Howard took a call from Pocket who asked what he would do if Beth came to him and said she wants to go to a protest and go marching. Howard said she ain't going anywhere. He said they have friends who asked when he's going to let her start solacing again. He said he has no control over Beth. He said he's not stopping her. He said that his friends think he's the maniac that won't let her socialize. He said they're both on the same page. He said he said it last week on the show that he doesn't know what's going on right now. He said the protests started and it's like COVID is over. He said they have friends who are having parties and threatening to come visit them to see them panic. Howard said people think he's an idiot for staying home quarantined. He said he's wondering what has changed. He asked if it's that they don't have COVID on the news. He said it's still spreading and the numbers are growing in places like Florida. He said he must be in Twilight Zone Land.
Robin said she had to go get a scan in Manhattan and a worker there said people think it's gone but it's still there. She said people think that they're scientists and they act on their thoughts. Howard said some of them are in their 60s and 70s and 80s. He said they're goofing on him and people still aren't wearing their masks. He said they go for a walk and he sees people walking around without masks. He said Beth warns him that there will be people not wearing them. He said that 5 minutes in he sees a neighbor not wearing one and he starts muttering about him.
Howard said he has friends who keep asking when they're going to start going to parties. He said he's not going to parties. Pocket said once the states started opening up it was like a free for all. Howard said people can't just stay inside and stay away from people.
Howard said there won't be a reduction in the Coronavirus and he's going to have to stay inside even longer. Robin said in New Zealand they have eradicated Coronavirus and she has to see what they did. Howard said they did a complete shutdown. He said everyone was in lock down. He said to get food you had to go in a car and get it. He said that they had the military deliver food or something. Robin said she wants to read about it. Howard said masks are the other thing that cuts it down. He said he's had it with everyone.
Pocket said they're getting 20,000 new cases a day in the country. Howard said that's right. Robin said people are going to protests and getting Coronavirus. Robin said there was one person at a house party on the Jersey Shore who was responsible for 1/3 of the new cases in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. Howard said there were a lot of cases reported and there are people who had it in March and they still have symptoms.
Robin said one person at a party can make 10 people sick. Howard said everyone is on top of each other and not wearing masks. He said even at the George Floyd funeral there were people with no masks on. Robin said George Floyd had Coronavirus and he was Asymptomatic.
Howard said he doesn't wish that any of his friends get Coronavirus but when they laugh at him for not leaving his house it upsets him. Robin said she has friends who still thought they can't come to her house for vacation. She said she just let them know that they can't come. She said there were going to be four of them. Howard asked if she ever asks what's going on that they don't know that we still have COVID-19. He said that people think that social distancing is all they need. He said they think they can get on an airplane.
Pocket said that things were okay when it was cold out but now everyone wants to go out. Howard said he doesn't know what's going on. He said he's exhausted from it all. He said his fellow American's aren't taking it seriously. He said you can blame Trump for some of it. He said that Trump thinks that you're a pussy if you wear a mask. He said this isn't going to go away.
Pocket asked if Robin thinks she should be out there protesting. Howard said she's not going anywhere. He said she had cancer. Robin said she's out there in spirit.
Howard said his mother was out for a walk and that was a whole thing. He said he scared the shit out of her.
Robin said she took a selfie of herself at the hospital with her face mask and shield on. He said one of the hospital workers thanked her for wearing all of that because it protects them too.
Howard took a call from fake President Trump who was talking about the fantastic weekend he had. Trump said hello to Robin and she wondered why that is. He said he feels that he has to do that in light of what happened. Howard said he must be doing it because of the vote. Trump confirmed that. Howard asked Trump about a speech he was making about the economy and how it was a great day for George and how happy he thinks things are going. Trump said it was a good day for George because it was a good day for everybody. He said the country is reopening and things are going well. He said that's why he thinks that it was a good day for George.
Howard said he thought that the protests in front of the White House were intense. He wondered why he was rushed into the bunkers. Trump said he has to clear this up. He said the Secret Service doesn't tell him what to do. He said he went into the bunker to check the condition of it to make sure that it was good. He said he wants a luxury bunker. He said he went down there a few times and stuck his head in and went back up.
Howard said in other words he's saying that he has a luxurious lifestyle and he has to have the bunker a certain way. He said he might need a gold sink or something. Trump said it looks like a Trump hotel right now. He said they're going to take it all out eventually but that's how it looks now.
Howard said he was thinking about how things weren't going so great but Trump seems to make it seem like things are fine. Trump said it looks like things are going great out there because people are jumping up and down on the cars out there. He said it looks like they're having a great time. Howard said things can't be as great as he says they are when we have the most Coronavirus deaths in the world. Trump said we have more cases because we do more testing. He said when you do more testing you find more problems like when you do pregnancy testing. He said he doesn't like testing. He said that the numbers would drop if they did less testing. He said he's never been a fan of testing.
Howard said he's not sure why he's pushing for the churches to open when the Coronavirus is still so high out there. Trump said they want to open the churches and temples and all of that.
Howard said he has known Donald for many years and he didn't know he was that religious. Trump said that billions of copies of the bible have been sold and he's a close second with his book ''The Art of the Deal.'' He said the book is still doing very well.
Howard asked if that's true. Trump said that it's still selling. He said the bible is still doing very well too.
Howard asked Trump about attacking mail in ballots for voting. He said you want people to vote. Trump said that mail in ballots are so corrupt. He said it's massive fraud. He said he reads about it every day. He said there are kids stealing the ballots and forging them. He said it's a big operation. He said the kids are doing a lot of fraud and they have to stop the kids. He said they also have to get rid of the post office so they can stop them from being delivered.
Howard said he has to compliment him on his new press secretary Kayleigh. He said she's something. Trump said that she's like Ivanka level hot. He said she smells so good in the pre-press meetings too. Howard said people can knock him all they want but he knows how to pick women. Trump said just look at Melania. Howard asked how she's doing. Trump said that she started social distancing years ago so she's gotten very good at it. He said she's very smart.
Howard said President Trump has answered all the questions. He asked who his favorite comedian is in the whole world. Trump said he likes that Jim Gaffigan guy. Howard asked if there's some guy named John that he likes. Trump said that John Dedomenico drives him crazy. Howard said he saw him on TV trying to do an impression of him.
Howard asked if he has a message of hope. Trump said he's going to win on November 3rd. He said they're going to get rid of the electoral college and replace it with Trump University. Howard let him go a short time later.
Robin asked if the girls are getting face to face with the guys. Dave said they all have to wear masks. Robin laughed when she heard that. Howard said the quality of strippers must go down if that's the case. Dave said there are no more butter faces.
Howard said he has a lot of stuff to get to today. He said he will take a few calls first. Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who did the ''Hey now!'' thing with Fred playing clips. Howard told him to ignore Fred and just say what you have to say. Mike said he wanted to say that it's okay to protest now but not when Colin Kaepernick was doing it. Howard said that was the ultimate sign of respect when Colin was doing that. He said it was the most respectful kind of protest.
Howard said kneeling is something that Trump would love if they did it in front of him. He said it's a huge sign of respect. He said this guy didn't want to get his ass kicked during the game. He said do what you want to do during the National Anthem. He said stop the carrying on about what you do. Robin said Drew Brees said that he would never do something like that and now he has to apologize for saying what he said. Howard said the guy is a big dummy.
Howard said Christopher Reeve did that first Superman movie. He said General Zod from Krypton was in the movie. He said he was in the Phantom Zone and he escaped from it. He said Zod and 2 of his trusted soldiers were released. He said Zod had super powers and the thing he wanted more than anything was for Superman to kneel in front of him as a sign of respect. He said he told Superman to kneel. He said that was the thing. He said Colin wants to kneel and that's very respectful.
Howard said Superman kneeled and he fooled Zod and took him out. Howard said many things have been won from kneeling. He said the other players who were upset are dummies. Robin said it was the owners of the teams who were upset. Howard said they're a bunch of dummies too. Howard said kneeling is like praying. He said he's bowing in respect to the flag. Robin said she was happy to see Roger Goodell admitting he was wrong about the kneeling.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about his parents and if he would like to see them in person. Howard said they don't let anyone in over there where they live. He said COVID-19 is still spreading like crazy. He said his parents never liked him visiting anyway. He said that they can't wait for him to leave when he goes to visit. He said it was an inconvenience for both of them. He said they talk on the phone a couple of times a week. He said that he's even Zooming a little bit. He said it was not a big deal for them. He said that they were still yelling the same on there as they were on the phone. He said he had to ask them to get into the frame of the picture and all of that. He said it was a big pain in the ass but it was fine.
Howard said his parents don't want people walking in and out. He said there's a real pandemic going on.
Howard said people are still partying and not social distancing. He said that Beth's friend was asking her when she's going to be allowed out of the house. He said that he's not stopping her. Robin said people want to come over and hang out by her pool. Howard said don't let that happen. He said he's not leaving his room. He said he's so busy doing things at home. He said he paints and goes on his computer to answer email and then read the DailyMail. He said people still talk about how ugly Emily Ratajkowski is. Robin said her husband got in trouble for using the N-word. She said he had to apologize for that.
Howard said this actress Lea Michele tweeted out ''Black lives matter'' and her co-star from Glee said how dare she because she treated her like shit on the set of the show. Gary said that's how it got started. He said then everyone in her life started tweeting against her and talking about how horrible a person she was. She said now she's talking about how she's reflecting on her life.
Howard said it's good that Whity is getting in trouble. Robin said a friend of her's was getting a ton of phone calls from white friends apologizing to her. Robin said she was like ''Really?'' She said no one is calling her. Howard said he'd tell Gary to apologize to her but he's not sure what race Gary is.
Howard said Gary just took a DNA test so he can trace his family tree. He said that people don't what to know him and they're trying to hide from him. He said it turns out he's barely Italian. Gary said they say that he's 70 percent Central European. Jason said it's actually South East Europe. He said that it's not Italian. Gary said it was a DNA test that he took for 50 bucks. He said he's not sure who reliable it is. Howard said Italy was not listed as the country he was from. Gary said he knows that. He said he knows where his grandparents were from and they were from Italy.
Howard said they say he's 67 percent European. He read some of the other areas that his DNA is from. Part of him is Sephardic Jew. Howard asked if the Gary Puppet knew he wasn't Italian. He started singing in Yiddish.
Howard said Gary is part Middle Eastern too. He read about some of the other things that showed up in his DNA test. Robin asked how he missed so hard. Howard said it makes sense since one of his sons wanted to convert to Judaism. Gary said Lucas did talk about that years ago.
Howard said Natalie Morales confused Gary as a Chilean miner back stage at the Today show. He said Gary was back stage to be on the show to promote his book and Natalie walked up to him speaking in Spanish thinking he was one of the miners. Gary said it was crazy because she walked up to him and started speaking in Spanish so fast. He said he was in a suit and tie and the miner was wearing the same outfit about 4 feet behind him. He said the miner was about 6-8 inches shorter than him.
Howard asked if Gary was embarrassed by his DNA results because he got them a year ago. Gary said he told someone about it when he got them and they didn't seem interested in them. He said he didn't think they'd be interested.
Howard said it never works out when you trace your ancestry. he said Gary found out his great grandfather died at 49 from accidental asphyxiation. He said you never want to find out that stuff. Howard said Ben Affleck found out that his family owned slaves and he asked the producers of the show Finding Your Roots to remove that part of the show. Howard had a clip from another Finding Your Roots where they revealed that Anderson Cooper's family member was killed by a rebelling slave.
Howard had some audio of Megan Mulally reading about some stuff that went on with her family. She got really sad reading about this guy whipping his wife who was pregnant.
Howard said you're better off not knowing. Robin said there was a documentary about some people who found out that their family had terrible Nazis in it. Howard said just don't go on the show. He said all you find out is that your family were a bunch of assholes.
Howard played a clip of Josh Duhamel on one of those shows called ''Who Do You Think You Are.'' He played the clip and Josh was reading about how one of his family members was an executioner. Josh said that's awful.
Howard said they could have a show called ''All Our Families Are Awful.'' He had Fred play some eerie music and told Robin that her great grandfather, Cornelius, was a serial rapist who raped 5,000 women before they caught him. Howard told her that her family was way worse than ISIS. He said they found that her great uncle, Samuel, invented child porn. He said that they found her 5 times great grandmother, Celia, started the first wet market selling bats to people to eat.
Howard said the most interesting thing about Robin's family is that Pontius Quivers invented the nails that they used on Jesus. Howard said her great aunt juggled fetuses in a circus. He said Frank Quivers was a vomit lover from the 1200s. Robins said this is an invasion of her privacy. She said she never wanted to know about her family. Howard said they found another family member who punched children in wheelchairs. He said they found her father touched children in inappropriate places. Robin said she knew about that one. Howard said they also found the first Quivers who was born discovered that eating you own feces will kill you. Robin thanked him for that since it was a service to mankind.
Arnold ended up fucking a couple of different melons and a hair dryer. He was so horny that he was fucking everything around him.
Howard said he saw Arnold riding bicycles with Greta Thunberg a few weeks ago and now he's fucking a cantaloupe. Arnold said he's going to fuck the cuckoo clock and then an electrical socket and a vacuum cleaner. Howard said stick it up his ass like Bobo used to do. Arnold did that and then Howard let him go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he took an online DNA test and he found out that his Nazi sympathizing grandparents were actually Ashkenazi Jews. He said that he didn't get to know that part of his family but he took the DNA test and he found out that they were full blooded Jews even though they were Nazi sympathizers.
Howard took a call from a woman who didn't hear him so he went into a female voice and tried telling her that he was Beth. She didn't believe it and figured out it was Howard. Howard said he doesn't have all day. He told her to speak up and say what's on her mind. Beth came into the room so Howard put her on with the caller. The caller still wasn't getting to ask a question so Howard talked to Beth about staying in the house. Beth said that she's with Howard 100 percent staying in the house and away from people.
Howard asked Beth what she's doing today. Beth said she has to do a sweep of his bathroom and cleaning the cat room with the Roomba. Howard said he'll be down there earning a living. Robin said she has to learn the new hand signal you can do on video to let people now you're in trouble. She said she has to learn what that is.
The caller asked Howard about Colin Powell and Mitt Romney and others talking about not voting for Trump and if he thinks this will help the election. Howard said of course that would help. He said he's not sure where these guys have been. He said this country is in serious shit. He said if that's how they feel they should be unafraid to talk about it. He said Donald should stop taking it personally too. He said that he read about how Colin Powell said that Trump has been lying since day one. He said Powell said that you can't be President if you're a liar. He said that they must have woken up just recently because they're finally coming out and talking about this. He said that people seem to be afraid of saying their feelings.
Howard said he's very disillusioned with Donald. He said he's not sure why he's saying that you shouldn't wear a mask. He said he's saying that he doesn't want to be seen as weak by wearing one. He said you have to have credibility as President and he doesn't have it. He said he's not truthful about many things. He said that Colin Powell should speak up. Robin said Mitt Romney should speak up too.
Howard said Trump said that the protests in Washington DC were the smallest ever but it turns out they were the biggest ever. He said that just say that they're huge and people are upset. He said they were peaceful and people are upset about a man being handcuffed and killed by this police officer. Howard said just be empathic with people.
Robin said that police officers are still doing things that seem unnecessary after this incident. She said the shoving of the 75 year old protester is crazy. Howard said he's not sure what's in their heads. He said if he sees something that's a fact and then having the president telling him not to believe it, that's crazy. He said he thought it was crazy on Inauguration day that he was lying about the number of people there. He said nothing can be true if the basic facts are false. He said if you tell people there's a big crowd and there's not, there's a big problem there. Robin said there are people who believe him no matter what.
Howard said Donald lies about his tax returns being released too. He said that if someone told him that 2 plus 2 was 5 then he'd have to tell him he's wrong. He said you can't tell him a basic fact that's not true.
The caller, Heather, said that she thinks that it's very scary what's going on. Howard said he gets all of the narcissism. He said you saw the size of the inaugural crowd. He said Donald claims it was the largest ever but you saw the size of the crowd at Obama's. He said that you see something is wrong right off the bat. He said you should know how to vote now.
Howard said a tax audit takes 3-6 months. He said Trump claims he's still going through an audit. He said it's been years. He said that he's made us wait for 3 and a half years. Robin asked if they audit every year of your taxes. Howard said there is no audit going on. He said he's not sure what's being hidden.
Robin said she had someone call her the day after George Floyd died and he was right on point talking about what happened and after watching FOX News he was thrown off by it all from what they were saying. Robin said she saw a man put a knee on this man's neck and die and she doesn't want to deal with that. She said she had to get it through this man's head what was really going on.
