Howard started the show talking about how he has no memory of Jon Hein coming in for the first time. He asked Jon what that was. He said he came in for something. Jon said they had heard about his Jump the Shark web site. He said they went through a bunch of stuff and he came back in a few times after that and he was a recurring guest. Howard said he was really thought out about shows that had jumped the shark. He said it was good. He said he's a really opinionated guy and he figured he should be on radio. Robin said it took a while to get him.
Howard said Jon got a job there and then he sold his web site to TV Guide. He said he has never disclosed what he sold it for. Jon said that was part of the deal. He said he can't say what he got for it. Howard said what's amazing about that is that they bought the web site and did nothing with it and it withered on the vine. Jon said it was so frustrating. He said he had meetings with them about it and tried to help them with it for the first year. He said they didn't have anyone there working on it full time and they just buried it.
Howard asked why it is that they'd do that and let the site die. He said it's weird. Robin said sometimes they don't know what to do with them. Howard said just pay Jon a salary and let him do it. Jon said he thinks they wanted the audience he had. He said he's not sure why they didn't want to keep them. He said he thought they were going to add clips to it but they decided not to do that.
Howard said now if you go to JumpTheShark.com it brings you to TV Guide. He wondered who would go to Jump the Shark now though. Jon said his visitors were upset because they really liked the site. He said there were great arguments on the site about the shows. He said he thought it served them well.
Howard asked if TV Guide is still a thing. Jon said he thinks so. He said that it went to a large format after being a small format. He said he used to read that thing when he was a kid. He said you can get TV information anywhere now. He said back then it was the best way to see what was on. He said he doesn't know what happened.
Howard asked Jon about the TV show pilot he had for his site. He asked who hosted the game show. Jon said it was hosted by Greg Fitzsimmons. He said it was him and Kathy Griffin. He said it was a major pilot. He said it was between that and Dr. Phil as to which one would make it on air. He said King World chose Dr. Phil.
Howard asked how the show worked. Jon said they had a format where they would guess what it was that people said made a show jump the shark. He said they had another round where you listed how someone or something had jumped the shark.
Howard asked Jon if he thinks he could have made more money in the long run if he had held on to it. Jon said absolutely he could have. He said selling it at that time was the right decision though. He said he had started working for the show and he was busy with the Princeton Review. Howard asked how he got that job at the Princeton Review. Jon said he was the marketing guy there and he had sent in something to get him the job. He said that they liked him and he moved up the ranks there. He said he knew how to market to people so he moved up.
Howard asked if people move up from SAT prep. Jon said they do. He said you have to put into it though. Howard said he didn't put into it and he didn't do better. He said he wasn't breaking a thousand and he remembers going to it and never cracked a book. He said he doesn't believe that he ever studied for an exam. He said he's not sure how he graduated. He said he just kind of coasted by. He said a guy would let him copy off an exam and he relied on the kindness of strangers.
Howard said he didn't understand the concept of filling his head with shit. He said he never came to an understanding on his own. He said now he wishes he could go back and do it all over again. Jon said that what the Princeton Review did was teach you how to take a test. He said that's what helped it be so successful. He said you can make a lot from tutoring.
Howard said he thought that Stanley Kaplan was going to teach you the answers. He said he had no idea what it was really about. Jon said so many parents believed that if you signed your kids up for one of these classes that's all they had to do. Howard said that's what his parents thought. He said they had some kids in school who went to do that stuff and they went up. He said he took the test and went down 100 points. He said his parents never even said anything about it. He said they just thought he was an idiot.
Jon said you have to do the work if you want to go up. He said if you're not willing to do the work it's not going to help. Howard said he remembers getting tips on how to take the test. He said he was going to play the odds and figure out how to get a better score. He said he was bound to go up a few points but he went down. Howard said he thinks he had a 900 and his worst was like a 700.
Robin said you have to make sure you fill in the oval. Jon said that was actually a problem. He said some kids weren't able to fill it in. Jon said the other thing is that the first questions are the easiest ones. He said they didn't listen to the advice on what to do. Howard said he just listen to the basics and didn't do the studying. He said he paid for the free information.
Jon said you had to pace yourself for the test because it was so long. Howard said he remembers losing it rapidly. He said he may have gotten high for his second test. He said that didn't work. He said it was just terrible looking around the room and seeing the kids buried in their books.
Howard said he remembers Dr. Lou telling him about missing an answer. He said he remembers other kids coming out and talking about the questions they answered and he didn't remember them. He said he may have skipped some of those.
Howard said he would answer with C because they say that's statistically the correct answer for many of the questions. He said that didn't help him out either. He said he didn't care about the test. He said he went to see the guidance counselor and that was dismal. He said he went in with his mom for that. He said he didn't want to go in with her but she went everywhere with him.
Howard said he applied to an all girls school that had just started taking boys. He said he knew that would be horrible. He said the only thing he had on his brain was vagina but he didn't want to go there. He said that it was only overweight women and other girls who were out of it that would come to the parties he went to. He said he once went to a party for two headed women and he was rejected. He said both heads threw up.
Howard said they suggested that he become a speech therapist. He said that he had failed all science classes and he didn't think that would work for him. He said the guidance counselor told him to just buckle down. He said they told him about this program at Boston University that might work for him. He said it was two years of classes for idiots. He said it was called CBS, College of Basic Studies. He said you had to wear a bag over your head when you went to those classes. He said that he'd meet a girl there and tell her what classes he was in and they'd run for the hills. He said they knew you were an idiot when they heard that.
Robin said that Lou was in medical school. Howard said that Lou went into medical school right out of high school and he was his roommate while he was in basic studies. He said he was the reject in that whole scenario. He said Lou was getting chicks.
Howard said he had to prove himself and he'd ask Lou how to do these math problems. He said Lou would look at him and ask if he really didn't know how to do them. He said that he'd rattle off how to do the math problems. He said he only asked once. He said he never asked again.
Howard said he did graduate with high honors somehow. He said that he didn't know what was happening there. Jon said the only thing the SAT measures is how you take the test. Howard said it measures more. Jon said it really doesn't. Howard said it measured how big an idiot he was. He said he had no success anywhere.
Robin said this year they're waiving all of that. She said he could have gone to Harvard this year. Howard said then he'd just have to explain his grades. He said he'd have to explain that he went to school in Roosevelt.
Howard asked how they're doing away with the SAT. Jon said they're going to look at the grades and things like that. He said he thinks that's a better way of doing things.
Howard said he remembers walking into the CBS building. He said that's where the jocks were. He said it was like a walk of shame. He said he's just glad he had somewhere to go. Robin said he just needed time to mature. Howard said it was great fun. He said he matured. He said boy did he mature. He said it was excellent maturation.
Howard said once a girl saw you walk into that building they knew. He said he told one girl that he tutored there. Robin said that's a great movie he could do. She said that he's in love with a brilliant girl and that's how he has to hide it. Howard said he had that happen in real life. He said he knew a girl who was a stunner and whenever he saw her walking into the building he'd walk in with her. He said it worked and he got laid from that. He said for a week he was dating a girl who was the hottest on campus. He said she dumped him when she found out that girl was just his friend.
Howard said a girl might want to go out with you when they see you out there with a girl like that. He said that they just think you're stupid when they see you going go that class.
Howard said he was the total package. He had small brain and small penis so he had a lot to offer. He said his life is a fucking disaster. Robin said he's finishing strong. Howard said at least he's doing that.
Howard said Lionel said he started out with him as a joke. He said he didn't started out with him. He said Ryan didn't get the joke either. He had the audio to play. Howard played the clip where Ryan and Lionel talked about him.
Howard said Lionel looks great. Robin said they had him one week on a special area on the show. Howard said he had been exposed to COVID that week so they kept him separate. Howard said they had Paula Abdul on that week because Luke Bryan was exposed to COVID. He said he was back the next night. He said it was back a week later. He said that's not how it works. He said he's not sure what was going on. He said he's not sure what's going on over there.
Howard said the one he thinks should win is Cassie something. He said he wrote her name down. Robin said they can not sing on that show. Howard said some sing okay. He said this girl is heavy set. Robin said some of them aren't even cruise ship material. Howard said they had the band leader from Stephen Colbert's show, Jon Batiste and he's so fucking talented. He said that's why he is who he is and that's why the kids aren't that.
Howard said this kid Cassie Bishop is the girl he's thinking of. Robin said she can't sing. She said that she had a nice voice but she can't sing. Howard said she can. Robin said they have nice voices but they can't sing. Howard said she could go somewhere. Robin said right back home. Howard said Robin is being very difficult.
Howard said that they all say the same thing on American Idol. He said Lionel is the real deal. He said he has written a lot of hit songs. He said he's credible. He said that he was reading about how they put the outtakes of ''We Are the World'' on the internet. He said it's about a half hour long and Lionel is trying to corral all of these singers. He said the guy is a true genius. He said he's sure it's weird for him to see these kids singing and he can't tell them its time to go home. He said he knows what it's like to be the mean guy. He said he was honest but sometimes he wasn't. He said that he didn't want to be the one to push a kid over the edge. He said some of the kids will jump out a window.
Robin said she's not sure what Bobby Bones is doing on that show at all. Howard said he's glad she said that. He said he has a montage of clips about that. He said he's a mentor on the show. He said this guy plays country music or something. He said that they syndicate the guy and he does very well with his show. He said he's not sure what his talent is. He said his job is to get the kids ready to sing. He said he gives them an honest appraisal and what it is they can do to improve. He said it's fucking nuts. He said that he never gives feedback to the kids. He said he seems to just tell them to ''be yourself.'' He said that's nothing. He said he tells them all the same thing. He said he tells the kids to just let the judges see who they are.
Howard said this is a montage of Bobby Bones telling the kids all of that. He played a clip of Bobby doing the same thing with everyone.
Howard said Nikki Glaser fell for that guy and blew him. Robin said that's right. Howard said Nikki told a great story about blowing him somewhere like back stage at Dancing with the Stars. He said how classy. He said then he was kind of done with her. He said here was no magic there.
Howard said he's thinking that Bobby Bones will take over if Ryan leaves the show. He said that he has nothing else to offer these contestants. Howard played more of the montage where Bobby was doing the same thing with the contestants.
Howard said he's sure the guy isn't happy with all of that either. He said he's just waiting for this Ryan Seacrest guy to leave the show.
Howard said his job is to stand back stage and watch the judges reaction. He said they had John Stamos on last night filling in for Bobby. He said it was a special Disney edition so they were all singing Disney songs. He said those songs are horrible. He John has some musical background. He said he just told the kids to do what they're doing. He said Bobby Bones just tells them to go be themselves whatever that means.
Howard said his advice is to just go connect with everyone in America because that's possible. He said he's sure if you got him high you could get him to talk about what's really going on there. He said that he does what they do and bullshits into a microphone.
Howard said he remembers being on America's Got Talent and they'd have a magician come on and he'd get fooled by the simplest things. He said that he'd pretend he knew how the tricks were done. He said the other judges would ask if he knew and he'd lie and say he did.
Howard said they had Piff the Magic Dragon on and he thought he was really good with his tricks. He said he didn't know how they were done. He said he has his own show and he's kind of made it. He said he wrote him an email the other day and he has a TV special coming out with Penn from Penn and Teller. He said the guy is funny as fuck too. He said he's good.
Robin asked if he has any of the John Stamos audio. Howard said no but he has some of the judges all saying the same things to the contestants. He played a clip where all of the judges were saying the same things to the contestants on the show. They repeated themselves a lot with their comments about the contestants. Howard said it's hard. He said there were at least 5 people he would have told they weren't going through. He said they were putting him to sleep. He said you can't be rude though. He said they don't want that anymore. He said that was all from one episode.
Robin said there was one girl who came out and she was so bad and they all stood up for her when she sang. She said the poor girl thought she was really good.
Howard said you wonder who the people are who aren't taking the vaccine. He said they have these whacked out theories about it and we can't achieve this herd immunity because of this. He said the best we're going to be able to do is get it down to people just getting flu like symptoms. He said we'll never get rid of it. He said some people think they're strong and they can get through it but what about the people who aren't strong and can't get through it.
The caller, Rick, said that he has friends who think that they're going to have nanobots put in them and things like that. He said he had to cut off his friend because of this. He said he thinks that they're winning it in his town and that's what he was saying before. He said he has a very compromised system and Robin inspires him with his battle with cancer. He said he may have it again and Robin inspired him to keep going.
Howard said he has to cut him off for a second. He said his attitude is great and he loves what he's saying but there's a certain amount of the population that won't listen to science. He said they think that people are out to get them and they're paranoid. He said that cutting people out of your life is the right thing to do. He said you can't respect people who are like that.
Robin said she's acting like a prejudiced person for the first time in her lie. She said she will only visit with people who have had the vaccine.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked if he should be able to get on a plane. He said he's struggling with that. Howard asked if there's any question he doesn't struggle with. Bobo said a friend of his died of COVID and he's struggling with the flying thing. Howard said don't worry about it and just don't go to the funeral. He said his friend is dead and won't know. He said that he can release that guilt. He said that funerals are meaningless. He said if you were a friend when he was alive that's what counts. Howard said he wouldn't get on a plane to go to a funeral. He said stop wrestling with yourself. Bobo said it's just been a tough thing.
Howard said try to wrestle away that ridiculous goatee he has. Bobo said he really trimmed it down.
Bobo asked if he heard about Dr. Drew and how he had to dive for cover at the restaurant he was at because there was a shoot out. He said he decided to stay there for dinner. Howard said he would stay too. He said he's still hungry. He said he's not going somewhere else to see another shoot out. Fred did his Bobo Puppet voice and had Bobo sniffing a lot after answering questions.
Howard said he thinks he would stay for dinner if people weren't really shot. Bobo said there were people who were shot out front. He said it wasn't inside. Howard said if it's outside he thinks he'd finish his meal. Howard said Bobo is the worst story teller. He said the story was that he was in a restaurant and there was a shoot out. He said he had to hide under a table but no one was shot. He said now it's people were shot and they're in the hospital. He said now he's saying that he was going to sit outside and they were shot outside.
Bobo said they had the outdoor seating and that's where people were shot. Howard asked Bobo some questions about the shooting. He found out that it was people outside and Dr. Drew was inside. Howard said this is a completely different story than he told at the start of this. Bobo said you don't know where the shooter is. Howard asked where Drew was when this all went down. Bobo said he ran toward the shooting. Howard said he hid under a table. He said you never run toward the shooting. He said you have to watch where the waiters go. He said always keep your back to the wall. He said that's what you do. He said that way you can see the door. He said when you see some action you run to where the waiter is going. He said they know the way out of there. He said don't stand in a huddle so the shooter can take out more people. Robin said you never head in the direction of the commotion.
Jason told Howard he saw that Drew said that he dropped to the floor when he heard the shooting. Howard asked Bobo if he thinks that his comprehension is so low that he gets it all wrong. Bobo said he was good in school. He said he pays attention. Howard said he must have been in the slow class. Bobo said he wasn't. Howard said he has an 80 IQ so he wasn't fast tracked.
Howard read an article about what went on at Peter Luger's. He said that two people outside were shot after an argument had started inside. He said the shooter is in custody. Robin said Bobo had it all wrong. Bobo said that when he read it the shooter was on the loose.
Howard and Fred did their impressions of Bobo and goofed on his story telling ability. Robin said this is like Bobo's 9/11 story that was all about someone dying the next day and it had nothing to do with 9/11.
