Howard started the show talking about how he had a sex dream about Robin. He said that's kind of shocking after all these years. Robin said it's time for them to leave then. Howard said he was laying down on his back and she had her head on his chest. He said he was wearing pajamas which he never does. He said her head was on his chest and they may have been in a bed. He said it was vague. Robin laughed. Howard said then his penis was against the opening of the pajamas and it felt good. He said he was thinking he was getting aroused. He said he had to be cool since he was with her. He said he was fighting with his erection the whole time. He said that was the whole dream and nothing happened. He said here was arousal almost happening.
Fred played Robin saying ''Four inches is fine!'' Howard said she was very understating in the dream. He said she did nothing wrong except put her head on his chest. He said he was kind of surprised by that. Robin asked if she initiated that. Howard said yes she did. He said at least he didn't push her head down to his penis. He said he debated on telling this story. He said he didn't want her dry heaving on the air. Robin said that's silly.
Howard said this happened maybe Thursday night. He said on Wednesday it was Bang O'clock so he didn't think about that. He said maybe it was the next night. Fred played Robin saying ''Is it growing?'' over and over. Howard told Robin to tell everyone about the sex dreams she's had about him. Robin said she's never had any. Fred played her saying she loves facials. He had her saying she loves ass and things like that.
Howard said he will be talking to Wolfgang Van Halen later today. He said he's going to talk to him about his dad and about the music he's creating. He said he's got a lot to talk to him about.
Howard said he doesn't think that Wolfgang has spoken about his dad anywhere else. He said he's glad he'll be on the show to talk to them about that. He said he's going to ask him about his Robin dream too. He said he'll be premiering his song ''Distance'' which has a stunning video to go along with it. He said if it doesn't make you cry he doesn't know what will. He said there must be something wrong with you.
Howard said it's hard on his mother because the two of them just hang with each other. He said he has to be careful about what he brings up or he gets the tale of whoa. He said they're not happy about the food they get at this place they live in. He said he pays for this place. He said his mother tells him she's not sure what to do about the food. He did his impression of her talking to him about that. He had her talking about the ribs they got and how horrible they were. She said the noodles weren't cooked with another meal.
Howard said they have 9 million restaurants around them there. He said why not just order in from a restaurant. He said she can't deal with that. He said he has people to help them out but she won't ask them. He said that he's paying this ridiculous amount of money for them to be taken care of. He said that they can't deal with it.
Howard said he had to take a second job to pay for taking care of them. Robin said just have this person who takes care of them to plan their dinner and give them a selection. Howard said he's not doing that. He said he has to take care of too many things. He said that his mother is fully capable. He said he doesn't want to be involved. He said he has to get out. Howard said he's near a nervous breakdown.
Robin said one good meal and she'd think it was delightful. Howard said he's done that 20 times and it never works out. He said the food comes cold and she freaks out about that. He said she changes the subject when he talks to her about it. He said he can't even tell you about half the conversations grey have.
Howard said it's no wonder he's cradling her in his dreams. Fred played more clips of Robin saying sexual things.
Howard said his mother thinks she's suffering so much. He said years ago she had no heat for like 3 days in their old house. He said he told her to come over to his house and she stayed there waiting for the heat to come on. He said she kept asking when grey were going to put the heat back on. He said they eventually came over. He said the car had heat. He said it took them an hour and a half to get there and she was wrapped up in a blanket. He said she was still cold even with heat in the car.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked why he doesn't have his parents come and stay with him now. Howard laughed and said she's a funny woman. He said now here's someone who should be writing comedy on their team. He said give him her number and he'll call her. She said she'd do that. Howard said he'd rather live at Guantanamo. The caller said that she's thinking about how fun that would be to live with him and Beth. Howard said she must be related to Don Rickles because she's so funny. He said that's a bad idea.
Howard said he has suggested that but they don't want it and he doesn't want it. He said it's better that they don't come over.
Howard said he had his parents with him for 3 days and thought it might b nice. He said he left their house at 18 and never looked back. He said that was enough with them. He said his mother kept calling their neighbor to find out if the power was back on. He said they just wanted to get home and be with their things. He said they had things to do.
Howard said his parents couldn't wait to get back home and out of his house. He said they were miserable. Robin said she was wondering if his mother has any moments of happiness. Howard said he doubts it.
Howard said his parents had to get back home to sit around. He said they have a routine they like. He did his impressions of his parents talking about all of the things they do. He had his father talking about his mother doing meditation and her taking a shower. He said they have things to do.
Howard had Ray talking about how Ben has to read the paper. Robin said what she's doing is a mystery. Howard had his mother asking who that woman is. He had her talking about eating dinner at 4 and watching Seinfeld. He said they go to bed at 7 and watch more Seinfeld.
Howard had his dad talking about how much he likes Seinfeld. He said they could watch it at his house.
Howard said he doesn't know what they fuck they're up to. He said he just knows that when he calls everything is wrong. He said he's found solutions for them and they call cost ''D O U G H.''
Howard said this lock down has caused them problems. He said his mother is talking about how she's not sure how much more time she has left and she can't even see her children. He said she asks what this Trump is doing. Howard said that gets her off of other things. Howard said the man hasn't gone to a COVID meeting in over 5 months. He said the guy is insane.
Howard said he's going insane with this guy saying he didn't lose the election. He said it's like living in the Twilight Zone. He said in 2016 he said it was rigged and then he wins and he's screaming that if he loses it's rigged. He said now he lost so it's rigged and he's screaming that it was stolen. He said stop being a fucking baby and help this country and do something. He said calm down your loony followers and move on. He said it's just so fucking depressing and stupid. He said COVID is running rampant in this country now. He said this couple has been quarantining and they decided to have another couple over to eat outdoors. He said they followed all of that and they go inside because it's cold. He said it turns out the one friend did have COVID and now all four are in the hospital. He said it's crazy what's going on. He said now Biden can't get his transition team together because the funds won't be released.
Robin said down in Peru they were screaming about what's going on and that's what Trump wants happening here. Howard said he's not sure why the fuck we're putting up with this.
Howard said they dismantled the postal service to slow down the mail. He said it's things like that going on that Trump is afraid of Biden's administration looking into.
Howard said Trump was going off on FOX News over the weekend. He said now he likes the OANN network. He said he's going to start his own network now. He said that will fail in a year just like all of his other businesses. Howard said in any other time they'd cart this guy off with a mental condition. Robin said the man is not wrapped tight. She said he does have a mental condition. She said that he did admit that Biden won but he claims he did it illegally.
Howard asked how he hasn't been to a Coronavirus task force meeting in 5 months. He said there was some good lock down advice in Michigan and his expert on Corona came out and said don't listen to the advice from the governor. He said he can't watch the news anymore.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on in this country. He said there's the MAGA march with people not wearing masks. He said people are so stupid. He said the governor here had to say that gatherings of over 10 people are dangerous. He said he was trying to say cancel thanksgiving. Howard said that most of their staff have canceled but Sal is going to his cousin's Thanksgiving. Robin said they try to talk sense to people and he's not getting it. Howard said he sees people having birthday parties and things. He said he doesn't know what's going on.
Howard said we are fucked. He said that's what's going on. He said the Coronavirus is more out of control than ever. Robin said the people she feels the most for are the people in the medical profession. She said they are overrun and they don't have enough staff or equipment.
Howard said he has to give a shout out to Bill Maher who was right all along. He said he watches that guy religiously. He said that he said that Trump won't leave if he loses. He said he was right all along. Robin said she blames Bill for giving him that idea. Howard said he has said all along that he was unhinged. Robin said she's not letting her country be taken over. She said it might be up to the people to demonstrate that he is no longer wanted. She said it might be a general strike they have to do.
Howard said Robin reminds him of Norma Ray. Robin said there's no reason to bring guns into this. She said that we don't have to put up with this. Howard said if he doesn't leave then we don't have to go to work? He said he's all in. Robin said that he's like a gangster. She said they don't care about the law. She said that all of the people following the rules will stop following the rules if he stops.
Howard said he thinks Ronnie might fuck hard. The caller said Ronnie likes getting fucked. Howard said the week after Thanksgiving they're going to get a comparison of dildos from Ronnie. He said he'll be doing that then.
The caller asked if Gary or Fred fuck harder. Howard said he think that Fred is in better shape than Gary. He said Gary had a knee replacement and he has gained a lot of weight. He said that he didn't see his body for a long time but he saw it on Zoom and he's put on weight. Gary said he hasn't exercised since April. He said he put on about 8 and he had to lose 15 to begin with. He said he's having another knee surgery next week so he's out of commission until next year.
Howard asked if he has cut down on eating. Gary said not at all. He said he wants to but he hasn't.
Howard asked Gary if he can fuck hard. Gary said no. He said he can't be on top. He said he can only have her on top or do it from the side. Howard said Gary fucked a girl when he was younger and she puked all over the place. He said Gary kept going so he used to be able to fuck hard. Gary said the pain this week in his knee is really bad. He said he had to get off of all medications so he's down to Tylenol now. He said that it's tough getting up and down stairs. He said he'll have to send him a video. He said his dad could beat him going up and down the stairs. He said he has to do one step at a time and it's just terrible.
Howard asked if he's going to be able to walk. Gary said yes. He said the left side is better but it's taken 3 months. He said he can go full tilt on it but he can't because his other knee is so bad. He said he tried to go for a walk and it hurt so bad he wasn't able to walk.
Howard said that trampoline must be useless over there. Gary said he gave that away years ago. He said it was very windy last night so it might be back there though. Howard said it really was windy out there. He said he loves storms. He said he loves any excuse to stay indoors. Gary said they were pulling things indoors to keep it from blowing away. Howard said he had some stuff he had to bring in. Gary said he had outdoor heaters and things he had to bring in.
Gary said he and Mary had a big fire pit for two the other night. He said they bought one of those stainless steel smokeless ones. He said they can't be in the house. Howard asked what he means. Gary said he can't say as of today that he'll be inside. He said they have to go outside. Howard said he can stay inside all the time. Robin said that fire pit won't keep him warm. Gary said he can't be stuck in the house. Howard said he loves being in his house. He said he just wants to be inside.
Gary said there are some days when he has to get some air. He said there are times he's been inside from Sunday to Wednesday. Howard said he hasn't been outside in days. He said they just stay in. He said he's so happy just staying in. He said in Summer you have to go out and enjoy the weather. Robin said she walks around outside for a little bit to get some fresh air. Gary asked why she needs that. Howard said Gary has to go out and shiver outside. Gary said they bring out a speaker to listen to music and have some drinks by the fire. Howard asked if they sit there for an hour. Gary said yeah. He said they just sit and talk. Howard said he's not sure how Mary married him. Gary asked if he thinks it's weird that they do that on a Saturday night. Howard said it's bizarre to him.
Howard said if anything he'd walk out for 3 seconds. He said it's smoky. Gary said it's smokeless. He said he's not sure how that works but it kind of does. Howard said he used his fire pit like once. He said it was horrible. Gary said they hate life. Howard said he loves life but it has to be indoors. Robin said she considers her house all of the things around her. She said that she looks at things outside but then she goes inside. Howard said that's why he dreams about her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that his wife's ass in a thong looks better than a naked ass. Howard said the naked ass is kind of gross. He said the thong is kind of dressing it up in a way. He said the ass where the hole is where the shit comes out looks better covered up a little bit. The caller said that he tells her to put the thong back on. Howard said Robin wears a thong.
The caller said that Robin is 100 percent right about the health care workers being over worked. He said they're trying to figure out how things are going to work when they have workers in the office sick. He said he's not sure what they're going to do next.
Howard said his daughter is a health care worker and she's stressed out. He said the system is so taxed and we have no leadership in the federal government. He said everyone is winging it. He said that we're in such a mess right now. He said we have to move on to happier things.
Howard asked the caller how long he's been married. He said 18 years with two kids and his wife still looks good in a thong. Howard said that's great for Paul Bobo.
Howard said he was thinking about what it would be like if people were sitting outside by their fire pit in the middle of winter. Robin said she was thinking about what it would be like if it was like that movie The Purge.
Howard said he was watching Fear the Walking Dead. He said it's good so far. Robin said Fear the Walking Dead has been on for years. Howard said maybe he's watching something else. He said it's something else. He said it's a new one. He said it's called ''Beyond the Walking Dead.'' Robin said she has to check that one out. Howard said he hasn't seen Fear the Waling Dead. Robin said there's something on Hulu called Treadstone that's like the continuation of the Jason Bourne series. She told Howard what that's about.
Howard said the news is reporting that a new vaccine is 94 percent effective toward COVID. Robin said it's going to take a while to get to people though. She asked where they are with the testing. Howard asked Jon if he has more information. Jon said that what Howard is watching is World Beyond. He said that what Robin is watching is Fear the Walking Dead. Jon said they're all on AMC.
Jon said the new vaccine is 95 percent effective and it's similar to the Pfizer one but they're saying that they have to bring the out by Spring. He said they have to figure out how to get it out there for people. Jon said they have to do more tests. He said Pfizer may be out by the end of the year and the Moderna one may be out by Spring.
Robin asked what the 95 percent effective thing means. Jon said they say that 95 percent of people tested didn't get the Coronavirus. He said they have to do peer testing and other testing. He said then they'll be readily available.
Howard said he wants all of the Coronavirus vaccines. He said shoot him up. Robin said from what she understood she thought that many of the vaccines were going to mitigate the symptoms if you did get sick. Jon said they have to determine that. He said that they have to get 50 percent to get FDA approval. He said 95 percent is remarkable.
Jon said that Dr. Fauci was saying that they could get the Pfizer one out by the end of the year. He said that would be remarkable. Howard said he's not sure what Trump is up to because he said he may not give it to New York. He said that he can't wait for some normalcy in this country. Robin said grey have to build refrigeration units to store this stuff. She said she thinks that Johnson & Johnson's doesn't need that.
Jon said they say that they could have 30-40 million vaccines ready by the end of they year. He said they'd have to figure out who would get them. He said with Trump he has no plan. Howard said he'll go last. He said he doesn't need to rush.
Howard said he has a lot to get to today. He went over a bunch of those things and got in a plug for Casper mattresses who sponsored the show today. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and read some fan feedback about Chelsea Handler. He had some feedback about Ronnie and his dead pets. He read through a couple of those. Robin said she was thinking about how he has a headstone and visits his dog. Howard said Ronnie's other dog died over the weekend too. He said his condolences to Ronnie.
Howard had more fan feedback about King of All Blacks calling in during that segment. He read some comments about that and people were upset that he took his call and thought it was mean for him to call in the way he did.
Howard said King of All Blacks left them a voicemail last week and said that he was upset that he treated Ronnie the way he did. He played that voicemail where King said he has to give Ronnie props for having a heart about his dogs. He said he didn't know that about Ronnie and he respects and appreciates his feelings on dogs. King also said that he knows he voted for Trump.
Howard said Ham Hands Bill called in and talked about the shit he took. He said that was some picture he sent in. He said that Metamucil does add bulk and fluff to your shit. He said the fans were disgusted but it made for great radio. Howard read some comments about that.
Howard said Bill has a picture of Robin sitting on his lap from his first visit to the show. Robin said she has no memory of that. She asked if there was a gun there to make her do that.
Howard said Bill does a great El Chapo impression so they have a new bit that he did for them. Howard played a clip of Bill talking about the suit he wore in that picture with Robin. In that clip Bill talks about how he saved it because it has the smell of Robin on it. He was talking to Richard about that picture Howard showed to Robin. Bill said he kept it so it still has the sweet smell of Robin's butt cheeks on it. He said Ralph is the one who took the picture and it took 10 minutes to take it.
Howard played some audio of Bill doing his El Chapo impression. They had Bill in prison trying to get out and how he won't sniff Robin's yummy panties if he gets out. Howard said it's always about Robin. Robin said it's always about her panties.
Howard asked how lucky they are to have Bill doing that El Chapo impression. He said Saturday Night Live is trying to steal him away. Robin said they're in trouble if they can't get him since they're losing Jim Carrey as Joe Biden.
Howard played more of the Ham Hands Bill impression of El Chapo. Howard wondered if El Chapo really sounds like that. Robin said she's fascinated with that echo in the bit.
Howard said Suzanne is obsessed with the way Dracula is portrayed in movies. He said she recently had a conversation with Shuli about the Leslie Nielson movie ''Dead and Loving It.'' He played the clip of Suzanne talking about that movie and how she despises it.
Howard asked Shuli how he doesn't laugh during this. Shuli said part of it is fear. He said the other part is that he knows more is coming after if he doesn't laugh. He said Jay Thomas was great like that. He said he never laughed at crazy stuff like that. He said there's no horsing around with her. He said she's all business.
Howard said Underdog wanted to tell the real story of Dracula. He said that Shuli called her to make a pitch for a movie. Howard had some audio of Underdog talking about how they have to keep this all away from Howard because he would ruin it. Shuli told her that they'd air it on his channel. Suzanne said that she thinks that Howard and Robin would get in on it like they did with some other thing she had done.
Howard said she wants to do this special about Dracula. Shuli said this year he told her she has this story she's done as a one woman show. He said he told her she could tell the story her way and let them air it. He said she is more focused on her legacy than anything else. Howard said he'd never put that documentary on. He said it would be boring. Shuli said you don't have to tell him. He said he went ahead and recorded it and he has it. He said they're over an hour already. He said she wants music put to it. Howard said with the one hour special he has it ready to go. Shuli said yeah. He said no offers are coming in for it. Howard asked if it's impossible to get through. Shuli said if your a fan of Underdog you'd sit through maybe a] half hour. He said you'd have to tap out at some point. Robin said maybe they make it a serial and run it in 15 minute increments.
Howard played a clip of Suzanne talking to Shuli about how this show would run around the world. Suzanne said that she would hope that the Romanians would appreciate it in his homeland. She sounded like she was near tears talking about it.
Howard asked who wrote Dracula. Robin said it was Bram Stoker. Shuli said that Romania was his place of birth. Howard said the writer was from here though. He said Romanians don't care about that. Shuli said that this woman has a nervous breakdown going to get her mail. He said she can't go to Romania.
Howard said that Sirius is on in Canada and the United States. He said it's not on around the world. Shuli said if you have the internet then you can hear it around the world.
Howard said Shuli grew back his Mandy Patinkin beard. Shuli said his mom isn't happy about that. Shuli said that he sort of fits in down there in Alabama. He said he saw a box of Twinkies cereal in the grocery store there. He said he's never seen it before. He said it looks like little baby dicks all over the box. He said he'll send Jason the picture of it. He said he saw pancake syrup that was Cap'n Crunch, Crunch Berry flavor too. Howard said the life expectancy down there must be like 25.