Howard said Donald went off on Colin Powell after he came out against him. He said he was calling him a terrible general and all of that. Howard said don't get uptight about all of that stuff. He said everyone takes a beating in office.
Howard said General Mattis and General John Kelly also spoke out against Trump and now Trump is talking about how terrible they are.
The caller said that she had Coronavirus and they're not doing mail in ballots so she can't vote. She said she can't go out and vote or even leave her house. She said Texans can't vote if they can't go out. Howard said this is a disgrace that she can't mail in a vote. Howard said there has always been a mail in vote. He said this is very scary stuff. He said the idea of not being allowed to vote is scary. He said he's had it with what's going on.
Howard said Donald Trump votes by mail. He said the hypocrisy is crazy. He said that he's not a big political thinker but he's thinking about simple stuff. He went over the lying again. He said he doesn't have to debate about it. He said that this guy is a liar so he can't be president. Robin said he was already elected at that point. Howard said he's talking about the next election. Howard said we were the number one country that people turned to and now we're a joke.
The caller thanked Howard for taking her call. She said it was on her bucket list. Howard said she has to buy a HazMat suit and go out and vote in November. She said she'll do what he says. Robin said no one should be able to stop her. The caller, Heather, said that she has always followed what Howard said about what you should weigh for your height. Howard asked how tall she is. She said she's 5'3'' and she's 108 pounds. Howard said that's the right weight. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said he has been yapping away for an hour and a half. He said don't send him email if you don't agree with him on politics. He said he's just commenting about the lying. He said he knows what's real and not and he knows that this guy is lying. He said you have to get over Trump and not being for Trump.
Robin said that Fred's wife was telling her about going to the grocery store and one woman wasn't wearing a mask in the store. She said someone asked her to please wear a mask to protect her. She said the woman went off about her beliefs and how she doesn't need a mask. She said some guy looked at her and told her to shut the fuck up. She said the whole store turned on her and she had to run out.
Howard asked if Fred's wife complains about him the way he does. Robin laughed. She said of course not. She said she loves Fred. Robin said Alison said that Fred stays home and doesn't go out. She said that Alison has to go out and do the shopping and all of that. She has to come home and clean and all of that too. Howard asked if they phone or Zoom. Robin said they Zoom. She said she hasn't noticed any signals from her that says she needs help.
Howard asked what Fred is doing at home. Fred said she's not telling the whole story. He said he does chores around the house and builds things. He said he's doing power washing and stuff like that too. He said he deals with the cars and things his wife won't deal with.
Howard asked if Alison ever talks about Fred's foreskin smells or anything like that. Robin said of course not.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how he gets into an outrage over these stupid ass lies that Trump tells when every politician lies. Howard said it's blatant stuff. He said he was burned up about President Bush lying about things and he didn't vote for him after that. Robin said he was already done by then. Howard said it's crazy to lie about the crowd at the inauguration. He said that he blatantly lied about the size of the crowd. Howard said he's not sure what this caller's line is but that's a pretty big lie.
The caller said they don't really mean anything and the economy is great and the jobs are good. Howard said that shit is cyclical. He said that Obama bailed out the car companies and he did a good job with getting the economy going. He said Trump got in on that wave. He said the next president will have a dip and then an increase. He said that's the way the economy works. He said the way the Coronavirus is being handled is an abomination. He said that the economy will always be strong until we have Coronavirus and people are shamed for wearing a mask.
Howard said he didn't want to do a political show today. He said he wanted to show off Ronnie's basement and talk about him pulling shit out of his ass. The caller said he agrees about the politics. He said he doesn't want to hear Howard talking about that either. Howard said he's no one to talk about politics.
Howard said he doesn't like the message we're getting from the White House about wearing masks. He said he can pick up the phone now and he's sure that people aren't wearing masks.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it's insanity what's going on out there. He said truckers all over the country aren't wearing masks. Howard said he made his point for him. The caller said they say that it's a hoax and this shit isn't real. Howard said that's crazy. He said they're getting that from their leader. He said their leader is telling them that. Howard said he made his career on cock cheese, prostate karaoke and porn stars.
Howard said Trump didn't wear a mask from the walk from the White House to the church last week. He said this is crazy. He said he doesn't like talking about this stuff. He said he's Fartman. He said he showed his naked butt cheeks on MTV. He said he came down on those wires and farted on stage as Fartman. He said Metallica was so angry with him that night. He said don't get your political advice from him. He said he's just telling you what he knows. He said he can tell crazy. He said he knows wacky when he sees it. He said he needs someone steady in the White House, not someone wacky.
Howard talked about the crazy things he's done on radio over the years and he knows he's not the guy to take political advice from but he does know crazy when he sees it.
Howard kept going over the crazy things he would do over the years and how he knows that he's not the right guy to take political advice from.
Howard said it's not Donald's bag to be President. He said he doesn't give a shit about people and he's not empathic. He asked why anyone would are who he votes for. He said he doesn't think Donald is a good president. He said he's the guy who named a guy Ass Napkin Ed because of the way he kept a napkin in his ass and shit in a bucket. He said he took a mentally challenged man and put him in a rocket and told him he was being sent to the moon. He said he once handcuffed a one armed drunk to a woman for 24 hours.
Howard said he lost the best Wack Packer because hew wanted to be President. He said he wants him to be a guest on the show again. Robin said she can't take that. She said this has been disgusting to all human beings. She doesn't want that again.
Howard said he has a writer on the show who used to jerk off to his aunt taking a shit. He said that he won't say his name though. He said he doesn't want to do that but Fred played a clip of Sal saying ''Prevailiant.'' Howard said don't come down on him for his politics. He said he's known for making Gary eat shit out of a diaper once. He said it was chocolate but it looked like Doody. Gary said that was Butt Bongo Fiesta. He said he ate a dirty diaper and they had an elephant that shit all over the floor. Howard said this is what he's known for.
Howard said don't call up and ask him about what he thinks and then bad mouth him on Twitter. He said he knows what he has done. He said he has a guy he hired there who got his tax return and blew all of his money in a strip club. He said he also paid a woman to have her dog eat peanut butter off her privates. Howard said he's not going to say who that is either. Fred played JD's hoots. Howard said this show is not political.
Howard said years ago he had a woman on the show talking about how she met up with a guy and got fucked from behind in a bathroom in San Francisco. Robin laughed. Howard said he has a guy on the staff who got caught jerking off in his office because he didn't know the janitor had a key. Fred played another Sal clip. Howard said he has a woman on the staff who used to masturbate with vegetables. That was Robin again. Howard went over more things that Sal has done over the years.
Howard said don't tune into this show to get your politics. He said tune into some other show like Sean Hannity or something like that. He said he has made a lot of mistakes. He said one guy on the staff sent porn to his kid's second grade teacher. He said he kept him on the staff for 20 years after that. Howard said he should take a break since he's talked for 2 hours straight.
Robin said they have to get to Ronnie. Howard said he has to talk about this. He said Sean Penn is going to be on tomorrow. He said they have Pete Davidson coming on Wednesday. Robin said she just saw his new movie. Howard said they told him that he could see it on some app. He said he had to download the app and he'd get a code to watch it. He said he had to get on the phone with the IT department to figure it out. Robin said she figured it out. She said she got an email and she had to go through 6 steps to get to it.
Howard said he has to reboot his Apple TV 3 times a day to get sound. He said he has the worst sound ever. He said no one can fix it. He said every time he goes to watch something he has to reboot the system and put in a password. He said that's his whole day. He said it upsets Beth. He said it's a complete failure in his house.
Howard said when they told him he had to get this special app to see the movie he was in a sweat. He said today he's going to try to watch it. He said he has some setup. He said he even told this guy Gary is able to watch whatever he wants. He asked why he has so many problems.
Howard said he has a lot of things to get to today. He said he has a lot of feedback to read and get to. He said people want to talk about politics though. He said they can talk about Ronnie pulling shit out of his ass or politics. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he has to thank Blackened American Whiskey for sponsoring the show today. He spent a few minutes talking about that.
Howard said he was doing a Zoom meeting this week and he was trying to inspire and lecture the staff. He said that they come up with great stuff like Ronnie picking shit out of his ass in those meetings.
Howard said one of the guys turned 40 recently. He said he has no idea how old people are when he looks at them. He said Gary told him he should try to guess ages of people on the show. He said he thought that might be kind of fun.
Howard asked Robin if she knows how old Richard is. Robin said 42. Howard said he was going to say 50. He asked Gary for the answer. Gary said they don't know. Richard got on and said he's 46. Howard said he looks horrible for that age. He asked what's going on with his skin. Richard said it's the sun. Howard asked Robin to look at him. Robin said it looks like his skin is going to fall off.
Howard said Robin wins that one. Richard said living in a storage unit will age you. Howard asked if Robin knows how old Sal is. He said he must be about 50. Robin said she's going to say that he's 47. Howard asked how old he is. Sal said he's 50. Howard said he's so immature that it's hard to believe he's 50. Robin said they are so juvenile it's hard to believe they're grown up.
Howard asked how old Robin thinks JD is. He said look at that beard. Robin said he's morphing into something. JD said his wife thinks it's okay. Howard said he looks like he's in ISIS. JD said he's not in ISIS. Robin said it's a weird shape. JD said he's afraid he's going to mess it up if he trims it. Howard said he looks like he's been radicalized.
Howard said he's going to say JD is 41. Robin agreed and said maybe 42. JD said he's actually 40. He said he just turned 40 on December 29th. Howard said he looks like a terrorist now.
Howard asked how old Jon Hein is. Robin said she's never even thought about that. Howard said he's going to guess 55. He said maybe even 58 or 59. Howard said he has youthful skin. Howard guessed he's 57. Robin said she thinks 55. Howard asked how old he is. Jon said he's 52. Howard said ''Oh Jesus.'' Jon thanked both of them for their guesses.
Howard asked how Jon is holding up in quarantine. Jon said he's doing okay. Howard said that doesn't sound very convincing. He said he heard he's learning guitar now. Jon said that's true. He said he thinks he's doing great but his wife and daughter can't tell what he's playing. He said he's learning the basic chords. He said he can play some but not all.
Howard asked if he can play something for them. Jon asked his daughter to get his guitar for him. Jon got his guitar and he said he can play and they can guess what he's trying to play. Howard asked if he sings too. Jon said ''Oh god no.'' Howard said he'll play and they can guess.
Howard had Jon play something. Jon played and said he's not sure if it's in tune or not. He played a song and Robin asked if that's ''Walk Alone.'' Jon said Robin has the lyric but not the song. Jon said they played on the show very recently. It was Green Day's ''Boulevard of Broken Dreams.'' Howard said he thinks Jon is a prodigy. He said the fact that Robin got it is amazing.
Jon played another song and Howard guessed it was ''Hair.'' Jon said it's the beginning of ''My Sweet Lord.'' He played it again. Howard said that sounds horrible. He said he has to work on that.
Howard said maybe he'll jam with him. Jon played another song and it was ''Hotel California.'' No one could tell. Robin said she would have gotten it. Howard said he should start the world's shittist band. He said they can call it Fleetwood Big Mac.
Howard played ''My Sweet Lord'' and Jon played along. Howard said that's enough jamming. Howard said maybe he can call his band Jon Mayernaise.
Howard said he admires Jon for trying to learn guitar. He said it's not easy to learn that late in age. Jon said it's so frustrating because you want to be good and you're nowhere near it. Howard said his fingers are made for this. He said he has just the right amount of mayo on them.
Howard said Ronnie is out there partying and it's a miracle he didn't get Coronavirus yet. Ronnie said he's not partying. He said he doesn't go in to crowded places or anything. Robins said he did a party in his back yard with neighbors. Ronnie said he did but they don't have Coronavirus.
Howard said last Monday Ronnie was constipated. He said he blamed his diet. Ronnie said he ate a lot of rice over that weekend. He said he had white and fried rice. He said in the morning he eats a lot of raisin bran. He said Stephanie told him that too much can lock you up. Robin said that's not true.
Ronnie said that he had a bunch of rice and pizza. He said he's had a lot of cheese. He said he had a lot of nuts and Chinese food too. He said on Sunday he was on the treadmill and thought he had to go but he wasn't able to. He said on Monday he got cramps in his stomach and thought he could go. He said he went in and tried to shit but he broke into a sweat. He said he thought he was going to pass out. He said he wasn't able to sit there to get on the show. He said he brought him into the show toward the end of the show and he got into the Mike Fox stuff. He said he had to sit down to do it and he was dying. He said he was sweating and his clothes were soaked.
Ronnie said when the show was over he ran into the bathroom and ripped his clothes off. He said he was yelling and crying from the pain of shitting. He said one of his sons had a problem when he was young and the doctor said that you have to help him out sometimes. He said you have to get it out of there. Robin said it's called being impacted. Ronnie said you're supposed to use lube so he ran in and got some stuff they use for sex. He said the next thing he knew he went in with his hand and opened his ass up and stuck his whole hand in there.
Howard asked if he was sitting down when he did that. Ronnie said he was both. He said he took his rug out of the bathroom. He said he had one leg up on the toilet seat and his hand is covered in goo. He said he put his hand in there and felt shit like cement. He said it was so hard and so weird. He said the shit was right there and it wouldn't come out. Robin said it's like having to use forceps to remove a baby from a woman.
Howard asked how much shit came out. Ronnie said it was coming out like rocks of cement. He said he was taking it an throwing it in the toilet. He said his hand was covered in shit. He said he thought he could sit down and shit the rest out. He said he sat down and it moved down into the same spot and got stuck. He said it still wouldn't come out. He said he was doing the same thing pulling it out. He said he had to do that three times until it finally starting coming out on its own. He said it came out as one big brick. He said he blew his hemorrhoids out doing that. He said he was covered in shit after that. He said his hand was covered in shit. He said he jumps into the shower and cleans up. He said he had to get he hemorrhoid cream out and put it on.
Ronnie said the next day he still felt like crap. He said he was totally washed out. He said he went to sleep and didn't wake up until like 7 that night. He said he had the same thing happen when he had a kidney stone.
Howard asked if he's okay now. Ronnie said he is. He said he's totally back now. Robin asked how many days he had gone before he was blocked up. Ronnie said he went on Friday. He said he doesn't know what happened. He said he's back to normal shitting now. He said the hemorrhoids are gone now too.
Howard said he has to get on Metamucil. He said he'll never be blocked again. He said he thinks that the dildos are messing with his shitting. Ronnie said he doesn't think so. Howard said Chris Wilding said it can mess with his shitting when he takes it up the ass. He asked Chris to get on. Chris said it could be an old shit that was pushed up there. He said that it could have been from the dildo. Howard said he's insane. He said the shit doesn't stay up there.
Chris said the fudge packer term comes from that. Robin said when it's dry and hard it means it was hanging around for a long time. She said it's not 10 or 15 years but it was hanging around for a while.
Howard asked if Ronnie still has it hanging around so they can look at the rings on it. Robin seems to think that the old doody could have been stuck there and other doody was able to get by it until it wasn't able to. Howard said that shit was so old it was wearing bell bottoms.
Fred did the Ronnie Puppet voice and talked about losing his Timex in his colon. Howard said he can't believe Ronnie got his hand up his asshole. Ronnie said it was like 3 fingers. Chris said it took him decades to get a penis up his. He said it's very impressive.
Howard asked how long his hand smelled like shit. Ronnie said he was in the shower for a half hour. He said he was cleaning up with a nail brush and all of that.
Howard said he doesn't think he could stick 3 fingers up his ass. Ronnie said if he had to he'd be able to. He said there was no way he was going to an emergency room.
Howard asked if he would have asked Stephanie to do that if she was home. Ronnie said no way. He said he would have run downstairs and not even told her. Chris said it's just a matter of time before she has to do that. Ronnie said this is what she signed up for.
Howard asked about tying a string to the shit and a door knob and slamming the door to get it out. Ronnie said he did think about getting a spoon to get it out.
Howard said he got a note saying that Bobby Brown had to pull shit out of Whitney Houston's ass.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked if he's trying to get people to tune out at the end of every show now. He asked who would even know to do that. He said he'd sit on the toilet until he has to shit. He asked why the hand goes in. Ronnie asked how else you get it out. Ronnie said it was cemented up. Ralph asked if he would have died if he didn't do that. Ronnie said he may have passed out from the paint.
Howard said he would have gotten some Ducolax or something. He said he should have called a doctor. Ronnie said he was in pain and had to do something.
Howard said Ronnie told shit story during the staff Happy Hour with the guys. Ronnie said he had a story and told it.
