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Howard was back from his week long vacation today. He started the show talking about the rest he got on vacation. Robin said he sounds like he got some rest. Howard said there's so much to talk about after being gone for a week. He said he has to talk about Ronnie's big night out on the town. He said he was at the premiere of the new Adam Sandler movie. He said he has one word in the movie. Robin asked if that's the Adam Sandler and Chris Rock movie. Howard said that's the one. Robin said she saw a lot of ads about the movie but nothing about Ronnie.
Howard said he was laying in bed on Saturday night watching the White House Correspondents dinner. He said he has so many things to talk about. He said Verne Troyer died. He said he has to talk about that. Robin said it reminded her of Hank. Howard said he has to talk about this Mike Francesa. He said he left radio and came back in the matter of a couple of weeks. Robin wondered why he didn't know he didn't want to leave. Howard said they'll talk about that.
Howard said he wrote down what happened while he was gone. He said Barbara Bush died. Robin said she did. She said it was very abrupt. She said she was surprised how fast that happened. Howard said that Tom Brokaw was accused by someone of inappropriate behavior. He said a lot of women came to his defense. Robin said they don't harass every woman. Howard said he really has a lot to talk about.
Howard said there was a guy who was shooting people and some guy grabbed the gun while he was reloading. Robin said see, you don't need a gun. Howard said that's right. He said he might be better off with a gun though. Robin said even the person with a gun gets lucky. Howard said Brent was jealous of that. He said he wants to do something like that.
Howard said that he's a big fan of Brent's and he did try to take down that serial killer. Robin said there was a comedian's wife who is taking credit for the Golden State killer. Robin said she was chasing that guy for years. Howard said that's Patton Oswalt's wife who has passed away.
Howard took a call from a guy who said after the White House Correspondents dinner they got so offended by the jokes that were told. He asked why Dennis Miller is so upset about it. Howard said he doesn't know Michele Wolf but his assessment is that she was asked to speak. He said this is typical of her. He said she's a political comedian. Howard said he's not sure why people are surprised by what she did. He said she had material that is partisan. He said she had a special where she was very critical of democrats too. He said that he listened to it and it wasn't hysterical material. He said it wasn't crafted to be that way. He said it's a take on what's going on politically. He said he heard what she said about Sarah Huckabee Sanders and it wasn't critical of her looks. He said it had nothing to do with her looks. Howard said Michele did what she was asked to do. He said that room is a nightmare from what he heard. He said he hears it's cavernous and there are people there who are sensitive. He said there was nothing offensive there.
Howard said some people took some hits but he's not sure what everyone is carrying on about. Robin said they said it was a celebration of the first amendment and then someone takes advantage of it and they get upset.
Howard said he heard that someone referred to Michele as a woman of color. He asked what she is. He said Wolf sounds kind of Jewish to him. He said he's not sure what she is. Gary said they know she's not Jewish but they're not sure what she is.
Howard said he's heard a lot about these dinners. He said that he hopes that she doesn't get talked into apologizing for anything. The caller said that Sean Spicer called it disgusting and she said ''thank you'' so she won't be apologizing. Howard said they just found out that Michele Wolf is white. He said that's the word from the guys in the back.
Howard said he heard that a reporter called her a woman of color. He said he's not sure if anyone wants to hear it but he has a little montage of her material. Howard played a clip and said he'll do that since JD worked on it.
In the clip Michele was roasting Trump and his cabinet. Howard said there's nothing that offensive in there. He said he's not sure why people are upset. The caller said that Dennis Miller was really upset. Howard said he saw someone ask ''what happened to you?'' to Dennis. Howard played more of Michele's stuff and said it's not offensive. He went through more of her jokes and said it's really not offensive. The caller was laughing at it.
Howard said there's nothing in there that's not thought provoking. He said it's kind of tame actually. Howard played a clip of Michele joking about Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Howard said that's where everyone seems to be upset. Howard went through it all and said that it's really not offensive. He said she may have joked about her weight but she was comparing her to someone in The Handmaid's Tale. Howard went through more of her material and said it's really not offensive. He said she was just talking about the way she acts. Howard said it's softball stuff. He said if you want to hear offensive he can get offensive.
Howard said people were upset with her talking about her making fun of her looks but she was talking about her makeup and this ''smoky eye'' thing Sarah does. Howard said she joked about burning facts and using the ashes to do her smoky eye. Howard said that there is nothing even mildly offensive about that. Robins said the media isn't making fun of her makeup. Howard said it's not a negative reference. He said he didn't even get the joke. He didn't know what smoky eye was.
Gary said a month ago Dennis Miller made a horrible joke about Hillary Clinton. He said he's not sure why that's okay. Howard said this whole thing is so stupid. He said Michele is doing a comedy routine. He said it's not offensive.
Howard played more of Michele's act and said there's nothing offensive about it. She had a joke about her being like an Uncle Tom for white women. Howard said that was a good line. He said that women are upset with Sarah for defending Donald Trump. Howard said that this isn't offensive. He said it might not be that funny but she's making references to what she was supposed to.
Howard played more of Michele's stuff and she was talking about how Trump could never sell all of his stuff without the media. She said they helped create this monster and they're all profiting off of him. She said Trump is so broke that he grabs pussy because he thinks there might be change in them. Howard said that's a good joke. He said that's a solid A plus joke. He said it doesn't step over any line.
Howard said that there is nothing offensive there. He said Dennis Miller shouldn't be offended. He said it's not a big deal.
Howard said she threw out that line about Flint still not having clean water. Howard said that's what people should be offended by. Robin said in this day and age you have to be outraged at everything. Howard said don't be outraged. He said there's nothing to be outraged about. He said calm down. He said don't be tricked by this fat fuck in North Korea either. He said he's a scum bag. He said he's certifiably insane. Robin said the President said he's an honorable man. Howard said believe him, there is nothing honorable about him. He said his people would cut his cock off and stuff it in his mouth.
Howard said this woman's speech was quite tame. He said it wasn't a laugh riot but it was good. He said her stand up is probably funnier. Robin said she's at a political dinner so of course she's going to make political jokes.
Robin said no one has a sense of humor. She said that Sanders had that stone look on her face. Howard said of course Michele has a political point of view. He said she was taking on everyone. Robin said she was painting all of media too. Howard said don't hire edgy people if you don't want this kind of material.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Michele was slamming Sarah for not supporting women but she was bashing a woman herself. Howard said she was hired to be a comic to roast people. Howard said stop taking comics so seriously.
The caller said that he said that she shouldn't slam women. Howard said he never said that. The caller said that Chris Cuomo said that she shouldn't have attacked a woman's looks. Howard said Chris Cuomo doesn't know what he's talking about. Howard said play the clips like he just did and hear there's nothing offensive there.
Howard said this was all jokes. He said there is nothing in there about Sarah's appearance. He said she talked about her smoky eye. The caller said she also compared her to that ugly woman on the Handmaid's Tale. Howard said he's never seen that woman. Howard said this stuff was mild and funny. He said stop the nonsense. He said like Michele said at the end, there are children drinking filthy water.
The caller said that the mainstream media is trying to play both sides of this. Howard said liberals had better get their shit together and start saying their own personal truths. He said just say what's on your mind. He said this woman has nothing to be sorry about.
Robin said the person who hired her got upset and said it was the wrong thing to do. Howard said they should lock that woman up. Howard said that includes Kim Jong Un. He said that guy isn't going to do what they think he's going to do. Howard said he's not a wonderful person. He said he's a scum bag. He said the CIA should handle things with him.
Robin said they tried to get Castro and he ended up dying of old age. Howard said that didn't make us look too good.
Howard said that his ruling is that this is a big nothing. He said if you have someone who wants to argue with you just play them this part of the show. Howard said give them a tape of this part and tell them the jokes were mildly amusing and there's nothing offensive there. He said now you don't have to waste your day on something stupid.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was at the GQ awards 20 years ago and Dennis Miller made a joke about Bill Clinton not being there because he was getting an award from Cigar Aficionado magazine. Howard said its hypocritical. He said that he's glad he got to know who Michele Wolf is from this. He said this was not offensive. He said it should have been more offensive. He said he hopes she doesn't apologize. He said that no one should be apologizing. Robin said don't have an event for the first amendment and then come down on someone for using it.
Howard said they keep calling and asking for pictures and stuff. He said he just wants to be left alone. He said he's involved in searching for pictures and archives and stuff. He said he's sending a urine and semen sample next. Howard said he asked if they're the FBI or something. He said he did the interview because he loves Dave so much. He said he took a couple of hours to talk to Dave. He said he didn't call his office asking him to do the show and sending over pictures. He said he would tell him to leave him alone.
Jeff interrupted to tell Howard that his birthday is coming up. Howard said he's the king of non sequiturs. He let Jeff go after that.
Howard said he took a week to disconnect from everything. He said he took a break from his email and all of that. Robin said he sounds like the kind of guy who is annoyed with technology. Howard said he's not annoyed by that. He said he's such a junkie for information and work. He said he tries to take a break and then he'd wondering if something is happening. He said he might need to nip something in the bud. He said that he was thinking about the Letterman thing. He said he had to respond to them about something. He said he has people asking him stuff all the time. He said he has to change his email address. He said that he said he changed it but he lied about it. Robin said she thought he was telling the truth about that. Howard said he was hoping some people would leave him alone. He said there are people who ask you for something every time they write. He said he's tired of that.
Howard said he was told that he shouldn't respond to those people but he's a decent human being and he can't do that. Howard said he had someone ask him to appear somewhere. He said he wrote back saying he can't do it. He said then they write back asking him to make a video or tweet something for them. He said at some point you can just delete them. He said he can't take it anymore. He said everyone wants something. He said he takes everything seriously though.
Robin said she had someone ask her to mention their company on the air. She said she told them no. She said she can't do it. Howard said there are some people who he appreciates but they keep barraging you with requests. He said there's too much thought going into this stuff. Robin said Howard should be honest with people. Howard said that will solve his life. Robin said she would be.
Howard took a call from Balls who asked if Beth has ever bribed him with sex to go somewhere he didn't want to go. Howard said he's waiting for her to do that. Howard said she doesn't use sex for that. He said he wouldn't be able to be married to her if she did that. He said he'd wonder who he married if she did that. Howard said it sounds like a terrible thing. Balls said he's had women do that in the past. He said that people think he'd lying when he tells the stories.
Robin said she thought there was more to that part. Howard said no there wasn't. Robin said she thought that he wasn't able to get his line right. Howard said he kept stepping on the other actors and they had to do a bunch of takes. Howard said that's why it was so funny that he kept fucking it up. He said Shuli covered it and he said you had to see this. He had just one word and kept coming in at the wrong time. Robin said that's great.
Howard said when he was leaving before vacation Ronnie said he might not go to the premiere. Howard said ''yeah right.'' He said he knew he was going. Howard said he really didn't want to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame thing but most people would want to go. He said he knew Ronnie was going to go.
Howard said when he found Ronnie he was just driving a limo. He said now he's got all of this stuff going on in his life. He said that his limo used to have Playboy mud flaps on it. He said he wishes he had tape of that conversation.
Howard said of course he asked if he went to the premiere. He said Ronnie said everyone was there and he had a great time. Howard said of course he did. He said that Stephanie loved it. He said of course she did. He said he's pissed that he said he might not go. He asked who he is, Ronnie Hefner? He said he's not sure why he'd even tell him he might not go.
Ronnie came in and said that he wasn't sure he wanted to go because he didn't have a big part in it. He said he went because it would feel weird. Howard said he was talking about how Sandler, Rock and others were there. Ronnie said David Spade, Rob Schneider, Dan Patrick and others were there. Howard said he heard that Dan Patrick talked about him on his show. Howard had a clip where Dan talked about hanging out with him.
Howard said he has to say what's with Ronnie's laugh. He said he heard he was laughing in the theater. Ronnie asked if he's not supposed to laugh. Howard said he was thinking he was laughing at the wrong things. Ronnie said get out of here. Howard said Dan did insult Ronnie a little bit. He said he spent ''way too much time'' with him. Ronnie said Dan came over to him. Howard said he was probably waiting for Ronnie to shove a champagne bottle up his ass or something.
Robin asked what he and Dan talked about. Ronnie said it was nothing. He said it was general bullshit. Howard said he had to spend time with Ronnie and he didn't sound thrilled about it. Ronnie said he doesn't remember seeing Dan in the movie. JD said he played the baseball coach. Howard asked if he had a good time. Ronnie said he had a great time at Tavern on the Green. He said they had an open bar.
Howard asked if Rock talked to him. Ronnie said he did. He said Chris was upset that Howard wasn't on last week. Howard said Chris and Adam wanted to come in. Ronnie said Chris was upset about it. Howard said they could have come in this week. Robin said they might be back in L.A. Ronnie said they invited him to come to a special they were shooting at the PAC center. He said he had something else going on though. Howard said he should have gone. Ronnie said he had something going on with his son. He said he had to go to that.
Howard said maybe he's getting too big to drive him now. Ronnie said no. Howard said Richard Roeper reviewed his appearance. Howard had a clip of Richard talking about Ronnie's appearance in the movie. He gave him a solid B+ for his one line. He said he had some Ronnie references in the movie but he played Pall Bearer number 5 in the movie. He said it's like Tony Stark in Iron Man. He said he had two roles basically. Richard told him to keep at it.
Howard said he loves the review because he said the second syllable was an improvement on the first. Ronnie said he must have missed him because he was in two other scenes. Howard said that it was weird because they didn't know who he was and how he was related to the other characters. Ronnie said blame Smigel.
Howard said Ronnie was out there doing his thing with the stars from the movie. He said that he turned them down to do the stand up thing. Ronnie said that Rob Schneider gave him his number and told him to call if he could come.
Howard asked if ''morons'' is going to become his new catch phrase. Ronnie said no.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was horrible in the movie. He asked whose cock he had to suck to get that role. Howard asked what's up with his phone. He said they can't make out a word. Howard said his phone keeps cutting out. The caller said he was just horrible in it. He said the whole movie was horrible. He said Chris Rock was horrible in it. He said he wasn't even funny. Howard said Roger Ebert wants to review the movie. He took the call from the guys in the back who were doing weird computer voice thing with a British accent. Howard cut them off.
Howard said Ronnie is Pall Bearer number 5 in the movie. He said he's also Ronnie the Limo Driver in it. He played a song parody about Ronnie after that.
Howard asked Ronnie about stepping on the guy's line when he was shooting it. Ronnie said that he would say the word too fast. Howard said he heard that Steve Buscemi yelled at him. Ronnie said he had to keep carrying the coffin so he was pissed. Howard asked if he talked to him. Ronnie said he did. He said he didn't yell at him.
Ronnie said he spent some time talking to David Spade. Howard wondered what they talk about. Ronnie said David talked to Stephanie more than him.
Shuli came in and said that Buscemi yelled at Ronnie to let the guy say his line before he says his line. Robin said you have to listen to the other actors. Ronnie said they called him and not her. He said he never sees her in any movies.
Howard asked if anyone asked him to talk about chicks. Ronnie said no. Howard asked what the general bullshit talk is about. Ronnie said it's just ''hey how are you doing'' and stuff like that.
Howard asked if Adam Sandler talked to him. Ronnie said he did. He said he came walking in and he was standing there and Adam came right up to him and shook his hand. He said he said hello to Stephanie too. Howard asked if he had any small talk about doing his next movie or anything. Ronnie said no.
Howard asked if Dan Patrick talked to him about sex tips and stuff. Ronnie said no. He said that no one did.
Ronnie said he really wasn't sure if he was going to go to the premiere. He said he didn't decide until 4:30 that day.
Ronnie said he has something he's doing in June where he'll be driving a race car. He said he may have talked to Dan Patrick about that. He said he's not sure. He doesn't remember. Howard said he's interested in what he talked about but he doesn't know what he talked about. Ronnie said he didn't want to take up too much of his time. He said he just had a few discussions and then left the guy alone.
Howard asked if Spade was there alone. Ronnie said he was. He said there were plenty of hot chicks there. He said he had Stephanie with him so he had her to talk to. He said they went home and had some fun after that. Howard asked if he has tried out that new dildo. Ronnie said kind of. He said it was too big for him. He said that it's not workable. Howard said it had too much girth. Ronnie said he gave up after an inch. Howard said that's an inch too much.
Howard asked Ronnie what happened with it. Ronnie said they never got it into her. He said he was screaming too loud. Howard asked if it was a big thumb's down for that one. Ronnie said it was. Howard said he imagines it shooting across the room like a dart. Shuli asked what he says when he puts it in. Ronnie said ''that's enough.'' He said that she was pouring lube on it and trying to put it in. He said he was done and that was it.
Howard asked if she was cork screwing it in there. Ronnie said she was pouring lube on it like ketchup. Howard asked how long it took. Ronnie said it wasn't that long. He said that wasn't the same night of the premiere.
Howard said Adam should have made his movie and then filmed Ronnie doing his thing and then made that into a movie. Ronnie said people did mention his sex tips but didn't get into a big discussion about it. He said Dan Patrick's producer and his wife were there and she said that she's a big fan. He said that made him comfortable being there. He said he only had one line in the movie so he felt weird being there.
Shuli asked how long of a clean up process it was after the lube. Ronnie said it was immediate. He said he got out of bed and he cleaned up. Ronnie said he saw Stephanie cleaning it off with some wipes or some shit. Howard did an impression of Ronnie telling his stories from the premiere. Fred was doing that too.
