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Howard started the show talking about people asking about when they're going to hear about Brent's swinging. He said he had another agenda but he has a woman on the phone who got waxed and someone was inappropriate with her.
Howard took a call from Janet from Florida. She has called in a couple of times before. She said she had a Brazilian wax done a few years ago. She said she had never had one before this. She said this woman was waxing her and she never thought anything like this would happen. Howard asked if she was completely nude. Janet said she had on a bra but no panties. She said she was on her back with her legs open. She said it was very embarrassing.
Howard asked if Robin has ever had that done. Robin said not lately but in the past. Howard said he could never do that.
Howard asked what happened. Janet said she did the triangle area and then she went to the inner leg and labia. She said when she rips the paper off she puts her finger there to cool it down. She said she was using her finger like an ice pack. Howard said that makes sense to him. Janet said she presses down on it though. Janet said on the next one she does the other side and she's covering her clitoris with her hand. She said then her face goes down between her legs. She said then she starts blowing on it with her mouth. She said there was no blood but she was not happy. Janet said she looked at the woman and she kept going to the back. She said her hands were in her butt. She said she asked if this is supposed to happen and the woman said it is and don't worry.
Howard said he's not seeing inappropriate behavior here. He said they have to put their hands in there to get the hair out. Janet said she was doing it after she had ripped the wax out. Howard asked if she had on gloves. Janet said no gloves. Howard said maybe that is inappropriate. He said he's calling this normal though.
Robin asked if Janet has had a wax since. Howard said no. Janet said she has not either. She said it was too painful.
Howard said there's a lot going on down there. He said they have to touch your vag and your anus. Janet said she thought it was completely inappropriate. Howard said if she was massaging her clitoris then maybe something was wrong. Howard said Fred blows on his cock and that's normal.
Howard asked if Janet tipped the woman. Janet said she did. She said she went back in to get her nails done so it felt kind of strange. Howard thanked her for the call. He said he thought that was going to be better than that.
Howard said when Richard got his wax in there the woman was tugging on his penis. He said it wasn't sexual at all. Fred played a clip of Richard making odd noises during that waxing.
Mike asked if Mussolini ever spoke out against the Jews. Howard said he was a fascist dictator who was with the axis. He said they didn't have a history with the Jews like Germany did. He said they blamed illness on the Jews in Germany. He said it's what's going on today. He said people are blaming the Jews for so many things and the Jews have nothing to do with it. Howard said he has many Jewish family members who are wondering how they get in on this running of the world conspiracy.
Howard said they are doing the same thing with immigrants today. He said they blame them for all of the problems that they're not causing. Howard said in Poland they were good at killing the Jews. He said when Hitler conquered them it backfired on them. He said they had culture and an economy in Warsaw and after they killed the Jews off no one goes there for culture. Robin said they have death camps there now. Howard said they ruined their country.
Howard said there were no dumb Polish jokes before the war. He said there was jealousy there. He said Hitler blamed it all on the Jews.
Mike said that he was told by someone that it's no wonder Howard is a top selling author because he's a Jew and the Jews control the media. Howard said his dad was really looking out for him and helped him with that.
Mike asked if he's upset about this Alfred Pennyworth series that's not going to have any super heroes in it. Howard said he's going to wait to see it to see how it goes. Howard let Mike go a short time later.
Howard said that's enough of him. He said he took over the whole show with his questions.
Howard said he was trying to figure all of this out over the weekend. He said he has this guy who wanted to interview him and he wanted a copy of his book so they told him he had to send it out. Howard said he's not going to do that. He said everything was spiraling out of control. He said he's not sure what to talk about with the book so he had a million questions. He said he got into a whole bunch of phone meetings and that got him even more contused. He said today he has to get one person to do everything.
Howard said he was excited to do book promotion and he went from that to not wanting to do it. He said he doesn't want to do this stuff now. He said he wrote this book and he hopes people read it. He said he doesn't want to do this promotion. Robin said he said he didn't do it for this audience. Howard said it's for people who don't hear them every morning. He said he knows why he's doing it but he doesn't like the way it's going. He said he's spending all of this time in meetings about it. He said he's so fucking exhausted.
Howard said they're sucking the life out of him with this. He said he'll get out of there and do any show. He said he's having meetings about meetings and there are people who aren't in some meetings but are in others.
Howard said Bruce Springsteen isn't mailing out his own books. He said people treat him like a secretary. He said this is what he gets for writing a great book. He said he's going to have a meeting today that's all scheduled.
Howard said he has this all straightened out. He said he could wrap up the whole meeting in 5 minutes. He said he knows what to do and he just has to let everyone know what the plan is. He said then he can get to the press. He said he's supposed to be having a fun life.
Howard said every couple he and his wife know is streaming some show together. Robin asked what streaming is. She said it's binge watching. Howard said that's it. He said people watch shows in bulk. He said you used to wait for your shows. He said no one does that now. Howard said Netflix had a good idea with this binging.
Howard said he and his wife are out with couples and they'll mention a show they're watching together. He said his wife asks why they don't do that. He said Beth watched that show with the blind women who have to fuck guys. Robin said it's on Hulu. Fred said it's the Handmaid's Tale. Howard said he hated that show. He said his wife loved it. Howard said he tried to watch it but he didn't care about the women in the show.
Howard said Beth heard about a show on Hulu called ''The Act.'' He said that Beth was watching it. He said he's into it now. Robin said she's just getting into that now too. Robin said that Patricia Arquette is in it and she's great. Howard said she really is. He said she's so natural and relaxed. Howard said she reminded him of Kathy Bates in ''Mercy.''
Howard said his wife told him what it was about and he didn't think he'd be interested. He said they started watching the show and halfway through the show he said he was getting depressed and didn't want to continue. He said Beth wanted to watch on her own but then he said he'd go with it. He said he got through the first episode and got hooked. He said he sees how it brings couples closer together.
Howard said they were going to get some food and watch a bunch of episodes of this show together. He said they were going to watch 3 episodes. He said this was going to be fun for him. He said they were going to get some Chinese food and watch The Act. He said they got the food and they didn't bring the brown rice. He said they got the rice a little while later. He said he has to take a 10 minute break before watching TV. He said he ash to blast out a few after eating. He said his wife doesn't fart like that but he has to take a break and stay away from her for 10 minutes.
Howard said they sat down to watch ''The Act'' and he put in this sound and video system that's second to none. He said he doesn't spend his money on anything but he did with TV. He said he has surround sound and all of this other stuff. He said he has it all. He said he has this system he paid for an he's embarrassed about how much he spent on it. He said it's embarrassing. Robin said she hears him. Howard said he worked hard his whole life and he wants to be in that TV. He said he has a nice screen and all of this HD wiring and stuff in his home. He said he didn't cheap out on one aspect of this system.
Howard said you could build a border wall with what he spent on this system. He said he and his wife sat down and he went to his Apple TV and went on Hulu to watch the show. He said their menu is kind of fucked up to read. He said he had to scroll around to find episode 4. Robin said they screwed up their menu and it's hard to find things now.
Howard said the picture came up and there was no audio at all. He said now he's trying to figure out what's wrong. He said he has 2 full time guys working on this stuff. He said he wants to give away the name of the company he uses for this system. He said it happens every time. He said he has two guys who check it every day to see if it's working. He said it's Sunday and he has no sound. He said his wife starts giggling about it. He said that she's asking what they spent on this system. He said he had no audio on his Apple TV thing. He said he has TiVo and that worked but not Apple TV. He said whatever he wants to watch isn't working. Robin asked if everything was plugged in. Howard said the system is so complex he doesn't know. He said he paid this guy a fucking fortune for this system.
Howard said he has guys checking to see if this stuff works every day. He said he shouldn't have to keep his fingers crossed to be able to watch TV. He said this is a problem that guys with too much money have. He said they got sound all the time when he was a kid. He said now he has to go write a nasty note to the guy who put this shit in for him.
Howard said he went and wrote this letter to the guy and said he guesses that it's Sunday so it's time for the TV not to work. He asked the guy why the shit he puts in doesn't work. He said he paid a lot of money for this TV. He said this guy needs a reaming. He said he's constantly repairing this thing and getting repair men up there. He said he's writing his scathing letter to the guy and complaining about his stuff not working. He said the guy is a nice guy and he writes back that his clients are satisfied but he has his share of problems. Howard said he's the lucky one somehow. He said everything works but anything associated with Apple TV. He said it happens all the time with this stuff.
Howard said he brought in some guy who put in cheap cables and that's who they blame for that. He said he paid the guy a fortune. He said just get his fucking TV to work.
Howard said the guy said that he'd have a guy drive in and fix it for him but with traffic and everything it would be 2 hours or so. Howard said he doesn't get it, he has to be in bed and go to a job he has to work to pay for all of this. Howard said now they're coming this morning and by the weekend it'll be broken again. Howard said he was defeated. He said his wife left and went upstairs. He said he went to his office and watched something else on his iPad. He said he felt humiliated. He said the other thing he wanted to see was on Apple too. Robin said he could have a backup plan. Howard said it's all through Apple on his system. He said it all goes through that Apple system. Robin said that's dumb. Howard said he was yelling and screaming about book promotion and he was wondering if he's cursed. He said he writes a book and it's nothing but aggravation. He said he can't stop with this. He said he gives up.
Robin said she has so many backups that nothing can thwart her with her TV. Howard said he has to use his Apple system. Howard said he has backups. Howard said it was a complete system. Robin said that he's telling her that everything has to go through Apple. Howard said sometimes just don't bust his balls. He said he's at the breaking point.
Howard said he hires around the clock people to work on this stuff for him. He said he shouldn't have to worry about his TV. He said once in a while it may go out but not every day. He said he has to simplify. Howard said he has to down size. He said he's going to buy himself a little house. He said it's called a tiny home and it's really small. He said that's what he needs. He said maybe he should move into a teepee. He said that's probably what he should do.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he works with TV stuff like this. He said he knows what they might be doing that's messing things up. He told Howard what they could do. Howard said they're constantly rebooting things there. The caller said that Crestron system he's using is super flaky. He told Howard about the systems that he has installed and the things he uses are very easy to fix. Howard said he wishes his guy would go to jail with Jussie Smollett. He said he has had it with this guy.
Howard said he feels like he's working at NASA and they're going to the moon and they crash. He said he has two full time guys checking it every day and it still doesn't work.
The caller said that he will come and check out his system and he's sure he can help. He said he's better looking than those guys too. Robin asked if he thinks Howard cares about his looks. The guy said everyone does. He told a story about someone seeing his butt crack and Howard said he doesn't want this guy in his house.
Howard said he has to do something with this system. He said he just killed an hour talking about this stuff. He said he has to take medication for this. He said this Howard Stern Comes Again book better come out soon. He said he has to do promotion for it. They played a song parody about the book that Daniel Mendelson did.
Robin asked why they took the big poster out of the studio. Howard said he thought it would be great to have it in there so the book company sent one over that took over the whole wall. He said he was watching the app and he was watching Shuli talking and he sees his big head behind Shuli. He said it was competing with Shuli's head. He said people are going to hate him if they see that. He said he had to take it out. Robin said she noticed it was outside today. Howard said he wants it back in there. He said he just needs a place to put it. He said they'll talk about that later. Howard said they took out the giant Howard Stern Comes Again poster.
Howard said people are enjoying the app and this stuff they have on there. He said they recorded Tedeschi Trucks Band in the studio the other day. He said they did some great stuff on there. He said he was watching it and it reminded him of the Allman Brothers. He said Trucks is the son of Butch Trucks and he can really play. Fred said he's great. He said he's one of the greatest slide players ever. Howard said it's a throwback to when people could really play. He said they just jam out. He played some of their performance from the studio.
Howard said it's kind of cool to see. He said they have an exclusive from Tedeschi Trucks. He said they performed this. He said this kid Derek Trucks was a prodigy. Fred said he came up with his own style that's just killer.
Howard said you can see the two songs up on the app now. He said Gary said he watched it like 6 times. Howard asked if Gary had any trouble with his TV this weekend. Gary said he did not. He said he did watch the songs 6 times each. Howard said Gary thinks he doesn't listen to him but he does.
Howard said he asked Ronnie about the Cher show and he said he saw it and it was pretty good. He said he thought it was going to suck after the first 5 minutes but then it got good. Howard said he told him to save it for the air.
Howard talked to Fred Ronnie for a short time about what he would do to Cher. Howard said she's about the right age for Ronnie. He said that she's age appropriate for him.
Howard had Ronnie come in with his review. Ronnie said he enjoyed it because he's a big Cher fan. He said his favorite song is ''Turn Back Time.'' Ronnie said he wasn't really bored at the beginning but it seemed like it was going to be boring but then it blew up. He said he really liked the number 3 Cher in the play. He said that the first one was 16. He said the woman who played her was hot. Robin asked if they looked like Cher. Ronnie said yes and no. He said it was basically her life story in music. Howard asked if they had a song for when Sonny ran into the tree. Ronnie said they kind of joked about it and said he should have been looking where he was going.
Howard asked Ronnie if there was any thing about her son Chaz in the play. Ronnie said there was no mention of Chastity in the play. It was all Chaz. Ronnie said he was kind of checking in and checking out of the play. He said he got tickets right up front. He said Stephanie got them for him for Christmas.
Howard asked if he got boned up at all. Ronnie said they had some hot dancers but he wasn't boning up at all. Ronnie said there were a lot of women and gay guys there. He said he saw someone there he knew. He said it was kind of weird. He said there were two guys sitting in front of them and two guys were crying over a sad moment. He said that he didn't expect that. Ronnie said the show was really good. He said the guys cried and he didn't say anything. He enjoyed the show. He said it was really good. He said it went really fast. He said he's going to see Cher in May. He said he got his tickets already. Howard said Ronnie really likes Cher. Ronnie said Howard would like her too.
Ronnie said that bagel boy guy was someone that Cher never got over. He said every time they walked out of some place the Paparazzi was all over them and the guy couldn't handle it. Howard said he's sure Ronnie could handle it. Ronnie said he got where the guy was coming from. Howard said he was banging Cher and he had it made. Ronnie said he wanted her to retire from the road and stay home. Howard asked how many costume changes there are. Ronnie said there are a lot in the play and a lot in the real Cher shows. He said he saw her in Vegas and she did like 13 changes there.
Howard asked Ronnie if he was alone in a room with Cher would he fuck her. Ronnie said hell yeah. He said without a doubt he'd do that. Howard asked if he thinks she self lubricates. Ronnie said he's not sure about that. Howard asked if he would let her put on a dildo and fuck him in the ass. Ronnie said sure, why not? Fred Ronnie made up a song called ''I've Got Lube Babe'' about the dildo thing.
Howard said he heard there's a rumor that the guys are trying to get Ronnie to make a plaster cast of his penis and fuck himself with it. Ronnie said that was a long time ago. He said he said no to that. He said that's not cool. He said it's weird. Howard said they finally found something too weird for him.
Ronnie said Stephanie wanted to do something to him the other night and he wasn't into it. He said it was either Friday or Saturday. He said it might have been Friday. He said they had gone to dinner early and went to see Cher. He said they went to the bar and had some drinks. Howard said he has the lifestyle of a teenager. Howard asked what time he got home. Ronnie said it was 1:30.
Ronnie said he went to throw the garbage out and Stephanie got into an outfit and heels and stuff. He said she wanted to do stuff with the dildo but they never got to it. He said he was a little tired. He said it was a crazy weekend for sex. He said they woke up around 10:30 and did it again. He said they went to watch his granddaughter dance in a competition on Saturday. He said they went to dinner again and then they went home and did it again. He said they did it 3 times in one weekend. Howard said he's amazing. He said he has some libido. Ronnie said they're done for the month.
Howard said he heard about the guys going down to the Bahamas. He said they were down there for a wedding. He said Gary heard Ronnie having sex.
Gary came in and said they were going down to this party and Mary said she heard a baby crying. Gary said he was listening and it was two people having sex. He said it sounded like a murder. He said it went on a long time too. He said he told Mary that's what it was and she agreed. Gary said that it would be funny if it was Ronnie. He said he went into the party and asked what room he was in and it was the room next to him. He said Ronnie knew that he heard him. He said they got drunk at the pool and things got crazy. Howard said she screams so loud she sounds like a baby? Gary said she does. He said Ronnie is 69 and he lasts longer than he does. He said that they were going like 20 minutes.
Ronnie said she is so loud he has to put a pillow over her face. He said that's what he did there. Ronnie said the rooms have doors open and Gary hadn't checked in yet. He said he didn't know that Gary was in the room.
Howard said Ronnie might have to fuck Robin. Robin said she's not going to do that. Howard said he's got some life going on. Howard asked if she screams like that if he has his tongue up her ass or just fucking. Ronnie said she does it with both.
Howard said Gary could have been hearing them doing other stuff. Ronnie said he could have been. He said she screams like that with whatever he's doing. Gary said he never imagined that it could be Ronnie. Ronnie said things are great when they go away. He said they don't have dogs and cats in the bed with them or anything when they go away.
Robin asked if she still made that kind of noise when they realized that Gary and Mary were in the room next to them. Ronnie said they tried to keep it down. Gary said that they got back to their room and Ronnie was banging on the wall saying they were home.
Howard said Gary heard the proof that he knows what he's doing. Robin asked if she squirted that night. Ronnie said possibly.
Howard asked if Robin has ever sounded like that in her life. Robin said she's not sure. Gary said that he applauds Ronnie. He said he really does.
Ronnie asked if you're in a room and hear that does it turn you on. Gary said it turns him on but he has to talk his wife into it. Howard said Beth would be disgusted by it. Gary said they went to a hotel once and he heard this guy fucking the shit out of a woman in another room. He said Ronnie wasn't there that time. Howard asked if Ronnie gets out of breath at all. Ronnie said not at all. He said especially after a couple of drinks.
Howard said they have to talk about Ronnie's email address. He said it's inappropriate. He said it's so fucked up that they can't give it out. He said it's the numbers. Ronnie said it's just 6969. Howard said it's not only that. He said his name on there is associated with strip clubs. He said if he's giving Amy Poehler's publicist that email he can't do it. Howard said he should have a professional email. Robin said this is like the Playboy mud flaps. Howard said it's so inappropriate. He said Steve has been afraid to bring it up. He said he brought it to him and he said he'd bring it up instead.
Howard said Ronnie isn't the easiest guy to talk to. He said that's why he didn't come to him. Ronnie said he should have come to him. He said he wouldn't have said anything.
Howard asked where Steve is. Ronnie said he talks to him about everything else. Gary said he didn't think he'd take it well. Ronnie said if he explained it to him the way Howard did it wouldn't be a problem. Gary asked if he would be okay if he told him that it wasn't good for sending it out to people they deal with. Ronnie said he wouldn't have had a problem with it. He said just tell him.
