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Howard started the show talking about the ''Hey now!'' clip by quoting it from The Larry Sanders Show. Robin said his voice is very deep today. She said it sounds like Hank. Howard said he's been up since 3 in the morning. He said he thinks about things and gets upset. He said he was upset by multiple things this morning. He said last week he got a lot of good feedback about his hair. He said if you saw on Twitter and Instagram he looked kind of cute with his hair. He said it was fuller than usual. He said he comes to work with his hair kind of wet so it's little tight curls. He said he pulls it out later in the morning. He said he looks like that comic book character Nancy. He said one day he came in and didn't have time to shower so his hair looked okay. He said Robin said it looked really good. He said he did the same thing the next day. He said that's what he's trying to do now. He said this morning he got up and it looked okay. He said he ran his fingers through it and got dressed. He said he looked kind of handsome in a hippy rock star kind of way. He said his wife took a look at him and asked what was up with his hair. He said he wondered what he did wrong. He said everyone convinced him it looked good. He said he thought he looked handsome but Beth said it didn't look good. He said she told him it's too late to shower.
Howard said he walked in and Will said something about his hair. He said he should have heavily gelled it yesterday. He said that way it would stay in place. He said he's back to square one with the whole thing now. He said Toni used to come in and do his hair. He said it's great to be a guy because you shouldn't have to do that. He said he doesn't want to sit in a chair getting ready like that. He said he wants to cut his fucking hair off. He said no one else gets their hair done. He said he has two good features, his hair and his feet. Everything in between is a horror show.
Howard said please excuse his hair today. He said if you see him wherever then you know he's just experimenting.
Howard said yesterday he and Beth did a marathon of 90 Day Fiance. He said he's okay with it but Beth loves it. He said they have really good shows on TLC. He said 90 Day Fiance is about a guy who just can't find a girl. He said they go on the internet and find girls from Russia or Columbia or somewhere like that. He said the show is about how they get the girl over there on a 90 day visa and they think they can marry them. He said no woman in this country will look at them but they think they can find someone in another country.
Howard said the women will come over and they're living with a guy in his parent's house. He said they have to fuck the guy to show they love them. He said the parents sit the guy down and tell him that he's out of his mind and the woman isn't in love with them.
Gary said there's a woman who is 53 and she's very large. He said she chain smokes and she got a hold of a 31 year old Nigerian guy. Howard said he just started the whole thing. He said he hasn't gotten to that one yet. He said he really enjoys fat people. He said if he wasn't a hit on the radio he probably would have had to go to the Philippines to get a woman.
Robin said she saw a segment where this woman had a Muslim guy and it looked like they were living in a motel. She said she was taking out all of these sex toys and the guy had no idea what they were. She had to explain that they were to excite her. The guy wondered why he wasn't enough for her.
Howard said he's having a hard time with this show but he needs something to watch with Beth. Robin told him to get a jigsaw puzzle. Howard said he took such a beating in the email last week. He read some of the comments he got from people about what he said about Gary wasting time with puzzles last week. Howard said people were asking about what's a bigger waste of time, puzzles or The Bachelor. Howard said at least he can get some material for the show from The Bachelor.
Howard read more comments about what he did to Gary last week. He said Gary could be doing so much for the show instead of wasting time with that stuff.
Howard said they went out in the street and asked people if they were offended that this holiday is on a Monday. Howard said the answers are very interesting. Howard played some people answering and the black people Sal interviewed were upset that it was on a Monday and they think it's racist.
Howard said Sal asked who is to blame for MLK day being on a Monday. He played the answers and the people were blaming the Jews or Trump for putting it on a Monday.
Howard said the Jews always get hit on the head. Robin said the day was on a Monday before Trump was around. Howard said it was made a holiday in 1983.
Howard said Sal asked if there should be a penalty for not observing the day. He had the answers from the black people Sal interviewed and they were saying there should be some kind of penalty. They wanted to take away holidays or jail people for it.
Howard said Sal found a woke white guy who feels guilty about taking a day off. Howard said he should go to work then. Robin said people are warped.
Howard said all he does is hate jigsaw puzzles. He said in honor of today they made a phony phone call for Martin Luther King day. He said they had their Whoopi impressionist call Tan Mom. He said they asked her to be part of The View for a talent show because Tan Mom is black. Howard played the call and they had fake Whoopi asking Tan Mom to be on the show for a special with black people. Tan Mom said she's not black. Whoopi kept going with trying to get her to come on and just play black. Tan Mom kept saying she's not black. Whoopi eventually got her to say some stuff as a black person.
Howard said that was Rachel Butera playing Whoopi. He said that Martin Luther King is looking down on them smiling with that bit.
Howard said he does get a lot of feedback about that appearance. Robin said it was really good. Howard said people tell him Bill Maher was good and he thinks they're talking about this show. He said it turns out it's Bill's show.
Howard said The Chiefs won and they're going to be in the Super Bowl. He said Richard is so weird. He said that everything about him is so strange. Robin said she's not sure he's even sincere. Howard said you can't believe someone is that fucked up. He said if it was an act it would have ended years ago.
Howard said Richard watched the Chiefs and he told the guys around there that he's going to Kansas City for the Super Bowl to watch the game outside. He said in Kansas City they sit outside to watch football there. He said yesterday it was 18 degrees out. He said those are the dummies who get a vote in this country. He said Richard is hopping on a plane to do this. Robin said he's going to watch it on TV. Howard said the guy is just a fucking weirdo.
Howard asked Gary what Richard had with the winter time playlist. Gary said he has a list of songs that he likes to listen to in the cold. Howard asked who does that. He said it's so annoying. He said he finds everyone around there pretty odd. He said not everyone but some of them are.
Howard said this song is Richard's winter time song by Amon Amarth. It's called Under The Northern Star. He played some of the song for Robin to hear. Robin said he must do that just to be odd.
Howard said how about they put Richard's desk outside today and see how he works in this weather.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his comment about them being dummies who get a vote was wrong. Howard said this is weird behavior. He asked when that became acceptable. The caller said with friends why not. Howard said you hang out with then inside. He said he's not the fucked up one here. The caller said it's not like they're eating Tide pods. Howard said they might as well.
Richard came in and said how about them Chiefs! Howard asked if the game was close. Richard said Mahomes fucking rules man. He started to get weepy about this. Richard said this is their fucking guy. He said Mahomes said they were going to get to Miami for him and his dad last year when he was on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said Richard is really moved.
Gary said he hates to interrupt but Richard has an enormous booger hanging from his nose. Howard took a look. He asked what is wrong with him. He had him get a tissue. Richard said he didn't know. Howard said he's going to throw up.
Howard said this is Richard talking to the Mahomes guy on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said that guy was probably wondering what's wrong with this guy. Richard was near tears talking to him.
Howard said Richard is going to be in a parking lot watching the game outside on TV. Richard said he may not do that. Howard said you have to use your head. Richard said there's an area in Kansas City where people gather for things like this. Howard asked if he thinks that he's out of his mind thinking this is nonsense. Richard said it's fine. Howard said he should become Mahomes and not worship the guy so much. Richard said you have to love life.
Howard asked when they get to Richard crying on this clip. He asked who is pulling these clips. He said he's listening to the entire Wrap Up Show. He said they must all be sitting outside watching TV in the 18 degree weather.
Howard said this clip should have been quick. He said it's 12 minutes long. He said he has to give up. He asked if he's the only one doing radio around there. He said it's the mentality of podcasting. He said they never had the pressure of getting ratings. He said they think anyone can do it.
Richard asked if he got his booger. Howard said he did. Richard said he hasn't trimmed his nose hairs in a long time. Howard said this clip is longer than The Irishman. Howard played more of the clip and asked who pulled it. It was JD but JD said he pulled it a while ago. He said he didn't just pull it. Howard told him to go pull something else. He said go pull your pud. JD said ''Go 49ers.'' Richard said fuck that.
Howard said it's too much for him doing this show. He said it's enough already. He said he has to go home and get away from everyone. He said the guy who pulls clips on the show just said he had nothing to do with pulling the clip. JD said he pulled it but not today. He said he was getting emotional at the beginning too. Howard said he was not.
Howard played more of Richard getting upset while talking to Mahomes. They finally got to the part where Richard was crying.
Howard said he has no one to count on. He said not even JD who he thinks of like a son. He said he should have pulled just that 18 seconds of Richard crying. He said he has to put Richard outside and JD out there with him. He said they can both sit out there in 18 degree weather. Richard said he should have to eat his tissue with the booger. JD said he's not doing anything.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that whenever he hears Richard talk it's something ordinary to Richard. He said it's totally disgusting when he has a booger on his nose and Howard doesn't notice it. Howard said this guy is making zero sense and he should be doing a podcast. Richard said he likes him for saying he's on his side. Howard asked where this guy grew up. The caller said he went to school in Detroit. The caller said he thinks Richard's fascinating with Patrick Mahomes is pretty cool. He said there's nothing wrong with it. Howard said they're talking about him flying to Kansas to watch the game on the street. He asked what he doesn't get. Howard said he's wasting his time there. He said he doesn't know why he does this show.
Howard said he and Beth had watched a bunch of 90 Day Fiance last night. He said they had watched it outside with a bunch of people. He said he was there bumming out for his Sunday night bum out. He said he was bumming out and he asked what her plan is. He said Beth said she has to make a phone call or something. He said he was envious. He said he just wants to be home. He said he would rather be home and not with a guy who has a booger hanging out of his nose.
Howard said he's envious of Richard because of his relationship with his father. He said he listens to his phone calls with him and his dad says the sweetest things to him. He said that's foreign to him. He said if he had that he would be so well adjusted. Robin said he'd be sitting in the cold. Howard said he thinks Richard should be normal. He said he's not sure what the right upbringing should be.
Howard said he has to share some of Richard's dad's calls. Howard said his dad was kind of cold and angry. He said he was super intelligent though. He said he instilled tremendous neurosis in him. He said there isn't a day that he doesn't wake up and think that he can do this. He said he needs to go to that Oprah class. He said a friend of his mentioned that she knows the person who runs that Oprah thing and he can go with her. He said imagine if he went to that. He said the thing is like 7 hours long.
Howard said he was yelling about the Oprah thing this weekend. He said he was watching her on Instagram and he's not sure where this was but it was her going to something with 50 women sitting there with her. Robin said Howard wastes his time just like Richard does. Howard said Oprah was on stage and she wears tight knit clothes. He said it's very tight. He said she's standing up there as the head of Weight Watchers. He said she's on this W.W. tour with them. He said one woman gets up and this woman is black and much taller than Oprah. He said she has a weight issue but she's not obese. He said Oprah looks like a beach ball. He said Oprah asks her what her vision is. He said the woman says she would like to lose 35 pounds. He said Oprah gives her a look and says she has decided to lose 35 pounds. He said he figured the woman would ask Oprah when she's going to decide to lose 35 pounds. He said it's like getting diet advice from Benjy. Robin asked why he's watching. Howard said that's not the issue. He said he wanted to ask this woman to come on this show and he'll tell her how to lose weight. He said Oprah is heavier than this woman.
Howard said he wouldn't have a problem with this if Oprah weighed 125 pounds. Robin said it's so ridiculous. She said these things don't even make sense and he's watching it. Howard said he's upset and he can't help it. Robin said Howard is doing as much of nothing as Richard is.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks he's jealous of Oprah. Howard said he is jealous. He said everyone knows this. He said he's not sure why people are taking diet advice from her. He said he is interested in this. He said Robin is distracting him from the truth. He said Robin is like Trump and his impeachment. He said he doesn't like the process. He said they never get to the core of it. Howard said he just happens to follow Oprah and he sees these nice ladies asking for diet advice and Oprah is giving it to them. He said it does matter. He said he has tried not to take advantage of his fans all these years. He said Oprah is taking advantage of her fans.
Robin said there are people selling all kinds of crap to their fans. She said there are people who sell EIB chairs to their fans. Richard said they bought one of those.
Howard said he has so much wisdom. He said he needs to share it with his fans. He said he just wants people to say he's better than her. Robin said she can't touch Howard. Howard said he needs to point it out to other people.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's much better than Oprah but the thing that gets him is that Richard is crying over a kid in his 20s and he's not crying over Howard. Richard said he has cried for Howard many times. Howard said he's never seen it. Richard said he has injured his nuts for him. He said he got his balls shocked and more. Howard said that's true. Richard said he loves him.
Howard said getting back to his dad he thinks Richard's dad has parenting down. He said he calls his son all the time for the most mundane reasons. He said that's okay. He said he can't get enough of this guy. He said it's very heartwarming to him. He said Richard's dad loves a catfish called a flathead. He said Richard grew up eating tons of it. He said his dad calls to let him know all the time when he's eating it. Howard played an example of Richard's dad calling about that.
Howard said his father never called to tell him what he ate for dinner. He said it's kind of sweet to him. Robin said his mother makes a big deal about the things they eat. Howard said he's sure the catfish tastes awful. Richard said he used to eat that stuff and he'd pull a black string out and it would turn out to be a feces string. He said he'd pull it out and keep eating. Howard said that's like deveining shrimp.
Howard said this is Richard's dad calling about a neighbor boy wanting to go fishing. He played the clip and Richard's dad talked about the neighbors going to fish and taking the catfish back in a baby carriage. They walked 10 miles to do that.
Howard said those boys are the biggest success stories in the neighborhood. Howard and Fred did their Richard's dad impressions talking about that. Richard said his school bus driver would bring chickens on the bus and they'd shit all over it.
Howard asked if he ever got beaten growing up. Richard said he got spanked but not beaten. Howard said he wishes he could spank Richard. Richard said he can.
Howard said he thinks Richard's dad enjoys his son. Robin said he does. She said he wants his company and wants him in touch with everything. Howard said his dad hated his company. Richard asked if he hated it when he got older too. Howard said he did. He said his dad was an excellent carpenter but he'd yell at him if he held the hammer wrong. He said you have to teach them how to use it. He said his dad expected him to just know everything. Richard said Howard's dad had a horrible upbringing. Howard said he did but still.
Howard said Richard's dad was impressed with a New York City rat so he called to share that with him. Howard played the clip where Richard's dad was talking about a rat chasing down a pigeon and catching it. He said it was a big one too.
Howard said his dad saw a pigeon being dragged off by a rat and he had to call Richard about it. Robin said that he thinks about him sharing it with his son.
Howard took a call from fake Dr. Phil who was telling him he really needs help. He said he's worried that he's getting jizzum on his cats. Howard hung up on him after that.
Howard said this is a message that Richard's dad sent about getting some jerky from Richard and how he liked the kangaroo jerky.
Richard said he got water buffalo jerky. He said he didn't know it was a thing. He said they raise them on farms in Florida. Howard said people who eat that stuff are jerks. He said that's why they call it Jerky.
Howard played another clip of Richard's dad talking about how they like box turtles and they come back from time to time to eat the mulberry's in the yard.
Howard asked why they don't kill them and eat them. Richard said they're kind of small and they're better for pets. He said the snapping turtles aren't so lucky. He said they're nasty and they can be eaten.
Howard said he likes that his dad is so good to him. He played another clip of Richard's dad talking about a Chief's game in a message. Richard said his dad is so happy just like he is. Howard said the players have no allegiance to the team. He said they'll go wherever.
Howard said Tom Brady seems to love playing for New England. He said he took a pay cut to get better players. Richard said he just sold his house up there so they think he's leaving. Richard said Mahomes is getting a $200 million contract for Kansas. He said he'll be the highest paid ever.
Howard said he thinks he has to watch the Super Bowl. He said he was busy the whole day so he didn't catch the games over the weekend. He said he was busy with other shows. Robin said it's all such a waste of time. Howard said he's not into 90 Day Finance as much as Beth is. Richard said he watched that too and he started to tell stories about the latest season but Howard cut him off since he's not up on the new season yet. Howard let Richard go after that. Howard said he has to take a break. He was wondering why Richard walks the way he does. Robin said he always looks like he just got off a horse.
Robin said if Howard had an upbringing like Richard he'd probably be doing the same kind of things Richard does. Howard said he'd be a happy idiot. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Gary asked if Brad running into Jennifer Aniston was engineered. Howard said it could have been. He said he's sure that someone is writing his speeches for him. Robin said he did have a joke about his mother going to the awards but every woman who stands next to him is considered his girlfriend.
Howard asked what Sal is laughing at. Sal said he loves watching Ronnie. Howard asked if Sal could be any tanner. Sal said he applied a light coating of this stuff. He said it's a spray that he used. Robin said he's using the same shade as her. Howard said he feels like he's committing an offense against black people. Howard asked if he has it all over his body. Sal said no. Ronnie said his hands are white as the wall. Howard said it's un-fucking-believable how tan he is. He said he looks fucking ridiculous. Sal said he thought it was a light coating. Sal said it makes him look healthier. Gary said there's no reason for him to put that shit on his face. Howard said he thought he was goofing on Martin Luther King day. Sal said he just tried to use this stuff called Fake Bake. He said it was on Amazon.
Howard said Sal looks native American or Indian. Sal said he did 2 or 3 sprays and then he rubs it in. He said he waits 3 hours and then gets in the shower. He thought that would even it out. Howard asked if he rubs it down his neck. Sal said no. Howard had him lift his shirt. Sal said he looks like a burnt match. He said he shaves his chest. Gary said no one is looking that close at him so he's not sure why he bothers with all of this.
Howard said Sal was giving Ronnie a lap dance. He said he shares an office with Steve Nowicki. He asked if he has him peppering his hair for him. Sal said he does. He said when he gets his hair cut he doesn't use that stuff in it. He said the barber had to wash his hands last time because he got black stuff on his hands. He said he stopped putting it in. He said Steve now puts it in for him after his hair cut. Howard asked who he's doing it for. Sal said he does it after seeing himself on the TV shows.
Howard said Gary told him that he went to Ronnie and asked where the Dunkin' Donuts came from and he didn't know again. Ronnie said they were there at 5 in the morning. He said they put them on the side and no one ate them. Howard said he should know where they're from. Ronnie said no one ate them. Gary said that he thought he would ask around where they came from. Ronnie said they have to leave a note. He said he's not sure why he's being blamed for it.
Howard said if Ronnie walks in and sees a box that's a mystery box. He asked if he ignores it. Ronnie said he doesn't ignore it. He said he'll grab it and throw it out the window. Ronnie said he came in and saw the Munchkins. He said he didn't do anything about it. Howard asked if he thought about taking them away so no one will eat them. Ronnie said he didn't ignore it. He said he ate one. Howard asked if he understands his point. Ronnie said he does. He said he told Gary not to eat it. Gary said he asked where they came from and Ronnie said he didn't know. Ronnie said that means don't eat it.