Howard asked when Ronnie tried the dildo. Ronnie said they did that on Friday night. He said they went out and they were both trashed. He said they had a Karaoke thing there. Howard said he might have to send Shuli out with him every night. Ronnie said they were having a big party at this place and they kept the Karaoke guy there. Ronnie said they went out to dinner with some people and this dude was there. He said it was like 11 o'clock when they were getting ready to close down. He said one of the guys from the show ''Kevin can Wait'' was there and he was singing with him. Howard said there are celebrities everywhere with him.
Howard asked what Ronnie sang. Ronnie said he did his song... Sweet Caroline. Howard said he doesn't know his song. Ronnie said he does it every year. He said he did ''Livin' on a Prayer'' too.
Howard said he has some audio of Ronnie doing ''Runaround Sue.'' He played some audio of that from their Christmas party. Howard played a Ronnie song parody too. Howard had some of Ronnie singing ''Sweet Caroline.'' Howard said that's why he leaves the party early.
Howard asked Ronnie more about going out to dinner and found out he spends hours there. Howard said he and Beth go out and they're in and out in 28 minutes. Howard said he'd kill himself if he was out that long. Ronnie said he was there for 3 hours. Howard asked if they run out of steam. Ronnie said the owner of the restaurant asked him to stay but he was going to leave but then he got introduced to Lenny and stayed there until 1 in the morning.
Howard asked about the dildo and how that comes up. Ronnie said it was kind of mutual. He said she put on a porno movie and she said he could do whatever he wanted to do. Howard asked if he just gets ready for it himself. Ronnie said he does. He said he gets on his back and he's ready to go. He said he cleaned up a little bit before. He said he did some wipe things back there.
Howard said he had a whole night of pasta and drinking. Ronnie said you know when something wants to peak out. He said he was ready to go. Howard said then Stephanie walks over and he's in the bed. Ronnie said that his head was spinning a little bit. He said that she lubed it up and she knew what to do. Howard asked if he had a boner. Ronnie said he had Whisky dick at the moment. He said she was trying to relax him though. Robin asked if she tried anything other than that. Ronnie said he doesn't remember. He said he she was trying to put it in and she was pouring the lube onto the thing. He said that she couldn't get it in. He said that was the end of it. He said she only got about an inch in there. He said he was pretty relaxed too. He said it just didn't go in. Howard said what a night he had. Ronnie said they fucked after that. He said he had to clean up first. He said she had that fucking thing in the bathroom. He said he's not going to try that thing again.
Howard said he loves that people think Michele Wolf is offensive. He said this is offensive. Howard asked Ronnie how thick the cock thing should be. Ronnie said not too thick.
Howard said he loves that it looked like ketchup. Ronnie described it again. Howard played a song parody about Ronnie and went to break after that.
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Howard said he loves phony phone calls. He said they're such gems. He said he's going to call in and thank everyone for the calls. He called himself talking about how much he loves phony phone calls and loves the show. He had a conversation with himself about what he was wearing and how big his cock was too.
Howard said people accuse him of dying his hair but its starting to gray. He said he noticed it down in Florida. Howard said he has to take another break and then get to Verne Troyer's death. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard said they had Verne on the show in 2005 and he had a good talk with him. He had some clips of Verne talking to him about what he used to do before doing his stunt work. Howard said he claimed he got a lot of women.
Howard asked why Jeff the Drunk can't work if Verne could work. He said that he wrapped candy. Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he can't wrap candy. He said he only has one hand. Howard said he could do customer service. Jeff said he's not looking for a job. Howard said he wouldn't want him wrapping his candy anyway. Jeff said it's snowing up there in Albany County. Howard said that's crazy. He said New York City is warm today. Jeff said it's going to be 80 up there later in the week. Jeff said it won't stick. He said that's his point.
Howard said Verne talked about his first movie where he played a baby and did stunts for the baby.
Howard said Verne's big break was in the Austin Powers movies. Howard said he was so good at it. He said he became a big star from it. Verne talked about how people pat him on the head and he hates that. Howard said he really felt for the guy. He said he goes through similar stuff. He said people light him on fire when they meet him.
Howard said Verne was in the Writer's Guild, the Screen Actor's Guild and Lollipop guild all at once.
Howard said Verne was responsible for this one sound drop where he made a weird sound on The Surreal Life. Howard played a clip from that show where he was drunk and made this ''Eruh'' sound. Howard said that was the weirdest sound ever. He said it sounded like he was having a mini orgasm. He said he's sure Mark Cronin got off on that. He said that they also had Chyna, Adrienne Curry and Christopher Knight met. He said she was all excited about that and he didn't get that at all.
Howard said that Verne dated a woman who was exposed by TMZ when they found a sex tape. Howard had some audio of the woman talking about what it's like to have sex with him.
Howard had more clips of Verne talking about what it's like for him to have sex and how he had a large penis. Robin wondered where he put it if it was that big.
Howard said they talked to Verne about going into rehab in 2008. He said they say that he was having a tough time recently and he may have been suicidal. Howard said no cause of death has been revealed yet. Howard played more audio of Verne talking about his drinking and how he could quit if he wanted to. Howard said he didn't believe him back then.
Howard said he did learn about drinking and how he liked getting the buzz. He said he was told he had a sensitive liver and he had to cut back. He said his blood tests are on the right track now.
Howard said drinking for him is social. He said he enjoys the social aspect of it. He said he can't get comfortable drinking out there.
Howard said Mike was a successful guy and he retired late last year. Gary said he went on a year long retirement tour before he retired. Howard said that Mike was told that they were going to pay him the same $3 million a year and Mike turned it down. He said the whole story they may not ever know. Then this past week they announced they're hiring him back. He said it was the shortest retirement ever. Howard said that the three guys who replaced him didn't do so well in the ratings but that's not a shock. He said that they need time to build it up. Howard said that never happened to them though. He said they're the anomaly.
Robin said it might not have taken a ratings book but they got some irate calls when they took over in markets.
Howard said he heard that Mike has 12 year old kids. He said that guy doesn't want to be home with them. Gary said Mike kept saying he had something big coming up but then nothing ever came of it.
Howard said a lot of people are nuts. He said that it might have been a total miscalculation. Mariann said that all of his guys are freaking out about Howard maybe retiring. Howard didn't want to talk about it so he let Mariann go.
Gary came in and said they were going to work on an afternoon show aimed at younger people and then Mike wanted to come back. He said he went to the company and they wanted to put Mike back on. He gave Howard all of the details about moving shows around and all of that. He had details about the other guys at the station too.
Howard said it's so weird. He said he has Mike on the phone now. He picked up and had Sour Shoes doing his Mike Francesa voice. Sour Mike was talking about what he was thinking when he decided to come back.
Howard said Mike is so fascinating and not long winded at all. Howard asked if retirement was awful or what. Mike said he had no outlet to talk about sports at all. He said he went on a podcast if you can believe it. Sour Mike was going on and on so Howard cut him off and let him go.
Howard asked Gary if he likes Mike. Gary said he doesn't listen to it that much. Howard asked Gary about some of the other stuff going on with the station over there. Gary said that Mad Dog Russo was going off about the Chris Carlin show and they were on the Wrap Up Show together. He said it got kind of weird there for a while.
Howard said Mark Chernoff must feel undermined over there. He has to do what the GM wants him to do. Gary said he thinks that Mike is starting today. He said that he says he wanted to show how great he actually is over there. Howard said he loves that everyone there is honest about how they feel about each other. He said he loves that Boomer Esiason is vocal about how he feels.
Howard said he kind of digs the radio dynamic when everyone hates each other. He said they had this WMCA station and they had Bob Grant and Alex Bennett on and they hated each other. He said that's what he loved about the station. He said it was intriguing.
Howard Mike is actually returning tomorrow afternoon. Gary said the best was when Mike and Mad Dog were doing a show together. He said he listened for a while and they were trying out people with Mike and they figured he was best on his own. Robin said the best was when they were on together. She said it was the arguing that made it great.
Howard asked who Mad Dog fights with there. Gary said he seems pretty happy there. Gary said the rumor is that Mike wanted to come there but the money wasn't good enough. Howard said they have to bring in subscribers to get paid well there. Howard said if the company believed that Rush Limbaugh could bring in a million subscribers they'd pay him a ton of money. He said they don't need him there though. He said they need new subscribers so they have to bring in people who will bring them in.
Howard said that they brought in Oprah and she wouldn't even show up. He said they give her 50 mill to start a channel and that's nothing to her. He said she's a billionaire and that's not that much to her. Gary said she didn't even have to be there.
Howard said they got rid of Martha Stewart too. He said that she wasn't bringing in subscribers. Howard said it's like doing a podcast compared to radio. He said that's like some kid acting in a school play and saying they're in the same business as Meryl Streep. He said it's not the same thing. Howard said the key is to make some money at it. He said what's the up side of doing something where you don't get paid.
Robin said she has some friends who do podcasts. She said they always ask her to do the shows. Gary said everyone has a podcast and they all have to do each other's podcasts. Howard said he gets that with a comedian. He said it's promotion for them. He said it's an endless loop of podcasts that no one hears. He said everyone asked why he's putting them down but it's not a business. He said he was on college radio and he never said he was on radio. He said his college station went to the dorms. He said that was it.
Howard took another call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Mad Dog Russo impression talking about Mike Francesa. Howard spent a minute with him.
Howard said that Benjy wants to argue with him about podcasts. He let him come in. He said he has blown up so big. He said he looks bigger than ever. He said his arms can't rest at his side. Benjy said he didn't sleep well last night. Howard said he shouldn't wear checks on his shirt. He said he's gotten so heavy. He said that his bicep rests against his fat. Benjy said he didn't sleep well and he can't hold himself in.
Howard said he heard his staff did CPR training over the vacation and he admires that. He said he heard Benjy was so worn out from doing it. He said it's not that tough for someone who isn't overweight. Benjy said it was a workout for him.
Howard asked what he wanted to say about podcasts. Benjy said he said it's a waste of time but it's not. Howard said it's not a waste of time but they're not in the same businesses as him. Benjy said there are some who are making money in it. Howard asked who he knows. Benjy said Joe Rogan and Marc Maron. Howard said he could argue that they had a following already. He said Joe Rogan was on a hit network TV show and he works at MMA fights. Benjy said there are people who are known now who are known from podcasting. Howard asked if they're making money doing it. Howard said it's fine if they are. He said he's not sure why he's arguing with him. He told him to get out.
Benjy said Howard enjoys painting in water color. Howard said he does. Benjy asked why someone can't enjoy podcasting. Howard said just don't say you're in the same business as him.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said it's a nightmare for her when Benjy is in there. Howard said it's enough of this.
Howard asked what Benjy's point is. He said he wants to be free of this. Benjy was trying to compare podcasting to Howard's painting but Howard kicked him out. He said he has to lose weight. Robin said there are millions or lots of artists who never make money. Howard said they have other jobs. Benjy said Howard should embrace it and do water color if he wants to be an artists. Howard said he finally left.
Howard said Benjy used to do Periscope and that doesn't make you a TV star. He said it's not the same thing. Robin said Justin Bieber used to perform in malls and YouTube. Howard said he was like when he was starting out at WRNW. Howard said do whatever makes you happy. Robin said it was a job. Howard said it was. He said Bon Jovi used to clean up the couch at his uncle's recording studio. He said you have to get started somewhere. He said if you start in podcasting that's fine but you have to move into a real job. He went to break a short time later.
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Howard asked JD to come in and talk about these clips. Howard asked how his vacation was. JD said it was fine. He asked if he did anything good. JD said he went out to dinner and stuff. He said he was at work or home. Howard played a song parody about JD after that.
Howard said that song parody should be his wedding song. He said his wedding is coming up this summer. JD said he's sure he'll get nervous as it gets closer.
Howard asked JD if it's all set who is coming to the wedding. JD said he thinks it is. Howard said he probably wants to lock her down. JD said she wants everything to be nice. He said she got hair extensions and they were wrong so she got upset about that. JD said he's getting his tux in June. He said he's not sure if it'll be a tux or a suit. He said he hasn't picked one out. He said it's going to be gray. He said it will probably be a suit.
Howard said he heard his fiancee is getting in shape for the wedding. JD said he's trying to as well. He said that he'd rather not get into it. He said he has been doing push ups and sit ups. He said he's doing 60 push ups and 120 sit ups. He said he's doing them in sets. Howard said at least he's doing something. Howard played another JD song parody after that.
Howard asked JD to do 10 sit ups now. JD said he'd rather not do it in there. JD said he can do push ups. Howard said forget about it. Gary asked how many he does in a set. JD said he does 20. JD got on the floor and did some sit ups for them. JD did a bunch and he laughed through them. Howard told him not to shit his pants. JD did 10. Robin said he did them easily. Howard said he didn't put his hands behind his head. He had them on his belly.
JD did some push ups too. Howard said he's turning so red he's looking bi racial. Howard said he reminds him of Jane Fonda. He said he's JD Fonda.
Howard said JD is getting into shape. He said he's like GI JD. He asked if he's okay. JD said he's fine. Howard said he's in better shape than the rest of the crew. He said that he looks exhausted. JD was out of breath.
Howard said he wanted to play the clips that JD pulled. He said they're sports radio guys fighting. He had some audio of Ian Rapaport so he asked JD to remind him of who that is. Howard took a call from Ralph who told JD to buy a nice suit instead of renting one. He said he should stop with the McDonald's stuff too. JD said he's not eating McDonald's.
Howard asked if he has cut to McDonald's completely. JD said he's eating Chipotle. He told Howard what he's been eating there lately. Ralph asked why he's eating that when he could just eat healthy and not worry about the push ups and sit ups.
JD said he had bad diarrhea after eating McDonald's one time so he stopped. He said he's eating chips and stuff out of the vending machine for breakfast. Howard said that's a lot of calories. He said they call them empty calories. He said that he's better off eating a baked potato.
JD told Howard more about what he's been eating and how he's trying to cut back on eating between meals and things like that. Robin asked if he's wearing a light gray or dark gray suit. JD said probably light. Howard said he'll look like an elephant. JD said that his fiancee wants him to wear gray. Howard said he hopes the mice don't eat through hit this time. JD said he found the holes in that one on his way to a wedding.
Howard let Ralph go and asked if JD wants him to go with him. JD said he'll text him if he wants him. He doesn't think he does.
Howard said JD was explaining who Ian Rapaport is. JD tried to tell Howard who it is but he had trouble getting it out. Howard said this guy hung up on a sports host in Washington DC. Howard played the clip and Ian hung up as soon as this other sports guy picked up. The guy said that's the second time that guy has done that to him. He said that guy is a douche. This was Chad Dukes going off on Ian.
Howard said that's the kind of sports radio he can sit through. He said he has another clip of Chad Dukes going on for 30 minutes about Ian. He played more of Chad going off on Ian and this was like a half hour later.
Howard said he was really pissed. He said he must have planned the show around the guy. Howard said then Ian Rapaport called in to apologize and he asked for one in return. He wasn't having it though. Howard played the clip and Ian said he wanted to apologize. He did that and then Ian asked if Chad had something to say to him. Chad didn't apologize to him for what he said.
Howard said that was good. He said he has two Houston sports guys arguing on radio row at some event. Howard said Seth Payne was in the middle of an interview with another sports reporter. He said another guy comes over and starts recording the interview. Howard said Seth gets upset with the guy. Gary said this was in the Mall of America so everyone was watching. Howard played the clip and Seth went off on the guy for recording them.
Howard said he doesn't know who is fighting who but it's fun. Howard played more of the arguing. Howard asked if that was Seth Payne. JD said it is.
Howard said this is good. JD said the guest was sitting there through all of this. Howard played more of them going off on each other about ratings and stuff like that.
Howard said that's so good. Howard said the guest walked off the show. He played more audio of the guys arguing and the guest walking off.
Howard said just yell at each other. He said that's good radio. Howard said they started that radio row thing. He said that they used to show up and no one else was there. Then the other stations all started showing up. Howard said he would get pissed off about them taking over his event. Robin said then they were getting all of the guests and the guests wouldn't show up on their show.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were doing an impression of the fighting sports guys.
Howard asked JD about this Russian radio fight. JD said they were fighting and actually throwing punches. Howard said now you're talking. He played the clip where the guys were speaking in Russian and they end up throwing punches.
Howard said he could listen to that. He asked how that's even a language. He told JD he did a good job there. He said maybe he'll send Shuli out with him to shop for the suit. He asked if he's getting married in June. JD said it's in August. Howard asked what his waist size is. JD said he wears a 38. Howard asked how that's possible. JD didn't know. Howard played another song parody about JD before he went to break.
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Howard said he used to say that Donald Trump was the best guest on the show. He said he was so great because he was so honest. He said that over the weekend he admitted he didn't have time to shop for Melania's birthday. He said that you'd think he'd get her something for her birthday but not Donald. He said that he didn't get her anything. He said he was playing golf for 5 hours the other day. Howard said if he was messing around with Stormy Daniels he'd be sure to get something for his wife. Howard said Trump just said he was too busy. Howard said he was great that way. He said Dennis Rodman was great too. He was cheating on Carmen Electra and she caught him and he just claimed the woman fell out of the ceiling.
Robin said that Dennis is saying that he helped us by explaining Donald to Kim Jong Un. Howard said Donald should have gotten her a Steven Singer rose at least.
Howard played Robin into her news with a song parody to the tune of an Avicii song. Robin started her news with a story about DJ Avicii dying. Howard said he was watching American Idol and the three judges they have are like the worst ever. He said they won't say anything negative. He said you have to do that. Howard said they had these kids singing their solo songs and they were all awful. He said none of the judges tell them they're awful. He said they weren't even in key. Howard said he watches for Katy Perry for her outfits. He said he likes the short dresses.
