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Howard started the show talking about why he's seeing Robin so clearly. He asked the guys to raise his monitors up. Robin said he as gone last week and now he's back. Howard said he can slump in his chair. He said he's very on edge. Robin asked if he was slouching. Howard said he was. He said he has a whole set up that's off. He said he's hearing that noise again. Robin said she hears it too. Howard asked the guys if they can remedy that quickly so he's not all fucked up. Robin asked if it's her microphone again. Howard said he's going to ignore it.
Howard said he listened to what happened to last week and he doesn't want to do it again. He said the audience can't hear it but they can. He finished his coffee. Robin asked if he hasn't finished it. Howard said no. He asked if something can just go smoothly. He said he has to raise up his chair. He said he can't get things right in there.
Howard said nothing runs smoothly. He said his computer is giving him problems. He said he has 2 guys working on that. He said his heat wasn't working and then his apartment was stinking so he had to open windows. Robin said she had trouble yesterday too. She said maybe it's the phase of the moon. Howard said what he's going to do is take a quick break and get the problems settled instead of stewing in this. He said he watched the Oscars last night. He said he was up at 2 in the morning watching it. He said Jimmy Kimmel was fast and smooth as the host. He said at the end he did a ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' He had the clip. He said he thought that was great. He played the clip for Robin.
Howard said Natalie Maines sent him a message about that. He said she loved it. Robin asked if Jon Hein is liking that yet. Howard said he can't tell because he has that same look on his face every day.
Howard said Meryl Streep must have a big head because every actor kisses her ass when they're up there. Robin said Jimmy was calling her the best actress or actor ever. Howard said he thinks she is that good. Howard said that's just his feeling. Robin said feelings aren't facts though. She said other actors are great too. Howard said he just wanted to watch Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet. He said the whole thing was fascinating. He said he's had a delay on him the whole time he's been on radio. He said Ryan had one for the first time on his red carpet show. Robin said it's not about what he might say. Howard said it was for what others might say. He said this guy has made his career out of saying nothing controversial. Howard said he thinks they made a mistake by having him on the red carpet. He said the whole thing is comical. He said they say give him a chance because E! did an investigation of the matter. Howard asked if they're a police department now. He said he'd like to know who investigated. He said it might have been the Fashion Police who investigated.
Howard said he was talking to someone about Ryan and they told him he was cleared by the E! police. Howard said the lead detective was Khloe Kardashian. Robin said he's so powerful for E! because he produces those Kardashian shows. Howard said it was crazy. He said the Juliana Rancic woman wasn't on the red carpet. He said she should have been out there. Robin said they say before the telecast they were saying that they were going to have the people who didn't go to Ryan go to Juliana. Howard said that didn't happen. He said Ryan put on a smile when he did get someone that was like the Joker. He said that he was thrilled to get Christopher Plummer. Howard said Kelly Ripa showed up and said he's fantastic. Howard said he has the E! police on his side. He said he thinks they need a more unbiased department on your side. He said he was fascinated to see who talked to Ryan. He said only 6 showed up. He said 3 of them he had never heard of.
Robin said they said that Ryan grabbed Christopher Plummer and dragged him over. He said if they don't have people coming over to Ryan then have Juliana there to get the interviews. He said he got a little bit of pleasure out of this because E! didn't treat him very well toward the end. He said they ended up firing them and threw them out on their ass.
Howard said he thought they should have had the Bravo network do the investigation. He said at least that's a competing network.
Howard said Ryan had a huge smile on his face. He said if he's innocent then he feels bad for him but if he's guilty then fuck him. He said he loves that E! did the investigation. He said that would be like Trump doing the Russia investigation. He wondered if there's an E! jail. He said that he found it odd that he had to wear oven mitts so he didn't touch any women.
Howard said he was watching to see what might happen there. He said then he went to sleep. He said he got up at 2 and then watched the rest by fast forwarding. Howard said he got up to pee and just stayed up. He said he fast forwarded through all of the boring shit. He said they do the technical awards they could skip. Robin said they have a show they do off the air that has a lot of those.
Howard said Ryan plugged his own suit line. He played a clip of Ryan doing that. He said he sounds like he's off his game. He said they've got him on the ropes. In the clip Ryan was talking to Juliana. Howard said they had her at a hotel. He said they can't put him there because of what's going on. Howard played more of the clip and Ryan was plugging the suit he was wearing and it was one of his own brand. Howard said it's the Ryan Seacrest collection. Robin asked if anyone else was wearing one. Howard said he's not sure if anyone else was.
Howard played more of the clip and Juliana was talking about how handsome he looked. Robin asked if she's still a fashion critic because that can kind of ruin your reputation. Howard did an impression of her plugging his stuff and talking about the perfect gentleman he's been. Robin said that the portion she watched they had an American Idol commercial and he was the lead spokesperson. Howard said Harvey Weinstein was wearing a Ryan Seacrest suit.
Howard had Ryan talking about all of the things he was accused of and how E! found he was innocent.
Howard said that would be like him getting in trouble and Sirius does the investigation. He said they're not going to find anything. He said this was the first time he wanted to see the red carpet interviews. He said they say that he got 21 interviews. He said he didn't think it was that many.
Howard said a stern show reference was made on another award show. He said that John Mullaney made a reference. He asked Gary if he's on the Wrap Up Show. Gary said no. Howard said he thought he said he was. Gary said he just said he's a big fan. Howard said the Independent awards are hosted by John. He said he made a Sour Shoes reference. Howard said he was trying to say ''Saoirse Ronan'' and said ''Sour Shoes Ronan.''
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel did a great job as host. Robin said he's so comfortable doing it. Howard said he is. He said he could play some of his monologue. Robin said she liked his joke where he said ''Hope is everywhere except the White House because she resigned.''
Howard said that Full Sail University got a mention. That's where JD went to school. Howard played a clip of that mention.
Howard said that Frances McDormand won an award. He played her acceptance speech with a woman cursing and talking about her shaved pussy and things like that. It was from an AVN Awards speech. Howard said that was Asa Akira at the AVN awards.
Howard played the real Frances McDormand speech. He only played a few seconds of that. Howard said she got all excited and had the women standing up.
Howard said that Wonder Woman is hot. Robin said she had the envelope and when they came back from showing the movies she had a low cut top on. Howard said that's Gal Gadot. Robin said they zoomed in on her cleavage and then moved up. Robin said she wasn't even in the shot. Robin said they did that as she was reading the winner.
Howard said the one woman from Get Out was showing a lot of tittie but most women weren't. He said that's because of that #MeToo movement. Howard said Harvey Weinstein was directing the part where they showed Gal Gadot's cleavage.
Howard said Jane Fonda looked hot. Robin said she looked great. Howard said that Gal Gadot is good. He said he liked Justice League a lot too. He said he didn't think it was as good as The Avengers but it was good. Robin said you can wait for it to come to cable. Howard said he bought it on iTunes for 19 bucks. He said they know they get people like him to buy stuff like that.
Howard said Gal Gadot is hot but he has a clip of people pronouncing her name. They were all different pronunciations. Howard asked what her story is and who she's dating. Gary told Howard Gal married and has two kids. Howard was surprised and said she's had kids and she has that body.
Howard said she's married to a real estate developer. He said she's Israeli so she might have a big bush. He said a lot of Israelis do have a big bush.
Howard said they had Ralph and King of All Blacks watch the Oscars. He said they're going to give a report this morning. Jason said they wanted to go over a few things before they get them on the phone. Howard said okay.
Howard said that Eddie Vedder was there doing a cover of a Tom petty song during the In Memorium. He said they did it too fast. He said they zipped right through it. He said that he knew John Abelson and he was first and they went right past him. He said he had to rewind to see it. He said they fucked that whole thing up. He said it was a mess. He said he's not sure if anyone even cares about the Oscars. He said The Walking Dead was on last night so he's not sure they'll get ratings. Howard asked if any of the guys have anything about the music. JD said there's one clip of a guy singing pretty bad. Howard said he thinks he's had enough of the Oscars.
Howard said no one has seen all of the movies except for him and Robin and a few others. Robin said she liked that The Shape of Water won. She said that Jimmy pointed out that only 2 of the movies made more than $100 million. She said she's not sure which two they were.
Howard said he really misses Joan. He said that doctors got a hold of her and really fucked her up.
Howard said Beth had to talk him down after the interview. He said that he wanted to buy it from Letterman's production company. Mariann said it was incredible. Howard hung up on her before she finished the sentence.
Howard took a call from a guy, John, who was also at the taping. John said he was so great. He said he was in the front row. Howard said he's not sure when it's even going to air. John said they talked for an hour and a half. Howard said he's not sure but they're going to edit it. John's wife was also on the line but Howard didn't put up with that for long.
Howard said Kevin Spacey is on the phone. He picked up on fake Kevin who said he's going back into the closet to see if that fixes everything. Howard spent a short time talking to fake Kevin about trying to be a star again.
Howard said they still have Ralph and King of All Blacks to get to. He said they watched the Red Carpet and they will give a report. Howard said will talk about the Letterman taping too. He said the guys from Radical Entertainment were very nice. He said they're not the Radical Brothers like Letterman calls them though. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said King of All Blacks and Ralph were put together to watch the Academy Awards. Howard asked if Robin cares. Robin said they might as well see if anything came of it. Howard got King and Ralph on the phone and asked what the idea was there. Ralph said they did it with King last year and they did it again this year. Ralph said King was yelling at him and he didn't know where E! was. He said he had to call back. King said he Googled it. King said that Ralph list Howard. He said he's so pompous. Howard asked why they didn't just call in separately. Ralph said he went to the station to Scott's room to watch. Howard asked where the tape is of what happened. He said they told him the sound was on in the back so they don't have tape of it.
King said he learned a lot about Ralph. He said he learned that he has nothing nice to say about any black person including Robin. Ralph said he's so silly and stupid. Howard asked King what led him that. King said he saw two black women there and they were holding hands and he was asking about having some kind of stomachs that all black women have. Ralph said that he's getting it completely wrong. He said he's not sure who he's even talking about. Howard said he saw the women he's talking about but they may not have been lesbian. King said they have short hair cuts and you know what that means. Howard said it sounds like King is racist.
Ralph said that all of the black women weren't dressed well. Howard said all of the women weren't dressed well.
Howard said King said he's racist because he wasn't into Black Panther. Howard said is excited about it though. King said Howard never looks at any black people in the studio. He said he won't look at them until 12. Howard said he's doing radio so he doesn't want to look at anyone.
Howard said he's not sure why Letterman likes to do interviews in front of people. Ralph said that interview was so good though. He said he and Gary were talking about it. King was talking about it like he was there but he wasn't. Howard said he just likes to talk.
Ralph said he was talking to King about how he went to Robin's house and how crazy that is. King said it's not crazy. Howard said he went to Robin's residence and he thinks it's okay because he was in a nice car. King said he knows Robin. Howard said he listens to her on the radio. He doesn't know her. King said he does know her. Howard said this is how mother fucking crazy King is. He said he listens to the radio and thinks he knows her. King said that he couldn't get Ralph to say anything nice about him. Ralph said that he was asking him to do that and he's not sure why that is.
Ralph said that King is just annoyed as fuck. He said he was yelling about things that had nothing to do with what they were watching. King said they came to the conclusion that white women need to moisturize more because they age quickly. He said he and Ralph agreed on that. Ralph said he didn't agree with him on that. He said he thought Jane Fonda looked great. Howard said she's 80. He said she looked good. King said he understands she looks very well for an 80 year old. He said she's not hot. Howard said for an 80 year old she is. King said Ralph was talking like he would have sex with her. Ralph said he just thought she looked great.
Howard said he's not sure why this tape wasn't done correctly. Ralph said Allison Janney looked great too. He said Jennifer Lawrence looked great too. Howard said she's some knock out. He said they had her in the studio.
King said he likes a more full woman. Howard asked King who he likes. King said she's not too thin but he'd like another 10 pounds or so. Howard said no way. Howard asked who has a great body. King said Ashley something. He said she's a plus size model. He said he likes a bigger boned woman.
Howard asked Ralph what else they learned. He said this seems like a gigantic waste of time. Howard said Juliana Rancic was there. King said she's too thin and has a big head. Ralph agreed with him on that. He said she's orange too.
Howard asked King and Ralph about some other women there at the red carpet. King was talking about what he thought of some of the women and Ralph said that's what he was like last night too. Howard said Guillermo del Toro won so Ralph must have liked that. Ralph said he was kind of popping out of his suit. King said he should have had his suit tailor made like Ralph Kramden.
Ralph said he liked the way the Black Panther guy looked. King said Ralph didn't even see that movie. He said Ralph loves those movies. Howard said he's off his rocker. Ralph said he wants to see it with black people. He said that he'd love to go.
Howard asked about Michael Strahan. King said he hates that guy. Ralph said he was fine. He said he likes him.
Howard asked about Jordan Peele. King said he looked sharp. He said he looked like a waiter though. Ralph said that other guy from ''Get Out'' had an ugly jacket on. Howard said he heard that King was harping on the idea that one of the guys had a white wife. Howard said it says King was surprised by Jordan Peele's wife being white. King said he talks about black issues and he's married to a white woman. He said that it's shocking when they do that and they have a white wife. Howard said he sees this is paying off.
king said he would like to come in and show him how much weight he lost and how good he looks. Howard said it's hard to control him. He said they can't get rid of him once he's in there. King said he wants to critique Gary and Ronnie about the way they dress. Ralph said Ronnie dresses very well when he's in a suit. He said when he's out of the suit it's not good. He said he should always wear a suit.
Gary said something really creepy came up about King. He said he was caught sniffing Wendy Williams' seat and he was kicked out of the show. King said that's not right. He said that he was invited to her radio show because he's on Howard's show. He said Wendy told him he looked fabulous and said she was going to have him on for two breaks. He said they were talking and when she went to commercial she got up and he sniffed her seat. He said that's all. Ralph asked what he expected to smell. King said she looked great back then and he wanted to get close to her. He said he was hoping to get a hint of something. He said he calls it essence. He said he didn't smell anything. Howard asked who caught him. King said it was some guy with a headset. He said she was nice about it. He said she came back and wrapped up with him. He said that she didn't keep him on for two breaks.
Howard said King has a new show where he talks about abuse. King said he's a former abuser. He said it's a show about domestic violence. Howard said that's like Harvey Weinstein having a show. King said he gets 20,000 rebroadcast views. Gary said Shuli heard some of it and said it should be called ''nothing but technical problems.''
Gary said Shuli was telling him that King was talking about how his wife would walk behind him and she'd know how to stay in line. King said that women should go back to the way they were at that time. Howard said he's an idiot. King said we both can't be quarterbacks. Howard asked if he really wants his woman to walk behind him. King said he's not trying to be funny. Robin asked what if she's a better quarterback. Howard asked if he's against the #MeToo movement. King said they're getting too strong. Howard said he should be in ISIS. He said he's so done with this. He said he'll never do this again.
Gary said that he's looking at the ''Time to Heal'' thing and they average 6-8,000 views so he's nowhere near 20,000. He said he had one that was 12,000. King asked if he sees the one from Friday. Howard said he's out of his mind. He said that he's saying we have to heal but then he's talking about keeping his wife walking behind him. Howard asked if he thinks that we should be allowed to throw rocks at women. King said no way.
Howard said King is out of his mind. He said get out of his face. He said this is enough. He said people are fucking done with King. King kept asking him not to let him go. Howard said he's done. Gary said this is why Howard won't have him in the studio. He doesn't know when to just go. King said he's a perfect gentleman. Robin said she's so bored with this. She asked to move on to something else. Howard said they've had enough of him today. King said he wanted to come in and critique Ronnie's clothes. Howard said he's done with him. Ralph said he did 2 hours of that last night. Howard said it's enough. He said time's up. King still didn't want to leave. Ralph said he's going to help and just hang up. Fred played King off with some music. King was still asking if he can come down there. Howard just hung up on him a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who told hi mot get rid of King. He said he would rather listen to Bobo. Howard said he can arrange that. Howard said Bobo is on the line. He said he's not sure why they put King and Ralph in the same room if they don't have tape of it. He said they should have gotten it right.
Howard said someone needs to be fired but they're not sure who. Howard said King was just on and he wants to be on again. Robin said she kept zoning out. She said she had to bring herself back. Robin said she was drifting off. Howard said that's the challenge to see if you can stay focused while they talk about the Oscars. Howard said he has to talk about his Letterman interview. He said he was excited to see Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet. He said he had that big smile and just powered through it. Robin asked how you're supposed to handle it. Howard said he just did it. He said everyone believes that he did something but not Ryan. He said Charlie Rose was accused and you believed that. He said he was gone. He said Harvey Weinstein you know did something. He said Ryan you're not sure about. He said that came to a screeching halt. He said that just can't be. Howard said he's not sure how he feels about that.
Howard said Louis C.K. is a guy's guy and everyone believed those stories. Robin said he just went away. Howard said James Franco is like ''fuck you'' though. Robin said he was out during that movie promotion and the heat died on that and he went back to his personal life. Howard said Seacrest was the best part of the Oscars for him.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said tomorrow they'll announce the IQ test results for Brent and Memet. Robin said some guy told her that he was sitting in his car for an hour and then he found out that the results aren't coming until Tuesday. Howard played a promo for the revelation special. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said Mr. Skin will be in shortly. He said he's going to do his Skinatomy Awards. He said that's his own Academy Awards.
Howard asked Robin if she had a good weekend. Robin said she did. She was out in Los Angeles. Robin said they were at a wedding that was supposed to be a party. Robin said the guy turned 80 and he got married. Robin said that he's 80 and the woman is a little younger. It was Jo and Larry. Howard asked how she knows them. Robin said she met Larry in Napa. She said he's one of her buddies out there. Howard said he loves that. Robin said they thought they were there for his birthday party but it turned out to be a wedding. Robin said they had a guy singing country western songs and then he says he's a judge and this is a wedding.
Robin said they had a great time out there. She said she kept waking up very early. Howard said she's doing too much. He said she's going to get sick from traveling. Robin said that she's not doing too much. Howard said she's going to get sick. That led to him doing his mother's voice and asking Robin what she was doing out there. Howard said he has to talk to her off the air.
Robin said the girl sitting next to her was wearing a bandana and she had her body completely covered. Robin said she wore gloves to the bathroom. Howard said Robin should have done that. Robin said she looked like she wanted to rob the plane.