Howard said if there's a strange box sitting around there then when he comes in he should think about what to do with it. He said if he doesn't know where it came from then he should figure it out. Ronnie said these showed up at 5am. He said no one saw who they came from. Howard said if he as a security guy he would figure it out. He said his job is to protect the staff there.
Gary said he's sure he can go out and find out where they came from in under 60 seconds. Howard said this is what Ronnie should be doing. Gary came right back in and said one of the tech guys brought them. He said he's kind of new so he doesn't know about leaving a note. Howard said when Gary walked up to Ronnie he should have heard it was from the tech guy. He said either that or he should have said don't eat them because he has no idea.
Ronnie said that he's not sure why the system keeps breaking down. Jason said that doesn't make sense. He questioned Ronnie's logic there. Ronnie said that everyone should know the rules there.
Howard said Chris Wilding is out there yelling that Ronnie shouldn't be doing security there. Chris came in and said that Ronnie has checked out and he gives zero fucks. He said he wouldn't have found out. He said they don't know where the stuff came from and it could have been someone who rubbed their dick on it. Howard said Ronnie wants to be a cop and this is a great opportunity. Robin said he had to hunt down the person who bought the food and determine if it was safe to eat. Jason said he should be happy because there's so little for him to do around there. Robin said he could have figured out who brought it there because there's not that many people there at 5am.
Gary asked how many people Ronnie asked about the donuts. Ronnie said he asked one person. Howard said Ronnie should get into his job and be an investigative kind of guy. He asked what's going on there. Robin said he just said that they didn't leave a note. Chris said Ronnie cares about his own bagel but not everyone else's food being fucked with.
Howard said he should investigate. He said that's what he's told him before. Gary said that the note should say who brought this stuff in. He said Memet did that and had a note about the cookies being from his girlfriend. Howard said Ronnie has to figure it out and be the investigator. Chris said this is going to be an interesting year. He said it's going to be zero fucks Ronnie for 12 months.
Gary said Chris was saying it's like being a senior in high school and just going through the motions. Howard asked Ronnie if that's the truth. Ronnie said no. Howard asked if he feels he should be off today for Martin Luther King day. Ronnie said no. Howard said he's going to take a break and finish the Year in Review. Ronnie kept saying goodbye to Chris.
Howard said this is all his fault. He said Ronnie doesn't like to investigate. Howard took a call from one of the guys who was eating the donuts. He ended up saying they were fine but then puked. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard said he hates the cold. He said he hates bundling up and leaving the house. He said he hates it all. Robin said she hates it too. She said she was burning up this morning when she got here. Howard said his wife asked if he was going on an expedition to the North Pole. He said he said he was. He said then he gets there and there are hot and cold zones. He said it's like they haven't figured out heat and air conditioning. Gary said there are some conference rooms that are so hot there. Robin said they say they're calling for making the heat lower in the buildings to cut back on the waste. Howard said they say that this stuff gives New Yorkers character.
Howard said Sal was talking about how winter is great because you can do snot rockets. He said Sal is so gross. He said Sal was in a parking lot and his car froze. He said he wasn't able to get into it so he peed on the car to melt it. Ronnie burst out laughing. Sal said he wasn't able to get the key in. He said he did is discretely. Gary said every guy who whips his cock out says that.
Howard said he knows a guy who was a runner and he ran into the woods to take a leak. He said the guy ended up getting a ticket. He said he was so happy the cop got the guy. He said Sal is in the parking lot with moms and kids. Sal said it was an 82 Sunbird. He said he didn't have kids back then. Howard said he's talking about the moms and kids in the parking lot, not his kids. Sal said he wasn't able to get the key in and he wished he had hot water and the light bulb went off. Howard said a light bulb is supposed to go on, not off.
Howard said Sal just looks for reasons to whip his cock out. Sal said this was his last thought. He said it's a good way to unlock the door. He said he was just happy to be in his shitty Sunbird that day. Sal said one of his friends took a shit on the side of their highway. He said he was in the middle of it and the cop pulls up and shines the light on him. He said he panicked and started wiping his ass with the sock he had. He said he was pretending toe change his tire. He said he pretended he was moving his fingers on the lug nuts. He said he had a sock shoved up his ass and the cop asked why he had that up there.
Ronnie said that story is bullshit. He said no guy is going to sit there with a sock in his ass. Ronnie said that it's a bad joke. He and Sal argued about that for a minute. Howard told them to stop it. They kept arguing.
Howard asked why Ronnie investigates this but not the donuts. Ronnie said there's a big note out there now. Sal said it says that Ronnie is a big asshole.
Howard said Steve Nowicki was the victim of a hate crime. He said he put on ear muffs and some dudes walked up to him and said ''Nice ear muffs, faggot.'' He said now he won't wear them. He said that this guy thought they were gay or something. Howard said this guy started in with him like gay bashing. Robin asked why the guy had something to say to Steve at all. Howard said that's what people do. Robin asked where this happened. Howard said it was in Manhattan. He jokingly said Steve said they had giant penises hanging off of them.
Howard played a song parody about the winter weather sucking there in New York.
Gary said he was out and this woman was wiping her vagina on the side of the road. Robin said she saw a guy get out of his car and use his door as a shield to black the view of him peeing but he was out there doing it.
Howard asked Melrose if he's out there every day doing his thing with the signs. Melrose said he is out there a lot. Howard asked how old he is now. Melrose said he's 69 but he looks 68. Howard let him go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a fantasy about Howard retiring and finding out who gets jobs after he retires. He said he imagines Sal at an interview with the bad tan and all of that. Howard said they'll have a reality show on the app after he leaves where they find jobs.
The caller said he thinks that Ronnie is going to leave the show and Howard will be the old wife. Howard said they'll see how that goes. He said they wish him well but no one knows what Ronnie is doing.
Howard said there's a story about a guy who dumped a pot of diarrhea on a woman on the street.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Richard isn't all that crazy a and shitting on him for the Chiefs making it into the Super Bowl is great. Howard said his job is to make the show funny. He asked what the fuck is wrong with people. He said he busted Richard's balls because he's going to fly to Kansas and sit outside. He said if you think that's normal then stop listening.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they can get some Chiefs in there and get Richard to cry on the air. Howard said he's not taking more phone calls today. He said he's done. Gary said if the Chiefs win Richard will openly weep.
Howard tried one more call. The caller said he wanted to talk about the Peloton bike. He asked if he gets through the work outs. He said Howard is older and if he can get through them that's wild. Howard said he did 45 minute rides over the weekend. He said you have to build up to it. He said you get stronger and stronger if you're consistent. The caller said he is a runner and he knows what it takes. Howard asked why he takes calls. He said that was fine. He said he gets on with Jenn Sherman and it's very challenging.
Jason asked if Howard does a straight 45 minutes. Howard said he does. Gary said that they say that the teachers in the class don't have any tension on their bikes. Howard said he likes Jenn Sherman. He said it's working for him and he's sticking with her. He said she starts singing and he thinks that's her showing off that she can sing while working out. He said the rest of them can't sing because they're about to have a heart attack. He said he doesn't care if she doesn't have the tension set. He said she's motivating him. He said she's good.
Howard said they took the show to Los Angeles in 2019. Howard said it was the first time in 20 years that they took the show there. Howard said JD got high out there during that visit. Howard asked JD what he thought was going to happen. JD said he was afraid he was going to freak out or have some kind of psychotic episode.
Howard asked if JD got high this weekend. JD said not this weekend but he's working toward it. Jason said he gave him a starter kit for learning to roll his own weed. He said he gave him some rolling papers and a grinder too. JD said Shuli brought him some edibles too. He said he asked him to do that for him. Howard asked if he's high right now. JD said no.
Howard said Shuli is his guy now. JD said he's one of them. Sal asked how much he had to pay. JD said what he got was a gift. He said he hasn't gone out to buy anything. He said he's not opposed to it but he'd rather go through safe ways. Jason asked if the edibles are all candy. JD said they are. Jason said that way he can get fat while he gets high.
JD said he took one 40 mg one and he did feel things slowing down. Jason said that's a lot. He said that's not fucking around. He said out in L.A. there were guys taking 5mg and they were going nuts. Howard said 40 sounds like a lot. Jason said that JD can party with him at 40.
Gary said he has been reading stories about emergency room stories about people eating edibles and getting fucked up. Howard said JD is really into it. JD said the bad part of his mind is waiting for the bad part to happen.
Howard said JD wasn't able to light a lighter out in L.A. JD said he can light one now. He said he's been practicing.
Howard had a clip where Jennifer Aniston talked to JD about smoking for the first time.
Howard said that Seth Rogen and Snoop Dogg were on the show to help JD out with his pot smoking. Howard said JD called weed a drug and Snoop got upset with him over that. Howard played a clip from that day.
Howard said that was a great trip out there. He said another favorite moment was when Snoop talked about hiring a guy to roll weed for him full time. He said he just has a guy he pays $50,000 a year to roll joints. He said that was original. He played the clip where Snoop revealed that.
Howard said snoop and Seth stunk up the trailer so bad they had to move Demi Moore the next day. Howard said that was something. He said as long as they're recapping the other moment was when they took JD to the local weed cafe and he wasn't able to work the lighter. JD said as soon as he sat down and saw that lighter he knew he was going to be made fun of. Howard said using a lighter isn't that hard. JD said he was using the front of his finger instead of the side. Howard said it's not that hard to figure it out. JD said he never smoked. Howard said it's a pretty basic thing. He said he saw JD try to swim in 4 feet of water and he wasn't able to do it. He asked why he didn't just stand up. JD said he went down that slide and didn't have his glasses on. He said water hit him in the face. Howard said he could have just stood up. JD said he tried. Howard said if you're in 4 foot of water you can stick out almost 2 feet. JD said he didn't have his glasses on. Howard said it's a basic response to try to stand. JD said he wasn't able to find his bearings. Gary said he was flailing like a fish. JD said his legs couldn't find the bottom of the pool.
Howard said he'd like to see JD try to use a lighter. He played a clip of JD trying to use one at the cafe they went to out in L.A.
Howard said he felt bad for JD back then. The guys got him a lighter and JD showed off that he can light one now. It took him a few tries though. Gary said at one point he was trying to use two fingers to light it.
Howard said he's remembering how JD was laughing after he smoked for the first time. He played a clip from that moment.
Howard said the real hit of the show was when Ronnie got high and laughed like a maniac. He played a clip of that moment. Ronnie took a hit and was coughing pretty hard. He started laughing during that clip.
Howard asked if JD can light that lighter with this other hand. JD said he'll have to see. He tried it and did fine getting it on the first try. Robin said he really didn't even know how to exhale the smoke that first time. Robin said he must have learned.
Howard said the other thing was when he turned to Arnold Schwarzenegger and asked what happens when we die and he laid it right out for them saying nothing happens. He played a clip from that interview.
Howard said he loved when Arnold talked about shitting in a helmet when he was in the military. He played another clip of Arnold talking about that.
Howard took a call from fake Arnold and asked if he was telling the truth about that. Fake Arnold told him that it's his piss, snot and cum helmet. He was doing all of that into the helmet as he was on the phone. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said the L.A. trip was great. He said they had Adam Levine and James Valentine perform a song. He played some of that song.
Howard said the other big musical performance was Green Day. He played some of their performance of ''When September Ends.''
Howard said that trip was fun. He said they're asking him when he wants to go again. He said he thinks they're done. He said maybe in another 20 years. Robin said they know Ronnie doesn't want to do it. Howard said Ronnie is leaving the show.
Howard asked if Ronnie will listen to the show if he leaves. Ronnie said always. He said maybe he'll become a Wack Packer. He said he won't wait on hold to get on the air though. Howard said Ronnie is their new Henry Hill. He said he'll call in whenever he wants to.
Howard said they've been looking into his replacement. He said they're looking for guys around his age who fuck a lot and yell out ''cunt.'' He said he has like 50 guys now. Jason said there are a lot of guys willing to overlook food in the office.
Howard said happy trails to you. He played Ronnie a song parody about Ronnie to the tune of Happy Trails. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said he knows JD is new to this weed thing but he has to keep his mouth shut because he just told the whole country that Shuli flew across the country with that stuff. Howard said he does have to learn that. Jason said they have a weed policy there in California that they don't give a fuck if you walk on the plane with weed. Howard said the whole thing should be legal. Gary said someone sent him something really minor in the mail. He said it was wrapped with fudge to throw the scent off. They also used a different name. He said they were so paranoid about getting caught.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how Gary is on the Peloton with that belly. Howard said he had a buddy over at his house on Friday night. He said he asked about the Peloton and he told him how great it is. He said the guy knows Gary and he asked why he's fat as fuck if he uses it. Howard said Gary is the best advertisement for it. Gary said he could lose some weight. He said he's not in Oprah territory. Howard said he has seen Gary run. He asked if it's impossible for him to lose weight. Gary said he does eat a lot. He told Howard what he ate over the weekend. Howard asked what he eats when he wakes up. Gary said he had scrambled eggs and avocado. He said he'll have some plantain chips during the morning. Howard said last week he was eating caramel corn out of the can with a spoon. Gary said he did.
Howard said the eggs and avocado are a great start to the day. Gary said he did lose a few pounds since December. Howard asked if he had any donuts this morning. Gary said he had one Munchkin. Howard said oh my god.
Howard said he's going to ask the guys what their favorite performances were from 2019. Jason was up first. Jason said they had Maren Morris in last year and she's amazing. He said that she did a five part harmony with the band and it was beautiful. Howard played a clip of what Jason was talking about.
Jason said Def Leppard did a cool A Cappella performance too. Howard played a clip of that moment that Jason was talking about.
Howard said he loves hearing harmonizing. He said they're real singers to be able to do something like that.
Howard asked who is next. JD was up and said he liked Billie Eilish. He said she was great with her brother. He said it was interesting when her parents came in and revealed something to her about how she was conceived. Howard played the clip where her mom revealed that she was conceived in a fertility clinic. Billie didn't know that so it was a surprise to her.
Howard said it had to be weird for her to find out that they did IVF. He said it made the newspapers too. He said he tried to find out how he was conceived but his mother was so uptight. He said he's not sure why.
Howard said he asked Fred's mother if she ever did anal and she had no problem sharing that she had.
Howard brought up Ronnie jerking off to his parents having sex. Ronnie said he didn't stand there watching. He said he went back to his bedroom. Robin said he did say he tried to see them under the door. Howard said if he did that he'd probably vomit. He said Ronnie is so charged up he had to jerk off when he heard his parents having sex. Ronnie said he's thinking about it now.
Gary said that it was an odd reaction. He said he remembers hearing his parents coming home and doing it and getting so freaked out by it. Memet said it's weird to have your parents having sex that loud that the kids can hear it. Howard said Ronnie wasn't supposed to be home. He said he came home and they were doing it. Howard said Ronnie laid on the floor and tried to see under the door.
Howard asked if Ronnie got a boner just from hearing it. Ronnie said he did. Howard said think about that. Ronnie said he just heard people. Howard said that's really weird. Ronnie said he wasn't thinking about it being his parents. He said he thought of them as people in a movie. He didn't think of them as his parents. He said when he jerked off he thought of it like a movie. Howard said it must sound strange to him thinking about jerking off to your parents. Ronnie said it's not weird. He said he's happy with just sticking it in and getting it over with. Howard asked if he would think it's weird if his son was jerking off to him. Ronnie said not if you think of it like a movie. He said he was looking at it in a different way. He said he thought of it like a porno movie. He said he pictured it like 3 people and not his parents.
Howard said thinking about your parents being sexual is whacked out. Ronnie said it's not, it's a fact of life. Howard said he's an unusual guy. Ronnie said he knows he's weird. He said he doesn't find it weird. Jason said that makes it even weirder that he doesn't find it weird.
Howard said Sal jerked off to his aunt taking a shit. Sal said he did. He said he saw his mother's boobs once and it turned him off to boobs for a little bit. He said Ronnie is pretty out there. Howard asked if it was sexy when he heard his mom moaning. Ronnie said he doesn't remember that. He said it was just the fact that something was going on in the house. Jason asked if his mom was attractive. Ronnie said he doesn't think about her that way. He said he wasn't thinking about her when he jerked off. He said it was 3 other people in his head.
Howard said anyone else who would think about this wouldn't do that. Jason said even if he was out of his mind he doesn't have the awareness to look back on it being fucked up. Ronnie said ''boo hoo Jason.''
Memet asked if he's ever brought it up in therapy. Ronnie said never. Howard asked if he ever thought about it again after that. Ronnie said no. Howard said maybe just once or twice. Ronnie said no. He said he has enough stuff to think about.
Howard said this is almost like Ronnie's origin story. He said it's like cumming with his parents when they were having sex. He said it's like that's how a creep was born. He said he doesn't mean it that way. He said we're all creeps.
Ronnie said he doesn't care. He kept saying that he doesn't care during that conversation. Howard asked if he cares or not. Ronnie said he doesn't care. Howard said Ronnie doesn't care. Ronnie said he had a pretty normal life. Robin said there was nothing normal there. Ronnie said if you want to see a fucked up life go watch the Netflix documentary about Aaron Hernandez. He said that he had so much shit going on in his life.
Howard said you can see that childhood incidents can have an affect on you later in life. Ronnie said sure. He said he had more sex from his childhood experiences. Howard said he has had quite the sex life. Ronnie said he still enjoys himself. He said he had anal at 13 and a half, almost 14. Howard said it's weird when you say ''and a half'' for something like that.
Howard asked Sal what his favorite interview of 2019 was. Sal said his interview with Dana Carvey was great. He said he sang some songs as Neil Young and the Church Lady. He said he did the conversations between Paul and John from the Beatles. Howard played a clip of that part of the interview. Howard said that was awesome. He said he went on for a long time with that.
Howard asked Ronnie what his favorite moment was. Ronnie said he liked when Joe Namath was in there and he said he named the voice in his head that made him drink all the time. Howard said that is a good technique. He played a clip of Joe talking about that.
Howard said that was good. He asked what Memet has. Memet said he loves that Alec Baldwin. He said when he comes in they sit down and it's like two guys just hanging out at dinner. He said last year he had a story about going to anger management. Howard played a clip of Alec talking about that.
Howard asked Gary what his favorite interview was. Gary said Hillary Clinton was asked about her first date with Bill Clinton. He said that was a great moment. Howard played a clip from the interview where Hillary told that story.