Ralph asked if here was any blood. Ronnie said there wasn't any. Howard asked if three fingers is like the size of a dildo. Ronnie said he made it like a claw and scooped it out. Howard said that's a big thing to stick up your ass. Ronnie said he had tons of lube on it. He said he lubed everything up. He said he used the whole fucking bottle.
Gary asked Ronnie if he was going off what his kid's doctor told him years ago or did it look anything up. Ronnie said he had no time to look anything up. He said he remembered what happened with his kid and he knew he had to get it out.
Howard asked if he did that with his son. Ronnie said his wife did it. Howard said if he had that going on he'd have taken Ducolax. Robin said you don't want that to happen when you're blocked. Ronnie said he remembered what happened with his kid and he did what he had to do.
Howard said he's thinking that Ronnie is just looking for reasons to put things in his ass. Ronnie said he was in a lot of pain and they have no idea. Ronnie puppet said that he usually doesn't give a shit and this time he really wasn't able to give a shit.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this story is a really foul story. He said it's worse than what they did last week. Howard said he thought it was a kind of cool story. The caller said there are so many other things that he could do.
Howard said this was like a doody abortion that he did. Ronnie said Stephanie said they have to do this to dogs and cats sometimes. Howard asked if he really told her the story. Ronnie said of course he did. He said she knows it can happen.
Howard asked if you can use a shoe horn to get it out. Ronnie asked who has as shoe horn anymore. Howard said this was like a magic trick pulling shit out of his ass.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his girl has MS and she's on tons of meds and she has to get this done to her at the doctor. He said it's awful. Howard asked why she's not on Metamucil. The caller said she's on a lot of stuff. Robin said medication can cause this.
Howard said that turd could have been from the 70s. Chris said he messed up his asshole. Ralph said this doesn't happen. Howard said farmers do this to help cows evacuate. He said they put on a glove up to their shoulder and stick their arm in there.
Ronnie said yesterday he had a two toilet fill up. He said that's how he usually shits. He said one for sure. Ronnie Puppet said he had a volcano of shit in his toilet.
Howard asked if it was one loaf or in pieces. Ronnie said he had to get it out in pieces. He said the one last part was a big loaf. He said it blew out and it was like a brick. Howard asked if it had trouble going down the toilet. Ronnie said he didn't flush it. He said he broke it up with his hand. Ralph was cracking up and said this story gets even worse. Ronnie said he wrapped his hand in toilet paper and went in there to break it up.
Howard said he wants to understand this. He asked if he went in and broke it up with his hand. Ronnie said he broke it up and flushed it. He said it broke up fairly easy.
Howard said there are so many disgusting parts of this story. Ronnie said he just wanted it to be over.
Howard asked if he felt better after that. Ronnie said he did and he went to sleep. Howard said he should have done it on the air. Ronnie said it was at the end of the show and he was so fucking angry about Mike Fox. He said that he was in so much pain that he didn't care what he said. Howard asked if he wants to apologize to Mike at all. Ronnie said kind of. He said he was really ripping. He said he was getting angry about the pain.
Howard asked if he thinks that he could reach up there now and pull something out. Ronnie said probably. Howard asked if it smelled weird. Ronnie said he has no idea. He said he just wanted to get it out of him. Chris asked if it was brown. Ronnie said it was the normal color. Howard said he's picturing it as being grey.
Robin said she's thinking about this story she read the other day about a dinosaur being found with the stomach contents still being in it.
Fred had a rock there in his house and he showed it and Ronnie said that's almost what it looked like. Howard asked if it was that big. Ronnie said it was smaller but it was close. He said he was scared when it came out.
Chris asked if his ass his loose now. Ronnie said it's not. Ralph said next time it happens he should record it. Ronnie said he didn't have time to think about that.
Howard said that's some story. He took a call from a guy who said he was in a similar situation and he has no idea how he dug it out. He said he wasn't able to do that. He said he slowly kept working until it came out. He said it did feel like it shouldn't come out of a human being. He said his felt like it was sideways. Howard said it sounds like a breach birth.
Ralph said it sounds like he would have been able to shit it out if he had just waited. Ronnie said it wouldn't have come out. He said he was in so much pain. He said the sweat was pouring off him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his brother died on the toilet a month ago. He said he had chest pains on a Tuesday and they didn't call the ambulance. He said they went him to the doctor and he wasn't there. He said they had him get tested for Coronavirus and he was in pain for 4 days and died. Howard said that's the other thing about this Coronavirus. He said it's fucking up everything. The caller said his brother went to a bathroom and died on the toilet from straining. Robin said it can happen when you strain like that. She said it causes a nerve situation to cause you to have a heart attack.
Howard said Ronnie could have died from this. Robin said he could have. Ronnie said if you wait for a laxative to work you can't take the pain.
Howard said he's sorry to hear about this caller's brother. The caller said that he loves Howard for being the voice of reason during this craziness. He said that they bonded over the show. Howard said he hopes his brother Greg rests in peace. He said he's sorry to hear that. He let the guy, Vick, go a short time later.
Howard said Ronnie may have saved his own life. Ronnie said he felt like he was going to pass out on the air. Robin said Ronnie could have passed out and died from that. She said that he may have saved his own life.
Ralph said he can't believe he stayed on the air and dealt with Mike Fox instead of going to take care of this. Howard said he cares about the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how you go from Hillary Clinton to this. Howard said this is what the show is about. The caller said this is the greatest show ever.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had this problem twice and he sympathizes with Ronnie. He said when you're in so much pain you just have to get it out of you. Ronnie said this was the first time he ever had this. Howard asked the caller how he got it out. The caller, Bill, said it was really painful to pass and he's not sure how it got out of him. He said it got stuck in the toilet and he had to get water to dump into the toilet to get the hoagie to go down. Ronnie said this was more of a brick than a hoagie. He said he had to cut it into pieces.
Howard said this is like a mob movie where they have to cut the body up. Ronnie said if he had kept dumping water in there it would have filled the toilet. Ralph asked what happened the second time the caller had it happen. Bill said he got up after drinking the night before. He said he sat on the bowl and it didn't come out. He said he felt he had to get it out of him so he got a plastic spoon and got in the tub and started spreading his hole open. He said he was spraying water in there and scooping it out. He said he was eventually able to go and shit it out on the bowl. Ralph was laughing through the whole story.
Howard asked if Bill lubed up the spoon. Bill said it was wet so he was able to get some of it in there. Howard asked Ronnie Puppet to tell the story about using a soup ladle to get it out. Fred did the Ronnie Puppet voice for a short time telling stories.
Howard said Ronnie is smart because he can feel what's going on with his hand up there. Ronnie said it was right there so it wasn't that far up there.
Howard said if he found Ronnie passed out on the toilet with shit all over he'd close the door and leave. He said what a fucking story. Ronnie said he can laugh about it now but he wasn't laughing then.
Howard asked Ronnie Puppet to tell more stories. Fred told more crazy stories about pulling shit out.
Howard said he's thinking he would just die if he had that going on. Howard said he might have taken his Toto Toilet and shot water up there until it came out. Robin said when you're in pain you might not be able to do that. Ronnie said it was too hard. Howard said he'd get his fishing pole and lower the hook in there and then reel it out.
Ralph asked how he knew it was almost out. Ronnie said it was peaking out. He said he had to touch it to feel if it was there. He said he put lube on his ass and hoped that would help but it was too big. He said he had to go in and get it.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she needed this. She asked why he was eating Chinese food. She said white rice is very binding. Ronnie said he knew that but he hadn't eaten it for a long time. Howard said Ronnie blamed the Chinese for COVID-19. Ronnie said they've gotten it twice since he said that.
Howard said he'd be so afraid of this happening again. He said he should just take the Metamucil. Ralph asked if he went to the doctor. Ronnie said no way. He said Stephanie told him she'd get him some of that stuff. He said he's been fine.
Ralph said Howard would be on the phone with the doctor the next minute if he had that happen to him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that women have an advantage over men and they can insert their thumb in their vagina and push things around and out of there. Robin said she didn't know that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said what a morning this has been. He said this would have been the perfect ending to Ronnie's life. Howard said imagine his girlfriend comes home and his three fingers are stuck up his asshole. He said then they pull this piece of concrete out of his ass. Ronnie said it was really fucked up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he smokes weed out of a bong and he coughs so hard from it that the shit just comes right out. Ronnie said he could have been vomiting and it still wouldn't have come out.
Howard said if you push when you shit you can get hemorrhoids and fissures. He said wait until you have to go and take Metamucil. Ralph said you should shit within 2 minutes too. He said don't sit around on the toilet.
Howard said this sounds like end of life shit to him. He said you shouldn't have to do this. Ronnie said it was not easy. Howard said he can imagine the headlines for Ronnie dying on the toilet with his fist up his ass.
Ralph asked if they would cover this story up if they found him like that. Howard said he'd have to tell everyone. He said he'd be telling this story at his funeral like he did with Joan Rivers.
Howard said he would have him stuffed by a taxidermist in the position that he died in. He said that's how he wanted to go. He said Fred would get up and finish the eulogy as the Ronnie Puppet.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who had some diet advice for Ronnie. Erik said that he has to eat Gardein burgers and salads. Ronnie said he does. Howard hung up on Erik and said it's ridiculous to get advice from him. He let Erik go and Ralph too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said all you have to do is call a pharmacist and you can get a suppository up there. He said he had to be on pain pills for 3 weeks when he had a kidney stone. He said he stuck a suppository up there and it all came out. He said it involved no hands or spoons. Ronnie said when you're in pain like he was and he knows what to do then he's going to do it. He said you do what you have to do. He said everything was peaking out down there so there's no way to get anything in there.
Howard and Ronnie Puppet talked about the shitting thing a little more. Howard said he thinks they've done enough show for the day. He said tomorrow they'll get to know Sean Penn a little bit. He said he knows his brother Michael a bit.
Howard said they'll get a tour from Ronnie another day. He said he's worn out from him today. Ronnie said he hears him on that. Robin said she can't imagine that story during Happy Hour. Ronnie said it was fine. He said they were telling weird stories and he told his. Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
Howard started the show talking about how weird it is doing the show. He said Robin is fixing her hair. Robin said it looked a little big today. Howard said his is too. He said he hasn't had a hair cut in 3-4 months now. He said he's using a lot of hair gel. He said the gel tightens it up. He said he's not sure what he's going to do. He said he won't be leaving his house for a hair cut anytime soon. Robin asked if someone was in a HazMat suit. Howard said he just doesn't want to deal with it. He said he's going to let it grow out.
Howard said he's not sure what he's going to do. He said he's running out of hair gel. He said his hair gets super frizzy without it. He needs the gel. Robin asked if it falls straighter. Howard said he looks like Phil Spector. Robin said you don't want that.
Howard said Sean Penn is coming on today. He said he really wants to interview the guy. He said the guy is the opposite of him. He said he travels the world and goes into trouble spots. He said sitting there and talking about Ronnie's doody and then talking to Sean Penn is weird. He said he went back and watched a bunch of his movies. He said Milk was great. He said he was great in Fast Times. He said he'll talk about that later.
Howard said he's still thinking about Ronnie's doody. He said he wanted to talk to someone about that story. He said it blew his mind. He said it was fucking crazy that he stuck his hand up his own ass. He said he doesn't want to be freaked out by Ronnie because he's freaky enough. He said Beth used to point out how angry he seems. He said he has to handle him. Howard said his price is good so he sticks with him. Robin said you have to take the bitter with the sweet.
Howard said you know Ronnie is going to bite your hand. He said he doesn't like Beth to be freaked out by the guy. He said he's getting a crazy person discount on the limo so he sticks with him.
Howard said Ronnie is a weird guy. He said he drives him all week and then goes out and drives himself around. He said that he would get off his job and then go for a drive to relax. He said he could tell that he was miserable.
Howard said the idea of Ronnie pulling his concrete doody out of his ass was so wild that he had to talk to someone about it. He said he told Beth that her brothers would probably write him something about it. He said they didn't write to him though. He said he tells Beth that he does those bits for her brothers.
Howard said he wanted to tell Beth about the doody but she didn't want to hear any stories about him. Howard said she figured it was about doody or something and she said she didn't want to know. Howard said Beth wouldn't want to be alone in the car with him if she heard that story. Howard said he's not sure he would want to be either.
Howard said he wrote Ralph a note about Ronnie but they didn't have a whole discussion about it. He read what Ralph wrote back to him. He said he was asking ''What the fuck'' and things like that. He said that he was describing breaking it up in the toilet with his hand and Ralph write back a vomit Emoji.
Gary said they had about 15 people on the phone on the Wrap Up Show yesterday who had the same thing happen. He said they had a woman tell a story about doing what Ronnie did. Howard said he hopes he never has that. Robin said what didn't make sense to her was that he only missed a couple of days of bowel movements. She said you don't make cement over night. Howard said that doody had to be in there from the 70s. He said you think Ronnie is going to talk about sex on the show but this time it was shitting.
Robin said he was saying that it was only a couple of days that it took to make cement.
Howard said this guy Paul is a doctor who has called in before. He took his call and Paul said that Ronnie might need more water in his diet. He said that he might be dehydrated. He said it's not just fiber that you have to worry about. He said they have this kind of thing happen all the time. Howard said being a doctor must be weird. He said he can't imagine dealing with something like that. Paul said that he had to deal with that early on in his internship.
Howard got Ronnie on and asked if he drinks coffee a lot. Ronnie said not really. He said he got a lot of messages from doctors and pharmacists that if you eat a lot of bran without working into it then it can block you up. He said he probably got dehydrated over the weekend. He said he was working on his car and it was hot out. He said he had a few drinks too. Howard said that will do it.
Ronnie said he got a lot of messages from people. Howard said they got a lot of fan feedback too. Howard was going to let Paul go but Paul suggested that Ronnie make a hollow dildo for getting the shit out next time.
Howard read through some of the fan feedback about Ronnie's shit story. He had a bunch of people who wrote in about how they had similar problems or knew people who did.
Howard said someone wrote in about how Stephanie and how she had to deal with all of that. Ronnie said he Lysol'd the whole bathroom when he was done with that. Howard said he must have gotten some doody on the floor. Ronnie said he had no choice.
Howard said someone wrote in about Mike Fox and how he had to take some extra abuse that day because Ronnie was in so much pain. Howard said Mike asked for an apology but Ronnie tweeted back that he won't get one for that.
Howard played a song parody about Ronnie's shit story. He said Ronnie was back in form yesterday with Mike Fox telling him to fuck off. He said he was in his fecal rage.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he is a physician and he was calling to validate the pain that Ronnie went through. He said he had one episode like this when he ate some Matzo. He said he felt like it was crowning and he wasn't able to go. Howard said they know it's painful and this guy has been through it. He said he's not sure what his point is.
Howard said he's going to try to avoid all of that. He said he's drinking his hot water right now. He said he was hoping this would never happen to him. He said he went up and made a doody right after the show yesterday. Ronnie said he did too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had to help his mother get unimpacted once. He said they wanted to avoid going to the hospital. He said he took the end of a spoon and broke it up to help get it out of her. He said she was very embarrassed about it. He said it helped avoid a hospital visit.
Howard said he was watching a show with a 600 pound woman and she had a rough life. He said she had this husband who has to help her wipe her ass because she can't do it herself. He said she walks over to the sink and he walks in with a towel to wipe her asshole. He said she's all embarrassed by it but she had to have the help. Ronnie said Bubba had that with his wife. Howard said his wife was wiping his ass with a towel.
Howard said he's not sure what's going to happen with that woman. He said he had to stop watching halfway through.
Ronnie said he thinks Jimmy would enjoy talking about that with him. Howard said that's true. He said he did call Jimmy over the weekend. He said he was going to give him a tour of his art that he's done lately. He said he gave him the video tour of what he's been working on. Robin asked what he said. Howard said he seemed to like it. He said he wasn't saying that much so he wrote him an email later telling him he really liked it.
Howard said his father never gave him any praise. He said Jimmy is much better at that kind of thing. He said his father has seen his art but he thinks he might think it's photographs. He said his dad used to goof on people like that but now he's one of them.
Howard said you see people who walk strange and his father would see them and comment on them. He said now his father is one of those people. He said he was just happy his father wasn't commenting on him. He said he seemed to enjoy doing impressions of the infirmed.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been listening since WNBC. He said something about Pauly taking a finger up the ass. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there. He hung up on the guy because he was so confused. Robin wondered what he was referring to. Howard said maybe he stuck his finger up his own ass. Robin said they were never going to get it out of him.
