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Howard said he got a hair cut. He said he showers at night. He said he can't get up and shower in the morning. He said he can't get up early to shower. He said he just wants to throw his clothes on and go to work. He said he showers before bed and gels his hair at night. He said when it stiffens it gets tight. He said he hopes at night he doesn't sweat too much. He said he pulls it out and hopes it looks okay. Robin said maybe he needs some sort of instrument for it. Howard said he doesn't care that much. He said he's not that good looking. He said his career doesn't depend on looking handsome. He said he does want to look good. He said he and Beth were doing a cat video and she put the camera on him when his hair was in the gel state. He said they were talking about this cat they have who is in terrible shape. He said he won't talk about that right now though.
Howard said his hair was super tight and Beth put the camera on him. He said he didn't want that. He said it's not a good look and it will disturb people. He said he doesn't think he gelled enough last night. He said he was sweating while sleeping so he had to change his clothes. Robin asked why that is. Howard said he might be dying. He said he feels like he's always dying. He said he gets up thinking that's what's going on.
Howard said he was walking with Beth the other day and thought he was getting dizzy just when he turned his head. He said the doctors tell him he's in good shape when he goes though.
Howard said he has OCD and he hates people who think they have it and it's really not OCD. He said it's a terrible affliction where you can't walk out of a room without tapping on a door 27 times. He said you have terrible omens that you think will happen to your family. He said he wasn't able to get into bed because he kept having to do things. He said he has horrible OCD. He said he has rituals upon rituals. Robin said she thought he was over it. Howard said he did too. He said he was on a role for a year or so. He said he thought he had beat it. He said he thinks he has to do this stuff to keep from horrible things happening to him. He said he has to talk to his shrink about it. He said he's out of control.
Howard said he has Sling TV on his iPhone and he had to tap on his phone to watch things. He said it's really hard to deal with.
Howard said he doesn't want to get into the specifics about what he thinks will happen if he doesn't do these things.
Howard read about what OCD really is and how people don't really have it when they claim they do. He said that he has it for real.
Howard said that isn't even an accurate description. He said it's even worse. He said it's exhausting having it. He said his shrink says he doesn't have OCD. He said if that's not OCD then he's not sure what it is. He said he has to touch his phone 27 times so horrible things won't happen. He said he has to do it in a certain way with his pinkie over the right hand side.
Howard said he just wants to get through life. Robin said they say that you can figure it out and figure out how to navigate it.
Howard said he has it if you go by what he's reading. He said what this is saying shows that he has it. He said it interferes with his normal life. Robin asked if he does these things in front of Beth. Howard said he has to keep it from her. He said he doesn't want her to see any weakness. Robin said she's not going to run. Howard said she would. He said she'd have to get away from him if she knew how bad it was.
Howard said he was all charged up with Beth. He said they went for a walk and she playfully smacked his penis. He said she said she could see it. He said she tapped it and then he got a boner. He said he was walking around with a boner out there. He said he told her to pull down her yoga pants so he could enter her. He said she didn't want to do it out there though. He said he was ready. He said she turns him on and he wants to present himself as the catch of the century. Howard said all the OCD goes out the window with that. He said he has to have it. He said he loves it. He said it's still important for him to put his penis inside someone. He said he needs that connection.
Howard said he does this weird thing in bed. He said if Beth touches his penis he tells her she can have anything she wants. He said she doesn't want anything. He said he gets charged up. He said he wants to buy her something. Robin said that's a crazy thing. She said that Beth is doing something fun or loving and he feels she has to be paid for it. Howard said that's right. He said she's touching his penis. He said it's cool when a girl will do something like that for free. He said he likes it. Howard said touch his penis and get a prize.
Howard said he likes this Pete Buttigieg guy. He said he saw him on TV the other day and he wants to give him a shout out. He said he's the secretary of Transportation now. He said he's very down to earth and very smart. He said he was talking about the supply shortage and the ports. He said the ports can't handle what's going on right now. He said our needs are growing. Robin said that they have a lot of ships waiting to be unloaded out in Los Angeles and they've been out there for months.
Howard said that he was so grateful that they have guys like Buttigieg there. He said he was reading about what was going on in Florida with kids who are vaccinated and how they have to stay home for a month because of unfounded claims that they can spread disease. He said that he loves Florida but he doesn't understand what's going on down there. He said the people he runs into there seem nice and normal. He said now they're turning the world into the bizarro world. He said the vaccinations are saving this country but now they want kids to stay home for a month. He said they think you can catch diseases from these kids who are vaccinated. He said he wants to hug Pete Buttigieg because he seems so normal.
Howard played some audio of Buttigieg talking about what's going on with the supplies out there and what's going on at the ports.
Howard said he heard that Buttigieg was getting his balls busted for taking time off for his family. He said that he even explained that correctly. He said he had thoughts on that and he was on all of this stuff. He said if it was him he'd be yelling ''fuck you'' and that he's into this job. He said this dude was really good and he took a month off for his kid. Robin said he didn't back up those ships because of paternity leave.
Howard said the guy is competent and they bust his balls. Robin said thank goodness he wants to do the job. Howard said he had to give him a shout out because of what he's doing. He said he thinks he'd be a good president too. He said he saw President Clinton was in the hospital. He said people don't want to be positive but he maintains that he was one of the best presidents ever. Robin said he was always able to break down an issue and explain why it was an issue. Howard said when it came to being president the guy was good. He said he was flawed but as a president he was good. He said he was empathic with people and you felt like someone was in charge of our democracy. Robin said people hated him for that. Howard said when someone is good you have to reward them. He said guys like Buttigieg have to be thanked. He said it's more and more depressing out there. He said in Florida it's depressing because they keep kids home for a month after getting vaccinated.
Howard said this school in Miami is making kids stay home for a month after each dose. He said they think that they can spread disease after getting the vaccination. He said they're so backwards that they think they can spread magnetism after being vaccinated. Howard said if you love your kid you have to get them out of there. He said that none of this has any basis in fact. He said officials there think they can infect unvaccinated students.
Howard said he's so confused. He said Dr. Agus was after him for going on baby aspirin. He said that he went on it a couple of times in his life. He said they say that it's good for the prevention of stroke because it's a blood thinner. He said that it's good for heart attacks too. He said that Dr. Agus was saying it can prevent cancer too. He said cancer is aggravated by aspirin. He said he wrote a book about it. He said he didn't want to do it but he went on it again and tried it out. He said he's been on it for about 5 months now. He said he was like ''fuck you cancer!'' He said he was like ''fuck you stroke'' too. He said then last week while they were off there's a report that comes out that says the FDA says do not take baby aspirin. He said they say it can cause more harm than good. Robin said it was for an age range over 65. Howard said he didn't know what to do. He said he had a text exchange with Dr. Agus sand he told him to keep taking it.
Howard said they say that most people should not be on low dose aspirin. He said he's not sure what to do. He said he's still taking it until he can figure out what's going on. He said he's not sure what to do. He said the vaccine is clear and he's not backing off of that. He said that school in Miami is just stupid. He said they must be teaching that the world is flat there too. He said it's weird what's going on out there. He said he's all confused.
Robin said you have to read the studies. She said you have to know who commissioned the studies and things like that. Howard said they say that this doesn't apply to people who are already on aspirin.
Howard said he saw that Jennifer Tilly was on with Andy Cohen and she's in this new Chucky series. He said that he learned about it from that. He said that he hates Chucky. He said he's such a little fuck. He asked how he came to life. Robin said some guy was electrocuted for a crime and his spirit jumped into the doll. Howard said Chucky was a serial killer and he got into the doll somehow. He said he must have seen some of this stuff. He said someone told him about how he beat someone to death with a yard stick in one of the movies. Howard said he's not sure who writes this stuff.
Howard said he's not watching that show. He said no offense to the people who put that show together. He said he loves Andy Cohen. He said he watched Real Housewives and they had reunion shows. He said Andy was doing an interrogation of Erika Jayne and he was busting her balls. He said he was asking her about she knew what her husband was up to. He said she has a real deep voice and he did an impression of that when he was talking about what she was saying to Andy.
Howard said he figured this was going to be good after seeing the commercial for it. He said that he tuned in and maybe they're just dragging his ass into the next reunion because they weren't busting her balls at all. He said what her husband was up to was horrible and people won't stand by her if she was involved and knew about it. He said that she was saying she had the worst year of her life and there are burn victims who can't afford medical treatments because of what her husband is accused of doing. Howard said the promo looked real good. He said he's a fan of those shows but Andy wasn't ripping her a new one. JD said there are three more episodes coming so it's coming. He said that he did say in this week's episodes that the first 20 minutes was about Erika's marriage. He said he's trusting Andy with this. Robin said she loves that he has faith. Howard said he might have to drag Andy on the show and tell him to get the job done.
Howard asked what the deal is with Paris Hilton's mom. He said she's out there. JD said he thinks she's just aloof. He said she might be playing it up a bit. Howard said he thinks she should get a full checkup from Dr. Agus. He said she should get it all done. He said she seems really out of it. JD said she is out there. Howard said maybe she has Alzheimer's or something. He said she's just out of it. He said she has no idea what the fuck is happening.
Howard said he's not sure how she got her money but she wasn't always rich. He said she has to have heard that ''honkey dory'' term before but she had no idea what it was.
JD said he heard Kyle and Kathy saying that their mom married well. Howard said Andy got all of those nutty gals together on those shows. He said he tried getting into some of the newer shows but he can't get into it. He said the Beverly Hills women are charming to watch. He said that it's a vomitus charm. He said he can't et into the Salt Lake housewives. Robin said she has seen that and she can get into it. She said she's trying to figure out a lot of what's going on there.
Howard said Andy has to get into it with Erika. He said that he wouldn't take more than 10 minutes to crack that woman. He said Andy has to come through. He said he's watching. He said he's watching and waiting. JD said it'll come. Robin said it would have made news if she revealed something. Howard said Andy has to dig deep. He said he has to do it. He said this is his defining moment. He said if he gets nothing out of it then it's going to be bad for him. He said that this is his Super Bowl. He said that's what his wife said about it. He said he thought they were going to see Andy rip her a new one. He said it didn't happen.
Howard said Lisa Rinna has to stop inflating her lips or she'll float away. He said he sees her daughters getting the same thing done and it blows his mind. He said he would look at that and not want to follow in her footsteps. He said he looked at his parents and didn't want to look anything like them. He said he had to erase the Stern in him. He said he didn't want to look anything like them. He said Lisa's kids must see what Lisa is going through and think that's the way to get attention. He said she looks like a duck but maybe that's the key to get on TV so that's how they do it.
Howard asked what else JD has to say. JD said he just thinks it's coming. Howard said they didn't get much in the first episode so Robin can skip that one.
Howard said that he was caught off guard with this book but he's enjoying it. Robin said that she was abused her whole life so that's why he's into it. Howard said he loves the book and people who have been abused. He said that she's winning him over. He said the book is very intelligent. He said that he's not sure when she's coming in. He said he has had guests who say they're coming in and never come in. He said that he's doing the Baba Booey and listening to books. He said he thinks he could get through more books if he listened to them while he paints. He said that he signed up for Audible and he's thinking of trying that. He said that painting is kind of repetitive so he thinks he can do that.
Howard said he was reading about the Superman comic and how now he has a kid and the kid is going to be bisexual. He said he sounds out of it but he doesn't read them anymore. He said Superman got married and named his kid Jonathan after his Earth father. He said his dad was a great guy. He said that this kid lucked out. He said Jonathan loved this kid. He said he remembers the old comics and how Jonathan was a great father to this kid. He said if he was Superman his father would have yelled at him for picking up his tractor and things like that.
Howard said his father wouldn't have taken in a kid like that. He said he would have told him to go up, up and away from there. He did his impression of his dad telling him to go away.
Howard said on TV they get wacky with the comic books. He said they try to emulate the real world in comic books. He said you see black people in them now. He said now they're trying to reflect sexuality and the kid is going to be bisexual. He said he thinks the kid is gay but whatever. He said that they're putting a little bit of the real world into the comics.
Howard said what's so great is that FOX News immediately calls up Dean Cain who played Superman on TV. He said they think he's really superman. He said that Dean is on FOX all the time because he's a conservative. Howard said you think about how absurd this is. He said the guy played Superman and as soon as he does something they call him to comment on it. He said he doesn't thinks he went to Harvard. He said that he just played the character on TV. He said he did it for 2 or 3 years. He said you know nothing else about him now. He said they don't call Ben Affleck to comment on Batman. He said Dean has plenty of time to comment on this stuff so they call him.
Howard did an impression of Dean's agent calling him to let him know that he has some ''work'' for him calling into FOX news to comment on Superman comic books. He has no other work for him but he can do that. He said it's better than being on the home shopping network. He said he might be able to get him on OAN too. He had Dean saying that he'll do it to spout some crazy shit about Superman.
Robin asked what Dean said. Howard said he has some audio. He played a clip of Dean Cain talking about how upset he is with the direction they're going in. Dean said that he thinks they're just band wagoning. He said they're not fighting the injustices in this world.
Howard said they kind of want to say ''fuck these gays'' but they're not quite getting there. He said thank god Dean doesn't write comic books. He said he'd have Superman over in Iran fighting injustices there. Robin said he's really into this stuff. She said he was talking about how Supergirl was gay and that's supposed to be his daughter.
Howard said he thinks it's kind of sweet that he got on FOX to talk about Superman. He said that would be like someone calling him to comment on someone in radio being gay.
Howard said Newsmax went all in on the Superman thing too. Robin said they're really scary over there. Howard said they were like ''fuck this'' and they were like FOX News if they drank 50,000 cups of coffee. Howard played a clip from Newsmax where the host was talking about Superman coming out as bisexual and how ''odd'' that is. Howard said imagine you're gay and people make fun if you and then Superman comes out as gay. He said then they have people like this making fun of it.
Howard asked if they know that he's not even real. Robin said they must not. Howard played more clips from Newsmax where they were commenting on the Superman thing.
Howard said it's cool they called the guy who played Superman 20 years ago to comment. He said that was nice. Robin said he wasn't even the best one. Howard said he enjoyed the show when he was on.
Howard said one of the big stars of old lady porn was Blue Iris. He said she was delightful on the show. He said she was very liberated. Howard had Chris do his impression of her and he was asking her questions.
Howard asked Sal about being into old lady porn. Fred played some real Blue Iris clips. Howard said he's going to have Chris do his thing next to Blue. Howard laughed as Chris did his thing. Chris had Howard and Robin cracking up.
Howard asked if he threw in her ''yeah'' during the phony phone call. Chris said he's doing both voices in that call. Howard asked how he pulled that off. Chris did his Ass Napkin Ed voice and had both of them. Chris said he plays the cop in the call too. Howard said well done. Chris said they have a very low budget for calls so that's why he had to do that.
Howard asked Sal about being into old lady porn. Sal said he did watch the Blue Iris stuff. Chris did his impression of her as they were talking about some of the stuff Sal had seen her do. Howard said he was making the analogy that Chris is like the Gardein (Fake meat) of impressions.
Howard said Sal is into old lady porn. Sal said he's into old lady orgies lately. Chris was still doing his Blue Iris voice and talking over him.
Howard asked Sal about some of the stuff he's seen in old lady orgies. Sal told him about some scenes he's seen. Sal said they will be playing cards or something at a table and a guy will come in and they make him seem like he's really hot and they start blowing him and stuff.
Howard asked why Sal is into that stuff so much. He asked if he was molested by an old lady or something. Sal said maybe. Howard said that explains it. He asked if an older woman blew him or something. Sal said yeah, at 9 or 10. Howard said now it's a fantasy. He said that's wild. Sal said he was terrified at the time. He said it wasn't good. He said he told his mom about it and she was blown away by it. Howard asked if she went after her. Sal said it was his mom's friend. He said he was in his pajamas and this woman came over to him and tickled him and said she wanted to see his wee-wee. He said no but she went ahead and played with it. He said she didn't blow him but she did mess with it. He said that his parents were out and this woman was watching him. Howard said he was alone with people and no one ever did anything to him.
Howard asked Blue Iris if she wants to watch Sal. Chris did his impression of her talking about what she'd do to Sal. Howard said he's sorry to hear about what Sal had to go through. Sal said here are videos called ''gummers'' where women take their false teeth out and gum the guys.
