Howard said it looks like Robin has lost a lot of weight. Robin said she's doing nothing but working out every day. She said it's the prison workout. Howard said she's gotten way hotter. Robin said house work is a lot of work. Howard said he talked to a body builder and asked where this weight lifting came from. He said he said it was like what they were trying to replicate people doing in the fields. He said maybe they should do something productive instead. He said they used to have to hunt and things like that. He said now we go to a gym and pretend to do things. Robin said it's like walking on a treadmill. She said they used to have to walk everywhere. Howard said he went for a walk with Beth and forgot his phone and got upset that he had to walk upstairs to get it.
Howard said prisoners are in good shape because they're trying to build tunnels to get out. He said now he has more robots in his house than people. He said he has 2 Roombas now. He said he learned there's a mopping robot made by them and he ordered that too. He said he started talking about Roomba and there was a big run on them after that. He said they evidently had that effect. He said the PR people from I Robot got in touch with him. He said they wanted to send him free stuff but he's buying his own. He said he can't take free stuff.
Howard said he got this mopping Roomba and they used it in the bathroom and it picked up a lot of stuff that Beth missed. He said she assured him it was clean but it picked up a lot of stuff. He said he thought this thing was the coolest. He said as a kid he had the Great Garloo but this thing actually does something. He said the mop is fucking awesome. He said all of Beth's jobs are being outsourced to robots.
Robin said she got a Roomba too and was surprised at how well it works. She said it does get stuck sometimes though. Howard said they do that occasionally. He said they're kind of like Wendy the Slow Adult if she could vacuum. He said they get stuck and stare at the wall sometimes.
Howard said he goes for a walk and people aren't wearing masks. He said he and Beth do. He said the mask is to protect the other people in the street so its not to protect you. He said it's slowing down the spread. He said you're thinking of others if you wear one. He said they see a lot of people out there and you move out of the way if someone is coming. He said he's the one who moves. He said no one else does. Howard said it emasculates him if he's the only one moving out of the way. He said it's like a game of chicken with him. He said Beth will just say it's no big deal and move across the street.
Howard said he's willing to move 50 percent of the time. He said no one else moves. He said he thinks they should be intimidated by him but they never are.
Robin said just think of your own health and not what others are doing. Howard said he wants respect. He said he's respecting other people's space. He said then he sees that they're not wearing a mask or a bandana. He said he's wearing this big mask and his glasses are fogging up. He said every person they pass isn't wearing a mask. Robin said he should stay home.
Howard said they're fucking idiots and they think that they're safe out on Long Island. He said he saw a virologist and they found that a cough can go more than 6 feet. Robin said it can go like 13 feet. Howard said he gets so upset when he sees people out not wearing masks. He said people are not following the rules.
Robin said for the most part her neighbors are being very good. She said they wear masks and they separate. She said they move out of the way too. She said they've been wonderful. Howard said he's in the bizarro world. He said he would tell them off but he doesn't want to get his ass kicked.
Howard said every girl in high school and college moved out of his way. He said it's such a weird reality.
Howard said Trump has his own theories on ways to cure this virus. He said he doesn't know what he's doing. He said his statements are idiotic. He said that he thought that using Clorox into your body could clean out the virus. He said he was saying the craziest stuff. He said he'd love to see him try that out on TV. He said maybe he and his followers can all try it together.
Howard said he wanted to give his own theories and have something from Krypton cure it. He said it's a real embarrassment. He said then he said he was being sarcastic. He said that's a real insult to say that. He said he wasn't being sarcastic. He said he starts saying that CNN is fake news. He said meanwhile he's saying that Clorox and ultraviolet light could cure people. Robin said he was thinking outside the box.
Howard said Trump points to himself and said he's not a doctor. He said he forgot the word for brain and had to point to his head. He said this is just crazy. He said he has the clip but he's sure people have heard this. He played the clip where Trump was talking about using ultraviolet light and disinfectant.
Howard said this is like having Sal as President. He said he knows a lot of people like the guy but how do you watch this stuff and think it's normal. He said they say that this was taken out of context but come on. Robin asked what context that would be right in. Howard said he needs a concerted effort to get rid of this virus and this is what's going on. He said we're months into this and all we're looking for is someone to tell everyone to stay indoors. He said it's so fucking simple. He said just stay off the air and put on medical experts.
Howard said this is like idiots coming up with ideas to put Clorox in people's ass. Robin said he was talking about putting into your veins. Howard said someone has to tell him to shut the fuck up. Robin said he didn't hold a briefing for the first time in a few weeks. She said maybe they're realizing that he's not helping.
Howard said Lysol had to release a statement saying that you can't inject their product. He said now Trump is upset that reporters are reporting on what he said. He said he was fun as hell to have on the radio but who the hell is going go vote for him for President?
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked him for doing shows during this time. He said this constant stuff about Trump is too much. He said Trump was being sarcastic. Howard said he wasn't being sarcastic. He said he doesn't get this. Robin said he turned to a doctor and asked if they're checking into that. The caller said that's a different story.
Howard said it's mind blowing to him that this is happening. He said he doesn't get it. He said if his doctor wanted to put bleach inside of him he'd be scared. The caller said if you're stupid enough to do that then it's called natural selection. Howard said he's all in on voting for a wall instead of Trump. He said he's all in on Biden. He said we're in deep shit and they could have been ahead of this curve if they hadn't delayed.
Gary said Trump was saying that people should give back their Nobel prizes but he spelled it ''Noble'' instead.
Howard said Alex Jones wants to debate them about this. He had fake Alex on the phone to debate them. Howard kept him on for a few minutes. Fake Alex had a bunch of wacky stuff he was saying as usual. He gargled some bleach to show how safe it is.
Howard said he was going to do an interpretive reading of Trump's speech but he's not sure he wants to do that now. He said he doesn't want Mike from New York to get upset with him.
Howard read some quotes from Trump where he was asking a doctor about these treatments and asking if they have tried them out. Howard said he has to move on from this.
Howard said he is not anti-republican and he has voted for many. He said he's not sure what's going on now but he doesn't have a good feeling about the party as it is now. He said he doesn't see this as the old republican party.
Robin said she saw that the essential services that are opening in Georgia are massage parlors and nail salons.
Howard said Beth has been after him to cut her hair. He said he learned how to cut it online. He said she got upset that he wanted to do that. He said he wanted to read about it and do a good job. He said he ordered scissors and stuff to help. He said she just wanted him to cut her hair straight across. He said he learned how to do it to stop split ends. He said she ended up cutting her own hair. He said she fucked up and now it's all frizzy at the ends. He said she should have listened to him. He said he could have done it right and she could have put it on her Instagram. He said he'd get her down there to talk about it. He said she'll probably bring down his strawberries soon. He said he has been good around the house lately helping. He said he's making the bed in the morning and setting up the Roombas. He said he cleaned out his attic and threw out a bunch of stuff. He said Robin would have been proud of him.
Howard said their attic was all blocked up with shit. He said he was on fire cleaning it out. He said Beth didn't want him throwing stuff out. He said they haven't seen this stuff in 10 years though.
Howard said he was doing the dishes and Beth hates the way he does them. He said she doesn't like the way he arranges the dishwasher so she gets upset about that. He said he hates their dishwasher. He said she just wants to do it herself.
Howard said he wants Beth to come in and show her hair. Howard said when he does something around the house he wants some praise. He said he talks about how he's doing it and she already knows he's doing it. He said he wants full credit. Robin said that's amazing.
Howard said they're doing well. He said she asks when it's going to be over and he thinks it's going to last 2 years. He said the governor thinks they might be okay by the summer. He said the virus isn't going away. He said it's out there waiting for them. Robin said you can't get back to normal until they have a vaccine.
Howard said wildlife is coming around their house now. He said they had a wild turkey outside their house.
Howard said he's not leaving his house for 2-3 years. He said the rest of the country can ado what they want. He said he doesn't like doing the show from his basement but he can do it. He said it's not so bad. He said he's just doing it. He said he's not leaving. He said they're not going to get rid of this virus. Robin said they need a vaccine.
Howard said maybe Trump can start injecting himself with bleach and they can all follow along. He said he can be like Dr. Frankenstein. He said he can be like Jeff Goldblum in The Fly. He said Trump is like Jeff Goldblum in ''Independence Day.''
Howard said he was mesmerized by this guy. He said maybe he's been in quarantine too long but he was into this guy. Howard said a lot of these performances sound like shit but this was good.
Howard said he thinks Post was doing this house coat thing as a tribute to Kurt Cobain.
Howard said he was thinking about how great Billy Corgan is. He said he was wondering how he's not up there and worshiped like the Beatles and Stones. He said that guy is a brilliant genius who doesn't get the respect he deserves. He said he was listening to the Smashing Pumpkins song ''Rocket'' and thinking about how great it is. He had the song playing while he talked about it.
Howard and Beth talked about the robots they have and how they have to order replacement mop heads and cleaning solution.
Howard said he vows to her that he will not talk about any of the people not wearing masks. He said he'll keep it to himself today. Beth asked how long they've been in quarantine. Howard said 43 days. She said they've walked maybe 40 times and he complains every time. She said she just wants to look at the water and the houses and things out there. Howard said they can pretend they're walking now. They pretended to do that and Howard kept his mouth shut about the people not wearing masks.
Beth asked if she can cut his hair. Howard said it's an art to cut curly hair. He said he doesn't want to let her cut his hair. He said he can't have Robin goofing on him on air if she messes it up. Beth said it'll grow back.
Howard said he will keep quiet about the people not wearing masks. Beth said she had to reload the dishwasher too. She said she has to redo things that Howard does. She said he's making the bed and it's terrible. She said she has to show what's going on. She asked him to stop helping. Howard said he doesn't want his wife doing all the chores. He said he cleaned the attic. Beth said she's afraid to go up there. Howard said he was up there cursing.
Howard said she asked him not to make the bed but he decided to do it. He said he admits that he has trouble with the dishwasher. Beth said it's fine. She said he stacks on top and he wastes space. She said he never finds the space she leaves for him. She said just leave it in the sink. Howard said he hates leaving things in the sink for her. Beth said she'd prefer it. Howard said he can't do it. He said he'll do the utensils. He said he can do cups and stuff too. He said he'll do that too. Beth said there were some glasses that were sideways this morning. She said she has to show him how to do it. She said she has to go. Howard let Beth go.
Robin asked if he can vow to look for only positive things on his walk. Howard said he can't do that. He said he can't stay there and walk with Beth and now show her what he's thinking. He said she needs to know this. Robin said she's had to deal with 40 days and 40 nights of this.
Howard asked if living with him sounds like fun. Robin said oh yes. Howard said he knows he's nuts. Robin said just talk about the things that make him happy instead of complaining.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she heard the guy call in about Trump earlier. She said she loves hearing Howard talk about him. She said the world has gone mad and she loves hearing about that. She said she does agree with Howard on that but she can listen to all sides of things.
Howard said he's sick of talking to people who think they're fine and don't have any cases in their area. He said it'll get to them soon enough. Robin said they have a density problem there. She said everyone is on top of each other. She said they need more space.
Howard said he has to compliment the new Bachelor franchise called ''Listen to Your Heart.'' He said it might be better than the regular bachelor. He spent a minute on that and said he has to take a break. He said they have to talk about Tan Mom and get some staff updates. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said having a studio in his basement is odd. He said he walks by it and sees ''work'' there. He said he closes the door to it and he still sees it as work. He said it's not fun. He said he's glad he can work out of his house but a house shouldn't be for work. He said you shouldn't think about work at home.
Howard said he was talking to his mom about how fortunate it is that he can work there. He said he has to be positive with her because she's so down. He said he tells her that he doesn't think this thing will be over for 2 years. He said she listens to what he says. He said she gets upset about this 2 years thing. He said she will bring up Cuomo and what he said on TV and how this summer they may be okay. Howard said he's still thinking 2 years.
Howard said his mother doesn't like the heat in the summer. He did his impression of her talking about this with him. He said he was talking to his 3 daughters on Zoom. He said he told his mother about how he feels bad for them because they were in the middle of doing things and now they can't do them. He said his mom said she feels for the old people who can't get out and do things on their own.
Howard talked about how he had to take a break from talking to his mother. He said she called him and said she can't hear him. He said he had to tell her to hang up and he'd call her back.
Howard said his mother was acting like something terrible was going on. He said she asked him if he could do a favor. She said she wanted to drink some Clorox. She was joking with him about that after hearing what Trump said.
Howard said his dad can't hear and barely talks anymore so his mother calls him to talk about this stuff. He said he tells his mom that it's going to be 2 years before they get out of this and his father says he's an idiot.
Howard did more of his impression of his mother talking to him about the situation they're in.
Howard said he's ready to jump out a window. He said it's insane. He said he can't believe the reality they're in.
Howard said his mom brings up how he always listens to her stories. He said she's had a lot of stories over the years. He said he always felt bad for her. He said he was afraid she'd jump out a window if he didn't feel for her. He did more of his impression of her talking to him about that.
Howard took a call from a guy named Mike and he wondered if everyone is named Mike. He said everyone on the phone is Mike. He said maybe it's good that his name is Howard. He said that's like the least popular name in the United States. He said they had to use an H. He said his mother wanted to name him Harvey. He said his father said no to his mother. He said thank god they didn't name him Harvey. He said that's the one name worse than Howard.
Howard said he could have accomplished so much more if he hadn't gone through religious training. He said he doesn't even know what those songs he sings mean. He sang a little bit and said they don't even tell you what they mean. He said he could have gotten a job if he had been able to do something other than that.