Howard played a song parody about Bobo being a terrible caller. Bobo said he has a story about crashing his electric scooter. Howard said he has to go. Bobo said he crashed by going off the pavement. He said he had an Apple watch on and it alerted him to having a hard fall and wondered if he wanted to call for medical assistance. He said that he had no idea that it could do that. Robin said the watch is smarter than Bobo. Bobo said he was on an electric scooter. He said it has a head light and a tail light. He said he was on the regular road and he had his son with him and he decided to go on the grass. He said he's 210 pounds and he flew over the top and hit the ground really hard. He said then the watch was buzzing him asking if they should call emergency services.
Howard said the watch said it detected very low brain activity. Robin said she can't wait for them to put that low brain activity into a watch. Howard and Fred did their Bobo impressions and goofed on him about this wreck.
Howard asked why his son knows more about going off road on that thing than Bobo does. Bobo said he has street smarts. He said he shouldn't have done what he did. Howard and Fred kept goofing on him. Howard said when Bobo is done with his story it's all wrong.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he has to pish. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard came back and goofed on Bobo asking why he insists on using big words. Howard said what a great song this is. He said it's from the 90s. He said it's so beautiful. He said what a talent Billy Corgan is.
Howard wondered what Billy is doing now. Robin said he's stuck in a room writing music.
Howard said Ralph says he has a big announcement to make. He took a call from Ralph and he brought up how dumb Bobo is for having that Apple watch and doesn't know what it does. Ralph said he has 3 phones and they all cut out on him. He said that he got his second vaccine shot and he's not sure why people are so hesitant. He said his arm didn't even hurt after the shot. He said he doesn't get it. Howard said it's all baffling. He said we could have herd immunity and we could stop this whole thing but we have idiots that wont get the shot. Ralph said the vaccine is a miracle. He said these people are hesitant. Howard said they're selfish people. He said that people think they're being microchipped but no one cares about them. He said he'd love to have a microchip in Ralph to find out what's going on with him.
Howard said this has gotten Alex Jones interest so lets go with that. Howard got fake Alex on the line and he was going on and on about the vaccine and what he thinks is going on with that. He thinks that it's the government up to something and DNA mapping. Fake Alex was rambling on and on about what he's seen and how this is corruption and blackmail. Howard asked why he thinks that the government wants to control out behavior. Alex said they want the collapse of society. He said they're the dark, evil possessed people. Howard said he is making some sense here. Robin asked if this is an act or is this really what he thinks.
Alex had a Bill Gates game to play. He said they asked Bill if he would rather eat a dozen babies or slaughter civilization. He said we know that he loves doing both but which one did he pick. Howard said he thinks that he'd slaughter civilization. Alex had Bill saying that he would rather eat babies to get the power to end the world. Howard said he felt that was a rigged game. Alex said he has to go take a pish. He did a live commercial read just like Howard does.
Howard let Alex go and said it's important to get their point of view on things. Robin said they used to laugh at things like that. Robin said that she's not sure what's happening now that people believe the most ridiculous things. Robin said they must be poisoned or chipped or something.
Howard played the call where Sal called into the show and said he had some Aunt Jemima items to sell because they're collector's items now. Then Richard called in and said that has been canceled so they may not want to sell it on there. The host said that's not up to him. Richard said he wanted to cancel that item and cancel that caller. The host had them hang up on Richard. Then Chris Wilding called in and said he wants to cancel that caller because of his accent. They cut him off and then they had a woman call in about the cancelling thing. She said that the auction is like slavery because they're buying and selling things so she wants to cancel the show. They cut her off and then took a call from Sal who said that he'd like to cancel his pain in the ass wife. He said he has a Mr. Potato head to sell too. The host kept asking them to cut him off. He said they're not going to talk about all of this on the show.
Howard said he is envious of that. He said the guy canceled his own show. Robin said he was so angry for ruining the show.
Howard said he feels that if a woman meets the right guy then her vagina would juice up. Robin said it cold be a health issue too. She said that your body won't have a wet vagina if you have other issues. Howard said he must be very healthy. He said Beth had sex with him on Friday and he jerked off on Saturday and Sunday. Lisa asked why he would masturbate after having sex with his wife. Howard said he knows Beth is busy on certain days. He said she'll be busy or she woke up on the wrong side of the bed. He said if he's charged up he gives her a day off by masturbating. He said he just wants to get rid of that thing. He said it takes just two seconds to get it out of his system. He said he turns on some YouPorn and gets it done.
Howard said even when he's doing it he can't believe he has to do it at this age. He said he has quite a libido. Robin asked if he feels like he could have done so much more with his life if he didn't have that. Howard said he does. He said that's why he takes care of the problem himself. Robin said even that takes up time. Howard said he has to take it all into account to figure out if he should do that or not. He said he has to think about all of that. He said he watched some lesbians having a good time on YouPorn. He said there was one that he's seen like 7 times already. He said this woman has her niece over. He said there's a lot of incest going on. He said this aunt has her nice over and she hasn't had her over in a long time. He said she talks about how she's grown up so much. He said then the girl is going on a cruise and the aunt is hot having this conversation with her niece. He said the niece is all tattooed up. He said the niece and aunt are talking about what could happen on the cruise with other women. He said the aunt asks if she has ever been with a woman. She tells her that she can teach her about having orgasms. Howard said she starts making out with her niece and the niece thinks it's wrong. He said the aunt says she won't tell her mother. He said it's always about teaching in these videos. He said the aunt takes off the girl's top and starts playing with her titties. He said th's about as far as he got.
Howard said he figured out that the best looking girls are in lesbian porn. He said they don't want to be with guys so they are pretty good looking over all.
Howard said he watched another video where this babysitter shows up just about naked for a job interview. He said she gets hired and the mother is just about naked too. He said then she gets hired and the parents come home and say they have her on the nanny cam doing something. He said they bring her up to the bedroom and the husband says he's going to talk to her and the wife leaves. He said the girl says she can't lose this job so she ends up blowing the dad.
Robin said even in regular shows the orgasms are out of this world. Howard said they're very good actresses.
Howard asked Dry Lisa about the drying up thing and if it bothered her. Lisa said it was annoying. Howard asked if she's on speaker phone. She said she's on bluetooth. Howard said it's not great. Lisa said she unplugged it. Howard said it sounds better now. Lisa said it's just easier than holding it. She said her hand hurts.
Howard said he has Drier Lisa on the line too. He took that call and Chris Wilding was doing his impression of Lisa talking about her being dry. Drier Lisa was talking about refinishing her countertops with her dry vagina. Howard said her phone connection is much better than Dry Lisa is.
Howard got back to Dry Lisa and explained what her problem is. Howard said she had a husband at the time. Lisa said she still does. She said he's probably listening to her right now. Drier Lisa said she went through Menopause around 12. Howard let her go.
Howard asked Lisa if she talked to her husband about drying up and told him that their sex life was over. Lisa said she did kind of do that. Howard asked if he was upset. Lisa said not really. She said that he woke up today and said that she should play with herself and maybe she'll be able to get some sleep. She said that she's been getting wiped out from the long term COVID symptoms she's had. Howard said her husband told her to masturbate to get some sleep for that.
Howard asked why she called in. Lisa said that Bobo was on the phone talking about Peter Luger's and all of that. She asked if he's from Florida. Howard said Bobo is from New York but moved there. Lisa said that Bobo wasn't able to get the story straight and she was thinking about that. Howard said everyone in the audience is dry now. He let her go after that.
Howard did his impression of Lisa telling her stories in that slow voice she has. Howard said he wants to see her. Robin said she's not sure if her imagining is better than reality. She said she's not sure if she wants to see her. Howard said what if she's super hot. He said that she could be super model hot. He did more of his impression of her and said Chris does a better one. He repeated what she was saying about Bobo.
Howard said they tried calling Dry Lisa with Ronnie and he has that coming up on tomorrow's show.
Howard read more about the Bob Smigel interview and his discussion about his autistic son. Howard had a bunch of feedback about that.
Howard said that people wrote in about the package Gary had about ''Karens'' on last week's show. He read through some of that. Howard said Gary is working on more of that.
Gary said he had an interesting discussion about that with his wife. He said that his mom could be really good. He said his wife said that was definitely one of her personalities.
Howard said the audience wrote in about how much Gary had to go through with his mother. Howard read through some of that feedback.
Howard said he felt bad for Gary after that conversation. Gary said he has another story that he forgot to tell. He said that it was something that he remembered after the show. He said that his parents were divorced already but they came to visit together. He said his father got pulled over and his mother yelled at the cop. He said his dad asked if he can see what he's dealing with and the cop just let him go. Howard said that's unbelievable.
Howard said that the tapes team dug up some audio from 1985 when Gary's mom visited the show. Gary said she was on her best behavior back then. Howard said she was able to control it.
Howard played the clip and Howard was talking to Gary's mom about her son working there for $150 a week and how proud she must be. Gary's mom was very happy for him and said he's a fantastic boy.
Howard said Gary wasn't the only superstar. He said people wrote in about Ass Napkin Ed. He said they played more clips of Ed on Wednesday's show. He said that they people couldn't get enough of that. He read some feedback about that. Howard said he was talking to Chris this morning and he says he has ass problems all over the place. Howard asked him to tell Robin about his issues.
Chris said that he started calling Ed and this started around the same time. He said he gets itchy back there. He said he has to scratch it. He said he thinks that what's going on is that he's been running a lot and he thinks it's a moist climate back there and it's making it itchy. Robin said he may have some irritation from running. Chris said he's using so many creams and things back there and he has never been this itch. Robin asked what he's running in. Chris said he wears boxer briefs. Robin said that must hold in the moisture. Chris said he showers right away. Robin said that doesn't help because it dries it out with the stop.
Howard said Chris says he has a swollen ring around his asshole. He said the guys in the office call it Ass Napkins's revenge. He also says that he spends 20 minutes wiping back there. Chris said he's able to use a water thing back there. He said he takes paper back there and he can still wipe after 20 minutes and he still has a brown dot on the paper.
Howard said he can swallow the water with his asshole and he's off of that bowl in 2 minutes. He said he only needs 3 things of toilet paper to wipe. Chris said he moves into the water like he's fucking it but there's still brown down there. He said that it's not cleaning it out. Howard said he's not going far enough in there.
Howard said Chris has been using Vagisil back there. Chris said he had something called Butt Paste too. Chris said it's horrible because it gets caught in your fingernails too. Howard said he's not sure why he's using Vagisil. Chris said it worked for a little while. He said that it's an anti fungal and it has anti-itch in it too.
Howard said he has to stop with that. Chris said he's not going to the doctor over this stuff right now. He said he's not going to go on Facetime and show his ass. Howard said Chris told him that he laughs like the Joker from this because it's so itchy. Chris said he did take a blow dryer to dry it out back there. Howard said he's going to burn his asshole from that. He said he has to be careful. That led to Howard doing his Ass Napkin Ed impression. Chris did his impression of Ed too.
Howard and Chris went back and forth with their Ass Napkin Ed impressions for a little bit. They were talking about some of the wacky stuff that Ed talked about with Chris in that call they played last week.
Chris said he was actually checking his shit for pinworms after talking to Ed. He said he was worried that's what was causing his problem.
Howard asked if they exhausted that call that Chris made to Ed. Chris said he believes there's still more stuff there. He said on Wednesday he got a call from Wolfie who said that Ed wanted to talk to Ass Napkin Chris and he ended up calling him and there are even more disturbing clips coming up. He said Ed has no clue what's up. He said it's just as good and it's the exact same kind of conversation.
Howard said Ralph said he can help Chris out with his ass problem. Chris said he's sure he can. Howard put Ralph on with Chris who said he should be wearing a jock kind of brief or a mesh brief when he runs.
Howard asked if Chris' ass itches now. Chris said it's not right now but if it was he'd have to get off the air to scratch it. Howard said he had an itchy ass when he was younger and he had to stop wiping so much. He said Chris has to cut back on how much he's back there. Chris said it makes it itchy if you leave shit back there. Howard said he shouldn't have an issue if he's using water in there. He asked if he can burp out water from there. Chris said he hasn't mastered that skill. Howard said he's been able to open himself up to the water and then this big burp comes out and it all comes out. He said he's clean after that. He said he just uses some paper to dry the area and he's got no itchiness.
Robin said patting the area is better than rubbing it. Chris said there's shit up there though. Ralph said he must be eating poorly. He said if you eat well it shouldn't be an issue.
Howard asked Chris what he's eating. Chris said he isn't fully vaccinated yet so he's getting food out. He said he has the second dose scheduled but it's a long story.
Howard said Ass Napkin Ed is on the phone. He put him on and Ed said that Wolfie is his man. Howard asked if he's drunk. Ed said he is. Howard asked what he's drinking. Ed said it's some kind of wine. They had to ask how to spell what it was. It was Frandier. Howard said it's probably a cleaning solution. Ed said it's a box of wine. Howard asked what time he starts drinking. Ed said 4am. He said the cops showed up to his house yesterday. Howard asked what for. Ed said there are people who drive dirt bikes and ATVs in the city. He said you're supposed to get a reward for turning people in. He said he called 9 times. Howard asked what he's saying. Robin said he must have turned someone in. Ed said he doesn't like to rat people out. Howard said he did it to get $100.
Ed said that he could make fun of Howard's accent too. He did his impression of Howard but it was his impression of Howard doing Ed's voice. Ed said he's doing his own accent.
Howard said meanwhile Chris has real ass problems. He said he's having real itchiness since he started talking to him. Ed said Chris is gay so he's not surprised. He said he could get hemorrhoids from having gay sex. Chris was doing his Ass Napkin Chris voice and Ed wondered if that was Howard or Chris. Howard said he thinks Ed put a curse on Chris. Ed said he didn't do anything like that. Howard said he did some voodoo on him.
Ed asked if Chris is the pillow biter or the man or the woman. Chris said that he bites the pillow. He said Ed would bite it too if he had a dick up his ass. Howard asked if Chris can imagine if he was in bed with Ed and he pulled his dick out and it had worms on it. Ed said his dick is 12 inches. Howard did his Ed voice again. He and Chris were talking to Ed in their Ed voices and asking about his ''foot dick.''
Ed was rambling about Chris and Wolfie and the guys had no idea what he was talking about. Howard said he has to get some of that box wine. Ed said it's Frandier. Robin said it like she knew what he was talking about. Robin said she really doesn't know it. Howard did his impression of Ed talking about that. Ed sounded like he was getting frustrated with them.
Ed said he's thinking of moving to Florida. Howard said he could have a roommate named Ass Napkin Chris. Chris said he wants to give his dick a pedicure. Ed asked if that's the guy. Howard said he has to go. He wished him luck with everything. Ed got frustrated. He asked if he can come to the studio. Howard said there is no studio right now. Ed asked if he can come to his house. Howard said he has to get rid of this guy. He hung up on Ed.
Howard said Chris said there's more conversation with Ed. Robin said she can't wait. Chris said she can. He said that Ed is very taken with her and they discussed her.
Howard and Chris did their Ed voices some more and talked about his foot dick thing. Howard said they'll have more of that with Ed and Chris soon.
Howard said he had a fantasy that JD befriended OJ and he ends up getting a confession out of him. He said imagine JD was the only one to be able to get the truth out of him. He said he could probably get it out of him. Robin said he could get him to do it. Howard did his OJ voice and had JD talking to him and getting him to confess. He had JD tricking OJ into saying something by complaining about his wife.
Howard read more comments about JD blocking OJ and what might happen to him if he does that. He said OJ could stab him with one of JD's spoons.
