If Chris lied to Erik. Chris said he didn't lie. He said he doesn't know how to reach him. He said he blocked him on social media. Erik said he unblocked him. Chris said he didn't know that he unblocked him. He said he didn't have anything organized and did something last minute. He said that he went to a boat for drinks with some of the guys who work there. He said it was John and Mike. He said it was very small. Chris said he thought Erik had blocked him so he didn't know how to get in touch. Erik said he also said he wanted to go to Sesame Street Live with him and he backed out of that. Chris said that there was a pandemic going on. He said he's not going to go to that show even when it opens up again.
Howard said he wants to talk to Low Pitch Erik. He had Erik go into that voice. Erik put on his voice and said he hates when Chris takes advantage of High Pitch Erik. Chris said he wasn't taking advantage. Howard talked to both High Pitch Erik and Low Pitch Erik. Chris said that Low Pitch Erik might be more his type. Howard asked if Low Pitch thinks High Pitch is gay. Low Pitch said he doesn't think so. He said High Pitch Erik loves women too. He said he has hung out with High Pitch Erik.
Robin asked if he's bi-sexual. Low Pitch Erik said that High Pitch Erik has had so much sex with women. Howard asked if Low Pitch Erik would have sex with Donnie Wahlberg. Low Pitch Erik said no way, he's not gay. Howard went back and forth with the two of them. High Pitch Erik said he's just doing the gay stuff for the show.
Howard said he has Elmo from Sesame Street on the phone. He took that call but accidentally hung up on Erik. Howard said he has to get Erik back on the line. Howard told Elmo to hold on. He said maybe after 40 years of radio he'll figure out how to work the phone. Elmo was about to cum. Howard told him to hold on and calm down. Howard played a commercial parody for the High Pitch Erik and Low Pitch Erik album.
Howard got Erik back on the phone and had him talk to Elmo from Sesame Street. Elmo asked if he can eat his asshole out. Erik said he doesn't like anyone doing that to him. Elmo asked if he'll suck his red penis. Erik said no but he can jerk him off and he'll blow a load on his red face. Elmo was asking Erik to do all kinds of things but he had a weird accent. Howard asked if this is the Mexican Elmo or something. He said he's not sure what he's doing. He said he sounds like Elmo from Times Square. He said there's something really disturbing about this. He said he doesn't believe that was the real Elmo.
Erik said he has two things going on tomorrow. He said he has a Colonoscopy and an Endoscopy. Howard said he can't imagine the doctor who has to do that with him. He asked if he'll bathe before going to the doctor. Erik said he always does. He asked if Howard has ever had one. Howard said yes. Robin asked if he's doing the prep. Erik said he is but he has a bidet toilet. Howard asked if he's doing the prep the right way. He asked him to tell him what he's doing. Erik said he has that powder to put in drinks. He said you have to have that one drink before you go to bed. Howard said he doesn't know if it's doing it. Erik said he's not going to eat. Howard said he has to take Ducolax and that other stuff. Erik said he has all of that. Howard said he has to keep drinking water and that whole thing. Erik said he knows. Robin said the Colonoscopy is at 7:30 tomorrow morning. Howard said he has to start the prep around 3 today. Erik said he already started it.
Howard said they knock you out for the Colonoscopy. He said they stick a camera up your ass and then you're sitting in a chair. He said he's not sure how they're going to get him in a chair. He said that he won't feel any pain or anything. Erik said he won't have anything behind him because his ass is always clean. Howard said he has to do the prep right or they can't see anything in there. Erik said they'll be very happy with him. Howard said he'll be fine.
Erik said he has the Endoscopy at the same time. Chris said it's like bringing your car in for service. Howard said he's going to have a tube up his ass and one down his throat. Chris said he's getting spit roasted. Erik said it's like being tortured. Howard said it'll make a man out of you.
Erik said Chris should go with him. Chris asked why he would do that. Howard said he wishes him luck with all of that. He said he's not sure what the odds are that he'll get a clean bill of health. Robin said she's shocked that he doesn't have more stuff wrong with him. Howard said he kind of likes that the smartest kid from his school gets to stick a pipe up Erik's ass. Howard said this will be the big summer cliff hanger for the show. He said they have to wait until September to find out what they found. Howard said they have to keep him off social media until then.
Howard said he hopes that Erik will be safe. Erik said he hopes they have a great summer. Howard let him go after that. He said we all pray that it will go well. Robin said she thought he was going to announce some show he was doing or something and then he mentions he's having a colonoscopy.
Howard said you tell people that they get to hear about a guy shitting in the woods and then Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox and Lisa Kudrow come on the show and they talk to them. He said that's how it goes. He asked the caller to go out and tell the people about the show.
Howard said they have run out of time. He said seriously they'll be running a special all summer where they have Stern Show Summer School and Gary, Jon and Rahsaan will go through the whole history of the show.
Gary came on and said that will be on Howard 101 at 1pm during he summer vacation. Howard ended the show around 10:25am.
Howard said his father loved work and retired at 57. He said he was forced to retire. He said he loved getting up and going to work. He said he loves working too and there were years when he was doing TV, radio and specials. He said it's been a very busy career. He said he did America's Got Talent and all of that too. He said he did a movie. Robin said he wrote books too. Howard said he did say to Sirius that he wasn't sure what he wanted to do. He said Beth asked if he wanted to stay on radio. He said he odes like doing it so he sat down after a long discussion about it. He said it was mostly with Jim (Meyer). He said that he had a conversation with Jennifer Witz the other day too. He said he's very excited about her ideas. He said they had a discussion about the future of satellite radio and Pandora and Stitcher. He said he spent a lot of time thinking about it. He said he told Jennifer that he's a failure about a lot of things but not radio. He said he's been correct in his career. He said he's an idiot savant in radio. He said the emphasis is on idiot of course.
Howard said back at K-Rock he came up with ideas like taping the show with high quality tape so they could replay the shows. He said they pushed back on that. He said they said the cassettes were over $3 per tape and it was going to cost them so much money. He said he thought they could use that to make up for the cost. He said that they didn't want to spend that money. Robin said they have been doing this in TV for many years. Howard said no one thought to do this. He said it's weird. He said there was so much fight over it. He said that he told them to think about all of the money they could charge sponsors when they played The Best of Stern. He said they were livid and fighting over it. He said after much negotiating they finally agreed they would tape the show. He said they wanted the right to record over the shows after a certain number of months. He said they wanted to use the tapes to record. He said they had to be kidding him. He said he's not trying to rob them blind. He said the cassettes would pay for themselves. He said he guaranteed they would. He said sure enough they did.
