Show started with a version of The Great American Nightmare to the tune of B-52s ''Love Shack.''
Howard started the show talking about Sal's odd behavior. Sal asked to play an old cover song that Howard might like. Gary stopped him. Howard heard about it and said Sal doesn't get him. Howard spent time talking to Sal about what he was thinking. Howard told him this is the song he'll fire him to. Sal thought he'd paint to it. Howard didn't like the song.
Howard played a phony phone call Sal made to his father using Greta Thunberg's ''How Dare You'' clip playing the part of one of his new found siblings. Howard talked to Sal about the new siblings he found last year.
Howard wondered if Sal's dad hates Sal or condoms more. Howard talked about Coronavirus and said Sal was thinking that the boy band BTS has to be infected when they were up there. Howard said Ronnie won't order Chinese food because of Coronavirus. Ronnie came in to talk about that. Ronnie talked about how you don't know who they have working there. Howard said that would never occur to him. Ronnie said he's just taking a break for now. Howard talked about a friend who is freaking out about Coronavirus.
Howard talked to Sal about not taking a flu shot. Sal was telling him why he's freaking out about Asians being up there. Gary told him that everyone who comes up there travels the world. Robin traveled the world a couple of weeks ago.
Ronnie talked about pranking Chinese restaurants as a kid. Yelling at workers ''Ching Chong Charlie'' and the workers would chase them.
Howard talked about Ronnie tweeting a lot over the weekend. Ronnie's car got smashed at a restaurant. He told Howard that story. Ronnie said he will press charges if he finds out who did it.
Ronnie talked about Sy Sperling of The Hair club for Men dying and how he told Sal about it hoping he wasn't crying over that. Howard said Bobo might be.
Gary brought up Sal jerking off in the booths back in the day. Sal said he used Sbarro napkins so he didn't get germs on him.
Howard spent more time talking to Sal about BTS and the Asian people up there. Sal claims he was serious about being worried about the Coronavirus. Howard pointed out he licked Richard's taint. Sal said he has learned a lot and plays it safe now. Howard said Sal vapes with vape juice with skull and crossbones on it. Sal said he's trying to change and he's grown.
Howard talked to Sal about being mad at Richard when he went out to get coffee when BTS was up there. Howard said Sal is racist. Sal said he's not.
Howard told Sal to go to Chinatown to apologize. Sal said he didn't do anything wrong.
Caller suggested ground zero for Coronavirus might be their studio. Howard asked if Sal will work with Asian Pete. Sal said he thinks so. Howard let Sal and Ronnie go.
Howard spent time talking about his feelings on needing someone with experience in running something like New York City to run for President.
Howard gave his thoughts on what Bloomberg could have said during the debate to have a good argument. He said he could have mopped the floor with them.
Howard talked about how Bernie just can't win against Trump. He said Bloomberg can work with both sides. Said he can't understand what's going on. He wanted to call Bloomberg to tell him this. Wanted to call into the show even though they were off to give his feelings.
Howard took a call from one guy about this but his phone was muffled so he hung up on him.
Fake Bernie Sanders called in to argue with him about Bloomberg for a minute.
Howard spent more time talking about what he saw during the debate. Said it was like The Avengers when each one got to take a turn.
Howard talked to a caller about the debate. Caller gave him an ''Ok Boomer'' comment on all of his thoughts on this stuff. Howard didn't argue with that. He did argue about Bloomberg having experience. Caller brought up Non-Disclosure Agreements. Howard yelled at him to wake the fuck up and tried to calm himself down.
A caller suggested they move off of this. Howard said he'll play a game next.
Another caller asked how he can back someone who is so against guns when he's a second amendment guy. Howard said he's not a democrat and you can't be a one issue guy. He's all for background checks. He said he's a second amendment guy and thinks everyone should have a gun. Caller asked if he still likes Glock 19. Howard said that and a shotgun are great for defending your home.
Howard spent more time talking about how great Bloomberg is. He said even Trump likes Bloomberg. Took a couple of calls about that.
Howard said old stations he used to work for are going religious. WCCC and WAAF were mentioned. Howard said he will go religious in his next contract and become Father Stern. Howard did his impression of religious radio hosts for a short time. He sounded like Pat Robertson doing his thing. He was in that character for quite a while blaming gays for natural disasters like those religious hosts do.
Howard talked more about stations becoming religious. He said WPLJ is number 23 in the ratings with a .9 and with statistical errors that could mean it has zero listeners. They went to break after that.
Howard talked about a game show called Love is Blind on Netflix. He pointed out that Brandon Reed was an Executive Producer on the show. He used to work for NBC when Howard was on America's Got Talent. Howard told Robin what the show was about. He said it's a fascinating show. Robin hadn't seen it but she was talking about human signs and how she was reading about them. Robin said she should watch.
Howard talked about the show that Al Pacino is in on Amazon where he plays a Nazi hunter. Howard talked about The Bachelor and how great tonight's episode is going to be. He saw a preview. He spent some time talking about what this Bachelor is doing with the final 3 and how it's wrong to fuck all of them when you know who you want.
Howard moved on to play a ''Guess The Animal That's Fucking'' game. He said he was offered another game show and was very tempted by it. He said he's turned down 5 game shows so far.
Howard played ''Guess the Animal That's Fucking'' with Robin and Fred. The animals included bats, jaguars, chickens, tortoise and pandas. Fred ended up winning with 3 correct answers.
One of the clips sounded like Alex Jones crying so fake Alex Jones called in to deny he ever cried on air. They took a break after that.
Howard talked about watching Narcos Mexico on Netflix and finishing all 10 new episodes already. He had Scott McNairy on the phone. Scott is in Narcos.
Howard talked to Scoot about where he got his name which was a nickname as a kid. Howard talked about how he likes his looks and how good he was in Narcos. He said he might deserve an Emmy.
Howard talked to Scoot about his career and how long he's been around. They talked about some of the shows he's been on. They talked about how he got on Narcos. Howard said he could never get a part like that. He said Scoot looks like someone who can kick ass.
Howard and Robin asked about what the audition process is like. Scoot filled them in on that.
Howard asked if he's single and said he's looking for someone for Robin. They talked about Scoot's two kids and his ex-wife a little bit.
Howard predicted that his career will blow up. He said he sees him dating a Miley Cyrus sometime soon. He said he loved what he did on Narcos and thanked him for calling.
Howard said Robin isn't really selling herself when he tries to get her a date. Robin said she's not looking.
Caller asked if Diff'rent Strokes theme could beat it. Howard said it's not that great. He said Love Boat is pretty great. They came up with other themes that they didn't play last week. They played Chico and The Man. Howard mentioned that Beth met Jose Feliciano and she had no idea who he was. Howard didn't know he was still alive.
Caller asked what karaoke song he would do if he had to do one with Beth. Howard said it would be Close To You by the Carpenters. He sang some of that and said that's their go to song for Karaoke. Fred played some of Howard and Beth singing that song together.
Howard said he and Robin sing ''Mockingbird'' together. He said that was a big sensation at their Christmas party a couple of years ago. Fred played some of that performance.
Howard read more feedback and talked about more theme songs like Fresh Prince of Bel Air and All in the Family. Mariann from Brooklyn had called in and left a voicemail singing All in the Family. Howard took her call but quickly hung up on her.
Howard talked to Robin about her trip to Australia for a short time. They talked about the show My 600 Pound Life for a short time.
Howard played more theme songs that fans wrote in about. There were quite a few that they missed last week. They had Perry Mason, Bonanza and others. Howard played some and had Robin guessing what they were. He did that with the Taxi theme song. He played more themes and talked to Robin more about her trip to Australia.
Howard took a call from Jon Hein Audiobook who was going on and on about All in the Family. Howard wondered what kind of book that is. He had Jon explain over a static filled microphone.
A caller brought up WKRP in Cincinnati and asked what he thought about the show. Howard said it was awful. He said it never had any sense of reality. He said that's why he made Private Parts look so real.
Howard talked about other radio TV shows like Frasier who you never saw working. Jon Hein came in and talked more about WKRP and said people watched that for Loni Anderson. Howard took another call from Jon Hein audiobook who was going on and on about the Andy Griffith Show. Howard said he was shocked they let Jon write another book after that one.
