For the week of 12/13/2021 to 12/17/2021

• Back Live - Howard's TV, Ronnie's Tweets And More. 12/13/21. 7:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: An announcement about Billie Eilish being on the show today and a Christmas version of ''The Great American Nightmare.''

  Howard started the show talking about the opening theme song that was like Rob Zombie meets Wham. He said his house is filled with Christmas music. He said Beth loves Christmas. He said she's always talking about how much she loves Christmas. He said SiriusXM has 8 channels to listen to Christmas music. He said it's very good. He said he recommends this service.

  Robin said she saw a commercial for Sirius over the weekend. Howard said it's good to hear that. He said he didn't know they were doing that.

  Howard said he just spent a fortune putting in a new audio visual system in his house and this one is just as bad as the last one. He said this weekend they tried to watch a Christmas movie and the sound went out. He said he's not sure why. He said he's this close to jumping out the window. He said he said to the guy that the last company sucked and this guy was going to be his savior. He said he spent a couple of bucks on this. He said he's embarrassed to tell Robin what he spent on it. He said he took a walk with his wife and talked about how he's not able to watch TV even though it's been invented. He said it's fucking crazy. Robin said he should be able to just sit down and watch it. Howard said not in his house.

  Howard said his wife complains to him and asks what this is. He said he has no idea. He said it makes him look bad. He said he has to call and yell and nothing happens anyway. He said it's a disaster.

  Howard said Ronnie has been tweeting out ''tittie city Monday'' pictures. He said it's only 7 in the morning and he's already put up 6 pictures of titties and one oily ass picture. He said no offense to these ladies but they're just not fucking hot. He said Ronnie has no quality control. He asked Ronnie if he has any control over that. Ronnie said he just puts up stuff that someone else puts up for him. Robin said it reflects on him though. Howard said he's tuning in to see what he thinks is hot. He said he understands if he's retweeting it. Ronnie said he feels bad or this guy and he's been doing it for years. He said the guy is bed ridden and he feels bad for the guy.

  Howard asked what that has to do with Ronnie. Ronnie said the guy has health issues and this is his big deal so he retweets them for him. He said he makes the guy happy. He said it's a thing they do. Robin said it's like a charity. Howard said he's tuning in to see what he has and it's not good. He said they're not hot. He went through some of the pictures and told Ronnie that most of them aren't hot. He said one out of 6 was good. Ronnie said he's trying to be nice to the guy. Howard said how about just retweet one. Ronnie said he just does it every morning for the guy.

  Howard asked what the guy does that he needs this. Ronnie's connection was cutting out and Howard said he's fed up with that.

  Ronnie said he's just doing it as a favor to the guy. Howard said that's fucked up. He said there's no reason to do that. He said no matter what the guy puts out he's retweeting it. He said it's hardly worth looking at. Robin said they don't even know if the girls wanted to be tweeted out. Ronnie said the guy is getting them off the internet somewhere. Howard asked if he ever says no. Ronnie said there are some that he won't put up. Robin said she can't imagine what those look like.

  Ronnie thanked Robin for the phone call back from three months ago. Howard said maybe she doesn't want to. Robin said she's on her way. She said he's next on her list. Ronnie said he's not answering. Howard said get over it. He said stop begging.

  Howard said Ronnie should get over it. He said Robin calls him like 3 times a day. Ronnie said he is over it. Howard said Robin doesn't want to call him so get over it. Fred played some baby crying drops. Ronnie said he didn't beg her to call him.

  Howard said he got Ronnie's Christmas card. He said it's really tiny and it has pictures of Las Vegas. Ronnie said it's not Las Vegas. He said that he can't see very well. Ronnie said it's a picture of him and Stephanie at a wedding in Mexico and the 7 train. He said that's what it is. He said it's not Las Vegas. He said it's two small pictures. He said it's one of the Vegas sign too. Howard said he knew that Las Vegas was going to be like this.

  Howard said you can't see Ronnie on the card. Ronnie said he'll never send another card to him. Howard said he knew it was going to be Las Vegas. Ronnie said it's one little picture of Vegas. Howard said it's 3 pictures so he can't see anything else. Howard said it's 3 tiny pictures. Ronnie asked why he sent him a fucking card anyway. Howard said he wants everyone to see he's in Vegas. He asked why he has to do that in his card. Ronnie said he didn't make it. He said he never does. Howard said he always blames it on someone else.

  Howard said Ronnie is wearing a skull t-shirt in that picture too. He said it's all about Vegas. Ronnie said that shirt is from 3 years ago. He said it wasn't in Vegas. He said Stephanie put it all on the card. Robin asked if it was signed Ronnie and Stephanie. Howard said it was signed by that guy who puts out the tittie pictures.

  Howard said the guys said that he retweets pictures from a lot of accounts, not just one. Ronnie said that's right. Howard said his whole premise was that he did it for the guy who is bed ridden. He said that's not true. He said he has to get out of this. Ronnie said please do. He said he's not making sense anyway. Howard said nothing makes sense anymore. He said that's his man Ronnie.

  Howard said he has to get off anyway because Ronnie is breaking up. He said he was going to get to his new Winter poem. He said he would have him read it now but his connection is cutting out. He said he'll get him on tomorrow instead.

  Howard asked if Robin saw his Christmas card yet. Robin said she got Gary's. She said she hasn't seen Ronnie's yet. Howard said he knew it was going to have a Vegas reference on it. He said they moved to Vegas and now it's all about Vegas.

• Howard Hates This Time Of Year. 12/13/21. 7:20am
  Howard said he had never listened to an audio book before. He said he was off last week so he did that. He said there's so much to talk about today. He said they started getting Christmas gifts this week. He said they kind of sent stuff out last week. He said Beth was in charge of all gifts and getting them out. He said she did it all herself. He said they have quite a list. He said she handled the whole operation. He said he didn't want to get involved. He said he had to send out like 10 personally and he was going nuts. He said he hates this time of year. He said Beth loves it. He said he hates the whole thing. He said he hates the intrusion of it all. He said he'd rather take all the money he spends on gifts and give it to charity. He said that's what he thinks is important. He said Beth says they can't do that. He said they have to get something for Robin.

  Howard said that if you do give to charity no one believes that you did that. He said you have to say how much you have if you do that. He said that he doesn't even like donating to charity. He said that the one thing he wants the charity to do is not send him mail or solicit him. He said just leave him the fuck alone. He said they won't do it. He said he gives money to his alma mater. He said that they insist on sending him letters from the faculty and the students he helps. He said he gets a letter addressed to ''Dear Anonymous.'' He said he knows he's doing good and he doesn't want to be bothered. He said he even hates getting Christmas cards.

  Howard said he told Beth she can go through his mail and take out all the cards. He said if he doesn't care about someone then she can throw them right out. He said there are some he has to look at like Baba Booey's. He said he has to do that. He said he loves seeing his son's and how much taller they are than Gary. He said he likes seeing Gary as odd man out in that family. Robin said the whole family is beautiful and then Gary sneaks into the picture.

  Howard said they get gifts and they get no note from who sent it. Robin said she was doing that during the pandemic. She said she wasn't able to get a name on it. Howard said they got two gifts so far that had no names on them. He said he's not sure who to blame. He said that some companies are to blame. He said if they don't put in a note then they should go fuck themselves.

  Howard said he got a book in the mail and it had no return address. He said it was a first edition of a book called Depths of Glory. He said that it was signed by the author and it was like a $279 book. He said all the pages were ripped because they carved a cat into the pages. He said when you hold it up sideways they mutilated it to make a cat. He said he's not sure who sent it and they may never know. He said they thought it could be from some people but they can't even call the company to ask where it came from. He said there's nothing.

  Howard said then they got a cake from Dolce and Gabana. He said there was no information with that. He said he's not sure who it came from.

  Howard said he's not sure who is to blame here. He said there's just nothing there. He said it's sad. He said people spend good money on this shit and they don't get credit.

  Robin said she got a gift around Thanksgiving and a friend texted her about it and she was supposed to get a box of roses. She said that if something like that came she would have known. Robin said she went back into her room and she saw this odd box that she didn't buy and it was this. She showed Howard what she got. She said it was a box of roses. She said it's 3 inches tall. She said it's live roses that you can't water or touch. She said you can't even take them out of the box. She said they last up to 3 years in that box. Howard said that's kind of cool. Robin said they even have a fragrance. Robin said she had to write all over it not to touch it or water it. She said she wants to see if she can keep it going. Howard said that's a good gift.

  Howard said he hates flowers as a gift. He said they don't last. He said he doesn't want to take care of plants. He said this one is kind of cool though. He said it can last 3 years. He said that's cool.

  Howard said the guys sent him some notes on this book ''Depths of Glory'' he got. He said whoever sent it must know he's a painter. He said he's not sure why they ruined the book with the cat thing. He said he wishes people would just donate to his wife's charity.

  Howard said Ronnie got a whole Tiki bar and he's not sure who it came from. Howard asked Ronnie what's up with that. Ronnie said it's a full size Tiki bar that you put outside and he has no idea who it's from. Howard said that's what he's talking about. He said there must be a card involved. He said this is what he has a beef with. He said if you buy a gift from these places you have to include the card.

• Chris Wallace, Cuomo's Producer And More. 12/13/21. 7:35am
  Howard said he was watching the news and saw that Chris Wallace has left FOX News. He said that's Mike Wallace's son. He said Chris went into the same business as his father. He said that's the worst thing you can do. He said he always liked Chris on FOX News. He said he was good. He said that you kind of liked him because he was kind of balanced. He said he's not sure how he put up with that shit over there. He said that he saw that he's going to CNN+. Robin said that's a new streaming service. Howard said he's not sure who is going to pay for CNN+. He said no one even watches CNN. He said you better sign up Ronnie's friend over there to get some tittie pictures on there. He said Chris is going over there. He said he's sure not gong to pay for CNN+. He said Chris must have left after 18 years because he wasn't getting paid enough.

  Howard said he's not sure what they're going to put on there to get people to pay for that service. He said maybe put the Cuomo brothers on there to talk about pussy or something. He said the world is so fucked up.

  Robin said Chris Cuomo's producer was just arrested for calling women and telling the parents he had to introduce them to sexuality and that they had to learn to be submissive. Howard wondered how he had time to do that. Robin said this guy was contacting girls who were like 9 years old.

  Gary said he was reading the story and he's not sure who the lunatics were that answered the guy's ads. Howard asked what the ads were. Gary said that he had an ad for this service he was providing. Howard said he's not sure how you think you're going to get away with that stuff. Howard asked who the fuck would answer that ad. He said the world is fucking nuts.

  Howard said CNN+ is scheduled to launch in early 2022. He said pricing is going to be announced. Robin said no one is going to pay for that. Howard said that's what he just said.

• Howard's First Audio Book. 12/13/21. 7:40am
  Howard said on a lighter note he has to tell you that he has never bought an audio book before but he finally did. He said he used to goof on Baba Booey about it because he would say he was ''reading'' books when he was listening to them. He said it's not the same thing.

  Howard said he's got this Audible thing and he wasn't sure what to listen to. He said he saw that Mel Brooks had a book out and he thought it might be an old one. He said he wanted to get this book for one credit. He said what a delight that book is. He said it's called ''All About Me.'' He said the guy is 93 years old and he does a great read. He said the guy is so positive about everything. He said he talked about being 2 years old and how his dad died of Tuberculosis. He said the guy is so upbeat about everything though. He said it was crazy. He said he tells some great stories in the book. He said he gives him a recommendation for this. He said he produced a lot of things including The Elephant Man and The Fly. He said he talks about that and finding Jeff Goldblum for that part and all of this stuff. He said it's really good.

  Howard said his father and mother loved this movie that was like the greatest thing in the world to them. He said it's called ''Fatso'' and it stars Dom Deluise. He said it's about a guy who eats non stop. He said his wife Anne Bancroft produced it for Brooks films. He said he never saw it but his father loved the movie.

  Robin said it's like that 1000 Pound Sisters show he loves. Howard said he almost bailed on the show. He said they were cleaning the house of this woman and they had dead animals and things in the house. He said it was gross. He said he got turned off but he's still watching it. Robin said he's watching people who are very ill. Howard said he enjoys watching people who are morbidly obese. Robin said it shows that something is seriously wrong.

  Howard said in this week's episode they had to put this huge sister in a motorized chair. He said she sat on it and it almost fell over. He said that he's watching for 10 minutes as they're trying to load her on it and he couldn't stop watching.

  Howard said he has to say that this Mel Brooks book is really good. He said he was listening to it on his iPhone while laying in bed. He said he put it on while he was painting too. He said he liked it. He said he can multitask that way. Robin said she sees. Robin asked if it bothers him that he laughs when he's painting. Howard said he can stop and laugh. He said Mel is a very entertaining guy. He said he was talking about a great vacation he went on in Italy and how he has a ton of friends. Robin said he has a ton of relationships. Howard said he has a lunch on Sundays and he has people over to that. He said he loved Anne Bancroft passionately too. He said the guy is so fucking happy. Robin said she loved his relationship with Carl Reiner. Howard said he talks about that a ton too. Robin said his son has such a great relationship with him. She said during the pandemic they made a PSA for people and they had fun at it. Howard said that's giving him some ideas. He said he might want to live his life like that behind a window.

• Fake Greta Thunberg Visits. 12/13/21. 7:50am
  Howard said Billie Eilish and Finneas will be here today. He said Billie has a new album out called Happier Than Ever that she's promoting. He said they have a lot more to get to today.

  Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Greta Thunberg who said she has to speak to ''Willie Eilish'' today. She said that's how it's pronounced in her country. Howard asked what she wants to talk to her about. Greta said she's traveling by means other than sail boat and how dare she.

  Howard said Billie wore an outfit from a designer and she said she would only wear it if they stopped selling fur and they did it. Howard said that's how much she cares. Greta was still upset and said she has to speak to Billie today. Howard said he has a proposition for her. Greta said how dare you. Howard said she never shares her personal life with them. He said if she answers those he'll give her some time with Billie. Greta didn't seem into that. Howard said he's going to try this with her. Greta said how dare you.

  Howard asked fake Greta if she has any friends. Greta said her friends are the earth and sky and things like that. Howard went through some other questions and her answers were all about the earth and how she's trying to save it. He'd ask her about her favorite drink and she's day sea water. He asked her questions about TV shows and she said she doesn't know what those words mean. She kept asking to speak to ''Willie.''

  Howard asked what her favorite animal is. Greta said that it's a tie for all animals that haven't been killed off by humans. Howard asked what she does for fun. Greta said she wants to speak to Willie. Howard said forget this. Greta said how dare you. Howard asked what she wants to do when she grows up. Greta said she won't grow up unless he puts her on with Willie.

  Howard closed the door on fake Greta and then played a Christmas song parody with her ''Blah, blah, blah'' clips. Howard cut that off after a few seconds. He said that's enough of that.

• Phone Calls, Weird Times And Strange Stories. 12/13/21. 8:00am
  Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would reconsider doing an audio book for his own book. Howard said no way. He said he was listening to that Mel Brooks book and wondered how he found the energy to do that. He said he can't think of a worse fate than reading his book to people for hours and hours. He said he never wanted to put a book out like that. He said he thought about doing it with people that he was writing about but it was over complicated. He said he just gave up on the idea. He said he's not sure how Mel Brooks had the energy to do that.

  Howard said he's 67 and he's wasted already. He said he has no energy to do something like that. He said he hates this job and getting up at 5 in the morning to do this. He said it's just crazy to him that people have so much energy at their age. He said even Trump.

  Howard said he goes to bed at 9 and he does the show in the morning and then he's taking a nap by 11 in the morning. He said he gets up at 6:30 and he's taking a nap for an hour at 11. He said he can't imagine being president. He said he's lucky he's even walking.

  The caller asked who he thinks is the first turd on the staff who would do a tell all when he retires. Howard said most of these guys don't have access to him. He said maybe there's some stories but he thinks they have everyone sign an NDA. He said if they don't then they should get that done today.

  Howard said Gary read his own audio book and told him how tough that was. Gary said they just hand you the book and they will ask you to read it again if you missed a word or something. He said it took about 2 and a half days to do it. He said it's a lot. He said you already wrote the book and it's difficult to do it. He said he would do something at the end of every chapter to make it more interesting but it was awful.

  Howard asked if Gary signed any kind of NDA about writing a book about him. Gary said he may have. He said he's not sure. Howard said he's not worried about Robin doing it. Gary said he's not sure what's left to say. He said Howard has said it all.

  Howard asked what Gary could even tell a story about. Gary said he was approached back in 1992 or 93 or so. He said this friend told him to just write about what goes on during the show. He said at the time he wasn't making a ton of money. He said that he was told he could get half a million to write that book. He said he figured he could never work in the business again if he did it. He said that would have left him with about $200,000 and no job. He said he's not going to do that.

  Howard said he doesn't think he's that interesting to write a book about. Gary said Howard left his toothpicks on the console and that's about it. Howard said here were a couple of years back in the 90s when the show was popular and a bunch of books came out about him. He said none of his friends ever spoke to them and people were making up weird shit about him. He said his friends never spoke to them so it was a bunch of shitheads. He said a lot of it wasn't true. He said it was weird. He said some of the people he had never even heard of.

  Howard said this DJ in Detroit had just died and he talked about him and he had never met him. He said it was really weird.

  Howard had the clip of this DJ who was a DJ in Detroit. He said this guy was a well known guy there and his name is John O'Leary. He said the guy was stabbed to death. He said that's how most people die there in Detroit. He said that he lived there but it was fine at the time.

  Howard said this guy was stabbed to death last week. He read about this guy working at WWWW there in Detroit. Howard said he worked there but he didn't know this guy. He said the guy claimed he knew him well.

  Howard said that this guy was 67 years old and he was found stabbed to death. He said he had no idea who this guy was. He said he has a clip from a podcast where John talked about working at WWWW and knowing him. He played the clip and John was talking about how and Howard gravitated toward each other when they worked there.

  Howard said he doesn't want to disparage the guy but he doesn't know this guy's name. He said a lot of guys have this theory that he was just in the right place at the right time. Howard said he went to the shittiest station in Washington DC and made it big. He said it was the worst place at the worst time but he made a name for himself. Robin said they went to another horrible place and were tortured every day. Howard said this guy was in the same place at the same time so what happened to John? He said he's not sure what this ''right place, right time'' thing is. He said there's no such thing. He said any place is the right place if you impress your boss. Robin said it sounds like the guy didn't know him at all.

  Howard said he's not sure he even met this guy. He said that Bill O'Reilly would tell people that he was his friend in college. He said he had no friends in college other than Dr. Lou. He said that Bill has a whole story about hanging with him and he never even met the guy. He said he's not sure what's going on there. He said that a lot of people do that when you have fame. He said a lot of people didn't want to know him at all. He said it's a weird thing.

  Howard went into a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.

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• Dave Grohl Discussions. 12/13/21. 8:20am
  After the break they played a phony phone call the guys made to an internet radio show about spoiling Christmas for kids. They also played a George Takei and Brad Christmas tribute and John Lennon's ''How Do you Sleep?''

  Howard came back and said this is the song that John wrote about Paul McCartney. He said you see in the documentary about them that Paul was the driving force in that band. He said John would just get a bug up his ass. Robin said there's a lot of time to think about what you're going to say when you write a song.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he went to a Foo Fighters show and they did a 3 hour show there in Vegas. Howard asked how it works going to a concert now. He said he must be in a different pandemic. He asked if people are wearing masks. The caller said you have to be vaccinated and everyone was wearing masks.

  Howard said he goes crazy thinking about Dave drinking and smoking. He said he has such a beautiful voice and he must be too neurotic to be a singer. He said Dave just goes all out. He said he just goes all the way with everything. He said maybe he has some kind of vocal coach. He said that he has gone crazy thinking about smoking when you wing. He said he asked Billy Joel about that too. He said that he thinks he quit. Robin said both of those guys smoked. Howard said some of them are convinced it makes their voices sound richer. Robin said that's what John Mellencamp told them.

  The caller said Dave is chewing gum up there too. Howard said Dave's book was very good too. He said he read that over the summer. He said it's a fun read. He said he asked him about the gum thing and that helps him keep his voice moist. He said that's what his theory is. He said Dave does this weird thing every Hanukkah where he and this guy honor Jewish rock stars. He said it's funny to him. He said he didn't know that some of them are Jewish. He said right now things are going kind of bad and people blame the Jews for that. He said it's a bad time for the Jews right now so maybe it's not a great time to out them.

  Howard said the Jews are accused of running everything. He said he was told the Jews were the Chosen people when he was growing up. He said he's not sure why because they're chosen to be hated. He said they're outcasts. He said he can prove that they don't have the power. He said if they did then Mel Gibson wouldn't be making Lethal Weapon 5.

  Howard said what he was saying about Dave is that he does this thing every year on Hanukkah. He said this year they did a cover of Train in Vain by The Clash. He said someone must be Jewish in that band. He said that they covered a Mountain song because Leslie West was Jewish. He said they covered a Billy Joel song too on this list of songs. Howard said Dave did a cover. He did a KISS cover too. Dave does them with producer Greg Kurstin. Howard played short clips of some of the songs they covered. He said that Dave covered a Lisa Loeb song too. He said he covered her song ''Stay.''