Howard said he was excited to get a Hebrew name when he went to religious training. He said this old Jewish guy would sit there and give you the names. He said he named one kid Mendal. He said another was Robbie. He said he came up to him and said he was Tsvi. He was like ''What?'' Howard said he wondered how Howard became Tsvi. He said even when you say it saliva builds up. He said that sounds like ''feet'' to him. He said he hates the word feet too. Howard said he went home and asked why he was Tsvi.
Howard said his cousin was named Paul and that's a cool name. He said that Tsvi wasn't cool. He said if he was Paul he would have been Pauol. He said Tsvi is like a sound a fly makes. He said it sucked.
Howard said he asked his mother what that name means and she told him his Yiddish name was Haersht. He said that it's horrible to be the underdog but why not give each other cool names. He said he was destroyed. He asked if anything in his life can go right. Robin said she's trying to think of a cool name that begins with an H.
Howard said the teacher smelled bad and he'd walk up to him and call him Tsvi. He said the breath that came out of him was like shit. He said it smelled like he had shit on his head. He said this guy's breath was unbelievable. He said he probably never cleaned his mouth out.
Howard said years later he found out that the guy who named him Tsvi didn't have a name for Howard so he just came up with something.
Howard said this guy just looked at him and named him Tsvi to fuck him up. He said his mother named him after his grandfather who was a horrible person. He said he doesn't understand that either.
Howard said why not name him Coronavirus. He asked how the fuck he even functions. He said it's been a battle.
Howard said then they prepare you for the bar mitzvah. He said he thought God was going to visit him at 13. He said he was afraid that he was going to become a man at 13. He said he didn't want a visit from god. He said it was so strange that you become a man at that age. He said you go in every day and learn how to sing this song for the Bar Mitzvah. He said it's really tedious. Howard had Fred play the tape of him singing at his Bar Mitzvah. Fred played the clip. Howard said he sounds like a woman singing. He asked how he's a man when he sings like that.
Howard said his grandfather didn't want to come see him do it so he had to record it for him. Robin asked if he even listened to it. Howard asked who knows. He said his mother said he got it and he was very happy about it.
Howard said all of that training he did was such a waste of time. He said he could have done so many other things that would have been productive. He said just send him to music lessons of some sort. He said his grandfather was a pants presser and he's evaluating him.
Howard said he guarantees that Jimi Hendrix didn't study this shit. He said what a waste of time that all was. Robin said she's wondering if he's going to scream about this stuff at 90.
Howard said he's busy out there wasting his time with all of that. He said imagine if Eddie Van Halen was Jewish and wasted his time with all of that. He said he wouldn't have had Valerie Bertinelli or anything he's had. He said he could have been Eddie Van Tsvi.
Robin said there are plenty of Jewish musicians who have done well. She named Bob Dylan and some others.
Howard said this is the front of the tape he sent to his grandfather. He played the clip of him talking to his grandfather about the bar mitzvah. He was thanking him for the cuff links he got him. Howard said what an awful gift that was. He said he loved the guy but come on. He said he sounds like Vanessa Bayer on Saturday Night Live when she does the Bar Mitzvah boy. He did his impression of himself as a kid for a few seconds.
Howard said he might as well have sent him a monocle instead of cuff links. He asked what he was thinking. He said the guy never even wore them himself. Howard said his singing tape was 7 minutes long. He said the speech was at the end. He said you know his grandfather didn't listen to it.
Howard said his grandfather lived in Miami and his parents sent him a radio. He said he thought he got the wrong one because the stations were all Spanish. He didn't know that there were a lot of Spanish stations down there. Howard said it's a miracle that he can function.
Howard said he's exhausted already. He asked how many hours they've done already. Robin said he's been yelling since the start of the show. Howard said he has to get out of his basement. Howard did more of his impression of his talk with his mother about Coronavirus.
Howard said he is working out but he hurts himself and the recovery time is really long now that he's older. Howard said he and Beth decided to try this thing out. He said he wanted to take her from behind while standing. He said Beth said okay to it and went along with it. He said they get in the closet and get right into it. He said they don't mess around too long. He said they get right into it.
Howard said there's another show on Netflix called ''Too Hot To Handle'' that Jerry O'Connell told him to check out. He said it's not that good but he's on episode 5 anyway. He said the women are good looking on the show.
Howard said he and Beth tried to do their thing and he realized he had made a mistake. He said they went to bed just like Beth thought they'd do. He said she was right again. He said he can't do it standing up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Governor Cuomo is great. He talked about how he was talking about this Mitch McConnell talking about how he doesn't think that New York should get stuff that other parts of the country doesn't get. Howard it's disgraceful what's going on. He said he's very proud of Cuomo and Mayor de Blasio.
Howard let the caller go and talked about how much he liked Post Malone. Robin asked if he saw Miley Cyrus on Saturday Night Live. Howard said he did. He said she did a great cover of that Pink Floyd song.
Howard said he read a good book. He said how about him reading a book. He said he was reading online about Kathy Valentine from the Go-Gos writing a book. He said he read about it on Bob Lefsetz column. He said the book was really good. Gary said it was called ''All I Ever Wanted: A Rock 'n' Roll Memoir.'' Gary said he just started reading it. Robin asked if it's on audio. Gary said it is. Howard said that's not reading, that's listening. Gary said he's reading books too. He said he's reading a book by Andy Friendly. He said he's also reading Mr. Skin's book. He said he has a lot of stuff on his shelf to read. Howard said how about him having a book. Gary said it's been out a while. Howard said the name of Andy's book is '' Willing To Be Lucky.'' He's not sure if he knows Andy. Gary said he thinks he does. Howard said the book is rated like the 2 millionth rated book on Amazon. He said he must have sold like 5 books.
Robin said a friend said they wanted to thank Howard for mentioning the Metamucil stuff in his book. She said they had a problem and stated using them and got through it. Howard said he loves Metamucil. He said he wishes Beth didn't know he ate them though. Howard said Dr. Agus recommended them. He said that his doodies come flying out now. He said they fly like a bird through the air.
Howard said he doesn't know Andy Friendly's book. He said so many of these guys start production companies and can't come up with hits. He said they take credit for things they didn't have anything to do with too.
Howard said he worked for this guy Bob Mounty who was something else. He said Pig Virus would tell him he can't do something and then he'd get pulled into Bob Fiorvanit's office. Then he'd go on air and say douche bag and get dragged back into the offices. He said then he was sent to Bob Mounty's office. He said this guy was something else. He said he must have had fake choppers. He said they were big and white and he'd be sucking stuff out of his teeth. He did his impression of the guy doing that and lecturing him about his work there at WNBC.
Howard said this guy would lecture him and he'd leave and it had no affect on him. He said it was pointless.
Howard said that Bob Mounty's obituary claims that he attracted talent like Soupy Sales and someone else. He said there's no mention of Howard Stern because they weren't attracted to him. Howard did more of his impression of the guy sucking stuff out of his teeth.
Howard said he has to take another break. He said he'll come back with a Tan Mom update. He said she had a benefit concert to raise money for a tanning bed. Robin said she claims that's not what it was for. Howard said he's not sure. He said wait until you hear this concert. He said it was mostly Adam Barta. He said he has a game to play too. He said Bob Mounty wasn't a terrible guy. He said none of them really were. He said they just had a job to do.
Howard said he just wants to go to sleep. He said he could do that. He said he could just walk upstairs and go to sleep. Robin asked if he's ever going to go back to work in a studio. Howard said he can't imagine he will until it's all clear. Robin said he'll have to get up earlier again. Howard said he's still getting up early. He said this hasn't helped him at all. Robin said she gets up an hour later. Howard said he still has to get up earlier. He said he can imagine going back to the studio but you'll never see him without a mask on. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said they play this song on Lithium every 10 minutes. He said he's not sure what the name of the song is. He said he knows the song though. Gary said it's ''Come As You Are.'' Howard said he can't believe this guy killed himself.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has some good news. He said he called into the show a few years ago about his brother in law who was living in his house and he had to ship him off to rehab. Howard cut him off in the middle of the story because he wasn't summing it up. The caller said in the end he's been clean for over 3 years. Howard said that's great. He said that it's very hard to get off of heroin so that's great.
Howard said he has to talk about this Tan Mom Benefit concert. He said that Gary told him during the break that he read Andy Friendly's book and he raved about it. Gary had a tweet about it from 2017 where Andy mentioned Howard talking about it. Howard said he didn't remember that. Howard said he's sorry he read it and forgot about it.
Howard said there are a lot of celebrities doing benefit concerts. He said Tan Mom and Adam Barta did one called QuranTan. He said that they performed all of her hits. He said it was covered by the NY Post who called it a total flop. Robin said that's great praise for her.
Howard got Tan Mom on the phone to talk about it. Howard said the plan was to get her a new tanning bed because the tanning salons are closed. Howard said they also promised that the proceeds would go to God's Love We Deliver. He said Tan Mom thought it was ''Good Love We Deliver. Howard said some of the money was going to them and some to her tanning bed.
Tan Mom said that they did it for fun and to raise people's hopes. She said the money went to charity. She said Adam set all of that up.
Howard said the tanning bed company wouldn't call her back. He said Adam thinks that it was because they didn't want to be associated with the Tan Mom brand. Tan Mom agreed. Robin asked who loves tanning more than Tan Mom. Howard said she comes out looking like a burnt ant. He said it's supposed to be a healthy glow and not a piece of toast that was in the toaster for 3 hours.
Howard said Adam got a return call from the tanning bed people immediately. Howard asked Shuli what that call would sound like. Shuli had a Tan Mom puppet with him and did his impression of her calling the tanning bed company.
Howard said he worries about Tan Mom. He asked if Shuli covered the whole thing. Shuli said he did. He was still doing Tan Mom's voice. Howard asked if Shuli got involved at all. Shuli said he watched parts of it. He said any time she performs he'll watch. He said no two performances are the same. Tan Mom said her equipment wasn't working for her over there.
Shuli did more of his Tan Mom impression with her screwing up the name of her iPad calling it a Pad-i.
Howard said JD sat through the entire concert. Robin asked how long it was. Shuli said it was 7 minutes too long. JD said it was almost an hour. Howard asked what it cost. JD said it was $5 but he paid $10 when he bought 2 tickets accidentally. Tan Mom thanked him for buying 2. Howard asked how many were sold. JD said he thinks over 100. Howard said hew as thinking JD was the only one who bought tickets.
Howard said the show was a mess from what he heard. He said that it was filled with technical glitches. He said Adam tried to talk to Tan Mom and her audio was so bad you couldn't hear it. Howard played a clip. Tan Mom was talking but the audio kept cutting out. Adam was talking about how they have a reality show in the works called From Tan to 10. Shuli did his impression of Tan Mom talking about that.
Howard said the first song they sang in the concert was her new release ''Glossy.'' He said Tan Mom was just staring at Adam singing. He said she sort of sang at times. He played a clip of that.
Tan Mom said the reception was horrible and they're trying to figure out how to do it better. Howard asked if she ever thinks she can get better at singing. Tan Mom said it's more Adam's job and she brings on more people and he does the singing.
Howard asked how Tan Mom felt about people getting their money's worth. Tan Mom said she thinks they did.
Howard said Tan Mom flashed her tits at one point. JD said they looked great actually. Howard said that they sang ''Free 2 Be'' next. He said Adam did all of the singing. He played a clip.
Howard said Adam is calling it a success. He said they sold 152 tickets. He said Adam sent $420 to God's Love We Deliver. He said that viewers could also tip Tan Mom during the concert. Tan Mom said they made over $1000 and gave it to charity. She said she thought the concert was great. Tan Mom said that she's there to bring the people in and Adam is about the singing.
Howard said you see her staring at Adam a lot. JD said you couldn't really see her that much. He said that she was on Adam's Facetime but you don't see that much of her. Shuli did more of his impression talking about the concert and screwing up the name of God's Love We Deliver. Tan Mom said she's getting really beat up this morning for sure.
Howard asked how many Filet-O-Fish's JD would give this concert. JD said he'd give it 3 out of 5. Howard said that's pretty good.
Robin asked if there's going to be a tanning bed delivered. Tan Mom said not from that company she was dealing with. She said that she's going to get one but she's paying for it herself.
Howard thanked Tan Mom for being with them and let her go. Howard said Adam Barta wants Andy Cohen to pick up her new reality show. Robin said of course he does. Howard said there's a clip of Adam talking about that in the benefit show. Adam said the show deserves to be on Bravo and he asked Howard to help them out with it. Howard said Andy said he'd rather get Coronavirus again than do that.
Howard said he has to talk to Robin for a second about this. Howard asked if Sal has ever assumed anything and been wrong. He asked if he is mitigating right now. Sal said yes. He said he's staying indoors and not spreading the virus. Robin said he doesn't have the virus. Sal said he's staying home and not getting it. Howard asked if the kids are mitigating too. Sal said the kids are in mitigation right now. Howard asked if they can't see them because of that. Sal said they are home schooling and mitigating. He said they're practicing mitigation right now.
Robin asked if Sal has ever heard of a dictionary. Sal said yes. Howard said Sal's parents got Coronavirus and they got over it. He said his mom said that she's going to get the antibody test but she spelled it ''Andy body.'' Howard asked how it feels to be the smartest one in the family. Sal said he did see that.
Gary said Sal says he's turned on by Dr. Birx. Howard said of course he is.
Howard said Sal has been going on walks and he says it's amazing what you'll see when you look down. He had a list of things he's seen on the sidewalks when he goes out for walks. He said he's seen condoms, dice, food, sunglasses and other things. Howard said you'd think he'd observe something nice outside. Sal said he looks for spiritual signs when he goes out. He said he thinks there will be a sign that things will be good. Howard said he's like his father playing the numbers. Sal said it's nothing like that. He said he's looking for something spiritual and his father is looking to hit the lottery.
