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Howard started the show talking about how in an effort to talk about what the nation is talking about he's going to talk about the Super Bowl. He said he did watch it live up through half time. He said then he went to sleep. He said he woke up at 4 in the morning and watched the rest. He said it was a beautiful way to watch. He said Robin was asking if he was ready for some football and he was like ''No!'' He said that was enthusiastic Robin. He said he was ready for bed. He said he can't believe they put it on at 6:30. He said he missed the first part of the game because he was told it started at 6:45.
Howard said he got caught up in the whole dynasty story about Tom Brady. He said he's not sure what made Bill Belichick fly the coup with the Jets. He said he was going to be the coach for them and he ran off. Howard wondered if they told him to do it their way. Robin said it may have had to do with his input on picking personnel.
Howard asked Gary what he has to say about that. Gary said Jon is telling him that he signed on with the owner of the team and they were selling the team at the time so Bill ended up leaving when the new owner came in.
Howard said it must be the owners that mess things up. Gary said all of the owners of the New York teams seem to know more than the coaches.
Howard said when he was in terrestrial radio he was watching satellite radio. He said he had a feeling it was the long term thing. He said that he sat down 5 years later with Sirius and XM. He said XM was so arrogant acting like they were doing him a favor. He said that they were telling him that they're not going to pay him and Sirius didn't have any subscribers and all of this. He said he remembers Lee Abrams telling him that he could see the blood draining out of his face. He said that he was wasting his time with them. He said then he met with Scott Greenstein from Sirius. He said that he met with Leon Black and Scott. He said it wasn't even Leon. He said it was someone else who was running Sirius at the time. Gary asked if it was Joe Clayton. Howard said it wasn't him. He said he remembers sitting down with them and they said they would do whatever it takes to get him. He said they asked what they need to do to get him to come over there. Howard said he didn't care how many subscribers they had. He said they admitted they needed him. Howard said that's a great way to do business.
Howard said Leon told him he'd get him whatever he needs to get the job done. Howard said this is like Bill Belichick. He said that he was told to just make it happen and he gets what he needs. Robin said that the owner thanked Belichick and Brady when he was talking about their win last night.
Howard said the owner, Bob Kraft, is getting a ton of pussy. He said that he's getting more than Belichick and Brady combined.
Robin said she loves it when they put the camera on Giselle. She said she's jumping up and down high fiving people. She said then Brady had his daughter holding her up and she looks exactly like her mother.
Howard said if he lined up Kraft, Brady and Belichick together and asked who is getting the most pussy who would you say. Fred played some Little Lupe ''pussy'' clips. Howard said it's Bob Kraft. He said he leaves it up to them to get the job done and he goes out and gets the pussy.
Howard said Bob has 6 super bowl rings and he lost 2 in pussy somewhere. He said that he was fingering some chicks and lost them. Howard said they dump a Gatorade container full of pussy juice on Bob after the game.
Howard went through some of the prop bets they talked about last week. He said he's going to be all over the place with that. He said they don't know the ratings yet but he thinks it'll be under. Howard said the announcers didn't say ''Hotlanta'' once. He said they did say Dynasty. Howard went through some of the other bets they talked about last week. He was ripping through a lot of the bets very quickly.
Howard said the over under on the National Anthem was 1:45 and she dragged the song out by repeating the last line. He said that one analyst said that the first time is the end of the song. Howard said it's not over until she stops singing. He said that she may have had the over and she dragged it out at the last second. Howard had some tape of Gladys Knight singing the National Anthem. Robin said that had to be planned because you don't end on the down note.
Howard said there was a bet about people taking a knee during the Anthem. He said no one did. He said that CBS was fiend for showing Janet Jackson's nipple and no one got upset with Adam Levine showing nipple. Howard said it's almost like Sharia law. He said it's very big controversy. Robin said he was doing a strip tease. Howard said someone said if they gave him 2 more minutes he would have been nude.
Howard said he doesn't get the half time show at all. He said they do medleys and it's a compressed performance. He said that he question that. He wondered if the record company is doing that or is that up to the artist. He wondered why it has to be compressed.
Howard said the first rapper to come out has to be nuts. He said that he was in front of the biggest audience he's ever been in front of and he was bleeped for half the performance. Howard said he was thinking he made a statement but then he figured he was just cursing. Robin said the bleep was like a half hour long. Howard wondered why you would do that. Robin said the silence lasts forever and you don't know if he's coming back.
Howard said the rapper with the big fur coat was something he didn't like. He said you don't wear a dumb coat like that.
Howard said there's so much stuff to talk about with the game. He said that he was thinking that the Jets could have had 6 Super Bowl wins if they had Belichick. Gary said he thinks the Jets ruin everything they get. He said they wouldn't have supported him.
Robin said they were throwing out the word genius a lot for the other coach. Robin said that halfway through they were saying that Belichick is the genius. She said that then all of the accolades were going to Belichick.
Howard said he fast forwarded through a lot of the commercials. He said Verizon was taking credit for first responders. He said he doesn't get that. He said they are reliable but it was a strange commercial. He said he likes those robot kid commercials. He said he thought that was cool. Robin said she's been talking to Howard about this for a long time. She said there is a guy who is saying the way we're doing artificial intelligence is all wrong and robots are going to replace human beings. Howard said good. Fred played some Ronnie the Robot drops.
Howard asked how they do the robot stuff. He said they're fucking awesome. Robin said she thought he first responder commercial was good.
Howard said he was thinking about the thing they did with all of the football players where they were kissing the metal football. He said they say in the bible that you should not have false gods but they're all praising this football. He said if you were going to boycott the game based on the knee maybe you should do it because everyone is killing themselves playing the game because of their brain injuries. He said that's more noble than boycotting it over the knee. Howard said Bob Lefsetz wrote something about that. He said Bob has a show there on SiriusXM now. Howard said you're watching someone killing themselves slowly. He said that's what you do with smokers.
Richard came in and told Robin what the Ghoulies were because she was confused about that. Richard told Howard and Robin what they were because even Howard had it wrong. Howard said he hasn't seen that. Howard asked how many times Richard has seen it. Richard said maybe 5 times. He said he thinks Howard would like it. Howard said he doesn't think so.
Howard asked if he turned on the game or not. Richard said he did in the 4th quarter but he turned it off when the Patriots scored.
Howard said the saddest thing he heard was that Gary and Jon were on the Wrap Up Show and they had the Kraft's come by and they put Richard on with Patrick Mahomes and Richard cried. Richard said he did. Howard said he's such a fucking weirdo. He said he's going to play this and Richard starts crying to Mahomes. Howard said he's talking about what it means for ''people like me'' and he's a guy who lives in Manhattan on the Howard Stern Show. He said people who are stuck in Kansas aren't like Richard. He said he has beaten the odds. He said there's tons of culture there in New York. Howard said there's only one of you. He said you're not typical of a Kansan. He said his dad is, not Richard.
Howard said you have to hear this. Howard played the clip and Richard started out fine but then he was getting emotional talking to Mahomes. Richard said he has brought so much happiness to people like him. He said he had so much fun watching him this year. He said he means a lot to him and the people in Kansas City. Mahomes seemed fine with it and thanked him for the compliment. Then Richard broke down saying he hopes he and his dad get to see the Chiefs play in a Super bowl. Gary said that guy is only 23 so it's really weird for a 45 year old to be crying over him. Richard said Mahomes said no guy has ever cried in front of him before. Mahomes told Richard that they'll get it done. Robin said he's wondering how long his contract is.
Howard did his Richard impression asking Mahomes if he shoots ropes. He said he bets he has a big cock with veins and he shoots ropes. He said that if he and his dad got to see him shoot ropes that would be the best thing in the world. Howard said he hopes Mahomes goes to the Jets or something. Richard said not a chance. He said he's the MVP and he isn't leaving them.
Howard said the real MVP was Conan O'Brien. He said he was on the Stephen Colbert show and he was so great. He said Conan came out and he had 2 main chunks of business and he did this routine about how awkward his body is. He said he was talking about how tiny his torso is. He said he was also talking about how his penis comes out of the middle of his chest. He said he did a DNA test too and said that they found something odd. He said that Conan told Colbert that when the doctor called him about his DNA they said he has 100 percent Irish and no one is 100 percent anything. He said the doctor said that it has to be from in breeding. He said that Conan was like ''You're not supposed to say that. He said he did this routine about being inbred and it was so great. Howard said then he was going on to talk about testing his wife and she was only 50 percent Irish. He said she was 25 percent Scottish and 25 welsh. He said Conan was talking about how he has jungle fever going after a woman like that.
Howard said Conan was talking about how his show is only a half hour long now and they found that the audience was like ''we're done'' after a half hour. Howard said he tuned in to see Conan on that show. Robin said she wasn't sure why they booked him. Howard said that the guests like that know how to do a show like that.
Howard said Conan knows how to be a great guest. He said he did a routine about why he doesn't wear a suit on his show. He said Conan was on the top of his game. He said he was the MVP of the Super Bowl. Robin said he was not. Howard said he was.
Howard said he has drunken Richard on the phone. He took a call and the guys were playing clips of Richard yelling at a bar while drunk. They had him puking after everything he said. Howard said he likes this Richard better than crying little bitch Richard. He said he can't believe he cried to a 23 year old man. Howard asked if he's in a sports bar. The guys had Richard vomiting his answers.
Howard took a call from a guy who wasn't there on the line so Howard said he's going to wait all four hours for him to return to the phone. Howard asked who dares him to do that. Robin said she does. Howard said that might be the greatest show ever.
Howard did his Richard crying impression again. He had him crying over Mahomes. He mentioned his filthy jeans. Richard said he got new ones. He said the old ones are in the shop getting a patch. Howard said when he told Beth about that the look of disgust that she had was amazing. Howard said he has some email about that too. Richard said he seemed grossed out by it so he got some new ones. Howard said come on dude. He said he should have a few pairs of jeans. He said he has enough money for pants.
Howard read some of the email about the jeans and people were saying that he puts that Febreeze on them and that's just chemicals that are doing worse for his skin than the soap would. Howard said Richard is like that charity guy they put in a job just as charity. He said that's what Richard is. Howard read other email about Richard and JD's lack of hygiene. Howard said they should get Richard's wife on the show. Richard said she was an intern on the show. He said she won the Intern Beauty Pageant. Howard said he doesn't remember that.
Howard read more email about Richard and one guy said just wash jeans inside out and hang dry to make them last. He said that you can take them to a dry cleaner too. Howard said that they have stuff that will kill bacteria. Howard said someone asked if he's going to get his son vaccinated. Richard said they are. Howard said he's acting like it's a given with that. Howard said he has the worst hygiene. Richard said he showered this morning. Howard played a song parody about Richard's bad hygiene.
Howard and Fred did their Richard impressions talking about the disgusting stuff he does. Howard said they should talk about Richard's dad later. He said that he has an update on him. Richard said his 75th birthday is tomorrow.
Howard took a call from a guy who said after that story about Mahomes he can't goof on Richard. He asked how his wife can't smell him. Howard said even Sal says he smells. Richard said he is very clean around his wife. He said as soon as he gets home he takes his pants right off. The caller asked if he takes a shower. Richard said usually he does. He said he doesn't shower a lot because he lived in a storage unit for years without a shower. Howard said he goes days without showering and he runs. He said there is a stench that has to occur. He asked if he puts on deodorant after running. Richard said he will shower after a run. Howard said bullshit. Robin said he has come in there sweating profusely. Richard said if he runs 3 miles he may not. He said it depends on the mileage.
Howard said Richard runs 3 miles and sweats so his armpits must smell. Richard said he puts deodorant on over it. Howard said he's like a human garbage pail. Robin said he's like that character from Peanuts with the dirt cloud around him. Howard said he just smells. The caller said he's rotting. Richard just laughed.
The caller asked if they can imagine this kid going to school and carrying all of those germs with him. Richard said he'll wash his jeans once he gets them back from the shop. Richard said he's getting sweaty now from the lights in the studio. Howard said they'll fumigate him later. He said goodbye to him.
The caller started talking to someone else. Howard said that's Mike from Maine so he might be on the Bubba show. Howard kept calling out his name but Mike was talking to someone else. Howard let him talk and listened in to his conversation. Howard said what he noticed is that when guys talk about football they just repeat facts they heard during the game. Howard said he was listening to that and Mike was just regurgitating facts he heard during the game. Howard said all guys do that. He said Gary was doing that too. Howard said he got the same facts from Tony Romo. Robin said they announced that no one had missed a kick in that stadium all year and the guy missed the field goal.
Mike asked if he saw the commercial with the guys all throwing the football around from guy to guy. Howard said he didn't even see that one. He said he watched the first half live but in the second half he just fast forwarded through it. Mike said he's sure Howard would have no idea who they were. Howard said he's proud he doesn't know. He said he has his own life to live.
Mike asked Robin if she did anything when she saw Adam Levine take his shirt off. Robin said Adam now knows he's sexy so that's not sexy. She said that he even strapped on the guitar long before he was going to play it. She said he was walking around with it like it was a big dick.
Howard said if he had the chance to play at the Super Bowl he'd just play one song. He said he'd say you can all go fuck ourselves. He said he's not going to rush through it. Howard said Robin did masturbate to Adam. Robin said she did not.
Mike asked if he saw Kelly Ripa and her husband Mark out on the beach. Howard said he did. He said that he once went on vacation and he was on the beach. He said he was in Mexico taking a walk and there was a picture of him with Jimmy and Molly and Beth. He said they snapped it from somewhere because he never saw them. He said they may have been on boats. Howard said they said he had a six pack. He said it was a good picture but now he has a belly and tits. He said he can't run anymore. Robin said he fell apart pretty quickly. Howard said it's been over a year. He said he can't stand the bike and he can't stand the rowing machine. He said he does 250 meters and he's done.
Howard said he's thinking that he might go to a spin class. He said he knows that's like a douche. He said he doesn't want to swim either. He said he's not going to a pool on the roof of some building. He said he went to one once and these old guys were walking around naked. He said he's thinking of spinning.
Howard said Adam Levine is doing Yoga. He said that dude is ripped. He said he should do Yoga and spin. He said wait until you see him after that. Mike asked how long he would last in a work out with Benjy. Howard said he's in terrible shape. He said it's awful. Robin said she's afraid that Benjy will try to keep up with him.
Howard asked Mike and Robin to talk over each other more. Robin stopped talking but Howard really wanted them to talk over each other. Howard let Mike go a short time later.
Howard said he's not sure what else to say about the super Bowl. Robin said she was looking at the alternative programming. She said that it all turns feminine if you turn away. She said one network was playing the Twilight saga. Howard said he'd rather watch that than the Super Bowl. Robin said they were also running a special on the football player who killed himself in prison. Gary said that was Aaron Hernandez. Robin said they found that he had an advanced case of that brain injury disease. Robin said they were saying that if they had known that they would have gotten him off and he never would have gone to jail.
Memet came in and asked why he's the asshole. He said he should have a commercial. Howard said that they have to want one there at SiriusXM. Howard said this is like asking to do a show from the Moon. Memet said he understands. Howard said his idea is crazy. He said it's like walking in and pitching having Trump and Obama to arm wrestle. He said it's not going to happen. Howard said how about getting Kim Jong Un in there to spank him over his lap.
Memet said he came in there with a golden idea. He said that the commercial is a take off of the 1980s Apple commercial. He said that it's where they throw the hammer through the screen. He said for his commercial it would be like that but Howard throws a dildo through the screen. Howard said they have all of the late night hosts there being boring. He asked why they would do that. Memet said just have Fallon and Kimmel in it. He said the audience is dying and they're like zombies. He said Howard runs in like a hero and hurls this giant dildo at the screen and it smashes into a million pieces and it turns into Howard 360 and all of the stuff they do there. Memet said even if the dildo is pixelated it would be great.
Howard said he's not sure how much longer this kid can work for him. He said he has to get through to him. Memet said he feels like he's the only one who is excited around there. Howard laughed. Howard did his impression of Memet pitching Beyonce coming in and riding the Sybian and then they cure cancer live on the air. He had other wacky stuff he pitched too.
Howard said he once tried to get in movie theaters a trailer. He said you'd see the stars on the screen and then the stars start moving and they come into the shape of penis and balls. Howard asked how many theaters said they won't show that. Memet said you don't take no for an answer. Howard said how about they buy all of the theaters in America. Howard said the guy who owned this company owed the theaters and he wasn't able to get them in the theater. Howard said that you can't do it. Memet said that guy should be fired. Robin said he's the owner. Howard said he has to give him a reality check. He said Fallon and Kimmel aren't going to do that commercial. Memet said that they can get generic late night people. Howard said his pitch is a waste of time. Memet said comedy is shit now and Howard is the only good one out there now.
Memet said the company doesn't even show that Howard is on their service. He said it pisses him off. Howard said that's something he agrees with him on.
Howard said the company isn't looking to spend 5 million on something like that. Howard said how about they all take out their cocks and sword fight. Memet said that would be funny too. Howard said they'd have to pixelate it. Memet asked when everyone got so uptight.
Howard did his impression of a guy on the phone pitching more crazy ideas. He had him pitching Robert Mueller sodomizing Trump with a bottle of Pepsi at the Mexican border. Memet said he's fine with that.
Gary said the company with the food addiction commercial wasn't able to use the word ''porn'' in their ''food porn'' commercial. He said CBS didn't allow it. Howard asked Memet if he has ever owned his own company. Memet said no. Howard said the company hired him to create buzz. He said that's what his job is.
