Howard started the show talking about how he's thinking about a lot of things. He said he's not sure what to start with. He said he has hot topics. He asked who does those. Robin said they do it on The View and Wendy. Howard said he has some hot topics. Robin said a lot of people are using that.
Howard said he's got a big fat smile on his face about Les Moonves. He said he heard about this new article about Les that Ronan Farrow put out. He said it turns out Les is a big fucking asshole. He said they were going to give him like $185 million to leave CBS and then it was down to 100 and now it's down to nothing. Robin said she's not sure why he deserves a bit severance package. Howard said exactly. He gave Les a ''Wah, wah.''
Howard said these people that Les was allegedly messing with were doctors and people like that. He said he swears he was up in his office showing him his bedroom in the office. Robin said that's been there since the Paley days. Howard said his mind isn't making that up. Robin said she's been up there. She said that she wasn't up there when Les was there. She said that's when Mel was up there. Howard said Mel hated all of that bullshit.
Howard said he was thinking about that bedroom and how he would use it to sleep in up there. He said he wouldn't want to have sex in it. Robin said they had it in the beginning of TV. she said it could have been called the creep room. Howard said that's where you blow guys.
Howard said according to the Ronan Farrow stuff Les would pull his cock out and make women blow him. He said that mother fucker. He said imagine that those women are you daughters or sisters or wives. He said this doctor claimed he pulled his cock out in front of her. He said he allegedly said that he can't control himself in a room alone with a woman.
Howard said Les was so mean to him and he did nothing to him. He said CBS is going to donate like 20 million to a charity instead of giving it to Les. Robin said how about the whole 100 million.
Howard dread some of the article about Les that Ronan Farrow wrote. Howard also talked about what Les did to him and how Justin Timberlake had to cry in his office asking him not to sue him over the Janet Jackson incident. Howard said that Les was apparently upset that Janet never apologized to him for what she did. Howard said you know what he wanted from her. Howard said he thinks that Janet Jackson didn't need to show her tittie. He said that Les was apparently on fire about it.
Howard said he hopes that Julie divorces him. He said he asked JD to look for what Julie had to say about Louis C.K. and Matt Lauer and all of that. He said she's not saying the same thing about her husband. He said he's not sure what she said but he loves it. Robin said they talked about all of these things until they got to Les and then she clammed up.
Howard wondered if Julie is going to show up to work today. He did his impression of Julie talking to Les about what's going on. He had Julie telling him to suck his own cock and asking what she's supposed to do today.
Howard said they must have had a big meeting over here. Robin said you do have to ask if she's going to show up to work today. Howard did more of his Julie and Les impression and had them talking about what to do. He had Julie saying she'll recuse herself from the conversation. Howard had Les saying he's going to announce he's becoming a woman. He said he's going to be Leslie Moonves. Julie said that he's already Leslie Moonves though.
Robin said he's saying that these things happened so long ago that they go back to the 2000's. Howard had Les talking about how he got fucked over by Woody Allen because he fucked over Mia Farrow.
Howard had Les talking about how he was going to go on tour with Bill O'Reilly. He had Julie saying she's going to be fired from The Talk.
Robin was talking to Howard who was still doing his Les and Julie impressions. She was asking questions and Howard was asking as the two of them. Howard had Les saying that if she blew him more maybe he wouldn't have to be with these women. He had Les talking about how he met Ronan Farrow when he was out looking for a job. He said he had a feeling about this kid and how he could kick him in the ass.
Howard had Julie saying that she feels like Howard Stern in his office crying like a little bitch. Robin said some of the allegations are about him doing this stuff when Julie knew him. Howard had her crying hysterically.
Howard was doing his Les impression talking about how he was going to put his penis in a meat grinder today. He had Julie crying. He said he wonders what's going to happen today. Robin said The Talk is going to probably have the highest ratings today. She said The View is going to have a field day with this stuff.
Robin said that CBS had to report this story. She said they were doing news about Serena Williams and then mentioned this. Robin said they'll have to have Gayle King talking about it. Howard had Les getting all upset about that. He had him saying that he used to be able to destroy careers and now nothing. He kept the whole thing going and said that JD is now more powerful than Les in show business. Howard had Les getting all upset about that.
Robin said their son is now going to be Charlie Chen. Howard had Les getting upset about that. He had Julie talking about how she should have married JD instead of Les. Robin said Les is now ready to have dinner with Ozzy Osbourne.
Howard asked who they put in Les' place. Robin said the guy right under him apparently. They didn't have a name. Howard was still going back and forth with the Julie and Les impressions. Howard found out it was Joseph Ianniello. He had Julie talking about how she's going to marry him instead.
Howard had Julie and Les talking about if they will stick together. Robin said at first her first instinct is to believe in him. Robin wondered what happens then when Les is sitting there with no place to go. Howard said this guy Ianniello has been sitting around a long time waiting for this day to come.
Howard had Les talking about how Joseph never gets blow jobs. He had Julie asking what he was doing on his computer. He was on there making a Tinder profile. Robin said he's on AshleyMadison. Howard had Les talking about doing a show with Julie. Robin said now they're going to look at Julie and wonder about her and ruin the ratings of The Talk and the credibility of The Talk and Big Brother. Howard had Les asking what she's saying. Julie wasn't hearing any of it.
Howard had Les talking about his Tinder profile where he said he used to be the President of CBS and how he likes face fucking broads. Howard had the two of them going back and forth arguing about that and goofing on Fred after he let out a laugh.
Howard laughed and said ''Oh my god...'' Robin said it's pretty bad. She said the one group you don't want to join is the Harvey Weinstein group. She said that's where he's going. Howard tried to do more with his megaphone but it wasn't working. He was banging it around and trying to get it to come back.
Howard said this fucking Radio Shack. He said the Power Horn by Radio Shack is a piece of shit. He kept banging it on the console. Jim McClure came in with a new one. Howard said he should have been in there 10 minutes ago. Howard said people are probably sick of his impression. Robin said she loves it. She said the fallout will be terrible.
Howard tried his new megaphone so he started in with his Les impression. Howard said they say that Les cums very fast. Robin said that he's premature. Howard said that's how he is. He said he just cums very fast.
Robin wondered if Les is going to sue the New Yorker. Robin said these women came forward and she was wondering when CBS was going to realize that women care about this stuff. She said these 6 women came forward because CBS wasn't taking it seriously enough.
Howard was doing his Les impression asking Jim to come and blow him. He had Julie saying that he has gone gay now.
Robin said they are now doing an investigation at CBS about this. Howard had Les talking about that. He had Les saying that he told the woman to spread her ass cheeks and fuck him when they asked him questions.
Robin said they might be trying to hide his severance package in a production deal according to what she's reading. Howard had Les talking about fucking dudes saying he's done with women.
Robin said that Julie has been living with this for a few days. Howard said on the first day Les met his woman on the job he took his cock out allegedly. Howard said this guy didn't waste his time.
Howard said Les was going to get $185 million and then it went down to 100 million. By late Sunday it was down to 25 million. He said now he might be leaving without a severance package. He said he could end up with nothing. Robin said CBS was going to use the 25 million out of his severance but now he may get nothing. Howard said he thinks Les owes them money now.
Howard read more about this stuff and this one woman claimed that he forced her to do something back in the 80s. Howard read about what she was saying about how Les allegedly forced her to blow him.
Howard said there's another story about Les throwing a woman against a wall when she forgot to send a memo to someone. Robin said he's not even as charming as Harvey Weinstein. Howard did more of his Les impression talking about Charlie Rose. Robin said he didn't hesitate to get rid of Charlie.
Howard read more of the article and what these women were claiming Les did to them. He read about the woman who claimed he made her give him oral sex on her first day of work. Howard had the details of that story. He said she claims that it was very violent.
Howard had Les asking if he's as hot as Charlie Rose. Robin said no. Howard had Julie saying no as well. Howard asked Robin to pick between him and Charlie Rose to blow. Robin picked Charlie. He had Julie picking Charlie as well.
Howard had Les asking if Robin to do a Fuck, Marry, Kill with him, Howard Stern and the Ebola virus. Howard didn't let her answer that before getting back to the article.
Howard said this article says that Les allegedly shook this woman's hand after she blew him. He told her she did a good job. Howard had Julie talking about what a maniac he is.
Howard said they have to get back to the action. He said this one is the best. He read a story about a female doctor who Les went to see. Howard said he would be so paranoid going to a female doctor like this. Howard said he left out a part about the woman who blew Les. He said she claims that when he refused his advances he was calling her names like calling her a cunt.
Howard said this doctor Moonves visited says that he tried to force himself on her in the examination room. Howard said he's upset that someone is going to see his dick. Howard said that this doctor didn't say Les was the man but Vanity Fair revealed it. Howard said that this doctor said no and Les allegedly got up and started jerking off.
Howard said he thought Les had some kind of heart after they dropped the lawsuit. He said apparently he didn't. Howard read more about this doctor and how Les called her the next day to apologize and he said he can't control himself in a room alone with a woman. Robin said then CBS said come work for us.
Howard read another story about Les sticking his tongue down a woman's throat out of nowhere. Howard said there's another story about a woman who Les allegedly groped while giving her a ride in his car. Howard said he can't do that because he's such a defensive driver.
Howard had Les talking about how he was really horny that day. He said that's why he did this stuff. He had Les rubbing his cock on the phone. He had Les and Julie talking about Howard and Robin and how they've never done things to each other. Robin said Howard just said ''Nice to meet you'' when he met her.
Robin said she's not sure where he gets these ideas where it's going to be okay and who cares what women think. Howard had Les explaining that saying that he's a porn addict. Howard had Julie saying that he should write a book. Robin asked who would buy that? Howard said that Harvey Weinstein and Louis C.K. might.
Howard kept going with the Les impression and had him talking about this awful stuff he was up to. Robin asked him if he had to clean out his office with boxes and all of that. Howard said he did. Robin wondered if he cleaned out his desk on Sunday when no one was there. Howard had Les saying he did.
Robin said he should have been forced to do it on a Monday or a Friday so everyone would have been there. Howard had Les talking about how he punched a hole in the wall and fucked it. He said they went out to Nobu after he lost his job too.
Howard said enough with that. He said he has to read the article. Howard said he read about the makeup artist who tried to report Les and they told her that no one would believe her story. Howard read about a writer who had consensual sex with Les in the 80s but he was married. He forced himself on her years later allegedly. Howard said he just pulled his penis out and she manually manipulated it just to get it over with. Howard said Les never saw her again after that.
Howard got back to his Les impression and had him talking about more of that stuff. He said that's the end of Les. He said it's enough with him. Robin said he does claim that the allegations are untrue. Robin wondered if he's going to sue. Howard said sure he will.
Howard said Les wasn't nice to him. Robin said he said that this was a long time ago so the women should have gotten over it. She said that's some defense.
Howard said Burt was a big star from 1978 to 1984. He said he was famous for his moustache and wig. He said they had his ex-assistant on the show and she had some information about his wig. Howard played a clip of her talking about that. She claimed that he got a new wig every week. He said he would scratch his head with a pencil or pen and it would ruin the wig.
Howard said Burt would have been a good looking bald guy. He said he didn't need the toupee. He said he had a more lush hairdo as time went on. He said he had dark eyebrows and a grey wig as he got older.
Howard said Burt put out an album in 1973. He played a song off of that album. Howard said it's weird goofing from Paul McCartney to that.
Howard said Judy Karn came on the show in 1990 and she made jokes about Burt hitting her. He played a clip of her talking about how she got a tattoo after she left Burt to cover up scars from Burt.
Howard said Burt was also married to Loni Anderson and she claimed that he beat her. Howard said good bye to the guy. He said he doesn't sound like a great guy. Robin said Loni put out a statement about how she's going to miss his laugh. Robin said she didn't say anything bad.
Howard said he didn't like this guy Burt much. He said he wasn't very nice. He said he had that black hole that needs filling. He said Leno was a pussy about the whole thing when he threw water on Mark Summers. Robin said that he doesn't protect his guests. Howard said that jay seemed to think it was okay to throw water on his guests. Howard said he's just pointing out a few things. He said he doesn't see too many news stations covering it. He said he thins people felt conflicted about the guy.
Robin said that Loni Anderson has said that she and her son will miss Burt. She said that she'll miss his laugh. Howard said that sometimes women will leave an abusive husband and the husband becomes a saint.
Howard got into his Les and Julie impression again and had the two of them going back and forth about what's going on. Robin said she wouldn't want to be in Julie's shoes. Howard had Les talking about his great parking space. He had Julie talking about how she loved those things oh so much.
Howard had Les calling Julie a cunt. He said that he loved waking up and thinking about how he was going to get blown. He said he has to start his day with empty balls. Howard had Julie talking about how she didn't always have time for that. She was busy with The Talk and Big Brother.
Robin said people are going to question her about her romance with Les. Howard said that she's going to just move right past that. He said she's never going to talk about it on that show.
Robin wondered how he's going to come back. Howard had Les talking about how he'll figure it out. He had him talking about how he had Sumner Redstone eating out of his hand on his death bed. Howard had Julie talking about how she'll be talking about global warming instead of this on The Talk today.
Howard kept going with the Les and Julie bit for a few more minutes. Howard said that guy was a freak if all of this is true. He said it's all allegations though. He said they have to say that.
Howard kept going with the impressions and had Les saying he's not sure what his cock did to deserve this. Robin asked if they can believe that they're going to play a rerun on today's The Talk. Howard said they're going to go live. He said they should put him on that show today. He got back into the Les impression and had him saying he won't even watch CBS anymore. He had Les talking about how he can't even fuck Julie today. Howard had Julie asking what he's doing for work now. Howard said maybe Les can go work for Vinnie Favale's musical. He said that's work at least. He said he did let Vinnie work for Letterman over there at CBS.
Howard had Julie talking about how she's going to make out with Sarah Gilbert to distract everyone today. He said he likes Julie so he feels bad for her.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he doesn't fire Ronnie and hire Les. Howard said he can drive him and give sex tips on the air. Howard did more of his Les impression after that. He had Les talking about all of the great shows he's picked to be on CBS. He said this guy can only dream of what he's achieved.
Howard, as Les, asked the caller how many women have vomited on his penis. The caller said none. Howard had Les talking about how he could tell 1000 stories and all of them are gross. He said his cock should be bronzed and in the CBS hall of fame. Robin said that Les was inducted into several halls of fame. Robin said he's in the TV hall of fame and the cable hall of fame. Howard had Les talking about how he's not going to come work for Howard. He said he never had any respect for Howard Stern. He said the radio division only made a couple hundred million.
Howard kept going with the Les and Julie impression after letting the caller go. He said he thinks that's enough of that. Robin said he just keeps bringing it up. Howard said he went through 2 megaphones with that bit.
Howard said it's all weird. He said he's not sure what to think about all of that. Robin said it would be interesting to know what it was like at the end there at CBS. Robin said a lot was going on behind the scenes.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he wants to say it's not right to do all of this. He said women are very intelligent. He asked why a woman who gets her ass beat doesn't have the ability... Howard cut him off saying he has to go. King said he wants to know why they don't leave. Howard said he isn't going to indulge this. He said he's a nut. He hung up on King and did a live commercial read before going to break.
Howard said his wife is going to be on Rachel Ray's show today. He said that someone is talking to Robin over here. Robin said it was Richard. Howard told him to get the fuck back in his office. He said one thing about Richard is that if you meet him in the hall is that he'll just keep talking. Robin said she asked him one question and he followed her. Howard said he just keeps talking. He said he swears there's something wrong with him. Howard said he was saying that his wife is on Rachel Ray today. Robin missed that.
Howard read his notes and took a call from High Pitch Erik who called in as Julie Chen. Howard tried to go with the bit and asked why he's mad at him. ''Julie'' said that it's because of all of the women he has sex with. Howard did his Les impression and said he just did this for an hour. He asked Erik to break out of character for a second. Erik said yes in the same voice. Howard said he did the bit for an hour so why did he call in with the same thing. Erik said he just woke up.
Howard said he figured he didn't do a good enough job with the impression. Erik said he did. He just thought he could get in on it.
Erik told Howard he got approved for medical marijuana. Howard said he has lived a remarkable life. He said his life story should be a movie. He said he's managed to have an apartment and he has a chauffeur and now he has a medical marijuana card. He said it's been an incredible life. Erik said he hasn't gone to the dispensary yet. He said he has to see his options.
Howard asked if he gets it free or does he have money. Erik said he has to get a vape and get the liquid. Howard asked how much weight he's lost. Erik said he lost over 100 pounds so far. He said he weighted himself today and he's down to 287.
Robin said you get he munchies when you're high so he will try to eat more. Erik said he tries not to. Robin asked what he eats. Erik said he had two tablespoons of peanut butter. He said he had some cantaloupe too. Howard said he's too thin to work there now. He said the rest of the staff are all fatter than Erik.
Erik said last month was his 21st anniversary of being on the show. Howard said he didn't know that. He said he should have done a tribute. Howard asked if he has eaten any fast food since his surgery. Erik said not at all. Howard said this country is amazing. He said he seems to get all of the health care he needs.