  Howard said he thinks he rocks out to this one in a second. Howard let it play and he goes into a screaming metal version of the song after starting out slow.

  Howard said Dave covered The Ramones too. He said that Joey Ramone was a Jew. He played the song that Dave covered. He said they covered a Barry Manilow song too. He said they did Jump by Van Halen because David Lee Roth is Jewish. He said they did an Amy Winehouse song too. He said he didn't know she was Jewish. Howard played some of that song. Dave's daughter sang lead on that one. Howard said she's good. Robin said she's really good.

• RIP Michael Nesmith And Anne Rice. 12/13/21. 8:40am
  Howard said he should mention that Michael Nesmith died. He said he was in the Monkees. Howard said he was 78. He said he didn't know he was that old. He said he was a member of the Monkees and they had a TV show. He said he was talking to a lot of people and they had no idea who he was. He said a lot of people didn't know the Monkees.

  Robin asked if there's 2 left now. Howard said he thinks that there's only one. Gary said it's only Mickey Dolenz. Howard said he thought that the others had died. He said that the Monkees were huge.

  Howard said after the TV show ended Michael had fuck you money because his mother invented Wite-Out. He said she sold the company for like $57 million. He said that every time they reunited for the band Michael would never do it. Robin said she's not sure people even know what Wite-Out is. Howard said it was like liquid paper.

  Howard said the Monkees had a lot of hit songs. He named a few and Fred played some clips. Howard said all of the songs were written for them and they were just doing it for a TV show. He said they got the idea that they were musicians and Michael wanted to write their own songs. He said that album ended up sucking and they could have kept things going if they had just had the writers write their stuff.

  Howard said it was the urging of Michael Nesmith that they did their own songs. He said he wishes he had it. He said it was really shitty. He said they never got to the chorus and just bored us. He said that Nesmith was one of the guys who was very early on making music videos. He said that he was asked to run a new music channel called MTV. He said he turned it down. Howard said he had fuck you money so he didn't need that. Robin said it seemed like he got bored of things and moved on to other things. Howard said he was an innovator with the music video thing.

  Howard said the guy was talented. He said that Michael once claimed they had more hits than the Beatles and Stones combined. Howard said he admitted he just made it up and the reporters went with it. Robin said newspapers will just print whatever you tell them. Howard said that Boyce and Heart wrote most of the Monkees stuff. He said that Michael did write a song called ''Different Drum'' that went on to be a hit.

  Robin said Anne Rice is dead too. Howard said no kidding. Robin said it was from complications of a stroke. Howard said wow. He said when they made that movie ''Interview with a Vampire'' he was really into it.

  Robin told Howard about what she had read about Anne and her parents. She said that she came up with the vampire thing because her parents were night people and they would drink and stay up late often.

  Howard said his mother was a severely depressed woman and she was put on some drug that kept her calm. He said she went out and got a job when they put her on the valium or whatever she was on. He said that he was able to come home and jerk off and smoke weed all day. He said that he was beating that meat until it was raw. He said they put his mom on something and she was floating. He said she got a job cleaning out people's phlegm. He said she was all nervous about the job but he encouraged her not to quit.

  Howard said he even got laid a couple of times at home when his mom was working. He said it was great that she had that job. He said he made it like he was a big time drug dealer. He said he made it seem that way but he had just a little stash. Howard said every once in a while he'd get some action.

  Howard said his father wanted her to drink. He said his mom never drank. He said she didn't have a father or mother so she never learned to ride a bicycle. He said she was like 50 and she wanted to learn. He said he took her over to a park on Long Island and pushed her around on a bike like a kid. He said she learned to ride and he would see her riding on Grand Avenue in Roosevelt. He said one day she got off the medication and wondered what she was doing out there. He said she thought she was going to get herself killed out there. He said she realized she was cleaning out people's phlegm too. He said that meant that she was home again and he didn't have the freedom to smoke weed and jerk off. He said she had to be home for her son.

  Howard said he didn't have any friends until he had that freedom from his mother. He said people would come over to his house. He said that he would have guys over who weren't into him and they started to like him. He said he just needed some weed. Howard went into a live commercial read and went to break after that.

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• Billie Eilish Visits. 12/13/21. 9:00am
  After the break they played a ''Robin Quivers Christmas Collection'' commercial parody, a Gary Dell'Abate Christmas song with Gary and Sour Shoes doing his impression of Gary, a phony phone call Richard to a Christmas store where he kept wishing the woman a merry Christmas in many different ways, a SiriusXM ''Fireplace Radio'' commercial parody, a Baba Booey throat clearing Christmas song parody and Green Day's ''Brain Stew.''

  Howard came back and said that's a pretty awesome riff right there. He said he's pretty sure he had it in his head and never did anything with it. He said it seems like something he'd be into writing. Robin said he just never let go so it could come out.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he lives in Palm Beach and wondered if they put up decorations. Howard said they have 3 Christmas trees they put up this year. He said the cats all sleep under the trees. He said that on of them had sap all over him. He said cats can get sick from drinking water out of the water for the trees. He said that they have aprons that can cover that up. Robin said she has that. Howard said he's up to his ass in decorations this year. He said he's listening to Christmas music and all of that. Robin said she got a Christmas toy of Santa dancing.

  Howard got to Billie Eilish and Finneas. He said he might have a technical glitch. He said they both look so tired from doing Saturday Night Live. Howard asked they're exhausted. Billie said they are. Howard asked what the schedule was like. Billie said hi to Howard and said she missed them. She said it's good to see them. She said she's glad they get to do this. She said that Saturday Night Live was the craziest shit ever. She said Saturday was so much fun and amazing though. She said she went to bed at 5am and woke up yesterday at like 10 and went to bed at 2 in the morning and got up at 6. She said it's been a great schedule. She said the schedule for Saturday Night Live was nuts. She said she cried every day of the week. She said she was feeling nervous about he whole thing. She said Saturday Night Live is a crazy thing. She said she doesn't know that world that well. She said her parents and brother do. She said she loved acting as a kid but that's not her world. She said she felt like she sucked. She said the craziest part of the week was Tuesday when they did the table read. She said everyone reads and they did maybe 40 scripts or so.

  Howard asked if they had her there to ask if she liked anything. Billie said it wasn't really about her at all. She said it's all about reading through the scripts. She said she'd read like 20 and then go out and cry. Billie said it was just crazy. She said she didn't feel qualified to do it. Howard said he gets it. He said when you're by Kate McKinnon and people like that he gets it. He said it's a weird concept for her. He said he has to tell her that he felt like she was loose as a goose when she was out there on stage. He said she's like 20 and she's relaxed in front of the camera. He said that outfit was kind of cute. He said that she was having fun. Howard asked if she wanted to throw up. Billie said she was ready to throw up and she did throw up because of it. Finneas said he didn't know that. Billie said she had a full body reaction to it. She said she threw up on the plane and she had crazy shits when she got there. She said she had to get fully naked on the toilet. She said that's not a usual thing for her. Howard said he's had that. He said we're all human so you have to talk about that.

  Billie said she was nervous because that's not her world. She said she was afraid that people would think she sucked. Howard asked why she would put herself through that. He said she could have just been a musical guest and been fine. Howard asked why put herself through that. He said he heard from Emily Blunt that they have a puke bucket here back stage. Billie said she didn't know that.

  Billie said she went through the show because it's Saturday Night Live. She said that's kind of the most iconic things you can be a part of at all. She said that the reason she was crying through the week was because this was her worst nightmare coming true. She said she was freaked out by the pressure and that meant of courage was something she had to do. She said you put your feelings away so you can have that opportunity. She said she was having the breakdowns because she was realizing that it was the thing she was terrified of doing and she was doing it. She said she was really nervous and she doesn't usually get nervous. She said they got to dress rehearsal and she was fine. She said she got better and better as the week went by. She said as soon as she saw the crowed and felt their joy she wasn't nervous anymore. She said it was relieving somehow. She said it was her love of performing and she realized it was something she didn't have to worry about. She said it was just for fun.

  Howard said he didn't get nervous watching her. He said he gets nervous for people and he didn't get that for her. He said he's really glad she did the show. He said he was asked to do it years ago and he went to Lorne's office to talk about it and he wanted to use his own writers to do it. He said he was an arrogant, stupid prick. He said he didn't have the confidence to do it. He said that you never want to fail. He said he can see why she'd be worried about going out there and people thinking she sucked. Howard said what he saw was that the best skit was the one they did last. He said he loved that one. He said he liked her looseness too. He said that Kate was cracking her up. Billie said they cut 4 sketches and they were all so good. She said she's not sure how they do that every week. Finneas said they do a dress rehearsal that's long so they can cut stuff. Billie said that they did the hotel ad last in the dress rehearsal. She said that Kate did something that just set her off. Howard said it was when she poked her in the arm. Billie said she did it and the crowd was laughing and she started laughing. She said she was tearing up and it was so fucking funny. She said that she wanted that footage because it was so good.

  Howard said he loves it when they laugh like that. He said they tell you not to but sometimes you can't help it.

  Howard said that Finneas was in a sketch and she was laughing at him on stage. He said she broke character.

  Howard said in the monologue Billie said that her mom wrote a movie and the whole family was in it except her. Howard said that she had no daughter in the movie. Howard said he thought she was joking and it turns out it was true. He said it's unbelievable. Finneas said it's like a super hero villain origin story.

  Billie said that Finneas was on Glee back in 2015 before they blew up. Finneas said it was when no one was watching anymore. He said that they gave him a shot on the show but no one was watching it anymore. He said he did a whole season and didn't become famous at all. Billie said it was one of her favorite shows. She said that they were talking about it a year or so ago and how she came to set and all of that. She said Finneas said that she had no value at the time. Finneas said that's not what he said.

  Billie said they used to go to a dinner dance and she took video when she was like 7. She said she was showing Finneas and that's when he said she had no value at the time.

  Howard asked if she thinks that drove her to write songs. He said that he told her she had no value. He asked if that drove her in way. Billie said she thinks she was going to do whatever she was going to do. She said her mom was an incredible actor and she's so good. She said it's not talked about enough about how hilarious she is. Finneas said they have been thinking about her a lot and she really is funny.

  Howard asked whose idea it was to have her do a walk on. Billie said that she thinks that they all thought about it. She said it was her mom's idea to have a picture of her brother on her shirt when she said that she can't possibly love him more than her. Howard said he knows that his father loves his sister more than him. He said that's how it works. Finneas said that he thinks that Billie and his dad are more alike and he and his mom are more alike.

  Billie said that she thought it was cool that her mom did a movie and made it. She said that she has to say that she felt bad putting in the monologue. She said it happened and she never ever let it go. She said that she would use it against her so much. She said that it was so much that she felt bad. She said she felt really shitty about bringing it up so much. She said she was upset that she wasn't in the movie. She said that her dad was in it, her friend's grandfather was in the movie and she wasn't. She said she was so upset about it that she used it against her and it was so shitty of her to do that. She said a couple of years ago she saw that and she realized she should be better to her mom. She said she was only 8 or 9 at the time too. She said it is fucking funny to talk about though.

  Howard asked if they think that with the success they have that they feel bad for their mom that she didn't make it in show biz. He said they're super stars and there might be some guilt there and that's why they had to bring her out on the monolog. Billie said that it might be guilt. She said that their parents didn't get the opportunities that they got. She said she might be biased there but her dad is one of the best actors ever. She said he's been in so many things and he's so good. She said that she loved being in plays and her dad would give her notes and run lines with her. Finneas said their mom is a great song writer too.

  Howard asked if they feel guilty about that. Billie said yes. She said it was heart breaking for her to have this opportunity that her mom had for her whole life. She said it felt kind of sad to her. She said that could have been part of why she wanted her in the monologue.

  Finneas said that they have been asked over the years about growing up in L.A. and if they felt destined to do this. He said that it felt like it was an impossible thing. He said they looked at them and they were hard working people and it was hard to get worked. He said there's so much luck and randomness that they never thought they would get lucky. He said they did work regularly but they never became big stars.

  Howard said their parents could have been bitter and told them not to get involved in the industry. He said it's weird. Finneas said that they showed them that it was still worth doing the thing you're passionate about even if it doesn't make you famous. Billie said searching for fame is wrong in a lot of ways.

  Howard said if you don't love what you're doing you can be miserable. Howard asked if they watched this Beatles documentary. He said that he imagines it would be the greatest lesson in writing music. Robin said it was like a master class. Howard asked if they watched it. Billie said they did watch the first part. She said it wasn't boring but it is tedious. She said that's what song writing is though. She said all song writing is tedious. She said it's a whole lot of nothing that turns into something. Billie said it was very interesting to watch and see them getting annoyed with each other. She said it's very accurate. She said that it was driving her insane watching it because it sounds like fucking hell to sit there for 2 weeks to write an album. Howard asked why they would do that to themselves. He said that didn't make sense. Billie said it's a challenge. Finneas said it's like Billie doing Saturday Night Live.

  Howard asked what's going on now. He said they don't live together in their parents houses now. Billie said they have their own places but she's secretly living at home. She doesn't like living aloe. Howard asked why Billie thinks she has people living under her furniture. Billie said she has issues with the dark space beneath things. She said she's not sure what it is but it's pathetic. Howard said she has her own house but she goes home because she feels safe. Billie said she has stalkers so it's safer at home. She said that she has people who think she has to run away with them. She said she has people come and go and she gets so flipped out. She said she hates sleeping alone so much. She said she still sleeps with her mom a lot.

  Howard asked why not get a security guy. Billie said she has one. Howard said the stalkers have gotten to her and you can't have the arrested but it's hard to deal with that. He said that is scary. He said he understands that. He asked if they ever worry that the song writing process is tougher not being at home. He asked if they think about it like that. Billie said there's no going back to that house. She said she may have had that worry but once they started working in his studio at his house it was fine. Finneas said that he has nice windows in the basement and it's good. Billie said she has gotten over that stage voice that she put on. She said Finneas still has that ''I'm cool'' voice.

  Howard asked Finneas about his career getting so big because he's being asked to produce albums. Howard said that he saw what they do and he's a mad man with music and computers. He said if he was a musician he'd want him to produce an album too. He said if he were Billie he'd be upset over that. He said she must want him to herself. Billie said she does but she trusts him. She said she feels like she knows him pretty well and he's not going to make her music with other people. Finneas said he can't make her music without her. He said she's her music.

  Howard asked if Billie has ever had an issue with Finneas not being able to work with her when she wants to work. Billie said he has never had that problem. Finneas said that he fits things around her schedule. He said he's always available for her. Billie was coughing and she apologized for that. Howard said that must be from doing Saturday Night Live. Billie said that Lorne was sick and coughing everywhere. She said that he doesn't have COVID but she did have it. She said it was bad. She said she was miserable. She said she was sick for like 2 months almost. She said this was in August. She said that it was even after she was vaccinated. She said it was because of the vaccine that she's fine. She said she probably would have died if she wasn't. She said it felt horrible but in the scheme of COVID it wasn't that bad. She said she has a cold right now but you feel like you're dying. She said she wasn't going to die from this but she was sick. She said it saved Finneas and her parents from getting it too. She said he didn't get it. Finneas said he was exposed a couple of times and he didn't get it.

  Howard asked if Billie told Lorne to go home if he was sick. Billie said she did not. She said she maintains sickness for a long time when she gets sick. She said she stays sick for like over a month when she does get sick. Howard said you have to sleep it out. Billie said she doesn't sleep enough. Howard asked if she's so excited about life that she can't sleep. Billie said she gets in bed at night and she just lays there. She said that she thinks about here being 8 hours of nothing before you do something and she wants to use those 8 hours. She said sleep is the stupidest thing ever. She said she was thinking about how you do this stuff all day and then you go home to lay down for 8 hours.

  Howard said last time they were on the show he asked to see what song writing was about and she wrote something about sleep paralysis. He said that sleep is what her life is all about. Howard said she has to be very careful. He said she can't hook up with a dude just so she has someone in the bed with her. He said she has to be in love. Billie said he's right. She said she just wants someone to lay in bed with her but she gets it. Howard said he had such a fear of being alone that he can't spend a night alone. He said that he was in a lot of relationships that weren't healthy.

  Howard said he hasn't seen them with this COVID thing going on. He said they have a monster album and a monster follow up. He said when that follow up became huge is when the pandemic hit. He said it was time to tour and that's where you make the money. He said that had to drive them insane. Finneas said they never thought about the money. He said their crew that had been with them for 4 or 5 years is who they felt bad for. He said it was tough to not be able to do that for them for 18 months. He said it's a lot of money to put out when they do a big show.

  Howard said that they have people who know every word to their songs and it's kind of fun to go out and strap that on and try it out in front of an audience. Billie said it's the best. Howard said it has to suck. Billie belched and she started laughing. Howard asked if it smells. Billie said it's early. Howard said he's up early every morning. He said he appreciates them doing the show. Billie said she dreads waking up early. She said that she likes horseback riding and she has to get up early for that. She said she hates waking up early.

  Howard said he was so bummed out when this abortion law went into effect. He said he saw that Billie made a statement about it and she said she won't perform in a state where they take away women's rights like that. He said that we're not being ruled by the majority anymore. He said that he was so pleased to see her do that and he wanted to reach out to her. He said that it used to be artists who made statements like that and it was nice to see her do it. He said it can kind of affect the fans when you don't go there though. Billie said she won't go there and give those people a fun thing. She said not the people in the crowd but the government. She said that they're not the ones at the show though. She said she's punishing the victims there and they need joy so she realized that. She said it's just fucking crazy what's going on there.

  Howard said he didn't picture her as a Met Gala kind of person. Billie said she didn't either. She said it's famous people famous peopling. Howard said they got her an Oscar de la Renta and she said she would only weird it if they stopped selling fur and they did. He said that's amazing. Billie said the amazing thing is that famous people are really just nobodies. She said it's so weird. She said that all of these people are just somebody in class with you. She said everyone is just embarrassed by what they're doing and saying. She said she felt really stupid for the first hour or so of the event. She wondered why she was there. She said then she started talking to people and they were feeling the same way. She said it was a beautiful thing though so it was okay. She said the nice thing was that no one had their phones out taking pictures. She said that she sees that all the time. Howard said he feels the same way. He said he hates the way he looks so he doesn't want people taking pictures. Billie said she loves the way he looks. She said he has an iconic face. Howard said that's one way of looking at it. He said he wasn't supposed to have this face. He said he did the best with what he had genetically.

  Howard said Billie's song just got nominated for a Golden Globe. Billie didn't even know that. Howard said it's her song for the James Bond movie. Billie and Finneas were happy about that news. Howard asked if they like those award ceremonies. Billie said she does like going to them. She said that she's glad that they're doing them live and you can do them. She said that she felt bad when they weren't able to do that.

  Howard said what's good for them is that they can perform live when so many of their peers can't do it. He said you know that's true. He said so many sing to a track.

  Howard said they're nominated for 7 Grammys this year and Finneas is nominated for best new artist too. He said he thinks he deserves it.

  Howard said he liked seeing the documentary they did and how obsessed she was with Justin Bieber. He asked if that has worn off. Billie said that she is friends with him now and talks to him on the phone. She said that he's such a sweet guy. She said that she calls Hailee and she has become a person she looks for when they go to events. She said she gets so flipped out by the events so it's nice to have someone there. She said she doesn't really have friends. She said she gets nervous and Hailee is the one she looks for at these events. Howard said he gets what she's talking about. He said she gets invited to some dinner and you walk in and feel insecure so you want someone to talk to. He said you wonder what you have to contribute. He said he gets nervous too. He said he's glad he lives in New York and not L.A. He said it's uncomfortable. He said it can be harrowing.

  Howard asked whose house she's excited about going to. Billie said Elton John invited them over. She said his house is huge and they got to go there. Finneas said they went over to his house and they had these really delicious dishes. He said he had a man servant named Bumble who would come over and tell a story. He said he would shout for Bumble and this sweet man would come in and Elton would ask him to get him something. He said he'd ask him if he wanted anything and he'd say he wanted the same thing. He said Elton is basically deaf so he'd say ''What!?'' He said Elton would tell a story and he'd ask Bumble to come in and bring him something else. He said it was great.

  Howard said Elton does not have a piano in his home at all. Finneas said he had one in the room they were in. Howard said he told him he didn't have one in the house. He said he needs one though. Howard asked if they ever talk about music with him or do they avoid the topic. Finneas said that Elton is obsessed with music so you have to talk about it.

  Billie said she likes talking about other stuff with people. She said they gave Elton a box of chocolates and the next day she got a DM from Charlie Puth who asked where she got the chocolates for Elton. She said that she told him to get the fuck out of her DMs. She said he called him Elton and she didn't like that.

  Howard asked if Elton is familiar with their music. Finneas said he is. He said he has a radio show where he plays music every day. He said that he gave them some good advice too. Howard asked what kind of advice he gives. Billie said she doesn't remember any advice she gets. She said people are always giving her advice. She laughed as she said that. She said people love giving advice. Howard said in that documentary they did he saw Katy Perry telling them that she could give them advice. Howard said you're going to do things your own way. Billie said she thinks about this a lot. She said she started out when she was 13 and she's been doing it since then and people still see her as very young at 19. She said in those first few years she'd get messages and meet people like Katy and Lady Gaga. She said she'd always get advice from them. She said she wants to be saying those things too but they don't really do anything. She said that's why it's important to say those things. She said no one experiences the same thing. She said everything is different. Howard said it's like going for surgery and you hear a horrible story about it. He said maybe he won't have the same experience. He said just shut up.

