Howard started the show talking about how rough the show is going to be today. He said he isn't feeling good and he was up all night with a bad stomach. He said he even called the doctor. He said he still has it. He said his stomach is cramping. He said he came in though. He said Beth told him to stay home. He said she never does that. He said that he wasn't able to sleep at all. He didn't over eat or anything like that. He said his stomach is just cramping. He said he'll carry on though.
Robin told him to pretend he's a soldier in the fox hole. Howard said he never does that. He said everyone is on the phone talking about Jeff Bezos. He said Trump had a nervy thing where he called him Jeff Bozo. Howard said Donald has had a few affairs himself. Robin said if you attack him he's not your friend.
Howard said he was attacked over talking about the wall and what a waste of money it is. He said he does think it's a waste. He said a radio announcer in Philly was slamming him. He said the guy's name is Dom Giordano. He called him Dummy Giordano. Howard said he doesn't think he's an expert and he was just giving his opinion. He said this guy said he didn't know anything. He said neither does this guy.
Howard played a clip of the Giordano guy talking about him. Howard said this guy is going to claim he's an expert on the wall because he was at the border. Howard said that's like flying to the moon and saying you're a rocket science expert. Howard played more of the clip and Dom was talking about the conversation he had about the wall. Howard said he'd say based on his status in the radio business that he is more of an expert than this guy. Dom was talking about how Howard is shaming Trump by doing this. Howard said he wasn't doing that at all. He said this guy is all convoluted. Howard said Donald said he was going to get Mexico to pay for the all and he's not doing that.
Howard played more of the clip and the guy quoted Howard about how simplistic the wall is to our problems. Howard said you can't think that's how people are getting in. Robin said they've found tunnels going from Mexico to the United States. Howard played more of the clip and Dom was talking about Howard calling people morons if they get behind this wall thing. Dom said what Stern is saying is that you're a rube if you're a Trump supporter. Howard said if you think paying for a 5 billion wall is going to be enough. He said that's just a down payment. He said it's going to cost a lot more than that. He said this is his opinion. He said he does read the NY Times. He said call him a moron. Howard said he reads a few papers and that's what he's building his opinion on. He asked where this guy is getting his information from. He called him a stupid fuck. He told him to concentrate on his radio show instead of the wall. Howard said today is a slow day and he's not feeling well. He said this guy is paying for that today.
Howard played more of Dom talking about the wall. Howard said it's not going to cost just 5 billion and it's not going to be enough. He said in a perfect world it would be great to have something so simple take care of that problem. He said this guy actually goes out and patrols the border during his commercial breaks. He said the guy is a fucking moron.
Howard played a clip of Dom talking about being at the border himself and he's sure Howard hasn't been there. Howard said he has been to Mexico. He said he's been to Cabo. He said that's the most absurd thing he's ever heard. He said the guy has been to the border, big deal. He said he's been to the four corners. He said he's not an expert. Robin said that's like saying you're an expert on the Grand Canyon after going there once. Howard said this guy is a loser radio guy with a nothing career. He said this guy is no expert either. Dom was talking about how he doesn't think he's put any thought into this wall. Howard said neither has this guy. He said he put as much into it as this guy did.
Howard said he was in a few places in Mexico. He said the first time he was there he got sick from alcohol or something he ate. He said that makes him just as much of an expert not he wall as this guy is. He said this guy went to the border once so he's an expert. Howard said the guy this guy is a failure on radio is because he's lecturing everyone. He played more of the audio and Dom was talking about how the New Yorkers think they know it all. Howard said this guy is playing to the Philly crowd.
Howard said the guys just gave him some notes about the guy and he was a teacher. He said he was right about the way he sounds. Gary said they can't find his ratings. Howard said the guy claims he's an expert but he's not. Gary said in 2018 the station was ranked 16th. Howard said way to pull up your radio station. Howard asked what time slot he's in. Gary said 9 to noon. Howard said that's not even a time slot. He said that's like midday.
Howard said he only respects people who do mornings or afternoons. He said that no one puts you in that time slot if you're going to save the station. He said he's no Rush Limbaugh either. He said this guy sounds like a teacher the way he lectures. He said this guy annoyed him.
Howard said he doesn't think he had much more to say. He played the rest of the clip and it was just a few more seconds. Howard said this guy might work his way into the overnights. Howard asked how old he is. Gary said he's looking it up. Howard said he's probably been into it too long.
Gary said he started in 1987. Howard said he's still doing 9 to noon and he's been in it that long. Howard said he is more of an expert than this Dom guy. He said this guy failed as a teacher and as a radio guy. He said he doesn't consider himself an expert. He said he was giving his opinion on it. He said what a douche. He said Robin is an expert.
Howard said if Donald calls Jeff Bezos for having an affair then he's right since he's had affairs. Howard said he thought it was kind of weird they were doing that to Jeff Bezos. He said he fell for some chick and it was a neighbor's wife or something. Robin said it was a friend. Howard said then they release all of his private texts to her. Robin asked how they get those. Howard said he'd like to know.
Howard said he has someone on the phone who is an expert on the wall. He picked up and had clips of Wendy the Slow Adult saying ''yes'' to everything he asked her about. The guys had her almost vomiting with just about every answer too. Howard said maybe she's not such an expert. He said she's just another person claiming to be an expert. They had Wendy coughing and gagging.
Howard took a call from Pocket who wished Howard a happy new year. Howard said he must not be allowed to give his opinion. Pocket said he told a millennial he's dating about his ideas and she loved it. Howard said he just comes to his own conclusions. Howard said he's no expert on the wall and neither is Donald. He said that he just became president. He said there is no way he can build that wall for $5 billion. Robin said she thought tunnels were hard to dig but they have already found 3 that go from here to Mexico. Howard said he has built a home and they always go over budget. He said you always end up paying more.
Howard said he'd like to know what he can talk about. Pocket said they're going to have to build down just as much as up to keep people out. Howard said in order to get up you have to get down.
Pocket asked if he has seen the new Bozos chick. Howard said he has and she's pretty hot. Pocket asked if she's hotter than the wife. Howard said the wife is attractive but it's new pussy for him. He said you can see the most beautiful woman in the world and somewhere there is someone who is sick of fucking her. He said this is his area of expertise. He said he's pretty sure the entire show is his opinion. He said he's done pretty well giving his opinion.
Robin said the woman Bezos is dating is a television chick and she was married to an agent dude with a lot of money. Robin wondered if she has to give anything to her agent guy if she divorces him. Howard said yeah. He said he felt sorry for him having all of those texts out there. He said they were private. He said the National Enquirer printed all of that. He asked how they get to do that.
Howard said he knows that it'll be an interesting divorce because Amazon is so successful. He said that he may lose some of that power he has over there. Robin asked how much he owns. Pocket said it's 16 percent of the stock. Howard said he's not an expert on all of that. He said they'll have to turn to dummy on that.
Pocket said he thinks the wife is pretty hot. He said the new girlfriend isn't that hot. Howard said no one knows what's going on there. He said if Bezos gets divorced then he may want to go out and date a bit. Robin said you don't go out and date the woman who broke up the marriage. Robin said she was reading that this could lead to a marriage from what someone was saying.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to get off of this wall kick. Howard said he's not on a wall kick. He said he was commenting on this fuck head in Philly who said he's not entitled to his opinion. The caller said he doesn't know a shit about what's going on out there. Howard said neither does anyone else. The caller said he's turning into more fake news than CNN. Howard said stop buying into that. He said they're not fake news. He said they're not an internet guy giving conspiracy theories. He said the NY Times is a miracle. He said that there are so many fuckwads out there that want the NY Times to go away. He said that they have so many great papers out there. He asked why people are willing to throw away their freedoms. Robin asked what's wrong with listening to another opinion. Howard said he hates this caller. Howard said he's never seen a paper like the NY Times. He said it's awesome.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's a civil engineer and she has an opinion on the wall. She said it will take a lot more than the 5 billion. She said it will be at least 1 and a half times as much. Howard said of course. He said he put in a stone wall one time and it was a fortune. Robin said she put in a bathroom and it was 5 billion dollars. Howard said they never show up on time and on budget.
Robin said she came to a different conclusion after this weekend. She said just give him the 5 billion and that's all he gets. Howard said then they put it into the wall and it won't be finished. Robin said that will be his problem.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this guy Dom is doing a bit about Pocket not being an expert on Jeff Bezos. Howard said it's not as easy as it looks to write a joke.
Howard said Richard and Sal put together some stuff for his birthday. He said they made a prank call to a radio station where you can call in with birthday wishes. He said he tried to call in to see how long he'd be able to ramble on. He said they just let him go on and on.
Howard played the clip of Richard calling in as Rusty and going on and on. Howard said they really have to stop with this kind of thing on radio stations. He said that it's weak radio.
Howard played more of the Rusty call where he was wishing Howard a happy birthday. He rambled on with everyone's name in the back office. Then he was giving every name of people who work there at Sirius. He was naming Wack Pack going on and on with names that haven't been mentioned on the show for years. He was mentioning guests of the show and mentioned John Stamos twice. The host of the radio show said he's just curious about how long this list is going to be. He ended up cutting him off when he got into the porn star names.
Howard asked how you like that. Robin said they must have had to get Richard more lists. Howard said he just busted through about 100 names.
Howard said Richard also got stations around the world to mention his name. He said he got stations to mention that and he worked on it for months. He said this is a montage of what they did for Robin and Ronnie this year too. Howard played the montage of Robin and Ronnie's mentions that they got radio people to read.
Howard said this is 20 fake Howard names like Howard's 2 inch cock, Howard cums quick, Howard's nut sack, Howard Stern's Hard On, Ralph Blows Howard, Howard Pissed from Benjy's Vortex, Howard's gagging from Gary's breath and Howard's fecal matter. He said this took 3 months to make. Robin said those are tough things to get people to say.
Howard said Richard did great work on this. He played the montage for Robin. They had the radio guys reading the birthday wishes and reading the fake names. One guy figured out they were scamming him. He said that it helps to proof read. that guy is the one who read Howard's Fecal Matter.
Howard said that they get the guy to say that by spelling it ''Sveikel-Madder.'' Robin said the letter S allows them to get them to say anything. Howard said he would have been happy if they had stopped there.
Richard came in and wished Howard a Happy Birthday. Howard asked if Richard did this alone. He asked if Sal worked on it too. Richard said he helped with some of the names. Robin said she wonders who goes over the spelling. Richard said they will have someone in the back read it and say it.
Howard said he liked Howard Cums Quick. He replayed that one. Howard said this is some stellar work. Richard said they can say they're experts on fucking with radio stations.
Richard said he has to apologize for not mentioning Nik Ruckert's name in that long list of names. He said he knew he would forget one. Howard said these are names they refused to read. Howard said Howard's cock is small, Howard likes babysitter porn and others. He said that they mispronounced Howard and Ralph are gay.
Richard said the one they read about Howard being pissed form Gary fucking up was like their landing on the moon. He said they were all cheering when they heard that one read.
Howard said that was a great job. He said that the Chiefs won over the weekend. He said Richard must have been thrilled about that. Richard said he was but the Eagles lost so his wife was unhappy about that. He said he felt bad for her. He said he was happy on Saturday when the Chiefs won. He said she says she'll support the Chiefs now that the Eagles are out of it.
Howard said he has to play a clip of Richard's dad talking to Richard about his teeth. Howard played the clip and Richard told his dad that he had a dental implant done and it cost a crazy amount of money. He said it's $4,000 out of pocket. His dad told him to go with false teeth. Richard said he doesn't want to pull the good teeth out.
Howard said he has some great advice there. Just get them all pulled out. Richard said his dad has special dentures just so he can chew his meat. He said they have metal in them. Howard asked if he ever thinks about having a missing tooth because he told him not to get one filled in. Richard said it is in the back. Howard said all of his back teeth he needs to chew. Richard said he might be able to get around that. Howard said maybe Richard is more relaxed about his life. He said he'd freak out if he didn't have a tooth. Richard said he has a space there while they're making the crown. Howard said there's always another way.
Howard said how about just having his wife chew his food for him and he can get rid of his teeth. Howard said some of them teeth are just for show. Richard said that Michael Strahan is doing just fine. Howard said he should get his teeth filled in. Richard said he's on so many shows without doing that though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he is going through a situation in his life where he thought he had just a tooth ache. He said he waited a long time and the dentist went to pull the tooth and he found that it might be cancerous. He said he went to a specialist and this guy didn't have his hand in his mouth for more than 10 seconds. He said he had to pull his teeth out. He said he had cancer in his jaw. Richard asked if he smoked or chewed tobacco. The guy said he did smoke but this was something he thought was just a toothache. He said the dentist scared him. He said you have to go. He said that it was just a tooth ache. Howard said that's the least disgusting thing about Richard. He said you have to take that stuff seriously.
Howard asked if they had to take out some of his jaw. The caller, Craig, said he went through radiation and he had 38 episodes of radiation and some chemotherapy. He said he still has active cancer cells. He said Robin might know about that. Craig said he's now on immunotherapy. He said he goes every few weeks to get a dose of a drug that seems to be working for him. Craig told Howard that this is good for a lot of people to hear. He said it's not from licking Sal's balls either.
Howard said Richard's teeth were orange last week. Richard said he thinks that was from his meatballs he had that morning. Howard asked if he's going to tell his son to brush his teeth. Richard said he will. He said he's gotten better at it himself. Howard said thanks for the birthday gift and let Richard go.
Howard said the guys went out on the street and told people that Howard Stern is turning 40 years old. He played some clips of people reacting to that. People were wishing him a happy birthday but no one thought he was only 40. One woman said she thinks he's 55. Another one said he's like 70. One woman said she's all confused if he's only 40. Howard said he's 40 and that's a big milestone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Rob Zombie shouted out to him on his birthday. Howard said he and Rob share a birthday. He said they use do socialize a lot but he moved out to L.A. He said he loves that guy so much. He said Allie Wentworth shares his birthday too. He said Rush Limbaugh too. He said he's a January 12th guy too. He said it's a bunch of famous people. The caller said Rob posted a picture of him with John Stamos and they were in a hospital. Howard said that they were. He said one summer they had Stamos and Rob over and they were all hanging out but Rob had an allergic reaction to something. He said his eye got all blown up. He said it might have been from the lawn or something. He said the three of them went to the hospital. He said it was quite a scene. He said he drove Rob over. Howard said they had some fun back then. He said he hasn't seen Rob in a while. He said the doctor freaked out when he saw it. He said he gave him some antihistamine and it was fine. He said that was many years ago when he was fun.
The caller said it was an epic picture. Howard said Beth told him that she thinks he's walking around depressed all the time. Howard said he's always been like that. He said that he's never been positive. He said she was saying that he always says everything sucks. Robin said that's so cute that she's finally hearing him. Howard said she married him and he wasn't Mr. Positivity.
Howard said he asked her if she is saying she's tired of him. He said she told him to work on his attitude. He said he's been a bundle of positivity this morning so far. Robin said ''Really?'' Howard said he thought maybe his looks are fading and she's seeing his personality now.
Howard said he was working on the Year in Review stuff and he came across all of the things he hates and he really doesn't like much. He said he still feels the same way about all of this. He said he hasn't changed his mind on all of this stuff. He said that he still hates all of this. He read a list of the things he said he hates from last year. He read the list and then played a montage of himself talking about the things he doesn't like.
Robin asked why Howard goes up in front of crowds if he hates it so much. Howard said Jon Bon Jovi asked him to do that. Robin said he has done it at other events too. Robin said his agent took him off the list at his birthday party. Howard said he got up and did it out of guilt. Robin said he was off the hook and he didn't have to do it. Robin said he was making notes the whole evening. Howard said he felt guilty. Robin said he also went up at Beth's North Shore Animal League gala. Howard said it's a mistake to have Robin at those things.
Howard said it's the guilt that makes him do that stuff. Robin said that he would have been fine if he didn't do it at Don's thing. Howard said he knows Don was pissed. He said he had to do it. Howard said he knows what's going on.
Howard said he hates everything and he's very negative. He said he can't wait to see what he hates in 2019. Robin said he's already started. She said he hated the golden globe awards. Howard said he really did. He said that guy Rami Malek won for best actor. He said he was really good in that movie ''Bohemian Rhapsody.'' Robin said Bradley Cooper was a lock for that in her opinion. Howard said they fucked up his scene.
Howard played more of the montage of the things he hates. The list was non stop. Howard said he must be a little negative. He said he really hates Halloween and adults dressing up. He said he really hates that people think he can't have an opinion like that fuck head in Philly. Howard said he doesn't think anyone who has failed at radio has any right to comment on his opinion. He said he has to take a break. He said he hates to break down the world for that guy but he is a dummy and so is that guy. He said they're all dummies. He said no one knows anything. They went to break after that.
Howard said he was painting over the weekend. He said his daughter Ashley came over with her boyfriend and they were hanging out. He said she's such a good kid. He said they have such a good time. He said he tells her to listen to her step mother to bust her balls.
Howard said he was pretty positive during that. He said that he tries to be positive in front of the kids. Robin said that's the only time he's positive.
Howard said they went out on the street and asked people to tell you something about getting older that no one tells you. Howard played a clip and a woman was talking about how everything breaks down. One woman said that everything gets saggy. Another said that you have bladder problems and you don't know when you're going to pee. You go gray. Your sex drive goes down and on and on. Howard said this is so depressing to hear.
Howard said you become a ghoul. He said that was depressing. He said it goes on another 21 seconds and he can't listen to it.
Howard said he got invited to go to a tribute for Chris Cornell of Soundgarden. He said he listened to his music a lot over the weekend. He said they're going to have a bunch of bands there at the tribute. He said that Jimmy Kimmel is hosting of course. He said he hosts everything. He said Jimmy is doing it because he feels bad. Robin said Jimmy loves people. Robin said he loves being around people. Howard said he must.
Howard said he's not going to be able to go to that thing. He said he's there in New York. He said he loves Chris Cornell but not that much. He said he wouldn't even do that for the Stones.
Howard said High Pitch Erik sent him a birthday message. He said of course it's over modulated. He played the clip of Erik singing Happy Birthday to him. He said of course ha has to sing the whole song to him. He said he's so annoying. Erik wished him a happy birthday and said he deserves every minute of it. Howard said you can get your own message like that on Cameo.
Howard said his favorite message was Sour Shoes calling in as George Takei. He played a clip of Sour doing his thing as George. He wished Howard a happy birthday.
