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Howard started the show talking about how he felt so old going to the doctor and she said they have to check that type of thing ''at your age.'' Robin sounded surprised he had a female doctor. Howard said he does.
Howard said President George Herbert Walker Bush passed away. He said he loves watching people struggle with his name. He said they call him Herbert instead of George Bush. He said it's so annoying. He said they know the younger one is still alive. He said he just calls him the dead Bush.
Howard said he was listening to the obituaries for him and they did one at the Knicks game. He said it was kind of classy. He said he was at the best Knick game of the year. He said they won in overtime against Milwaukee. He said he sat next to Jon Stewart and his son. He said Howie Mandel was there but he was like 50 rows back there. He said he was shocked he was so far back there. He said he wouldn't be able to go there sitting back there. He said it would be his place in show business being evaluated. He said he'd rather watch it on TV. He said he's so caught up in things. He said Jon Stewart was the first one to go up on the big screen. He said that they put you on that Jumbotron. He said Jon was up and he got a nice round of applause. Howard said he will never admit this in public but he waited to see if he got better applause. He said that they introduced him with a Private Parts clip which is an honoring. He said that was nice. He said they didn't do that for Jon.
Robin asked if there were other famous people there. Howard said he met Dustin Hoffman and his son there. Robin said he did the show once. Howard said he didn't know that. Gary said he called into the show once when someone asked him to call in for a contest. Robin said she's seen him on the street and he remembers it fondly. Howard said he didn't remember that. He said he thought he was talking to him for the first time. He said he has no memory for anything. He said he's not impressed when he talks to someone famous so he doesn't hold that in his head. Howard said Dustin told him his son is a big fan. He said his son started listening at 13 and his father turned him on to it.
Howard said he was so hungry and he thought the game was going to be a blow out. He said around halftime they left. He said he missed the best game. He said a couple of friends wrote him and said he was at the best game ever. He said he left in the middle of it. He said he's an asshole. Robin asked if he went upstairs and had food. Howard said no because he wanted to go out to eat. He said they had dinner plans.
Howard said his wife had the North Shore Animal League thing. His voice cracked so he was going crazy over that.
Howard said the guy on Milwaukee whose name was hard to say was Giannis Antetokounmpo. He said Jon knew how to say it. Howard said the players on the Knicks don't say hi to him. He said he thinks it's a racial thing. He said if he's sitting with Tracy Morgan they'll say hi.
Howard said the guy who is playing Aquaman, Jason Momoa, is with Lisa Bonet. He said that's taboo. He said that she's black and he's white or something. He said that fascinates him. Robin said that's silly. Howard said Lenny Kravitz must be going nuts over that. Howard said Lisa Bonet looks like she'd be into witchcraft and go into the woods and do stuff.
Howard said he was thinking of kneeling during the National Anthem at the game to get the players to talk to him. He said that the game was good and the Knick City Dancers were good. He said he likes to see people who can dance. He said he didn't want people thinking he was looking at their tits and vagina. He said he was evaluating their dancing. He said he thinks about everything and he can't just enjoy himself.
Howard said maybe next time he'll go to the game in blackface to get some players to respond to him.
Howard asked Fred to find the song ''Baby, It's Cold Outside.'' Fred found Idina Menzel and Michael Buble singing the song. Howard had him play it for a short time. Howard listened to the lyrics and he got annoyed with it and said turn that shit off. Howard said it's hard to understand. He said he's not sure what they're singing.
Robin said she can see how people could think it's kind of rapey. Howard said the guy is just singing about how he loves the woman. He had Fred play more of it but he kept getting annoyed.
Howard had a version of the song with Harvey Weinstein clips in it that he played. Howard said how about if Tan Mom and Sal did it. He had that song to play too. He said those two are good. Robin said she sang ''Listen to the fireplace.'' Howard played more of the song.
Gary came in with the lyrics but Howard said he didn't care. He told Gary to read him a part that's kind of creepy. Gary had a few things that were kind of weird but Howard said it's not about a guy raping a woman. Robin said they're just being extra sensitive.
Howard said this Cleveland station stopped playing the song because people thought it was kind of predatory. Howard said the station pulled it after receiving one call from a listener who thought it was inappropriate. Howard said the song was written in the 40s and the guy was trying to lure her to stay. Robin said she finds it odd that he's not going to take her home. She said he could take her home instead of hoping she can catch a cab.
Howard took a call from one of the guys in the back who said this is a rape song and he rapes women to the song. He said it's the best song to rape to.
Howard said he and Beth and her brother and his wife went to the game. He said his brother in law sat next to Jon Stewart. He said Jon knows a lot about basketball. He said he's glad he didn't sit next to him because his brother in law is a big sports guy and he knows how to talk man talk. He said he's ultra Femme. He said he can't talk sports.
Howard said Jon asked him what pronoun to use with him. He wasn't sure what he should be called. He said he was trying to jump into the conversation and they referred to him as Zim.
Howard said Beth was two rows back. He said he was kind of surprised but there was a lot of action going on at the Garden. He said some of the guys were wearing one tight on one leg. Robin said that's a wrap. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there. He said that's a whole thing. He said it's all nonsense.
Howard said he gave a nod to Walt Frazier. He said that he acknowledges him. He said that he'll say to his brother in law that's Clyde. He said he just says that and that's about it for his basketball discussion. He said he doesn't know anything about the specifics. He said that he doesn't know what to say. Robin said this sounds like torture to her. Howard said it is. He said he doesn't know what to say.
Howard said he didn't see Dustin Hoffman go up on the big screen at the game. He said that he did see his own introduction and he thinks he deserves that applause from New Yorkers.
Howard said they did the moment of silence for George H.W. Bush and he was thinking about how great he was. He said he was a veteran and he signed up and became a pilot at 18. He said he can't even figure out the math of that. He said it must take years to learn to fly but he got shot down at 18. He said it would take him 5 years to learn. He said then he got rescued and they have that on film. He said that guy was brave. He said he was the head of the CIA and he did the smartest thing. He said they had to get the Iraqis to stop attacking Kuwait and they were in and out in 25 days. He said that they didn't fuck around. Howard said he was so smart.
Howard said that guy was a gentleman too. He said Robin wanted to fuck him too. Robin said she met him and she had the chance to interview him when he was running against Reagan. Howard said he was 65 or so and Robin was a young woman at the time. He said she was in her sexual prime. Howard said she said she would fuck that guy. Howard said he gets it now.
Robin said he was a charming and delightful person. She said he made you feel like you belonged in that room. Robin said he was such a nice guy. She said her friends said ''oh no'' when they heard that. Robin said they were upset that they didn't agree with his politics. Robin said you can get along even if you don't agree with their politics.
Robin said that Secretary of Defense James Baker was talking about George dying and he claims he told George they were going to go see Barbara and his other dead family members when he dies. Howard said he was like ''Oh boy.'' He said that he wondered what happens when you go up there and see your dead 3 year old and if they recognize you and all of that. He said he's trying to remember this guy George Bush and they're talking about how he's going to see Barbara. Howard said Robin doesn't want to go see her dad up there.
Howard said George Bush once vomited on the Prime Minister of Japan. He said that's kind of cool. He said he forgot about that. Howard said when you do that it's a sign of respect.
Howard said it was quite the celebrity row out there at the game. He said he did leave halfway though the game. He said he was getting hungry though. He said he eats early. He said he hates seeing people shoving food in their faces at the game too.
Howard asked Fred what that sound was. Fred said he had his pot up when he should have had it down. Howard asked what he's doing over there. Fred said he was checking some email. Howard asked why he does that during the show. Fred said he does that. Howard said he's never given him an email during the show. Fred said he has.
Howard forgot about what he was talking about. Robin reminded him he was talking about his balls. Howard said Joan Jett was at the North Shore thing. He said she did a whole concert there. He said she was supposed to just do a couple of songs. He said she was awesome. He said she did some of her big tunes there.
Howard said Elvis Duran was honored there at the event. He said that he's a big animal guy. He said he heard Elvis was talking about him earlier that morning. Howard played a clip of Elvis talking about how nervous he was to meet him at the event. He said he saw Elvis there at the red carpet and he wasn't even looking at him. He said that he went over to see the guy and said he heard about what he said about him. He said Elvis told him he was shitting his pants. He said he kind of turned away from him. He said that was it. He said he didn't really talk to the guy. He said maybe he really was nervous. He said it was weird to be there next to the guy and the guy was talking about how much he admires him and then he wouldn't talk to him. Robin said that people do get freaked out. She said that it's too much for them and they're too in awe of a person. Robin said he must have wanted to just quit at Hello.
Howard said he was supposed to go home and learn this song that Fred wrote for him to sing. He said he just didn't want to do that. Gary said he contacted a very big producer, Mark Ronson, to help out with this song. Howard said he'll work with him. He said he asked Gary to contact someone like that to help out with the song. He said he needs someone who knows what the kids want to hear. He said people were mentioning guys from the 60s but they don't know what the kids like. He said it has to be something that the kids are into.
Howard said it's an ear worm. He said it gets stuck in your head. Fred had part of the song where Tan Mom sings the ''Which I wouldn't do.'' Howard asked to hear more of that. Fred had a longer clip where Tan Mom is singing about her life.
Howard said it's the catchiest song he's ever heard. Robin said she understands what it means now. She said she thinks that she was singing to her public and when you see her out she can be gruff and off putting so you may not know what she's been through in her life. She said she's getting better but she's had a tough time.
Howard said they are debuting the music video on the app on Wednesday. He said he's seen it and it's unbelievable. He said they're going to break the app. He said if you don't have the app then get it. Howard said Shuli described the video as ''Epic.'' Howard said he hasn't discussed this with him yet.
Shuli came in and said that the video was shot like a big time video. He said they shot it at a mansion. Shuli said she's all decked out walking around this mansion. Howard said it's great. He said she's wearing wigs and wearing different outfits. He said there's a lot of Adam Barta in it too. Shuli said that bothered her for a while. He said she was asking who he is and why he's in it. Howard said he sings 90 percent of the song.
Howard asked Shuli to do the part of the song where she's kind of arguing with herself. Shuli did the song as Tan Mom. Howard said he can't get enough of his Tan Mom. Shuli did more of the song as Tan Mom. Howard said she's kind of like Trump and people are prosecuting her. Howard said she's turned into the Rich Little of useless impressions. Robin said they're all from the Wack Pack. Shuli said he's like Donnie Brasco and he's in too deep.
Howard asked if he does nay other impressions. Shuli said he does Bobcat Goldthwait. He did some of that for him. Howard said even Bobcat doesn't do that voice anymore. He said he saw Bobcat in an interview talking about how he dropped all of that.