Robin asked what he would have to see on the ground to see something is better. Sal said the dice said that life will not crap out for you. Howard said he saw one die, and saw that as a sign. Sal said dice are played with craps so he figured it was a sign from god. Howard said maybe it was showing him that life is crap. Sal said if it was 2 dice then it's craps. He said it was just one dice and it was a 5 so it was a good number. Howard said that's interesting that he thinks god is communicating with him with trash on the ground.
Howard asked what the condom told him. Sal said it was nothing. He said he just moved on. He said dice was god and the condom was random. Robin asked if there were any other signs. Sal said the sunglasses were interesting. He said he wasn't sure what that signified. Robin said God put them there. Sal said maybe it means that things will go back to normal so put on your sunglasses and go outside. Robin said Howard hired this guy. Howard said his mitigation is inspirational. He said keep an eye out for dog shit in the shape of mother Mary.
Howard asked if there's anything else he suggests they can do. Sal said they have to exercise mitigation. He said put your mask on and continue to mitigate. He said he's on top of things and this is his message. Howard said that's a great message. Robin said she's so proud of Sal.
Howard said he has made the right move hiring Sal. He said he's glad that no one else got a hold of him. Howard asked what the KFC bucket meant to him. Sal's wife, Christine, just walked by so Howard said he's so sorry she has to be married to Sal. Sal's wife said that she's thinking about what the fuck kind of moron is talking. She said stop mitigating and get back to work. Sal said he's at home so he is mitigating.
Howard asked Sal's wife what she makes of his thoughts on signs from god with the garbage on the ground. Sal's wife said that she tries not to think about that. Robin said that she must not have heard about the die on the ground. Sal's wife said she did not. She said she needs a break from this mitigation thing. Howard let Christine go a short time later.
Howard asked Robin what Sal is trying to say with this mitigation thing. Robin said they are talking about mitigation but they aren't talking about what Sal's talking about. Sal said they say that mitigation is important so he's doing it.
Howard said Sal had the lowest IQ on the staff. Sal said it was still a good one. Gary said it was 2 points above stupid. Sal said at least it was above stupid.
Robin asked if Howard wants to tell Sal what mitigation is. Howard said he'll never tell him. He said mitigate means to make something less severe or painful. Robin said they're trying to lower the numbers so it's less probably that you'll get COVID-19 when you go out. She said it's not about the quarantine that Sal is talking about. Howard asked Sal why he'd use that word if he doesn't know what it mensa. He said he's using it so improperly that it makes him sound stupid. Sal said he knows what stupid means. Howard said staying at home is an example of mitigation for Coronavirus. He said that's not the definition of staying at home. Howard tried to explain it to Sal but Sal wasn't getting it.
Howard said he should know not to try out new words. He said he's done it before. Sal said he's trying to educate himself. Robin said he should look it up instead of just using it. Sal said he thought he knew.
Howard said what he would do is pick 30-40 words that he knows well and just use those. He said he'd sound like Tarzan. He did an impression of what that would sound like. Howard let Sal go after that.
Howard said Sal was going around talking about mitigation like crazy. He said he had to get that on the air. He said he saw dice on the ground and thought God was talking to him. He said Sal is on fire in a writing session. He said he's a funny guy but he's not sure what's going on with his mind.
Howard said he had a lot to get to today but they're going to end it before his neighbors get up and start using their WiFi and cut him off. Gary said they should talk about their sponsor for today. Howard did a plug for Gardein who sponsored the show today.
Howard asked who the funniest on the show was today. He said it has to be Sal. Sal said thanks. Howard said his wife is so beautiful. Sal said she's an amazing woman. Howard said Sal talks about dice and then he sees his wife.
Howard had a clip of Michael Rapaport going off on Gary about not booking Bruce Springsteen on the show when Bon Jovi was on.
Howard asked Gary what happens there. Gary said he and Michael have great conversations off the air and then this happens.
Howard read some feedback about Michael going off on Gary and how upsetting it is to one listener. The woman said that she and her friends all gag when he's on the show. Gary said Michael is always sick too and he's always carrying a tissue and snorting his snot.
Howard said many people talked about how much they love Tan Mom. He read through some of that feedback.
Howard read some feedback about his obituary about Mort Drucker. Howard said he got an email from Mort's daughter Lori. He read that and she told Howard that he really was self taught after going to art school for one month. She said he was told he wasn't good enough. She said that you can achieve things if you push hard enough. howard said Mort was pretty damn amazing if he was self taught or not. Howard said he'll leave it at that. Robin said it was very nice of her to write to him.
Howard said he got a lot of mail about Slim Whitman and the Mars Attacks thing. He said he'll get to that tomorrow. He ended the show around 10:05am.
Howard started the show talking about how Amy Schumer will stop by and talk about how she's doing in quarantine. He said she's in Manhattan as far as he knows. He said she goes out and bangs on pots to thank the health workers at 7 o'clock. Robin was talking and she sounded different so Howard had her testing out her microphone.
Howard said he has a pot of water boiling so you might be able to hear that. He said he's like Grandpa Munster boiling shit in his basement.
Howard brought up Memet and how everyone should know who he is if they listen. He said they do have a free promotion going on so they don't know who is actually listening now. He said the app is free for a certain amount of time. He said it's been successful from what he hears. He said it's brought back a lot of fans. He said it's all good and he's very proud of this company for doing that. He said it's a good move during quarantine. He said they'll end up with a lot more subscribers. He said he's a big believer in this company. He said he was listening to the radio while they were on vacation last week. He said he listens to Lithium and he likes the way they present the music there. He said he does like the live DJs. Robin said she does too.
Howard said there's a guy on Lithium he likes a lot but he's not sure what his name is. He said he's very good. He said Madison is very good. He said he listens to Deep Cuts too with Carol Miller. He said that brings him back to the past. He said they play stuff he's never heard. He said it felt really good to listen to Carol. Robin said she'll find Meg somewhere at times. Howard said she's on the Beatles channel. He said she even finds Beatles songs that he didn't know. He said he's not sure if she ever listens to a hit song or if she only listens to this weird shit. He said she finds music people don't like.
Howard said she gets irritated by listing to the radio and hearing music people know. He said she gets irritated by that. He said she got hired to run a station that played stuff no one ever heard. He said he once heard her talking about how he's very main stream so they'll put him on at a certain time of day.
Howard said it was like a put down to say he was into mainstream music. He said Meg would play this obscure stuff that no one ever heard. Robin said she favorite thing was to hear her Christmas show when they worked with her at K-Rock. Howard said they would obscure the fuck out. He said it was Christmas music no one wanted to hear.
Howard said he heard Meg say that he had just played Crosby, Stills and Nash like it was a bad thing. He said this was when he was working at WRNW with her. He said she feels like she's ahead of the curve with The Ramones and other bands like that. He said she wants to discover it and they discard it by the time you find it.
Howard said Meg is way out of his league in looks and with her taste. He said he does like hearing the DJs there at SiriusXM. He said he likes streaming services but he likes to hear the DJs. He said he was listening to the Radiohead song ''Creep'' and a DJ said that the band hated the song. He said it's a great song. He said the band won't play the song live because they hate it. Howard said he loves when the guitar comes in. He had the guys turn the song up so he could hear it. They were playing it as he was talking about what the DJ said. Howard said he wants to be in a band that just plays that guitar part.
Howard said Meg just kicked her radio hearing him playing this. Robin said she must have a whole music library at her house. Howard said he was working at this station and Meg and her husband got hired at WPIX and he was jealous that they had made it. He said they were out after like a month. He said they had less than a one share at that station. He said his jealousy was gone within 2 months.
Howard said someone said that Prince covered ''Creep'' a few years back. He said he'd like to hear that. Gary said they say that Radiohead hated the song when they were recording it and Thom Yorke said the song sucked Satan's cock. He said anyone who does like it is anally retarded. Howard asked what that even means. Robin said she's never heard that before. Howard said that's like yelling at someone and saying something that doesn't make any sense. He asked why they'd put it on an album is they didn't like it. Robin said they had it on their set list too. Howard said it doesn't make sense.
Howard said his point is that the app is free and he likes that people are tuning in and listening. He said he likes the DJs on the stations and it's very cool. He said he's happy to be associated with it.
Howard said this guy Post Malone used to make him want to throw up. He said he has tattoos on his face and he kind of tuned out his music. He said he saw that concert of Nirvana songs and it was something else. He said the guy knows the lyrics and he can play all of the songs. He said he had a good interpretation of them too. He said he went from being a douche bag to him to what a talent.
Howard said he had that feeling he had back in the 60s and 70s with that concert. He said this guy is in a house coat and black fingernail polish. He said he thought about how much he wanted to be a rock star.
Howard said he had that feeling again that he wanted to be a rock star. He said Post was smoking between songs and that was cool looking. He said he was swigging beer too. He said it was just fucking awesome.
Howard said he did the Nirvana stuff and it was awesome. He said he has some clips to play. He played Post Malone covering Nirvana's ''School.'' He said this is great. He said he saw this and it was just fucking awesome. He said you have to watch this guy because he makes it look so easy. He had the guys play ''Stay Away'' after that.
Howard said Post used to look like a slacker who fell into this but he's really a master musician who really worked at it. He said he judged a book by its cover. He said this guy really worked at it and he's not a jerk off. Howard had the guys play the cover of ''Stay Away'' and some of his cover of ''Lithium.'' Howard said the guy can really play.
Howard said the guy is really good. He said the other performance that was mind blowing was the Jersey for Jersey concert and Bruce Springsteen and his wife did a song that really turned him on. He said they did ''Jersey Girl'' and it was amazing. He said it was the most beautiful moment. He had the guys play that song and said you can't take your eyes off of this guy either.
Howard said only certain people can pull off this thing where he can't stop watching. He said Tom Waits wrote this song. Robin said she didn't know that. Howard said he could watch these two all day singing. He said they did another song too and he watched that a couple of times. Howard said they're perfect together.
Howard said Jon Bon Jovi did ''Livin' On a Prayer'' on that special too. The guys played some of that too. Howard said they have it all. Howard asked who knew Jon could play guitar. He said you think that Richie Sambora was the guy.
Howard said there are a couple of people who can still fire you up as musicians. Robin said there's a new challenge where celebrities are challenging each other to raise money. Howard said leave him out of that. He said they want him to be part of it but leave him out of it. Robin said Justin Bieber will come to your house and sing you a song to raise money. She said he's trying to do anything to look older because he has that baby face. She said his new moustache is terrible. Howard said most guys can't grow a good 'stache. He said you look half man and half boy.
Howard said he has President Trump on the phone. He had fake Trump on the line and talked to him about these crazy ideas he's been putting out there. Trump said it was sarcasm and he can do some now. He said he doesn't want to see those huge knockers of robin's. He told her to get them out of there.
Trump came up with some other ideas for getting rid of the virus. He suggested putting sunlight right into the lungs. He had a few other things that he threw out there. Howard said this is a good place to spitball ideas. Trump came up with another idea to shoot the virus with little bullets that won't kill the person. He also suggested taking the lungs out of the person while they're getting better.
Fake Trump said he saw a movie where they had a tiny guy go into a body. He asked if they can do something like that. He said maybe they can make the virus huge and nuke it instead.
Howard said he doesn't mind him coming up with ideas on this show. Trump asked if his dick can quarantine in Robin's vagina. Howard said that's the Donald they love. He said scientist Donald doesn't work.
Trump asked for a Zoom blow job from Robin. Howard said that's where his ideas are great. He said maybe it's time to wrap things up. He let Trump go a short time later.
Howard said his is a safe space for the President. He said he can spitball ideas like that here. Robin said you can tell it's a joke here.
Howard said two guys in Georgia drank bleach. He said they asked Trump if he felt responsible. He said no he doesn't. Howard said they describe the two gentlemen as ''disturbed.''
Howard said Melania just turned 50 and Donald must be going out of his mind. He said it has to be rough on him. He said he married her when she was much younger. Robin said that's why she's rarely ever seen now. Howard said he could be marrying a 20 year old if he hadn't run for president. Robin said he tweeted her a birthday wish. Howard said that's really warm.
Howard said her big thing was being against cyber bullying and she's married to the biggest cyber bully in the world. He said she can't even get him under control. He said ''Be Best'' was her thing and that was dropped.
Howard said Trump was embarrassed by people making fun of him over the bleach comment so he won't talk at the press conferences anymore.
Howard said the Insane Clown Posse canceled their gathering of the Juggalos for the first time in 20 years. He said they don't want any of their lives to be threatened but that's the same event where a guy cut off his nipples for 20 bucks. Howard said he can't believe that they're being so responsible.
Howard said they say that Kim Jong Un may have had an operation and the doctor was so scared of working on the guy that his hands were shaking and it may have killed him. He said that would be great if he died because he scared people so much in his country. He said this guy has his own train over there. He said they say it's full of hot chicks and food. He said they say that his sister will take over if he dies.
Howard said this guy Kim Jong Un is a horrible person. He said he once killed a general with a anti-aircraft gun because he fell asleep in a meeting. He said he may have killed his own brother and he killed his uncle. He said this little fuck arrested this college student from America and put him in prison for 15 years and by the time he got out he was in a vegetative state and died when he got home. Howard said he hopes he's dead and he died a painful death. He said they should drive that private train right up his ass. Robin said she doesn't think he's gone.
Howard said he's probably hiding from the virus. He said that they try to make up myths about him like he bowled 7 perfect bowling games. He said that's lame stuff to make up stories about.