Steve ran in and said that he can't give that email out. He said that he's started to help out with doing what Ronnie does. He said it just came up this week. He said someone wanted to email Ronnie and they gave out his email. He said he started laughing when he heard that. He said he just uses his phone number instead. Robin said you never know how someone is going to react to that. Howard said it's bad enough. Robin said they shouldn't have to worry about the email address. Ronnie said this guy can talk to him about anything but that. He said he talks to him about pussy but he won't bring this up.
Howard asked if he gives Steve advice. Steve said he spends a lot of time with Ronnie. He said he's a great guy.
Howard asked if Ronnie is in his prime now. Ronnie said no. He said when he was in his mid-30s he was. He said that Stephanie has seen the best of him though. Howard said imagine if he was still young like that. Ronnie said other people had the pleasure of that. Howard said they have to take a break and get to Brent. They played a song parody about Ronnie before going to break.
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Howard said Sharon Osbourne said she thinks that she was fired by Simon Cowell for being too old. Howard said that's what he was saying the other day. He said they're constantly firing women to replace them with younger women on shows Simon is on. Howard said Sharon is good on those shows.
Howard said he thinks Simon is so super fuckable that he gets to stay on these shows. He said he gets young girls on to give the shows some energy. Howard said they get rid of the older women. Robin asked if the ratings really change. Howard said no. He said it doesn't matter who is on those shows, the ratings don't change. Howard did his Simon Cowell impression talking about getting rid of those women from the shows.
Howard said it does give you a mojo when you have the younger women there. Robin asked how the women are supposed to get their mojo. Howard said Howie is there. He said he likes Howie. He said he's not bad mouthing him. Howard and Robin goofed on Simon a bit.
Howard said before he gets to Brent he should take some calls. He said he has to take another break before getting to Brent anyway.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she loves the show. She said she wanted to tell him that Simon Cowell is a dick and an asshole. She said he looks worse now. Howard did his Simon voice talking about getting this energy from having younger women on the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who complained that they weren't hearing about Brent's swinging story yet. Howard said they'll take a break then. He had Fred go right to break.
Robing said this is another guy who wouldn't have made it on American Idol. Howard said he looked like he had CP. Howard said he can do an impression of a guy with CP but no one wants to see it anymore. He said he'll do it for Robin but they won't show it on the app. Howard did that for Robin and said don't put that on the app.
Howard said trump did that impression of the guy with CP. He said he did a good job with that. He said it worked. Robin said he did get elected. Howard said when he runs for office he'll do that impression. Howard said he likes how Trump said he wasn't mocking that guy when he did the impression.
Howard said everyone is all sexed up for this story about Brent swinging. He said he may have built this up out of proportion. Howard said Brent and his wife Katelyn successfully swung over their last vacation. He said Brent wants to make sure everyone knows that it was his wife's idea.
Howard asked where Brent is. He said it would be funny if he had to go home. Brent said he was waiting for Gary to send him in. Howard said he had to do that with Gary because guys would run in there to get air time. He said Shuli would come in all the time.
Howard said Shuli is taking credit for this whole swinging thing. Brent said it has nothing to do with him. Robin said if you consider the timing it wasn't Shuli. She said that Katelyn had to heal. Howard said Shuli kept up the pressure and now they've done it. Brent said Shuli is just wrong about this. Howard said he'll tell him to stop taking credit then. He had Shuli come in to talk about that. Howard asked if Shuli still believes he's the reason it happened. Shuli said he thinks he may have helped fast track the whole thing. He said he did come in there and before that they were just holding hands. Brent said they say that when you do that other stuff they call it soft swinging. He said they were doing that. Howard said he didn't know that. Brent said that he was told that's what they call it.
Howard said Katelyn was feeling good because she got new titties. Brent said they're beautiful. Robin said she gets that she wasn't ready to do that with her burst implant before. Brent said now she's ready. He said the other guy was complimenting her on them too. Howard asked if he saw him fondling her. Brent said he did.
Shuli said he can't even take it when someone takes food off his plate. He said Brent is brave. Howard said this would make him insane. He said he worries that another guy would take her. Brent said that there's traditional love and marriage and he had to be honest with himself and his marriage. He said it doesn't mean that they love each other nay less.
Shuli asked when he realizes he's into this. Brent said it was many years ago. He said he figured out that when she would tell him stories about being with other guys he'd get turned on.
Howard said now that they've done this they have to find out what happened. Howard said Shuli would say that this finally happened. Howard said that Brent and his wife took edibles. Brent said it can be kind of freaky for anyone. He said even a guy like him. Shuli asked if he was afraid of tripping while this guy was banging his wife. Brent said that he was fine. Howard said he'd think he'd want all of his senses about him. Brent said marijuana heightens his senses. Howard said he can't do that stuff. Brent said sometimes you have to do that. Howard said he can't do that.
Howard said Brent went to a swinger's club with his wife. He asked if there are good looking people there. Brent said about 70 percent are good looking. Shuli said he imagines that the place is like a nudist beach. He said there aren't a lot of 10s running around. He said they all look like Brent. He said he'd joking. Howard said Katelyn wanted to find a guy who was fit and white. He said Katelyn woke up that morning and said she was getting laid that night. Brent said she was ready to go to the club that night. He said she got dressed up in a short green skirt with fishnet stockings. He said she had no bra and a white tank top. He said you could see everything. He said she took the skirt off at the club. He said it was just panties and a white tank top. Howard asked what the fuck is going on.
Howard said she wanted to fuck anyone but Brent. Shuli asked what Brent was wearing. Howard said he wore the same thing. Brent said he had a button down shirt and nice jeans.
Howard said they went to this club and there was an upstairs where people fuck and shower. Brent said the shower is more for having sex than cleaning up. Robin asked what they do downstairs. Brent said it's a nightclub with a bar. He said you can't get too crazy down there. Howard asked who knew these clubs even existed. Howard said the little rooms look like prison cells from what he saw.
Howard asked if Katelyn was the one who was picking people out. Brent said she did pick out a few couples and he went more toward this one couple than the others. Howard asked what the other woman was wearing. Brent said she was wearing a one piece dress on with no panties. Shuli asked what the dude was wearing. Brent said he doesn't remember. Robin asked how he knew she wasn't wearing panties. Brent said he was on the dance floor and put his hand up there. He said she was maybe 5'2'' with blonde hair and blue eyes. He said she was kind of thick like he and JD like. He said she had a bra on and she had her titties smashed down. He said when she was nude it was a different story.
Howard asked what Katelyn was doing. Brent said she was dancing too. He said the guy was trying to lead and she won't let him lead. She said she takes the lead and you have to follow her. He said that it took a second for her to get into it. Howard asked if he was watching her. Brent said he was and he was popping a rod. He said he was feeling this woman up and stuck his hand up her dress. Howard asked if people knew he was there. Brent said they heard it on the show and they were coming up to him saying ''fuck Shuli'' and things like that. Shuli said there's no way that happened. He said he doesn't believe that. Brent asked if he can get someone on to verify that and then punch him in the face. Shuli said he thinks he was just adding that to the story to make it more interesting. Shuli said if they're that involved then he deserves a thank you. Brent said he deserves nothing.
Howard asked if the woman was grabbing Brent. Brent said she was grabbing his cock. Shuli asked if he will demonstrate how he dances. Brent said he can't. Shuli did a dance for him instead. Brent told him to get away from him. He said he'll get some video when he's out.
Howard asked how long he was on the dance floor. Brent said it was about an hour. He said they were having a topless pole dancing competition. He said the guy she was with was also in that. He said he got on the pole and danced. He said the guy was more fit in the abs area. Howard asked if Katelyn is arm in arm with this woman. Brent said it's not like that. He said you're just talking and having a good time.
Howard asked how she did with the new boobs. Brent said she did really well and everyone loved her new tits. He said there was a girl who was a really good dancer on the pole. He said Katelyn didn't win.
Howard asked if the girl he was with was in that. Brent said she was hanging out with him. Howard asked if he was fingering her. Brent said he was just touching her. He said he was being light about it. He said you don't want to go too far down there. Howard said every time Shuli says something Brent looks at him and rolls his eyes. He said he looks like he wants to swat him like a fly.
Howard asked how you make the decision to move upstairs. Brent said it's all about what the woman says. He said she asked if he was ready to go up there. He said the woman was with another guy but that was not her husband. He said that it was her swinging partner. Howard asked where the husband is. Brent said that he has another girlfriend too. He said this whole thing was mind blowing. He said the guy went to get condoms while he headed up with the woman.
Howard asked if Katelyn was messing around with this guy. Brent said the two women were messing around while he was getting nude. Shuli asked how long they have the room. Brent said a half hour. He said you have to get in there and get to business. He said there's a sitting area outside that room. He said they have an attendant up there to change the sheets too. He said it's a white American dude. Howard asked if they bleach the room. Brent said they have a mop bucket. Shuli asked if there's any ventilation in there. Brent said there aren't windows. Howard said he's going to throw up thinking about the room.
Robin said they go into this horrible room and then... Brent said it's not a horrible room. Howard said the girls are on the bed doing stuff. Brent said they were making out. He said this other woman had a great body. Shuli asked if the woman showered at all after the dance floor. Brent said she didn't. Shuli said that there's no telling what was in there after that dancing. Howard said Brent hates Shuli.
Howard asked if the guys were all boned up. Brent said he was like half hard. He said the other guy wasn't packing bigger than him. He said he didn't have a bigger boner either. He said that he wasn't checking that out.
Howard asked if he's all manscaped up. Brent said he did clipper it down. He said the girl he was with was eating his wife's pussy. He said this was perfect. He said he's playing with her pussy while she's eating out his wife. He said the other guy is playing with his wife's tits and making out with her. Howard asked if it bothers him that it's not his wife that he brings with him. Brent said not at all.
Howard asked what's going on now. Brent said the other woman starts sucking on him after she ate out his wife. He said then the other guy starts eating out his wife. Howard said he'd kill himself. Shuli asked if there are any rules about what they won't do. Brent said they just have to use condoms. Howard said Brent is doing what now. Brent said she's getting eaten out.
Robin asked if Brent and Katelyn make eye contact. Brent said not at this point. He said he told her to come over here and then they're 69ing. Howard asked if the bed can support all of them. Brent said it was a full bed. He said it was fine.
Brent said then he sees Katelyn is sucking on the other guy's cock. He said this was early on. Howard asked what happened next. Brent said he gets up and puts a condom on. He said he put her in a position so he can watch what's going on with Katelyn. He said he fucks her from behind while he's watching. He said they set all of this up ahead of time. Howard asked what they're doing. Brent said the other guy was fucking her missionary to begin with. He said the guy was going to town. He said it was so fucking steamy. Howard said wow after hearing that.
Howard said Brent is doing this girl and the other guy is doing his wife. Howard asked if the other guy watched him. Brent said not at all. He said the other guy was putting her in all kinds of positions. Brent said he'd have to get in better condition to do that. He said that this guy was really getting into it.
Brent said the girl wanted to get on top of him so he let her give that a try. He said this woman was going to town on top of him. He said it was great. He said she was slamming herself on him. Howard asked how much time they had left. Brent said once Katelyn was done with the Cuban guy they had people banging on the door to tell them their time was up. He said the woman tells him he has to finish. He said he went as hard and fast as he could. Howard said he can't hold out that long. Brent said he thinks he could.
Howard asked where the Cuban guy finished. Brent said he thinks he finished in the condom. Shuli asked if he's afraid that there might be a hole in the condom and she might have little Cubans running around. Brent said she's on birth control so that's not going to happen.
Brent said they went home and did it 4 times that night. He said they had a fire and passion that they've never had before. Howard asked how the drive was going home. Brent said he was telling Katelyn how hot it was watching her. Howard asked if they got the number from the other couple. Brent said they did. He said he's sure they'll see them again. He said they've been in contact since then. He said that people who are into this stuff are cool about that. Howard asked if Katelyn was turned on by him fucking the other woman. Brent said she was.
Howard said the other couple rated Brent and Katelyn. He asked where they do that. Brent said they have a section of the site for that. Howard said they said Katelyn is a firecracker that can't get enough. Shuli asked if there's any worse compliment than saying that Brent is a gentleman. Brent said Shuli doesn't get it. Howard said they also said they hung on lick for lick and stroke for stroke.
Howard said Brent is a full swinger now. Shuli said he should thank him. He said he helped fast track them a little bit. Brent said not at all. He said that he should eat his crow and shut up.
Howard said they have to do this stuff together so they can't make calls without each other. Howard asked if they're going to wait a while. Brent said it's going to be a couple of weeks. He said they have a lot of other things they'll be doing.
Robin asked if they talk about this stuff before they go. Brent said they have long walks and talk about it all. Shuli said here was nothing about how good Brent was at fucking in that review. Howard said they did say that Katelyn was a firecracker full of sexual energy who can't get enough.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if here is a least sexy story than coming from Brent. He said the only thing worse would be Jason doing it. He said it's horrible. Howard said he did share that story though.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he wants to throw up. He said this is a cuckold based on that review. He said he's with Shuli.
Howard took a call from Balls who asked how they know that these people are clean. Brent said he's not doing a health inspection before. Balls asked if they contracted something if they'd be able to stop that lifestyle. Howard said he's bumming everyone out now.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if this guy starts spanking his wife's ass is he cool with that. Brent said it's all up to her. The caller asked if he can say to her he's not comfortable with it. Brent said the women can say they're not comfortable with something and the guys know to stop.
Howard took a call from AIDS who was calling in from the swinger's club. He had Chlamydia there with him at the club too. They had Anal Warts say hello too. It was the back office calling in with the impressions.
Brent said that Shuli's whole comedy act is about not getting laid. He said he's just jealous. Shuli said he had great sex with his wife this weekend.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Shuli is just a pussy and he doesn't get it and he's jealous. Shuli said not wanting his wife to get fucked by another man is not jealousy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the couple you fuck on Saturday is not the people you work for on Monday. He said you don't go into it to fall in love. He said the sex with your spouse is so much better when you go home. He said couples use other couples as toys. Brent said he has it right.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said this is the recipe for the end of his relationship. He said that he's going to wonder if his partner wants to fuck another person. He said this will end up in a diaster. Howard said some people don't understand how this can work but it works for some. Bobo said he doesn't think it can work and they're going to share numbers and hook up with other people. Brent said if it's going to happen it's going to happen.
Howard took a call from a guy who sad that you have this sex as just sex. He said you don't fall in love. He said they do more of a threesome thing but it's the same thing. He said that guys are easier to pick up but they will go out and find another person and do that.
Gary said that Benjy went to this club with a friend and they were watching people have sex. Gary said the girl Benjy brought with him ended up having sex with him but not with other people.
Howard took a call from Hard Swinging Brent who was telling Shuli to eat crow today. Fake Brent was telling Howard about how much he loves this hard swinging. He spent a minute with Fake Brent.
Howard took a call from Cuban AIDS who was calling in from that room at the swinger's club. He sounded kind of like Ham Hands Bill with the impression. Howard said Brent says he's just jealous of him like the rest of the guys in the back. Cuban AIDS said bullshit. Howard let him go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Shuli is a douche bag. He said that he appreciates what Brent has done. He said his wife has a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend and at the end of the day they go home to each other.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it seems like Brent's wife takes the lead on this stuff and he wonders if Brent is trying to convince himself that he's cool with this. Brent said he has a long history of doing stuff like this. The caller said he finds it hard to believe that people are into this kind of thing. Brent said each one of us does whatever it is that turns them on.
Howard said he's sure that he'd go berserk if he saw his wife with another guy. Brent said that's cool and he gets that. He said that you do what you're into. Shuli asked if he gets to feel up her new boobs. Brent said he'll ask her but she doesn't like being called a liar. Shuli said he never called her a liar. He said he believes every bit of her story. He said he doesn't believe Brent's side.
Howard asked Fred what he thinks of all of this. Fred said he could never do this. Howard said they didn't even like when Fred's wife was in a play. Fred said he got nothing out of that.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks about this. Robin said she's glad they finally got everything healed. She said that Katelyn had to heal up for a long time. Howard said this was a big game changer for Brent. Shuli said he's happy for him. Howard asked if he thinks about it often. Brent said he goes to sleep thinking about it. Howard said there you go. He said that's Brent the Swinger.
Howard asked what Ronnie thinks about all of this. He bets that Ronnie would swing. Ronnie came in and said he heard the whole thing. He said he commends him if it doesn't bother him but he could never do it. He said he has the feeling that she's going to get a cock in her and she'll get his number and things will go south. Brent said it would have happened anyway then. Howard said he feels it's test. Ronnie said that he could never do this. Howard said he could never even have another girl in bed. Ronnie said that's fucking awesome. Howard said if his wife was into the chick more than him he'd worry about that. Ronnie said nah, don't think about that. Howard said he'd be too afraid of that happening.
Ronnie said he was thinking about how Brent was watching the other guy bang his wife. He said he doesn't think he could do that. Ronnie said when you're with two chicks it's a different story. He said that he's not going to yell at Brent and say he's full of shit. He said he thinks he's taking a big chance with that relationship.
Howard took a call from a guy who congratulated Brent on this story. He said it doesn't compare to the interaction of Brent and Shuli. Shuli said they sit feet apart in their office. Shuli said the women call the shots in all of this. He said he didn't question his lovely wife. Shuli said he and Brent look similar. He said they're not attractive. Brent said he's way better than Shuli. Howard said Brent has been with a lot of women.
Howard said Brent is going to let them cover him at a swinger's resort in Florida but Shuli isn't allowed to cover this. Brent said he wants no part of Shuli being there. Brent said that they're working on who will be covering it.
Howard asked Ronnie if he would walk around naked at a swinger's resort. Ronnie said no way. He said he has been at a topless pool but that's about it. Robin said now that Ronnie has introduced his story about the noise, she's wondering if there will be some acting going on so they sound as potent as Ronnie. Howard said he's wondering if Brent's marriage will survive this. Brent said yes. Ronnie said Brent isn't the one who will leave. He said that she's the one who is going to leave. He said that if it happens he's going to be devastated. Brent said that's his opinion. He said this has all been talked about. He said if it happens there's nothing he can do. Robin said if a woman has sex with the same guy there will be emotions involved. Brent said she wants to switch it around so that won't happen.
Howard said everyone is handsome. He said they're all wonderful. Ronnie asked if the guys think about other women when they're banging. Brent said he does. Ronnie said he does. Howard said he doesn't. Ronnie said he thinks that Stephanie was turned on by the guy who played Gregg Allman in the play. He said that doesn't bother him if she was thinking about him.
Howard said when he's with his wife he's all about her. He said he doesn't think about anyone else. Brent asked if he's ever thought about anyone else just to finish. Howard said he thinks about how hot his wife is. He said he has dated other women and didn't think about fucking someone else. He said he's not bragging. He said why are you with someone if you have to think about someone else. Robin said this is what she's worried about. She said that the growth of intimacy isn't going to happen if they're doing other people. She said that he said it brought something back that was missing. Brent said that you do lose things over time but this brought back the sex like the beginning of the relationship.