Howard asked who else he does. Shuli did his Elephant Boy impression. He had Howard laughing at that.
Howard said he does that 'Gina Man impression. He said he was talking to his daughters about how they had to punish Sal with smegma and he had to tell them about that. He said then he was doing his 'Gina Man impression and once he starts doing it he can't stop. He said he was doing it for his wife and then for his brother in law who was cracking up. He said guys will laugh at that every fucking time.
Shuli said he does Jeff the Drunk too. He said he'll walk around doing that impression. Howard had him do some of that. Shuli did more of his Tan Mom impression where she sings softly and then does that yelling singing thing.
Shuli said he had Jeff call him last week and left this message. He did an impression of Jeff telling him about this girl he was following and asking if he should send a clip to the show. He said no and Jeff yelled at him.
Howard said he was listening to Shuli doing the low voice High Pitch Erik thing. Shuli did some of that impression. Howard said he's still able to be High Pitch but then he breaks into that low voice. Shuli did that and had Howard laughing. Howard said he could do a Wack Pack one man show. Shuli said Lisa G told him that he should do that.
Howard said he was thinking he could do a one man show talking about his life and he could do his impression of his dad and mom. He did some of what that would sound like.
Howard went through the voices that Shuli can do. He said he's like an employable Sour Shoes. Shuli did some of his Angry Alice impression but Howard said that sounds like Shuli doing a really bad black person. Shuli did his Elliot Offen impression too. Howard laughed at that one.
Howard said that guy was a lot to take. He said Shuli could do a show and he could jump in as 'Gina Man. He did that impression while Shuli was doing his Elliot Offen impression. He did his Tan Mom voice too.
Howard asked if he can do Gary the Conqueror. Shuli said he can do that ''Eeee!'' sound but that's about it. Howard asked if that's it for the impressions. Shuli said he thinks so. Howard said he loves Bobcat but he won't talk to him anymore. He said that he holds a grudge a long time. He said he loves the guy. Gary said he did Largo a couple of weeks ago when he was out there. He said he went back and said hi to him and he couldn't have been nicer. He said he thinks the grudge is over.
Howard said he wasn't nice to Bobcat. He said he was friends with the guys in Nirvana. He said back in those days he made it all about him. He said he was fucking around and saying he wasn't friends with those guys but Bobcat said he was and he would hang with them. He said it would have been great to talk to him about hanging out with them and he feels real bad about that. He said he really likes the guy. Shuli said it's cool that he's admitting he was a douche bag back then.
Howard asked to talk to Bobcat for a second. Shuli did his impression and accepted his apology. Howard said that's pretty good. Shuli said he fell in love with him in Police Academy. He said he and a buddy would do that voice in school and they did it so much the kids would call him a retard and things. He said that was the first impression he learned to do.
Howard said Kinison would hang out on the show and he thought that Bobcat had done him wrong and ripped off his persona. He said that was also something that set up a toxic environment on the show. He said Bobcat once lit a chair on fire on the Tonight Show. He said that he was awesome.
Gary said the Bobcat thing with Sam was because Sam got cast in Scrooged and they put Bobcat in his place. Howard said Sam blamed Bobcat for that the rest of his life.
Howard said it was so great when it was Kinison, Bobcat, Dice and they had Nirvana on the radio. He said today Dice couldn't do that album he had. He said it was rock and roll comedy.
Howard said he would ask Sam to come to his house and he'd have that one girl he was fucking and her sister he was fucking on the side. Howard said he'd ask him to come to his house to see what a normal life was. He said that Sam would come over and see the normal life and then he'd be on stage passing out a few hours later.
Howard asked Shuli to do one more impression to go out on. Shuli said he got a text from her. He read that text as Tan Mom.
Howard said that he has a guy on the phone who wants to ask a question. Howard said they don't get enough of Shuli lately. He said he was on the Jay Thomas show on Fridays before he passed away. Howard said he made some bargains when Robin was in the hospital. He said he should be in Temple right now. He said according to George Bush he was convinced he was going to Heaven. He said poor Jay. He said he loved life and loved people. Robin said he was so angry with cancer. Shuli said he was angry about a lot of things and it made great radio. Howard said Jay had 5 good years. Robin said she saw him at some event and he yelled in her ear ''Fuck cancer!'' Howard said he had a conversation with him shortly before he passed. He said he was tear filled. He said he was telling him that he was an influence him in his career. Shuli said it was rough in that last week. He said he had a few of those conversations with him too.
The caller asked if he does Beetlejuice or Dracula Gottfried. Shuli said not really but he had one line he did for Beet. Howard said he was checking out his Twitter feed and they have some really good video on that feed. Shuli said he thinks it's @BeetlePimp on Twitter. They spent a minute talking about some things Beet has done over the years.
Howard thanked Shuli for coming in. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he wasn't going to play that because he didn't know what the fuck was going on. He said the second time he heard it he thought it was pretty funny. Howard said this was the only nice place that took his call and talked to him. Howard said you have to hear that one 14 times before you know what's going on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's been listening since the WNBC days. He said he was calling to suggest a show. He said he thinks that it's time to have Ralph and King of All Blacks and maybe Shuli on a show. Howard said he's not sure what he's suggesting. He said they should give them a lie detector test on Ralph. Howard said they did one years ago. Howard tanked him for the call. Howard said that seems like a real good guy and he didn't want to say anything. He said he thinks he got nervous there. He said he thinks he wanted to say he wanted to ban Ralph and the garbage man. Howard said he's not sure what he was getting into. He said he didn't want to get nasty with the guy.
Howard said he feels like he's all over the place. He said he told the story about meeting Elvis Duran and seeing Joan Jett at the North Shore Animal League thing. He said Joan is 60 and she's still rockin out there. He said most people her age are in a nursing home.
Howard said his wife looked like a princess there. Robin said there was one photo of them that looked really nice. Howard said he didn't see that. He said Beth always gets nervous that he's not going to be happy there but he's a good sport. He said she got up and made a speech. He said he never wants to make one but he does it anyway.
Robin said they had some beautiful puppies there at the North Shore thing. Howard said he was back stage playing with the puppies. He said he didn't hold them because he didn't want them peeing on his John Varvatos suit.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he has gone to a Rangers game. Howard said he has but he's not that into it. He said he lies basketball. He said that's just not his thing. The caller said he should try it again. Howard asked why because he doesn't care. He said he's not that into it. The caller said it's the greatest. He said if he went again he'd get into it. Howard said ''Ugh.''
Howard said he never got into sports. He said his dad never taught him how to play anything. Robin said she was listening to these people talking about how great a dad George H.W. Bush was. Howard said his dad just yelled at him. He said he got angry about that. Howard did his father's voice yelling at him about his announcing and all of that.
Howard said it sounds like George never called his sons morons. He said he hears all of that and he's like ''What?'' He said his mom was so afraid of sports. He said they had a guy who got his teeth knocked out by a bat. He said he was playing catcher. He had his mom talking about how dangerous all of that is. He said she wouldn't even let him ski. He said she would tell him how his cousin ruined his knee skiing.
Howard said his father tossed a ball to him once and he hit his dad in the nuts. He said that was the end of baseball with his dad. He said they lived in Roosevelt so his sport was running home from school as fast as he could.
Howard said he had a fantasy that his father loved him so much and he would go out and play sports and he was like Tarzan in Roosevelt because he was so good at basketball. He said he had this fantasy that his father would take him out to teach him to play basketball. He said he was 6'5'' and he could learn to go to the hoop. He said he'd even play college ball. He said his dad would be so proud of him playing.
Howard said his father took no joy in him. He said that if he had moved to that white community and knew how to play ball he could have been popular. He said that he knew a kid who could play and he was popular with the black kids. Robin said maybe he should be saying his team mates would like him. She said it's not just the black kids. Howard said he was like a black person. He said he has these fantasies about people enjoying being with him. Robin wondered if he would be him if that had happened. Howard said he is some piece of work.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a huge fan. He said he's been listening since he was 15 and he's 40 now. Howard said let him do the math on that. He did the math and came up with 25 years. Howard said he was going to try to figure out how old he was but there are no even numbers in there.
The caller said he was listening to the Ringo interview and he gets that he's a big fan but he feels like Ringo didn't show him the respect he deserves. He said Howard is a legend in his own right. He said he doesn't think that Ringo showed him the respect he deserves. Howard said he's the second guy to say that but he doesn't feel that way at all. He asked where he was rude. The caller said he wasn't rude but he was responding to him about something and Ringo cut him off saying he wanted to finish. Howard said he didn't take it that way. Gary said they got this call on the Wrap Up Show last week. He said he thinks it was just ball breaking. Howard said he thinks Ringo was just engaged and he was just telling him how it was.
Howard said he loved it. He said he loves Ringo and he loved the interview. Gary said some people got upset that Ringo called Howard a pussy. Howard said he didn't care about that. He said it was a funny thing. He said he didn't take offense at all. Howard said he has so many things to talk about but he has to take a break. He said he has to talk about Ken Berry dying. He said a lot of people don't know who he is. He said that he got overlooked because of George H.W. Bush passing away. Howard went to break after doing a live commercial read.
Howard said he sees Bobo is up on the screen. Robin said it's so hard to be on his side but lets go for it. Howard took Bobo's call and Bobo's phone was cutting out. Howard said now his phone is cutting out. Bobo said he's in a stupid room in his house. Howard said his wife must have put him in there. He asked why it's a stupid room. Bobo said he can't get a signal in there. Bobo said he had to take the kids to school. Howard asked why he has to be in that room. Bobo said his wife is in the other room. Howard said maybe any room that Bobo is in is called the stupid room.
Bobo said that Adam Levine tweeted out the other night that he thinks ''Wock'' music is dead. Howard and Fred called him out on that pronunciation. Howard asked him to please go into the smart room. Fred was doing his Bobo impression as Elmer Fudd. Bobo said Adam thinks that rock is dead but there's great music out there in the clubs. Howard said rock is dead. He said Adam knows more about music than Bobo does. Bobo said he knows that but he doesn't think rock is dead. He said it's in the clubs. Robin asked if he's in the clubs.
Howard asked who his favorite bands are now. Bobo said they're small bands. Howard said that he doesn't know what he's talking about. He said he has to explain everything to Bobo. Howard said he's naming old bands. He said this is a particularly boring call today. Bobo said you have to go listen to the bands in the venues out there. Howard asked if he has a room for hanging up in. He said this is the worst call ever. He said he doesn't need the fans to tell him that. He played a song parody about how boring Bobo is.