Howard read more feedback about Robin's singing and more. He said some were not pleased with her singing. There were people who wrote in about Ronnie talking about Ryan Newman's crash. Some people said Ronnie did a great job explaining it.
Howard read some feedback about Speech Impediment Man calling in and how they helped with his comedy. Howard went to break after that.
Howard took a call from Apples who asked about the cat videos that they put out over their vacation where he was petting a cat. Howard said that's a cat called Mushu Peaches. He said it made Beth crazy that he bonded with her and she didn't.
Howard and Apples also talked about some of the pictures Beth posted of herself in a bikini over vacation.
Howard talked about trying to stay in shape but he still has a belly. He said even with Peloton he can't get rid of it. Apples said he lost 38 pounds since the start of the year. Howard said he's lost the weight but he's still ''loose.'' He won't do anything medical to remove it.
Howard talked about how Beth almost started a fast but Dr. Agus talked her out of it. Howard said he still has a belly even at his ''Auschwitz weight.''
Apples asked if he would have Bernie Sanders on the show. Howard said he doesn't think he would. He said maybe Bloomberg. Apples said he doesn't think that people in the mid-west are liking Bloomberg. Howard and Apples spent a short time talking about that.
Apples wants Howard to talk to Bernie on his show. He said that way they can work this out. Howard asked Bernie to call in now. He said they have one who is really funny.
Howard said he likes Bernie personally but with those views he can't see how he's going to win.
Fake Bernie Sanders called in again and went off on Howard and Robin for a short time.
Howard talked about how 1/4 of Americans believe in them. He said it's big business. He said he's proving his point by having Wendy the Slow Adult and a Clairvoyant predict the outcome of the Super Bowl. He said they both sucked at it. Howard played clips of some of the predictions this psychic had. He said he won't give her real name out. He called her Cassandra. She had a pendulum and tarot cards to use as well as being a clairvoyant.
Howard played a clip of Wendy saying she just has a feeling so that's how she's making her predictions. Howard played clips of each one predicting the outcome of the coin toss and other things during the game. Wendy ended up guessing more right than Cassandra.
Howard took a call from a cop who said Ronnie will never find out who hit his car. He said they would need a really high resolution camera to get the plate number.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who was talking about the democratic debate and told Howard who he thinks has to get out. He said he doesn't like Trump but he has a way of speaking to the poor that really works. Howard went to break after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he ever pees outside. Howard said no way because of cameras and fear of being ticketed. He had a friend who had that happen to him in Central Park. That led to them playing audio of Richard calling Will Murray and leaving him a voicemail while he peed on the street. Howard and Robin talked about how Richard has to be gay talking about all of the stuff he did in that call.
A caller asked if he watches the show Prodigal Son. The caller said they had a Baba Booey reference on the show. Howard ended up playing a few Baba Booey references from other shows.
There was a ''Mama Monkey'' reference during the Genesis Golf Tournament. Howard said he can't use that one. He said he got a lot of shit about that. He said Gary's mom called his mom about it back then. Howard did his impression of his mother telling him about that call.
Gary said he yelled at his mother after that. Howard said he didn't start that Mama Monkey thing. He got a note saying it was started by a caller in 1993.
Howard took a call from Gary Audiobook who was talking about the story where his mother called Howard's mother.
Howard had the audio from 1993 where the caller used ''Mama Monkey'' for the first time. He went into his impression of his mother for a short time after that
Robin read stories about:
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Bloomberg again. Howard and the caller spent a few minutes talking about that. Howard said discussing politics is futile. He said you can't change anyone's opinion.
Robin read a story about Kirk Douglas being worth about $80 million and he left most of it to charity. Howard spent a little time talking about what a good guy he was.
A caller talked about the peeing in Central Park thing and she said that's not cool in these days of #MeToo. Howard said that's what he was saying. He said he doesn't pee outside himself. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Simon Cowell being afraid of the Coronavirus so he's wearing a mask in public. Howard said he doesn't think he has anything to worry about because that virus doesn't want to go into a scumbag like that. Fake Simon Cowell was on the phone so Howard spent a few minutes arguing with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said shame on him for shaming a porn star. Howard explained that he was thinking about Steven and how it must be tough for him. They argued for a minute before the guy hung up on Howard. Howard said he has no problem with porn stars. He said he only jerks off to those who don't have parents.
Robin read stories about:
Chris Wilding came in to talk about seeing Justin Bieber's penis and how big it was. They talked about how Chris will be searching for High Pitch Erik's penis on Wednesday's show. Gary said Erik said he bought a ring to propose to Chris with. They spent a little time talking about the High Pitch Erik thing trying to figure out what they're doing.
Robin read more stories about...
The Houston Astros getting away with their cheating scandal. Robin said they got away with it because they had to get players to testify by giving them immunity. Gary had some details to add to that story.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started the show talking about forgetting to move his computer screen up. He said he has a great app called Brain Toss. He said it has changed his life. He said it has a big microphone and an email and a photograph. He said you can use it to take notes. He said it emails the stuff right to him. He can use it for reminders for anything.
Howard said all day he walks around coming up with ideas for the show and he uses that app to send them to himself. Howard said the app changed his life and he loves it.
Howard said he turned Gary on to that app. Gary said he loves it too. He said he took a picture of a book he wanted to read to remind himself. Howard said he has zero inbox. Robin said he's been proud of that for a long time.
Robin said he changed his email and didn't give it to her. Howard said he just changed it for her. He said he really didn't change it. Robin said it's the same one she's been using.
Howard said he's a disciple of this Getting Things Done book. He said that changed his life. He said he started out with the zero inbox and that has created less stress in his life. He said the book helped him get to that point.
Howard talked about the belly he still has even after working out so hard and losing weight. He said he read about a guy who has been working out and has a six pack now. He said the guy is doing the Mark Wahlberg workout and he has to get up at 4 in the morning to start working out. He said he's going to keep his belly.
Howard read about a 62 year old guy who did the longest plank ever. He won some contest. Gary said he's in the Guinness book of world records. Howard said it's a push-up position. He read about how the guy trained to get there. He did it for 8 hours and 15 minutes. He said the guy is ripped. Howard said he can't do that shit because he has a job.
Howard said he bought a Peloton bike and he likes that. He said it gets him doing cardio. He talked about following Jen from Peloton on social media. He likes following people.
Robin asked if he would have followed his teachers when he was in school. Howard said he would. He ran into a teacher outside of school once and it was interesting to see she had a life.
Howard said he follows Kendra O'Toole from Peloton too. He said she has a lot of pictures he likes to look at.
Howard said Peloton sent him a message saying he hit 100 rides so he's a century rider. He said they offered him a free t-shirt for that. He deleted the mail but changed his mind and had his assistant get it for him. He said he'll bring it in.
Howard talked about watching ''Love is Blind'' on Netflix. He said he and Beth think it's the best thing on TV.
Howard talked about how he came across the Kobe Bryant tribute. He didn't know that the Staples center was named after the store Staples.
Howard talked about Jimmy crying his eyes out over Kobe at the tribute. He said he was thinking about what he would do if he hosted his tribute. He said he won't be able to speak.
Howard said there were a lot of black people there wondering who this guy was. He said everyone was sitting there stone faced and Jimmy is crying his eyes out. He said he thinks Jimmy jumped on the casket at one point.
Howard said he didn't know Jimmy knew Kobe. He said he never knew that and he hangs out with Jimmy.
Howard said Jimmy had better throw himself in his casket at his funeral if this is how he acts at Kobe's.
Howard played some clips from the Kobe tribute. He said he went on before the widow and most everyone else. He said Michael Jordan cried hard but Jimmy had him beat. Robin said he cried for that lion too. Howard said he cried for John Ritter too.
Howard talked about the empire that Jimmy is building. He said he's got his hand in a lot of things.
Howard said during the widow's speech he took notes for Beth to use at his funeral. He said he can't figure out what she is. He said she's kind of Paula Abdul-ish. He said he thought Kobe was married to a black woman.
Howard played some clips of Jimmy's speech where he was crying. Howard said he thinks this gives him street cred with black people. Robin said no way.
