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Howard started the show asking of Halloween is over yet. He said he feels tired and worn out from it and he didn't even do anything. He said he watched the morning TV shows. He said the only guy who doesn't play it up is George Stephanopoulos. He said he didn't get into a costume. He said he wore a suit. He said the morning shows have fun with Halloween and they all do the same thing. He said everyone gets into a costume. He said it's so lame. Robin said they have themes. Howard said Good Morning America had a Studio 54 theme but George didn't do it. He said he was the DJ in normal clothes. He said everyone else was in their special costume. He said everyone else had a theme show too. He said it's fucking weird. He asked if they're a news show or not. He said George wants to do a news show. He said some want to do a late night show and play games. He said it's fucking weird.
Robin said they're trying to be your friends. Howard said they all have horrible personalities. He said George just tells you about news. He said you can't interview dignitaries in a costume. Robin said everyone gets excited about it. She said there was a ton about it on the internet. Robin said they were talking about the Today show staff playing characters. Howard said you can put a supposed news person in a Cher costume and they try to dress sexy and all of that. He said of course people are going to look at it. He asked if it's all about that. He said he guesses it is all about that.
Howard said he had to fill out that questionnaire for the doctor and they asked if you're annoyed by everything. He said he answered yes. Robin asked if he said anything about that. Howard said he did say that he seemed like he was under a lot of stress.
Howard said he got a lot of email about the Peloton thing he mentioned last week. He said he was complaining about the trainer who did the Rocky Horror Picture Show thing. He said he didn't want her to get in trouble but people were upset about him complaining about it. He said they're not going to fire her. He said they have a wide variety of people there for a reason. He said not everyone is into the same thing.
Howard said there were TV hosts didn't a cooking segment in their costumes. He said that really aggravated him. He said he's not sure what show that was. He said you don't know anyone who has cooked anything from any of these shows. He said his mother used to watch those shows and she never made anything they made. He did his impression of his mother talking about loving the cooking shows. He said she never made anything though. He said she was making the same dinner every fucking week. He said he didn't get any of those meals. He said no one cooks those meals.
Howard said he would just tell people to get ground beef and a jar of Ragu to make spaghetti sauce. He said he would give the hint that Ragu is in aisle 5.
Howard said it drives him nuts that they have these Halloween themed shows. He said the morning shows had a dance thing going on too. He said they must have spies at the shows so they know what the other shows are doing. Howard asked what's up with Jenna Bush Hager. He said he doesn't know where she came from. He said he thought she was just George Bush's daughter. He said Robert Mueller should look into that hiring. He said they should see if there was a quid pro quo there.
Howard said Jenna Bush Hager came back dressed as Jennifer Grey from Dirty Dancing. Robin said she saw that Willie Geist lifted her. Howard said thank god 9/11 didn't happen on Halloween. He said imagine those people dressed in costumes trying to tell you about that.
Howard took a call from one of the guys in the back who did a bit where he was learning to cook from TV and something happened where a fire started and he started screaming. Howard said he doesn't get the bit. He hung up on the guy and asked them to explain the humor in that one.
Howard and Robin talked about some of the other Halloween costumes that people were wearing on the morning shows.
Howard took another call from the back office and the guy explained what the bit was. Howard asked what the joke was. The guy said people think they can learn from TV but they mess up and the man ended up exploding. Howard told him to never do that again. He hung up on him again.
Howard said he wants to feel super famous and good about himself but then they take it away from him. Robin asked if he talked to anyone. Howard said he didn't. He said he's never watching a movie in advance again. He said he'll wait like the public. He said he wants to get rid of it. He said it just aggravates him.
Howard said he would have been a good guy to watch the movie. He said the movie didn't do well and he could have promoted it. He said the first 5 minutes were great. He said they had some naked female robots. Robin said she heard they ignored some of the previous movies. Howard said he bailed on some of those. He said he was into this one. He said he saw 5 minutes of it and it crashed. He said he was so into it.
Howard said he was feeling good about himself. He said imagine the movie studios can't create a system that will stay up. He said he's a big Amazon guy. He said he's watching Jack Ryan season 2 on Amazon. He said the app doesn't hold your place sometimes. He said they have to get that fixed. Robin said she was going to talk to Howard about the streaming series. Howard said he has the new Apple TV stuff because he bought a new phone. He said they only have 7 shows. He said they just want you to pay them. He said they just want to be paid. He said they have the Jennifer Aniston show and a documentary. He said everyone wants to be Netflix. He said they get like $15 a month. Howard said he's watching Tom Petty documentary on Amazon. He said he lies something on Netflix about Jakob Dylan too. He said he was wondering what happened to that guy. He said he had that hit song. He said he made a documentary and it's good. He said he explored all of the music of people who lived in Laurel Canyon.
Jon Hein came in and said that all of the services are hitting. He said it's Apple TV Plus and Disney Plus which is coming out next week. Howard said he's not getting that. Jon said that one will be loaded. He said they have the Marvel stuff and FOX stuff as well as Star Wars. Jon said Apple TV only released 3 episodes of their series. Howard said that doesn't make sense.
Howard said this Jakob Dylan thing is called Echo in the Canyon. Howard said he likes that he's losing his hair a little bit. He said that he was happy about that. Jon said Apple is $4.99 a month. He said you get it free if you bought a new iPhone or iPad. He said they want you to buy more hardware. He said if you go to watch something they have all of your shows listed in the app. Robin said you can do that on Amazon Fire too. Jon said their play is that you can go to one place for everything. He said you can get the Disney stuff for free if you're a Verizon customer. He said there's a lot going on there. Howard said that's a lot of money for people to shell out. Jon said if you're a Verizon customer you get Disney free for a year. He said if you're an AT&T customer you get HBO Max for free for a year.
Jon said The Mandalorian looks great for Disney. He said that was directed by Jon Favreau. He said that people will tune in for that. Howard id he recommends the Jakob Dylan special. He said that was good. Howard said Jack Ryan is good. Jon agreed.
Robin said the show Castle Rock is good too. She said that's on Hulu. Howard said no one wants that. Robin said this is a Stephen King show. Howard said he doesn't want that. Robin said she's watching the second season of that now.
Howard took a call from fake Arnold Schwarzenegger who said that this box office thing has a surprising effect on him. He said somehow his cock is hard. He said the box office is making it hard. Howard said Arnold was so into Robin when he was in there. Arnold was talking about how great Robin is when she humiliates him. He was cumming when she was making comments about him. Arnold asked Fred to tell him his something about his movie. Fred said the movie sucked and Arnold came. Howard said he sounds like he's cumming into a metal pail. Arnold said he has a lot of pails around so that's where he's going. Howard said Arnold was so great on the show out in L.A.
Howard said he was talking about the morning shows and the cooking segments. He said he hates when they all want to be taken seriously as journalists dressed in costumes. Howard said you never know who they are when they come out. He said Willard Scott used to be the goofy guy but now everyone is the goofy guy. He said they all pretend to be friends. Robin said they carry on like they know each other.
Howard said he has to take a break and get to a few things. He said they have Trevor Noah coming in today and they have a bunch of other things to get to. He said he has to make a statement about Bill O'Reilly.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked if he saw Heidi Klum who transformed herself into an alien. He said it was wild. Howard said no one wants to see that. He said he saw it but it was an old alien with saggy tits. He said he wants to see her as Heidi Klum. He said he wants to see her in a mini skirt and high heels. Bobo brought up someone else and Howard said he has to get off the phone with this guy.
Howard said Bella Thorne did it right. He said she dressed up hot. He said she has some body. He said she does not mind showing it off. He said that's what you do instead of making yourself look like an old hag. He said Heidi is working out like a maniac to stay looking young and she should be showing it off. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said Bella Thorne was a sexy girl scout for Halloween. He said that's the way to dress up. He said Heidi has it backwards. He said she's working to be hot and stay hot and then for Halloween she gets ugly. He said it's bad timing. Robin asked if she has don that before. Howard said she has for the past few years. He said she makes herself look ugly for Halloween. Howard said he has to straighten her out.
Howard said Heidi was dating that art dealer guy and she said she went back stage and got into a sexy outfit. He said she was dressed as a hot nurse. He said that's what she should be wearing on the show.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call where they called a gay club while they were in L.A. He said it was a night club out there in Hollywood where Sal did his terrible impression of him and asked the club owner to do a few things for him. Howard played the call.
In the call Richard calls this club and tells him he works for the Howard Stern Show. The club owner knew who they were. He said he listens to them all the time. Sal did his Howard impression and talked to the guy who was gushing over him saying he just got his book and loves the show. Sal asked if they can use the gay club to do some of the more risque bits that they can't do at Sirius. Sal threw out an idea for the guys to piss into cups while hanging upside down. Sal had a bit where Jon Hein would run around tackling the guys so he can rape them. The guy said they may not be able to do that one. Then they had the idea to chloroform Richard. The club owner was all for that one. Sal threw out a bit with a vagina in it and the guy said no vaginas in his club.
Howard said Sal must be on to something with that impression. He said he didn't think he sounded like that but the club owner believed it was him. Howard said that guy had a hard no to vagina.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was talking about how sexy Bella Thorne was. He said she has a video where she's dancing and she lifts up her arms and it's disgusting. Howard said he saw that. He said she's trying to be edgy. He said he should have asked her about that. He said she doesn't shave under her armpits. He said that's super not hot. He said it really throws you. Robin said it's like a speed bump. She said that's the same for men who have hair in places that you don't want it.
Howard said Heidi posted her costume 23 times on Instagram. He said no one cares. Howard said 25 million people look at it. He said just spread your ass cheeks and forget the makeup. He said no one wants to see that. He said she's an old witch with saggy tits for Halloween. He said it's so stupid.
Howard said this thing with Brent keeps growing and growing. He said this swinging thing is getting real. He said he has to talk to him about this.
Howard said Brent is swinging and he and his wife had sex on their own in L.A. and New York. He said the other day he was meeting with the guys and they pitch him stuff. He said they're thinking about their Christmas shows. He said they want to do a Hollyweird Squares thing. He said they would do a big version of it. He said they might get Underdog to do it. He said that's what they're going over. He said they asked her to do it but she already said no. Jason said she said no to the option of doing it at home. He said she thinks she was burned on the show when she did it. Howard said they didn't burn her. He said they didn't hold her against her will like she thinks either. Howard asked if there's no way she'll do it. Jason said she spoke to Shuli about it and it's a no right now. Howard said maybe they can have Shuli in the square with her.
Shuli came in and said he has audio of this. He said her reaction is amazing. Howard said he has to hear that. Shuli said there's a process to get it to Howard. Howard said he should hook her up to get her into the Macy's day parade. Shuli said the problem is that to this day when she goes to the parades she gets people yelling out ''Underdog Lady Howard Stern.'' He said that drives her nuts. He said she says that Howard Stern can not be trusted. Howard said they don't need her. Robin said they should try to get her into the Macy's Day parade. Shuli said she just cares about her legacy.
Howard said they're planning this Hollyweird Squares thing. He said someone had a great idea for it. He said he had to do it and they want to have Katelyn in the center square. He said she would be a couple with the Jackhammer guy. He said it would be Katelyn and Jackhammer. He said in the meeting he thought it was a brilliant idea. He said Brent blew a shit fit. He said he was shocked that he would even give a fuck.
Howard said he has notes about this. He said Brent says they have crossed a line. Howard said he didn't know they had a line. He said Brent got very serious and accused the writers of disrespecting his marriage. Howard asked what the fuck is going on here. Howard said the guy can fuck his wife but he can't sit with her in the center square?
Chris said that he was in the meeting and it was very strange. He said she can fuck this person but not sit with her.
Brent came in and said that they don't understand what he has said on the air. He said they have a very close relationship. He said they aren't exclusive. Howard said it would be fun to meet the Jackhammer. Brent said it would be horrible. He said they don't want her to be painted like she doesn't love her husband. Howard said it's just a guy who fucked her. Brent said she doesn't want to see the guy again. He said she likes to fuck and move on. Howard said he understands that but they want to know more about that night of fucking. Brent said she had the same reaction he had. He said that's absolutely true. Howard said he can fuck his wife but he can't answer trivia with her? Brent said that Robin said she was saying that it's like her boyfriend.
Howard asked if she can't sit next to the guy and answer questions. Brent said she doesn't want to do it next to that guy. Howard said this is weird. He said he thinks Brent is jealous of Jackhammer. Brent said that's not it. Howard asked what she said about him that set him off. Brent said she said it was okay but not great. She doesn't want to be friends with the guy. Howard said they're not asking for that. He said they just want her to sit next to him in the game. Brent said they want to make it look like she loves that guy and not him. Howard said that's not it.
Brent said that the joke is that she loves that guy more than him. Howard said there is no joke there. He said they're not trying to say that. He said this guy just fucked her while Brent was out of town. Howard said most of America isn't swinging. Howard said he's not trying to make it seem like she loves that guy.
Howard took a call from fake Katelyn who said Jackhammer isn't her boyfriend. She had him in bed fucking her right then.
Howard said he gets that Brent just doesn't like his wife fucking this guy. Brent said that's not it. He said she's going to come off like this bad person who is fucking other guys. Shuli said he's not asking them to fuck on air. He said it's a game show. Brent said that he gets it but it's all at his expense. Howard asked why. He said it's swinging. Howard said this is just hanging out with the guy for 15 minutes. Brent said it's going to be more like an hour. Howard said they're not asking them to do anything together. Brent said they're not going to sit there holding hands. Howard said they're not asking them to do that. Brent said it would be painted like this is her new boyfriend. Howard said they're not trying to do that.
Howard asked how weird it was in the meeting. Chris said it was very much like this. Robin said the best thing would be to have Katelyn in the center square and have all of the guys she's fucked in the other squares. Brent said she hasn't fucked that many guys. Shuli said not yet. He said by the time the game comes around she might have.
Shuli said Brent put this out on the air so put it out there and hold your head up high. He said just have the guy in the square. Brent said they're the team though. He said it's not Katelyn and that guy. Howard said he can put him in the square if he wants to be in there. He said he's making a big deal about this and not about the guy fucking her in his house. Brent said that's correct. Brent said Katelyn said she would be livid if they put him in a square with one of the girls he fucked in Los Angeles.
Howard said he heard Chris had a falling out with Brent over this. Chris said he did. Howard asked what's going on there. Brent said Chris isn't a friend. He said he chose to believe someone who he met one time over his friend. He said if he doesn't believe him then why would he want to be his friend. Chris said he just got upset that he sent them away. He said that he asked if he believed him and he said no because it was very murky.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks they just have to move on from this. Howard said he wouldn't want his wife fucking other guys. He said if she is then he doesn't get why it's crossing a line having them in a square together. Howard said he doesn't understand this line. He said he would never do anything to insult Brent. He said he loves Brent. He said he would never do anything to insult him. He said this never appeared to be crossing the line. He said he just wanted to talk about the guy fucking Katelyn. Brent said the joke is that she likes him better than him. Howard said that kind of is the joke. He said he's not sure why this is worse. Brent said he's not sure why he doesn't understand. Howard said this is no worse than Katelyn having that guy's dick in her. Brent said she would be pissed if he was sitting next to one of the girls he fucked. Howard said this is crazy.
Jason said this was supposed to be a callback to the best parts of the show from the past year. He said that's all it was. Howard said that's right. He said Katelyn fucked the guy but the guy can't sit next to her in a square. Jason said they were all shocked that Brent was so upset about this. He said he was more shocked that Brent thought that they were supposed to know this was the line. Brent said he's explained this on the air. Howard said this is a line that's really hard to find. He said he's never going to follow that logic. Howard said his wife can sit in a square all day long. He said just don't fuck her.
Brent said that's because Howard is looking at it through his own prism. Howard said Brent belongs in prism. Howard said the line is that they can't sit next to each other in a square but they can fuck. Brent said that's what they agreed to.
Jason said he thinks this is a reaction to the Jackhammer. He said he's been very weird about that guy from day one. Howard said he's a professional fucker. Jason said the guy is really buff and he's a pro. Chris said he looks like Thanos. Howard laughed. Jason said this guy was added at the last minute too. He said he knows he gave Chris a hard time about not mentioning him at all. Brent said there is some truth here. He said once it was all said and done he was fine with it. Howard said they don't want Jackhammer getting any plugs. Brent said that's true too. Jason said that's not even his real name. He said that he is one of the Jackhammers. Chris said he's Ted the Jackhammer.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he totally gets it. He said it's way different because it's sex vs. intimacy. Howard said it's not. He said it's funny. Ralph said Brent doesn't think it's funny so stop berating him. Howard said he's not. He said he just doesn't understand it. Jason said they're going to come in and be separated until they're on the air. Brent said they're going to paint it like they're a couple. Jason said he's just going to be like ''Holy shit that's the guy who plowed Katelyn.''
Shuli asked if it gets more intimate than fucking your wife in your home. Howard said no. Jason said the guy was looking at pictures of Brent while he was fucking Katelyn. The guys said that was the cop, not Jackhammer.
Howard said Swinger Brent is on the phone. He took the call and Swinger Brent defended what's going on there. Howard asked why it's crossing a line to sit next to the guy. Swinger Brent said it's fine for her to fuck the guy in his bed but she can't sit next to her. He sang some death metal before he got off the phone.
Brent said he thought Chris and Brent were friends and Chris got so pissed at him. Howard said he could have defended Brent.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that Brent was upset about that guy having good sex with that guy. He said he had to ask her if it was good sex. Brent said she volunteers everything. Brent said he's fat as fuck. Howard said he might have to put Brent in a square with King.
Jason said that Brent said she won't do this but he didn't reach out to her until after he said that. Brent said that's not true.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they're being unfair to Brent. He said they should put Shuli in a square with a funny comedian. He said Brent shares his life and they have to give him a break. Howard said he likes Brent and he wants to find out more about his life. He said this guy has fucked Katelyn already. He said that she won't sit in the square with the guy. He said it doesn't make sense to him. Brent said they're painting her as a disrespectful bitch. Robin said they're not saying anything like that. Brent said they're going to have a ton of jokes at his expense. He said he doesn't want that.
Howard said this whole situation is crazy. He said it's going to be crazy either way. Brent said she would be livid if they had him in a square with one of the women he fucked. Howard said he doesn't want that. He said he wants Katelyn in a square with the guy she fucked. He said that would be funny. He said Brent with one of his girls wouldn't be funny. Robin asked why this bothers him. Brent said it's painted like he's a loser. Howard said it's not. Jason said this is insecurity coming out. He said he doesn't want to be compared to Jackhammer. Brent said he's not sure why he would want her out there. Howard said he's not going to argue anymore. He said if he doesn't want her in there then just admit it was his idea. Brent said it wasn't his idea. He said it was her choice. Howard said there will be no Katelyn and Jackhammer. He said Brent isn't getting his point. He said the same people who would ridicule her for sitting with him are the same ones who will ridicule her about letting the guy fuck her.
Howard took a call from fake Paul Lynde who was talking about what a great idea this is. Howard said he sounds more like Brindle Fly than Paul Lynde.
Howard said he's just trying to understands. He said he's not trying to bust his balls. Brent said they're joking about it and they take it very seriously. Howard said how about they talk about how cool Brent is every time they talk to Katelyn and Jackhammer. Brent said that would be lame. He said then everyone knows what the joke is.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Brent has to stop bringing this to work. Shuli said that he is though and that's why they talk about it on the air.
Howard had the real Katelyn on the phone. Howard said he has to talk to her about this. Howard said this is their lifestyle and that's fine. Howard said he has to know about this decision. He said she fucked this Jackhammer guy and they spoke to her and the guy. He said he's not sure why if they're sitting next to each other how that's more intimate than fucking. Katelyn said that she doesn't want to hang out with a guy after sex. She said she doesn't want to hang out with him. Howard said it's just interesting to him. Katelyn said that Brent fucked a girl who was in Playboy. She said she's not going to be into seeing that. She said she told Chris that. She said some people will think she's hotter than her and she wouldn't want him on the air next to her. Howard said he gets it. He said he's not going to bring it up again. He said he knows that they're in love and this is a lifestyle thing. He said he just thought it would be a fun thing. He said the jokes aren't any worse than what they already joke about.
Shuli said the swinging lifestyle is all about the sex so why does it matter what the people look like. He said that they should just be in it for the experience. Howard said the Jackhammer guy isn't uptight about coming on the air. He said the cop would be. He said this is why it would be great. He said it doesn't mean that she's going to fall in love with him. Brent said he doesn't want the pictures of them together out there.
Jason said lets not forget how the show helped Brent get laid by this girl Jenny. He said that all came through the show. Howard said he didn't think he'd say no to that. Brent said they all draw lines. Howard said his wife can sit next to anyone in the square as long as she's not fucking them. He said Brent says his wife can fuck anyone but not sit next to them. He said how about if they put up a wall between them. Katelyn said she doesn't think that's a good idea. Howard said how about you put your tits through the wall. Brent said the joke is going to be about him. He said he knows that. Howard said the swinging seems to be a bad thing for Brent. Brent said everything is fine. Howard said it sounds like it. Jason said it sounded like everything was fine in the meeting.