Howard said he wants to drop the shit story after this. He took a call from a woman who said she had the same problem but it was diarrhea. She said it happened once a month for like 6 months. Howard asked how that's the same thing as Ronnie. She said that it was the same symptoms. Howard said he has to get out of this. He let her go. Howard said that's not the same thing as Ronnie. He said people can't tell a straight story. He said diarrhea isn't the same thing as Ronnie. He said it's the opposite thing.
Howard said he's not sure why this guy has to lie about dumb shit. He said he has a friend who is a pathological liar and he lies about the dumbest little things. He said it's shit that doesn't matter. He said Trump must want to seem tough.
Robin said she knows a guy who lied a lot and it took him years to stop doing it. Robin said he never wanted to be caught making a mistake. Howard said he doesn't believe Donald was taking that Hydroxychloroquine. He said he thinks he just said he did.
Howard said Donald used to call up reporters and say that he wasn't Donald but his publicist. He said that was too wacky to believe. Robin said he hardly changed his voice when he did it. Howard said it would be like this. He demonstrated what he would do.
Howard said Trump said the news about the bunker was fake news but it wasn't fake news. He said if you call everything fake news then what? He said you can't do that as president. Robin said it was like when Eric the Actor called in like Derek.
Howard said he read that Trump cheated at golf a lot too. He said that whole thing is weird. He said the beauty of playing a sport is to win legitimately. He said he wanted to win without the work. He said when Trump pretended to be the publicist he would always claim that Madonna wanted to date Donald Trump. Howard said that it's the craziest stuff.
Howard said the whole country is falling apart and Trump is attacking Jimmy Kimmel. Robin said she just heard an add about how great the country has been doing and they need another 4 years of it. Howard sarcastically said the country is running really great.
Howard asked the caller what he wanted to say. The caller said he's no Trump supporter but he wanted to say that he thinks he's too one sided about the whole thing. Howard asked what side he should be on. He laughed. Robin said these are his opinions. She said that he never said call him for a measured view. The caller said he's just saying that he should have other people on. Robin said that's not the show they do.
Howard said people ask him about his opinion. He said he's having Sean Penn on today and he's a pretty interesting guy. He said he's someone who interests him. He said to have Dan Crenshaw on isn't what he does. He said he doesn't have guests like that on. He said people say that he went Hollywood but that's the direction he wanted to go on the show. He said he has really bright people who have accomplished things on the show. He said that he's kind of interested in those people.
Howard said that he is doing a show on entertainment and stuff they dig. He said to have Dan Crenshaw on to drone on about stuff wouldn't appeal to him or his audience. He said there are guys who do political shows and they're good at it. He said they get all fired up about this shit and know way more about it than he does. He said he's just flabbergasted about all the lying. He said he's an honest man and he'll answer honestly or tell you that he doesn't want to answer. He said he would never lie and say that he went to the bunker for an inspection. He said there are too many witnesses. He said they know the truth.
Robin said she's wondering what the people around him think about that. Howard said all the guys quit. He said that it's crazy that he won't wear a mask. He said it's obvious that people are upset about this guy getting murdered and its not anti-cop to come out and say that it's a terrible tragedy and he wants to address what's going on with the protests. He said you say something so you appear to be like a leader. He said the refusal to do that is just weird. He said the country isn't doing well right now because of the unemployment and the handling of the Coronavirus. He said it's all kookiness he sees. He said that he wishes the real Donald would call in and explain this stuff to him.
Howard said he doesn't get why he says that he didn't go to the bunker. He said Trump said George Floyd is smiling down about the economy coming back. He said this whole thing about taking a knee, who cares? He said if you want to take a knee that's fine. He said it's not important if a football player takes a knee. He said he thinks that's respectful and it means the guy cares.
Howard said the reason Sean Penn is coming on is because he has an organization to get Coronavirus testing done. He said the guy is like President of the United States. He said he'll ask him about that later. He said he's doing the testing in L.A. and a bunch of markets. He said Spicoli is their new President.
Howard said he just knows that the President should not be lying. He said people say that all presidents lie. He said it's not about the little things like this. He said cheating at golf and lying about being his own publicist is weird. Howard asked if the guys have the audio of Trump claiming that he's not himself. The guys had the audio for him. There was a report about Trump claiming to be this guy Miller who was his publicist. Howard laughed as he heard it.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on with Donald. He said he's not sure why he would lie about the bunker. He said that people say that the economy is doing well. He said things haven't changed that much for him. He said he's still paying a lot of taxes. He said it's the same as it was when Obama was President. He said that's all he knows.
Howard said he has to go find someone to praise Trump for this caller. He said he'll get Jon Voight on. He said he loves that guy. Robin said she does too. Howard said maybe Scott Baio and Ted Nugent too. Robin said how about Anthony Sabato. The caller said maybe Mike Tyson too. Howard said maybe Kanye West. Robin said he keeps going back and forth.
Howard said he also doesn't screen his guests about what their political views are ahead of time. Robin said some of them they do know. Howard said that's not why he has them on though.
Howard said people wrote in about the staff ages. He read some feedback about that. Howard said someone asked them to find out what Benjy's age is. Howard said they left him out because he's so weird about his age. He said he must be ashamed of his age because he feels he should be further along in life or something like that.
Howard asked Gary what he thinks about Benjy's age. Gary said he started out on the show later in life and he might have wanted to seem like he was younger. He said Benjy almost got his ass kicked the other night. He said a runner got very close to his dog and Benjy yelled out ''asshole!'' and the guy came back and Benjy backed right down.
Howard said he doesn't get why Benjy would worry about any future gigs. Gary said he's not sure what else he has don in the business. Howard asked how old he is. Gary said he's guessing he's 53 or 52 or somewhere in here. Robin asked how he hides his age. Gary said that's why Benjy had to book his own ticket to L.A. He said he had to give his license and he wouldn't show it to them there. He said he won't let them send anything to his home either.
Howard said that's such odd behavior. Howard said he hates giving out his email but he'll break down at some point and just give it out.
Gary said Benjy was weird about going his number to put it in their database. He said he's afraid people are going to get his number. Howard said that's weird too. He said he's not going to ask him about it because he'll get a goofy answer. Jason said that he can't get a response from him. He said he has been active this morning but he's not there. He popped up a second later.
Howard asked Benjy to get on to talk about this. Benjy said he booked his own flight just in case he wanted to change something about it. He said he wanted to be able to leave when he wanted. Jason said he tried to get him to fill out a form with his birth date on it when he started there. He said this has been an ongoing thing for years. Benjy said he's talking about the flight right now.
Howard said Benjy is a pretty honest guy but is it that weird to be in his 50s. Benjy said he'll tell him when he gets there. Gary said come on. Howard said good talking to you Benjy. Benjy wanted to say more but Howard said that's alright. He said he can keep it private. He said he's trying to find out why the shame in his age. He asked if it has to do with getting a job in the future. Benjy said it could have to do with that. Howard asked why he doesn't give out his age. Benjy said he does give out his age. Howard asked how old he is. Benjy said he's 48. Gary said that is just not true. Howard asked why he lies about his age. Benjy said he would have to agree that he lies about his age. Howard asked if he is a liar. Benjy said no. Howard said he has to believe that he's 48 then. Gary said that he said he was 48 like 5 years ago. Benjy said he's always been 48. Gary asked if he would swear on his mother's life that he's 48. Benjy said he hates doing that so he won't swear on his parent's lives. Benjy said he was born in 1971. Howard said he's 48 then.
Howard talked to Benjy Puppet for a minute and said he hates him and Benjy. Howard said he was curious about why the lying. He said maybe it's for girls. He said why go into a relationship lying though. He said they might break up with you over something like that. Howard said he hates his age too but he's not going to lie about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a quick story. He said his brother has played golf with Trump and he does cheat and he's a very poor loser. He said he heard a story about 7 years ago from his brother. Howard said there you go. He said he's not sure why you would cheat at golf. Robin said he's not a golfer so why worry about it. Howard said he is a painter but not a great painter. He said fabricating being a great golfer is a strange personality trait. He said maybe take some lessons and get better instead of cheating. He said all of this lying bothers him.
Gary said he remembers that Steve Langford found out that Benjy was 42 in 2009 so he'd be 53 now. Howard said he doesn't want to ruin his day by bringing this up. Gary said Benjy is very private but he's not sure what he thinks people are coming after him for. Howard said he's not looking to ruin his life. Robin said maybe he has a family out there who is trying to track him down. Howard said Benjy identifies at 48. He said that he knew a guy who wanted to be a woman so let that guy be a woman. He said that this guy you have to see as a woman. He said he became a woman and he was happy for him. He said that's all he's saying. He said if Benjy wants to be 48 then let him be 48. He said he's just curious about why he'd go through all of that.
Howard said his wife is there. He told her to come over there. Beth asked if he was on the air. Howard said he is. She didn't want to be on camera. Howard said he could hear her back there. Howard said she hasn't been sleeping. He said she was up at 2am. Beth said one of their kittens is losing weight every day. She said she's worried about him. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said he was offered one of these judge shows and they were telling him what they could pay. He said he was tempted by it. He said the money part sounded good. He said Judge Judy is worth $440 million according to Forbes. He said they say you can record 8 episodes in a day. He said he could get a year's worth of work done in 3 weeks. He said he could take the rest of the year off. He said maybe he could do that and give people the electric chair every week.
Howard said he's happy for Jerry getting a show like that. He said he should have done something like that too but he's not a judge and he has too much integrity to take that job. Howard said they must have done this call right before they closed up. He said Jerry calls some show and asks about Jerry Springer.
Howard played the call and Jerry called into this religious show to ask what they think about Jerry Springer. The hosts say they don't have anything against him but that show shows free masonry. Jerry said that they must really like him. The host said not really. The guys had pre-recorded Jerry so they had him going off on the host and telling him to go check on the local listings for his show Judge Jerry. He even gave his final thoughts bit at the end of the call. One of the hosts said he sees Jerry as a Howard Stern kind of show host.
Howard asked why he was getting slammed in there. Robin asked how he got into the mix. Howard said he took a hit in that call. He said that he bets that's the only call they got the whole show.
Howard asked if Gary knows what number comes after COVID. Robin said he must know that. Howard played the clip and Gary knew it was 19.
Howard asked if Gary knows what quarantine means. Robin said she has to think about that. She said she's leaning yes on that. Howard played the clip and Gary said that it means stay the fuck home.
Howard said Sal asked Gary to name a symptom of Coronavirus. He asked if he will know one. Robin said oh boy. She said that she thinks yes. Howard played a clip of Gary saying diarrhea. Howard said he'd say that's right. Robin said that's possible but not the first thing she'd think of.
Howard said Sal asked how many feet you should stand away from people. He said he'll accept anything from 6 to 10 feet. Robin said she will say no. Howard played the clip and Gary said 6 or 10 feet away from people. Sal asked him for one answer and Gary said 6 feet.
Howard said Sal asked Gary what you should wear on your face in public. Robin said he will know that. Howard played the clip and Gary said a mask. Gary said he was wearing one right then.
Howard said Sal asked Gary where Wuhan is. Robin said she thinks Gary will not know. Gary's answer was ''Japan.''
Howard said Sal asked Gary if it's safe to drink bleach to kill the Coronavirus. Robin said she thinks that Gary will say no. Howard played Gary's answer and Gary said no, don't drink bleach dummy.
Howard said he's impressed with Gary. Robin said he's been sitting home and watching TV and watching the right channel apparently.
Howard said Sal asked Gary where the Coronavirus originated. He said that's China. Robin said he will not know. Howard played his answer which was England.
Howard said Sal asked Gary if he knows what a ventilator is. Robin said he will not know. Howard played a clip of Gary talking about how it helps open up the lungs. Robin said he knows too much.
Howard said he's going to take a break. Robin said she didn't do too bad. Howard said she's very in tune with slowness. Howard said he'll get to Sean Penn when they come back.
Howard came back and said he loves this band. Robin said she's never seen them live. Howard said he hasn't either but he never leaves the house.
Howard had Sean Penn on with him and said that's really Sean Penn. Sean said good morning. He said it's lamentably common to be up so early. Howard said he and his brother, Michael, email every once in a while. He said that he's glad he never had a brother. He said he wanted too much attention. Sean said his brother would tell you he got the attention. Howard asked if he demanded it. Sean said he was very shy and he got the attention because of that.
Howard asked if he's close to his brother. Sean said they don't spend a lot of time together these days. Sean said he's a very talented guy.
Howard said he sits in his house like a recluse and never leaves the country but Sean will go wherever. He said he went to see El Chapo. He said he seems fearless. He said that he has a horrible feeling about Castro but Sean went down there to meet the guy. Sean said he likes to get perspective on things. He said he has found himself in a lot f situations where people are demonized by the American perspective. He said to sit down in those places and get their perspective is a perk of being a known person. He said he has had access from the bottom of society to the top of government. He said it never plays out the way one perceived it.
Howard said he would think being famous is that he has access to people. He said he read that he brought his daughter to Cuba and she refused to shake hands with Castro. He said that's impressive for a kid. Sean said that she was 14 at the time and she had it in her head about the oppression of homosexuals down there so she refused to shake his hand. Sean said that the kids in school these days have love for each other and it's not like they had in the 70s in high school. He said if someone was gay in his high school one wouldn't have known it because they were closeted. He said his daughter had a sense of that oppression and she went through the whole list and went on the attack. He said he was very proud of her. He said by the end of it Castro had almost changed.
Howard said that this guy Castro can be a vindictive guy and you're in Cuba and his daughter is confronting him about it. He asked if Sean wanted her to stop talking and was fearful about what might happen. Sean said that the politics can be argued back and forth non stop. He said the first thing that put them in power was that they had a class of people who were ignored. He said long suffering people found leadership and they can make mistakes. He said there is a deep dependence on the USA and there is a daily hope that there would be some kind of respect between the countries. He said with neither one of them knew what it would take. He said that he finds the perspective fascinating.
Howard asked what drives him. He said he goes to meet with El Chapo and he's a dangerous criminal. He asked if he thinks about this great life he has and why he's doing this. He asked if he puts that aside. He said he read something about him going to Iraq to visit and then George Bush put the government on him with some audit or something. He asked if he thinks about why he's doing that. Sean said that having a great life is being able to follow one's curiosities. He said he has been able to do that. He said he never expected to have any resources. He said he has long depleted what he had. He said we're all born with a different curiosity. He said Howard has that and he has looked through himself and he might argue that he hasn't done enough of that. He said it's what compels you. He said he doesn't do many diagnostics on that. He said he just lets it play out.
Howard asked if smoking is the worst addiction in the world. He said he sees him smoking now. Sean said that there are a lot of people out of work and he provides a lot of work for oncologists. Howard said he's sure that it bothers him that he smokes. He said he's such a great actor and he must want to quit. He asked how difficult that is. Sean said he'll be 60 in August and he never considered himself a smoker. He said he got hooked on it in his 20s when he did a play. He said in 10 years he was doing it in his head. He said he's been quitting as recently as last night. He said he can see that hasn't gone so well. Howard said it's tough. He said he quit because of his voice. He said he figured he was able to beat that thing. Sean said he keeps giving it a shot. He said he has gone 6 months.
Howard asked what it was that got him smoking again. Sean said it was the perspective a woman had on him. He said that got him back to it. He said if you get into a domestic conflict you buy cigarettes.
Howard said his father died in the 90s from cancer. Sean said that he's going to get him to quit today. Howard said by the end of this he'll be ready to quit.
Howard said this is kind of mind blowing to him. He said Sean has built homes in Haiti for people and he has done a lot of good over there. He asked if he's like a national hero there. Sean said they are very diverse in their perspective there. He said their organization has been there for 11 years now. He said they started out with 30 Americans and they got committed there because they were joined by young Haitians who wanted to help and give their guidance. He said he thinks of himself as Mr. Magoo of disaster response. He said the organization there is now 90 percent Haitian. Howard said he was given a peace prize for his work over there. He asked if that's better than an Academy award in his life. Sean said that it's a certain kind of embarrassment with either. He said you have an objective in your life and you all just want to get it over and done with. He said if it happens then the dominant feeling is relief and not excitement. He said it's not a bad feeling and it's nice to be acknowledged. He said they're talking about apples and oranges there. He said it's not a fair judgment on what's the best of that year.
Howard asked if that's a way of saying that it doesn't matter that much to you. Sean said what matters is that you work with a lot of people on the film and not all of the suits are assholes. He said there are creatively minded people there. He said that they have people whose job it is to move that forward and they give a lot of commitment to the movie and that's where the celebrations are. He said the people you worked with make it a bonding moment. He said you feel like you aren't letting them down if people vote for you. Sean said he gets the light on him in negative ways too and maybe more so than positive.