Howard said he thought that was a real insight into her life. He said all guys who become president have a way of connecting to people.
Howard said they had some great guests in 2019. He said he thanks them all. He said they were all fascinating. Howard said to close out the year in review he's got a list of things he hates. Howard said they compiled a list and he hears this and he thinks about how fucked up he is. Howard played montage of the things he said he hates in 2019. There were a lot of things on that list.
Howard said there was a lot of anger in 2019. Gary said he can't wait until next year and they start off with Howard talking about hating puzzles.
Howard asked what JD has. JD said he has a random list of his favorite things. He said it's not even for just 2019. JD said one clip is this guy who said Halloween candy isn't safe because witches may have put a spell on it. Howard played that clip. Howard said that was from the Christian Broadcasting Network. He said shame on them for putting that guy on. He said religion is kind of boring so they need guys who are whacked out like that on their show.
Howard said when he was a kid you worried about razor blades. He said now you have to worry about hexes. Howard said that's a good gig. He said just go into religion and people will follow any dumb thing you say with confidence. Jason said he's so right. Howard said you don't even need to read the bible. He said just make something up and say it was in the bible. He said then you can collect tons of money tax free. Howard said he's pretty sure that he could have made a living doing that kind of thing. He said he can make shit up all day long.
Howard said if you're religious and you say you spoke to Jesus and he warned you about dog men in the woods then people won't look at you like you're nuts.
Howard asked JD what else he has. JD said MTV had a show called True Life and they had this story about Feederism where women do that as a fetish. JD said that the fetish is watching someone eat or feeding someone constantly. He said this one girl recorded herself farting. Howard played a clip from that show. He asked how weird guys are for jerking off to stuff like that. Howard said he liked the music behind that woman farting. Robin asked if that was really MTV. Howard said it was. Jason said that woman said she's making $1500 a month doing those farting videos.
Howard asked JD what else he has. JD said people call 911 for ridiculous reasons. He said this woman called 911 because she got the wrong pizza. Howard said he loves when someone does that. He said they're so stupid they don't know what 911 is for. Howard played the clip and the woman was asking them to help her out getting the right order. She was told that's not what 911 is for but the woman kept complaining and asking them to call them for her to get her money back.
Howard said that woman is such an idiot. He said they should throw her in jail. Jason said that poor operator may not be able to hang up legally. Howard said he loves when people like that get arrested for using 911 improperly.
Howard said JD got some good clips there. He said he might ask for another. JD said he has 2 more and they're both about Oprah. He said she was on talking about ''Hateration'' and she kept using it over and over. Howard said this is going to set him off. He played the clip where Oprah used that term over and over.
Howard said Oprah is so smart she's creating her own language. Howard said he's trying to get people to use ''Hey now'' and it's not even his own. He said you must have to keep saying something to get people to use it.
JD said Oprah has a person at her house who folds the toilet paper to make it look like it does in a hotel room. Howard said JD got him. He said he has to say something about this. Ronnie said Howard's head is going to explode. Howard said when he sees that toilet paper folded that means that someone is touching his toilet paper and he's expected to put that in his asshole. Howard asked why you'd want your toilet paper to be touched by another person. Robin wondered if it's after every time Oprah goes to the bathroom. Howard said it might just be every day.
Howard said he has to hear this. He said it's going to drive him nuts. He played the clip of Oprah revealing that she has someone at her house to check the roll. Sal said it's probably Stedman. Howard said what a revealing story. He said she has someone to check her toilet paper roll. He said he bets that she pees like a race horse. Sal asked who makes more, the woman who folds the paper or Snoop's joint roller. Howard said he's not sure.
Howard said that's some good stuff from JD. He said they're going to say goodbye to 2019 and hello to 2020. He said next year they'll be looking at this year unless he heads off into the sunset with Ronnie. Howard said this is the last time Ronnie will be there for the year in review. Ronnie said it's sad. Robin said this is the year of saying goodbye for Ronnie. Howard said that's right. He said Ronnie Puppet will stay with the show. Ronnie puppet said that's right. He said you won't be able to get him to leave. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said they have two song parodies about Robin smelling her vagina. He said one was called Robin Sniff Your Vagina and one is Robin Smells Her Own Cunt. Robin liked the title of the first one so Howard played that for her. Howard said that was nice. He said that opened up a lot of conversation so thanks for that. Robin said maybe they can play the other song tomorrow.
Howard asked what's in the news. Robin said they have a lot of things changing. She said that they think things are set in stone. She said that's not the case at all. Robin said the normal temperature for a human used to be 98.6 and now they're saying that it's dropped. Robin said they think this is evolution. She said that the new normal average is 97.5. Howard said Fred's temperature is only 70. He said he's been ahead of us all this time.
Howard went into his impression of his mom talking about why she took his temperature anally. Robin said they say that your temperature isn't even that important. Howard said his mother thought his was. Robin said if you feel sick then you're sick and if you don't, it doesn't matter what your temperature is.
Howard took a call from fake Caitlyn Jenner who said she's going to smell her own vagina because Robin inspired her to do it. Howard said they finally got a great caller today. Howard asked Caitlyn to do her thing. Caitlyn said it smells like an inverted penis but she loves it. Howard thanked her for sharing that with them.
Robin asked if Howard was miserable at 47. Howard said he has been miserable his whole life. He said at 47 he thinks he was doing okay. Robin asked if Howard had a mid-life crisis. Howard said some would say he did. Robin asked if he remembers what age that was. Howard said he'll go with 47. Robin said a study was done and they found that the age of 47 is the peak of life's misery. Howard said life can be very difficult as we all know. He said he's not sure there was a specific age for him. Robin said Howard has been miserable for a really long time. Howard said he's remembering now that he was alone in an elevator with Fred when he realized he was miserable. He did a live commercial read after that. Howard said he turned 47 in 2001 so that was a bad year.
Robin said Howard has thought about freezing his body for the future. Howard said he just wants his head not to be stuck on a tuna can like Ted Williams. Robin said a cryogenic firm is being asked to return the head of a biochemist to the family of the man. Robin said the man asked to have his head and body frozen until it could be brought back to life. Robin said it turns out they destroyed the body and only kept his head. The family is looking to be paid damages for that. Robin said if they do bring you back you won't be useful. She said you won't understand anything that's going on.
Robin read a story about today being Martin Luther King day and Amtrak had to apologize to a woman, known for her civil rights work, for being asked to give up her seat on a train. Robin said the woman was told that her seat was being given to someone even though there were no assigned seats on that train.
Robin read a story about the Houston Astros cheating scandal and how a congress person is saying there should be an investigation into that.
Robin read a story about Pete Davidson not being seen in a while. Howard said he did say he was going into rehab. Robin said at the time he was dating Kaia Gerber who is Cindy Crawford's daughter. Robin said they have broken up. She said the relationships with Pete don't last long. Howard said he has some ridiculous notches under his belt. He said he has Ariana Grande, Kate Beckinsale and now Kaia Gerber. He said that's some list. He said they should do a study on his penis. Robin asked if this is part of the problem or the solution. Howard said Leonardo DiCaprio is a loser compared to Pete. Robin said she doesn't know if Pete is going in the right direction for all of his issues to come together with a good resolution.
Howard took a call from Gonzo who said he was calling in to defend High Pitch Erik. He said his driving is actually pretty good. He said he came to California a while back and he did fine. He said he was practicing in New York and he was doing fine too. He said he's not as bad as they're making him out to be. Howard said that's good to hear because he's been avoiding driving since Erik got his license.
Robin read a story about Disney acquiring 20th Century FOX Studios and they're now dropping the FOX part of that name. Robin said they call it 21st Century now. Howard said he'd drop Century too and just be 21st. Robin said they're going to call it 20th Century Studios. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle and how they had a meeting over with the Queen and they're going to stop taking tax payer money and they will pay back the money they used for renovating the place where they were living when they got married. Robin said this whole thing goes into effect in the spring. Robin said they will still be getting money from the royal family. Robin said they have things called Duchies and they have properties that the family owns and they will get money from that. Robin said Prince Charles probably gave Harry 2.3 million last year. She said they will still get some money. They think Harry is worth around $40 million and Meghan had about $5 million when they got married. Howard said they could do Cameo videos. He said if High Pitch Erik is getting $100 then they should be able to get $200. Robin had some audio of Prince Harry talking about that situation. Howard said he has a deeper voice than he expected. Robin said he still has issues with grammar. Howard said she's right. He said she shouldn't open his mouth. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the NY Times deciding that prior to the Iowa Caucuses they're going to endorse someone for the Democratic nomination for president. Howard said the Sunday NY Times is something. He said he just read about Leslie Jones and it was a good article. He said he didn't know much about her but she seems very bright. He said she left Saturday Night Live and she says she has a lot more to do. Howard said the Times has so much in there. Robin said they revealed their endorsement. She said they're endorsing two people. She said they think that it's Elizabeth Warren or Amy Klobuchar. Howard said you have to endorse just one. Robin said they say they'll be happy with either one. Howard said it would be great if they were all in one. He said they could have Elizabeth Klobuchar.
Robin said she's dying to go to the bathroom. Howard said go ahead. He said he'll do a commercial while she's gone. Howard let her go and did a live commercial read.
Howard wondered if Robin had to go pee or did she just go to smell her own vagina. Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she has a topic for him. Howard said Fred ran out to smell his own balls. Mariann asked if he watched 60 Minutes last night. Howard said he didn't. He said he was busy with 90 Day Fiance. Mariann said it was all about animals and he should watch. She asked if Howard saw Jennifer Aniston in that dress. Howard said he did. He said she looks tremendous. He said she has a great body. Mariann said he should keep her on while Robin is gone. Robin was back so Howard let her go.
Howard asked if Robin got it all out. Robin said she did. Howard said he was peeing all last night. He said he was up at 3 and wasn't able to go back to sleep.
Howard took a call from Pocket who said that Oprah can be summed up in a few words. He said ''Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.'' Howard thanked him for sharing that.
Robin got back to her news and read about the latest debate and what went on with Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren. She had some audio of Bernie and Elizabeth talking to each other after the debate. Warren was upset with Bernie for calling her a liar on TV. Robin said that they usually just shake hands. Howard said he'd love to see a cage match between those two.
Robin read a story about John Oliver being on Stephen Colbert's show in 2018 and predicted what might happen. Robin said he was trying to warn Meghan what she was getting into back then. Robin had a clip of John talking about how she might be marrying into a family that could cause some emotional complications.
Howard said he's right. He said it's hard to respect that. Robin said she was a normal person and she was getting into that odd life. Robin said she sees this maybe not lasting that long. Howard said he thinks they'll stay together.
Robin read a story about Jeopardy and the people who play being the smartest people. She said this is a question that was put to the contestants a little while ago. Robin said this is a visual clue and they put up a picture of Adam Schiff. Robin said this is what happened. Howard played a clip of the contestants not recognizing him. Robin said they had no idea who this was. She said even the smartest people aren't paying attention to what's going on in Washington. Howard said that's really hard Jeopardy. He said you have to come up with that so fast. Robin said no one buzzed in. Howard said Robin is pretty good at it.
Robin read a story about the General Accounting Office has decided that the president has committed a crime by holding back aide from Ukraine during that incident.
Howard took a call from fake Meghan Markle who was at a coffee shop and her credit card was declined. Howard spent a minute with her.
Robin read a story about the World Economic forum where both Greta Thunberg and president Trump will be attending.
Robin read a story about a Utah boy who said he was happy to meet Trump at the White House last week. Robin had some audio of the kid talking about that.
Robin read a story about SpaceX finally achieving its last hurdle to prove that they can launch an escape pod upon takeoff with their rocket. Robin said this is Elon Musk's SpaceX. Robin had some audio of Elon Musk talking about the test.
Robin read a story about a gun rally in Virginia and how the governor has set a state of emergency down there because they had threats of violence about the gun regulations that have been set down there. Robin said they're banning weapons from the state capital until tomorrow.
Robin read about the Super Bowl which is now set with the Chiefs and 49ers. Robin had some audio of one of the Chiefs making a statement after their game over the weekend. Howard said he has never yelled like that in his life. Fred played some Ronnie clips where he was yelling. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how good his breakfast was. He said he wishes he could have another one. He said he diets all the time and hits a weight beyond his goal and he starts eating more. He said even when he hits his goal weight he rushes to eat. He said then it'll go up and he'll bum out. He asked what Robin is eating. Robin said she had one nut. Howard asked what they are. Robin said they're regular old nuts. Howard asked if she needs a tooth pick to get them out of her teeth. Robin said she'll be okay. Howard said he's distracted by her eating. He said then she gets annoyed when she sees him watching. Robin said it's not his best looks.
Howard said when he watches My 600 Pound Life he thinks about how much alike they are. Howard said he likes eating and not having people judge him while he does. He said he doesn't want to be viewed while he's eating. Robin said there is a guy who could be on that show. Howard said his name is Jabba the Hutt. Robin said he was a 500 pound guy over in Iraq. She said he's a real big mess. She said you think of terrorists being slim. She said he defies that. Howard said they're usually making sacrifices. He said they talk about minimalist lifestyles but not this guy. He said they have all kinds of religious rules. He said they preach against the U.S. but this guy looks like he could be an American.
Howard said this guy was an ISIS leader. Robin said they called him Jabba the Jihadi. She said now that they know they can be that heavy they can have a show about their 600 Pound Jihadi Life.
Howard said this was over in Iran. Robin said it was Iraq. Howard said that guy needs Dr. Now. He said he was from Iran but he came to this country to do the stomach stapling.
Howard said that guy looks like a Jihadi but he's on a jihad against salad. He asked how he's going to fuck 72 virgins. He said he had to buy a vest at the big and tall terrorist store. Howard had a bunch of fat terrorist jokes about the guy. Howard said he bought his prayer rug at Layne Bryant.
Howard said they took all of his books and weighed High Pitch Erik and he weighed 103 copies. He said they could weigh this guy in Koran.
Robin asked who is bringing that guy food. Howard said he must have an enabler. He said one report said he was 300 pounds. Robin said he was actually 560. Howard said this guy is like 3 times the size of Erik. He said he's High Pitch Jihadi.
Howard said there's a guy suing PornHub because they don't have subtitles. He said the guy says they're in violation of the disability act. Howard said that's weird too because the movie that upset him was a video of a hot step aunt and her step son. Howard said he kind of gets what this guy needs. He said he wants a story to go along with his porn. He said this guy is suing on behalf of deaf people but they say they have a closed captioning section on PornHub. Robin said it must not be enough for this guy.
Howard said he'd like to know how they transcribe that stuff. He wondered if people do it or does it get done by computer. Fred played a bunch of porn clips while they were talking about that.
Howard said he remembers when people were ashamed of porn. He said he liked going on radio and talking about his masturbation but now people talk about their right to masturbate to porn. He said he liked it better when people were ashamed of it. He said there is porn for the blind. He said this is a Fuckfest Blind College Fuckfest clip where they describe what's happening. Howard played that for Robin. Robin said this is horrible. Howard said it is. He kept playing it though. The guy describing the content was laughing as he described it.
Howard said this guy doesn't have the best voice for this. He said he needs him to be serious. the guy said he might have to watch this a couple of times because it's so fast moving. Robin asked if this is really what blind people get. Howard said he could orchestrate some scenes with Robin. He started talking about her taking off some clothes. He was playing her step brother. Howard said he loves his step sister and loves having her there. He said they get to spend time together. He said she's becoming his best friend. He asked if she wants to do some Ayahuasca. Robin asked what kind of porn that is. Howard said some woman said she was sexually assaulted at an Ayahuasca retreat. He said this woman said she was getting special attention from the guy. Howard said Robin got her's from a guy named The Master. Robin said he was a shamen too. She said he wasn't called The Master.
Howard said Bill Maher hit it on the head this week. He said he was praising Prince Harry and Meghan for leaving the Monarchy. He said he's right about that. He said it's just some dude and no one special. Robin said they say that the Pope is a rock star but it's really his title that's the rock star.
Howard played another porn clip for the blind where the guy was describing the porn. He got into some detail and described that one guy had a lazy eye. Howard said he has zoned out. He said he wasn't able to follow who was grabbing whose cock. Howard said his idea would be to have people act out the scene while describing it.
Howard did a description of what was going on in a porn and described one ball sack sinking lower than the other. He had a guy pulling a pube out of his mouth and getting his left and right wrong. He had Robin laughing.
Howard played more of the clip and then made up his own description. He was going into a lot of detail about the shit stain on the bed and things like that.
Howard said getting back to the Ayahuasca story his woman got the Ayahuasca and the guy took advantage of her. He said no wonder because you're out of it. Robin said you're really not that out of it on that stuff. Howard acted out a scene with Robin talking about the Ayahuasca thing. Howard asked Robin to take off her bra and panties because he's a shamen and that's part of the ritual. Robin played along and said she's never done this before. She slid off her bra straps for shamen Howard. Howard said the room smells extra fresh and she must rub her vagina to check her smell. He asked her to call him Master. Robin said she has a problem with that. Howard said a lot of his black people who come to see him won't do that.
Howard said he didn't know she shaved. He told Robin that his marriage has been loveless for some time now. He said she can open up to him. He took his pants off and said he hopes her purpose is in his robe. Robin took her Ayahuasca and made a glug, glug sound while she did that. Howard had his robe fall off so it was open and his boner was out. Howard said that's just a natural reaction to the Ayahuasca. He said don't mind that he's 9 and a half inches long and thicker than a beer can.
Robin said she's going to lay down. Howard had her open her robe. He asked if she's feeling healed yet. Robin said she's feeling drowsy. Howard said this is a good time to put his penis in her mouth. Robin let out a yell. Howard said this is something they could do. He said they should go into the studio later.
Howard got back to the story and said this is way out of control. He said she was very good. Robin said she may get an AVN award from that. Howard said he didn't even get to the point where he had to breast feed from her. Howard said this woman says that the shamen coerced her into sexual acts while she was under the influence of the drug. He said they say that this is common in the Ayahuasca world. Robin said people are getting that on the corner these days. Howard said this woman could have been roofied. Gary said she was in Peru just like Robin. Robin said Peru is a very big place. Howard asked what Robin was wearing down there. Robin said a shirt and pants.
Howard asked what happened to the guy who rubbed candy and rocks on her chest. Robin said Howard saw it all. She said he was just placing rocks on her. She said he was doing it like it was a massage. She said he rubbed herbs over her too. Howard asked how soon after that did she do the Ayahuasca. Robin said she did it after. She said she didn't get why she was so tired and they did the rock thing.