Howard asked Sal if that turns him on when he thinks about that woman. Sal said he thinks it goes back to that moment but it was traumatic so he's not sure why he'd be into that.
Howard had Fred do a montage of the real Blue Iris for a moment. He said he has Blue Iris talking dirty to people on Tissue Time. Chris said that's how he leaned to do that voice by listening to that show. Howard said they had that show on to help you masturbate to get to sleep. He said Blue did a couple of them. Howard had some clips to play where she was talking to listeners about what she'd do to them.
Howard said Blue is no longer with us by the way. He said he's not sure how old she was when she was hanging with them. Chris said he thinks she was just in her 60s but she had a much older voice. Sal said she would call into the show when she was in the hospital with urine stuck in her feet. Howard said he died at the age of 62. He said she must have been in her 50s when they met her. Robin said they must have thought she was in her 80s.
Howard said he should play the pony phone call before going to break. Chris said it is a Blue Iris voice but they call her Mildred in the call. Howard said he has to find the call. He said it's pretty long. He said this is Buddy and Mildred having sex. He said they call some raid show and this guy must be desperate for calls. He said this went on so long they had to cut it down. He said they were going to make it in two parts but they cut it down.
Howard played the call where Chris calls into this show as Buddy, who sounds kind of like Ass Napkin Ed. Then he introduces Mildred who sounds like Blue Iris. He did both voices and had them talking about having sex and having road head while driving. Then they crash and Mildred bites off Buddy's cock when they hit a bump. Then the cock shoots out of the car and a truck runs over the bitten off cock. The cops show up and the cop tells them to roll down the window and they hand the phone to the cop who asks the podcast host what happened. He explains it to the guy and then Mildred gets out of the car asking if she can suck the cop's cock. He goes for it and unzips his pants for her. Mildred sucks him off and the podcast host keeps them on the whole time. Mildred bit off the cop's cock and they drive off with it.
Howard said he likes that show. Chris said he does a good show. Robin said that guy will believe anything. Chris said he thinks he could still have him on the phone. Howard said Chris is like Tyler Perry playing every character.
Chris said that he liked how he asked them to call and ask the cops if they can have sex in a car. Howard said he liked how he played the Green Beret song at the end of his show. He said he liked how he said they did a good show that day. He said he did an exceptional show with the people biting off cocks and stealing a cop's cock to get it attached to the guy who lost his cock. Howard said he has to take a break.
Howard said there was nothing you could say to Blue Iris to insult her. Robin said she was fine with anything. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said he likes this song. He said he liked the singer from the band too. He said his name was Chris something. Gary said Barron. Howard said that's it. He said he was a fun guy to hang with. He said he was a sensitive guy. He said he likes sensitive guys. He said he's sensitive now that he does cat rescue. He said he rescued a worm over the weekend. He said he put him back in the dirt. He said it was in the road. Howard said Beth posted it on Instagram. He said sometimes it gets interest in the videos. He said he was trying to find two leaves to move the worm. He said the worm was wriggling around as he's trying to move it. He said it went completely mental. He said he wasn't able to move it with the leaves. He said Beth bends over and picks it up with her hands and puts it in the dirt. He said he looks like a douche. He said she just picked it up with her hands. He said he said that on camera. He said everyone writes about how cute it is that she's the man in the family. He said the kicker to the story was that her fingers were burning after picking up the worm. He said she washed her hands and they were fine.
Howard asked if there's something in worms that would cause that. Robin said she has no idea.
Howard said Chris Barron said that he wrote that song ''Little Miss Can't BE Wrong'' was about his step mom who told him that he'd be playing guitar for the rats in the basement of the school where he'd be working as a janitor. He said now the song has been played on radio like 3 million times. Howard said the reason he explained that song was because he was called misogynistic. He said it was about his step mom and not about every woman.
Howard asked what Gary was doing up there. Gary said he went in to check some things out. He said he had some mail to open up there that's been up there for 2 years. He said that mail isn't being forwarded to him. He said he did clean out some stuff there too. He said he made sure there was no food up there. He said he had to make sure that his pass was working. He said in the whole building there were maybe a dozen people. Robin asked who was up there. Gary said he had to fill out a form and show his vaccination card.
Howard asked if there were cobwebs up there. Gary said there weren't but his calendar was still set to March of 2020. Howard said he's not sure why Andy is so confident walking around up there. He said Colin Powell was at Walter Reed and he must have gotten great treatment there. Robin said he was 80 something. Howard said still. Robin said maybe he had underlying conditions. Howard said anyone who is 80 does. He said he probably does too.
Howard said they made a phony phone call to Bucky once. He said they called him up and asked if Howard burps or farts if he could sell that. He said Bucky said he could sell that. He played the call the guys made to Bucky about selling that stuff. Bucky said he could sell anything they threw at him.
Howard said that call was from 1998. He said the phones sounded like they were from 1968. He said that's the great thing about working at Sirius. He said they have great equipment there. Gary said they probably didn't have an engineer there to help record it so he had to record it in his office on a tape recorder. Howard said they were a number 1 show and they had no budget.
Howard said rest in peace Bucky. He said he's not sure how old he was. Howard said he's doing the math trying to figure it out. He said he knows it can't be good after 80. Robin said some people still have it all at that time. Howard said he knows this is it and he knows this is your one shot. He said he's trying to hang in there. He said he figures out how he may have 20 years left at the most. He said that he wants to have options. He said he doesn't know. Robin said his parents are very long lived so he has a good chance. Howard said his dad is happy and his mom is miserable. He said his dad has had strokes but he's happy. He said he eats like he's never eaten a meal before.
Gary said he's figuring that Bucky was maybe 78 or so based on when he graduated college. Howard said that's not that old. Robin said she's not sure how that adds up. She was figuring that was his high school graduation. Gary said he could be off.
Howard said they're saying that the human body could last 150 years in the future. Robin said they'd have to replace everything.
Howard said Shatner was talking to Jeff Bezos about how earth was life and the rest around it was like death. He said George came out and went off on Bill and was kind of nasty about him. He said George must have been jealous. He said he did come off looking a little jealous. He said it's funny though. He said that Shatner was forced to comment on George. He said Bill was saying that you only hear from him when he's asked to comment on him. Robin said this is all over a TV show they did 100 years ago.
Howard said he loves the feud but it's the stupidest feud ever. He said he loves when George comes on the show and they talk about this stuff. Robin said now Bill will get even more for his autograph.
Howard read what Bill said about George on Twitter. He said that George is just mad about a 30 second shot that he stole from him 50 years ago on the show.
Howard had fake Bill Shatner knock on his door so he had him come in. Bill was talking about how amazing it was to be up in space. He was very emotional about being up there and realizing that they're all alone. He said he realized that when you die it's all over. He said that George and his pudgy partner Brad weren't invited to space. Howard said he has to admit that George did come off a little jealous sounding. He asked if he has any last thoughts. Bill told George to just get over it. Howard let Bill go but then Fun George Takei showed up.
Howard talked to Fun George about the Shatner thing. George said that Bill was barely in space. Howard said it was only for like a minute. Howard said enough of that and closed the door on Fun George. Then he opened up again and asked if he would go into space. Fun George said he would love to. He said it would be a tremendous honor.
Howard said he has a lot of stuff on his mind. He said that he has a fishing or shitting game. He said they can listen to William Shatner's new spoken word album. He played a song from the album ''Bill'' and said this one rhymes at least. He said he's the lead guy but he gets a feature to sing.
Howard said he's dedicating this to Bucky and Colin Powell who just died. Howard played a clip of a guy reeling in a fish and grunting. Howard said that was just to give a hint about what it sounds like.
Howard played a theme song for the game and then played the first clip of someone grunting hard. Robin had to hear it again. She said she's going to say that's shitting. Howard asked if that's her final answer. Robin said it is. Howard said she is right. He played the full clip of the guy shitting.
Howard played a clip of a guy grunting and Robin said she's going to say that's fishing. She said that they just had one shitting clip so this must be fishing. Howard said she is right again. He said she's found her game. Howard played the full clip of the guy reeling in a shark.
Howard played the next clip of a guy grunting a lot. Robin said she's thinking that guy needs Metamucil crackers. She said she's saying fishing again though. Howard said she is wrong. He said it is a guy shitting. He played the full clip of the guy making a lot of shitting sounds.
Howard asked Richard where he gets the shitting sounds. Richard said he found them on the internet. He said a lot are from YouTube. He said a lot of them are guys who followed their buddies into the bathroom. He said one of the inspirations for this was his dad. He said he'd set limb lines and catch fish and he used to pull up 60 pound catfish and he'd laugh at the grunting. He said he wouldn't be helping.
Howard said Jennifer Witz is on the phone and she loves this game. Howard took the call and fake Jennifer said she loves this. She said he just earned himself another 100 million.
Howard played the next clip of a guy grunting and Richard said he had a blast putting this together. Robin said she's saying that's someone shitting. Howard said she's right. He played the full clip.
Richard said he put some echo on the fishing clips so you can't tell if it's outside. Howard said he has to do that to make a game out of it.
Howard played the next clip of a guy grunting really loud. Robin said that had better be a fish. Howard said she's right. He played the full clip where the guy lost his rod and reel to an ocean fish.
Howard played the next clip of a guy grunting and it sounded like a guy almost crying. Robin said she's saying that's a guy fishing. Howard said he has to hear that again. He played it and said she's wrong. He said it was shitting. Howard played the full clip. Richard said that guy filmed himself and the look on his face made him laugh.
Howard played the next clip of a person grunting and it sounded like a couple of women going back and forth. Robins said that has to be fishing. Howard said he thinks she's right. He said he doesn't think women film themselves shitting. He said he's not sure why anyone would do it. Richard said he's not sure but he thinks that people do it to get advice from people online. Howard said Robin was right and it was a female body builder pulling in a Goliath grouper. He played the full clip. Howard thanked Richard for the game.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what the malfunction is in Richard's brain to make it seem normal to film yourself shitting. Richard said his buddy used to film his father shitting and he thought it was funny to hear people shitting. The caller said he feels bad about the way he represents Kansas. Howard said he does too. He said he was only in Kansas once. He said he got to see some of life that he didn't get to see in the city. He said he saw them cutting heads off of chickens and stuff like that. He said now Richard is the only guy he knows from Kansas and he thinks about not brushing his teeth and things like that. He said not washing for 5 days and stuff like that too.
The caller asked how he is at brushing his teeth now. Richard said he's good. He said he brushes in the morning and at night. He said he didn't want to go through what he went through again with his teeth.
Howard said Richard's teacher got busted for going to a cock fight. Richard said she was back to work on a Monday after that. He said she was 80 some years old too. He said they thought it was funny.
Howard said Richard said that his dad would just rip the heads off of their chickens. Richard said it would run around with blood shooting out of its neck. He said that was crazy to think about. He said he and his sister would get blood on therm from the thing running around. Howard said when he was out at this farm in Kansas they saw them cut heads off of chickens and the things would run around for like a minute. He said it was freaky.
Howard asked what the deal is with the helicopter thing. He said he must have worked out some deal. Apples said he loves the helicopter pictures. Howard asked what the deal is there.
Ronnie got on and said that's a friend of his. He said it's his company. Howard said he's giving him free plugs. Ronnie said he was friends with this guy before. He said that it's not a commercial. He said he's just retweeting his stuff. He said he's not sure why it bothers him. Howard said it doesn't bother him. He asked if he gets rides in them. Ronnie said he won't fly in a helicopter. He said Stephanie will.
Howard said he gets it now. He asked Apples why he won't fly on them. Ronnie said he doesn't like them. Robin asked why he retweets the pictures. Ronnie said he doesn't get this moron for calling in. He said he's not sure why Howard picks up on him. He said go fuck yourself you moron. He said he'd go on a flight with Apples so he could throw him out of it.
Howard asked Ronnie what happened with the furniture. He said he heard it was broken when it made it to the new house. Ronnie said he doesn't want to talk about it. He said there was a flood. He said they called a week ago and told them there was a possibility that some of it might be messed up but they weren't sure. He said it was bad. He said Stephanie was sitting on the floor crying. He said they both were. He said that it was a lot of personal stuff that was destroyed. He said he had photos and stuff of his parents and his kids. He said it was all destroyed. Howard asked if they're going to help them out. Ronnie said they're talking about it. He said if they don't do something he'll talk about it and blow it out. He said it's unheard of to do what they did. He said they sent it out knowing it was ruined and covered in mold. He said they had to go out and buy all new stuff. He said they lucked out with this local place that had stuff in stock.
Howard said he ordered shampoo and he hasn't gotten it in a week. He wondered if that's because of the supply chain being messed up.
Howard asked if Ronnie got his dildos. Ronnie said he hasn't unpacked everything yet. Howard said he read he's missing some jackets and stuff. Ronnie said he had some nice ski jackets and some NASCAR jackets and stuff. He said he had a Jeff Hamilton jacket that was made for him. He said that's missing. He said that whole wardrobe box is out the window.
Howard asked if he still has his jump suit. Ronnie said he has that. He said that made it just fine. Howard said imagine what he'd do without that. Ronnie said some stuff can't be replaced. Howard said he should have digitized those photos.
Howard asked about his toy cars. Ronnie said that stuff is alright. He said one case is kind of broke. He said that can be replaced. Howard said the pictures got him bugged the most. Ronnie said they didn't know anything about that until they were unpacking. He said some of the boxes were bad and they ripped open boxes and threw them into other boxes and never told them about it. He said the stuff was soaking wet and moldy. He said that he wrote a poem for Stephanie last year and he framed it and that got ruined. He said you couldn't read it. He said her college diploma was ruined and things like that.
Howard asked about the inflatable dragon for the front yard. Ronnie said that made it. He said they have to have a junk company come out to get rid of the stuff. He said they have to get it out of the house.
Fred did his Ronnie puppet impression and read a poem he wrote about his move to Vegas.
Howard asked if he's so much that there won't be a tittie Tuesday. Ronnie puppet said there will always be a tittie Tuesday. Howard asked real Ronnie if there will be one. Ronnie said yeah, probably. Howard said he's not that upset then.
Howard said he has a guy who owns a photo lab who might be able to help. He took the call and the guy said that they'd be more than happy to print $5,000 worth of photos for him. Howard said he thinks the problem is that he doesn't have them available to print. He said they're one of a kind. He thanked the caller anyway.
Howard said he digitized all of his stuff years ago. He said that sucks. Ronnie said it was pretty fucked up. He said Saturday was not a good day. He said they were talking about the move and how smooth is was going and this ruined everything.
Howard said he warned him that he shouldn't have moved. Ronnie said it was all good until this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to set up a GoFundMe for Ronnie. It turned out to be Apples. Ronnie told him to go sell a trailer. He said he's doing really well. He said he's doing about as well as he is in stand up comedy.
Robin asked if they have to wait for the new furniture to show up. Ronnie said it's coming on Friday. He said they found stuff they really liked too so that's good.
Howard said the new furniture must have cost a pretty penny. Ronnie said it did. He said he wants this whole thing to be settled and go away. He said he has a feeling that this happened with the storm in September and they're claiming it was a burst pipe. He said he doesn't want to get his balls broken. He said that the guy who dropped it off doesn't load it. He said he couldn't believe that they sent this shit. Howard said he hopes it all works out.
Howard said he can tell she's a good actor because she doesn't have a British accent in the new TV show. He said that's how he can tell. He tried doing a British accent and it wasn't very good. Howard said he's looking forward to meeting Kate.
Howard said they did enough show. He said he loves that movie that Vin Diesel did where he's a Jewish guy working for the mob and he beats people up. He said he wrote it down. He said he loves clips form the movie. He said the move is called Knock Around Guys. He said you have to watch the clip. He told Robin what the clip is and gave her the whole set up. He gave all the details for this scene and talked about why he likes it because it's revenge scene. He was quoting Vin's lines and going through the whole thing bit by bit. He said it's such a great scene. He said he watches it over and over again. He said he wants to be that guy who can beat up the hillbilly. Howard said it's the greatest scene ever. He said that it must be Oscar worthy. He said he fucking loves it. Robin said Vin Diesel must be happy right now. Howard said you have to hear this. He said he's not sure what the rest of the movie is like but this one scene is so good.