Howard said someone wrote in about OJ and how he must have researched him after that. JD said he thinks he has someone running his social media. He said he may record the videos and then send them out. He said he really doesn't know and doesn't want to know. Howard said he's not so sure that he has much of a staff. He said he seems to be out here on his own.
Howard did more of his OJ voice and had him talking to JD about getting rid of his wife.
Howard took a call from fake OJ Simpson which turned out to be the guys playing clips of OJ. Howard spent a minute talking to OJ about how he stays so cheery with all of this going on in his life. They had OJ laughing and asking America what's going on.
Howard said he must be upset by everything going on with the pandemic. OJ said don't worry about it and just focus on the positive. Howard said he must be bothered by people thinking that he killed his wife. Howard asked OJ if he worries about the concussions in the NFL causing issues later on in life. The guys had OJ telling jokes.
Howard asked if he has any advice for people out there trying to start a new relationship. OJ said wear your masks. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has some advice for Chris. She said she's been listening a long time. She said that Chris should use Desitin. Howard said his mother used to use that on him. He said she used it until he was a teenager. Howard said she would put it on the anal thermometer so it smelled like that and ass. The caller said it doesn't smell like medicine so much now. She said she has that issue sometimes and she used to over wipe. She said if that doesn't help then he should go to a doctor.
Howard took another call from Ralph who said that JD blocking OJ is like a power move. Howard said he thinks JD is so deluded that he thinks that OJ is going to kill him if he's involved with him. He said JD is a little nuts. JD said he's not worried about him coming for him. He just doesn't want to be associated with him in any way. Ralph said he's not connected to him just because he follows him. JD said that he doesn't went to be one of the people who he's following. He said he doesn't want to be connected to him in any way. Ralph asked who he thinks he is that he doesn't want his reputation tarnished by OJ. JD said he just doesn't want to be associated with him. Ralph said he's very arrogant. JD said he's one to talk.
Howard said Ralph is kind of obsessed with JD. He said they have Ralph this Beef of the Week thing and he talked about him in this new one. He played the bit where Ralph talked about JD and how fat he is lately. He said his wife is a trainer and he's not doing anything about his weight even though he has that wife. He said JD is getting bigger and maybe his wife is trying to kill him.
Howard said Ralph has turned into the Joker with that laugh he has. JD said that's his beef, that he's fat. He said his wife is in better shape than he is but he's not sure what he's talking about with Alec Baldwin in that clip. Ralph said Alec is in better shape since he met his wife. JD asked how much they think he weighs. Howard asked how tall he is. JD said he's 5'9''. Howard said he's going to say he's 223. Ralph said he was going to say 225. JD said he was 209 as of yesterday so they're wrong. Ralph said he was way bigger a month ago. He said it's a consistent thing with him. Howard let Ralph and JD go and did a live commercial read after that.
Howard came back and sang along with the song a little bit. He took a call from a woman who said she was wondering if he caught the teaser for the new season for Dexter. Howard said he did. Robin said she had no idea that was coming back. Howard said they're bringing it back on Showtime. He said the new trailer is out and Dexter is back. He said he decided to stop killing and you see him in the same clothing and he turns to the camera like he's back. The caller said he went off to be a logger and it was a 10-12 second teaser. She said he turns around and has this evil grin and it's fantastic. Howard asked how his sister died in the series. The caller said that some serial killer got her. Robin said she has to go back and look. Fred said that Dexter actually killed her. He said that she was on life support in a coma. Fred read some details from the internet.
Howard said this season Dexter follows JD on Twitter and kills him. Robin said she has to go find that trailer now. Howard said that guy's name was Anthony Michael Hall or something. Gary said it's Michael C. Hall. Howard said that show was pretty good. He said it's hard to top.
Howard said if you get a great role you should stick with it. He said don't feel like it's a shame or something. He said just stick with it. Robin said especially when it's a role like that which no one is going to forget. She said that Fred Gwynn was like that. Howard said Michael C. Hall played JFK in The Crown. Robin didn't remember that. Howard said it would have been great if JFK was a serial killer.
Howard said Mariska Hargitay is smart. He said she's been on that show forever. He said she's smart for sticking with it. Gary said he thinks they're in their 23rd season. He said it's Law & Order SVU. Robin said that Chris Meloni is back after leaving the show for a while. She said he had gone off to do another version of Law & Order. Howard said Bob Denver was smart. He said he never gave up on Gilligan. He said George Takei is still milking Sulu. He said he's smart too.
Robin asked if Howard watched Bridgerton. Howard said he and Beth tried watching it but they didn't get into it. Robin said one of the guys in the show decided not to come back because he had creative differences. She said that he did just one season and now he's gone. Howard said if he gets something good he sticks with it. He said just look at this radio show. He said people are stupid.
Howard said the points is that Dexter is back. He said they ended the show by faking his death and he was hiding as a lumberjack in the Pacific Northwest. Robin said now he has no kid and no sister. She wondered what he'll be doing. Howard said he's like Batman who kills. He said it's a good role for that guy. He said Alex Trebek stuck with Jeopardy until he died. Robin said Pat Sajak is still on Wheel of Fortune. Howard said he's smart. He said he tried to go up against Johnny Carson with a talk show and he was so stiff.
Howard said Chris Judd was her backup dancer. He said that she had to marry the guy. He said maybe she didn't marry the guy. Robin said she's not sure who the three husbands were. Gary went over the list. He said she was engaged the A-Rod. Howard said he'd love to know what it is about her that gets them to break up.
Howard said Chris Booker was going out with J-Lo's sister and he liked her very much when he hung out with them. He said when he was single Chris called him and said he was driving around with J-Lo. He said that he thought about it and invited them to come over so he could meet J-Lo. He said he never did bring her by.
Howard said that J-Lo has a new book out but this is clips from the old book that they edited. He said she has a new audiobook and this is clips they created to talk about the new book. Howard played a clip of J-Lo talking about how COVID came from a bat that she had living in her huge ass crack and Alex ate it and threw up all over her puffy pussy.
Howard said this is the book she should have put out. He said four people worked on these clips so it's not easy to do this. Howard played more clips that the guys created where they had J-Lo saying some crazy stuff. The clips were long and Howard had to replay one so Robin could understand what she was saying.
Howard played one where they had J-Lo talking about taking huge shits to make her ass muscles work so she can have that ass she has.
Howard played one where she said she farted and killed three of her backup dancers at the Super Bowl.
Howard played a clip where J-Lo talked about how the biggest shit she ever took weighed 14 pounds. That one went on and on about all kinds of weird shit.
Howard said they know for a fact that J-Lo is disgusted by him. He said that's okay with him. He said it's best that they never met based on all of the failed relationships.
Howard played a clip of J-Lo talking about who she would like or not. They mentioned Donald Trump and then Howard Stern. She said no to that very quickly. Robin said she thought more about Donald Trump than she did about Howard. Howard said she was more afraid of offending Trump than him. He said lets see who she marries next. He said maybe marriage isn't for her.
Howard asked what's going on with Marilyn Manson. He said he sees that he's getting sued by a woman from Game of Thrones. He said a lot of women are saying he did a lot of bad shit to them. Robin was about to say something but she thought better of it and stopped herself. Howard said it is a live show.
Robin said they say that they have 5,000 cases of people who have had the vaccine who have gotten COVID. Robin said that it's not a 100 percent vaccine so people are getting COVID. Howard asked if they get it after being vaccinated do they have lesser symptoms. Robin said that is true for the most part. She said she hasn't read the whole article about that but you can still get COVID and transmit it.
Howard said he and Robin are vaccinated. He asked if she has loosened up at all. Robin said she has. She said she went out to a restaurant and a museum. She said there were a lot of people there. Howard asked if it's important for her to go to the museum. Robin said yes. She said she hasn't had the chance to go out that much in the past couple of years. She said everyone was masked. She said you have an appointment. She said that people never leave though. She said the people who come at 11 don't leave by 12 when they're supposed to. She said by the time you get to 1 o'clock the place is packed. She said that everyone was trying to socially distance but it's tough when you're that packed.
Howard said he went to see his parents. He said they're both vaccinated. He said that felt okay. He said he went to a friend's house. Robin asked if they're hugging. Howard said no way. He said his friend moved into a new house and they went over and stayed outside for the most part. He said it's just weird. He said he feels like he's getting sick even when he's not.
Robin said she has not eaten inside a restaurant yet. She said that she has eaten outside. She said she went to this one place that was packed. She said every seat was taken up. She said they had these partitions between tables. Howard asked if you wear a mask when you're not eating. Robin said you do.
Howard said they saw Beth's parents too. He said they stayed outside. Robin said she stayed at a friend's home. She said that they were vaccinated. She said they didn't mask inside their home though. Howard said that's weird because you don't know if they have it. He said it's all so confusing.
Howard said based on what he read this morning he's not sure if COVID will ever be under control. He said he thinks that all waiters should wear a mask from now on either way. He said the good thing is that he hasn't been sick since this whole thing started. Robin said he did have something a few weeks ago. Howard said whatever that was turned out to be very minor.
Howard said they say that over 5,000 people have gotten COVID after the vaccine but only 306 were hospitalized and no one died from it.
Howard said this vaccine is a miracle. He said of course you should get it. Robins said they're doing tested for younger ages too. Howard said he thought everyone would get it and we'd be over this. He said just look at what's going on in India if you think it's going away.
Robin said she did stay at a friend's house and she went out to eat a couple of times. Howard said she knows that he would have talked her out of that. He said she knows him very well.
Howard said 74 vaccinated people have died from COVID. Robin said you don't know other details so you don't know what it was that killed them. Howard said this is all so fucked up.
Robin said she knows people who wont take the vaccine. Howard asked what she says to them. Robin said she doesn't say anything anymore. She said that she told these friends that she was getting it and they said they hope she doesn't have any side effects.
Howard said he has to wrap up the show. He said they'll get to more tomorrow. He ended the show around 10:35am.
Howard said he knows he can call someone but he hates to be a nudge. He said there's always something going on with him. He said people think he doesn't have to work on his look because he's so handsome. He said this morning it was just crazy.
Robin asked if he has utensils to do his hair. Howard said he does. He said he has some stuff that Beth hates the smell of. He said it's sea salt and conditioner. He said it smells like old lady hair to Beth. He said burn victims laugh at his looks. He said they think he's a fucking mess.
Howard said he's totally alone doing his hair. He said that he is blessed with a great head of hair. He said it is curly and it needs shaping. He said his mom saw him and frowned and said that his hair needs shaping. He said she hadn't seen him in a year and that's what she told him.
Howard said he has won best hair awards four years in a row. He said he does have great hair but bad style.
Howard said he woke up and watched the news this morning and it was news about people who won't take the vaccine. He said he wonders what that's about. He said people think that it's not trustworthy and they think that this ''shedding'' is going on. He said it's total bullshit. He said they think it's going to go on to someone else. He said it sounds good to him. He said these people who flunked science are the ones who think that's what's going on. He said some people believe that COVID-19 isn't really that bad and they're being lied to about how bad it is. He said they also feel they're healthy and they'll be fine if they get it. He said he woke up this morning all angry about who might not get the vaccine. He said he thought that Richard's parents might be those kind of people but they actually got it.
Howard said they're trying to get kids over 12 vaccinated too. He said people will start with the vaccine giving them autism so that's going to be an issue.
Robin said she knows a couple who has a child on the spectrum and they think they clean out the child's ear and he can hear better so when he does something right that's their explanation.
Howard said that Richard's dad didn't believe in dentists so that's why he thought they weren't going to get it. He said Wolfie's mom won't get the vaccine. He asked Wolfie why that is. Wolfie got on and said this is crazy on a lot of levels. He said his mom's sister died of COVID a few months back. He said his mom showed up at his house this weekend. He said he wouldn't let her in the house. He said his kids took a mask outside to talk to her. He said they haven't seen her much this year and she refused to wear a mask. He said she left early.
Howard asked what the deal is. Wolfie said she believes in the conspiracy stuff. He said she's 67 years old. Robin asked if she's concerned with her diet. Wolfie said not at all. He said it's created a major rift in the family. He said he hasn't spoken to her since that day she came over. Howard asked who is mad at who. Wolfie said he'd call her and ask her now if he wants. Howard said he would talk to her about it.
Howard said maybe she's one of those Qanon people. Wolfie said that she said she was spending 2-3 hours a day researching things. He said she's going deeper into this stuff. Howard asked who she thinks she is. He asked if she was a teacher. Wolfie said she worked at a Reese's Peanut Butter cup factory. Howard said he thinks he'd leave the science to other people. Wolfie said they have had so many arguments. He said when Hillary was running for office she told his kids that Mexicans were going to come to their house and kill them. He said it's so stressful having that. Howard said we're doomed.
Howard asked where he grew up. Wolfie said he grew up in Central Pennsylvania near Hershey. He said it's near the Amish. Howard said gotcha. Wolfie said they have signs there that are anti-mask signs. He said they have businesses that say they won't require you to wear masks.
Howard said people should shun others for not being vaccinated like the Amish do. He said that there's a private school in Florida where you can't teach there if you've been vaccinated. He said he can't live this is true. He had an article he read about the school. They say that they won't let teachers return to work if they get vaccinated. They're also talking about this vaccine shedding that they think is happening. Howard said they think that they can shed their vaccine and it can cause miscarriages. He said it's all not true. He said they don't trust the government so they say this doesn't work. Robin asked what the government would be doing this for. Howard said they get their science from Marvel movies.
Robin asked what the motive of this government would be to get people sick. Howard said the government can't even build roads.
Howard said if there was such thing as this shedding of the vaccine that would lead to herd immunity in weeks. He said he's never heard of such a thing. He said it's crazy.
Howard said that this must be one of those schools where you graduate stupider than when you went in.
Howard asked Wolfie if that's really his mom on the phone. Wolfie said it is. Howard took the call from Barb. Howard told her how much he likes her son. She said sometimes he drives her crazy.
Howard said that he wants to talk to her about her stance on this vaccine. He said he's sorry to hear that her sister died of COVID. He said her odds of making it aren't that good. He asked if she has underlying conditions. She said she has high blood pressure because of Wolfie. Howard asked her to explain why she's against getting vaccinated. Barb said there are a few reasons. She said that her mom got it and a few days later after she got her second shot she got sick and it was like she had a stroke. She said she wasn't able to move and there were other cases like that. She said that she saw that a 16 year old got it and died 9 days later.
Barb said that she's taking Vitamin C and D and trying not to touch her face and all of that. Robin asked if her mother has recovered. Wolfie said she has and she's almost 90 years old. He said it could have been anything and not even the vaccine. Howard said his parents are 93 and 97 and they're fine from it. Robin said she told them the horrible things but not that she's fine now.
Howard said people are dropping dead from COVID. He said it seems to him that you'd want to not pass it along to other people. Howard said it seems like the risk is worth getting the vaccine. Barb said there is treatment for COVID now. Howard asked why go through it though. He said that you can be immunized and you can get to see your grandchildren and hang out with the kids and Wolfie. He said she has probably ingested worse in her life than this vaccine. He said this has been tested. Barb said that people are guinea pigs. Howard said we've all tried it there on the show so they've done it. Robin asked what she knows about all of the foods she's ingesting. Barb said what she's worried about is the immune system. Howard said who cares if you check out from it in a couple of years. Howard said he doesn't want to die either.
Wolfie said that his mother said she's not going to live in fear and he wondered what that means. He said it doesn't make any sense. Barb said that she still went on vacations and she didn't stop living. Howard said get the vaccine so you can keep on living. Barb said she never stopped.
