Howard started the show testing his microphone like his dad did back in the day. He did his impression of Ben and Fred played the ''proper modulation'' clip. Howard said his dad was very professional behind the microphone. He said he always wanted to hear himself on microphone. He always told him he was a sound man and he said he sounded like shit. He said he never actually said that. He said he's just in a negative mood. He said he walks around in angry all the time.
Howard said everything sets him off. He said he was reviewing his weekend and it started with The Bachelorette. He said that she kind of angered him. He said he got upset with the finale of the show. He said this rap has nothing to do with that show but more about what sets him off. He said the Bachelorette was a young lady who wanted a relationship with a man and she had like 50 bachelors. He said she got engaged and in the last episode they asked how things were going after not being on TV. He said they described that it has been bumpy the past couple of months. He said he wanted to ask what those bumps were. He said they met on a TV show so of course things are bumpy.
Howard said his level of anger is right back up there. He said he walks around with this anger and it's all over that show but it's not really. He said it's about life and the planet they live on and the people who are on it. He said you can't get through to people who are idiots. He said they say they understand but they don't really. He said you wonder why you have to live on the planet with them.
Howard said host of the Bachelorette was dancing around this guy who said something on social media and they never tell you what it was he said that got him in trouble. He said that was so frustrating. He said he evidently liked some things on Twitter or Instagram that were offensive. He said just listen to this. He played a clip where the couple talked about the tough times and the problems the Bachelor had when he was on social media. They talked to both of them about this mystery thing and never said what exactly it was.
Howard said this is when Chris Harrison should have said what this guy did that upset people. He said that he'd like to know what he did that upset people. He wanted to know what this guy liked. He said they don't tell you.
Howard said he would have fired Chris over this if he were ABC. He said they should have said what he liked. He said he wants to know what he liked. He said he'd like to know what this woman is putting up with.
Howard said he was sitting there for like 10 minutes trying to figure out what this was about. He said he wants to know what he did that caused this controversy. Chris kept going with the questions about their relationship and how it was affected by this. Howard said this was a major thing and they had to push through it. He said he gets so worked up that Beth had to tell him to calm down. Robin said he is wasting his time with this.
Howard said he grabbed a pad to write down some stuff. He said that he has a pen with a light on it. He said he had to look up what this guy liked on Instagram. He said he shouldn't have homework from The Bachelor. He wondered if he liked a Holocaust thing or what. He isn't sure what this guy did.
Howard played more of the audio and said everything sets him off. Robin said he's wasting his time with this. Howard said he looked up what this guy liked. He said they meet on a reality TV show. He said that this Becca is a Hillary supporter. He said that there are people who say that this kid in the Parkland school shooting was an actor. He liked that and he liked a soldier tossing a little kid around and a joke about how you have to throw it back. He said this guy liked stuff like that. Robin said she still chose him.
Howard said that if he had just met Beth and he found out that she supported the crisis actor thing he'd dump her. He said that's weird to him. Howard said he knew this guy was a moron from the start. He said first of all he's meeting his girlfriend on TV. He said he's crying in every episode and tweeting about how men are crying all the time. He said that couple is doomed. He said she said they worked through it. He said this Crisis Actor thing has been proven false. He said that's Alex Jones type weird stuff. He said he was liking the boys are feminine thing. He said meanwhile he's on the show crying over this girl all the time.
Howard said this guy got rid of his history and now she's fine with him. He said she has to break up with him. He said that's going to last a few more months. He said he'd keep one eye open all night if Beth was liking stuff like that.
Howard said this is the stuff he gets worked up over. He said he wrote down what he did this weekend. Robin said there is an opportunity for a great life there. Howard said his typical day is this. He said you think he's got it all with the career, kids and wife. He asked what could go wrong?
Howard said first of all Beth gave him an assignment to do a painting for someone they know. He said he asked why he has to be the gift. He said he took up painting to relax. He said he's trying to get out of his head. He said his head is full of radio shows and bullshit. He said he's obsessing over The Bachelor. He said that it takes more courage to be a trans kid and come out than to be on The Bachelor. He asked what this guy is doing for a living and why he's not at his job. He said this woman was also rejected by 20 guys. He asked why everything upsets him.
Robin asked about the painting. Howard said this manly dude is going to end up on Dancing with the Stars. He said join the military. He said that's a real man. He said he'd like to see him take a gun up against another guy. Robin said they all think they're in show business. Howard said he'll end up on Dancing with the Stars.
Howard said he was going to take up some painting this weekend but he got stressed out. He said he's not that good at painting. He said it's almost like a job for him. He said he doesn't want assignments. He said he's all stressed out about it. He said he wants to come through for Beth though. He said in order to release his stress he goes for a walk with Beth. He said he can't run anymore. He said running is over with. He said now he's just getting fat. He said he has tits and a belly. He said he used to be able to control his weight with running. Robin said he could do other things. Howard said there's nothing else he wants to do. He hates it all.
Howard said they go for a walk for 3 miles. He said sometimes even 4. Robin said that sounds great. Robin said it's in a nice area too. Howard said it is. He said he was walking and he sees a dog. He said Beth is on her phone the whole time telling him horrible stories about animals being mistreated. He said that he tells her that he hates people already. He said she told him about a cat that was about to be euthanized. He said she was shown a picture of this really great cat. He said that she was told not to scroll or you'll see who is on death row at the shelter. Howard said Beth sees this cat that's 11 years old and it's at a kill shelter. He said this is what his head is filled with. He said he loves his wife for saving the animals but it's so sad. He said this family had the cat for 11 years and they gave it up to a kill shelter. He said people say they can't take care of cats but they're full of shit. He said it doesn't take much to take care of a cat. Howard said cats aren't needy like a dog. He said they had this cat for 11 years and they're about to kill it.
Howard said these people who put the animals down must be made of steel. He said this 11 year old cat is the nicest cat. He said he wants to kill himself when he thinks about humanity. Robin said he has to protect himself. She said he's going to get an ulcer. Howard said he gets so upset and riled up. He said he can't take it anymore.
Howard said he's hearing about the cat holocaust and then he sees a dog tied to a fence. He said it was like 99 degrees out a couple days ago. He said the ground is really hot and the dog is tied up. He said the tongue was out and the dog is panting. He said it can't breathe. He said that he sees the dog and it doesn't have water or shade. He said 2 feet away is shade. He said the dog's feet are on the ground and it's hot down there. He said imagine you put this guy on the ground to do that. He asked how someone could do that to a dog. He said he had to calm himself down. He said they start walking away and he's mumbling ''Those mother fuckers...'' He ended up running back and says to the guys who are around the dog asking if they belonged to it. He said this guy said don't worry about it. Howard said he told him there's shade a foot away. Howard said while he's talking to him he drinks a bottle of water for himself. He said the dog has to be thirsty. He said he was just making sure the dog was okay. He said the guy told him not to worry about it.
Howard said sure enough the guy takes the dog. He said he told Beth he had to get out of there. He said he was afraid he was going to see more shit on the planet. He said he walks home and he's all worked up. He said he was going on and on about the dog.
Howard said he has some weights to work out with at home. He said people call their room with that stuff in it a gym. He said it's not a gym. He said he went to look at a house once and they said they had a full gym. He said it was just one machine in the guy's room. He said they were lying about it.
Howard said he went to work out at home and he put on Lithium on SiriusXM. He said that's what he works out to. He said if you want to look like him listen to that. He said that Beth sees another cat that was left alone for 3 weeks without food and water. He said it was another story about man and the way he treats animals. He said they're at the mercy of morons. Howard said he gets down and down. He said that he put on Lithium and went to work out. He said you should see this workout he does. He said it's so lame. He said he's down to like curling 20 pounds. He said that's what a woman does. He said his arms don't look any different. Howard said he does 10 push ups and that's an effort. He said his neck hurts and he's completely falling apart. He said his weights are now pink.
Howard said Beth does a more vigorous workout than he does. He said he's really in a hole. He said he put on Alice in Chains ''Down in a Hole'' on Lithium. He said if you're in a negative mood then don't put this on. Howard said this is what he was working out to. He had Fred play the song. Howard said he was feeling negative from the dog and the cat stories. He said this Bachelor was pissing him off too. He said this guy in Alice in Chains killed himself. He said just listen to what they were writing and you see why. He said he wasn't really aware of why he was so bummed out. He said about halfway through the song he realized that it was called ''Down in a Hole.''
Howard said now the cats and the dog chained to the fence are going through his head. He said he was thinking about the Bachelorette and what's going on in the world. He said there are these alt-right assholes out there. He asked how you get out of the hole.
Howard said he got all worked up from that song. He said that he went on his email after his workout. He said he didn't even break a sweat from that. He said this is ridiculous. He said he use to do like 60 push ups and sit ups.
Howard said he liked what this guy had to say. He said he listened to the clip of the guy quitting. He said the other guys blew it for him. He said that Imus quit in the middle of the show but you knew it was all set up. He said that these guys with Lanigan said ''I guess he's gone. That's it.'' He said they ruined it. He said they knew in advance or that was his impression anyway. Howard said he really is going. Robin said if they didn't know they'd have a question.
Howard had the clip so he asked if Robin wanted to hear it. Robin said sure. Howard played the clip and Lanigan asked to talk to one of the guys and said that it's been a privilege working with this sportscaster. Lanigan then said he's done and he's quitting that day. Lanigan said he's not going to be back on The Spew. He talked about the great times he's had on the air there in Cleveland. Lanigan said that he isn't having fun on the show like he thought he would. The other guys didn't seem so surprised by it. Howard said it seems like it was staged to him.
Howard said this guy is too professional to just walk off. He said that he's not going to quit in the middle of a show. He said the guy did seem genuine with his statement though. Howard said the guy is 75 now so maybe it is time to give it up. He said that he had enough money to retire so just stay home. He said he buys his statement but he didn't buy Imus' statement.
Howard said he thought that this guy was pretty cool. Robin said he's pretty aware. Howard said the guy was pretty honest about not caring about Cleveland or Trump.
Howard said he thinks he gets affected by the animals on death row. He said he feels like he is the dog chained to the fence. Robin said he also is disappointed in the people. Howard said he saw Roger Waters was at it again with the big sign that said something about Israel. He said he can't shut up about it. Robin said he should realize he's not bright enough. Howard said he wishes John Lanigan would talk to him and tell him to shut up.
Howard said that it flashed him front of him about the immigrants getting kicked out of the country. He said Melania's parents jumped to the front of the line to become citizens. Robin said Trump is against that too. Howard said that everyone seems to forget that we all came from someone immigrating. Howard said if his grandfathers hadn't made it in then where would they have gone? Robin said Trump must think he's an Indian. Howard said he went from the dog tied to the fence to his grandfather to Melania's parents just waltzing in. He said that was his weekend.
Robin said that she has to say something to him. She said don't get involved with things that upset you or block off some time to be upset and do something about it. She said just do something about one little thing instead of bumming out about it.
Howard said the Roger Waters sign said something like ''Resist Israeli Anti-Semitism.'' Howard said that this was in Poland. He said they have a history of anti-Semitism there. He asked who would listen to that guy. He said he can't even get along with the rest of the guys in Pink Floyd. He said then he goes to Poland to stir up the people there about the Jews. Howard said they know how it went over there when they got a hold of the Jews. Howard said they should have a concert where they support David Gilmore and have a sign saying ''Resist Roger Waters.''
Howard said this guy can't just sing. He said he has a message. He said John Lanigan had it right. He doesn't know what's going on so he's done with that show. Howard said he's not going to walk off his show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there's too much spewing about things that aren't manly on the show. Howard said he spaced out during that. The caller said it's too much bachelor and cats. Howard said that he's the reason he's depressed. Howard said he's talking about things that upset him. He said that it's not about the Bachelor or cats.
Howard played Imus' final show speech and said it's just bad acting. He said it's really pathetic. In the clip Imus sounds like he's crying. Howard said he can guarantee that he's not going to just slam his headphones down and walk off the show. He said Robin would smack him if he did that. He said he hopes she would. Robin said she wouldn't let him go out in an embarrassing way.
Howard said what a pathetic end for Imus. He said he was kind of referenced in this goodbye. He let it play and Imus mentioned the insecure and envious shock jock. Howard said that was him. He said he's not sure why Al Sharpton was on his shit list. Howard said just say Howard Stern. He said the guy can't even say his name. Howard said he's not envious of that dude. He said that he has a bigger audience and he's always had a bigger audience.
Howard said he has to hear this again. He said he's going to listen to this the rest of the show so tune out. He said that this is the worst and greatest goodbye ever. He said listen to John Lanigan. He said that he said something meaningful. He said he was proud of that guy. He said that guy said what he felt and he was done with that show. He said Imus is crying because he's old, not because he cares about the audience. Howard said he's spending the rest of the show on this.
Howard played the clip again and picked out all of the little things Imus was doing. He goofed on him about a weird sound he made. Howard said he's like a dog. Fred had some barking dogs playing. Howard said Imus called Robin and Fred ''yapping mutts.''
Robin said this guy is talking about morality. Howard said he's the guy who used to yell the n-word in the halls. Robin said they weren't supposed to look at him or speak to him. Robin said what an asshole.
Howard played more of the goodbye speech and goofed on his mumbling. Howard said get a grip. He said he wanted to be poetic and intellectual. Howard goofed on Imus trying to say ''caravan'' because he said it like ''cryovan.'' Howard said he's like Don Shakespeare. He played more of the clip and said the guy sounds like he's lost his mind.
Howard said he is close to being the Elephant Man. He did his Elephant Man voice doing his speech. He would play a few words and then say it like the Elephant Man. Fred played an Elephant Man movie clip with an Imus ''quack, quack'' clip.
Howard played more of the speech and kept goofing on Imus. Fred played the quacking. Then Imus throws his microphone down and they play a Kid Rock song. Howard wondered how they picked that song. He said that was conveniently cued up and ready to go.
Howard said that sounded so stupid. He said John Lanigan quit in the middle of a show but he believed his words. He said he liked it better when he read it. He said he knew it was fake but his thoughts were real. He said Imus was totally fake. He said he had his Kid Rock song all cued up. He said that was cute.
Howard said that gives it away. He said you don't have a song cued up. He said it's so rebellious. He said he probably took a nap right after. He said even the microphone slamming down was fake. He said that had to be fake. He did his Imus impression and goofed on him a little longer.
Howard said they're the only ones who care about this. Fred played the quack sound again. Howard said that's what Imus was doing when he came to New York. He said that's what his show was. He said he was on the route to greatness though. Howard said they have to interview those guys who were part of that broadcast.
Howard said he liked what John Lanigan had to say about quitting his show. He said that he just doesn't care about Cleveland or politics. He said he approved of his resignation but not Imus'. Robin agreed.
Howard said he doesn't get why he picked that Kid Rock song. Fred figured it was the lyric ''You've never met a mother fucker like me'' line.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked how he's going to retire. Howard said he's just going to say he's had enough and stop broadcasting. Fred played the headphone drop from Imus' show. Howard said he's not going to fake leaving in the middle of a show. He said if Imus was honest he'd just say that was a mistake and everyone knew that he was leaving. He said John Lanigan did it right other than quitting in the middle of the show. He said he didn't care about this anymore.
The caller said she thinks that Imus was jealous of Howard's show. Howard said Imus changed his show after watching his show. He said that he's stupid for even bringing him up. The caller said she thought they were mean to Imus but then she brings them back to what that guy was all about. Howard said he'd never even bring up Imus' retirement but he wasn't honest. He said he's not sure why radio guys think they're rebels. He said if he's working at Microsoft you don't leave in the middle of the day.
Howard said it's like he's destroying the place throwing the headphones down. He said you'd have thought he was a political prisoner who stood up to Apartheid. He said he didn't do anything. He did his impression of Imus and said he's an idiot and ''I'm an idiot.'' They're just radio guys. He said there are guys who go into bringing buildings and don't talk like that. He said he knows guys who fought in Afghanistan who don't get that worked up about themselves. He said he was talking to a guy this weekend about that and he wasn't worked up about it at all. Howard said John McCain was in a rat infested cell for 5 years. He said you ask him about that and he just says he wasn't a hero. Robin said he can't raise his arms because of his imprisonment. Howard said he was humbled to be in his presence. He said Imus used to dress like a soldier. He said he has to calm the fuck down.
Howard played more of the Imus goodbye and goofed on him. Howard said he had that guy who killed Osama bin Laden in here and he didn't carry on this much. He said that he didn't cry or carry on at all. He said this Imus goes on and on. He said he told you that he was going to do this all morning. He said he has members of his family who are holocaust survivors and they didn't carry on like this. He said his grandmother would cry and tell him about it as bedtime stories.
Howard played the Imus goodbye again and said he has to take a quaaludes after listening to this. Howard said Imus' producer is on the phone. He took the call from the guys in the back who were talking about Imus' last day. Howard said he really has to take a break. Fred said that the sound effect was staged. He said it's called Static Noise, Microphone Drop. Fred found the actual clip that they didn't do for real. He said they didn't even go that far to find a sound effect. Howard said at least make your own. Fred played the two clips. Howard said it sounds like the combo'd two clips. He said at least make it sound like you're looking for a song to play. He said everything depresses him. He said it's all so weird.
Howard did more of his Imus impression and said he should have done one last quack, quack before he left. He said that it's all so fake now that they know the microphone drop sound was faked. Howard said his name is Da Bad Ass like JD. Howard asked where JD got that name. JD said it was a joke that someone called him one day. Howard said that's clearer than Imus at least.
Gary said they said that his name was Cheesy Da Bad Ass. JD said it was Cheesy and then Da Bad Ass. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break after that.