Howard said they say that New Zealand and Australia were on this thing right away so they barely have any cases there. Robin said they were on it with a cruise ship. She said they quarantined it and they were able to slow it down.
Howard said that's why he's pissed. He said that they had a team to stop stuff like this and they were all fired. He said if you're not pissed about that then you're mental.
Howard said this administration dropped the ball. He said you can believe what you want but that's what he believes. He said they dropped the fucking ball.
Howard asked Jason what it was that Trump defunded. Jason said it was an organization within an organization. He said it was a group that was disbanded in September 2019. Howard said Obama started it and Trump hates everything Obama did so he got rid of it. Jason said they were all defunded and they saved $150 million doing that. Howard said that's what people should be pissed about. Jason said now 25 percent of the deaths from COVID are in America. Howard said you should be pissed off by that. He said don't call with your political views. Howard said Trump's administration killed off USAID and that's what you should be pissed about.
Howard said people are calling him about politics. He said this isn't politics. He said this is life and death. He said he's locked in his house because of this. He said pour some Clorox in your ass and cure it. He said this isn't politics. He said he's locked in his house and New Zealand is doing a better job than we are. He said Australia doesn't even speak right and they're doing better.
Howard read some feedback where people went off on him for talking about politics. He had some about Sal too but he had to take a break and get to Amy Schumer. They went to break a short time later.
After the break Howard came back and asked what that package is that Robin sent. Robin said it was her Coronavirus survival package. Howard said he's not touching anything that comes in the mail. Robin said she knew he'd reject that. Howard said he doesn't want to open it. He said it's been in the garage a full day already. He said they have to wait another day. He said they opened one box and it was full of another box so they have to wait a day. Robin said what's in there will help with that. Robin said they could wipe down the box. Howard said he didn't know she was giving him work to do.
Howard said thanks for the package but he doesn't know what it is yet. He said he wants to talk about a bunch of stuff but Amy Schumer is supposed to join them. He said Gary said that she's MIA. He said that he could play a Jon Hein phony phone call. He said he had a game to play too. He said they took the Jon Hein audio book and made a phony phone call. He said the Swap Shop radio show was doing a theme of what people are binge watching. He said when they want phone calls it's easy to get through. He said this is Jon calling Swap Shop.
Howard played the call and the show took Jon's call and he went on and on asking about when shows jumped the shark and going on and on about shows like the Dukes of Hazard. The guys had him call in with information about Gilligan's Island. The host keeps asking him to stop talking about it and then stops taking calls all together. Howard said Jon Hein fucked them up real good. They stopped taking calls.
Howard asked Amy how she's doing in all of this. Amy said she's good. She said she lives in New York so there was some terrifying stuff. Howard said he was thinking about her. He asked how old the baby is. She said he'll be a year on May 5th. Howard said it has to be scary to bring the baby around. He said that he feels bad for young mothers. Amy said they fled New York a couple of weeks ago. She said they had to get out of there. She said they were bringing the baby out and the Paparazzi were showing up. She said she had to leave town.
Amy showed Howard and Robin the baby. Howard said he's adorable. He said he wasn't sure what he'd look like. Amy said that the baby's name is Gene. Howard said Amy likes Dave Attell so much that they gave the baby the middle name Attell. He said then they realized the name Gene Attell sounds like genital. Amy said she read that online somewhere. She said that she freaked out when she realized that. She said she's the dirty comedian and she didn't think about that. She said the last name is Fisher so the name sounds like Genital Fissure. Howard said he still thinks that Howard is the worst name even compared to that. Amy agreed. Howard said he thought that she was all in on the naming and she'd go for something even crazier with the second baby. Amy said that's the first of many failures. She said it's just awful.
Howard said maybe that was her comedy mind working and it was on purpose. Amy said she doesn't think so. Howard said poor Dave Attell. Amy said they actually did have to remove the name and change it to David. Howard asked when she told Dave that they were going to name it after Dave. Amy said she thinks when she was 8 months pregnant. She said Dave is like family. She said she's known him her whole life. She said Dave's mom used to take care of them. She said she's the smallest woman you've ever seen.
Howard asked if she had to call him and tell him that they had made a mistake and had to change it. Amy said she's unwell and they may not have told Dave. She said he probably found out on the news.
Howard said Dave would be fine with it. He said you know that it probably turned him on to have a baby named after him. Howard said no one has ever been named after him.
Howard asked where they fled to. Amy said they're on Martha's Vineyard. She said they can walk outside there. She said they're not terrified there. She said they wanted to get out of there and not be photographed every time they go out for fresh air. She said they have a part time nanny here too. She said her dog is with them too. She said sometimes she wants to punch the dog up the street. She said that they can't get it to stop barking. She said it used to be her baby before Gene came around. She joked about getting rid of the dog but Howard said you can't do that. Amy said she knows that. She said that Keith Robinson told her she wouldn't care about the dog once the baby came.
Howard asked how she got the nanny to come around and stay with them. Amy said she's a full time student so she has her classes online. She said she's from the Philippines and she doesn't have family there so they're her family. She said they have a sweet set up there so they're all working as a team. She said they all watch TV together every night. She said now she's a professional camera person.
Howard said if she didn't have that nanny she'd be going insane. He said she could ask for a million bucks and she'd have to pay her. Amy said she can't complain about anything now. She said thank god for this nanny.
Howard said before all of this stuff started he was following Oprah on Instagram. He said he saw Amy show up on her show. He said that she went to talk to Oprah as an honored guest. He asked how that came about and if she gets paid for that. Amy said Oprah flew her in and out the same day. She said it was in North Carolina. He said you get paid just being able to hang out with Oprah. Howard said he'd ask for a couple of dollars. Amy said she did that arena and she had fun doing it with her. She Oprah has been there for her. She said she was proud to be on that list.
Howard asked if she is starting to feel like this is her life now or does she have that burning passion to go out. Amy said she gets to be with the baby so much and it's a lot of time she gets to spend with him. She said it's so much but she will run from the house screaming when she can go back out.
Howard asked if she's still writing material like Jerry Seinfeld does. He said he spoke to him the other night and he's still writing. He said he's a comedy machine. Amy said she's not missing going on stage as much as she misses hanging out with the comedians at The Cellar. She said she's working on a lot of things right now so she's staying busy.
Amy said that Ted Alexandro has a great special that he's working on. She said she's not sure how you get back on stage and complain about things.
Howard asked how people get bored in quarantine. He said you have to be doing house cleaning and things like that. He said you don't have anyone coming in to do the cleaning. Amy said she's doing her own laundry now. She said it's kind of nice to be doing that. Howard said it would be a lie to say you were doing your own laundry all this time. Amy said they had a nice cleaning lady named Bertha who they miss. She said that she had a writing office that she closed as soon as she heard about Wuhan. She said that Bertha stopped showing up shortly after that.
Howard asked what happened with Kyle Dunnigan. Amy said he was staying with them for like 10 weeks. She said that Kyle is her guest on her podcast today actually. Howard said that was a fascinating story about him staying with Amy. He said it sounds fun but kind of annoying. Amy said she's always had comics live with her. She said you hang out and watch TV at night. Howard said he couldn't do that because people get on his nerves. Amy said she and Kyle lived with Tig Notaro at one time. Howard said you have to get away from each other. Amy said Kyle is like a brother to her. She said her friend Rachel Finestein lived with her a couple of years ago too. She said that you have to try it if you can.
Howard asked if she has had friends who can't deal with her success. Amy said she has had friends who can't deal with it and they tell her.
Howard said he can't imagine having someone living with him. He said he has gotten people together to watch The Bachelor and he doesn't want to miss a word of it so he gets angry. Robin said she got shushed once for talking during a horrible movie they were watching together.
Howard asked how her husband deals with someone living with them. Amy said they have had a bunch of people living together and they like it. She said her husband is real cool. Howard said her husband is a chef so they sold a TV show to some network. Amy said that they offered them a cooking show and they said they'd give them some money and donate 50k to the Middleway House. She said that it was the Food Network that agreed to do that. Howard said her husband is a professional chef and he's going to teach her how to cook. He asked if she's going to take it seriously. Amy said they shot it already and of course she's being herself and trashing him and he's belittling her. She said they both have learning disabilities and they lose focus and things like that. She said she really is learning to cook though. Howard said he will learn something from the show then. Amy said he will. She said they make cocktails and stuff too. She said she was a bartender for a while so she knows how to make drinks. She said their nanny is the camera person and it's kind of working. She said they'd shoot it when Gene was sleeping so if he wakes up then he's on the show.
Howard said it has to be a lot of pressure to do all of this. Amy said Jane has class from noon to 1 on weekdays.
Howard asked if she's going to have more kids. Amy said she hopes so. She said they were going to try to make the move but then COVID happened and they put that off. She said she has a friend who is pregnant right now and she's about to have a baby. Howard said he knows people who are freaking out about this because they're pregnant. He said he feels bad for people like that.
Howard asked if Amy froze her eggs. Amy said she did get some eggs yanked out. Howard asked how painful that is. Amy said it wasn't painful at all. She said the IVF shots were painful for her. She said she has Endometriosis and it was tough for her. She said she got like 31 eggs removed and she was told that 26 of those were fertilized. She said out of that they got 1 normal embryo. She said that two were mosaic which means they were abnormal cells. Howard said it's weird science. Amy said it's really hard and really tough to go through it so she admires people who go through it multiple times.
Howard said how about people who have that done and then they start having kids without getting it done. Amy said she had no trouble getting pregnant. She said she and Chris tried for 3 months and she got pregnant in the third month. Howard asked why do the egg thing then. Amy said there's a documentary coming out about them on HBO Max. She said that it's called Expecting Amy. She said that she had a lot of trouble with vomiting and pain when she was pregnant. She said if a guy has a dick bent to the right a little bit they have a cure but not for a woman being in pain and throwing up.
Howard asked what this thing was that she had. Amy said she had Hyperemesis and she was struggling with that. Howard said he heard she was throwing up for 5 straight hours. Amy said it's like having food poisoning for 9 and a half months. She said then you meet your baby and you realize you'd go through it for years. She said that you can't do anything when you have this. Howard said guys must sit there and wonder why she can't be like everyone else. Amy said it was really hard for them but they got through it. She said that she learned a lot through that and it was all a bummer. She said she was lucky to have a Doula during this and she had a C-section and the Doula made it feel like she was giving birth. She said the only thing that she liked about the C-section was that she still has a perfect pussy. Howard said he knew someone who had a C-section just so they didn't mess up their puss.
Howard asked what this special is that she's doing for HBO Max. Amy said that's the documentary. Howard said he wants to understand this. Howard said she had a stand up special that was very successful. He said she filmed behind the scenes while she was pregnant and sick. He asked if they get to see her preparing for the comedy special. Amy said that's what it is. She said she just happened to be pregnant. She said they documented everything. She said they also found out that her husband was on the spectrum with Asperger's. Howard said he's looking forward to seeing this special. He said he'd like to see how she puts that comedy show together.
Howard asked if she's fully naked during the special. Amy said that's probably true. She said your body is all over the place. Howard asked if she's got a problem showing it on camera. Amy asked who cares. Howard said he'd care. He said he won't even show Beth his penis.
Amy said that she and Chris do it like once a week still. Howard said that's good. Howard said her husband didn't know he was on the spectrum and then someone noticed something. He asked what happened there. Amy said a couple of things happened like her falling and he stood there not knowing what to do. She said she looked up some quizzes and told him she thinks he may be on the spectrum and that's cool with her. She said if he wants to find out more about his brain she'd do it with him. She said he was interested so they reached out and found an amazing psychologist who tested him. She said a couple of people tested him and they found out while recording the session. Howard asked if he was devastated to find out. Amy said not at all. She said he was relieved and empowered by it. She said the behavior is strange but it just means your brain is different and they have tools to let you navigate your life. She said it was very emotional. Amy said he was very happy to find out. She said there's nothing she'd change about him. She said with his brain and how he is socially is all good to her. She said people ask if they worry that their son will be autistic but she's not worried. She said a lot of her favorite people are like that. She said she's fine with it if Gene is.
Amy said that when they saw Howard last they were at a New Years party. Amy said it was Steve Martin's party. Howard said he's the greatest comedian ever. He said he was excited to see Amy there. He said John McEnroe was there too. Amy said there was a guy with John there and this guy tells a long story and her husband just walks away during the story. She said that she'd like to do that. Howard said he gets jealous of that. Amy said it's like a get out of jail free card. She said Chris does that to her sometimes too. He said he will say things to her that most people wouldn't.
Howard asked if she has ever told people that he's on the spectrum so don't feel bad. Amy said she never does.
Howard said he can't wait to see this special. He said it's funny how she did this special for Netflix and now this behind the scenes thing is on HBO Max. Howard asked if they were okay with them mentioning that it was for Netflix. Amy said that she thinks so. She said she hasn't gotten any notes. Amy said she did offer it to Netflix. She said that HBO Max made them an offer. She said they're pretty much breaking even on it so they're not making a lot from it.
Howard asked about writing a special like that and how long it takes to write. Amy said it is a harrowing and slow process. Howard said after you sell a special you have to come up with a whole new act. He said when you're on stage you find out what people react to and find the essence of the joke. He said that has to be the difficult part. Amy said you do waste a lot of time with people finding that. She said she'll pop into a club and try it out. She said she'll ask the audience what they think and she'll take it from there.
Amy went through a joke that she worked on while she was pregnant with Gene. She said it was about how she wanted to wait to get pregnant until she found the right nanny. She said she asked how the audience felt about that and they said they can't relate because they don't have a nanny.