Cindy said she had been listening to the show since 1999 and she knew about JD when he started out there. She said they went into Hooters and JD was staring at the tits on their waitress. She said they got wings and it was a mess. She said that it wasn't great at all. Howard said it must have turned her on. Cindy said she was super wet.
Howard asked what they talked about. Cindy said that JD was saying he didn't want to date someone who knew the show so well. Robin asked why he went on a date with her then. Cindy said he texted her for weeks after the date. Howard said no one would date him if they don't know the show. He said he thinks he can find someone who doesn't know the show who would date him.
Cindy said JD tried to kiss him after the date. She said she knew about the teeth and hygiene. JD said that she did send him some pictures though. JD said that she can say whatever she wants and she's being funny. Howard asked if this is at true story. JD said they did go to Hooters but it wasn't his idea as far as he remembers.
Howard asked why Cindy went on the date. She said that she did it because she loves the show. She said that she thought JD was endearing too. She said that she was never going to date him. JD said that he remembers her. He said he doesn't think he has the pictures she sent. He said they were topless though.
Howard asked why she'd send them. Cindy said she doesn't think they were topless. Howard asked why she didn't send them to him. Cindy said that she didn't have his number.
Gary said Benjy is upset and demanding to know how he hit on her. Cindy said that he asked for her full name and it was a very minimal thing. She said it was more persistent with JD. Howard asked Benjy if he tried to make an attempt with her. Cindy said that she's not going to give her name on the air. Benjy said he doesn't like what she did to JD. He said he was just being friendly to her and he doesn't like it when they think you're shitting on them when you're just being friendly.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirellla who said fuck this chick. He said she used JD. He said she's a user. He said she probably has a ton of ex boyfriends. Cindy said she's happy for JD.
Howard asked if Cindy is single. She said she's weighting her options. Ralph said she's so high maintenance. Howard said he likes that they went to Hooters. Ralph said JD isn't going to bring a girl there. JD said it was a mutual thing to go there and have some fun.
Howard asked if JD licked his fingers on the date. JD said he's sure he was disgusting on the date. Robin thanked Cindy for taking him on a date and teaching him what it's like being on a date. Ralph said he has a chick who is way out of his league now so there. Howard said what a way to compliment him.
Howard let Cindy go and played a song parody about JD. He said that JD is now married for all of the women out there who were wondering. Howard went to break after that.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing the part of the guy who was jerking off hearing Howard eating on the air.
Howard said there used to be a puppet show on TV when he was growing up called Kukla, Fran and Ollie. He said it was really weird. He said he was thinking about how he was doing the Julie and Les thing and thinking he should do a puppet show like Kukla, Fran and Ollie. He said he could do that for the app. He said that would be kind of fun. He said you can buy very cheap puppets to do that with. Robin said they didn't try at all with those puppets.
Howard said he was a marionette guy as a kid. He said he had a sailor guy puppet and the guy played every male part. He said he would be doing Fiddler on the Roof and a sailor was playing Tevia. He said it made no sense. He said he was an American Sailor playing a Jewish guy in an apartment.
Howard said he could do the puppet show with Fred's socks. Fred said his socks are black. Howard said he could have Les face fucking a puppet until it vomits. He said it could be good for the app.
Howard read about some of the people who were at the concert and Gary was there. He said that Jon Bon Jovi and Amy Schumer were there. Howard said that Gary's wife was there and saw Amy's husband and said he's very good looking.
Howard said he was watching 60 Minutes and they did a story about cloning. He said that this guy set up a business to clone a horse that was really good at racing. He said that when you do that you essentially get the same, exact horse. He said the guy is invincible now. Robin said she was wondering about that. Howard said that you get into the ethical question about cloning people. He said he knows wealthy people are thinking about doing it to harvest body parts. Howard said he was wondering what's with Hollywood because they should clone Brad Pitt. Robin said they do the virtual stuff instead. Howard said that's no good. He said you take a Pam Anderson or a George Clooney and clone them.
Howard said he would have to clone Fred because he needs someone to do the sound effects if he dies. He said he could go on another 25 years.
Howard said they should give them another George Clooney. Robin said there are kids who are even better looking than their parents. Howard said sometimes it works but sometimes good looking people have ugly kids. He said they can't take that chance.
Howard said Gary and some of the staff had a strange moment with Gary. He said The Lump was trying to get in and Gary walked right by. Gary said there was a line to get in and there was a group of people watching that line. He said he ignored someone yelling out his name and it turned out it was Chris Wilding and The Lump. The Lump said they were the non VIPs. He said there were about 500 people hoping to get in and he and Chris were there. He said they had to hang out around the back and they were not those people who got in. He said that there were a few people who got in.
Howard said Gary was on the line for contest winners. Gary said he wasn't on the list like Chris Rock was.
Howard said the playlist looks amazing. He said he played some of the songs he talked about on the show so he was thinking that might have inspired him to play some of those. Howard said Gary stood next to Sean Lennon. He said that he got to see Paul on stage and not his dad. Gary said he heard he goes to a bunch of the shows. Gary said it has to be strange to see a stranger do his father's music. Howard said maybe it's cool to see someone performing his father's music.
Howard said Gary got to watch Sean with his really hot girlfriend. Gary said she was insanely skinny and very attractive. Howard said Sean looks like John did back in the day when he was with Yoko. Gary said Paul did Blackbird 3 times. He said he screwed it up twice and started it over.
Howard said he would have trouble standing through a concert that long. He said he's too old. Gary said it was an hour and 40 minutes long. Howard said he couldn't stand that long.
Howard was throwing his Les Moonves impression into that discussion. He said he's going to do a Julie, Howard and Les puppet show. Howard asked Gary if they have any puppets. Gary said he thinks they might be in storage. Gary said he has one and it's the Gary Puppet. Howard said he needs a hand puppet that he can work. He said he has to work the equipment. Gary said they'll talk about it after the show. Howard said just get it. He said he knows what he wants. Gary said he has a sock puppet. Howard told him to bring it in so he can check it out.
Gary came in with the puppet and said it's JD's. He said he thinks that it was supposed to be The Lump. He said only JD's hand has been in it. Howard stuck his hand in it and did his Les impression with the puppet. He had a discussion with Robin. Howard did his Les impression for a few minutes. Les said he can't believe Howard's hand is up where JD's hand was. Howard did the puppet thing for a short time. Robin said she likes this. Robin said just wait until they get Julie. Howard said he sued him and now he got his come uppance.
Howard had Les talking about the severance package money going to the MeToo movement and things like that. He and Robin were talking about the puppet thing and Les disappeared. Howard said he keeps popping in and out. Howard said he's going to put this up on the app.
Howard said his hand is sweating in that puppet. Robin said JD must have sweat in there too. Howard had the camera guy cutting to the puppet when he's speak as Les. Les puppet asked Robin to make a puppet of herself and suck his puppet cock.
Howard had Les puppet telling Ronan Farrow to go fuck himself. Howard asked Robin how she liked that. Robin said he should have a whole array of puppets. Howard said now his hand smells like JD. He told the guys to put that show up on the app. He said he wants to see it.
Howard said look what he does for you people listening. He said he put on JD's sock puppet. He said he needs his hand sanitizer. He asked if anyone out there was watching and if it works for the app. Gary said he loved it. He said he started laughing as soon as Les started talking.
Howard asked Benjy what he thinks about it. He got back to Gary and Sean Lennon's girlfriend. Benjy came in with a sock on his hand. He said it was so fun and cute. He said people will love it. He said he should put it on the app and do the puppet show more. Howard told Benjy to get out. He said he's had enough.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she went to see Beck a few years ago and Sean and his girlfriend opened up for him. He said the girlfriend had cut off shorts and nothing on underneath them. She said she could see quite a lot. Howard said she could see up her shorts. The caller said she saw bits and pieces.
Howard said that he just got a picture of the girlfriend. He said look at that. He said he wishes his father was in the Beatles. Robin said it doesn't hurt to be a son of a Beatles. Howard said he'd go see her in a band. Fred said she plays bass and sings.
Howard said Sean and his girlfriend are in a band called The Ghost of a Saber Tooth Tiger. He said they tried to get Sean to do a song for their music special there and he didn't do it. He said he may not like him. Gary said Steve said he does like him and they just weren't able to get it together.
Howard played more of the song and said it sounds like a haunted house. Howard said Robin should cover it. Robin said she's not sure she could.
Howard said he has more of her album. He said JD put this down as Yoko's ''moan solo.'' He said she just moans like she's an instrument. Howard played some of that and said she's like Eddie Van Halen. He said maybe shitty singing is an instrument.
Howard said he loves the Beatles and they changed the whole world. Robin said they took over everything. she said they were fashion and everything. Howard said this is the one thing he didn't get about John. He said Paul pointed it out that he didn't get it either but he loved her.
Howard said this song also has a moan solo in it. Howard played another Yoko song where she moans. He said if you played this in your home someone is going to call the cops.
Howard said that John put out an album called Double Fantasy that had every other song as a Yoko Ono song. Robin said she just blanked out on that.
Howard said he has a song Robin will like. It's called Woman Power. He played some of that for Robin. Howard said it's another song where she's moaning along with a guitar solo. He said he thinks Beetlejuice's music is better.
Howard said this song is almost a real song. Robin asked if she writes anything. Howard said she has a few notes scribbled somewhere.
Howard said her newest song is called ''Why.'' He said it has an elephant sound for no apparent reason. Howard played some of that. Yoko was asking why and an elephant sound was in there. Howard said the follow up to that song is called ''When.''
Howard said every song is her yelling the name of the song. He said her methodology is saying the same thing over and over again. Robin said Paul had such good reasons for his lyrics. Howard said he would love to have a sit down with Yoko to ask her how she came up with her songs.
Howard played more of Yoko ''singing'' her songs. Gary said if you want to know how Yoko feels about him Steve told him that he spoke to her representative and he said if he brought up Howard's name he'd be fired. Robin did her Yoko impression and Howard said she sounds pretty good. Howard said he heard she's doing a special show behind the Port Authority on Friday night.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she was wondering if he should share with the listeners what happened in Les' office that day. Howard said he has to get the puppet out again. Howard had Les puppet talking about how Howard cried like a little bitch that day in his office. Howard said he doesn't want to tell that story again. He said he's told it twice already and it's enough. Howard did his Les puppet for a minute even though he wasn't telling that story. He spoke to Robin for a short time. Howard wasn't sticking his hand in the puppet this time. He was holding it up though.
Les puppet was talking about how he hired Stephen Colbert and James Corden. He was bragging about that. He said lets see Bob Iger pick shows. Les was talking about how people laughed at him when he picked Stephen Colbert. He said they said he'd never be number 1. He also bragged about the Hawaii Five-O reboot. Les told Robin to come over there and blow him.
Howard ended up yelling at Les puppet about what he did to him. Les was telling Howard to lick his taint. Les puppet told Howard to cry right now. Howard said fuck you in a quivering voice. Les puppet asked to see Robin's beav. Robin said he has no power anymore. Les puppet kept going with Robin for a few minutes.
Howard said he has to put a stop to this. He said it's inappropriate. He said that he is going to kick his ass if he continues to talk to Robin like that. Les puppet said that Howard is a crying little bitch. Les said his hair looks like a wig. Howard had him pull on his hair to show it was real. Robin said she's not sure what's wrong with him. Fred said he thinks he can do the Les puppet with the megaphone and work the puppets with two fingers. Les puppet told him to shut the fuck up over there.
Howard said he might have a Julie puppet tomorrow. He said they'll have that up on the app at some point.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he has to pay to get the app by paying more even though he has a lifetime subscription. Howard said he doesn't know why that is. Howard said someone explained that you have the lifetime with that piece of equipment but not the app or something. He said he doesn't have the answer for all of that shit. the caller said he would like to get Mariann banned from the show for a year. Howard said you can't do that. He said he'd miss her if she didn't call in.
Howard had Mariann on the phone and as soon as she got on she was calling the guy an asshole. She was screaming at him and Howard hung up on her a short time later. He said he might agree with the caller about banning her. Howard said he doesn't know the answer to his question about the app though. They played a Mariann from Brooklyn song parody after that.
Howard said he threw the Les puppet across the room at Fred. He got it back and did his Les puppet voice again. Les puppet was talking about how he'd shut Mariann up by sticking his cock in her mouth. Howard did that for a little longer. He asked Robin to rub her nips on his eyes. He said he has to take a break. He said he needs more hand sanitizer. Howard said they cant be doing a puppet show on radio. He said they'll put it on the app though. They went to break a short time later.
Howard played the call the guys made to this sports radio show. They picked up on the Gary clips and they had Gary reading those Rapaport messages and the radio hosts got all upset about them and insulted him back.
Howard said fantasy football started up again. He asked if Rapaport is back in with them. Gary said he is. He said he's been after Brent lately. He said they had some words off the air at the Wrap Up Show once and now he doesn't like Brent. Howard said Brent can give it back so he might win that war of words. Robin said Rapaport is awfully articulate.
Howard took a call from a guy who said over the years he's progressively getting better and better so he's wondering when it all changed for him. Howard said he'll answer that when he announces his new project. He said he'll make that announcement at some point about the secret project.
Howard took another call from a guy who was speaking so fast that Howard didn't hear what he said. The guy asked when he retires from radio if he'll get a TV show. Howard said when he's done there he's done for good. He said he's not going to do a TV show. Howard said he thinks that guy's phone line just sucked. Howard said he's just going to sit when he retires. Howard said phones are getting worse and worse.
Howard played a ''Lady Private Parts'' commercial parody. They had Sarah Silverman as Lady Howard Stern and Nick Cannon as Mr. Robin Quivers. They had Sharon Osbourne as Fred and Whitney Cummings as Pig Virus. They had David Spade as the listener who sat on the speaker.
Howard said he'd go see that. He said that's Lady Private Parts. He took a call from Apples who said he knows he never resorts to physical violence but does he think he could beat up Simon Cowell, Mel Gibson or Les Moonves. Howard said Les is a big guy. He said he use do have upper body strength but he thinks that Les could over power him. He said he couldn't beat up any of them. Fred said he thinks he'd have a shot against Les. He said maybe Simon. Howard said he doesn't think so. Fred said Simon is a big puss. Howard said he couldn't even beat up JD. He said he's a nerd. Fred said he thinks if he ran away from him he'd be out of breath and he could beat him up.
Apples asked if Beth complained about someone and asked him to come down there what would he do. Howard said he'd call his security and have them do it.
Howard said one time George Hamilton wanted to beat him up. He said he was afraid of that guy. He said he doesn't think he could beat up anyone. He said he's been in a million fights but not lately. He said that was back in high school. He said women beat him up there. He said they choked him out and everything.
Robin said she remembers when Gary Busey grabbed him he took Gary down. Howard said he got upset and he took him down. He said he ran into Gary in the hall there and he was telling him about his new book.
Robin said that Shaquille O'Neil was in there and everyone backed off of him. Howard said a lot of the kids he grew up with were from tough areas. Gary said there was also Scott Muni. Howard said he could have beaten him up too.
Howard said he has someone on the phone who says he can beat his ass. He had Chris Wilding on the line doing his Steven Hawking impression and saying that even though he's dead and in a wheelchair he could kick his ass. Howard spent a minute with him.
Howard said he could kick his ass. He said all of those other guys could beat him up. Apples asked if he saw Rapaport grabbing robin's tittie or something and Ronnie wasn't there what would he do. Howard said he'd call his other two guys in there. He said he can't beat anyone up. He let Apples go after that. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he just didn't have a great upbringing. He said they were over in England and Dee Snider jumped into the crowd and beat some guy up. He said he must have had some purple drink. He wondered what that was that they put in that drink. Robin said it was some mineral that was in that country. Howard said that's cool. Jason said it was called Vibranium.
Howard said that movie was good. He said that it was all black people and one white guy. Robin said there weren't any white people in Crazy Rich Asians. Howard said he liked Black Panther. He said he likes any super power movie.
Howard said he would love to have a power like that. He said he thinks he'd turn evil though. Robin said Howard didn't see the movie ''Split'' did he. Howard said he didn't. He said he will watch that though.
Howard said that Page Six did mention that he was consulted about the new Bachelor. Robin said there's a prison radio show and someone on there said he was brought up on Howard Stern. Someone brought up a back problem and they brought up Dr. Sarno.
Howard said this is his mention on Page Six. Howard played a clip where they said they did speak to some sources about why Colton was picked. They said that they did ask Howard Stern about it.
Howard said that poor woman has to report on The Bachelor. Howard said they asked him what they thought of going with Colton. He said he discussed it with his wife and they thought it would be great. Howard said he didn't have one sleepless night over that decision. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin started her news with a story about it being Suicide Prevention Day today. Robin said a lot of people have been taking their lives at their own hand. Howard said a lot of people like Chris Cornell, Kate Spade and more. Robin said Mac Miller overdosed on drugs and that could be considered suicide. Robin said they say that over 800,000 people a year commit suicide. She said that means it happens every 40 seconds. Howard said he gets down sometimes but suicide isn't an option. He said he's always surprised when someone hangs themselves. He said he just complains all day instead. He said there isn't a thing he doesn't complain about. He said it drives his wife nuts. He said he's overly negative. He said he tells her about things and she'll just tell him ''Shhh.''