  Billie said she wants to tell Olivia Rodrigo and tell her what to expect. She said she wants to protect her. She said that they just have to figure it out on their own and it sucks. She said people tell you that they wish people had told them this but they wouldn't have listened.

  Howard said some of the people she mentioned don't have that cool factor. He said Eddie Vedder had some nice things to say about their music and he trusts that guy. He said Brandi Carlile and Dave Grohl had some nice things to say too. He said it's really nice.

  Howard asked what the second song is that she did on Saturday Night Live. He said he thinks it's about porn. She said it's called Male Fantasy and they made it accidentally. She said during COVID they didn't have a goal of making anything at first. She said they weren't seeing each other that much. Billie said their mom came up with this idea of just writing and she came up with a schedule for them. She said then they wrote this album. She said during that time they were creating and they had a schedule of Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. She said it didn't feel like they had to do anything. She said sometimes they'd just hang out and laugh. She said it was great not having pressure. She said that was like December, January of last year. She said they had almost the whole album done and they weren't coming up with anything. She said they were being lazy and uncreative. Billie said she grabbed her bag and was walking toward the door and Finneas was playing guitar. She said she was thinking about how weird porn is and they were joking about that and how horrible it makes you feel. She said she knows how weird that is to talk about as siblings but they talk about everything. She said they were talking about writing a verse about porn. Billie said she thinks porn is bad but she started watching it at like 11. She said she thought that's how you learned to have sex. She said her mom didn't know she was watching it. She said her mom was horrified that she thought that's how she had to learn to have sex.

  Howard asked what kind of porn she was watching. Billie said it was weird stuff. She said it was abusive porn. She said it that's like when she was 14. She said her publicist is probably so angry right now. She said she was an advocate and she thought she was one of the guys. She said she thinks it destroyed her brain. She said she feels devastated by it. She said she thinks she was exposed to a lot of it and she has nightmares from it. She said it was a lot of BDSM stuff. She said that's what she thought was attractive. Billie said she wasn't able to watch anything else. She said it led to problems and she first few times she had sex she wasn't saying no to things that were not good. She said that's what she thought she was supposed to be attracted to. She said she's so angry that porn is so loved and that she thought it was okay. She said women don't come like that and we don't enjoy things like that. She said it's how people think they're supposed to learn. She said that there's no consent in porn and that's why people are the way they are.

  Howard said he can't believe she's saying what she's saying. He said when he was little he just had a girdle ad or something to look at. He said he had no clue what to do when he had sex for the first time. He said if he had porn as a kid he would have run around spanking people thinking that's what they wanted. He said he has 3 daughters and he never talked about it with them. Billie said it's weird to do that. She said Finneas is her best friend and her brother. She said it's too weird to talk about it with him but you want to talk to your friends about it. She said getting older and having good sex and good relationships is what you want to have and it's really upsetting to think about. She said it's crazy being a woman or a girl growing up in the public eye.

  Howard said he's worried about her and he wonders how she meets guys. Billie said she's not a serial dater. She said that she's not on an app or anything. Howard said Drew Barrymore told him about being on an app and showing up at someone's house. Billie said that people can be terrified of you and it's hard. She said last year she thought she would be single the rest of her life. She said she wasn't able to picture herself in a relationship. She said she got over that pretty fast. She said she's not worried about that right now.

  Howard said if she were a male rock star she'd be out fucking her brains out. Billie said if she was doing that then she'd be considered a whore. She said it's a different thing for women.

  Finneas said it's easy to be exposed to pornography because of the internet. He said even TikTok is so hyper sexualized. He said there's a lot of things on there that's so crazy. Billie said it's been crazy to her because she's been doing a lot of self examining in the last year. She said she's in therapy and she's talking about all of this. Billie said these things brought out trauma she had sexually. She said that TikTok is funny and it brings her joy but she's upset by the hyper sexualizaton of young women and men. She said that it's horrible to her. She said anyone can get the app. She said people make songs and sing about fucking and things on there. She said she loves sexual songs but the trend is to hold the phone in a way and then you make a body movement that looks like you're on top having sex. She said it just pops up on your phone and it's literally porn.

  Howard said she made a good point. He said if he had that at 14 then he would have been overly sexualized. He said it was an innocence that he had that he would have lost. He said he does watch a lot of porn even at his age. He said he's still beating off. He said he's not into that S&M though. He said he likes watching women massaging each other. Billie said she can't watch men in porn. Howard said he likes step brothers and sisters too. He said he has to get off of this and not run out of time with them.

  Howard said he has to celebrate the new album. He said they are going to do a couple of songs. He said they're going to do ''Everybody Dies.'' He said that's a subject that freaks him out. He said that he's running out of time so he gets it. He said he's not sure how much time he has left here.

  Howard asked what they mean by ''Everybody Dies.'' Billie said if he's flipped out by everyone dying then he might be flipped out by it. Howard said he loves his wife so much that he doesn't want to leave her. Finneas asked how much older he is than her. Howard said he's not sure how much is a lot older. Finneas said 10-15 years. Howard said it's something like that. He asked Finneas not to date her when he's gone.

  Howard asked Billie and Finneas to perform their song ''Everybody Dies.'' They went right into it.

  After the song Howard said he got the chills. He asked Finneas if he can knows he can play and not fuck up. He said that's the sign of a professional. Finneas said he does mess up but he hopes it's disguised. He said that Billie may hear it but the audience doesn't know. He said he hopes that they're subtle enough that only she knows or the guitar tech knows. Howard asked if Billie wrote it. Billie said they both did. Howard asked if they're obsessed with death. Billie said she is. She said that she does want to die but it's not a cry for help. She said she's exited for death. She said she has always been interested in it. She said she would go over to dead animals and stare at them for like 10 minute when they would go hiking. She said it was interesting and fascinating. Howard asked if she ever felt suicidal. Billie said she has but that was from depression. She said she is so relieved that we die. She said she's not happy that her parents are going to die. She said that haunts her. She said she is very excited for death and she hopes that it put people at ease. Howard asked if she believes in God Billie said she believes in whatever the fuck happens. She said there's no reason that someone should be skeptical. She said that we literally live on a ball in space. She said there's no reason that aliens don't exist if we can keep warm from this ball that's 93 million miles away. She said that it makes no sense that we're the only people that exist. Billie said she has no beliefs in anything other than we have no control over it.

  Howard asked what this next song is about. Billie said it's mainly about statutory rape. She said she has wanted to write about it for a long time. She said she started at 13 and she's still only 19. She said she has a lot of stories she won't tell. She said she doesn't feel she needs to. She said that it's people she knows and stuff. Howard asked why not ruin someone's life if they've done something wrong. He asked what held her back from saying something. Billie said she doesn't want to give them the attention. She said she has a lyric about them remaining unremarkable. She said that they will get attention if she does say who it is. Howard said if she has been abused then maybe she could stop someone else from being abused if she said something. Finneas said he wishes that society was less forgiving of predators. Billie said that some people don't realize it's wrong. She said she was very mature for her age and she's an old soul. She said the other person might be 28. She said she doesn't know why she doesn't want to do anything about it. Billie said if those people tried to say something about her then she would have to tell the truth. She said that almost happened but it didn't. She said that she would rather handle it internally and get them fired and make them aware of their actions.

  Howard asked if these people know that she's pissed off. Billie said she thinks so. She said that nothing crazy happened but a lot of inappropriate behavior happened with many people. She said it's embarrassing and people don't believe you and then she doesn't want to give them the attention. She said she doesn't want to get involved in all of that. She said she doesn't want to deal with it.

  Howard said a woman told him that she didn't tell her parents that she was raped because her father might kill the guy. He said that's one reason you don't go to your parents. Billie said when you're young and innocent you don't want the person to get in trouble when you're dealing with that. She said that Finneas was one person she told about with this one person. She said she asked him not to tell there mom. Finneas said he got that person fired. Howard said he understands that. Robin said Tina Turner hates being known for the Ike Turner stuff. She said that she saw a documentary about that and Tina hates that she's still known for that to this day.

  Howard said this song is called ''Your Power'' and they're going to do that now. Billie said the song is about people getting why they should regret what they did. She said she'll talk more about it after the song. They went into ''Your Power.''

  After the song Howard said that was beautiful. He said he has to get in a band. He said he's not sure why he's wasting his time with this show. He said he was told he has to wrap up with them. He said it's been like 2 hours now. He thanked Billie for doing the show. He said she sings great for being sick. He said she still sounds great. He said Finneas is very talented too. He said it's amazing that they've got so much talent in one family. He said that song was beautiful. He said it sounds like a betrayal from someone she admired and loved. Finneas said that's right. Billie said that it was more than the sexual abuse. She said everyone has power and we all need to figure out how to not abuse it. She said she talks about it a lot and it's not just about relationships and age power dynamics. She said we all have power and you want to misuse that power but we have to learn not to do that.

  Howard gave Billie a plug for her album Happier Than Ever and for Finneas' album ''Optimist.'' He said if he gets them in there again he has to talk about songs they cover and why they do it. He said he has so many things to talk to them about. Finneas said they love talking to him. Billie said that Howard is her favorite person to do this with. Howard said he has to get them back in there. He said say hi to their mom and dad too. Finneas said they'll come in when they're back in studio. Howard thanked them again and let them go.

  Howard said look at those two. Robin said she loves them so much. She said she feels like they're kids to them. Howard said that he's very youthful so he can't be one of their parents. He said he's just a friend.

  Howard said get the album. He said Ben Affleck will be on tomorrow and Neil Young on Wednesday. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:50am.

• Exciting Announcements. 12/14/21. 7:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: An announcement about Ben Affleck being on the show today.

  Howard started the show talking about how he's always maintained that a great song can be sung in any genre. He was talking about the opening song which was done as a Christmas song. Robin asked how rob feels about that. Howard said he wishes he had done it this way originally.

  Howard said he has a couple of exciting announcements to make. He said first of all he has to say what's happening today. He said Ben Affleck will be on the show today. He said he has to talk about Batman and the new movie he has. He said he has a lot to talk to him about. Robin asked if he thinks he's that into Batman that he can answer questions. Howard said he does. He said he the other thing he wants to talk to him about is the nutty fans with super hero movies who go after you. He said the first person who played Batman in the live action movies was Michael Keaton. He said they tried to take the job from the guy. He said people were signing petitions. He said it was like January 6th. He said then Heath Ledger was the Joker and people were going crazy over that. He said he got an academy award for that role. Howard said then it was Ben Affleck who got it. He said it happens all the time. Howard said Daniel Craig was going to play James Bond and people freaked out about that. He said he has been in 17 James Bond movies now. Robin said he's quitting and people are still saying he shouldn't do it. Howard said he has to talk to Ben about that.

  Howard said he has some announcements to make and one of which is that Ed Sheeran will be doing a small stages concert that will air on Howard 101 on Thursday. He said they take big performers and put them in intimate theaters. He said that they have done Coldplay and a bunch of others who played small places. He said that they're going to do this with Ed this week and he did this out in Los Angeles. He said it's a small intimate theater he performed at. He said they'll be airing that on Howard 101 at 5pm on Thursday.

  Howard played an example of Ed's work in the concert. He said that's one announcement.

• Beetlejuice Returns. 12/14/21. 7:10am
  Howard said the other announcement is big. He said this is bigger than the Ed thing. He said this might be the biggest thing he'll ever announce. He said that they have a jam packed week this week. He said they were talking about the greatest Wack Packer of all time and they were saying Beetlejuice and Eric the Actor. He said they can't choose between the two. He said Beetlejuice is the greatest living one. He said he's one of the most important people to grace the show. He said he transcends the show. He said that his nephew has a picture of Beetlejuice on his phone. He said they were lamenting the fact that Beetlejuice is never on the show. He said it's hard for him to get out of the house and all of that. He said today he's announcing that Beetlejuice is sitting in a hotel room and they have him on now. He played a big intro for him and then asked how he's doing.

  Beetlejuice said he's been knowing him for years. Howard said he has so many questions about the 5 year absence on the show. He asked what's been going on. Beetlejuice said he's been eating pussy for 5 years. Howard said he once said he fucked his wife. Beetlejuice said that's right it was 10 years ago. He said he's still asking about it. Howard said it's impossible to follow him. Beetlejuice laughed. He said he's been punching her like a damn hole.

  Howard asked Beetlejuice about moving back in with his mom. Beetlejuice said he did. Howard said she decided that he had to have a low profile. He said his legend has built up even more now. Beetlejuice said that's true. He said he's doing what he's gotta do.

  Howard said he heard that his mom is 70 now and his sister is taking care of him. Beetlejuice said that's correct. He said he's taking care of her too. He said it's all three of them. Howard asked if he's the one making the living for them. Beetlejuice said that's right.

  Howard asked how old he is. Beetlejuice said he's 80 years old. Robin said he's older than his mother. Beetlejuice said he does look younger. Howard asked if its' been difficult not to appear on radio and all of that. Beetlejuice said not that hard. He said he just has to do the job.

  Howard asked Beetlejuice how it came about that they got him there today. He said he knows his manager Bobby is there with him. Beetlejuice said they're in a hotel just sitting there. Howard asked how it's been seeing Bobby. Beetlejuice said Bobby is okay and he's taking care of himself. Howard asked how many women he's been getting. Beetlejuice said he's had about 100. He said he's all over the place finding women.

  Howard said one of the most popular videos he ever got was when he got his new teeth. He said now it looks like he has 3 teeth left. He asked what happened to them. Beetlejuice said they're getting made up right now. He said they're doing it right now. He said they're getting fixed. Howard said it must be hard to eat. Beetlejuice said he can still eat.

  Howard said he suspects it's been tough with this COVID-19 thing. Beetlejuice said that's been for a while. He said he has this thing in his heart. Howard asked what's going on. Beetlejuice said ''Me?'' He said you don't want to know about that. Howard said they lost Dominic the little person. He asked how he feels about that. Beetlejuice said he's still alive. He said he stopped drinking. He said he's still smoking though. He said it's good.

  Howard said smoking affects the heart. Beetlejuice said he's still living though. He said he's been doing it for 20 years bro. Howard said that Dominic would sometimes shit in his pants. Beetlejuice said he was shitting in Bobby's pants. He said he never shit in his pants. He said he shit on the floor one time. Howard said he didn't know that. Howard asked if he cares that he's gone. Beetlejuice said he can't do nothing about that. He said he can't say if he's gone or not gone.

  Howard asked when he started smoking. Beetlejuice said he was 14 when he started. Howard said he worries about his heart. He asked what's going on with his heart. Beetlejuice said he's all good. He said he has a pacemaker. He said he's still alive though.

  Howard said he always thought Robin wanted him. Beetlejuice said that was like 5 years ago. He said it didn't happen. Howard said he imagines what that would be like with the two of them naked. He said he guarantees he would have given her the time of her life. Beetlejuice said it didn't happen though.

  Howard said he heard that you're better at eating pussy when you have a pacemaker. Beetlejuice said oh yeah!

  Howard said he knows that the listeners are glued to the radio now. He asked if Beetlejuice is vaccinated. Beetlejuice said oh yeah. He said he got the shot. Howard asked if he wears a mask when he goes out. Beetlejuice said yeah. Howard said that shit is deadly. He said he heard sometimes he doesn't wear one. Beetlejuice said he always wears one.

  Howard asked if he cried when he got the needle. Beetlejuice said he never cries. He said he's not scared of no needles. Howard said there are so many people who are happy he's there today. He said that he was always the most masculine. He said he was a boxer and he boxed professionally for a while. He said he beat up a lot of people. He said he's the legendary Beetlejuice.

  Howard said there's some exciting news about Beetlejuice and Beetcoin. Beetlejuice said he has some in his hand right now. He showed it to Howard. Howard said what he's involved with is this cryptocurrency. He said you can buy this Beetcoin at GetBeetCoin.com

  Howard asked Bobby how this happened. Bobby told him that someone approached them about it and they got involved. Howard asked Beetlejuice if he was nervous about this at all. Beetlejuice said not at all. He said they talked about it. Beetlejuice said they talked with the guy and that was it.

  Howard said the coin opened up at 6 cents and now it's at 30. He said he must be a millionaire already. Beetlejuice said he is. Bobby said that it was doing well right off the bat. Robin asked where you can get it. Bobby said it's at GetBeetCoin.com.

  Howard said he has some stats on it. He said the current price is a little less than 30 cents. He said you pay that for a single coin. Beetlejuice said that's right. He said they also have something called an NFT coming out in February. He said he wants to beat the record of $69 million which was someone named Beeple. He said that they think people were confused and thought it was Beetlejuice so they want to beat that.

  Howard asked how Bobby got Beetlejuice out of his house and into the hotel. Bobby said he visits Beetlejuice during the weekends a couple of times a year and this time he did it during the week for them. He said they get so many messages about him being back on the show so they did it.

  Howard said he heard that Beetlejuice wanted to leave with Bobby at the airport recently and it was upsetting to him. Beetlejuice said he wanted him to get back to him when he got back home. He said he didn't want to disturb him.

  Howard said Beetlejuice has 2 million followers on Instagram. He said his nephew knows him from the internet and not even from their show. He said his fame is tremendous. He said it's phenomenal. Beetlejuice said he thinks that he's doing the right thing. He said they're friends and wherever he goes he goes.

  Howard asked if he's banging famous women. Beetlejuice said sometimes. He said he goes to a club and if Beetlejuice is there he's in. Howard asked if he has any names to share. Beetlejuice wasn't naming names. He said that the old lady can fuck now. He said she's 75 but she can fuck. Howard asked if he's really fucking a 75 year old. Beetlejuice said he is. He said that crazy bits no one wants to see her. Howard had mentioned Oprah so he may have been talking about her.

  Howard said some people want to congratulate him on his return to the show. Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Fun George Takei. He said he wants to ring his bell 12 times for his return. Beetlejuice asked if he thinks he's stupid. He said he's a very smart man. Howard asked what a 12 bell salute is. George said that it's a special honor. Beetlejuice talked over him and said he's not stupid. Howard said Beetlejuice knows about that. Beetlejuice said he knows what he's talking about. He said he's not dumb. Beetlejuice said he's smart. George said he is. Howard had George do this 12 bell salute. He rang the bell 12 times just for Beetlejuice. He said that's the same bell he calls Brad with.

  Howard said Beetlejuice speaks Japanese. He had him say a few words to George. Beetlejuice spoke some nonsense and George spoke back in Japanese.

  Howard thanked George for the 12 bell salute and let him go. He asked Beetlejuice if he should get a ton of money from his new enterprise how will he spend it. Beetlejuice said he will put it in the bank and keep it for life. Howard said that's so smart. He said so many people blow their money. He said he's going to put it in the bank. He said it's better than putting it into baseball cards like JD does.

  Howard took a call from Beetlejuice clips who claimed he was the real Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice asked who this fucking guy is. He was talking to himself. Beetlejuice clips said he cost him 5 grand. Howard asked what Beetlejuice has to say to this guy. Beetlejuice asked who this fucking guy is. Howard said he's not sure what the problem is but he's putting them all in a bad mood. Howard told Beetlejuice clips to go fuck himself. Beetlejuice said he's a phony mother fucker.

  Howard told Beetlejuice to set this guy straight. Beetlejuice asked who the fuck this guy is. Howard let Beetlejuice clips go a short time later. Beetlejuice wasn't really interacting with himself.

  Howard asked Beetlejuice what he missed about the show while he was away. Beetlejuice said the only person he misses is Howard. He winked according to Robin. Howard said he must be playing him. Beetlejuice asked if it looks like he's playing with him. He said he does miss him. He said he thinks about him. Howard said he thinks about him a lot. He said he likes to check in and see how he's doing. Beetlejuice said that he's been thinking about him.

  Howard asked if Beetlejuice will ever get married. Beetlejuice said probably next year. He said he probably has someone.

  Howard answered another knock at the door and it was fake Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold said hi to him and ie said that he has some important things to ask. He asked if Beetcoin is the right thing for him. Beetlejuice said it is. Arnold said he has to be in the movies. Beetlejuice said he's seen his movies. He said he's been doing them since he was a little kid. He said he used to be a weight lifter. Howard said it's good to see two legends talking to each other. Howard let Arnold go a short time later.

  Howard said he doesn't fully understand the Beetcoin thing but he's excited he got to see him. He said his head was spinning with conspiracy theories. Howard asked how many years it's been since he stopped drinking. Beetlejuice said it's a long time ago. Howard asked if he ever wants to drink. Beetlejuice said maybe twice or 3 or 4 or something. He said it doesn't matter. He let out a burp while he was saying that. He said that was a Beetleburp.

  Howard said he doesn't understand NFTs or this Beetcoin but he wishes him luck. Beetlejuice said he has to change his life. He said you have to change or you can't eat pussy. Howard said you have to have a lot of money to get pussy. Beetlejuice said that's right. He said change your life and have a beard. He said you have to grow a beard if you want to eat pussy. Howard said he doesn't have one though. Beetlejuice said he used to. He said Bobby will tell him.