Howard asked if she can still bomb on stage. Amy said she still bombs. She said she went up before Colin Quinn a few months back and there were maybe 40 people there. She said she felt like she was giving a lecture. She said Colin was bathing in joy seeing her bomb. Howard asked why comedians like that so much. Amy said you just like seeing them in pain. She said she laughs at herself when she's bombing. Howard asked why it is that she bombs. Amy said she's working out new material so that's why it can bomb. She said the shows are early too. She said it's not a hot crowd.
Howard asked where she goes all the time. Amy said that it's The Comedy Cellar. She said that's a club that's in a basement. She said you've seen it on a lot of shows. She said they have low ceilings and the acoustics are good. She said the layout is good. She said isn't really basic but it works. She said the comedians hang out at a table upstairs. She said the club just works.
Howard said he gets angry when his setup isn't right on his radio show. He said he was about to ask why it's that bad if it's not the right set up and he thought about that. Amy said even the right intro matters. She said that you should say the name last. Howard asked if she's on stage getting angry when they don't do that right. Amy said she used to but now she just laughs at it.
Howard asked Amy about shooting her special and how she had to find the right place to do that. Amy said you have to do it at the right place or it can go wrong.
Howard said Jerry Seinfeld did his show a couple of years ago and he told him that he thinks that he can never do his show again because that last appearance was perfect.
Howard asked how long she thinks this thing is going to last and when she'll be able to go do shows. He said he's thinking 2 years. Amy said she's feeling that too.
Howard said Amy is very happening. He said she has this show ''Expecting Amy'' which is her documentary. He said she's pregnant and vomiting during that one. Howard asked if he played her a tape of someone vomiting or giving a blow job, could she tell the difference. Amy said no. Howard said he'll leave it at that then. Howard said he'll play it later with Robin.
Howard said Expecting Amy is airing on HBO Max. Howard said he's very interested in that. He said he hears she's nude in it twice. He said he's anxious to see her nude in that. He said he wants to see if she was fully shaved. Amy said at that point she probably wasn't. Howard said her husband is a chef and they're doing a show for the Food Network. He asked when that's starting. Amy said that's May 11th on the Food Network. Howard thanked Amy for coming on and let her go a short time later.
Howard said what a sweetheart she is. Robin said she's so prolific. Howard said she's fucking awesome. Robin said she went to the Comedy Cellar once and she had just missed Amy on stage. She said she was told she had just missed her.
Howard said he can take a break and get to a few things. He said he can play a game with Robin. He said they can play the game where they guess if someone is vomiting or giving a blow job. He said tomorrow they'll talk to David Letterman. He said he thinks he has a whole staff living with him in his house. He said he'll also be able to answer when America can laugh again. He said he's very excited about that interview. Robin said they can find out if Dave is doing his own laundry. Howard said that's what's pissing him off about this whole quarantine. He said he has to do all of that. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Chris Cornell's daughter can really sing. He said he's seen her online. Howard sang along to Black Hole Sun. He said he sings like a pirate when he sings that.
Howard said he has to get to some fan feedback. He said yesterday he criticized President Trump about the bleach thing. He said people wrote in about that. Howard had some people who agreed with him about what he said and some who said get the fuck off politics.
Howard said even in the press they picked up on the fact that he said maybe his followers should drink bleach. Robin said she was shocked that made news. Howard said if you follow him blindly and defend him like that then go ahead and drink bleach.
Howard said everyone was talking about Sal's use of the word ''mitigation'' on the show yesterday. Howard had some feedback about that. He said Beth was talking about how funny that segment was. He read some feedback from the fans about how funny it was.
Howard said one fan said that Sal can't be that stupid and he has to be putting that on. Howard said he doesn't think he is putting it on.
Howard said some people wrote in about the talk he had about Hebrew school and how he was named Tsvi. He read through some of that feedback. He said one woman wrote in about how her Hebrew name was Tsvia which means Deer or Doe so she likes it.
Howard took a call from the guys who were playing clips of Beetlejuice speaking Hebrew. That didn't last long before Howard hung up.
Howard said last week he received a lot of email about his talk about Mars Attacks and how he and Fred had written a bit back in the 80s where they had Slim Whitman music kill off the aliens. Howard said he thought about how they used that bit in the movie. He said he has some clips there to remind people what that was all about. Howard said they wrote this bit back in 1982 and this Slim Whitman sold his music on TV commercials. Howard played some of his music in one of those commercials.
Howard said he remembers watching the commercials and wondering who the hell the guy was. He said they said he was bigger than Elvis and the Beatles. Howard said he told this story 2 weeks ago. He said he and Fred wrote a bit about Slim Whitman vs. The Midget Alien from Mars. He said they had to do this bit because NBC didn't let him just talk. He said he and Fred wrote it and it took a lot of work. Fred said it took as long to produce it as the movie.
Howard played a clip from the bit where they hear about the midget aliens attacking the planet. Then they find out that a piercing yodel will kill the aliens. They call Slim Whitman to come fight the aliens. Howard said he wasn't proud of that bit but that's what they came up with to satisfy Pig Virus who was their boss.
Howard said 14 years later the movie ''Mars Attacks'' comes out and they have aliens who are killed by Slim Whitman's music. Howard said the boy who discovers this is named Richie Norris. He said that sounds like it might be a tribute to Fred Norris. Howard said this Slim Whitman music kills the aliens and this is just too much of a coincidence. Howard played a clip from the movie where the aliens were being killed by the music of Slim Whitman.
Howard said that was just weird. He said he was sitting home thinking about it and told Fred how strange it was. He said that he didn't know the guy's name was Richie Norris. Fred said that blew his mind. Howard said Tim Burton didn't write the movie. Fred said it was some guy who wrote this as his first movie. He said that's a big stretch to say that he came up with it himself. Howard said he'd like to read that guy's life story. He asked what the chances are that he wasn't inspired by their bit. He said that's the story that people were asking about.
Howard said the morons in this society look at it like it's real and there's alien life. Howard said he hasn't seen the footage but he asked if it was blurry and weird and lame. The caller said it was shitty looking. He said he is a firm believer but he also can't believe at the same time.
Howard said there is no life on any other planet. He said the reason there is no life is because this planet is a one in a gazillion chance. He said there are miracles out there. He said we have grass, air we can breathe. He said if there was life on other planets they would come here and show themselves. He said they'd land. He said it proves nothing.
Robin said no one is going crazy over this footage like he said. Howard said the dummies love that stuff. He said they think they have aliens and a whole alien air force. Howard said think about our technology in 2020. He said we have great video but we can't get good footage of the aliens. He said we can only get a fuzzy picture.
Howard said there's enough here on this planet that is amazing. He said there are no aliens. He said be grateful that we're here. He said they have satellites in space that take perfect pictures of our houses but there's nothing clear of aliens. He said never call him with such nonsense.
Howard said there are so many dummies. He said someone asked if he's worried he'll become fat being in quarantine. Howard said of course he is. He said he took a walk and lifted weights yesterday. Robin asked if he complained yesterday. Howard said he took a walk on a treadmill. He said he minded his manners. He said it was too cold out to walk. Robin said today is supposed to be a beautiful day so he should get out.
Howard said he moved into a nice apartment and he's surrounded by rats. He said he taped it. He said it's a nightmare. He asked how he sleeps through it. Memet said you can't. He said it's bad enough and then they ave this awful landlord who doesn't respond to their calls anymore. He said the building is overrun. Howard said they also have a sewage issue. Memet said he's not sure what happens but every night they get this smell of sewage in the building for a few hours.
Howard said he and Dr. Lou had an apartment they rented together and that was so overrun with cockroaches that they had to get out. He said they threatened to call the board of health and the guy let them out of their lease.
Memet said these rats don't even run from you. He said they're very bold. Howard had some tape of his old apartment to play. He said he has no luck with apartments at all. Memet said that he's not sure what to do about it when the landlord won't pick up his phone. He said if they kill the rats will there be the smell of dead rats all over? Howard said some will die and the rest should just go away.
Howard said this is Memet's old apartment in Harlem. He said it's his neighbors screaming and yelling at each other. Howard played that clip and it sounded like a nightmare. He said his window wasn't even open there. He said it sounded like they were in there. Memet said that's pretty much everywhere in Manhattan. Memet said he saw someone get mugged out in the open yesterday. He said there are no cops around.
Howard said now he has an apartment where the rats make noise in the walls at night. He played a clip of rats scratching in the walls. Howard said they're going to get us. Howard asked how you sleep. Memet said it wakes you up and it sucks. He said you have to get sleep but you can't with that going on. Howard said if you don't pay your rent you'll hear from your landlord. Memet asked if he can get in trouble over it. Robin said put the money in escrow and show that you can pay but you're holding it back for a reason. Howard had the guys play that sound again. He asked what those things are building in there. Memet said nothing good. He said the whole building is upset. He said there are signs asking where the landlord is. Howard said all of them should just stop paying rent.
Memet said he opens the window at street level and the rats are sitting on the AC unit. Howard said they say there are 2 million rats in New York City. Memet said he's sure they can carry Coronavirus. Howard said they do carry disease.
Howard said this is another noise he hears when he's trying to sleep. He played a clip and it was squealing and scratching in the wall. Howard said he needs the pied piper to get rid of them.
Memet said he just moved in with Mary and they're dealing with that and all of this other shit. He said they just moved in back in January. Howard said things are really stressful already and then they have this. Memet said there's at least once a day when they want to kill each other over there.
Howard said in Manhattan it's tough to find an apartment so the landlord knows he can get away with this shit. Memet said the apartment is 2 floors so that's almost unheard of. Howard asked what he's paying per month. Memet said it's closer to 3 grand than 2. He said it's a one bedroom apartment. He said it's in a nice neighborhood but it's a horrible building.
Howard said he must have found it and just grabbed it. Memet said they are at street level and a guy was out counting the rats and he got up to 62 before they stopped listening. Howard said he has to look into the law and organize that building. Robin said they can get it fixed. She asked what's up with the sewage problem. Memet said from 6 to 10 pm it just smells like doody.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how the building is heated. He said it could be the steam. Howard said that isn't steam, that's rats. Memet said the pipes don't fight and squeak. Howard had another clip of the rats squealing and fighting in the walls.
Howard asked what they're fighting over. Robin said it's space, just like everyone else in Manhattan. Howard asked if they can get through the walls. Memet said he hopes not. Howard said they're digging through and they're going to come in. Memet said it's going to be like an avalanche when they do come through the walls. Howard said they have to get him out of there.
Howard said Beth would have to take care of that if they had that problem. Howard said Memet didn't put pants on for their Zoom meeting. He said he was wearing a shirt but no pants. He said he was naked from the waist down. Memet said that was in the first week of quarantine. He said they were all trying to figure things out. He said it was a last minute meeting so he hopped out of bed and he wasn't wearing pants. Howard said he never walks around without pants on. He said he'd never take that risk. Memet said he never wanted anyone to see his penis. He said it's been a nightmare.
Howard asked if his chair smells like asshole. Memet said that he's wearing pants now. He said he hates seeing himself so he takes himself off the screen and that makes you forget that you're on camera.
Howard said it's kind of gross walking around like that. Memet said he's had meetings about it. He said Derek was one of the guys who saw his penis. Howard asked Derek what he saw. Derek said he caught it in his side view so he didn't get a good look at it. He said he saw the essence of his penis.
Memet said that he barely has clothes around too because the Laundromats are closed. Howard said he'd figure something out. Memet said he blames Mary. He said she was supposed to wash them in the sink. He said he's in swim trunks now. He said everything is closed now so he doesn't have much choice.
Memet also asked people to stop with the banging of the pots and pans every night at 7. He said it's loud and annoying. Howard said he's right. He said if you want to sleep early that's got to be annoying.
Howard took a call from a woman who told Memet to stop paying rent and hold it in escrow. She said that they can get laundry delivered too. She said just open a window and get fresh air that way. Howard said he can't even open the windows because of the rats. The caller told Memet to get in touch with the housing department there to get the landlord to do something. She was also talking about how pissed off she is about the waste of money they're doing with this fly over today. She said she refuses to go outside now. Howard said he likes her. She said that she's really scared of this. She said that there are no cops out either so that's another reason she won't go out.
The caller asked if he has roof access. Memet said no. The caller said just do it. She said just go up there and fuck it if there's an alarm. She said that you can get your laundry picked up and delivered too.
The caller kept telling Memet to organize a rent strike in the building until they fix the problems. Howard said he wants Memet to organize and do it. Memet said he's a big pussy and he'll probably just pay his rent. The caller said he needs to get fresh air. She said just go out on the roof. Howard said just go up there. He said he loves this woman, Dorothy, on the phone. She was still giving Memet advice about what he should be doing.
Memet revealed that they don't even have smoke detectors in their apartment. Dorothy told him he should have those and CO2 sensors too. She said it's against the law not to have them. Howard asked if Dorothy has a man. She said she doesn't and she can't give it away. Howard said no one is good enough for her. He said he loves her. He said imagine a man like Memet who doesn't fight. Memet said Howard wouldn't do anything about the rats either.
Howard asked who Dorothy looks like. She said she's very pretty and she doesn't know. Howard said he has a woman named Rose on the phone and she's her biggest fan. Howard put her on with Dorothy. Chris Wilding was doing an impression of Dorothy and going off on Memet telling him what to do in his building. Howard kept her on for a short time before hanging up on her.