Howard asked if the Jackhammer is there with her now. Katelyn said no. Brent said that's the joke. Howard said it is the joke wether or not they're in the studio or not. He said there won't be a Katelyn in the center square with the Jackhammer. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said Brent is lovely too. He said he didn't know this was crossing the line. He said he has nothing else to say to Ralph so he let him go. Howard thanked the other guys for coming in. He said they have to learn where the lines are. He said they have to start from the beginning and study it. Howard said when they come back they'll talk to Trevor Noah. Robin said they might have to ask him about this. Howard said he might have to. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard said Trevor Noah hosts a TV show every night of the week. He said that's a lot of work. Trevor came in and Howard asked if he would like to do once a week. Trevor said he talked to John about this and his job comes with some down sides that he doesn't like. He said he can't talk about things if they happen last minute. He said he has to take a break too.
Howard said if he did a shitty morning show he could come on the next day and redeem himself. Trevor said he likes to think that every show is your best and worst show. He said this is the show and this is what they're doing. He said he's learned to enjoy the immediate nature of the show.
Howard asked what the writing cycle is like. Trevor said it's changed. Trevor said that he was there when Jon was doing the show. He said Jon called him to just come in and hang out. He said he was working there in the building and Jon just anted him to hang. Howard said Jon claims he heard him do one joke on Letterman and he thought that's the guy who will take over his spot. Trevor said he never told him that. He said someone said that they were watching a clip with Jon and that's when he said he could take his seat.
Howard asked how long ago he was on Letterman. Trevor said that was like 7 years ago. He said he didn't have that big thing where he was idolizing the hosts. He said he didn't think they could make or break his career. He said some guys think those shows can. Howard said he thought that he was great in that appearance. He said he did a bit where his mom yelled at him in clicks. Howard said he always thought that was a bullshit language. Trevor said it is in the movies. He said that his mother's favorite phrase was this. He did it and had the clicks in it. Howard said that's hard to do. He said it's murder on the tongue.
Howard said most people don't realize that he's an accomplished stand up comedian. Howard asked what his day is like now with the Daily Show. Trevor said he used to watch the news. He said he would try to watch everything. He said he would watch it alone and then they'd watch highlights together with the writers. Trevor said the news channels aren't news anymore. He said it's become opinion. Howard said the best material comes from the NY Times. He said he reads that and gets informed so he can talk about it on the air.
Trevor said now he doesn't watch those news programs. He said it's all opinions and prep. He said now he reads the news. He said CBS and ABC news shows put together the packages. He said they will watch that together. Howard asked if he ever thinks that the show isn't a comedy show. Trevor said never. He said he has never lost that or gotten confused. Howard said Jon Stewart would go in that direction. He said it can be a preachy kind of news show. Trevor said Jon warned him about that. He said he told him the show deserves a host who is not angry. He said he told him to enjoy the time he's not angry. He said he was told a day will come when he doesn't think anything is funny anymore.
Howard asked who is watching the show. Trevor said he has been very lucky. He said it's grown. He said they lost a lot of viewers who watched Jon. He said that made sense. He said then they had to slowly build a new audience. He said the old audience came back too. He said that was interesting.
Howard asked if the network came to him and tried to change things. Trevor said not at all. He said he had the team there who started with Jon. He said they remembered that he had a hard time building the show. He said he took over for Craig Kilborn. He said that he was poached from the Daily Show because he was so hot.
Howard asked what Jon is doing now. He said he says he's happy. He said he seems too young to be retired. Trevor said he sees him do stand up and he's directing a movie too. Howard asked if he ever calls Jon about the show. Trevor said he never does. He said he calls him about life. He said he won't talk to him about the show. He said they talk as friends. Trevor said he thinks that Jon likes that he's not trying to be Jon. Howard said Jon said that he likes that he's doing things his own way. Trevor said he finds the world interesting. He said he likes the news and he likes making jokes about it.
Howard asked if the people like Samantha Bee and John Oliver are upset that he got the job. Trevor said he doesn't think so. He said John wanted to do what he's doing. He said Samantha he never knew. He said she went on to create her own show that's wildly successful. He said he thinks they got what they wanted.
Howard said he always needed an enemy in radio. He asked what the Daily Show is up against. Trevor said that's an American thing. He said they love war. Howard said he needed something to push him. He said he wants to win. Trevor said he is pushed by his joy. He said he likes to be happy. He said he can't live in perpetual anger.
Howard said his life sounds like it was horrible when he was living in South Africa. He said his father was white and he had light skin. He said that he has to go back to his humble beginnings. He said he was a big star there in South Africa and he didn't realize just how big he was. Howard said he had 7 big albums. He said then he comes here and he's nobody. He asked if that's devastating. Trevor said it's the best feeling. He said that if he could make people not know who he is on stage that makes it great to do comedy. He said he was doing comedy in Japan and they had no idea who he was.
Howard asked if he gets laughs too easily. Trevor said it changes. He said when you are completely unknown the audience has no expectations. He said you start at zero. He said the great thing about that is you can work yourself up to a 10 instead of the audience expecting a 10 from the start.
Howard said he was on in Washington DC and he had people who loved him. He said he didn't love walking around having to deal with the fans. He said he went to New York and no one knew he was. He said he a hated that. He said he wanted to be on nationally. He said he went on in New York and he went to L.A. and they were doing his show out there. He said he wanted to murder them all in the ratings. Trevor said he doesn't feel that way. He said he judges himself and tries to figure out how to do things better. Trevor said he will watch his show but he can't watch his stand up. He said he will try to figure out what he's doing wrong on the TV show. Howard asked if he does that himself. Trevor said he watches but he has a friend who works there on the show. He said they watch and they can all give feedback. He said everyone who works there can comment.
Howard asked when he did a bad show last. Trevor said sometimes the show is good but sometimes you don't match with the audience. He said there are times that the show is good but the audience doesn't feel what you're feeling. Howard said Bill Maher says the same thing. He said he likes what Bill is doing with his show. He said he fantasizes about doing a show without the audience at times. Howard asked if he ever thinks about doing that. Trevor said the audience is like a proxy for the people at home. He said he might think that everything he's saying is making sense and maybe it's not. He said he may realize that the audience isn't understanding him and he'll rephrase it and say it again. He said on the Daily Show he's being himself and he will talk to the people. He said he'll realize that he's not connecting and he'll react to that.
Howard said he has done TV shows and the audience will make him speed up at times. He said he doesn't have that with the radio show. He said he doesn't have the pressure on this show. He said the live audience can be like a monster in a way. He said when it's quiet you might be saying something that's not funny and you might think you're tanking. Trevor said he learned from Dave Chappelle that he isn't there because he's funny. He said he's there because he's interesting. He said anyone can be funny but not everyone can be interesting and get an audience listen to them. Trevor said that changed his perspective on silence. He said if he hears that they're listening then he's engaged. Howard said that's a great piece of advice. Howard said the thing he loves about Chappelle is that he's so interesting. Trevor said there are a lot of funny people out there but Chappelle is interesting.
Howard mentioned that Trevor is friendly with Oprah and asked if he could get in touch with her. Trevor said they just meet. He said he was on her podcast when she was doing that around books. He said she came on his show. He said life has kept them in contact. Howard asked what her advice is. Trevor said it's not even advice. He said she'll just give small moments. He said she'll tell him to keep doing something he's doing.
Howard asked if he sensed that Oprah was sexually attracted to him. Trevor said he loves Oprah and she loves him. Howard said he thinks she'd hop into the bed with him in a second. Trevor said that's good television. He said that people should be thinking about that with Howard and Trevor. Howard said he would love that.
Howard said looking good isn't a bad thing when you're on TV. Trevor said he was teased his whole life. He said his face didn't work. Howard asked if women weren't into him when he was younger. Trevor said there were no ladies into him other than his mom and grandmother. He said he had acne and all of that. He said he used Acutane to get rid of it. He said he got depressed from that stuff. Howard said bad acne can save you from a bad life. Howard said it can leave horrible scars on your face. Trevor said that stuff can make you do things that you don't expect. He said you have to be careful on that stuff. He said your liver and psychological state are affected.
Howard said he was so taken with his interview with Greta Thunberg. He said he was watching it and had to show his wife. Howard said he fell in love with Greta in that interview. Howard said the idea that someone can't be empathic with her is crazy. He said that she's trying to save the environment. He said she's a beautiful girl. Trevor said politics has gotten them there. He said that we're no longer able to separate human beings from the views they may hold. He said this is a 16 year old girl who wants to save the planet and people are fighting with her. He said he asked her about flying in airplanes. He said she chose to travel by boat because she can. He said she's not telling everyone they have to do the same thing. He said she's speaking to world leaders about it. He said they can change it and she's talking to them.
Howard asked why people are so against her. Trevor said it's all about everything being so politicized. He said it's become so extreme now. Howard said it's the internet. He said people became powerful with social media. Trevor said they got power from that. He said that the internet is rewarding negativity and not positivity.
Robin said this is a young girl and you're supposed to be able to notice that she's a young girl. She said Trump isn't the only adult attacking a child. Trevor said that Trump is also the one not setting the tone. He said he thinks of a president as the pilot of a plane. He said the pilot sets the tone for the flight. He said you want him to sound calm. He said if the plane is shaking the guy stays calm. He said that just tries to balance out what's happening on the plane. He said if the guy starts screaming ''Oh shit'' on the microphone then they're going to be mayhem in there.
Howard asked how many writers they have on The Daily Show. Trevor said they have 14. Howard said they have some comedy and an interview. Trevor said it's a 5 minute interview and 22 minutes of material. Howard said they have to weigh every joke and how every reaction is going to be. Trevor said you can go out and make any joke you want out there. He said any joke can be funny. He said not every topic is funny but any joke can be. He said that some things aren't funny because they're real. Howard asked how many dates he's doing a year. Trevor said he does maybe 80-90 a year. Howard said he heard Chris Rock told him not to do too many. Trevor said he has adopted the Chris Rock model of doing stand up. He said he was working 7 days a week for 2 years. He said that was because of fear. He said he didn't want to be poor again. He said America doesn't help it by the way. He said you're not sure how much money you need in this country. Howard said he is the same way. He said he grew up with little. He said Trevor grew up with a mother who used to eat dirt. Trevor said she ate the dirt from the river bank.
Howard asked how you decide which material is best for the Daily Show and for the stand up. Trevor said they're different. He said that he can separate the two. Howard said Jerry Seinfeld tried to explain that to him. He said he likes jokes that are just jokes. Trevor said he gets that. He said the joke is something you can tell in the office at work. He said that you can tell it and it lives on. Trevor said he has read Jerry's jokes in books and they're brilliant. He said that Dave Chappelle will tell jokes about things he did himself. He said those are observations that you can't use at work. Howard said now he gets it.
Trevor said he has had people come to his show and tell him that hey like his stand up an not the Daily Show. He said they like the jokes and not that material they do on The Daily Show.
Howard asked if he speaks 5 languages fluently. Trevor said he does but he speaks six total. Howard said it must be tough to do that. He asked how he leaned. Trevor said his mom speaks 9. He said he's an underachiever in the family.
Howard said he looks at his life and sees where he came from. He said he's surprised he can keep his head above water. He said his mother went out trying to get pregnant. She found a guy who was white and she wanted to make a baby. Trevor said she was really young and she wanted something that would be hers. He said that she wanted something to love and something that would love her unconditionally. Howard asked why she went to a white guy in a country like that. He said it was going to be a hard time raising a child like that. Trevor said she wasn't worried about it and didn't think that far forward. Howard asked why his dad did it. Trevor said he's a completely logical guy and he didn't understand apartheid. He said that he was with a black woman in South Africa with racism everywhere. He said his father says he didn't understand the racists because it's Africa. He said he had a brilliant way of thinking about it. He said it's safe to say that's the worst place to live if you're a racist.
Howard said if a woman came up to him asking for a baby he'd probably leave. Trevor said he thinks he might consider it. He said his parents got to know each other. He said his dad wasn't clingy and didn't want to own her. He said his mother had experienced that living there in South Africa. He said she found a man who didn't want to own her and she wanted to have a baby with him because he won't try to own her or her baby. He said he thinks his dad knew she wasn't trying to trap him. He said they were dating for a few months and he said he wasn't ready to be a father. He said his mom said he didn't have to be a father. She said he never had to see them again.
Howard said that his step father was a scumbag. Trevor said when his mom had him she went home to recover and his dad came back asking where his son was. He said he knew his dad all his life. He said that experiment his mom did never backfired on him.
Howard said his father had to walk on the other side of the street because the laws there said they can't have an interracial baby. Trevor said his mother never gave the name of his father. He said she went to a private hospital to have him. He said he came out and his mom says that everyone looked at each other. He said they all asked who the father was and she said that he's some guy from another land in the country called Swaziland. He said they're known for having lighter skin there.
Trevor said his mother would sneak him to his father. Howard said he would be so angry about that. Trevor said he didn't know he was being snuck around. He said he was a kid. Howard asked if he goes to therapy. Trevor said he does. He said he goes to a therapist. Howard asked if one of his issues is that his mother married this guy Able who was abusive toward him and his mother. Howard said you have to be angry about that. Trevor said he was angry. He said his mother helped him get through all of that. He said she told him not to hold on to his anger.
Howard asked if Trevor thinks that he goes out on the road to keep away from his wife to stop from being that kind of man. Trevor said he has intimacy. He said he never said he didn't have that. Howard asked if he is capable of having intimacy after seeing what Able did to his mother. Trevor said he is. He said he can't say he didn't love Able. He said he loved his mom and his mom loved him. He said there were times when they were happy as a family. Howard said maybe he loved the idea of a father and having a man in his life. Trevor said it's not that. He said you can find good things about a person even if they're abusive. He said they existed in a state when they didn't get along. He said his mother taught him to pity the man.
Howard asked if he's close with his brothers that his mom and Able had. Trevor said he is. He said his dad is still alive too and he has contact with him. He said he lives in Switzerland. He said they lost contact for years and then they contacted again. He said his father would keep clippings from the paper. He said Able didn't want him having contact with him so that's why he lost it.
Howard said this man shot his mother too. He said he was drunk at the time and he said she had ruined his life and he pulls out a gun and shoots her. He said she got shot in the buttocks and then shot her in the head as they were trying to leave the house. Trevor said she was shot in the back of the head and it came out her nose. He said she's still alive. Howard said the guy never went to prison for that. He asked how that happens. Trevor said this is the world we live in. He said in America they call it a crime of passion. He said you can use that as a defense in America. Howard asked what the judge said in this case. Trevor said they argued that the kids wouldn't have a dad and things like that. He said it's the minor infractions that the cops don't write up that lead to something like that. Howard asked if that's where his sense of social justice comes from. Trevor said that might be something that has grown in his life. He said everyone should be the same level of angry. He said he still has his mom and she's functioning. He said she's not in a wheelchair or anything. He said she laughs about it now. Howard said she joked about him being the best looking person in the family after she was shot.
Howard said maybe it's all of the religion he had in his life. Trevor said he's spiritual but not religious. Howard said Trevor didn't have anything growing up. He said his entertainment was church. Howard said when people got up claiming to be possessed he was entertained. Trevor said that was the best entertainment. Howard said it's like new material. He said you pick up something there. Trevor said they were going to church 4-6 times a week. He said they'd go to all types of churches. He said they went to every type possible.
Howard asked if he was ridiculed when he was going to church. Trevor said he wasn't. He said he was known as ''colored'' there and that wasn't an insult. He said it's weird. He said that they have this mixed race over there where they mixed are allowed to have sex. He said that people thought he was part of that even though he wasn't. Howard said this is so absurd. He said there's so much shit going on.
Howard said all of that is going on and then he went to a comedy club at what age. Trevor said he went at 21. Howard said that's kind of late. Trevor said it was. Howard said he didn't listen to anyone growing up so he wasn't affected by that. Trevor said comedy was banned down there. He said he didn't have anything like that. He said when Apartheid was ended then there was this huge blast of music and things like that. Howard said he was a DJ for a while. Trevor said he was on the radio too. He said he was doing radio at 20. Howard asked how he got on radio. Trevor said there was a station that had jobs available. He said he just went to get a job. He said he was allergic to being broke. He said he used to go to get in line at lunch and he'd hold the line for other kids. He said one kid asked him to buy something for him since he was at the front of the line. He said he would take their orders and order for about 5-7 kids. He said he made his pocket money that way. Howard said that's a great way to keep from being broke.
Howard said he must have some money now. Trevor said this county is driven by that because people don't know what just enough means. Howard asked if he has a problem spending money. Trevor said his step dad was a mechanic so he was helping out in the shop. He said he hates cars that are old and broken. He said Jay Leno takes him to his garage and he just sees a car that breaks. He said he likes vintage. He said he drives an Audi E-Tron now. He said he only wants to drive electric cars now. Howard asked where he lives. Trevor said he lives in New York. He said there's a car club where you can keep your car in the city. He said he can take the car out and drive 250 miles. He said he goes to the Catskills. He said he can make it back before he has to charge it again.
Howard said he won't go spend his money on an extravagant apartment. Trevor said he has trouble spending money on clothes. He said he has a nice shirt and pants. He said he might spend money on sneakers. He said he used to have a stylist but he had to stop that because the shoes they were buying were too much. Trevor said he has learned to enjoy what he has and realize he won't be broke.
Howard got back to the first time Trevor went on stage doing comedy. He asked what material he had. Trevor said he had life stories. He said it's the same thing he has now. He said he just went up and told stories. Howard asked if the light bulb went off for him. Trevor said that it was the other comedians who told him that he should be doing this for a living. He said he's eternally grateful to them for telling him that. He said he would just go to different places every week and tell stories. He said he'd be referred by other comedians. He said he'd do it for free. Howard said some stories were funny so he'd tell them again. Trevor said he thought that he had to tell a new story every night. He said he did that for 5-6 months. He said that he didn't know he could tell the same story. He said the audience was so small that he picked up fans that way. He said he wrote at a faster rate than some comedians too. He said he has kept that.
Howard asked if he spends a lot of time writing for his stand up. Trevor said he writes on stage. He said he loves that. Howard asked if that's fair to the audience. Trevor said sure. Howard said Jerry is against that. He said he never tries new stuff. Trevor said he loves it. He said he's a professional so this is what he does. He said he has a show that he does and it's constantly growing. He said he has said things in his head a bunch of times and he thinks that he's tried it already. Howard said it's like a song writer writing a new song. Trevor said he can be thinking about what he's going to be doing but his mouth is still carrying on with other things.
Howard said it is amazing that you can do that. He said that he can see his next joke when he's telling another. Trevor said he might be one of the few comedians who has comedy for regions. He said he has comedy for different areas of the world. He said he has jokes for Zambia that only work there. Howard said he is way into this. Trevor said he has jokes that only work in Scotland. Howard said he sounds very accomplished. Robin asked what joke would work in Scotland. Howard asked what works in Japan. Trevor said there's a temple there that he talks about. He said a lot of people go there and you have to ring this loud bell there and then you pray. He said he says that the Japanese are so efficient that they have to ring this bell to let god know that they're praying. He said he has to craft that joke for them. He said that's what he works on every time he's on stage. He said he tries to get it down to as few words as he can. He said that's what makes it cool and fun.
Howard said in South Africa he becomes a big star and puts out a bunch of albums. He said he's huge in South Africa. He said then he comes to America and he's not known. He said it must be insane. Trevor said it was exactly like Coming to America.
Howard asked how he flies under the radar with dating and stuff. Trevor said he is lucky. He said he gravitates toward real people in life. Howard asked where he meets women. Trevor said everywhere. Howard asked if he will ever marry. Trevor said he's not opposed to it. Howard asked if he tells the women what he's into and who he is. Trevor said that's what everyone should be doing. He said you don't want to be faking it. He said you tell people what you are. He said if you like to sit on the couch and watch TV then you tell the person that. He said maybe you find someone who is into that. He said if you tell someone you're into something you're not into it's going to come out eventually. Howard said guys are trained to be salesmen. Trevor said you can seduce without being dishonest. Howard said that's why he thinks you should live together before getting married.
Trevor said he thinks that you shouldn't live together if you are married. He said we aren't made to do that. He said if you're living with someone you have to sleep on their schedule. He said you want to have your own bathroom and things like that. Howard said he thinks this is an issue for him. Trevor said no. He said he thinks Howard has been conditioned and he has to be attached to the person. Howard said he has to meet the women he's with. Trevor said we shouldn't be in a situation in life where they feel indebted to someone. Howard said he and his wife snuggled up the other night to watch Saturday Night Live. Trevor asked if he's thinking that he doesn't snuggle. Howard said he's a bright guy but he thinks he's gotten fucked over. Trevor said he's seen intimacy too though. Howard said he thinks he's holding back.