Howard asked if Barb was ever a smoker. She said no. Howard asked if she ever drinks alcohol. Barb said no. Wolfie said she's almost Amish. He said they're not going to let her on the boat when she wants to go on a cruise. Barb said she's going to travel the United States this year. She said that she won't go on the cruise if they stop her with the vaccine thing.
Robin asked if she has been on a plane. Barb said she has. She said she never stopped living. Robin said they get that.
Howard said he thinks what's going on is that when Polio came around everyone got vaccinated and we were able to eradicate it. He said this COVID thing is bad and some people have a belief that it won't affect them. He said that Barb is one of those people who thinks that she's going to beat the odds. He said she's going to be breathing her last breath and she's going to wish she had gotten the vaccine. He said we can get back to normal if we can get rid of this.
Barb said that they don't know enough about the tech in this new vaccine. Howard said her sister died from it. Howard asked how old she was. Barb said she was 68. Howard said she's dead now and she probably suffocated from that. He asked if Barb wants that. Barb said she had some underlying conditions. Howard said a lot of people who took care of themselves have gotten it and died. Barb said she also has a lot of allergies. She said she has talked to the doctor about it. Howard asked if she takes allergy medication. Barb said she takes a Claritin. Howard asked if she reads about that. Barb said not really. Howard asked why she would take that and trust it. Wolfie said he read that a guy died from that last year so she should look into it. Robin said she just pops that thing in her mouth and doesn't research it.
Howard asked if a doctor recommended that she take Claritin. Barb said that they have a lot of farms nearby and she thought it was allergies. Howard said his point is that she knows as much as she knows about the vaccine. He said her sister died of COVID-19 and she's not going to survive it. Wolfie said that she could get it and it could affect her in ways that she has no idea about.
Howard said that there's one guy he knows who has to learn to walk again after having COVID-19. He said he wants her to get the vaccine today. He said she's playing with fire. He said he has kids who have been vaccinated and they're fine.
Barb said the only vaccine she ever got was the Polio vaccine. She said her kids were all vaccinated. Howard said he got the Shingles vaccine too. He asked if she has ever had that vaccine. She said she got the first one. Howard said it's a miracle that they have that vaccine. He said you don't want to get that either. Wolfie said she got a flu shot. Barb said she has but that was because they were going on a trip. Howard said stop looking at the internet and stop reading the kooks. He said you can get to see your grandchildren. He said Wolfie doesn't want to lose her. Barb said Wolfie is keeping her from the kids. Howard said he did it to protect her. He said that they could pass it on to her. He said that she's playing with fire. He said go get the vaccine. He said that you won't die like your sister died.
Howard said science works and this can save you. Barb said thank god for President Trump and his Warp Speed program. Howard said thank god for Biden for getting a lot more in the arms of people. Howard said that it's all a miracle.
Howard asked Barb about the thing that she said about Hillary. Barb said that they're not allowed to talk politics with the grandchildren anymore. She said that she told them not to live in fear. Howard asked why she'd tell them that the Mexicans are going to come and kill them. She said she didn't say it like that. She said she just said we need to protect our borders. Howard said she lives in fear of the vaccine but she doesn't live in fear.
Wolfie asked if she told her grandchildren that Hillary kills babies. Barb said that she told them that she believes in abortion. Howard said for a fearless woman she seems pretty fearful of a lot. He said he knows she's a fan of the Supreme Leader Trump. He said he went and got vaccinated. Barb said she knows that. Howard said she admires Trump and she must see that. He said that if he's getting it then why is she not getting it. Barb said she's not sure why he even got it. Robin said it must be safe then. Howard said that even Mike Pence got it. Howard said if the Supreme Leader and his wife and henchmen got it then she should get it. Barb said she knows. She said she just read a lot of stuff. Howard said Trump loves the vaccine and got it right into his arm. He said he didn't wait 2 seconds. He said that he knows more than her so go get vaccinated. Howard said he doesn't understand what the hold up is. He said Trump is on top of everything so why not trust Supreme Leader. Barb said that Howard will feel bad if something bad happens to her. Howard said he's not taking this lightly. He said she lost her sister to COVID-19. He said that's enough said.
Howard said what he's saying is that she must get the vaccine and she'll be fine. Barb said here are a lot of people like her. Howard said stop reading the internet. He said it sounds like she's going to do the right thing. Wolfie said he hasn't heard a yes from her. Barb said that they have it right down the road from her. Howard said go protect herself and don't end up like your sister.
Wolfie said that she should just test it out. He said that she tested a stun gun on him. He said she came up and tased him from behind once. He said it knocked him out of his chair. Barb said she wanted to see if it worked and it did.
Howard said he knows that Barb loves Trump and he got the vaccine. He said she should get it. He said get it and call in next week and let them know how she's doing. She said she was going to do the one shot thing. Howard said get Moderna or Pfizer. He said that Beth had a bit of a reaction. He said his mother and father had no reaction and he had no reaction. Robin said she got Pfizer and Howard got Moderna. Howard said it was a big nothing. Robin said the shot didn't even hurt. Howard said he's had the Shingles vaccine and the flu shot and all of that. He said that he would take them all. Robin said she has had to take a lot of vaccines in her life. Barb said she's going to do the Shingles vaccine right away. She said that she heard that they closed the place that was giving the vaccine. Howard said she has to get this Trump vaccine. He said that will get her moving.
Howard said she can make it a whole honoring of Trump. He said she can show her support for him. She said she'll bring her cardboard cut out and wear her MAGA cap. Howard asked if she's going to get the vaccine. Barb said she's nervous but she's heading that way. Howard said think of your sister and do it for her to honor her. Howard said her sister is looking down at her and saying this was not fun what happened to her.
Robin asked if her friends are anti-vax. She said a lot aren't. Howard said we just need to go through 100 million more people to convince. He asked if everyone else she knows who has gotten it is fine. He said she doesn't want to be the only one left.
Howard said another reason you want to get the vaccine is because the virus will mutate. He said we want to make it no more dangerous than a cold. He said the only way to do that is to stop the mutations. He said if Barb gets it and everyone gets it then we can defeat the virus. He said it's herd immunity. He said that's how we won against polio. He said that she has to do it for her grandchildren and the people around her. He said do it for everyone. He said we don't want to turn this country into India. Barb said it's scary. Howard said everyone has to get the shot and even her supreme leader said everyone should get it. He said that's her MAGA guy. He said make America Great Again and get vaccinated. Barb said she's going to see if they're open and find out where to get it. Howard said they're going to check in with her next week. He said she's going to save her own life and people around her too.
Howard said that she doesn't want to end up like her sister. He said the vaccine can help you keep from getting in that condition. Robin said that you have to stop the variants so get the vaccine. Howard said if she gets the vaccine she'll get to see the grand kids.
Howard said he needs her alive and healthy to tell the grand kids about the Mexicans and Hillary and all of that. He said Wolfie is filling their heads with Liberal nonsense. He said he needs her around to give her side of the story.
Howard said that Barb reminds him of Alex Jones. He said she's the Alex Jones of Grandmas. He said everyone needs her around.
Howard said he has to tell her a story. He said Wolfie was telling him about the nonsense he was filling his kid's heads with. He said he was telling them about global warming and all of that. He said she has to stick around to tell them that's nonsense. He said that he's telling the kids that gay people are people. He said there's nothing wrong with them. He said that Barb has to tell them what's really true. Barb said they are people. She said they are very nice people and she has some friends. Wolfie asked if they go to hell. Barb said that everyone is a sinner. Howard asked if gay people are going to hell. Barb said she has no idea.
Howard said that Wolfie is telling the kids that the election was legitimate. Barb said she spoke to a senator who went door to door and they found out that the election was stolen. Howard said she should be first in line to get the vaccine if she believes Supreme Leader. Wolfie said that he's thinking that she shouldn't get vaccinated.
Howard said that Barb should get vaccinated and not end up like her sister. He said that Wolfie is filling the kid's head with silly nonsense like the earth is older than 4000 years old and we evolved from apes. He said that she has to tell them the right thing. Howard said God created man and woman. Barb said that's right.
Howard said that all the kids would be back in school if we all got the vaccine. Barb said that maybe the kids are being influenced by their dad too much. Howard said Wolfie told his kids that Michelle Obama was born a woman. Barb said she doesn't know about that. Howard said she has to get in there and tell them that she was born a man. Howard said go get that vaccine. He said that she's a very special woman. Howard said he doesn't want her getting anyone else sick so that's a selfish thing on his part. Howard told Barb to get that vaccine. Wolfie said he loves her. Barb said she loves him too.
Howard asked how Wolfie turned out normal. Wolfie said he had to move away and get some distance there. He said that's the way she is. He said she's impossible.
Howard asked if Wolfie thinks she'll get the vaccine. Wolfie said he thinks there's a small chance but he wouldn't bet his life on it. Robin said she thought her mother didn't make any sense but this is a whole other level.
Howard took a call from Fake Donald Trump who said he wants people to get his trump brand vaccine. He said Sleepy Joe will be very angry about that. Howard hung up on that guy and said he's heard better impressions. He said that sounded like his own Trump impression. Robin said she thinks that was an imposter. Howard said it may have been a fake.
Howard said that this all makes sense to him now. He said the reason Wolfie goes to all of these events to cover them is because these people are like his mom. He said his mom tased him. Wolfie said he had to constantly read the room growing up. He said that his dad was kind of nutty too. He said they were 16 and 17 when they married. He said his father was a truck driver and went out smoking and drinking and she never did any of that. He said he would cry if they were going on a road trip because it was constant back and forth with them. He said his parents stayed together for the kids and it wasn't good. He said if you're miserable then just get divorced. He said he wishes they had done that years earlier.
Wolfie said his mother once yelled out 'Demon be gone!'' to his father. He said that will be etched in his brain forever. Howard said what a fucking scene that is. He said he's thinking she may get the vaccine after that talk. He said she kind of got the supreme leader reference. He said he can see why it's so hard to talk to her. Wolfie said she has what they call Barb Logic in the family. He said she bases it on nothing.
Howard said right now we're in a tug of war with logic. He said he's hoping that it helped to talk to her. Robin said it seemed like she had no retort to his logic and she seemed kind of bummed out by that. Howard said it seems like telling her that her sister is dead was the one thing that got to her. Robin said she was talking about getting the Shingles vaccine but she didn't think about this one. Howard said people are thinking that this happened too fast. He said he's sure they had the same time on the Shingles vaccine as this COVID-19 vaccine.
Howard said he's not sure what she's telling the kids. He said maybe Wolfie doesn't want her around. Wolfie said they had to tell her not to talk politics around the kids. Howard said it's crazy that she told a 6 year old that the Mexicans are coming to kill them.
Howard said that Wolfie was just joking around about the one person who died from Claritin. He said he was just trying to get her attention.
Howard said that it should be an interesting mother's day this Sunday. He asked what you get for her. Wolfie said he got her flowers. He said he's trying to do the right thing. Howard asked if he thinks that she's just too out there for him. Wolfie said he just deals with it. Robin asked if his father is still around. Wolfie said he died. He said that he called in when he died to talk about it on the air and Robin wasn't paying attention. He said he had a heart attack while he was driving his truck.
Howard said he knows people who have really bad mother's and they won't cut them off either. He said Wolfie's mother doesn't have the mean gene but he knows some who are mean. Wolfie said his mom isn't like that. He said whatever she's doing she thinks is the best thing for her and her son and grand kids. He said his mom is the kind of mom who will just paint a wall in the house or put a painting up on the wall in his house. He said this has happened. He said she has done it. He said it looks like shit and that's just how she is.
Howard said she just thinks she knows something and she doesn't know a thing. He asked if his wife ever says something to him about letting her in the house. Wolfie said yes to a point. He said they do coach their kids up before they spend time with her. He said they warn them that they'll hear some crazy stuff and if they have questions they can ask them about it after.
Howard asked if the kids have to be sat down and reprogrammed after a visit with Grandma. Wolfie said they always have a conversation. Howard said that must scare the kids. Wolfie said they are 12 and 14 now but it did. He said it was a complicated conversation to have with them. Howard asked if they would ever ban her or shun her. Wolfie said they have never gotten to that point. He said she has done some amazing things for him. He said even as a kids she taught him about personal finance and buying stock and things like that. He said that kind of thing helped him in life. He said he knows that she loves him and her family.
Howard said she tased him! Wolfie said he knows. He said he was doing homework when she did that from behind. Howard said he'd be done with her after that. He said she's so worried about her health but she did that to him. He said she could have given him a heart attack.
Howard asked if she ever told him that the Jews run the banks. Wolfie said that she's not like that. He said she's complicated. He said she's fine with the gays. Howard said it's weird when she's making sense there.
Howard said that the guys told him they pulled a prank call on her years ago. He said he vaguely remembers it. He said this is them pranking Wolfie's mom. He asked if it needs any set up. Wolfie said that he hid a camera in her house and that plays into it. Howard played the call where Sal called Wolfie's mom and told her that he can see her in a white bath robe. He told her that they had to get her to turn this voice activated camera off by yelling at the computer. Sal had her yelling out names like Shave Ertwot and Lee Kinganos.
Howard said he really does want her to get the vaccine. He said he wants her to stay alive. Wolfie said she'd fit in the Wack Pack nicely. Howard said he feels sorry for Wolfie and what he has to go through.
Howard asked what Ed has researched. Ed said he's a Libertarian. Robin said he's a drunk not a Libertarian.
Howard said Ed isn't a Libertarian. He said he's a socialist. He said he takes and takes. He said if he's a Libertarian he should stop taking public assistance. He said that he's feeding off of public wealth. Wolfie said that Ed is getting a house through HUD. He said that money comes from the public. Ed said he's buying a house. Howard said that's with public assistance. Howard said he earns zero dollars. He said that public assistance is buying that house for him. He said said that everyone there is buying the house for him.
Howard said don't say you're Libertarian. He said that he's not. He said that he's on public assistance. Ed said he is on SSI. Howard asked how he's Libertarian. He said they all say no more of that. Ed said he doesn't understand it then. Howard said he ran for office as Libertarian. Ed said Howard has gone full Democrat now. Ed said that the democrats hate Donald Trump. Howard said any sane person hates Trump. He said John McCain hated Trump. Ed said that he was a piece of shit. Howard said fuck you for calling that guy a piece of shit. He said join the military you fuck. Ed said that he talked shit about Trump. Howard said he talked shit about the supreme leader. He said he wanted to overturn the election. He said that's why he's calling him that. He said that Ed is too stupid to see what was going on there.
Howard said Ed isn't worthy of sucking John McCain's dick. He said Ed has never stopped up to do anything like what John did. Ed said he has stopped up and did things. He said he stopped a robbery. Howard said all he knows about Ed is that he'd last for 3 seconds in a tiger cage like John McCain was in. He said he spent his stimulus check on alcohol and lottery tickets. Ed said he did buy some lottery tickets. Howard said Ed is a communist. He said he takes our money and lives off of it. Ed said Howard is a fascist and a Marxist. Howard said he's a devout capitalist. He said he believes in hard work. He said he doesn't admire Ed at all. Ed said he works hard. Howard said he's drunk at 8 in the morning. He said Ed isn't working hard. Ed said that he does work hard around his house.
Robin said that Ed isn't working hard. She said he's filthy and has worms in his ass. Howard said he didn't wake up this morning to do this. He said it's just one dumb fucking morning. He said that he's not sure what to do. Ed said that he didn't wake up to do the whole show. Howard said Ed is a failure. He said he's not a Libertarian. He said he doesn't even know what it is. He said Libertarians lift themselves up by the boot straps. He said Ed is in the government up to his ass. He asked if he takes money from the government. Ed said he gets SSI. Howard said that's government assistance. Ed said that Howard is confusing liberals with Libertarians. Howard said Ed is the one who is confused.