Howard and Fred were goofing on Bobo doing their impressions of him. Howard asked Bobo what he was talking about with ''Downtown Disney.'' Bobo said at Disney they have clubs where you can see bands perform. Howard said that he's going to check out the music scene at Downtown Disney. Bobo's phone cut out again so Howard asked if he was in the stupid room again. Bobo said he was. Howard asked if he's in the smart room now. Bobo said he is. Howard asked why he'd go back in there if he knows it'll cut out. Bobo said he was looking for privacy. Howard and Fred got back to goofing on Bobo.
Bobo said he sent some ideas to Gary. Gary said they have a list of 10 ideas and they're all pretty amazing but not in the way he thinks they are. Gary said he'll send Shuli in. Howard said he can't spend more time with him. He said he's already been awesome today. He said he already figured out that Rock isn't dead because of Downtown Disney. Bobo said he lives in Orlando so that's where they go. Howard said he loves Disney as much as the next asshole but that's not where you go to find out what music is still around. Howard said no one controversial is going to be there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Bobo is the worst and he has to go. He said he wants to drive off a cliff. He said he's in the military and there's a high suicide rate for them and Bobo makes him want to kill himself. The caller told Bobo to kill himself.
Howard said that Kirk was weighing in there. He said that he's afraid if he hears Bobo too much that he'll end up killing himself.
Shuli said he has pictures of Bobo with Disney characters at Disney World. Bobo said this is a different place. Howard did an impression of a Disney character taking a photo with Bobo. He had his mouth covered like he was in a costume.
Howard and Fred continued to goof on Bobo about the whole rock band thing. Howard said Bobo is going to Downtown Disney to find bands.
Shuli told Howard he doesn't even ask for the pictures. He said Bobo just sends them to him. He said he sent him one with Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. Bobo said he did that with his kid. Shuli said you just let your kid take the picture. Howard said he can't imagine what they talk about after seeing Bobo there. Howard did his costume voice again goofing on Bobo. Fred was doing his Elmer Fudd Bobo impression. Howard had his character saying he was going to quit over that asshole.
Robin said Downtown Disney is where parents go after they put their kids down so they can get drunk.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Bobo is like Extra Dopey from Snow White and the 7 Dwarves. Howard took another call from a guy who said that Bobo is such a dope. Howard did his impression of Bobo talking about rock not being dead and complaining about Adam Levine. The caller said the clubs down there are horrible. He said they're all sanitized. Bobo said the House of Blues is good. The caller said that's the only good one there.
The caller asked Bobo what the last concert he went to was. Bobo said he went to see Metallica about 3 years ago. Shuli asked if he went alone. Bobo said he went with his wife. The caller asked if they're going to get his wife in there to have a conversation. Howard said he wishes. He said next week they're doing Family Feud but Bobo won't bring his wife in there. Bobo said he doesn't think so. He said he doesn't think she'd do it. Howard said just tape himself asking her to do it.
The caller asked if Ronnie or Bobo is the bigger idiot. Howard said that's a silly question. Shuli said it sounds like a jump ball to him. Howard said he thinks that Ronnie has a bigger IQ. Bobo said no way. He said he had an 89 or 88 or something. Shuli said he claims he's smarter than Ronnie. He said both are terrible at spelling. Howard said he bets Ronnie would win that. The caller said he thinks that King of All Blacks would do just as bad.
Howard said Bobo's IQ was actually 87 so he added 2 points to it. Howard said he's sure Ronnie could do better than an 87. He said he guarantees that. Howard said he has run businesses. He said he thinks he'd beat Bobo by at least 15 points. Shuli said he'd take that action. Bobo said no way that happens. Howard said at least 10. He said he'd have to get a 97 at least.
Ronnie came in asking what this caller does for a living. The guy said he works for an engineering company. Ronnie said Bobo can't do shit either. Bobo said he was a back yard mechanic. Howard said Ronnie is not a moron. Shuli said he wasn't saying he was. He said that he doesn't have book smarts. Ronnie said he has common sense and Bobo has nothing. He said all he talks about are his awards. Ronnie said he has awards all over his wall too. He said it's all about driver safety. Bobo said he has special awards. Ronnie said he's special alright.
Howard said he has King of All Blacks on the phone and he said that Bobo is a white guy holding on to something that's gone. He said Rock is dead. Howard said it's kind of like the confederate flag. He said that he doesn't see any rock bands out there. Gary said that Brent believes that rock is not dead and this is all bullshit. King said he's one of those guys who holds on to stuff too long too. Howard said he thinks it's dead too.
Brent came in and said it's definitely not dead. Howard thanked him for coming in. He said that with older guys it's still alive but kids don't give a fuck about it. He said it's rap and country music that sells now. Brent said he liked what Corey Taylor told Adam to do. He said he told him to go back to The Voice. King said why take it out on someone who is just telling the truth.
Shuli said that Brent made a statement about how he's more black than the other guys in the office back there. Brent said he's more aware of things that are going on in the black community. King said he sure doesn't dress like a black person.
Howard had ''Hard Core Brent'' on the phone to tell them more about Rock still being alive. Fake Brent had his theme music playing and he played some rock songs for Howard from some heavy metal bands.
Howard said there are rock bands around but it's not like they're knocking it out of the park. Brent said that concert sales are more for rock. He said he thinks they're in the top 10. Howard said he's not sure about that.
Howard said he wants to change the topic. He thanked Bobo for calling in. He said they'll get to his show ideas eventually. Howard asked Ronnie if he could beat Bobo in an IQ test. Ronnie said he has no idea. Shuli asked him to spell sympathize. Ronnie told him to leave him alone. Howard told him to teach this fucker. Ronnie didn't even try.
Shuli said Ronnie once shit in a box in the limo. Ronnie said that was Shit Box Ritchie, not him. Howard said you have to shit sometimes and what else would you do? Howard said he thinks that Ronnie would beat Bobo. He said he has more smarts at fixing cars and stuff like that. Brent said there are some questions on the IQ test. He said that they might ask who Sacagawea is. Ronnie didn't know. Howard didn't even know. He said no one would get that. Brent said he even missed that one. He said he did great with verbal and memory. He said that's good for life.
Howard said Brent was winning at one point and Rapaport ended up beating him. He said he has some texts to read. He went through that and Rapaport was calling him names so Brent shot back at him with his own insults. They went back and forth getting more graphic with this insults. Rapaport mentions a lot of dick stuff in his texts.
Brent said this guy is on social media a lot. He said he got banned from Facebook for something he posted. He said it was a video of a guy fingering a girl's ass and then putting it under her nose. Howard said he's surprised that Ronnie missed that one. Ronnie said he's not on Facebook.
Howard said Rapaport got upset with Sal for not calling him back. He had some audio of Rapaport leaving him a message. Rapaport was talking about knocking Gary's teeth out in the league and no one will return his call. Howard said it's great to get a call from someone famous unless they're berating you.
Howard had Michael Rapaport on the phone. Michael told Howard that it's been years he's been in the league. He said he feels Howard is part of this conspiracy. He said this league is his namesake. Howard said no it isn't. Michael said that they want to kick him when he's down. He said when he's on the top of the mountain no one wants to give him credit. Howard asked where Gary is in this. Ronnie said he heard that his son is the one helping. Howard said everyone gets help from someone. He said he heard his son isn't doing it so much now. Gary said that's true that his son isn't helping him so much now. Michael said his son doesn't play in any leagues now. He thanked the guys for helping with that.
Michael was saying that he has some paper work going Gary's way. Gary said he's trying to be funny but it's not funny. He said he's trying to joke that he's suing him.
Gary said Michael is always up there with a cold and coughing and sneezing all over the place. Michael said he's not sick. He said he has a little bronchial situation. Gary said it's been 3 years.
Howard said he has Tough Brent on the phone to talk to Michael. He had fake Brent on the line again telling Michael what he'd really do to him. Howard asked what he wants to say to put him in his place. Fake Brent said a few things to him. Michael talked to him a bit too.
Howard asked if Michael is confident he's going to win the league. Michael said he feels good about it but you never know for sure. Brent said he always makes it to the playoffs and then he falls apart.
Howard asked Michael about the lawsuit he has going on after someone said he has herpes. Gary said part of it is that they didn't pay him. He said the herpes thing was a joke but someone could hear that and think it wasn't a joke and they may not hire him. Michael said that he can't talk about all of it. He said that it's the breach thing that's really upsetting. He said he would love to get hired to make out with a guy on film and you have to fill out some forms when you do that. He said that the herpes thing could come up and they might think that he's lying about it if he says he doesn't have it.
Howard asked what's going on with him and this gay stuff. He said he's talking about fucking guys in the ass. Michael said when it comes to fantasy football there's so much going on behind the scenes. He said you do that provoking thing. Howard said he's trying to understand where he's at. Michael said he's going back and forth. Michael said that he's not anti-gay. He said he's enjoying it when he says that he's fucking them.
Howard asked why Michael got banned from Facebook for posting something. He said Ronnie is still up on Twitter. Ronnie said it's a lot different on Twitter. He said you can put gang bangs and stuff up there.
Michael said he has a bone to pick with Howard. He said he has an issue with stray cats in his neighborhood. He said his wife sent a message to ''Gorilla'' (Gary) and asked him to get some wolf piss to keep them out of his yard. He said that he spent $191 on wolf piss. Howard said that's the truth. Michael said they busted right through that and now he has 2 bags left of this stuff and he wants the money from Howard. He said he wants that $191 back from Howard. Howard said good luck with fantasy football and getting back on Facebook. Michael said he has other things to think about other than Facebook.
Howard asked if Michael is acting at all. Michael said he's getting ready to start filing season 3 of A Typical. Robin said it's a great show. Ronnie agreed. Brent said you forget how good an actor he is because he's so insane. Howard asked if he can get Ronnie on that show. Michael said it's not his kind of show.
Shuli asked what actor he would like to make out with since he mentioned he might get into a movie where he makes out with a dude. Michael said he's not thinking about that. He said it's just an ''if'' he gets into a movie like that. Michael said he would want that guy Peter Dinklage. Howard said he'd watch that. Howard asked if he wants to play the guy who gets fucked or does the fucking. Michael said he'd be the guy fucking.
Howard said Peter is in shape. He said he can put that together then would he do it. Michael said he would. Howard said he heard Peter is a fan of the show so he might be able to do it. Howard said he will make a legitimate remake of that movie Brokeback Mountain with him and Peter. Michael said he would do it. He said he would do every single thing that he can put into that scene. Howard said they don't cut away in his version. He said they do it for real. He said in his movie he shaves him down completely. Michael said you see him shaving him down completely. He gave one of the lines from the movie and Howard said he's got the job.