A caller asked what he thinks about Kobe's wife suing the pilot and his estate. Howard talked about how much he hates flying on helicopters but he's not sure what to think about that. He said this guy flew Kobe all the time. He's not sure what kind of case there is there. Robin said he may have skirted some weather rules back in 2015 too. The caller said he thinks there will be lawsuits going back and forth.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in to talk about the crying. She said it was embarrassing. She also said she'll be the one making a speech at his funeral.
Howard talked about how this got him and Beth talking about dying and if they'll be buried together. They don't have any plans. He said Beth wants to be cremated. He has a fear that he'll still be alive when they do that. He said he's heard too many stories about people who were buried alive. Robin said that's a million years ago. Howard said it happens in current times.
Howard talked about going to dinner with a guy the other night who bought up mausoleum plots because they're running out of space. He said this guy is already gardening his.
Howard talked about wanting a way to get out of his mausoleum if he's buried alive. He wants to be able to push his way out. Robin said he needs a button in there to get out if he's too weak.
Howard talked about this view the guy has in his mausoleum. He said you have to maintain the whole thing and mow the lawn. Howard said he's going to get a tour of this guy's mausoleum.
Howard talked to Beth about all of that and said he doesn't want to be cremated like her. He said she can have her ashes in the mausoleum with him so they're doing it that way.
A caller said Jimmy has to get his shit together. He said you can't cry more than the widow if you're at a black funeral. Howard said he has to save some of that for his funeral.
Howard played more clips of Jimmy's speech at the Kobe tribute. Howard said he has to save some tears for him.
Howard said he thought Kobe's wife was half black. Robin asked why he cares. Howard said he just does.
Jason came in and told a story about a guy who was pronounced dead and he came back to life. This was from 2014 in Mississippi. He woke up on the embalming table. Jason told another story from 1850 where they had found a woman had tried to claw her way out of the casket when they dug it up.
A funeral director called in to talk about the buried alive thing. Howard said you can make a good living doing that. The caller said you can make six figures. The caller told Howard the name of the oven where they cremate people. He said it's called a retort. The guy said they should put Beth's ashes in an urn between his legs in the mausoleum.
Howard said he has to stay on time today and get out right at 11. He said he has a doctor's appointment. They took a break a short time later.
Howard said Robin is going back into the recording studio today. He said it's a very fertile time for her. Robin said it is.
Howard talked more about Jimmy Kimmel crying at the Kobe thing. He said he has to find someone else to host his funeral. He said maybe Colbert or Fallon.
Howard said Robin knew that Kobe's wife was half black. He had a quiz for her for other people like Mariah Carey, Derek Jeter, Zoe Kravitz and Hoda Kotb. He asked Robin about Gary Dell'Abate too. Robin was guessing right. Howard asked about Vin Diesel, Chrissy Teigen, Keanu Reeves, The Rock, Slash, Bruno Mars, Ann Curry and Maya Rudolph. Robin guessed right with most of them.
Howard talked about how he and Robin talked about getting her on a Peloton to get her working out. Howard said he wears short shorts when he bikes. He said imagine what that looks like. He said he has a headband that he wears too. He said he looks like Marge Simpson with the hair up. He said Beth has noticed his stamina is up since working out on the Peloton.
Fred played some drops so Howard was going to play some history of drops. He also had Mark the Bagger and Wendy the Slow Adult clips to play so he went with that first.
Howard explained how Mark and Wendy were on Hollyweird Squares a little while back. He had some clips of Wendy asking Mark to come to her party. Mark turned her down saying he had to take a nap. Wendy kept asking and Mark kept coming up with excuses.
Howard had a sex tip from Mark the Bagger where he just said stroke your cock up and down and when you cum, just rub it into the carpet. He said no one will notice.
Howard played Mark and Wendy singing ''I Got You Babe,'' ''Islands in the Stream'' and ''Up Where We Belong.''
Howard played a Wack Pack Dating Profiles bit with Mark the Bagger too. They went to break after that.
Howard had his voice really deep on the harmonizer and talked about what they have coming up tomorrow with Chris Wilding and High Pitch Erik. He said Harry Styles will be in on Monday.
Howard talked about deep voice guys on radio and how they get lost in their own voices so they suck. Robin said Vin Diesel is like that with his deep voice too.
Howard talked about not being able to get sleep last night. He spent a minute on that and then took some calls.
A caller with a deep voice called in so Howard put the harmonizer back on and talked to the guy with that. The caller asked for his advice on what grades he should be teaching. Howard said don't teach kindergarten because you may have to wipe a kid's ass. He said he did that when he was a kid in kindergarten. He described the mess in there and how he buried the underpants in the back yard.
Howard went through the grades with the caller and said 7th and 8th grade are shit too. He said the sweet spot is 3rd grade. He explained to the caller about how the heavy lifting was done by 1st and 2nd grade.
The caller asked about Peloton too. He said his wife is part of it already and he thanks them for what it's done for her. The caller asked when he finds time to get on it. Howard said there's always time. He told the caller about how he fits it into his schedule. Howard had to hang up on the guy after he talked over Robin.
A caller asked Fred if he has free reign over the drops he plays. Howard said he does. He said Fred knows him very well by now and he's funny and knows what he's doing.
A caller asked if Howard noticed that only men are getting naked on shows these days. Howard said he has. He said no one wants to see that. He said women are so beautiful. He did an impression of George Takei talking about the naked men. Howard said sometimes they'll go into a strip club and women will be topless. Robin said they're often dressed in the strip clubs.
Ham Hands Bill called in and told Howard his mother had a stroke. He said she slurs her speech once and he didn't think about it. He said she ended up having a stroke. Howard told him he's not a doctor so don't worry about missing the sign. He said you can't catch every sign.
Bill said he also missed that her blood pressure had gone up and she had dry mouth. He said his sister called 911 and they took her in. He said she was home 4 days later.
Bill talked about how he hasn't masturbated since last May. He said he's waiting for some woman to come do that for him. Howard said you can't hold it in for 8 months. Bill said she's more excited for him because of that.
Bill wanted to ask Robin about her smelling her pussy. He said he will smell himself by scratching and even he smells like pussy. He asked if that's normal. Howard said he's really ill.
Howard had fake Ham Hands Bill's mom on the phone. She was calling her son an idiot and said she asked him to call 911 and he just played with his cock.
Howard played a High Pitch Erik ''Oh my god, no!'' clip. He played the origin of that when Erik was talking about TV weather people.
Howard played a Beetlejuice clip where he said ''Lisa Lamalovely?'' Howard said they were asking him to introduce Lisa Lampanelli. He played the origin of that. Howard said they haven't seen Beetlejuice in a long time. Gary said he hasn't been up there since 2016.
Howard played a clip of Robin making a car cranking sound or something like that. Howard said this was from 2006 when they had a roast of Daniel Carver. Robin made the cat noise when Gary was telling her she had to leave her booth for the segment.
Howard played a drop of Underdog lady saying ''What!?'' and that was from 2019. Howard played the origin clip where she reacted to missing National Dracula Day.
Howard played a drop where someone said ''Idiot!'' Howard said it was from an early Tradio phony phone call that Sal and Richard made in 2009. Howard played the call that the drop came from.
Howard played a drop where Raymond Norman said ''Oprah Winfrey, Negro woman of the south.'' Howard explained who said that back in 2002. Howard said this was a disgruntled fan of Oprah's. Howard played the original clip it came from. Howard said they took that guy and called the Cathi show. He said this is a new prank call. He played that prank call where the guys called her and had Raymond going off on her like he did with Oprah.
Howard said if you like all of those drops you can listen to the Power of the Drops special hosted by Fred Norris on the SiriusXM app. He said it's up there now. He went to break after that.
Gary told Howard that Sal said it's outstanding. Howard said it has 1300mg of sodium. Sal came in and told Howard how good it is. Richard came in too and talked about how great it tasted. Richard said he dropped his on the floor and still ate it.
Howard said he got so much email about Sal being scared of a Korean boy band. Howard asked Richard to eat that sandwich out of Sal's ass. Richard said Sal should eat it out of his ass.
Howard said Sal turned down a Girl Scout cookie because it was too many calories. Sal explained that he was offered this KFC sandwich out in the lobby. He said it was just by chance that he got one. Gary said it has 65 grams of fat which is 100 percent of the fat you should have in one day.