Trevor asked Howard to tell him what he has and he'll tell him if he has it. Howard said there's a point in the relationship where they have a sleep over party every night. Trevor said that he said he ''gets to'' and that's not what everyone has. He said that's his choice. He said he's associating that living together is defining his intimacy. He said it's just expanding how intimacy works. Howard said he's going to suggest a relationship with Robin quivers. Robin said she's another one who doesn't want to live with anyone.
Howard asked how old he is. Trevor said he's 35. Howard said he's been though a lot. He said he's fascinated with him. Howard said this is very interesting and he's liking to get to know him.
Howard asked how many times he's been in love. Trevor said 10-12 times at least. He said it's such a beautiful thing. Howard asked what happened to end that. Trevor said life is about beginnings and endings. He said they end because everything can end. Howard asked if he was really in love. Trevor said Howard has been tricked. He said things can end.
Howard asked why he fell out of love. Trevor said he doesn't think you do. He said what you shouldn't do is put them above yourself. He said if you're not happy you can't make people happy. Howard asked what happened. Trevor said we don't know what life is going to be like. He said if you approach someone you don't know if you want to spend the rest of your life with them until you're actually doing that. He said you have to be honest and live with them but be honest about the path you're on. Howard said maybe adversity is good for a couple. Trevor said he didn't leave at the first sign of a fight. Howard said when you love 13 times it sounds like something is going on. He said he has so many options that he might be a sex addict or something. Trevor said not at all. He said there's something about being honest.
Trevor asked how many times Howard has been married. Howard said twice. Trevor asked what happened. Howard said they had too many differences. Howard said look at this face and ask if you can love that. He said he understands that relationships end.
Trevor said he has found that change is what a relationship faces. He said that can cause it to end. He said it's not negative or positive but just change. He said that thing change and your life changes. He said he has had many things change in his life. He said he might get a new job or change what he's doing.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks about this. Robin said people don't all have to be the same. They don't have to do the same things.
Howard said Trevor is on a stand up tour. He said you have to go out and see it. He said this man works hard at stand up. He said you can find out more about the dates at TrevorNoah.com/dates. Trevor said he's doing Madison square Garden. He said that's sold out. He said there are still tickets available for some of the shows. He said he's going around the world. Trevor asked if he wants to come see him in India. Howard said there's no way he's going there. Howard told him about Robin going there and turning right around and coming back in less than 24 hours.
Howard said Trevor is on a roll. He said he's going all over the world. Howard asked if his mother is still around. Trevor said she is and she's doing great. Howard asked if he bough her a house. Trevor said she would never let him do that. He said that she told him that she would never be a burden on him while he's growing up. He said that was the best thing. He said he tried to buy her a new car but she doesn't want one. He said she likes having an old one so if it gets hit it won't bother her.
Howard asked if she has any scars from the shooting. Trevor said that she has one nostril. He said that she doesn't care at all about it. He said she could have had it rebuilt. He said she refused it.
Howard started to wrap up and gave Trevor another plug for his Loud and Clear American Tour. He said tickets go on sale this Friday. He gave him plugs for The Daily Show and more. Howard said this was amazing. He said he has to go back to The Daily Show today. Trevor said they tape the show around 6:30. Howard said they have a lot of material with Trump now. He asked what they're going to do after he's done. He asked if people can pay him to get them tickets for his own shows. Trevor said he never thought about doing that. He said he will make sure you get tickets if you pay him enough money.
Howard said he saw that he's producing a movie about a chess champion who was homeless. He said he's looking forward to that. They spent a minute talking about chess.
Howard asked if he's going to take a nap before going to work. Trevor said he will not. He said he will go to work and come up with a show and then at 5:30 Trump will say something so crazy that they have to throw out the whole thing and start over. Howard said he has to admire a man who works so hard. Trevor said we all work hard differently.
Howard said he had a great conversation with Trevor today. He wished him luck with the tour and went to break.
Howard said he didn't know Robin was doing so much in one weekend. Robin said she got to see her old classmates and it had been a long time since she had seen them. Robin said she had to run home and go back to bed after all of that. Fred played some dove sounds.
Robin said she discovered that the Tony Goldwyn is gorgeous. Robin said he played the bad guy in Ghost. Robin said he almost ran into her when she was down there.
Howard took a call from a woman who said her mom is 88 years old and she turned her on to Howard's show. She said she loves Howard and she had a dream about her the other night. Howard said he has to get to news so hurry up. She told the story about the dream her mom had and Howard said that's a great story. Her phone was muffled so it was kind of hard to understand. The woman also told a story about meeting him out in California. Howard had to let her go. He said it's always great hearing a story about an 88 year old who had a sex dream about you.
Howard took a call from The Jackhammer guy who Katelyn was with. Jackhammer said he heard they were talking about him. He said he didn't think that it was going to be a big deal. He said he wouldn't have been unprofessional. Howard said no one was more surprised by that whole thing than he was. Jackhammer said he appreciates him thinking about him. He said he's upset that this whole thing was taken away from him. Howard said maybe Brent and Katelyn will change their minds.
Howard said he was going to ask him about his work out routine. Jackhammer said he goes 5-6 days a week. He said he had sex with two guys wives over the weekend too. He said he worked and had sex and then he had some friends who he got to fuck too.
Howard had a song parody about the Jackhammer. He played that and it was to the tune of ''Sledgehammer.'' Robin said she's glad that he called in.
Jackhammer said he's not mad about the whole thing. He said he's just disappointed. Howard let him go after that. Howard said he would have asked him more if he had more time. Howard said he wanted to ask him about what his favorite thing in Brent's apartment was. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard said he has to wrap up the show but he has a bunch of people who want to talk about Brent and the Jackhammer. He said one is Michael Rapaport. Robin said she saw a movie with Michael Rapaport and Eddie Murphy over the weekend. Howard took a call from Michael Rapaport and asked about the movie he did with Eddie Murphy. Michael said that was Metro. He started to talk about the Brent thing but his phone cut out. Howard said he'll be on the Wrap Up Show later today so they can talk about that there.
Howard played Robin into her news with a song parody from Little Mikey. Howard said that was a fantastic song. Robin said her high school was celebrating their 175th anniversary. She said they were celebrating that over the weekend.
Howard said Gary was saying that Robin keeps asking for a PIX Box and he's spoken to her about it a bunch of times. Gary said that they have emailed her people and say that they don't respond. Robins said they should be talking to Captain Dennis.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks Brent needs some psychiatric help. She said that the Jackhammer guy seems so nice and reasonable. Robin said Brent's reaction was over the top. She said that was out there.
Robin started her news with a story about Alex Trebek who is now doing a PSA for pancreatic cancer. Robin had some audio of Alex talking about the stomach pain he had and some other symptoms that can come from pancreatic cancer. Howard said he doesn't want to say this but he is a legendary dove kind of person. He said Alex didn't go to any talks this weekend. He said he stayed home. Robin said she's not in his condition. Howard said the problem with that whole thing is that you get a stomach ache and you think that it's pancreatic cancer. Robin said if it's persistent then you have to worry about it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Olivia Newton John who raises money for cancer research. Robin said that she sold an outfit she wore in Grease and it was sold for $405,000 this weekend. Howard said people have too much money. He said that's the stupidest thing he's ever heard. He said the movie was good but not that iconic. Robin said she was able to raise over $2 million for her cancer research center. Howard said he didn't know it was charity that it was going to. Robin said she's battling breast cancer for the third time since 1992.
Robin mentioned that they had the ribbon cutting for the Bianca's Furry Friends thing. Howard said they did that on Wednesday night. He said they had Billy Joel, Rachel Ray and their spouses there. He said Beth went to North Shore about 7 years ago and wanted to build a cage free center after she had seen one somewhere. Howard said there they were at this place and the cats were just hanging out. He said Beth made a speech and he was so proud of her. He said Billy Joel gave a million dollars for it. He said Rachel ray has given a ton of money toward it too. He said the profits from her dog and cat food go toward it. He said Hallmark channel was there too because they've given money. He said they have a Billy Joel room and a Rachel Ray room. He said they are allowed to roam free in this place. He said one cat had been caged the whole time it was there. He said now they took it out and put it in this new space and the cat was a lap cat. He said he's the friendliest cat ever. He said he was just so irritated living in a cage that his personality changed once it got out of the cage. Howard said it was like a dream being realized. He said now the dogs have more space too. He said they took the old cat area and gave it to the dogs. He said now the cats have a cage free area. He said that's at the North Shore Animal League.
Robin read a story about Lena Dunham suffering from Ehlers-Danlos syndrome so she's been using a cane lately. Robin had some details about that. Howard said Eric the Actor had that too. Fred played some Eric drops when they brought him up.
Robin read a story about a woman who was charged in the death of her boyfriend's death after he committed suicide. Robin said they are thinking about extraditing her back to the United States after she went to South Africa. Howard said every girlfriend he had told him to kill himself. He said he should have filed charges. Robin said that this woman apparently told the guy to kill himself many times in text messages. Robin said this is going to set a dangerous precedent. Howard said if someone told him to go kill himself he's not going to do it. He said this is a dangerous precedent.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if everyone on Twitter should go to prison for telling Bobo to go kill himself. Howard said he might b right. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he got Beth's calendar the other day. Howard said that's right, it's being shipped. Jeff didn't have anything else to add other than it came from California. Howard said he really had nothing to say today. Howard said it's a beautiful cat calendar. He's not sure where to go to get it. Howard said Jeff pointed out they were made in California. Robin said when he opened up with a big ''Chello!'' that he had nothing to say. Gary said you go to BethsFurryFriends.com for the calendar.
Robin read a story about Bob Saget talking about how he won't cut Lori Loughlin out of his life just because of this college admission scandal. Howard said he thinks he could love Lori Loughlin too. Robin said they know some people who have done things that make you wonder if you should be their friend. Robin said she was thinking about that one day and she wondered who she would help move a body. She said that's as far as it can go. Howard said there's no one. Robin said Howard's name was the only one that came up. Howard said she better help him. Robin said that person would probably be someone that he had to kill for a good reason. Howard asked if she would help Simone Dinnerstein. Robin said her name didn't pop up. Howard asked if Fred's name came up. Fred said he can handle it himself. Robin said he may have already done it.
Robin said that Daylight Saving Time changed over the weekend. Robin said they say that it may be bad for your health. She said the incidents of heart attacks change around the time of the time changes in spring and fall. Howard said there should just be one time. Robin said they say that it can cause sleep deprivation and accidents at work.
Howard said he read that people who get Alzheimer's don't get enough sleep. Robin said sleep is very important. Howard said you can just tune out if Fred is talking too much. He said you can sleep and wipe out your brain. Howard said he hates Daylight Saving Time. He said there shouldn't be time zones either. He said they should be on the same time as California. Robin said there is some talk of adopting Atlantic Standard Time. Howard said he's fine with that. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Michael Che getting in trouble for some jokes he told on Saturday Night Live. Robin said a week ago he had a joke about Caitlyn Jenner. Howard said he's not sure what everyone was up in arms about. Robin explained the joke to Howard. Howard said he was half asleep while it was on. Robin said this weekend Che was talking about the 67 year old Chinese woman who just gave birth. Robin had some audio of that joke. Howard said he's not sure why that was offensive. Robin said they say it was ageist and sexist. Howard said alright. Robin said no one is in a hurry to be laughing. Howard said he doesn't like it when they laugh at their own jokes. He said he liked it when they played it straight like they were real news stories.
Robin read a story about the impeachment inquiry going forward but some people say they're not going to show up.
Robin said the Nationals are celebrating their first World Series win in history. Robin said they had a parade on Saturday and they'll be going to the White House today.
Robin read a story about the New England Patriots finally losing a game this season. Robin said it happened the other night. She said there's a lot of talk about this being Tom Brady's final season. She said they say they doubt he'll be back but they're not sure if he'll retire or go to another team. Howard said that guy is something else. He asked how old he is. Gary an Robin both said he's 42. Howard asked if anyone else has played that well at that age. Gary said there was a guy who was a fill in at 45. He said at Tom's level there is no one.
Robin read a story about President Jimmy Carter returning to teaching Sunday school after breaking his hip a few weeks ago.
Robin read a story about a new FOX Poll that says nearly half of voters want Trump impeached and removed from office. Robin had more details about that poll.
Robin read a story about President Trump changing his permanent residence to Florida. Howard said he does too. Robin said Trump doesn't want to be called a New Yorker anymore. Howard said this might be a tax thing. Robin said it might be. Howard said the taxes there are so high. He said he's not sure how anyone can afford it.
Robin read a story about President Trump having a spiritual advisor named Paula white. Howard asked if she's hot. Robin said she is kind of hot. She said she looks kind of like Lisa Kudrow. Howard said he gets it then. Robin said they talk often and she helps him with his Christian-ese. Robin had some audio of Kellyanne Conway talking about the impeachment inquiry. Howard said he's not sure how she stays married to her husband who is so opposite of her when it comes to politics.
Robin read a story about Terminator Dark Fate being number 1 at the box office. Robin said they earned over $29 million. Robin said The Joker came in second with $14 million.
Robin read a story about Kanye West's new album which is breaking records. Robins said it came in at number 1 on the billboard charts. She had a clip for Howard to play. Howard said good for him. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show asking Robin how her voice is. Robin said it's not better. Howard said this is what happens when you go to get a dove award. Robin said she's a legendary dove. Howard asked how she feels. Robin said she doesn't feel that bad. She said she has to keep in the lower register. Howard said he has to leave early today so he'll get her out of there. He said he doesn't like when she's sick. He said he has plenty to talk about.
Howard said he is in love with Kristen Stewart. He said he's excited to talk to her. He said he's a big fan of the movies she did with Rob Pattinson. He said he's captivated with her too. He said he doesn't want it to sound creepy because she is just 29. He said she has that kid quality about her. He said he's on DailyMail a lot and they're like the Enquirer but with nudity. He said they know what people want. Robin said they know what Howard wants. Howard said if he sees Kristen on there he'll go on and look. Robin said she hopes he's not going to talk about how hot she is the whole time. Howard said he won't do that. He said he's going to talk about the new Charlie's Angels movies she's in. He said he wanted to see it but that PIX system messed up with him. He said they were on the phone with them last night and he's not the one messing up.
Robin asked if he saw the pants she was wearing on Saturday Night Live this week. Howard said he didn't see that. Robin said there were slits right near her ass cheeks. Howard said he missed that.
Howard said Trevor Noah (he called him Noah Trevor so Robin corrected him) was there yesterday and he was impressed with him. He said he got a lot of email about him. He said it was all positives from the audience. He read through some of those emails about the interview.
Howard said more people weighed in on the Brent thing. He said he didn't think he was out of line but apparently he was. Howard said Brent didn't ask Katelyn if she wanted to be part of the Hollyweird Squares thing. Robin said he claims he did. Howard read through some of the email the got about that discussion yesterday. Gary said Brent has a problem with some of the things he's saying now. Howard said he should come in then. Howard read more email and there were some people who thought Brent was out of his mind. Some agreed with Howard that it sounded kind of crazy.
Brent came in so Howard said he's all about exploring this stuff on the show. He said he wanted to understand why it bothered him to have Katelyn next to the Jackhammer. He said he wasn't brow beating him. Brent said the only thing is that he's not telling Katelyn what to do. He said he didn't put any of that stuff in there. He said he let her answer on her own. He said neither one of them are going to get on the air to ridicule the other one.
Howard said Rapaport suggested that they have them fuck in the center square and that way there's no problem. Howard asked what he thinks about that. Brent said it's not for everyone to consume. He said they don't want to use it to ridicule the other person.
Howard said Ronnie thinks that Brent is in big trouble. Ronnie came in and said he thinks Brent is starting to crack and he's unable to close this door he opened. He said he thinks that he exposed his whole life on the show and now it's coming back to bite him in the ass. Brent asked how it's biting him in the ass. Ronnie said after what goes on in there he's like a beaten man. Brent said it's emotionally draining to be in there. He said he knows what this meant. He said he knows where it's going. Ronnie said he was in a dark place out in L.A. Brent said he wasn't.
Howard read more of the email about the Brent and Katelyn thing. There were some people who said that Jackhammer should get his own square. Howard asked if he'd be against that. Brent said that's fine. He said his wife just isn't going to be part of it. Howard said you don't put your wife around someone named Jackhammer. Howard said the guy looks like Thanos. He said Chris got it right when he described him like that. Howard said no one named Jackhammer is going to fuck his wife. Brent said that she said she liked the cop better than that guy.
Robin said something so Ronnie asked what's up with her. Robin said he knows what's going on. Ronnie said she went out all weekend and lost her voice. Howard said he's lectured Robin before about this. He said he tells her that she can't be running around so much. He said she has done so many things in her life. He said she gets sick. He said she has done all of these wacky things with her body and put it through tremendous changes every weekend. Robin said she's the only one who travels. Howard said he's not saying that. He said she has slowed down but she can't resist. He said she put herself in this weekend and just had to be a legendary dove. He said she's busy with that. He said he's thinking about how she broke barriers in radio and that's what she had to do. Robin said that's what her high school prepared her to do. Howard said she's carrying on about being a legendary dove.
Howard said he thought he had a scratch in his throat yesterday so he canceled everything. He said he had meetings and a work out. He said he ended up sitting at his desk and drank hot water every hour. He said today he feels fine. He said that's enough of his lecture. He said it's simple if you listen to him.
Robin asked when she last had this problem. Ronnie said it doesn't matter. He said there's a first time for everything. Robin told him to shut up.
Howard said a cold is the body's way of crying. He said Robin said that once. Howard took a call from Hoarse Ronnie who asked what the fuck is wrong with her today. The guys played clips of Hoarse Ronnie talking about his voice. Howard said he feels like Robin and Ronnie made out and now Robin has that voice thing.
Howard said he got a lot of email about Brent. He said some were with him and some were against. He said he wants to say fuck you to anyone who wrote anything negative. He said Rapaport is right. He said if the Jackhammer and Katelyn were fucking that's okay. He said just sitting there they're not okay. He said what he did wasn't brow beating him.
Brent said they kind of didn't like what they did with the L.A. thing. He said they decided that they're doing things together. He said it was an experiment they let the audience in on. He said they're figuring out what they like and don't like. He said he thinks Howard is right about them going too far. Brent said she got to tell her stories and he didn't. Ronnie said that he did tell the story about fucking that girl and how it wasn't a good fuck. Brent said there was another story he didn't get to tell. He said that's fine. He said just give him that.
Howard said the audience was turning on him and how dare they do that. Howard said he's sitting there getting information and he wants to berate the audience for doing that to him. Howard said he has to say that Katelyn sounded like she liked it. Brent said she said that she had the best sex in her life with him. Howard played that clip where Katelyn talked about how all she wants to do is fuck Brent's dick. Howard said she's getting turned on by these guys. Brent said she's getting turned on by his stories. Howard said he hopes they learned something. Brent said he did. He said she got turned on by his stories about being with women. Ronnie said they don't know that. Brent said she wants him to tell her those stories while they're fucking. He said he gets turned on by what she did. Howard said how about getting turned on by being with each other. He said his wife's ass turns him on. Ronnie said him too. Howard said when a woman says she's going to let him inside her vagina that's all he needs.
Brent asked if Howard is going to regret not being into this wild stuff when he's on his death bed. Howard said not at all. Howard said there's a tremendous sexual excitement with someone new. He said he knows what that's like. He said he's been there. He said the thrill of being with that person was something. He said his constant need to be with someone wasn't good. He said he was on the prowl all the time. He said it wasn't a side of him he enjoyed. He said sex is exciting but it was driving him to be the person he didn't want to be. He said it was an amazing experience but he thinks they make it out to be more than it is. He said you have the baggage of having that other person involved with you. He said you wonder if you led each other on and things like that.
Howard said he was trying to get through to Trevor Noah about all of this. He said he can get a lot of women and he was trying to get through to him about this. He said we can't have everyone. He said people get hurt emotionally. Robin said Trevor is on the George Clooney track. Howard said that's right.
Howard said he can't get through to Bill Maher about this either. He said all of these women are with him and they must be wondering what they're doing. He said if you're in a position like that you have to feel for the women too. He said you have to think for the other person. Howard said if you told 17 year old Howard he could fuck a lot of women he'd be doing that. He said he wouldn't be thinking about what he'd be doing to them.
Howard said when you think about all of this you can't feel good about yourself. He said you might be hurting the women too. Brent said he's making some good points. Howard said there's something selfish about it too. Robin said you're using the woman to take care of you in your old age when you get involved later on. Howard said you do have to think about the other person. Robin said the other person should think of themselves. She said that's what the men are doing.
