Howard started the show talking about how this is a big holiday week. Robin said she's glad they don't get into it until mid-December. She said this music would be tired already if they did. Howard said they wait until the last week before they got into their vacation.
Howard asked where his music is. Robin said they were so late getting on grey missed it. Howard said he's so jolly this morning. Robin said that's unusual for him. Howard said he was up at 3:30 in the morning so he's really the opposite of jolly. He said grey were all aglow with an advance copy of this week's Bachelor. He said it's 2 part and 4 hours. He said he and Beth think it's the best TV show on television. He said it's even better than the Crown. He said Tayshia is the best Bachelorette they've ever had. He said she came in at the last minute and took over because she other one fell in love too quick.
Howard said every guy this woman falls for has the worst history in the world. He said the guys will open up to her and tell her these horrible things about their lives. He said these are the people who she's choosing. He said she was making out with the guys after they open up about these horrible things.
Howard said another guy said he tried to kill himself a couple of times. He said he wondered if he got any help. Robin said it's a big deal when you open up on that show. She said the reward is to get to make out with her. Howard said he's not sure how these guys get time off from their jobs to date. He said any guy on that show is a loser in that sense. He said they're on a TV show dating instead of working.
Robin said there's a guy on there who is a lawyer but his biceps are huge. She asked when he has time to work out. Howard said you don't want a lawyer who looks like that.
Howard said he's not saying that a guy who tried to kill himself can't make a great husband. He said maybe he worked things out.
Howard said all of these guys don't have any personality. He said this Tayshia has a body that's so fucking wild. He said she's a living Barbie doll. He said she doesn't have an ounce of fat on her. He said he and his wife have talked about how her boobs have to be fake because she loves not wearing a bra and wears tittie outfits. He said she wears them to a funeral. He said her titties are ever present and she dresses really well. He said she never wears a bra and they're too big for her body. He said they have to be fake.
Howard said the one guy who is a lawyer is being interviewed and said ''he axed her a question.'' He said he's a lawyer. He said he'd be out of there.
Howard said Tayshia's titties can't be real. He said they're big and up straight. He said they can't be that big and be that perfect. Robin said she's sure there is a girl somewhere on earth like that. She said it's not on The Bachelor though.
Howard said no one on that show has a job. He said one guy just got out of the military. He said another guy is a roofer. He said he must be able to make money but he's on The Bachelor not making any money.
Robin said there's one guy who says he went to Harvard but he doesn't know anything. Howard said grey should look into his background. Howard said maybe he said he went to Hartford. He said he says that when people ask him where he went. Howard said that guy is a douche but most of them are which makes the show great.
Howard said he and Beth spent 4 hours watching the finale. He said there's a lot going on but he won't ruin it for anyone. Robin said he could be like Chris and talk about how shocking everything is.
Howard said every guy falls in love with Tayshia on this show. He said it is the most dramatic season of the show ever.
Fred played some Charley Pride music. Howard said he's sure a lot of these crackers were like ''Whoa'' when they heard this guy was a black guy and they liked his music.
Howard said it's pretty impressive that this guy did what he did. Robin said a lot of people were shocked. Howard said some white people had him tested to make sure he was actually black.
Howard said a lot of people must have told him this was a big mistake but he kept going. Howard said this guy was a pioneer. He said you might even say he was crazy. He said he picked a tough career. He said it would be like Gary the Conqueror trying to get into NASA. He said it's a black man going into country music back in the day. He said that was like 40-50 years ago. Robin said it was in the 70s and 80s. Howard said that's like 40 years ago.
Howard said Charley bought his first guitar with money he made from picking cotton. He said what an amazing guy he was. He said he was always pulling for him. Robin said she was always pulling for him. Fred played more of his music.
Robin said he sang it like a country singer and no one called it cultural appropriation. She said that he was a professional baseball player. Gary said he tried out for the Angels and Mets but never got a job. Howard said he was a part owner in the Texas Rangers baseball team. He said that's pretty impressive too.
Howard said that Maren Morris wrote a tweet about how he died from COVID and he may have gotten it at the Country Music Awards. He said she deleted it since though. Robin said she saw him on this CMA tribute they did for him. Robin said he was on the show and sang and thanked everyone for supporting him. Howard said he didn't get the secret cure that Trump got. He said Rudy got it too. He said that Governor Christie got it too. He said Rudy just said he got it so he knows he got the same thing. He said that Chris Christie said he got it too. He said he doesn't think Trump would have survived without it. Robin said he could have gotten really sick. Howard said come on. He said you know what's going on. He said you know the song ''I ain't no fortunate son.'' He said these guys are all getting the cure but Charley Pride isn't.
Howard said he was watching Saturday Night Live and worrying about Bruce Springsteen and his wife up there without masks on. He said he's not sure what he's doing with the whole band up there. He said everyone was hugging at the end of the show and Bruce was shaking hands. He said he's not sure how they're doing this. Robin said she has a friend who works these productions and they do an incredible amount to testing. Howard said so what. Robin said you're supposed to be very careful. Robin said on The Bachelorette they kiss each other. Howard said they've been quarantined and they're in there together and not going out. He said Bruce isn't quarantining at 30 Rock. Robin said the whole crew is tested again and again. Howard said then grey go home to their lives and families. He said come on. Robin said she's just telling him what they're doing. She said it's not fool proof.
Howard asked why an 87 year old man like Charley Pride would go to the Country Music Awards. He said that he's not sure who else he was hanging out with or near but come on.
Howard said if he were Charley Pride he'd do that over Zoom. He said he's not going to some dumb award show for that. He said this guy had a bunch of number 1 hits and he beat the odds. He said he beat the musical odds. He said he didn't need to go to the award show. Robin said it wasn't outdoors and that's why Maren said what she said. Howard said it's crazy what people are doing. He said he's not sure what people are up to.
Howard said he's not sure how Charley got COVID but he got it. Robin said he wasn't completely isolated. Howard said if he were 87 he'd be in a space suit. Robin said there was no good reason for going there. Howard said now he has a country music award. Robin said he already had some.
Howard said Bruce Springsteen sounds great. He said he did 2 new songs on Saturday Night Live. He said he wondered why he needed to be there though. He said that no one was wearing a mask. Fred played a clip of one of the songs Bruce did on Saturday Night Live. Howard said listen to this, it sounds so good.
Howard said it was really good and he was wondering why he was risking his life. Robin said she's sure that he thought he was safe doing it. Howard said they say that everyone on the CMAs were tested and followed strict rules. Howard said that's great. He said that he didn't need to go there. Robin said just stay home and you don't need any of those tests.
Howard said he's not sure how they pull off Saturday Night Live. He said they're all on top of each other. Robin said she's not sure why grey have to wear masks when they're on camera at the end of the show. Howard said Bruce was shaking hands with people. He said people think that they can wear a mask and then take it off. He said that's why people are getting COVID.
Howard said Jay Clemons is the nephew of Clarence. Howard said they say that they have rapid tests for everyone over at Saturday Night Live and they have limited audiences. Howard said that doesn't matter.
Howard said he was going to go out and photograph some things. He thought about it and didn't go because he didn't want to break down and get exposed somehow. Robin asked if he has PPE in his car. Howard said no but he could put it in there. Robin said her car is fully equipped. She said she has everything she needs in there.
Howard said he's not sure why Charley Pride wasn't wearing all of that stuff. He said that this baseball player just keeled over from it. Robin said a football player collapsed after coming out of a huddle. She said this could be from him having COVID before.
Howard said Gary was really worked up about this. Gary said Mr. Skin called it the biggest scene of the year. He said he gets 3 or 4 emails a week from Mr. Skin. He said he has lists that they send out for the holidays and things like that. He said this one was a special news alert. He said this was two a-list actors doing a sex scene together.
Robin said that movie isn't even out yet. Gary said Mr. Skin gets copies of it somehow and it's like promotion for the movie. Howard said he didn't give a shit about watching those two. Gary said he was surprised that grey would do it. Howard said it's an artistic thing. He said that's why they did it. He said it was kind of not hot lesbian sex.
Robin said maybe it was out of context and that's why it wasn't that hot. Gary said there's another one where they're not in bed and Kate is going to go down on Saoirse and there's a lot of work involved. He said they have to get undressed and there's a lot of clothes to take off.
Howard said he's thinking about the wafting odor of the women who didn't bathe in a while. Howard said the movie is called ''Ammonite'' and it's available streaming now.
Howard said he has to have a look. He said that he would cut his own hair if he looked better. He said guys like Adam Levine can do things with their hair. He said he walks in each time with a different hair cut. He said he had his head shaved last time. He said girls love him because he's gorgeous. Howard said when he read that about George Clooney he was like ''Of course he does.'' He said he has known really ugly guys who lost their hair and it makes it worse. He said that some guys get a really short hair cut and you wonder why they would do that. He said there were several years when he would wear a wig over his face like Sia does. He said you'd only see his chin. He said he was a man of mystery.
Howard said Sia is really into that wig thing. He said whenever she performs he has to turn of the TV because he can't see her. He said he loves watching a singer sing. He said Sia is a good looking woman. He said that she was in there and sang and she looked great.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call to play. He said they called a right wing radio show. He said they talked to him about Coronavirus restrictions. He said this guy had someone agreeing with him up until a point. He played the call and Chris Wilding called in as a guy who was upset about the restrictions. The host agreed and Chris said he wanted the government out of his life and what he wanted was to gather around the table and introduce them to his new boyfriend Dan. Then the host turned on him and wanted to hang up on him. Chris asked if he agreed with him. The host said not really. Chris threw out that his boyfriend is trans and still has a vagina so if he gets pregnant he doesn't want the government getting involved if he has to get an abortion. The host didn't agree with that either. The host eventually hung up and said that was an interesting person. The host said that he is not his fellow American.
Howard took a call from PaulBobo who got his name when Bobo lost his name and Paul called in. Paul said that Howard is doing everything right and everyone else is doing everything wrong. Paul said he's getting his vaccine this week. He said the testing is a crap shoot. He said that Bruce and Steven Van Zandt were sharing the microphone together. Howard said that he was only comfortable when he and his wife shared it. He said he's not sure why people are doing these risky things. He said we have to set an example. He said this virus is taking thousands of lives a day. He said he was kind of alarmed when he saw it. Robin said people aren't smart.
Robin asked Paul how he's getting the vaccine so early. Paul said that he's a doctor. He said that the front line workers are getting it first. Paul suggested that Beth should get him some night vision goggles to see Beth while the lights are out in the room when they have sex. Howard said that's a great idea PaulBobo. Paul said he was going to send him one but he didn't think he would open it if it came from a fan.
Howard said he can do fan feedback or get to Ronnie and his dildo review. Robin said she's looking forward to hear the Ronnie thing. Howard said he'll take a break and get to that then. He got in a plug for Casper Mattresses. Howard said he likes Robin's new set there too. Howard said she had the worst background before. He said it was a curtain. Robin said she didn't arrange her room for background. Howard said he gets it. He asked if they can help her out so they designed a set for her. He said the only criticism he has is the plugs he can see on his screen. Robin said they have to adjust the camera then.
Howard asked if those are real plants behind her. Robin said not at all. She said she's not going to water plants. Howard said they make fake trees and plants that look so real. He said he hates when real plants die. He said that he has had a lot of fake stuff and they look 100 percent legit. Robin said someone left a real plant in her house and she thought it was fake so she never watered it and it died.
Howard said they have a display cabinet behind her too. He said they have a bowl in there. He asked what that is. Robin said it's just here because it looks good. Howard said he thinks Robin's book and his book are in there. Robin said it is her's and his books. Howard asked Robin what something else was over there. Robin said it's a cat. Howard said it does look kind of like a cat.
Howard asked Robin if she still has her dildo collection. Robin said not at all. She said she's not doing that anymore. Howard said Beth claims she doesn't masturbate either. He said she says she never does it. He said she claims she would tell him if she were. Howard said she just waits for him to climb on top of her. He said she knows he masturbates but he denies that he does. He said he just says it for the air.
Howard asked Robin if she ever touches herself. Robin said she can think about things and get off on that. Howard said come on. He said he can't do that. Robin said some people can do that. Howard said Robin thinks about things and can orgasm. She said yeah. Hard said he doesn't believe it. Robin said people can have sex with their brain. Robin said she's not sure what's going on down there after all the surgery she's had.
Howard asked Robin who she can look at and get off on. Robin said Emmanuel Macron is one. She said that Alex Pettyfer is actually the guy she can just look at. She said he's coming out in a new movie and he shows up on screen and she's like ''Oh god, he's here.'' Howard said he remembers there was a time that Robin got off on George H. Bush. Robin said she never got off on him. She said she just said that he was a charming man.
Howard said Robin is busy over there on her new set. Howard asked where she saw this guy first. Robin said it was a movie about these kids who had special abilities. She said it had the number 4 in it. She said she must have watched it 500 times. He said then they did a remake of that Brooke Shields movie and then Magic Mike. Howard said she hasn't missed one thing. Robin said she watched him as a kid and she had to stop because she was having feelings for this young boy. Howard said he was born in 1990. He said she was already at K-Rock by then.
Howard said this guy Alex just married a model in October. Robin said she knows that. Howard took a call from fake Alex whose phone was cutting out. Howard said maybe have someone else do the impression. Fake Alex kept going and said he's going to come over and ravish Robin with his 9 inch penis. His phone was still cutting out so Howard hung up.
Howard said Alex started modeling at 7 years old. He read some other details about him and then took another call from another fake Alex. Fake Alex said he would never speak to Robin the way the other one did. Robin said their voices are way off of the real guy.
Howard asked fake Alex some questions and they didn't go anywhere. Fake Alex slapped his penis on the phone for Robin. Robin just laughed. Howard said she's sitting on her foot which is a good indication that she likes him. Fake Alex slapped his dick on his phone again. He said she's squirting from her nose. Howard said she just squirted all over her new set they just built.
Howard said now he has the real Alex on the phone. He took a call from another fake Alex who didn't sound anything like the real guy. This time it was JD who couldn't help but laugh. He was cracking up but Howard told him to just do the impression. JD just started talking without the accent. Then he started cracking himself up again. Howard told him to do an English accent and pretend to be Alex Pettyfer. JD tried to do it but kept cracking up.
Robin said that Channing Tatum was in there and she asked why Alex wasn't in the sequel. JD tried to do more of the impression of Alex. He wasn't even trying the accent anymore. JD said he's hanging up now. Howard said that was Rich Little Talent.
Howard did his Casper Mattress commercial and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along to the OneRepublic song that was playing. He said he's glad that they weren't rock stars because they'd have to stay home and not tour. Robin said there is a new way they're working on to bring concerts to your home via streaming. She said they will be able to take selfies with you too. Howard wondered how that's going to work. Robin didn't know the details.
Howard said they have a Ronnie's Sex Toy review but there's a twist to this. He said Ronnie can't hear them right now. He said they asked him to put two life like dildos in his ass. He said Ronnie is in a room where he can't hear the show. He said he thinks they're new Fleshlight dildos but they're going to reveal to him that they were exact replicas of Sal and Richard's cocks. He said they're going to hear which one he prefers. He said they sent pictures of Richard and Sal's cocks to Fleshlight and they took measurements to get them just right. He said they have every detail. He said Ronnie has no idea. He said for reference cock 1 is Richard and cock 2 is Sal.
Howard said they put so many resources into this cock thing that they delayed the Coronavirus vaccine. Howard said that Richard's cock has a big, thick head on it. He said Robin has seen it. Robin said it's a mushroom head. Howard said Sal's had drippy foreskin on it. Robin asked how either of them could have won.
Howard asked Robin which one she thinks will win. Robin said she thinks Richard's will win. Howard said this is so gross. He said now that they know what's going on they're going to bring Ronnie on.
Howard asked Ronnie to come on. Ronnie was there with the two dildos. they had a song parody to introduce the bit. Howard said people are still shocked that he likes putting things up his ass. Ronnie said it's not all the time. He said he started off with little things and not cocks. Howard said he described one experience where a woman put a strap-on on and fucked him in the ass. Ronnie said he and Stephanie did that. Howard said he thought he did it with other women. Ronnie said ''no, no... get it right.''
Ronnie said he wanted to try it out and see how it would work. He said these things look so real. He said just check out the detail on these things. Howard said they're so realistic. He said they have veins and stuff. Ronnie said number 1 has a piss hole. He said this is the circumcised one. He said the piss hole is so real looking. He said it's all so real looking. He said the only thing that's not real looking is the balls. He said it's just one giant ball.
Howard asked if it was weird going through this. Ronnie said it was kind of freaking him out. He said this one has a giant mushroom head on it. He said it looks so real that it kind of freaked him out. Howard said he has a circumcised one and one that's uncircumcised. He asked how he got into the mood and did he use them on different nights.
Ronnie said he used them on different nights. He said number 1 freaked him out. He said he told Stephanie what was going on and they got into bed that night and he brought both into bed. He said they took number 1 and lubed it up. He said Stephanie asked if he really wanted to do it because it was kind of big. Howard said it does look kind of big. Ronnie said it has a big head on it. Howard asked if it makes it feel gayer doing it when it looks so real. Ronnie said it did kind of freak him out. He said he tried it out and got on the bed. He said they tried to put it in but it was too much. He said he got up on all fours and she was standing on the floor. He said she was trying to put this thing in and it didn't go in. He said the head thing hurt so fucking bad. Howard asked how much he got in there. Ronnie said maybe half of the head. He said he could see it in a mirror in the room when Stephanie was trying to put it in. He said that freaked him out too. He said this big head was too much for his asshole. He said it didn't work out too well for him.
Howard asked if he was hard the whole time. Ronnie said he was turned on by doing this crazy thing. He said that Stephanie is always into this. He said that she gets turned on a lot of the times doing this stuff. He said they use other toys that go into his ass and that gets her off a little bit.
Howard said it sounds to him like this cock was big and thick and it must have been modeled by someone's cock. Ronnie said it looks so real. Ronnie said when they did the strap-on thing it didn't look like a cock. He said this looks like a real cock. He said he got a little bit in there and had to stop.