Howard pitched another idea to Memet where Betty white sticks a squirrel up her twat and then they cut to Mick Jagger pissing in someone's mouth. Howard asked Memet why Sirius doesn't just put his image on the moon. Memet said they should do that if they have the technology to do that. Howard said his idea is a waste of time.
Howard took a call from fake Jim Meyer who runs Sirius. He said this kid is a genius. He said he wants to drink his blood. He said he'd drunk off this idea. He was jerking off to Memet's idea. Howard kept him on while Memet was still talking about his own commercial. Memet said there is no way anyone would forget about that commercial. Howard said only Memet and fake Jim Meyer like that idea.
Howard said he has Memet's inner voice on the phone. Howard picked up and had one of the guys in the back office doing that voice for a few seconds.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said Memet's idea is flawed because they have ''think different'' at the end of the Apple commercial. He said the throwing the dildo thing is embarrassing. Howard said it's like Ronnie yelling out ''Sixty nine!'' Howard said this is just him being a douche. Robin said they're just saying what people think Howard is doing. Howard asked how many times a week he's going to therapy. Memet said he has to get back into it. Howard said that's a good idea.
Howard let Memet go. Ralph said he didn't watch the game. He said he watched the last 2 minutes. He said he had to gloat about it. He said the Rams completely cracked. He said that kick was like 50 yards off. He said they didn't belong there. Howard said he did watch the game. Ralph said no he didn't. Robin said he cared about how it turned out. Ralph said it was the last two minutes so it didn't count.
Howard let Ralph go and took a call from a guy who said he's been listening to the show for many years. He said that he thinks the show has the best chemistry it has ever had but when he hears Memet come in he wants to cancel his subscription. Howard said if he has to do that then do it. The caller said he's at the best he's ever been. He said he can't cancel. He said he's not sure how he does it. Howard said he drinks a lot of water and doesn't pee for 4 hours.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Memet is always making negative comments about Howard and the company and he's a mental patient. Howard said he's got enthusiasm. He said give the guy a break. Howard went to break after that.
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Robin said it wasn't so bad when it was 18 out and there was no wind. Howard said wind does make it worse. He said he discovered that when he discovered it was a bad idea to have a super Bowl commercial for the company.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a spinning story to tell. He said that Howard showed up to one of his spinning classes years ago. Howard asked if he did a spinning class. The caller said he swears he did. He said that he was at the Equinox on 19th. Howard said he doesn't remember that. The caller said he had a shirt on that said ''fuck Jesus.'' Howard said he would never wear a shirt like that. He said that wasn't him. He said it really wasn't him.
Howard said he gets more of that than anyone on the planet. He said there's a guy who looks like him who walks around dressed up like him. He said that he's not wearing a ''fuck Jesus'' shirt. He said it was probably Fran Liebowitz. He said he gets mistaken for her a lot.
Howard said that he has more thoughts on the Super Bowl. He asked who Chloe and Halle are. Robin said they're a sister duo with powerful voices. Howard said he still loves hearing that announcer voice on shows like that. He played a clip from last night's game where they were introducing Chloe and Halle and the guy had that announcer voice. Howard said Gary asked if guys like that walk around talking like that. Howard said he thinks they do. Robin said that guy they used to use, Paul Turner, couldn't turn that voice off. Howard said that's right.
Howard did his announcer voice introducing Chloe and Halle. Howard said Paul Turner had that voice and he never knew what he was saying. He did his impression of that deep voice announcer guy. Howard said you just wonder what they said.
Howard said he wants to know who this announcer is at the game. He said that he has him introducing Gladys Knight. He played that clip and did more of his deep voice impression. Howard said he tried to be like that but it didn't work out.
Howard did more of his impression of that guy and dragged out everything he was saying. He said he's Frankenstein.
Howard said Bob Kraft was funny on the Wrap Up Show. He said the guys had Bob on the show and they have a rule on the show to talk about nothing but Howard. Howard said the Krafts roll with it. He played a clip of Jon Hein talking to Bob about the way that they just steam roll over other teams. Bob said they have a big picture of Howard hanging in their office to inspire people. Howard said Memet probably thinks that's a real story. He said that is a funny thought though.
Howard said he'd like to see more on TV like the end of Saturday Night Live when everyone is on stage talking and hanging out. Howard said he watched Steve Martin on the show doing that. He said one of the most emotional moments is when they have the camera on Tom Brady and Edelman comes over and hugs him. He said then Mr. Kraft comes over and talks. He said they do an interview with Tom Brady and ask bullshit questions.
Howard played some of the female reporter trying to interview Tom Brady right after the game. Howard said they ask how it feels to win.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks whose phone was so bad that Howard couldn't understand what he was saying. Howard said it's every time he calls. King said let him back out of the driveway. Howard said it's the same call every time. King said he has a long driveway. Howard said just talk. King said he has it together now. King said they put a Martin Luther King speech and they had people walking around Atlanta with a white guy and that was to take the place of the kneeling. Howard said they did have a lot of Martin Luther King in that game. Robin said they did seem to have a lot of pressure to make sure Atlanta was represented.
Howard said they did have Martin Luther King's daughter call the coin flip. He said that they must have done that to counter balance the kneeling. Robin said they were doing a lot of that kind of thing at the game. Robin said the NFL was doing all kinds of things. King said he felt it was patronizing. Howard said he found it patronizing as a black man as well.
King asked about the rapper 21 Savage and if they think they're going to take his money since he's there illegally. Robin said they can't take his money. Howard said he wants him to go back to having a bad connection. He went to break after that.
Howard said that he has to get off the Super Bowl for a bit. He said people love to hear him comment on something he knows nothing about. He said that he's going to bring back Flirty Gary. He said he has a new phony phone call the guys made. He said that everyone voted that phony phone call the best of 2018. He said they hear you and they respond. Howard said Flirty Gary is always looking for love. He played an old call the guys made with the Gary clips. They had Gary using pick up lines that were kind of creepy.
Howard said what's sad is that things have to be bad for that woman if she has to meet him. He said he has such horrible lines. He said he has an amazing delivery though.
Howard said they got curious and wondered how he would do in the gay community. Howard said they got a picture of Gary and put him on Grindr which is a hook up app for the gay community. Howard said they put up all of the stats for Gary and it's amazing how many hot guys were into him. Howard read the bio they put up for Gary and they had him saying some of the weird stuff he says in the clips.
Howard said Gary had to go to his wife and tell her they were putting this up on Grindr. Howard asked if his wife got it. Gary said she looked at him and said ''Really?'' He said it was for the show and she said ''Whatever.'' Howard said he's doing it for the show. He said look at that guy's rock hard abs. Howard said Gary is all proud of himself. He said some of their gay friends were saying they don't get guys half as hot as that.
Howard said Latinos and ex-military seem to be into Gary. Robin wondered why that is. Gary said maybe they want to beat him up. Howard said some people are still trying to get in touch with Gary. Gary said he doesn't see that stuff. Howard read about how many people tried to get in touch with him and how many people were sending dick and asshole pictures. Howard said Chris put this all together. He asked him to come in.
Howard read more stats about Gary and all of the guys who were into him. Chris came in and said that one of the guys who wanted Gary was one who turned him down. Gary said he had him change the picture so he looked better. Chris said people are really into him. Robin asked why it's Daddy Gary. Chris said you can put your tribe in there. He said that's why he put daddy in there.
Howard said only 2 people recognized Gary from the show. He said someone asked if it's hard to suck Howard's dick with those chompers.
Howard said one guy said that he would never fuck anyone wearing an Obama shirt and blocked him. Howard said he thought all gay people were into Obama. Chris said that Caitlyn Jenner was into Trump for a while.
Howard asked Gary if he could fuck Caitlyn Jenner if he had to. Gary quickly said no. He said if there are no other women on the planet then he's sure he could.
Howard asked if Gary's kids know he's Dadddy Gary on Grindr. Gary said no but his one son is always looking for stuff about him. He said he's not sure what he would tell them. Howard said just tell them before they find it. Howard said Gary should tape that discussion. Gary said they were hoping that Page Six or someone would pick up on the story.
Howard said the people who found Gary on Grindr were saying that they love his dick sucking lips. Howard said they ended up calking a few people who they found on Grindr. He said everyone is digging his cheesy comments. Chris said they made his bio like that so they knew what they were getting into.
Howard played some of the audio of the call they made to this one guy from Grindr. They had flirty Gary throwing out those goofy pick up lines. The guy just stayed on the line taking all of those lines and laughing. Flirty Gary had all kinds of pick up lines for the gay guy.
Robin said that guy was trying to close the deal. Howard said he liked that his condom is his intestines. Howard said that guy walked into every setup. He said that's the funniest thing ever. He said that he likes Gay Flirty Gary. Gary asked why he acts like a black dude. Howard said the first one was Gary as a black dude. Gary said it doesn't make sense. Chris said none of this makes sense.
Howard asked if they're going to contact anyone else. Chris said the profile is still up. He said he should take it down. Chris said that he woke up this morning and there was an offer of $250 for him to do stuff.
Howard said this guy pledged to eat his own dick if the price of Bitcoin didn't go to a million bucks. Howard played a clip of McAfee talking about that.
Howard said a documentary came out about McAfee in 2016 and women talked about how he wanted them to shit in his mouth. Howard played a clip of a woman talking about him having her do that. Howard said he has Sal's vote. Howard said there's nothing you can blackmail him over now. Howard said he doesn't care.
Howard said that's a weird thing. He asked Gary if he has ever met anyone like that. Gary said no. Chris said no to that too. He said he had one guy who wanted him to pee on him in the shower and he said no to that.
Howard played more of John McAfee talking about this stuff and saying that it's his body and his choice. Gary said that he gets nervous when a guy says that he has never forced himself on a woman when that wasn't the question.
Howard said this isn't this guy's first run at the white House. He said he ran in 2016 as a Libertarian but he didn't get the nomination. He said he still announced his candidacy for 2020. He said he has to campaign in exile. He had audio of McAfee talking about how he hasn't paid his taxes in 8 years and he doesn't care. He said he's still running even with all of that going on. Howard said he likes this guy. He has to do his interviews in 5 minutes or less or his call can be traced. Howard played another clip of McAfee doing an interview and he cuts it off because of the 5 minute time limit.
Gary said Wesley Snipes used to do those interviews talking about not paying his taxes and he ended up in jail. Howard said people read books about it and they think they can get away with it. Then they end up going to jail. He said they always end up in jail.
Howard said they will get you eventually. Gary said he thinks they had a guy who wrote a book about it on the show. Robin said he would urge them to join him. Howard said they'd be getting out of jail now if they did that.
Howard asked why he would call in with that. Bobo asked if he would have Jay on the show. Howard said he already talked about all of this. He said he already poured his guts out over it. He said he's asking questions that are similar to what they were already talking about. Bobo asked if he would have him on the show. Howard said he was conflicted about it. He already talked about it. He said he was kind of non committal about it.
Howard said this is Bobo's lamest call ever. He said he thinks he ran out of questions. He played a song parody about Bobo's awful calls to the show. Howard said he usually defends Bobo but not this time. He said he was on a roll today too. He said he was in a good groove until this.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that they spoke about this. She said she told Bobo she didn't want Jay on the show. Howard asked Mariann if she spoke to Bobo about this. Mariann said they did. She said she told him that she doesn't want Jay on the show. Howard asked what it is that makes Bobo call in with that. He already discussed it on the show and Bobo talked to her about it. Mariann said that he repeats himself and he doesn't retain anything. She said she's not sure why he's repeating his topic. Mariann asked why he would bring it up if she didn't hear the whole thing.
Bobo said he heard him talking good things about Jay and he didn't know it was Andy Cohen. Howard said the phone screener asked what his thoughts were on the Jay Leno comments. Howard asked Mariann if they talk about the show. Mariann said she wonders if he listens to the show. She said that she is a better Superfan than Bobo is. Bobo said he knows. Mariann was throwing out stuff about Sirius being in Toyota's and about Pandora so Howard said he'll get to that later.
Mariann said she has asked Bobo not to take her topic when he calls in. She said that he has done it to her before. She said she has to think about when he did that to her. She said she has so many topics in her head.
Howard asked if Bobo is more worried about calling in than about the show. He said it's the drive to get on the show and that's it. Mariann said they all want to get on the air. She said that Bobo isn't really listening. She said that he's listening but not really listening. Howard said she's giving him a headache. He hung up on Mariann.
Howard asked Bobo what's really going on here. He said he knew his thoughts on Jay. Bobo said he didn't know it was from Andy Cohen. Howard said he's not a real fan. Robin said no and it's ridiculous.
Howard said he heard a fact that Sirius is serving champagne in the lobby this afternoon to celebrate the Pandora purchase. Robin said they will probably serve it right after she leaves. Howard asked what time that's happening. Jason said at 2pm. Howard said that's way past their time.
Howard said Robin was supposed to show her titties at 30 million subscribers. Robin said no. She said they were supposed to do that at exactly 30 million but they flew right past that.
Howard read some of the details about how this company has become the largest music entertainment company. Howard said that they say the two companies will stay separate. He said that they will cross promote though.
Howard said he just realized something. He said when he was trying to figure out what to do with his future he met with XM. He said that he also met with Pandora and they weren't getting it either. He said now they own both of them. He said he can gloat even more. Howard said it's a good day. Robin said it's a great day.
Robin said that a lot of the nay sayers were the terrestrial radio station owners. She said they're struggling and going out of business. She said they have Howard to thank for that as well.
Howard said they have to be the most successful radio show in history. Robin said he's like Tom Brady. She said no one has don what Howard has done.
Howard said someone took out an ad about his show and how great they think it is. Howard said this was Adam Roush. He said that they took it out on the back of a magazine. Howard said they made him look like a cartoon in the picture they used. Howard read some of what Adam said about him. Howard said that would be a good thing to take out if you're into his show. Howard read some of the stuff Adam wrote about the show. Howard said it goes on and on. He naked the guy for that.
Howard took a call from Apples who asked if he saw Pete Davidson and what he's bringing home. Howard said he doesn't know what he's talking about. Apples said he's getting Kate Beckinsale. Howard said they talked about that. He said he thinks he's getting a ton of really hot ''vagina poosy.'' Apples asked who is hotter. Howard said Kate is to him because she's taller. Robin said she's not that tall. Howard said she's got to be taller than Ariana Grande. Robin said she probably is.
Howard said Pete is on a roll lately. Robin said he has that big dick energy. Howard said Fred has that too. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard said Steve was telling him about Largo having all of the cool people there and he only came up with Aimee Mann's name. Howard said he says only the coolest of the cool go there.
Howard said he has 10 minutes before the news to do something. He said he has a choice of either playing politician shout outs where they give a Baba Booey or something like that. He said they also have an assortment of trouble on the air like people cursing or saying something wrong on air. He said he could also play Snoop Dogg becoming irate at Madden Football for being down. He said it's funny to hear him going off on Madden football. Robin said she has to hear that. Howard said he also has Richard's dad. Robin said this is too much. Howard said he'll do Snoop today and the rest tomorrow.
Robin said she heard Michael Rapaport was going off on something too. She said she should show that to Gary. Howard said the Knicks should be winning. He said that it's getting to be too much.
Howard said Snoop Dogg was really pissed. He said they knew Snoop back in the say when he was a pimp. He said now he's going off on video games. Howard said he was so pissed that Madden 19 was offline that he went off on the company. Howard played some clips of Snoop going off on them about the Xbox servers not working and he never has that with Playstation. He said he might switch to Playstation because of this.
Howard said Madden was taken down temporarily when they had a glitch that made it possible to get free upgrades. He said they can't have that. He said that Snoop switched to another video game console with another rapper. Howard played another clip of Snoop telling EA to get the servers back up or he's switching to Soulja Boy's gaming box.
Howard said that's the commercial for Playstation right there. He said he's going to switch his gaming box over that.
Howard said someone from Madden contacted Snoop that it would be back up soon and that made him happy. Howard played the clip of Snoop talking about that too.
Howard said he likes that John Travolta is walking around bald now. He said it's about time. Fred was still in his Bobo impression talking about stuff that Howard has already talked about.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Bobo is a Superfan but he is an idiot. He said he called back around Christmas to talk about Bobo and Ronnie. He said they're both on the same page and equal intelligence. Howard said they tested Bobo and he was a moron though. He said Ronnie isn't a moron. The caller said Bobo is always adding numbers to his IQ.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he watched The bachelor last week for the first time ever. Howard said don't text him during the show because he needs to concentrate. Ralph said that show has to bum him out. He said that white chick was so evil to that black chic. He said it's the worst of humanity. Howard said it's not the worst. He said that the worst is people who shoot cat's eyes out.
Howard played a Bachelor talk theme song since they were talking about that. Ralph said all of the girls are crazy on the show. Howard said that's why they watch. Ralph said the show was shocking. He said people should watch it. Howard said the girls are all hot on the show. Ralph said they're 3s. He said there was one woman who was completely delusional. Howard told him to go back to staring at the floor. He said he shouldn't watch. Ralph said it was just awful. Howard told him not to ruin it for him.
Howard said he loves The bachelor. He said that he loves women battling over a guy who doesn't have a job. He said it's just so great. He said one woman was talking about how he bought this other woman all of her clothes and she has no idea that he didn't pay, ABC paid. Howard said tonight they are promising a game changing bomb shell.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking about all of the details of The Bachelor with Ralph. Howard said no one was more obsessed with being on radio and he still found time to get pussy. He said this Bachelor should have been able to find pussy while he was playing football. Howard said that this is chicks in bikinis fighting over a dude. Robin said they're in love with the guy right after meeting him.