Howard said that Shuli wanted to be sure that Suzanne would be comfortable with her special running on his channel. He played a clip of Shuli talking to her about that and Suzanne was upset about what might happen based on previous experiences. She sounded like she was about to cry and said she'd do it.
Howard said Shuli brings up his name and she starts to cry. Shuli said it's her Vietnam and 9/11 rolled into one. Howard had Shuli do his Underdog impression when he brought up his name to her. Shuli had her breaking down and crying over Howard's name being brought up.
Howard said Suzanne worries about aging. He said that she's no spring chicken and she still wants to be able to do this. Howard played another clip where Shuli talked to her about heaven and if she believes in that. Suzanne said she's worried that her health will not hold up until 2031 when Dracula turns 600. She said she can't imagine doing that after that. She said in 2031 she'll be 79 years old.
Howard said Vlad the Impaler was a real person who lived in Romania so he's wrong about that. He said that the Romanians would care about it.
Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Suzanne about the way she says her age as ''Seven nine'' instead of seventy nine. She said that she's afraid that people will find out how old she really is and give her a hard time about what she does. Shuli told her that she's a super star in his world. She giggled at that. Shuli said when he gets her to giggle he knows it made her day. Howard said you know that she's not giggling that much.
Howard played a clip of Shuli getting anniversary dates from Suzanne about stuff that was coming up. Shuli gave her a laugh during that one and it seemed to throw her off.
Howard said that Suzanne's ability to remember anniversaries is amazing. He had her giving another anniversary about the Hiroshima and Nagasaki atomic bombs. She said they used some after those two but that is the 75th anniversary. She told Shuli to alert Howard to that. She said don't tell him that she said it though.
Howard said Suzanne wants him to know that the anniversary is coming up but don't tell him that it came from her. Shuli said she has changed on Howard quite a bit. He said he was talking to her the other day about him possibly retiring and she had some interesting thoughts on that. He said he doesn't want to blow it but he'll have the audio soon. He said it's interesting.
Howard said he doesn't even want to have her on the show live. He said it's better when they reduce it to clips. Shuli said he talks to her and every conversation is a minimum of 20 minutes. Howard said that's where he had trouble with her. He said he'd jump in and she'd get upset. He said it's better that she talks to him and they edit the tape.
Robin asked if she knows this is happening. Shuli said of course she does. Robin said she's shocked she goes along with this.
Howard said Shuli broke the news to Underdog about his big move to Alabama. He played the clip and Shuli told her that he moved out of New York. Underdog asked if he has the same cell phone number. Shuli said he does and he moved to Alabama. Suzanne asked if he's' still one of Stern's Minions. Shuli said he is as of now.
Howard said she's very attached to Shuli. Shuli said if Howard doesn't come back he's still going to be attached to her. Howard said when he heard that he moved to Alabama he had the same reaction that she did. Robin said they're finally all having the same reaction.
Howard said Underdog is really attached to Shuli. He said that she once gave him a Dracula kiss on the neck. He played a clip to refresh everyone's memory. In the clip she gave him a kiss on his neck and sucked his neck like a vampire.
Robin said that was the most normal she's ever sounded. Howard said she had some kind of juice in her refrigerator that she uses as fake blood. Shuli said she's having a Roman feast around Thanksgiving. Howard asked if the kiss felt good. Shuli said it felt very strange. He said it was very soft. Howard said he loves Suzanne and getting updates on her. He said he's glad to hear she's okay. Shuli said she's back to work. He said she works in a building in a factory or something. He said they're giving them 3 days a week back at work and she's very excited about that. He said she was walking around the house with her mask on to prepare for going back to work.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he almost crashed his car hearing that kiss on Shuli's neck. He said he feels sick. Howard said he thinks she's totally charmed by Shuli. Robin said she would be afraid for him if he visited her a lot like that character in Misery. Howard said she's a lovely woman who is into Dracula and Underdog.
Shuli asked Bobo if he bounces that question off his wife before calling in. Bobo said he bounces it off himself. Howard said maybe try doing that with his wife.
Howard said Steve built his own drill and 5150 guitar over the weekend. He said Steve once built a replica of their studio in Manhattan. He said he's a big obsessive in that way.
Howard asked Steve if he's a huge Eddie Van Halen fan. Steve said he and some friends are. He said that he built this guitar over the weekend. He showed that to Howard and said that there are guitar builders who will build you something and then you can do your own thing to them. He said he does some of his own work to it to make it look like a replica. Howard asked why he would do that. Steve said he went through pictures all over the place to find out how the guitar looked and told Howard how to got that look.
Howard said Steve is building his own Valerie Bertinelli replica next. He asked about how Wolfie is taking over the building of the guitar replicas now. Steve said that was great news to hear. He said that he was very relived to read that after his dad passed away.
Howard said Steve built a power drill that Eddie used. Steve said it's a drill from the late 80s that Eddie used. He demonstrated what he did with that back in the 80s. He played some of that. Steve said he spent his whole weekend doing that stuff. He said it was an Eddie Van Halen weekend for him.
Howard asked if Wolfgang likes to be called Wolfie or Wolfgang. Steve said that he's not sure but they'll find out today. Howard asked where he was when he found out that Eddie passed. Steve said he was right there at his desk. He said he's glad that he was home because he broke down for a few days after that. He said Eddie means so much to him. He said his whole attitude taught him a lot.
Howard asked if Steve wants to play with Fred. He said Bobo is out of his mind about that. Steve said he would love to but he thinks that's not a great idea. Howard asked if he wants to play that song that Eddie wrote for Wolfgang. Steve played the song 316 for Howard.
Howard said March 16th is Wolfgang's birthday so that's why he wrote 316 for him. Howard had Steve play the opening to Hot for Teacher for him. Steve did that.
Howard said he was even putting the pick in his mouth like Eddie. Howard asked why he's wasting his time there. He said he has some talent. Robin said he plays like Eddie Van Halen though. Howard asked if he's ever written a song of his own. Steve said he has written some stuff for the show. He said his main focus is his work for the Howard Stern Show. He said this is the coolest job ever. He said that he's not going to spend time on something else.
Howard asked to hear what he's written for himself. Steve played something for Howard. Howard told him to go back to Eddie Van Halen stuff.
Howard asked Steve if he thinks he fucks the hardest on the show. He said someone asked about that earlier. Steve said he guesses but he's never seen anyone else do it. Howard said he thinks Gary fucks hard because he made that girl puke. He said maybe she smelled Gary's ass though. Howard said he heard that Steve is a pounder. Gary said he wants to be clear that he was behind the girl and she was as far away from his ass as she could be. Shuli said if a dog shits in a room you're going to smell it. Gary said he's a human and not an animal.
Howard said that guitar Steve has looks exactly like the real thing. He said he did that over the weekend. Steve said it took 5 months but it got it together over the weekend.
Howard said thanks for the updates. He said they'll be talking to Wolfgang Van Halen after the break. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he was just watching a documentary about David Bowie performing this song. He said that's another guy they really miss. He said he'll play a little bit of ''316'' for Wolfgang Van Halen. He said Eddie wrote that for his son. He said his father wrote no songs when he was born. Howard had Wolfgang Van Halen on Zoom. Howard said it's good to see him. He asked if he can see him. Wolfgang was having some audio issues. Howard said they'll get there.
Howard said he has him now. Howard said it's good to see Wolfgang. Wolfgang said it's good to see Robin. Howard said he has a lot of gear in that studio. Wolfgang said that's his own studio. Howard asked if he lived with his dad. Wolfgang said he's 29 now so he has his own place. Howard asked if he has a studio as nice as his dad's. Wolfgang said it's just an extra bedroom that he put his stuff in. He said he has a computer and some amps and stuff.
Howard asked how he's doing. He said it's been about a month since his dad passed. Wolfgang said he's awful. He said every day is tough. He said some days are better than others but overall the pain is still there. He said you have to figure out how to carry it better.
Howard said that he and his father had that musical bond. He said he could speak his father's language. Wolfgang said that's the gift and curse of it. He said they had such a close connection and now he'll never be able to not think about him. He said it hurts a lot because of that.
Howard said that song 316 must make him break down and cry. He said that was his father's joy when he was born. He said not every father is like that. He said he can tell him that. He said his father was truly joyous over him being on the planet. Wolfgang said he knows that. Howard said he even wanted to work with him. He said it was such a loving relationship they had. Wolfgang said yeah.
Howard said he read that Eddie was the worst guitar teacher. He said Wolfgang wanted to learn to play and he asked his father to teach him. He said within 2 seconds he was playing like Eddie Van Halen. Wolfgang said that's a tough bar to reach as a beginner. He said he'd tell him to do this and he'd be like ''Fuck you! How do I do that?''
Howard said musical geniuses are not good teachers. Wolfgang said he was a genius. He said his dad never forced that stuff on him. He said that he did put some magazines out on the table and he showed him how to play things on the magazines. He said he'd show him how to play drums on the magazines. He said he bought him a drum kit at 10 and that was the first thing he learned.
Howard said for his dad to be generous like that is great. He said he wasn't hoarding his knowledge. Wolfgang said he couldn't wait. Howard said it must have been great for his dad to see him have some musical aptitude. Wolfgang said he's sure that he was happy.
Howard said he heard that his dad played guitar to his mom's belly. Wolfgang said he did and he was exposed to music before he was even born.
Howard said having two famous parents has to be tough. He said that he talks to his daughters about that. He said his one daughter is interested in other kids who grew up in famous households. He said he told her about talking to Wolfgang Van Halen and she was very interested in hearing about what that was like. Howard said the pressure must have been tremendous. He said that playing for Van Halen had to be really hard. Wolfgang said he's not stranger to that. He said especially in this day and age. He said that was never what he was focused on. He said he was just there to be there for his dad. He said he was there to help keep him going.
Howard asked how you can take that pressure. He said the trolls can be rough. Wolfgang said it can rub you raw at a certain point. He said it used to hurt him a lot. He said now he lets it roll off his back. He said if someone sends him something heinous he'll throw it back at them. He said he's just having fun with it now.
Howard said he can't read social media. He said it would fuck with the show if he did read it. He said that he takes it in and it's so destructive to him. He swore it of years ago.
Howard said there's this whirlwind of media around his father and they printed an interview that his mom didn't even do with a magazine. Wolfgang said there are a lot of fucked up people out there. He said there was a CBD oil thing that was out there and they had to put a stop to that. He said it's all just so stupid.
Howard said that he can't imagine growing up in the spotlight like that and then have someone say something on social media. He said you have to be fucked up to do that.
Howard asked where Wolfgang is at now. He said he lost his father and his whole world must be upside down. He asked if he's seeing anyone at home. Wolfgang said he's an introvert so it's not too bad. He said he has close people he can see. He said his uncle Patrick, his mom and his girlfriend have been the three pillars keeping him up. He said without them he wouldn't get out of bed.
Howard said it's weird because in the early 2000s his dad was calling him a lot at home. He said that he was blown away by that. He said that he didn't do it for long but he thinks that this pick he had in his mouth caused the cancer. He said he thought it was that with the electromagnetism. He said he thought it was the cigarettes. He said Eddie was convinced it wasn't the cigarettes. Wolfgang said that the cigarette thing is mis-attributed to throat cancer. He said that his dad did hold that metal pick in his mouth and that's where he got the cancer in his tongue. He said that when it was reported it was throat cancer and people called him out on the smoking thing and it wasn't the same thing.
Howard said he was thinking about Wolfgang's life with music and everything. He said that maybe he had a charmed childhood but maybe not. He asked Wolfgang if he was mistrustful of other kids because he was so famous. Wolfgang said he never really thought about it. He said he was lucky that he made friends early on and he still has those friends. He said that he'd be walking through school and a kid would say ''Hey look, it's the bass player for Van Halen.'' He said it should have been cool but it wasn't.
Howard asked if he was with his father a lot during this. Wolfgang said he was working on his own album but he was with his father as much as possible. He said he had to choose to be with his dad. He said that he was taking a long time to get his album together and people were giving him a hard time about it. Howard said he reached out to Sammy Hagar and he did give them a statement to read and he had been talking to his dad and people were surprised by that. He said that they were on very friendly terms and he was very happy to hear that. He said he thinks Sammy is a great guy and super talented. He said to have a reconciliation toward the end was a nice thing. Wolfgang said they were talking a couple of months and it was nice. He said he was glad to see that.
Howard said he's imagining his life growing up being around the musicians he must have been exposed to. He said every great musician must have come through there. Wolfgang said sure. He said he wasn't around too much for that. He said his mom did a fantastic job of giving him a grounded childhood. He said she kept them stable. He said he doesn't really have any outstanding memories of famous people coming around. He said he remembers sitting on Al's kit and watching them play but not really anything else.
Howard asked if he would go to a Van Halen show and see his father on stage it must be overwhelming. He said his father was like Mozart. He said he has seen many of his shows. He asked if it's healthy to see that or not. Wolfgang said he thinks it is. He said his dad was thriving up there. He said he'd run out on stage to be with his dad.
Howard asked if people told him not to go into music. Wolfgang said he was always encouraged to do what he wanted to do.
Howard asked if he ever listened to anything that his father didn't want him listening to. Wolfgang said his parents took him to a Britney Spears concert. He said two girls sat next to him there and he thought he must have looked like a total loser. He said that he was introduced to AC/DC early on. He said that was their band. Howard asked if his father liked Britney Spears. Wolfgang said he doesn't remember.
Howard said he has to play this song that he wrote for his father. He said he was imagining what it would be like if his father died. Wolfgang said he had a bunch of ideas and he had this one that he wanted to finish and get this song out for his dad. Howard said he loves the song and he was so glad he loved it. He said he had never heard anything from him solo and he was worried that it might blow. He said he watched it like 10 times. He said the video is great. He said they have home videos of him and his dad. He said he lost it when he saw his dad playing piano with him on his lap. Wolfgang said it's very important to watch the video.
Wolfgang said that he and his dad would joke around about what he would do if he hated all of his music. He said his dad said that's impossible. Howard said his dad was something else. He said he was very supportive of him.
Howard said he has to play some of this song ''Distance'' that he wrote for his dad. Howard asked if his dad heard it. Wolfgang said he did hear the idea. He said that he heard everything he was working on. Howard asked if his dad accepted that he was dying. Wolfgang said he doesn't think so. He said he loved the song and he didn't tell him that it was about dying. He said it was just ideas floating around in his head. He said that writing music is a great way to get emotions out of your head. He said it was nice to get those feelings realized.
Howard got ready to play the song ''Distance'' and said that the song is out there already. Wolfgang said it is because Howard mentioned they'd be playing it. Howard said this song is very powerful. He played the song.
After playing the song Howard said it's a beautiful song. He said the video is incredibly moving. Robin said she's choked up just listening to the song. Robin said he can sing too. She said that he's a Van Halen who can sing. Wolfgang said his dad could sing too. Howard said he did do backup vocals.
Howard said when you sit down to play something like that for Eddie Van Halen must be insane. Wolfgang said he was worried to show his dad his stuff but his dad was very encouraging. He said he'd cry out of happiness.
Howard said Wolfgang is ready for a wave of hate over this album. He said he's not trying to be his father and he's said that. He said there are musicians like Paul McCartney and Billy Joel who have kids who are musicians. He said it has to be brutal. He said you should be excited to put this out there but he has to be prepared for a wave of hate. Wolfgang said people are very mean but you have to be ready for it. He said being an introvert didn't help.
Howard asked if he's most at peace playing all the instruments on a song like that. Wolfgang said he is. He said this is the first guitar that his dad gave him. He showed it to Howard. He said he plays this one in the Panama video. He said he has this Kramer guitar that was in a couple of the videos they made. Howard said his dad gave him a guitar too. He said he wrote some funny stuff on it. Wolfgang said he was very happy to get this guitar. He said it had a Playboy card in it but he said it like ''Play boy!''
Howard asked what it was like to play with Van Halen for the first time and if it was shard to do Panama. Wolfgang said it was more about locking in with the drums and just having fun. He said his dad kept it simple. Wolfgang said that it's just so his dad could fly.
Howard asked if they had him play just to see if he had the goods. Wolfgang said the first song they did was ''On Fire'' in the studio and that was effortless. He said that they figured they had something there. He said it was so easy and fun that he went home and just had some fun. He said he made a play list of songs he thought he could play. He said he went over the next day and just played. He said they just jammed together for months. He said they had no goal in mind. He said it reached a point when they were figuring they could go somewhere. He said that he thought about contacting Roth. He said no one believed that it was his idea to call Roth and he was the one who made the call at 14 years old. He said he asked if David could come out and play. He said David came out and played and they had a good time.
Howard asked if David was suspicious of this 14 year old joining the band. Wolfgang said he's sure he was but grey did it.
Howard said he was only 14 and rehearsing with David Lee Roth. Wolfgang said he was 16 when they finally went out on tour. Howard asked if he was intimidated. He said he had to be out there in front of so many people. Wolfgang said you sort of lose sight after a while. He said you just focus on the performance.
Howard said he has to harmonize with David. He asked if that takes months of practice to get it down. Wolfgang said he has a higher voice so it came sort of easy. He said it wasn't too much of a struggle.
Howard said he was a young DJ in Detroit and he was on the same floor in a hotel as Van Halen one night. He said there were women banging on his door all night looking for David and Eddie. Howard said when Wolfgang joined the band there must have been groupies. He asked what his dad said to him about that. Wolfgang said it wasn't like that. He said he played a lot of video games by himself on the bus. He said there weren't that women banging on his door. He said that would be kind of creepy if they were.
Howard asked if he had a tutor teaching him since he was still in school. Wolfgang said he did. He said it sucked but he did it.
Howard said it must be rough to be on stage and then have to go down to having a tutor teach him. Wolfgang said he had to finish high school at least. He said his mom was probably the one who established that. He said he wanted to do it too. He said he went back to finish senior year off at the school he went to.
Howard asked how his uncle is holding up. Wolfgang said Al is holding up about as much as you'd expect. He said they talk pretty much every day. He said he hasn't spoken to Dave or Sam. He said Sam has said nice things on social media. He said they've all been very nice. He said Gary Cherone reached out too. He said they've all been great.
Howard asked if he thinks that his dad would have been reconciling with the other guys that aren't in the band now. Wolfgang said he thinks they would be reconciling if his dad was around.