Howard and the guys spent a little time talking about what happened in Brokeback Mountain. Howard said he has to understand if he's going to direct. Howard said they ended up wrestling like George and Brent Takei. Gary said they were wrestling in the tent and Jake Gyllenhaal hocks a big lougie in his hand to jerk off the other guy. Michael said that Gary talking like that really gets him going. He said he's ready to shoot this puppy. Howard said he'll shoot it for SiriusXM and put it on the app.
Howard was trying to figure out the boss in the movie figuring out what the guys were up to. He wondered if they were bad cowboys. Howard said Michael's wife would be Michelle Williams. Howard said the guy was spying on them with binoculars. He said those guys were having too much fun.
Howard said Ronnie could play the boss in the movie. He had Ronnie do a coupe of lines for the movie. He had him seeing the guys messing around in the tent together. Robin asked when they're contacting Peter Dinklage.
Howard was doing more and more lines from the remake he's planning. Howard asked Michael how to get hold of a Dinklage and get him to take it seriously. Michael said reach out on Facebook. He said this is going to be hard. Howard said he's not going to be sensitive. He said the guys would be naked and going in the river. He had the guys shoving their six shooter in their ass and things like that.
Michael said that this is a good spitball session. He said there has to be some heart in the movie. He said he's going to go down on him. Howard said he'll take his nuts. Michael said he didn't say that. He said you've got to be careful what you say.
Howard said he loves Peter Dinklage and he loves Michael too. He said they can get Maggie Gyllenhaal to play his wife. He said they can get that Emily Blunt to play her maybe. Michael said get her. Robin said maybe Caitlyn Jenner. Howard said that would be great too.
Howard said congratulations on his war with Brent and the fantasy football thing. Howard said he did hear Pete is a fan and he'll try to get him to do the movie. Robin said maybe Liev Schreiber. Howard said maybe Dustin Hoffman. Howard said maybe even John Stamos. Shuli said he's sure he wants to get out of that house.
Michael said he's happy that Howard came to him with this first. Howard said everyone loves him. He said he just committed to a major film. He let Michael go after that. He said that was fun.
Howard asked why everyone is in there. Ronnie said he was there for Bobo shit. He said he has to get to a break. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's squeamish about shaking hands with a Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr as he is about other people. Howard said it doesn't matter who it is. He said he carries around his hand sanitizer stuff with him everywhere. He said that he fist bumps like Howie Mandel when he can. He said he does shake hands with famous people but then he'll use the hand sanitizer when they're not looking.
The caller said he loves that McCartney interview. Howard said they say that colds are mostly transmitted from shaking hands. Howard said when he's sick he can't do his job. He said if he had a regular job it wouldn't matter so much. He said he just can't do it. He said he's paranoid about getting sick every minute.
Howard said last night he had an apple with cheese as a snack. He said he wasn't able to sleep. He said he was watching Narcos and finished it. Robin said she's still in the middle of watching it. Robin said she finished Titans this week. Howard said he likes this Narcos season 3. He said he was hungry and not able to sleep. He said he cut up an apple with some Swiss cheese on it. He said he went right out. Then he woke up with pain in his rectum. He said he was thinking he was dying. He said he thought he had been violated by a ghost.
Howard said he really did think he was finished. He said it turned out to be gas. He said he released that gas and his pain was gone. He said that was good. Robin said she's never had that before. Howard said everything he has is deadly.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been a long time listener but he's an OCD and Germ person. He said Howie Mandel says he's a germ person but he goes to the Laker games. He said he goes shopping in off hours. Howard said it sounds like he has more than OCD. The caller said that they say they're germ phobes but they spend so much time around people. Howard said if he brings in someone like Giselle Bundchen and she wants to have sex with you then all of that stuff goes out the window.
The caller said he has a couple of friends like him. Howard asked about what he'd do if Emily Ratajkowski asked him to go down on her. He said he wouldn't do it. He said he's so freaky that he can't even think about touching the touch pads at McDonald's.
Howard said he has to take another break. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard said Wrangler Jane called into the show one time. He said she told them that she gave her husband a threesome and that made news. He said this was all pre-internet. Gary said she also lied about her age to get on that show. He said she was only 16. Howard said good thing Ken didn't fuck her.
Howard said Ken was also on Mama's Place with Vicky Lawrence. He said that Ken may have played the husband on the show. Gary said he was the son in law.
Howard said Ken eventually gave up on show business and acting. He said he has stories about that and they could be false. He said he was on Mama's Place for 4 years. He opened for Abbot and Costello in Las Vegas in the 1950s. He said that his death was overshadowed by George H.W. Bush's death. Howard said he had to say something about Ken. Howard said most people don't know who he's even talking about. He said people just don't know who he is. Gary said when you tell them who he is and what he played the kind of know who you're talking about. Howard said he was on America's Got Talent and he was recognized all over the place. Then he was off the show and they all wondered who he was again.
Robin had the F-Troop theme song for Howard to play. Howard played that and said he liked the Indian Chief. They talked about that and how no one even has a theme song anymore. He said people won't sit through that now.
Howard said he congratulated Howie Mandel about his new Deal or No Deal show. He said that it's on cable though. JD said it's on CNBC. Howard wondered why they would do that.
Howard had a fake Ken Berry superfan on the show crying over his death. They spent a little time with that and then moved on to the news.
Robin read that Netflix has canceled Daredevil. Howard said no, why would they do that. Howard said he imagines this is going on because they can't drag everything out. He said there's too much talking going on. Robin said they had one thing going on over 12 episodes. Robin said he was getting his ass kicked too much too. Howard said if he worked at Netflix he'd say that Dirty Harry was so great because he was in control. He said Daredevil was getting his ass kicked. Robin said anyone who is a super hero should be kicking ass. Howard said now she's talking. Robin said they say that a second life could bring it back to Disney's streaming service. Howard said there's too many streaming services. He asked if you'll have to pay for them all. Robin said yes.
Howard said Daredevil started out so good. He said then it gets too talky. He said this past season the guy who made his costume beat up Daredevil. Howard said that guy was just some nerd. He said that he's back with this nun and she's telling him this stuff. He said there are too many people talking every minute. Robin said he's always fixing his costume too. Howard said he heals fast but he takes so much of a beating. He said he's blind and he gets beaten up like a regular blind guy. He said it was annoying. He said he's sorry to see that though. Robin said it's too bad but Netflix apparently had enough. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he and his wife were talking about having pizza for dinner tonight. He said he shouldn't be eating that stuff. He said he was thinking about having salad with that. He said Beth told him to knock it off. He said she was telling him to just have a pizza for one night and forget the vegetables. Robin asked what toppings he puts on it. Howard said he has plain pizza. He said he's not putting toppings on it. He said it was invented without toppings. He said then Sal's dad inventing putting toppings on it. Howard said it's like putting your penis in a woman's vagina. He said that it feels so good you don't need anything else. Howard said that's all you need. He said cut it out. He said you don't have to reinvent the wheel. Robin said she likes a nice Margarita pizza too. Howard said he thought about getting an eggplant parm but that probably has as many calories. Howard said this is what's going on in his head during the news.
Howard said he should call Beth and asked why she doesn't want him to have a salad. He said he limits himself to two slices if he has a salad. He said she'll get mad at him over that. He said they will eat and say they're fat and then she gets angry about that. Howard said people would get so mad at them if they heard this conversation.
Robin read a story about Pope Francis saying that having gays in the church worries him. Howard said it sounds like he's covering something up. Robin said that he thinks accepting gay people is having an affect on the church. Howard said the pope is a human being and he's just a dude who got a pretty good fucking job. He said he just can't fuck chicks openly. He said now he's sitting around putting out a message about gays in the clergy is a bad idea. He asked why he can't be empathic. He said he's no closer to god than anyone like Wendy the Slow Adult or him or Robin. He said he reads some books. He said the only people this obsessed with gay sex are closeted gay people. He said he doesn't give a fuck if you are gay. He said he's just happy that you're happy. Robin read more of what the Pope said. Howard said he loves a guy in a dress carrying a smoking purse is telling you that gay is not a good lifestyle. He said that's just not cool. He said people are still getting hung and beaten with rocks around the world because they're gay. He said he's not sure why people are so intent on ruining other people's lives. Howard said how about banning pedophiles from the church before gay people. Howard asked what the fuck is wrong with people.
Robin read a story about an Egyptian actress who could end up in jail for what she wore on the red carpet of an event. Howard asked what Egypt is anyway. He asked what era they're living in. Robin said they're going to put her on trial and maybe send her to prison. Howard said god bless America. He said he's so glad his grandparents came here. Robin said be happy they were allowed in. Howard said he knows Melania came from somewhere. Robin said Trump's parents came from somewhere. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said she was watching Neil deGrasse Tyson talking about why he's optimistic about space and space exploration. Robin had some audio of Neil talking about how all of the stuff we need for resources we could stop wars on this planet. Howard said he loves that. Robin said she did too. She said then he was accused of some #MeToo moments. Robin said about 3 women have come forward saying that he made them uncomfortable in their past. Robin said that he was quiet for a while and then he addressed it on social media. Robin said that FOX and National Geographic are going to do investigations into this. Robin said one woman said that he said he won't hug her because he might want more. Howard said maybe this is why he wants to go to space. Robin said another woman claims that he groped her under her dress. Robin said she had a solar system tattoo on her arm that went up and under her sleeveless dress and he tried to lift the shoulder part to see the rest of it. Robin said he said in a Facebook post that he may have gotten excited for the tattoo but he doesn't recall lifting the dress. Robin said he was a voice for the future and he may be silenced over this.
Howard took a call from Wolfie who said that they were talking about Daredevil getting canceled. He said he was in the bathroom washing his hands and that guy came into take a shit up at Sirius. He said it changed his perception of the guy. Howard said that's ridiculous. He said that guy did seem like kind of a bummer though. He said the dude playing Aquaman looks like a super hero. Wolfie said that the guy takes a wicked shit. Howard said everyone has to take a shit. Howard said he's Wolfie the Shit Detective. Howard said that's not what ruined it for him. He said that's like seeing Dan Rather urinating and the news was ruined for him. He said that's a thin premise. He said he was just looking for air time on that one. Robin said absolutely.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression talking about Ken Berry. He was rambling on and on as Gary. Howard said it's like he's sitting with Gary. Sour was going on and on after saying ''real quick'' like Gary does. Howard said Gary doesn't think this sounds like him. He said this is exactly what Gary sounds like. Howard asked where else you can hear an impression of Gary this good.
Howard said Gary was phlegmy today. He said he knows what he's doing. He said he's a good man but he was doing that thing where he was phlegmy and he was doing that little clearing thing. He said he'd rather he just clear his throat. Fred played a Christmas song with Gary's throat clearing sounds.