Howard said just go get the vaccine. He said it's so frustrating. He hung up on Ed.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked what's up. She said something about getting gummies at 7-Eleven. She said she ordered on the app and she was trying to get a discount of something. Howard asked what he can help her with. She said that she heard them talking about the vaccine and she's hesitant about it. She said she's not a crazy Trumper or something. She said they need to do more explaining with it. Howard said then don't get it. He said she doesn't need it. Howard said just stop it. He said don't get it. He said that he got it and he's fine. He said he's trying to get this country out of the nightmare we're in. He said she's a fucking moron so get off his phone you fuck. He hung up on her. He said she's worried about the vaccine but meanwhile she's eating gummy worms for breakfast.
Howard said this has been some show this morning. He said here are no patriots in this country. He said just get the vaccine so we can get rid of this thing.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that the reason that the polio vaccine worked is because there was no internet to spread the misinformation about he vaccine. Howard said she's right. He said the internet has changed the world in many ways but the level of stupidity out there is so high. He said it's being spread like crazy. He said that newspapers don't get things right all the time but they can be sued. He said with the internet it doesn't matter anymore. He said no one gets sued for spreading poor information.
Howard said when he was in college he had a journalist for a teacher. He said he was a smart guy. He said he told them to learn to write an obituary. He said he had good advice for them. He said he talked about his life in newspapers and he had to triple check everything. He said you had to get it right because you were held accountable. He said now we have the wild west on the internet. He said that you can write anything and suddenly it's news.
Howard said every town has idiots in it but the internet is where all the idiots get together.
Howard asked if Alex Jones is there. He said he hates Bill gates. Howard put on fake Alex Jones who was crying about the divorce news. He was just faking that and said that this is great news. He had a bunch of conspiracy theories about the Gates and said that Wolfie's mom was the most genius person they've ever had on the show.
Fake Alex said that Melinda Gates was suffering from Stockholm syndrome and she finally woke up and got away from it. Alex had Bill Gates show up at his studio and he talked to him about the divorce. He had Bill saying that Melinda was upset with him for leaving crumbs after all of his baby feasts. Alex went into a live commercial read for his survival buckets.
Howard said that Alex must be jealous of Bill Gates. Alex said that he knows what Bill is up to is evil and he wants total tyranny. Howard asked if it's hard for him to sleep at night knowing all he knows. Alex said it's not hard when you have Alpha male Sleep Fusion. He said that he is up every night when he doesn't take that. He had more conspiracy theories that he was ranting about.
Howard asked Alex if he ever just relaxes and watches TV. He said he wants to have some frivolity in his life. Alex said he does sit down at the end of a day and reads the state department memorandums. He said it's just so calming to him.
Howard asked if he ever has a margarita on the beach. He said his world is so intense. Alex said they do have some great whisky down there. He said that his core goal is taking down the mega banks and leaders. He said that the CIA admitted that they control the weather. He said that Teddy Roosevelt was the kind of guy that he aspires to. Howard said he has to go. Alex had to take a break too so he wrapped up his show while Howard was wrapping up to take a break. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and talked about the way Christina sings and moves her fingers on the microphone when she's singing. He said he doesn't like that. He said he likes singers who hold it and don't move their fingers. Robin said she's imitating Mariah Carey and the way she used to sing.
Howard said he was watching a video the other night and two singers were singing into the same microphone. He said he hoped they had good breath. He said he wouldn't want to share a microphone. He said he was watching some charity thing and two big names were sharing a microphone. He said he was hoping that COVID would change that. Robin said they had a big concert out in L.A. and they had people singing on the same microphone. Robin said that everyone was supposed to have been vaccinated so some weren't wearing masks.
Howard said when he watches Bruce Springsteen and Little Steven they look like they're about to kiss when they sing into the microphone together. He said it's very homo erotic.
Howard said he's not going to share a microphone with anyone. He said if Fred came over and tired to share his microphone he'd tell him to go back to his own.
Howard said he saw that Matthew McConaughey is thinking about running for governor of Texas. He said they say that 45 percent of Texans would vote for him. He said that it seems like people will vote for him because he's famous. He said you don't know what he stands for. He said he's still one of those guys who thinks you have to do some public service before you get to be Governor. He said that this guy The Rock is a lovely guy but he conducts his career like he's running for office. He said he never lets you know if he's conservative or liberal. He said it's an approach to life that makes sense to him. He said now Rock has been saying that he's thinking about running. He said that's instead of saying that he's just a big dummy and he took a lot of juice. He said maybe he didn't but he looks like he did. He said he's a lovely guy but now he's thinking he should run for president. He said he's saying if that's what the people want then he may give it to them. Howard said we tried that and look what happened. He said a lot of people in that administration ended up in jail or being kicked out of their job.
Howard said when you run for office you have to give an opinion. He said that people assume that The Rock is into the military and they think that he's into Trump and all of that. He said as soon as this guy has to answer a question about abortion rights he's going to say something that's going to make people not love him. He said it's the same with Matthew McConaughey. He said you don't know where he stands on issues. He said they've never asked him where he stands on gun control and school shootings. He said they may take him and throw him out a window if they ask him about it and he gives the wrong answer.
Howard said Matthew McConaughey is listening to the show. He just knocked on the door. Howard had Fake Matthew McConaughey come in. Howard said he's had him on the show before and he really likes him. He said that he would love to come down and hang out with him in Texas. He asked if he's really running for office. Matthew said that he'd be a fool not to consider it. He said he has to ask him about his opinion on things like abortion. Matthew said he's right down the center of things so they call him Central McConaughey. Howard asked about gun rights and they had fake Matthew rambling nonsense about guns and health care and all of that.
Howard asked fake Matthew about what he'd say about trans rights and infrastructure plans. Matthew was rambling nonsense about all of that so he didn't sound like he was on one side or the other.
Howard thanked Matthew for coming on. Matthew got in a plug for his book and he was rambling about that and how he has to follow through with his dream. He said he had a dream and taught Howard how to yodel in that dream. He said he has to follow that dream. He asked Howard to Yodel with him. Howard said he feels silly. He did end up yodeling a little bit with Matthew before letting him go.
Howard said before you know it they'll have Governor McConaughey and Jenner and then President Rock. He said that he will skip right over being Governor. He said he's a bigger movie star so he has to go right for President. He said it's nuts what's going on out there.
Howard said god knows what's going to happen in Congress. He said it'll look like the Dais at a Comedy Central roast.
Howard said people also wrote in about Dry Lisa who called in yesterday. Howard said he saw a picture of her and she's a good looking woman. He said she's sexy. He said she has a good body. He said he was shocked. He said he's not sure what he was expecting but she was attractive. He said he was expecting her not to be. He said Dry Lisa made him wet. He said he was thinking about how he'd fuck her. Robin wondered if she'd get wet for Howard. Howard said maybe. He said he is famous. He read some feedback about Lisa and someone wrote in about Medicated Pete who has a big cock. Howard said he has to talk about Pete so he can't end the show before doing that.
Howard said someone said that Lisa sounds like Penny Marshall. He said he has a side by side of that. He played a clip of Lisa on the show yesterday and then a clip of Penny Marshall. Howard said it could be her. He said that was a good observation.
Howard said Dry Lisa said that Ronnie might be a good lover. He said they had Ronnie get on the phone with Lisa and it's fucking weird. He said Ronnie thinks that he's a sex expert so that's why they put him on with her. He said he seems to have a way with it. He said it's really weird but it also works. He said buckle your seat belts. Howard said Lisa called into the show and talked about how she lost her sex drive. Howard played some clips of her talking about what led to her losing her sex drive in her first call to the show.
Howard said they gave Ronnie the impossible task of making Dry Lisa into Wet Lisa. He said he tried to get her juices flowing. Howard said Lisa sounded depressed at the start of the call. Howard played the clip and Ronnie was asking Lisa about why she sounds so down. Lisa explained what it's like with her husband. Howard said things are depressing for her. He said Ronnie starts talking to her and describes what he'd do to her on a date. Howard played the clip and Ronnie talked about how he'd rub her neck to get her turned on. Lisa said that's turning her on. She said that Ronnie knows a woman so she thinks it could work. Ronnie talked about nibbling on her ear and pushing her hair back and biting her neck and things like that. Lisa said that sounds nice. Howard said Robin just slipped off her chair hearing that.
Howard said he was listening to this last night. He said he remembers going out with a girl who blew into his ear and he thought it was going to wretch.
Howard played another clip where Ronnie talked to Lisa about his cock getting hard with her and how he'd spread her ass cheeks and stick his dick in here. He said then he'd lick her clit slowly. He asked if she gets off on things like that. Lisa said she does. She said she was getting turned on by all of this. Howard said he didn't think that he'd find any moisture in those panties but he's doing it.
Howard said this went on and got hotter and heavier. Howard played a clip of Ronnie talking about slipping his dick in after having a lot of pre-cum on his dick. He asked her what she would do to him. Lisa told him what she'd do to him. Howard said he's not sure what that pre-cum situation is. He said it's always involved. He said he's a dude and never has that. He said he just cums. He said Ronnie is like a woman with juices coming out. Robin said it's always pre-cum. Robin said it's awful sounding. She said it's like he's leaky. Howard said he's not sure what that is. He said he's not even sure what pre-cum is. He said it's like a wet paintbrush down there with him.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie talking to Lisa about squirting. She said she has done that. She said it's unbelievable. Ronnie asked Lisa if she has touched herself during this. She said she has. Ronnie said he's getting hard in the pants too. He said he's feeling wet now. He asked if she's moist too. She said she is. Ronnie laughed.
Howard said Ronnie even said he's wet in the pants. He said he should see a doctor about that. Howard said Lisa is moving to Las Vegas now. He said that they gave Ronnie a challenge and he met it.
Howard said Wolfie called Lisa to find out how it went after that. He played a clip of Wolfie talking to Lisa about what happened in the call. She said they had phone sex. Wolfie asked if he got her off in that call. Lisa said that he got her off and got her moist.
Howard said Ronnie is changing the world one phone call at a time. Howard said you can hear the difference in her voice after the call. He played some clips of Lisa and Wolfie talking before and after. She did sound much happier after the call.
Howard said that Ronnie gave her CPR or Creepy Pussy Resuscitation. Robin said that was just creepy to her.
Howard read some more fan feedback about the TV discussions they had about American Idol. Howard said someone asked about why he doesn't watch America's Got Talent anymore. Howard said he's done that so he's done with it. He said he didn't want to watch it after he was gone. He said he wanted it to crumble but that won't happen.
Howard read more feedback about him watching American Idol. He said that people are saying that the show isn't the thing anymore and it went out of style when Eric the Actor died. Howard said some people must be watching it.
Howard had Gary audio book on the phone to talk about his mom. He put that Gary on and the guys played clips of Gary talking about his mother and the electro shock therapy she got twice. Howard asked if there was any difference. Gary said she was lethargic for a while. He said that she was able to ''eat through'' the therapy like fat guys do with the stomach band. Gary said the whole thing is shocking to see. Howard wondered who came up with that. Howard asked if her doctor was Bubba the Love Sponge. He asked what the fuck that was.
Howard asked if they gave her a second dose right away. Gary said it was like 4 years apart. He said that she went to her shrink and that was a whole other thing. He said that he would sit in the office and look at magazines while he was waiting for her to come out. He said she'd come out sobbing and he had no idea why. He said it was sobbing uncontrollably and she was driving a car. He said she had this doctor who talked her into the shock therapy.
Gary said his mother would talk about killing herself but she was too narcissistic to do that. Howard said his mother was the same way when she would say she was going to kill herself.
Howard said Gary's mom was really out there. Gary said the second time she had the shock therapy done he got shipped to live with his aunts and uncles in Brooklyn for the summer. He said he spent the whole summer with relatives. Howard wondered what they were saying about her. Gary said she was one of 7 so she wasn't the only crazy one. He said that one of his cousins had been killed in a car accident about a month before he went to live with these people and he felt like he would have been better off at his mother's house. He said it was too raw for them. He said he's shocked they agreed to take him in. He said watching that depression was so awful. Robin said it's amazing that any of them survived.
Howard said he remembers his father saying that they should become alcoholics so they can feel better. He said his father is a practical guy and he was suggesting that to his mother. He said they weren't drinkers either. He said it was unbelievable.
Gary said his uncle would just stare at the wall thinking about his son dying. He said it was a lot to watch. He said he would sit there talking about how if he had just told his son not to go out after dinner he'd still be there. He said they were dealing with some really heavy stuff.
Howard said all this woman is doing now is saying that he's annoying. He asked what she wants to talk about. The caller said that this new vaccine is something called MRNA. She said it's a new kind of vaccine. Howard said she's babbling. The caller said that she's wondering why people are getting sick from this vaccine. Howard said he's going to help her. He said that she's hysterical about this. He said when you have a conversation you have to stop arguing. He said that she's got to slow down and think.
Howard asked the caller, Samantha, what she wants to know. She said she just asked him the question. Howard said some people get sick after getting the vaccine because the immune system reacts to it. He said not all people have a reaction. He said the immune system is being stimulated. He said that's why some people have a reaction to it. He said they recover from it in about a day. He asked if that helps. Samantha said not really.
Howard said he has Amanda on the phone who wants a second to talk. It was a staffer doing an impression of Samantha and talking really fast like her and rambling.
Samantha said that Howard is acting like an immature little prick. She said if he's so passionate about this then he should have a conversation. Howard said that he did answer her question. Samantha said that he didn't answer her. She said that this is supposed to be a different kind of vaccine. Robin said MRNA is the delivery system. She said what they add to that is a replica of a protein so when your body recognizes that the immune system is activated. She said that some people have a bigger reaction than others. She said that's it. Samantha thanked her for explaining it to her like an adult. Howard said now go get the vaccine you fuck head. He said she's a big dumb hole. He said just listen to the experts and you'll be fine. He said she's an empty vessel. He said the problem is that he has to live in the same country as her.
Howard said that woman is a follower and a babbling fool. He said there's a lot of them out there so just do what we tell you to do. He said he wouldn't even let Benjy date her. Robin said maybe she deserves that. Howard said alright then she can date Benjy.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that the only thing she got out of that woman was the promo code for 7-Eleven. She asked if she can get that. Howard let her go and did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said he was curious if that woman's name was actually Karen. Howard said that it was Samantha. The caller said that she may have used that information to become a Karen.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's hung up on other great callers like him and Apples before because they get annoying. He said he's not sure why she doesn't get that. Howard said he's not trying to get under anyone's skin. He said some people are just annoying and they need to know it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said today is her 60th birthday and she just wanted to say that Howard is gorgeous. Howard said she's sweet. The caller asked if he has looked around at men his age. She said it's not a pretty sight. Howard said he found that women in her age group have to find an 80 year old to date. The caller said that 60 year olds want a 30 year old woman. She said Howard is stunning compared to other men in their 60s. Howard said he thinks she's right.
Howard said he thinks that he was an okay looking guy when he was younger. He said he sees guys his age now and he thinks they look like they're about to drop dead. The caller said she has seen them naked and that's even worse. Howard asked what she does to prepare herself for that. He asked if she closes her eyes or what. The caller, Carrie, said it's more about personality and things like that. She said there are so many wacky people out there that you have to weed them out.
Carrie said that Howard has it all. She said that he has the personality and the looks. Howard said she's right. He said he's seen some people his age and you're shocked when you see them. He said there are some people you see and you just go ''Whoa!'' when you see them.