Howard said Memet has to do something. Dorothy said you can't just sit back and take it. Robin said he's paying for a habitable apartment. Howard said his hair looks fantastic. Robin said his facial hair is working too. Howard said they'll get an update next week. Dorothy told him to get to work. She said nothing will happen if he doesn't make it happen.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that you're not allowed to get on the rooftops of the building. She said it's going to take months to get through to 311 to get the housing department on. Dorothy said you can go online. Howard said Dorothy is right about getting this stuff done. He said Memet is going on record if he calls. He said that way he can stop paying his rent. He said he can put his money in escrow and they can get some attention that way. Howard said Memet has to start the wheels turning.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked if you can imagine being married to that. He said you'd be walking around with a soft dick. Dorothy said she loves King. Howard asked if she has been with a black guy. She said she has been with 2 and what they say is true. Howard said he has to let King go. King said Memet has to tell the landlord that he's white. He said that's all he has to tell him. Dorothy said that the landlord is gone. Howard hung up on King. He spent a little more time talking to Dorothy. He said he likes her.
Howard had Rose, Dorothy's biggest fan, back on the phone. She was repeating some of the stuff Dorothy was saying. Howard kept her on for a short time and Rose had Howard and Robin laughing at the impression.
Howard thanked Dorothy for calling in. She told Howard he's a saint for doing this show. She said she was really upset when he went off the air that first day. Howard thanked Rose for calling in too.
Howard said he wants to thank their sponsor Gardein. He said he loves that company. He gave them a plug and wrapped up the show. They were done around 10:25am.
Howard started the show talking about how he was boiling water again this morning. He said he left water in it from yesterday so there's too much in there. Robin said she heard him yelling in the meeting about someone making noise. She didn't know he was talking about Beth. Howard said she was doing something upstairs and it was making a lot of noise. He said she got upset that she was doing that. He said he just wanted to know what she was doing. He said you have to be careful during this quarantine with what you say to the other people in your house. He said he and Beth can separate but if you live in a small apartment it has to be tough. He talked about Memet and Mary living in that apartment with the rats. Robin said she was wondering what he's going to do about that. Howard said it's like living in a prison cell.
Howard said he misses his apartment so much. He said he'd like to go back there. He said things are just so weird.
Howard said he is still into Transcendental Meditation and he read all of the books by the Maharishi. He said he was a remarkable human being. He said one of the things he leaned from him is that hot water is something you should drink as much as you can. He said he thought about that and started doing that. He said you don't have to drink it every ten seconds. He said he drinks it as much as he can. Fred played George Takei saying ''Aqua.''
Howard said he has to get his water. He had to walk away from his microphone. He said the hot water is supposed to be off the air but he has so many responsibilities now. He said he had people assigned to getting it for him at the studio. He said he's like a spoiled child. He said this isn't his idea if fame. He said when he started in radio he did everything himself. He said he'd work the tape recorder with his foot. He said he was in Detroit doing all of the stuff himself. He said he got famous and successful and he didn't have to do it all. He said he had people to get him hot water. He said it was a slow process but he worked his way there.
Howard said now here he is back to doing it all himself again. He said people were bringing him his food and water. He said it was like he was king and they were propping him up to keep him going. He said he used to get double hot waters. He said he was so spoiled by it. Robin said if his breakfast didn't show up on time he'd get so upset.
Howard said he got so famous that Ronnie would run in with his lunch bag and get it to him within 30 seconds. He said he had it all. He said he was the man. He said at the end of the show Ronnie would come running in with his bag of food. He said the little King had to eat. Robin said he was like the Kim Jong Un of radio.
Howard said he had it all. He said his old age was looking ripe and rosy. He said now he's in his basement making his own hot water and printing his own shit. He said he has to make sure everything is ready.
Howard said it took his staff a whole year to get his hot water right. He asked Jason how that went. Jason said the temperature was a problem first. He said they had to work on that. He said it would cool down too fast so they had to figure that out. Howard said they had to get it hot enough to stay hot but not too hot that he can't sip it.
Jason said they had to come up with a cleaning method to clean the cup too. Howard said they were using sink water and he became very disturbed. He said he insisted on bottled water.
Jason said they had another water in between. He said they had filtered water and Howard said it tasted weird so they got a test done on the water to see what was in it. Howard said Robin has no idea what they went through. Robin said they tested the water! Howard said they did.
Jason said they got different cups that were insulated and they got it all worked out. Howard said he had it made until COVID-19 hit. He said the level of spoiling he was accustomed to was something you don't take away from someone. Robin asked how he would survive if the world really fell apart. Howard said he'd be cold and shivering.
Howard said he's going to take a sip of his hot water now. He tried that and it was good. He said it's going to cool down though. He said he used to get refreshed hot water. He said Beth said she'll get him anything he needs during the show but he's not going to bother her.
Howard said his point is that after a career of building up to someone to get him hot water he's back to this. He said Snoop Dogg has a guy to roll his weed for him. He said this is like that for him. He said he's doing a lot for himself now and he's suffering.
Robin asked if it's hard to take care of him. Howard said she has no idea. He said he's back to the start. He said he had to do everything when he started out in radio. He said one of the guys told him he had to change the paper in the printing machine. He said everyone is getting back at him now.
Howard said he was so spoiled that he had a person who was in charge of quieting down everyone while he was meditating after the show. He said Robin was a big offender. He said she'd be back there making noise in the office and he'd have his Shusher go tell her to be quiet. He said Richard and Sal used to get yelled at for closing their door too loud. Jason said she was not afraid of telling people to shush. He said she'd tell Ronnie to be quiet too.
Howard said Ronnie would be back there doing his own show. He said they had The Shusher doing her job. He said it was like a monastery back there. Robin said they weren't allowed to speak after the show. Howard said they had to turn the printer off that was near his office. Jason said they had to unplug it every day. Howard said he would say he heard it and told them to unplug it. Robin said she's sure they created a fire hazard back there by closing off the other door back there. Howard said that's right.
Howard said he misses his Shusher the most. He said he spent so many years struggling on the road. He said now they should rejoice that he had a Shusher and a water maker. Howard said now he's back to his basement doing his own thing.
Gary said The Shusher really was amazing. He said they had a velvet rope to keep people out. He said when they built the other floor there at Sirius they were able to move people upstairs and away from that area.
Howard said he'd be dozing off after the show and The Shusher would rope off the area. He said the door would slam and they eliminated all of that. He said when they were at K-Rock they didn't let him have a Shusher. He said he'd be in an office area trying to rest and there were people slamming doors and making noise trying to sell advertising. He said he'd ask them to be quiet for 20 minutes but they all ignored him.
Jason said the door by Howard's office is the loudest one in the building. He said all of the other doors are glass and close quietly. Howard said it really was.
Robin said she would go to perform her songs and they'd complain that it was too loud because they could hear her through the door. Gary said The Shusher is so good at her job that she just has to look at you to get you to quiet down.
Howard said no one else has a Shusher. He said you don't see Colbert with a Shusher. He said he was reading about Kim Jong Un and his private train and he didn't even have a Shusher. Robin said he'd just kill you if you made a sound.
Howard said you get used to this stuff and start to think it's normal. He said COVID-19 really whacked him in the face. He said no more of that stuff.
Robin said there's a show about J. Paul Getty who had someone to read him books so he could get hard. She said that he would designate women to bend over the bed so when he got hard he could step over and stick it in her. Howard said he has to read that book.
Howard asked Will to talk about the mirror that The Shusher had. Will said that she had a mirror at her desk to see who was talking in the office. He said they'd be there working and trying to be creative and she was watching them to make sure they weren't talking. Howard said they had to keep him alive. He said if he gets sick they're all out of work. He said he needed a half hour to rest after the show. He said everything was out of control in Manhattan so he wasn't able to sleep in his apartment. He said he needs a half hour of sleep after the show so he went to his office to rest. He said it would be quiet for a day. He said by day 2 everyone was making noise. He said he sat down with upper management and came up with The Shusher. He said there was no nonsense after that.
JD said he was the first Shusher but no one listened to him. He said they'd laugh at him if he told them to be quiet. Howard said he was like Fredo. Howard said he created that job and no one else has that position. He said that JD was really bad at it. He said that it would be a little quiet but then people would make noise. JD said he would hear the printer going and he'd go to look and it wasn't doing anything. Howard said he wasn't able to accuse anyone of doing anything. He said you have to catch the person in the act. He said that's why she had mirrors.
Howard said he really misses his Shusher. He said he didn't know this thing was going to go this long. He said he has achieved a level in radio that few get to. He said he was talking to Bubba the Love Sponge about what he has to do and he's powering his radio by pedaling a bicycle. He said that Chris Booker just got fired from his station. He said they have it tough out there. Howard said he had a hot water person and a shusher. He said this could have crushed a lesser person's soul. Howard said he hopes the Shusher is doing okay.
Robin wondered how she puts that on her resume. Howard said she has a job for life with him. He said he called her the other day and she said she's staying home and shushing her family while they're away from the studio. Howard said he told her he wants her to shush people at his funeral.
Howard said he was telling Robin a story. He said the Maharishi talked about this hot water thing. He said he drinks the hot water and he doesn't need coffee like so many people do. He said the water heats his body up. He said he used to be cold all the time. He said grazing on food all day is calories so if you drink hot water it cuts back on that. He said whenever he feels like grazing he boils up the hot water and it diminishes the want for food.
Howard said he was on the Peloton yesterday and the instructor said you should drink half your body weight in ounces of water. He said he had to do some math to figure that out. He said he's like 190 pounds so he had to figure out how much water that would be. Robin said how about just round it up to 200. Howard said she's right. He said he thinks he'd have to drink 90 ounces of water a day. He said that messed him up because that's 180. Robin said it would be 95. Howard said he can't drink that much water. He said he was trying to figure out how much was in a bottle. He said he'd have to drink like 3000 bottles a day.
Robin said Tom Brady was talking about drinking like 200 ounces a day. Howard said he'd be peeing all night if he did that.
Robin asked if he has that water heater with him all day. Howard said he has to do his own thing now that he's there at home. Robin said if this is ever over then will he continue to make his own hot water. Howard said he won't if he goes back to the station. He said he has too many other responsibilities.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if there are repercussions for defying the Shusher. Howard said there were. He said she wasn't an empty threat. He said there had to be consequences. He asked Gary to speak on this. Gary said everyone was so frightened of her that no one had to be dealt with. He said she put everyone in line. He said they fear her.
Howard asked if Gary is putting up his wife's art work to be seen on Zoom. Gary said the TV people asked him to put some stuff up there. He said they had to have it cleared so he just put his wife's art up there. Howard said it's aggravating him. He said it's fine but it aggravates him.
Howard said he likes Gary better with a blank wall. He said it looks like a painting of a penis up there. Gary said it's a microphone and a radio. Howard said it looks like a penis on Gary's head. Gary said he'll talk to the TV people today. Howard said he just wants a curtain like Robin has.
Gary said the Shusher has an authority and a fear that JD did not have so people are afraid of her. Howard said you can laugh at her job but you have to have someone like that.
Howard said he does like Gary's wife but that artwork is really distracting. He said it looks like he has a penis up above his head. He goofed on Gary about finding that stuff and having to put it up. Gary said you have to make sure that the stuff is cleared before they can put it up on video. Howard asked why he can't buy a picture and put it up if he owns it. He said the TV people put too much thought into things. He said they used to say that you can't wear white on camera. He said that was from many years ago that they weren't able to do that. He said you can wear a white shirt. He said he's calling bullshit on this picture thing.
Gary said that there were also some reflective things in the room so they had to cut that out. Fred did his Gary Puppet thing and goofed on Gary about that.
Howard said Ronnie had NASCAR stuff on his camera and they didn't have to get him to take it down. Gary said he thinks the pictures were reflective and that's what they were cutting back on.
Howard said Gary Puppet looks more professional than Gary. He was dressed better than Gary. Gary Puppet talked about the things he'd rather have hanging in his room. Howard asked if Gary would mind if he replaced him with the puppet. Gary said have a party.
Howard asked what Gary was talking about earlier. Gary said they were talking about the Shusher and her power. He said he's been shushed by her. Howard said it's only for 20 minutes that they have to be quiet. He said she knows when he's done with his nap. Gary said she's so good at what she does that she won't shush but she'll turn around and glare at them and they quiet down and apologize.
Howard said when he gets off the air he just needs 20 minutes of quiet so that's why they have the Shusher. Howard let the caller, TJ, go after that.
Howard said the big announcement is this. He said he has a lot to get to today. He said even after Dave he has more to get to. He said he should be ready around 8.
Howard said SiriusXM has asked him to make this announcement. He said the free streaming is available through the month of May. He said they were offering it up for free during this lock down. He said what it has done is reconnected them with so many listeners. He said you can download the app and get it for free for the whole month of May.
Howard said starting May 1st they're launching more channels there too. He said this is the greatest. He said they're going to have a Prince channel. He said they have a bunch of channels for Guns N' Roses, Fleetwood Mac, David Bowie, the Eagles and a bunch of other bands. He said the artists get off on having their own channel there. He said the Prince channel is something else. He said Scott Greenstein tried to get a Prince channel there when Prince was still around. He said they got a meeting with him and Prince was very enchanted with the idea. He said he didn't do anything half assed. He said Prince wanted to think about what to do. He said he went off and created a 3 hour version of his own radio show. He said he had it recorded. He said there's a lot of material that they'll be playing. He said they even have the 3 hour radio show he did. Howard said he really wanted to hear this 3 hours. He said he heard it and it's the trippiest fucking thing. He said he got a copy of it. He said he put it on and he felt like he was in Prince's head. He said he felt high just listening to it. He said they went from song to song with this DJ Rashida and all of this stuff. He said he hadn't felt like getting high until he listened to this thing last night.
Howard said he loved the show. He said if you're a Prince fan then you'll love it. Howard said there's a part where this caller calls into the show and he thinks it's Prince calling in as Ezekiel the caller. He said he's going to play some of this show so everyone can hear it. He played the clip of DJ Rashida doing her thing. The show was over produced with sound effects and echoes and all of this stuff.