Howard said he'd feel bad for some of these women. He said he didn't want them to get emotionally attached to him. He said he was just using them for sex. He said he had some great friendships out of that. He said he was with some women that he became friends with. He said you can't marry everyone you're with. He said when emotions are involved you have to take it seriously. He said it's kind of gross to be with more than one person at a time.
Howard said if you're in show business you have to think about what you're doing the other people. He said some people aren't strong enough. Robin said now he's getting into the territory about being responsible even when you've told them the truth. Howard said not everyone has the power to walk away. Robin said that's not up to you. Howard said this is his morality. Robin said you can't impose that on other people.
Howard took a call from fake Simon Cowell who said that we do have to be responsible for others. He said he wants to make a vow on the show that he'll never fuck anyone's wife again. Howard said he doesn't believe that. He said he thinks that he is a scoundrel. Simon said he got him there. He admitted he was lying about that. Simon did a Simon Says thing with Howard where he asked him to have him fuck his wife. Howard said he almost fell for that. Howard and Simon went back and forth with some insults after that.
Howard said that guy is an adulterer. Brent said he's bizarre looking these days. Howard said Brent said no center square for Katelyn and the Jackhammer. Howard said he's hoping he shows up in the game. Robin said he sounded very nice yesterday. Brent said it's not a personal thing. He said this is a rule in their marriage that they will not break.
Howard said Shuli called Underdog and she is refusing to participate in the Hollyweird Squares game. Howard had some audio of Shuli talking to Underdog about that. Underdog said that she liked game shows until Howard Stern made a travesty out of it. Shuli asked Underdog if she would be interested in sharing a square with him. Underdog said no immediately. She said the mastermind cannot be trusted. Howard said he's like her super villain. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard said you have to check out the SiriusXM app. He said they have a bunch of music acts they've put up on his end of the app. He said they have had bands come up there and performed. Howard said they like the 90s bands. He said Collective soul did a cover of Super Bon-Bon. He said Soul Coughing did the song originally. He said Collective Soul did a cover of it. Howard played some of the song.
Howard said all of that is up on the app now. He said the app is free to you if you're a subscriber. He said thanks to all of those bands.
Howard said they've never had Robert De Niro on the show before. He said he's out promoting his new movie ''The Irishman'' there. Howard had the fake Robert on the microphone and he was talking about being stuck in traffic and wanting to get this shit over with.
Howard spent a short time talking to fake De Niro. De Niro was plugging the movie and just wanted out of there. He said he's sure this is the best fucking interview he's ever done. De Niro got a call and told his driver he told him to circle the fucking block until he's done. De Niro said he's getting a vibe from him that he's being a wise guy. He said he has a baseball bat at home with his name on it. Howard told him to stop it. De Niro kept threatening Howard with a baseball bat. Howard told him to say hi to Robin too. De Niro said hi to her and ended up going off on Ronnie the security guy. He said fuck everyone there. He said he's there to promote his fucking movie and fuck you. Howard let him go after that. Robin said that didn't go so well. Howard said it really didn't.
Howard said that's angry De Niro. Robin asked if there's another one. Howard said that's opposed to non talking De Niro.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if Brent and Katelyn would be up for a lie detector test for all of the questions they have about their relationship. Howard said he's not sure what questions they have. The caller said there's questions about hooking up and what went on with Katelyn in the bathroom at Ronnie's house. Howard said those are some good questions.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's got a lifestyle like Brent and he has to defend some of what he's saying. He said that they don't tell people about their relationship. Howard was ready to hang up on the guy but he changed something and it was coming in much better. The caller said he was trying to be hands free. Howard asked what he has to say. The caller said he could never tell everyone what he's up to. He said he thinks Brent is in over his head. He said that he's changing the rules all the time. He said you can't do that. Howard said he agrees with that. Brent came in and said they are experimenting and changing as they go along. The caller said he's moving too quick. He said they're changing too much.
Howard said he doesn't want to keep going over the same thing. He said some think it's dangerous and some think they won't be married too long.
Chris Wilding came in and said that Katelyn has been tweeting him and she's going to get them in trouble. He said that she's going off on him for posting a video. Brent said he's in there acting like he doesn't know them. Chris said he's simply saying that they're in a bad place. He said he's very fragile and a mess. Howard said he's not sure why Katelyn is mad at Chris. Chris said he's not either. He said it seems like they work each other over and then they go on twitter or come in there and go off. He said they both go on social media and respond to the trolls. Brent said he doesn't respond to anyone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks they missed something yesterday. He said this is sex cut and dry. He said when Katelyn did what she did it was over with. Howard said you can go into sex saying that sex is just sex but the problem is that we have emotions and connections. He said things can go horribly wrong. He said your world can be rocked by other people. He said you can start to have feelings for other people. He said it's playing with fire. Brent said there are lots of people who are successful at it. Howard said he's worried for Brent because he's his friend.
Howard said he's going to move on. Chris and Brent got into it again. Chris said that Katelyn should call in on a land line if she's an expert on radio. Brent said she's been around it more than Chris has. They went back and forth about that.
Gary said Brent is on social media. He said he just saw a post he made yesterday. Brent said the guy asked how he's doing and he said he's doing fine.
Howard said this Mark Zuckerberg is saying he won't take off ads from Facebook that have lies in them. He asked why he would do that. He said he won't take that off? Brent said he's putting profit above country. Howard said if the NY Times or they did something like that they'd get sued. Howard asked why Facebook doesn't have to be responsible. Brent said they're not vetting the ads. Howard asked what happened to Facebook. He said he didn't think people were going to get their political ads there.
Howard said there's a lack of credibility from a place that shows him pictures of Gary and Jon at the Brady Bunch house. He said he does love going on Facebook. Brent said it's a baby boomer thing. Howard said he loves it.
Howard said Mark Zuckerberg says he won't remove someone from the service if they're a holocaust denier. Chris asked if he and Brent can talk off the air. Brent said they can do that. Chris said that's great. Howard let them go and went to break.
Howard said he's been busy watching documentaries about music lately. He said they're more like concert films. Robin said he always says that documentaries suck. Howard said they do unless they're about music. He said he's not well thought out.
Howard said this song is very sad. Robin said it's not sad. She said she's telling the woman to get up.
Howard said Bill O'Reilly is fascinating. He said he's up to something. He said he was on top of the world. He said he got fired from FOX News. He said he had a career going and then he got on FOX News and he became really big. He said then he was #MeToo'd out of FOX. He said he desperately wants to be what he was on FOX News. He said he may have paid $32 million to a woman to keep her quiet or something. He said he should still have a lot of money but he's selling crap to his audience.
Howard said Bill has a news segment on his web site that costs $50 a year. He said this is the greatest thing he's ever heard. He said he has a concierge service on his web site and you can contact him and talk to him personally. He said he should just stop everything. He said if he has some money in the bank just stop. Robin asked if he's questioning how much money he has. Howard said maybe.
Howard said he's literally giving you his email address. Howard played the clip of Bill talking about this concierge service he has. He said you get that for $95 a year. He said you can message him and he'll get back to you if it's appropriate. He said he'll talk politics and foreign affairs. He said he will give a personal reply in writing. Robin said he's not going to talk to you. Howard asked if anyone is asking for this much Bill O'Reilly.
Howard said he'd like to meet the people who are paying that much for this service. Howard said he'd like to know if he has an intern answering the email. Howard played another clip of Bill saying they will help kids with their homework. Bill called the kids ''the urchin'' when he was describing them. Howard said that's a great thing for Father's day. He said that way Bill can deal with your kid for you. Howard asked if this guy has his own kids. Robin said yes. Howard said he calls the kids urchins.
Howard said that's some service he's offering. He said it's a money grab. He said he can't imagine many people would sign up for it. Robin said she doesn't understand people who watched him on FOX or people who watch FOX. Howard said this is a great gift for someone you don't like.
Howard said Bill is also involved with the Great American Wealth Service. He said he's a paid spokesperson for this service. He said listen to this intro. He played the clip where they called Bill a living legend. They were talking about all of Bill's accomplishments in the intro. Howard said what a character. He said it's like the controversy never happened. Robin said that's the problem.
Howard said he should be introduced like that. He did his own talk up for Bill where he talked about Bill selling you door mats and things like that. Howard said Bill name dropped during this thing. He said he dropped Billy Joel. He said there are a lot of charlatans walking around. He said he and Billy grew up in the same neighborhood. Howard said Bill claims he went to Boston University with him too. He said he never saw the guy there. He said he's not sure what he's doing.
Howard played more of the clip where Bill talked about Billy getting ripped off by some financial guy. Bill said he doesn't want that to happen to him.
Howard said just send him your PIN so he can sort it all out for you. Howard said Bill also has a new book that he's giving away for free if you sign up for this service. Howard played a clip of Bill talking about the book. He said he thinks it's his best piece of writing. He claims one woman said she wasn't able to put the book down and read the whole thing overnight.
Howard said you have to send the book back if you cancel this service. He said read it quick. Howard said he's glad he doesn't have to sell you door mats and stuff like this. Howard said he's a weirdo. He said it's so strange.
Howard said a lot of the radio shows are changing and stations are going away. He said KROQ used to make a ton of money. He said that the guys are calling it quits now. He said it made him kind of sad. He said he doesn't even know them that well. Robin said he just told them that he doesn't have feelings but he does. Howard said he's the opposite of what he thinks he is.
Howard said the guys are being inducted into the Radio hall of fame with Ryan Seacrest and Dr. Ruth. Howard asked how old she is. Robin said she has another book out on sex. Howard said she was like 90 back in the 80s. Gary said she's 91 now. Howard said they say she's actually 291. He said she's like a vampire.
Howard read the story about this kid and said he's not sure how he got past so many people. He said he was in sixth grade. He said he was going to march in the school parade. Howard said a mother complained to the school and they explained they thought he was Charlie Chaplain even though he had the swastika. He asked who's buying that. He said all of those teachers should be fired if they thought he was Charlie Chaplain.
Robin said there was a guy arrested for having pipe bombs on him. She said there are also people who are driving up and punching Jewish people and driving away. Howard said he's very Jewy so he had better watch out. Howard said he has to take a break and get Kristen Stewart in there too. He said he has a story about Benjy that he has to tell. He said he was a pain in the ass out in L.A. He said he has to get to that at some point.
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Howard came back and asked if Robin was singing to that one. Robin said yes. Howard said that was something. Howard said Kristen Stewart is there. He said he became aware of her with those Twilight movies. He said he's so used to seeing her. He said he checks the internet every day. Howard introduced her to Robin and said forget about Fred. Howard said it's weird to meet her. He said he does look at her pictures on the DailyMail every day. He said he follows her life. He said she looks really annoyed in the pictures. Kristen said she has been cast as that character in the comic book of whatever that is.
Howard said he doesn't know what to do when people are taking his picture. He said he's not sure what to act like. Kristen said it's arbitrary too. She said she looks miserable and sometimes she doesn't even know those people are there. Howard said he likes to look at her pictures. He said she's fascinating to him.
Robin asked if they make it up as they go along or is it all true. Kristen said she thinks it's pretty simple stuff. She said they say she looks tired or that she's showing her midriff. Howard said he's created his whole life around her. He said she's in her crop top showing off her midriff and it's crazy. He said she's just being someone trying to live their life. He said that's just you being you.
Howard asked Kristen about doing a movie with Woody Allen if it blows her mind when he tells her to hurry up. He said he thought good directors aren't supposed to tell you what to do. Kristen said in that circumstance she agreed with him. She said it wasn't designed to throw her off kilter. She said she wants to service the thing.
Kristen said she's missing her water bottle. Howard asked if she doesn't drink out of plastic. Kristen said she tries not to. Howard said he has that same thing. He said he's trying not to drink out of plastic. He said he doesn't truest the water coming out of his sink. Kristen said there are filter bottles that make the water alright. Kristen said the water there is good in New York. Howard said he tries to separate all of the plastic but they say that it just ends up in the ocean anyway. Robin said she has a filter bottle for him. Howard said he's not sure what to do with that if he's not cleaning it enough. Robin said you guy another one when it wears out. Someone brought in the water for Kristen. Kristen said there are water stores where you can get water and make it cold and things.
Howard asked how normal or abnormal her life is now. He asked how people even know where she is. Kristen said they like to stay outside her house. She said there is no getting away. She said you just forgo the care. She said they sit outside and they watch you. She said there are a few people where she lives that they follow. Howard said he would have a car accident if they were following him. Kristen said she used to be out of her god damn mind about it but now she just deals with it. Kristen said there are people who do not care about other humans. She said these people are those people. She said they're thieves. Howard said that's how Princess Diana died. Kristen said that story turns her inside out. She said it makes her sick.
Howard said she can get a lot of parts because of Twilight but it also causes all of these problems. He said she was a young girl when Twilight came out. Kristen said she was only 18. Howard said he had Robert Pattinson on the show and he said here was no way that relationship could last under that scrutiny. Kristen said you want to have a life but you have to think about what you want. She said you deprive yourself of things like holding hands. She said it sucks. Howard said the best part of a relationship is telling people you're in love. He said it's so exciting. Howard said he did that with his wife. He said it takes away the experience. Howard said here are no lessons you can take to learn how to handle this stuff.
Howard said Bradley Cooper goes out on the subway there in New York. He said it seems like he can walk around and not get the attention that Kristen gets. Howard said there are some women who are so mesmerizing that they are consumed with you. Kristen said that men are approached in a different way because maybe they're more intimidating or something. She said there's a respect thing there. She said it's like fodder. She said she's seen the difference. Howard said she might be right about that. She said with women they want you to smile and have your photograph taken.
Howard said when someone becomes a couple then they become more interested in them. Kristen said it's a fantasy and it's projection. Howard said it's really weird when it's a girl who is 18. Howard said it's almost like rape. Kristen said don't say that. She said she didn't mean to say it like that. She said it is like being stolen from and forced.
Howard asked if he should stop going on DailyMail and looking at her. Kristen said she takes pictures willingly that are out there too. Howard said he's going to stop.
Howard asked Kristen about playing Joan Jett in a movie and how weird it must be to hang out with her and then play her. Howard said it would intimidate him to hang out with her and then play her. Howard said she's going to look at her cross eyed if she plays her wrong. Howard asked if she hung out with her the whole time. Kristen said she hung out with her the whole shoot. She said there wasn't a time she wasn't with her. Howard asked if that's weird to her. Kristen said in this case she'd do it the same way. She said Joan is so intimidating. She said she has this armor on that's kind of penetrating. She said she's really tough. She said she is that way because she's a delicate little angel baby. Howard said she's an artist. Howard said if you get to know her then you realize she's this artist.
Howard said people think that Joan is super cool. He said if you're hanging around then you want to be that cool so you have to be a different person. Howard said he wouldn't want to disappoint her if he was playing her. Kristen said she finds it an absurd act. She said she was rehearsing Cherry Bomb and she could see that Joan was worried about it. She said she started crying and she promised her that it was going to be okay. She said that Joan let her be this person. She said she didn't want to do an impression. Howard said he understands that. He said when you're pretending it feels ridiculous. He said once you're in front of the camera you get into it and commit. He said he'd be annoyed if Joan was hanging out with him all day because he'd have to explain that.
Howard asked if she played guitar at all in her life. Kristen said she played on set. She said she played on Into the Wild too. She said she didn't play live but she knew the songs and they pre-recorded them.
Howard asked what her favorite movie was to do. He said he'd think working with Jodi Foster was great. Howard said she was only 11 in the movie The Safe Room. Howard said he believed she was her daughter. Kristen said that Jodi was cast after she was. She said she thought it was perfect because she looked like her. Howard asked if she knew what a big deal Jodi was. Kristen said she had seen Taxi Driver by then. She said she saw Private Parts when she was really little too. She said it was very formative. She said she remembers thinking ''What is that?'' She said she saw the movie and she read parts of the book too. She said she really enjoyed it and she was extremely curious. She said she turned out fine but it was a thing. Howard said don't blame him if she's seeing a psychiatrist.
Howard asked if she sees a therapist at all. Kristen said she isn't seeing anyone but she enriches her life by consuming art. She said she loves her friends and her dog. She said she should probably go to therapy though. Howard asked if she can turn to anyone who can say to her that they went through something and this is how you handle it. He said he knows PR people can tell you some things. He said he imagines there aren't a lot of people she can trust. Kristen said her publicist, Ruth, has been with her since she was 13 so she trusts her. She said she's like her sister and a best friend. She said she knows that it's not self serving. She said they function in a natural way.
Howard asked Kristen about her parents and Kristen said her father was a stage manager and her mother was a script supervisor. Howard said it must be weird to be on set and seeing all of that. Kristen said she wanted to do all of that. She said she was excited about it all. She said they would come home smelling like they were out in the world and doing these great things. She said they'd come with stuff from the set and it was all she wanted. Howard asked if she wanted to be an actor. Kristen said she just wanted to be on the crew. She said she wasn't even thinking about acting. She said she got older and realized how you can be fulfilled as an artist in that way. She said she became more pretentious.
Howard asked if she trained as an actress. Kristen said she didn't. Howard said she just went into it by feel. Howard asked if she ever did a commercial. Kristen said she did do one for Porsche. She said it was really cool. Howard asked if she was able to remember lines. Kristen said she was. She said she would get thrown out of TV shows and commercials. She said the first movie she did was very dark.
Howard asked about what it was like auditioning. Kristen said it's demoralizing. She said she went for a year and a half without getting anything. She said she eventually found her people.
Howard asked Kristen if she's Jewish. Kristen said she is 24 percent Jewish. She said her mom was adopted. She said she's thrilled about it. Howard said an agent saw her singing the dreidel song and an agent saw something in her. Kristen said her mom asked if she wanted to do something like that and she said yes. She said she was super shocked herself.
Howard said if he saw her at a party would she be sitting in a corner or would she be having a conversation. Kristen said it depends on how fucked up she is. She said she was kidding. Howard asked if she smokes weed out there in California. Kristen said the first time she was photographed by the Paparazzi she was smoking a pipe. She said it was in the Post. She said her publicists told her to take it inside from then on.
Howard said they're so afraid of addiction out there in L.A. He said people are probably telling her what to do and what not to do all the time. Kristen said yes and no. She said she can feel it in some conversations. She said most people are supportive and loving. Howard asked if they tell her not to smoke weed. Kristen said she had that conversation years ago and she never got over it. She said it became absurd over time.
Howard said there are a couple of guys in Hollywood who are gay and it was pretty well known. He said if the public found out then you were fucked. He said he can picture in her life that people told her not to be photographed with a woman. He said that happened to her. Howard said he wanted to ask her about that. He said he likes what she's doing. He said it just has to be okay to be whatever the fuck you are. Kristen said she's so lucky to be living in this time. She said people 5 years younger than her have it so much easier than she did 3 years ago. She said there is no reason for people to provide an easy narrative for people to consume. She said she doesn't have to make people feel more comfy. She said she's not sure why you'd box that up.
Howard said he admires her courage. He said he remembers when people would come out and how horrible it was for them. He said the way she's living her life is a beautiful example. He said that she can hold a person's hand in public. He said her life would suck if she couldn't do that. Kristen said she's really lucky. She said she was never really in the closet. She said she and Rob kept their stuff hidden. She said she was raised by a loving couple and that helped. Howard said they took in kids who had problems at home. He said that's very unusual. Kristen said her best friend had a rough upbringing and he had to be there. She said they did that with some of their friends too. Howard said his mother would never have allowed that. Howard said her parents seem to have a really open attitude.
Kristen said they were a very communal family. Howard asked what the parents of the kid said. Kristen said her friend's parents died of drug overdoses. She said he would have been in the system if they hadn't taken him in. Howard said not too many people would take that on. Kristen said she has friends who are very tight knit. She said it's a nice way to live. Howard asked what it's like to have a friend who had parents who died of overdoses. He said there had to be tremendous sadness there. He said it had to weigh on her. Kristen said to be honest yeah. She said she wishes it didn't still follow him. She said she still feels terribly for him.
Howard asked why she dropped out of school and got home schooled. Kristen said school was horrible and scary. She said she was lucky. Howard asked why school was so bad for her. Kristen said that she hadn't done anything too big yet as far as acting. She said she thinks it was just the age she was at. She said she had her friends but she felt gross. She said she dressed weird and she would shower and think she just hated this. Howard said he figured she was the prom queen at school. He said she's beautiful. He said he assumes that good looking people get that advantage. Kristen said her 7th grade pictures aren't cute. Howard said his wife modeled and the principal at her school was involved in her life. He said it was weird.
Kristen said she was in public school and they had to have packages put together for her to study. She said she'd fail a class and she was working. She said she had to drop out to figure that all out. She said it was so much better for her to focus on things. She said she was in Special Ed math and she was in AP English. She said they were so far apart that she'd have to run to class. She said she'd be late and it as almost impossible for her to get there. She said she'd be late and in trouble and she didn't speak up for herself. She said if she had just told her parents it would have been fine. She said kids just don't do that. Kristen said she'd be asking her kid about everything going on in their lives.