Howard said he hopes his wife isn't thinking about anyone else when he's banging her. Shuli asked Brent if he thinks it's offensive to think about other women when you're with your wife. Brent said it's not all the time. He said it's just sometimes. Howard asked who he thinks about. Ronnie said it could be some lady you saw on the street. Howard said Ronnie is so sexed up. Ronnie said that's not all the time. He said Stephanie just had to put on heels and she was all he was thinking about. Ronnie and Shuli were arguing about all of that. Howard had to calm everyone down and take a break. Ronnie and Brent said that Shuli is the angry one but Ronnie was the one yelling about it. Gary said that they took a poll and they have 13 people back there who said they don't think about someone else while they're having sex with their partner.
Ronnie asked if Howard thinks about his wife while he's watching porn. Howard said no, he's thinking about the woman in the porn. Howard said when he's watching porn he's into porn. When he's with his wife he's thinking about his wife. Howard tried to calm everyone down again. Ronnie said he's not angry, he's happy as a clam. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he listens to Lithium, Coffee House and Ozzy's Boneyard. Robin said she listens to Lithium too. She said that seems to be her favorite right now. Robin said she likes the Beatles channel and Ozzy's Boneyard too. Howard said he listens to Alt Nation and the Tom Petty station too. Robin said she listens to the Pearl Jam channel and some of those others. She said she's not happy with Coffee House now.
Robin started her news with a story about Alex Jones who has a lot of lawsuits against him. Robin said some people are suing him and now he has to do depositions. Robin said Alex also said that 9/11 was an inside job. Robin said now he's come up with a defense and he says he has a psychosis back in those days. Robin said he now says he thought everything was staged. Now he's saying he knows not everything is staged. Howard took a call from fake Alex Jones who was calling in about his psychosis and explaining what he was going through. Fake Alex said there are some shootings that do happen but Parkland didn't happen. He said he was just handed a note by his representation who told him to say he had psychosis again. Howard asked about the moon landing. Fake Alex said that was faked as well. He had a warning signal going off to let everyone know they have a sale going on in the InfoWars store. Howard wished him luck with his case. He let Fake Alex go a short time later. He did a live commercial read and took another break after that.
After the break Howard came right back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin brought up Elon Musk who she's worried about. Robin said she loves what he has done but she's not sure what he's doing. She said he brought out a rap song. Howard said he likes that the guy is inventing rocket ships and stuff. Robin had some audio of Musk's rap song. Howard asked if he needs to be prepared for this. Robin said she hasn't heard it yet. Howard played the song and said it sounds like the rest of that shit. Robin said that can't be him. Howard said it's called ''Rest In Peace Harambe.'' Robin said he did a tribute to that ape Harambe. Howard said they contacted Harambe and he said ''Thanks but no thanks Mr. Musk.'' Howard said he agrees with him about Harambe. He said Steve Jobs never rapped. Robin said neither did Bill Gates. Howard said Warren Buffett is busy making money. Howard said Elon Musk is an outside the box kind of thinker. He said he could invent a transporter. Robin said they need one of those machines like they had on Star Trek where they figure out what's wrong with you with a scan. She said that's what she wants. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the rapper Nipsy Hussle being shot to death. Howard said he doesn't know him. Robin said he doesn't know much about the rap world and neither does Howard. Robin said he had some Grammy nominations last year. Robin said he was gunned down in front of his L.A. clothing store over the weekend. Robin said they are saying it was a gang related shooting. Robin had some examples of his music for Howard to play. That led to Howard playing some old DMX stuff. He was comparing the use of the N-word in two songs. Howard had another song that had just the N-word as the lyrics. Robin went through more of the story about Nipsy's death. Howard played more of the N-word song and said that's Fred's ringtone. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the NAACP image awards. Robin said Chris Rock was hosting and he was told not to make any Jussie Smollett jokes. Howard asked why not. Robin said Chris didn't listen to that. Robin had some audio from the awards where Chris was joking about what a waste of light skin that is. He said his career would be out of there if he had light skin like that. He said he'd be running Hollywood. Howard said it sounds like he's got something going on there. He said he might have a new bit in the works. He said he loves that man Chris Rock. Robin said Jussie was nominated for an award but he lost to someone else. Robin said he wasn't there for the awards. Robin said they have scrubbed his record clean but there's now a federal investigation into the D.A. who handled the case. Robin said she was watching Empire but then she stopped after all of this went down.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he would love to see Howard on Bill Maher's show. Howard said that could happen. He said the book company wants him to go on the show. He said they say it's good for selling books. He said he's not going out to California though. King said come on. King said he'll with him. He laughed. Howard said he's so silly. Howard said he could do Ellen's show if he went out there. He said he would do that segment where they have that guy on first. He said everyone there just wants to talk politics. He said there is a lot of political stuff in the book. He said he's not going to California though. Robin said he's talking himself out of it. Howard said Gary was saying to him that when Bruce Springsteen was promoting his book he only did one big interview. Gary said he'll call 6 months in advance and he's already booked. He said he only does one or two things when he's promoting something. Howard said he's doing CBS This Morning. He said he's not sure why but they only booked him on the one CBS show. He said he loves The Beverly Hills Hotel but there's a boycott for something. He said that George Clooney and Elton John are boycotting it for some reason. He said they had the Sharira Law thing there and then he stopped going there for years. He said he avoided California for years and now he can't go there if he goes back. Howard said he seems like the only one who boycotts it so he's not going to do it. Gary told Howard the reason for the boycott and Howard said he's back in on the boycott.
Robin read a story about Sharon Osbourne going off on The Talk about being fired from the X-Factor because Simon Cowell thought she was too old. Robin had some audio of Sharon talking about that. Howard said he loves that woman. He said she makes a good point about Simon being old too. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Rolling Stones who have to delay their tour because of doctor's orders. Mick is sick so they have to hold off. Howard said the guy is 75 and still going out and rockin'. Robin said Mick has said he's going to work as hard as he can to get back out there. Howard said they must have a social media company working for them. He said he kind of hates that. He said they were a lot cooler when you didn't know anything about them. Howard and Robin talked about how crazy it would be if Mick died before Keith. Howard said that would be something. Robin said he just has to stay home to receive some medical procedure. Howard said Keith smokes like 19 packs of cigarettes a day and he's fine. Howard said everything hurts on him and he's not sure how those guys are pulling it off.
Robin read a story about a guy who is in a coma with a skull fracture after being attacked in the parking lot of Dodger stadium. Robin said this happened near the end of a game with the Arizona Diamondbacks. Robin said the man was a Dodgers fan. Robin said they say a lot of fans are being attacked at the stadium. Robin said a fan was shot and killed in 2003. Howard said people are too dangerous. He said he'd never go to a baseball game.
Robin read a story about Mick Mulvaney who is the acting chief of staff at the White House. Robin said last week they said they were pulling funds for the Special Olympics and now Mulvaney is saying they're changing their minds and keeping the funding because that's what the people want. Robin had some audio of Mulvaney talking about that.
Robin said if Trump is really listening to the people then he'll stop saying he was completely exonerated by the Mueller report. Robin said people don't believe that's the case.
Robin read a story about President Trump talking about just closing the Mexican border completely if the waves of immigrants keep coming toward the U.S.
Robin read a story about Joe Biden dancing around possibly running for President. Robin said that a woman came forward and said that he was inappropriate with her a couple of years ago. Robin said he touched her shoulders and sort of nuzzled her hair and kissed her from what this woman said. Howard said that might be considered a soft swinger. Robin said there's some pictures of him rubbing another woman's shoulders. Howard said that's how he wants Fred to greet him every morning. Fred said he's got it. Robin said Biden was told about these accusations and he said that he had no memory of the incident. Robin said that is not a good defense. Howard said he is leading with the creep vote. Howard said he likes Biden but he shouldn't run. He said he's up there in age and you don't need that. He said he's almost out of gas himself. Gary said he's 76. Howard said he'll be like 79 when he's sworn in if he wins. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. She had clips of the accuser talking about her side of the story.
Robin read a story about Beto O'Rourke announcing that he's officially running for President. Robin had some audio of Beto yelling about how he's running.
Robin read a story about how Bernie Sanders is going around to different TV shows. Robin said he's talking about what would happen if the Trump administration did away with the Affordable Care Act. Robin had some audio of him for Howard to play. She had audio of another guy talking about health care.
Robin read a story about Elton John and George Clooney boycotting several luxury hotels. Robin said they're doing that because they are trying to send a message to the people of Brunei. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about how much he loves ''Hey now!'' and how much he misses Garry Shandling. He said he had a busy day yesterday. He said he had a lot of book promotion meetings. Robin asked if anything was resolved. Howard said yes but he woke up to a lot of emails this morning that he doesn't have time to read. He said he just wants to be told where to go on what day. He said he's getting there. He said he has 5,000 emails in his box. Robin said they don't bother Queen Elizabeth with that kind of stuff. Howard said he'll get there some day.
Howard said it's not going easily. Robin said she has not observed any of this. Howard said it's best she hasn't. Howard said he has to stop caring so much. He said people just get people to places and they don't trust that they can get there. He said he's too involved. He said he has to be treated like a cave man. He said he'll try tuning out and shut his mouth. Robin said he could ask for a list of things they want him to do. Howard said he has that too. He said he'd like to be treated like he's on the spectrum or like a slow adult. Howard said they have to treat him like they have to carry him to the interview.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to have them create an itinerary and cross off what he doesn't want. Howard said they did that but it's the execution that's not going well. He said he can't get them to CC his assistant.
Howard said his assistant has to know. Robin said she should be in touch with them. Howard said he can't get people to comply. Robin said that's ridiculous. Howard said everyone wants to feel like those people aren't important. Robin said he hasn't given over that task. Robin said that's like them telling him he has to mail copies of the book. Howard said that's right. He said he was telling them he doesn't mail books. He said that's their job. Howard said he doesn't even have a copy of the book. He said he's not sure where he's going to get one.
The caller asked if he was ever kind of done with the book and he had to go back and edit. Howard said a hundred times. He said he wrote this book over 2 years. He said he would do an interview and they'd tell him he had to include something. He said people will enjoy the book. He said if he could just get through this promotion he'd be good.
The caller said he has nothing to read over his vacation so if he's mailing out copies he'd like to read it. Howard said you can pre-order it. The caller said he did that already.
Howard said Hung Handsome Howard also wrote a book. He said that's him fight a big cock and really handsome. He said he wants to congratulate him on the book. Howard took the call from Hung Handsome Howard which was clips of himself that they had pre-recorded. Howard went through the script with himself asking questions about the book Hung Howard wrote. He said things come easily to him and he has all of the people who want to interview him in his living room. He said they all come to him. Oprah was even there. They had clips of Oprah talking to Hung Howard. He had clips from the audio book where a woman was moaning. Hung Howard said that was Meryl Streep.
Howard asked if Hung Howard reveals anything embarrassing in his book. Hung Howard said he has been telling people he has a 9 inch penis but it's actually 10. Howard said he's so jealous of him. Hung Howard said Kate Beckinsale is blowing him right now. He said he loves life. He said goodbye to Howard calling him shrimpy dick. Howard said he's so jealous of that guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how many titles he went through before he came up with Howard Stern Comes Again. Howard said there were a million. He said he had a memo with all of them on it. He asked Gary to have someone look that up. He said at one point he had 56 titles. He said that one was the best of course. He played a song parody about the book.
The caller said he'd love to see a Tan Mom puppet. Howard said they discussed that. He said it takes months to create them though. He asked if there is one in the works. He said Shuli could work that puppet because he does her voice so well. Howard said they are thinking about doing other puppets. Fred played some Tan Mom clips and Howard had some fun with that.
Howard played audio of Mad Dog going off on these schools who didn't accept his daughter. Howard said he was really embarrassed by his SAT scores and he even took the practice tests. He said he got stupider as he took those.
Howard got back to the clip and Mad Dog was talking about his daughter's board scores and how she was wait listed at BC and Holy Cross. He said she has far better qualifications than the wait list. He said they called them up and they said they didn't like her essay. He said it's ridiculous. Howard said it's really not. He said they didn't like the essay so that's it. He said it's over. He said they don't get to go to BC.
Howard said Mad Dog is taking it like it's him and not his daughter. He said it's not about them. He said parents take it so seriously. He said he was thrilled when his kids got into school and graduated but he was happy for them. He said they were so much smarter than him. He said he was happy his DNA didn't ruin them.
Howard played more of Mad Dog's rant about his daughter. He said his daughter wants to rewrite her essay but he told her not to. He said they're not going to go back to BC if they turned her down. Mad Dog brought up a point shaving scandal there at BC. Howard said that was back in the 70s if he remembers. He said Mad Dog sees everything through sports goggles.
Mad Dog said he's not going to reapply his ass to those schools. Howard said he has to get a hold of that guy. He said he's saying he's not going to reapply. He said it's his daughter. Mad Dog said they can go to hell. Robin asked if he wants her to go to any college. Howard said maybe community college is in the future.
Howard said she was also rejected from USC. He said he really went nuts about that. Howard said he loves Mad Dog but he has to get out of this dad business and let his daughter do her thing. Howard played more of the audio of Mad Dog going off on USC.
Howard asked what his accent is. He said he says dollars funny. He said he's all fired up. He said he's going to have to have him on the show to talk to him about this.
Howard played more of Mad Dog ranting about USC. He was questioning Mad Dog about stuff he was saying and asking why they applied there if he's so against them.
Howard said he is on fire. He asked where he went to college. He said he was screaming so much he was yelling about Manila envelopes and he was calling them vanilla envelopes. He played that clip next. Gary said Mad Dog went to a college in Florida. Mad Dog said his daughter went to get the mail on Monday and there was a big ''vanilla envelope.'' Howard said it's a Manila envelope. He said he really has to have him in there.
Howard said they're never going to let his kid in now that he did this. He said this isn't going to change their mind. Robin said this is using the bully pulpit.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they were listening to Mad Dog or Sour Shoes. Howard said people really think life is unfair. He said that if you're borderline and you can write an essay with passion then you might get in. He said it has to be something that sparks the interest of the admissions person. He said it has to resonate in what the school is looking for. He said it can separate you from the masses. Howard said you accept the rules.
Howard said he would hear so many radio guys complaining that they were being held back by management. He said they thought he was lucky that he got to talk. He said he was proving himself and getting ratings. He said he used to have to play records too. He said no one liked him. He said people don't like him. He said he doesn't give a fuck... He said he actually does but he's pretending. Howard said no one ever gave him anything.
Howard said to get into college you have to write a good essay. He said he knows guys who are billionaires but they went to Adelphi. He said imagine the shame of going there. Fred played a Game of Thrones ''Shame!'' clip. Howard said you don't want to go around bragging that you went there.
Howard said he went to Boston University and he was shamed when he went to some of the classes he took. Howard said he had to wear a helmet in class. He said he went there and it was a total hail Mary. He said they sat down and explained that if you took basic studies and took everything you took in high school and managed to do well they would let you in regular Boston University. He said it was humiliating. He said they had drool cups on each desk in that class. He said they knew what was going on.
Howard said he really put his gigantic nose to the grindstone and worked his ass off. He said he got into the school of communications and worked his balls off to graduate. He said he could never get into any other school. He said it was for idiots.
Howard said there were different things he could have been in but he had to go to basic studies. He said they had a guy who mastered in macaroni art. He said his father was paying for this and he had to work hard to do well. He said he was traumatized by the whole thing.
Howard said he didn't get what he was doing in school. the caller said his high school mascot is Hill Billies. Howard said thanks to the caller and let him go.
Howard said Mad Dog has to calm down with the vanilla envelopes. He said he might have to talk to him personally. He said he has to straighten him out with going off on the schools. He said he loves that man. He said he loves that rap but he's not sure his kid will.
Howard said everyone with these colleges. Robin said they start in pre-kindergarten now. She said you have to get into the right one to get into Yale. Howard said he's telling you right now with peace and love...
Howard said his kid will get into a good school. He said don't worry about it. He said everyone is so worried about college.
Howard said the caller is not correct about that. He said he did like that interview but it's not the one he thinks was the best. Robin said she's not sure who is in the book and she's not sure how far back it goes. She said it's almost like choosing from the world of 7 billion people. Howard said it was actually Chubby Checker. He was joking.
Howard took a call from a woman who said they were talking about college but you don't need it. She said there are a lot of jobs that you don't need a college education for. Howard said she's 100 percent right about that. He said he knows a guy whose son dropped out of high school. He said he wanted to be a plumber. Howard said he kid went off and did his apprenticing thing and realized he hated it. He said he tried it for a year or two. Then he went and did the electrician thing. He said he got his license for that and then before you know it he was hiring electricians to go work for him. He said this kid is making serious money. Howard said college is great but it's not the be all and end all.
Howard said college gave him 4 years before he had to go out and get a serious job. He said that's what it did for him. He said he was immature. Robin said it's a nice place to land for a few years. He said he enjoyed Boston University.
Howard said it's great if your kid wants to go but they don't have to. The caller said they can't find bricklayers. She said they can't find anyone to do that. Howard said a lot of Italians would come over and do that years ago. He said they can't find anyone now. He said no one wants to lay stone. The caller said they don't want to work hard so they end up quitting. Howard said Ellen Degeneres dropped out. He said there are a lot of drop outs who did very well.
Howard said everyone finds their path. Robin said it doesn't guarantee success if you go to college. Howard said Richard Christy skipped college and now he gets to drink wine through his asshole on national radio.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's been studying psychology stuff and parents have to let their kids just do things outside. She said they get stressed from doing so many things to get them into college. She said it's like a college arms race and it's killing them. Robin said the thing that kids have is a play deficit. Howard said he knew a guy who was a tremendous artist as a kid and his parents stopped him from doing it. He said his parents were afraid he was going to want to do it for a living. He said he knows another guy who drew as a kid and he became a master artist and now he can't pay his rent.
Robin said they used to pass down kid's games but now they don't do that. She said they have to teach kids how to do those things now. Robin said they don't get out and play on the playground.
Howard said Adam's note said that for his birthday his buddy got him a personalized High Pitch Erik message. Howard said that's what a man who has everything wants. He said he didn't have a High Pitch message. He said he saw that Katie Couric is doing those message. He said that Erik is getting $75 to do those messages.
Howard read the note from Adam and Erik had no idea it was for him. Howard had the clip of Erik doing his greeting. Howard goofed on Erik's voice. Erik didn't know it was for Adam Levine.
Howard said his name is all over Erik's bio on that site. He said he wants to be clear that he's not making money off of Cameo and Erik's messages. He said Erik is even wearing a Sirius cap and things like that.