Howard said all of the women say the same thing. He said the all say how difficult it is to date a guy who is dating other women at the same time. Howard said no shit because you're on a TV show.
Howard said Ralph is now part of Bachelor Nation. He said that he's been a part of it for a while now. Howard asked what this guy is going to do when he gets into the honeymoon suite with the girls. He asked how he's going to seal the deal. Howard said this is crazy. He said he may not have ever seen a naked woman. He said he's going to slip his dick in there and go ''Eww! It's slippery!'' Howard said this guy was in the NFL and he's a virgin. He said that his fantasy suite is a room with a football in it and no pussy.
Howard said Ralph is going to love the show. He said he'll get to love Chris like he does. Ralph said he loves how he just pops in and throws something out there. Howard said the show is awesome and it has everything he wants in a show. Ralph said that black chick was so upset when she didn't get that rose and the white chick was enjoying it so much. Howard said you have to keep watching. He let him go after that. Howard closed out the Bachelor discussion with that theme song. Howard said he has to take a break and then get to Robin's news. They went to break after that.
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Robin started her news with a story about this Knicks player that Michael Rapaport was going off on. Robin had some audio of Rapaport going off on this player. Howard asked if Michael ever calls his neighbors and warns them that he's going to be yelling for the next 5 minutes. Robin said he does go off so she hopes he lives out in the country where he has no neighbors.
Robin said everyone is getting onto the GOAT thing. Robins said that people are saying that Tom Brady is the GOAT and he was too much for Goff. Howard said it means the animal that eats tin cans. Robin said the GOAT is the Greatest of All Time. Howard said he knew that. Fred played some of Jim Breuer's Goat Boy clips while they were talking about that.
Robin read a story about how 17 million workers are expected to call in sick today because it's the Monday after the Super Bowl. Robin said people all party the night of and they don't go to work. Howard said he was in bed at 6 and he shut his eyes at 9. He said there was no party going on. He said Robin asked if he was ready for some football like she was all peppy. Howard said he wrote back ''No!'' He said he's so disciplined about his job that he won't stay up. Robin said she watched in bed. Howard said Beth was sick. He said she went to L.A. to do the Ellen show. He said she came back and got sick and he knew it was going to happen. He said she doesn't sleep. Howard said she packs it all into 24 hours out there. Howard said she was promoting the Kitten and Cat Bowls. He said then she got on the plane and she was all jacked up from Red Bull. He said now she's sick and she has a fever and the chills. He said that he worries about getting sick so much that he doesn't touch anything she's touching. He said he goes into the room with her and she's coughing.
Howard said he was watching the Super Bowl with her and he figured he was going to get sick. He said he checked out her ass when she walked out of the room and he got over that fear. He said that they had to sleep in separate bedrooms. He said that he can't get sick. He said he didn't get to go to L.A. to have fun. He said she did this whole media blitz out there. He said he just went into his room and painted the whole weekend. He said he's also working on a secret project. He said he took time off from that too. He said he's not sure why it's even a secret. He said it shouldn't be but he made it that way. He said he's close to being done but he has to do some stuff to get done.
Howard said he just painted the whole weekend. He said he drew pictures too. Robin asked if he looks for inspiration. Howard said yes. He said it's no wonder his ass looks like cottage cheese. He said he's building a giant robot. He said that's his secret project.
Robin said Howard may have thought that 2018 was the year of the pig based on how many men were outed for their harassment. That led to Howard and Robin talking about Les Moonves and how he's going to hire a lawyer to try to get his golden parachute pay out. Robin said this year is actually the year of the pig for the Chinese. Robin said that people will be welcoming in the year of the pig tomorrow night. Howard said how about getting with the rest of the world and their calendar. Robin said this year is the earth pig on the 60 year calendar. Robin said she has no idea how this calendar works.
Howard said there's a tape of a congressman talking about year of the dog. JD told Howard what it was and how he was asked about the Chinese new year and he said that. Howard said this is really wacky. He played the clip and the guy was saying that this is coming into the year of the dog. He said that some people don't like that Chinese people eat dog but we eat bunnies over here. He said he doesn't blame them for eating dog over there. The guy said we have to stop attacking each other's ways. Howard said this guy is from Orange County California. He said he lost the election in 2018 so that's good. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin asked if the Super Bowl should be a national holiday. Howard said no. He said get to work on time. He said move the game to the afternoon. He said he doesn't like that the games are on so late. Howard had fake Tom Brokaw on the phone to talk to Robin after she mentioned him earlier. The guys in the back had edited clips of Tom that they played. Howard had a conversation with the Tom clips. The guys had Tom saying really crazy stuff.
Robin read a story about another blackface controversy. Robin said the governor of Virginia, Ralph Northam, had a page from his year book where a kid was in blackface. Robin said that he had a nickname of ''coon boy'' and in the picture one person was in blackface and another was in a KKK outfit. Howard asked which is worse. Robin said at first he said it was him but he couldn't remember which one he was. Now he's saying it wasn't him. Robin said he gave this press conference over the weekend that had reporters confused. Robin said they asked him about dressing up like Michael Jackson and putting on blackface. Robin had some audio of the governor talking about that. Howard said he should double down and just wear blackface to the press conference. Robin had Howard play more of the audio and Northam was asked if he can still moon walk. He said his wife said that's inappropriate circumstances. Robin explained what just happened and how he was looking for space to do it on the floor and his wife stopped him from doing it. Robin said this guy has no judgment. She said his wife is there to hold him back. Robin said that President Obama actually endorsed this guy when he was running for governor. Robin had some audio of Obama talking about Northam. Howard said we get it, no one knew. Robin said that he just never owned up to his past.
Robin said whenever this happens there are a lot of black people who say that all white people are racist. Robin said this guy says he will not resign. She said they brought out Al Sharpton to comment on this. She had Howard play that clip. Robin said Al was asked about Gladys Knight performing at the Super Bowl. Robin had Howard play Al commenting on that.
Gary told Howard the blackface thing was in the medical school yearbook when he was 25 years old. Robin said she doesn't think that's correct. She said she thinks that's high school. Robin said if you're thinking of getting into blackface, just don't think about doing anything else in life. She said it will come back to haunt you.
Robin read a story about the former Florida secretary of state saying that he had to resign after a photo came out showing him in blackface in 2005 at a Halloween costume party. Robin said he's blaming that on revenge. Robin said just don't give them that chance.
Robin read a story about Sarah Huckabee Sanders being interviewed on a Christian Broadcasting network and she says that God wanted Trump to be President. Robin had Howard play that clip. Howard said that has to feel good. He said he knows god didn't want him to be governor. He said no one is on his team. Robin said she was really shocked by that. Robin said no one asked if God is in on every election. She said that no one asked her a follow up. Howard said he'd like to ask her some questions about that. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the president giving his pre-Super Bowl interview. She said he continues to attack the press and the Mueller investigation. She said that he hasn't decided if he's going to pardon Roger Stone. Robin said that they also asked him the football question and Trump said that he's not sure he would let his son Baron play. Robin said he's only 12 and he's taller than his father. Robin said he should be playing basketball. Howard said he agrees with him on the football thing. He said he's not sure he'd let his son play if he had a son. Robin had more about what Trump talked about in his interview. She had some clips to play too.
Howard had fake Sarah Huckabee Sanders on the phone to comment on the earlier discussion. Howard spent a couple of minutes with her before moving on to a live commercial read.
Robin asked if Howard saw the show that was on after the Super Bowl. She said it was very bizarre. Howard said it looked like America's Got Talent. Robin said Mark Burnett did a rip off of America's Got Talent. She said that they got people from all around the world to compete against each other. Robin said Drew Barrymore is one of the judges. Robin said they spend too much time with the judges on the show. She said they have to tighten that up. Howard asked if they have a judge that secretly tries to steal another judge's job? Robin said not yet but she's sure that could happen.
Robin read a story about Jussie Smollett going out in public for the first time since he was attacked. Robin had some audio of him talking about how he will only stand for love no matter what happens. Howard asked when that attacking for someone being gay is going to end. He said it has to stop.
Robin said King of All Blacks mentioned rapper 21 Savage being arrested for allegedly being in the country illegally. Robin said he has always said he was from Atlanta but he's actually a British citizen. Robin had some clips to play to figure out if they can hear an accent. Howard said it sounds like an American to him. Robin said he's not. Robin said he had a year long visa that was issued 5 years ago and he should have left after that. Robin said they finally caught up to him.
Robin read a story about how there are like 10-12 people who want to be running for president in 2020. Robin said Cory Booker has now joined in. Howard said he tried to set Robin up with him. Robin said she knows. Howard said she could have been first lady. Robin said it's not too late. Robin had some audio of a commercial Cory did for his big announcement. Robin said someone from Hawaii has also joined the race.
Robin read a story about the new M Night Shyamalan movie ''Glass'' being number 1 at the box office once again. Robin said it has made $88 million domestically. Robin read about the other top box office movies and wrapped up her news. Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Howard started the show talking about how these airwaves are his canvas and he's not sure how he's going to paint them. He said he was in bed around 9 last night. Robin asked what he was doing. Howard said he was watching TV and he masturbated. He said he watched some YouPorn. He said it was kind of sluggish last night. He said he hasn't seen the spinning wheel thing in a while. He said that happened last night. He said other stuff was streaming fine. He said he went to PornHub instead. Robin asked if he ranted on Instagram. Howard said he didn't do that. He said he went to PornHub and that was streaming slow too. Robin said they might be the same company. Howard said maybe they are. Robin said they might be having a server issue.
Howard said he was actually jerking off to frozen images. He said it would freeze on this was a step mom and step daughter porn. He said the daughter had a mini skirt with her ass hanging out. He said the mom got her some boots. He said while she was putting the boots on she could see her panties so she checked her out to see if she can turn the boy on. He said she asked her to take her bra off to make her more attractive to the guy. Howard said the girl was like 27 but she was supposed to be high school age.
Howard said the girl takes off her bra and the step mom feels her up. He said she gets her nipples hard. Howard said don't follow these parenting tips. Robin said it doesn't sound like the video is freezing. Howard said it was coming in 10 second increments. He said it would freeze and he'd have to jerk off to the frozen image.
Howard said the daughter says she's going to put her bra back on but the mom says no. He said she had her put her shirt on. He said the daughter was very good looking. He said so was the mom. He said it was high quality. He said the guy shows up and he's disgusting. He said he was kind of fat. He said the boyfriend spills water on the floor and the mom is cleaning up and she pulls the guy's cock out and starts blowing him where the daughter can't see. He said that's as far as he got. He said it was freezing every 10 seconds and he's there rubbing his penis.
Howard said it was like playing musical chairs while he was watching. He said he was done and he mellowed out after that. He said it's disgusting that he has to do that. He said it's like vomit coming out of his body. Fred played a ''get the poison out'' clip. Howard said it really is like a poison. Howard asked where they found that guy. Robin asked if that guy is still around. Howard said he was just asking that too.
Howard said he should be beyond that at this age. He said he's not sure what happened. He said he should be an elder statesman at this age. Fred played more ''get the poison out'' clips.
Howard said they say if you keep this thing moving you don't get prostate cancer. He said you have to get that stuff out. Robin asked if he's disgusted as soon as it's out. Howard said it feels good at that second but then he has to turn that shit off. He said he thinks he's disgusting and yells at himself. He said he has to clean up after that. He said it's horrible.
Howard did an impression of his mother and talked about how he was on the phone with her yesterday. He said he's glad he didn't have this stuff when he was a kid. He said it would have given him a warped view of the world. Howard said the mom was asking if the girl had seen her boyfriend penis. She hadn't. Howard said she was asking about how big he was and things like that. He said the mom was going to help them do things right. He said his mom never helped him out. He said there's never a dad in these videos. He said he's at work while they're at home doing this stuff.
Robin said Pam Anderson has been pointing out that porn isn't life. Howard said it actually is. He said the dad is at work paying for all of this shit in the house. He said this guy is working at least 8 hours a day if not more. He said he's on the train. He can't afford a car. The step mom is running around impressing the high school kids. He said the porn sensitizes you to what's going on out there.
Howard said no one is loyal. He said the dad must be a loyal guy. He said this woman is blowing all of the high school kids. He said the dad is out mowing the lawn and the kids are throwing eggs at him because all of the kids know what the mom is doing.
Howard said porn will teach you a lot. He said just cum and get out though. He said don't over analyze it. He said the step mom was hot. He said he can't believe the hot chicks they get to do porn. He said they could get something going that's legit. Robin said look at how many hot chicks there are. She said all of the good jobs are gone. She said then you find yourself in porn.
Howard said these chicks could marry a super rich guy. He said they're on film bleaching their asshole. He said this girl was hot. He said she could get Bob Kraft. He said that he'll buy her gifts. He said she could even get to coach Belichick.
Howard said he thinks the problem is that hot chicks move to L.A. to be movie stars and there are too many Margot Robbie's running around. He said they end up being waitresses and they don't get acting jobs. Robin said she hears some porn chicks talking about how good an actress they are in their porn. Howard said he'll show Robin the acting in this video. He said pretty soon reality smacks you in the head out there in L.A.
Howard said the girls go out there and try to be local news women after the acting thing fails. He said then they have to find something else. He said they're an extra making $200 a day if you can get it. He said then you end up in porn to make money and the money is good there but you're taking 2 cocks in your asshole. Robin said they're gaping. Howard asked what gaping is. Robin tried to explain it. Robin said it's a bunch of guys doing something to a girl and seeing how big her ass is.
Gary said Sal is really into this. He said it's when a girl pulls her asshole open as big as she can. Robin said the guys have done something to her first though. Howard said Richard wants to come in and demonstrate gaping. Robin laughed.
Howard said he still has to do the Richard's dad thing. He said he'll play that today. Richard said it's his birthday today.
Richard said gaping is when you spread your asshole open. Robin said it has to be more than that. Robin said she heard a full explanation the other day.
Howard told Richard to do his thing. Richard said he showered last night so he shouldn't be smelly today. Howard said Richard has a bit of a belly. Richard said it's hard to run in this weather. Howard said he's a lot fatter too.
Richard got down on his back and had Gary pull his feet up. He did his gaping demonstration. Gary said he thinks that he farted when he sat down. Richard said he might have. He said he was gaping so it just comes out. Ronnie came in and said that's not gaping. He said it's just showing your asshole. He said it's when a guy fucks your ass and pulls out and the ass stays open. He said that the girl can shoot out a load from your ass too.
Howard said Memet just said this should be their Super Bowl commercial. He said everyone will tune in.
Robin thanked Ronnie for that because she knew it was more than showing your asshole. Richard said he's saving that for a special occasion. He said that's when they get to like 150 million subscribers.
Memet said they don't put Howard in the commercials. Howard said he's getting older. He said that they have to sell the business without him so it's about the music and sports. Memet said they're going to try but fail. He said they need Howard as the face of the company. Howard said he's not sure how to explain business to him. Memet said this is the business he knows. He said Howard came in and made it huge while they were failing. Howard said they wanted to attract an audience. Howard said he's the one bringing people in. He said they don't need a Super Bowl commercial.
Howard said he wondered how Memet does in the writing meetings. He said Gary said he's got good ideas. Memet said he pitches stuff that ends up on the air all the time.
Howard asked how he fixed the commercial. Memet said he was thinking about it last night to see what they could get away with. He said they do the spoof of the Apple commercial and they have him wearing running shorts running at the screen in slow motion. He said his shorts are so tiny that his ball pops out of his shorts. He said it's pixelated of course. Howard asked why he would do something they can't show. Memet said it's funny. He said he heard the criticism yesterday. Howard said he has to go. He said this is worse. He said go back to the dildo. Memet said the tag line would be ''Comedy has balls again.'' Howard said he has to go work for an advertising agency. He said imagine he goes in and pitches something like that. He said he'd be a big hit.
Gary said Memet did some research and found the commercials that were banned from the super bowl. That's where this one would end up. Memet said that would be great too because everyone would want to see it.
Howard asked Fred what he should do with that kid. Fred said you take his ideas and bury them in a box under 6 feet of cement. Howard kicked Memet out of the studio.
Howard said how about that this is the best thing they can come up with where his ball pops out. Robin said this is saying you're for dummies when they laugh hearing a fart. Howard said just goof on the late night hosts who aren't funny. Robin said she was wondering if they're on late night. Howard said he called all of those guys to see if they could do the commercial to show that they're boring and lame. Howard said Colbert said he wouldn't mind being tea bagged in the commercial. Robin said James Corden says yes to everything. Howard said what an idea.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him to get rid of Memet. He said the guy is an idiot. He said he works all these years to become a legitimate interviewer and he wants him to show his balls. He asked what's wrong with that guy. He also asked if he could have a day where fans call in and pitch ideas. Howard said no. He said people email them all the time. He said he's not short on ideas.
Howard said he pitched an idea where they dig up Johnny Carson's corpse and he fucks all of the late night hosts with his femur bone. Howard said of course he's in blackface as he's doing it. He said you see him digging up Johnny and you wonder why he has the femur bone. Then they cut to all of the late night hosts and even throw in Busy Phillips. He said then he takes the bone and pokes them while they're gaping. He said they have to pixelate all of that of course.
Howard asked what they think of his pitch. Robin said good luck. She asked who he's pitching that to. Howard said it's pretty funny.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he can't believe that he's giving Memet another shot at the commercial. Howard said he'll keep giving him a shot. He said he wants to hear him keep perfecting it. The caller said that people would hit the roof if they saw a dildo in a commercial. Fred did his impression of Memet talking about his commercial idea and how they all shit all over his ideas.