Howard said he told the company, Infinity Broadcasting, that he was leaving if they didn't put him on in Los Angeles. He said they pushed back on that. He said they said his show wouldn't work in Los Angeles. He said they insisted that a radio show had to be local. He said TV shows work all over the country so why not a radio show? He said they were saying he was trying to pull a quick one on them. He said he told the company he was either going to leave or he'll set up a company that will take all of the money he gets and pay them to put the show on. He said they didn't want that. He said they're all like jealous girlfriends and they think you're trying to trick them into something.
Howard said he told the company that he'd send them a hefty check if they let him do it. He said they wanted the money every 2 weeks. He said they were arguing over the money. He said okay to that. He said he went on in Philadelphia first and that worked. He said then he went to L.A. and got on there. He said they said that it won't work there. He said he was going to pay them but they didn't want him on there. He said he thinks they thought it was going to work and he'd leave them or something. He said he just wanted to be heard out there. He said he knew he could beat the putz's out there. He said that's the place that he had to be on. He said it was killing him not to be on there. He said he got on in Washington DC instead. He said they didn't let him go on in L.A.
Howard said he was paying the company and it may have been more than they were paying him. He said then he still had the bug up his ass for L.A. He said he was going to leave the company if he wasn't on in L.A. He said the forces there said if he wants to go there he can go on but not on their station. He said he got on a station and went right to number 1. He said then Infinity bought the station he was on. He said they couldn't stand that he was at number 1 at a competing station.
Howard said he's been ahead of the experts in everything he has done. He said whatever he does is right. He said then they went to L.A. and he was paying Infinity a hefty check every 2 weeks. He said then it was like he must be right. He said everyone was syndicating by that point. He said now you see in radio there are guys with mediocre shows syndicated all over the country. He said they have him to thank for that.
Howard said the next big innovation was to get off of this radio. He said he had to move to Satellite. He said that he started when XM was the only game in town. He said he went to Virginia to visit the company. He said he met Lee Abrams there and they asked him to come there. He thought it was too early but it was interesting. He said he was going to come talk to them after his next contract. He said they weren't in any cars yet. He said it would have been too slow a build up. He said he liked Lee but not the whole board. He said he got a cold feeling from the board. He said he knew he had to get out of regular radio though. He said it was getting too insane.
Howard said he went to Sirius a couple of years later. He said he met with both Sirius and XM and said whoever hires him will be the winner. He said they looked at him like he was being an asshole. He said they laughed at him at XM and said Sirius blows and they were beating the shit out of them. He said it was bullshit. He said Sirius knocked on his door and asked what he was doing. He said they wanted him to do a deal there. He said he liked Scott Greenstein and Leon Black at the time he owned it. He said he liked everyone involved. He said they were nice people. He said he was in.
Howard said they went all out and got radios in the cars and all of that. He said everyone said he was going to fail. He said he knew they knew nothing. Robin said they told him he was going to fail in commercials. Howard said that's right. He said he had a long career and he has been right. He said that he thinks there's more to be done in satellite. He said he thinks that Jennifer liked his ideas. He said he talked about his excitement and stuff. He said when this last contract was up he did think it was time. He said they asked him to do 100 shows a year instead of 112. He said he still believes that they do the best radio around. He said the rest of radio just isn't that good.
Howard said he knows they want more shows but this is what they're doing. He said that most people get it but there were some people who were upset. He said it's sweet actually. He said he's still convinced it was a no brainer coming there. He said some people said it was suicide to go there but he's doing fine. Howard said Jay Leno did a whole bit about ''Howard Stern who?'' when he moved there.
Howard said he was okay with them knocking off 12 shows a year. He said that's how this all came about.
The caller, Trish, said that they had an episode where they had a black and white family against each other. She said they asked what they would do if someone stole their car. She said the black family won because they had great answers. Howard said he's not sure who they survey but it can be impossible to run the board. He said you have to give up control to the other family and let them lose. Robin said she remembers the old Family Feud and the black family would always lose because she thinks they only polled white people. She said it was always stuff that the white family would be able to answer. She said now she thinks they only go to a black mall to poll.
Howard said he never thought about that. He said maybe they should tell you who the polled. He said maybe she has a point there.
Howard said they're not going to go on the show. He said he has discussed this with Robin. He said that it was very nice of them to ask them to come on the show. He said that they are intrigued with the show at his home but they will not go on and make fools of themselves. He said that he played High Pitch Erik the other day and Erik beat him. He said he's not going to do it.
Howard said he stopped liking Family Feud with Richard Dawson. He said that he was kissing the contestants and carrying on. He said he made it all about himself. He wonders if he was doing it today if he would kiss trans women. Robin said that those women may not have even wanted to be kissed. Howard said Richard thought he was like W.C. Fields. He said he's been asked to do these game shows and he'd be all business if he did them. He said he'd get right to the game. He said he doesn't want nonsense on these shows. He said that Steve Harvey is good but he does some shtick. He said he's genuinely funny too. Robin said he seems to like people too. Howard said he does. He said the most important thing is that he keeps the game moving.
Howard said he actually called Steve Harvey once. He said he told him he wanted to compliment him. He said he was hosting with no nonsense and he likes that. He said he told him he was doing a good job. He said he was doing great. He said he had to call to tell him that. He said he's a fan of game shows and he always watches them. He said he thinks Steve appreciated it. Robin said of course he must have. Howard said he watched one show where Richard Dawson may have checked a woman for breast cancer. He said he wasn't squeezing anyone's balls though.
Robin said they are still testing people for Jeopardy. Howard said they have to stop that. Robin said she saw that Savanna Guthrie was being tested last week and she was doing great. Howard said he saw that Lavar Burton was doing it and he thought he was born to be the host. He said he's really throwing it in there.
Howard said he has to get to a lot this morning. He said that Richard Dawson was the host of Family Feud. He said they had six hosts of the game before Steve Harvey. He said that's after Richard Dawson. He asked who came second. Robin said she has to think about this. Howard said it was Ray Combs. Robin said something terrible happened to him. Gary said he committed suicide. He said he hung himself. He said that was after a 72 hour psychiatric evaluation. Howard said Ray Combs was better than Richard Dawson. Robin said they even spoke to Ray at one time. Howard said they did. He said he's sorry to hear that.
Howard said the next host of Family Feud was Louie Anderson and then Richard Carne and John O'Hurley. Howard said then Steve Harvey came in. Robin said she remembers Ray having a bad end. Howard said his dream in life was to host a game show. He said he saw it as unobtainable. He said when he was a little boy he loved Gene Rayburn as the host of Match Game. He said he had that big long microphone and he'd shove it in people's face. Robin said it was very skinny. Howard said it was long and skinny and he was jealous because it looked like a wand that he could use to stay away from people. He said he loved Match Game. He said he would watch it every day after school. He said his mom told him that Charles Nelson Riley was a fagela. He said he didn't know that. He said he would ask his mother why Liberace wasn't able to find a wife. He said he'd go on TV and talk about meeting women and how he wasn't able to find the right one. He said Mike Douglas would say that was crazy that he can't find a wife. He said he's sitting there in a big fur coat and all of that. He said he had no idea so he'd ask his mom about it. He said she'd laugh and tell him he's gay. Howard said he has no gaydar whatsoever.