Howard said he felt like he was in high school and getting high when he heard this. He said this is just so good. Howard said he was dancing to it. He said thank God Beth didn't walk in on him. He said after a half hour he drew the Prince symbol on his wall out of feces. He said he painted during this and it was really good.
Gary said they just added the Rolling Stones channel. He said they're doing a Metallica channel and they're going to be doing shows from different cities virtually.
Howard said he's very excited about this. He said they have a Led Zeppelin channel too. He talked about the different things they'll have on each channel. Howard said he may have to DJ the Led Zeppelin channel. He said he'll sing along with all of the songs. He did some of that as Fred played some Zeppelin. Howard said the Guns N' Roses channel will have that concert they did from the Apollo. He said you have all of that to look forward to. Gary said it's all on the app.
Gary said he thinks their guest is about ready. Howard said he's going to take a break and go pee. He said he'll get to Dave Letterman after that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that no one has heard from David Letterman during this whole thing. He asked where he's at. Dave said hi to them and Howard said he's going to guess that he's in Montana at his big estate. Dave laughed. He said that's probably right. He said he's not in Montana. He said he's in his old Y2K bunker. He said he's had it re outfitted and he's ready to go.
Howard said he was talking about all of the things he's lost out on since this started. He said he had someone to heat up his hot water. Dave said those are the unsung heroes. Howard said he had a Shusher and a hot water person. He said now he's suffering horribly.
Dave said he had that happen to him when he left the TV show. He said he's there with his family now and on balance it's pretty good. He said he's been doing a lot of vacuuming. He said he hadn't done that since he was 11. He said he wants to say it's fun but it's not.
Howard said he was doing some of that too but his wife said he was doing a horrible job so she took over. He said he got a Roomba though. He asked if Dave has seen that. Dave said he'd hurt himself with that. He said the one thing that's designed to suck just gives up on you and you have to bend over and pick it up to send it down the sucking tube.
Howard said this can't be good for Dave. He said he must hate this. Dave said this is how you're supposed to live. He said he feels like he has gotten back to normal human existence. He said he's been waiting for this for a long time. He said he didn't think the other thing would last. Howard said he finds himself tantruming. He said he doesn't want to be a normal human being.
Dave said this must make a great job even greater. He said he doesn't have to leave his house now. Howard said he feels so blessed. He said a lot of people can't go to work and don't have an income. He said he can do his broadcast from his house and still see Dave. He said as a kid he would do shows in his bedroom and record them. He said he can do that now from his house. He said he even has a woman in the house to give him sex.
Dave said he feels fortunate too. He said he feels for other people out there who are suffering. He said you need someone to take care of this so he can't feel too lucky about this. Howard said he doesn't feel lucky either. He said he is fortunate that he can do his job though. He said this whole thing is scary.
Howard said he imagines Dave would be doing his show from his house if this happened when he was on the air. Dave said he's not sure what would have happened. He said he knows people who have been ill or died. He said it's part of being human. He said he thinks this will pass. He said we need leadership that we don't have right now. He said the sadness isn't forgotten. He said he has lost people and had people who have been hospitalized. He said they're fortunate that no one in his family has had to do that.
Howard said he feels that things are desperate right now. He said people don't like him talking about Trump. Dave asked if he looks red because they had lightning people in there trying to work that out. He said his head is red and his whole head is red. He said his son shaved his head so he was wearing a cap to cover it up.
Howard said on Zoom he looks red too. He said his kids ask why he's so red but he's not red. Dave said no one else looks red other than him. Dave said Howard looks like a guy who doesn't get out much.
Dave said that this Pence guy went to visit people at the Mayo clinic and they were really sick. He said Pence goes there as his gig as a mannequin walking around without a mask. He said the people there were all wearing masks. He said this really ticks him off. He said this whole thing is that Pence won't wear one either because they can't figure out how to attach one to his hair. He said he's walking around taunting people in the Mayo Clinic without a mask. Howard said he saw that and he wondered if they don't have to wear masks. He said we're so behind the whole world with this. He said Australia and New Zealand have it all under control.
Dave pointed out that Howard has said ''fuck'' twice already and it's only 8:15. He thanked Howard for having him on today even though he has nothing to add to the show.
Howard said he's embarrassed that he said fuck so many times. Dave said he wasn't sure that they were allowed to do so. Howard said they are on satellite. Dave said he's not supposed to say it at home because they have a 16 year old boy in the house and they have to pretend that he hasn't heard that language.
Howard said he worries for Dave because he had a heart attack. Dave laughed and said he didn't have a heart attack. He said he had bypass surgery to avoid a heart attack. Howard said he worries about him. Dave said they say that you have to worry about blood clots now. He said it's just another thing you have to worry about. He said this is right there with everything else you have to worry about. He said we'll get through it or we won't. He said that it's unpleasant.
Howard said they came up with more things that this COVID-19 can do to you. He said it can affect your liver and heart too. He said he that he's sure Dave is taking it seriously. He said when you have a teenager who is on the cusp of graduation and all of this stuff it has to be tough. Dave said it's actually been great to spend time with his son Harry. He said he hasn't been able to spend so much with him. He said they're doing the online classes and he doesn't think that's going to work. He said his son is 6'1'' now and he sees him walking around and thinks the house is being robbed.
Howard said it has to be tough for Harry. Dave said the college and stuff like that are in the balance for other kids ahead of him. He said they say that this could be a lost year for classes so you don't know what's going to happen. He said it's hard to unknot this whole thing.
Howard said Dave did a show after Hurricane Sandy. He said he did it without an audience. Dave said they hardly had an audience to begin with even on a regular night.
Howard said these guys are all doing shows now from home. He said it has to be tough. Dave said he thinks that he could become accustomed to doing that. He said this is the way to go though. He said you can get anyone to do what you want on the show. He said Howard could wear pajamas.
Howard said the guys who survived being prisoners of war were the guys who stuck to a routine. Howard said that's what he's doing. He said he gets dressed and does the show. Dave said he's fully dressed in clothing and he's with Howard on that routine thing.
Howard said he was excited that Dave was coming on today. He said he heard that Dave had no guidance growing up and he was the same way. He said he had zero from his parents. He said going to school he had to figure out on his own. He said he was clueless. He said he had no idea what it meant to go to college. Dave said he never got advice from his parents. He said it's weird. He said knowing what we know now it's very strange. He said they also let human beings drive cars and that's weird. He said he thinks he's advising his son more than his father did. He said he's not sure. He said he loves having his son around. He said he's very entertaining and he loves being around him. He said he's very lucky to have his family with him. He said at this age you don't expect to have that much time with your son but he is getting that time.
Dave said he loved that Tom Brady interview. He said he doesn't think he's gotten to that level with this interview. Howard said he thinks people want to hear from him. He said it helps to hear from people like him. Dave said that they've been forced into this whole thing because of this virus.
Howard said Dave's father was an alcoholic. He said he would take him to AA meetings. Dave said that's right. He said it was fascinating. He said he and his sisters were going on a trip and they were driving to Montreal. He said apparently his father was shit faced and he had no knowledge of that. He said the poor guy was possessed by that demon. He said he got into AA and he was all in on that. He said he saw him in action and it was great to see it. He said he had an audience there and he loved it. He said his father could play a pipe organ and go nuts on it. He said his grandmother wrote a letter to a radio station in Louisville and tried to get him a job there. He said his life would have been different if he had gotten a job like that. He said everything his dad did was to get attention. He said he liked to get up and do jokes. He said he was a showman. He said there was an ad for the American Writer's School and he would send his sample in and they said that he could write. He said even that made him sad though. He said his dad had to do things to make a living to support the family and he didn't get to do what he wanted to do.
Howard asked if Dave felt like he was holding his father back at all. Dave said no. He said kids are pretty selfish. He said he didn't think about it until his father started having heart attacks. He said he had a TV show in Indianapolis and he had him on the show and figured that was good for both of them. He said he gave him that opportunity and experience. He said it was just a local show but he was there talking to his father. He said it was important to him. He said he hasn't thought about that in a long time. He said now that he has a son he was thinking about it.
Howard wondered if his dad was jealous of him. Dave said that he's seen his show so he knows he wasn't jealous.
Howard said Dave started drinking at the age of 12 because his father drank. Dave said his father liked Cutty Sark Scotch so he tried it. He said it was tremendous. He said they kept it under the sink and he'd take a couple of shots of it. He said it really helped him. Howard asked if he was self medicating. Dave said of course.
Howard asked if he was a heavy drinker when he got his TV show. Dave said he was. He said in college it was no big deal because everyone drank. He said he was drinking at home and he'd get really drunk.
Dave hit something on his computer and cut off the video feed for a second. He interrupted his story.
Howard got Dave back on track and asked about his parents. Dave told Howard that his mother had asked to get a divorce from her husband. He said back in those days they sent a couple of guys to the house. He said they had a meeting with his dad and he went right into AA and he went all in. He said he went to the meeting and saw what that was like. He said they all smoked a lot. He said that his dad was running the show and it was great for him and it lasted the rest of his life.
Howard asked how hard it was for Dave to kick alcohol. Dave said he stopped because he had a TV show on NBC that lasted not quite as long as this chat. He said he went to California and he drank his way through that. He said he got another job on TV so he felt like he had to stop drinking because of that. He said he remembers being at the beach at the age of 34 and he stopped drinking. He said that was the last time he had a drink. Dave said his liver was swollen from the drinking. He said he was told to cut back but he can't just cut back. He said he had to quit.
Howard asked what replaces that drinking for him. He said it can't be easy to just stop drinking. He said the anger has to be there. Dave said it went unmanaged and there were detours that he won't go into. He said there was also medication. He said that's what it was. He said it was quite useful to him. He said he thinks about the times that he was out of his mind drunk and still managed to get home somehow. He said there were times he didn't know where his car was.
Howard said he wants to thank him for coming on the show and talking about this. He said he didn't know he was going through all of that. He said he thought that he was just doing the show with no problems.
Dave asked when Howard last had a drink. Howard said it was probably 6 months ago. Dave was clearing his throat like he wanted to get out of there. Howard said he won't keep him all morning. Dave said he wants to stay all morning. Howard said he knows that's not true.
Howard said it's not time to laugh again yet. Dave said they have been laughing. He said when you go home you can't escape this. Howard said Dave hosted over 6,000 late night shows in his years on TV. Dave asked how many of those he watched. Howard said at least 7. He said he spent a good portion of his week watching Dave doing interviews. He said there's a series that he did with Jerry Lewis that are so good. He said there are times he looks at him with disdain and some with reverence. He said go watch that stuff and you'll be mesmerized. Dave said Howard is so kind to him. He said he's so generous. He said Howard is the guy. He said he doesn't need to talk about how good he is. He said Paul McCartney never calls his house. Howard said Paul called him at home and he thought it was Paul Telegdy calling.
Howard asked if Dave remembers those Jerry Lewis interviews. Dave said not at all. He said he feels like his liver is swelling. He called his dog over. He eventually came over. Howard asked if he's a yellow lab. Dave said he thinks it's a poodle. Howard said he has to train that dog. Dave kept calling the dog over.
Howard said Dave used to have Paul Shaffer jump on his lap but now it's the dog. Dave said Paul's wife was in the hospital with Coronavirus and she just got out last week. He said she was in for like 2 weeks.
Dave's dog finally got on his lap so he got distracted with that. Dave said he's coming back on tomorrow because this was so fun. Howard said he feels like he's bothering him when he asks him to be on. Dave said it's an honor to be on. Howard said he should address America and give them a message of hope. Dave said take a look at the world and there is hell going on all the time. He said we're not the only ones suffering hell now. He said we have been through it before. He said in 1957 there was a flu that killed almost a million people. He said the human spirit there's a built in resilience and this will pass and we will survive.
Dave asked who was on the show yesterday. Howard said Amy Schumer was on. Dave asked if it's wrong that he's groveling to stay on. Howard said he was told he has to go. He said he knows he can't burn him out. Dave said he so enjoys talking with Howard. He said they don't have to do it on multimedia. He asked if Howard is still the King of All Media. Howard said of course he is.
Howard said he thinks he has to come up with a safe word for Dave to keep him on. He said if he really wants to stay on he can give him that word. Dave said goodbye to Howard and Robin. He said this has been fun. He said remember the hell that was Vietnam. He said they got through that. He said the residual effect of this will stay with us for generation after generation.
Dave said that he realized that he doesn't need most of the stuff he has in his life. He said he has his family and that's what he needs. He said that as Americans we have too much stuff. He said that he's an executive member of Costco. He said he doesn't need that. He said lets not be so god damn greedy. He said we're all breathing the same air and all of that. He ran out of steam and said ''Ah, I don't know...'' Dave said that he has a lot of admiration for Howard. He asked how he turns this thing off. Howard said he wants it on so they can see his penis. Dave said there it is, 3 fucks and a penis. Howard let Dave go a short time later.
Howard said he loves that guy. Robin said his beard is very well trimmed and groomed. She said he has gotten it to work very well. Howard said he has. Robin said it looked conditioned.
Howard said it was good to check in with Dave. He said he could talk to him for 17 hours. He said he was told to keep it less than that. He said they spoke for almost an hour. Robin said he seemed to enjoy it. She said most of the time it seems like Dave is in pain after an interview. Howard said he's going to take a break and get to more stuff. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he just missed the music. He said he caught the last 3 seconds of it.
Howard asked Gary what's up. Gary said he just forgot to turn his camera off. He said he did speak to the TV people and they are going to come up with something that won't annoy Howard. Howard said he has to work on that background.