Robin said she thought she had to find a purpose for herself. She said this is what people do this to get enlightened so she was exploring that. She said they were very sweet people. Howard said they were ripping her off. Robin said it wasn't that expensive.
Howard said he has to call Robin to find out what she's up to. Howard said Fred has a clip of Robin referring to the shamen as Master. Howard had him play that for her to remind her. In the clip Robin did mention that they have a Master there. Robin said she didn't call him Master. She said she was just saying that to Howard. Howard said she's so high she doesn't even know what she's up to.
Howard said he bets the shamen was hitting on her and she didn't pick up on it. Robin said sure. Howard read more about this woman and what she went through. Howard said Robin was shitting and puking on herself.
Robin said if this woman was feeling uncomfortable about going into a room where she was the only woman she should have said something. Howard said he's trying to warn Robin. Robin said she's not going anywhere. Howard asked if she had the rocks rubbed on her titties. Robin said no.
Howard had Robin's shamen on the phone. The guy was jerking off talking about Robin. Howard bailed on the call pretty quick and went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he loves this song. He said this is Godsmack. He said it's a great version of the Led Zeppelin song. He said he really should have practiced guitar instead of getting religious lessons. He said if he could do his life over again he would have been a rower and he'd be super ripped. He said he wouldn't go to religious training. He said he had to study a language that was all made up about a made up story about a guy in the sky. He said he could have been playing guitar that whole time. He said he'd be an artist/painter too. He said he'd do radio too. He said instead of all of that he sat around doing drugs in his parent's house.
Howard said he has to talk to this guy Riley who called in yesterday. He said he went on that Oprah tour. He said it was $218 for a ticket. He said Robin will be on his team when she hears this.
Howard had Riley on the phone and asked him about what happened. Riley said he didn't have to pay but one of his mom's friends backed out so he got a ticket. Howard said
Howard said this event went from 9am to 3pm with a lunch break. Robin asked if people left and didn't come back. Riley said there were 18,000 people there and there were boxed lunches there. He said they were handing them out while people were just milling around. He said Oprah is talking about Wellness and people are there eating hot dogs and soda and drinking. He said they were like ''What the hell...''
Howard said Riley went to the event and the whole thing was about wellness. He said Oprah doesn't really look well. He said that if you're that together why are you overweight? He said it indicates an emotional problem. He said the concession stands were all hot dogs and popcorn and stuff. He said the boxed lunches were from Panera and they had to wait 40 minutes to get it.
Riley said he was waiting in line wondering what Oprah is doing. Howard said she comes out and sits in the audience when she's not on stage. He said they want you to know that she's there so they shine a light on her in the audience. Riley said they have to put a huge light on her. He said if she moved they'd follow her.
Howard said Oprah has no show so they don't know what to do with her. He said you just watch her watching the other people up there on stage.
Howard said Riley said that Julianne Hough had an exercise routine to do but the people weren't able to move around that much in the audience. Howard said Oprah figured out how to do this show but they have no room to exercise. He said this whole thing doesn't make sense. He said if he did stand up people would go see him but he doesn't have an act. He said he doesn't do stand up. He said this is what this show is like. He said it would be like him getting Shuli to do the stand up while he sits in the audience and watches.
Howard asked Riley what he did when she was exercising. Riley said she was in the stands with the light on her. He said he wasn't able to see what she was doing. He said she had a meditation guy come out and he asked them all to be quiet. He said you hear people clearing their throats in this place because everyone is sick. He said you can't meditate.
Howard asked who was interviewed in this show. Riley said it was Tina Fey and that part was actually really good. He said then Oprah was showing everyone pictures of her mansion and telling them about how many trees she has on her property. Howard wondered what the point of that is. Howard asked what the point of a tree counter is. Riley said she wanted to know how many she had on her property. Howard said that's a weird question. He said they need her to come in there. He said most people don't even have a tree. He said there's no reason to tell people about that.
Howard said there are a ton of people who are broke in this country and telling them about your tree counter is strange. Riley said she was also talking about flying on her private plane. He said she told them that she goes through her gate and sees her trees and she feels blessed.
Howard asked why she's telling people this stuff. He asked who the preacher was that bragged about what his congregation paid for. Robin said she's trying to think of who that was. Howard said it's kind of like that. He said it's an act. Riley said it did seem like the church of Oprah. Howard said he knew Robin would get worked up like him. Robin said this is why she doesn't watch. She said Oprah doesn't deserve her work up. Robin said she refuses to let her get under her skin.
Howard asked what happened next. Riley said that Julianne Hough came out again and tried to get them to move around. He said he had just eaten lunch so he didn't want to. He said they had this work book part too. He said they gave out bags of stuff to the people there. He said that it was nothing special. He said they had WW snacks for everyone. Howard said that's Weight Watchers. Riley said everyone just wanted to take selfies with her out in the audience. He said she got annoyed. Riley asked what she expects.
Howard said they get fed lunch and that's all disorganized. Howard said you're basically paying to sit in the audience with Oprah.
Riley said they were having people rate yourself on where you can be better. He said Oprah was out there rubbing it in their faces about how rich she is.
Howard said Oprah is out in the audience checking everyone's work and then getting annoyed by people taking selfies. Riley said they asked what your goals for life are and his mom had a great answer about how she had already done everything in her life so she was done.
Howard said he went out to dinner the other night and someone asked what his goals for 2020 were. Howard said they don't have any goals. He said he just wants to fuck Beth. He said that's his goal.
Howard said Oprah is like a kid who plays in a playroom and pretends to be a teacher. Robin said she's pretending to be everything. Howard said most of her shit is about weight and she has a weight issue. He said she's the last person he'd take advice from. He said he'd want her to take out her notebook and show what her goals are. He said it's obviously not working.
Howard asked Riley where she is while they're eating. Riley said she was probably hiding and eating who know what. Riley said it was one area where they had 18,000 people to get lunches. He said it wasn't divided up. Howard said they must feel like cattle.
Howard read more of Riley's notes about what people were doing there and how Oprah got annoyed when people were trying to take selfies with her. Riley said he's obsessed with Oprah's Instagram and he likes to promote it. He said he had to see what was going on at this thing. Robin said she'd like to know when the people feel stupid and ripped off for being there. Howard said they're like the people who go to the church shows in tents. He said they don't think they're being ripped off either.
Howard thanked Riley for calling in with that. He asked if the bathrooms were full. Riley said there weren't a lot of men there so he was able to go right in. He said it got chaotic at one point though. He said the thing lasted until 3 so he almost had a panic attack being there so long.
Howard asked if the work book was nice. Riley said it's just a pamphlet you get. He said the bag they handed out was like a $5 run to Walgreens. He said it was nothing special. Howard let Riley go after that. He said that poor guy wasted a day of his life there.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she went to one of these shows and it wasn't so bad. She said it was about the wellness thing and Oprah was good at that. Howard said Tony Robbins can get you going that way if you want to do that. He said you know wellness and you don't need this. The caller said it was a mental health thing and it was her being real. She said Amy Schumer was at the one she went to. Howard asked what she learned from Oprah. The caller said it was just a feel good thing. She said she does talk about her money and she doesn't want to hear that. She said she didn't talk about that the whole time. She said the show wasn't horrible.
Howard asked what the point of her talking about her house is. The caller said it was about how she came from nothing. Howard said he thinks it just makes you feel bad and jealous. The caller said it wasn't bad.
Robin asked what the woman got from that show. The caller said it was a good day. She said it was about the experience. Howard said he would rather go see Amy Schumer without Oprah on the stage. The caller said it wasn't all on Oprah. She said she didn't care when she was sitting in the audience.
Howard said why not just put the interview on Apple since she has a deal there. The caller said she thinks Oprah wants to be like Maya Angelou. She said that she did this and she thinks these comments are funny. Howard thanked her for the call. He said she's talking a lot and he has to go.
Howard said the person who will have a good year is the guy who counts trees for Oprah. Robin said she's going around making money too. Howard said he knew this would make Robin nuts. Robin said she's not going to get into the cult of Oprah and follow this stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that if this was 18,000 people paying $218 then this is over $3 million that they brought in. Howard said he's sure that the guests do it as a favor and she must be pocketing $2 million. The caller said maybe she had to pay for the lunches. Howard said he's sure she had a deal for that too. He said she worked deals for all of that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this road show sounds like an Amway meeting. He said you get them up on stage and you tell them to buy stuff and you can live like her. Howard said maybe that's why she's doing it. He said if you listen to her then you can be wealthy like her. Robin said she was waiting for that woman to tell them that she was doing something for the audience.
Howard said this is like getting called into an Amway meeting. He said that he got called into one of those once. He said he had a guy tell him about this meeting where they were going to reveal this plan. He said he never went to the meeting but he knows people who did. He said it was a way to get you to sell things. Robin said you have to build up a team to get that going.
The caller said he ended up doing that too. He said he was out a grand when he did. Howard said Oprah can make you think you're going to be as successful as her if she shows you her stuff.
Gary came in and said they have a picture of what they think is the gift bag. He said it's a coupe of things like bags of chips, deodorant and things like that. Howard said it's Weight Watchers stuff that they're giving out. Howard said they get that for free too because she owns the company. Gary said there are books too.
Howard said he can do something like this. He said he could get Julianne Hough to show up. Gary said he could get Adam Levine. Howard said he might have to pay him to do that. He said maybe not. He said he could get Adam out there and just not sing.
Howard said he can get Jenn Sherman to ride a bicycle in front of them. He said she can motivate everyone. Howard said he can be in his workout outfit too. He said he could get Lenny Dykstra to show up too.
Howard wondered if they pay Amy Schumer to show up. Robin said no. She said that Jimmy didn't get paid to interview Michelle Obama on her tour. Howard said that's right. He said what a racket that is.
Howard said what a nightmare life is. He let the caller go. He said life is strange. Robin said she knows The Plan because they were at NBC and an old friend had reached out to her and he told her to come visit. She said he showed her The Plan once she got there. She said he told her that she needed something to fall back on if the radio thing didn't work out. Robin said that he said they could still be friends if she doesn't buy anything. Robin said she drove hours to hear that garbage.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this Oprah thing has to be a shtick on his part. He said that Oprah doesn't look that bad. Howard said he didn't say she looks that bad but she is overweight. He said she's promoting Weight Watchers. He said if someone teaches him about weight loss they have to be in a normal range of weight. He said it's like if he asked you to send your kid to him to learn math. He said he has a third grade level of math and he's not going to be able to teach. He said it's like Fred teaching people to be a human being.
The caller said that not all coaches were great players. Howard said come on. The caller kept saying the word ''shtick'' as ''stick.''
Howard said he went out and bought a Peloton for himself. He said he's working for this company and he does ads for things. He said if he's going to give advice and tell you how to lose weight he had better know how to do it. He said he keeps to himself about the money he makes and he's not rubbing it in your face at a show that he's charging $218 for.
Howard said he's not picking on Oprah. Robin said he is. Howard said okay but he does the same thing about people who do tent shows for religion. Howard said this guy is missing the point. He said he didn't say she doesn't look fine. He said she shouldn't be telling people how to lose weight.
Howard said it's no different when Oprah is selling something and Alex Jones is selling something. He said why the fuck not. He said there's no difference between those two in his mind. He said they're both selling some bullshit. Robin said Oprah is going to be on some show to announce the next book club book. Howard said he does like that Oprah is getting people to read. Robin asked what they're reading though. She said the books are so depressing. Howard said he was trying to be positive over there. He said he's not opposed to that.
Robin said she went to one of the movies that was based on one of those books and she wanted to slit her wrists because it was so bad.
Howard said he has to stop talking about this for a while. He said he gets a lot of notes about how he spends too much time on it. He said they have a lot more to get to after he takes a break. He said a lot of people wrote in about Richard and his crying over the Chiefs. Robin said if they win he's going to go over the top. Howard said he has a lot of fan feedback about that.
Howard read some email they got about his obsession with Oprah. He had a bunch of those emails that he read through. Howard said he's fascinated by all of that so what is he supposed to do?
Robin said it's the same thing as these long movies now. She said they want to give you your money's worth. Howard said he watched The Irishman over 3 days because it was so long. He said he can't sit in a theater that long. Robin said she remembers the churches bussing people to these movies and they had a 20 minute intermission because they were so long. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard said he has the lyrics in front of him and even he doesn't know what he's saying. Robin said they have so many channels on TV and radio and there's so much on. She said she ran into a show last night where Ron Wood was talking to Paul McCartney and they played music that influenced them. Robin said they played the record, not playing it themselves. Howard said that sounds cool. He said he'd do a show with those guys talking about that stuff. Howard said there on SiriusXM he listens to the Tom Morello show and he plays stuff that influenced him. He said it's a really good show. Robin said she loves that show too. She said she thinks Paul McCartney was wondering what he was doing on that show since they were playing music. Howard said that show is on AXS.
Howard said he was listening to Sirius the other day... Fred played some of Robin talking about taking her bra off from earlier in the show. Howard said she has to calm down over there.
Howard said they have so many channels for music there on Sirius. He said he tried to listen to a bunch of the stations and he got through about 5 and he forgot about the others. Robin said Howard goes to Lithium. Howard said he loves that channel. Robin said she listens to Classic Vinyl and 90s channels so she's all over that.
Howard said he tries to listen to Deep Tracks. He said it was too deep for him. He said he has to hear something he recognizes. He said that he goes right back to Lithium. He said he was going to listen to Little Steven's garage but he was afraid to do that. He said he may not come out.
Robin said she was watching Ray Donovan. She said he always has a shovel in the car like Fred used to. Robin said Fred always had one. She said she hopes he's not using it for the same thing. Howard said it's well documented that Fred is odd. Fred said he has explained that before. He said the plows would plow the snow up to the doors of his car and he had to use the shovel to get it out. Howard said he had it in the summer too. Fred said he was too lazy to take it out. Howard said they bought into the winter explanation but the three other seasons he wasn't able to explain. Fred said it can also ward off angry people in traffic.
Howard said this week's episode was really good. He said they have a lot of good looking women on the show this season. Howard told Robin about some of the stuff that's been going on.
Howard said Richard was crying on the air again over that Patrick Mahomes guy again. He said Ralph told him they have to retake the IQ test. He said he can't believe that Richard has a higher IQ than him. Robin said she was talking about how he didn't get to see the Chiefs in the Super Bowl in 1970. She said a lot of things happened before he was born that he didn't get to see.
Howard read some feedback about Richard crying about the Chiefs yesterday. He had some from people who were upset with him for making fun of Richard. Howard said it's just silly. He said it's like people bowing to the queen. He said Richard was telling Mahomes on The Wrap Up Show that they were going to get a super bowl. He said this Mahomes guy is like 24 and Richard is like an old man to him.
Howard said one guy did agree with him about Richard crying over the win. Howard had one about how alcoholism can affect people crying and their emotions. Howard said that Richard is so odd. He said this is Richard watching the Chiefs. He said he's cheering for them in this clip. He said it was either Richard or his wife who recorded this. He said that Richard went to his favorite bar to watch the game and this is Richard going crazy with the other fans there. Howard said he drove an hour from his house to his favorite bar in Queens.
Howard said Richard was cheering for everything in the game. He even cheered for a challenge flag when it was thrown. Howard said he's never heard someone cheer for that.
Howard said he would never want to sit with someone like that. He said it's just odd. He said he's going crazier than the coach is. Robin said she can understand the players going crazy but this is Richard sitting at home. Howard said Richard told him he won't fly to Kansas and sit outdoors to watch the game. He said he is thinking about flying back to attend the parade if they win. Howard said it's all just so odd to him. Robin said even parades are odd. Howard said finally he has someone he can talk to.
Howard played a clip of Richard getting angry with things going on in the game. Howard said he wants no rules. Howard said this is like an emotional roller coaster with this guy.
Howard said then of course the Chiefs won. He said this is Richard cheering for different players during the game. Howard played the montage they put together.
Howard said it's like Richard wants everyone to look at him. Gary said this is a barbecue restaurant and some people had no idea they were in for all of this. Howard said he would throw Richard out if he was the owner. Gary said the owner wants it to be a Chief's bar.
Howard said he has a blind guy on the phone who says he doesn't need someone describing porn to him. Howard took the call from Blind Gordy who said he doesn't want his porn descried. He said he can get off from the sound of the video. Howard said he wants a scenario played out but with audio. Gordy said that's right. He said you can tell what the ladies are getting into. He said he lost his sight 25 years ago and he can imagine pretty well.
Howard played a clip for him where they had a woman describing what was going on in the video. Howard said it would be hotter if the guy was describing the woman's ass. He had Robin go along with him and play out a scene for Gordy. Gordy sounded like he was getting into it.
Gordy said he appreciates him talking about this. Howard was playing a porn clip over him. He let that clip play for a short time. Gordy said it sounds like a National Geographic person announcing it. Howard said he feels like he's watching two giraffes mating. He said he's thinking of buying a porn for the blind company and he and Robin will be the two main performers.
Howard said if Gordy has a scenario they can do something for him. Gordy said he'd like a photographer to want to take pictures of Robin's body. Howard and Robin went right into a scene together making it up as they went along. Howard was the photographer asking Robin to get on the couch so he can photograph her. They were very descriptive for Gordy. They had Robin playing an 18 year old who had just turned 18 two weeks ago. Howard asked what her best feature is. Robin said it's her full natural breasts. Howard said he wanted to start his photo session now. He had her slip into a bra and panties outfit. He said he has some ''linger-ee'' for her too.
Howard and Robin were getting into a lot of detail for Gordy. Gordy said he likes vulnerability. Howard said he just came. He said he hopes he's not doing this for nothing. Gordy said he kind of took him out of it when he talked to him. Howard got back into it with Robin. He asked if she wanted to sniff herself down there. Robin said she was a virgin. Howard said he thought she had a boyfriend. Robin said she did make out a little bit. Howard said he may need to shave Robin down there. Howard said he thinks he's had enough of this. He said he hopes Gordy came from that. Gordy said he can't see but he may have.
Fred had an electric razor sound going so Howard got back into it and went into shaving Robin. Robin farted in his face and she said she had dairy and she's lactose intolerant. Howard said it smells like broccoli and cheese. Robin said that's what she had for dinner.
Howard let Blind Gordy go after that. He played another descriptive porn clip from PornHub. They had a guy describing the scene. Howard said it's very academic. Robin said that was terrible. She said she can't even visualize what is going on in the scene. Howard said the porn they did was pretty good. He said that might be a good business to get into.