Howard said Robin had a very serious encounter that almost led to death. Howard said he told her she has to calm down. He said Beth is going to California next weekend and he's not going because he's thinking of his health. He said he'll be miserable. He said Robin has to get in touch with what's going on. Robin said she had so much fun. She said Larry was honored by his industry and it was awesome.
Howard said he's going to lecture her off the air. Robin said the girl on the plane going out was on the plane coming home and she was wrapped up again. Howard said she should do that too.
Robin said Larry is 80 and he still works every day. She said he likes cars and motorcycles. Howard said he's annoying him now. Robin said he's an amazing human being and an inspiration to us all.
Howard said he has a hard time forgiving people. He said he's not a forgiveness person. Robin said he wasn't even alive during World War II. Howard said his mother makes him feel like he was. He did some of his mother's voice. He said that Atom Bomb calmed everyone down. He said the whole war was over after that. He said god bless Harry Truman. He said Time's Up.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he caught the bit where they went to Days Inn and handed out candy. He asked if he found it to be a little too much. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he doesn't give a fuck honestly.
Howard said he has a game to play. He said they'll give away $500 courtesy of Ring.com. Robin said she loves her Ring. She had some workers coming to her house and she was able to watch them coming and going while she was in California. Howard said they're going to play Sal's Father's Game. He said Sal has imbecilic tendencies. He said that they wanted to find out if Sal's dad knows more than Sal. He said they asked Sal's dad a bunch of questions.
Howard asked the caller, Rob, if he wanted to play. Rob said he'll play. Howard said Sal's dad is 77 and he came here from Sicily. He opened his own pizzeria at 19 years old. He said he was very successful with that. Howard said Sal asked his father who the first president of the United States was. Howard asked Rob if he thinks he'll know the answer. Rob said he thinks he'll know. Howard played his answer and Sal's Dad said ''Lincoln.''
Howard said Sal wasn't much better. He said they asked Sal's dad ''How many quarters are in 75 cents?'' Howard asked Rob if he thinks he'll know the right answer. Rob said he has to know that. Howard played his answer and Sal's dad said ''75 (After doing some math)'' Howard said after that his head exploded. He said he loved his math there. He replayed the clip of him doing the math and it took him about 30 seconds to get to 75.
Howard said they asked Sal's dad to name one brass instrument. Rob knew a couple. Howard asked if Sal's dad will know. Rob said he thinks so. Howard played the answer and Sal's dad said ''Trumpet.''
Howard said they asked Sal's dad what ocean is on the west coast. Rob knew it was the Pacific. Howard asked if his dad will know it. Rob said no. Howard played the answer and Sal's dad said ''The Mediterranean ocean.''
Howard said they asked Sal's dad how many wheels are on a tricycle. Rob said he thinks that he will know it. Howard played the answer and Sal's dad said ''Eight.''
Howard said they asked Sal's dad where the Eiffel tower is located. Rob said he thinks Sal's dad will know the answer. Howard played his answer and Sal's dad said ''France.'' Rob won the $500 prize.
Howard said he won that $500 from Ring.com. Howard said congratulations. Rob thanked him for that. Robin said it came down to the wire. Howard said there were 5 questions. Robin said Sal's dad just knew two things.
Howard took a call from Sal's dad who told him to ask him any question. The fake Sal's dad was doing the long math trying to figure out questions he was being asked. Howard asked him to spell the word ''Me'' and he did math to figure that out too.
Howard said they asked Sal's dad how many pennies are in a quarter. Robin said he won't know that. Howard played the answer and got 25 pennies. Robin asked how he got that.
Howard said they asked Sal's dad how many days are in a year. Robin said he has to know that. Howard played the answer and Sal's dad did the math to figure it out and came up with 320 or something. Robin asked how he doesn't know the answer to that. Howard said he was a good sport to do that.
Howard asked Sal what's going on there. Sal came in and said he was pretty shocked he didn't know the days in a year. Sal said when he was younger his dad was all about work and not school. He said if he got sick he had to hide from his dad. He said if he stayed home from school he'd drag him to work at the pizzeria. He said he was never about education. Sal said he's old too. He said he's forgetting some of that stuff.
Howard said Sal has the strangest family. Sal said he has an uncle that faked a kidnapping so he could get 50 grand to pay off some property. Sal said he got desperate and got the money from his grandmother. Howard asked about his dad investing in stuff. Sal said his dad went to Egypt to buy shoes and stuff. He said he thought he could bring them back and sell them there. He said his father paid double for what he got and it didn't work out. He said he went to buy Bunk Beds there too and then he found out to ship them back it was going to cost 3 times the amount.
Sal said his dad bought some olive oil and it turned out was mostly vegetable oil. He said now he's addicted to the lotto. He said he was thinking of putting him up against Wendy in a trivia contest or something. Howard said they could have Wendy and Sal's dad compete. They would play for Lottery tickets.
Howard asked Sal about his dad having a second family. Sal said he did and he met some of them at a funeral. He said there's crazy stuff out there like that. Sal said he got involved in something. He cut himself off and said he isn't going to talk about that. Howard asked what it was. Sal said his dad's friend was selling $100 bills for $50 a pop. He said his dad did some jail time for that. He said he was in the front of the pizza place and some people came in and pulled guns on them. He said that they had a mentally challenged dish washer they threw against the wall.
Sal said that he'd go into the jail to see his dad and they would stick fingers in his ass before he came out. He said they were afraid they were trading contraband so they had to check him.
Sal said that his sister thought that their dad was in college. Howard asked if he played cards with John Gotti. Sal said he played Baccarat with some people. He said he's not sure if it was John Gotti. Howard said Sal wrote a song called ''Free John Gotti'' when he was younger. Sal said he did. He said that was because his dad wanted him to get into music. Howard played some of the song and said that Sal can't even listen to it. Sal said that was a long time ago. Howard played some of the song and Sal said his dad thought this was going to bail them out.
Gary said that they put 5 grand into that rapping thing. Sal said it didn't work out. Sal said his dad lost the Baccarat thing and gambled away the family trip. Howard said it's amazing he turned out as well as he did after all of that. Sal said his uncle would rob his dad's pizza place. He said he'd go into the place and steal olive oil and sell it to a place down the block. Howard asked how they made any money. Sal said they didn't really.
Sal said he's going to work on that Wendy thing. Howard said he should ask her the same questions to see what happens. He asked where she is. Sal said she's in a dumpster somewhere. Howard asked if Gary can get her on the line. Gary said he's going to try.
Howard said he's going to ask Wendy the same questions they asked Sal's dad. Howard asked if Gary is having any luck. Gary said it's going to take a minute. Howard said he has to get to Mr. Skin too. He said he has some audio of Jim Bakker crying over Billy Graham he has to play too. He said he has to get to all of that.
Howard let Sal go and Sal wished him luck with Letterman. Howard said he already did it. Sal said he meant to say he's looking forward to it. Gary said that they're having trouble getting Wendy. He said they can't track her down because she changes her number often. Howard asked why that is. Gary said they got through to her but it went to voicemail. Howard played a song parody about Wendy and then a prank call they made to a guy using clips of Wendy talking about being stuck on an escalator. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he has Mr. Skin there and he has his Anatomy Awards. Howard said he was corrected and it's not the Skinatomy Awards. Howard said Mr. Skin looks as handsome as ever. He said he doesn't look like a guy who hangs in his basement looking for nude scenes. Robin said oh yes he does.
Howard said he has new equipment in there and he can't find the microphone for him. He said he can't remember how he set it up. Howard asked if he watched the Academy Awards. Mr. Skin said he did. Howard let out a belch and Mr. Skin laughed. Howard said Mr. Skin comes in every year and discusses his Anatomy Awards. Howard said you can play along by going to their web site. He said that they have links to Mr. Skin's web site. Or go to the Mr. Skin's 19th Annual Anatomy Awards page.
Howard asked Gary why he loves Mr. Skin so much. Gary came in and said he does all the work for him. He said that he gets email a few times a week and they link to the site when they have new nudes. Howard said he has breaking news on there. Gary said they'll have short scenes that you can check out and you can click through to find what you want to see. He said on Friday they had the best sex scenes in a shower. Howard asked what Gary liked in that. Mr. Skin said that's usually a thing they do in April for April Showers. Gary said one of them was Meryl Streep in Silkwood. He said they show everything.
Howard asked if Gary masturbates to that. Gary said no. He said he's more of a voyeur than anything. Mr. Skin said they never wanted to compete with porn.
Howard asked how Meryl Streep looked back then. Gary said she looked good but she was showering to get radiation off her body. Gary said he wants to see more sexual things than that. He said he's not into rape scenes or anything though.
Howard asked Mr. Skin about Schindler's List and if he has that on the site. Mr. Skin said his mom made him delete that off the site. He said it was a tough decision but he did it for his mom. He said that came from the top. He said she's a Skintern at Mr. Skin. Howard asked if he'd put it back up when she passes away. Mr. Skin said no way. He said to honor her he'd never do that.
Gary said he'll go on the site to look at what they have for a celebrity and they have suggestions for other actresses. Mr. Skin said they have some links to others who are similar. Howard asked if it's a sophisticated web site because it seems that way. Mr. Skin said he's not a tech guy but his people know what they're doing.
Howard said it says on MrSkin.com that they have ''great nudity'' in the movie. Mr. Skin said it does but they don't have it on the site. Howard said if they have that kind of nudity they won't show it then. Mr. Skin said it's just that one. He said that one crossed the line for them.
Gary said if it's a dead body they'll show it. Mr. Skin said they're actresses though. He said that they're not real dead bodies.
Robin asked how long his mom has been there. Mr. Skin said she's been there a long time. He said she does a lot of data entry. He said his mom did hit him up one time asking if it was bush or a shadow. Howard asked why she would have to make that determination. Mr. Skin said they have a lot of tags on the video. He said they have people come in tagging pictures for whatever they see in it. He said his mom was doing some tagging and she asked if it was bush or a shadow. He said it was a shadow. Robin asked if his dad is around. Mr. Skin said he is and he may look at the clips while his mom does a lot of the work.
Howard asked if he has a lot of family working there. Mr. Skin said he does and everyone who works there works hard. He said he has 40 employees there now.
Gary said he was in a meeting with someone who was starting a site and he told them that Mr. Skin and the MLB have the best run web sites out there.
Howard asked Gary about his favorites that he sees on MrSkin.com Gary said that Reese Witherspoon did some early on that's great. Mr. Skin told Howard about some of the stuff she's done and where he can see that. Howard asked if she had real boobs and if they were big. Mr. Skin said yes to both.
Howard asked if the MeToo movement is a problem for him. Mr. Skin said not at all. Howard asked Gary what else he has. Gary said he gets information from Mr. Skin and he was watching The Darkest Hour and he knew one of the women in the movie from her pear shaped ass. Gary asked if Mr. Skin knows who he's talking about. Mr. Skin said that he wasn't sure what Gary was talking about. It's actually the Hourglass figure.
Howard said for a second there he thought Gary knew the site better than Mr. Skin. He said Gary makes up 50 percent of the traffic on the site. Mr. Skin said that was Lily James that Gary was talking about. Howard said he's impressed.
Howard asked if there were people winning last night at the Oscars that popped into his mind. Mr. Skin said that Gal Gadot is one that he gets a lot of questions about. Mr. Skin said she did a fast and furious movie in a bikini. He said they did it in slow motion. He said she did a Gucci ad where she's sitting naked. Howard said it was tasteful nudity. He said he's shocked that she didn't do anything nude before. Mr. Skin said you can see some butt in that ad. Howard said he should be on the site so he can see this. Gary said they look people up every time they have them on the show. Howard asked why he's not on this site. He said he does look at porn.
Howard said he had a weird thing happen the other day. He said he was jerking off to YouPorn and nothing happened. He said he was jerking off and nothing happened. Gary said he's had that too. He said he knows what he's talking about. Robin said it's like a dry orgasm. Howard asked how old Mr. Skin is. Mr. Skin said he's 55. Howard said he didn't have that when he was in his 50s.
Howard said he's never had that happen before. He said the feeling left but nothing came out. Mr. Skin said it can only go downhill from there.
Howard said he can always get it up. He said he doesn't have a problem with alcohol or anything. Howard said Gal Gadot was the most searched name on MrSkin.com in 2017. Howard asked what actress is the second most searched. He said it's Scarlett Johansson. Mr. Skin said she did full frontal in front of a mirror. He said you get a 360 view of her in that. Howard asked if you see her backside in that. Mr. Skin said it's one of the best nude scenes in the history of nude scenes. Mr. Skin said you get everything in one shot. Howard said he's a pervert's pervert and that's why he likes him.
Howard said the third most searched woman on MrSkin.com is Jennifer Aniston. Mr. Skin said she did The Breakup and she did a nude scene. He said get the full screen version of the movie and you see more in the full screen version. Robin said this is when he creeps her out. Howard said Gary just ran his boner into the wall over there.
Mr. Skin said that there is a nude scene that Jodi Foster did but it was in a European version of the film. Gary said they had that in the compilation he saw last week.
Howard said they have to get to the Anatomy Awards. Mr. Skin said it's 42 total awards. Howard said that there's a picture of a woman masturbating in a tub while the water is running. Mr. Skin said that's called Below Her Mouth and it's a Canadian movie. He said this woman Natalie Krill is in it and this roofer is next door working and this woman is fantasizing about her. He said there are many great scenes in the movie.
Howard said he sees a woman in a picture with a full bush. Mr. Skin said this was Best TV show for nudity. He said in 1999 there were 5 shows with nudity on TV. He said today there are 137 on TV today. He said Netflix has 28 alone. He said that National Geographic had some nudity on a show too. He said the image Howard sees is from The Deuce. He said that was the best show for nudity. He said every show had great nudity.
Mr. Skin said in Atomic Blonde they had some great nudity. He told Howard about Charlie Theron. Howard said Christina Ricci did some nudity. Mr. Skin told Howard about what she did in this Amazon series. Howard said he likes her look there. Gary said that he just saved him from watching the shitty series. Howard said she has full fur burgerage. Robin said that it's a period piece. Mr. Skin said that the people selling Merkins are making a ton of money now.
Gary said that The Deuce takes place in the 70s so they have to find women who can play that with the big bush.
Howard asked Mr. Skin who has the best fake boobs. Mr. Skin said that he's not into the fake boobs so much. He said that some people get good ones.
Howard asked about this Nicole Kidman shot he's looking at. Mr. Skin said that was from Big Little Lies. He said that she looks great in that show. He said she had some very violent scenes but some very sexy scenes in that show. He said that she was in Eyes Wide Shut too and that's a great one.
Howard said Amy Schumer has some big boobs. She did that in ''Snatched'' and Mr. Skin told Howard about how shocking that one was. He said it was just 27 minutes into the movie. He said it was shocking because she had never done a nude scene before.
Howard said Lady Gaga did a documentary and she's nude in that. Howard said she sees that Madonna got a Lifetime Skinchievment award. Howard said she looks great.
Howard asked Mr. Skin about the Manatomy awards since he has MrMan.com too. Mr. Skin said that if he tried to have a man nude site 10-15 years ago he wouldn't have had that much content. He said now there are so many shows with nudity.
Howard took a call from fake Caitlyn Jenner who said he's pissing her off because he has no site for Transgender. Mr. Skin said there was some guy girl stuff on Transparent this season. Mr. Skin said there was a scene where this woman turns over had she has a cock. Howard let Caitlyn go a short time later.
Mr. Skin said there's a scene in a show where one guy is eating this woman out and the other is eating her butthole out. He said this was on HBO. He said there's a show on FX called Snowfall and in the very first episode this guy is nude getting a hummer. Then this woman sits down behind him and she blows the cocaine into his ass. He said this was on FX with commercials.
Howard asked how you search that on MrSkin.com Mr. Skin said just search for Snowfall. He said that was in the first episode. Howard said most of the time he just wants to fast forward to the good parts. He said that he would like to see that coke scene.
Howard said there's something great about seeing legitimate actresses getting nude. Mr. Skin said that when you see people in magazines over the years you think you know them. He said that you want to see the women you know. Howard said you might want to keep that to yourself.
Howard had fake Donald Trump on the phone saying that he gets his information from FOX News, Infowars and MrSkin.com. Howard asked about Omarosa showing her boob on Celebrity Big Brother. Mr. Skin said he thinks that was an accident. Howard let Trump go after that.
Howard took a call from Jeff the vomit guy who said Roman Showers bring April Flowers. Mr. Skin said that he has something for him. He said Penelope Cruz did a movie called Broken Embraces and about 56 minutes in she goes into the bathroom topless and throws up. Jeff said he's trying to get excited. He had a list of women who he'd like to see vomit. Howard said it's amazing that Mr. Skin can pull up this information like he does. Jeff was still talking about how he thinks about women vomiting and he's been doing that for 60 years now. Howard let him go a short time later. Mr. skin said at least he's not the creepiest guy on the show today.
Howard had fake Harvey Weinstein on the phone and he was asking if there are any women on the site he hasn't harassed. Mr. Skin said he can't think of any.
Howard said Mr. Skin has done it again. He said he's answered everyone's questions. Robin asked about nude scenes with a lot of people. Mr. Skin said that Westworld is coming back. He said that will have a lot of nudity. Howard said he didn't look at the private photos that were stolen from Jennifer Lawrence. Mr. Skin said they don't put that stuff up either. He said they get their stuff from film.
Robin said there was a woman on the Oscars who was wearing something that she could see through. Mr. Skin said he has people going through that footage as they speak so they can have something for her tomorrow.
Howard took a call from fake Mitt Romney who said he's a big fan. He said he can only look at the site through a hole in the sheets. He asked which episode of True detective had that woman with the big ass. Mr. Skin said he's probably talking about Alexandra Daddario. He didn't say which episode it was.
Mr. Skin said they have a huge sponsor called Chatterbate. He said he can't believe that he's able to do this. He said these guys go and have interactions with guys and the women don't have to have interaction with the guys.
Howard took a call from Mr. Skin's mom who said she just found Kathy Bates' side muff. She said she just found Betty White's rear burger and things like that.
Howard asked who the most shocking person is on the site. Mr. Skin said that Ginger from Gilligan's Island was nude in a scene. He said that Marcia Brady got nude in a movie in the 80s too.
