Howard started the show talking about how he got into drinking coffee and now they say there's a link to cancer. He said Beth broke the news to him. Robin said she thought they had just cleared coffee. Howard said they say it's real bad. Fred said he read about that and in particular Starbucks. Howard said he likes Dunkin Donuts better. He asked why it's one over the other. Fred said he's not sure. Gary said the guys are saying that it has something to do with the roasting process. Howard said maybe it's just Starbucks then. Robin said others may roast like Starbucks. Robin read a story about the cancer causing thing in the coffee that they were talking about.
Howard said any time he gets into anything it becomes a disaster. He said that if he hadn't gotten into coffee it wouldn't be a problem. He said he's paranoid about water out of the tap so he drinks bottled water. They say that the bottles can cause cancer too. Robin said she only drinks out of glass bottles. She said when you touch a bottle of water it's very thin. Howard said he has noticed that. He said it's almost not there.
Howard said they're going to get to Ronnie this morning. He said that the sex review caused a lot of stir on Wednesday. He said they'll get into that. He said he took a sex toy in his ass. He said they won't get to that yet though.
Howard said he might be in love with this guy. He said this is his kind of song. Howard asked Robin if ''Thank You'' is better than this. Robin said she never thought that song was the best love song. Howard said this song is like him in high school. He said all of these good looking dudes get the girls but he's a good guy. He said that's what he's saying Bruce is saying.
Howard said he has to get Bruce in there to do the two songs. Gary said that he talked to his manager and he likes all of the nice things he's been saying. He said he saw him back stage and he was very eloquent talking to Bruce back there. Gary said Howard wasn't always a Bruce fan. Howard said he wasn't but he played it up on the air to goof on Gary. He said he didn't know Gary was right about this stuff. He said it's beautiful. Gary said this is the tour that Bruce and Patty fell in love on so that's why the songs are so great when they perform them.
Howard played more of the song and said he was painting and crying with the song. Gary said he used a quote from ''Brilliant Disguise'' in his book. He told Howard what the lyrics were. Howard said he can't believe that's in ''They Call me Baba Booey.'' Howard said he never read the book. Gary said he knew that. Gary said he put that quote right in the front. He said he grew up in an insanely dysfunctional family and he had to doubt everything that was real.
Robin said she learned that Howard did a lot for her when she went to therapy. She said she saw the world in a very weird way. She said she can't tell what's truth and what's fiction. Howard said her music was never more appropriate. Fred was playing her old news theme.
Howard said he painted his ass off over the weekend. He said every year there's a charity he does a doodle for and he somehow got hooked into doing this. He said they do it for hunger or some charity. He said he did a doodle but then it turned into a painting. He said he figured he couldn't do that. He said he was going to spend 15 minutes on it but it turned into 3 days. He said it was a snowscape and now he's keeping it instead. He said he will give it to his daughter instead.
Howard said this album is his album now. He said he puts it on and paints to it. He said he might have written the greatest love song ever which is ''Brilliant Disguise.''
Jim said that it's going to be 70 degrees down there. Howard said he knows. He said it was nice over the weekend there in the city. Robin said flowers were popping up and all of that. Howard said this is just fucking crazy. He said it's really coming down out there. He said it makes it impossible to get around. He said it's disgusting and wet out there. Robin said trees are still down and they can't even clean up. Howard said you can't even take a shit in Puerto Rico. He said he knows a guy who is still trying to flush a shit 4 years later.
Howard asked Jim what he can do for him. Jim asked if Laura Ingraham should get fired and lose her show. Howard said he has a long answer for that. Howard said Laura was a commentator on FOX News. He said as a radio guy who is controversial he knows when you do a show live that you try to be entertaining. He said he empathizes with her over that part of it. He said she's trying to make the show entertaining. He said she's accused of saying something. Jim said it was a tweet. Howard said she said something about a kid who was speaking out about gun control. He asked what it was she said. Jim said he knows what she said. He said she was saying that he was whining about not getting into college. Robin said he got into some but not others. Jim said the ones he wanted to get into he didn't.
Howard said when you do live radio you don't think about things and he has said things that he regrets. He said to say it on Twitter is a little more well thought out. He said it's in poor taste. Howard said these are high school kids. He said he's not sure why she'd want to attack high school kids. He said they got shot at. Howard said he doesn't know Laura very well but she's kind of a poor man's Ann Coulter. He said he thinks that she wants to be noticed and make her mark at FOX News. He said it's her time to arrive. He said that she said something stupid and then people start asking people to cancel their advertising.
Howard said he wants to defend performers who entertain but he read about this woman and she's particularly evil. He said that he didn't know anything about her until this happened. He said she did something despicable and he can't defend anyone who does this. Howard said FOX News hired her to be exactly what she's being. He said she says outrageous things and she disregards the facts. He said they all do this on every news show though. He said she did something in college that was so bad. He said this woman Laura spied of went to a gay kids meeting on campus and found out the names of the kids and put them in the school newspaper. He said it was a private meeting. He said that crosses the line for him. He said he knows when you out a kid in college who hasn't dealt with this fully it's wrong.
Howard said that he's reading about this in the Dartmouth Review. He said that she sent an undercover reporter to the meeting and then printed the transcript of the meeting in the paper. He said he could never take that upon himself to out someone like that. He said that they might not be fully versed in negotiating the emotions that go along with being ostracized as a gay person. Robin said she doesn't care or have any empathy for other people in the world. Howard said years later she apologized for what she did because she has a gay family member. Howard said a lot of people have changed their views on homosexuality and what it means. He said he couldn't do something like that to someone who is privately gay. He said that's a special kind of evil.
Howard said this woman mailed the minutes to the parents of these kids too. He said holy mackerel. Robin asked how you hire someone like that. Howard said that's the point he was going to get to. He said FOX News knew about all of this and they hired her so they shouldn't fire her.
Howard said this woman apologized for what she said and it was a half hearted apology. He said that she says in the spirit of the holy week she's going to apologize. Howard said this woman isn't someone he'd want to do business with. He said her judgment is fucked up. He said she crossed a line. He said she mailed the parents the notes. He said imagine that.
Howard said he wants to give her the benefit of the doubt because he can't believe she did this. He said he can't imagine anyone would be so dark. He said FOX should not fire her. He said he suspects that Roger Ailes wasn't even willing to hire her. He said he's not sure who is in change over there now but they must just want anyone to get them ratings. He said they do draw the line somewhere. He said Bill O'Reilly got fired over his sex stuff. He said they have a line they draw. He said he doesn't know the woman and her views but maybe she's sorry for what she did. He said he doesn't know for sure.
Howard it's crazy to do that to a gay person. Robin said they outed some kid at a school a few years ago in New Jersey and the kid killed himself. Howard said it's just so wrong. He asked who the fuck would do that. Howard said forget the gay issue. He said she mailed the kid's parents. He said the answer to the question about her being fired is ''No.'' Jim said it does set a bad precedent when you go after the advertisers. Howard said he doesn't know what to tell him. He said he had no opinion on her until he read about her in college. He said that whole thing freaks him out. He said we've all done dumb shit in our lives but that's just mean. Robin said she's still retro and won't let her daughter go to a restaurant that has a transgender bathroom. Robin said she also says that trans people should wear diapers instead of going to the bathroom. Howard said that's like something Ann Coulter would say.
Howard said outing a young gay kid is just evil. He said that's Charles Manson evil. Robin said she could still do something like that. She said her feelings for people don't go along with other people's feelings. She said she just wants people to be like her.
Howard asked if Laura is hot or not. Robin said she's not bad. Howard said he's trying to think of women who are hot. He said Emily Ratajkowski is hot. He said she's always in the paper half naked. He said he's thinking about her and if he found out she emailed gay people and outed them if he'd still be able to fuck her. Robin asked if people would find out. Howard said they would. He said that maybe one time in bed. He said he might be so scared of her. He said that's scary stuff.
Jim asked about Nikki Haley. Howard said he'd fuck her. He said he'd fuck Fred if he'd put on a wig. Jim said that she's a conservative broad that he might disagree with.
Howard said as far as firing her he has a strange feeling about people being fired for saying stuff on the air. He said the tweet could have been better thought out. He said broadcasters have to stop tweeting. He said fuck her, let her work at FOX. He said it's up to FOX really. Robin asked how they can fire her for this if they hired her knowing all of the things she had done. Howard said they hired her to be outrageous. He said she's doing her job so keep her.
Robin said this is under the guise of bullying people. Howard said give her a bonus because she's doing what they hired her to do. He said he thinks she stays.
Jim said people have to stop with using the bullying word when you're a grown man. He said that this kid is also asking for some of this stuff. Howard said he can't watch the news when the kids are on. He said it's all so painful for him. He said he can't watch the news. He said he just locks himself in a room and paints while listening to Bruce Springsteen. Howard said he can't imagine doing what Laura did to these kids in college.
Howard said he got so disgusted with himself jerking off last night. He said he had sex on Saturday and last night he was watching porn where this woman has a sex therapist helping her out. He said she has her thinking about what turns her on and all of this. He said then this woman is stroking this girl's thigh and then they're going at it. He said he got disgusted with the therapist sexually assaulting the woman. He said he just got turned off to the whole thing. He said the chick had a bit of a belly too.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's been listening to the show for almost 40 years. She said he raised her. She said the most romantic Bruce song is ''I'll Wait For You.'' Howard said he's not sure about that. She told Howard to listen to it. Howard asked what album it's on. She didn't know. She had the name of the song wrong too. Gary told her it was something else. Gary said the song is a good one so she's right about that. Fred played the song ''Long Walk Home.'' Howard said this is pretty good. He said he likes it. The caller said it's a duet so it gets better when his wife comes in.
Howard said this Bruce guy is a real guy. He said he wonders if he could have a real conversation with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that ''Brilliant Disguise'' isn't a love song. He said it's about something else. Howard said he's nervous or hesitant about the woman. The caller said that he switches things up later in the song. He said it's a great song but it's not a love song. Howard read some of the lyrics and insisted it was a love song. Gary said Benjy wants to come in and debate that with him too. Howard said he's had enough of that.
Howard read the lyrics again and said he has to get out of this discussion. He said he'll go home and analyze it this weekend. Robin said he can go home and just listen and enjoy himself. Robin said she saw the Revelers this weekend. Howard said he can't listen to that. He said he'd kill himself.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he just took acid about 6 hours ago and it's awesome. He said that he's only 19 years old. Howard said his experience was awful with it. The caller said he knew that but he had to try it. He said it's pure LSD. Howard said he did it but his experience was that he took 4 hits. The caller said he took half a hit. Howard said he doesn't put anyone down for trying drugs but if he could take back any stupid move in his life it would be that acid trip. He said he had complete psychosis from that. He said he lost his mind. Howard said he doesn't want to bum him out by talking about this. The caller said he's fine.
Howard said the brain chemistry is so delicate. He said he knows people who suffer from psychosis and he knows that the sanity thing is so fragile. He said he doesn't want to bum this caller out talking about this. The caller, Jack, said he doesn't think there are a lot of 19 year olds listening to the show. Howard said he's the hippest guy in town so why wouldn't other 19 year olds listen? He said he can't be the only one. Jack said he's the only one out of his friends at school. Howard said his friends are douche bags. Jack laughed.
Jack asked if it pisses him off that his shows are up on YouTube. Howard said yes. He said they will be available on the app once they get that Howard 360 thing going. Howard was disguising his voice with his harmoinzer and telling Jack he was hearing voices. Howard told him to have a nice trip. He let him go a short time later.
Howard said he had a horrible experience with acid. He said he thinks that stuff is still in his system. He said it's Russian Roulette taking that stuff. He said you don't know what you're taking. He said if it was legalized at least you'd know what you were taking.
Howard said he that he has said so far that they should not fire Laura Ingraham. He said they hired her, stick with her. He said he should take a break here. Fred said he can hear the Revelers. Howard asked to hear that. Fred played some of that and Howard cut it off and did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard said this thing he used looks like something you'd tie a dog to in your back yard. He played more of the teasers where they had an announcer talking about some of Ronnie's experiences with the sex toy. Fred had clips of Ronnie talking in his sex voice too. Howard and Fred did their impressions of that.
Howard asked if the guys want to hear this. Robin said yes. Howard said last week they talked about Ronnie testing different products at home. He said this is an Earthquake anal vibrator. He said they may have posted a picture of it on the web. Howard said it's really something. He said he should just play his sex tip again. He did that and Ronnie was talking about the ''Earthquaker Anal Vibe.'' He described it as being 12 inches long with a vibrator on the end. He said you put a lot of lube on it and shove it in your ass. He gave it 4 cock rings out of 5. Howard said that was something.
Howard said he's going to take him through the story. He said the guys buy him products to test out. He said this was an earthquake anal vibrator. Ronnie said it has different settings on it. Howard asked if he was nervous about shoving it in his ass. Ronnie said he didn't put the whole thing in there. He said it has knobs on it and he got maybe 2 or 2 and a half in there. Fred said it was like 8 inches. Ronnie said it wasn't 8 niches.
Howard asked if this thing has 3 speeds. Ronnie said it has more than 3. He said it's a constant speed of high medium and low and then it has pulsating settings. Howard asked how long he waited to test this thing. Ronnie said he did it on a Friday or Saturday night. Howard said he's fucking around and how long before it comes out. Ronnie said they knew they were going to try it out so they brought it out before. Howard asked if they fucked first. Ronnie said no. He said they were making out and doing that stuff first. Howard said he must have wanted to fuck her. Ronnie said he was ready to try it.
Howard asked how long they fucked around before. Ronnie said maybe 10 minutes. Howard asked who lubed him up. Ronnie said they tried it without lube first. He said he was doing it on his back with his knees bent. He said that he was just talking to her about what they were going to do. He said they were talking about trying it out. Howard said what a view for the woman to see his asshole. Ronnie said they had the lights on so they could see what they were doing.
Howard asked if his balls were hanging over his asshole. Ronnie said they tighten up when he has hard on. Howard asked if he shaves his asshole. Ronnie said he does. He said he uses a regular razor just for trimming. Howard said he has no shame. He said that's amazing. Ronnie said its' your body so he's not sure why people are so uptight.
Howard asked if his feet were in the air. Ronnie said he had his feet on the bed with his knees bent. Howard asked if he had his ass on a pillow. Ronnie said no. He said he does that with her sometimes though.
Howard asked if Ronnie discussed with her what he wanted to do. Ronnie said she knew it was part of the show. Howard said she was just playing whit his asshole. Howard asked if she was naked and if he was naked. Ronnie said yeah. He said she was cracking up in the beginning. He said then she got it in her vagine. He said she liked that. Howard asked if they cleaned that thing up first. Ronnie said of course they did.
Howard asked if his ass was clean down there. Ronnie said he made sure to clean up before. Howard said this is the greatest thing he's ever heard.
Howard said he thought this thing was going to get his natural ass juices flowing. Ronnie said that didn't happen. He said not for this thing. Howard asked if he could have taken this thing in his ass if he was more worked up. Ronnie said he should have brought it in.
Howard asked what she was saying to him to get him worked up. Ronnie said she wasn't saying anything. He said she was trying to get it in there and it wasn't working. Howard said she should have licked his asshole. Ronnie said he's not sure why she didn't do that. Howard said then she gets out the lube and sticks it in. Ronnie said right. He said she put it on the thing and on his asshole. He said it was at the same time. He said that she was pouring it on there. Howard said this can't be right. Howard asked if he used any fingers in there first. Ronnie said no.
Howard asked if he was moaning like the moon. Ronnie said he was. He said that it hurts a little bit. Howard asked if he was thinking about how he was the girl getting it. Ronnie said it was about getting it on the prostate. Howard asked if the sheets were dirty after. Ronnie said not really. He said there wasn't much on there. Howard said it must have looked like when people spit tobacco. Ronnie said not really.
Howard said Chris says that it's impossible that there wasn't shit on this thing. Howard had him come in to talk about that. Ronnie said stay out. Howard said he just wants to talk about it for one second. Chris came in and said the guys he's with fast for half the day and douche for 25 minutes and even then there's still shit on his dick. He said there's no way there's nothing. Ronnie said he's real funny. Chris said he probably couldn't see it. He said Stephanie was a gentleman and didn't tell him she found shit on it. Ronnie said he'd see if there was. He said he wiped it off and it was clean. Chris said he refuses to believe that shit doesn't come out of there.
Ronnie said the thing starts off thin and ends up wider. He said that he took maybe 4 inches of it. He said that it just touched his prostate and that was it. Chris said that he thinks he has to hear this. He said that when guys get into extreme anal it can lead to incontinence. He said the asshole isn't like the vagina. He said that it can stretch and stay open. He said he's going to hit a pothole and shit his pants. Ronnie said this guy thinks he's funny but he's not funny. He asked if he can leave now. Howard asked why he's so upset. Ronnie said he's not getting into his world. He doesn't care about his world. He said he's very happy with his world.
Howard said Jason Ellis was with a woman who started messing with his ass and then he started messing around with guys. Ronnie said he's never going to do that. He said he's not on that journey. Howard said Ellis is as macho as can be and he's with guys. Chris said he thinks that he'd enjoy the natural thing. Ronnie said he's not going to do that.
Howard played a song parody that Ronnie sang about taking 12 inches in his ass. Howard let Chris go after that. Ronnie told him to go shit on his chair.
Shuli came in and said he has a theory on this. He said he spent a few days with Ronnie and his partner. Howard said if he saw Ronnie on his back with his knees in the air he'd run. Ronnie said they have a great sex life. Howard said most women would run away. Ronnie said okay, whatever. Howard asked if he has moles around his asshole. Ronnie said no. Howard said he has a lot on his back. Ronnie said they're not on his asshole.
Howard asked Shuli what theory he has. Shuli said Stephanie is perfect for him. He said she's a female Ronnie. He said he thinks that she enjoys shoving things up his ass because of the way he talks to her. Ronnie said they just goof around like that when he talks to her like that. Howard played another song that Ronnie sang about taking stuff up his butt.
Shuli said if Howard got something shoved up his butt he would remember every detail. Ronnie said he didn't get that far into it yet. Ronnie asked what the fuck is wrong with him. Howard said lets get back to the story. Ronnie wanted Shuli out of there. He said he doesn't need him in there.
Howard asked how many inches he thinks he could take in his asshole if he had to push it. Ronnie said whatever he took was enough. He said that he had a lot to drink that night he did the thing with the dildo. Shuli said he's already been with a guy based on what he's taken in his ass.
Ronnie said he has to go down and get their guest soon. Gary said he can give them the passes and they'll go down.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's disgusted by this conversation and he's a gay guy. Howard said this is too gay for a gay guy.
Howard asked Ronnie about getting the lube in his ass and then what happens. Howard said she's not saying anything. Ronnie said she was getting turned on a little bit. He said she was breathing heavy and all of that. Howard asked if she was wet. Ronnie said she was. He said she told him to check her. He said she was moaning. Howard said that's weird. Ronnie said they were watching porn while this was going on.
Howard asked if she was rubbing his cock while this was going on. Ronnie said she was. Howard asked how long it took to get in to touch his prostate. Ronnie said not long. He said under a minute maybe. Howard asked if the moaning was Stephanie about to throw up. Ronnie said no one forced her to do this. Robin asked when the vibration started. Howard said she's jumping ahead now. Howard said it would be funny if the whole dildo got lost in there.