Howard said here's the scene. He found the clip and played it for Robin. He said he has watched that clip like 50-100 times. He said he'll watch it every time it shows up on Facebook. He said that he puts that under ''work'' when he watches it. He said he's thinking of writing a movie. He recited lines from that scene again and made up more lines of his own about how many times he's been beaten up. He had Robin laughing at him. He was doing his impression of Vin sounding like Elmer Fudd as he recited the lines from his made up movie.
Howard did a live commercial read and ended the show around 10:20am.
Howard started the show talking about how he's out of sorts today. He said he just wakes up on the rag. He said he's always in a bad mood these days. Robin asked if it's after thinking about his life. Howard said it is. He said he misses coffee too. He said it would perk him up and give him a false sense of energy. He said it was a youthful energy. He said he doesn't have that anymore. He said it's kind of a bummer. Robin asked if his doctor says it's okay to have. Howard said he's unsure but he's not going to try it again.
Howard said Kate Beckinsale is coming on today and he's going to follow her on Instagram now. He said he was on here last night and he has to follow her. Robin said she sees her making news with her photos. Howard said he saw that Ross Zaipin follows her. He said it's a great account because it's her in various hot outfits. He said there's one where she's in a white outfit that's skin tight with her belly showing. He said he's a fan of that. He said she's got this tight skirt on too. He said she does a nice spin in the video and you get to see the whole outfit and her body and face. He said she has a lot of shots where she lifts her skirt too. He said everything she does in there is fantasy. He said she's not bullshitting you with pictures of her kids or anything. He said she's hot in every picture and everything on Instagram. He said she's just hot. Howard said she knows what to do with that Instagram. He said she deserves the 5 million followers she has.
Howard said Kate had this head massager for her cat. He said the cat was in ecstasy when she was using it. He said he has to try one of those. Robin said she doesn't think she's ever had one. Howard said she would have told him.
Howard said he's a big fan of Kate's flicks like Underworld. He said he likes those movies. He said he's seen the first one at least 3 times. He said it's so good. He said he's a fan of rom-coms too so he likes Serendipity. He said he likes that movie and the cast in that one. Robin said the kind of acting Howard responds to is incredible. Howard said Jeremy Piven is in that movie too. He said John Cusack is a good looking guy but he's engaged to Bridget Moynihan. He said then he falls for Kate Beckinsale. Robin didn't remember that movie. Howard told Robin about what that one was about.
Howard said Michael Bay almost got rid of Kate for Pearl Harbor. He said she showed up with some baby fat on her and they made her shape up. He said he has to find out what she did. He said that she could have gotten away with it for a movie that took place in the 1940s.
Howard said he has a lot to talk about with Kate. Robin said that she loved The Only Living Boy In New York. Howard said she's good. He said he was watching her new show called The Guilty Party. He said that's good. He said she does a good American accent and he's always impressed by that. He said they'll talk to her later.
Howard said there are some people who are willing to walk away from millions of dollars to not get vaccinated. He said they're putting their mouth where their money is. He said one of them is that basketball player Kyrie Irving. He said that he's got to be the top idiot in the country. He said he could make millions if he just got vaccinated. He said this guy is a flat earther too. He said he's got a history of being an idiot. He said he doesn't believe in gravity because he can't see it. He said he looks at the ocean and sees that it's flat so he thinks the earth is flat.
Howard said he has some proof that this guy is dopey. He said here it is. He said he won't be paid for home games so he's giving up nearly $17 million of his salary. He said he can play on road games. He said he's not sure who runs the Brooklyn Nets but they should be running the country. He said they tell him he should do what's right but he won't. He said he has some audio of him explaining himself on Instagram Live. He said he wants you to respect his choice. He said he can't respect him. He said that he doesn't care about what his choice is.
Howard played some audio of Kyrie talking about why he won't get vaccinated. He says it's not a political thing. Howard said a lot of athletes in high school you knew weren't too bright. He said this is what that is. He said there was a coach who was making $3.2 million a year and he got fired for not getting vaccinated. He said you have to be a moron to give up that money to not get vaccinated.
Howard played some audio of Kyrie talking about the earth being flat on some podcast.
Howard said he graduated from Duke and if he were Duke he'd be closing the doors. He said when they sell globes is that all a part of the big lie? Robin said that they just tell you this stuff and they don't believe it. Howard said they have proof from space. Robin said when you go from California to Japan you can do it. Howard said if you get paid to put a ball through a hoop you should just keep your mouth shut. He said that's a funny clip.
Howard said he has another clip of Kyrie talking about how dinosaurs may not have ever existed. He was on some show talking about that with the host of some show. Howard said he's not sure what they're churning out there at Duke but that JJ Reddick guy went there too. That's the guy Kyrie was talking to.
Howard asked if Robin has ever seen a live dinosaur. Robin said there aren't any. Howard said yes or no. Robin said she has to say no. Howard said there you go. He said he rests his case.
Howard said he's not sure why they would make up dinosaurs. He asked who would want to fool us all and bury them all over the place. He said he's not sure what the end game is there.
Robin said they were talking about Colin Powell yesterday. Howard said it's fucking his head up. Robin said he had a form of cancer and Parkinsons. Howard said it still fucks his head up. Robin said she's now wearing a mask when she's alone. Howard said there are a lot of young people who are double vaxxed and they died. He said it's not a lot but there are a couple. He said he thinks there are a couple of examples of that. He said that fucks his head up.
Howard said it's like the flu vaccine. He said Robin must have gotten one. Robin said she did. She said that she told him that off the air. Howard said he's trying to pretend that they don't talk off the air.
Howard said he liked Colin Powell until the Iraq war. He said he has apologized for that whole thing. He said he did believe it when he said Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. He said he thought that we had to go after Hussein. He said his faith in him went downhill after that. He said he saw him on Larry King one night and he apologized for that whole thing. He said it's like saying the earth is flat and then just going along with it. He said the guy was a remarkable guy though. He said his parents came from Jamaica and he went up through the military and did two tours in Vietnam and went up from there. He said the guy was remarkable.
Howard said maybe this will wake people up and realize it's still a risk out there to get COVID even if you're vaccinated. Robin said that some people are saying there's no way they're getting vaccinated now because he died.
Howard said there's this thing that tells you what's going on in radio. He said this Syndicated talk show host Dan Bongino is looking to leave Westwood One because of their vaccination mandate. He said he's claiming that it's a political thing and he doesn't want that even though he's vaccinated. Howard said there are plenty of mandates out there and he's not sure why this one is a problem. He said you can't smoke in places because of mandates.
Howard said this guy is on FOX news according to the guys. JD said he's been a regular on there for years. Howard said we need people to participate in this vaccination thing. He said we have to have everyone on board to get through this whole thing.
Howard said there's an old Neil Young clip where he's getting ready to play Old Man for the first time live and he's doing that too.
Howard said he likes how James gives up and lets Joni talk over him. He said he just tunes his guitar. He said it's awesome. He said even the opening to the song is awesome. He said he likes that they're laughing but no one knows what they're laughing at. He said he should have been a rock star. He said he should have played piano. He said his parents did try. He said he just didn't pick up on it.
Howard played the clip again and let that play for a little bit. James and Joni were going to play ''You Can Close Your Eyes.'' Howard said he thinks James did bang her. He said that he's sure he must have. They eventually got to the song.
Howard said they banged. He said it's beautiful, right? He said that's why they can do the patter up front. He said they deliver the goods. Howard said that's unbelievable. He said you can get away with anything. He said he gets the chills hearing that. Robin said those two together are incredible. Howard played more of the song.
Howard said he'd be tuning up and hitting the pedals on the floor if he was a guitar player. Robin said then they break into the song. Howard said those two are good.
Howard said in 2020 they released this Paris Theater 1970 live album. He said they had a bunch of songs on that album. He said it's a good one.
Howard said there are people who buy so much gear and they live in these tiny homes that look like log cabins. He said they go hiking with their ferret and do odd jobs. He's not sure where they buy this stuff from. He said he makes a good living and he doesn't buy that many pens.
Howard said this one girl he follows, Adventure Denali, just got a typewriter. He said fountain pens are cool but the typewriter he's not sure about. He said she bought and old desk to go along with it. He said she never tells you what she's typing. He said he's never going to go that far and go to a typewriter. He said he doesn't want to go off the cliff. He said he doesn't get some of it.
Howard said he follows a woman who journals and she has journals for all kinds of things. He said she has one for religious thoughts and one for travel and art and all of this. He said this woman has an art journal but she draws like a 2 year old. He said it's crazy. He said they also seem to live in rural areas. Howard said he it's very unusual.
Howard said he thinks that these people have nothing to write about. He said they just like buying the journals. He said there are some pages they share and the thoughts they have are infantile. He said he bought a journal and he has an ink pen but he puts all of his thoughts in the one journal. He said he's not coming up with different journals. He said most of these people are women with chubby hands. He said you can see that they're very overweight and they're not moving around so they're all overweight.
Howard said one woman had 15 journals. He said that she broke it all down for her followers. He said sometimes they say they don't have the time to write something these journals. Robin said they have nothing but time.
Robin said she was thinking that Howard was going to start crafting as well. Howard said he does paint. Robin said he needs a paper cutter and stuff like that. Howard said that's bullshit. He said he did some collaging in his journal but he gave that up pretty quick. He said then people sell this stuff on Etsy. He said one woman took a page out of her journal and pasted some stuff to it and sold it. He said he draws that line at that. He said he was starting to fall into that stuff and he realized it takes no talent to make a collage. He said he has done mod podge stuff and he has made things for Beth. He said he's not going to get into it more than that though.
Howard said people love their leather covers for their journals. He said these people give them names and call them him and her. He said he bought like 50 covers for his journal but he only has one journal.
Howard said these people seem to live an Amish like lifestyle. He said they seem happy though. Robin said they all have cameras on themselves though. She said she doesn't care about the stool they refinished.
Howard said he did a lot of research on inks for his pens. He said he bought a bunch of inks and most of them blow. He said one was called Sunset Red and it was more like pink so he wasn't able to see it. He said he's imagining that these women have huge bushes. He said they must not shave. Robin said it always goes to what they look like with their clothes off. Howard said a mind is a terrible thing to waste. He said he's not thinking about anything else. He said he thinks about a woman and if she shaves her bush. Howard said he imagines that these women look like Benjy with a dress.
Howard said he found out what happened to the band The Fugees. He said he loved that band. He said that he watched a concert called the global Citizen's Concert. He said he saw Wyclef Jean and Lauren Hill do a song together. He said they must be back together. He said they did a song and he wanted to hear Lauren sing but she wasn't singing must. He said she was just standing there. He played some of what he found.
Howard said Wyclef was in the studio one time and Robin did something with him in the studio. Robin said he was demonstrating how he can have sex standing up. Howard said that was wild.
Robin said that there was a story about some woman being raped on a subway in Philly and no one did anything. Howard said he remembers a woman being killed in New York and no one called the police when they heard her screaming. He said that he's not one to jump in on anything. He said Robin will jump in. He said she's good at volunteering him. He said that she once told him to go stop a guy from stealing a bike. He said there's no way he was going to do that. He said Robin was quick to volunteer him. He said he cracked the window and told the guy it was a nice bike.
Howard said it did emasculate him that day. He said he wasn't going to do anything. He said he hires guys who are weak so they can't do anything. He said Jason told him a story about being out with some guys and seeing a woman getting mugged and they did nothing. He said he hired a bunch of like minded people there. He said there are no guys going to Vietnam for two tours. He said they're like guys who dodged the draft and had bone spurs.
Jason said that they saw this woman get stopped and mugged in the middle of the day and they just stood there watching it happen. He said it's horrible but there were a bunch of high idiots there doing nothing to help.
Howard said he has friends in the military who shot people in the head to save people. He said they have cool stories. He said you just say you'd do the same thing when you hear the stories. He said he has a friend who saw a car accident and he saved a guy's life. He said he tells his own stories about standing up to the FCC and things like that.
Jason said there's a horrible story in the news about a woman getting raped in the subway and no one did anything. Robin said that's the story that started this. Howard said he and Fred had a plan for how to defend Robin if someone did something to her. He said they were going to use an attaché case to beat the guy up. He said that he just pretends to tie his shoe and doesn't see anything.
Jason asked if you ever walk with your keys in your fist. Howard said he's done that. Jason said he can't even throw a punch. He said one of the guys had to tell him how to make a fist the right way. He said he had his thumb inside his fingers and that will break your thumb.
Robin said you don't know who you are until you're in that situation. Jason said he knew already. Howard asked how many pounds he's lost now. Jason said 77. Howard said that's impressive. Jason said he's down to 224 pounds. Howard said that's crazy that he's still at 224 after taking off 77. Jason said that he went to a doctor and he told him he had to think about losing weight. He said he wants to lose even more and get down to 190. He said this thing is working so he's enjoying it. He said he can't even drink soda now because it's too sweet.
Howard asked if he's working out. Jason said he goes on hikes and nature walks and things like that. He said that he uses the Hydrow too.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he saw that Roger Waters got married again at the age of 78. He said he's not sure how many marriages he's had. He said that he thinks the paper said the woman was like his driver or something. He said they fell in love or something. Robin said you're just marrying a caretaker at that age. Howard said this is his fifth marriage. Robin said that's not a lot. Howard said by Hollywood standards not at all.
Howard said they've been holding on to this for a while. He said Gary is into this ''Karens'' thing and he's not sure what the origin is of that. Gary said he's not sure either. He said he's not sure how it became a ''Karen'' but it's about privileged white women who think they're above everyone.
Howard said here are people who ruined names like Adolf Hitler did for Adolf. Robin said she just read that Kanye changed his name to Ye. Howard said he dropped the Kan and just made it Ye. He said good for him. He said it's not easy to change your name. He said that's great and he doesn't have to deal with it. He said he doesn't know the man. He said Robin tried to change her name. He said Fred did too. Howard said he got an email from Fred the other day and it said Fred Eric Norris. He said he's still Fred though. Howard said he told Beth about Robin trying to change her name to Robin Ophelia. He said no one did it. He said they just kept calling her Robin.
Howard said Fred changed his name and didn't tell anyone. He said he kept it secret. Fred said the late great Ritchie Herbie ratted him out. He said he saw his name on the FCC license. He said he thinks that he told him to speed something up and he said he was going to kick his ass if he told him that.
Howard answered a knock at the door and Mel Gibson was there talking about how great the name Adolf is and how it should come back. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said the term Karen is a pejorative term for a woman seeming to be entitled or demanding beyond the scope of what is normal. He said it's also used for white women who demand their own way. Gary said he has plenty of examples of racists in this.
Howard said this is a Karen who believes she's above the law. Gary said she got pulled over for looking at her cell phone. He said it devolves into racism. He said the officer is Hispanic he believes. Howard played the clip and the woman asked why she was being harassed and said she thought she was going to be murdered by him. She said she's a teacher and the cop is a murderer. She called the cop a Mexican racist. She said that he'll never be white.
Howard asked how he refrains from pulling out his weapon and killing her. He said he likes that she's a teacher. Robin said she hates to say this but the examples of teachers they see these days aren't great. She said this is a problem in this country. She said she doesn't think she's capable of teaching.
Howard said this is from this summer where a woman was asked to leave a discount store. Gary said she ran into a black manager and you can imagine what happens. Howard played the clip and the manager was asking this woman to leave and the woman got angry and called her names as she was leaving.
Howard said he's seen people get punched in the face for calling people names. He said this one is from this summer too. He said this woman got kicked off a cruise for testing positive for COVID. Gary is this one he calls a Doctor Karen because she's spouting medical knowledge. Howard played the clip and the woman said that they're not contagious. She said she had it 3 months ago and she has high antibodies. She said that they're not putting her in an ambulance. She was getting angry and saying that she'll jump out of the wheelchair and she's in charge of her own fucking life. She said that they're all lying to us. Gary said that she claims she tested negative twice and they made up the positive test.
Howard said this next one is a woman who kept yelling in an airport. Howard played the clip and the woman was screaming about getting choked to the ground. She apparently ran through a door she wasn't supposed to and she got tackled. She was asking for a manager of the airport.