Gary said that Kathy Bates keeps doing nudity and he's not sure why. Howard said she doesn't care.
Mr. Skin said there was a movie that came out in the 70s and he bought the Japanese laser disc of The Owl and the Pussycat and there was a nude scene in it. He said that this was from 1972 and it's a quick one. He said this is like the holy grail.
Howard asked if it's true that Benjy is on the site. Mr. Skin said that he thought it was worth putting up there and he okay'd it. He said that they put it up and it gets a lot of searches on MrMan.com. Howard asked what he thinks about that picture. Mr. Skin said he's not sure it matches up to the description that Benjy gives him.
Howard asked if any of the news anchors ever do nude scenes. Mr. Skin said he's sure people would like to see that but there aren't any that he knows of.
Mr. Skin told Howard about this woman on a show who sucks guys into her vagina. She said that it's on the Starz network. Howard said she sucks the whole guy into her? Mr. Skin said she odes. He said the best thing about this site is currating the crazy stuff that has gone on.
Howard asked Mr. Skin what he likes to watch for porn. Mr. Skin said he's into different things that Howard is into. He said he's not sure anyone needs to know that. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and did a live commercial read. After that he said he's been in the worst mood all morning. Robin asked what they did. Howard said nothing. He said he had a shitty night. He said he had to open windows in his apartment and he was cold. He said he had a shitty night.
Howard said he went to Letterman and he didn't have a shitty time. He said that it was a different kind of vibe. He said this was nice and he met the people from Radical. He said he saw Brandon from America's Got Talent who is working for Netflix now. Howard said they tape at 5 o'clock and he's winding down by that time. He said he took a nap but then his phone rang even though it was on do not disturb. He said he was up and he was all cranky. He said he was too tired to do the Letterman thing and poor Beth has to hear him bitch about everything.
Howard said he's not sure what his problem is. Robin said he has a problem with closeness. She said maybe he's afraid of letting Dave know how much he loves him. Howard said he actually was telling him how happy he was to see him. He said they did this at the taping.
Howard said his agent was there and Ralph was there too. He said he was there to check out his outfit. He said they talked for over 2 hours. He said he was happy to talk to Dave. He said he was asking about his career and his life. He said he felt pretty good about it but he was really tired. He said Beth came up to him and said this was her favorite thing he had ever done. Howard said Gary was there too. He said after that they went to dinner. He said he was feeling reasonably good about the whole thing.
Howard said he got up at 1 in the morning and he was ready to kill himself. He said he felt the whole thing was horrible. He was thinking about buying the special and burying it. He said he doesn't know. He said he's not sure what happened but it was too much something but he's not even sure what. He said Dave in a revealing moment in the show. He said he was thinking of it as a live radio show. He said he's not trying to be mean but he's trying to make people laugh. He said he doesn't think people care about what he's saying. He said that he got into this thing and maybe he didn't explain it properly. He said maybe he looked like a dick. He said he needed Robin there. Howard said he was shuffling around in bed and Beth was wondering what was going on. He said he told her to go to bed. He said she got up and she had to talk him down. She said she didn't know what he was talking about. He said she said it was the greatest thing ever. She felt he explained himself perfectly.
Howard said he was thinking that Gary took his ire. He said that something is wrong. He said he usually gets a note from Gary. He said he didn't hear from that Brandon or from Don his agent. He said he was freaking out thinking that there was something wrong with the interview.
Howard said he was thinking this was a disaster. He said he comes running back upstairs and he has no email from Baba Booey. He said first thing in the morning Gary had written him something. Then he heard from Don. He said that things were fine. He said Gary didn't do it because it was late at night when he got home.
Howard said he doesn't know why people bother him for interviews. He said he asked Dave why he had an audience there.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she left a few voice mails for him last week. She said it was so fantastic. She said it was very organic.
Howard took a call from a guy named Mark who was there at the taping. Howard asked what he thought of it. Mark told him he should do a one man show. He said it was great. He said he looked great too. He said he loved it when he took off his glasses. Howard said the Radical people asked if he was going to leave them on. Howard said he was going to leave them on but then he was having an intimate discussion with Dave so he took them off.
Gary came in and said this interview was amazing. He said he had heard some stuff that he had never heard before. He said he came across as a human being and he explained a lot of things. He said Howard did a lot of the heavy lifting too. Howard said he's glad to hear that. He said he was trying to please Dave too. He said he's only doing 6 interviews. He said if he chooses you to do this thing then you have to do good. Robin said she's not seeing that in the other interviews. Robin said they're confident and they just talk. Howard said not him.
Howard said Dave is only having 5 other people with this show. He said he's just doing 6 interviews.
Howard said that he was talking to Dave and Dave was saying he was going to invite him to Utah or something. He said he had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. He said he lives in Montana. He said he asked Beth if he was saying that to throw people off. Howard asked why he would be going there. He said he didn't know what he was talking about.
Howard said he found out this morning that they pitched his agent to have him go out to Utah and ride around on horses and look at stuff. Howard said he thought he was asking him to come to his home. Gary said they were going to look at the Grand Staircase. He said they were going to go together but he's not sure why. Howard asked if they're out of their minds. He said he'd rather go to Syria. Howard said he's not going to Utah. He said he never even heard about this plan. He said his agent didn't bring it up to him. Howard said forget the Radical brothers, how about the Delusional brothers.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that he was relaxed and very good and he turned her on a little bit. Howard said that's pretty good for him. She said she would have given him fellatio after. She said she did great. Howard said no one blew him after that. Howard said he just thought about how ugly he was going to look in this thing.
Howard said now he knows what the Utah thing was about. He said he didn't ask during the interview and he's not sure why. Howard said just take Malala there.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said it was a fascinating interview. He said he learned stuff he didn't know about his career. He said it was open and honest and interesting. He said the two of them can't enjoy themselves. Howard said he doesn't want to. He said he doesn't have fun anywhere. Robin said he makes things miserable for himself. Howard said maybe he enjoys not enjoying things. He said it keeps him safe.
Robin said his life could be so much more wonderful. Ralph said he feels bad that he can't enjoy things. Howard thanked him for the call. He said he has to get to news. Robin started talking about this Larry guy again and Howard said he never wants to hear about him again.
Robin started her news with Academy Awards news. Robin said they were saying that the first Oscars was only 15 minutes long. Howard said they have to get rid of some of the categories. Robin said she's sure that it's wonderful for some of the people who win. Howard said they could make it so much shorter. He said maybe have 7 categories. He said it's just the ones people care about. He said Mr. Skin should produce the show. He said he it's just so long and stretched out. He said they got an 18.9 rating and that's down by 16 percent. He said it still has a lot of viewers but they have so many things to watch on TV. He said it's hard to get a mass audience. Howard said if it was less categories they'd get it done with faster.
Howard had fake Kevin Spacey on the phone again. He spent a short time with those pre-recorded clips.
Robin got back to the Academy Awards talk and had some clips for Howard to play. They were talking about Frances McDormand's suggestion to have an inclusion rider. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Jordan Peele winning for best original screenplay. She talked to Howard about Key and Peele and how they didn't work together on this. Gary said they split up but not over anything bad. They were just done working together. Howard said that has to suck. He said it's like Ryan Seacrest and Brian Dunkleman. He said what if one guy excels and the other doesn't.
Howard said this dude Dave Chappelle is on top of his game. He said he's not a big fan of stand up but he's mesmerized by this guy. He said he can't stop raving about him. Robin said he has a gravitas that he didn't have in the past.
Howard played some audio of Jordan Peele's acceptance speech. Howard said he has Key on the phone too. He picked up and had fake Keegan-Michael Key freaking out about how he didn't write this movie himself.
Robin read about Kobe Bryant winning an Oscar last night. Robin had some details about the animated short award he won. Robin had some audio of his acceptance speech too. Howard said Kobe was accused of sexual assault in 2003 and people were calling him out for that last night. Robin said there may have been a trial and a civil suit and he may have been found not guilty.
Robin read about Gary Oldman winning for portraying Winston Churchill in The Darkest Hour. Robin had some audio of his speech. Howard said he thought the joke Jimmy made about Black Panther beating all of these movies. He said he's sure The Darkest Hour didn't make 10 cents. Gary said it actually did pretty good. He gave Howard the numbers. Howard said that's better than he thought.
Robin read a story about Guillermo del Toro winning an Oscar last night. Robin had some audio of his speech. Howard said he's the reason he got into painting. He said he showed him his journals and he started to study how to draw. He said he deserved an award for that show they had on FOX called The Strain. He said that was amazing. He said the guy is so talented. Robin said it fascinates her that these actors understand what he's saying. Howard said he knows what she means. He said he doesn't have any idea what he said to him when he showed him his journals. Howard said Gary posted a picture of him and Guillermo together to wish him luck last night. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about how people are critiquing the Oscars. Robin had some audio of some reviewer saying it was the most boring Oscars he's ever seen. Robin said he was very upset that they didn't live up to his expectations. Howard asked what people are expecting. He said he thought Jimmy did a great job. Howard said he knows how hard Jimmy works on that stuff. He said it consumes his life. He said he knows Jimmy and Molly pretty well. Robin said he threw an Oscar party last night too. She said she was told she would have been invited if she was in town. Robin said there were a lot of parties and Jimmy's was one. Howard said they're getting too old for parties. He said it's tons of people and it's too loud. He said you can't concentrate.
Robin read a story about a teacher who boasts of a secret white supremacist agenda in the country and they think she has some other name she uses on a podcast she's on. Robin said they say that she wants other teachers to get in on it and undermine the school system. Robin said she's not sure why they'd have to do so much work if they think they're supreme. Howard said you're going to get busted if you're a white supremacist. Robin said the school system doesn't know if she's actually this person.
Robin said that Cindy Adams is talking about Prince Harry and his fiancee and describing her as the divorced and biracial actress. Robin said it's interesting to her that she has no idea what Prince William's wife is. She said they never go into her background about how many boyfriends she had or anything. She must be okay because she's white. Robin said Cindy has to keep pointing out that this woman is biracial. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said Howard never played that Jim Bakker audio he talked about. Howard said he needs about 20 minutes to do that. Robin said that they're talking about how he needs a special honor. Howard said he wasn't celebrating him. He said he said a lot of shit that he didn't want out there that did get out. He said he was a flawed person.
Robin read about how the U.S. is going to dominated the oil industry for the next 5 years according to a study that was done. Howard asked how that happened. Robin said she's not sure.
Robin read a story about how Robert Mueller is demanding all paperwork from the election going back to 2015. Robin said that he's trying to find out what Trump knew and when he knew it. Robin said that there was also a shake up at the White House when Jared Kushner was stripped of his security clearance. Robin said his business dealings are getting a lot of scrutiny. Howard asked if Trump regrets running now. He asked what if this comes out to be nothing in the long run. Robin said that would be a nightmare. Robin said the far right has been claiming there is nothing there. Robin said she hopes he's not wasting our time. Howard said it is just an investigation so there could be nothing there.
Robin read a story about Trump boasting about going to a press corp dinner and having a good time there. Robin said he thinks he's accomplishing a lot and he had a great time there.
Robin read a story about the gunman at The Pulse in Orlando and how his wife is being charged in the case. Robin had some details about that.
Robin read a story about the brother of Steven Paddock being on trial over child pornography. Robin said they should just have this whole family shut down. Robin had more details about that case.
Robin read a story about self driving pizza delivery cars hitting the road. She said that Dominos and Ford are teaming up for that.
Robin read about how Bill Cosby is going back to court in Pennsylvania. Robin had some details about that case. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about how he's all jacked up over there. He said he has a lot more energy than he thought he'd have. He said his wife said he had to watch The Bachelor last night so he was up late. He said he had to see the shocking conclusion of the show. Robin said don't spoil it for her. She didn't stay up. Howard said here was leaked information and Beth said he'd be shocked at it. Howard said a lot of people like to call him gay for watching it but he's fine with that. He said he's very evolved.
Howard said they have a lot coming up today. He said he wants to share some things today. He said today is big because they get the IQ test results for Brent and Memet. He said ''Whoop, whoop!'' for that. He said he says that Brent is going to come out on top. He said he thinks they'll be mediocre scores though. He said the doctor is the only one with the results. He said they have two envelopes and they will reveal the scores without the names. Then they'll speculate and talk shit. He said then he'll open the envelope that has the name of the person with the high score. If Memet loses he gets his head shaved. He said he has a barber there for that. He said if he wins then Brent has to lick Memet's boot. He said he will lick and make out with his boot.
Howard said he predicts that Memet will have an average IQ much to his own shock. He said he thinks he'll be below 112. He said Brent is super smart but he thinks he'll be slightly higher. Robin asked if there's a chance of a tie. Howard said there's zero chance.
Howard took a call from a guy who said if Memet wins he's going to be shocked. He said he wants to smack that guy upside the head. Howard played a song parody about Memet about shaving his head. Howard said in the event he does win this is about his boots being meant for kissing. Howard played that parody too.
Howard said the President tweeted ''Go Memet'' this morning. He said he has $100,000 on Memet.
Robin said people are wondering what that message even means. Howard said he hit 'em hard with the Hein. Howard played a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' song parody.
Howard said he was critical of the ''In Memorium'' at the Oscars. He said they list all of the famous people who weren't mentioned. He said they even missed Jay Thomas in the newspaper and in the TV show. Howard said he was in ''Mr. Holland's Opus.'' Howard said he didn't even make the article about it. He said rest in peace Jay.
Howard said Rose Marie was left out as well. He said Flounder from Animal House was left out. He said he was an key iconic guy in that movie.
Howard said Adam West was left out and Glenn Campbell was left out. He said there were others like Della Reese, John Mahoney, Powers Booth, Robert Guillome, Toby Hooper and many others. Howard read through a list. He said this is a bigger fiasco than Bon Jovi having to wait to get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Howard said he's still fascinated by this Ryan Seacrest thing. He said he loves to see how people struggle with this. He said Kelly Ripa has to struggle with it because she's teamed up with him. He said that Seacrest can't be saying that she doesn't support him. Howard said E! is in a frenzy over people not wanting to talk to him.
Howard said they went out and asked construction workers what they think and if they will be boycotting the Kelly and Ryan show. Howard played the audio of the workers talking about what a jerk off they find him to be. Howard said he thinks they're living in Italy after hearing that.
Robin said people went back and looked at the backgrounds of people like Kobe Bryant and Gary Oldman because they've had some sketchy stuff. Robin said Oldman had a complaint of domestic abuse against him and Kobe had a run in with a woman.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said he took the IQ test and he agrees with Memet. He said the blocks were very hard as well. He said that's why he failed. Howard said he didn't fail. He said Erik beat Wendy the Slow Adult who got a 61. He said that's very feeble and Erik is also very feeble but he had a 66. He said Bobo was dull with an 87. He said he's not a moron. Erik asked what he thinks Memet scored. Howard said he believes Memet will get a 110-112. He said Memet said if he was considered average then he'd be upset. He said that's from 100-112. He said he may score higher. He said they'll go over this. He said 110-119 is high average. He said he thinks Memet wants to be very smart. He said he'll review all of this.
Howard said that Memet said this was all very hard. Erik said he thinks that he's rooting for Memet. Howard asked Erik how much weight he's lost. Erik said 85 pounds. Robin said they were at 70 before. Erik has lost another 15. Erik said he is getting his appendix taken out this week. He said he had appendicitis a month ago. Howard said he's a mess.
Howard let Erik go and moved on. Howard said he has Team Brent and Team Memet coming in. He said Dr. Sitt will be there with the results. He went to break a short time later.
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Howard asked Brent how he's doing. Brent said he's just waiting to find out. He said he'll roll with whatever happens.
Gary said Memet was in the office talking about how he doesn't need one of the guy's negative juju.
Howard said all the way to the left is Will who had a 130 IQ. Howard asked how he's feeling. Will said he's going back and forth on the two. He said he might be rooting for Brent today. Memet said Will was with him last week but now he's saying Brent. He said he has no friends there. Howard said that doesn't mean that you're not friends. Memet said they can't believe that Brent is going to beat him. Howard said he thinks he might.
Howard said Jon Hein has a 121 IQ. He said he's sitting in as well. He said Gary had a 121 IQ as well. Gary said he's feeling that Brent wins but it will be closer. Jason was in and he had a 118 IQ. Howard said that's high average. Jason said he'll take that. Howard said Richard Christy had a 117 IQ. He said no one believed that. Richard said Jason was bummed that he was only 1 point above him. Howard said that could mean they're in a dead heat.
Howard said JD had a 106 IQ and he's a Full Sail graduate. Richard said between them is Ralph. Howard said no one is having him in.
Howard said that also checking in today is Sal who had a low IQ. He said Sal had a 102 IQ. He said he beat Bobo. Robin said he did. Brent said he is a comedic genius. Howard said take it easy there.
Howard said as long as they're doing this they would have had Will the Farter there next to Sal with his 100 IQ. He said that next to Will would have been Eric the Actor who had a 90. He said Jeff the Drunk had an 89. Bobo had an 87 and he's dull as well. High Pitch Erik had a 66 and Wendy had a 61.
Howard asked the panel if there is any chance that Memet or Brent will score lower than Sal. Gary said he doesn't think so. Jon said no. He said he thinks Sal is the low one. JD said he thinks that Sal is smarter than that. Sal said this isn't about him today. He asked what the fuck this is. Howard asked who fought the civil war. Sal said the north and south.
Howard said that Richard is the Moe to Sal's Curly of the group. Robin asked if they had to put Memet in there in his rightful place where would they wind up. Howard said he hasn't seen the results yet. He said Dr. Sitt has those. He said Memet will be next to Richard and above JD. He said Brent will be sitting next to Richard ahead of Memet. He said he thinks that Memet will lose to Memet and get his head shaved. Memet said that is his worst nightmare. He said he's been thinking about that a lot.
Howard said what they will see today is that it will be closer than they think. He said he could be wrong. Howard asked what that ugly pin is on his lapel. Memet said that it's mental retardation awareness month and he's doing this in honor of Brent. Brent said it fits because Memet is retarded.
Howard asked what Brent's pin is. Brent said it's a Slayer pin. Gary said he wears that every day. Brent said he has a few different ones.
Memet said he thinks this has brought him and Brent closer together. Brent said he's out of his mind. Memet said he used to love reading growing up and Brent is his Lenny in ''Of Mice and Men.'' Howard said that probably doesn't work all that well doing a joke to ''Of Mice and Men.'' Sal asked what that is.