Howard said all Imus clips will be tossed as of 8:30am August 13th. Robin said he is not tossing that clip.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what the best gun is for home defense. Howard asked if someone is attacking his house. The caller said his sister's purse was stolen and his brother in law tried to stop the guy and he is in the hospital after getting injured. Howard said the Glock 19 is the best. The caller said that the thieves came to their house and stole their car. He said now he wants to get a gun after not being a gun guy. Howard said this sounds like a guy who is going to end up shooting himself. He said at least learn how to fire it.
Howard asked why you'd take his word for it. He said you have to go and learn what you like. Robin said he's not bright enough to advise that guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about his new board. He said the show has been fantastic. He said that Fred is able to come up with drops so fast. He asked if he has a voice analyzer or something. Howard said he's not sure how Fred does it but he's fantastic. He said a little applause for Fred but after today no more calls about Fred. He said he will only take compliments about himself. Robin said that's not right. Howard said you can compliment Robin too.
Howard took a call from a guy asking what the best flamethrower is to use for home defense in Vietnam. It was one of the guys in the back office doing the bit. Howard had some suggestions for him.
Howard said they love busting balls. He said they called a guy who has a show one night a week. He said on Fridays they only talk sports on this show. He said that pissed him off. He said it's usually a show about politics. He said they took that opportunity to bust balls. Howard played the phony phone call that the guys made to this guy with one of the guys doing a computer-like voice. They had questions about politics on the sports only night. The host of the show got all pissed off yelling at the caller. The guy said he just wanted to talk football and that's it.
Howard said that was one of the best calls. He had the computer-like voice on the phone. He had a conversation with him for a few seconds.
Howard said this Labor Day they'll be doing the phony phone-a-thon happening again. Howard said today is also Underdog's birthday. Howard asked Robin how old she thinks she is. Robin guessed 52. Howard said try again. She tried 56, 60 and 61. Howard said she's actually 66. He had Fake Underdog (Rachel Butera) singing to herself. Howard said she's 102 years old in dog years. Howard went to break after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she called a few months ago about a sex story. She said she has another one to tell today. Howard said they saw her last time when she sent pictures. She said that they can put her picture up online too. Robin asked if she really wants that. Howard said he's not going to publish her picture. The caller said she had a threesome and she got tied up to the bed. Howard said he remembers she was hot. Howard said his fans are creeps. He said he hopes she remembers that. The caller said that the fans found her even though her account was private.
The caller, Janet, said she was on a cruise and there was a hot fitness trainer on the cruise line. Howard asked how old she is. She said she's 31. Howard had her go on. Janet said that she was attracted to this guy and on day 3 he asked her to meet her at the bar. She said around 11 at night she was drinking and he took her to see the stars and the moon. Howard asked Gary to bring in his lotion.
Howard asked what she was wearing on this thing. Janet said she had a really sexy dress on. She said that's on her Instagram. Howard said he just wants to comment. He said this guy is very unprofessional. He said he's supposed to be working. Janet said he's correct. Howard asked what the dress was like. She said it's high in the front and low in the front with the breasts. She said she has 34-Ds. Howard asked what she weighs. She said she's 125. Howard asked more about the dress. She said it has a knot in the middle so you see a lot.
Howard asked if she went on the cruise hoping to have sex. She said she did bring protection just in case. She said not with a crew member. She said that she brought condoms with her. Janet said that she went to the deck with the guy and part of the gym is a spa. She said he took her into the spa area and they went into a massage room. She said that he started going down on her while she was on the table. Janet said she didn't have any underwear on.
Howard asked where her pictures are. Gary said that they can't find her on Instagram. He said Brent had friended her but they can't find her. Howard put her on hold so they could get her information. He said he knows that's creepy but he's doing it anyway.
Howard asked if she told Gary. Janet said yes. Howard asked her to keep going. He asked what went on. She said they were kissing and her pushed her down on this table. She said that he was pushing his body on her. She said that the massage table was behind her. She said her legs went up because she was going backwards.
Janet said the guy lifted her dress up and she grabbed her purse. She said she got the condom out. Howard asked if he just lifted it up to see her vag. She said he did. She said that he used his fingers on her and he was very good at it. Howard said most guys are not good at that. He said he's not. Janet said that he was very good at it. She said that he was penetrating her with his fingers. She said he was rubbing her breasts.
Howard got the pictures of her from Gary. Howard asked if they can link to her. Gary said they can. Janet said that they have to request being a friend. Gary said there are a lot of pictures and videos on her account. Howard asked if she has a normal job. Janet said she does. Howard said she's dressed like a farm girl in one. She said she did a photo shoot. She said this guy wanted to get her some jobs modeling and she did the photo shoot. Howard said she looks really hot. He said he is an authority on hot. He said that Trump can't be the authority now so he's the guy. He said that she's a ''noine.''
Howard said Janet is in her little dress and she is kind of horny. She said that he learned English on his own and he's European. Howard said he loves that these guys come over and get our best women. Howard said build that wall Mr. President. He said keep the Europeans from getting our women.
Howard asked whose army he was in. Janet didn't remember. She said he was in Afghanistan though. Howard said he was probably in the Salvation Army. He was stationed at Macy's with a big pot and bell.
Howard said if he was a hot girl he'd wear panties. He said he wouldn't want his dress to get messed up from the juices. Janet said it was a floral dress. She said it probably wouldn't happen like he thinks. Robin said he's being overly cautious. Howard asked if Robin just lets it drip on the floor. Robin laughed. Howard said this is what prevents him from being a wild guy. He said he thinks of the horrors of what could go wrong. He said that she's wearing a thin dress and it could get wet. Robin said you just go back to your room.
Howard asked about the guy pulling up her dress and doing things to her vagine. He asked if he popped her breasts out. She said he did. She said it was pretty low already. Howard asked if she just went on speaker or something. She said she just went into the bathroom. She said she's getting ready for work.
Howard asked what happened next. She said she put a condom on the guy and he penetrated her. She said he wasn't huge but he was a good size. Howard asked if he was like 7 inches. She said at least. She said there was girth too. She said she was pretty tipsy at the time. She said that he got on her missionary style. She said her butt was on the table and then he was doing that to her and she still had her dress on. She said it was pulled up past her waist.
Howard said he's still wondering about the juices. Fred had some Ronnie clips he played about the pussy juices. Howard said he would have had one stroke and he'd be done. He said he would have ruined it for her. He said this story is so hot. Janet said it was very sexy. She said it reminded her of porn.
Janet said there was a knock on the door while they were doing it. She said that he told her to be completely quiet. She said they kept knocking and knocking. She said she told him to open the door. She said he had the key for that room and he knew they could not get in there. Howard said it sounds like this guy is doing this with other women. Howard said that she has to pick up the phone. She did and said she was just trying to get ready.
Janet said that the manager was yelling at the guy to come out. She said that the woman was a big girl and she was yelling at him to come out. Howard said it's the fun police. Janet said when he heard her on the other side his face went white. Howard said he admires her for monitoring this guy.
Janet said that she stayed back in the room and then there were like 15 security guards there. She said she was scared. Howard said they should have had that many there. She said they must have been making a lot of noise. Howard asked what happened next. Janet said that the manager came in asking if she was a guest. The guy said yes and the manager and security took him away from her and she had to go to guest services. She said it's basically cruise jail. Howard said this is some story.
Janet said she didn't want him to get fired so she didn't want to fill out a report they asked her to fill out. She said that she denied that he did anything. She said that she wanted to walk out but they were trying to make sure he wasn't raping her. Howard said that's good in a way.
Howard asked what the outcome was. Janet said she went up to see if he was in class the next day. She said she wanted to see if he got fired. She said he was working so he didn't get fired. She said she ran into him later and the last stop of the cruise they both spent the day together. Howard asked how long he was inside of her before the knock on the door. Janet said it was like a 10 minute situation. She said they were doing everything else. Howard asked if she was blowing him at all. She said no for her but he went down on her. She said that she was with him for maybe 4-5 minutes before the knock. Howard said he would have cum and been asleep by then.
Janet said the last night she was there this guy texted her saying he was fired and he had to stay in his room so he would not come in contact with her again. Howard said really? He said that's going to happen when you meet someone. Robin said he wasn't shirking his duties. Howard said he's had a ton of massages and no one has ever tried to fuck him.
Janet said they are not suppose to have sex or drink with guests. She said that he broke two rules so he was fired. Howard said he's not sure if this is a good or shitty story. Robin said it's a shitty story. Janet said she was apologizing for it. She said that he had 6 more months to go. Howard said she did nothing wrong.
Howard said he has the fitness trainer on the phone. He had one of the guys in the back making it sound like he was having sex with another woman.
Howard said that story wasn't so great. He said he only ejaculated 3 times during that story. Janet said he hated the job anyway. She said that Howard is the best. Howard let Janet go after that. He said that she should be more discerning. He said she barely knew that guy. Robin said she wasn't looking for a husband. Howard said he likes women who looked for a guy with a good personality instead of banging indiscriminately.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was losing it when Fred was playing the Ronnie clips. He said Fred has got to be the best at this. Howard said he taught him everything he knows.
Howard said women are taking on the role that men used to have. He said it used to be guys banging their masseuse. He said now it's the women.
Howard asked what this guy is asking him. The caller said he's not sure how to communicate with a woman if he doesn't speak the language. Howard said he has no idea. He said he can barely get them there. He said he had to get super famous to get girls. He said he could just point at his penis. Howard said just point at it and say ''Sucky, sucky, penis.'' He said he has no idea how to pick up a girl in China.
Howard said he isn't Brad Crandall. He said he was a guy who he listened to who answered every question that a caller had. Howard said he would have an answer for this guy.
Howard said he got a note talking about the money China is spending on 5G networks over there. He said that he'd love that here. He said that they're way ahead of us. Robin said that the rest of the world is whipping right past us. Robin said we'll never get there if we are so divisive all the time. Robin said that China didn't figure out that one day the older people would out number the young people and they won't have enough to replace the jobs. Now they're encouraging people to have children.
Howard said that he has some clip from Sacha Baron Cohen but he's not sure what the guys are talking about. He asked where the clip is. He said forget it. Howard said he could do a whole show about that guy moving to China.
Howard took a call from Chad in St. Louis who said that he has some advice for his show. He said he's a long time fan. He said when they do a phony phone call he does a lot of exposition and he gives away the call and kind of ruins it. Howard said he's sorry. He said he'll work on it. He said that most people are assholes and they need an explanation for it. Howard said Chad has a podcast actually. He said he understands radio.
Howard said the China caller is back again. Howard asked what he wants. He asked why he's moving to China. The caller said that he wanted to go to different places around the world and China was the first one to say yes. Howard said he has no desire to do that. Robin said that one way to know what's going on in the world is to go out there. Howard said he'll stick to reading the paper. Robin said they don't tell you what the people are doing. She said that's only what the governments are doing. Howard said people are people everywhere. Robin said it's different in China and India. Howard said Robin ran right out of India. Robin said she did learn though.
Howard said he thinks that Jason had a family member who went to South Korea and disappeared. Jason said he went a couple of times and came back and then they never heard from him again. Jason said no one wants to go over there to look for him. He said that was South Korea. He said it seems dangerous over there. Robin said thank god there are adventurous people out there. Howard said he'd be scared of China.
The caller said that's where it all panned out. Howard said it was nice knowing him. He said if you ever return let them know. The caller said he will.
Robin said she's all for traveling and visiting but not staying. Howard said that guy is going to go live there. He said he thought they were starving over there. Robin said in some places they're thriving.
Howard said his daughter was over teaching English for a couple of years. He said he was scared the whole time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his son just got back from China in a teaching assignment. He said it didn't go well. He said they didn't honor their contract and their internet sucked too. He said they video chatted and it was a horror show. He said his son had to leave early because it was going so horribly. He said his son hated everything about it.
Howard said Benjy and Shuli went to the memorial and they were in the overflow room. Howard said Benjy probably showed up late. He said he didn't get to sit in the room. Gary said Shuli was there and he said there was a woman yelling at the people who were running it saying she wasn't going to sit in the overflow because she had known the family for 15 years. Gary said there were over 400 people there. He said Harvey Firestein was there as well as old radio guys.
Howard said Benjy barely knew Ralph Howard and he was crying. Gary said that Benjy is a hard crier and his shoulders were going up and down.
Benjy came in and said the memorial was sad. He said that he was crying hard. He said that his wife was telling stories and it was sad. He said his son was comparing his dad to the giving tree and stuff. He said he was watching it on a TV screen. He said he showed up at 3 and it started at 3. Robin said everyone else got here before it started. Howard said he's glad he didn't' get in the main room. He said he's always late.
Howard asked what his fondest memory of Ralph Howard was. Benjy said he told him about this restaurant and he mentioned Ralph's name and they let him in even though they were closed. He said they were so excited that Ralph sent him that they fed him. Howard said Benjy is always late. He said he's a mystery to him.
Benjy said they played some clips from the show since Ralph enjoyed working here so much. Howard asked who else was there. Benjy said Jim was there, Steve Langford and Lisa G. He said Mike Morales was there too. Howard said he saw a picture of him there. Benjy said they had great food there too. He said he didn't go for the food but it was really good. He said he's mostly vegan now. He said they had some fruit there.
Howard said when Benjy walked in a condom fell out of his pocket. He asked if he's getting laid that much. Benjy said no but he always has one in his pocket. Howard asked when he last got laid. Benjy said it was a couple of months ago. He said that he is taking a break but it's involuntary. He said he did stop for about 2 1/2 weeks jerking off. He said he stopped porn too. He said there are things on the internet saying you get super powers if you stop doing that. He said you do get a lot of energy from it. Howard said interesting and thanked him for coming in. Benjy asked if he would stop. Howard said that he isn't going to stop jerking off. Howard played him out with a song parody.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been going to China back and forth and he has a steady girlfriend there. He said that she speaks English now. Howard said there you go. He said it is possible. Howard let that guy go. Robin said there aren't enough Chinese men to go around so it should be a good ratio.
Howard said he thought it was interesting that JD and Ronnie didn't go to the service for Ralph. JD said he never said he was a good friend of his. Howard said he just had to get that news out.
Howard asked what Shuli was doing when Benjy was crying. Robin asked if he was sitting next to him. Howard said he was. He was the one who told him about his shoulders going up and down. Howard said he was soaked in Benjy's tears. Howard asked if Shuli is there. Robin said she saw him there.
Shuli came in and Howard asked if he was shocked seeing him crying that hard. Shuli said he was shocked he even showed up. Howard said Shuli was close to him because he worked right beside him. Shuli said out of the corner of his eye he saw his shoulders moving. He wasn't sure if he was crying or laughing. He said he handed him a tissue at one point. He said he was crying too but Benjy was either break dancing or crying. Howard said he thinks that his history with Ralph is that he suggested a restaurant for him once.
Shuli said he waved Benjy down when he came in. He said he was looking around like he didn't know what to do. He said he showed up 15 minutes early and it was packed. He said Ralph was a great guy. He said that he would hand you something from the paper that made him think of you. Howard said he should try that but it sounds like it takes up a lot of time. Shuli said Ralph would hand him something about comedians or baldness or something that he found in the paper. He said he would let you know what made him think of you.
Howard asked what Benjy was wearing there. Shuli said he looked good. He said his eyes were beaming blue. He said his skin wasn't in such great shape though. Shuli said he asked Benjy if he wanted to get something to eat and he didn't go with him. He said he heard he got stuck in the bathroom in the church. He said he locked the door and wasn't able to get out so he almost had to break it down. Howard said he doesn't believe that at all. He did his Benjy voice yelling for help.
Benjy came back in and told his bathroom door story. He said it was warped and it stuck shut. He said he's going back there today to let them know that an old person would get stuck in there. Howard was still doing his Benjy voice yelling for help. He said he was drinking his own urine and eating his own feces. Benjy said that he didn't want to break it down. He said he finally pushed it through. Howard kept yelling for help.
Shuli said his crying was really violent but silent. Benjy said you think about your own life and family when you're doing that. Howard kept yelling for help in his Benjy voice. Fred was doing it too. Benjy said he finally pushed on the door and it opened. He said it kept cracking. He said he was finally able to get it to open.
Shuli asked if Howard has ever been caught in a bathroom. Howard said he can't remember ever being stuck.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said Shuli wrote a novel about Ralph Howard. He said he posted it online. Shuli said he did. He said he did it after it was announced on the show. He said he worked with the guy for 8-9 years. King said he wrote it like he was writing it to him. Shuli said he wrote it like he was thinking of him. He said he's not an idiot. King said that he said he was talking to him. Shuli said it's called emotion. He said he might want to look into it.
Howard said King of All Blacks posted pictures of himself showering and he has huge tits. Gary said they're farm animal tits. Howard asked what's going on with that. King said he has to get an operation. He said there's a name for it. It was something Benjy knew. He said the name of it and King said that's it.
Howard asked why he would show his tits. King said he's retired and just having fun. Shuli said that it's funny that soaking up his man tits is fine but writing about Ralph Howard is wrong. Gary said to put that up is insane after he makes fun of people. Benjy said he should do more of those videos. He said it's really funny. He said the only thing that was wrong with it was that he had shorts on. Howard told King to do the opposite of what Benjy likes. He said he has to get out of this. He let Benjy and Shuli go after that. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard said he has the tape to play. He said now Donald is calling her wacky and saying that she will never make it. He read what Trump said about her and how everyone hated her there. Howard asked why he hired her if that's the case. Howard said she just said she liked him.
Howard read more of what Trump said and wondered why he'd admit to that stuff. Howard said that Gary told him that Trump claimed he knew nothing about her being fired. Gary said she said that they told her that she was fired and Trump acted like he was mad about it but he didn't try to keep her there. Howard said that would be like him firing Gary and then acting surprised when he calls him. Howard said he has to hear this.