  Howard said Beetlejuice is hung pretty big. Beetlejuice said he has one like a football or an 8 ball. Howard asked if that's important to a woman. Beetlejuice said women love that shit. Howard said sometimes it can be too big. Beetlejuice said there's nothing wrong with that. Howard asked how big it is. Beetlejuice said it's like 2 inches long. Howard said that's more than he's got.

  Howard said so many people love him that he's going to let them say hello. Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been waiting 5 years for this. He said welcome back. Beetlejuice thanked him.

  Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she loves Beetlejuice so much and she's so glad he's back. She said that she's his biggest fan. Howard hung up on her as she was screaming about that. Howard asked if he ever had sex with her. Beetlejuice said he told her to get the hell out. He said that's how bad she was.

  Howard took a call from fake Kim Kardashian who said she's having second thoughts of dating Pete Davidson and wants to go out with Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice said he would do that. Kim asked him to rap for her. Beetlejuice did a quick rap that was one sentence long.

  Howard took a call from a guy doing a woman's voice and she said she has had the biggest crush on him. Beetlejuice knew it was a man. He called her out on that.

  Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he was going to disguise himself and say that 75 year old was his woman. Howard said just ask him a question. King asked what kind of women he likes black, Spanish or white. Beetlejuice asked who gives a shit. He said it's all pussy. He said it's damn good. Howard said he loves all women. He said he's 100 percent into women. Beetlejuice said that's right.

  Howard said he wishes he would run for office. He said he's too busy with Beetcoin. Howard said he doesn't understand the NFT and coin stuff. Bobby said he doesn't know much about it either but the NFT will be on GoldInAuctions in February. He said it's just one of one. Howard asked what it looks like. Bobby said he has no idea but he was told it's just one of one. Beetlejuice said it's like a rookie card. Howard said you can buy this thing. He said thank god Beetlejuice has Bobby as a manager. He said it sounds good. He said be careful with whatever they're doing.

  Howard asked if anyone in the hotel is around who understands what an NFT is. He said he wants to know. He said they're going to do that NFT in February. Bobby said it's in February on GoldInAuctions.

  Howard said it sounds like Beetlejuice is looking to make a lot of money with this thing. He said if you get it then you're the only one who has it. He said they'll have to see how that goes. Bobby said you can follow him on Instagram and Twitter @BeetlePimp

  Howard said he heard that he's going to fly into space with Jeff Bezos too. Beetlejuice said he called him and he asked him if he wants to go. He said he said he wants to go. Howard said he's kind of jealous of that. He said he wants to be weightless. Beetlejuice said he's going to go. He said he wants him to join his band too.

  Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said this is the news of the year. He asked what he got from Santa for a gift this year. Howard asked what he asked for. Beetlejuice said he was thinking about getting a car for Christmas.

  Howard asked if he has anything he wants to accomplish in his life. Beetlejuice said he thinks that was it. Howard said going into space? Beetlejuice said you got to go there.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he lost his daughter's college fund on Beetcoin and he's taking him to court. Howard told him to stop it.

  Howard said he has Mildred the 75 year old on the phone. He said this is the woman Beetlejuice is fucking. Howard took the call from Mildred who was talking about fucking Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice said hell no that's not her. He said he must be trippin' man.

  Howard took a call from Balls who said that this is a historic show today. He asked what the best gift he ever got was. Beetlejuice said ''Not you, that's for sure.'' Howard let Balls go and played a Jingle Beet song that he did.

  Howard said that was fantastic. He congratulated him on that song. Beetlejuice thanked him. He said that's a great one for him.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he lives in Georgia and he found Beetlejuice fucking his wife on his bed and his wife wants a divorce now. He said that he ruined his life. Howard asked Beetlejuice if this guy is telling the truth. Beetlejuice said he has nothing to do with that.

  Howard said he thinks Beetlejuice looks great. He said whatever he's been doing has paid off. He said he made his morning. He said he's not drinking and he sounds clear headed. He said he has this new Beetcoin out. He said go to GetBeetCoin.com. Howard said what a morning it's been. Robin said she never thought this would happen and it's great to see him.

  Howard said he wishes them luck with everything. Bobby said he has a merch site too called BeetleMerch.com

  Howard wished them best of luck with all of that and said don't be a stranger. He said he loves Beetlejuice and Bobby. Beetlejuice said he wishes he could be there. He said he wishes he had them there. He was having some vocal problems himself so Robin said he's getting choked up over there. Howard asked him not to fuck his wife again. Beetlejuice laughed. He said he caught him. Howard said he loves him. He let Bobby and Beetlejuice go after that.

  Howard said he's sure Robin didn't expect that. Robin said not at all. Howard went into a live commercial read and then a break.

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• Calls, Jazz And More. 12/14/21. 8:05am
  After the break they played a Yucko the Clown Christmas interviews on the street bit, a JD birthday wish and Christina Aguilera's ''Beautiful.''

  Howard came back and said this is beautiful. He sang along with it sort of. He was humming along with it. Howard said this was written by Linda Perry of Four Non Blonds. He had some facts about the song that he went through. He said the song was a big hit.

  Howard said they had a busy morning already. He said he has a clip he didn't pay earlier. He said Dave Chappelle was on the show years ago and he was on with Beetlejuice. He played the clip and Dave and Beetlejuice talked about fighting crime on the weekends together. Howard said a lot of people didn't know that.

  Howard said he was going to do a retrospective of Beet's songs too. He played a montage of the songs he's done over the years. He said he had one hit after another. He said he loved them all.

  Howard said Beetle loves talking about women. He said it's all bullshit but it's good.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been listening for a long time and he wants to know something. He asked when Howard showers does he use a luffa or bar soap. He said he has his own opinion on it. Howard said he has a couple of things in the shower. He said he has a water proof pencil and a pad to write on. He said he has a bar of soap in there too. He said it's Dove soap. He said it's the most masculine soap. He said it's unscented. He said he doesn't want any smell. He said he puts the soap under his arm pit and moves it from the left to the right. He said then it goes under his balls. The caller said that each time you use bar soap it's taking a layer off. He said with a luffa you're catching stuff in it. He said you never get it off.

  Howard said the only other items he has is a shampoo and a hair conditioner. He said his hair comes out silky smooth and that's it. He said he has a brush in the shower for his feet too. He said you have to wash them too. He said that's it.

  Robin said he was going through this and he went from his arm pits to his bush. She said that's with the soap bar. Howard said you have to do that. He asked if she puts soap in her ass. Robin said she uses a shower gel. Howard said he hates gel. He said it doesn't give you a good lather. Robin said it does too. Howard said he gets a good lather from his bar soap. Robin said she has a power spray she uses for her asshole. Howard said she's doing too much so that's how she got cancer.

  Howard said that's the way to shower for real men. He said the way he does it is the right way. He said he's so disgusting. He said he sees himself in the mirror and it's gross. Robin said he's reacting to humanity and comparing himself to other people. Howard said Beth is what a human should look like. He said he looks at her and she's right.

  Howard said he got so angry watching I Am Jazz last night. He said he has been watching for 3 seasons now. He said that Jazz went through 3 vaginal surgeries that were brutal. He said she finally got the vagina and she looked great. He said this season they open up and she gained 100 pounds. Howard said he was yelling through the whole thing. He said she was valedictorian of her school and she got into Harvard. He said they start the season and she gained 100 pounds since the surgery. He said that she never went to Harvard either. He said this season she's struggling to lose the 100 pounds. He said now she wants to go to Harvard so she has to prove to them that she can go. He said he's going out of his mind over this whole show.

  Howard said he wants to lecture this girl but that's not the right thing to do. Robin said Billie Eilish was talking about that yesterday. She said that you can tell her what you want but she has to figure things out on her own. Howard said this Jazz gained 100 pounds and didn't go to Harvard. Howard said if he had been able to go to Harvard it would have been great. He said this girl is eating so much. He said last season they showed how much she was eating. She gained 100 pounds in a year. He said that's a lot.

• Fan Feedback, Healthy Ronnie And More. 12/14/21. 8:25am
  Howard said he has so much stuff to get to. He said he has fan feedback and a phony phone call Benjy made. He said he decided to do something for Christmas. He said he has Oprah audio book to play too.

  Howard read through some fan feedback about Billie Eilish being on the show yesterday. He said he's torn on porn. He said when you get exposed to porn at an early age it fucks you up. He said then he looks at repressed societies that don't have porn and he wants them to have it. He said that maybe they'd stop with all the bullshit. He said that he agrees with her in one way. Robin said at one point he said to her that if he had seen porn at 14 or 15 he'd have warped views on sex. Robin said she's not sure what to think of him. Howard said he isn't either.

  Howard said at 13 he was nervous about kissing a girl and feeling her up. He said he didn't know what to do. He said he didn't know what it was to be romantic. He said he wasn't able to go to his father. He said he knew nothing. He said he's lucky he got his mother.

  Howard said he remembers reading a book his parents had about having sex. He said it was called ''On Your Wedding Night.'' He said that book talked about fingering and things like that. He said that shows what a mess his parents were. He did an impression of the two of them talking about what to do during sex.

  Howard said he realized his whole family was a bunch of idiots that didn't know what they were doing. He did more of his impression of his parents trying to figure out sex. He had Ben talking about going down there and finding a forest.

  Howard said he wasn't mentally prepared for sex. He said if porn had been around he would have known what to do but he's not sure if that would have been smacking their ass or having them bent over. He said that he's kind of glad he had his innocence. He said in another way he's not. He said if he had porn maybe he would have known what to do. He said he didn't do it right the first time he did it. He said then he got this other girl and he knew to kiss her vagina. He said he had seen something about that. He said he was shocked that she had light hair down there and it was almost nothing. He said he was staring at it and thought about how much was going on down there. He said he was kissing it like it was her mouth. He said this chick hated it. He said she dumped him right after he fucked her.

  Howard said he was bad at it. He said he gets it. He said if he had porn he would have known something. He said Billie was right about it though. Robin said it's all about grabbing girls by the hair and all of that crap. Howard said Billie made a good point about getting into bed with a guy and how she thought that she had to be into getting knocked around. He said that he's not uptight about porn but he does agree that really young kids seeing it is scary shit to them. He said they don't know what's going on.

  Howard said there's no way parents are monitoring this stuff. Robin agreed. Howard said he would have been beating off 3-4-5 times a day if he had porn like they do now. Robin said the internet was the first place the porn people went when it was invented. She said they had to wrestle it back from the pornographers. Howard said free porn ruined the porn business. He said every clip is up there for free. Robin said you will pay for access if you're a man. She said if you have to get a girl to do something then they will pay. Howard said if YouPorn wasn't free he wouldn't pay for it.

  Howard said he still likes porn even though he's married. Robin said you don't want to have a conversation with a girl though.

  Howard said Billie sounded great yesterday even with a cold. He said she just did it. He said she hit a bunch of beautiful notes. He had some audio of her singing on yesterday's show. He had her singing ''Everybody Dies.'' Howard said people wrote in about that song. He read through some comments about that. There were a bunch of people who wrote in about how it made them cry.

  Howard said people wrote in about Ronnie's retweets about the girls who weren't so hot. He said people said he was crazy. Howard said for porn he thinks he could raise the level up. Robin said that these people have a broader sense of beauty. Howard said okay.

  Howard said Ronnie has already tweeted out 8 naked people this morning. Robin said yesterday had a name and today has a name. Howard said today is Tittie Tuesday. He said yesterday was Tittie Monday. He said that's how creative that is.

  Howard said Ronnie's twitter is a weird conglomeration of titties and messages. He said it usually has nothing to do with anything. He said he'll go on his phone to give her something. Howard said his daughter wished him luck with Ben Affleck today. He said she was really into him when she was younger.

  Howard found some Ronnie tweets and said that some of these girls should not be in pornography. He said they're just not right. Howard said Ronnie is a trip and a half. Howard went through some of the pictures that he was retweeting. Howard said then all of a sudden there's a picture of a dog. He said it was something about a dog that's not a Christmas present so don't adopt it if you can't take care of it for 15 years. He said then there's pictures of girls with huge tits. He said decide what you want to be. He said it's like one big porno site. He said that people say that they can't follow him because their wives think they're just looking at tittie pics.

  Howard read through some feedback about Ronnie and people were telling him not to change. Howard said Ronnie isn't going to change at this point. He said it's too late.

  Howard said some people think Ronnie has been disrespectful to him lately. He said he has to look into that. He said that they played a 40th anniversary game on the show a couple of weeks ago. He said people wrote in about that too. He said they also had people write in about Fred's sexual history. He said that was rare for him. He read through some feedback about Fred.

  Howard said one woman said that she's shocked that Fred has only been with 7 women and she'd like to be the 8th if he was single.

  Howard read through some feedback about vaccinations. He said some people appreciate them talking about it. Howard said he just got a note from a friend whose sister was triple vaxxed and she's in the hospital with COVID. Robin said that she has a friend whose neighbor got COVID from a home health aide. Howard said he has this note from the woman who has a friend in the hospital. Robin said there's another friend whose son is in his 40s who is in the hospital with COVID.

  Howard said he's not sure how we get out of this. He said some people are happy they talk about this stuff. He said some people aren't so happy about it. Robin said she's not sure how Broadway is going to stay open.

  Howard said they got an email from Brendan Boyle who is a congressman in Pennsylvania. He read through that note about the vaccines and how nice it is to hear Howard talking about it. He said he's willing to run with him in 2024 if he runs for President.

  Howard said Ralph just announced he got the booster and he's threatening to block people if they didn't get the booster.

  Howard said he has a few more things to choose from this morning. He asked Robin what she wants to do. He asked if she's ever going to call Ronnie. Robin said she will. She said sometimes she doesn't feel like talking. Howard said he doesn't pressure anyone into calling him. Robin said she doesn't dread calling Ronnie. Howard asked if she thinks he has anything to say. Robin said they do have great conversations and she will call him. She said she just doesn't call him often. She said it's best not to call too often.

  Howard took a call from Ralph who said these girls on Ronnie's Twitter are 6 and 7s. He said they have mismatched boobs. He said they're not that hot. He said Howard is right about having no quality control. Howard said Ronnie is not being discerning with them. He said he should make sure they're 10s.

  Howard said he has to say something about Ronnie. He said he's in his 70s and everyone in that age group has some health issue. He said that Ronnie has nothing wrong with him. He said he's never had surgery. Ralph said he may be blind based on these girls. Howard said he is in good shape for his age. He said he fucks like 4 times a week and he doesn't need Viagra or anything. He said he's doing good for a 72 year old. He said he looks like a guy who would have died in his 50s. He said you look at him and think he won't live that long. Robin said she thinks he did everything right at the very beginning of his life. She said then he got to 55 and then let go and enjoyed the good health for the rest of his life.

  Howard said Ronnie has had kidney stones but he even changed that. He said he stopped drinking iced tea. Ronnie got on and said he thinks that was it. He said he hasn't had kidney stones since 1999. He said that he changed his diet and he got the cement shit in his ass but that's fine now too. Ralph said he gets so scared when he can't shit right. He said he's afraid that he's going to end up like Ronnie.

  Howard said Billie was great yesterday talking about violent shitting. Ralph said she was great yesterday. He said she's so evolved. He said that she had some great thoughts on abuse of power and all of that. Howard said he thought talking about her shitting was great. He said that her whole body freaked out and he knows what she means when the violent shitting happens. He said he's not sure who cleans that up. He wondered if she has a person to clean that up.

  Howard said he's complimenting Ronnie on this because of all the people he knows in his age group he's doing well. He said his father died of a heart condition. Ronnie said that his father had a heart condition at 50. He said he had a few more after that first surgery. He said they ran of out things they could do for him. He said it was bad. He said his mother had a stroke at 84. Howard said he's thinking that 84 is young.

  Ronnie said that song that Billie did yesterday about dying really hit home. Howard asked if he wants to do the new poem now. Howard said he's into it but his microphone connection is bad again. He said he doesn't want to ruin it. Ronnie said he thought it was working fine this morning. Robin said no it's not.

  Howard asked Ronnie why he updated his poem about winter. Ronnie said it's the 10th anniversary and the guys told him he might want to do it. Howard had some audio of JD reading the poem 10 years ago. JD was cracking up and unable to read it with a straight face.

  Howard asked if JD is excited for this updated version. JD said he's always excited for a Ronnie poem. Ronnie said he wanted JD to read it today. Robin said he might have to with his microphone cutting out. JD said he can do it. Ronnie said he'll do it if he wants. Howard said he thinks it might be funnier if Ronnie reads it. Howard said he had to cut JD off last time because he was laughing so much.

  Howard said he thinks JD will just get to listen this year. He said it's up to Ronnie. He said he'll leave it up to him. Ronnie said he will read it but he thinks JD would be better at it. JD said he has it in front of him now. Ronnie asked him to really try to read it. Howard said do it with emotion too. He said he did work on it for a long time. Ronnie said he worked on it for 2 days. Howard said he probably has 5 days left to live so that's a lot of time. He asked JD to read it seriously. JD said alright.

  Howard had him read it. JD read the new poem. He started laughing after reading the intro and then again when he read the word ''Winter.'' he was laughing at his grammar.

  Howard asked if anyone got Sal's Christmas card. He said he wrote ''Governale's'' in the card. He said you don't put an apostrophe in there. He said everything he does is moronic. Howard asked if he had anyone look over it. Sal said he thought that's the way it was supposed to be. He said he doesn't know. He said he's sorry he got it wrong.

  Howard asked Sal how many times his thoughts have been wrong. He said he got it wrong. He said how about just writing ''The Governale family'' instead. Sal said he's not that good with the internet either. He said that he put garlic in his penis thanks to the internet. Howard said he went to college. Sal said he did. Howard said he should have his kids look over the card first. He said how about that. Sal said he should. He said his kids are very smart. Howard said his wife turned to him and showed him the card. He said he looked at it and said ''Oh fuck.''

  Ronnie said he got the same shit about his card yesterday. Sal said he thought it was Two Nights at the Venetian. Ronnie told him to go fuck himself.

  Howard said Sal has to send out a correction card. He asked how many he sent out. Sal said he thinks about 150. Howard asked what's going on. Sal said he doesn't know.

  Howard said he didn't have a great education but he would just change it if he didn't know. He said he'd write 'The Stern Family'' if he didn't know. Howard said Sal wants to be smart. He said he once claimed he got a 3.9 GPA in college. He said he lied about that. Sal said he did very well and he had a 3.7. Howard said now we're down to a 3.7. Sal said it was in one class. Howard said he had a 2.3 GPA when he graduated. Sal said that's right. He was about to explain more but Howard cut him off and told JD to get back to the poem.

  JD read more of Ronnie's updated ''Winter'' poem. He read through it but started cracking up again. The poem was updated so it reflecting on Ronnie's move to Las Vegas. Howard said he liked the old poem better.

  Howard said nice read by JD. He said he has said that most sequels suck and he was right. He said this one did kind of suck. Ralph was still on the phone saying that some of the lines were kind of messy. Ronnie said they made sense. Howard said this was more like Godfather part 3 than part 2.

  Ronnie had to explain some of the lines in his poem. Howard said Ronnie Puppet wrote a poem too. He had Fred do that bit. Ronnie puppet had a poem about Winter and it had more cock and cunt references in it than Ronnie's real poem.

  Howard said that's good. He said Robin is crying over that one. Ronnie puppet said that cunt is always in season at the end of that one. He yelled out ''Sixty nine!'' a bunch of times too. Howard said he's like a filthy Robert Frost.

  Howard said he loves Ronnie and he loves Sal too. He said Sal's family did look beautiful. Sal said they mean the world to him and he wishes them great love. Ronnie told him to shut the fuck up. He asked what the hell that was. Sal said goodbye to everyone. Howard asked what happened to his hair. Sal said he doesn't know. He said he's just slicking it back. He said he won't go to the barber. He said he got his booster yesterday too. Howard said he's scared too. Robin said she had to turn down someone for Christmas. She said she's not going to do that. Howard said she's not going anywhere. He said she has to stay home. He said she's a shut in. Howard thanked Ralph for the call and let him go.

  Howard said if he hears that Robin goes somewhere she's in trouble. He said that he doesn't want to hear it. He said if she does go somewhere he's going to get upset.

  Howard said he heard that Ben Affleck is running late. Gary said he's got a few minutes. He said they're still scheduled for 9:30. Howard said he's not going to question it then. Robin said she was thinking about Ben and what a talent he is. Howard said he hasn't had an easy life either. He said he read up on his early life. He said he started acting at 11. He said he wishes he had been able to do that.

  Howard said he wasn't even able to beat off at 11. He said he didn't have that figured out. He said he went on radio in college and he was a mess. Howard said they'll take a break and come back and see what's going on. They went to break a short time later.

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• Ben Affleck Visits. 12/14/21. 9:25am
  After the break they played a phony phone call Asian Pete and Marfan Mike made to Santa, a Donnie Enos bit where he bragged about the gifts he was getting for Christmas to people on the street, a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' song parody, a phony phone call the guys made to a restaurant using Gary Dell'Abate audio book clips and Prince's ''Bat Dance.''

  Howard came back and said he gets it. He said Ben Affleck and Batman so the song. He said he thinks this is the best soundtrack album he's ever heard. He said it's the most brilliant bit of music he's ever heard. He said he plays it and he knows that Ben Affleck would agree with him. He said Ben is there with them now. Howard asked if he thinks this is one of the best soundtracks ever. Ben said he loves Prince and he had a Prince poster on his wall growing up. He said his mother wasn't happy about it. He said he was in his underpants on the poster. He said he didn't love that album. He said there were other albums. He said that whole turned faded and they stopped doing big albums like that.