Howard asked when he did the second cock. Ronnie said he did the first one on Friday. He said the second one was Saturday. He said that was very detailed too. He said it was also the same shit with the one ball. He said that's weird. Howard said the whole thing is weird. Ronnie said it's also called fun too.
Howard asked how much fun he had with the uncircumcised cock. Ronnie said he did the whole thing with Sal about the review and told him how good it looks. He said Sal's is so fucked up compared to this thing. He said this one was so perfect compared to Sal's. He said he has that skin hanging down. He said this one is perfect. Howard said maybe if Sal got hard he'd have a nice cock too. Ronnie said he doesn't think so. He said he has way too much skin there.
Howard said Ronnie told Sal that this put his cock to shame. Ronnie said for sure it did. Howard asked if this one was better. Ronnie said this one was in proportion. He said it's slim and it doesn't have the bulge at the top. He said that one they had a pretty good time with. Howard asked how big it is. Ronnie said it's probably 5-6 inches. Howard asked how many inches he got in there. Ronnie said maybe halfway in. Howard asked if he orgasmed with it in his ass. Ronnie said no but with this one he got the movement in and out. He said he wasn't able to get the other one in there.
Howard asked if he would say this one was the best size for his asshole. Ronnie said he'd like something a little thinner. He said this one fit better than number 1. He said number 2 is the way to go. He said you can use it in your pussy and a guy can use it in his asshole. Robin asked if he ever tried putting it in Stephanie. Ronnie said she has her own things that she likes so no.
Howard asked if he was on his back for this one or on all fours. Ronnie said he was on his back. He said Stephanie blew him while he had that in him. He said he wasn't able to blow a load with it in there so he had to have it out when he finished.
Howard asked if his ankles were over his head. Ronnie said sort of. Howard said his asshole had to be open. Ronnie said it was. He said that he had to use lube though. Howard said it's like changing a diaper on him with him on his back. Ronnie said you put a pillow under your ass and it brings you up more.
Howard asked if it's fair to say to get cock number 2 if you want one in your ass. Ronnie said it's good for all around. He said that it's good for a guy and for a girl. He said he thinks this one has a more even shaft. He said there's no bulge on top.
Ronnie said the head on number one 1 was too big. Howard said he's sure that the company is glad he took this so seriously. He said cock number 2 is the ideal dildo for Ronnie. Ronnie said it's good all around. He said number 1 isn't bad. He said if you're a girl with a bigger vagina it can take it. He said maybe that one is cool if you like that.
Howard asked if he prefers either one. Ronnie said number 1 looks better. He said sticking it in his ass didn't work so well. He said the way the skin is on the top it slides down better with number 2.
Howard said he has to tell Ronnie that these cocks were modeled after someone. He said he's going to bring on the two guys who modeled for the cocks. Howard asked if he'd like to meet them. Ronnie said yeah. Howard had the guys come on and it was Sal and Richard. Sal was laughing and said ''surprise!'' Ronnie said there's no way that's Sal's cock. Howard said it is because the company that makes these take every measurement and photographs from every angle to make these. He said that it's really Sal and Richard's cock. He said Ronnie loved Sal's cock. Ronnie said Sal's cock could never look like that. Sal said ''Merry Christmas Ronnie!'' Ronnie said there's no way that these are their cocks. He said he doesn't believe it for a minute. He said Sal's cock is so ugly there's no fucking way this is his cock.
Ronnie refused to believe that this was really a thing. Ronnie said he's seen Richard's cock too and he doesn't have a head like that. Howard said they have the pictures to prove it. He said Fleshlight makes these things. He said you can see them on their web site at Fleshlight.com/dildos. Howard said Sal and Richard were sent instructions on how to photograph their cocks to get them made over there. Howard said Robin's producer Derek Jones has seen the photos and they have proof that they are really replicas. He said that they are not for sale though.
Ronnie said he still doesn't believe it. Howard said this is true. He said Sal watched porn and took two sets because the first set was blurry. He said Richard had trouble keeping an erection long enough to do it. Richard said it took like 20 minutes and it was hard to do. He said he would start to go soft and then he'd have to fluff himself. He said he is so proud of this.
Howard asked Richard how he feels that Ronnie wasn't able to handle it. Richard said he's proud. He said he is girthy. Ronnie said in real life he's not. Richard said he is and when they get back into the studio he and Sal will fuck him for real. Ronnie said he has seen his cock a million times and it's not his. Richard said he hasn't seen him hard.
Howard said they say that Sal and Richard lied about their size. He said that Sal said he was 7 inches but it's really just 4 inches. He said Richard was off by half an inch.
Richard put his cock up on the screen and Ronnie still didn't believe it. Richard said this is his hard-on. He said that they did an awesome job over there. Howard gave Ronnie more measurements for their cocks that they figured out over at Fleshlight.
Howard said Benjy was going to be the third dildo. Sal said what a nightmare. He said his phone was ringing off the hook with Benjy asking him questions about how to take the pictures. He said it was a nightmare to deal with it. Richard said Benjy didn't know how to shave down. He said he was texting him about that.
Howard asked what happened with Benjy. Sal said he spent 45 minutes on the phone with him and he told him what to do. He said he asked him this and that and then asked if he could come over to get help. He said he told Benjy he was done and then he disappeared off the face of the earth.
Howard said Benjy wasn't able to get it done and dropped out of the whole thing. He said this is typical Benjy. Sal said it really is. He said that he wondered if he was being punked. He said that he had to be kidding him with the phone call. He said they all got the same instructions.
Ronnie said he's glad Benjy didn't do it. He said his head is even worse than Richard's. He said he wouldn't have attempted it at all.
Howard asked Ronnie if there's any shame here at all for what he did. Ronnie said he did it because that's what he does. He said it's about having fun. He said he won't do it again with these things. Howard said he did say that it was a good size for him until he knew who the model was.
Howard asked Robin if it would bother her if she knew. Robin said it's just a piece of plastic so no. Howard asked Ronnie if he would have done it if he knew whose cocks they were. Ronnie said he thinks he would have. He said it would have creeped him out but he thinks he would have tried it.
Richard said maybe they can do it with JD and Fred next time. Howard asked if he can get a Chris Wilding and Jon Hein cock made would he try it. Ronnie said no way. Howard asked if he would try Chris Wilding's cock in his ass. Sal and Richard were cracking up. Ronnie said why not, fuck it.
Howard said Stephanie knew about this. He said they have to thank her for helping out with that. Ronnie said he would have freaked out if he knew it was their cocks. Robin said that Ronnie got to see Richard's cock trying to go into his ass. Ronnie said he got to look at Stephanie trying to put it in. He said he saw her boobs and stuff.
Howard asked if he would take Jimmy Kimmel's cock in his ass. Ronnie said he would try that.
Gary said he's not sure how far down the Benjy rabbit hole he wants to go. He said he's texting him now and he claims he tried to do this for 4 days. Howard said this can be a new TV show called The Masked Cock.
Howard got Benjy on and asked what happened. Benjy said he's embarrassed. He said he kept trying. He said he was embarrassed and he was afraid of getting his stomach in the pictures. He said it kept going down every time he tried. He said he wasn't sure how to get this thing on his cock and take a picture. Richard said it wasn't easy but you just have to do it. Howard said Benjy is the only one who has trouble with it. Benjy said he'd like to see Howard try it. Howard said he would try.
Howard asked if they got more than one. Richard said they got one each. Howard said they'd be perfect gifts for the holidays. Richard said he wishes he could display it in his house. He said he's so proud of this thing.
Howard asked Ronnie what he's going to do with his. Ronnie said he's throwing them in the garbage. Howard asked if he'd use them again. Ronnie said no. He said that he didn't think grey were that good. He said he might have kept this one. Sal said he has a good place to keep it.
Howard said he'll play the closing song for this bit. Howard got Chris Wilding on first to talk about the cocks. Chris said he's looking at these guys very differently now. He said that Richard has a perfect cock if that's the way it looks. He said he should have entered the Prettiest Penis contest. Ronnie asked Chris if he believes this is Sal's cock. Chris said he is shocked. He said that he has said that his cock is one of the ugliest dicks he's ever seen. Howard said that cock is only 4.7 inches long. Chris said cocks are an amazing thing. He said no two are alike and they transform.
Howard asked what he thinks about Ronnie putting that into his ass. Chris said he has crossed a gay line. He said that's as close to a gay act as you can get and there's nothing wrong with that. He said it's sticking something up his ass. Ronnie said he didn't do it himself. He said it was Stephanie. He said he could see her boobs and all of that. Ralph was on the phone and said ''Yeah, whatever.''
Howard said he's sure that people want to see that on the app. He asked Ralph what he wants to say. Ralph said he wants to volunteer for round 2. He said he thinks grey should have 3 cocks and Ronnie has to guess which one belongs to which guy. Howard asked if Ronnie would try Ralph's cock in his ass. Ronnie said he would but now he knows. Howard said he should do it. He said he can try to get Jimmy Kimmel's cock too. Howard asked why Ronnie wants that one so bad. Ronnie said he follows his sex tips so he thinks that's funny.
Howard said he thinks they should get Ralph, JD and Alex Pettyfer for Ronnie to try. Howard said they could do a whole late night war with cocks. He said they could have Fallon, Kimmel and Colbert. He said he likes this show. He said maybe they can get Paul McCartney to do it.
Ralph said that Ronnie should try again and see if he loosens up. Howard asked Ronnie to hold onto them and try again. Ronnie said he would do that.
Howard said maybe they can get 3 NASCAR Driver dicks and have him test those out. Ronnie said he'd be up for that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said this made her day today. She said this is so great. Howard said she's right because Sal is beaming today. Robin said he's been smiling the whole time. Sal said it's like the birth of his first child. He said he's glowing.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Ronnie has to listen back to hear himself. She said that she's fucking dying today. Howard hung up on her when she started screaming.
Chris said this is the answer to what to do with Ronnie when he retires. Howard said he has to get a bunch of different cocks from the past Presidents. Howard said he has to thank Fleshlight to do this. He said they have to get all of the Baldwin brothers to get their cocks made for Ronnie to test out. Ronnie said they make some great pussies too. Howard said they're going to do an all Trump edition to go into Ronnie's asshole too.
Howard played the song parody to end the segment. Sal and Richard were dancing along to it since they were singing about Ronnie taking their cocks in his ass.
Howard said the guys are all dancing around in their outfits. Chris said that he pinned Richard's screen on his Zoom. Ronnie said he'll send him the cocks if he wants them. Chris said not after it went up his ass. Howard said they say that the average penis length is 5 inches so Sal is a little short.
Benjy said that they were sent a ruler that came from China and it's got weird measurements on it.
Howard took a call from Pocket who asked if Ronnie has any special preparations he does before anal play with Stephanie. Ronnie asked as far as what. Pocket asked if he douches. Ronnie said he doesn't. He said that he knows the chamber is empty. He said he's never had any brown juice on these things before. He said call Stephanie and ask her. Howard asked if he shit good the next day because Sal's cock was perfect. Ronnie said he didn't have any problems. He said usually the next day his shit does come out easier. He said it opens everything up.
Howard said they have a suction cup accessory for the dildos. Ronnie had it there so he got it and showed it to Howard. He demonstrated how it fits on. He said you can stick in on the wall in the shower or wherever you want to put it. He said they had instructions with it.
Howard said he would probably not need instructions if he was going to fuck himself in the ass. Ronnie said he would never do it by himself. He said he doesn't do this stuff constantly. He said it's not an every night occurrence. He said last night they fucked and nothing was involved like that.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks and Ronnie said don't even suggest making his cock into a dildo. King said his is too veiny. Ronnie told him to stop. Howard asked why he won't take his cock in his ass. Ronnie said there's no fucking way he would do that. He said he wouldn't even let Stephanie hold it.
King said that most trump supporters wouldn't like a black dildo in their hand. Ronnie said here we go. King asked why his girlfriend would do this with him. Ronnie said they don't hide anything from each other and they enjoy every bit of their sex lives. He said that King isn't getting what he wants so that's why he's so unhappy.
King said this shows that she's bored with him. Ronnie said it's called spicing up your sex life. He said they fucked last night and didn't have to use dildos. He said she was screaming so loud they had to close the windows.
King told Ronnie to calm down. He asked him to just listen to him for 10 seconds. Ronnie said he can't. He told King to just talk. King said that if he were Ronnie and grey asked him to do this for the show and his girl said he should then he would have a problem with it. Ronnie said King doesn't know how to have a good time and enjoy sex.
King said there are some people on this earth who are super intelligent. He said he just wants to ask Howard something. King asked if Howard came home to Beth and said he wanted to do this with her having her stick something in his ass she would not agree with that. Howard said he's right about that. He said Beth doesn't want to stick Sal's cock in his ass.
Ronnie said they're all with the person they're with because they do things they like together. He said if Stephanie didn't want to do this then she'd be gone. King said she has a great time doing it once in a while but she's going to get upset if they keep doing it. Howard said he's not sure what he's saying there. He let King go and said Ronnie is a good sport for doing this. He said he prefers Sal's cock to Richard's. He said good for you. Richard said that he's the winner because his cock was too big. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he could sing a song like this Suzanne Vega song. Robin said that's what she's been telling him. Howard said he could do that. He asked where she is now. He said he doesn't know a thing about her. He said she was very mellow and soft spoken when she was on the show. He said he thinks they had her on a couple of times. Howard asked if this is where they didn't have any music and a DJ put music behind it and made it a hit. Robin said that sounds like it. Gary said there was another one that had more of a beat behind it. He said this is the same song but not the version that was the hit. He said it was two DJ's who did the one with the beat.
Howard said he's sure that Suzanne was pissed when they did that version but once it was a hit she shut up. Howard said this is why you need a good producer. He said this wasn't a hit before this beat was put in there.
Howard said Suzanne is 61 years old now. Robin said she thought she was a lot younger than them. Howard said she just put out a new album in September.
Howard went through some fan feedback about last week's shows. Howard said he's doing another 5 years but only if he can do it. He said he could run out of juice. He said he'll do it but he'll complain through it.
Howard read that Ike Barinholtz tweeted that he wishes it was noine years instead of just 5. Howard said he's not sure why 5 years is a thing but it is. He said that he's always done 5 years. He said you ask for 2 and they think something is wrong.
Howard read some tweets from Jillian Barberie and Mark McGrath and then read some comments from the fans who were happy about him signing on for another 5 years.
Howard had some comments from fans who say the show really helps them get through things.
Howard said Robin said that she was shocked that Ronnie couldn't get Richard's cock in his ass. Robin said she was surprised that he didn't keep trying just so he'd accomplish something. She said that he must have just wanted to get to Sal's cock because it was nice and smooth.
Howard read a comment from a fan who said that he has about 3 months left to live and he's happy he'll have Howard to listen to during that time.
Howard said the fans thought it was brilliant to have Mariann do the announcement with him. He read some comments about that.
Howard said some of the fans were blown away by Mariann's beauty too. He said that her voice throws it off. Robin said people are shocked about how she looks. Howard had a couple of comments about that.
Howard read some fan feedback about Wendy the Slow Adult. Howard said Wendy had an interesting reaction to his re-signing. He played a clip of Wendy talking about how now he can send her more money. She said he should send her $5,000. Robin said she's not sure when she turned into this person who is always looking for money.
Howard played a clip of Wendy going off on Gary about the way he ruined the show the day of Howard's announcement. Wendy said that she'd slap herself into a wall if she was Gary.
Howard said she thinks he was too soft on Gary. Howard had more clips of Wendy talking to Wolfie about Gary ruining the show that day. Wendy said she would tie him up to a post and throw pies in his face for what he did. Howard said she's got some good thoughts. He said she's not so slow. In one clip Wendy called Gary ''Gary Dell'A-boo-tay.'' Fred kept playing that clip over and over.
Howard read some comments about Gary's screw up last week. He had a bunch of comments about that.
Howard read some feedback about Gary and Sal going at each other last week. He read through a bunch of those comments.
Howard Gary jumped in with that comment about how people on Facebook weren't happy about his re-signing. He said he went right on the air with that after Gary told him that during a break.
Howard read some comments about Michael Rapaport calling in last week about Gary. People were asking him not to make Gary suffer with him anymore. Howard had a bunch of fans who don't like it when he calls in. He did have some positive words about Michael too.
Howard said finally in the fan feedback he has some comments about the Benjy update they got last week. He said people are shocked that he thinks that he can get any girl if he puts his mind to it. Howard went through some of those comments about Benjy. Howard said Benjy was turned down by a woman who had a rape fantasy. He said Benjy walks in and she asks him to leave. He said Benjy thinks he can get any girl he wants even after that.
Howard said he's seen Benjy score with girls who were hot but this notion that you can get any woman you want is delusional. He asked where that comes from. Robin said that Howard always thinks there's something wrong with a girl who is into Benjy. Howard said Benjy can't even measure his dick the right way in 4 days.
Howard read more comments about Benjy and what he'd have to do to get a woman. Howard said someone said Benjy actually is living up to his full potential and this is it. Howard said they might be right about that.
Howard said someone wrote in about the story that Benjy told about the $3 hand job. He went through some of those details.
Howard asked Benjy if he has really looked into this. Benjy said he has. He said he has thought about it. He said he's not short. He said he's 5'8'' so he's average. Howard said just get your stomach stapled before doing that.
Benjy said that they can lengthen your legs. He said even at his age. Howard asked if he thinks he can't get women because of his height. Benjy said he can get women and he does get women. Howard said he doesn't get the women he wants. Benjy said part of him feels that he could get any woman he wants.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks Benjy could do that. Robin said he'd need a lot of work and he'd have to not be this Benjy. Benjy said his mother used to tell him that if he put his mind to it that he could do anything. He said it was instilled in him. Howard said they say they can lengthen your legs 2-3 inches if you do this leg thing. He said Benjy would still be Benjy if you put him on stilts. Benjy said he's not sure why they don't just put implants into your heels. He said that's why he wears higher shoes. Howard said talk to a doctor about that. Fred did his Benjy impression and talked about having step stools installed in his ankles.