Howard said he didn't mean to leave Conan out of there. He said he'd be in there too. Robin said she wasn't sure if he was going to be in it.
Howard jokingly said there was a commercial where Jay Leno raped Steve Allen's widow. He said it was a big hit. He said they had to move it to the internet because it was so outrageous. He said everyone tuned in for that. Robin said there are companies that make commercials that get rejected just so they can get rejected. Robin said that's like GoDaddy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Memet is kind of good looking but thinks he's gorgeous and he's kind of smart and thinks he's brilliant. He said he's really not that smart. Howard said there's a lot of controversy over Memet. He said he has some email about him too.
Howard read some email about Memet where people were going off on him about the way he acts on the show. Howard had a bunch of feedback about his commercial pitch. Howard said people think that he should be canned. Howard said they do appreciate Memet actually. He said he has a million of these.
Howard said Memet says he's the only one who has ''real world experience'' out there in the office. He asked if he wants to explain that. He said Gary worked in Hempstead Long Island in a store.
Memet came in and said he was in the air Force for 4 years. He said then he came there. He said he has had other jobs but the guys there haven't had that. Howard said the other guys have had other jobs. Memet said not everyone has been in the air force. Howard said Richard was an electrician for 12 years. Memet didn't answer. He was defending himself over the email and things like that. Howard said lots of writers worked for other shows. He said Richard was an electrician and a drummer. Memet said he'll just speak for himself. He said that he's never been coddled in his life. He said that he's struggled. Howard asked if he's feeling beat up over the email. Memet asked who gives a shit.
Howard asked what Brent thought of his commercial idea. Memet said that he said it was brilliant. Howard said he might have to fire him too. Howard asked if Brent was serious about that. Brent came in and said he told him it would never clear standards and practices. He said that if you want to get people fired up that's the way to do it. Howard said he can go take a rest too. He said they know that it's great getting people fired up. He kicked Brent out.
Howard said this guy says Memet is radio gold and he might have a high IQ but he sounds dumb. Howard read other email about Memet and someone asked if he can pawn him off on Jimmy Kimmel.
Howard said he brought Mancow on his show to talk about him. Howard said hearing these two talking about him makes him sound like the funniest guy in the world. Howard played that clip and Mancow talked about Howard skull fucking his father's skull on the day that he died. Howard said it makes him sound so funny. Robin said he's saying it like it actually happened.
Howard played another clip where Alex was playing clips from Howard's show and talking about it being true scumbaggery. Mancow said he shouldn't be giving him any press because he's a mouthpiece of the deep state.
Howard played another clip of Alex playing clips from their show and complaining about what they're doing. They had made fun of Alex's food that he sells and Alex was defending the way they make their stuff.
Howard said you can't be the Weekly World News and then complain about people making stuff up about you. He said he was making fun of Alex's real show. He played a clip of real Alex talking about Sandy Hook being a fake thing set up with actors. Howard said that's what they were making fun of.
Howard said he has Alex Jones on the phone to talk about this. He took a call from fake Alex who was saying that he has stolen his identity and Howard is funded by abortion companies and things like that. Howard said no one even hears Alex now. Alex said that he's off because of people like Howard. Fake Alex as going on and on about the fake Alex that they have on the show and how he makes up stuff he's never said.
Howard asked fake Alex about the stuff they put in their food. Fake Alex ended up doing a commercial for some stuff they sell on his show. Howard said he must be doing him a favor for helping him get his product out there.
Fake Alex said he has Howard Stern on his phone. He took a call from fake Howard Stern who sounded just like fake Alex doing an impression of Howard. He even had the theme song at the start and end and then Fred plugging the Wrap Up Show.
Fake Alex sang a song before he got off the line. He was singing about a bunch of conspiracy theories. Howard said he guesses they've made some sense there. Alex got in his plugs for his InfoWars show. Howard let him go and said he loves that.
Howard said that was exciting. Robin said it was nice to have him there. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard said Ralph got him a thing that shows you different ways to tie a scarf. He said he tried number 3 today. He said it really helped his look. He laughed.
Howard said he left the house with wet hair so he fears getting a cold. Robin said she was in the airport one day and she wanted to tell a guy why she was wearing the hat she had on. She said the guy thought it was a religious thing but it was after she lost her hair from Chemo.
Howard said he got to work and they have this ritual every morning that they have to change. He said they have the app and they're on TV so he has to fix his hair. He said that they have an iPad that they tape him on so he can see what he looks like. He said he'll go spruce up in the mirror. He said they show him video of him eating every day. He said he's all hunched over when he's eating and Beth tells him that every day. He said that she says that he told her to tell him. He doesn't want to hear it though. Howard said he's all hunched over and he's 6'5'' so he's awkward about his height. Howard said it takes a lot of energy.
Howard said he should tie a string to a gun. He said that way it'll shoot him in the head when he hunches over. Robin said her cat had to get eye drops and she was trying to get it into the right position and it was under her breast so she wasn't able to see his eyes. She said everyone has issues. Howard said people don't have trouble walking upright though. Robin said they're short.
Howard said the guys show him the video and he runs his fingers through his hair. He said it's the same thing and he looks horrible. He said he thinks he's going to change the iPad thing.
Howard said he showers in the morning and he puts gel in his hair. He said it kind of solidifies and you get a shiny look to it. He said it's like having that Jeri-Curl stuff in his hair. Howard said he used to have Toni come in and do his hair but he should be able to do it himself. He said he doesn't want a glam team. He said he doesn't want to be camera ready. He said he's not when he's on that app. He said Fred is never camera ready and he looks fine. He said he can't come to grips with the fact that he's not good looking or young anymore. He said it should have happened to him. Robin said there's only one way to fix that. Howard said he's not going to do that.
Howard said someone told him the other day that he's gotten better looking. He said he can't believe that. He said they were lying.
Howard said someone wrote in about Memet's commercial idea and said they should dress him like a bad cowboy and have him trampled by bulls.
Howard said that Bobo got a lot of negative feedback about his call yesterday. Robin said they should stop taking his call. Howard took a call from Bobo and said that Robin said this is the last time he's picking up on him. Bobo said he can't retain some of this stuff and he didn't remember them talking about that. He said that it's called Father Time.
Howard said people hate Bobo the most, then Memet and then Osama bin Laden. Howard read another email about Bobo where they said that he just wants to be on the air and doesn't care about the subjects he's asking about. Howard said he's probably done 20 minutes on something when he calls in with the same question. Howard said someone wrote in about him showing up at his third daughter's birth. Howard said Bobo had to ruin it by sneaking in with his parents. He said that Bobo told his mother that he was a fan of the show. Bobo said he regrets that.
Howard played a ''Hang up on Bobo'' song parody. He read some more email about Bobo after that. Howard said this guy says Bobo will do anything to get on air. He said that they don't believe his vacuum story. Bobo said that was real. He said he did stupid things when he was young. Robin said they have told stories about people who have fucked a household vacuum and he probably stole that. Bobo said he didn't steal it. Howard said he believes that story. He said he loves how he's begging them to believe that story.
Howard read more email about Bobo and someone said that it's time to punish him. Robin said if you just want air time that's fine. Howard said someone said they should call him Bobo the occasional listener instead of a superfan. Howard said someone said he should have to take a test to prove he listens to the show and if he fails he should be banned from the show for the rest of the year.
Howard asked Gary to ask Bobo a question about the show. Gary asked who Alex Jones just talked to on his show earlier. Bobo said it was about Howard and the products he sells. Gary asked who the guest was. Bobo said it was Mancow Muller. He said he remembers that. Howard said he was on hold with that. Gary said you never know with him.
Howard said he thinks the guys are working up a question for him. Bobo said he has a great question. Howard told him to hold on.
Robin asked what movie Richard watched instead of the Super Bowl. Bobo knew that it was Ghoulies. Bobo said it's not fair to condemn someone over that.
Gary asked what Brent paid for his wife's breasts. Bobo said it was $7,000. He got that one right. He knew they were silicone too.
Howard read more email and had some about the new flirty Gary phony phone call. Bobo asked what Howard thinks about this Liam Neeson story in the paper. He said he had racially charged comments about something. Howard asked Bobo what his thoughts are instead of giving his. Howard asked what he thinks about the black bastard comments that Liam said. Bobo said he's upset about them. He said he watches the guys in the movies and it makes him think that he's going to take someone out. Howard said Liam went out looking for revenge on any black man he could find. Bobo said he would think that he could kill any black man that he ran across. Howard said great segment, right?
Howard asked if Liam should resign. Bobo said it was a long time ago. He said that's tough. Howard asked if he should resign from Hollywood. He asked who should replace him. Fred did his Bobo impression saying he should be replaced by The Rock or Helen Mirin. Howard said even Bobo can't answer his own questions in an entertaining way. He said that's how bad the questions are. Howard said they're making a movie about Bobo's brain called ''Taken.''
Howard said this is a great call by the way. He said from now on he's going to ask Bobo his own questions so he realizes how bad his questions are. Bobo said he's turning the tables on him. Howard did his Bobo impression and asked him dopey questions. Howard said this is why people hate Bobo. He can't even answer his own question. Howard asked who cares about that question.
Bobo asked if it's topical. Robins said it's not about that. She said he didn't call in and say anything. Howard said he could just read the paper and comment on it all. Robin said if Bobo called in with a thought it might be interesting. Bobo let out a grunt. Howard said if he called in with a comment about Liam Neeson then he'd be a good caller. He said he just presents him with front page news stories.
Howard had Bobo read the Liam Neeson story from the paper and then did an impression of him reading the story and asking him about it. Howard said this is what he would tell someone not to do when calling into a show.
Howard read stories like Bobo does and he would sniff like Bobo does after making a comment. Howard asked what the fuck is going on. He said it's fucking crazy. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Bobo asking questions and sniffing. Howard said he has to scramble to come up with something after he calls in. He said even King of All Blacks calls in with an opinion. He said people might hate him but at least he has an opinion. Howard said he has to get out of this. Bobo said he does. Howard made up dopey questions that Bobo could ask him.
Howard said here's King of All Blacks who is going to comment on Bobo. He picked up on him and King told Bobo what he thinks about the Liam Neeson story. Howard said Bobo doesn't even care about Liam Neeson. Bobo said he loves him as an actor. Robin said the only reason he brought it up is because it was all over social media. King said there is something mentally wrong with people who wear toupees. He said no offense to Bobo. He said they think other people think it's real. He said that's the mental part of it. Howard said that's what King has over Bobo. He said he has an opinion.
Howard said if Bobo called in about John Travolta looking better without a toupee and now he's thinking of taking his off, that would be a good call. Bobo said that would be a good call. King asked why he still wears it after everyone has goofed on it. Bobo said he fights with himself over that every day. Howard said just take that fucking thing off. King asked why he still wears it. Bobo said it's the fact that people have seen him like this and the transformation of him taking it off would be hard. King said that was a good answer. Robin said he should come in there and unveil. She said they get to trash it so he has nothing to wear home.
Howard read another story like Bobo does. Howard said he loves the thought of Bobo fighting with his toupee at home. He read more stories like Bobo and would ask him for his thoughts. Howard said Bobo should read the entire New York Times to him and ask him for his thoughts. Bobo said he's working on something about marijuana. He said it has caused a lot of increase in accidents in the states that made it legal. He said it keeps getting worse. He said it should not be legalized. Howard went into his Bobo voice again and read another news story asking for his thoughts.
Howard went through the marijuana thing again with Bobo. He said that people drive drunk too. Howard argued that people smoke pot and drive and people drink and drive so they should ban both. Bobo said that you have to wait to drive a car after smoking. Howard said he has to go.
Howard said Bobo admitted he texted and drove. Bobo said he did that at a red light. He said it was a long red light. He said it was like 3 minutes long.
Shuli came in and said that Bobo is in a car texting behind the wheel. He said he admitted to it. Bobo said he never said that. He said he didn't get where he is in life by doing that. He said that there's a loophole in Florida about it. Bobo said it's a secondary offense in Florida. He said they can give you a violation down there if they see you doing something else. Shuli said it's a loophole that he can get through. Bobo said he did it just once at a red light, case closed.
Howard said they say that marijuana smokers are at far less risk of crashing than drinkers. Bobo said that's not true. He said case closed on that. Howard said just call in with your thoughts from now on. Shuli said Bobo once took ideas from behind his back and threw Sal under the bus over that. He said that's what a big fan he is of the show. Bobo said the show has been his life. Howard and the guys were all sniffing like Bobo.
Robin said she loves that he thinks he has a great call after all of his calls have been the same all these years.
Howard read another news story as Bobo and asked for his thoughts. Robin said that snort is him making a statement that it was a ''good one'' when he says something. Howard and the guys were all sniffing like Bobo. Howard said he might be sending them Morse code. Howard sniffed out some Morse code.
Bobo said he has a nervous condition. He said he doesn't know he's even doing it sometimes. Howard said sniff twice for help. Shuli said he's like Lassie. Bobo said he actually had nose surgery years ago where they broke the bones in his head. Howard and the guys goofed on him about that too. Bobo said they pulled the packing out of his nose and it was like they pulled his brain out. Shuli said they know.
Howard said you have to love that guy for staying on the phone and taking all of that. He let Bobo go after that. He said that you know he'll call in tomorrow with the same kind of question. He did his impression of Bobo calling in tomorrow about Trump's state of the union speech. The guys were all sniffing and snorting like Bobo. Howard made up more nonsense that Bobo would talk about. He had him talking about his nose.
Shuli said you ask anything about Trump and he just regurgitates whatever he heard on the last news program he watched. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard asked if he wanted to be in radio or did his voice change and he had to do voice work. Alan said he's done voice work for 37 years. Howard said he didn't have a great voice as a kid but hew wanted to be in radio. He asked if Alan wanted to be in radio. Alan said he grew up in Minnesota and he went to a high school class to read a speech and when he walked out of the production studio a guy asked him if he wanted a job. He said he was a sophomore in high school. Howard said he would have given his left nut to have that job in high school.
Howard asked Alan what he got paid to be on the radio back then. Alan said it was part time but his first full time salary was $800 a month. He said this was after high school. He said he was going to go to college but he had this radio job in Brainard Minnesota. Howard said it's funny with that voice. He asked if people take him seriously when he's in his every day life. He said it's almost distracting. He said it's hard to hear what he's saying. Alan said he can't talk in a restaurant or a lobby. He said that they look at him wondering what that freak voice is. Howard said that was some announcing he did at the Super Bowl.
Alan said he can't whisper. He said there is no difference. He said he talks and it's the same.
Howard played Alan introducing Gladys Knight at the Super Bowl. He introduced her as the Empress of Soul. Alan said he was cracking up at Howard talking about him yesterday. He said that he's going to change everything that he does. Howard said he has his dad on the phone who taught him everything he knows. Howard had one of the guys in the back with a really deep voice. Howard asked Mr. Roach what he taught his son. He said he taught him everything he knows. He said when he was born his balls weighed more than he did.
Mr. Roach put his mother on the phone and she had the exact same voice. Howard asked if Alan's dad really had a deep voice like that. Alan said he actually did. He said he was a car salesman. Howard asked if he does announcing like that all year. Alan said he does the Vikings announcing and other football announcing too. Howard asked if he had to audition for that job. Alan said not anymore. He said it's just meeting people who have heard him do his work.
Howard asked how deep he can go. Alan said he'd need some warm up. Howard asked if he can do a woman's voice. Alan did a little bit of that for Howard. He was able to get it up high.
Robin asked if he can do commercial announcing. Alan said he could but he's not as good at it as the other guys. Howard had him say Welch's grape juice just to hear what it sounds like. Alan did that too. He said maybe this is his launching pad right here. Howard said he's being serious there. He said that he imagines he has an enormous package. Alan said he's not sure he'd say that but... Howard said they say that a guy with a deep voice has big balls.
Howard asked how old Alan is. Alan said he turned the same age of the Super Bowl every year. He said he's 53 in a month. Howard said he wouldn't know.
Howard said he's looking on his web site about all of the stuff he does and how he does weddings and birthday announcements. Alan said he does have a lot of fans who hear his voice at the games and they want him to introduce them. He said he doesn't do them live though. He records them. Howard asked if he ever has phone sex. Alan said not recently. He said he is married.
Howard asked if he can say ''Luke,I'm your father.'' Alan said he's done that a lot. He did it for Howard.
Howard said this is wild. Alan said he's doing the Olympics and things like that. He said it's a wonderful gig. Howard said it's great that he gets work for having that voice. Robin said she thinks that he could expand into movie trailers and stuff. Howard said forget the fan stuff and get into that. Alan said he hasn't updated his web site in 4 years or so.
Howard had Alan repeat after him to hear what it sounds like. He had him say ''You rang.'' and ''Hey now!'' Howard sounded impressed. He had him say ''This is CNN.'' He did that and Howard said that's the kind of voice. He had him say ''Kneel before Zod.'' Howard asked why he never worked for Z-100 or anything. Alan said he is uneducated and unmotivated. Howard said if he were him he'd be doing 4 hour shifts on a station. Alan said he has approached a lot of agencies. He said that if they don't get knocked out of their chair then it doesn't work.
Howard asked if he doesn't really have an agent. Alan said that they say his skill levels aren't there. Howard said this is Alan Roach. He had him do a little more of that Super Bowl announcing. Then he played some of the audio from the game.