Howard asked if Carrie is having sex. Carrie said her parents and kids are listening. She said that she has. She said she's dating a new guy now. Howard asked how old. She said he's 65 in August. She said he has a great body and the sex is very good. Howard said there you go. He said father time has the last laugh. Howard asked how her body is. Carrie said she does yoga every day. She said she probably packed on about 5-8 pounds during COVID but she's working on it. She said she feels like she's 35 but she's not. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said he would love to be a handsome guy. He said it's like a super power. He said if you want to see what people look like from high school just go on Facebook. He said that's what he does about once a month. He said there are people he knows from camp or from radio and you wonder what the fuck happened to them.
Howard said that they were talking about famous people running for office. He said he's had enough of it. He said he has no idea where The Rock stands on these issues. He said that's the problem.
Howard took a call from 94 year old Mildred (Chris Wilding) who was saying she only dates men 30 years younger than her. She said she always wanted to fuck Howard. She said she wants to give him a gummer by taking her teeth out. She asked if he has juices rolling out of his cock. She said she's going to put a tub of Vaseline in her cunt so she's ready for his cock. Howard said that's a compelling offer. He thanked her for the call. Robin asked if Howard could make love to a woman the same age as his mother. Howard said maybe with Mildred. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said Robin was a question on Jeopardy last week. Howard said he hasn't been watching but he heard about that. He said he has to look over all the hosts and give an opinion on all of that.
Howard said he has Arnold Schwarzenegger coming in to end the show. Howard had Fake Arnold on the line to talk about these people running for office. Fake Arnold said that he used to be big and famous and ran for office. He said he was on a winning streak. He said he had all of these things going for him. He said then he fucked his maid. He said he has a kid from that and that's great. He said the kid doesn't even have his last name. He said it's hard now because celebrities are running for office. Howard said Caitlyn Jenner is even going to run. Arnold said that he's getting urges again to run. He said ever since he stopped being governor all of his movies stink. He said that no one watched his Apprentice reboot. He said he can't be president of this country but maybe if he talks to Elon Musk he can be president of Mars.
Howard asked Arnold about The Rock running for President. Arnold said that he may have been hit over the head a few too many times. He said he doesn't think that he'd be able to win. He said George Takei may even run for governor. Howard asked if The Rock could be Mr. Universe. Arnold said that his name actually comes from his personality. He said he's kind of dull. Arnold said that he's all just glamour and not like him. He said his muscles actually worked instead of just looking good.
Howard said Arnold had a beautiful physique when he was younger. Arnold said he can't even beat people up in his movies now. Howard said his head looks balanced with his body unlike The Rock's. He said his head looks tiny on his body.
Howard said what he did in Twins was prove that he can go from action to comedy. He said he doesn't think that The Rock can do that. Arnold said that everyone laughs at his action movies.
Howard said Arnold is saying that these celebrities should stay out of politics. Arnold said when you're governor you can do anything. He asked Robin if she would vote for him. Robin said he is very well thought out and he is good. She said she would vote for him. Arnold came from that.
Howard said maybe he should be like Caitlyn Jenner and become Transgender and run again. Arnold said that he has never experienced that before. He said that he's a man and very masculine. Howard said he's going to have him on the show and get hypnotized to be a woman. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said he was trying to get Arnold to say something negative about The Rock but they can't get him to say anything negative. Not even the fake Arnold. Howard said he didn't get to Medicated Pete's mom but he'll get to her tomorrow. He said that will be in honor of Mother's day. He said George Takei will be on tomorrow so that will be nice. He said that he'll be the announcer for the morning.
Howard said George was on last year and he showed that he has a bell he rings to get Brad's attention. He said he claims that wasn't his idea but it was a good idea. Howard said George is 84 and he looks great. Robin said he still looks like himself and not like so many people who don't at that age. Howard said it's pretty amazing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it was great having the Soupy Sales knocking on the door thing. Howard said he's glad he got that reference. He said that's a true fan. Howard wrapped up the show and ended it around 10:25am.
Howard started the show talking about it being another Wednesday morning. Fred played the sound of happiness horn. Howard said there's George Takei (audio drop laughs) who will be with them later this morning. Fred played George saying ''Anilingus'' and things like that.
Howard said they've been asking George to record some stuff for them. He said they ask him to do songs and he's great about it. He said this time they asked him to do some songs and George wanted to pass on some of these songs. He said he used to come in alone and use his own judgment and now he has Brad looking over his shoulder and he's a buzz kill. He had a preview of that. He said this is George telling our producers that he didn't want to do this song. Howard played the clip and George said he's known as a distinguished gentleman and that song is way below his standard. Howard said you can tell Brad killed that song.
Gary said that Brad let them know that this was not his decision. He said he thinks this is George seeing himself as a spokesperson for the gay and Asian communities. Howard asked why he's getting this way at 84 years old.
Howard said this is the song they wanted George to sing. He played the song that Chris Wilding sang instead of George. It was a song about swallowing jizz and things like that.
Howard said he thinks Gary is wrong about the Brad thing. He said he has done songs in the past that were more outrageous. He played some examples. He sang a song about Brad's big balls. He sang about dreaming of a white penis for a Christmas song parody. Howard laughed as that played.
Howard said it's not Christmas until he hears those songs. Robin said he's also a gay spokesperson. Howard said you have to have some gay songs. Howard played more songs that George has done in the past where he sang about gay stuff.
Howard said Brad even told Gary that the acoustics in the room didn't fit the musical recordings. Howard said they have to get rid of this pandemic to get George in the studio by himself. He said that was a lot more fun.
Robin said in recent years he must have gotten a good talking to before he came in. Howard did his George impression and had him talking about anilingus. Fred played George saying beef bourguignon and he said it like ''boof bourguignon.''
Gary said there was a drama about Brad not having a pillow set up for George correctly. He told Howard that story. Howard said they should have a reality show. He said it would be the greatest. Robin said the discussion about them spreading Brad's mom's ashes was fascinating. Howard said the bell that he has to ring was the greatest thing. He'd ring the bell to get his attention. Robin said the best is watching them release the ashes and they were on the side of a mountain somewhere. She said all of the ashes blew on to George and Brad when they spread them. Howard said they didn't test the wind velocity beforehand. Robin said they were covered in ash when they got in the car. Robin said that Brad said that mother was all over him and George said that he got some of her in his eye.
Howard said George will be in later in the show today. He said he should get one of those bells to get Beth's attention. He said if he does that she should take him and his wheelchair and push him over a mountain.
Howard said he was watching the documentary about the NXIVM cult and that guy didn't even have a bell. He said he was able to summon the women without it.
Howard had fake George on the line to demonstrate the bell thing. Fake George was ringing the bell and asking Brad to come over. Howard asked fake George if he thinks that's kind of demeaning. George said he used to give brad treats when he'd call but now he enjoys it.
Howard asked George to take it easy on brad while they're in quarantine. He said a lot of people are gaining weight. Howard said that George was the first one to teach him the pronunciation of Guacamole. Fake George did that and called for Brad asking him how he pronounces that word. He kept ringing the bell and asked Brad to help him out.
Howard asked how many ways he can say Guacamole. George went through the different ways of saying it that he knew. He called for Brad to bring his blanket to him again.
Howard said he was thinking of him and he doesn't think Kim Jong Un even has a bell. George asked if he's comparing him to a dictator. Howard said he is. George said he finds that very offensive. Howard said that he's a great spokesperson for the gay community and the Asian community. George said he's at a place where he can speak up for those who can not speak. He rang the bell for Brad again and said he must be eating something.
Howard said maybe he should get a Bat Signal instead of the bell for Brad. He said the bell can come off the wrong way. He said that it comes off very Bourgeois. Howard asked if he's pronouncing that correctly. George helped him out with that and other words that he's gone over in the past.
Howard asked Robin if Brad Pitt wanted to bang her the rest of her life but she had to answer a bell when he rang it, he thinks that she'd turn him down. Robin said she's thinking about it. She said that's tough. She said she just has to answer to a bell but everything is great. Howard said he has to bring him his blanket and pillow. Robin said you might have to work into that. George said that you start off small and work your way up to yelling at the top of your lungs. Howard said that Robin is not obedient like Brad is.
Howard asked fake George about the wrestling he does with Brad. George said it's worked into the Sumo type of wrestling with Brad in the past few years. He said he used to be a thoroughbred but no he's eating bread thoroughly.
Howard said who needs George when they have fake George. Howard let him go after that. Howard said they'll talk to real George later in the show. He said maybe they'll have the two Georges on.
Howard played more of the song parodies that George had done in the past. Robin said it's funny that at this point in his life that he's found something new.
Howard said this is audio of George setting up for the show. He played the clip and George was complaining about his seat setup. Howard said Brad runs the show over there. He said there's a whole dynamic going on there. Robin said George comes in and just plops himself down in it and Brad says he's too far and George says that's where the chair was. Howard said Brad is the interview. He did his impression of George talking to Brad about that chair. Howard had to play the clip again.
Howard said George is the star and Brad is the helper. He said he's not sure what to call him. Howard did his George voice telling Brad to be his foot stool and to feed him with a spoon. Howard said George gets that Brad hopping. Robin said that Brad can't get away after all these years. Howard asked for a bell. He said he wants to try it out on Beth. Fred played a bell sound.
Howard said he has Baba Booey instead of a Brad. He called for Gary to wipe his ass and untangle his feet so he can walk now. Robin asked when you get to a point where you tell the person that you didn't move the chair to the right place.
Howard was asking Baba Booey to wipe the piss of his penis and things like that. He was doing his George impression while he was asking for that. Fred played the bell sound when he'd do that. Howard said they'll hear from George later in the show. Then he was asking for dry oatmeal like they have audio of George doing years ago.
Howard said George is up to a lot of stuff. He said he's a spokesperson for the Asian community. Robin said a friend of her's was assaulted on her way to the subway. She said she's an Asian woman and some construction workers scared the guy away. She said she had to go to the hospital to get some scrapes and cuts taken care of. Howard said he loves the Asian people. He said he doesn't love all people. Robin said she does. Howard asked why she didn't let Benjy visit her in the hospital. Robin said he showed her that he's not that lovable. She said she still loves him but she won't let him visit.
Howard said he hasn't seen Anderson Cooper yet. He said he saw that FOX News put out that he had the lowest ratings ever for Jeopardy. He said they hate him over there at FOX News. He said he hasn't seen Katie Couric yet. He said that his DVR stopped recording the show for some reason. He said they really have to get a permanent host. He said it can get annoying to people if they don't have that. He said they'll get tired of the rotating hosts.
Howard said Bill Whitaker is the host right now. He said that Aaron Rogers was really good.
Howard had Jon Hein on to talk about the betting on who will be the host. Howard asked if he's still betting on Ken Jennings. Jon said he'll double the bet. Robin said everyone else has been better than Ken. Jon told her to stop it. Jo said Aaron Rogers was really good. He said he said that he prepared for it very hard like it was a game. Howard said he would have bet on Aaron but not on Ken. He said that Anderson Cooper could do that show and all of his other duties. Jon said they don't want that though. He said it feels like it's desperate stunt casting right now but they're doing this through August.
Howard said he thinks that George Stephanopoulos is the guy. He said he hasn't heard from him even though he was the one who said he should be the host. He said that it could be a big load of money if you get that job. He said it makes gobs of money and they can pay the host well. He said it's remarkable how much money they can make doing a show like that.
Jon said that July should be interesting with the hosts they have lined up. Howard said that he thinks that Robin Roberts could do it. He said George would be great. He said he'd love to know what went on with Michael Strahan and Kelly Ripa. He wants him to come on the show and tell him the truth.
Howard said they say that Alex Trebek was making $16 million in 2016. He said they record the whole season in like a day or so. He said it's something ridiculous like that. Jon said he thinks that they worked like 24 days.
Howard said they came to him with some game shows and he has a radio show to do. He said they told him that he could do a schedule that would let him do an entire season in 8 fucking days. He said he started thinking about it. He said 8 days and all of that dough. He said that he told his wife it was too good to be true. Robin said that Jeopardy was run like a factory. Howard said he turned it down but he may have made a mistake. He said he's not sure if he wanted to do something that shoddy. He said he has a reputation. Robin said the day she shot Jeopardy they had to be doing 5 or 6 shows a day. Jon said he thinks they do 5 a day. Howard said they do a week's worth in one day according to what he read. Robin said that she did the show and they had a lot of people there. Howard said George Stephanopoulos would love doing that. He said that he could do one day a week and $16 million a year. Robin said they shot on weekends when she id the show. Howard said that was Celebrity Jeopardy. Robin said her shows didn't come on for months. She said they could have shot years of shows if they knew that Alex wasn't going to be around. Howard said they could have kept him going with Chemo and all of that. He said they could have worked him to death.
Howard said Pat Sajak has a big empty skull doing Wheel of Fortune. He said imagine his schedule. He said he probably works a day a week. Jon said they have that show down. He said they go to Hawaii and places like that too. He said you have to know the rules for the show to be a host.
Howard said he should play this for the guys. He said they have rules on shows like Jeopardy are very specific. He said you have to answer correctly. Howard said he has some examples of people saying the wrong thing on shows like Wheel of Fortune. Howard said a contestant appeared to answer correctly and Pat Sajak said he got it wrong. Howard played a clip and the guy added an ''and'' in there and he got it wrong.
Howard said you have to have a rule or there's chaos on the show. He said they have to pay off both contestants if you don't do it right. Howard said you have to follow the rules.
Jon said Pat did warn the guy and told him not to add anything. He said you have to know the rules. Howard said he wants to do an angry game show where you yell at the contestants.
Howard said this is another example from 2019 where they told the contestant not to add anything. The woman did add an ''and'' in that one too. Howard said he told her not to add anything. Howard said there are irregularities with game shows and you have to have rules.
Robin said Ellen has a show where she dunks people in water. She said she hates when she does that. Howard said he didn't know that. He said he likes the sound of that. Howard said he thinks Pat Sajak would love to have that on his show. JD said that Pat says the rule very quickly and it sounds like he wants them to get it wrong. Jon said he's helping them. Howard said he tells them not to add anything. JD said he says it very quickly though. He said it's a specific type of puzzle they're solving. Howard asked if JD thinks they should have won those puzzles. JD said they all know what they're doing there. Howard said they can't add a word. He said it's very specific. Robin said you have to solve the puzzle and just put the right pieces in.
Howard said he thinks JD is upset about the puzzle thing because he mumbles so much that they would tell him he's wrong even if he answered correctly. JD said whatever. Howard said JD just adds too much stuff.
Howard said JD is a spelling bee guy and he's very upset about the national spelling bee rules. He asked what the big rule was. JD said it wasn't adding ''and'' to an answer but they're adding vocabulary to the question and you have to guess what the word means. He said it's not just spelling it. JD said Jon said something about that. Howard said it's funnier when JD talks about it. JD said they have to get a word and guess what it means. He said it's not a vocabulary bee, it's a spelling bee. Howard said that he'd like JD to give an example. He told JD to tell him what antidisestablishmentarianism. JD tried to explain it and Jon said that you are there to spell and not give a definition. He said they have too many kids winning. He said they had an 8 person tie last time. Howard asked how you have 8 winners on a spelling bee. Jon said they did. JD said they ran out of words.