Howard played the clip of Trump talking to Omarosa asking what happened. He told her that he doesn't love her leaving at all. Howard said Trump told her that in the tape and told her that she works for him and not the president. Howard had some of the audio of Omarosa talking to General Kelly. Howard said that's pretty good tape. He said she's like Omarosa the engineer. He said she's another whacko running around being his friend and then betraying him. Howard said the tapes don't lie though. Howard said Gary told him she had a whole mixing board under her dress.
Howard said that was an interesting meeting. Chris was going on and on in the tape. Howard said wrap it up already. He said that he's going on and on. He kept playing the clip though. Howard said that he likes that he pauses when he's embarrassed about a word. He said just give hand jobs a chance. He said he's like the Martin Luther King of hand jobs.
Howard said he's all for the legalization of hand jobs but he's not going to city hall to fight for that. He said that it might make you a pariah in the community. Howard played more of Chris' speech and he just on and on.
Howard said he has other wacky clips. He said two comedians went to a city council meeting and they posed as surfer brothers. He said they testified against the city cracking down on house parties. Howard played the clip and one of the guys called himself Chad Kroeger which is the name of the lead singer of Nickelback. Howard said that's funny. The guys were talking about house parties and the crackdown on them in the city. They cut him off and then his buddy got up to defend house parties in the Hollywood hills. He was talking about the party crackdown and went on for a couple of minutes. The city council let him speak for a short time before cutting him off and welcoming them to Bill and Ted's excellent adventure.
Howard said that they have to do more bits like that. He said Benjy once did one. He said he went to the port authority about toll hikes. He said that he did the speech from Footloose. Howard played some audio of Benjy doing his thing. He got up and read the speech from Footloose. Howard said this is proof that no one listens to what's going on because it had nothing to do with toll hikes. Howard said they don't even shut Benjy down. He said the city council voted to let Benjy dance. He said he could use some dancing.
Howard said he didn't even know he was a Footloose fan. He played more of his speech and Benjy went on for a few minutes with that ridiculous speech. No one was catching on. Howard said they figured they'd catch on but they never did. He played more of the speech and someone said ''amen'' at the end. Howard said he got all the way through it and didn't make a difference. He said that's awesome.
Robin said that was a little fun with city council meetings. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said Robin is in tune singing along. It was Fred playing clips of her singing. Howard sang along a little bit too before he did a live commercial read.
Howard said it's time for some news. They played Robin into it with a song parody by David Hasselhoff. They had him sing ''Hooked on Ophelia.'' Howard said that was a whole love story between Robin and David. Robin said it was wonderful that he came in for her birthday last week. Howard said that was very sweet of him to come in last week. He said he's sure people have seen it on the app. Howard said they had that last week and then the song today for Robin. Robin said she wasn't able to get it out of her head that he gets on a cruise and goes with his fans for a week. Howard said he would love to see what happens on that cruise.
Robin started her news with a story about a guy who saw a woman leap into the waters of the East River and he was so shocked that he ran to help her out. She said he didn't think about how he can't swim. Howard said that's crazy. Robin said he wasn't able to catch her and he got in trouble. Robin said both of them had to be rescued but they both got out alive. Robin said they don't know the reason for the woman jumping in. Gary said she didn't want to be saved so she went under the boardwalk and they had to drag her out. She didn't want to come out. Howard said that's the power of a hot chick.
Howard said there were pictures of that Emily Ratajkowski in the paper today. He said she did noting but that Robin Thicke video but she's hot. He said she was on some yacht in a bikini looking hot. He said he sees her in the Daily Mail every day in a bikini. Howard said people ask if they're sick of her yet and he has to say no. He said he would jump in to save her if she jumped in the water. He said just look at her in the NY Post on page 13 today. He said she knows how to pose. Howard asked how you get a body like that. Robin said that's all genetics. Howard told Robin to look at it. Robin said she saw it already. Howard said he saw the Daily News is in trouble. He said they should put Emily in the paper. He said that people say she has no talent but she does. He said she looks good. He said he has to defend her every day.
Robin read a story about Chris Hardwick who was on Talking Dead. Robin said that there were some accusations made about him from an ex-girlfriend. Robin said they did an investigation and they have given Chris his job back on Talking Dead. Robin said then he debuted last night. Robin said before that he showed up on America's Got Talent. Howard asked if she's kidding. Robin said don't go on the Simon Cowell show to redeem yourself with women. Robin said this isn't Dr. Phil. She said that's not the right place to show up. Howard said he doesn't watch America's Got Talent. He said he can't handle it. Robin had some audio of Chris on America's Got Talent. Robin said he used the golden ticket buzzer to advance some female rapper. Robin had Howard play the clip. They goofed on Simon Cowell for banging his friend's wife and knocking her up.
Robin said there were a bunch of staffers who walked out on Talking Dead when he was rehired. Robin said that Chris said he would have one on one meetings with anyone who had concerns. Howard said 25 staffers and the Executive Producer walked off the show. Gary said they walked off because they never spoke to the woman who made the claims. Howard said the lead investigator was Neegan. He said that's a little known fact. Howard said he was shocked that they had 25 behind the scenes people on that show. He said that's on Talking Dead, that piece of shit show. He said that show ruins The Walking Dead. He said they kill someone off on the show and they have the guy there on the show. He said that ruins the show for him. He said that they're fucking assholes. He said Glenn got his head crushed on the show and 2 minutes later he's on the show talking about it with Chris Hardwick.
Robin had some audio of Chris Hardwick making a statement on Talking Dead. Chris was in tears as he was making his statement. Chris went on and on about what a big part of his life that show has been. Howard said they should call it the Crying Dead. He said just talk about The Walking Dead. Robin said that this was for Fear the Walking Dead. She said she likes that show. Howard said he doesn't like that one. He likes The Walking Dead. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said Ralph asked him to go to the movies with him today. He said he had to urn him down. He said he knows he doesn't go to movies. He mentioned that they have the phony phone a thon coming up on Labor day. He said on Sternthology next week they have Jim Breuer hosting. He said they have some good stuff coming up. He said if you don't like it, who cares.
Robin mentioned that Gary's wife Mary said they should foster a child from the border that was separated from their parents. Robin said someone said there are people in the foster care system who need homes so start looking there instead. Robin said there are children in need. Howard said Gary's lucky he has two people like them to tell him what to do. Howard said it would be great if Gary adopted a kid and they deported Gary instead.
Robin read about how a cat sanctuary on a Greek island needs someone to look after the cats. Robin said this woman who runs the sanctuary needs someone to take care of her 55 cats. Robin said they need someone who can trap feral cats. Robin said they have had a lot of people apply for the job. Robin said the job is still available as of last week. She said it might be a good one for Benjy.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were doing a Gary's adopted son Diego voice talking about how many shrimp were in his house and things like that.
Robin read a story about a woman who was swept away by the ocean while walking on the beach. Robin said they are sending out divers to look for the woman today. She said that she was just walking along and she got pulled under water and never resurfaced. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a whale who had been carrying her dead calf around for 17 days and thousands of miles. Robin said they say that she is back with the rest of her pod. Robin said that carrying a dead baby around is normal for these whales.
Robin read a story about how 17 percent of people don't live with their biological father. Robin said there are people finding out about that thanks to DNA tests.
Howard took a call from Balls who asked if he has ever been on a blind date that didn't go well. Howard said he has never had anyone look at him and think about setting him up with anyone. He said never, no one. Balls asked for an example of a bad date. Howard said he hasn't really had any. He said he's with a woman so it's good. Robin said there was that woman who called a guy the N-word. Howard said he had some women who talked to him in College who hated him. He said the first woman he had sex with didn't want to have sex because he'd be in his head forever.
Balls asked how he stayed so strong. Howard said he turned off all emotion and moved forward. He said his dad helped him do that by yelling at him when he was a kid. He said that's how he got through life. He said he had a girlfriend who wanted to have sex with his friend instead of him.
Howard said no one ever thought of him to set him up on a blind date. Not one person. He said imagine that. He said no one's sister or anything like that. He said that's pretty sad. He said no one thought he'd be great for anyone. He asked how that can be. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about 395 people got sick from eating a McDonald's salad. Robin said they confirmed the salad was contaminated with a parasite called cyclospora. Howard said that's disgusting. Gary said that Jason proclaimed that he has never eaten a McDonald's salad. Howard said JD eats there. JD said he hasn't gone to McDonald's in years. He said he had to shit bad after eating there. He said this one was bad. Howard said JD will take a cab home to shit instead of going at work. JD said he goes to Five Guys and Chipotle but not McDonald's.
Robin read a story about Aretha Franklin being gravely ill. Robin said she's surrounded by her friends and family. Howard said that she said hello to him when he was out and he loves that woman. Robin said that she turned 76 in March. Howard said she was gravely ill like 10 years ago. Robin said she was and she was performing until last November. Robin said she pulled some of her greatest songs to play. She had Howard play ''I Never Loved a Man.'' Howard said she was the best. Robin said she's still here. Howard said he'd like to get on it before JD and Ronnie tweet about it. Robin had Howard play some of Aretha's other songs.
Robin read a story about the Oscars adding a category. Robin said they are losing audience because the movies they nominate are not the movies people see. She said they've added the most popular movie category. Robin said they aren't changing the rest of the show so it's not going to bring anyone else to watch it.
Robin read a story about a rumor about Idris Elba possibly playing James Bond. Howard said he'd love to see that. Howard said he'd love to be James Bond. Robin said Idris tweeted out ''My name is Elba. Idris Elba.'' Howard said he thinks that he should be James Bond and a woman should be a white woman in black face playing Money Penny. Howard said Pussy Galore should be black too.
Robin read a story about Tiger Woods being back in the hunt in golf. Howard said he must be getting pussy again. He said when they stopped him from that he lost all his powers. He said he must be getting it again so he's back in the driver's seat.
Robin read a story about Twitter coming under fire for not getting rid of Alex Jones. Robin said they said that he has not violated their rules so there is no reason to get rid of him. Robin read a story about how Vimeo has pulled Alex Jones' Info Wars. Robin said that Facebook, Spotify and Apple all pulled him too.
Robin read a story about a guy who hijacked a plane in Seattle and took off. Robin said he ended up crashing and dying. Robin said he landed on an island so he didn't kill anyone. Howard said it's hard to regulate all of that. He said it's kind of scary. Robin said it's very scary. She said it shows security is not all that great. Howard said years ago people weren't that nutty. He said it's a different generation.
Robin read a story about a museum of lynching that Oprah told people about. Robin said that they used to tell people about the lynchings in the paper and people would show up to watch with picnic baskets. Robin said the museum is down south. Howard said he'll visit that on his next vacation. Robin said she didn't know they did this to that extent. Howard said it wasn't that long ago that they stopped doing it. Robin said they talked about this on 60 Minutes last night. Howard said he'll have to check that out.
Robin read a story about a white nationalist rally that went to Washington DC. Robin said there were only 30 people in the march and they showed up to thousands of protestors.
Robin read a story about actress Sean Young denying that she stole two laptops from a movie set over the weekend. Robin said she was fired from the movie and they say that she took two laptops that didn't belong to her. She said she's claiming she mistakenly took them. Robin said that it's just another story about Sean Young. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started the show talking about how he wishes everyone in the world listened to this show. He said he's insulted that they don't. He said it's upsetting to him because it's a good show. He said the other day he was speaking with someone about something that he won't get into because it's boring but they guy said he found someone who doesn't know who he is. He said the guy asked who that is. Howard said he was really upset about that. He said he didn't like that one bit. He said it was relevant to the story. He said it shouldn't bother him but it did.
Howard said he'll tell Robin off the air why it matters. He said that this was good that the guy didn't know who he is.
Howard said he's not sure what's up with this song. It was ''The Great American Nightmare.'' He said this is more like a movie than a song. He said there's so much going on in the song. He said it's a masterpiece. He said he loves that guy Rob Zombie. He said he hasn't spoken to him in a while. He said it's been years. He said he moved out to California after living in Connecticut. He said he likes his wife too. He said her name is Sheri. He said Rob is a great guy. H said he has pets and he names them Dracula and Frankenstein. He said they're little dogs. He said he looks like a serial killer but they're little pugs. He said that guy is his hero. He said he looks like he eats pets but he's the nicest, sweetest guy.
Howard said when Dracula the dog died Rob was in tears. He said he was surprised that he has emotions. He said the guy loves Dracula. Robin asked if he named them all Dracula. Howard said he named one Godzilla. He said it's sweet. He said he likes that guy. He said he thinks he's good looking too. He said if he were a woman he'd be with Rob Zombie. He said he thinks he has that look he likes. He said he might have to go to that look.
Howard said maybe Rob isn't that good looking but his hair and style makes him good looking. He said Willie Nelson looks good with the long hair and beard. He said that he is thinking of going to that look. He said Letterman you can't tell either. He said he looks really deep.
Howard said Rob is a good guy. He said he can say that because he spent time with him in the studio when they recoded that song together. He said he knows Rob hated his performance because he cut him out of most of it.
Howard said they're going to bring the panel in today to go through the computer. He said he has a bunch of guys coming in including Memet. He said that guy is a weirdo. He said he gets reports on Memet and he hates this news anchor named David Muir. He said Memet takes tons of selfies and this guy David Muir posts selfies all the time. He said Memet is such a weirdo that he complains about the guy doing it. He said this guy is super good looking. He said he has big muscles and he looks like a model. He said they realized Memet is just jealous of this guy. Howard said Memet will present some material from the computer today. He said he'll ask him about this guy. He said maybe he can talk about that now.
Howard asked Memet if he wants to talk about David Muir. Memet came in and had a new haircut. Memet said he went too short. Howard said David Muir is going to get all of the girls in a bar if he's there with Memet. Memet said that guy is a professional news man. Memet said he also doesn't do sexy selfies. Howard said he gets reports on him and it's endless selfies. Memet said he puts out the same amount as the rest of the guys. Howard asked how many a day he's doing. Memet said it's like one a month. Howard said that's not the report he's getting.
Howard said he posted a picture of himself biking on Instagram. Memet said he was out biking. Howard asked if he's one of those guys who bikes without a shirt. Memet said he was out by himself on a 90 degree day. Howard said just put a shirt on.
Memet said that David Muir is posting pictures to show how sexy he is. He said he doesn't do that with his selfies. He said he won't put up a sexy picture of himself. Gary asked if he has ever posted a picture of himself holding a dog because women like it. Memet said he did that as a joke. He said that wasn't him being serious at all. Howard said Memet is jealous of David Muir. He said he just saw pictures of the guy and he's a good looking dude. He said he's 50 times better looking than Memet. Memet said that's fine but that's not the guy you want to hear the news from. Howard said he's obsessed with the guy. Memet said he's not.
Howard said he bets that he'd blow the guy. Memet said the obsession is the guys in the office who are obsessed with his postings. Howard got the picture of Memet shirtless with a dog. Memet said that was the most liked selfie of all time for him. Howard asked the guys to post these. Gary asked how many he takes and discards. Memet said a couple. He said he wants to look decent. He said he's doing it for his fans. Howard let him go after that. Memet told the guys to stay off of his social media. Howard said he was on DoucheBag.com when he saw them.
Howard said Memet is obsessed with that David Muir. He wondered what that guy's story is. He said he's busy making muscles in his pictures. Howard played a song parody about Memet.
Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult just quit the show yesterday. He said that he has an Angry Alice update too. He said that Wendy just quit. He had a voicemail message where Wendy said that she's quitting because no one cares about her. She said they treat her like shit when she asks for help. She said she ''can't take no more.''
Howard said he loves that she says she's going to go out on her own instead of waiting for them. Wendy said she doesn't care anymore. She said she hates her life and hates everything.
Howard said this is her 200th retirement from the show. Robin said this isn't going to stick. Howard said they called her and asked for her to comment and she said yes she would. Howard said she unfriended the entire staff on Facebook. Shuli said that's the only way to connect with her sometimes. He said it comes down to money as always. Shuli said she's always asking for money. Howard said she isn't picking up her phone right now. They had a ''breaking news'' clip about her quitting the show. Howard said he hopes it's an idle threat.
Howard said that Angry Alice is another one. He said he used to call her crazy Alice but now she's Angry Alice. Howard said Shuli asked her what's going on. He said her phone was making noises in this clip. He played that and Alice was saying she was trying to hang in there. Shuli asked if he caught her at an okay time. Her phone was making noise so she said she had to try something. It was having feedback problems. Howard said even her phone is angry.
Howard said he loves Alice. Shuli said she's one you can't ask how it's going or she'll get into it.
Howard said that she's been feuding with her downstairs neighbor for 4 years. Howard played a clip of Alice talking about this neighbor and what he does to her. She was yelling about that guy and how she's had to deal with him for 4 years. She said she started hitting her floor and he has stopped throwing things around. She said she thinks he's on drugs. She said she's a female Babe Ruth and she'll bust his head open. Howard said most people mellow when they get older but she doesn't do that. He said she has to have floors that look like Swiss Cheese.
Howard said Alice is also feuding with Jeff the Drunk because he called her a bitch once. He played another clip of Shuli talking to her about Jeff. Alice said that she would tear his face off if she was in front of her. Howard said what woman is that angry. He said she has two hands so she could knock Jeff out.
Howard said how about Wack Pack Hunger Games. He said they could put them in the woods. He said they have the new video out so they could let them fight to the death. He asked how many views they would get. Howard said Wendy would get to eat the loser. He said that's how they end it.
Howard said Alice likes Tan Mom and she wonders why anyone would want darker skin. He played a clip of Alice talking about that. Alice asked why anyone would want to mess with their skin color. Howard said she should bleach her skin. Shuli said she's very light skinned. Robin asked if he has asked about that. Shuli said he's just trying to get out unscathed.
Howard asked if Alice has any kids. Shuli said she has one kid who is special needs. He said that she loves that kid. Howard said nothing has been easy in her life. Shuli said she's just filled with rage. He said that when she walks out the door everyone is just fucking with her. He said she goes outside and starts yelling about the Mexicans. He said she hates the black people in her neighborhood too. Howard said she got ripped off by black people in her neighborhood. He said he's been trying to do an embedded with her but she says she doesn't look right yet. He said it's been about 2 years now.