Howard said he got a message from Ham Hands Bill too. He said he hasn't heard from him in a while. He said he left a super creepy birthday message for him. He said just listen to this. He played the message and Bill thanked him for radio and for the broadcasting. He said thank you for being a friend for all of us fans. Howard said he thinks he was winging it. He said it's not written down. Howard did his impression of Bill for a bit. Bill also thanked him for something about sniffing panties. Howard said he has never smelled Beth's panties once. Howard said they should have horror music playing over that. Fred played some horror music and Howard did his Bill impression. Howard started the clip over and let it play with the horror music playing. They went to break a short time later.
After the break Howard came right back and said they should keep playing Gary songs. He said the guy who played Freddie Mercury is very Freddie like. He said he wasn't acting that much. Robin said he thinks he may still be in character. Howard said he might be. He said he was still kind of transformed. Gary said he was really good in that movie.
Howard said they have a panel today. He said they'll get to that in a second. He took a call from Apples who said he would like to apologize. He said that Sandra Bullock did look great in Bird Box. Howard said of course. He said he goes on web sites where they trash beautiful women. He said that Sandra looks amazing at 54. Apples said he thought she was over make up'd in Oceans 8. Howard said he doesn't want to get into this again. He asked who these guys are who critique these women. Apples said they should focus on Nicole Kidman in Aquaman. Jason said she did look great in that. Howard said he hasn't seen it yet. Jason said she looks really hot. Gary said she still gets naked too. He said she still looks good. Howard said he loves that women get naked in movies. He said he loves to see what's doing.
Howard said to him it's still nice to see no bush. Robin said when you play someone from the dark ages you don't do that. Howard said he could suspend disbelief. Robin said half the time they use merkins. They were talking about Eyes Wide Shut. Gary said she was very naked in ''Dead Calm'' too. Jason was on MrSkin.com looking up things she's been in. Howard said his bush is still dark. Gary said his is too. Sal said he doesn't believe that. He said he has to look like a silver back gorilla down there.
Howard said his hair down there is kind of straight. He said the hair is longer than his dick. He said that's when he's flaccid. Robin said he should have it braided. Howard said his cock doesn't exceed the hairs.
Apples asked if he has ever had his hair tugged when something happens down there. Howard said he has to hang up on him.
Howard asked Fred if his hair is grey down there. Fred said it's white. He said he's like a creature from the arctic. Jason said he thought it all turned at the same time. Robin said beards are different. Jason said bodies are weird. Howard said if he went grey he thinks he'd keep it. He said he might do it like Steven Tyler because he had a good dye job. Shuli asked if he would do a Pauly Walnuts kind of thing. Howard said no way. He said he loves that guy. He said he still watches that show The Sopranos. Robin said she tuned in for a few episodes.
Howard said there's a story about David Chase wanting Steven Van Zandt playing Tony Soprano. Howard said that's what they claim. Robin said he never could have done what James Gandolfini did. Howard said they also say that the mother was supposed to be written off the first season but she got cancer and she asked to keep working so they kept her on.
Howard said they say that Lorraine Bracco was going to play Tony's wife but she wanted to play the therapist. He said he got a lot of useless information about that show.
Howard said Sal got all dressed up for the panel. He said he sprayed his hair too. Sal said he always sprays it. He said he's out of his Aquanet. He said he has to use something else now.
Howard said they have to finish up the year in review. He said they have a few things to get to today. He said that they have Gary, Sal, Shuli, Jason and JD on the panel today. He said Shuli's last name Egar is a weird name. Shuli said they changed it from Yeagar which is kind of cool.
Howard said they have a lot of people who stopped on the show last year. He said these are the people who got the best reaction from the fans. Howard asked why Gary is even in there. He said that the doesn't need him in there to introduce this segment. Gary said that (fake) Sarah Huckabee Sanders called in a lot last year. He had some clips for Howard to play. He had a fake Alex Jones clip to play after that.
Sal said one of his favorites was Ivanka Trump coming in. He had a clip of fake Ivanka for Howard to play. Then JD said that they had Steven Hawking on the show even after he died. He had a clip for Howard to play.
JD said someone called in as Memet's therapist and it turned out to be Benjy and that didn't go over very well with Howard. Howard said he had to break the fourth wall and call him out on that. Howard played a clip from that day.
Howard said Benjy is the man of one voice. He said the bit laid an egg. He said he was speaking very slow. Howard said he's Rich Not So Little.
Shuli said that Sour Shoes continued to amaze them last year. He said he debuted a new impression where he did Mariann from Brooklyn. Howard said he wasn't able to tell the difference between the two. He played a clip of Mariann and Sour on the phone at the same time. They weren't able to tell the difference between the two of them.
Jason said his favorite this year was Fred doing his Ronnie impression. Howard said he really came to life last year with that. Howard played a montage clip with Fred as Ronnie.
Howard said he was going to call him Fronnie. He said he wishes Fred Ronnie drove him. Howard said those are some of the impressions they liked last year. He went to break after that.
Howard said he and Beth went over to visit his parents and they love to talk about what they eat. He said they love talking about it. He said Beth asked what they eat for each meal. Howard did his impression of his mom talking about how his father eats 3 types of cereal now. He said she says he combines three different ones into one. He said she brought out a bit Tupperware and it was all of that cereal mixed together. Howard said there were Honey Nut Cheerios and Raisin Bran and something else. Howard said she brought it out and he used his hand to grab some. He said it was sort of like trail mix. He said it was good. He said they had a second container with cashews and peanuts. He said his father takes one handful. He had no scooper for that. Howard said it was like a tower of nuts. Howard said he never uses his hand to measure. He said he has a scoop. He said he will dig in if he uses his hand.
Jason said it's cool that his dad made his own cereal. Howard said it is. Jason said it's like Arnold Palmer. Howard said he was surprised at the Honey Nut Cheerios because of the sugar. Howard said he only has one scoop though. Robin said she'd like to know how he came up with that mixture. Howard said his dad is down to grunting and hand waving now. He said Beth asked if they have coffee with that. He said his dad has 4 cups every day.
Howard did his impression of his mother talking about what a great husband Ben was and how she has no problem getting him coffee.
Howard said he has to see that new Keanu Reeves movie Replicas. JD said it's not getting good reviews. Howard said he bets John Wick doesn't either. JD said he thinks it did.
Howard said he told his mother that Beth was out at the house and he was staying in the city. He said he was talking about how she thinks that a wife should be with her husband every day. Howard had her talking about how absence makes the heart grow fonder but it actually makes it grow colder. Howard had her talking about that with him.
Howard said his mother wanted him to go to the CP center as a kid. He said that he felt horrible going there and he wanted to kill himself. He said they threw him in with tough cases. He said that she went and never went back. He said he went and never went back either. He said he seems to listen to her. Howard said he's so negative according to Beth.
Howard was going in and out of his impression of his mother. He was having a conversation with her about what she eats. That led to Howard talking to Jason about some of the foods he likes to eat.
Howard said he heard about their dinner too. He said his mother talked about brisket and how it was all fat and not good. Howard said it must be a slaughterhouse in their kitchen.
Howard said last year they had the Wack Pack Conclave. He said that got Marfan Mike on the show. Jason said that only one person in the back office is against Marfan. He said that's Memet. Howard said Marfan is great on the show.
Jason said Marfan has something called Marfan that messes up your body. Shuli said he had to move to Florida or it would have killed him. Jason said they found out that Mike works in customer service. Howard said that was shocking. He asked what the hell is up with that. Jason had a clip for Howard to play where Howard pretended to call Mike at customer service.
Jason said they had him sing Bohemian Rhapsody too. He had Howard play that clip next. Everyone got a laugh out of that. Howard said that is total Wack Pack. Jason said that was all Mike singing that song too.
Jason said that Wendy the Slow Adult is another Wack Packer they had on last year. He said that he and Wendy stay in touch over text. Shuli said she will not contact him back. He said she will only talk to Jason. Jason said they'll text and talk about what they're eating. Jason said this is a montage of Wendy's phlegm from one recording session they did with her. They had Wendy coughing and hacking up phlegm. Howard said she sounds like an old engine. Howard asked what's going on there. Robin said it sounds like Acid Reflux to her. Howard said that might be from drinking Mountain Dew first thing in the morning.
Gary said that last year they had Sour Shoes call Medicated Pete and he talked to Pete for over 2 hours. Gary said he called him as Sour Gary. Pete never knew it was a phony phone call. Howard played a clip from that day. The call actually went on for over 2 hours. Gary said Sour stayed on the phone for another few minutes even after Pete hung up. Howard played some of that.
Howard said that's how he gets those impressions down. He said it's repetition. Howard said he thinks you have to have nothing to do all day. Gary said they have the whole call up on the app.
Gary said they also have a montage of Pete's sniffing and noises. He had Howard play that next. That was all during a game they played in the studio.
Howard said it sounds like it's exhausting to be Pete. Shuli said he shared a from with him once and he wanted to jump out a window. He said noise never stops.
Howard asked who else they want to remember from last year. Sal said how about Tan Mom. He said that she told them about falling in a well when she was a kid. Howard had a clip to play from that day. They found out that Tan Mom was in a well for 7 days.
Howard said she was 7 days in a well. He said it's a miracle she survived that. He thought he had her on the phone. She didn't answer right away. Tan Mom was there though. Shuli did his Tanner Mom impression. Howard said she survived 7 days in a well and she was fine. Tan Mom said she was talking really fast but it wasn't a well, it was a hole. She said it was terrifying. Howard said it wasn't a well then. She said it was a hole and there was water or whatever. Sal said she fell in a puddle.
Gary asked how deep it was. Tan Mom said she's like 5'7'' and a half and it was like twice her height. She said it was really scary. Robin asked if it had steep walls. Tan Mom said she broke her nails trying to get out of there. She said she finally got out. She said she was in the woods. Gary said she must have been starving after 7 days. She said she was dehydrated. She said they wanted to keep it quiet so she didn't really do anything. Tan Mom said it was a couple of days but it felt like 7. Howard said you know that song ''30 Days in the Hole.''
Howard said that what he understands is that she was walking with her friend and she fell in a hole. Robin said the family never came looking for her. Howard said she wasn't in the hole for 7 days. Tanner Mom said it was a few minutes but it felt like days. Tan Mom said it felt like 7 days. Howard asked if it was overnight. Tan Mom said it was two days. She said she was about 19 years old. Robin said she thought she was a kid. She said she was 19. Howard asked if she had to pee in the hole. Tan Mom said she did. She said she wasn't able to get anyone's attention. She said everything turned out great. Sal said it sounds like it.
Howard asked if she got the plate later in life. Tan Mom said it was later. She said she got cold cocked in the head. She said that wasn't funny. Howard asked if she's in Florida now. Tan Mom said she is. She said the weather is fabulous down there. Howard asked how she does it and never gets skin cancer. Tan Mom said she never has. She said she's doing great.
Gary asked if she puts any lotion on. She said she puts baby oil on. Howard asked if she knows about skin cancer. Tan Mom said nothing has happened to her. She said she knows about it. She said she uses a little SPF but just a little. Howard asked what SPF she uses. Tan Mom said she's glad she moved down there. She said she uses Coppertone 15 on her kids. She said she just uses a little. Gary asked if you can put baby oil on your SPF. Tan Mom said it's good for your skin. She said you tan real even with that.
Howard asked if she gets compliments on her tan. She said she does get that. She said people walk up and stare at her. She said it's weird. Tanner mom said ''What are you looking at? Haven't you ever seen an Almond before?''
Howard said Sal must be into this thinking about her in a bathing suit. Sal said he thinks she's posed nude before. He said he did see her side meat once. He said after the show was over one day she had short shorts on and she reached up to put her shoes on and her vagina came right out the side. He said the other side came out a short time later.
Shuli said he was in the green room one day and she had her legs over her head and she had her legs wide open and her vagina just pops out.
Howard asked Sal if he has jerked off to her. Sal said he has a few times. He said he likes the kookiness. He said he thinks she'd be fun.
Howard asked Tan Mom if she knows it when her vagina pops out. Tan Mom said it's fine. She said she doesn't know about it but it's normal.
Howard let Tan Mom go and played some of her song ''Free to Be.'' Shuli said they're recording another one. Howard said they know.
Sal said they made some prank calls to her too. He said they had Chris Wilding call her as a kid who was dying. They had Tan Mom pretend to be Nicole Kidman. He had a clip for Howard to play.
Howard said that was a great prank. He said 2018 was chock full of fun. Shuli said that they learned that Bobo fucked a vacuum cleaner tube. He used a central vac for that. Howard played a clip from that day.
Jason said he doesn't get putting it up the ass. He asked what he gets from that. Howard had Bobo on the phone and Bobo said it was just an experiment. He said it was a central vac so it didn't have a lot of suction. He said it had to go up three floors.
Sal was saying he's sick in the head. Howard said Sal should stop. Jason said that's like Trump going after Bezos for cheating. Howard asked if Bobo is a big Trump supporter. Bobo said he is. Howard asked him about the wall. Bobo said that he thinks that they need that wall. He said that Trump says that Mexico is paying for it with this big trade deal. He said they need to get this wall done. Robin asked how good his thinking is on this. She asked why he would use that brain to think.
Howard asked Bobo what he wants. Bobo said he thinks that Madonna had butt implants done. Howard said he thinks she was just messing around. Shuli asked if he saw that picture of Travolta without his hair. Bobo said he did. Howard said he saw that too and he looks great. He said Bobo should do that. Bobo said he's thinking about it. He said he should get him up in the studio and he'll come in and do that. Howard said just think about the freedom he'd have if he got rid of that thing. Bobo said it is bad down there in the humidity. Shuli told him to just take the fucking thing off. Gary said he'd have to shave everything off. He said he has a weird shaped head.
Bobo said everyone sees him in his hair so they know him with it. Howard said everyone knows that it's fake. Howard played a song parody about Bobo using that central vac on his dick.
Bobo said he's thinking of taking his wig off. He said if he does it he'll do it on the show. Gary said they didn't invite him to do it there. Howard said at some point you have to just give it up. He said he's retired in Florida so there's no reason to have it. He said there was a great article in the NY Times about a guy going bald really young. He said this guy was talking about what a drag it is. He said that he just said fuck it one day and gave up because you can't get it back. Howard asked how old Bobo was when he lost it. Bobo said he was in his 30s when he started losing it. He said his brother had a full head of hair. He said he's passed now but he had a full head of hair. That's the brother that died on 9/12.
Howard said he never did get to the bottom of that story last year. Howard said Sal's hair thing is working out. Sal said they plugged his hair from the back to the front. Sal said the native hairs still fall out but the hair from the back still grows. Howard asked what that cost. Sal said it was like 9 grand. He said they had to rip a thing of hair off the back of his head and put that in a Petri dish. He said they needle that into your head. He said it's like planting seeds. Jason said he looked odd when they first did it. He said it looked like a farm on his head. Sal said they have a spray that can make it work quicker. He said the scabbing goes away in about a week. He said the hair in the back continues to grow. He said that's what they put in the front.
Bobo said that Sal's thing wouldn't work for him. Shuli said Bobo's hair comes in the mail. Howard said Sal had to spray stuff on his hair. Sal said he had hair powder and his wife freaked out about that. Jason said that Jon Hein gets that too. He said they use it on that show he does. He said he showed up to the Christmas party with ah full head of hair. Gary said it looks good on TV.
Howard had Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Bobo just said his brother had all the luck but he died of a heart attack. She said that he's out of his mind. Howard let her go.
Shuli said he had a mind blowing conversation with Bobo the other day. He asked how many students he had pass their driving test last year. Shuli said he told him he had a couple fail but he had 50 in a row. He said they didn't do it in a row. Bobo said he told them to do exactly what he tells them to do and they don't follow him so he doesn't count that. Howard asked what he's going to tell you. He said you can't go around saying your students passed if they flunked. Bobo said they flunked because they made mistakes. He had 1/3 of his students fail. Howard asked how that's good. Bobo said that if 50 pass that's fantastic. He said that only 25 failed. Gary said that's a lot of failures. Bobo said not in a whole year. Bobo said that it takes a lot to get them to pass.
Howard asked how many fail in a bad year. Bobo said he can fail upwards of 90 out of maybe a coupe hundred. Howard said he has to hang up on him. He said this is so boring.
Howard asked if they're done. Shuli said that they didn't talk about Jeff the drunk. He said they had the Wack Pack conclave and he was so drunk he was barely able to speak. He had a clip for Howard to play from that day. Jeff was barely able to get a thought out that day talking about Marfan Mike.
Shuli said Underdog was another one he has to talk about. He said that her favorite fast food is Arby's. He said they sent her a sweat suit and free food. He said this is her reaction to the clothes. Howard played a clip where Underdog said she's not interested in sweat pants or sweat shirts.
Howard said he loves Underdog. He said he loved when she got upset trying to put her seat belt on and freaked out. Shuli said she gets freaked out by everything. He said she came to the door screaming when she got a needle stuck in her shoe. Howard played a clip of her freaking out about the seat belt clamp.
Howard said that they have a two part Embedded special coming up with Underdog in 2019. Shuli said that was a very surprising day. He said he got to go to her house. Gary said they did laundry together and he was riveted. Shuli said she was sharing stories of her life as the buzzers were going off at the laundry.
Howard said he thinks they finished the year in review. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said Fred put that door banging sound in that song. Fred said that seems to be prevalent in songs these days. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said it's time for news. They played Robin into it with a song parody.
Robin started her news with a story about a nanny in New York who says the people she worked for installed a nanny cam in their bathroom. Robin said you can't watch the nanny take a bath. She said she is now suing that couple.
Robin said that Megyn Kelly has finished her negotiation with NBC. Robin said that what they wanted was a non disclosure. Robin said they weren't going to exceed her salary. Robin said she's getting out for 30 million. Howard asked why they don't just honor the contract. He said she didn't do anything to deserve not getting paid. Robin had some more details about that and how they had her sign a non disclosure before she would get her full contract paid.
Robin said there is something called a post nup and they say rich people are getting this done now. Howard said he's not sure how good that is. Robin mentioned that because of the Jeff Bezos divorce thing. Robin had some details about the Bezos story. She said this guy whose wife Bezos is dating was his friend. Robin said they would go on vacation and meet up. Robin said they say he made a play for her a couple of years ago. She said they say that this guy Patrick is a great guy and this could be weird for him because he still represents high profile people. Robin said Amazon is a huge consumer of media content so that could cause some issues. Howard said he's not sure he'd hang out with guys like that. He said he'd be afraid of someone stealing his wife.
