Howard said he figured that all of the Beatles fans out here would have watched this new Disney+ special about them. He said it was so long. He said he spent the whole weekend watching it. He had Robin asked how long it was. She did and he said it was so long that Haley's comet returned twice. He said the special was so long that he was able to write two more books, paint a landscape and bang Beth. He said he spent a lot of the weekend watching it and he's only on the third part of it. Robin said she only got through the first two. Howard said it was so long that Taylor Swift was able to date a guy, break up and write a song about it. He said it was so long that George Takei tried to suck it. Howard said by the time it was over the sea levels had risen.
Howard said the Beatles movie was so long it was dating Kim Kardashian. He asked Fred not to fuck him up by playing the laugh before the joke is out. Fred said the audience is laughing at Robin's reaction.
Howard said the Beatles special was so long it lasted longer than Bill Cosby's stint in prison. He said it was so long that Ralph came out, got married and adopted 3 kids. He said it was so long that when it was over there were 16 new variants of the COVID virus. He said it was so long that Benjy walked two Marathons before the intermission. He had one about Benjy's weight bouncing up and down a bunch of times during the movie.
Howard read more of the jokes he had about how long this special was. He said he's passing on some of them. He said unlike the Beatles movie he's editing. He said there's like 60 hours of film and the director's cut will be even longer.
Howard said he will give the review of the movie in a minute. He said he has more jokes about how long it was. He said he got a booster when it started and needed another one when it was over. Howard said it was so long that his Disney+ subscription expired in the middle of it.
Howard said the movie was so long that the whole Marvel universe became gay by the end of it. He said the special is called ''Get Back'' because he's trying to get back 3 hours of his life. He said Zack Snyder said they should trim it back a couple of hours. He said Jeff the Drunk didn't even have time to watch the whole thing. Howard said the special was so long that SiriusXM acquired another 46 services.
Howard said his review of this Beatles special is based on not being finished with it. He said he got up to the concert part of it. He said his opinion of it so far is that it's the greatest worst movie of all time. He said to him it's a fantastic movie. He said this nudnick Peter Jackson had the balls to put out something so long and that's brilliant. He said that it's not just some band. He said this is the greatest group of musicians who ever assembled. He said for there to be a record of how they create is very inspirational. He said you can't watch it all in one sitting.
Robin said she thought Yoko Ono was a real trooper. She said she sat there. Howard said yeah. He said there's so much to that whole relationship. He said that she was like a mother to John. He said that she had to be by his side at all times. He said that when you talk about the break up of the band it shows that she didn't do it. He said they broke up themselves. He said you could see where it was maddening. He said the guys were trying to create and Yoko was there reading the newspaper. He said he'd be annoyed by that if he were the other guys in the band.
Howard said he talked to Paul about that relationship. He said Paul and John were like a couple and then they had to deal with the other guys in the band. He said someone has to take on that leadership role. He said what was so valuable about the film is that it inspired him. He said when you see them creating the songs it's something. He said that you never get to see the boring hard work struggle that they have to put in. He said when he's painting he thinks about how boring it can be. He said you never knew the struggle Vermeer had when he was painting. He said it's hard to get it right. He said you don't get to see what he had to go through. He said he's watching the Beatles struggling to come up with parts of a song. He said he found himself trying to tell Paul how to fill it in.
Howard said it's mandatory to watch this movie if you want to see the struggle. He said he was painting something that he was struggling with and this movie inspired him. He said you just have to go through the struggle. He said he's painting and of course it's going to be a struggle. He said that they were struggling to write these amazing songs. He said it's like Jerry Seinfeld coming up with new material for a comedy special. He said Jerry documented how hard it is to write new comedy. He said this thing couldn't have been a minute shorter. He said they had to show all of this stuff. He said he wants to watch them write songs. He said you show the boredom in the movie. He said you have to show that. He said you'll never know how tedious and boring it is to write ''Get Back'' if you don't.
Howard said this is the kind of thing we're afraid to look at. He said Peter Jackson said fuck it and had to put it all in there. He said he didn't care if he was criticized for putting so much into it. Robin said he's a creator so he gets it.
Howard said there were some points in the movie that he has to point out. He said George Harrison was working on ''Something in the Way She Moves'' and he was asking for help from Paul. He said that Paul didn't know the answer. He said it's one of the greatest songs ever. He said you just want to yell at them about how it's supposed to go.
Howard said you forget about how hard it is to do. He said Paul plays the guitar upside down because he's left handed. He said the guy is so fluid on bass and guitar and piano. He said he's playing guitar backwards and he's still fluid. He said he didn't care that he was handicapped. He said most people would just give up. He said Paul kept going. He said he's blown out by the whole thing. He said that there were so many songs that they didn't put on that album. He said some ended up on albums later. He said they turned up their noses at ''All Things Must Pass'' and other songs. He said he finds himself wishing that other artists had done something like this.
Howard said he would love to see David Bowie writing ''Starman.'' He said the fact that this footage exists is amazing. Robin said they were able to make room noise disappear so you could hear what they were saying. Howard said it could have ended up going away if he didn't do this. He said it might be the most important document of our time. He said if they had something with Davinci that we should watch then it world be cherished.
Howard said if he were a musician he'd sit and watch this documentary. He said it's an excellent lesson in how to create music. He said it's remarkable. He said the movie is horrible and most people will not want to sit through it. Robin said she had to take the first part in two sessions. Howard said you do it in segments so you can see them create.
Howard said Paul is vindicated in the whole thing too. He said that he said that John was having new love and he didn't want Yoko out of his sight and they have to deal with it. He said Linda and her kid showed up at one point and they were just as annoying as Yoko.
Howard said there's a lot going on and you have to put up with that kind of thing sometimes. He said you have to listen to Yoko yelling. He said they let her go on for a long time.
Howard said Yoko didn't break them up but she didn't help either. He said it shows you in your own life that you have to be willing to overlook certain things. He said Linda's daughter was grabbing microphones and interrupting. He said then the kid sees Yoko yelling into the microphone and then she starts doing it too. He said she out assholes Yoko. He said imagine if Fred brought his girlfriend to the writing meetings. He said he'd actually be happy if he did that. He said he chews on his pen and stares.
Howard said the most annoying guy in the movie was the director. He said that you have moments you'd edit out. He said everyone in the room with the band was coming in with their own suggestions. He said the director of the original movie was telling them where they were going to shoot. He said George looked at him and said he wasn't going to go where this director wanted them to go. He said he didn't read the room. He said he thinks that he wanted them to go to Libya or somewhere.
Howard said the amount of cigarettes they were smoking was crazy. He said he wanted to yell at them for doing that. He said it was just crazy. Robin said they would smoke so much that they'd ask for more. Howard said they'd get more but the food too. He said it's a great lesson about how people didn't give a fuck back then.
Howard said he blew his stack in part two. He said the recording studio didn't have their equipment set up when the band was ready to record. He said he got so pissed off. He said it makes you wonder.
Howard said he'd like to see how Billie Joe Armstrong writes music. He said he'd like to see other bands do something like this. Robin said she'd like to see the Foo Fighters. Howard said it's amazing to watch.
Howard said this is the most important movie to watch. He said it's horrible to sit through though. He said kudos to Peter Jackson.
Robin said she liked that they hid microphones in the flower pot when John and Paul were having issues.
Howard had fake Peter Jackson on the phone and he said he found an extra 12 hours of film of Ringo shopping that he'll include. Howard took the call from fake Peter who was explaining what he has. He said they spent 17 years remastering this footage. Howard bailed on the boring call after fake Peter was describing the first 7 hours of the footage.
Howard said one of the things he found amazing was the time line that the guys had for putting this album together. He said Ringo had to make a movie called The Magic Christian. He said that's why they had to rush. He said he had to film this movie with Peter Sellers. He said he showed up and sat there like a wooden puppet. Robin said no one knew what to say to each other.
Howard said that Yoko sat there a lot but George Harrison brought in some Hare Krishna dudes in there and they looked like they just got out of jail or something. He said it was weird.
Howard said he felt bad for Paul. He said he was saying he had a song in his head and Ringo was giving him a hard time about what to play. He said he had a song in his head and he needs to tell him what to do. He said it's crazy good. He said what a wonderful documentary.
Howard said Jon Hein has some thoughts to share on this special. He said he sat through the whole thing. He said he's only on episode 3 so far. He said that he's maybe halfway through it. He said Jon made it through the whole thing. Robin said she will get to the third one maybe today.
Jon said he couldn't stop watching it. He said it was wonderful to see the greatest song writers of all time. He said George Harrison was amazing because he was learning to be a great song writer. He said he was before but he was learning to be even more. He said he was contributing a lot too. Howard said he really did. He said they were writing ''Octopus's Garden'' and it was amazing to see it come into shape.
Jon said the band just gelled so well. He said then Billy Preston comes in and he adds so much to that band. He said he knows it sounds boring to a lot of people but you learn a lot about how it comes together. Jon said you can tell that Ringo keeps them together too. He said John and Paul are very funny and they do so much together. He said you just look in awe of all of this while it's all going on.
Jon said he thinks that Peter Jackson did a great job with the footage he had. He said it shows you how great The Beatles are. He said they were just making incredible music.
Howard said most guys would say that they had to edit this down to 2 hours. He said he admires Peter for not doing that. He said he admires him for doing what he did. He said he's going to get obvious knocks but he did a documentary on creativity. He said creativity is boring. Robin said this is history. Howard said that Peter left it all in and said this is the most important thing in the world.
Howard said it took balls to put it out the way he did. He said he's not sure he'd be able to do it. He said he worked 4 years on this thing. He said it shows. He said it looked current. Robin said one review said it looks like it's happening today.
Howard said he read the worst review of this movie and it's like the guy just didn't get it. He said this is like an archeological dig. He said he wishes that Green Day or some band like that would do something like this. He said he'd love to see other artists do this kind of thing too.
Jon said it was amazing to see the band doing their old songs to warm up. He said you know all of their songs. He said hearing John and Paul messing around made you feel like a fly on the wall.
John said you saw them being nervous about playing in public for the first time in 3 years. Howard said they created this stuff in just weeks before getting on the roof to play.
Howard and Jon were going back and forth talking about the special and they were getting into it pretty deep. They were going back and forth bringing up bits and pieces of the special that they found interesting.
Robin said it was obvious that they were all on different paths but they didn't know it yet. Robin said they all wanted a sound but they didn't want to do it together. Robin said it was really like a last hurrah.
Howard and Jon kept going back and forth and kept talking over one another because of the slight delay they have with their audio. Robin was part of that too.
Howard asked how cute Linda was. He said she was cute. He said he liked when she was taking pictures. Robin said it was annoying. Howard said Yoko was sitting there so why not have Linda there. Jon said they had the Hare Krishna people there too. He said Maureen Starkey showed up on the last day. He said they didn't get all that distracted when you see it. He said maybe that was part of their process. Howard said it was great.
Howard said Jon Hein is a master of watching TV so god bless him. Jon said some call it work.
Howard said they have to dust off their documentary about the Howard Stern Show. He said it's 57 hours of Jackie Martling yelling about how he was the brains of the whole thing.
Robin said they used to do the show and then they'd go out to eat and they'd call each other and talk for hours after the show. Robin said all of this stuff takes time.
Howard asked Jon how much TV he watched this weekend. Jon said he watched football. He said that he had his birthday this past week and then he had the Michigan game to watch. He said between that and the Beatles thing it was an amazing weekend. Howard asked if he fit in anything else. Jon said he watched mostly the Beatles stuff. He said he watched some games too. He said yesterday he didn't watch anything.
Howard asked if Jon exercises at all. Jon said he has been on a treadmill since the end of the summer. He said he watches some TV while he's on the treadmill. He said he walks around the neighborhood too.
Howard said he watched ''Get Back'' on the treadmill. He said we spend a lot of time with TV. He said they get an advance copy of The Bachelorette so he has seen what's happening tonight. He said this group of people are particularly boring. He said they could cut that show down quite a bit. Howard spent some time talking about who's left on the show. Howard said every guy had a white mom and a black dad. He said everyone left is boring though.
Howard said the Bachelorette likes to show her legs. He said he thinks that they had to tape her dress because she had a slit up the side so long that you could probably see her vagine. He said for him he'd like to see her hair natural. He said he'd love her with a big Fro. He said he had a crush on a girl who had a big ass Fro. He said she didn't want to date him because he was white. He said that she didn't want to get her ass beaten in for him. He said she thought he was out of his mind. He said if he looked like Brad Pitt she would have taken some beatings for him.
Howard said he imagines she had a big bush back then too. He said she probably had a big afro down there too. He said times were different.
Howard said he'd give this ''Get Back'' special an A+. Jon said he would too. Howard said he wants to know how David Bowie came up with his stuff too. He said he wants to know how he came up with ''Starman.'' He played some of the song and said he was getting upset that he's gone. He said he got sad as soon as the Apple logo came up on part one of ''Get Back.'' He said it's the passage of time. Howard said Bowie died from liver cancer.
Robin said she was reading about patriotism and how it means having to sacrifice for your country. She said that you go off to war and it's a sacrifice. She said if you want to be patriotic then you take the vaccine because it's good for everyone. Howard said this is so stupid that we're arguing about a vaccine. He said that he'd bring back Leper island if he were president. He said he'd round up everyone who isn't vaccinated and put them on an island. He said he'd put everyone in Kansas.
Howard said people think they have natural immunity to this COVID. He said no we don't. He said he was talking to a friend of his and he asked him what is up with these unvaccinated. He said he wrote him back and said they're afraid of needles and they're such pussies that they come up with wacky excuses for not getting it. He said it's all about the needles. He said this friend of his knows.
Howard said a top health official in Israel is saying that the unvaccinated are the ones being affected by this new variant. He said that you just need to be vaccinated. He said people are saying this is a plot to take over the country. He said they're idiots. Robin said that Trump got the vaccine so none of this makes sense.
Howard said they have this Omicron in south African and the cases were the unvaccinated. He said the shit stains here won't get not he program and save us. He said our lives won't change. He said everyone is worried about Omicron now. He said the stock market went down because of that. Robin said people over react to everything. Howard said they do though. Robin said people with money aren't any smarter than anyone else.
Howard said just wait until after this Thanksgiving because people got together. He said he's not sure what people are thinking. Howard said sane people are making sense. He said that he's not going to bum everyone out. He said 60 percent of the people in this country are vaccinated. He said fuck the other 40 percent. He said he wishes that they should just call them all cunts. He said that's what they should name the 40 percent. He said those people are dragging us into the stone age. He said they are cunts. He said it's not disparaging to women. He said it's all of those 40 percent who wont get vaccinated.