Howard said Alan should be doing radio shows. He said he should have a catch phrase too. Alan said he could use Baba Booey. Howard wrapped up with Alan and let him go. He played more of the audio of him announcing at the Super Bowl. Howard said he loves that ''Chloe and Halle'' introduction. He said this guy gets $350 for introducing a couple at a wedding. Howard said people think this job is more rewarding but it's really not. He said you need one of those voices.
Howard did more of his announcer voice impression and said that Spyder Harrison might not make as much money as he does but he's probably happier than he is. He said he doesn't have to write jokes all day. He said he likes when his mom and dad called in. He said he can't believe that guy doesn't have an agent. He said he could be getting a ton of work. Robin said they need new blood at the Oscars and stuff like that. Howard said that has to be the greatest gig. He said that's what he was going for. He said his father told him he didn't have the right voice for that. He did his dad's voice for a few seconds.
Howard said Alan has to get to L.A. and out of Minnesota. He said that's where the work is. Howard did more of his impression of Alan announcing at the Oscars. Howard said you can't have anything controversial there.
Howard did his Alan impression announcing at the Academy Awards where they don't have a host. He was introducing ''nobody.'' He said this guy is living in Minnesota. Robin said he's in Denver actually. Howard said he probably has a nice house and he's probably reading the paper there. Robin said he gets to fly all over the world too. Howard said it sounds like a pretty good life to him. He said tell that to a guy driving a cab.
Howard said no one asks him to read commercials except on this show. He said then you're walking around sounding like you should be getting paid to talk. Robin said he did say he can't talk in a restaurant because of that voice. Howard did his impression of Alan ordering his meal at a restaurant. He did it like it was a commercial read. Howard said that's awesome, just awesome.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she wanted advice on how to lower her voice. Howard said it's just a gift from God. He hung up on her.
Howard said Tan Mom is doing it now too. He played a clip of Tan Mom doing one of her videos. Robin said she's not sure she gets what this is. She said she may not know what this is. Howard said Tan Mom says she's an influencer. He said that's her job. He said that's code for trying to find yourself.
Howard said this is a clip of Tan Mom leaving a message for someone named Bob but it was supposed to be for someone named Kristin. He played that clip and Tan Mom was talking about herself more than ''Bob's'' special day. Howard said she has to work on that sound. He said the people wanted a message for Kristin. He said that she said she was taking time out to do it for her fans but she's really doing it for $45.
Howard said in this one she leaves a message for Jason about the importance of homework. He said she seems really dedicated to helping this kid. He said she went on for quite a while. Howard played the clip and Tan Mom was talking about how important homework and school are. She said you can put your homework into music and sing out your homework. She said that taught her a lot. Howard stopped the video and asked if she's saying that he should sing his homework. Robin said she is. Howard did his Tan Mom voice talking about that a bit. He played more of Tan Mom's message where she was giving the homework advice.
Howard said he wants to meet the person who contacted her to do that for her kid. He asked if this is for real. He said it must be for $45. He said she's the hottest thing since Debbie Gibson.
Howard said she sends a shirt for that $45 too. Robin asked if she realizes that she's trying to make money. Howard said if you're on Cameo they must take a percentage of that money. He said if she's sending out a t-shirt that has to be cutting into the overhead. He said she's not mailing that shirt so she has to pay someone to do that for her.
Howard played more of Tan Mom's video for Jason and she said she loves this kid and he has to find motivation. She said she has 5 kids herself. She said that he can wear the shirt she sends him and she'll send him a CD to motivate him. Robin asked if she's doing more talking. Howard said she's saying that she wants to hear his singing. Robin said she's saying she'll send him back something of her. Howard said she's going into Oprah Winfrey territory. He said she's like Tan Winfrey.
Howard said take a guess at what they did. Robin said they called her. Howard said they called her as Jason the homework kid. He said wait until you hear that.
Howard played more of her message and she was still going on about this kid Jason and how much she loves him and wants him to go to school and do his homework. Robin said if you need help with that stuff just tell her and she'll send you her address. She said she loves this kid more than anything. Robin asked how old this kid is. Howard said he must be like 40. Tan Mom said he's free to be Jason.
Howard said when they listened to this they were like someone has to be Jason and get help with his homework. Howard said here we go. He said this is Jason calling Tan Mom for help with his homework. He said she falls for this stuff every time. He said Jason sounds like he's 50. Howard played more of the call to Tan Mom and Jason said he's calling to get help with his homework. He asked what the Civil War was and who was the president. Tan Mom said that it was Jefferson. She said it was like 1600 when it took place. ''Jason'' asked Tan Mom when the cold war was and what lava is. Tan Mom said this is very tough on her this early in the morning. Jason asked who JFK is. She said that he was shot by John Hinckley.
Jason asked what 5x3 is. She said it's 15 but then she said 11. She also said that the He in H2O stands for ''Heinstein.'' Tan Mom said she has to go so Jason confirmed her answers before letting her go.
Howard said she said she would do anything for this kid. He said she helped him with his homework. He said then they had to have Jason's mom call to yell at her for messing up her son's homework. Howard played the call they made to Tan Mom. The mother said that her son is being moved to Special Ed after he used those answers in his test. The mom said that she gave him the wrong answers. Tan Mom got all defensive and said she didn't give the wrong answers. Tan Mom told the woman to fucking relax. She said she's going to the bank to buy a house. She hung up after calling the woman a bitch. Howard said kids, give her a call.
Howard said Tan Mom and Sal would be a perfect couple. He said they know about the same amount of stuff. He said that was great. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard did his Steve Brandano voice a bit too. Howard asked where they did this. Robin said at Largo. Gary said it was for the movie ''I Am Sam.'' He said it had all Beatles songs in it. Robin said that's where he went full retard. Howard wondered about Aimee Mann doing this song and said she probably wears a t-shirt with no bra. He said she is good in this song. He kept doing his Steve Brandano impression and talked about Largo.
Gary said he was at Largo and saw a bunch of people there. Howard asked him about that and found out he saw Bobcat Goldthwait there. Gary said he was very cool with him and didn't seem angry at all. Howard said that's good to know. He seemed worried that he was still angry with him.
Gary said this was Nick Kroll and friends and they all come out and talk about how they wrote their stuff and things like that.
Howard took a call from Rocky Pendergast who was at Largo as they spoke. Howard spent a minute with him. Rocky was telling him about all of the cool people who go to Largo.
Howard said Bobcat was on the show years ago and he told a heartfelt story about Kurt Cobain and he was being an asshole to Bobcat. He said he said he wasn't really friends with Kurt and that upset Bobcat. He said he was trying to be funny and he ruined yet another relationship. He said it wasn't even humorous. He said it was just silly. He said he does like Bobcat. He said he doesn't think he ever forgave him. He said he never came back after that. He said he felt bad about it.
Howard asked Gary what he talked to him about. Gary said he talked to him about his daughter and things like that. He said it wasn't really much of anything. Howard said he saw a picture of Gary hanging out with Adam Levine's wife at the Super Bowl. He asked if she's hot. Gary said she's beautiful. He said that everyone was out except Adam. He said he had to save his voice. Howard said that's the curse of being the lead singer. Howard said that was some picture of Gary with Behati.
Howard asked if Largo is as cool as Steve says it is. Gary said it's almost like a gymnasium and it's got a bar next to it. He said they do these nights where they host some parties and it's all about the people who are there. He said anyone can get in there though. He said his son has gone to see some shows there.
Howard said Gary was quite the hob knobber. He said he stays home while Gary goes out and has fun. He said he has to perform and Gary gets to be the bass player and he can party and still come into work and function.
Robin said she knows that Gary doesn't feel bad when he's the shortest one in the picture. She said everyone is taller than Gary in his family picture. Gary said even his dog is taller than him.
Howard did his Gary impression and goofed on him about going out there. Gary said this is how they get good guests. He said he's hoping to get a big guest by the end of the year. Howard asked if it's Tom Brady. Gary said yes. Howard said they've been working on him for 17 years. He said everyone in that family is perfect. He said he's going to ask if there's anything going wrong in his life. Robin said his mother had cancer. Howard said everyone's family has cancer.
Howard said Gary and Steve are going to go to L.A. to pick up more guests for the show. Gary said they might end up at Largo. Howard said he knows. He said he doesn't have to explain. Gary said this is part of the Grammy's week. Robin said it's always around a big event. Gary said that's when everyone is together.
Howard said they're playing for $500 courtesy of Welch's grape juice. He said they showed Underdog pictures of celebrities and Steve has to guess if she knows who they were. Howard said this first one is a practice one. He said they showed her a picture of Osama bin Laden. Steve said she'll know. Howard played Underdog's answer and she said ''Osa binlaba.'' Howard said they would have accepted that. He said that Steve would have been right on that one.
Howard said this one is for real this time. He said they will give him 5 opportunities to win this. He said they showed Underdog a picture of Dick Clark. He asked Steve if he thinks she'll know. Steve said she will know that one. Howard played Underdog's answer and she said ''Dick Clark.'' She had her mouth full of food when she answered. Howard said he has to hear that one again. He replayed the clip of her mumbling out her answer. Howard said he has a new sound effect for Fred. Gary said that was a 2 week old cake. Howard said it sounds like it was still good.
Howard said they showed Underdog a picture of OJ Simpson. Steve said that's interesting. He said he'll say yes. Howard said OJ was the biggest news ever. Steve said she should know that one. He said she can throw a curve ball once in a while. He said he's sticking with yes. Howard played her answer and Underdog said that's Redd Foxx. Howard said he was with the guy. He said he doesn't know how you don't know OJ. Robin said she was shocked she got Osa Binlabin.
Howard said you have to think like a woman who freezes Arby's sandwiches. Howard said Steve has one wrong and one right. Howard said they showed her a picture of Peter Dinklage. Steve said she won't know that one. He said no way. Howard played her answer and Underdog said she doesn't recognize him. Shuli told her who he was and she knew him from the Underdog movie that was trash. She explained why it was trash to her.
Howard said they showed Underdog a picture of Brad Pitt next. Steve said he thinks she'll say yes. Howard played her answer and Underdog said Don Ameche. They told her he's Brad Pitt. Underdog said Don Ameche looks very much like that. Steve got that one wrong. Howard said he has to get the final one right.
Howard said they showed Underdog a picture of Paul McCartney. Steve said that she will know that one. Howard played her answer and Underdog said that's Paul McCartney. Steve won the $500 with that. Howard said he brought them through the whole game. Steve said Howard made his day. Howard put him on hold to get his prize.
Howard said they asked Underdog about Robin. He asked if she knows who she is. Robin said no way she'll know. Howard said she has to know who she is. He said she's a monster in Underdog's head. Howard said this is what she said. Howard played her answer and Underdog said she doesn't know who that is. Howard said he finds that hard to believe. Underdog guessed who it was after they gave her some hints. Underdog said she's just as bad as Howard Stern is. She said Robin had her gown too low on her chest when she saw her last. She said that people go to hell for sins of the flesh.
Howard said that's how she remembers Robin. Howard still had Steve on the line so he put him on hold.
Howard asked if she can identify Liberace. Robin said no. Howard played her answering and Underdog did not know who he was. She said if he had one of his flamboyant capes on them maybe she could have gotten that one. Howard wrapped up and ended the segment. They went to break after that.
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Howard said he got some email about flirty Gary yesterday. He said people loved that. He read some of the mail he got about that call. He asked Robin if she wants to hear that call again. She said she did so Howard replayed it. That's the call where the guys had clips of Gary call a gay guy they met through the Grindr app. They had him throwing out all kinds of goofy pick up lines.
Howard said that guy had all kinds of good comebacks for those lines. He said Gary is still on Grindr and people are still begging him to respond. Gary said he was asked to go into a room as a third member of a sex party. Howard asked if it was two dudes. Gary said it was.
Howard said he likes when he calls dudes. Robin asked if he's going to go gay now. Gary said that his wife says she has no recollection of him asking if it was okay to do it. He said she wondered when they're going to take it down and he wasn't sure when so she looked annoyed at that.
Howard said it is time for news. He said that there were other comments about Richard in the email. He said that someone was wondering how Richard found a wife and procreated. He said that was mind blowing. Howard had some other mail about Richard and his filthy jeans.
Howard had some email about Richard loving his teams and stuff and the guy said it's no different than Howard loving his shitty music. Howard and Robin said it is different because Richard loves everything the same.
Howard said that someone wrote in about Robin's news and how depressing it is. Howard said she may have to read more positive stories.
Howard said even Mike from Maine has some haters. He said someone wrote in about his awful laugh. Mike was on the phone so Howard talked to him for a minute about that. He quickly let him go and moved on to the news.
Robin read a story about Disneyland in Paris holding a LGBTQ mouse celebration in June. Robin said it's called the Magical Ride Party. Howard asked if Flirty Gary will be there. Robin read more details about that event.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling from Wisconsin. Howard asked how could it is there. The guy said it was like 10 today. He said it was -40 wind chill the other day. Howard asked if heroes outside at all. The caller said he does not but he lets his dog out and lets him come right back in.
The caller said he watched the cat Bowl and Beth is amazing looking. He said he had never seen her before. He said it's amazing what they did with the North Shore stuff. Howard said he should be congratulated for marrying her. The caller said he had no idea how smokin' hot she is. Howard said she was home coming queen at her high school. He said no one like him gets a woman like that. Howard said it really is amazing. He said he's so lucky. The caller said he's a big animal lover so he loves to see that stuff. Howard said Beth is up at 3 in the morning feeding kittens and things like that. He said this is awesome. Robin said she is amazing. She said she'll send her pictures of her cats and she says she doesn't send them enough. Howard said she breast fed 8 kittens last night.
The caller asked if he can pitch an idea to him. He mentioned something about a Real World kind of thing and Howard told him to stick to other stuff and hung up on him.
Robin read a story about a woman who was half naked and masturbating in public. Howard said he looked her up and she's not bad looking. He said she wasn't as bad looking as he thought she was going to be. Robin said she doesn't have a bad face. Howard said she could be Mrs. Fred Norris if she plays her cards right. Robin said this woman was in the street holding a silver object to her privates with her legs straight in the air. Robin said a hotel worker heard the woman and she got caught doing that on the patio of this place. Howard said Brent and Katelyn should ask her to swing.
Howard said he has a caller on the line who says he's at the parade in Boston. He took the call from the guy who said this should be what they do for Howard. The guy said there are like a million people out there. He said they're all getting drunk. Howard asked if anyone has eaten animal shit yet. John said he doesn't think so but people are going to be crazy today. He said he has never seen so many police in his life. Robin asked when the Patriots are supposed to show up. John said they were supposed to be there at 11. Howard asked if he's drinking. John said he's an Uber driver so he doesn't drink. Howard said that Uber is the greatest thing ever. John said he called in the other day about the woman who got stabbed. Howard said he has to go after hearing his phone cutting out again.
Robin said she was upset about the Liam Neeson story in the paper toady. She said she goes to see him in anything he's in. She said she even goes to see him in plays. Robin said she has voted for his success with dollars. Robin said Robin Roberts got Liam Neeson. She said he was on Good Morning America this morning. Robin had some clips for Howard to play. Howard explained that a friend of Liam's had been raped and it was a black man who raped her. In the clip Liam asked what color this person was and she said it was a black person. Liam said he was hoping that he'd be approached by someone. He said he was ashamed to say that but he was hoping some black bastard would come up to him so he could kill him. He said that lasted for like a week and then he wondered what he was doing. Robin had clips from the interview that Liam did for Howard to play. Liam said he had to go to therapy and did power walking to get over this. He said it was nearly 40 years ago that this happened. Robin Roberts was explaining to Liam why it was wrong to say what he said and how scary it would be for black men to hear that.
Robin asked if that's enough of an apology. She said a lot of really crazy things could have happened there. She said none of that came into play at that moment. Robin said people go to jail over things like that. She said it's all ridiculous. She said Liam didn't think of a lot of things he did back then when this happened. Howard said he has to digest all of this. He said maybe Robin should run for President in 2020.
Robin said in 1921 a mob killed a bunch of black people and the dead were buried in mass graves in Oklahoma. Robin said they're going to be trying to find those mass graves. Robin said if every man had the rage that Liam Neeson had then we'd all be in trouble. She said that if black people had that rage and took it out on random white people then it would be real trouble. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin asked if Howard is familiar with Bea Smith. Howard said he is but explain who that is. Robin said she was a model and she started her own restaurant. She said that it was in the theater district. Robin said her husband was there and they'd walk around greeting people. Robin said she wrote 3 cookbooks and had her own TV show. Robin said Bea had wonderful food and a wonderful atmosphere. She said the other day she and a friend were wondering what happened to it. She said it turns out she got early onset Alzheimer's. Robin said that happened 6 years ago and they've been documenting this on Facebook. She said she isn't really Bea Smith anymore. Robin said the husband has been talking about how he went into a depression after his wife came down with this Alzheimer's. Robin said he recently announced he has a girlfriend. Robin played some clips of him talking about why that is. He said you can't let your life shrivel up. Robin said that has sparked a lot of controversy. Robin had some audio of the girlfriend talking about what it's been like.