Robin read a story about the texts she was reading over the weekend. Robin said this woman, Sarma Melngailis, who had a great vegan restaurant and she started running around with a gambler and ended up on the there side of the law for a while. Robin said they say that they wound up getting busted when this guy ordered pizza with Parmesan and wings. Robin said someone noticed that they were the fugitives they were looking for in the area. Robin said this woman started sleeping with her lawyer and that's the same lawyer that was working with El Chapo. Robin said the texts ended up being released and that's what she was reading. She said she got 4 months of prison time and she embezzled 2 million dollars. Robin said the laws are that you get a certain amount of time for grand larceny and she only got 4 months. Robin said she thinks they should look into that. Howard said they're calling her the Vegan Bernie Madoff. Robin said they say that she and Louis C.K. had a little tryst too. She said that she accused him of giving her an STD. She said Louis never said that he was clean. Howard said good for Louis dating her. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said that she was told she has a sticker stuck to her ear. She said she can't see it. Gary said she sees it. He said he'd come in and get it. Gary went in said it's gone now. Then he found it. Howard said you never know what your job is going to involve.
Robin read a story about Steve Buscemi's wife passing away. Robin said she was 65 years old. Howard said he read about that. Robin said they don't have the cause of death. Robin said they say she died last weekend and she had a private funeral. Robin said they were a long time married couple. Robin said she's so sorry to hear that.
Howard said he has so much email there. He said maybe it's not appropriate to talk about it after that story. He said a lot of people are arguing about the best phony phone call of 2018. He read through some of the email about that. People were arguing about which call they thought was the best. Howard said that he thought it was the Goat Boy call.
Howard said people are also talking about what a creep Brent is with his sex life with his wife. Howard read through a few of those emails. He had some email about the best places to live that they talked about recently. Howard had some email about Gary's ''desert island'' record picks. He read through that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they're going to see the new M. Night Shyamalan movie ''Glass.'' Robin said she was trying to get Howard to watch Split but he hasn't done it yet. Howard said he has things to do. He said he likes M. Night and he was on the show years ago. He said he likes his movies. Howard asked where he can see Split. Robin said you can stream it. She said it's probably on Apple TV or something. Robin said she loved that movie. Howard told Gary to write that down for him.
Howard said Glass has 38 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. Robin said that doesn't mean anything. She said she hasn't seen Glass yet but she did love Split. Howard said the caller says he loves it. The guy said he did. Robin said it goes back to Unbreakable and Howard did love that. Howard said he did.
Robin read a story about a woman who wrote a book about her world being shattered when she found out that her sister was no relation to her when she did a DNA test. Howard asked why people lie to their kids like that. Robin said this turns out to be a thing where the mother had her and the father wasn't the girl's father. Robin said back in the 60s they would have shows where males were infertile and they would mix your sperm with good sperm. Robin said you wouldn't know whose sperm impregnated you. Robin said that you'd never know who the father was. She said this is what the child was.
Howard said he just got a news flash. He asked Fred for some breaking news music. Fred played some stuff that didn't work but he found something eventually. Howard said the breaking news is that Brent's wife is getting breast implants as they are talking. Howard had Brent come in to talk about that. Brent said she had her breasts done 12 years ago and one of them deflated so she's getting them redone. He said they're going to be another 50 percent larger this time. He said he's very excited about it. Brent said this doctor said he's going to go quite a bit bigger this time. Howard said Brent loves big titties. Brent said she has a big ass like a Kardashian too. He said this is going to cost like $8-10,000. Howard said that you'd think they'd include that in health insurance. Brent said it's good for the sex life. Howard asked how Brent is going to feel if she leaves him for some other guy and he gets to play with those tits. Brent just laughed. He said there's something that they're going to do with the nipples that make them look good too. He said he's letting the doctor figure all of that out.
Howard said King of All Blacks is turned on by all of this. He picked up on King and King asked why he doesn't like her the way she looks naturally. Brent said she popped a tittie. Howard said forget about this guy. King asked if he was with her when she got her first implants. Brent said no. King said he should figure out why she feels bad about herself. He said there's something wrong with them if they do that. Howard hung up on King. He took a call from fake Bubba the Love Sponge who was doing the surgery on Brent's wife. Howard asked if they're going to be bigger than Robin's. Brent said no but fake Bubba said they're going to make Robin look small.
Howard asked if she's getting them done right now. Brent said that she's in pre-op today and she'll be getting them done on Wednesday. He said they say you have to get them redone every 10 years or so. Howard said let them know how it goes. Brent said for sure. Howard said he had breaking news and that's what it was.
Robin read a story about the Critic's Choice Awards that were on last night. Howard said he tried to watch but he had stomach cramps last night. He said he wasn't in the mood. He said he's going to the doctor today. Robin said good. Robin read about some of the winners of the Critic's Choice Awards. Robin said ''Roma'' was the big winner last night. Howard said he tried to watch that but he doesn't like reading his TV shows. Robin read about some of the other winners last night. Robin said there were two ties last night too. She read about those ties and how they worked that out. Robin had some audio of Lady Gaga getting emotional about her win. Howard said he doesn't like these awards shows. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said she spent the weekend watching ''Surviving R. Kelly.'' She said that was some series. She said that they show a woman who rescued her child from R. Kelly. Robin said that these girls are afraid to leave the guy according to the series. Howard said he doesn't care about R. Kelly. Robin said the guy is damaging people and he might be bordering on committing illegal acts with underage girls. Robin said he has many accusers. Robin had some audio of R. Kelly in an interview talking about how he's not into underage girls. He said he has some 19 year old friends but no one illegal. Robin said Aaliyah is one story where he married her at 15 and he knew her from 11. Robin said the parents had that marriage annulled shortly after. Robin had some audio of R. Kelly singing a song about people accusing him of running a cult.
Howard said King of All Blacks wants to weigh in on this. He took his call and King said he's not defending him if he did something illegal. He was trying to explain but his phone kept cutting out. Howard asked him not to call in anymore. Howard said people ask for him not to take his calls. He read some of the email about King and what an idiot he is. King said if he did something illegal he should be locked up but if he didn't do anything illegal then he was just doing what he do. Howard said if he didn't do anything illegal then it's fine. Robin said another accuser came forward and said she's one of the underage accusers. Robin said she was just 16 when she was lured into a relationship and that lasted 6 years. Robin said she claims she was held in a hotel room for days and she felt like he was going to kill her if she said anything. King said if that's true then he should be locked up. He said something ain't right if he did that and they didn't lock him up but they lock up black people for going through a stop light.
Robin read a story about the government shutdown being in day 24 and the President isn't going to give up his fight for the funding for that wall. Robin had some audio of Lindsay Graham talking about the shutdown and how he urged the president to open the government for a short while.
Robin read about how the Canadian air traffic controllers are sending pizza to American air traffic controllers to help them out during this shutdown.
Robin read about how Chuck Schumer is upset about the shutdown because the DEA may not be able to help with prescribing drugs for addicts that would help them. Robin said this is going to affect everyone eventually. She had some audio of someone talking about the effects of a shutdown like this. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a representative of a fan club for him and he's the best of all time. He said he has street cred and he can take that back to his high school and it'll work there. Howard said he has no idea what he's talking about. Robin said she doesn't either. The caller said he's been listening for about 20 years now. He said it used to be taboo to listen as a black person. He said he'd like to let King of All Blacks know that he's not registered with them. He said he's not part of this at all. Howard said this is very interesting. He said this is the top black guy in Virginia. Howard said this is a crazy day today.
Robin read a story about the NY Times and Washington Post claiming that the FBI opened an investigation into the president after he fired James Comey. Robin said Trump is calling this another witch hunt. Robin said that the FBI was looking to see if he was an agent of Russia. Robin had some audio of Trump on FOX News talking about this being nonsense. Robin had more details about that and how Trump was hiding notes about what was said in his meetings with Vladimir Putin. Howard said a lot of people are being locked up over this. He said it's not a witch hunt. He said there are a lot of dudes going down in this so far.
Robin said the Waffle House is interesting to her. She said she's never been but a lot of people like the food there. Howard said it's like a Howard Johnson's. Robin said two employees are out of work after video was posted of them putting food on a person who was passed out. Robin said the video posted on Instagram showed them putting salt, cheese and catsup on a passed out person at a Waffle House. Howard said Benjy used to work at one. He said Richard still goes there for breakfast. Robin said the man was highly intoxicated and they say that this is illegal to do.
Robin read a story about people doing this Bird Box Challenge. Robin asked if Howard could imagine. Howard said no. Robin said the police are telling people not to do this while driving. Robin had some audio of a police officer talking about how dangerous it is. Howard said Bobo says it's really dangerous too. Robin said no one has been injured but people have damaged vehicles. Howard said he wouldn't even walk around Waffle House blindfolded.
Robin read a story about a Jayme Closs being abducted and kept by this guy for 88 days after he killed her parents. Robin said they have no idea how this guy knew this girl other than one encounter. Robin said the guy had her for 88 days and then she got away and ran to a neighbor's house. Robin said the neighbor took her in and the cops picked the guy up later. Robin said the guy will have his first day in court today. They have no idea what motivated the guy to do what he did.
Robin read a story about Missy Elliot was inducted into the Songwriter's hall of fame. Robin had some of her music for Howard to play.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard was going to end the show but he had a caller on the line doing the Bird Box challenge. It was one of the guys in the office playing clips of crashing as he was driving. Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Howard started the show talking about watching The Bachelor at 2 in the morning. He said he likes that show. He said it's well done. Robin said she started to read something about it and she didn't want to spoil it so she stopped reading it. She said they were about to tell us what had happened. Howard said that's something that she didn't do that. Fred said that's a B-. He said he didn't find it as strong as Howard did. Howard said he thought it would have been funny.
Howard said there's this web site out there that's run by David Pecker from the National Enquirer. He said they say his marriage is in trouble. Robin said she saw that and thought what a horror it is to have that. Howard said they have a schedule that has something negative about him every 3-4 weeks. He said he didn't think he was that relative to drive traffic there but evidently he is. He said this guy David Pecker targets him. He said this guy is weird. He said he owns the National Enquirer and he has to make up shit about people. Robin said he takes a shit on people for a living. Howard said he's not sure why he like shitting on him all the time but he does. Howard said he has found people who have shit on him and he'll get into their private lives. He said he'll talk about Karen and the kids. He said he doesn't know him that well but he is a neighbor down in Florida. He said he might pop over and ask him what the fuck is going on. He said they just make up shit to get clicks.
Howard said this story was about how his wife thinks he's negative around the house. He said they wrote it up like his marriage is in trouble. He said it was a ridiculous thing to report. He said that the headline was about her slamming his bad attitude. He said he and his wife are madly in love. He said he needs to work on his marriage and he says that every morning. He said he adores her and he doesn't speak for her but he thinks she adores him too. Robin said what was interesting to her is that she clicked on the story. She wondered how they got that out of what he said yesterday.
Howard said they take all of the inflection out of it. Robin said they take her out of it too. She said it was all playful. Howard said after the guy does his hatchet piece he goes off to show what a good Jew he is. Howard said they dropped a bomb on his household. He said his wife doesn't listen to the show that closely.
Howard said to prove he's in a good marriage he's going to fuck Beth in the middle of Central Park. Robin said that they used to talk about Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman doing stuff like that. They were always out showing they were together. Howard said he may go out to dinner with Beth to show that he's in a good marriage. He said he finds this kind of funny actually. He said they go after him and try to write negative articles about him. He said they call his old friends and ex-employees to get stories like this. He said Joe and Mika were told they had negative stories about them so they better stop talking about the President.
Howard said part of him is complimented by this. He said he tells his wife not to pay attention to it. He said making up a headline is one thing but then hearing Wendy Williams talk about him is another. He said he's only assuming that she will. Robin said that people believe what they read. Howard said they should but there used to be integrity in journalism. Robin said how about listening to the show and write down what Howard said. Howard said he was trying to be funny. He said he was talking about how he's not different at work than he is at home. He said it wasn't one of his better routines.
Howard said his marriage isn't really in trouble. He said he has had to respond to this article. Howard read some of the article and it was written by ''the staff.'' He read a sentence that went something like ''Is Howard Stern opens a window heading to divorce...''
Howard said this ''opens a new window'' thing is all over the article. Jason said it's a printing glitch. He said it only comes up when you print it.
Howard said it's kind of depressing to read because it's just not true. He said by denying it you might think it is. He said that was kind of fun to wake up to. Robin said she saw it yesterday and she was in disbelief.
Howard said the other negative stuff they write is something he can ignore. He said they're just looking for publicity. He said it's exhausting. He said it's not fun for his wife. He said maybe if he did that for Karen and the kids David Pecker could feel the same way. He said he's sure that everything will be fine with Karen and the kids. He said he must be one of those guys who gets targeted by them. Howard said they seem to be busy trying to fix things for Trump. Robin said maybe Howard is an enemy now. Howard said he doesn't like the wall thing because it's a waste of money.
Howard said these are the same guys who came to Robin's door to find out she didn't have hair. Robin said they dragged her dying ass to the door to see her. Robin said they asked her about not going to work and told her they were going to publish this story and maybe she wanted to have her own say. Howard said if you've ever even had a stomach ache you don't want to talk about that. Robin said she didn't want to talk to a stranger about what's going on with her.
Howard said he knows Trump was happy that the National Enquirer posted the Jeff Bezos texts. He said he's not sure why the guy is so happy about that. He said Jeff Bezos isn't the enemy. He said Amazon is the greatest thing. He said he can get anything he wants delivered.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were doing the voice of a reporter for this shitty web site. He was fact checking and getting everything wrong.
Howard said he would have ignored this story but his wife was very upset. Robin said that you're just hearing this rattle. Howard said he's shocked that anybody even cares that much about his marriage. He said it must drive traffic tot their web site. He said it's a compliment in a way. He said maybe some old girlfriends will contact him thinking he's back on the market. He said that's a great way to get chicks. He said they make up shit about him now. He said he could say that anything written about him in the past year has been made up. He said he doesn't have scandal in his life.
Howard said Beth did say to him that he is walking around the house miserable. He said he thought he was happy go lucky but he's not. He said he's just shocked by her thinking he's not. He said that doesn't mean his marriage is ending.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she's putting David Pecker and Karen on her next Christmas card. Howard said he really doesn't care. Mariann said he's probably just like Les and Julie. Howard said they're going to make him crazy and it's best not to be on his radar. Howard let Mariann go in the middle of her trying to tell him something.
Howard said he has to watch what he says on the air now. He said he got away from that on terrestrial radio.
Howard said the thing you think is that the guy is gay. He said he came from a religious family and he went into football and never acted on his sexuality. He said most of us think we're in love 20 times before we're 15. He said by the time you're 5 you think you're in love.
The caller said she can't imagine him being in college and not getting anything. Howard said maybe some people are saying he might be gay. He said he says he's not but you can believe what you want. The caller said she thinks he's gay. She said he has no passion when he's kissing the girls on the show. Howard said she might be right about that. Robin said she'll have to check that out.
Howard said this guy is white and he has picked a few black women to keep. He said that happens on a lot of seasons but they always end up dropping them by the end. He said he sees that happening again this seasons. The caller said that happens every time.
Howard said he wants an interracial couple on The Bachelor. He said he won't rest until that happens. Howard let the caller go.
Howard took a call from Liberace who said The Bachelor just hasn't found the right woman yet. He said he was so busy playing tours and playing piano he was never able to find the right woman. He said he's still looking beyond the grave. He said he has a date lined up with Marilyn Monroe tonight.
Howard took a call from a guy who said maybe this guy has micro phallus. Howard said he was actually thinking that too. He said he could be gay or he has a micro phallus. The caller said he should go after that Pecker guy. Howard said he's too tired to do that. He said the whole world is too weird for him. He said it's aggravating. He said in some weird way he's shocked that he's that important to them.
Howard said he has such fears about his small penis. He said he gets a full six inches out of this small thing. He said fully aroused he is a full 6 inches. He said he was measured on the show. He said without a boner he isn't impressive. He said he is very masculine when he's aroused. He said if Robin ever slept with him she would be impressed. He said his underwear doesn't come off until he is aroused. He went to break a short time later.
Howard asked JD if he wants to see Caitlyn on Big Brother. JD said yes. He said he loves the show. He said he prefers Big Brother After Dark better than the produced show. He said there are a lot of boring parts in that though. Howard said he read the list of people on the Celebrity Big Brother and he's not sure if he cares. He said they have Kato Kaelin on there. JD said he's not into that. Howard said all he did was live on OJ's property. He said he was living in the house next to OJ. He said he's not sure why he's a celebrity.
Howard asked JD who else is on the show. JD said Dina Lohan is on. Howard said he's not that interested in seeing her unless she's fighting with her ex-husband. JD said Tom Green, Anthony Scaramucci, Lolo Jones, a former wrestler, Joey Lawrence, Ricky Williams, Candy Burdess from Real Housewives of Atlanta... Howard said he could listen to JD talk all day. Howard said they should get Les Moonves in there. JD said there's also Jonathan Bennett who was in Mean Girls. Howard said he can't believe better grade celebrities don't want to be on that show.
Howard said they should be able to score Caitlyn. He said that when he was Bruce Jenner he was making a ton of money. Howard said he likes when she backed republican candidates until she realized how uptight they are about transgender people. He was thinking she was a dummy. He said when he was Bruce Jenner he wasn't thinking about that. Robin said that she was shocked when she was told the republican's aren't into that transgender thing. Howard said that's why he wants her on Big Brother.
Howard said they could get Wendy and Beetlejuice to do a Big Brother thing. Robin said she wondered how they missed this all this time. She said she was thinking about having a Wack Pack coffee table book. Howard said he thought of that years ago. He wanted to go do some artsy pictures of them when he got into photography. Robin said he should do it. Howard said he thought better of it. He said he won't go into the reasons.
Howard said they can do a Slow Brother and have Asian Pete as their Julie Chen. He said he has to take another break. He said they can do a bunch of things after the break. He said he can start the Underdog embedded. He said he can get to some phony phone calls and things like that too. They went to break a short time later.
Howard asked Shuli about why she calls him Mr. Shuli and everyone else by their name. Shuli said she told him that it's because she thinks he's a real journalist.
Howard asked if Underdog knew that Chris is gay. Chris said there was no way he was going to tell her that. Chris said he asked her if she would ever make a costume for drag queens and she gave him a very serious ''Nooo.''