Gary came in and took a bite out of the sandwich. Gary said it's really good. Howard said he'd think it would be horrible. Sal said it's ridiculous.
Jason came in to try the sandwich too. Everyone was taking a bite out of the same sandwich. Jason said it's good. He said he won't order it though.
Jon Hein tried the sandwich too. Jon said it was pretty good. Howard asked if he would get it for lunch. Jon said it would be too much for him. He said it's a good combination. He said it's a limited time only and people are going to love it.
Howard asked if Sal would eat that for lunch. Sal said that's a once in a blue moon kind of thing.
Howard talked about how interesting it was to see the guys coming in to try it. He said they used to line up to feel women's boobs and now they line up to try chicken sandwiches.
Howard read through some email about Sal and what an idiot they think he is after yesterday's Coronavirus discussion. Howard had some feedback about Ronnie's racist comments from yesterday's show too.
Howard read comments about Sal's prank call to his father with the Greta Thunberg clips. He asked what they thought about that. Sal said his mother wasn't happy. He had to wait days to talk to her about it. He said they have been through it too much with the real thing.
Howard talked about David Spade texting him about the Greta Thunberg prank call while it was going on. He played that prank call that Sal made to his dad with the Greta clips.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Sal about his dad. He said that's such a great call.
Howard had Sal's fake mom and dad on the phone. He spent a couple of minutes talking to them about that long lost daughter that called.
Howard said he got political yesterday and people were agreeing with him on Sanders and Bloomberg. He said he has a friend who has a small business and he says he'll be out of business if Sanders is elected.
Howard said even Sal would vote for Bloomberg. Sal said the city was beautiful when he was mayor there.
Howard read a bunch of feedback about his political talk yesterday. He had some positive feedback and negative too.
Howard took a call from fake President Obama and asked who he wants to endorse. Fake Obama said he's endorsing Donald Trump after seeing that last debate. Howard spent a couple of minutes with fake Obama on the phone.
Howard talked about his mother giving him that lecture every time she would cook. She would talk about the Galloping Gourmet and how much she hated that guy and Johnny Carson too. He said she called him an arrogant prick in her own words.
Howard talked about watching Love is Blind on Netflix and there were people talking about the books their parents read to them as kids. He said his mother never read him a book. He said his father just wanted him out of the house. He said he wondered what it would be like if his father cuddled up next to him in bed. He said he wondered what a loving Ben Stern would be like.
Fake Bernie Sanders was in the studio doing his Ben Stern impression talking to Howard like a regular dad. He told him to never shut up and don't sit down. He said he is the passion that keeps him alive.
Howard said his dad never kept a picture of him in his wallet. Fake Ben was talking about how he's every dream he ever had. He said he brags about him to all of his friends. He invited him to a meal too. He was like bizarro Ben Stern saying the opposite things that Ben might say. Howard told Gary to cancel his psychiatrist appointment for today.
Howard told a story about his dad complaining about a co-worker showing him pictures of his kids and how annoyed he was by that. Robin said she's not sure why they had kids. Howard said it's just what they thought they were supposed to do.
Howard did his impression of his parents talking about not having pictures of him. He had them wondering why they had kids too. Howard took a break a short time later.
A caller brought up that Love is Blind show on Netflix and said he has to be out of mind watching it. He said his daughter watches it. He suggested that ''Sex Education'' show is good. Howard said he heard it's good but he hasn't seen it.
Howard talked about Love is Blind and how great it is. He asked how that can be bad. Howard also talked about The Bachelor and how that guy is going to be the most hated of all time. He talked about him fucking girls like they're a box of chocolates. He said he knows which one he wants. Howard spent a little bit of time talking about what's been happening on the show. He said imagine your daughter is on that show.
A caller got in on the Bachelor discussion. She said it's all ridiculous what's happening with that guy. Howard said the guy is making dudes look bad.
Howard said they have to stay on time today because he has to go to the doctor. He said he has a Musical Radio bit with Samantha Bee starring in it. Howard played the bit where they asked her about being pro or anti-vaccination. Samantha sang all of her answers.
Howard talked about how Michael is in a Bachelor fantasy league and he's in last place. Robin said Howard isn't doing well with his pick either. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel always does well.
Michael talked to Howard about The Bachelor and said someone has to intervene on that show. Howard and Michael talked about some of the women on the show and what's been happening with them.
Howard said he has to go to the doctor so he has to get back to the show. He let him go.
Robin started off her news with a story about Chris Matthews and how people are calling him to be fired after he compared Bernie Sanders to the Nazi invasion of France. Robin had audio for Howard to play. She had his comments and then his apology. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Pete Davidson talking about how he's not sure why they take shots at him on Saturday Night Live because he's sensitive about that stuff. Howard said he should leave that show because it's getting in the way of his fucking.
Howard took a call from Tan Mom and had her trying to say Ariana Grande. She can't say it right. She says Aliana Grande. Howard tried to slow her down to get it right. She almost had it. Howard messed with her for a couple of minutes. Howard found out she's in Florida and wondered how dark she is now. Tan Mom said she'll send Shuli a picture. Howard said she must look like beef jerky.
Robin read a story about a university professor who read a textbook that had the N-word in it and used the word. Howard said he'd say ''N-word'' instead of the actual word. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Simon Cowell getting a book deal for a children's book series. Howard said how about a book about how to fuck your mother. He had fake Simon on the phone during that story.
A caller said he's going to be on America's Got Talent next week. He asked Howard for some advice. Howard said he was there for 4 years and the judges really do make the decisions. He said the producers will listen to them. Fake Simon called back in to talk to the caller. Simon asked if he can fuck his wife and that will raise his chances. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Harvey Weinstein who has been found guilty of 2 charges of rape. Howard said Bill Cosby put out a message of support for him. He said that's a real thing. Robin had some audio for Howard to play where the case was discussed.
Robin read a story about Placido Domingo apologizing for making women uncomfortable back stage at some opera houses. Robin had some of his opera for Howard to play. Howard didn't like it of course. He made up his own opera song and sang that to Robin.
Robin read a story about Dwyane Wade's 12 year old daughter coming out as transgender. Robin said there's a lot of things coming out about it on social media. She had some audio of Cardi B defending the daughter.
Robin read a story about a poll that says 33 percent of democrats think Bernie Sanders could beat Trump in the election. She said Bloomberg came in second and Biden in third. Howard said he still thinks Bloomberg is the right guy.
Robin read a story about President Trump chiming in on the Harvey Weinstein conviction. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about that being a great victory. He said he never liked Harvey. He said the democrats liked him. Howard said he should lay low with that shit. He said he has people accusing him of some stuff.
Robin read a story about the Village People announcing they will not ban Trump from using their music at his events. Robin said he has used Macho Man and YMCA at his events. Howard wondered if he knows they're gay. Howard said he thinks Macho Man might be about dudes fucking. Robin said Trump said that the Coronavirus is under control in this country even though there are 50 cases reported.
Robin read a story about Joe Biden holding a narrow advantage over the other democratic opponents in South Carolina. Howard said Biden slipped up and said he was a candidate for the U.S. Senate. He said he has to stop with the gaffs. He said he was the front runner until he started speaking.
Robin read a story about Jussie Smollett pleading not guilty in the case that she mentioned yesterday. Robin said they will have to go to trial.
Robin read a story about the Texas primary and how that's a do or die state for Bloomberg. Howard said he should buy Texas and he'll have the win.
Robin read about Mardi Gras kicking off in New Orleans.
Robin said Metallica announced they won't be playing at a couple of festivals because James Hetfield had a relapse last year. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about how today's show should be exciting with Chris Wilding searching for High Pitch Erik's penis. Robin said it's like a big game hunt. Howard said he likes when Erik comes in and he tells him he's gay and Erik denies it.
Howard talked about how obsessed Erik is with Chris Wilding and other men. He said he loves the whole discussion about him being gay and his denying it.
Howard said he has tape of Medicated Pete saying he's not gay. He said he sleeps with women but this is confusing. He said he might be a little bit gay. He said he loves to show off his penis in the local gym locker room. Robin said he has to compete with guys who can talk and have jobs. She said all he has going for him is his penis. Howard said Chris Wilding is gay so he's in charge of finding out who is gay or not.