Robin read a story about how tomorrow is 9/11 and it's been 17 years since the attacks. Robin said that Flight 93 was the one that the passengers took down to stop it from crashing into a building. Robin said they have erected a memorial for that flight and it's two concrete towers. Robin said behind those two columns are wind chimes. Howard said Robin must love that. Howard said tomorrow is a Tuesday and that's what it was in 2001. Howard said he doesn't think he'd have the courage to crash a plane with himself in it. Howard said it's remarkable what they did. Robin read more about the crashed plane and the wind chimes they have there for each person on the flight. Howard said he won't bad mouth the wind chimes there.
Robin read more about the 9/11 attacks and had some audio of Paul McCartney talking about how he was in the air in a plane when he heard about the first attack. Robin had audio of Vin Diesel talking about 9/11. That led to Howard talking about Bobo and how he lost someone in 9/11 but not on that day. Bobo was on the phone so he took that call and Bobo said that his brother's daughter was in the building and he had a heart attack the next day because he wasn't able to get in touch with her. Bobo said he believes in his heart that he had that heart attack from the 9/11 attacks. Gary said Bobo told him that those mother fuckers killed his brother. Howard said you can't say that you lost someone if they weren't in the building or on a plane that day. Bobo said it had to have added to it. Bobo said he thinks the whole trauma of the thing is what did him in.
Howard said he lost his aunt in Pearl Harbor. He said she went there last year and drown. He said you can't say you lost someone in 9/11. Bobo said he thinks he did though. Howard splayed a song parody about Bobo that Eli Braden did.
Gary came in with a picture of Bobo wearing a 9/11 jacket with patches all over it. Howard asked if this is stolen valor. Robin and Gary said yes. Howard said Robin has to see this. Robin said you'd think he lost someone in the tower looking at that. Howard said Mariann lost someone for real. Robin said it was a sister in law or something. He had Mariann on the phone. Mariann said she did lose someone on 9/11 who worked for Cantor Fitzgerald. She said that was Jodi. She said Bobo is out of his mind. She said he feels it was indirectly but he didn't lose anyone on 9/11. She said he ha a big heart but a confused mind. Howard asked if she has as many patches as Bobo. Mariann said no. She said she did wear her Les Moonves t-shirt to bed last night. she said she's going to see if that mother fucker Julie Chen shows up today. Howard hung up on her and said Julie didn't do anything wrong.
Howard and Robin got back to the 9/11 stuff and played more audio of people commenting on that day. Howard said he wants to know how Bobo gets six patches on his 9/11 jacket. He said there's not just six but 8 patches on there. He said there's actually 9. He asked where you wear that jacket. He said he didn't even lose anyone there. He said that he lost his brother the next day to a heart attack.
Gary said he was told he wore it to Disney World. Howard said he's not sure what Bobo is up to with that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a veteran and he's glad they brought up the suicide thing. He said 22 vets a day lose their lives to suicide. He let him go a short time later.
Howard took a call from Bobo and asked him what's up with the 10 patches on his jacket. Bobo said he talked to the MTA police and he put them on his jacket. Robin asked why they gave them to him. Bobo said they asked if he wanted them. Robin asked if he told them that he lost someone on 9/11. Bobo said they know the story. He said he told them ''indirectly.'' Howard asked if there is stuff on the back too. Bobo said there is a big patch on the back. Howard asked if he wore it to Disney. Bobo said he didn't. Howard said he thinks he's going to be moved up in line. Bobo said he has never worn that to Disney. He said he wore it out to get coffee one day.
Gary said Shuli is working on an expose about Bobo and his awards. He said he's found out that they're not what they're cracked up to be. Howard asked if he has ever made up any of his awards. Bobo said never. He said he can give him a lie detector test. Gary said Shuli is on his way in.
Shuli came in and said he can't get out to Bobo's place but he trusted him enough to have him send photos of the awards he has. He said that half of them don't even have his name on them. He said he has one to show Howard. Bobo said they all have to do with him. Howard said there's nothing about Bobo in this one. Bobo explained it that he had a partner. Shuli said that this partner never came up before. He said that his question is who won the awards. He said there's a picture in there of a Xerox copy of an award. Bobo told him to call his teaching partner. He said call the MTA police.
Shuli said he has also worn that jacket out more than he says he has. Bobo said he wore it to work every day. Bobo mentioned something about surviving a railroad (or wailwoad as Bobo said) accident. Howard said he has heard enough for today. He said that they want to hear more about Shuli's investigation.
Howard saw another thing that Bobo made up on his own as an award. Shuli said that's not an award. It was home made. Bobo said he's lucky to be alive after that accident. Howard said Bobo gets awards for everything. Howard said they never get anything.
Howard and Fred were goofing on Bobo about the way he pronounces some words like Elmer Fudd. Howard let Bobo go a short time later. Howard asked Shuli when he'll be done with that piece. Shuli said by next week he'll be done. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said imagine how crazy you'd think he was if he said that he lost someone in 9/11 if he lost a brother the day after and started wearing a jacket. Robin said and saying that the terrorists killed your brother. Robin said a lot of people died on September 12.
Robin read a story about Mac Miller dying. Robin said he as a Pittsburgh rapper. Robin said they call his music frat rap. She had some of his stuff for Howard to play.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Bobo is a shit head for doing what he does with that jacket. Howard said enough with Bobo. Ralph said that he saw Beth on Rachel Ray and she looks the same if not better than she did 20 years ago. He said her face and body are perfect. He said Howard is really lucky. Howard said he has Ralph to thank for meeting Beth. He said he took him to a party where he met her. Ralph said that's the only reason he keeps him around. He said Howard didn't even want to go out that night. He said he remembers Howard asking if there were going to be chicks there. He said he just wanted him to go hang out. Howard let him go after that.
Robin talked more about Mac Miller and how he dated Ariana Grande. Robin said she put out an Instagram about how upset she was about his death. Robin said people were blaming her for his death. Howard said the poor girl went out with him. He said you don't blame her for that. Robin had some audio of Elton John doing a tribute to Mac Miller at a concert.
Robin read a story about Les Moonves stepping down from his job at CBS. Howard told her not to start with that. He said he'll have to get the puppet out. Robin had some clips from some news reports about that story. Howard did a second of his Les puppet impression before playing some clips. Howard did more Les puppet after the clip. He said he's drained by doing that puppet today. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about an op-ed that appeared in the paper last week about the President. Howard said he read that. Robin said this was an anonymous post. Howard said that Trump wasn't able to say ''anonymous'' and said ''anomynos'' instead. He said he doesn't have the clip. Robin said she would have it pulled. Fred had it so he played it for Howard and Robin. Robin wondered if he really can't be familiar with that term. Robin said they say that this person is a higher up at the White House and Mike Pence was out saying that it didn't come from his office. Robin had some audio of Kellyanne Conway talking about that person as well.
Robin read about the new book that Bob Woodward has out today called Fear. Robin had some details of that book. Robin told Howard about some of the things Woodward claims in the book.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's been listening since 1981. He said he just saw his wife on Rachel Ray. He said she's as beautiful as ever. Howard said he can't believe she married him. He said he's really horrible to look at. Robin asked what that has to do with her marrying him. Howard said look at this, it says that Les will stay at CBS for another 2 years in an advisory role. Robin said that is not going to happen. That led to Howard doing the Les puppet character a little more. He said he likes this puppet. He said that the thing is green with shit growing on it.
Robin read a story about Governor Andrew Cuomo claiming he knew nothing about a flyer that went out about Cynthia Nixon being Anti-Semitic. Robin had some audio of Cuomo talking about that. Robin said that Nixon was upset by that because her children are being raised Jewish.
Robin read a story about Nike and how their sales are soaring after their ad with Colin Kaepernick. Robin said Tiger Woods is endorsing the new ad. Robin had some audio of Tiger talking about the commercial.
Robin read a story about Olivia Newton John fighting cancer for the third time. Robin said she told a show that she has a tumor at the base of her spine. Howard said he can't believe they can't come up with a cure for all of this. He said it's ridiculous already.
Robin read a story about the Miss America pageant airing last night on ABC with no bathing suit competition. Robin said she'd like to know what the ratings were. She said they emphasized the talent competition. Robin said Miss Michigan caught everyone's attention when she talked about the problems in Flint, Michigan. Robin said Miss New York won. She wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how he's all tanked up on his coffee this morning. He said it has kicked in. He said he has a picture of himself and Rob Zombie recording this opening song. He said it's a beautiful picture. He said he had longer flowing hair. He said Rob had his hair too. He said they were all hair and sunglasses. He said they were all cool looking. He said he had a plaid type work shirt on so he looked very grunge. He said he had the right stuff on for that recording session.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him to retire the Les Moonves impression. Howard asked if he's kidding. He said he's the only one. He said he got a shit load of email about it. He said he got so much feedback about that puppet show he did yesterday. He said it's up on the app. He said because this caller said that he's not going to show the Julie Chen puppet that Ralph made yesterday. He said he has a new Les Moonves puppet with his penis sticking out. He said he even has a female doctor puppet that examines Les in the nude. He said because this Jason guy called with that he's not going to show the puppets. He said they won't show the new Julie puppet. He said he went so far as to make her look like an Asian woman who had surgery on her eyes.
Howard said he's going to introduce Robin to the puppet but not the audience. Robin asked if they can just ask the guy to turn off his radio. Howard said it's very arrogant for a guy to ask him to stop doing something when he's been doing radio for 40 years.
Howard said he's going to show this to Robin now and not anyone else. Howard did his Les Moonves impression with the puppet for Robin but said that Jason will never see this. Jason said he apologizes to the audience for this.
Les Puppet was showing Robin his penis and Robin said she can see he's very excited. Howard said he was so excited when he saw the Julie Chen puppet. He said there was one girl who claimed Les had her in the office and said he was getting a glass of wine and came back in with no pants on. Robin said this is what these guys do apparently. She said that's what Harvey Weinstein was doing too. Howard said it sounds like it was a Risky Business scene with him in his underpants.
Howard told Jason to fuck off and hung up on the guy. Robin told Howard more about the Les Moonves stuff that she was reading about. Howard brought out the Julie Puppet. He did his Julie impression for a short time.
Howard said Ralph made this Julie puppet for him and he used one of his old socks and it smells so bad. He said everyone smells it. He said it's wafting through the room. He said the puppet is funny as hell but it smells so bad. He said the whole thing stinks. Julie said that's the smell of pain. He said his hand reeks of Ralph now.
Howard said it seems like stolen valor. Bobo said it was to show respect. Howard said no. He said it wasn't. Bobo said he never said he lost someone on 9/11. Howard said he told them he did. Bobo said he always used ''indirectly.'' Gary said he did not. He said he probed into it and he said it was indirectly. He said that's not how it started. Bobo said that's what he thought it was. Robin said maybe he should go reevaluate this statement.
Bobo said he's going to remove all of the patches and leave the Steven Singer pin that he has on it. He said he doesn't want to offend anyone.
Howard said yesterday they were talking about this jean jacket that Bobo has with patches on it from 9/11. He said that it looked like he had something to do with that day. He said you assume he's ex-military or something. He said Bobo created this faux 9/11 jacket. Howard said Bobo claimed he had lost someone on 9/11 but it was actually on 9/12 and it had nothing to do with the attacks.
Howard said in defense of Bobo he's calling him a moron to get him out of this. He said he's trying to get him some sympathy. Bobo said he got death threats over this. Howard said Bobo was classified an idiot in the IQ test. Bobo said it was in the 80s. Howard said he's in the dull area of the IQ test. He said he made that jacket and he was trying to show he was affected by 9/11 and it was only because he's an idiot. He said he's not being insulting. He said his IQ was 87. He said Bobo said it was 88 but it's 87. Bobo said he wasn't sure if it was 87 or 88. Howard said all the points matter when it's that low.
Howard said Bobo is an idiot because he spelled Nixon ''Nickson'' in the essay they asked him to write. He said he's just a few points away from eating his own shoes. Howard said on that horrific day they say that Bobo is a complete idiot and had no idea that his 9/11 patches were stolen valor.
Howard said he has a first responder on the phone to say hello to Bobo. He took the call from the guys in the back who were playing the part of the angry caller. They told Bobo that he should be wearing those patches on this day. Robin said Bobo's wig is flying off from this today.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he met Bobo at a flea market years ago and he was selling autographs and stuff. He was selling 9/11 patches and stuff. Bobo said this guy is a liar. He said he never sells anything.
The caller said that Bobo introduced himself as Bobo from the Howard Stern Show that day. Bobo said he never does that.
Gary said Bobo likes to tell people that he worked for the government. He said he was a driving instructor and a postal worker. He said that he acts like he's Jack Bauer because he thinks that ISIS is looking for him because he worked for the government. Bobo said they call them G-men and someone got a hold of their social security numbers and a lot of stuff went down. Howard said with that suave look he has they might have thought he was James Bond. Howard and Fred did their Elmer Fudd-like voice for Bobo and said some James Bond lines. Gary said a G-man is an FBI agent too. He said that's not what they call government employees.
Howard said his IQ is 007. Howard asked if Bobo knows what a G-man is. Bobo said it's someone who works for the government. Howard said now he's stolen an FBI agent identity. He said he was a postal service guy and now he calls himself a G-man.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who said he saw Bobo celebrating on 9/11. It was The Lump calling in as a guy who said he saw him yelling Allah Akbar and burning an American flag.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Bobo is lying purposely. Howard said he's a G-man. He said that he's walking around telling people that he lost someone on 9/11 ''indirectly.'' Robin said he should have a 9/12 patch. Howard said he's surprised that he didn't cover himself in soot. Bobo said he wouldn't do that. Howard said Bobo is a moron. The caller told Howard he's killing it.
Howard said he went home yesterday and started doing the Les Moonves puppet. He said he has the nurse puppet too. He said Ralph made the Julie Chen puppet too. Robin brought up the Les Moonves story about the doctor who he was hitting on. Howard brought in the puppets and started to do his Les and Julie impressions. He said he'd bring in the Julie puppet but it smells.
Howard had the Les Puppet with his penis hanging out talking to the doctor puppet. Robin said his teeth look like horse teeth. Les said they're bigger than his cock. Howard had Les asking the doctor for a hand job and the nurse saying that she has never had anyone ask for that before. Howard had the doctor blowing the Les Puppet. Robin said Les said he only kissed her. Howard had the two kiss. He also had him apologizing to her for what he did.
Les Puppet was telling the doctor to do stuff to him. He asked her to vomit on his balls too. Howard said he had all of those puppets but he won't be doing anymore because of that caller.
Howard said he wrote Jim Henson a letter asking to be a puppeteer and they wrote back saying they didn't need him. He said he used to do puppet shows as a kid and he wanted to work for them. Robin said every kid did puppets. Howard said now Jim Henson is going to be upset when he sees this puppet.
Howard did more of his Les Puppet thing and had him talking to Robin. Howard said they have to get back to Bobo. He said he's not bringing Julie out because the puppet smells. Robin said she wanted to talk to her about not being on The Talk yesterday. Howard said they'll get to that later.
Howard said someone sent him this Indian puppet. He said he has another one there too. He said they ordered a bunch. He said they got them in a day. Howard said look who's there. He had Les and Julie's kid there. He had a baby puppet.
Robin said she was looking on the internet and people are taking great glee in just showing pictures of Les. Robin said they show a whole slideshow of him on the red carpet. Howard said everyone is getting brave. He said that he talked about what a scum bag he was back when he was being sued and no one was talking. He said now they're all coming out. He said it was just weird. He said he's hearing from everyone now. He said that everyone tells him the stories.
Howard said he threw the puppet somewhere. He pulled it out again and had one last comment for Les to make. Howard had Les Puppet talking about how the women all liked his cock other than the woman who threw up when he put it in her mouth. Les Puppet was talking about the women who vomited out of joy when the met him. He said they were so excited to meet him that they just threw up. Les Puppet said that things are being blown out of proportion now. Robin said a massage parlor had a note about him. Les Puppet said they loved him there. He said that he went there many times. Les Puppet said 99.9999 of the women he was with loved his cock in the end. He said that this Ronan Farrow was very unfair because he didn't interview any of the women who loved his cock.
Howard said that's enough of that. He said he has some mail about Bobo. He said that he got mail about his Les and Julie stuff yesterday. He said he got one negative. He said that they wrote that they didn't want to hear 2 hours of that or about Yoko Ono. Howard said he should fucking leave if his judgment is that bad.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's thinking about mojo and guys having game to get women. He said these guys have so much power that they have to force women to get them. Howard said that's incredible. He said Les could get a ton of women based on his position. He said that wasn't fun for him. He said it was scaring them that worked for him. The caller said that he had all of that power and it wasn't enough. He said it makes him crazy.
Howard said he's sure the ratings for The Talk were huge yesterday. Robin said she was watching. Howard said everyone there was gathered around watching. He said Sharon had to read a statement about it. Howard said Sara Gilbert is like the kiss of death. He said she has the Roseanne show and now The Talk. Howard had the Les Puppet saying it's enough about Les Moonves already. Les Puppet said Bobo is a scumbag.
Howard said poor Sara Gilbert has all of this stuff imploding around her. He said she had the number one show with Roseanne and she's doing the 9th season of The Talk. He said now all of this is falling apart.