Memet said his point is that Brent is a retard but he's his retard. He said after this is over they can shake hands and be friends. Brent said they can't. He said Memet has a distorted view of the world and they are not friends. He said he isn't going to be in contact with sociopath like that.
Howard said a lot of people think the scores are going to be close. He said some think Brent is going to have a 121. He said he thinks that Brent is going to be lower than that. Howard went over the bets that they have and Benjy is involved but he's not in the studio today. Howard said that's because it's funny to keep him out. Howard said they have bets between a bunch of the guys in there. He said Ronnie bet for Memet to win but he thinks Brent is going to win.
Howard said that the betting is closed. Sal asked if he can get in a bet. Howard said he just said that he's closed the betting. Sal said he wants to bet with Robin. He wanted to pick whoever she thinks is going to lose. Howard let them bet.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a big fan of Brent and he's not sure what he'll do if he loses. He said Memet has been a dick about the whole thing. Howard said they're seconds away from finding out.
Howard took a call from Bobo who had an 87 on his IQ test. Howard asked what was going through his mind before they announced it. Robin said ''Nothing.'' Bobo said that Memet got confused with himself so he could have scored higher. Howard asked if his opinion of himself changed after the score came back. Bobo said it did. He said it can be devastating.
Robin asked if Memet is prepared. Memet said he can't imagine he's going to score lower than Brent. Gary said that Memet posted something about this test not mattering. Memet and Brent both said they didn't post that. They said Sal did it. Memet said he can't wait to rub this in their faces when the doctor comes in with the scores.
Jason asked what score is going to get to Memet. Memet said it's a 115. He said if it's lower than that then the test is rigged. Howard played a song parody about Bobo after that.
Howard said that he has Ralph on the phone to talk about this. Ralph said he has a question about the test having a plus or minus of 3. He asked if they're going to factor that in. Howard said no. He said they're going with the actual scores.
Ralph said he thinks Brent is going to beat him but not by much. He said that they will also score lower than they think.
Howard said he's going to have Dr. Sitt come in with the scores so they can go over all of this. He went to the phone and took a call from Jeff the Drunk who came out with an 89 IQ. Howard said he's on the high end of dull. Jeff said he was happy with the results of the test. Howard said that's what happens when you're dull. Jeff said he did beat the retards. Howard said he even beat Bobo. Jeff said he beat all the retards. Howard said he was very proud of him that day. Howard said he's going to rename him Einstein of the Dull. Jeff thanked him for that.
Howard said the reason he picked Brent over Memet is because of that time Memet was cat fished and he was going to go upstate to meet a ''woman.'' Memet said he was thinking of going but he wasn't going to go. Howard said Jeff got cat fished too but he's dull.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he can't wait for this any longer. He said he's in a car and he has to hear the results. Howard said he's going to get to it even though he has to pee.
Howard said he's introducing Dr. Sitt (DrSitt.com) who has the results. Howard said Dr. Sitt isn't a big fan of the show. He said that gives him more credibility. He said he didn't know ether of the guys. He gave his credentials and told everyone about what he's done. He said he gave the guys the Wexler test. Howard asked Dr. Sitt about Memet who was very nervous that day. Dr. Sitt said that he had to go to the bathroom before the test. Howard said Memet also didn't sleep the night before. Dr. Sitt said that's true.
Howard said that Memet claims that the military test showed that he'll score well on the IQ test. Dr. Sitt said that there are similar things in the test but it's not really like the IQ test. He said that it's not an IQ test. He said it's correlated but not the same.
Howard said that Memet freaked out over the blocks thing. He asked what happened. Dr. Sitt said you have to make the blocks into a shape he shows him. He said Memet was working on it and he stopped the timer. He said that he had him stop the timer and then he wanted to go back but he can't go back because that's the rule.
Howard said he's a little anxious over this. Memet said he has some issues with the test. He said he's going to accept this even if it's rigged. Howard said it's not rigged. He said this guy's credibility is at stake here. He said he's not going to blow his career over this. Memet said it's good radio. Howard said maybe he won. He said maybe he tested off the chart. He said his win will be futile if he's saying it's not legit.
Howard asked if he trusts him to be an honest human being. Memet said in this instance it's 50 percent. Brent said that Memet doesn't trust or respect Howard. Memet said he does. Brent said he doesn't work for the Stern Show. He said he works for tweets and likes. Howard said he's a talented doctor and he's not going to blow his career for this.
Gary said that some people were saying that it would be great radio if Memet won. Howard said some people say he's the father of reality TV. Memet said that he agrees. Howard said he just made that up.
Memet said he made some mistakes on the test. He said he wasn't able to come up with the answers during the test. Howard said that's just being stupid. Memet said the answers came to him as he walked out. Howard said he has not rigged this thing at all. He said he can make good radio out of any result. Brent said he has the greatest talent in radio hosting the show.
Howard said he has to move on. Dr. Sitt said this is sour grapes. Brent said he trusts Howard and Dr. Sitt. Howard asked if Dr. Sitt was surprised by the results. Dr. Sitt said he was surprised at the performance of the guys. He said he was surprised. Howard said Brent was much more laid back. Dr. Sitt said he was in a good head.
Howard said that Dr. Sitt says that Brent was slower on the test. Dr. Sitt said that some tests are timed and you can be slow. He said that there are some other things that he can take his time with. Howard said he was also saying that he could have ADHD. Dr. Sitt said he has ADHD himself and that doesn't affect the IQ. Howard said ''Whew.''
Howard asked if Brent's PTSD could affect this. Dr. Sitt said it can. Howard said that they have to get to the results. Memet said that he already gave it away based on his answer. Howard said he's off his rocker. He said he hopes he wins by 1000 points so they can say this whole test is bullshit.
Memet asked if he had a good score in one part of the test. Howard said they're going to get to that. Dr. Sitt said they both had their strong points. Memet said he just gave it away. Howard said he didn't give anything away. Howard asked if Dr. Sitt can believe this. Howard said Memet thinks he graduated from therapy. Memet said he did.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's been in her car since 7:20 waiting for the results. Howard said he's going to get to them but he has to go pee. He said he's going to take a break and then they'll get to the results. Howard told the caller he's going to get to it in a minute.
Howard took a call from the voices in Memet's head. One of the guys in the back was doing a rambling back and forth like Memet might have in his head. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard took another call from a woman who said that the Oscar for most annoying person should have gone to Memet. She said he's a millennial douche bag.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who told Memet to shut up. She said the app isn't working so the fans are freaking out. Howard said fix that fucking app.
Howard said that Dr. Sitt is standing by and you can go to him for the IQ test. He took a call from a guy who said that Brent isn't that bright of a guy. He said he thinks because he remembers stuff he's smart but he's a shit bird, not Memet.
Howard said you can feel the tension here. Howard said the boys did the best they could. Memet said this could spread a bad message. He said he did this for all the bullied kids out there. He said you can come out on top. He said if he loses then what message does that show them. Gary said the reason Memet called for this test was to prove that he's superior to Brent. Memet said that's because he was bullied off the air. Brent said he's never bullied him. Sal said there was a time when Memet told Brent to go find his safe space and Brent went off on him.
Howard said that's boring stuff. He said that he has to give Brent his time. Brent said he's a millennial snowflake. Memet said Brent gives him the silent treatment all the time.
Howard asked Dr. Sitt for the results. He had both of the envelopes. Howard said they are marked with number 1 and 2. He said he has them in his hand. Howard took a call from a woman who asked if Memet knows what a douche bag he comes off like. Memet told her to hang up and stop listening then. He said he takes bullying all day long.
Howard said everyone has to calm down. Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to get Memet off the air. Howard said he's going to get to it then.
Howard said he has the envelope and had Robin read them. Robin said it says IQ test scores names and IQ test no names. Howard said Dr. Sitt is the one who gave the tests to the guys. Dr. Sitt said he put them in the envelope and his wife helped him.
Howard said he's going to open the first envelope. He looked at the score. Howard said ''Wow!'' Memet said that's bullshit. He said he knows it's fucking bullshit. Memet said this guy is full of shit. Howard said everyone was tested by this guy and he's no better or worse. Howard did the math and said the spread is fantastic. Memet said that they should be ashamed of themselves. Howard said they don't even know the names yet. Memet said he knows it's time for bullshit.
Howard said the spread is 9 points. Howard said someone beat someone's ass really good. Gary said he had a 5 point spread so he won. Howard said listen to this. He said he's not sure who scored higher. He said one person scored a 112. Memet said you have to be kidding. Howard said that could be Brent. Brent said it could be. Howard said the other person scored a 121. Robin said that he's right up there with Gary and Jon.
Howard said no one beat Will. He said he's still the smartest guy. Howard said Gary and Jon have 121s so it could be Memet or Brent up there with them. Howard asked if Memet scores the 121 if it's fair. Memet said it is. He said if it's a 112 then it's fixed.
Howard asked Memet if he thinks he scored the 112 or 121. Memet said he should be in the 120s based on his military test. Howard said it's a big spread. He said there's nothing to complain about there with either score. Gary said that Memet thinks a 112 would be crushing to him. Memet said he's disappointed in all of this. Howard said he could be the winner. Memet said that he was making careless mistakes. Jon asked why he's so sure that he's not the 121. Memet said that he knows them and he knows that Dr. Sitt isn't being fair. He said that he knew Howard's name is Svee. He said he's a fan of the show.
Howard said Ralph was 112 and Memet said he has to beat him. Will asked if he will think less of that person who scored a 112. Howard said yes of course.
Jason said he loves the results. He said even if Memet has the 121 he's coming off as a mental midget right now. Robin said there's something wrong if this is his reaction to this test.
Howard said he has the envelope with the names. Memet said he's not sure how they sleep at night. He said Dr. Sitt should be Dr. Shtick. He said that he knows what they did and they're setting him up. Dr. Sitt said that he knows nothing about what he's talking about. He said he doesn't know Ralph or Will or anything.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked Memet if he made careless mistakes is the 121 a mistake. Memet said that he should have a 130. Howard said that he could have won and he's freaking out already.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he hopes to see Brent licking some boot today. Howard said Memet is such a crybaby. He said he's trying to remain impartial but it's hard. Robin asked if everyone is sabotaging Howard. Memet said yes. Memet said he's surrounded by liars.
Howard had the envelope with the names. He asked Memet to read that. Memet read it to him. The caller asked him to please get to it. He said he's been in his car since 7am. Howard said he has the results now.
Howard said Memet is a sore pre-loser. He said that he has to get the caller off the road. He said it's so fucking weird what's going on in there. Richard asked if they should lock the door so Memet doesn't run out of there.
Howard said they're going to bring in Gabi the Barber if Memet loses. Memet said he's upset. He told Howard to open the god damn envelope. He said he thought they all had integrity. Howard said he has to admit he's never seen anyone take it worse than Memet. Memet said he can read what's happening in the room. He said they're all against him.
Howard said he's going to open the envelope now. He ripped it open. Howard was crinkling paper and getting ready to read the results. Richard said he may have ripped up the results.
Howard asked Sal what he's thinking. Sal said he's just blown away. JD said he just wants to get it over with. He said he's very annoyed right now.
Howard asked Richard if he has any last words. Richard said he can't wait for this. Jason said he can't breathe. Gary said this is going to be great. Jon Hein said that if Memet has the 121 it's going to be the greatest thing ever and if he doesn't it'll be the greatest thing ever. Howard said that Will was eating his lunch over there. Will said it was an egg wrap.
Howard asked Ronnie if he's ready. Ronnie said he's there. Howard said take it easy over there. Howard said he's asking for quiet during the results. Howard asked Fred if he has any last thoughts. Fred said he prays for Memet's soul. Howard had Fred play some tympany. Howard said he's going to look now and he's going to give his reaction. He let out and ''Oh my god!'' He asked if they're ready. The guys were ready. Howard said the person with the 121 IQ, who will take a seat next to Gary and Jon... Gary was taking a picture of this movement. He said he wants to remember it forever. Howard said the person who is considered superior intelligence in this IQ test is... the 121 is... belongs to... He kept stretching it out. Fred was still playing the drum roll.
Howard went to it again and said the person with the 121 is Memet Walker. Memet said ''yes!'' He asked if he was kidding him. He said he's smarter than Jason. He said ''Yes!'' over and over. He said he has so much to say. Robin said the test doesn't mean anything.
Memet said he has so many people he wants to thank. He was thanking Dr. Sitt and his therapist and others. He said that he has to say that there's an 80 percent chance he'll have Gary's job in a year. He said now he knows how people feel when they win the Oscar. He said Jon Hein is the blow job king but he'll sucking his dick today baby. He went through the whole staff and told them to kiss his balls.
Howard said he has to ask something. He said he was ridiculing the test and now he's happy. Memet said he was messing around. Howard said if he may talk for a second. He said he sees the look in Brent's eyes. He said he can see he's bummed. Brent said of course he is. Howard said he is still high average. Jason said he's in the Ralph category right now.
Memet said that Ralph isn't even in his league now. Howard said he's only as smart as Gary so don't get too carried away. Howard asked if he'll take back what he said about Dr. Sitt. Memet said he already did.
Howard gave Dr. Sitt some plugs. He said Brent looks really bummed. Howard asked what's going through his mind. Brent said he is disappointed. He said he's 46 and he wishes he had taken it when he was younger. He said it's not rigged or anything. Dr. Sitt said the test is broken up in to 4 indexes and he scored in a superior range in two. He said that he was in the 93rd percentile in the memory section. He said he crushed Memet in that one. He said Memet was in the 30th percentile. He said that he thought he was going to tank the test in that part. He said Brent crushed it. Dr. Sitt said that Brent was also good in the verbal comprehension part. He said that Brent was slow in processing speed. He said he got the blocks right but he timed out on a couple of things. He said they had to put symbols in boxes and Brent was slow on that. He said maybe it is because of PTSD or military experience. He said that could be affected by that. Brent said he takes his time and thinks things through. He said he sounds like a know it all because he retains information after researching.
Memet said maybe they can bronze his boot and display it in there. Howard said he feels bad that Brent has to kiss his boot. Memet said it's going to be great. Memet said that they can be friends moving forward. Brent said he would never be friends with someone with a personality like this. He said he's not going to be friends with him or Ted Bundy.
Howard asked JD what he's thinking. JD said it's whatever. He said they're both smart to him. He said he hopes this Memet stays on the air. He said he's not going to want to be around him out there. He said Memet constantly talks about things out there and he's very condescending. Memet said that's because of his IQ.
Sal said he would like to donate his winnings to Bianca's Furry Friends. Howard said that's very nice. Will said he was thinking that Memet was smarter and he should have stuck with him.
Howard had Benjy come in and Benjy bragged about his win. He said that he's kind of suspicious about Dr. Sitt. He said he came in saying ''Hello dere'' like Howard used to. Dr. Sitt said that he has been a fan of the show since the channel 9 show.
Howard took a call from Ralph who welcomed Brent into the 112 club. He said he had a different administrator too. He said he's not sure if they can compare it. Dr. Sitt said that they're iron clad.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that you have to teach your kids right. He said Memet is like retarded in the real world. Howard said he's saying his behavior is off. Benjy said everyone who supported Trump thought that he would win this test.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Memet is a loser. He said he's a sore winner too. He asked Brent to punch him in the nuts when he's kissing his boot.
Howard took another call from a guy who said Memet is the guy everyone hates. His phone cut out. Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who told Memet to take it gracefully and not brag so much.
Howard said he has to give Gabi the Barber a shout out. Howard said he was there to shave Memet's hair. He gave Gabi some plugs and had him come in to thank him for coming in. Howard asked how long he's been at Gabi's Barber Shop. Gabi said that he has been there 10 years. Howard let him go and got back to Memet and Brent.
Memet said he gave Brent a chance to just kiss his boot and he was so sure of himself. Brent said he never said he was smarter than him. He said you win some and you lose some.
Memet asked what the phrase is that he has to say. He said he wants him to say ''Memet Walker you are the smartest man in the office.'' Howard said that's not true though. Memet wanted him to say he's much smarter than him. Howard said how about saying he's 9 points higher. Brent said that he's just saying that he's smarter.
Howard said he hates to see this but Brent has to kiss his boot. Brent said he was prepared for this. Howard said they have a purple pillow for Memet to put his foot on. Howard said he's sorry he has to do this. Memet said that he has to say it like he means it.
Howard had Brent get down on his knee and do his thing. Brent got down there and kissed his boot. He said Memet Walker is the smartest. Howard said he just did his thing. Memet asked him to shake his hand. Brent didn't do it. Memet said he's a sore loser. Howard said Memet is a sore winner. Howard said he's drained from this. He said he has to pay off his bets. JD lost $150. Gary said he broke even.
Gary said that Memet insufferable today. Memet said he just won. Howard said Brent is really upset. He said he has to calm the fuck down. Memet said he took it like a man. Dr. Sitt said that he's not worried about Brent. He said he knows he's a smart guy. He said he isn't there to be rocked by this. Benjy asked if he thinks one is more stable than the other. Dr. Sitt laughed and said that's another question.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Memet is the smartest guy in there. Sal said he wants Steve Nowicki to come in there and react to what Memet said to him about his looks. Memet said Steve is the better looking man and he was just joking.
Howard had Steve come in. Steve said he thought Memet was intelligent the whole time but he's emotionally damaged. He said at least he can hold an erection when he's with a woman. Howard said this is crazy. Fred played the ''Mr. Softee'' music for Memet.
Howard said Steve can fuck for a long time. Howard asked Dr. Sitt if he can too. Dr. Sitt said he loves you long time. Howard said Brent can stay erect too.
Howard had Ralph on the phone again and he asked what this is like for him because he holds Brent in such high regard. He said he just found out he's kind of dopey like him. Howard said it's a high average. He said that he has an amazingly high score in some areas of the test. Howard said he also might be suffering from PTSD which knocks down the score. Ralph said he has that ''PSTD'' too.
Jason asked what this shows about Memet throwing out a whole day's worth of work with his food. Dr. Sitt said there are all types of intelligence that this doesn't show.
Memet apologized to Jon Hein for saying he was going to suck his dick. He said he was just shooting shrapnel at everyone.
Howard asked if Brent would have blasted Memet if he had won. Brent said not at all. He said he would have sat back and watched him get his hair cut.