Howard said women like guys who aren't blobby. He said think about changing your diet before getting taller. Benjy asked if he agrees that he'd be good looking if he was thinner. Howard said he never said that. He said Tom Cruise is short and he has no issue getting women. He said Robin wants to fuck Peter Dinklage. Robin said she does. She said she doesn't care about his height. She said if they got into bed together they'd figure things out.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Benjy is the new Ronnie. She said he's such a moron. She said she's not sure how he can even stand to talk to him about this stuff. She said he should just go on a diet. Howard said that's what he was just telling him. The caller said Benjy is a moron and she's sorry she has to say that.
Howard said his life changed when he became famous. He said certain women were interested in him all of a sudden. He said you can be deluded and tricked into thinking you can get any woman on the planet you want. He said it's all a delusion. He said even with his fame... Howard said he has something beeping there. He had to turn his phone call. He said he has something going on he doesn't want to talk about.
Howard said he sees the delusion with guys who are famous. He said this is why famous guys can't settle down with one woman. He said Benjy has this and he thinks he can get any woman he wants. Benjy asked Howard to name one person he couldn't get if he were single. Howard said Jennifer Aniston. Benjy said he could get her. Howard said he's going to divorce Beth tonight and prove to him that he can't get her. Benjy said he thinks that Howard thinks he could get her. Howard said he doesn't think he could. He said he wouldn't embarrass himself. Robin said you're not even compatible with every person on earth.
hoar said he was out when he was single and they ran into some attractive girls. He said he got to know the girls and there was zero interest in him. He said threw as no connection. Benjy said right, at that moment. Howard said he put some work into it and they didn't want him. Robin asked if Robert De Niro could get any woman he wanted when he was famous. Benjy said he doesn't know that much about him. Howard said this is all silly.
Robin said that she was at a party and De Niro was trying to get this woman and she had no interest in him at all.
Howard told Benjy to go chop up his legs so they can see what happens. He wrapped up with him and moved on.
Howard said that he's been offered just about every game show that's on the air right now. He said that he's had to turn them down. He said you don't want a goofball like him hosting Jeopardy. He said you want someone like Alex Trebek hosting. He said this is why he mentioned George Stephanopoulos to host. He said that's someone serious. He said he wouldn't be good at it himself.
Speech Impediment Man asked what game show he saw himself doing when he was young. Howard said The Match Game. Speech Impediment Man said he would be good at that.
Howard got Speech Impediment Dan on the phone who asked some dopey questions like Speech Impediment Man was asking. He'd ask a question and crack himself up.
Howard said he heard that Speech Impediment Man is working on COVID related jokes. Speech said he's working on it. He said there's nothing going on right now. He said he wishes they'd get this COVID taken care of.
Howard asked if Speech Impediment Man would like to try his jokes out on them. Speech said he's been making jokes about Joe Biden a lot lately. Howard said try it out now and he'll let him know how he's doing. Speech said he doesn't have any on the spot. He said he's working at it though.
Robin asked how the COVID jokes went over on the shows he did do. Speech said they went over good. He said he did the House of Comedy in Phoenix and he's going out to do a show in February. Robin asked if he can't remember one joke that went over well. Speech said he has told them most of them already. He said he used a lot of the jokes that Howard gave him. He told some of those jokes that Howard has given him before. He said he likes the one where he says that women have been social distancing from him for 50 years. Howard said he thinks that Speech Impediment Man chooses every word wisely just like Jerry Seinfeld.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who asked if he's upset about Speech Impediment Man using ''From the Howard Stern Show'' in his title. Howard said it's fine, what's the difference. Speech said he has to use anything he can to get ahead. Howard said it's like saying you worked on the show. Speech said he's sorry, he won't do that anymore. He said he's seen other comedians do that. Howard said they're brought in as guests though. He said they're comics who come on the show and they appeared on the show. Robin said he can say he calls the Howard Stern Show. Howard said he ash no problem with that.
Howard said Speech isn't even a regular caller. He said that the people that Ellen has dance on her show don't go around saying they're from the Ellen Degeneres show. He said it's almost setting yourself up for failure.
Howard said a better idea would be Speech Impediment Man is a Listener of the Howard Stern Show. Speech said maybe he can say that he is a listener of the show. Mike said he never says that he's from the show. He said he's Mike from Dexter to most people.
Mike asked Speech who his favorite Sesame Street Character. Speech said Cookie Monster and Mike said ''To jerk off to. I wasn't done asking the question.'' Howard said that's the joke? He said maybe they should go on the road together. Speech Impediment Man was cracking up.
Howard said he has no problem with Speech Impediment Man saying he's a listener of the show. He said saying you're 'from' the show then he has an issue with it. He said he'd prefer that he not say that. He said why not just say you're from the late night shows. Speech said he might try that.
Howard said he can also bill himself as Speech Impediment Man who brings the Howard Stern Show to a screeching halt. Speech laughed and said he likes that. Howard said he can also say he's a guy who tries out horrible jokes on the Howard Stern Show. He said he's too much.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she called the show in March thinking Howard was over doing it with the Coronavirus stuff but she just lost her 53 year old brother to it. Howard said he's sorry to hear that. He said he can't believe that people are treating it as cavalierly as they are. He said he can't believe the attitude of the administration. The caller said that she was out and saw some people not wearing masks and she almost got beat up when she said something. She said it's an abomination. Howard said he appreciates her calling in to say she was wrong. She said it is real and it's ugly. Howard said he's sorry to hear about her brother.
Howard asked if you really believe the media is lying about this. He asked why they would lie about that or the election. He said why didn't they lie about it when Hillary lost. He said he feels like they're in the upside down world.
Howard said Canada is on top of this whole thing and we're an embarrassment right now. He said we've been reduced to nonsense. He said it's crazy.
Howard said he has people call him telling him that there's some real money in this stuff. He said there has to be some other way to put food on the table. He said show business has really changed. He said everyone has some sort of setup. He said when it comes down to charging your fans to do that then maybe get out of the business. He said he'd think $9 would be too much. He said people are charging over $200 for these things. Howard said from what he's heard no one is putting any thought into them.
Howard said they can do all of that plus talk to Paul McCartney tomorrow. He said that guy is something else. He said it's like talking to God. He said that guy is so incredible. He said Don Johnson is on Cameo for $500. Robin said he can't need the money. Howard asked what he could be saying for $500. He said Caitlyn Jenner is still $2,500. He said he needs to see her tax return.
Howard asked who is paying Don Johnson to say something for $500. He said that Richard Dreyfus is $999. He said Roseanne Barr is on there for $200. He said that's okay. He said $999 for Richard Dreyfus is like him saying ''fuck it'' and not really wanting to do it.
Howard said maybe the should cough up the money and see what Richard has to say to them. He said he thinks he'd be difficult. Howard said he doesn't get Don Johnson getting $500.
Howard said he thinks that Richard Dreyfus hasn't gotten one request at $999. He said they could make a game out of this and find out how many they've done and guess how many they have. He said that Don Johnson has 28 reviews. He said they should really explore this. He said Randy Quaid is on there. He said his might be interesting. He said Brent Spiner is $200.
Howard asked why those people are so comfortable taking money from their fans. He said Caitlyn Jenner has 7 reviews at $2,500 a pop. He asked if JD can read those reviews. Howard said he's not sure why Caitlyn would have to do that. He said that Bruce Jenner had a lot of money. He wondered what happened to all of that.
Robin said Penn Gillette said this makes him feel closer to his fans. Howard said alright.
Howard asked what the reviews say. JD said they are very short and there's only one 4 star review. JD read some of the comments and chuckled after reading them.
Howard said that Randy Jackson asks $750 for his Cameos. He said he can't possibly be getting any requests. He said they have to spend more time on this tomorrow. He said he has tape and everything. JD has clips to play. Howard said they have to go. He said he has to go pee. He said he's been holding it in too long. He said he likes Robin's new set. Robin said she can't believe the difference the lighting makes. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:25am.
Howard started the show talking about the mashup of Paul McCartney and Rob Zombie they did for the start of the show. Robin said they're very creative for Christmas. Howard said the audience demands it.
Howard said he had a really nice experience with Rob Zombie yesterday. He said he and his wife are true artists. He said Rob paints so they talk about painting. He said they send each other their paintings. He said Rob does them 8 feet wide. He said it's like the size of this wall. He said he takes an 8 foot canvas and it looks like a psychedelic acid trip. He said one of them was Jane Fonda in a montage like you'd see in a journal page. He said he paints them all in a collage and has references in there too. He said it's like he's opening up his brain and showing what's in there. He said he always compliments him on them. He said he keeps them in his house or in a barn or something. He said you have to have a big studio to keep that much stuff. He said he has to keep them up against a wall because they're so big.
Howard said he always tells Beth about the paintings. He said yesterday they went out to the garage because Rob sent over a painting. He said he has a wall that he thinks it will fit on. He said it's the Jane Fonda one that he liked so much. He said Beth wanted to get it for him for Christmas but Rob refused to take money for it. He said he wanted to give it to him.
Howard said he was thinking he has to do a painting for Rob now. He said he does like the way he paints. He said that Rob isn't looking for one of his paintings though. He said he felt funny about it but maybe he'll send him a copy of his book or something.
Howard said he appreciates Rob's work and it was very nice to get it. He said Rob told him it's so big that he wanted a picture of it taken with a good camera. Howard said he was wondering if it was okay to show it to people and he said it is. He said he knows he'll never get rid of it so this is a good way to store his paintings. He said that he wanted him to send them all to him. He said he made his day yesterday with that.
Robin said now maybe he'll get a painting from Bubba. Howard said he has one. He said he showed it to her so she knew that. He said Bubba's not bad either. He said he just started out.
Howard said he inspired Bubba to paint and he was already ready to sell them as soon as he started. He said he's self taught and he uses his shit fan to dry them.
Howard said this one is called McCartney III. He said he has a lot of question for him. He said he needs a good 25 hours with him to get all of his questions in. He said he has a folder of questions for him in a second chance interview folder he keeps.
Howard said he has so many questions. Robin said here are questions she has about songs. Howard said songs have so many meanings. He said he has a lot of questions about song too. He talked about the lyric ''He blew his mind out in a car'' and what the meaning of that was. Robin said she listens to that Beatles channel and they have endless experts who have theories and spout them on there. Howard said he'll try to get to everything. He said he's there and then he's gone so it's tremendous to get him just for a few minutes.
Howard said one of his favorite songs from Paul's album was where he sang about ''The Lovely Linda'' and how it was never really finished. He said it's not done. He said he just sings ''Lalalala lovely Linda.'' He played some of the song and wondered where he was going to go with the song but it seems unfinished. He said he has to ask about that song. He said it's best not to go over them now. He said he should save that for when he's on.
Robin said they talked about a song that John thought was crap but Paul loved it. Howard said it was one of their best songs. He knows what she's talking about. He said John had this whole thing where a lot of times he'd bring The Beatles songs and he didn't think that it worked for them so he wanted to keep them for himself or something. He said they have a lot to talk to Paul about.
Howard said they'll talk to Paul around 8. He said that they'll see what he has to say. He said he's apparently observing the quarantine. Robin said he should get the vaccine first. Howard said he should say that he's famous and he's one of the only remaining Beatles so he should get the vaccine.
Howard said David Spade did a funny thing on Instagram. He said he was saying that he was getting the vaccine and was pushing everyone out of the way because he's a celebrity.
Howard said he did a song about Robin. He sang the Lovely Linda song but changed it to Robin.
Howard said he won't get together with them. He said maybe they're doing something that he can't figure out. He said he just doesn't get it.
Howard said he and his friends put on different views. He said he has Alex Jones on the line to talk about the vaccine and things like that. He said he's unable to go on other shows because he's banned from some of these places.
Fake Alex Jones got on and went on a rant about the vaccines and what he thinks they really are. Howard said he speaks very fast so he missed the point. Alex said they want forced inoculation because they have HIV in it. Howard said he has certain buzz words that trigger people.
Alex had someone knocking on his door. It was reptilian Bill Gates with his inoculation filled with HIV. Alex talked to Gates and Dr. Fauci and then went into a commercial read for his food buckets and things like that.
Howard said whenever he has him on the show he seems to take over with his show. He said he takes over the whole airwaves.
Alex talked about the other things he had coming up on his show. He said he has to wrap up. Robin wondered how he's keeping himself healthy during this time. Howard said he has all of those powders and things. That led to Alex going into a commercial for those products he has there.
Howard thanked Alex for the call. He said he knows he's very busy. He asked why the Alex puppet has a nicer studio than he does. Alex gave his guys a plug for helping him with that. He played his Infowars.com theme and Howard let him go after that.
Howard said you have to present all points of view. He said they're complaining they can't leave the house but other people are running around not caring at all. Robin said they are seeing hospitals overrun with patients. Howard said some people say that's fake news.
Howard said that you have to watch the segment on the app. He said you'll see Richard and Sal holding their cock dildos in their hands. Fred played a clip of Ronnie talking about how you have to look at the piss hole.
Howard said Beth said Ralph told her to turn on the show and she tuned in right when Ronnie was describing being on his back with his knees up to his ears and how his girlfriend was sticking Sal's dildo in his ass. He said Beth had no idea what was going on. He said Ralph thinks that Ronnie is full on gay liking this stuff. Robin said here was discussion about Ronnie taking different cocks in his ass. Howard said Ralph wants to have one of those things made so Ronnie can take that up there.
Howard said Ronnie was a huge hit yesterday. Ronnie said he heard. Howard asked how he's feeling about the whole thing yesterday. He said Beth was shocked that he puts a pillow under his ass to get better penetration. Ronnie said he does that so you can open your asshole easier. Howard said he thinks he would take a dick in his ass. Ronnie said no way.
Ronnie said what he's doing isn't real. Howard said there has to be a fantasy there. Ronnie said they're just having fun and playing. Howard said that's acting out a fantasy. Ronnie said maybe it is.
Robin asked why he got so excited when grey said they could get some NASCAR guys to get their cocks made. Ronnie said that would be funny. Howard asked if Ronnie would do one of those chicks with dicks. He asked if he would let a J-Lo with a cock put that cock in his ass. Ronnie said no way. He said he does tell Stephanie that it would be a cool fantasy for her. He said they could get a chick and a dick for her but that's not for him.
Howard said he thinks that Ronnie thinks it's hot but he thinks he's just saying it's good for Stephanie but thinks it would be good for him. Howard said he's thinking if a guy who looked like J-Lo wanted to fuck him he'd let it happen. Ronnie said he doesn't think so. Howard said he thinks he would. Robin said she's not sure what the difference is. Ronnie said it's a real person.
Howard said Ronnie did think that Sal's cock was great. Ronnie said he still doesn't think that was really his dick.
Ronnie said that Stephanie came home from work and asked how the show was today. He said she had a big smirk on her face and asked how the show was. He said she knew it was their cocks. He said she knew and busted out laughing. Howard asked if he was upset with her for knowing and not telling him. Ronnie said not at all.
Howard said Beth missed the part where he talked about trying to get Richard's cock jammed in his ass. Ronnie said that some chick tweeted him saying if he had just let his asshole relax he could have gotten that in there. He said he was too tense.
Howard asked Ronnie if he would have sex with a male robot if they had one in the future. Ronnie said no because this is having sex with his fiancee. He said it's her and she's there with him and she's naked and they're doing all kinds of different things to each other in between. Robin said they could still do things with the robot doing it to him. Ronnie said no way.
Howard said forget the robot. He said how about one of those fuck machines with a dildo on it. He said Stephanie will be there controlling it. Ronnie said it's not the same. He said that she's got that cock in her hand and she's the one who is doing it. He said she's massaging him and all of that. He said he doesn't want machines. He said he wants her.
Howard asked what the rules are. He said she has to put the dick in his ass so it's not so gay. Ronnie said it's not gay. He said the robot thing is just stupid. Howard asked why that's stupid and Stephanie doing it isn't stupid.
Robin asked if he ever thinks about going to prison and what he would do there. Ronnie laughed and said no. Robin asked if he would be with a guy and not a girl. Ronnie said he's not going to prison. Howard said what he learned is that if there's a cock in his ass he's only doing it if a woman is working it. Ronnie said it has to be her.
Howard said the robot cock has a control on it. Ronnie said it's different. He said you're not touching the flesh and everything. He said it's a machine. Howard asked if it's good for a girl to see you pushing your ass up with a pillow under you. Ronnie said it turns her on. Howard asked if the lights are on. Ronnie said they don't turn them off so it's bright in there. Howard asked if that image is a good image. Ronnie said he doesn't hear her complaining. Ronnie Puppet said it looks like a bird bath. That made Howard laugh.
Howard asked if she's tickling his balls too. Ronnie said they do a lot of stuff. Howard asked if air ever goes in and comes out. Ronnie said that has never happened.
Robin asked how long that goes on with the cock going in and out. Ronnie said a couple of minutes. Howard said that's a long time.
Howard said if he opens his asshole that has to cause an odor. He asked if he ever catches a whiff. Ronnie said he doesn't but he'd have to ask her if she does. Howard asked if she has eye contact with her when she's doing it. Ronnie said it depends on if it's painful. He said he might have his head buried in a pillow. Howard asked if he moans. Ronnie Puppet said he moans like the moon.
Howard asked what he sees when this is going on. Ronnie said he sees her boobs mostly. He said life is good. Robin asked if it feels good. Ronnie said it does. He said he likes the vibrator thing that he has better. He said it's not as thick.
Howard asked Ronnie when he's moaning does he moan deep or like a girl. Ronnie said it's usually deep. He gave him an example of what it might sound like. Howard said he has to hear what it really sounds like.
Howard said Sal jerks off like Ronnie on his back. He said that he's talked about that before. Howard asked Ronnie if he ever tells Stephanie to do it deeper and harder. Ronnie said no. Howard laughed.