Howard asked how Alice is doing. Shuli said she's doing okay. He said that she's miserable but she's okay.
Howard said he's had it and he's going to move to South Korea and he's going to disappear. He thanked the caller for the call and said he's pretty sure he's done at the end of this contract.
Howard said last night he had a dream about Oprah. He said he had a sex dream for the first time ever the other night. He said this sex dream was something he's never had before. He said never in his life. Robin said that's odd. Howard said he realizes why. He said his mother wouldn't let it go if he had a wet dream. He did his mother's voice and talked about cleaning his sheets and stuff like that.
Howard said he would have brown in his underpants and his mother would complain about the ''grit'' she had to clean out. He said that she'd go to the bathroom and soak his underpants in the sink all day. He said she could have done it downstairs. He said that's why he buried his underpants in the yard. He said that he had to scratch his ass with his finger and that would get shit in his underpants. He said his mom would have to stand there all day washing them in the sink. Then his friends would come over and see them in the sink. He said he would bury his underpants in the back yard. He said he wants to go there and dig them up when he went to his old house with 60 Minutes.
Howard said he thinks he can control his shitting now and he thinks that he was able to control his dreams because of his mother. He said he never had sex dreams before now. He said his mother would have confronted him instead of just letting him be a boy. He said she inspected him constantly. He said she would pull his pants down and take his temperature anally. Howard said his mother thought it was much more accurate to take it anally. He said that she wanted it to be right on. He said he had the thermometer with a big thing of Vaseline on it. He said it was such an invasion. He said he was almost a man when she was doing that.
Howard said his mother would be taking his temperature if he felt hot at all. He said that she'd make him open up his bung hole to check it. He said it might be humiliating to inspect his asshole. He said it was so itchy that they thought he had pinworms. He said he had to shit in a box and she had to bring his shit to the lab. He said he remembers the commotion from that. He said he did have worms and you could see them in his shit. He said they give you medication to get rid of them. He said that helped his underwear situation. He said he was constantly poking his finger in his ass. He said he had a whole ecosystem living in there.
Howard said in Asia they're constantly being dewormed. He said they have worms in the fish and all of that. He said he lives in the United States and he's never visiting any other countries. He said fuck you other countries. He said he'd fight for this country if he wasn't such a pussy. He said he likes our troops.
Howard did more of his mother's voice talking about taking his temperature anally. Robin said they don't do that now. Howard said his mother is in her 90s so she doesn't care about that now. He said she cries all day now. He said he's laughing about that. He said she's alright now. He said he's taking good care of her. He said he loves her. He said she cared enough about him to take his temperature. Robin said everyone loves their mother even the worst of the worst.
Howard said he had this sex dream and it was a buddy's wife. He said that he's not even into her that much. He said that he was fucking her upside down. He said she was basically on her head and he's fucking her downward. Shuli said it's like a jackhammer. Howard said he thinks he would have cum if he hadn't woken up.
Howard said last night he had a dream about Oprah. He said it was fucking weird. He said they were in Vegas together. He said he's not sure where that came from.
Howard said Robin is busy taking classes lately. Robin said she's doing that so she doesn't have to fly around the world. Howard said he's glad she's doing that but she's still flying to California. Howard said he had to talk to his wife about that. He said Robin was trying to get home and she had to transfer planes and stuff. He said this woman has cancer so she better be learning something important. Robin said they had a great conversation. Howard said they did. He said whatever it is she's learning is working. He said she used to be completely nuts but not anymore. He said she's kind of normal now.
Howard said he got to be crazier than Robin somehow. He said he lapped her. He said she used to be so fucked up but no with these classes she's a different person. Robin said her phone started to fuck up and Howard said he's starting to miss all of her enlightenment. Howard said she's Robin the enlightened. Shuli said he'd pay to hear that wisdom.
Howard said he had this sex dream about Oprah too. He said he has tested Robin to see if Gloomy Robin will appear but it never does. He said she is genuinely enlightened. Howard said she almost died with cancer so maybe that's what happened. Howard said she's not even angry. He said she has reason to be with her father fucking with her. Shuli said he loves that Howard stockpiles all of that anger even if the people don't have it. Robin said she's happy she had such horrible parents because she was able to make her own decisions. She said she made it her own.
Howard said Robin is out flying around and he's a big believer in sleep. He said she's not sleeping enough. He said he went to bed at 6 last night. He said he had this dream about Oprah.
Howard said this dream is really odd. He said he has no idea what this means. He said he's in Vegas with his wife and Oprah is there. He said he and Oprah are walking hand in hand. He said Beth is behind them. He said Beth was cool with it but jealous. He said he and Oprah are walking around and they're amongst the casinos. He said they go into a bar and he loses Oprah in a bar. He said then he finds her eating and drinking at the bar. He said he goes over and gets something to eat but Oprah is talking and talking. He said he asked Oprah about the shit he's been saying about her all these years. He said he stops himself and he can tell she doesn't want to talk about it. He said he's hungry and getting pissed that he can't eat. He said he wants to take a nap too. He said his whole schedule is thrown off. He said he and Oprah are yapping away and he likes her. He said he thinks about how she's on 60 Minutes and she has her TV channel and all of those houses. He said he asked how she has the energy for that. She says she doesn't want to talk work with him. He said she just said that they can talk about their lives. He said that was it. He said that was the whole dream. He asked what Robin makes of that.
Robin said he has to think about what Las Vegas means to him. Howard said he doesn't want to do that on the air. Robin said it sounded like this was about Howard and work and how he decides what to do next. Robin said it sounds like he wants to know if she enjoys all of this work and if he can get the wisdom of Oprah. Howard said he must be looking for wisdom. Robin said that it took him away from Beth so it's about the work. Howard said look at Robin. He said she should be a teacher. He said he has to pray to Robin now. He thanked her for showering him with her wisdom.
Howard said he has Sigmund Freud on the phone. He took the call and Freud who told him what his dream meant. Howard said that was horrible and he's going to fire whoever that was.
Howard said he was kind of annoyed by hanging out with Oprah. Gary said that Benjy has a dream interpretation. He said that he did say something about talking about the ''white elephant'' in the room. Howard said that's very interesting. Howard said he feels like a white elephant. He said he has put on a good 10 pounds more than he should be. He said Benjy is a white elephant too. He said it's just ''the elephant in the room'' not the ''white elephant.'' Gary said that this is a possession that the owner can not dispose of. Howard said that he's sure that means something. Robin said it means something in his dream. Howard said he doesn't like dreams.
Howard said he felt bad leaving Beth in the dream. He said he wondered why Beth wasn't with him and Oprah. Howard said he knows Beth would have loved to be with Oprah. He said she loves Oprah. He said she even had Oprah Magazine when it was around. Robin said it's still around. Robin said she thinks she saw some issue out in a store.
Howard said he was fucking his friend's wife in that other dream. He said it was fun in the dream. He said it was like he was a jackhammer. He said there you go. He asked Fred how many live commercials he has today. Fred said he has the usual amount. Howard said maybe they want to read their own commercial. Robin said they always go back to Howard. Howard said he used to go the sponsors and tell them he has no credibility but they still want him to do it.
Howard said he will get the guys in there next. They ended up talking about Howard's fight with the FCC over the guy playing piano with his penis. Howard said that you don't even know that someone is really doing it. He asked what that's going to do if they do it on radio. He said no one is seeing it. He said if Trump made Omarosa a trusted cabinet member he's sure that he could have made him the head of the FCC. He said if he wasn't voting for Hillary then Trump may have put him in there somewhere. He said that he thinks he could have had a high level cabinet position. Robin asked if he would have lasted. Howard said no. He said he wouldn't have taped him without him knowing. He said he would trust him. He said Robin would have been surgeon general.
Howard said Trump once said he would make him the head of the Jews. He said there is no cabinet position for that but he would have made one for him.
Howard said Omarosa is confusing him. He said she sometimes looks hot but then the other day she looked heavy. He said she's tough to figure out. He said she has all of these crazy names. He said she has a black name, an Italian name and a Jewish name. He said he loves that she was busy taping Trump. He said he never would have done that to him. He said he never calls him anymore to get his advice. He said he used to call for advice when he was campaigning.
Howard said it's so weird that trump hired Omarosa and now he's basically calling her a cunt. Howard was talking about her last name and saying it like Italians say Manicotti. Howard said that her first name couldn't be more African. He said even black people don't like her though. He said Trump had no idea about that.
Howard said Omarosa was busy taping that General dude. Robin said they weren't even saying anything though. Howard said her tapes sucked. He said Trump pretended he didn't know she was being fired. He said that was funny. He said he's the President. He said he didn't want to lose a friend. He had the general do it.
Howard said he can't figure out what's doing with Omarosa. He said she could use some classes. Robin said she could use a class or two. Howard said he should take a break. Fred said yes. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard asked Gary what he's got. Gary said Sal went to get a colonoscopy. He said Sal took his laxatives and taped himself shitting. Howard said he has heard a little bit of this but he can't listen for long.
Howard played a second of the tape and had to stop. Gary said Sal was late to the appointment. He said he went to sleep and he was farting a lot. Shuli was the one who recorded this so he talked to him about that. Shuli said that Sal claimed he couldn't stop shitting and there was construction near his house. He said the doctor was done and he was told to go in. Howard said this is Sal asleep from the anesthesia. He was farting in his sleep. Howard played the clip and Sal was snoring. Shuli said everything was going fine but he's farting a lot in his sleep. He played a clip of Sal farting. Howard said that was liquid.
Howard said when he went to his colonoscopy he had a tampon under his ass. He said liquid does come out. Howard said that's so gross. He said when you come out of the anesthesia the truth comes out. Gary said Sal had a lot to say about him. He said that he said that he trusts him the least on the staff. Sal trusts Richard the most. Sal was really out of it talking to Shuli as he was coming out of it.
Sal came in and said he doesn't remember any of that. He said he remembers seeing Shuli and the other doctor but not talking about that. He said he's standing by his answers though. Shuli said that this nurse walked in and woke him up in the middle of his sleep. He said he was trying to be quiet in there.
Howard played a clip of Shuli asking if Sal would save Howard or Richard if he had to save just one. Sal said don't get mad but he'd save Richard. Sal blasted out another fart. Sal said he'd save Richard because he thinks Howard would be miserable stuck with him. Howard said that's true. He said he gave Sal a job. Howard asked if he has met Richard's baby yet. Sal said not yet. He said it's 9 months old. Richard said not many have. He said Sal is welcome to come over at any time. Howard said he should invite him over to meet the kid. Howard said Richard has no social graces. He said you don't learn that growing up on the farm.
Shuli said that he's very nervous about bringing the kid anywhere. Richard said there's a hand, foot and mouth thing going around the city. Howard asked what that is. Richard said it's spread around by other kids. Howard said he's not taking any chances. Ronnie said he took his kid to a bar. Richard said they went to a barbecue place that had a bar. The guys told him that's a bar.
Howard asked Richard why he's not afraid of his wife taking the kid out jogging. Richard said he's not touching other kids out there. Howard said he sees some moms out there crying and the moms ignore it. Richard said they take him home or feed him with a bottle if he starts crying.
Howard asked if they have had a babysitter yet. Richard said they haven't and they never will. He said only his wife's mom will watch him. He said they have only put their son in the car when the came home from the hospital. Howard said who knew Richard would bring a kid up like that.
Howard said he learned something very disturbing about Richard. He said that he has a part of his body that's rotting and he has to have surgery. Howard said he doesn't know what part of him it is so they're going to make a game out of it. Howard asked who wants to take a guess. He said that he's rotting away somewhere and he has to have surgery. Howard said he has no idea what it is. He said it could be anything. He said he thinks it might be his foot. Brent said it could be his toe. Shuli said it could be a tooth. Robin said it could be his coccyx.
Howard said Richard is an alcoholic. He said it could have something to do with that. Richard said he has gotten way better with his drinking. Howard asked if he is an alcoholic. Richard said no. He said that he has stopped drinking for only a full week in the past year. Howard said he has tape of Richard calling Will and saying gay stuff to him. He said that he's never done that himself.
Howard played the clip of Richard talking to Will in a voicemail and saying all kinds of things about him being a sexy bitch and stuff like that. Howard said he's flirting with him. Richard said he is a hot guy.
Howard said Richard called Will instead of a woman. He said Richard is gay. Richard said JD is hot but not Will hot. Howard played more of his voicemail where Richard was getting all creepy with Will. Howard asked if Richard can imagine him jerking Will off. He said maybe a boner fight. Richard said that would be funny. He said that makes him laugh. Howard asked if Sal is jealous. Sal said absolutely.
Howard said they took the drunken Richard tapes and called a guy selling a mower. Howard played the phony phone call where they had Richard selling a mower and talking to the guy all drunk. They had Richard pissing all over his shirt and those things he told Will about.
Howard said he loves that guy on the phone. Sal said he was so sweet. Howard played a song parody about Richard's drinking.
Howard said he has to take a break and then get to Richard's rotting body. He went to break after that.
Gary asked how many he was eating. Howard said he used to eat a full cucumber. He said that he was eating so many that he just over did it. He said he was eating so much fish that he had too much mercury in his system. He said they thought he had cancer. Howard said he had too many cucumbers too so he had too many seeds in his colon. He said he just goes overboard.
Richard asked if he ever sees seeds in his feces. Howard said he doesn't look for them. He said he was eating broccoli too. He said he threw out one of his meatballs too. He said that Robin told him they were carbohydrates so she ruined that for him. He said that's from all of her new wisdom.
Howard said he was down a pound and he looks fat as ever. He said he has a gut. He said he has a Manigault. He said he's trying to eat slowly. He said he wolfs it down usually. Robin said he shouldn't be watching TV while he eats. She said that he's not chewing his food. Howard said if he dies from cucumbers, so be it. He said he doesn't care. Richard said there's a fork that vibrates if you eat too fast. Howard said he will eat one noodle with a cucumber slice. He said he'll eat a quarter of the meatball with a cucumber. Brent said that sounds terrible. Ronnie said it sounds like fun.
Howard said he loves watching anything about Trump while he eats. He said he's addicted to it. He said he loves reading about Mueller and Trump tweeting and freaking out. He said if it's a report from the parade where the Nazis are he'll fast forward through that. He said he likes seeing Rudy fighting for Trump. He said it helps with his digestion. He said Trump tweeted this morning and he wished he was eating. Gary said he called Omarosa a dog. Brent said it's crazy what he's tweeting. Howard said it's weird that he's saying he loves her in the tape but now she's a dog.
Shuli asked if it's worse calling her a dog or ''manly looking'' like Gary did during the commercial break. Howard said that's pretty bad. Howard said Trump called her a ''crazy, lying low life dog.'' He said that guy is out of his mind. Robin said that's like Sacha Baron Cohen's show where they show great presidents and then Trump doing that impression of the handicapped guy. Howard said he loves Sacha Baron Cohen. He said his show is so good.
Howard said they have to get to Richard and what's rotting. Robin said it has to be like a nipple or something. Howard said Richard doesn't shower so this isn't surprising to him. He said that he goes for a run and doesn't shower. He said he's disgusting. Gary asked Richard if he comes home and just puts on fresh clothes. Richard said he does. Howard said he must smell in all of those areas. Richard said he used to get a rash. Richard said sometimes he just forgets. He used to use rash cream but Gary said he could just take a shower.
Howard said Richard likes the smell to build up. Shuli said if he's not taking care of himself then he shouldn't worry about other kids getting his kid sick. Howard asked if he showered today. Richard said he showered yesterday morning.
Howard asked Richard if he's concerned about his rotting body. Richard said he's scared. Howard said he's so disgusting. Robin said she thinks it's a nipple. Howard said Richard had Sal wipe down his sweaty back one day. Richard said he had to walk to work so he was sweaty. Howard said his wife showers like 4 times a day. Brent said he gets that. Richard was wearing a shirt for the second day in a row. Howard said he bets it's more like 5 days.
Howard asked if anyone has a guess. Brent said he thinks it's the gall bladder. Shuli went with a toe. Howard said he's going with a toe. Shuli said he thinks it could be a tooth. Robin said he said it was a doctor. Howard said he hopes it's not a tooth.
Howard said he has an envelope. He opened it up and it's Richard's jaw that's rotting. Richard said he had a root canal 12 years ago and something has been up with it. He said he just went for a checkup and there's a large part of his jaw that had an infection and it rotted. He said that they say he wast' in pain because of the root canal. He said it sounds like a process. He said it scares the shit out of him. He said he has one wisdom tooth they have to take out and then they have to take out the root canal tooth and dig out the rot. Then they have to let it heal for a month or so and then put in a post. He said then they put a cap on that. He said it scares the hell out of him.
Richard said he thinks this was out of his hands. Robin said this is a guy who doesn't brush his teeth every day. Richard said he does now. Robin said he didn't in the past. Howard told Richard not to come near him. Rob in asked if he kisses his baby with that mouth. Richard said he does.
Howard said Sal is such a freak. He said he really is. Sal said he forgot what fucking a woman is like. Gary asked if he has ever done that coffee table thing. Sal said no. He said he'd never want his wife to do that. Howard said that he's such a creepy guy. He said he loves shitting. Sal said he really doesn't.
Howard played more audio of Sal farting. He made a joke about that being everything Gary has ever said. Howard played a song parody about Sal after that.
Howard said Les Moonves must be the most powerful guy in show business. He said that's a guy you don't fuck with. He said Ronan Farrow wrote that article about him and the board of directors didn't even put him on suspension. Ronnie said the whole thing died already. Robin said that shows that CBS and the board of directors aren't friendly toward women. Howard said they were pointing out that he had said that Les was a snake but that was from 10 years ago. He said he was talking about his relationship with Les when he was suing him. He said he cried over that. He said that the article was pointing out that everyone is afraid to say anything about Les. Howard said they have to be fair and say that they don't know that the allegations are true. Robin said that Les admitted that he did things wrong. JD said he saw him go into his building and it was very weird. He said he looked like he had security around him and not a care in the world.