Robin asked Howard what he thinks about that. Howard said everyone wants a fairy tale story of life but that doesn't happen. Robin said her father had Alzheimer's and it was tough for her mother. She said that things are really hard. Howard said he would prefer that Beth not date while he's around and has Alzheimer's. He said that seems like a living hell. Howard said he's not going to judge this guy on this. Robin said he's still taking care of her. Howard said most people who are judging are fucked up themselves. He said people are dicks when it comes to animals. He said they'll just give up on a pet when they can't take care of it. He said Beth deals with it instead. He said people do fucked up things with these cute little furry things. He said he doesn't know who these people are. Robin said she thinks that you should be happy in your life while you're here and what he is doing is fine. It's okay with their daughter from what she's heard too. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a video that came out about Michael Jackson in a deposition. Robin said he was asked about being a pedophile. Howard asked if the tip of his nose was gone in that. Robin said he was fiddling with the bandage on it. Robin said it was an opportunity to get to see Michael. Howard said he's a scary guy. Robin had some clips for Howard to play. She had one of him laughing uncontrollably. Robin had a few clips that she had Howard play. They had Michael talking about how he doesn't bleach his skin and all of these other things that were written about him. Robin said this case was brought against him by some of his employees. Robins said Macaulay Culkin has talked about this a little bit lately too.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that they were rattling on with that Bea Smith story and then Howard went right to that commercial. He said it was great. Howard said his judgment is much appreciated. Robin said she may have gone to Bea Smith's with Ralph. Ralph said they did.
Howard said Ralph is in Bachelor Nation now. He said he's calling the show about he show now. He said that he claims he's not in it but he really is. Ralph said he doesn't want to watch it but then something happens on the show and he has to see what happens. Robin said he's a fan. Howard let him go after that.
Robin read a story about Newt Gingrich defending President Trump's work schedule after his schedule leaked. Robin said it has hours of ''executive time'' listed on it. Howard said he does executive time after the show. He said he goes to his office and sleeps. He said he goes to his chair and curls up in it. He said he has a big picture of him and Beth in there. He said he has some Munsters toys in there and his chair that he sleeps in. He said it's like a lame Bat Cave. He said it takes him an hour to straighten his neck out after his nap. He said he has it all set up in here to sleep. He said he eats his egg sandwich in there and then passes gas. He said he's thinking about that egg sandwich now. He said Ronnie brings that up in a thermal bag. He said he goes back and sits down and farts up a storm. Then he passes out like a baby. He said he sees Ronnie's face and he starts to salivate. He said he's like Pavlov's dog.
Robin said President Trump is going to deliver his State of the Union address tonight. Howard told Robin about some of the other things that happen in his office when he's back there. He needs 20 minutes of quiet back there and he stops all work. He said he loves executive time. Robin said there's a drinking game that goes with the state of the union address tonight. Howard said he doesn't like drinking games. Robin said he doesn't like reporters reporting on politics like it's a sport. Robin said after the shutdown everyone was shouting that Nancy Pelosi won. She said this is not a game. She said that the Super Bowl is a game. Robin said we all lose when it happens like this. Howard did a live commercial read before Robin could finish that story.
Robin got back to the drinking game story and told Howard when you drink depending on which side you're on. She told Howard all of the details.
Robin read a story about the Late Show with Stephen Colbert being live tonight after the State of the Union.
Robin said that Trevor Noah commented on the pictures of the Virginia Governor. She had some audio of him commenting on that story. Robin said the governor says he needs more time to think about what he's going to do before he announcing it. Robin said the Lieutenant Governor has some charges being brought up against him so that's trouble too. Robin said she's not sure what's going to happen in Virginia.
Robin read a story about the El Chapo trial that's going on and had some details about that.
Robin read a story about Andy Cohen having a baby via surrogate. Robin said he posted on Monday night that he has a son now. Howard said he's not sure how he's going to do this because he's such a social guy. Robin said he can't get out of it now. Howard said congratulations to him.
Robin read a story about how hard it is to get kids to brush their teeth and when they do they may be using too much toothpaste. Robin said they may be using too much because they like the taste of it. Howard said flossing and picking your teeth massages your gums. He said he's a proponent of that. Robin asked if he's for that even with small children. Howard said you have to get the shit out from between your teeth.
Robin read a story about the first round of presenters for the Academy Awards. Robin read the list of names for Howard. She wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started the show talking about how he was thinking about the guy who called in with the deep voice yesterday. He said he did the announcements at the Super Bowl. He said he was thinking about his dad who called in with the super deep voice. He said he wishes they could do 4 hours of that today. Robin said his mom had a real deep voice too. Howard said he loves silliness.
Howard said he has been bringing the silly on for 40 some years now. He said he wasn't so silly in the beginning. He said he's been doing it a long time. Robin said that is a long time. Howard let out a sigh like he was exhausted. He wondered when he stops all of this silliness.
Fred played clips of Alan Roach saying ''Hey now'' and Baba Booey. Howard said you can't just walk around saying stuff with a voice like that.
Howard said he spent some time yesterday doing real work. He said he had executive time first though. He said he loves that they have that on the President's schedule to make it seem like something is going on. He said he's just hanging. He said that's what he enjoys most. He said when he retires he'll have plenty of that.
Howard said he likes that term. He said they're putting that on his schedule now for when he naps. He said that he used to put meditation. He said now it's executive time. He said he told JD that yesterday. He said it sounds better than going to take a nap.
Howard said they had a meeting yesterday. He said they're excited about the app. He said they were talking about the video stuff and how they'd like to present bands and music they love. He said they had the band Sponge come up and do their song ''Plowed.'' He said he loves that song. He said they did it there in the studio and they have it up on the app now. He said you can find it under the Howard Stern section. He said they're working on getting all of the music performances in there.
Howard said this song is really good. He said he wasn't aware of the visual performance. He said the lead singer looks like a biker dude. He said they came up and there was no audience. He said they did their thing in the studio and it has an intimacy because the studio is so small. He said they started doing ''Plowed'' and it's great to watch. He said he really misses that era of music. Robin said it was a hot time. Howard said the rock and roll was just so great. He said it was Guns N Roses and then Motley Crue dressing up like rock stars and Bon Jovi was doing their thing. He said then it was Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Jane's Addiction and so many others. He said it was a great time.
Howard said their station K-Rock celebrated all of that music. He said it was such a bad name for the station. He said he hated the name of the station. He wanted to be original instead of stealing K-Rock from a Los Angeles station. He said L.A. was KROQ and they were WXRK in New York. He said the station was great but the name wasn't good. He said they had great bands on the show. He said they were on a station that played a lot of music but they didn't play it. Howard said it was kind of depressing because the rest of the station never really caught on. He said New York isn't really a rock and roll town. Howard said they were listening to light rock and soft rock. He said they had a lot of black stations that were hits too. He said they were able to keep the station floating with their ratings. He said it was a cool time to be in music.
Howard said Sponge did this song and he's going to play it for you. He played the song ''Plowed'' that he was talking about. Howard said he didn't expect the lead singer to look the way he did. He said that he had a biker look and like he'd beat your ass. He asked what his name is. Howard said you have to see this performance. Fred said he thinks it's Vinnie Dombroski. Howard said you used to watch these guys and wanted to be them.
Howard played more of the song and said the video guys did a great job of editing. He said the song is really good. He said Vinnie looks like a real man. He said that he doesn't fuck around with his name either. He said he's a man and he's masculine. He said he's so fucking masculine. Howard said he sees he used to go by Vinnie DeCobra. He said he doesn't blame him.
Robin said the name Sponge brings up the birth control sponge when you search it. Howard said they were going for cleaning supplies. Howard played more of the song and said he's slightly gaping right now. He said this is when men were men. He said this isn't Justin Bieber.
Howard said he's not sure what he's even singing about but it sounds important. He said he loves how masculine this sounds. He said just listen to this. He said just wait until you see it on the app. He said Robin will touch herself. He said wait until you see Vinnie Dombroski. He said he was beaten up by so many poles that he has a reaction to Polish names. He said he got beaten up a lot growing up. He said he grew up in a black neighborhood and there were some Polish families that stuck around. He said that the white Polish kids kept beating him up when they'd get beaten up by the black kids. He said there was a lot of racial tension back then. He said he did unite all of the races. He said they all wanted to beat him up.
Howard said he remembers flinching when he'd heard a Polish name. He said now he's scared of Vinnie. He said that he remembers seeing white guys in his neighborhood thinking he was safe and then they beat him up. He said he's married to a Polish woman. He said he didn't flinch when he found out she was Polish. He said he did check her out to make sure they don't beat up Jewish people.
Howard said he was informed that the Polish people were very efficient at killing Jewish people as he was growing up. He said he did check with Beth to find out if they killed any Jews. He said that Beth told him that the family wasn't anti-Semitic. He said he realized they were on to something. He said they are the loveliest people. Howard said the world is changing.
Howard said he did get his ass beat when he was a kid. He said he didn't just sit there and take it. Robin said the beatings are supposed to stop. Howard said in the case of the 3 Polish gentlemen they beat him up in class and he hit one of them with a book. He said they wanted to fight him after school and he had to fight all 3. He said he got his ass beat and they left him alone after that. He said he showed up for the fight and did his thing. He said if he didn't show up then it would have been bad.
Howard said when you see these KKK guys they want to get rid of other races but even after they got rid of the other races they're going to find something in a white man to hate. Howard said he wishes that he could be like Steven Seagal fighting these guys. He said he did go to Karate for one lesson. He said his neighbor beat him up once and he was Italian. He said he used to sit on him and crush his chest. He said his dad took him to Karate to learn to fight. He said these guys were Korean and they didn't even speak English. He said he was in class in his Gi. He said he saw what was going on and he couldn't do that. He said they showed him how to flip a guy. He said he learned that and he was hip to it. He said the Karate teacher threw himself over his back so he knew he wasn't doing anything. He said the Koreans were beating him up.
Howard said he wishes his parents had forced him to do the class. He said they forced him to play piano and he can't play that. He said he wasn't even able to do a somersault. He said he knew that they'd laugh at him at class if he couldn't even do that. He said they would have taught him but his father said he had filthy feet so he shouldn't be there. He said he really just needed to move somewhere there were pussies like him. He said he thought if he moved to Merrick that he'd be fine. He said it was rough there. He said that became the promise land. He said he heard there were tons of white people there. He said Merrick was his Israel. He said when he'd get beaten up by black people he wondered why because he was the one white kid who stayed in their neighborhood. He said he was the last white man to be there. He wanted to live amongst black people. He said he wanted to date them and have black babies. He said he thought they would carry him on their shoulders like Rudy in that movie.
Howard said he wanted to get a group of black men to go to Merrick to beat up the white people there. He said when Martin Luther King got killed they wanted to beat him up. He said he was the one getting beat up even though he lived in their neighborhood. He said he didn't understand it. He said he was tall so he should have been able to play basketball but no one ever played with him so he sucked. He said he just sucked. He thought if he got to Merrick he thought he'd be fine. He said they finally moved out of Roosevelt because of him. He said his father blamed him for having to move.
Howard said his parents would go house hunting and they would yell at him. He said he'd ask if they went to Merrick and they would say no. He did his impression of his parents talking to him about all of that. He said he had to get out of Roosevelt. He said he thought he got beat up because he was white but it was just because he was a douche. He said his parents were looking in Freeport and Baldwin. He said that white people called Baldwin ''Baldwin Africa.'' He said his mother was fine with moving there into another black community. He said that they found Rockville Centre. He said he wasn't thrilled with that. Robin said she thought Howard didn't know anything but he knew all of this stuff about these areas. Howard said he had a lot of friends who moved so he knew about those areas because of that. He said they settled on Rockville Centre. He said he didn't think he'd get beat up there. He said the Arch Diocese was there and that's the center of the people who hate the Jews because they killed Jesus.
Howard said they moved out and their neighbors were crying because they loved his mom. He said his mom pointed him out to the neighbors and said he was the reason they were moving. He said his dad didn't know what he was even talking about. He said then his dad got in the car and they were driving off. He said he closed his eyes because he never wanted to see Roosevelt again. He said that his dad pointed out that the neighbors were crying as they drove off.
Howard said they pulled into the new neighborhood and there was an Italian restaurant there. He said his dad didn't care. He said he was trying to sell it to them. He said meanwhile it wasn't so crazy. He said they sold their house many years later and sold it for a couple hundred grand. He said it was a $50,000 investment. He said he paid $14,000 for the house in Roosevelt. He said it wasn't long before the white kids stopped saying hello to him. He said they found some kids who could beat him in school. He said that a bunch of them got beat. He said then he wished he was back in Roosevelt. He said he was under the delusion that he was being beaten for being white. He said what a nightmare childhood. He said it's been a bed of roses. He said now he's in a better place and soon he'll be dead. Robin said not everyone is having a great life. She said those people who do that in school don't end up having a great life. Howard said he's way cooler than those kids now. He said he takes pleasures in cool kids suffering. He said he likes to see them struggle in life.
Howard said he will never forget the day when one of the cool kids in high school came over and knocked on the door. He said he was at NBC and he was lighting the town on fire. He said the kid never said hello in school but he came over to say hi. He said he asked who he was. He said the kid said he lived a couple of doors down. He said he was in advertising and he bought spots on the station. Howard said the guy wanted to hang out. He said he just closed the door on the guy. He said everyone wanted to be his friend now but fuck that guy. He said that he didn't want to be his friend back in Rockville Centre. He said he is a self made man. He said he had nothing. He said he didn't have any guidance at all. He said the first time he was on the air he almost shit his pants. He said now he's friends with Billy Joel. He said fuck you everyone. Robin said she believed in him. Howard said she did. He said he's still not sure what's on Fred's mind. He said he was practically feral.
Howard said no one can take credit for him. He said he moulded himself out of the shittiest clay ever. He said that he had nothing. He was on his own. He said now Jimmy Kimmel is throwing him parties so fuck you.
Howard asked what it all means. Robin said it means nothing. Howard said he's not sure what it means. Robins said that's why everyone should be better to each other. She said we're all going through the same thing. Howard said that's right. He said we're all the same. He said he's actually thinking he's sub human. Robin asked what all of those assholes are then. She said they're all beneath him.
Howard said getting back to Sponge and ''Plowed'' you have to check it out on the app. He played more of the song. He said God bless Vinnie Dombroski. He said you have to see this on the app. He said he watched it like 1400 times last night. Robin said that might be excessive. Howard said he went up and watched The bachelor after that.
Robin said she watched The Bachelor from 2 weeks ago and she stopped herself because she can't take 4 hours of that.
Howard said the song is up on the Howard section of the app. He said they're going to do more and more of this with other bands. He said it's great to see. He thanked the guys for that. He said he has to take a break and then get to the panel so they can clean out the computer. He said he has a lot of material he hasn't gotten to. He said he has to have the guys do that or he'll sit there talking about his childhood for 4 hours.
Howard said the Super Bowl commercials work. He said he was watching the game and the commercial for Sketchers came on. He said they said they have slip ons. He said you don't have to lace them up. He said they look pretty nice and he likes to have something to slip on. He said his wife doesn't like him wearing sneakers when they go out. He said she will ask him to put on different shoes if he has sneakers on. He said he just wants to slip on at home though. He said he'd like to have a slipper feel but a shoe look. He said he got some Sketchers and he likes them. He said he got two pair and he's going to get more. He said the advertising works. He said they didn't even have to have a guy's balls popping out of his pants.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he likes Memet and he has to keep him because he thinks outside the box. Howard said he loves the kid. He said he's a good guy but he might come off weird on the air. He said he doesn't spend a lot of time with him but he seems fine. Howard said he has to try and explain this though. He said a Super Bowl commercial is a good idea but to say they should have a dildo thrown or have his balls hanging out is just weird. He said that won't work. He said it's like saying just shit on the ground like a homeless person. He said of course it would get people talking. He said how about he just pees on Angelina Jolie and the pixelate out her breasts. He said then he picks Jennifer Lawrence's nose and eats it. The caller was cracking up. Howard said he tries to tell Memet this and he doesn't get it.
The caller asked if he has ever thought of doing a bit where they talk about Clumpy stern and where he is now. Howard said that's a reference from Private Parts. He said he got a royalty check for like $2 the other day. Robin said she got 17 cents from a Letterman show. Howard said pretty soon he'll have to do some talk shows. He said he has a special project he's working on. He said he'll have to promote that. Howard said he wants to know where the old Letterman shows are airing. He said he'd watch those if he knew.
Howard took a call from a guy who talked about how great the video is on the app and all of that. He said they're doing an awesome job over there. He said he's getting teary eyed just thinking about how much he loves the show. He was getting choked up talking to Howard. Fred played a bunch of Alan Roach clips while the guy was talking.
Howard said he thinks Trump just wants to be loved. He said he was asking in all of the clapping last night. Robin said she had to go to bed early. She said she was still exhausted this morning. Howard said he was too. He said he slept for 9 hours. Robin said she was in bed at 7. Howard said he was in bed at 6:15. He said he was playing chess but he had to watch The Bachelor.
Howard asked Dave what's wrong with him. He thought he said he had a medical condition. The caller said he doesn't have anything wrong. He said he just loves the show. Howard said he wishes he knew him when he was growing up.
Howard said he had a writing meeting and he brought everyone in and told them that they have such a good team there. He said he's never been happier with his group. He said they work very hard on what they're doing. He said he's happy to hear that this guy is a listener. The caller said he loves it all. Howard said it means a lot. He said more callers like Dave should call in. Robin said he's getting the Richard / Mahomes treatment. The guy was just about crying talking about how much he loves Howard. Howard thanked the caller, Dave, over and over. He said he's his kind of guy. Fred played the Bobo ''Hashtag bald asshole'' clip to end that.
Howard said that was nice to hear. He said he sat his guys down and told them how he feels about them. He said he asked Benjy to leave. He said Memet's phone rang during the middle of his speech. Gary said he missed that because he had to go to Wrap Up. Howard said he just barreled through it. He said it was a notice me moment. Fred played a clip of Memet saying ''I like the attention.'' Robin said she was out in the hall telling the guys how good it sounded. She said it's rare that they get to say thank you.