Howard said they have to listen to Sharon reading the statement. He said she loves to yap and scream about shit but it's tough when you work with someone like that. Howard said Julie had to stay home to service Les. He was doing his Les voice when he was talking about that.
Howard said Julie's statement was odd. He said she's not on The Talk but she's going to be on Big Brother on Thursday. Howard said she likes that because no one in that house knows that Les is no longer the most powerful man in show business. Howard said that's why she loves that show. Howard said that Les must not love that she's staying home. He said she's home crying and yelling at him. He asked if you can imagine. Robin said the saddest thing is the children. She said that has to rip you apart. Howard said that they're going to raise their kid in the Big Brother house so the kid never sees the news.
Howard asked if the kid is going to take the Chen name. Robin said no one is talking about the child. Robin said she's the only one thinking of Charlie. Robin said that he was the most powerful man in show business two days ago.
Howard asked if anyone cares about Bobo's 9/11 jacket. He said he'll read some email about that. He said that it was vicious. Howard said there was an avalanche of email about it. Howard read some of that mail and someone was talking about how frightening Bobo is. There were people talking about how dumb he is and how he has more stitches in his head than he does in that jacket. People were calling for him to be banned from the show. Howard said someone said he has a big heart but a confused mind. Howard said that was a nice one.
Howard said people were saying that he should be banned from the show. He read a couple of those. He said people were saying that he lies all the time and he should be banned.
Howard said as long as they have Bobo on the phone he has to play some of his anti-Brent voicemails. Bobo said he'll tell him why. He said that Brent has a problem with him. He said there's a level of decency you have to have. Howard said he'll explain this. He said Brent went on the Wrap Up Show and said that he is so over Bobo and he doesn't want to hear him on the show anymore. Howard said Bobo lit into Brent on the voicemail. He said that Brent doesn't like him and he doesn't say hello to him when he shows up there. Bobo said he never did anything to Brent.
Howard asked Brent if he's really over Bobo. Brent said yes. Howard asked what he thinks about the jacket. Brent said it's funny and he was over Bobo until today. He said he does love that he's such an idiot. Bobo asked why he has a problem with him. Brent said he likes him as a human being. He said his calls get shticky. He said this is for real so he likes this. He said that's funny. he said he likes the guy but not the shtick that he does for the show to get air time.
Brent said he has nothing to do with guests so he never says anything to any of them. He said it's not just Bobo. Bobo said that Gary always says hi to him and talks to him. Howard said that is Gary's job. Brent said it is and he also does that with every guest.
Howard asked why the staff has to say hi to Bobo. Brent said the staff shouldn't be coming in to say hi to him. Bobo said all of the guys come in and ask how he's doing. He said even JD turns and says hi to him. He said it's nice to get acknowledged. Brent said he's just doing his job. He said he sees people in the hall he doesn't say hi to ether. He said that they all have a job to do and that's what he's doing. Bobo said he could have just said hi when he walked by. Brent said he's over Bobo's shtick. He said he doesn't like when he makes stuff up for the show.
Brent said you can't make up this 9/11 jacket thing. He said that he's telling people he worked or the government and he was just working for the post office. Howard said he thinks ISIS is after him because he worked for the post office. Bobo said that they got a hold of their social security numbers. He said they had to go to employee ID numbers. Robin said Bobo thinks something was going on because of that.
Howard said Brent was in the military and he never wears a patch. Howard said imagine that Bobo served and he was in the service. Bobo said he was in the National Guard.
Shuli came in and said that Bobo was sure there were Egyptians on his flight and he was sure that he was a target because he was a government employee. Bobo said he was getting phone calls from Egypt. Shuli said he checked those numbers and they were in Idaho or some place like that.
Howard said Bobo looks like a NASCAR driver with all of those patches on his jacket. He said that people think that he lost people in 9/11 so they stay away from him. He said people are thinking that he did something down there that day. He said just look at his face and you can tell he had cancer or something. The guys were all goofing on Bobo about the 9/11 stolen valor stuff.
Howard asked Bobo if he's going to keep the jacket. Bobo said he is. He said it was given to him by the postal service. He said he will bring it to the tailor and have them taken off. Howard did his Bobo impression talking about the jacket and made stuff up about doing stuff on 9/11.
Howard said what they should do as a punishment is make him wear 9/12 patches. Robin said that's what she was saying earlier. Howard said they can make him wear those on his head instead of that toupee. Shuli said he should just get rid of that thing. Bobo said he's on the fence about it. Howard and Fred were goofing on Bobo about that.
Howard said he has a 9/12 widow on the phone for Bobo. He took the call from the woman who said she's very ashamed of Bobo because her uncle choked on a hot dog on 9/12. Howard hung up on her.
Howard said Bobo was at war with Brent. He said the 9/11 jacket is being taken care of. Bobo said he's going to put the patches in a frame in his house. Brent said he'll still have a shrine to the patches. Howard said every shitty thing that Bobo has gets put in a frame.
Shuli said he had to sift through so much nonsense in the pictures that Bobo sent him. Howard said even the framing is bad. He said that the 9/11 patches have nothing to do with him. Shuli said he has no connection to them. Bobo said it's disrespectful to just throw them away. Howard said Bobo is a stolen valor addict. He said if you want to frame something then do it with his old toupees. He said that's what he could do. He said that he can have his toupee from when he was 25 framed.
Shuli said he saw a bird try to nest in Bobo's wig. He said it was Debbie the Pet Lady who had a bird with her and it flew right into his hair trying to nest. Howard said they should have let the bird act out its natural instinct. He said imagine the bird lays eggs in there. He did his Bobo impression talking about the Boston bombing and how he wasn't really there. Howard said Bobo has nothing to do with 9/11 and he's framing those patches. Howard said he should have a toupee display instead.
Howard said he would go see the toupee museum. Howard asked how many he's had in his life. Bobo said maybe 30. He said that's since the early 80s. He said he just got a brand new one. He said the last one he got is his last one. Shuli said he loves that his hair comes in the mail. Shuli said he also talks about his legacy but he throws out what makes him famous.
Howard said Bobo's toupees ended up in a landfill somewhere. He said there are homes built on them and then they come back to haunt them. He said that would be a great movie. Shuli said they could end up on a whale somewhere. Howard and the guys were throwing out ideas for the movie. They were talking about how the hair isn't biodegradable so they're somewhere out there.
Shuli asked how much grey he has in his toupee now. Bobo said it's 75 percent. Robin said they should make it thinning too. Howard took out a Bobo puppet and had it talking about his toupee.
Howard told Bobo to get rid of that toupee. Bobo said he's thinking about growing his hair out long and getting rid of the toupee. Shuli said he wants to do the bozo ring with the ponytail and have a goatee. Howard said that's a ridiculous look. He said that he has to get rid of the wig. Howard said he's seen him without his hair and he looks fine without it. Bobo told him to put the wig back on. Brent said toupees look ridiculous. Howard said John Travolta has more money than they can dream of and he can't even get a good one. Robin said they learned that Burt Reynolds got a new one every week. Howard said it's no wonder that guy was so angry. He said that guy beat up girls. He said rest in peace Judy Karn.
Howard said Bobo must love John Travolta. Bobo said he does. Howard said they're neighbors too. He said they live in Florida. Shuli asked if he wants to see a new picture of his hair. Howard said he'd rather not. He said he already knows it looks bad.
Howard said he's not going to play the Bobo voicemails. Howard said Shuli is working on this expose about Bobo. Brent said it's going to be hilarious. He said he's going through all of Bobo's documents and awards. Bobo said he told Shuli that he made up that one thing himself. Shuli said Bobo has been calling him all days about that one thing. He said the plaque was made for postal workers who died. Howard said he's going to cut him off there and wait until this expose is done. Bobo said he's just keeping the 9/11 pin on his jacket. Howard played a song parody to play him off. They went to break after that.
Howard said when David Hasselhoff was up there they had him make a phony phone call. He said they called a political type show. He said the Hoff called a show. He said he likes it when celebrities make phony phone calls.
Howard played the call and they had him call this political show and the Hoff said he was trying to get to a meeting but the show was so good that work has to wait. Hoff asked what they think of David Hasselhoff. The guys said he's awesome. One of the guys said he would go gay for him. They asked if he's David Hasselhoff. He said he's Jake. They figured out it was him. The Hoff denied being him. He said he wishes he was him. He said that they probably wish they were him too. They eventually hung up on him. Hoff called back in and said they suck. The hosts said they wish he had never called in.
Howard said that was very good. He said he's a master of disguise. He said he applauds the guys that they figured out that he was the Hoff. He said Jake the caller was really the Hoff. Howard said it was Hofftastic.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to thank him for all his years of service. He said the show has filled a great void in his life. Howard thanked him for that. He said just call in and say ''Thank you for your service.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said they're amazing and thank you for everything. He said that Fred is a gift from god. He said Howard's interview with Sharon Osbourne has to be one of his top 10. He said his use of the sexy voice was great. He said that his talent of getting people to talk is great.
Howard said he was talking to Sharon on the phone yesterday and he told her she's welcome there any time. Robin said she's worried about her job there at CBS. Howard said they don't know what's going to happen there. He said that Julie didn't show up for work. He said everything went awry.
Howard said he was talking to Sharon on the phone and he told her she can come in and vent any time she wants to. He said that he and Sharon talked about a lot of stuff but he can't say what it was about.
Howard said that they will never forget. He said they like to think that it was on 9/11 but it was just this month. He said he can't imagine what that was like for her when she asked the guy to hose her down. Robin said she hosed herself down. She said she thinks it would be more embarrassing to walk around with that on her. Howard said he doesn't think he'd be able to do what she did.
Howard asked if she had shit in her pants and did she wash it down. Robin said running clothes are quick drying and wicking things so she just hosed the outside. She said god knows what was going on inside. She said she just wanted to get the stuff off her outer garments and skin. Howard said there must have been a huge stench when she went into the elevator. Robin said she didn't have to go in there. She said it was just a walk in hotel. She said she was able to walk into her room without an elevator. Howard said he can reenact that with the puppets.
Robin said she took everything and discarded it. She said she took it outside to a big receptacle outside of the hotel room. She said that it's out there somewhere with Bobo's wigs. Howard said it's been 15 years since that day when Robin talked about that. He said the actual day was 9/4 for those keeping records. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard said the other thing is the Serena Williams story where she tantrummed. He said that he doesn't watch tennis anymore. He said he used to. He said the tantrum thing is a weird move. He said his buddy Pat was telling him how she tantrums when she's losing. Howard said there's another woman there playing and she's finally beating this high rated player's ass into the ground and you're removing her win by getting fined and getting points taken away. He said this other woman is having a high point in her career and it's unfair to take that away from her. He said then everyone forgets that you're losing.
Robin said she was texting with someone and talking about how every time Serena has a meltdown is when she's losing. She said she keeps the story all about her no matter what. Howard said then they take points away from her. Robin said she wasn't going to win. Robin said she almost got bagled in the first round. Howard asked what that means. Robin said it's a zero so it's like a bagel. Howard said Robin loves that. He had Fred play her news music. Robin said that this Naomi Osaka had a great win and everyone is going to forget about that.
Howard asked Kat if she's going to blow her husband does she put the skin in her mouth. Kat said she has never seen her husband unaroused. She said that he's always ready to go. Howard asked if the skin retracts. She said it does a little bit. She said you never see the head completely. She said the skin gets pulled back. Howard asked someone to come in and blow Fred for the app. Kat said she would do it if she was single.
Howard asked if Kat is a 10. She said she's probably a 7-8. She said she has a nice B-cup and they're maintaining even at 35. She said she weighs maybe 140 now. Howard asked how tall she is, 7 feet? She said she wears it well. She said she's 5'8'' tall. Howard said that he'd like to see her clock in around 125. Kat said she's a runner so... Howard said the Les puppet wants to talk to her. Kat said she doesn't want to talk to the Les Puppet. Howard had it asking her what she was wearing and stuff like that. Kat sounded uncomfortable talking to the puppet.
Howard asked if Robin prefers uncircumcised guys. Robin said she has to think if she was ever with any uncircumcised. Gary said that the guys are upset about the comment she made about Cocktober because the did have a thing about uncircumcised guys. Kat said it was all negative undertones though.
Robin said she thinks she's never been with an uncircumcised man. Howard thanked Kat for the call. Howard said she's a 7 or 8. Howard said she's from Canada so they don't cut up there. She said she's from near Montreal. Howard said Kat should run to the gym. She said she's got a lot of muscle in her legs and ass. She said she has a good stomach. She said she has no cellulite. Howard asked who she looks like. She said she gets Sandra Bullock all the time. She said she blows her husband every day. She said she's been doing that for 12 years now. She said that she'd rather not send her husband out into the world with a loaded gun.
Howard asked if she licks his balls. She said he doesn't love that. Howard asked if she gives anal. She said he's not into that. She said she's completely satisfied with him though. She said she has an orgasm every time with him. She said he doesn't have to go that long with her. She said he's gorgeous and he doesn't even have to go that long with her. She said she can lose interest if they go too long.
Howard asked if she has a big vagina. She said that she had a friend she slept with when she was younger and he told her she was tighter than he thought she'd be. Howard asked if she allows her husband to have sex during her menstruation. She said he doesn't like doing it then. Howard said Les Puppet just came.
Howard asked if she has ever been turned down for the blow job. Kat said she has. She said that she's shaved down there too. Howard found out she has 3 kids and had the Les Puppet say that just ruined it. He had Les Puppet asking if her kids are hot.
Kat said she was making out with a guy when she was 16 once and she didn't know how to handle the guy when he was circumcised. She said she didn't know how to jerk it off. She said she figured it would hurt. Howard said she figured it out. He said she's a genius. She said she didn't figure it out. She said the make out session was over.
Howard had Les Puppet talking about how his wife vowed to blow him every day. Howard said that's enough from the Les Puppet. He asked if she blows her husband in crazy places. She said she will do it while they're driving. Howard said that seems dangerous. Howard said that the kids aren't in the car are they? Kat said no. She said they do it in the car because of the kids. She said they'll park and do it in the car. She said that her husband has a big sexual appetite and he has to cum every day. She said that it's either with her or to porn. Howard asked if she can orgasm by blowing him. She said it did happen but it was more than a decade ago. She said that he treats her very well.
Howard said that he's putting Les away. He said look at that penis sticking out. Robin said it's not very big. Howard asked if Kat squirts. She said no.
Howard said this is a woman who loves uncircumcised penis. Robin said she blows her husband every day too. Kat said absolutely. Howard took out the Julie Puppet and had her talking to Les Puppet about listening to Howard Stern and this Kat. Howard said Les just rammed his penis into her mouth.
Howard asked Kat if she wears sexy outfits for her husband. Kat said he's not into that. She said that she'll go to the strip club with him occasionally. She said there they can touch the girls so she lets him have his fun but she has to be present. Howard said maybe they're swingers. She said no to that. Howard asked if she lets him tittie fuck her. She said that he's not into that. She said he's a man's man. She said he's not into that kind of stuff.
Howard asked if she has ever eaten his ass. She said she has. She said they have tried a lot of things. Robin said they say that frequent intimacy makes for a happier marriage. Howard said she makes it a point to blow him every day and he admires her for that. Robin asked if she works. Kat said she doesn't.
Howard said thank you for your service to Kat. He asked if she has ever shit her pants like Robin did. Kat said she hasn't. She said her husband treats her very well and she thanks him for that all the time.
Howard said that his balls must be pretty empty from that. He said he gets upset for a woman if she's down there too long. Howard said that he feels such pressure to drop his load fast. He said he just asks them not to blow him.
Robin said that she got the impression that one guy she dated didn't like how she was in bed and all of that. She said that he asked her if she wasn't all that into sex. She said she should have gotten out at the time. Robin said she was very happy. Howard said he wasn't that into it then. Kat said Robin is a gorgeous woman and she is the only woman she's ever had a sexual dream about.
Howard said he had a woman order a pizza in the middle of love making one time. He said that's how bad he is.
Howard said Kat sounds like a big treat. He said she is something to behold. Kat said that if she's blowing her husband at the end of a massage it's very quick. She said if they're together they can go for an hour. Howard said that's because he's not backed up. Kat said it's the key to a happy relationship.
Howard said Kat must just go down on him. She said that she will go right down on him if he has an erection. She said they sleep very close and she can feel it. Howard asked if she feels it on her knee or something. She said she'll feel it on her butt. She said she'll start playing with it with her hands and then go down. Howard said what a lovely girl. He said that's such a loving thing to do. Robin said it's a beautiful thing.
Howard said he'd be angry if he was waken up. Kat said she was told she can wake him up any time she wants to have sex. Howard said she looks like Sandra Bullock and she wants to blow the guy every day. He asked what could be more beautiful.
Kat said her husband treats her very well too. SHE said she gets flowers often. Howard said he'd send her flowers too. Howard said a 8 up there is like a 5 down there. Kat said that she thinks an 8 up there in Montreal are like a 22 down there. Howard asked if guys hit on her all day. She said they do. She said they hit on her at the grocery store and the library. She said they try to be sly asking if they can help her with something. She said they tell her she has nice skin too.