Howard talked about how the guy who is in charge of homeland security is the acting head of it. He said he was watching tape of senator Kennedy talking about this Coronavirus and he was asking questions and this guy in charge of Homeland Security didn't have answers. He said Trump was saying we'll be fine because we're close to a cure but he was confused with the Ebola virus.
Howard said they're saying that Coronavirus is coming and we have to be prepared. Robin said if you're already ill then it can be devastating. Howard said they just cut 2.5 billion out of the budget for handling these types of things. He said they have to scramble to find money now. Howard said Donald said that the virus will go away when it gets warmer. Robin said it's warm where it is now. Howard hopes it's not as bad as they say it is. Robin said hopefully they come up with a cure. Howard said that's two years away at least.
Howard said he didn't watch the debates last night. He said he went to bed. He tried hanging in there. Robin said it was disgraceful. She said they're all vying for the presidency like it's a pot of gold. Howard said he heard Bloomberg just bought a commercial during it. Howard said that's the kind of thinking he likes. He said that's how he handled running New York. He said he was thinking of inviting him on the show. He said it might be too late.
Howard played some audio of people talking over one another at the debates last night. He said he should get to something important. He said they have to find out if Medicated Pete is gay.
Howard said Chris Wilding took Pete into the green room and told him he's new to the city and he wanted to find out if he can see his penis. Howard played some audio of Chris asking to see his penis and Pete got flustered.
Howard played some audio of Chris talking to Pete about going out to his friend's place and doing stuff there. Pete said he doesn't do anal. He was willing to get a blow job from Chris though. Robin said maybe he has had a man blow him before.
Howard said there's a lot going on. He said maybe in 2020 being gay isn't a big deal. He said Chris said he was with straight guys before so he was okay with that.
Howard said Pete says he's 9 1/2 inches. Robin said that must be erect. Howard said that's pretty good.
Robin said she got him a Great Garloo in a box and he threw it out. Howard said it was horrible. He said the box was filthy. He said he's not 8 years old anymore.
Howard said he had warehouses full of his own memorabilia and he saw the bills coming in. He said he had to throw it out. He said he was like a hoarder keeping it in a warehouse. He said now he's throwing it all out and the bills are going way down. He said he should empty it out and send it to Dr. Drew. He said he sent him all of his old MAD Magazines. He said they were all garbage. He said he should send Drew a bill for storage every month.
Jason came in and said he goes through Howard's stuff and he sees the stuff people send. He said the recurring thing is self published books that people sent to him. Howard said he'd get books from people who self published. He said they're not good. Jason said there are books about small penis and big penises. He said he has an insane amount of old calendars too. He said it's all going in the garbage. Howard said keep going. He said he'll blow him but he's not gay.
Howard said they had a Riley Martin bobble head and he sent it to Jimmy Kimmel. He said this was one in his storage facility. He said he got rid of that thing.
Howard said he sent the bobble head to Jimmy and it ended up getting broken. He said Jimmy had someone fix it and now it's on his desk.
Jason told Howard that he has a lot of broken stuff in storage. Howard told Jason to throw it all out. Jason said they are. He said it's getting thrown out hundreds of things at a time.
Jason said they have weird things like index cards with signatures on them. Howard said throw it all out.
Jason asked Howard if he wants a Bob Dylan poster thrown away. Howard told him to throw it away. Jason said he wanted to but the group told him not to. Howard told him to send it to Dr. Drew. He said anything they can't decide on, send it to Drew.
Howard heard he had an Orson Wells card signed. He said he'll give that to Gary as a gift. He said he can frame it and put it with his vinyl collection. Gary had Jason throw in the Dylan poster.
Jason said they are going to keep some stuff to auction off. Howard said they're saving him money by doing this. He said they cost him money. He said throw it all out. He said he'll thank anyone who can throw out stuff. Howard said he's spent so much money saving this stuff.
Jason said they have gone through about 1000 items and threw out about 80 percent of it. Jason said they throw out any calendars automatically. they have porn star signed stuff and that's all getting thrown out. Howard asked how many storage facilities he's out of. Jason said he's not sure about that.
Howard said he had a check signed by Moe from the Three Stooges and he had to get rid of that. Jason said they gave that to someone on the staff. Howard said that's fine.
Howard asked if one thing has been found worth saving. Jason asked if he cares about awards he's won. Howard said no. He said they can throw them all out. Howard said maybe save the awards.
Jason told Howard they saved faxes and things like that. Howard said throw it all out. Jason said he has awards from places that don't exist anymore.
Howard talked about getting awards for being the best radio show as voted by people at a barber shop. He said that gets thrown out.
Jason said they have pictures of everything. Howard said they have saved every set they made. Jason said that's all garbage too. Howard asked how much money he's going to save by throwing it all out. Jason said they're going through it all. Howard said throw it all out.
Gary had a list of things they're going to ask him about. Howard said Ralph is on the phone and he wants some of it. Howard said he can have whatever he wants. Howard said he wants the Iron Man head.
Jason asked Howard about some Stan Lee stuff. Howard said throw it out. Ralph told him to wait. Howard said Ralph can have whatever.
Gary and Jason went through lists of things they had to ask Howard about. Howard wanted it all thrown out but some of it will be auctioned off. Howard said Ralph can keep some of it. Robin is going to get an Ali vs. Frasier action figure set.
Gary asked about Kevin Smith signed scripts. Howard told him to get rid of it. JD was going to take them.
The guys were talking about some of the weird stuff Howard collected in the past. Ralph wanted it all. Howard asked where he has the room for that stuff. He said his apartment isn't that big. Howard said Chris Wilding wanted to see his apartment and Ralph didn't let him up there. Jason said he's been up there and it was pretty full 5 years ago.
Howard said he is so into stealth living now. He said if you don't look at this shit then throw it out. Ralph said he has shit he knows he should get rid of but he can't.
Howard said if they have something valuable they can auction it off for North Shore. Ralph said he'll give his stuff to Jason to auction off. Jason said he has enough work to do with Howard's stuff.
A caller wanted the Great Garloo doll and said it's Gazoo, not Garloo. Howard said it's Great Garloo. He said it's not the same thing. Howard had to explain to the caller what the Great Garloo was. He said it was a robot from before the Great Gazoo even came out. Howard told the story about how bad he wanted one of these things as a kid. He said he got the robot and it had a gigantic wheel and a controller attached to it. Ralph said it was gigantic and ugly. Howard said it was boring to play with anyway.
Howard said his neighbor used to beat him up and he got a robot that shot balls out of his hands. He said one day they fought with their robots. He said he forgets the name of that one but Garloo got his ass kicked. Howard said that was the one time his father was happy. He wanted to throw that thing out. His mother did too.
Howard said it took this robot like 10 minutes to pick one thing up. He said he would play with it and held on to it for years. He said he used to keep his cigars and stuff in the storage space in the back of it.
Howard did his parent's voices talking about this thing. Howard said Garloo looked like a gargoyle. He said Google it to see what he looked like.
Jason told Howard there's a lot of marionette puppets that people have sent. Howard said throw them all out. Jason said they have a Robin and Fred marionette. Howard said bring that one in. He said that's the only way to control her.
Howard said Robin was terrorizing people in the recording studio yesterday. He said he'll play it for her. Robin asked what she did. Ralph asked him to play it now.
Howard said Robin decided to return to singing. He said they were talking about the greatest TV theme songs. He said Robin went in to work on her own version of The Jeffersons theme. Howard said they went into the studio and everyone was scared of her. Robin said stop it. Howard played audio of Robin talking about what she was hoping to do and they didn't have a music bed for her to use. She went off on Richard when he said they just had the original.
Howard said she's hard to work with. Robin said you had to see Richard's eyes rolling around in his head. She said he just sat there. Howard said he may have shit in his diaper. Howard said he's seen that look on his face. Robin said she didn't know what was happening.
Howard played another clip of Derek talking to Robin about messing up a line. She did the line over again and left.
Howard said they emerged with a new powerhouse song from Robin. Howard played the song and Robin did her thing with that theme song with her off key voice. Howard said he likes that version. He said she has that great attitude and just sings so proudly. Howard played some of her final verse of the song without the music.