Howard asked if he would wear a girl wig for Stephanie if she asked. Ronnie said he would do whatever she wants.
Howard said he has to read the rest of the mail. He had more about Ronnie that he read through. He had lots of comments about what a team player Ronnie is.
Howard said Ronnie did give Sal's cock a good review. Ronnie said he still doesn't believe that it was his. He had it there with him.
Howard said someone defended Ronnie after King of All Blacks called in. He read what this guy said his girlfriend does to his asshole occasionally.
Howard said a fan who was a bottom wrote in. He said he had some tips on how to be a better bottom. He read the tips which included doing a good enema before doing the anal stuff. Howard said that's what he was implying yesterday. Ronnie said that's too much work. Howard said he thinks that brown has come out on those things before. Robin said he might be clenching up so much because he's afraid of what's in there. Howard said someone said you should use Orajel around the asshole to get the dildo in there. He had some other tips for Ronnie to help him get the bigger dildo in there.
Howard said he got a very nice email. He said that was from George Takei and it said ''Welcome to the club.'' Howard said they even have a nice song about Ronnie and his asshole. He played that song where the singer sang about the things that Ronnie has going into his butt. Howard said that was a home run yesterday. He thanked him for that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to stop gay shaming Ronnie. He said there are tons of straight guys who love stuff in their ass. He said he's just kinky. Howard said he doesn't see anything wrong with Ronnie being gay. He said if you're gay then be gay. The caller said that having something in your ass doesn't make you gay. Howard said he's just trying to figure out what the line is there. He said he could be on the gay spectrum. The caller said he's wrong. He said he's a gay guy and he doesn't want a dildo up his ass. He said that doesn't make you gay or straight. He said it's all about who you're attracted to.
Howard said he thinks that he's having gay fantasies. The caller said that's fine but he's not gay. He said there are a lot of guys out there being scared off of experimentation. He said that straight guys want stuff in their butts too.
Howard said if he was picturing a penis in his ass might make him gay. He said he doesn't think about a man entering him. The caller said that his butt isn't an erogenous zone for him. Ronnie said Howard is just different. The caller said he supports Ronnie in his experimentation. Howard said he does too. Robin said they made cocks for him. Howard said he wants to make a male robot for him. Ronnie said no man robot for him.
Howard said all he's saying is congratulations on another great segment. He let him go and did a commercial for Blackened American Whiskey and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said Paul McCartney is a genius. He said he is in love with Paul. Paul got on and said he says that to all the boys. Howard said he envisions a constant concert going on inside his head. He said he must have days when he doesn't know what to do with himself. Paul said that's correct. He said at the moment he has loads going on but at times he has a load of things to do that he wants to get around to and sometimes it's just watching television.
Howard asked if he feels like he's running out of time. He said he has that feeling. Paul said he does. He said that he thinks it's a fallacy. He said that they have both done lots of things. He said you do feel a bit of a clock ticking down. He said it is inevitable that the clock will run down. He said you just have to have a good time and do what you want to do. He said that's what happened with lock down over there where he is. He said he started playing with some songs he hadn't finished. He said that he didn't mean to do a whole album but he was having a good time in the studio. He said he would have a song out of playing around. Paul said time is running down but they are having fun.
Howard said he sees Paul as having gone full circle. He said he has to play every instrument on this album. He said he did this on his first solo album. He said he went into a barn with a 4 track and made an album. He said this new album will be the same thing. He said that's an amazing accomplishment. Howard asked if he ever thinks that other people could play better or is he that good. Paul said it's not quite like that. He said he does it for fun. He said he does love drumming. He said he never had a kit but in Hamburg as kids there was always a kit on stage and he would ask the drummer if he could play. He said he got to be pretty good. He said he can play some stuff that's very simple stuff. He said he loves it. Paul said with the new album he wasn't able to get the band in. He said he can play guitar and play piano and the bass pretty well.
Howard said music comes so easily to him that he could master them. He said that he's able to play all of these instruments and he can switch over to anything and also sing and write the songs. He asked if he looks at other musicians and wonders why they're struggling. Paul said he understands that it's not easy. He said that he has been lucky that things have come to him the way they have. He said the drums thing came kind of easily to him. He said other things have just come about. He said when he went to Hamburg he had a crappy little guitar and the thing broke after about 2 weeks. He said it wasn't well made. He said there was a piano on stage so he went up and started learning on the piano. He said it goes back a long way. He said there's always a default reason for why he's done it. He said it's like a hobby.
Howard said he took piano lessons as a kid and it was a disaster. He asked if it's true that he wrote ''When I'm 64'' when he was 15. Paul said he did. He said he wrote the song first. He said he had that part down early. He said he was fascinated with music. He said that it was such an exciting adventure for him. He said you just sit down and start playing. He said a song comes out of it and it's magical.
Howard asked if he was considered a prodigy when he was a child. Paul said no way. He said he had a music lesson at school and he tried with the old lady to learn music but he didn't like it. He said it was just repetitive exercise with your fingers. He said that he gave that up. He said it just went on. He said he had a music lesson in school and the teacher came in and they had maybe 20-30 Liverpool guys who were around 14-15 and he'd put on a record of Beethoven and then he'd go off. He said that they'd turn it off and smoke up while he was out of the room. He said that was his musical education. He said that he was not any kind of prodigy. He said he couldn't get arrested.
Howard said the tune for ''When I'm 64'' had to be something sophisticated for someone who was 15. Paul said there was no one around and he was just playing it at home. He said no one ever noticed. He said the only person who did notice was John. He said he'd be talking to people and he'd tell them what he does they didn't care that he was into writing songs until he came across John. He said John had written songs too.
Howard said John was in the band The Quarrymen. He said that he was the big guy and he thought he was cool. He said he thought the band sucked but John was good. Paul said that's right. He said he had seen him around Liverpool. He said he saw him on a bus once. He said he thought he looked like he had something going on. He said when he met him he was looking up to him. He said he smelled of beer and he wasn't too impressed with that. He said that they got together and he got into the band after a while. He said he didn't say ''yeah'' right away. He said he was on his bike cycling along and John's friend Pete came out and told him that they wanted him to join the band. He said he took about a week to think about it. He said that's just the way he is. He said he doesn't rush into anything. He said he took the luxury of having a few days. He said then he decided to do something with the band.
Howard said John had to be scary to him. He said his background was scary. He said that he didn't have a mother or father around much. He said he did a tribute to John the other day and he was thinking about this. He said when John's father came to meet him after the Beatles became famous that must have been something. He asked what that was like. Paul said he knew that his parents left him when he was 3. He said it was a huge pain for him growing up. He said he lived with his aunt and uncle and then his uncle died. He said that grey were out at his house and this message came through from a journalist who they knew. He said his dad was at a local pub washing dishes and he wanted to meet him. He said John was like ''What the f...'' He said he was intrigued and wanted to meet him. He said he did meet him and he wasn't able to have a relationship with the man. He said it really didn't work out. He said he just knew that they were going to meet and it just fizzled out. He said John just wasn't that keen on the guy. He said he thinks that his father asked him to help him out financially. He said John did not have a great life in that family department. He said even after his dad left his mother was hit by a car and killed. He said years later his dad shows up and wants money. He said it wasn't great. He said that led to a lot of John's angst.
Paul said when he and John were together they were doing creative things and hanging out. He said they sat down to write ''Help'' and John came up with some of the song and he realized they were talking about an insecurity thing in the song. He said once they were finished they were happy with it. He said it was later on that he thought that it was a real cry for help. He said there were so many things about his life that he could sympathize with. He said it took until later for him to get it. He said they were just kids writing songs.
Howard said that writing music must have saved John. He said that when John looked at Paul he was one of the few people who knew who the real John Lennon was. He said when you become famous you don't want those people around you. He said that he's the one he should have turned to though. He said he loved him back before all the fame. He said that he was like a mirror that he didn't want to look into. Paul said that he was very lucky with his family backward. He said that they had a great time and he realizes how great it was now. He said if John had a moment of insecurity he would be able to talk to him about it. He said he remembers him asking what he would be thought of when he dies. He said that he wondered what people would think of him. He said he had to be kidding him. He said he was a legend already. He said he had to reassure him. He said that was the nice thing about their relationship. He said they respected each other. Paul said he thinks John wanted to get out because he had met a strong woman and he had to clear the decks. He said he doesn't think they had something on him but he needed time and space for this woman he was madly in love with. He said they were a great couple.
Howard asked if Paul thinks in the beginning that John thought that he was getting more attention than him because he was the ''cute'' Beatle. Paul said he hated that and he thinks that once it's said it sticks. He said he just can't help being cute though. Robin said he's absolutely right. Howard said Robin really thinks he's cute. He said it's outrageous.
John said they had to give all of them names. He said they had the cute one, the quiet one and the drummer.
Howard said they were talking about who the greatest drummer in history was and they had Ginger Baker and Bonzo Bonham. He said he thinks it's Bonham. Paul said he thinks that Ringo would be at the top. He said he'd go with John Bonham second. He said Keith Moon would be third.
Howard said Ringo must have gotten upset that Paul would go and play drums on certain songs. Paul said here are only a couple of songs that he played on. He said Ringo would tell him to just play it if he was trying to get a certain sound. He said there are only 2 or 3. He said there was one time when he got blown out of the session because George Martin didn't think he was that good. He said they were much more fluid so they didn't mind if the beat was off a little bit. He said they knew when Ringo was going to go a bit faster or slower. He said they'd just go with him. He said he got chopped off the first session and a session drummer came in.
Howard said recording in a studio is much different than playing live. He said Ringo must not have been used to that. Paul said that's right. He said they had session drummers who would hold the beat. He said it wasn't that important to them though.
Howard asked Paul about being friends with Keith Moon and Bonzo Bonham. He said that Paul doesn't seem like the party kind of guy but those guys were out of control. He asked if he can have friends like that. He said he has alcoholic friends who he can't hang out with for more than 10 minutes. He asked how he was able to do it with Bonzo Bonham. Paul said they were very sweet around him. He said they never got crazy around him. He said he's not sure if it was a certain respect or what. He said maybe he didn't annoy them. He said that he remembers telling John to pull it in a bit when he went from coke to heroin. He said they were never crazy around him though. He said they were perfect gentlemen.
Howard asked who handled fame the best out of the four of them. He said it seems like Paul handled it well. He said he seemed like a grounded human being. He asked if John had to get the most out of control or was it Ringo. Paul said he thinks that everyone got too much into stimulants of some sort. He said they were all going crazy. He said he thinks that George didn't like fame at all. He said he really didn't like it. He said it was a good ingredient to have in the band. He said that he'd remind them that they were doing something. He said they'd be doing this thing that they hated and George would ask what the fuck they were doing this for. He said they kind of agreed to do it so they'd remind him about that.
Howard said Paul seemed like the guy who tried to get the guys into working. Paul said that whoever wrote the song would be in control. He said if they had to make and album he'd be the one making sure they were up for it. He said it was a bit off putting for him. He said he thought he might have been getting too pushy. He said Ringo kind of liked it and he'd ask him to push them. He said then they got fed up with him. Paul said that it all worked out though.
Howard said of course it did. He said thank god he pushed them because they may have gotten a few more albums out of the band. He said they were all getting tired and they were changing the way the world looked at music and Sgt. Peppers was his statement saying they weren't the Beatles anymore but an imaginary band. Paul said that he was listening to a lot of off beat music at the time. He said it was avant garde music. He said one of the things was a John Cage song that was just silence. He said that was the whole trip. He said he was on a plane and he was with one of the guys who helped out with the band and he asked him to pass the salt and pepper and he thought he said ''Sargent Pepper.'' He said that's where the idea came from. He said he thought about how the whole concept was to pretend to be someone else so that's why grey had the uniforms. He said it wasn't a dream, it was just a concept. He said it was a way to remove themselves from being Beatles and not being fed up with being musicians. He said they were a completely different band. He said it kind of worked too. He said they did crazier things than they had done before. He said that whole thing in ''A Day in the Life'' came from what he had been listening to musically. He said he wasn't himself in that album. He said it was very liberating. He said that's how George came up with ''Within or Without You.''
Paul said he feels the same about his new album. Howard said he's getting to that. He said he got to his first solo album where he does everything. Howard said when he came out with that McCartney album people said it wasn't really a Beatles song. He said this is one that he offered to them and they didn't take it. He played a couple of tracks that he had on his first solo album. Howard said he can hear these songs on The White Album like other songs. He said he's not sure why they didn't think they were Beatles songs. Paul said you try a lot of songs and sometimes you run out of time. He said sometimes it just wasn't the right moment. He said he knew he had other songs than the ones they were doing. He said he'd throw one out and no one would think it was great so he would move on. He said he had other songs like ''Maybe I'm Amazed'' that could have been a Beatles song. He said there are others that could have been Beatles songs.
Howard said this new album is coming out on Friday. He said that his approach to this was to write every song and play every instrument on it like he did with his first solo album. He said that ''Maybe I'm Amazed'' didn't become a hit until he performed it live. Howard played some of the song. He said this isn't one that he offered to the Beatles. Paul said no. He said he had this after The Beatles. Howard said this was to Linda, right? Paul said that they were just starting a family and it was something different for him. He said John was going off with Yoko and he was going off with Linda and they were doing something different. He said it was liberating after the Beatles. He said that he could have sat around just getting drunk. He said he did that too but he liked music too much to leave it.
Howard asked if Linda would have been freaked out by the iPhone. He said she was a photographer. He said that she took some great photos of him and his family. He said imagine if she could see that now. Paul said that has been handed down to Mary her daughter. He said that she would have gone crazy with a camera phone. He said Mary is doing all of that now. He said she took the cover of his album and Linda had done his earlier albums. He said Mary is a really good photographer. He said she learned a lot. He said that she's the one with the iPhone now.
Howard said too much time is spent on who wrote what. He asked if they had just put their names on each song to make it simpler. He said he knows some of them are collaborative. He said that Paul must have added a lot to ''Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.'' Paul said that many of the songs were collaborative. He said that he'd bring a song to John and John would bring songs to him. He said they collaborated on ''A Day in the Life.''
Howard asked if he still questions himself about songs. He asked what the process is like now. Paul said anyone who does anything creative looks at it and judges it severely. He said you want it to be good. He said he's often gone online and thinks about hating a line and he'll keep it. He said you do struggle. He said you work through them and get beyond it. He said that's been going on forever. He said he's always judging it. Howard asked who he asks about it. Paul said he asks himself about it.
Howard said he has no sounding board then. Paul said he will if he has a producer. He said you can tell if you have a good song. He said you like the song and you're excited to record it. He said the people who have heard the album have liked it. He said the reviews have been insane.
Paul said he didn't have a producer on this one so he was making it for fun. He said he didn't think it was going to be an album. He said it was just him and the two guys Steve and Keith who are his engineer and technician. He said that he was just making it for fun. He said he just kept going and made a short song longer. He said that opens the album.
Howard asked if he's a show off. He said that Elton John was on the show talking about how he liked doing studio sessions with other artists. He said Elton said he was so intimidated by Paul. He said Elton said Paul came into his recording session and played something for him asking what he thought about it. Howard asked if he remembers that. Paul said he doesn't. He said that is very typical of him though. He said he does crash sessions. He said he doesn't usually play things for them though. Howard said it was ''Hey Jude'' that he played for Elton. He said that's what he remembers.
Howard said Billy Joel doesn't have the drive to put out new music. He asked if he thinks that waiting for the reviews would annoy him. He said the reviews for his first album weren't great. He asked why put yourself through that process. Paul said he loves music and he's very lucky that he can write stuff and record stuff. He said he can go out and play it live too so he's very lucky. He said that is his favorite thing to do in life. He said if it all stopped tomorrow he'd still try to pick up a guitar and write something. Howard asked if he plays every day. Paul said no but it's often. He said he still has his dad's old piano that he plays. Howard asked if you get attached to instruments because of their age. Paul said this one is a sentimental thing. He said the piano has a long story behind it. He said this piano sounds great too. He said it's a piano that he bought off of Brian Epstein's father who had a music store. He said it was called North End Music Stores. He said he believes that his dad bought it off of Harry Epstein and that whole story is very rich so it makes the piano very special. He said you can get an instant recording with the iPhone.
Howard asked if he has a billion different snippets on his phone for song ideas. Paul said he does have the ability to do that. He said he will start noodling around and find chords and something good might appear. He said he has an iPhone full of little fragments. He said it's too full. Howard asked if he has the phone there. Paul had the phone there so he went through what he had for titles. Howard asked to hear the one called ''John's Boots.'' Paul played the little bit he had on the phone. He said he was singing about John Lennon in that one.
Howard asked if it's true that he says ''Hi John'' when he walks by the hospital where John died. Paul said he does.
Howard said he was shocked to hear that he wrote the song ''909'' very early on. Paul said he and James Corden went to his old house and that's where they used to write songs. He said he and John would sit around writing songs together. He said that song came on very early on before they had any fame. He said that was a very early song. He said that it was a friendship kind of thing. He said they didn't reject the song but they never did anything with it. He said they didn't think it was good enough for a proper record. Howard said it was a great song and it was very sophisticated too. He played some of the song and said everyone loves it. He said the song still holds up too.
Howard asked if he thinks there are songs that he has written and forgotten because he didn't have something like the iPhone. Paul said you have to remember everything. He said they did have paper and pencil. He said that was easy to get a hold of. He said they didn't have any recording devices to carry around. He said they did have a big Grundy recording device that they borrowed from a friend. He said you had to remember songs. He said that worked. He said they'd write something. He said you might forget but then you'd remember it the next day after sleeping on it. Howard said the brain is the worst at remembering. He said that pressure had to be high. Paul said that they figured the other guy would remember it if you forgot. He said they did have the paper and they would write it down. He said they did say if they can't remember it then how are people going to remember it. He said it was actually a good trick.