Howard let the guys get in a few more words. Memet said he still respects Brent. Howard said he's going to congratulate Memet and Brent too. Brent said this is all about the audience. He said they do it for them. Memet said he's going to back to his desk and he'll cool it for a bit on the air. Fred played him out with the Mr. Softee song.
Howard asked Gabi if he thinks Memet is balding. Gabi said that he thinks he's on his way. He said it's just a matter of time. Gabi said it could happen fast. Howard said he is a barber so he knows. Memet said that it's a hair line and he's not balding.
Howard said one more time he's thanking Gabi for coming in. He thanked Dr. Sitt for coming in and gave him some plugs too. Howard said he has to reach into his wallet and pay Benjy off. Benjy said he had the money too.
Richard said he and Sal's private parts could use shaving while Gabi is there. Gabi wasn't into that. Howard said that they have done some wonderful radio here. He said they have to have a winner there. Robin said there is no loser there. Brent said kissing his boot was no big deal.
Howard asked if it's harder to goof on Memet now. Brent said not at all. He was goofing on him not having a hard cock. He said he's a two pump chump. Sal said they should have a hard cock off.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that Brent got knocked down a few notches. Gary said Brent is still 23 points higher than him. Bobo said that doesn't mean shit. He said it's all memorization. Brent said that he has a dead raccoon his head.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who wanted to comment on this. Dr. Sitt said he remembers Jeff taking the test. He said he was using one hand and his nose to do that. Jeff said that Memet is still a fucking idiot. Howard said he's still fighting with Memet. Howard said that's spoken like a true 89.
Howard wrapped up and said they can pay off their bets off the air. Howard gave Dr. Sitt the last word. He said he should bring some closure to this. Dr. Sitt said everyone is a genius in their own way and you just have to find it. He said that he thinks that these guys should do what Howard does with meditation. He said they need some of that chill. He said they're all brilliant. Howard thanked him for that and wrapped up.
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Howard said in the aftermath of being accused if rigging something he wants to say that they don't rig anything. He said they do not do that. He said they love the reality of this. He said Dr. Sitt is a legitimate guy. He said they wanted to make sure it was on the up and up. He said everything they do is 100 percent legit.
Howard asked Fred to pick a song for him so he can go pee. Fred had a few choices. He had ''You Spin Me Round'' or Safety Dance. Howard said he doesn't listen to Safety Dance. Fred suggested ''Breathe'' by The Prodigy instead. Howard had him play that as he went to pee.
Howard came back and said he loves this song. Robin asked if he paints to this. Howard said sure. Robin asked what kind of detail work he does. Howard said he did this to a Rorschach test. Robin said he has a really strange feeling about this test today. Howard said he put his energy into that test and they still have 2 hours left. He said he's tired from watching the Bachelor last night. Howard said ABC is giving them another hour tonight. JD said it's 2 hours. Howard said that the watched The Walking Dead and Homeland last night. He said he watched The Bachelor and then he wanted to go to bed. He said Beth wanted him to stay up.
Howard said he copied a painting by Boudin. He said he is one of his favorite artists. He said Robin should buy him one. He said don't buy him anything actually.
Howard said Fred said something to him on his way to the bathroom. He said he said that the right guy won. He didn't think Memet could have handled losing. Fred said he would have gotten into a tub and sliced his wrists. Howard said that's what he said to him as he was going to the bathroom.
Howard said he has to change his email address. He said too many people have access to him. He said they all write to him and start off with ''I know you don't want to be bothered...'' He said he's going to have an email address of ''Dontbotherme@gmail.com''. He said people abuse the email too much. He said his email is a curse. He said the nicest guy in the world emailed him. He said Mark Cronin is a guy they worked with at WWOR as a writer. He said he went off and started his own company and made really bad TV and did wonderfully. Howard said he loves Mark and he's proud of his accomplishments.
Howard said Mark wrote to him and said he didn't want to upset him but he was watching CNN and doing a 10 hour special about the history of comedy and they didn't include him. Howard said he was in a bad mood already before this. He said it was a lovely email but this wasn't on his radar. He said he doesn't give a fuck who CNN thinks is funny. He said they're not on his radar. He said he got upset after getting this email.
Howard said he heard from Joe Quesada who works for Marvel and he was talking about what's going on with Stan Lee. He said that upset him. He said that he gets all of this stuff in his email. He said he showed his wife all of this and she told him to just delete it. Howard said that's what he's doing. He said he can't handle all of this. He said he loves Stan Lee and he'll do what he can to help but Stan should call him.
Howard said he's done with email. He did a bit like Ringo Starr saying he's done with email. Robin said she doesn't think he can give it up. Howard said he can give it up and he will.
Booker said that Memet had a great opportunity to be gracious but he didn't take that. Howard said we were all winners in that IQ test. Booker said he had Memet in the betting. He said that he had it and everyone hates him now. He just doesn't understand.
Howard said Booker used to work on their station. He said now he's out in L.A. working at AMP in Los Angeles. Howard said he's making a nice dime working out there. He said Booker has some sort of podcast with Perez Hilton too. Booker said it's a good show so download it today.
Howard asked if he's still into The Bachelor. Booker said he is. He said he stayed up to watch it last night. Howard said this guy Arie is a real douche bag. Howard said Arie tells every woman he loves them. Howard said you can't do that. Robin said she's had problems with him all season. Booker said he was copping a feel on every girl as they were walking out. He said he couldn't stop watching it though.
Howard said the success rate on the show isn't great. Booker said they're not watching for that. Howard said he's there for romance.
Howard asked Chris if he's still dating that girl he's been dating. Booker said of course. He said that her name is Kellen. Howard asked if they're going to marry. Booker said he has tried that and it fell apart on him. He said he's not sure if he's going to do that. Howard said he has this hot chick and he parades around with her. Howard said she's hot. Booker said yeah. Howard said you'd think he'd lock her in. Booker yelled out that they're getting married to Kellen. Howard did his impression of Ronnie proposing to Stephanie. Howard said that's how you do it.
Howard let Booker go and took a call from a guy who said he's glad Memet won because he'd be slitting his wrists right now. He said he thinks that Memet is still a douche bag. He said he'd rather have Brent in his corner if things went down.
Howard took a call from a woman who was yelling on her phone. Howard said just because you're in Canada doesn't mean you have to yell. She said she just wanted to thank them for the show this morning. She's on a road trip and she was glad they dragged it out.
Howard said he can't take email anymore so he's done. He said he heard from Tom Chiusano the other day though. He said he's a sweet guy. He said he told him he was impressed with one of his paintings. He said he's out there enjoying himself. He said he told Beth not to put his paintings out there but she did. He said he doesn't want to hear from people if they like it or not. He said it's nothing he wants to be evaluated on. Robin said she hears him.
Howard said he has another statement about some tape of Donald Trump. Howard played the clip and Bill said he has some tape that would be explosive. He said Trump knows about the tape and he will reveal it if Trump doesn't. Howard asked why you'd sit on it if it's that important.
Howard said that he's seen Bill at the parties in the Hamptons. He said he's talking about the elites but he's there.
Howard said Brian Dunkleman tweeted about Ryan Seacrest. He said he thought he had no beef with Seacrest. Howard said he tweeted about Ryan on Oscar night. He said that he has something going on there.
Howard said he heard from Meg Griffin. He said she's keeping her Sunday show on The Loft. He said that's online and in app only on Sirius. He said she's doing stuff on The Spectrum there too. He said she does some other schedule info in the email. Howard said he thinks she wanted him to announce it on the air. Robin said she hears Meg and it always makes her smile.
Howard said they're all talking about the results. Howard said he knows Ronnie is worried about Brent. He said he has to give him an update. Ronnie said he was watching Brent as it went down and the more Memet bragged the worst Brent got. He said they were worried about him because his eyes were getting watery and stuff. Howard asked if he's doing okay out there. Ronnie said he says he's okay but it's not right. He said there's something up. He said his face changes. Howard said he's right.
Howard said he hopes Brent is okay. Brent came in and said that he'll be fine. He said any time you're in a competition you want to win. He said he will be fine though. Howard said he wants to offer him some counseling. Brent said that he's fine. He said that he and Ronnie have fun with women.
Brent said his processing speed is slow. He said that's go to do with PTSD and weed. He said that the weed blunts the PTSD so he's fine with that. Brent said around there they have time to work through stuff.
Gary said that Brent has been in a good mood the past couple of days. Gary asked if he wants to talk about the pictures he's been showing everyone. Brent said he has some pictures on his phone. He said this is a good story. He asked someone to bring in his phone.
Brent said he was out Friday night and his wife invited him out. He said he went to work out and then met the girls at a bar. He said there was a beautiful young black girl there. He said his wife was dancing with her and then started making out with her. Howard said Ronnie has to hear that. Brent showed pictures of the chick and Brent was making out with her. Brent said she had to go to work the next morning so he went home and fucked his wife hard. Howard asked if there's going to be a threesome. Brent said yes. He said that will make him feel better. He said he's out partying with his wife and things are good. He said he's having a good time.
Howard asked if his wife is okay with him talking about anal and stuff. Brent said she is. He said making out with that black chick turned her on. He said he went home and had great sex with his wife. Ronnie said this is what makes things alright.
Howard said people were writing in about Ronnie getting pegged. Brent said that's not gay. He said he's not doing something with another man. Howard said it's a gay fantasy thing. Ronnie said it's a girl experimenting with something. He said let her do something she wants to experiment with. Howard said it's a dick. Ronnie said it's plastic or rubber. He said the girl is getting off because she has the vibrator on her clit.
Howard said a lot of songs are coming in about Ronnie getting pegged. Ronnie said he gets such positive stuff all the time about that. Howard played a song parody about Ronnie getting pegged.
Sal came in and said that Ronnie does sex toy reviews. He said he came in with a toy today. Ronnie was already arguing with him. Sal said it's 4 dildos and a butt plug. Howard said it's called a Pegging set. Ronnie said it has the thing for the chick too. He said if Stephanie wanted to try that he'd do it. Brent said the cocks are so huge. Ronnie said he would do it if she did.
Howard said they have to do it and they have to tape it. Sal said Ronnie came to him saying he would be willing to try it. Howard said he wants that long, black cock up his ass. Ronnie said there's a whole shitload of them in there. They were different sizes. Howard asked if he would work his way up to the big one. Ronnie said no.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said it is gay to take something up your ass like that. He said it's a cock in your ass. Ronnie said it's a dildo. He said there's no cum going into his ass. Howard said he's saying that he's on the spectrum of being bisexual. Howard said if his girl wanted to do this he'd get a different girl. Ralph told him to get fucked by a guy. Brent said he doesn't want a guy. He said it's with a girl. He was agreeing with what Ronnie was saying.
Ronnie said the one in the set he has isn't the same thing he had. Howard asked if it's only gay if the guy finishes in his ass. Ronnie said you're gay if you take a real cock in your ass and let the guy drop a load in there. Howard said the songs continue to come in. He played another one about Ronnie's pegging.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what's wrong with him. Ronnie said nothing. The caller said his wife stuck her finger in his ass and he almost beat the shit out of her. He said there's something mentally wrong with him. Howard said there's noting wrong with him. Ronnie said that's real cool he wanted to beat the shit out of his wife. He asked what the hell that's all about.
Howard said see how happy Brent is now. He said he's doing fine. Howard said Ronnie did a good job cheering him up. Howard let them go after that.
Howard said the fans wrote in about Jimmy Kimmel. He read some of the email about Jimmy's Oscar hosting. Howard said he got tons of love after that. Howard said someone wrote in about Jay Thomas being left out of the in Memorium thing too.
Howard said that one of the hosts hopes that harm will come to her atheist daughter so she learns. Howard played a clip of this woman talking about that. Howard said it's funny when the most religious people have atheists in their family. He said it ends up being a turn off when they're that out there. Howard did an impression of that woman talking to god about what she'd like God to do to her daughter.
Howard said that one of the hosts insists on singing her own songs. He played some audio of the woman who has the worst voice singing her own song. Howard laughed. Robin said ''Oh boy.'' Howard said that's somehow. He said that singing pastor is his favorite. He said one of her songs sounded like an EDM song. He played some audio of that. Howard said she does this show and sings with Prodigy.
Howard played another clip of the singing pastor singing a song to a caller. Howard said they're in the same business as these people. He said this is why he hates podcasts. He said he's spent years trying to make the business good and this woman has her own show. He said the world is doomed.
Howard said the guys made a phony phone call to the show. Howard played the call the guys made using clips of his voice. They had Howard saying some disgusting things to the hosts of the show. They played a song to get out of that.
Howard said that then they were talking about how he was going to be hit by lightning. Howard played some audio of the hosts talking about some disruption during a church service and the men who did that were struck down by lightning as they walked out. Robin said that woman is lying. She said she dares her to prove that. Howard said he needs Robin alive so don't challenge them.
Howard said he isn't getting to the Jim Bakker thing today. He said he does have to play this clip from E! where they had this big news about how they heard that Margot Robbie may have cut her hair. He said this is the biggest news. Howard played the clip and they were talking about it like it was the biggest news of the night.
Howard did an impression of the E! people talking about how Oprah didn't wipe to completion. He had them breaking into their programming to reveal that.
Howard said he had a female director on his movie but no one was celebrating that. He had E! talking about how Greta Gerwig walking bare foot on the red carpet. Howard played that and they were really excited about that. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
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Howard took a call from a woman who said that the show was great today. She said that she's been laughing so hard today. Howard said that's what he told David Letterman. He said his life is dedicated to making people like her laugh. Howard said he brings joy to the world.
Howard said he has to get to Robin's news. He had Fred play a song parody about her. Robin started off with some news about The Bachelor and how they track the women's periods on the show according to a book that has behind the scenes stories.
Robin read a story about a man who attacked people on a flight. Robin said he was 20 years old. Robin read the details of that and that led to Howard doing his Indian accent. Robin said this guy was playing porn on his computer and he got naked and the flight attendant asked him to put on his clothes. Howard played along with that and did his voice for Robin as she read through the story. Robin said he tried to hug women on the flight and they had to restrain him with cloth around his hands. Robin said the passengers were relocated on the flight.
Robin read a story about a holocaust survivor complaining that she had to go through a body search at an airport. Robin said she's 84 years old. She said the woman said she has to be able to get through there without being hassled. Robin said she was in New Mexico giving a lecture about surviving the holocaust.
Robin read a story about a teacher who has been asked to stay out of the classroom after it was revealed she might be a white supremacist. Robin said she's a beautiful woman. Howard jokingly said they're going to have a white supremacist beauty pageant next week. Howard said imagine she dates him and tries to put a finger up his ass. He said they talk and they're connected and then he finds out she's a white supremacist. He said one day she just casually says ''kike'' and the dreaded N-word comes up. Does he leave or what? He said he might have to. He said he was going to go home with a woman when he was single and she called a doorman the N-word. He said he ended up dumping her off. He said he didn't leave her there. He said she was kind of into him. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about day care workers who were giving gummy bears with melatonin in them to the kids at the care center. Howard said he'd be doing that if he had kids. Robin said they're charged with 2 counts of endangering the kids. Robin said they've been doing this since November.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who was on his speaker phone. Howard had to ask him to switch it. Howard read some email about King and some people want more. He read more email from fans who don't want him on anymore. King said that when he went to Robin's house she sent him a rubber stamp picture. Robin said that's not true. She doesn't have one. King said he still has the picture. He said it's a beautiful picture of her. Howard said someone wrote ''More King of All Blacks signed OJ Simpson.'' King asked if he thinks he killed those people. Howard said of course he did. King asked why he would show his face if he did that.
King said he learned the price of Howard's microphone. Howard said he's not sure what it's even called. King said it's a Neumann U67. The guys said that's what it is. King said it's $17,000. Gary said he actually has a TLM 103. Howard asked what that costs. Gary said it's $1,100. Howard said maybe he should try that 17,000 microphone. King said that's what Howard has to get. He said he always has top of the line. Howard said he has a Z26 inline shock mount too. King asked if it's black or gold. Howard said it's black. King sounded bummed.
Steve Nowicki came in and gave Howard's history of his microphones. He knew how he had them mounted and all of that information. Howard said he should fire him over that. He let King go and did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he likes this microphone he has. He said maybe he should have that $17,000 Neumann. Robin said it's too big though. Howard said maybe he should try it. He said maybe his talent goes up. He said they should try one at least.
Robin was wondering how bad things would get before Howard had to be put away. Howard said he doesn't want Beth to have to wash his balls. Robin said that a nursing home is being sued for workers verbally abusing a patient. Robin said they put hidden cameras in the room of this man and they recorded several incidents of workers abusing this man. Robin had some audio of the family talking about this. Robin said they think he was abused because he's of Turkish descent.
Robin read a story about a 2 year old looking at a portrait of Michelle Obama in awe going viral. Robin said the post was seen by 10s of thousands of people.
Robin read a story about vaping and how they're saying that they're more dangerous than they thought. Robin said they have found carcinogenic things in teens who vape. Robin said now what? Robin said they're going to have to stop vaping and smoking. Howard said how about just not doing either.
Robin read a story about Frances McDomand's Oscar being stolen at a party last night. Robin said the guy posted a video of himself with it. Robin had some audio of the guy's video. Robin said that's how he got caught. He claimed he won it. Robin said the suspect was booked on felony grand theft charges.
Robin read a story about Emma Watson saying she needs a proof reader for when she gets tattoos. Robin said she had one saying ''Times up'' but it's missing an apostrophe in the word ''times.'' Robin said that Emma has owned up to the error. She said it was just a temporary tattoo though.
Robin read a story about Nikki Haley being in the news today. Robin said she's Howard's friend. Howard said he did meet her. Robin said she is accusing the UN of bullying Israel. Robin had some more details about that.
Robin read a story about Jon Stewart coming out to support some rally in Washington DC. Robin had some audio of Jon speaking at the rally.
Robin read a story about a gymnast who came forward to call out Larry Nasser about sexual abuse. Robin said this is the first male gymnast to come forward. Robin had some audio of this kid talking about how Nasser allegedly put acupuncture needles near his groin. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Sam Nunberg, a former aide to President Trump, going on some cable shows and saying he's not going to accept a subpoena in the Russia investigation. Robin said he was on several shows talking about why he was doing that. Robin said he appeared close to the end of his rope according to some. Robin had some clips for Howard to play. She had some audio of this guy calling Sarah Sanders a fat slob and other things. Robin said Stephen Colbert was joking about this guy Nunberg last night. Robin had some audio of Colbert doing that.