Robin said that Avicii had trouble being famous. She said all of the stuff that came with the fame caused him anxiety. Howard said he loves being famous. He said he had a problem not being famous. He said most people become comfortable being famous. He said that he'd walk into a room and no one would talk to him. Not even the overweight women. He said it was bad. Robin said that they say Avicii's death was a suicide. Howard said he was dating a model. He said that should make you happy. He said that he's unhappy a lot of the time but then he looks at his wife and it cheers him up. Robin said Avicii had announced he was retiring from touring. Howard said look at his girlfriend. He said she's really hot. Robin had some of his music to play. Howard had to turn it off. He said it sucks. He said no offense to Avicii. Robin said he can't hear him anyway. Howard said this girlfriend was so hot. He wondered if she's going to get his money. Robin said they weren't married. Howard spent a few minutes talking about how he wanted to be famous and what a tough time he had before he was. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Michele Wolf's speech at the White House Correspondents dinner. Robin said that Howard went through it at the start of the show and found nothing offensive. Robin said that she has a lot of people defending her now. Robin had some audio of some people doing that. Howard took another call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Mike Francesa impression again.
Robin read a story about Bill Cosby being found guilty. Robin said he could get 30 years in prison. Robin said they say he could die in jail. She said that some are saying that he won't spend a day in jail. Robin said he will be sentenced in 75 days and he's out until then. Robin said one of the jurors is saying that it was Cosby's own words that convinced him he was guilty. Robin said that Cosby is going to appeal this case and there are PR people out there arguing for Bill. Robin had an example of one of those PR people bad mouthing the victims. Howard took a call from fake Bill Cosby who wanted to comment as well. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how Tom Brokaw was accused of being inappropriate with coworker's. Howard said a lot of women were coming to his defense. Howard said they were saying that it's impossible for him to be that way. Howard said he's not sure why that is. Robin had some details about the woman who claims she was sexually harassed in the 1990s. Robin had some details on that. Howard said that more than 100 women signed a document defending Tom.
Howard said Robin gave a comment to the Daily News about the Cosby case. He said they were scooped. Howard said he realized he had nothing to ask Robin after that. Robin said she had just learned about the verdict and she got a phone call from a friend who works there and she knew she was going to catch hell for it. Howard said this is like JD tweeting that he got engaged. Gary said Robin was very hard on JD for tweeting about that. Howard said he forgives Robin for this. Robin said that he was convicted days ago. Howard said he loves that the Daily News contacted her immediately. Robin said they're on top of things. She said things were perplexing to her. Howard said Robin went on Bubba's show and revealed she broke up with Mr. X. He said that was wrong. He said she should have saved it for this show.
Howard said Mike Francesa wants to talk about Cosby. He had Sour Shoes back on the phone commenting about the Cosby case. Howard said he obviously isn't just a sports guy. Howard said he has Tom Brokaw on the phone so he has to hang up on him. Howard let Sour go and took a call from Tom Brokaw audio clips that the guys in the back were playing. They had him saying some crazy stuff they edited together with audio clips from an audio book.
Robin read a story about Ann Curry talking about the Matt Lauer controversy. Robin said Curry claims that she reported something to NBC years ago about Matt after a coworker complained to her. She said nothing was done back then though. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the President commenting on the Michele Wolf speech. Robin said that Trump is saying she really bombed. Robin said Trump recommended that Greg Gutfeld host next year. Robin said others are saying that the dinner should end. Robin said Trump said this morning that this was an embarrassment for our country. Howard said how about getting Carrot Top to host. He said he does non offensive material.
Robin read a story about the President hosting a Paralympics event and he said something. Robin had some audio of him saying that it was hard to watch and he watched as much as he could. Howard said he has to stop being president and just come on this show. Howard said that's honesty. He said that's why he loved him on the show.
Robin read a story about Michael Avenatti, the lawyer for Stormy Daniels, saying that the President and his people have made a critical mistake in their case. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Howard said he thinks that Robin would be attracted to that guy. Robin said he is an attractive man. Howard said he knew it. Howard said he still can't find any Stormy Daniels stuff on YouPorn. He said he was on two times last night. He said he has needs.
Robin read a story about Ronnie Jackson who is the President's personal doctor. Robin said Jackson has said that he's more sane than anyone in the country. She said that the President tried to give him another job but now they say that Jackson has withdrawn his name after allegations of workplace misconduct have come out.
Howard asked if anyone has seen Stormy Daniels porn. He said that he can't find any. Robin said you'd think something would come up.
Robin read a story about how many American's are siding with the people who wanted to come across the border this weekend. Howard said he feels for those people. He said they used to take people in. He said he feels for them because he thinks about his relatives. Robin said Howard wouldn't be sitting there if they didn't take them in. He said that they're desperate times. He said there are so many evil dictators out there and he feels for these people. Howard said how about sticking them up in Alaska. Robin said there are a lot of empty spaces in this country. She said they could put them there. Howard said he does feel for them. He said the world is so fucked up. Howard said that's why he wouldn't want to be president. He said that you can't solve all of those problems.
Robin read a story about Jeff Bezos and his firm Blue Origin that tested a rocket over the weekend. Robin said that she has a complaint about Amazon. She said they're raising the price of Prime. She said that her packages have not been arriving on time lately. Howard said she might not be ordering prime products. Robin said her stuff is prime and it shows up a day late.
Howard had Sour Shoes as Mike Francesa back on the phone. He didn't last time this time. Howard hung up after he made a joke about Stormy Daniels being in a film with a horse. Howard said she's not into bestiality.
Robin read a story about the new season of Dancing with the Stars. She told Howard who will be on this season. Howard said he thought it was on last night. JD said it wasn't. Howard said he swears he saw something on last night with dancing.
Robin read a story about Cynthia Nixon not releasing her tax returns even though she's running for Governor of New York. Robin said she says she's not releasing them because she filed for an extension. Howard said they were going to make him release his when he ran.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started the show talking about how he loves the ''Hey now'' clip that Fred was playing. He said that guy was up for some sex charges or something. Robin said he went back to Arrested Development. She said the cast members there surrounded him with support. Howard said he had to leave that Transparent show though. Robin said he did. Howard said he can't keep track. He said all he knows is ''Hey now!'' He said that's the best. He said there are some people around there who won't say it. He said he'll say it to someone and they won't say it back. Robin said she won't say it. She said she's not sure why she would.
Howard said he knows a guy from Mexico and he has the accent and says ''Hey Now'' with the accent. He said that guy loves it. He said he doesn't think Jon Hein would say it. He said he's not sure JD will say it either. JD said he'd say it. He said he loves it too. Howard said he loves it. He said Fred just gives him the finger when he says it to him.
Howard said there are some people who won't say it and he thinks it's Jon Hein. Fred said you have to do it like 4 times and he'll give it up. Howard said it's fun to get into it. He said if you're sad you can say it sad and then there's the happy ''Hey now.'' He said there are different meanings.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said ''Great coogly moogly.'' Howard said he's wrong there. Bobo said that he's right. He said Scott Shannon used to say it all the time. Howard said it's ''Googly moogly.'' Howard said he's wrong again and it's a bad intro. Robin said it's a greeting, not a intro. Howard said Bobo is a weirdo. He said he's so into the show and he leaves voicemails for the show. He said he does bits. He said he sits at home and calls in. He said it's really annoying and weird. He said he's not sure what he's up to. He must just want air time. Bobo said he just loves the show. He said he can't stop.
Howard said he has tape of Bobo calling in and he's going to play that. He asked Bobo if he has anything to talk about. Bobo said his topic for today is... Howard asked why he has to say that it's his topic. He said just ask a question. Bobo asked Howard about a judge saying that a bar threw out a guy for wearing a Trump cap and he's wondering what Howard has to say about that. Howard said he's got the story all wrong. He said he has to explain it now.
Howard said a guy walked into a bar and he is wearing a Trump cap that says Make America Great Again. He said the guy said he was thrown out for wearing the cap but the owner of the bar says he was antagonizing the employees. Howard said if someone is out of line they get thrown out. He asked Gary if he has the story right. Gary said the guy claimed that he was kicked out for the cap but the owner said it was because he was giving the employees a hard time. Howard said he wouldn't care what you were wearing if you were in his bar. Howard said the guy isn't looking to alienate Trump supporters.
Howard said bars are built for being an asshole. He said the guy is saying he's going to sue the bar now. He said the judge said if you walk into a bar wearing that cap then the guy can thrown him out. He said they have the right to do that.
Howard said he thinks he's answered Bobo's queries. Robin asked if Bobo absorbed those answers. Howard was doing his impression of Bobo with his weird speech pattern. Gary just repeated what Howard told him and he had to check his microphone. Howard told him not to get closer to it. Gary said he hasn't moved. Howard had him keep saying ''testing'' over and over. He played a Baba Booey song parody after that.
Howard said here's Bobo with his voicemails. Robin asked what he called up about. Howard said he had some fake anger in this call. He said he's angry about something but you know he's not. He said he had a problem with his Facebook account on his phone. He said he's not even angry. Bobo said he really was angry. In the clip Bobo said he almost put his Samsung Galaxy S noine through the wall. He said he's really upset about it. He was sniffing a lot too. Howard pointed that out. Bobo was complaining about the passwords too. Howard said he was all angry. He said he's a douche.
Howard said he had the sniffing thing going. Bobo said he never should have listened to people about having more than one password. He said you just need one good one. Howard and Fred did their Bobo voices and sounded like two Elmer Fudds. Howard said he'd bet his password is ''password.''
Howard asked what's up with the sniffing. Bobo said he thinks it's an allergy. Howard said it's after he makes a point. He said he does it like Barney Fife on Andy of Mayberry. He said he was kind of limited on intelligence. Bobo asked if he's saying he's kind of limited. Howard said ''Well...''
Howard said this next clip is Bobo calling in again. He said he used the word ''entranced'' and he didn't know if it was a real word or not. He said you can hear him trying to figure out the English language. Howard played the clip and Bobo was talking about Robert O'Neal's book and said ''entranced'' but he wasn't sure if it was even a word. Howard said they're going to try to figure out what he was trying to say. Bobo said he was enthused. Howard asked what he was really trying to say. Bobo said he was captivated. Howard said it was something like entranced but it wasn't that word. He said there's a real word close to that. Bobo said he was so entranced. Howard said the word he was trying to find was ''enchanted.'' Bobo said that's it. Howard and Fred did their Elmer Fudd voices and goofed on Bobo some more.
Howard had Shuli come in to have Bobo define some words. He said if you liked ''entranced'' then you'll love these. Howard said Shuli has gotten a lot of air time lately because of Ronnie. He said that Ronnie lets him know that. Howard asked if he's been talking to Ronnie. Shuli said he has. He said they talked over the weekend. Howard asked if he taped it. Shuli said they apologized to each other. He said that he likes Ronnie and he hopes he likes him. He said they said they were sorry so they're back to normal.
Howard said Shuli has an acting role on a TV show. Shuli said this Executive Producer got Eric the Actor on Legit and got Ronnie in something a while back. He said they have him as the voice of a news guy on SWAT. Howard said he would never think of Shuli as reading the news. Shuli said he only did it there for 8 years. Howard said he thought he did a good job on SWAT. Howard played a clip. You can hear Shuli doing the news anchor voice in the background.
Howard said the guy talked right over his part. Howard asked how many takes it was. Shuli said it was one take and something added to it. Howard asked if he got paid. Shuli said he did. He said he thinks whatever he gets is fine. Howard said it's weird that they asked him to be a news man. Howard said Shuli covered the craptacular there. He said he's not Walter Cronkite. He said come on. He said he did fine though.
Howard asked what words he has for Bobo. Shuli had him spell and define ''thesis.'' Howard told him not to look it up. Bobo used it in a sentence. Howard had him saying ''feces'' instead of ''thesis.'' Bobo said he turned in his thesis to his college professor. Bobo spelled it ''Thesisis.'' Howard said he nailed that one. Bobo said he knew he had that. Howard said he came closer to spelling ISIS than Thesis.
Shuli asked him to spell and define conceptually. Howard said he's not going to know that. He said he should give him another one. Bobo said he's a good speller but these are ridiculous.
Shuli gave him ''strand'' and he used it as ''there are different strands of the flu.'' Howard said he had it down. Shuli said he does this all the time. Howard said he should try that again. Bobo did and he didn't get what was wrong with it. Bobo still didn't get it even after Howard told him he was wrong. Howard asked if he wants him to tell him why. Bobo said go ahead. Howard said he can do it. He said don't give up so easily.
Howard had him try ''strand'' again. Bobo tried it again and said having the flu he got tested and he did come up having the flu and it was one strand that put him over the edge. Howard said there is a ''strain'' of flu. Bobo said that sounds better now. Howard said now that he knows that, try using that word. He said use it in anything. Howard used it as ''my strain is clogged with hair.'' Bobo said there are millions of strains in the united states. Robin asked strains of what? Howard said he strained his ankle when he did hoola hoop.
Howard asked Bobo if he wants to try strain or strand now. Bobo tried ''strained'' by saying he was running and ''strained'' his ankle. Howard and Robin laughed. Howard asked how he's getting through life. Robin asked how he did. Bobo said he did ''wery well.''
Howard said he has another clip of Bobo calling in and leaving a voicemail. He said this one is his favorite. He said he won't tip you off on what he says wrong. Howard played the clip and Bobo was talking about wearing something on his head so he doesn't get a chemical reaction in the ''hair folicules.'' Howard asked how he spells that. Bobo said ''Foicles.'' Howard said that's wrong. He goofed on Bobo about spelling it wrong and saying it wrong. He wasn't close on either. Howard asked if he should tell him what it is. Bobo said he should.
Howard said he should never start a sentence with ''that's easy.'' He said he never gets it right if he does. Howard asked what happened in school. He asked if he was a laughing stock. Bobo said he scored great on his SATs. He said he got like a 900. Howard said he had a B in lunch. Bobo said he did well in classes.
Howard said Bobo said that his elementary school teacher hated him. Bobo said he did say that. Howard said she probably hated him because he was so frustrating. Howard asked why she said she hated him. Bobo said he didn't sit still and he didn't have his attention span on the work. Bobo said he was easily distracted and a problem child. Shuli asked what he was putting his attention on. Bobo said he was playing with Dick Tracy toys.
Howard asked at what grade things became difficult. Bobo said 7th grade. He said he took French 1 and 2 and he got out of school early. He said he got 21 credits and he got to get out of school early. He said he took French and he loved that. He doesn't remember anything but his name.
Howard said he has another voicemail from Bobo. He said listen to him try to say this word. He said this is the best. In the clip Bobo was talking about Sean Hannity and he said he used an interesting word. He said it was ''Apopileptic.'' Howard said he gave up on it. Bobo tried to use it in a sentence. Bobo was saying he was overcome with anger and he's ''apopileptic'' over it. He said he's never heard the word and he's not sure how to use it in a sentence. Robin said he's watching Hannity to learn something and he has no idea what it is.
Howard said he's not sure why he's trying to use that word. Shuli said it's like a 17 minute long sentence. Howard and Fred were using the word in sentences that Bobo might use. Howard said it's apoplectic. Bobo still didn't get it. Howard said he has to go. He said the word is apoplectic. He told him to look it up. Bobo said Howard told him what it is. Howard asked if he's ever heard that word. He told him to research it and do a paper on it. Bobo asked how he spells it. Shuli told him to figure it out. Howard said he's going to spell it for him. He spelled it ''ABRACADABRA.'' Bobo said that's abracadabra. Howard said he'll spell it. He spelled it ''apoplectic.'' Howard said he would recommend to Bobo not using the word if he doesn't know what it means.
Shuli said he was talking to Bobo about his passions in life and he said the show is number 1 and then his safety and health. He said his family was number one after asking about them. Howard said he shouldn't use those big words. He said that he should stick to a vocabulary of like 100 words.
Howard asked about his students and how they used to stick gum in his hair. Howard asked how far in it was before they started putting gum in his hair. Shuli said he'd like to see him in teacher mode. Bobo said he used to teach for 6 hours. Shuli said he claims they used to hug him for saving lives.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's in apoplexy over this. She said her job is super important because kids might turn out like this in 20 years. Howard asked how she handles it when she has a student like this acting out in class. The caller said that he should have had more English classes instead of French. She said no one is speaking English now because it's so hard. She said that she was going to change the channel until Shuli started his pop quiz. Howard let her go after that. Howard played a song parody about Bobo and then went to break.
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Howard said he woke up angry this morning. He said it was awful. He said he had an angry dream. He said he doesn't want to talk about it. He said it was a tantrum dream. He said it was all confusing and horrible. Robin said he woke up with that emotion. Howard said that's it exactly. He said Robin has nice dreams. He said he wakes up with horrible dreams.
Howard said he should play a phony phone call. He said this is a Swap Shop call. He said they love calling them. He said they got the guy to say something about Ronnie Mund's dildo. Howard said it was ''dill dough'' that they got him to say. Richard came in and said it was bread dough that had dill flavor in it. Howard said that they kept saying Ronnie's dill dough over and over again. Richard said it's like fishing for this stuff. He said you send in emails to these stations and wait for them to read them. He said they found a guy finally who fell for it.
Howard asked Richard what they have to do to make this happen. He said they have to tape each show and wait to hear them read it. Richard said they'll wait an hour and listen to the show. He said this one has been in the works for a long time. Howard said just realize the work that goes into this. He said this guy spent a year of his life trying to get ''Ronnie's dill dough'' on the show. Richard said when they do read it it's so exciting.
Howard said when they had that guy who killed bin Laden he said it was a lot easier to kill him than get someone to say Ronnie's dill dough. Howard asked if Richard was beside himself when he heard it. Richard said he was. He said he had to make sure his equipment was recording. He said that is a fear they have.