Howard asked if there are songs that he has secrets to. Paul said he has secrets. Howard said he read that he had a sex dream recently and he doesn't usually have those. Paul said he did have a dream. He said that he was dreaming about the band performing and the audience gets up and leaves. He said he's had that one a lot. He said that he looks at the guys and tells them to do ''Long Tall Sally'' to get them back. Howard said he has a recurring dream like that too where he can't get an album on in time.
Howard asked what the sex dream was. Paul said he was talking about dreams he's had and he told the guy he had a dream the night before and it was a sex dream about someone other than his wife. He said he told the guy that he never touched the other woman. Howard said he would love to have a sex dream. He said all of his dreams are about things he's got anxiety about.
Paul said you can't do it. He said you can have a great sex dream but there's always someone watching. He said it doesn't kind of work. Paul said he's only human so he had that dream.
Howard said Paul has written a lot of songs for other bands. He said he wrote a song for The Rolling Stones that was their first hit. He asked if he ever got into that Laurel Canyon scene. Paul said he never did. He said he was into the London scene. He said that they would ring up the Stones and ask when their single was coming out. He said they had a rivalry but it was a fun thin. He said they would put out songs a month later just so they didn't mess with their song.
Paul said he did a thing with Taylor Swift and she was going to put her album out on her birthday but then she found out that he was putting his album out so she moved the release date. She moved her release to the 10th since his album was coming out on the 18th.
Howard asked if Paul has ever written songs for someone that he never took credit for. Paul said there were a couple that he wrote. He said the fans know about it. He said he used the pseudonym Bernard Webb. He said he has used a couple of pseudonyms. He said it eventually gets out. He said he hasn't done it all that much.
Howard asked Paul about this pen pal he had named Rodrigo. He said when he was growing up he had this friend and where is he now? He asked if the guy was freaked out. Paul said he doesn't know. He said that he never heard back from him. He said that back in the day they did this pen pal thing. He said that they wrote in their own language and it was kind of exciting to do. He said he did that for a few years and it just kind of dried up. He said he's not sure why though.
Howard said Paul wrote a new album, McCartney III, that is coming out on Friday. He said that he has a question about this song he wrote on his first album where he had John Bonham play drums. He asked why he didn't put his name on it. Paul said he thinks they had already released the other and they did the song with John after. He said that he just wanted to see what it was like to work with him. He said that it was more of a fun kind of thing. Howard asked if he didn't like it. Paul said he thinks they had already released it so it was a bonus track.
Howard said the song ''Rain'' is all bass. He said the bass makes the song. He played the song and let that play for a short time. He asked who decides on the final mix. Paul said that it just sounded good. He said no one argued that it should change. He said they would do mixes together and the engineer would set that all up. He said they'd play with it after. He said when you're working and playing that kind of thing happens.
Paul said on one of George's songs he wanted to hear his voice louder so he asked them to turn it up. He said George said to him ''You can hear it if you fuckin' listen.'' He said fair enough to that.
Paul said he has to get going. Howard said he knows and he doesn't want him to leave without him talking about his album. He gave him a plug for this new album McCartney III. Paul said he was playing the songs and wondering what he was going to do with them. He said he figured that since he played all the instruments that he could call it McCartney III. He said that he didn't think he was going to have a whole album. He said there's one song that's 8 minutes long and he thought that he might have to cut it down but he listened to it again and it works so he didn't cut it.
Paul said he thinks that Howard will be interested in the new album. Howard asked if there's any pressure with this one at this point in his career. Paul said not really. He said he and Nancy are having a great time just being together. Howard asked if he painted that painting behind him. Paul said it's not his. He said the name of the artist. Howard said that has to be worth a lot of money. He said he may have told him about that painting. Paul said this is a different one.
Howard said he knows Paul has to go. He said he has a million questions. He said hopefully they'll get to it another day. Paul said he loves doing the show. Howard asked him to sum up the year. He said he must love the mask. Paul said he does. He said he looks people right in the eye and no one knows who this is. Howard said that must be great to be able to do that. Paul said it is.
Paul said even though it's been the most frightening year of their lives these things seem to happen to other people. He said this is happening to us though. He said in this year he thinks we have to take some lessons from it. He said it's quite good to slow down and be with your family and have time for people. He said do that instead of rushing around. He said look for the silver lining. He said it's not over but there's still a silver lining. He said it's brought people together. He said he hopes we've learned something from it. He said he has had some silver lining moments in it even though it's been so crazy.
Paul said he got to spend the first 4 months of quarantine with his daughter Mary and her family. He said that was a silver lining.
Howard said they should give him the vaccine first. He said he was talking about that earlier. Paul said he's not getting that first. He said that he will take it when they say he can take it. He said he's not jumping the queue though.
Howard asked if Paul can speak Spanish at all since he had that pen pal. Paul spoke some Spanish to him and Howard gave him the one line he knows.
Howard said he thanks him for coming on today. He gave him some more plugs for the album and wrapped up. He let Paul go.
Howard said he had so much to ask that guy. Robin said she felt him rushing toward the end. Howard said he got the hi sign a half hour ago but he kept him too long. He said he doesn't care though. He said he wanted to ask why he didn't finish this song ''The Lovely Linda.''
Howard played the song Paul wrote for the Rolling Stones that was their first hit. Howard said that Paul still loves the Stones and will go to see them. Robin said he has such a great time on stage too.
Howard played some ''Oo You'' and said that's one of his favorite songs. He said that he wanted to tell him that. He said he used to play this obsessively in high school. He said he thought it was just great. He said he wanted to know how he wrote this in a barn. He said he had so many questions for him. He told Gary to get him back on to teach them how to write a song. He said he wants a master class on that.
Robin said it's great that they got to spend so much time with him. Howard said he wrote ''When I'm 64'' at the age of 15. He said that's insane. He said he was going to go through so much with the guy but you only have so much time.
Howard talked about the things that they have done on the show and he knew that the people wanted it. He said he knew that people wanted Fartman. He said he knew they wanted the dildos made out of Sal and Richard's cocks for Ronnie. He said he hopes Paul heard that so he knows his genius.
Howard played a couple of Beatles songs before taking a call from fake Rodrigo the pen pal. Howard spent a minute talking to him about Paul.
Howard asked if Rodrigo is French. He said he sounded like Triumph the Insult Dog actually. He played more McCartney songs.
Howard said next time Paul is on he has to ask about the part in ''With a Little Help From My Friends'' because they have the cheers from a Beatles concert in the song. He said he has so many things to go over with him. He said he is a treasure. He said give him the Coronavirus vaccine.
Howard asked if a heroin addict can kill himself with the wrong size needle. Robin said no. She said that they know what they're using and it's a very thin solution. Howard said they have to have a certain type of needle then. Robin said whatever you have to get into your body has to fit through that needle.
Robin said this vaccine has a long needle. She said it's about an inch and a half or 2 inches. Howard said it's about the size of Sal's cock. Robin said it goes all the way to the bore of the syringe. She said they're putting it way in there. Howard said Robin should be getting that vaccine soon then. Robin said they're doing health care workers and then people in nursing homes. She said then maybe she'll be able to get one after that.
Howard said he wants Robin and Paul to get the vaccine. Robin said Howard should get it too because he's a treasure.
Howard asked what the reaction to the vaccine is. Robin said you can get some of the flu like symptoms for a day or two. She said they're staggering giving it to the staff at the hospitals. Howard said Beth goes crazy when he gets vaccinated. He said he gets a reaction and he's such a baby. Robin said she doesn't get freaked out. She said she has had a lot of vaccines in her life. She said just take a vaccine.
Howard said he knows people who have taken drugs and put stuff into their bodies but they won't take the vaccine. He said he has friends who would take peyote in high school but they don't want to take a vaccine.
Howard said he read that 1/4 of the population don't ant to take it. He said they have to though. Robin said she realized that she's surrounded by cowards. Robin said they won't be the first to do anything. She said there are lots of brave people but they wait to see if it's okay first.
Howard took a call from one of the staffers who was playing the part of a 90 year old woman. She said they had to stick the needle up her cunt. The guy was doing an impression of Blue Iris.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was some interview. He said he has to say that he would miss doing interviews like that if he retired. Howard said he wouldn't miss it at all. He said he has to do a lot of research and talk to Jon Hein for hours about the interview. He said there are people he gets on the phone with that he is uncomfortable chatting with. He said he thinks that it's none of his business what he's asking about. He said that's how he is off the air but when he has a microphone in front of him he has no problem with it.
Howard said he's happy to be back for as many years as he can do this. He said it's still a job for him though. He said he wants to do a good job so it's a lot of pressure.
Howard said he can't just have a conversation. The caller said it sounds like it is. He said it's like just sitting in on a conversation and Howard does a great job with it.
Howard said guys like Paul McCartney don't really want to hang around with him. He said he heard that Paul has a Yoga group with Alec Baldwin and Lorne Michaels. He said they're out by him where he lives. He said they could invite him but they don't. He said no one really wants to hang out with him.
The caller asked if he knew that in the song ''Hey Jude'' that they drop the F-bomb and no one really ever hears it. Howard said he didn't. He said he has a million stories like that. The caller told him to find that at the 2:50 mark in the song. Howard said he'd love to ask Paul line by line about his songs.
Howard took a call from Yoko Ono who wanted to talk about the interview. The guys were playing audio of Yoko screaming her ''songs.''
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that interview was the warmest feeling in the world. She said he's so humble and talented. Howard said he was going to ask him if he'd make a mould of his penis for Ronnie.
Howard asked if Mariann has sex dreams where she orgasms. Mariann said no she doesn't. She said she has so much on her mind and she can't do what Robin does. Robin said you do have to clear your mind.
Howard said they got fan feedback about Alex Pettyfer. He said he is a good looking man. He said he went online to check him out. He read some feedback about Robin talking about how that guy gets her off. Howard had a clip from a Channing Tatum interview where Robin asked about working with Alex.
Howard said JD got some praise for his impression of Alex Pettyfer. Howard read through some of that fan feedback. Howard said a lot of people loved that.
Howard said that he wanted to say some things about Cameo. He said it's kind of like someone selling their autograph to you. He said making personal messages and charging people for it is kind of embarrassing.
Howard said the biggest earner on Cameo is Brian Baumgartner who made a million bucks on Cameo in 2020. Robin asked what he changes. Howard said he's kind of a goofy looking dude. Howard said he charges $195 to do one Cameo message. Howard said to make a million bucks he'd have to do 14 messages a day every day. He said he's on the Cameo Legends page and so are High Pitch Erik and Michael Rapaport. Howard said Erik is making good money on there apparently. Robin asked if he's still getting public assistance on there. Howard asked what she thinks.
Howard said this guy from The Office he gets being on there. He said that he has no issue with that. He said he's okay with that. Robin said he found a way to supplement his income. Howard said if he sees someone like Richard Dreyfus on there he doesn't get it. He said Caitlyn Jenner is another one. He said she's charging a fortune to someone. He said she must have money.
Howard said this is what you get from Brian Baumgartner. He said the guys pulled some clips. He said he opens up every Cameo the same way. He played a clip where Brian did his thing in a couple of clips. He started them off the same way.
Howard said Smokey Robinson is on Cameo too. Howard asked what Robin thinks he charges. Robin said $500. Howard said it's $350. He said just listen to this. He played a clip of Smokey talking to someone that he was asked to say hello to. Smokey said they asked him to say happy Chanukah to them. He said he has no idea what that is. Howard said he thinks he's for real saying that he has no idea what that is. He said there are plenty of Jews hanging around in the music business so he should know.
Howard asked how much Robin thinks Lindsay Lohan charges. Robin said like $150. Howard said it's $450. He said he's listening to her message and he feels it's a lot of money for the effort she puts into it. He played the clip and it was really short. It was maybe 10 seconds. Howard said it sounds like she's running out of the room as she's doing it.
Howard took a call from Michael Rapaport who wanted to talk about his Cameo business. Michael asked if they have any ownership over there at Cameo. He said he talks about it so much that he thought he had stock in the company. He said Howard brings him so much business. Howard said he doesn't want to toot his own horn but there have been many lean years in his history. He said there are things that he would and wouldn't do. He said this is a wired enterprise. Michael said it is but he was thinking that Howard owned some stock in the company because he brings it up so much. Howard said he finds it interesting that Lindsay charges $430 and runs out of the room as she's doing it.
Michael said he takes it like a job when he does it. He said you have to make it genuine. Howard said he'd want him in makeup and hair. Michael said people want it to be genuine so you have to take it that way.
Howard said it had to be a big decision for him to do this. Michael said not at all. He said paying alimony is a big decision to him. He said he has to do a lot of Cameos. He said not everyone signs to a $500 million contract for 5 years. Howard said they have to clear that up. He said no one knows what he's earning. He said he'd not going to say what he's gotten but he reduced his hours and stuff. He said what the media reports is a nightmare. He said he doesn't make near that kind of money. He said that he has to get his oven fixed and people think he's making that kind of money now. Michael said maybe he should start a Cameo account. Howard said he's not comfortable with that.
Howard said when he has a new contract here are more articles out about what a scum bag he is and it generates this weird energy around him. He said they make it about how much money he makes and all of this shit.
Michael said he has to defend him on this. Howard said he's uptight talking about money. Michael said he deserves all the money they're going to pay him. He said all of the athletes deserve it too. He said that he's the King of All Media and he created this SiriusXM. He said tell everyone who is bad mouthing him to suck his Hanukkah dick. Howard said he'll do that.
Michael said they should reveal what they're making. He asked if Robin got a bump too. Howard said he doesn't know what Robin got. He said he really isn't comfortable talking about money. He said it brings up such a weird vibe. He said that his family never talked about money. He said he didn't know what his father made. He said that he was prepared for nothing. He said his father didn't like talking with him.
Howard said he was in a panic when his first daughter was born. He said he gets uncomfortable talking about money. He said if you get into radio to make money you're in for a surprise. He said he has so many friends who are suffering in the business. He said it's a horrible business and people are treated like shit. He said there are people who can't make a dime in the business. He said the horror stories are one after the other. He said it's a tough and horrible business but he loves it. He said a microphone and a studio is great for him. He said there was something magical in it for him. Howard said it was designed for him. He said that he knew that from a young age. He said he didn't know that there was no money in it.
Howard said he saw so many big stars in radio with no money. He said they were living in Maine making no money. He said he gets uncomfortable with the notion that he's making all of this money and they really don't know. He said they think he's made enough and it's just fucking uncomfortable. He said no one knows what he's making and what it's based on. He said they have a lot of people who work there and people don't know how all of that works. He said it's really uncomfortable. He said he has to feel the jealousy for the next month or so. Howard said it's just weird. He said that's what's weird about Cameo because you have to tell people what you're making. Robin said they don't know the financial situation of any of those people out there.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said he is a true legend on Cameo. He said he did about 14 Cameos yesterday. Howard asked how long his are. Erik said maybe a minute and a half each. Howard asked if he ever just phones it in and does a 30 second video. Erik said never. He said you want to get it done and make someone happy because that's what you're getting paid to do.
Howard said he doesn't want to be on a service where High Pitch Erik is on the same level as him. He said Lindsay Lohan has to compete with people like High Pitch Erik. Howard said Erik is on there shirtless most of the time.
Howard asked if Erik is doing 14 a day. Erik said yes. Howard asked if he's making a million a year like that Brian guy is. Erik said he doesn't want his finances out there. Howard said they have people like Brett Favre, Flavor Flav, Boston Rob and Carole Baskin on the legends list. Howard asked who Boston Rob is. Gary said he was on Survivor. Gary said they had him on the show a couple of times. Howard said he remembers him now.
Erik said that he woke up the other day and thought about the vaccine. He asked if Howard is going to get it. Howard said yes. Robin said Erik is afraid of the vaccine but he'll put anything into his body. She said he had gastric bypass and he ate right through it. Howard said they say this vaccine is 95 percent effective and we can't stay like this forever. He said he would think that because he's obese and near diabetic that he'd want it. He said he's sure he has some shit going on in there and he should take it. He said he's a guy who takes over a dozen prescription pills a day so why not take it. Erik said he'll take it if Howard takes it. Robin said if Erik took it he would be herd immunity. Erik said he will take it then.
Howard said he's very disturbed by Erik thinking of him like a dad. Erik said he's like their dad and Robin is like their grandmother. Howard let Erik go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to call B.S. on High Pitch Erik. He said he just got a Cameo from Erik for his birthday. He said he doesn't put his all into it. He said he was driving while he did a 30 second clip for him. Howard said he thinks Erik should not be driving while doing these things. He said he should put his attention on driving. The caller said he just doesn't put his all into it.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he feels so bad for Howard when he reads these articles where they discuss his money. He said they're incompetent people and drug addicts bad mouthing him. Howard said there are people who are disgruntled everywhere. He said he won't discuss people who used to work there. He said they're not there to defend themselves. He said those people have ruined their opportunities being on the show and they just ruined it. Howard said he sleeps fine every night so he's not worried about it. He said he thinks he's done admirably in life. Ralph said that's not the person Howard is in those articles. Howard said who cares. He said the NY Post wrote an article about what a scum bag he is. He said that everyone who works there hates him but he can't get rid of them. He said they refuse to leave. He said the next page was about how he could make millions with his paintings. He told Ralph not to worry about it. Ralph said it does bother him because he knows that's not who Howard is. Robin said it's always the same people with the same stories in those articles. Howard said he doesn't give a fuck about it.
Ralph asked if he can get Ronnie to wear a wig when he's getting fucked with his dildo. Howard let Ralph go after that. He said it's been a big day today. He gave Paul another plug for his album. He said tomorrow's show will be a Christmas show sort of. He said George Clooney will be stopping by. He said Donald Trump, OJ, Matthew McConaughey and more will be stoping by. He said he'll even sing some Christmas carols. He said they may even have Alex Pettyfer stop by. He ended the show around 10:25am.
Howard started the show talking about their Christmas show and opening up with a song about the special show. Howard sang about being in quarantine and all the maskless shitheads out there.
Howard said he's been up since 4 in the morning warming up for that. Robin said it's hard to sing in the morning. Howard said he can do anything so he deserves the golden buzzer.