Howard said Shuli and Chris spent a day with Underdog, Suzanne Muldowney, to find out what she does during her day. He said she's been making costumes for years. He said she performs in parades and she's been doing that for decades. Shuli said that they have created categories just for her. Howard said she lives by herself and she makes those costumes at home.
Howard said they got to go into her home. Shuli said he's been there before but never inside. He said everything fell into place very easy and he was wondering why it happened. He said she was ready for this.
Howard said spending the day with her is very tricky. He said that Shuli laid out a plan for the day and it went horribly. Howard said maybe this is why Chris had to be there. Howard played a clip of Shuli asking Underdog to go to the laundry and then to Arby's. Underdog said they may not get back in time if they go to Arby's. She said they have to get the laundry out as soon as the drum stops turning. Howard said that no was like asking her to commit a murder. Shuli said they had to do most of the interview there at the laundry.
Howard said Shuli asked what kind of cereal Underdog ate and she refused to answer. She said that's something she thinks should be kept private. Underdog freaked out when a bee got into the car with them. Howard asked why cereal is so intimate. Shuli said he doesn't know. He said he didn't know he was crossing a line. Howard said his guess would be that she eats a children's cereal or something sugary and she's embarrassed by it. Robin asked if he thinks she still thinks that way. Howard said you never know. Howard said she has chocolate milk for breakfast too.
Howard said the guys had a lot of time to kill since they were at the laundry. Howard said they asked her about her life and they learned that she's very aware that she's getting older. Howard played a clip of Underdog saying she wants to be remembered for what she did when she dies. She said they may forget about her when she's gone. She wondered if they put her on Facebook and things like that. Shuli asked how old she is. Underdog said she'd rather not say. Shuli guessed she's 60. She said no. Shuli said she's like 67. Howard said she seems terrified or annoyed. He said those are her two emotions.
Howard said he didn't know she wanted to go for immortality. Robin asked why she doesn't put herself on these entities. Shuli said he talked to her about that. He said he had 35 minutes of conversation with her at the laundry.
Howard said they asked her what her biggest regret is. He played her answer which was her talking about how she hates that she was pushed into learning to drive. Underdog said her father pushed her into that. She said he was a big fault finder. She said that there are a lot of things she had to practice a lot more. Howard said imagine trying to teach her how to drive. Shuli did his impression of Underdog freaking out about not being able to find the turn signal and things like that.
Robin said they say that you don't regret what you did, you only regret what you didn't do. She said that Underdog proves that's not true. Chris said her biggest regret should be that she dressed up like a super hero for 60 years.
Howard played a clip of Shuli asking Underdog about her favorite church memory or story. Underdog talked about going to catholic school and the nuns were sadistic. She said they would whack people on the back of the neck with a stick. She said they would make you say thank you for that. Shuli said that was her favorite church memory. Howard said imagine that's your favorite memory. Shuli said she really hit herself on the back of the neck hard too. He said here were people looking at her.
Howard said she also started reliving a #MeToo moment. Howard played a clip of Chris asking her about what people did to her in her life. Underdog said that one of the teachers in college asked her to take notes and several students in the class came over to her and were rubbing her legs and reaching up her clothes. She said they scribbled on her notes and she had to start over again. She said she reported them to the dean. Shuli said this was a woman's college so it was all women doing that to her.
Howard said Fred has to stop jerking off over there. Fred said he was just thinking about that story. Shuli did more of his impression of underdog freaking out about being touched. Howard asked Shulidog about having a bad time in college. Shuli had her freaking out about that. Shuli said the entire drive home he and Chris were doing their impressions of her screaming.
Howard said Underdog is still upset about Jimmy Kimmel not having her on his show. Howard said he never said that he would have her on. Shuli said he may have said something. Chris said not according to her. Howard played a clip of Underdog talking about how Jimmy never followed through and had her on his show on Halloween. She said there should have been storms of protest.
Howard said she should have gone over to Fallon or Colbert. Shuli said he brought that up and she asked when Fallon is in New York. He told her every night and she started to freak out. Howard said he would bring her on James Corden's show. He said that he seems like a better fit.
Howard said after the laundry they went to the supermarket to get food for her to cook for them. Chris said he was freaking out about that. Shuli said they were nervous about eating her dinner. He said there's a part later that they won't spoil yet. Howard said one thing that set her off was Carol Burnett when she saw her on the cover of a magazine. Howard played a clip of Underdog saying she didn't like Carol's voice. She was goofing on her voice for the guys.
Howard said maybe Carol was too edgy for Underdog. Shuli said she may remind her of someone she doesn't like. He said there might be a back story there.
Howard said the guys were nervous about eating her cooking at her house. Robin said she wouldn't even be in her house. Howard said Shuli suggested they go to Arby's for dinner. He played a clip of Underdog talking about the cake and candies she got for them at home. Shuli said he would join her with a milk shake. She didn't want to share one with him. Howard said he's with her on that. Robin asked why she was thinking that they would. She said that she may have thought that there was something there. Shuli said it was like he asked her for a threesome.
Howard asked Chris what he had at Arby's. Chris said he loves Arby's. He said he had a roast beef and some curly fries. He said most of the people there were slow adults too. He said it must be a hang for them in that neighborhood.
Howard said that Chris asked Underdog about this figure jogging which is something Underdog came up with. She talked about that at dinner with Chris and Shuli. She said she had been doing it for decades.
Howard said they went back to her apartment after dinner. She had a hard time getting into the car. Howard played a clip of her freaking out as they were getting her buckled in. She was grunting and making all kinds of odd sounds. Shuli said it's like she's handling plutonium. Chris said it's like the Amazon jungle as she's making those noises. Fred played some sounds from the jungle. Shuli said he thinks it's bending and getting into the car that's hard for her. He said that she's also got anxiety. Chris said she seems to think that they're going to start driving before she's buckled in.
Howard said they should have asked her about gays to find out where she stands on that. They all did their Underdog freaking out impressions.
Howard said here was a second part to this whole day. Shuli said they had to go back to her place after that. He said the ending of this is wild. Howard asked when that's coming out. Shuli said it's up to Howard. Howard said he wants an installment every day. Howard said they'll immortalize her like she said she wants. Shuli sand Chris were doing their impressions of Underdog freaking out.
Howard asked if they know Sebastian Maniscalco. Shuli said sure he does. Howard said he's a very funny guy. Shuli said he saw him years ago opening for Dice. He said he remembers a bit he did back then and it was so fucking funny. Howard said he saw him at a charity benefit. He said he's such an asshole that he thought he had discovered the guy. He said Beth told him about this guy. He said he watched him online and he thought he had discovered the guy. He said he didn't know he was selling out Madison Square Garden. Shuli said he remembers him from back then. He said he knew he was brilliant from that moment. Howard said he thinks he struggled all along. Shuli said he did 9 sold out shows from the Beacon last year. He said he's hilarious.
Howard said he thought he discovered this guy and it turns out he's the last guy who hasn't discovered him. He said he should be a household name. He wasn't able to say his last name though. Howard said he also discovered this guy named Jerry Seinfeld. He said he feels really out of it when he doesn't know a guy that famous. Howard said imagine how big he'd be if you could say his name.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Shuli has to be the best dad ever with the patience he has. She said that hearing him talking to Underdog with that calmness has to make him good with the kids. Shuli said he has his breaking points. He said his kids are his kids. Howard said Johnny Carson was the biggest prick to his kids but he was great with kids on The Tonight Show. Howard said meanwhile at home he's ignoring his kids. Howard said the guy was a total cunt with his kids. Howard said you don't know how they are at home. He said Cosby was great with kids too but then he was drugging women.
Howard said John Wayne Gacy was good with kids. He said look at what he did. He said that people who appear to be good with kids may not be. Chris threw in Jerry Sandusky. Howard said don't be fooled by these maniacs. He said don't call in with that again. Robin said the people at NAMBLA love kids too. Fred played the old NAMBLA audio message they used to play years ago.
Howard said enough of that. He said you never hear from them anymore. Robin said they may have disbanded. Howard said stuff is never acceptable.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was amazing work from Chris and Shuli. Shuli said the part 2 is even better. The caller said he's been a fan of her since the channel 9 show. Howard said he hasn't seen her since that show. He said he's still keeping her name out there though.
Shuli said he did get a giggle out of her when he told her that Howard and Beth save cats. Howard said he's not sure who will get the cats when they split since that article seems to think they are going to. Howard said he might have to call Beth later to calm her down.
Howard said he has to go get ready for Sebastian. Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she loves Sebastian. She said that she has known about him for years. Howard let her go and Shuli and Chris were doing their Underdog freaking out impressions.
Howard asked Shuli to do his different ranges of Underdog freaking out. Shuli did the impression of her having a mild freak out and then her screaming. Howard said he has to take a break and then get to Sebastian Maniscalco. He almost said it right this time. Howard said he has to get to him after the break. Howard thanked Shuli and Chris for the amazing work on the Embedded thing. Robin asked for a description of her home but Shuli said that's what they'll get into tomorrow. Howard said after the break they'll have Sebastian Mxyzptlk in there. He was joking and said it's Sebastian Maniscalco. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he has Sebastian Maniscalco there. He said he discovered him like a month or two ago. Sebastian came in and Howard said he was just watching his Netflix special the other day. He said they did a great job with that special. Sebastian said it was really fun to do that. He said that you never know how it's going to go. He said it worked out. Howard asked how many times he had to tape that special. Sebastian said two times. He said he tries to just have the one work. He said he may take one or two jokes from the other one. He said he doesn't like to marry the two. Howard asked if they shot it on film. Sebastian said they did it at Radio City and he likes them to be special. He said he likes to get into the set design and all of that.
Howard said it can go wrong because look at the Eddie Murphy stuff from years ago. Sebastian said he wore tight jeans once and the guys from Chicago were calling and asking what he was wearing. He said everything was hanging out. Howard said that must be what happened to Eddie too. He said you can't try to look sexy. Sebastian said they have some idea that they think they're sexy. He said he did a special where he wore a tuxedo and he looked like a waiter. He said if you see that while flipping around you might stop and watch.
Howard said he's a very physical comedian. He said you have to see the facial expressions and all of that. Howard said Sebastian said when he started out in stand up he got Botox in his armpits to stop sweating so much. Sebastian said he gets anxiety and he gets drenched. He said he doesn't like that look. He said prior to going on stage he would sweat. He said he doesn't use deodorant. Howard asked if he's afraid of cancer. Sebastian said he would sweat right through it. He said he tried every one. He said it's so embarrassing. He said he'd be sweating down to his hip. He said he was wondering what was going on. He said he thought he was passing away.
Sebastian said he went to the doctor and he was told he has hyper hydrosis. He said he gave him some Botox and he shot him up in each armpit. Howard said that's like rat poison in there. Sebastian said he didn't look into the side effects. He said it did help. He said that he doesn't sweat out of his armpits but his ass gets wet now. He said it's damp down there. Howard asked if he's damp now. Sebastian said not now because he's relaxed.
Howard asked if he really gets ass sweat. Sebastian said his jeans will turn white around his crotch from it. Howard said they say that if you have something removed it just moves to another location. He asked if he's going to get Botox in his ass. Sebastian said he thinks he's done with that.
Howard said Dice Clay was Sebastian's mentor. He said he was big and there was no one bigger. He said Dice took Sebastian under his wing. Howard said he heard he pulled him aside and gave him some advice. He told him to stuff something down his pants to make his cock look bigger. Sebastian said he did. He said he was talking to this guy Dice who was huge and they would talk in the parking lot. He said Dice told him that it would work if he put a sack down his pants so he had a bulge. He said you don't mention it but you have this big cock. He said he was wondering if this would work. He said he didn't say anything back to Dice. He said he meets people like that and he doesn't talk much. He said he's quiet.
Howard asked if it's weird being on a movie set for him because he doesn't talk a lot. Sebastian said it's been that way since he was a child. He said he was a bit of a loner. Howard asked if he's on the spectrum. Sebastian said he doesn't think so but he sat alone in school.
Howard said he seems to have missed his rise to fame. He said dice also told him not to worry about tother people and stay focused on his own career. Sebastian said that's right. He said it's hard because you can get consumed with other people's careers. Howard said it's hard in stand up to be happy for a guy who is doing well. Sebastian said Dice told him all he has is his act and his material so just be patient and things will open up. He said he took that advice. He said he just gave him that advice and then he let him open up for him.
Sebastian said he was out in Las Vegas opening for Dice at the Stardust hotel. He said he was thinking they'd be hanging out and going out to hang out. He said that they went furniture shopping. Howard said he's a weirdo. Sebastian said they went to a furniture store and he was told to go lay on a couch. He said that they'd go shopping for carpeting too. Howard said maybe that's where he gets his material.
Howard said when you open up for a guy like Dice the audience is there for him. He said that it can fuck you up. He said they start screaming for Dice. Sebastian said they did that and it's a lot of testosterone. He said you have to win them over. He said he started doing it and he got more comfortable. He said that there was one time they were yelling stuff at him and he cut his act short and Dice got upset. He said that he had to do the full time no matter what was going on.
Howard asked what it means to bomb. Sebastian said it's like this internal heat and you feel like you're falling and trying to grab on to something. He said that it's the worst feeling. He said you have to be comfortable doing that if you're a comedian though. He said you just stay out there and get through it. Howard asked if he could win them over. Sebastian said he has done that but this one time he was in Reno and it was like he wasn't able to get it going. He said they were yelling and they were inaudible and you just hear this noise that doesn't make sense.
Howard said he sees how in command he is now and he's like this guy has so much confidence. Howard asked how many years he did it before he was totally confident on stage. Sebastian said maybe 8 or 9 years in. He said you have to do it for years before you can be comfortable. He said then you finally have a home. He said you can't let the audience know that you're dying. He said you're not funny if you're not in control anymore.
Howard asked if he ever wanted to quit the business. Sebastian said it was a bad night but then you go home and not sleep. He said then you want to get back on stage to get your confidence back. He said he doesn't like to let people down. He said that he wants the shot and he wants to deliver. He said he doesn't want to let anyone down. He said he takes it personally.
Howard said he would always lose his voice on the first day at radio stations. He said he would get over it and he had to do better. He said you can't explain it to anyone. He said it's a tortured life.
Howard asked if he's constantly writing. Sebastian said he doesn't actually write. He said he tells stories. He said he bounces them off his mom. He said that he will just retell stories on stage. He said he will tell a story about going to the zoo or something and he talks about seeing the Kangaroos and how there was no fence there and how the thing could hop right over. He said he wonders if they cut the hamstrings off the thing. He said those types of stories he'll just tell. He said he'll record it and play it back. Howard said Jerry Seinfeld writes everything down. Sebastian said he has sheets of paper with him. Howard said he will do a bit about the elemental chart and he'll have this reason for picking Boron as the one he mentions. Howard said he's doing a different thing. Sebastian said he tells stories and talks about relationships.
Howard said Sebastian took his dad to Italy and he told a story about that. Sebastian said his dad hadn't been back to Italy in 50 years. He said he had to take him after he had triple bypass surgery. He said he brought his dad to Italy and his dad was taking him around showing him where he grew up. He said he was getting all emotional and he was crying about it. He said his dad wasn't crying. He said his dad was looking at him like something was wrong with him. Sebastian said it was really a great trip. He said he's been back every year since then. He said his dad is like the mayor of the town now.
Howard said his dad has never done comedy but he knows everything. Sebastian said his dad is a hair stylist. He said he thought it was the coolest thing that his dad was bald with a pony tail. He said he thought he was so cool that he'd borrow his clothes at 15. He said he had red shoes that he'd borrow. He said he'd go visit his dad at work and get his hair cut there. Howard said he must have had some hair cut. Sebastian said he's looking back at the photos and he can't believe that he was a beautician. He said he didn't have good hair cuts. He said his dad made good money doing that. He said he is a funny guy too. He said the way he presented his comedy was in the chair. Sebastian said he started doing stand up and his dad would take notes.
Howard asked how he got into comedy. Sebastian said he was watching Johnny Carson and he was a big fan of John Ritter on Three's Company. He said he was always in the back observing people. Howard said he's sitting back there plotting his career while the other kids are learning. Howard asked if he grew up in Chicago. Sebastian said he did.
Howard asked about what he did in school to get prepared for this career. Sebastian said he once did a book report as Stevie Wonder. He said he did a modeling thing in a mall and did a dance to ''Eye of the Tiger.'' He said this was just getting in front of an audience. He said he was comfortable doing that in front of large audiences. He said he would go to the mall and do that and he was improving up there. He said he was like 8 or 9 doing that. He said his mom was very supportive of what he does. He said his family is supportive too but they also give him a hard time. He said his father was always on his ass about stuff. He said he doesn't want to be embarrassed so he would butt heads with him over his material. He said that he'd tell him he had better have new material. He said it's hard to come up with new stuff and stay fresh and current.
Howard said he saw him at that charity event. Sebastian said he didn't even know he was there. Howard said he snuck in and out of there. He said his wife turned him on to Sebastian. He said he was really funny and he didn't know how he didn't know this guy. Sebastian said he tried to get on the show about 11 years ago. He said Dr. Ellen McGrath was how he was going to do that. Howard said he knows her. Sebastian said Howard mentioned his name in regards to American Idol. He said that he mentioned his name and he got more response from that than anything he has ever done on the show. Howard said he did discover him in a way then. He said he felt like an old man when he thought he had discovered him. He said then Gary told him he sells out Madison Square Garden. Sebastian said he is kind of underground. He said his following is really strong though. Howard got his name right finally. He asked if he ever thought of changing that. Sebastian said his dad wasn't going to let that happen.
Howard said Arnold Schwarzenegger was a tough name that's great now. He said Maniscalco could be like that. Howard said he must burn through a lot of material in the special. He asked if he comes up with more. Sebastian said he works with that stuff and he kind of bleeds in the new stuff too. He said he doesn't shelve his stuff.
Howard asked how much he could do if he asked him. Sebastian said he could do maybe 5 hours and 40 minuses or so. Howard asked how you can be fully aware and present when you have that much going on. He asked if he is thinking about material now in there. Sebastian said he turns that off. He said he could go back and think about it later. He said he reflects on something like this instead of doing it in the moment.
Howard said he's really physical on stage. He said that has to be something you have to get used to. He said he does the weird faces on stage. Sebastian said that took years to peel that onion. He said he doesn't rehears that in a mirror or anything. Howard said that would be weird. Sebastian said he'll get a laugh and he'll do it again in another show. He said he doesn't want to be too physical. He said he's not Jerry Lewis.