Ronnie said he saw how much went in and he doesn't know how these guys with giant dicks fuck these woman. Howard said it might feel better and better so he might take more as time goes on. Ronnie said no.
Howard played another song parody about Ronnie fucking to the tune of ''Footloose.'' Howard said that's a good one.
Shuli asked if he shit at all that day. Ronnie said he did that morning. Howard said Gay Ramone is on the phone saying you have to douche. Howard tried to pick up on him but he wasn't there.
Howard asked Ronnie about what Stephanie was doing. Ronnie said she was watching the porn and he wasn't looking at her. Howard said he's got this thing in there and then she turns it on. Ronnie said she tuned it on low and then medium and then high and then tried the pulsating. Ronnie said he was hard as a rock. Howard said he's going to throw up. Ronnie said the thing is like a tiny jackhammer. He said everything was vibrating inside. He said your dick gets the weirdest feeling. He said that she was doing things to his bone. He said she was jerking him off. Howard asked if he came from that. Ronnie said he did. He said they were screwing around and then when it was time to go she told him to just let it go.
Howard asked if she was playing with his balls. Ronnie said he doesn't remember. He said then he was done and he had to get that thing out. He said this is the bad part. Howard asked how good the orgasm was on a scale of 10. Ronnie said it was a 10. He said he just finished on himself. Howard said he has a lot of hair on him. He asked if it's a bitch to clean up. Ronnie said that's what wet wipes are for. Robin said they're actually for babies.
Shuli asked how high up he shot his load. Ronnie said it doesn't go that far anymore. Howard said he's covered in jizz now and then what. Ronnie said when he was done Stephanie just pulled that thing right out of his ass. He said that hurt. Fred said she just pulled it out of his ass cunt. Ronnie said he cleaned up after she apologized to him. He said it didn't take long. He said they still had porn on and then he cleaned it up and tried it out on her. Howard said he
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his George Takei impression talking about messing around with a vibrator. Howard let him go after a short time and then played another song that Ronnie sang about his ass being made or pegging.
Howard asked what Stephanie was up to next. Howard said Ronnie must have been tired. Ronnie said he was making out again and messing around. He said he asked her if she wanted to try it out. He said she was so worked up that she took it. He said he didn't stick it in her ass. He said he put it in there and she exploded right away. He said he had it cranked up all the way.
Howard said he was nice enough to clean that thing up and put it in her. Howard said that's some story. Shuli asked where they go from there. Ronnie said he's not sure. He said he's not fucking the Justin Bieber doll. Howard said come on. Shuli said he has to do it for the show.
Ronnie said he has a toy that's a porn star's mouth. Howard said they have to get an asshole for him. Ronnie asked why everything has to be an asshole. He said he tried that thing with the mouth on it. He said that's the Vibo-Ring. He said it has a cock ring with a vibrator in it.
Howard asked how long the whole session was. Ronnie said probably 40 minutes in total. Howard said he had a good night then. Ronnie said the Vibo-Ring thing was great too. He said that was last weekend. Howard said that's the story then. He said someone is getting fucked over there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to thank Ronnie for this because there are men around the world who want to try this. He said he's helping. He said he doesn't think it's gay. Shuli said he's on his way then. Howard said he's taking shit in his ass that's as big as a dick. Howard said that's like having a guy fuck you in the ass with a girl in the room. The caller said he's constantly saying that he's experimenting and that's not gay.
Gary said Brent is defending Ronnie saying it's not gay. Howard said good for Brent. Ronnie said it's not gay if a woman is doing it to you. Howard said Ronnie has gay fantasies about having a cock in his ass. Ronnie said he does not. He said she's getting off doing it and they're having fun. He said Howard has to get with the times, man. Howard said he's old school. He said putting his dick in a woman is enough for him. Howard said Laura Ingraham called and she's sending a transcript of this to his parents. Ronnie said she'll have to dig them up. Ronnie said that Howard thinks if he's not into it then other people can't be into it. Howard said that's right.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that you can't use anal toys in a vagina because they will get sick. Ronnie said she hasn't gotten sick yet. Howard said she's right. Ronnie said she's stuck things in her own ass and in her vagina and she doesn't get sick. Howard said there is bacteria in the anus. Ronnie said he knows that. He said he knows it can cause problems. The caller asked if he would lick ass and kiss someone. Howard said Ronnie would. He said that she's going to get pussy flu. The caller said that she could get something and get sick. Howard said that he should have cleaned it with alcohol. The caller said that it's porous and you can't clean it enough. She said glass would be better. Ronnie said that they do have a glass one.
Howard took a call from the back office and Chris was doing his Mother Angelica voice telling Ronnie what to do with some anal beads. She said that he has to drink cranberry juice or she'll get a pussy flu. Ronnie said they already did that joke.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she can't believe that Howard calls Ronnie gay because he's just super sexual. She said she uses toys all the time and she loves it. Howard said nothing goes in his asshole. The caller said that he has to learn how to take it. Howard said he doesn't want to learn that. He said he'd rather learn guitar.
Howard thanked Ronnie for telling them the story. He said they're just having fun with this. Ronnie said he's enjoying himself. Howard said he's going to go pish and get to Tracy.
Howard asked if Shuli's wife has ever messed with his ass. Shuli said no fucking way. Ronnie goofed on him saying that it's such a sin. Shuli said he's not saying that. He said it's just not something he wants. Howard played them off with a song parody about Ronnie's sex toys.
Howard came back and said that he has Tracy Morgan there. He said he has a new show called ''The Last O.G.'' on TBS that's starting this week. Howard said he's like an ambassador for love. Tracy said he's like a pimp.
Howard asked if he can believe this fucking snow. Tracy said it's just one more snow. He said that they complain about snow and rain and when it's hot. He said he was on a train last year and one of his nuts was stuck to someone else's leg.
Howard said he has to be at work early in the morning. He said Tracy can make his own hours. Tracy said someone has to be that guy who stands in the club and hands you soap. He said he's not going to do that. He said you'll know when he's out of money because he'll be out on the highway waiting to get hit by an Amazon truck. He said he's going to be out there waiting for that.
Howard said Tracy was doing a bit about getting hit by a WalMart truck in his act and he said they had to raise their prices by a penny on every product to pay him off. Howard asked if that kind of stuff just comes to him or does he have to write it. Tracy said a lot of it just comes to him.
Howard said he said some funny stuff in his Netflix special. Tracy said he didn't reveal anything in there. Howard asked how lucky he'd be if he got hit by a rocket that Elon Musk shot up there. Tracy said he's not sure why people want to go to space. He said he'd like to do some fucking up there though. He said he's got a lot of issues he wants to talk about. He was talking about how he's not circumcised. He said he thinks they just forgot to do it. He said his parents were busy. He said he has gold on his foreskin. He said it's difficult getting into the anus sometimes with a woman.
Howard asked if he has to clean his foreskin with a Q-tip. Tracy said he does. He said he doesn't want his shit stinking. Howard asked if he would get his son circumcised. Tracy said he would. He said he doesn't need a turtle neck.
Howard asked Tracy what he thinks about this guy he has there taking something in his ass. Tracy said he would block that exit off. He said you're not going to traumatize him at this age. Howard said sex is so good with a woman that you don't need that. Tracy said you can play with the taint but that's it. He said if you go any further it's going to be a homicide. Robin asked if anyone has tried. Tracy said he's from Brooklyn so no. Howard said Ronnie's sex toy was 12 inches long. Tracy said he has to stop with that shit.
Howard said Tracy's Netflix special is so good. He said Garry Shandling had so much angst about doing stand up. He said he took notes just like Jerry Seinfeld did. Tracy said one word can start a 5 minute bit. He said that Richard Pryor just had conversations on stage. Howard asked if he walks around on stage with papers. Tracy said he puts notes in his phone. He said he took notes on his way there. He said he's talking about trophies for participation. He said that makes the kids who get trophies feel even worse. Howard said he's right.
Howard asked Tracy if he takes out his phone and takes notes about it. Tracy said it's just one word. He said he doesn't do this stuff by himself. His phone was ringing as he was talking about that. He read some of the notes he took and said that the black artists have to be negative. He explained what that was about and how that's all garbage. He said it's just not true. He said he wants kids to stay in school and he's going to say it. He said when you can't handle butter you have to get Parkay. He said he just wrote this stuff down in his phone. He said he hasn't made all of that into jokes yet.
Howard asked if he writes with other guys. Tracy said they start to talk when he goes out with friends and that will spark something funny. Howard asked if he has to go test it on an audience. Tracy said he does one joke at a time. He said he has stuff in his back pocket that he knows will work. Howard asked what will work. Tracy said ''brown eye'' always works. He said he's 49 now and he has to do things that aren't like that. He said he can't do that when he's 80.
Howard said in his Netflix special he talked about a lot of stuff. He said he was talking about the fact that people in his family are getting older and they want him to pay for their funerals. Tracy said that's not going to happen. He said they call him asking for money to bury them. Howard said he says that some of you niggas have to get cremated. Howard said the other thing that he said was that his extended family wants him to pay for their children's college. Howard said he said he was all for higher learning but if they can't play basketball or run a 4.3 440 then they're fucked. Tracy said they shoulda been a cop, fuck hip hop. He said we all want to be stars and a lot of people's dreams die slow. He said the same people you see on the way up you see on the way down. He said you have to respect everyone.
Howard asked how many times Tracy has gone to a comedy club and saw horrible people. Tracy said there's a difference in white comedy clubs. He said they fake being nice to them saying that they did great after they bombed. He said in a black club they'll tell you to kill yourself. He said they don't have shit to laugh about there.
Howard asked if he prefers the honest stuff. Tracy said he likes it all. He said that you can't be good and bad at the same time.
Tracy said that white audiences have to have more detail than the black audience. He said that black people aren't the only ones in prison. He said there are white people too. He said that's what his TV show is all about.
Howard said he was talking about Saturday Night Live a minute ago. Tracy said that he calls that the Degobah system and Lorne Michaels is his Yoda. Howard said his quote about Lorne is great. He said that he said that every Jewish dude has to love one nigga and he's glad that Lorne chose him. Howard said he that he said he had to compete with 1500 other black dudes for the show. Tracy said he as just funny. He said god gave him funny and that's what he used. Howard asked if he prepared for that. Tracy said he doesn't remember what he did this morning so he doesn't remember what he did back then.
Howard said so far he's learned that a guy with a 5 inch dick doesn't deserve moaning. He said he always learns something. Tracy said he has a vein on his dick as big as his leg.
Tracy told Howard how he did his audition for Saturday Night Live and how Lorne came out to see him the second night. He said a week later he was washing his car in the Bronx and his phone went off. He said Marcy Klein said he had to go meet Lorne. He said he had to do an audition up at 30 Rock too. He said that's when they connected him to Burbank. He said he had nothing to lose.
Howard asked how much he had to prepare for that. Tracy said he had never worked in front of white people before so he had to prepare. He said he had to learn how to do that in front of white people.
Howard asked Tracy what he did there. Tracy said he did his thing and then gave his name and said thank you. Howard asked if he loves doing stand up. Tracy said that's his foundation. He said it's just a concept. He said that comedy doesn't bring him soup. He said he knows where he's at in his life. He said he knows what's real and what's not. He said he has his priorities together.
Howard asked what Barry Katz had him do to prepare for this audition. Tracy said he watched his father make white people laugh. He said he doesn't get scared. He said he did the same material but just tweaked it a bit. He thanked Barry for helping him with that.
Howard asked Tracy about his fantasy about being in a movie with Eddie Murphy. Tracy said it may not happen in this lifetime but maybe in the next. He said that he loves the Honeymooners. He said that they were so great.
Howard said that Tracy says that he has to change the picture for the white people. Tracy said you have to tweak it just a little bit. He said the audience has to identify with you. Howard said that people are the same everywhere. He said he learned that doing radio.
Tracy said that he doesn't like talking politics in his act. He said when people ask who he voted for he just says he's down with the king.
Howard said he likes this new TV show idea. He said he teamed up with Jordan Peele. He said this guy is on fire. Tracy said that he has a hot cock and low cash. Howard asked what he's talking about. Tracy explained it to him. He said that's just a saying. He said he called him one day and he was having lunch with the dude who directed the French Connection and the Exorcist. He said he told him he's on fire. He said he was watching Key and Peele when he got out of the hospital. He said that was healing for him. He said he went to the Emmy's one day and told Jordan this idea for his TV show. He told Howard what he told him.
Howard said he likes this idea. He said the guy goes to prison and he comes back and things have changed in the neighborhood.
Howard asked how the whole thing went down with Peele. Tracy said he inspired him to do it. Howard asked what he was working on before this. Tracy said it doesn't matter because it wasn't this.
Howard asked Tracy about how long it takes him to get the idea and get Peele on board. Tracy said it just took one lunch. He said it took a couple of months to write it and then they started writing it. Howard asked why he ended up on TBS and not on FX. Tracy said they were sticking by him but they passed on the show. He said they had a bidding war for the show. He said it was with TBS and Comedy Central. He said that TBS is crushing it. He said he's coming down on the West Side Highway and they had a billboard with him on it. Howard said he has a hot cock and high cash.
Howard asked when the show is premiering. Tracy said tomorrow night. Howard asked if he's going to watch it. Tracy said he is with his wife and son. Howard said it's on at 10:30 tomorrow night. Howard said someone has to report the ratings to him. Tracy said that he doesn't get involved in that shit. He said that he wants to know if it's good but that's it. He said they had a premier party in Brooklyn. He said he's not going to celebrate until the 6th season.
Tracy said what got to him was the 40th anniversary of Saturday Night Live. He said he got on his feet after watching that. Howard said Don Rickles sent him something nice. Tracy said he never met the man but he sent him flowers. He said he never met him but that man changed him. He said Don wrote to him ''Get Well, I love you.'' He said that was so great.
Howard asked if he's still mad at the truck driver who hit his bus. Tracy said that he doesn't give a fuck about the guy but he forgave him. He said he's not going to talk to the guy. He said he forgave him and that's enough. Howard said everything he says is funny. Tracy said there are people in their cars laughing at this shit. He said Eddie told him not to take life too seriously or you'll never get through it.
Howard said Tracy has a 19 bedroom house. He asked if he has slept in every room. Tracy said he's done more than that in every room. He said he has an elevator in his house and he shit in the corner just so he felt at home. He said that white people will freak out if they see that. He said he's even shit in a public pool. He said he shut that shit down when his speakers got stolen. He said he went to deep part and he shit right here. He said this girl was swimming and she got doody on her head. Howard said he's glad he said that because he has seen that happen and maybe it was anger that led to it.
Howard said Tracy has a 31,000 square foot house. Tracy said he's in Alpine, New Jersey. He said that the dude across the street from him is the second richest dude in the state. He said that the neighbors are mad at the driver because he's riding around in that neighborhood now. He said he's in a do-rag in a Lamborghini.
Tracy said he went and got a white butler too. He said he has to even out the playing field. He said he and his old lady role play to keep things fresh.
Tracy said that he has some women coming out against him soon. He said it's Arnold Schwarzenegger and Mel Gibson. He jokingly said he did some things on the set of their movies.
Howard said all of this is coming from truth. Tracy said he's going to give up porn. He said just for this week though. He said it's difficult to do that to the phone because then a phone call will come through. He said then you have to start all over again. He said he moans and groans when he masturbates.
Howard said Tracy was with a bunch of famous people at the Knick game recently. Tracy said he was on the sideline calling the game. Howard said he loves seeing that. Tracy said he's a disgruntled sports fan. He said he tweeted at Michael Jordan that he has to come to New York and win a ring. He said that's the only way he can be the greatest of all time.
Howard said he's excited about this new show. Tracy said he's sorry he's all over the place. Howard asked about being home suffering who was good to him and who was bad. Tracy said that his wife was great to him. He said Lorne was like his daddy. He said that he said he loves Lorne like his daddy. He said that he calls him every year on his birthday. He said it's not like show business. He said his pops is gone and Lorne is his O.G. and so is Howard and guys like Eddie Murphy. Tracy said if he asked for advice from Howard he knows he's going to give it to him.
Howard said he's going to watch this new TV show. Tracy said that it's a good show and when you see the premiere it's great. He said they shot 10 episodes so far. Tracy said they're promoting the show in France and in Haiti. He said they're pushing it all over.
Howard asked how many cars he has. Tracy said he has a Bugatti and that's a $2 million car. He said that car is draining. He said hit a pothole and it's $2 million. Howard asked who parks his cars. Tracy said he has to have a guy watch his cars for him. Howard asked where he can drive fast. Tracy said he drove a Porsche at the car show. Howard asked where he goes to drive that Bugatti. Tracy said he goes where other people have Bugattis. He said he doesn't drive it that much. He said that's a collector car. Howard asked how fast he's gone. Tracy said he hasn't gone fast in it. He said he has been in an accident so he doesn't drive fast. He said he drives 30 so people see him in the car. He said he drives like a pimp.
Howard asked if the car is in a garage. Tracy said he has a bunch of cars like a Rolls Royce and stuff. He said he doesn't drive that in the snow though. He said he has a long wheelbase Range Rover that he drives in the snow. He said that's like a $300,000 car.
Tracy showed him his Rolex watch and said he has a million dollar fish tank with sharks in it. He said he has people who come twice a week to maintain that stuff. He said he loves marine life. Howard asked why that is. Tracy said he owns box jellyfish and stuff like that. He said that's the most dangerous thing on the planet. He said he likes to hold things that can kill him.
Howard said he is doing it all. Tracy said he's living his life. He said he's done so much. Howard said now he has this show. He asked what the best thing he owns is. Tracy said his wife. Howard said he means material things. Tracy said that he doesn't think about the material things. He said they're just things. He said you can't take them with you. He said you never see a Brinks truck following a hearse. Howard said he has to write that one down.
Howard asked if he owns a jet. Tracy said he has a G5. He said that's 40 million. Howard said he has to be kidding. He said he's spending a lot. Tracy said he has that at Teterboro. He said that's not even a pimple on his back. Robin asked if he has spent all of his money. Howard asked what the plane costs to maintain. Tracy said it pays for itself.
Howard asked if it's true he owns Michael Jackson's glove. Tracy said he does. He said he loved Michael. He said he knows the guitar solo for ''Beat it.'' He said can play that solo. He said he loves Mike. He said he met everyone in the family. He said he got the glove at an auction. Robin asked where he has them in the house. Tracy said he has them on display. He said he makes room for that stuff.
Howard said you must watch Tracy in ''The last O.G.'' Tracy asked if he's going to watch it. Howard said he is. Tracy said his wife loves Howard's wife. He said they sat next to them at the Knick game and it was great. Howard said he yells at the players. Tracy said he does.
Howard gave Tracy some more plugs and Tracy asked him not to shut this down. He said he's having too much fun. Howard said he should go out on a high note. Howard asked what he's going to be doing today. Tracy said he's going to make babies. He said his wife is 31 years old. He said his ex-wife Sabina died last year from cancer. He said that she was only 49. He said he prayed with his 3 sons in front of her and apologized for any hurt he caused her. He said he knows he'll see her again and he said that to her. He said that he's a better man today than he ever was.