Howard said he has a woman on the phone who admires what she's saying and she's waking up her husband with a blow job too. Howard took the call and it was the guys in the back office making up what it would sound like.
Howard said he thinks that he's had enough time with her. He asked if he's seen any pictures of her. She said no. She said she's not a social media person. Kat also said she loves Jason Kaplan. She said everything he ads to the show is entertaining. Howard thanked her for the call. He said he will tell the girls out there that he is circumcised. Kat said she knows. Howard let her go after that.
Howard asked the caller, John, if he cums on his sheets. John said he does. Howard said he has to stop that so his mother doesn't have to clean that stuff. He told the guy to stop rubbing into his bed and let him go.
Howard said there are weirdos who try to ''regrow'' their foreskin. He said that doesn't work. He said that it's weird like putting plates in your lips.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked what he thinks about Kathy Griffin telling Julie Chen to fuck off. Howard didn't hear about that so Robin explained the story to him. Robin said that Kathy felt bad about Julie at first and then she heard some stories about Les trying to ruin Janet Jackson's career after the Nipplegate thing. She said she heard that Julie was complicit in that and she got upset about that. Howard said he's not going to sit there and think he knows what Julie knew and didn't know. He said that her head is probably spinning. He said that she can't look at the guy the same way if she doesn't believe what he's telling her.
Robin said maybe they can pretend that it's true that all of those things Les is accused of doing have stopped. She asked if she could be with a man who could do that at all.
Howard asked if the caller, Michelle, blows her husband every day. She said she doesn't do it every day. She said she can't even compare to Kat.
Howard had Les Puppet talking about a meeting he had with Kathy Griffin and how she's just angry about that. Michelle said that she's sure a lot of men have turned Kathy down. Robin said they're trying to bring women together. Michelle said that she just seems to have the worst attitude.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she is a new fan and she's checking out what he's done in his career. She said she's upset she missed out on it. She said she gets upset when she hears people complaining about the show. She said we appreciate it and we want you every day. She said she lives for the show every morning. Howard asked if she blows her husband every day. She said most days. Howard said this is freaking him out. He said he's feeling left out.
Howard said he thinks he gives Beth the wrong signals. He said he feels bad for her blowing him. He said he's not into that though. He said he's into fucking. He said he's a cocksman.
Howard said he'll play some of it. He played some of Sharon talking about why Julie wasn't there. She said Julie is taking time off to be with her family. The audience clapped. Howard said he's not sure why they're clapping. He said when he stays home no one applauds.
Howard started the clip over and said this is going to take some time. He did his impression of Sharon reading that statement and came up with some of his own stuff. Howard said there was a lot of applause there. He asked if he should take a break or play more. Robin said he was going to take a break but he started playing it. Howard kept applauding like they were doing there on The Talk.
Howard played more of Sharon's comments about Julie and how she's treated her over the years. Robin said she thinks she's going to return to the show eventually. Robin said she thinks she will be on Big Brother on Thursday. Robin said maybe that's because no one knows what's going on with her. Howard said they're never going to let those people out because they're the only people who have no idea what's going on.
Howard played more of Sharon talking about Les and Julie and how she barely knows Les. Sharon said they asked her to make a statement supporting Les. She said she felt she was as diplomatic as she could be. She said that now 7 more women have come forward and for her she can't support him and it's obvious that he has a problem. She said good luck to him after he's stepped down. Howard said how awkward. Robin said this is not how they usually handle topics. Howard said people didn't know what to do there. He said the audience stopped applauding.
Howard had Les Puppet to comment on that. He put the puppet on and Les said he didn't like that statement at all. He said that Ozzy has been in rehab so he can't be having dinner with Sharon. He said he'll play golf with OJ or Harvey Weinstein or Charlie Rose but not Ozzy. He said that he wants that number for that woman who blows her husband every day.
Howard had Les Puppet talking about how he's not going to do that stuff anymore. He said now he understands. He said that he's great at his job so they should let him back. He said that's his defense. Robin said she doesn't think that's going to go over very well. Robin said he hasn't apologized.
Les Puppet said that it was tough watching The View yesterday. He said if he had gotten daily blow jobs he would have been fine. Robin said now he's blaming Julie. Les Puppet said that's right. Les Puppet was talking about these women on The Talk judging him. He said Shari isn't worthy of licking his taint. Robin asked if there will be more women. Les Puppet said no way. He said there are just a couple of women. Robin said he even said that he knew he was making some women uncomfortable. Les said he knew that but he didn't know they were that uncomfortable.
Robin asked Les Puppet if he needs Viagra. Les Puppet said he doesn't. He asked if he sounds like a guy who needs that.
Howard said Sara Gilbert had to say something too. He played a clip of Sara talking about Julie being their friend. Howard said poor Sara had to deal with this after the Roseanne thing. He said now both have been done in. Howard said she didn't look like she wanted to make a statement at all. He played more of her statement and Sara said that all women's stories matter and these women's stories matter. She said this is very serious and the appropriate actions need to take place. She said she's happy when women are heard because they haven't been for a very long time.
Howard said women were heard in droves. He said there were 12 of them. He said Sara should have said being a lesbian has never been better. Howard said he may have to book himself on the show to get them talking. He said he'll ask Sara if she loves being gay so she doesn't have to deal with dudes.
Robin wondered how things will be when Julie gets back. Howard said he doesn't know. He had Les Puppet telling the women to shut up because he hears them already. Howard thanked Les Puppet and said it's time to switch topics.
Howard said he would like to go on with the Julie Puppet and Les Puppet. He wondered if they would let him do that. Robin said she doesn't think so.
Howard said he read a story about a guy who sexually assaulted a dying beaver. He said imagine that. The story said that Meth was involved. Robin said that's what Les should have claimed. Howard said he feels bad for Meth. He said Meth is getting a bad rap. Howard read the story about the guy who saw this beaver hit with a car and the guy then went and sexually assaulted it. Howard said a woman saw the animal get hit and she went home to get a box for it. Howard said when she returned she found the man with the dead beaver and he was sexually assaulting it. Howard said he's not sure how you defend that in court. He said this was in USA Today so it's not bullshit.
Robin said she read a story about a guy who buried his dog alive because it wasn't getting along with his cat. The neighbor figured out what he had done and tried to save the dog but it was too late. Robin said that she can't imagine doing that to a pet. Robin said she can't imagine burying it alive. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard said he can take the pain at the dentist. He said after the surgery Richard's mouth bled a lot. He said his mouth smelled like death from the dried blood. Robin said it does stink. Howard said his jaw still hurts from where they operated on it.
Howard asked Richard to come in. He said he loves Richard but he's really gross. Robin said he's nuts. Howard asked if he wishes he had taken care of his teeth. Richard said he brushed his teeth like once in high school. He said none of his buddies complained. Howard said he had like 20 cavities when he came to New York. Richard said it was something like that. He said he finally got the health coverage when he got there.
Howard asked what they did with his jaw. Richard said they put a screw down in there. He said the X-ray is crazy looking. He said he has a bolt in his jaw. Howard said it's really weird that he went to the state fair the next day. Richard said it was like a week later. He said he can't eat on that side of his mouth right now. Howard said he thinks he's learned a lesson from this.
Howard said Fred brushed his teeth so he must have known to do that even though he grew up in the back woods. Richard said his parents have fake teeth so he just figured some day he'd have to do that too. Howard said Robin has nice teeth. Robin said she never wanted to go through what her mother had to go through.
Richard said they're going to put a crown on this thing in 4 months. Howard said he heard he got away for a weekend away from the baby. Richard said they went to the state fair in Syracuse. He said they have a barn where they have guinea pigs. He said it's so great. Howard said there's your update on Richard's surgery. He had a song to play about how gross Richard is. Richard laughed and said he's honored by that.
Howard asked what's up with Richard crying about the new Halloween movie. Richard said he could cry talking about it now. He said the Halloween movie theme music is the best. He said John Carpenter is the best theme writer ever. He said that movie has been with him since he was like 5 years old. Howard said he can't be his favorite. He said Richard has too many favorites. Richard said if he had to pick one musician he'd pick John Carpenter. He said he can't say that thing is his favorite if he can't pick it over something else. Richard said he can't choose. Gary asked about The Big Lebwowski. Richard said that's his favorite too. He said he has a lot of favorites. He said it's hard to choose. He asked why he has to. Robin said he can say it's not his favorite. Richard said the remake is coming and they got Jamie Lee Curtis and they're doing a continuation of John Carpenter's movie. He said that they have tributes to all of the other equals in it.
Howard said Richard went to an Eagles game and they lowered the flag into the stadium and he started crying. He said he's not even an eagles fan. Richard said his wife is a big fan and he cried with her. He said that they both got emotional. Howard said he'd be crying about the 50 cavities he has in his mouth. He said he can't get a handle on this guy. He said he cries over everything.
Howard said Richard is such a weirdo. He said he can't figure him out. He asked what makes him cry over that movie. Richard said it just means a lot to him. He said it reminds him of his parents bringing him to the movie as a kid. He said the memories he has with his parents are great and that's what he's thinking about. Richard was crying talking about that. Howard said he's a douche bag.
Howard said he heard his son walked for the first time yesterday. Richard said he did. Howard said he bets he didn't cry over that. Richard said they were very happy about it. Howard said he cried when Cotton Hill died on King of the Hill.
Howard said he has Ralph on the phone and he has to yell at him. He asked if he can believe this guy crying over the Halloween movie. Ralph said he wanted to go see the movie with him and he said he might cry during it and he said he can't go with a guy if he's going to cry.
Howard said Ralph created this Julie Chen puppet for him and he showed it to him yesterday. He said that he put it on this morning and the whole puppet reeks. He asked what that smell is. Ralph said he's sure it's the glue. Howard said it's not glue. He said it smells like how Ralph smells. Ralph said it might be hair spray. He said he used that to keep the hair down. Howard asked someone to make him a puppet that doesn't smell. Ralph said it was in a box so maybe it's fumes. He said it's glue. Ralph said no good deed goes unpunished. Howard hung up on him.
Howard said he does something good and it always ends up being bad. He said Ralph made this puppet and he put it on this morning and it smelled. He checked to see if it still smells. Richard smelled it and he was grossed out by whatever it was. Richard said it smells like when he was in high school and it was like the locker room when everyone throws their jock strap on the floor. Howard said that's not hair spray. Richard said it's a sweaty mix. Robin said that came out of the hamper. Howard asked her to smell it. Robin said it's like asking someone to taste something that tastes horrible.
Howard said that fucking Ralph couldn't get a clean sock. Howard asked Robin to smell it. Robin took a whiff. She said it does smell. She said she's not sure what that smell is. She said it goes toward skunk but then it's not. She said it's partially glue and body odor. Richard said it's like dried semen. Howard said ''Ewe!'' He said he swears Ralph came in that sock that fucking weirdo.
Howard told Richard to get out of there. He took another call from Ralph who asked what he did to it between yesterday and today. Howard said he didn't do anything. He asked Fred to smell it. He said he won't even handle it now. Fred said that it smells like something chemical. He said it's not B.O. He said that it's the after bouquet that smells like B.O.
Howard said the other puppets don't smell. Ralph said the sock was clean. He said he doesn't have a big pile of socks. Howard said he threw it across the room. He said he doesn't want his puppets to have a complex smell. Fred said it's like toxic fumes. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard said yesterday Ralph got a lot of positive email. He said you have to take his word for it. He can't find it. He said he must have thrown it away. He said sorry to him about that. Howard said people were sticking up for him defending JD yesterday. Howard said the email is so funny. He said one day they hate Benjy and the next they love him. He said he's trying to not care what the audience thinks. He said they're fickle. He said one day they're great and the next they're not.
Howard said he went home yesterday and had a whole game plan for today. He said he came in and the first caller today asked him not to do more Les Moonves. He said that fucked him up for the whole segment. He said it takes his heart out of it. Howard said he had a whole thing ready to go with Les and the Doctor puppets.
Howard said Ronan Farrow brought down the biggest guy in TV and he had puppets ready to go. He said he even has a Ronan Farrow puppet. He showed Robin that puppet too. Howard did a little show for Robin. He had Ronan talking to her about his expose's and stuff like that. Howard brought out the doctor puppet too. He had her telling the story about Les asking her for a blow job. Howard said that's enough of that. He had Les Puppet say something in his own defense. Les Puppet asked when they're going to be done with the puppets. Then Les Puppet and Ronan Puppet got into a fight and Les Puppet threw him across the room. Les said that his teeth are all falling out. Howard said they're Chicklets and they're all falling off. Howard kept going with the Les Puppet and had him talking about how the doctor is full of shit.
Robin asked if he made his bed this morning. Howard said no. He said he's not really in charge of it. He said Beth doesn't like the way he does it. He said she's in charge of that. Robin said it's national make your bed day. She said you should make sure to make your bed this morning. Howard said he's into routine and stuff like that. He said he's not sure why it's on 9/11. Robin said she would move it but it may have preceded it.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he was working at Thatcher Park on 9/11. He said he went to work that day... Howard said that's a miracle. Jeff said his boss said to him that he had to put the flag at half mast. Jeff said he was listening to Howard that morning. He said his boss told him to lower the flat to half mast. He said he did something patriotic that day. Howard said he bets he didn't make his bed today. Jeff said he didn't sleep under the covers so he didn't have to. Robin said it was cool last night so it was nice to get under the covers. Jeff said that way he doesn't have to make his bed every morning. Howard said it's just another lazy way out of something. He let Jeff go after that.
Robin read a story about how the Oscars are not going to have a ''Most Popular Movie'' award. Robin said that it's just about box office. She said that they're going to postpone it. Robin said that one silly award is not going to get people to watch that show. Howard asked what they can do to get people to watch. Robin said make better movies that people want to see. She said they complain that no one is watching. She said they don't have great stars and they don't have great films so there's nothing to watch. Howard said maybe she should take over the business. Howard asked if he made a Les Moonves puppet movie if it would bring people in. Robin said she'll take a look at it and see what happens.
Robin read a story about the first down syndrome model walked the runway. Howard said he saw her. Robin said they're in the midst of fashion week and they had a Down syndrome model walk the runway. Robin said a Down Syndrome man sang the Star Spangled Banner at a baseball game too. Howard said he's all for that. He said he's had slow adults on the show for many years. Howard had a clip of the guy singing. He said that's not bad. Robin said that she's proud of the Chicago Cubs.
Howard asked if it's okay to beat off to a Down Syndrome model. He said that might be wrong. Robin said she thinks he should go with that instinct. Howard asked Les Puppet what he thinks. Les Puppet said that would be inappropriate. Robin said even Les says that's inappropriate. Howard spent a little more time doing the Les Puppet thing.
Robin read a story about Richard Simmons who is about to launch a talk shop show. Robin said everyone can go on and plug their merchandise. Robin said that Richard won't be on the show but his friends will come on to talk about his stuff that he's selling. Robin said they say that Richard has had some medical things done over the past couple of years so he hasn't been seen out in a while. Howard threw the puppet away for now.
Robin read a story about actor Jeffrey Owens who was on The Cosby Show. Robin said Owens was job shamed after being seen working at Trader Joes as a cashier. Robin said he has accepted a job with Tyler Perry. She said the reason he's saying he fell on hard times had to do with Bill Cosby's issues. He said that tarred him in the whole process and people didn't want to work with him anymore. Robin said he's 57 and he had to do something to support his family after the reruns of the show were pulled from the air. Howard said he felt bad about Trader Joes after that story. He said he knows like 5 actors who are getting jobs at Trader Joes so they can get some acting work. He said there's nothing wrong with working at Trader Joes. He said that's far from rock bottom. He said mopping jizz in Times Square is rock bottom.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he loves JD and he's sure his wife is a lovely person but when he saw the wedding photo and the tattoo on her arm, something ain't right. He said when he sees a woman with a tattoo on her arm he might fuck her but he won't marry her. Howard said he's just trying to get on the show. King said he's never marry a girl with a tattoo on her arm. He said that's kind of hard. Howard said that would hardly turn him off. King started to bring up a song he was producing and Howard hung up on him.
Robin read a story about Julie Chen not being on The Talk yesterday. Howard said he'll get that puppet back if she wants him to. Robin said Julie plans on being back on the show soon. Howard said Robin loves these puppets.
Robin read a story about Stephen Colbert coming out and saying a few things about Les. Robin said this isn't something he wanted to do. She said Stephen said Les was his guy but now that there are more accusations he had to say something. Robin had a clip for Howard to play. Colbert made a joke about Les coming back in 9 months after he does a set at the Comedy Cellar. That was a Louis C.K. reference. Robin also read about Louis C.K. returning and doing a set at the Comedy Cellar while they were away. Robin had more of Colbert talking about Les Moonves and what he allegedly did to a woman where he said he was getting coffee and came back with his pants off and an erection. Howard said that guy is fucked up. He said he's not sure how Julie can stay in that marriage if that's true. Robin wondered if Les pulled any of this on Julie and maybe she knows that this is something he might do. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that Julie has to know something about the way he's been acting. He said believe him she has to know. Howard said this is what it would be like going to his house and having a conversation with Jeff. Jeff said she knew something. He asked why they do this to him making fun of him. Howard said he's an easy target. He said they make fun of him because they're trying to make him interesting. He said his calls go nowhere and he has to keep the audience entertained. He let Jeff go after that.