Howard said he heard that Jon and JD text each other during the spelling bee. Jon said he came in second place in his 5th grade spelling bee. He said he and JD do play along. He said they get some wrong but they do pretty well. Robin asked where his trophy is. Jon said it broke and he's not sure where it is. He said he's surprised that JD didn't go after the local bees. JD said he went into the city and lost out on ''implausible.'' Howard said he can spell that. Howard spelled it. JD said he spelled it with an A. Howard said he had so few success in life why didn't he stick with it. JD said that was around the time he moved from Ohio to Florida and that was a whole thing. JD puppet said he lost his super power doing that.
Howard said in Florida they had no spelling bee for 7th graders? JD said he doesn't think they did. He said it was different down there. He said that they had a cut off in Ohio. Jon said he thinks that JD would have been eligible. Howard said he thinks that JD cracked under pressure and just went off to do his thing.
Howard said JD's spelling bee trophy is very valuable to him. He said he knows it's a big deal in his life. He said peaked in 6th grade. He said that's sad. He said he retired in 6th grade. Robin said she thinks that he just didn't have spelling bees there where he lived and his parents weren't going to go look for him. JD said he's looking at the eligibility thing now. He said it says that the speller must not have passed 8th grade. He said it also says that the speller must have gone to a certain school. Robin said his parents weren't paying attention to him either. JD said he would have tried out if he was eligible. Howard said maybe they can get some 7th graders in there to compete against JD. Robin said she loved the movie where Jason Bateman was still entering spelling bees. Howard said that JD told him that if his wife ever broke the trophy that he'd be very upset with her. JD said it's right there. Howard asked him to show it to them. Jon said it means to world to JD. JD read what it said on the engraving. JD said it was from 1991-92. He was the champion in that year. Robin asked what year he was born. JD said that he was born in 1979.
Howard said it was all downhill from there. JD said he is there though. Howard said it's not so great being there. JD said not all the time.
Howard said JD should direct message OJ and tell him that his wife just broke his trophy and what should he do to correct her. Robin said OJ went to prison for trying to get some of his trophies back. JD said he would be upset if his wife broke the trophy on purpose. Howard said they could have so much fun with OJ if they asked him about that. Howard did his OJ impression and had him giving JD some advice on what to do with his wife. He said he would raise his hand to his wife Nicole and give her a warning. He said that he's an expert in disrespectful wives. He said his wife no longer disrespects him. He said he has to get firm with his wife. He said you break his trophy, he breaks her neck. He said don't forget to buy lots of bleach if you're going to make threats like that.
Howard said JD has to get OJ back on his feed. Robin said he should DM him and say he didn't mean to block him. JD said he'll get right on that. Howard kept doing the OJ voice and told JD what to tell his wife about breaking that trophy. He told JD not to drop his gloves either.
Howard had OJ asking his wife to spell ''Decapitation.'' He told JD he has to get OJ back on Twitter.
Howard said that Nicole never messed with OJ's trophies. He said what JD should do is DM OJ and tell him that his wife was the one who blocked him on his account. JD said he's not doing that.
Howard said he knows something about JD he doesn't want him talking about. He said he heard that JD has a mug he doesn't want to show because it's kind of a cancel thing. JD said that it's a mug he got from Dixie Stampede when he was a kid. He said that the word Dixie is the kind of thing they get rid of these days. He said he doesn't want people finding it and canceling him. Howard asked if Dixie Cups have to change their name. JD said he's not sure if they did.
Howard asked if he should play more of the controversies from the game shows. Robin asked if there's really more. Howard said one woman lost for not sounding out the letter G in ''swimming.'' Howard played the clip and they didn't give it to her when she said ''swimmin.'' Jon said that was the right call. He said she didn't say swimming. Howard said they have to do that or you have to give other people a break. JD said he can see the crossword puzzle format thing but that one was too much. Howard said George would lose on Guacamole. He said he says it ''Whockamole.''
Howard said this guy got it wrong on Jeopardy when he said ''Gangster's Paradise'' instead of ''Gansta's Paradise.'' Howard played that clip. Howard said he's calling bullshit on that one. He said that was wrong. Howard said the word is Gangster. He said who cares if Coolio says ''Gangsta.''
Howard said it's not cool to take the money away 10 minutes later. Robin said it's the judges who do that.
Howard played another clip from Jeopardy 2013 when someone said the character name Elaine the wrong way in a question about Seinfeld. Howard said he's calling bullshit on that one too. He said the guy said Elaine.
Howard said in another clip a guy said ''Wimbeldon'' wrong. Howard played that clip and the guy said ''Wimbeton.'' They took $800 away from that guy for that screw up. Robin said that was very clear. Jon said he agrees.
Howard said back at K-Rock Tom was able to keep money they saved in the budget for himself if he kept it down. He said that's why he was so cheap according to what he heard. He said maybe that's what they told Alex Trebek on the show.
Howard said even on Kid's week on Jeopardy they don't go easy on the contestants. Howard played a clip where a kid wrote down the wrong answer. He misspelled Emancipation. Robin said that's tough. Jon said the kids are smart so you can't bend the rules for that. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and let the Fleetwood Mac song play a little bit. He said it's a beautiful song. He said he has some facts to read about the song. He had some details about how Stevie Nicks wrote the song after her divorce from Lindsay Buckingham. Howard said that was a good fact. He said he has more Casey Kasem type facts. He had more details about the band and the song.
Howard said that things got ugly when Stevie was told that this song was going to be cut from the album. Howard said the Silver Springs is referring to Silver Springs, Maryland. He said that it was symbolic to Stevie and she thought that Lindsay could have been her Silver Springs. Robin said that Howard lived in Silver Springs. Howard said he thought it was Bethesda. Robin said it was right on the line. Howard said it went right through him. He said he didn't remember that he lived in Maryland. Robin said they both used to see it every day. Howard said he totally blocked that out. Howard read more about Stevie and Lindsay.
Ralph said that she won't get the vaccination. He said that she thinks that she's done research by just poking around on the internet. Howard said Wolfie's brother emailed him and thanked him for trying to talk sense into his mother. Howard said this is from Byron. He read his comments and Byron was thanking him for trying to talk sense to her.
Howard said Wolfie talked to his mom after the show and asked if she will get vaccinated. Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said she's going to say no. She said she doesn't want it to be no but it will be no.
Howard played the clip and Barb said that she did get her appointment for her other shots for Shingles but not for the COVID vaccine. She said she is swaying toward it though. She said she wants to do more research on it. She said that she thinks it's an 80 percent chance that she'll get vaccinated. Howard said that 20 percent is going to keep her from doing it. Robin said she's going to read more nonsense on the internet about it.
Howard said he wasn't trying to get her to get the shingles shot but he did that. He said that the shot that the fearless leader invented she doesn't trust. He said he doesn't get that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he started getting ass itch when he heard Chris talking about it yesterday. He said he's never had that before. Howard said that they do say that just talking about things can get you to think you have it. He said before World War II there was no back pain but then after the war everyone was getting back pain. Robin said it's called mass hysteria. The caller asked if he should cover his balls or what. Howard said he should.
Howard said he was a little rough on Ass Napkin Ed yesterday. He said he called him a communist. He said he likes Ed and he has provided a lot of material for the show. He said Ass Napkin Ed started in that he's a liberal and he's a Libertarian and he told him he's not because he takes public assistance. He said he decided that he's just going to stick to his worms and itchy ass. Robin said he's mixing up libertarian and Libertine. She said that a Libertine just does whatever they want and leaves the mess for everyone else to clean up. Howard said she might be right.
Howard said Ass Napkin Ed is hot right now and one of the hottest Wack Packers at the moment. He said he has more Ass Napkin Ed and Ass Napkin Chris to bring you. He said he has a couple of clips to play.
Howard played a clip of Ass Napkin Ed talking about how he was out taking a shit in an alley and a cop arrested him. Wolfie asked if he got shit down his legs. Ed said he did. He said they hit him on his back on his spine so that forced even more out. Howard said Ed thinks he can just shit in the street and not have something happen. He said that's not a Libertarian.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie talking to Ed about his arrest during his shit. Ed said they fucked his back up and he got more shit on his pants and underwear. He said he was full of shit and he could have a lawsuit. Robin asked what the lawsuit would be about. Howard said they cops let him go and didn't bring him to jail.
Howard said Wolfie got Ass Napkin Chris on the phone with Ed and he shared some stories about going to jail. Howard played the clip and Ass Napkin Chris talked about how he was called Susie in prison because he was like the woman there. He said he got fucked in the ass in prison and they spat in his ass to lube him up. Ed asked why he didn't stop them from fucking him. Ass Napkin Chris said that he tried. Ed said he wouldn't have let them do that to him and he would have fought his way out of that.
Howard said Ed has a thing for Robin. He said they talked about her in this next clip. Howard played that clip and Ed was talking about how great Howard is now. Ass Napkin Chris asked if he jerks off listening to the show. Ed said he did that today. He talked about Robin and how nice her body is. He talked about how he would be on his stomach and she'd be on her stomach and he'd fuck her from behind.
Howard did his Ass Napkin Howard voice and had him talking about what he'd do to Robin. Howard asked how he's never been to prison.
Howard asked Chris how creepy that conversation got about Robin. He got Chris on and Chris did his Ass Napkin Chris voice and talked about what Ed was talking about with Robin. Ass Napkin Howard and Ass Napkin Chris were talking about the stuff they would do to Robin with her on her stomach with her legs closed like Ed was talking about.
Howard played a clip where Ass Napkin Chris and Ass Napkin Ed were talking about jerking off and Ed told Chris about how he bought women's clothes and he jerks off into them. He said that Facebook has women's clothes for sale and he looks at who is selling them and he knows whose pussy was in there. Chris said Ed goes on Facebook and finds a woman selling her undergarments and jerks off thinking about them being in them.
Howard said imagine this guy is buying stuff from you on Facebook. He said guys had to have invented that whole thing. Robin said you wonder what's wrong with men when you hear about this stuff.
Ass Napkin Howard and Ass Napkin Chris were talking about the stuff Ed buys and how it tested with ball cheese in them instead of women's bodily fluids.
Howard said men are disgusting. He said no wonder so many men want to become women. Gary said back in the early 90s they had a listener call and ask for Robin's panties. He said he went out and got some 3XL panties and soaked them in panties for a week. He said he rubbed a Hershey bar into it and his wife asked him what he was doing. He said he just had to do something for work.
Howard said they should say thank you to Ass Napkin Ed. He said that he is very entertaining. He said that he has a lot of stories he's shared. He asked if Ass Napkin Chris will be calling him more. Chris said ''Oh yeah!'' He did it in his Ass Napkin Chris voice. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he was watching a movie with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis that was really cute. He said it wasn't a great movie but he and Beth watched the whole thing. He said they will never admit how much they love that movie. He said if he was on the stand he'd say it was horrible. He said that they really liked the movie. He said he likes movies where there's no conflict. He said they did break up for a little while but they got back together. He said Mila Kunis is so cute in it. He said Justin Timberlake is good too. He said you don't think of him making good music but he has. He said he wonders what happened to the guy. He said he's not making music now. Robin said he's an actor now. Howard said he and Beth are counting the days until Kissing Booth 3 comes out this summer.
Howard said George Takei is a great spokesman for the gay community and the Asian community. He said that he has been screaming about the treatment of Japanese Americans for years. He said he is his main man and a distinguished gentleman. He got George on and said that he has added ''stand back'' to his Live Long and Prosper hand signal. Howard said he hopes we never go back to shaking hands after this pandemic. George said he loves hugging people so he misses that. He said he is a Japanese American and while in quarantine he bows. He said when it's over he's coming at you.
Howard said he thinks that George is more famous and visible than William Shatner at this point. He said he's been at war with him for a long time. George said it's a friendly thing. He said William is a difficult person to work with. He said he and Brad were talking this morning and they have been together longer than all 5 of Bill's marriages. Howard asked if they really had that conversation this morning. He said that's a great thing. He said it's not just you, it's the wives who can't get along with Bill. George said they were even talking about work and how Bill would vanish at the end of the day. He said he can't imagine all of that.
Howard asked George if he's an extreme narcissist or what. George said he thinks his self possession is overwhelming and anything else is something that's either useful or not useful to him. He said that the most important person to Bill is himself.
Howard said in a way all those years that he was complaining about Bill he'd come on the show and make it seem like George was the crazy one. He said Bill would claim that he was the one who was insane. Howard asked if he's so good at acting normal in public that he makes it seem that way. George said he's a wonderful actor and he is persuasive. He said that he is a strong character as Captain Kirk. He said that fits him to a tee. He said he created that character using a lot of himself. He said that's the mark of a good actor.
Howard asked if George was driven nuts by what he would say about him. George said he would if he took him seriously. He said that he takes him as long as he can and then he checks out at 5 o'clock.
Howard said Bill would claim that he didn't know him that well. He said that has to drive him nuts. George said it's unbelievable. He said that is a fantasy of his mind. He said maybe that's his truth though. He said he may be there 12 hours and he didn't think he knew him that well because he was ignoring him. Howard said maybe that was it.
Howard said he was looking at his schedule and his life is coming back. He said he's scheduled to go to the Orlando Mega-Con in August. George said he misses that stuff. He said you feel wonderful when people love you that much. He said we all have that need. He said they fulfill it for him. He said that they add to the diversity of life. He said he does that one day and then he's on the transit authority board the next.
Howard said that it must be a false kind of love from the fans. George said that is the danger. He said that you have to enjoy it and embrace it but you know it's not the world. He said that's just one segment of the life he's blessed with.
George said that he's been deprived of many things during the pandemic. He said they are able to stay in touch with technology and you have to adjust to all of that.
Robin asked if there was any communication with the fans on Zoom or any platforms like that. George said not in the convention type of thing. He said in small Zoom conversations there was.
Howard said George is scheduled in August at that convention. George said he has about half a dozen scheduled. Howard said Shatner is scheduled days before he is. He asked if he thinks that Bill set it up that way. He said that he'll be there on Thursday and Friday and George will be there on Saturday and Sunday. George said that only Howard would think that. He said he doesn't know and he doesn't care. He said they're the better days for him. Howard said that Bill and George are the only ones left. George said that Nichele is still around but her son has taken her away to New Mexico. He said that she was taken advantage of by her manager so her son took her away from all of that. George said that he has been in touch with her son and he tries to play any role that he can for them. He said he doesn't want to get too involved in all of that. Howard said he doesn't know anything about this manager thing. George said her home was decimated. He said that things were being broken up by the manager from what he's heard. Howard said he doesn't know anything about this. George said that the manager has disappeared.
Howard said that George is as big a star as Bill Shatner. He said that he has come into his own. He said this is the ultimate thing. He said it must be wonderful. George said that Star Trek is wonderful but he has other things that pay off too. He said that in recent times this horrible thing with the anti-Asian hate has popped up again. Howard said it's unbelievable. George said it's the elderly that are being picked on and killed. Howard said it's really crazy.
Howard said he wants to give George a piece of advice. He said that he's important to both the gay and Asian communities. He said maybe lose the bell when he rings that for Brad. He asked if he still has that. George picked it up and rang it. Brad showed up immediately. Howard said he thinks he should lose it because it makes him look like an elitist. George said it's practical. He said sometimes he has to get up and go to the other side of the house.
Howard said Gary was able to spend some time with Brad earlier on Zoom. Howard said George came in like the king and Brad had him sit. He said he sat and said the chair was in the wrong place. He said that he seems like he's very demanding. He asked Brad how he feels. Brad said he feels important. He said that he has something to do with his life. Howard said he's a bit like William Shatner. George said he takes umbrage with that.