Howard said they should rename FOX and Friends to FOX and Cunts. Howard said that company is all vaccinated though. He said it doesn't make sense.
Howard said Gary has put together a package of people freaking out on airplanes. He said this is crazy. He said that he should probably take a break first though. Gary said yes.
Howard took a call from a nurse who wanted to vent about vaccines. The woman said that she works in an ICU and she sees people who have COVID who are at their worst. She said the patients they see are unvaccinated. Howard asked the woman, Renee, about how they treat them and if they still end up on a ventilator. Renee said they do. She said a lot of them are under 50. Howard asked if she's doing this to help the democrats. Renee laughed. She said that she had one person claiming that she gets paid to lie about this stuff. She said she hasn't seen the money if that's the case.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Mitch McConnell who was saying she sounds a lot like Jill Biden and she must be working for the Biden administration. Fake Mitch said she's just another Pelosi stooge. Howard let fake Mitch go on for a little bit. Howard closed the door on him a short time later.
Howard said this is what's happening in this country right now. Renee said there are people who think that these people who are in the hospital had underlying conditions and that's not always the case. She said she has to thank Howard for supporting the vaccine. Howard said when he becomes president he's not clogging up the hospitals with these nudnick. He said he's going to ship them off to Leper Island. He said he's not going to treat them if they don't get vaccinated.
Renee said that some of these people spend 60 days on this treatment. Howard said eventually the insurance companies are going to get fed up and stop paying unless they're vaccinated. Renee said that hey might have to do something like they do with smokers and raise their rates.
Howard let Renee go and told Robin that he gave it to Beth last night. He said he has to recharge after that. He said it will be a couple of days. He said he has to play these tapes that Gary has. He said it's horrifying. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that's his dad singing. He said that's beautiful. He came back as they were ending that and playing ''Lunatic Fringe.'' Howard said the guy who wrote that song wrote it the night that John Lennon was killed. He said it was about the horror of John being dead and so many other horrors in this world. He said we're again haunted by this lunatic fringe. He said that they're the ones who won't take vaccines and tried to steal the election. He said the person who started the term ''Lunatic fringe'' was Teddy Roosevelt. He said it's a small group of people who show insanely extreme support for a set of beliefs that are generally kooky.
Howard said he got an email from Jerry O'Connell who sent him a picture of a bumper sticker. He said it's a picture of Gary and underneath it says ''Noine.'' he said he wishes he had that to put on his car. He said Jerry saw this somewhere. Howard said it's a picture of Gary with ''Noine'' under it. He said it's the greatest bumper sticker of all time. He said he isn't a fan of putting anything on your car but this is a great sticker. He said never put anything political on your vehicle. He said this one he would put on his car.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a problem with smoking and he's having trouble giving it up. He asked how Howard did it. Howard said he was an addict. He said he smoked sometimes 3 or 4 packs in a day. He said he would light one off another. He said he was insanely happy to support the tobacco companies. He said he started smoking because he was such a loser he wanted to look cool. He said he wanted girls to look at him. He said that he would smoke at parties. He said he smoked to show that he was a bad ass. Robin said it was something to do when you weren't talking to someone. Howard said he was a loser and no one would talk to him. Fred played the song ''Loser'' as he was talking about that.
Howard said he would stand in the back corner even at fat girl parties. He said that he would go to the AZA parties and he would be in the back and no one was interested in him. He said his friends said he was a loser if he didn't find a girl there. He said his friend Dr. Lou would talk to girls and he'd stand there smoking. He said he became addicted and it was calming him down and stuff.
Howard said only one guy he knew was worse off. He said this guy would ask him to set an alarm clock to 3 in the morning so he could wake up and smoke at that time. He said that's how much he wanted to smoke.
Howard said he quit cold turkey and he hasn't had one since. He said this is how you quit. He said you don't have to pay for this advice. Howard said he sees people like Sal who still vapes like a maniac. He said the secret to quitting is looking in the mirror and saying that you're not a baby and you can say no. He said just quite. He said you're done. He said act like a man. Robin said he told her to start meditating. Howard said that works too. He said when you want something bad enough you can say no to yourself. He told the caller, Paul, to just stop. Howard said Paul should just put it down and stop. He said you have will power and you're not a baby.
Howard took a call from Pocket who asked if he knows who Elena Satine is. Howard said no. Pocket said that she's in this show ''Cowboy Bebop'' and she's really hot. He said he should check her out. Howard said he's going to look her up. He tried Googling her. He wasn't having any luck finding her. He said that he finally found her. He said she must not be that famous. He said he's looking and she's a good looking girl. He said the sexiest woman on TV is this woman on Yellowstone who plays Beth (Kelly Reilly). He said she got blown up in one season and she comes out and her shirt was blown off. He said that she looks so good in a bra. He said that she oozes sex appeal. He said she's hot.
Pocket asked if there's a time of day that Beth gives him sex more than others. Howard said yes. He said they have dinner and it's after dinner. He said yesterday she put on this dress during the day that was so sexy. He said that he said he had to give it to her. He said he wanted to eat at 4:30 so he could be in bed by 6. He said he loves sleeping. He said he got laid last night and he went to bed after laying there like King Tut. He said he was nude there with cum dripping out of his penis. He said imagine that image.
Howard said he was watching SEAL Team 6 and what a good show that is. He said it's on Paramount+. He said he wants that show to keep going so he'll give them a plug.
Howard said he has to look up Kelly Reilly. He said he has to give it to this guy Kevin Costner. He said that guy is a talent. He said he has this TV show called Yellowstone and it's so good. Robin said he's done things like that his whole career and it's always worth watching. Pocket said Kelly is hot. Howard wondered if Kevin has banged her. Robin said he's married. Howard said that doesn't matter. He said look at these pictures. He said she's hot.
Howard said there are no bikini shots of Kelly out there. He said he's so disappointed when he can't find something like that.
Howard said he might have to read the ''75 facts you didn't know'' about Kelly Reilly. Howard thanked Pocket for the call and let him go.
Howard said people are sick of Apples but he's taking his call. He took the call from Apples who said that he saw Ronnie's Thanksgiving on Instagram. Howard asked if he had a lot of people over. Apples said he's not putting it all out there but he may have had some people over. He said he'd love to hear the story. Howard said Ronnie is out there doing stuff around people like going out to eat and things. He said he's way more out there than he is.
Howard said people really hate Apples. He said they're brutal. He pulled out some of the fan feedback about Apples. He read through the comments where fans were talking about what a creep he is. Apples said some people like it. Robin asked where those letters are. Howard said he doesn't have any. Apples said he's sorry about that.
Apples said he watches Ronnie's twitter for fun and it's all pictures of women that are sent to him from other men. He said he thinks that he's all alone in his house when NASCAR isn't on. Ronnie got on and asked what's wrong with this guy. He said if he doesn't talk about him then he has nothing to say. He said he's total shit when he's not talking to him. Howard said that's what the fans said.
Howard asked how many people he had over. Ronnie said it was 7 total in his house. He said he had a few people over. He said it was some friends and Stephanie's parents. He said it was his friend Steve and his family. Howard asked what he does for a living. Ronnie said he worked for a pharmaceutical company that put out Regeneron.
Howard asked if he got the SNAP test. Ronnie said they're all vaccinated. Howard said his daughter told him that the SNAP test is good to do. He said then you can have people come into the house if they take the test. He said it's not 100 percent but it's pretty good. He said you can wait 10 minutes for the test. He said you take two so you have two negative tests. He said his daughter told him about that and he's taking her advice.
Ronnie said that he called Robin on Thanksgiving and she never got back to him. Robin said she's getting to him. Howard said she talked to him like 20 times since thanksgiving. He said she's too busy yakking to him. He said he's going to do this for her. He said that Robin is too busy. Robin said she's not too busy. She said she had a lot going on this weekend but she's going to call him. Howard said it's enough. He said he talked to Ronnie. He said Ronnie texted him and he called back. Ronnie said he did not. He said he texted him back.
Ronnie told Howard that the show he's been watching isn't called SEAL Team 6. He said it's just ''SEAL Team.'' He said the other show went off the air after 2 seasons. Howard said the show is so good that they put it on Paramount+ to get people to subscribe.
Apples said he really should run for President. He said he knows he's joking about it but he should really run. Howard said he doesn't want to talk about it. He said that he will have Ronnie run the department of transportation if he gets elected. Ronnie said now you know how awful he is when he's not talking about him. Howard said he'd make Ronnie Secretary of Cunt. Ronnie said he'd dress his press secretary. Howard said that's what he'd do as secretary of cunt. He said he'd dress them all in special outfits.
Howard said the girl who plays Beth on Yellowstone he's sure Ronnie would find hot. Gary said she is very sexy. He said she's a dirty girl in the show. He said that there's something sexy about her smoking. He said he usually wouldn't say that.
Howard asked who the hottest girl on TV is right now. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said he'd have to think about it. He said he has to take some time. Howard said forget it then. He said thank you to him. Ronnie said there's a now show called Mayor of Kingstown on Paramount. He said he should check that out. Howard said he watches ''Always Jane'' and that's a transsexual. He said that he loves transsexuals. He said this young lady is about to get her penis chopped off. He said she's so hot that she's in a modeling competition. He said that's on Amazon. He said she still has the deep voice but that's because she started the hormones too late in her life.
Robin said now people are giving their pronouns in their emails. She said that they list them after their name when they sign off. Howard said he doesn't do that.
Ronnie said think about how cool it is when a woman hooks up with a transsexual. He said she's with a chick with a cock. Robin said this is totally inappropriate. Howard said transsexuals hate their cocks. He said that they don't want that. He said the cock is something they don't want to acknowledge. He said that they tuck that thing away. He said they feel like they're women and don't want that thing. He said they're on so many hormones that they don't even get hard. Ronnie said they haven't watched any of that porn. He said if you watch that then you see them getting off. Howard said maybe that's transvestites. Robin said she thinks both of them are confused. She said they're transgender.
Howard said he was handed a note saying that the woman leading on Jeopardy is a transgender. Gary said she's an older woman and maybe 55 or so. He said she's up there. Howard said that's something he has to check out. He asked if she has full vagina and titties. Gary said he's not sure what's going on there. Howard asked who the host is. Gary said it's Ken Jennings. Howard asked if he asks about it. Gary said he has mastered the boring interview like Alex Trebek. Howard said he was good at the boring interview. He said that no one cared about the people when he'd interview them. Howard made up some questions that Ken could ask this transgender person.
Howard said the other day he went to pee during the show. He said it was on Tuesday. He said he went to pee and pushed is penis out over his underwear. He said he was aiming into the bowl and the pee took a left turn. He said it was like a 45 degree angle. He said it went to the left and he was pointing down. He said he's not sure how it's possible. He said it went randomly to the left. Robin said she thinks the pee hole gets mushed up and it clogs it. She said that's like what happens to a faucet sometimes. Howard said he remembers as a kid they had jokes about old people and how they can't pee straight. He said it's no joke now. Robin said here was a great episode of ''Curb your Enthusiasm'' where Larry David had that problem and he peed on a picture of Jesus in a friend's bathroom. Howard said he should watch that show. He said he's not sure why he doesn't.
Howard said he has had people over to their house and they use their ''powder room'' and ever time this one friend comes over the floor ends up soaked. He said he should say something to him but he's not sure what's going on there. He said he pisses all over the floor. He said he makes sure that no pee ends up on the floor of friend's houses. He said that he makes sure that he's not going to leave a mess. He said what he does is throw toilet paper on the floor to clean up this friend's piss. He said he wont touch it. Robin said he could pick it up with a wad of more toilet paper. Howard said it still ends up on your hands.
Howard said he's not sure if it's worse to leave piss on the floor or shit smell. Robin said both are bad. Howard said shitting at someone's house is a major embarrassment. He said he doesn't think it's ever happened to him. Howard said he can't imagine that someone would come to his house and piss on his floor and leave it. Robin said it might be done on purpose. Howard said this guy knows and he knows who he is. He said he knows he's talking about him and it's not Ralph. Howard said Ralph does worse shit. He said he threw up in his washing machine.
Howard asked if he watched the Beatles documentary. Michael said he saw about an hour an 6 minutes of it. He said he feels like it's inspiring and he's going to force his kids to watch it. He said that he wants them to see how you have to do tedious things to get things done. He said don't watch it on super HD because they look like Claymation. He said that he loves it and hates it.
Michael asked if Howard has been continuing his therapy while in quarantine. Howard said he has. Michael said he's concerned that he's using this to stay inside. He said he has to get out into the world. Howard said he is looking at that. He said the pandemic has been a blessing and a curse to him. He said he is very shut down right now. He said he and Robin are both shut down. He said there are a lot of problems because of this whole pandemic. He said he's trying to figure out what's right for him. He said he's not comfortable with what's happening right now.
Michael said there are people out there right now. He said he might have to get a new voice in his life. Howard said he will get out so don't worry about it. He said he hears him. He said he has to get going. Michael said how dare Ronnie bad mouth Apples. He said without him they don't hear Ronnie screaming and yelling. He said the fans love that. He said the fans want to hear Gary getting berated too. Howard said they get it. He let Michael go after that. Howard finished up his live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and said that he'll get to Gary in a second. He said he has Tom on the phone first. He said it's hard to get to everyone. Tom said he went to get a massage recently and he got jerked off. He said he wasn't even expecting it. He said it was an Asian massage parlor and the woman was really hot. He said she turned him over and asked if he wanted to be finished off. Howard asked what it cost him. He said it was an additional $50 on top of the 60 for the massage. Howard asked if he tipped on top of that. Tom said he did and he gave her $20 more. He said she was using all kinds of oils on him. He said she had nice soft hands too. He said he had never had it done before but it was something. He said she knew how to stroke it better than he does.
Howard asked if he was nude under a sheet. Tom said they do put a blanket on you. He said he was on his back and then she turned him over and asked if he wanted to be finished off. He said he had to pay that additional money and then she did her thing. He said that he had to get up and pay her first. He said that she just sat down and started jerking him off. Howard asked what she was wearing. Tom said it was a skimpy skirt with some flip flops and a belly shirt. Howard said that's when you know she's going to jerk you off when she's wearing something like that.