Howard talked about what they had coming up with Chris Wilding and High Pitch Erik. He said Erik requested that Chris search around to find his penis that is apparently inverted. Ralph was ready to throw up thinking about the pubic hair down there. Howard said Erik has not shaved at all down there. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said High Pitch Erik is there. He played a song to introduce this segment they're doing. The song was ''Where in the World is High Pitch Erik's Penis.''
Erik came in nude. Howard said he didn't know that was happening. Erik said he was dressed as a leprechaun. Howard said it's actually a leopard. Howard said he has no pants or underpants on. Shuli said he does have them on. He said they're small. Erik showed them all what he had on. Howard said he thinks that's how his ass looks.
Howard said Erik is sitting on that couch with his naked ass. He said they may throw it out after this. Erik said he'll take it home. He said he can put it next to his bed.
Howard asked why Erik doesn't upgrade his apartment. Erik said he likes where he lives. It's bigger than the place Howard was thinking about.
Howard did a recap on what this is all about. Erik has a small penis and he's so big that it's inverted. Howard said he has no penis whatsoever. Erik said there's no shaft. Howard said now it's completely retracted. Erik talked about how he has to pull it out when he pees. Erik said he has to pee against the wall sometimes and he has to pull it out at the parking garage.
Howard asked Erik about his car and how busy he is with that now. Erik said he has appointments and he started taking kick boxing lessons with Mariann. Shuli said he went one afternoon and trained for 5 hours. He said he's never returned and he fucked up his knee that one time.
Howard asked Erik where he goes on a regular basis. Erik said he goes shopping, to doctor appointments and things like that. He said he goes to Jersey every week to do his Podcast too.
Howard said Erik once peed himself while sleeping. He asked why he's taking Ambien. Erik said he needs sleep. Howard asked what the rush is. Erik said he has to sleep. Howard asked why not try it without taking the Ambien. Erik said he can't stay awake. He said he has places to be.
Erik said he has to watch the morning news. Howard said he can miss it. Erik said he has to watch some stuff on TV. Shuli said making sense is foreign to him.
Howard asked Erik about peeing himself and what happened. Erik said he peed the sheets. He said his health care assistant had to clean it up.
Shuli told a story about Erik getting a salad with burger, bacon and eggs mixed in with it. Howard said he doesn't need all of that. He said a little bit of hamburger might be okay.
Shuli said Erik isn't eating now. He's just drinking protein shakes. Erik said he's losing weight. Howard said he is not. Erik said he had cake over the weekend while celebrating his mom's birthday.
Howard asked why he's still fat. Erik said he's down to 313. He said it's better than 326. Howard said that's true and he got his math right.
Shuli said he heard he got into more accidents but he's denying it. Erik said he hasn't had an accident. Shuli said he knows the answer already. He told him to be honest. Erik told a story about a fucking idiot who told him to back up and he never told him to stop so he hit someone very lightly behind him. He said he didn't see him.
Shuli said he has a camera for reversing. Erik said he does. Shuli said he still hit the guy. Erik said he didn't see the car in the camera.
Shuli said this guy he hit was a fan. He said Erik texted the dealer and wanted them to fix the guy's car so they could avoid insurance.
Howard said Erik has so many police stickers on his window that he can barely see out of it. Shuli said they're all over and they say ''family member'' on them. He said cop cars don't have this much shit on them.
Howard asked if that stuff helps. Erik said the cops love the Stern Show and they know who he is. He said the PBA cards help him.
Shuli said Erik sucked a guy's thumb for a PBA card. Erik said he did it as a bit on his Podcast. He said it's called ''Between Two Blue Balls.''
Howard said Erik is semi nude and he claims he lost weight but he doesn't see evidence of that. Shuli said he told him that he only jerks off to Blue Bloods. Howard said he still claims he's not gay. Erik said he's not gay. Howard said he's going to give Chris a ring today. Erik said he wants Chris to see it. He wants to propose to him.
Howard asked what he paid for the ring. Erik said it was $25. He whispered that to Howard.
Howard said Erik wants to blow Chris and he wants Chris to blow him. Erik said he loves Chris. Howard asked Erik how this isn't gay. Erik said he doesn't think it is. Howard asked if he knows what gay means. Erik said he wants to have a Menage a trois with Chris and Donnie. Howard asked what would happen if he could. Erik described the scene if they were in the shower together. Howard asked if he feels anything in that scenario is gay. Erik said no. He said gay is when you're happy with someone.
Howard asked if he loves Donnie and Chris. Erik said he loves them both. He said he just wants to be with those two. He asked if this is a gay fantasy. Erik said yes. He said it is gay.
Howard said he heard that he's been threatening to kill himself a lot. Erik said not lately. Howard said 7 months ago he sent his podcast partner a knife picture and said he as going to kill himself. Erik said he's not depressed now. He said that was a while ago.
Shuli said he gets this to get attention. He said if someone doesn't return his texts he'll do that. Shuli said that woman Jolie had to block him because he threatened to hurt himself. Erik said he's not blocked anymore.
Howard said Erik wants Chris to discover his penis. He asked why. Erik said he wants him to find it. Howard said he wants Chris to touch him. Erik said no one else will do it.
Howard asked if he might cum on Chris' face. Erik said maybe on his hands. Howard said he can't have that. He asked if he can control it. Erik said he hopes so.
Howard asked how long he is when he's hard. Erik said maybe 6-7 inches. Fred said bullshit. Shuli said he took his underwear off and he saw his ballsack. He said it's just a ball of flesh down there. Howard said he's going to take a break and then get Chris in there. Howard asked why he didn't shave his bush. Erik said he can't do it on his own. He said he has to use an iPad to look down there and shave it.
Howard asked Erik how he showers and gets into the folds. Erik described how he does it with the shower hose. Howard asked if he showered today. Erik said he did. He said he just got a bidet toilet. Howard said good.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed Erik hit his car. The caller, Oscar, said he tried to get his information and he told him not to worry about getting his car fixed. He said they've been giving him the runaround for 2 weeks now. He asked if he's going to fix his car or not. Erik said Troy said he would call him and let him know when he brings it in. Oscar said they're giving him the runaround and nothing has happened. He said he's going to have to go to the insurance company if they don't do something.
Shuli said his insurance has to be really high. Erik said he'll call Troy later. Howard said it sounds like it can be easily worked out. Erik told Shuli to get that guy's number. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said they're going to bring in Chris now. He said he and Erik were bonding during the break except when he kept asking him to meet his friend the cop. Howard asked if he's attracted to that guy. Erik said he loves him so much. He said he knows he loves him and his wife too. Shuli said he told him that he got a boner when he hugged his wife. Erik said he did. He said he'd love to have a threesome with them. He said he'd do so many things to him. He was talking about kissing this guy in the shower.
Howard had the guys bring in Erik's friend Officer Mike. Howard asked if he knew Erik was attracted to him. Mike said he had no clue. He said Erik always has a guy first in his menage a trois fantasies.
Howard asked Erik what his fantasy is with Mike. It was in the shower again. He described that for a few seconds but Shuli said Erik has no idea how this works.
Mike said Erik isn't getting anywhere near him anymore. He said he won't take him to any conventions again. He said he would bring him to fund raisers and let him bring his rubber gun. He said it takes a while for them to figure out that he's not a cop.
Erik said Mike has a charity called Brothers before Others. He said they help out with cops who are killed in the line of duty. Shuli said the knife Erik threatened to kill himself with was a knife from the charity. He said Mike asked him to please use a different knife.
Howard asked why Erik threatens to kill himself. Erik said he gets depressed. Howard asked why he does it. Erik said sometimes he's upset. Mike said he'll ask him to buy him two futons out of the blue. He said it's always in excess. Mike said he asked him for a puppy. Howard said if he ever gets a pet he's banned from the show.
Erik was thanking people for helping to get him his truck. He thanked Troy and Mike. Mike said Erik wrote down that he was a retired, disabled cop at the car dealer. He said that the $500 discount comes out of their pocket because of that. Erik said he didn't say he was a retired cop. He said he's an actor. Mike said he wrote that down on the application.
Howard asked if he has ever seen Mike nude. Erik said no. Erik said they donated a car to the daughter of a cop who was killed in Jersey City. Howard said Erik is not a policeman. Mike said he has a nice light package on his truck. Erik said he took them out. Mike said he introduced him to the chief of police and he showed up at the precinct like he was stalking him.