Howard said he's going on Fallon tonight. Tracy said he's going to do Sway here today too. Howard said he's not going home to bang anyone. Tracy said he's not. He said he has more work to do today.
Howard gave him some more plugs and found out that Tracy might be playing Louis Armstrong in a film. Howard spent a minute talking to him about that.
Howard said Tracy has said it all and he's living live to the fullest. Howard gave him some more plugs and wrapped up with him. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said Gary saw the Chappaquiddick movie. He said he said it wasn't a positive portrayal of Ted Kennedy. Robin said she would imagine not. Howard said if that happened today he would have been cooked. Robin said the #MeToo movement wouldn't have been good for him either. Howard ended up doing his Ted Kennedy impression and talked about the movie ''Chappaquiddick.'' He said he thought they were going to call that movie ''Splash'' but that name was already taken.
Howard asked if Robin saw the movie. Robin said no. Howard asked where they found an actor with his huge Irish head. Robin said he was just channeling him and didn't need that gigantic head. Howard said his head wouldn't fit on the screen because it's so big.
Howard asked who plays Kennedy. Robin said she'd have to ask Gary. Gary said his name is Jason Clark. Howard asked who plays the woman. Gary said it's Kate Mara. Howard was still doing the Kennedy impression and said they did it in 4D and drowned the audience. Howard kept going with the impression talking about the movie.
Howard, as Ted, told Robin to be careful of the pussy flu. He said that you can't stick an anal vibrator in a woman's pussy. He was talking about how his father always told him not to do that. He said as he always says ''Don't get shit in your gash.''
Howard asked who even knows how to spell Chappaquiddick. He said it's even hard to Google. Robin said he died at the right time. She said that it could have come back to haunt him.
Howard said a lot of kids learn about Chappaquiddick and they Google it and get ChapStick instead. He kept talking to Robin as Ted and asked why Trump didn't just drown Stormy Daniels after he fucked her. He said he could have saved a bundle of money.
Howard said he'll take a quick break and then get to some news. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard said it's time for some news. They played Robin a song parody from Little Mikey. Robin said ''Oh my goodness'' when she heard it start. Robin said that young man could have made something of his life if he didn't do these. Howard said he thinks he's singing his heart out in that one. Robin said he would have been on to something else if Howard hadn't done this to him. Howard said maybe. Robin said that he's busy writing about jerking off instead of curing cancer or something more productive. Howard said he thinks he's doing exactly what he was meant to.
Robin said today is opening day at Yankee stadium and they have postponed the game due to the weather. Robin said it's snowing there. She said they have now canceled.
Howard said Tan Mom is in her tanning bed on the phone. He took the call and Tan Mom said something unintelligible. her connection was bad. Howard said it's like calling from a coffin. Howard asked if she lives in a tanning bed now. Tan Mom said she's supposed to be in Florida. She asked if he can hear her. Howard said he's seen her and she's an enough. Gary said you wont' believe the picture Shuli has. Howard said she looks Alien with those glasses on.
Howard asked Tan Mom why she's tanning. Tan Mom said she likes the sunshine. Howard asked if she thinks about cancer. Tan Mom said she doesn't. He said there's nothing wrong with this. She said there's nothing wrong with her. Robin said she's so tan she doesn't even know what color she is. Robin said she would be shocked at her actual skin color.
Howard asked if she feels prettier with a tan. Tan Mom said she likes the sunshine. Howard said a tanning bed isn't the sun. Tan Mom said she hasn't been tanning the past few months. Shuli said he thinks her skin color looks like it might have changed permanently. Shuli said he did a photo shoot with her and she used a self tanner on herself.
Howard said he thinks maybe she's over tanning. Tan Mom said she doesn't think so. She said that Howard stuck up for her for so many years and he hurt her feelings. She said that she respects them and she's going through a bad time. Howard asked how they disrespected her. Tan Mom said some things are funny and some aren't. Howard asked how he hurt her feelings. Tan Mom said she feels sad. She said she doesn't want to get all wrapped up. Shuli told her not to cry in there or she'll get electrocuted.
Howard asked why she's yelling at him. Tan Mom said that maybe it's because she likes him. Howard asked what's going on there. Shuli did his Tan Mom impression and told Tan Mom to tell Howard to cut to the chase. Tan Mom said she wants to talk about how to make money. Howard said they're all over the place. Howard had Shuli do his Tan Mom impression going through all of her emotions.
Howard asked if she wants him to order Sal to have sex with her. Tan Mom said ''Ewwwwww.'' Howard said he can force him to do it. Tan Mom didn't seem interested anymore. Howard said he has to get to the news. Tan Mom said the news sucks and it's snowing.
Howard said Gary has to come in and look for Tracy's house keys. Howard said go ahead.
Robin said Roseanne and the cast of her show have gotten a renewal after just the firs show. Robin said they had 18.2 million people watching the show on Tuesday night. Howard said they did very well. Howard said he remembers being in Florida and Whitney Cummings came over. He asked her what was going on and she told him about being an Executive Producer on Roseanne. He asked what the premise was and she told him that the Trump thing would work on the show. He said he told her that it was going to be huge. Robin said the audience grew to 21.9 million as the show went on. Howard said he's not sure why he's congratulating himself but he was right. He said he felt like he knew like he did with Dancing with the Stars. Howard said Gary had no luck finding the keys but he did fine a fossilized Beetlejuice turd in the couch.
Howard said he thought that Roseanne was very balanced. He said that people are saying it was pro-Trump but he thought it was like what's going on in the country right now. He said that he thought it was down the middle. Robin said she thought it was good too. She said that she enjoyed both episodes that night. Robin said it was perfect timing for what this country is going through. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a monkey that took a baby in India. Robin said they are searching for the monkey. Robin said they believe the baby drowned in a well. Robin said they say that this is the first instance of a monkey running away with a baby. Howard said don't go to India. He said he tells Robin that all the time. Robin said these monkeys walk around all over the place. She said they give them jobs as entertainers and they just kind of roam around there. Robin said she can't imagine this is the first time that has happened. Howard said look at Tarzan. He said he was raised by monkeys.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw part 2 of the Garry Shandling documentary. Howard said he did and he thought it was brilliant. He said he felt sad for Garry but he also related to it. He said Judd Apatow did a great job tying it all together and to his brother dying as a kid. Howard said he died young and Garry was only like 12 and they didn't let him say goodbye to him. He said he went on to be a great comic but he had a lot of personal pain. He said he never got why he didn't have kids but he thinks that he lost his brother and a child at an early age so maybe he had that fear of going through that again. The caller said he has been listening for over 30 years and he's sorry he had the bad connection today. Howard let him go after that and then did a live commercial read. That led to him doing his Ted Kennedy impression again since he did a commercial for Chappaquiddick.
Robin read a story about Arnold Schwarzenegger having open heart surgery. Robin said he had a heart valve replaced. Robin said he's expected to make a full recovery. Robin said his first words when he woke up were ''I'm back.'' Howard said he heard it turned into a bigger operation than they expected.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's watching Gotham. Howard said he is and it's an excellent show. He said he looks forward to it every week. He said this is a fabulous season. The caller asked if he's watching Black Lightning. Howard said he watched about 2 episodes and lost interest.
Robin read a story about Stan Lee having some of his blood stolen. Robin said they say that a former business associate got a blood sample from Stan and a nurse got the blood and got so much Stan was dizzy after. Robin said they think the guy is going to make pens with his blood in them. Howard said that has to be an April Fools joke. Robin said it's a TMZ story. Howard said it would be wild if they took his blood and made him into a super hero. Howard said he's creeped out by that story. He said you get old and all sorts of weird shit starts happening.
Howard took a call from Chad in St. Louis who said he was suspended from Twitter for calling Larry King a ''poon hound.'' Howard asked what the context was. Chad said Larry was talking about Stephen Hawking and he just said he was almost as big a poon hound as he was. He said he got suspended for hate speech. Howard said that's not right. He said no one gets suspended when they bad mouth him 100 times worse. He said maybe Larry reported him. He said if he was on a jury he'd say that was pretty accurate. Howard said Chad said ''sweet love'' and that's what he calls Beth. Robin said how about using her name instead. Howard said Robin is different off the air. Robin said he would want to be called by her name. Howard said he thinks it's romantic. Robin said for them it is. Howard said that's much less creepier than calling his wife ''mother'' like that creepy Mike Pence does. Howard said that's just creepy. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the White House Easter egg roll going on this morning. Robin said that they expect 30,000 people to show up for the hunt.
Robin read a story about John Kricfalusi being accused of being harassed as young women. Robin said John is the creator of Ren & Stimpy. Robin said that one girl claims that he flew her out to Los Angeles and he would allegedly touch her sexually before she graduated high school. Howard said guys who are successful in animation aren't going to fly you out to help you. Robin said this girl says she didn't know better. Howard said he's not casting aspersions. He said adults aren't that interested in you unless they want sex. He said he's noticed a pattern there.
Howard said he's thinking about that picture of Sean Spicer in the Easter Bunny costume. Howard said he used to do that at the White House. Howard said he thinks Trump made him do that. Robin said she's not sure who is doing it now. Howard said that's when you know you're fucked. He said they're not taking you seriously. Howard said it was George W. Bush who made Spicer dress up. He said he's been shit on for a long time by the White House.
Robin read a story about the Bill Cosby trial and how they're going into the second round. Robin said they think the #MeToo movement might have some affect on the outcome this time around.
Robin read a story about Stacey Dash pulling out from running for congress. Robin said she now says that running could be bad for her family. Howard said she was asked a question that she wasn't able to answer so it's probably best she's pulling out. Howard said she is hot though. Hot and stupid. He said he would have been woozy from her in high school.
Robin read a story about Ted Nugent saying some controversial things about the Parkland students. Robin said he said that the students have no soul and they're ''mushy brained'' children because they're blaming the NRA for the shooting.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she's going to see Bruce Springsteen. She said she got two tickets to go see him on December 7th. She said he should come on the show now. Howard said he doesn't know about that. Mariann asked when the Letterman show is going to air. She said that they have Malala now and then Tina Fey is coming up. Fred played her off with loud music while she was still rambling. Howard said she just ignores that music. Howard asked how she got a ticket to Springsteen. Robin said she waited too. Howard said Mariann is so forceful that she just overcame the music. Mariann was still going asking questions and telling Howard stuff about her dog and the Springsteen tickets. Howard eventually hung up on her.
Robin said Frank Stallone also bad mouthed the Parkland students. Howard said he came out of hiding to do that? Robin said he called one of the students a rich little bitch and that he should be sucker punched. Robin said he's now apologizing for statements he made on Twitter. Howard said Twitter a problem. He said when he got into radio no one had access to the media. He said they had no voice. He said he got on radio and suddenly he was the coolest guy on the planet. He said he was the only one with Twitter. He said then they ruin everything with Twitter. He said this guy has his own radio show kind of thing where he thinks he can say anything. He said they should have a pause button so they can think about what they're about to say. Howard said the only way you knew what Frank was thinking was tuning into his radio show back in the day. He said Frank really fucked up this time. Howard asked how old he is now. He said no one has private thoughts now. He said he had a thought and just had to share it with the world. Fred played Ronnie saying ''I'd rather watch nuns masturbate.''
Howard said Jackie Stallone isn't still alive is she. Robin said she is. Howard said they used to have her on the show a lot. He said its good that Ronnie never gets political on Twitter or he'd get himself into trouble.
Robin said Cynthia Nixon has the support of Sarah Jessica Parker now that she's running for Governor of New York. Howard said that has to be a tough question to ask your co-worker. He said he can imagine that conversation where she turns to Matthew Broderick and tells him what's going on. He had a whole conversation going on between the two of them. Robin had some more details about Parker backing Nixon. Howard said he likes Cuomo. He said he's going to stay out of the whole thing. He said he's going to be what Sarah wishes she could be.
Robin read a story about the number 1 movie at the box office being ''Ready Player One'' which made $41 million. Howard asked if Robin has seen it yet. Robin said not yet. Howard wondered if he still has the magic. Howard asked how old he is. Robin said he has to be in his 60s. Howard said he's actually 71. Robin said he looks great for his age. Howard said that beard covers a lot.
Robin read a story about the LDS church, which is the Mormon church, is retiring it's home teaching and visiting tradition. Robin said they will be switching to a new program. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about their new approach. They will have what they call ''Ministering'' now instead. Howard did his impression of that guy and said there's a cadence here when you're a religious leader. He said he thinks he could do that.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he was in Englewood and he saw Tracy Morgan in that Bugatti and that shit is crazy. He said that he stopped by the sneaker store and waved to people. Howard said he loves that he doesn't drive it fast. He drives it slow so he can wave to people. King said that's what he did. King said they were screaming for Tracy and when you see something and you're black they always ask if you saw that. He said that car is $2.5 million. Howard said he must have loved that because he loves material things. King said he had that Shazam ring too. Howard asked if that turns him on too. King said he loves jewelry. He said he loves going to the bagel shop wearing all of that stuff. Howard said he has to get out of there so he had to hang up on King.
Robin read a story about Steven Bochco passing away after a year long battle with cancer. Howard said that dude was mad successful. Robin had some theme songs from his shows for Howard to play. They played the Hill Street Blues theme and Howard made up some lyrics. They played the Doogie Howser theme too. Howard said that guy had some big hits one after the other. Robin said he had a bunch of successes and then he did a musical show that didn't do very well. Howard said he did LA Law too. He played that theme song and made up some lyrics. Fred played Gary playing trumpet along with that. Howard said Mary McCormack was in hone of his shows. He said she was in ''Murder One.'' Howard said he did all of that and now he's dead in a box. He said we're all the same in that way. We all end up dead in a box. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started the show talking about how he's not sure where to begin today. He said he has so many things to share and talk about. He said Kathy Griffin is coming in today. He said she's under attack and she's going to talk about that. Robin said she saw something about her in the paper yesterday and she realized she hadn't been in there in a while. Howard said they'll see her today.
Howard said they have to talk about the Imus farewell show and about Ronnie and a lot more. He said he learned something interesting. He said he'll start with this. He said he was fascinated that Shuli called Marfan Mike who is a potential Wack Packer. He said they never did have that gathering for them to pick a new Wack Packer. He said someone dropped the ball on that. He said that they never got that together. Robin said Jason kept saying it was going to happen and she knew it never was.
Howard said Shuli talked to Marfan Mike and Marfan told Shuli that he's working as a customer service rep for his brother's company. He said that's fascinating with that voice he has. He said listen to this. He said it's fascinating. Howard said it's like the guy failed upward. He said it might be an April fools joke that goes on all year.
Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Mike about his customer service job. Mike told Shuli he doesn't get a lot of calls but he tries to annunciate and talk slowly when he's there. Shuli asked who put him there. Mike said his brother did. Howard said his brother must hate his customers. He said imagine what that would be like to tape for the day. Robin said they should do it.
Howard said Mike also said he was mad at High Pitch Erik. He said they went to school together and they were enemies back then. He said you'd think that would be a clique. He said it's two guys who live on the fringe and you'd think they'd link up and make their own thing. He said Erik feels that Mike bullied him in school and mike agrees he did.
Howard said he has Mike on the phone. He asked Mike if he did bully Erik in school. Mike said he did and he mumbled what he did to him. Howard said he was going to make a show about the high school that would be in Chernobyl. He said they don't have any super powers but they're all fucked up. He said that they all have speech impediments. It would be Elephant Boy, Marfan Mike and High Pitch Erik. He said Mike would be like the Fonzie of the group. He said Asian Pete would be a guidance counselor. He said Elephant Boy would go to him for advice and Pete would mumble something to him. He said the problem he had was that they thought he was making fun of people. He said it's Chernobyl High. He said Wendy the Slow Adult could be in it. He said Nicole Bass was the sexy teacher. He said rest in peace to her. He said he has someone else in mind for that. Mike said how about Tan Mom. Howard said that would work.
Howard said Ronnie is the bus driver. He said he's all sexed up. He said he wrote the script in a half hour. He said Big Foot was the gym teacher and he got fired for shoving basketballs up his asshole.
Howard said Wendy was the Tiffany Amber Thiessen of the high school. He said Mike would be the Fonzie who was dating her. Howard had Mike do some lines for him. He said this would have been animated. He said he thought for sure that Comedy Central would have taken it but everyone was afraid. He said he has to find another show running because Steven Bochco is gone now.
Howard said the show was going to be edgy. He said the story was that Mike takes Wendy for an abortion. He said Marfan fucks Wendy and he has to get an abortion. Howard had Mike say some lines about how Wendy doesn't need contraception. He said then they go for the abortion. He said they're there for an hour before anyone understands what's happening. He said it takes an hour for him to explain why he needs an abortion. He said Beetlejuice plays the baby. mike said he loves that.
Howard said then Big Foot eats the baby. Mike laughed. Howard said he had a script where Ronnie stuffs the baby up his ass and it gets caught on its head. Robin said she read about a guy who fell on his pet squirrel and it got lodged in his ass. Howard said yeah, okay. Howard said guys shove stuff in their ass and then they have to get to the emergency room and they say they fell on these things. Robin said that's what this guy said. She said the operator at 911 thought it was an April fools joke. She sent the ambulance anyway and the guy was in pain because the squirrel was biting and scratching in there to get out. Robin said she's not sure how it gets that far up there. Robin said the squirrel didn't survive.
Howard said Marfan said he's very upset with Erik begging for stuff on Twitter. He played a clip of him talking to Shuli about that. Mike was saying that he should buy his own stuff instead of asking people for stuff. Mike was also talking about how Erik looks fatter than ever even though he claims to have lost 90 pounds.
Howard said Erik is also complaining about being tired after doing just one podcast a week. Mike said he does one and he's not tired from it. He said he works every day 9-5 and he's not tired.
Howard asked mike what kind of customer service he does. Mike said his brother has house wares. Howard thought he said ''house slash.'' He said he's never heard of that. Howard had Mike repeat it and he still didn't get it. Robin asked what the general complaints are. Mike said an item missing or an item broken.
Howard said he's going to call Mike as a customer. He said he got the house wares thing because someone told him what it was. Howard pretended to be a customer calling Mike. He asked if there was something wrong with his connection. Mike said there isn't anything wrong. He tried to be more understandable by annunciating and speaking slowly. Howard asked about a set of pots and pans he bought and a handle fell off. Mike said he apologizes and he can help. He said if you send your information he can sent out a new ''penis.'' Howard said he doesn't need a penis. He asked if his supervisor is there. Mike said he is not. Howard asked what he's supposed to do again. Mike said email your information and he'll send you out a new one.
Howard asked if his brother is so well off that he can goof on his customers. Mike said no but he does a lot of his work via email. He said that way he can just email them back. Howard asked if someone is sitting on his face. Mike said yes.
Howard said now they're going to connect him to his supervisor. Howard went back to being the customer on the phone and talked to Mike about getting his supervisor. Mike did another voice for the supervisor. He was still unintelligible. Howard had him put him back on with the other guy. Howard asked if people ever yell at him. Mike said no but he has had people who have hung up.