Robin read a story about Olivia Munn who is in the new Predator movie and she's not going out to promote it. Robin said the director of the film cast an actor who is a convicted sex offender to be in a scene with her. Robin said Olivia has a problem with that. Howard said there's a predator in the movie Predator. He said that's crazy. Robin said whatever this guy was convicted of was with a 14 year old girl. Robin said that Munn has said she feels abandoned by the cast after she made it known to the producers. The scene was cut from the film because of that. Robin said she feels like a whistle blower who is being shunned by the rest of the cast members. Robin said now she's hearing from the rest of the staff and they are weighing in on Twitter with their support of her and her right to speak out. Robin said that you should be able to speak and not have it affect your career.
Robin read a story about President Trump going to Shanksville, Pennsylvania to visit the area where the plane crashed on 9/11.
Robin said that Trump also got a letter from his buddy Kim Jong Un. Robin said that they say that Sarah Huckabee Sanders talked about the letter that Trump received. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Howard said she doesn't even take a pause when she talks. He did an impression of her and Fred played Grandpa Al Lewis' ''Blah, blah, blah...'' clip. Howard had fake Sarah Huckabee Sanders on the phone to talk about how she never takes a break.
Robin read a story about Bob Woodward's new book ''Fear'' coming out today. Robin had a clip of Sarah Huckabee Sanders talking about that book and claiming it's all lies.
Robin read a story about Omarosa being back on the circuit plugging her book and releasing more tapes. She had a clip of Trump talking about Hillary Clinton 10 months after the election. Robin had some of the audio for Howard to play. Robin said Whoopi Goldberg asked Omarosa where she had the microphone to record all of this. Robin said that the lawyers are after her so she's not talking about how she did it.
Robin read a story about a hurricane heading their way called Florence. Robin said they say it's a category 4 and it's taking aim at the southeast coast. Robin had some audio of a weather guy from MSNBC talking about the storm. Robin said people are being evacuated from the coast for this storm.
Robin read a story about how down in Dallas, Texas a police officer shot a man after going into an apartment thinking it was her's. Robin said she parked on the wrong floor and walked into the apartment thinking it was her's and she shot the guy thinking he was robbing her apartment. Robin said that she killed the man. When she turned on the lights she realized she was in the wrong apartment. Robin said they're investigating the shooting. Robin said the man's family is desperate to know how this happened.
Howard took a call from fake President Trump who wanted to comment on the Bob Woodward book. Howard let fake Trump talk about how this book is all lies. Fake Trump said everyone in the White House loves him. He said if you don't believe him he'll put them on. He put on a few people but Trump was doing the voices. Robin asked who the leak is. Trump told her to be quiet. Howard let fake Trump go after that.
Robin read a story about Metallica performing on the road and they did a Prince tribute in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Howard said he saw this online and it didn't turn out great. He said it was two of the guys from the band and a lot of people weren't digging it. Howard played some of the audio. Howard said they tried something and it didn't work to well. He said they were catching shit for that. Robin said that's the first she's hearing that.
Robin said she pulled something else she just discovered. She said it's a Prince guitar solo that they did when George Harrison was being inducted. Howard said they've played that for years. Robin said that she's never heard it before. Robin had Howard play it. Robin said this is a bit of the solo Prince did with ''When My Guitar Gently Weeps.'' Howard said this was years ago. Robin said he has to let people hear it. Howard said they've all heard it. Robin said she hasn't. She said she loved it. She said they didn't have a lot of time to rehears it but it came off swimmingly. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about how he didn't get to drink his coffee. Robin said he's supposed to take care of that. Howard said they had a problem. He drank some of it and said he can't chug it because he'll burn his throat.
Howard said Norm Macdonald is coming in today. He said he was taken off the Tonight Show last night. He said he was supposed to be on last night and Norm was told he can't be on. He said he was talking about the MeToo movement and people in the movement took offense to it. He said he'll talk to him about that when he gets in there. He said they'll find out what's going on with all of that. Robin said they're not getting rid of him for what he said. Howard said he wants to hear what he has to say about that. He said he doesn't think he can hurt his reputation having him in there.
Robin said maybe they're making a mistake. She said she's just making sure. Howard said that's happening today. Robin said they're at the forefront of controversy.
Howard said he puts on the news and he hears his name. He said they did so many interviews with Trump in the 90s and they drag out the tapes when he does something. Howard said he doesn't remember half the conversations. He said they had tape of Trump calling someone a ''retard'' from an interview he did with them. He said he's pretty sure that Trump hates him for this like he did something wrong. He said he hopes he realizes that he said it, not Howard.
Robin said in the Billy Bush thing he blamed Billy Bush. Howard said that was clearly Billy Bush's fault. He said it's so funny. He said so many people have lost their careers and then you've got Donald as the president. He said it's a crazy world we live in.
Howard said he had the news on one day and he heard the ''retard'' thing and then the same day or same week it was about him defending the alt-right guys. He said they also said he wanted to do black people vs. white people Apprentice on the Howard Stern Show.
Howard said it is offensive when Donald says there are good people on both sides. He said then they dragged out the white vs. black Apprentice idea. Howard said he's personally offended by Nazis.
Howard said Paul McCartney says he had a jerk off session with John Lennon. He said that he has to come back in there. He said he had a friend once who wanted to jerk off in the same room together. He said he doesn't do a lot of sex stuff even though he talks about it. He said he never did anything like that.
Gary said that he was asking the guys in the back who did that kind of stuff. He said Sal did it with a bunch of guys in the same room with stockbrokers. Howard said Richard did it with a friend. He said that's weird stuff. He said it's the kids out on the farm doing weird shit. Robin said that's where that stuff arises from. Howard said it's weird to do a jack off party. He said he thinks Sal has done every deviant thing there is.
Howard said he has a reputation of being all sexed up but he's never done any of that stuff. He said he's never had a jack off party. Robin asked if he ever had a threesome. Howard said not really. He said he did mess around with two girls but he felt bad for the girl who was left out.
Gary sent Richard in to tell a story about one of his jerk off parties. Richard said that his friend taught him how to jerk off. He said he's the one who had a jizz spot on his carpet. He said this guy taught them all to jerk off. He said there would be 7 or 8 of them and he'd start and they'd all join in. Howard asked if they looked at each other. Richard said they did. Howard said he's vile. He told him to leave. He said he's so grossed out by him. He said he's not sure why he believes he's gay. Richard said that guy has a family now. He said he's one of his best friends. He said they would camp and jerk off too. Howard said all of Richard's stuff is gay stuff. He said that's all of his memories.
Howard said Paul McCartney was being interviewed by this magazine and he told this story about jerking off with John Lennon. He said Ringo was left out of this but maybe he's happy about that. He said they were all at a party and Paul was saying that they would try to jerk off and yell out the names of women. He said John yelled out Winston Churchill and ruined the party. He said it was kind of funny.
Howard said the story was on the front page of the Post. Robin said they called it ''Beat the Meatles.'' Howard said it was a funny story. He said they say that they probably wrote ''come together'' then.
Howard asked Fred if he wanted to try the jerking off thing. He yelled out a few names of hot chicks and Fred pretended to jerk off. Robin threw in Richard Simmons. Howard threw in Caitlyn Jenner.
Howard said he tweeted out the Les Puppet video. He said he had the female doctor bit up there. He said people seemed to like that.
Robin said the other story was that Paul took two hookers. Howard said that's surprising. He said he never indulged in that. He said it's depressing. He said Paul was the most handsome Beatle and he could have had any woman in the world. He said he had two hookers though.
Howard said he's sure that Richard has some story about how they liked to see each other's loads come out. He said Richard is gay .He said he doesn't care if he has 20 more kids and stays with his wife the rest of his life. He said he's a closeted gay man. He said he's fooling everyone. Robin asked if the gay will overtake him some day. Howard said he thinks it's happened. He said Richard likes Peter North because he shoots big loads. Howard said Richard is gay. He said Richard confirmed that his buddy shoots a big load. He said that's gay. Howard said there is no in between.
Howard said there is a man over there living a lie. He said he hopes he doesn't hurt the people that love him. Robin said if he comes running out of the closet he might. Howard said it's crazy. He said he's gay. He said it's not a big deal. Robin said he's not effeminate. Howard said he has a cousin who died who was in a long term gay marriage. He said his husband wasn't effeminate at all. He said that's got nothing to do with it. He said most gay men don't have that affect. Robin said all Richard has been exposed to is the Gay Pride Parade. Howard said watching your friend's load is just gay. Robin said you know he jerked off to the Brad Pitt poster he had.
Howard asked Richard if he wants to come in and talk about jerking off to that poster. Richard came back in and said a lot of guys like Peter North. Howard said he shouldn't even know that guy's name.
Howard asked if Richard jerked off to that Brad Pitt poster. Richard said he never did. He said he would jerk off in that room to dirty magazines but not to that. He said he may have accidentally looked at it. Richard said if he was gay he would have no problem coming out of the closet. Howard said he's not so sure about that. He said he knows guys who are gay and they never come completely out of the closet.
Howard said Richard is on the LGBTQ spectrum somewhere. Richard said he's the R at the end. Robin said one day he will come out. Howard said Richard's dad is a really straight man and he'd have a problem telling his dad if he was gay. Richard said his dad knows his buddy who taught him how to jerk off. Howard said he offered to blow Ronnie for money. He said that's gay. Richard said it's not gay for money. He said he wanted a full million to do that. He said he was going to swallow him too. Robin asked how much for Brad Pitt. Richard said 500,000. He said he's sure he'd vomit before Ronnie took his pants off.
Howard said Richard's inner voice is on the phone. He took the call and his inner voice was talking gay stuff. He was talking about how he wanted a load dripping down his leg and balls. They had Richard talking about cumming and stuff like that.
Howard said he doesn't hear one heterosexual thought in there. Richard said his inner self is grossing him out. Howard said George Takei just texted saying even he's grossed out by Richard's inner voice.
Richard said he told Howard he would blow him. He said he should do that the day before he retires. Howard said sure.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that her husband likes Peter North. She said they have threesomes all the time and he loves Peter North. Howard said he's gay. He said he's thinking of Peter North while he fucks her.
Howard said he was all inspired last night to clean up the puppets. He said he has the video up on the app and he thought it was a lot of fun. He said there were some haters too. He said they hate the Les Puppet. He said he thought it was a creative way to go through the Les Moonves story. He said he was reading the rundown of the different scenarios that Les was involved with. Robin said she did that yesterday too. Howard said maybe he should reenact some of these for the app.
Howard said this first act was with Illeana Douglas who he asked to kiss and then grabs and pins her down... allegedly. Howard said Les got aroused and tried talking her into doing something but she didn't put out so he told her she'd never work at that network again allegedly.
Howard said the second one is the one he wants to reenact. He said this young girl becomes Les' assistant at Warner Brothers. He said he's going to reenact this for the app. He said if you don't like this stuff then tune over to Lithium or something. Howard said he thinks you'll like this reenactment. He said it's mind blowing. Howard said if some guy did this to his daughter on her first day of a job he'd beat them up or hire someone to beat them up.
Howard said he has a few puppets to choose from. He said they have some dark skinned puppets to choose from. He said they didn't used to have them but now they do.
Howard said he has his Les Puppet with the puppet cock. Howard said his cock is out. He said just listen to this scenario. He said the woman was picked to be Les' assistant at Warner Brothers. Howard had a girl puppet to play this woman Jessica. Howard had Les Puppet acting out the scenario with this Jessica Puppet. It turned into Judy a short time later.
Howard said this Jessica woman was an assistant and on her first day of work Les had a work meeting at a hotel. Les Puppet said that makes it easier to kiss his assistant. Howard said he had the work meeting at the hotel and he answered the door in his bath robe. He had Fred play a knocking sound effect. Howard said he worked for this guy and he had no idea he was this whacked out of his head.
Howard acted out the scenario with the two puppets. He read through the story and tried to do it like the story said. Howard said Les asked the assistant sex questions after getting them some alcohol. He said Jessica was probably in her 20s and Les gets into his meeting clothes. He said then he's asking her if she wants something to drink. The caller said it's such a Cosby move.
Howard said Les asked her for a massage and got angry at her for not doing a good job. Howard acted out that part with the puppets. He had Les Puppet asking for a back rub and Jessica Puppet giving the bad massage. Les Puppet said he loves his job so much because all of these girls are rubbing his back. Fred had music playing and Les Puppet was singing his lines to the music.
Howard said imagine the balls on this guy doing this on the woman's first day. Howard read about how he kissed her and shoved his tongue down her throat like he was trying to reach her stomach. Howard said then Les allegedly told her to suck his cock. Howard acted out that scene with the two puppets. Les Puppet told Fred to open his eyes and watch. Fred said this is horrible. Howard said Richard is jerking off to this. Robin said he's waiting to see him blow his load.
Howard did the puppet thing and had Les Puppet telling Jessica to suck his cock. Howard said at that point he forced her head on his penis. Howard acted that out with the puppets.
Howard said there's the reenactment of what happened. Robin said that might be a criminal act. Howard said statute of limitations Robin. He said Les also allegedly groped her breasts. Howard had the puppets doing that. Les Puppet said that panicked pussy is great.
Howard said that she was shaking so much that he had to let her go. Howard threw the Jessica puppet across the room. Howard said he eventually let her go. Howard said Les had phone sex with another woman in front of her to punish her.
Howard said he broke the Les Puppet puppet penis during that bit. He said he used to work for this guy Les. He said he was the one calling the shots. The caller said that Sharon was very welcoming of Howard coming on the show. Howard said she also said she has no power to book him on the show. He said that he did talk to her off the air and she is in favor of him coming on.
Howard said that's some sick story. Robin said they're all sick. Howard said he's thinking about all of his interactions with Les. Robin said he walked around like he was normal. Howard said he loves doing the puppet reenactments. Robin said he's willing to do it in court if they want. Howard said he could knock these out after the show just for the app. Robin said she would love to do that. Howard said his agent thinks they can sell it to a network. Robin said when he had them interacting it looked hysterical. She said it was really amazing. Howard said it wasn't meant to be funny. Robin said she knows. She said he had his little penis in her mouth. Howard said he thinks he found his thing. He said he did dirty puppet shows as a kid and now he has something to act out. Howard said Les has given him a new career.
Howard said whenever you want to goof on someone you say their name wrong. The caller just said ''Weinstein'' wrong. He said that he does that with Les Moonves. He said he says ''Moonvies.'' he said that Les hates ridicule. He said the fact that he's not being taken as a serious businessman is killing him. Robin said Judd Apatow is saying he should be arrested. Howard said Judd is the best. He said he is willing to talk to Judd about doing the puppet show movie. He said Robin will be the only other human in it. Howard said he likes working with Robin. The guys told Howard that Judd did like the puppet video on Twitter. Howard said Judd has to discover them and put them in a movie.
Howard said he and Judd should do it. He said they should out these guys and get a new Julie puppet because his smells. He said they'll even throw in a scene with Paul McCartney and John Lennon jerking off. He said he should take a break to stay on schedule. He said he hates taking breaks. He said he'll do it though. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and sang with the song a little bit. He said that when he was talking to Paul he was talking about the formula for writing songs and he tried it. He said it didn't work. He said he sat by his pool and started writing lyrics and they were shitty. He did another live commercial read after that.
Howard said he should do a Robin phony phone call. He said Robin said on the air the other day that she wanted people to help get girls tampons in Eritrea. Howard said the guys took clips from that conversation and made a phony phone call. Howard played the call that the guys made to a religious radio show. They had Robin asking for the tampons and the host of the show was wondering why she was calling his show. Robin said she would love to hear from anyone who can help. A short time later Richard called in as a truck driver from New Jersey saying he had a truckload of tampons ready to be delivered. The host said he can bring it to the nearest homeless center. Richard said they're coming his way. He said he has no use for them. The host of the show was speaking in tongues.
Howard said that's a clairvoyant show. Robin said he was speaking in tongues too. Fred played some Riley Martin nonsense clips. Howard said that's a good way to open a show. He played the opening of the call again where the guy was speaking in tongues. Howard said maybe he should open the show with what Riley Martin said. Howard said he loved that guy. He wishes he could raise him from the dead.
Howard said how nice to hear Robin on a show. Robin said that guy points out the problem and doesn't want to talk about periods. Howard said he wanted to talk about vibrations. He said he's sort of like Pat Robertson. He said the latest thing is the hurricane and he prays for the hurricane not to harm any of his facilities but then if it reduces to a 2 it's worked. He said if it hits hard then he blames the gays.
Howard played some Pat Robertson audio where he was talking about his CBN network and all of his stuff. Howard did his Pat Robertson voice and goofed on that a little bit. He had pat asking god to punish the gays on the coast. He was also telling Jesus that he had the right idea with Katrina and the hurricane in Puerto Rico so please spare his stuff in Virginia. Howard had Pat talking about his CBN network and how he has to save that. Howard had Pat asking for a tsunami to hit San Francisco instead.
Howard said he goes into full powers now. He said he's showing all of his marks, or followers, his powers. Howard played more of Robertson speaking to the hurricane to keep it from hitting hard. Robertson was saying in the name of Jesus Florence should head off the coast and out into the ocean.