Howard said he imagines a documentary about the amount of work they put into this. He was reciting lines that an announcer might use about them in this documentary. Howard said he'd love to see something like that.
Howard said sit back and listen to this. He said this was months in the making. He said this is Ronnie's dill dough. He played the clip and the Swap Shop announcer gave out this information about Ronnie Mund's ''dill dough'' and you can call Peg for more information. Then Sal calls into the show and asked for the number for the dill dough. The announcer gave out the number. Sal asked for a recipe for the cucumber bread you can make with that dill dough. Richard called in and said he works with Chef Ronnie Mund who had a cucumber bread recipe. They had Ronnie talking about using the a dildo and natural juices. The guy hung up on them when it got too dirty.
Howard said he loves that. Richard said they tried that for a while and they had to change their strategy. He said they caught the dill dough thing and then they figured that they could find a food convention and write that they were there and put the information about him in there. He said it makes it more believable. Robin said they had to kill it with putting Ronnie on the show. Richard said that's the best part.
Howard said when the guy did that it was exciting. He said the guy said it twice. Howard said for the documentary they'd talk about the office getting excited about it and cheering for them when the guy read it. Howard said they should get a Kennedy Center honor for that.
Howard said he's never heard of that. He said he's never cum when he wasn't hard. Howard said Ronnie is so sexed up. He said no man cums when he's flaccid. He said it's fascinating and disgusting.
Howard said Brent has said from time to time that he's way more of a sex expert than Ronnie. He said he asked Brent about sex and stuff and he gets into a clinical discussion about it. Howard said it's not funny. He said it's funny that he thinks he's better at it than Ronnie. Howard said they should have a contest where they have the guys go through their approach. He said Ronnie is kind of down and dirty and to the point.
Howard said he was listening to a bit that Brent did where he was talking about how to give a woman an orgasm. He said it was very clinical. He said if a woman is into you then she's going to have an orgasm. He said if you're thrusting back and forth with her inside then she's going to dig it. Howard asked where that tape is of Brent. He said he was talking about putting your hand in a position at 5 o'clock and stuff.
Howard got the tape of Brent talking about this orgasm technique. In the clip Brent had a two finger cul-de-sac technique. He said that you use two fingers and press down at about 5 o'clock and that's the g-spot. He said you use a lot of pressure and the woman will go crazy.
Howard said she'll either orgasm or mace you. He said he thinks Harvey Weinstein used that technique. Howard said he isn't sure if he's for real or not. He said he thinks he is.
Howard said guys have theories like that. He said if a woman is into you then she'll orgasm. He said you don't need to do all of this stuff.
Howard asked if Brent has ever done that. Brent came in and said he has. He said that Ronnie was married for decades and now he's finding all kinds of things that he's using. Brent said he started early himself.
Howard asked why the biggest experts are the least attractive men there. He asked if they had to learn this stuff to get women. Brent said he didn't look this horrible when he was younger.
Howard said if Robin had to bang one of the two which one would she choose? Robin said she's not sure why she has to choose. Howard asked which one it would be. Robin said she'd have to go with Ronnie. She said she would have a lot of fun talking to Brent. She said Ronnie isn't a thinker. She said you don't want the guy doing that stuff like Brent was explaining. Howard said Brent had the same look on his face as he did in the IQ test. Brent said Robin once picked Bubba over him. Howard said yesterday was Bubba's birthday. Brent said it was actually the 23rd of April. Howard said his calendar must be off. He said it was a few yesterdays ago.
Ronnie came in and said that it was Bubba who came up with that two finger thing. Brent said that they learned it from a doctor who came in and taught them. He said this was back in the day of VHS tapes and they got tapes. Howard said they're having a creep off. Ronnie asked how he's an expert if he had to be taught. He said he taught himself. Brent said that was back in 1996.
Howard said Ronnie claims he was having sex at 9 years old. He asked if he thinks he's more of an expert than Brent. Ronnie said he's more a street expert than Brent. He said Brent has to have a teacher to teach him this shit. Brent said that you have to be open to learning. Howard said he can't believe anyone is into that two finger cul-de-sac thing.
Howard said Brent's wife does look at him like he's Brad Pitt. He said he must be doing something right. Ronnie said he had to learn from a bus. Brent said it was a doctor in a bus, not the bus. Ronnie said he just learns that stuff on his own.
Benjy came in and said he's better than both of them. Howard said here we go. Benjy said he has a challenge for them. He said they'll get a woman who is willing and they'll use their hands only. Howard said he didn't know he was coming in with that. He said they'll work on that. He thanked him for the suggestion. He said he's going to go have a meeting about that. He said he'll find a woman who is willing to have sex with the three of them. Benjy said he can get a woman up there in an hour.
Howard asked Gary why he let him in there. Gary said they thought it was funny to bring in a third gross guy. Howard said don't drag Benjy into that. He said it's a ridiculous premise. He said no woman is going to let them finger her. Howard asked if he really thinks they're going to do that. Benjy said they have done that. He said they can do it in an off location place. Benjy said that Perez Hilton fingered him. Howard said put it together where Brent and Ronnie finger him.
Brent said his wife isn't going to let him finger a porn star. Howard asked if he can get back to doing what he was doing. Benjy said they can demonstrate on a mannequin. Howard said enough already. He said he loves Benjy but as soon as he sees that face he knows he's going off track.
Howard said he'll wait for Benjy to put that together. The guys were all goofing on Benjy and talking about what a mess he is. Howard said he sees pimples and stuff erupting all over his face. That led to a song parody about Benjy's blotchy face.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how he hasn't fired Benjy already. He said he ruins everything. Howard said he knows. He said he's taken enough of a beating today.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she knows about the 2 finger thing that Brent was talking about. She said it works on herself and when people use it on her. Howard asked Brent if this is his wife. Brent said it's not. Howard asked who came up with the name of this thing. Brent said he thinks the sexologist did. Howard asked how many sex experts have a bus. Brent said she did and she had tapes she'd give them. Howard said he's not going to be able to practice on Beth. Brent said that they can get that fake pussy thing and he can demonstrate it in the studio. Howard asked him to explain it to him. Brent told Howard how you put both fingers in and then you curl them to the 11 o'clock position. Ronnie said he knows how to do this. He was telling Howard how you're on the top of the woman's pussy inside. Howard wondered if Robin is getting wet. Robin said her eyes are.
Brent asked Ronnie if he's been with a black woman. Ronnie said he has. Robin said he asks him that every time. Howard said it's funny to hear the answer.
Howard asked how you do this two finger thing. Ronnie and Brent both told Howard about how you do it. Brent said you have to lick her clit too. Ronnie said you don't have to. Howard said all he knows is dismantling a bomb is easier. He said Fred is doing the two finger thing on his asshole right now. Ronnie said girls all have different spots so it doesn't work on all of them. They said some girls have an inverted pussy. Ronnie said it's upside down. Howard asked if Brent has ever seen that. Ronnie said it's on the inside. Brent said that can be the case. He said the g-spot could be on the bottom.
Howard asked if there's a three finger u-turn sex move. He said he was handed a note that neither of them are mentioning cervical tapping yet. Howard said he just wants to be an expert in sex. He said Benjy is kind of gross. He asked what he's doing out there.
Howard asked Benjy to come in and explain what he's talking about. Benjy came in and said that he agrees with Howard that it's more about women being into you. He said that a lot of men and women don't realize that deep in the vagina you can tap the cervix and stimulate it. Ronnie said he knows about that. He said you have to get your hand way in there. Benjy said neither of them mentioned that. Ronnie said you can make her cum like that. Benjy said it's a very intense orgasm. Howard said he loves listening to this. Robin asked if anyone is as sick as she is there.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she tried the two finger cul-de-sac thing. Howard had the fake caller on the line saying her pussy exploded from it.
Howard said the guys are like gynecologists. He asked if they go in with gloves. He took a call from a woman who said she wanted to say that Benjy is disgusting. She said she thinks all women just grunted when he came into the room. Howard asked if it was the cervical tapping. She said it was just him walking into the room. Benjy said if she was blindfolded and didn't know it was him she'd cum. She said she's not sure about that. Howard asked her if she would come in and let all three of them finger her and decide who is the best. The caller said she doesn't think so. Benjy said he can get a woman within an hour to do that.
Benjy said he has taken classes for this sex stuff. Howard asked if he's making this up. Benjy said no. He said there's something called orgasmic meditation that he has taken. Howard said he's in some weird thing now. Benjy said it's in the village. He said he's taken Tantara classes too.
Howard did his impression of Benjy and goofed on him about the sex classes thing. Benjy asked why he thinks he's making stuff up. Howard said he just does. Benjy said he did make up the sex meditation thing. Howard said he knew it. He said this is why he doesn't want him in there. Robin said he brought up the classes and he just said they don't exist. Then Benjy said he didn't make it up and he did take the class. Howard said he has to get back to Ronnie and Brent. He let Benjy go again. Benjy said he's not sure why he treats him like that. He said he's the only one. Ronnie said he's got to be fucking kidding.
Howard said Benjy is such a victim. He said he just asked if he made that stuff up. Benjy said he made it up. Howard said he has to get smacked in the head next time he lets Benjy in there. Benjy said he has a weird reaction to him. Howard said this is serious Benjy. He said he's holding him hostage. Benjy said Brent is such a dick in situations like this. Howard asked him to please just go. Benjy wasn't leaving. He said that in this situation Howard is in charge but Brent will do whatever Howard's thing is. He said he'll change that whole thing if he feels he has to.
Howard said just take your victory lap and leave. Benjy kept going and Brent was trying to explain that his sex bit is never going to get approved. He said that it's not going to happen and it's over.
Benjy said black people like him better. Howard said it sounds interesting to him and his Facebook show but not here. Benjy said if they both go in the street they can find someone. Robin told him to go away. Howard said black people like him better and he's the best lover ever. He said he's super talented and he loves him. He asked if he's satisfied now. Benjy didn't answer. Howard said he has great skin and he's the most talented guy on the show. He said he's not sure what else to say to him. Benjy said he wishes he would talk to him in a normal way. Ronnie said he wishes that too. Howard said that would be really interesting.
Howard said he's not sure what to say here. Benjy said he'd like to talk to him about his angry dream. Howard thanked him for coming in. Benjy kept talking. Howard said he's got to stop. He said it's over. Gary said don't make him come in here. Howard said goodbye to Benjy finally.
Howard said Benjy is upset. Benjy started to come back in. Gary said don't turn around. Howard said he should put in a trap door. He said he could make him disappear. He said he'd never come back from that. He said he wishes he had the sex tips for Ronnie to comment on. He said when Ronnie talks about sex it's not clinical. Brent said it's animalistic. Ronnie said it's a fact of life that he does. Brent said he wasn't insulting him about it. Ronnie said he never said he was.
Howard said Brent has this technical talk about sex. Gary said one was about how long he's ever lasted. Howard said oh yeah. Brent said that was drug fueled. He said he'd take some ecstasy and some percoset and a Viagra. He said he'd go to a rave and they'd have these night clubs that didn't have alcohol but everyone was on drugs.
Howard asked what happened. Brent said you get a boner and you dance with the girls on the floor. He said he'd go to his apartment. He said the girl would be stimulating his boner. He said he could last for 90 minutes on that. Howard asked if Ronnie believes that. Ronnie said sure. He said that's not 90 straight though. He said it's on and off. Brent said it's probably like an hour. Ronnie said he's done that. He said it's on and off. Brent said that he was in this girl for at least 90 minutes. He said she was on ecstasy too. He said she was pretty sore the next day.
Howard said he thinks Robin's uterus would fall out after 90 minutes. Robin said no one is doing that to her for 90. Howard said his wife wants it over with after 5 minutes. Howard said no woman wants it that long. Robin said the girl is wrecked after that long. Howard asked if Ronnie has ever done drugs like that. Ronnie said nothing but weed. He said he has never timed his fucking either. He said he had a session last a long time. Robin said Brent is banging someone for 90 minutes and Ronnie is pleasuring a woman.
Howard asked how long Robin has gotten fucked. Robin said it's not 90 minutes. Ronnie asked if she's had a session that lasts long. Robin said sure. She said that it was hours. Robin said it may have gone into the next day. She said she's not going to be banged to death though.
Howard took a call from a woman who said this is like nature vs. nurture. She said Brent is thinking it out and Ronnie is just doing it. Howard said they have the same outcome though. The caller said that's right. She said then Benjy comes in and ruins it all.
Robin said that Ronnie is doing whatever comes naturally. Ronnie said that's why she knows she'd be wet the whole time if he was doing her. Robin said it's going to be a flood. Howard said Brent is too technical.
Howard played a clip of Brent talking about how to get a woman into anal sex. Brent was talking about how to get her into it while she's doggy style.
Howard asked Ronnie what he thinks. Ronnie said you don't do it all in one session. He said you have to relax the girl and you play with the outside of her asshole. Howard said this is so romantic. Ronnie said you work into it and then you have her on her side and you have your dick by her asshole. He said you're rubbing your cock on her asshole and you try to slide it in. Howard said he doesn't need gel or lube. Ronnie said you use natural juices. He said you use your pre-cum. Howard asked if Robin is taking notes. Robin laughed.
Howard said this is a lot of work. Ronnie said it's a whole deal. He said it's not that simple. He said what happened to Robin was almost like rape. Robin told him to stop it. Howard asked if he can get in there with his own natural juices. Ronnie said he can. He said you take as long as it takes for her to get comfortable. He said he can do that while they watch TV. Howard said he's sliding his dick around while they're watching TV? Ronnie said yeah. He said she'll start to moan a little bit. Howard said Ronnie used to turn on the Met game and do it then. Ronnie said that way he doesn't blow his load. He said you concentrate on something else.
Howard asked what Brent thinks of that. Brent said he has done that in the last 2 weeks. Howard said Chris Wilding told him that he went to the bathroom in Brent's apartment and Brent and his wife were rolling around on the floor. Howard asked what happened there. Brent said they were at Chris' apartment and they were going to go out. He said he got worked up while Chris was getting ready to go out. Brent said he loves everything about his wife. Howard said Chris must have freaked out over that. Howard said Chris told him he almost got jizzed on. Brent said they just started laughing when Chris came out. He said Chris said that would be the first time there was heterosexual sex in that apartment.
Brent said he and his wife used to go out and have sex on the beach in front of an apartment building. He said people could watch if they wanted to. Brent said they were in the grass near the sea wall. This was in the Tampa area. Brent said she's 15 years younger than him and he was up for doing it wherever she wanted to. He said she loves to fuck. He said he's doing her 3-4 times a week. He said it would be more if they didn't have to get up so early for work. Ronnie said he fucked his girl every day while they were on vacation. He said he did it twice on Friday. He said it was in the morning and at night.
Howard said this is amazing to him. Brent asked if he does it as soon as he gets home. Ronnie said it depends on what time it is. He said as soon as she takes her clothes off he's ready. Howard said he has to check Brent's wife out. He said he has to zero in on her. Brent said she was a volleyball player so she has a muscular body. He said that she claims she had an orgasm and an assgasm when they did it last time. Howard said having sex every day is something. Brent said he salutes Ronnie on that. Howard said he doesn't take pills or anything. Ronnie said he has tried it but he doesn't take it regularly. He said Bubba gave him some down in Tampa. He said he tried a Viagra once too. He said that was a 100mg pill. Brent said he'd break that in half. Ronnie said your dick is like a telephone pole when you take that. Howard played a Ronnie song parody where all he says is ''cunt'' over and over.
Howard said they both love the cock ring thing. Brent said it's great. He said he has to try it. Ronnie said it's great with Viagra or Cialis too. Brent said he has one with rabbit ears and a vibrator. He said Howard has to try one. Howard said he's not sure why he'd need that. Brent said he has never used a dildo like Ronnie. He said massaging the prostate is great though. Ronnie said he has to try the thing he did the review on. He said it has the little bumps on it. He said that it got pulled out too fast though. He said the feeling from the orgasm made him feel like he was going to pass out.
Brent told Howard to have Beth massage his prostate. Howard said she already said she won't do that. He said he just likes fucking. He said he doesn't need all of this. Ronnie said he loves to prolong it out. Brent said the fucking can be better. He said that it's all better. Howard said they're on the same path in life.
Brent asked if he just pulls it out to prolong it. Ronnie said he'll pull it out and let it soak. Howard said he's not the same kind of dude they are. Ronnie said maybe he should try it. Howard said how about he just puts his penis in Beth's vagina and cum. He said they can call him old fashioned if they want to. Ronnie said he will. Howard said he's not against sex but they're so involved in these sex toys and stuff.
Ronnie said he has all of his equipment in the night stand. He said he forgot about that when Stephanie's parents came to visit. He said he hopes they didn't go in there.
Howard asked Ronnie about soaking his cock. Ronnie said he'll pull out and wait until she's ready to go. Howard asked if it has ever wrinkled up while it marinates. Ronnie said no.
Howard took a call from Sirius customer service. One of the guys in the back was saying they just had 29 million cancellations.
Brent said if you are a pre-ejaculator then try the soaking thing. He said you just pull out and come to a complete stop for a minute. Howard said they're working too hard at this shit. Howard said he doesn't have a problem with all of this.