Howard said how about this. He said you have to hear this. He said this is a bit where Mike and Erik become friends and sing love songs together. Howard played the bit where the two of them were singing duets together.
Howard said that was the song they cut for the Chernobyl High special. Robin said they should do Glee but at Chernobyl.
Howard had High Pitch Erik on the phone and asked how much weight he lost. Erik said he lost 100 pounds. Robin asked when they're going to see him. Howard said he doesn't need to see him.
Erik said that he's not begging for anything on Twitter. He said Marfan is wrong about that. He said he's doing his podcast once a week on Friday nights. Howard said he doesn't like that he's exhausted. Gary said Shuli said that he begs for stuff all the time.
Howard had Shuli come in. Shuli said in the past Erik has begged for stuff like dinner and tickets to Yankee games and stuff. He said he puts the feelers out there and people take him up on things.
Shuli said Erik took 3 trips recently and he couldn't have paid for them. Erik said he did. Shuli said he doesn't know where he got the money. Erik said he had the money. Howard said he gets what Mike is saying about how he should get a job. Erik said he did Blue Bloods too.
Shuli asked if he's mixing pills. He said he saw something over the weekend about mixing Ambien and something else and he said hallucinating is fun. Erik said he was in so much pain from the surgery that he had to. Shuli said he had his appendix taken out. Erik said he's still in pain. Robin said please Erik. Shuli said it's been 3 weeks. Erik said it's hard for him to sleep.
Howard said this is why Mike is saying Erik is always complaining. Erik said he doesn't complain at all. Howard said he does ask for gifts to unblock fans. Erik said he doesn't do that. He said he used to have a guy who took him to Yankee games. Shuli said there are other people who took him to games too.
Howard asked Mike if he's still mad at Erik. Mike said something but his phone was cutting out so Howard said he's done with this. He said he's bored. The two of them got in plugs for their Podcast shows on the Gonzo Podcast network.
Howard said he wants to see Erik so they'll set him up to come in. Mike said he's coming there in May. Howard said he can't believe this guy is customer service. He said you think India is bad with customer service. Howard let the two of them go after that.
Howard said he was talking about Erik the other day when he saw Donnie Wahlberg and Jenny McCarthy. He said they were talking about Erik at the Springsteen show. Howard said it's a mood maker and an ice breaker. Howard thanked Shuli for the update and went to break.
Howard said JD sent him a lot of tape. He said he couldn't understand what he was saying. He said he defies you to follow along. He said sometimes Marfan Mike is more intelligible. Howard played a clip of Imus saying something that was unintelligible. He mentioned something about being 77 and how a lot of people he knew are dead. Howard asked how you follow along with that.
Howard said he thinks he's wondering what happened to his old Program Director and they should get Bo Dietle to track him down. Howard did his Imus impression talking about that.
Howard said the problem he had with Imus was that he was spinning records and doing one minute character bits on his show. He said it wasn't cutting edge. He said NBC hired him and he blew that station up. He said he became the thing in New York radio. He said Imus started doing what he did and then he kind of just imitated what he did. Howard said Imus followed his lead for syndicating his show and things like that. He said Imus started doing his show on TV as well a year after he started doing it. He said he thinks he kind of followed him in what he did but Imus won't admit that. He said Imus finally admitted he's in the top 5 of radio guys. He said Imus threw him into the top 5. He said he's not a gracious guy. Robin said she's not sure why he cares. She said he's not a nice person or a decent human being.
Howard said a coupe of his guys would say he was a bear to work for. He said he was unbearable. Howard said now he's an old man and he's not sure how much longer he's got. He said the farewell was disjointed and all over the place. He said he doesn't know who he thinks he's broadcasting to. He said at one point they couldn't find anyone who was listening so he had an asterisk next to his ratings. Gary said that is true. He said that he got the asterisk in the first ratings book which means they weren't able to figure out if he had any listeners.
Howard said it's great he had a long career but this carrying on... He said you have to hear this. He said he can't believe stations were still hiring him. He said he went on AM stations and had a career and he applauds that but he's not the greatest radio performer that ever lived like he's touting. He said he says he has 5 Marconi awards and no one knows what that is. He said we measure success by ratings, not a Marconi Award.
Howard said that everyone beats Imus in the ratings. He said Scott Shannon has huge ratings. He said Elvis Duran has huge ratings. He said Jim Kerr too. Robin said that these people who you don't even know are broadcasting are getting more ratings.
Howard said Imus said his farewell. He said Robin didn't hear it. Robin said no one heard it. Howard said it just sucks to be 77 and be barely alive.
Howard played a clip of Imus talking about how hard it is to do his show. He said he's not going to miss that. Imus said there's never been anyone better on radio than him. Howard said the ratings would beg to differ. He said he has to hear that again. He replayed the clip. Howard said the guy is delusional and that's why no one can relate to him. Howard laughed when he repeated that line. Robin said there is no other proof other than deep in his heart. Howard said lets not beat him up too bad. He said this is a field day of stuff.
Howard said he could never figure out why Imus wore the cowboy hats. He said he saw an old promotional picture from WNBC and Wolfman Jack did the same thing. He said he was Imus' idol.
Howard played the clip again and Imus was talking about how he's going to miss the audience. Howard said Imus was talking about how he didn't do this but... and then he doesn't finish the thought. He replayed the clip and he was all over the place talking about how much he's done. Howard said what he probably wanted to say was that the audience didn't do shit and he did it all himself.
Howard said there's another clip where he throws his headphones off and leaves. He said it's awesome. Howard played the clip again where Imus was all over the place with his explanation. Imus said it was great being all excited about something and being able to come in there to talk about it.
Howard did his Imus impression and had Imus giving him credit for giving him a career. Howard said he refers to himself in the third person as I-man.
Howard played a clip of Imus talking about the times he got fired. He said he got fired in the 70s and went back to Cleveland. Imus said they came with him there. Howard said no they didn't. He said the New York people must have moved to Cleveland.
Howard said he wanted the guy to come in there. He said he won't because he's been kind of rough on him. He said he doesn't hate the guy. Robin said she doesn't either but there's nothing he can do for her either. He said he's been kind of rough on him so he will never come in there.
Howard played more of Imus talking about being fired and how he's going to miss the listeners. Howard said no one in New York was listening to him. He said he seems to forget that. Imus said that he's happy for what they've done for the country. Howard said this guy is on a roll. He said he's going to miss his microphone and his door knob too.
Howard played more of the clip and Imus said he'll see them out at the rodeo and places like that. Imus thanked his fans and said he knows they're going to miss him. Howard asked how he knows that. Howard said don't make him do this when he leaves.
Howard said he finishes his statement and then he pretends that he throws his headphones down and there's a big squeal. He said it sounds prerecorded. He said that if he walked out there would be some dead air. He said they played a kid Rock song after he slammed them down. Howard said it was all planned. He said this was supposed to be a big moment. He said it was only an hour and a half into the show.
Howard said he knocks him too. He said he really wanted him to give it to him but he knocked Al Sharpton but doesn't mention him by name. He said he calls him ''Howlin'' but someone had to explain that to him. He said he wouldn't have known shit about it. Howard said then they play a Kid Rock song about being a rebel because Imus thinks he's a rebel. He said it's kind of cute.
Howard played the clip of Imus talking about the losers but not mentioning them by name. He seemed to be talking about Howard and Al Sharpton.
Howard replayed the clip and let it play a little longer. He said he's like Imus Angelou. Howard backed it up again so he could hear him messing up the word ''caravan.'' Imus was talking about how the fans did that and he did that. He said that's what they did. Robin said make up your mind. She said she's a yapping mutt according to him.
Howard said that's when he drops the microphone and there's a squeal and then the Kid Rock song. He let that play a little bit.
Howard said that squeal noise is fake. He said when he drops his nothing happens. Howard said he thinks Imus is right though. He said that caravan of greatness is pretty fucking great. Robin said Johnny Carson didn't talk about how great he is. Robin said someone who does that is someone who has no one else saying that.
Howard said that inspired Sour Shoes to call in with Imus goodbye tape. He said it was just so funny. He said he's listened to this 30 times. He said Sour Shoes is a genius. Howard played a clip of Sour doing his Imus impression talking about his goodbye shit and things like that. Howard was cracking up. He said Sour went on and on. He even did the headphone drop squeal. Then he was singing a goodbye song as Imus.
Howard said there you go with a little Imus impression. He said he would listen to Sour Shoes over Imus any day. He had Sour on the phone with a squeal happening on the phone. Howard asked what he's doing over there. Sour Imus was doing a show on the PA system at the old age home. Howard let Sour go a short time later.
Howard said Imus and JD had a conversation too. He played a bit the guys put together where both of them were mumbling things to each other.
Howard said JD put about 5 minutes of thought into it. He said it shows you don't need to know anything. He said JD beat everyone's jinx. He goofed on him for mumbling that out earlier.
Howard said JD won the 3 big Gs. He said he's supposed to collect at 11 today. He said one of the guys there started the pool. JD said it's one of the guys at the Mad Dog show. He said there were 148 people in the pool. He only had to put in 20 bucks. Howard said he's a winner after all these years. Howard said he's JD Buffet over there. Howard played a song parody about Imus and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he got a lot of email about the sex toy review. Howard said people said they didn't get enough of Chris Wilding yesterday. He read some email about that segment where Ronnie was in talking about his anal sex toy. Howard said some people said they had to change the channel. Howard said some people didn't like Chris coming in. Some people like that Chris was in there and some wanted to hear from Chris instead of Ronnie. He said someone said they were vomiting while listening.
Howard said the toy was called the Earthquake by the way. He read more email from people who were commenting on the segment. He had a ton of responses about it. Howard said he had all kinds of comments about Ronnie being gay. He read through some of that too. He had people saying that it's homophobic to call Ronnie gay over liking things in his ass. Howard said someone wrote that Beth would love to stick things in his ass. Howard said he can guarantee she doesn't want to stick anything up his ass. He said she's never even fantasized about that. Howard said someone said that he must be a selfish lover. Howard said someone said leave Ronnie alone. He said that would be a great radio show. He said he won't ask about shoving things in his ass. He said stop it.
Howard said Dr. Drew had a good statement about Ronnie. He said he gets it. Howard had a clip of Drew talking about how it has nothing to do with his sexual orientation. Drew said he is not gay. He said some of these guys are hyper masculine when they do this. He said Ronnie is shameless and hats off to him on that. He said it's about intensity and not about orientation.
Howard said he thinks that's a good take on that. He said he thinks it's fine that Ronnie is into it. He said that was a pretty astute comment. Robin said it is his field so that makes sense.
Robin said think about that Mr. I-Man. She said he was so great that there is no WNBC. Howard said she just said a minute ago she wasn't going to erupt. Robin said she left her there and she was thinking about it. Howard said she wasn't going to let it out but then 2 seconds later she did. Robin said something popped up. Robin said he not only decided to change his act but he studied under Howard. Howard said he thought she was going to move on. Robin said he's sitting there pontificating about what he did. Howard said he thought she was going to move on. Howard said he's going to change her thought process. Fred played her news theme.
Howard said he thinks Bill O'Reilly is going nuts. He said he has been claiming there's information he's going to release but that hasn't come out. He said that he has some podcast going now and he should have just went away. He said he doesn't need to do a show. He said now he's saying shit just to get attention. Howard said someone gave him a clip of Bill saying ''whiteness'' being attacked. Howard played a clip of Bill talking about how skin color wasn't an issue for a long time. Howard said that's not true. Bill was saying that now whiteness is a problem. Robin said it's like Christians saying they're under attack. Howard played more of Bill talking about how they want to get white men out of power. He said that he's getting into that Alex Jones kind of thing. He said he should get a new act. He said he should just do the loufa line with women instead. Howard said someone wanted to boycott his advertisers but they found out that he doesn't have any.
Howard said Allison Janney said on The View that she forgot to thank Howard Stern at the Academy Awards. Howard said she was very good in ''I, Tonya.'' Howard said he would have loved it if she had mentioned him. He said he's okay with her not mentioning him.
Howard played a clip from Ellen's show where Allison said she forgot to thank a lot of people like her and Howard Stern. She said she felt remiss that she didn't mention them. Howard said she was a theater actress and she auditioned for Private Parts and she was so fucking good. Howard said he would have liked to have heard more of Allison talking about him.
Howard said this reporter in Philly was doing a live news report and some fan yelled out that Memet is smarter than Brent. Howard said people are taking it upon themselves to yell this stuff out. Howard played the clip of the guy doing that during a weather report. The reporter said he wanted to get on TV but he didn't get on. Robin said oh yes he did.
Robin asked if Memet has retired because she hasn't seen him lately. Howard said he hasn't but they'll get him in there sometime. He said they don't see everyone out there in the office. Howard said they're sequestered.
Howard said a reporter said ''snowball fart'' instead of fight. Howard played that clip.
Howard said he thinks that Judge Janine farted during an interview with Ben Carson. Howard said she's scary to him. He said she's fucking intense. He said she's no nonsense. He said they think that she was the one who farted. He played the clip and while Ben Carson was talking someone let a fart go. Howard said he doesn't think it was Ben Carson because he didn't flinch. He said when you let out one like that you know. Howard said it might have been Judge Janine. He said they need a panel of experts to break that down.
Howard had fake Ben Carson on the phone to talk about the fart. The guys had the fake Ben farting as he was talking. Howard said he's making him think that he was the one who farted. Howard kept him on the line for a little longer farting as he talked. Howard said Dr. Carson was denying that it was him.
Howard said he had a montage of some times they sent in fake names to radio show hosts to read. Howard played the clip and laughed through it.
Howard said those are great. He mentioned some of the names they got out there. He said he liked Sharon Cox. Howard said they just pulled off some new ones on a Canadian radio show. He said they got in Jack Soffalot and things like that. He said they got Pierce Theclit and Har Don. He said they sent Ronnie Sahomo and they figured it out. He said this was some station in Alberta Canada. He said they're in Balzac Canada. Howard played the clip where they got in some of those crazy names. He said they're pretty proud of that. In the clip the guys were calling into the show wishing happy birthday to their family members with the fake names. The host was also reading some of the names they sent in.
Howard played a bit with Robin and her friend Simona Dinnerstein performing together. They had a piano playing and Robin singing along. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he has Kathy Griffin there. He said her life has been a roller coaster. He said she's on a comedy tour called the Laughing Your Head Off tour. He said he feels like she cut her hair again. Kathy said she's growing it back. She said she shaved it when her sister got cancer. She said she did not make it. She said she had t-cell lymphoma. She said it made her laugh which was her goal. She said she realizes she looks like Opie. Howard asked if she was older. Kathy said she was. She said she went to get scanned and tested after her sister got it. She said she will take any scan if they have them there on the show.
Howard said having someone close to you go through that it tough. Howard asked if she was close to her sister. Kathy said she was. Howard said she had that going on at the same time as all of this other stuff was going on. Kathy said her life has changed a lot since she last saw him.
Howard said Kathy put out that photo of her holding that bloody Trump head. Howard said he wanted her to come in there and just embrace the whole thing. He said that it was just a picture. Robin said there was government scrutiny. Kathy said the picture went out on May 30th and that's when her life changed. Howard said he wants to take it back a bit.
Howard said Kathy went to do a photo shoot and she was there to just take some pictures. He said someone there said it would be funny to use a bloody trump head. Kathy said they put ketchup on this mask they got and she was just playing it up. She said then Tyler gave the photo to TMZ. She said she didn't think it was going to blow up. She said her boyfriend Randy got a call from Matt Lauer about it. She said he wanted the exclusive. She said then Megyn Kelly got his number and called too. Howard said people do get your number somehow. Howard said he understands what it's like to be controversial and have everyone coming at you. Kathy said it was everyone on both sides. She said that even her mother. She said her hearing isn't so good. She said she had to convince her she wasn't with ISIS. She said she had to talk to her for 2 hours.
Howard asked if anyone thought that was too crazy to do. Kathy said no one thought it was going to be taken so seriously. Kathy said she thought it was so over the top that it would be obvious. She said she's not afraid to push the envelope. She said it was 2 weeks after Trump fired James Comey and they had people sending her tweets and all of that.
Howard asked if the pressure was so incredible on her that she should have just said she was making a statement and fuck you all. Kathy said yes. She said her comedian friends were all mad when she apologized. She said the Department of Justice did an investigation on her. She said that's making history. She said that they have never had the DOJ investigate a private citizen like that. Kathy said she was under a federal investigation.
Howard said Trump used the DOJ to give her a tweak in her life. Kathy said that Don Jr. was going on and saying stuff too. She said he's like a chimp. Howard said when he said something she must have been upset. Kathy said once Trump sent out the tweet then things were on. She said she was on FOX wall to wall according to her mom.
Howard asked if she looked for someone to help her out. Kathy said she did. She said a publicist came to her and yelled at her. Kathy said she's not sure why she even called her. She said that she wasn't looking for this woman to call her. Kathy said calls were coming in and it was interesting to get calls from people like Katt Williams. She said she thinks he's a genius comedian. She said he just has it. She said Katt told her to make a list and she'd find out who her friends were that day. She said it was her mom, her boyfriend and her assistant. She said it was only 3 people. She said no one knew what to do.
Howard asked who her agent was. Kathy said that William Morris was. She said it was just too much for them so she left.
Howard asked if she said she was leaving. She said she did. She said they wanted to act like nothing was wrong. Kathy said she wanted to figure things out and make lemonade out of the whole thing. She said she didn't want to bring that to them. Kathy said no TV shows were coming near her.
Howard asked Kathy about who was coming after her. She said even Anderson Cooper came after her. Howard said everyone was coming down on her at that point. He asked if she became a recluse. Kathy said she did. She said she had the FBI calling her saying she was a credible threat. She said that it was a lot. Howard asked if the FBI felt they had to investigate her or were they put up to it. Kathy said that she finds it hard to believe that they had to investigate her. Kathy said yes. Howard said she was on the no fly list. Kathy said she kept her stand up agent and that's the one thing she can do. She said she asked to be sent over seas where they can't stand trump. She said she went overseas and did 15 countries and she was detained in every airport. She said it's very scary. Kathy said that they take your passport and they take you to a room and you don't know what's going to happen next.
Howard said they must know what's going on with her. Howard said they know she's a comedian. Kathy said not in every country she went to. She said they would put her in this room. She said she didn't have the courage to ask even one person what the problem was. She said she was too scared. She said sometimes they'd come back and then they don't say anything and they just let you go. She said she would just say thank you and she was out of there. She said they were frisking her and all of that. She said they'd take her passport and go make calls in some other room. She said it was very scary.
Howard said it has to be scary when the DOJ is investigating her. He said they have things other than her to investigate. Robin said that if something does go down she can't even call the U.S. Embassy. Kathy said she's right.
Kathy said before she left the country she would make contact with a journalist. She said she'd give an itinerary and she'd stay in contact with people so they all knew where she was going. She said she was given a lot of good advice before she went on the road.
Howard said he's been bothered by this attack on Amazon by the President. He said it's a great company and he feels like Trump is attacking him because Bezos owns the Washington Post. Howard said this is alarming to him in a serious way. Kathy said that she may have hated that picture she put out but she wants you to know if a 13 year old kid puts out that photo they shouldn't be investigated.