Howard said Gary and Jon left but Steve Brandano got up and left the meeting too. Gary said he produces the Wrap Up Show. He said he books all of the guests. Howard said he didn't know that. He said he loves that kid.
Howard took a call from a fake caller who was crying over the show. He said he's more emotional than that last caller. Howard said he's the number one fan now.
Howard said they have to take a break. He said he has a lot to get to. He said they'll bring in the panel soon. He said you should check out the app to see Sponge. Robin asked why they only have dudes in there for the panel. Howard said he can bring in Ivanka. He said that way Robin won't feel alone in there. He said he thought she liked to be the only woman in there. Robin said she doesn't. Howard said they'll bring in another woman for Robin.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who was screaming about something. Howard just went to break.
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Howard said he's not sure if he'd interview him. He said he thinks he got his stomach stapled or something. Howard asked if that's right. Fred and Robin didn't know. Gary said he knows he talks about how he was very influenced by Howard. Howard said he thinks he got his stomach stapled. Robin said he might be right. She said he did lose 105 pounds in 8 months going from 265 to 160. Howard said good for him. Fred said it was a gastric sleeve. Howard said he's a nice guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they had a Sternthology with Suge Knight recently and he'd love to see the video of that. Howard said he'll look into that. The caller said he thinks Bobo should get rid of that toupee because Travolta looks good without one. Howard said they've talked about that already. Robin said they talked about it yesterday. Howard said if he was bald it would be awful. He said Travolta is a nice looking guy and he had that wig on and it looked ridiculous. He said he finally took it off and he looks handsome again. Robin said he always had a great face. Robin said Bruce Willis just went with it. Howard said if you're good looking you can pull it off. He said you can't walk around with that wig. Robin said you can't walk around looking like Bobo. Howard said John Travolta said that Pitbull told him to just go for it. He said he'd like to hear that conversation.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he liked that Alex Jones thing yesterday. Howard said they have video of that. He said he'd like to see it now. Gary said they're working on it and they should have it up by tomorrow. The caller told him to keep up the good work.
Howard asked why his TV watching is suffering. JD said that's his personal stuff. He said at work it's the same. Howard said he should watch more so he can do it for work. JD said he thinks he's still doing the same at work. He said he still does a good job. Howard said went in and checked on him yesterday. He said he was watching him eating a baloney sandwich. He said that it looked like white bread with one slice of baloney in there. JD said it was a couple. Gary said he thinks he's on a diet. Howard said it looked like a prison sandwich. JD said he's been doing this for the past couple of years.
Gary said JD went to eat Ethiopian in the past year. JD said he doesn't remember that. Gary said he posts a lot of pictures of food. He said he's been to the ballet, the opera, museums and more. Howard said his wife is really sophisticating him up. JD said he has gotten into different foods. He said he likes Thai food now. Howard said JD is like that Jodie Foster movie ''Nell.'' Robin said this didn't happen in his childhood so his wife is trying to make him human. Howard said he's out and about and she might be ruining him for the show. He said he also thinks he's a wine enthusiast. JD said he likes wine. He said he's watched videos and gotten books about wine.
Howard said someone said JD likes natural wine. Howard asked what that's about. JD said that he likes wine and he's not sure what they are. He said someone tells him what they are. Robin said that JD doesn't know what natural wines are. Robin said they are when they don't fertilize or irrigate. She said it's only natural things to control pests. JD said he watches a show called The Wine Show. He said they do wine in a cave and things like that. He said he'd do that.
Howard asked if he's thinking of becoming a sommelier. JD said he was thinking about it. Howard said he'll send him to school. Robin said you have to have an incredible palate.
Gary showed Howard some pictures of JD out with his wife at different places. Howard said he's at the opera. He said he's also wearing a corduroy jacket with a short over it unbuttoned. Jason said that was at Lincoln Center. Howard said he wasn't dressed appropriately. JD said his wife said it was fine. He said he did notice that people were dressed really nice. Howard said he should be dressed like the guy on the Monopoly box. Gary asked if he's going back there. JD said there are no set plans. He said he's not a huge fan of that ballet or opera but his wife is.
Gary asked what kind of food is his favorite. JD said he doesn't know. Fred played some opera and then a song parody with JD drops in it.
Howard said there's a picture of JD with a big plate of food in front of him. JD said that's on his wife's social media. Howard said she has to use him to build up her social media. JD said alright, fine.
Howard asked what he was eating there. JD said it was like chopped steak but it was like hamburger. Robin didn't know what he was talking about. JD said he would have went with a lobster roll. Robin said she's glad he's raising that profile. Howard told him to just keep watching TV. JD said he is doing that or playing Madden. He said it's fine.
Howard said look at his boy with the wine and Ethiopian food. He said he likes this new JD. Robin said Fred went through this transformation too. Fred said he never went to the opera or Ethiopian. Howard played some opera music and did his impression of JD ordering food for him and his wife. Howard went to break after saying he'll bring in the panel after the break.
Howard had JD in the studio so he kept going with the game. JD said keep playing. Howard said he is playing it. JD said he sees that. Howard and Fred kept going with their JD impressions.
Howard asked what this article is. He said Suzi Quattro is upset about her snub at the rock and roll hall of fame. Gary said she played Leather Tuscadero on Happy Days. Howard said she didn't do anything after that. Gary told Howard what her complaint is about people who did what she did after she did it getting into the hall of fame.
Howard asked if she should be in the hall of fame. Fred said no. Gary said no. Howard read some other things in the paper and said that David Gilmore is auctioning off 120 of his guitars. Brent said he's trying to get it down to 20 guitars. Howard said he doesn't need the money. Brent said he probably has enough money from just two albums. Robin said he may have spent it.
Howard read a story about Las Vegas having a stripper pride parade. Ronnie let out a ''Yeah!'' Howard said he and Robin slept through the State of the Union address. He said that Gary watched The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Howard said he got annoyed with that show. He said he tried to watch it. Gary said it's great. He said it's very campy. Howard said he doesn't like that. Gary said it's like a 40s musical. Robin said it highlights the woman's struggle going into the workplace. Howard said every time she wins an award he fast forwards through it. He doesn't care about her winning an award. He said he likes the woman who created the show though. He said she's fascinating to watch. Howard said Melissa Rivers says they're ripping off her mother's life story. Gary said it is kind of like her life story. He said there is something there. Howard said maybe Melissa is right then. Robin said it's a bunch of different stories there.
Howard said the Trump speech went on for like an hour and a half. He said Gary watched Mrs. Maisel and Jon Hein watched a basketball game. Jason slept. He said Brent watched the whole thing. Brent said he went to bed at 10:20. He said that teleprompter Trump is the boring Trump. He said he didn't get into a flow. He said he was eating up the applause. Howard said Trump rhymed at one point. He played a clip of Trump doing that. Brent said that was a threat. He said that he was saying the economy is going to crash and war will keep coming if they keep investigating him. Howard made up some of his own rhymes. He said it's interesting that he thinks the world will fall apart without him. Brent said that's a malignant narcissist.
Howard said that they say this economy is from Obama. Brent said things were bad in 2008 and Obama had the bigger lift. Shuli asked how his wife's tits are doing. Howard asked how they are. Brent said they are amazing. He said he has fucked her. He said what sucks is she has to wear two sports bras. He said he gets to massage them which is amazing. Richard asked if he puts his penis between them. Howard asked if Richard does that with his wife. Richard said no. Howard said women don't like that. Howard said Robin has never been tittie fucked. Ronnie asked what the sense is of having those things.
Howard took a call from Political Brent who was on the line to talk about the State of the Union. Fake Brent was rambling about the speech. Howard asked how his wife's tits are. He said they're amazing. He gave some stats on implants. He said thanks to the doctor who did them.
Shuli said that is just like what Brent sounds like. He said he spins around in his chair like a judge on The Voice and he'll ask about stuff in the news. Shuli said the last thing he wants to talk about is politics. Robin said Shuli is transcribing Beetlejuice clips. Brent said that he has to yell at Bigfoot on the phone and he's trying to do his work. Howard said maybe they should switch up the offices.
Brent said that he ran into Chris Christie out in the lobby. He said he made a weird face at the host of the show he was on and she brought him in to meet Chris. He said he was up there promoting his book and he was very nice. He said he said to say hi to Howard.
Howard said if you listen to CNN they say it was the worst speech ever and on FOX they said it was the best speech ever. Howard played some clips from FOX News where they talked about how remarkable that speech was. Howard then played a clip from CNN where they talked about how bad the speech was.
Howard asked what was up with the women wearing white there. Brent said it was them in solidarity. He said this is the most women they've had in congress ever. That led to Fred doing his Ronnie impression talking about them.
Howard asked why they wore white. Robin said you could see all of the white out there and they were all women. Brent said he loved how Trump took credit for women getting elected.
Howard said Lenny Dykstra said something about the women in white outfits and asked if there's going to be a wet t-shirt contest after. Howard said Lenny was on fire. He said he's watching thinking sex. He said they'll wet them down and see their titties. Fred did his Ronnie impression getting all excited about the wet t-shirt contest.
Howard said Robin complained about not having women in there on the panel so they have (fake) Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Ivanka Trump in there. Howard spent a minute talking to Ivanka about her dad. She said that she gives the speech a 10 just like her dad gives her.
Howard talked to fake Sarah a bit too. She said by the end of it America was gaping. She said she got a tear in her eye just thinking about it. Howard said he loves how she just tells it like it is. The women were talking about how ugly their panel is. Ivanka said they're a perfect 10 because it's five 2s.
Howard said he was talking to someone about how when women get their periods sometimes they get diarrhea. Ronnie said he lives with someone like that. He said she knows it's coming when that happens. Robin said she had never heard of that.
Howard said he has heard that women who work closely get their periods at the same time. Ivanka said she and Sarah share tampons at times. Sarah said that it's a force of nature they would not survive. She said her pussy is like a broken fire hydrant. Robin asked if she uses super or regular. She said everything she uses is super.
Ronnie said he likes this Sarah. Howard asked what he would do to her. Ronnie said he'd have to feel her out to see what she's up for. Sarah said he had better hope he doesn't get what he wishes for.
Howard said he asked the guys to go through the computer and bring up the stuff he hasn't gotten to. He said he'll get to that after the break. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and asked Fred what band he had playing. Fred told him it was Nate Bruce. Howard asked if it was on his playlist. Fred said it was. Howard said he must have heard it somewhere and put it on his list. Howard asked Gary if he likes this. Gary said he does. He said he had some hit songs and he did a duet with someone that he heard.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks he should run for President. He said he knows he's going to hang up on him but he thinks he should run. Howard asked who would want that. He said he accepts his nomination though. Howard said how about Human Numan.
Gary said Jason said there's no way that Trump weighs 235 pounds. He said that doctor is being hired again for the White House. Jason said he's making the mistake of having his tie too long.
Howard said Trump was having so much fun before this. He said it all backfired. He said he didn't expect to win. He said he doesn't give a fuck about a wall. He said he thinks that Roger Stone came up with the wall idea and Donald ran with it. He said it doesn't make sense. He said he doesn't give a shit about a wall. He said at Mar-A-Lago no one spoke English. He said he was there. He said Donald had a great situation going there. He said he was all set. Howard said Trump told him he could use his helicopter any time he wanted to. He said Beth said he probably meant that he had to pay but he could use it.
Howard said this Mar-A-Lago is 10 times better than Camp David. He said he had a great life. He said this was supposed to get him more money to host Celebrity Apprentice. He said the whole thing is out of control. Brent said he's 70 so how many more summers does he have. Howard said he's thinking about that himself. He said he has a friend the same age who asked how many more big paintings he has left in him. He said he could be dead tomorrow. Robin said you only get one new wine a year if you make your own. She said JD has to think about that.
Howard asked how many more wines does JD think he's going to drink. JD said leave him alone. Howard said Robin is right. He said that the White House is a dump compared to what Trump is used to. He said that he was having a lot of fun and now he could end up in jail if this Southern District of New York thing happens. He said he's under investigation and this whole thing could be trouble. He said fuck this and lets get to the computer stuff.
Robin said she's wondering why he can't get to the stuff under his eyes with his tanning. Howard said you have to cover your eyes. Robin said he's the President though. Howard said he's like Sal.
Howard took a call from a guy who said JD is trying to hide his wife. He said he searched for Howard Stern Show people and his wife popped up as the next suggestion. JD said good for you. Howard said he won't let her on the show but she's all over social media. JD said there's a big difference between the two. The caller said that it's less people on the radio show than on social media who see her. JD said he doesn't know what to say to that. Richard told him to defend his wife. Howard asked what the differences are. JD was trying to say something but he'd give up after the second word and let out a sigh.
The caller said Brent is willing to let people touch his wife's tits. Howard asked if that's true. Brent said if she's up for it he would. Howard said Ronnie goes first. Ronnie said he's excited about that. Shuli asked if they squeeze or lift them. Brent said gentle massaging right now. He said once they're healed they can squeeze them. Richard asked if he can touch Brent's cock. Howard asked what the hell he's doing. He said he's bringing up his cock while they're negotiating about his wife's tits. Robin said she loves how all of his jokes are doing something gay.
Howard asked what he wants to do to his cock. Richard said he wants to wiggle it around and make it talk a little. Howard asked what he means. Richard said he'll play with the head of his cock and make it talk. Howard said that's gay. Richard said he thinks it's just funny. Howard asked Brent if he's up for that. Brent said for a bit he thinks he would do it. He said he doesn't think Richard is serious. Richard said it's time to call his bluff. Howard said Richard has to be gay. He said he goes right to the cock while they're talking about tits. Howard said he wants to touch his cock and make it talk. Ronnie was cracking up. Howard said only a gay man would think of that.
Howard said Brent stand up and let Richard touch his cock. Brent said it's shriveling up in his pants as they speak. Howard said he has to see this. Brent said he doesn't think he's going to do this. Richard said he's going to play with it and jiggle it around. Brent took down his pants and Richard started messing with it. Howard told him to knock it off. Howard asked what that was. Brent said he didn't think he'd do it. Richard said Brent was pretty big too. Howard asked if he felt him growing. Richard said a little bit.
Howard asked if this could be a good Super Bowl commercial. Richard said he's not touching anything. Howard told him to go wash his hands. Howard said Pandora just backed out of the deal.
Fake Sarah Sanders said that if that was supposed to be a penis then she's part of the Black Caucus. She said he has to get to cleaning out the computer. Ivanka said Brent has a penis like her dad.
Howard said they have to get back to the point of this caller. He said the point that JD's wife is benefiting Twitter and Instagram and not the show is wrong. He said JD won't let her on the show. JD said there are aspects of her life that he doesn't want to get into. He said being on the show might not be good. Gary said that's his fear, not her's. JD said she cares less but she still has a fear.
Richard came back in and said he washed his hands twice. He said he's sure Brent's cock was clean though.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has been listening since WNBC. She said she got right through. She said she doesn't think that Trump would put himself through what he has if he didn't care what's going on in this country. Howard said he knows Donald's life and he saw a glimpse of it. He said he saw the lifestyle and he thinks he was happy. He said he thinks there's some misery in this. The caller said of course. Howard asked why she's busting his balls then. She said there's so much negative press. Fake Sarah said this girl is the only one with balls in this room.
Howard took a call from JD's fake wife who sounds just like JD stammering and mumbling. Howard spent a minute with her before moving on.
Howard asked Ronnie what he thought of that Richard thing. Ronnie said he can't deal with it. Howard said Richard is into guys. He said they were just negotiating with Brent about his wife's tits and he broke in with the cock stuff. Howard said he thought he was going to do it over the pants but he reached in his pants and pulled his cock out using it like a puppet. He said he missed what he even said when he had it out. Jason said Richard is very comfortable with the cock in his hand too. Howard said he thinks Richard handled some cocks back in the days in Kansas. Richard said he didn't back then. He said he helps make Howard laugh here so that's why he does it.
Gary asked if he would blow Brent to make $100,000. Richard said he thinks he would. Howard said they were talking about tits and Richard just said he would play with Brent's cock right now. Ronnie said Richard said Brent has to have some pleasure too. Richard said he wanted to do something right now. Howard asked if JD will play with Brent's wife's tits. JD said he doesn't know. Howard asked if he needs permission from his wife. JD said he might.
Howard asked Brent about his wife's tits and talked about how he's still got to be careful with them after the implants.
Howard said Liberace is on the phone to defend Richard. He took the call from the back office. Chris Wilding was doing the Liberace impression talking about how he likes Richard's humor. He told some jokes and did some knock-knock jokes with Howard. He was singing and playing piano too.
Howard said that Brent is saying that he's open to the idea of his wife coming in and having the guys feel her up. Brent said yeah. Howard asked about Memet. Brent said that he doesn't want Memet to ruin his relationship with his girlfriend so early on. Richard said he bets his wife would like other women to come in and feel her up. Howard said maybe JD and his wife. He said oh yeah, he doesn't want her on the show. Ronnie said they can handle her. Howard said Ronnie is a fan of that bit. Ronnie said he is but not of the cock bit.
Howard asked if it would be weird to have his kids in there. Gary said it would. Howard asked if Robin will feel Katelyn's tits. Robin said no. Howard said Robin has to have credibility. Robin said he has no interest in that. Ronnie said it's for the show.