Howard had Pat casting out Andy Cohen who is in charge of the Bravo network. He said he's going to have a heart attack from praying so hard. He had him asking for all kinds of things to get rid of the gay people. Howard said he missed his calling. He said he's good at this.
Howard said that guy is fired up. He said the guy is 88 years old. Robin said he's almost 100. Howard said listen to that fire in his belly. He said if the hurricane does calm down he'll take credit for it. He said he likes the prayer where you don't even know what they're saying.
Howard had Pat going off about having a Jewish Wonder Woman with Gal Gadot. Howard had him saying that George Michael has to be struck down even though he's dead already. Howard said that guy was on fire.
Howard said he wants to meet people who actually send that guy money. He said they get so inspired they send that guy money. Howard kept doing his Pat impression and came up with all kinds of wacky stuff. Howard said he should take another break here. He did another live commercial read and went to break.
Howard said he can't know he's on the air. He said they must be overhearing him talking to someone. He let fake Pat go on and on for a minute.
Howard said imagine how long it took to edit that. He said praise Jesus for audio books so they can do that.
Howard said he was never a big Miss America guy. He said he didn't think there was enough nudity. He said that when Donald Trump owned it he put them in bikinis. Robin said she thinks they did that but they were the mom kind of bikinis. Howard said that was Donald Trump's greatest achievement. He said no one praises him for that. He said now they've eliminated all bathing suit competition. He said on Sunday night they had the new pageant and it's all about focusing on their words and accomplishments. He said lets face it, it was about finding the hottest chick in America. He said the other stuff was about legitimacy. He said now they've eliminated the bathing suit competition and now they have a segment called the job interview. He said the contestants interview each other.
Howard said the most interesting thing was this woman who said that she dances and does an interpretive dance with a ghost. Howard played a clip of Miss Minnesota talking about that. Howard said she made no sense. He said she's breaking the fourth wall but how? He said he doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about.
Howard asked who the ghost is. He said if it was Hitler or someone that would be controversial. Robin asked if they know who the ghost is. She said she needs more information. Howard said then the evening gown segment was renamed the red carpet segment. He said everything is very serious now.
Howard said this is a montage of the contestants bringing up various subjects on the red carpet. Howard played a clip of the women bringing up what they want to do if they win. Howard said the guy interviewing the women was Ross Matthews. Robin said it sounded like a woman.
Howard played more of the audio of the women talking about their causes and all of that. Robin said some of them are talking about rape over that music. Howard said they should turn it off when they talk about rape. He replayed a clip of this woman talking about on campus rape and there's a dance beat going on behind her. Howard did his impression of that with Fred playing music for him. Howard had Robin ask him questions and he answered as the serious contestant with the music playing. Howard said Ross Matthews has a more feminine delivery than Robin does. Robin and Howard kept going with each contestant answering with a serious answer. He came up with really wacky stuff that the contestants could have said.
Howard said this is the best. He said he has to finish this. He said he's sure only 2 people watched this show. He said the talent competition was heavily weighed. He said Miss Colorado read a poem. He played audio of her doing that. Howard said he used to be able to jerk off to this pageant.
Howard said he blames Gretchen Carlson for this. Robin said it is her fault. Howard had fake Gretchen on the phone to talk about that. They had fake Gretchen clips answering questions that Howard asked.
Howard said Les Moonves is a brilliant programmer and his boner just died. Howard played more of the poem reader. He asked what the fuck happened as the woman was going on and on reading the poem. He said she's really into it. He said she's selling that poem. He said she didn't even win. Howard said guys probably told her that her poems are good. Robin said no one told her that.
Howard said this is good too. He said Miss Massachusetts sang a song and couldn't stay on key. Howard said Robin is 10 times better. He said just listen to this. Howard played the audio and she was way off. Howard said she stole Robin's bit. Fred played dogs barking as the song was playing. He threw in some Robin singing clips too. Howard said he has to be honest, he could tolerate this if she was in a bikini.
Robin asked what the ratings were. Howard said it was like a -4. He said he's sure they weren't high. He said that one woman recited a monologue about finding out she had cancer. Howard played that clip too. That was Miss Nebraska. Howard said ratings were down 19 percent. Robin said they didn't have great ratings in the first place. Howard said it was very depressing.
Howard said he pulled out questions they asked in 1959 and they were way easier and more with domestic issues. Howard played some audio of them asking women how you judge a person's greatness and things like that. Howard said that's when America was great. He said maybe that's what Trump was talking about. Howard said Ronnie says he jerked off to that 1959 telecast.
Howard took a call from fake Gretchen Carlson again and said she ruined the pageant. He had a quick conversation with the clips.
Howard said those were the days back in 1959. Howard said one woman was asked if she thinks Trump colluded with the Russians in this new pageant. Howard played the clip of that.
Howard said they asked another contestant about Trump's comments about white supremacists. He said this is heavy. He played a clip of that question too.
Howard went through some more serious questions from the pageant. He played another question that Maria Menounos asked at the pageant. It was about climate change and the Paris climate agreement. Fred played Maria's laugh. Howard said he had Maria tied up in the tickle chair at one point. He asked what the hell is happening.
Howard asked what kind of fucking pageant this is. He asked some crazy questions of his own. He asked who put Gretchen in charge of this pageant. He had fake Gretchen on the phone talking about what they'll be doing next year.
Howard asked more wacky questions. He kept going with that for a short time. He asked what happened to the bikini. He threw out a few more crazy questions and said that's enough of that. He said Norm Macdonald is there. He said he has to take a break and go pee. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and said he has Norm Macdonald there. He said Norm has a show (''Norm Macdonald Has a Show'') that premieres on Friday on Netflix. Gary said Norm just ran to the bathroom. Howard said he just did too.
Howard said he doesn't touch his penis when he goes. He said he just touches his underwear. Howard gave Norm another plug for the Netflix show. He said he used to watch his show on YouTube. He said Netflix must have seen it. He said David Letterman liked it and must have told Netflix about it.
Howard asked Norm if he washed his hands. Norm said of course he did. Howard said he had a whole agenda for him and then he went and became controversial again. Howard said he did an interview with the Hollywood Reporter and now he's been kicked off the Tonight Show. He said that must hurt. Norm said last time he did Jimmy was that show. He wanted to be on the show with Trump. He was the second guest on the show. He said no one said anything to him that day. He said after that show they were acting like Trump was Hitler. He said he knows that he's not Tim Russert. Howard said he's not George Stephanopoulos.
Howard said his feeling about the Jimmy Fallon thing is that Norm stuck up for Fallon for rubbing Trump's hair. He said that he shouldn't have been kicked off the show.
Howard said he was watching Norm's show on YouTube. He said he really likes his style. He said he liked that whole thing. He said now here he is on Netflix and Letterman had something to do with it. Norm said Dave is a Executive Producer of the show. He said that Dave didn't want to be called Executive Producer so he had different titles from week to week. Howard said Letterman loves Norm. He said he says he's the smartest comic that ever lived. Howard said he really is. Norm said he'd say that Howard and Dave are the two smartest guys he knows. He said Sam Kinison was amazing too. Howard said he used to open for Sam. Norm said that Sam really helped him. He said that Saturday Night Live were the four original things that he saw in his lifetime. Howard said Kinison was a supernova on stage. He said he has never seen a guy that conversational on stage. Norm said Bill Hicks was around at the time too. He said he was more on Kinison's side. He said Hicks would be yelling about this stuff that no one knew about. He said Kinison was just out there being brave. He said clubs are always filled with dates. He said that they're married or going out and Kinison was asking who's engaged and he'd do that yell. Howard said women would walk out of the show and Sam would not break.
Howard said Sam was a true comedian. He said that there are not true jokes today according to Norm. He said that he is conflicted on this. He said he saw Norm doing his thing on Saturday Night Live and he was good at that news thing. Norm said he would read the headline and just do that as a joke. He said that he thought that Jon Stewart was great. He said then every guy was a political pundit. He said it wasn't like Red Skelton was out there doing that. Howard said it is weird. He said you're kind of expected to do political humor.
Howard said comics are supposed to make you laugh. He said the irony about the article that came out about Norm is that he said he doesn't talk politics but then he talks about them in the whole interview. Norm said what maddens him about life is that he doesn't like talking about politics. He said he'd rather talk about The Bachelor and things like that. He said it's ironic. He said he's not sure if he's using that right. Howard said when he got fired from Saturday Night Live it was over him talking about OJ. He said as soon as he does talk politics then he gets in trouble.
Howard said that Norm goes to parties just to get sandwiches that have the crust cut off. Norm said he loves that. He said Howard must love that too.
Howard said Letterman must have helped him get this show on Netflix. Norm said it was Ted Sarandos who got him on there. Howard said Norm has to explain this to his audience. He said he looks for jokes that have the same setup as the punchline. Norm said he was on Weekend Update and this guy died who was known as a Yippie. He said that the joke was about Yippie! Jerry Rubin is dead. He said that then he said that it was supposed to be Yippie Jerry Rubin is dead.
Norm said he had a joke about Julia Roberts divorcing Lyle Lovett and it happened when she realized she was married to Lyle Lovett. Howard said Norm likes jokes like that. Norm said he would rather just say the facts.
Howard said Letterman said that the best thing is not to ask any question and just listen to the other person. Howard asked if he was serious. Norm said he was. He said he told him he's not good at listening. He said he called Dave because he needed advice and Dave had no idea how much advice he needed. Norm said that people aren't always very interesting. He said Ted at Netflix is a great guy. Howard said he must be a great guy to work with. He said he worked for Les Moonves. He said he didn't know what was going on with him at the time. He just knew he was being a dick to him.
Howard said they made Norm audition for his stand up at Netflix. Howard asked why they would do that. norm said they were doing a special a week and they said it would feel odd to call comedy ordinary. He said they wanted to keep calling it special. Norm said his dad lived during the depression. He said he was 62 when he had him. He said he had no money and he still got a woman. He told a story about how his dad told his bosses that they would never find 1000 men better than him. The story went on a lot longer than that but it was so involved i couldn't follow it.
Howard said he liked the bit he did about how people eat differently at restaurants. He said Norm said that you don't eat a loaf of bread before dinner at home. He said that's so true. Norm said that he had a joke about different pies. He said now they bring up a tray with a bunch of things on it. He said he's talking to you asking if you would like something chocolately or decadent. He said he asks if he can tempt you. He said he doesn't want to end up blowing the guy in the bathroom.
Howard asked Norm how it works when he is sitting in a restaurant and he realizes that when he orders dessert that it's not like the meal and he has something for his act. Norm said Jerry Seinfeld is amazing. He said he used to have a pad and pen. He said he'd throw jokes around at a party and he'd never write it down. He said that you'd wake up and not remember from the black outs. He said he had the idea to have a notebook and he'd write it down. He said he'd write down anything funny that anyone said. He said he had a notebook and he was writing stuff down and the next day he opened it up and all it said was ''That's really funny.''
Howard asked if Norm is sober now. Norm said he is. He said it was like 30 years ago that he stopped drinking. He said he won't drink at a party and they think he's an alcoholic. He said sometimes he'll get drunk out of his mind just to prove that he's not an alcoholic.
Howard said he thought that he was a gambler too. Norm said he got fatigued by all of that. He said you waste so much time with that. He said now he's quit The Bachelor because he's wasting so much time. He said he actually hasn't quit yet. He said he is wasting a lot of time though. He said he will find one guy and watch everything he's ever done on YouTube. Howard said he ends up doing that too. He said he's not sure if it's bad or good.
Norm said he has a nephew who makes lists and he was explaining to him that the lists are irresistible to people. He said that he makes lists of things and in his mind he was thinking it must be from the computer but it's just his nephew making this stuff up. He said his nephew made a list of 10 famous celebrity women who went black and didn't come back. Howard said he spends more time clicking on that stuff.
Howard said he loves this bit Norm does about women who have big asses being more famous than guys who walked on the moon. Norm said this guy Harrison Schmidt was the last guy to walk on the moon. He said that he was on the way to the moon and he was thinking that no one was going to fuck around with him anymore. He said he was going to have hot and cold running pussy. Then he goes to the moon and his future is people asking him his story about walking on the moon and people buy him a beer. He said you think about what makes people famous now. It's a giant ass. He said when he was a kid when a woman had a giant ass you'd go sit over there. He said that he always thought it was attractive. Howard asked what he thinks if Harrison Schmidt got ass implants. Norm laughed.
Howard said he has to talk about this controversy about the Hollywood Reporter interview. Norm said he wishes he never did it. He said he hates doing print interviews. He said they edit it and put it together and ask questions you may not want to answer. He said they put things together that you say and he's a dumb guy so they ask questions that throw you off.
Howard said they asked about Louis C.K. in the article and about Roseanne. Norm said they asked about Roseanne and how she's doing. He said he's in contact with her and she's heart broken and upset. He said he's never been through this so he didn't know what to say. He said that he asked Louis C.K.. He said that Roseanne had gone off on him in the past. Howard said he had the idea for them to talk to each other. Norm said he was worried about Roseanne and she was crying the whole time he talked to her. He said Louis was the one who said he should talk to her. He said that very few people have been through what they've been through. He said you say something or do something and your career is wiped out immediately and forever. He said they conflated that with him saying that the victims didn't lose everything. He said that's what he got in trouble for.
Howard said he knows people who have been through rape and things like that and they lose everything. Norm said he knows that. He said you'd have to have Down Syndrome to not feel sorry for them. Norm said that you want the MeToo thing to be for your daughters. He said he knows people who have horrible stories. He said they asked him about Roseanne, Chris Hardwick and Louis and he told them what he told them. He said that if someone murders someone and he does his time in jail and then gets out and gets a job no one is asking ''well what about the people he murdered?''
Howard asked if he was quoted inaccurately. Norm said he's not sure. He said the reporter was from the Hollywood Reporter and Vulture got the story and they wrote a different headline. He said they wrote that he was defending Louis C.K. and Roseanne Barr. He said he never defended them.
Howard said he's in a shit storm. He said that these quotes are things he may have to deny. Norm said that he thinks that's the worst thing you can do and Trump is saying it now. He said that's the worst thing you can do. Norm said he just knows what happened with Louis and Roseanne.
Howard asked what's going to happen now. He asked if Netflix told him to issue a statement. He said they must be concerned about this new show. Norm said it was the opposite. He said Ted was the greatest. He said Ted became his friend somehow. He said that he isn't friends with anyone. Howard said Norm doesn't hang with anyone. He said when Norm was on Saturday Night Live he refused to appear at the end of the show. Norm said he just felt like a jackass up there. He said the first show after 9/11 they had Paul Simon doing a song and they had all the first responders standing there with ash on them. He said they walked through the blood and bones on 5th Ave and all of that. He said that they were all standing there in hell and at the end of the show they were all high fiving. He said that it was a weird thing to do.
Norm said he was finished with Update by the end of the show and he would just leave. He said he didn't stick around to do the end thing. Norm said they had a party after Saturday Night Live and he went once. He said it was a big party. He said there were like 300 people there. He said he was there with Avril Lavigne or someone. He said they were all there and he was then alone at his table and a man came up with a bill for $4,600. He said he thought it was a party. He said they call it a party but he got the bill. He said it's a bar where everyone goes and the people who are around a while know to split early.
Howard said he thought that they would take care of the bill. He said Lorne is on his new show and he didn't want to talk about the early days of the show. Norm said that he wanted to talk about the Saturday Night Live he saw when he was growing up and Lorne didn't want to talk about it. He said he wondered what he was going to talk about. He said he realized that Lorne isn't stuck in the past but he is.
Howard asked Norm about this controversy. He said he heard about some of the things he said and he goes to be on the Tonight Show last night. He said Norm was ready to do the show around 4. Norm said he was going to do a sketch with him so he was there early. Norm said that this young girl came up to him and said she thought he had died. She thought that he was Burt Reynolds. Howard said that he was making fun of Burt. Norm said that he doesn't remember Burt from the Tonight Show. Howard said he almost beat up that Mark Summers. He said that's what he remembers about Burt. Norm said he liked slapping people. He said he was on My Name is Earl with Burt. He said that when you're on the show you think everyone is watching it. He said he didn't know anything about it. Norm said he went to the show and did the show. He said he was cast on the show as young Burt Reynolds. He said this was after Saturday Night Live. He said he went there and did the table read. He said he was convinced he was gong to tell them he was a big fan of the show. He said he was sitting next to Jaime Presley. He said she was pregnant at the time. He said he told her h he likes how they shoot around that. She told him she's pregnant on the show. He said he just said ''I know!'' He said he did the Burt Reynolds thing with Burt and he did like 54 takes. He said he talked to but and he told him that he ruined his career by going on the Tonight Show and being funny. He said Burt became that first action hero guy who was self deprecating. He said he loved Burt. He said he did the bit on Saturday Night Live and he did 20 of those on the show. He said the character was the 1970s Burt and no one even cared.
Norm said he told Burt about being a ladies man and Burt told him a story about telling a woman what room he'd be in. He said he was on the bed making out and she said she'd be right back, she had to take a dump. He said Burt said he ran away. Norm asked if that was weird to do. He said he got another girl in the elevator on the way down from that room.