Robin said they never take comedians seriously. Kathy said that she's been hired twice to roast Trump so he knows her brand.
Howard asked if she was suicidal at any point. Kathy said she wasn't suicidal but she was wondering how she was going to get out of this. She said she just had to go back to stand up. She said she realized how crazy things are and how it could be funny.
Kathy said that she as a big announcement to make. She said at 10 o'clock today you can go online and get tickets. She said she sold out Carnegie Hall and she's going to be playing Radio City too so you can get tickets to that.
Howard asked if this has helped her career in a way. Kathy said she thinks it has. She said Trump has done so many heinous things that people now don't come up to her saying she's a traitor and they compliment her.
Kathy said that she was out of work for a full year. She said she worked on material night and day. She said she was constantly producing content. Howard asked if it's tough to do that. Kathy said she had meetings with networks and they'd come to her house and she'd have to tell them the whole story. She said she wanted to do a whole docuseries about her life and then in other seasons she'd do other people. She said all of the networks just wanted to use her for a dinner party story.
Howard said he wants to go to CNN. Kathy said she's banned for life. She said she worked there one night a year. Howard asked how that happens. He said the Trump picture goes out and she pulls it down. Howard said then she apologizes for it and says she did it on the fly. Kathy said that she has done many events for the military and they turned on her. She said Al Franken called and said she can't be associated with her again. Howard said she was scheduled to appear with Al and he called and said she can't be there. Kathy said he said that he can't be associated with her. Kathy said she burst into tears and had to hand the phone to her boyfriend.
Howard said with Al Franken he calls and says he can't be associated with him. Howard said no wonder she was freaking out. Kathy said she used to be in contact with him several times a day. She said no one wanted to hear a word from her. She said she started balling when she got that call.
Howard said when Al got into his stuff was she sad about that. Kathy said she's neutral. She said it did hurt her when he did that on a human level.
Howard asked who called her up saying they weren't going to do stuff with her. Kathy said she was in the middle of a tour and she had clubs calling her saying they had to back out. She said she had no idea that this machine was in place. She said it's the same machine that goes after Kaepernick. She said that they love to show the picture with the mask and say that they will never forget. She said that's not ground zero.
Howard said she was in the thick of it and she had done the New Years Eve show with Anderson Cooper. Kathy said she loved him as a friend. She said they were really close. She said that it was really close the first 5 years. She said that he was kind of into shiny objects and that wore off. She said she loved his mother too of course. Howard asked how she got hooked up with him. Kathy said that she had a show on NBC and Anderson came on her show twice and they became friends. She said they just stayed friends all those years. She said she had dinner at his house and she hung out with him. She said that they were close. Howard said then she did the New Years Eve show and did that over the years. Kathy said she did get fired every year doing that show though. Kathy said she called Jeff Zucker asking for a raise and ended up in a screaming match with him.
Howard asked why they fire them when they ask for a raise. Kathy said it's the vagina. She said it's also ageism. Howard said he's going to give her some blowback on that. Howard said in his career he'd go in asking for money and he'd sit there with the man and they'd look at him like a child. Howard said he'd ask for the right to syndicate. He said they'd say no. Howard said he thinks men and women both experience that. He said he knows that he'd go in and propose these ideas and they'd be like ''Fuck you'' and threaten him. He said it's not just women.
Howard went back to the CNN thing and said she was turned down for a raise. Howard said that an agent would tell her to never do it for free. Kathy said she wasn't even thinking that way when she started out. Howard said she wasn't asking for a lot of money but this Jeff Zucker went off on her. Kathy said that William Morris called and said how dare you speak to him that way. She said there's a dark side to feminism. She said a lot of women turn on her too. She said that the gays stick together and she's always saying that women have to be more like that.
Howard asked if her publicist and agent were upset with her. Kathy said they screamed at her and said ''how dare you.'' Howard said she stuck with the CNN thing for 10 years and you'd think that Anderson Cooper would have her back. Kathy said Jake Tapper sent out a tweet and Anderson didn't have to. She said that one just hurt. Howard said Anderson tweeted out that he was appalled and it was disgusting what she did. Howard said he didn't need to do that.
Kathy said that her show is now 3 hours long and she has a lot to say. She said she keeps adding more to her act too. She said there are things happening to her every day.
Kathy said that she got a call from Jim Carrey who she didn't even know that well. She said that she was on the phone crying with him. She said she thought it was over for her. She said he told her not to apologize. Howard said Jim also told her that it's a comedian's job to fuck up and to push the line. Howard said he couldn't agree more. He said he's going to say shit on the radio show that's off the wall. He said that it's also true that people are very sensitive in the beginning but then it settles down.
Howard said Jim Carrey must be a hero to her. Kathy said Jamie Foxx also defended her. She said that he didn't call but he mentioned it in an interview. She said it was guy comics who came to her defense more than women. Howard said you remember those people too. Kathy said you do.
Howard said that Anderson Cooper could have said something to her privately. Howard said Cher also turned on her. Kathy said that she's done controversial stuff too. She said that she has texted her. She said that Cher asked why she did this and why she didn't call her first. She said she ran for the hills.
Howard said it's great to have celebrity friends but when the chips are down they're out. Kathy said they're out and it's not even funny.
Kathy said she was fearful to come on the show. She said that Gary and Randy were talking and Gary said they wanted her to tell her side of the story. She said she got fucked and she didn't want to tell her story. Howard said she's welcome there any time. Kathy said that's key.
Howard said Kathy went on Bill Maher's show and then she canceled the Jimmy Kimmel show. Kathy said nothing is going on there. She said Jimmy is a friend. She said Jimmy was the only one who would go on record about her. She said she called people personally and asked them to talk to this reporter that was calling and none of them did it. She said that hurt. She said the cure for that is comedy. She said that's why she's been writing so much.
Howard asked if Anderson called her at all. She said he texted about a month later. Kathy said that she got fired immediately and then Don Jr. said he wanted her banned for life so CNN did it. She said that they had already fired her and then they banned her for life. Howard asked if anyone else is banned for life from CNN. Kathy said she might have the record.
Kathy said she was also fired by Squatty Potty. She said she cashed that check so fast when she got it. Howard said Kathy got fired from CNN and that was a good gig for her. Kathy said she thought Anderson as going to tell her she'd be okay. She said that he had one bad tweet one time that he called her about. She said that he can't even handle that.
Howard asked what the contact is that Anderson said to her. Kathy said she got one saying that he can tell that she doesn't want to talk to him based on her not contacting him. She said she was dealing with a lot of stuff. Howard said that's interesting that he said he can't believe she didn't contact him. Kathy said that she was friends with Don Cheedle and he didn't reach out. She said that Debra Messing reached out. She said she's known her for a long time. She said that Debra said that it was disgusting but she was the only one who said she didn't know they were out to get her and ruin her. Kathy said that Don Jr. wanted to ruin her across the board.
Howard asked what these people did to her. Kathy said they just hopped on the wagon and went after her. She said everyone turned on her.
Howard said this is more fascinating with Anderson Cooper. Howard asked if she wrote him back at all. She said no. She said Andy Cohen used to give her shit too. She said they were talking about this on What's Happening Live and they were making fun of her before New Years. She said that it was Anderson and Andy and the assistant comes after her. Howard said that's why the text is so interesting. He said Andy and Anderson are very close. He said Andy took the job that Kathy used to have.
Kathy said she was fired from Bravo and she feels she helped build that network. She said she hates Andy Cohen. She said she feels like he's a talentless piece of shit. She said she did a whole YouTube bit about that. She said she has nothing to lose at this point so she doesn't give a shit.
Howard said he knows Andy and Anderson pretty well. He said you don't know what the relationship is going to be. Howard asked if Andy took shots at her too. Kathy said he always has. She said it was a grind working for him. She said that she thinks he doesn't have a skill set of his own and he's not funny. He just latches on to people. Howard said they have good ratings on that show. Kathy said that they put the ratings all together with the Housewives shows. She said his ratings are higher because of that.
Howard asked if she watched the New Years Eve show with Andy and Anderson. Kathy said she did and she loved it. She said she heard it was a train wreck so she tuned in and loved that it was a train wreck.
Howard asked if Quentin Tarantino reached out to her. Kathy said he didn't. She said no one did. She said that she dated him and he didn't reach out. She said it's been a year since she had a paid gig in her own country. She said that she's a workaholic so that's been tough for her. She said she's humbled and grateful that she has these shows selling out.
Robin asked what her fans were like. Kathy said her fans were solid. He said the fans who buy the tickets and all of that were down.
Howard said that things were really bad and then in a bizarre twist she only had her home to go and relax. He said all of a sudden she's in a fight with her neighbor. Kathy said she just went through a 5 day trial in Santa Monica. Howard said she loves in a nice home in an exclusive neighborhood. She said that she lives hear Kim and Kanye. She said they were great neighbors. Kathy said that she thought her other neighbors were going to be nice and quiet. She said that he's in his 60s and it should have been quite. She said that there was noise over there constantly. Howard said that's his worst nightmare. He said he's a quiet freak. Kathy said hat's supposed to be your sanctuary. Howard said sometimes he's had neighbors who were so inconsiderate and they'd go all night long with music. He said it's maddening. He said there are rules of etiquette. He said you don't leave music going all night long. He said he remembers when he was broke living next to people who knew he had to go to bed early would play music all night.
Kathy said they didn't call the cops for 9 months. She said they tried to work things out. She said that they had them over to their house to be nice to them. She said that this neighbor, Jeffrey, said that they can call all they want and he's going to keep doing it. Howard asked about the other neighbor and if they're bothered by the noise. Kathy said it was Kim and Kanye and they were gone a lot. She said that their kids never made noise over there. Howard asked about Jeffrey's other side. She said he's butted against the back of someone's yard so the noise isn't an issue.
Howard asked what happened with this guy. Kathy said the tape Howard has is this 62 year old guy yelling over the wall at her. She said her security cameras picked it up. Howard asked if he has worked that out yet. Kathy said that they haven't. She said that her restraining order has expired. She said that she's just hoping for the best at this point.
Howard said Kathy had a press conference with her lawyer Lisa Bloom. Kathy said she had to fire her. She said that she did a press conference there at her office and she had her web site advertised in the office. She said that was a disaster. Howard said that didn't work. Kathy said that things got worse.
Howard asked if she paid her. Kathy said she paid her $40,000 and it didn't work so she asked for her money back and she refused. She said this Lisa Bloom was doing her own interviews about this in the hall. She said things were crazy.
Howard said they've gotten a window into her life. He asked if this has affected her life at all. Kathy said the first thing that happened was that she lost 15 pounds. She said that women are going to hate her for that. She said that was something she didn't notice until people were saying she didn't look well. She said everything was making her sick. She said she got a new shrink. She said that she asked friends for the best one around.
Howard said that you don't want it to be your legacy to leave it there. Howard asked what a shrink says to get you back on track. Kathy said that they keep you going day to day. Kathy said she had a woman come up to her with a sloshing glass of wine and called her a traitor. She said it's been a year, come on.
Howard said Kathy did an apology video from her house. Kathy said she figured she had to get it out as fast as possible. Howard asked if that's why she didn't wear makeup. Kathy said it is. She said she wishes she had worn makeup but she did it as fast as she could.
Howard asked what the worst thing to happen to her was. Kathy said she had people who would call her to support her and they'd ask her not to mention publicly that they called. Howard asked if Cher asked to come over would she have her over or not. Kathy said that she reached out to some people and asked where the fuck they were and they got defensive. She said that she's on her own there and that's what she realized. She said that's why she holed up in her house and started writing. She said if Cher called she might blow it off. She said she doesn't have time for people like that. She said they didn't bother to pick up the phone. She said Bette Midler was amazing. She said she sent her a letter and a phone call. She said that she told her this was wrong and she has her first amendment rights. She said she was saying the things you'd say to a friend. Kathy said that Judd Apatow was being very nice too. She said what she needed was someone to lift a finger and give her a job. She said that it would have all gone away if someone had done something, just one little thing. She said it just didn't happen.
Howard asked if she has a different view of show business now. Kathy said yes. She said now she's on a kill list. She said that there is a group somewhere that has her on a 40 person kill list. She said that she'd like to know who the other 39 people are.
Howard said Joan Rivers would have told her what to do. Howard said that this Ryan Seacrest is accused of doing some things to a stylist and Kathy offered her a job working for her. Kathy said that she didn't even have her contact info. She said that's what these women need. She said that's what she needed. Kathy said they just want to work.
Howard asked if she feels that Ryan could be innocent. Kathy said it wouldn't surprise him if he's not. She said it's so easy to just offer this possible victim a job.
Howard said Kathy is back on the road and she's sold out Carnegie Hall. She said at 10am you can go on and get tickets to Radio City. She said she talks about a lot of stuff in her act now.
Howard asked if Kathy would save Trump in a sinking boat. Kathy said yes. She said that she was invited to the White House Correspondents dinner this year. She said that she doesn't think that Trump will show up. Robin asked what happened to the photographer that took that shot. Kathy said that he's fine. She said he's got his own show on Comedy Central.
Howard asked if she ever wanted to pick up the phone and beg for mercy. Kathy said no way. Howard said she's still smiling. Kathy said she reads one of her death threats on stage. She said the Trump fans aren't so good with the grammar. He said that the number one way to want to kill her is to cut her head off and shove it up her cunt. Howard asked if she could be friends with a female Trump supporter. Kathy said not right now. Kathy said her mom and other family members were getting death threats too.
Howard said that Kathy is on her North American leg of the Laugh Your Head Off tour. Howard asked if her sex life fell off during this. Kathy said that it did in the beginning but then it took off to get her mind off of this stuff. Howard said you can go to KathyGriffin.com for ticket information. Kathy said you can sign up for her text messages too.
Kathy said that she went and did one show where she actually passed out after doing it. She said that she was dehydrated from doing the show. Howard asked who the number 1 enemy is to her. Kathy said it's Trump. She said he sends out the tweets and he knows what's going to happen.
Howard asked Kathy if she had to save Andy or Anderson Cooper which one would she let die. Kathy said she would watch them both die. Howard had her pick one. Kathy said she picks Fred. Howard said Fred isn't there. Howard said that they have to let one live and let one die. Kathy said that she's going to let Andy die. Howard said alert the media Fred. Kathy said he'll do it. Howard said Fred didn't reach out to her either. He said he doesn't talk though.
Howard asked who is now her best celebrity friend. Kathy said she doesn't hang out with them but maybe Aubrey Plaza. She said she's been there from the beginning saying this was wrong what they were doing to her. She said that she got turned down at Netflix to do a show for them. She said she's too dangerous for them. She said Stevie Nicks is another great one in all of this. She said that Stevie had her to her sound check. She said that she talks about that in her act too.
Howard asked if she had any support from anyone she didn't want it from. Kathy said Billy Bush wrote her a letter that she reads in her act. She said you have to come and see that in her show.
Howard started to wrap up with Kathy and gave her some more plugs. Kathy mentioned that she's on the fence with Fred in a joking way. That led to her asking if Howard talks to Fred. Howard said he doesn't really. He said they talk once a year at the Christmas party and that's enough. Howard gave Kathy some more plugs and then went to break.
Howard came back and said listen to this fucker. He said there's no one better. He said that one album was unbelievable. Fred said that was done live on the BBC. He said that's where that version of the song was from. Howard said he only lived to 27. Howard said one of his favorite artists only lived to 27. He said his name was Bonnington. He said he was amazing at drawing and painting. Howard said he thinks about what he could have done if he had gotten older. Howard said Janis Joplin was 27 and so was Jim Morrison. Howard said this Bonnington would sit outside and draw a whole city scape. He said Kurt Cobain died at 27 too. Fred said Brian Jones too. Howard said he died under strange circumstances.
Howard said Fred did his Ronnie impression yesterday and he heard him say ''yeah, my ass cunt.'' He said he's never laughed so hard. He said he's never heard of that. Fred did more of those lines giving Howard some others.
Howard wondered how many they could come up with for his ass vagina. He said they could do a song parody with one where they come up with them. Howard had Fred play some Dueling Banjos music to come up with the new ass cunt names. Howard had anal labia, Fred had rump cunt. Howard and Fred went back and forth. Howard was confused by the music. They came up with more like...
Howard said that Brian Jones died of ''misadventure.'' Howard said he'll never die of that because he never does anything. They played a song parody about Howard not having fun. They played a promo for Howard going to Cleveland for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame too.
Robin started off with a story about how beautiful people have a different view of the world than others. Sour was playing some sound effects that sounded like wind chimes. Sour Imus said they were medical equipment sounds. Sour Imus was also apologizing to Robin about the way he treated her back at WNBC.
Robin got back to the news story about beautiful people and how they think the world is fair and just unlike others. Robin said this was a study that was done and published in some medical journal.
Robin read a story about how size does matter. Robin said scientists claim that with a long penis women have more orgasms. Howard said he liked the story about how size doesn't matter. Robin said a group of scientists say that men with longer penises were able to provide more vaginal orgasms. Howard asked about girth. Robin said this is just about length. Howard said thank god. He said years ago Jessica Hahn was on the show and she said that Sam might not have the biggest penis but he had girth. Howard said he heard that and wondered why he doesn't have any of that.
Howard said that Ronnie says that penis size doesn't matter. Howard had him come in to talk about that. Ronnie came in and said that he's been told by different women that it's all about the technique you use with your penis and everything else together. He said that's what gives them that bit explosion. Robin was laughing so Ronnie yelled at her asking what the problem is.
Robin said these were vaginal orgasms. Ronnie said he knows that. He said that clitoral is totally different. Howard said he could listen to this all day. He thanked Ronnie for coming in. They spent a little more time with Ronnie and then Howard took a call from Wendy the Slow Adult asking if size matters. Wendy said no. She said that it doesn't matter. Robin asked if she knew what they were talking about. Wendy did. She said that Ronnie has to calm down. She said he needs to take a chill pill. She said that he has to just stomp his feet or kick a wall instead. Ronnie said he can do that. Howard asked Wendy if girth matters. Wendy said yes to that.
Wendy said that her mom is in the hospital and she's been in there for like 2 weeks. He said that she's been there with her. Wendy said she sleeps there with her mom. Howard said that must be great comfort to her.
Howard asked Wendy if she has made doody in her underpants. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if the room begins to smell. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if the nurses or doctors ask her to clean up. Wendy said yes to that too. She said she goes to the bathroom to clean up. Howard asked if she gets doody on the floor. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if she throws them out. Wendy said yes. She said then the trash can smells. She said that has a lid on it though. Wendy was saying yes to everything Howard asked. He asked her about wiping and things like that. Robin asked if penis size matters. Wendy finally said ''no.''
Robin asked how long her mom is going to be in the hospital. Wendy said she doesn't know. She said she has been in a lot of pain there. She said she's not sure when she's getting out. Howard said maybe she's just trying to get away from her. Wendy said she's healthy but she's trying to get better. She said she's there to help her get back on her feet. Howard thanked Wendy for calling in. Howard was about to let her go but Wendy said ''Hey Howard...'' and he knew that she was going to ask for something. Wendy said she's going to paint a picture of her and Howard but not of Robin because she talks too much about Robin. Howard said he would probably bang Robin before her. Wendy said she's sort of jealous there. She said it's making her feel bad.