Howard asked if Mike was a first responder at ground zero on 9/11. Mike said he was not. He said in 1993 he was one of the first in and one of the last to leave after the truck bomb. Shuli said the guy is a hero.
Howard let Mike go and said they're going to go find Erik's penis. Howard said they do a podcast called Between Two Blue Balls.
Howard had Chris come in. He was dressed in some kind of HazMat suit. He was showing skin though. They had to swap out his microphone because it was malfunctioning.
Erik was happy to see Chris showing so much skin. Howard had Erik take off his robe so Chris could go in there and search for his penis.
Howard asked when Chris last had sex. Chris said it's been a while. He said he's going through a dry spell. Erik asked why he's not with him. Chris said he's not his type. He said it's nothing against him. He said maybe when he sees his penis that will change.
Howard described the scene and said that Chris is looking at Erik naked. Chris said that his folds are covering him up. He went in to lift that fold up to find his penis. He went through the pubes and took the thong and moved it.
Chris let out an ''Oh my god!'' He said something flopped out. He said it really is inverted. Erik said he's not sure what he's looking at. Chris said this is incredible. Fred was playing the Jurassic Park theme while this was going on.
Chris said the head of his cock looks like it's imploded inside the shaft. Chris wanted to move things around to see the head of his cock. He did his thing and put his fingers on it. Howard said just find it already. Chris found his cock.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said she can't watch. Howard asked if Erik liked that. Erik said he did. Chris said it's almost a foreskin down there. Howard said he might be getting aroused. Chris said he has big balls. Erik said he is aroused a little bit.
Howard said he's hardly 6 inches. Chris said he has a measuring tape. He said he's going to measure from the base. Chris said it's just shy of 2 1/2 inches. Erik said he's erect so that's it. Howard asked if he's fully erect. Erik said he is. Chris said he has huge balls.
Howard said Erik is erect now. Erik said he is. Howard had him show it to Robin. Robin said it's hysterical. She was giggling and laughing. Howard said Erik found his love match. He said Chris found his cock. Chris said he would.
Erik asked Chris to stay there because he has something for him. He wanted Chris to go down on his knee. Shuli told him he has to be on his knee. Erik said it's hard to do that. He sat on the couch instead.
Erik said he knows he wants to stay in the United States and not be deported back to Canada. He said he is so in love with him. He said he bought him something. He showed him the ring. Chris asked why he's kneeling and Erik isn't. Erik said it's hard for him to move.
Erik asked Chris to marry him. Chris said it's 100 times too big for his finger. Howard said he'll have to get it resized. Erik asked Chris to take this ring and marry him. Chris said the answer is no. He said the other guy was in there and Erik was all over him. He said he likes Donnie too. Chris asked about Stamos. Erik said fuck Stamos. They asked about Mike Woods the weather guy. Erik said he's always on vacation.
Chris said he doesn't have feelings for Erik so he can't marry him. He said he also feels Erik is a gay man but he can't lead that authentic gay life. Erik said he does lead a true life. Chris asked if he would say he was gay if they were married. Erik said he would if he married him. Chris asked him to say it now. Erik wasn't saying it.
After some discussion Chris agreed to go on a date with Erik to Shuli's comedy show on Friday. Chris said he's not his type though so he hates to break his heart.
Erik said he has to take that ring back. Chris said he doesn't feel like he was very serious when he heard he only spent $25 on the ring.
Howard said he feels bad that things didn't work out. He said he's happy that Chris found his penis. Howard asked if Chris really wants to go on that date. Chris said he'll do that.
Howard took a call from fake Donald Trump who called in to talk about the penis search. He said he heard that the penis is as small as mini Mike Bloomberg. He told Chris to come to the White House so they can find the whistle blower and the other leakers.
Howard said that must sum it up. Robin said she's not sure they can get more out of this.
Howard said they are going on a date on Friday. Chris said he's not sure he wants to be in a car with him. Erik asked him to do dinner and a show. Chris said he'll think about it.
Chris told Erik that he has a guy coming into town on Saturday so this may not work out. Erik said he can get him home in time. Gary asked if Chris is going to hook up with that guy. Chris said he probably will. He said the guy has a 9 inch penis. He said this is the guy he threw his neck out to.
Chris said he has fondness for Erik. He said there's something innocent about him. Shuli asked if there is anything he could do to change that. Chris said if his brain got scrambled in a car accident maybe. Erik said that's what seatbelts are for.
Howard asked Erik to sum it all up for Chris. Erik said it would mean the world to him if he came on this date with him. He said he'll get him home on Saturday morning. Chris said he'll do his best.
Chris asked Erik what he thinks he should be interested in. Erik said a few words about himself. He asked for a date on Sunday. Chris said it's hard because it's a work night. Erik said maybe during the day. Chris said maybe. He said the comedy show might be too much on Friday. Erik said maybe lunch on Sunday afternoon. Howard said Chris might be icing down his ass on Sunday. Chris said not with this guy. He said he did throw out his neck last time.
Erik was getting upset about Chris not wanting to date him. Chris said he wasn't making him feel very good talking about that other guy and how he wanted to be with him. Chris said he's trying to be honest. Erik and Chris agreed they may go out next week if not this weekend.
Howard took some calls. One caller said that he usually doesn't like the gay stuff but he's falling for Chris. He said he hits it out of the park every time.
Mariann from Brooklyn went off on Chris for turning Erik down. Another caller said this is like a gay Groundhog day. Howard said he's sure they haven't heard the end of this.
Another caller, Rusty, said this guy Mike should be ashamed of himself for bringing this guy around claiming he's disabled and trying to get benefits from it. Howard had Mike back in to defend himself. Mike and the caller went at each other a little bit. Mike threatened to knock his teeth out if he shows up down there.
Howard said he hates to see officers fighting. Rusty said it's all good. Mike said they have a boxing match coming up. He said he might be able to find someone to knock his ass out.
Mike told a story about a cop who let a round off in a locker room and it went through the lockers and messed up a jacket. He said one guy threatened to tell the boss about it and he ended up getting into a fight with that guy for being a rat.
Howard said all of these guys are fighting over Erik. Erik said cops are like brothers and back each other up.
Another caller asked what's up with all of this gay shit. Howard said love is love. He said they wanted to do this so they let it happen. Robin said they're trying to let Erik discover his sexuality. Erik said love is up in the air and asked if he's ever heard that term.
A caller said Fred is doing a great job with the music and stuff in the background. Fred said he can't take credit for all of that. He said other people on the staff came up with that.
Howard took a call from fake Arnold Schwarzenegger who said he can't cum during this segment. He asked Robin to say something so he can cum. Robin said something and Arnold was able to do his thing.
Mike from Maine called in and said Chris is great for doing this. He said Mike shouldn't be backing Erik up on tickets and stuff like that. Shuli said a cop got Erik doing 90 on the Tappan Zee bridge and let him go just because of who he is. Mike isn't the only one doing it.
Before they went to break Erik gave Chris the ring and asked him out on a date again. They may go out next week. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard read through some show feedback. He read about the Jimmy Kimmel at the Kobe Bryant tribute. Howard said Jimmy wrote him and said he would have plenty of tears left for him at his funeral.
Howard read an email from a guy who said he used to like Jimmy but he feels like he's fake with all of this crying for people he doesn't really know.
Howard read an email from someone who said Jimmy was crying on the show ''Finding your roots'' and he has to try to cut back on that.
Fred said Howard almost cried when Robin had her difficulties. Howard said he did cry but that was off the air. He said he and a friend were crying so hard they couldn't talk. Howard said there won't be any crying over Gary. Fred said he might. He said he's pretty sure he would.
Fred played a John Goodman drop and Howard said that guy is so good. He said he's really skinny now. Howard said John came up to him in the lobby and he didn't recognize him because he's so skinny.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel makes fun of him for wanting to live forever. He said he went back to him and said he just wants to feel good inside with the time he has left.
Howard read an email from a fan who said that Kobe was on Jimmy's show a bunch. He said that he'd have to think about one of his frequent guests dying. Howard said he's not sure he'd cry over a guest dying.
Robin said Howard holds it together pretty well. She said Jimmy takes it too far. They played a ''Crying'' song parody with clips of Kimmel crying over a bunch of things. Howard played some audio of Jimmy crying at the Kobe tribute.