Howard said here are a lot of famous people on that Cameo thing and they must be poor. He said Katie Couric asks for $400 to do a message. Howard said anyone who has anything going on can't be on there. Howard said Walter Cronkite was never on anything like that.
Howard said Tan Mom is on there. He said you don't want to be on the same thing as Tan Mom. Howard asked who else is on that service. Gary said Norm MacDonald is on there and he gets $150. He said Dr. Drew is on there. Gary Busey is too. Howard asked what he charges. Gary said he gets $325. Howard asked what the cut is. Gary said he thinks Cameo takes 25 percent.
Howard said he wants to know what they get if they take a 25 percent cut. Gary said that Perez Hilton is $27.99. Howard asked if Erik gets more than him. Gary said according to them he does. Gary said Pauly Shore gets $150. He said Flavor Flav gets $250.
Howard said the Real Housewives are all on there too. Howard went through some names with Gary and Robin. He had a list of names and Gary said Gilbert Gottfried gets $150. He said Lance Bass is $199. Howard said that's kind of cute not making it 200. Howard said Ruth Buzzy gets $150. Robin said she kind of gets that.
Gary said that Brett Favre is on there. He said he doesn't get why he's on there. Howard said High Pitch Erik shoots at a really unflattering angel. Howard asked what Anthony Michael Hall gets. Robin said $100. Howard said it's $200. Howard said Caitlyn Jenner asks for $2,500. Robin said she's getting on there if that's what she can get. Howard said Bella Thorne gets $150. Gary said Stormy Daniels is $300.
Howard asked what Corey Feldman is. Robin said it's got to be a weird one. Howard said it's $122. Gary said he must have done the math and figured he'd get $100 even. Howard said Michael Vick is $1000.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that her fiancee got one of those Cameo messages for her to propose to her and Erik messed it up. She said he didn't get through the whole thing. She said she has the video that she can send into them. Howard asked her to do that for them and he'll play it.
Howard said he's surprised Erik has time to do the messages. He said he's into this Facebook and Instagram thing where he's threatening suicide every day. He said that he's making the threats showing pictures of scissors and things. EH's threatening to starve himself too. Howard said he thinks what he's doing is to get people's sympathy. He said now he's threatening not to wear his CPAP machine and sleep on his back. Robin said that's what the Elephant Man did.
Howard said Chris Wilding got really alarmed and reported all of these things to Instagram. Robin asked if he got thrown off. Howard said they said they don't violate their policies. He said if you show your tit they'll throw you off though. He said that's crazy.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she would never do those messages for money. She said she does that stuff for free. She said it's not her dollar to take. She said it's 42 more days until the book release. She asked for a breakdown. She said she's trying to have a conversation with him about this. Howard said he can tell she's restrained. Mariann started to get worked up so Howard hung up saying he doesn't know what she's saying. Howard said he did tell these guys not to burn him out on interviews. He said he wants to be told what shows to do that sell the most books and he'll do them.
Howard said his Apple TV was working all along. He said then it stopped working and now they say it doesn't work because his system is old. Gary said he's calling bullshit on this. He said it sounds crazy to him. Howard said he has to read it to him. Howard found the email from this guy and said he knows this is all bullshit. He said he has 100 emails about the book promotion. He had to read through stuff to find the email he was looking for.
Howard said he can't find it. He said Jon Hein was telling him that these expensive units are too much. Jon came in and said that 10 years ago you needed a Crestron. He said you don't now. Howard said he can go around the house and watch stuff that he paused. Jon said you can do that with anything now. Howard said everything is on one remote. Robin said she can too and she doesn't need that. Howard said all he knows is that none of his shit works. He said it never worked right when it was new. He said the guy said there was a connector that they can't get anymore or something. He said they took a connector from his PIC system and now that doesn't work. He said he hates that system anyway. He said the movie companies send you movies over that. He said they sent him Shazam. He said they sent it that way so no one can duplicate it. He said it's sent digitally. He said they have his name all over the system. He said his name is huge and printed across the screen.
Howard said he will not watch any of these movies on that screen. He said that he wants to see that movie but he will not watch it with his name all over it. Howard said he can't read the subtitle if they have his name all over it. He said just put a number on the screen or something. Jon said they don't even have to do that. He said they can trace that stuff easily. He said he's not sure why they want to piss him off. Howard said he's going to wait for it to come out on iTunes and he'll buy it. He said he's not going to watch it with his name across the movie the whole time. He said they say he'll get used to it. He said that's bullshit.
Howard said the filmmaker doesn't want him to see the movie like that. He said he tries to show off with that stuff sometimes and then his name is all over the movie. He said they ask to see it and then he puts it up and his name is on it.
Howard said every time he wants to watch TV it doesn't work. He said he has people over at his house and it won't work for him. He said if he's lucky enough and it works everyone sits down to watch it and then his name is all over the movie. He said it's embarrassing. He said being famous used to be great. He said now it's humiliating.
Robin asked why he didn't go to TiVo and watch whatever it was he wanted to watch. Howard said he didn't think of it. He said he gets cock blocked every way possible when he tries to get into it. Howard said this is just his equipment not working. Robin said it has never worked.
Howard said Jon has a full head of hair on TV. Jon said they use Topics on his hair. He said they stick to the real hair and it looks very natural. He said it's like putting pepper on. He said it's reasonably priced too. Howard asked why he cares about this appearance there but not at work there. Jon said it would take a lot of time. He said no one has really commented on it there. He said he would have to wear it every day and he would rather not do that. He said he's hoping to distract people with the beard instead.
Howard said he has to take a break. He gave Jon some plugs and went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he has some clips to play of Katy Perry. He said this is Luke Bryan tuning a guitar and a string broke. He said Katy's reaction fascinated him. He said she has a way of sucking all of the energy out of the room. He said she starts yelling and screaming and carrying on. He said Lionel just shut down.
Howard played the clip where Katy yelled about the string breaking and saying that's her biggest fear. Howard said he had a fear that they'd do that kind of thing on America's Got Talent when he was on the show. He said Howie was kind of a big personality and he'd do stuff like that. Howard said he just wanted to stay in his dressing room and just do the show. He said they didn't hire him to hide in his dressing room though so they'd ask him to do stuff with the other judges.
Howard said it wasn't his thing to do that kind of stuff. He said he just wanted to judge. Howard said it was just too much. He said he gets berserk when he sees Katy doing that on the show. He said it's like PTSD when he sees that. He said he couldn't work with Katy Perry. He said it's fine that she wants to yell and scream but he can't deal with that. He said he doesn't know anyone in real life who reacts like that.
Howard said Howie Mandel wanted him to do stuff like that. He said he had notes on the show and he would bring them in and Howie saw that and he came up with his own big bag full of notes. He said he had to pull Howie to the side and talk to him about that. He said he was the brunt of his joke. He said he doesn't play like that. He said that he's fucking nuts and he will unleash holy hell on you. He said that Howie said he gets it. He said they worked together just fine after that. Howard said he told him not to goof on him. He said he has a thin skin and he will fuck you up. He said he didn't want that kind of relationship with him. He said he would have sneezed on him every night. He said he would have put Ebola in his dressing room. He said they came to a quick understanding about that stuff. Howard said they had a nice working relationship. He said he had hijinx with Heidi and Mel instead. Robin said she can't stand on American Idol that they make you think the judges have a relationship. She said you know they don't.
Howard said Lionel Ritchie puts up with it. He said he has money but he wants to be relevant. He said the guy doesn't have a wrinkle on his face. Robin said she's not sure how that happened. Howard said he knows. Howard said Katy Perry had 4 writers on that song ''I Kissed a Girl.'' He said when she won a Grammy they had so many people eon stage it almost collapsed.
Howard said they had 5 writers on the song ''Roar.'' Robin said her name is still there though. Fred said he thinks that it's a lift of another song. He played the ''Roar'' song first and then the other song by Sara Bareilles called ''Brave.'' Howard said they sound the same. Howard asked if she sued. Fred said he's not sure. Howard said that song took 5 people to write it.
Howard said he noticed that during a live show in 2018 there was a good looking guy on the show and Katy was talking about getting a lock of his hair for her mom. Howard played that clip next. Howard said there's no way he could work with her. He said that he wouldn't know what to do around that.
Howard said everything is about Katy on that show. He played another clip of Katy yelling about how she has to call her mom and makes a call to her and gets a full voicemail box.
Howard said she's so loud and that guy Luke Bryan has mastered reacting to that stuff. Howard said her personality is a boner killer. He said he's not sure how Orlando Bloom handles that.
Howard said he has more clips from American Idol. He said the new Bachelorette was on Idol. He said maybe he should leave Katy alone. Robin said she can't watch it. She said she has to go. Howard said he'll play one more. He said a contestant's boyfriend proposed to her and Katy made that all about her by balling. Howard said he's not sure how he would react to that.
Howard had fake Katy on the phone reacting to all of that. She was crying and asking if they were talking about her. Howard said they are because she's such a big personality. Fake Katy kept crying over what they were saying about her.
Howard said he's not right for those shows. He said he did it but you really have to be into it. He said you have to have a big personality. Robin said you have to be Rip Taylor every day. Fred played a Rip Taylor ''Hello Frisco!'' clip. Howard said that kind of thing just isn't for him. He said he always felt awkward on America's Got Talent when hijinx were afoot. He said he didn't know what to do with himself. Robin said you're supposed to join in. Howard said they told him that. He said Howie jumped out of a cake and he put on a party hat for that. He said he did join in on that. He said when he did react they'd cut it out.
Howard said Howie would have a sash on or something and you just don't know what to do around that. He said he didn't know what to do so he put that party thing on and that was him being a team player. He said he figured he looked like a witch. He said that made him look even worse.
Howard said he was a buzz kill when he was on the show. He said it's good he's gone from there. He said he doesn't get to edit the show either. He said he was surprised they got rid of Heidi and Mel. He said they went along with everything. Robin said they weren't problems. Howard said Heidi is a party. He said she's up for fun.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he has a lot of show to get to. They went to break after that.
Howard said he's trying to think of what the opening line is. Fred told him what it was. Howard said he's heard these songs a million times and he doesn't know what the lyrics are. He said he thinks being Robert Plant is difficult. He said it's tough to know when to come in singing.
Howard said he wouldn't know where to jump in. Robin said you have to just let things start happening. She said you just noodle around with something. Howard said he's too self conscious to do that.
Howard said they have to get down to the business at hand. Howard said someone asked him about the titles he had in mind for the book. He said some of the titles were Howard Stern Comes too Fast, Dianetics Part 2, Howard Stern Still Masturbates and Mein Cock. He said he's sure that would have worked.
Howard said he has to get to the Underdog Lady part 2 thing. He said a lot of people loved the first part. He said that they call her Underdog because of her obsession with the cartoon Underdog. He said she goes around making hand made costumes and creating dances in parades. He said she designed and sewed her costumes.
Howard said that Underdog is so fascinating. He said that he's most fascinated by her. Howard asked Robin who she's most fascinated by. Robin said she has to be right up there because there's so much going on there.
Howard asked Chris and Shuli if they want to come in. He said one of the things he loves about Underdog is her passion for fictitious characters. Howard said she is passionate about Dracula and Underdog. Howard said she'll yell at Shuli over calling Dracula by the right name of Vlad the Impaler. Shuli said she loves schooling him on the things she's passionate about.
Howard said Underdog loves Vlad the Impaler. Shuli did his impression of Underdog talking about that. He said she's shot out of canon right away. Howard said she spent over and hour talking about him with Shuli. He said they edited it down. Howard played a clip of Underdog talking about the history of Dracula. She was talking about how people made fun of her through her life. Shuli said people still fuck with her and they're proud of it. He said they call him bragging about it. Howard said she always thought he was goofing on her but he really wasn't. He said a lot of people do goof on her.
Howard said she gets mad at children at parades because their costumes aren't accurate. Chris said they're historically inaccurate according to her.
Howard said Underdog came up with a dance back in the 70s and she thinks someone stole it from her. Howard played a clip of Shuli asking her about that. Underdog said that she did a dance version of Bram Stoker's version of it. She said that she did this dance and they say that someone else took the story and made a dance version of it. She got really angry talking about that and said she did it first. She said that she's been constantly slammed by that ever since. She stopped for a second and told the driver to turn there. Chris said that's really her white whale. He said she gets really worked up over that.
Howard said Underdog thinks people are disrespectful to Dracula. He played another clip of Underdog talking about how she likes the Gary Oldman Dracula movie. She said Leslie Nielson spoofed him and she doesn't like that. She told Shuli and Chris about why she doesn't like that. She said that the people who wrote that deserve to get skewered. Howard said he loved that Gary Oldman version. He said it was so good. Chris said it was very dark and sexual though.
Shuli said Underdog quoting the movie in anger is so great. Howard said he didn't know she was that worked up. Chris said the historical inaccuracies really get her going.
Howard played another clip of Shuli asking Underdog if she ever had anyone she was interested in that got away from her. Underdog said there were some professors she loved and she knew no romance could be involved because they were married men. Howard asked if they were hot or did they just know the history of Vlad. Shuli said it was just the history of Vlad.
Howard said in 1997 she invited the professors to a dance that she was in and they didn't show up in time to see her. Underdog said she didn't see them at all until it was too late. She said she had already been on and she wanted to reschedule for the next night. Underdog said she didn't want them to miss it again. Shuli asked her if those were the men she was into. She said they were.
Howard said she has a tough time moving on. He said this was a long time ago. He said that's a sad story. Shuli said those guys never got to see her.
Howard said Shuli wanted to help her put on one more dance and she came up with reasons it could go wrong. Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to her about doing the dance one more time. Underdog said that she doesn't think that audio cassette machines are used anymore. She said she lost all of her phonograph records. She said she doesn't want to do it just one more time. Shuli said that it might open it up to more times. Underdog said that's what she thought it was going to do in 1997.
Howard said Shuli is like Colonel Parker. Shuli said tell him that a 23 minute interpretive dance wouldn't be great on the app. Howard said bring her out on the road with him. Shuli said he can't control people in the audience. Howard said they'll break her. He said don't do it. Shuli said they pay to see him and they yell stuff at him.
Howard said Underdog's original dance had her giving a Dracula kiss to one of the professors. He said that didn't work out so she wanted to do it to Shuli. Howard said he has to hear this. He played a clip and Underdog said she can kiss him on his neck. Shuli said that's fine. Underdog did the Dracula kiss on his neck and it sounded really sloppy wet. Howard said that went on quite a while. Shuli said that it did. Chris said you don't even know if you can hug her and then she does this. Shuli said he was mouthing ''What the fuck is going on here?'' to Chris while that was going on. He said she came to him face to face and went up on his neck. Howard asked if he got hard. Shuli said it was raging. Chris said he thinks that her whole plan was leading up to that kiss. He said they were wondering why she let them in her house all of a sudden and then did this.
Howard played another clip where Underdog was singing a song for the guys. She then said she sang that at her mother's funeral. Howard said that's what he's going to play at Shuli's funeral too.
Robin said she noticed that she has something going on in her mouth. Shuli said she did lose a tooth recently. He said she hasn't gained any teeth. Howard said if she just played herself she'd be way scarier than Dracula. Chris said she's the real deal.
Robin asked what her house looks like. Chris said it's interesting. Howard said he pictures her saving everything. Shuli said she is a bit of a hoarder. Shuli said that she saves all of her trophies and has them on display. Robin asked if she has cats. Shuli said they are all stuffed animals. He said there are no real ones.
Howard said there is even an Underdog Lady song to play. He played that and then Shuli said that he talked to her about his book and he's going to have tape for him soon. He said he wants Howard to hear what she has to say about that. Howard said he heard she's buying 10,000 copies of it so she can burn them.
Fred played some Underdog clips where she was freaking out and Chris and Shuli did their impressions of her. Howard thanked the guys for their report and let them go.
Howard said Chris went on a date with Andy Cohen and tomorrow they will have them both in the studio. He said maybe Andy won't be there. He said that he might not show up. Robin said they will hear Chris' side though. Howard said they will hear more tomorrow. Howard let Chris go after that.
Howard said he has another one from a golf tournament. He played that and that was really clear. Howard said representative Billy Buckbee cleared his throat and said ''noine'' and eve through in a JD hoot. He said this was the Connecticut house of representatives. He played that clip and the guy did his throat clearing and did the JD hoot. Howard said he loves when politicians take their jobs seriously.
Howard said Mark McGrath went on Jimmy Kimmel Live and he was introduced as a judge for a belly flop contest and they got in a ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard played that one and Mark got that in with a yell. Howard said you gotta love Mark McGrath.
Howard said an NBA analyst was talking about the Lakers and he threw in a Hit 'em with the Hein. He played that clip and the guy got in the mention. Howard said no one ever asks what that even means.
Howard took a call from Pocket who said he knows he's frustrated with his book promotion. Howard said he hasn't even started yet. He said he had a big meeting yesterday and thought he'd straighten it out but now his in box is flooded with emails about it. pocket asked if it's a new book company. Howard said it was Simon and Schuster with the first book. He said it was Harper Collins with the second one.
Pocket asked if he thinks he should remember the enjoyment he had writing the book. Howard said he has never been so positive about something. He said he doesn't think he liked the first two this much. He said he hates them now. He said he can see people using this book as a text book for media and maybe even psychology classes. Robin said they do teach classes on Howard Stern. Howard said he has gotten into reading books because of Kindle. He said he likes the big font. Robin said she has that but she isn't into it. Howard said he has to show her his setup on there. He said he gets the NY Times on there too. He said he even ordered his book on there. He said he got excited when they suggested the book to him on Kindle. He said he thinks because it went to number 1 in pre-orders they're suggesting it because they know something is going on there. He said it took one second to order it.
Howard said writing the book wasn't enjoyable. He said he thought it was a good idea. He said 2 years later he was saying it was a mistake. He said his wife told him he was obsessing and she told him not to do it. Robin said he said he never was going to do it again. Howard said he was just going to print his interviews when it started. He said then he was writing about them all and writing introductions. He even stopped the publication a couple of times.
Pocket asked if he threw out a lot. Howard said he did. He said he was almost done and he threw it all out. He said it wasn't good enough. Howard said he was proud of the work he has done there and he thought this would be his legacy.
Pocket asked if the writing process was different this time. Howard said it was. He said this guy Sean Manning interviewed him for 60 hours. He said he had 60 hours of tape to go through. He said that he had to listen to himself talking and half of it was nonsense. He said it was very different this time. He said then in the last year he got in his groove. Robin said he told her that he had figured out what he wanted to do and what he wanted to say. Howard said the publisher was so pissed off at him. He said this guy John Karp wasn't having any of this. Howard said he had a meeting with him yesterday and he told him it was worth the wait.