Howard took a call from a guy who said yesterday he felt bad for Richard. He said he usually agrees with Howard all the time. He said they gave Richard such a hard time. He said he just heard what they played of him at the bar and it was so annoying. He said he's surprised that no one knocked him out. He said he gets it now. Howard said it's ''Look at me'' when you do that. He said he loves that we have our own TVs in our homes and we can watch things without anyone interrupting us. He said you can pause the game and all of that. He said it makes no sense.
The caller said he would get up and leave if Richard was in the bar with him. Howard said Richard also refers to the team as ''we'' like he's a part of it. He said all he did was sit and watch the game. He said Richard had nothing to do with their win.
Robin said she was reading a book that had a story about how Nancy Pelosi's daughter was able to hand Donald Trump a bottle of water and no one stopped her. She was shocked that they let people get to him that easily.
Howard read more about Ronnie not taking his job seriously. Howard said he knows Ronnie took the police exam and he wants to be a cop. He said you know he wants to do that and this could be like being an investigator. He said that he knows a guy in the FBI who would be on top of that kind of thing. He said Ronnie didn't know who brought in the donuts and he didn't care. Howard said he didn't get a satisfactory answer on that yesterday. He said he's not sure what to say. Robin said he just asked one guy and he stopped his investigation.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Howard is the love of Robin's life. Howard said yes. He said she really is in love with him. Howard said he thinks she was hoping he'd make his move on her after his divorce. Robin said of course. Howard said she has to be curious about what that would be like to be in bed together. Howard said she should be honest and tell everyone how she feels. Robin said that is not true. She said it really isn't.
Howard said he's surprised that Robin won't even consider him. Robin said everyone around there is off limits. Fred was playing some Robin drops and Howard asked how many he has over there. Fred started playing drops from the screen that he had. They were endless. Howard said Fred has the most fun job. Fred played some more drops. Fred had the caller laughing. Howard asked how many he has up there. Fred said there are 8 columns. He played clip after clip. Howard said it's too bad they're not written down. He said he could have a conversation there. Howard said he could do this. Howard tried it and asked Robin to look at his penis. Fred played a laugh of Robin's. He played her saying ''don't forget the balls!'' She said she will fuck him hard like a teacher. Howard said that's a good one. He had Robin saying a bunch of other things.
Fred had Robin saying ''asshole!'' and Howard said that's what you hear right before she breaks up with you. Fred played a bunch more and Howard said that's enough. Fred played her laughing when Howard said he is the love of Robin's life. The caller said everyone knows she is. Robin said everyone but her. Fred played more of Robin laughing.
Howard said he should probably break here. Fred said yes. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard said he was disappointed in the pictures because there was only one of her thinner. He said she had more clothes on than if she was living in Iran. Robin said she saw it and she did have a lot of clothes on. Howard said he wants her to start working out. He said he wants to see. He said he has a feeling she'd be fucking awesome. Howard said someone has to get on that and get him more outfits and revealing ''linger-ee.''
Howard said what he was going to tell Robin was this. He said this is kind of fun and silly. He said he has to find it. Howard said this is Billboard number 2 songs. He said they have the top 100 that they haven't listened to lately. He said the business has changed so much that they can't tell what people are listening to. He said you have all of these streaming services.
Howard said you think that country music fans are backwards but then you find out that they're the only ones buying music. Howard said they don't know about the streaming services apparently. He said that he has this thing in his mind about dumb people and how they send money to other people and buy CDs. Howard said the Amish aren't buying that shit.
Howard said Billboard started tracking music in 1958. He said there have been over 1000 number 1 songs in that time. He said they're not all classics. He said some of the great songs they know forever have only made it to number 2. He said they get knocked out by shitty songs. Howard said ''Louie, Louie'' was one of the greatest songs of all time. Howard played some of that. He said that song only made it to number 2 on the charts. Robin asked what number 1 was. Howard said it's hard to believe it was never number 1. He said the number 1 song wasn't even in English. He said it was ''Dominica, nica, nica'' by The Singing Nun. Howard said she ended up killing herself. He said she was gay and back then it was so looked down upon that she had problems with it. Howard said she also had problems with the money for recording the song too. Howard asked if she was still a nun when she killed herself. Gary had some details of the story and said the two of them killed themselves by taking and overdose of barbiturates.
Howard said that would make a great movie. He was coming up with a cast for that movie. Gary said in the suicide note she denied being gay. Robin asked what she was killing herself for then.
Howard had Emily Ratajkowski and Margo Robbie starring in his movie about the singing nun. Robin said Emily can't have any lines. Howard said she's pretty quiet in this movie. He said she gets naked a lot though. He said she's giving a bath to Margot Robbie.
Robin said she got ripped off by her nunnery. She said they took the royalties so that's why she got screwed by her taxes. Howard said he would call this movie Dirty Habits. He was talking about it like a commercial voice over guy would.
Howard kept coming up with more ideas for the film. He said that Gal Gadot could play a temptress in the movie.
Howard said that he's a genius in casting. He said he has Margot Robbie and Emily Ratajkowski in this one. He did more talk up like the voice over guy. He said Ang Lee could direct. Robin said they need that Bong guy who did Parasite. Howard said he can't watch a movie with subtitles. Robin said it's so good.
Howard said he could have Tom Hanks in the movie. He said he's surprised that the movie about Mr. Rogers didn't get more awards. He said he thought that was really good. He said he can't remember who he lost out to.
Howard said this is a good one. He said The Beatles are the most popular band of all time. He said they had 20 number 1 hits. He said even they were blocked from going number 1 on occasion. He said this song only made it to number 2. He played the song ''Do You want To Know A secret'' and asked what song it was that blocked them. Robin didn't know. Howard said it was Louis Armstrong's cover of ''Hello Dolly.'' He played some of that song too.
Howard asked if Robin wants to hear more. Robin said yes. Howard said he knew it. He said the Rolling Stones had this at number 2. He played their song ''19th Nervous Breakdown.'' Howard said the song that kept that out of number 1 was ''Ballad of the Green Berets.'' He played that too.
Howard said you'd think that ''Proud Mary'' would be number 1. He said he remembers buying this album. He played the song and said ''Dizzy'' from Tommy Roe kept that out of number 1.
Howard said Credence also stalled out at number 2 with ''bad Moon Rising.'' He said at number 1 was the love theme from Romeo and Juliet composed by Henry Mancini. Howard played some of that.
Howard said he's got one more. He said Prince had 5 number 1 songs in his career. He said that he made it to number 2 with ''Purple Rain'' in 1984. He played that song and said that number 1 was Wham ''Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.'' He played some of that and said they did play that at WNBC when they were there.
Howard said he never heard that part before. Fred was playing Jackie the Joke Man making a weird sound.
Howard said Gary loves that kind of stuff. He said he knows all of the number 1s. Howard said Gary was trying to come in with a Bruce Springsteen song. Gary said he's never had a number 1. He said he lost out to The Reflex by Duran Duran with one of his songs. Howard said he thought that he made it to number 1 with Born in the USA.
Howard said he remembers when Cream made it to number 1 with ''Sunshine of Your Love.'' He said he loved that. He played some of the song. Gary said that only made it to number 5. Howard said he has a memory of it going to number 1. Howard said that Hendrix must have had a number 1 hit. Gary looked it up and said he only had one song that made the top 20 which was All Along the Watchtower. He said that was his only big hit. He said that was a single that went to number 20. Howard said that's crazy. Gary said Purple Haze only went to number 65. Howard said people have no taste. He played some of Jimi's ''Purple Haze.'' Howard talked it up and dragged out the call letters so he'd hit the post. Howard said he hated guys who did that. He said he did it himself. Howard said what a song.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he's fat shaming lately. Howard said he's not fat shaming. He said he's saying that people who are heavy shouldn't be getting advice from people who can't control their weight. The caller said that he's talking about Adele. Howard said he's just proud of her. He said he can't be the only one who wants to see people who lost weight. He said he's just being honest.
Howard said he's not fat shaming. He said he just doesn't think it's right that people who are fat are advising people on how to lose weight. He said if they can't do it then what are they telling him to do. The caller said he gets his point. Howard said he's not fat shaming, he's fat noticing.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Vomit Guy who had a name for them about a religious guy who bragged about his wealth. Howard said Jeff's phone is echoing and he can't take that. Howard said Jeff knows what he's doing. Jeff said he's just on his old fashioned phone there. Howard said he can't talk to him because of that. Jeff asked what he did. Howard said he wanted to talk to him too and he can't. Robin said he calls in like once a year so they don't forget him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked when he's going to be sucking Oprah's ass. He said he gets into feuds and then makes up with them and sucks their ass. Howard said he's not angry with Oprah. He said he's just pointing this stuff out. The caller said he knows Howard will be hanging out with her at some point. Howard said he has said he would love that. He said he's not saying anything that he hasn't said.
The caller said he never says anything good about Trump either. He said everything he does is bad. Howard said he has made some bad decisions. The caller said just be fair. Howard said no one rates women better than Trump. Howard asked what he wants him to say. Robin asked the caller why he doesn't say something good that he's done. The caller said no one is talking to her. The caller said that the immigration thing is being locked own. He said that's good. Howard said it's the way he's doing it. He said read a paper once in a while. Howard said you can get shit done and not do it the wrong way. He said Bloomberg was good at getting rid of the homeless in the city. He said there are ways of doing things humanely. He said no one is for open borders. He said it's the way you handle things. He said it's the way you get things done.
Howard asked the caller about Trump's university and ripping people off. The caller said that wasn't good but everyone has something they've done that's not so nice. Howard said he's never ripped anyone off. Howard said there are people who say he talks too nicely about Donald and some who said he never says anything nice about him. He said that's what people talk about. The caller said he has a tough job. Howard said it's how you lead and how you finesse it. He said there's a lot to that job. He said he loved hanging out with Donald. He said he has said he was one of the greatest guests on the show. He said he doesn't think he should have run for president. He said you can't say you don't know a porn star and then it turns out you're paying her to shut her mouth. He asked how you judge someone's character. The caller said you don't want to get caught. Howard said you have to have a certain moral background when you're the president. He said you have to know how the world works and how things get done.
Howard let the caller go. He said that Steve-O is a great guest too. He said he shouldn't be president. He said Donald was great guest too. He said he shouldn't be president.
Robin said if you call in to get them to praise the guy for the good things he's done just name those good things.
Howard said Steve-O used to staple his balls to his leg. He said that guy should not be president.
Howard asked Robin who she thinks will get the democratic nomination. Robin said she can't say. She said she doesn't think it'll be Biden. She said he doesn't have whatever it takes to get through this whole thing. She said she's leaning toward Elizabeth Warren. Howard said he thinks Biden will be the nominee. Howard said in every poll he seems to do well. Robin said polling has never stood up to primaries. Howard asked if Robin wants to bet. Robin said sure. She said she'll bet $100. Howard said he'll bet her. Robin said it won't be Biden.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been listening since he was 14. He said he listens every morning. He said he feels like he's listening to MSNBC lately. Howard said he almost never talks about politics. He said get over it. The caller said he doesn't disagree. He said it just feels like MSNBC. Howard said he doesn't give a fuck anymore what he thinks. He asked what his point is. The caller said his point is that he feels like it's a political show. Howard said don't listen then. He asked why he thinks it's important to him if he listens. He said if he doesn't do anything political then people ask why he's clamming up. Howard said take the radio and throw it out the window. He said he doesn't care. The caller said he'll have to blow up his car. The caller said he still loves him. Howard said who cares. Howard said he's just trying to stay alive and do an interesting show.
Howard said he's not sure why his fans do this to him. He said this has gone on his whole career. He said he would go into a market and eliminate all of the competition. He said he'd blow them all out of the water. He said then the articles come out about how he sucks. He said they'd say his show used to be good and now it sucks. He said his fans are a bunch of weirdos. He said he's never seen a situation like that. He said people think they know him. He said no one knows him. He said he doesn't even know himself.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves how these guys call in and criticize him. He said they still listen religiously. Howard said he tell them not to listen. He said they keep coming in. He said they have 35 million subscribers now. He said he's trying to get rid of some of them. He said they're like cockroaches though. The caller said he's never heard someone say that they listened a couple of times and stopped. He said they keep listening.
Howard had Ronnie come in so he could ask about something. He wrote it down and asked if they can talk about it. Ronnie said he thinks so. Howard asked Ronnie to talk about why he had to switch psychiatrists. Ronnie said he was pouring his heart out to the guy and he ended up falling asleep while he was doing it. Howard said Ronnie totally busted him too. Ronnie said he asked if he was boring him and the guy just jumped up half asleep and said he was just resting his eyes. Ronnie said he saw him dozing and trying to stay awake.
Howard said you'd think that would be an exciting thing to be his therapist. Ronnie said he busted him one other time. He said his appointment was right after he had lunch. He said he wasn't always alert. He said he called his assistant when he was out and told her that he was going to split town on this guy. He said she said maybe they can schedule him before lunch. He must have had issues.
Howard said he should have hung his cock over his face after he fell asleep. Howard said he got pissed when he heard that. Howard said he wanted to report the guy. He said he should have just admitted what happened. Ronnie said he felt disappointed by the whole thing. Howard asked if he charged him for that appointment. Ronnie said he did and he paid it. He said he never went back after that. He said the new guy is great.
Howard said he told Ronnie he can't go back. Ronnie said he was totally done at that point. He said the new therapist was laughing when he told him that story. Howard said it wasn't funny. He was betrayed. Ronnie said that guy had no idea what he was talking about. Howard said he can't imagine how the guy could sleep through his stories.
Howard asked what he talks about in there. Ronnie said he talks about a lot of things. He said he gets angry but he won't scream and yell. He said he just pours it out. Howard said you have a problem if you fall asleep during Ronnie's stories.
Howard asked if he talks about him in there. Ronnie said he has. Howard said he wants to tape that session. Ronnie said he has talked about him. Howard said he is a damn good guy. He said that's what he should be saying. Ronnie said he doesn't bad mouth him. He said he did tell the guy that he caught a bunch of shit when he got back. Howard said he told him to go on that vacation. He said he can see that he talked about him in a bad way.
Fred was doing the Ronnie puppet thing. Ronnie told him to stop it over there. Howard asked if the therapist knows the show. Ronnie said he knows it but doesn't listen. He said the guy was an Imus guy and he listened to Howard back when he was on WNBC.
Ronnie said he was talking to a friend and he told him who he's seeing. He said that guy was going to go see the guy who fell asleep.
Ronnie said he likes this new guy. He said he's into old rock and stuff. Howard asked how he knows that. Ronnie said they talk about it. Howard said his therapist doesn't talk about stuff like that.
Howard asked if Ronnie tells the guy graphic details about the stuff he has done. Ronnie said they're not graphic. Howard asked if he told the guy about fucking his neighbor. Ronnie said he can't remember. Howard asked if he talks about shoving things up his ass. Ronnie said no but he's not embarrassed by it. Ronnie said he goes into detail about stuff. He said he knows about Stephanie being so much younger than him.
Howard asked if the guy knows he washes his ass in the sink. Ronnie said no to that. Howard said he'd love to be his psychiatrist. Robin said she would too.
Howard asked if he's in a therapy group. Ronnie said no. He said he's one on one. Howard said he gets a lot of detail in the car. He said Robin should climb in and hear some of that. He said he knows he doesn't want him bringing up some things. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said this is a good song. He asked if they still have that Eminem channel there. Robin said yes.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said yesterday he said something about Jeopardy and he remembers about 5 years ago he was watching Jeopardy and they get to final Jeopardy and it was about country music an none of them got it but he did. He said he felt like he was on top of the world. Howard said it does feel good when you get one right. Robin said you'd think he'd go take the test and try to get on the show.
Howard asked what the question was. Jeff said he's not really sure. He said it had something to do with country music. Jeff said he thinks the answer was Kenny Rogers. Howard said the question must have been ''What country star does no one give a shit about?''
Howard was going to let Jeff go and Jeff sounded disappointed that he was letting him go. Howard asked why he's acting like that. Jeff said he never gets to talk to him and he's not a nobody. Howard said he had a conversation with him so he's saying goodbye. Howard asked if he wants a new topic. Jeff said yeah. He said he keeps other people on forever. Howard said he does not. Jeff said he talks to Ronnie for 10 minutes. Howard said he's interesting. Howard asked if his therapist fell asleep on him. Jeff said probably. Howard said Ronnie has some interesting stuff. He said he recorded some sex tips and they were so dirty that he couldn't play them on the show this morning.
Howard asked Jeff the Drunk what he's done that's so interesting. Jeff said he graduated high school at the tender age of 21. Howard asked if he was disruptive in class. Jeff said no. Howard said fascinating. He was going to let him go. Howard said his name was Jeff the Bore but they changed it back to Jeff the Drunk. Jeff asked if he knows who he met. Howard asked who. Jeff didn't even remember. He said he met the spirited one. Howard said this is what he means about him. He said he can't get a story out of him. Jeff said the guy wears a robe all the time. He said the enlightened one. Howard asked if it's Dr. Phil. Jeff said no. He said the guy is real spiritual. Howard asked if it's Oprah. Jeff said no. Howard said he has to go. He said this is ridiculous. Howard guessed it was the Dalai Lama. Jeff said that's it. Howard hung up on him a few seconds later.
Howard said they love it when they write songs about Robin. Robin said they have enough.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wants to give him some perspective on how his life really isn't that fucked up. Howard said he didn't say it was. The caller said her daughter got an incurable disease and she had never even heard of it and she's a nurse. Howard said everyone has a story. The caller said her husband became a drug addict and died 8 months ago. She said Howard has 3 healthy children and a wife that loves him. She said she just wants to tell him to shut the fuck up some mornings. Howard said his mother had a horrible life and almost as bad as this woman's. He said people who have had a horrible life and they feel like other people can't feel bad about their own lives. He said he can have bad days. The caller said she gets that. She said she deals with kids dying every day. Howard asked if that takes away his pain. She said no but he has 3 healthy children. Howard said he thanks god for that. He asked why that has to do with him waking up on the wrong side of the bed. He said if everything was rosey that would be a real interesting show. Howard said he feels for her and her daughter. The caller said that her daughter got 3 brain tumors at 15 and they have no tumor suppressor for this thing she has. Howard let her go a short time later.