Howard asked if Wolfgang went into the bedroom and started listening to Van Halen songs to learn them. Wolfgang said he did. Howard said he just went in and asked his dad to jam. Wolfgang said it didn't take long to learn it. He said them just jamming got that going. He said he had that big list of songs to play and it had Roth and Hagar songs on it. He said he remembers when Dave showed up and saw the playlist he didn't know what ''Get Up'' was. He said that he fucked up and left that one on the list. He said that's when the learning happened.
Howard asked if he thinks he's a prodigy. He said he can play every instrument. Howard ask if he thinks it's in the blood. Wolfgang said sure. He said he doesn't think that he's that good but standing back he can see that he can play a lot of shit. Howard asked why you'd have low self esteem when you can do that. He asked if he ever spoke to a therapist. Wolfgang said he did in the past 5 years. He said that he can deal with the shit on his own now. He said his dad was the most anxious person always and that's why he drank. He said that's how he hid it. He said he was super anxious. He said when he was sober it took him to focus him and harness his nervous energy.
Howard said when someone is such a master of something you don't think they have problems. He said you can't relate. Wolfgang said he was just a person just like us.
Howard asked if he worried about the drinking and if he was going to fall into that. Wolfgang said he was in denial growing up. He said that his mom did a good job of grounding him. He said he realized that it was very real when he was in the band. He said he saw that it was a real issue. He said he doesn't have that issue himself though. Howard asked if he drinks or smokes. Wolfgang said it's been years.
Howard said his dad has this vault of music and he must have willed it to his son. He asked if he thinks it should remain private. He said that Prince's family is releasing stuff that he may not have wanted out there. Wolfgang said that the fans probably think he's going to talk about it now. He said there's a shit ton of tapes to go through and it's going to take a long time to get through it. He said it's not a priority right now. He said that it's too painful right now. He said that it won't happen in the immediate future. He said that it's going to take at least a year to go through. He said it's not going to be in the immediate future. Howard asked if it's 3M tape. Wolfgang said it is so they have to go through it and cook it in an oven. Howard said he had the same issue with his radio show tapes. He said they had this massive project of baking these tapes. He said you have to get this little oven and bake the tapes. Wolfgang said you have to summon some of the stuff with the ovens. He said there are so many of them that it's going to be a huge undertaking. He said that it would be kind of shameless to do it right now. He said he's sure there's some amazing stuff in there.
Howard said he's sure that his dad thought some of that stuff shouldn't be out there but he's sure there's some stuff in there that you'll wonder why he didn't release it. Robin said maybe some of the stuff is just unfinished.
Howard said Wolfgang named his band but he doesn't have anyone in a band. Wolfgang said he actually does. He said he has some guys he started working with in 2018. He told Howard who the guys are and told him who they have played with. He said his dad got to watch them play and he was so happy. Howard said the name of the band is Mammoth. Howard said he has another track that Wolfgang gave them to play. He played some of that song after talking to Wolfgang about that.
After playing the song Howard said that was really good. He said look at what's going on in that room over there. Howard asked who he's erasing in that song. Wolfgang said he doesn't know. He said he writes songs so people can give their own meaning to it. Howard said he played every instrument on that song. He said that his father must have taught him to do it all on his own so he didn't have to deal with any band members.
Howard said that he noticed he's wearing all black. He asked if that's because of his father or what. Wolfgang said he just got dressed in black today.
Howard asked how his mom is doing. He said that they seemed to get along well even after the divorce. Wolfgang said he thinks grey found that they were with each other for a reason and they remained good friends. He said that their bonding point was that they made him and they were happy with how he was. Howard asked if he was happy he didn't have a sister or brother. Wolfgang said he wouldn't have it any other way but it would have been nice to have someone to play with.
Howard asked if he has his dad's collection of guitars. Wolfgang said he does. He said they have alarms and vaults to keep them safe. Howard said he thinks about the thousands of hours his father put in learning guitar and where does all of that energy go. He said it's mind boggling. Wolfgang said all he can hope is that some of it is in him.
Howard said he can't imagine what he's going through. He said he truly loved his father and the music he put out. He said he got to see him play live and got to talk to hi. He said he was a remarkable guy. Wolfgang said there will never be anyone like him again. Howard asked if he has anything he wants to share with them. Wolfgang said nothing other than asking him if he would have to lie to him about his music if it sucked.
Howard asked if they have had a funeral yet. Wolfgang said the family has gotten together but they probably won't have anything even if COVID wasn't around.
Howard said it's weird with things they way they are in the world right now. Wolfgang said he has some things he might do to get around all of that. Howard asked what he's thinking. Wolfgang said he has a unique way of releasing the album. He said he thinks it'll be a cool way of staving off the COVID thing for now.
Howard asked if he's living with the girlfriend or what. Wolfgang said she's fucking awesome. He said she's the best. Howard asked where they met. Wolfgang said they met online. He said that they just started talking and got together. He said it'll be 5 years this December. He said she's a software engineer. Howard asked if he'll move in with her. Wolfgang said she was there for the past few months. He said she'll be back this weekend.
Howard said it sounds good. He asked where they met online. Wolfgang said they were talking on Instagram. Howard said you kids and your Instagram.
Howard said Wolfgang's song ''Distance'' is out now wherever music is sold. He said go see the video because it's very touching and moving. Howard asked if he edited that. Wolfgang said it was his editor, Chuck, who did that. He said he watched it 10-20 times and it was tough to watch. Howard said he can't get that image of his dad with him on his lap playing piano out of his mind. He said this never happens to him. He said he's never emotional.
Howard said the proceeds of the song go to the Mr. Holland's Opus fund. He asked what that's about. Wolfgang said it's a fund that his dad was behind that helps kids get instruments that they'd never get.
Howard asked if he has ever watched his mother's show. Wolfgang said he hasn't seen them all. Howard said he watched them all. He said he's a fan of his mother's. He said that when his dad married her he was jealous.
Howard told Wolfie that he sends his condolences. He said that his video is remarkable. He said he's sorry he's going through this.
Howard asked if any distant relatives came out of the woodwork. Wolfgang said he has heard about some from his attorney. He said he's sure it's coming.
Howard asked if he's taking over his father's company. Wolfgang said he and another guy will be taking that EVH Gear company over. Howard asked if they have anything new and cool coming out. Wolfgang said not yet but he hopes to be able to get something like his guitar out there.
Howard said there was a rumor that he was going to replace his dad in Van Halen. Wolfgang said he's not his dad and you can't have Van Halen without Eddie Van Halen. He said that he's his own person. He said his dad would tell him go to do his own shit. He said the fans want the music to continue but they don't have Eddie anymore. He said you can't continue without him. Howard said he can see him doing a tribute to his father some day. Wolfgang said he can too. Howard said no one would think that was him trying to replace him. Wolfgang said that Mammoth EVH is his thing moving forward. He said that's what his father wanted him to do so that's what he's doing.
Howard said he did a great job with recording the songs. He asked how he gets started with that. Wolfgang said you start with drums and bass and then guitar and vocals. Howard asked if he writes his own vocals. Wolfgang said his friend Elvis helps out a bit. He said it's all him otherwise.
Howard said he hasn't heard him speak anywhere. He asked if this is his first. Wolfgang said pretty much yeah. Howard asked if he has anything he wants to tell the fans. Wolfgang said it would be nice to touch on the reunion rumors. He said that he had been talking to his dad since 2015 about doing the reunion. He said he wanted to open for them and they could have Mike come back. He said that his dad wanted him up there too. He said he could have played something with Mike. He said as time went on he warmed up to the idea. He said it turned into the Kitchen Sink tour. He said they wanted to get Dave and Hagar and Cherone up there too. He said they talked to Irving Azoff about that. He said that Irving got it ready and reached out to Mike before he had the chance to. He said that's how everything started to get leaked out. He said by then his dad wasn't able to do it. He said things started to get really bad at the start of 2019. He said his dad to in a motorcycle accident from a brain tumor he said they got that taken care of but things kept stacking up and stacking up. He said it never let up. He said in 2017 he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and the doctors gave him 6 weeks. He said he went to Germany and had something they did that kept him around for 3 more years. He said whatever they did gave him 3 more years with his dad.
Howard asked what they did in Germany. Wolfgang said he has no idea but whatever it was worked. He said things would have been great if they had been able to go out on tour. He said they had Michael Anthony and everyone ready to go. He said they were going to start ramping it up. He said it took some convincing but his dad was ready to do it.
Howard said that Eddie probably didn't want to hear it from anyone else. Wolfgang said that's how he got his dad to play some B-sides from their albums.
Howard said he heard that his dad was playing Eruption and he asked if he asked if he had to be up there for that. Wolfgang said he doesn't remember saying that.
Howard said they are never going to see anything like that again. He said Hendrix, Eddie Van Halen and who else. Wolfgang said between Hendrix and his dad he doesn't think anyone else will ever be like that. He said they won't have the impact that either of those two had on the scene. Howard said he's right.
Howard said he knows his dad liked Eric Clapton. Howard asked if he thinks that Ginger Baker or John Bonham was the best drummer of all time. Wolfgang said he'd go with Bonham.
Howard asked how much time his dad spent on practicing guitar. Wolfgang said that his dad had a girlfriend in high school who told him it was her or the guitar and he said ''Okay, goodbye.''
Howard asked if he was ever jealous of the guitar. Wolfgang said not at all. He said he was proud and happy to be around it.
Howard said that he had a great love affair with his father and he should be proud of that. He said that he thinks we all miss his father but not the way he does. He said we were all blown out by him. Wolfgang thanked everyone for the support. Howard thanked him for joining them today. He said hang in there. Wolfgang said it was wonderful to be there. Howard told him to hang in there.
Howard let Wolfgang go and said that you have to go see this video he made. He said that they should have it up on their app. Howard said he seems like a nice kid. Robin said he's a great kid. She said she would have had kids if they all turned out like that.
Howard said this video he put out is something. He said that Robin was shocked at how good it was. Howard said gets like that too. He said when you see this video you see Eddie playing with his kid and it's a tear jerker. He said it really is.
Howard said he has to pish so he should wrap up the show. Robin asked if he saw the thing that they did with Eddie talking about what he'd be doing at 80. Howard said he did and this video is even more emotional. He said what hits him is when a father shares his love of music with his son. Robin said any love of anything they share with their son. She said that it's loving to be there when the son gets it. Howard asked what that's like. Robin said she doesn't know.
Howard said tomorrow Sarah Silverman will join them. He said Sir Elton John will be on Wednesday. Robin asked if he requires the Sir. Howard said no but he's just giving him his due. He said he's reading his book and it's really good. He said he'll be talking about that. He said his favorite album is ''Tumbleweed Connection'' and every song on there is perfect. He said there's so much to talk to him about. He said it's unbelievable that Elton and Bernie wrote all of those songs. He said it was a shock to Elton that he was a performer because he wanted to write songs for other people. He said that should be a good interview. He said they have a lot of things to get to this week. He said it's jam packed. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:25am.
Howard started the show talking about how he called Rob Zombie the other day but he didn't pick up like most celebrities. He said he has a number that comes up blank so no one responds to him. He said he hears from Rob over email once in a while. He said he'll never get through to Rob though. He said once he can't get through he gives up and moves on to another call. He doesn't have all day for phone calls. Robin said sometimes you have to work at it. Howard said that's not going to happen. He said you get one chance.
Robin said she was thinking of Rob when she heard some of his music in the TV show Treadstone. Howard said he's a good guy. He said he recoded this hit song (The Great American Nightmare) with him.
Howard said he was watching that Million MAGA March thing. He said they say there were maybe 20,000 people. He said that press secretary Trump has was tweeting about how ''AMAZING'' it was. He said that she was capitalizing some of the words. He said there was nothing amazing about it. He said he thinks that the president was golfing at the time and they were saying that he loves people. Howard said no one in that administration loves those people.
Robin said that Trump has better start a broadcast network because that press secretary will never get another job. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said that she'll be able to get a job.
Howard said most of the religious right wanted Trump to win the election and they think that he was chosen by God himself. He said that he wanted to play this yesterday. He said that they were all encouraging their followers to vote for Trump. Robin said that he should be calling these people charlatans and not religious leaders.
Howard said if you have a million man march you look like morons if only 20,000 people show up. Even if half a million show up it looks bad.
Howard said he loves how Trump is saying that they found a vaccine for this virus during his watch. He said during his watch this virus has spread like crazy in the United States. He said none of the bad things happened according to him. Robin said he ignores the facts that don't work in his favor.
Howard said this guy is Robin Bullock reminds people what happened in 2016. Howard played the clip and Bullock was talking about how the Coronavirus came from people voting for Hillary Clinton. Robin said now it's their fault for voting for her. Howard said he's saying only the good stuff came from voting for Trump. Howard said as soon as someone voted for Hillary they got Coronavirus. Howard said these are the same nudnicks who are out on the street marching. He said you have to pay attention to these people because they make money from doing this shit.
Howard played another clip of this guy Hank something was going on and on about how Trump got Coronavirus and that led to his reelection.
Howard said that people send you money if you do this stuff. He said it's not a bad racket to be a televangelist. Howard said he used to watch that guy Pat Robertson and he'd say that the apocalypse is going to happen in 2012. He did his impression of him talking about that. He said that it never happened and Robertson would say don't take him literally when it doesn't happen in 2012.
Howard said Michelle Bachman prayed to god to use his iron rod to fix things. Howard played some audio of her talking about that. She was rambling on and on about this iron rod thing.
Howard said she was batshit crazy before it was cool. He said she was one of the originals. Robin said it's spreading now. Howard said a lot of people ripped her off. Robin said it seems like it's spreading. Howard said that woman was a congresswoman. Robin said now they have a Qanon woman in congress.
Howard said this pastor Terry Copeland has some thoughts on the election. Howard played a clip of the woman talking about god and how he should straighten out every election. Howard said what a loud mouth this woman is. Robin asked how the democrats became the devil. Howard said he's not sure but it's bad out there.
Howard said he used to go crazy in the 90s when the FCC was after him for talking about sex. He said that's not what they should be worried about. He said they should be worried about old ladies getting ripped off by these religious people.
Howard said Terry Copeland is related to that Kenneth Copeland. Howard said he has some audio of Kenneth Copeland talking about the election. In that clip Copeland was laughing about the election results and going on and on for quite a while with the fake laugh. Robin said it's like Robert De Niro in Cape Fear. Fred played that laughing clip from Cape Fear.
Howard said Jesus was really into that pointing and laughing at people. Robin said he's scaring her with this. Howard said it's scary out there. Robin said she was thinking things were okay out there.
Howard asked if Robin is wearing an Apple Watch. Robin said it's a FitBit. Howard said he never saw that before. Robin said she wears it every day. Howard said the thing is huge.
Howard said it's ridiculous to this guy that Joe Biden could win. Robin said they should just pray and let things happen.
Howard said this guy started crying when he was praying to god about the election. Howard played a clip and the guy was talking about the election and he breaks down crying. Howard said what a douche. He said that's weird.
Howard said poor god has to listen to this shit all day. He said he must wonder why they don't leave him alone. Robin said maybe God isn't pro-life. She asked if that ever occurred to them.
Howard played a clip of a woman going on and on about the media. He said she starts speaking in tongues in this clip. Howard did his impression of that before she got to it herself. He played the clip and let her do her thing. Howard laughed as she started speaking in tongues. She was talking about angels coming from Africa and kept going on and on speaking in tongues. Howard said she has nothing to say so she speaks in tongues.
Howard started speaking in tongues himself. Howard said that this woman is married to the keyboard player of Journey. He said her name is Paula White. He said that this is the woman that Trump meets with. He said he won't meet with the Coronavirus task force but he'll meet with this kook. JD said he thinks that the guy from Journey might be the one playing keyboards in this clip.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves the show and has listened since he was a kid. He said he has always listened and it gets hard to listen when he starts off with a rant about conservatives. Howard said he can't help it. He said he's living in loony tunes. He said he hates talking about politics but what's going on in Washington DC is so outrageous and off the wall it's like living in an insane asylum. He said he can't holdback. The caller said he can't disagree with him. He said that the people he put on are a little nutty. Howard said it's more than a little. The caller said they have just as many nuts on the other side. Howard said he's mistaken.
Howard said he's going to say this in the nicest way possible. He said he's a conservative himself. He said what they are seeing in Washington right now is just nutso. He said all of the conservatives have left the republican party. He said Joe Scarborough was a conservative. He said George Bush and John McCain were conservatives. He said Barry Goldwater was too. He said these were reasonable men who were for free trade and they did not speak in tongues. He said they didn't invite people in who spoke in tongues.
Howard said this is just fucking nutty. He said he doesn't know what conservative republicans are if he thinks this is what it is. Howard said what George Bush did was help Bill Clinton out when he lost to him. He said they cared about their country. He said what they have now are crazy people taking over this country. He said this is anti-science. He said Trump had nothing to do with the vaccine. He said he's trying to block science. He said this is the worst time he's ever seen in America. By the end of the year they're going to be up to over 300,000 dead from this Coronavirus.
The caller said it just seems like Howard is kicking a dead dog when it's down. Howard laughed like Kenneth Copeland. The caller said it's just hard to listen to. Howard told him to turn the fucking radio off then. Howard said he doesn't care if he listens or not. He said no one cares.
Howard said he's out there trying to help people. He said 246,000 people have died. He said he's in his basement. He said so many people have lost their jobs because of this. He said this isn't a typical day where he talks about porn. He said he did see some porn yesterday. He said he feels like he's getting stupider talking to this guy Phil. He said what a dummy.
Howard said this girl came home from school and she has stretchy shorts on with her ass cheeks hanging out. He said the step brother comes home and asks her to help him out with cleaning the garage. He said that he gets upset when she won't help. He said he goes to the garage and she goes to her room. He said she pulls down her shorts and gets on her bed and takes out this butt plug and puts it in her own asshole. He said her door is open. He said she's on all fours and her pussy looks even bigger with the butt plug in. He said she comes out of her room and waddles around with the butt plug in. He said she asks the brother for some help with something. He doesn't want to help because she didn't help him.
Howard said the step sister comes out with her pants off and the brother asks what she's doing. She said the butt plug is stuck and she can't get it out. He said she bends over to show him. He said this thing is sticking out of her asshole. He said the brother tries to help her get it out. He said he's pulling it out and putting it back in while she's rubbing herself. Robin said this is ridiculous.