Howard asked if she was good looking. Tom said she was. He said she was a very pretty Asian girl. He said she said her name was Pink. He said he thinks that was bullshit. Howard asked if he's married. Tom said he's separated now. Howard asked if this convinced him to get separated. Tom said it was a lot of issues he had in his marriage. He said he's been dealing with that since March. He said he figured he could try this and see what happens. He said he threw caution to the wind.
Robin said the marriage must be over. Tom said he would love to go back. He said they both had issues they need to work on.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who says he used to run one of these places. He said that he'd be afraid of these places though. Howard took the call from Drew who said that he used to run a bunch of places in New Jersey. He said you look for the places that are open from 10 to 10. Howard asked if you have to watch out for the cops. Drew said the girls are all unreliable and crazy. He said you have to be careful about the whole thing. He said you put them in a locker room so they can change. He said the women would check the lockers to make sure there are no badges or anything. He said you have to be very cautious.
Howard asked Drew if he's there and he puts his stuff in a locker they're able to check them. Drew said they had an extra key. He said they usually have their money with them so you don't have to worry about that being taken.
Howard asked if the girls are hot. Drew said it's a mixture. He said they have all kinds of girls from all over the world. He said hiring them is the hardest part. He said you can't say what you're hiring them for. He said you have to tell them they make money from the tips. Then the other girls tell them what the deal is.
Howard asked Drew what kind of example he can give for a girl being a pain in the ass. Drew said one girl scratched another girl's car in the parking lot and the cops were called.
Howard asked if the girls have full on intercourse. Drew said they did everything. He said this was about 8 years ago when he was doing it. He said full service was $200 and oral was like 120 and 60 for hand release. Howard said if he was one of the girls he'd give hand release and show his tits but that's about it. He said he's not showing his tits for nothing though.
Drew said the girls would leave condoms laying around. He said they had to put a deposit on the room and they would take money away for stuff like that.
Robin asked if he had to test the girls. Drew said after work he might do something like that. Howard asked if there's room for advancement for the girls. Drew said some of the girls open up their own places. Howard asked how much a girl can make doing something like that. Drew said not much these days. He said there's a lot of competition now. He said back in the day they could make mike 1,200 to 2,000 a day.
Howard asked if the cops disturb you at all. Drew said that once they had cops there over being registered with the town. He said they came when they had no people there.
Howard asked Drew what he does now. Drew said he fixes computers. He said that's how he started there. He said he did their web site at the massage parlor.
Howard asked if famous guys show up to these places. Drew said very rich guys do. He said they would have people throwing parties there.
Howard said he's never had something like that for his guys. He said he wouldn't want to be in charge of something like that. He said it's such a sad life. Drew said that it's not sad for them though. He said a lot of them are married. He said this is just what they do.
Howard asked if the guys who come are messed up. Drew said it's all kinds of guys. Howard asked what the girls do if a guy is smelly. Drew said they can clean them up. Howard asked how many guys the girls are with in a day. Drew said maybe 4 guys or so.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake George Takei who was crying over Steven Sondheim and asking how they can talk about something like this at this time. Howard closed the door on George.
Howard let Drew go and took a call from Bobo who said that he went for a massage. He said that you get aroused there and anyone who says they don't is lying. He said that the ''aviance'' of the room gets to you. Howard asked him to repeat that word over and over a few times. Bobo kept saying it ''aviance'' and even spelled it ''AVAIANCE'' when Howard asked him to.
Howard asked Bobo to say the word massage too. Bobo said it like ''Masadge'' like Sal does. Howard said a lot of guys say it like that. He said Sal does too. He had Bobo repeat it a couple of times.
Howard said he has gotten many massages in his life but he has never gotten aroused. He said maybe he's not an animal like Bobo. He said he can control himself. He said he doesn't want some girl seeing him aroused. Bobo said it's not every time but it does happen. Howard said he has to get that under control.
Howard said he knows what Bobo is doing. He said he's hoping that girl will rub his dick. Bobo said that's not true. Howard said Bobo used to jerk off on the wall when he was younger. Bobo said he was like 12 years old. He said it would seep into the cement. Howard said he has to go. He thanked him for telling him about the ''aviance.''
Howard said these are clips that Gary found. He asked him to come on and talk about this. Gary said the first one is a flight from Los Angeles to Utah. He said this guy was growling and chewing on his mask. He said the flight attendants weren't able to calm him down. Howard said this guy is an older man and he's grunting like an animal. Howard played some of the audio of the grunting. The guy brought up Joe Biden but didn't say more than ''Joe Biden, really?''
Robin said that age doesn't make you wiser. She said it just makes you old.
Howard asked Gary what else he has. Gary told Howard about this woman who was touched by a flight attendant and stared screaming. Howard played the clip and the woman was screaming like she was being killed. Howard said that's the scream you get when you're about to be sued.
Howard said that all stages of flying suck. Gary said being on the plane sucks. He said you have to fight for elbow room if you're in the middle.
Gary said the next clip is a woman who showed up with her own PA system. He said she was informing people what the pandemic was all about. Howard said this is a new kind of nut. He played the clip and the woman started talking on her PA system. Howard said he wanted to hear what caused the pandemic. He said he thinks she was saying it had to do with the internet. Gary said that she was telling people that they weren't listening because they were on their devices. Howard said people are insane.
Gary said that this guy was asked to keep his mask on a bunch of times on the plane and then the cops showed up. Howard played the clip and the guy was yelling about them showing up for him.
Howard said you think about the airplane and what it is. He said you just have to sit there. Robin said this is a dangerous thing. She said you have to be able to follow instructions if something happens to the plane.
Howard said a lot of people turn out to be huge assholes in their lives. He said children on a school bus behave better than this.
Gary said the next clip was a woman who got pissed that her man was checking out another woman on the plane. Howard played the clip and it was this woman yelling at this guy to shut the fuck up. There was a little boy behind her and someone informed her of that. She said she knows that. Then the woman started assaulting someone. Robin said flying is too exciting for her now.
Gary said that this next clip is a woman who threatened to kill everyone on the plane. She had ripped out a oxygen mask in the bathroom and other things. She was told to sit in her seat after she said she was going to kill everyone on the fucking plane. Howard asked how she's going to do that and live if she crashes it.
Howard said that's pretty good. Gary said he has a montage to end it. Howard said he might throw up. He played the montage that the guys put to music. They ha people screaming to the tune of ''Leaving on a Jet Plane.''
Howard asked why they won't do it. Jeff said they just don't know of anyone who can do it. Howard said he's not sure what to make of this. Robin said she's not sure what he's been told. She said he's taking his word for it. She said it sounds like his doctor just ignored him and didn't call anyone about it.
Howard asked if he's sure that people are recommending that he get it taken off. Jeff said he wants it off. Howard said the doctor doesn't want to cut it off. Jeff said it's a dead arm. He said he can't do anything with it. He said he can't even cut his fingernails on his dead arm.
Howard asked why he can't get his fingernails cut by someone else. Jeff said there's some law that says they can't do it. Howard asked what he's talking about. He said he thinks he's saying there's a law about cutting fingernails on a dead arm. Jeff said that heath workers can't cut your nails. Howard said he thinks he's making this up. He said that doesn't make sense. He said he thinks the nurse just doesn't want to do it because he's gross.
Robin said it sounds like he's going to a podiatrist and he's unable to get his nails cut there. Howard said there's no law. He said he just doesn't want to deal with it. Jeff said that's what he thinks.
Howard took a call from fake Bubba the Love Sponge who said he has a way to help Jeff. He said he has to book a flight down there to Tampa and he'll get him in with Dr. Diaco who can do it. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard said he's not sure what to tell Jeff. He said he thought he was the one holding back on getting his arm cut off. Jeff said that was 20 years ago. Howard said now he feels that the doctors don't want to cut off the arm. He said he's not sure what's going on. He said maybe things are working if his fingernails are growing. He said he has no idea what's going on with that arm.
Robin said he should talk to an orthopedist. Jeff said that's who he talked to and he won't do shit. Robin said then it shouldn't happen then.
Howard said he thinks he had enough time with Jeff today. He let him go a short time later. He said they have a lot to get to but they're going to end the show now. He said they have today and tomorrow to talk.
Howard said he's not sure if there's anything more exciting than a Jeff the Drunk call. He said that he finds it fascinating just trying to figure out what he's talking about. He said you have to figure it out yourself. He said there's nothing better.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Greta Thunberg complaining that he didn't mention the ice caps. Howard said he did mention Coronavirus though. Fake Greta was going on and on about the things they did talk about today and how much energy he's wasting watching TV. Howard said he has no time for this. He said he has to eat his lunch. He closed the door on her.
Howard said he admires that girl. He said she wants this planet cleaned up and cleaned up now. He said just saying the word Beatles sets her off. Howard opened the door again and let her rant a little more before closing the door on her.
Howard said he heard that Disney wanted Peter Jackson to cut the cursing out of the special and Paul and Ringo said no. Howard said he's not sure Disney would do that. Robin said Disney used to be all about family friendly stuff. She said then they went out and started buying other companies that had cursing and stuff. Howard said that maybe they will change the name of the app eventually. He said Disney might want to put things on that service and they might have a branding problem.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:25am
Howard said he was a production editor and he thinks that he could have gotten that out of the song. Robin said that song has the static. Howard said he thinks he could have gotten rid of that. He said he would have left out the ''Hell'' part. Robin said there's static too though. She said it's right there. Howard said it's not though. He said that's part of the background noise from Pig Vomit in the street saying that line. He said now he's got it. He said he thinks this song does not have that sound in it. He said if you bought Rob's clear version that's not in it. He said it's poor editing. He said it sounds kind of cool but he bets Rob didn't put it in.
Howard said it might bother him and he might have to edit it out. He said back in his day he had to edit tape and it was very slow to do it. He said now it's driving him nuts. He said that's not in the song. He said it's Pig Virus saying ''Hell'' and going into the song. He said he thinks the engineer who pulled it was the one who made a mistake.
Howard said if you go to Spotify and put that song on it doesn't have that ''Hell'' in it. He said it took 24 hours to get to the bottom of that. He said he thought Rob was brilliant for putting that at the start of the song. He said it turns out it wasn't Rob. He said he's still a genius though.
Howard read a fan's comment about him kissing John Lennon's ass all the time and how much the guy hates it. Howard read through that and talked about what a big fan of the band he was. He said he bought 3 Beatles albums when he was growing up. He said he was a big Beatles fan. He said when he grew up there wasn't a lot of cash around to buy those things.
Howard said his father did some work for someone and they gave him free record albums. He said his father gave him the albums and it was the complete collection of The Doors. He said he was so disappointed. He said that he didn't like The Doors. He said it wasn't his thing. He said it didn't move him at all. He said he looked at them and thought about how unlucky that was. He said he played them because he didn't have a lot of albums. He said he didn't enjoy it. He said you want to hang yourself listening to that stuff.
Howard read more comments from people who were telling him to shut the fuck up already about the Beatles. He said he can't shut up or he won't have a show. He said people tune in to hear what he has to say. He said he loves the Beatles and he's not going to shut up about it. Robin said they talked over the weekend and the band were all great and they wondered why they had to choose their favorite.
Howard said he bought a lot of the solo stuff. He said he had Paul's first and all of John's. He said he had George's first solo album too.
Howard read more comments about the review he gave yesterday. He had a lot of people who were saying they weren't that talented and they didn't deserve all of this. Howard said people comment about this and they've done nothing with their lives. He said you hear them play and you want to throw up. He said he's often said that people should be licensed to have a gun and he thinks guitar players should be as well. He said he guarantees this asshole who wrote this doesn't have any talent. He said the guy didn't give his name. He said he knows guys like this who think they're in the music business and they're horrible.
Howard said some people did write him and said they enjoyed the special. He read through some of those comments.
Howard said all of these apps are very expensive for people. He said that Disney+ is coming on strong though. He said they're making a lot of good stuff. He said they have an archive that's so deep that they can put it all on there. He said they're adding a lot of new stuff too. Robin said they have first release movies and a lot of things on there.
Howard said the guy who got a lot of this started was Michael Eisner. He said they had a lot of classic movies that were locked up in a vault there and Eisner came in and said that they have all of these movies locked up in an archive so they should be making some money with them. He said Eisner said they should put them all out. He said that's what they did and they made them huge again. Robin said they were blockbuster movies. Howard said the guy said they were sitting on a gold mine and they had all of this locked up somewhere.
Howard said he asked his bosses if he could tape his show and save them for the future. He said they could cut and replay them when he's not there. He said at first they said no way. He said he loves to tell this story. He said no one was taping shows. He said they said it was too expensive to buy the tapes. He said that it was going to cost $8 a day to buy tapes. He said he'd spend that himself. He said they didn't want to do it. He said he told them to record the show and they'd see what would happen. He said he was told he was insane. He said no one was doing it. He said not even Imus was saving tapes of his show. He said rest in peace Imus. He said he's not a cunt like he was saying. He said he's a good man.
Howard said he told them about Disney and how they had their movies locked up. He said they didn't want to spend $8 a day. He said they wanted to do a trade deal with Maxell tape. He said they made a deal and started taping the shows. He said he asked for them when he left and they said no way. He said they went to replay the tapes when they did get them and he had to bake the tapes because they were deteriorating. He said they had to bake them at a certain temperature. He said this is what was going on. He said the tapes became invaluable.
Gary said he wants to give him more intel on this. He said it's much worse than what he's saying. He said the tapes were generic and they were literally the cheapest they could get. Howard said you get what you pay for. Gary said then a deal was cut with Maxell and they didn't have to pay. He said they made reel to reel tapes and those were the ones they had to bake. He said they had to buy like 10 ovens to bake them at once.
Howard said you don't know how bad it was. He said that they had to flip the tapes during the show. He said they had issues with flipping the tape. He said they told him they didn't know what to do. He said how about buying multiple recorders. He said they didn't want to do that. He said he asked if they couldn't see the future. He said that they had a lot of stuff they could replay when he's on vacation and they could make money with that. He said they didn't get it. He said he thought the fans would like to hear that. He said they didn't have anyone to flip the tape. He said he asked for an engineer to do it. He said he had to hire someone to flip the tape. He said this is what would go on. He said this is the history of radio. He said no one deserves to be in the radio hall of fame. He said this is why the industry is falling apart.
Howard said a lot of radio guys didn't have to go to college to get into the business. He said Jim Kerr was in the business at like 15 years old.