Howard said he was weirded out when he saw the show Bye, Bye Birdie. He said Paul Lynde was the father of the family. He said he would sing that song about the kids and he seemed like no dad he had ever met. Howard said he had no gaydar. He said he didn't know Ralph was gay either.
Ralph said Howard said he has tremendous regret in his life. He said he's been around for a while and he's changed so many things. He said he has a great wife and great kids. He said he should be happy. Howard said you can't tell someone who is a depressed type person to be happy. He said he's a happy person although he spent last night writing about 20 pages about death in his journal. He said he wrote about that and people who don't get to realize their dreams in life. He said it was lovely. Robin said if he has a thought and he has to fill his fountain pen before he writes it that's a problem. Howard said his point is that he has regrets. He said his childhood would have been different and he wasted a lot of time in life. He said he wishes he had the brain he has now when he was a child. He said he could have parented himself. He said he could have taken advantage of his time on this planet. Robin said that's a ridiculous thing. She said you're not supposed to know how to parent yourself.
Howard said he could have been more productive in his life. Ralph said he had a job right after he got out of school. He said he's not sure how he wasted his life. Howard said he just had a lot of wasted time. He said there was a lot of wasted time. Robin said he made the most out of what he got. Howard said he could have learned more in school. He said he was so beaten down and told he was a moron for so long it took him time to get over that. He said he wasn't able to speak in class because the teachers told him he was going to flunk. He said the teacher didn't give a fuck what he had been through. He said he had to come up with something to get an A with in her class. He said he did come up with a project and did get an A.
Ralph said now he's seeing his success and he's thinking about what he didn't do. He said he's great at art and the time and effort he puts into it is something he can do because of this job he has.
Howard said he will tell you a story. He said when he signed on to do America's Got Talent he was happy to do it. He said it was in the last season he did he was sitting there and they were setting up an act he was going to review and judge. He said it was a water skiing squirrel. He said he was watching his watch while they're setting up. He said the conversation was light and he was feeling grumpy. He said the sun was starting to set and they were fighting the sun for the segment. He said they had to get the squirrel up on the skis. He said he looked over and thought this is insane. He wondered what he was doing. He said no squirrel wants to be on the water. He said they never go in the water. He said when he saw this squirrel he thought ''that's me.'' He said he was a squirrel trying to water ski and he was wasting his time there. He said he told them to get anyone they want to replace him. He said he would rather have that than sit there with those three.
Howard said he has an autographed photo of that squirrel in his archive. He said that he's going to keep it so he can see that time is running out and he doesn't want to waste his time. Howard said he wasn't in those buildings on 9/11 but he sat and watched a squirrel ski. He said they weren't able to get it set up. He said he knows that doesn't compare to 9/11 or people who got COVID. He said he's sitting there wasting his time though. He said that's what was going on.
Ralph said it was the greatest thing because they were running around like it was the most important thing. Howard said thanks to Ralph. He said they'll try to get to his bit today. He hung up on him.
Howard said sometimes you don't know what Ralph is going to have. He said he was calling in during the Friends interview. He said he just called in to talk about how Monica is his favorite. He said that's all he had. He said no one asked him about that.
Howard said a 3.9 is out of 4. He said that means he was doing really well. He said he was a science major. He said none of them believed him so they got in touch with the college and got his records. He said Sal went there from 1989 to 1992. He said he took no classes in 1991. He said he missed a year. Robin said that community college is usually 2 years. Howard said Sal stretched it out as long as he could.
Howard said in 1989 Sal failed 2 classes. He said it was Aerobic dancing and ''reading in the content areas.'' He said he failed those two classes. He said you have to be an idiot to fail those classes. He said two of his classes gave satisfactory grades. He said they were developmental classes for writing and math.
Howard said so far he doesn't see a 3.9. He said in the fall of 1989 he only took 2 classes. He said he didn't pass either. He said he got a D+ in anatomy and an unsatisfactory in Algebra. He had a 0.0 GPA. He said it was zero point zero. He said imagine that. Fred played the zero point zero clip.
Howard said in the spring of 1990 he withdrew from the classes he had. He said he got another 0.0 GPA. He said then in the fall of 1990 Sal passed two classes. He got a C in the principals of biology and a math class he got satisfactory. He said he ended up with a 2.0 GPA.
Howard said then in the spring of 1992 Sal buckled down and got a B+ in two classes of composition and intro to psychology. He said he got a 3.5 GPA that time. He said that was for one semester. He said Sal claims he had a 3.9 but he got a 3.5 for one semester.
Howard said then in the fall of 1992 he got another 3.5 that semester before dropping out. He said the rest of the semesters were 0.0. He said he dropped out and never graduated. He said Sal finished his time at the school with a 2.3 GPA.
Howard asked Sal why he lies about his GPA. Sal said he thought it was a 3.9. Howard said it's actually a 2.3. Sal said he's factoring in all the years. Howard said he only demanded 2 classes a semester and that's very light. He said it would take 50 years to graduate with that. He said that if you call the school and asked what his GPA is it was just a 2.3. Sal said that's if you divide it all up. He said if he continued on it would have been a 3.5. He said he can get a 3.5. Robin said he all he did was pass a few classes. She said he was nowhere near graduating. She asked where his x-ray tech was. Sal said he was on his way. He said he pulled a 3.5. He said that's not lost. He said that he was more focused as time went on. Howard said when people ask what your record is then you say what. Sal said none of your fucking business. He said how about he asks what their GPA is.
Howard said the reason he calls him out is because this is like stolen valor. He said he happens to have graduated Magna Cum Laude or something like that. He said when he goes around claiming he was a 3.9 that's like saying you were a straight A student. Sal said he had a 3.5. He said that's only .4 off. Howard said it's like stolen valor. He said if you're going to lie about it then say he went to Princeton or something. Sal said he's just going to say he doesn't discuss that.
Howard said they hired Sal at K-Rock and they had this thing where if you hired a writer they have to prove they have a college degree. He said he's not sure how he got in the door. Sal said no one asked about that. He said he just sat there making fun of Gary and they hired him. Howard said Sal had a 2.3 GPA. Sal said in the end it was a 3.5. Robin said the whole thing has to count. Howard said if he was only taking 2 classes he was going to take forever to graduate. Sal said he was just getting his feet wet. He said college was new to him. He said he was testing the waters one class at a time. Howard said he tested the waters and drowned.