Howard said this reminds Gary of his mom. Gary said it gives him PTSD. He said that they do sound like his mom. Howard said his mom would scream at him like that too. He said she'd get crazy over his room being dirty and she'd scream at him. He said she'd want to hit him with a hanger but he'd tell her she can't do that. Gary said his mother would turn red like a thermometer. He said she'd scream with all her energy as loud as she could. Howard said his mom had no parents and she must have done it because of that.
Howard said he has one more loud Karen. He said this is one from Victoria's Secret. Gary said she felt like someone was filming her and she did not like that at all. Howard said she was kind of chubby and he's not sure what she was doing in there. Robin said she could have been shopping for someone else. Howard said he's not making any judgments. Howard played the clip and the woman was crying screaming about being video recorded. Howard said there was a black woman in there an she was the one recording her because she was afraid the cops were going to come after her because the woman apparently attacked her. Howard said when online shopping was invented he was kind of upset but this is the reason he loves it now. He played more of the woman screaming and the woman recording was laughing at her.
Howard said there's no manager that can solve that issue. He said this is a psychiatric issue. He said he's not sure who she makes that sound. He said it's such a high shriek. Howard said Jeff Bezos has rocket ship money because of women like that.
Howard said they took a Karen clip and called an internet radio show. He said Richard called up as Rusty and he was trying to get his comment out but Karens kept interrupting him. Howard played the phony phone call where Richard called into this show and said he was pulling into someone's driveway. Then he had a Karen screaming at him about parking there. He had a woman screaming '''get the fuck out'' and telling him to get away. Richard had the woman screaming at the host of the show. The host said that the country has lost their minds. He hung up on Richard and the woman. Richard called back and said he drove away and found a parking lot. Then another Karen started screaming at him for taking a picture of a mural there in the parking lot. The host told him to never call back. Richard had the woman screaming at the host and saying he did an illegal phone thing. The host said that he didn't do shit. He said he's had enough of being yelled at. The guy hung up again. He said the show went in a direction that he didn't think it would.
Howard said that guy had it by the end of that show. He said he feels that way at the end of his show sometimes.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has a wife whose name is Karen and she's probably one of the worst Karens in his life. He said he has a 3 year old son who is autistic. Howard asked if his wife is a nut. The caller said she is. Howard said he likes the old fashioned name of just ''nut job'' instead of Karen. He said Karen is almost too nice.
Howard asked what his wife does. The caller said a few months ago she was screaming about Donald Trump and how if they weren't on the right side they were going to die in a river of blood. He said he had to have her arrested and he's trying to figure out how to protect his son from her.
Howard asked what she was yelling about that she scared his dad. The caller said she was screaming about Jesus and how she met him and he told her that it was all going to be okay. Howard said this must be some nightmare. Howard asked if he divorced this woman. The caller said he did. He said that this sounds like Gary's mom.
Gary said it sounds more like she's just a nut. The caller said that she screams about Trump and things like that too. Howard asked if she yells about black people too. The caller said that she does that too. He said she just makes her problems everyone else's problems. Robin said that she thinks that all Karens are crazy but they're making it sound like they're not. She said this is not normal behavior. Gary said he and JD are working on a package called Karens on a Plane. He said they have a woman who smuggled a PA system on a plane and started going off about how they shouldn't have to wear masks on a plane. Howard said that's pretty crafty to do that. Gary said this woman had a headset on to talk over the PA. Howard said that's pretty crafty.
Howard took a call from a staffer who was doing the voice of the caller's wife screaming about all of the stuff that he said she would scream about.
Howard tried to ask the woman questions but she kept telling him to shut the fuck up. The caller said that this is exactly what she was like in his life. He said she'd scream into his ear constantly. Howard said he has to watch out because a lot of dudes get out of that situation and he may end up marrying another Karen. The caller, Chris, said that he has been listening to the show for really long and he is always in his mind. He said he's in counseling right now trying to figure out why he has such bad judgment. Howard said don't trust yourself. He said test it out before getting married again.
Howard took another call from fake Chris' wife. She was screaming about Howard hanging up on her. Howard let her go again a short time later.
Howard said he found a woman on the phone who might fit the bill for his next wife. He took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who had to come running to the phone. She said that she wouldn't be a good match. Howard said she's just saying that he thinks that he'd be attracted to her. Mariann said she's not a Karen. She said she's not sure why he'd treat her like that. She said that's not fair. Howard said he was making a joke. Howard said Mariann is not a Karen. He said it's just her vocal character he was referring to. Howard let her go after that.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing Yoko Ono screaming ''singing'' clips. Howard said he recognizes that voice. He said that's Yoko. He said there is hope for him out there. He said there are a lot of good women out there. Robin said pussy will blind you.
Howard wished Chris luck. Chris thanked him for that and gave him some praise for what he does and what he's done over the years. Howard said they did a study and they found that he is the greatest media person and the greatest radio person ever. He said that's not fake news. Chris said he'll never put another woman like that in his life again. He said he'd rather be single and keep his son from that type of person. Howard played a Karen song parody and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and talked about Grand Funk Railroad for a minute. He said that this song is really long. He said he likes the band. He said he used to play this when he was a progressive DJ. He said he would go to the bathroom or something while it was playing and he had a lot of time.
Howard said Kate Beckinsale is in a new project. He said they don't call it a TV show anymore. He said it's called Guilty Party on Paramount+. Howard said he has to fix his hair so he looks attractive to her. Kate said she's been up so long that anyone looks attractive. She said she's been up all night. Howard said that's awful. He said he's so sorry. Kate said she has to be careful what she says because she's so tired. She said she's in her house too so she's very comfortable.
Howard said when he watches Guilty Party the American accent is really good. He asked how long it takes to learn something like that. Kate said this character was kind of generic. She said that her first accent she did was in Last Days of Disco and the director was very specific about what he wanted to hear. She said she was listening to him and other actors. Howard said he's unclear on this. He said he remembers her in Pearl Harbor. He said that put her on the map. He said that Jon Voight was in that. He said he went off the deep end. He asked if she keeps in touch with him after that. Kate said that she didn't. She said she has a very small baby at the time so she wasn't making friends at the time. She said she was just wiping sick off herself. She said she was just 14 months old.
Howard said Michael Bay was the director of that movie. He said he heard he didn't want her on the film. He asked why not. Kate said that he did pick her but she may not have been his first choice. She said he called to let her know that she had the part but he wondered if she would work out. She said that she would and didn't know what he was talking about. She said he told her she had to work out and when she came out to Hawaii she had a costume fitting. She said she tried on some swimsuits and he went grey. She said he asked her if she wanted to know how long she had. Kate said they had her in a heavy program of working out 6 hours a day after that. She said it wasn't really a female thing. She said Ben had something similar happen to him.
Howard said meanwhile in the 1940s not everyone was super ripped. Kate said she thought that too. She said she was trying to figure it out. She wondered if 40s nurses were working out. She said they got through all of that and then went on the press tour. She said that Michael then said that he cast her because she wasn't so good looking and didn't want to make women feel intimidated by her. Howard said that is crazy to him. He said he's trying to sell it to the public and he's saying that. Howard said that's a weird thing to do. Kate said it was kind of odd but he must have been told it would be good for them. She said she thinks that he thought that was a plus. She said she had fake things on her at the time and she would forget and take one of her tits out and leave it on the catering table.
Howard said imagine this business you're in where this guy is telling you that you're not that hot. He said she's one of the hottest women he's seen in his life. Kate said she didn't grow into her teeth until she was 30 and she wasn't the aesthetic that he (Bay) was looking for. Howard said to say that about her sounds like a guy who is out of his friggin mind. He said he doesn't need to put her down. He said that's just really weird. Robin said there's a lot going on there because it makes it sound like other women can't support good looking women. Kate said there is a lot to unpack there.
Howard asked if she felt confident going into that film. Kate said she had done other movies like Brokedown Palace with Claire Danes. She said Pearl Harbor was the biggest one that was green lit for her. She said she wasn't really prepared. She said no one told her that it was going to be that big. She said that there wasn't internet and if you lived in England you didn't know that much about America. She said that she knew Knight Rider but that was about it. She said she got out there and there were a lot of people working there. She said everyone was afraid of being fired every day.
Howard said that movie made like $485 million. He said then she's known out there and she's a leading lady. He asked how her life changed. He asked if she has to live a more private life. Kate said she thinks the thing that saved her is that she had this baby and she was distracted by that. She said that she had it by herself a lot of the time and ultimately always. She said she was kind of a shield for her. She said all of the other things going on was so fuzzy in the background that she didn't notice. She said after she filmed another movie she did start to notice things. She said that she didn't like going out much. She said she was focusing on her kid and she wasn't really noticing things.
Howard asked Kate if she had some resentment for her baby because she was in the way of her career. Kate said she really didn't. She said she really didn't feel like she was. She was a portable age. She said she did wish she slept more but that was about it. She said she felt lucky that she had her. She said she didn't realize how many terrible people are in Hollywood. She said that came about when she got older. Kate said she felt like everyone was so nice but there are a lot of tricky people out there.
Howard asked if she thinks if she didn't have the baby then dudes would have been all over her. Kate said yeah. She said she didn't go anywhere when she was on Pearl Harbor. She said she had to have someone help her take care of her daughter. She said she did get a tough nanny who had an intense social life so she had to work with her on that. She said she didn't start going out until about 5 years ago.
Howard said Kate went to work on Serendipity. He said he has seen that like 5 times. He said he really likes that movie. He said her character is kind of strange in that. He said she wanted to leave it up to chance meeting the guy again. Kate said she felt odd about that. She said she didn't want to make her seem that dumb. She said there were some things that didn't end up in the movie and they reshot some stuff. She said it was kind of okay but she knows what Howard means. Howard said that's a MiraMax film and Harvey Weinstein was part of that. He said that he insisted on her shooting some of the scenes. Kate said that he was right about that. Howard said she wrote about that on her Instagram. He said her account is so fantastic. He said she has so many outfits and she's hot in each one. Kate said that's not true. Howard asked what she's talking about. He asked if she can monetize that account with 5 million followers. Kate said she'd like to know how. Howard said he doesn't know who dresses her but she looks great. He said she has one outfit that's like a bra top and she's showing her belly. He said she does a full spin. He said it has to be 5 million guys on that account. Kate said there are more women now. She said she likes that. Howard said she always shows her thighs in every one of her pictures too. Kate said only recently. She said she had some tights that she was showing.
Howard said he has to ask about Serendipity. He said it's startling about what happened to her with Harvey Weinstein. He said she was like 17. Kate said she may have been 16. Howard said Harvey invited her up to his room. Kate said it wasn't that unusual at the time because he didn't have an office in England. She said they would meet in hotel suites. She said it didn't seem like a massive red flag. She said no one said anything to her about it. She said she hopes that someone would have said they'd go with her or wait in the lobby. She said she was still in high school. She said she had voiced a character for one of his films and he didn't really like that. She said that he called her a genius and invited her up there. Howard said he was very powerful in Hollywood at the time. Kate said she had never heard of him. She said that it was very different back then.
Kate said she showed up and she was very naive. She said that she had anorexia at 15 and she was very thin. She said that Harvey was very large and was wearing a bath robe. She said that it was embarrassing for him. She said that's what she was thinking. She said she didn't find him attractive. She said that she was very much a child at the time. She said he was a grown up businessman. She thought she could see his boobs and she was thinking it was just a thing you don't think about.
Kate said that Harvey asked her what she wanted to drink and he was referring to alcohol. She said that her own insanity cushioned the whole thing. She said that he insisted on her having a drink and he gave her a bottle of Bailey's. She said he wanted her to drink the whole thing. She said she didn't want so many calories because she had been anorexic. She said he was telling her what a huge star she was going to be and she doesn't know if here was some signal that she missed or what but he didn't leap on her. She said he must have been confused by how naive she was. She said at some point she said she had to go home and do homework. She said she didn't think anything of it after. She said periodically she'd get invited to parties with him. She said that nothing weird would happen. She said then she got on Serendipity and he got very shifty. She said that's when he was anxious about how old she was. She said that he was wondering how old she was when she met him and he wondered if he had done anything with her that was inappropriate. She said that he must not remember because he does it so much.
Howard said he must have had so many women that he doesn't remember. Kate said that was startling. She said that a lot of people had different experiences than she did. She said that was kind of tough.
Howard said you have to wonder what was going through his head when he showed up at the door in a bath robe. Kate said maybe she hadn't grown into her teeth yet and he was turned off by that.
Howard said Serendipity came out after 9/11 and the cast didn't want to go out and promote it during that time. Kate said they didn't want to walk down a red carpet while the city was still smoking. She said she felt very uncomfortable about the whole thing because they were forced to do it. Howard asked if Harvey told her she had to do it. She said he and her agents said she had to go. She said she wore a suit and she felt weird about it. She said she got in trouble for wearing a suit. She said that she got in big trouble for that. She said she was so shocked. She said Harvey called up and asked her to come over and have a play date with his kid. She said that she turned up and as soon as she got there Harvey pulled her to the side and went insane on her. He said she called her every awful thing you can imagine. She said that she was in tears and shaking after that. She said she showed up for a play date and then she gets screamed at for being a cunt. She said there was yelling but other people had more horrific experiences with him. She said that there was this whole tricking her into the play date thing that really upset her. Kate's cat meowed so she apologized for that. Howard said Harvey is such a weird guy to get her to the house so he can yell at her. He said that's really something. Kate said it was a lot. She said that she would still wear the suit now but it was just the time and she didn't feel like it was right to wear something different at the time.
Howard said she must have thought this guy was a maniac. Kate said she had heard stories from other women who had weird experiences with him. She said that she thought she was doing the decent thing. She said she was told that they wanted her part of the family and she didn't think that was a sex family. She said that's just gross. She said she didn't want to commit to having an office that he was paying for. She said she was trying to juggle things with her baby and all of that. She said she had to turn him down.
Kate said that there were times when Harvey was very kind and nice to her. She said there are people like Harvey who are more abusive and less abusive than he is in the business. She said there isn't someone who is always horrible. She said it wouldn't have worked for him if it had worked like that. She said he was very talented at what he did. She said that's true and the other stuff was true too. She said her experience wasn't that of being sexually assaulted but there was some dark stuff that she went through with him. She said she doesn't think he's the only one who has those things coexisting.
Howard said he sees the quote that she wrote about Harvey and how he said if he wants pussy on the red carpet that's what he gets. He said that's something to say to a woman. He said he used to get emails from Harvey asking him to promote his films but he had to write him back and tell him he doesn't have to do that. He said it's weird. Kate said he was her boss but he had that very New York kind of vibe. She said some of it was very cool. She said Ted Bundy was very charming too.
Howard said Kate talked about turning down movies that she was offered. He said being a leading lady is rare. He said there are lots of actresses who have good careers but don't get that leading role. He said that women in her position must worry about their looks. Howard said he did one movie and he saw what went on there. He asked if she worries about turning something down and it becomes a big hit. Kate said she didn't worry like that. She said she didn't like a script and she'd just turn it down. She said she didn't want to say lines that she didn't want to. Howard asked if there were movies she turned down that were blockbusters. Kate said there were. She said she turned down The Notebook. Howard asked why. Kate said she didn't get along with the director very well and she found it kind of sketchy. She said that she didn't want to be interrogated by the director. She said that she may have had a shaky relationship at the time and she didn't want to be questioned about things. Howard said she was in a relationship with Michael Sheen. Kate said they were going to do it and there were a lot of why questions with him. She said she didn't want her relationship to be shaky and she didn't want to be interrogated. Kate said her biggest concern at the time was her child. She said that she knew she couldn't do that movie.
Howard said it wasn't the script that turned her off. He said it was the director. Howard said he would be so upset if a movie came out and it was great. He said that she can just let it go. He said that might be why she handles things so well. Kate said there were plenty of things that came her way and she wasn't able to do. Howard asked what movie she has seen that she thinks she could have done so well in. Kate said she's not sure. She said that if she loves a movie that much she must love the person who is playing the part. Howard said she must not have regrets. Kate said not about that sort of thing.