  Howard asked what's going on in there. Ben said they have people working on the house next door at 6 in the morning. He said he spent like 10 minutes with the audio guys before the show. He said they sent a nice microphone and they ended up using his cheap one instead.

  Howard asked where Ben is now. Ben said this is his house. Howard said it looks like an editing room. Ben said it is. He said he was spending so much time doing editing that he built this room there at his house. He said now he gets to spend time with his kids. He said he can do the editing at home. He said you can get normal computers and do all of the work at home. He said it's just like working in the editing room.

  Howard asked if he's good at editing now. Ben said he thinks he is. He said that he had hired someone to do it but the guy told him to take a crack at it. He said Billy Goldberg and Chris Ross are great at it. He said he hears every morning what was said on the show. He said that Billy is a big fan of Howard's. He said they both can edit now because they can do it over the internet.

  Howard said he has spoken to some editors and some guys trust only a few guys. He said if you're a director then it can be a danger to be in the editing room. Ben said he thinks that's what guys use if they just want to go home. He said there are great editors who do turn it over to other editors. He said that he could turn it over to his guys and it might be better if he did. He said he has ideas that he wants to do and he can't just do that. He said he has to do something he likes and loves. He said that film making is an interesting art form because it's collaborative. He said that the most undervalued people are the editors and cinematographers.

  Howard said he saw a good example of that. He said Ivan Reitman put a shot in that didn't work and he changed it to another shot of him and it worked. He said they tested the movie two times and it worked when they had him looking directly into the camera. He said he might be right about the editor being the most important person.

  Ben said that it just takes a little bit of change and it can make a movie work. He said editors are masters. He said they have experience and they know tricks. He said that's the key. He said it's not like filming where everyone is all over you. He said they get into the editing room and they have quiet. He said you can take your time. He said he loves it more than anything. He said it can improve a movie. He said you want to hang yourself with the first edit. He said then you work on it and work on it to get it right. He said give them a chance to get it right and it turns out good. He said if the studio is demanding it by a certain date then you rush it. He said then they give you notes a month later and you have to make changes.

  Howard said movie studios know what they're doing. He said that they have to find the right people and come up with a script. He said that they would be stupid to rush the final product. Ben said that there are some studios that don't do that. He said everyone is working for their own and they have blinders on for what they need. He said you have to recognize that they're working for their needs. He said that he wrote a book about the making of Chinatown and the movie was a constant fight between everybody. He said now that's taught in film school that it was the perfect movie. He said that they all fought for their views on the movie and that's why it turned out the way it did.

  Howard said he's reading about Mel Brooks and he says that he put in his movie that he is to get final cut. He said he has that in all of his contracts. He said then you can tell people to fuck off.

  Ben said it's a big deal to have people believe in you. He said that you have to let the guy do his job. He said don't stand over his shoulder or hire someone else. He said he hasn't always known which lines will work or not. He said there's a huge power with the audience when you show it to them. He said that you can get self conscious about the whole thing. He said you fight and fight and then you see the audience get bored and you want to cut things out. He said it's revealing and powerful to have the audience there. He said he will cut it and show it to people he knows. He said he'll show it to people who aren't in the business. He said that he isn't supposed to do that but he likes doing that. He said then you have the test and you can find out the answers to the more nuanced stuff.

  Howard asked Ben about making all of this money in the business and if people call him to come and watch their movies. He said he thinks that's what he'd do. Ben said that people do that with everyone. He said that he has friends who he knows who will ask him to do things like that. He said there are a few people he really counts on. He said some people are really observant and they won't make you feel like shit but they'll tell you the truth. He said he has some great ideas from those people. He said he'll show it to Matt Damon or David Fincher or someone like that. He said even Robert Downey Jr. He said it sounds like name dropping. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said that Bradley Cooper asked him to come see an early screening of ''A Star Is Born'' and it was very awkward. He said that he doesn't think that Ben would tell someone the film doesn't work but that's what they're asking him to do. Ben said he wouldn't say that. He said he'd never tell someone that they're fucked. He said he can help by giving some advice. He said he met Bradley Cooper back in 2000 on a film and he's one of the most useful people to use on a film. He said he's the only person who can come out after a first view and tell him what he thinks was wrong with it. He said that he'll give him advice on how to cut it. He said he has a really good memory and good taste. He said he thought it was a shame that he didn't get nominated for that movie. He said he thought it was very well done. He said he has seen films that were really bad but he can't tell the person that. He said that he has told them that he has to go do something else. He said you can't hurt people's feelings.

  Howard said he got into painting and he doesn't want to hear opinions on that. He said he can't imagine doing a film and dealing with all of that. He said when it doesn't come together he can't imagine it.

  Howard said Good Will Hunting could have gone wrong. He said they were able to be in it and that must have changed their whole life. He said it could have been completely fucked up. Ben said they have better cameras in their phones now than they did back then. He said if he had this camera back then he could have made it with the phone and it would have been shit. He said it doesn't give you the discipline. He said you can get lazy if you have what you have today. He said their first cut was kind of shit when they shot it. He said that they were exposed to some older film makers and they were able to work with a bunch of them. He said they shot some stuff that was funny and they were told to take it out. He said they wanted to see the serious stuff. He said they were just 22 years old at the time and you think you know everything.

  Howard said he knew the guy who wrote Pretty Woman and he had a whole side story in the movie and Gary Marshall had him cut it all out. Ben said he thinks she died in the end of that.

  Howard said Ben and Matt knew that they had to have someone famous in the movie and they knew to keep it short. Howard said it worked because they got Robin Williams to do it and he won and Oscar. He said that he gave such a great performance. Ben said it wouldn't have made it if they didn't have Robin in it. He said they knew Gus Van Zandt and his cousin was in one of his movies. He said they met with a bunch of directors and tested with people like Mel Gibson. He said Mel had something else going on at the time. He said they wanted Mel to direct but he didn't want to do it. He said Mel was really cool about it and said give him 30 days. He said on day 30 he said he didn't want to do it and didn't want to hold them up. He said Michael Mann tested with them too but didn't end up doing it.

  Howard asked Ben if he takes pride in meeting with Mel and then he's there at the Academy Awards and he sees Mel there. Ben said not at all. He said he gets why they turn things down. He said that Mel was true to his word. He said there were people on their way who did screw them. He said Mel wasn't one of them. He said they had this publicist who was helping them out and they thought they could sell this movie. He said they had a bidding war and they ended up selling it and the studio had a director set up. He said they wanted to try to get some of their heroes to do it first. He said they gave them 30 days to find the person. He said if they didn't do it they'd be lucky to get tickets to the premiere. He said that he was willing to risk that at 22. He said now he'd be afraid to do that. Ben said they had one meeting where the guy said he wanted to say no to their face. He said they were too happy to be upset. He said they were overwhelmed and they had no idea what was happening.

  Ben said that Howard must have been to some Oscar parties. Howard said he hasn't but go ahead. Ben said that you go to the parties and they're just famous people who show up at the parties. He said at the time they went to this party and they thought they were having a party for them so it was their party said they had to fill it. He said they brought like 25 people to this club in L.A. He said he showed up and it was full of people like Steven Spielberg. He said it was people like that who were there with their friends from Boston. He said that's how little they understood the business.

  Howard asked how he relates to Robin Williams. Ben said he was the biggest star at the time. Howard asked if he stayed in touch with him. Ben said he did. He said he took it for granted at the time. He said that he was very generous and kind. He said he'd finish the day after 30 takes and want to do it more the next day. He said he called him boss and he was only 22 at the time. He said Robin was very sweet to them. Howard said that's an interesting insight. He said he always heard that Robin was very insecure. He said he was so insecure that he was freaked out when Jim Carrey came on the scene. Ben said he saw that and that's the truth. He said that was happening when they were shooting the movie. He said he had a meeting 6 months ago with a guy who has accomplished a lot. He said he assumed he knew he was a genius. He said the guy is still hostile and defensive and he had met him once before. He said that the guy still needed that recognition and the insecurity never leaves people. He said you can be huge and famous and you still need that

  Ben said that he remembers seeing Entertainment Weekly putting out an issue where they had Robin listed as the number 1 comedian in the world. He said they had Jim Carrey on the cover and Robin was upset about that. He said Robin was insecure about that. He said that he always wanted to get a part over Matt but if he didn't get it then he wanted Matt to get it. He said he never wanted Matt to fail. He said they wanted to do things together. He said people have the idea that they have to destroy a person if you think they're going to take your work away.

  Howard said it's very highly evolved to think the way he thinks. He said he suffered from that same thing when he was coming up. He said he had to destroy other radio guys. He said that there was plenty of room for everyone on radio. He said he read that about Robin Williams and he thought about what a fucking talent he was. Ben said he saw him do stand up and he was amazing. He said that he had heard some of the jokes before but he was making up some of it as he went along. He said he really was brilliant. He said he thinks that Robin felt like he had Tourette's in a way. He said he was warm and kind and open and insecure too. Ben said it's a hard thing to break into. He said the business is hard. He said he once asked Warren Beatty if he was nervous. He said Warren said that he would just look over at the direct and ask himself ''Well, if this asshole can do it...'' He said that you just know that you can or can't do things. He said he got to a point where he realized he's not shit. He said he knows what he's doing. He said that comes with time. He said you fake it early on.

  Howard said the relationship with Matt Damon is a true love story. Howard said they were like 8 years old. Ben said he was 8 and Matt was 10. He said that was the only time when Matt was taller than him. Howard said those two years can be huge. Howard said they would go on auditions together and they were happy for each other if they got the job. He said to grow up and write a movie together is something. He said it's crazy that they worked out in acting class and did some Good Will Hunting in class. Ben said they were doing stuff like that and they were just bullshitting. He said they knew how to write to make it sound. He said they never thought they were going to make it. He said they had a VHS cassette with their reel on it. He said they were able to do their Boston accents so that's what they would do.

  Howard said the fact that he had an agent before Matt and he wanted to share him with Matt is a big deal. He said that's a huge deal. He said he would want his agent to himself. He said that's the most loving thing he could do. He said that's truly loving. Ben said he was a kid at the time. He said they were talking about it the other day and they were very lucky. He said they went off and chased their careers after that first movie. He said they just did a movie together and they were writing it together. He said they've been through this process together with other people but they work really well together. He said he asked what the odds are that they would have this level of working together so well. He asked how many times that has happened in history. Howard said it's like John Lennon and Paul McCartney. He said that's what was very shocking to him. He said it's really remarkable that it has worked out that way. Ben said he and Matt didn't know any better. He said they didn't know what they were doing but they were off and running.

  Ben said that he had taken Blake Lively out and he showed her where Matt did something and she didn't know that he knew Matt. He said he realized she wasn't as old as he was at that point.

  Howard said sometimes there's a team that works and then they go off and one becomes huge and one disappears. He said it's like Ryan Seacrest and Brian Dunkelman. He asked if he ever worried about that. Ben said he did worry at one time. He said that if Matt was successful and he wasn't then he'd be borrowing money from Matt. He said he did 3 movies in a row that bombed and he did worry at that time. He said it's like kids fighting in school and a kid gets beat up and then someone comes over and kicks him in the head. He said he felt that energy.

  Ben said they were going to shut down a film he was going to do and he felt that pain then. He said they shut the film down and he can't say who it was. He said that person affected him very profoundly. Howard asked who it was. Ben said he can't say. He said that one of the people in charge of it didn't want to make it and it was like being fired. He said they were willing to pay money not to work with him. He said he told Matt at the time that he can't sell movie tickets but he can sell tabloid magazines if he's on the cover. He said there was no exit. He said this is what he got from all the work. He said he could have worked at 7-Eleven. He said that he didn't want to be made an object of ridicule. He said that people just follow along and make fun of you because other people do it. He said in some ways it's the best thing that happened to him. He said that he wanted to keep going and hadn't changed much. He said he was kind of coasting at the time.

  Ben said that there was this line producer who worked on the Star Wars movies and he read an interview with the guy and he mentioned him. He said that he had Robert Wahl joking about him in his act. He said that some journalist was talking to this Star Wars line producer and the guy responded to the reporter saying that Ben Affleck would murder children to be famous. He said he's not even sure what to say to that. He said the guy was basically saying he'd do anything to be famous. He called his lawyer and asked if he can sue over that. He said he thought about how he has to let that go. Ben said someone told him to just try directing instead of acting. He said he knew he could do it and he wanted to put all of his energy into that. He said he knew if that didn't work then it was the whole ball game. He said he was terrified and he had an idea. He said he knew it could fail but if it did then it would be on his own merit. He said that was ''Gone Baby Gone'' and it worked. He said it didn't do really well but it worked. He said that he didn't think he'd ever act again in movies. He said that he killed himself doing all of this stuff. He said he did The Town and he didn't think much about it until just recently. He said he felt he had to make it twice in the business. He said once as an anonymous person and then as a person that wasn't liked in Hollywood. He said he built back up and he got to do things that were very difficult.

  Howard said in a way that second comeback was something. He said that's even tougher than writing Good Will Hunting. He said he remembers those days. He said he did wonder what happened to him.

  Howard said he was going to ask about his relationship with Jennifer. He said it can't be easy being involved with another actor. He said that people knock you down. He said that can't be pleasant at home. He said that had to have ruined it the first time. Ben said it was probably 50 percent. He said people hate you and hate you being together. He said being banished and exiled can affect your brain.

  Howard asked if Ben is one of these guys who has a list of people in his life who were shits to him. He said he has a list like that. He said he will probably never forgive them. He asked Ben if he has a list of people like that. Ben said there were people who didn't want to know him. He said it got to a point where his brother was at a dinner and this guy launched into this rant about him and Jennifer and his brother said that's his brother. He said the guy said ''yeah, but you know what I mean.'' Ben said that there were people who he thought liked him but then they disappeared. He said he knows who his friends are. He said there were people who were good to him and gave him a crack. He said there were a few relationships that were good. He said he had friends who said this is bad and he realized you don't need a lot of friends. He said then The Town came out and it was good. He said he remembers standing there and getting a call from this guy who is his agent. He said they were going to fix this whole thing. He said his agent now has more money than him and he wonders how that happened. He said he had to welcome all of their old friends back so he wasn't holding grudges. He said he was going to hire people he knew hated him. He said he knows there's a guy who works on Saturday Night Live who hates him and he knows he bad mouths him. He said what he did was go up to him on the set when he was hosting. He said he told this guy he carries the fucking show and the guy completely turned around. He said the guy looked at him like he wasn't so bad. He said that guy doesn't really know him and he's unhappy. He said that's not about him. He said that he took that approach and it works.

  Ben said if he had let himself go down that road he would have been a bitter, miserable guy. He said he didn't want that. He said he doesn't want to be miserable.

  Howard said he finds that highly evolved. He said that he's thinking about the night Argo won best picture. He said Michelle Obama and Jack Nicholson presented the awarded to him. He said he's starting to realize what a triumph that was for him. He said what a moment that was. Ben said it was the single most self satisfying moment for him. He said he had to prove he belonged there. He said he was able to do that. He said it was 15 years after Good Will Hunting. He said it was a lot of bullshit in those 15 years. He said it was must more meaningful than Good Will Hunting. He said it wasn't even a fuck you to people. He said you can't hold grudges. He said he was happy he got there. He said he had enough. He said he just wanted people to think he belonged there.

  Howard said he thought it was strange that he didn't get best director. Ben said that was kind of weird. He said he did everything he thought he had to do to get that. He said he wanted it though. He said that he wanted it for that reason and everyone told him he was going to win. He said he was told he was a lock. He said he got up that morning and did assume he'd be nominated. He said everyone said it so they must know. He said they read the names and he didn't think it was going to happen. He said he made some calls and said he was never going to do it again. He said that he didn't think they did get Best Picture but they left him out. Howard said it doesn't compute. Ben said it was everything but best director and the lead of the movie. He said that day he had to go to the Critic's Choice Awards. He said they have the longest red carpet in humanity. He said that every question was about being snubbed. He said you have to pretend you're okay. He said it was the worst acting of his life. He said he got halfway through it and just let it go. He said he just let it go and said life is hard and what are you going to do. He said by the time he got to the 15th affiliate from Dallas he was talking about getting smacked in the mouth. He said then he went in and won the Critic's Choice award. He said after that they won every award. He said they don't even need all of that stuff but he is glad they won.

  Howard asked Ben what it's like now that you can't even open a movie in a theater. Ben said he's had this conversation over the last year and everyone is talking about it. He said he thinks he knows what's good and not good. He said that this audience for this movie isn't going to the theater now and will never go. He said he knows that people don't want to see these dramas in the theater. He said that's over. He said people going to the movies now are kids who want to get out of the house. He said people who want to see this movie want to watch it at home. He said that these streaming services are making great stuff. He said Succession and Narcos Mexico are just great. He said he thinks the theater thing is over. He said he thinks you'll see less movies released in theaters. He said they'll have Marvel movies and things like that in theaters. He said it's very expensive to do open a movie in a theater. He said there's a lot of risk in it. He said that Netflix is worth more than Disney now. He said Disney has so many things going on and Netflix is still worth more. He said Disney has 100 million subscribers but Netflix is worth more because Wall Street is obsessed with growth.

  Howard said he you used to have back end on movies. Ben said they took that away. He said streaming movies do well and they work theatrically too. He said people are watching more television now. He said the interest in movies is going up and he hopes that it leads to more work for him. He said Apple is worth almost 3 trillion dollars. He said people value this company like you can't believe. He said they're jumping into this business because they have the pipe and the bankroll.

  Howard said West Side Story opened up and they say that it made like 10 million but cost 100 million to make. Ben said he thinks that it'll do fine. He said that movie is probably worth a lot to the streamer that gets it.

  Howard said this new movie, The Tender Bar, is opening on Friday. He asked about George Clooney asking him to direct it and if he feels he has to do it. Ben said that he read the script and he asked to do it. He said he wanted to do it. He said George said he was going to make it and he wanted to do it. He said George knows how to do what he does and he can give notes to him that he understands. He said George is so fucking sharp and you can sit down with him and talk about it.

  Howard said Ben said he got this script and he loved it right from the start. Ben said he did Gone Girl with David Fincher too and that was another script he loved.

  Howard said this new movie is about him being a mentor to a little boy in his life. He said he loves that the DJ is the bad guy. Ben said that everyone takes shit personally. Howard said he loved it because he has worked in so many radio markets and he knew tons of guys like that. He said he knew guys who were addicted to cough syrup on the air. He told the story about this boy who has a radio guy as a father and he's a bad father. Howard said Ben comes into his life as his uncle and he shows him the way. He said we all wish when had a guy like that in our lives.

  Howard said this is not unlike what happened to Ben in his life. He said his mother married a guy who wasn't the greatest. He said he was an alcoholic among other things. Ben said his father was sober for 30 yeas but it was the years when he wasn't sober that he remembers. He said that's why he's sober. He said he won't miss this time in his kid's lives.

  Howard said this movie is almost a parallel of his own life. He asked if he felt it was like his own life. Ben said there were a lot of things in the story that were like it. He said his father was kind of like his father and Charlie in the movie. He said that his dad was in his life and he was very much like this character. Howard asked if he was ever able to talk to his dad and ask him why he wasn't in his life. Ben wasn't able to answer right away. He said it's hard for children to do. He said it's hard to understand your parents. He said if they don't love you or they're drunk and cranky it's hard. He said his father had a tough life. He said that he doesn't want to beat up on his father. He said many of his mistakes are his own mistakes. He said that alcoholism is poisonous to children. He said being neglectful of kids makes them feel unloved and that they're not good. He said if he doesn't like you then you think you're the asshole. He said his father could be mean and tough. He said that was hard. He said he didn't feel well liked. He said he didn't even realize that. He said you want to defend him in some way. He said he wanted his father there. He said even now he knows that the alcohol had a lot to do with it. He said that he knows the trauma was part of it too.

  Howard asked Ben if he didn't want his father to be jealous of him so he didn't accept his fame early on. Ben said he may have been like that.

  Howard asked Ben about the people who rejected him when he was having a hard time being like father figures to him. He said that they got to him even though they shouldn't have. Ben said that he doesn't want to be like ''Whoa is me.'' He said that if people tell you that you're shit you think you are but he's learned not to listen to that. He said he went through therapy and things and he has learned to let that go. He said it was really hard for him and he thinks this movie is good because he has seen both sides of the father. He said he understands how important fathers are. He said you show the children that you believe in them and they have worth and can do hard things. He said you love them and the way you do that is be honest with kids. He said you can be honest and tell them that they're not good at something but that's okay. He said you tell them that you love them even if they can't do that thing.

  Howard asked if you want to scream at your father that you were able to figure things out. Ben said he wouldn't want to put that on him. He said he has been sober for 30 years. He said that he can appreciate that but that doesn't make what he did to him as a kid go away. He said his father knows that he fucked him up. He said he's apologized to him for that.