Robin read a story about Les Moonves having another woman accusing him of something. Robin said that could jeopardize his $120 million pay out at CBS. Robin said this time it involves a woman named Bobbie Phillips who says in 1995 she encountered Les and it was not pleasant. Robin said Les says that it was a consensual thing but Bobbie says it was not. Robin read more details about that. Howard said the story is long but it's worth reading in the NY Times. He said it's some wild story.
Robin said they had just announced that Julie Chen Moonves is returning to Big Brother this summer. Robin said every time something good happens for her there's a Les headline that makes it hard for her to celebrate. That led to Howard doing his Les Moonves / Julie Chen impression for a while. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a guy who popped the question to a woman in Times Square. Robin said the woman said yes but then the ring fell into a grate and disappeared. Robin said he was above a sewer or something. Robin said she's not sure why he would propose there. Howard said she used to be such a romantic. Robin said they spent a lot of time looking for the ring and they weren't able to find it. Police kept looking and they found it eventually. Robin said they found the couple and returned the ring to them.
Robin read a story about George H.W. Bush passing away. She had some clips for Howard to play. She had one from Neil Bush talking about his dad. Robin said he was very emotional there. Robin said they were also talking about how he only lasted 220 days after Barbara passed away. Robin said that he once said that if she wasn't there to hold hands with her then why be there. Robin had some audio of Bush reading a love letter to Barbara. Howard said that was real love there. He wondered if he banged any chicks after Barbara died. Robin said she doesn't think so. Robin had some audio of Bush reading a letter about aging to his kids. Howard said what a dad. He said just listen to this letter. He said it makes him crazy. He did his dad's voice talking about never sending him a letter. He had his dad give him three letters: ASS. Howard said he never got anything like that from his dad. He said that's foreign to him. He did more of his parent's voices talking about what's wrong with him. He had his dad saying he wanted to throw a shoe at him. The clip of Bush had him talking about how he wanted to throw (horse) shoes with his kids. Howard asked what kind of father this is. He said this can't be real. He said this guy wants to throw horse shoes with his kids. Howard said Robin's dad was fingering her. Howard said no wonder his son was crying over him. Howard had his dad telling him he's now allowed to cry. He had him yelling at him and his mother asking what's wrong with you two. Howard played more of the Bush letter to his kids. Howard said what a fucking guy. He asked what the hell is going on. He asked if that reminds Robin of her father. Robin said not at all. She said all he thought about was himself. Howard said Bush was some guy.
Howard took a call from fake Alex Jones who wanted to do a eulogy for Bush. Alex went on and on about Bush for a couple of minutes. He was getting in his commercial reads in the middle of the discussion.
Robin had more details about George Bush. Robin had more audio clips for Howard to play.
Robin had a clip of a guy pronouncing the name of that Milwaukee player that Howard mentioned earlier. Robin had the clip of the guy saying Giannis Antetokounmpo. Howard got it down as soon as he heard it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said he can not retire ever. She said that he can take vacations all he wants but he is the funniest and gets better every day. She said that he brings so much joy to people's lives. Howard said that's very nice. He said that his misery is her joy. Howard said write him a nice letter. The caller said she actually has.
Robin read a story about an earthquake up in Alaska. Robin said it was a 7.0 on the Richter scale. Robin said things are getting back to normal up there after that.
Robin read a story about Nick Jonas getting married to Priyanka Chopra. Howard said he sees that name but he's not sure who she is. Robin said she's on a TV show and she's a very pretty woman. Robin said they had two weddings over the weekend. Robin said they got engaged in July after just a few months of dating. Howard said that's an excellent prescription for joy for the rest of your life. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started the show saying ''Hey now'' a bunch of times. Robin said she thought the whole show was going to be that. Howard said he wishes it was.
Howard said he was invited to the Cher musical. He said he gets invited to those kind of things once in a while. He said that he was surprised he was invited to this. He didn't think Cher liked him. He said he was wondering if her public relations people invited him not knowing that. Robin said she's not in the show. Howard said he's sure they trot her out at some point. He said she's at opening night for the show. He said he has done so many things to piss people off on the show. He said she was dating a guy who they called Bagel Boy and Cher got angry with him for saying it on the air. He said she called saying she was going to sue him. He said this was before Gary had to clear his throat a lot. He said Gary told her it was in the paper. Gary said he didn't say anything to her. He said that he transferred her to Tom Chiusano.
Howard said he didn't know it was an insult to her. He said he worked at a bagel store. He said he didn't name him that. It was in the paper. He said that the guy got a lucky break dating Cher. Howard said that was his interaction with Cher. He said that he wanted to have her on the show. He said he thought they came close to getting her on. He said he's not sure.
Howard said he thought that she'd come in to talk about this new play. Gary said they did reach out to her. He said that she works with the same people who work with Madonna. He said they were considering getting a birthday message for Ronnie. He said it just never happened.
Howard said he doesn't have a problem with Cher. He said he beat off to her a lot when he was younger. He said that here was no porn and he'd beat off to her on the Sonny and Cher show. He said he'd stroke his meat delicately to her.
Howard said he read some reviews about the Cher musical and it's getting good reviews. He said she's played by 3 different women in the play. He said that they're doing it like the Donna Summer show.
Howard said that the NY Times panned the musical. He just read that. Robin said she was just reading that too. Howard said years ago they would have closed the play the next day if the Times panned it. He said these days it's not the same. He said Broadway is like Cabaret these days. Robin said it's like Vegas. Howard said that's what he was just going to say.
Howard said there are other shows coming to Broadway and they'll have a lot of old bands being represented out there.
Howard said he was reading that and thinking about how he was invited to the premiere. He said he might go see something like that. He said he's sure these women are wearing Bob Mackie gowns and he'd be thinking about how he beat off to Cher when he was young. He said for a guy like him he'd sit there thinking he could get Cher if Sonny could get her. He said he was a bit of a mischkite. Robin said when they were growing up they'd see Cher on the pop shows and she always wondered what she was doing with him. Howard said Sonny was his hero. Howard said he gave him a lot of hope.
Howard said he'll be really shocked when he dies and he's floating up to heaven. He said that's not going to happen. Robin said he's acting like he should have done something different while he was here. Howard said he's not sure what. He said he should have changed things.
Howard said back when he'd watch Sonny and Cher he had to watch with his parents and then run upstairs and get in bed and then like a jackrabbit try to remember what he had seen. He said he didn't have instant gratification. He said imagine his mother caught him jerking off to Cher. He said he'd finish on Sonny's moustache. He said he didn't have his own computer to jerk off to. He said Cher had a sexy stomach and she showed it off. He said she had nice tits but not huge ones. He said she was hot. Robin said that no tits was the way to go back then. Howard said jerking off wasn't as easy as it is today. He said back in his day... Robin said he's making a point. He said he wasn't able to do anything about that boner.
Howard said he had to plan it like a bank heist. He said his mother was like a hawk. He said he had to make a plan for jerking off. Howard said he'd go to bed and then do his thing.
Howard said he liked this Honey West show and he would beat off to her. He said the show was like an hour long. He said at some point she'd get tied up or something and he'd see the rope up against her tits. He said by the time he got to bed he'd be thinking about Honey West. He said he also had to hide his masturbation from his mother. He said if she found out it would have been humiliating. He said she'd be examining the tissues. Howard said when he made doody and had brown streaks in his underpants his mother would talk about the ''grit'' in his underpants. He said she'd wash them and rub it on soap. He said she'd fill the sink up with that dirty underwear. It was the sink his sister used to brush her teeth.
Robin asked if she had a sink by the washing mashing. Howard said of course they did. He said she wanted to do it in this sink. He said he'd be running around and he'd have shit streaks in his underpants. He said he had pinworms once and had to shit in a box. He said he'd be scratching his asshole from the itching. He said that's why there was grit in there.
Howard said his mother would go through his underpants looking for stains. He said he's not sure why she didn't just wash them. Robin said she's sure they had a sink she could have done it in. Howard said there was one right next to the washing machine.
Howard said his underpants would look like a golf course with 9 holes and brown spots. He said his mother would wash them while his sister had friends over. He said she would have her knuckles rubbing together and she'd be complaining about all of this grit. He said thanks for that. He said no wonder those girls never looked at him. He said he had fantasies about her friends. He said some of them were hot.
Howard said he would go to bed after watching Cher and he'd jerk off into his tissues. He said that he didn't make any noise. He said that he was trained to do that. He said that's why he's still quiet to this day. He said that's why all guys are quiet. Howard said the house they lived in was a shit house. He said his parents left their door open so they never fucked. He said that his mother could hear everything. He said it was easier to break out of Alcatraz. He said he remembers how nervous he was walking to the bathroom with the dirty tissues. He said the house was tiny. He said each room was about the same distance to the bathroom. He said he would jerk off in total silence and then tip toe into the bathroom to flush the tissue. He said he was so afraid of his mother catching him. He said she would have freaked out.
Howard said they lived in a black neighborhood because his mother claimed she wasn't afraid of black skin and she loves blacks. He said his father paid $14,000 for the house when he got out of the Army. He said that when the community turned black they were getting less than that for the houses. He said his father wanted to wait until there were rich black people moving in.
Howard said if his mother caught him he's not sure what she would have done. He said after you flush your load you have to keep tissues on your penis to keep it from getting stuck to your underpants. He said he's got his penis wrapped right now for his drippy penis. Robin said she didn't know he wrapped it as a child. Howard said only on the days that he masturbated.
Howard said he used to masturbate a couple of times a day at times. He said he had a friend who jerked off every single day. He said his first name was Spencer. He said he would jerk off in the morning, afternoon and before dinner. Then he'd jerk off before bed. He said that was his whole existence. Robin said kids now must not be able to leave the house. Howard said thank god there was no internet when he was growing up. He said he had no idea what to do with girls back then. He said it was kind of beautiful that he didn't know what he was doing. He said he would have been nervous. He said if he had porn he would have known what to do. Howard said he would have been more proficient if he had porn. He said he's glad in a way.
Robin said that kids now are going to be smacking ass and putting girls in a French maid's outfit. He said everything makes him scared and nervous now. He said he's not sure how he got into this. He remembered it was talking about Cher. He said he'd like her to come in there so he could talk to her and see her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said last week they were talking about Cards Against Humanity and his daughters didn't know some of the words. He said that he said this line about how he was hoping he didn't get the Queef card. He said that cracked him up. Howard thanked him for the call. Howard said that's his job to do that kind of thing.
Howard said he was remembering that Anthony Kiedis wrote that Cher was the first naked women he saw as a kid because she used to baby sit him. He said imagine that she's your babysitter.
Howard said when Cher was with Sonny everything seemed okay. He said he got scared when she married Greg Allman. He said she was a lot darker than he thought she was. He said it freaked him out.