Howard said he's wondering what his wife is thinking about all of this. He made up a conversation Les and Julie could have about that whole thing. He had Les saying that he'd like to think that Julie is going to give up her shows if the board fires him. He had the two of them going back and forth about staying at CBS or not.
Howard said he doesn't know what's going on. He said it's none of his business. Robin said yes it is. Howard said it seems to be his business. Robin said he has a big corporation whose president has been smeared and not cleared and no one is saying that these women are lying. Howard went back into those voices and had Les and Julie talking about their situation. Robin asked how old their kid is. Howard had Les saying he has no idea. Then he said he's 9. Howard had Les saying maybe he should have married Connie Chung.
Robin asked if Les had asked Meredith Vierra to be the host of Big Brother before Julie got it. Howard, as Les, said he did tell her that. He had Julie saying he told her that wasn't true. Howard got out of character and got back to the guys.
Howard took a call from sexy Janet who said that he was right about letting her know about his listeners. She said that they believe that the story she told yesterday was fake. Howard said this is the girl who said she was fucked by the guy on the cruise. She said that they're so mean to her on Twitter. She said the Instagram people are nicer. Howard said his wife says that too.
Howard asked if they ever put her pictures up yesterday. JD said he doesn't know. Howard asked Janet what they were saying. Janet said they were saying that her boobs weren't D's. She said they are but she's not standing up so they don't look that big.
Shuli asked Ronnie if he believes her story. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Howard said she was on the cruise. Ronnie said he got that. He asked why he didn't just take her to his room. He said that no one would have said anything about it. He said no one would have knocked on the door. Howard asked if that's why he doesn't believe it. Janet said that the crew isn't supposed to be with a passenger so that's why. Howard said he believed her story.
Howard said people on social media are such assholes. Howard said he saw a picture of Baba Booey on social media the other day. He said he was out with Tom Bergeron. He said that Tom wanted to put it online and Gary told him that Howard's fans are really vicious. Howard said Tom gets the most lovely people so he didn't believe it. Gary said people are brutal and he told Tom that. Gary said that they both put it on their own social media. He said Tom hit him up 10 minutes later and said ''Boy, you know your audience.'' Gary said the fans were bashing him and calling him names. Howard said Tom was shook from it. He said social media has been good for Tom but not for Gary. Howard said Gary just learned that you can turn off comments on Instagram so he did that. Gary said he had to.
Howard read some of the comments on Gary's Instagram. They were all about his teeth. Howard went through one after another. They were endless jokes about his teeth.
Howard said Janet ended up getting bashed after telling her story yesterday. He said it wasn't the best story but it was okay. Gary said everyone came to him and said that Ronnie didn't believe the story. Shuli said that she is an attractive woman and she has no need to get laid so why put the pictures online. Howard said hot chicks like to be worshiped. He said she wants to be famous. Janet said she can answer that. Howard said that she wants to be like Kim Kardashian.
Janet said she's not doing any of that. She said she did that because she didn't give out any information the first time she called in. Ronnie said just go get laid and keep it to yourself then. Howard said they finally get a hot chick with a story and Ronnie is ruining it. Ronnie said this story wasn't hot. He said the first one was. Howard said shut up. Ronnie said the story wasn't hot. Gary and Brent said it was. Ronnie said if you can get off of that then you have a problem.
Howard said he was talking to Ronnie about that in the car. He said he asked about giving a hot chick like that a massage and then you hear a knock on the door, do you pull your dick out. Ronnie said no way. He said you just finish.
Howard said he has never had a masseuse do anything for him. Richard said he once had a guy stick his finger near his bung hole. He said it was a guy. Howard asked why he would get one from a man. Richard said they said that's all that was available. Ronnie said he went for a massage last year and they got there and it was supposed to be two girls. He said they were next to each other on the table. He said that they got in the room and they were covered in the towels and shit. He said then he hears the door open and he sees a guy and a chick. He said he wasn't getting a massage from a guy. He said she got it from the guy. Ronnie said he asked what happened to the other girl and they said that was the only one they had there. He said he was watching what the guy was doing over there. He said that ruined the whole fucking deal.
Gary said he got angry at a massage place because they said they don't tell you if they give you a man or a woman because they want to teach people that they can have either. Gary said he doesn't' want to learn going there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they're starting off every show bashing Trump. Howard said he didn't bash Trump. The caller said that they always bash him with innuendo. He said that they're always talking about Obama being great. Howard said he was a good president. The caller said he's not getting into that. He said that he has to stop talking about the blacks because they don't like him. He said that he's over doing it. He said that with this woman shit and the MeToo movement he's dumping everyone. Howard said he didn't dump anyone. The caller said Howard had to stop talking to someone last year. Howard asked what show he's listening to shit for brains. He told the guy to get his shit together.
The caller said if a man gets accused of something he's on the woman's side. Howard said he's on the side of the truth. He said he's on the side of finding out the truth. The caller said he's not though. The caller asked if he hears what he says. Howard said he believes that women should feel free to accuse people who have done something to them. The caller said he used to throw baloney at women's assholes. Howard said that was consensual. He said he's up for all kinds of stuff if it's consensual. The caller asked how you know if it was or not. Howard said you ask. He said if a woman said she wasn't comfortable with him inside of her and she asked him to get off of her then he'd pull out. The caller said he's full of it. The caller said he's over doing it. Howard said the caller is over doing it.
The caller said they get on Ronnie too and they're just jealous of his life. He asked if he listens to his own show. Howard said he odes. The caller said he's becoming delusional. Howard said he has his neighbor on the phone. He took the call from one of the guys in the back who was doing an impression of this guy.
Howard said he also brought up that Transgender thing. He said he says live and let live. The caller said he's not angry about it but Bruce Jenner is never going to be a woman. Howard said who cares, just let it be and don't be so angry.
Howard said he has to get off the phone with these two. The caller told Howard to stop being such a liberal asshole. Howard said this guy is probably against gay people too. The caller said not at all. He said he had an uncle who was gay and with his partner for 42 years. He said he isn't against the gays at all. The caller was also claiming that the Italians were slaves where in America. Howard said that's not true. He let the guy go a short time later. Howard said guaranteed that guy didn't serve in the military. He said he's a chicken hawk.
Howard said he has a black guy on the phone and he says blacks love him. He took the call from Black Bobo who said that guy was out of his mind. He said don't believe that at all. He said he's been a long time listener and they love him.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who screamed about that caller and about Les Moonves too. Howard hung upon her in the middle of her screaming.
Howard asked Brent and Ronnie what they have to play. Ronnie said he has some shit that pisses him off. Richard had some Comic-Con stuff. Memet said he has an important presentation too. He said he has clips to prove that people like Brent and Gary are ruining the country. Memet said that they'll drive Howard insane. Shuli had some High Pitch Erik stuff to play. Howard said he has to end the show on time so he can only get to one person on time. He said he has a meeting today. He said he has a high level executive meeting today. He said he's a very important player.
Ronnie said they saw Andy Cohen in the hall the other day and Howard just kept walking. Howard said he's not there to report on him. He said he's not supposed to reveal that. Ronnie said he just kept walking. Howard said he just wants to get out of there and he doesn't have to tell everyone that. Howard said he likes Andy. He said it makes it sound like he doesn't like the guy. Ronnie said he has stopped to talk to Andy before. Howard said he has stopped to talk to Andy many times. He said that's not something he wanted on the air. He said this is what he gets for being loyal to him. He said that fucking Ronnie. Howard said he had a discussion with JD about Ronnie's driving and even he thinks he's nuts. Howard said JD went to Philly with him and he agrees that he's a maniac on the road.
Shuli said that Ronnie was yelling at some old woman down in Miami because she was going to slow. He said that he was on the steering wheel screaming at her to go. Howard said he's not out of his mind when he says that Ronnie drives like a maniac. Ronnie asked if they have ever hit anyone in the past 32 years. Howard said no. Ronnie said there you go.
Howard said Gary told him that Jon Hein is really aggressive when he drives. He said the guys say that there is a bubbling rage in him and maybe there is. Gary said Jon has rules and he says if you're in the left lane then you have to move if someone comes up behind you. Gary said he gets nervous riding with him. Shuli said he has that rule on the highway but when he gets on the elevator he won't move out of the way. He won't move at a fast food restaurant until his order is given to him either. Gary said that Jon drives very fast too.
Sal said he used to drive with Jon all the time and he used to shit in his pants. He said he used to close his eyes. He said he drove so fast and so close that he had to close his eyes.
Howard asked Jon what's going on with him. Jon came in and said that he's not sure what they're talking about. He said he is an aggressive driver. He said he also wants his order at McDonald's. He said he doesn't box people out. He said he just waits until his order is ready. He said he won't move unless someone says something to him. He said sometimes he pretends he won't hear them.
Jon said he does stand his ground in the elevator. He said that the people in the building know what they have to go through. Howard said you move to the back when people are getting in. Jon said he does move to the side.
Jon said he knows that Sal gets nervous driving with him and he would take advantage of that. Sal said he'll go 80 and text while driving. Jon said he doesn't do that anymore. Gary said Jon drove Sal home for years and he only offered him money for tolls and gas once. Sal said it was more than once. Jon said it was just once. Sal said that the only reason Jon wanted him in the car was so he could be in the HOV lane.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that they have to have a test with Jon and Ronnie. He said Ronnie is too aggressive. Ronnie said he has never been in a car with him. Bobo said that if someone had pulled out when he was racing that car for Kurt Busch he could have hurt someone. Ronnie said that he was on the highway. Brent said he thinks that he's tired of hearing Bobo on the air. Bobo asked who he thinks he is. He said he just rode into town. Howard said he has to take a break anyway. Bobo's phone was getting muffled for some reason.
Richard said last year Jon Hein walked on the sidewalk and shoved people out of the way while they were looking at the eclipse. Howard said he really is full of rage. Jon said there are things that get under his skin. He said that when you're in the left lane it's the passing lane. He said move out of the way. He said he will tailgate or flash his lights. Ronnie said he won't flash his lights but he does the same thing. Brent said don't do that in Florida. Jon said he has had some arguments before. He said that he knows it's stupid but he has pulled up and said some things to people. He said he'll ask someone what the fuck they're doing. Jon said he had to move and things are great now. He moved to the city and he's getting rid of his car.
Howard said he tries to stick to the right lane and drives the speed limit. He said he always says to himself if he goes 80 he'll get there a little early but he has no place to be that's so important. He said he'll just take an extra 15 minutes. Brent said the roads are dangerous.
Howard said he can't wait for self driving cars. He said that you'll have control over the car but there will be less accidents. Ronnie said that people will think they can lay back and not pay attention. He said if something goes wrong it's going to be their fault.
Howard said it'll be great once there are no more rally races on the roads. Howard asked if Ronnie has any idea how many people died in car accidents in 2017. Howard said it's 40,000. Ronnie said he figured millions. Brent said hundreds of people die every day. Howard said Ronnie thought it was 10 million. He asked if Ronnie is ready for the war. Ronnie said he's been fighting the war for years in the city. Howard said he's not even sure what he's talking about.
Howard read more details about the deaths on the roads. That led to Ronnie talking about how he has an escape hammer in his car. He said Bobo actually gave him that shit. Howard said everyone is at war. He said he really has to take a fucking break. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that the next thing you know Ronnie will be writing a book about him. He said he's revealing private stuff on the air. Howard said he's right. Ronnie said he heard him. Howard said Ralph set him straight. Ralph said that he had created a Golum with Ronnie. Ronnie said he has no idea what that is. Ralph explained it to him and Brent said that's not even right.
Howard let Ralph go and said his boy JD is getting married soon so it's his on air bachelor party tomorrow. Howard said that's going to be fun. Robin said she gets to be part of this one. Howard said Robin is their entertainment. Howard played a song with JD's laughs as the music. He said tomorrow is the big day. He let the song play for a couple of minutes.
Howard said he hopes they have mozzarella sticks at the party. He said they have a lot of fun planned for tomorrow. He said they'll walk down memory lane and have some girls with big asses in there. Howard said they have to have a sexual thing with the party. Gary said he leaned that JD likes asses so big that the cheeks will clap when they move up and down.
Richard said JD likes a girl whose last name is actually Da-ass. JD said he does like a big ass. Howard said he will be evaluating the women's asses when they're in there. JD said he likes big asses and big boobs. Gary said JD likes them ridiculously big. He said it's like a fetish. JD said it's just something he likes.
Shuli said that this one woman he was focused on a few years ago was like a tree stump and he was in love with her. Howard said one of the girls can hold stuff with her ass and clap with it. JD said he's not looking forward to going down memory lane. Howard said his brother is calling in too. JD said he hopes it's interesting. Howard said he's sure it will be. He said they'll play something from the first time on the air and things like that.
Ronnie said he's trying to write a poem. He said he's pretty much there. Shuli asked if he writes on the shitter. Ronnie said he wrote it at the desk. He said he is writing ''like a poem.'' He said the name of it is ''The road to JD's wedding.'' Gary said Ronnie isn't on that road. JD said that's enough. Howard wrapped up with the guys and did a live commercial read.
Howard said that Ronnie is causing problems. He said that Andy's show is off the whole summer. He said he wants that deal. He said no summers is great. He got back to the commercial he was reading.
Robin started her news with a story about the blue light from cell phones possibly causing problems with our eyes. Howard said he got past that worry a while ago. He said then he opens the paper today and sees that story about macular degeneration. He said then they say that there is no evidence that it will lead to it with a cell phone. He said it still doesn't help him. He said he has already curtailed his use of his phone. Robin said she was thinking about it too. She said they say you should turn it off a least a half hour before you sleep. Howard said the Amish have it right. He said they don't have electricity. Robin said they cheat and let other people drive them around. Howard said that's not right. Howard said he loves reading on the Kindle. He said he likes reading the NY Times on there. Robin said she likes a magazine or a newspaper. Howard said he gets bored on the Kindle so he started subscribing to the paper. He said it's so easy to read on there. Robin told Howard what the study found and they say it is a possibility so they have to shield the eye from this light. Howard said this is bumming him out. He said he plays a lot of chess online. He said he sucks just as bad as ever. He said he only likes playing people he can beat. Robin said he won't learn that way. Robin said they say to wear sunglasses while using a phone or computer and don't use them in the dark. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he has ever thought about doing an animated series of his life. Howard said he's talked about it enough. He said he had a 13 episode series he was going to do called Howard Stern The High School Years. He said the deal didn't work out. He said he's told the story a million times.
Robin read a story about the average 8-10 year old child spending many hours looking at screens every day. Robin said it's too much time according to an expert. She had some audio of the woman talking about that. Howard said he thinks he has all of the problems she's talking about.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked said he has had 4 surgeries over the past few years and they attribute it to cell phone use. He said he's only 39. He said he's had cataracts. Howard said he's going to stop using his phone, that's it. The caller said that he had a macular pucker and a detached retina too. He said they figured out that it was from the cell phone use. He said that he has to keep using it because he's on it all day long for work. Howard said you have to do all of your calculations on the phone when you run a brewery. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Howard said he should stop being on the computer so much. He said he's doing a lot. Robin said maybe his recreation shouldn't be on a screen. Howard said he may have to stop. Robin said we're all on a screen a good part of the day. Robin said she's constantly tied to phones and iPads. Howard said we're all going blind and no one seems to care.
Robin read a story about a man driving a car into security barriers in London. Robin read the details of that and had some audio for Howard to play. Howard wondered if Ford is somehow happy that they mentioned the driver was in a Ford Fiesta. That led to him doing his Terrorist Hotline operator voice for a few minutes talking about how much they like the Fiesta.
Robin read a story about a guy who shot a guy in Florida who is being charged with manslaughter after initially being let go. Howard said he saw that tape and this guy was yelling at the guy for parking in a handicapped parking space. Howard said the guy ends up shooting the guy who parked in the spot. Robin said he was taken into custody yesterday. Howard said that tape is very, very weird.
Robin read a story about the National Anthem and the proper things to do when it's playing. Howard said he always puts his hand over his heart. Robin said no one is observing it properly if you read this. Howard said he's okay with guys taking a knee. He said they shouldn't even play the thing during sporting events. He said it all started in World War II. Robin said these people are all upset but they don't even know the proper etiquette. Howard said it's also nice when people take a break from binge drinking to listen.
Howard took a call from a guy calling into the terrorist hotline. He spent a short time with that guy.
Robin read a story about a baseball card that was sold for $623,000. Robin said it has Babe Ruth and a bunch of hall of fame member autographs on it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to comment on that shooting story. He said he is a Florida resident and he has had a conceal permit for about 10 years. The guy was telling Howard what the rules are for the no retreat law is and how they don't charge you immediately. Howard said he was just watching the video and the guy is telling people not to park there. He said he's armed and he's just looking for trouble. The caller said he was fishing for problems but the other guy could have verbally confronted him. Howard said the guy was moving away from him and he shouldn't have shot him. The caller said guys like that make it bad for everyone else. Howard let the guy go after that.
Robin read a story about Omarosa's new book ''Unhinged'' is being released today. Robin said she has stories from inside the White House. Robin had some audio of Omarosa talking about something she wrote about. Robin read some of the comments president Trump said about her this morning. He called her a dog in that tweet. Robin said Omarosa also said that she heard a tape of the President using the N-word and Trump said that Mark Burnett said no tape like that exists. Robin said that he didn't say he never said that but he said there is no tape.
Robin read a story about the President saying that they could be paying no taxes in New York if they had only embraced fracking. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about how sad it is that they're not allowing it.