Howard asked if Wendy would box Robin and the winner gets him. Wendy said yes. Robin said she might have ''slow people strength.'' Howard said that's right. He said Robin would pass out from the smell of her underpants.
Robin read a story about Laura Ingraham returning to her show at FOX News. Robin said FOX News must have been listening to Howard yesterday. Howard said she's doing what they want. Robin said more than a dozen advertisers dropped her show when a boycott was called for.
Robin read a story about Jared Fogel the Subway guy and how he's suing the judge and prosecutors who sent him to prison. Howard said why not, he's got nothing better to do. Robin said he must be studying law and thinks he knows the law. Robin said he's saying that they did him wrong when they charged him with conspiracy to receive pictures of minors.
Robin said Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan have decided to split after 9 years of marriage. Howard said you'd think people that beautiful could stay together. Howard said in his mind he's the perfect mate. He said that he looks at Beth and can't believe that she married him. Howard said sometimes people get tired of the same ol' same ol'. Robin said they say that they have lovingly chose to separate. Howard said give them a few years. Robin said she thought he said something about having other women in the relationship. Robin said he may have said it there and other places. Robin said with that going on how do you get bored? Howard said that can fuck people up. He said he doesn't want to see other guys fucking his wife. Gary said he can't find anything about it after searching the internet.
Robin read a story about Winnie Mandela who was the wife of Nelson Mandela has died at the age of 81. Robin said she was the mother of the freedom movement in South Africa. Howard said Chris Rock does a great routine about how even Nelson Mandela couldn't stay with his wife. He said he had no problem sitting in jail for 27 years but he had to leave his wife when he got out. Howard said it's a great routine.
Robin said that Netflix is looking for some good TV watchers. Robin said they are looking for binge watchers. They want to fill editorial analyst jobs. Howard said Ralph would be good at that. He said that he'd nominate Ralph. Robin said that they need people with a deep knowledge of the entertainment industry. Robin said this would be good for JD. She said that you have to be able to work on a tight deadline. Howard said Ralph can do that too. Howard said Gary is also into it. He said he watches so much TV and listens to books. He said he has no idea who is on the news but Gary watches every show on every local news channel. Gary said he mostly watches CBS. Howard said he's seen every episode of Law and Order. Gary said he's seen every episode of Survivor too. Howard said he remembers it all too. He said he gets bored with TV after a while but some of these guys... Robin said Jon Hein. Howard said he heard that Gary watches at least 3 hours of TV a night. Gary said he has a bunch of stuff to catch up on tonight. He told Howard some of the stuff he's going to watch. Howard asked Gary more about when he watches and found out he does it while he's at the gym and things like that.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked if that job is real. He said he would love a deadline to do something too. Howard said he thinks they'd give him the job. He said that Ralph sits there watching Netflix all day. Ralph said the job sounds perfect. He asked Howard to give Ted (Sarandos) his email. Howard said Ralph has seen things on Netflix that no one has seen. Ralph said you need someone like him to tell you what to watch because they put out so much. Howard said he has a list of peoples recommendations for shows. He said he can't even get to them. Ralph said he went to a bunch of them last week. Howard said Netflix might owe Ralph back wages. Gary said there's a show on Netflix called The Push where this mentalist tries to convince people to commit murder. Gary said the show is really good. He said some people kill the set up guy who is sitting on a ledge. Howard asked what that show is called. Gary said it's called The Push. Howard asked how Ralph missed that. Ralph said he'd watch it if Ted pays him. Howard said now he won't watch shows on Netflix. Ralph said he's waiting for them to pay him.
Howard asked Ralph what he thinks about Ronnie taking that thing in his ass. Ralph said Ronnie shaves his ass and he wants it played with often. Howard said he's not sure how he does it. He asked why Ronnie hasn't done a sex tip video on YouTube. He said there are guys who give manscaping advice and things like that. Howard said he should be doing that stuff.
Ralph said that Ronnie is so relaxed that he can work the buttons and dials on the vibrator. Howard said the girlfriend was doing that. Ralph said he loved that they were giving him a hard time about washing it properly but meanwhile he had it up his ass. Howard asked if they have taken the picture of that thing yet and put it up. Howard said they better have. No one was answering. Howard said it is 11:15 so they all went home.
Ralph checked the web site and saw the device and asked how he got past that first knob on the thing. He said it's big. Howard asked Jason to do a side by side of that thing with a ruler. Jason said he's on it. Ralph asked if he can imagine having that in his ass and then making it vibrate. Howard said he can't imagine that. Fred did his Ronnie impression talking about that.
Howard said he heard Ronnie was out there showing the guys how far in it went. Ronnie came in and said he did show Jason. He said it went past here. He showed it to Howard. Howard said that's like 4 inches. Gary said it's more like 8. Ronnie said it is not.
Howard said he's not sure he agrees with Ronnie. He said it might be more than 4. Gary measured it. He came up with 4 inches. Gary said it's 4 to the third knob. Ralph asked how far across it is. Howard said he's heard enough. Howard thanked the guys for that. Howard said Gary just touched that thing that was up Ronnie's ass. He said you know Ronnie washed it oh so well. Ronnie said he did.
Howard asked how often he shaves his bush. Ronnie said every Friday is grooming day for him. He said he has a razor he uses for that. Ralph asked if he trims it with clippers. Ronnie said it's not that long. Ralph said he can use a clipper to just take it down. Ronnie said he uses it in that area. Howard asked if he looks in the mirror when he does it. Ronnie said no. He said he does it in the shower. Ralph asked if he squats. Ronnie said Ralph knows what he does. He has a bench in his shower. Howard asked him more about what he does. Ronnie said he doesn't look. He just does it. Howard asked if in all these years he's never had blood down there. Ronnie said never. Howard said he should get it waxed. Ronnie said no way. He said he's just shaving it every Friday. Ralph said he would love to watch Ronnie doing that. Howard said that would be the greatest video ever.
Howard took a call from Ronnie's asshole. The asshole said he's hungry for a cock. He was asking for other things to be shove din there too. Howard said George Takei is on the phone too. He had Sour Shoes back on doing his George voice. George said that he doesn't need to shave because he's Asian. He said he can take all noineteen inches in there. Howard said he has to go. Ralph asked why Ronnie stopped. Ronnie said it hurt. Howard asked if he wants to try it again. Ronnie said maybe. He said that third one is pretty big. He said he doesn't know if he can do it. Howard let Ronnie and Ralph go after that.
Howard said he has audio of Ronnie saying he won't take a rubber fist up his ass. He played that clip and Ronnie said he won't do that. Howard said he thinks they can convince him to do it.
Robin read a story about the Bill Cosby trial starting up again in Pennsylvania. Robin said they're picking the jury now. Robin said only one man has been picked so far. Howard said they're looking for anyone who hasn't heard of the #MeToo movement. Howard said that they found one guy. He wondered what that guy does for a living. He wants to meet that guy.
Robin read a story about a kid who was arrested in Newark, New Jersey and he started to sing the Cops theme song. Robin had some audio of him singing as he was being arrested.
Robin read a story about a man who is suing Alex Jones for claiming he had carried out the Parkland shooting. Robin said that this guy is suing Jones for a million dollars. Robin had some audio of Alex Jones saying some wacky stuff on his show. Howard asked if that's a comedy show. Robin said she's not sure what you'd call that.
Robin read a story about a man who is accused of extortion to get pictures of a 13 year old girl. Robin said that this guy started to intimidate her after gaining her trust. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the case.
Robin wrapped up the news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started the show talking about how he wishes Robin had been in here before the show for the pre-show meeting. He said he went over JD's winnings for the college basketball pool. He said he was in for like 20 dollars. Robin asked if you pick anything. Howard said JD won the big pool that was put together by someone at the Mad Dog channel. He said he didn't like the pay out. He said JD told him he was supposed to win $3,000 but he got $2,500 and something in Paypal and it didn't add up to $3,000. He said that some people didn't put in their money. He said JD said he was happy but he shouldn't be happy. He said there's a problem there if it wasn't the full amount. He said JD got upset that he was getting involved. He said he might march him down to the Mad Dog channel to get his money.
JD said that they were doing the math and telling him it should be $3,000 but he's happy with what he got. Howard said he should get the full amount. He said he beat the odds and it's almost impossible to win something like this. JD said there were 148 brackets. Howard said it was winner take all. JD said he thinks so. He said he just gave them his 20 and did his brackets.
Howard asked JD if he asked why he didn't get the 3 grand. JD said he was told that there were people who didn't use their real names in the pool. Robin said they would have taken the winnings if they had won.
Howard said he's sure this guy is a nice guy but if someone doesn't pay in they have to be thrown out at the beginning. Robin said they had to be sold to someone else. Robin said you have to have all brackets sold. JD said he didn't know that they didn't collect all of the winnings.
Howard said it should have been $2960. JD said he ended up with $2,700 in total. He said it was 2500 in cash and a couple hundred in PayPal. Howard said it should have been all cash.
JD said someone on the morning show was saying the person who wins the pool tips the guy who runs the bracket so he tipped him $40. Howard said he'd tip the guy if he gave him the full amount. JD said he didn't want to start anything. He said he was told he should have tipped the guy $100. Howard said tell him to go collect the rest of the money and he can get a tip.
Howard asked if he should march JD down there to get his money. JD said no thanks. Howard said he should do it. He asked if he tips a waiter if he doesn't bring his full meal. JD said ''Uhh...'' Howard said no you don't. JD said he would figure out a reason to tip.
Howard said JD must have a ton of repressed anger. JD said he's sure he does. Howard said the brain is broken up into 3 areas. He said there is rage and anger in one area. He said we don't even get to know what's in there. He said the Id is for life. He said that if you were pure Id you'd kill someone for not giving you $10. He said then there's the ego. He said that's the jail keeper. He said that keeps the ugly, repressed thoughts down under lock and key. He said imagine that job. He said then the Superego is the mom and dad yelling at you for things. He said the brain is an incredible machine. He said then there's displaced rage. He said that's when someone in road rage is so fucking angry at someone who cut them off. He said they're really just angry at mommy and daddy. He said it's over the top anger.
Howard said JD must have been pissed. He said he was probably enraged but his brain repressed that rage. He said the rage just goes to jail in your Id. Robin said then he thinks of ways to forgive the people who have done him wrong. Then he tips them. Howard said that's right. He said he has a friend and his friends name is Howard Stern. The H-man. Robin said she's trying to forget that. Howard said he's his mumbling Fredo. Howard asked if he wants that additional 200. JD said no. Robin said if they gave it to him he'd want it. Howard said he'll go down there right now and get it. JD said he got more than he expected. Robin said he should have gotten the full amount. JD said they're treating it like a mob deal. He said it's just a goofy thing to do at work. Howard said he'll walk down there and talk to them like a man. JD said everything is fine. He said the guy is a nice guy and he's very busy. He said he might be disorganized but he's fine.
Howard said he likes JD. JD said he likes him to. Howard said he wants him to quiet down for a minute. He said he has been good to him and he returns those favors. Fred had the Godfather theme playing behind him. Howard said he'll go down there and talk to them about one of his own has been wronged. He said they will make him whole and he will remember this favor. He said then they may come to him for a favor.
Robin said if she ran a bracket and she had guaranteed a certain pay out she would make sur that person got paid. Robin said if someone doesn't pay in then it's up to her.
Gary said he has a wireless if he wants him to go down. Howard said he's going to handle this for JD. JD said he doesn't have to do this. Gary said he has the greatest arguer in history on his side. JD said that he doesn't need this. He said it's so much bigger than it needs to be. Robin asked if he gets justice in his personal life. JD said it's fine. Howard asked if he wants justice. JD said no. He said he doesn't want him to go. He said when he does stuff like this he doesn't want to feel that the guy is pressured into this. He said he didn't cause this. Robin said he did.
Howard asked if he wants justice. JD said ''Uh... no.'' Howard said no or yes. JD wasn't really answering so Howard demanded a yes or no. JD said he does actually.
Gary went down to the Mad Dog Russo show studio to talk to this guy Mike. Gary said he's walking down there now. Howard said they offered 2,900 and only gave JD 2,700. Gary was giving a play by play as he was walking down there. The microphone was cutting out. Howard said they're losing Gary.
Howard asked JD what he's doing with the money now that he's won. Howard asked how they're going to hear Gary now. He wasn't getting anything.
Howard heard the Mad Dog show so he was listening to what they were saying over there about what JD was supposed to get. Then Gary came in. Howard was echoing so they were trying to get that fixed.
Howard asked why he's echoing. Robin said something has to be turned off. Howard asked for some help in there. Howard said they have a problem there and it's not the Mad Dog guys. They finally fixed it.
Howard talked to Mike about this bracket thing and said he has the background on it. Howard said JD played fair and square and he won. He said he appreciates him putting this together. Howard said he was supposed to get like $2,900 and it's not his problem that they didn't have the full amount. JD was laughing. JD said he did tip him $40 yesterday. It wasn't just 20. Mike said he had to pay for his own bracket. JD said that's not his problem.
Howard said if these guys who didn't pay in would have won then they would have gotten paid. Howard said JD is owed more money and it's not right that he beat the odds and didn't get the full amount. Howard said it's not alright. He said that Mike doesn't deserve a tip for running a pool where he didn't get the full amount. Mike said this was Mad Dog's baby and he put in some bonus points that weren't online. He said you have to look at the scores and it's a lot of work. Howard said it's a dishonest pool. He said he'd get pissed if he was in this pool. He said they have a good relationship with Mad Dog and the channel over there. Howard said this is embarrassing to him when one of his guys gets stiffed. He said what he'd like him to do is tell him about how JD has been wronged and someone over there has to find his $200 to make him whole. Mike asked if he gets another tip. Howard said no.
Howard said that he has to get this 200 to JD and he'll consider it a personal favor. Mike said he understands. He said shame on the people who didn't pay in. Howard said Mike is a friend of his now. He said he's going to solve this problem. He said when they see each other in the halls he will thank him for being a gentleman. He said in the same way with his guys he will settle things with his guys if he has a problem. Howard said this is a man of honor and he's going to figure this out for JD. Mike said he will try. He said that he's not responsible for the Russian bots out there who are causing problems. Howard said he's got a good thing going over there. He said he settles this with JD and he'll call it even. He said by the end of the day he would appreciate him getting his 200 by the end of the day. Howard said it was a pleasure speaking to him. Howard thanked Mike for the help.
Howard said Mike is going to get JD his money by the end of the day. Howard said he'll take his show back now. He said JD got justice. Howard said he takes care of his good by JD. He said he wants him to come to him before getting into these pools from now on. Fred had the Godfather music playing while all of this was going on. They went to break after playing a clip from The Godfather movie.
Howard asked the caller what she wanted to say. The caller said that last thing with JD was amazing. She said she has never listened to Mad Dog and she's in her car and she had to hear what they were saying after they left. She said they should be paying Howard for that. She said that they were so complimentary. Howard said the guys were not assholes and they heard them and understood that JD is owed money. He said they're stand up guys. He said he has no problem with them. Robin said not right now. Everything is good right now.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's drinking coffee and listening to the show. Howard said he had his coffee too. He said he gets a super large cup of this stuff from Dunkin Donuts. Robin said that's like 2 and a half cups of coffee. The caller said she gets a big one and it cools down too fast. She said that it tastes like shit. She asked how he deals with that. Howard said he drinks it quickly. Howard said she's not wrong. He said the temperature affects the flavor. He said that the taste bud receptors are sensitive and when things are room temperature you taste them better. He said the hotter the bitter coffee is the better the taste bud receptors work.
Robin asked if the coffee stays warmer longer in that cup. Howard said it does. He said you don't taste the bitterness when the coffee is hot. He said that's why it tastes like shit.
Howard said he used to drink it super hot but it would burn his mouth so he doesn't do that now. He said what he does is take off the lid and let it cool down. He said then he drinks it quickly. He said he doesn't gulp it though. He said he eats some yogurt with berries and swishes it down with coffee. Robin said he might as well put in cream. Howard said he does this fairly quickly. He said he doesn't let the coffee get too cool. He said the process is great.
Howard said his coffee is sitting next to him. He said it got cool too fast and it's sitting there now. He said Steve Nowicki brought it to him today and he's not too fast.
Robin said a friend of her's showed her a cup and you can determine your favorite temperature and it keeps it that temperature. Robin said it stays that way the entire cup. Howard said that is an invention he likes. He said he needs that. Robin said she has a thermal cup she uses. Howard asked how many times she's left it at work. Robin said a few times.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard on the news that they're going to throw people out of the Masters who yell out Baba Booey. Howard said that's right. He played a news clip where they talked about the new rule for the Masters. Howard said he thinks that the banning is wrong. He said he's not sure what kind of turd is saying ''Dilly, dilly'' but it seems like they just don't want to give Baba Booey credit. Howard said he believes that he's heard this before. He said they say it's banned and it happens anyway and nothing happens. Howard said he can't guarantee that. Robin said she's never heard it announced like that before. Robin said she's looking Howard to seeing if they enforce it.
Howard said he has never advocated that anyone do this but he does listen and he's tickled pink by it when he hears it. Robin said she wouldn't be tuning in if it wasn't for the Baba Booeys.
Howard said speaking of the Masters they were there last year with the Baba Booeys. Howard played a clip from the Masters where people were yelling it out. Howard said he watches football and the kicker has 80,000 fans yelling. He said that they should be able to have this at the golf games. He said that they have basketball players who can man up and shoot with fans yelling at them.
The caller said he got his Flat Ronnie on a local news program but he can't find any footage of it. Howard asked if that's it. The caller asked where he would rank Bubba next to Imus. Howard said Bubba is way higher than Imus. He let the caller go after that. Howard said Bubba is really committed to that show of his. He said he's in court just about every day for it.
Howard said he was talking to a buddy of his named Pete. He said he's a cop. He said he was talking to Pete asking what he was doing this weekend. He said this guy is a great guy too. He said one of the things he does is participate in a band that has bagpipes. He said Pete plays the drum. He said he wears a kilt and all of that. He said that Pete was down in Florida and he played the funeral for a guy who died. Howard said he asked what went on. He said these guys were salt of the earth guys. They were air national guard guys. Howard said Pete told him about what these guys do and how they kind of drop in and go rescue guys who are trapped. He said he's not even sure what you call them. He said when the troops are in harm's way they jump in and help. Robin asked if they lower to the ground. Howard said they do.
Howard said there was a helicopter crash in Iraq and these guys all died. Howard said no one gives a shit. He said their families do but no one knows about it. He said he read about it in Newsday and he said he doesn't know that anyone cares. He said to start off this thing he wants to mention these soldiers.
Howard said one guy was Dashawn J. Briggs. He said he was a father of 2 young kids and he was 30 years old. He said he wanted to be on this rescue team so bad he went and learned to swim just so he could get in. He said he did hundreds of rescues and he was set to marry the mother of his children. He said he died.
Howard said Christopher Tripp Zanetis was another guy. He said this was a closeted gay man who came out to his parents at 15 but stayed in the military until the don't ask don't tell thing was repealed. He said that he rescued Prince Harry's crew and he became friends with him. He said this guy is a lawyer and he was one of the finest and the elite. He asked where this guy's Kennedy Center Honor is.