Howard said getting back to the fan mail he has more. He said some people made sense. He said some people wrote in about the talk they had yesterday. Some fans wrote in about how good they thought the ''Get Back'' documentary was.
Howard read some comments about Yoko and how she and John were trying to get over a miscarriage. Howard said his theory on John and Yoko is that John never had a family and he had a bad background. He said that he didn't know his mother very well and there was no father in the picture. He said he was raised by his grandmother. He said when he fell in love with Yoko she became a mother to him. He said that he'd let her speak for him like a mother would. He said that Paul was his mother for a while and then it was Yoko. He said that's why the dynamic was so good in the movie. He said he was sitting there with his new mommy and that was painful for Paul. He said it was good for their music.
Howard said it was quite a movie and quite a dynamic. Robin said she finished watching it yesterday and she wanted more when it was over. She said she'll watch the director's cut and she'll enjoy it.
Howard said he'll give his last theory on the band. He said if the Beatles had been a regular band that goes out on tour to support themselves then they'd still be together. He said he thinks that's what was missing. He said they would put out and album and wait a couple of years before doing another one. He said that he thinks Paul would have gone but maybe not John. He said they put out a lot of albums in a short amount of time. He said they spent so much time doing that and it led to their break up.
Howard said if he had to do the radio show and write all the material for the show and not get to perform it and have people hear it, he'd think it was a horrible job. He said it's the performance. He said Paul even said that you have to do that.
Howard took a call from Yoko audio clips. She was just yelling like she does in the movie. Howard said he's not a fan of her yelling but he has to tell her that John loved it so what the hell does he know. The guys played Yoko screaming some more.
Howard asked to hear Yoko warming up. They had her making some other yelling sounds with some instruments playing in the background. Howard asked for her best song. Yoko yelled some more. Howard said he knows this one. He said it's the one she sang at that museum. He said he has a headache now and he has to go.
Howard said here are so many songs that he'd like but it's always going to be ''The Great American Nightmare.'' He had to ask Fred if it's Great American Nightmare or just American Nightmare. Fred said it is Great American Nightmare.
Howard said he could be an asshole and play something else like ''Send in the Clowns.'' He said that Steven Sondheim wrote this horrible fucking song. He had Fred playing it for him. He said of course it's a show tune. He said he hates clowns and he's glad they're gone.
Howard said one year Robin booked Judy Collins to do this song at a birthday show. He said this is why they record shows. He said you have to have this stuff. He played a clip of Judy performing the song. He wanted to hear Robin introducing it. He said she called it the worst song ever recorded. He said Judy has a great voice but come on. Gary said he had to book her and she did have a good sense of humor about it. He said he had the clip of Robin introducing the song the other night. He said it was great. He said that you have to trust him. He said someone chopped it up for him.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake George Takei. George was crying over the ''Send in the Clowns'' song. George was singing it and getting upset about Sondheim passing. He rang his bell and asked Brad to bring in some tissues for the snot covering his face.
Howard let George go and closed the door on him. He said he doesn't have time for a Steven Sondheim eulogy right now. Robin said she's sure people in the business know.
Howard said George was tweeting about a Black Friday sale on the Allegiance soundtrack. He said he loves that musical. Howard said he bought it for Fred for Christmas. Robin said he should have done that. Howard said that would have been good. Howard said he sent Jimmy Kimmel a box set of something for Christmas. He said he'll love it. He said no one is sitting and listening to box sets. Robin said maybe Gary is.
Howard said that people wrote in about Gary and Michael Rapaport and Apples and Ronnie. He read through some of that feedback. Some people weren't too happy with Rapaport calling in. He had some comments about Apples calling in and busting Ronnie's balls. Some people like that he upsets Ronnie and makes him miserable. Howard said he does have some haters too. He read some of those comments where people said that it's not all that funny.
Howard said he got a bunch of comments about JD trying psychedelic mushrooms. He said some fans agree that he should not do them. Howard said this one guy wrote in about how they don't just last for a moment or two. He said you can't get rid of them. He said he was on that bad acid trip and he thought it was lasting for months. He said he never thought he was going to come down. Someone said JD should just be himself and do what he wants. Robin said that's terrible advice.
Howard said JD can do what he wants. He said he's not his father. He said that someone said he could end up like the next Crackhead Bob. He could end up being Mushroom JD. Howard said someone thinks that JD should do them at his house. He said that they could do dumb shit.
Howard said they tried to get into JD's head about this whole thing. He said they asked JD what he wants to get into his head about. He said he can play that next. In the clip JD was asked what he thinks about and it was all about death and dying. JD said he wonders what it will be like and all of that. He said he tries to stop thinking about it all.
Howard said JD still thinks he'll be able to see and hear when he's dead. He said that's an infantile way of thinking.
JD got on and said that no one knows what happens when you're dead. He said your brain lives when you die. Howard asked who told you that. JD said that you see stuff on the internet. Howard said he saw that your body becomes a magnet after taking the vaccine for COVID. JD said these are actual studies. Robin asked if he's talking about brain waves. She said it doesn't mean you're thinking.
Howard asked if JD eats steak. JD said yes. Howard asked if he thinks that the cows are still thinking. He said that he won't know if they eat him. JD said he knows that he'll be done at some point but how long is what he's wondering.
Howard asked if he's going to do the mushrooms or not. JD said it won't be any time soon. He said he's not doing them. Howard said he'll give him a cautionary tale. He said that doing acid made his OCD even worse. He said he has to be careful. Robin said he might do them when his inhibitions are down. JD said he doest' let himself get that out of control.
Howard said he left out this part of the story. He said when he did too much acid he started smoking hash at 10am. He said he was trying to get some girl. He said he went over to see this girl and she was with some other dude. He said he didn't want to give up and he sat there all day with them smoking hash. He said it was the worst day of his life. He said he was wasted on hash and this girl was with some other dude. He said he's having this discussion in his head and things go from bad to worse. He said that he waited all day for her to make out with him again and she never let that other dude out of her sight.
Howard said he went back to his room and he had one hit left of this acid. He said he did it at 9 at night. He said he didn't know it was going to keep him up for 2 days straight. He said that shit fucked up his brain. He said imagine what it'll do to JD. JD said he hears a lot of negative stories and they're making an impact on him.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Gary Busey who was telling JD that he supports whatever he wants to do with that stuff. He said he's all for him taking it. Howard said it'd debatable if this is really Gary Busey or not. He said he loved him as Commander Krill. Gary said he brought him home and he would do that at the dinner table with his wife and son there. Howard closed the door on him as he was rambling.
Howard took a call from fake Dr. Now from ''My 600 Pound Life'' and he was telling JD about not doing the work and how he has to stop eating so much. He said he should lose weight and get a high off of that. JD said he's working on that too.
Howard asked Dr. Now what JD can do to lose the weight. Dr. Now said the problem with him is that he has to go on a 1200 calorie diet and not go off of that. He said that he can lose the weight. He said don't worry about the drug. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said everyone is debating JD's mushrooms. Robin said she had a dream that she found out she was dying imminently and the whole dream was about how to tell people how to deal with it. She said that she was making preparations and all of this. She said maybe this is what happens to JD. She said that he might dream about death like that. She said she just woke up and thought it was a stupid dream. JD said he might think about it too much.
Howard said JD has a lot of problems and one of them is speaking. He said he needs every brain cell he's got.
Howard said he has a game to play where JD was asked to say what food he's eating at Thanksgiving while he's eating it. He said he has a mouth full of food at the time.
Howard played a clip and JD said ''Stove Top Stuffing'' and Robin understood it. Howard played another one and Robin knew it was Mashed Potatoes.
Howard played another one and Robin didn't get that one. It was Roasted Turkey. Howard played another one but he gave it away when he said Creamed Corn in the can. He had a Macaroni and Cheese clip too. Howard played another one and it was Pumpkin Pie with Whipped Cream.
Chris said he wasn't able to get medication all day. He said he had to call for a televisit and he got a prescription. He said the pharmacy wasn't answering their phone so he had to call into another pharmacy. He said it was all confusion.
Howard asked if he got a COVID test because he heard diarrhea is a symptom now. Chris said he did get tested. He said he has traveler's diarrhea. He said he told them that he'd pay whatever he had to for this stuff. He said it was a nightmare. He said his stomach is finally settling. He said he took so much Pepto and Imodium that he wasn't able to shit. He said that he'd have cement shit after that.
Howard said he'd go to the doctor if he were Chris. He said that he knew a family that went to Mexico and this woman died from the parasite she got down there. He said that he read that they broke up over the talk about the diarrhea. Chris said they broke up about that and then about a clip they put out about the dildo he was bringing to Panama. He said that he was upset with Howard doing the voice of Dracula as his voice. Chris said it's become an issue off air.
Howard said his impression of his boyfriend is hysterical. Chris said he tries to tell him this is a comedy show. He said he has no cultural reference to this kind of thing. He asked Howard not to do the voice. Howard did the Dracula thing as his boyfriend.
Howard said he's happy for Chris going down there and having a boyfriend. Chris said he loves Panama and he would suggest going there. He said just don't drink the tap water.
Howard said Chris looks like that character Powder in the picture he put up on his social media. Chris said that's an odd picture because of the way the light hits him. He said Robin is going to crack up at this. Robin saw it and said it looks like he's about to disappear. Chris said maybe he is Dracula and he sucked the color out of him.
Howard asked if he's not allowed to do his impression of him anymore. Chris said that he just shouldn't put video out. He said that he loves the show but then he reads the headlines and he sees that and he goes nuts. He said he thinks that people won't go to Panama because he got diarrhea down there. Howard said people don't listen to this show for travel ideas. He said if they did no one would go anywhere.
Howard said Chris went to Panama and got diarrhea. Robin said they have no idea where it came from. Chris said it could have been from all of the fucking. He said that one of the other things about the videos was that he got upset when he heard Howard asking if he fucks him when he has diarrhea. He said that he didn't like that at all. Howard said he wishes he cold ask his boyfriend. He said that the diarrhea cold be used as a lubricant. He said he might be turned off by the smell. Chris said if course he's turned off by it. He said his boyfriend said all they talk about is his diarrhea. He did his impression of him talking about that.
Howard asked if they really did break up. Chris said they did. He said he was leaving and crying and he told him this is how it should be. He said they were fine until he saw a video of him talking about that trip and the diarrhea. He said he was very upset with him and he told him he can't stop doing his job. He said he loves his voice and loves his accent. He said he wants to be with him.
Howard said he was there for one week and broke up twice. Chris said it was the aftermath of the trip. He said they have hours and hours of conversation about the show and the culture up there. He said that he'll pull up horrible web sites with pictures of him and they say he's dying of AIDS and things like that. He said his boyfriend will ask what's wrong. He said he's never dated anyone with this kind of attention. He said he understands it.
Howard said relationships are so weird. He said yesterday Beth told him they got a guinea pig to take care of. He said that people are such dicks. He said Beth got this thing because ea woman said that she was walking by the garbage on the street and someone had put this guinea pig in a shoe box and threw it on the garbage pile. He said it was to be taken out with the garbage. He said the woman didn't know what to do. Someone contacted Beth about it and Beth took it in. He said next thing he knows he's buying a guinea pig cage. He said he named it Leslie and Beth thought that was great. He said that Leslie can be a boy or a girl. He said what a name for a guinea pig. Chris said it's cute. Howard said they got Leslie and they put up a feast for this thing. He said they love lettuce, carrots and things like that. He said they loaded that cage up for Leslie. He said a lot of people want this thing.
Robin asked if Richard wants it. Howard said he's not giving it to Richard. He said he's attached to the thing now. He said he's wrapped up in this thing so much right now. He said it's crazy. He said this little fucker is cute. He said you have to see Leslie. He said go on Beth's Instagram and see that.
Howard said that people were writing in about the kind of lettuce they had and all of that. He said they're not doing anything.
Richard got on and said they took care of their guinea pigs like they were their kids. He said they had a cage that took up half of their living room. He said they're the best pets. Richard said Leslie is gorgeous. He said she looks like Taco. She said they're going to love having it. Howard said he's got 57 cats there. He said they're not keeping it. He said they just took in Grogu the cat and now they have 7 of their own cats. He said this Grogu was terribly abused but now he's happy as shit and he's up to 8 pounds. He said he's happy playing with Yoda. He said that Beth asked if they're going to give him away. Howard said that's what they do. He said he agreed to keep the cat. He said he's not sure what he can do.
Robin said he'll be up there with more cats. Howard said he's afraid to go upstairs after the show every day. Chris joked that they'll have a turtle. Howard said they have had turtles. He said one family had one jump out a window in an apartment. He said that he named his house ''Howard's Ark.'' He said he has so many animals in there. He said God told him to collect two of everything and he'll put them on a boat.
Howard said it doesn't sound like things are going well with Chris and his boyfriend. He said sometimes people do that to keep a spark going. He said he knows something about this. He said this isn't cultural differences. He said Chris is on the radio and it's funny when he tells a story. He said that most people don't have radio shows but they have podcasts. He said on radio people hear about shit and everyone is sensitive.
Chris said that he talked to his boyfriend about making the mistake about saying he was from Columbia. He said he's from Panama. He said that they talked through that. Howard said now the issue is that he got diarrhea. He said he has to get over that. Chris said that he used to have a lot of bouts with diarrhea when he was growing up. He said that he was traumatized being called the F-word. Howard said he would have shit his pants if people did that to him too.
Chris said that his boyfriend told him that he thinks he gave Howard a script because he's so quick. He said he had to explain this to him.
Chris said they should release a video of him yelling at him. Howard said go ahead. Chris went off on him and Howard apologized. He said he'll never do that Dracula voice again. He said now he understands. Chris said never bully him again. Howard agreed not to. He said that he was wrong about all of this. Howard said now they can put that video out.