Robin read a story about another Nor'Easter heading their way. Howard said he hates snow. He said it just reeks havoc.
Robin read a story about an actress who lost her toddler to an out of control car in a crosswalk. Robin said this driver told police she swerved to avoid another car and ran into them. Robin said the actress is in stable condition and she's pregnant with another child.
Robin read a story about the torture siblings who are enjoying a musical gift. Robin said they were treated to a private concert by Yoyo Ma. Robin had some details about that. Howard asked if they haven't suffered enough. Howard said how about taking them to a Metallica show and give them a show. He said they're being tortured by Yoyo Ma. Robin asked if he's ever listened to classic music. Howard said if course he has. He said they should have gone to a Skrillex concert. Howard said they're young kids. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started the show talking about how he has so much to talk about. He said he has to follow up and see how Brent and Memet are doing. He said maybe he should start with that. He said he has so many things to talk about. He asked how Brent is doing. He said he lost the IQ test and took it hard. He said he could tell. Brent came in and said he is exhausted from that. He said that Dr. Drew pulled him aside yesterday after the Wrap Up Show and told him to look up some articles about working memory. He said they say that's the part that determines your work success. Brent said that they say working memory and communications skills work best in jobs.
Howard said he was asked if he thinks any less of Brent after this. He said he puts a lot of Gravitas behind this. He said he was looking at it like this. He said he tested high in categories he knew he was good at. He said he can do things like put facts together in an interesting way. He said it shows high intelligence. He said he doesn't process information quickly though. He said he's still an intelligent guy. He would still go to him for an opinion. Robin said he's still high average in the IQ test.
Howard said he heard people were going up to him like he had just had a death in his family. Brent laughed and said that was the worst. He said at the end of the day it was great entertainment. He said you just get back up and go at it again the next day. Howard said people did say it was great radio. He said they put it on the line. He said he had so much commentary. He said Brent will go home and think about this slowly. Brent said he's always done that.
Brent said that the score on working memory was great so he was happy about that. Howard said he heard he went to Gary and apologized to him for letting him down. Brent said Gary is one of the greatest guys ever. He said he felt bad for letting him down. He said it was like letting the coach down.
Howard said he heard he spent last night liking tweets that said Memet sucks. Brent said he did thank the fans of the show for listening every day. He said in his 25 years of radio it's always been about the show. Howard said he heard Memet was saying that he was up all night liking those negative tweets.
Howard said he doesn't think Memet could have handled losing the contest. He asked where he is. Robin said he walked out of there like he won the World Series. Howard said he did. He said no one likes to lose.
Memet came in and said it wasn't as fun to win as he thought it was. He said he felt bad after. He said he is friends with Brent and he underestimated how bad he'd feel about it. Howard said he felt bad with the boot licking. Memet said he did too. Brent said he was just paying off a bet.
Memet said he woke up at 1 in the morning in a panic. He said he felt like he owed him an apology. He said he was going to write him a note to apologize. He said he didn't mean to make it personal. Howard said he was questioning him with that rigged bit thing.
Howard said Jackie Martling once accused him of setting up a roast room and he didn't do that. He said that Jackie thought he did it because it would be funny but he didn't rig the room. He said he thinks Jackie still believes to this day that he rigged it but he didn't rig it. Robin said she believed Howard.
Memet said his back was up against the wall. He said he would never disrespect him like that. Howard said Gary got texts from Jeff Probst himself. He said he had a whole long series of texts about the IQ test and all of that. He said Jeff screens all of the contestants on Survivor. He said he didn't know that. Howard said Jeff wondered how Memet would do on Survivor. Howard said he thinks he might be able to do it.
Memet said he thinks he's friends with Brent. Brent said they just work together. Memet said that people are saying they saw his eyes welling up in the studio. Brent said no one likes to lose. Howard said Gary and Jason were bothered that they were getting trashed on the air but not off the air. Gary said that Memet will trash you and then say he's kidding around but then he does it 7 times and you start to believe it. He said some people get apologies off the air and some don't.
Jason came in and said he means the things he says when he says them on the air. He said he says them off the air too. He said he'd have more respect if Memet did that off the air and just admit it. Memet said he thinks he handles things fine. He said they get into it on the air and throw insults and jabs. He said he thinks he handles it better off the air.
Memet said he wants to say something about Jason and Brent. He said they say he needs validation on the internet but he really doesn't. He said he doesn't read his notifications. He said he follows Jason and it tells him this stuff. He said he thought Jason was a friend. He said he still does. Howard said he's addicted. Memet said if someone said Jason was a dick and he was great he wouldn't like it. He said Brent was liking things that said he sucks. Howard said he's saying that he thinks Brent is a sore loser. Memet said that he follows his friends.
Jason said Memet was showing off his hair the other day and he was all over social media. Memet said he isn't on there. He said he follows his friends. Howard told him to stop following them. Memet said he'll stop following Jason and Brent then. Howard said good.
Brent said he didn't mean to like stuff with negative comments about Memet. He said he doesn't tweet a lot. He said last night he did thanking the audience and maybe some of those people said some negative things that he liked.
Howard said Steve Nowicki was upset by the gummy smile comment that Memet made. Steve came in and said that he has no problem with him shitting on the air. He said he gave him the worst apology off the air. He said he told him he lies on the air and he knows that. Memet said he didn't say that. Steve said you go in front of 10 million people and bash him and then says he doesn't mean what he said. He said it's like fuck you dude.
Howard said he has to give him some Gary math. He said his intellectual math is a noine and his personal life is at a 2. He said he lost friends. Memet said he guesses so. He said that he apologized off the air and Steve told him it was fine. Steve said he told him to just stop it.
Howard said he has so much email about that test yesterday. He said they generated a lot more email than he's seen in a long time. Howard said even songs are coming in. He played a song parody about how Memet is much smarter than Brent.
Memet said that if he plays around with anyone it's a major crime around there. Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Memet's speech after was awesome. He said Memet is a great part of the show. He said they need more people like Memet. Memet asked if he heard him apologize to Steve. The caller said he did but he didn't think he needed to.
Howard said in the email there were people calling him great and a douche. He said the controversy continues on. He said the test caused a lot of strong emotions.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks Memet has taken shit from so many people. She said they're acting like grown bitches there. Memet said he's the silent martyr there. Brent said that the thing that the caller is missing is that Memet starts a lot of this. The caller said just deal with it. She said it's on the air and they get listeners from it.
Memet said that the key words are ''on air.'' He said he has never been mean off the air. Gary asked why it's kidding around for him on the air but it's bullying when someone does it to him. Memet said they take it off the air.
Howard said Memet took back the best looking guy title from Steve yesterday. Memet said he's trying to make comedy there. He said that Steve has the title. Howard said you can't keep taking it back. Memet said he's not.
The caller said that Memet is hot and his IQ makes him hotter. Memet said he finds out that these people hate his guts and it sucks.
Howard read more email about yesterday's show and people were both bashing and liking him. There were people saying he needs help and some thought he needs to go back to therapy.
Howard asked if he listened back to the show yesterday. Memet said he did and he felt bad about some of the things he said.
Howard read more email about Memet and someone said he's surprised that he hasn't been beaten to death. Howard said someone blamed Scott the Engineer for Brent's loss. He said Scott took him in the betting.
Memet asked Brent if they're really not friends. Brent said it takes a long time to get to know someone. He said he needs people to talk to about the news so it's fun to talk to him about that stuff. He said he made a vow to himself to limit his contact with sociopath. He said that's why he doesn't want to spend time around Memet. Brent said he went to therapy for a few years. Memet said he only went 8 months and he's done.
Howard read more email about Memet and Brent. Memet asked if he's still wanted in the bowling group. Howard said he'll do a poll about that. Brent said he wasn't even invited to that. Howard said he's kind of dumb so that's why. Howard asked Steve Nowicki if he wants him at the bowling party. Steve said he doesn't care if he goes. Gary said that he did the informal poll and only one guy doesn't want him there. Gary had him explain why that is. The guy said he thinks that he's human garbage. He said he thinks he's a phony and he gets bummed out when he finds out when he's going out with them. He said he thinks he's just an asshole. He said he doesn't trust him and he makes his skin crawl. He said he once said he would do anything and step on everyone there to get to a senior level.
Howard said way to ruin a bowling party. Memet said that's ridiculous. Howard said he has some repairing to do. Memet said not with that one. Howard said the other guys seem to want him there. Gary said he was the only person who was against him coming.
Memet said he tries to be a kind person. Gary said someone stepped up and said that no one is excited about him coming. He said they don't mind if he goes though. Howard said way to take the wind out of his sail.
Howard told Memet to read his note to him. He said he did great radio yesterday. Memet said he gets emotional with Howard. He was starting to get upset. He said he feels bad for insulting him. Howard said when someone does good radio it's fine. Memet said he's a little bitch sometimes. Memet said it's just when he talks about Howard. Gary said there's insane laughter coming from the office. Howard said he admires his strength in showing his emotions. Memet was ready to leave the studio. Howard said stay in there. He told Gary to ''bring in a tampon... I mean a tissue.''
Howard said he applauds him so please read that note. Memet said he can't. He said he's so upset about it. Then he started reading the note. He was getting all upset about it. Memet read the note where he apologized for saying some of the stuff that he said about the contest being fixed. He said he went home feeling sick about it and he was just trying to be funny. Memet was upset and talking about how he hates this. He said he wouldn't disrespect him because he's done so much for hi. He sincerely apologized.
Howard said he accepts that apology. He said read it again and kiss him. Howard asked if he really graduated therapy. Memet said he did. Howard said he's not sure what's going on with him. Memet asked if he's banned again. Howard said he didn't ban him. He said last time he ran out of there and went hiding he was worried about him. He said sometimes it's hard to take. He said he's been doing this for 40 years and he's been an emotional wreck at times. He said you try to do a live show and things fly around. He said he has had personal life stuff fly around and there's a lot of emotional stuff. He said you have to be emotionally fit.
Howard said he had to be sure that Memet could handle what they do on the air. He said he asked him to come in and be open and honest and he was. He said same with Brent. He said the fact that they took the IQ test is great. He said Brent took it like a man losing to Memet. He said imagine if Memet had lost. Memet said just imagine if he got his score. Memet said he's not a crier. He said he never cries. Howard said he is a crier.
Brent asked what the tattoo is that he had removed from his chest. Memet said it's something from the time he was in the military. Brent said he was just wondering what it was. Memet said it was something from his squadron. He said he feels silly having it there. He said he was only in Oklahoma so he felt weird about it. Brent said he still has the Gangster of Love tattoo though. Memet said he can't see that one because it's on his back.
Howard said what he's trying to point out to all people and Fred is that this is a very emotional show. Robin said people do put things on the line. Memet said many people have cried on the show. Howard said that's right.
Howard had a song parody about Memet running out of the studio crying. Howard said he has a million of them. He said he has his air force bunk mate on the phone. Howard took the call and the guy said they had matching swastika tattoos and Memet hates the Jews. He told him to go cry like a bitch after that.
Memet said he was just going to come in there and sit quietly at his desk today. Howard said he wanted to find out what emotional state they were in.
Howard took a call from a woman who said he's crying with laughter over this. Howard asked what it is about a man crying that evokes laughter. The caller said she can't stand Memet. She said it made her laugh though. Howard said his pain has caused laughter.
Howard asked Brent what they have learned. Brent said they learned that he has a 121 IQ but he loses his phone everywhere in the city even with that IQ. Memet said he scored retarded when it comes to memory. He said the doctor told him he could have out scored Will if he had done better in the memory part. Howard said he learned that bowling will be a blast today.
Howard asked Will if he wants to get on the air and say he likes Memet. Will said he actually loves Memet. He said he doesn't get why people hate him so much. Howard said he thinks Memet just thinks everyone dislikes him. Gary said the thing is that if you don't love Memet then you hate him.
Howard asked Memet how his relationship is with his father. Memet said it's fine. Howard said he has tremendous desire to be loved. He said what he's telling Memet is that it's wrecking him when he's not loved. He said to get someone to care about you it's making him a mess. Fred said that was pretty profound. Howard said you have to explore how hungry you are for that love. He said that he has to get people to love him. Brent said it all goes back to your parents. Howard said it's the love of men, women and people. He said he wants a real love. He said he just wants someone to love him for him. He said he feels like everyone is against him. Memet said that he feels like what he's saying could apply to anyone with feelings. Howard said some people have a hunger stronger than others.
Robin asked if he likes himself. Memet said on most days. Memet said they all have insecurities. Howard told him to look at him. He said he keeps referring to ''we'' but he's talking to him about him. Memet said he knows he has issues. Howard said he despises himself. He said he was sitting there with Letterman thinking about how he looks disgusting. He said therapy is the remedy.
Howard said he doesn't think he should have graduated from therapy. Memet said that guy is great. He said without it he would have run out of there already.
Howard said he has The Lump on the phone and he says he doesn't hate him. Memet said he loves The Lump. The Lump said he has no one else to blame for this stuff. He said he just lays this stuff out for people and he's surprised when people react this way.
Howard said all he's saying is that he should throw away the cap and gown from therapy and get back in there. Memet said it's expensive though. Brent said that they have insurance for that. He said they cover it. Memet said a little bit they do.
Brent said he went to therapy for years and once he did have the breakthrough he wasn't proud of how he behaved in the past. Howard said getting advice from a guy with a 112 IQ isn't what they want. Brent said he had a 122 working memory. He said therapy is very good. Howard agreed.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Memet is a crying little bitch. He said he also wanted to say hi and that it's his birthday. Howard wished him a happy birthday.
Memet said he does cry on the air but he goes back to his desk and carries on. Howard said that's the new Memet. He said he went and vanished once when he ran out of there crying. Howard asked who did find him. They said it was Shuli. Howard said he's amazing. Memet said Shuli is one guy who would say he's not a horrible human being.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Memet is acting like he knows it all when Brent is more intelligent. Howard asked if he's crying too. The caller said a little bit. the caller said he should throw out the results of the test. He said he thinks Howard is smarter than Memet. Memet agreed with him on that.
Howard said that there are some people who are fans of Memet's. He read some email. Memet said he had a huge crush on Lisa Loeb on Twitter and he was a fan of her's but she was liking tweets where people were bashing him. Howard said he has to stay off social media.
Howard read more email about Memet and people were writing about him not using a condom and things like that. Memet said he's using them now. He said if kids are listening, use a condom. Howard said if kids are listening, fucking use a condom.
Howard had a bunch of emails he went through about Memet. Howard said some people love him and some people's blood boils. Howard said we've heard it all. He said he's pleased and delighted over this whole thing.
Howard said he was afraid that he was going to jump out a window back when he kept him off the air. He said he needed to take a time out. That's why he kept him off the air for a while.
Robin said she loved that apology and she wanted to hear it again. Howard said he won't cry in front of Robin. He said she'll laugh at him. He said he didn't cry when she was in the hospital with cancer. He said he stayed strong.
Howard said he was fine with whatever Memet said. Memet said that he considers Brent a friend. Brent said he's indifferent.
Howard said his friend is Fred. Howard asked what Fred feels about this. Fred said he feels bad for Memet. He said he doesn't seem to know when he's stepping on land mines. Memet said it's not fun or funny if you throw compliments at people. He said that's not what the show is. Howard said Memet can throw it around but he can't take it. Brent said don't go back and say you don't mean it if you say it.
Howard said it's enough. He said they did a job well done. He said he has to do the rest of the show and get out of there. Howard said he should never talk to Fred again either.
Robin asked if Scott is in the bowling group. The guys said they may have forgotten to invite him. Brent said he's the ringer in bowling. Howard said he seems like the guy who would be like that. Howard did an impression of Scott talking about bowling. He said he has a great Scott song too. Brent said Scott is the best. He asked where that song is.
Brent said he wishes he could tell the stories that Scott tells him about his life. He said he's not having a good time. He said he wishes he could get some enjoyment out of his life. Howard said the guy is just a mess.
Howard said Scott pout out a song called ''I don't wanna work all day.'' He played some of that song.
Howard said Scott is on his way in. Scott came in and said he wasn't invited for today. Howard asked why they wouldn't invite him. Scott said he can't handle it. He said he can't have fun on any days. Howard asked if his day was great yesterday. Scott said it really sucked. He said it was painful. Scott said this is a radio show so Memet shouldn't get so upset. He said things can be much worse. He said have fun there because out there...
Howard asked Scott to give him more advice. Memet said he thinks Scott is right. Howard asked how Scott's day was horrible. Scott said he can't get into it. He said it was bad... really bad. Howard asked if he can get into it at all. Scott said that he's been dealing with this for 6 years. He said he got bad news about his wife. He said that his wife is ill and it's not good. Howard said he's sorry to hear that. Memet said he's a selfless dude. Scott said he didn't mean to bring the room down. Howard said he hopes his wife will be okay. He said she's always been kind to him.
Howard said he has a picture of Scott on his phone to remind him of how bad things are. He said he and Fred have it on their phones. Howard said he wants to thank Scott for bringing the show to a grinding halt. He said he sometimes looks at his radio career and he is so on fire with it. He said Scott always represents that challenge. He said that he is his one Achilles heel. He said he can take things and make them great on the show. He said Scott walked in and he just can't do it. He said it shows he's human. Howard said only the greatest radio person could turn him into something great.
Scott said Howard makes him happy being there. Howard said he's glad that he can cheer him up. Fred said cheer up and smell the cancerous roses in his Scott voice. Howard said he's sorry to hear about his wife. Memet said how about tweeting something nice about Scott instead of something negative about him today. Howard said that's very nice.
Howard played another song parody about Scott that Scott performed about himself. Howard said that was a little redundant. He thanked Scott for coming in and said his misery is their comedy.
Scott said that this is the place to be and don't cry in there. He said just enjoy it. Memet said he can't help it.
Brent said that he has a few conversations with Scott a week. Howard said he hardly ever speaks to him. Howard said in the movie Get Out there's a scene where the guy gets sucked into a black hole. He said he can't get out. Howard said that's how he feels when Scott comes in. Howard wished Scott the best. He said he's going to get them all out of there now. Memet said he was so nervous that he destroyed his card. Howard said that's fine. He didn't want it anyway.