Howard said he doesn't get the 69 thing either. Brent said that's one of the greatest things ever. Howard said he thinks he's very heterosexual. He said he just wants to stick it in. He doesn't need to do all of this other stuff. Robin said this is some conversation. Ronnie said it's very educational without a bus.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's in Starbucks so he doesn't want anyone to hear this. He said when the girls are giving oral do they kiss the girl after they take a load in their mouth. Brent and Ronnie both said they do. The caller said he's not into that. Ronnie said that's fine. Ronnie said he'd even kiss her if she licked his asshole. Howard said he's exhausted from this. Robin said it's like he just had sex. Howard said Fred is over there exhausted. Fred did some of his Ronnie impression. Howard asked if this is crazy. Fred said this isn't his cup of tea. He said that they're very adventurous. Howard said they're like the Lewis and Clark of sex. they go where no one has gone.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he's not into this either. He said he thinks the wife is bored if they have to do all of this. He said he and his wife don't have to do that. He said the woman is looking for something new because they're bored. He said they're chasing that. King said look at those two. He asked how their wives can be attracted to them. Ronnie asked when he last looked in the mirror. King said he just looked now. He said he's a good looking guy. Howard said King has tasted his own cum so remember that.
Howard said they learned a lot today. He said that he has one last Brent sex tip. He played that and Brent talked about how he's never double teamed woman with another guy. He talked about one time he and a friend went into a hotel room and this adult entertainer came in and blew them both. He said he came in her mouth and she showed it to him when he did that. Howard said he's going to throw up. Then the woman blew his friend and got up and left. Howard said oy vey.
Howard said Brent is into swinging. Ronnie said he can't do that. He said that they'd do a threesome with another girl but that's it. Howard asked how Brent finds the swingers. Brent said you can find them at clubs and resorts. He said there's a great resort in Tampa for that. Howard said Brent is hard core. He said he forgets that about him. He said every time he thinks he's normal he's not.
Howard asked if the people look like Brent and Ronnie there. Even the women. Brent said there are some good looking women there. He said the last time he did that was back in 09 or 10. He said he has done it with partners before. He said it's multiple people. Howard said Ronnie won't do it. Ronnie said he doesn't think he needs that. He said he doesn't think that he'd get hard thinking that she's in the other room with a dude. Brent said you watch them do it. Ronnie said he has him beat on that. He said give him the trophy.
Howard asked if Brent has ever jerked off while a guy is fucking his girl. Brent said it has to be an even trade. He said he's never done that. Howard asked if that's the wildest scene he's ever been a part of. Brent said it is.
Howard said that even shut Ronnie up. He said that he can't go there. Ronnie said it shut him down. Brent said swingers are very nice people. Ronnie said he's gotten offers so he knows. He said they had an offer at a resort. He said that someone saw Stephanie. He said this guy's girlfriend is someone Howard met a long time ago. Howard asked how he met her. Ronnie said somewhere out on Long Island in the Hamptons he met her. He said this girl was unbelievably hot. He said he was into it if it was a threesome deal. He said the guy wanted to watch and jerk off while he watched. Ronnie said that's not his thing though. He said he can't deal with another guy in the room. Brent said it doesn't bother him.
Howard said Ronnie finally looks tame compared to Brent. Ronnie said he does. He said he can't do what Brent does. Howard said it's great that he can fuck every day during the week at his age. Ronnie said she can't take it sometimes. He said last night she was making dinner and she came up and leaned against him. He said that he put his hand down her pants to feel her ass and he was ready to go. He said he was cooking at the time though. Howard said poor Sal hasn't had sex since Christmas. He said he's so horny he wants Tan Mom. Brent said he's starved. Howard said she's a handful. He said that's all he's saying.
Howard asked if Brent would do Sal's wife in a swinger thing. Brent said they used to joke about that stuff. Howard said they really learned a lot today. Howard asked who he would swing with at work if he could. He said don't put him in there. Brent said JD did a great job getting his girl. He said Gary's wife is hot. He said it's hard to say. Howard said maybe Ronnie and Stephanie. Brent said probably them. Howard asked if Ronnie has a couple. Ronnie said he's not into that. He said if he was going to do it he would have done it back then with this chick. He said he's not going to insult anyone by picking their wife.
Howard said how about JD. Ronnie said he'd probably commit suicide if he did his girl. He said he thinks JD is doing a lot of shit that he won't admit to. JD said he's never taken anything but a tongue in his ass. Howard said he'd like to know who did that. He said he'd like that interview.
Howard asked JD if he's doing crazy shit and not telling anyone. JD said he's not. Ronnie said they're having some fun there. JD said he hasn't even tried a cock ring. He said that he hasn't done the double dildo either. Ronnie said he can give him his. Ronnie said he only used one end.
Howard said he thinks JD would be afraid to bring it up with his girlfriend. JD said that's part of it. Howard asked if he has these techniques that Brent has. JD said he's surprised he can do anything. Ronnie said he did some weird shit with the porn chick. JD said they don't need to get into that shit.
Howard said JD was into dogs and all kinds of shit. He said he's wondering if he's suppressing stuff. JD said he wants this woman in his life. He said everything is fine. Ronnie said he thinks there's more going on than he's saying. He said he thinks they're having a really good sex life. Howard said he thinks he's afraid of doing anal. Brent said he thinks that she's in charge. Ronnie said he thinks they're having a really good time. Howard said according to what he's saying they're just doing regular stuff. JD said everything is fine. Ronnie said he thinks everything is fine. He said that's just his feeling.
Howard had to hit the dump button on something. Ronnie said JD's girl's name. Ronnie said she's all over Twitter. Howard asked why her name is top secret. JD said just let it happen. Howard said everyone knows her name. JD said he's not promoting it. Howard said he hit the dump button.
Howard asked JD how many times he had sex last week. JD said that it's that certain time so... Howard asked if he has sex every night. JD said it's not every day.
Howard said he's had enough of this. Fred did his Ronnie voice for a short time. He was talking to Brent about doing weird shit to women. Howard said he doesn't do this stuff. He said he doesn't care about that. Brent said that if Howard got into it he'd be way into it. Howard did his Ronnie voice talking about the weird stuff he does. He asked if he's ever fried her cunt in duck fat. Then they were putting barbecue sauce on it. Then he had him putting gun powder in her pussy and fucking her at the gun range. Howard was making up all kinds of weird stuff that Ronnie could do to Stephanie. Robin was getting into it as well. They had Ronnie stuffing her pussy like bread pudding. Howard and Fred kept going with the Ronnie impressions. They had him gluing his balls to her nostrils and having her sneeze to make him cum.
Ronnie said Robin is turned on by all of this. He said she usually shuts up about it. He said that's why she has that aerated chair. He said that way it breathes. Howard said they've heard a lot today. He said he's not sure who is the bigger expert. Ronnie said Brent has him on the swinging thing. Robin said she still says that Ronnie is the natural one. Howard thanked the guys for that and did a live commercial read before going to break.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked for some advice about his family relationship. He said he went to work for his wife's family and he keeps being told he's getting a raise but he doesn't get one for 2 years. He said that he was promised some money for a 401K and things like that. He said he gets the feeling they don't want him working for the company anymore. Howard said of course that's what it is. He said they don't value him. He said working in the family business is complex.
Howard said that he should look around for a job. The caller said he has done that. He said he's looking slowly. He said he'd like to get a job. Howard said he should get out and get a new job. He said maybe they'll say they can't lose you and they'll give him a raise. Howard said he's being treated like Fredo in The Godfather. Howard said he has to get out. The caller said he's a good worker. Howard said if he's smart and he can handle things he should get out and get a new job.
Howard asked if the wife is pissed at her father. The caller said she is. Howard said he should get out and find something new. He said he's a young guy. The caller said he's 33. Howard said he has to get out. He said he gets what he's going through. He said he considered himself to be pretty good in radio. He said he asked for a raise and the guy said he had to think about it. He said he started looking for gigs after that.
The caller said that one of the other guys got fired there and that led to more work for him. Howard said he heard all of that. He said that he can go look and find something before he quits this job. He let the guy go after that. The guy mentioned he bought a house last year. Howard said he shouldn't have done that. He said maybe he should write a book. He said his stories were fascinating.
Howard said he wishes he had the father on the phone to talk about what the real story is. He made some stuff up about what it could be about.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that guy just isn't good at his job. He said there's a reason why they don't want to give him a raise. He said he must suck at his job. Howard said maybe the father just wants him out. The caller said maybe that guy had a giant dildo up his ass all day.
Howard said he worked in a plumbing supply house with a friend. He said that they were in the back lifting boxes of shit and this kid was working in the front office. He said it was 10 bucks an hour though. He said it was good money. Howard said that's the kind of stuff that should sell itself. Howard said you'd be shocked by the people who want more money. Howard said they're the worst workers and they have no clue they suck.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on. He said if he is good he should go get another job. He said anyone who sells plumbing supplies should be able to sell anything. Howard said he didn't want to say to him that he might just suck. Howard did a live commercial read and took another break after that.
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Howard said he was fascinated by that. He said he loves her so much. Robin said she gets a month supply at once. Howard said Arby's was listening to the show and they felt for her. They sent over $150 worth of gift cards for her. Howard said when Shuli broke the news to her she wasn't so happy. Howard played a clip of Shuli telling her that they sent over 15 $10 gift cards for her. Underdog Lady just said wow and nothing else. Howard said that was so odd. He said he thought she'd say that was so sweet or something. Robin asked if Shuli asked her why there was no reaction. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said that he should.
Howard said Shuli told her that they sent over clothing for her too and she was pissed. Underdog said she's not interested in any of that. She said she doesn't wear pants or sweatshirt's. She said that stuff shows too much of her buttocks.
Howard said he knows what she means. He said some women wear things that show off their whole asshole and vagine. He said they wear the thin material pants that almost show their ass naked. Howard said they don't belong in that kind of clothing. He said that they should be body shamed. He said that Underdog knows not to wear that stuff. Howard said even if she doesn't want it she should check it out and give it to someone she knows. Howard said he just wants more of her. Robin said she can't believe her life. She said she can't believe she never wears pants.
Howard replayed the clip of Underdog saying she's not interested in the clothing. Howard said he wonders where that outfit is. Howard said she doesn't want to show her cleft.
Howard asked Shuli why he didn't ask her about the reaction she had. Shuli said he never knows how she's going to react to anything. He said she should be breaking down in tears over the gift cards. He said she buys a month's supply of Arby's and freezes them. Howard said you'd think she'd just say thank you and take the clothes. He said she could line her cat box with it or something. Howard said that she had a weird reaction to that.
Howard said he would love to see JD in the outfit. Shuli said he gave it to Benjy to try on and he got stuck in it. Howard said give it to JD and have him come in. Howard said he as a big Roy Rogers guy and they had good roast beef. Shuli said he likes some of the Arby's stuff. He said they have all kinds of good stuff. He said they have great shakes and curly fries. Howard asked what it would cost him to have a roast beef, fries and a chocolate shake. Shuli said that's probably 10 bucks. Howard said he could go for that. Howard asked what's the best, Arby's, McDonald's, Burger King or Wendy's. Shuli said he likes Wendy's burgers. He said they taste fresher. He said being on the road he'll eat any shit. Howard asked if Arby's has the corner on the roast beef market. Shuli said for sure. Howard asked why no one else gets into that. He asked if they're like the mob.
Robin said the classic roast beef is $3.29. Howard said he loves that Jon Hein is the expert in all of this. He said he's not sure why he's talking to Shuli about it. Robin said the fries are $1.19. Howard said JD is putting on the outfit as they speak. Robin said the large shake is like 3 bucks. She said the meal is under 10 bucks.
Howard asked Jon to come in with his opinion. Jon said for roast beef it's definitely Arby's. He said no one has been able to crack that market like they have. He said Roy Rogers had it for a while. He said Rax had it and that was good but that went away. He said Arby's has expanded beyond roast beef too. Howard asked why no one else has done it. Jon said that it's more expensive to do that than other stuff.
Howard said the large curly fries are 650 calories. Jon said they're excellent. He said Baskin Robbins also created a shake just for Arby's.
Jason came in and said he likes Arby's but likes Roy Rogers better. He said that the roast beef is harder to store and serve. He said it had to be heated and served differently. Howard asked if it drives him nuts that Jon is more popular with the fast food stuff. Jason said that it does bother him that he went off and did his own thing with the fast food. He said he doesn't really eat fast food though. He said he eats it all plain. He said that's not how you evaluate fast food. Robin said that he's right about that. She said he's never had one of the big macs with all of the sauce on it. Jason said that he feels bad for people who want good advice about fast food. He said that they should talk to someone who has eaten the food the way it was supposed to be prepared.
Howard asked Jon what he thinks of all of that. Jon let out his very calm ''fuck you'' to Jason.
JD came in dressed in his Arby's outfit. Howard said it's not horrible. He said actually it is. He said the pink of the meat is reflecting off his face. He said he thinks the meat color is good for him. Shuli said he looks like a crime scene. Howard thanked him for the fashion show.
Howard asked Jason about seeing The Avengers movie. Jason said it was really good. He said the movie was very balanced and the effects were amazing. He said it was great and he was upset when it was over. Howard asked what he ate during that movie. Jason said he went to the Alamo draught house to see it. He said he had some great food there. He said he drove 45 minutes to get there. He said they had loaded French fries. He said you eat like a king when you're there. Jason said they have big chairs and they have tables. He said right before the movie they take your order and they sneak in and give it to you. He said you write down if you want more and they get it for you. Robin said the seat is like a bed. She said she's been to theaters like that. Jason said the fries had everything in them. He said they were amazing. He said he tried a big pretzel too. He said that he tried some stuff on it and it was great. He said he went with The Lump and he had some food too.
Howard said that was his lunch. Jason said it was his breakfast and lunch. He said he left the movie theater and he had to drive home and hour. He said he was hungry again so he had dinner. He said he got some stuff from his butcher which was lobster sausage. Howard said everything is complicated with him. Gary said Jason is eating a lot of meat stuff. He said that he's getting lots of different stuff. Jason said he always has something interesting at the butcher.
Howard asked what his shit is like after that. Jason said he had something last weekend where he had black shit. He said he was like ''Eww.'' He said it was really black and scary.
Howard asked how he handles that stuff. He said he's going to be a mess when he gets to be his age if he makes it that far. Shuli said when they were in Amsterdam Jason had this huge ice cream cone with all kinds of shit on it. He said he looked like he was in ecstasy. Howard said he saw some women give a whole ice cream cone to her dog. He said that's just not good for the dog.
Howard said eating alligator is weird. Jason said it's really good. He said he wants to try alligator ribs. He said they have a place in Florida that serves them.
Howard had fake Jon Hein on the phone to talk about fast food. The guys in the back were playing clips of Jon from his audio book. Howard tried to talk to him about fast food for a short time.
Howard asked if Jason weighs more than High Pitch Erik now. Jason said he was at 300 pounds last time he heard. Howard had Erik on the phone and he said he's down to 298. Howard said Erik is less than Jason. Jason said that's temporary. Gary said he's heard some crazy stories about what Erik is eating. Shuli said he got away from his diet for a while. Erik said he's back on his diet and he was down to 298. Shuli asked where he got his fish sandwiches from. Erik said they were at Checkers. He said he ate one and threw the other one out. Howard asked how he's doing this if he had his stomach stapled. Shuli said he must be stretching it out. Howard said Jason is right and it's temporary.
Howard asked Erik if he had apple pie. Erik said he did. Erik said he had a protein shake and a peanut butter on whole wheat bread for breakfast the other day. Jason said that shake should be his whole breakfast. Howard said the peanut butter should have been his lunch. Howard said he's so proud of that. Erik said he had oatmeal for breakfast too. Howard said he's not getting the concept. Robin asked if he likes walking. She said he's seen so much progress. Howard said he still weighs 300 pounds.
Erik said he did 40 minutes on the treadmill last week. Howard asked if he was walking. Erik said he was. Howard said that was last week, what about this week. He told Erik he has to chill lout with all of that stuff.
Erik said he has stuff going on in his personal life that makes him want to eat. Shuli told him to stop threatening people and maybe that will help. He said he's threatening to stab and kill people. Howard said he keeps doing it instead of listening to the lawyers. Shuli said he's talking about Speech Impediment Man. Howard said he has to stop with that. He said he has the ability to change things. Erik said if speech talks to him nice then he'll talk nice to him.
Shuli said that people send Erik every little thing. Howard asked if he can read. The guys said he can. Howard asked if he can spell. Erik said that he and Elephant Boy are on good terms. He said they spoke and they're good.
Howard told Erik to tell people he's going to murder them with kisses from now on. He had him practice that. Howard said he really has to go. Erik asked if he can come in next week. Howard said talk to Gary about that. Howard said he can arrange something. Howard put him on hold to talk to Gary.
Howard said bring it up in the meeting today. He said it would be funny to see him a little thinner. He said he'd like to see him lose 50 more pounds though. Jason said that anyone that tells him he looks like he lost weight is just an excuse to go eat something. Howard thanked the guys and let them go. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard said Trump is told not to comment and he can't stop himself. He said he has to listen to the lawyers. Robin said Erik should since he doesn't have the money that Trump does.
Howard said they should do some news here. they played Robin into it with a song parody. Howard said he thinks that was Eli Braden. Robin said she thinks so. Howard said that was Engorged Harrison since that was a George Harrison song.
Robin started her news with a story about Michele Wolf and how she's getting some support now after her White House Correspondents dinner speech. Robin said she acknowledged her supporters but not Howard. Howard said he got a lot of email about that. He read some of the email he got about the comments he had about it all yesterday. Robin said she still says that along with everyone else who supported her Howard was a big supporter too. Howard said he doesn't need credit. He said next time they'll go the opposite way. Robin said Michele says that she would not change one thing that she said.
Howard said the reaction in the email about Ronnie's movie premiere was all over. Howard read through some of that.
Howard said he has Melania Trump on the phone to talk about Michele Wolf's speech. Howard let fake Melania try out some jokes of her own.
Robin read a story about R. Kelly and how people are calling for a boycott of his music and an investigation into his alleged sex slave claims.