Howard asked Sean about this speech he made after winning for Milk maybe. He said he said something about pissing off a lot of people in Hollywood and how he can be considered difficult. Howard said if you're living that role why is it difficult to work with you. Sean said he has worked with directors who may have had a different job description. He said that actors are canaries in a coal mine when it comes to directing. He said that if they don't know how to support it then it may be a struggle. He said he thinks he was referring to the way that people might see him as being arrogant. He said arrogance goes further than charm and he's let that be a guide. Sean said he thinks he was referring to himself being difficult because he knows he can be a difficult person to like from afar. He said that he sometimes thinks that he has a great love affair with humanity but not with humans.
Howard said he does work with humanity and he really is very helpful. He said there's some of that arrogance after winning so many awards and made so much money. He said it must be hard to be normal after all of that. He said you become more forceful and vocal.
Sean said this is what he appreciates about Howard. He said he would reflect on what he just talked about. He said the part of it for him is that you go through levels of finding your voice. He said you can feel like you're living in a bubble. He said that you might be alone in the thought and you're not supported publicly. He said during the Iraq War there were people saying things about the war like Michael Moore. He said that it was very difficult to find support to discourage that war at the time because they thought Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. He said that if you go back an look at what he said and you see that Hannity and Bill O'Reilly have the same hate for him now that they did back then for the same reason. He said that you have to look at the long game on that. He said that he can be wrong about things too. He said that if you look long then you see that the idea is common.
Howard said he is thinking about this whole thing. He said he has to set him striate on this CORE thing. He said they're involved in COVID-19 and he's going to be on with Governor Cuomo today talking about his organization and how they're trying to get testing done for COVID-19. Howard said it's so crazy to him that Sean Penn has to go out and get the testing done because the government isn't getting it done. He said that's crazy to him.
Sean said there are no national guidelines about the testing. Howard said that's making him crazy. Sean said it is crazy making. He said there are local governance about the testing. He said that some things are happening in California about testing. He said the closest thing they had to this was in Haiti with the Cholera outbreak. He said that they have been working on this kind if thing for about 11 years. He said he has never seen anything like this before. He said this is the world and it takes citizen participation to make it work. He said that they were guided by Mayor Garcetti. He said that they were finding out that the fire department was going to do the testing. He said that takes them off of fire fighting and it's wildfire season out there. Sean said it's not hard to be trained to do the testing. He said they were opening sites all over Los Angeles. He said they had to do recruiting to get people to help. He said they recruited from the Peace Corps and that expanded to the statewide testing. He said they got grant support and they expanded that to nationwide. Sean said they found partners in mayors and governors and others. He said that they're working with people all over the country. He said they're going to open 7 sites in New York City. He said it's in the marginalized parts of the cities out there. He said he has about 1000 staff nationwide running the sites. He said this is a lane they chose to run in. He said that the scientists are telling us that this is necessary. He said it's a fascinating new experience.
Howard asked if it stresses him. He said it's great that they're doing it but the President is telling people not to wear a mask because it's not macho or something. He said that it's very weird. He said it's like asking Frank Sinatra to invent the Polio vaccine. He said it's odd that Sean has to step in and do it. Sean said the people made a choice in 2016 by either voting for him or not voting at all. He said when he thinks of this president he thinks about how he's doing the best he can. He said the emphasis has to be on the word ''He.'' He said you can't just keep complaining about things and expect it to change. He said there are two things you can do, be Peter Finch in the window yelling that you're mad as hell and you're not going to take it anymore or do something about it. Sean said that he has had a career for the past 40 years and things have gotten strange with celebrity. He said that in another world this guy would be selling used cars to support his magician career. He said that this is who we got and we'll see if it changes in November. Howard said he can tell he's fed up. He asked if he thinks people are fed up enough. Sean said night before last he had a feeling he had never had before he had children. He said his eldest is 29. He said he was wondering if it's fair to bring children into this world. He said he never thought that until night before last. He said he believes for the first time that we are working toward a better world. He said that you have to rise up against an abuse of power. He said that politics should be defined as peace of mind. He said it is worrying that there's this singular focus. He said he's very optimistic right now. He said that when this stuff gets holistic and the problem is abuse of power then you see that people are looking the other way. He said what's happening now is showing that the population doesn't demand accountability. He said young people all over the world are demanding that accountability now. He said that there's still going to be a lot of difficult times. He said we're on a move to where the end of it science and human care will win the day.
Howard asked where he's holed up right now during this pandemic. He said he has friends who are going out and acting like it's over. He said he thinks nothing has changed and you have to quarantine as much as possible. He said he feels his civic duty is to stay there until they can get a handle on it. He asked if Sean is staying home. Sean said no but he agrees with what Howard is saying. He said quarantine as much as possible but not everyone can do that. He said that there are people who have to go out and work and get out. He said you can quarantine inside a mask and use sanitizer. He said in his case he would also be doing what Howard is doing but he has this response organization and he has to get out there. He said he has been traveling all over the country to set up.
Howard asked how he's doing this. He asked if he has tested positive. Sean said not at all. He said everyone gets tested all the time. He said they're very careful and they observe the guidelines. He said their chances of getting it are lower if you follow those guidelines. He said that the reason is spreads is because of the lack of space to quarantine from other people. He said that's in poor areas. He said that they know this is going to spike this week. He said that they have vulnerable populations out there. He said that it's killing a lot of people and it's more than a bunch of disasters over the years combined. He said that he looks at it like looking at the fall and hoping that we don't have 1918 again. He said it might mutate over the summer and they have a worse variant of it that will make it a real problem. He said at the very least this is a dress rehearsal for a worse thing.
Howard said he knows that his neighbors are walking around with no masks and going to parties. He said there's no reason to go to parties right now. He said he thinks we're going to see a second wave of this that will really fuck us up. He said he's very happy to have him on talking about this today.
Howard said he's going to be hosting a table read of Fast Times at Ridgemont High to raise some money but he will not be reading for Spicoli. Howard asked why that is and who will be reading it. Sean said it's a selfish thing. He said he read the book that Cameron Crowe based the movie on. He said that it became this movie that caught a lot of heat. He said he giggled at Spicoli and he wants to sit back and see that character. He said it's not really a table read but a video thing. He said the whole thing was the brainchild of Dane Cook. He said he put the whole thing together. He said he didn't really know Dane but he came out with a grant for them that they used to get going nationwide. He said they have a lot of volunteers but they're mobilizing people to get this going. He said that they have a lot of money going out and they have to get volunteers to help out.
Howard said if you want to help out you can go to CoreResponse.org
Sean told Howard what kind of testing they're doing and how they aren't doing the antibody testing. He said they are doing partnerships to help with testing in some areas. He said that they're doing different types of testing for walk ups and for drive ups. He said they do different testing for those different areas.
Howard asked how close they are to testing and getting results immediately. He asked if we're close to that. Sean said that they are working in parking lots to get a very simple test done but they hope that they'll have a home pregnancy test kind of thing to come some day. He said that way you can send it in or get it right there. Howard asked how great it would be if the government would get behind something like that. He said he doesn't blame the President for this virus but he does blame him for the response to it. He said it would be awesome if they did something like Sean's organization is doing.
Sean said that they do have the defense production act and they have seen when it is enforced and what it can do. He said that they are hearing that the vaccine is being fast tracked but he's hearing that the likelihood is that they will have one that will do very bad things to our bodies because it's a political thing. He said they need to do a lot of testing and that's not going to happen with this vaccine. He said this is going to lead to a lot of other problems because people aren't going to go to the hospital about other problems they're having. He said that they need a strategy to get things in line but we have to hope that this doesn't explode in the fall. He said we may have to do it all over again.
Howard said he's glad he's on today. He said he thinks people forget that there's an active virus out there. He said what he's saying is good because a guy called in yesterday about his brother dying from a heart attack because they thought he had COVID-19. Howard said we have a real problem in this country and it's not being taken seriously enough.
Sean said that these protests going on have a very noble mission and they will make a change for the better. He said that it would be even better if they just distanced 6 feet with a mask on. He said that they're going into Washington DC to do testing with the protesters. He said they hope they can move things in that direction. He said the protests aren't going away anytime soon. He said that he hopes that the protests or the soul of the protests to go on. He said that we're looking at the survival of our republic. He said it's time to ring those bells. He said it's a shame it happened during a pandemic but testing is essential right now. Howard said amen to that.
Howard said he's not against protests but it would be great if they had been wearing masks and social distancing.
Howard said he thinks that his character Spicoli was a breakthrough character. He said he could have done it all his career and he would have been successful. He said that Ray Walston and Sean were great together. Howard said he went on with the movies and women and he'd love to talk to him about all of that. Sean said he's not sure he could have that dialog at this point.
Howard asked if he's difficult to deal with in a relationship. He asked if he will get it right some day. Sean said that he thinks he is difficult to deal with. He said he won't advertise those issues. He said he thinks that people think that it's all about him. He said that Layla George would be the one to talk to about him. He said she knows a lot about him. Howard asked if that's his therapist. Sean said that's the gal in his life right now.
Howard asked if he's doing therapy at all these days. Sean said he has done a lot of therapy. He said he has never been a person to keep a therapist appointment. He said he has done intensive therapy over the years. He said it took him a long time to figure out that therapy wasn't hokum. He said that you can go in feeling smarter than someone and then you find someone who can ask questions that you can't answer and that makes you go hmm. He said he thinks about the amazing hospital workers and what they have to deal with. He said that they have to wear those EOD suits every day and they have people going into deal with this bomb of a virus and sometimes without PPE. He said that they know the families can't be there for their loved ones. He said that they're going to have to deal with that and they need to have people there to help them after this is over. He said people who went to Vietnam had to deal with all of that.
Howard said this is making him nuts. He said Sean is thinking this through better than the guy in the White House. He said he wasn't thinking about the trauma that the hospital workers are going through. He said we're not thinking this all through. Sean said that New York was the epicenter of this and nothing can prepare you for what they're seeing there. Howard said that's right. He said these workers are there for these people who are dying and they may be holding the hands of people who can't be visited.
Howard asked what kind of IQ Sean has. He said he must be up there. Sean said he doesn't know what it is but he's no Instable Genius. He said he doesn't know his IQ. He said he thinks it's an IQ of diminishing returns. Howard said he can write and do all of that. Howard said when this is over he's going to have him in the studio to do an interview.
Howard said he sees a chart behind him in his room and that must be the list of women he has slept with. He said he sees boxes with the names of women on them. He asked what that is. Sean said that's the names of his friends who are working for him now. He said it's some sort of command and control.
Howard said he has to promise him that he's going to sit down with him and talk to him one day. He asked what kind of trauma he had in his life. Sean said that he had a good life but you can find little things in his life he had problems with. He said the things he had problems with weren't because of his parents way of raising him. Howard asked why he thinks he didn't speak outside of the house until he was 5 years old. He said that he must have had something that was traumatizing. Sean said he remembers that time fondly and it was like he was practicing something. He said he was shy to use the language. He said he was more a personality and he didn't feel fearful. He said he may have been born with that arrogance he was talking about earlier. He said that he had a clear thought that it didn't make sense to go to Vietnam when he was a little kid. He said that it didn't make sense to him that adults were killing each other. He said it made him think that adults were stupid.
Howard said he went back and watched Dead Man Walking. He asked if he watches that stuff with the kids or just blow it off. Sean said if he stumbles on a movie that was a good experience he'll watch it. He said that he will catch himself watching a half hour of something like that. He said that he doesn't want to look back on things like that. Howard said Fast Times was such a great movie. He told him how great the scene is where he tumbles out of the van and onto the ground.
Howard asked what the worst experience on a movie was. Sean said when he directed they were all great experiences. He said he has had great relationships with actors on set. He said he has found himself having a great time with some actors. He said he didn't know what the conflict was with some actors. He said some actors are on their cell phones and staying in the loop of social media. He said there is some lack of focus for some and he loves that part of making movies. He said without continuity it was disappointing. He said he made a movie this last year and it starred his daughter. He said he's a recovered filmmaker now.
Howard said it would have been great if his daughter was on her phone the whole time. He said you'd think that it would be a joy to get a deep analysis of your character from the director. He said you could learn something from this guy.
Howard asked Sean about working with Jack Nicholson. Sean told Howard what that was like for him. He said that he made sure that you weren't intimidated working with him. He said he's there to help you and not make you nervous.
Howard asked if he watches the bottom line and the box office when he has a movie come out. Sean said he never thought about it until he was a director. He said that he just thought it was great when a movie was made and it was released. He said he has had some movies that didn't get a lot of attention from the studios and they didn't promote them enough. He said sometimes the audiences don't respond to the movie that well. He said that happens. He said it's very strange these days. He said that the movies that get attention now are the razzle dazzle movies. He said television has a lot of great stuff out now. He said that it's a very different experience than what he longs for. He said that may change now too after all of this is over. He said that we're forced to change things now and maybe the end of the razzle dazzle will be over. He said that people might be sick and tired of the smoke and mirrors that they had. He said that remains to be seen.
Howard asked what his favorite movie was to make. He said he thinks it's Milk. Sean said he's never thought that through. He said that movie is one of them. He said that Gus Van Sant is an incredible talent. He said Milk was great and Harvey Milk was a great character. He said one of the heart breakers for that was his assassination was on the cusp of the plague of HIV and AIDS. He said that now they look for leaders and they see them rising up from grass roots organizations. Sean said that he's looking at his organization and how it's growing. He said the toughest guy on the block isn't a guy. He said it's 90 percent led by young women. He said that's the cream of the crop. He said that fells aren't less but he thinks that we've gotten lazy in the assumption that only they can do it. He said he finds it really encouraging.
Howard said some of his best professional relationships were with women. He said he worked with Betty Thomas on his movie and she was great. He said men come out as experts right away but women actually study it all day.
Howard said he doesn't want to keep him all day. He said he did a good solid thing today. He said this is still in the middle of this COVID-19 thing. He said it's not over like people seem to think it is. He said gave him a plug for the web site CoreResponse.org again and said go donate.
Robin asked when the Fast Times table read thing is happening and who is he playing. Sean said he can't say who he'll be playing and Dane Cook put this all together. He said he thinks it's going to be fun though.
Howard asked Sean about this method acting thing and why he does it. Sean talked about why he does it and how it works for him.
Howard said you must be really self conscious when you are going into a new character. Sean said that he's started out as a wreck at times and he has had to build it from the tip of the shoe to the top. He said it's all different and that makes it challenging. Howard said he watched Harvey Milk tapes over and over again. He asked if that's an impression of him or what. Sean said his kids like his impressions and they like when he does the Scarface impression. He said he does it robustly but he's not really doing a great impression like some people can. He said with Harvey Milk he was a heroic leader and as a man watching him creates such a love and affection for the man. He said he felt this sorrow for the fact that he never got to meet the guy. He said the people who knew him were so affected by him. He said it's like a song that touches you. He said he had become a song in his life and he was able to go on set and work with Gus Van Sant on this film. He said they all had this feeling working on that movie. He said it was a unique experience for him.
Howard said he must have met a lot of great people in his career. He asked if he ever got to meet Belushi. Sean said he did. He told a story about how that happened. He said he was meeting with agents out in L.A. and this agent took them out to dinner and they drank and stayed out late and they were standing on the street as they were getting ready to go home. He said there were two guys who showed up in a car and it was Father Guido Sarduci and John Belushi. He said this guy asks who where the Chateau Marmont was. He said he thinks that Belushi was messing with his head asking where it was because there was no way they didn't know where it was. He said he answered and said ''You know where it is'' and they pulled away and laughed.
Howard said some time they'll go through every fucking movie and talk about it all. He said they have to get it all out there. Sean said they'll see if anyone stayed tune for this one. Howard said who cares. He said he'll let him go because he knows he has a whole thing with Governor Cuomo today. He said he'd be doing something like this if he wasn't so lazy.
Robin asked if this inspires him to get involved. Howard said it inspired him to get into movie making.
Howard talked to Sean more about his organization and all of that. He said this is the boring stuff of government that he's dealing with. He said they need money and volunteers and he applauds him or doing it. Howard said he thinks that people are running around too early and it's going to catch up with us and there will be a second wave.