Howard said Kristen never got to go to college. He asked if she ever thought about that. Kristen said she has a chip on her shoulder from that. Kristen said that actors tell you what they have done and what they know. She said she does that. Howard said she says that she had a lot of experience in life from working in the movies. Howard said she fell in love with Rob on the set. He said that's a big mistake. Kristen said there was nothing she could do about it. Howard said they had immediate chemistry in the audition. Kristen said she has this fear that it might be for attention. She said she has never been allowed to say what happened there. She said she isn't seeking attention. She said she was afraid that people would see it that way. She said they were together for years. She said it was her first love after high school. Howard said Rob is a charming guy. Kristen said he's the best.
Howard said the first movie and the way she played it was perfect. He said he loves scenarios where the Superman of the movie finds someone who discovers his powers. Howard said she played it just right. He said the scene that he watches over and over again is the first scene where he pushes the car so she doesn't die. He said then she realizes that he has these powers. He said then they go to the woods and they're jumping out the window and all of that. He said it's really romantic.
Kristen said she knew they were doing a teen movie and in this she wanted to do a culty kind of thing that was kind of girly. She said she doesn't even know what that means now. Howard said it is a girly thing. He said it's a traditional girly role. Howard said it's even more brave that she came out and she's living her life the way she is now. He said there's a temptation to fall into the same part.
Kristen said she's about to do a gay Christmas movie. She said it's a studio film. She said she thinks it's Sony. She said she could be wrong. Howard asked if she forgot. Kristen said her friend Cleo wrote it and she's probably like ''Kristen you idiot.'' She said it's cool that they're backing a movie like that. Howard said there's a lot of gay people out there so why not. Kristen said it's about a couple that goes back home and one of them is coming out. She said they get to the family and the family doesn't know that she's gay. She said it goes downhill from there.
Howard said he has friends who are gay and will not come out. He said they don't want to deal with the shit. He said a gay Christmas movie is a great idea. Kristen said you don't have to deal with the shit. She said you can look at all of the shit in the world or look at the beautiful things.
Howard said Kristen worked for Sean Penn and Sean recommended her for Twilight. Kristen said she can't remember exactly how that worked. Howard asked how Sean was as a director. Kristen said he was great. She said he made it feel like anything could happen. Howard said it must be great working for these adults and the adults are telling you what to do. He said it's a weird thing. Kristen said her mom was with her all the time. She said they were very protective. She said she would joke about being the set mom who had to drag her off when they were out of time.
Howard asked if she ever experienced any of the #MeToo stuff. Kristen said she has been so luckily that she never has. She said she's never had anything like that. Kristen said she was shy as a little kid and she may have seemed like someone who didn't want that kind of thing done to her. She said she's not saying that other women did want it but that's how she felt. She said she has gotten really lucky. She said she has seen crew do that to other people on set. She said they make stand ins do weird shit and things like that. She said she'll say something and call it out if she sees it.
Kristen said her makeup artist was dealing with that shit one day. She said she called it out and the guy couldn't believe she did that. Howard said some guys just don't get it. He said he doesn't know one woman who hasn't been molested or raped. He said it's unbelievable how many women have been through it.
Howard got back to Twilight and said that he's fascinated by it. He said he loves the moment when things get out of control. He said she got the role pretty easily. Kristen said she auditioned a lot for that movie. Howard said he heard Jennifer Lawrence had auditioned for it too. Kristen said she hadn't even read the book when she got it. Howard asked if there were movies that she wanted and didn't get. Kristen said for sure but she can't remember what they were. She said if she didn't get a part she wouldn't think about it. She said she did movies that she wanted to do.
Howard said Rob told him that they wanted both of them to be smiley on the set in the movie and they had to do it the way they did it. Kristen said he refused to do it the other way. She said she was so overwrought too. She said she wanted to do it the way they did it. She said they were constantly being reprimanded. She said that's why the movie worked so it's good they stuck with it. Howard said he wouldn't have liked the character if she had been all smiley. He said the movie was a tragedy and it worked.
Kristen said she can't believe that she's looking at Robin and talking to her. She said it's really trippy. Howard said he thinks the same thing about Robin.
Howard said when Kristen auditioned for Twilight she had to roll around on the director's bed with Rob. Kristen said it was is really weird. She said it was supremely fucked up. She said she was into it but it was fucked up. She said she's had real experiences making movies. She said she retains memories about making movies. She said when it's good you're going through something. She said they set themselves up for something as actors. Howard asked if she can go back and watch her movies. Kristen said she can. She said she's seen parts of Twilight and the movie is kind of clunky. She said it's such a weird movie. She said it has a spirit but it's hard to watch yourself at 17. She said it's an awkward time.
Howard asked if she would recommend falling in love on set. Kristen said it's not really a choice. Howard said the set is such an aphrodisiac. Kristen said you could say that about other things too. Howard said you get treated like a star there. Kristen said not on that movie. Howard asked if she was afraid she was in love and falling for her co-star. Kristen said she thought they were rock stars. She said that's what she wanted. Howard said it's like being trapped in high school. He said she had this great romance going on outside of that.
Howard asked about the money part of the whole thing. He asked if they were okay with money growing up. Kristen said they were. She said they grew up near Topanga Canyon. She said she rode her bike to school and it was very normal. Howard said she's a kid and then she has financial freedom. He asked if it was mind blowing and liberating for her. He said she got a percentage of the gross for the sequels. He said she could have gotten what she wanted for them. Howard asked if she went crazy and started buying everything. Kristen said no. She said she spends her money on real estate. She said she has a great house out there in Los Angeles. Howard said everything is on fire out there. He said he was out there and it smelled like fire.
Howard asked if people were hitting her up for money. Kristen said they were. She said she has dependents. She said she doesn't mind that though. She said she's grateful that she can do that.
Howard asked about Charlie's Angels and if she watched the old TV shows. Kristen said she didn't. Howard asked why not. Kristen said she watched a few minutes. She said it was from a different time. She said you can get the gist of it from watching a few minutes. Howard said it must be fun to be in one of those movies. Kristen said it is. She said you get to kill the bad guys. Howard said the movie comes out on November 15th.
Howard said she just did Saturday Night Live. He asked if she liked that. Kristen said she does it. She said sometimes it's just mood oriented. She said she loves people and loves talking to people. She said you hit this ceiling and you don't want to talk about this thing anymore. She said her work is personal and there is no separation from her personal and professional life. She said she's never professional. Kristen said sometimes it's gouging out your insides and you want them to get away from you. She said she's referring to promotion. Howard said she never got promotion even when she was a little kid. Howard said she went out to promote that movie at 11 years old and she didn't know what to do. Kristen said she hated doing interviews. Howard said she doesn't mind being judged as an actor but as a person it's different. Kristen said she had no control over it.
Howard said she feels the obligation to promote Charlie's Angels but going on Saturday Night Live isn't what she wants. Kristen said that's scary. Howard said the first time she did it she showed tweets that President Trump had put out about her. Howard said this was great. He said so many people don't talk about their personal lives. He said Trump was consumed with her and Rob Pattinson breaking up. He said Trump said that Rob could do much better. Kristen said she had defied him in some way. Howard asked how weird it is to have that going on. He said she thought that it was terrific that she talked about it on Saturday Night Live. Kristen said you'd think he'd have more important things to do. Howard said the guy is judging you. Kristen said she's gagging right now. She made a gagging sound. Howard asked if she'd want to sleep with him. Kristen asked if it's worse to sleep with him or have people believing that he did. She said she wonders about that. Howard said Donald thinks he's the catch of the century.
Howard said he thinks Trump was sincere that he thinks Rob could do better. Kristen said the whole thing is ridiculous. Howard asked if she ever talked to Rob about it. Kristen said they got back together and they went through a thing. She said they wanted to be together. She said they definitely did talk about everything in that time. Howard said it's kind of an exciting thing to talk about. Kristen said she still needs more separation from that.
Robin said the thing that was amazing to her was that all of the Twilight fans were so invested in her relationship. Kristen said people like watching stories. She said she had people asking if the relationship was real or fake. Howard said they used to do that in the old days. Kristen said it's such an old school thing to do. She said she would never live her life like that.
Kristen said they were so young back then. Howard asked if there's a point that she would have gotten married. Kristen said she doesn't know. Howard asked if she would have said yes to him. Kristen said she doesn't really know. She said she thought every relationship was it. She said she's never been the most casual person.
Howard asked if she will ever marry. Kristen said she will. She said it's not tied to any convention but when you know you know. Howard said he got married because it shows this is the person you hold above all others and he wants to announce it to the world. Kristen said she feels the same way. Howard said it elevates the relationship. He said it's romantic. Kristen said it's being recognized and it means a lot to her to have family there.
Howard said he didn't like the way people talked about his wife before they were married. He said they thought she was the bimbo who was going to hang around. Kristen seemed to like what she was hearing. Howard said it's true.
Howard said the first time she did Saturday Night Live she was cursing up a storm. He said she was nervous. Kristen said she was embarrassed. She said sketch comedy is ridiculous. She said it's not what she does. She said it's baffling to watch what they do over there. Howard said Kate McKinnon is fabulous. Kristen said she's floored by that person. She said it's weird. Howard said it's a unique talent.
Howard said he thinks that men and women are born with a face to be a leading man or woman. He said she has the look. Kristen said she doesn't want to sound like an asshole agreeing with him. Howard said she has the look. Kristen said she was such a weird and not popular person. She said her best friend was a cheerleader and she felt like a troll for a long time. Kristen said when she turned 16 or 17 and the guy she had the crush on liked her back and she didn't believe it. She said she didn't get why someone liked her. Kristen said she's super lucky that she gets to do love story movies.
Howard said Saturday Night Live is a very uncomfortable situation for her. He said it must be good doing the film bits. Kristen said that was fun. Howard said when she came out to do the monologue it must have been tough. Kristen said that was the easiest for her actually. She said she puts no pressure on herself to go out and talk about herself with the audience. Howard said her friends say that her Charlie's Angels character reflects what she's really like. Kristen said she's not good at improv. She said that's not her default setting.
Howard asked who tells her what to wear out there. He said it was very sexy. Kristen said that she likes women so she dresses like that. Howard asked if she has a stylist. Kristen said she's had one since she was 16. She said she knows her very well.
Howard asked if she hangs out with Cold Play. Kristen said she's there from Tuesday until 1 in the morning on Saturday. She said she will ask the writers to add something and she feels so weird doing that. She said they ask you to do that.
Howard said if she does an impression of someone then why not go to them with that? Kristen said she probably has an inferiority complex about her superiority complex.
Howard asked Kristen about a story he read about Harvey Weinstein and a Saudi Arabian prince asking him to get Kristen alone with him for 15 minutes. Kristen said it sounds crazy but this occurred. She said that she had been side stepping this person in other ways. She said she knew about this person and she kept saying no. She said it wasn't a philanthropic thing at all. Howard said he must have thought she'd fall in love with him after 15 minutes. Kristen said she's not sure what his thought process was.
Kristen said she went to this fund raiser and the guy was there. She said she realized she had been fully harpooned. She said it was well intentioned but it was a lie. She said she was coerced into a really good thing. She said if he had just told her maybe she would have done it. She said to do that to someone is just wrong. Howard said she had the 15 minutes with the guy then. Kristen said she walked into the room and the guy was there. She said she had security around her so it wasn't dangerous or anything. She said it was weird but not threatening. She said he could have gone through it in a different way. Howard said that's fucked up.
Howard asked if she gets proposed to a lot. Kristen said not at all. She said she must not put that off. Howard said it would have been funny if she had ended up marrying the guy. Howard said that would have mad a great movie. Kristen said she probably just stared at Ruth the whole time.
Howard said Kristen is only 29 and she's lived a full life. Kristen said she feels crazy lucky. She said she feels like she's in a simulation and she's in some designer life.
Robin said she was jumping up and down at the end of Saturday Night Live. She said she must have been happy. Howard said she must have hated it that much. Kristen said she didn't hate it. She said she loves that kind of thing. She said that Lorne told her that she's welcome back if she wants to and she said she would come back.
Howard said he tries to paint things he's not comfortable painting. He said he likes the challenge. He said he thinks that's how you get better. He said that's what it sounds like she wants to do with going on Saturday Night Live.
Howard said she has so much success and when you fuck up you have a spotlight on it. Kristen said she was afraid that she'd be super bummed if this movie didn't come out good. She said that she has made bad movies before. Howard asked what movie she's made was bad. Kristen said she doesn't want to be mean to people. Howard asked what her worst performance was. Kristen said she's embarrassed by Adventureland. She said she loves the movie and the director and Jesse Eisenberg. She said people do love it. She said she wasn't bad in it but she thinks she could have done better. She said in Twilight New Moon she had some issues. She said she could have done better work in that movie.
Howard said she's been nude in a lot of movies. Kristen said it's not a problem at all for her. Kristen said she's not a prude. Howard asked what it was like the first time she had to show her titties. Kristen said she has nothing to hide. She said she wants to bare herself. Howard said he admires her. He said it's very admirable what's going on with her. Kristen said it's all or nothing for her.
Robin asked if she did the independent films after Twilight by choice or not. Kristen said she just wants to make good movies. Howard said that Snow White movie made like half a billion dollars. He said that she wasn't asked back for the second one. Kristen said they didn't put her in that movie because there was a scandal. She said that she got involved with the director. Howard said that sounds wrong to him. Kristen said she thinks that movie wasn't that big of a deal. Howard said he's forgotten about it. Kristen said she thought the second one could have been really good. She said that she did other stuff and that was fine. Howard asked if she fucked that guy. Kristen said she didn't fuck that guy. Howard asked why she doesn't clear that up. Kristen said she does feel like she's doing that now. She said this is such a great place to be honest. She said she's been able to do it there. Howard said the media made it out to be a big deal and it wasn't. Kristen said she was really young and she didn't know how to deal with things. She said she made some mistakes. She said that it was none of their business anyway. She said the work was ignored in a way that was petty and frivolous.
Howard said she's brave about her girlfriend and about other things in her life. He said she's said a lot today. Kristen said she has. Howard said Ruth quit after this. Kristen said she loves Howard. Howard said Kristen is in Charlie's Angels. He said go out and see the movie. He said Charlie's Angels are sexy. Kristen said these bitches are taking it back. She said it's about a network of women across the globe. Howard said he thought there was just one Bosley but they're saying they're all over the world. Kristen said all of the women in power are Angels. She said the whole message is that Charlie is a movement. She said it's not a man who sends women off to do his bidding. Howard said the Angels run the company. He said that's the difference.
Howard asked if she can do karate. Kristen said she can't but she can fake it. Howard said when Keanu Reeves plays John Wick he really can do that stuff. Kristen said they account for every bullet in this movie. She said they're not killing nameless goons. She said they need to stop people and they're posing a threat so they need to be taken out.
Howard asked how long the shoot was. Kristen said it was 4 months. She said they shot it in Berlin. Howard asked how that was. Kristen said it's weird and eerie. She said that's not where you want to flounce around in small outfits. She said it was cold there. Howard said he sees why. He said she must have been miserable. He said she seems to like wearing few clothes in warm weather. Kristen said her style is all over the place.
Howard said his wife lived in Berlin and loved it. Kristen said it's very liberated. Howard said he would have been asking to go to a warm place to shoot the movie. He said how about the Bahamas. Kristen said yes to that.
Howard said Kristen has been raw and honest today. He said they covered a lot of topics. He said he's not sure how to sum up. Robin said she thinks they've got it all.
Howard asked if Kristen is in love right now. Kristen said she is. Howard asked if she will propose. Kristen said she can't wait. Howard told her to do it. Kristen said she will. She said she can't say how. She said she's probably not listening but it might get back to her. Howard asked if she's told her she wants to marry her. Kristen said she has. She said she has some great plans.
Howard said he fucked his up. He said he got naked and asked Beth to get naked. He said he thought they should be naked when he did it. He said imagine what he looks like naked He said just don't be naked when you do it.
Howard said he was out with Jimmy Kimmel and his wife and he saw a guy get down on his knee in front of them an propose. Howard said it was romantic. He said maybe that's what Kristen should do. Kristen said she's very impulsive and she's not sure when it's going to happen. She said the first time she said she loves her was just out of nowhere. She said she has this cool thing she wants to do but she can't tell Howard.
Howard said he just re-proposed to his wife and got married on Ellen. Kristen asked what he was talking about. Howard said he has asked Beth to marry him again a few times and she said no. He said he got on Jimmy's show and did that and she said yes. He said that was romantic. Howard said come on this show and propose. Kristen laughed. She said her idea is different. Howard asked if she'll have a ring. Kristen said it's wrapped up in there. Howard said don't do a cigar band or something. Kristen said she has the coolest thing. She said she'll tell Howard as soon as they're off the air. Howard said she should tell them already since she's already told her she wants to marry her. He said she's doing it right. Howard said it's time to marry and profess your love. Kristen said she completely agrees with him. She said the woman is a brilliant Screen writer. She said she has a stack of scripts in the apartment and 3 of them she wants to do. Howard asked if they're the same age. Kristen said her girlfriend is a few years older.
Howard asked if she wants to have kids. Kristen said she does. She said she wants to make the family complete. Howard said she has to get a pre-nup. Howard said if she's the right person then she will be okay with it. He said she's sitting on a stash of money. Kristen said she never thought about that but maybe he's right. She said she has good values. Howard said she's going to share but she has to have a pre-nup. Kristen said she loves providing things for her. She said she gives her shit and it makes her very happy. Howard said she's really in love. He said he can tell and he just met her. He said she wants to scream it from the hill tops. Kristen said yeah.
Howard said he's kept her there for like 17 hours. He said he will let her go. He gave her some plugs and said he's so happy he met her. Kristen said she grew up with Howard so this was great for her too. She said she has to give a shout out to her mom's friend Patty who listens to the show every day. She said that she gave her the best friend she has. She said that's Suzy.
Howard asked who her best show business friend is. Kristen said Emma Roberts is very close. She said she just moved into her neighborhood. Howard said he should get together with them. Robin said they can get together at 6. Howard asked if she minds eating at 4:30. Kristen said she'll eat all day.
Howard gave Kristen more plugs and wrapped up with her. He thanked her for coming in today. He asked if it was horrible. Kristen said she loved this. She said she loves doing something like this and not the stuff they do on other shows. Howard said he knows that it can be drudgery. Kristen said she was dreading it this morning but she is loving this now. She said he's sending her off into a press day and she's in a good mood. Kristen said she has to go talk to the Hollywood Foreign Press. She said that's something she's used to by now. She said she's been doing that since she was a little kid. She said she'll be with the other girls later today. Howard asked who else is in it with her. Kristen said they have Ella Balinska and Naomi Scott.
Howard said he got to be in a movie with Paul Giamatti and Mary McCormack. Kristen said she knows. Howard said he told Robert Downey Jr. that he deserves an Oscar for Tony Stark. He said he didn't even want to go and campaign. Kristen said you have to do it. She said she'll do that when she does something she thinks is worthy of that. Howard said he has to let her go because she has so much publicity to do. Kristen said she feels like she's said everything and she should just refer everyone to this interview. Howard said they'll all go see the movie. He said they love hot women and action. Kristen said and there we are.
Howard gave a shout out to Patty who made Suzy. Kristen said that's great. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard said he really likes that Kristen Stewart. Howard said they're not going to do news today because Robin's voice is shot. He said they're going to have her back tomorrow. He said she had to go and become a dove over the weekend. Robin said she's a legendary dove. Howard said she's already a legend. Howard said Fred's sound effects for doves sound like pigeons.
Howard asked Fred to show Robin the new Gary puppet. Fred showed it. Howard said it's a little thin. Fred said it smells better than Gary too. Howard said he's a fan of the old Gary puppet. Fred did his impression of Gary and changed it to a new one but Howard liked the old one and told him to change it back.
Howard asked the Gary Puppet about going to the Brady Bunch house. He also asked him about his top albums of all time. Howard had to cut him off saying that he's falling asleep over there.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked who Howard dislikes more, Simon Cowell or Les Moonves. Howard said that's a tricky thing. He said he doesn't like Simon because he lied to his face and treated him like an idiot. He said he wanted to talk to him about the Sony hack and lie to him about the emails not being real. He said Les sued him. He said Les is a charming guy but then you think about what he did to the actresses. He said if you believe what they said about him he's a criminal. He said Simon isn't a criminal. He said he's not sure. He said he thinks maybe Les. Robin asked if he thinks Les over Simon. Howard said Simon is a weasel. He said he lies to his face but Les sued him for no reason.
Howard has Simon on the phone and he wants to talk to the woman on the phone, Jen. Howard got fake Simon on and he said he would like to fuck Jen. She said she'd rather screw her grandma. Howard asked if Jen is married. She said she is. Simon said that's perfect. He said he has decided that he's going to take Howard's job at SiriusXM Pandora. Howard said he has to be on his game to have a job there. He said lets see him do it. Simon did his Howard impression and said ''Hey Now'' and mentioned some things that he does on the show. He was bringing up his staff being gross and retarded. He farted into the microphone too. Howard said he sounds good actually. Simon said he blows Jimmy Kimmel too.