Howard said Kate went to Oxford and she speaks fluent Russian. She said she did and she does very well with Armenian Uber drivers in L.A. but that's about it. She said she picked Russian because it was an option in high school. She said that she learned a whole new alphabet. She said that they had this amazing teacher that taught the class. She said she introduced them to a lot of things and not just the language. She said one day she told her she had very long penis fingers but she was saying pianist. She said that turned out to be a compliment.
Howard asked if every guy at Oxford hit on her. Kate said not at all. Howard asked when she realized she had the power of beauty. Kate said she wasn't the best looking one in class. She said her friend was. She said she doesn't think anyone would remember her as being pretty at all. She said she wasn't ugly really but she wasn't beautiful. She said she thinks how you are in 6th grade carries on with you.
Howard asked what her IQ is. Kate said she can't remember but it was very high. She said that she was up there. She said it was quite high. She said she'll have to text her mom and ask her. Howard said he needs the number. He said he's guessing between 140 and 165. He said she might be MENSA. Kate said she was tested young so she may have burned a few brain cells. Howard asked if she was ever told to do something more with her life. Kate said not really. She said you'd pick a few subjects to do at the end of high school and you picked what you liked. She said it's not like it is here. She said she wouldn't have gotten into Oxford if she had lived here. She said that Oxford teachers specialize in something. She said they may not be able to tell time but they might teach the Russian language. She said she finds it very sad because they might be missing some geniuses in America. She said that people might be eccentric geniuses and they might be doing it somewhere other than the Ivy League schools.
Howard asked what she does when she's dating dudes and they seem like idiots. He said he would like to have that perception of being smart. He said that it must make her crazy when she goes out with guys who are dopey. Kate said she can forgive a lot if people are funny. Howard said he can't understand how she was in Oxford and she gets cast in a movie. Kate said she started acting in high school and it was little bits of TV there and a Hallmark movie. She said she had started doing that so she was on auditions. She said she was on the fence about going to college. She said her parents told her she should go to college. She said they would have loved to have had a doctor or something.
Howard said her dad died when she was like 5 years old. He said that's awful. He said he was a super famous guy in England. Kate said he was more famous than she can explain. She said there were only 3 TV channels over there and he was on the most iconic shows at the time. She said everyone loved the shows and loved him. She said he was adored. She said he was kind of sexy too. She said that everyone loved him. Kate said that he died at 31 to a heart attack. Howard said that's a huge loss. Kate said she remembers confusing his death with John Lennon's death. She said they both had people sobbing in the streets over them. Howard asked if she feels she had to be an actor to connect to her father. He said he hates to play shrink there but he wonders if that's what she did. Kate said that she didn't have the same thing as he did. She said here are people who hate her. She said her dad was adored. She said he never did a bad movie. She said everything he did was great. She said she has done some stinkers. Howard said she has also lived longer.
Howard asked if her mother remarried. Kate said she did. She said she met her step dad when she was 9. She said he was very political. She said he moved in with her mum and they're still together to this day. Howard said he must be blown out by her success. Kate said they had some rough years but no one has been a bigger champion for her career. Howard asked what the tough times were. Kate said she remembers her mom getting this book from her step dad and she felt that it was inevitable what was going to happen. She said that she thought boys were gross at that age. She said that she was a clarinet playing posh girl and his sons were kind of tough. She said she was terrified of them but also kind of impressed by them. She said she had to learn how to sink or swim and she ended up being very close with them.
Howard said she seems very well adjusted. Kate said she's really not. Howard asked i she does a lot of psychotherapy. Kate said she does. She said she started at 9. She said that she did Freudian therapy for a few years. She said that was wild. She said then she got into trouble around 15 or 16 and went back to the same guy for a few years. She said she's not sure if it was helpful or not. She said it may not have been for what she was going through. She said that man was very sweet. She said that turned out to be intellectually stimulating for her.
Howard said he remembers telling his father he needed to see a psychiatrist and he said here's your psychiatrist and put his fist up.
Howard said Kate could have done a lot of movies like Serendipity but she did Underworld and that was a big change. He said that was great. Kate said that was a weird one for her. She said she didn't go to drama school. She said she just wanted to learn how to do things she didn't know how to do. She said she would do movies like Pearl Harbor and she was told that she was soft and fragile. She said she wanted to show that she had edge so she did movies like Underworld. She said she was sent this script and she was shocked it was offered to her. She said it was such a stretch. She said she was terrible at everything. She said she had to do training for how to run and things like that. She said she was making a fist the wrong way and things like that as well.
Howard asked if the director thought she would be a great action star. Kate said she never even thought about it in her life. Howard asked if she had to go to weapons school. Kate said she had to do it all. She said she had to learn to run and throw a punch and learn to leap and things. She said it was overwhelming. She said she thought she was going to get fired from that film.
Howard asked if she enjoyed learning martial arts and guns. Kate said that she lucked out and she has enormous hands like a man so she's quite good with guns. She said she has penis fingers. She said they finally came in handy. Kate said that she can fire guns and not blink which is unusual. She said some people blink from the recoil. She said she doesn't so that worked for her. Kate said she can't say she enjoyed it because she thought she wasn't good at it. She said it looked good on film though.
Howard asked if she remembers the name that Scott Speedman went by in the movie. Kate knew it was Michael Corbin. Howard said that he remembers the house number at the start of the movie. He said that sticks in his head. He said it was 510. He said he has no idea why he knows it but he does. Kate said that's insane. Howard said that he has seen it enough that the address stays in his head. Kate said she just remembered the name. Howard said you must have to clear out the memory bank and move on to other stuff. Kate said she remembers that movie very well. She said that one sticks with her. She said it's crazy how the brain works. She said she has seen blooper reels from films she was miserable on. She said she sees things she held that she has no memory of holding.
Howard said he loves when Kate slices the vampire's head in half. He said those kind of movies can turn out to be really bad but he loved that one. He said he loves vampire movies. Kate said she feels like the grandma of those films now that everything is vampires and werewolves. Howard said he really thought that movie was very well done.
Howard asked if Kate has been offered any super hero movies. He said he loved that Van Helsing movie. Kate said she found that to be humiliating. She said she didn't love it. She said she felt like she was doing it like she was doing a vampire fetish kind of thing. She said you don't get the choice sometimes and she didn't do it because it was something she really wanted to do. Howard said she did that with Hugh Jackman. He asked if that's why she did it. Kate said there was a bit of confusion about her doing the movie. She said she wasn't sure she wanted to but her agent said she would do it. She said that was when her relationship was breaking up and she didn't want to go away on a film. She said that was very upsetting to her.
Howard asked what her opinion is on doing a movie and falling for a director. He said that's easy to do. He said that she fell for the director of Underworld. Howard asked if she felt for someone today on a film would she avoid it. Kate said probably. She said she wouldn't do that again. She said she didn't have a great experience. She said that she personally wouldn't do it. Howard said he thinks marrying a director isn't the right thing to do. He said that they work on movies for a year or two. He said it's all encompassing. Kate said that you think about the other people you meet and they move on to other places. She said the director is in the same spot mostly.
Howard asked if she gets upset when a movie ends. He said she must get attached. Kate said you do. She said that it feels like summer camp. She said the first movie she did was very tough when it came to an end. She said that she did one with Kenneth Branagh and that was tough too. She said she lived in a house with a bunch of people and she lived with Keanu Reeves among others. She said she thought that's how movies were and they would share homes. She said that she's never had another experience like that. She said she became friends with everyone after that. She said she copied down everyone's phone number off the call sheet and she thought she'd stay in touch with everyone because they were all so great.
Howard said doing a movie such a seductive experience. He said he fell in love with everyone on the set of his movie. He said he went into a depression after it was over. He said he wonders what it's like for a woman like her when she's in a house with so many big stars. Kate said she had a boyfriend and she can't cheat so she wouldn't even think about it.
Howard asked if they could make a movie today like that movie where Gary Oldman played a little person. He said Peter Dinklage was in it but he's a legitimate little person. Kate said it seemed like every little person in L.A. was in that movie. Howard asked if she thought that was kind of funny seeing Gary in that outfit. Kate said it was a lovely movie and he was always in prosthetics. She said she loved him so much. She said that's unbelievable that they'd make that now.
Howard said that he has to ask about this new movie on Paramount+. He said she went all blond for this movie. He said he's up to episode 2. He said he wishes they'd put it all out at once. Kate said she does too. She said she wants to binge things. Howard asked if she has asked them to put it out. Kate said maybe now that she and Howard have said it they'll listen. Howard said this is called Guilty Party and it's streaming on Paramount+.
Howard asked why she did the blonde hair. Kate said she didn't want her to look just like her. She said she was in a chaotic state and she wanted to show that she was vulnerable. She said that hair makes it stand out. Howard asked if she enjoyed doing it. Kate said she did. She said it was her first job working during COVID too. Howard asked if she's scared by this COVID thing. Kate said she is. Howard said he hasn't left his house. He asked if she got a booster shot. Kate said not yet. Howard asked if she's double vaxxed. Kate said she is.
Kate said the trouble for her is that it doesn't take a lot to make her into a full time hermit. She said she could stay home for a year or two or even four. She said that she will go out and have a good time if she's coaxed into it. She said she could be a hermit forever.
Howard asked what she does all day. Kate said she never gets bored. She said she reads and watches stuff. She said she talks to her mom and her kid. She said that she dresses up her cat a lot too. She said when you're an actor the hobby is acting. She said she fucked her back up putting leggings on. Kate said that her mom and step dad had back stuff and they told her about the John Sarno stuff. She said that his name comes up a lot. She said she has never had back things come up in her life. Howard said there's nothing wrong with her back. Kate said she never had issues before. Howard said think about it your back doesn't just go out. Kate said she was thinking about it and she has never had anything go wrong mechanically in her body. She said that what goes on with your back can be emotional. She said she did feel like she was feeling everything she had ever been upset about. She said that was quite unsettling for her. She said she's not quite out of it yet but she's working on it.
Howard asked what she does to stay in shape. He said she's in some shape. He said he loves that scene in Serendipity where she's running down the street and shows her belly when she lifts her arms up. He asked what she's doing to stay in shape. Kate said she does Yoga but not lately. She said she works out in the gym too. She said she doesn't run. She said she was doing that but she was thinking about things and did herself in with that.
Howard asked what she eats for breakfast. She said she has ground beef and butter. She said she has blood sugar that drops easily so she has to eat the right things. Howard said he thinks she looks perfect. He said it's unbelievable. He said he sees that his pervy friends are following her too. He said he felt like she was cheating on him. Kate said she'll block them if he wants her to. Howard thanked her for that.
Howard asked Kate how a guy can get her. Kate said she takes a breather of a year or so before getting into another relationship. She said that it's been a year or so now. Howard said he doesn't know how anyone does that. He said he can't be alone. Kate said she doesn't mind it. She said she wishes she liked it less. Kate said now she just has to stand next to someone at a party and they think they're dating. Howard said he's one of those guys. He said if he sees her in the paper with a guy he thinks she's hooked up with the guy. Kate said that if you see her at a party she's not with anyone there.
Howard said he likes that she's not with anyone. He said she should keep it that way. Howard said there's no one good enough for her. He said he didn't like when she was married to that director guy or with Michael Sheen. He said no one is good enough. Howard asked if she goes on dating apps at all. Kate said not at all. She said that's like inviting a serial killer into your life. She said she can't do that.
Howard said Drew Barrymore was on Raya and she showed up at someone's house in her pajamas. He said imagine that happens. He said that's crazy. Kate said she has been on a handful of dates and she doesn't hate it more than when someone has to eat a whole dinner. She said people are so brave and cool to be able to do that but she can't do it. She said she's socially freaked out.
Howard asked how someone meets her. Kate said that they'd have to come down the chimney at this point. She said she has only dated 3 or 4 people since she got divorced 8 or 9 years ago. She said she's not prolific at all. Howard asked where these guys take her. Kate said she would go out. She said that she went to a hockey game. Howard said then you're all out there. Kate said that was too much for her.
Howard said he's so happy being inside his house. He said he puts pants on. He said he has to be presentable for his wife. Kate said that he can't let himself go too much. Howard said he can't imagine her being single for a whole year. He said he's crediting her therapy. Kate said she's also very bad at picking. She said that Howard may have to help pick.
Howard asked if she feels she's hard to live with. He said maybe it's her. Kate said she's sure she's an acquired taste. She said that she's not repellant or anything but she's sure it's not easy to be with her. She said she can't close a drawer. Howard asked who cares about that. Howard said he would close drawers for her. He said he'd hire people to close them for her. He said it would be fun all the time. Kate said he should open a school.
Howard said she has done it again. He said she has charmed all of America. He said that she could monetize her Instagram. He said that would be a full time job. He said he'll follow whatever she does. He said he'll buy whatever she sells. He said she's delightful. Kate said he is too. Howard said he's watching her new show Guilty Party and it's very good. He said it's a cool story. He said it's very intriguing. He said go sign up for her Instagram too.
Kate said the Instagram is mostly her cat. Howard said he has a lot of cats there too. Kate said she might have to move in with Howard. She said that he can be her halfway house. Howard said he and Beth have saved over 1600 cats. Kate said she's more impressed now than ever. She said that she's not sure what Howard is talking about with the pictures. Howard showed some of the pictures he was talking about. He said she's so hot in them. She didn't know what Howard was talking about. Kate said that they're from photo shoots. She said she does some fun stuff in the house. Howard said he's a photographer so let him in that house.
Howard said that he knows she's been up all night so he'll let her go. He said that she's been very charming today. He said his favorite thing on her Instagram is that friend of her's with the shaved head. He said he likes her too. He said they're dancing in hot outfits. Kate said they did that on July 4th. She said they were going out for the first time. She said they did that before going out. Howard said it's fantastic. Kate said they often dress up and fool around. Howard asked if they ever get naked together. Kate said not fully but maybe in underpants. Kate said her friend's name is Kate too. Howard said thanks for all of that. He said that he liked the video of her cat riding the Roomba. He said the first 3 times he didn't even see her cat. He said he thought she was just posing. Kate said she won't be posing unless there's something stupid going on.
Robin said they never heard about what her IQ was. Howard said he still wants to know. Kate said she'll try her now. She said that Janet will text her. Howard said he thought the assistant was male. She said his name is Jared but they call him Janet.
Howard asked what the video is where she's in a hotel with her whole stomach exposed. She said that was a Mickey Rourke parody that they did. Howard said that was wild. He said that she's so hot. Kate said that she was just showing how much she looks like Mickey Rourke.
Robin and Howard asked why she never learned to drive. Kate said she never learned in England because she took some lessons and she was told she passed but it was in an automatic. She said they had a stick shift car and it's a completely different test. She said she couldn't drive that car so she just didn't do it. She said she kept doing movies and she never learned how to do it. She said now she's over thinking it. She said you have to be 18 or so to learn. Howard said his wife doesn't drive either. He said she can drive but she won't do it.
Howard told Kate about another picture she has on Instagram that he likes. She said that was from a photo shoot from Absolut vodka.
Kate called her mom instead of waiting for the text. She asked her mom what her IQ was. She said she thinks it was 152. Howard said ''Oh my god!'' He said that's like almost Einstein level. Kate said she's sure she's gotten more stupid over time. She said that she's been told that she'd be happier if it was lower. Howard said that's really high. He said that's hot that she can use it for learning Russian. Kate said he's never used that to do a movie.
Howard asked if she speaks fluent French too. Kate said she does. She said she lived there for a while. Howard said it's dizzying to him. He asked why any marriage fails for her. He said he'd do anything for her. He said that he just wonders. He said he has an IQ of like 77. He said it's actually 179. He said they can't find a test that high.
Howard said to say hi to ''Janet'' for him. Jared came over and got on the microphone so Howard asked what he does for her all day. Janet said he does everything from cat care to emotional support. Howard asked if he has access to her email. He said he dos have some. Howard said he has a guy on the show who would fit with him. Kate said she's always looking for someone for him. Howard asked if Janet ever takes the pictures for Instagram. Kate said he does at times. Janet said he's not very good at it.