Howard said he doesn't think he'd going to go see that show. He said he hates sitting there in those theaters. He said he doesn't need to sit there uncomfortable for 2 hours. Robin said he does it with TV.
Howard said he had to leave there yesterday and Ronnie had to sneak him out. He said it was so busy out in the lobby. He said they have a compound there that is separate from the other studios. He said it's a nice facility there. He said they have all of these glass radio studios on one floor and they have things going on there. He said when he came there he wanted to be blocked off from everyone. He said they have walled off their own corner. He said to get there you have to march through the lobby. He said he has the nicest property in the neighborhood. He said they're down there in their own world there. Robin said they have no idea what's going on out there. Howard said they have their own card and even the executives can't get in there. He said it's the closest he'll ever get to being the owner of something. He said he can lock out management. He said Scott Greenstein had to come to them to ask to use their bathroom. He said the bathroom out in the lobby is so disgusting that they ask to use their bathroom.
Howard said they had a bunch of people like Michael Douglas, Mary Poppins, Aquaman and others out in the lobby. He said Lin Manuel Miranda was there too. He said it was crazy out there. He said the main bathroom there was covered in spray shit. He said Jason went out there and he saw spray shit all over the toilets. He said it wasn't even in the toilet. Jason said it was in the bowl but it was all over inside the bowl. He said he left after seeing two of the bowls like that.
Howard said the guy who plays Aquaman was up there and he's banging Lisa Boner. He said they're trying to give them a good experience up there and you see that in the bathroom. He said it's like World War 3 out there.
Robin asked why people can't police themselves. Howard said Aquaman has to swim through that shit. Gary said the most disgusting thing is that they don't do anything about trying to clean it up. Robin said that's what she was saying about policing yourself. Howard said maybe it was someone of limited intelligence like Beetlejuice.
Howard said he had to sneak out of there yesterday because he can't be seen by these people. He said they ask for pictures and he hates having his picture taken. He said Emily Blunt was out there and she's good looking. He said that Aquaman is out there and he's all bulked up. He said he can't take a picture out there. Howard said it was a three ring circus out there. Robin said it was like the receiving line of a wedding.
Howard said he had to sneak out. He said he was able to avoid it all. He said Michael Douglas was up there too. He said it was a star studded day. He said his point was the bathroom was a mess. He said it was like someone had committed a hate crime in there. He said it was crazy. He asked how you shit on the bowl like that. He said he's never had a doody like that. Robin said if he did he'd clean it up. Howard said he would. He said he doesn't want people cleaning up his shit.
Howard said he has gone into bathrooms out there and he has had to piss on top of piles of shit. He said it's disgusting. Robin said it's horrible. She said she has noticed that when there's a long line for a bathroom it's not worse, it's better. She said people know that someone is coming in after them so they clean up.
Howard said there's someone who rubs his boogers above the urinals. He said that they have to catch this guy. Gary said there's also something going on where someone is pissing on the dividers between the urinals. Howard said he's not sure how that happens. Gary said some people think that it's splashing on the wall from peeing so hard. Howard said he doesn't pee that hard. Robin said she'd disgusted with humanity.
Howard said there's also someone who spits his gum into the urinal. He said it gets stuck and someone has to clean it out. He said Richard saw a big cockroach in the bathroom recently. He said he's not surprised by that. He said they may need to get a bathroom attendant in there. He said they need a cop in there to watch what's going on.
The caller was doing an Artie impression. Howard was annoyed by it. He hung up on the guy. Howard said there are guys out there who join web sites and they do messages for people and get money for it. He said Brett Favre was scammed by one of these things. He said the guy made hundreds of millions of dollars on endorsements. He said he was scammed by this web site where you hire him to do announcements. He said some hate group has buzz words and they had him read something that they edited so it sounded like he read this racist thing. He said that Perez Hilton does this stuff too. He said he can't believe that Brett Favre is doing these messages. Robin said he does anything to make money. She said she's seen him in a lot of commercials.
Howard said they recorded him doing this message and he had no idea what he was reading. Howard asked what it costs to get him to do that. Gary said it's $500. Howard said he has a hundred million dollars in the bank and he's doing that. Gary said he's been the spokesperson for Wrangler for like 10 years. He said he's making a lot of money.
Howard said people are fucked up. He said that Brett read ''Don't let the smalls get you down.'' He said it's a reference to the Jews. Robin said it's a reference to the yarmulke. She said that it's a small thing.
Howard played the message that Brett read. there were a few terms in there that referred to some racist stuff. Howard said that something just occurred to him. He said this Cameo App must get some cut from this. He said that he must not get the full $500. He said he must get like half. Gary asked if that was worth $275.
Howard said there were other references to this guy called Lucky Larry who they say was part of a plan to take down the World Trade Center on 9/11. Howard said they had Perez Hilton read something about that. He played that clip and then Lance Bass reading the same message. Howard said they were both scammed. Howard asked what the urban movers thing as. Gary said that was a group of people who were seen dancing around after 9/11 and they were in an Urban Movers truck when they were seen.
Howard said he's not sure why you'd want to do that kind of thing if you have that much money. He said High Pitch Erik is on there too. He said some people have had him read stuff and he'll read anything. He said he does have a low IQ though. Howard said Erik read something about him and he didn't even give it a second thought.
Howard played the clip of Erik saying Howard is a washed up talentless hack and this guy Lance should take over the show. Howard said they had Erik read fake announcements and he has no idea what he's reading. Howard played some clips of Erik reading some praise about Osama bin Laden. Howard said Erik will read anything.
Howard said he doesn't hold it against Erik. He said when he heard it he wondered if he knows not to read that stuff. He said he just said he praises Osama bin Laden. Robin said he knows what he's reading. She said he knows it's a bad thing.
Howard had Erik reading a message to Jarred from Subway wishing him a happy birthday and something abut little kids. Howard said he'll do anything for money. Howard played another one where he was giving a shout out to wife beaters and rapists.
Howard said Brett Favre will read anything too apparently. He said he has over 500 million in the bank and he's still reading that stuff. He said he'd like to know what he's getting from that 500 bucks. He said that he'd like to know. He said that he probably goes home and brags about getting 500 bucks to read something. He said he knows a lot of rich people who love to get free stuff. He said they can have anything they want in this world and they love getting free stuff.
Robin said she heard that Brett has noting to do so that's why he has time for this. Howard said he can go out and make some extra money doing it. He said he has to take a break. They went to break after that.
Howard said they say here that I Heart is trying to get their shit together. He said business is so screwy. He said they say that the guys who own SiriusXM only own 70 percent of the company. He said he doesn't understand that at all. Robin said that's all based on stock. She said they can out vote the shareholders. Howard said he doesn't understand business. He said people say he's a good businessman but he's really not. He said he's never going to start something like Oprah has.
Howard said it's kind of exciting to be part of this whole thing. He said they have hit a lot of home runs in their career. He said they hit one with regular radio and this thing.
Howard said he was surprised to see that Victoria's Secret had their special on the there night and it had low ratings. He said there's too much porn out there. He said guys don't want to see chicks running around in their underwear. He said the girls in porn now are so good looking. He said they don't need that Victoria's Secret. Gary said they aired the show against a big football game. Howard said that's stupid because their audience is men.
Howard took a call from fake Oprah who had some things to update Howard on. The guys in the back were playing edited clips of Oprah. They had her saying some wacky stuff.
Howard said whenever they did a game show on the air he'd get offers to do it on TV and he would turn it down. He said then they'd take it and make it their own show.
Howard said FOX News is so weird. He said that Kid Rock got into trouble for calling Joy Behar a bitch. He said FOX was apologizing and going crazy over that. He said the apology was really weird. He played the clip of Kid Rock talking about something and mentioning the Joy Behar thing. The hosts of the show said he has to apologize for that. They were apologizing for him.
Howard said they were freaking out about that. He said Joy didn't care about it and said that they'd love to have Kid Rock on their show and share a beer.
Howard said they had this woman on FOX News and she said that Hillary Clinton is like Herpes and won't go away and they freaked out about that at FOX. He said that she didn't say she has herpes, she said she was like herpes. He said he's not sure why they're freaking out about that. He said they talk about Hillary all the time. He played that clip and the host of the show was going a little nuts when he heard that herpes reference. Howard said everyone got in on it after that. He played more of that and the guy was apologizing for that woman's comment about Hillary Clinton.
Howard said it's weird what they get upset about over there. Robin said that guy wasn't able to think because they were yelling in his ear piece so much. Howard said it's rough out there.
Howard said you're never going to change another human being. He said if you don't like who you're with then you have to move on. He said if you're only engaged then move on if he's not happy. He said he's trying to be like Dr. Phil over here. He said he's not sure what to do. Jim said she's moving in with him. He said he does love her. Howard asked what the problem is then. Jim said that's a big jump from a 4 to a 16. Howard said he's having a hard time doing it doggy style. He said maybe he can lock her up a few hours a day so she can't eat.
Howard said if she keeps eating after the marriage ceremony she'll be a size 22 in 10 years. He said a size 16 will be sexy in 10 years.
Howard asked if Jim is in good shape. Jim said he is. Howard asked if the mom is super heavy. Jim said she isn't super heavy but she could drop a good 20 pounds. Howard asked if she makes big doodies. Jim said he has heard she has made some big ones.
Howard took a call from Jim's fiancee which turned out to be Wendy the Slow Adult clips. The guys had Wendy talking about her diarrhea and things like that. Jim
Howard took a call from a woman who said this guy doesn't sound like a prize himself. She asked how he looked when they got engaged. Jim said he had a six pack and he's a body builder. Howard said Jim is having trouble being attracted to this woman at a heavier weight. The woman asked if he has tried talking to her. Jim said he just called the Howard Stern Show. Howard said she has quadrupled in size since he met her. Robin said it's 3 times. Howard said 4 times 4 is 16. Howard asked if Jim would be happy if she was a size 12. He laughed.
Howard said that this guy is describing a fact of life that he's not attracted to her at this size and her eating habits. The woman, Julia, asked if she ate like that before. Jim said that she's working a lot and eating. He said she doesn't go to the gym. Howard asked if her boobs are bigger too. Jim said that they are so that's a positive.
Howard said he claims that when he does doggy style his penis doesn't reach. Jim said that he doesn't have a small dick either. Julia said that he might have to get her on a treadmill like Stuttering John did with his wife.
Jim said that he just spent a lot of money on a new apartment. He said the fiancee is supposed to be moving in. He said his dog is in better shape than she is. Howard said Robin made a good point about this. He said the fact that he's so unhappy means he might want to call it quits. He said the marriage may not last if he's so unattracted.