  Ben said when he was in 6th grade the 7th grade he went on a class trip and went to the court house. He said they came back and they had seen his father there at the court house. He said they got there and the case they were seeing was his dad getting arraigned for DUI and coke possession. He said that stuff sticks with you. Howard said he could go to his father and tell him that he fucked him up. He said that's a brave move. He said not a lot of people can do that. Ben said he wasn't able to do it until he was a man. He said getting sober made him realize how tough his father had it.

  Howard said he was also realizing now that taking the role of Batman is insane. He said that fans shit on everyone who takes that role. He said even Michael Keaton had to hear it. He said Heath Ledger heard it too. He said Ben gets Batman and the criticism was brutal. He said he must have taken that to heart. Ben said he was hurt but less hurt than it would have been 10 years earlier. He said he did it for his kids. He said he did it so they'd be proud but kids are never proud of you. He said his kids only want to see Armageddon. He said they get joy out of making fun of you. He said he could never do that to his father. He said he loves that they can do that with him.

  Howard said what they don't see is him as a fragile human being. He said Ben had to walk on eggshells around his father. He said it's crazy what you have to deal with. Ben said his kids are great and he has to jam a whole week of dad into 3 and a half days since he's divorced. He said he has no idea what the fuck is going on so the kids know that.

  Howard asked Ben about being divorced and how he has to pack in being a fun dad. He said it seems like everything he does is filmed. He said he doesn't know how he hasn't lost his cool. Ben said he has lost his cool. He said he'll lecture the guys about it before bringing the kids out. He said they don't care.

  Howard said the relationship with Jennifer brings even more of that to his life. He said that he can't be a dad if they're together. He said it's a dynamic like he's never seen before. Ben said that his responsibility to his kids is the most important thing. He said that he knows his life affects them. He said his 9 year old will talk about what happens at school. He said it's hard on the kids to have celebrity parents. He said he's brought that to them. He said that he has tried to live his life. He said they printed horrible lies about the divorce in the paper. He said it was all bullshit. He said they took their time and made a decision about it and split. He said that was not an easy thing to do. He said that he was drinking during that time. Howard asked if he was ever suicidal during that. Ben said not at all. He said he had that when he was young. He said he's on anti-depressants and he's been on them for 25 years. He said he believes in them.

  Howard asked how hard it is to get sober. Ben said it's a 10 out of 10 at the start. He said it gets easier. Ben spent a few minutes talking about getting sober and how tough that is on the kids. He said that he hasn't wanted to take a drink when he realized how tough it is on the kids.

  Howard said he didn't want to turn into his father. Ben said he thought about that too. He said the years his father drank are the years he remembers.

  Howard said everyone is addicted to something and we don't put the same stigma on eating like we do with drinking and drugs. Ben said he thought that AA was so you didn't get stigmatized by being anonymous. He said that they added that anonymous thing because people were going to meetings and then going out and getting drunk after. He said they were embarrassing the people at the meetings.

  Howard said he thanks Ben for talking about this stuff today. He said that more people have to hear about it.

  I have to apologize for zoning out during this interview. Occasionally I just can't listen to these 2+ hour long interviews and stick with it. I can't go back and listen later because I never want to hear Ben Affleck's voice again. There's a few minutes of this interview I just can't type up. The guy goes on and on and I can't take it.

  Howard said he has a million things to talk to him about but he's taken up enough of his time. Ben rambled for a few more minutes about child actors or something that I wasn't able to focus on.

  Howard gave Ben some plugs for his new movie and said they're running out of time. Ben said he'll come back. Howard said they'll talk about a lot of stuff. Howard said the new movie is directed by George Clooney. He talked to Ben about the story George told about shitting in the cat litter box. Howard said it was a pleasure to talk to him. He said The Tender Bar is opening on Friday in theaters.

  Robin said the movie was amazing to her. She said she's had experiences with alcoholics and this is really the way it is.

  Howard said Ben is nominated for a Golden Globe for this movie. Ben said he thinks that's right. He said he didn't get into a lot of things with him. He mentioned some movies that he wanted to talk about. They ended up talking about them even though Howard said he was trying to wrap up.

  Howard said he sees a sign that says he really has to go. Ben said Howard does very insightful interviews. He said he got him off guard a few times but he enjoyed doing it. He said he has to thank him. Howard wrapped up and let him go.

  Robin said Ben's face is just so handsome. Howard said they have Zoom and he was staring at him for 2 hours and he signs off and his face shows up. He said he just went ''Oof!''

  Howard said he was getting dressed this morning and he thought his neck looked shitty so he put on a scarf. He said he thought it would make him look more handsome. He said he just saw it and he looks ridiculous. Robin said his face has character. Howard said he needs less of that and more symmetry.

  Howard said tomorrow they'll talk to Neil Young. He said they got to talk to Beetlejuice and Ben Affleck today. He said Beet was just as revealing as Ben was. Howard ended the show around 11:45am.

• Behind The Scenes Of The Howard Stern Show. 12/15/21. 7:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: An announcement about Neil Young being on the show today.

  Howard started the show talking about loving the holiday season. He said you have to love it. Robin said she loves that they adapted the Great American Nightmare to have a holiday feeling. Howard said that's the geniuses behind this show. He said that was a Christmas mash up so to speak. He said he should have the guys talk about it. He said that song has 64 tracks. He said they should give credit where credit is due. He played some of the raw tracks to show what he was talking about. Robin said it's beautiful. Howard said that was Rich Gibbons and the big choir was Jeremy Lipkin and Connie Martino. Robin said those two are making all of that music. Howard said that's right. He said they have 45 tracks of vocals alone. He said he's pulling the curtain back on this. He said they're perceived as a bunch of morons but they're actually very talented.

  Howard played more of the vocal tracks for the Christmas version of The Great American Nightmare. He said he's very grateful to the people who work on the show. He said they're very important to the show.

  Robin said so many people are involved in the show and so many don't get mentioned. Howard said it is the last show of the year so he should do some of that. He said he should close the curtain on all of this. He said when they get back from break he'll introduce some of the players on the show and what they do. Robin said that's incredible that it's only two people. Howard played more of the audio of those singing tracks.

  Howard said whatever they come up with on the show they have the people available to make it happen. Robin said you don't have to wonder how to get it done.

• Calls And Ben Affleck Recap. 12/15/21. 7:10am
  Howard took a call from a guy who said that interview with Ben Affleck was fantastic. He said he's never heard Howard so locked in before. He said he got so emotional about it. He said especially when he was talking about his father. He said it was tremendous. He said he did an excellent job and it might be the best interview he's done.

  Howard said he wants to say a few words about Ben. He said he called Ben and left him a message about doing the interview. He said he told Ben that he thinks the things he had to say were so important to hear. He said he was very open and honest about life. He said that we live in a world with social media and everyone is put upon if they're real. He said this is part of the problem with cancel culture. He said people are afraid of speaking their minds. He said he got no sense from this guy that he was editing himself or sugar coat life. He said he was very raw and open about his life. He said he was also open about the downs he's had in his life. He said he was very open about the problems he had in his life. He said it was very unusual having a conversation with him. He said he was very open about everything. He said he's very vulnerable and he was wearing his heart on his sleeve.

  Howard said he was so grateful for the interview. He said the entire two hours was phenomenal because it felt like having a conversation in private. He said he was just asking questions about working and being married and all of that. He said he was sharing with them and he found it a little bit disturbing when he saw in the tabloids that they were saying he was drinking because he felt trapped in his marriage. Howard said he thought about it and that's all they got out of that interview. Howard said he's a divorced man and he knows what that's like. He said he can tell you that in every conversation with a divorced person they talk about how they felt trapped. He said that doesn't mean they're a bad person. He said it means they're a good person and they married under the promise that it would be forever. He said then they have kids and you realize for whatever reason you're not in love anymore. He said you feel trapped because you want to stand by your word and stay with the kids. He said you made a vow to someone and you want to stay but you feel trapped because you don't want to hurt anyone. He said you want to work it out and drink yourself out of that feeling.

  Howard said Ben was very honest and he knew exactly what he was saying. He said he wasn't blaming his wife for his drinking. He said he felt trapped and he thought if he was drunk he could get through life. He said he was talking about his mother and how she had to go on Valium because she felt trapped in her life. He said she did something to medicate herself.

  Howard said Ben was so relateable and he felt like he digs this guy. He said the fans wrote in and so many people said that it was a great interview with him. He said that they changed their thoughts on him. He read through some of those comments. People were talking about how their minds were changed after hearing the interview. Robin said he was so dead on about how you go through addiction and get out of it.

  Howard said he was on the phone with his psychiatrist and talking about Ben. The caller said he was listening to that and thinking about Howard when he touched on his father. Howard said he gets that. He said he was talking about his pain and he had to stop for a few seconds when he got emotional. He said you don't hear that and see that when you have Public Relations people. He said Ben lit up a cigarette and sat back and talked about his life. He said that rarely happens. He said you don't see that from people in such honest terms. He said he was talking about the pain of people goofing on him and all of that.

  Howard said Ben was so honest and raw. He said it was really something to hear him talking about feeling trapped. He said that happens with a lot of people who have to end relationships. He said most people don't want to get divorced. He said they don't want to betray a relationship. He said they weren't doing so well. He said that he did sensational yesterday. The caller said so was Howard. Howard said he did call Ben to thank him for doing the show. He said he appreciated that. He said what he was saying yesterday was amazing. He said the fans who wrote in were agreeing with him too. He said they thought he was really deep.

  Robin said she was listening to Neil Young in an interview and he was saying that the media is the enemy. She said to demonize this guy when he's been so open and honest then it is the media that's the demon.

  Howard said he thought the whole two hour interview was something. He said he thought the media would have some thoughts about that. He said then this one little comment he made about feeling trapped is all that made it to the news.

  Howard said he hopes that Ben knows that he sincerely thought he did a great service to his audience yesterday. He said there's no way that you can listen to that 2 hours and not think that he's keeping it real.

  Howard said Ben was talking about how much he wanted that Oscar and how upset he was about it. He said he loved the whole interview. He said he loved Ben too. He said he felt trapped in his marriage and he drank. He said that's not blaming his wife for his drinking. He was trying to figure it all out.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he was really touched and moved by the interview. He said he just re-listened to the interview again and that guy is just an open book. He said some of his best interviews are when he lets the guest take the driver seat and he just goes along with it. The caller said he's a recovering addict and what he had to say shed a light on how people feel about addicts and all of that. He said the interview really touched him.

  Howard thanked the caller, J.T., for that but said he must be calling from the moon based on that phone connection. The caller said he has called the show a couple of times in the past. He said he had a limp noodle problem before. Howard said he hears him and he has nothing but praise for this guy. Howard said next time try calling in on a regular phone.

  Howard said he's not sure what was going on with that phone. He said cell phones are so good these days. He said it turns out J.T. was actually calling from the dead and a phone wire landed on his grave and he was calling from the beyond.

• Neil Young Preview. 12/15/21. 7:25am
  Howard said everyone who listens to the show knows that a couple of musicians blow his mind. He said Neil Young is coming on today and he gets excited about that. He said there are a couple of musicians who he loves to talk to. He said he owned the album ''Everybody Knows This is Nowhere'' came out in like 1969. Jon Hein confirmed the date for him. Howard said in 1969 he was close to 15 years old. He said it only took him 3 minutes to do the math to figure that out. He said at 15 years old he didn't have any money. He said his father made a living but they lived in a shitty place. He said he may have had an allowance but his parents had a lousy concept of money. He said that he remembers having the album and it wasn't a big collection he had. He said he had to save for months to get that album. He said he thinks he even had the album before Deja Vu came out. He said this was in 1969. He said this album he must have listened to 100,000 times. He said he remembers the cover. He said it was all so meaningful to him. He said he can't remember how he even learned about Neil Young. He said he's not sure why he got it but he did. He said he went to a record store and bought it. He said that album was everything to him. He said it was just the best.

  Howard said ''Cinnamon Girl'' was on that album. He played some of that. He said he has no idea who that girl was but come on. He sang along with the song a little bit. He said the second time he got laid in his life he put on ''Southern Man.'' He said that's not a song to fuck to. He said he fucks Beth without music because he knows he'll make the wrong choice and send her out of the room. Robin said she thought he played ''I Shot the Sheriff'' one time. Howard said no way he ever did that.

  Howard said that album means so much to him. He said he's going into the weeds with this guy. He said what a man Neil is. They played more songs from that album. He said it wasn't Southern Man he fucked to. He said it was ''Down by the River.'' He said that's the song he fucked to. He said he was new to fucking and that's what he was fucking to. He said they drank and smoked weed and she was depressed. He said she demanded that he drive her home. He said that song goes for 9 minutes. He said nothing good happens by the river. He said this girl was so hot. He said people think that's bullshit. He said she was one of the hottest girls he ever met in his life. He said she thought he was cool because she didn't go to school with him. He said he had to close the deal with her quick before she found out what douche he was. He said he probably ruined Neil Young for her.

  Howard said what a song that is. He sang along with ''Cowgirl in the Sand'' and said he has some of the greatest songs ever written.

  Howard said he has to tell Neil that he fucked a girl to ''Down by the River.'' He said Neil won't care. He said he would probably say that he didn't write songs for that. Robin said anybody would have known not to put that song on for that.

  Howard said Neil wrote three songs on that album while he had a fever of 103. He said that he was delirious when he wrote them.

  Robin had some details about Neil that she got after watching some stuff about him. Howard said he's impressed with her. He told her to get over there.

  Howard said he remembers a band with the name The Rockets and they were very sure of themselves and he was secretly laughing when they didn't make it. He said you have to make sure you treat people well. He said Billy Squire was coming up and at one point he was sleeping in his studio in Detroit. He said he was working in a shitty house on the main road through Detroit. He said it was in the middle of a shitty neighborhood. He said they had the doors open and anyone could walk in. He said Billy would wander in and sleep there. He said he once came in and fell asleep while he was doing the show. He said he told the audience he had a guy sleeping on the floor. He said no one knew who he was yet. He said then Stroke Me became big and he invited him to a show.

  Howard said Billy would lift his arms up and the drummer would put a shirt on the guy. He said it was a thing they did. He said he went from sleeping on the floor of the studio to having his drummer put a shirt on him so it wasn't wrinkled.

  Howard said he ran into Billy out where he lives. He said Billy and his wife have a house out there somewhere. He said he and Billy said hi to each other.

  Howard said he remembers Van Halen being interviewed by one of the jocks and there were a lot of girls out on the lawn waiting to see David Lee Roth. He said they were all out there. He said Journey would hang out. He said those were crazy times. He said he had some bikers on the show once and he thought it would be funny to have them talking about what they do. He said they took out a bunch of blow and did it in the studio. He said he was freaking out about that. He said he asked them not to do that in the studio. He said they were like ''Fuck you.''

  Howard said he should have put that in the movie. He said they had to cut a lot of stuff out of the movie. He said he had to cut a lot of the Hartford stuff out. He said they had a scene where they had hookers in a hotel room and they shot through the wall. He said they shot that scene but they had to cut it. He said that hotel was on the Berlin Turnpike. He said he had a room for like $16 for a week. He said that he was getting paid like $200 a week so they put him up there. Howard said they shot a bunch of that stuff but they can't put it all in the movie. He said it was good but they have to cut some stuff. Howard said they spent quite a bit of time on that scene.

• More Calls And Fan Feedback. 12/15/21. 7:45am
  Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said that he has to get a director's cut of that movie. Howard said they've done enough with that movie. He said if they cut it they had a reason to cut it. Ralph said he has to say some things about Ben. He said he was wondering who the best guest of the year was and he thinks it was Ben. He said he hung on every word. He said he covered everything. He said he feels about TV and movies like Howard feels about music. He said it was non stop and he can't wait to listen back to it.

  Howard said he heard that one comment that made it in the news and it upset him. He said that he's heard so many people say they felt trapped. Ralph said he did reveal a lot of interesting stuff. He said it was just the trapped comment that made the news. Howard said it drives him crazy.

  Howard thanked Ralph for the call and let him go. He spent a little more time talking about divorce and told people to get off their high horse and compliment people when they speak so openly.

  Howard read more fan feedback about the show yesterday. He said Beetlejuice was on the show and Ben had to follow him. He read some comments about Beetlejuice returning to the show after 5 years. He said that his manager Bobby was on with Beetlejuice. He played some clips from the interview where Beetlejuice talked about what he's been up to the past 5 years.

  Howard said Bobo tweeted about Beet returning to he show. He read that and said that Gary asked if he wants Beetlejuice on the show. He said of course he did. He said they got word that he wanted to promote this cryptocurrency thing he's involved with that they wanted him to come on. Howard said it's been 5 long years and he looked great and he built up a demand to be back on the show. He said it was palpable.

  Howard read more fan feedback about Beet's return to the show. He played a song that the guys put together with Beetlejuice clips. It was something like ''Jangle Beet Beetlejuice.''

  Howard read more comments and said that someone complimented him by saying he interviews Beetlejuice the same way he interviews Paul McCartney. He said BeetCoin is now trading at 37.9 cents today. He said yesterday it was at 27 something. Howard said it was under 30 cents yesterday. Howard asked she didn't buy any. Robin said she's not sure how to get a hold of it.

  Howard said he has no idea what that BeetCoin is but it's worth more today than it was yesterday. Howard asked why it is that Robin loves him so much but she didn't buy any. Robin said she never invests in any of his products. Howard said BeetCoin put SiriusXM to shame yesterday.

  Howard said people also wrote in about the 10th anniversary of Ronnie's ''Winter'' poem. He said they had JD read it. He said 10 years ago he read the original. He read some comments about the new version of the poem. He said someone suggested going to a poetry slam. He said they should do that. He said he loves it.

  Howard said he's thinking about the holidays and how lucky he feels they had Billie Eilish, Ben Affleck and now Neil Young this week.

  Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Fun George Takei. George was excited for the holidays. Howard said that George and Beetlejuice were talking in Japanese yesterday and he was so happy to hear that. He said he loves that George is on the show. He said he should make a new year's resolution about not calling Brad fat. He said he picks on him a lot. Fake George said he does love Brad and he's right. He said they do joke a lot together. He said during the holidays they coat their balls in sugar and call them marshmallow balls. He sang a song about that. George got in a plug for his Allegiance play soundtrack. Howard let George go a short time later.

• Jeff Jarvis Calls In. 12/15/21. 7:55am
  Howard took a call from Jeff Jarvis who was a critic with TV Guide. He said he always liked his column. Howard asked what he's doing now. Jeff said he teaches at CUNY. Howard said he must be a big deal to the students. He said he actually had a job. Howard said when he went to college most of the professors never had a job in what they were teaching. He said one guy was a columnist for a newspaper. He said he worked for the Boston Globe and none of his other teachers had jobs like that. He said he has no idea what they were doing.

  Jeff said he tried to get the communications building at Boston University renamed the Howard Stern building. Howard said he's out of his mind. He said he's still involved with the school but he plays it low key. He said he doesn't want to be bothered. Jeff said he might be able to get a bathroom named after him at CUNY. Howard said go ahead. Robin said he had a rest area named after him but that was taken away. Howard said he got so screwed over that. He said he was backing Christie Whitman in New Jersey and he asked for a rest stop to be named after him. He said she came through on that but it was the worst rest stop on the NJ Turnpike. He said it was awful. He said that she put the sign up with her own money. He said he still has the sign in his bathroom in Manhattan. He said it looks like a 12 year old made it. He said it's so small and such a rip off. He said then his fans wrote him and said the rest stop was so bad that it was just gay truckers who wanted to blow each other who went there.

  Howard said you wouldn't bring your kids there to take a dump. Jeff said Whitman did win. Howard said she did but this was just a compromise. He said this rest stop is the only one that went away. He said it was the worst one around. He said you don't want to go there. He said you'd never shit at this rest stop. He said she did make good on it. He said she got a lot of grief over it. He said that he threw in with her and she had to do it.

  Howard said he didn't even know what she stood for. He said he just went with her over the rest stop thing. He said as far as he knows she wasn't trying to blow up the world. He said she was an attractive woman from what he remembers. He said he thinks she had big titties.

  Howard said he sent some people out to check the place out and they said it was a bad scene in there. He said it was bad.

  Jeff said he called to give him some praise. He said he turned on the TV and there was Morning Joe praising him to the hilt. He said the entire table was talking about Howard being the best interviewer alive. He said the Ben Affleck interview was amazing. He said everyone was talking about how great that was. He said Mika looked a little befuddled. He said Willy Geist was talking about how great he is and Al Sharpton was talking about the great work he does. He said Peter Baker was talking about listening to the Trump interviews he did over the years and they were great. Howard said he has to listen to that. He said that he likes that show a lot. He said he likes Joe when he's not on the air. He said he records the show. He said he does have it recorded so he will be able to listen. He said that's cool to hear.

  Howard said he likes the team Joe has. He said he likes Mika and Willie Fistergash. He said he really does like the team they have there.

  Jeff asked Howard about the Ben Affleck interview and said that he was trying to think about what made it so amazing. He said it's Howard's ability to listen. He said he had to listen carefully. He asked if that's what makes the interviews special. Howard said Ben is a really smart and honest guy. He said there's no pretence in what he says. He said he spoke from his heart. He said that's what was amazing. He said all he had to do was shut up and listen to what he had to say. He said Ben felt listened to. He said he's just going to move on and leave it at that. He thanked Jeff for the call. Jeff wished him a good interview with Neil Young. Howard let Jeff go after that.