Howard took a call from a woman who said they're selling Sal short. She said this is impressive for a turtle. Howard played a song parody for Sal where they have him not knowing answers to a lot of things.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Ronnie will come back to New York after a short time in Vegas. Howard said when they do come back from break Ronnie will be in Vegas. He said they'll get an update from him out there if he hasn't melted by then.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Sal used to claim he was friends with the Beastie Boys. Howard said he was just the president of their fan club. Sal said that's right but he did get to meet them. He said he wasn't good friends. He said he was bullshitting back then trying to impress. He said he wasn't good friends but he did meet them. Howard thanked the guy for pointing that out.
Howard read some feedback about the song. He did get some positive feedback. He said someone suggested that they do a rock version of it. He said they did that. He played that version of the song. He said you get the idea. Robin said they need it to be harder than that.
Howard said that King of All Blacks called in yesterday and played some audio of his daughter Charli singing. He said many people were turned off to him. He read some of that feedback. There was a lot of positive for Charli and a lot of negative about King. Howard said people were upset with him saying that he wanted to make money from his kid. Howard said back in 2009 King was thinking about how to make money off of her when she was just 4 years old. He said he has some tape of that. Howard played a clip of King talking about his daughter being on Nickelodeon. He wondered if he can borrow money from her if he's her manager.
Howard said she didn't get the part so that might be good because all of her money would be gone now. He said that King said that his daughter writes her own music and he sent in a song called ''Charli's My Name'' but it's about being daddy's little girl. Howard played some of the song and she was signing about being daddy's little girl.
Howard said that's daddy's little work horse. Robin said that's more impressive than what they played yesterday. Howard said she's going to have a song about how to get away from her daddy next. Howard made up a song about that.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he did that last night. He said he and his wife were watching some show and he was looking at his wife's leg and it was making him horny. He said she wears her glasses and she seems more serious. He said he got horny and he was touching her leg. He said she pulled away but he was persistent and he took her panties off. He said that's the best. He said he smelled them. He said they smelled a little bit like pee or vinegar. Howard asked if he smelled any doody. King said no. He said he's not into that.
Howard said King likes the ammonia smell. King said not that smell. Robin said he likes smells that no one likes. King said you know the smell.
Howard asked if he smells them in front of her. King said he does but she's not into that. He said she gets into the shower and she asks him not to. He said she had them on all day long. He said he loves smelling them. He said he has to beg her to let him do it.
Howard said his daughter should write a song about her daddy smelling panties. King said he'd never tell her about that. He said that she tells him that she wants him to be her manager. He said that she heard the show yesterday and it killed him when he played her stuff. Howard said she has a good voice. Robin said she has a style of her own too. She said that's what you look for. King said he told her not to do the Chitlen circuit. Howard said you do every circuit. He said that's what a good manager would tell her.
King said he likes her style. He said it's not just put on. He said that's her real style. Howard said you can't walk around smelling money. He said you have to do it because you like doing it. He said he gave him his advice already.
King said that he has a question for him. Howard said it's enough already. King said he wants to talk about real estate for a second. He asked which house he owns does he like the best. Howard asked why it matters. He said he likes any house he's in. Howard said he likes wherever he's at. He said he's just happy he has a house. He said leave him alone. He said this fucking guy.
Howard said he didn't want to cut his nails himself. He said 5 minutes later Beth came up and helped him out. He said he thought that was sweet. He said that she came up and did that and he wanted to have bang o'clock. He said he wanted to do it now. He said she didn't have time. He said he said okay but he told her she looks good. He said he asked her to please come and have sex with her husband. He said that she ended up leaving the room. He said he understands. He said that he told her that he was jealous of the cats. He said he needed some attention. He said he was going to tell her that he was suicidal but didn't do it.
Howard said he did some work and about 10 minutes into that Beth came back and said she felt bad so lets go. He said that was perfect. He said she felt bad so it was time. He said he was doing work but he ended up doing it. He said he wasn't going to turn that down.
Howard said it's not bang o'clock it's actually beg o'clock. He said he does do things around the house to get her to notice that he's doing something. Robin said he could be leaving notes around the house or something. Howard said he has done that too. He said they had fun. He said he delivered the goods. He said Robin knows he can do that.
Howard said he has never seen his wife go doody. He said that he has seen her sitting on the bowl peeing or something but that's about it. He said he's been with her for 22 or 23 years now. He said he's not sure how she pulls it off but that's what's going on. He said that she's never seen him doody either. He said she may have found some doody in the toilet bowl but that's about it. He said he's not sure if she's telling the truth about that or not.
Howard said the a couple of months ago he heard Beth in the bathroom and she was farting like crazy. He said he figured she was just letting it all loose. He said it was like 22 years of holding it in coming out all at once. He said he couldn't believe it. He said he was going to do the mature thing and not say anything. He said they got into bed and they were going to watch TV. He said that was about 15 minutes after she was in the bathroom. He said he felt good for her getting it all out but he figured she had a problem. He said she was ripping it like a dude. He said that she isn't so dainty. He said that it was really loud farts. He said that it was horrible. He said he was going to call Robin over it.
Howard said what he did was put it out of his mind and set the TV up. He said she did her thing in bed and got ready for bed. He said he turned the TV on and she said that she texted something. He said it turns out she had sent him a video of guys farting in public. He said that's what he heard in the bathroom. He said that wasn't her. He said he told her he had called his lawyer to get out of the marriage. He said that he was so happy about that. He said he cried because he was so happy it wasn't her. Howard said it was crazy. He said he has so much to tell Robin. He said he has to take a break. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and sang along with the Billy Joel song. He said that might be his best song. He said people ask why it's named that. He said Billy wrote it thinking about a grandfather telling a grandchild about the lights going out on Broadway. He said he's not sure where he read that. He said Gerald Ford told New York City to drop dead once. He said Billy Joel was living in L.A. and moved back to New York after hearing that. He said that he was going to go down with the city if that was the case. Howard said Billy wasn't far off with the 2017 thing. He said it was 2020 when the lights went out again.
Howard said yesterday they talked to High Pitch Erik about jerking off to Donnie Wahlberg. He said they played the clips of Chris Wilding and Erik having phone sex. He said that generated a lot of fan feedback. He read through some of that. People were disgusted by the phone sex stuff.
Howard said people wrote in about his painting that they posted. He said people are wondering what he does with his paintings. He said that he saves them. He said he has some hanging in the house. He said that he's saving them so he has a collection.
Howard said Ronnie's move is generating a lot of feedback. He read through some of that. He said people were writing in about how hot it is out there. One guy said it was 103 degrees at 6am. Howard said Ronnie's move is fascinating to the world.
Howard said he has a clip of the local news in Vegas talking about Ronnie. He played the clip and they had a story about going out in the heat and the guys had edited in clips of Ronnie talking about how hot it is out there.
Howard said there is good news today. He said the high will be only 98. He said they had temperatures over 100 for the whole week before.