Howard said the brother takes the butt plug out and sticks another one in there with balls on it. He said then he has his penis in her asshole. He said this is some situation. He said he couldn't believe it.
Howard asked if Phil is happy now that they're off of politics. He said he imagines the garage is still a mess in that house.
Howard said they're going to have the Macy's Day Parade. He said the good thing is that they won't allow anyone to stand on the street. He said it's a parade without people. He said he's fine with that.
Howard said usually there are 3.5 million people standing out there. Robin said they can get that many out there for a parade but Trump wasn't able to get more than 20,000 people to show up for him. Howard said he's not sure where people pish. He said that they must go really fast if they do. He said they can't lose their seats.
Howard said he didn't know that Macy's was still in business. Robin said they are. She said people like to go and shop and touch things. She said that Macy's is basically the last man standing in that department store world.
Howard said the first two Macy's Day parades had live animals. He said they had to stop because they were scaring the children. He said kids are such pussies. He said they were in cages.
Howard said in 1932 they had a Tom the Cat balloon and it got tangled around a plane mid-flight. Howard said back then planes looked ridiculous. He said they flew them over the balloons and the strings got caught. He said they should replay that. He said he'd love to see that.
Howard said they're worried that Patrick Duffy won't have anything to do this year so that's why they're having the parade this year. Robin said Regis was in every parade. Howard said he'll be there this year. He said he's just stuffed. He said Dolly Parton will be on the Cracker Barrel float this year. He said he thought she was busy.
Howard said that band Pentatonics will be there. He said they refuse to use instruments so they make their own sounds. Howard said they'll be on the Hallmark channel float. Howard said Patty Labelle will be on a float. He said that Jordan Sparks will be on a float. Howard said he's not even sure who she is. Robin said she knows who she is from watching infomercials. Howard said he never watches commercials. Robin said she is doing an infomercial with Emeril the chef. She said he has an air fryer oven and she tests all of the food.
Howard said Lauren Elaina will be on a float from South Dakota. He said they got her for that. Howard asked who watches this shit.
Howard said grey don't have Kristin Chenoweth this year. He asked about some others that show up year after year.
Howard said that Jimmy Fallon will be there with the Roots. He said he always gets on a float. Howard said he hasn't been home in 7 months. He said he's decided to take every job in show business. Robin said that can't be fun to be on a float. She said it has to be a terrible job. Howard said Jimmy said it's fun. He said he talked to him about it. He said he's a little disappointed that there's no Idina Menzel or Kristin Chenoweth this year.
Howard said how about Butch Patrick or Mackenzie Phillips. He said a lot of people are being overlooked in that parade. Howard said he'd have Jeff the Vomit Guy on the Pfizer float.
Howard said he needs to stay where he is so they can have sane votes. He said stay strong out there. Howard said he's hoping the country gets back to normal at some point.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she lives in south Florida and they have no mask mandate there. She said it feels insane. She said that one of her best friends belongs to a church and they were posting things about Trump being chosen by god. She said that the pastor is the one who uses Trump's name in bible verses. She said that her friend said they have to get out of that church. Howard said that's what the idiots in Germany did with Hitler. Howard said he just wants a sane America again.
The caller said she lives in an HOA and they're not allowed to have political signs. She said there's one family that has a sign and they accept the fines for the signs. She said that it's a reminder that they don't care or give a shit.
Howard said he doesn't understand what's going on. He said they think that magic is going to make this thing go away. He said we have two German scientists working around the clock to make it go away with a vaccine and that's what he wants to remind people of. Robin said there are many companies working on vaccines and not just those two people. Robin said there are more in the works.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she can't figure out how to get her feet out of the cleats on the Peloton. Howard said it's very simple. He said he'll tell her how to do it. He said you have to clip into the pedals. He said that people break their ankles doing it. He said just extend your right leg and keep your foot flat and turn it to the right. He said you have to just turn it. The caller said that she's using all of her body weight and it doesn't work.
Gary said he has a tip. He said there is tension on the pedals and sometimes it's too tight. He said that you have to adjust the tension. Howard said no. He said he could get out of it anytime. He said you have to shift your whole body weight. He said then you swing off the bike and turn your body and the whole thing will pop out. He said Peloton Jenn and Hanna Corbin will tell you how to do it too.
Howard said the instructors know what they're doing and they will tell you how to do that stuff. He said they're good instructors if they tell you stuff like that. He said grey should be teaching you how to use the bike. Howard said you have to think like a beginner. He said some of them just don't get it.
Howard said he'd be a terrific Peloton instructor. He said he'd show people how to take their foot out of the pedals. He said that's what he would do. He wished the caller luck with that.
Howard said he wants to thank Blackened American Whiskey. They sponsored the show today so he did a commercial for them and went to break.
Howard came back and said he can't believe the singer from the Cranberries died. He said she had such a great voice.
Howard said he was thinking about Wolfie Van Halen and changed his cat's name to Pebble Van Halen after that interview. He said that Wolfie came on and talked about his dad and introduced the song he wrote about his father. He said it's such a dangerous thing to go into music who has a famous mother or father. He said that everyone is out to get you. Robin said there are comparisons and judgment.
Howard said Bob Dylan's son Jakob Dylan was great. He said Julian Lennon was great too. He said they're very talented. He said he's not sure what happened to those two but it's very difficult to be out there when you have famous parents. Howard said Wolfie really impressed him yesterday.
Howard said the song ''Distance'' was great and the other song was really good too. He played ''Distance'' and read some fan feedback about the interview. He said he hopes people watched the video. Robin said she did and it's so beautiful. Howard asked if it got her when Eddie had him on his lap while playing piano. Robin said that got her and it was another one where he plucked one string and Eddie was watching him. Howard read more positive comments about the interview.
Howard said people liked the Underdog update yesterday. He read through some of that and people were writing in about how great it was.
Howard said that people were grossed out by Shuli getting his neck sucked by Underdog. He read some of the comments about how grossed out people were by that sound.
Howard said he caught a lot of heat about Gary's fire pit. He read through some comments he got about that. Howard said he was talking about how ridiculous it is to sit by a fire pit. He said he told Gary to just go for a walk. People were telling Howard to calm down with that whole thing. Howard said he doesn't need a special location to go out to. He said he doesn't tell his wife to go eat dinner in the bedroom or something.
Gary said he has to call bullshit on this. He said they like to have drinks before dinner in his house. Howard said it's inside the house. Howard said he doesn't go out to a fire pit though. Gary said it's just a different place. Howard said he just goes outside if he wants to go out. Gary said he doesn't just go out to the fire pit. Howard said it's just a lot of work. He said just go outside. Howard said he doesn't have time for things like this. He kept telling Gary that and Gary was trying to argue with him.
Howard read more comments about Gary and his fire pit and how he's not keeping his family safe. Gary said they are. He said his kids live there and they get tested before they come home. Howard said that Gary isn't being truthful. He said that there was a couple who were being very careful but they had some friends over and they all got Coronavirus. He said if you go to someone's house you have to quarantine. He said that they're not quarantining. He said Gary isn't being safe. He said he's being somewhat safe.
Howard read some feedback about this fire pit that Gary has and a guy wrote in about how amazing the smokeless ones are. Howard said it's too much nonsense for him.
Howard asked Gary what he's doing for Thanksgiving. Gary said it's just him and Mary. He said maybe Lucas. He said they talked about it a month ago and they're not doing anything. Howard said he could get COVID from the kids. Gary said Lucas gets a test at College. He said he's going to get a car and come there. He said grey have a place around the corner that does the rapid test. Howard said last time Lucas came home he walked right in and right up to Gary. Gary said he knows better now.
Howard said he loves Gary and doesn't want to see him get this thing. He said he's giving him a lecture and he sees what's going on.
Robin asked if the rapid test is high quality. Gary said they only get the low quality one. Robin said some tests are better than others.
Gary puppet read a list of songs he listens to out by the fire pit. They were all songs with ''fire'' in the title. He had a list of other songs for Thanksgiving.
Howard asked Gary to be careful. Gary said he is. He said he's being very careful because he has surgery coming up next week. Robin said she heard that even dog walking might get you into trouble. She said there's a higher incidence with people who have dogs getting Coronavirus. She said you may be in areas that it spreads. Howard said he goes for walks and he sees people with their dogs off the leash. He said the dog comes running over to you and they're so sorry but they start coughing on you. He said Gary just do what you want to do.
Gary said he and Mary were talking about how they would quarantine in the house. He was wondering if they can get it from the dog if the dog goes to one person to another. Robin said yes. She said that it's very hard to sanitize a dog. Howard said keep your dog on a leash. He said keep the dog out of the kid's room if he gets it. Gary said the dog won't listen and he can open the door. Howard said come on. He said put a lock on the door or put a chair in front of the door. Howard said he just wants Gary to be safe.
Howard asked how often the cheerleaders come out. He said maybe he was kidding. He said he remembers in the old days that you would jerk off to things like that. He said today you don't need that.
Howard played some audio of Debbie the Cum Lady talking about what she's doing on Thanksgiving. She said that she has a guy lined up to give her 4 of his loads that night. Sal was the one talking to her and getting grossed out by what she was talking about.
Howard asked if Robin believes what she's saying about loving it so much and how different guys have better tasting loads. Howard said he has never done it but when you swallow a load it has to be kind of gross. Robin said you try to get it done as fast as possible. She said you're not savoring anything. Howard said it's kind of like swallowing excrement. He said he's not sure why it's so important for guys to have a woman swallow their load. He said spare yourself. Robin said she thinks it's sterile. She said urine is sterile coming out. Howard said you can get herpes down there though. Robin said the load is sterile though.
Howard asked how many loads Robin has swallowed. Robin said not that many. She said that it's quick. She said you just get it down fast. Howard asked if she has ever tasted a bad load. Robin said no. Howard said the only load he has tasted if Fred's. He said he was joking of course.
Howard said Robin must have been able to feel it coming up like a volcano. Robin said of course. She said she is experimental so she has to see what's going on in the world. Howard asked if she ever felt she needed a load. Robin said no. She said she's never told the guy that she needed it.
Howard said he considers Robin a bright person. He said swallowing a load is gross. Robin said he's gone down on women. Howard said he sure has. He said some women said they liked it and some said he was terrible. He said he just licks in the general area. He said he doesn't know what he's doing. He said he's not sure where anything is down there. He said he doesn't care about all of that. He said he just wants to fuck. Robin said that's all the beginning stuff for the big production. Howard said sometimes you just realize you're like dogs. He said he's not sure how the human race will ever evolve.
Howard got Chris Wilding on to talk about loads. Howard asked if he enjoys swallowing. Chris said perhaps. He said that loads have a variety of flavors. He said the worst one he ever had tasted like cigarettes. Howard laughed. He said it was bitter and smoky. He said the guy claimed he didn't smoke but he did see him smoking on Instagram.
Chris said they do have different tastes. Howard said they smell like ammonia too. Chris said you want a fresh load. He said you never want a non-fresh one. He said if it's down there too long it comes out yellow. He said it can be like sour milk. He said most of them are neutral.
Howard asked if he thinks that swallowing is important. Chris said it is. He said it's a way of degrading the person too. He said you shoot it on them and they swallow it.
Howard asked if they want to hear from Debbie the Cum Lady. Robin said of course. Howard took her call and Debbie asked why they find it all so disgusting. She said there is nothing disgusting about it. She said she gets off on it all the time. She said she doesn't even have feelings for these guys.
Howard asked if Debbie ever just has sex. She said of course she does. She said she'd rather blow a guy all night though. She said she has done fucking but she prefers blowing. She said some guys have to be in her to get harder so she does whatever it takes.
Howard asked Debbie when she realized she had to have this load thing. Debbie said it was when she was 14 and saw some porn. She said she got into it after that. Howard asked if she thinks some trauma happened to her that she may not even remember or some self esteem thing is going on. Howard said she's very intense. He asked if she has ever turned anyone down. She said she hasn't. Debbie said that she's just infatuated by it and she loves watching porn. She said she watches it as a learning thing. She said she never had any trauma as a child so that's not the case.
Howard asked Debbie if she thinks it gives her powers like spinach to Popeye. Debbie said it does relax her. She said that it doesn't give her powers. She said there are minerals in there that will relax you. She said it does relax her and takes stress off of her. Howard said it's like him talking about Transcendental Meditation.
Howard said that she says that it cures her depression. Robin said that tells you that something is wrong if she has depression. Debbie said it just makes her feel good. Robin asked if she could stop. Debbie said she wouldn't stop. Robin asked if she could. Debbie said no. She said he can't.
Howard said he wants vitamins but he's not going to suck a cock to get them. He said he'll just take a vitamin. He said this is a strange addiction. Debbie said it is and it's like pot or drinking. She said that just thinking about it gets her wet. Howard said alcohol has detrimental effects. He said she could get an STD. Debbie said she knows. She said this is true. Debbie said the enjoyment overpowers that fear of getting something. Robin said heroin addicts say the same thing. Debbie said people annoy her and she has to have it. Howard said have a good thanksgiving. Howard said he has to move on. He thanked Debbie for her honesty. He let her go.
Howard took a call from a guy who calls himself Taint. The caller asked Chris what Ralph's load tastes like. Chris said he has a tapioca kind of load. He said it's like clam chowder.
Howard said he was talking to Ralph about when he last had sex and it was round the time that Joker came out. He said he went to see it with Chris though. Chris said he did but maybe he saw it twice. Howard said he thought Ralph didn't like the movie. Chris said he didn't. Howard asked him to swear on a bible that he never had sex with Ralph. Chris said he's not religious so he'll swear on that all day long. He said that he didn't have sex with Ralph. Howard asked if he swears on his life. Chris said he does. He swore on his mother's life too. Fred kept playing a buzzer sound like he was lying on a lie detector test.
Howard asked how Ralph had sex after the Joker movie but he wasn't with Chris. Chris said he's not sure what's going on with him lately. He said it's very peculiar.
Howard got back to the Wack Pack stuff and had some audio of Tan Mom talking about what she's doing on Thanksgiving. Tan Mom talked about how her family is coming over and some friends and staff will be there. She said a total of about 23 will be over. She said they will be wearing masks when grey come in. She said when the food is served you lift up your mask. She said after each meal you have a wash bowl to rinse in.
Howard said she's having 23 people over. He said her husband is known as ''the staff.'' Howard said she has no idea what's going on with the Pandemic. He said she has a finger bowl to wash your hands in.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom what they're going to do after they eat. He said this one he doesn't understand. He said he has no clue what she's talking about but it's pretty crazy. Howard played the clip and Tan Mom was talking about the ''Pa'demic'' and what's going on with that. Tan Mom was going on and on about that and what ''Bi-di-den'' is going to do about it when he gets into office.
Howard had Shuli on doing his Tan Mom puppet thing. Tan Mom puppet was talking about what she'll be doing for Thanksgiving. Howard said it sounds like Tan Mom puppet is going to have a great Thanksgiving.
Howard had Ralph on the phone so he asked about the last time he had sex. Ralph said it was around that time but not that night. He said that he didn't go home and have sex. He said he went to see the Joker twice. He said that he'll tell him the story later and not on the air. Howard asked why. Ralph said it's not that interesting. He said he met someone in the mall and he went to see it with that person. Tan Mom puppet asked if he was a nice guy. Ralph laughed.
Ralph said he has to clarify something Jon Hein said. He said the Moderna vaccine doesn't need to be stored in sub zero temperatures. He said they can store it in regular refrigeration.
Robin said that Ralph met someone at the mall, went to a movie and had sex the same day? Howard said he may have known the person already. He doesn't know for sure. He had already hung up on him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she had a dream and Howard was walking down the street and he had a large bulge in his pants. She said that she had a sex dream about him and she was impressed with his large member. She said he was so attractive and she hasn't had a sex dream in a decade. She said that she just had to thank him for that. Howard said it's just a dream. He said he doesn't have a large member. He said he'd never wear Khakis so you know it's a dream.
Howard said he has to get back to the Wack Pack. Howard said they asked Gary the Conqueror what he's doing this year. He had some audio of Gary talking about how he's doing nothing but stay home. He said he's not going to be cooking a turkey or anything like that. He said he'll be alone. Gary said that god damn some of a bitch Biden better get this virus under control.
Howard said Gary is smarter than most of the country. He said he knows he can't go out for Thanksgiving.
Howard said that Underdog lady has a Roman banquet for Thanksgiving. He said it sounds like she's eating a whole zoo. He said he finds this mind blowing. He played the clip of her talking about all of the food she makes. She said that it should stop at tuna fish on a roll. He played more audio where Underdog talked about the pork course, the beef course and chicken course. She was listing the meats she cooks and what she has along with it. She had different drinks and an apple in there too.
Robin said the Romans never ate tuna on a bun. Howard said when the Romans ate they would vomit between courses. Robin said she's not doing that. She said she's not going to eat an apple and then cheesecake. She said she's just eating the cake.
Howard played some audio of Wendy the Slow Adult talking about what she's doing for Thanksgiving. She said they aren't rich so grey just do what they can do. She said they don't have a feast like Howard does.
Howard said look at the size of him and look at her and tell him who is having the feast.
Howard played some audio of Bigfoot talking to Wolfie about his Thanksgiving plans. He said he may end up in jail by then. He said he's not sure about that yet. He said the food in jail isn't that great but not that bad.
Howard said jail has to be cleaner than his house. He said he has to take another break and get to Sarah Silverman.
Howard came back and said he loves that song. Robin said she was just enjoying it too. Howard sang along with it a little bit. He said that's the way they should have done it. He said he can improve any song. Robin said she's sure Pat is ready to go back into the studio to record it again.
Howard said Sarah Silverman is a good singer too. He said she sang at the Birthday show. He said she sang to Ronnie. He said he has a good voice. He said she loves music and loves life. Howard said Sarah is a great comedian too. He said hi to her and asked what she has in her mouth. Sarah said she had a toothpick in there. She said she likes the cinnamon flavor in it. Howard said he uses plastic toothpicks called Doctors Brush Picks. Sarah said she heard he leaves them around the house so he can put them in the beautiful blue bin. Howard said he never has dirty teeth because he's always picking the food out. Sarah said that's disgusting. She said flossing is what you do in private. She said that death creeps in through the gums. She said that's a fact. Robin said she thought that her dad was a dentist. Sarah said no but Smigel's dad was.