Howard said that Pocket name is a good nickname. He said it's better than Sour Shoes. He said he didn't wear socks as a kid so his feet stink so they called him Sour Shoes.
Howard said he went out there and demanded that they have Bon Jovi go first. Howard said they haven't figured that whole thing out yet. He said they did the Bon Jovi thing and he was out of there. He said that there was another hour before the Cars. He said it was just people talking and talking. He said it's impossible to get through. He said it's good on TV but not live.
Robin said they haven't figured out what this is yet. Howard said they tape over 7 hours and edit it down. Howard said he's not sure where Steve is. He said he has to ask him about that.
Howard said Radiohead was inducted and they had two dudes you've never heard of. He said Thom York didn't show up. He said the two guys showed up and took this thing. He said they talked forever. Steve said they were pretty brief but it wasn't Thom. Howard said he could have told Steve not to go. He asked if he can drink there. Steve said they did allow that. He said it was an 80s filled show. He said he doesn't know 80s music that well. He said Janet Jackson didn't perform but she did make a speech.
Howard said he heard that she refused to perform. Howard asked if she didn't perform because the hall of fame airs on HBO and they did the Michael Jackson documentary. Steve said that's good thinking. Howard said he heard that rumor right there in his head. Howard said he's spreading that rumor now. Howard said there is actually a story going around about that.
Steve said there's usually some cool jams at these shows. He said you get to see different bands playing together. He said that Henley and Harry Styles opened with Stevie Nicks but none of that was going on during the show. He said that Roxy Music was there and he doesn't know their music. Howard said he doesn't know them that well either. Steve said The Cure did 5 songs. He said the first two they played he didn't know. He said he knows like 25 of their songs.
Howard said he went first because he knew that crowd was going to die fast. He said Bon Jovi made a lengthy speech and then performed. He said you were done by then. He said that he went to bed not long after that. He said that he wanted to see The Cars but he couldn't make it through the show. He said Jon thanked him for getting them up first.
Steve said the show started at 7 o'clock and it was 11:45 when Def Leppard was playing. He said they went up last. Howard said they didn't have an advocate to get them on first.
Howard said he wanted them to turn him down and kick him out of the whole thing. He said he made those demands hoping they'd do that. He said they went along with all of his demands.
Howard asked if the speech Brian May did was good. Steve said it was. He said Trent Reznor inducted The Cure and made a nice speech. Howard said he's not that familiar with The Cure. Fred played some of their music and Howard said that's not that cool. Howard didn't like that song. Fred played another one that Steve liked. Howard said he's never heard that one either. Gary said how about ''In Between Days.'' Fred played that one. He also played ''Just Like Heaven'' and Howard wasn't liking any of that stuff.
Howard asked Steve if he's getting a lot of pussy. Steve said he's fine, don't worry about him. Howard and Fred were doing their impressions of him talking about going to Largo. Howard said he bets he has vinyl like Gary does. Steve said he does. He said he even has it in his office. Howard said that vinyl makes him mental. He said he hates vinyl. He said he hates people who collect vinyl. He said he's not going out of his way to collect that stuff. Steve said it gives you such a great relationship with music. He said there is no relationship with it when you listen on Spotify or something. He said you pull a record out and you have to interact with it. Howard said he's never going to do that. Gary said that Brent and his wife listen to vinyl after dinner every night. Howard said Gary has to go up to his attic to listen. Gary said his wife paints up there too.
Howard asked if Gary brings a book up there. Gary said he sometimes goes up there and sits on his couch listening to it. He said he might be putting records in order or something while that's going on. Howard said the music is primary. Gary said it is.
Howard asked Gary how that all works and Gary was naming the stuff he listens to on vinyl. He said that he has a lot of stuff that he's gotten lately that he listens to. He said he's gotten so much in the last few years he has to organize it all. He said that's what he does while he's listening sometimes. Howard asked if it's by the album title. Gary said it's by artist and then chronological order.
Steve asked if he organizes by genre. Gary said no. Steve said he'll come over and organize it for him. Howard said they should go over there to look at this. Gary said he's welcome any time. He said he has some shelving he bought just for it. He said he has the turntable and everything on a cabinet his mother had. Howard asked how he stores it all in that cabinet. Gary explained how it's all organized.
Howard said he doesn't get how you organize by artist if they're going to expand. Robin had an explanation for that. Gary said she was right about that. Howard asked if it's climate controlled up there. Gary said it's about 70 up there. He said it is climate controlled. Fred did an impression of Gary talking about it and Gary told Howard to ask that guy with the marker in his mouth how much vinyl he has. Fred said he does have some but it's not as much as Gary.
Howard said the guys say they have a picture of Gary's record room. Howard took a look at it and he had an old time tape recorder too. Gary said he has all kinds of old stuff like an 8-Track player and things like that. He has a reel to reel and that was in Private Parts. Gary said he loaned it to the movie and they gave it back to him. Howard asked Steve if he wants to be like Gary. Steve said he thinks it's pretty cool. Howard said he bets Gary eats in there. Robin said she's not sure about that. Gary said he doesn't eat up there actually.
Howard asked if you can imagine Gary just staring at the couch. Robin said he's looking at the record player. Gary said there's a lot of cleaning he has to do up there. He said he also has 3 or 4,000 CDs to move. He said that he's thinking of moving and he asked what they're worth. He said the guy said he'd give him $300 for them. Howard said of course because no one cares. Howard said some of the records are on the floor. Gary said he did that for the picture. Gary said that's the mess he was talking about that he has to clean up. He said he has to alphabetize all of that.
Howard asked what that note is. Gary said John Mayer sent him his new record 7 or 8 years ago. He said he wrote ''Here's a new piece of vinyl for you.''
Howard said on the phone is Gary who wants to talk about his record collection. He took the call from the guys in the back who played some of Gary's audio book clips to play the part of Gary. They had him talking about his vinyl collection in the book. They had Gary rambling so much that Howard said he has to cut him off. He said he has to get to news and things. He said he has to go. The guys played more of Gary rambling. Howard said he really has to go. He had to cut the clips off before he went to break.
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Howard said he got a lot of feedback about Brent's swinging. He said the fans agreed with Shuli about how some of Brent's story was hard to believe. Howard said someone wrote that he kept changing between past and present tense. He said that's an indicator that he was being deceitful. Howard said some people are calling bullshit on Brent's story. Gary said Brent is mad and he's coming in.
Howard said he's taking a beating. Brent said it's not fair. He said he has people who were there that will come on and verify the story. Howard asked if they will come in and do that. Brent said they absolutely will. He said they can get them in the studio. Howard said Shuli led people down this path. Shuli said he just voiced some questions. Brent said he came in there making stuff up. Brent said he has way too much respect to make stuff up. He said he's not going to waste people's time with that. Howard asked what it is that they have a problem believing. Brent said maybe they jut can't relate to it in their lives.
Shuli said that it might be the whole swinging thing. He said there may be portions of the story that aren't true. He said that he doesn't believe that they closed the deal. Brent said he's a fucking asshole. Shuli said that he thinks some of the stuff seems just too convenient. Brent said he's not going to make that stuff up. He said that he can't take it when he comes in there like that. Howard asked if Shuli is going to be allowed to feel up his wife. Brent said that she really doesn't care either way.
Shuli suggested that they have a lie detector test to find out if this story is true. Brent said that people there have spoken to the couple. Howard said some people didn't like Shuli in the studio.
Howard read some email and people were saying that they like the dynamic between them. Howard said they work in the same office so that must be awkward. Shuli said he has to give it to Brent because he's very professional and doesn't bring it to the office. Brent said they have to or they'd never get any work done.
Howard read a bunch of email about the segment yesterday. People were on both sides between Brent and Shuli. Howard said they're like the bald Abbott and Costello. Howard said Brent went out and did this amazing thing and he had a great story but Shuli is ruining the credibility. Howard said Shuli is getting all of the accolades from the story. Shuli said he's a barnacle and a hanger on'er.
Shuli said he will believe his story once he passes a lie detector test. Brent said that he brought all of the facts to someone else already and they verified it.
Howard took a call from Fake Brent on the phone who was going off on Shuli saying he believes Brent's story.
Howard said some people thought Shuli ruined the story yesterday. Howard read through some of that mail. Howard said there was a lot of controversy over the whole thing. Howard said maybe they can bring the couple that they swung with. Brent said their story is amazing. He said they should have them in there. Shuli said if they are willing to come in and admit they swung with Brent he'll believe them.
Howard took a call from Apples who said that Shuli served his country with that Underdog thing. Brent said he never served his country in nay way. Shuli said he did get his neck sucked.
Howard said he did get a positive email about Brent. He said it was signed Bernie Madoff. Howard said he doesn't think that Brent would make up a story like this. He said there's no reason for it.
Shuli said there are some holes in the story. He said the fact that the guy is packing less than Brent is one. He said the fact that he put that into the story shows him he went out of the way to make himself look like a hero. Brent said he was asked about it. Howard asked if there are any other holes in the story. Shuli said that they took a picture of the couple but you don't see Brent and his wife in it. Brent said you can't take pictures in the place. He said they don't allow cell phones to be used in there. Howard said maybe he can tag along with them when they go out swinging. Shuli said he would love to see the rejection. Brent said here has never been rejection.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said that Brent would never make this stuff up. He said he loves Shuli too though.
Howard took a call from a woman who said the story was so disgusting and there was nothing hot about it. Brent said that it's fine to be disgusted by it but it's a true story. The caller said aside from that more people were grossed out about it. Brent said she was but she doesn't speak for everyone. Howard said there's someone else going around saying he doesn't believe the story. He said that's Sal. Gary said Sal says he's 50/50 on the story.
Howard asked Sal what's up with that. Sal came in and said the story sounds a little choppy to him. Howard said when Sal talks about going to the booths that's something. Sal said he didn't say he's lying but he thinks that he wanted to get Shuli off of his back by saying they fucked someone. Brent said he's saying on his honor as a Marine that he didn't embellish any part of that story. He said not one bit. He said he can't help it if Shuli doesn't believe it. Robin said he could have just kept his mouth shut about the whole thing.
Sal said he thinks that he could have conspired to do this just to get Shuli off his back. Shuli said they may never know the truth. Robin said they can get to the bottom of this. She asked if Shuli thinks he's going to bring in a fake couple. Brent said now they're questioning his integrity as a Marine. Shuli said he's not doing that. Brent said he just did.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked why he'd get so upset if he wasn't lying. Brent said he's being called a liar by someone who knows nothing. He said not one bit of that story was untrue. He said every bit of it was true. He said that they can call anyone to investigate it. Howard said that's all he's going to say about it. Sal said he was just questioning it. He said he is a man of integrity. Howard said he believes Brent and that's it. He told Ralph to hang up. Ralph said no.
Howard said he has Pinnochio on the phone and he says he believes Brent. His nose was growing as he said all of that.
Howard said it's call the Howard Stern Show. He said he is telling the truth. Brent said he wouldn't waste his time with some bullshit. Howard told Shuli to say he's sorry. Shuli said he's sorry. He said he started there with Howard 100 News and he's always got his ear out. Sal said Shuli as a journalist is more believable than Brent swinging. Brent asked when he last got laid by his wife. Sal said things are fantastic. Robin asked how many people believe that. Fred played a buzzer sound when Sal said he's getting laid. He said he goes to town on himself daily. He said he's having sex about once a month. Howard asked why that is. Sal said it just happens that way. Robin said it's like paying a bill.
Howard asked if she's fantasizing about other guys. Sal said he hopes not. Sal said the other night they went out and her friend said he might get lucky and his wife said lucky for is him passing out before that can happen. Sal said they have a great sex life. He said the magic is back. Shuli said it sounds like someone is listening to the show again.
Brent asked if he didn't bring up sex for 30 days would she initiate it. Sal said he doesn't think so. He said it doesn't work like that. Howard asked if they even get naked for it. Sal said they sleep in pajamas so they do their thing with their pajamas off. He said she does her thing and he does his. Howard asked if he's jealous of Ronnie. Sal said he is proud of Ronnie. He said he is the man.
Howard took a call from fake Sal's wife who told Sal to stop lying. She went off on Sal about all of the stories he's telling about their sex life. She said she orgasms when he leaves the house. She told Howard to hang up first. She told Sal to go over there and hit the button instead of Howard. She told Howard to tell Sal to stay late today. Sal said that's fine.
Howard said they're running late now so they have to move on. Howard said he thinks Brent is telling the truth. He did a live commercial read an went to break.
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After the commercial read Howard told Fred to check out those Sketchers he just did the ad for. Howard said it's time for news. They played Robin into it with a song parody by Little Mikey. Howard said he listened to that song last night about 3 times. He said when he hears a good Robin song it turns him on. Robin said put them on vinyl so Howard will never hear them.
Fred played a clip of Lenny Dykstra introducing Robin. Robin started her news with a story about Lenny who says he may sue Ron Darling over something he said about him. Howard asked Gary what he knows about this. He said he heard him talking about this book earlier. Gary told Howard what he heard about the book and how they called into this Michael Kay show and they ran out of delay when Lenny cursed so much. Howard said Lenny has a message for Robin about opening day. He played that for her. Lenny said he's all warmed up and ready to get into her batter's box. Howard said Lenny doesn't see color when it comes to Robin.
Robin read a story about Kanye West who is now holding church services. Robin said there were some clips floating around so she had to hear what was going on. Robin said he gives his own little concert. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Howard said it sounds good. He asked what Kanye is doing in that. Robin said he's hitting something. She said some good singers show up for his choir. Robin had more audio of Kanye talking about art and artists. Robin had some audio of DMX delivering a prayer during the service. Robin said they have guests at these services. Robin said it sure sounds interesting. Howard said DMX sure sounds angry in those clips. He said he thought he had a religious revelation in prison. He said he's still very angry.
Robin read a story about Leonardo DeCaprio's dates age not changing over the years. Robin said that he continues to date women who are under the age of 30. Howard said he read that he has never dated anyone over 25. Howard said that's something. Robin said the women stay the same age and he gets older. Robin said they also say that his relationships don't last longer than 6 years. Howard said they also say that none of them have been under a D-cup. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said they say that Leonardo is dating a 21 year old actress from Argentina. Robin said she can last a few years if she's that young.
Robin read a story about Deion Sanders talking about the pain he had to hide by using sex. Robin had some audio of Deion talking about hitting rock bottom and what that means for him. Howard said that was a pretty great rock bottom. Howard said he said having 2 or 3 women in bed was rock bottom for him. Robin said he has written an autobiography so that's why he was talking about that.
Robin read a story about Mick Jagger who has to have a medical procedure done. Robin said one article said he needs a stent and another said he needs a new valve. Robin said that they're both dangerous but the stent is the less invasive procedure. Robin said he should be in good shape because the valve replacement thing is pretty common. Howard asked Fred if he has any health problems. Fred said not at this point.
Robin read a story about Deborah Norville having surgery because a viewer noticed something on her neck and told her to get it checked out. Robin said it turned out to be thyroid cancer. Howard said people watch TV too closely. He said when he goes on to promote his book don't watch that closely. He said he has an ugly lump on his neck and it's called his head. Robin said Norville said she will undergo surgery to remove that nodule that a sharp eyed viewer pointed out. Howard said she had to follow him at Joan Rivers' funeral. He said he killed so it must have been tough for her. Howard said he went second there. He said he went up and did his thing. He said he told Melissa that he should go first. He said he had Donald Trump staring at him and laughing the whole time. He said he told him he killed that day. Howard said even the Rabbi loved it. He said his yarmulke popped off his head. He said he remembers Deborah Norville going and she didn't kill. He said he was hoping no one would do better than him. Robin had some audio of Norville announcing her diagnosis and how a viewer had pointed this out to her. She said it was a long time ago that the viewer pointed out to her. She said that it was nothing but it turned into something so she's having it removed. Howard said he would never notice anything like that. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the show The Flash. Robin said that TV doesn't make stars out of people like it used to. Robin said the actor who plays The Flash is Grant Gustin. Robin wondered if this is a way to get him some recognition. Howard said the guy is kind of skinny to play the Flash. He said the guy who plays Aquaman looks like he is Aquaman. He said that movie was actually pretty good. Robin said he's not excited about most of this stuff. She said she's not sure about Shazam. Howard said he's not sure about that story. He said he has the movie but he's not going to watch it since his name is across the screen. Robin said she has no idea who Shazam is. Jason came in and said he heard great things about the movie. He said that he gets why Howard doesn't want to watch it with the stuff on the screen. Jason said he loves The Flash and watches the TV show. Robin said Grant was vaping on an airplane and did it in the rest room. Robin said it set off the alarm. Robin said it was the marijuana vaping that set off the alarm. Howard said he's just on the WB as The Flash so don't get carried away with yourself. Robin said it was so bad that the cockpit had to go to oxygen masks. Robin said they made him sit on the plane and the Canadian authorities came and took him off but let him go with a warning.
Robin read a story about Connor McGregor and how he's been fighting for part ownership of the UFC. Robin said he thinks that he's put them on the map and he's tried over the years to get more of the share of the company. Robin said they aren't letting him do that so Connor is announcing his retirement. Robin said he's calling out Mark Wahlberg to fight him first though. Robin said he's calling Mark ''the actress Mark Wahlberg.''
Robin read a story about how there are more measles outbreaks this year than there were all last year. Howard said just get your kid vaccinated. Robin said they have a problem there in New York in Rockland County. Robin said they're trying to keep kids who aren't vaccinated from going into public places. Howard said they had defeated measles and now it's back. He said they had it all covered. Robin said the Mumps is coming back too. Robin said 116 related cases on or near the Temple University campus have been reported. Howard said stop it with the vaccine thing. He said you have to get them. He said you're not going to get autism from it. He said autism causes autism. He said stop the bullshit. Howard asked if Jenny McCarthy started all of this. Robin said she did say that she thinks it was the reason for her son getting it. Howard said you can not get your medical advice from Jenny McCarthy. He said she poses nude better than anyone but don't take advice on vaccines from her. Howard took a call from some people who were vaccinated. The guys were playing clips of Beetlejuice.
Robin read a story about Nipsy Hussle being shot and killed and how they have a suspect now. Robin said it might have been a deal going down wrong. Robin said that the investigation is still unfolding.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows about measles. He said he's in phoenix and sometimes they see the Measles virus that comes back when you get older. He said it can liquefy your brain. Howard said this is why you have to protect your children and get vaccinated. Howard said if you want to live in a world with other people you have to participate. He said it's science and it's been proven. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a trial that was going on in New York where a jogger was murdered while jogging in Queens in 2016. Robin said they had a previous trial that ended in a hung jury. Robin said yesterday the suspect was found guilty. Robin had some audio of people cheering when the verdict was read. Robin said she questions that kind of jubilation. She said this is a tragedy. She said this lady will not come back. She said we have to get out of this sports mentality like you're cheering for the winning team. Howard said he actually likes it. Robin said even though this man was convicted this woman will not come back.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows he's a fan of making things very simple but there's a girl who had swelling of the brain from a vaccine. She said now she's special needs. Howard said he's sorry about that but as far as he knows we need vaccines. Howard said he wasn't around when Polio was around but it devastated the world. He said they cured it with a vaccine. He said the same for Mumps and Measles. Howard said if you want a world without vaccines then don't come near him. The caller said he's just thinking it would be nice if they had genetic testing before vaccines. Howard said that would be nice so invent that. The caller said he's not that bright. Robin said there are side effects to every drug and the warn about that. Howard said we have to have vaccines. He said that's all he's saying. He said he's not kidding around. He said Robin was vaccinated. Howard said that was probably the Measles calling in just trying to trick us.