  Howard said he just hopes that Ben had a good time. Robin said he did say he'd come back. She said you could tell when he relaxed and pulled out that cigarette and really opened up.

• Howard's Rand Paul Rant. 12/15/21. 8:10am
  Howard said he has to get political for a minute. He said this guy Rand Paul is driving him nuts. He said he was going to get on the air and talk about Neil Young and Donald Trump. He said Trump was using ''Keep on Rocking in the Free World'' and Neil asked him to stop using it. He said that he has this one speech where Trump talked about Neil and said that he doesn't know the guy to he does know the guy and that it's just background music. He said he was putting him down but not putting him down. He said it's just arrogant and full of bullshit. He said you can see his insecurity. He said the whole thing is so bizarre and he can't believe that someone would vote for the guy when he's so insecure. He said he was going to talk about it first thing this morning but he thought it would bore everyone to death.

  Howard said he does have to talk about this hypocrite Rand Paul. He said when there was a problem in Jersey with Hurricane Sandy they needed money to rebuild New Jersey. He said that's part of this country. He said Rand Paul said do not give money to them. He said the guy was all about not giving relief to New Jersey. He said this guy is from Kentucky. He said they have the worst health care in the country there and this guy is a doctor.

  Howard said this guy Rand Paul voted against the $15 billion in federal help to help Texas after hurricane Harvey. He said he voted no against a lot of other federal help for other states when they had disasters. He said this guy voted against so many things to help other states. He said that our tax dollars are for this stuff and this guy is voting against it. He said now this guy is begging Joe Biden for help for Kentucky after these tornados ripped through the state.

  Howard said this is the guy being arrogant. He played a clip of Rand Paul talking about the other help in the past. Howard said now he's written this letter to Biden asking for help. He said he didn't do it on tape because he knows that it'll get out there. Howard went into a commercial read and went to break after that.

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• The Latest Jack And Rod Show Phony Phone Call. 12/15/21. 8:20am
  After the break they played a ''Bill Cosby Christmas Album'' commercial parody and ZZ Top's ''I Thank You.''

  Howard came back and talked about how that ZZ Top song was a Sam and Dave song originally. He said he loved when ZZ Top was in their studio and Billy was about to go into a song and he looks at Robin and says ''Robin, this one's for you.'' He said he was moved by that. He said he was coming on to his girl. He said he was like ''fuck, what is he doing?'' He said those guys are so good.

  Howard said he wants to play a phony phone call. He said they've been so busy all week. He said this one is good. He said Sal and Richard have a fake show called the Jack and Rod Show. He said they get people to come on because they think it's a real show. He said this one is a Christmas theme. He said this time the boys invite a Christmas Santa on the show. He said you can hire these guys to let kids sit on their laps. He said he'd never do that. He said it looks like a lawsuit waiting to happen. He said he knows there are legit guys out there but he wonders if people are out there for the wrong reasons like Priests who go into the business for the wrong reasons. He said there are guys like John Wayne Gacy who was a clown for the wrong reasons. He said this guy is a good guy and he portrays Santa in different ways. He said he can play different types of Santa for you.

  Howard said the goof was to have fake Dr. Now, Chris Wilding, on with Santa telling him that he's a fat fuck and he has to lose weight. He said the guy was saying he's just an actor. Howard said he loves this Dr. Now impression that Chris does. He said he can make him piss his pants sometimes. Chris did the impression and Howard said he has it down. He said that he says the same 3 lines and Chris has it down.

  Howard said Chris has that impression down. Chris did more of the impression and explained what he does on these shows he appears on. Howard said what's funny about that show is that the used to put up subtitles for him. He said he got insulted so they removed them. He said he has no idea what the fuck he's saying now. Chris did an impression of him saying some stuff that was unintelligible. Howard said he and Chris talk about this off the air and how you can gable the words sometimes. He said they have funny material for him so he has to speak clearly.

  Howard said he can't even tell if Dr. Now is thin. Chris said he's not. Howard said he's a fat guy telling people to go on a diet. Howard and Chris were both doing their Dr. Now voices. Howard said if you don't watch that show you may not know the guy. He said he is a funny character though. Howard talked to Chris as Dr. Now and asked him if he knows he's 77 years old. Dr. Now said of course he knows because he's me.

  Howard said Dr. Now does surgery on the show and they show it. He said someone is going to die on the show at some point. He said they're so fat that someone will end up having a heart attack.

  Howard said he thinks the reason he likes Dr. Now is because he doesn't pussy foot around. He said he doesn't baby people. He did an impression of one of the people on the show complaining about Dr. Now telling them to lose 50 pounds. Howard said you have to love this guy.

  Howard had a conversation with fake Dr. Now about the weight loss thing. Chris did his impression and talked to him about using a chain saw to get through all of the fat.

  Howard said Dr. Now says the same three sentences in the show. He said it's the same thing over and over. He and Chris went through some of the conversations that happen on ''My 600 Pound Life.''

  Howard said Chris got on with Sal and Richard on the Jack and Rod Show. He said they had a gust who was a guy who plays Santa Claus. He said this guy was playing Santa as he was on the show. He played the call after explaining all of that.

  In the clip Jack and Rod have Santa Claus on with fake Dr. Now. They had an 8 year old kid on with them as well. Dr. Now said Santa might die if he doesn't lose weight. 8 year old Billy was upset about that and wondered if he was going to die. Dr. Now kept talking about how fat he is and how he has to lose weight or he'll die. Billy said the doctor is scaring him. Santa asked Dr. Now not to scare this kid. Then Santa came out of character and said he's not really Santa, he's an actor. Jack and Rod told him that Billy is there so he has to stay in character. Billy got upset and said that Santa is mean and he ruined his Christmas. He started crying and Santa went off on Dr. Now for ruining the kid's Christmas.

  Howard said that's something. He said that was a good one. He said he told him right that he was going to get his foot cut off after he gets diabetes. He said good job to Chris. Howard said that's Jack and Rod and Dr. Now. He said that Santa was pissed. He said what a good sport he was.

• Howard's Book Club? 12/15/21. 8:45am
  Howard took a call from Pocket who thanked him for this awesome year. Howard said it has been a good year. Pocket asked if he has any plans to read over vacation. Howard said he was talking about listening to the audio book that Mel Brooks has out. He said he has that Audible service they have as an advertiser. He said the first book he got was ''All About Me'' by Mel Brooks. He said he's been enjoying that. He said it's funny and entertaining. He said he loves Mel Brooks. He said now everyone is hitting him up about what he's going to read next. He said he's not a book club. He said he's still listening to Mel's book and it might take him another 2 weeks. He said he feels like it's been 5 hours already but he's not sure.

  Gary said Mel's book is 15 hours. Howard said he thought it was 5. Gary said that's about average. Howard said he thinks he an handle 15 hours of that. He said it's a great book. He said there's a lot of great material in there.

  Howard said he has to have nothing else to do if he's going to sit still and listen to a book. He said he'd listen on his walks but he has Beth with him. He said there's not a lot of time to listen. He asked Gary how he does it. Gary said he used to listen in the car. He said now he listens when he goes for his 90 minute walks.

  Howard said Mel Brooks is still with it at his age. He said his mom sounds kind of like Mel but his dad is 98 and you can't understand what he's saying. Pocket said you have to be driving or walking or something to listen. Howard said sometimes he listens in bed when he can't sleep. He said when he paints he tries to listen too. He said that's pretty good. He said it's a really good book but he doesn't think he'll get to another one any time soon. He said he thinks he'll be listening to that book for the next month. Gary said you can run it through Alexa. Howard said he doesn't want to do that.

  Howard said he was listening to the book and then this woman comes on and starts reading his texts to him. He said it was on his iPhone. Gary said it's a new thing on the iPhone. Howard said this lady was reading him Ashley's text. He said it was crazy stuff that this phone was doing.

  Howard said he'll be listening to Mel's book for the next two months and then he'll answer his question about what to read next. Howard went to break after doing a live commercial read.

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• Neil Young Visits. 12/15/21. 8:55am
  After the break they played a SiriusXM ''8 Stations At Once Radio'' commercial parody, Sal Governale singing ''Blue Christmas'', a phony phone call Richard made to a Christmas tree farm using clips of a woman crying over trees dying, a ''Mumbling JD'' song parody, a ''Delusional Singer Syndrome'' commercial parody, a phony phone call Sal and Richard made to a religious radio show, Robin singing a Christmas song, Wack Packers like Elephant Boy, Joey Boots, Asian Pete and High Pitch Erik telling Howard what they want for Christmas, a Baba Booey song parody, a phony phone call to a pizza place where the caller sang his order and Pearl Jam's ''Corduroy.''

  Howard came back and said it's Pearl Jam coming at ya. He said it's a super great morning when you get to talk to Neil Young. He said the fact that he's there is amazing. He said he's there to promote his new project called The Barn.

  Howard said he's coming off the high of watching The Barn. He said he was telling Robin earlier about buying his album ''Everybody Knows this Is Nowhere.'' He said he had Sgt. Peppers too. Neil said he was rescued when he got his album. Howard said he was. He said that album is a really special album. He said it's spectacular. Howard said he noticed something in The Barn where he shot this thing. He said he shot it in Colorado and it's his barn. He said the place looks magnificent. He said he went there when he was young but this place looks amazing. He asked if this is at his house or a place to record. Neil said it's a place to record. He said the guy who shot the film is a great film maker. He said that it's a place that's just great to record in. He said the director of it told them what to do other than the music.

  Howard said Daryl Hannah is his wife and she shot this. He said he put out this album called Barn and they recorded the process. He said it's a very well shot film. He said he was shocked that Daryl shot it all on her iPad. Neil said it was her and a camera guy who is great as well. He said they shot everything. He said Daryl is always doing something. He said she never stands around. He said if she does stand around it looks great.

  Howard asked Neil about Daryl calling herself D.H. Lovelife in the movie. Neil said that she had a great web site that was ripped off by someone else and she lost that. He said you know what that's like. He said he thinks she has the site back. Neil said she made all of these films and stuff about 10-15 years ago. He said she did it all way early. He said she's moved on to rocker restoration now.

  Howard said that Daryl has a fascination with Neil urinating. He said he walks outside to urinate and she has the camera focused on him from behind. He asked if he asked her why she did that. Neil said he looks at it and he imagines what the album would have been like if he hadn't urinated. He said if he went for a week without urinating it might not be a good album. He said he might not make it through the first song.

  Howard asked if there's no plumbing there. Neil said there is a home there but the barn was for the horse and buggy coming through the area. He said they would get off the stage coach there and everyone would be in the barn. He said the passengers would be in the homestead or bunk house. He said there was no bathroom in either one of those either. He said they did have a shit house that looks like something out of a movie. He said it's a small building but a 2 hole.

  Howard said this barn looks really cool. He said there's no door on the barn though. He said there's no sound proofing there. He said that musicians are particular about sound. He said it seems like something he'd be bothered by with the outside noise coming in. Neil said that noise is great. He said the barn was built in 1860 or 70 and it was restored last year. He said it was falling down and they fixed it. He said Daryl would look at it and think that maybe they could do something. He said they figured out how to do it and had an expert come and do it. He said the guy knew the history of the barn and an old photograph. He said they built it just like it was. He said it's huge pine logs that make up the barn. He said that a lot of musicians want to sound good but with round surfaces in the barn there's no reflection. He said it's logs upon logs. He said the sound just went everywhere because of the logs. He said there's no standing waves. He said that's what the studio is trying to get rid of. He said they just record what they're doing and not what they want it to sound like. He said they tried to record the first time they do it. He said that's what people deserve to hear.

  Howard said to see a master at work is something. He said Neil is a master at his work. He said he got kind of sad watching it. He said he has watched videos of him when he was young like at Massy Hall. He said he loves seeing this young guy come out with his new songs that later go on to be big hits. He said in this film The Barn he's the master. He said he comes out in fear. He asked what that fear is. Neil said he's afraid he'll stop writing songs. Howard said in the opening shots of this video he sees a guy in control. He said he knows the process and he's tinkering on a piano. He said he's as comfortable on there as he is on guitar. He said he hears him talking and rehearsing and it's magical. He said he loves that process. He said that's why he likes this new Beatles documentary. He asked if he has seen that. Neil said he hasn't had the time yet. He said he wants to watch it all at once.

  Howard asked if he cares about how they write songs. Neil said he would like to see how they worked together and what their issues were. He said he's always interested in that. He said they did that in a very straight situation. He said it will be fun to watch and see what they do in a studio. Howard said he loved it. He said it's for the same reason he loves The Barn.

  Howard said there's one scene where Neil is smoking weed. He said he has his little pipe and he's taking a hit of weed. He said he's still fascinated by that. He said it's something he likes to see. Neil said it's just the process. He said it's part of the music as far as he's concerned. He said that he's still smoking weed and he might fall over in a couple of minutes but it won't be because of the weed. He said weed is good stuff. He said he's done a lot of stupid stuff but what the heck. He said when he became an American Citizen he told them in the interview that he had smoked weed. He said he told them he did drugs a long time ago. He said he did an interview in the next couple of days and then the immigration department heard about it and wanted another interview. He said he went back in and they asked him the same questions. He said his lawyer told him that they were trying to get him to answer the questions about the weed so they can not give him what they had already given him. He said he just avoided those questions. He said he told them that he had already answered those questions. He said he didn't want to answer them again. He said he has done a lot of interviews even though he hasn't done a lot of interviews. He said he had already answered the questions they were asking and it made him feel good about saying ''You got that one.'' He said after about an hour and a half they knew he wasn't going to answer the questions again. He said it was remarkable. He said it's well documented. He said he doesn't recommend it to anyone. He said if you want to try it do that and make up your own minds. He said he doesn't usually recommend it. He said he would recommend that to the guy in Florida with the yellow tie.

  Howard said he had this whole rap he wanted to do on Trump with him. He said that Trump went off on him when he asked him not to use ''Rockin' in the Free World.'' He said he's not sure how anyone voted for him after watching that. Neil said he doesn't watch him much. He said he's not interested in watching him now that he's not president. He said he thought he could do him a favor. He said everyone he knows doesn't like this guy. He said he wanted to go talk to him. He said he went up to talk to him at his building. He said he went in and met him and his whole idea was to have him invest in music. He said he thought that he could get him to help out with the high-res music thing. He said he thought if he could get him to invest in his company it would be the start of high-res music. He said Trump loves music. He said that no one knows this but he's a great bass player. Howard said he's got to be joking. Neil said he plays the bass and plays the hell out of it. He said he plays bass better than he's ever heard. Howard said he has to be joking. Neil said he's on Howard Stern he can say whatever he wants. Howard said the man has no music ability at all. Howard said that would redeem him if he did.

  Howard said Neil has a line on The Barn where he calls him self Canerican. He said he came from Canada and moved here. He said that John Lennon went through the same thing and they tried to keep him out of the country. He said it's just crazy. Neil said the song is called Canerican. Howard said he says something like he voted for his man. Neil said he says ''I cast my vote and now I've got my man.'' Howard said he thought he said he didn't get his man. Neil said this time he got who he voted for. Howard said he thought he was making a point about not having majority rule. He said that people win the popular vote but don't get to be president. He said he thought that's what he was singing about. Neil said now he's starting to sound like a democrat. He said he hates that democrat and republican stuff. He said they should just be allowed to be American. He said you feel one way or the other and it doesn't mean you're not American. He said he knows what he's getting what with the votes. He said the system is screwed up. He said that Joe Biden looks like a president. He said that's why he voted for him. He said he's a good man. He said then he opened up the oil fields on our national lands. He said he's saying ''fuck you Joe Biden'' because of that. He said he's not sure what he did that for. He said he's not for that at all.

  Howard said he wrote this song called ''Human Race'' on this new album. He said he sings about who is going to save this planet for our children. He said it's a moving song. Howard played some of the song.

  Howard said his father is 98 years old now. He said that he recorded him a while back for his kids. He said his father was talking about how screwed up this world is and how kids won't be able to enjoy it when they get older. Neil said that's how he feels. He said we need a leader. He said we need the world leaders to tell people what the scientists are telling them. He said that the world leaders have to do something. He said they have to make it work. He said we have to get together to solve the problem. He said that they all agree on what's going on and they know. He said it's a missed opportunity. He said it shakes his faith in humanity when they don't do something about it. He said the red and blue bullshit is crap. He said we need someone who wants to do something about it. He said when he grew up in the 50s in Canada it was a great place to live. He said they've destroyed that. He said the way things are now is because of us. He said this is much bigger than this democracy argument. He said that we have to save our asses first. He said we have to work it out for the kids.

  Howard said he sees a movement of people who are anti-science. He said he was thinking about Neil having polio as a kid. He said it was devastating and they developed a vaccine. He said that saved us. He said he thinks that we have to live here and there are people out there who are anti-vaccine. He said that Neil knows what it was like. He said they don't remember polio because they weren't there. He said they don't read. He said they hardly teach that in school. He said people just don't know.

  Neil said that climate change is the big deal right now. He said that the reason bees are going place and other bugs are going crazy. He said that the pandemic is because it's the 100 year storm. He said we have all of these issues an they're all related to climate change. He said it's screwing up the balance of the earth up. He said we could have another pandemic in a year and a half. He said that's the way the weather and insects and animals are.

  Howard said that he's not sure when the world stopped believing in science. He said he's not sure what's happening. Neil said we have a bunch of fools who don't believe in science. He said they're fools but he still likes them. He said he disagrees with them. He said that more people believe in it than don't. He said science is how we keep things moving. He said that people are used to ordering things and getting them. He said we're ruined by things like TV stations that are advertising things and by the news who have opinions on things. He said that it's not the news. He said it's no wonder people don't believe what's going on.

  Howard said Neil did something recently where he said he's not doing live shows. He said there's a pandemic going on. He asked if he's holding to that. Neil said he is. He said that we don't know what's going on. He said that all the newspapers are writing about this new variant and people are in a panic. He said people aren't being realistic about everything. He said if we got everyone vaccinated it would help but maybe not make it go away. Howard said we might be able to get it under control if everyone got vaccinated. He asked what he says to people if they're not vaccinated. Neil said he says if they're not vaccinated then ''We'll see ya.'' He said everyone in the band is vaccinated. He said it makes him sound like an angry person but he's happy to be here to see what's happening. He said he's happy and thankful that he was born at this time and he gets to see this. He said it's an amazing time in human history. He said they haven't had something like this in the past. He said we should be thankful that we can try to beat this. He said if we came together then we could take care of it. He said it seems like we can't but he's sure we can. He said he loves everyone and he may not agree with them but they have that right not to agree.

  Howard said he's happy to be there too. He said he has his kids and his wife and all of that. He said his kids are lovely people and he feels good like Neil. He said he gets angry though. He said they're looking at the back 9 and he only has so much longer to live. He said it would be nice to have a nice last few years of his life. He said he wants to get out and hug people and not worry. He said it is aggravating. He said he wants to see Neil on tour again. Neil said he might be on TV but he's not going to go out and tour. He said there are others like him but he's still going to do this even if others don't.

  Howard said he appreciates Neil's thoughts on all of that. He said that can't be easy to do. He said it's too confusing a message to do this stuff. He said there are people who are having a party and others who are locked up in their homes. He said it's all very confusing.

  Howard said Neil wrote a song called ''Don't Forget Love.'' He said that he thinks he's saying that love is the medicine and men are ashamed that they need it. He said that men want to act like they don't need love but it could be the salve that could save us. Neil said that's a lot of it. He said how about lets hear it for Howard's wife and girls. He said he sees the love and beauty from those four. He said that they change his perspective on life. He said he has these kids and the world is different for him. He said maybe 20 or 30 years ago he wouldn't be talking about love. He said that's what he digs about being married and having kids. He said they've still got that and we have to hold on to that. He said everything we do to survive is to keep that all safe. He said we have to continue to grow as a species.

  Howard said he went into therapy 20 years ago an he didn't want to talk about how much love he needed. He said it was embarrassing.

  Howard said he was talking to Ben Affleck yesterday about his father leaving the family when he was just 11. He said Neil's father left him when he was 12. Neil said he has left families himself. He said that he got to talk to his father later on in life. He said he stands with his choices. He said that some of the kids might not agree with him but everyone has their own life and they have to take care of themselves. He said he has a kid with Cerebral Palsy and he still has to take care of him in his 40s. He said they were told he may not make it past 15. He said that they had a lot of love in their family and time marches on. He said that things happened. He said life goes on and you have to do what you can do. He said he's very happy for Howard and happy for himself. He said they found love in their lives. He said think about the love you have. He said that he has to make the world better for his grandchildren. He said that he has to try to do something to help make this world better. He said he thinks we can do it. He said there are a lot of people who can make change and he thinks it will happen. He said he's not backing off and not giving up.

  Howard said this song is called ''Don't Forget Love.'' He played some of the song.

  After the song Howard said the reason he's asking about his father is because he wants to know if his decisions in life were made because he didn't have his father. He said his father was a brilliant guy and wrote over 40 books. He asked if he gets angry about it. Neil said not at all. He said his dad left but he thinks he understands why he did. He said it's in his blood too. He said he wrote ''Don't Forget Love'' for us. He said that he wrote it for his family and for all of us to remember. He said that you have to stay with it. He said he's got the worst temper in the world so he wrote that song for himself. He said that he has to remember love when he gets upset.