Howard said Jason thinks that Chris won't last with this guy. Howard said he's not sure about that. Jason said he and Chris share a love for this show 90 Day Fiancee. He said this relationship is like that show for him right now. He said that if one of the dudes on the show did this Chris would be throwing shit at the TV. He said he just worries. Chris said he wasn't happy that he mentioned this stuff either. He said he has to put this in the video as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this guy is a doctor and he can't afford his own apartment. Chris said that's not true. He said he has one. He said he was still living in the other one. Howard said in today's financial situation the money thing might be an issue. Chris said he was an oncologist before and now he's doing a new discipline. Howard said a lot of people can't afford to move. Chris said he's in the process of doing so. He said he can't comment on that situation. Howard said Chris has been lectured too many times. Chris said he doesn't know a lot about it and he doesn't want to know.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Chris got left at the altar. He said that this guy doesn't want anything to do with it. He said that they have to see that he is embedded with his ex. He said it's plain to see and Chris can't see it. Howard said love is blind but he's not the first to say that. He said a lot of people think that he's still with the Ex. Chris said he's not there. Howard said Chris is putting love pictures all over the place and it would all come caving in on him if he was living with someone. Chris said he was very insistent with that. He said he was happy he was talking about him on the air. He said that he thought that he was having all of these fans coming over to him but he's not anymore. He said he didn't know that all of this tuff upset him. The caller said that Columbia is better than Panama. Chris said how dare you! He told the guy he's so wrong.
Howard did his Dracula voice for the boyfriend. Robin said she thought he wasn't going to do that anymore. Howard said that was just for he tape he's sending the boyfriend. He said he doesn't give a shit.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if a doctor in Panama is like a pharmacist in the United States. Chris said not at all. He said he sees what goes on in the hospitals and the health care down there is actually pretty good. He said they have great water and a great canal too.
Howard did the Dracula voice for the boyfriend again. Robin was even doing it. Howard asked if Chris is going to see the boyfriend again soon. Chris said he'd like to but he has to wait for his schedule to come out. He said he misses him. He said he was watching that Get Back special and he saw someone hugging and it gave him a pang in his heart. He said that he loves that kind of stuff. Howard said he hopes that it works out for them. He said a long distance relationship is hard.
Howard did more of his Dracula voice and said that a lot of people come to this country to be doctors and do very well. He said Chris is on track again. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said this is a rough mix of the song. He said it's from a box set. Howard said they're a great band. He said they were The New Yardbirds at one point. Robin said thank god they changed their name.
Robin said that she was having the greatest time listening to the Beatles play on the rooftop in the special. Howard said he's ready to sing along with this song. He said he wanted to hear ''Way down inside...'' He let the song go for a little longer.
Howard said enough of this. He faded that down. Robin said it's embarrassing to sing and they let their inhibitions down to sing. Howard said he asked Tony Bennett if it was ever considered douchy to be a singer. He said no but he figured that being a singer could go horribly wrong. He said that you can be a real douche.
Howard said he was feeling bad for Tiffany the singer. He said she had a rough night. He said she still goes out and does shows. He said the poor girl had one song that was a hit. He said she sang ''I Think We're Alone Now'' and that was a Tommy James song. He said Tommy looked like Robert Plant when he was young. He said what a great song Crimson and Clover was too.
Howard said Tiffany went out and did this song and she had a bad night. He said she was singing ''I Think We're Alone Now'' and he thinks he believes her saying that she had a bad night. He said he has the article there somewhere. He read the article about her not being able to hit the notes in her song. He said people were heckling her. He had the audio of that. Robin said they came to see her and then they turn on you. Howard said think about the fans. He said it's a pandemic and you risk your life going out to see someone. He said when she hits it you had better hit those nots. He said imagine getting COVID going out to see Tiffany.
Howard played the clip and Tiffany was having a really bad time trying to hit the notes. Howard said he digs the guitar player not stopping. He said Tiffany was telling fans ''fuck you'' and the fans got upset about that. He said she had to get on social media to apologize. He said he watched every minute of this. He said Beth kept feeding him the videos. He said that she said she had a really bad night and she can sing the song. He said she was even singing in the apology. He said he's going to back her up because in September of this year she was able to sing the song. He played some audio of that and said it sounds like she was on key there.
Howard said the apology was that she shouldn't have said ''fuck you'' to you guys. He said she had a bad night and she said she should have canceled the whole show. He said she did the show and her voice was shot. Robin said she should have explained that at the show. Howard said she's like Chris Wilding not explaining himself very well.
Howard said Tommy James had a lot of hits. He went through a bunch of the songs that were hits for him. He played a few and sang along a bit. He said he can play ''Hanky Panky.'' He listened to some of that. He said he tried to make hit songs but he wasn't able to do it. Robin said he had too many words.
Howard said he watches TV while he's eating breakfast. He said he thinks a lot of things he does annoy Beth. He said he's watching Rachel Maddow and she starts talking about the assholes in this country and he starts yelling at the TV. He said he didn't know how vocal he was. He said Beth said that he sounds like he's having a nightmare over there. He said that he must have annoyed her. He said that if she watched the news she'd be with him. He said that we're fucked if you see what's happening out there. He said there's so many lies out there and she'd be moaning too. He said Beth said he sounds ridiculous and maybe he should stop watching the news. He said it got into a whole thing. He said he thinks he annoyed her.
Howard said the Moderna guy says that this Omicron could be an issues for the vaccine. Robin said the Pfizer guy said the opposite. Howard said he's not sure what to think. He said he's just trying to engage with Beth and she gets upset.
Howard said that COVID-19 is still plaguing us. He said they have to stop giving people health care benefits if they don't get vaccinated. He said that's what they should stop doing. Howard said so many people have lost their minds. He said you ask them to wear a mask and they go nuts. He had a montage of people going crazy over the mask wearing thing.
Howard said they're all assholes. He said they were comparing it to the holocaust. He said they should only be part of one. He said they just have to wear a fucking mask. Robin said it occurred to her the other day that these people do nothing and they think they're being controlled.
Howard said over in Israel they crowned a holocaust survivor as Miss Survivor. He said she's 93 years old. He said she's happy but how about the 399 other people who didn't become Miss Survivor. He said that's another horror. He said imagine you survive and you live that long and then they have a contest and you lose. He said you're told you're not hot enough to win.
Robin said here has to be some other way to win than put them through a beauty pageant. Howard said Mel Gibson called it the Miss Liar pageant. He said he doesn't believe there was a holocaust. He said they're going to have a 9/11 butterface contest. Robin said how about a Dog Face contest. Howard said imagine you survive the holocaust and now they're not cutting it in the Miss Holocaust Survivor contest. He said life's a bitch. He said they would all be winners if it was his contest.
Howard said getting back to 2021 we're still battling COVID. He said some idiots thought that the election was rigged and they stormed the capitol. He said they're all traitors. He said they're a bunch of fucking nincompoops. He said most newscasters can't say ''inciting an insurrection'' so this is a montage of people struggling with the word insurrection and saying ''erection'' instead.
Howard said Chuck Schumer and Anderson Cooper were the first two voices in that. He said they're friends of the show.
Howard said he had trouble with his erection yesterday. He said he was jerking off to porn and nothing came out. He said that he could tell that nothing was going to come out. He said he used to be able to shoot stuff out 5 times a day. Robin said he used it up. Howard said he read an article about how you have to cum at least 21 times a month to avoid prostate cancer. He said when you're young that's no problem. He said that he and Beth bang but she's not going to do it every night. He said he gets maybe 12 times a month with her. He said he has to make up the other half himself. He said he wasn't particularly horny but he figured he'd do it. He said he has a regimen going. He said he went to YouPorn. He said you still have to write out the word and they won't let you save it on your iPhone. He said that you have to write the word ''fuck'' out too. He said it changes it to ''duck'' every time. He said he'll write something and it comes out ''ducked up'' instead of fucked up. He said it's just so silly.
Howard said he went on YouPorn and went to check out the ''fantasy'' category. He said it's like cartoon porn. He said he's not going to beat off to a cartoon. He said that was never his thing. He said he went to massage and saw two gals massaging each other. He said this one didn't have a story. He said that might be why he wasn't able to get off. He said he wants to see a story. He said they could have had the girl saying she had never been touched before and the other girl massages her and there's some story there. He said he needs a seduction. He said this girl is just there up front. He said this girl comes in like a pro and whips off that top. He said the most beautiful women are in lesbian porn. He said they're good looking people. He said it's grade A women.
Howard said this woman is laying down and the masseuse walks in and she's wearing a silky robe. He said she sits on her legs and starts rubbing the woman's legs. He said it's like there was no script at all. He said he was so bummed out. He said then this woman starts rubbing the girl's vagina and then you can see her get up and she's showing her asshole. He said this asshole looked like she still had doody in it. He said it was so brown back there that he gets why they bleach it back there. He said it ruined it for him. He said it was too graphic for him. Robin said no wonder his penis revolted. Howard said he just gave up. Howard said this girl's asshole was not good for a close up.
Howard said that he loves when there's a story there. He said he saw one that was so contrived. He said the guy was there and the step sister comes in and no one is home and she blackmails the guy to fuck her. He said he just needs a story. He said he loves the realtor porn too. He said he watches that. He told another story about a woman who had her titties out and this guy comes in and she wants to sell the house so bad that she blows and fucks the guy.
Howard said he has a favorite lesbian porn where this older woman who's probably only 29, comes in and tells this woman to just eat her pussy when she comes in for a job interview. He said she gets eaten out and then she tells her to serve her a breakfast. Robin said she's not sure what this means to him as a human being. Robin said that he has to open up about this stuff to his therapist. Howard said he's not telling him about this stuff. He said if he wants to hear about it then he has to listen to the show.
Howard said JD told him about a porn he watched where this girl had toilet paper stuck in her ass. JD said he's not sure where it was but it was not pretty. Howard said he has a game here for Robin. He said it's the topical porn game. He said online they have topical porn and they have guys out there who jerk off to current news events. He said Robin has to guess if they can find porn based on things like the border crisis. Robin said she thinks that there must be porn about that. She said she would think here is. Howard said she's right. He played some porn based on the border crisis. They had actors playing a border patrol officer and a woman playing an immigrant. Howard said if you're willing o suck a dick to get into America then you're an American to him.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks there's porn based on the green new deal. Robin said she's not sure about that. She said she thinks there is. Howard said she's right. He played a clip where fake Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wanted Trump to support her bill and he had other things on his mind. Howard played the clip and they were acting out this thing where Trump said she had to get face fucked. Then you hear her gagging on his dick. Fred played a clip of Curly from the Three Stooges making a similar sound to what the girl was making.
Howard said Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is hot. He said she should try this. He said he bets this bill would pass if she did.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Greta Thunberg. She was upset that they were playing this stuff as a joke when this is serious stuff. Howard said he didn't make the porn. He said she says the opposite of whatever he says. He would say yes and Greta would say no. He had her so confused that she was saying yes when he said yes. Howard closed the door on her.
Howard asked if there's porn based on the Gabby Petito story. Robin said she would say yes there is. Howard said she's wrong this time. He said there is nothing.
Howard asked if there's Coronavirus porn. Robin said she would think so. Howard said she's right. He said this is Dr. Fauci showing up to a woman's house to make sure she's quarantining and she blows him. Howard played the clip. Howard asked who would want to jerk off to this. He said he's not sure.
Howard said how about Jeff Bezos porn. Robin said she would say of course. Howard said she's right. He said there is porn where Jeff Bezos is in his office auditioning women to go into space. Howard played the clip where fake Jeff was interviewing a woman about going into space.
Howard said he's not sure why they can't get good sound in porn. He said it's so cheaply done. He said the next girl comes in and blows him and fucks him. He said they're watching rocket videos while they're doing that. He played that clip next.
Howard asked if there's Critical Race Theory porn. Robin said yes but she was wrong. Howard said how about Karen porn. Robin said yes to that too. Howard said she's right. He had some audio of a fake ''Karen'' complaining about this guy to his face after knocking on his door. Then she goes into his apartment and they end up fucking.
Howard said he's not beating off to any of this. He asked Robin if she thinks there's porn on the New York city Mayoral race. Robin said yes but there was none. Howard asked if there's porn based on Britney Spears conservatorship. Robin said yes. Howard said there is. He played some audio from that porn.
Howard said they should ban current event porn. He said he doesn't like it. Robin said it's very poor quality. She said it leaves you wanting.
Howard said he thinks he played the insurrection audio clips. He said he has to move on with the year in review. He said it's getting late.
Howard said they incorporated a lot of people knocking on the door this year. He said people like Greta Thunberg. He said they had a debate between fake Donald Trump and Arnold Schwarzenegger. He said they ended up hurling insults at each other. Howard played some audio from that day when they were banging their cocks on their microphones.
Howard said some of the impressions are getting too good. He said the Alex Jones puppet was mistakenly quoted in The Daily Mail. He said that the real Alex Jones got pissed off about that. Howard said the puppet was only slightly exaggerating what the real Alex said. He said he has a clip where they compared the two. It wasn't that far off when they played the real and fake Alex's comments. Howard said he thinks our guy was too sane. He said if their guy replaced the real one no one would notice.
Howard said that they do Cocktober every year now too. He said they had a segment called Stupid Penis Tricks this year. He said it was pretty cool. He played some audio from that segment where people were doing tricks with their penises.
Howard said they had a lot of fun with that. He said Sal and Richard did a synchronized urinating. He said Sal choked and Richard was the one pissing. He said they rehearsed for days and Sal couldn't perform. He said it was the biggest disappointment. He played some audio from that segment where Sal failed.
Howard said that was really weird. Robin said after the show he did it and it worked. Howard said there were a bunch of things. He said Jason lost 78 pounds, Ronnie moved, two guys got engaged and Sal talked about communicating with animals this year. Howard played some audio of Sal talking about communicating with a squirrel.
Howard said imagine if Sal went to a zoo. He said they'd drag him out in a straight jacket. He said Sal also admitted to jerking off in a plane bathroom and he also got dumped by his doctor for asking her to check his balls.
Howard said Ronnie told a story about getting a bloody nose when he went down on a woman. Howard said Richard told them a story about how he had a toilet seat in his van and they would shit in that and the shit would drop out the floor of the van. Howard played some audio from that day.
Howard said that is really gross. Robin said he never ceases to impress. She said he always comes up with something better than the last story.
Howard said they also had a lot of fighting on the show. He said Ronnie and Apples was one constant battle. He said any call from Apples sets Ronnie off. He played a montage of Ronnie going off on Apples calling him names.
Howard said that all started over nothing. He said Apples called in asking about the cereal he saw on their counter and Ronnie got upset about that saying that he was accusing Stephanie of trying to be like Beth. He said if you want to get to Ronnie just tell him you're trying to be Howard. He said he learned that lesson from Apples.
Howard said they had some Wack Pack moments from the year. He said High Pitch Erik called in as Low Pitch Erik. He said it was a very big highlight from the year. He played some audio of Erik doing both of those voices and talking about how he wanted to fuck Donnie Wahlberg and Jenny McCarthy.