Howard said Sebastian says that the world has changed because everyone with a computer is a critic. He said if you pay attention to that then you're screwed. Sebastian said he doesn't get into wars with people. Howard said he doesn't want to fight with people on their computers in their basement. Sebastian said he doesn't put anything online.
Howard asked if he's friends with other comedians. Sebastian said that there were a lot he grew up with. He said he came up with a bunch of guys who are doing well now. He said he had a little group with Brett Ernst and Pete Corealle and guys like that.
Howard asked when he got on the late night shows. Sebastian said that just started happening a few years ago. He said he goes on Fallon a lot. He said that his publicist got him in and he did stand up on the show. He said he did a whole week of press before. He said he went on Fallon and had his wife and about 10 people in the back with him. He said he goes out and does his set and he goes blank about a minute in. He said he went completely dark. Howard asked how that happens. Sebastian said he was doing really good and then he was like ''Uh... oh... um.'' He said he had so many things going through his head that he thought his career was done. He said he wanted to ask if he could start over again. Howard said his ass must have been soaking wet. Howard said he was already accomplished and he had done specials. Sebastian said yeah. Howard asked if it was because he was hanging out back stage and not being focused. Sebastian said yes. He said he felt like he was throwing a dinner party. He said he wasn't concentrating on his act. He said he knows it back and forth but he had to be honed in. He said he dropped the ball.
Howard said it has to be tough to do a short set like that. He said it's not natural. Sebastian said he needs time like a Souffle. He said that you need to get to know him. Howard said then he goes out and he bombs. Howard said when he would go do Letterman everyone wants to come with him. He said he would tell them to get the fuck out of his room. He said he wanted to be keyed into the room and stick to his agenda.
Sebastian said he saw Howard on Letterman on Netflix. He asked if he's nervous doing that. Howard said yes. He said he has too much to do. He said he was totally relaxed doing the Netflix show though. He said he had nothing to prove to Dave or the audience. He said he went out and just winged it. He said that totally relaxed him. He said he used to try to prove himself. Sebastian asked if he would go back and watch it. Howard said he would and it was too much responsibility.
Howard said it's not that much fun. Sebastian said he was pining over this Stern thing. He said it's the build up that does you in. He said then you sit down and it just happens and it all goes away.
Howard asked what happened on Fallon after he lost it. Sebastian said he came out of this state of whatever it was. He said he's doing Fallon this week and they're going to go over that clip. He said Fallon said they would edit it all out and no problem. He said in his head the whole night he was thinking about it. He said he had to see the show and how they edited it. He said you don't even know how great they edited it.
Howard said he would be so overwhelmed with the whole thing. Howard said he would be freaking out thinking what he did was horrible. He said he'd call and ask the producer how he was. He said he didn't believe it if they told him he was good. Sebastian asked if he goes to someone in his life he trusts. Howard said his agent doesn't bullshit him. He said Don will tell him the way it was. Howard asked who Sebastian has for that. Sebastian said he has a lot of people. He said if he thinks he did good they will say he did bad and vice versa. Howard said the one thing that helped him out is not thinking about what other people think. He said he's still got another 20 years of therapy before he's completely fixed when it comes to that.
Sebastian said his sister is listening today and she'll critique him after the show. He said she's a movie trailer editor. Howard said she has some credibility then.
Howard asked if he has to work in comedy clubs anymore. Sebastian said he'll go to a club to work stuff out. Howard asked how long it takes to work stuff out. Sebastian said it depends. He said he'll keep pounding it and pounding it and then he might lose it. He said some stuff just doesn't work. Howard said he'd like to read a book about the stuff he thought would work and it didn't. Sebastian said that's a great idea.
Sebastian said he was doing a weekend at Gotham Comedy Club and he was told Jerry Seinfeld wanted to come in and work some stuff out. Sebastian said he was doing that and Jerry did his thing and then he went on. He said they were there to see him and he was wondering how he was going to segue from Seinfeld into his act. He said that's really hard to do. He said that they're still on cloud 9 over Seinfeld. Howard asked what Jerry was even doing there. He said he's still doing stand up. Sebastian said he loves it. He said that's why he does it too. He said Jerry was working out his stuff. Sebastian said Jerry wore a scarf on stage. He said he had it tied in a certain way. Howard said he made up the way he ties his. Sebastian said that Seinfeld was performing in a scarf for 3 minutes. He said he went up and said you have to be so confident to do an act in a scarf. He said Jerry was back there watching his act. He didn't know that at the time. He said he knew he might be in the room but he wasn't nervous at all. He said that he found out that Seinfeld stayed for 40 minutes and he sent his wife the next night. He said that Seinfeld had gone to do a gig somewhere else. He said he ended up getting a call from Jerry.
Howard said he's not really part of the celebrity scene. Howard asked how it is on the marriage being on the road so much. Sebastian said it's great. He said they come out and see him out on the road. He said it's nice to take some time away. He said that things are going really well. He said that they've been together for 10 years.
Howard asked what happened with Seinfeld. Sebastian said that 3 months later they saw each other again and they end up going out do dinner in L.A. He said that he went out with Jerry and a friend of his. He said he was a writer on his show. He said he forgets his name. He said he got fixated on the pay. He said Jerry was already there and in a seat. He said he gets there and he likes to pay normally. He said Seinfeld has a lot of money though. Howard said Jerry has a lot more than Sebastian does. He said he has a palace. Sebastian said he's not sure if he ordered a $16,000 bottle of wine or something so he didn't want to give his credit card number ahead of time. Howard said Robin knows about that. She ordered an $800 bottle of wine. Sebastian said Jerry gave him the wine list and he knew he was paying then. He said if you get the wine list you know you're paying. He said he was looking at the list and he wasn't sure what to get. He said he was only able to think about who was going to pay.
Sebastian said after dinner the bill never came. He said Jerry had taken care of it. He said he didn't see it come to the table. He said after they became friends he asked Jerry what he does. He said Jerry takes care of it all before they even sit down. He said it's all just taken care of. Sebastian said he has to do that. He said it eliminates all of those issues. Howard said every time he goes to dinner with him he picks up the bill. He said he's being serious about that. He said he's a little offended by that. He said he must make enough that he won't call ahead. He said he wouldn't mind that.
Howard said he and Beth will go out for dinner and she'll always pick their side if they said they picked it up the last 3 times even if they didn't. He said he just picks it up and wonders when they'll buy him dinner.
Howard said Jerry ends up calling Sebastian to be on Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. Sebastian said he did and he figured he had made it as a comedian after that. He said they go out in a 69 Camaro and they went out to get wine and cheese. He said that this was early on in their relationship. He said they were just learning about each other and things are going great. He said they just did another one in New York on scooters. Howard said he knows Jerry if very high on him. He said he did that charity event and all of that.
Howard asked how the Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee went. Sebastian said that it hasn't come out yet.
Howard said he has a new stand up special on Netflix. Howard said you can find out more about his upcoming dates on SebastianLive.com. He has a book out too. He said he didn't know that. Howard said the book is ''Stay Hungry.''
Howard asked Sebastian about doing shows in the round and how that works when he's so physical. Sebastian said they have a screen there. He said they get the full facial expression. He said it's really pronounced on the screen.
Howard said when he was coming up he was in college and did a comedy contest of some sort. He said that the prize was opening up for a headliner coming to the school. Howard asked why he went to college. Sebastian said it's just one of those things you do. He said he didn't have any hobbies and his parents were worried about him. He said they didn't know where he was going. He said he wasn't getting good grades in college. He said he wasn't doing well at all. He said he was going to class and he was still failing. He said he had no friends and he was dying.
Sebastian said he had a roommate who would walk around naked all the time. He said he had to get out of there. He said his parents wanted him it finish school and then he could go do whatever he wanted to. He said that he wanted to be an accountant and that didn't work out. He said he ended up graduating and went into the work force. He said he went to career day and he wore a silver wedding suit to the job interview. He said he didn't know.
Howard asked where he did this comedy contest. Sebastian said he did it in college and he ended up getting picked. He said he had material at the time. He said he went out on stage and started doing his act when he was opening for this big time comedian. He said he forgets who the guy was. He said that he was getting heckled and they're saying ''Sandman.'' He said he didn't know what that meant. He said it means that they're supposed to drag you off stage. That's what they do at the Apollo. Sebastian said his parents were there and it wasn't good. He said he knew that he liked it though. Sebastian said he was at a club doing a show at a club called Hilarities and it turns out that he was there with the guy he opened up for at that event. He said this time the guy was opening up for him.
Howard asked what else he did for work. Sebastian said he was waiting tables for 7 years. He said he was doing that while doing stand up. He said he didn't put 120 percent into his work as a waiter. He said he would do it differently now. He said he would get excited when celebrities would come in. He said a lot did where he was working. He said that Sean Penn came in and ordered tuna rolls. He said he kept his distance and didn't say much. He said Conan came in once and he thought about telling him he's a comedian but he didn't do it.
Howard asked if women try to bang you when you're the waiter. Sebastian said they weren't looking for the waiter. Howard asked if he was a waiter who could remember the whole order or did he have to write it down. Sebastian said he had to write it down if it was more than one person. Howard said he can't stand it when they don't write it down and memorize it.
Howard asked if he had anyone come on to him as a waiter. Sebastian said he had one guy tell him he had great legs. He said that he had a great time while he was there but it was stressful.
Howard said you have to see Sebastian Maniscalco if you have never seen him. Robin said Howard just introduced him to her. Howard said she's always on top of her game. Howard said he just saw this new Netflix special and it comes out today. He said that it's really good.
Howard said Sebastian will be at Madison Square Garden. He said he's friends with Jerry Seinfeld and he knew that he had to laugh when Jerry had him on stage with him. Howard said Jerry and his wife are lovely people. Sebastian asked if they hang. Howard said they do but Jerry never mentions Sebastian to him. Sebastian asked how he hangs if he doesn't go out a lot. He asked if his wife is the social one. Howard said she is. He said she tells him he can't stay in the house all day. He said this doesn't mean his marriage is ending.
Howard said it's too much work going out. He said he is able to go out and be in the moment after having so much therapy. He said that he fells bad if people aren't having a good time. He said he feels like he has to entertain. Sebastian asked if he likes to host parties. Howard said sure. He said they have people over. He said he has to learn to loosen up. Sebastian said he feels like it's a pep talk for him. Howard said it is. He said they love each other though.
Howard said Sebastian is in a couple of movies. He's in Green Book. Sebastian said he is and it's winning some awards. He said he wasn't invited to the Golden Globes though. He said his dad thinks he should be there even though he wasn't invited.
Howard asked if he had to audition. Sebastian said he did. He said that's new to him. He said he's playing the Italian Guy. He said he's also going to be in The Irishman. He said that he was asked to send in a tape or fly to New York and audition in the room. He said he had to do that for a Scorsese movie. He said he was told it looked good for him. He said he just had to hear that and he thought he was done. He said they jinx it for him. He said he will mess it up if they tell him that. He said they were working him for a half hour. He said he had to do it over on tape because he wasn't consistent in the audition. He said he had to do the second one and he sent it in and he liked it for another part. He said he got the role and he was acting with De Niro and Pesci on his first day. He said talk about ass sweat. Howard asked if they were gracious enough to tell him to relax. Sebastian said that De Niro walked up to him saying he heard he's doing good things. He said Pesci was very sweet too. Howard said he can't imagine a more harrowing thing than to act with De Niro and Pesci on his first day. Sebastian said he lives in fear. He said he thinks he could get fired at any minute. Howard said he heard that his parents told him not to get fired. He said like he doesn't know that.
Howard asked if it's a big scene for him. Sebastian said it is. He said he's going head to head with De Niro. He said the movie will be out this year. Howard said he has to see this. He said he hasn't seen any of this yet so he has no idea how it's going to go. He said he was doing his lines over and over and he was trying to stay in the moment. He said that sometimes they go off script and he doesn't know where to go. He said if you're a good actor you can handle that. Howard said he was told to stick to the lines in his movie. He said you can't go off script.
Howard said he loves when he talks about MMA guys in his act. Sebastian did some of his material about that.
Howard said Al Pacino and Harvey Keitel are also in this movie. Sebastian said he can't wait to see it. He said he was in the dressing room and Pesci's guy tells him Joe wants to see him. He said he went to his room and he gave him some tips on acting and things like that. He said he took the time out to do this. He said it was kind of mellow and relaxed. He said he didn't hear a lot of what he was saying because he was just thinking about how he was in Pesci's trailer getting lessons.
Howard asked what it was like working with Scorsese. Sebastian said Mr. Scorsese was very good. Howard asked if his wife worries that he's getting too famous. Sebastian said he's 45 and he's not going anywhere. Howard said his ass sweats too so he's not going anywhere.
Sebastian said the movie was a big role for him and it was a big moment. He said he wore a wig so Mr. Scorsese had to take a look at it. He said he went to talk to Marty and he was in his office. He said that he thanked him for having him on the movie. He said Marty starts going into movies that he didn't know about. He said he can't relate. Howard said if he was into movies he'd be able to bond with him. Sebastian said he was trying to get off the movie thing. They eventually talked about how he should just be patient with them and they'll get to work. Sebastian said there was nothing about his wig in that meeting.
Sebastian said he went to do this scene where he's going to break some glass. He said he knows there's a stunt guy but Scorsese is telling him about going through the glass. He said he thought he wanted him to do it instead of the stunt guy. He said he was going to do it if Scorsese tells him to go through glass. Sebastian said one of the DPs tells him that he's not going to do the glass thing. He said that he hasn't seen the movie yet but it's going to air on Netflix. Howard said that's something. He said that he's Mr. Movie Star. He said maybe he'll get an award or something. Howard said that's called The Irishman. He said he's done a few movies. Sebastian said he's had a few bit parts in some movies. He said he was in Tag. He said he gets on set and they've been working for a month together and he comes in and has to try to become friends quickly. He said he's not good at starting the conversation. He said he's the one listening and not starting the conversation.
Howard said he's a big fan and he's happy he came in. Howard said they have a tape of him butchering his name from 2010. Howard said he evidently did talk about him. Howard played the tape of himself fucking up that last name. Howard said he was pretty funny.
Howard said he should have had him on back then. Howard said he blames Gary for that. He asked Gary what happened there. Sebastian said that one mention had him getting calls from cousins he hadn't heard from in years. Howard started to wrap up and gave Sebastian some plugs for his Netflix special and some other things. They went to break after Howard wrapped up.
Howard came back and did a live commercial read and then said it was very nice to meet Sebastian. Robin thanked him for introducing her to him.
Howard said King of All Blacks is on the phone but people are slamming him. He said he has to get the email about him. He said maybe it's better he doesn't read it. He said King won't be able to handle it. Howard said the Ebola virus gets better feedback. He asked King what he has to say. Howard said next thing you know the Enquirer is going to have an article about him bullying a black listener. King said that Howard named him. Robin said he named himself.
King said they have a new TV coming out that's 200 inches. He said the new technology is OLED. He said his friend had a new 65 inch TV and it was a Samsung and when you look to the sides the screen goes black. He said he asked what he paid for it and it as $500 on sale. He was laughing at that. Gary said Samsung is a good TV. Howard asked if King is putting it down. King said they make TVs for everyone. He said they're like Mercedes now. King said a 65 inch TV for $500 it has to be shit. He said he's putting his friend down. Howard hung up on him. Robin said she's not sure where they are. Howard said he's so materialistic. Gary said there are more expensive models. He said he's putting his friend down for getting a deal on a TV. Howard asked why he would call in with that. Robin said they must all be able to relate. Howard said he thinks he had another topic and he forgot about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said there's a lot of attention being paid to his comments about the wall. Howard said he knows. The caller said he has some really bad data and he's not sure where he's getting it. Howard asked where he's getting his data. The caller said that he has time to look into it because he's retired. Howard said he heard from an engineer who said that he's right about the amount of money that it's going to cost to build that whole wall. The caller said Trump isn't looking to build the wall for 5 billion. He said it's going to cost between 12 and 22 billion. He said the department of Homeland Security wants to build it. Howard said lets build the wall then. He said he wants it between him and this caller. The caller said there is already 700 miles of wall and they have to do 1900 miles of a wall. Howard said he has to get out of this. He said he doesn't give a fuck. He said he just thinks it's a bad idea. The caller said there are a lot of people who listen to him. Howard said stop listening. He said he's close to banning this guy from listening. Howard spent a little more time talking to the guy about his thoughts on the wall. He said he doesn't think personally that the wall is necessary.
Howard gave his side of the argument and Frank was still arguing. Howard said build the wall so he can visit it and bang his head against it. Howard said that he's just a guy who tells jokes about vaginas and penises. He said don't quote him on any of this. He finally hung up on the guy. He said stop with the fucking wall. He said the tunnel between New York and New Jersey is about to collapse but go spend that money on the wall.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said Howard got him off track. He brought up the wall but Howard said he's done talking about the wall. He asked who cares what he thinks about the wall. King said the thing with his wife... Howard said he has no thing with his wife. He said he was joking. He said then the article comes out about how they're going to divorce. King said get her on the phone so he can ask her something. Howard told Gary to see if she wants to come on the air. Gary gave her a call to find out. Howard said ask David Pecker and Karen how they're doing. King said he has a question for her. Howard asked what it is. He said he has to screen that question first. King said Howard says he's not negative. He said that's just how he is. King said she think that he's walking around negative. Howard said she just made one quick comment and they went on with the rest of their day. Howard said now he has to deal with this article. He said they spend all day with that nonsense. Gary said he got Beth's voicemail and he texted her. Howard said maybe she'll call in.
Robin started her news with a story about a cruise with the Flat Earth international conference. Howard said they must be afraid of falling off the edge. Robin wondered why you wouldn't start a vacation place at the edge of the earth. Robin said she was wondering if anyone has asked how you end up back there if you head east. Howard said they have an answer for that. Robin said they're having a big conference on a cruise ship in 2020. Howard said Memet went to a flat earth meeting and they think we're surrounded by ice. He said they just make shit up and they believe it. He said it's not based on science.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she doesn't understand flat earthers. She said that they love science when it's good for them. She said that the man who told him his data is wrong about the wall was wrong. Howard said they've both read stuff and it depends on what you believe. He said they've both read bullshit. The caller said she was in a border state for 40 years and she called her dad who was a border agent. She said that he told her that he had no idea what Trump was talking about when he said what he said about the people crossing the border. Howard said he has to get out of this conversation. He thanked her for the call.