  Howard said Neil is famous for doing things in his own way. He said when he was with Buffalo Springfield he got fed up and had to leave the band. He said that he didn't want to go on Johnny Carson because that show was too square for them. He said that to the band and they must have thought he was a fucking pain in the ass. Neil said exactly. Howard asked what the big show was that he didn't want to play. Neil said it was Monterey Pop. Howard said that place put bands on the map. He said that takes some balls to tell the guys that you don't want to do it. He asked if that's part of the anger. Neil said he never thought about it that way. He said they had their own thing and they didn't need to dilute it with that. He said he wanted to stay focused on their message and sing their songs to their fans who loved them because of what they did. He said he didn't like doing the big shows like that. He said the one he did like that was Woodstock.

  Howard said it strikes him how fearless he is. He said if he's doing something that's working he's afraid to let it go. He said he said goodbye to Crosby Stills and Nash. He said he had enough and left. He said that's fearless. Neil said he just wanted to do something else. He said they had a way of doing things and when that changed he wanted to get away from it. He said it was pretty easy for him to walk away.

  Howard asked if it ever made him think about financial stability when he left those bands. Neil said that it didn't. He said he was lucky. He said he was lucky if he got a gig and got paid. He said he was buying land when he had money. He said he liked building things and the money never really stayed. He said he just kept employing people. He said he was doing what he liked to do and the money was flowing. He said when the pandemic came he felt a sense of relief. He said he felt like he was off the hook. He said now he just wants to do the right thing in his own mind. He said he doesn't know if he's right or not but he wanted to believe in it. He said he believes he shouldn't be touring. He said he did love playing live. He said he can still see the people's faces in the crowd. He said that was real and the money part was just part of it. He said he didn't want the pressure of going out to make money so he made a deal and sold some of his publishing to someone he likes and knows. He said he respects that person. He said he gave that company a share of what he has an kept control of the rest. He said that he felt good about it.

  Howard said he's confused. He said he was thinking about Neil and how he never wants him to die. He said this getting older stuff is freaking him out. Howard said he has so many questions for him. He asked if he thinks breaking up with a band is like breaking up a marriage. Neil said no. He said he doesn't think about it that way. He said he didn't break up with music. He said he didn't break up with love. He said that's what you have when you dissolve a family. He said he goes back to the source. He said he just wanted the music to be than care of. He said he wanted to take the love somewhere else where it could be taken care of better.

  Howard said he asked Paul McCartney what he does when he hears shitty music on the radio. He said Paul said when he puts it on he likes to hear people he admires like Neil Young. Neil said that was very nice. He said he and Paul have had a lot of respect for one another for years. He said they both knew Linda real well and loved her. He said they have a lot in common. He said Paul is a great artist and a wonderful human being. He said he still has a lot of music left in him. He said he's touched by Paul saying that.

  Howard said the part he didn't understand was the catalog thing. He said he sold part of it to someone. He said that David Crosby said he sold his catalog. Neil said they have a poll up wondering how long it would be before they got to Crosby. He asked if they're in the third section of this. He said John O'Neil has won the poll. Howard said he just mentioned Crosby because he sold his share of Crosby, Stills and Nash. He said Bob Dylan sold his too. Howard asked if Neil looks at that and thinks about being interested in selling that. He said he thinks that it must be worth close to a billion dollars. Neil said he doesn't know about that. He said he'd like to keep it as long as he can. He said he's doing fine. He said he sold an interest in it but he still has control.

  Howard asked who the person is that he sold it to. Neil said he won't mention his name. He said he's been a good friend for a long time. He said that he was a good guy and he was around them for a long time in Hollywood. He said now he has a big company and they're doing this. He said they got a lot of money and they're buying things. He said the fact that he let him keep control over what's happening made him feel good. He said maybe someone else will have it in the future. He said who knows what will happen but he wants to keep control over it for his kids. He said he wants his kids to be independent too.

  Howard asked why he chose Colorado. Neil said that's where Daryl was. He said it's her place. Howard said he didn't know that was her place. He asked why he's staying at her place. He said he'd think they'd buy some spread together. Neil said that means nothing now. He said they're equals. He said they both want each other to be happy so they just do whatever they have to. He said he loves that they can have these places. He said they live in Canada at times too. He said they have a house in California too. He said that place burned to the ground a few years ago. He said it's just about rebuilt. He said they have a lift system for his son Ben in that house too. He said all the time he's in that room it's like a palace. He said he can go wherever he wants with his care givers and the lift.

  Howard said he wasn't going to bring Ben up because he wasn't sure that he wants to talk about it. He said he does talk about him and he thinks that's great. He asked if people don't bring it up. Neil said that people who know him will bring it up. He said if Howard saw him with his kids he'd know. He said it's so great to have because it makes you appreciate what you have even more. He said when something is taken away from someone it brings you to a place where you appreciate things more. He said they still grow up who they are but Ben can't talk and he has trouble moving his body. He said his eyes are so alive. He said it's like the solar system. He said he is love. He said he's very fortunate to have him as a son. He said he's fortunate to have Zeek and Amber as well. He said he loves his kids. He said that he's been dealt a great hand.

  Howard asked if it was tough on his marriage to have a son with so many handicaps. Neil said he doesn't think so. He said it's not just that one thing. He said there's a lot of things that affect things in life. He said a lot of things come along in life that are surprises.

  Howard asked how the polio thing was with Neil. Neil said he doesn't have much awareness with his left side. He said he's not able to see very well with his left eye. He said he got vaccinated and he remembers being in line for the vaccination. He said everyone did it and they were so happy to do it. He said people didn't want it to spread. He said that you weren't able to walk after you got it. He said maybe that's why people did it. He said this was in 1951 or 52. He said he had already had it by then but everyone got the vaccine. He said they were so lucky that they had the vaccine. Howard said that's it. He said that's why he gets so upset about people not taking it now. Neil said that's because people were misled. He said they got a bad example from the top. He said they were told they were weak for getting it. Howard said that's a traitor. He said it's fucking crazy.

  Neil said we did it and we voted for him so lets not do that again. He said you have to get out there and vote. He said if you want a better world then get out there and vote. He said he doesn't care which side you're on, just get out and vote.

  Howard said now we have a supreme court that's taking away a woman's right to choose. Neil said someone always puts that in perspective. He said that Governor Newsom is using that loophole in the system to get gun control. He said he likes that.

  Howard asked if kids were cruel to him in school because of the polio thing. He asked if he became part of the in crowd with the music. Neil said he just started playing because he loved music. He said he was happy to just play songs. He said he had polio but it was just a limp here and there. He said it was just part of his history. He said it never got people to put him down. He said he never hid it or defended it. He said it was just part of who he is. He said that he may have been a better guitar player if he hadn't had it. He said if both his hands were like his left hand he wouldn't be who he is.

  Neil said thanks to his friend Arthritis is in his right hand now. Howard asked if that's why he's always wearing that band on his hand. Neil said he's been wearing that for about 20 years now. He said he got some stuff at the drug store and it was stretchy tape and it helps him out.

  Howard asked Neil if he's self conscious about himself on film. He said he can't stand to look at himself. He said when he made his movie he was destroyed when he saw the close ups. Howard asked if Neil prefers piano or guitar. Neil said it's music. He said he loves music so that's him and he doesn't care what he's playing. He said he's self taught and he can't play that well. He said he uses one hand at a time. He said it's all pretty basic stuff.

  Howard asked about Nils Loftgren playing piano and how quiet Neil was being while playing it. Neil said he was just playing through the chord changes in that He said he was working on a song and Nils is just a great musician so he was just listening to him play. He said that guy is a genius. Howard said he really is. Neil said you can hear him on Barn. He said you can hear everything he does.

  Howard said he loves that the guys tease Nils about being in the E street band. He said they see him as a traitor.

  Howard asked Neil what his situation is on dogs and animals. He said he remembers the cover of that first album he bought where he had a dog at his feet. He said that was way back in 1969. He said in this movie the dogs are wandering around and just living the life. He said it's like heaven out there. Robin said they're beautiful too. Neil said that the dog on the cover of that album was named Winnipeg. He said they have a couple of dogs now and one of them has hair that collects balls of snow on it. He said they turn into ice and they have to clean him up. He said that Daryl is getting a suit for him to wear in the snow. He said the dogs are great. He said the dog on the cover Howard mentions is the same colors as these dogs but they're not the same breed.

  Howard said he really likes this film and the new album. He said he does some vocal exercises and sings about there not being a cold beer there. He asked if that's a regular thing. Neil said it was that day. He said he usually does the vowels to warm up. He said it's also a unity thing. He said after you do full voles and full scales it's almost like a mantra thing that brings them together.

  Howard asked Neil about the rock and roll hall of fame. He said he thinks they were the first ones to get into it with Buffalo Springfield. He said that Neil didn't show up for this thing. He said then as he looks at the history of it he was put in as a solo artist. He asked why it was that he wasn't put in with Crosby, Stills and Nash. He said he doesn't understand the politics of that. Neil said it's okay but he doesn't understand it either. He said that the other guys were the core of the band. He said they're all great song writers and players. He said he was just along for the ride for a while. He said he did that with them and then they moved on. He said those guys are really good so what can he say. He said he'd like to know where Crazy Horse is and why they're not in the hall of fame.

  Howard asked Neil about his guitar. Neil said that's a Les Paul he picked up in 1970. He said that it had to be rebuilt. He said it had a buzz on it. He said he brought it in to get worked on. He said they had a nice pickup on it. He asked them to get rid of the hum and it turns out that's the way it was designed. He said he went back to pick it up a week later and the store was gone. He said he got a new pickup and played a guitar for about a year. He said he played a Gibson Firebird. He said that he had a pickup from that to put on Ol' Black. He said that Ol' Black is custom and the pickup is custom. He said those things were done in the early 70s. Howard asked if it's typical to name your guitar like Ol' Black. Neil said it was old when he got it so it. He said it was made in the 50s and he got it in the 70s.

  Howard asked if you see someone playing and they sound great do you want to get those other guitars. He asked why stick with Ol' Black. Neil said he and Ol' Black get along so that's why he sticks with it. He said he has other guitars though. Howard asked Neil about some of his other guitars. Neil got up and went to get something. He came back with one of Daryl's guitars. He said he uses a lot of her instruments. He said she has some great stuff. He said she plays and sings too. He said she could have been a singer but that's not what she wanted to do. Howard asked to hear what this guitar sounds like. Neil played some stuff for him and said he's working on a new song he might like. Neil sang some ''Break the Chain.'' Howard said he likes that repetition. Neil said he knows he can hang the whole thing on that. He said the pandemic had just started and he and Daryl were walking in a park and he was singing ''Break the chain'' over and over. He said he wrote that down and he was thinking about the pandemic and the bug. He said he lost the paper until about 2 months ago. He said he found it and he's going to do that song in the next couple.

  Howard asked Neil about the songs he wrote when he had a 103 degree fever. He said ''Down by the River'' and ''Cinnamon Girl'' were a couple. He said he talked about that earlier in the morning. Howard said he told a story about how he put Neil Young on his record player and tried to have sex with ''Down By the River.'' Neil said that's not the right song. He said that was a really bad idea. Howard said that girl hated him so much that she never wanted to see him again. He said if he had just waited for ''Cowgirl in the Sand'' it would have been better.

  Howard said he thinks his voice is still the same as it was. He said he lucked out and didn't get fucked over as he got older. Neil said he thinks his voice sounds about the same as it has. He said he knows it's something different. He said he always had a high voice. He said it didn't work for everyone.

  Howard said he loves the song ''Only Love Can Break your Heart.'' He said that must be about Joni Mitchell. Neil said he thinks it was around that time.

  Howard said David Crosby wants to get back together with the band and he wrote a letter to Neil and never heard back. He said he gets it. He said that's just not going to happen. Neil asked what time it is. He said that they're in what quarter. Howard said it's 10:40 already. Neil said that he's not at the end yet. He said he has a poll there. He said there's money in this. Neil said that John is no longer the winner. He said that Howard finally brought it up at 10:40. He said he'll do the math and figure it out.

  Howard asked Neil about writing the album Harvest. He said there are incredible songs on that album. He said Neil said to Nash that he wanted him to hear the album. He said that he took Nash out in a row boat. He said he had a big speaker in the barn on the lake and they had a big speaker on the other side. He said they had two big speakers to play this masterpiece. He said he yells out to his people to play it for them. He said that he was asking them for ''more barn'' and he wonders if that's true. Neil said that he wanted to hear what it was like with stereo. He said he had these big speakers set up and he wanted to hear it out on the lake. He said they were in a row boat on the lake in front of his house. He said the barn was off on the other side. He said they're about 250 yards between. He said he asked them for ''more barn'' because he needed more from that side.

  Howard asked Neil about playing the songs for Nash and what it was like. He played a couple of the songs as he talked about that. Howard said Graham Nash is there and then you hit him with ''Old Man'' and then to fuck with his head you play this one. He played some ''Needle and the Damage Done.'' He said he loves that riff. He sang some of that. Howard asked if he gets pissed when people sing along during the concert. He said he wants to hear Neil sing.

  Neil said that he has to go back to ''Alabama'' because Crosby's voice is so amazing in that. Howard replayed that. He said that's so amazing. Howard said he brought up Crosby this time. Neil said he just won $100. Howard asked if Nash was floored by that. Neil said he can't remember if they played that after they did the over dubs or not. He said maybe it was. He said Nash heard some of the songs but he can't remember what happened. He said it must have been finished because he has to listen when they're done. He said he doesn't want to waste a listen.

  Howard asked if he ever goes back and listens to his old albums. Neil said if they're looking for something in the past he will. He said he's looking for fresh tracks. He said it's a version of a song that shows something that was lost on the search for perfection. He said they were over dubbing and things like that. He said now he finds originals that he played and makes notes about them. He said he's doing a project on fresh tracks. He said he will have that on a new box set. He said it's going to have 13 discs in it. He told Howard how he's doing this stuff and went into detail about how he does it all. He said it's an interesting listen for people who are into that. Howard said he loves that kind of stuff.

  Howard said that he does versions of the song that are just different. He said they're not demos. He said that he's one of the only guys who he likes hearing play harmonica. He played a version of ''Helpless'' that he did. He said this is a great version of the song.

  Howard asked if he read the book that McCartney put out. Neil said he hasn't seen it but he'd like to. Howard said what Paul did was write down everything he remembers about what was happening at the time he wrote these songs. He asked if Neil is similar in that way. Neil said pretty much. He said the music brings it back. He said he's married to that process.

  Howard said the songs are literally his scrap book. Neil said that's why he loves his archive. He said you can see when it showed up and when it was released. He said it's all in one big area. Howard asked if he ever gets emotional. Neil said sometimes. He said the songs are never gone. He said that you can still see through that keyhole. Howard said those songs bring him back to when he was in that room banging that girl.

  Howard asked about his father losing his memory to dementia. Neil said his dad wasn't able to remember things. He said that he asked him to just write something. He said he just looked at him and didn't say anything. He said that he went for a walk with him in the forest in Canada. He said then it came time to go home and he started going the wrong way. He said he had to get him home but he was lost. He said he was only like 300 yards from his house on his own land. He said that's the way life is. He said you sometimes lose your big toe and sometimes you lose your brain. He said that's the way it happens. He said we don't last forever.

  Howard said Neil is a song writer because his father was a writer. He was in the hockey hall of fame too. Neil said he was. He said he wrote a lot of books too. He said he wrote all kinds of stuff.

  Howard asked Neil about his dad writing a book about him. He asked if he was upset about that. Neil said not at all. He said it was nice and he still goes back and reads it. He said he's his kid so it's a good thing.

  Howard said he's something else. He said he loves talking to him. Neil said he thinks Howard is something else too. He said congratulations on his family. He said it's so good seeing his three girls looking at daddy. Howard said it's quite an eyeful for them. He said it's not easy being his kids. He said no kid of a famous person has it easy. He said that they have to keep that in mind. Neil said none of his kids want to be him. Howard said he has the same thing. He said his kids have seen it all.

  Howard said Neil is back with Crazy Horse. He said this album rocks and it's great. He said the band is great and the film ''Barn'' is great. He said that he sees the process and loves seeing that. He said he could have done with a few more hours of it. He said the album is called ''Barn'' and they have a Neil Young radio station on SiriusXM through January 5th. He said it's on channel 505. He said you'll even see Neil urinating in the new film. Howard said he must have a large penis if he does that. He said that he has to have one to do that. He said he won't even let his wife see him urinate. He said urinating outside is something he won't do. He said there is a liberation there where you pee on the land. Neil said he thinks it's real. Howard said he has been real.

  Robin said Neil has been very charming today. Howard said he really has. Howard asked why he's standing in front of a world map. Neil said he thinks that we're all one and that should unify us. He said he hopes that helps.

  Howard said he has no idea what is what on that map. Neil said he thinks Howard is in New York. Howard said that's right. He said when this pandemic is over he's coming over and living with them on their land. He said he had Daryl on the show many years ago. He asked how that is. He said she must be the love of his life. Neil said she's a wonderful human being. He said she's a rare bird. He said she's very talented and she makes films and acts. He said she has soul. He said she's a great thing. He said she doesn't like him talking about her much. Howard asked if they watch her old movies. Neil said they do. He said they watched Blade Runner and Steel Magnolias just recently.

  Howard asked if she's happy with what she did or does she think about how she could have done it better. Neil said it's a mixed bag. He said she thinks about the people she worked with and wonders how they're doing.

  Howard asked if Daryl stays in touch with someone like Steve Martin. Neil said they don't really do that. He said it's a different thing than music. Howard thanked Neil again and said he loves so many of the new songs. He said he has some great stuff on there. He congratulated him on that.

  Howard wrapped up again and thanked him for doing this. Neil thanked him too. He said he's working behind the scenes at SiriusXM behind the scenes so he can go up the ladder so they can make SiriusXM sound like God. He said they could make them sound high-res. He said that's the only thing missing. He said he doesn't always win these things but he hopes that people get to hear all the music.

  Howard said Neil put together a company that was going to make electric cars. He said that's finally happening. He said it's crazy. Neil said he has a new battery system in his car now. He said there are some real thinkers out there and big changes are happening. Howard said he's going to let him go. He said he has to pish so Neil must have to pish as well. Neil said he hopes they have a great day. He thanked him for his time. He said this is his last interview for a long time. He said he believes in this new album. Howard said he appreciates it too. He let Neil go after that.

  Howard said that guy is a legend. Robin said that's a man with a lot to say. She said he has some great songs and it's great that he's still putting it out there. She said he has a great mind.

  Howard said he's going to end the show. He said Ralph wants to hear the ''Robin's Bra'' song. Robin said they can't just end the show. She said they have to end it because the holidays are coming up. She said they won't be there for a while.

  Howard wished the staff a happy holiday. He said they have to introduce some of the staff when they come back. He said he loves the crew and wishes good things in the year ahead. Howard got in a plug for the Ed Sheeran special they have on Howard 101 tomorrow and the specials they'll be running the next two weeks.

  Howard took a call from fake Bubba the Love Sponge who asked him for a favor. He said he just wants to ask if he can get Jennifer Witz's phone number so he can wish her a happy new year and all of that. Howard said he'll work on that.

  Howard picked up on Ralph who wanted to hear that ''Robin's Bra'' song parody. Howard played it for him. He said he should have played it for Neil. Ralph said it's not Christmas without that song. Howard asked who the genius was that did that. He said he thinks Sal did it. He said it's a great song.

  Howard said he loves doing the show and part of that is because he gets to work with Robin every day. He said he'll see her in the new year. Robin said it's been a pleasure working with him all these years. She said they're up to 40 now. Howard said he and Robin will talk a lot over vacation but she will not talk to Ronnie. Robins said now she can't call Ronnie. Howard gave Neil more plugs and then ended the show around 11:15am.

• Thursday Replay: Monday Encore. 12/16/21. 7:00am
  This morning's replay was an encore of Monday's Howard Stern Show. You can read details for all three live shows above. Here's what they played:
  • Back Live - Howard's TV, Ronnie's Tweets And More. 12/13/21. 7:00am
  • Howard Hates This Time Of Year. 12/13/21. 7:20am
  • Chris Wallace, Cuomo's Producer And More. 12/13/21. 7:35am
  • Howard's First Audio Book. 12/13/21. 7:40am
  • Fake Greta Thunberg Visits. 12/13/21. 7:50am
  • Howard Takes Some Calls. 12/13/21. 8:00am
  • Phone Calls, Weird Times And Strange Stories. 12/13/21. 8:00am
  • Dave Grohl Discussions. 12/13/21. 8:20am
  • RIP Michael Nesmith And Anne Rice. 12/13/21. 8:40am
  • Billie Eilish Visits. 12/13/21. 9:00am

• Friday Replay: Tuesday Encore. 12/17/21. 7:00am
  This morning's replay show was an encore of Tuesday's Howard Stern Show. You can read details for all three live shows above. Here's what they played:
  • Exciting Announcements. 12/14/21. 7:00am
  • Beetlejuice Returns. 12/14/21. 7:10am
  • Calls, Jazz And More. 12/14/21. 8:05am
  • Fan Feedback, Healthy Ronnie And More. 12/14/21. 8:25am
  • Ben Affleck Visits. 12/14/21. 9:25am