Howard said he has to thank Gardein for sponsoring the show today. He said they've been sponsoring the shows lately.
Howard said Bill Maher was talking about the Tiger King on Netflix. He said he can't stand those people and Bill was saying the same thing he's been saying. He said he was talking about how eating animals has gotten us into the predicaments that we've been in. He said that this Coronavirus is from that. He said what Gardein is doing is great. He said they have faux chicken, meat and fish and it's all so good. He said try moving to a plant based diet. Howard said well done by Bill Maher too. He said just try Gardein to see how good it is. He said we can finally stop eating animals. He said if you don't like it then go back to eating meat. Robin threw Jason's name in there. Howard said Jason eats all kinds of meat.
Howard said this Joe Exotic guy is something else. He said they're a bunch of dummies with the animals being trapped in their cages. He said that he can't watch that garbage. Howard said he loves that new Bachelor where they sing and shows like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was a great interview with Dave. Howard said they did get to see his dog. He said they'll put that up on the app. He said Dave loves dogs.
Howard said the tapes team went back and found some tape of their first discussion of Coronavirus. He said that this was from January 20, 2020. He played the clip and Robin brought up the Coronavirus and Howard said he thinks there in the United States it can get serious and they had better take it seriously or we're going to be quarantined. He said everyone should worry about it. He said they'll be having meetings over Zoom and things like that.
Howard said you have to be impressed by that. Robin said he did call it. Howard asked how he got so smart. Robin said just say he's a genius like the President does. Howard said they actually doctored that tape a lot. He said this is his actual reaction. He played the clip and Robin read the story about the Coronavirus being on the rise in China and all Howard said was ''Right.''
Howard said he has a new phony phone call to play. He said he has one where Arnold Schwarzenegger calls a psychic. In the call fake Arnold calls the psychic and has his animals saying hi to her. He said he has dreams of the future and how this pandemic will end. The hosts said he might be having visions. He said that Sarah Conner will have the cure and he has to protect her. He was giving them the plot of Terminator and they didn't get it. They hung up on him and then Sarah Conner called in and told them the cure is in donkey shit and Arnold should hold on to all that he has. Arnold called back and they told him to get a life.
Robin wondered why their psychic powers didn't tell them there were no callers to their show.
Howard said many people wrote in about Memet and the woman Dorothy who called in during that segment. Howard said people loved Dorothy's call. Robin said she was on fire. Howard said people were asking to bring her back and keep taking her calls. Howard said she'd be a great Shusher. Howard said people liked Rose too. He read some comments about her.
Howard said he has to talk about going up to your roof and how you have to be safe if you do go up there. He said that Mariann mentioned that yesterday.
Howard said a landlord wrote in about Dorothy and how she was all wrong about Memet's situation. Howard read that you can't stop paying rent just because of the conditions. He said you can protest but you can't stop paying rent.
Howard said a bunch of listeners got turned on to Post Malone after he mentioned him on the show. He read some of the feedback he got about that. Someone did some research about him and found out he got his name from an app that makes up rapper names.
Howard said someone asked who is getting fat on the staff during quarantine. Howard said Gary, JD and Jon Hein all look the same to him. He said he's not sure if anyone is getting fat. He said Benjy did look heavier. He said he had a leg operation and he's laying down so that might be why.
Howard said his wife is getting into these Zoom meetings with friends and he gets a headache from it. He said he has to get out of the room. JD said they did have a lot of meetings that day and he was playing a video game that day.
Jason said this was one of the most important meetings they have during the week. He said they saw him with is controller in his hand. He said he was clearly not paying attention. JD said there were a lot of people talking and whatnot. He said he doesn't barge in with his opinions or anything. Jason said he's playing Madden for an hour and a half while they're trying to create content for the show. JD said it was MLB the Show.
Jason said they should talk about his drinking. He said JD is drinking a lot. JD said there's not much else to do. Howard said he's not sure what happened to him. He said he's worried about him. He said he's going to start abusing it and self medicate himself. He said he's going nuts with the weed too.
Jason said he heard JD complaining that the weed isn't affecting him so he has to smoke more. JD said it doesn't affect him at all actually. He said that's what he was saying.
Jason said with the drinking it's like a 3 course meal of drinks. He said he starts at 5 with a cocktail. Howard asked what he's drinking. JD said he has an Old Fashioned or a Manhattan or something like that. He said he has that on Taco Tuesday. Jason said JD's wife took a cocktail class. JD said it was just one class. Howard read that they get take out cocktail from restaurants.
Jason said they have a desert drink and a drink with dinner too. Howard asked if he's really having 3 drinks a night. JD said yes. Howard said that must mean it's like 4 drinks. JD said it's not. Howard asked if he's gaining weight. JD said he's still just a little over 200. He said he's eating healthy-ish. He said he's still working out but not leaving his apartment. He said he's doing push ups, squats and sit ups in the apartment.
Jason said JD's hygiene might be getting bad. He left the house without brushing his teeth the other day. JD said it was just one day and he went for a walk and his mask smelled really bad when he got back.
Howard asked if JD is calling his wife ''dear'' all the time. JD said he does call her that and other things. Howard said it sounds condescending to him. JD said it's not meant to be.
Howard asked Ronnie what happened with the vibrator. Ronnie said she had a vibrator that was wearing out and she had to order a new one. He said it was battery operated and had those tiny batteries in it. He said the new one is rechargeable. He said it's awesome. He asked if they want to see it. He showed it to Robin and Howard. Robin said it looks like an egg.
Ronnie said he has a good sex tip. He demonstrated how you use this thing on a woman. He said it has 10 speeds. He said Stephanie doesn't insert it but you lay this ball up against your clit. He said she plays with the speeds. He said he lays there on his back and she'll lay down by his dick and puts one leg over his chest and one the other day so her pussy is almost in his face. He said he can see what she's doing and she has the head of his cock in her mouth. He said it's the greatest thing. Howard asked if anyone else is having as much fun as Ronnie. He said they're doing the 69 position basically. Ronnie said not really. He said that she's in a different position than that. He said she has the head of his dick in her mouth and she's laying down there. Robin asked Howard to draw her a picture so she gets it. Howard drew her a stick figure drawing.
Howard asked what the sex tip was. Ronnie said it was that position. He said that Jimmy and Molly should try it. He said that she has to turn her head just a little bit to get his penis in her mouth. Ronnie said then you have to try to time it out where you both go at the same time. He said it's awesome. He said it's the most awesome experience.
Howard asked how they time it so they cum together. Ronnie said he can feel when she's about to go. He said she gets all tensed up and starts to moan a little bit. He said that gets him turned on even more so it happens around the same time.
Howard had Fred doing his Ronnie Puppet talking about the things Ronnie just brought up. Ronnie said she's at work all day so she's gone for 13-14 hours a day. He said he gets all charged up and she comes home tired so they do cuddling things. He said they do it like 3 times a week now. Howard said he's in some shape for his age. Robin said he has even more time to do that now. Howard said this guy is 70 and fucking 3 times a week. Ronnie said you have to stick to a routine. He went through his routine and talked about his work out and cooking dinner and all of that.
Howard said Ronnie isn't social distancing from pussy. Ronnie said not from her. Howard said he heard he was on a Zoom meeting and Steve Nowicki's girlfriend came on in a low cut top and he and Gary were going nuts over her. Ronnie said they did ask her to sit down and join them. He said they do a Zoom party on Fridays and they do it with friends in Vegas too. Howard asked if Stephanie gets into low cut tops too. Ronnie said she doesn't wear the low cut tops but she did get really drunk one night with her friends on Zoom.
Howard asked how they're getting along lately. Ronnie said they've been getting along really well. He said that the other night he was cooking and he set the alarm off. He said the alarm company called and he gave the code word and it was wrong so the fire department showed up. He said that was a whole ordeal.
Howard asked what kind of alarm company doesn't put in the new password. Ronnie said there was a mix up or something. He said he's not sure what happened.
Howard said Ronnie likes nipple play. Ronnie said he does. He said she's been using this vibrator thing on them. He said it's called a VibeMax. Howard asked if that turns him on. Ronnie said it does. He said he likes when she bites on them too. He said it depends on how worked up he is.
Fred did more of his Ronnie Puppet thing talking about all of the wild stuff they do. He made up some even crazier stuff.
Howard said there you go. He took a call from a guy who said this is typical of Ronnie ignorance. He said that he said he's ''holding up'' but it sounds like he's doing great over there. Howard said he's not sure what the caller's point was. He let him go.
Howard asked Ronnie about some NASCAR controversy. He said this guy Kyle Larson used the N-word during a virtual race. He asked how they do that. Ronnie said they play video games and they do that to keep in shape to race. Howard said this guy Kyle used the N-word and he has a clip. He played the clip of the guy using the word. Howard asked why he had to say that. Ronnie said he was driving his car in this I-Race. He said they have spotters to tell them when they're near a car. He said the spotters tell them when the path is clear. He said he was talking to his spotter and didn't know he was on the air. Howard asked if the spotter is a black person. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Howard said they suspended him after that. Ronnie said he was fired after that. He said the sponsors went nuts and they had to fire him. He said he was his friend Kurt's teammate.
Ronnie said other people have done shit like this before and they have apologized and moved on with their career. He said this guy has no chance of coming back. He said he's not sure if another sponsor will touch him now. Howard asked if he should get a second chance. Ronnie said he thinks he should. He said other people have done similar things and they get a second chance. He said suspend him and let him come back. Howard said maybe they can get someone like Mel Gibson to sponsor him. Howard thanked him for that explanation. Ronnie Puppet had a different explanation about him wanting a Snickers so he was just asking for that. Ronnie said he didn't say that. Robin said all this guy had to do was drive his virtual car and not say the N-word. Ronnie said he thinks people should get a second chance. He said the guy made a mistake and he should apologize and get a second chance.
Howard said the good news is that the guy has plenty of time to play video games. He asked if they'll have trouble finding another driver to drive around in a circle. Ronnie said they've already replaced him with Matt Kenseth. Howard asked if Ronnie has ever accidentally used the N-word. Ronnie said no. Robin asked if it has always been on purpose. Ronnie said ''Ha-ha-ha-ha.''
Ronnie said he wants to talk about Jason saying he has a show in the hallway after the show. He said he always tries to shush people in the hallway himself. Robin said Ronnie was her shusher that day she got shushed.
Howard thanked Ronnie for the update. He thanked the puppet too. Fred was still in character talking about crazy sex stuff.
Robin said she noticed that JD was playing with his beard constantly when they were talking to him. Howard said it's hard not to when you have a beard like that.
Gary said he said something about 400,000 people dying in pool accidents last year. He said that's just stupid and not true.
Howard said he thought Dr. Phil was on the phone but he's not there. He let the guys try to get that worked out. Howard said that Phil thinks that they didn't need to shut down the economy to get rid of the Coronavirus.
Howard had fake Dr. Phil on the phone and asked him about the comments he made. Dr. Phil said all he did was tell the truth as far as he knows it. Howard and Dr. Phil spent a couple of minutes talking about his comments. They had fake Dr. Phil making jokes about the situation.
Howard said he thinks it's time to wrap up. Dr. Phil said he has to go. Howard let him go a short time later. Robin said Dr. Phil has never had a license to practice. She said he never applied for one. Howard read some details about him too.
Howard said he will let Bobo have the lst word. He took a call from Bobo who asked how Fred is doing his sound board thing without his sound board. Howard said they set Fred up somehow. He asked how he's doing it now. Fred got on an said they gave him more equipment. He said he has a couple of MacBooks and access to a machine at work. He said its home grown and some access to the stuff in the city. He said that he did have someone come in to set him up. He said it's a pretty involved situation there. He said he has Howard on a big 42 inch monitor.
Bobo said Fred doesn't miss a beat. Fred went into his Bobo impression and goofed on him for a second. Bobo said he had to go out and he went into a store with dark sunglasses and a bandana on. He said he was in the bank with that on. He said he went to the liquor store like that too. He said he feels weird doing it. Robin asked why he wears the dark glasses. Bobo said that he's trying to protect his eyes with the dark glasses. He said the virus can go in through your eyes so he's protecting them that way. Howard said Robin was afraid he was doing it for his look. Bobo said no.
Bobo said he hasn't been to the store in a month. He said he just goes to the lake and that's it. He said his wife goes out shopping. He said what he does is get gas. He said people will put in their debit card and put it back in their wallet and then touch their face. He said one guy did push ups on the trial and then touched his face and kept walking. Howard said Bobo is making some good points. He said you know that someone has touched the thing at the gas station. He said we're never going to get this under control if people keep doing that.
Howard said he saw that Bobo called in earlier when Dave was on. Bobo said he wanted to ask if he's ever seen Dog Men on his ranch and if he's going to teach his son to drive. He said he had a question about building a storm bunker to protect his family from tornadoes. He said he wanted to know what Dave is most passionate about in his life and what his most uncomfortable moment in his interviews was.
Howard asked Bobo what color his questions were written in. Bobo said the one about the tornados was in red. He said yellow is on the fence. Howard said imagine if he had let Bobo ask about dog men when Dave was on. He let Bobo go a short time later. Fred did his Bobo impression for a short time. He was asking questions like Bobo might ask. He was doing the Bobo sniff after every question too. Howard said next time Dave is on he'll have to ask all of those questions. Fred kept going with the impression. Howard said he wants to get Dave back on and have the Bobo Puppet interview him. Fred was still going with the questions.
Howard thanked Bobo puppet and said he's going to end the show. He said goodbye to Robin and ended the show around 10:10am.
Today's replay of the Monday show was over around 10:05am.