Robin said she's on that caller's side in that. Howard said Robin has every right to be after everything she's been through. Howard said he forgot to tell that caller that sometimes he loses the sound on his TV sound system. He said that's a horror story too.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were doing a bit where the guy said he had it worse than that caller because he's just a head in a jar. He said he was born that way. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin started her news with a story about Delta airlines giving raises with their profit sharing program with their employees. Robin said they will be giving 2 months of pay. Robin said that they talk about sharing profits and this is what they're doing. Robin said corporations rarely do this. She said the bonuses go to the CEOs usually.
Robin read a story about Eminem having some new music that he's releasing. Robin said the new album is called Music to be Murdered By. She had a little bit of it for Howard to play.
Robin asked how much sleep Howard gets. Howard said last night he went to bed after watching 90 Day Fiance and the SAG Awards. Robin said she was trying to tell Howard that Americans are averaging less than 6 hours of sleep a night. Howard said that's not good. Robin said they say even 6 hours is a struggle for most. Howard said some people just can't give up their day and go to sleep. He said he's not sure what it is. Howard said Transcendental Meditation helps. He said Gary was funny. He said he went around asking how much sleep they get there. He said when he got to Benjy the whole thing fell apart. He said he could not answer it. Gary said Benjy asked if he could write it down. He said no. He said Benjy said he would like to get 8 hours but then he came to him later and said it's between 6 and 8. Howard said he has a hang up with sleep. He said he has a hang up with giving a simple answer. Howard said Ronnie's therapist gets plenty of sleep.
Robin said they say there are some things you can do to get some sleep. Howard said he loves going to bed. He said if he wakes up he just starts to read and he's out again. Robin read about what can help like reading and sleeping with a pet. Howard said he can't sleep with pets. He said he needs total silence when he sleeps. He said his mother gave him advice on that. He said she told him that people carry on and what you need to do is just lay there. She said your body is getting rest anyway. She said if you don't get sleep that night you'll get it the next night. He said she's right. He said he got into bed and he just lays there. He said if you can't go to sleep you're just going to lay there. He said sometimes he doesn't go back to sleep. He said most times he will fall asleep. He said it does work. Howard did his mother's voice while talking about all of that. He had her talking to Robin about what she and Howard talk about when they do talk. Howard went on and on with the impression for a while. He had his father in there too. His mother told a story about how Howard helped her button a dress one time. Ray was taking credit for making Howard what he is today. Howard had his mother talking about coming to her when he was about 5 years old and all of his friends were trouble makers. She said Howard asked for a gun and she said no. She said Howard just wanted to be a cowboy. She asked if you can imagine that. Ray said that Howard told her he knows the difference between a toy and a real gun so she got him that toy gun. She said she wanted him to play with dolls so she bought him puppets. Howard interrupted and said he's trying to do a show here. He said he's heard these stories already. Robin said she should write a book. Ray talked about how good for Howard it was that he played with dolls. Howard said he has to go. He stopped with the impression and did a live commercial read.
Robin read a story about a new report about marijuana can carry the same issues as tobacco when it comes to heart health. Robin had some details on that. Howard said he wants JD off of pot now. Robin said she doesn't want to be responsible for JD's heart. JD said he's really not doing it that much at all.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he would love for him to do an animated series with his parents. Howard said he had written an animated series that was going to be on Spike. He said it's the one project that eluded him. He said they had the cartoon drawn up and some tests done. He said when it was almost all done they got into an argument with the network that wanted it. He said he wanted the expensive animation but they wanted him to do the computer animation and he gave up. He said a couple of years ago they rewrote the scripts but it just never seems to go anywhere. He said Michael Cera was going to do his voice. He said the cartooning was funny as shit too. He said the characters were great. The caller said Howard should do them all. Howard said the house he grew up in was so dark and dismal. He said it all took place in the 60s. He said his parents looked like monsters and he was way too tall to fit in the house. He said it was great. He said he should sit down and finish that. The caller said he's on a show on FXX and they're always looking for stuff. Howard said he has no shortage of networks looking for that stuff.
Robin read a story about Tim Tebow getting married. Robin said he used to talk about how he wanted to wait to get married. Robin said he never did that well in the NFL but he had a lot of attention on him when he started. Robin said he claimed to be a virgin and he may have been on his wedding day. Robin said he did pick quality vagina. She said his wife was a Miss Universe. Howard said her vagina has to be awesome. He said he probably almost blew her ahead off with his jizz. Robin said his name continues to be bandied about in the press and she's not sure why. Howard said it's because he didn't want pussy.
Howard took a call from fake Tim Tebow who said he's about to have sex right now. Howard told him to do it. Tim came and blew his wife across the room and then flooded the room with his jizz.
Robin said Tim goes around giving inspirational messages to people. Howard said he thinks he could make money doing that. He said maybe he should do that. He asked how much he should charge for that. Robin had some examples of what Tim is doing with his messages. Howard did his own inspirational messages where he said ''Turn that frown upside down.'' and things like that. Robin asked if he's going to put that on Twitter today. Howard said yeah. He said the guys gave him a note about how Tim was probably the greatest college quarterback of all time. Howard did more inspirational messages. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about President Trump being in Davos Switzerland and he's showing his skepticism in climate change. Robin had some details about what he was saying. Robin also had some audio of Greta Thunberg speaking at the conference.
Robin read a story about Ozzy Osbourne revealing that he has Parkinson's. Howard asked why they didn't come in there. Robins said they have forgotten them. Howard said Sharon just sent him an email with Ozzy's new album. He asked if Gary has heard from them. Gary said Sharon was supposed to come in but they keep giving new dates. He said she'll be in. Howard asked what the story is. Robin said Ozzy has a form of Parkinson's. Gary said JD just said Robin Roberts flew to them to do the story. Robin said they would have flown to them too. Howard said this is the show to announce Parkinson's on. He said they're the official show. Robin had some audio of Ozzy talking about a bad fall he had that screwed up his nerves and now he has a mild form of Parkinson's. Robin said it sounds like it's affecting his voice too. Robin had a clip of Sharon saying Ozzy needs to get back out on the road. She was talking about how she loves being on the road and this is the longest it's ever been. Ozzy said he can't wait to get back out there. He said that's his drug today. He said he ain't done yet and he ain't going anywhere. Howard said he loves that guy. He said JD talks the same way as Ozzy. He said he may have a form of that. Howard said Ozzy's body did take a lot of abuse. He said it's amazing he's survived all of that. He said it sounds like he's having a hard time. He said he sounds great on the new album though. Robin said this has been going on a long time. Howard said he sings great. He said he listened to the whole thing. Howard said meanwhile Keith Richards keeps going. He said they must be around the same age. He said Ozzy had 15 screws in his spine after a recent call. Gary said Ozzy is 71 and Keith is 76. Howard said Ozzy must be wondering what the fuck is going on.
Robin read a story about Lev Parnas doing an interview with Rachel Maddow. She said it was interesting that he had a whole wall of selfies with Trump. Howard said Donald must have wondered what the hell he was doing. Howard asked what's up with that guy. He said he's having secret meetings and he's asking for selfies. Robin had some clips from Maddow's show where Parnas talked about how the President knew what they were doing in Ukraine. Howard said he digs that guy's hair. Robin said it is interesting how some from the back comes to the front and some goes from the front to cover the back. Robin had more clips for Howard to play from the interview.
Robin had some clips from the news where they talked about Martin Luther King Jr. day yesterday. They had clips of Kellyanne Conway talking about what President Trump was doing yesterday to honor the day. They had a couple of other clips they played.
Robin read a story about the Senate voting on impeachment rules today.
Robin read about how Prince Harry has joined his wife and child in Canada today. Robin said they have no idea that they have to pay bills and buy things on their own. Howard said Bill Maher was saying this is great because it gives you permission to leave your family. He said he thought that was a great rap.
Robin read a story about some polls that show that the majority of America wants Trump out of office. Robin said they say that the senate should convict Trump on the charges. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started the show talking about how he woke up at 2 in the morning and he's been up ever since. He said it's going to be a tough show. He said he's going to be negative and people have been complaining about him being like that lately so if you don't like it then tune out.
Howard said he can't turn his head and he's grumpy today. He said he's keeping it real. He said you can put that in your pipe and smoke it. Robin said he had hand signals when he walked in. Howard asked if she got what he was trying to tell her. Howard said he was trying to say he called her last night. Robin said she gets that now.
Howard said he tried to call her last night and she's impossible to get in touch with. He said Gary says the same thing. Robin said it's Howard's fault. She said a few weeks ago he asked if she ever naps. She said ever since then she has not been able to not nap every afternoon. Howard said that's fine but he's not sure why she doesn't have a system for knowing that she has phone calls. Robin said she does and by the time she wakes up it's too late to call anyone back.
Howard asked if she can have a phone number that sends her an email. Robin said she does not. Howard said he has a Google number that sends an email. Robin said she doesn't have that. Howard asked if she hears it when someone calls. Robin said she doesn't. Howard asked if she lives in the 1800s. Robin said yes and she likes it there. Howard said he doesn't get it.
Howard said he was just calling to see how she was doing. He said if it was urgent he can't get a hold of her. He said he can't text her. Robin said she's not attached to her phone. Howard said he doesn't know how to get in touch with her if it's important. He asked how she can find out if Fred dies. Robin said lots of phone calls will do that.
Howard said he walked in this morning and he was doing charades for her. Robin said his sign language is terrible. Howard said he assumed she knew he had called. Robin said she saw that it was a phone call to her. She said he didn't have any time signature. She said she doesn't know what time it was.
Howard asked Fred to write down the title of a movie and he'll act it out for her. Howard started acting it out for Robin. Robin was guessing and Howard said she's terrible at this. He was blowing something or under water according to Robin. Howard said he's making wind. Robin said he has to tell her if she's close. Howard said he's making wind. Robin guessed it was Gone with the Wind. Howard said she's bad. Robin said she said blown and he said no. Howard said that was him saying please blow him.
Howard said he doesn't know how to play that. He said he's not sure how to act out gone. He said he was going to walk out and never come back. He said Robin was horrible at it. Robin said she was not. She said he didn't say stay in that department.
Howard asked Fred for one more. He started in with another movie. It was two words and Robin said Howard was looking for something. Howard said if he shows 2 it's the second word. Robin said she doesn't know. She watched Howard and guessed it was him fighting a battle. Howard said he just acted out the whole thing. Howard kept going and Robin guessed it was something Wars. Robin said he only gave her one word. She eventually got Star Wars after a minute and 15 seconds.
Howard asked how good he was. Fred said he thought he was doing it well. He said you don't realize how difficult it is. Howard said he acted out a war. He said he doesn't want to play with Robin. Robin asked for one more. Howard said he can't act out all morning. He said they're being paid for this.
Howard asked Fred for one more. Robin said she got all three. She said she got Gone with the Wind. Howard asked Fred to give him one and he gave him The Terminator. Howard asked how he acts that out. Robin said she can't imagine.
Fred gave Howard another one and Howard said he can't act that one out either. He said she'll never get this one. He said there's no way. He said he's trying to think but nothing's happening. He said Fred gave him The Godfather. Robin said maybe you do a father with a baby.
Howard said he has to try one more. Fred said he's blanking out on this. Howard said come on. He said next time they'll play Tic Tac Toe. Howard said he gave him Annie Hall this time. Fred said this one might work. Howard took a look and went into charades with Robin. Robin got that one as Brokeback Mountain after 45 seconds. Howard said he can't take this. He said his acting is awesome. Robin said he just had to stick with it and she got it. Fred asked if he wants to try one more. Howard said no. He said this is ridiculous. He said 3 people are now listening.
Howard said he laid there for 2 hours trying to sleep. He said he listened to what his mother told him to do. He said he never fell back asleep. Robin said he'll sleep tonight so don't worry about it.
Howard said he was reading some stuff and he was trying to get to sleep that way. He said then he was reading about Trump and some obituaries. He said he then he was thinking about how everyone dies.
Howard said he was reading about opinions on Trump and this killing of this General Soleimani. Howard said he was a bad guy but they had no plan once they did kill the guy. He said you have to have a plan. Howard said they also pulled the plug on the Iranian nuclear deal and that's a mess. He said no one knows what the plan was. He said they pull out and kill the general but they have no plan for all of this. Howard said they're undermining the whole world by doing this. He said we could have been on a road to bring them into the real world. He said if the plan is to isolate them then bring everyone in on the plan. He said there is no plan. He said everyone refuses to answer what they plan on doing. He said a child doesn't realize there are consequences to what they do. He said no one wants to offer an explanation. He said he's reading this in the newspaper and he's getting aggravated. He said then he was reading obituaries. He said he thought that would relax him. He said that didn't work. Robin said that's not going to relax you. Howard said he read the section on business and science in the NY Times. He said he saw something about China. He said it turns out we're falling so far behind them. He said they figured out a way to dominate technology. He said their infrastructure is so awesome that they have shit going down that we'll be second rate to China. He said they'll be calling the shots in his kids and grandchildren's future. Howard said that was making him nuts.
Howard said he was watching Bloomberg on Colbert's show and that guy is so good. Howard said he wishes they would just vote for him. He said he has some great ideas. Robin said he has talked about education, jobs and job development. Howard said he wasn't able to sleep so he was just going crazy over this assassination and how it was like an impulse buy. He said he wasn't able to sleep.
Howard said he thought his heart was beating too fast. He said he was getting worked up.
Howard said he was thinking about Ozzy and how awful his situation is. He said he was thinking about how great Sharon is and he sent her a note last night saying she's in his prayers even though he doesn't pray. He said then he opens the paper today and they say that Ozzy was out shopping somewhere in Los Angeles and not looking so great. He said it was really dark. He said they saw Ozzy on the street and took pictures that he sold to the newspaper. He said he just felt bad. He said Ozzy is walking along with a cane and they take pictures of him. He said this guy is hiding in the bushes to take pictures. Robin said someone came to her house to see if she was dying. Howard said someone tipped them off that she was doing the show from her house. He said that's when she was really sick. Robin said she was back from Chemo that day and really wiped out. She said the guy stood there and watched people helping her get into the house. She said the guy watched that whole thing and then waited for everyone to leave and he came up to the door and knocked on it. Howard said can you imagine. Robin said the guy said they wanted to get her to say what was going on in her own words. Robin said she told the guy he was ridiculous and slammed the door in his face. Robin said the guy was heavyset and in his mid to late 30s. She said he pulled out every cliché to get her to say something.
Howard said when Robin told him that story he got all worked up. He said he got so pissed off he could go on radio and go after the company. He said he likes to find out the names of the guys who own the company and go after them instead of the reporters. He said the owners stay hidden. He said you have to really dig deep. He said his plan was to go after the guy. He said he was going to get on the radio and tell his fans to go to that guy's house. He said he probably sits down in his house in Florida. Robin said two days later they had sent a woman over there. Robin said this woman showed up and the cops chased her away and she started crying about how if she didn't get the story they were going to fire her. Robin said she begged and cried over that. Howard said he hopes she blew the police officers. Robin said she just found out about that in the last year or so. She said it was a long time ago that it happened.
Howard said they're also catching stories about Trump and killing them. He said the whole thing is weird.
Robin said that Saudi Prince hacked Bezos' phone. Robin said that's the latest story. She said the pictures showed up of him and his girlfriend about a year later. Howard said no one gets in trouble for hacking the phone. Robin said they can't track them down. Howard said the other thing that pisses him off is that the prince got away with killing that reporter. Howard said Trump thinks that's a good guy. He asked why they don't assassinate that guy.
Howard said when he saw that Ozzy picture this morning he went crazy. He said the other thing that ticked him off was the Derek Jeter story. He said he knows Jeter is great even though he's not a sports fan. He said to get in the hall of fame they have to vote on it. He said the sports journalists vote on it but one guy didn't vote him in. He said that drove him nuts. He said it's just this one guy. He said he just wants to be different and not vote for him. He said he'd like to know why this guy felt he had to teach Jeter a lesson. He said that's absurd.
Howard said he doesn't care about the hall of fames but it means something to some people. He said the only hall of fame that should exist is for people who have died in the military or fire fighters and cops.
Howard said the baseball writers association votes in the hall of fame. Howard said you never hear a bad word about Jeter from the women he dated. Robin said he didn't even say anything bad about the guy who voted him out. Howard said it said today that Babe Ruth didn't get voted in unanimously. He said there were some others that didn't get it either.
Robin said only one person got voted in unanimously. It was Mariano Rivera. Gary had some thoughts on all of that. Howard asked if Mad Dog gets to vote in that. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said some writers will talk about it and some don't. He said he thinks Francesa is a voter. He wasn't sure about that.
Howard asked if anyone comes forward and reveals their reasons. Gary said there was a guy who did that a few years ago. Howard said that guy is a fuck. He said that's what he's talking about. He said that's why he gets worked up. He said he doesn't like the way people think.
Howard said there's a list of dates that Derek had. He said he allegedly had Mariah Carey, Jordana Bruster, Vanessa Manilo... Howard said he hung out with her when Beth did a show with her. He said hubba, hubba Robin. Robin said she thinks she understands that language. Fred played the boner sound effect for him. Howard said he thinks that Derek made women sign an NDA after they were with him. Howard said he used to give gift baskets to them too. Howard said Derek says that's not true for the record.
Howard read that Jeter had Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson, Adriana Lima, Jessica Biel, Gabrielle Union, Minka Kelly and Hanna Davis. Howard said that's MVP or most valuable penis. He said Pete Davidson is jealous of this guy. He said Pete asks how he does it. He said he may be coaching Pete.
Howard said he got worked up about that story too. He said his life is a little too great but he cares about fairness. Howard said Minka is on Titans. Jason gave him that information. Howard said he didn't know that. He asked why Derek didn't marry her.
Howard said that's kind of a classy list of women. He said a lot of them had their own money. Robin said it's easy to pull a hot waitress but lets see him pull someone with money. Robin said that's why he should be applauded.
Howard said Pete Davidson had Ariana Grande and Kate Beckinsale. He said she had Kaia Gerber too and she's making money as a model. He said that's power.
Gary said they looked up the article about the gift bag story about Jeter. Gary said when the women got in the car they had this gift bag with a signed baseball. The woman who came forward said she got the bag twice. Howard said he doesn't know the validity of that story. He said he got the opposite. He said he got the call that his dick was too small.
Howard said Robin never got a gift bag. Robin said no one was ever that prepared. Howard asked if A-Rod or Derek Jeter had the better list. He said they both have good lists. Howard said Jeter has longevity. Robin said yeah. Howard said he has no idea what he's talking about.