Howard said Verne Troyer got some shout outs in the email too. Howard went through some of that. He said that people are saying that he was saying ''I'm alright'' in that clip. Howard said he sees no evidence of that. JD said he thinks they had subtitles on the show for that.
Robin read a story about Roy Moore and how the young women who claimed he was trying to pick them up are getting sued by Roy. Robin said he claims to be an innocent man and he's suing for defamation.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks he should have supported Trump so he'd have his ear for the show. Howard said it was the most awkward thing in his life. He said that he never took it seriously. He said he doesn't think that Donald did either. Howard said he thought he was kidding when he said he was running. He said he never took it that seriously. He said that he likes Donald and he always enjoys when he sees him. He said that he saw him near election day. He said he always loved him on the show. Howard said if someone you know runs for president and they don't agree with you politically you can't just support them. He said that if he's upset he can't just willy nilly support people. He said that's a crazy thought. He said he told Trump not to run. He said he doesn't need this crap.
Howard said he's very friendly with Ralph but if he ran for governor he's not going to vote for him. He said he likes Cynthia Nixon but he's also satisfied with Cuomo. Howard said if Ralph thinks he's going to vote for him just because he knows him he's not going to do it. Howard said he didn't even vote for himself for Governor. He said he dropped out. Howard said he has no business being Governor. He said he thinks that Donald would have made him the head of the FCC if he had asked. He said he rewards those who supported him.
The caller asked if he has spoken to him since he got into office. Howard said he did write to Donald and he got a note back. He said that was the one contact they had after he was elected.
Howard said he doesn't disagree with everything Donald says. He said he agrees with some things. He said he thought Hillary would have been more into running the country. Howard said he is in contact with Ivanka all the time. He had fake Ivanka there in the studio. Howard spent a short time talking to her about her dad and what's going on with North and South Korea. Howard asked her about a few other things and fake Ivanka had some jokes ready to go.
Robin read a story about Ashley Judd filing a lawsuit against Harvey Weinstein for black listing her after his rejected sexual advances. Robin said that Piers Morgan interviewed Harvey and Piers thinks that Hollywood will forgive him some day.
Robin read a story about a guy who was accused of sexual misconduct at work. Robin asked if he would stick with that person if he was friends with him. Howard said he'd run for the hills. Robin said Seth Rogen has commented on James Franco's problems. Robin said that he's saying that he's a friend and the allegations don't change his willingness to work with him in the future.
Robin read a story about Stormy Daniels filing another suit against Donald Trump. Howard said he saw that. Robin said she's filing one for defamation of character. Robin said she claims that Trump branded her a liar after she claimed that she was threatened by a man. Robin said that she's upset with him for that.
Robin read a story about Avicii and how he used broken glass to kill himself. Robin said sources say that he did take his own life and his family alluded to that last week. Robin said they say he used a shard of glass that caused massive bleeding. Howard asked where he did that. Robin said they say that the glass was from a wine bottle and the injury was to his neck. Another person says it was his wrist. Howard said that sounds painful. Robin said that sounds like he was really out of it and really in pain.
Robin read a story about Bill Cosby preparing for prison by channeling Nelson Mandella. Robin said he is trying to survive his possible incarceration. Robin said that he's thinking about going to visit Nelson Mandella and how he sat in that cell where he lived. Howard said thank God Nelson isn't alive to hear that bullshit. He said that's a crazy story.
Robin read a story about McDonald's using real hamburger meat in their Quarter Pounder. Howard said he thought they did use real meat. Robin said Howard said that was tampering with success. Robin said as a result of the moves the company had a surge of growth. Howard said that's what happens when you give people real food. Robin said they were accused of using red slime in their products. She said they changed to fresh patties.
Robin read a story about Matt Harvey who is a baseball player and how he had a wobbly game the other night. Robin said they say he was at a club the night before the game. He was seen stumbling around. Robin said he had to sit down at one point. Robin said that's not a way to enhance your career. Howard said you can party after the career is over.
Robin read a story about Meghan Markle and her wedding. Howard said he hasn't been keeping up with that. Robin said her family is getting into the news. She said her half brother is slamming her as a phony. People are grabbing on to that over in Great Britain. Robin said one sibling is 14 years older and one is 17 years older. Robin said they didn't spend a lot of time with her but now they remember she's their sister. Robin said the siblings are saying she's trying to forget where she came from. Howard said he wants to forget where he came from too. Howard said Robin has blocked out a lot too. Robin said she doesn't have to remember where she came from.
Robin read a story about Bruce Springsteen and how the Tony nominations were announced. Robin said Gary said that they didn't invite the people who give out the nominations and they were not nominated. Robin said they are going to be given some special Tony award though. Robin said she thinks that's because he's bringing a new audience to Broadway. Howard said he should just be given a regular Tony, not some special one. Howard said he got him to go to Broadway twice.
Robin read a story about the Kardashians and how Kanye West has been tweeting lately. Robin said he's a Trump supporter and also a supporter of the Parkland students who are pro gun control. Robin said there's a lot going on there. She said that Kim has been up to some stuff on social media too. Robin read about some of that nonsense.
Robin read a story about Serena Williams being a mother and how everyone is wondering what's going to happen to her tennis career. Robin said someone is following her around with a camera and filming her.
Robin read a story about a survey that finds young Americans are lonely. Robin read some details about that.
Robin read a story about President Trump commenting on the questions that Robert Mueller wants to ask him. Robin said that Trump is saying that this is a witch hunt and he's not happy with all of that.
Robin read a story about the Iran nuclear program and how they may have been lying about sticking to it.
Robin read a story about Marco Rubio commenting about the tax cut bill and how it didn't help with giving it back to workers. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show playing Bobo saying ''great coogly moogly'' from yesterday's show. Howard wondered where to begin. He asked how Robin is doing. Robin said she's fine. Howard said he's exhausted. He said he came back from vacation and he's been in endless meetings. He said you'd think he was doing something important. He said he can assure you that the president has more free time. He said he was tied up in meetings until 7 last night. He said today is the same until 5 or 6. He said tomorrow he has more in the morning. He said it's all nonsense. He said his life is too complicated. He said he's crazy.
Howard said he's doing things and they're show business related so you'll be seeing this stuff. He said it takes time and carrying on. He said he doesn't know but he's involved. He obsesses over this shit. He said when he washed dishes and things like that he was able to sleep. He said it was a lot more fun.
Howard said Tom Arnold will be in later. He took a call from a woman who said she wanted to thank them all. She said she's making her last trip up to school. Her phone was cutting out so Howard said the good positive calls are usually poor connections. He said she's probably in a car or something. The caller apologized. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said he has a feeling what she was trying to say is she's graduating college and she loves the show. Robin said it was almost a goodbye. Howard said now that she's educated she may not want to listen anymore. Robin said she must have heard Bobo yesterday. Howard said if you compliment them just do it on a land line. He said if you have negative things to say then do it on the cell.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he's watching Fear the Walking Dead at all. Howard laughed when his phone connection was cutting out. Howard said he sounds like he's under water. He said the bullshit part of the call you hear perfectly. He did an impression of what it sounds like to him. Howard played a song parody about the bad connection callers.
Howard said there you go. He said the phone connection anthem. He said he'll try one more. Howard took a call from a guy who said he really likes Richard and Sal's phony phone calls lately. Howard said he'll give him another one. He said his phone sounds good in Nebraska. He said he bets not a lot of people live out there. He said maybe he's the only one using the phone. The caller said it's like a direct line to his studio. Howard said the people next door can't be heard. He said he can hear him perfectly. Howard said he's not sure what to say. He said everyone else is asleep out there so Jeff got in early. He said he's going to give him a nice little shot this morning.
Howard said they did a game with Sal's dad the other day and he didn't know a lot. He said it was kind of heart breaking. He played a reminder where Sal's dad didn't know how many quarters were in 75 cents. Howard said he knew he was gold when they had him answering those questions. Howard said his dad is very gullible like Sal. He said he claims that he invented pizza toppings once. Howard played a prank that Sal pulled on his dad where he had him suing the pizza industry over his idea. Howard said that the lawyer went on to encourage a massive lawsuit.
Howard said in their latest call to Sal's dad they had Steve Nowicki call Sal's dad as Sal's dad. Steve does a good impression of Tony Governale so he called him as himself. Howard played the call and Sal called saying that he has a guy calling from Italy who wants to invest in a pizza place with him. Fake Tony was doing an impression of Tony getting his math all wrong and saying 1957 to 2018 was 4 years and things like that. Then he said he wanted to invest some money in a pizza place. He asked Tony how many toppings he puts on a slice and things like that. Fake Tony was doing his wrong math figuring it all out. Real Tony said they work 9 days a week. Then fake Tony told him that he's Tony Governale and real Tony started arguing with him about that. Tony told fake Tony he's going to beat the shit out of Sal when he comes over.
Howard said Sal's dad should always assume he's fucking with him. Robin said he sounded happy to hear from Sal at the start. Howard did his impression of the two Tonys arguing with each other.
Howard said he has Sal's dad on the phone and he's pissed. It was fake Tony calling in saying he's going to beat the shit out of Sal with a pepperoni. Howard had him doing some math and things like that. Howard said that was a good call Steve. Steve came out of character for a second but said he's stuck in that voice now. Steve said he edited that game that they did and he was walking around doing the voice talking to himself. Howard asked if he speaks real Italian or was it all gibberish. Steve said it's all gibberish. He said it's like Beetlejuice. Howard said Steve doesn't do famous people. He does Tony Governale. Howard said he'll see him later. Howard said he's like a foot away from him so it won't be long.
Howard said Steve does a High Pitch Mike impression too. Steve did that and Howard said there's no use for it anymore. Howard said Mike is really into gorillas. Howard said his impression is really good. Robin said it is. Steve stayed in character with Mike for a short time. Howard said he heard he does a Sour Shoes impression too. Steve said he's a master of useless impressions. Howard said the noise he just did was a good one. He did Sour's ''Ooo'' sound. Robin asked if he can do the impressions that he can do. Steve did some of them.
Howard said he heard he does Alex Jones too. Steve went into that impression and talked to Howard as Alex. Howard hung up on Steve like he does to Sour Shoes.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's crying in her car listening to that Tony Governale call. She said it was epic. Howard said he might have to do a show where he explains to people who everyone is on the show. The caller is new to the show so he figured she may not know the show that well. She said she was able to figure it out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said 41 percent of Millenials don't know what the holocaust is. Howard said he saw that. The caller said it's disconcerting. Howard said it is. He said that's not a question though. Howard said it drives him nuts. He said he was reading this report about Natalie Portman who was born in Israel. He said she's critical of Israel. He said she's jumping on some weirdo bandwagon. He said he was wondering if she's insane. He said he wanted to tell her she's a Jew you fucking nut job. He said Israel was founded for one reason. He said because there was a holocaust. He said that they were unarmed Jews who were targeted by a madman and put into death camps. He said they killed Jews by shoving them into ovens. Howard said Israel was founded so they could have their own land. He said that the Jews who went there had to fight every maniac. Howard said they went out and killed all of these Nazi fucks who got away after World War II. He said they became military monsters. He said they are giving any Jew who wants a homeland a place to go.
Howard said in Germany just this past week a theater group was letting people come in for free if they wore a Nazi uniform. Howard said he wants to throw up on Natalie Portman. He said pick up a fucking history book.
Howard said Israel has to be supported by Natalie Portman. He said she has a problem because she read something. He said everyone is down on Jews in Hollywood. He said that they are the scapegoats of the world and they need an Israel. He said he'll call out anyone who does what Natalie Portman is doing. Howard told her to pull her shit together.
Howard said Israel is one of the biggest intelligence collectors in the world. He said when they see someone getting out of hand they handle it in the middle of the night. He said he's proud of them and he supports them. Howard said everyone turned their backs on the Jews in World War II.
The caller said it's a general lack of knowledge that pisses him off. Howard said Portman said she has a problem with Benjamin Netanyahu. He said she should just act and pretend to be a ballerina. He said he's furious with her. He said go pretend to be a ballerina and get a phony fucking award for it. Howard said give an award to a real ballerina. Howard said the irony is that real ballerinas don't get paid but fake ones make millions.
Howard took a call from fake Mel Gibson who said he hates the Jews. Fake Mel was yelling about the Jews and he was all out of breath like he was in the old voice mail clips to his wife.
Howard said he saw him once at the Oscars and he was acting normal. Robin said that they were saying that Harvey Weinstein might be forgiven one day. She said look at Mel Gibson.
Howard said there was a play in Germany recently and they were letting anyone with a swastika arm band in for free. He said they're up to that nonsense again.
Howard said they were going to give Natalie Portman an award and she turned it down saying she can't get along with Netanyahu. Howard said just go get your award. He said read a newspaper and see what's going on around the world.
Howard said Natalie should just keep quiet and go remember the lines someone wrote for her. He said it's so fucking hard she has to get an award for that. He said everything is so backwards.
Howard had some audio of Kanye talking about the slavery thing and how it was a choice if it went on for 400 years. Howard said that's some crazy shit. He said he's into some Natalie Portman kind of shit.
Howard said there's something about that Kardashian pussy that makes men go crazy. Howard said Bruce Jenner cut his dick off because of them. He said you have to be careful. Robin said you mess with that you don't come back. Howard said Bruce Jenner is now a woman. He said it would be great if he said that the reason for that is because of the Kardashian women.
Howard said Kanye went into this long rap. He said he really doesn't know his music that well. He said he knows a couple of songs that are good. He said he was talking about being addicted to opioids. Robin said that's what he's saying the nervous breakdown was from. Howard played a clip of Kanye talking about that. He was yelling at everyone to listen to this. He said he was addicted to them and he had plastic surgery to look good for people. He said he got liposuction and he had opioids and he was driving to work on them. He was yelling all of this on TMZ. He said he went from taking 2 pills to taking 7. He said he was drugged the fuck out. Kanye said he takes one a week or two a week now.
Howard said it sounds like we're to blame for a lot of this. Robin said if they do that interview they get criticized. Howard said he reminds him of Beetlejuice when he gets angry. Howard said he was listening to one of his new rap songs and it's crazy. He played one of his songs and said it's really out there. Robin said all of his genius is gone.
Howard said Shuli and Jason are big fans of Kanye and they like that. Howard said he thinks his mom died from getting plastic surgery. Robin said she did.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows he has a great appreciation for music. He said he knows he's not a big Grateful Dead fan. He asked what it is about them that he doesn't like. Howard said it's a mystery to all of us why someone isn't into a type of music. Howard said he heard them when he was young and he bought one of their albums when he was young. He said there were some songs that were okay but he doesn't respond to that kind of music. He said he hasn't heard their new stuff either. He said he's just not into them. Howard said it seems like nonsense to argue about what kind of music you like. Howard said they had some okay songs. Fred played one of their songs that Howard actually liked. It was ''Uncle John's Band.'' Howard said he listened to it like 50 times trying to get into it and it just sat around gathering dust.
Howard said when he took acid his roommate turned on the Grateful Dead and he bummed out. He said it wasn't a good combo. He said he wasn't sure how anyone listened to that.
Howard said he's not sure what he's going to do with that. Robin said people gave up their lives to follow them around the country. Howard said follow the Stones or the Beatles. He said it shows that the Dead weren't that good. He said they just let the people hang with them 24/7.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he has ever seen the super hot Israeli army girls. Howard said he doesn't do that. The caller said that the women aren't even in army outfits. He said they're in bikinis carrying M16s. Howard said he's not into that. Robin said G. Gordon Liddy had a calendar with women like that. Howard said the women weren't that hot in the calendar either. He said they were 5s and 6s at the most.
Howard said he finally saw a Stormy Daniels porn. He said that she's not his type. He said her tits are too big and she's not skinny enough. Howard said he was watching her get fucked on her car hood by a dude. He said he started to look to the right hand side and saw other videos to watch. He said he was on to another thing after a short time. He said he watched a step brother and step sister fighting and the step mom tells them they have to get along. He said the brother and sister started going at it. He said the mom is such an idiot she doesn't know what's going on. He said he was watching it like it was better than Black Swan.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw the picture of Elizabeth Hurley with her nips hanging out. Howard said they claim her son took it. Howard said that guy is a good photographer. Robin asked how old he is. Howard said who cares.
Jason said he jerked off to the same porn video the other night. Jason said that they were fucking behind the breakfast bar and the mom had no idea.
Howard said Elizabeth hurly's son is 15. He said she looks really hot for a 52 year old. Gary said she was up there last week and guys were going nuts. He said she really looked good. Howard said he hopes her son takes more photos. He said it is disturbing that a 15 year old is taking pictures of his mom all sexed up. Howard said he can't imagine doing that. The caller asked if he would like to be that mom and the step son. Howard ended up doing his mom's voice and talking about him taking photos of her.
Howard said Elizabeth Hurley is back in the limelight again. He said she must be promoting something. JD said she's that show ''Royals'' on the E! network. Howard asked JD what he's talking about. JD had to explain what he was saying.
Howard did his mother's voice again and talked about him taking pictures of her nipples. Howard had her talking about her tampon string and her big bush hanging out of her panties. Howard said her nipple hair is showing too.
The caller asked if they can get someone to take a picture of Robin like that. Howard was still going with his mom's voice talking about taking her picture. Howard said imagine that shoot. He had her spreading her lips so they could see her clit and things like that.
Howard asked what Elizabeth Hurley was wearing up there. Gary said he can try to get a picture. Gary said she was wearing a big tittie dress. Howard said he gets that. Robin didn't understand what he meant by that. Howard said he got it.