Howard said he talked about what he wants to happen when he dies. He said fans had some questions for him. Howard said someone asked if he will be entombed without being embalmed. Howard said he doesn't want to be embalmed. He went through some other questions about that like if Beth will be buried with him or her next husband. Howard asked Gary to call Beth so he can ask her one question.
Howard read some feedback about the Chris Wilding and High Pitch Erik preview from yesterday. He said he thinks that it paid off today.
Howard said everyone loves Sal's dad. He said they get a lot of positive feedback about that Greta Thunberg prank call. He said it may go down as one of the greatest of all time. He read some comments about that.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that's the greatest question he's ever heard about Beth. Howard said he'll let him hear the answer. He put him on hold.
Howard said Beth hasn't texted Gary back yet. He said he'll take a break and get to that or to news. They went to break after that.
Beth said this had better be good. She said she's feeding everyone. Howard said she's talking about the cats.
Howard told Beth what the question was about and how she wants to be cremated and he doesn't but that's fine. He said a listener asked what will happen if Beth remarries when he dies. He asked if she'll be buried with her new husband or with him. Beth said he doesn't ever see herself finding the kind of love she has with Howard. She said she only wants to be with him for eternity. Howard said that's a perfect answer.
Howard said there's no one he wants in his mausoleum more than Beth. He said he's even putting a chair in there so she can come visit him when she has problems. He said he recognizes that she's a beautiful woman and she has needs once he's gone. He said something could happen. Beth said she wants to be with Howard, always. Howard said her crispy remains will be in there with him.
Beth asked what Howard would do if things were reversed. Howard said he's done. He said he's not marrying anyone else. He said it's going to be him and Beth. He said she's his best friend. He said she will be locked in eternity together.
Howard said someone said they should have her between his legs. Beth said she'd rather have her ashes spread on his heart. Howard said that's good.
Robin said she has a friend whose husband died and she still has pictures of him up even with her new husband. Howard said if Beth remarries that guy will have many pictures of him to deal with.
Howard said he wants Beth to be with him for eternity. Beth said she will be. She said she's not getting any younger. She said they will be together for many more years. She said he's the only one who thinks of her as being hot. Howard said she just put out a bikini picture and there were many people who said she was hot. Beth said Howard knows her angles.
Howard asked Beth about having sex the other night. Beth said he was very energetic. She said she thinks it has to do with him working out. Howard said he was thrusting vigorously. He said she nicknamed him the jackhammer. Beth said she did not. Howard said if you want to see them on social media go to her Instagram.
Beth told Howard about some cats that were dumped on a park bench yesterday getting drenched in the rain. She said someone rescued them and she's picking them up tomorrow. She said it's so hard day in and day out. She said she's so upset with people.
Howard said Beth goes on Instagram and finds out one horrible story after another. He said so many people are fucked up. He said a cat is a family member. He said they call Beth asking her to take them in when they want to get rid of them. He said people are just shits.
Beth said another one she got was about a blind cat that was tied in a plastic bag and found in a garbage chute. She said it's all so sad. She said it's too much. Howard said Beth will find out about a case and call the shelter. She said they get angry with her when she wants to take them in. Beth said she's dealing with one who won't let her take one who she has an adopter for. She said she doesn't know why.
Howard said Beth has devoted her life to this and she screens everyone. Beth said she's going to be with him forever. Howard got King of All Blacks on the line and King said she gave the perfect answer and he believes her. He said he does believe he loves her more than she loves Howard. Howard said he has been thinking that too. He said he confronted her the other day about that. King said he can just hear it in her voice. He said it's no slight against her. He said Howard puts it all in for her but she might leave something out. Howard said he was more romantic than her on Valentine's day. He said he did a bunch of things for her and she laughed at him.
King said women don't like all of that. He said it's too much. Howard said he wanted to show how much he loves her. He said he thinks she had to run out and get a card at the last minute. Beth thanked him for all of that.
Howard said he was upset that they didn't make love that night. Beth said he's very into that on all holidays. She said she should have realized that. King said she's saying that he wants to do things on holidays but she isn't into that. King said she's saying she doesn't want to be forced to do that stuff. Howard let King go and gave some plugs for Beth's Instagram which is @BethOStern
Howard sang ''Close To You'' to Beth. He tried to get her to sing but she just said no. Howard let her go and moved on to news.
Jim from Raleigh called in and asked if Robin wants to be buried with Howard. Robin said no. She said she could care less about what happens with her remains. She said she knows she won't be in there. She said she really doesn't care. She said she knows she can talk to Howard in her mind. Howard said he's going to bury her with Fred for eternity instead. Fred said he's being cremated as well. He said he wants to be buried in the ocean.
Howard asked Robin if she wants to be interred with him. Robin said she won't be with him even in a coffin. She said she's not there. Howard said she should have jumped at that chance. Robin said she's always with him. Howard said she is not. He said he should have asked Beth if she has a problem with that. Robin said she used to laugh about someone who worked there who would visit his dad's grave. She said they're not there.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he would jump in the box with Howard. Robin asked about his family. Howard said fuck 'em. Bobo said he has a mausoleum he bought about 20 years ago at the Holy Rood cemetery on Long Island. Howard said that's awesome. Bobo said he doesn't want to be underground. He said he got a double drawer at this place. Howard asked what he paid for that. Bobo said he thinks it was about 15K 20 years ago. He said he bought it outright. Howard let Bobo go and did a live commercial read.
Robin started her news with a story about Bob Iger stepping down as the CEO of Disney. Howard said the stock dropped by 2.5 percent within hours of the announcement so that shows he was good.
Howard said Bernie Sanders is joining them for the news. He had fake Bernie come in. He spent a little time talking to Bernie.
A caller said Howard should be ashamed of himself for calling Bernie names the other day. Howard and the caller talked about Bernie and Bloomberg for a short time. Howard said he can't talk politics right now. He had Robin get back to news.
Robin read a story about Swiss Miss teaming up with Lucky Charms cereal for a new variety box.
Robin read a story about mayonnaise that you can slice instead of it coming out of a bottle. Robin said Heinz has mayo and Sriracha in a bottle too.
Robin read a story about a woman who claims that a game of hide and seek went wrong and she's being charged with murder. Robin said the woman was arrested when her boyfriend got inside a suitcase and suffocated. Robin said the woman claims they were both drinking and she passed out. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard and Robin spent a little more time talking to fake Bernie about the upcoming primaries.
Robin read a story about the FCC logging 1300 complaints about the Super Bowl halftime show this year. Robin said people were upset most with Shakira's twerking and J-Lo's stripper pole dance.
Robin read a story about a 6 year old girl getting arrested in school. She had audio of her being arrested after she kicked a police officer who was in the school. Howard asked what's going on there. Robin said she's not sure. Fred said she kicked 3 adults at the school. Robin said they called the police after that. Robin said the officer was fired and the parents are very upset about the treatment of their daughter. Howard asked why the school didn't just call the parents and have them pick her up.
Robin read a story about a California mom who will be spending time in jail for the college admission scandal. Robin said this woman is the heir of the Hot Pockets fortune. Robin had some details about how she bribed someone to get her kids into a college.
Robin read a story about Coronavirus and health specialists are warning people to get ready for it to start spreading. Robin said Amy Klobuchar is saying that everyone should go to Healthcare.gov to prepare. Robin said stock markets around the world taking a hit because of this Coronavirus.
Robin said President Trump says the problem is going to go away. She said that he spoke with reporters in New Delhi about that.
Robin read a story about Rush Limbaugh announcing he has stage 4 lung cancer and he got the Congressional Medal of Freedom from President Trump. Howard said if he was supporting the guy he'd probably be getting things like that too. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about last night's democratic debate and said Joe Biden was saying he thinks he'll win this weekend. Robin had some audio of Biden and Klobuchar arguing about who wrote a bill that was passed. Robin had some other clips for Howard to play.
Robin read about how there are still music festivals going on despite the Coronavirus.
Robin read a story about B. Smith passing away at the age of 70. Robin had some audio of her talking about dealing with Alzheimer's when she was first diagnosed. Howard said he read about her in the NY Times and she was a fascinating woman. Robin spent a little time talking about how inspiring she was.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.