Howard said there is something going on with her. He said she looks very vibrant. He said she's looking particularly good and she's turning 50 next month. He asked if she had some work done. Sarah said she was thinking about it but she hasn't. She said she feels good. Howard asked if she has done Botox. Sarah said she hasn't but she's not against it. She said she has to be able to move her face around. Howard said he's noticed that the people who age the best are the ones who don't have surgery done. Sarah said it's horrifying sometimes.
Howard said he thought she was in Manhattan but the guys said she's out in L.A. He asked how she's doing. Sarah said she's good. She said she flew to New York City on March 10th to live there for 3 months. She said she was supposed to do Howard's show to promote this musical in New York that she co-wrote. She said she got there and got a great Air BNB and it was her and two writers and a director. She said they started rehearsals and then they had to shut down. She said her writing partner was writing to her. She said that it was Adam Schlesinger from Fountains of Wayne. She said that Adam thought he had this thing and a few days later he said that he was in the hospital with COVID. She said that he had pneumonia from that. She said he stopped texting and he didn't respond so she called the hospital and they said he was discharged. She said that she thought he wasn't getting back to her. She said he was actually transferred to another hospital and put on a ventilator. She said that his girlfriend was keeping them up to date. She said he got better incrementally. Then he died on April 1st.
Howard said the guy from Fountains of Wayne wrote this musical with her and they were all set to do it and he got COVID early on and died. Sarah said she's still in shock over it. Howard said it's crazy. Sarah said he was just 52. She said she had never seen him sick. She said they were with him around that time and they didn't get it.
Sarah said she has a therapist who has changed her mind on things and she hasn't talked to him in a while. She said she had a Facetime meeting with him and he's a COVID denier. She said he's not right wing or anything. She said she told him her friend died and he asked what was on the death certificate. She said that she can't go back to him now. Howard asked if this is a psychiatrist. She said he's a psychologist. She said he's brilliant, warm and kind and she wasn't sure what to do. She said that a friend told her that she has to talk it through with him but she's not sure what to talk about.
Howard said that it's odd that someone like that would be a COVID denier. Sarah said there are some out there on the left wing. She said they think it's to control the people. She said he has these odd thoughts about this and she couldn't believe she was paying for this hour. She said she's stunned by it.
Howard said it's so weird that the guy would react like that. He said he should have just been trying to help her. Robin said he made it all about himself.
Howard asked what Adam was like. Sarah said he was the greatest. Howard asked how they met. Sarah said they had randomly done stuff together. She said he wrote the Crank Yankers theme and they had done some videos together. She said he was really funny. She said she wrote her book and he came over and said it should be a musical. She said it was going to be at the Atlantic and it was about the year she was 10 and her dad was wondering how much longer he had to live to see this thing. She said it got pushed off for a while.
Sarah said that Larry David called her to do something for Curb Your Enthusiasm. She said that he asked if she had a joke about something he was going to do but it was something that had actually happened to her. Howard said that's cool of him to call her about that. Sarah said that's how it's supposed to go.
Howard said that Sarah was quarantining with her assistant. Sarah said that she was going to move on with her life after the play came out. She said she told her that she could live with her and then they ended up as quarantine partners. She said it was a special thing. She said that it was really scary in the beginning. She said they had a whole system for wiping things down and all of that. Howard asked what it was like to have her there and being her boss. Sarah said she became a little maternal. She said that she told her that she was going to pay the rent and buy the groceries. She said that she felt like she needed to take care of her for her parents. She said they stayed in New York and she felt more connected there. She said that it was scary but it was nice to have people doing the thing at 7 for the health care workers.
Howard asked Sarah about writing and if she didn't write during this time. Sarah said you can write all you want and she does most of her's on stage. She said he hasn't gone this long without stand up since she was 17. She said that's why she started this podcast. She said she had no place to do this. She said if she took 2 weeks off of stand up it felt like forever. Howard said the podcast will be a good outlet but not like stand up. He said you have to be able to hone your jokes. Sarah said she might have areas that she can do them in. Howard said that she keeps stand up in her life and never abandons it. He said it has to be weird for her not to be able to do it. Sarah said it's like a muscle. She said you have to be able to work it out.
Howard said the idea of writing on stage is foreign to him. He said he can't comprehend that. He said he's not sure how you do that on stage. Sarah said she works slowly and she will take notes and bring it on stage. She said she has a plan up there.
Howard said he wanted to call her at one point about the Kristin Wiig ''imagine'' video. Sarah said she feels bad about that. She said that Kristin is so kind and well meaning. She said that she's a genius. She said Gal Gadot had the idea and enlisted Kristin to do it with her friends. She said that she asked her to do it. She said she wrote her back asking if she was serious about doing ''Imagine.'' She said that she wasn't sure if they were doing it for charity or what. She said it was just to cheer people up. She said she can't say no to Kristin Wiig. She said she did it in a funny way and she got eviscerated. She said it's pretty bad.
Howard said sometimes it's hard to know if something is going to be uplifting or lay an egg. Sarah said that they had good intentions. Howard said you think they know what they're doing but they were imagining there's no second home in St. Barth's. Howard asked if anyone called her and told her that it was all backfiring. Sarah said she saw what was going on. She said Kristin texted her and said she was so sorry. Sarah said she didn't care though. She said that there are people who never stick their neck out to help or anything. Howard said that's him. He said he just says no. Howard said he imagines that stuff won't fly.
Sarah said she has to say that listening to Underdog Lady slurping Shuli's neck gave her a feeling that was like when you see an after school special of a girl doing PCP and jumps out a window and keeps running... She felt like that. She said she doesn't like mouth sounds anyway but it felt assaulting to her. Howard asked if she wants to hear it now. Sarah said no. She said that he can if he wants but she'd prefer not to.
Howard asked if she's in an office. Sarah said she's on her couch. Howard said there's a big bulletin board there. Sarah said it's subway tile that she tapes stuff to. Howard asked if there's anything there they should know about. Sarah said there's this artist who did this thing. She said that it's a painting of Jim Henson. She said that she just tapes stuff to the tile.
Howard said he's heard rumors that she has a boyfriend now. Sarah said yeah. Howard said he knew that she didn't have one at the beginning of COVID. Sarah said no. Howard asked how he met this guy. He said he feels protective of her. He asked how she hooked up with this guy. Sarah said she knew him a little bit before. She said it was just casually. She said that she went to Gamestop to learn video games during quarantine. She said that she wanted to keep her days as short as possible. She said she has a very active dream life. She said she wanted to learn video games so she was with Annie anyway. She said she got a console and a game and started playing Call of Duty World War II. She said that she posted about it and he direct messaged her and wanted to play Call of Duty with her. She said every night after 7 they would play. Howard asked if she's any good at it. Sarah said just that one. She said she doesn't know any others.
Howard asked if he would find her playing that game with kids. Sarah said no. She said that it was just her and Annie who would play against each other. She said one team is Nazis and the other is the other side. She said she played the Nazis and she would talk to her troops. Howard said she's like an actress and really embraces it. Howard said this is interesting.
Sarah said that grey were like family meeting in this place. Howard asked how this guy got to bang her. Sarah said that you just start talking and laughing together. She said she was wondering if she was embarrassing herself but they started texting and they would get bolder on texting. She said that he came over and washed his hands and they hung out. She said they were just being friends at the time. She said she got disgusted by men after Trump was elected and she had a hard time finding anyone attractive. Howard said he hears that.
Howard said this guy comes over and she has sex with him and then she doesn't want a relationship. He said it must scare the shit out of a guy. He said that the guy must have thought he didn't do good in bed. Sarah said it wasn't like that at all. She said she has good taste in men. She said she told him she adores him and they would be friends for life. She said that she can't let it become a relationship. She said that she wasn't sure she wanted to be tethered to a guy. She said that she wanted to be alone. She said that she has changed over time and she knows what she thrives on. She said he backed off and that was attractive to her.
Sarah said she wants to be a good girlfriend. She said that she has to stick to what she likes to have a happy life. Howard said to be in a relationship with her he has to be willing to give her a lot of time to herself. He asked if he should leave after having sex with her. Sarah said they had no sleep overs for a long time. She said she wears a night guard and she wants it to be sexy. She said she wants time alone at the end of the night. She said she didn't want to expose that side of herself yet. She said now they have sleep overs.
Howard asked who this guy is. Sarah said he's a writer, producer, show runner. She said he ran the Daily Show with Jon Stewart for years. She said he was a production assistant and worked his way up. She said he's a hard worker and he learns every aspect of the job. She said he went all the way to the top. She said that he knows how to run the show and he knew every job below him and that's a big asset.
Howard said this guy sounds like a good guy. Sarah said he's handy too. She said he's able to fix things and he's masculine. She said he's not hung up on macho stuff though. Howard said Beth has to fix things around the house. He said he has no idea how to do it.
Howard asked Sarah what the end game is here. He said she doesn't want kids. Sarah said she loves kids but she loves being able to do whatever she wants at all times. She said she's not sure if she'd be able to be the kind of parent she'd want to be. She said she'd love to adopt a kid who has kids so she could be a grandparent. Howard said you can't have it all. He said this guy Rory is willing to put up with all of this and that's great. He said most couples aren't like that.
Howard asked what she's going to watch on TV tonight. Sarah said Tuesdays are a very special night. Howard asked why. Sarah said it's Bach! (The Bachelorette). Howard said he gets the shows ahead of time so he doesn't even know it's on Tuesday nights. Howard and Sarah spent a little time talking about details of the show.
Howard said that Sarah was on in 2018 talking about the kind of porn she likes. Sarah said oh my god. Howard played a clip from that visit in October of 2018 when she said that she likes to watch ''Pocket pussy porn.'' She said it's a victim less crime kind of thing.
Howard said when she said it he thought it wasn't true but she says it was. Sarah said she searches for ''Guy fucks mattress, verbal'' and it brings that kind of stuff up. She said it's very niche. Howard said this is great. Sarah and Howard kept talking over each other so Howard told her to take over. Howard said he wants her to tell the story.
Sarah said she left there and didn't think much of it. She said there's about a week a month when she becomes an animal and has to look at porn over a couple of days. She said this happens and she types in her words ''Guy fucks mattress, verbal'' and a new video pops up. She said she starts watching it and she's lying on her stomach and looking at her phone. She said she had to turn her glasses upside down because she has progressive lenses. She said then she fast forwards a little bit. She said she wanted to see the cumming part. Howard said he can't believe she likes this type of porn. Sarah said she can't either. She said the heart wants what it wants. She said she likes it in porn but not in real life. She said she likes the way the guy gets aggressive.
Sarah said she fast forwards to the cum part and it has all the elements that she wants in the video. She said it looks real to her. She said as he's cumming he says ''Sarah Silverman.'' She said he says her whole name twice. She said she felt like she was having a heart attack. She said in the video she's saying her name over and over. She said she can't believe it but he made it just for her. She said she has never been so honored. Howard laughed and said that's crazy. Sarah said this is more of an honor than having a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for her.
Howard said he has some audio of this porn that she was talking about. Howard said this is what comes on. He played the clip of the guy talking dirty to his mattress as he's fucking it. He mentions Sarah Silverman and how this is what she likes.
Howard asked what the guy is laughing at. Sarah said she's not sure. She said she looked up his porn name and it's Grip Van Winkle. She said she clicked on his name and wanted to let him know she saw it. She said his avatar on his page on PornHub is like the propaganda Jew from the holocaust. She said that makes sense in this whole thing. She said she never did get in touch with him though. She said she has so many questions for him. Howard asked if she wants to get in touch if he doesn't like Jews. She said yes. She said she has a million questions for him.
Howard said he read that Sarah said that over 200 people have said she's their hall pass. Howard said that's the person that their spouse says they can have sex with. Howard asked what's going on with that. He asked if they're trying to fuck her. Sarah said she thinks that a lot of people say it to her after shows. He said that they must think that she's attainable which is kind of worrying.
Howard asked if this guy Rory she's dating is good looking. Sarah said he's gorgeous. Howard asked about his pubes. He said she did a bit about that. Sarah said she feels so bad that this whole thing is about him. She said that she writes notes to herself on her phone and she finished her groceries and she had something that popped up on her screen. She said that she wrote that Rory's cum smells like a garage. She said she's moving into a house for the first time and the garage objectively smells like semen. She said he had trimmed his pubes when they were together for the first time. She said that it was shaved very close. She said that his body is very nice. Howard asked if she is working out to keep up with him. Sarah said no but she tries to get her sweat on. She said they are getting older so grey have to be healthy.
Sarah said you have to grow it out for her. Howard said she touched it and it felt like something he can't remember. Sarah said it hurts if it's stubble. Howard said he'd never shave his bush. He said that's never going to happen. Sarah said that he likes shaved vaginas though. Howard said it has to be shaved. Sarah said she doesn't do that. Howard said you have to shave down there. Sarah said she got a Brazilian wax once and it was so painful. She said she cried the whole way home. She said to shave your head you have to have a round head. She said she thinks she has a nice vagina but it needs hair on it. Howard said no it doesn't. He said the Brazilian wax doesn't make sense. He said just shave. Sarah said she thinks she's too lippy down there to shave down completely.
Sarah said she has an idea for him. She said that he's always doing Ben and Ray. She said that he'll do it for 20-30 minutes at a time. She said just get it animated and use what he has done already. She said it could be a whole aspect of Howard Stern the Teen Years. Howard said when they wrote Howard Stern the Hight School Years he wanted to do his parents voices but there were people who didn't think he should. He said he had all of these stories and he wanted to just animate them. He said that it was more work than you'd think it would be. He said most of the show was about his parents though.
Howard said Sarah is there to talk about her new podcast. He said he understands why comedians have them. He said it helps them get the word out about their shows. He said he was talking to a buddy of his in radio and they don't get how they make money. He said he gets how Sarah does but other podcasts he's not so sure. He said some people are doing podcasts with their buddies and to no one.
Howard said that Sarah's podcast is available wherever you can download them. He said he has no idea where to get them. He said he's never sat down and heard a podcast. He said he's officially old. He asked where you get them. Sarah said a lot of people do listen. She said it's like a channel where you can get any podcast. She said that she doesn't listen to a lot but she does listen to some. She said she listens to some stuff when Howard isn't on live on Thursdays and Fridays. She said she listens to stuff while she's doing work around the house. Howard said he'd have to pay attention to it if he was listening. He said he can't multitask.
Howard asked Sarah to talk about going to Ohio to Dave Chappelle's comedy thing. He said Dave lives in Ohio and calls her to come out and do stand up there. Sarah said yeah. She said that Michelle Wolf has been living out there for months. She said in that town they take things so seriously that they haven't had cases in months. She said that they have a nice sign there that says ''Be kind'' with a painting of a mask. She said it's not PC or anything. She said it's just to make you feel comfortable. She said everyone there wears masks. She said they're strict about social distancing and things.
Sarah said that Dave flies comics in on a private jet. She said they have to present a negative COVID test to get on the plane. She said you walk into a little hut at the airport when you get there and they test you there. She said they do a rapid test and they results come back in 20 minutes. She said you get a wrist band there. She said then you can hang out back stage and there's this oasis of normalcy there. She said that she had Tiffany Haddish and a bunch of other comedians on the plane with her. She said they have a wellness company on staff there. She said they put them up at a boutique hotel. She said you have to mask up when you leave the hotel room. She said they have everyone in the town wearing the Dave Chappelle ''C'' masks. She said it's great.
Howard said that they're doing something similar in Australia. He said that it's a real lock down there. He said the country is operating and they follow specific rules.
Sarah said her sister went to Australia and told her about all of the rules they have there. Howard said he didn't know she had a sister who was a lesbian. Sarah said one of them is.
Howard asked how her father is doing. Sarah said he was really sick earlier in the hear but he got better. She said he was afraid he was going to die. She said that she gets to see them a lot out there. She said she's trying to be really careful. She said she tells her father just don't fall. She said that's why he got sick earlier in the year. Howard said you have to stay out of the hospital.
Howard asked Sarah about doing stand up and how that went at Chappelle's place. Sarah said she listened to some of her material to remember it all. She said she keeps starting and stopping so she's not sure how it's going to go. She said she has material but she has to relearn it. She said it was actually great to go up there and it felt so good. She said she did 2 nights of 20 minutes and it was good. Howard said he doesn't know how you remember all of that work. Sarah said she has a pad of paper with bullet points on it.
Howard said Sarah she said it all. He said he's glad her father is alright. Sarah said she is too. Robin asked if this Rory guy is out there with her. Sarah said he did move to L.A. Howard asked if she's going to get married. Sarah said there's no reason to get married. Howard said it's romantic to get married. Howard asked if she'd say no if he proposes. Sarah said she doesn't think it would be a surprise. She said they just want to be together. Howard said maybe he needs to be married. Sarah said she would think about it but it's still early.
Howard asked if she's still smoking weed. Sarah said there's so much out there. She said it's too much. She said it should be available everywhere. She said her step mother does it now. Howard said there are a lot of people waking and baking and their whole lives are about it. Sarah said she just takes a puff at the end of the night.
Howard gave Sarah more plugs for her podcast and for her appearing on SiriusXM's Comedy Greats channel. Sarah said she has never heard of that. She wondered if she makes money off of that.
Howard said that she gives 10 percent of her earnings to charity so what is she doing to make money. Sarah said that this podcast thing has been good. She said it depends on the success of that. She said she likes doing the ad reads which she was inspired by Howard Stern to do.
Howard said he follows her on Twitter. He said she's very political on there. He said he likes that but he's sure that people don't like that. Sarah said that she's trying to push out things that are true that she reads. She said she follows some republicans and she tries not to just get the liberal stuff. She said she hates people like Mitch McConnell and Stephen Miller and people like that. She said she doesn't hate the people who follow them. She said they just believe what they hear. Sarah said that Trump has Facebook and they don't fact check any of his ads on there. She said that incites rage and fear because they believe whatever they read. She said that she read something about how people tend to go for what's familiar and that's why people don't want to change. She said certain people respond to the ads they see and that's who they're going after. Sarah said Facebook is a huge culprit in the demise of our democracy. He said that they don't fact check and people get their news from there and believe it.
Howard asked what she does on her podcast. Sarah said he talks about anything and everything. She said that she asks for voicemails and she'll listen to a bunch the night before. She said she has a plan to get her going and she lets the voicemails take her on the trajectory of what she talks about.
Howard read some of the titles of her podcasts like ''Jewy actors'' and asked what that's about. Sarah told Howard about what the discussion was about and how certain actors only get Jewy parts. She said that actors are actors and they should play all parts but it's the collective of the fact that if there's a role of a Jewish woman and she's courageous or deserves love they're played by a non-Jew. She said it's lie RBG being played by a Brit.