Howard said he thinks Sean has had 10 cigarettes during the interview so far. Sean said he knows that cigarettes are stupid. He said he's there to say that today. Howard said he has to promise to give them up today. Sean said he can't raise his arm very high to do that. Howard said he's going to have him on again when this is over and they'll get into more. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said he applauds Sean Penn for doing what he's doing. He said he's doing it because the government can't get it done. He said he's never seen the government so impotent. Robin said he's supposed to just be Spicoli. She said he shouldn't have to do all of this too. Howard said it's a disaster. He said you have to applaud what he's doing. Robin said she does. She said it's amazing. Robin said she was wondering who she'll be looking at during the press conference today. Howard said you look at the bigger star.
Howard said Sean is doing so much good. He said that he's teaching people how to give the COVID-19 tests. He wondered if he'll smoke during the press conference. Robin said he can't be without one. Howard said she should marry him. Robin said that would not work at all.
Howard said he has so many questions for Sean. He said he has a real message but he could go through all of his movies and ask questions about each one. Robin said even the Castro stuff was interesting. Howard said he needs about 10 hours with him.
Howard said he wanted to talk about El Chapo too. He said that he wanted to encourage people to check out what he's doing. He said they're doing free COVID-19 testing. He said that's what they were promoting today.
Howard said he's the opposite of Sean Penn. He said he could never do what he does. He said he'd never go visit El Chapo. He said they have to get rid of this COVID-19 to get Sean in the studio talk about all of this.
Howard said he should wrap up the show. He said that they'll be back tomorrow. He said that he's still not sure if he'll get to see Pete Davidson's movie. He said that he's going to try to get it but he can't pause the movie without it starting from the beginning.
Howard said Donald Trump was in a tweet storm during the Sean Penn interview but he isn't talking about COVID-19 at all.
Robin asked if Howard knew that the police officer was fired from the Village People because of the George Floyd death. Robin said he was a former police officer but he wanted to wear some other outfit to stay in the band. Robin said they kicked him out anyway. Howard said that's not right. He said he can't believe what she's telling him. Jason said he's pretty sure the story is fake. He said it's from a satirical web site. He said it looks like The Onion kind if site.
Howard said he read a story about Alicia Silverstone and how she's announcing she's taking baths with her 9 year old son during quarantine. Howard said he's not the best parent in the world but that's not right to bathe with a child who is 9. Robin asked why she'd be doing that. Howard said she also made headlines for chewing her son's food before he ate it. Jason said she says that it's to make them feel comforted during this time.
Howard said he has a friend who was in therapy because his mother used to sleep with him every night in bed. Not sexually but she slept with him every night. He said he was on every medication you can imagine.
Howard said AVN, the Adult Video News, is now changing to no longer use the term ''interracial'' with their awards. Robin said it implies that there's something odd about it. Robin said that the whole world is going to change once it gets to the AVN. She said it's all over for racism.
Howard said he watches all white porn. He said he has to change. He said he wants to imagine it's him as the white guy. He said he tries to find older white men in porn so he can relate. Robin said they have talked about this before.
Howard said he was reading about the black stations out there and how they used to call them Urban but they're going to stop doing that. He said they think that's racist now. Robin said that they stopped calling them something else before that. Robin said changing the names doesn't make a difference. Howard said there are things going on out there. He said he has a lot of things to get to but they're going to end the show. He said he can get to it tomorrow. He ended the show around 10:30am.
Howard started the show talking about how when this whole COVID-19 thing started he'd wear a new outfit every day but now he's wearing the same thing every day. Robin said if you don't keep up the routine your spirit can be broken. Howard said he has been broken. He said they say that you should stick to your routine when you're a prisoner of war. He said you still do the same thing. He said he did that for the first month of this. He said that he has a favorite pair of jeans that he wasn't going to wear to the basement but now he does. He said he doesn't care how he looks now.
Howard said he's anxious to talk to Pete Davidson. He said he saw his movie and liked it a lot. He said he was shocked that the app worked. He said he was able to pause it and continue it. He said he was told it would start over if he paused it. Robin said she thought it was sweet and informative.
Howard said he was very taken with Sean Penn yesterday. He said he's really putting his ass on the line. He said he's setting up testing sites for people with COVID-19. He said he's glad they got to hear what he's up to. Robin said she watched the Governor's press conference yesterday. She said she saw Sean on with him. Howard said it would have been cool if the President said he was going to put Sean in charge of all of that. He said he's finding very little to be proud of.
Howard said the guys said that Sean was not smoking during the press conference. Robin said he was not. Howard said Robin found him to be very sexy yesterday. Robin said she finds capable being sexy. Howard asked if she would fuck Sean Penn or Andrew Cuomo. Robin said they were both together and she felt like her other boyfriend walked in while she was watching them. She said if she had to choose one she would choose Cuomo. Howard asked if she's afraid of Sean. Robin said yeah. She said he even says that he's very loud when he wants to express himself.
Howard asked if she would rather be with Peter Dinklage or Cuomo. Robin said she doesn't know much about Peter. She said she would still go with Cuomo. Howard said that's surprising. Fred played Robin saying ''Big dick energy'' over and over.
Howard asked if she would pick Cuomo or Benedict Cumberbatch. Robin said he's one of those actors who is a real artist. She said she thinks she would go with Benedict on that one. Howard said she has dumped Cuomo. He said she always surprises him. He said she was very attracted to George H.W. Bush when he was in office. Robin said she had a face to face meting with him and he was a charming man.
Howard asked Robin to choose between Jake Gyllenhaal and Hozier. Robin said she just saw Hozier doing a song on Ellen. Howard said Jake has a big, thick cock. He said he's just being an asshole. Robin picked Hozier.
Howard asked Robin if she'd pick Lenny Dykstra or Benjy. Robin quickly said Benjy. She said nothing could make her choose Lenny Dykstra. She said Ronnie shitting on the floor would win over Lenny. Howard said Ronnie with three fingers up his ass would win over Lenny. Howard said she'd probably choose Charles Manson over Lenny. Robin said he's less crazy than Lenny. Howard asked if it would be Lenny or Coronavirus. Robin said she just heard Dr. Fauci say that if you have a serious medical condition that it can wreck you. She said that she might have to pick Lenny.
Howard said he has some clips to play. He said he has been complaining about people not wearing masks. He said he can't figure out why they aren't doing it. Robin said she heard about this thing in your brain that makes you do things to save yourself when you're told to do it. She said after a while when things keep going on and it last a long time this part of your brain gives you the impression that you're in control. She said if you don't see people around you getting sick you can then start to think that they're making a big deal out of nothing. Howard said that makes sense to him. He said he and Beth were thinking they were being too cautious but they snapped out of that.
Howard said stores make you wear masks when you go in. He said a guy in Colorado was asked to leave when he didn't wear a mask. He said this is what we're dealing with. The guys played a clip of an employee asking the guy to wear one but the guy refused because he lives in a free country. The guy was refusing and they kept asking him to leave.
Howard said another man went crazy outside a Publix store in Florida when he was asked to wear a mask. Howard played that clip and the guy was freaking out about having to wear a mask. He said he was going to file a lawsuit over it. He claimed that it was a false flag and there is no pandemic. He said he has the right to get food from this store.
Howard said that guy is a sick asshole. He said that maybe you believe it's a real pandemic. He said all of these conspiracy theories are crazy. He said he saw Trump tweeting about a conspiracy theory. He said he was claiming this 75 year old guy getting knocked down might have been Antifa. He said he's ruining his life by tweeting that. He said that he can't go on the radio and make up a story he wants. He said he makes up a story he can be sued. Howard said even if the guy was Antifa he wasn't doing anything when he got pushed down.
Howard said the story Trump tweeted came from some random story he read. He said that it came from some Russian satellite thing. He said he's not sure how that's okay for him to do that.
Howard said there's a guy in Pennsylvania who tried to go into a Giant Eagle store without a mask and they threw his ass right out. Howard played the clip and the guy said he has a doctor's note saying he doesn't have to wear a mask. The guy said that he has a note over and over. They kicked the guy out as he was telling them not to touch him.
Howard said the doctor's note said this man is an asshole and get him out of my office. Howard said if you work in a grocery store you're putting your life on the line and letting people in. He said you're basically a good guy for doing that and then some guy comes in without a mask. He said you have to deal with the public and you need to be a bouncer. He said this guy is yelling and the COVID-19 spreads when you yell. He said you can't shoot the fucking guy. He asked how scary this is. He said you don't know what he's going to do. Robin said the mask protects that guy, not you.
Howard said that people can't figure out how the country works. He said that freedom doesn't mean you can do whatever you want. He said stay home and starve to death and do us all a favor. He said it's just moronic. He said there were 960 deaths from Coronavirus just yesterday. He said the President won't even tell people to wear masks.
Howard said Sean Penn is his only hope. He said that he loves what that guy is doing. He said he's doing something. Robin asked if he was inspired. Howard said yeah... he'll go do something as soon as he gets over the show.
Howard played a clip of a woman at Gelson's market in California where she claimed she didn't have to wear a mask because of a medical condition. They told her that she can't come in. She said that they were discriminating against her. She said she was going to sue them over this. They offered to do the shopping for her and she didn't want to give her credit card information.
Howard said he guarantees she didn't graduate high school. He said she has a medical condition called Assholeitis. He said this guy just wants to get through the day and this woman is giving him a hard time. Howard said she never said what the condition was. He said she knows lawsuits and all of that.
Howard said that she didn't want him to help her shop for her private stuff like tampons but she's not embarrassed about going into a store without a mask. Howard said these masksless fucks think the world is out to get them. He said they're so whiny.
Howard said a woman complained and cried about having to wear a mask on Facebook. Howard played the clip of the woman talking about how she doesn't feel good not getting enough oxygen while wearing a mask. She said her heart is beating fast and her hands are tingly. She said she understands the virus is real but look at the numbers and ask why everyone is living in fear. She said she just wants to cry. She started to cry talking about people who can't hug and hold their babies.
Howard and Robin did their impressions of that woman. Howard said that we have a bunch of coddled Americans. He said we're doomed. He said if she had just been in a concentration camp during World War II she would know adversity. He said wearing a mask is too traumatic for her.
Howard asked how that happens where you can't wear a mask. He asked what her parents did to her. He asked if she was coddled too much.
Robin said sometimes the medical workers take their masks off when they're interviewed and they have acne on their faces from the masks. She said they still wear them.
Howard said this woman made a scene for 20 minutes at a Trader Joes in California. Howard played the audio of the woman talking about how it's unhealthy for her to breathe her own CO2. She said that there is research saying we're in danger of wearing the masks.
Howard said she went off on everyone in the store calling them sheep for wearing masks. He played another clip of the woman going off on them for wearing masks. She said there's a 99 percent survival rate and they're all wearing masks. Robin said this is how she knows there is no god. She said if there was he'd give her Coronavirus.
Howard said there was a guy online who was saying Coronavirus was nothing and he got it and died.
Howard said guess who this woman was supporting for president. He played a clip of the woman talking about how you should stand brave and strong. She said let her know how you feel about all of this and at the end she said god bless the greatest president ever, Trump 2020.
Howard said they worked this into a phony phone call. He said they had Little Donnie on the Jack and Rod Show with a doctor. Howard played the bit where Sal and Richard did Jack and Rod and had Little Donnie talking to the doctor about how he hates wearing masks. The doctor argued with him that we need to slow the spread of the virus by wearing masks. They had Little Donnie yelling at the doctor until he finally hung up. Howard said we'll be seeing more of Little Donnie in the future.
Robin said she saw a group of motorcyclists standing next to each other with no masks on.
Howard said even High Pitch Erik wore a mask yesterday. He had Erik on the phone and asked where he went. Erik said he was at the AT&T store. He said he had to wear one in the store. He said fuck these people who don't wear masks. Howard said for the first week people were freaking out but we're in this for the long haul. He said it might go on for another year.
Erik said Trump should be wearing a fucking mask. Howard said even the feeble minded know this. Erik said Trump is feeble minded. Howard said he was a Trump supporter for a while. He said he has turned. Erik said he's smarter than Trump. Robin said she would agree with him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's happy that he's talking about this. She said things are being opened and there is no enforcement on masks. She said now it's a conspiracy. Howard said the second wave is coming. He said get ready for it. The caller said cases are rising in Arizona because they opened early. Howard said in Texas too.
Howard said Shuli claims that Erik is lying about wearing a mask. Shuli said Erik went to a barbecue without a mask a couple of weeks ago. He said he's lying about wearing one all the time. Howard said it sounds like Shuli's balls grew because his voice is deeper. Shuli said he must have gotten a Ronnie microphone.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she thinks the people who are complaining about the mask thing are the same ones who should call the mental hotline. She said they seem to be Trump supporters too so that's another reason to call that hotline.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had an 87 year old woman in his office last week who refused to wear a mask. He said she came up to the front desk and said they can't force her to do that. She said call her when it's no longer necessary to wear a mask. The caller said he can't make her wear a mask but he can't treat her either. Howard asked what it is that makes people not conform. He said it must be a mental illness. He said they just think about themselves.
Howard said this caller is a glaucoma specialist and he can't treat this woman because of this mask thing. The caller said he has to wear mask and a shield on top of that. Howard said he feels sorry for Dr. Rick. He said this guy is an intelligent guy who got through medical school and he has to deal with some old bat who has no clue. Dr. Rick wished his wife a happy anniversary too.
Howard said he has to have opposing viewpoints on this show. He said he has Alex Jones on the line. He took the call from Fake Alex who had his conspiracy theories about the mask wearing thing. He said that the masks that come from China are infected with Coronavirus.
Howard asked if Alex has any products that he'd like to sell to us to help with the Coronavirus. Alex went into a live commercial read for some stuff.
Howard asked if he feels he got his point across. Alex said that he did and people love what they do. He said people love the InfoWars Happy Hour show they do. He read some fan feedback about that. He said they'll be back after these words and went into a bit where George Soros gave some baby eating tips.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he drives all over the country and what he sees is ridiculous. He said no one is wearing masks. Howard said we can't even sacrifice for 2 minutes. The caller said it's all over the country that he sees this. Howard said just wear a mask to protect people. He said people can't do that. He said he's so angry about that.
Robin said she had a service knock on her door for a delivery. She said they usually just leave it. She said they needed a signature and the guy was not wearing a mask. Robin said she asked him to get away from her door. Howard said that's fucked up.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she wears a mask when she goes to the door to get a package. She said Dr. Fauci has said that we're in it bad right now. She said now is the time not to go out. She said this is what's going to kill people. She said he said that this is the worst thing he has ever seen. Robin said she read that he said it was his worst nightmare because it took a month for this virus to go around the world. Howard said it's such a nothing thing to do wear a mask.
Mariann said that she's confusing about the testing that Sean Penn was talking about. She said she doesn't go out much but she wonders if you have to get tested every 2 weeks. Robin said it does just mean that you're okay at the test at that moment. Mariann said we're fucked then.
Howard said the testing allows them to track how the virus is spreading. He said the testing is important. He said the sad part is that Sean Penn has to do it because the government won't do it. Robin said we're relying on an actor to do all of this for us.
Howard said he won't be seeing another human being other than Beth until 2022.
Howard said Gary told him about a list of things that white people should not say. Gary said they say don't go on and say anything and just listen to what people are saying. Gary said Ashton Kutcher said something online and he got into trouble for that. He said they say to just listen and don't post stuff like that.
Howard said Gary is an expert on fucking up and he knows about this stuff. He said a white NBA announcer tweeted #AllLivesMatter and then he said he didn't know what it meant. Gary said he claims that he didn't know that it was wrong to post. He said he claimed that people goaded him into doing it.
Howard said a writer for a Law & Order show was fired for posting a picture of himself in front of his house with a big gun and saying that he was going to ''light mother fuckers up.'' Howard asked how you don't know that's wrong.
Howard said the CEO of CrossFit tweeted a joke about George Floyd. He read the tweet that was supposed to be some kind of joke. Gary said they also found out that he wasn't mourning for George Floyd when he was on a call earlier that day. He said they lost all of their sponsors after that. He said he ended up resigning.
Gary said Howard missed one where the Mayor of Temecula, California tweeted out about something about no good person of color has ever been killed by police. He claimed that the phone messed up what he spoke into it.
Howard said there was a guy on The Flash who had written some stuff on Twitter. Howard said he'll read the tweets and Robin can tell him when she would have fired the guy. He read some odd tweets that the gut had sent out. Howard said this is the guy who played the Elongated Man on the show. He had tweeted out some stuff about boobs and date rape. He had one about beating the hell out of a wife if he had one. Robin said she would have fired him right there. Howard read one where the guy said that the only thing stoping him from doing mildly racist tweets is the thought of Al Sharpton never letting it go.
Howard said the lesson is to just not be so stupid. He said if you write stupid tweets and want to get away with it, become president. He said that lets you get away with it all apparently.