Howard asked if he wants him to hook him up with a guy here. He said he has a guy there who would be an excellent match. Kate asked if he's 87. Howard said he's a young man. He said he thinks it might work. Kate said this is how she loses her assistant when he moves to New York. Howard said he can do a Gay Bachelor now. He said that he doesn't know how to get Chris on. He asked where he is.
Howard asked the guys to get Chris on but he wasn't there. Gary said he's not sure where he is. Howard said he's supposed to be there. Chris popped on and Kate said they look like twins. Howard asked if they're feeling something. Chris said he's getting a vibe there. He asked how old Janet is. Chris said he's 33. He said he's a little older. He said he has a boyfriend though. Howard said this boyfriend lives in another country. Kate thought he was making him up. Chris says he's really not.
Chris asked if Janet is a top or bottom. Howard said that might be too intimate. Kate said she's going to ask him to keep some of that secret. Howard let Chris go and said he's going to let Kate go too. He said he has to thank her for all of the great movies. He said Guilty Party is on Paramount+ and that's good too. Howard and Robin thanked Kate for coming on today. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said she's delightful. Robin said she can't believe Chris bought up he has a boyfriend. Howard said he told him he has to do it or else. He said it would be great if they were dating. Howard said it's just like Serendipity. He said that they can do the same thing.
Howard said he's not sure how he'd lose her. He said he'd make sure she loves him if they were in a relationship. He said he'd change whatever he had to change to make her happy. He said he'll change his whole personality.
Howard took a call from fake Jennifer Witz who told him that Chris had better fuck or else.
Howard said Janet really did look like Chris. He said that was wild. Robin said they were similar. Howard gave Kate more plugs and Robin said she has to check out that new show. She said that she'll watch it if it's good. Howard said it makes him happy.
Robin said that she likes the movie ''The Only Living Boy in New York'' and she keeps telling Howard to watch it. Howard said he's never seen that one. Robin said he has to check it out. Howard heard what the movie was about and he started doing his impression of his father as if he was the one in the movie dating Kate Beckinsale. Robin told Howard more about the plot of the movie and what happens in it. Howard was acting it out as his father.
Howard said he has to check that out. He asked if she's in outfits. Robin said she's glamorous and everyone is having sex. She said that Jeff Bridges is the dad and she starts sleeping with the dad. Howard said it's Pierce Brosnan as the dad actually. Howard said that's some movie. He said he has to check that out. Robin said he has to watch the movie because she's very aggressive as this character. She said she wants everything. Howard said now there's a movie. He said that's wild.
Howard said he wants to know about that movie. He said get her back on. He said imagine the outfits she's wearing in that. He said perfect casting. He said imagine Kate Beckinsale is your step mom.
Howard said they should get out of there. He said they have a big show tomorrow. He said that he has a guy on the phone who says Robin is way off about this movie. He took the call and the guy told Howard that the husband is fooling around with Beckinsale on the side. Robin said he is going to marry her. The caller said that he has to break up with the wife too. He went through the stuff that Robin messed up. He said it is a great movie and it has a great story and a great ending. He said Jeff Bridges is in it at the end. Robin said he's giving spoilers now. Howard didn't care. He said nothing is going to spoil it for him. Robin and the caller were telling Howard all of the details. Howard let the guy go.
Howard said he just wants to see her fucking the father and the son. He said they really should get out of there. He said Robin was pretty close with the story. Robin said that she did have the father and son having sex with Kate Beckinsale. Howard said in that case he'll watch it. He said he has to get out of there. He wrapped up and ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started the show with a knock on the door. He answered and said it's the 35th anniversary of Sam Kinison on the show. He said that's Sam at the door. He said Sam was this great comedian and he lived a wild lifestyle. He said he was into drugs and champagne and cocaine. He said he had a thing for Robin for sure. He said he had a charm and he almost charmed Robin's pants off. Robin said he did that when everyone was around. She said she was with him with no one else around and he wasn't like that. Howard said he was putting on a show.
Howard asked how old Sam was when he died. Robin said he was in his 40s. Howard opened the door to let Sam in. It was Craig Gass doing his Kinison impression. Howard asked him to say how old he was when he died. Sam said it's hard to remember when you've been hit by a fucking truck! He said he had some head trauma. Howard said he'll tell you how old he was. Howard said Sam was 38 years old when he died. Sam said ''Fuck!'' Howard said what's crazy is that of all the years he was that he was never that high around him. He said even when he died they said there were no drugs in his system. He said it turned out it was just 2 drugs. He said there was something in him. He said Sam loved drugs and getting high. Sam said it was a lifestyle.
Sam said at least he died what he loves doing. He said that's crashing head on into a truck. Howard said he thinks the guy who hit him was driving drunk and Sam was straight. He said that's crazy how he went out.
Howard said Sam was the best. He said he loved that giggle. Sam said he misses them too. He said they don't have much to do down in hell. He said Pig Vomit is down there too. He said that they have to listen to WNBC and they have a loop of the OJ verdict playing on a loop.
Howard said that the guy who hit Sam had a bunch of beer cans come out of his car. He said Sam was on his way to Loughlin Nevada to do a show. He said that his wife Malika was in the car and they had only been married for a week.
Howard said that Sam had been married before. Sam said it was his third marriage. He said that if he ever has a choice of getting married a fourth time or stay in hell he's guessing it's time to suck Satan's dick.
Howard said weed is legal now. Sam said that's great. Howard said imagine that. He said cocaine is still illegal though. Sam said he did love that while he was on earth.
Howard said he was talking to Robin about Sam and they were talking about how he was rubbing up against her and trying to touch her titties. Robin said she was just trying to get away. Sam said that's how you show a girl you love her. Howard said he was there but he felt like a third wheel. Sam said he was jealous of Howard's looks.
Howard said the greatest thing about Sam is that he once said to him that he was jealous of his looks. Howard said he was the first one to be jealous of his looks. He said Sam loved his hair because he was balding. Sam said that was coming from a guy who looks like Adele with tits. Howard said he didn't know they knew about Adele. Sam said they know about Adele down there because he's in hell.
Howard said he thought it was unbelievable that Sam was jealous of him. Robin said he should think about that every day. Howard said he wants to thank him for that.
Howard said one of the most touching moments he had with Sam was when he told him to come over to his house to spend a wholesome dinner with him. He said Sam came over with the two sisters. He said he was having an affair with both of them. He said they had a nice night and he thought he had gotten through to him. He said he thinks he still went out on stage high that night.
Howard asked Sam about the time they were in L.A. and they went in his car and he drove his car with his belly. Sam said they gave him such a hard time for that. He said they should want to live a little. Howard said Sam was going to go on a diet and he ordered spinach in butter sauce. Robin said it was creamed spinach. Sam said he has lost weight in hell. He said he burned some skin off his elbow from the heat. Howard said Sam thought he was eating a vegetable and it was covered in cream and butter. He said those are the moments he remembers about Sam.
Sam said it's 10,000 degrees down there but it's a dry heat. He said he can let Ronnie know that. Howard said he loves the Rodney special he did where he told the people to move from the desert thing. Sam said he still does that one down there in hell.
Sam said he has to go because Satan is getting a new roommate. He said he's some guy who invented his own pillow. Howard asked Sam to give him his yell. Sam gave him one. Howard asked if he had different levels of yells. Sam said he does. He said he can look at a couple in love in the audience and he gives them this one. He demonstrated that with one of his bits about marriage and what it's like.
Howard said he has to tell Sam that you can watch porn on your phone. He asked if he can imagine that. Sam thanked him for letting him know. He said he has to sit down there and watch Chris Farley fucking himself. He told Robin that he'll keep a seat open for her down there. Howard asked if Eddie Van Halen is down there. Sam said he's up in heaven. He said that they have Imus on the radio down there in hell. Howard said they'll have him back on in another 35 years. He let Sam go. Sam gave them another yell as he ran off.
Howard said there you go. He said Sam dated Jessica Hahn too. Robin said she hooked them up. She said she was the one who introduced them. Howard said that's right. He said he also dated Penny Marshall. He said someone put that up.
Howard got Sam back on to ask about Penny. Sam was gone. He said he didn't know he was in a rush to go. He said he's not sure where he was going. He said he's never heard him so busy.
Howard said Sam didn't know about porn but he did know about Wi-Fi. Robin said that was odd. Howard said that Robin did introduce Jessica to Sam. She took Jessica to a comedy show and Sam was there. Jessica fell for Sam there. Robin said some girls lose it for guys playing guitar but she fell for Sam doing that religious routine. Robin said that show just kept going on.
Howard got Sam back on and asked him about dating Penny Marshall. Sam said he did. He said he snorted a giant L off her tits. He said that was the highlight of his career. He said he did fuck Penny Marshall. Howard said he just wanted confirmation. Sam said it's not like he fucked Squiggy. He said he fucked Laverne. He said this is what they need on his show. Howard said he's still very funny. He said that he's sure that they wouldn't let a lot of his material on the radio now. He said people have become politically correct now. Sam asked what that means. Howard said a lot of things have changed. He said he has to get out of here and not get into this. Robin said he's pretty sure that Sam would get canceled. Sam said he'll have to call him up and let him know how stupid people are now. Howard said it's a new world.
Sam asked if Robin still enjoys anal. Howard said she's closed that door. Sam told him not to tell him that. He asked if it was just that one time. Howard said it's an exit only now. Sam told her to do it for the team. Howard was going to let Sam go again but he said he misses them and he misses cocaine. Howard said he must miss the champagne too. He said he would put that stuff down. Sam said he does love to drink. Howard let Sam go a short time later. Sam said he wants to stick his dick between those ass cheeks. He said those tits are something too. Howard asked Robin if she ever thought about doing him. Robin said Sam wanted to do it because it would make the papers. Howard said he never said that to a woman. He said he should have tried that.
Howard said it's good that Sam is dead because they can't cancel him. Sam said he'll stay down there in hell. He said tell Ronnie they're waiting for him. Howard said on his grave stone it says that in another time and day he would have been called Prophet. Sam said he wanted ''Coke was cheaper when I was alive'' on the stone.
Robin said he should try new ones. Howard said he won't do it. He said he likes what he has. He said they say old people are brand loyal. He said once you find something you like you never change. He said you get to be like an old bitch. He said he won't change to new sneakers.
Howard said he's an old man. He said it's over for him. Robin said he could try and break that bond. Howard said she's not going to sell him something new. He said he's brand loyal. He said he has toothpaste he loves and he won't change. He said Beth was trying to find this stuff on the internet. He said it's the same stuff he doesn't want to change. Robin said that things have gotten better. Howard said he doesn't care about that. He said this is what happens when you get older. He said you get to be a curmudgeon. He said that's the way he likes it.
Robin said she's been trying new things. Howard said he's frozen in time. He said he stopped buying new things in the 90s. He said he shut the door on new things.
Howard said he loves these shoes but they make his feet stink. He said that they have memory foam in them and they must remember the stink. He said he loves smelling it though. He said they're Skechers sneakers. He said that Beth found them but they must have changed them. He said he wants these. He said he wants to find more of these specific sneakers. He said he's not sure what the model number is. He said they're awesome though. Robin said he could find something he likes if he just tried something new. Howard said he's a dumb ass. He said he only uses these indoors. He said he never wears them outside. He said Beth doesn't like him bringing stuff in from outside on his sneakers. He said these are his indoor sneakers. He said he thought she was going to divorce him over the smell. He said Robin would throw up from the smell.
Robin said they had an intern once who had really smelly feet. Robin said she used to pick him up on the way to work and she had to open the windows because of the smell. Howard said his feet are that bad.
Howard said he watches his own shows before Beth comes to bed. He said he was watching The Walking Dead. He said he still loves it. He said she hates that show. Howard said he's catching up on this season. He said Beth comes in and she asks what that is. He said she thinks it's too loud. He said that he puts it up to hear them talking but then the zombies come on and it's loud. He said it's aggravating. He said they have that discussion every night. He said Beth falls asleep in 10 minutes anyway.
Howard said he read in the paper that there was controversy over Olivia Jade. He said she's the one whose parents bought her way into college. Howard said that's what she's known for. He said they got her into USC by buying her way in. He said that's not even an ivy league school. He said he's not sure why they'd do that. He said he told Beth America was going to hate Olivia Jade because of that.
Howard said they have tape of Trump asking the governor of Georgia to find 11,000 votes to turn the election around. He said they have tape! He said people hate cheaters but for some reason they don't hate this guy for that. Howard said they have the guy on tape saying that he wants the guy to dig up votes and cheat to make him the president. He said it's such bullshit this investigation. He said they're not going to do anything about it even after the investigation. He said Steve Bannon isn't going to tell them anything. He said he'd rather go to jail. He said he's not sure what the guy even does for a living. Robin said he has web sites and writes for them. Howard said these lunatics will worship him if they throw him in jail.
Robin wondered what Trump wants to do with the country that makes him want this so bad. Howard said he wants the power to run the country. He said he'd own everything and it would be game over. Robin said he's not going to run it constitutionally. She said he ignores the constitution. Howard said congress is never going to do anything if they already have tape of Trump asking for them to find votes to get him to win Georgia. Howard said he'd be throwing a lot of people in jail. Robin said they say they don't want to get to the point of throwing our presidents in jail. Robins said you have to if you have a criminal president.
Howard said that was his point about Dancing with the Stars. He said no one likes a girl who pays to get into USC. He said she went on Dancing with the Stars and she can dance pretty well. Robin said she was amazing the past couple of weeks. Howard said America voted and even though she had high scores they voted her off. Howard said she had really high scores but at the end of the show they had this vote. He said the bottom two included Olivia Jade. He said she was shaky from it. He said she must have seen that America really hates her. Howard said Derek Hough said that this was a hard decision. He said they should have done that from the beginning and kicked her off. He said she got into USC unfairly. He said America is doing what they were afraid to do. He said they were handling it. He said justice was being meated out. He said no one likes the most popular girl in school. Robin said she's very immature and speaks like a 15 year old. Howard said they had to see justice being served so he told Beth they had to watch to the end.
Howard said he didn't think America was going to let her win. He said they were going to say that they have to get rid of her because they're not ready to forgive. Howard said the judges saved her in the end though. He said that she was up against Mel C from the Spice Girls. He said he was sad for her. He said she took it really hard. He said he didn't know she needed this so bad. He said she looked into the camera and she looked like they had killed a member of her family. Howard said Len saved Olivia Jade in the end.
Howard said he would have loved to be able to have saved people on America's Got Talent. He said they could have gotten a real man in there.
Howard said he thinks Len saved Olivia because she's hotter than Mel C. He said she's younger and she wears less clothing so she might get them more ratings.
Howard said when he was on America's Got Talent he told them that it would be great if the other judges were making no sense and he cold make a trap door open and make them disappear.
Howard said he never shuts up during the whole show so Beth asks him to quiet down in his private life a little bit. He said she knows his opinion and he gets very upset when this woman Amanda Kloots is on. He said her husband died of COVID. He said that people were tuning in to see how he was doing but she's a professional dancer. He said it's not fair. He said the judges have forgotten about that. He said she got paid to dance on Broadway. He said that means you're one of the greatest dancers if you work like that. He said one night she put her foot over her head. He said he'd fall over if he tried to do that. He said it's unfair to have her on the show. He said it would be like the Rolling Stones trying out for American Idol.
Howard said that they have this JoJo Siwa on the show and she outdanced Amanda Kloots. He said that they said that Amanda was a Rockett. He said she's competing on the show and it's just not fair. Robin asked what kind of scores she got. Howard said she got one 9 and the rest were 10s. He said JoJo got all 10s. He said Amanda is going to win. He said America is pretty fucked up when it comes to lesbians so he doesn't think JoJo can win it. He said he thinks Amanda is going to win it.
Richard said they're going to play The Blue Danube and they're going to take turns pissing. Howard said he's doing this under protest. He said he knows this was Sal's idea. Sal said it was a collaboration. Richard said they had a team of people working on this thing. Howard said Sal is an animal. He said Richard wanted to save this bucket they got for him to make homemade beer in it. He said maybe take a pass on that. Richard just laughed.
Howard said he's pretty sure he's going to throw up from this. He asked why they're naked. Richard said it adds to the vibe. He said they love being naked too. Howard said they wear special outfits like they do on Dancing with the Stars.