Howard asked if Sarah ever thought of changing her name from Sarah Silverman to something like Sandra Silver. Sarah said she never did.
Howard said Sarah mentioned that Pete Davidson's father was Jewish and he never mentions that. He's a Jew who died doing a heroic thing and Pete doesn't mention that. Sarah said that they're portrayed as money lending people and things like that. She said that it's not a good time to be a Jew when you have names like Weinstein and Epstein out there.
Sarah said she read on Wikipedia that Pete's dad was Jewish. He said she wishes people knew that. She said then she feels like an old Yenta thinking that.
Howard read more of the titles of her podcasts. She had one about fake tits so he asked if she's angry with people who get fake tits. He said it could get you a lot of work in the old days but now everyone is walking around with them. Sarah said that everyone should do what they want to do. She said that you shouldn't have to do it to get work or something but she thinks you should be able to do it if you want to. She said that Ivanka and Melania obviously go to the same doctor to get their tit jobs. She said that Trump must send them to the same guy. She said that he must want them a certain way.
Sarah said that Jeff Ross years ago was on a plane with Trump and he said Trump wanted to talk comedy and he asked if Sarah Silverman's tits were real. She said Jeff said he didn't know because she's like a sister.
Howard said Sarah wears a night bra. He asked if they're dropping. Sarah said she thinks that they are and they're kind of pendulous. She said they're a 34-C and she thinks that sleeping on her side makes them droopy. She said it's not a big deal to put a light weight sports bra on. Robin said it's nice to know where they are. She said they can go all over the place.
Sarah said that some guys like to wear underwear to hold their balls. Howard said he always does. Sarah said that his balls are like her breasts.
Howard said that some guys like to tittie fuck women. He asked if she has had that. Sarah said that she has but you have to make sure the guy's asshole is spotless since it's on your chest.
Howard said that he heard that she likes to be spanked too. Sarah said that she does. She said that she walked into a shower once and someone saw the bruise on her ass that was in the shape of a hand.
Howard asked if orgasms are involved when she gets her ass spanked. Sarah said it's sexually euphoric. She said she's not into choking or anything like that. Howard said he never would have taken her as someone who likes to be spanked. Sarah said he thought that was a common thing.
Howard asked if she would want to be put over a guy's knee and spanked. Sarah said no. She said that's too vulnerable. Howard asked if she wants to call the guy daddy. She said she has that inkling but she hasn't done it.
Howard asked if she would pee on a guy. Sarah said she's not sure. She said that she feels like the pee would get all over the place if she peed. She said it seems to come out of three different places when she pees. She said it must be in that area of the clitoris. Robin said there's a little hole down there.
Howard asked Sarah about dating a guy who was into feet and he called her feet ''slabs.'' Sarah said that's right. She said that she's not sure if she has nice feet to not. She said that her boobs and ass did nothing for him. She said she was lying on her stomach and she had to touch his nipples when she showed him her ''slabs.'' Howard said he knows guys who are into that. He said the slabs thing is so not sexual. He said that's too weird. Sarah said everyone has their things. She joked that it was Jimmy Kimmel.
Howard read a podcast title of ''Hidden Swastikas.'' He asked what that was about. Sarah told Howard she just sees them all over the place.
Howard and Sarah talked about the show The Undoing and Sarah said she was watching the first episode and thought that it was written with a Jew in mind. She said she looked into it and found out the book was written with Jewish names. She said she notices this stuff. Howard said they are waspy in the show but he thinks grey are Jewish. He said he thinks she has found her cause.
Howard said one of the topics is Larry David. He asked if she interviewed him. She said she told that story about Larry in the Podcast. She said she doesn't have guests on.
Howard said he can't believe that her therapist was a COVID denier. Howard and Sarah went over that story again.
Howard said it was great seeing Sarah. He said he's going to find her podcast. He gave her more plugs and said she has nice slabs. Howard said she looks great and sounds great. He told her to be careful and don't get hurt by this guy she's seeing. Howard wrapped up and let Sarah go a short time later.
Howard said everyone loves Sarah. He said she's the best. Robin said she never thought about no Jewish people playing in heroic or romantic roles in movies.
Howard said he's still hung up on the word ''slabs.'' He said he'd never ask to see someone's slabs.
Howard said tomorrow they'll have Elton John on. He said that will be some interview. He said Elton is over in England so they'll be speaking to him early on. He said they have a lot more to get to before Thanksgiving break comes up. He ended the show around 10:45am.
Howard started the show talking about what a joy it is to be with his audience on this Wednesday. Robin said she thought they weren't going to do a show today because he was having his meeting so early. Howard said he worked on some technical issues and they thought they had them all fixed but this morning he had a couple of problems. He said they started off light on time because of that. He said he wanted to get them fixed so he could communicate with Robin.
Howard said then they got into a discussion about pee holes. He said they were talking about Sarah Silverman talking about how she thinks she has 3 holes where pee comes out of. Robin said she said she didn't know which one they came out of.
Howard asked what the three holes are. Robin said she must have been talking about the ass, the urethra and the vagina. Howard said maybe she was just doing comedy. He said he was reading an article about how 25 percent of women don't know where their vagina is. Robin said and grey voted for Trump. Howard said that's right. He said he felt so bad yesterday reading the headline that Trump fired a senior official, Christopher Krebs, from Homeland Security who said this election was the most secure in history. Howard said Trump is having a meltdown like a 3 year old. He said he's going to scorch the earth before he leaves.
Howard said when you fire someone you're wrecking someone's life. He said that his life is wrecked now. He said he remembers getting fired and looking at his daughter wondering how he was going to support her. He said that this guy was just telling the truth. He said it was a fair election. He said Trump just fires this guy. He said he just lit this guy's life up.
Howard said Robin was right when she said there should be a general strike if Trump doesn't get out of Biden's way. He said that they have to do something. Robin said Trump is treating this job like his TV show. She said he's just firing people. Howard said it's so distressing. He said that we're all just sitting back and watching the theater of this. He said you wonder what to do. He said he's tantruming about losing the election. He said he's fucking up people's careers. Robin said he wanted to bomb Iran too.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on. Robin said they elected a lunatic, that's what's going on.
Howard got back to the vagina thing and said that 25 percent of women don't know where their vagina is. He said that they also don't understand what their period really is.
Robin said in the 21st century you should know the answer to these things. Howard asked if a man should know. Robin said a woman should know that it's not excess blood. Howard said he doesn't know any of this stuff. He said it sounds like a good explanation to him.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks that Kamala Harris knows where her vagina is. Robin said she's sure she does and she's sure she has probably squatted down and looked at things down there in a mirror.
Howard took a call from the new secretary of defense. The guys had clips of Bigfoot talking about his new job. They had him hitting a button and blowing up Canada accidentally. The guys had him belching after almost everything he said.
Howard said that's their new secretary of defense. He said he's in charge and knows what to do. Howard said he feels safer already.
Howard said they should have women up there to show where their vaginas are. He mentioned some names like Oprah, Kamala Harris, Cardi B and Caitlyn Jenner to show women where things are.
Howard said he's not sure how women don't know where those things are. He said he doesn't know where they are fully and Beth has to guide him in there. He said he takes his penis and kind of pokes around hoping to just hit it. He said sometimes he asks for help. He said he doesn't want to be fiddling around.
Howard said he just figured you peed from your urethra. He said Lenny Dykstra claims to be an expert on all of this so he might know.
Howard asked Robin where the urethra is. Robin said it's just in front of it. Howard asked what ''it'' is. Robin said it's just in front with a small hole in front of the vagina. Howard asked what the vagina is. Robin said the whole area is called the vulva. Howard asked what she's saying. He asked her to just take down her pants and show him. Robin said the vulva is the labia and the clitoris. Howard said that he's fucking the whole area then. Robin said the vagina is the interior thing. Howard said that women think that's where the pee is coming from. Howard asked what idiot thinks she's peeing out of her asshole. Robin said there are some organizations that have such restrictions and repression on women and their parts that women are afraid to check it out.
Howard said his whole life he felt like he was playing pin the tail on the donkey. He said that he's blindfolded. He said this explanation Robin is giving is good. He said he thinks he's got it.
Robin said there's this thing called cystitis and that comes from the penis going past the urethra to get to the vagina. Howard said he has never had a penis that big to go that far so he's never had that problem.
Howard said he was so proud when a woman would say that she wasn't able to pee after having sex. He said he must have been causing damage down there.
Howard said Robin should have been a health teacher. He said she could have made some money there. Robin asked if there's money in teaching that. Howard said with her knowledge he'd think so.
Howard asked if Caitlyn Jenner has 3 holes down there. Robin said she's sure she does. Howard said he thought they just chopped off the head of the penis and made that into the vagina. He said he heard they take your balls and turn them inside out to turn it into something.
Howard said there must be an Elon Musk of plastic surgeons who could turn that thing into a vagina. He said transgender people say that those things work down there.
Howard said they will be talking to Elton John soon. He said they have about an hour with him today. He said tomorrow Robin will explain where their taints are. He said she's saving that for tomorrow.
Howard said this is Howard Stern calling into a radio show and confessing he's afraid of dying. In the call Chris Wilding called in as Jimmy who had trouble with his dad who was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. He said he's real nasty with people because of that. He put his dad on and used clips of Howard complaining about having cancer and wishing that everyone else would die with him. He was calling them names and the hosts were getting upset over his comments. They had Howard talking about how he's going to haunt them when he dies. The host was begging his co-host to hang up on him. They eventually hung up on him and the host told her to hang up on anyone when they go into something like that. The host said that someone like that is brain damaged.
Howard said that guy is doing a lot of mansplaining. He said his favorite part was him teaching his co-host how to do radio.
Howard said that was a good one. He said that might go down as one of his favorites. Robin said it's great when she picks up again and there's Howard.
Robin said it means nothing when a sports network tries to guess on games. She said that's the same thing. Howard said that he's just going on what other people are saying. He said Trump isn't interested in governing. Robin said he doesn't even understand it. She said he's stupid and doesn't understand what they're doing.
Howard said he's right about running a news network. He said it's 50 times harder than running the country. He said that you have to be there 24 hours a day. He said Roger Ailes was there 24 hours a day. He said he lived and breathed it. He said he worked in TV his whole life. He said everything he touched turned to gold. He said the idea of Trump running a network is absurd. He said if he just licensed his name to it maybe it would work if someone else ran it.
Howard said everything that Trump has run has gone out of business. He said every thing he's touched has flopped. He said running a news network isn't easy. He said that he thinks he can have a show like Rush Limbaugh. He said Rush knows how to do radio and that's not an easy business. He said just wait until they tell him they have to have an H.R. department.
Howard said the one thing he will say is if Donald starts a network where he evaluates them, that would be a hit. He said he's the best at that. Robin said she was reading an article about a girl who grew up with Ivanka and every time she visited Donald's office he would ask if Ivanka is the prettiest girl in the school. She would say that she was in the top 5 and Donald would evaluate the other girls.
Howard said that people think he's out of control but grey don't realize how in control he really is. He said this job isn't easy. He said it's a lot of work.
Howard played an intro for the game and introduced the game to everyone. He had Robin as their contestant. Howard interviewed her like a real contestant and then moved on to the game.
Howard played Robin a clip of someone eating or fucking. The clip was a woman moaning. Howard said he loves this game. Robin asked to hear it one more time. She guessed that it was a person fucking. Howard said that is the sound of someone getting food in their mouth. Robin said she should have gone with her first impulse. Howard played the full clip of the woman moaning as she ate.
Howard played another clip of a guy moaning. Robin said she thinks that's a guy having sex. Howard said that's a man eating food. Howard played the full clip of the guy eating some food. Robin said there's no way he could do that with food in his mouth.
Howard played a clip of a woman moaning and making odd noises. Robin said this has to be fucked. Howard said she's on the board now. He said she's getting fucked while giving a blow job. He played the full clip.
Howard played another clip of a guy moaning. Robin guessed it was a guy getting fucked. Howard said that's a guy tasting and eating food. He played the full clip.
Howard played the last one which was a woman moaning. Robin said that has to be someone getting fucked. Howard said she's wrong again. He said it's a woman eating. He played the full clip for her.
Howard said he was going to end the game but he has to do one more. He played a clip of a guy moaning. Robin guessed that it was a guy having sex. Howard said she was right this time. He played the full clip of the guy moaning as he was fucking someone. Howard said that is from a porn titled ''Make my rock hard gay cock explode.''
Howard played one more for Robin. It was a clip of a woman moaning. Howard asked what that hell that is. Robin had him play it again. Howard said she better be getting fucked. Robin said that has to be food. Howard said she's wrong again. He played the full clip of a woman getting fucked. Howard said that was from a threesome porn called ''Pound my pussy while I gag and swallow.''
Howard said that he has one last one. He played the clip of a man moaning. Robin said that has to be someone eating. Howard said it's a man eating food. He played the clip for Robin.
Howard said he has another one. He played the clip and had a guy moaning. Robin said that has to be someone going to the bathroom. Howard said that's not a choice in this game. Robin said that's a guy eating. Howard said wrong. He said that's getting fucked. He played the full clip for her. Howard said that was from a porn titled ''Stab my filthy ass with your meat and cum inside me.'' Howard said the titles are getting really long. He said they read like an instruction manual.
Howard said this is the last one for real. He played a clip of a guy making odd noises and moaning. Robin had him play it again. She said that has to be sex. Howard said she's wrong again. He said it's a man eating a cheeseburger. Howard played the full clip for her. Robin said there's no cheeseburger that good.
Howard said that's the game. He wrapped it up and said goodbye from Food or Fucked. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that's a little Lady Gaga this morning. He said he has an echo going on in there. He asked the guys to turn something off. They did that for him. He said he has music coming out on his speakers live. Robin asked if he fixed that himself. Howard said he's still echoing. He asked if they can turn off Zoom. they told him to turn off the speaker. Howard didn't know where it was.
Howard said he has been waiting for years to talk to Elton John and all hell is breaking loose now. Howard had Elton on a short time later. Elton said it's great to see them. Howard said it's so exciting to see him. He said he loves him so much. He said he's tearing up. He said that he loves his music so much and his artistry. He said that he read his new book and listened to his Jewel Box series. He said that it's remarkable what he's done. He said he's very appreciative of what he's done and giving him time today.
Howard said the first album he heard of his was The Tumbleweed Connection. He said it was such a mastery of music. He said he has loved him ever since.
Howard said that Elton John has had a top 40 hit for 35 straight years. He asked how many bands can do that. Howard read about how he has a Grammy, Tony and an Oscar too. He asked if he pinches himself over all of that. Elton said that he never thought it would turn out like this. He said he left his band as a kid and just wanted to write songs. He said he was lucky enough to get in touch with Bernie. He said that he got some of his lyrics and it all started from there. He said the Tumbleweed Connection started it all. He said that it was all about coming to America and having experiences there. He said they all loved American music so much and that's where they learned it from.
Howard said the first song he heard that made him realized he wanted to be a musician was this. He played Elvis' Heartbreak Hotel.'' Howard asked what it was that made him want to be a musician. Elton said that it was 1957 and he had been to the barber shop and he saw this man on Life magazine who looked amazing. He told his mom about it and she came home with an album a few days later. He said that's the guy he saw on the magazine. He said he and his mom collided on him that week. He said after that new modern music took over his life. He said that he started to listen to a lot of rock and roll music and that's where it came from. He said that Elvis was lampooned for how he looked but his music was very musical. He said that he borrowed from so many types of music. He said that he does the same thing. He said he had so many influences before Elvis but then Elvis came out and it was like an atom bomb went off.
Howard said Elton studied the classics but he hated it. He said it was too regimented. Howard asked if he was a prodigy. He said he asked Billy Joel what he sees with the piano and he said it looks like shark teeth to him. He said it can't look like that to Elton. He said it seems to come easy to him. Elton said he grew up with the piano in the house. He said he could play things by ear before he took lessons. He demonstrated what he could play early on with his own piano. He played things that he learned as a child and told Howard how he would play them for his family. He said he was sort of the hero there in the family because he could play.
Elton said that his parents found a teacher to teach him how to play. He said that he took lessons at 11 and he went and it was fantastic. He said he had no intention of being a classical pianist because his hands are so small. He said he had a lot of people who had an effect on his life. He said he learned to play so many things but he had no passion for the classical stuff.
Elton said his two young sons are learning piano now but they don't have the gift he had for it to play it by ear. He said that he wasn't a big personality and he had to dress flamboyantly to entertain people. He said that was also a result of Liberace and people like that. He said all of that glamour that came from America had a big influence on him. He said he was a prodigy to answer Howard's question. He said he went on to play in a band and he got to meet a lot of his idols after that.
Howard said there's so much to what he's saying. He said it's unbelievable to him when he looks at his life. He said he's saying that he had to be flamboyant but he is a genius song writer. Howard said just seeing him play was enough. He said that he didn't have to do all of that. He asked if he looks back on it and sees that he didn't need the costumes. Elton said that it wouldn't have been as much fun. He said he was showing off and that's what he wanted to have the freedom to do. He said he wanted to dress the way he wanted to and have freedom that he didn't have as a child.
Elton said he would dress as a giant chicken and he didn't care. He said he was giving part of his personality that was suppressed. He said when you're stuck at a piano you have to do something. He said that there are people who have fun with the piano. He said if you're a pianist you have to make it part of who you are. He said it's a boring looking thing and you have to become one with it. He said he wanted to be like Jerry Lee Lewis and Little Richard. He said Fats Domino would push the piano across the state with his stomach.
Howard said he read his book and he was reading about how one of the greatest influences on him was Leon Russell. He said he's not sure what he saw in his piano playing that he can't see. He asked what it was that he took away from him. Elton said that it wasn't what he saw but what he heard. He said that he looked like an alien to him. He said that he heard him play and he would play like this. He played some stuff on the piano for Howard. He said he had it all in his music and when he heard it that changed the way he wrote. He said he wanted to play the way Leon played. He said that was the pinnacle of who he wanted to be.
Elton said that he was doing a show in 1970 and Leon showed up to his show. He said that he thought he was going to come back stage and tell him that's not how to play the piano. He said he came back stage and he could not have been sweeter. He said he was becoming more famous and he didn't know that he had played on The Beach Boys albums. He said Leon came back and he talked to him and he was told how to keep his voice going. He said he took that advice and still uses it to this day. He said then Leon took him on tour. He said that he just showed him love and he knew that he loved his piano playing. He said it was a very inspiriting thing for him.