Robin said all of the cop shows are disappearing from TV right now. Howard said he has to get to a few ore things before getting to Pete Davidson.
Howard said this restaurant owner got into trouble for saying something racist. He said he was on Twitter or something. Howard played a clip of this guy talking about the ''little animals and savages'' out protesting. He said that they can't mess with them in Huntington. He was joking about throwing watermelons at them. Howard said the guy did an apology and he sounds like Sal in this. He played the audio of that and it did sound a lot like one of Sal's apologies.
Gary laughed after hearing that. Howard asked how he's going to educate himself if he can't read. Fred played some of Sal's ''Hi, this is Sal Governale...'' apology. Howard cut that off saying they can't sit through that.
Howard said he has a lot to catch up on. He said he looks good. He asked if those are all arcade games in there. Pete said he put them in to look cool. He said he loves video games but they're for his cousins. He said they rip the knobs off and he has to reassemble them.
Howard said Pete is killing it with his stand up. He said he's not sure where to begin. He said he did get to see his movie. He said don't ask how but he did get to watch it. He said it makes the point that growing up without a dad like Pete did, then you're going to be fucked up from it. He said that Pete's theory is that all of his problems stem from his dad dying. Pete said that you carry on that stuff into your adult life. He said he wanted to move past that.
Howard said that's not easy to tackle in a movie. He said he enjoyed the movie. He said the movie is part Cheech and Chong. He said that you see them smoking and getting high and saying stupid shit. He said it's a movie with a heart. He said his mom is Marissa Tomei. He said she looks really good. Pete said it was awkward filming with her because she's so good looking. Howard said it was a very incestuous movie. He said he bets he fucked her during the filming. Pete said no but laughed at that.
Howard said Bill Burr plays his dad and he was great. He said he gets to make out with Marissa. He asked if he thanked him for giving him the part. Pete said that he was just talking about how he's just doing his job.
Howard said Pete is basically saying that if he didn't get on Saturday Night Live that he would have been in his mother's basement and not knowing what to do. Pete said if he hadn't found comedy that's probably what it would be like. He said he is living in her basement right now though.
Howard asked why he's there in the basement. Pete said he was about to move into his own place again but he figured it was best to be there with his family during the pandemic.
Howard asked if he's still getting high down there. Pete said that he's only smoked like 5 times since the pandemic started.
Howard said Pete says in the movie that he likes to smoke weed more than drink. He said he loves tattoos and weed and he's so happy from that. Pete said he gets a big kick out of it.
Howard asked if he was told to stop smoking. Pete said he was very impulsive with the smoking. He said he wanted to be sober some of his life and be more healthy.
Howard said his wife loved the movie too. He said she told him to let him know. He said she usually walks off 10 minutes into movies but she liked this one.
Howard said in the start of the movie he's driving his car and closes his eyes like he's trying to kill himself. He asked if he has done that. Pete said he did that in his teens when he was searching for answers. He said that he would get something in his head that if he did this for x amount of time and he was still fine then he was meant to be here. He said it's not a good idea. Howard said that is pretty scary to do. Pete said he would only do it on a closed road. He said if he landed on a median or something it would be his fault. He said he has come a long way with his arcade.
Howard said it's Pete, his mom and sister living in the house. Howard said this movie was based on his life and he made it with Judd Apatow. He said that with COVID-19 he has to release it how? He asked how they are releasing it. Pete said he thinks it's available On Demand. He said it is an odd time to put it out but they wanted to put something positive out there during this time.
Howard asked when they filmed it. Pete said they did it last summer from June to August. Howard said he loves the scene where Pete meets this 9 year old kid and tries to tattoo him. He said Pete is a tattoo artist in it. He said he loved that. He said the kid runs away from the pain and they call him a pussy. Pete laughed. Howard asked how long it took to write it. Pete said they wrote it over the last 3 or 4 years. He said they got into a place where they could film it last summer.
Howard asked how long it took to film it. Pete said it was a couple of months. He said then it's 8 months of looking at yourself editing it. Howard said he heard Pete doesn't even have a mirror in his room because he hates his looks. Howard said he knows what that's like because after Private Parts he got plastic surgery.
Howard said one thing about the movie is that person who has a cat tattoos on his belly and the asshole is his belly button. Howard said that's a funny scene. Pete said they wanted that to be part of the movie because they were looking for really bad tattoos.
Howard said he didn't know Pete was tattooed so much. He asked if he's going to do face tattoos. Pete said no. He said he promised not to. He said he won't do it out of spite because people think he will.
Howard said it must ruin your life if you get a face tattoo. Pete said if you're a musician it's fine but if you're telling dick jokes it may not work for you. Howard said it's like funny guys who get bulked up from working out. Pete said he wants to be taken seriously if that's even possible.
Howard said he was watching Post Malone who did this great Nirvana cover concert. He said he was thinking about how cool he is but he has those face tattoos. He said there's something really wrong when you get tattoos on your face. Pete said it seems to work for Post Malone.
Howard asked if he got a Game of Thrones tattoo before he watched the show. Pete said he did. He said he saw like 2 episodes and got one of the wolves tattooed on him.
Howard said Pete was into cutting himself and he got into tattoos because of that. He said he was thinking about how you deal with trauma. He said that you usually try to push it away and not feel anything. He said if you cut yourself you feel it. He said the idea of the tattoos was to cover up the cutting. Pete said the stuff on his chest was about covering that up. He said he wanted to go to a pool party and not freak everyone out. Howard asked what he would cut himself with. Pete said steak knives and things like that. He said he'd put a shark over that.
Howard asked Pete how he's doing with depression right now. Pete said he's staying pretty positive with his good support system there. He said his mom and sister are keeping him in check. He said it's really healthy for him.
Howard asked how he's occupying himself all day. Pete said there's a lot of masturbating. Howard said he's like 26 so he must masturbate like a maniac. Pete said he gets in a few a day. He said there's so much time to fill. He said sometimes he's just doing it to fill the time.
Howard said he used to be able to jerk off 3 times a day. He said he had a friend who could do it 5 times a day. woad said now he jerks off and he has to wait a full day to do it again. Pete laughed and said he doesn't believe that. He said he must be shooting rope. Howard said he has nothing in the tank after that one time. Pete was laughing at him. Howard said wait until you reach his age.
Howard asked when he masturbates. Pete said after breakfast of course. He said you don't want a pre-breakfast jerk off. He said he gets one in during the afternoon and then one before bed so he can go to sleep.
Howard said Pete said that he wasn't smoking weed during an interview and a girl showed up at his house an hour later with weed. Pete said that did happen. Howard said people are undermining his sobriety.
Howard asked if he's still smoking at all. Pete said he will try it once a week or two to figure out if he still likes it. He said he ends up hating it.
Pete said he's not going out at all and he has Crones and asthma so he's fucked if he gets COVID-19. He said he sits home watching a lot of 90 Day Fiancee. Howard said he likes My 600 Pound Life. He said he likes watching them try to shower.
Howard said Crones is where you shit a lot, right? Pete said it is but he's on a medication that helps. He said you get an IV drip once a month.
Howard asked what's going on with Saturday Night Live. He said he knows he was down on the staff for goofing on him. He said that he felt alienated by the crew. He said he almost picked up the phone to call him about that but he doesn't know him that well. Pete said he would have loved that. He said Howard gives great advice. He said he thinks that he could have had that conversation internally. He said that he's learning from that stuff. He said as far as going aback he thinks he's lucky to be on that show. He said he enjoys doing the at homes so he'll stay there as long as they'll allow him to be. He said he's on for at least one more season. He said he's not sure when they'll be back though.
Howard asked who he has as an agent. Pete said he has a manager and an agent. He said he's not sure if he's doing anymore movies unless he's lucky. Howard said he heard he's doing a super hero movie. Pete said ironically he's in the Suicide Squad. He said that he got to film that but he can't say who he plays. He said it was a dream come true to be in it. Howard asked who he got to work with. Pete said Nathan Fillion, Joel Kinnemon, Margot Robbie and others. Howard made his jerking off sound to Margot Robbie. Pete laughed.
Howard asked if he used his seductive powers on Margot. Pete said he tried to stay away from her because she's so intimidating.
Howard said he would want tips from him on how to play it cool. He said he gets these women. Pete said he's not sure what these women are thinking. Pete lost his ear buds. Howard said he hates those Apple buds. He said he has Shure ear buds that are great. He said they stay in your ears. Howard said those things aren't cheap either.
Howard said if you're masturbating 3 times a day is he watching porn or thinking about the women he's been with. Pete said he watches porn. He said he has to see the images. He said he would be insane if he was masturbating to himself.
Howard said he has never had a sex dream. He said he only has nightmares. Pete said he's the same way.
Howard said he was wondering if it's better to have a father who died or have a father who is a total dick to you and alive. Pete said he thinks having a dad who was good to you and died is better. Howard said all you hear is good stories about this guy when you're growing up so you feel that you're really missing out on something. He said they should have told him he was fucked up. He said he makes some good points in that movie.
Howard asked if he had a shrine to his father in his house. Pete said they do have a shrine. He said it's super sad to look at. He said they do have photos and stuff. Howard said Pete starts freaking out when his mom starts dating in the movie. He asked if that's what it was like for real. Pete said his mom never did date. He said he made the movies to show that it was okay if she had. He said that he wanted her to know that it would be great if she got banged out by a backup NFL quarterback.
Howard asked why she never dated. He asked what was going on there. Pete said he thinks it was a mix and he was a troubled kid so she may not have had the time to do so. He said he may have taken that away from her. He said his hope now is that she starts dating. Howard asked if his sister is a goody two shoes like she is in the movie. Pete said she is. He said she's had a 98 average and she's a nurse becoming a doctor and all of that. He said she's above and beyond what he could be. Howard said that was Judd's daughter Maude in the movie. Pete said she was great. Robin said she was great. Howard asked if he hit on her. Pete said absolutely not.
Howard said the best part of being famous is the women that he can get. Pete said that they wouldn't be into him if he was working at a deli. He said that's the weirdness.
Howard said he thinks the best character he does is Chad on Saturday Night Live. He said he loves that one where he gets J-Lo to break up with A-Rod over him. He asked if he wrote that character or did someone else come up with it. Pete said it was Mikey Day and Streeter who came up with it. He said he found out it was based on the way he really responds to people. He said he thinks it turned out to be a great character. Howard said he knew kids like that. He said Sean Penn played the ultimate burn out. He said Chad is this guy who just stands there though. He said he liked that one where he was with Rupaul and gets dressed up and falls down. He asked if he likes doing physical humor like that. Pete said he loves it. He said he finds it funny when a dude falls into a table.
Howard asked what's going on in his love life right now. Robin said he must not be seeing anyone. Pete said he's not and it's really healthy for him. He said that people have heard enough about his love life for a lifetime. He said he thinks he's taking a seat back from the dating life for a while. Howard said it can fuck you up. He said if he could have been with Ariana, Kate Beckinsale and Kaia Gerber he'd be good to retire. He said it might look great to you but then you have the camera on you and people are telling you that you don't deserve it so it's constant pressure. Pete said it makes it unenjoyable. He said you can't progress as a couple because there are people taking pictures of you all the time. He said it wasn't good for him mentally or physically. He said he's taken a step back and now he's just masturbating.
Howard said he's the same way. He said there's nothing wrong with masturbation. He said that there's too much pressure out there. He said he heard that his uncles were all jealous that he was dating Kate Beckinsale. Pete said it was the first time they took an interest in his career.
Howard asked Pete if he lives in fear of his mom catching him masturbating. Pete said he makes sure that she's cooking or showering when he does it. He said that's his biggest fear right now. Howard said he loves that he's got this big carer going and now he's in his mom's basement worrying about her catching him jerking off. Pete said we're all like that. Howard said sometimes he jerks off in bed and gets rid of the tissues.
Howard asked when he was on the show last. He said he was in there with Ariana Grande in the green room. Howard said after the interview she came into the studio and was on his lap. He said he was shocked at what was going on there. Pete said that had to be like 2 years ago.
Howard said he read that Pete was in a mental hospital or something shortly after that. Howard said he wanted to call him after that but he didn't think he knew him that well. Pete said he can bother him and it would be an honor.
Howard said they're going to sell the movie on demand or something. He said he must have a plug there. He read that the film is called The King of Staten Island and it's directed by Judd Apatow. Pete said he really appreciated that he got Judd to do that. He said that they met on the set of Trainwreck. He said he did a walk on cameo. He said over the next couple of years they tossed around ideas. He said they finally landed on this story. He said they wanted to dive into his childhood. He said it was Judd's idea to have his mom date a fireman. He said the ball started rolling after that.
Howard asked Pete if he has ever hung out at a fire house to find out what it was like for his dad. Pete said they did 9/11 anniversary things and he would go but that got really depressing. He said he did get to see the firemen enjoying their job and goofing on each other. He said it would make him jealous thinking that his dad would still be doing it today if he was around. He said Judd made sure that he was okay when they were shooting in the fire houses.
Howard said there's a scene where a guy comes up to him and said he knew his dad and he says something to him about how he doesn't have to be sorry. He said that the guy thanks him for his sacrifice of going up his father. Pete said that was said to him by a couple of guys and he didn't get it but Judd explained it to him. He said it did really happen to him.
Howard asked who he's hanging out with. Pete said he hangs with his friend Jay and some other guys online. He said he hangs out by himself mostly. He said he's friends with Machine Gun Kelly too. Robin said that guy is dating Megan Fox. Howard asked how he gets into that club of guys who date women like that. He asked how that guy is fucking her during quarantine. Pete said he's another excellent cocksman. He said he's just one of those guys. Howard asked if they talk about that stuff when they talk online. Pete said they get to it before they end their calls.
Howard asked if he's still hanging out with Nick Cannon. Pete said not so much but he's still friends with him. He said he's a really good guy. Howard said he's very encouraged hearing about Pete today. He asked if he's talking to therapists at all. Pete said he has two. He said they keep him in check. Howard asked if he's depressed all the time. Pete said pretty much. Howard said he is too. He said the only time he's not is when he's with hot chicks. Pete said those are the good times. Howard said hot chicks are medicine.
Howard said he knows Kaia Gerber a little bit. He said she was at his house when she was a little kid. He said that he showed her about painting and she was very interested in it. He said he liked her. Pete said she's really smart and kind and wise beyond her years. He said he was very lucky he got to know her. Howard said he thinks they'll get back together. Pete said that's very kind.
Robin asked if he doesn't want a famous woman. Pete said it's very difficult for him. He said that it's kind of counter productive for him. Howard said he has some advice for him. He said he has dated famous and not famous women and the non famous women are 50 times better. He said they appreciate you more than you can believe. He said the other person who told him that was Donald Trump. He said when he used to be goofy on the show and had fun he had good advice.
Howard said he's very proud of Pete. He said he's doing great jerking off in his mother's basement. He said he's depressed for him thinking about that. Howard said he had to claw his way to the top and he had guys getting him breakfast every morning. He said things were brought to him but now he has to go make his beds after the show. He asked what happened to fame. Pete said it's all gone.
Howard asked if he's bummed that they can't have a premiere. Pete said it is a weird time but it's nice to have something fun to watch. Howard asked if they thought about putting it out on Netflix or something like that. Pete said they don't have any say in that. Howard said maybe this will be the way they put out movies now. Pete said Scooby Doo crushed so maybe they'll do okay. Howard said he thinks he has a hit on his hands. He said he thinks he'll do well. He said the movie was heartwarming. Robin said it was good and she thinks that it's very heartwarming.
Howard asked Pete about what it was like when Judd wanted to put his daughter in the movie. Pete said she crushed it in the audition. He said she was the right person for that part.
Howard said Adam Sandler is great at putting people in all of his movies. Pete said he loves that guy. He said he hopes to be like him some day. Howard said his loyalty to his friends is impressive. Pete said you don't see that a lot. Howard asked if Pete is going to write more movies. Pete said he hopes so. He said he had a great time doing this one. Howard said Pete is doing great and living in his basement. He counted 3 video games down there. Pete showed a few others that were in the room. Pete said they have it going on down there.
Howard said Pete is in the King of Staten Island. He asked if he likes living there. Pete said he loves it. Howard gave him some plugs for the movie and other things.
Howard asked Pete if he has any advice for the people out there. He wanted a message of hope. Pete said it's a difficult time and he hopes that the discussions they're having now result in change. Howard said he was hoping he'd tell people to wear masks. Pete said he does hope for that too. Howard said he heard he has to run because his mom is in the shower and he has that minute and a half to jerk off. Howard asked what site he uses. Pete said he uses JizzHut. Howard asked if that's a real thing. Pete said it is. Howard wrapped up with Pete and let him go. He said he's a funny guy that he likes. He said he really does like that kid.