Norm said Burt told him about doing Deliverance and how they got a guy to play the banjo and he was ''slow.'' He said he had an odd look to him. Norm said that guy didn't actually play banjo. He said that when you think of it you think of course he couldn't play banjo. He said if you watch it you see that he's not really playing. He said that Burt told him he does his own gags or stunts. He said he told him a story about going over a waterfall and Burt wanted to do it instead of a dummy being thrown over it. He said Burt figured out how to do the stunt. He said he gets out there and he goes over and does the first move and passes out. He said then he's unconscious and he wakes up and he's 60 yards down river and naked. He said 2 days later he wakes up and the producer is in bed with him telling him that he looked like a dummy falling over the waterfall.
Howard said it sounds like he had a good sense of humor. Howard said he just had a through that he was a guy who smacked women around. He said he was funny on the Tonight Show.
Norm said that Bob Uecker was a great. Howard said Don Rickles was great too. Norm said you know Rickles was doing improv because what he was saying didn't make sense. He told Howard some of the things you'd see him saying and how it don't make sense. Norm said Don told him he had the greatest job in the world. He said he'd just go in and tell the truth to these guys. He said he just tells people the truth and gets a job. He said he saw this thing one time on the Emmys and they had James Burrows getting a tribute and they had all of these people coming up talking about shows they did with him. Then Burrows comes up and does his thing. He said then Rickles goes up and says ''Who are you?'' He said he's been in the business 40 years and his name has never come up. He said you know that's true and that's what he was really thinking. Norm said that in his time it was Kinison, Rickles and Rodney. He said Rodney was so stand up to the core. He said he'd stop at the Improv to do a set and his wife was in her wedding dress. He said he walked by and Fred Stoller was there. He said Rodney told him he takes too many liberties with the audience. Howard asked what he meant by that. Rodney was telling him he was there to make people laugh. He said that's why Jerry Seinfeld is great. He said he makes the audience laugh. He said Rodney got up and told the audience that he got married that day and the wife stood up and the place went crazy. He said Rodney says ''She's no prize.'' He said that he joked about how they have nothing in common because he doesn't like sucking dick. Howard said he was a tsunami of comedy. He said it was sad that it happened for him so late in life. He said he wasn't so good in his early albums. He said he hadn't found the ''no respect'' thing yet.
Howard said that David Spade is great in his stand up. He said Norm has gotten really good too. Norm said that David gets work doing that when he's not working in TV or movies. Norm said he's been very lucky that way.
Howard asked how you work out the new material. Norm said he doesn't like doing specials all the time. He said that Richard Pryor did a ton of specials. Howard said that George Carlin said you can't have more than 7 great hours. He said that would be the Babe Ruth of comedy.
Norm said that Kinison gave him the best advice. He said he was doing comedy for like 4 months. He said once Kinison got on an airplane and he wasn't famous yet. He said they were on the plane and the pilot Johnson was on the microphone and Kinison yells out ''Oh no! Not crash Johnson!'' He said it freaked people out. He said it made him laugh. Norm said he was trying to get on TV and on Carson. He said he was trying to get on Carson and they told him he was more of a Jay Leno comic than a Carson comic. He said that he had like 8 minutes of dog material and Kinison asked why he talked so much about dogs if he didn't have a dog. He said that changed his whole thought about comedy. He said that changed everything for him. He said that's why he says that Howard is one of those guys. He said that Kinison was one of the last American voices but Howard is one of the last. He said that some people say they don't like Howard and he asks them if they know how hard it is to be original. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard asked about the Fallon people telling him he was off the show. Norm said they did the comedy sketch and he was going to do something with Matthew McConaughey. He said he really wanted to meet the guy. He said he went back to his room and some people from the show came to him. He said they were from NBC or something. He said they weren't sure if they should do the comedy bit because then everything is taken a different way. He said then he was supposed to do the Matthew McConaughey thing where they do true confessions. He said he was told they can't do that because it's true confessions. He said he didn't get what she was getting at. Norm said they thought that Jimmy would have to acknowledge this thing in the Hollywood Reporter. Howard asked if they brought that up and what they were offended by. Norm said he wants to say that he didn't say that. He said he's sorry if people took it that way. He said he's behind the MeToo movement. He said he never said the victims don't go through anything. He said he put Louis and Roseanne together to talk is because they could talk about what they have been through. He said he never said that he the victims don't lose anything. He said what the victims have been through his horrible. He said that he explained that to the people at the Tonight Show. He said he was told not to do the bit on the show. Howard said they put one of the guys from The Roots in there. Howard said he's not joking about that. Norm said he loves the Roots.
Howard said Norm is one of the greatest guests on talk shows too. He said he was great on Letterman. Norm said he prepares before he goes on shows like that. Howard said he does the prep. Norm said what he started to do with Letterman was not telling the segment producer in the pre-interview. He said that he didn't want to tell the same story that Letterman had already heard. He said he would prepare two things. He said he would do a false thing and a real thing. He said Dave was always fantastic.
Norm said Jimmy came to him yesterday and he loves that guy. He said he loves him because he does nothing about the news. He said that's why he loves the guy. He said he's a song and dance guy. He said he's the nicest guy. He said he came in to talk to him and he didn't know what to do. He said he talked to him during the press conference and said something that wasn't good. He said he feels for the MeToo movement. He said that he hates that people think that he did something wrong. Howard asked if he had sad Jimmy or fun Jimmy in the room. Norm said it was more of a concerned Jimmy. He said then they were talking about comedy and he said he wanted to address this thing at the end of it. He said he knew he had done something wrong and he knew what he had to address.
Norm said Jimmy wasn't even sure what to ask him to address this. He said that this had just happened hours before so he didn't know what to say.
Norm told Howard about what a great guy Ted Sarandos is and how they were there at the Tonight Show. He said he's not a giant star. He said Howard should know that. Howard said he should be though. Norm said he found a friend in Ted who has enormous power. He said Ted knows that he's a good person. He said he knows that he's not doing anything against the MeToo movement.
Howard asked how he got booted off the show. Norm said he went into hair and makeup and he thought he'd be seeing Jimmy later. He said he was sitting there and thinking about what to do when he went out there. Howard asked if there was a suggestion to say something. Norm said they did and he wanted to do it at the end if he needed to be addressed. He said they agreed to that but then Jimmy came back in and said that he wanted to talk to him. He said Jimmy was very broken up about it and didn't know what to do. Norm asked if he thinks he shouldn't do the show. He said Jimmy said people are crying over it. He said his senior producers were crying over it. Norm said he didn't know he had the capacity to make people cry. He said he felt so bad about it. He said that he thinks it would hurt the show tonight so he told him to come back any time.
Howard asked if The View is going to cancel too. Norm said they haven't said anything. He said that he's not sure about print interviews. He said that Sandler never did print interviews after doing one that didn't go well. He said that he was supposed to talk to Rolling Stone and he doesn't want it to be all about this. He said he put up an apology on Twitter. He said Ted told him to write his own thing.
Norm asked if he can read his apology. Howard said he would like to hear that. Norm explained what he was asked about in this article about Chris Hardwick. He said if one woman accuses someone of something he's not sure what to think. He said if many women come out then it's kind of obvious.
Howard gave Norm some plugs for what he has coming up comedy wise and for his show on Netflix. Norm said he was asked if he was going to be light on this show. He said he was thinking about how Howard is funny and he might be funny on the show. He said he's not being light about this subject though. He said he's not minimizing anything that causes people pain. He said people ask him what's off limits. He said he says most things are off limits for him.
Howard asked if there's still a chance that the show could get canceled. Norm said he hasn't heard anything about that. He said that Ted seems to like him. He said that he's not sure what will happen with his production company and Netflix.
Howard got a hold of Norm's apology on Twitter and read it. Howard said he likes that guy Norm works with on his show. He asked if he's a comic. Norm said he's not. He said he got a guy to be like his Ed McMahon. He said he wanted a guy to be afraid of him like McMahon was with Carson. He said he wanted a guy he could crush. Norm asked if they can bring him in. Howard said maybe that would be a good way to end this.
Howard had Norm's co-host in. Howard said he likes this guy on YouTube. His name is Adam Eget. Howard spent a minute talking to Adam and Norm told a story about how Adam used to jerk guys off for $15. Howard said usually they wouldn't have him in there but they wanted to lighten the mood after Norm's apology story.
Norm said that Adam is friends with Spade and he thinks that he's dumping him for Spade. Gary said he met Adam when Spade took him to Oldchella for the whole weekend. Norm didn't know about that.
Howard said he realized that he did their show after he was fired from Saturday Night Live. He said now he's on the show after this thing. He said it's kind of weird. Norm said he's his father confessor.
Norm had a joke to tell before he ended the interview. Howard asked what Adam thinks will happen with the show. Adam said they can see that Norm is really sorry about this. Norm said he was up all night. He said he doesn't want to hurt people. Howard asked Robin if Norm has addressed this. Robin said he did a good job.
Howard ran down the list of people that Norm has on his show. He has Chevy Chase on. He asked if he talked to him about starting the news segment. Norm said he actually did. Howard said he had Judge Judy on the show too. Norm said he loves her. He said he had to have her on. Norm said that Ted told him to just interview people he likes. He said he didn't know everyone loves Judge Judy. He said 9 year old kids love her. He said he loves that she got rich in her mid-50s.
Howard said quick story before he leaves. He asked about Al Franken wanting to be the news guy on Saturday Night Live and he left he show because Norm got it. Norm said he did want to be the anchor. He said Don Ohlmeyer argued against that. Howard said he would have been the political guy if Al got that job.
Howard said they should leave on a joke. He had Norm tell a joke. Norm went into one of his long jokes about someone working in a bank and a frog shows up. Norm told a MeToo joke that he thinks empowers women. He said the frog tells this woman to kiss him and he'll become a handsome prince. He said the woman says ''Fuck that, I'd rather have a talking frog.''
Norm said that Adam came to him once and told him he made $104.25. He said that he asked him who gave him the 25 cents. He said Adam said ''everyone.''
Howard asked Norm to tell the joke. Norm got into the bank joke again. Norm said that this frog goes into a bank. He said that's the funny part right there. He said the frog goes to the teller and says he needs a loan. He said that her name is Miss Wack. He said that he needs her alone. Norm said that Patty Wack says she's never seen a frog in the bank. He said she asks what he needs the loan for. He said the frog shows her a thing you put on your mantle piece. Patty says whatever, we'll get the paperwork out. He said she asks what his name is and he says Kermit. He said she says that's bullshit, she's seen him. Kermit tell her that he's Kermit Jagger. His father is Mick Jagger. He said that Mick Jagger fucked a frog. He said the teller gets the manager to make sure this is okay. She said she tells the boss what was going on and asked what his advice would be. The guy looks at her and asks him what the thing is he wants to buy. He responds with ''It's a knick knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan, his father was a Rolling Stone.''
Howard said no wonder Fallon threw him off the show. Howard told a story about how Norm wrote one joke for Dennis Miller and just one joke. Norm told Howard what the joke was. It was about Jeffrey Dahmer. Howard said Dennis thought he had more jokes and it was just the one he wanted to send. Little did he know that Norm only had one joke. Howard tried to wrap up with Norm but he had another joke.
Norm told a joke about Donald Trump going into a bar. He said he has a genie who gave him three wishes. He said the bartender asked what he wished for. He wished for money and all the women in the world. He said then he fucked up a little and wished for a giant pumpkin head. Howard said look at you with those jokes. Norm told another long joke about Trump after that. Howard wrapped up with Norm and Adam and went to break a short time later.
Howard asked if that helped clear things up for Robin. Robin said it did. Howard said Norm is one of the greatest stand ups. He said he saw him in a club once. He said he saw him at Caroline's he thinks. He said he was amazed. He said he's a masterful comic. He said his comedy seems to never be political. He said there you go.
Robin started her news and said that Paul Simon is calling it quits at 76. Robin said he's done writing songs. She said he stopped writing new songs 2 years ago and that's it from him for new music. Robin said now he's going to travel the world. Howard said he's written a lot of great music. He said he wrote enough. He said he did it all and said it all. Robin said now he's going to travel the world.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who said that Fallon is spineless for what he did to Norm. Howard said he thinks that they were thinking it might ruin the comedy of that night if he had to make an apology. He said he's not sure. Jim said it sounds like the producers made him choose. Howard said the producers were crying. He said he thinks that Jimmy and Norm decided together. Jim said he's disappointed in Fallon. He said Howard didn't even think about canceling Norm today. Howard said not at all. He said he feels very strongly that guys like Les and Harvey owe these women a big apology. He said it's despicable what they did. He said he wanted to hear what Norm had to say for himself.
Robin said part of the problem was that it was from an interview Norm did and sometimes when you see what you said in print is a lot different than what you said. Robin said it doesn't read the way you said it.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Tinder and their new ''top picks'' feature. Robin said they give you the top picks for you in the app. Howard said imagine him showing up in that. He said they'd have no picks for him. He said Benjy would be his perfect match or something. He said that's a real honest opinion about your looks. Robin said Tinder says this new feature will be available worldwide. Howard said he knows he's so ugly that he'd be like Herman Munster on that app. He said no one would pick him. He said they'd just tell him he's going to die alone.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that NBC owes Norm an apology. She said that Netflix is doing to networks what Howard and Sirius did to radio. She said she thinks that there was more to it than the article. Howard said there's always a conspiracy theory.
Robin read a story about flu vaccines and asked if Howard has had one yet. Howard said not yet. He said he should. Robin said they say immunity starts to fade after just a few weeks. Howard said he didn't know that. He asked if he should not get it. Robin said she has the same questions he has. Robin said a study shows that the risk of getting the flu goes up every 16 days. Robin said if you get it in September it could be ineffective by flu season.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked him for spending so much time with Norm. Howard said he can do that on satellite. He said he's exhausted from it though. The caller said that Mariann from Brooklyn was upset about a caller asking to ban her and she called Bubba's show to ask for him to be banned from Bubba's show. She blocked him when he questioned her about it. Mariann was on the phone so she explained to Mike what she was doing about him and why she blocked him.
Mariann was talking about Norm and how he made a statement and she was saying that we have to watch every word we say. She said that Julie Chen made a statement about supporting her husband and all of that. Howard let her and Mike go after that.
Robin read a story about transgender teens and how more than half have tried to kill themselves. Robin read some details about that. Howard said it's sad.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that it's wrong that the Tonight Show took Norm off the show. Howard said he doesn't know what happened there. Ralph said everyone is so scared now it's ridiculous.
Robin read a story about the couple who helped a homeless man by doing a fund raiser on GoFundMe. Robin said they collected $400,000 and they may go to jail for fraud because the money disappeared and the man only got about $75,000 of it. Robin said the boyfriend was also arrested on an outstanding warrant. Robin said things are going from bad to worse for that couple.
Robin read a story about Bob Woodward's new book about Trump and they say that Trump was asked for advice about something and he told the person that you just deny, deny, deny if a woman accuses you of something. Howard said he gave that advice to Fred Norris. Fred said that didn't happen.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked him for all of these years. He said he's had a rough life. He said his mother passed away at 5. He said his first wife passed from cancer at 45. He said then he got remarried and she passed away at 54 from cancer. Howard said he's getting nervous talking to the guy on the phone. The caller said that's all true. Howard said he can top that because his mother took his temperature anally until he was in high school.
Robin read a story about President Trump marking 9/11 yesterday by going to Pennsylvania and praising the passengers of flight 93. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Robin said he also applauded himself for the work they did in Puerto Rico last year. Robin had a clip of that too. Robin said critics are reminding people that 3000 people died there. Robin said the governor said that the president was wrong saying it was successful.
Robin read a story about a coalition that's fighting Trump's trade tariffs. Robin had some details about that. Robin said a lot of people are squirming thinking that Trump may put more tariffs in place.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said ''Chello'' to Robin. Howard said he can stop there and say it as a good call. Jeff said have a good weekend.
Howard took a call from Balls who said he worries for norm. He hopes he doesn't have the stigma that Weinstein and all of those guys have. Howard said he doesn't think that will happen. He said Norm just commented on something in the news.
Robin read a story about Elizabeth Smart who was kidnapped from her home and no one was able to find her for over a year. Robin said she had been abducted by a man and his girlfriend. She was raped almost every day and forced to drink and take drugs. Robin said the woman who helped keep her confined is getting an early release. Robin said she wasn't supposed to get out until 2024. Robin said she's getting out this week. Howard said this is such bullshit. Robin said they didn't credit her for time served in prison so they are releasing her this week. Howard said he can't believe she got that amount of time. Howard said they forced that 14 year old girl to do things that were so wrong. He said he can't believe this woman is getting out. Howard said they should bring back firing squads to take care of things like this. Robin said that Elizabeth Smart has said she can't believe this woman is getting out.
Robin read a story about everyone gearing up for Florence the hurricane. Robin said the southeast coast is evacuating. Robin said that in South Carolina they're evacuating people but there are people who are refusing to leave. Robin had some audio of people talking about waiting to see what's going to happen before they leave.
Robin read a story about a Backstreet boy, Nick Carter, who was accused of sexually assaulting a woman in a bathroom years ago. That charge was dropped. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Today's replay show was over around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 10:55am.