Howard said he describes a very generous man. He said for him to come back stage is something big. He asked how many artists would be that generous. He said that they see him as this new guy on the scene and that's a rare individual. He said a guy like Leon Russell becomes like a father figure in a way. He said that he read his book about his father and how he was ex-military and he was really hard on him. He said he relates to this. He said it's kind of mind blowing when someone like Leon is so kind to him. Elton said that Brian Wilson was the same. He said he was a huge idol of his. He said that the band came to see him in Philadelphia. He said he has met so many of his idols and everyone was very generous to him. He said he can't remember anyone who wasn't. He said that's because he was good and he wasn't a flake. He said they were on fire and he had this three piece band and they just grew and grew. He said they validated him and they thought he was good. He said he wasn't just copying them and he was making his own music. He said there is a lot of American music that influenced him and you can hear it in his music. He said if he sees someone today that he likes he'll call them up and let them know. He said it means the whole world to you when someone does that. He said it gave him confidence. He said that Neil Diamond came and introduced him at the Trubador. He said that means a lot to him.
Howard said he has a couple of stories that he really loved. He said he talks about Brian Wilson and going to his house. He said he's excited and he opens the door and Brian starts singing ''Your Song.'' Elton said he was standing there with Bernie and someone else and it was an extraordinary night. He said he went there on the assumption of hearing the 8 track of Good Vibrations. He said that they didn't get to hear it all though. He said that just being in the presence of someone like that is very special. He said Brian was very strange and he had never experienced anything like that. He said he was very sweet and kind though. He said he always has been. He said he still loves Brian. He said he's been through so much and has come out the other side thanks to his wife.
Howard said he thought he was going to say that you have to be careful meeting your heroes. Elton said it was his initiation to craziness. He said that having sand in the living room is not normal. He said that he didn't dislike him but it was interesting to see this and he realized that this is why he wrote so many amazing songs.
Elton told Howard about how he played charades with Bob Dylan and he ended up throwing oranges at him. Howard said he loves his stories. He said he drops references in his book to Simon and Garfunkel being really bad at Charades too.
Howard said he has access to these geniuses who are so creative. He said that he tells some great stories in his book. He said he told a story about how he was becoming really big and Neil Young was at a party with him. He said Neil Young played his whole album on his guitar. Elton said he played it on piano. He said he came back to his apartment and played it all for him. He said that's another thing he's really appreciative of. He said they went out to dinner and he sang one of his songs. He said Neil called him the next morning and sang him one of his songs. He said they have had so many good times together. He said grey are very respectful of each other. He said John Lennon would have been great at charades. He said that McCartney could have done it too. He said Ringo and George too.
Howard asked if he could recognize how brilliant that Neil Young album was when he heard it. Elton said oh yes. He said that was a great time for music. Howard asked Elton if there's anything more exciting than that time of music. He said there were so many talented artiest then. Howard said Elton got to hang with them. He said that he reads about all of these situations he was in and it's all mind blowing.
Howard asked if he got competitive when he was with Neil Young or did he just admire him. Elton said you just admire them. He said you hear great stuff and just acknowledge it. He said there were so many amazing songs coming out back then. He said they were coming out week after week. Elton said there were no boundaries back then. He said from 1957 to 1973 was an amazing time for music.
Howard said in his book he talks about being friends with John Lennon and they're doing coke and Andy Warhol is trying to get in. He said that John asked him to get rid of him. He said he reads that and it's just too much to read that kind of stuff. Elton said he took 10 minutes to look through the eye hole. He said they played dead for about 15 minutes until Andy went away. He said that he never knew Andy but he found out that he was kind of weird. He said that he was always strange and he always had a camera with him. He said he would have let him in but John said no way.
Howard said he read a story about how John was upset that the solo careers of the other guys in The Beatles were going to number one and John didn't have a single. He said he asked Elton to play on a song and he said if it went to number 1 that he'd have to do a live concert with him. Elton said that was the bribe. He said he sang and played on it. He said the song did get to number 1. He said Jimmy Iovine was the engineer on that song. He said when it went to number 1 John came to one of his shows and loved it. He agreed to come on stage and play with them at Madison Square Garden. He said he did that and it was probably the greatest night of his professional career. He said John hadn't done a show in so long and everyone was thrilled to see him. He said that he was sick on stage because he was so nervous. He said that it was kismet. He said John came on stage and they played a bunch of Beatles songs. He said that it was the loudest roar he's ever heard in Madison Square Garden. He said he thinks John was touched because it showed how much New York City loved him.
Howard asked what John thought about him recording ''Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.'' Elton said he asked him what he wanted him to record and John said that no one had ever covered that song before. He said it was John's idea for him to record it. Howard played some of that recording.
Howard said that he had to record with John in a studio with his own song. He asked if he was intimidated by that. Elton said not really. He said that he was always very generous with him and they hit it off right away. He said you can't really change the song that much. He said the song went to number 1. He said John was a friend and they hung out a lot. He said then he went off with Yoko and had Sean. He said that he didn't mind that though because he was being a father. He said he loved John and he misses him to this day. He said that if he was still around he would wonder what he'd be doing today. He said he had a great mind and he's sure that he would have gotten the Nobel Peace Prize by now. He said that's what they lose when someone like that dies.
Elton said that things are changing at such a fast rate now and it would be interesting to see what those great minds would be up to. He said we don't have them in the arts. Howard said that he thinks about what John would be up to as well.
Howard said he has some great stories about Stevie Wonder in his book. He said that he had him playing Happy Birthday to him on his private plane. Elton said that he was on his plane and his assistant kept asking him to come out and he kept saying no. He said that he was in a foul mood for some reason and he was being an asshole to her. He said he eventually came out and that happened. Elton said that's the same plane that he showed ''Deep Throat'' to his parents on. He said his mother just had to see it. He said they were obsessed with it.
Elton said that Stevie wanted to ride on a snowmobile. He said everyone was saying no but Stevie insisted. He said he went out and came back and thank god he did. He said he's been so fortunate in his life to be able to do things like that. He said Ray Charles did his last performance with him 2 weeks before he died. He said he has had a lot of things like that happen around him. He said Nina Simone did her last song with him at his concert. He said Aretha Franklin did a show with him and she was so ill. He said he asked if she was able to do it. He said she came out and played for 45 minutes and just went for it. He said she never sang again after that. He said those moments have happened to him. Elton said that Aretha said she was never going to sing again in public. He said she never did.
Howard said he's like the angel of death. He hoped that nothing would happen to him after this.
Howard said he read something about Bernie writing lyrics about Bob Dylan about him going electric. Howard said Bernie came to him with the lyrics and Elton said he was never able to write the music to that particular lyric. Howard asked why that is. Elton said that he has no idea why that is because it's such a great lyric. He said he tried and tried but someone else had to come up with it. He said he so wanted to do it because he was there when Bob went electric. He said his son cam down the other morning and started singing the song. He said he asked him to buy the album for him. He said he did that for him. He said that Bob has always been very sweet to him. He said that sometimes he just can't write a melody for those lyrics. He said the percentage is very small but that happens.
Howard said Elton put out this ''Jewel Box'' thing and he has some of his demos on it. He said he wants to understand what this is. He said this is almost like what a painter does. He said you do a quick sketch so to speak. He said this is where you figure everything out like the shading and all of that. He said then you take it into the studio for the musicians. Elton said it's exactly that. He said that you listen to that and take it and spend time with it to figure out how to improve it. Howard said he loves that. He said he's exposing himself with this Jewel Box thing. He said he's showing his sketches. Elton said he is. Howard asked if Bernie thought it was a bad idea. Elton said he never looks back at his old material. He said this idea came out before the pandemic appeared. He said he had to listen to things he doesn't remember even writing. He said he had a lot of trepidation about this. He said he thought they'd sound terrible. He said they're like embryos. He said that they show the progression of his career. He said they are what they are and they are the story of how their song writing relationship evolved.
Elton told Howard about one of the songs he recorded and how he doesn't remember it at all. He said it was great to go back and appreciate where they came from and how hard they worked. He said there were a lot of disappointments along the way and he doesn't hate them at all.
Howard said on Disc 5 there's a song he really liked. He said this is Elton doing ''My Father's Gun'' and it's worked out in his head and stripped down. Howard played some of the song for Elton. Howard said he gets a thrill hearing that stripped down like that. He said that he was shocked to read that Madman Across the Water was recorded in 4 days. Elton said they had a budget. He said in 1970 they had a $5,000 budget. He said that was pretty big in 1970. He said they did all of it live other than the backing vocals. He said that they did that in 3 and a half days. He said that they had to do all of the albums like that. He said they only did 2 albums a year because of that. He said he's not sure how the hell they did that.
Howard said it's amazing that they were able to do that so quickly. He said that's almost unbelievable. Elton said it was rehearsed. He said he knew his part. He said he had to play a harpsichord on one album and he had to play it live. He said he was terrified. He said that he couldn't afford to get it wrong because it would cost a fortune. He said you rise to the occasion.
Elton said he's doing two more and he wants to go out on a high. He said he wants to do some other shows and feature some of these songs that Howard has pointed out. He said that the day he starts not playing well he has to stop. He said he wants to go out better than he was. He said he wants to go on stage and be better than he was. He said you never know how things are going to go at a live performance.
Elton said he had to go out and prove himself when he did that song ''My Father's Gun'' he had to prove something. He said you have to give yourself something and show that you can sing better. He said that he's 73 and he thinks he sings better than ever.
Howard said he thinks about his early yeas. He said that he had a step father known as Derf. He said this guy would take him to pubs and get him gigs. He said he would get him tip money by passing his cap around. Elton said that he was an amazing guy. He said he let him wear what he wanted. He said his father didn't want him to be a musician but he understands that. He said he wanted him to have a job. He said he gets that because his father grew up in the depression. He said he had a life of adventure and his step father helped him with that.
Howard said that it would have been nice if his father had given him something. Elton said he is in touch with at least 3 of his half brothers and he was good to them. He said that his parents never should have married. He said he was the product of that marriage and he doesn't think he knew how to show him that love. He said he did show him love in other ways. He said that men in the 50s weren't tactile. He said some still aren't these days. He said he has no resentment toward his father now. He said that he's been dead for over 20 years and he's still trying to prove things to him. He said that he thinks at the end of the day he would have been very proud of him.
Howard said that's sad that he has to prove to his father that he means something. He asked how he got rid of that resentment. He asked if he got therapy. Elton said he got sober in 1990. He said that he went through the 12 step program. He said he did a lot of therapy and wrote things down. He said he had to learn to walk and become a human being again. He said that he's in touch with his half brothers and they're great. He said if he sees his father in an afterlife that would be great. He said that his half brothers are great kids too. He said his father did good with them. Howard said that's kind of sad. He said he'd be kind of bitter. Elton said you can't carry that with you. He said what he learned in 1990 has taught him so much. He said you can't stop learning things. He said Howard has changed a hell of a lot too. He said we were all crazy mother fuckers. Howard said he was out of his mind.
Howard said he's looking at Elton with his glasses on and he has glasses. He said he has a story in his book about how he wanted to look like Buddy Holly and his dad told him not to masturbate or he'll go blind. He said it's funny when someone says that to you that you believe it. Elton said he believed him. He said he had to wear reading glasses in school and he thought that he was going to go blind because his eyesight was getting worse. He said he had less spunk coming out of him for about 4 years until someone told him that was bunk. He said this was in the 50s so that's the kind of thing that you believed. He said you worried about what the neighbors would say if you got divorced.
Howard said that his vision has gotten worse. He said he thinks it destroyed his eyesight by wearing glasses. Elton said he had lens replacement in his eyes a few years ago. He said he woke up after the second one and he had 20/20 vision. He said he wears glasses because he likes to wear them. He said he has reading glasses. He said he can see all the sings in the audience now. He asked if Howard would ever do that. Howard said he might. He said he's inspiring him.
Elton said that the lens replacement surgery is amazing. He said Howard would be amazed. Howard said he likes this. Elton said he'd be able to see his dick again. Robin said she's not sure about that.
Howard said he put two songs on his Jewel Box set that he thinks are horrible. He said they were ''Mr. Frantic'' and ''Comeback Baby.'' Elton said they are awful but they have to go on. He said it's warts and all. He said that you think thank god he found Bernie Taupin. Howard played some ''Comeback Baby'' and Elton said that time he had given up on masturbation. Howard played some of the ''Mr. Frantic'' and Elton sounded pained to hear it. He said you have to put it all out there.
Howard said he spent so many years leading up to that. He said he read a story about going in on an audition for Liberty records. He said he played this song. He played some of Elton's song for him. Elton said that's not it. Howard asked what it was. Elton said he played Jim Reeves. He played some of the song that he played for them. He said it was reel to reel tapes that they had there. He said this guy picked up an envelope that had some lyrics from Bernie in them. He said it just happened to be Bernie's lyrics that were randomly given to him.
Howard asked about how easy it was to write those songs to Bernie's lyrics. Elton said that he was able to write to them so easily. He said that it was much better than writing his own songs. He said you can hear that from listening to those two songs he just played.
Howard said that Elton was going to get married to a woman and a guy told him he's gay so he can't get married. He said Bernie wrote ''Someone Saved My Life Tonight'' about that. Elton said that grey wrote a whole album about that. He said that the album was about them and how they fell in love with each other but it wasn't that kind of relationship that you marry for. He said that this is the longest relationship that he has had in his life. He said you see all of that in the movie about his life. He said that Bernie was the glue that held him together. He said that they weren't living together but he was very lucky to be best friends with him. He said that the distance between them has kept them close.
Howard said that relationship with Bernie is something else. He said he talked to Paul McCartney about how John Lennon was the love of his life and Paul got uncomfortable with that. He said Bernie is the love of Elton's life. Elton said that's true but his kids are really the love of his life. He said Bernie is his soul mate.
Howard said he wants to play a couple more songs off of this ''Jewel Box'' album. He said he loves hearing the demos. He played more of them and said these are like sketches of songs. He played ''Amoreena'' which was a demo from the box set. Howard said he's something. He said this moves him so.
Howard asked where he was when he recorded this. Elton said it's very emotional for him too. He said they're good. He said he did the in a music studio in London. He said that's where he did all of their demos. He said they sound alright.
Howard asked if he's in a rush to get the demos out or is it something that stays in his head. Elton said they were doing demos on the sly. He said they were supposed to be writing songs for other people. He said that he'd write at home and get them into the studio.
Howard said this is ''Burn Down the Mission.'' He played some of that demo. Howard said what's incredible to him is that he says he was influenced by The Band. He said that he hears it now in this demo. Elton said it's totally The Band. He said they changed their way of writing songs.
Howard said then you go to Madman Across the Water. He played some ''Razor Face'' and said they could have released these as an album. Howard said this is some collection of demos.
Howard played some ''All the Nasties'' demo and said that now it seems obvious what that song is about. He said that he was wondering if he should be out of the closet. He said all the nasties were people who were going to say shit about him and possibly end his career. Elton said yes indeed. He said it didn't work out like that. He said he did a wonderful interview with Rolling Stone and he said he was bisexual. He said in the end it was because of this man who did the interview. He said he knew what he was going to ask. He said he said that no one had the balls to ask him before that. He said this guy treated him with kid gloves and he will be forever appreciative of that. He said it took a huge weight off his shoulders at the time.
Howard said he writes about all of this in his book which is called ''Me.''
Howard said that the funny thing is that people in England were more worried about his hair than his sexuality over there. Elton said the national paper over there would do things like that. He said there was a time when he did a Freddie Mercury concert and they said he had a dead squirrel on his head. He said looking back on the footage it wasn't good. He said that he doesn't like being bald. He said that's it. He said he doesn't like looking like Shrek.
Howard said he knows what he means about his hair. He said that he can't imagine going bald. Elton said that's a personal decision and at the end of the day, who cares?
Howard said he had a relationship with Rod Stewart and it was kind of odd. He said Rod would call him and tease him if he had a number 1 album and Elton didn't. He said that it is informal and kind of funny to tease but it's also mean. He said he doesn't like to be teased. Elton said he never found it to be mean to him. He said that they always had this kind of relationship. He said he had a big blimp over London and he had someone shoot it down for him. He said he and Rod always had this kind of friendly rivalry. He said he loves him to death. He said he did say something in an interview once that upset him but he got over it. He said that was the end of it as far as he's concerned. He said he hasn't heard from him lately. He said he does love him dearly and he would give him the biggest hug if he saw him on the street. He said there's no reason to carry on vendettas. Elton said you can't erase great years of friendship over one thing.
Howard said when Rod recorded ''Country Comfort'' he changed a lyric and that upset Elton. Elton said that upset Bernie, not him. He said if he was in a rock and roll band he would say that Rod was the best rock voice. He said that Mick would be second.
Howard said he was surprised to read that he didn't have a close relationship with David Bowie. He said that surprised him. He said that seems like a friendship that would have worked. He said they just never warmed up to one another. Elton said they did at first. He said they used to hang out a lot. He said that they would go out to dinner. He said that they both became successful and they drifted apart. He said David said some hurtful things but they both did the Freddie Mercury concert and they made up. He said they just went their own ways. He said there was no animosity there. He said David was David and he was himself. He said that David died in a dignified way and he left behind a great music library. He said it did hurt him when he called him Rock and Roll's token queen. He said they both said things and they were no big deal.
Howard said he loves his stories. He said that he did coke with the Rolling Stones and got to perform with them on stage. Elton said he was supposed to play 2 numbers with them and he stayed for 4. He said Keith wanted to slit his throat over that. He asked who wouldn't love to play with that band. He said if you stay for 4 after being asked to do 1 song then it's to much.
Howard said he's Elton John and that has to be great to be a solo act and not worry about a band. Elton said he's sure that Pete and Roger don't like each other but they make great music. He said Mick and Keith are the same. He said that Keith has said some mean things about Mick but at the end of the day that tension may help. He said Keith is a character and that's just who he is. He said the tension between those two helps the band create. He said it must be painful for the other people around them.
Howard asked if he's playing piano every day. Elton said he never does unless the boys ask him to. He said his 7 year old came down and said he can play Deep Purple. He said he doesn't play at all. He said that some people play every day but he plays 120 shows a year so he doesn't want to play at home. Howard said you have to keep your chops. Elton said he plays tennis and does things like that. He said he does exercises and things.