Howard said he really wanted to call Pete and give him advice but he does that with people and then he wonders what the hell he's talking about. He said he can imagine something would happen to Pete after his call and he will have been his last call. Howard said his movie is great. Robin said it really is great. Howard said he might have to check out JizzHut too. He said he wouldn't start a site named JizzHut. He said YouPorn makes more sense. Howard said the guys said that JizzHut goes to YouJizz.com.
Howard said how about his buddy is fucking Megan Fox. Robin said she couldn't believe that. Howard said he sees pictures of that guy and Megan driving around in a car every day.
Howard said he didn't know Pete that well. He said they had only met once. Ralph said he thinks that would mean more to him if he did reach out. Robin said that's just what's in Ralph's head.
Ralph said he used to turn his car lights out and drive on dirt roads like Pete was saying. Howard said that's really dangerous. He said he was in a car as a kid where this guy had gotten his license and he tells him that now he's going to know... Beth came in and dropped some stuff off and ran out. Howard said he loves Beth because she doesn't want to be on the air.
Howard and Robin spent some time talking about Real Housewives and shows like that for a short time. They were talking about how fucked up people are on those shows. Ralph doesn't watch but he saw them on Family Feud and saw how fucked up they were and figured he might have to start watching.
Howard said Chris Wilding says that Ralph is not social distancing. Ralph asked how so. He asked what that little rat has to say now. Chris got on and said that he's not attacking him or ratting him out. He said there's a picture of Ralph on Instagram with this guy who owns a restaurant. He said they are wearing masks but not social distancing. Ralph said he was over there working. He said he took a picture and that's it. Ralph said he was taking a picture and that's it. He had a mask on. Chris said he was drinking a beer too. Ralph said he's fine. Chris said he's in the store and stuff all the time too. Ralph said he has to get food. He said just because you want to be a shut in doesn't mean he does too.
Chris said Ralph stopped talking to him for a couple of months. Ralph said he likes Chris and he gets mad at himself when he gets into it with him. Ralph said he should block Chris right now. Howard said he thinks Ralph needs him. Ralph said he doesn't.
Howard asked Chris why he let Ralph bring him food. Chris said he had him drop it on the street and bike away. Ralph said he did that because he knows he's a hysteric.
Howard said these two are always fighting. Chris said they're like women. Ralph said Chris is but he's not. Chris said Ralph is very girly.
Howard asked if Chris could date Ralph. Chris said no way. Robin said come on. Chris asked if Robin could date him. Robin laughed. Howard asked who would be on top in that relationship with Chris and Ralph. Chris said that Ralph is a bottom bitch boy. He said he'd be eating his cum. Ralph said he has to go.
Howard asked Chris about what he would do to Ralph if he was fucking him. Chris talked about how he'd slap it around his asshole a bit before putting it in there. Ralph said Chris is a bottom now. Chris said he did it once and that does not make him a bottom. Chris said he hasn't gotten laid since February so he's kind of desperate.
Howard asked Chris more about what he would do to Ralph. He got pretty graphic about banging him hard doggy style and things like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Chris is wrong here about Ralph. He said he is not a fan of Ralph at all but here he's being a lying bitch. Chris asked if this guy wants to get fucked in the ass. He said he will be fucked so hard.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling in from Israel. He said he has been a fan for a long time. He said in Israel you have to have a mask. He said there is no choice. He said you're fined $1,500 if you don't wear one into a store. Howard said they're tough over there. He said just put the fucking mask on like the Israelis. He said just make it like Israel and wear a fucking mask or get fined.
Ralph said if he goes out and people don't have a mask on he yells at them. He said this is what you have to do. He said you have to shame people into it. Howard said he would be doing that too but he's famous and he has to keep a low profile.
Howard said he's not sure if Ralph and Chris will ever fuck. Ralph said Chris will never leave his house so he can say they won't. Chris said he knows where he lives. He said he's very desperate right now. Howard asked if he would fuck a woman. Ralph told Howard not to get crazy. He asked if he has ever fucked a girl. Chris said he had a weird experience in high school. He said the girl fucked him and it was kind of traumatic. He said they were at this party and she was coming on to him and they were hanging out after doing a play. He said she manipulated his penis with her hand and he got hard. He said he can get hard for a girl. Ralph said maybe he's straight. Chris said not at all. He said he used to jerk off to lesbian porn. He said if a guy was doing to a girl what this girl did to him they'd call it date rape. He said that she did that but he didn't fuck her. He said he has cum from a woman but never had sex with her. He said it was traumatic at the time.
Ralph said if you came from that and it was a girl then it was straight sex. He said Howard wouldn't cum if he jerked him off. Howard said he's pretty sure he wouldn't cum. Robin said if it feels good then you're going to get excited. Chris said he could make Howard cum. Howard said that's not going to happen.
Howard said a poll was taken and 75 percent of the staff think that Chris and Ralph will have sex at some point. Ralph laughed. Chris said he likes Ralph as a friend. Ralph said he used to like Chris as a friend too. Howard asked if he is attracted to Ralph. Chris said sure but he has never masturbated to him or anything. He said he has thoughts about him but he doesn't act on them.
Howard said 32 percent of the staff think they have already fucked. Chris said if that happened he'd be on the air right away with the story.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said Ralph has sounded like he wants to hook up with Chris. He said he should just try it and see if he likes it. Ralph said if he liked Chris in that way he would say it. Mike said maybe he's afraid of the real thing.
Jason got on and said that Chris is a horny dude. He said they have their Zoom meetings and you can see his eyes going around looking at all of the guys. Chris said he tells Will to take his cock out all the time.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw the picture of Sarah Silverman in a bikini on Instagram. Howard said he did. He said she's working on her body and she looks in good shape. Ralph said they look like porno pics. He said he has one critique. He said she might need to shave a bit. He said there's a little bit of a bulge in the one where she's looking down. He said there's a mound down there.
Howard checked out the pictures and said Ralph is out of his mind. He said she looks like a dead body in one. He said good for her. He said she looks like she died from COVID-19. He said she's in good shape. He said Ralph thinks it's hair but it could be meaty lips.
Howard said Ralph is an expert on women. Ralph said he can tell when women are dirty. He said he was right too. Howard said he was. He said he was dating a woman and he got something from this woman. He said he didn't have anything but his rubber did come off and he had a burning sensation when he peed. He asked how Ralph knows when a girl is dirty. Ralph said he can just sort of tell from looking at them and other things. He said you can test. Robin said they have to have a contest. Ralph said he was thinking that. He said if they ever go back into the studio they can do something. Howard said that won't be any time soon. Ralph said just make the promo for it even if they don't do it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that what they're referring to on Sarah is called popcorn. Howard said he really doesn't think that's what it is. He said popcorn is pubic hair. The caller said that it's unhealthy to make your bed every day. She said it encases dead skin cells and mites and cat dander. Howard said he doesn't let he cats in his bedroom. The caller said that you still have skin cells and all of that. Howard said he's going to make the bed because Beth likes it when he does. Ralph said this woman is dirty. She called Ralph some names. Howard said this is Dorothy who had advice for Memet and his apartment. He said he didn't take her advice and now he's afraid of his landlord.
Dorothy said that Memet is a wuss and he was in the military. She said that Robin must agree. Robin said they don't have to get into that. Robin said maybe he had balls at one time and he lost them. Howard said they don't make fun of someone's service.
Dorothy told Howard that she got an ionizer that she wears around her neck as another help for Coronavirus. Howard said he's not into that new age shit. Robin said it's not new age shit.
Howard said Dorothy claims that she goofed on Mick Jagger when he hit on her many years ago. Dorothy said she did goof on him and he ran off. Howard said she described herself as a slut in the 80s. Dorothy said he was old. Howard said that's pretty cool. Dorothy said she remembers what she was wearing then too. She described her look to Howard. She said she used to go out and have fun but now she stays in her apartment. Howard asked what she used to look like. Dorothy said a friend told her she looked like Mackenzie Davis but she has no idea who that is. Howard and the guys didn't know either.
Howard said he has Mick Jagger on the phone and he says she's lying. Howard took the call and the fake Mick went off on her talking about how gross she was. It was the worst Mick Jagger impression.
Dorothy said she was told that she looks like Jamie Lee Curtis in Knives Out. Howard said Mackenzie Davis was in Terminator Dark Fate. Ralph said she's kind of mannish. Howard said Dorothy claims that she's 60 and has less cellulite than a 16 year old. Dorothy said she lives in a walk up so she stays in shape. Howard said goodbye to everyone a short time later. Ralph told Chris to call him later. He also said that a lot of people in Jersey City are wearing masks. He said just wear the masks wherever you are. Howard let Ralph and Chris go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard that interview yesterday and he's one cool cat. He said Howard is a great interviewer but he felt like Sean was tickling his tonsils. He asked if that's a man crush he has. Howard said he is very impressed with what that guy is doing. He said that he's doing ore than the federal government for this country. He said he feels like Sean is in charge of the Coronavirus crisis. He said he was very impressed and very moved by what he had to say.
Howard said the reality that he's broadcasting from his basement for months now is crazy. He said the fact that Sean is sitting in a room with a chart in his room trying to get people tested is impressive. He said we can all have fun with Ralph and Chris but what Sean Penn is doing is a breath of fresh air. He said he is a man crush.
Howard said today is the three month anniversary of the last time they were in the studio.
Howard read some fan feedback about Benjy and his mystery age. He read through a bunch of those. There was also a report by Steve Langford who said he was born in 1967 so he'll be 53 this year. Jason said that was confirmed because they found an article in a paper from 1978 where a 10 year old Benjy was pictured.
Howard read some fan feedback about Ronnie's concrete shit. Someone said they think that Stephanie put concrete in his oatmeal and was trying to take him out with that. Howard read a few other comments about that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's been listening to him for a long time since she was a kid. She said her parents would turn the sexual stuff off and then turn it back on. Howard said she must not have heard much. She said that was from when she was like 9.
The caller, Deirdre, asked if Howard would rather go to the hospital and have the impaction taken out than do it yourself. She said she has had to do that before and she can get her fingers in no problem. Howard said he's not sure why they're getting impacted but he's no doctor. The caller said that it was from pain killers after surgery. He said that he would probably not do it himself. He said he thinks that he'd go to a professional. He asked how often she has to do it. She said she had to do it twice. Howard asked how old she is. She said she's 39. Howard said she should go to the doctor. He let her go a short time later. Howard said he didn't know there was an epidemic of impaction out there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why Trump doesn't attack Howard like he attacks other celebrities. Howard said he's not sure but it would be sad for the country if he was attacking him with everything that's going on right now. He said he's busy fighting with Jimmy Kimmel. He said if he was President he'd never think about Jimmy Kimmel. Robin said maybe it's a good thing that he hasn't thought about it. Howard said we're laughed at internationally. He said our allies don't have any faith in us anymore. He said to sit and think about him would be a disgrace to the country. He asked who would think about him. He said he's just a stupid entertainer. Howard said he has no idea why Donald does what he does. He said it would be silly for him to waste his time with him. He said testing and urging people to wear masks is what he should be thinking about.
Robin asked if he has any friends who are racist. Howard said aside from Sal, not really. He said he thinks Sal is just dopey and not even racist. Robin said she has a friend who blames the Chinese for the Coronavirus and he said ''Those Chinks...'' to her. She said it made her wonder what is going through people's minds.
Howard said Erik was all proud of himself today about wearing a mask and Shuli called him out on it. Shuli said Jeff has been on a tear about Howard not picking up on him all week. Howard said Jeff isn't on the phone today. He said he turns on him when he doesn't pick up. He said sometimes he can't break away to get to him.
Howard told Jeff to call in right now or even Erik. He said he can have Shuli call Erik out on his mask wearing. Howard said while he waits he'll get in a plug for Gardein. He talked about the show sponsor for a minute.
Howard asked Shuli what Jeff said about him. Shuli gave him the rundown of what he was complaining about. Howard got Jeff on the phone and Jeff was yelling as soon as he picked up. Jeff said that he knows he can't get through since this whole thing began. He said it's bullshit. Robin asked what he wants to talk about. Jeff said they can't just hit him up like that. Shuli said he complains about not getting on every day and now he has nothing. Jeff said this isn't the way he wanted to get on. Howard said he's now going to regroup and ask Jeff what's on his mind. Jeff said he would appreciate it if he picked up the fucking phone when he calls in. Howard said it gets old when he picks up and he just complains. Jeff said that he just wants to know why he doesn't pick up on him. Howard said he can't pick up on him every time.
Howard said Jeff wants to be the center of attention all the time. He said he has to give up on this.
Shuli told Howard that Jeff sent him some stuff about Jeffrey Epstein and Trump over the weekend and he asked him what he thought. He said he told him to call into the show with it. He said he wasn't able to get through.
Howard said he heard that Jeff had a problem like Ronnie had. Jeff said he wasn't able to go for like 2 weeks and he went to the pharmacy and they gave him some things to take. He said he sat on the bowl for 2 and a half hours after taking this stuff and nothing came out. He said he went on the bowl again when he thought he could go and after 2 hours it finally came out. He said it was the widest shit he had ever taken. Howard thanked Jeff for the great story and let him go. Jeff said it was good talking to him. Howard said sure. Shuli did his impression of Jeff a little bit.
Howard got High Pitch Erik on the phone and said that Shuli is calling him out on the social distancing thing. Erik said he wears a mask whenever he goes in an Uber or to home Depot or Lowes. Shuli said that's not social distancing. Erik said he wears one when he goes into stores where they say you have to. Shuli said he showed up to his house without a mask. Erik said he knows Shuli doesn't have COVID-19. He said he doesn't have the underlying conditions. Robin said Erik does. Erik said he takes care of himself. He said he wears the mask when he has to. Howard said you have to wear one all the time.
Shuli said this is a guy who owns a car and rented a car so he doesn't have to move that car he owns and now he's taking an Uber. Erik said he went to the beach and people weren't wearing masks there. Erik said he and his friend were staying 8 feet apart from other people. He said he and his friend were only 3 feet apart though. Howard said we're doomed.
Erik asked what's up with Jeff the Drunk. Howard said he can't put him on every time he calls in. Erik said he doesn't get on all the time either. He said he needs a good reason to get on. He said he has Debbie the Cum Lady who wants to be with him. He said that's the way to get on the air. Shuli said he has never seen someone laugh at someone like Erik laughs at Jeff. Howard said he heard that Erik is making six figures working on Cameo.
Howard had Ralph back on the line and he was talking about the image of Erik at the beach and how funny that is. He said he hates to agree with him but Jeff is a complete idiot. He said he has an agenda when he calls in and Jeff calls in waiting for him to pick up to ask him how he's doing. He said he never has anything to talk about.
Howard got Jeff back on the line and Jeff went off on Ralph while Ralph tried to give him some advice. Jeff went off on Erik too. They went at each other until Jeff hung up on everyone. Ralph said Jeff has nothing to say clearly.
Howard took a call from Mariann who said that this is what Jeff does. She said that he slams the phone in her face too. She said that he never gets his point out.
Howard said Bobo calls in and never complains. Bobo said he has his questions and an agenda. He said all Jeff does is complain and then hangs up on the host. He said that's not right. Shuli said Bobo isn't being honest. He said he goes into a spiral if Howard doesn't pick up on him. Bobo said that was back in the day. Shuli said he calls them in a deep depression if he doesn't get on. Bobo said that's different now. He said he's not like he used to be.
Bobo told Howard about a test he did with his mask and how you can blow out a lighter with a bandana on but not with a medical mask. He said you have to wear a medical mask.
Howard said he heard Bobo got pulled over by the police recently. Bobo said he did. He said he saw them following him so he was doing everything right. He said he asked what he did and it turned out his registration was expired. He said the officer told him he liked that he put his hands on the wheel and didn't go digging around for stuff. Ralph said he didn't renew his registration though. Bobo said he didn't get it in the mail after moving recently. Robin said that's your responsibility.
Howard talked to Bobo puppet for a short time. Fred did his impression of Bobo talking about getting pulled over.
Bobo was saying that with these protests they're going to ''exasperate'' the COVID-19 problem with tear gas because it makes people cough. Howard said that's the wrong word. He said that he has to end this. He thanked everyone who called in during this segment.
Howard talked to Bobo puppet for a minute and then took another call from Mariann who said that Bobo is so annoying. She said he's an asshole. She went off on him about being a phony. Howard let her go after letting her vent for a minute. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:30am.