Howard said they saw him on Ellen telling boring stories. Simon said he's sure Scott Greenstein would want him to start soon. Simon kept talking about wanting Howard's job. Howard said he never should have put him on. He let him go and Jen go.
Howard said he has to sneeze. He sneezed a couple of times. He said he still loves that. He said he loves burping and farting too. He said he can't even control the loudness of his sneeze. He said he loves that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to ask if Sal is still vaping. Howard said that's a good question. He said Sal is an idiot so he probably is. The caller said Howard reaming him about it was what made him quit. Howard asked how you can watch TV and see these people's lungs being destroyed by vaping and keep doing it? He said that they're ruining their lives. Howard said it's like taking Oxycontin to get off of heroin. The caller said he was doing it and he heard him reaming Sal about it and he threw his away.
Howard asked Sal if he's still vaping. Sal got on a microphone and said he is still vaping. He said he's doing maybe the amount of 10 cigarettes a day. Howard said some of the vape juice he was using had a skull and crossbones on it. Sal said now it has a flame on it. Howard asked how he can keep doing it. Sal said it happens. He said there were tainted CBD cartridges that were causing problems. He said there are some legit stuff and it's fine. Howard said this one kid was doing it and it was like using mustard gas. Sal said he was using the bad stuff.
Howard asked Sal to say statistician. Sal tried to say it but he can't get it out. Sal said it wrong. Howard id another live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard if he would go to Kristen's wedding if he was invited. Howard said if it's in New York he might. He said she lives in L.A. though. The caller said he hopes Robin feels better. Robin said thanks for that.
Howard said they have all heard people singing. He said he's going to play this and you have to guess if they're black or white. Howard played a clip of a guy singing a Marvin Gaye song. Howard said this guy is doing a cover of that song. Robin asked where these are from. Howard said they're from music land. He said he doesn't know.
Howard asked if that was a black or white man. Matt said he's going to guess black. Howard said he's right. He played more of the guy singing. He said his name is Aloe Black.
Howard said his is the first one that counts. Howard played another clip and said this isn't the same singer. Robin said it sounds just like him. Howard said this next song counts. He said they'll play this game out before he goes home. Howard played the song again. Matt said he's going to say he's black. Howard said this gentleman is named Lucas Holiday and he auditioned for The Voice and he's white.
Howard said this is the next one. He played a clip and asked if he's black or white. That guy was singing ''With a Little Help From My Friends.'' Matt said he's going to go with black. Howard said this guy is Will Martine and he's French and white as can be.
Howard said he has another one to play. He said Matt has to get all three right. He said he wants to give him the 500 bucks. Howard said put your ears on. He played another clip of a guy singing and Matt guessed he was white. Howard asked if he's sure about that. Matt said he's sticking with it. Howard said this singer is named Landau Eugene Murphy and he is black. Matt said oh no. Robin said this guy isn't capable of winning now. Howard said poor Matt. He asked if he should give him one last one. Robin asked if he has gotten any right. Howard said not one. Robin said they should give him one more shot.
Howard said if you don't get it don't blame him. Howard played another clip. The caller said he loves that song. Matt went with a black singer. Howard said this guy's name is James Kenny and he's white. He said Matt really blew it. He said it was a 50/50 shot and he blew it.
Howard said he's going to give him one more chance. He said this is it though. He said he really wants to give this guy the money. He played another clip and asked Matt what he thinks. Matt said he thinks that is a black person. Howard locked him in and played the clip again. He said he did it. He said his name is Travis Pratt. He said he was on America's Got Talent when he was judging. Robin said she thought he said he was white. Howard said Matt said black. Howard said he just won $500 from Zip Recruiter. Matt said he's so grateful for that.
Matt asked Howard about something he does when he says he doesn't like something and goes ''I,I, I don't like...'' Howard said that's him doing an impression of Soupy Sales. He said they asked Soupy about Pee Wee Herman once and Soupy said he doesn't like talking chairs. He said he did it with that stutter. Howard asked Fred to play some of that. Fred said he only has some drops. Howard had him play the clips. Howard said Soupy was his hero growing up. Matt said that was very informative. Fred found the full clip of Soupy going off on Pee Wee Herman. Howard had Matt listen to that. Howard said he always loved Soupy's thoughts.
Howard said he wants to thank Kristen Stewart for coming in today. He said he hopes Robin goes home and rests today. Robin said she stayed in bed most of the weekend. Fred played the dove sound drop again. Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said they should have Brent and Katelyn on Dr. Phil to work out their differences. Howard said they don't have any differences. He said he's the one with the problem. He said he's not going to send them to Dr. Phil. He said Dr. Phil has the same expertise as he does. He said that's nothing. Howard said Dr. Phil just gets people help. He said he could do the same show. Erik said maybe he can help Jackhammer. Howard hung up on him.
After the break they played Maren Morris' ''Girl'' as they were coming back. Howard came back and said he likes this song. He asked what happened with it. He said he hopes she can write another one as good as this. He said he likes music and musicians. He said they make him feel something.
Howard said he read about Kevin and Bean ending their show on KROQ. Howard said he never really heard their show but Jimmy used to work for them and said they were really nice guys. Howard said he was talking about doing the show from Florida and Bean talked to him about how he could do it. Howard said Bean spent a lot of time with him on the phone about that. He said they're hanging up their careers now. He said it made him sad. He said everything in radio is changing.
Howard said some kid went to school dressed as Hitler for Halloween. Robin asked how he got out of the house. Howard said the mother claims he was dressed as Charlie Chaplain. He said he had a swastika on him though. Howard said it's a weird story. Jason said it wasn't the mother of the kid. He said it was another mother who complained.
After the break they played Grand Funk Railroad's ''I'm Your Captain (Closer to Home)'' as they were coming back. Fred had clips of Robin singing over that song.
After the break they played Mountain's ''For Yasgur's Farm'' as they were coming back. Howard came back and asked Fred if he's playing Mountain. Fred said he is. Howard said he emailed Leslie West and he got a reply finally. He said he just responded ''Hey man.'' He said he was worried about the guy. Howard said he hates email so he's probably just like him. He said it's a chore to write email. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy named Matt and asked if he can tell the difference between a white singer and a black singer. Matt said potentially. He said it depends. Howard said then it's time to play Black or White Singer. He said they have $500 to give away thanks to Zip Recruiter. He said Matt has to guess if this is a black or white singer.
Howard started the show asking Robin how her voice is. Robin said they'll have to see. She said it comes and goes. Howard asked if she can say ''pussy is awesome pussy is great.'' Robin tried it but her voice was gone. Howard said they should call Mark the Bagger and say that she's his grandmother. Howard said he thinks he got some email about her voice. He said someone said she sounded like Mark the Bagger. Robin said she said it.
Robin said it can clear up a little bit. Howard said he doesn't think they'll be hearing the news today. Robin said probably not. Howard said he had Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bernie Sanders all set up to come in. He said maybe he'll have them in anyway. He said Arnold may beat off to her voice.
Howard said he was up in the middle of the night watching Jack Ryan on Amazon Prime. He said John Krasinski plays Jack Ryan. He said he's kind of like a James Bond character. He said he's up to episode 4 on that. He said he watched James Corden with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Linda Hamilton. He said Arnold played a game with James. He said he was charming and very good.
Howard said Kristen Stewart was good on the show yesterday. He said she made a lot of news. He said the big news was that she is going to propose and the story about not sleeping with that director.
Howard said he was helping Beth out with some stuff yesterday. He said he was running around. Robin asked if he was doing too much. Howard said he was. He said his mom was yelling that Beth does too much. He said she was sleeping when she did that. Howard said his mother called when he was taking a nap too. He said the phone rang and she was calling to tell him to rest. He said she woke him up to tell him to rest.
Howard said he went to the shrink yesterday and he was out in the waiting room yelling about stuff. He said that's private stuff he doesn't want to talk about. He said he has to vamp today because Robin's voice is gone. He said she's the one he has to talk to and she doesn't have a voice.
Howard said Robin has to think about what she's doing on the weekends. He said he understands why she went back to her high school to get this legendary dove thing. He said he understands why it's important but it sounds like the entire weekend she was doing a lot of things. He said at this point it's too much for her. Robin said yes sir. Howard said she could have just been a legendary dove and not done anything else. He said she chose to spend her entire 3-4 days in a hotel going out with people. He said he knows what she does. Robin said it wasn't late night things. Howard said it doesn't matter.
Howard said she has to be sequestered. Robin said she will be this weekend. Howard said he's been telling her this for a long time. Robin said suppose this is her voice from now on. Howard said he hopes that doesn't happen.
Howard said little Mikey wrote a song about Robin's voice. He said he didn't get the whole thing but it was about her voice. He said the thing is that he's trying to jerk off to her and he can't with that voice. He played the song and said that was pretty good. He said he thinks he can cure her throat with his load.
Howard said if this was a character voice it would be brilliant. He said she's playing Mark the Bagger's mom all day. Howard said they can have it all or nothing so just take what you can get.
Howard said he's not sure what this legendary dove thing is. Robin said every graduate is a dove. She said she didn't even know that. Howard said it's so dumb. Robin said people would get up to speak and they'd say ''Hello doves!''
Howard said no one knew who he was in school. He said he wasn't the charming person you know now. He said he was constantly high and self conscious. He said when Kristen was talking about how weird she was in school he found it hard to believe. He said she's so beautiful. He said beautiful people are not unpopular. Robin said she didn't feel popular.
Howard said Beth talks about how great high school was. He said she tells him about the amazing treatment she had. He said all hot chicks have a good time in high school. Robin said she was hot but not to herself. Howard said she was cute as a button in that movie she did with Jodi Foster. He said she is hot. Robin said she didn't have a good time and quit school.
Howard said he admires Kristen. He said he thinks it came through. He said he was talking to her about coming out and how tough that can be. He said when she starts seeing girls when she's in Twilight that was tough. He said someone told her to low key the gay relationship. He said it takes balls to come out like that. He said she just said fuck it and lived her life authentically. He said he wouldn't do that. He said he'd be in the closet. He said he is in the closet. He said he fucks guys all the time. He said he fucks Fred right before the show. Fred shushed him. Howard said Fred is in love with him.
Howard said seriously he doesn't think he'd be that brave. He said he has been brave at times but sometimes it's just being crazy. Howard said it took balls for her to do what she did. He said you sit with that girl in a room and she's an attractive girl. He said very few women have what she has. He said she's a leading woman. He said she has the face and the vibe. Robin said some people can't make the leap from child actor to adult. Howard said he found her very interesting. He said she's something to look at too.
Howard said his wife was listening and you get this impression that she barely talks in an interview. He said she wasn't like that at all. He said he found her very forthcoming.
Howard read some email about Kristen's interview. He had some about Brent and Katelyn too. Robin said she is still very confused about Brent's reaction to The Jackhammer sitting next to his wife. Howard said they'll continue to follow that story. Robin said she was shocked that he was that uptight about it. Howard said they learn about new things all the time.
Howard said he casually watches Dancing with the Stars. Robin said he's a regular viewer. Howard said he fast forwards through 80 percent of the show. He said he was interested in Sailor Brinkley. Robin said it's Brinkley Cooke. Howard said they go with Sailor Brinkley. Robin said her dad got engaged to a woman the same age as his daughter. Howard said Ronnie asked what the big deal is about that.
Howard said he would watch Dancing with the Stars for her and James Van Der Beek. He said he was watching for one other person. He said it was the girl from The bachelor, Hanna B. Howard said he was fast forwarding through it all. He said he'd watch those three people and that was it. Howard said the show has jumped the shark. He said Donald Trump keeps asking people to show support for Sean Spicer. He said now everyone voted for him. He said he can't watch that guy. He doesn't care how he dances.
Howard asked Jon if he thinks they have jumped the shark. Jon said he agrees with him. He said there have been some ebbs and flows. He said the people who do it aren't as compelling as they used to be. Howard said Sean Spicer is like the Sanjaya of Dancing with the Stars.
Howard asked Jon if he's watching Jack Ryan. Jon said he is and he likes it. Howard asked if the Walking Dead is good this season. Jon said no.
Howard said someone has to write a script for Robin to make a phony phone call with that voice. Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they can give Robin the Stephen Hawking talk box so she doesn't have to talk. Howard said that's not a good idea.
Howard said maybe he should call Mark now and ell him that she's his grandmother. Robin said how about they create a box that makes you sound like your original voice no matter what you sound like. Robin said no one would ever lose their voice that way.
Howard said he's watching the Walking Dead. Jon said it's just too much and you just want it to end. Howard said he wishes they could switch it up in a way. He had to take a break from that conversation when Mark the Bagger was on the phone.
Howard asked Mark if he wants to jerk off to his grandma. He said it's like it would be jerking off to Angelina. Mark said that would be cool.
Mark revealed that he's no longer working. He said he's collecting disability. He said he got a better job after the Bagger thing. He said he moved to a casino and he was a bus boy there. He said he got sick and had to quit that job. Howard said he had it made as a Bagger.
Robin asked what the health problem is. Mark said he has bad sinuses. He said his doctor said he had to quit. He said they were really bad. He said he was getting bad headaches. Howard said he hurts when he concentrates too much. Robin asked if that happens to Mark. Mark said yes. Howard asked if he thinks and nothing happens. Mark said yes.
Howard asked Mark what he does every day. Mark said he watches TV and jogs. He said he will watch shows on demand that he missed. Robin asked where he gets his news. Mark said he watches it on TV. He said he watches channel 6.
Howard asked Mark about bagging and what you put on top and bottom. Mark said the milk, bread and eggs go on top. Howard asked what he'd put on top if he had bread, eggs and cereal. Mark said the eggs and bread go on top.
Howard asked Mark about jogging and where he sees himself in 5 years. Mark said he hopes to be married. Howard asked if he's dating. Mark said no. Howard asked if she would need a job. Mark said she would. Howard asked if he's on any dating sites. Mark said no. Robin said he should try that Raya.
Howard asked where he meets women. Mark said he meets them at bars. Howard asked when he last got laid. Mark said last year. Howard asked how many times he's beating off every day. Mark said 2.
Shuli came in and said he's been in touch with Mark. He said he's fascinating. He said one story he told was that he gave himself a Hitler moustache when he got drunk. He said he went to work and they told him to go home and shave. He said he got drunk again and went back to work the next day with the moustache. Shuli said he also likes to go up behind women and smell their hair.
Shuli said Mark is a huge Eagles fan and he watches them play and moves his hands in a jazz hands kind of way. Howard said he liked him because he worked. He said he liked that he had a job.
Shuli said they did an embedded with Mark and he said his cheek hurt and he had to lay day. He said he was letting them know that he gets these pains. He said he's a fascinating dude.
Howard asked what happened to Mark. Mark was back on and said he just got disconnected somehow. Howard asked if Grandma is going to have phone sex with him. Robin said she was working up to that.
Howard asked Mark what he drinks in the morning. Mark said he drinks orange juice, milk and Gatorade. Shuli said they did Jaeger at 11am when they were there. Mark said that's not unusual for him.
Howard said Mark recently agreed to let Benjy blow him. He had some tape of that. He played the clip where Benjy called Mark and got him to agree to let him blow him. Howard said Benjy swallows by the way. Mark said he knows.
Howard said this started out as the grandmother bit. He said he thought it would be funny to have her have phone sex. He said the update is that Mark is no longer a Bagger. Shuli said he's back at home. Mark said he lives on his own. Howard said he thought he said he lives with his mom. Mark said he lives on his own. Howard asked if he can afford it on SSI. Mark said yes. Mark said he moved to North town. Shuli said the place he was living in was bad. He said it was like a dorm. He said the guys would get mad at Mark for beating off in the bathroom. He said he was in there a long time and they'd be pounding on the door. Robin asked how you have a bathroom for 7-8 people.
Howard asked mark why he didn't beat off in his own room. Mark said sometimes he had to. Howard asked if he likes variety. He asked why he needs to go to a different location. Mark said he has to look at porn. He said he could stay in his room. Howard said he thinks he'd be good dad for this guy. He said he has to straighten him out with this. Mark was watching TV so Howard said he's sorry to interrupt. Howard asked what he's watching now. Mark said he's watching Mom. Robin said that's a CBS comedy.
Howard said if he knew guys were waiting for the bathroom it would make him lose his erection. He said he'd just do it in his bedroom. Howard asked if it was hard to cum. Mark said yes. Howard asked why he has to do it in the bathroom then. Mark said he has no idea. Shuli said they had to tell him not to do it in there anymore because he was taking so long.
Howard asked if there was cum all over the bathroom. Mark said yes. He said he would go on the floor. He said he'd clean most of it up. Howard asked if it got on the toilet seat. Mark said yes. Howard said it was probably on the walls. Shuli said he didn't sit down in his room. He said he stood in one spot. Shuli asked if he cums on his carpet. Mark said he does.
Howard asked why he doesn't just cum in a tissue. Mark said he never thought about that. Howard said he was doing that at 12. Howard said he would cum into a tissue. Mark said ''Yeah!'' Howard asked what he cleans up with. Mark said he uses toilet paper. Howard asked if he ever leaves it in the carpet. Mark said yes. Howard asked if he steps in it forgetting it's there. Mark said yes. Howard said his grandmother is trying to forget she knows him now.
Howard asked where he watches porn. Mark said he likes X-Video. Shuli said he likes black chicks. Mark said that's right. Howard asked what X-Videos is. JD said it's a porn site. Howard said see who knows about that. JD said he's been on there. He said it's just XVideos. Howard asked how Mark found that. Mark said a friend of his told him about it.
Howard asked if Mark can spell. Mark said he can and spelled video for him. Howard asked what his setup is to watch porn. Mark said he has a holder on his phone so he can put that down and jerk off. He said he uses one hand to jerk off. Howard asked if he sticks a finger up his ass. Mark said he dos that too. Howard said one hand is jerking off and the other has a finger up his ass.
Howard asked what kind of porn he likes. Mark said he likes lesbian and mother and son. Robin said it can't be mother and son. Howard said they say that but it's step-mom and son. Howard said they say the top video on Xvideos is Mom fucks Retarded Son. Mark said ''Cool.'' Howard asked if he's seen that one. Mark said yes. Howard asked if Mark is retarded or just has a low IQ. Mark said he has a low IQ.
Howard asked if Mark thinks Robin's voice is weird today. Mark said no. Howard said they say on Xvideos that they don't like that the son is actually retarded. Howard said he can't believe they still use that word ''retarded.'' He said they use Slow Adult on this show.
Howard asked Mark about how he uses his case to jerk off. Mark told him how he sets it up on the sink while he's jerking off. Howard said he uses tissues and he has to hold them in one hand. Howard said Mark has to take the finger out of his ass and use tissues. Shuli said Howard is thinking about the clean up before it even happens. Howard said Mark has to do that.
Howard asked Mark if he has jerked off today yet. Mark said no. He said he might do it in the next hour. Robin asked if he does it before he jogs. Mark said he will.
Howard asked if Mark doesn't have tissues because they're expensive to buy. Mark said he doesn't use tissues. Howard said he could use toilet paper instead. Mark said yeah. Howard said that's not good for catching your jizz. He said it's kind of thin. Howard asked if he ever takes a shit and skips the toilet paper. Mark said no. He said he wipes always. He said he wipes every time.
Howard said he really is a good interviewer. He said he's getting a lot of information. He asked if he has jerked off in a public bathroom. Mark said he has. Howard asked if he likes the rush. Mark said yes.
Shuli said Mark had to leave the bar to jerk off during their embedded. Mark said he did. Shuli said he went to the bar bathroom to do that.
Howard asked if Mark jerked off at work when he was working. Mark said yes. Howard asked if he ever jerked off in the woods. Mark said no. Howard asked Mark how he selects his porn. Mark said it depends on what he's in the mood for. He said he will watch father and daughter and brother and sister and things like that. Howard asked if he ever watches the porn where a guy fucks a real estate agent. Mark said yes. Howard asked if he turns it off after he cums or does he watch it. Mark said he watches to see what happens. Howard said that's hard core. Howard said most guys don't do that.
Howard said he would like to hear Mark select something on his phone. Mark said he's not sure if he can do that while he's on the phone with him. Howard asked if he has an iPhone. Mark said he does. Howard said you have to put in YouPorn in a search on the phone. He said they won't help you find that. Robin said they don't need to. Howard said it's weird. He said you usually type in one word and it gets it for you. He said not with YouPorn though.
Howard asked if Mark knows how to clear his history. Mark said yes. Howard said he must be self conscious then. Mark said yes. Shuli asked what the weirdest thing he's ever jerked off to was. Mark didn't have an answer.