Howard said Ass Napkin Ed reemerged on the show this year. He said it was a comeback in 2021. He said they found out that Chris Wilding does a spot on impression of Ed. He said they had Chris and Ed talk to each other as Ass Napkin Chris and Ass Napkin Ed. He played some audio of them talking to each other.
Howard said Ass Napkin Ed made a big comeback this year. He said it was a rough year for Wendy the Slow Adult. He said she lived in a car with her mother for part of the year. He said they learned that Cracker Barrel lets you stay in their parking lot. Howard said they finally moved into their house and Wendy thought the house was haunted by her dead dad. Howard played some audio of Wendy talking about that with Wolfie.
Howard said he worries about her health too. She was coughing at the end of that clip. She was talking about seeing this ghost in her house and her cat can see him too.
Howard said that he has a list of the things he talked about hating this year. He said he's even shocked by some of them. Howard played the clip where they had him talking about everything he hates. It went on and on throughout the year.
Howard said he thinks he hates his hate list. He said there were a lot of things he hated in 2021. He said he loves Metamucil, Beth, Robin and his bed. He said of course his kids too. Robin said that goes without saying.
Howard said his therapist told him that Hitler didn't even hate as much as he does. He said he doesn't hate his staff but he does get annoyed by them. He said that he did get annoyed this year. He played another montage of him getting annoyed with Gary, Benjy, JD, Ralph, Sal and everyone.
Robin said he does get annoyed by a lot of things. Howard said Robin sounds like his wife now. He said she says he's so negative. He said he doesn't even realize he's doing it. Robin said Howard will make fun of something that his father does and she wonders if he does the same thing. Howard said he does realize that. He said he's caught in a loop. He said Gary was half of his annoying list. Robin said that's true. Howard said he feels bad for Gary so he doesn't point out everything he does. He said he had to stop. He said sometimes he does bite his tongue sometimes. He said he hates getting annoyed.
Howard said in 2021 they had some great musical performances. He went down a list of some of them. He played some of Metallica performing with Miley Cyrus. He played some Ed Sheeran, Chris Martin, Foo Fighters and Brandi Carlile.
Howard said what a voice on that woman Brandi. Robin said that she's from heaven. She said she thinks there is a heaven now. Howard said he's not sure how she makes that sound. He said that's why he wants to stay on this planet. He said it makes him want to live.
Andi thanked Howard for the Metamucil suggestion. She said it works great for her. Howard said he has beautiful movements from using it. He said it's him and Andi. Andi asked what kind of advice Howard has for America's Got Talent. Howard said he's getting the feeling that she has a loser mentality. He said she's talking about not getting her started with people out in L.A. and now she's wondering about the America's Got Talent thing. Andi said she's just wondering about the time line for America's Got Talent. She said that she was going to send them a tape too. Howard said he'll tell her the truth if she sends them a tape. He said he's not going to lie to her.
Andi said that the casting director did get back to her about doing the show. She said she's not sure about the result. Howard asked when she sent the tape. Andi said about a month ago. Howard said he would have no idea how they select over there. He said he sat there and they had producers who brought people out. He said he's not sure how long it takes. He said they do get a lot of tapes. He said that it's a good sign if they contacted her.
Howard said most people give up if they tell them that they're not accepted. He said that they will go off and get a job or something. He said that he's been told he sucks on radio. He said he was told that yesterday. He said he never takes no for an answer. He said he believed in himself. He said he'd hate to evaluate her tape and make her give up her work. Andi said she has won some awards out in L.A. and things. Howard asked how old she is. Andi said she's bipolar and she's trying to put an end to the stigma that goes along with that. She said that she thought it would be good to get it out here. She said she's 67 like Howard is. Howard said he's not 67. He said he's not sure what show she's listening to. He said Rodney made it late in life but he was in his 40s. He said 67 is up there. He said she sounds right for America's Got Talent. He said between Heidi and Simon she'll be a hit because they're experts on comedy.
Howard said he's not sure that a 67 year old woman can make it big. Robin said how about Clara Peller who made it big when she was in her 80s with that Wendy's commercial.
Andi said that she's not sure how to email them. Howard said he can give her an address off the air. Andi said she's not a headliner but she features for local talent and stuff. She said she's actually very dirty. She told some jokes to Howard about sexual harassment. Howard said he likes her style. He said she's pretty funny actually. Andi told another joke and both Howard and Robin said she's good. Howard said he's not sure why she hasn't made it.
Howard took a call from Mildred (Chris Wilding) who had some jokes for America's Got Talent herself. She told some knock-knock jokes.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that broad sounded hot. Andi thanked him for that. The caller said he didn't have much more to say. Howard hung up on him.
Howard said he'll put Andi on hold but he's not sure he even wants to watch her tape. He said he can't tell her it's not good. Andi said it's alright. She said she was in sales for 30 years so she can take it.
Howard put Andi on hold. He said he's worried something is wrong. He said she was out in L.A. and he assumes she was doing it for years and years. He doesn't want to break her heart. Robin said this could be the big break through comedian they've been looking for. Howard said he'll do it but he's not sure he wants to break her spirit. He said he might have to send it to Jerry Seinfeld and have him take care of it.
Howard said he's going to tell her that he sent the tape to Jimmy Kimmel and have her call him about it instead. He said that way he won't have to worry about it. He said he doesn't want to break any hearts. He said comedy is hard. He said it's really hard to do that stuff. He said even if she is a genius he doesn't want to deal with that either. He said he doesn't need that in his life. He said that he will watch the tape though. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Howard said they did that song in a recording studio in L.A. and one of the guys recorded Nine Inch Nails and Rob just told him to sing. He said it was pretty bad. He said he was a disappointment. He said as hard as he tried it wasn't very good. He said he can't believe this is their theme song. He said he blew his voice out trying to sing the song. He said it was his own nightmare or the real Great American Nightmare.
Howard said that he found out about the opening of the song and how it's a mistake. He said the fans care about it though. He said he was going to get rid of that opening noise but they want him to keep it. He said they realized it's Paul Giamatti saying ''Hell'' and he wanted to edit it out. He said the fans have spoken and they want it in.
Howard read some feedback about the sound and some people look for it as the show is starting. He had people asking him to keep it in because it's part of the show now. He went through comment after comment about how people want it in.
Howard said he was a production director and he could have had that removed. He said any decent person with a work ethic would have removed that noise. He said it's not part of the song. Howard went through more comments and people really want it left in. Someone said it's a happy accident. Robin asked why Rob never pointed it out. Howard said Rob thinks they're nuts.
Howard said some listeners were attacking him about being overly neurotic about it. He said he's not sure why he bothers. He said his alarm went off this morning and he was wondering why he keeps doing this. He said listen to how nasty this is. He read through comments about what he said yesterday about the sound. He said people were saying he should go back to his shrink every day. Someone said that they will go on a rampage if they remove the sound. Howard said that's not being overly neurotic. He read more comments and people were saying that they think the sound should be left in. Howard said it's not supposed to be there though. He said it's lazy editing. He said that's what he hears.
Robin said that would be like someone smearing something on the Mona Lisa and people saying it should be left on there. She said you don't leave it there because that's not what Divinci did. Howard said that he was attacked over that.
Howard said people who say they're pro-life don't really care. He said they don't donate to any charity that takes care of children. He said they don't want the government taking care of the unwanted children either. He said they're anti spending by the government to help children. He said all they care about is some paranoid thing about going to heaven. Robin said it's all about going to heaven and it has nothing to do with the children. Howard said the other sad truth is that wealthy people will be able to get an abortion but the poor women who can't afford it won't be able to. He said it's such a weird thing that they're all against taking care of children but they want the unwanted born. Howard said it's a disaster for society. He said now we have 3 eccentric religious kooks on the Supreme court and everyone is going to suffer again.
Howard said he talks to veterans who are for Trump. He said Biden just passed a bill that's going to help vets. He said they're going to build better health care facilities for the veterans. He said that the republicans have been talking about doing it for years but they never get it done. He said Biden finally got it done.
Howard said it's just so depressing with this abortion thing. He said they're probably going to overturn Roe Vs Wade. Robin said she's not sure about that. She said they have had some rulings that signal that they may not.
Howard said this Biden legislation is something he likes. He said it's going to help the veterans. Robin said today is the world AIDS day and they want to eradicate it by 2030. She said they're announcing that today. Howard said he sees these women screaming they don't want abortion it makes him mental. He said he doesn't get it.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Mitch McConnell who told him to calm down and get over his loss. He said that they lost with the supreme court thing. He said they wouldn't need abortion if women wore the right thing and didn't wear clothing showing off their bodies. Howard closed the door on Mitch a short time later.
Howard said CNN suspended Chris Cuomo and they have to be kidding with that. He said that Jeffrey Toobin was hired back. Robin said he was only suspended. Howard said that so many people are on TV who did things that aren't right. He said he's not sure what's going on.
Robin said you have to abide by the rules. Howard said as he's listening to her it reminded him that they're celebrating 40 years of being together. He said that they're playing a game with Gary today where they have to try to rememberer show history.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Chris Cuomo should not look up information for his brother. Howard said so what though. He said the rules are off. Robin said chaos does not work. SHE said that's what was going on with Trump.
Howard said he squeezed a blackhead out of his penis. He said you won't believe this. He said he felt like Dr. Pimple Popper. Robin asked where it was. Howard said it was at the base of his penis. He said it was on the top of his shaft. He said it wasn't on the tip. Mariann said that he could get an infection doing that. Howard said he didn't though. He said he squeezed it so hard that it popped out. He said it was hard and he threw it in the garbage and it made a noise. He said it was like 90 percent of his penis.
Howard said he felt good getting that thing out of there. He said he loves when pimples come out. He said he gets them once in a while but not that often. He said he used to squeeze them out of his father's back. He said it's the only time that his father took pride in him. He said he's not sure why he had so many on his back. He said he had like a farm growing on his back. He said he took a paper clip and pressed down on them and it was like a tool he made. He said he would press down on the blackhead and a spaghetti looking thing would come out. He said his dad was kind to him about that. He said he thanked him for helping.
Howard said he took pride that his father was proud of him for something even if it was for popping pimples. He said his aunt Sally used to do it for him. He said she lived in Brooklyn. He said that she lived in a Trump building and she hated that place. He said she was just beside herself. He said that his dad used to go to his aunt's house to get his pimples popped. He said he watched once and said he could do that. He said he popped some. He said he was there watching and figured he could do it. Howard said he learned a trade. He said he did it at home on his virgin flight. He said his mother called him in and someone needed him for once.
Mariann said doing that is a good deed. Howard said it was horrible and think about how horrible that is. Mariann said at least he didn't have to pop one on his penis.
Mariann asked if he watched Jazz last night. Howard said he does watch that show. He said he hasn't watched it yet but he is aware that she gained 100 pounds. He said she was kind of cute and she was looking good. He said they went through hell to get her a vagina and now she's obese. He said she eats a ton of food. He said he's upset about the whole thing. He said the Vagine was supposed to be the answer for her problems. Howard said she has the opportunity to use that vagine and no one will want to bang her now. Mariann said she went through all of that pain and now she can't use it. Howard said that she must have watched that channel and figured she had to come up with something new to do.
Howard said he's watching 1000 Pound Sisters too. Mariann said she is too. She said she watches 90 Day Fiancee too.
Howard said he and Beth watched 1000 Pound Sisters while they were on treadmills together. He said that's their exercise. He said if it's cold out they have that to use. He said why not if he's making good money.
Robin was trying to say something and Mariann kept talking over her. She kept bringing stuff up that Howard was going to try to talk about. He said that Jazz gained 100 but she's still the skinniest person on TLC. He said they have these 1000 pound sisters and the heaviest one is over 600 pounds. He said the fatsos in the family are all lecturing her on how to lose weight. He said it's the blind leading the blind. He said he almost gave up on the show. He said he's upset that this Tammy can't lose weight. He said that he gets upset watching the show. Robin said she's not sure why he watches if it upsets him. Howard said he loves the show.
Robin said he's yelling at the Bachelorette too. Howard said that show is so boring this season. He said he watches it though. He said he has to be a part of it.
Mariann said that Tammy is the heaviest one because she gets the most attention. She said it's mind blowing that people can get that heavy. Howard said he's watching a new show called ''Always Jane'' and that's another transsexual show. He said she's hot. He said she has the deep voice and Adam's apple though. He said that Jazz had better watch out. He said this new transsexual is coming.
Mariann asked if he watches ''My Big Fat Happy Life.'' Howard said he's no into happiness. He let Mariann go a short time later.
Howard said he saw the commercial for Jazz and her brother is going to date trans women. He said that should be good. He said they came up with a new shtick for the show. He said they have to be coming up with this stuff. He said they did 3 or 4 seasons and now they're making money and they have to come up with something new. He said they must sit down and wonder what they can do next. He said they have Jazz gain 100 pounds and the brother is going to date transsexuals. He said he's fascinated by the family. He said the parents are cool and they're very supportive of the kids.
Robin asked how Jazz gained so much weight. Howard said he's going to get serious now. He said there are people who are average. He said you get one shot on this planet. He said his mother thinks you get more than one and come back though. He said he's not sure why she thinks that. He said he had to listen to her misery yesterday but she thinks she's coming back to aggravate him some more. He said his mom thinks that people come back after studying eastern religions. He said she says that this is not it. He did his impression of her telling him this stuff. He said she told him that you have to behave yourself in this life time.
Howard said the thing is with the transsexual stuff is that some of these people at 3 years old start putting on women's clothes. He said their lives are torture. He said they just want to be the opposite of what they are. He said it doesn't matter to you what these people want to be. He said they suffer horribly. He said to be the outcast is very difficult. He said that he had suffering but not like some of these people. He said when you're dressing up like a woman when you used to be a boy then kids are going to fuck with you. He said he feels for these people. He said he loves watching them on TV. He said this ''Always Jane'' looks like a woman. He said she's very attractive. He said she has nice titties too. He said he doesn't know if they're real or implants. Robin asked what difference it makes. Howard said she's in a modeling competition and the former dudes look good. Robin said that's not the right thing to say. Howard said they were born male. He said he doesn't know what to say.
Howard said these shows are as good as The Sopranos to him. He said they got in bed and he said to Beth it was time to watch their show. He said that she lays down and she's exhausted from working with the cats and other pets they have in the house. He said it's like Noah's Ark in there. He said Beth lays down and within 2 seconds she wants to go to sleep so he has to turn the show off. He said he sees the show in like 5 minute increments. He said he was wide awake. He said he had to watch Hanna or Lucifer. He said he has so many shows but he can't review them all.