Howard said they asked George to record a song that George said he didn't want to do. He asked Brad if that was his idea. Brad said that gay people feel that he's a role model so he felt like the lyrics weren't the thing tat he should be singing about. Howard said he knew it was Brad. He said that they had to invent a fun George because of this. Howard had Fun George (fake George) come on. Fun George was ringing his bell and talking about his own Brad and how he's not as fun as the real Brad. George asked if his Brad is as great as his Brad. Fun George said that his Brad is a little bit out of shape so he rings the bell to get him to work out. Howard said that Fun George would have recorded this song. Fun George said he would have. He said he'll do whatever they want him to do. He said he'll do multiple takes and have multiple orgasms.
Brad said that if George was back in studio he might have attempted that song parody but it was very complicated for the home environment. Fun George said he's not that picky. He sang the song parody for the guys.
Howard asked what the differences are for Fun George and George. Fun George said he wrestles his Brad on more days than just Sunday. He rang his bell for his Brad again. Brad asked if Fun Brad has a gay voice. Fun George said he has no idea because Brad is never there for him. He asked for his Dry Oatmeal.
Howard asked Brad if he has to bring George his oatmeal and things like that. Brad said he finally taught him how to make his own coffee. He said he does bring him hot water. He said he's like his little servant.
Howard said this is what he's worried about. He said he is a man of the people and he worries that having this bell will make it seem like he's not. George said they were living in a town house and he had to climb stirs a lot. He said they looked for a single floor home and that sprawls. He said that he can shout and he won't hear him. He said he had to go around bellowing for him but the bell is helpful. Howard said he would just text his wife. He said maybe if he just texted. Brad said he does not know how to text. He said he doesn't know how to talk to Alexa either. Howard said it's almost like this is Brad's internment camp. George laughed.
Howard said George is such a man of science so why doesn't he text. George said he has Brad to help do that. He said he's very accommodating. Robin said he could talk to Siri. Fun George said ''Hey Google! Find Brad.''
Fun George said that his Brad never speaks because he's constantly blowing him. Howard asked George and Brad how their sex life is. He said the fact that they have a loving relationship is a testament. Brad said that George is 84 and he's 67. He said let the audience fantasize about their sex life. Howard said he gets it. He said he's the same age as Brad. He said that he and Beth had sex on Friday and he masturbated on Saturday and Sunday. He said that's pretty amazing for a guy his age. He said that Brad must have that need too. He asked if George is satisfying his needs. Brad said that he thinks maybe he has more needs than he does but he feels more satisfied now than he did in the past. He said he doesn't worry about George cheating on him now. Howard said he does. Brad said they do masturbate.
Howard asked George how he's feeling about sex now. George said once a week is enough. He said he still does his push ups every day. Howard said that Brad looks much younger than 67. He said George looks great too. George said he makes him walk with him every morning. Howard said George looks ridiculously young for an 84 year old. George said that's the push ups. He said the sit ups aren't good for your lower back so he does leg lifts. He said that is very challenging. Howard said his abdomen is very flat and hard so that's amazing. George said he has had some flesh added to it lately. He said he is getting a belly. Howard said he has a belly too. He said he's not sure what to do. He said he does a work out but it's kind of lame. He said he's been lazy about the sit ups. He said he used to do them. George said that they're not good for your lower back. He said try doing leg lifts.
Fun George said that he needs a fun doctor. Fun George said he has been trained for an ass reaming by his Fun Brad. Howard asked if Fun George has anything else to say to George and Brad. Fun George said that it was fun talking to them and it's very fun to look at himself. Howard asked Fun George what he says for Anilingus. He said it in his own way since George says it in his own way. He said Tsunami in his own special way too. George tried speaking Japanese to him and Fun George said ''good morning'' in Japanese. Fun George said that he just looked it up and George said that he wanted to fuck him in Japanese. George said he has to meet Fun George to see what he looks like. Howard asked how big his penis is. Fun George said it's a delicious sushi roll size. George asked if it's a slim roll or a thick roll. Fun George said that it's spicier without the Wasabi sauce.
Howard said it would be great if the real George Takei met the Fun George Takei. He said that they could do a sketch or something. He said that it seems like there is a sexual tension there. George asked where Fun George lives. Brad said he wants him to do more Wikipedia research on George. He asked if he's cut or uncut. Fun George said that we'll have to see. He said now he's tongue twisted.
Howard said George told him that he is uncut. Robin said she didn't know that was in Wikipedia. Howard asked George why he doesn't ring the bell and ask for oral sex. He said he should role play like that. George said that he doesn't want him far away when they have sex. He said this bell comes into play only when he's far away.
Brad said he's not sure he'd want to do oral after hearing that bell ring. Howard said he has to say that he would think there would be role play. He said he thinks that he'd ring the bell and ask for oral. Robin said it might make the bell more fun. George said it would be like Pavlov's dog. Howard said he's like the head master and Brad is a naughty school boy.
Howard said he has to thank Fun George for stopping by. Fun George said they know how to find him. He said just ring a bell. Howard let Fun George go after that. Howard said they weren't able to get a hold of Fun Brad today. George said he must be off having fun.
Howard said he thinks that George and Brad have done more for gay relations than anything. He said they represent a loving relationship and they prove every day that love doesn't matter if it's between a man and a woman or not. He said that they show that it can be between two men. George said they have been living long and prospering.
Brad said that they fell in love in the 80s and that's around the time of AIDS and he didn't know if George would test negative or positive. George said they were terrified to have sex. He said after they got the test taken the wait time was killing. He said it was a relief when they discovered they were both negative. He said they celebrated that night. He said all of that pent up energy...
Howard said it was like Russian Roulette back in the 80s. George said that AIDS brought them that much closer without sex. He said they grew stronger and tighter because of that. Howard asked how long it was they didn't have sex. George said it was months. Howard asked if they jerked each other off. George said of course they did that. Howard said that Brad had a great body back then. He said he has seen the painting. George asked when he did that. Brad said that the key to their relationship has been sexual fidelity.
Howard said that they weren't able to have full on blow jobs but they were able to rub their penises. George said that it was too tempting so they didn't do that. He said they were disciplined. Howard said that he doesn't believe that. Brad said that he has a different recollection. Howard asked if he's saying that George is senile. George laughed. Howard asked if they were doing everything but blowing each other. Brad said that's what he recalls. Howard said that had to be tough for George. He said his mouth must have been on fire. George said the restraint was unbearable. He said they were so close and they had to pull back because they didn't want to take that risk. He said the tension was intolerable. He said then it explodes.
Brad said that when George did fellatio on him he was out of practice. He said it wasn't the best he had ever had. Howard asked if it was a lot of teeth. Brad said it was. Howard asked how he taught him. Brad said it was just practice. George said he thought he was good. He said that it's two different realities.
Brad said that George likes to have his nipples tickled when they have sex. Howard said that's odd to him. George said they all have their own erogenous zones. He said that his whole body is like an erogenous zone. Howard said they know from what he's said in the past.
Howard said what's funny is that they read books about outliers and how you have to put in 10,000 hours to get good at something. He said George put in his 10,000 hours but he wasn't the best at giving blow jobs. Howard said you'd think that a man would know how to please another man since they have a penis. Brad said that with masturbation you know how to do it yourself so that's the best sex you can have.
Howard asked George how it was when Brad put his mouth on his penis for the first time. George said he remembers him pulling him to the side of the bed. He said he was stretching his body and he was ready to explode. He said then his mouth went over it and it was explosive. He said he still remembers that first one. He said he was arched over the bed and his musculature was stretched over the bed.
Howard asked if he ever put a finger up his ass. He said that's what he would do. Brad said George doesn't really like that. George asked how he would know. Howard asked what his fantasy is. George said that he has been telling him all these years. Howard asked what it is that he won't do. He asked if he wants him to eat his ass. George said yes. Brad said he didn't know that. He said that he thought that it was kind of a dirty place for doing things like that. Howard said he must have a Toto toilet. George said they have two actually. Howard said that's the best way to clean up back there. He said he has that too. George told Howard how they found out about the Toto in Japan when they were over there.
Howard said he has the ability to shoot the water in his ass and burp it out. He said that all the excrement comes out. He said if George is using that and getting clean back there maybe that makes it okay for Brad. Brad said he has to say no to that. He said that there are other things going on back there with George. He said he may have a hemorrhoid going on. Howard asked if that's true. George said there was a long time ago but not anymore. He said the Toto toilet lets you avoid using toilet paper for anything but drying it. Howard said what George is trying to say is that this is a fantasy of his. He said he is getting older and maybe he should turn him over and do that thing.
Brad said that George uses that Metamucil thing that Howard does. He said George was constipated for a few days and he took some laxatives and he became explosive so he's afraid of that. Howard said he's with him on that. He said he just knows that George wants it so badly. George said that he feels like Howard is his agent right now. Howard said as loose as they are it's hard to ask for what you want. George said he asks. Howard asked why Brad never heard he wanted a tongue up his ass. George said he didn't want it that badly. He said he does play with his nipples like he asks him to do. He said that his nipples get an erection.
Howard asked how long Brad spends on his nipples. Brad said it might be up to 5 minutes. He said that's where he gets most of his pleasure. He said that the cumming part is over fast. George said that's because he has spent so much time on his nipples and he's ready to go. He said he's been hard that long.
George said he can't believe they're having this conversation at this time of morning. Howard said he thinks it's great to talk about it. Howard asked if Brad just licks his nips or bites them. George said he will nibble on them. Brad said it's like kitten bites.
Howard said that it's very hard to talk about Asian rights after all of this. Robin said they have had obstacle after obstacle to get over. She said that they have had a lot of things that have gone on and on over the years and now this anti-Asian stuff they have to deal with. Howard said they are so joyous and so full of life.
Howard said George walks like a young man. George said Brad keeps him young. He said he has to keep himself in shape because he's with a younger man. Howard said you know a younger man is going to come in and rock his world when he's gone. George said he wants Brad to be happy. He said he wants him to enjoy his life fully.
Howard asked if George will really want him to be happy. He said he doesn't want Beth to be happy when he's gone. George said that they're Buddhists and they have a different feeling. He said that he's in this shape right now but when he passes he returns back to the vast oneness of the universe.
Howard said that George will be upset if he sees that Brad is having fun when he's gone. George said that he would be now but he won't be if he's gone. Howard said Brad will have the bell and he'll be ringing it. George said he'll will it to Brad.
Howard said he wants to bring their next guest on. He said Mitch McConnell asked to come on to talk to George. He said that he thinks that George is whining too much. George said that he's the one who has been whining too much. Howard put fake Mitch on with George. Fake Mitch talked about how much of a whiner he is. George fought back and talked to Mitch like he was the real guy. He was arguing about them denying the Merrick Garland nomination to go through.
Howard let Fake Mitch and George go at each other for a couple of minutes. Then Mitch started singing the song parody that George turned down.
Mitch was talking about how he had friends who were in the Japanese American Interment camps and they didn't think they were so bad. That set George off and he was going on and on about how wrong that is.
Howard said this is a serious show and a serious topic. George told Mitch that he's blind and deaf. Mitch asked if he's going to go on Twitter and bitch about him now. Mitch said that he's going to get another hemorrhoid if he keeps this up.
Howard let Fake Mitch go and got back to Brad and George. He said that they shouldn't force Brad to do the ass eating thing. He said that he's treating him like he has worms but he's as clean as a whistle. Brad said that this may lead to some of George's meetings being canceled this month. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said that their sense of humor is an inspiration. He said that they laugh and cry and they are everything good about couples. He said they're his favorite couple. George said they think the same thing about Howard. Howard said it's great to touch base with them.
Howard asked what they made of The Bachelor, Colton, coming out as gay. He said he finally said he had to come clean about it after being with the women on the show. He said that it's sad in this day and age that he felt he had to pretend. Howard asked what their thoughts are. George said he understands his position. He said he was closeted for most of his adult life. He said he came out publicly in 2005 when he was 68. He said that was very tough. He went off on Arnold Schwarzenegger vetoing the bill that could have made it a law to have equality in California. Howard asked if he wishes that he had all of this freedom back in his 20s. George said he doesn't think about coulda, woulda, shoulda. He said he was part of the movement for the gay rights and he's proud of that. He said being closeted back then was the reality at the time. He said that he was a strong proponent of peace. He said this country was split in half. Howard said he would be honored to eat his ass. He said forget about Brad. He said that George has been on the right side of history for a long time.
Howard asked Bread when he was out. Brad said he was in the closet when he was with George early on. He said he wasn't really out. Howard asked if he had women around and Brad would play his manager or something. George said that he did have beards. Howard asked how that worked. George said he has friends who happen to be female and they knew their situation and accommodated him. He said they had an understanding. He said one he knew was a lesbian herself. Howard said what an amazing story. He said he goes back in time with his career and he started acting as a voice over in Rodan. He asked how old he was doing that. George said he was 17 or 18. Howard said Rodan was going up against all of these monsters and he would dub in the voices in English. He said he was that guy. George said he was. He said he did about half a dozen voices. He said that was a paying gig. He said it lasted about 3 days.
Howard said what a man George is. He asked if Brad is going to stick his tongue up his ass now.
Howard took a call from fake Colton The Bachelor who was telling George how inspiring he was for him. He asked if he has any tips for doing the back door thing. Howard said he thinks that jumping on a bed post would do it. George laughed. Fake Colton said that he has heard about using a cucumber or something. George said make sure you use plenty of lube and go at it very slowly and gently. Colton said he has never tasted semen before so should he taste his own? Howard said that's a good question. Howard said that just so you know that was a fake. George said this is the Howard Stern Show.
Howard said they had fun with George and Brad today. Howard said that George got to talk to Mitch McConnell today. George said the real one isn't a good person. Howard had fake Mitch come back on to talk to George even more. Mitch said they're all so sensitive there. He asked if Beth won't eat Howard's ass either. Howard said she won't. George and Mitch went at it for a short time.
Howard said that he wants George to know that he told a great story about his relationship with Brad. He said that Arnold Schwarzenegger is there to apologize to George about what he did. Howard said bear with him. Fake Arnold came on and said a few words to George apologizing for what happened back then. He said he made a lot of mistakes in his life. He said he wants to eat his ass to make it up to him. George laughed and asked if he's coming out. Arnold said that he can have him and stick a stogie up his ass if he wants to. George said that's very intriguing.
Howard said he thinks that Arnold has been very good with his son that came out of that relationship with his maid. He said that he thinks that he had a misstep in history with that bill he vetoed. Arnold said he'd like him to tickle his tits. George said he'd love to.
Howard said that Arnold once told him that if George puts a sandwich up his ass that Brad will eat it out.
Howard said that he loves Brad and George together. He said George really should stop with the bell ringing. George said he's going to grant the bell to Brad so he can summon him.
Howard said George had a book called ''They Call Us Enemy'' and that's available. He said god willing George will be back out on the road and doing his thing. He thanked them for coming on today and let them go. Howard said it's been a long morning. He said he's going to do the Vulcan thing. Robin said that she has never been able to perfect that. Howard said he can. Robin said he has it down but she can't do it. Howard said there you have it. He said they heard it all and saw it all today.
Howard said Senator McConnell was something else. He got him back on for a minute. He said he doesn't agree with him politically but he does come forward with his point of view. Mitch said that his wife is eating his ass right now. He let out some odd noises as that was going on. Howard thanked him for coming on today.
Howard read some fan feedback about Ronnie and Dry Lisa's call that they played yesterday. Howard said that people wrote in about the pre-cum thing and he has never had that. He said someone wrote in about that and how it's normal.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's great and an inspiration to him. Howard said that's a great way to end the show and hung up on the guy. Howard said he was afraid to keep him on longer. He ended the show around 10:40am.