Howard thanked Scott for coming in and said he's one of the best radio engineers out there. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and did a live commercial read. After that they took another break. They've never done that before.
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Howard said this weather forecast is driving him out of his fucking mind. He said last night they were saying it was going to snow and it might be hard to get in. He said he was supposed to have meetings today and they canceled. He said when it snows in New York things are a mess. He said they say they don't clean it up fast enough. Howard said it's crazy. He said it's a miracle they can clean it at all.
Howard said they're predicting an inch of rain this morning and then it'll be done. There are others saying they'll get 12 inches. Robin said that's what she heard. Howard said he hates snow. He said he can't believe they live there where there is snow. He said he doesn't understand it. Robin said they'd all have to go somewhere and crowd into the warm places. Howard said he wants to do the show from Florida. Robin said it's very crowded down there. Howard said not where he is.
Howard said David Spade is coming in today. He said that he was at some Oscar parties. He said he's A-list so he was at Amy Schumer's wedding and all of that. He said that he will tell them all about that stuff. Robin said she would love to be a fly on the wall with his commentary. Howard said she will be.
Howard said he wants to catch up on a couple of things. He said he was reading about the Walking Dead losing audience. He said they're at 6.8 million. He said that's what they had this week. He said this concerns him. He said the audience is getting smaller. He said when he likes a show he sticks with it. He said he'd like to see it continue. Robin said it still has quality. Howard said he hears whispers that it's not that good. He said it is good though. He said just sit there and watch it.
Howard said he watches Homeland and it's not great every week but overall it's great. He said he thinks that Scott must be watching The Walking Dead. He said that would explain the ratings drop.
Howard said he used to stop in and talk to Richard but he won't let you out of the room. He said you have to read your audience and Richard has no ability to do that. He said he will walk away and Richard will keep talking. He said it's rude that he leaves but he has to do the show.
Howard said he was asking Richard what he eats for breakfast. He has meatballs. He said it's a lot of meat he's eating for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He said he drinks a lot too. Robin said he's always showing baby pictures. Gary said he had 3 meals of meatballs in a row and then steak.
Howard had Gary read the note he sent him. He said he had meatballs after the steak too. He said it's crazy.
Gary found they had them for like 3 days. Howard said that they used to call Richard ''Slow'' as a nickname. He said he's a slow talker even in Kansas. Howard did an impression of Richard where he talked really slow.
Richard came in and said he doesn't want to bother him like that anymore. Howard said one story would be fine if it was quick. Richard said they had these things called visits out in Kansas. He said you just sit around talking like that. Howard said it's like Floyd the Barber. He said just saying hey takes 15 minutes. Richard said they can sit for 3 or 4 hours just talking. He said it's happy stuff. He said they don't talk about bad things.
Howard said his thing is a drive by. He said that's a New York thing. Robin said Richard is showing those pictures of his son to the security guys. Richard said Otis is the best. Howard said no one cares. He said he doesn't have to show them. Richard said Dr. Drew came to say hi to him. He said he didn't want to be rude. Howard said Richard should just say ''Good, see ya later'' if someone asks how he's doing.
Howard had Will in and he said that Richard never asked to see his kid. He said he always shows him his pictures though. Richard said he did ask about his kids. Will said Richard's kid looks like every other baby.
Howard said he has to tell him what's going on. He said he does check up. He said this dumb fuck, which is what he's going to call him now, has gout. He said this guy has rich man's disease. Richard said he's not rich though.
Howard said Richard has the gout and if you know about this stuff it comes from diet. He said if you eat too much meat you get gout. He said the number 1 reason is alcohol. He said if you drink in excess you get it. He said that if you tell Richard to slow down on it then he says it's from meat and not beer. Howard said it's from drinking. Richard said he doesn't drink as much as he used to. Howard said bullshit.
Howard said when Richard went to Wing Bowl he had a lot of beer. Richard said at home he doesn't drink that much. Howard said on Super Bowl day he was drinking all day. Richard said he admitted that.
Howard said Richard's gout hit his hands. He wasn't able to use his right hand. He said he wasn't able to wipe his ass. Richard said he didn't wipe for a few days. Richard said it was taking like 15 minutes to wipe. He said he was only able to use his thumb and forefinger. Howard said he world be in such a panic if that happened to him. He said what's with the meat. Richard said he has to slow down on that. He said he's already slowed down on the beer.
Howard said Richard drinks too much and he gets shit faced when he flies. Richard said that they're bringing up all of this old stuff. Howard said this is just what he knows about. He said he has to take this as a warning. Richard said he is. Howard said he's a strong and healthy guy. He shouldn't have gout.
Howard told Richard to get out. He said he worries about him. Richard said he's working on it. Howard asked if when he shits if it feels like there's a lot left in there. Richard said he has to shake his ass sometimes. Richard said sometimes he wipes and it comes out clean. Richard said sometimes he wipes so much it gets bloody. Howard said he's going to get hemorrhoids. Richard said he knows.
Howard said Richard's favorite Papa John's got shut down for 41 health violations. Richard said there's a different one that delivers to so he's okay. Richard said he has to thank his doctor for telling him how to get rid of his gout. He said it's cherry juice and soaking his hand in warm water.
Howard took a call from a woman who said this is a build up of 20 years of drinking that led to the gout. She said it's not just from recent stuff. Howard said of course. The caller said that it's all denial and when he finally wakes up it'll be too late.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who told him to take care of himself. He said his body is a temple. Richard said he's really in trouble now. Richard said Bobby Hill had it on King of the Hill. Howard let Richard go after that.
Howard said he's a strange guy. He said he tries to get through to him. He said sometimes he just can't. He said he has to get to David Spade who just showed up. He said he is one of his favorite guests. Howard said he'll fill them in on his stories. Howard said he's a fan of David's from Saturday Night Live and his movies and more. He said he's way into his Twitter and Instagram. He said he tells him to stop giving that stuff away for free. He said he sometimes reads the paper and talks about it on social media. He said that's good stuff. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and said this is one of his favorite songs. Howard asked what that annoying sound was. Fred said that's Beetlejuice. Howard said he's in the same key.
Howard said David Spade is there. He said he has a lot going on. He said he has a new Audible book coming in July called ''A Polaroid Guy in a Snapchat World''. He said he has a new Comedy Central show coming soon too. He said he's happy to hear that.
David said he had a couple of flights that were bumped back yesterday and they don't tell you what's going on. He said they were saying it was mechanical and then saying it was the airline. He said he finally got on.
Howard asked David about going to all of the parties out in Los Angeles. David said that he gets a lot of cards from guys telling him to call them. He said that he gets that from the waiters. Howard said he got that too. He said that he was never the kind of guy that people wanted to pal around with. He said now that he's well know that guys want to hang with him. He said they constantly give him business cards and stuff. David said people want to give him their numbers. He said he doesn't like asking guys for their number. He said he doesn't want anyone asking for his number. He said any asshole in a club will come up and said he was at this other place every day. He said they ask for the number and he gives it to them. He said it's horrible. Robin asked if he changes it. Howard said he never does. He said he and David text and stuff. He said he has to be careful out there.
Howard said the guys were talking about David and if he would ever get married. He said he's been in relationships but he never married. Robin asked what the longest relationship was. David said he was in a relationship that was 3 table dances in a row.
Howard asked if he would ever consider getting married. He said he feels it's not for him. David said the demand is waning for him. David said that he is such a non PDA guy. He said that they had pictures of him in a pool with a girl recently. Howard said he went to Hawaii once and there were guys hiding in the trees.
David said Sandler was at the hotel before him and he didn't see anything so he thought he was okay. He said he went to a nice place too. Howard said they hang out at the airport but they follow you. He said they hide up in the trees. He said they shimmy up the tree. David said it's a little embarrassing. Howard asked if it's embarrassing to him. David said it's not that bad. He said they liked when he was with Heather Locklear. He said that didn't make sense and they had to go ''Huh?'' to that.
Howard said it is insulting when they comment on him getting Heather Locklear. Howard said she probably liked him a lot but she can't take the pressure being told she's an asshole for dating him.
Howard said what really impressed him was that Heather said he had a big, beautiful cock. Howard asked if that embarrassed him. David said that's not even true. He said he just has a small backdrop. Howard laughed. David said it's not that big. Howard said it's nice to have someone like that say it's nice. David said he called and thanked her for that. Howard said he talks about how small his is so women are surprised when they see it. David said they say ''Oh it's 2 inches.''
Howard said he read about Heather Locklear bit someone's nose off. David said that people will say things that can set you off. David said he's had guys hit on girls he's with. Howard said that's so wrong. David said that you go to a Vanity Fair party and you feel dumb after a while. He said you wonder what you're doing there. He said the girls all have 6 inch heels on. He said he's already a pipsqueak. He said that you go around saying hi to people you know and see people you never see. He said everyone is nice so it's fun.
Howard said it seems like a good idea to go to these things to see famous people but then he wonders what's enchanting about it. David said you're always being career checked. He said the Vanity Fair thing is big because it's people from around the world. He said you get your invite and he never paid attention to it. He said his career slowed down for a while and the PR people said don't go this year. He said he wasn't invited. He said it was the first time he wasn't invited. David said the next year he got invited but no plus 1. He said that's how they do it. He said then they say you can go at Midnight. He said it starts at 9. Howard asked if he's fucking kidding him.
Howard said he feels for the guests on talk shows who are number 2. He said he won't go on a show as the second guest. David said the first guest is supposed to be the big star. He said one time they had this girl who was kind of a dud out there so they called him in for that.
Howard said Hef used to have people send in their pictures for parties. David said he didn't know about the Vanity Fair thing and he was told he could go at like 11:30 and no plus one. He said he just didn't go. He said when you do go to that party like that you're like a salmon swimming up stream because everyone is leaving the party.
Howard said he's so glad he doesn't live in L.A. He said this party thing is rough. David said he was doing Just Shoot Me and they put him so far away at the Golden Globes. He said that he was up for Supporting Actor. He said he was up against drama actors. He said he got beat by Gregory Peck. Howard said that's something. He said he had a 90 second cameo on a show and meanwhile he's working his ass off every day of the week.
David said this year he was invited to the Vanity Fair party at 9:30 with plus 2. He said you feel stupid going to the party.
Howard asked what would happen if he never went to another party like that again. He said some intern has to be doing the party planning. David said it's probably Snooki. He said he saw Sacha Baron Cohen. Howard said he made good point about that. He said bringing a girl you're dating to that party is a tough choice because people might hit on her. David said that is a concern. He said if he was dating someone and it was hard core he might not care. He said that everyone there is cool with him. He said there are sports people and all of that. He said that if he can't do it just to impress someone.
Howard said it's tough to have guys looking at him thinking they can get his girl. Howard said when he started dating Beth it was the craziest thing. He said he has some names of famous guys he went to dinner with who were hitting on her. He said this one guy looked at him and said ''I don't get it...'' He said he didn't get how he got Beth. He said he wasn't even joking. Howard said he was so weirded out that he thought he should be with her instead of him. He said that guys would get up and follow her to the bathroom.
Howard said it can really fuck with your head. David said he's no prize himself. He said he's a 6 or 7. Howard said he's a 5. David said girls are good about that stuff. Howard said some of these guys look like they were hit by a bus. He said that he must be really bad if they think they're better than him.
David said that he used to bring buddies with him to the parties. He said he would bring the booker from the Comedy Store with him. He said he's a good looking dude and he's not pushy. Howard asked if he's afraid that they're going to see these people and not invite him back. David said he does have some people like that. He said you have to call and give the names. David said it's the same thing at restaurants. He said some places you can call and get right in. He said there's one place he goes that he can get in all the time. He said he brought two really ''unfamous'' guys with him once and they wanted him out of there. He said it was just the one night though. He said they were asking if they liked their dinner and they were still eating. David said that they were sending him dessert to get them out of there early. He said he saw Fetty Wap looking at him with that one eye. He said then they shuffle him off and seat him.
Howard said he's been in that scene and it's all an evaluation. Howard said he saw that Neil Patrick Harris was on Kimmel last night. He said he figured he's still famous. He said that it's like that even at restaurants. Howard said he might get a clunker where they don't even know how he is and then he's wondering if he has to go back to regular radio.
Howard said he'd love to see who makes the decisions at the Vanity Fair party. David said he's sure they have a board up with pictures taped to it. Howard asked if the Vanity Fair party is the ultimate invite. David said it is very hard in the scope of the year of things going on. Howard said he imagines there are very famous women there. David said that there are. He said he talks to people for 2 minutes and bails so they can go talk to other people. Howard said he knows his audience. He said everyone has their eye on who they're talking to.
David said he goes and he'll just people watch at the party. He said that some one will come up to him and say hi and these people seem to really like you. Howard said he has done that too but he locks in with people and doesn't stop talking.
David said he saw Howard's buddy Adam Levine there. He said he said hi and they talked for a while. He said he's a real dude too so that was nice. He said Sarah was there too so you know them through the show in a way. He said it's easier to go up to them if you listen to the show and hear their names. Howard asked if he gives them a Baba Booey or a ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' David said that's too easy.
Howard said he felt that when he was invited to Ellen's 60th birthday party it was a lot of pressure. David said it's interesting to talk about. He said it sounds name dropping but people want to hear about what it's like. David said he'll do a funny version of what happened. He said he got baked with some rappers and Jennifer Lawrence was there. Howard said he'd love to ride into the party with her. David said that guy got baked and then he passed it along to him. He said it was French Montana who passed it on to him. He said he's not even a smoker. He said when people offer you drugs you want to be cool about it. He said he'll turn down coke even when he's scared like a mouse. He said someone will offer him heroin and he'll ask what time it is. He said he'll go off and say find him in a half hour.
David said that he isn't the guy to even take pain killers. Howard said the weed he smoked really wrecked him. David said it did. He said that it might have angel dust in it for all he knows. He said he took a picture of the second one he took. He said he coughed for like 45 minutes.
Howard asked if he was trying to be cool in front of Jennifer. David said he was being nice and taking the hit. He said all of the girls were looking at him. He said he said to Jennifer that he had to go out back. He said she asked if he was just walking away. David said it just flattened his brain. He said it hit him so hard. He said he didn't know what to do.
Howard asked how these guys smoke it and don't get wrecked like that. David said he was spinning from it. He said he saw Oprah there too. Howard said he had that vision of going to talk to her. David said he went to her and then went right and didn't talk to her.
Howard said that he thinks he's going to find a girl at every party. He said he needs someone famous to date. David said he isn't against it. He said that when he left the party he was so bananas. He said he went down to the elevators and saw this actor who dates a younger actress. Gary said it's that woman from the Charlie Sheen show. Howard asked what her name is. Gary didn't remember. It was Holland Taylor according to Fred. David said that he was talking to them and said something about their feet barking and they just said Yeah and he ran off.
Howard said he had fun hanging with David out in L.A. He asked how his house is. David said it's good. Howard asked what happened with the robbery. David said his maid robbed him about 4 years ago. He said that his assistant tried to kill him. Howard said he had to defend himself with a shotgun in his own home. He said he could have lost his life that night. David said he got tasered. He said he knew the guy for 3 years. Howard said he just had another robbery. David said he did. He said that he had workers there for about a month and he thought they were casing the joint. He said the cops were asking if he had anything expensive in his safe. He said he said he just had some Cheesecake factory menus in there. He said they were asking if he knew anyone who needed money. He said he offered to forward them his whole contact list.
Howard asked what he had in his safe. David said he had 30 grand in cash and a bunch of other stuff stuffed in there. David said he had his mom's two wedding rings in there too. Howard asked if they caught the criminal. David said not a chance. Howard said they bought a house and there was a safe in the house. He said these guys would see the safe and assumed it was something worth robbing. He said his dad left it open to show that it was empty. He said he'd never have a safe in his house.
David said that they hit like 20 houses in his area. He said they pay off a crew who works there or something.
Howard asked what kind of guns he had. David said he knows there's a gun thing right now but he's all for having a gun. Howard said he should talk about it. He said a lot of people he talks to don't get why people have a gun. Howard said the police can't be with you 100 percent of the time. Howard said you can't have security with you all the time either. David said that his assistant was one of those people and he needed a gun for that. He said most people aren't in that situation. He said some people have a gun somewhere and the bullets somewhere else. He said people have road rage and people would get out of their cars and want to beat you up. He said he has to have that gun to even things out.
Howard said David's story is an important one to tell. He said that he was being attacked in his home and he had to have that gun or it could have been a bad ending. David said he got tasered twice and he put up a good fight. He said he fought him in the driveway and then he got back into the house. He said he got the gun out from under his bed and it was all over after that. He said he didn't have to use it and he would have hated to have had to. Howard said he's glad he tells that story. He said he's not a political guy but he's glad he told that story.
Howard asked how his relationship is with Adam Sandler. David said it's good. He said that he's doing a show with Adam for Netflix. He said that it's just him in the show and Adam isn't in it.
Howard asked David about what he's up today. He said he's doing these little things on Twitter an Instagram. Howard said he asks him why he does it there when he could be doing the jokes in a TV show. Howard said he was glad to see he was doing the show for comedy Central. He said the show will be something like that. He said there are some things that will be like that. He said he likes that and he has people watching it. He said he could charge a nickel for that stuff and people would freak out. Howard said the expectation must be high for the Comedy Central show. David said that he sent Beth some of the stuff he does. Howard said they really like it. David said that this is only about social media. He said they'll show funny stuff and they'll do commentary on this stuff.
Howard asked David about the Showbiz Show he did on Comedy Central. He said that was for like 3 years. He said he liked that.
David said if you do a clever joke and you put a spin on it then it's okay to joke about someone. Howard said he got it from a guy he's a huge fan of. Howard said he said something really complimentary about this guy and he direct messaged him. He said he said that he was really hammering him. Howard said he loves the guy and he didn't know what he was talking about. Howard said he didn't say a negative thing about the guy. He said he loves the guy. Howard said when you do shows like this you can get that kind of stuff.
David said that one of the bits they're going to do is about DMs and he gets them all day long from people all over the world. He said they could have someone like Cardi B come on and read them. He said he was talking to some girl the other day and she was talking about what a clever guy he is and stuff like that. She wanted to meet him after a show. He said she said no sex of course. He said that's a hard pass. He said he doesn't really answer her. He said she tells him she's at the show and then he's heading home and she messages him again and says sex is on the table. He said that he wakes up to leave the next day and she had written ''Anal?'' He said it's so funny how things go. He said he told some friends that they should keep a few to read on the show.