Howard said Christopher Ragusso also died. Howard read about his life and how he was 39 years old. He said this was going to be his last deployment.
Howard said the pilot was going shopping for a ring for his girlfriend when he got home. He died. Howard said now she won't get benefits. He said that this is what's going on out there. He said that no one mentions guys like this. He said he hopes in some way that this will help remind people that they're out there doing this stuff every day.
Howard said we don't even think about it because we're desensitized to it all. Robin said we don't even think about it because no one is telling that story. Howard said he doesn't have a timetable but once in a while they'll have these guys in there to tell their stories. Howard said his friend Pete said these guys are salt of the earth. He said their whole life is service. He said they're the ones who should be featured. Robin said there should be a big award show. Howard said they should get Giselle Bundchen, not Tom Brady. Howard said these guys are brave.
Howard said the Elite National Guard 106th are brave. He said they're jumping into combat situations. Howard said without these guys he wouldn't be able to sit there doing what he does. He said they were beautiful guys. He said he saw pictures of these guys and it broke his heart. He asked how you can be a human being and not think about these guys.
Howard said he wishes he could be a tenth of the man that these guys are. He said he runs from trouble. Robin has seen it. He said he doesn't have that gene. He said he's a lamb and not a sheep dog. Robin said he thinks he would step up under the right circumstances. Howard said Beth is convinced she will have to step up.
Howard played one of the Larry King clips where Larry says that he occasionally likes wearing cowboy boots. Howard said that was it. He said he just said he likes to wear cowboy boots sometimes. Howard said he likes hearing his thoughts like this.
Howard played the clip again and had more clips of Larry talking about things like the 5 second rule not applying to ice cream and things like that. Howard said he's going to do his Larry impression. Fred found something to play behind him. Howard repeated Larry's line ''It may not mean anything to you but it means something to me.'' Then Howard did his Larry impression saying things like ''Pepper is Peppery.''
Howard played more of Larry's stuff and asked where Clark Kent changes now that all the telephone booths are gone and things like that. Howard said he had a typewriter sound playing in that too. He said he hates to tell him this but no one knows what that sound is. Larry's bit is called ''Hear Me Out.'' Howard had Fred play some typewriter sounds and tried to do the impression of Larry. Larry changed it up and it wasn't working for Howard when Fred played the sound effects.
Howard tried it again and made up stupid shit that Larry might say. JD told him that he's changing up the intro every time.
Howard played another clip of Larry's two cents. He did another impression of him and did his own My Two Cents. Howard said he doesn't like the way Fred is doing this. Fred told him he's doing it the way Larry does it. Howard tried it again and did it with the sound effects the way Fred wanted to do it. Howard would recite a line and then the typewriter sound would start.
Howard said Fred never laughs. Fred said he's not sure where the punch line is. Howard kept going with a couple more thoughts. Fred finally laughed.
Howard played another clip of Larry where he said ''Hunting is not a sport'' and things like that. Howard did a few more of his own after that. He asked why you dot a lower case J and other nonsense like that. He asked why Tarzan doesn't have a beard. Robin said that's a good question. Howard said he's doing too well there.
Howard played more of Larry's ''Hear Me Out'' where he said he can't remember the last time he took a bath. He also asked why it was so hard to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Howard said this stuff is ridiculous. He did more of his own and said quicksand isn't that quick and things like that. He made up a bunch and Fred would play the typewriter sound.
Howard asked why they would have typing noise. Robin said it's for Larry. Howard said they could make it more hip and with the times. Robin said they did play the jazz music. Howard said someone must have suggested the typewriter. Howard made up more of the one liners. He said he's kind of fascinated by this. Robin said she is too. She said she doesn't like him saying them. She liked it better when they were in the paper.
Howard made up more stuff and said that's enough. He said he might choose a day where he's going to be Larry for 4 hours. He said he might just yell out inane things for 4 hours. Howard asked what Robin thinks about that. Robin said people would go insane. Howard said he would listen. He said he could bring Larry in there live and go thought for thought. Howard said he can do that because Larry wants to come in there. He said he can come in with 50 of his thoughts and he'll have 50 of his ''My 3 cents'' thoughts. He said he'll ask Larry if he would do that.
Howard did more of his lines and said a bunch of dopey things. He said he wants to do it with Larry in the room. Robin said yes. Howard said he will do it in character too. He said he's a consummate professional. He said he might not be able to do it while looking Larry in the face. Robin said he could dress up like Larry too. Howard said maybe he can do that. He said he's going to burn out his material if he keeps going. He said he would love to do a show with him where they go head to head. Howard said it can be Larry to Larry. Robin said he used to dress up like Larry on the channel 9 show. Howard said it was good makeup. He said Ralph used to do that. He said he'll have to get him in there to do it.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said for the rest of the show Fred should play the typewriter sound after every sentence. He said that will drive people insane. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard said he wants to mention that Tracy Morgan was there on Monday and he promised to watch his show. He said he DVR'd it. He said he knew he was in trouble because he only got 15 minutes of it because there was a game that ran long. Howard said the show was very funny. He said Cedric the Entertainer was on the show and it was really funny. He said Tracy goes to prison for 15 years and he comes back to Brooklyn and there are yuppies living there. He said he's completely thrown off. He said that his girlfriend is in love with a white man. He said he only saw 15 minutes of the show. He said he has to get the rest of it so he can watch. Robin said they have on demand stuff so he can watch it there. Howard said it's all too complicated for him. Robin said it's very easy. Howard said he hired guys to tape stuff for him.
Robin said they have it all on the service you have in your house. Howard said he knows he sounds like an old fart but he can't handle it. Robin said she can watch all kinds of things. She said she just signed up so she can stream live TV wherever she is. Howard said he's proud of her. Robin said she was trying to figure out how to do that with streaming TV and now she can do it. Howard said she lives like a princess.
Howard asked how a human being can be so brave. He said it's remarkable to him that he's not half the man these guys are. He said that he was meant to sit on his fat ass and make fun of Larry King.
The caller, Eric, said that these guys go out and give up their civilian jobs to be in the reserves. He said when you're in the guard or reserves it's tough. Howard asked how old he is. Eric said he's 53. He said he has a son who is fighting the same war he was fighting 17 years ago. Robin asked why we're still in that war. Howard asked how we get this under control.
Howard asked Eric if he wants to win $500 from the movie ''Blockers.'' said sure. Howard said he's going to play a game with him. Eric said that those guys in the national guard are volunteers so they have to give up their jobs to do that stuff and they stayed in it.
Howard said he has a Gary the Conqueror This Or That game to play. He said he has to get 3 out of 5 to win. He said they asked Gary this question. It was ''Andy Griffith or Family Feud'' and he had to pick his favorite. Howard asked Eric what he thinks Gary will say. Eric said he thinks it will be Family Feud. Howard played Gary's answer which was ''Andy Griffith because it's funny.'' Howard said Gary likes things that are funny. He said that's a hint in this game. Howard said that was just a test question. Next up was the real game.
Howard said they asked Gary if he would like Beetlejuice or High Pitch Erik better. Eric said he's going to say it's Beetlejuice. Howard played Gary's answer and that's what it was. He likes Beetlejuice and not Erik. His answer was somewhat unintelligible.
Howard said they asked Gary the Conqueror if he likes Blacks or Jews. Eric said he's going to say that he likes the blacks. Howard played Gary's answer which was black people. He also said Howard's a Jew.
Howard said they asked Gary if he likes Eric the Actor of Hank the Dwarf better. Eric said he's going with Hank. He said Eric was kind of a nasty guy. He said Hank was too though. Eric said he's going with Hank. Howard played Gary's answer which was ''Hank... because he's funny.''
Howard said Eric won. Robin said he pulled that one out. Howard said he got 3 in a row like it was nothing.
Howard said he put some effort in and it paid off. Howard asked what he's going to do with the money. Eric said he wants to give it to the next veteran that calls in. Howard said he can do that himself. He said he has to give it to him. Eric said he'll give it to something like Wounded Warriors or some charity like that. Howard said that's great. He put Eric on hold. Robin said that was amazing how he did it 3 in a row. Robin said she can't figure Gary out.
Howard said he'll give Robin a couple. He said they asked if he likes hanging out at the park or working at Burgerville. Robin said Working at Burgerville. Gary's answer was working at Burgerville.
Howard asked if Gary likes Jeff the Drunk or Wendy better. Robin said she's going to say he likes Jeff the Drunk. She was right. Gary said he doesn't like Wendy. He said he hates her guts. Howard said something went down with those two.
Howard asked if Gary likes Robin Quivers or Miss Howard Stern better. Robin said he likes Miss Howard Stern. She was right. Gary said he likes Miss Howard Stern better.
Howard said Robin is good at this. She was getting all of these. Howard asked about Sal or Richard. Robin said she's going to say Richard. Gary said he had to think on that one. He said he likes Sal because he's funny as hell. He said Richard ain't nothin' in his book. Howard said he commits. He said his brain almost exploded on that one.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he hopes Brandi will be there soon. He said that he has to thank Jimmy Kimmel for having her on his show. Howard said that's where he saw her. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard came back and said he has Brandi Carlile there. He said he feels like he knows these three people. Phil, Brandi and Tim. Howard said he should have known them. He said he was watching Jimmy Kimmel's show and saw them on there. Howard said he didn't have their microphones on. He said he should know how to do this by now.
Howard said he feels like he knows Brandi. He said he's been watching her YouTube videos. He said that he can pick and choose her songs and he had her doing a Johnny Cash song and then a Radiohead song. He said he sings along with her. Howard said he loves that song ''Creep.'' Brandi said he should come and do it with her.
Howard asked how they choose which songs to do. Brandi said she's always loved that CSN song ''Helplessly Hoping'' and she loves harmonizing. Howard said they sued to do that a lot in songs but it's not a thing anymore. Howard asked if it's hard to do. Brandi said they've been together for a very long time so they can do it. Howard asked how long they've been together. Brandi said near 17 years. She said she was quite young and they're older than her. She said they come from Seattle and 3 part harmony was not cool there.
Howard asked about how that whole session goes when they work out ''Helplessly Hoping.'' Brandi said they saw Stephen Still talking about how he likes their band and they decided to send him a song as a thank you. She said they don't even talk about it. She said Phil is up high and they know that from the start. Phil sang some of the high notes. Howard said that's pretty hard for a guy. Phil said he takes the high parts all the time. He said he can't sing really low. Howard said he's so impressed because he's playing the guitar at the same time. He said it's pretty awesome. Howard asked Tim what he does during the song. Tim said he takes the harmony. He said he does what Stephen Stills does. He said he said he gets the easy part with his low range.
Howard said it's so great that they can all sing and play guitar. Howard said he thinks about Pete Townshend who can't sing. He said he has to get Roger to sing. Brandi said imagine being able to play like Pete for one hour though. Howard said that would be great.
Howard asked Brandi to tell the story about how they did this song for Stephen Stills. Brandi said he came to see them perform and they didn't know he was there. Brandi said he just came to the show and sat there. She said he didn't get in free. Brandi said they sent him the song and he didn't know they were going to do it. She said they didn't know that he was there at the show and then she introduced the song and Stephen stood up and watched them do it. She said he was in a blazer and stood up, folded his arms and looked at her. She said she then knew they had to perform it for him.
Howard said Stephen Stills is a very underrated guy. He said that took some balls on his side to do that. Howard asked if they were nervous doing that song. Brandi said they were. Howard asked how many years ago it was. Brandi said maybe 5 years ago. Howard asked them to take him back to that night and do the song. Howard said this is 5 years ago in some theater and Stephen Stills is there watching them. Howard had them perform the song ''Helplessly Hoping.''
After the song Howard said he thinks of his mother because she says that she and his dad are one person. Howard said that Tim is the only one playing guitar on that song. Howard asked if he got crazy from that playing when he had to play in front of Stephen Stills. Tim said it was tough.
Howard asked if singing in a band is tough. Brandi said it's hard every day. She said it's terrifying but awesome. She said she has her heart in her throat right now. She said the adrenalin spikes are crazy. She said you're risking humiliation every time you open your mouth.
Howard said Brandi grew up in Washington state. Brandi said they moved around a lot but she always lived in a rural area. She said she doesn't have any neighbors even now. She said you have to travel to get to a neighbor.
Howard said that Brandi is a self taught musician. Howard said her mom was a country singer. Brandi said she was and she grew up in bars because of that. She said she spent so much time in bars and places like that. Howard asked if her mom was frustrated that she didn't hit the big time. Brandi said her mom was happy just singing and smiling. She said that it didn't matter if there were 10 or 500 people there. She said it wasn't any different for her. Howard asked when she started going to bars. Brandi said she was 7 when she started to perform live. She said her mom gave her and her brother advice. She said when her mom's dad died at 49 she had a rebirth and she got a PA system and put a band together. She said that's how they got joy.
Howard asked if her mom was competitive. Brandi said she never would have wanted to do this job. Howard asked what it was like going up and singing for the first time at 8. Brandi said she was so confident that she was positive that her 40 year old guitar player was going to mess it up. Howard said no kidding. He asked if she was good and if the crowd went berserk for her. Brandi said she got applause and it was like crack after that.
Howard asked if she was super popular at school. Brandi said she would give everyone her autograph and sing all the time but she was too poor to be popular. She said she had bad clothes and smelled bad too. Howard said she would be popular. Howard said that's so sad she smelled bad. He said maybe her mom should have washed her clothes instead of going to the bar. Brandi said her parents both smoked. She said she doesn't smoke because of that.
Howard said the guitar looks like it's been through a lot. Howard asked if she's had it a long time. Brandi said it's her therapist. She said she's pretty hard on it. Howard said she could get a new one. Brandi said it's a pretty expensive guitar. She said she plays a Collins. She said they're made in Austin.
Howard asked how she met these twins. Brandi said they were in a band called the Fighting Machinists. Howard said that's a horrible name for a band. Brandi said her dad hated it. She said they were a rock and roll band and they had a record deal. She said they were singing punk rock. Howard said they had a record deal huh? They said they were at the end of their career. Phil said that they were like 20 or 22 and they were trying to get laid and trying to be cool. Howard asked how many people they've met along the way who just don't make it happen. Brandi said that's the saddest story. Howard said there are so many people who have had record deals and it just doesn't happen.
Howard asked if that was the hardest part of their life. Howard said that they must like each other. The brothers said they do. Brandi said that they're married to her siblings and shit so they live on the same compound. She said they all live near each other. Howard said it's like a Manson cult. Brandi said they ride ATVs to each other's house. She said they have 6 kids between them. Tim said Phil is married to her sister and he married outside the circle. Howard asked what happens if Phil fucks around on her sister. Brandi said she's had nightmares about her killing him if he did. She said that in her dreams she would murder him if he fucked his sister over. Phil said that it's more likely that she'll fuck him over. Howard said they had a baby on the same exact day too. Brandi said it was her and him.
Howard said he's not sure why they weren't on his radar. Brandi said she has loved Howard for like 20 years. She said that her parents didn't like that but she has loved him all along. She said he seems so liberated. She said that she was coming out of the closet and Howard was kind of gender bending and she loved that. Howard said she came out of the closet at 15. Howard said that has to be tough in a small town. He said that she says it wasn't so bad. Brandi said it just wasn't bad. She said she had some hard religious experiences though. She said she was active in the church and she had a pastor who refused to baptize her. She said that was really traumatic. Howard said religion is one place you'd think would be tolerant. Brandi said she's forgiven him. She said in his 11th hour she came around. She said that it gave her huge tools for helping other gay kids.
Howard asked if she knew any gay people when she came out. Brandi said she didn't know any at all. She said she had never had a crush on a girl or anything. She said she watched Ellen come out at the time and she had a boyfriend at the time who is now the father of her girls. She said she taped the coming out episode of Ellen and she kept it but marked the tape as David's baseball game.
Howard asked how her parents dealt with it. Brandi said she really didn't tell them outright. She said they talked about it over the years incrementally. She said that she just got her hair cut really short and things like that.
Howard said she's a gold star lesbian. He said she's never been with a guy. Brandi said that they crush harder on guys than other lesbians.
Howard asked if being gay helped or hindered her career. Brandi said at first it was really awkward. She said she went to L.A. and got a red t-shirt to go to a showcase. She said that no one was really into what she was doing in that sense.
Howard said he was watching their videos and there's one that they did about her daughter Evangeline and the video was so great. The song is ''The Mother.'' He said she was singing to her daughter and he wonders if that was one take. Brandi said it was. She said that it's hard to get a 3 year old to sit still. Howard said the dog gets up and leaves and that was funny. He said watching a kid's reaction to her singing is so great. He said the kid hugs her at the end and he was moved to tears by that. Howard said it's raw and real. He said it's awesome. He said the song is on their new album.
Howard asked Brandi about going out and busking which is going out on the street and playing. Brandi said she would close her eyes and when she'd finish singing there would be people standing there. She said she had to figure out how she got people to stop. Howard said that it has to be great to get attention like that. Howard asked how long they'd be on the street. Brandi said they make you move if you're there too long. She said that you have to move around to other spots and circulate.
Howard asked how long she did that. Brandi said she did it for a few years. She said she would go to restaurants and ask to sing there for free. She said she was playing all over Seattle. She said she was doing any songs that would make people listen. She said that they would do it 4 times a night. Howard said that's really interesting and it's a good education on how things work. He said you can't just walk into something and make it big. He said you have to work hard.
Howard asked about meeting Tim and Phil and how that all worked. Brandi said she sold her guitars for two microphones and they came to sing with her. She said that if they quit everything they were doing and started band she would get them a record deal and make them big. She said she was full of energy. Howard said they bought into it. One of the brothers said he would see her singing and asking for a meal to be thrown in as payment for performing.
Howard asked what the best part of the fame is. Brandi said that it's getting to meet your heroes. She said that they get that kind of love from their fans and they get to sing their asses off too.
Howard asked who their biggest supporter is. Brandi said Elton John is. She said that he's so great she can't even talk about it. Howard said Elton seems like a really good dude. Howard asked when he became a fan. Brandi said it was their second album and he just called her. She said that she loved him as a child and she had his pictures up on her wall growing up. Howard asked if they cover his songs. Brandi said they cover a lot of his songs. She said she just adores him.
Howard asked what Elton said. She said that she got a letter and she got a bottle of wine that was amazing. She said she drank it on her wedding day. Howard said that bottle of wine was from her birth year. Brandi said he's amazing with his knowledge.
Howard asked Brandi what she did to get a record deal. Brandi said they sent out demos and they were invited to play some showcases in L.A. She said Rick Rubin was there. She said that they were passed on by a lot of companies and then Rick wanted to sign them and then everyone wanted them. Howard said Rick heard them and said it was some good stuff. Howard asked if they asked them to start recording right away. Brandi said they were told not to record. She said they were hustlers so they had to find something to sell at their gigs. Brandi said Rick liked 20 of their songs and they went out and recorded those 20. She said Columbia picked them up after the Rick thing fell through. She said that turned out to be their first album.