Robin said she loves that he watches action shows but then he watches people who can barely move. Howard said that's action too. He said they waddle but that's action. He said that's television. Howard said action isn't always someone shooting a gun.
Howard said TLC is the worst person. He said it's all about these people. He said as they're doing this show there's a show called ''Family by the Ton'' on TLC. He said they have fat people and transsexuals on that channel. He said this is a network that started out very high minded. He said they were called The Learning Channel. He said they have to get ratings though so they start doing other kinds of things to get ratings. He said it's like what he did with his radio show to get attention. He said TLC was going to teach science and math and things like that but that didn't get ratings. He talked about all of the things they were going to teach over there. He said 6 months go by and 2 people are watching it. He said the guy who invented it isn't even watching. He said the only person watching is Greta Thunberg and her friend. He said then they start getting the fat people and transsexuals.
Howard said he used to say that lesbians were the secret to ratings. He said he was one of the first guys to say bring me a transsexual. He said that they put that on the E! network. He said this goes way back.
Howard read about the shows on TLC and they have a show called ''Too Large'' and some other fat shows. He said they have Dr. Pimple Popper and Long Island Medium. He said they have the Little Johnstons too. He laughed as he read the list. He said he loves it all. He said when it was the Learning Channel he didn't watch.
Howard said they have a show called ''My Feet Are Killing Me'' and it's about people who have foot growths. He said this is the kind of stuff they have over there. He said he loves all of those shows. He said Robin makes fun of him but this stuff makes him feel better about his life. Robin said that's not the right way to think. She said he has to elevate his thinking. Howard said he tried that in his 40s but that was wasted time. He said this is elevated thinking now. He said he was in the gutter before.
Howard said the parents got together and sued his ass. He said it turns out the damages are that the followers are so cuckoo that they were harassing these people who lost their kids in this shooting. Howard said that they were able to prove that the fans were doing this. He said one woman said she wasn't able to visit her kid's grave because the fans were there at the cemetery. He said the whole story is baffling to him. He said he's not sure what happened in court but it's crazy. He said when he was defending the case in court he wasn't giving proper information or something. He said it was all very screwy.
Howard read some of the article from the NY Times about Alex Jones and this case. He said this is like the most important guy on the planet right now. He said he was called into the January 6th committee to testify. He said there's a lot of stuff going on. He said there's a family that had to move 6 times because of being harassed by these conspiracy theory people.
Howard said he has some audio of Alex talking about the case. He played that and Alex said it's not even his case and described it as having a dog nipping at his ankles or something like that. Howard said he also talked about his subpoena for the January 6th thing. He said this is McCarthyism. He played that clip too.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on. He said there's these lawsuits, subpoenas and all of that. He said then Alex went berserk on Gene Simmons for some reason. He said Gene was saying recently that people who don't take the vaccine are evil. He said that he did this on a podcast somewhere. He said he's not sure how Alex even found out about it. He said Alex went off on Gene after hearing that. Howard played some audio of Alex talking about what Gene said and said this is war. He said that all the leftists are going to be in their graves soon. He said that they won't infect their kids with this Frankenstein poison.
Howard said for the record Gene didn't even mention Alex's name. He said he was talking about an upcoming KISS Kruise. He played some audio of Gene talking about that. He said that you are not allowed to infect anyone just because of your political beliefs. He was saying that we have to identify these people and expose them. He said you are an enemy if you don't get vaccinated. Robin said they're not evil, they're stupid.
Howard said the guys were filling him in about Alex Jones and how so many people are after him. He said he has everyone coming after him. Robin said it couldn't happen to a better person. Howard said he had to get a whole briefing on Alex.
Howard said here we go. He answered a knock at the door and it was fake Alex Jones. Fake Alex was ranting about all of the stuff that they had just talked about. Howard said he wanted to let him explain himself. He said he's interested in what he has to say. Fake Alex went into his bat shit ramblings like the real Alex might do. He was plugging his wacky products and claiming he had a 270 IQ and things like that.
Howard said he wants to depose Alex. He said he wants to see how he outsmarts the lawyers. Alex told him to go ahead and do that. Howard would ask a question and Alex would just say ''I don't know'' slowly. Howard had Robin ask a question. Robin said they have audio of him from his broadcast talking about the Sandy Hook tragedy so how can he say he doesn't know what he said. Alex said he doesn't think they even talked about Sandy Hook on the show. Alex said he has tape from the show and pretended to play something that was saying right then. He kept answering that he doesn't know to the questions they were asking.
Howard said he noticed he gets very calm when he answers. Alex said that throws people off. Howard asked him for a real answer there. He asked if Sandy Hook is real. Alex reluctantly said yes.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Gene Simmons from KISS. Gene said he's not sure why he's coming after him. He said he's just telling people to get the vaccine. Alex went off on him again. The two of them went back and forth with insults.
Howard said he feels like he's in the middle of Godzilla vs. King Kong. He said who would have thought that Alex and Gene would be at war. Alex said they are at war. An alarm went off at Alex's studio and he said that means the prices are at a new low there in his store. He did a commercial or his products. Gene said he thinks that Alex does everything for financial gain. He said he wrote a book about it and it's available right now at KissOnline.com.
Howard said enough of the plugs. Alex did another one for his products. Then Gene got in a plug for more KISS stuff. Then it was Alex's turn to get in a plug. He did another commercial for InfoWars.com stuff. Gene got in another plug for KISS stuff. Gene and Alex were having a battle of commercials.
Howard had the guys wrap up their plugs. He wished them luck with everything and closed the door on them.
Howard asked how much fun that was. He said they're real performers. He went into a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along with the Black Crowes a little bit. He said he loves this band. He said he loves Chris Robinson. He said he told him a story about how the record executives didn't like his voice. He said they wanted him to change their sound and image but Chris stuck with it. He said he's a good guest too. He said he talks about everything. He said they're a good band and this is a good riff.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would agree that ''Satisfaction'' is the best guitar riff of all time. Howard said no. He said it's a great riff but not the greatest. He said people know he's an expert so that's why they call about this. He said he can name 5 greater riffs than that. He said he'll give him Jethro Tull ''Aqualung.'' He played some of that. He said then there's ''Kashmir'' by Led Zeppelin. He said that might be the greatest. Fred played some of that for him. Howard said that's better than Satisfaction. He said how about AC/DC ''Back in Black.'' Fred played some of that. Howard said that's a great one too. He said how about ''Sweet Child O' Mine'' by Guns N roses. He said that's another one. He said listen to this riff. Fred played that too.
Howard said he's naming them off the top of his head. He asked Steve Nowicki to come on and play something. Steve played a Van Halen riff. Howard said nice job. Steve played a few different riffs from their stuff. Robin said there are a ton of great riffs.
Howard said Paul McCartney's ''Let Me Roll It'' is a great riff too. He had Fred play that. He said you have to wait for that riff to come.
Steeve said that the Foo Fighters are always overlooked. He played a few of their great riffs. Howard said how about ''Money for Nothing'' by Dire Straits. Steve played some of that for him on his guitar. Howard said they ran out of shit after that. Howard said he loves that too. Fred played the song after Steve played the guitar riff.
Howard did some talk up for the song. He was doing it like he was at WNBC. Howard said enough of that. Steve said he forgets Leslie West too. He played some Mississippi Queen. Howard said how about ZZ Top. Steve played some ZZ Top. Howard said give it up for Steve Nowicki. Steve said he just noticed that the riff in Hot for Teacher is almost like La Grange by ZZ Top.
Robin said they forget Jimi Hendrix. Howard said he has more. Fred said that Satisfaction is a rip off of ''Nowhere to Run.'' Howard asked if Fred or Steve is better at guitar. Fred said Steve is good. Howard said Steve is blowing out riffs all over the place. He said he wants to see a guitar off with those two. Steve said he thinks Fred is better. He said he's flashier than Fred.
Howard asked Fred to play something. Fred said he doesn't have a guitar handy. Howard said he likes his glasses. He asked who makes them. Fred said he forgets. He said it's on the case. He said he'll have to send it to him later.
Howard said he and Robin are going to celebrate their 40th anniversary together. He said he forgot about being with Fred for 40 years. He said that they'll be celebrating with him and Robin today. He said the guys told him it's been 40 years.
Howard said how about Neil Young's Cinnamon Girl and Rage Against the Machines's ''Killing in the Name Of.'' Steve played some Rage. Howard said how about Day Tripper. He said that's a great riff. Robin said there are great riffs all over. Howard had Fred play some Day Tripper. Howard said there's a lot more but he thinks they need to move on.
Howard asked Steve to play something else. Steve played some AC/DC and other riffs. Howard thanked him for showing off over there.
Howard said the crazy thing they wouldn't have predicted back then. He said that John Hinckley is on YouTube playing his songs after shooting the president. Gary went through some history of the show and mentioned a bunch of stuff that happened. Gary said they've had an amazing career. He said the two of them seem to remember none of it though. He said they'll ask questions and they're going to be able to steal if the other person can't answer.
Howard and Gary were talking about Eddie Rabbit and how he died. Howard said he died in 1998 from lung cancer. He asked if Gary worries about it because he smoked. Gary said he hopes he won't but he does think about it. Howard said he smoked like a fiend but he wasn't smoking when he met Robin. Robin said she never saw him smoke. Howard said Gary used to hide in a closet to smoke. Gary said he didn't hide. He said that's where they smoked.
Howard asked who goes first. Gary said he has a song to play first. Howard played the intro song for the Howard and Robin 40th Anniversary Game. They introduced Gary in the song too.
Gary said Robin goes first. He asked when Howard got fired from WNBC in 1985 they took over at K-Rock so who was the morning man at K-Rock. Robin said it was Jay Thomas. She was right. Gary had some audio of Jay talking about Howard and how they can't use his studio.
Howard said he loves Jay and he gave him a job there. He said that he didn't want people in his studio at K-Rock. He said he never wanted to share a studio after he got famous enough. He said it was gross. He said he had no one touching any of his settings or anything like that. He said no offense to Jay but he wasn't letting anyone in there.
Gary asked if they ever figured out why they got fired from NBC. Howard said he knows why. He said Randy Baumgarten said that they heard him about to do bestiality dial-a-date and they didn't like that. Howard said it was all imaginary and no one was going to fuck a dog. He said they were all up in arms and said he can't do it. Howard said they told him not to do it and he went on the air and did it. He said it was stupid and they fired him. He said Randy told him not to do it and they did it. Howard said his agent was thrilled and walked in with some champagne when he got fired. He said he was right and it was the best thing that ever happened.
Gary said he has a question from Denise Oliver who introduced Howard and Robin. He had an audio clip where Denise said some nice things about their careers and then asked which comedian marched into WNBC to tell them to lay off and let Howard do his show. Howard said he has to thank Denise for hooking them up. He said they made magic right away. He said Denise had the best body out of every program director he ever worked with. He said Pat Evans had a nice body too. Gary said she passed away a couple of years ago. Howard said that comedian was David Brenner. Gary had Denise giving the answer as well. Howard said David was a great guy. He said he didn't have to do that. He said he didn't even tell him what he was doing. He said he went in and stuck up for him. He said he didn't have to do that. He said he stuck up for him and he really didn't have to do it. He said he used to invite him over to his townhouse like he was family. He said rest in peace David Brenner.
Howard said David shaved years off of his real age. He said one day he asked how old he really is and David said he's so old that he's embarrassed to say what that age even is. Howard asked what killed him. Gary said he doesn't remember. He said he thought it was old age. Howard said that could have been it. He said David also said he was going to die broke. Robin said she thinks he did that. She said he lived in life. Howard said he sure did.
Gary said the next question is for Robin. He said in 1986 the FCC had new restrictions. He said they had an FCC freedom rally. He asked who the actor was who yelled ''Fuck the FCC'' live on the air. Robin said it was Grandpa Al. Robin was right. Gary had a clip of Al yelling that line.
Howard said Al thought they were saying fuck on the air and it was all a mess. Robin said he may have thought he was talking to the people in the street. Gary said they weren't on the delay that day and the FCC wasn't happy about that.
Gary had a clip of Frank Flores from K-Rock talking about an out of body experience he had that he talked about on the air. He asked what the procedure was that he had when he had that experience. Howard said he remembers. He said he was having dick problems and he got circumcised as a grown man. He said he remembers that. He said Frank is the man. He said Frank went to work for a Latino radio station. Gary said now he's got an organic hair salon that he started with his daughter. He said he's semi-retired now. Howard asked how old he is now. Gary said he thinks he was close to 40 and that was in the early 90s. Howard asked if Robin ever wanted to fuck him. Robin said he was cute so sure. Howard said Frank was a great salesman. He said he was a hustler. He said he got that thing circumcised. Gary said it was the correct answer and he has a clip of Frank saying that.
Howard said these are easy. Gary said in 2004 they announced they were going to Sirius and they had 14 months left on the air. He said they didn't want them promoting Sirius so they asked them to say something else. Howard said he knows this. Robin said this is tough. Howard said it was ''Ehh, ehh, ehh.'' Howard was right.
Jon Hein said that Howard is in the lead 3-2. Gary asked Howard the next question which was about Private Parts. He asked what famous band member thought that Mary McCormack was Howard's real wife. Howard said he has to think about this. He said that he's not sure who that would be. He asked if he can call a friend. He said he's going to say it was Angus Young from AC/DC. Gary said that is not correct. He asked if Robin knows. Howard said maybe it was Ozzy. Robin said she's going to say Ozzy then. Gary said that is not correct. He said that it was Brian Johnson from AC/DC. He had some audio of Brian talking about how he made that mistake.
Howard said what's sad about that is that he thought she was his real wife too. He said he started to believe it. He said the best thing Mary ever did was walk out on the street with that fake pregnancy thing on her belly and smoke a cigarette. He said people yelled at her over that. Gary said before she knew she was going to be a star in the movie she said that she can't do that movie. She said she felt almost insulted that it was the only movie she could get. Howard said she was great in it too.