Howard read some feedback about how he isn't willing to see Ronnie before he leaves. Howard said he's not seeing anyone. He said that he will see Ronnie. He said they have a plan for August. He read some feedback from people who were saying he should let him take one more pass by the SiriusXM studio. Robin said maybe they should all do that like a funeral procession.
Howard said there's a lot of discussion about Ronnie and moving to Vegas. He said he's going to spend the rest of his days in the heat out there. He said he's not sure he sees him out there. He said he went there with Ronnie a couple of times and all he did was complain. He said he's not sure where this all came out of. He said someone must have showed him a good time out there.
Howard said they did a social experiment about Ronnie. He said a bunch of the guys were talking about if Ronnie died would any of the guys try to fuck Stephanie. Howard said Ronnie must want to know about that. Ronnie said he does.
Howard said they called the guys to find out what they would do if they were going to come on to her. He said most of the guys were right on the money and said that they wouldn't fuck her. He said most of the guys love Ronnie too much. He said there was only one person who got into fucking her. He asked who they would guess it would be. Robin guessed it was Sal. Ronnie agreed. Howard said they'll be shocked.
Howard had some audio to play. First up was Richard being appropriate with fake Stephanie who was being played by a guy. Richard said he has to go and take care of his kids.
Next up was Gary Dell'Abate. He said that he's a real friend. Howard played the clip and Gary was playing along with fake Stephanie and said that he has to leave. He said he can't stay because he's married and he's not going to fuck his good friend's widow. Fake Stephanie kept asking Gary to stay and comfort her but Gary said he has to leave.
Howard said she was wet for crying out loud. He said that must make Ronnie feel good. Ronnie said yeah.
Howard said now he's going to play JD. He asked if he was the traitor. Robin said maybe he'll let Ronnie down. Ronnie said he hopes it's not JD but who knows. He said he's afraid that he'll be blasting her ass. Howard played the clip and JD said he had to leave when Fake Stephanie asked him to stay. JD told her to get out of there. He said this is not right. He said that he would give her a kiss on the cheek but if she kisses him on the lips he's out of there. Then he said he would spend the night but not in her bed. Then Fake Stephanie said that she wants to blow him. JD said no way. He said maybe just a shoulder rub. When Fake Stephanie said she was going to play with herself JD said he was out the door.
Howard said JD did not let him down. Ronnie said he's in the house though. He slept in the fuckin' house. JD said it was a woman in emotional distress so he stayed for the right reasons.
Howard said those three guys were good. He said he has more guys he could play tape of who said no. He said there was one who went right in for it. He said it wasn't Sal. He said he was honorable. He asked who it could be. Ronnie said Will Murray. Howard asked Robin who she thinks it is. Robin said it might be Ralph. Howard said he's not sure if they asked Ralph about it. Robin asked who else it could be. She said it can't be Fred. Fred said he would have her over to their house if she was that lonely.
Howard said it's not Fred. Robin asked about Jon Hein. Howard said he is very big and can overpower a woman. Howard said it was actually Benjy who was the traitor. He said this is unbelievable. He played the clip and Benjy was playing with Fake Stephanie who asked him to stay there and give her a hug. She said his body feels nice. She asked for a kiss and Benjy said no at first but then Fake Stephanie said just one kiss on the mouth. Benjy kissed her and then she asked him to put his hand down her pants. Benjy said she was so wet and hot. He said it felt good down there. He asked if she wanted his cock inside her. He even asked if Ronnie would be okay with that. Howard said that wasn't bad acting. He said he wasn't that good on the soap opera he was on.
Howard said Ronnie wasn't even in the ground yet and he was messing around with Stephanie. Howard played a clip of Benjy in Sharknado screaming his lines. Howard said he's completely out of his mine in that.
Benjy said the chances he'd be in Vegas for this aren't that good. Howard said Ronnie would be buried there in New York. Ronnie said he'd be buried out in Vegas. Benjy said it would be a long time from now. Howard said lets say that he dies next year. He said he'd be there. Benjy said he thinks that he'd be weirded out but the horniness might overwhelmed that. Howard said he'll leave it at that.
Benjy asked if they believe what all of the guys said. Howard said not at all. They didn't think Sal could resist.
Howard asked how much weight Benjy has lost. He said he looks good. Benjy said about 25 pounds in the last year. Howard said Benjy claims that he's training for the marathon so he's walking and running. He said he's doing a 30 minute mile. Howard said that's crazy. Benjy said that he did it a little faster when he just walked it. He said that he doesn't know what's going on. Howard said he goes for a walk and does a mile in about 20 minutes. Ronnie said he does 50 minutes and does 19 and a half minute miles.
Robin said that even walking you can do a mile in 14 minutes. Howard said 30 minutes is like crawling.
Howard said Stephanie heard this and wants to say something. He took a call from Fake Stephanie who said that she really wants to be with Benjy. Howard said there it is. He said good impression.
Howard said next time they're on Ronnie should be out in Vegas. Ronnie said hopefully. He said they still don't have a closing date. He said he just wants to get out there. He said he's living out of boxes right now. He said you can't wait for the last minute. He said he likes to get things done. He said he cleaned things out of the house and got rid of a bunch of stuff. He said the house echoes because they took so much out.
Howard took a call from fake Dan Rather who was reporting from outside Ronnie's house. He said it appears to be nearly empty and not a blow up dragon in the lawn. He said that they have boxes marked as ''Free, please take'' with race car toys and thick, long rubber objects. He said it appears they may be dildos scattered across the streets. He said he sees dried fecal matter on them. He said there are also Matchbox toys on the road and people can't believe this is the same person who owns all of that. He said there's also a cool breeze blowing there unlike where he's moving to. He said he sees a sun bleached NASCAR flag hanging from the house. Ronnie said he actually took that down.
Howard played a song parody about Ronnie's move to Vegas. He said that was a good song. Robin said he can eat outside every night in that song. Robin said he's going to burn himself on the sidewalk. Howard asked if he thinks he can eat outside in the summer out there. He said he's going to live in the desert. He said he hates the heat. Ronnie said it was 95 yesterday there in New York. He said the humidity was so bad you can't even walk outside. He said there's no humidity out there. Robin said she loves that argument. Howard asked what he thinks is going to go on there. Ronnie told him not to worry about it. Howard said alright then. Ronnie said don't you worry and laughed.
Howard said he's going to go visit Benjy and Stephanie out there. He said he's going to Zoom with him every night to see the sweat pouring off his balls while he's eating outside.
Howard said he went to Vegas with Ronnie and he kept complaining about everything. He said it was so dry out there that he wasn't able to keep his lips from getting chapped. Howard played a clip where Ronnie was talking about how hot it was and how he had a sinus problem out there. That was a clip from 2013.