Robin read a story about Chris Pratt getting engaged to Katherine Schwarzenegger. Robin said he just wrapped up his divorce with Anna Farris last year. Robin said now he's dating Arnold's daughter. Howard said he's really religious but he has no problem getting a divorce apparently. Jason said he's following some diet from the bible right now. Robin said Katherine is the grand niece of John F. Kennedy.
Robin read a story about how they lost Carol Channing. Robin said she passed away at the age of 97. Howard said he saw her in some play on Broadway. Robin said she was in Hello Dolly on Broadway but she got replaced for the movie version. Robin said she actually won the Tony that year over Barbra Streisand. Robin read some other details about Carol's carer. She had some audio for Howard to play too.
Robin read a story about Trump saying that he won't ever give up on his border wall. Robin had some details about what he was saying about that.
Robin said a new report says that Americans are more likely to die from an opium overdose over a car crash now. Robin had more details on that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump denying that he has ever worked for Russia after the FBI says they opened up an investigation after he fired James Comey. Howard asked what Comey is doing after being fired.
Robin read a story about this guy who kidnapped a 13 year old girl, Jayme Closs, and killed her parents. Robin said that this guy saw her get off a school bus and he knew she was the one he was going to take. Robin said he studied the movements of her parents and ended up shooting her parents and kidnapped the girl. Robin said he was in court yesterday and his bail is set at $5 million.
Robin read a story about the government shutdown and how the Coast Guard should be getting paid today. Robin said 40,000 members won't be getting paid today. Robin said this is the 10th anniversary of the US Air jet that landed in the Hudson river. Robin said that's the kind of stuff the Coast guard does. She said now these guys aren't getting paid. She said the TSA absentee rate is up to 7 percent now so lines are getting longer at airports. She said that one family had something amazing happen once the shutdown was announced. Robin said this family won the Virginia lottery just as they were about to be out of money and jobs. Robin said every once in a while something like that happens.
Howard asked if High Pitch Erik is still getting his money with this shutdown going on. Howard had him on the phone so he asked Erik if he is. Erik said he is still getting his disability. He said the food stamps after February he won't be getting any. Gary said they say that they passed a special bill that will keep the food stamps going. Howard said it's ridiculous that these people are being used in this shutdown.
Erik asked if Shuli told him what he's doing on Thursday. Howard said he did not. Erik said he's going to the pot dispensary. Robin asked where that is. Erik said it's in Queens. He said he's getting a refill on his vapes. Howard said it's amazing how he thinks he has a better life than he does. He said he has money for weed and drivers. He said he's going out with Shuli for a fun day. Gary said Erik is getting paid but not the Coast Guard. Gary said Jeff the Drunk is going to Florida on a 2 week vacation to ''relax.'' Robin asked how he could be more relaxed. He doesn't do anything.
Howard had Jeff on the phone so he picked up on him. He asked where he gets the money from that. Jeff said a fan is paying for it. Howard said you have to be a huge fan to want Jeff in your life for 2 weeks. Robin said this is why they need a coffee table book. Jeff asked if Howard is going to be in Florida in the next 2 weeks. Howard just hung up and said ''Yeah, that's going to happen.''
Robin got back to the news and read about how Cher is upset with Nancy Pelosi and tweeted last week that she's not happy with either side of this whole wall thing. Robin said she feels the same way. She said that she's not for or against. Howard said it is though. He said that one side says they're not going to pay for the fucking wall and the other side has shut down the government over it. Howard asked what Cher suggests they do. Robin said she's telling them that everyone is a culprit in this shutdown. Robin said they're not working together to stop it. Robin said this is like the child who owns the ball taking it and going home so they can't finish the game. Robin said when you have a kid in charge you have to deal with a kid. She said other people will lose their livelihood over this. Fred played her news theme while she was on her soap box.
Robin read a story about Rand Paul going to Canada for surgery. Robin said he's against social medicine but he's going to get hernia surgery in Canada. Robin asked why that is. Robin said he will pay for it out of pocket. She said he's going up to Canada for it though. Robin said this had to do with the guy who attacked him while he was mowing his lawn. Robin asked what's wrong with health care here in the United States that he has to go up there to get it done.
Howard took a call from fake Cardi B who was upset with Robin for not giving her political thoughts like she did with Cher. She had a few things to talk about. Howard stuck with it for a minute before letting fake Cardi go.
Robin read a story about a person in the house of representatives, Steve King, who said he doesn't understand why white supremacy and white nationalism is considered offensive. Robin said that Mitt Romney said he should step down after making such racist remarks. Robin had some audio of Mitt talking about that. Robin said King was stripped of his committee chair title.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression talking about Carol Channing's death. He had a lot of details about her career and went on and on rambling with facts about her. Howard asked if he would bring a Carol Channing album to a desert island. Sour Gary was going on and on playing music and doing a Carol Channing impression.
Howard let Sour go and took a call from Jeff the Drunk who was asking about him being in Florida again. Howard said that's never going to happen. He said just tell him where he'll be and he'll make all of the arrangements. He said he doesn't want Jeff within 5 miles of him. Jeff said he's going to be in Key Largo. Howard said have a good time there. He said go visit David Pecker. He said he's never going to get together with Jeff. He said he's not being a snob. He said maybe he is actually.
Robin read a story about some siblings in California who were chained to their beds for 13 years. Robin said they are trying to have a normal life now. Robin had some audio of someone talking about what those kids are up to now. Robin said they were locked up all those years and no one ever saw them.
Robin read a story about Woody Allen. Robin said while they were on vacation a story came out about Woody. She said this girl came out and said that she had an affair with Woody when she was in high school and he was 41 years old. Robin said that she was the inspiration for one of his movies. Robin said this girl was in high school and Woody was 41 so she wasn't legal until later that year. Robin said they only met in his apartment and things got physical there. Robin said this girl thought she was in a great relationship but she found out she wasn't the only teenager he was dating at the time. Robin said the most disturbing thing about this article was that one day Woody came to her asking her to come meet his girlfriend when she thought she was his girlfriend. She was introduced to Mia Farrow. Robin said they claim that Woody had a lot of threesomes and some may have been with Mia. Howard asked what Mia says about that. Robin said she doesn't have anything from her.
Robin read a story about how Charlie Sheen has been one year sober. She had some audio of Charlie talking to someone about that. He said it had to be done. He said he's feeling good.
Robin read a story about Mike The Situation Sorrentino will be checking himself into prison for an 8 month stay after he was charged with tax evasion. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about how the life of the party is there. He said it's Howard Stern. Robin asked if he's working on his attitude. Howard said not today. Robin said she saw that this morning. Howard said that's the look he walks around with. He said he had a tough night but not with his marriage. He said we're all going to die. He said wake up. He said we're all going to die. Robin said everyone does. Howard said you don't expect to die. He said he feels like he's not supposed to get ill. He said he's not sure how he was thinking that. Robin said it's a trick of the mind. She said in high school you knew the year 2020 was coming but you think that you can never be that age when you calculate it. She said she's not sure what she expected to happen. She said she could never be 40 something.
Howard said he loves that Rob Zombie. He said Rob loves him too. He said that he's a very even keeled guy. He said he has that freak flag going but he's a level headed guy. He said he created all of this music. He said he has a nice life and he seems like a happy guy. He said he loves animals and he directs movies. Robin said he can write music and get it published too. Robin said here are some who can't make that happen.
Howard said he and Fred and Mark Ronson are in the studio. He said that they're going through their process. He said they're on a track that Fred wrote. Robin asked about the song Shallows that's out now. Howard said bring that out. Howard said Mark has done a bunch of popular songs. He said that he heard this song last night. He said it's good. He said Eli Braden is on this track with this woman who sings about wanting to get nude and go lesbo with Robin. Howard played the whole song. Howard said that is someone famous. He said her name is Jackie Tohn from the show ''Glow.'' Howard said Fred is tearing up over it now. Robin said he's chopping an onion.
Howard said everyone loves that song. Robin said it's a beautiful Robin song. Howard said you know a guy wrote that song. He said she had a lovely voice like Robin. He said she's like an angel. Robin said she tries her best.
Howard said he thinks that's the first Robin song she's ever liked. Robin said it was a home run. She said it's funny. Howard said he listened to it 4 times because he liked it so much. Robin called it a masterpiece. She said now Eli can retire. Howard said not in her lifetime.
Howard said they've been up to some phony phone calls. He said they played that NAMBLA message the other day. He said they heard about it back at WNBC. Howard said that's the North American Man Boy Love Association. Howard said when you hear this guy the creepiness really oozes.
Howard played the message that they've had for many years. Howard said they used the NAMBLA guy and called a religious show to see what happens. Howard played the call the guys made to this show and they had clips of the NAMBLA guy telling the show what they were about. One of the hosts was freaking out and telling them to cut the call. They didn't know how to do it. They told the caller to get off the phone. They were yelling at him but the guys kept playing clips of the NAMBLA guy.
Howard said he loves that they can't hang up the phone on that guy. Robin said they can never get rid of the call. Robin asked why the guy was screaming. Howard said if he hadn't caught on they would have been on a long time. Howard said the phone screener went to the bathroom from that the guys are saying. He said why not have the phone screener on the air.
Howard said Mark the Bagger is a guy who came on the show around 2006. He said he's not sure how long that is. Robin said it's 2019 now. Robin said it's been 13 years. Howard asked how she got to that. Robin did the math for Howard. Howard did his own math and took the long way to get to 13 years.
Shuli came in and Howard said he was a big hit with the Underdog stuff. He said they may get to part 2 of that today. He said you'll have to stay tuned. Howard read some email about that Embedded thing they did yesterday. Howard said that she reminds him of Tiny Tim a little bit. Shuli said exactly. He said he was fascinating talking about his life. Robin said he was great on the show.
Howard read more email about Shuli being on the show. Shuli said he still gets hate too. He said he gets it on Twitter. He said some people just hate you no matter what. He said they say his impressions suck. Howard said they're great. Shuli did some of his impression of her freaking out about putting her seat belt on. Howard said that's great. He read more email about how great the embedded was. Shuli said he worked at a summer camp like Howard did. He said that helped him get ready for this. Howard said he had a bunk of Brad Pitts in his camp. He said he got the cool bunk. Shuli told him about a guy he had that would run around during the day with a flashlight strapped to his head.
Howard said he had unit 5 in his camp and he got to take out 40 kids on a bus the next year. He said that was an honor. Howard said the popular kids knew they were popular. He said he was the bad guy and he didn't elect to be it but he filled the vacuum. He said the kids were so popular that they caught this counselor smoking weed with the other kids. He said he had to turn the guy in. He said you don't do that stuff with kids. He said the kids were in his care so he can't live with himself if something happens. He said 13 is very young. He said who knows what else the guy wanted to do with them. Howard said he's not sure he was even the one who turned the guy in. He said they had another time they had to kick a guy off the trip because he was messing around. Howard said he didn't even fire Sal for masturbating at work. He said he lets people get away with stuff. Howard said he didn't let them get away with it back then. Howard said Sal is an idiot. He said Sal said the guy shouldn't have walked in on him.
Howard said these 13 year old kids were really popular so they had girls who wanted them. He said they had to keep an eye on them. He said they started to think they were adults because the adults wanted to hang out with them. Howard said he just wanted to keep an eye on the kids and then get laid at night. He said he was 18. He said he thought he was cool with long hair. He said he was in a band. Robin said he looks cool but he wasn't. Howard said they thought he was a heroin addict. He said he'd stand outside and listen to them talking about him.
Howard said his boss said he was the one who was going to go with him on the cross country trip. He said he was getting a bit old after that so he had to stop doing that. He said he would tell all of the kids he was going to be a famous radio DJ. He said there was no evidence that it was going to happen though. He said there was a microphone on the bus and he would do radio type shows into the microphone. He said he's not sure if they liked them. He said he was an arrogant little asshole. He said he had no ability to do anything he said he was going to do. He said he didn't have a show and he had never done one at that time. He said he would go to the college radio station in college. He said Dr. Lou was with him back then. He said Lou would get laid no problem because he was a good looking guy and he was going to be a doctor. Howard said wouldn't even hang out with himself. He said that he has a horrible personality. Robin said he doesn't but he doesn't show it. She said he keeps it inside. Howard said he just knew he was going to be on radio. He said he wasn't having a pleasant life.
Howard said he had a weird life. He said he would get super good looking girls but then he'd lose them. He said he'd be walking around and he had a cool scene going with the cigarettes and long hair. He said they probably thought he was a rebel. He said they had to be into a freaky look to be into him. Robin said he was like an outlier. Howard said he had like $5 worth of weed with him. He said that he'd tell them to smoke as much as they want. He said he didn't have much with him. Howard said his dad gave him $100 a month to get by in college. He said he had cigarettes and weed. Robin said he's like Jeff the Drunk. Shuli said Bigfoot does that with his weed. He gets his $96 a month and gets weed.
Howard said he has an update on Bigfoot too. Shuli said he heard that he wasn't looking good up there in Vermont. He said he hadn't heard from him in weeks. He said he finally got a hold of him.
Howard said he was going to do a coffee table book about the Wack Packers and he realized how much work it was going to be and decided not to do it.
Howard said Bigfoot had some squatters in his apartment and he wasn't able to throw them out. He said they became friends. He said they are Heather and Lucian. Howard said Shuli got an update and found out one of the squatters died in his bathroom. Heather passed away in the bathroom. Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Bigfoot about her dying in there. Bigfoot said he's not sure how she died. Shuli asked if she was Lucian's girlfriend. Bigfoot said yes. Lucian is still living there. Howard said he likes that she died but he doesn't know how.
Howard said he must be losing his hearing. He kept saying ''Huh?'' Shuli said he just has his TV turned up loud. He said Underdog has her's up loud too. Howard wondered what she's watching. Shuli said she likes to watch a lot of family shows. She likes Family Feud but they're getting kind of fresh lately so she's upset about that. Shuli did more of his impression of Underdog for Howard.
Howard said this woman died in his apartment and his holiday season was devoid of joy. Shuli asked Bigfoot what he did this holiday season. Bigfoot said he did nothing and he's doing nothing now. Howard asked if he just sits there all day. Shuli said he thinks so. He said when he doesn't get his weed he's very short on the phone. He said he has to go to the church to get food to eat.
Howard said Bigfoot said basically the same thing during the summer. He played another clip of Bigfoot telling Shuli about how he did nothing over the summer. He had nothing going on that day either. Shuli asked if he needs to go and Bigfoot said yeah but he wasn't doing much of anything. Robin said these updates are terrible.
Howard said he might be jealous of Bigfoot. He said he doesn't do anything. He said he's like a tree. Howard did his impression of Bigfoot answering with ''Huh?'' and talking about doing nothing.
Howard said he looks at his cats and wonders what they're thinking. He said it must be similar to what Bigfoot is thinking. He said the cats just sit around on the couch. Shuli said he gets jealous of the cats. He said they have it good. Robin said she wants to come back as a cat. Howard said they can put cats to sleep when they're suffering too. He said they have it made.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's interesting that he was the authority figure back in camp but he can't do it now. Howard said it's kind of different. He said that it was the welfare of children back then. He said with the guys at work it's weird. He said you hire them for their weirdness and then when they're weird you have to fire them. Robin said back in Washington DC they had a sports guy who came into her office crying and Howard said they can work with that. Howard said it gets even darker than that.
Howard said he is a boss figure there. He said the guys there give him a lot of respect. He said even Benjy behaves off the air. He said they'd have to throw him out if he didn't. Howard said he was an unpopular guy at camp because he was the voice of reason. He said they would tell their parents that he was mean. Robin said he made sure they had a good summer. Howard said he almost got kicked out because his boss caught him fucking girls in his tent. He said he fucked a couple of the counselors. He said he was told he can't do that in his tent. He asked if he could do it in their tent instead.
Howard said this was after hours off campus. He said he's still friends with that guy too. Shuli asked about the parents coming over and tipping them. Howard said they would do that but he was the mean one so they wouldn't tip him. He said that he was the one making sure they were okay. He said he got good evaluations from the company he worked for. He said that he understood how to do that whole thing. Robin said she's sure he was in touch with what it was like to be 13. Howard said he was. He said he felt bad for the kids who weren't popular. He said he remembers their parents would tip him because he was making sure they were having fun.
Howard said he thought the kids would think he was cool with the look he had. He said he had nothing else going on. He said he just looked like a rock star. Robin asked why he didn't think about carrying something in a guitar case. Howard said he was like Freddie Mercury without the singing.
Howard said God has a dark sense of humor. He said he had a big penis. Robin asked why every guy has the same reaction to a big cock. She said every guy loves having a big cock. Shuli said that's all they've got. Howard said that's what Mark has. He said he has a funny voice but he has a big cock. He said he could really do something with that if he had it.
Howard said he has a clip of Mark talking about jerking off on his carpet at home. He doesn't finish in a tissue. He played the clip and Mark said he just finishes on the carpet. He said it dries up.
Howard said you could probably cut your foot on his carpet. He said it must turn into a diamond or something. Robin said she doesn't think there's any pressure there to turn it into a diamond.
Howard said during his last appearance in 2016 he revealed he had moved out of his mother's house. He said this is where Shuli stepped in. He said he lives in a 2 story house that's divided into dorms almost. He said they're 15x15 feet. He said he isn't bagging groceries now. He said he has an SSI check. He said he pays $560 a month for that apartment. Robin asked if it has a door. Shuli said it does.
Howard played a clip of Shuli asking Mark where he has jerked off in that apartment. Mark said he has done it on the couch and on the floor. Howard said that's weird that he won't clean it up. Shuli said this guy he hangs out with told him that Mark was in his kitchen beating off one day when he came home. Howard said he would zip up if he heard someone coming home. Howard asked if Shuli sat down at all there. Shuli said no way. He said he kept his hands in his pockets too. He said the building didn't even have a nice smell.
Howard said Mark was bothering his neighbors at the building. He said they have just one shower so they were upset with him spending so much time in there. Howard played a clip of Mark talking to Shuli about that. Mark said he'd take a half hour in the shower. Howard said that's fascinating.
Howard asked if he talked to any of the roommates. Shuli said none of them wanted to talk to them. He said they weren't coming out to talk to him at all.
Howard said Mark cooks for himself but he doesn't have a stove. He said he can only cook in a microwave. Mark talked about having waffles and Pop-Tarts. He said he can cook hot dogs and pizza in his microwave. He said he has ham and cheese sandwiches too. Shuli found out that he buys dollar store steak and microwaves it.