Howard asked if he ever has a song in his head. Elton said he never does. He said he needs a lyric. He said it's bloody odd and strange but it works. He said he has never questioned it. He said he made a very wise decision to not write his own lyrics.
Howard asked if Bernie gives him a lyric does he imagine it right away or does it come out of his fingers. Elton said he gets a bunch of lyrics at once he'll go through them and see what comes out. He said that Tiny Dancer was a very California thing. He said that's how he wrote the music for that. He said that the process of writing with Bernie has never changed from what it was early on. He said it's the same fun today that it was 35 years ago. He said he doesn't have a special studio or anything. He said he doesn't bring his work home with him.
Howard said he wrote some of his songs in just 20 minutes while eating breakfast. Howard asked how he does that. Elton told Howard about how he and Bernie would eat breakfast and he'd start to write the music. He said then the band would finish breakfast and go right to the studio to put it down live.
Howard said how about you give him a month of his life and come on the show every day and do an interview. He said he just loves him. Elton said that he thinks he'd lose listeners. Howard said not at all.
Howard said his music has helped him in his life and he has given the world and him so much. He said he thinks he's a magnificent human being. He thanked him for coming on the show today.
Howard said he has to give his condolences on his father in law dying. Howard said he thinks that if he kept his real name that he would have been a success. Howard said his name is Reginald Dwight. Elton said that wouldn't have worked. He said he had to change it. Howard said it's a better name than Howard. Elton said he likes Howard. Howard said he changed his name to Miles August for like one show. He said that didn't last long.
Howard gave Elton a plug for ''Jewel Box'' and said he wanted to play more but it's a fantastic journey to listen to it all. He said his book ''Me'' is also available. He said there's a new chapter in the paperback. Robin said the movie was fantastic too. Howard said h loves him and thanked him so much for doing this. Elton said they have to go to dinner when this thing is all over. Howard wished him luck and let him go after that.
Robin said she was thinking about those people who were busy reporting on his hair when this man is a national treasure. She wondered how you can be carrying on about what's on his head. She said it's crazy.
Howard said if Rod Stewart is listening just call Elton. He said he remembers working in Detroit and sitting in the house getting his ass kicked. He said that a DJ told him that Elton's name was Sharon and Rod Stewart was Phyllis. He said he heard this and he wondered what was going on. He said he didn't know what to make of it. He said he was told all of these stories and his head was spinning.
Howard said all of Elton's albums blew his mind. He said he means so much to him. Robin said she heard rumors of his sexuality and she was singing a song with her roommates around and one of them said that she heard that he might be gay. Robin said she didn't care, she loved his music.
Howard took a call from a guy who said thanks so much for that interview. Howard said he had so much more he wanted to talk to him about. He said he didn't get to talk to him about so many songs. He played some of the stuff he wanted to talk to him about.
Howard said he didn't get to talk to him about Benny and The Jets, Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting and a few others.
Howard said there's one track that was released in Russia in 1979 and it was ''I Heard it Through the Grape Vine'' and he was improvising. He said he wanted to get his thoughts on that. He played some of that performance.
Howard said he told Elton he needs about 10 hours with him. He said he only got an hour and a half. Robin said that was a nice amount to give them. She said he brought up that story of Jimmy Iovine recording that song with him and John Lennon. She said Jimmy brought that up when he was on the show.
The caller said that he got a divorce around the time that Howard did and he has to thank him for helping him get through that. Howard let him go and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he doesn't know the lyrics to any song. Robin said 50 Cent is a big producer now and he's not even making songs now. Robin said he has produced TV and movies lately. Howard said he's a show off.
Howard said he was thinking about how amazing Elton and Bernie are together. He said it's like Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth or Sammy writing the songs together.
Howard said he heard Benjy is thinking of getting a hair system on his head because of Elton John. He said that's what he came away with after that interview.
Howard did a commercial read for Blackened American Whiskey since they sponsored the show today.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been listening to the show since the early 90s and it was so cool to have Elton back on. He said he has seen him 197 times in concert. He said he has to say that he got some cool stories out of him. He said this box set is really brave and there are 8 discs. He said so many of his best songs weren't even on radio. He said he had so many hits that he kept putting album after album out. He said Elton could have been even more famous. Howard said he had so many great songs that they interfered with each other. He said the albums all went to number 1.
The caller said that no one ever did what Elton did with his albums. Howard said this is why it's impossible to do an hour and a half long interview with Elton John. He said he had so many things to talk to him about. He said Elton wants to put together a Broadway play where he only plays his deep cuts and none of his hits. He said that he'd go see that every day if he could. He said the guy had so many hit albums and songs it's almost unimaginable.
Robin said there was a time when you couldn't go without hearing an Elton John song on the radio. Howard said he tried to tell Elton that he didn't need any of those tactics of dancing on the piano or dressing in a duck suit. He said he has so much talent. Robin said he didn't think he could just sit there and do that but the music stands alone.
Howard said he has told the story before about this rich guy who invited him to his house and he had Tom Petty and the Heart Breakers playing a concert in his living room. He said the next year he shows up and there are maybe 150 people at the party. He said there were 50 in the living room. He said Elton John was there and did a full concert there. He said it was all stripped down but he did it there and just played. He said he was watching it the whole time. The caller said he hated him when he heard that story. Howard said he hated himself over that story.
The caller said that he hopes in 100 years they'll still be playing his music. Howard said they will if there's still a planet.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she's so thankful for Elton John. She said he's a humble and kind human being. She said she's having a wonderful day with this today. She said that Wolfie Van Halen and Sarah Silverman were great too. Howard hung up on Mariann as she was yelling.
Robin said she hates that Elton played at Rush Limbaugh's wedding. Howard said next time they'll ask about that. Robin said she wants to know how that happened.
Howard said they had a good connection with him this morning too. Robin said he had a lot of stuff behind him too and you know he was in England because it was all British stuff.
Howard said Elton writes about going to Studio 54 and things like that in his book. He said it's worth a read.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine and said he has gotten some hate mail. He said he's not sure why because he likes Mike. Mike said they're the people who hate Howard but they can't stop listening to him.
Howard read some of the email that Mike got. He had some where people complained that he's an air whore like Bobo. There were people who said he interrupts Howard all the time too. Howard said just keep doing your thing. Mike said he must hate him since he picks up on him all the time. Howard and Robin said Mike has people who hate him too. They kept saying it like Mike kept telling Howard about his haters before.
Mike said that Elton is a great interview. He said he loved what he said about The Band and all of that. He said he was even better than he thought he'd be.
Howard said imagine you have Neil Young sit down and play you his whole album in front of you. He said it was crazy stuff.
Howard said King of All Blacks left a voicemail about Sarah talking about peeing. He played that audio and King was talking about how he'd let Sarah pee all over him. He said he'd love to smell her panties. Robin let out some groans over that. King asked her to send a jar over to him.
Howard said it did shock him that Sarah didn't know about where her pee comes from. Robin said she needs a doctor.
Howard said a lot of people wrote in about Debbie the Cum Lady. He read some of that feedback. Some people wrote in about how gross her discussions are. Howard said he got grossed out by some of that too.
Howard said Debbie left them a voicemail about drinking cum during the flu season. He played that call and Debbie talked about how semen can help you avoid getting sick. She gave some tips on giving head too. Robin was getting grossed out by that too.
Howard took a call from Bobo and told him that fans wrote in about how they wanted to hear from him over Mike. Bobo said you can't please everyone. He went on to talk about how great Elton was and then asked if Howard thinks he'll give up on therapy when he gets into his 70s. Howard said he'll probably still be talking to him. He said he's just trying to get through every day. He said his psychiatrist talked him off the ceiling yesterday. He said he's not sure what the end game is.
Robin asked if he thinks on his very last day that he'll want to talk to his psychiatrist. Howard said he probably will.
Howard said they have a Bobo song parody to the tune of an Elton John song. Howard played that for Bobo.
Howard moved on and took a call from a guy who said that the parties he goes to are very exclusive. He asked who else goes. Howard said this was about 10-12 years ago. He said he doesn't go to a lot of parties. He said that he used to go to parties that Jimmy Kimmel would throw for him but that's about it. He said no one super famous was at this party that Elton was at. He said they were just super rich people. He said he was shocked by the whole thing.
Howard said Erik's penis is tiny and gross. Erik said this time it wasn't gross. Howard asked how that can be. Erik said listening to Debbie made him so hot and horny yesterday. He said they're making plans to get together for New Years.
Howard said Debbie has said she wants to blow Erik. He said she said she'll blow him and play with his balls and all of that. Erik said that she said no fucking. He said no fingering his ass. He said that he's only going to let her blow him. Howard said maybe he'd like the fingering. Erik said he's never had that. He said he likes blow jobs.
Howard asked Erik if he's afraid that she'll pull out a plumb back there from his ass. Erik said he's not worried because he uses baby wipes.
Howard asked Erik if it felt good when Joey Boots rubbed cream in his ass. Erik sad that was an emergency. Howard asked if it felt good. Erik said it didn't really.
Gary asked Erik if he has ever gotten a blow job and actually finished. Erik said he has. Gary asked who. Erik said it was the ex-girlfriend he had problems with whose name he didn't want to mention.
Gary said he and Shuli think that Erik has never gotten blown. He said that her head would just keep hitting his belly because his penis is so small. Howard said Gary is right, he said Debbie would be trying to get that thing going. He said it's almost inverted. He said she's going to have to rub that area just to see the turtle's head poke through. Erik said she told him not to jack off until he sees her.
Howard asked Erik how he's going to hook up with her. Erik said he's going to drive out to her. Howard said he wants to hear the details. Erik said he's going to drive there and maybe spend a week there. He said they'll get a place together and she'll take him sight seeing. He said she'll give him blow job after blow job. He said he told her she can give him as many blow jobs as she wants.
Howard asked Erik if he's being careful at all during this pandemic. Erik said he's healthy and takes vitamins and lost weight. He said he lost 80 pounds after his knee surgery. Robin said it's just random. Erik said he got a note from his doctor saying he's not pre-diabetic anymore.
Howard asked if Sal has the picture yet. Sal said he doesn't. Erik said Debbie has it. He said he can't find it in his phone because it's buried in there somewhere. Howard told him to take it and send it to Sal. Erik said he'll email it to him. He asked if someone can get Debbie on the phone. Howard asked why they need her. Erik said that's so she can describe it. Robin said send the picture and they'll know.
Howard asked Shuli what's going on. Shuli said Erik has been going crazy asking for Debbie's number. He said he told him no but he found her number. He said this woman is no joke. He said she has had dreams about blowing him and eating his ass. Shuli said he's also flying out to L.A. to stay at his friend's house for Thanksgiving. He said he's renting a car. Robin said he's doing everything that the CDC says not to do. Shuli said he never wears a mask either.
Howard said if he were Erik he'd drive to Florida right now to get blown. Erik said she says she's busy working and they made plans for New Years. He said she has to find out if that's okay with her for him to come down. Howard said he's not sure she wants him down there. Erik said he wants to stop by Shuli's house in Alabama too. Howard said Shuli doesn't want him there.
Shuli said he asked Erik where he should move and he told him Brooklyn. He said he just saw a guy on a bus with a flame thrower. He said Erik told him that's old news.
Sal said Debbie is sending him the picture of Erik's cock now. Howard asked if Robin wants to see it. Robin said why not. Howard said he's kind of curious. Erik said she said it's the most fascinating thing she's seen.
Sal said he has the picture. Howard asked if it's the most fascinating thing he's seen. Erik said it's not small. Howard took a look and said ''Oh my god.'' Robin said that's hysterical. Howard asked if that's fully aroused. Erik said it is. Howard said there's no more than an inch and a half or two inches at the most. Shuli said it looks like a door stop.
Erik asked how big they think an erection gets. Howard said a lot bigger than that. Howard said Gary was impressed by it though. Gary said he remembers the small penis contest and it barely peeked out of the hair then. He said it's not big but he did think it looked bigger than that time.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik's penis who was complaining about them calling him small.
Howard thanked Erik for the picture. Erik said that he'll take pictures with her when he's out there with him. Howard said yes. Erik asked if he wants Shuli to cover it. Howard said yes. He said he wants a 5 camera shoot. He said he wants the whole budget put into that.
Shuli said he was working there for about a month and they were talking about what they were going to do. He said they were talking about the craptacular and he raised his hand while everyone else looked like they were being pranked. He said he wanted to cover that because it was history being made.
Howard said he would call the news department and tell them they had to cover Erik taking a dump.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said that he'd like to see High Pitch Erik's dick pic. Howard asked why. Erik said Ralph is super gay. Ralph said he just has to see how disgusting it is. Erik said it's not disgusting. Ralph said he bets it is. He said someone sent him one of Erik and he has a big blemish on his stomach too. Howard said that must have been Chris Wilding.
Howard asked if Ralph has the picture. Ralph said he does but he's not sure if it's the same one. He asked Sal to send it over. He said he wants to see it hard. Howard told Sal to do it. Erik was fine with it.
Ralph got the picture and said it's even worse than he thought. He said it looks like a fake dick. He said he has a dent in the head of it. Howard took another look at it from Sal's camera. Howard asked what that is. Sal said it's some kind of indentation on here. Howard asked what the dents are. Erik said maybe it's a veiny cock. Shuli asked if it's a zipper accident scar. Erik said he has no idea.
Ralph said what's even worse is all of the shit that Erik has in his place. He said it's full of stuff. He said he has shit piled up in his apartment. Erik said he has two TVs on his wall and his medications in the bags.
Howard said look at the head of his cock. He said it looks like a chewed up dog toy. Erik looked at his cock and asked if it's the hair. Howard said it's not. Sal said if you zoom in you can see a white cheese around the head of his cock. Ralph said he can't look at it anymore. Sal said it's like a ring of cheese.
Howard said he has to send pictures to him before sending them to Debbie. Erik said at least it was hard. He said he did that after he heard Debbie yesterday. Robin asked when he washed that thing last. Howard said he has to go. Ralph wanted to say something but he had already hung up. He told him to call back.
Shuli said that Erik was driving around and came upon an accident and took out his police lights and cones and tried to help the people. Howard said he did everything you're not supposed to do. Erik said there were no police vehicles on the scene. He said he had his blood pressure monitor kit and made sure everyone was okay. Shuli said he was supposed to get rid of those lights. Erik said they were in the back of his truck. He said he put them in his window.
Robin said imagine the help that shows up is Dr. Erik. Erik said that he did take their pulse and blood pressure. Robin said he actually used that on someone? She said ''oh my god.''
Howard said he told Erik to get rid of those lights. He said he could have chased away legitimate first responders if they saw the lights going. Erik said he gave the ambulance people their information with their blood pressure and pulse. He said the girl was shaken up and he gave her the pulse and blood pressure. He said it was 179 over 64. Howard said that doesn't sound right. Erik said it sounds fine to him. Howard said being overweight that would sound okay.
Howard said you know Erik wasn't wearing a mask when he went over to the car. Howard asked if he was. Erik said not at that time. Shuli said the only time he wears a mask is if he has to go into an establishment that he has to wear one into. He said he's not wearing one around his friends. Howard said imagine you survive the accident and Erik kills you with COVID-19.
Howard let Erik go a short time later. Shuli asked Howard to tell Erik to participate when they ask him to. He said he cancels things at the last minute. He said he thinks he might be going a little heavy on the pain meds. Howard asked Erik what's going on. Erik said he's on pain meds and he rests for lunch until dinner. He said he's tired and he's doing physical therapy. Robin asked how many pills he's taking. Erik said just one Percoset a day. He said he has to take Tylenol and things like that.
Gary said that the meds are only supposed to last 10 days. He asked why he's still on Percoset. Erik said he gets them when he runs out. Gary said he shouldn't be on them for 3 months. Erik said his knee is going to be numb for about a year. He said he's also on muscle relaxers. Howard said his afternoon nap is 5 hours.
Shuli said he calls Erik to help with the show and he'll tell him to call back after 6. He said he's still tired at 6. He said he's always sleeping.
Howard said Erik has so much to live for. He said he has a blow job coming up on New Year's eve. He said he's one of his best, worst callers.
Erik said he only takes 2 Percosets a day. Robin said he just told them that he only took 1. Shuli said things are so bad that he called Mariann to come move his car for him. Erik said his helper usually does it.
Gary said he has numbness with his knee but it's not painful. Erik said he takes it for the numbness. Robin said it doesn't help with the numbness. Erik said that it does help. He said they have a medication for it.
Gary said the Percoset is a pain killer. He said he shouldn't be on that any longer than 10 days. He said this makes no sense. Erik told him the other meds he's on. Howard said this could go on all day long.
Howard said he doesn't want to hang up on him. Robin asked how many days a week he's doing physical therapy. Erik said two days. Howard said all he's saying is that he had better be careful. He said his stomach sounds like it's a Walgreens. He said he had better check with the doctor on what he really needs. He said he's sleeping too much and he has to do something.
Howard took a call from Erik's (fake) doctor. The guys were playing clips of Wendy the Slow Adult who agreed that Erik is taking too much medication. They had her answering yes to Howard's questions. They had Wendy coughing too.
Howard let Erik go and Erik wished them all a Happy Thanksgiving. Robin told him to stay safe. Howard said that's the funniest thing she's ever said. He said he has no regard for COVID-19 and he's taking too much medication and she tells him to stay safe.
Howard read some fan feedback about Robin. People wrote in about how funny she's been lately with comments about various things.
Howard said Robin has to be proud of herself. He said she's on fire. He sang to her about how on fire she's been lately.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that medication Erik is taking is a muscle relaxer. He said that he takes it for back pain. He said it knocks him out for 12-14 hours. He said Erik is taking it for nerve pain but that's not what it is. He said that's what's putting him down. Robin said add that to Percoset and you may never wake up.
Howard said this sounds insane. Shuli said Erik had the same surgery that Gary had. He said he wasn't returning his calls so he asked Gary what he thinks. He said he thinks he's abusing the pills so he has to try to do something about it.
Robin wondered what the home health aide is thinking when she sees him sleeping all day. Howard said she's thankful that he's sleeping.
Howard said they have a Comics on Comics special on the app. He said check that out.
Fred played Journey's ''Don't Stop Believing'' and Howard said that many people have asked him about his contract. He said people want to know if he's leaving SiriusXM when his contract is over. He said that he did want to say that he's made a decision. He said it wasn't easy because working there is great. He said being at home has been great too. He said that he talked it over with his wife and with Robin and they are going to... They went to black just like The Sopranos series finale. The show was over around 10:50am.