Robin read a story about another woman coming forward saying Joe Biden was inappropriate with her. Robin had some audio of the woman talking about how Biden rubbed noses with her. Robin said she was working for a congressional member at the time. Howard said that's crazy. He asked what's going on. Robin said there was a picture of this woman with the red necklace who Biden was holding on to at a swearing in. Howard said just fist bump everyone and you won't get into trouble. Robin said this has been going on since the 90s. Howard said he's like a cat. He said cats sniff each other's assholes. He said he doesn't think the guy should run. He said he's getting close to 80. Robin said he's 76. Howard asked how you even get out of bed at 76. Robin said this is how men treated women for many years. She said they'd never go up to a congressman and do that kind of thing. Robin said Biden is saying this won't affect if he runs or not.
Robin read a story about the state attorney who dropped the charges against Jussie Smollett. Robin said here are rallies going on there now. She said there are pro and anti-Kim Fox rallies going on. Robin had some audio of a priest who is outraged by this situation. Howard said this whole thing is a real head scratcher. He said he's actually scratching his head. He said there are rallies outside of their building today with people who believe Brent and those who don't believe Brent. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started the show talking about loving that ''Hey Now!'' saying. He said he had a bunch of stuff planned but Sal came in a few minutes ago to tell him that there's breaking news. He said it's really weird but Richard shit his pants this morning. He said Richard and Sal share an office where they record all of their stuff. He said Richard shit his pants just sitting there. Sal said it's horrible. He said it's like having a pet in there. He said it smells like fresh dog shit. Howard asked if it's because he's an alcoholic.
Sal said he's been eating Dunkin donuts $2 meals. He said if you do that something is bound to happen. Howard said he has never shit his pants fully. He said he had a lot of doody in his underwear when he was in kindergarten. He said that was it. He has never shit his pants.
Sal said the last time she shit his pants was when he had the flu. Howard said Steve Nowicki is in that office too. He said that he was there for the shitting. Steve said he had to leave this morning. Howard said it really is gross. Steve said he shits his pants almost every morning. Sal said that's true. He said he follows it up with an ''Uh oh'' after he farts.
Howard said he sticks his head in the office every morning to be one of the guys and say hello. He said on Monday or Tuesday he does that and Richard is eating something. He asked what it was. Richard said it was his usual breakfast. He said you feel like you're on the Andy Griffith show. He said Richard tells him he's eating eggs from Dunkin' Donuts. He said it's a $2 wrap. Howard said Richard tells him you have to be careful or it'll make you real gassy. He said it always turns to that or his cock.
Howard said after that Richard felt like he had permission to blast tons of gas into that room. He said it's weird because they have a compilation of Richard farting in there. He played a clip of Richard blasting away in there. Steve said it starts seeping out of him when he's eating. Howard said they don't have to be subjected to that in there. Steve said lunch is even worse. He said it looks like shit in a bag. He said he makes it in a crock pot. He said you have to see the pictures.
Howard asked why Steve's hand is shaking. He said he's nervous. Howard said that is disgusting what he eats. He had him show it to Robin. Robin said this is so sad. She said this is the one who can't have anyone else watch his son. Sal said his son probably shits less than his father.
Howard asked where Richard is. Richard came in and said he learned this from Howard. Howard said he never shit his pants. Howard asked if he's on something this morning. Richard said no. He said he just had coffee. Robin said he's acting weird. Howard said he really is. Howard asked if he fully shit his pants. Richard said it was mostly contained in the cheeks. Howard asked if he was able to pull it out with tissue. Richard said he was. Howard said he guarantees that he has shit on his hands. Richard said he washes his hands very well. Howard asked how his hands smell. Sal said it smells like soap with a hint of shit. Howard asked if he thinks he doesn't get shit on his hands. Richard said he swears he doesn't.
Howard asked Steve if he has ever shit his pants as an adult. Steve said once when he was drunk. Richard said they shit a lot during the day too. Howard said they go to the bathroom. Richard said they fart a lot. Howard said this is crazy.
Robin said they have to have different rules there. She said they have children running around there. Howard said he was talking to George Stephanopoulos about Sal masturbating at work and Richard shitting himself. He said the guy was shocked. Richard asked if he was laughing. Howard said no. Robin said they are locked in there because of those two.
Steve said Richard comes in drenched in sweat too. He said he comes in all bunched up after walking to work. Howard said he's not sure how they can stand it. Richard said Steve works under a vent so it's not too bad for him.
Howard asked how much shit he got in his underwear. Richard said none at all. Howard asked to take a look at his ass. Richard showed it and it was all red down there. Howard said there was brown around the ring. He told him to show Robin. Robin said she's seen enough of his ass. Sal said it's a mud hole down there. Robin said it's dirty down there.
Howard asked Sal to go smell Richard's ass. Sal went over and smelled it and said it's disgusting. Howard told him to go stick his tongue up his asshole. He asked why he's all read and greasy down there. He said he has that post shit glow. Sal said he looks like a giant Taint.
Howard said Richard doesn't just wander off when he shits his pants. He makes a statement about it. Sal said he waddles out of there when he does it. He said you expect the shit to be running down his leg. Richard said he has no defense. He said these guys enjoy it too. Robin said there is no defending this. Howard said when he gets off the air he's going to spank him. He said he'll chloroform him and put him in a trunk. Richard said he's been waiting years for that.
Howard took a call from one of the guys in the back who was in Richard's office making puking sounds. Howard said this is like Tarzan shitting himself. He said he's in the woods doing that. Richard asked if Howard has ever pushed out a fart too hard. Howard said he's an old man now and he has never shit his pants. He said in Kindergarten he almost did. He said he just didn't wipe that well and shit was rubbing up against him. He said that was the closest that he ever came. He said he just didn't know how to wipe well.
Howard said Richard acts like he was never raised to live in society. Steve said this is why things look so weird down there. Howard said he doesn't get in there to wipe well. Sal agreed. He said he was just down there to smell it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the brilliance of the show is that he can go from interviewing Def Leppard to this. He said he had a guy who would fart so much at work they had to file a HR report against him and he ended up getting fired. Howard said of course. Richard said he didn't do it on purpose. He said he did fart but not shit himself on purpose. Howard said he was trying to shit his pants. Richard said they get a kick out of farting. Robin said he shit himself on purpose in the diaper bit they did. Richard said he didn't though.
Howard said Robin shit herself once and it was a life defining moment. He said for Richard it's just Wednesday. Robin said she wants to come in there clean. She said Richard comes in wanting to smell like shit. Howard said he's vile.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she works with emotionally disturbed kids. She said he had a kid who would shit his pants and then hold on to it and spread the shit to other seats. She said that he would touch stuff with that shit. Howard said the measles outbreak was from Richard. Howard said that girl had a way with a story.
Howard said that's enough of this. He told Richard shame on you. He told him to get out. They played Richard out with a song parody about him being a stinky man. They went to break after that.
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Howard let the song play for a short time and then said he woke up to a cool text from Steven Tyler from Aerosmith. He said Steven said he writes a text like he writes a song. He said the fucking guy is a true lyricist. He said he writes really witty texts. He said he can't do that himself. He said he just writes back ''Hey man, how you doing?'' He said Steven probably won't mind if he reads this on the air.
Howard said he forgot to charge his phone. He said they were writing back and forth and he kind of left him hanging. He said Steven wrote this line ''It seems every time I sing my heart out I have to grow another.''
Howard said Steven said they're doing a year long residency out in Las Vegas. He said that they're rehearsing and that's when he used that line. He said Steven said he knows more than anyone that the road to wisdom is through excess. He said the guy is a genius. He said he's skipping over some personal things. He said that he wrote something about having the one song that awakens the stripper in all of us. He said you can't text back to that. He said it's too witty.
Howard said he wakes up to this incredible text. He said he invited him to Vegas to hang but he won't be doing that. He said he'll run off with Beth and he doesn't need that. Howard said he wanted to ask how Joe is doing but he's not sure if he's even there. He said maybe he doesn't know something. Robin said maybe Steven doesn't even know.
Howard said according to Steven the Aerosmith shows are off the chart. He said it was cool to wake up to that. He asked Fred to write something for him to write back to him.
Fred said that they wrote ''Walk this Way'' by watching that Young Frankenstein when that guy says ''Walk this way.'' Howard said that his dad used to do that line too and he'd walk like a guy with CP.
Howard said any normal guy would fly out to Vegas and hang with Aerosmith. He said it would be wild. He said he's such a buzz kill that he won't do it. He said he thinks he'll get sick and die. He said he can't handle it for more than 5 minutes. Robin said if he's going to get sick it'll be from working where Richard shits all over the place.
Howard said he'll get run down and get sick if he flies out there. Howard did an impression of his mom talking to him about going to Las Vegas. He had her telling him he's doing too much running around like that. He had her telling him he needs deep, deep rest. Robin asked why everyone else doesn't need that kind of rest. Howard had his mom telling Robin that she got horribly sick and she's lucky to be there. She said that Robin got sick from doing too much.
Howard had his mom going on and on about how he's going to get sick if he travels too much. Howard Ray said that Robin got sick from running around too much. He said her body was disturbed and diseased from doing too much. He said now she behaves herself and she's doing very well. He said she's getting her rest now. Howard told his mom Robin didn't get sick from running around. Ray insisted that she did.
Robin asked if she knows how much Thomas Edison invented. Ray asked what she's talking about. Robin said the man was prolific. Ray told her that she's not Thomas Edison. Robin said she would have told him to do just one thing a day. He never would have invented as much as he did if he had done that.
Howard had Ray telling them about their morning routine. He was doing his dad's voice too. Ben was talking about the cold cereal he has every morning. He said he mixes 3 different things together now. He mixes Raisin Bran and Cheerios with something else. He also has nuts in the morning. Ray said he has a hand full of nuts. Robin asked what the third one is. Ben said it's Special K. Ray said it's not. Ben insisted it is.
Howard asked if they have coffee. He had his dad yell ''No!'' Howard said Ben has 4 cups of coffee a day. Ray said he likes it. Ben said he does, it's good. Howard said that's fascinating.
Robin asked what happens the rest of the day. Ray said that she has a doctor appointment in the afternoon. Ben said he has to go the audiologist. Ray said he wears a Hearing-Aid now. Ray said they have to take the wax buildup out of his ears. Howard said he's going to throw up.
Howard said that's enough of that. He said he's not sure how he got into this. Robin said he was talking about going to Vegas. Howard said he really does have her voice in his head. He said he would like to go to Vegas but he can't shake that voice in his head.
Howard got back into his mother's voice and had her telling him about being aware of others. She told him not to go to Las Vegas. Robin asked if she has ever been there. Ray said of course she has. She said she's been everywhere and there's nothing to see out there. She said it's a waste of time. Howard had her talking about how he can't go to Las Vegas. Howard said he thinks he'd like it out there. Ray said she knows what he likes and he wouldn't like that.
Ray told Howard that she knew he wouldn't like Trix cereal but he saw it on TV and wanted it. She said that they get it home and Howard took one bite and hated it. She made him eat the whole box. Howard said she didn't have to make him eat the whole thing. Ray said she did. Howard said his psychiatrist says... Ray cut him off and said that she didn't need one. She said she grew up without a mother and she was fine. Ben said Howard doesn't need one. Ben and Ray were talking about the Trix cereal and how they made him eat it. Howard said he can't go to Vegas to see Steven Tyler. Ray said he'll get sick and die.
Howard said his mom is right. He let her go. Ray said she'll talk to him later. Howard said hopefully not. He said he needs a break from that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has enough money that he could go enjoy life. Howard said he can't. He said it's impossible. Howard said he and his wife are going out to dinner and he's getting nervous about that. He said he's only happy sitting at home. The caller said when he dies he has to answer for this. Howard said you don't answer to anyone. Robin said when he dies he's going to realize that this was all a waste and he could have had fun. Howard had his mother back talking about how she's still alive because they don't go anywhere. They just sit home. Robin said they used to take square dancing lessons. Howard was about to say something but he broke out laughing.
The caller asked if Howard if his sister does things. Howard said she does get out. He said there were years she just sat home. He said his daughters are free of the curse. He said they're not afraid of anything. He said one of them lived in North Korea for years. He said there was another who lived in Chile. He said his girls have all traveled and they're not afraid.
Howard said they can fix that. The caller said that they can induce menopause. Howard said they can do that. He said sex is important but what can he tell him. Robin said she needs to find a doctor that knows sex is important to her relationship and she'll get the right advice. Johnny said she has chronic pain so she's in bed all day too. Howard said he would stay there and be in the relationship but with this guy he doesn't know. Johnny said he's been there 13 years. Howard said that's serious stuff. He said that sex should be important to her. Johnny said he wonders what Howard would do. Robin said she has to go find the doctor who can work with her. She said there is relief.
Howard said it sounds like Johnny wants to leave but he wants him to tell him it's okay to leave. Howard said he doesn't have to be an asshole. He said he's famous and he has to have sex so there's no nonsense there.
Johnny asked if he would live the rest of his life being with just one woman since middle school. Howard said his attitude toward marriage has changed as he's gotten older. He said it's all an illusion. He said it's all carrying on about sex. He said you get a chick you love and you feel safe. He said you just find someone and stay with them. The caller said he's had women come up to him and ask for his number. He said he has to tell them that he's married. Howard asked if anal is off the table. Johnny said that she has lesions in there so she has pain from that. He said she doesn't have it in her throat thorough so they're alright there.
Howard said he has gotten older and wiser. He said sometimes he talks to old Howard. He said he's talking to Wise Howard. He said he's not sure who he's talking to. He said he tries to advise his younger self. Howard had younger Howard on the phone. He picked up and young Howard was telling him not to ever get married. Howard told young Howard that marriage can be great. Young Howard told him to get a new woman when he gets tired of his wife.
Howard said they made another phony phone call and Sal does an impression of him. He said the radio stations buy into it. He said that they're promoting his new book Howard Stern Comes Again. He said this is Sal as Howard Stern calling a men's advice show with interview clips. Howard played the call and they call into this show saying Howard is there and wants to talk to them. Sal does his Howard impression and plays them some celebrity interviews that were censored on terrestrial radio. They played some edited Hillary Clinton book clips. They had edited Tom Brokaw audio book clips too. The host of the show got pissed and hung up. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said Billy came and played for K-Rock. He said they had the shittiest environment there. He said they were making money though. He said his mother used to come up there and talk about how disgusting it was up there. He said it never bothered him until she said something.
Howard said in a rare moment they got Billy to do a Christmas party for free. He said he showed up and started playing. Robin said Tom grabbed Howard and didn't let him leave before he showed up. Howard said he was thinking it might be Aerosmith. He said he stuck around and he was exhausted from work. He said then Billy Idol shows up. He said everyone is applauding and he was like ''Are you fucking kidding me?'' He said it turned out to be really good. He said he was kind of pissed at Tom when he told him it was Billy Idol. He said he had over played his hand.
Howard said he was pissed about that but he was really good. He said he won't knock the guy.
Howard asked if Robin is listening to Michael Jackson music or she boycotting it. Robin said she finds it on stations once in a while. She said she's not looking for it. Howard said he's boycotting it. He said he does that with Woody Allen movies but then he watches them secretly. He said he has some good movies.
Howard said he was thinking that you could listen to Michel Jackson covers. He said that might be okay. Robin said you can listen to Jackson 5. Howard said he's boycotting that too. Robin said Gary says that's when he was really good. Fred did his Gary impression talking about listening to his vinyl.
Howard said he blames Gary's book on that whole vinyl thing. He said that they were listening to his audio book and Gary ran out of things to say so he described his office in the book. Howard asked Gary why he wrote that. He said Gary didn't remember writing about that. He played a clip of Gary describing what he had in his office.
Howard said he hates the way Gary reads. He said he's so irritated by that book. He wanted to throw this tape out the window.
Howard said he's not a sentimental guy and it annoys him that Gary cherishes everything he has. Howard played more of the audio book with Gary's office description. Howard said Gary must have had a thesaurus when he wrote the book. Howard said he thought about doing that for his book but he just wrote how he talks. He said he would never say ''toddler'' like Gary did. He said he's not sure if he did it by memory or wrote it down.
Howard played more of the clip and asked why this irritates him so much. Robin said it's just all so meaningless. Howard did his Gary impression talking about his pen drawer and the pen he has. Fred did his Gary impression too and talked about that nonsense.
Howard had Gary talking about his rubber bands and Fred mentioned his plantain chips. Howard had Gary talking about his carpet stains.
Howard played more of Gary talking about the picture he has where Tina Fey held up a picture of him on Saturday Night Live. Howard said this is so annoying to him. He did more of his Gary impression and goofed on him some more.
Howard had Gary talking about a picture that Courtney Love sent him of her daughter Francis Bean. He was going on and on about what he had in that office. Howard said it's like he's in there. He said he's never been in that office. He said that he can't remember one of those things. Robin asked where he works. Howard said it's in a junk yard. He said maybe he works for eBay.
Howard played more of the clip and said that office is packed full of shit. He played more of Gary talking about the photos he has around his office. Howard said in chapter 15 he reads names from the phone book.
Howard asked Gary if he ran out of shit to write about. Gary said he has no memory of writing about that. He said he doesn't remember even recording that. Howard asked if his office is different now. Gary said there are a lot of pictures in there but a lot of it isn't on the wall now. He said he has a picture of Bruce Springsteen on the wall now. He said he still has the picture of all of them in drag. He has one of Mary's paintings on the wall. He said he still has the Tina Fey and the Francis Bean picture up too.
Howard asked what else he has up there. Gary went through some of that stuff and Howard said he might have another book in him. Howard asked if Jason can come in and reveal what he has in there. Gary said sure.
Jason went in and said he has a giant Hershey Kiss in there. Gary said the TV people put some stuff in there so when his camera comes on they have something funny behind him. He said he hasn't touched that Hershey Kiss. Howard said he heard they were arguing out there again. Gary said there was something that he didn't think was correct and he was talking to Jason about that.