Robin read a story about Stephen Colbert being on Andy Cohen's show last night talking about Les Moonves. Robin had some audio from the show.
Robin read a story about how they say that Aretha Franklin is near death and people are reacting to that. Robin had some clips of Steven Tyler talking about Aretha. Howard said she was the best. Robin said she's not gone yet. Howard said he's just trying to beat Ronnie to his tweets.
Robin read a story about the FDA weighing banning flavored vape solutions. Howard said he loves the FDA. He said people say they want less government but at least the FDA is there to check over these things. Robin said they feel that the flavored vape liquids are a way of marketing to children. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about how he didn't know they were on because he was reading the paper. He said he was just doing his job. He said he was reading about the catholic church covering up over 1000 cases of sexual abuse. He said these are the people who scream about gays being perverts and not letting them get married. He said the hypocrisy is out there. He said it's even worse than that. He said there should be another word for it other than hypocrisy. Robin said she thought about the good priest who is now embarrassed. Howard said it's a weird occupation. He said you have to not get married and be in a relationship with imaginary Jesus. He said they want you to devote your life to the church. He said that's going to attract pedophiles. He said they molest children since that's who they're around all the time. He said the guy is wearing a special outfit so he's supposed to be some guy you can trust. He said on top of that they tell you that gay people are the devil and they don't deserve happiness. Robin said they value the church more than the lives of those kids.
Howard said if he was the pope he'd just say he's had enough. He said just go get married and you can be a priest. He said problem solved. Robin asked why you have to be unmarried. Howard said the church used to let priests get married. He said somewhere along the line they changed that. He said for some reason they didn't let you marry. Robin said Jesus never married. Howard said that's when all of the pedophiles got involved. He said they can work in a carnival or be a priest. He said you go down the list where you can be around kids and this is the one that comes up. He said you're around kids 24/7 and you don't have to get married. He said it's the perfect job for a pedophile.
Howard said the abuse has been going on over the past 80 years in Pennsylvania according to this article. He said that they have brainwashed a whole parish of people to believe that gays are bad. Robin said nothing happened to the priests either. Howard said they just went to hang with other ones like themselves. Howard said it's 1000 kids. Robin said the bishop had to apologize yesterday.
Gary said 1000 is really low. He said they only have that many documented. He said there may be thousands more that don't come forward. Howard said of course. He said it's a horrible story.
Howard said this social media thing is something he can't handle. He said Sam Smith was on a boat with Adam Lambert and they were vacationing. He said that they both sing so that seems like a vacation already. Howard said Adam is busy videoing Sam Smith. He said he sees people videoing all day long. He said there is no privacy anymore. He said he met with a friend of his and the guy walks in and snaps a picture of him. He said everyone is doing it. He said there's a world full of assholes and they all have cameras.
Howard said Sam Smith starts singing to this Michael Jackson song and he gets slammed. He said that he had an article about it but Jason didn't print it out. Robin said the song was ''Human Nature.'' Howard said he got attacked for singing the song. He said when he gets the article he'll read it. He said that Sam quit Twitter after that. Robin said he said he didn't like Michael Jackson but he liked that song.
Howard said he doesn't get Michael Jackson. He said that he doesn't like his music. Robin said he doesn't get Bieber either. Howard said he gets Bieber and likes some of his songs. Howard said that people were bashing Sam Smith over him saying he doesn't like Michael Jackson.
Howard read the article about Sam saying he doesn't like Michael Jackson on this boat that Adam Lambert posted. Howard said that Jackson fans were going after Sam Smith but Adam deleted the video. It was too late though. Howard said that celebrities were going after him too. Howard read about one woman who went after him calling him a one hit wonder and things like that. She was some Broadway star according to Robin. Howard read about some of the other comments that were made about Sam Smith's comments. Howard said the guy just doesn't like Michael Jackson.
Howard asked what the hell is wrong with people. He said the guy just doesn't like Michael Jackson. He said he hopes Sam Smith has a huge hit song. He said you'd think he wrote ''I Love Isis.'' Robin said he'd get less tweets about that.
Howard read one comment where a guy defended Sam about his right to his personal opinion. Robin asked Howard why Adam Lambert did this. Howard said he's jealous, that's why. He said he's jealous that Sam Smith has a hit. Howard said Adam Lambert is out there singing Queen songs. Howard said this is what happened to the Bachelor. He said he said he liked some things and that was that. Game over.
Howard said he's reading about the church covering stuff up and Sam Smith is in trouble. He said he also read that men have better sex with emotionally unstable women. He said a study was done about that. He said he figured that out on his own. Robin asked how this test is being conducted. Howard said it was the institute of ''No Shit Sherlock.''
Howard said those are girls who want to please and make men think that they will love them. Howard said unstable men are the worst at giving sex. He said he knows that from personal experience. He said he's very unstable and he's terrible in bed.
Howard said the research was done by some place in Europe. He read the name of the person and the university but he threw it out after reading it.
Howard said he almost went home with a woman who used the N-word to some bouncer at a club. He said he is a good man and didn't go home with her because of that. He said he wants a medal for that. He said she was a professional model and she was super fine. He said she started calling this guy the N-word. Robin said if she was the only hot woman he ever got maybe he would have. Howard said she was in another league. Robin said she knows who he was with and he was with some hot women before that.
Howard said someone asked him if he remembers all of his Sharknado movie appearances. He said he was in it from the second one on. He said he doesn't want Benjy in there but he's the worst actor he's ever seen. He said no offense. Robin asked if there are good actors in that movie. Howard said he thinks the cast of the Today show were fine. He said they're in it and they act like normal people. He said Benjy's acting is mostly just screaming. He said he's been on TV and in a movie and Benjy just yells. He said you don't need someone like that in your life. He said he's been in terrible situations in his life and he's never yelled like this.
Howard said in the second Sharknado Benjy was a homeless guy. He said he was screaming so annoyingly that you can't understand what the fuck he's saying. He said when he gets eaten you're so happy. He played a clip of Benjy screaming in that one. Howard said no one screams like that.
Howard said just listen to that. He played the clip again. Benjy was screaming in a way that you don't understand what he's saying. He asked what kind of acting that is. Robin asked what the director says to him. Howard said there can't be a director there. He said it's just a P.A. telling him where to go. Howard said you never hear anyone yell like that. Gary said Benjy is in there saying there are sharks flying around. Robin said there is no one else yelling like that in the movie.
Howard played the part where Benjy gets eaten. He said you're so relieved when he gets eaten. He said then in Sharknado 4 they told him he was going to be a reporter so he doesn't yell. He said he has a big beard as a reporter. He said he's wearing a baseball cap too. He said no one looks like that on TV. He said Benjy doesn't like being bald. He said he's the anchor man with a baseball cap on. He played that clip too. Howard said you really have to see him.
Howard said that's Stacey Dash talking to him. He said that's why he was thinking of her. He said he got totally distracted by her. He said he was looking for her online. He said there aren't a lot of clips of her from Clueless. He said she's so good looking. He said he knows she's a complete maniac on FOX News. He said he doesn't care though. He said he would be sexual with her if he wasn't with Beth. He said she's 51 years old but she still looks good. He said he'd like to go back in time to 45 or so though.
Howard played the Stacey Dash clip and Robin said she's a terrible actress too. Howard played more of Benjy's lines and pointed out how he's starting to yell again. Howard was goofing on the way he says ''Mayor'' as ''Mare.''
Howard said Stacey Dash once said that trans people shouldn't have their own bathrooms and they should go outside. He said it was something like that. He said she's so hot though. He asked how that happened. He said she has two kids too. Robin said she knows. Howard wondered if they're as good looking at her. He said as good looking as that model using the N-word was he dumped her off on the street. Robin said Stacey did say that trans people should use bushes for bathrooms.
Howard said Stacey has some bod. He said that she really is hot. Robin said she had it all. Howard said it's wild. He said he'd guess she's wild in bed. He said who knows though. Howard said you can't get much crazier than telling trans people to pee in the bushes.
Howard had a clip of Benjy from Sharknado 5. He said the world is ending and the Today show people are acting like nothing is going on. He said Benjy is the one yelling. No one else was yelling. Howard played the rest of the clip and Benjy was yelling as soon as he came on.
Gary said that Benjy is letting him know that he's not in a studio and he's outside in the Sharknado. Howard said he knows that. He said that they have guys out in hurricanes and their caps don't fly off. He said Benjy's never comes off. Howard said you have to watch Mothra Vs. Godzilla. He said the Japanese people don't yell while they're watching the fight between the monsters. Benjy said he thinks it's more realistic to be jumpy like that. Howard said you don't have to yell. He said you speak loud and that's it. He said Benjy isn't yelling now. Benjy said he thinks he's a fine actor and he did the best with what he had. Gary said he's blaming the script. Benjy said he's not.
Howard asked what it was like working with Stacey Dash. Benjy said she didn't want to wear the socks they asked her to but she eventually did it. He said she was nice. Howard said a house falls on her and they make her like the Wicked Witch.
Howard said watch tapes of 9/11 and no one is carrying on like Benjy. Benjy said anything he got in the scripts were right when they were shooting. He said he did his best. Howard said he's not saying he didn't but he's saying his best sucks.
Howard took a call from Benjy's acting coach. The guy was screaming everything he said. Howard spent a minute with him.
Howard said they gave Benjy even less to do in Sharknado 6. He said he has a clip. He said you barely hear him in this one. He said the movie comes out this Sunday. He said they didn't reveal his name but he plays a guy running on the beach an he gets excited when he sees a reporter played by Gilbert Gottfried. Howard played the clip and you hear Benjy yelling again. He yelled out a Baba Booey.
Howard said no one understands what you're saying. He said he's wearing a cap again in the movie. He said that never blows off. Robin said it would be a departure to take that off. Benjy said he likes the way he looks wearing one. Howard said it never blows off. He said he goes out for a walk on a windy day and his cap blows off.
Howard said he doesn't understand anything that Benjy says other than Baba Booey. Benjy said he did what he was told to do.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had to change the channel just hearing him play the clips. Howard said he can turn it back on now. Howard played a song parody about Benjy after that.
Howard said someone said that Benjy has a big belly and his shirts don't cover it up. He said he's expanded so much that they can't cover it up. He said in the middle of talking to him he lifts his shirt and rubs his belly. He said someone told him that's what he was doing. He said the belly is also starting to split like it has two hemispheres.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him to check out ''Illegal in Blue'' because Stacey is totally nude in that. He said it's from 1995. Howard asked why that didn't come up in his search. He said he'll have to give this guy a job. Howard asked why she gets naked. The caller said he doesn't remember because he was about 17 and he was just jerking off. He said it's locked in his jerk off memory bank.
Gary told Howard that he's viewing it now on MrSkin.com and it's a sex scene. He said she's naked in it and you can see her boobs. Howard asked him to bring that in for him.
Gary brought in the clip and Howard said she is a good looking girl. Howard said they need more callers like that last one. He said they need information like that. He told Gary to cut it off because he's on the air. Robin said she didn't know she did nudity. Howard said he didn't either.
Howard said for Benjy he'd suggest less yelling and more acting. Robin said if he just acted maybe he'd have a bigger role.
Howard said the other weird thing he read in the paper is that Coca Cola is releasing a new line of Sprite soda and it turns blue if anyone shits in it. He said that has to be an Onion type article. He said that can't be real. Jason said the guys are saying that it was an joke article. Howard said he couldn't tell.
Howard said they're going to do JD's bachelor party later. He said they're going to go through some history with him and they have some girls coming in for him. He said they have big, giant asses. He said they're JD approved asses. He said each one will perform for him and he can touch their asses too. Robin said maybe he shouldn't do that if he's getting married. Howard said JD took a Xanax today because he doesn't like being the center of attention. He said he knows the girls who are coming in. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said the N-word does matter to him. He said he doesn't like white people using it. He said the word does matter to him. He said that it's so sickening because when he and Robin moved to New York Robin had to find an apartment. He said that Robin had trouble finding an apartment. Robin said they were looking for a long time and not finding anything. He said she had money to afford it. The caller said maybe they didn't like Jews. Howard said between the two of them they weren't able to find an apartment. Howard said at one point they were going to have his wife buy the apartment. He said it's sickening.
Howard said this guy must be a guy who has no problem with the word. He said that he wasn't born black though. Howard said the word is troubling. He said it does matter to him. Howard said he's going to get off of this and move on to JD.
Howard said they took the vows and made a phony phone call to a woman. He played the clip and they had JD saying he loves this woman so much. The woman said she has never gotten a call like this. She said that she enjoyed talking with him. She told him to have a great day. Howard said she thought he was charming. Robin said that was just the beginning of the relationship. Howard said he liked that he called her a creature and she was offended by that. Robin said she did correct him.
Howard said a lot of real celebrities are checking in with JD for his upcoming nuptials. He said Ryan Phillippe cut a message for JD. He played that clip and Ryan congratulated JD on finding a woman who makes him happy and overlooks his inability to use chop sticks and so many other things.
Howard said that was very nice. JD said it was very nice. Howard asked how many Xanax he took. JD said he took just one. Robin said she resents that. JD said he feels fine. He said it has nothing to do with them, it's more him. Howard said it makes you feel like you smoked a joint from what he's heard. JD said he'll be fine. Howard said he's afraid he'll be almost asleep. JD said he won't be able to sleep with all of the asses in his face. Howard said he sounds extra dopey right now. JD told him to shut up.
Howard said he asked JD why he took the Xanax this morning and he just mumbled something. He had him explain it to him and then he said he doesn't like being the center of attention. He said he knows what's going to happen and it's not that big of a deal. He said that they're going to speak to his brother and some women in his life. He said then they'll have the big ass women in there.
Howard asked JD what's going on with him. JD said he doesn't know what's going to happen and he wants it to be okay. He said he wants his brother to be okay too. He said there are things that will be ''broughten up'' so he's worried about that. Howard said he graduated from Full Sail saying ''broughten up.'' He asked how you do that and not know it's a weird thing to say. He said exchange students don't even say that.
Howard said that Samantha Bee cut an ID for JD. He said she's very funny. He played that clip and Samantha said some things about JD being fucked because of his lack of communication skills. She said she hopes he has a great time in his marriage and the key is ''ass play.'' She said she means pegging when she says ass play.
Howard said that was very funny. JD said it was. Howard said some other people cut IDs too but he'll play them later. He said Guillermo Del Toro cut one. He said he'll play that later. He said he's a cool guy. He said he went out and bought his journal that's like his own journal. He said it's like 17 bucks for blank pages. He said it's pretty cool though.
Howard played the Guillermo ID that he was talking about. He had some things to say to JD about washing his sheets and things like that. Howard said that guy is fabulous. He said he's a hero of his. JD said it's very surreal to hear that. Robin said he's another director giving him his best wishes. Howard said he grew up in another country and speaks better than JD. He asked why that is. JD said he doesn't know. Howard said you don't hear him saying ''broughten.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's awesome that they're putting out so much video stuff on the app. Howard said they're just getting started. The caller said he was talking to the guys in the back if he had any games to play. Howard said he doesn't have any right now. He said he's going to be getting to JD's bachelor party.
Howard said they have a lot of phony phone calls they've made over the years. He said they have to be the biggest producer of phony phone calls now. He said on Labor Day they're going to have nothing but phony phone calls all day on Howard 101. He said that they call it the phony phone call-a-thon. Howard said they should do the JD bachelor party next. He asked Fred if they're ready. Fred said they are.
Robin asked if Howard is afraid of ruining the marriage for JD because he could fall in love with one of these women. Howard said at least it would save him from a divorce. Howard said he hopes that JD doesn't doze off during the segment. JD said he'll be fine. He said he doesn't take the Xanax very often. He said that he had a panic attack once. Howard said he remembers he wasn't able to come to work at one point. JD said he had something happen and he wasn't able to get on the train without getting nervous. He said he didn't want to leave the apartment. He said he got that fixed. Robin asked if he missed work. JD said he missed a couple of days. He said he would come in late and leave before the show started.
Howard said Brent says that he's been addicted to that stuff a couple of times. JD said he knows and he's being careful.
Howard asked Brent to come in to talk about being hooked on that stuff. Brent came in and said he was addicted a couple of times and he had to get himself off of it. He said that's when he was working for Bubba. He said that stuff will make you pass out. He said he passed out a couple of times. JD said he's on the lowest dosage. He said it's like 0.5. Brent said that they have a 0.25. He said he was taking those and he was self medicating. Howard asked what the affect was. Brent said it made him a comatose zombie. He said he was taking those and drinking and smoking pot. Howard said he heard he passed out from drinking a few weeks ago. Brent said he had been drinking all day in the sun. He said he hadn't eaten and it caught up with him.
Brent said the Xanax isn't a good thing. JD said it's a rare thing. He said he's not looking to be on it. Robin said if more things come up over the years what is he going to do. JD said he'll figure it out when he gets there.
Brent said the withdrawals are the worst. He said it's a lot of anger and being pissed. He said it took therapy to really figure out what was wrong. Howard said these drugs will really fuck you up. Brent said the doctor's office can fuck you up more than a guy on the street.
Howard said imagine when JD is married and has kids. He said he's going to have to deal with them and take Xanax. Howard said he has to get to the bachelor party.
Howard said he heard that Brent got into a fight with Michael Rapaport on the Wrap Up Show. Brent said Michael tries to get into it with Gary and he tries to get into it with him too and he won't do it. Howard had some clips of Rapaport asking Brent to do 10 push ups. Brent told him he can't record him and post it. He threatened to sue Rapaport over it if he uses the tape.
Brent said he's not going to stand there and take that. He said he was just trying to do the show. Howard had tape of Michael going off on Brent on the Wrap Up Show. Rapaport was talking about the big head Brent has gotten up there.