Howard said he fell asleep watching My 600 Pound Life. He said they say it's not good to fall asleep watching TV. He said he did watch another episode of that. He said this woman was a disaster. He said she went back to eating the old way. He said she said it wasn't working for her and went back to eating the regular way. Howard said he'd rather be with Jeter since he'd get a signed baseball. He said that would be the dopey move. Robin said that's not a good move.
Howard said this girl is smoking hot and within 3 seconds she's on his shoulder crying. He said he thinks the story was about her parents divorcing and her father was a drug addict or something. He said she was put in a group home and all of this. He said she's so hot but how do you repair that damage her parents did to her. Howard said the guy looks at her and says that he's excited about her opening up to him. He said he could see him not wanting to kiss her after that. Robin said you don't have to spill your guts to them. She said that's not what opening up means. Howard said that was a bad strategy. He said that guy is going to be gone every day since he's a pilot. He said he won't be there for them every day. He said he's not giving up his job for them either.
Howard said he has seen this strategy with women before. Robin said there was a woman who came on and said she was a widow one season. Robin said she didn't win. Howard said he doesn't lay on that stuff with Beth.
Howard said he waited to heap his stories on Beth. He didn't do that right away. He said Beth knows it all now but he roped her in first. Robin said she was having a great time starting off. Howard said Beth came home from doing her thing yesterday and he went to her and said ''You're all I have!'' He said she ran away from him so fast. He said you don't do that in the beginning. Howard said he thought this nurse was a shoe in but then he saw that episode last night. He said this is a sad woman. He said there are other women there who aren't doing that to him. He said it sounded like his mom talking about the holocaust and her mother. Howard said he had his parents make a tape for the kids. He said he interviewed his father about how he met his mother. Howard went into his impression of his father telling him that it wasn't love at first sight. His father went to a dance and met her but he had to find out where she lived because he didn't want to have to go too far to date her. Howard said he asked if he called her up. He said his father sent her a post card. He said they must not have had phones. He said his dad asked her out with a post card.
Howard said he asked his mother what happened. He said she told him that she went to a dance with her sister. She said she didn't look as good as her sister. He said she saw this guy in an army uniform and he came over and asked her to dance. She said she was tall and she liked that so they danced. Howard was in his mother's voice talking about all of this. Howard had Ray talking about how her father didn't like this guy and he let him know it. Howard said it was a horrible story. Robin said you can't make a movie out of this. Howard had Ray talking about the horror of it all.
Howard said if she was hooking it would have been a better story. He told that story as his mother.
Howard said he showed the kids the family tape and he thought they were going to jump out a window because it was so depressing. Howard said Robin should see this tape. Robin said she's not sure she could take it. Howard told more stories as his mother. He had her talking about how her mother's father was not a good man. Howard said he was named after this guy who went to America and found a new wife and didn't come back for her mother.
Howard said you have to see this tape. Robin laughed. Howard said he was named after this terrible guy. She named him after someone who was right up there with Hitler. Howard said he asked what happened to his family. He said his mother said they all died.
Howard said it's a depressing tape. He said it was one horrible story after another. Robin asked if he imagined they had some great romance. Howard said he knew it wasn't. Howard did more of his mom and dad talking about how they met. Howard said the people he was surrounded by were all depressing. He said his mother told him about this Grandma Stern who used to hold him all the time. He said that she got hit by a car and his dad told him about that matter of factly. He said it's all so depressing. He said his dad says you just have to go on.
Howard said he was never able to out sad his mother. He said he never went to her and said he was having a hard time. He said she'd whip into him with her own horror stories. He said her mother died when his mother was 9 years old. He told that story in his mother's voice. He had her telling him that she had to live in a tree with squirrels. He said he'd hear these stories and never wanted to complain to her. He said he had people beating him up at school every day but that was nothing compared to her stories.
Howard had his mother saying her first tampon was a pine cone. He said his father had a worse story than her's. He said they had nothing and they had to eat. He said his father would tell him about his father being a pants presser and working in this sweat shop. He said his grandfather sounded really well thought out. He was doing his father's voice telling all of these stories. Howard said his family tree is a fucking disaster. He said he was like oh my god.
Howard said his father said he had to walk to school with two left shoes. He was going on and on as his dad telling these horror stories. Robin asked what country this happened in. Howard said he'd complain about a kid trying to take his pants and his father would tell him to shut up. He said it was one horrible story after another. He said it was a nightmare. He said you can't complain about a problem. Robin said you'll never be as bad off as they had been. Howard said you can't win that competition. Howard said it was one story after another.
Howard said his mother wanted to name his sister Fern Stern. He said his father put a stop to that. Howard said he's thinking about his sister in a crib surrounded by rats. He said his mother told him about how his father was making $25 a week and it was great. He said it was one awful story after another.
Howard said his father just missed out on a scholarship because they closed down this program he was going to get into. He said they tell all of these stories on this tape he made for his kids. He said he never heard any happiness in those stories. He said his mother acted happy about him being born. He went into that story in his mother's voice. He said she counted all of his toes and fingers to make sure he had them all. He said the doctor looked at him and said Howard is happy as a mongoloid. Howard said he didn't know what that meant. He said a mongoloid is retarded. He said that was the first story he heard. He said his father went to work that day and didn't come to the hospital.
Howard said that's quite the video he made. He said it's like PTSD to him. He said he sees these girls looking for love stories on The Bachelor. He said he sees Beth and he has to hug her and tell her that she's all he has. He said she didn't stick around.
Howard said you can't lay out your stories of whoa for the guy. He asked JD if he can pull that story. JD said he can find it and get it to him in a few minutes. Howard said Beth never laid that on him. Howard said even his mom knew not to lay it on his dad. He said his dad would have been like ''What the hell?'' when she told him those stories. Howard said every story in this video is horrible. He said he never should have asked his family to make that video.
Howard asked JD to look for that story and he'll get to it later. The caller said she loves Fred and Robin. She said she loves Howard so much. Howard said he loves her too. He thanked her for listening. He said he hopes he doesn't hear her complaining.
Howard said he tried not to lay anything too heavy on his kids. He said he sugar coated everything. He said he made it out like it was Candyland. He told them it was all great. Howard let the caller go and went to break.
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Howard said there's a story about Joey Kramer suing Aerosmith. He said he got in an accident and had to leave the band and he wasn't allowed to come back. He said they made him audition to get back into the band. Robin said they didn't like the audition and didn't let him back in. Robin said now he's suing. Howard said he loves Joey but if they don't want to play with you then let it go maybe. Robin said they told him he didn't have enough energy. Howard said you do have to have energy.
Howard said he watches Charlie Watts and he looks like he died. Robin said the Rolling Stones can handle that deadlock. Howard said he thinks he was stuffed years ago. He said this is why you can't get sick. He said they can replace you like that.
Howard said it sounds like a bummer of a situation. Robin said she feels for everyone in the band. She said that if he hadn't had this mishap he might not be having this problem. He said if you pick an instrument just don't pick the drums. Robin said that's unless you're Dave Grohl because he can play many instruments.
Howard said this is the clip from The Bachelor that he thinks will win. He said she fucked up on Monday though. He said she opened up way too soon. He said that she had it going and then she pulled this shit.
Howard played the clip of this woman Victoria spilling her guts to the Bachelor. She was telling him how horrible her life was. Howard said he can't even explain how hot this woman is. He said she looked pretty fucking awesome. He said this was a big red flag to him. He said she might as well have told him her pussy smells.
Howard played more of the clip where the Bachelor says he's sorry to hear that. Victoria goes on with her story and gives him more. Howard said save the story for the second date. Robin said this is a 3 month into the relationship story. Howard said this is a after you're married story. Howard said she has really annoying vocal fry. He said she's so hot that you'll put up with it though.
Howard said this story doesn't end. He said you think it can't get worse but it does. He played more of Victoria telling her life's horror story.
Howard said you can't chase away a guy fast enough. He said she's doing her best. He asked what else you could do to chase the guy away. He did his impression of Victoria and her vocal fry voice. She talked about what she ate growing up like a potato with salt and pepper on it. Howard said he had that last night. Robin said he cooked his though.
Howard said that's really putting it all on the table. Howard continued the clip and Victoria was going on and on with her sad story. Howard made up horror stories for her to tell.
Howard said he was betting that she'd win and then she does this. He said now he's having a bad time. Howard played the clip and she's going on and on with her story. Howard said that's a bad move laying it all out there on the first date.
Howard played more of Victoria talking about how it's affected other relationships. Howard said he's sure it has. He made up more stories about awful things that have happened to him in his life.
Howard asked what kind of first date that is. He said he thought she was a shoe in but now he's not so sure. He said if she makes it to the last couple of girls she's going to take him home to meet her mom the former drug addict and that won't go well. He said she's not going to win based on that. He said Jimmy Kimmel claims he can predict the winner. He said he thinks he can do that too but he never does.
Howard thanked JD for pulling that clip. They went to break after that.
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Howard said there's a news story about a guy who went to the hospital in Mexico after taking a sex stimulant meant for bulls. He had an erection for over 3 days. Howard said he spent 3 days with an erection. Robin asked if he had a woman in mind. Howard said he delayed going to the hospital for a few days. He said a lot of guys who take bull stimulant and things like that they don't have a problem. Howard said he's never had a problem getting a boner. He said a lot of young guys must do it for kicks. He said he's not sure why he'd need a stimulant.
Howard said there was a story about a guy in Thailand who got his dick stuck in a home made fleshlight. He said it's like a flashlight with a vagina on the end. He said this guy made it out of a metal pipe and some piece of rubber. Jason said it was a pipe and a sock. Howard said the guy stuck his dick in there and he got stuck. He said his dick started turning black after 5 days. He said the guy waited because he was embarrassed. He said you have to go and tell the doctor you're such a loser that you made a pussy out of a pipe.
Howard said he has never fucked a flashlight. He said guys will fuck anything. He said he knew a guy growing up who built this thing out of a pillow to make it into a vagina. He said the guy used to fuck it. He said he liked the guy until he heard that story. He said he will put up with just about anything.
Robin asked how the guy with the bull stimulant made out. Howard said he thinks he's okay now. Howard said Richard told them a story about how he made a vagina out of a paper towel tube. Jason said that was a regular thing for Richard. Howard said Jason built something out a mattress. Jason said he was out of his mind horny and he stuck his dick between his mattress and box spring and fucked it. Howard asked if he came. Jason said he did. He said he was like 17 when he did it. Jason said he had it in his mind like he just had to fuck. Robin said it must hurt. She said you have to lose some skin. Howard said he has a dick and he's not sure how they're pulling that off.
Howard had fake Bernie on the phone too so he went to him. Bernie was giving his percentages for Elizabeth. The two of them went at each other with some verbal jabs.
Fake Bernie was calling Elizabeth names and Elizabeth was coming back with her own names for him. Howard said the way they're talking they should be running mates. Elizabeth said that the only thing lower than his poll numbers are his balls in the toilet. Bernie said that her vagina is so dry that it squeaks when she walks.
Howard let Bernie and Elizabeth go back and forth for a minute. He said this is what Donald Trump wants. He said he wants them to tear each other apart. Elizabeth said that Bernie lost to Hillary. She said he can't win. They went into name calling again. Howard said this is a debate.
Howard tried to cut them of but they weren't hearing him. He said he may have to hang up on them. He let them argue a little longer. Howard said that's Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders. He hung up on them after that.
Howard said they were planning on taxing him. He said he liked Fake Senator Warren and Fake Sanders.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's only been listening to the show for 6 months. He said he's not sure what he was waiting for. He said he really enjoys the show and he can't wait for it every day. He said he spends a lot of time listening to them in his car. He said he's able to drive his car but he's disabled. He said he can get around in the car okay and he listens to Howard all day. Howard said it must get expensive doing that when you have to pay for gas. Robin asked why he's in the car. Howard said he listens to them.
The caller said he can listen on his phone too. Howard asked how long he drives around for. The caller said for hours. He said he lives out in the country and he looks for wildlife and listens to Howard. Howard said that's a great deal. He asked what kind of wildlife he sees. The caller said he sees deer, elk and other things like that. Howard said he must live way out there in Pennsylvania. The caller said he does.
Howard said maybe he should be an Uber driver or something. He said if he's driving around he might as well. Robin said he could be an Amazon driver too. She said she sees regular cars drive up to her house every day.
Howard said Ralph was saying that Trump ruined Amazon by making them use the USPS to drop off packages. He said now he can't get his packages. Robin said she was supposed to get something the next day and it showed up a day late. Robin said Amazon did stop using them for about a month and then started up again. Robin said they were supposed to get their act together.
Jason said that he thinks Ralph is half right about the post office. He said that they've had a deal with them for a long time. Howard asked why Trump got started with that. Jason said it has to do with the Washington Post being owned by Jeff Bezos. He said Trump isn't happy about the stories they write about him. Jason said he thinks that it all comes from that. Jason said that's why the Saudi prince hacked into Bezos' phone.
Robin said she once had a package delivered to her gate and not to her door. She said she looked for it at her door and it was at her gate instead. She said it's not even a locked gate. She said no one else has ever delivered anything there. Howard said don't tell his mother that.
Howard said he's going to drive around and look for wildlife like this guy John does. He asked if he's getting laid at all. John said not really. He said his wife gives it to him once in a while. He said she's kind of fed up with him. He said she rations out that pussy. Howard asked if she has given up on him. John said she has. Howard said that's why she's given up. Howard asked if she yells at him. John said once in a while she will tell him to give up the wildlife. Robin asked how many pictures of deer he has. John said he has a lot. Howard said no one has ever photographed that stuff. Howard said he's never seen a deer in the wild. He said he's not wasting his time at all. John said he just keeps them and gives them to his grand kids. Howard said he understands that kids love pictures of deer. John said they do. Howard said it sounds good to him. He let John go a short time later.
Robin said you learn all kinds of interesting things. She said that guy drives around looking at elk and deer in his car. Howard said if he was driving around every day he'd figure out a way to monetize it. He said even a tour of wildlife would work. Robin said he could have an American Safari.
Howard said this is Harvey finding a lost cell phone and trying to turn it into a sexual situation. He said it's very interesting.
Howard played the phony phone call and fake Harvey is trying to pick up the woman who picked up. He was telling the woman that she must be beautiful because her daughter is beautiful. Harvey revealed who he was and the woman eventually hung up on her when he was trying to get one of them to come pick up the phone. Harvey called back and said she's probably uptight about who he is but he said they were uptight. The woman said she was disgusted by him but Harvey asked her to testify for him. She said no way to that and said he's a disgusting man. She told him to get the fuck out of there and hung up again.
Howard said that was the mom of one of the guys who works for them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was thinking about this Meghan Markle and Harry thing. He said he believes that she is a witch and she has cast a spell on him. Howard said he might be right. He said that guy is giving up the cushiest job in England. The caller asked if Robin and her coven know anything about it. Robin said she has nothing on that. The caller said that's what a witch would say. Howard said he has to take a break. He said he has a bunch of stuff to play for Robin. He went over some of the stuff he had coming up. He said they have some Stern Show references coming up. He said they're showing up all over. He said it's all references to the show. He said they'll have all of that when they come back.
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Howard said he got a random shout out from Amy Schumer on Twitter. He said she put out a picture of Judd Apatow and him with her. Howard said she thanked them for helping to change her life. Howard said that was very nice. Robin wondered what caused her to reflect. Howard said he's going to declare today Howard Appreciation day. He said they should tweet about him.
Howard said Judd is 20 times more attractive than him in those pictures. He said speaking of Amy Schumer she used to date Kyle Dunnigan. He said Kyle has been there all week helping them out. He said you should follow him on Instagram. Robin said she'll do that.
Howard had Kyle come in to say hello. He said they must be hiding him somewhere. Kyle said they have him hidden back there. He said they have him doing voices for him when they have different things going on during the show.
Howard asked if he has a team of people working for him to do the Instagram stuff. Kyle said he just has a lot of spare time. He said he does it all. Howard said he dated Sarah Silverman and Amy Schumer too. Kyle said he's living with Amy and her husband for a while. Howard asked if he is working on her new show. Kyle said he is. He said he works mainly out of her apartment. He said he and her husband are bros. Kyle said when he got there they had maids and stuff so he felt so self entitled just after a few days.
Howard said it's weird to him that Amy has all of this stuff now. He asked how long he's been there. Kyle said a month and a half. He said they have an assistant and it's a very big place on top of the building. He said he has his own room and a marble bathroom. He said he and her husband bro out. He said they play chess and stuff. Howard said maybe he'll stop by. Kyle said it's kind of packed right now. He said it would actually be fun if he did stop by.
Howard said Amy is doing a show for Hulu. Kyle said he's writing for that show. He said he doesn't like writing. He said he was working on Sarah's show and he quit that to do Instagram. He said he was making good money but it wasn't his thing. He said that he went on Instagram and makes videos now. He said he got a big following there and now he has a lot of people coming to his stand up shows. Howard said that's some plan. He asked how old he is now. Kyle said he's 48. Howard said it might be time to figure out what he wants to do. He said he thought he was super talented and thought he was making money with Instagram. Kyle said he could do that this year. He said he has a show to pitch and he pitched one to Comedy Central last year. He said he likes performing better than writing.
Howard said he blew it with Amy. He said he could have had all of that stuff she has. Kyle said he already has it. Howard asked why he has him at her apartment. Kyle said he has a house in L.A. and he has a big mortgage. He said Amy wanted him to stay there. He said it's a really good situation actually. Howard said Amy is a good girl. Robin asked if he watches the kid. Kyle said he loves the kid but he doesn't baby sit.
Howard asked where he's doing stand up. Kyle said he's doing the Comedy Cellar. He said he does the Comedy Store out in L.A.
Kyle said he was doing cruises and he was getting famous for being bad. He said he went to the pool one day and got in disguise so no one would recognize him. He said he didn't have a lot of laughs at his show. He said after one show this lady came up to him and said he looked just like her dead son who had died a month ago and wasn't able to make it to the show. Howard said she was asking him to do stuff with her and he did them. He said then he could tell he wasn't acting like her son so she was getting pissed. He said he was doing rock climbing and didn't want to go higher than 7 feet and she told him to just go. Howard said before you know it you're living with her. He said he could do a movie about that. Kyle said she sent him pictures of them doing stuff together.
Kyle said he did one show for one guy. He said it was just one guy sitting out there. He said it was at a college. He said they sometimes don't put out a date and time for that stuff. Kyle said that more people showed up but it was more of a spectacle. He said he did one show where he was on a ramp and cashier registers were going. He said he doesn't do those anymore.