Howard took another call from Jim's fiancee. They had one of guys in the office calling in with a deep voice yelling about this guy talking about her on the air.
Jim asked what Ronnie thinks about this. Howard had Ronnie come in to talk about this. Ronnie said he didn't hear the whole thing. Howard told him the story as he did an impression of Jim.
Ronnie asked how long he's been married. Howard said he's not married yet. Ronnie told Jim to get out of town. He said he's trying to figure out how she went from a 4 to a 16. He asked if she's comfortable now that she's engaged. Jim said that might be it. He said she's 44 years old. He said she doesn't have any kids. Jim said it kills him that he looks at pictures from 5 years ago and she was a 9 back then. Ronnie asked how long he's been with her. Jim said about 3 and a half years. He said she had a beautiful face. Ronnie asked if he asked her about this yet. Jim said he did mention her diet and she said she's depressed about everything. He said that she has a bad commute and her parents were separated and things like that. He said it's all of that bullshit.
Ronnie asked if it was going on from the beginning. Jim said it was but he never heard a thing about it. Ronnie said he's sure she still has a hot face. He asked if she's going to get help. Jim said he's trying to get her to do anything. He said he's trying to help her out.
Jim said he's worried about her health. He said he's not sure what to do. Jim asked what Howard would do if that happened to Beth. Howard said he had some of that Gelato last night and Beth stays with him.
Howard asked Gary what he would do. Gary said they have to sit down and talk. Howard said that would keep her from eating. Gary said they have to go to a therapist to find out what's going on. Howard said he's right. He said he has to sit her down and tell her that he's upset about her weight gain. He said he loves her and he wants to marry her and he's worried about her. Howard said they should go to a couple's therapy and get it all out on the table. Robin asked what happens when he finds out he's the problem. Howard said then he has to run for the hills.
Gary said that Benjy came in and said that he should assume that she's never going to change and he has to ask himself if he wants to stay with her no matter what. He said that would be real love. Howard said Benjy was with a beautiful woman who loved him for who he was. Howard said maybe they can do that stomach stapling. Jim said he's not sure he'd want her to do that. He said he'd want her to lose it on her own.
Ronnie asked how she gained it so fast. Jim said that she was eating macaroni and cheese in the morning and stuff like that. Howard told Jim not to tell her he called this show. Jim said he won't. He said he's not using his real name anyway.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if he has always had women in distress as girlfriend. She said that some guys go after women like that. She said it doesn't sound like he's helping this situation. She said that he should have done something before she got to a size 16. Jim said he's not the greatest looking guy in the world. He said he's maybe a 7. Howard said maybe he's not a 7. Jim said maybe he's a 3 then. He said he has dated good looking women though. He said that he never cheated on this one. Howard said he's not sure what to do here. He asked Robin for some advice. Robin said she likes the therapy idea. She said they need to communicate. Ronnie said he has to lay that shit out on the table. Robin said if you have a good relationship then you can have these kind of conversations.
Howard said he should buy her a dress for Christmas that's a size 4. When she says that's not the right size you say it is the right size and she should make herself fit into it. Howard asked Jim what he learned today. Jim said he thinks the couples counseling is a good idea. He said he might want to find out why she's unhappy if she's unhappy.
Howard wished Jim luck. Jim said if Bobo calls he wants him to hang up on him. Howard said he has Bobo on the phone actually. He took Bobo's call and asked his advice. Bobo said he thinks he should go for therapy and number 2 just do some romancing with her and try to ease it in. Howard said he can't get his penis in there. Robin said that's not the easing in he was talking about.
Howard asked why he bashed him on Cameo. Erik said someone paid him to do a video. He said when someone pays you to do it he has to do it and not let them down. Howard said he's the one who got him the fame though. Erik said they find him on that site and he has to do them. Howard said you'd think he'd put his foot down and not read it. Erik said that guy is an idiot. He said he's not sure why that guy wrote that script. Robin said Erik is the one who read it though. Howard said he's shitting on the hand that feeds you. He said that it's fine, just read whatever he wants.
Gary asked if Erik is still playing with the toy gun from the TV show. Erik said no. Gary said Shuli is going to come in. Howard said they went over this. Gary said there's more to it.
Shuli said he heard he's taking the prop gun with him when he leaves the house. Shuli said he told Erik that he's going to get shot if he has that gun. He said there's one cop who is fine with it but not everyone is going to be okay with it. He said he should keep it home. Robin said he should just use it on the show.
Howard asked if Erik understands this. Erik said yes. He said it's dangerous to bring out of his house. Howard asked why. Erik said he'll be in big trouble. He said he could get into trouble with the cops or he could get shot. Howard said the guns look like real guns. Shuli said there are regular people out there who could shoot him.
Gary said this is a prop gun so it's made to look like a real gun. Erik said he got the gun from Amazon, not from the set of Blue Bloods like Shuli said. Shuli asked if he has ever flashed a badge at anyone out there. Erik said never. Shuli said he has such a hard on for cops. He said he wanted to go visit the jail in the subway when he rode with him once.
Howard said there are guys who just shove a gun in their waistband. He said you know Erik must have taken it out somewhere. Shuli said he had to have. Howard said he must show it to people. Erik said he brought it out Sunday with him to the police station. Howard said ''holy shit!'' He asked why he did that. Erik said they know he has it on him. He said he shows it to them. Erik said that he takes it out when he's there. Howard said a 12 year old kid was killed by the cops when they though his toy gun was real. He asked how he pulls out that gun. Erik said they know him there. Erik said he has a holster he keeps the gun in. Howard said he's going to end up dead. He said his advice is to get rid of that toy gun. He said just get rid of it.
Howard asked if he wants to own a real gun. Erik said no. Shuli asked if he has shot a real gun. Erik said he has in Vegas with his friend Mike. Howard said what a disaster. He said he has to go. He let Erik go a short time later.
Shuli said he's seen this gun and he looks like a replica of a Glock. Howard said his IQ is low and he's considered Dull but he takes his toy gun to a police station. He said he's the dullest. He said you ask him how he showed it to them and he just pulls out the gun. Shuli did his Erik impression and then Howard said he has to take a break. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and sang along with the Bowie song. He said he has to get ready for his recording session. Robin asked if he has looked at the song. Howard said no. He said he has listened to it twice. He said it's good. He said he's working on it. He said Mark Ronson will be producing. Robin asked if he signed on. Howard said he did. He said they'll be working on it in January. He said he's clearing his schedule. He said whatever producer works with him becomes disillusioned with him immediately. He said he knows what he needs to do though. Howard said Mark knows what to do with him.
Howard said next week is Christmas week on the Howard Stern Show. He said they have Family Feud with Tan Mom and Medicated Pete's families. He said Tan Mom is coming in with her husband and Adam Barta. Robin asked who Medicated Pete has. Gary said it's his mom and Asian Pete.
Howard asked who Robin thinks will win that. Robin said it seems like Pete doesn't want to win. Gary said they asked Tan Mom's adult daughter to come in but she changed her mind. Robin said she didn't know she had an adult daughter.
Howard said they also have the High Pitch Erik gay lie detector test coming up next week. Robin said they get to tell him that he's absolutely gay. Howard said they have to wait for the results of the test.
Howard said he has some media mishaps. He said this is from a Notre Dame football game. He said the announcer said semen instead of season. Howard played that clip and said he has a FOX Sports clip where the guy said sexual qualifying instead of sectional. She didn't correct herself either.
Howard said an anchor for KRON said fart instead of fight. He played that quick clip. Howard said in this clip the guy says cuntdown instead of countdown. He played that and it was a woman who said that. She didn't even go back to correct herself.
Howard said Robin Roberts said boner instead of donor. He played that one and she quickly corrected her mistake. Howard said it's world boner day. He said he has one more. He said this is the local WABC station in New York. He said he said shitting instead of sitting.
Howard said Robin was giggling over that one. Robin said it's funny when it's a real thing like the weather.
Howard said his favorite was cuntdown. He said a correction should have been made. He replayed that clip and asked why they didn't make a correction on that one.
Howard took a call from Apples who said the other day they had a guest on the Wrap Up Show who compared Ralph to High Pitch Erik when it comes to freeloading. Howard said he heard that. He said that's a guy who is a producer and he produced House of Cards and that huge movie Fifty Shades of Grey. Howard said that guy had a bone to pick with Robin too. Gary said he's a superfan of the show and he'll hear Howard getting excited over the movie and Robin will shit all over it. Gary said that they've made over a billion dollars with those movies. Robin said it goes to show that people have no taste. She said money is not a sign of quality. Robin said she doesn't know where that money is coming from. She said people have to be going to see another movie after buying tickets to that. Gary read Robin some numbers. Robin said the books were bad and the movies weren't good. She said it wasn't successful when it didn't make 500 million. Gary said the second movie did $376 worldwide.
Howard said this guy was also a producer for The Social Network. Howard said Robin liked ''Hitch'' and that was shit. Robin said she watched it once and that was it. Howard said she also liked Last Action Hero. Robin said she did and she stands by it.
Howard said what Apples is referring to is that the guy, Dana Brunetti, was telling Gary a story about Ralph. Apples said he gets invited to dinners and he doesn't pay. Howard played a clip of Dana talking about Ralph inviting people to dinner parties out in Los Angeles and he'll never pay the bill. Dana said that Ralph would set up the party and invite 10-15 people and someone else always ends up paying. Robin said she didn't know that. Howard said he has to ask Ralph about that.
Howard said he has had people invite him out to dinner and then they don't pay. He said he's not surprised by this.
Howard said Ralph is on the phone. He asked if this is a true story. Ralph said his connection sounds really weird. He said he'll try to get through this. He said Dana is mad because the new season of House of Cards sucks. He said it really does too. Howard said what he's doing is what Trump does. He said the special council was asked to investigate collusion and he's saying he's being attacked. Ralph said that he's saying that Dana is upset with him because he said the new season of the show sucks. Gary said that he's not taking sides but Dana told him this story long before the new season of House of Cards was even thought of.
Howard asked Ralph if it's true that he would invite people out to dinner and not pay. Ralph said he's not sure what Dana is talking about. He said he invited 10 people out and he paid the entire bill. Howard asked how he paid. Ralph said with cash. He said it didn't bankrupt him or anything.
Howard said you can't invite someone to dinner and not pay. Ralph said he never did. Howard played the Wrap Up Show clip where Dana explained what happened. He said there would be 10-15 people at the dinners.
Ralph said that he's flat out lying. He said he may have been at one dinner with him. He said last time he was out he did invite some people out. Howard said he knows if he goes to dinner with Ralph he's paying because Ralph doesn't have a lot of money. Howard said he doesn't want to pay for his 10 friends. Ralph said that didn't happen. He said he's trying to think back about it. He said Sam Simon threw a party for him and it was for his birthday and Sam paid.