Brent said that it's all Rapaport. He said no one wants to be on his dumb podcast. Gary came in and said that they're starting fantasy football next week and he has some texts from him. He read through those and Rapaport was really angry toward Gary. Gary read some that went to Brent too. Howard said they say that he's the sweetest guy off the air. Gary said they go out to lunch and he's really nice. He said then the turn the microphone on and he's calling him monkey boy. Howard said it goes right to monkey.
Howard said Rapaport goes to the gay stuff too. He said he's like the Iron Sheik who used to say he was going to fuck you up the ass and then he'd call you gay and faggot. He said that was weird. Gary said Rapaport goes to weird stuff like that too. Howard said they have to do the bachelor party next. He said he's going to have some guys in there and make it a real party. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard said they have a bunch of guys in there. He said that Fred is there and the last time he was at a bachelor party he was making out with a guy. Fred said that was in 1994. Howard said Sal is there. Ronnie is there. He said Sal isn't allowed to go to bachelor parties. Sal said this is JD's future. Howard said that Jason is there too. He said Will is there and he's like JD's best friend. Will said he's good at calling him fat. Howard asked if he's his best friend. Will said no. Howard said Jon Hein is but he's not even there. He said they didn't invite Jon to the party.
Howard said JD is on Xanax for his bachelor party. Howard said he can see that nothing is bothering him and he likes it when things bother him. JD said things will bother him. Ronnie said he didn't take anything the night of the there ''blachelor party.''
Howard said Jon Hein is part of the best ass contest. He said that's why he's not in there. He said no one from the show is invited to the wedding. Ronnie said he's insulted by that. Howard said he's so happy that no one from the show is going. He said he gets pissed when people invite him. Ronnie said he was invited and then not invited. Howard said it's not that big of a deal. JD said it wasn't an official invite. Ronnie said it was a save the date and then don't come. Howard said he thought he wanted to be best man or something. Ronnie said he's known this guy since he was a kid. JD said he's sorry. Ronnie said fuck you, fuckin' prick.
Howard said he'll give the best man speech today. He said that JD has been there for a long time. JD said he started in 2003 in January. JD did the math for Howard and said that's 15 years. Robin said that JD described his love for Jon Hein and it sounded as bad as his vows. JD said he and Jon both get along and they have the same sense of humor. He said they just get along.
Howard said he thought they'd take a walk down memory lane with JD. He said they have some guests from his past coming in. He said they'll bring in 4 women to show off their asses later too. He said that they watched JD grow up on the air.
Howard said when they first met JD he was an intern there. Ronnie said he was very quiet and shy. Howard said Ronnie befriended him from the start. Ronnie said he was very skinny. Will said he creeped out the other interns. He said he was writing a movie about an axe murder and the other interns thought that it was based on his own life.
Howard said JD was in love with one of their interns and Robin was the one who suggested he change his name to JD. Howard played a clip from that day when they changed it to JD from Jamie.
Howard said changing his name didn't help get that girl. Will said that girl was beautiful too. He said that he should have shot lower. Jason said he had a lot against him back then. He said he had bad breath and they had to talk to him about that.
Howard said JD lost his virginity at the age of... JD said it was 25. Robin sounded shocked by that. Howard said he lost it to a former webcam girl. Howard said that was in December of 2005. He said that he spent more than $10,000 on porn on the web. Howard said what JD admitted to on the air once was pretty bad. He played a clip of JD talking about this girl having a dog lick her pussy once. Howard said he has to start that again. Will asked how that's not a crime. JD said he didn't do anything. Howard replayed the clip. JD was talking about how wrong it was when she did it. Howard said he really is a bad ass.
Howard said they found out he used the screen name ''DABA'' to stay anonymous. He said that's when they found out what it stands for. It was ''Da Bad Ass.'' Howard played that clip and everyone was cracking up when they heard that name.
Howard said they learned that he liked a girl named Kissyfur. Howard said they got them on the air to reenact their online chats. Howard played a clip of that. They had JD talking to her and asking if she wanted it hard.
Howard let the clip play but JD yelled in the background ''How long is this clip?'' Ronnie said Sal just blew a load. Jason said there wasn't one stammer in that clip. Howard said when he's on a cam he speaks the king's English. He said there are so many other things.
Howard said he has to get to some of the phone calls. He said they sent JD to Jamaica to party with some porn stars. He said he was supposed to call in live while he had sex. He said three porn stars tried to jerk him off and he wasn't able to get off. Howard said on the phone he has Annie Cruz who was there that day. Howard said hi to Annie who said that was 12 years ago. JD said that was so long ago. He said it had nothing to do with her. He said she was one of the hottest ones there. Howard asked Annie to take them back. Annie said there was one other girl there. She said she thought it was Shy Love and another girl. JD said his memory is that it was Shy Love holding the phone and his dick. He said he was trying to get there but he has the phone in his face and he wasn't able to get it up.
Howard asked Annie if she was shocked that day. Annie said she was kind of. She said she understood why he had issues. She said even now when she hooks up with someone they get intimidated by her. JD said she is very tough and intimidating. He said that he wasn't able to get it up and he felt bad about it.
Howard asked if Annie is still in the business. She said she's working in marketing now. He said she quit the business about 3 years ago. Howard said she's the woman who squirted in Gary's eye too. He said she's famous for that. Annie said she remembers that one. Gary said he was mic'ing that and no one has ever done that to him. He said it was insane. Annie laughed. Gary said it was like a chainsaw with a bunch of tongues on it and she came when he leaned into it to get closer audio. Gary asked if she's healthy. He said that's all he cares about. Annie said she's good.
Robin asked if she's still able to be with men. Annie said sure. she said it was tough for her to date for a while. She said that they can't handle her because of what she used to do. She said that she had some relationships that lasted a decent amount of time and then she'd be single. She said she's kind of seeing someone now and she's quite happy now. Howard said she has a show on SiriusXM. He said it's called the Dirtiest Girl in the World on Vivid Radio on channel 415 at 4pm on Mondays. Howard said he didn't even know the channels went that high.
Howard asked if Annie has any advice for JD. She said that communication is key. The guys said ''Uh oh...'' JD told them to shut up.
Howard asked how long Annie worked on JD. JD said it was a few minutes. He said they just gave up. He said nothing was going to happen. Howard said he heard she got Carpel Tunnel from it. Ronnie asked why he didn't get off when they hung up. JD said they were all done after they hung up. He said they weren't that into him.
Howard said that was the woman who pulled on JD's dick for a few minutes. Howard said the guy who has been in his life longest is JD's brother Jason. Howard said they never think of JD and his brother. He said that he is close to him. JD said they were closer when they were younger. He said he's a younger brother. He said they don't live in the same city. He said they text more than talk.
Howard took the call from Jason Harmeyer who sounded kind of like JD. Howard welcomed him to the show. Howard asked if JD was a good brother. Jason said he was a good brother. He said as he's gotten older he's been there for him. He said he's just a great guy. Howard said he loves him. He asked him to tell them about his younger years. He asked if JD picked on him. Jason said yes and no. He said he had different ways of messing with him. He said they were big into WWE wrestling and JD would randomly put him in his place that way.
Howard said he is way more articulate than JD. He said that he was expecting him to sound just like JD. Jason said he is extremely nervous right now. He said he didn't take Xanax but he would love to. Howard asked if they shared a room. Jason said they shared a room for quite a while. Howard asked if he was aware of JD jerking off at all. Jason said not at all. He said there are certain tones they get in that mood and a brother shouldn't have to hear that.
Howard asked Jason if it's difficult to have a world famous brother like JD. He asked if he's jealous at all. Jason said not really. He said that people may seek him out for certain things. He said he was hanging with JD at a show once and then JD went off with Ryan Phillippe and left him on his own. Jason said it's not a bad thing. Howard asked why Jason can't hang out with Ryan. Jason said Ryan has no idea who he is. Howard said maybe in some ways JD has gone Hollywood. Jason said well... He said there is some name dropping here and there. JD asked when he does that. Jason said he does it here and here. JD asked what names. Jason said he mentioned Horatio Sanz and Guillermo Del Toro. JD said he did get a tweet from David Spade once and he showed it to his brother.
Howard asked Jason if he had any dreams of being a star like JD. Jason said they both went to Full Sail and he was into writing and editing. He said he didn't want to be a director. Robin said they could have been The Harmeyer Brothers. JD said the thoughts were there but they didn't do it. Jason said they did writ something together in school but nothing since then.
Howard asked if Jason had to step in to help his brother out in school. Jason said not necessarily. JD said he was in the drama club and Jason got big in it after him. Howard asked if Jason was better with the girls. Jason said maybe a little better. He said he lost his virginity at 23. Jason Kaplan asked if it was with a regular girl or a cam girl. Jason said it was with a regular girl.
Howard asked if Jason is going to the wedding. Jason said if this phone call goes okay then yes. He said he doesn't want to step on any toes of anyone there. Howard said no one else is invited. Howard said none of the guys are going to the wedding.
Howard asked Ronnie if he has ever met Jason. Ronnie said never. Howard said he's impressed with the way he speaks compared to JD. Jason Kaplan said they look similar but they don't speak the same. JD said that Jason is also thinner than him.
Howard asked if Jason has met the fiancee. Jason said yes. He said he's seen her 3 or 4 times. Howard asked if he's upset with the lack of closeness with his brother. Jason said that it's tough living in different places. They used to live together and Jason said that JD was clean back then. He said maybe he wasn't so clean himself. He said that he never had any issues with JD when he lived with him.
Howard asked if he is shocked by JD's weight gain. Jason said he's not alarmed but he does remember seeing him at a family gathering and JD said something about hitting 35 and it hits you.
Howard said this is a fascinating story. He said that they're there celebrating JD's upcoming nuptials. He said that Jason must be surprised that JD got a girl. Jason said he is a little surprised. Howard asked if he thinks it will last. Jason said yes. Howard asked if he is father material or is he too damaged. Jason said he thinks he'd make a good dad. He said that he did hear those tapes they played but he can still have fun. He said JD can't teach it nothing so he'd have to send it to a good school.
Howard asked what the most annoying thing was about JD. Jason said he thinks that he was very particular about certain things. He said he had to do things in a certain order. He said that was kind of annoying. Jason said it was very routine.
Howard asked if there was any discussion about JD maybe having autism. Jason said that they did not and it only came up on the show recently. He said he did rock back and forth when he was younger. He said that still happens.
Howard wrapped up with Jason and said he hopes he enjoys the wedding. Jason said he still has to find a suit. JD told him to hurry up. Robin asked if JD tells him who his favorite guy on the staff is. JD said he knows he hangs out with Ronnie and Jon a bit. Jason Kaplan asked who he doesn't like. Jason said he doesn't know. JD said he doesn't really talk about that stuff with him. Jason said that he wouldn't know who half the people are if he told him everything about the show.
The guys asked JD if he knows who is marrying them yet. JD said he knows it's a woman. He knows they're going to some place.
Will said that JD knows things about Jon Hein that he likes but he can't come up with stuff about his own fiancee. JD said he doubts himself a lot. Howard said these are his friends giving him a hard time. He said he's sure Jason is glad he doesn't work there.
Howard thanked Jason for participating in the show. He said they're going to get the women in there with big asses. He asked Jason if he's into that too. Jason said he doesn't mind it. Howard let Jason go and said he's kind of disappointed that he sounds so normal. He said that guy has his shit together. Robin said they hired the wrong guy. Jason Kaplan said they actually hired the right one.
The guys were still shocked that no one from the show is going to be at the wedding. Howard said Ronnie should be there. Ronnie said he would never go now. He said fuck no. Will said he's going to regret it. JD said he doesn't think so.
Howard said they heard from the girl who rubbed his dick and from his brother. Howard said they have someone there for him. He said they learned that JD used to cum into his t-shirts and things like that. Then they learned that he only washed his sheets once a year. He said they have JD's unwashed bed sheets there. They had a guy (The Lump/Mike Trainor) come in as his sheets. He came in and said he has a low thread count and a high sperm count. JD told him he didn't want to look at him. JD's sheets was talking about how they used to roll around together in the hot weather and things like that. He said he would cum all over him and not wash him. He said JD didn't wash himself either so they were a perfect fit. He said they were two disgusting things. JD's Sheets said they had a three way with the pillow. He said he thinks the pillow killed itself. He said that he has to remember back in the day about the dog licking the peanut butter. JD told him to shut up.
Howard said please don't get too close to Robin. He said he doesn't want her getting pregnant. Howard asked the guys to get a shot of the sheets costume because they had all kinds of JD jokes on it.
Howard let JD's sheets go after that. JD asked him not to touch him. Howard said he just molested JD.
Howard had Ronnie read more. Ronnie read this long poem/story about JD going to strip clubs and things like that. Ronnie went through the history of JD and how he got into wanting a relationship and things like that.
Howard asked if Fred Ronnie has a poem for JD. Fred did his Ronnie impression and read a quick one about cumming in his fiancee's face. He had a couple of others that the guys were applauding.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's having such a great time with this. Howard said just wait until they bring the girls in. He said they have 4 ladies who have asses like JD likes. JD said he has seen their work so they will be nice.
Howard said the girls are going to clap their ass. Jason said he asked JD what a girl's ass has to do and he said clapping is one of the important things. JD said that's a sign of a talented ass.
Howard said now Sal is going to toast JD. Sal said he's going to give a nice toast for JD. He went right into roast mode and started telling jokes about JD. He told a few jokes about his weight and about how his fiancee won't admit to dating him because just look at him. He said Nicole Brown Simpson made a better choice. He said JD looks like a bloated Charlie Chan. Howard said he may want to take another Xanax. Sal wished that his first child be a mumbling, masculine child.
Howard said that was beautiful. JD said that was very nice. Howard said they're going to do JD's favorite ass moment next. He said they have the girls coming in next. The guys all cheered. Ronnie cheered the loudest. Ronnie said lets get this shit started. Howard said this is the greatest. Robin said this is a good bachelor party. She said she's not sure what she missed with the other one.
Howard said Ronnie is just about purple from being so excited. He said they're going to get the girls in there. Ronnie was going nuts. Howard said the girls are going to do 3 things for JD. He said they're going to twerk and clap with their buttocks. Ronnie was still going nuts. He said one of the girls was his hot chick of the week. He said that she has an ass that doesn't quit. Howard asked what he would do to her. Ronnie said forget about it. He said he'd be right in that asshole. Howard asked with his penis or mouth. Ronnie said it doesn't matter.
Howard said the girls are also going to let him smack their asses. JD said he'll do that. He said he's ready. Jason said that one of the girls wants him to worship her ass. Howard said when they get back they will see some old school style action in there. They went to break after that.
Howard said that it's amazing that it cured her. Ginger said she saw people liking her fat ass and it helped. Robin said she doesn't even have a fat ass. JD said it's a nice ass. Ginger said that she doesn't do anything with her ass. She said she just got lucky with the genes.
Howard asked Ginger about how she had accused Ron Jeremy of being inappropriate with her. Ginger said she was asking about stuff and she heard from a lot of people that Ron gropes people. She said that it's not when you just take a picture with him though. She said all she did was consolidate the evidence of him doing it and she let people decide. She said she isn't saying anything that's not true so she's not going to get in trouble for that. she said one of her good friends had an issue with him so she had to do something about it.
Howard asked Ronnie if he still has a boner. Ronnie said he was still having a good time. Howard said Ginger is going to Twerk for JD. She said she's going to clap her ass for him and asked him to put the mic right there for her. She went right into it and Howard said that's crazy. He said that he wants to quiet the room down and hear it again. Ginger did it again and Howard said he couldn't do that. Robin said he has a pretty flabby ass too. Howard asked when she realized she could do that. Ginger said she did it accidentally and realized she can do it.
Howard said Ginger has a full bush too. He said he likes it shaved but she's got a full bush. Ginger said the part you mess with is shaved. She said it's just hair up above. Howard said that she is now going to do a twerk. Howard asked her to describe what that is. She said it's basically just shaking your ass to a song. Howard had Ginger do that next. Ronnie said he was waiting to find out if she was going to be topless but he didn't have to ask.
Howard said that was amazing. JD said he thinks he can declare a winner. He said that's not leaving his mind any time soon.
Howard gave Ginger a plug and said follow her on Twitter. Ronnie said he does. He said she has a video where this guy knocks on her door. Ginger said she did a boy girl webcam thing and someone knocked on her door. JD said she did one where she masturbated next to her sister in bed. Ginger said she sleeps next to her sister. She said it's her real sister. Ronnie liked that too. Robin said Ronnie is out of control. Howard asked if Ronnie is okay. He was cracking up and unable to talk. Howard asked what he's laughing about. Ronnie said he's having a party. JD said her sister has a great ass too.
Howard thanked Ginger for doing her thing and moved on to Kendra Sunderland. Howard said that Kendra went on a date with Medicated Pete last year. Kendra said that they thought something else was going to happen but nothing has. she said that she keeps in touch with him and Pete comes to see her. She said that when she's in Pittsburgh he always comes out to see her. She said he's a sweet guy. Howard said Pete must have a lot of feelings for her. JD said she made quite an impression on him last year too. Ronnie was into her too of course. Ronnie said his glasses are fogging up from her. Howard said Ronnie really loves this. Ronnie said this is the real world here. Howard asked Sal if he's going to get in trouble too. Sal said he won't get in trouble for this.
Howard read about how Kendra got in trouble for masturbating in her school's library. Kendra said it was months later that she got in trouble when someone posted it. Gary said you can see people in there reading books and she's kind of jerking off there. Howard asked if she was nervous about that. Kendra said she just does things and doesn't think about it. She said she wasn't worried about it. Howard said Kendra has resigned from the porn industry but she's still making her own stuff. She said she's only doing her own projects and only things she wants to. She said she went to Greece and had sex on a beach. She said that's harder than you think. She said that sand is everywhere and people were all over the place too. She said they were saying they were doing a photo shoot but then she did a blow job and people knew it was more than that.