Howard said he likes when she brings out Mike McCready from Pearl Jam and did ''Wild Horses'' with him. Howard said that was a great one. Howard asked if they rehearsed that for a few days. She said Mike lives on their property sometimes. Howard asked how he can live on this property. Brandi said he has some property there and Mike will come and play with them. Howard asked if they go to his house on an ATV too. Brandi said most of the time you'll see them with a machete and an ATV. Howard said he has to get in on that scene. Brandi said he would love it. Howard said imagine him on an ATV with a machete. Robin laughed. Howard said he'd be bitch on the back of her ATV. Howard said it sounds like they have a lot of fun out there.
Howard asked how many acres they have out there. Brandi said it's a total of about 70. Phil said he has 38-40. Brandi said she grows tomatoes out there and she's really into that. Howard asked if they can swim nude. Brandi said she does all the time. Phil said they walk around nude. Brandi said if he's ever in Seattle... Howard said he'll never be there.
Howard said he saw them on Kimmel and he didn't know about them. Howard said they performed the song ''The Joke'' and he wondered what it is. Brandi said it's a song of encouragement. She said it's a reminder that love has already conquered the world and that's the way. Howard asked who wrote it. Brandi said she wrote the lyrics and the guys wrote the music.
Howard asked Brandi why she doesn't eat for 5 hours before singing. Brandi said she sings very loud and she needs that room in her body to take air into her lungs. Howard asked if she drinks a lot. she said she drinks Jameson before the show. She said that she sometimes regrets some of the things she says during the show.
Howard asked if this song ''The Joke'' is President Obama's favorite. Brandi said that they were friends with his photographer and he had the President's ear a lot. She said he was pushing them on him all the time and she thinks that Obama had an affection for Pete. She said they got to play at the White House a bunch of times. Robin asked if they drank before that gig. Brandi said she did. She said she thinks that he was drinking there too. She said he was dad dancing. Howard said he tries to avoid that kind of dancing.
Howard said the new album is ''By The Way, I Forgive You'' and you can get tour dates at BrandiCarlile.com. Howard said they're going to perform the song ''The Joke'' now. Howard said she's drinking water but he has some booze if she wants. Someone brought in some Jameson. Howard had them do the song after that.
After the song Howard said that he wants some of that Jameson. He said he could open up if he just had a little of it. He said that was a gold star performance. Brandi said that's what a gold star lesbian performs like.
Howard said she really opens up singing in that song. He asked if she was thinking about some kid who didn't get into college when she wrote it. Brandi said she was at a party and this kid was so smart and cute. She said he was about 13 and he got picked on a lot. She said his shirt was stretched from him pulling on it and she remembered that feeling and she wanted him to not lose his joy. Howard asked if she was thinking about singing that song to the kid. Howard said he thinks that's the kind of son he would have wanted to have. He said he could relate to the kid. He said that's what's in his mind. He asked if she thought about writing a love song to the kid. Brandi said she wanted to call him and tell him that he'll be rich and have a sports car some day. She said that her letter is a song. Howard said he gets it now. He said the joke's on them.
Howard asked if it's exciting to see other performers do their songs. Howard said they've had some of their songs performed by some big people like Pearl Jam, Dolly Parton and others. Brandi said you almost can't believe it. She said it's so flattering. She said it doesn't matter who does it it's always great. She said that's the thing she's most proud of other than her daughters.
Howard asked if she told that kid that the song was about him. Brandi said she never did but she keeps him around.
Howard asked Brandi about covering a Led Zeppelin song. Brandi said that when you get up really high you are on the verge of total humiliation. She said that when she covers Robert Plant sometimes that happens.
Howard played some of Brandi covering some Zeppelin ''Going to California.'' Howard said that's so great.
Howard said he didn't know that she was lesbian until he stared watching more of her. He said that he was picturing her in bed with him. Brandi said that her wife actually looks like Howard. Howard said she looks like Rhea Perlman too huh?
Howard asked if her wife is gold star. Brandi said she's not and that kind of bothers her. She said that she's also kind of dom and she'll tell them that a song is kind of cheesy and stuff. Howard said it's fascinating what's going on with them out there. He said that it sounds like a mad house. He said they're living life to the fullest. Howard said they make beautiful music together. Howard said he's going to continue watching their videos. He said their new album is out now wherever albums are sold. Howard said god knows where that is.
Howard said they're playing the Beacon. He said he should go. Brandi said she would be so nervous. She said she'd have to drink more Jameson. Howard said this has been amazing. He said they got close and he got to know them. Brandi said this is the best interview they've ever done. Howard thanked her and the twins. Howard said he has to thank Jimmy Kimmel for turning him on to her. Howard gave them some plugs, wrapped up and went to break.
Howard came back and asked what Fred has going on there. Fred added some quacks to the Black Sabbath song. Howard asked when he knows to put them in. Fred threw them in at just the right time. He had Benjy screams in there too.
Howard said Jack Black sang the National Anthem at a game and that guy can sing. He said this is from 2011 though. He said he thought it was something newer. JD said it is a few years old and people were showing that one celebrity can do it after the Fergie thing. Howard said he's got love for Fergie. Robin said they all do but she shouldn't sing the National Anthem. Howard said Robin was bragging about her singing to Brandi.
Howard said this is Jack Black singing. He played the clip for Robin. Howard said he loved that and he wonders where he is now. He said he's on the DL or something. He said he really likes that guy. Robin said he's been taking a break. She said she thinks he's working on something. Howard said he was just in Jumanji but he didn't see that. He said less and less things are on his radar. Robin said his radar is very narrow now.
Howard said he was up reading his Dr. John Sarno book. He said he was reading his third book. He said he loves that man so much. He said he felt so connected to him. He said he felt like he had a piece of him with him when he was reading the book. He said he tries to get everyone to read that book. He said he was laying in bed thinking about how he has him there. He said he died last year so that's all he has. He said he loves that guy so much.
Howard said he loves reading on the kindle. Robin said she has tried that and she can't get into it.
Howard took a call from a guy, Charlie, who was mumbling something that he didn't understand. Howard said if he can watch television and look for clips he wants him to replace JD. Howard asked what his impediment is. The caller was mumbling more and not making sense. Howard said he's in the Wack Pack. He said he's going to make him a star. Robin asked how old he is. He said he's 42 or 43. Howard asked what the speech impediment is. The guy said he had a stroke or something from medical malpractice. Howard said he's down with this guy. He said he can understand it all. Howard asked if he's full sized or a little person. The guy said he's 5'6''. Howard said he likes little people on the show. The guy said he's paralyzed from the neck down. Howard said he's understanding everything he says now. He said he's on a respirator. Howard said suddenly Charlie stopped being funny. Charlie said that he can't get a boner. Robin said not when it's from the neck down.
Howard asked Charlie about what happened to him. Charlie said in 2001 he had an accident and he was paralyzed. Howard said he thought he said he was at a party with Charlize Theron so he went with that. Howard said that woman is an animal.
Charlie said he went to this party and... Howard cut him off and said he has a job for him working in customer service. Howard asked when he lost his abilities. Charlie said he was 26. Howard said he wants him to know something. He had Robin say something to him. Robin said they're glad he's out there listening and they hope they make him laugh. Howard said one good thing is that he doesn't have to go to Cleveland like he does. Charlie said he'd love to go there. Howard wanted to let him go but Charlie was still talking. Howard said he just said ''Chocolate bung hole'' and he agrees with him. He said keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.
Howard asked if pegging is gay. Charlie said yes. Howard said he knows he's suffering and he has a hard life. Robin asked if he dials his own phone. Charlie mumbled something. Howard asked if life is worth living. Charlie said no because he doesn't have a life. Howard said hang in there. He said he hopes he makes him laugh once in a while. Charlie said something about chocolate bung hole again. Robin said he actually said he wonders how Ronnie shaves his bung hole. Howard said they're trying to talk Ronnie into doing a video about how he does that.
Howard said his heart goes out to Charlie. He said he has to get to the news though. He let Charlie go. Charlie said he'll call in next week.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing his brother and trying to be funny. Howard let them go pretty quick. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said a lot of people hated Kathy Griffin on the show. He said a lot of people were attacking him too. He said they call him a liberal and people attack him over that. Howard said he had Roseanne on the show and Geraldo on the show. He said as soon as he has someone on ''you'' disagree with then they get upset. He said he found that rather interesting. He said he found Kathy's story very interesting and he wand to hear her side of things. He said please don't comment on the show.
Howard said that he got some mail about the Bruce Springsteen song ''Brilliant Disguise'' and he was told to watch the video. He said he's seen it a hundred times. He said it's very good.
Howard said he got a lot of email about Ronnie and his anal toy. He read a few of those. He had some mail about Fred doing a great job with the sound effects during the Imus segment yesterday.
Howard said that Sour Shoes got some great feedback about the stuff he did on the show yesterday. He said someone wrote in about how no one cares about Imus.
Howard said they got mail about Marfan Mike and Wendy the Slow Adult too. Howard said he got email about the doody talk with Wendy. He said that he has doody on his mind all the time. He said he can't stop thinking about it.
Howard said he got some nasty email about Dr. Drew too. He said someone said he's not a sex therapist and name one person who has stayed clean after being treated by him.
Howard said someone wrote in about how he's a late comer to the Bruce Springsteen thing. Howard said he hates people who say they're better because they found him first. Howard said he just told Brandi Carlile to go see Bruce's show on Broadway. Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing clips of Howard talking about how he's not that into Bruce. They had Howard telling himself to suck his dick and things like that.
Howard said he can't believe old Howard used to say ''Byeee.'' He said that was one ignorant dumb ass. He said he just told him off. Howard said he was just arguing with old Howard the other day off the air.
Robin read about Mark Knopfler not showing up to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame show. Robin said that Dire Straits is still going to perform though. Robin said the three performing will take over the singing duties. Howard said if Mark is out then he's out. He asked if he's the only asshole who is showing up. Gary said that he heard they were going to fly Mark out and the Hall of Fame refused to fly his brother in so now the brother isn't flying in. Howard said he must have enough money to sit at home. Gary said he was reading about how the brothers haven't spoken to each other in a really long time. Howard played some of their song ''Sultans of Swing'' and talked it up like he was at WNBC. Howard said it would be amazing if he showed up and no one else did.
Robin read a story about Nancy Reagan and how President Reagan used to turn off his hearing aide so he didn't have to hear her. Howard said he thinks his dad does that with his mom. Robin said that doesn't show that they were in love. Howard said maybe they were only having an argument. Howard said that guy was weird calling her ''mommy.'' He said Pence does that too. He said if he did that with Beth he'd watch her punch him.
Robin read about Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan's break up and said that she couldn't find anything about what she mentioned yesterday about them having other women in the relationship. Howard said he was reading in Page Six that she was jealous of his career. Robin said she read that she tried to give him the freedom he needed but he was spending weeks with his bros instead of with her. Howard said that's not cool. He said women aren't going to put up with that. Robin said she was reading about how they fell in love on the set. Howard said that's a bad sign. Robin said it lasted 9 years which isn't so bad.
Robin read about how Perez Hilton is keeping his son from taking dance lessons because he doesn't want him to be gay. Howard said she has to be kidding. Robin said he said this on the podcast he does. Howard said they'll say anything on that podcast to get listeners. Howard said if you don't want your son to be gay then don't let him finger Benjy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that interview with Brandi was awesome. He said he thinks ''Thank You'' by Led Zeppelin is the best love song of all time but Brandi did a song called ''Heaven'' that's a great love song. Howard said Buzzy Linhart did one called Heaven. He sang it and asked if that's the same song. The caller said that's not it. Howard said he has to find that. Fred tried to find it. He wasn't able to find ''Heaven.'' Howard played Brandi's cover of ''Creep'' instead. Howard said he's going to try to go to her concert. Howard said ''Creep'' is such a great song. He said she picks the songs he would pick. Fred threw in some duck quacks like Imus would do.
Fred found ''Heaven'' and played that for Howard. Howard said this is a cover of a Bryan Adams song. Howard said she's great. He said they enjoyed having her there today. Robin said if she could sing like that once she would probably die. Howard said then he'd be stuck with Fred alone. Fred played Robin singing Miley Cyrus' ''The Climb.'' Howard said he heard Robin was in the studio singing yesterday. Robin said she was and it's just as bad as he thinks. She said nothing has gotten better.
Howard played more of Brandi Carlile performing another song. Robin said Memet was trying to teach her how to sing a song yesterday and he had it all wrong. Howard said you can't tell Robin how to sing a song. He said he loves her interpretation. He said Memet thinks he's Rick Rubin. Fred played Robin singing ''Diamonds.'' Robin said she told Memet that wasn't what she was trying to do. Fred had her singing ''Despacito'' too. Robin said Memet was trying to help with phrasing and he got it wrong. Fred played Robin singing ''Chandelier'' next.
Howard said he should go see Brandi but he never leaves his house. He said that Memet is like Memet Iovine. He said that he would never tell Robin what to do. Robin said she and Derek have a good working relationship. She said she's not sure why Memet was in there. She said there were too many people in there. She said leave her and Derek alone.
Howard asked Memet why he was in that session upsetting the balance. Memet came in and said he helped write the song she was doing. He said he usually keeps his mouth shut and he learned why yesterday. He said she gave him a look that gave him chills. Howard said he likes he was trying to make it better. He said just let her do her thing. Memet said he'll stay out of her way from now on.
Robin read a story about something called nightmare bacteria. Howard said he was watching MSNBC this morning and he just turned off the TV. He said that he doesn't want to hear about this stuff. Robin said that this bacteria has the power to resist most antibiotics. Robin said it could be stopped from spreading with some new policies. Robin read the details of this bacteria.
Howard ended up talking about Ronnie and his dildo and how much care he was taking with that thing he brought in. He said that it was in his asshole. Gary said he touched it and he didn't think about it at the time. He said that's the worst thing that's happened to him since he got squirt in his eye. Howard said Ronnie had that thing in a plastic bag. He was bringing it home. He said he keeps it in mint condition. Robin said he takes care of it like people take care of their cars.
Howard said he asked Ronnie if he will try that thing again and get it in up to that third knot. He said he's excited about trying it again. Howard said he's not sure a guy at that age should be doing that. He said he's an anal queen. Fred played a bunch of creepy Ronnie clips where he was talking about the dildos. Howard played a ''Unsolved Mysteries'' bit about Ronnie before getting back to the news.
Robin said Sumner Redstone is still running his company. Howard said he came over to him in a restaurant one day and wished him luck with his new job. He didn't know his own company was suing him. Robin said that they say that he talks through a pre-loaded iPad with audio clips of his own voice saying yes, no and fuck you. Howard laughed. He said he knows some people who have been in those meetings and have seen that. Howard said Sumner is 94 and in bad shape. Robin said they're not sure they can get the merger done because of this. Fred had some Ronnie the Robot clips he was playing for Howard so he could have a conversation with Sumner.
Robin read a story about Verne Troyer being hospitalized for alcohol poisoning. Robin said he's being held for 72 hours so he can be evaluated. Howard said he was on a reality show for a while and he was drinking during that he thinks. Robin said she's sure he's spent some time drinking and not drinking and drinking again. Robin said he was extremely drunk and suicidal when they were called to his house. Robin said they know what alcohol did to Hank. Howard said Verne was on their show in 2005. He said when he was kind of messed up he would make that ''Er-uh'' sound. Howard said he felt bad for the dude. Gary said when he was on the reality show he was so drunk he pissed in a closet.
Robin read a story about Blac Chyna. Howard said that's a country that has black Chinese people. Robin said this is a person. Robin said she was with one of those Kardashians. Robin said that's why she knows her. She said that Blac is in the news all the time. Robin said she got an endorsement deal from a stroller company. Robin said the stroller company hired her as a spokesperson but this weekend she was caught on video swinging a stroller at someone at Six Flags. Howard said it's a stroller and a karate tool. He said he's like that guy on the Walking Dead with the stick. Robin said the stroller company is ending their relationship with Blac Chyna because of that.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he loves Tracy Morgan. He said his show didn't hold up tough. Howard said he was giggling like a mother fucker watching it. King said the first 15 minutes were hilarious but then if you watch the whole show you get burnt out. Howard said he's going to watch it. He said it was really funny. Robin said she's going to try it. Howard thanked King but King kept talking. King said he had the same thing Chris Rock has. He said when you see them on screen too long something happens. He said when they're in a movie or TV show... Fred played him off with loud music. Howard said he thought the show was a scream. He said he's not just saying that.
Robin read a story about Cynthia Nixon and how she's decided to give a TV interview with the Wendy Williams show. Robin said she didn't know Wendy got political. Howard said we have a pretty damn good governor now. He said he's not sure about this. He said he sticks with what he's got if it's good. He said that she is a committed woman though.
Robin read a story about a shooting at YouTube headquarters. Robin said 3 people were injured and the shooter apparently committed suicide. Robin said the woman was upset with their policies and she decided to shoot up the company over what they were doing with her videos. Robin said she disappeared and then her family reported her missing. Howard said they were pretty stable working in their jobs but YouTube is working with every nut job out there. He said he'd hate it if they started censoring. Robin said this time it was a woman behind the gun. She said they don't usually see a woman behind mass shootings.
Robin read a story about how the Chinese are going to put tariffs on our products going over seas. Robin said that we're in a trade war now. Robin said Trump said we have gotten the bad end of those deals. Robin said a lot of people are getting disgruntled about it.
Robin read a story about Robert Mueller not making Trump a target in his criminal investigation. Robin said that he is still a subject in the investigation. Howard said you don't want to be investigated by Mueller. Howard said he reads these headlines about him telling Trump he should get the fuck out of office but he said his advice was just to get out because he had a good life. Howard said he has all of these girls and Mar-A-Lago. He said the headlines were just wrong. He said it was fake news.
Robin read a story about the President asking a judge for private arbitration in the Stormy Daniels case. Robin said that they have asked for that to be solved by private arbitration. Robin said Stormy is now being listed as a porn star and director. Howard said imagine directing a porn movie. Howard said Donald must be so upset he slept with her.
Robin said Seth Rogen was on Ellen the other day talking about how he knew about this Stormy Daniels story 10 years ago. Howard said he thought that was interesting but Bubba had interviewed her on the air a long time ago too. Howard played a clip of Seth talking about Stormy talking about that 10 years ago and it was the least surprising thing she could have said. Howard asked who Stormy didn't tell. Howard had fake Sarah Huckabee Sanders on the phone to answer some questions about that. She said he did fuck Stormy and no one cares. She said that his penis is so big that it will eat peanuts out of your hand. Howard asked why he's being so silent on Stormy. Sarah said he can't answer questions about it because of bone spurs. He said that's why he wasn't able to win the war for the Americans. Sarah asked what you're supposed to do with porn stars, not fuck them? Howard spent a little more time questioning Sanders about Trump's problems.
Robin read a story about Trump going after Amazon again saying that they're hurting the postal service. Robin said he's blaming them for the postal service losing money. Howard said they're not the reason. He said he loves Amazon so much. Robin said that Jeff Bezos is saying that it's Trump going after the Washington Post which he owns.
Robin read a story about how NASA wants to make a 940 mile per hour X plane that would travel back and forth from coast to coast. Howard said that would get to L.A. in about 3 hours then. Robin said the plane will start testing in 2021. Robin said that the supersonic plane would have to have a gentle sonic boom. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.