Howard asked if his mom ever caught him jerking off. Mark said yes. He said she opened the bedroom door and saw him. He said he was fully nude. Howard asked if he came on her. Mark said no. He said he stopped when she did that. Howard asked if she asked him to stop. Mark said no. Howard asked what his mom said. Mark said she was angry but didn't really care.
Shuli said one time Mark was at his friend Anthony's house and he was jerking off when Anthony came home. He said he didn't stop and finished on the floor. Howard asked if he's had him back to his house since then. Mark said yes. Howard asked if Mark was watching porn when his mom caught him. Mark said yes. He said he was watching lesbian porn.
Howard said it would have been weird if his mom caught him watching mom and son porn. Howard asked if his mom and dad are still married. Mark said no. He said they're divorced. He said his dad has talked to him about jerking off but he doesn't remember what he said.
Howard asked if his dad told him to cum on the floor and hide it. Mark said yes. Howard asked why they broke up. Mark said it didn't work out. Howard asked if he has any brothers or sisters. Mark said he has a brother. Howard asked if he jerks off on the floor too. Mark said he's married. Shuli asked when he got laid last. Mark said last summer. Shuli said he has a huge dick. Howard asked how big he is. Mark said he's 5 or 6. Howard asked how big he is when he's hard. Mark said maybe 7 or 8. Howard asked if he has measured it. Mark said he did when he was hard. He doesn't remember how big it was. Shuli said it has to be like 9. Mark said it might be. Howard said they have to have him measured. He said he thinks Gary the Conqueror is like 19 inches. He said God has a good sense of humor. Howard asked if he can put this interview in the back of his book in the paperback version. Mark said sure.
Howard said Mark can't go up to women and smell their hair in a bar. Mark said he can. Howard asked what turns him on about that. Mark said it's the shampoo they use. Howard said if you get into a woman's space you can get in trouble. He said they don't like it. He said it's rude. Mark said some like it and some don't. Howard said he's going to give him a tip. He said don't smell their hair unless he asks first. Howard said you have to have consent for something like that. Mark said he knows. Howard asked if he has ever asked. Mark said he has. Howard said just do the right thing and ask. Mark said yep.
Howard asked if he has ever smelled shampoo and jerked off. Mark said no. Howard asked if he would ever use women's shampoo. Mark said no. Howard said how about putting something in his ass instead of his finger. Mark said he could do that. Howard asked if he has ever tried to put something else up there. Mark said no. Robin asked if he's ever heard of anal beads. Mark said no. Howard said don't get him started with that.
Howard said it's been a while since he spoke to Mark. He said he has a lot going on. Shuli said he saw Mark smell a girl's hair and then went to jerk off in the bathroom. Howard said imagine a guy does that. He asked if Mark gets a boner smelling their hair. Mark said yes. Howard said the women in the bar must be freaked out. Howard asked if he moans when he smells their hair. Mark said no. Robin said that's her grandson. Even Mark laughed at that.
Howard asked how old Mark is. Mark said he's 44. Howard said he's known him since he was in his 20s. Howard asked if he still hangs with the Bloodhound Gang. Mark said no. He said he has friends who want him to mention them. He mentioned a couple of guys.
Howard asked if he sees Jimmy Pop at all. Mark said no. He said they had a falling out. He said he doesn't know the whole story but they stopped talking to him. He said Bam Margera is coming home soon. Howard said mark is in a movie with Bam. Mark said it's called Ming Hang. Howard said he thought it was called Where the F is Santa. Mark said he was in Jackass too.
Howard asked Mark about his Hitler moustache. Shuli asked how he got it. Mark said Anthony did it. Shuli said these two are the best. Howard said Mark passed out and his friend shaved the moustache. Shuli said he woke up late for work and he got dressed and got to the store. He said they told him he had a Hitler moustache. Howard asked what he did when they told him he had to go home. Mark said he didn't know what they were talking about. Howard asked if they had to explain why it was offensive. Mark said yes. Howard said the moustache is like the 12th weird thing you'd notice about him.
Howard asked Mark about what he did that day. Mark said he went home and shaved it off. Shuli said he heard that he went to work with it the next day and he went home and shaved it off that day. Mark said yes. Howard said he forgot he had a Hitler moustache. Mark said yes.
Shuli said he spent the day with these two and he's never laughed so much. He said Mark and Anthony are great together. Howard said Anthony was in Bloodhound Gang too. Mark said yes. He said he played drums. Howard asked why those guys don't get the band back together. Mark said Jimmy is recording his own stuff.
Howard said Mark is pretty well connected. Mark said he is. He said he'd like to come back on the show soon. Howard said he might have to have him on every day. He said he's got a good life. Howard asked if Anthony works. Mark said he does. He said it's a sports memorabilia shop in Lansdale. Howard asked if he's thinking about growing his moustache back. Mark said Anthony told him to leave it so he's going to do that. He said he's his manager. Howard asked if he's getting any work. Mark said he's doing Cameo. He said he will wish people whatever they want him to. Howard asked what he charges. Mark said it's $45.
Howard said he has to admit that he might have to get Jimmy Kimmel a birthday announcement. He said he has been racking his brain over what to get him. He said if he has that Hitler moustache he might have to do that. Howard said High Pitch Erik is doing well with that. Mark said he hates Erik. He said they want to fight all the time.
Howard said he thinks he could take Erik. He asked how tall he is. Mark said he's 5'3''. Howard said he's got to be taller than that. Mark said he just got weighed and measured at the doctor recently. Howard said he might have to get the cameo for Jimmy. Mark said they had fun hanging out with Jimmy. Howard said it's been good talking to him.
Shuli asked if he has ever jerked off to gay porn. Mark said never. Howard asked if he would do a cameo in blackface. Mark said yes. Howard said this guy doesn't give a fuck. Shuli asked if he would pull his eyes back and do an Asian impression. Mark said no. He said he has a bad right eye. Howard asked if he would dress in a full Nazi uniform. Mark said no to that too. Howard said he'd pay extra for that. Mark said Jimmy would love that. Howard said people have no idea how dark Jimmy really is.
Howard said he's going to let Mark go. He asked if he's going to jerk off. Mark said he's going to eat breakfast. He said he has some donuts and cookies and orange juice. Howard said he stays thin somehow. Howard asked if he burns that off running. Mark said yes. Shuli asked when he started running. Mark said he started that last spring. Howard asked if he can get a cameo video of him in blackface with a Hitler moustache. Mark said sure.
Howard asked how the Eagles are doing. Mark said pretty good so far. Howard had him do the chant. Mark did that and sang the Fly Eagles Fly song.
Howard asked why Shuli hasn't visited him in his new place yet. Shuli said the last place sent out a bedbug warning to them. Howard asked what his new place is like. Mark said he's in a house and living on the second floor. Howard said it must be a two family house. Mark said he lives on the second floor. Howard asked if he has cockroaches. Mark said he had bedbugs but he got rid of them. He said he had an exterminator come 3 times. Shuli said he had them at the last place too. Howard said he's glad he got them taken care of. Howard asked if he has rats. Mark said no.
Howard said he has to get going. He was about to let Mark go but High Pitch Erik called in and said he's not in a feud with him. Howard took Erik's call and Erik said he never had a problem with him at all. Mark said he had a feud with someone. He said he doesn't remember who it was. He said never mind. Howard said Erik isn't mad at Mark now. Howard said it's all settled then. Howard said Mark might be cutting into his business now on Cameo. Erik said they can all make money doing that. He said it's a business for both of them.
Howard said it was good that Mark called in today. He said he's getting a lot of attention and his interview is longer than Kristen Stewart. Howard asked Erik how much he made on Cameo. Erik said over $70,000. He said he bought a Ford Fusion with that money. Howard said he heard he got pulled over for doing 90. Erik said he did and the cop knew who he was so he let him go. Shuli said the guy told him that he could go and to keep it under 90. Howard said that's 90 miles per hour. Shuli said they have to have interventions with him about that stuff.
Howard asked why he was going that fast. Erik said it was like 1 in the morning and there was no traffic. He said he wanted to go home. Howard said he didn't have anywhere to go. Shuli said he came to a comedy show he did in Pennsylvania. He said he got home 5 minutes after Erik got home. He said he didn't speed. Erik said he knows he shouldn't be in a hurry. Howard said that's right. He said it's a 5 minute difference. Howard said Erik thinks that PBA card makes him invincible. He said in a way it does. He said he got off with that ticket.
Erik told Mark to get his permit and he'll teach him how to drive. Howard said Erik is going to die in a car crash if he keeps driving 90. Howard asked what else is going on with him. Shuli said he has all of this money and he's blowing it all. Howard said he heard he was spending it all out in L.A. Erik said he's not blowing through it. Howard asked how much he has saved out of the 70,000. Erik said he has 40,000 in his account. Howard said he has to pay taxes. Erik said he knows that. He said he gives everything to his accountant.
Howard said Shuli told him that Erik doesn't know how points build up on his license. Shuli said he has no idea how it works. Shuli said he got 8 tickets and he has no idea that the points are adding up on his license. Erik said he paid them all off. Shuli said they were all in a school zone. Erik said people piss him off and he speeds. He said it pisses him off that they drive 10 miles per hour. Robin asked why he has a license.
Shuli said they also have to talk about his weight. He said he's over 350 pounds again. Erik said he's 310. Shuli said there's no way he's only 310. Howard said he pulled a tooth and went down 40 pounds. Howard said this is an unbelievable story. He asked what he can say. He said he has to go. He wished Mark luck with Cameo. Erik asked if he wants to hang out for Thanksgiving. Mark said he can't, he's busy. Howard asked if Erik doesn't have anyone to hang with. Erik said he was going to invite Mark over to have Turkey. Shuli asked if Erik wants to come to his place. He said he behaves great when he has him over.
Mark asked if Howard is going to come to Shuli's show in Valley Forge. Howard said sure.
Howard asked Erik if he's going to Shuli's for Thanksgiving. Erik said he would like to. He said last time Joey Boots clogged their toilet. Howard said Shuli is a nice guy. Shuli said his wife is a saint. He said his wife told him to find out what Erik is doing and if he's not doing anything he can come over. Howard said he has to meet this woman. Shuli said she's coming to the Christmas party.
Howard let Mark and Erik go after that. He said he's sure Erik has something similar to Mark going on. Erik said he's going to the doctor and then to a Ranger game. He said one of his best friends got tickets. Howard said he has to get off of this. He said it's been way too long. Howard let them go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is gold. Howard said they should do the full 4 hours with Mark. He said they might have to call him back later to find out if he jerked off. The caller said he likes the fact that he doesn't wear socks and jerks off on his floor. The caller said he told Ronnie he's his biggest fan and his mother owns a sex toy company and he'd love Ronnie to be their spokesperson. He said he'd love to ask him to do that.
Ronnie came in and said he's not sure who this guy is. The caller said he got on the air with them when they were in L.A. Howard asked if Ronnie is interested in this. The caller said they would take care of Ronnie if he wants to do it. Howard said they can do this off the air. He went to break after that.
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Howard said he wanted to mention that dumb story from Giant stadium. He said a black cat ran across the field. He said they said it was jinxing the team. He said they have to stop that with the black cat thing. He said they're hard to adopt out because people have superstitions. He said he had a black cat named Leon who was great. Robin said she has one named Leroy. Howard said it's such a bummer because they sit in shelters so long.
Howard said it bummed him out when they said this cat was a jinx. He said now millions of people think black cats are a jinx. He said black cats matter and that's all he wanted to say.
Robin said she's not sure why we play to people's stupidity. Howard said Robin is making sense no matter what voice she has. Robin said there is no such thing as a jinx with black cats.
Howard said on the SiriusXM app they have a Howard Stern section and they have started this great thing where bands come in and do their music and they post it up there. He said they have exclusive performances from Collective Soul, Gin Blossoms, Sponge and more. He said he played some songs yesterday. He said he loves that band Sponge. He played their cover of ''Vasoline.'' Howard said he likes that guy Vinnie. He said he has an interesting look. He said he looks like he'll beat your ass. He said he has that Greaser look. He said he has the chain on his wallet. He said he sings like an angel. He said he kind of digs him. Howard said he wonders about when he started singing and if he took shit from his friends. Howard said he loves his singing. He played more of their cover of Vasoline.
Howard said Goo Goo Dolls covered Sponge's song ''Plowed.'' He played some of that too. Howard said there were some great bands in the 90s. Robin said she's thinking it might happen again. Howard said there's some stuff that he just doesn't get. He said he's very steeped in the 90s. He said he listens to Lithium there on SiriusXM. He said there's a channel he listens to and he can't remember the name of it. Gary asked if it's Spectrum. Howard said that's it.
Howard said there's this guy Demos he likes. Gary said he worked at K-Rock. Howard said he didn't know that. He said he's kind of interesting. Robin said Tom Morello was on Lithium and all of the music he plays are bands that he was in. Howard said he's good too. He said he heard that Rage Against the Machine is getting back together. He said if he wasn't such a lazy ass he would go see them.
Howard said he lives such a pure life. Robin said you have to have pure thoughts too. Howard said he's not sure about that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said the Mark the Bagger interview would be great in his book. Howard said he was going to have interviews like that in his book but you miss out with the voice. He said you have to hear them. He said he had a Wendy the Slow Adult one in there. He said without the voice it doesn't work.
Howard said he wanted people to read the book and even people who don't listen to the show. He said he could do a whole book with just the Wack Pack. He said for Christmas Howard Stern Comes Again is a good gift. He said that's why he didn't include the Wack Pack. He said it doesn't read funny.
Howard said he has to take another break. Robin said imagine if he did a book with the Wack Pack and had Annie Leibowitz taking the photos. Howard said he was going to do something like that. He said he was going to have highly stylized photos. Howard went to break after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a dilemma. He said he has a new hire in the office and he has to replace a person who was there. He said she had a problem with him listening to the show. He said this woman couldn't handle the discussion about The Jackhammer. Howard asked him some questions about this and if his employee left over the show. The caller said it was the straw that broke the camel's back. He said she wasn't comfortable with the show. Howard said how about just playing it in his headset. The caller said that's not how he rolls. He asked how he can vet this new person. Howard said he's not sure. Robin said you might not be able to do it legally. Howard hung up on the guy when he asked if he should ask how many times a day they can handle ''wet pussy'' comments.
Howard said you could just ask if they find it offensive if they leave Howard Stern on in the morning. Robin said that's a sticky area there. Howard said they won't play the show up on the 37th floor. Robin said they never play it on any floor. Robin said it's not for everyone. Howard said it's not. He said there was a time when he didn't get why everyone wasn't listening. He said it drove him insane.
Howard said the late night guys say they're all friends and they don't care if they're number 1. He said that's bullshit for him. He said he has to beat everyone and be number 1. He said he doesn't want to be number 2.
Robin said she was in a seminar once where they were told to consider other people and she didn't understand that. Howard said his shrink was working with him on that too. He said he has to consider other people.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he has to say that Robin is the most committed and driven person on the planet. He wished her all the best and called her sweetie. Howard said Bobo is so out of it using that term. Howard said that's like using sugar tits. Bobo laughed. Robin said Bobo has no idea why that's funny.
Howard asked Bobo what he wants to talk about. Bobo said Howard talked about a nightmare he had about something with Scott Shannen. He asked if he ever went out to dinner with Scott about that. Howard said no and hung up on Bobo. He said he did what everyone was thinking he should do. He played a song parody about Bobo after that.
Howard said he did not reach out to Scott Shannen about that. Howard said thank god he has more common sense than Bobo.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he and Chris Wilding inspired him to come out as gay. He said he did that about a year ago. Howard said he's in Pennsylvania so it had to be tough there. The caller said not in Philly. He said it's not bad there. He said he kissed the guy out in the street and everyone was cool with it. Howard asked how old he is. The guy said he's 24. He said he came out as bisexual to his mom. He said he went a couple of years in the closet after that. He said he just said fuck it and started dating guys. He said he realized he's gay. Howard said there's nothing sadder in this world than having to hide who you are. He said the whole thing is so fucking dumb. He said it's ridiculous that kids are killing themselves over it. He said you get one shot at life and if he had to spend it in the closet it would be annoying. He said it would get in the way of everything.
Howard asked if the caller is a top or bottom. The caller, Michael, said he's a top. He said he never wanted anything in his ass. He said he just wanted to thank Howard for everything. Howard wished him luck and let him go.
Howard said he loves stories like that. He said he liked that Kristen Stewart came out and is able to live her life the way she wants to.
Howard said for people like Kristen it's great. He said he remembers when she started hanging out with girls. He said she's normalizing it. He said she's doing a good thing. He said so is Ronnie. Robin said that's for guys who have inappropriately young girlfriends. Howard said he talks about sticking things up his ass too. He said he would never do that. He said that is a big deal. He said Ronnie takes a dildo in his ass. He said way to go.
Howard took a call from Apples who said he talked to Kristen about Saturday Night Live but did he see it. Howard said he did. Apples said he thinks it's time for Howard to host. Howard said no one is asking him to host. He said they did years ago. He said he was a bit of an asshole about it. He said he thinks he turned them off over there. He said that they're not asking him now. He said if they did he's not sure he'd be comfortable doing it. He said he's the opposite of Kristen Stewart. He said he wouldn't go on the air until the comedy was do something he could be proud of. He said he has tremendous respect for what they do over there. He said he's not easy to work with. He said ask the guys who work for him. He said Will got a lecture about stuff this morning. He said he's not sure they want to hear from him over there at Saturday Night Live about that.
Howard said he would like to do a sketch with Pete Davidson where he's his new girlfriend. He said Pete is with Kaia Gerber now. Robin said she's only 18 and he's 26 so is that appropriate. Howard said it is. He said it's on the verge of not being appropriate. Howard said he has to get Pete back in there. Gary said according to Wikipeida she takes online courses at her high school. Howard said Pete is the man. He said he was great on the show too.
Apples said he thinks the writers of Saturday Night Live listen to the show. He asked if they respectfully asked him to do it he thinks he could because he's grown as a man. Howard said he wouldn't be much fun for them. He said he's too opinionated and too set in his ways. He said he doesn't want to say up late either. He said if they can move it to 6pm he's in. Howard said they asked him to go up to just watch a show and he didn't want to go because it was on so late. He said he didn't want to go to dress rehearsal. He said that was too late.
Howard said if they invent a show called Saturday Afternoon Live he's in. Apples said he thinks that it would be great if he ever did it. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Howard said if he has something funny to do they're going to do it here. He said he has shows to do there. He said if they had something he didn't like he'd refuse to go on stage. He said sketch comedy is a hard thing to do.
Howard said he's not good at being judged. He said he would be blaming the writers if it didn't go well.
Howard took a call from Pocket who said the last time Robin's voice was this bad was in 2016. He said it was June 1st of 2016. Howard said that's very impressive that he knows that. Pocket said he's a regular MarksFriggin. Howard said yes he is.
Pocket said the Comedians in Cars with Coffee with Eddie Murphy was really good. Howard said it really was. He said he talked to Jerry about that. He said he told Jerry he got more out of Eddie than anyone.
Pocket asked if he saw that Jackie Martling was mentioned in the credits. Pocket said it was a photo or something that they used. Howard wondered if he gets paid for that. Howard said he better. He did his Jackie impression and Fred played some Jackie laughs. Howard said he's not in the Jackie business anymore.
Pocket asked if he would be on Jerry's show again. Howard said once was enough for him. Howard said he doesn't like doing things like that. He said he's not looking for that. He said he would rather sit home and paint. He said he has done shows and he wanted to promote his book for Christmas so he did those shows out in L.A. He said he's not looking for publicity. He said be happy he's there. He said he's almost out the door there. He said just be happy with that.
Pocket said Jerry was talking about doing award shows and how if you do well they ask you to come back and do it again for free. Howard said Jerry loves doing stand up. He said being there doing the radio show is enough for him. He said if he has to do something else it has to be spectacular. He said he did the shows because he had to promote the book. He said he's not sure what the motivation is at this point.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said the chicken sandwich from Popeyes he thought was a fluke. He said it's actually one of the best he's ever had. Robin said it's not worth dying over. King said he can see why people get upset when you try to cut in line. Howard asked if that's what was going on. Robin said there were two people who got in an altercation and one got stabbed to death. Robin said the lines at the place are huge.
Howard asked King what it is. King said the breast is so big and it has that black lady flavoring on it. He said it's the black grandma flavoring.
Howard asked Jon Hein if he eats that Popeye's chicken. King was mumbling something so Robin called him out on that. Howard said he's not sure why they can't hear him. King said he was using his AirPod Pros and he just turned them off. Howard said they suck. He said he sounded really bad. King said he got an iPad Pro too.
Jon came in and said he likes Popeye's a lot but he hasn't had the chicken because you can't get it. He said they have done an amazing job with creating demand for the sandwich. Robin said they had to stop selling it because they didn't have any supply. Howard said if they had something that hot he'd make sure they had it. Jon said he's heard it's really good. Jon said he has tried to get one but he can't get it.