Howard had the guys do their thing. They played The Blue Danube song and then Richard and Sal took turns pissing into their metal buckets. Sal didn't do as well as Richard did. Sal was choking. Howard said you fucking moron. Richard kept going. Howard asked why he's fucking it up. Sal said he's getting pee shy and he's never had that before. Howard told Sal not to fuck this up. Sal had the last piss and messed it up. He just dribbled a bit. Howard said you douche bag. Richard said he can do it again. Sal said he's not sure what's happening. He said he got pee shy.
Howard started the song over again and had Richard do it again. Richard was performing just fine. Then Sal tried it again and he didn't have the piss ready to go. Richard kept going and going. Sal did have a good splash at one point. Howard said he's never been more disappointed in him.
Richard said he could probably go again. Howard said this is what they hired Sal for. He said this is his whole job. Sal said this has never happened to him before. Howard asked what's going through his head. Sal said his whole body is choked up. He said his cock is choked up. Howard said this is why Richard won John's job. He said they hired Sal out of pity after Richard got hired.
Sal said he was rehearsing this for weeks. He said he did pee this morning but then he started drinking. He said he did everything right. Howard asked if Richard peed when he woke up. Richard said he did at 5 but then he started drinking. He said he wants to let the rest of his pee out. Howard played the song again and let Richard do his thing. Richard said he needs a new pee partner.
Richard did it once again and peed every time. Sal was still unable to pee. Howard laughed. Richard let out a ton of pee at the end. He said he had to let it out. Howard said Sal should be fired for this. Sal said he's disgusted by himself.
Robin asked how they cross streams and he can't do anything there. Richard said he was pretty nervous too. He said he was hoping he'd be able to do this. He said it's one thing to do a rehearsal. Sal apologized for the whole thing. He said they did rehearse it. Howard said this is his whole job. Sal said he can't piss right now. He said it's like a curse. He said it's fucking weird.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to say that he's on his way to class and he wants some calmness and this guy is fucking it up. He said Sal ruins everything. Howard said Sal has been waiting to do this for months and he fucked it up.
Howard took a call from Fake Sal's Wife who told him to just piss. She told him to just take a fucking piss because their son's tuition is due.
Howard said he should say a couple of things. He said Sal is nude in his basement and his family has no idea. Sal said that has led to the pee shyness. He said he has some anxiety going on. Howard asked if Sal is jealous of Richard's marriage. He said his wife doesn't care. Richard said she thought it was funny. Sal said she's very supportive. He said his policy is ''don't ask don't tell.'' Sal said that it'll be great when she hears it from a friend.
Fun George Takei knocked on the door and came on to tell Sal what an embarrassment he is. He said he's going to show him how it's done. He said he's going to do it to a song from his musical Allegiance. He had Howard cracking up at the song because he was making it sound like he was pissing through the whole song. Howard gave him some applause for that. Richard asked him to be his new piss partner. Sal told Richard to go make his beer.
Howard said William Shatner can't do that. He said he bets he can't do that. George said he can't do that at all.
George said this is the most penis filled time of the year. He sang a song about Cocktober. He said he loves this time of year. Howard said he knows Brad has to get in there to clean up his piss. George told Brad to bring in his two rags with Shatner's face on them to clean it up.
Howard let Fun George go and got back to Sal and Richard. Sal said he knows pee is his life and he just choked. Howard said next year they're going to have Richard do this solo. He said it'll be like when Simon left Garfunkel. He said Richard will go on to a bigger and better career. He said he'll have to watch Richard perform.
Howard said it's going to be a Sal free Cocktober next year. He said he's there with his useless dick in his hand. He said Richard is the MVP of Cocktober. Sal said he's so heartbroken.
Howard said a couple of years ago he had to go into the hospital and he had to have a tube up his dick. He said they pull the catheter out when they're done. He said he told the nurse that he should be able to urinate in the next hour or they'd have to put it back in. He said there was no way they were putting it back in. He said she left the room and he was in a panic. He said he started drinking water like crazy. He said he drank like 10 bottles. He said he was trying to pee and he had that look that Sal had on his face. He said that he kept trying and trying and it was hurting. He said his balls ached from it. He said he just wanted to go to sleep. He said he knew the nurse was coming in. He said he got a little dribble out. He said that he was told to rest in bed but he couldn't lay down. He said he still wasn't able to pee. He said he was up for 3 or 4 hours trying to pee. He said they were killing him. He said he wasn't able to pee just like Sal. He said he was ready to jump out the window. He said every couple of hours he was able to pee just a little bit. He said he had that same dumb look on his face that Sal has on his.
Richard asked if Sal pooped this morning. Sal said he did not. Richard said that might be the problem. Howard said as soon as he turns off the microphones he knows Sal will have to pee. Sal said he feels like his cock is numb. He said it's turned on him. Howard told Sal to go work for NPR since he can't do anything now.
Howard took a call from fake Jim Meyer, the former CEO of SiriusXM, who said that he leaves and the whole place turns to shit. He was apparently calling from Jamaica because there were steel drums playing.
Robin told Sal to stop touching himself. Sal said he was shaking the plugs like you do with spark plugs in the car when it won't start. Sal said he has no urge to pee at all right now. He said he's not sure what's going on.
Howard said look at Sal's tits. Robin said he has farm animal tits like Ed Torian said. Sal said keep piling on. Howard said sometimes he watches football and there's the guy who kicks the field goal. He said then the guy misses one. He said this is what that's like. Robin said that happened this weekend during a game. She said the ball just sails off to the side. Howard said that's just what this is like. He said Richard is a fucking monster. He said he's able to perform.
Howard said Richard is a hero and Sal is a giant failure again. He said he wrote the bit and he failed. Howard asked if Richard is going to wash the bucket or just make beer in it. Richard said it smells so he's going to wash it. He said he's peed several times down there already. He said he'll pee in a water bottle during the show. Sal said he's like a dog. He said he'll just take a shit on the street. Howard said Sal can't attack Richard at this point. Sal said he's just ashamed of himself.
Howard asked if Richard's son is allowed down there. Richard said he loves it down there.
Howard said they wanted to send Richard a plastic sheet for under the bucket and he said that's not necessary. He said he doesn't care about splashing. Richard said it's concrete so it's fine.
Howard let Richard and Sal go after that. He said they were plotting this thing like it was the Emmys. He asked Jason how many hours they did for rehearsal. Jason said at least 4 hours. He said it was a lot of time. He said the last one they did before today they nailed it. He said he's not sure what happened to Sal. Howard said maybe you tape it and show it during the live show like they do on Saturday Night Live. Richard said they do tape the rehearsal so they can show it like Sal knows what he's doing. He said the rehearsal was great.
Howard asked if he saw the look on Sal's face. Jason said he looked so miserable and impotent. He said he liked how he said this has never happened to him before like he's done it before. Howard said he loves that he's such a loser. He said Richard had that big dopey look on his face. Jason said meanwhile Sal is shaking that dead piece of skin down there. He said he's useless at every corner. Robin said he kept reaching down there even when they were done. Howard said don't be touching that thing now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was great and so funny. He said hats off to Richard. He said he should make some beer in that bucket. He said they need Dr. Sarno on to find out what's going on with Sal's penis. Howard said Sal will have to wander off and live in the wilderness for a year after this.
The caller said he gets pee shy sometimes too. Howard said he gets pee shy in public too but Sal is the one who came up with this.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said they shouldn't play this song because it stops him in his tracks and weirds him out. He said it has such an effect on him. He said she wrote this song after having a fight with a friend. He said Maren didn't like the way she was reacting to other's success. He said the way she sings and plays guitar makes him nuts. He said he likes this part here. He said some songs just hit it.
Howard said the Joe Walsh song Rosewood Bitters gets him too. He wondered what Joe is up to. Robin said they might be out on tour. Gary said they are going out again. Howard said if he could play guitar he'd get out of the house and do that. He said if you write songs and you can go out and make dough doing that, what could be better? He said the glory is there and you've written the songs already. He said he has to be up writing shit every night to do this show. He said he has to retell stories and come up with more to make it funny. He said you're constantly trying to figure out what to turn the audience on.
Howard said singers can go out and sing but a magician has a limited act. He said America's Got Talent was flawed. He said the show was dumb but he took it seriously. He said it wasn't fair that singers can sing every week and the others have to come up with something new to do. He said they had a dude on there who was from Russia or somewhere and had a dog running around while plates were spinning. He said he should win but he can't. He said he spent his life spinning plates.
Howard said Joe Walsh is currently touring with the Eagles. He read some details about that. He saw that Glenn Frey's son is in it and Vince Gill is out with them. Gary said he saw them about a month ago. He said they were amazing. He said Joe is still the star of the show. He said he didn't get to see Joe but he did see the concert. Howard said he's wondering how he's doing. Gary said the concert was outdoors. He said he got tested that morning before going. Howard said he's confused about everything. He said he has friends who are out doing stuff. Robin said she has a friend who is out doing stuff too. Howard said he knows people think he's being too cautious but Robin has to be. Robin said she's in Colin Powell's position.
Robin said she was going to do something this weekend but she changed her mind. She said she has a friend who teaches classes and she was going to go to this one but she can't. She said you have to be in the classroom. Howard said they should set her up on Zoom. Robin said it's not Zoom. Howard said they should set it up.
Howard said Vince Gill joined the Eagles in 2017 when Glenn Frey passed away. He said he's not even sure who Vince Gill is.
Fred played some Rosewood Bitters. He said it works for Joe. He said he has that stuffed up nose but this song works. Howard asked if this is from the show. Fred said it is. Howard said that's really good.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to let him know that Rosewood Bitters was written by Michael Stanley. He said that he wrote it about 50 years ago. He said he should check the guy out. Howard said he should. The caller said Stanley wrote the song in college. Howard said he wishes he had been able to write that kind of stuff in college.
Bobo said he has some thoughts on the Kim Kardashian Saturday Night Live monologue. He said he thought it was brilliant. Howard said Bobo's questions aren't that great. He said he asks him for his thoughts on things that he watches. He said he just threw out Kim Kardashian and he wants him to make something out of it. He said there's no thought on his part. Bobo said there is though. He said he enjoyed her sketches and thought she was spot on.
Howard said he wrote about Kim in his last book. He said he admires her for having this career of asking people interested in her life. He said you wonder what her talent is but people watch her. He said they enjoy seeing her antics with her sisters. Robin said people want to be her and do what she does. Howard said she must have some talent in that.
Fred did his Bobo puppet voice and asked Howard some questions of his own. Howard asked the real Bobo what he has on that legal pad. Bobo said he has some Fred questions. He said he did 9 movies and he's not sure how he had time to do all of them. Howard said Bobo has weird questions like he wants him to riff on stuff.
Bobo said he's never heard of these movies that Fred has been in. He named the movies and said he was in a lot of stuff. Howard said Fred did some film work. He said they talked about it on the air a lot of times. He said he's not sure where he wants him to go with that. Bobo said he had a trivia game based on that. Robin asked if he only has one question on the game. Bobo said he has like 7. Howard said after WCCC Fred went to a top 50 station. Bobo asked what the station was. He had some choices. Howard said it was WAQY.
Howard said he's not sure what happened to the Kim Kardashian question. He said he may not even want to know. Robin said Bobo may already know the answer. She said he does that a lot and asks questions he knows the answer to.
Howard said he did watch Saturday Night Live With Kim Kardashian. He said that people are praising her for it but he thinks people are impressed with simple things. He said she did fine but is there a great sketch she did? He said she handled herself well in that sense but it wasn't that great.
Howard said he has to go. Bobo puppet kept asking questions for his thoughts on things like the moon landing. Howard said Kim was serviceable in a way that most people could be. Robin said she wasn't stepping out in a way that wasn't about her.
Bobo asked what he thought about the Aladdin sketch with Pete Davidson and Kim. Howard said he doesn't remember that actually. Howard said Bobo must be very taken with Kim. Bobo said she's hot so who wouldn't be. Howard said good talking to you Bobo. He said way to go. Bobo said he still has something bothering him about Caitlyn Jenner. He said that she has all of these resources but hasn't changed her voice to sound like a woman. He said you have to watch Cassandra James because she looks like a woman and really changed the trans world.
Bobo said that Howard never mentions The Miz on Dancing with the Stars and he loves Howard. Howard said there are certain people he fast forwards through. He said he doesn't watch that guy. He said he apologizes but he fast forwards through him. Bobo said he's always dropping show references. Howard said he thinks the girl he's dancing with is really hot though. He said he may have to watch more of him.
Howard said the Bobo Puppet got a makeover. He said he's in a car now. Bobo said that he has to go out in his car to get away from the Misses. Fred showed Howard the new stuff on the puppet. Howard said he is way more interesting than the real Bobo. Bobo Puppet thanked him.
Howard asked Bobo if he has more Fred trivia. Bobo asked where Fred was born. He gave him multiple choice. Howard said he's not sure what he even said. Bobo went through them again and Howard still didn't get it. Fred said it's actually correct with two of his answers.
Bobo started to ask another one but Howard said he has to get out of this and hung up on him.
Howard said he has 18 legal pads of questions. Robin said they're terrible questions. Howard said they should have him on to go through all of the questions. He said he would do that. He said that could be a show. He said it might be a show. He said he's not sure though. Robin said he gets stuck on things like the feature films that Fred was in. Fred played a song parody about Bobo.
Howard said that's a super fan if you have 18 legal pads of questions. He said War and Peace may have been on less paper.
Tan Mom said she's going through a drive through treatment. She said they just shoot it in your face in a drive through. She said she wanted to get it done this morning so that's what she's doing. She said it's the first time. She said it takes like 5 minutes. Howard asked if she just droves up and then drives off. She said you do. She said that you do it up front but you can order and go through. She said it's like a McDonald's.
Robin asked where she's getting it injected. Tan Mom said it's in the chin area. She said it's an uplifting area. She said it's nothing ''dramatical.''
Howard said she once got a Vampire facial where they inject blood into your face. Tan Mom said she's getting her chin done this time. She said she's feeling a little bit of age. Howard asked if she feels that she wants to get out and date now that her husband is gone. Tan Mom said no. She said she does everything for herself and not for someone else. She said this is just for her.
Howard said Memet was telling him that she's been talking to some guy online and he thinks she's being cat fished. Tan Mom said she knows about that.
Memet said that he told Howard about this in the spring. He said that they were having phone sex over Facetime and Tan Mom was revealing herself to the guy and the guy wasn't revealing himself to her. He won't show his face. Memet said that she's communicating with the guy again. Tan Mom said she broke it all off and then it was like a whirlwind and he turned his whole attitude around.
Memet said she told him that he was all about her body but now he wants to get to know her as a person. Tan Mom said he's going to take her out to dinner. She said she cut it off with him but then he did agree to call Memet so things have changed. Memet said he didn't know that. Tan Mom said she just talked to him a couple of days ago.
Howard said he's worried about this. He said they get on and talk and he won't show his face. He said she's showing her face and body. Tan Mom said she saw his face from the get go. She said that he's always on in Florida. She said he has changed and maybe he grew up or something. She said she doesn't deal with that nonsense anymore. She said they're very compatible. She said she did break up with him and then she started up with him again.
Howard said he heard that Tan Mom was hired to be a brand ambassador for a diet company but then she had to pay them $400. Memet said he's worried about her. Tan Mom said it's not a scam. She said that it's a friends of her's that she's working with. She said he can sell stuff so easily herself. She said that she didn't get all of her stuff yet. Howard said he's worried about her.
Howard said he has to assign Memet to her and have him advise her on stuff. Robin said that they must have just sold her some product. Tan Mom said she never said she was going to be a brand ambassador. She said she just said she was going to sell some stuff. Memet said he'll find out more about this and the new boyfriend. Howard said Memet will be her conservator like Britney Spears' father.
Howard said even going through a drive through window to get Botox is something he'd consider not doing. Tan Mom said her friend has done it. She said he has had Botox before too.
Howard asked Tan Mom if she has had sex with anyone since her husband died. Tan Mom said no. Memet said she did say that she's in the market though. Tan Mom said there are people out there on Facebook who are out of their minds. She said never hit ''confirm'' when you get message requests.