Jason said Gary said something about this chapter he wrote for the book. He said Gary said he thinks the book company told him to write it but then he said he never said that. Gary said that he put something up on the screen and it was just wrong. Jason said that's not the way it went. Jason and Gary were arguing again about it. Gary said he never said what Jason said he did. Jason said he did say that he thought that the book company told him they needed that so he put it on the screen. Then Gary said he never said that. Howard said they argue all day. Jason said Gary is very sensitive lately. Howard said he's going through menopause. Howard asked if Gary feels he's sensitive lately. Gary said not really.
Jason said Gary went off on him about his plantain thing. Gary said he didn't want him in the office and he's upset about the privacy thing. He said he does not trust Jason not to go through his shit.
Howard said he heard that Jason was talking to his therapist about Gary. Gary said he heard about that. Jason said she was very confused about the whole thing. He said he had to explain the whole situation and he almost ran out of time. He said he was wondering what Gary's issue was. He said he wasn't going through his own problems. Howard asked how often he goes. Jason said once a week and Gary said he should double that.
Howard said Gary is on the phone. He took a call from the guys in the back who played more clips from Gary's audio book. They had him talking about why his teeth were discolored as a kid. Howard said he doesn't have time for this. He went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he was up at 2 watching the show FBI. He said he thought he had to go back to bed but he was tossing and turning so he watched some TV. He said that he figured he'd be dead at some point so he just watched TV. He said he loves that show FBI. He said it's just two people and they solve everything. He said this hot chick solves everything. He said that the show is really good. He said he watched that and then fast forwarded through American Idol. He said he watched the auditions and wanted to see who he should support. He said Katy Perry had a cute outfit on. He said she's annoying but she's cute. He said she was kind of quiet last night. He said maybe his lecture helped. He said she acted like a normal judge.
Howard said he was watching to see how the kids were. He said he wanted to see the kids. He said some of them were good but some of them you want to tell to just go do karaoke. He said that Lionel Ritchie says the same thing every time. He said he tells the kids what they did that night was ''You just found yourself.'' Howard said there's only so much you can say on that show. He said Katy dresses like a 9 year old. He said she had big earrings in the shape of a heart. He said he'd like to her grow her hair out a bit. Robin said she hopes she sticks with the short hair.
Howard said the country guy always puts himself down. He said he always says he wants to go home and practice. He said he should do that because he's not that good.
Howard said J-Lo put out some picture of herself that didn't look like her. Robin said this was after a 10 day carbohydrate diet she was on. Robin said she's supposed to be thick though.
Howard said he's going to do this like Love Connection. He had the Love Connection theme and had an intro for himself. Howard said he doesn't think anything happened here but they'll see.
Howard said Chris was in a relationship and his boyfriend cheated on him and he had to break up. Andy agreed to go out on a date with him. He said he'd be some catch. Chris said he'd be some catch for Andy too. He said this isn't charity. He said he wasn't asking for this.
Howard said a month ago he gave the whole story and Andy heard about this and stopped by. He said he tried to make a love connection and this is the report.
Howard asked Chris if the date went well. Chris said it was a very odd date. He said it went very poorly if it was a regular date. He said that the facts of the case are very odd.
Howard said Chris really wanted to impress Andy. He shaved his balls for him. Chris said he did that. He said that when you have foreskin you have to power wash that area. He said he went home to Jersey City and did all of that. Howard said the only other celebrity date that happened on the show was Anna Nicole Smith and Benjy. He said that happened a long time ago. Robin asked why Andy isn't here. Howard said he was saving that as a surprise. He said that Andy is there. He had him come in.
Andy came in and hugged Chris. Andy said he produces reality TV and he has a bad feeling about this. He said that Chris is a great writer on the greatest radio show ever. He said he's not thinking of this like he's any better than Chris.
Howard asked Chris what happened. Chris said he has to talk about his night leading up to this date. He said Andy had a fabulous night before this date. He said he had Ralph Lauren introducing himself and he was out doing stuff all night. Howard asked how he does all of that in one night. Andy said it was a very long day. He said he was hosting the Today show that morning. He said that day was a very long day. He said he knew he'd be in midtown that night. He said he was off that night for his radio show. Howard asked if he's doing too much in one day. Andy said no. Howard said he feels he is. He said he has a new son he has to take care of. Andy said he did too much that one day.
Andy said he was off that night and he had to go to an ad sales thing. He said that led up to meeting Chris. He said he was also having dinner with his best friend and college roommate Dave. He said he's the straight version of him. Howard said that night he went to dinner first and then met Chris. Andy said he did. He said it was too much. He said he was super buzzed that night. He said that Dave told him what they ate for dinner. He said they had salad and caviar. He said he barely had anything to eat and he had 2 tequilas. He said Chris clocks him and tells him that he's drunk. Chris said he didn't know this for the first 20 minutes. He said he's looking off into the ether. Andy said he wasn't. Chris said he was looking at his phone. Andy said he wasn't. Chris insisted he was zoning.
Howard asked Chris about shaving his balls for the date. Chris said he did but Andy doesn't have to because he's famous. Andy said he can't believe he signed up for this. Chris gave him a ''boo hoo.'' Howard said Chris didn't give him a text message, he only DM'd him. Howard said he understands that. Chris said that's fine. He said Andy was 15 minutes late for the date. Andy said he did DM him about that. Chris said he lied and said he was running late too. He said he paced the block. He said he's never gone out with someone this famous. He said he didn't want to be in the loser section or anything. Andy said he got there first and then Chris came in. Chris said he waited for him to get there and then walked in like a creep.
Howard said Andy shows up late and drunk. Andy said he was buzzed. He said he had a bit of an edible too. He said he was very excited about this night. He said it was a fun night.
Chris said that he went in and tried to hug Andy and he gave him a hand shake. He said he got a hug at the end of the night. Howard said Andy hates this. He said he feels like a Real Housewife right now.
Chris said that Andy tells him about 5 minutes into this that he's there as a friend but he comes bearing gifts. He said Andy was paying attention at this point. He said that he had to check his phone before that. Andy said that is not true. Robin asked if Chris is lying. Andy said he did check his phone. He said he doesn't think he checked it in the first 5 minutes. Chris said in the first 5-10 minutes he felt like he had to work hard to keep the conversation going. He said he was wondering if he was doing something wrong. He said he thinks Andy was kind of zoning. Andy said he thought the conversation was fine. Howard asked if he was full of himself. Andy said he doesn't think he said he was. Howard asked if Chris felt weird. Chris said he thought he might have been boring. Andy said he went in and asked what was going on with his immigration and they had a long talk about that. Howard asked if Chris is boring and he was zoning out. Andy said he didn't feel that way at all. He said he was really getting into him. He said he was there because he wants to be his friend. He said he was up front about it. He said he wanted to have a drink with him and get to know him.
Chris said he came bearing gifts. He said that he wanted to set him up with someone. He said he thought about it and thought it might be a producer or someone from his show. Andy said there was someone on the show who is actually dating someone. Andy said his ex lives in L.A. Chris said the guy he wanted to set him up with was this masseuse who comes to his house and massages him with a legitimate massage. Chris said that the guy is his masseuse. Andy said he heard about him looking for a guy. Chris said that he told the guys in the back office about this and the guys said he was being hooked up with the help. Gary said they're saying that Chris was the one who said that. Chris said he did not and he can give the name of the person who said it.
Howard said he's on a date with Andy and he tells him he's a friend and wants to set him up. Chris said it was just odd. Howard said there was no chance of romance with Andy. Chris said he'd like to be hooked up with someone in the same line of work. Andy said this guy who is ''the help'' makes a shit ton of money. Chris said he never called him that. He said that was someone else in the back. Chris said that's not his feeling.
Howard asked Chris to sum up his disappointment. He said Andy needs to know this. He said that he's sort of full of himself. Andy said ''Oh boy.'' Andy said he told Chris he wanted to have a drink with him. He said he wanted to be clear with him from the beginning. He said he didn't want to come in and lead him on. Howard said when he ordered a Lyft during the conversation Chris got kind of upset about that. Chris said he did ask him if it was rude to order that while they were talking. Chris said he can't believe he doesn't have a car service. Andy said he was kind of checking himself. He said he was feeling kind of tipsy. He said Chris said he was drunk so he thought that's what the narrative was going to be on the show.
Andy said he had to remove himself before this went off the rails. He said he was trying to protect himself. Chris said he face planted into the door on his way out. Andy said he got up and there was a curtain to protect the wind from blowing in and it was his first foray into comedy. He said he opened the curtain and he did walk into the door. He said he turned to him and went ''Now you've got something.'' He said he had to go on Stern and defend his drunken behavior. He said he raced into the Lyft because he was embarrassed.
Howard said Andy joked about taking Chris' anal virginity. Chris said he was fine with that. Howard said they thought there might be some romance there. Chris said Andy was joking about taking his anal virginity right there in the restaurant. He said he looked so cute saying that. He said he looked like a little boy. Chris said he thought he could take advantage of that since he was door slamming drunk. He said he thinks he was just drunk and kind of horny. Howard said he should have let him sick his dick in his ass. Chris said he wanted to be his friend and he's drunk. He said he's not going to take advantage of that.
Howard said Chris was willing to go on a second date but this doesn't sound like it's going to happen. Howard asked if there's any chance of this. Andy said he doesn't think Chris was happy. Chris said if he went out with Andy on a normal night it would be different. He said that maybe Ralph Lauren comes over to their table. He said he got him at the end of the night. Howard said Chris couldn't have mattered that much. He said that if he's going out on a date he's going with the woman first thing.
Andy said he went into this with a different view than Chris. He said he wanted to set him up with someone. Howard asked if he wants to have an affair with Chris on any level. Andy said he doesn't. He said he doesn't want to be sitting there defending taking his anal virginity on this show. He said he can't do that. Howard asked if he's attracted to Chris at all. Andy said he thinks he's cute. Howard asked if he would bang him. Andy said he would.
Howard asked if he went out with the masseuse. Chris said he did and they had a good date. Chris said he's not angry with Andy. Chris said he thinks he's angry at himself and with men. He said the masseuse came out to Jersey City and he was very good looking. He said he was charming and a solid dude. He said they went out for brunch. Andy said he found out he doesn't drink. Chris said he ordered a mimosa and a burger. Howard said the guy was focused on him. Chris said the guy had an Asian salad and he felt like a drunken pig in front of this guy. Howard asked who cares what he orders.
Andy said that it can be not so much fun if the guy isn't drinking. Howard asked if Chris is a one date wonder. Chris said he's doing well. Howard asked if Chris banged the guy. Chris said the guy doesn't even drink coffee. He said they went and got a tea. He said they went back to the train and the guy had an appointment that popped up all of a sudden. Andy said it didn't. He said he was a little insecure that he didn't drink and he hopes that this guy drinks. Howard said the guy hasn't called back. Chris said he sent him a text and got a response back about that and it wasn't that much of a text. Chris said he got two duds for the price of one.
Andy said he got to know Chris and asked him a million questions. He said he might have thought he was on his high horse but he wasn't. He said he admires how he got on the show and things like that. Howard asked if he would go out with him again. Andy said he has to think about all of this. He said thank god he didn't give him his number. He said he heard what he said but he DMs a lot. He said it's another way to communicate.
Howard said Mike Pearlman is someone that Andy is interested in. Howard said Mike came in and showed them his bullet hole. Howard said if Chris looked like Mike he'd get a date. Chris said if he was a mindless goon he'd get a date. He said he didn't mean that toward Mike.
Howard had Mike come in. He had him show Andy his bullet wound. Mike told Andy the story about how he got shot. Howard had the two guys talk and Andy was interested in him but Mike is straight. Chris said the guy has nothing to say. Andy said he thought that he and Chris had a nice chat. Howard said mike doesn't swing that way anyway. He thanked Mike for coming in.
Howard went over what happened with Chris and Andy. Howard said things didn't work out. Howard said Chris should have been able to seduce him. He said he thinks if he had tried harder he could have. Chris said he was feeling his chest toward the end of the night. He said he was thinking he could have gotten him. Andy said he remembers that a little bit. Chris said the guy was yelling about fucking him up the ass in the restaurant. He said he went up to him and hugged him and felt around under his blazer. Howard said that's some friend. He said maybe he could have seduced him. Andy said he still had his wits about him. He said when he felt drunk he got out of there by ordering that Lyft. Chris said how about ordering a water. Andy said he did that too. Andy said he knew the narrative and he had to get out of there.
Andy said he had a busy day that day. He said he was out all day and went home to see his son for a little bit. He said he went out with Chris too. Chris said he got to see the night vision shot of his son too. He said that's the first time that's happened on a date. Howard said you don't do that if you're on a date with a guy. He said you hold that back.
Howard asked how many nannies he has. Andy said he just has one. Howard asked how he's pulling that off. Andy said she's great. Andy said she has him and she said she will have him on a sleep schedule within weeks. He said he sleeps from 9 at night until 7 or 8 in the morning. He said the boy is only 2 months old. He said he's with him on weekends. Howard asked how he goes out on weekends.
Andy asked if he's watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Howard said he is. Andy asked how he likes Denise Richards. Howard said they're all nuts. He said that they all miss the point on the show. Howard asked some questions about the show and Andy told him what was going on with a dog on the show. Howard talked to Andy about the dog and what the right thing would have been to do.
Andy asked if Howard is going to do 60 Minutes to promote his book. Howard said he's doing CBS Sunday Morning. Andy asked what his Andy Cohen media plans are. Robin said this is it. Howard said that's right. Howard said he's going to be honest about this. He said he is so fucked up with this promotion. He said he had to call Jimmy Kimmel and tell him he's staying in New York. He said Jimmy even said to him that's fine. Andy said those calls are hard to make.
Howard said the book company came to him and asked him to call Jimmy Fallon and say he wants to do Colbert. He said they want him to do Colbert because the book company is Viacom. He said he has to pick up the phone and tell Fallon that he has to do Colbert first. He said he hates this. He said he doesn't want to do anything. Howard said he's not sure if Jimmy will be upset if he goes on Colbert first. He said he flipped a coin and it landed on Colbert. He said he has to do that first. Howard said he feels really bad about this.
Andy said he has 2 propositions for him. He asked him to do his show and he'd be on alone. He said Oprah was on alone and so was Meryl Streep. He said he doesn't have to do it live. He said they'd tape it. He said the other proposition is that he can sit down and interview him on Howard 100 for the book in a way he hasn't done on this channel. He said he doesn't have to air it on Radio Andy. Howard said they can simulcast it. Howard said thanks for asking him. Robin said here comes the No. Howard said he had a meeting with these guys and they had 170 appearances they wanted him to make. He said he's not doing that. Robin said that's just one night for Andy. Howard said he's proud of this book but he's not doing 170 appearances. He said Bruce Springsteen did 2.
Howard said he was thinking about doing something with him. He said that he has to figure out all of this other stuff. Robin said he just did to Andy what Andy did to Chris. Howard said he wasn't aware that he just did that. He said that's unbelievable. Chris said he just watched Andy get fucked in the ass.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to say that he's not impressed with this date. He said he went on 3 dates before his date. Andy said he didn't show up drunk, he showed up buzzed. He said he thinks that Andy has jumped the shark here. Andy said he left drunk and didn't show up drunk.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Chris is spoiled rotten and he's used to going on these dates and doesn't know how to relate in the normal dating life. Andy said he's not sure if he agrees with that. He said he was relateable on the date.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Andy just wanted to get back on the couch. She said Howard should come to her house before doing Andy's show. Howard said Andy can be on his couch any time he wants.
Howard took a call from Andy's Wife who said he went out for cigarettes 2 years ago and never came back. She said they've been married for nearly 30 years.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks Andy is a super nice guy and he said yes to the date because he felt pressured by everyone. She said he wasn't into the date from the start. Howard said he felt that way too. Andy said Chris is right an he shouldn't have done so much in one night.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who said that he took advantage of Chris. He said he just did this to get him to do his show. He asked Howard not to do his shows. Gary said he asked Andy to come in. He said he didn't come to him asking to be back on the show. Chris asked if he was there on time. Howard said he was there early. He said when something matters to him he shows up early. Jim said he's losing his top gay title.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Andy didn't treat him right but Chris is a whiny little bitch. Chris told him to come there and he'll fuck him in the ass.
Howard said Andy could have made the date a little better. Chris said he didn't expect him to be so drunk. He said his expectation was a little higher than that. Howard said he understands. He said he thinks he should have been more attentive to Chris. Andy said he did come in buzzed and it notched up for him. He said that's when Chris pointed it out. He said he did feel like they had a nice conversation. He said he's sorry that didn't land for him. He said he owns everything else he's saying. He said he didn't want to sit there and defend having tequila on an empty stomach.
Andy said Gary asked him to come in and talk about this. He said he went out with him willingly. He said he produces reality TV and he wondered how it was going to go. He said he didn't go out with him to get on the couch like Mariann said. He said he sat there with him and thought that it would be nice to go out with him as a friend. He said he tried to set him up with someone who is a great catch. He said he still thinks he's a great catch.
Andy said he has to go do his show. Chris told him to call that Lyft. Andy asked what's wrong with doing that. Chris said it was the way he did it during the date that he had the problem with. Andy said he took the subway there. He said it's the quickest way to do it.
Chris said he has done the same thing to a date that Andy did. He said he was a space cadet that night because he just wasn't that into the guy. He said he felt really bad about it too.
Howard asked if Andy is going to be okay. Andy said he will be. Howard said Andy is having a great life. He said his career is on fire. He's having dinner with Ralph Lauren and Tony Bennett. Andy said it's been fun. Howard gave him some plugs for his show on SiriusXM channel 102. Howard said he admires Andy. He said the thing is Andy has a channel there and he shows up unlike Oprah. He said she never showed up for her channel. He admires Andy for showing up. He said love isn't always in the air. He said a love connection didn't happen.
Howard said he can't believe that Love Connection was canceled. Andy said he was so pissed that he let it out on Howard's show. Howard said no one knew and he broke the news there. Andy said he could have just let it fade away instead of announcing it. Howard asked if he has gone on any other dates since Chris. Andy said he did have a date last week that was like a 45 minute date. He said he showed up stone cold sober. He said the guy wasn't into him. Howard asked how he knows. Andy said he could just tell. He said he thought the guy was interesting but he wasn't into him. Howard said the tables do get turned on you. Andy said he was clear and up front with Chris. He said he told him he was there as a friend. Howard said he was honorable. He did fine. He said he was hoping for sex but he didn't get it. Andy said imagine he took his anal virginity. He said he would have been there all morning. Howard asked if he's very violent with that. Andy said he was being funny with it. Chris said he got excited about it.
Andy asked what's going on with the green card. Howard said he wrote a letter for him. Chris said they should know more in the coming weeks. Chris said Andy might want to write a letter for him if he wants to help.