Howard asked when he writes with Amy. Kyle said he does a couple of hours a day. He said he gets the best food too. Robin said her husband is a chef. Howard said he can't cook all the time. He asked if he complains about it. Kyle said he sends the food back all the time. He said they get a lot of sushi and Chinese food there. Howard asked if he's getting paid to write too. Kyle said he is. Howard said Amy could tell him to just go to a hotel. Kyle said he's waiting for her to do that.
Howard said he's had a tough career. He said he should have stuck with Sarah. Kyle said he should have. Howard said he heard that he was dating Jackie Tohn. Kyle said he dated her like 10 years ago. Howard said he's like the Derek Jeter of comedy. Kyle said he dates up.
Howard said he heard the last time he was there he got into a feud with Whitney Cummings. Kyle said they did but they're great friends now. He said she was on a podcast with him and they asked if she would date him and she said ''Oh no!'' He said that bummed him out. He said a month later he was there and Howard asked if he would date Whitney and he said no way because she's not his type. He said he was in the gym with her and he saw her coming and she knew what he said and he explained why he said it as a joke. He said they're really good friends now. Howard asked if he would date her. Kyle said absolutely.
Kyle said he was trying to break up with this girl and Whitney came in and she gave him really good advice about how to do it. He said she told him to have two lines and you repeat it.
Kyle said his plan is to get married by the end of this year no matter who it is. Howard asked if he has done online dating. Kyle said he has but that didn't go well. Kyle had Howard ask him what he does on the weekends. Howard did that and Kyle said that she'd just say ''Coffee'' and trail off into a whisper.
Howard said how about dating Robin. Kyle asked if she's willing to change her last name. Robin said no to that. Kyle said that he loves Robin's laugh. He said it cures us all.
Howard asked if they have any rules at Amy's house. Kyle said he's in his room most of the time and tries not to bother them. He said they try to get him to watch stuff with them. He said he thought it would be weird but it turns out it wasn't. Howard asked how often the maid comes. Kyle said she comes a couple of times a week. Howard said he's afraid she's going to throw him out and he's going to be devastated. He asked if he has his own key to the apartment. Kyle said he does. He told Howard to come over and play chess. Howard said he must be good at it. Kyle said he's average but undefeated in the house. Howard asked if he can smoke weed in the house. Kyle said he can eat it. Howard said it sounds like a good deal to him.
Howard said he should just stick around in that house as long as he can. Kyle said he's supposed to leave in 3 weeks but he might just stay.
Howard asked for details about Amy's new show but he can't give details. Howard asked how many people they have working there. Kyle said there's like 12. He said she wants to be home for the baby. Howard said that's pretty cool. Howard said Kyle could write on a computer. Kyle said he really has to get out of there. He said it's like suspended adolescence for him. Howard said if anyone showed up to his apartment he'd have to taze them.
Howard said he ran into Amy out not too long ago and talked to her and her husband. Kyle said Amy loves Howard. Howard thanked Kyle for coming in. He sent him back to the office to come up with some material for the show.
Howard said Kyle told him a story about getting yelled at by Louis C.K.. He asked Kyle to come back in and tell that story.
Howard asked Kyle why Louis yelled at him. Kyle said he was very panicked about his show. He said he was working for the Cedric the Entertainer show. He said he joined it mid-season. He said he thought this was his big break. He said he had his own show at one point but it was around the time that Shock and Awe happened in 2003. He said Louis said he wanted to write a sketch with him. He said one day nothing was happening and he went to his office to ask if he wanted to write it. He said Louis was busy and he later called him out saying that he's not his boss there. He said he thought he was joking. He said he's still not sure what happened there. He said he has seen him since and he just says hey to him. Howard said maybe he just had a bad day. He said it doesn't sound like him. Kyle said maybe he took it the wrong way. He said maybe he was upset and scared and that's why he walked away.
Howard said Kyle is doing great now. He said he's living with Amy Schumer in her apartment. Howard said anyone who wants to bang Kyle at her apartment can DM him. Kyle said it's KyleDunnigan1 on Instagram. Howard said maybe you can bang him at her apartment. Kyle said that's the bonus. He said he'll give them a tour too.
Howard said he has a lot going on over there. He said he'd feel weird living in someone else's apartment. He said it must be cool being there though. He said she has a lot of celebrity friends. Robin asked if he's part of it. Howard said he just has to come out of his room. Robin said maybe they have him stay in there. Howard said maybe they do have a time limit for him to stay in there.
Howard said sometimes they send in fake names to mention on the air. He said this one wasn't them but they got the clip of a reporter saying happy 80th birthday to E. Norma Stits.
Howard said this was a good one. He said they brought out the wrong guest on the Bloomberg channel. He played the clip and they brought out a guy named Kevin but he was the wrong Kevin that they were supposed to have out there.
Howard said this clip is the best. He said this guy on an Oklahoma station was showing a zoo picture and they showed a gorilla. He said one of the reporters told her co-anchor that the gorilla looks like him. Howard said he has watched everything about this clip. He said he watched 5 anchors screaming about the clip. He said this woman must be a moron. Howard played the clip and they showed the gorilla and the female reporter said that it looks kind of like her co-worker. The guy said yeah sure. Howard said he was probably in shock. Robin said they didn't know what to do after that.
Howard said the next day she's sitting next to him on the couch and you have to see this. He said it's fucking crazy. He said she ended up crying and she was able to keep her job. He said that's quite a feat to pull off. He said comparing your co-host to a gorilla is something.
Howard played the apology clip. The woman was crying as soon as she was on. She said that she was sorry for what she said the day before. She said she hurt people and she understands how much she hurt people and hurt her co-worker. She said she would never do anything on purpose to hurt him. She apologized for what she said. Her co-worker accepted and appreciated the apology. He said that she's one of his best friends and it cut deep for him and for some out there in the community. He said words matter. Howard said yeah, words matter.
Robin said she would have said she didn't know that she was a racist. She asked where he saw this panel of people arguing about it. Howard said that was on the internet somewhere. He said it wasn't on that channel.
Robin said she would have told her that she's stupid and uninformed. Howard said he didn't follow the whole story. He said she still has her job so that's as much as he knows. Robin said she had to have done more than just say she's sorry. Robin said she's not crying about other people's feelings. She's trying to save her job.
Kyle came in and said that he's gay in every way except he doesn't like cock. He said he did take tap and jazz with his mother. Howard said maybe Amy thinks he's gay and that's why she lets him stay there. Kyle said he has heard that before and this girl he liked in high school thought he was gay too. Howard let Kyle go and said they just learned he's straight.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if the ape looked like the anchor. Howard said he did not. Howard said now this guy is trying to get him fired. He said the answer is no.
Howard said he's not sure if he wants to take a call from Mariann from Brooklyn. He said he's just not feeling good. He said he's not getting enough sleep. He said his head hurts. Howard took the call and Mariann kept it low toned. She said Beth is going on Rachel Ray and going to tape for the Kitten Bowl. Howard said she did that yesterday. Mariann said that he and Beth should do a watch party for 90 Day Fiance. Howard said he has to go. He said he has a headache. Mariann was talking about the great shows they have on TLC and going on and on. Fred played her off with some music. Howard said he can't believe he gave her a second chance. Mariann was still going on and on as the music was playing. Mariann asked if he saw the 60 Minutes with the animals. Howard said he didn't. He raised the music and tried to play her off again but Mariann was still ranting. Howard asked if she can't hear the music. Mariann asked what music. Mariann asked if she's still there. She was but Fred started the music again. Mariann said they'll never get rid of her. Howard hung up.
Robin said she wasn't giving up. Howard said he has to get to more stuff. He said he didn't play the Stern Show references. He said he has to end the show on time today though. He said he wanted to play those clips but he'll do it another time. He said they'll take a break and get to some news.
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Howard said he Prince should have had a will. He said now his music is being played on toilet paper commercials. He said he never would have agreed to that. He said he's speaking from the heart. He said now Prince is spinning in his grave with what they're doing with his music. Howard said Prince died in 2016 at the age of 57.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves Robin. He said his mother has hated his guts for years. He said he had to trick her into listening to the skit they did with the blind pornography thing. He said his 64 year old mother was in the back seat and she was back there dying and laughing her ass off. He said she asked if he could get her that in her car after hearing that. Howard told the guy to tell his mom to hang in there because they have plenty more.
Howard said they got a lot of feedback about the porn for the blind segment. He read through some of that feedback.
Howard said a lot of people think he has a problem with Oprah. He read through some of that feedback. People were saying he's just jealous of her. Howard had some positive feedback in there too.
Howard said he had a lot of email about Richard's crying over the Chiefs. He read through a few of those emails. Some people were saying that he's a fake because he's into the Eagles one year and the Chiefs the next. Howard said some people think he's a closeted gay man and he can't imagine why that is.
Howard said Bill Maher is going to sit in during the news. He spent a minute talking to fake Bill Maher about their new friendship. Howard said this is really Bill and not Kyle Dunnigan. Bill said he's staying at Amy Schumer's house too. Howard said Bill will be sitting in for the news. He told him to chime in when he feels like it.
Robin started her news talking about Pam Anderson marrying John Peters. Howard said he never thought she'd find another husband. Robin said she has been running around doing some strange things. She said she was hanging out with Julian Assange. Robin said they say that John first asked her to marry him about 30 years ago. Robin said she said no back then. Howard said back then everyone wanted her to marry them. He said he thought that guy was dead. Robin said he's thinking of someone else. She said that was the crazy Hollywood producer. Robin said this John Peters is 74 years old. She said they just got married this past weekend and it was a secret ceremony. Robin said he's been married 4 times. Howard said this is Pam's 5th marriage. Robin said she married one guy twice. Howard wondered how long this will last. Robin said she doesn't think it will last that long. She read about how John produced the movie ''A Star is Born'' with Barbra Streisand. Robin had a clip for Howard to play from that movie. Howard said Liz Taylor had 8 marriages before the end of her life. He asked if Pam will beat that. Robin said she's not sure about that. Fake Bill Maher asked if this is really news. He asked what's next. Robin had more on that story. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard mentioned that Fred is playing a show in the city this weekend. Howard asked if they're getting better. Fred said that he has some new guys playing with him. He said if you don't want to hear it then come out with an iPod to listen to your own stuff. Howard said that's an interesting way to promote. He said Fred is kind of like Sting. He said it doesn't matter who he plays with. Howard asked if this is King Norris. Fred said that band is gone. He said these are new guys. Howard asked what happened to the other guys. Fred said they have different lives and they've just gone their ways. Howard said it says the show is sold out. He said tickets were $10. He congratulated Fred on that.
Robin read a story about how they're warning people not to be alarmed if they see iguanas falling out of tress in Florida. Howard said he sees them down there. He said they put them up on Beth's Instagram. Robin said they like to sleep in trees and when they get cold they get paralyzed and they fall out of the trees. Howard said they're big too. He said some of them are bigger than dogs. Robin said these may not be but when the temperature dips into the 40s and 30s they pass out and fall out of the tree. Robin said don't think they're dead though. She said once they warm up they can crawl off to their next location.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to be part of his Howard Appreciation day. He said he wanted to compliment him. He said he has sleep apnea and he took his advice about just laying there with his eyes closed to fall asleep. Howard said that works and if you don't fall asleep, just sleep the next night. He said at some point you'll fall asleep. Fake Bill said ''New rule... no more picking up boring phone calls.'' Howard laughed.
Robin said there were some teams playing in a game in Kansas and the two teams ended up brawling. She said that the brawl was a surprise. Robin said one guy blocked another guy and that guy chased him down and took the ball and glared at him and then the benches emptied. Robin had some audio from the game where the announcers were saying this is bad. Robin said the teams went and calmed down and they went back out to play the last second or two of the game. She said they had to run another play before it was all over. Howard said that sounds like an exciting game.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to talk about how annoying Gary is. He said Gary was talking about the Christmas party and all of that. He said everything he does is so annoying. Howard said he has to stick up for Gary. He said he thinks he's interesting. He said he has a lot of opinions. Howard said he has come to parties and he loves to talk so that's a good thing. The caller said the jigsaw puzzles and things are so annoying. Howard said he can be annoying and he's with him on the jigsaw puzzle thing.
Howard asked what's the most annoying thing about Gary. Robin said that the talks a lot. She said that's also what's great about him. Howard said maybe it's the things that he writes about is annoying. He said his whole book did annoy him. Howard said Richard was in there telling him that Gary has a big nose hair hanging out today. Robin said Richard had a big booger on his nose the other day. Howard said that's up on their @Stern Show account. Gary said he doesn't see anything that enormous. Jason saw it and took a picture of it. The hair was in his right nostril. Howard said you have to trim them every week. Gary said he does do it every week. He said it's a nose hair trimmer. He called it a nail trimmer so Howard goofed on him about that. Gary said Richard wants to know if he can pull the hair. Howard said it might make him sneeze. Howard had Richard do it. Richard went in and yanked it out. It came out with one yank. Howard said put that on Instagram. Howard said Richard is supposed to make a wish. Richard wished that Gary would trim his nose hairs more. Howard said the hair is grey. He said that's disgusting. He told Richard to eat it and he did. He almost threw up after that. He said it's just the thought of it being in his nose. He asked why he did that. Howard said he was kidding when he told him to. Richard said it's tickling the back of his tongue now. Gary said he feels violated even though Richard did it. Fake Bill Maher said he wanted to thank him for having him in during the news.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked when Bill Maher became gay. Fake Bill told him to get this guy out of there. He said he just did it one time and now he's gay. Howard said poor Kyle. He said he thinks he sounds a lot like Bill. He asked if he can do a routine as Bill. Kyle went into a Bill Maher bit for a few. Howard said go back into character and they'll have him check in some more. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin mentioned that the Beatles song ''I Want You'' only has 12 words in it. Howard sang the song and tried to figure it out. He said it sounds like 50. Robin said it's just 12. Howard kept going with the song as a caller kept saying hello.
Howard took a call from a woman, Kelly, who said she has a theory about the Victoria woman on The Bachelor. She said there's supposed to be a twist ending and she's thinking she might be transgender. Howard said if she is he'll fuck her. He said he can't imagine she's transgender. He said that the twist ending is that all of the girls will wake up and figure out that they don't need to be married so young. Howard said Kelly sounds hot. She said she's Beth's age. She said that she met Howard once and bowed to him. She said she told Howard he's beautiful and Howard looked her up and down and said ''so are you.''
Kelly said that she also wanted to thank Howard for saying nice things about firemen because her father was one and he died of Pulmonary Fibrosis. Howard said her father was a hero. He said he appreciates firemen so much. Kelly said her father was a fan of Imus. Howard asked what kind of father that is. He thanked Kelly for her call. Kelly said she woke up the night he died and she had Howard's E! show on and that comforted her. Howard said she's pretty taken with him. Kelly said she loves him. Howard asked what she weighs. She said she's 5 foot and her boyfriend won't have sex with her anymore. Howard asked if she's heavy. She said he's paralyzed. Howard said he can't then. She said he can and she did it 4 years ago when he took Viagra. She said he can't feel anything anymore so it frustrates him. She said he used to do stuff to her but he won't anymore. She said that he's just depressed now. Howard asked how he got in the wheelchair. Kelly said he was in a motorcycle accident years ago. Howard said stay away from those things. Fred rides one. Fred said he's not doing anything wild on his. Howard said it's still dangerous.
Kelly asked if Howard has seen the show Don't Fuck with Cats on Netflix. Howard said he won't watch it. He said they kill cats on it. He said he can't watch that. He said Beth just went to a court case where they had some people on trial for abusing animals. He said he's not sure where they're at with the justice system.
Howard asked what she weighs. Kelly said she doesn't have sex now. She said it's not because of her weight. Howard asked if she's going to tell him. She said she was in a bikini when she met him and he said she was beautiful. She said they were out in Vegas. She said she was out there just for the show. She said she met Craig Gass out there too. Fake Bill asked ''how's the slot?'' Kelly said that she got to hang out with Craig while she was out there so she must be okay. Howard said he hopes her boyfriend goes down on her. He let her go a short time later when she told Robin she had a breast reduction like Robin.
Robin read a story about a woman who was unable to have sex with her boyfriend unless she was drinking. Robin said she said she drank so much that she'd pass out. Howard said how sad. Robin said she looked up the statistics about that and she found that 3 out of 4 women drink before sex. Robin said many women drink before sex because it makes them more confident and lowers their inhibitions.
Howard said a story just came in about Richard Christy catching the Coronavirus from Gary's nose hair. Robin said he deserves it if he does. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin was still thinking about how sad it is that women have to drink so much to have sex. Howard said you have to turn to each other and say the marriage is over at that point. Robin said some women say they have never been able to have sex without drinking. Howard said maybe it lowers the inhibitions.
Robin read a story about Meghan and Harry and how there are reports that they're going to sue Paparazzi after pictures of Meghan and her son showed up in the papers. Robin said they say that the photos were taken without her consent. Robin said that's what Paparazzi do. She said they are not going to win this battle and it's going to destroy them. Howard said it's kind of freaky when they have the telephoto and they're right in your bedroom. Robin said you keep your windows closed and the blinds drawn. She said as soon as they walk out of the house they get their picture taken.
Robin read a story about Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren's feud is not over yet. Robin said they say that it has spread to their supporters. Robin said that it may hurt Bernie's standings with women and her standing with men. Howard said they had them on this morning and fake Sanders called her a cunt like 5 times. Robin said it was more than that. Robin said Hillary Clinton was talking about how no one likes Bernie and he's a career politician who hasn't gotten anything done. Fake Bill Maher had some thoughts on all of that. Howard said he thinks he's going to call the real Bill Maher to talk about that. He said this one can talk about Amy Schumer's apartment.
Robin read a story about a Cleveland Police officer going to prison for urinating on a child. Robin said this guy recorded himself urinating on the 12 year old girl after trying to kidnap her from a bus stop last year.
Robin read a story about Carl Bernstein coining a new term for Mitch McConnell. Robin had a clip of Carl calling Mitch ''Midnight Mitch.''
Robin read a story about Tucker Carlson talking about President Trump and how it looks like they could lose if republicans slack off and don't focus on what they need to. Robin said he's saying that a lot of the people in his base have not benefited from what Trump has done while in office and they should be concentrating on that and making their lives better.
Robin read a story about the Coronavirus coming to the United States for the first time. Robin said there will be more screening for people coming and going from this country now. Robin said that virus is on the rise in China right now.
Robin read a story about Joe Biden getting an endorsement. She said that he has picked up support from the congressional black caucus. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:25am.
Today's show was over around 11:20am.