Howard took a call from a staffer pretending to be a guy looking for Tan Mom to be a brand ambassador for his company. Howard asked how much it'll cost her. The guy said she just has to send him $5,000 so they can fly her around the world. Tan Mom said that's a scam. Howard let him go and then let Tan Mom go. He told her to keep in touch.
Robin said Tan Mom thinks that the guy she's on Facetime with is blurry because he's in New Jersey.
Howard said Tan Mom is supposed to be on Judge Springer this year. JD said it involves Adam Barta in some way. He said he's looking for it to show up on the web site. Gary said he has a strange feeling that Adam wants him to get Tan Mom on to take about it to get some press. He said that's what it feels like to him. Howard said he can't imagine she's concocting anything.
Howard said he has to take a break here. He said he'll get to some fan feedback. Robin said that was too much information so it's good they're taking a break. Howard said Pat Robertson is retiring from his TV show so they can go though some of the insanity from that guy from over the years. He said that guy is having a good life.
Howard said he has so much to get to but he has to take a break. He said they had their big Cocktober event today that was ruined by Sal. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said they're building to the big moment in the song. He let that play for a short time. He asked where those dudes are. He said this song came out in 1994 and they were only 15 years old at the time. He said that's crazy. He said you should have seen him at 15. He said he thinks he was mastering the art of taking quaaludes and hiding it from his parents. He said he was a mess and a waste of time. He said he told his wife about the quaaludes that he took. He said Beth never experienced that. He said she told him he made it sound great. Howard said it was great for him. He said he found the perfect medication. He said it made him want to fuck so bad but he didn't have anyone to fuck.
Howard said he was thinking about Tan Mom going on the Jerry Springer show. He said you used to have to be a judge to be a TV judge. He said now Jerry is a judge. He said that Judge Wapner was a real judge. He said Judge Judy was a real judge. He said one of the syndication companies wanted him to be a judge years ago. He said he told them that he thought you needed a law background. He said he entertained that for a while because he read that Judge Judy makes like $96 million a year doing that show. He said she just walks in and does her judging. He said that's easier than America's Got Talent. He said he did think about doing it.
Howard said everyone gets paid when they go on those shows. He said he'd walk in dressed up like the old school judge with the wig and all of that. He said he'd have a robe and the powdered wig. He said that would be his thing. He said he thought it would be too stupid to do it.
Howard said there are so many judge shows out there now. He said anyone can be a judge now. He said Judge Wapner was a real judge. He said he can respect that guy. He said Jerry Springer is no judge. Robin said he has been to court a lot so that's how he's qualified.
Howard said imagine going to Jerry Springer to be a judge. Robin asked why people love him so much. Howard said he's an older man and he has a nice hair cut so he looks legit. He said it works because of that. Robin said he did that stupid show where everyone fought for years and years. She said they still play that show in reruns. She said they asked Jerry to do another show and have him as a judge now.
Howard said they can't believe they got a guy who was the Mayor of Cincinnati to be on a show. He said they have people beating each other up on that show. He said it works.
Howard said he almost did the judge show for the money but he would have felt stupid. Howard said the worst part of the Jerry Springer show is the final thought. He said they didn't tune in for that. He said they eventually did away with it.
Howard said he would always sit there with his final thought about how you should never write a check to a hooker.
Howard said Ed Koch was a judge and then mayor. He said he got a TV show as a judge too. He said standards are really going down.
Howard played a clip of Dennis talking about what he did. He said it's preferable to have natural immunity than to have a vaccination. He said this is what he hoped for the entire time. He said he engaged with strangers, took photos with them and hugged them. He said he was hoping to get natural immunity. He said he wanted to get it and take care of it with natural therapeutics. Howard said this is crazy time. He said he's not sure how you take this guy seriously. He said it's like he's in an insane asylum. He said he's not sure why he thinks it's better to take one thing over the other. He said you could die from this COVID. He said our bodies are in a war and we're not equipped to handle this COVID. He said this guy must be nuts.
Howard said he regrets calling Kyrie Irving the top idiot in the country. He said this guy might take his spot. Robin said that guy just doesn't want to be told to take it. Robin said he will still get $17 million sitting at home. Howard said if he spent his whole life playing basketball and he reaches the NBA he'd do anything to play. He said he'd take his youth to play and take that fucking vaccine. Robin said he thinks he can play the rest of his life.
Howard said this Prager guy likes his utensils to fall on the floor and then eat with them. Robin asked if he's serious. Howard said yeah. He said he doesn't get the idea that you ask for a new fork because some slob was just there. Robin said people are walking with their dirty shoes in here.
Howard played a clip of Prager talking about dropping utensils on the floor and how he will eat with them. Howard said his voice seems to have changed after COVID. In the clip Prager was talking about how they rush over to change his fork if it falls on the floor. He said it's not picking anything up off the floor.
Howard said when his food falls on the floor he just eats it. He said he gets on all fours and sticks his face into the food and eats it. He said he prefers it that way.
Howard said last year this Prager guy was upset about the use of the N-word being taken away. He played a clip of Prager talking to a caller about how ''the left'' is taking that away. He said it's idiotic that you can't say the N-word. He said you should never call someone that word but you can't even say it. He said you have to say ''the N-word.'' Howard said maybe people are just trying to be more sensitive.
Howard said he saw that Mel Gibson was just cast in a John Wick movie. He said they're ruining the series for him. He said it's a prequel series. Howard said he would still watch it but fuck Mel Gibson. He asked how he didn't get canceled. He said he can give you a reminder of what he did. He mentioned some of the stuff he said about the Jews and his yelling at his girlfriend. He played some clips of him yelling at his girlfriend and using the N-word.
Howard said he's still working and doing just fine. He said he doesn't want him involved with John Wick though. He said if you hire someone for John Wick can you hire people who hide their anti-Semitism? Howard played another clip of Mel yelling at his girlfriend and telling her to just smile and blow him.
Howard said he has to admit that he loves that he goes ''You should just shut up and blow me... because I deserve it.'' He said he thinks he deserves a blow job. He said that woman sounds hot too. Mel said she looked like a whore.
Howard said he wants to be on that guy's team but he's making it hard. Robin said she was on his team until now. She said she was there for all of those Lethal Weapon movies. Howard said so was he.
Howard did his Mel Gibson impression and had him demanding a blow job. He played more of the Mel clips where he was yelling about all of that.
Robin said she's not sure why that's not as bad as what Harvey Weinstein was doing. Howard said Harvey was raping people. He said that's worse. Robin said it's not far from that. Howard said that's one step below. Robin said you can still work.
Howard said Mel gets so worked up. He said he says ''Ba-low'' me. He said it sounds like ''Baloney.'' He said it's fucking awesome. He said that guy gets worked up. He said he's never had that kind of passion. Robin said he's a Karen but he's a dude. Howard asked questions that had the answer ''Baloney'' so they could use the blow-me clip.
Howard asked why she doesn't like the mandates. Bambi said it's the people leaving the facility because of the mandates. Robin said they're forced to take other vaccinations. Bambi said she knows. Howard said Dr. Bambi has called in before. He said her parents didn't know she was going to be a doctor. He said they must have thought they were going to have a stripper. He said they didn't know it was going this way.
Howard asked why the name Bambi. He asked if there's a weird story there. Bambi said that's her pseudo name for when she did karaoke. Howard said he gets it.
Howard said they say that the NY Times reported there were 1,557 COVID deaths and 79,348 new cases yesterday. He said it's not over. He said we're over 700,000 deaths so far. He said they won't take the vaccine though.
Dr. Bambi said she goes to this place for her information from Dr. Gregory Poland from the Mayo Clinic. She said he's very good and that's a good resource. She said it's very up to date and very quick. She said Dr. Agus does a great job too. Howard asked what his name was again. Dr. Bambi said it's Dr. Poland. She said he's a vaccine expert and he does a marvelous job. She thanked Howard for supporting the medical staff.
Howard asked what Dr. Poland is saying about going out. Dr. Bambi said that we all have to vaccinate and keep our masks on. She said that we have to keep vigilant but we're not doing that. Howard said he believes he's right. He said we're never going to get out of this thing. He said there are a lot of break through cases. Dr. Bambi said it's happening more so keep doing what you were doing before.
Howard asked if Dr. Bambi is hot. She said that he's very nice. Howard asked if he's right. Dr. Bambi said she's not the skinniest one he'll know but she works hard. Howard asked what she weighs. She said 150. Robin said how dare he ask her that. Howard said he asks everyone. Howard asked if she's 9 feet tall. Dr. Bambi said she's not. She said that she has big boobs. Howard asked if she's married. She said she is very happily married. Howard said thanks and said he won't get any more personal.
Howard said it was that Doctor Patient fantasy he was trying to have there. He said he doesn't go to female doctors because he's embarrassed by the size of his penis. Robin said it always goes to sex when he talks to a woman. Howard said he knows. He said he thinks there's something wrong with him. He said he has a real problem. Robin said the male mind and testosterone always veers off. Howard said he doesn't like people like himself.
Howard read some feedback about Kate and how he's been stalking her like Apples stalks Ronnie on Instagram.
Howard said a lot of lovely email and texts came about Chris doing his Blue Iris impression. He said that's on the app. He said he'll play that again. He played a clip of Chris doing the impression after they played clips of the real Blue Iris. Howard laughed.
Howard read some comments they got about Chris' impression. Howard had a list of some of the lines that Chris used. Howard said Blue was only 62 when she died. He said that she was only in her 50s on the show. He said that's shocking. He said some people do not age well.
Howard asked Chris if he does that moaning sound that she makes. Fred played the clips and Chris did his impression of them. Howard said that's a good sound to master. Chris said he should have done that for Janet the other day. Howard said he was kind of lacking with personality when he was on with him. Chris said he knows this guy reads the web site so he didn't want to do anything. Howard said Chris is the one who complains to him about gay relationships ending suddenly. He said this guy he's with lives in another universe. He said he doesn't know. He said he was thinking Janet would be a good catch. Chris said that Janet is all over the place with Kate. He said he's not sure he could date someone named Janet. Howard said that he doesn't have to call him that. He said that wasn't his real name. Howard said he could come up with something else.
Howard said he'd like to change his name to something like Sandra. He said he has a cousin Stacy whose real name was Edward. Chris said he doesn't get into that. He said he wants to be with a man, not with a Sharon. Howard said he thought that Janet looked a lot like Chris. Chris said he was shocked. He said that blew his fucking mind. He said he was a little star struck.
Howard said he heard that his boyfriend thought he could really force him to date Janet. Chris said he odes have that jealousy thing going. He said he was scared that he could really make him do it. He did his impression of the boyfriend talking to him with his Hispanic accent. Chris said he almost gets childish about the whole thing. Howard said they claim they're not boning any other dudes. Chris said he's not but he's not sure about the other guy. He said he has a lot of followers because he has great abs.
Howard said if he were his doctor he wouldn't want to see him in a thong. Chris said he knows. Howard said he doesn't have pictures of Dr. Agus like that.
Howard said if he were gay he'd have gay names for his friends. He said that Elton John had them for his friends. He read a list of those names.
Howard said to answer the question about Chris and Janet he knows it would be fun so that's why he did it. He said that Janet was kind of a Twink like Chris. He asked if he could date a guy like that. Chris said sure. He said last time he tired to hook him up it didn't go so well. Howard said Andy Cohen would be fucking him right now if he wasn't as big a star as he is.
Howard asked when Chris last saw his boyfriend. Chris said that was in September. Howard said that's when he stick his dick in his ass. Chris laugh and said that's right. Howard said he flipped him over and stuck his dick in his ass. Chris said he doesn't know what he is anymore. Howard asked if he has stuck his dick in that guy's ass. Chris said that's his new thing and he's asking for it.
Howard said maybe Chris should do it doggy style and get that dick in there. Chris said he's thinking about it. Howard said he's been with some women who grab your dick and shove it in their ass. He said it's like another day in the park. Chris said that the condom doesn't make it easy. He said that's when you lose the momentum. Howard said it should help get it in there. He asked if he's tried it yet. Chris said they're still working on the logistics of getting it up his ass. He said he isn't used to it. He said that he suggested just doing the tip in there. He said that became a whole thing. He said it they were doing it and this guy was firing all over the place when he'd finish. Howard said he's turning him on. Chris said he must be. He said then the next day he'd be out and he'd be talking about how great ''Cosita'' was. He said he comments on how big his cock is and things like that. He said it's a weird thing. Howard said that guy is in love. Chris said he's going to go see him in Panama. He said he's going to time it for two weeks after his booster. He said he's extremely nervous about COVID but he's going to go see him. He said he wants to finagle the whole Moderna booster.
Howard asked why he called him Columbian when he's from another country. Chris said he's trying to protect him. He said they had a very graphic rundown of the last time he was on and he was pissed about how he called him Columbian. He said he's from Panama so he got a whole lecture on that. He said he explained to him that he was trying to protect his identity.
Howard said he has some details about Chris and this guy. He said they came so much that they filled a whole garbage can with their used tissues from so much sex. Chris said that it was mostly the other guy, not him. He said that he has a lot of jizz. He said that guy is going to ask him to marry him.
Howard asked if he has that big of a cock. Chris said he thinks that the guy is just into the white thing. Howard said Chris and his boyfriend got a deluxe hotel room and fucked everywhere. Chris said that they were fucking all over and not even in the bed so much. He said they went to an AirBnB and the boyfriend was into the big shower they had. He said he was into his feet. He did his impression of the guy talking about how sexy his feet are.
Howard asked if they blow each other on the balcony. Chris said the hotel had robes so they put them on and went out to drink champagne out there. He said they weren't jerking out there or anything. Howard said he'd jerk on the balcony if he were gay.
Howard said if Dennis Prager is listening then this is why he replaces his fork when it falls on the ground. Chris said what a weirdo that guy is.
Howard said he has more notes. He said Chris loves that his boyfriend talks about his white ass. Chris said that he picks up on some of those Spanish words when he's with him. He said he was saying Coolo Blanco. He said that would be his other name. Howard said he should say that to Beth. He said he's tried some dirty talk with her but it creeps her out.
Howard asked if the boyfriend has met Ralph yet. Chris said that he knows about him but he hasn't met yet. He said it gets strange between them. He said he and Ralph are in a weird place right now and he may be jealous of the whole situation. He said he's very argumentative. He said he got together with him last week and he was a real asshole to him. He said he almost left. He didn't want to fight. He said Ralph told him he was making a scene. He said they're not a couple so he's not sure what that means.
Howard said Ralph is kind of odd. He said he once claimed that he stole Beth away from him. He said Beth thought he was gay and didn't even know he was hitting on her. Howard said he didn't know either. He said he didn't know that he claimed her.
Chris said that Ralph ordered 24 oysters and it was like a dollar each. He said he told him he was going to be sick eating them. He said he was upset with him being late and all of that. Howard asked if Chris had to pay for them. Chris said no. He said Ralph paid him back. He said it was a weird thing. He said all debts are paid. He said it's all straightened out. He said Ralph owed him something and he asked him to Venmo him. He said that he did it the next day so he has to say that.
Howard said he was doing the mail and people were very complimentary of Chris and his Blue Iris impression. He read more feedback about that. He said someone said give him a raise but that's not happening.
Howard said Chris had him cracking up with the impression. He had Chris do more of that. Fred would play a clip and Chris would do his impression of Blue Iris.
Howard said he should tell his boyfriend that he didn't mean any offense. He said he should do a phony phone call to him and tell him he's going to force him to date Janet. Howard said Chris is in the midst of a great love affair. He said he has more but he's getting the fuck out of there. He said he has to eat lunch. He said he had salad for dinner and he's going to have that for lunch today. He said he's going to soup it up a bit. He said he'll throw in more vegetables and some tomato and maybe some hard boiled egg. Robin said no to that. Howard said how about some smoked salmon. Robin said that sounds good. Howard said he's having a party over there.
Howard said next Wednesday they're talking to Billy Joel. He said he hasn't been on in a while. He said Billy lost a shit load of weight and he looks great. Robin said good for him. Howard said he's going to come on and talk a little bit about music. He said what a catalog of music he has. He said Bob Dylan has a lot of hits but Billy has to have more. He said he has to ask him what his gay name was when he toured with Elton John. He said he must have given him a gay name.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:30am.