Andy told Howard if he wants to do an interview just let him know. Howard said he will think about it. Andy said it's probably on the bottom of the list. Howard said there were a couple of podcasts that were low on that list.
Howard asked what guests he has coming up. Andy ran down a list of people he has coming soon. Howard said his show is on fire. Andy said it's been on 10 years now. Howard asked if he's in a head to head battle with Busy Tonight. Andy said he must be. He said he doesn't get to see the show. Howard said he heard it's a fierce battle. Andy said it is.
Howard said maybe he wants to be on with someone else if he does his show. Robin said he should be. Andy said Robin did the show with Patti Labelle. Howard asked who the guys are he gets on the show. He asked if they're guys he's into. He asked if he has banged any of them. Andy said in the past 10 years he has. He said it might be 3 guys.
Chris asked how he lets them know if he's into them. Andy said it depends on the situation. He said they let themselves known to him. He said it's been 10 years. He said it would be surprising if he never did it.
Andy thanked Howard for having him. He said this is the first time he's wanted to wrap it up himself. Howard said he's on fire and then he gets sucked back into it. Howard gave him more plugs for the his show. Robin asked if Chris did any research so he knew what to ask Andy. Chris said he did. He said he looked him up on Wikipedia. He wasn't interested in what kind of money he makes or anything. He said he saw what he was wearing that night so he figured out what to wear out. Chris said he did care enough to try to impress him. Andy said he did. Chris said he doesn't know about that. Robin asked if he wants to try again. Howard said Chris would be willing to do that. Chris said he wants his number. Andy said he'll give Chris his number.
Gary said the phones are split. He said half of them are for Andy and half are against. Howard said this just didn't work out. He said that he's not on anyone's side in this.
Howard took some calls to find out who is on Andy's side. The first caller said he's on Andy's side. The next caller said he's with Chris Wilding. He said Andy comes off like a douche. He said if he wanted to take it seriously he wouldn't have gotten drunk. Mariann from Brooklyn was on Chris' side. Mariann said that she likes Andy but he just wanted to get Howard on his show. Andy said of course he did. He said he told people he was going to beg him to be on his show.
Howard said Benjy is on Andy's side. He said Chris is being a dick. Howard had Benjy come in there to tell his story. Benjy said it sounds like there was potential for a fun date. He said Andy said he was up for meeting. He said Chris could have turned it into a date. Andy said he really couldn't have. Howard said he made a mistake bringing him in there. He kicked Benjy out. Benjy said he could get Andy for sex. Andy asked how. Benjy said go on a date and see what happens. Andy said that's not going to happen. Benjy said he could fuck him. Andy said no way. He said he doesn't feel comfortable now. Howard told Benjy to leave him alone. Benjy said he'll get him wet. Howard said he's dismissing him now. Andy said he feels like that lady Joe Biden kissed on the head. Howard gave Andy some more plugs and let him go. They went to break.
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Howard said he hopes Andy is okay. He said he has a way of finessing things and Robin went in there with a sledgehammer. Howard said sitting there right now he wants to do Andy's show. He said he knows after a couple of appearances he's not going to want to do more. He said he told them he can do one thing in the morning and one in the afternoon on Thursdays and Fridays. He said Andy is building a career.
Howard said he was watching Jimmy Fallon last night and someone had Steve Martin on. He said Seth Meyers had him on. He said Steve is totally compelling. He said the guy is just funny. He said still has it at his age. Robin said funny is funny. Howard said she's right. He said he owns that slogan.
Howard said Kathie Lee was on Jimmy Fallon and he was totally fascinated by that. He said she was on promoting that she left the Today show with Hoda Kotb. He said he's obsessed with her name. He said that name isn't pronounced that way. He said she's Egyptian and that's a normal name over there. He said Kathie Lee looks good for her age. He said she wants to get laid real bad. He said she's so religious though. He said she was telling Jimmy that god gave him all of this talent. Howard said he thought God was Jesus and the other way around. Robin said it's 3 people. She said there's God, his son and the Holy Ghost. Howard said he doesn't get all of that.
Howard said Kathie Lee was talking about going from Regis to Hoda and how she didn't want to go to TV but they met and she went back to TV with Hoda on a year to year contract. Howard said he thinks it was good to do that. He said if things didn't work out she can get out of it.
Howard said Kathie Lee says she's moving to Nashville. She was saying that people are so nice down there. She said she's tired of people going at each other. She said everyone down there is so kind to each other. Howard said down there everyone is nice to each other according to her. Robin said she can't believe she's moving to Nashville. Howard said she's an orphan, a widow and an empty nester. He said she can move down there because of that. He said she's going to be working on plays and movies and things like that.
Howard said Kathie Lee said that she wants to live her dreams down there. He said she feels she's running out of time. Robin asked where he play is. She said she has talked about doing one for years. Howard said it sounds like she's put out like 10.
Howard said he watched a lot of TV last night. He said he watched FBI and all of those late night shows. He said that he watched The Walking Dead and American Idol too. He said he doesn't understand the ending of The Walking Dead. He said he didn't recognize the people. Robin said they had it so whited out that she didn't know what was going on. She said it eventually cleared up.
Howard said he has to move to Nashville if everyone is nice down there. He said he wrote a note about that. Robin asked if you move from there to Nashville do you ruin it? Howard said he's not sure what they think of gay people down there. Robin said she thinks Kathie Lee is moving down there because they will deal with any kind of music. She said they'll tell her the music she's writing is good.
Howard said he got a note saying that Nashville has one of the highest crime rates in the country.
Howard said his father would go around yelling about fat people writing a diet book. He said you have to take advice from a thin person. Robin said that it's not reality with Oprah. Howard asked why they would take advice from her. Robin said Oprah goes right through their defenses and gets right to them.
Howard asked Robin what she thought about Benjy coming in at the end of the Andy thing. Robin said she walked out and missed it. She said she didn't stick around to see it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Chris made him realize that not just straight guys can be douche bags. He said he was horrible with Andy. Howard said Andy just wants to be friends with Chris. The caller said he thinks Andy is super cool and he has to play a role a little bit. He said Chris was talking about him being drunk and all of that. He said Andy was being nice to Chris. Howard said he thinks so too. He said he made it clear it was just a friendship.
Robin asked when Chris thought it could be more. Howard said he thinks Chris wasn't being paid attention to enough. Robin said he had high expectations. Howard said people always do that. He said he dated women he thought would be into him and they weren't. Robin said you come down to earth and you see what you can make out of it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he would take Howard's diet book over Oprah's. Robin said he would pick Oprah's if he was on the street. The caller said he didn't even know they had a diet book. Howard said he doesn't. He was about to tell the guy that he was making a good point and then he said that.
Howard said he sees that Bobo is on the phone but he has to get to the news. He said he'll pick up on him though. Bobo said he's overly excited about the book. He said he broke it down and he thinks it'll take 9 days to read it. He also asked if he thinks that Leslie West was his favorite interview because he played some great songs. Howard said he won't say yes or no. He said he loves Leslie. He said he won't reveal that. He said he's building suspense.
Howard said Bobo was on hold since 7 this morning. He said he waited all that time to ask that question. Howard said the book is something that you pick up and read once in a while. He said they should have him come in and read it out loud. He said someone suggested they have Ronnie read it on the air. He said they'll be there all day if they do that. Howard said he's sure Bobo is no speed reader. Robin said even if he did that how much comprehension does he have.
Howard said they were going to give Bobo the book but it would just be his book cover with Mein Kampf inside. Then they'd have him do a book report.
Howard said Robert Smith was interviewed by a woman before the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. He said the woman was so excited and he loves this guy Robert. He said she was all excited and the guy was having none of it. He played the clip and the woman, Kerri, was all excited and asked if Robert was as excited as she was. Robert said he's not as excited as she is. She kept trying to ask questions and Robert was down playing the whole thing. Howard said that's his favorite piece of tape for the day. He said she should have felt the vibe and just asked questions instead of asking the same thing over.
Howard said Robin has to see this trailer of this movie ''The Onania Club'' which is about women who masturbate to tragedies. He said it's written by the guy who did The Human Centipede. He said he got offended just watching this trailer. He said he thinks the guy is just into shocking people. He said this one shocked him even more than the Human Centipede. He said they're watching 9/11 and the towers are going down and the women are masturbating to it. Howard asked if that's a real thing. He asked Gary if he knows. JD said he thinks it is. JD said it's a condition where you get off on other people's misery. Gary said there's a word for that when you get pleasure from people's misery. The guys said it's called Schadenfreude.
Howard said he thought he was weird watching a step mom seduce her step daughter. Fred did his JD voice saying he has beaten off to Oprah. Howard asked if JD has done that. JD said she does look good sometimes. JD said they also just released the Joker trailer and that looks really good. Howard said he can't imagine a movie about people jerking off to the World Trade Center going down. Howard said they should come up with some offensive movies and make a trailer. He said Robin will be the star of all of them. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard played the clip of Lenny on the Michael Kay show. Lenny started cursing right away on the show. Howard said you can tell they told him not to curse. They asked more questions and Lenny kept cursing but they had run out of delay. Howard played another clip where they had to apologize to the audience for having to drop Lenny after he cursed too much. They said here are some kids listening so they can't let that happen.
Howard said the next day Ron Darling went on some show and said ''tit for tit'' instead of tit for tat. Howard played that clip too.
Howard said he has Lenny on the phone. He thanked him for coming on. He said that other Mets are saying they never heard him say anything like that. He said now Ron Darling isn't allowed to talk about him. Lenny said when you make up lies that's what happens. He said it takes away from that whole '86 chemistry they had. He said for Darling to come out and make up something so ridiculous is crazy. He said he's not sure why he even said it. Howard asked if he has ever used the N-word. Lenny said not even close. He said when you're in the On Deck circle you're concentrating and not thinking about stuff like that.
Howard asked if he ever said anything bad about Oil Can Boyd. Lenny said never. Howard said Doc Gooden said he never heard anything like that ether. Lenny said it never happened. He said that the guy who wrote it never said anything to him either. Lenny said that they were on the road and he heard this chick knocking on the door across the hall and this chick was beautiful. He said he told her that Ron had left with another girl and asked her to come in his room. Lenny said he kept her in his room for days. Howard said it all comes back to pussy with him. He said all he ever heard about Darryl Strawberry is that he had an anteater dick.
Howard said it sounds like he just woke up. Lenny said he doesn't have his teeth in. He said that's what it is.
Howard asked if it's true that he never said anything bad about this guy. Lenny said he never did and he wouldn't be surprised if Ron gets fired. Howard asked if he has anything to say to Robin. Lenny said he just wants her to feel safe. He said he would have a body guard go with them to dinner. Robin asked if they have to go to dinner. Lenny said he wants to wine and dine her.
Howard asked if he agrees to wear a straight jacket when they go out. Lenny laughed. Lenny said he could take Robin to places she's never been. Robin asked how she knows she wants to go there. Lenny said that's why he has to show her.
Howard said Lenny hasn't cursed at all here. Lenny said when he's on the YES network he curses twice and gets in trouble. He said that Darling is fucked at the end of the day. He said that guy can't take back what he said now. He said they have footage of this.
Howard asked what he would want to settle this. Lenny said he'd like some money like maybe 3, 4 or 5 zeros. Lenny started talking about slots but Howard said he should just said the word cunt and get it out. Lenny said cunt. Howard said now they can get back to baseball.
Lenny said that Ron Darling wasn't a good pitcher. He said he was average at best. He said they lost some big games because of him. He said that's neither here nor there. He said it's really just sad. Howard said no one wants to be called a racist. Lenny said his first two roommates were Doc Gooden and Darryl Strawberry. He said he's not a racist.
Howard asked Lenny if he had the chance to take money or get Robin's pussy from Ron Darling, which would he choose. Lenny was trying to figure that out. He said Howard i making good money over there. He said that's what he loves about Howard and Robin. Howard said no matter who calls him a racist he stays positive. Howard thanked him for calling in. Lenny said he'll see Robin later. Howard played him off with a song that he sang about Robin's hole. Robin asked if this is going to go on as long as the real song. Howard said she ruined it. Howard said no way he's a racist. Robin said she's glad to hear that there is no corroboration of that story. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin started her news talking about the boycott that George Clooney and Elton John were starting. Robin said it was for hotels that are owned by the Sultan of Brunei. Robin said now the Los Angeles city council is getting into it and they're asking people not to step foot in these places.
Robin read a story about consensual sex and how there's a condom consent pack that has to be opened by two people before it can be used. Howard said condoms are already hard enough to put on. He said if he has to sit there opening the package it's going to take all day. Robin read a story about a survey done in Argentina that shows only 14 percent of men wear condoms when they have sex. Howard said a lot of people aren't putting on a condom with non consensual sex.
Robin read a story about how the Avengers: End Game is causing web sites to crash. Robin said Fandango had to put people in a line to sell tickets. She said the wait could have been hours. Robin said the mania is because all of the prequels that came before it. Howard said he thinks he's all caught up. Robin said he saw all of the movies with Spider-Man and all of that. Howard said he thinks he has seen them all.
Robin asked what Howard thinks about the album Hotel California. Howard said it's a brilliant album. He said they had some really great songs on it. He said he was never an Eagles guy because they were too soft but Hotel California was a game changer. Robin said The Eagles are going to perform the entire album in Las Vegas next fall. Howard said he'll have to fly out. He said there are people who do that. Robin said there are. Howard said he wouldn't do that no matter who it is.
Howard asked Fred what he's going to do. Fred said he's not sure. He said he'd like to see Don Felder as part of that. He said he doesn't think Henley will invite him because there's bad blood.
Robin read a story about Jeff Bezos and his girlfriend Lauren Sanchez who have said they have made a pact to avoid each other physically. Howard said get away from this woman. He said date a little bit. Robin said they are going to be apart until their divorces are final. Howard said this ain't going well. He said Jeff is a genius and he should know better. He said stay away from that woman.
Robin read a story about Michael Jackson's maid who they say is Irish American, says he was a pedophile. Robin said that she spoke to the Daily Mail and she made some disturbing discoveries. She found some underwear in a closet and they were hard and crunchy and yellow. Howard wondered what that could be. Robin said she claims she had to pick up his bedroom and the kids would leave water in the Jacuzzi and there would be underwear floating in the water or laying on the floor. Robin said this maid also claims that it was a strange thing to watch. Howard took a call from the fake maid who said he would kiss them French style. Howard said she sounds more Scottish than Irish. She said it's the PTSD from that time working with Michael. The fake maid told a few more stories before Howard let her go.
Robin read a story about some things going on in Virginia last year with the Governor and the Lieutenant Governor being accused of a few things. Robin said that the lieutenant governor has taken two lie detector tests and passed both. Robin said that the women are still saying that they were assaulted. Robin had some clips from a Gayle King interview with the women.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was wondering why he is always emasculating Gary. Howard said stop it. The caller said he collects vinyl too. Howard said Gary has learned from him. He said he has moulded him into a top guy. Gary thanked Howard for everything he's done. He said he loves it all. Howard said it's not berating. He said it's helping. Gary said it feels like a life lesson. Howard said his whole office should just be pictures of him. Robin said there are none of Howard in there. Howard said the whole compound is pictures of him. Gary said Robin had a mural of herself in her apartment. Robin said that was her home, not her work place.
Robin read a story about this woman who was on The Bachelorette, Amanda Stanton, who is claiming that a hacker has been disbursing nude photos of her. Robin had some audio of her crying over it in this video she posted. She said that the photos from her breast augmentation were leaked. Howard said he remembers her because she always said she misses her kids but she keeps doing that show. He said she can't find love any other way. Robin said she apparently had a dog face filter on there when she did the Instagram video.
Robin said Jussie Smollette is still in the news. Robin said Chris Rock was joking about the whole thing the other day. Robin said now they want Jussie to pay $130,000 to the police for the attack investigation. Robin said that's what they spent on overtime trying to figure it all out. Howard said that case seemed like a no brainer. Robin said they had to figure out what was really going on there to figure out the hoax. Robin said FOX has not announce if he will be back on the show Empire. She said Tracy Morgan made some jokes about Jussie too. Robin had some clips from Tracy on Jimmy Fallon's show for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about Sarah Palin and her family being back in the news. Robin said Bristol Palin has decided to leave some MTV show she was doing. Robin said it's called Teen Mom OG. She said she's leaving after just one season. She claims they weren't portraying her family in the best of lights. Robin said Sarah Palin is in the news and she's talking about not being invited to John McCain's funeral. Robin said she says it was like a gut punch to her. Howard said she fucked up the whole election for him so don't be surprised. Howard said that family probably just wants to forget all about that. He said McCain didn't vet her and her family. Howard said she is a good looking woman though. He said there's nothing wrong with those looks. Howard played some audio and told her to get over it. Howard had Sarah Palin audio book on the phone. The guys called in with some edited clips of Sarah talking about John McCain's balls and things like that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about more women coming forward about Joe Biden. Robin said she thought that Joe Biden treated men and women differently. Robin said someone showed her pictures of Joe hugging and kissing men and nuzzling their hair like he did with women. Howard said maybe he doesn't treat them differently. Robin said Nancy Pelosi was asked about it and she said it doesn't disqualify him from running but he had better knock it off.
Robin read a story about David Blaine having a couple of women accuse him of alleged assault. Robin said David has had accusations against him by at least two women. The NYPD is looking into the allegations. Robin said his lawyer is saying David denies all of the allegations.
Robin asked what you do when you're pregnant and the man who the woman says is the father has an identical twin. Robin asked how you tell which one is the father. Howard said lock them all up. Robin said a judge has decided that both brothers should pay child support.
Howard said Ted Kennedy wants to talk about Joe Biden. Howard did his Ted Kennedy impression and talked about how sniffing a woman's head is nothing. He said back in his day you could drown a woman and get away with it. Howard said he knows guys who are touchy feely like that guy. He said there's a guy he knows who gets close to his wife and whispers in her ear. He said that Beth gets really uncomfortable. He said he'd love to bust the guy. He said he will tell Robin off the air. He said the guy is touchy feely all the time with women. He said he has seen the guy in action. He said he's a real douche bag. He didn't say who it is.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump deciding he had to weigh in about Joe Biden. Howard said he figured he'd stay quiet. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about Joe. Howard said he should lay low with that.
Robin said Joy Behar and Megan McCain got into an argument about socialism on The View. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Howard said he was pitched to go on their show. He said he might go on and sit with the ladies. He said Joy looks good. Robin said she's amazing. She said she looks like she's not pulled back but she is over 70.
Robin read a story about the President saying his father was born in Germany. Robin had some audio for Howard to play where Trump said his father was born in Germany when he was actually born in the Bronx. Robin asked what he's doing. Robin said he was misstating where he was born. Howard said it would be funny if there was an investigation to find out if Trump is an American citizen. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Today's show was over around 11:25am.
Today's show was over around 11:10am.