Howard said he remembers that. He said he and his wife wanted to eat outside. He said Ronnie was so miserable out there. He said he had to eat inside. He said he loves the heat and Ronnie hates it. He said he's always complaining about it. He said he thinks Ronnie wants to move to the heat because he loves the heat. He said he never knew Ronnie to love the heat. He said he keeps the air conditioning on all the time. Ronnie said it'll be fine.
Howard said it's so hot there that rattlesnakes are going inside people's homes to get relief from the heat. He said they can't even survive in this intense heat. Robin said Ronnie can. Ronnie said what about the rest of the population there. Howard said forget about them what about Ronnie. Ronnie said don't worry about him.
Howard said between the rattlesnakes and the heat Benjy is going to be fucking Stephanie by December. He said get ready Benjy. He said break out the dildos and porn. Benjy said he loves the ass thing Ronnie does. Ronnie told him to keep dreaming about that. Howard said Ronnie is going to keep living just to be sure Benjy doesn't get her.
Howard said he wants to see a picture of Ronnie beating the rattlesnakes with his dildos. Robin said he can use the Sal and Richard dildos for that. Ronnie said he threw those out.
Howard took a call from Apples who wanted to wish Ronnie luck out there. Apples got on and Ronnie told him to go fuck himself when he told him he'll have to get up at 3 in the morning to get some cool air out there. Apples asked if there are Cracker Barrels out there just in case he has to live in the parking lot. Howard hung up on him after that. He said he thought that would be a nice call.
Howard took a call from a guy from Tennessee. He asked if Howard has ever been there. Howard said he actually was there a few years ago. He said that's where he had to wear the snake boots. He said his wife went on a hike and saw a snake and no one was laughing at his boots after that. The caller said they are definitely there. Howard said he got so goofed on out there. He said he went on vacation with Jimmy, Courteney and all of the cast of Friends. He said he got snake boots and they all laughed at him. He said he wasn't joking about wearing them out there. He said they were at some resort out there. He said a neighbor got bitten by one and he had to get antivenom shots. He said that he could have died from it. He said this snake bit him and when he heard that he wasn't going to risk it and wore those boots. He said no one else was wearing them but he wore them to meals. He said that they're big, sweaty things that you wear up to your knee. He said let them make fun. He said that he ran into this guy who worked there and that guy said he wishes he could wear them but it would scare people. Howard said he wore those things to the pool. He said that he would have worn them in the pool.
Howard asked the caller what he can do for him. The caller said he wanted to tell him he's been listening since he was about 7 years old. He said he's 19 now and he has continued to listen to the show. He said that he used to drive to school and Howard bought a lot of joy to him. He said he's sad to see him take a break for 2 months. Howard said everyone is carrying on but it's just 10 less shows that they're doing per year. the caller said he deserves his rest. Howard said he has him for another 5 years. He said everyone get a grip.
Howard said they have all kinds of shows that they'll be running. He said they're going to be doing the Big Dick Energy show with Medicated Pete. He said he'll give him a preview of that shortly.
Howard said he thinks Ronnie is doing a show. Ronnie said he's giving sex advice with Ralph and Chris Wilding. Howard said he imagines that they'll be giving gay and straight sex. Howard said the show is called Gay, Straight and Who Knows. Howard said Benjy should call in and get some tips from Ronnie.
Howard said he's told that someone else wanted to fuck Stephanie but they didn't want to come forward. He said there was one other person. He said that person just wants to be with her and not let Ronnie know about it. Howard said maybe Sal was the one. Sal said he was a definite no. He said he walked away in that bit.
Howard said he wishes the person would step forward but he respects that. Howard said that person must be afraid of Ronnie and his anger. Ronnie said he'd be flattered. Howard said Benjy was talking about how wet and tight she was.
Howard said they gave Pete an audition to do a show there. He said they told him to come up with stuff. He said they even booked Ice T for the show. He said he had a month to prep for the show but a week before the show he hadn't prepped at all.
Howard played a clip of Pete talking about the little prep he did for this show. He said he had a Wikipedia page for Ice T so far. Then they asked him to come up with a theme song for the show and Pete just made that up on the spot instead of preparing for that. Howard said that makes Benjy look like a model employee.
Howard said the show got off to a rough start. He said the kept asking Ice T ''what's up'' over and over again. He played some of that interview where Pete was asking Ice T what he's been up to. Howard said that went on for a long time.
Howard said he's giving Ice T a medal for that. He said he was so nice about it all. He said that Pete said he wanted to improvise a scene with Ice T. He said Ice T was a nice guy about it. Howard played another clip of him doing that. Pete was playing the part of a guy who was accused or raping someone and he just kept saying he didn't know what to say.
Howard said that he would have admitted to the rape immediately because Ice T sounded so scary. He said then Pete didn't know what to do anymore so his mom got on the microphone and talked to Ice T because she's a big fan of his. Howard said it's all crazy. He played the clip of Pete's mom talking to Ice T. She told him that she's a fan and she's been following him since the 90s. She was going on and on and then Pete kicked her off saying that she just rambles on. Howard said she did more prep than Pete did.
Howard said Pete had to get back to nothing. He said it got weirder and weirder. He said they had to save Ice T. He said Pete was talking about his own acting career that's nonexistent. Robin asked if he was asking how he became and actor. Howard said nothing was happening so they had to stop the show so Ice T could get going.
Howard played a clip of Pete talking to Ice T about his own acting technique. He said it made it more real. They cut Pete off and said that they had to wrap things up. Pete thanked Ice T for coming on and taking the time to do the show.
Howard said all he knows is that Ice T faked an emergency like a woman on a date with Benjy.
Howard said then there was a segment where they freestyle rapped together. He said that they tried to make something out of that. He said it's so ridiculous. He played a clip of the song. Ice T was doing all the rapping.
Howard said after all of that they're going to give Pete another shot. He said in their world this is all fantastic. Robin said it would be a great skit on Saturday Night Live. She said they have a host who just asks the same question over and over.
Howard said Pete has a big shlong and he has shown it to Robin. Howard said this is a promo piece they have for Big Dick Energy with Medicated Pete. He played the promo where Pete talked about his new show.
Howard said that's going to be happening this summer. He said don't let more people listen to that than Ronnie's show. Ronnie said alright. Howard asked if he's okay. Ronnie said he's fine. They had audio of Ronnie counting up from 114 to 117. That's the temperature in Vegas.
Howard played the clip of Mike talking to Fake Stephanie. In that clip Mike was going along with Fake Stephanie and making out with her. He said she was about to flood this place.