Howard said he read that Mary is the greatest actress that ever lived because she had to act like she was attracted to Howard Stern and she pulled it off. He said she had to go vomit a few times during the shooting of that movie. He said he didn't know anything about acting so he fell in love with her during the movie shoot. He said he still sees her to this day. He said she has 3 kids and a husband now. He said she had a boyfriend back then. Gary said Julia Louis Dreyfus tested for the movie and she didn't get it. Howard said that's not quite true. He didn't want to get into it. Howard said she was terrific. He said the truth is that she would have had the part but she had something going on in L.A. He said they gave it to Mary because she was so good. He said that's true that she did try out. He said he has some film of them doing scenes together. He said she's a lot shorter than he is too. He said he loved her and he thought they looked awkward together. He said Ivan told him they could get their height closer.
Howard asked Gary what they have next. Gary asked for the score. Jon said it's still 3-2 with Howard in the lead. Gary had a Mark Chernoff, K-Rock Program Director, clip where he asked Robin about participating in a charity event and Robin asked for 2 things that she wanted from him to do that. Howard said he remembers one thing. Robin said the big thing was Howard asking Mark to show his penis. Howard said he knows. He said he has this one. Robin said she can't remember. Howard said Mark was the Program Director but he didn't think he'd go very far. He said he went on to program WFAN after that and he became the General Manager there. He said he had an outstanding career. He said his son is a big deal in sports now. Gary said he's the GM of the Cleveland Indians. He said Mark just got inducted into the New York State Broadcasters Hal of Fame. Howard said he's never heard of that.
Howard said he asked Mark to show him his cock to do that event. He said he thought that would be funny. Gary said that it was bad or all of them. He said he had to be in the room at the time too so it wouldn't be weird for the rest of them. Howard said Mark showed him his dick and it was so wrong. He said Mark is a sweetheart of a guy too. He said it wasn't good. He said he felt bad. He said the other thing he made him do was even worse. He said he had a moustache so he made him shave it into a Hitler moustache and walk around for 24 hours like that. He said he did it and he felt so bad about that. Gary had Mark's answer and Howard was right about it all.
Howard said he forgot about the Hitler moustache thing. He said that's so wrong. He said he felt so bad for the dude. He said he had to stick around the whole day to watch him. Gary said he had to have meetings all day. Robin said she's not sure how he did it. She said it was so humiliating. Gary said he felt bad asking him to be part of this. He said he knew what they were going to ask him to talk about.
Howard asked Gary what he has next. Gary said they have a couple more questions. He said Howard is up next. He said Mark Coppola worked with them and this is from Mark. In the clip they had Mark asking what relative the brought on the air to talk to Howard and Robin. Howard said Mark is a DJ who has been working a long time. He said he's Francis Ford Coppola's nephew. He said he's trying to think about this and who it was that he brought in. He said it could be Talia Shire. He said that it could be Nicolas Cage too. He said that's his brother. He said he's not sure which one it was. He said it might be Nicolas Cage. He said this is tough. Gary said all three relatives have been on the show. Howard said he thinks it's Talia Shire. Howard was right. Gary had the audio of Mark talking about that day and how she got out of there and ran out of the studio before even going on the air. Gary said that he bummed her out talking about Mark's career. Gary said he's like on 4 stations now. He said he's still working a lot. Howard said he's taken over radio quietly. He said he liked Mark and working with him.
Howard said that was a tough one. Gary said they have another one. He asked Robin if she wants to try another one. Robin said sure. Howard said his thing with Mark is that it's tough to be a star in radio and he had that but his family had a bunch of successful people in it. He said he was around even more famous people. Howard said it's like someone who dies on an airplane crash but there's someone more famous on the plane. Gary said that's like when Farrah Fawcett died and then Michael Jackson died and no one remembered that she had died.
Gary said that he has a question from Tom Chiusano their old GM at K-Rock. He had some audio of Tom asking Robin how he broke his hand. Robin said he got into a fight with his suit. Howard said he beat up his suit in a closet. He said he got angry and punched it and he broke his hand. Gary had the answer from Tom. In the clip Tom talked about how he punched his suit and how his wife heard it and came around the corner and he just said ''not now.'' Howard said they goofed on him about that a lot. He said he got into a fight with his suit and lost.
Howard said his suit didn't break his hand. He said that he and Tom still email each other a couple of times a week. He said he hears from him all the time. He said his wife still does art so he hears from her too. Howard said Tom got cancer while they were working with him. He said they put him in the hospital with some kind of experimental drug and it worked. He said he had stage 4 cancer and he was basically a goner. Robin said they only had this trial for him left to try. Howard said there were 13 people in the trial and only Tom made it through. He said it only worked on Tom. Gary said that he's in his 12th year and he talks to people who are sick and he tries to guide them through it and give them moral support. Howard said he was a good looking guy too. He said all the girls wanted him.
Howard asked if Robin wanted to fuck him. Robin said he was gorgeous. She said he was like a model. Howard said even his wife was a hot flight attendant that he picked up on a flight. He said he was angry with him for being such a good looking guy. He said he figured he stole his face. Gary said Tom did something nice for them when they left K-Rock. He said he gave them all a watch to commemorate their time at K-Rock. Howard asked where his is. Gary said they all got one.
Howard asked if he won yet. Gary asked what the score is. Jon said it's 5-3. Gary said they have one more. He said they had Steve the engineer who was also Wood Yee. He said that he started at K-Rock in 1967. He said that he has a question from him. Steve asked Howard about throwing funerals for radio imitators and this one was for John Langan. He asked which performer played there and was inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame. Howard said he's laughing at hearing Steve's voice. He said he has to think about this one. He said a band played the funeral in Cleveland. Howard said he's not sure what this one is. Gary said it was a performer. Robin said she has the chance to steal one here. Howard said he has to come up with an answer. He said the lines got cut and so much was happening. He said the only guys he can think of is someone like Joe Walsh. He said he doesn't think he was in Cleveland with them though. Gary said he needs an answer. Howard said he remembers Jessica Hahn being there. He said he's going to say that it was Leslie West. Gary said that is incorrect. Robin said that it was David Lee Roth. Gary had the answer from Steve. He said it was David Lee Roth. Gary said he thinks he did Panama and some other songs. Howard said now he feels even worse. He said he didn't remember that. He said David hates him now. He said he's not sure even why. He said he feels he wronged him somehow. He said he wishes he could straighten that out. Gary said that they had the Roger Clinton band play that day too. Howard said that's funny. He said Roger is dead now too he thinks. Howard said David Lee Roth performed ''Just a Gigolo'' and ''Jump'' there. He said that's the sweetest thing a person could do. He said that's very nice. He said Gary is ruining his day with this game.
Gary said Roger Clinton is not dead. He said he's still with us. Howard said this is blowing his mind that David was there. He said that was a big deal and he has no memory of that. He said for him to do that is really nice. He said he thinks that he spent some time with David there by his house and he thought they had a nice night. He said maybe he's not as charming as he thinks he is. Gary said something happened but he's not sure what it was. He said he thought they got past the K-Rock stuff. He said there's something there and he's not sure what it is.
Howard said he's not sure what he did but David wants nothing to do with him. He said he's invited him on a few times. He said he just won't do the show. Robin said maybe he should call him personally. Howard said he doesn't want to do that. He said he's not sure what his beef is and maybe it's legitimate. Robin said maybe he wants to right the wrong. Howard said maybe not. He said he's sure he did something wrong. He said he doesn't want to get yelled at. Gary said gee, sorry, Happy Anniversary.
Howard said he's going to say that this bummed him out. He said hearing the stories really did bum him out. Gary said he didn't create this game. He said he just hosted it. Jon said the final score was 5-4 with Howard winning. Howard said he wants to turn his win over to Robin. He said he wants her to win. Robin said she doesn't need that. She said he wins. Howard said how about they never celebrate another anniversary on the show.
Gary had one more question to break this non-tie. He asked what city Robin walked out of a book signing in. Robin said she can't remember that. She said she thinks it was a city that begins with a C. Howard said he thinks that's right. Robin said she thinks it was Cleveland. Gary said she just won the game. Howard said she wins. Robin said Howard still won. Howard said her prize is that she finally gets to make love to him. He said get over there. He said she can watch TLC for hours in bed.
Gary said he has one more question just for fun. He said in 2008 they had a discussion about the number of women that Fred had slept with. He asked what that number is. Howard said he thought that Fred hadn't fucked anyone before Alison. He said he knows here was at least one other girl. He said she fucked Fred and went lesbian. Howard said that was the other one. He said he didn't tease him a lot about that because he values his life. Howard said he thinks there may have been one or two others. He said there must be at least 3 or 4. He said he's going with 4. Gary asked Robin for an answer. Robin said she thinks it's 4 as well. Gary said the answer was 7. Howard said that's a total bullshit answer. He asked to see 'em. Gary said he thinks that's what happened back then too. Howard asked him to swear on the life of Robin that's true. Fred said that is true and he swore on Robin's life. Fred said his first time he was 15 years old and it was on a double date with a friend of his. He said he was older than him and just before they got to the house the friend said that he had to say he was 18 and he played basketball for Yukon. He said she didn't want to date a 15 year old. Howard asked if she was freaked out by his uncircumcised hog. Fred said she was not. He said she seemed to be of European descent so she may have seen some before.
Fred said 7 women isn't something to brag about. Howard said that's not a lot but it shows a restrained man. He said that he didn't just sleep with anyone. Fred said he probably should have in retrospect. He said that he'd have more stories. Howard said he did that but you should see some of these people.
Howard said he still can't believe that Fred had 7. Fred said he can't either. He said he had women who came on to him and he didn't sleep with them. Howard said that's when he was convinced he was gay. Fred said in high school a girl came up to him and gave him a kiss on the mouth and he didn't take advantage of that because she was dating a guy who could kick the shit out of him.
Fred said that he's not including the women who blew him or gave him hand jobs in that 7. Howard asked Fred if he regrets not having more sex before getting married. Fred said he's probably better off not. He said at the time he cold have taken advantage of it was when AIDS was coming up. He said that could have been a bad thing so he's glad he kept it in his pants.
Howard said he's proud of Fred for that too. He said he admires him for keeping himself restrained. Fred said he grew up in a house with a lot of abuse so he's glad he did too.
Howard said what a great way to end the game. He said that's with AIDS and domestic abuse.
Howard said there was a woman who threw herself at Fred and he was jealous because this girl was a stunner. He said she had the body and face from heaven. He said Fred rejected every advance from her. He said he was even alone in a car with her and turned her down. Fred said he did because she was incredibly sweet and he would have felt bad if he had done something wrong. Howard said he thought Fred was gay back then because of that. He said he thought maybe he was racist. He said he could never figure it out. Robin said she would come back and tell her the times she spent with Fred and he'd play guitar and she was saying that he was dreamy. Robin said that he could have put down his guitar and done anything. Howard said she was a stunner. He said she was a 10. He said Fred seemed like Colton from The Bachelor. He said he would have fucked her so hard. He said as hard as he could get anyway. He said he would have given her his 3 inches of love.
Howard said what a walk down memory lane. Gary said that he wanted to say that Farrah Fawcett died on the same day that Michael Jackson died. He said he had to correct that.
Gary said they have a song to play to end the game. They played some of the song but Howard said he thought this song was so sappy that they weren't going to play it. He said he cringed when he heard it. He said never play this. Gary said he got a note saying to play it. Howard said just wait to hear the rest of this song. He said it's some sappy shit. He replayed it from the start. Howard said he's going to throw up. He cut it off and said it's terrible. He said he's not sure who wrote it. Howard said the guys claim that he put an X through the prank call and not the song. Howard said he made a mistake. He said this song is so cringy. He said this isn't the show.
Howard said the phony phone call is what they should have played. He said it was him and Robin doing something. Will said they have it up now if he wants to play it. Howard said that he'll play that. He said that song isn't for the show. Howard played the call where the guys called into a radio show with clips of Howard and Robin. In the call Howard finds Robin fucking someone else in the bedroom on their 40th wedding anniversary. It turns out to be Lenny Dykstra. They had clips of all of them mixed in. They had Howard yelling about how he hates him and Robin is making sexy noises. Then Howard attacks Lenny but Lenny beats the shit out of Howard and Howard starts moaning. The show cut them off and talked about how strange that was.
Howard said they finally got a good phone call and they wanted to re-record the show. Gary said happy anniversary and congratulated Robin on her win. Howard said that radio show deleted the whole show after that call. He said they're the only ones who have a copy now. He said Robin and Lenny sounded fantastic on that call. Robin said that is not reality. She said if they got together it would have to be on TLC.
Fred played some audio of Lenny making sexy talk. He had a bunch of clips of him talking to Robin. Howard said he really wants to please Robin. He said he thinks he'd devour her. Howard said he wants her to do it just to find out what happens. Robin said she can't oblige.
The caller thanked them for making this year an easier thing to get through. Howard said she would have slept with Fred. Fred asked where these women were when he was 18, 19 and 20.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he would have slept with Fred too. Howard asked what he can do for him. The caller said he just wanted to thank the because he came out to his family after Howard gave him the strength. He said Howard makes him laugh and his dark days are brighter. Howard asked how his family reacted when he came out. He asked how old he is. James said he's 30. He said one of his brothers just walked out of the room. He said his mother is a saint but she may not approve. Howard asked what that reaction was from his brother. James said his brother just walked out in disgust. He said his mother said she hopes he's kidding. He said it was not a good situation. He said the coming out stories are usually good but not this one. He said that he's still glad he did it though.
Howard asked if he lives in the house with these people. James said he was just visiting at the time. He said he's home now. Howard asked where his brother is. James said he's at his own house. He said they all have their lives and all. He said his brother just walked out in disgust and it was hurtful.
Howard said we live in a country where people want you to have a good life and some family members are just so fucked up. He asked who cares who you love. He said good for you. James said they weren't cruel. He said they were just shocked by it. Howard said he hopes he has a lot of friends and don't let these people get to him.
James said that Chris' stories are great. He said straight or gay no one goes to the Panama Canal when the water is brown. He said he just wanted to tell Chris that. He said he's gay and loves it but he won't go down there when someone has diarrhea. Howard said he's with him on that. James thanked them for everything and Howard let him go.
Howard said that he feels for that dude. He answered a knock at the door and it was fake Mitch McConnell again. Mitch asked him to get rid of that sissy on the phone. He said he's with his mother. He said it's shameful to act like that. He said act like a man and grow up. He said put a cock in his mouth so he doesn't have to hear him whine. He said just be gay and stop whining about it. Howard shut the door on Mitch.
Howard said what a walk down memory lane. Robin said happy 40th anniversary. Howard said the same to her. He thanked everyone who participated in the game for doing that too. He thanked everyone. Howard said they have Billie Eilish and Neil Young coming soon. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:05am.