Howard asked if you can imagine a 15 year old taking pictures of his mother like that. Robin said there's no one else that can snap a picture of her. Howard asked if she explained why he did that. Howard said that's the most bizarre photo shoot ever. Gary said he didn't see her interviewed. Howard asked if it's her son or step son. Robin said it's her son. Howard said he'd like to interview her about that. Robin said she would too and then turn her over to social services. Howard did more of his mother's voice talking about taking her photo. He had her telling him to put blush on her taint.
Howard said he has other things to do today. He said he can't be talking about this stuff. He said he has business to conduct. Howard cracked himself up when he said they have to make money with commercials after talking about pussy lips for a half hour. Howard had his mother saying that she raised a genius. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard said he was wondering what happens next after his mom calls Tony. Howard said maybe they have a baby together. Howard and Robin talked about Merv Griffin and Mike Douglas doing the same improv bits on their shows.
Howard had Steve Nowicki on the phone as Tony Governale again. Howard did his mom's voice and did his improv with him like Connie the caller had suggested. Howard said this is going nowhere. He said you're just waiting and nothing happens.
Howard had his mom talking about her doctor who brought her medication on a Sunday. She was telling fake Tony this story.
Howard said it's like pulling teeth working with Tony Governale. He said he just made Connie's dream come true. He said it's awesome. He said you can listen to that for years and years and laugh at it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to talk about the Jews and why they're bad. Howard laughed and thanked her for getting them into that. The caller said it's two Jews in her life. She said she was in school and this Jew was a new kid in her class. Howard said this is Mel Gibson's wife by the way. The caller went on to say that the Jew offered to hold her books while she opened her locker. She said they ended up going out and they'd go in the basement and do stuff down there. She said she's trying to tell her story. Howard said he's sorry for interrupting her anti-Semitism. He said he didn't mean to interrupt.
The caller said the Jew would ask her to do his math homework. She said she was a year ahead of him in math so she could do it for him easily. Howard said she has a way with a story. She said come 12th grade he has great math scores and he gets accepted to Harvard. She said he dumped him for another girl. She said she helped him get into Harvard and he dumped her. Howard asked where she went. She said she went to Cornell. She said that guy is a lawyer who defends drug dealers now.
The caller, Suzy, said she has another Jew story. She said that she met another Jewish guy at a frat party. Howard said he's sure he was in love with her because of her beautiful voice and personality. Suzy knew that he was being sarcastic. Howard said he's really not. Suzy said she was out at the beach with this guy and he was driving her home. She said they were at a gas station gassing up. Howard cut her off asking what the temperature was outside at the time. Suzy said he was inside for 45 minutes. She said that he gets back in and he's in a bad mood with her. She said then he dumps her. She said that he turned out to be a homosexual. Robin asked if that's because he was a Jew. Suzy said no but it was two first loves of her life that just happened to be Jews.
Howard said he has another woman on the phone to talk about the Jews with Suzy. He took a call from one of the guys in the back (Chris maybe) and the caller was doing an impression of Suzy talking about the Jews. Howard let the two of them talk about the Jews going back and forth.
Howard asked if it's nice to meet someone just like her. Suzy said she doesn't think she's on the same wavelength. Howard had the two keep talking for a short time. Suzy was talking about some stuff she had discussed about the noses of certain Jews and how she can identify them. She said that they curl down so the sand won't blow up their noses and prevent them from breathing. Robin asked if she's an anthropologist. Suzy said she's not. She said that she had lots of Jew friends at Cornell because it's very ''Jewy'' up there.
Howard asked fake Suzy what she thinks about that. Fake Suzy asked if Suzy knows what they call New York. Suzy said ''Jew York.'' Fake Suzy laughed hard.
Howard asked if Suzy if there's a moment in the day that she doesn't think about the Jews. Suzy said maybe when she's sleeping. She said she dreams about puppy dogs and her non-Jewish husband. Howard asked if she's with a good guy now. Suzy said she is. She said he's an atheist and Buddhist. She said she was raised a Quaker herself. Fake Suzy said she was raised Amish. She said they were raising barns. Suzy said they're making up this person. Howard said he's not. Suzy said she's an actual Amish person. Fake Suzy said she is too.
Howard asked if Suzy has anything nice to say about the Jews. Suzy said that she thinks they make good doctors and lawyers. Howard asked if she'll go see that Hitler play. Suzy said that she hates Hitler more than the Jews. She said she did see Hitler as a baby and he was a cute baby. Fake Suzy said he was adorable. He said he had cute little toes. Suzy said he was a painter and he was a bad painter.
Howard asked Suzy if she had to save a Jew or someone in ISIS which one would it be. She said she'd save the Jew. Howard asked if she would save a Jew or a Gay. Suzy said a Gay. Suzy said that she'd have to save her second Jew boyfriend because he was both.
Howard said that fake Suzy and Suzy should be friends. Fake Suzy said her name is Carol. Carol said that Suzy is her kind of gal. Suzy said she loves the African Americans other than them using the N-word. Howard said he loves both Suzy and Carol. Howard let them go a short time later.
Howard said that was great. He said the reason he says Natalie Portman is an asshole is because this is what's out there. He said don't sit there fighting with Israel. He said when that lady gets in change you'll be begging for Israel and Benjamin Netanyahu.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a Jew in Delaware. He said he's been there 22 years and it's like little Israel there. He said that it's scary down there sometimes. Howard let him go and said that was his point to Natalie. He said you don't need to be knocking Israel. He said they have enough people knocking it. He said just go get your award and be happy someone is looking at you. He said that's the kind of stuff Benjamin Netanyahu has to deal with. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard said he was busy yesterday and one of the things was Gary saying that he got a link to HBO's Rock & Roll Hall of Fame show. Howard said they edited it down. He said he wanted to see how they edited his speech. He said he wanted to do that before he goes promoting it. He said he went to the link and it didn't work. He said it had to be on Gary's computer. He said he was writing Gary asking why the link didn't work and Gary didn't know. Gary said he was up until 10:30 last night getting him a link. Gary said he didn't realize it was unique to his computer. Howard said he walked in this morning and asked if he watched it. He said he sent the link at 10:30 last night. Howard said he doesn't watch stuff early.
Howard said he hasn't seen it yet. Gary said they edited everyone. Howard said he just wanted to be sure. He said he has no skin in the game. He said he's not getting paid for it. He said he doesn't give a fuck to promote it. Howard said he got nothing but a headache out of that whole thing.
Howard said he has a few clips to play. He said he has Tom Arnold coming in too. Robin asked what he's promoting. Howard said he has a couple of things. He said he's still talking about Roseanne too.
Howard said he has a few things to play and one of them is a clip of a guy prank calling InfoWars and saying he's jerking off to Roger Stone. Howard played that one and the guy said he's a big fan of Roger's and he looks good in his suspenders. Then he said he looks a lot better than Larry King. The guy said he likes to watch shows like this and batch off to them. The caller said he's having a good time jacking off. They cut him off and said this is a family show so they had to dump out of it.
Howard said he likes that Roger Stone thinks there's a guy jacking off to him. He said that was great.
Howard said there are these televangelists out there and he finds it hard to believe that people send them money. He said if you're struggling financially then just go on TV and say God is your friend and people will send you money.
Howard said Jim Bakker claims that God told someone that he had sent two scientists to cure cancer but they were aborted. Howard said you have to hear this. Howard played the clip and Jim claims that God told someone that we haven't had a cure for cancer because they were aborted. Howard said the stupid asses aborted the wrong ones. Howard said Bakker also claims that they aborted the Terminator. He said that was a good one though. He said somehow they missed the Hitler abortion.
Howard said this clip is the Ugandan president, Yoweri Museveni, who has been in power since 1986. He said this is him lecturing the citizens that the mouth is for eating and not for oral sex. Howard played the clip and the guy was talking about how the mouth is only for eating, not for sex. Robin asked what's happening that he's saying this. Howard said maybe he has never had his dick sucked. Howard said he thought they didn't eat in Africa. He said they need something to do with their mouths. Howard said he was voted in on the No Fun Party.
Howard said he has a clip of Shaq trying to do math. He said it's a good clip. He said they were having a discussion and one guy has a car that costs $80 to fill the tank. He said Shaq told him to try filling it when it's half empty and it'll cost only $20. Howard said that's crazy. He said Shaq is kind of like Bobo. He said then Shaq says if you put in a half tank then it's going to be 20. He said he thinks at the end Shaq figures it out. Howard played the clip and Shaq's logic was way out there. Shaq was arguing that it won't cost the guy $80 to fill up. He said it's 20 and it won't cost him the same.
Howard asked if you've ever heard anything so crazy. Robin said she's not sure why they're listening to that. Howard said he wants to her about basketball. He said those were JD's clips of the week. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said he loves this song. He said he heard Lauren Hill was at the hall of fame but he never saw her. He said maybe that's because he went right to bed. Gary said she performed but he thinks Howard would have been annoyed by it. He said she was good but the song went on for 15 minutes.
Howard said he has Tom Arnold there. He said he has a stand up special. He asked where he's been. Tom came in and Howard said he looks good. Tom said he is only medium fat right now. Howard said he was thinking about him because of this Roseanne show. He said that everyone is back on the show but Tom. He said that they say don't have sex with the boss. Tom asked if that's what they say. He said he's fine if that's what he has to do to get back on the show.
Howard said Tom was working in a meat packing plant and he dreamed of working with Robin Williams and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard said he was hired to be on Roseanne as the warm up comic. He said he actually started going out with Laurie Metcalf. Tom said he was also a writer. He said he was told he can't date the actors. He said that was a rule in Hollywood. He said he had to stop dating Laurie and then Roseanne made him marry her. He said she apparently lied to him. He said that if people are really mean to him that's a turn on apparently.
Howard said he was kind of interested in Laurie. Tom said they just had a night. He said that you don't know how things are going to go. Howard said he had Roseanne and John Goodman on the show and they said they were never romantic. Tom said whatever. He said there was something that night. Howard said he said to them that they have such good chemistry. Tom said they did kiss and make out that night. Howard asked why the secret. Tom said he doesn't know. Howard said maybe it was just sex and not romantic. Tom said he did her roast. He said he didn't talk to her and then they asked him to do her roast.
Tom said that John Goodman didn't do her roast. He said he did and she begged him to do it. He said he showed up and he was nervous to do it. He said it was nice and they had a moment. He said then he got the fuck out of there. He said when the show was coming back he said to his manager that he should call his agent. He said that his agent stuck with him through all of his stuff. He said he had him call and ask who Roseanne's agent is. He said he was up for doing the reboot. Tom said that her agent is now John Burnham who was his agent who stuck with him. He said that he was with him until a couple of months ago. He said that he didn't mention this to him. Tom said he was a loyal guy. He said he's not sure why he wants her back.
Howard said he has to talk about this. Tom said his manager busted him on this. He said he was going to just walk into his office and be funny about it. Howard asked if it's hilarious or not. Tom said it's totally inappropriate. He said his whole agency stopped returning his emails. He said that he was with ICM and they stopped. He said they were trying to block everything he was doing. He said that he can't get his agents on the phone now.
Howard asked if he thinks after all these years that Roseanne is still kind of fucking with him a little bit. Tom said he doesn't think that. He said it's weird that this guy was with him forever and now he's with Roseanne. He said he just stopped working with him. He said he signed with a new agency. He said that it became so hilarious that they asked them to send a nice email to him about his special and they can't even do that because they're afraid that Roseanne is going to freak out.
Howard asked if Tom thinks that Roseanne is the one saying don't contact him. Tom said he doesn't know. He said John is also Woody Allen's agent. He said that ICM and John are grown people. Howard asked if he has spoken to John since this went down. Tom said no. He said he can't. Howard asked if there is a conspiracy against Tom Arnold. Tom said he has known Trump for 30 years and he never thought he'd be president. He said that he knew him pretty well. He said that when he started the birther stuff he thought they should have fired him. He said he knew he was kind of racist from stuff Trump had said. He said that he came from a small town like Obama did. He said that you get made fun of and all of that. He said that it always touched him that Obama went through that. He said then Trump is saying that he wasn't born here. He said that his grandfather isn't alive to grab him and tell him that's his fucking kid. Tom said he called Mark Burnett and said he has to stand up to this. He said that ever since then he's been saying this is outrageous.
Howard said he has to catch up on all of this stuff. He said he hasn't seen Tom in a while. Howard said it must kill him that Roseanne is doing so well. Tom said he doesn't mind. He said this show he's there to promote on Viceland is about finding the Trump Tapes. He said that Roseanne is a conspiracy therapy person and she thinks that Mueller is working with Trump to put Obama in Guantanamo Bay. He said that there are so many things that she's putting out there. Howard said it is weird that it's out there. Tom said people believe her too.
Tom said he wanted to get Roseanne out of it and have her just say she started to believe it and it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Howard asked Tom if he can get on an ABC show today if he wants to. Tom said no. Howard asked if he could go on Jimmy's show. Tom said he's afraid to ask Jimmy. He said that he has done stuff with Jimmy and one of their doctors worked on his son. He said that he didn't want to ask Jimmy because if ABC said no he'd rather not deal with that. He said he thinks Jimmy might put him on the show but he doesn't want to put him under that pressure. He said he doesn't ask. Tom said he doesn't want to ask him because he has done so much for him and he does the right thing.
Tom said that ICM is still representing him but not booking anything for him. He said they're kind of breaking the law there. Tom said he doesn't care what they do but they should let him know what they're doing. He said they won't contact him. Tom said that they claim that Roseanne is being black bailed but she has a network show and he's got a show on Viceland which is on cable.
Howard said Roseanne is consumed with him if she's blocking him from working. Tom said she's in the way like a lot of people are.
Howard asked Tom about this show he's developing. Tom said it's on now and it's called The Hunt for the Trump Tapes. Howard said what he's saying is that there were tapes that they have that were shot during The Apprentice of Donald being racist or saying unacceptable things. Tom said that's one tape. Howard said he claims he saw the tape. Tom said he did. He said that the tape was sent around to people. Howard said now they say that they have disappeared. Howard said he's calling for Mark Burnett to release them. Howard said if they were sent out to people then they should be out there. Tom said they were sent out digitally and they had a time expiration on them. He said Mark has thousands of hours of tape of Trump. He said he has hundreds of thousands of hours. Tom said that he saw Trump using the N-word in the tape he saw. He said it might be from 2006 or so. Tom said he's putting together this thing. Howard asked if that's the big offense. Tom said people were hammering Hillary and he was like fuck Trump. He said he's a fucking racist. He said he had seen this tape and he mentioned it. He said all of his friends said there was no way he was going to win. He said he knew he was going to win and he started blurting out what he saw on that tape. He said then Arnold Schwarzenegger's agent called him and said he has to release that tape.
Tom said that he called Judd Apatow and asked him what to do. He said that the person who has the tape, the original person, would be destroyed if he released it. He said that Judd told him not to do it. Howard said it probably wouldn't have changed the outcome of the election.
Howard asked if he knows the name of the person who has the tape. Tom said he knows where the master footage is. He said that there is way more tape than just that. He said there are out takes from all of The Apprentice shows. He said that if there was sexual harassment going on in the workplace where those tapes are then Gloria Allred might be interested in them.
Tom said that everything the President does becomes history. He said that Howard has sat with him and he knows what he's said. Howard said his tapes are all over the internet. Tom said Howard never cut him off. He said he just lets them talk. He said he's done that with him and Roseanne. Tom asked if he would ever put them together in a compilation. Howard said no. He said Trump said it in the spirit of entertainment. He said he knew he was on the air. Howard said all of the tapes are out there anyway.
Howard said Tom says that they have tape of him off camera saying things. Howard asked why it's important to release them. Tom said it's because they claim they don't exist. He said that there's also a tape of him allegedly hitting Melania in an elevator. He said that there's the pee-pee tape too. He said that tape has to be released.
Howard asked Tom if he finds the tapes is it going to change history or is it going to be the same thing as the ''Grab 'em by the pussy'' tape. Tom said that's what Mark Burnett said to him. He said he talked to Mark and he wanted to rebuild that tape. He said that Mark said that once you've heard the grab the pussy tape then where to you go from there? He said Mark claims he sold the show to MGM but then he found out he's the CEO of MGM. He said it's bullshit.
Howard said Trump must have known there was going to be a lot of tape and maybe Mark said he'll protect him. He asked if he would be wrong to release the tape. Tom said he's right but then Trump became president. He said 4 million people more don't have insurance since Trump took office. He said he's affecting lives. He said Mark gave him cover and he thinks he's complicit in all of this. Howard said he sees what he's saying. Howard asked if he's getting close to getting the tapes. Tom said he is. He said that they're close to understanding what the conversation was. He said he's been working with Ronan Farrow on this. He said he's helped him and Ronan is helping him with his show. Tom said he knows there are great journalists out here making headway. Tom said this shit is going down.
Howard asked if he now has the tapes. Tom said he has better than the tapes. He said he's been on tape from day one. He said that he's been saying things that he has on tape. Howard asked what he has and if he should show them to Robert Mueller. Tom said when he started this he made sure that there is nothing new that would not be shared with the special council. He said people have gone after them and dropped out. He said he was sued by Michael Cohen and Michael Davidson. He said that you'll find out about it. He said they seem to drop off. He said the FBI raided Michael Cohen's office. He said they had to drop the case after that. Tom said they tried to get him to shut up about Chuck Lubella. He said that they had a web site saying he was a liar until the FBI raid of Cohen's office. He said he found that interesting.
Howard asked if he's afraid of something happening to him. Tom said everyone around Trump is D-list including him. Howard asked what he has in his possession. Tom said Trump based his whole candidacy on a lie. He said that he knows that Trump was elected on a lie. He said he knows he can take him down on a true lie. He said there's karma. Howard asked what he has that's bigger than the Apprentice. Tom said they're going after different tapes every week. Howard asked if he has that tape. Tom said they're going to do their best. Tom said he does not have that in his possession. He said he has been to the room. He said they just started with all of this. Tom said he has something. He said you'll see. Howard asked what it is. Robin said he's going to make them watch the show.