Jason said that her videos for Black are out of control. He said she is so hot and committed to those guys. She said that it's huge cocks. Kendra said she has had sex with Mandingo and Dread. She said they are the biggest guys. She said that they're so big they can't get the whole dick in there. Howard said he would love that. Robin said no he wouldn't. Howard said he's tired of being laughed at when he pulls his pants down. He said he'd rather have them fear him.
Howard asked if her vagina looks different after a big cock is in there. Kendra said she's not sure. She had a Fleshlight for JD that was made from a mould of her vagina. JD thanked her for that.
Howard asked Kendra about how the porn shoots go and if she ever gets worn out. Kendra said she does. She told Howard the position they put her in is tough. She said she has to shake her tits so that gets tiring.
Howard said it's time for her to do her thing. Kendra said she can bounce her tits and ass at the same time. JD said that's a good girl. JD said that his glasses are fogging up now too. Howard said she is a beautiful woman. He asked Robin what she thinks about this. Robin said this part is disturbing. Ronnie asked why that is. Robin said she's not going to talk to him.
Howard said next up is Raven Hart. JD said he likes a shorter woman like that. JD said that she would be right up there in the club. Robin asked why he wasn't able to describe what he likes. JD said he didn't want to do it in the wrong way. He said she's being a buzz kill. Howard said she just got into it 2 years ago. Raven said it was only a year and a half ago. She said she was a dominatrix and before that she was a dancer and on webcam. She said she knew some friends in the industry and they sent her info to Brazzers and they hired her for two shoots and there she is.
Howard asked Raven about being a bisexual and if she prefers one over the other. Raven said she likes both equally. She said she has a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Jason said JD has a full learn right now. JD said he's been learning at everyone. Howard asked how old she was when she had a man for the first time. She said she was 15 and the guy was 16. She said she was 18 when she was with a woman for the first time. She said that her friend put a move on her and they shared her bed. She said that they started out kissing and then other things. Howard asked if she was shocked she enjoyed it. Raven said not at all.
Howard asked if she can clap her ass or anything. Raven said no but she had her panties for JD to take off. They had JD go in and take them out of her ass. Howard gave her some plugs and also gave Kendra her plugs because he had forgotten about that.
Howard said that they're down to their last woman now. He said JD is getting quite the bachelor party. Ronnie said they have another hour. Howard said they have to get to news. Ronnie said fuck it. Howard asked if Fred is fun at a party. Fred said these women are all gorgeous and he's not sure how JD is holding it together.
Howard said next up is Richelle Ryan. JD knew of her. He said he knows her from work and that he's in a fantasy football league with her. She didn't even know that. JD said he's well aware of her ass. Howard asked if men go wild for her ass. Richelle said they do. She said the booty drives them crazy. She said she's Italian and she was blessed. Ronnie said he knows her too. He said he saw her at the exotic dancer awards. He said they'll be seeing each other soon. Ronnie said Robin is all upset about this. Sal said she's upset with Ronnie.
Howard said that they're going to learn a bit about Richelle. He said she's been in porn. Richelle said she goes way back. She said that she's been in it 12 years. She said she loves it. Howard asked how many films she's been in. She said about 250. Howard said her specialty is MILF. She said she plays the mom or horny cougar. She said it's a lot of step son and things like that. Howard asked Richelle about the step mom porn since that's the kind of thing he watches. He asked her how a scene might go and acted one out with her.
Howard asked Richelle about being with younger guys and older guys. She said older guys ask too many questions. Ronnie asked what the hell she's talking about. Richelle said that the younger guys want to get in and out like she does. She said that she just took a guy's virginity a couple of months ago. She said that he was 25 and a friend of her's. she said she could tell he wanted it so they went out and hung out and then she brought him up and ripped his clothes off. Howard said he reminds him of Mother Theresa but with bigger tits. Howard asked if guys act inappropriately with her. She said oh yes. She said Ronnie probably has. Robin said now she's talking.
Howard asked if Richelle can do the clapping thing with her ass. She said of course. Howard asked her to do that for JD. She did it but it wasn't making noise. JD said it moves fine. Howard asked if she can give JD a dance. JD asked if he can spank. Richelle said sure. JD said god bless. Howard had Fred play some music and JD did his spanking thing while she danced for him. Richelle had some gifts for him too. JD told her to get out of there before something happens.
Howard said it seems like this would take you out of the marriage thing. JD said that it's not and he loves his fiancee. Richelle said that she has a fantasy football connection with JD. JD said he was talking about the connection he has with his wife.
Howard gave Richelle some plugs and took a call from Bobo who said he's loving this. He said he can't wait to see the video on the app. Howard said he's sure they'll have it up soon. He said everyone loves the app. Bobo told JD to have a great wedding.
Howard said he's not sure how to decide who wins. He said that they all do very well. Howard said he's going to give one $500 cash thanks to Quip toothbrushes. He asked JD to pick his favorite. He said look at the four of them. JD said he had a sash to put on the winner. Howard wished them all luck. Jason said he thinks that the girl who put her ass out the most was Ginger. Howard said it's JD who picks the winner though. Ginger clapped her ass for them again. Howard asked if Robin can do that. Robin said no.
Ronnie picked Ginger to win too. Sal said he wants to pick one too. Howard asked what he has to say. Sal said that ''We are! (the winners)''
Howard asked JD what he thinks. JD said he knows this girl's work and he's seen her a lot. He said he's seen this ass for a long time. He said it's just so thick and circular. He said it's Richelle Ryan. Howard said wow. She kissed JD and Howard asked if he wanted to make a speech. Richelle said that she put a lot of work into working out and eating oatmeal and steak. She said that she started to get it around the age of 21. Howard asked if she was shocked. She said she was pretty much. Howard said they're all talented. JD said he loves all of them.
Howard gave everyone their plugs and started to wrap up. The girls all had gifts for JD that they mentioned. Howard thanked the girls for coming in. He asked JD if he has anything to add. JD thanked Howard and everyone else for what they did for him.
Howard took a call from fake JD's fiancee who said she's moving her stuff out right now. She said that she just realized she's going to marry JD. She said no hard feelings but take care mumbly JD. Howard said he's sure she'll have a new boyfriend in days. He let her go and went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from Balls who said that was fucking amazing. He said who would have known slapping asses and some Xanax would bring out a different JD. Howard said soon they'll have a new JD who will be married so no more slapping asses. Balls said he's very happy for JD. Robin said that the was saying he loves his fiancee and then he said he was loving those girls. Howard said this is why they can't have Robin at these things.
Balls asked if there is going to be any repercussions from his fiancee. JD said no. He said he wouldn't do anything that would upset her. He said that everything is fine. He asked if he seemed fine during that segment. Robin said no. JD told her to shut up. He said Robin needed a Xanax.
Robin said Ronnie was trying to steal the limelight. Howard said it was JD's moment and Ronnie crow barred himself into it. Robin said he was screaming when the girls came in. Howard had Fred do his impression of Ronnie. Howard said Ronnie is going to be 70 soon and he's still sexed up like that. He said that he told him that he bangs Stephanie every night. He said this guy is up there. He said if you check the actuarial tables he doesn't have that many years left. Robin said he doesn't masturbate anymore. Howard said he's not sure how he has the energy. He said that's wild. Fred Ronnie was still going nuts screaming.
Howard said imagine what Ronnie was like at 19. He said he's surprise he's not in prison. He said he's so horny. Robin said it's weird. She said she thought his blood vessels were going to burst. Fred played a flat line audio drop for Ronnie passing out. Then he brought himself back to life.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who had lost her voice. She said Ronnie needs a bachelor party. She had lost her voice so it sounded weird coming from her. Howard said he didn't think she could have a more annoying voice.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she went to Boston University like Howard did. The caller said she was there when Howard was there a couple of years ago. She said she heard one of the teachers talking about meeting with him and she was so enamored with him that she had to take a cold shower. Howard asked what she's talking about. The caller said Howard was so good with the students that she had to take a cold shower. Howard said he doubts that. He said the teacher came there and said that she got turned on by watching him with the students? She said yes. Howard said that's pretty cool. Howard asked if she can clap her ass. The caller, Nadia, said no. Howard thanked her for the call and let her go. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said it's been some day. He said that bachelor party took a lot out of him. He said he can't wait for the fans to see the party on the app. He said that he can't wait for the fans to see Fred Ronnie. Fred said he was scared for JD at the end. He said he feared his marriage was in trouble. Howard said he's not sure why they do a bachelor party. Fred said it's to see if you're tempted. Howard said they have very fine cameras on the app. He said it's all in high def. Robin said that JD had to ask the one girl to stop at the end. Howard said that means things are uncontrollable.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thought he'd never hear Howard gain after 2005. He said he just got Sirius last year and he's been listening. He said he loves the rock stations on there. Howard said maybe he should be into Hair Nation. The guy cracked up. He said that he's just on an adrenalin high from getting through. Howard let him go a short time later. Howard said that's Robin's biggest fan right there. Robin said she thought that Ronnie had run over to that guy's phone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he always thought he was tough on Ronnie until these past couple of days. He said he'd be locked up somewhere if he didn't keep him under control. Howard said they had to taze his balls to get him back down to earth. Robin said Ronnie was screaming that the girls weren't facing him. Howard said he thought the party was for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked him for inviting them into the bachelor party. He said he talked about his looks yesterday and Rob Zombie. He said he thinks he should go back to the long hair. Howard said he was evaluating his look this morning. He said he's going to let it get longer but she said he needs a hair cut. Howard said he's going with her opinion. He said he has to satisfy her. The caller said he gets it.
Howard asked if Fred likes it shorter. Fred said he never really has it short. Howard said he's not talking about really short. He just moved on.
Robin started her news with a story about Twitter giving in and banning Info Wars from their service. Robin said a bunch of other services had given in a week ago. Robin said now they way a rules violation has caused the account to go into read only. Gary said that they had linked to a video of people going to get their guns to prepare for war against the media. Howard said that guy is out of his mind. He said that they have rules and they have loose rules but you can't do that stuff. Howard said that's just the way it is. He said there isn't really free speech. He said when you work for a company you have to play by the rules. He said you can't tell people to arm up to go to war against the media. He said that's like saying there should be no laws or rules.
Howard took a call from fake Alex Jones. He spent a minute talking to him about what he's going to do with his career now. Fake Alex started selling stuff to him by doing an ad. He would ask Howard a question and then break into a commercial with a music bed playing. Howard let him go a short time later. Robin read more about Twitter dropping Alex Jones and Info Wars. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said Benjy wasn't at the bachelor party. He said he should have been there. Robin asked why he wasn't there. Howard said he's not sure. He said he never made it in there. Howard said he also wanted to play Jason Biggs' message to JD. He played that message and Jason mentioned that people say he's the guy who fucked the pie but that was fake. He said JD has done the actual shit that people bring up to him. He said he is a sick bastard. He told him to enjoy the wedding.
Robin read a story about a former Arizona police commander who allegedly used his body cam to record sex in his office. Robin said he is also accused of storing porn on his work computer. Howard said the guy has to know not to do that. He asked what the guy was thinking. Robin said he was the chief in a small town and a secretary found the sex video while conducting office business on his computer. Robin said he claims he wasn't on duty when he made the video. Howard said all you have to do is be a cop. He said just don't use the body cam for sex. Howard said some guy used his handcuffs on Robin. Robin said he didn't tape it.
Robin read a story about Sprint bringing a 5G phone to the U.S. next year. Robin said they have 5G over in China. Robin said that Sprint is putting together a new faster cellular network. Robin said the first phone will be an LG phone. Howard said we should have 10G here. Robin said that we seem to be fooling around here. Howard said we should be up to H instead of G. He said Robin is a 34G and we're nothing.
Robin read a story about Angelina Jolie accusing Brad Pitt of not paying any child support. Howard asked what's up with that. Robin said that she seems to be using that to punch him around. Robin said that Brad claims that he loaned her money and he has paid $1.5 million in expenses to take care of her and the kids. Howard said that he's not sure where he gets money. He said that he doesn't see him in anything. Robin said maybe he was a good investor. Robin said Angelina should have money too. Howard said maybe they're not as wealthy as they think. Gary said he's looking now and he has 8 movies in production. Gary went through the list of movies with Howard and Robin. Gary said there are 11 different projects listed. Howard said good. He said divorce costs you a lot of money.
Robin read a story about a kid who spent $350 on Amazon Prime after her parents gave her permission for one thing. Robin said she wanted more so she went in and bought more stuff. Robin said she's not sure what Amazon will do about that. Howard said they should tell that woman to get her kid under control.
Robin read about how Matt Lauer's wife may get $20 million in the divorce. Robin said that the question is who gets the estate in the Hamptons. Robin said they both love the house and it was Matt's dream home. Howard said he's heard that lawyers don't give a shit what your dream house is. He said just hand it over. He said it's irrelevant.
Howard said they say that Brad Pitt made $31.5 million in 2016. Robin said this is 2018. Gary said that Brad is producing every one of those 11 movies and not starring in any. Howard said he produced a bunch of things and he's still waiting for a check. He said it doesn't always work out.
Howard took a call from Chad in St. Louis who asked why he could only hear Ronnie during that bachelor party. He said maybe that's why JD didn't want him at his wedding. Howard said maybe that's it. He said JD might want to shine at the wedding and be the bride so to speak. He said he wants all of the energy on him. He said he may not even be aware of that. Chad asked if this is coming from JD or the fiancee. Howard said he thinks the fiancee has her head on straight and she may want it to be about her and JD.
Howard said he hates going to weddings. He said he ends up being the focal point if he goes. He said that everyone is staring at him instead of the bride and groom. He said they went to Bubba's wedding and Ronnie hijacked that. He said he was yelling out ''Lets fuck some whores'' at the wedding. He said think long and hard before inviting one of his guys to a wedding. Chad asked if JD is getting a gift or not. Howard said he's not invited so no. He said he thought you had to be invited to have to give a gift. Robin said that's not the case. Chad asked what his typical amount is for a wedding. Howard said he won't even say. He said that's why people invite him. He said he told his wife it's out of control. He said he must look like a piggy bank.
Howard took a call from Ralph who had some nerd news. Ralph asked if he heard that Patrick Stewart is going to play Jean Luc Picard again. Howard said he saw that like 2 weeks ago. Ralph also brought up Ruby Rose playing Batwoman. Howard said they talked about that too. He said they went over all of that stuff. Ralph said he didn't hear that. Howard said stop interrupting his show. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the guy over in London who crashed his car into a security barrier. Robin said they have identified the man and Scotland Yard says police are familiar with the guy. Robin said he is a British citizen who is originally from the Sudan.
Robin read a story about how more than 300 predator priests in Pennsylvania have been accused of molesting over 1000 children. Robin said that they say that number could be in the thousands because not everyone comes forward. Robin read more details about that and how everyone was brushed aside by the church. Howard said he's calling for an end to celibacy. He said everyone should be allowed to be priests too. He said that this is attracting the wrong people. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on that. Robin had some audio of the bishop apologizing for what happened and saying that it's not the same church it used to be.
Robin read a story about some primaries that happened yesterday. Robin said Vermont has their first transgender nominee for governor. Robin had some audio of that person speaking at some event. Howard said she just has to work on that voice. He said he thinks that's great. He said it's healthy. He said some people will have a problem with it but not him. He said he's all for it. He said just do your thing. Robin read some details of some other primaries and had some clips for Howard to play.
Howard said Ralph is on the phone with more breaking news. Ralph said Rose McGowan has accused Harvey Weinstein of molesting her. Howard said that was kind of funny actually. He told him to get off his phone.
Robin read a story about Sarah Huckabee Sanders saying that the President has lowered the unemployment for black people and he's created over 700,000 jobs. Robin said he said it was only 195,000 for Obama. Robin said she had to retract her statement and said that the Obama administration was closer to creating 3 million jobs in his 8 years. Robin said then she was asked about this N-word tape that Omarosa talked about. Robin had some audio of Sarah Huckabee Sanders saying that she can't guarantee there is no tape out there. She said has never heard any tape like that. Robin said she thought it was interesting that she said she doesn't know something. Howard had fake Sarah on the phone to talk about that. He spent a short time with her. She was telling Howard that the dog comment about Omarosa was a term of endearment. Howard had a bunch of questions for Sarah. Howard said she is so good at answering. Robin said she thinks she's starting to crack after hearing yesterday's tape.
Robin read a story about Penn Gillette who says he knows the tape exists because he was in the room when it was recorded. Howard said he's a pretty honest guy. He said he's been busting other magicians for a long time. Robin said that Penn said that he has heard him making the remarks himself. He said he's not saying specifically what was said or when because he doesn't want to misquote him. Robin said Sarah couldn't say that the tape doesn't exist. Howard played the clip of Penn leaving a message for Gary to give to Robin asking her to call him. Howard said that's a romance that never went anywhere.
Robin read a story about an apology that was issued by the Japanese emperor for their behavior during World War II. Howard said he's not sure he can accept that apology. Robin said he has said that they will never repeat that. Howard said he's not sure what they were thinking. He said they sided with the Nazis. He asked what they were thinking. He said those mother fuckers would not give up. He said the Germans surrendered and the Japanese didn't give up. Robin said they had a bunch of allies working on Germany and only we were working on Japan. Robin said Australia too but it wasn't all of our allies. Robin said Japan did get us into that war. Howard said he's not accepting that apology.
Robin read a story about the Paul Manafort trial that's going on. Robin said the jury will begin it's deliberations soon.
Robin read a story about Beatles fans rallying in New York this month because John Lennon's killer is up for parole again. Howard said he's not getting out of jail.
Robin read a story about Liev Schreiber being in court for allegations of harassment with a photographer who says he was pushed. Robin had some audio of Liev saying he never touched the guy with his body. Howard said he loves that show Ray Donovan so much. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.