Howard asked Mike why he didn't come forward. Mike said he isn't afraid of Ronnie. He said the guy who was producing the bit asked him if he would go to the funeral and all of that. He said then he works into the sex thing. He said he was rolling with the bit. He said that he just asked if he would fuck Ronnie's wife. He said he thought about it and he didn't think that he would fuck his friend's wife. Howard said all he knows is that he was in the room with Stephanie and he pounded the fuck out of her. Mike said he thinks that if someone had to do it then he'd want him to do it. Howard asked if Ronnie would want someone to do it, who would it be. Ronnie thought about it. Howard said Mike has huge arms and he's a big guy. He said that he would probably fuck like a wild man too. Mike said Ronnie is his buddy so he's not going to do that. Howard said he pounds a woman hard he's sure. Mike said he can say that.
Howard said he's sure Mike isn't taking anything up his ass like Ronnie. Mike said no way. He said he was surprised when Ronnie revealed all of that. He said he and Ronnie have a lot in common and he thinks he'd be okay with him doing that.
Howard said Ronnie did get hypnotized to be a woman and said he was attracted to Mike.
Ronnie said he was thinking about the guy he'd want to do Stephanie. Howard said he thinks that Mike would give it to her so hard. Ronnie said he's not sure he has a cock if he has arms that big. He said he might be juicing up. Mike said no, no. He said he's not juicing. Ronnie said he's not juicing like he's not going to a tanning booth.
Howard said Robin must think about Mike. Robin said she can imagine him pounding girls hard. She said of course he does.
Howard said the way he got Fake Stephanie on his lap right away is crazy. Mike said he just didn't want Ronnie thinking that was the way things would go.
Howard asked if Mike has it right. Ronnie said he never said that. He said he doesn't have an answer to that. He said according to her she'd never do any of the guys on the show. Howard said you have to pick someone. Ronnie said that she'd never put up with Benjy's shtick. Mike said JD is married but maybe him. Robin asked if she'd like Mike. Ronnie said she thinks he sees him too much of a playboy type and he'd move on to the next deal. Howard asked if he would be that way. Mike said he'd be good to her. He said she's a sweetheart. He said he could be her boyfriend. He said she's a keeper. Howard asked if he can wait until after the funeral.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he doesn't get how it's wrong for someone to get with Stephanie if Ronnie is dead. Mike said that's how he was thinking.
Gary said that it wasn't just that they're hooking up with her but it's at the funeral. He said that's what it was about. Mike said it is fucked up to do Ronnie like that. Howard said he practically came on the casket coming on so strong.
Howard said he doesn't want anyone fucking Beth when he dies. He said that she's going to throw herself in the box with him. Ralph said that's not going to happen. He said he just doesn't think it's a bad thing in general.
Robin said it's not unheard of for a widow to end up with a friend. Howard said that's what happened on ''This is Us.'' He told Robin about what happened on the show. He said he thought it was a scumbag move. He said that Benjy and Mike are like Hunter Biden. He said they move right in.
Howard said he would never do that with a friend's wife. He said lets say it's Jimmy who dies and Molly comes on to him. He said he likes her but there's no way he's doing that. He said he'd never do that to a friend. He said he has a code he lives by.
Howard said he's team Jack with ''This is Us.'' He said he doesn't like this guy Miguel.
Howard said they all saw what Mike did. He said he asked her to get on the bed and suck him a little bit first. Howard did his impression of Mike and had him going through all of that. Howard said this dude turned into early man and just took her down to the river and entered her.
Howard said Ronnie wasn't even cold yet and Mike is with Stephanie. He said that he probably stepped on a toy car in the house. Howard was doing his Mike voice during all of that. Mike said he's sorry.
Howard said Mike did what he had to do. Robin said it happens. Howard said Benjy has a wide cock too. He said that he might open her up more. Benjy said that Ronnie kept her tight.
Howard did more of his Mike voice and had him talking about drinking his booze with Stephanie.
Howard asked Mike how big he is. Mike said he's average. Howard had him bending Stephanie over Ronnie's NASCAR tire. Howard said this is what can happen. He said just stay healthy and stay out of the sun. Ralph wished him luck with that. He said the average for the temperature out there this month is 98. Howard said he's going to miss Ronnie. He said it'll be exciting when they come back he'll be out in Vegas. He said he might be home by then. He said that's unless Benjy and Mike have their way. Mike said he'd never do that unless Ronnie gave him his blessing.
Ronnie told Benjy to give up now. He said he knows for sure that won't happen. Howard said Benjy can wear a girl down. He said he saw him with Anna Nicole Smith.
Fake George Takei knocked on the door and came in asking if Mike would perform fellatio on him if Brad dies. He said that his musculature is so voluminous. He rang the bell and told Brad to hurry up and die. He said he wanted to give Mike a pearl necklace.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said mike is amazing and he's sexy. Howard asked if he's the right guy to fuck Stephanie. Mariann said absolutely. She said he's honest and tells the truth. She said she's blushing. Mike asked if she thinks that he'd really do that to Ronnie. Mariann said that she loves him. Howard said thank you and was about to hang up on her.
Ronnie asked Mariann why she doesn't hook her daughter up with Mike. Mariann said that she thinks about it all the time. She said she'd be with Mike if she were 32. Howard asked if he'd try to fuck Mariann if her husband died. Mike said no. He said her daughter is cute. Howard said he's never seen her. Benjy said she was on the show once.
Howard asked Mike if he dates a lot. Mike said he has been. Howard asked if it's the dynamic personality that gets the girls. George said that he wants to hear him say musculature. Mike did that and Fake George asked Bread to go out and play with a rattlesnake.
Ronnie said Benjy is a weird guy. He said that they did the dinner last week and he got a call from Benjy after they had their meeting. He said Benjy asked if he could come by for the thing they had going on. He said he told him to come by and then told him who would be there. He said Benjy said he thought it was a walk around with a lot of people. He said he didn't want to come when he found out it was just a small gathering.
Benjy said it's humiliating to explain. He said they were talking about it with Sal at a microphone check. He said he was there and wanted to get himself into it. He said he knew he wasn't invited to it and it was embarrassing. Howard said he doesn't get girls because he wipes his nose with his hand the whole time. He said he has to stop that.
Howard took a call from one of the guys who was doing a voice of a girl who said she had sex with Mike and his log like penis. Howard said she sounds like Fake Stephanie. He said she has the same voice.
Howard asked Mike if he really leaves these women that he dates. Ronnie said that he fucked this girl and left her shortly after. Mike said it just kind of fizzled away.
Howard took a call from Janet in Florida who said that one of the things she wanted to bring up is that she was just in Vegas and she could not be outside for more than 10 minutes. He said she's from Florida and she wasn't able to stay out. She also said the whole funeral thing happened to her with her ex-boyfriend. She said his brother hit on her within 2 weeks of the funeral. Howard asked if she's hot. She said Howard thinks she is. She said she's called in before. Howard asked what her boyfriend died from. She said he died in a motorcycle accident. Howard asked if the brother was at the funeral. She said he was and she had never met him before. She said she had a low cut V dress on. She said that you could see her chest.