Howard said in the age of #MeToo you have to be careful who you go with. David said it's scary. He said this Catch Me Outside girl is a tough chick with huge boobs. He said that he went to take a picture with her and he thought she'd know him from somewhere. He said she was with her mom and a body guard. He said she's like 14 but looks 30. David said they talked and took pictures and it was fine. He said a couple days later he put the picture up and he gave her a little slam. He said that it was taken 5 minutes after she stopped being famous. He said that his regular picture gets 20 or 30 likes. This one was 30,000. He said that people were fighting because he made fun of her. He said her fans were fighting with his fans. He said they were like bees buzzing out. He said she put it up the next day. She said she put up. ''Who dis? Thought you was my waiter.'' David said she has 10 million followers and he has 1 million. He said that people said she's more famous. He said the numbers kept climbing for the photo. He said it was like 300,000. He said that this whole world is weird because she's like Madonna in that world.
Howard said that he once said something about Britney Spears and people were freaking out about that. Howard said he knows she gets a plus 8 to the Vanity Fair party but he can't compete.
Howard said that Dave Chappelle has all of these great stand up specials on Netflix and it's amazing. He said he's very impressed with him. David said that he's a fan. He said he has some good angles. Howard said he finds his stuff very good. David said it's tough doing stand up. He said that he leaves some of that political stuff alone. He said it's very touchy to do the social issues.
Howard said if he had a thought about Trump then he'd squash that. David said that it's tough. He said he doesn't think that he can do jokes about everyone.
Howard said Chappelle is using the N-word all the time now. David said you have to be careful with that. He said you can have free speech but you have to be careful with what you say. Howard said that everyone is a critic. He said that it's become a much trickier business. David said he jokes about stuff and he will do a joke about walking down the street with a 7 year old daughter and you can't say anything because you'll come off as a pervert. He said if you're in a comedy club then you can do it. He said you can talk about anything but then people get them in trouble. He said that he says you should be able to do anything on stage. He said he was doing a Haiti benefit and he was joking about the country. He said they're like the Fugees and he likes it but doesn't love it anymore. He said people take it so seriously that they don't get that he's joking. He said it's all jokes and you have to joke.
David said that any tragedy his friends can have a joke about it in 15 minutes. He said you can't even get that on stage and say it for a long time. He said long story short, his act is terrible.
Howard said he went on and made jokes about OJ after it happened and he got a lot of flack for that from David Letterman. Howard said that knocked the wind out of him. He said after that he had to say that it was hard for him.
David told Howard about going to a party and there's a live auction there. He said they want you to bid on them and they rich shame you into bidding. He said it was for Haiti. He said that you can take a rocket ship to Mars and things like that. He said that you can go kayaking with Bill Clinton and things like that. He said he bid on a Springsteen show with front row tickets. He said that he was talking to a girl about how he might drop 20-30K tonight. He said then he was asking if she likes McCartney. He said she didn't know who they were or even Maroon 5. He said then they start bidding and he was holding up his paddle to bid. He said he's doing his thing and they get to the Springsteen tickets and they start it at 50 grand. He said his paddle went right down. David said that this girl must have thought he was lame. He said they were asking if he wanted to go up in his bid. He said then it was up to 100 and they went back to him asking if he was going to 100. David said everyone was looking at him again so he bid 100. He said that the tickets were probably 900 bucks. He said that they went to get more bids and no one was bidding. He said that they were going back to him and they wanted 125,000. He said they didn't let him leave until he gave them all of his information.
David said he went back this year and he didn't want to bid. He said the Khaleesi was there this year. He said that Brad Pitt was there too. He said he bid 5 grand to watch Game of Thrones with her. He said that the bids started at 50 grand again. He said it was going and going and then it gets to 120 grand. He said then Brad Pitt goes to 130. He said that it's the two most beautiful people in the world. He said then some Harvey Weinstein like guy bids 160 and it's sold. Howard said that's the start of the perfect romance story. He said that Brad bids on her and then they meet. He said she must have been all charged up. Then it's yanked from her.
David said that he got a car for 40 grand there. He said he did want to participate. He said he had a super cool Mustang that he got. Howard said this poor guy shouldn't go to that event again. He said he's given enough.
Howard asked if he watches The bachelor. David said he does. Howard said he does some funny stuff about the show. David said it's so funny to watch. He said he watched and they get down to the girls and he tells the last three he's in love with them. He said he knows that you can't do that. He said that doesn't work. He said then he hooks up with all three of them. He said he winds up proposing to the one girl and then dumps her 5 week later.
Howard asked if he's a fan of Louis C.K.. He asked if he thinks he could make a come back. David said this is dicey to talk about. He said he doesn't know him well. He said he knows him from the clubs. David said he's a New York guy. He said he might be able to come back. He said he was so insulated in the way he would perform that he didn't go through Ticketmaster. He said he direct emails his fans and all of that. He said that he could rent out a warehouse and charge for tickets and do shows. He said he thinks that way you're not disturbing anything. He said that you're not putting Ticketmaster in a weird situation. He said that he could make a comeback that way.
Howard said he imagines he pays for dinner a lot when he goes out. He said he heard about going out to dinner with the cast of Just Shoot Me and they wanted him to pay. David said they all rotate. He said they all still hang out too. Howard said that's shocking to him. David said he's a nice guy and he likes to hang out. He said that he's going to see Colin Quinn out here. He said he sees him a lot. He said he's going to make sure he's okay. Howard said he sent Colin a plant and he wrote back he didn't understand the whole plant thing. Howard said he likes Colin a lot.
Howard said he heard David was held up for 45 minutes going to a meeting because of the Brent and Memet thing. David said he went to do this thing and he was waiting in his car. He said Howard was milking that. He said that he pulled over and waited for it and he kept it going for another 15 minutes. He said he had to leave during the drum roll.
Howard said that was a lot of fun. Howard said he's done it all. David was eating a protein bar. Howard said he's still in good shape. David said he gained 20 pounds doing the movie Grown Ups. He said he was told he's getting in that Val Kilmer look according to Chris Rock. Howard said it's a funny thing with Chris. He said now that he's single he must be dating. Robin said he talks about it in his special. Howard said he's just dating one girl. David said he is. Howard said he thinks he should be dating more than one girl. David said he doesn't know. He said he thinks some guys are girlfriend guys. He said he has a girl who pays attention to him. He said he gets someone normal and cool so stick with her.
Howard took a call from a woman who claimed to be the girl from The Bachelor. She talked about wanting to cut off Arie's dick and shoving it up his ass.
Howard gave David some plugs for his Audible book ''A Polaroid Guy in a Snapchat World'' and asked if he's doing that without writing something. David said it's harder than you think. He said that he can't even do a whole book about Saturday Night Live. He said he came up with the idea and then he has to write the whole book and read the whole thing. He said it's anything from dating to dogs. Howard said he should talk about The Bachelor because he's good with that. Howard said people were upset about them filming the break up. Howard said these people love being on TV and they don't have any discernible talent. He said that of course they're going to record it. David and Howard talked about what was going on with that break up.
Howard gave David some more plugs and wrapped up with him. He said that he book is coming out July 19th. Howard said his new series ''Verified with David Spade'' is going to be on Comedy Central. Robin asked if it's weekly or daily. David said they just announced it yesterday so they don't even know yet.
Howard said he heard he had a car accident and he was dinged up from that. David said he got t-boned and flew across. He said he's okay though.
Howard said he has Ralph on the phone and he wants to talk to him. David said he sort of knows him from hanging out back in the day. Ralph said that they used to hang out and they were treated like kings until Howard left. He said then they'd be dropped. Howard said that they'd turn to Ralph and tell him he had to leave. Ralph said they were sitting there once and they put a reserved note on the table. He said they really wanted them out of there. Howard said if they knew that he had that action figure collection they never world have done that. Howard wrapped up and let David go after that.
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Howard came back and did a live commercial read. After that he said it was great to see David Spade. He said he has a lot of fun and laughs. He said he loved that Khaleesi story. He said she must have been pissed about that. He said David has great stories. He said he's a good guy too. He said he came in at the last minute. He said they talk off the air and he was just coming into New York to visit Colin Quinn. He said he flew all the way in for that. He said he told him to just come in whenever he wants to come in.
Gary said Benjy came to him and he said that Robin borrowed money off of him and he's worried that he won't get it. Robin said she has the money. She said she didn't want to welsh on her bet so she borrowed it. She said she has the money with her today. Robin said she went to two banks and one didn't have any cash. Robin said she would give it to him with interest but he didn't want that.
Howard said Robin should have paid him back right away. Robin said she just gets in so early and he shows up right before the show so she doesn't know when he's there.
Howard said it's time for some news. He played her into it with a song parody about her knockers. Howard said that's a great song about Robin. Robin said he's ruining his credibility with music when he says that. Robin said that was not a great parody of The Ramones.
Howard said Benjy walks around with a plastic bag full of money, condoms and other stuff. He doesn't have a wallet. He said that's why Robin should pay him right back.
Robin said she was watching a story about a guy who had a bag full of $30,000 cash and $120,000 worth of jewelry. The bag went missing when he got into a fight. Robin said stop walking around with cash like that. She said she never carries cash.
Howard said that Benjy is walking around with a bag full of cash. He said it's probably $5 in singles. He said how about getting a wallet or a man bag. Benjy came in and Howard told him he didn't want to talk. Benjy said he works out a lot and it pulls his pants down when he has a wallet. He had a Ziploc bag full of his stuff instead. Howard said get a bag. Benjy said he would never leave that stuff in a locker so he has to be able to put it in his pants. Benjy said he has his essentials with him. Howard said okay and goodbye. Benjy said the wallet drags everything else off his body. Howard said he better get his money now or Robin will forget. Howard told him to get a bag and a wallet.
Howard asked what that was about his sister. Will said Benjy wanted to speak on the last show and his sister did but he didn't get to so his sister confronted him. Howard said he doesn't want to get into it.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked him for his week of radio. He said that was a great David Spade interview too. Howard thanked him for that.
Robin started her news with a story about how it's Spread the Word to End the Word: R-Word day. Robin said that they used the R-word on the show today. Robin said that The Lump used the word Retard today and that's the word she's talking about. Robin said they're urging people to take a pledge to end the use of the word in every day speech. Howard said he ended that on the show a while ago. He said Wendy the Slow Adult wants to be called Wendy the Retard. Howard said Gary the Conqueror is pissed too. He said you try to do the right thing and they get mad. Howard did a live commercial read after telling The Lump to stop using that word.
Robin read a story about Paris Jackson and asked if Howard saw the pictures of her. Howard said he did. Robin said he was right when he called it saying she's hot. Howard said she is. Robin said he's about to make her film debut too. Robin said she'll be in a film with Charlize Theron. Robin said David Oyelowo is also in the film. Howard said she wants to be an actress because it's fun. He said he doesn't know about that. Robin said she just wants to be famous like her dad. Howard said he'd love to talk to her about her upbringing. Robin said she spent a lot of time away. She had some very public problems and had some counseling. Howard said that's the kind of girl he can get. Robin said the movie is out March 9th. Howard said he hopes she's a bad actress. He said so many people want to be actors and they don't have the cash.
Robin read a story about Kevin Love talking about his battles with panic attacks and depression. Robin said he's out talking about that and she applauds him for doing that. Howard said good for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to know if he's watching Jessica Jones season 2. Howard said of course he is. He said he loves all of the Marvel shows. He said he loves that they're making them. He said he likes the girl who plays Jessica Jones. He said he wishes they'd use more superpowers. He said he loves that she's good looking. He said you have to show them kicking ass sometimes. He said he's sick and tired of super heroes taking the bus. He said they have to get that together. He said he will watch that show. He said regular people are boring. Howard said the Punisher was good too but a lot of the show was him not wanting to kill people. He said he's the Punisher so he has to kill people.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if they're trying to get Jared Leto on the show. Howard said he would have him on, sure. He said they're not actively seeking him but he would have him in. He said he remembers watching him on My So Called Life with Claire Danes. Howard asked how old the caller, Bella, is. She said she's 45. Howard said he reportedly has a huge penis. Bella said that she has noticed. She said you can see it in concert. Howard asked if she's ever fantasized about him taking her with his huge penis. Bella said no. She said she has not. Robin asked what her favorite song is. She said The Kill. Howard said his band is 30 Seconds to Mars. Howard asked if she wants him to take her back stage. She said no. Howard asked if she's a hot chick. Bella said she thinks so. Howard asked who she looks like. She said she knew he'd ask her that. She didn't have an answer. Howard asked if she's chubby. She said she's in pretty good shape. Howard asked if she would ever take her top down and flash a tittie. She said she wouldn't. She said she's going to the concert with her daughter. Howard said she just ruined everything and said goodbye.
Robin said that Meg Ryan and John Mellencamp are a couple again. Robin said they're back together. Howard said he's taking credit for that. Then he asked why he would do that. Robin said they talked about it on the show with John.
Robin read a story about how the ratings for E! and their red carpet coverage with Ryan Seacrest were down by 43 percent. Howard said of course they were. He said they should have known that was going to happen. Howard said Ryan worked so hard to never say anything offensive and now this. He said he never even said anything funny. Robin said that Ryan is denying this allegation and he claims she's trying to shake him down for money. Robin said the woman is asking him to show her where she's ever tried to shake him down. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the French government coming up with a law saying that no one under 15 can consent to sex. Howard said he'll go along with that. Robin said they don't currently have a law about the age of consent. Robin said the law was proposed when some 11 year old girls were in the news.
Robin said that McDonald's is putting fresh beef in their Quarter Pounders. Howard said when he went there in his younger years he went there for the shitty food. He said that they're saying now that they won't serve you that shit. He said they're going to use fresh meat. Howard said no one is looking for fresh meat there. He said they want that shitty frozen meat they sell. Howard said if he wants good meat he'll go to Jean George or somewhere like that. Robin said all of the other burgers are going to have the frozen stuff.
Howard said that Jon Hein is staging a sit in about that. Robin asked how he feels about that. Jon said Howard is 100 percent correct and he doesn't want them to change it. Howard said this guy knows. Robin said he's an authority on fast food. Howard said what's great about McDonald's is that it's not like real meat. Robin said you can't get that taste anywhere else. Jon said if they mess with the formula it's a bad move. Howard said you can get fresh meat somewhere else. Jon agreed. He said he's fired up and ready to do that sit in.
Robin said they put out that list of biggest billionaires and Jeff Bezos is the world's richest man. Robin said he's worth $112 billion. Howard said he would love to be a billionaire. He said his kids think he is and he's really not even close. Howard said he would love to have $112 billion. He said that would just be his security blanket. Robin said he has one. Howard said not really. He said that guy Bezos earned that money. Robin said they are thinking of coming out with some way to have Amazon checking. Howard said good. He said this guy must work 24/7. Howard said Jeff Bezos keeps all of his money in a plastic bag like Benjy. He said he can't believe he gets into discussions like that with Benjy. He said he never kept anything his locker as a kid. He said he just carried it all with him. He said he was a child though. He said this guy is a grown man. He said he's never heard of such nonsense. He said he's not even sure what he's talking about here. He said this wasn't an issue until 5 seconds ago.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked why Robin didn't borrow money from Fred or someone instead of Benjy. She asked how come no one has called Simon Cowell out about what he's done during this whole thing. Howard asked how some people go unscathed. She said it in a few different ways. Howard said she loves him so much that she thinks about Simon too much. Howard said he doesn't think about Simon at all. Howard said there is zero reason for him to fuck his buddy's wife on a boat. Howard said that's a sickness. Howard said it's just a desire to have everything. He said that Simon couldn't handle the fact that he was on America's Got Talent. He said he had to have that job. He said he didn't need that job and he didn't need his buddy's wife. Howard spent a few minutes going off on Simon. He had a fake Simon on the phone that he talked to for a short time too. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Jeff Bezos being the firs centabillionaire. Howard said he wants to be that. He asked why she's rubbing that in.
Robin read a story about Jimmy Kimmel responding to the President's criticism of the Oscars. Howard said you don't want to get into a Twitter war with Jimmy. Robin had some audio of Kimmel talking about the tweets and how he responded with ''Thanks lowest rated President...'' Howard had fake Sarah Huckabee Sanders on the phone to respond to that and other things. Howard spent a few minutes with her.
Robin read a story about Stormy Daniels suing the president over that agreement she signed to keep quiet about the affair she had with him. Robin had some audio of her lawyer talking about how Trump didn't sign the agreement so she should be free to talk. Robin said she got the $130,000 but he never singed it so it's an invalid agreement. Howard said she got the money though. Robin said he didn't sign so it's invalid. Robin had more audio for Howard to play. Robin read a story about how there might be a rift in the presidential marriage over that.
Robin said that the President was talking about the turmoil in his cabinet and saying that a lot of people want those jobs there. Robin said that he claims that the reports that no one wants to work with him are untrue. He said everyone wants to work in the Oval Office.
Robin read a story about Oprah Winfrey being on Late Night with Stephen Colbert. Robin had some audio of Oprah talking about how she would know if God wanted her to run for President. They had God there in the show giving her a sign. Howard said celebrities have too good a life. He said they want to be hanging out with their celebrity buddies. He said she doesn't need that.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who had Jon Hein audio book clips where he was talking about McDonald's. Howard spent a short time talking to the audio clips.
Robin read a story about Cynthia Nixon considering running for governor of New York. Robin said she may challenge Governor Cuomo. Robin had some audio of Cuomo responding to the story. Howard said he likes Governor Cuomo but he also likes Sex and the City. He said he would stick with Cuomo because he knows how he's going to do things. He said he has no idea what the cast of Sex and the City are going to do.
Howard took a call from fake Oprah Winfrey who was talking about the run for president. Howard let her go after a short time. He said he doesn't have time for that.
Robin read a story about Heather Locklear who was arrested for domestic violence last weekend. Robin said that she is entering a facility for treatment. Robin said that they say she was uncooperative and battled the arresting officers.
Robin read a story about Tommy Lee being assaulted by his son. Robin said that his son allegedly knocked him unconscious and ran away. Robin said that's the kid he had with Pam Anderson. Robin said this is Brandon Lee. She said that people are saying that Brandon swung in self defense when a drunk Tommy Lee got into it with him. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Today's show was over around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.