Howard asked how they use the Popeye's name. Jon said they just used it when one of the founders had that nickname. King said Jon hasn't tasted that sandwich because there are too many black people on line. Jon said he got him there King. Howard said Jon doesn't get in lines.
Howard said the truth is that people go there for fast food and you don't want to stand in line. Jon said he's always liked their chicken. He said he likes Chick-Fil-A chicken too. King said it's crunchy at Popeye's. Howard hung up on him.
Howard and Jon spent a minute talking about the Apple products. Then Howard took a call from Jon Hein audio book who was talking about Popeye's chicken. The guys were playing the clips from Jon's audio book. Howard asked if that was it for him. The guys played more of Jon going on and on about the history of Popeyes.
Howard asked Jon how it is that the guy on the phone knows more than he does. Jon said he forgot some of that stuff. Gary said he has one more tidbit. He said they cut a deal with the people who own Popeyes. He said they used images of Popeye for years.
Howard said it's great to be a fast food expert. He said Popeye eats spinach and not chicken. He said he's not sure why they'd name it after Popeye Doyle from a movie.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was calling about the Kristen Stewart interview. He said he wasn't into her at all but after the interview he had a different perception of her. He said he's shocked that every celebrity doesn't want to come in there. Howard said people don't get to have a conversation in the media anymore. He said they don't have the time. He said the art of conversation is dead. He said that he had Mark the Bagger on for 2 hours. He said everyone has an interesting story in them other than King of All Blacks. The caller said he found himself into her after that interview. Howard said she was really good in Twilight and she was good in Panic Room too.
Howard said he's going to take a break and then get to Benjy and what was going on with him in California. He said they didn't need Benjy out there but he went. He said then he started in with his shtick. He said he doesn't know why he brought him out there. They went to break after that.
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Howard said he has to get to Benjy. He said people want to know what went on. He said they talked about the other guys out there in L.A. He said there was a lot of controversy with Benjy. He said they brought him out there against his wishes. He said he was on the fence about Benjy. He said he was a pain in the ass with everything. He said Memet was in charge of booking his travel for some reason. He said Memet was the reporter who was going to report on his antics on the plane. He said he asked when he was leaving and Benjy wasn't able to give him an answer.
Howard said Gary told him something about Benjy this morning. He said Gary was telling him that Jon Hein forgot his Insulin pump and he had to go home. He said he lives right near Benjy. He said Jon went home and got his pump and beat Benjy back to work.
Howard asked Memet if he has this right so far. Memet came in and said it's supposed to be easy to book a flight. He said he just wanted his information but he had a whole thing going on with the dog and all of that. Howard said he didn't even want him to come. He said everyone knows Benjy on air so they brought him.
Memet said everyone was yelling at him for not making his plans. Howard said he had in his notes that Memet booked his own flight. He said Benjy insisted on booking his own flight. He said he wanted to take a train out there but then he wanted to inspect the airlines safety record. Memet said he thought he was doing a bit. Howard asked what's with him. Memet said he doesn't know.
Howard said he's worked with Benjy for over 20 years. He asked Gary how long he's been there. Gary said he's been there since 1998. Howard said someone said he got into the studio in California and sat there with a sweatshirt over his head.
Benjy said he did Transcendental Meditation before the show and that's how he did it out there. Howard said he doesn't want him in there for this. Gary said Benjy just said he has got to get in there. Benjy said they twist things around. He said he wants to finish. Gary said he came to him twice in the last 90 seconds and said he would forget the points he had to make. Howard said no one asked him to go in there. Benjy said Gary said no so he went back to where he was. He said Jason told him to go in.
Howard asked why he's so difficult. He asked how he got in there. Gary said Benjy wanted in and he held him back. He said once he was in the studio he derails the segment. He said he thought it was time to send him in. Howard said he wants him to leave. Benjy said if he wants him to go he'll go. Gary said Howard can tell him when he wants him back. Howard said he can stay.
Howard said everyone there booked their flights but Benjy didn't let anyone do it. He asked if he sees something wrong with this pattern. Benjy said yes. He said he wanted to book his own flight. He said he was petrified that if he changed it they would freak out. He said he wanted to book it himself. Howard asked what would keep him from going.
Steve Nowicki came in and said the rumor was that Benjy didn't want to give his birthday and real name to the airline. Benjy said he doesn't want to give his age. He said he just wanted to book it so it was all in his own hands. Howard said this is why they don't need him out there.
Benjy said he gave Memet the information about his flight weeks before the trip. Benjy said he gave him everything. Memet said he never got it.
Howard said they went out there for a run through and Benjy showed up late. He said he wasn't returning calls or emails and they didn't know if he was going to show up. He said Benjy showed up late in a car with someone else driving. Benjy said it was an Uber. Howard said he didn't think it was a big deal that they weren't able to contact him. Benjy said that's not true either. Howard said he's the only one that they weren't able to get in touch with. Benjy said that's just not true.
Gary said he's being told that several P.A.'s tried to call him and he didn't return the calls. Benjy said he got a message and he called it back.
Howard said they found Benjy sitting with a jacket draped over his head. Benjy said that they were sharing a studio and he was doing that in the corner. Howard said he should have done that at home. Benjy said he was in a corner doing it quietly. Howard said he ran around in a bar like he was doing laps on a track. Howard said he didn't record any audio. Benjy said Sal recorded it and they played it.
Howard said they asked Benjy to do a bit out there and go on a tour of the OJ crime scenes. Howard said Benjy didn't want to do it because they were exploiting a crime. Howard said they were doing the bit to point that out.
Howard said Benjy showed up with a spray tan so dark it looked like he was in black face. Howard asked who he's doing this for. Memet said that he thinks Benjy didn't want to do things in a certain way so he wanted to it in his own way. He said he was waiting until the last minute to tell them.
Howard said this stuff goes on every day. He said the other day there at home Benjy showed up with a NY Marathon post race poncho. He said Benjy didn't run in the marathon and when he was asked about it he didn't answer. Benjy said he was just fucking around.
Howard said Benjy started doing a bit where he lays down on the floor in the office. Benjy said that's not true either. Gary asked how all of this benefits the show. Howard said he doesn't know.
Howard said after all of this out in L.A. Benjy did this bit called Fully Capable Benjy. He said trying to get him to record a new bit is impossible. He said he used to create really funny material. He said he had wild phone sex with a woman in a nursing home. He played that bit to remind everyone how funny Benjy used to be. In the bit Benjy had sex with a woman in a nursing home while he was playing a horse.
Howard said that's the kind of stuff they wanted Benjy to do out in L.A. He said Benjy came up with a new character for the trip. Howard said Benjy did this new bit. Benjy said they did the pick up contest with Brent too. Howard said he didn't know that. Will said they were told to come up with some bits for Benjy. He said all he got was Benjy and Richard go hiking, Benjy and Richard go trick or treating, Benjy goes dumpster diving, Benjy goes door to door telling people he's their new neighbor. Howard said that sounds good to him. Will said there were things that just wouldn't work out there.
Howard said that Benjy came up with this new character called Fully Capable Benjy. He said he sounds slow but he thinks he's fully capable. Benjy said he thinks people are celebrities and he gets excited.
Howard played the bit where Benjy goes out and introduces his new character to some people. It was Benjy doing a slow adult voice. Howard said Benjy took that character out and met some people and mistook them for celebrities. Benjy said he just wanted to do the Snoop one. Howard played the bit anyway and Benjy mistook this guy for Larry Bird. The guy said he's just a tall Dutchman. The guy said he had to go. Howard said there it is. That was the big payoff. Memet said he's not sure why this was a California character and not a New York character. Will said they had to justify sending him out to L.A. with something.
Howard said this is Fully Capable Benjy meeting Marcia Brady. In the clip Benjy mistook this woman for Marcia Brady. Howard said this is what Benjy was up to out in L.A. Robin said he didn't want to offend anyone with that character by calling himself slow.
Howard said Benjy met someone who looked like Snoop Dogg too. He played Fully Capable Benjy talking to that guy.
Benjy said that's the only one he liked. He said that one made him laugh. Will said that was 20 hours of planning for 30 seconds of material. Benjy said 30 seconds is pretty valuable. Will said he agrees with that.
Howard said that's all they got. Benjy said there's more coming. Memet said that they are having arguments about the picking women up bit. He said they were arguing about the time they had to pick women up. He said both of them are being pains in the ass.
Howard said there is a pattern of difficulty with Benjy. He said everything he does is a problem. Benjy said he's not fully capable. Will said the reason they wanted to follow him at the airport was because they wanted to see him check his dog in as an emotional support dog.
Brent came in and gave his reason for the contest not working. He said they had a set time and things didn't work out for Benjy. Benjy said it wasn't him. He said it was Brent that caused the problem. Brent said he agreed to give Benjy an extra 15 minutes. Benjy argued that he gave him the 15 minutes.
Howard said this is what goes on with Benjy. Benjy was screaming and talking over people. Howard said Benjy could not work anywhere else.
Chris Wilding came in and said that Benjy was very difficult at dinner. He said that the waiter came to them because Benjy took so much time with one waiter so they had to send over another.
Howard asked what Benjy had for breakfast today. Gary said it was beans and hot sauce out of a can. Howard asked what kind of beans. Benjy said it was black eyed peas. Howard asked what is going on there. Robin asked if Benjy can't help himself. She said he has to find something wrong with it.
Ronnie came in and said Benjy mixes cans of stuff together and it's ice cold. Howard said he's eating something because he's fat as can be. Benjy said that he brings in Kale and things like that. He said he didn't have two cans. Ronnie said he had one green can and a can with the beans in it. Benjy said he's not sure what he's talking about. He said he likes to do things simply like Howard. Howard said he's never eating out of cans.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Benjy is exhibiting bizarre behavior to get noticed. He said Benjy claimed he called them back to set everything up. He said Benjy doesn't pick up when you call him. He said this is the kind of guy they have to deal with there. He said this is the guy when it's all over for Howard will just talk about Howard and his connection with the show for the rest of his miserable career. Howard said he's seen it happen before.
Gary said he hates to pile on but the information is coming in. He said they provide food there all the time and they have some employees who need to be gluten free. He said Benjy thinks he needs to be gluten free and he will eat it and not think about the others there. Benjy said that's just not true. He said they're just making up shit. He said he saw a table of gluten free bagels there and said something to someone. Gary said they have people there who need it.
Jason came in and said they have some people who need to have gluten free food or they're vegetarians. He said they always get something for them. He said the complaint from all of them, all four, said the last time they got pizza up there Benjy dove into the gluten free pizza. Benjy said he had a slice without cheese. He said he just likes pizza without cheese. He said get those people in there to say that. He said it's bullshit.
Howard asked Benjy about eating rice with watermelon on top. Benjy said he did that but it was brown fried rice. Chris said he heats it up in the microwave up there so they have to smell it.
Howard asked Fred what he makes of all of this. Fred said he's a lunatic. Benjy said he only had one slice of that pizza. Gary said he just got a note saying that the pizza are individually sized. Benjy said there were multiple boxes of it. Gary said there are four people on the staff and they were individually sized. Benjy said there were four boxes left.
Howard said this is what happened with Benjy out in L.A. Fred did his Benjy Puppet thing and tried yelling like Benjy. Benjy asked how he can respond better. Howard said stop yelling over everyone. He said maybe he has an issue. He said there are times that he can turn on his shtick but he should be able to shut it off. He said he's a hard guy to get in touch with and he should just work. He said it's very difficult. Robin said he's just a bit better than... Howard said Mark the Bagger.
Gary asked if they said today they were going to L.A. tomorrow, would Benjy make the cut. Howard said no way. Will said if Benjy applied himself he'd be amazing. He said he's like half in and half out. Benjy said he wanted to do well in L.A. Jason asked if that was his best.
Chris said they know Benjy is talented but he almost wants them to beg him to participate. Benjy said that's just not true. He said it's very hard to be calm when everyone is attacking you and the attacks are false. Benjy puppet added that it's especially hard when you're hungry.
Benjy said they're constantly presenting him in that prism. He said it's all negativity. Benjy asked if the Snoop bit was good. Howard said it was okay. Will said there was a lot of work they put into that. Howard said maybe the Brent contest will be better. Brent said it's a good one. Will said he also went out and yelled at people on Yom Kippur for working. Benjy said he did that.
Howard said they're done here. He said he has to end this. Benjy said he worked while they were out in L.A. Jason said he did but they put in the same amount of work to produce him as they did for the rest of the whole show. Chris said he's always asking for things out at dinner. He said he kept saying no cheese please. Howard said that's fine. Benjy said he just said no cheese. Howard said they had to bring over a second waiter for that. Benjy said that's not true. Howard said it sounds like it is.
Rahsaan came in as Benjy was calling for him to come in. Howard asked what Rahsaan has to say about this. Rahsaan said he got to the dinner a couple of minutes later than everyone. He said what he said on Wrap Up was that he got there late and Benjy didn't take six minutes to order. Chris said this was their second waiter. He said that's what Rahsaan missed. Howard asked if there was a different waiter. Benjy said no one ordered before Rahsaan got there. Howard said alright, he's done with this. Benjy was still arguing.
Howard asked Rahsaan if he was upset that he was at Benjy's table. Rahsaan said that was actually fine. He said the bill being split up wasn't fair. Chris said a lot of people gave him grief about that. Rahsaan said Memet didn't want to pay what they were splitting up.
Howard said Benjy in L.A. had a lot of controversy. Benjy said you see when you get to the real story that there's nothing there. Howard said Rahsaan wasn't there though. Benjy said they all ordered at the same time. Benjy was yelling over everyone again so Howard said he has to get out of this.
Robin said Benjy's story is never like anyone else. Howard said Rahsaan said he wasn't there the whole time. Benjy said he was there when everyone ordered. Benjy said if he showed up late he'd be the one getting crap for it. Howard said he has to end this.
Gary said the reason Rahsaan being late wasn't a problem is because he told them he was going to be late. Benjy said he was a good witness. Chris said he showed up late so he's not a good witness. Benjy asked if he saw everyone order. Rahsaan said he did and they all ordered at the same time. Brent said he saw him order and he timed it. Benjy said it's all fucking lies. Chris told him not to yell at him in the bullpen either. Howard ended it and went to break.
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Howard said this was a bit that did him no good. He said he flew him out there and it didn't do him any good. Robin said he didn't let anyone cover him. She said it would have been a home run.
Howard said even Gary said to Benjy that he didn't want him in the studio. He said Benjy claimed he was told to come in. He said that's his update on L.A. He said they got something from everyone and Benjy.
Howard said the person who is getting turned on by Robin's voice is Arnold Schwarzenegger. He said he's there doing promotion for Terminator Dark Fate. Howard had fake Arnold in the studio. Arnold said he has to hear Robin's voice. He said he's going to cum if she keeps talking. He said he brought his buckets with him. He was getting worked up from robin's voice and came into a bucket. Howard said he's so masculine that it sounds like the cum is going through the bucket.
Howard asked how many times he cums. Arnold said he cums every time he hears her. He came into the bucket again. He said he gets an adrenaline boost when he lifts weights and that's how he feels with Robin.
Howard asked Robin if there is a story that she can talk about so Arnold can finish cumming. Robin talked about the elections and how the democratic candidates won the seat in Kentucky for Governor. Arnold came into the bucket again.
Howard had Robin tell one more story for Arnold. She did that and Arnold came again. Howard asked what this reminds him of that makes him cum. Arnold said that he had a nanny when he was a child and she had this kind of voice. He said she had big tits too. He said she'd cough and they'd jiggle.
Howard asked if Arnold heard her yesterday. Arnold said he did and he had to get to New York City as fast as possible. Arnold said he has a cure for Robin. He said it's his cum. He came into a bucket over and over while he was telling her about that.
Howard said Arnold is out there promoting the new Terminator movie. He asked how that's going. Arnold said the movie is number one but it's failing. He said it's not making money. He said no one wants to see it anymore. Howard said they have statisticians in the back and they say he has cum 9 times in 5 minutes. He said he's such a fantastic guy. He said they love that he's so honest when he's on the show. Howard said on top of all of that he just broke a jizzing record. He did it again when Robin said something.
Howard said Robin should try to do a sorry and they'll see what happens. Robin brought up a story about the Mormons who were killed in Mexico. Robin said they were mistaken for another drug cartel. Arnold asked if he can move his penis. Robin said one mom ran out to save her kid's life. Arnold was close to finishing. Robin told more of the story and Arnold was moaning as she was doing that. He finally finished as Robin was finishing her story. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said Robin now knows how it feels to have a voice like this. Arnold said it's another one. He said his boner is going down because of her voice. He said this is a new feeling for him. Mariann asked him not to say that. Arnold said he has a pussy now. Howard said her voice turned his cock into a pussy. Mariann screamed. Howard had to hang up on her.
Robin said Pam Anderson is getting some negative feedback about wearing an Indian headdress. Howard said just leave the Native Americans alone. He said their tit has been through the ringer. Howard said they have to leave them alone and not dress in one of their head dresses.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he's serious about this. He said he believes that he gets mad at him for no reason at all. Howard said alright. Jeff said he lets everyone else plug Cameo. He said he lets Erik plug it. Howard said stop looking at what everyone else has and look at what he has. He said Jeff has nothing to talk about and all he wants is to plug Cameo. He said it just happened to come up when Mark was on earlier. Jeff said Howard did bring it up. Howard said it was so organic. He said Jeff is a user. Arnold said please hang up because his cock looks like Jeff's dead arm now. Jeff and Arnold went back and forth with some insults for a minute. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said sometimes he thinks he's there just to fill up time between the commercials. Robin said that's what it was like on terrestrial radio. Howard said it was horrible there. He said they had some times when they had 25 minutes of commercials. Arnold said Robin has to make an audio book with that voice. He said he's enamored by her beauty and now she's perfect with that voice.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he appreciates what Howard has done to move therapy forward. He said he thinks he has to try a new therapist though. He said it sounds like he's doing psychotherapy and the idea is to make you better so he can go out on his own. The caller said he's going once a week for decades. Howard said he goes twice a week. He said this guy can't make the judgment if he's getting better or not. Howard said he goes but he thinks he could function without it.
Arnold said he doesn't go to therapy but he can relieve his stress. Howard asked what he does to do that. Arnold said he jerks off. He said Robin is the best therapist. He said all Howard needs is Robin's jugs in his face. Howard said he's not out of control like Arnold is. Howard did another live commercial read.
Howard said he saw that guy from WFAN Mike Francesa is leaving the station again. He said he has a weird career. He said he does sports talk and he seems like he can't make up his mind if he should stay or leave. Howard read the article he got about that. Howard said it doesn't say if he's remaining there in another role or if he's doing something else.
Gary said that Mike isn't number 1 in the ratings. Jon Hein came in and told Howard what they could do with Mike. He said he had left before and then he came back and they screwed over the team who replaced him. Jon said he thinks Mike put this out before Entercom was ready to make the announcement. Howard said this is so strange. He said it really is like Benjy.
Howard asked who beat him in the ratings. Jon said Michael Kay did. Jon said he could do his show from his home now. Howard asked how old the guy is. Jon said he's not sure. He said he and Mad Dog had something special going on. Howard said he likes Mad Dog. Gary said Mike is 65. Howard said that's when you have to start looking at this thing. Jon said he heard they're cutting salaries there at WFAN too. Howard said it's weird how that works. Jon said he has good ratings though. Robin said something about that and fake Arnold started jerking off again. Robin kept talking about the story and how a lot of radio stations are lowering salaries. Arnold was still finishing himself off.
Howard said he has some audio of Sour Shoes calling into the Mike Francesa show. He played that and Sour called in as Mad Dog Russo. Mike told him to just stop. He hung up on him.
Howard asked what's going on with Mad Dog. Jon said he's still doing his thing there. He said there was some talk going on about Mike coming over there to Sirius. Howard said he used to run into Mad Dog in the hall. Gary said he sees him about once a week. He said he has that make up bib on when he sees him. He said he's on TV for like an hour a day. Howard said he'd wear one to pick up women. He said he had one out in L.A. Robin said she saw that and she was surprised at how appealing a makeup bib can be. Gary said Mad Dog sits in a chair in his studio and gets that done. Howard asked if Jon gets one. Jon said he does. Howard said he doesn't wear makeup so he doesn't have one.
Arnold said he wears one on his cock in case he has a jizzing accident. Howard said he has to end this show. Arnold asked if he can come over and jizz on her glass.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Mike is hated over there at WFAN. He said he thinks he does some shows from home already and they don't let you know it. Howard asked if Michael Kay is better. The caller said he doesn't know. The caller said that when Sour Shoes calls into other shows they just let him ramble. Howard said he likes that. Gary said Michael Kay is a Howard fan so he lets Sour do his thing. Howard did a live commercial read and ended the show around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.