Howard asked Janet how the brother got in touch. She said they were going to do a motorcycle memorial ride and she ended up riding with him. She said this was before he hit on her. She said she was on the back of the motorcycle. She said that she had to put her arms around him. Howard asked what she was wearing on that. She said she had jeans and a top on with boots. She said she was very appropriate with that.
Howard asked what happened next. Janet said that all happened and then he was checking on her and he would text her every day. She said it was right before Christmas time. She said he would send naughty Santa outfits that he thought she'd look good in. She said that he would say that he missed his brother and things like that. She said then he was talking about snuggling with her.
Howard did his impression of Mike and had him talking to Stephanie again but using the whole Mrs. Santa outfit thing. He had Mike asking Stephanie to dress up in a bunny outfit at Easter too.
Howard said that's an unbelievable story. Janet said she knows. She said it was within 2 weeks of the funeral that he was going hard. She said that it was sad. Howard asked what she's wearing now. Janet said she's on her way to work with a skirt and top on with heels. Ronnie asked what a professional skirt is. She said it's above the knee and fitted.
Benjy asked how long Janet waited to have sex with anyone. She said they were already broken up when he passed. Benjy asked if this is the girl who has sex with everyone. Howard said she has called in with a lot of stories. Ronnie said maybe she should hook up with Mike. She said no but asked how tall he is. Mike said he's almost 6 foot. She said she just started seeing someone and she does like tall guys.
Howard thanked Janet for the call. She told Howard to have a great vacation. Howard let her go.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who asked if Ronnie is his favorite staff member ever. Howard said he loves Ronnie. He said he's not sure if he's number 1. Howard thought about that for a minute. He said there's a lot of people there that he loves. He said Ronnie is very dear to him. He said he loves him so much that if he were single he'd fuck Stephanie.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression and then did his Mike Pearlman impression. He said in 1999 this week they let him upstairs for the first time. Howard said he almost fired Ronnie that day. Sour did his Ronnie voice and then did more of his Gary voice. Howard asked Sour Gary if he's part of the core four there. Sour Gary said he is. He was rambling about his longevity on the show. Howard said this is unbelievable how he has so much history there. He said that he may have another book in him. Sour Gary was going on and on about his history there.
Sour went into his Jackie impression and told some jokes. He told Howard how he was going to leave the show to go punch up scripts. Howard asked him for a joke to end the show on. He had one about the new Chinese outlaw named Wuhan Luke. He had a couple more goofy jokes that he told Howard. Then he broke into his Artie impression and told some stories about Ronnie and Mike Pearlman and gambling.
Howard thanked Sour for the walk down memory lane. He said what a busy show they had today. He said he has to do a commercial. He did a live commercial read.
Howard said he ash a lot more respect for Mike than he does for Simon. Simon told him to shut up you hunchback Goliath. Howard said that was a good one. They went back and forth insulting each other for a couple of minutes.
Howard let Simon go and said he doesn't like that guy. He said he was going to play Kidney Stone or Porn game.
Howard said it's actually called Kidney Stone or Getting Boned. He said Ronnie has had kidney stones. Ronnie said he has. Robin said Gary did too. Ronnie said he found himself on the floor in his living room and didn't know how he got there from the pain.
Howard asked if that was worse than the shit impacted in his ass. Ronnie said that was easy to fix. He said the kidney stone lasted 2 weeks before he passed it. He said one minute you'd be in pain but then it would move and get to a spot where it didn't hurt. He said then you'd think you passed it. He said 5 minutes later you're doubled over in pain.
Howard said that Ronnie faked a kidney stone pain for them. He played a clip of him faking it. Ronnie said he actually polled the stone out of his cock at K-Rock. He said he brought it into the studio and it was the size of a pistachio nut. He said he had to pull it out because it was stuck in the head of his cock. Howard said the stuff he's lived through. He said he's pulled shit out and a kidney stone. Ronnie said he curled up in the car and went to sleep that day. He said it was terrible.
Howard said Gary had a stent put in his peen. Ronnie said he was able to pass his himself. Howard asked when he last had one. Ronnie said it was 1999. Howard asked if he just drank more water. Ronnie said he stopped drinking caffeine and iced tea. He said he has had it like once or twice since then. He said you can eat vegetables to keep from getting them. He said he doesn't remember what they are though. He said he kind of gave up on that. Gary said he takes a pill to keep the liquids flowing. He said when he had it he got into this thing of drinking a lot of diet iced teas a day. He said he stopped that and it was the end of the kidney stones. Gary said he had the stent put in and he was knocked out for it. Howard said he's killing him.
Howard played more of Ronnie reenacting the whole kidney stone thing. He said he'd want to be knocked out if he was in that much pain. Ronnie said you don't know where it is or when it's going to move. He said you think it's gone and then the pain comes back.
Howard said this is Kidney Stone or Getting Boned. He played a theme song for the game. He said this first one is a test. He played a clip of a woman and Robin guessed it was a kidney stone. Benjy said that's someone getting boned. Mike said the same. Howard asked fake George. He said getting boned too. Howard said it's actually a woman with a kidney stone.
Howard played another clip where a guy was making odd noises. Robin said boning. Mike said passing a stone. George said he's getting fellatio. Howard played the clip which was a guy moaning in pain with a kidney stone.
Howard played another clip with a woman moaning in pain saying ''Oh my god.'' Robin said getting boned. Benjy agreed. George said he thinks passing a stone. Mike said getting boned. Howard played the full clip and it was a woman with a kidney stone. Robin said there's not much difference between the two sounds.
Howard played another one where a woman was moaning. Howard said that has to be sex. Robin said she thinks so. It was a woman having sex.
Benjy asked Ronnie if it ever blocks your semen from coming out. Ronnie said no. He said he did jerk off at a point where he thought he had passed it but it was in a spot where it wasn't hurting at the time.
Howard played another clip of a guy moaning. Robin said that's a stone. They all agreed. Howard played the full clip and it was a porn clip of a guy jerking off in an elevator.
Howard played another clip of a guy moaning. Benjy said that's a stone. Mike said a stone. Robin said the same. George said that's Brad on the toilet. Howard played the clip and it was a guy in the hospital with a kidney stone.
Howard said that he sounds like Cousin Brucie. He said there you go. Ronnie said he went to the hospital because he was in so much pain. He said he got Demoral and ended up picking dust off the ceiling from being so fucked up from that.
Howard took another call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression talking about his kidney stone looking like chocolate. Howard hung up on him in the middle of that bit.
Howard wrapped things up with Ronnie and said he really doesn't want him to go. He asked Benjy when he got some. Benjy said recently actually. He said it wasn't full blown sex. He got a hand job. He said a girl waved to him when he was running. Ronnie asked why he can't just answer. He said it's always a secret. Benjy said sometimes girls you see don't want you to answer. Howard said he can't have a conversation with him. He ended the show around 10:50am.