Howard said that sounds like JD's diet. Robin asked if he ever goes home to mom for a nice meal. Howard said Mark spends time at the bar. He said that he and his manager Anthony go to the bar. He said they went with Shuli to the bar. Howard had some audio of Mark talking about his sex life and talking about how he lost his virginity at 21 in a McDonald's dumpster. Howard played that clip. Howard said he thinks JD lost his virginity like that but at a Wendy's.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that blood on sheets is a sure sign of bed bugs. Shuli had mentioned that he saw blood on the sheets in Mark's apartment earlier. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard said Mark revealed that he has slept with a black woman. He played a clip of Mark talking about how awesome that black pussy was. He said it was stinkier. Howard said that's odd. He said he likes it more stinky.
Howard said Mark got so drunk he was singing Karaoke without music. Howard played a clip of Mark singing ''Piano Man'' without any music.
Howard said he played that for the guys there at Sirius and they gave him his own channel. He said he's dating Chrsitie Brinkley now too. He said he's going to have a residency at Madison Square Garden. Howard said he would want that guy to shut the fuck up if he was in a bar.
Howard said Mark said he hurt his cheek years ago falling on some black ice. Shuli said he was kind of crashing at the time and he just had to go because of this pain he had in his cheek. He said he didn't mention it earlier in the day. Howard said after that they didn't get much out of him.
Howard played a clip of Mark talking about not liking gay people. Shuli was asking if he's afraid that they're going to bang him. Mark said yes. Then he was feeling the pain and he said he had to lay down and rest until it gets better. He said he doesn't want it to get worse. Robin said he was telling Shuli to get out basically.
Howard said he likes that he was saying that he can barely talk because of his cheek. He said Shuli asked him to repeat that. Howard said he thinks that gay stuff might be happening in his life and he didn't want to talk about it.
Howard said Mark made a lot of weird noises so they put together a montage of that. Howard played that clip and there were a bunch of odd sounds that came out of Mark. Howard said he sounds like Yoko Ono.
Shuli said he has a lot of weird OCD things he does too. He said he'll do jazz hands and he'll fake pass the ball with his hands.
Howard said Mark seems to be doing fine and coasting along. He said this was done a while ago. Shuli said it was over a year ago. Howard said the further update is that he's back at home with mom. Shuli said they also found out his bed had bed bugs. Shuli said he was in that apartment too. Howard said good thing he didn't sit on that bed. Robin said he could have taken them home.
Shuli said Mark claims that the landlord was upset with him for bringing bed bugs in with him. He said it's like they were never there before. He said Mark told him they had them before.
Howard had a song parody about Mark the Bagger that he played to wrap that up. They went to break after that.
Howard said now they're rockin'. He told Fred that was horrible. Fred had some music playing and he cut it off. Howard said it was just the transition into ''Let Me Roll It'' he wasn't happy with. Howard said he loves that song and loves that riff. He had Fred keep playing the song.
Howard said he has been listening to some new music. He said some of it is new songs. Robin asked what he was saying because she's listening to that song. Howard said that riff would take him 10 years to learn. Howard asked if Fred could do it. Fred said he's not sure. He said it's not difficult but you have to nail the feel. Howard said you need an electric to do that. Fred said you do. He said that's a Lennon riff and Paul was trying to emulate that. Howard told him to stop it. Robin said they did have some competition in that. Howard said that's not right to say. Fred said he did a great imitation. Robin said there's nothing wrong with stealing from art. Howard said they can both leave.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's enough about the Beatles. Howard told him to shut up. He said he had better be interesting. The caller said he called in to said he wasn't able to get laid for 12 years. He was mumbling about something so Howard said he's shocked he wasn't able to get laid. The guy said he's a drunk like Jeff the Drunk. Howard asked if he's drunk right now. The caller said he is a little bit. Robin asked if he had a drink today. The caller said the night hasn't ended for him yet. He said he's in Texas. He said he lives for the night. Howard said he doesn't sound like a day person. He said he's kind of bored with this. He said he'd rather talk about Paul McCartney and John Lennon.
Howard said he would guess that he hasn't had sex in 12 years because he's an alcoholic. He said women might want a guy who takes some responsibility. Howard said they want shelter. The caller, Jason, said that he has extreme flatulence. He said he farts a lot. He said he has always ate what he wanted to eat. He said he has a problem. Howard asked how old he is. Jason said he's 41. Howard said he's up all night and his body is flipping out. Robin asked why someone would want to be with him. Jason said he's a night owl by nature. Robin asked what that has to do with someone wanting you. Jason said it's not that.
Howard said how about holding your gas in while you're around a woman. Jason said they never smell. He said he can't have sex with a woman. Howard said he hopes he has a good day. He said he's not vibing there.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's into guys who fart. Jason asked if she's telling the truth. The woman was faking the call of course. Howard told Jason to go see a doctor. He said what a bore. He let Jason go.
Jason came in and said that his friend had to wait for 5 weeks to get the car. He had it for 2 weeks. Then Gary wanted to go to a bakery to get black and white cookies. Gary said they were on their way somewhere and he was bringing them as a gift. Jason said then Gary took a turn and he hit the curb. He said his friend heard the sound and he thought Gary would stop but he kept going. He said it was the worst noise. He said the friend sent pictures. He said it was one rim and it was $2,000. Gary said he has offered to fix it. He said he has a guy who can repair the rim. He said he has done everything he can offering to fix it. He said he has a guy who can fix it. He said he will get it fixed.
Jason said Gary sold this guy a pinball machine and Gary told him not to worry about the cost. He ended up cashing the guy's check within a coupe of days. Gary said it was an old machine and he got $900 for it. He said that's about what he paid for it. Howard said he had one and you never end up using it. Jason said he has friends like that who get them and never use them after the first couple of days.
Gary said he has a guy who says he can fix that rim for $200. Robin said it was a brand new car. Gary said he knows and he'll do what he has to do to fix that rim. He said he had a guy who could fix it and the guy said he didn't want him to do it. Howard said he would just say no to a guy who asked him to drive his car. Howard said just say no when someone does that.
Howard said he has to agree with Gary in this case. Gary said he didn't want to drive the car. He said the guy insisted. Howard said guys are so wacky with their cars. He said he bought a corvette years ago and guys who had Corvettes would honk and wave.
Jason said he had a Camaro and people would honk him down and pull him over. He said he had no idea what they were talking about. Jason said it's funny that Gary ran it up on the curb. He said he just kept going when he heard the crunching. Gary said he wasn't like ''fuck it.'' He said that he didn't mean to do it.
Howard said he doesn't want to drive anyone's car. He said once you start damaging it then you stop. Gary said he didn't mean to keep going. Robin said that car would be her's now and she would get the guy a new car. Howard said he thinks it's interesting that Gary gets black and white cookies as a gift. Gary said he got them for some people he was visiting. He said that he may have had one.
Howard said Gary is always involved in something. He said he would never use a guy's car like that. Jason said the auto drive in those cars is cool. He said they have a valet service where the car will come and pick you up. Howard said he loves that. Jason said people don't give you their cell phone to try. He said it's always weird with friends and money too. Howard said when you have a new car and it gets dented up it's weird. Jason said it's a $65,000 toy and Gary screwed it up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he is a government employee and he's part of this shutdown. He said he likes what Howard is saying about this wall argument. He said a lot of guys at work appreciate what he has said. He said it meant a lot to them at work. Howard said that's good to hear. He said he has a house and he sits there thinking about how he would love a stone driveway. He said he gets an estimate and it costs crazy money. He said it's really expensive and you have to have a budget. He said it's the same with the wall. He said that it will keep some people out but you have to think about the bang for the buck. The caller said that it would probably deter some but it won't solve the problem. He said it's not cost effective.
Howard said that guy who talked about him on Philly radio was going off on him and he knows nothing either. Howard said that guy has the same stupid opinion. He said this guy on the phone works the border. He said he'll listen to him.
Howard said he heard some things about the shutdown and it's cost $5 billion already. He said that it's going to hurt the economy too. Howard said then that guy said he can't bring up how Mexico was going to pay for it. Jason said there is no plan for this whole thing. He said every time Trump talks about it the story changes. He said there is no plan for it. Howard said stick to your concept of the concrete wall if that's what you're going to do. Howard said Donald knows nothing about border security. He said he knows as much as he does which is nothing.
Jason said that it's sad that they're shutting down the whole government to argue over this whole thing. The caller said that he had the chance to pass it for 2 years when he had the majority vote and he didn't do it. Howard asked why that is. He said they could have passed it. The caller, John, said they had their chance but now that the midterms are over they can do this and shut it down. Howard said it seems like there is a lot of chaos over there.
Jason started to get into more about Trump and Howard said he thinks he has to end this. He asked John what he's doing to pay his bills. John said he has enough for his mortgage until about May. He said if it lasts longer than that he's in trouble. Howard said if the shutdown lasts 2 more weeks it's going to cost the government $6 billion. Robin said it's costing the government twice as much as they thought it would. Howard said this is turning into Russia. He said they're going to be rioting in the streets. Jason said he was going to travel this summer but he won't buy a ticket until he knows he won't have to wait in long lines.
Howard said he's sorry that John isn't getting his paycheck. John said he will eventually. Howard said he has Hulk on the phone and he hates the wall. Howard had one of the guys in the back doing the Hulk impression screaming about the wall. He was giving Howard some facts about illegal immigration too.
Jason said they had some people clean it out and they had to use gloves and masks. He said there was mold in the refrigerator and it was really bad. Gary said the yogurt was 2 years expired. He said it was more than 2 years old. Howard asked if it goes really bad. Robin said of course it does.
Howard asked what it was that liquefied in the bag. Jason said it was a salad. He said he thinks that's what it was. He said it looked like green vomit in there. He said the same thing happened to the carrots. Howard said they should have to clean it out the same day they put it in there. Jason said that sounds like a great idea to him. He said he doesn't put anything in there. He said he thinks Will had some food in there and he has not come forward. He doesn't know that for a fact.
Will came in and said it wasn't him. He said he uses that fridge but he cleans out his stuff. He said he never goes out with the guys for lunch. He said he doesn't like wasting food either. He said he doesn't think it was him that left the carrots or salad in there.
Gary said they have a community fridge there that has a sign on it that they clean it out every Friday.
Howard said he has said to Gary on the air a million times not to buy him a gift. He said he heard that Sal bought him something. He said some guys made a donation to North Shore. He said that's great. He said Sal usually does that. He said this time Sal bought him something and he ran up to Jason telling him that he got him something. Jason said Sal came to him and asked what he should do with it. Howard said he should hit himself over the head with it. He said they have been over this. Jason said Sal asked if he should ask Gary what to do. He said he went to Gary about it.
Howard said Sal is such a douche. Sal came in and said that he usually does ask Gary. Gary said he asked him and he said he doesn't know. Sal said he does this every year. Gary said he told Sal he doesn't care what he does with it or why it was late. Sal said he had it delivered.
Gary asked why he should care that it was late. Howard said Gary shouldn't care. Sal said Gary was doing nothing when he brought that to him. Sal said he was doing something thoughtful for someone and he's getting yelled at. Howard said he knows his address. Sal said he thought that he could bring it home with himself. Howard said he reads on Kindle. Sal said it is a book but it's something that he can use. He said it's tips and techniques for painting. Howard said he's not going to take this home. He said he'll open it and then Sal can rewrap it and mail it to him.
Howard said this will teach Sal not to bring anything. Howard said Sal wrote ''Howard, Happy Birthday. Sal.'' He wrote ''Paint and Love'' too. Howard said that's really personal. He said he appreciates the sentiment but he'll never even look at this book. He said he hasn't even seen it.
Howard opened the book and Will said that it's 5 days late. Sal said fuck you to Jason even though Will said that. Howard took a look at the book and they gave some advice on how to paint. Howard said he knows this stuff. Howard said he appreciates it but now he has to get it home.
Jason said that Gary still seems confused about what to bring into work. Howard said they know he doesn't want to carry this stuff home. Jason said Gary says there's a system to get it home to Howard. Howard said don't give him a gift. He said Gary used to hand him a Christmas card. He said he's not carrying anything home.
Howard said don't spend money on him. Sal said it wasn't much. Howard said he can tell. He said just give to North Shore Animal League. Sal said he did that at Christmas. Howard said he will toss anything that he gets after today.
Jason said he has something that will drive him nuts. He said there are people who think they got a proper thank you from Howard and some who don't and some who think he didn't get their gift. Howard said he emailed most people and he followed up with thank you cards.
Jason said Chris Wilding doesn't feel he got a thank you. Howard said he got thank yous for the Christmas party. He said he was wondering if he had to thank them for the thank you. He said he had to end it somewhere.
Howard said who is this Gordon Mackenzie. Sal said he's the guy who wrote the book. Gary said he has Benjy back there with a card. Howard said he gives a card with a return address on it. He said there's nothing hard about that. He said just send it there. Will said just come to work and that's the gift. Benjy said he just wants Howard to know that he got it before his birthday. Howard said that's typical Benjy. Benjy said that he never gets thank you notes for the North Shore donations. Howard said he does send them out.
Jason said Memet says he sent a very special gift. He said it was a stocking full of cat toys. Howard said he didn't hear about that. He said what an asshole. He said he has no idea that he sent that. He said that they're not looking for toys. He said they're looking for cash. He said they need money, not toys.
Robin said she donates to North Shore too and she never expects a thank you from Howard. She said she has gotten them some years and sometimes she doesn't. She said she does it because it's something Howard has interest in.
Sal said he ordered the book on Howard's birthday. Robin said that's the problem. Sal said that's the day he was thinking about his birthday. Gary said Benjy wants to tell him what he's going to write in the card. Howard said stop it. Benjy said that Robin is also going off about how she doesn't care that she didn't get a thank you but she's telling him about it now. Robin said she's not complaining about it.
Howard said he writes everyone a thank you note. He said that he does it by email if they email him. He said if he gets a gift he'll send a hand written note. Howard asked what Memet did on Twitter that was really dumb. Jason said he had a conversation with himself on Twitter and talked about the fast food trump served. He said that he wasn't even talking to anyone. Jason said then people started arguing with him. He said some woman was arguing and Memet called her a dumb piece of shit. Howard said those people are his fans, not Memet's fans.
Howard said he's got all of this going on and Sal is jerking off at work. Sal said that was years ago.
Jason said he's not sure where Memet is but he has more notes about him. He said Memet wants out of the pre-show meetings. Howard said he thought he was going to light the world on fire. Memet came in and said that it's a retarded waste of time to go tot hose meetings. He said those aren't the meetings he was talking about. He said he shows up and sits there quietly. Howard said how about contributing. Memet said those meetings are a giant waste of time. He said he wants to be in the studio in the morning.
Howard asked why he has to argue with people on Twitter. Memet said it was the one time he did that. Howard asked how many followers he has. Memet said like 30,000. Howard asked how many of them listen to this show. Memet said all of them. Howard said don't call his fans names.
Memet said he has to talk about the North Shore thing too. He said that he spent like 100 bucks on that stuff. Howard said you don't have to get a gift and don't send cat toys. He said just send cash if you're going to do that. Memet said the guys who send money there don't give a shit about cats. He said it's the least amount of effort to give him a gift. Howard said they know that's what he wants because they listen to him. Jason said that's what Howard has asked for in the past. He said that's the most thoughtful thing you can do for Howard.
Howard said everyone is working there earning their own money and if they can send some money to a charity that's meaningful to him that's the most thoughtful gift. Memet said he's thinking about the cats not having toys to play with. Memet said he never said he didn't get a thank you from Howard. Jason said he said it to him. Howard said this is all silly.
Gary said he has one more. Howard told Gary to write this down. He doesn't want gifts. He said Sal's gifts are meaningless. He said this book has nothing to do with what he does.
Gary said that Memet got Howard a John Lennon art book and he never got a thank you for that. Howard said he did send him a thank you note on his personal stationary. He said that's more than most people will do. Memet said he also threw the book out because he said he didn't know who gave it to him and he didn't like it. Howard said John Lennon wasn't a great artist. He said that's not something he wants to see.
Memet said that Howard sent him a note saying that his cat toys saved cats lives. Howard said he assumed he had given a donation. Memet said that the cat toys don't save lives. He said he's not even sure where the cat toys went. He said he's sorry he tried to do something thoughtful. Gary said that Beth is texting saying that toys are appreciated.
Gary also asked if Sal is upset that Howard doesn't notice his birthday there. Sal said he isn't offended. He said that he just noticed that he doesn't bring it up but it's not a big deal. Gary asked if he wishes that he has wished him a happy birthday. Sal said he has. Howard said he sends the guys notes and keeps in touch. He said that he's saying this right now. He said he's not sending anyone notes anymore. Sal said this is the only place where you give a gift and get shit on.
Howard said he's never going to look at this book. Jason said he'd like to throw it out. Sal said he'd like to throw Jason out but there's not a dumpster big enough for Jason the big fat slob. Howard told Gary to throw Sal's book into the glom box.
Memet said he heard that he's one of the guys who can't have his personal email address. Howard said he gave it out years ago and he had problems with it. He said he's not going to give it out to people like Memet. Memet said he isn't going to use it. Howard said he's home pretending he's a cowboy. He said he's a bad cowboy.
Jason had the quote from Memet on Twitter. He read that to Howard and Memet said that she probably was what he called her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been a fan since WWWW. He said he wants to address Memet over this card stuff. He said he's getting all emotional. Memet said he's not emotional. The caller said he loves Memet. He said he's a 62 year old gay man and he's a carbon copy of his life. He said he came out of the closet and went back in. He said he had girlfriends in high school like Mariah Carrey. He said that he has been in therapy for 20 plus years. He said with Memet wanting him to be like a father figure it seems like he wants validation and all of this. He said the animals and wanting Howard to acknowledge that... Robin asked what the point is. Howard said he already hung up on the guy. He said it was going nowhere.
Memet said he tries harder than anyone around there to get him a good gift. Will and Jason were arguing about that. Howard said he sent him a thank you note. He said he didn't know he got the cat toys. He said it's basically the same thing. Memet said it's not the same thing. He said he spent hours picking out the toys. Howard said he's a bullshit artist. He said he left it up to someone else to tell him he got the gift.
Gary asked if you can spend hours picking out cat toys. Howard said it takes 5 minutes. Memet said that he spent hours but he doesn't have cats. Howard said don't buy him anything. Memet said he won't do it ever again. Howard told Sal not to either. Sal said don't lump him in with this weirdo.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a veterinarian and everyone knows that you make a donation you do it with money. He said they can use it for anything. He said there are food companies and toy companies who donate. He said that stuff is taken care of. He said to put on this big thing about spending time picking them out is crazy. Howard said they have already talked about that.