Howard said speaking of assholes not wearing masks he saw that Tom Cruise was shooting Mission Impossible 7. He said he had a meltdown on the set. He said they had to close the set down once because of COVID cases. He said they got into production and Tom spots people not following the COVID guidelines. He said whoever is in charge of that was being lax. He said Tom said he would fire anyone who wasn't following them. He said he applauds Tom Cruise and said he's a hero. He had some audio of Tom yelling at people about that stuff on the set. He said if he sees anyone else on the set doing that they're gone.
Howard said he would make a great shusher. Robin asked why grey don't have that stuff on their minds every night. She said he's so right about all of that. Howard said people are weirdos.
Howard said they've learned that mother nature wants to get rid of us. He said nature is trying to vomit us out and get rid of us. He said that's what happens. He said when there's a virus on the planet mother nature has to get rid of it. He said we're the virus. He said that nature will win, always.
Howard said Tom Cruise is right. He said you have to yell at people like children. Howard said it turns out two people were standing too close to each other on the set by a monitor. He said the movie got shut down once already so they had to move things around. Robin said people still can't follow the rules. Howard said George Clooney has a new movie out on Netflix and he had to go to Iceland to shoot it. He said they shot a lot of it during COVID. He said he bets that he'll agree with what Tom did.
Robin said that people are worried about movie theaters being shut down. She said that Warner Brothers is putting all of their movies on HBOMax. Howard said that movie Gravity came out and they didn't pay the stars big money and then the movie was a blockbuster and they each got $70 million for one movie. He said you won't see payouts like that if this keeps going on.
Robin said that Disney says that they're going to be putting a lot of their stuff out on Disney+. Howard said he was watching Disney last night and he was wondering what's going on with The Mandalorian. He said they put out an episode a week and he hasn't seen the last one yet. Robin said she saw them a few weeks ago. She said that she knows she saw the whole thing. Howard said the last one is coming out on Friday so she hasn't seen it. Robin said she did. She said there must have been something up with her account.
Howard said he saw this episode yesterday and it wasn't the finale. Robin said she's been kind of loopy lately.
Howard asked Arnold what he would do to Robin. Arnold came again. They had the spitting sound each time he'd cum.
Howard asked if a woman has ever come into his house and gotten pregnant from the cum all over his house. Arnold said they have to duck because he shoots his loads like the gun in The Predator.
Howard said he sees him standing nude there and he must be a very strong shooter if he can break ornaments on his tree. Arnold shot some more and hit the Baby Jesus. He broke a few more ornaments too.
Howard asked how he stays hydrated. Arnold said he did make a lot of egg nog. He said he loves nutmeg.
Howard wished him a merry Christmas and said at least he got to hang with Robin today. Arnold thanked him for that. He said Merry Jizzmas and shot another load.
Howard let Arnold go and said this show is a lot of fun. He said he has a Christmas caroler on the phone. He said so many idiots are planning to get together with their families this year and grey could do a Zoom Christmas. Howard took the call from the singer and it was audio of Robin singing Christmas songs. Robin asked who that woman is. Howard said that's a new talent. He said she's fantastic. Robin said she's very strong. They had Robin sing again and Howard laughed and asked if she's Mariah Scary. They had Robin singing even more. Howard said this has been lovely. He thanked her for the call. Howard said this is the anonymous Christmas Caroler. They had Robin singing another song. Howard said she sounds like what Whitney Houston sounds like now. Howard said he can't hang up on talent like this. He said yesterday they had Paul McCartney and today this. He said he really has to go. He said she should go to another house. He said nothing is stopping her. They had Robin singing song after song.
Robin asked if the cat is still gone. Howard said he laid down to watch The Mandalorian last night and Beth was doing her rounds. He said she gets into bed with him and they were on the phone with 3 trappers trying to find this kitten. He said he's there by Beth's side trying to console her. He said he even prayed to Saint Anthony. Robin asked who that is. Howard said there's a weird thing that goes on with Beth. He said she says she will pray to Saint Anthony if you lose something. He said one time he lost his glasses in the ocean and Beth started praying and he put his hand in the ocean and picked out his glasses. He said he swears that happened.
Howard said he went to pray to Saint Anthony and he's not sure how to even do that. He said he went off to do that on his own. He said he found his cat Pebble to pray with since that might impress Saint Anthony. He said he might respond better with a one eyed cat they rescued. He said Pebble ran off like he knew something was going on. He said he found Helen Rose instead.
Howard said he got on a knee and prayed about this kitten. He said he can't stand to see his wife like this. He said he asked Saint Anthony to help him keep his sanity. He said that he had to find this kitten for him. He said he fucking prayed and then he wanted to be a good husband through it. He said Beth came into his office and she was on the floor crying. He said he wasn't sure if he should hug her. He said that might be annoying to her. Howard said if he lectures about people being horrible she won't like that. He said he didn't want to tell her to not get so attached to these cats. He said he suggested that they call some cat trappers. He said she liked that. He said they gave some tips on what to do and that was great. He said they set like 12 traps and got some cardboard boxes of hay for it to stay in if they come back.
Howard said he thinks he was a good husband. He said they got a lot of tips on how to trap this cat. He said they have people who were going to go out and try to catch it. Howard said he could have been lecturing about how fucked up people are. He said he stayed calm and thought he had a solution. He said this kitten is only 8 weeks old and Beth thought that it wasn't going to be found. He said he told her to be positive like him. He said imagine him saying be positive like him. He said his answer is to get crazy and scream like Tom Cruise. He said that he could have been yelling about this rescue stuff.
Howard said being cool, calm and collected isn't his thing. He said they made dinner and Beth was crying through that. He said he kept trying to change the subject. He said she was crying and he'd talk about George Clooney for a bit to get her mind off of it.
Howard said Beth said she was going to be by the phone all night waiting for the call. He said that he was able to watch The Mandalorian. He said he told Beth that she should see Baby Yoda but it had been taken away and the show was loud so she didn't want to watch it. He said he couldn't sleep last night worrying about the cat. He said he got up around midnight because he was hungry. He said Beth sent a text saying they found the kitten. He said he was like thank god.
Howard said meanwhile this morning Beth was on a high. He said she was all happy this morning. He said now he can start venting about this. He said she's all happy about it but they can't keep doing this. Robin asked if they can't give instructions on this cat. Howard said they're good people. He said something weird happened with a screen at their house.
Howard took a call from Saint Anthony who told him to stop jerking off to porn now that he's helped him. Howard asked him some questions about how he got to be a saint and the fake Anthony didn't have answers so he told Howard to stop asking questions. Howard said he must have been impressed that he prayed with his cat next to him. Anthony said that he has enough going on so stop with the bitching and moaning. He said he can't be looking for cats anymore.
Howard said his wife is a saint but see how he suffers when something goes wrong. He said he's had enough of thinking of her. He said now it's about him.
Howard said the Oprah Audio Book sucks. He said he doesn't like this. Howard asked if he can say something. The guys had her saying more stuff about Stedman. Howard said he did understand that one. He asked what she just said. It was something about her making a big shit one Christmas and how good she felt after it was done.
Howard said he likes how they have to use subtitles for Oprah Audio Book. He asked if they guys can hear that it's not good enough for radio. Oprah said bye to Howard and Robin. Howard said they can sense his annoyance at this. Oprah left a short time later.
Howard asked what the hell that was. He said he can understand JD better than Oprah audio book.
Howard said the hook of the song starts the song. He said they put the best part of the song at the start of it. Robin said you want to know why he needs so much help. Howard said it's pretty fucking brilliant. He played the song and talked about how great it is.
Howard said now that Paul explained it to him he gets the chills when he hears the song. He said he can hear the adult John Lennon crying out for help. He said he went through so much as a child and now he wants help. Robin said he doesn't know how to cope with life. Howard said Bon Jovi always says don't bore us, get to the chorus. He said they got to it right away in that song.
Howard said the fans wrote some really nice mail about the show yesterday. He said when he says mail he means email, Twitter and all of that stuff. He read some feedback about yesterday's interview with Paul McCartney. Howard said some people thought it was cool when Paul played that ''John's Boots'' song he had on his iPhone.
Howard read some feedback about Paul saying that Ringo Starr might be the greatest drummer of all time. He had a few comments about that. Howard had Fred play some drumming on ''Rain'' because a fan had written in about how great the drumming was on that. Howard sang along with the song a bit.
Howard read some feedback about Paul flirting with Robin during the interview. Robin said they have a thing. She said she proposed to him one time. Howard read some feedback about that. Howard had a clip from the show where Robin and Paul were talking. Robin confirmed that he was the cute one when he asked her about that.
Howard said Robin is right and that wasn't the first time they had sparks. He had a clip from 2009 when Robin threw herself at Paul. Robin said he didn't know what to do. Howard said this was when he was single. Robin said she had a shot so she took it. Howard played the clip from that show when Robin was trying to convince Paul that she was for him. Paul said this is like the dating game.
Howard said Robin said she was low maintenance in that clip. He said she's not low maintenance. He said that's like false advertising.
Howard said another listener wanted to know more about how he prepared for the interview with Paul. He said he's neurotic. Howard said they asked what he and Jon talked about the night before. Howard said he'll call Jon and talk about things and they write stuff down if they hit something good. He said they do a whole thing. Robin said he says he doesn't have a memory but he does. She said if he hears it then he remembers these things that Jon says to him. Howard said he has no idea how that works. He said he has no memory but he and Jon have about 30 pages of notes and he'll ask Jon to read them to him. He said Jon reads them and he closes his eyes and as soon as he reads them he remembers everything completely. He said he didn't forget one thing. He said it's very weird.
Robin said some people have a visual way of learning and some have auditory. She said Howard is auditory. Howard said he gets so nervous before. He said that he didn't think he would remember it but he does. He said he has no idea what he read to him but then Paul comes on and he looks at him and he remembers everything that Jon read back to him.
Robin said Paul talked about how he would remember songs in his head after thinking he had forgotten them.
Howard said he guarantees there are 30 songs that John and Paul forgot because they didn't write them down. Robin said she's sure they did but the important stuff they held on to.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said McCartney was great and he loves that he's a regular guest now. He said the iPhone thing was great. He said that he'd be thrilled just to hear what he has in his refrigerator. Howard said The Beatles are amazing. He said that all four of them are amazing. Robin said one of her favorite things was listening to stories about George. She said he was the grumpy Beatle. She said he didn't want to do anything.
Howard read some fan feedback about Ronnie and his dildos. He had a few comments about how great that whole thing was this week. Howard said he knows Ralph is making a replica of his cock for Ronnie to stick in his ass. Ralph said he hasn't started yet but he will do that. He said that he'd like Ronnie to wear some stripper heals when he does that. Robin said he'll do whatever Stephanie wants him to do.
Howard said a fan suggested that if they give Ronnie a replica of Chris Wilding's cock that they have him talk him through it. Howard said maybe they can have Ralph do that.
Howard said he agrees with Ralph about the Tom Cruise audio that he sent him. He said he was right to yell at the staff about the COVID rules. Ralph said he should get the medal of honor for that.
Robin said another person is Judge Judy who stood up to someone at a store. Robin said the guy ran out and got a mask and apologized to her.
Howard said he wants to thank them for joining the Christmas show today. He asked Trump if he wants to offer a message of unity. Trump said he would. He took credit for being able to celebrate Christmas. He said it was illegal under the Obama administration.
Robin said she doesn't remember any of that stuff he just said. Howard asked Joe Biden for a message for America. Biden went on to say that he's going to bring America together and he won't argue about his ratings and witch hunts and all of that. Trump told him to shut up. He said he's going to cancel Christmas when he gets into office. He said they all want to cancel Christmas. He said he never canceled anything. Then he ran down a list of things that he did cancel.
Howard asked the guys to give a wrap up. Trump asked for some music and sang a song about seeing Biden stuffing the ballot box in the states that he didn't win in.
Howard asked Joe for a closing statement. Joe started to say something and then Trump talked over him and said ''Lock him up.'' Joe kept trying to go and Trump would talk over him. He said this is like harassment with Joe not stopping.
Howard thanked them for coming on. He let them go a short time later. Robin said that didn't seem to unify the country.
Howard got in a plug for Gardein for sponsoring the show today. He sang the plug at first and then talked about them for a minute. He sang more about the new items they have. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said what a Christmas show they're having so far. He said no Christmas show would be complete without a phony phone call. He said they called a show where they were discussing prostitution. He said they had a prostitute call in looking for a Christmas miracle.
Howard played the call and Chris Wilding called in as the French Canadian prostitute looking for the Christmas miracle. She said she was looking to do a black Friday deal before the holidays. She had a list of things she can do for reduced prices. Her doorbell rang and it was guys who wanted to fuck her so it was a Christmas miracle. She got fucked up the ass while she was still on the phone with the show. They hung up on her and said they can't have people like that on the phone.
Howard said what a show they had. He said they got a fabulous call from a prostitute who had a Christmas miracle. He said it's kind of like that movie ''A Christmas Carol'' where they all get fucked up the ass and get what they want. Gar said that's ''A Wonderful Life.''
Howard they really bonded there. Howard asked if she saw The Bachelorette. Robin said she didn't. Howard said that Chris Harrison was missing for 2 weeks. He said he took his son to college. He said he really missed Chris on the show but he didn't think he would. Howard said he must do something on the show that he doesn't recognize. He said that Chris comes on with the date card and he gets into it. He said he does it in a way that makes it interesting. He said he's good at what he does. He said he can't explain it.
Howard said Beth is doing something that annoys him. He said the Hallmark channel is only playing these love movies on their channel. He said they're the kind of love movies he likes. He said he liked the movie The Kissing Booth. He said it's two people who can never be together but they get together and then the movie is over. He said it's the same thing over and over. Robin said it's the same thing over and over. Howard said he likes that.
Howard said Beth has been watching the Hallmark Channel movies and not telling him. He said she wants to be alone. He said she thinks that he won't like them. He said he loves every one of those. Robin said she has to know. Howard said he asked her to DVR or TiVo them for him. He said that he likes watching some things alone but he would like to see these movies. Robin said she doesn't watch the super hero movies with him. Howard said he's aggravated with her over this. He said he's missing out on something.
Howard said he would be relaxed if he saw them. He said Hallmark made 40 movies this year. He read through some of the titles for the movies they have on this month.
Howard said he knows they're all the same thing and they're all shot on the same set. He said once in awhile they'll throw in some black people but it's mostly white. He said for a while it was lily white. He said all of the movies have the same central theme. He said it's always busy city type people and they go out and meet a country type person. He said it's a farmer or someone like that. He said when they first meet they hate each other. He said he has a clip to use as an example. It was one of those meetings where they meet and hate each other right away. They actually had a bunch of examples and they all sounded very similar.
Howard said it's bad acting too. He said it's one step above porn. He said he loves it though. He said they get good looking people to do these movies. He said that he has seen some lately that have ugly people in them. He said he wants fantasy though so he has to see someone attractive. He said the big next plot point is that they're forced to hang out and then they fall in love but they fight it. He had some examples that he played.
Howard said he can't be the only one who likes this stuff. He said they have a whole channel of this stuff. Robin said it's mostly women who watch it. She said he has to be the only man watching it. Howard said Beth knows he likes it though so he's not sure why she thinks he wouldn't.
Howard said if you really listen to this the townspeople want the couple together. He said you'll see older people run into these two and they say that they make a great couple. Howard played some examples.
Howard said the guy is falling for the girl by this point. He said he wants to play a villager in one of these movies. He said he wants to run the store where they run into each other. Robin said you have to point out that they're not young people. She said this is adult love, not teen love. Howard said she's right. He said they've been through a breakup or a spouse died or something like that. He said he likes the part in the movie where they decide to kiss but then they get interrupted. He had some examples of that to play.
Howard said then there's 10 seconds left in the movie and they realize they're in love and the fuck. He said that's how they all go. He said he loves those movies. Robin said he knows every beat and still wants to see it. Howard said he doesn't want them to change the beat either. He said he wants to see what their lives are like in a couple of years. Robin said it's all about the fall though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his wife watches these movies all the time. He said he'll walk into the room and guess what the plot of the next movie is. He said he always gets it. Howard said you feel really intelligent thinking you know something. He said it always works out that way.
Howard said one year Beth wanted to have a meatless party but Jason said he would miss it so they kept it. He said one year Benjy fingered a girl there. He said a lot of times Ralph will vomit in the bathroom. He said that's what he hears from the guys. He said he's usually gone by that time. He said he wants to throw something for the staff. He said last year Memet and his girlfriend did a Karaoke thing that was choreographed. He said they do this to socialize.
Howard said this year it's impossible to do a party. Robin asked if he did a dance when he realized that. Howard said he did.
Howard said everyone was given a stipend to go get a meal. He said today or tomorrow they'll bring their meal on with them on Zoom. He said everyone will get on and have this party on Zoom. He said he doesn't like it when people eat on Zoom but it might be kind of fun.
Howard said he's going to address the staff. Robin said she wasn't told a thing about this. Howard said he's not sure how this works. Robin said someone should have asked her. Howard said they probably did but she didn't get it. Gary said he's sure that if she checks her email right now there's something there.
Howard said what's going to happen is that they're going to go into their breakout rooms to have private conversations in the party. Robin said she can't find an email.
Howard said Shuli said he's afraid that he's going to end up in a breakout room with Benjy. He said at a party you can walk away. He said you have to spend time with people if you're in a breakout room. He said Gary is afraid he'll see him eating shrimp. Gary said anything he eats will be ridiculed.
Gary said they were going to get something from an Italian restaurant. Howard said he hates the snow and he's so glad that they don't have to go out. He said he's not leaving his house. He said he can stay in and not worry about it. He said bring it on.
Gary said they were going to order Italian but then they thought about getting appetizers. He said Mary wanted to eat after the party. He said someone ordered their meal last night so they didn't have to eat in front of everyone. Howard said it could be fun. Gary said that was Chris who did that.
Howard said he has to make a speech and he's looking forward to that. He said that's the concept for the Christmas party this year.