Howard took a call from Hulk who was all angry about Robin not wanting to grab tits and Richard being gay. He said he's in a gay area at the very least. Howard had him calm down so he could speak to Dr. Bruce Banner. Howard asked Dr. Banner if he has found a cure for the Gamma rays. Banner said not yet. He said when he sees someone grab a dick something comes over him. He turned back into the Hulk after that. Howard said he never understands why he would want to stop being the Hulk. He asked to speak to Banner again. Banner came back and Howard asked why he would want to change back after being the Hulk. Banner said that's his torture through life. Howard said he can save the world that way though. Howard said they should talk more about Richard's cock thing. Banner turned back into Hulk and got all angry.
Howard asked if he will feel Katelyn's breasts when she comes in. Hulk said yes! Howard said how about they do a bit where Katelyn and Benjy get topless and they feel the titties to see if they can guess which one is which. Robin wasn't up for that either.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who asked if they'd let some wack packers feel up Katelyn. Brent said no way to that. He said he's okay with the guys there. The guys asked about some of the other Sirius employees. Brent said maybe to some. He said that Mad Dog is weird so that's probably a no. Howard asked about Trump. Brent said that would be a definite no from her.
Howard said how about they fly in Bubba. Brent said no way to that. Ronnie said he'll go pick him up. Brent said that would be her who wouldn't allow it. He said it's not that she doesn't like him but she knows him. Howard said how about Lenny Dykstra. Brent said no to him. He said maybe to Sway from Shade 45. Howard said they're going to leave it up to Katelyn to say yes or no to everyone.
Howard said the Les Moonves Puppet wants in too. He did his Les impression talking about that. Howard said no Memet though. Brent said that's right. Robin asked about Benjy. Brent said that's up to Katelyn. Howard said he thinks that's a no. Jason said they're finding out who Brent likes and doesn't like in there. Brent said they're finding out who someone else does and doesn't like.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Richard seems to think that the audience is a bunch of queers. Howard said stop it with that. Richard said he does not. Howard said it's just a couple of guys having some fun in there. Ronnie said Sal has to be upset about it. He said Richard has only touched his cock around there. Howard said if he plays with Sal's cock and there's some cheese in there it looks like he's vomiting.
Howard said he sounds like he's out of breath. Gary said he is a big guy. Jason said he let out a big breath after talking. Howard played another clip of the guys going off on Mike the next day. They were goofing on him doing impressions of him.
Howard said he has never listened to sports radio before. He said that must be what guys talk about. Brent said you can get the same thing from guys in a bar. Howard asked how many times you can talk about the same thing. The guys talked about how good Mike and Mad Dog were together. Howard said he's not a sports guy so he doesn't get it. Brent said it's not good radio even if you are a sports guy.
Howard asked what else Gary has. Gary said there's this guy John Stirling who calls Yankee games. He had him doing his thing with the end of a game where the Yankees won. Gary said he thinks he hurt himself in one of the last games he called. He had a clip for Howard to play. He let out an ouch when he did his signature ''Yankees win!'' Gary said his home run call is pretty well known too. He did his impression of that for Howard.
Howard looked through what the guys wanted to talk about. He said Brent has some stuff. Brent said he has crazy coaches. He had some audio of a CEO of a school who had a conversation with a college player and the player had recorded it. Howard played the clip and the guy was telling the guy what he could do to him if he doesn't do what he's told. He was going on and on about how he could screw him over. The guy said he was going to take everything from this player if he got out of line again.
Howard said this is a Christian school. Brent said it was the Nation Christian Academy. He said he gets the guy's emotion. He said his whole life revolves around these kids. He said he may have gone a little too far. Howard asked if that guy is still working. Brent said he doesn't think so. He said that he was interviewed about it and he didn't seem sorry for what he did. Howard had some audio of that too.
Gary said this was the CEO of the school so he's still there. He said he fired someone else over that clip getting out.
Howard asked what this next clip is. Brent said it's a youth hockey coach. He said this guy was giving a pre-game speech and he went a little too far. He said these kids are just under 14. Howard played the clip and the guy was yelling at the kids to reach their hands up these guys like they're hand puppets and things like that. The guy said he has no idea where he's heading with this. He was saying fuck these guys and fuck their wives. People were asking him to calm down. Howard asked if there were adults trying to calm him down. Brent said they were.
Howard asked if Sarah likes that style of coaching. She said absolutely. She said she's interviewing him for a cabinet position right now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's getting better with age like a wine. He said Francesa is number 1 for like 30 years. He said even if he hates him he has to give him that. Howard said he doesn't know the guy. Gary said he was number 1 and then he retired and then came back. Brent said he doesn't believe that he was number 1 in 12+. Gary said he was. Fred played Alan Roach's ''Baba Booey'' after that.
Howard asked what Brent has now. Brent said he has a Bobby Knight clip. He said he talked to Joe Buck about throwing a chair once. Howard played the clip and Bobby was asked about the chair and he said he sure did that. He said there was a lady on the other side of the floor who didn't have a chair so he threw it over to her because she reminded him of his grandmother. Gary asked why they're cheering bad behavior. Brent said he gets the emotion. Shuli asked how his coaching career ended. Brent said he got fired for cheating. He said they were a private school and they weren't allowed to recruit. He said they were doing that and the whole staff got caught cheating by the state governing laws. He said the team didn't win a game until they got there. He said they had to win so they did that. He said they got to the playoffs. He said from not one win they got to the playoffs.
Howard had another clip of Bobby Knight talking about choking a guy during practice. There was laughter from people while they were talking about that. Bobby said he's not going to talk about that. He said he's sure he grabbed a few people. Knight told Joe Buck about what happened.
Howard said that guy is a fucking psycho. Jason said the kid was standing there by himself and Bobby walks over and chokes him. He said it was practice.
Brent said that this next clip is Bobby talking about why he got fired. He said it was this entitled little douche bag kid who got him fired. Howard asked what he's talking about. He said he sees it the opposite way. Brent said this kid came up to him and said ''Knight'' and it should be ''Mr. Knight'' or Coach. Howard played the clip and Bobby said you don't address adults like that and he has no use for Indiana university because that's what they used to get him out of there.
Jason said these coaches think they can teach the youth everything. Howard said he hates that jock mentality.
Howard took a call from Sports Brent. Fake Brent was telling Howard about what they would do on the Bubba show with the kids and things like that.
Howard said they got to a couple of things on the computer but they didn't get to Richard, JD or Ronnie. He said he could have cleared half the computer out if they didn't have Richard's cock thing going on. Howard thanked everyone for coming in. Fake Sarah and Ivanka said a few things before Howard wrapped up. Howard said Ronnie would love to have a fantasy suite with Sarah. Sarah said she would eat a Wendy's chili and make Ronnie give her a blumpkin.
Howard said tanks to the two ladies and said he's glad Robin mentioned it. Howard said he thinks they're all played out now. He said they're tired. He said mixing it up with the testosterone panel is tough. Sarah said they're both wearing MAGA butt plugs and that's all he has to know. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said it's time for news. They played Robin into it with a song parody from Psych. Howard said that one was ''very rapey.'' Robin started her news with a story about the Grammys. Robin said they haven't talked about music in a while so she pulled some of the nominees so they can go over them. Robin said she doesn't know anyone anymore. Howard said they're out of it. She said she can't find her list of nominees. She said she had it there in front of her and it's not there. Howard said find that and he'll read some email about Alex Jones. He said he's trying to kill some time for her. He said he's hitting the dump button because the email doesn't even make sense.
Robin said she's ready now. She said that the Chloe and Halle are nominated for their song ''The Kids are Alright.'' She had Howard play some of that. Robin went through a bunch of the other nominees. She had a bunch of the nominees for best new artist and other categories. Howard said he misses the 90s. He said he really does. He said he liked the way people dressed and he loved the music. He said he was thinking that he was going to love new music the rest of his life. He said he must sound like an old fart. He said these songs sound like commercials to him. Robin had more for Howard to play. Howard took a call from fake Cardi B since they mentioned her. He spent a minute with her before getting back to the songs.
Howard said he respects anyone who can get people to buy their music. He said he knows how hard it is after being in the studio with Mark Ronson the other day. He said in his song he is semi-rapping. Robin said she wants to hear what they did with that song. Howard asked if he was rapping. Fred said he was doing a hybrid and it's revolutionary.
Howard played more of the nominees and had Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper's song. He said he really likes this one. He said that has to be the song of the year. Robin said that makes her want to go back into the studio. Howard said they should do it together. He said if that gets them back into the studio they should do it.
Howard made up his own rap after listening to a Post Malone song. He was doing his own thing with Goat Boy clips that Fred was playing. He said he thinks they're going to the Grammys with that.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said Rock is just gone and it's not Howard's age. He said that the rock bands are just gone now. He said this music today will not stand the test of time. Howard let him go after that.
Robin had more songs for Howard to go through. He played another one that sounded like a commercial to him. Howard said just wait until his song comes out. He said he'll teach them all a lesson.
Robin said Howard is hard to gift with. She said every time she sees something that he might be interested in she picks it up. She said that someone has a lock of George Washington's hair. She said it sold for over $35,000. Howard said he thought the guy wore a wig. Robin said this is his hair apparently. Howard said he'd be skeeved out by that. Gary said that he knows a guy who has the biggest hair collection in the world. He said he has Lincoln's, Kinison's and others. Howard said keep that guy away from him. He said Robin has Vincent Price's ashes. Robin said they're in a container though. Robin said he has Bianca's ashes. Howard said that was his dog. He said he knows his dog and it has to be with him even in the afterlife. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a guy who killed a mountain lion that had attacked him. Robin said he was in his early 30s and he was attacked in the afternoon. She said he turned around and the lion lunged at him and bit his wrist and face. Robin said the guy fought it until he killed it. Robin wondered if something just takes over and you mount this incredible fight. Howard said it hasn't happened to him yet. Howard said they say the lion was under a year old. He said the guy beat it up and lived. Robin said he wound up choking it. She said it was probably a mountain lion in training. Howard said normally they wouldn't attack a dude but he mistook it for prey. Robin said that guy lived.
Howard said he has High Pitch Erik on the phone and he wants to comment on the State of the Union address. Erik said that sometimes he can be a child with the words he says. Howard had to interpret what he was saying. Erik said he used the words ''ruthless coyotes.'' He didn't know why he did that. Howard said he didn't see it so he's not sure what he's talking about. Erik also said that Nancy Pelosi didn't look happy at all. Howard had to explain why. Erik said they had to sing happy birthday to an 81 year old guy there too. Howard said this is Meet the Slow Press.
Gary asked what Erik weighs. Erik said he's at 316. Gary said last week he was 270. Gary said he has gained 36 pounds. Howard asked what he ate last night. Erik said he had 2 sandwiches... and a granola bar. He said he was in Vegas and he ate healthy. He said he gained more when he watched the Super Bowl. Howard asked how he's doing it so quickly. He said the operation is a failure. Robin said it's not though. She said that if you keep forcing more and more food in there then it gets you used to it like smoking does. Erik said he's an emotional eater. Shuli was back in and asking Erik questions about the weight gain. He said he has video of him getting caught eating Oreos in Vegas. Gary said the video is awesome.
Erik said they wanted him to eat that stuff just so they could send it to him. Howard said he did eat it though. Erik said there was nothing else to eat. Howard said he has a problem. He said he told him it wouldn't work. He said he has no will power. Erik said he does. He said when you're an emotional eater you can't help it. Robin asked what that means. Erik said that you can't control yourself. Robin said that means he has no will power. Erik said he eats when he's sad. He said he gets up in the middle of the night and he gets emotional so he eats.
Howard asked what makes him sad. Erik said he's just emotional about things. He said he misses his mom. He said his grandmother was robbed in Florida. Howard asked what he likes to eat when he thinks about his mom. Erik said cookies and ice cream and stuff. Howard said he liked his comments on the speech last night.
Howard took a call from a guy who called Erik a fat cunt. Howard said that's not nice. Erik said maybe his family is a cunt too.
Howard took a call from a woman who said the ruthless coyotes thing isn't Wile E Coyote. Howard asked if Erik knows what a coyote is. Erik said it's the illegal immigrants. He asked why he has to use that term. He said he should call the MS-13 gangs. Howard said it's not the same thing. The caller explained to Erik what it means. Howard said that's what Trump is talking about. The caller said it's not the same thing as a roadrunner cartoon. Erik said thanks for telling him that.
Erik said he's worried about the government shutdown coming in 10 days. Shuli said he's not sure why he's worried because he's making money and flying out to Vegas. Erik said he's making greeting videos and he's doing them on two sites. He said they pay him pretty well for them. He said that Balls charges $200 to do them. Howard said Debbie Gibson only gets 75. Howard let Erik go because he had to finish up the show. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a woman who was chopped up and put in a suitcase. Robin said construction workers found the body. Robin said the body was found yesterday morning. She said they don't know who this is or how she got there. Robin said it's like the movies imitating life or the other way around.
Robin read a story about Trump's childhood home being up for sale in Queens. Howard said he grew up in a good neighborhood. Robin said she knows it's in Queens but she's not sure. She said it was bought in 2017 for just over 2 million. She said they're asking over 3 now.
Robin read a story about the State of the Union address that Trump did last night. Robin had some clips of Sean Spicer on a show commenting on the speech. Robin said people thought he might have been drunk. She had Howard play some clips. Howard said he sounds a little bit like JD. Robin said they say he kept repeating himself. Robin had a few clips of Spicer for Howard to play. Howard said he likes him like that. He said it's weird that things move so fast and it seems like it was 100 years ago when Spicer was the Press Secretary. He said he should have done it with that attitude. Robin had other comments about the State of the Union address for Howard to play.
Robin said Stephen Colbert zeroed in on some contradictions he heard during the speech. Robin had some audio of Colbert doing his impression of Trump.
Robin read a story about the Governor and Lieutenant Governor of Virginia both being under attack for some things they may have done. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how they don't think that Northam was the one in the blackface or the KKK outfit.
Robin read a story about a democrat in California that would ban surgery on inter sex new born babies. Robin said that's when a baby is born with both sexes. Robin said the parents usually assign a sex to that child. Robin said this person wants to keep the parents from making that decision when the child can't make it themselves. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about the Oscars being hostless for the first time in 30 years. Robin said they have confirmed that they won't have a host this year. Robin said they will be held on February 24th and will air on ABC. Robin said they're about to do the same thing with performing at the Super Bowl. Howard said Kevin Hart claims he's in a different place in his life now. He asked if you ever accept that someone has grown. He wondered if a criminal can ever be forgiven for robbing a bank or something like that.
Howard said one of the greatest guys in history was Malcolm X. He said he was way ahead of his time. He said he admired him and he read a book about him. He said they said he was a pimp or a drug dealer or something bad like that. He said when he evaluates him he thinks about the man he became. He said he doesn't admire pimps. He said he's willing to accept that he evolved. He did some work on himself and evolved. He said he doesn't know Kevin Hart that well but he thinks that he had to back out because he didn't want the controversy. Robin said someone was bringing it up again. She said they just rake people over the coals. Howard said no one is willing to accept that he thought it was funny at the time. He said he used to say someone was a ''fag'' on the air but it was the way he grew up hearing that stuff. He said it sucks being gay and he stopped using the word. He said that he isn't sure if Kevin feels that way or not. Robin said he says he hasn't done that routine and he has moved on. Howard said he's wiling to accept that. He said he could never look at Harvey Weinstein and say he should get his job back. He said there are certain crimes that are very hard to come back and go ''you're forgiven.'' He said Kevin Hart doing that material and then moving on is different. He said it seems like we're beating the shit out of guys for stuff they've done. Howard said Johnny Carson was a wife beater. He said he hosted the Oscars a few times. He said he thinks some crimes are worse than others.
Howard said he's not sure about this Virginia governor but he heard good things about him. He said maybe he posed for that picture. He said he has lived his life helping tons of people. He said he would cut him the slack you'd cut a prisoner. He said he doesn't know enough about the guy though. He said black people have been so shit on. He said that he hears conservatives saying they shouldn't have any kind of quota or anything and he disagrees with them on that. He said that there's nothing wrong with cutting someone some slack. Robin said the quota was giving a black person a chance at getting that job. Howard said things are so mumbo jumbo. He said you have to think about what we're talking about. Robin said this governor has done a terrible job at answering this. Howard said he's not sure what's in this guy's heart. He said you evaluate him on what he's done. He said maybe there's a history of racial intolerance. He said he'd have to look into it.
Howard said he has evolved from what he used to do on the show. He said maybe it wasn't so funny doing some of the things he did. He said he's not sure what is going on right now. He said he read that this right wing group is targeting this governor. Robin said it's both him and the lieutenant governor. Howard said they have to take this all in a case by case basis.
Howard said he's all for hiring gay people. He said he hired Richard Christy. Robin said he's also disabled. Howard said he has no problem with what Richard did today.
Howard said he has Ann Coulter (Fake Ivanka holding her nose) on the phone. Fake Ann was commenting on the State of the Union.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he thinks the governor should get a second chance. He said he thinks people do things as jokes and it's just dumb. He said he shouldn't be judged on just one incident. Robin said she saw a bunch of black people saying he should step down. Howard said a lot of brothers died with that nonsense. He said it's a complicated issue. Robin said calling for everyone's head is going to be a problem.
Robin read a story about a guy who died from vaping. She said he was on some kind of mass transportation and he took out his vape thing and it exploded. Robin said he's dead because of that. Robin said this is the second person to die from an exploding vape pen in a year. Howard said it sounds like a horrible way to die. He said it must be some explosion.
Robin read that Jennifer Lawrence is engaged. She said last time she was in there she wasn't even dating. Robin said she's engaged to a gallery director.
Robin read a story about R. Kelly announcing a tour. She had a list of places he's going to be performing. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Today's show was over around 11:15am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.