Howard said he wants to know what he has. Tom said he has a show. Howard asked if he has tape that no one knows about. Tom said he does. Howard asked why he's sitting on it. Tom said Howard sat on 33 hours of Trump tape. Howard said he didn't sit on anything. He said the stuff is out there. Tom asked if he thought he'd become president. Howard said no.
Howard asked if this tape is going to destroy Trump. Tom said that he doesn't think so. He said he's going to go do a funny show. He said that he wants people to think his show was funny and his show makes sense. He said Robert Mueller must have something on Trump. He said he doesn't care about the N-word. He said that there's a tape of Putin telling Trump to run for president. He said Chuck Lubella heard it. Howard said Chuck claims he never heard any such thing.
Howard said he wants to get back to Roseanne and stuff like that. Tom told Howard a story about going out with Ronan Farrow and meeting some other people (to be honest here I wasn't able to follow what the fuck Tom was talking about).
Howard asked Tom abut the list of things he's not to talk about. He said his wife gives him a list. Tom said she told him not to talk about Roseanne. Tom said she texted him this morning to just talk about his show and not her show. Tom said he wrote a review of the show for the Hollywood Reporter. He said he had written a story about his nephew committing suicide for them and they asked him to write this review about Roseanne. Tom said he wants everyone to do well. He said that some of his roommates are on that show. Howard asked if he has heard from anyone on the show. Tom said no. He said that Whitney Cummings was supposed to do his Podcast and she canceled and didn't tell him she was in the writer's room of Roseanne. Tom said no one said a peep to him about the show. He said maybe Roseanne asked her not to do the podcast. He said he doesn't want to put it on anyone there.
Howard said that Tom is doing okay with his family. Tom said they're doing great. Howard said on the other hand he's critical of the Roseanne show and he can't get on ABC. Tom said he doesn't care about that. Tom said look at what he has going on. He said he has his own stand up special and he's got a TV show. He said that he's doing great. Howard said he's friends with Arnold too. Howard said he heard he told Arnold not to do The Apprentice. Tom said he did. He said that he told Arnold that Trump would fuck him over. He said there goes Trump with Mark Burnett bad mouthing Arnold. He said Arnold called him up saying he was right and he did fuck him over.
Tom said that Arnold is taking him on in a much funnier way than he is. He said Arnold is bringing his own heat. He said you can't win with Trump. He said Arnold turned 70 last year. He said they had a great party. He said it was a fun party.
Howard said it's nice that they maintained that relationship since True Lies. Howard said he's one of Tom's best friends. Tom said it is great.
Howard asked Tom about his rehab and becoming sober and all of that. He said he had a relapse with Xanax. Tom said he has told this story before. He said that he was molested as a child. Howard said he was very brave about that. He said at some point he became aware that he was molested and he tracked him down and confronted the guy. Tom said he was adopting boys at the time. He said he put a stop to that. Tom said that the statute of limitations ran out on him but they were able to stop the guy from adopting boys. He said he went to the capital building and told them they had to put a stop to this guy. Tom said he was told to get out of there because it was a federal offense to even ask them to stop. He said his brother told him that something happened with his paperwork and he wasn't able to adopt a fourth son.
Tom said that anyone who is raped knows it's not their fault. He said he was left alone with this guy who was his babysitter. He said the guy had a system for doing what he did. Tom said that he'd get you in the room and then he'd have a big candy bar or something. Tom said when his son was the age he was when he was molested it got to him. He said that he started self medicating and that's what led to taking benzos. He said they're very hard to get off of. He said that he was taking them all at night and it was tough. Howard asked if he was repressing that he was an addict. Tom said he was his own doctor. He said Dax Sheppard and his friends got to him and did an intervention. He said that they said he was fucked up and he had to go away immediately. Tom said he was fucked up and he had to get off of that stuff. He said he talked to Dr. Drew about it too. He said he was so struggling and he had to get off this stuff.
Tom said they sent him down to Eric Clapton's Crossroads. Howard asked how that was. Tom said it was great. He said they have a lot of paintings around the place.
Howard asked what he thinks when he sees Chris Cornell kill himself. Tom said that he just wanted to get the fuck out of that place and then one day he saw the internet and saw Chris killed himself. He said he was one of his original guys and he knew him. He said he was a funny guy and he had a good heart. He said he wondered what the fuck happened. He said he talked to Chris' wife Vicky. He said that he was on the same stuff he was on. He said he thinks that he was medicating himself. He said the benzos are a little different. He said that you think about doing fantasy things and that's why he thinks that Chris may have done what he did. He said that you lose your shit and that film comes to life and you just lose it. He said he thinks that he wrapped something around his neck. He said you're out of your mind and it's like a movie and then it's real. He said that he may not even know what he was doing. Tom said he's driven into traffic and people think he was brave but it was just the drugs. He said when Chris died he had to get himself off the stuff.
Howard asked about the rehab and if there's a pool and all of that. Tom said there is. He said he broke a lot of rules down there. He said that he bought someone teeth. He said you're not supposed to give the locals money. He said it's showing off. He said that it's a wonderful place though.
Howard asked Tom about the new Viceland show. Tom said it's going to air before the midterms. He said he's trying to get it to go along with the Mueller investigation. Tom said after this Michele Wolf bullshit thing... He said that the whole thing was an over reaction. He said people thought she was making fun of Sarah's glass eye. Howard said he didn't know she had a glass eye. Tom said that she has a glass eye. He said she lost it in some childhood tragedy. Howard said she has a pretty good glass eye if that's the case. Tom said that is a true story. Howard said he had no idea. He said he's sorry to hear that. Tom said he loves her dad. He said he's a sweet guy. Howard said his guys say there is no mention of a glass eye at all on the internet. Tom said there is something going on with her eye. Howard said he has to fact check him. Tom said there is something weird going on there. Howard said maybe it's a lazy eye. Tom said maybe that's it. He said it is a sensitive area. Howard said make sure he has a lawyer go over his Viceland show.
Howard said his stand up special is ''Past, Present, Imperfect.'' He said it's going to be on demand on June 5th. Tom said that's right. He said that this is a really good one too. Howard asked what his favorite topic is. Tom said being a father. Howard said speaking of that he heard his father died. Howard said he's sorry to hear that. Tom said that his dad was a single father. He said his mother took off. He said she was an alcoholic. He said she passed away early too. Howard asked if his mother had both eyes. Tom said she did. Howard said he heard that his dad was dying and he went to see him.
Tom said he heard a story about his dad and he had a friend who had no thumbs. He said that when that guy got up in age he lost control of his bodily functions. He said his dad would clean the guy up every day after work. He said that's what a real man does. He said his dad retired at 65 and he went to work delivering things for doctors. He said he wouldn't go to a doctor though. He said he called his dad one day and he didn't sound good. He said that he was going to go see a guy in 3 months. Tom said he called the ambulance and had them pick him up. He said he had cancer all over. He said that the doctor said he had to have had it for a year. He said he died 4 days later. He said he's grateful that he didn't suffer more than he did. He said that he's glad he got to spend some time with him. He said that he took his dad to the bathroom one day and he had to clean him up. He said he was eyeball to eyeball. He said that he cleaned him up and took him back to bed. He said it turns out he didn't need to wipe his ass. He said that he could wipe his own ass. He said his dad let him do it though. He said he did it for nothing. He said there's always a message there.
Howard said Tom has blown the lid off a lot of things but he has to let it sink in. He said he has said a lot and opened himself up. He said he examined his own life and let it all out. Howard gave him some more plugs and wrapped up.
Gary came in and said that Tom is supposed to be reading some number or something. Tom had a note in his hand he forgot about. He said that if you have any trump tape for him then go to Viceland.com/Tips to send them the information. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said it's Jeff the Drunk's birthday. He asked how old Robin thinks he is. Robin said 65. Howard said he's 51. Howard asked how you celebrate when you look 65 but you're only 51. Howard had Jeff on the phone and Jeff said he doesn't look 65. Howard played a song parody about Jeff.
Howard asked Jeff if he has learned anything in his 51 years. Jeff said he has. He said he learned how to light a joint with one arm. Howard said that's what he thought. Jeff asked if he has a game to play. Howard said he doesn't have one to play. He said he's going to do the news and leave. It's too late for that.
Howard took a call from Balls who said that Tom might go down in history as one of the best guests. Howard said he has to go digest everything he was saying. Balls said Howard was barely able to get a word in. Howard said he's okay with that.
Balls asked Howard what relaxes him the most when he's at home. Howard said don't bust his balls over that. He said it's sleeping. Howard said maybe reading a book or reading the paper. Balls asked about after sex. Howard said that's not an activity. Howard said he asked what activity relaxes him. Balls said sex is an activity. Howard said he has to go. Balls said they can't all be winners.
Howard said he watched Supergirl last night. He said it's good. Robin said that he made fun of her for watching Agents of SHIELD. She said she can't believe he's still watching that. Howard said Supergirl got cut on her hand last night and he's not sure how. He said she was fighting a super villain and got infected and they just cut her hand. Howard said she's Supergirl so that doesn't happen. Howard said he was going to write them and tell them they should call the show ''Girl'' instead. He said she's not Supergirl. Howard said she gets her ass kicked every time. Robin asked why he's watching that show. Howard said he just likes it. Robin said don't complain about Agents of SHIELD then.
Howard said he got jealous of Ryan Seacrest. He said he's just reading off the teleprompter and he's doing the same shtick on American Idol. He said that guy is making a fortune doing that show. Robin said he's the only one they needed back. Howard said he bought into it. Robin said he's the best at that announcer thing where they say the same one phrase over and over. She said it's the way he says ''This... is American Idol.'' Howard said it's such a bad show. He said he loves it though.
Howard said he was going to get a hair cut before the hall of fame appearance. He said his hair tightens up a lot. He said that comic Nancy had a tight afro and he looks like that. He said he wanted to look Rock and Roll for that thing. He said on Monday he got a hair cut and now his hair is just a little tight. Robin asked who cares. Howard said he's showing a little too much face. He said he has to spend time working on his face.
Robin read a story about how Mean Girls just got more Tony nominations than any other show. Robin said that Tina Fey is having a great life and she's not complaining about anything.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been dying to get on the show for years. He said he'll do anything to get on the show. He said he wants to be in the studio. Howard asked why he would want to do that. Howard said he just wants to look at them. The caller said he wants to have a nice conversation with him on the air. Howard asked if he'd get a cock cheese moustache to get in there. The caller said whatever it takes. Howard asked what he wants to talk about. The caller said he loves the way he bashes Trump and talks to people. Howard asked what he would do right now if he was in there. The caller said whatever he wants to talk about. Howard said he didn't know he had to do all of the work. The caller asked if he likes sports. Robin asked if he listens to the show.
Howard asked the caller, AJ, about coming in and how the interview is going to go. Howard said he's going to come in and he has to feel his way through it. Howard said he knows nothing about AJ but it will be interesting to the audience. AJ said Howard can make anything interesting. Howard said he doesn't mean to insult him but he can barely tolerate talking to him right now. He asked if his appearance will be more appealing. AJ said he looks sort of like Howard when he puts a wig on. Howard said what he's saying is he's going to come in there and he has to make him interesting. Howard said he's tempted to do this to challenge himself. Howard said he has to tell him it's a tough assignment. Howard said he might be the one thing that will bring him down. AJ said he might bring him up. Howard asked if he has an interesting occupation. AJ said he does. Howard asked what he does. AJ said he's working at ShopRite right now. He said that he lost a job at a hospital.
Howard told Gary to cancel Mick Jagger and book AJ. Gary asked if he cares what he thinks. Gary said he works really hard every day and this guy is heavy lifting. Howard said he thinks he's jumping to a conclusion. He said lets continue like he's live in here. Howard said AJ works at the grocery store. Howard asked what he does there. AJ said he works in the frozen food department. Howard said now they're getting interesting. Howard said he has to get out of this. He said he'll get back to him if he wants him in there.
Robin read a story about the world's first head transplant being a success. Robin said they say they completed the transplant on a corpse. Robin said she's not sure how that's successful. Robin said they're now ready to try it on a living being.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks it's a good idea to have a regular guy in the studio. He said he should have him in there. Howard thanked the guy for that.
Robin read a story about a penis and scrotum transplant that happened last week. Howard said a soldier got that. Howard said it was a total transplant. Howard said he had lost his in a IED explosion. Howard said the operation took 14 hours. Robin said it took a team of like 9 people to do the operation. Howard said the guy won't be producing sperm. He said they think that would be unethical. Howard said they say the guy will gain full use of the penis and he will be able to have an erection and will be able to have sex. Howard said they say there are a lot of soldiers who have lost their genitals in accidents like that. Howard said if you're an organ donor they don't always let a penis be used. He said they have to get special permission for that. He said he should offer his cock for a transplant. He said he'd be denied based on the size. Robin said that you have to be on anti-rejection medication the rest of your life. Howard said he knows he'd be turned down to use his penis. He said the guy would look down and ask ''where is it?'' Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a catholic school where they were passing out modesty ponchos to girls who were dressed inappropriately. Howard said he likes that. Robin said some students and parents were calling the policy a form of body shaming. Robin said the school has backed off.
Robin read a story about Avicii and said she's getting more and more fascinated with his music. Howard said he ignored it while he was alive. Robin said she tried to avoid it. Robin had some clips for Howard to play. She said they have some of his other hits to play too. Howard played some and didn't recognize any of them.
Howard said he has the doctor who did the penis transplant on the phone. Steve Nowicki was doing the voice of the doctor and talking about why he wanted to use his penis. He also said bring in that AJ guy who called in earlier.
Robin read a story about a woman who is facing child abuse charges after her three kids were found home alone and drunk. Robin said the oldest was seen outside defecating and simulating a sex act. Robin said she was also throwing dishes at the police. Howard said he's off the hook for Mother's day. He said his mother called about 2 years go. He did her voice telling him not to get her anything anymore. She said she got flowers one year and there were bugs all over her house after. She's not looking for flowers. Then she said don't send fruit because they won't eat it. Howard said they could offer it to people. He had his mom talking about how they don't eat fruit at home. They eat it at the yogurt shop.
Robin read a story about Matt Groening who created The Simpson's and how he has been saying that people love to pretend to be offended. Robin said he's been talking about people being upset about the character Apu who owns the Quik-E-Mart on the show. Robin said there's a whole documentary that was made about the character and the problem with it. Howard said Hank Azaria said he won't do it anymore if people are upset with it. Robin said this is animation. She said hire an Indian and let Hank do the other voices. Robin said Hank has said he's ready to transition to another person.
Howard had a clip of Hank Azaria doing Baba Booey stuff in his different voices from the Simpsons. Howard said he loves that Gary wasted Hank's time with that. He did his Gary voice and goofed on him about that. He said he's sitting there wondering why he did that. Gary said he had nothing to do with that. Howard said he thought he did. Howard said find out who is responsible and fire them.
Robin read a story about Senator John McCain's new book where he takes on president Trump. Robin had a quote from the book. Howard said John is a real tough guy. Robin read about some of the other things he writes about in his book. She said the book will be out later this month. Howard said John McCain is a real man. He said he was locked up in a tiger cage in Vietnam and he refused to leave without his troops.
Robin said Trump is praising the crew of the Southwest Airlines flight where they had a passenger almost get sucked out the window. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the president's former doctor saying that he got an unexpected visit from some guys who demanded Trumps records. Robin said he was completely shocked by the whole thing. Robin had some audio of the doctor talking about what happened. He said he felt raped and frightened. He had been Trump's doctor for 30 years. Robin said they took everything to do with Trump in his office. Robin had some audio of the guy claiming that telling people that Trump uses Propecia was wrong. Howard said he's with Trump on this one. He said that's Trump's private business. He said no doctor does that. Howard said that guy didn't have that traditional doctor look. He said he looks like one of the guys in the Moody Blues. Robin said that they're also saying that Trump wrote the letter where the doctor claimed that he was in great health. Robin had audio of the doctor talking about how Trump dictated it himself. Robin said they asked Sarah Huckabee Sanders about that. Robin had some audio for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about how most American's are on board with same sex marriage. Howard said he is. He said he's more for it than hetero marriage. He said he loves when people who are in love can get married. Robin said 44 states are supporting it. Robin read the states that don't and Howard said how about breaking the stereotype and just allow it.
Robin read a story about Facebook getting into a dating service. Robin said that they announced this at a developer conference. Robin said they say it's a natural fit for them because so many people are listed as single. Howard said it's already a dating site. He said that some dummies don't already get it. Robin said that sent stocks of other dating sites tumbling. Howard said here are 2.2 billion monthly active users on Facebook. Robin said that's amazing. Howard said he likes it. He said he's on Facebook and he loves to see how women he went to school with are aging.
Robin brought up Michael Avenatti and how they were talking about him the other day. Robin said now he's following her on Twitter. Howard said she wrote to him all giddy about that. Robin said she wasn't giddy. Howard said he just assumed she was.
Robin read a story about the Gibson guitar company filing for bankruptcy protection. Howard said kids these days aren't playing. He said that he's a Stratocaster man himself. Fred said he likes Gibson. He said he likes Fender too but he prefers Gibson. Robin said Chuck Berry's guitar was bolted to the inside of his coffin. Robin read about some other big Gibson users.
Robin brought up Kanye West and had Howard play some of his music. Howard said he has a massive headache after hearing that. Robin had some audio of Kanye talking about slavery on TMZ yesterday. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.