Robin said she's not sure if she's free for this. Howard said they say they're re-sending her invite now. Robin said she didn't get the first one. Gary said he's sure that she deleted it. Gary said he knows she got one.
Howard said he's not sure what will happen at the party but he can't imagine going into the breakout rooms. He said that Shuli was funny about the Benjy thing. He said you can get stuck with just one person.
Howard asked Shuli what the panic was. Shuli said its not a problem all the time. He said he has a feeling that he'll want to shtick it up at the party though. Robin asked if they're going to be recorded. Gary said no but yes.
Howard asked Shuli how long they can get stuck together. Shuli said it could be 5-10 minutes. He said they're going to be rotating people around. Benjy got on and said that this is a great way to have the party. He said that you can talk easier.
Howard asked Benjy what he's going to have. Benjy said something like beans and some avocado. He said it'll be that and blueberries and nuts too. Shuli said he used to see him down a can of beans early in the morning. Howard said he hopes he ends up on the room with him now. He said that there's no doubt that will happen now.
Howard asked who Shuli would like to be in a room with. Shuli said he doesn't mind being in a room with Benjy but it's not going to be a real interaction. Benjy said he's not a jerk at things like this. Howard said he came to a party dressed as Fred Durst. He said another time he locked himself in the bathroom with his girlfriend. Benjy said that it wasn't locked. Jason said it was locked.
Gary said Benjy wore high heel sneakers to the party and almost fell and killed himself. Benjy said that he didn't almost kill himself. Howard said one year he fingered a girl at the party. Gary said he thinks it was fingering but Jason thinks it was fisting. Benjy said it was Christmas.
Benjy said he would say it if he did it at the party. Gary said they saw his hands up her dress. Benjy said she was kissing his neck and he kissed her back. He said it wasn't even a heavy make out. He said someone started the story about him fingering her. Jason said he saw him doing it. Benjy said he would be talking about it if he did. Howard said that's so inappropriate. Benjy said he doesn't think it is.
Howard said he's not sure why he wouldn't finger his date at home instead of a party. He said this is the shtick that he doesn't like.
Ralph called in and said he took a picture of that night and she was sitting on the banquette and her skirt was hiked up and she was on full display like Sharon Stone. He said she was just all hanging out. He said everyone remembers where it was so they all saw it happening.
Howard said Ralph threw up at the party last year. Ralph said that's fake news. He said he didn't throw up. Jason said someone else saw it but they're a not on air person. Ralph said that's a coward.
Howard said he has thrown up at his house on multiple occasions. He said he believes that story. Robin said Ralph was sleeping on the street at a party she threw once.
Jason said that if you're alone eating on Zoom you have to see Gary's cold sore. He said that's going to be gross to see. Howard asked Gary to show it. Gary said he's had it for about 3 days. He said he's falling apart. He said just kill him now. He said this thing isn't going away. He said it'll go away as soon as they're not doing shows anymore.
Howard asked if he thinks it's stress related. Gary said he has an ice pack on his knee and he's taking medication for that. Shuli said it's like watching a plane with pieces falling off of it as it's flying.
Howard said George Clooney is stopping by so he has to take a break. He wrapped up with the guys and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he's excited that George Clooney has a new movie out on Netflix. He said it's called The Midnight Sky and it comes out on the 23rd of this month. Robin said the movie was great. She said George directed it.
Howard said he's a 2 time Sexiest Man Alive winner. George said he's working on the third. Howard said these pranks that he does are great. He said he called Brad Pitt or someone like that to say that they were trying to undermine his run. George said he did a campaign for Matt Damon and they would run these things in the industry papers. He said he took out ads with Matt Damon in this green speedo from the Talented Mr. Ripley. He said they just kept pummeling it for like 2 years and they finally gave it to him.
Howard asked if the joy is that you don't tell them that you've done that. George said oh yeah. Howard asked what the joy is in that prank. George said he was very vocal about the campaign.
George said that Jimmy Kimmel sends him stuff all the time. He said he'll send out cards from Bill Clinton and he'll send them off to someone and you know that they're framed and hanging in their house.
George said that Brad was staying with him in a house when they were shooting something and Brad told people that he wanted to be called a different name. Howard said Brad is a guy he has targeted for this kind of thing. Howard said Brad goes to the trouble of saying that he doesn't want to be looked in the eye and you have to call him Danny Ocean. He asked when he walks out on the street if people comply with it. George said yes. He said he thought they were just nuts. He said then the papers were reporting what a jerk he is.
George said he got a bumper sticker for Brad's Prius that said ''Fuck cops'' and he had no idea he put it on there. He said he did that to Brad. Howard asked if he got pulled over at all. George said that he came over about a week later and said that was not cool. He got pulled over and the cop asked what that was about.
George said that you get stuff in the mail from fans and this voice coach sent him a folder of like 60 CDs in it. He said it had all kinds of voices in it. He said Meryl Streep was about to play Margaret Thatcher so he sent that thing of voices to her. He said he signed it from Brad and said that this guy was going to help him. Howard went through that story again to get the details right.
Howard asked if he lays awake at night thinking about how Meryl must think of Brad. George said that Meryl came to his house and he told her that night. He said she had no idea why Brad Pitt had sent this dialect coach stuff to her.
Howard said if he did that to him he'd sue him or something. George said that Brad started it.
Howard said he didn't want to go to George's house because he was afraid he was going to do something like that to him. He said he heard he has a bunch of license plates that say ''I like cock'' and he puts them on people's cars. George said he had Trump stuff that he put on cars because you never look at your car.
Howard said his wife told him that he told her about doing this thing. He said George had a friend who got a kitten. George said it was Richard Kind. Howard told him to tell the story. George said he was living with him at the time. He said he had broken up with someone. He said Richard was doing the Carol Burnett show. He said that Richard had this kitten and next to the toilet was a cat box. He said it was always full of cat shit and never clean. He said he was watching Jeopardy and Richard came out and said that the kitten hasn't taken a shit in like 3 days. He said he didn't tell hi that he had scooped it all up. He said the next day he scooped it up again and Richard didn't understand what was happening. He said he didn't know why he was doing it but Richard takes the cat to the vet and the kitten is taking like 15 shits a day. He said he'd push on the belly to feel if it was tight.
George said he was about to scoop it up and he took a giant shit in the cat box. He said he waited for Richard to come home. He said he was watching Jeopardy and Richard is in there a second and he yells ''Oh my god!'' He said the cat is tiny but there's a giant shit in the cat box. Howard said he took a shit and put it in the cat box.
George said that you do think twice about what you're doing when you're shitting in a cat box.
George said he did Jay Leno years later and they told that story and it got big laughs. He said his publicist said that's the first thing that people find out about you when you do your first talk show.
Howard said this is almost sociopathic behavior. George said he did one with Richard and a painting he had. He said he lived in the valley and someone had thrown out a painting on the side of the road. He said there was this giant painting that was like 4 feet by 3 feet big with a naked woman on it. He said it was the worst painting. He said it was getting rained on and he stopped and picked it up and put it in his closet. He said he went to the store and got an easel and some paint. He said Richard would see that stuff set up in the apartment. He said he'd buy paintings and put them up like he had painted them. He said for his 40th birthday he pulled out that horrible painting and gave it to him for his birthday. He said that he signed it and it was up on his wall for 2 years. He said people knew about it but Richard didn't. He said grey would complement it like it was the best thing ever. He said that Richard didn't know for 2 years.
George said that he told that story on Letterman and he told Richard that he should watch. He said he thinks it was on his wall for four years. He said Richard told him he hated that painting.
Howard said he heard a story about Matt Damon being on a diet and George hired a tailor to take Matt's pants in every 3 days so he thought he was gaining weight. Howard said he would lock the fucking door if he was in his house. He said this guy has to have the house rigged. He said that he'd never be able to stay with him.
Howard asked if he was giggling all the time. George said it was great. He said Matt would take his pants to his waist and wonder what was happening. He said by this time he was eating grapes and lettuce. Howard asked when he tells them. George said you can't let him die so he had to tell him. He said Matt laughs because he realizes he's lost a lot of weight.
Howard said he heard a story about telling Jimmy that no one has ever been able to do four laps of his pool and when he went under water he told everyone to leave. George said that was Krasinski's wedding that he did that.
Howard said he remembers looking over one time when he was at Kimmel's party that he saw George and his wife smelling Molly's feet because he had said that they smell.
Howard said he heard another story about him replacing a voicemail message. George said this was before cell phones. He said his friend Tom left a message saying that he liked cock at the end of it as a joke. He said he saved that message and he got the code for his voicemail. He said they were going to go away to Hawaii and they have no phones there where they were going. He said he had his assistant change his outgoing message saying he likes cock as his outgoing message. He said that was over the Christmas holiday. He said that they all came back and they were all hiding in the bushes as he checked his voicemail. He said that he saw them all laughing as they were watching him.
Howard said it's amazing that they all take it so well. George said they all give it out too. He said he has to take it too. George said that voicemail one kind of backfired.
Howard asked if he's always been like this. George said yes. Howard said he heard that he'd take a picture of his dick when a friend would have a camera there. George said they all did that. He said they'd run to the bathroom and take a shot of your ass or something. He said they did it to Pat Boone's camera once. He said his daughter Debbie was over at the house and they grabbed the phone and took pictures. He said he was the one who got a lot of shit later when the pictures came back. He said in those days you sent your film in and they had the pictures in the mall hanging up so people could see them.
George said they did it once at Harry Hamlin's birthday. He said they were all sitting around and he got the camera and he told his friends to do something. He said he told Richard Kind that they all took pictures of their ass even though they hadn't. He said that he got Richard to take one in the bathroom and he got his face in the picture. He said he got a call weeks later from Harry asking what was going on.
Howard said he always flirts with dangerous stuff. He said his father was a famous guy and he heard that he brought him to work with him and he had George run the teleprompter for him. He said George wanted to jump in front of the camera and yell out ''fuck'' on live TV. George said that you plant that in your head and you might not be able to stop yourself. He said he was 12 at the time. He said he thought it would be the worst thing that could happen. He said he'd still be grounded if that happened.
Howard said he thinks that his father wasn't very warm with him as a child from what he's heard. George said that there was never a lack of warmth. He said that they were like north stars for him in this business. He said that both of his parents were.
Howard said his father did tell him that he should have something to fall back on. He said George told him if he did have something to fall back on he would fall back on it. He said he had dropped out of college. He said that his friend had come to Kentucky to do a movie and he went to hang out with them and he got a part as an extra. He said this was Miguel Ferrere. He said that he told hi to come out to L.A. to be an actor. He said his dad told him that his chance of making it were next to none. He said he wanted him to finish his education. He said he was right because it was all luck that made it all work out for him.
Howard said he has a movie coming out on Netflix that would have been a theatrical release but now it's on Netflix. He said the movie business is changing now. He said he was always kind of happy about him making big money on the back end of a movie release. He said that there are so many actors who don't make a dime. He said that you have to have the big guys like George making it to give hope to other actors. He said it would be weird starting out now. George said it would be. He said when he was a young guy watching Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous he was selling insurance and women's shoes. He said he'd see a famous actor talking about how difficult it was and he didn't think it was. He said he assumed if things worked out you'd enjoy it and you'd know you're lucky and you should enjoy it. Howard said there are so many people who want that.
Howard said George told him a story at his New Year's eve party and told him not to tell anyone. He said that George told him a story about how he puts a million bucks cash in a bag for his 14 friends. He said that he thought this was some story that he didn't share with anyone. He said it turns out it's a well known story. He said that he gave each of his friends a million dollars cash. He said he told his wife this story and said that he thought that he had confided in him. He said he was so honored to hear the story but then it's in the paper 2 days later. He said he thought he was the victim of one of his pranks.
George said that it had just happened. He said the funny part is that he was single and making out his will at the time. He said these guys let him sleep on their couches and things like that. He said all through it you wonder what you're waiting for. He said that he wanted to share the money while they can use it. He said a year later he married Amal. He said that karma kind of works out.
Howard said he thinks that Amal was around at that party. George said they were just starting to date. Howard said he ended up in an hour long conversation with this woman at the party. He said he just always looked at George from afar and thought he was going to be a bachelor. He said that was just his life. Robin said he did say that he would never get married. George said he did tell that to Barbara Walters.
Howard said Amal told him about her job and she kept taking calls while she was there. He said she was this guy's lawyer and this guy was in Egypt. He said she was taking calls all that night. He said he knew that George was going to marry her.
Howard asked what the story was there with Amal. George said that a friend asked to bring his friend over to Lake Como. He said sure and he brought her over. He said in walks Amal and she's stunning, funny and sort of the smartest person in every room she walks into. He said he was really taken with her. He said they started writing each other and they wrote for a few months. He said there was nothing sexual going on. Howard said there was some chemistry going there. George said he didn't want to jump the shark with her so he took it slow. He said he's 17 years older than her.
Howard said he has enough humility that he can say that he's a famous movie actor but he can't assume that she's into him. George said that being a movie actor is the least attractive thing you can say. He said it's about the content of your character. He said he was scoring a movie at Abbey Road so he had her come to see that. He said at the time she was trying to work with the Muslim Brotherhood. George explained what the court system can be like in certain countries and how Amal works with them. He told Howard about some of the people she's defending and how she's trying to take ISIS to trial. George said that she's not just defending journalists but she has had a lot recently. He said she's a human rights lawyer and she takes on the worst of us and defends the best of us.
Howard asked if she has a bad day and comes home it must be tough to be her rock. He said she's probably crying about the unfairness in the world. George said the stories of some people are really draining. He said they get lost in the politics and there are real world things going on out there. He said that people will do really awful shit to each other in the name of god or whoever. He said you see it happening to kids and you know there's evil in the world.
Howard said Amal is so amazing and she must tell him to stop with the pranks. He said maybe opposites do attract. George said sometimes he thinks that Americans are scared by the English accent. He said with Amal he thinks that people put her in a place where she's untouchable. He said she's really funny though. Howard said he was mesmerized by her. He said that he told Beth about that when he met her. He said he wondered what the hell was going on. He said he was just dancing with her and George and now she's on the phone to Egypt.
Howard said when you have a woman like that and you have her at the studio what's the move. He asked if she was impressed when she walked into Abbey Road studios. George said that she was dealing with a lot that day. He said it was tricky. He said they went out to dinner and it became romantic very quickly. He said once they knew that they were interested they were together from that moment on. He said they had to hide for a couple of months to be sure. He said they didn't want to end up on the cover of a magazine.
Robin said she had a Princess Di moment when she was captured with him. George said that her father sent her a letter with the 10 reasons that it was a bad idea for her to date him.
George said he saw Howard on the 1st of January. He said by March they had gone on a safari and he had never been to any continent in Africa that wasn't tragic. He said they were standing there and she was smiling and he told his buddy he was going to ask her to marry him. He said they got back and she had to go to London. He said he got a ring and prepped it all. He said he had it all timed out to ask her during this one song. He said he didn't know what was going to happen. He said he hid this ring in a drawer behind her. He said he had his aunt Rosemary's song playing. He said Amal came home from a trip and he had this song playing and he was going to do it. He said the song hits and he asked her to grab something out of the drawer and she sees the ring and she's holding it. Then she sees him on his knee. He said that he knows how long it took her to say yes. He said it took her 20 minutes to say yes. He said that he panicked. He said she was in shock so that's why it took her so long.
Howard asked if he picks out that ring thinking about what the world is going to think about it. He said it has to be the right size. Howard asked where he goes to get it. George said he knew a guy who had this stone he was saving for years. He said he had this guy make a ring for the stone. He said he showed up with it and it was beautiful. He said he didn't think about what the rest of the world would think. He said you do think about her family and friends though.
Howard asked if he called her family first. George said he didn't. He said he thinks it was a good move not doing that. He said he's not sure they could have kept it a secret. He said he really loves them and he's very close with them. He said they're adults now so that doesn't have to happen. He said you don't have to go to the parents to ask at that point.
Howard asked if he evolved into the man he is today because of Amal or did he go to therapy. He asked if there was a change or was it all Amal. George said it was all Amal. He said he hasn't done therapy. He said he thinks they found each other at just the right time. He said luck has to play a big part in this. He said Howard met Beth at just the right time. He said if he had met her earlier maybe it wouldn't be the right time.
Howard said George hit it big on E.R. and the story goes that Steven Spielberg was there. George said he was the Executive Producer of the show. Howard said he saw him and thought that he'd be a big movie star if he didn't move his hands so much. George said it was his head actually. He said that it was really exciting to have him on the set. He said that people didn't really do movies and TV. He said you did one or the other. He said Steven called him over and said if he held his head sill he'd be a movie star. George said he did that and that's how it worked out. He said he thinks he was still trying to figure out what he was doing on that show. He said he was playing this alcoholic and womanizer on the show. He said he was also a pediatrician on the show so he was saving kids. He said that he had a great love interest with Julianna Margulies and he's still friends with her. He said he had done some really terrible TV shows before this. He said one show was called Sunset Beat and it lasted 7 episodes. He said he was playing a cop on a Harley who was a rock star at night.
George told Howard about how he started out working other jobs to get by and once he started working he was making enough money that he didn't have to take another job. He said it was a struggle but he was making enough to make a living. He said making a living in that industry means you're doing okay. He said it's a hard gig. He said that he just hoped that he'd get some good roles as he went on.
Howard said he did Facts of Life, Roseanne, Golden Girls and shows like that. He said if you're making a living then you're ahead of the game.
George said that he could have gone back to selling women's shoes. He said that job is shocking. He said that women lie about their shoe size. He said that's one thing he learned. He said this was back in 1979 or 80. He said he was working in a department store and these women had their fourth toe cut off so they could fit into pumps. He said that if you saw a woman 70 years old you'd take her. He said that they had this wooden shoe horn that had holes in it. He said he'd have to spread blue powder on the women's corn to put the shoe on. Howard said he must have known that the acting job was great after doing something like that.