Will asked if Memet would rather like a sweater or $500 cash. Memet said he would appreciate the cash but if he got him a sweater with something he likes on it then he'd think he appreciates him. Memet said that they need him in that morning meeting too. He said he should be there. Gary said he will never be in that meeting. Gary said he has just one vote. Sal voted for Memet to be there too.
Howard wrapped up with the guys and thanked everyone. Sal said they want to thank him too. Howard said he has to take a break.
Howard said Rodman is a psychic who calls into radio shows and he's been feuding with this one guy for over a year now. Howard played a montage of this character Rodman Delancy arguing with this internet radio show host.
Howard said now they have a new call that Rodman made to that radio show. He played the new call where they had another guy call into the show saying that the host was right about Rodman killing himself after the guy predicted he would do that. Then Rodman comes out of the voice he was doing to reveal that he was still there. Rodman and the host argued for a minute before the guy hung up on him. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said he hates to throw this on Gary but please make sure Sal's book makes it to his house. He thanked him for that. Fred played some clips of Sal saying words the wrong way.
Howard said their show has been referenced on some game shows recently. He said someone on the Price is Right they mentioned the show after spinning the wheel. Howard played the clip and a woman mentioned Howard, Robin and Fred and her family after them. Howard said they were put above her husband and children.
Howard said on Jeopardy they had him as an answer in the ''Trouble with the FCC'' category. Howard played that clip and it was a question about many fines for this ''shock jock'' who went to satellite. The player got it correct.
Howard said High Pitch Erik made it on Lets Make a Deal. He said Wayne Brady gave him a shout out. Howard played the clip and Wayne said hey to High Pitch Erik who was in the audience. He thanked him for dressing up and coming out.
Howard said it brought the show to a grinding halt. Howard said it proves they'll cheer for anything on that show. He said they were like ''Yeah... oh.''
Howard said someone tried to win some money but it didn't go to well. He played a clip of High Pitch Erik trying to help the guy but he didn't have 50 cents on him. Wayne said if he has 50 cents he'll give the contestant 100 bucks. Erik only had keys on him.
Howard said Erik is only interesting because of his voice but they didn't put him on microphone. He said that's too bad. He said they probably think he's too dangerous. Robin said he's like Prince Charles walking around without money. Howard said you'd think if anyone had change it would be Erik. He said his body is rattling with change in the folds of his body.
Howard said he wants to mention something he has a problem with. He said Robin was on Jeopardy twice. Robin said she was on three times. She said she won once. Howard asked who she played. Robin said she played Mark McEwen once and lost to him. She said that buzzer bothers her. She said you can't buzz in before Alex finishes his question. Robin said then they have lights around the board and you have to wait for the lights to light up before buzzing in. Howard said that's too much work. He said they had to do that for TV because they weren't letting Alex finish his question.
Howard asked who she played the second time. She said she doesn't remember that one. She said she may have been against Rob Schneider in the third. Fred said she played Julie Bowen and Jane Kaczmarek the third time. Robin said she didn't do well. She said she was like a retard that day. She really bombed out that day. She said that Julie ended up with the final total that she did. Howard said you have to know how to play that. Robin said that the guy from Law & Order was laughing at them in the green room. Howard said he knows that Robin hates that.
Howard asked Fred why he doesn't go on. Fred said some of the people are frighteningly good. He said he wouldn't stand a chance against real trivia experts. Howard said he could never do it. He said he tries to come off like a smart guy but he's not. Robin said she wasn't able to remember the name of the Catskills when she was there. Howard said she should have gotten that. Robin said she knew it but it wasn't coming out. Howard said he told her not to go on that show. He said she can only embarrass herself. He said Robin is smart and knows stuff but how many people can hit that buzzer and win. Robin said she did well against that Mark McEwen.
Robin said Regis thought she was going to win Who Wants to be a Millionaire but she didn't do well on that either. Howard said she hasn't done anything like that lately. He said she should go on Deal or No Deal with Howie. Robin said that's a dumb game. Howard said he watched it the other night and people are so dumb. He said they get perky people to play and she had her whole family there. Howard said one of the offers was to get rid of one of the family members for 2 grand. He said that's a no brainer. He said you just take it. Howard said you're not going to win the million so take what you can.
Howard said Robin played Steven King on Millionaire. Howard said he heard that he hates him. Robin said she loves Steven King. Howard said he has a note at home about it. Gary said he has tried to get him on the show but they politely pass. Howard said he thinks he doesn't like him. He said he's not sure what the issue is. He said the guy bought a radio station up in Maine and told them to keep playing metal. He said that's cool. He said he's sure he got rid of it since then. Robin said back then they probably still made money.
Howard said these people get up and say no to $50,000. Robin said that's life changing money. Howard said he remembers Robin playing Who Wants to be a Millionaire. He said she brought Big Foot Matt with her. Robin said that's right. He was her help line in the audience. Howard said he remembers Regis introducing him. Howard said they have to get her back on a game show with a new Fiancee. Robin said she should go on Family Feud with some of her ''family'' members. She said Marfan Mike and small headed people. Howard said how about Marfan Mike, Underdog, Beetlejuice and Fred the Elephant Boy. Robin said she could have Wendy as her sister. Howard said there you go. Fred played some Wendy clips and Howard did his Family Feud announcer voice.
Howard said he meant to get to this clip. He said this Jeopardy contestant had money taken away from him because he said ''gangster'' instead of ''gangsta.'' He said that's bullshit. Howard played a clip from the show where they took the money away from this guy Nick. He answered incorrectly about a Coolio song. Howard said that's ridiculous. Robin said if it was a name that should matter. Howard said ''Gangster's Paradise Lost'' is close enough. Robin said they are looking for the title. Howard said he's sure some 50 year old white guy made that call. Robin said they do have to look for correctness.
Howard said someone on Wheel of Fortune said ''gold shower'' instead of ''cold shower.'' He played that clip. Robin said that's interesting because they have almost all of the letters there. She said that she had to be thinking Golden Shower. Howard said that's why he played it for her. Howard said you know what a gold shower is.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves the Baba Booey beat downs. He said they're the best. The guy said that he has been listening back to the Baba tapes and he was wondering if they would do a Sternthology about all of the Baba Beatings. Robin said ''Oh no...'' Howard said he gets racked with guilt over that. He said Gary makes him yell at him because he messes up and that ruins his day. He played a Baba Booey song parody after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was a student of that guy Dom Giordano in Philly who was talking about him recently. He said this guy was crazy. He said he would bring in potted meat and sardines and commission the students to eat it. Howard hung up and said he doesn't care about that guy. He said he knows nothing about him. He spent a minute talking about the guy before he moved on.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was screaming from across the room. Howard didn't know what he was doing. Robin said he's not very good at Howard. Howard had already hung up on him.
Howard said he has a bunch of Sour clips over there. He said he left a voicemail at 1 in the morning over the weekend. He said Gary was reminiscing about Captain & Tennille. He said this sounds like Gary. He played that clip where Sour was going on and on about them. Howard said they had to cut this down because it was so long.
Howard said he has another one where Sour Gary called in about how to build the wall. He played that clip and Sour was going on and on about building it out of vinyl. Howard said he likes that idea.
Howard said Sour also pranked Mike Francesa. He said he called him as George Takei and asked if he likes gays. Mike hung right up. He said that guy was on the line for an hour waiting to do that. Howard said there's a strict no fun policy on that show. Howard said Sour has nothing but time on his hands. Howard said he does not like Sour Shoes. Robin said Mike doesn't like any shenanigans at all. Howard said he's like his dad.
Howard said then Sour will call them and tell them about the prank call he just made. He played a clip of Sour calling in as George Takei talking about really loving the gays and mentioning that he called Mike Francesa. Then he played the call back for them over the phone.
Howard said on Sunday Sour pulled off back to back prank calls on Mike. He played another clip of Sour doing his thing as Gary. He had Gary talking about how he loves the app and his sons love it too. He was talking about a football game and mentioned Brooklyn ''noine, noine.'' They hung up on him. Mike hung up and said that he knows who that is. He took another call and Sour was there again but not doing an impression of someone famous. Mike had the guys hang up on him. Howard said he thought he was grumpy. He said that guy takes the grumpy pie.
Howard said this is Sour's voicemail to them after all of those calls. He played that clip and Sour was playing the pranks he had just made. He said how about trying to get through on ''noine'' lines. Robin said all he'd have to do is stay on the line with him once and he'd lose his enthusiasm for it.
Howard said you can't wear Sour out. He said he got zero dollars for all of that work. He said the end game is just getting through. Robin said it's his hobby.
The caller said he watched Sebastian Maniscalco's special on Netflix and it's no wonder that Jerry Seinfeld is friends with him because the guy is 10 times funnier than Jerry. Howard said come on. He said that he never even sweat or took a drink during his show. Howard said that's because he sweats out his ass. He talked about that in the interview.
Howard read some of the email he got about Sebastian. He had a ton of feedback about how funny the guy is. Howard said everyone loved Underdog embedded. He said he'll get to the second part eventually. Robin said today they had Mark the Bagger and that was amazing. She said just learning that whole deal was incredible.
Howard said he had a lot of email about Brent and his wife. He said someone was asking if they would have a contest where they let fans massage her breasts after her surgery. Howard had Brent come in. He took a call from one of the guys in the back who was doing a Seinfeld impression. Howard said that was an awful impression.
Howard asked Brent how many times he's watched his wife fuck another man. Brent said he has only seen her make out with a guy. He said you can't just go in and fuck anyone in these swinger parties. He said she likes to work up to it. He said it doesn't happen every time. He said he's seen guys feel her up too. He said he's making out with the guy's wife if she's making out with the other guy.
Brent said they went to a club and they closed at 2 in the morning. He said they were just there for 2 hours. He said it didn't work out there. He said in Manhattan they went to a club and his wife said she wasn't into this other guy so they just gave up. Howard said he's not sure why it hasn't gone further. Brent said the guy gets to feel her up and stuff. He said that they'll feel her ass and puss too.
Robin asked if he's looking at his wife while he's making out with another woman. Brent said yes. Robin said that is weird. Howard said it's weird that they're hooking up with other couples after such a short marriage. Brent said it's been 2 years. He said they haven't gone all the way yet. He said it'll get there.
Howard said Brent's wife put it out there with a lot of women at the Christmas party. He said she didn't pick up anyone.
Howard said Brent says that his wife needs to have her boobs massaged so someone asked if he would have a contest for fans. Brent said he'll have to ask her but he thinks she would be up for it. He said the massaging is something that you really have to do hard. He said you have to push them up to the collarbone. Howard said his wife got on a bullhorn and asked if anyone wanted to fuck her. Brent said he doesn't remember that. He said she's getting her surgery today. Howard said they're going to be gigantic. Brent said they will look normal. He said she's stacked already so she needs some substantial tits to go along with that. He said she has gotten some bras and she gotten some new clothes too.
Robin said the tits are going to be huge when they come out of surgery. She said they're going to have to get another bra for that.
Howard said he has Sexual Brent on the phone. He took that call from one of the guys in the back who was doing his Brent impression talking about his wild sex life. He was making stuff up about what he could do with his wife. Sexual Brent had real Brent cracking up. Howard thanked him for the call. He even had Brent's theme music playing. Howard went to break a short time later.
Robin started her news with a story about how Netflix is going to hike their rates again. She said she rarely goes to them for movies. Howard said she goes there for their original stuff. Robin said they bring you a bunch of crap you don't want so she's sick of them raising the prices. Howard asked how Fred is not playing her music for this. Robin said he's out of the room. Howard said he loves Netflix. He said they have so much programming that someone has to pay for it. Robin said there is a lot of competition out there. She said they have very expensive contracts for people like Adam Sandler, Chris Rock and more. Howard said he likes a good market. He said a movie ticket is $15 so if you watch just one that pays for Netflix. Robin said she thinks the quality of the programming has gone down. Howard said Robin hasn't seen everything. Robin said she didn't make it through Bird Box. She said she's pissed about the jumps in cost. She said she will not cancel yet but she's pissed. She said she was one of the first so they should listen to her. Howard said maybe she can start a QuiversFlix. Robin said she could be a critic.
Robin read a story about El Chapo testifying in his own drug trial. Howard said the guy is very charismatic. He said a lot of narcissistic or psychopathic people think they can change people's minds. Robin said she's not sure what the advantage is for him. Robin said he claims he's being framed. Howard said he would do that too. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how Canadians spent over a billion dollars on legal weed in 2018. Robin said that they went from the medical to legalized pot and doubled their income. Howard said it's funny that people have no money until they need weed. Robin said homeless people get money for alcohol. Robin said the governors of New York and New Jersey were talking about legalizing weed.
Robin read a story about how Ivan Reitman's son is going to do a reboot of Ghostbusters. Gary said it's actually a sequel to the first one. Howard said he understands it's an all trans cast. Robin said they aren't going to continue the last Ghostbusters with the all female cast.
Howard said he remembers when George W. Bush sent troops back into Iraq he thought about how it was just doing what his father did. He said he gets that Ivan's son is doing something new so he's okay with that. Howard said if he did that he would probably just steer clear of doing something like that if he were his son. He said he's sure Ivan is fine with it though.
Robin said that yesterday Howard asked if they could name a play ''Guys and Dolls'' in this day. She said probably not. Robin said that Family Guy has announced they are not going to have gay jokes in their scripts. She said the writers have said they know that jokes they did years ago are unacceptable now. Howard said gays get enough shit. He said they get shit every day. Robin had some audio from Family Guy where they did a gay joke. Howard didn't think it was gay. Howard said it was a statement about society. Robin said that's what they found. Howard said he thinks they just made that announcement to get attention for the show.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that they just legalized weed in November in Canada so that's how much they made in that short time. The caller said they ran out of weed in the first week up there. She said they can't get enough of it up there.
Robin read some news about the NFL playoffs and what's going on. Robin said Tom Brady is in the playoffs once again. She said that amazes her. She said he's 41 years old now. Howard said he wishes a New York team could get someone like that. Robin said that the Jets have a new head coach and he has some crazy eyes.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Mike Francesa impression talking about Tom Brady and other football stuff. Sour broke into his Mad Dog Russo impression too. He had Mike and Mad Dog talking about Tom Brady for a short time. Then Sour was doing his George Takei impression and other voices. Robin mentioned that Tom Brady has a giant Lego statue of himself. Howard was still talking to Sour Mike and Mad Dog about football. Sour was going back and forth with this impressions. Howard let Sour go and did a live commercial read.
Robin read a story about a petition going around asking performers at the Super Bowl to take a knee during the half time show. Robin said that she's wondering if Adam Levine made the right decision doing the show. Howard said if he were Adam he wouldn't do it. He said he has a hot wife and a good carer going so don't do it. Robin had some Maroon 5 music for Howard to play. Howard said he doesn't see the band taking a knee. Robin said they originally wanted the band to not perform at all. Howard said he thinks they're replaying the Birthday show this weekend. Gary said they're doing that on Monday for Martin Luther King day. Howard said that's right. He played some of Adam's performance of ''Purple Rain'' from that show. Howard said that will be airing on Monday all day on Howard 100 and the app. He let the song play and talked about all of the women there getting wet over that performance. He said even Rosie got wet over that. Howard asked Robin where they did that show. Robin said it was at the Hammerstein Ballroom. Howard said they're going to have commentary about the show. He said they had a ton of big names there. He went over some of those names and mentioned Steven Tyler and Dave Grohl who did a song together. Howard said it's great to watch on the app. Howard said Rob Zombie did a live version of ''Great American Nightmare.'' He played a second of that. He played Jewel performing ''Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes.'' Howard said that was great. He said she's an angel. He said he remembers that like it was yesterday. He said those were the days. Robin said Sarah Silverman and Natalie Maines did that song together too. Howard said that's why they're repeating it on MLK day.
Robin read a story about how Carol Channing was married for 41 years and they only had sex two times. Howard said that sounds about right. He said that's more than Sal gets. Robin said that Carol said it didn't occur to her to get out because the guy was her manager and she had to get all of her money from him. She wondered what she had done with her life when he had a stroke and she realized that something was wrong. Robin said she lived 41 years without love and affection. Robin said she was 97 when she died. Howard said that's fucking crazy.
Robin read a story about a radio personality named David Webb there at Sirius. Robin said he was on the air with a CNN analyst the other day and they were talking about the #MeToo movement or something and she accused him of being saturated in white privilege and not being able to understand. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. It turns out David is a black man and he told this woman she was wrong assuming he was white. Robin said stereotypes get you into trouble. Robin said that she had assumed something based on his statement. The reporter apologized for what she said to him.
Robin said Gillette is getting flack for a new ad. They have an ad where they're advising men to do something about toxic masculinity. Robin had some audio of the commercial that she had Howard play. Robin said they're using the defenses that men use in cases where they were accused of something like ''Boys will be boys'' and things like that. Howard asked what this is an ad for. Robin said it's for razors or shaving cream. Robin said they are getting criticized for this ad. Robin said Piers Morgan said it makes men all seem bad. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about R. Kelly who has a woman who claims he gave her an STD and she's suing him. Robin said that she claims that he's trying to intimidate her into not speaking. Robin said the NYPD is investigating. Robin said some women are going to protest Sony Entertainment over having him as an artist. Robin said Kelly is pretending like none of this is going on.
Robin read a story about Kirsten Gillibrand going on the Colbert Late Show to announce that she's going to run for president. Robin said she's not sure why these people don't come on their show to do this because they have more listeners. Robin had some audio from Colbert's show where she made her announcement.
Robin read a story about attorney general William Barr testifying in front of congress. Robin said he was saying he did an interview to be Trump's attorney. Robin had a couple of clips for Howard to play.
Robin said that congressman Steve King was in front of congress talking about how he's not sure that white supremacy stuff came out of his mouth because that's not the way he thinks. Robin said he was condemned and he voted for the condemnation himself.
Robin said over in England they're trying to negotiate with the European Union to get out. Robin said they voted on a plan and they voted it down. Robin had some audio to play. Robin said now they don't know what is going to happen over there in their government.
Robin read a story about a hammer attack in a restaurant in Brooklyn. Robin said this man ran in with a hammer and hit people in the head. Robin said he wound up killing the chef and injuring a bunch of people. She said it appears to be a random attack.
Robin said Toto's ''Africa'' is going to be immortalized. She said the song is going to be played on a loop forever in this place in the middle of a desert. Robin had some of the song for Howard to play. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:15am.