Howard said a job like that teaches you how to be seductive on screen. He said you have to seduce a woman into buying a shoe. George said the clientele there were mostly elderly women. He said the shoes they sold were for elderly feet. Howard asked if those feet smelled bad. George said that some of them did. He said they smelled like Molly's feet. Howard said he smelled them and they weren't that bad. George said that's right. He said they did smell but not that bad.
Howard said George said that actors cry by trying not to cry. He said that there is a tendency to over act. He said it's a subtle thing. George said he remembers watching his uncle Jose and how he'd spin around to make himself look drunk on stage.
Howard asked if he ever finds a person to do an impression of in a movie. George said he did ''O Brother Where Art Thou'' and Joel and Ethan called him up saying that the guy was a hick. He said he asked his uncle Jack to read the script on tape and he did that accent from Kentucky. He said he was doing this scene and Joel and Ethan came over and asked why he was avoiding the words ''hell'' and ''damn'' from the script. He said it turns out his uncle changed them when he did the read to heck and dern.
Howard asked George about people coming to him for advice on jobs. He said Ben Afffleck asked about doing Batman and he told him to stay away from it. George said he told him to just not have nipples on the costume. Howard asked if he would ever revisit that. George said it's so bad that it hurts to watch. He said if he comes across it he can't watch. George said that movie was just an actor getting an acting job. He said he and Arnold never even saw each other on the set. He said that he just kind of jumped in and did what they said. He said he was bad in it and it's a terrible movie. He said he thinks everyone who worked on that would admit that it wasn't good.
Howard asked if it matters to George when he's nominated for an Oscar. George said if any actor or director or writer or even a producer says that they wouldn't like to have that in their obituary they're wrong. He said he's happy to have a couple on the shelf. He said getting nominated was the most exciting thing. He said he had gone from when none of that was possible and then it changed so quickly. He said that it's all because of E.R. too. He said that show had nothing to do with him. He said they had 40 million people watching that show. He said that was 10 million more than Friends had at 9 o'clock.
Howard said things did change and he went into movies and did well. George said he did 3 movies while he was still on E.R. that were really good. He said they didn't do well at the box office though.
Howard said George got injured on the set of a movie. George said he hurt his spine. He said that the spinal fluid goes through this tube like thing. He said he tore that Dura. He said that it is unbearably painful. He said he thought he had a stroke because of the pain. He said he went to a doctor and he had spinal fluid coming out of his nose. He said they had to do a 12 hour surgery on Christmas eve. He said they had to do this blood patches thing for years after that.
Howard said the pain was so bad that he considered suicide. George said it wasn't like he wanted to die because whoa is me but it was like he couldn't survive like this. He said you start out with pain killers and that's a slippery slope. He said they hand you a bunch of Vicodin and then you think this shit is pretty good. He said after a month of that he thought he was going to be in big trouble. He said he went to a pain management guy and he told him to rethink pain. He said he told him to rethink it and things would get better. He said that worked but it took a while. He said he found that drinking helps.
Howard said he has to get to the new movie. He said that he has so many things to ask him about. He said he was held at gun point by a 14 year old. George said they were in Darfur, South Sudan at the time. He said that there were no stories in the paper about it so he went there to try to get it on the news at night. He said they went there and his dad came with him as the news man. He said that was amazing. He said they were on a dirt road and no one had a gun. He said they had a camera person, his dad and one other person. He said these kids pulled them over and wanted the truck and the stuff in it. He said they stuck a gun to his chest and took what they wanted.
Howard said it has to be something to have that happen. George said he thought they were in trouble. George said this guy who had been there came over to the kid and grabbed the gun away from the kid and treated him like a 14 year old.
Howard asked if he heard this clip of Tom Cruise going off on the people on the set of this movie. George said he did. Howard said he went off on them for not treating this COVID thing seriously. Howard said he found it admirable. He asked what George thinks. George said he didn't overreact. He said he has a friend who works on a TV show and they had something similar happen. He said he wouldn't pull people out like that but he was right about it. He said people have to understand that it's the responsible thing to do. He said he wouldn't do it that way himself. He said everyone has their own style. He said he understands why he did it and he's not wrong about that at all. He said he's not sure if he would have done it that personally. He said he's not sure what the circumstances are though.
Howard asked if he has ever been asked to play James Bond. George said no. Robin said that might be a British thing. George said he thinks that Idris Elba should play him. He said they should just do it. He said why not. He said it would be fantastic. He said it would say a lot about the industry too. He said he thinks it's stupid that they haven't done that.
Howard said the new movie is coming out on Netflix. He said it was shot beautifully. He said George directed it. He said we're streaming movies now. George said he thinks Warner Brothers went a little far with that. He said we're in trouble with COVID right now and they have to protect the theaters. He said that no one is going to the theater for awhile. He said you can't stay home forever. He said you have to go out. Howard said he can stay home. Robin said kids need a place to go for dates.
Howard said this movie would have looked good on a big screen. George said they shot it on 65mm so it was meant for the bit screen.
George asked when Howard started out. Howard said 1976. George said he got into the business 6 years later. He said on Monday mornings you'd get the papers and you'd see the ratings in there. He said you looked to see if you'd have a job the next week. He said there were 64 shows and maybe 20 movies. He said now there are thousands of jobs. He said he thinks it's nothing but great news. Howard said it might ruin the chance of having a big pay day if it's like that though. He said there's no more big movie star. George said he thinks that has been fading out for a while now. He said it seems to be less now. He said he thinks we'll be fine eventually.
Howard said Midnight Sky is a great movie. He said it was shot in Iceland. He heard that his eyelids got frozen shut. George said they did. He said that he had to be brought to defrost. He said that you'd have to shoot fast and then it would happen again. Howard asked if that's still fun because he has a wife and kids now. He said that he must ask himself why he's doing it. George said that's why he goes away to Iceland.
Howard asked why Randy Gerber is so close to him. He said he's Cindy Crawford's husband. George said that he has been friends with him for like 30 years now and they get along really well. He said he's just a really good friend. He said if you're ever in trouble he'd be there for him and he's always been that guy. He said they kind of grew up together doing their different jobs.
Howard asked if he met him when he moved out to L.A. George said he met him early on. He said he's 60 this year. Howard said they're on the back 9. He said that he didn't think he was but he really is.
George asked if he still thinks he's a kid in his head. Howard said he does. Robin said she does too. George said they have chosen professions where they didn't have to grow up so maybe that's part of it. He said his kids are clearly his wife's kids. He said his job is to dumb them down. He said that he teaches them to put the Nutella in the nappy and walk up to mommy eating it.
Howard said it has to be tough for him and his family during their pandemic without a nanny. George said that it's hard to complain about things like that when you have so much. He said he is the one doing the laundry and making dinner. He said he's the chef of the house. He said that it's literally like his mother in 1964. He said he thinks what's interesting is that they have learned what the essential in Essential Worker is. He said people who work in the grocery stores and teachers and people like that are really important.
Howard said he's going to start doing another movie and it has to be a logistical nightmare. George said it adds about 1/4th to the budget. He said that's pretty crazy. He said it slows everything down too. He said that's if they're allowed to do it. He said we're losing 3000 people a day. He said you just want to yell at people to put on a fucking mask. He said that these people who say it's their freedom just don't get how it works. He said you have to have certain rules. He said if you put on a mask we'll get through this.
Howard asked what happened to this country and why don't people want to be patriotic. He said it's so disgusting right now. George said he saw a MAGA supporter talking about how they won't wear masks but they would if Trump told them to. Howard said he doesn't get it. He said Trump is a famous germaphobe.
Howard said Trump would be so excited if he could replace Randy Gerber in George's life. George said the ridiculous part of this is that the religious groups are going for him and he's the most irreligious man he knows.
Howard said Amal must have been freaked out because of what was going on here in this country. George said that there was this guy who ran Mitt Romney's campaign and he asked what was going to happen next. He said that he said that the presidency leaves you and you don't leave the presidency. He said we're seeing that happening now.
Howard said he was thinking about Oceans 11 and he asked Johnny Depp to do it and he turned it down. George said he met with him. He said he was doing something else and he turned it down. Howard asked if he can revive his career with what's going on with him. George said he doesn't know. He said he's not fully up to date on his world. He said he's not sure how Mel Gibson has a career. He said he knocked a girl's teeth out and he has a career. He said he's not sure what's going on with Johnny. He said he knows he's having a tough time though.
Howard asked if his tequila business really sold for a billion dollars. George said he has lost so much money in the stock market over the years. He said he and Randy and Mike did this tequila thing for themselves. He said that Howard was down there in Mexico and he saw what they had going on. He said they got the right batch of what they loved and gave it out as presents. He said that they had a guy down there who said he could sell it for them and four years later they sold it for a billion. He said they never even did a commercial for it. Howard said he seems to back into these things. George said with that one he did. He said they put less than half a million into it between the three of them. He said it paid for itself within a year and they never had to put more money into it. He said Randy knew the business and they were a really good team together.
Howard said he hopes that Amal and Cindy are getting along. George said they're really good friends. He said they're lucky that way.
Howard said he'd like to sum up what they learned. He said they won't see George for another 25 years. George said he has faith that Howard will still be there. Howard said he has a lot more questions for him so he wants him to come back. He said he wants to know how to be a great director. He said he wants to know everything about that. Robin said that it's such a great movie and there are a lot of things she'd like to know about how that works.
Howard said he wants to be that guy who is the last man on earth. He said that he wouldn't be bumming out if he was stuck in his basement. George asked where he is now. Howard said he is in his basement. He said he walks outside to get some air but that's the only thing he's left his house for. George asked if Robin is home too. Robin said she is. George asked if they get claustrophobic at all. Robin said she walks around the house. Howard said he has friends who have accused him of keeping Beth locked up. He said they don't want to leave. He said they're happy.
Howard went over what they learned today and gave George a plug for the new movie. He said they learned a lot today. Howard said he has beaten him for the Best Hair award in America. He said he has beaten him and bragged about it. George said they do both have their hair. Howard said he doesn't color his hair. He said that he knows he thinks he does but he doesn't color it. He said this is his hair. George said that's unbelievable.
Howard said they also learned about the romantic story between George and Amal. He said that Amal kept him on his knee for 20 minutes. He said that she must have just watched the Batman movie. George said could be. Howard said that it's been great to see his evolution as a man. He said it proves that anything can happen in this world. George said he has twins and he has to run around chasing them. Howard said he should have heard his friends talking about what the fuck happened to him. He said that's the conversation going on down in Mexico.
Howard said they also learned that Richard Kind is a very gullible man. He gave George a plug for the movie. He asked if he saw that movie The Kissing Booth. George said he hasn't but he's sure he will since Amal likes romantic movies.
Howard asked if he watches The Bachelor. George said no. He said he does like The Money Heist. He said that is funny, scary and sexy and it's brilliantly made. He said it's like 4 seasons too so you have a lot to watch. Howard said he must have liked Queens Gambit. George said he did. He said he liked that show ''You'' too. He said you know something is wrong when you're rooting for the serial killer.
Howard asked George if he reads a book and wants to make it into a movie does he call the author trying to get the movie made. George said he will do that about 4 times a year. He said there's a John Grishom book that was optioned by Bob Dylan. He said Bob called them asking if they wanted to adapt this book for him. He said yes as soon as he heard the question. He said he was in even though he hadn't read the book. He said they're doing it now. He said he thinks they made the deal already. He said that's kind of cool. Howard said he wouldn't think that Bob Dylan would be into something like that. Howard said maybe he's leaking spinal fluid again and he's not really doing it.
Howard said he couldn't sleep last night thinking about a book he read. He said that he was thinking of calling the author but he changed his mind. He said maybe he will call George and let him do all the work. He said Bob Dylan is smart for doing that. He said he's been a big fan since he was like 17. Howard said it must be mind blowing to him when that happens. George said it is. Howard said he was talking to Paul McCartney yesterday and it still blows his mind after talking to him 4 or 5 times.
George told Howard about meeting Paul Newman and how great that was. Howard said he was a remarkable guy. He said he would never want to race cars and possibly ruin his face if he looked that good. He said he thinks about that with George too. George said he got into a motorcycle accident and he had to stop that. He said that he got launched from that. Howard asked if he skidded out. George said he was going about 70 and a guy turned in front of him and he was launched. He said it knocked him out of his shoes. He said he hit the windshield with his helmet first. He said he's been riding for 40 years and you think you're toast when that happens. He said he landed on his hands and knees. He said if he had landed another way he might not be there. He said he had to stop with the motorcycles after that. Howard said Billy Joel loves motorcycles too. He said he sees too many people losing limbs on them. He said he's not sure how Billy does it.
George said he hit the ground and thought that he was going to be a mess. He said he was bleeding a lot. He said he was screaming and people pulled out their cameras and started taking pictures. He said that he will remember that for a long time. Howard said that is the worst of humanity. He said imagine you see George Clooney's head come through your windshield. He asked how cool that would be.
Howard said they have learned that he loves danger but Amal has put her foot down. He said George is the man. He said he has the big Netflix movie and everyone is excited. He said we're all going to watch his movie on Friday.
Howard and George talked about a scene in the movie that they thought was great with blood in space. Howard thanked George for having him to his house those two years in a row. He said he was feeling like he was in the business. He said that George was very nice to open up that house to him.
Howard said Midnight Sky premieres next Wednesday, not this Friday, on Netflix. Howard said the guy who played the young George was very good. He said he thought that he had his voice down. George said they mixed his voice and his. He said that's Gregory Peck's grandson.
Howard said he's the best for doing this. He said he was his big Christmas show guest. He asked if he has anything to say to America before he leaves the room. George said he thinks we should all remember we're going to get through this. He said it's been a shit year but we'll get through it. He said the vaccines will take hold and we'll get through it. He said don't bail on it now. He said just put on a fucking mask. Howard said leave it at that and put on a fucking mask.
Howard let George go after that. Robin said she just got so crazy that she knocked herself off of Zoom. Howard said he knows she wants him so bad. Robin said she wants to get back on. Howard said he charmed her. Robin said nothing is working now. Howard said it's okay because they hear her.
Howard said Monday through New Years they'll be playing the best of their 2020 shows. He said he knows that Bobo and Jeff the Drunk have been on hold the whole show but they should hold on until new years.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who wished everyone a merry Christmas. Jeff said he would like to thank Gary and Jon Hein for doing a whole show on him. He said he has to correct them on something though. He said he didn't shit his pants, he fell on his blister. Howard said he knows what he's talking about. He said he had a big, pus filled boil on his ass and he broke it.
Howard said he wanted to wish Jeff the Drunk Puppet a happy holiday. Shuli did his thing with the puppet. He did the voice and had Jeff taking a hit and then coughing. He had Howard cracking up. He asked him to do a replay of that so he did.
Howard said he's so glad they cleared up that Jeff didn't shit his pants and it was his blister the burst open. He said he would never forgive himself if people had that horrible thought in their head. Gary said he also left him a voicemail yelling at him for saying he had quit drinking. Howard said he's ruining his reputation by saying that.
Robin asked if he's going to say merry Christmas to Bobo too. Howard said thanks for reminding him. Howard got Bobo on and he asked if he has ever taken advice from any of his guests. Howard said yes he has. He said he has to think about that more since he's so exhausted right now. He thanked Bobo for the call. Howard talked to Bobo Puppet for a second and said they have to let things go away at some point so read the room.
Howard wished Mariann from Brooklyn a merry Christmas. He got her on and she was talking about how great the shows have been this year. Howard thanked her and hung up on her. He said he has a headache.
Howard had fake Simon Cowell on Zoom to say hello. Fake Simon insulted Howard a bunch. Howard told him to go fuck himself. They went back and forth for a minute with the insults. Howard let him go after a few minutes of that.
Howard said that wasn't the real Simon Cowell but maybe one day he'll get him in there to find out what he's up to.
Robin said George was great to talk to. Howard said Jimmy and Molly got him into George's house down in Mexico. He said it was pretty great. He said he has pictures of himself dancing with Amal and George. He said he felt like he was in show business. He said he really liked that Amal. Howard said Jimmy and Molly are like his show business party brokers. He said they get him into those parties. Howard said Cindy Crawford was at that party too and he shimmied his way over to dance with her and her husband. Howard said he didn't want someone stealing his wife away if he stayed on the couch so he had to dance. He said he had to be ''fun Howard'' for a while. He said he doesn't know how to dance so he does the goofy move. He said he was just trying to fit in with people.
Howard said he couldn't tell if Amal was into him or not. He said he did spend an hour talking to her though. He said she had to go off and save someone on the phone. He said maybe she was faking those calls. He said he was fascinated with her though.
Robin said she's not sure why he wouldn't go back to George's house. Howard said that guy will ruin your life. He said that's why. He said he doesn't need an ''I love dick'' bumper sticker on his car or him shitting in his cat box. He said he's a really nice guy but he's not comfortable staying in someone's house.
Howard said they ate dinner at 4:30 last night. Howard said he's not going to stay in someone's house to be at their mercy. Howard said he doesn't want to be that guy so he's not a good guest.
Howard said he doesn't want to go out so he'd just stay in the house anyway. He said it's not fun to have him there.
Howard said Kidd Chris sent him something last night. He said he got a note from him and he wants to read it. He found it and said that Chris wrote him about some Steven Stills recordings that were found that were thought to be lost. He said this is ''Suite: Judy Blue Eyes'' as it was laid down in a studio session he did after recording with another artist. Howard played the clip of the song.
Howard asked if that's genius. Robin said it's all there. Howard said he had it all figured out. He said it's so raw and brilliant. He said that's amazing. Robins said she wishes she could just sing. Howard said that's what's great about Paul McCartney. He said he can do it all and he was the cute Beatle. He said that's really not fair.
Howard said he wants to say to everyone have a wonderful Christmas and a wonderful new year. He said just wear a mask. Robin said that people are suffering in the hospital right now because of Thanksgiving. She said just plan on having a great Christmas next year instead of this year. Howard thanked everyone for the support and putting up with the bumps through this COVID thing. Howard played more of Robin singing. He wrapped up and ended the show around 11:20am.