Ralph said he likes Dana but Dana can be a dick. He said that he's trying to think when this happened. He said he's not going to invite people out and do that. Howard said he knows what he does. He said he would call friends and get together for dinner but he thinks he's not the host. Ralph said he does pay. He said if he goes out and he has that many people out there he's not going to pay. He said he may have been in L.A. and he didn't invite everyone. He said that he didn't do this. Howard said he knows he did. Ralph said he doesn't know him. Howard said he odes.
Gary said there's another story floating around. He said the story is that Artie took a bunch of people out and Ralph showed up late and ordered lunch and took it to go on Artie's dime. Howard asked if there's any truth to that. Ralph said he's not sure about that. He said he doesn't remember if that happened. He said he can't stand Artie so he hopes he did. He doesn't remember doing that if he did.
Howard said he has more callers to get to. He let Apples go. Ralph asked if he paid for dinner with Robin the other night. Robin said he did but she got the theater tickets.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if this is High Pitch Cirella. He said that he was saying he may have done some of this. He said it's like Erik saying he didn't threaten anyone's life and then you have proof of it and he admits to it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has a question for his seamstress Ralph. He asked why he has to have him in his life. Howard said he likes Ralph. He said he's a friend. He said he has some abhorrent behavior in his life but not bad enough to not have him as a friend. Howard said this caller is not alone asking about this. He said he likes Ralph. Howard said there are a lot of things he can't deal with so he limits the amount of time he's around him. He said there are accusations about Ralph that he doesn't know the full story. Robin said that Dana seems to think he was at lots of dinners and Ralph made him pay for his meals. Howard said it does seem like something he'd do. Ralph said he's sorry he feels that way. Howard said Ralph has something called dinner amnesia.
Howard said he did pay for Robin's dinner. Robin said they always split it so she pays for the theater and Ralph buys dinner. Ralph said he went to see King Kong and it's so cool. He said Howard should go see it. He said they don't drag it down with a lot of bullshit. He said it's incredible. He said it's fucking amazing.
The caller said he guesses anyone who models underwear for another guy has to be a good friend. Ralph said he was just thinking about Howard chasing him around in his boxers. Howard said he caught him. He asked how bad he looks in his underwear. Ralph said he looks fine. He said Howard is so hard on himself. He said he was hard on himself 20 years ago. He said there was no point when he wasn't so hard on himself. He said there's no reason to be so hard on himself.
Howard said Ralph is a good friend. He said that he's not sure what's going on with those dinners though. He went to break a short time later.
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Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he was wondering what makes Ralph is best friend. Howard said he's not. He said he's just a friend. Howard said most of his friends are not on the air. He said he and Ralph hang out and they have interesting and fun conversations. He said he has a lot of history with Ralph. He said he likes the guy and he feels comfortable with him. He said he likes to tell him about this life and he likes hearing about Ralph's life.
King asked if he has a ''repertoire'' (repartee) with him. Howard said he does. King said that means he's his best friend. Howard said no. He said that he has a really good relationship with his friend Pat. He said that he's close to him. Howard said he likes hearing about his life with his family. He said he has that with Pat. King said he was talking about Ralph and he sounds like a best friend. Howard said he likes Jimmy Kimmel very much but he doesn't get to see him that much. He said he has other friends too. He said that he doesn't have a lot of male friends. He said he inherited that from his father. He said the ones he does he enjoys talking to. He said he sees Ralph once a week for about 10 minutes. He said that can't be a best friend. King said he didn't know that. King said he thought he was going home and hanging out with him. Howard said years ago he did that but not now.
King said it's just an illusion. King asked what song that is. Fred played the cuckoo clock sound. Howard asked why that's so funny to him. Robin said that's not a real laugh. She said it's a transitioning.
Howard said Ralph is close to him and he likes him very much. He asked why that's so shocking. Robin said King had already decided what that relationship was. Howard said he doesn't have much of a life outside of Beth. He said if he's not with her he's working. He said Beth is his best friend. He said he spends all of his time with her. He can't spend time with Ralph.
Robin said he could make time. Howard said he could but he's busy with Beth and his painting and his other hobbies. Howard said he has other things to do.
Howard asked Fred how much they see each other outside the show. Fred said at least once a year. Howard said he only sees Ralph 10 minutes a week. He said he's happy with the way things are. Robin said he could have some richer friendships. Howard said he doesn't want any. Robin said the other night he expressed that he would like that. Howard said he's happy with the way it is. Robin said he likes the animal rescue thing. She said that has enriched his life. Howard said it has. Robin said there are other things that could enrich his life too. Howard said that's enough of that.
Howard said Robin is good. He said she has a whole cadre of friends. He said he's happy for her. He said that's just not him. Robin said it wasn't her either. She said she grew into it. Robin said he shouldn't be saddled into that. Howard said he wants it that way.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked when he's going to admit that Ralph is his girlfriend. Howard said he caught him.
Howard took a call from Balls who said he found something interesting on Twitter. He said Jeff got banned for showing his cock to a fake woman. He said it was clearly a dude based on the comments. Howard said that Jeff wants love so bad that he believes they are girls and he's sending penis pictures. Robin asked what it means if you know they're guys and you send them anyway. Howard said he doesn't know.
Howard read some email about Bobo's ''stupid room'' that he called in from yesterday. He read some email about Bobo being such a boob because that Downtown Disney has been called Disney Springs for 2 years. Howard read more Bobo email.
Howard said that someone wrote in about how he knows nothing about House of Blues or Hard Rock Live. Howard read more about what they have there. Howard said the question was if rock is alive. He said people are going to see old bands playing but there aren't new fans going out to see rock shows. He said Adam Levine knows rock is dead. He said that guy can shred like Prince but in order for him to make a living he has to go with what kids are listening to. He said some kids listen to rock but not that many. He said it's a stupid argument.
Howard said there was controversy over Michael Rapaport. He read some of the negative comments about him coming on and disrespecting the show. Howard said then there were people asking for more Rapaport on the show. Howard read some mail saying that Brent should eat a dick.
Howard said Shuli got some positive email. He read about how funny he was with his impressions yesterday. Howard read a bunch about that and said he had a bunch of home runs yesterday. Howard said people said he was spot on with the Tanner Mom impressions.
Howard said he got some email about Elvis Duran talking about him on his show. He said he met Elvis at the North Shore Animal League event and Elvis didn't have anything to say to him. Howard said he didn't have that repertoire as King said earlier.
Howard took another call from King and asked why he would use that word repertoire the wrong way. King said he just messed up. Howard said he shouldn't use big words if he doesn't know how to use them.
King said he was calling in to ask a serious question earlier and he isn't looking to be up someone's ass. Fred said he thinks that King can't understand the Ralph thing. King said he knows he's not going to be hanging out with Howard. He said if they did he knows they'd have a good time. Howard asked who cares and hang up on King. Fred kept playing King's ''repertoire'' clip.
Howard said he has an email from a guy who said he saved their life. He said the person had a breakdown. They say that the show helped and they're able to live life.
Howard said that they interviewed people about trying to commit suicide and they all say as they were going down they realized they just made the biggest mistake. Howard said this person must have realized that. Howard said they say everyone who survives is glad they didn't do it. Howard asked who wants to be nothing. Robin said the problem is that they see the problem is bigger than they thought it is.
Howard read more email about Shuli and someone said that Sal has a higher IQ than Shuli. The person said that Ronnie may have the highest out of that small group. Howard asked where that's coming from. He said that's signed ''Sal.''
Howard said he has a knock against Robin. He said they say Robin is easily the biggest social justice warrior on the show. They had Robin saying something she didn't say about the song ''Baby, It's Cold Outside.'' Robin said she was just reading a story. She didn't say what the person said.
Howard said someone gave him the real scoop on Daredevil. He said Netflix canceled that. He said that Disney now owns all of the Marvel universe and they want all of that content on their streaming service. Howard said they say that Netflix is going to lose all of those shows in 2019. Howard said he enjoyed that Daredevil thing even if he could pick it apart. He said Iron Fist was really bad though. He said that guy was a douche bag super hero. He said it was the worst one of all. He said Luke Cage was a big bore too. He said he didn't know it could be so boring being a super hero.
Howard said they say that Disney is the reason behind those shows being taken off. Howard said there are going to be too many streaming services out there. He said he's not signing up to every one. Robin said she just started checking out Playstation Vue. She said that's a streaming service from Sony. She said it's got great picture quality. Howard asked what's on it. Robin said she was interested in streaming local stations. She said that it's through the Playstation. She said you don't need the gaming unit. She said it's an app. Howard asked if she's a bad cowboy. Robin said she just didn't want a cable connection. She said she tried other things and this was very good.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who asked if Benjy is going to be involved in Christmas Week. Howard said not that he knows of. Mike said he hopes so. He asked if he gets the strange idea that they aren't delivering mail tomorrow to honor George Bush. Robin said there is no mail delivery on a national day of mourning. Robin said that's true. Robin said they haven't had that in a long time. Robin said there is no mail tomorrow because of that. Howard said he's against that. Howard said he thinks they should be delivering mail.
Howard thanked Mike but Mike asked if it's wrong for news media to talk about the negative things that happened when George Bush was president. Howard said the guy just died so he was thinking that they should let it go. He said they should look at the whole person though. He said he didn't do everything perfectly. He said he's sure he'd admit that. He said he took a lot of stands that he didn't agree with but he was a an honorable man. He said he was a fighter pilot at 18. He said he was a patriot and served his country. He said he was a CIA director and he was vice president an President. He said he did a lot of things right too. He said he was a decent guy. He said he had a civility that we don't see today. Robin said they had that common issue that they had all served back then. Robin said that they had things in common back then when so many people were serving. Howard said he likes a commander in chief who served. He said Clinton and Obama didn't but they were good commander in chiefs.
Howard let Mike go after he was going on and on about the problems in the world. Howard said this guy is making him nervous.
Howard said he watches Narcos on Netflix and he wants to stay in this country even more than ever. He said he's not going anywhere. He said that they make it look like everyone in Mexico is a liar. He said they go to the one honest cop in this season of Narcos and corrupt that guy.
Robin said that what's happening in Mexico is what happens when you have so many corrupt people. Jason said he read Becoming Pablo and that's what Narcos is based on. He said that they were corrupting everyone in government down there based on what they said in that book.
Howard had Ralph back on the line. Ralph said that the guy was wrong about the Netflix and Disney thing. He said that it's crazy that they did cancel it but it wasn't the Disney thing. Howard said Disney does own Marvel now. Robin said they say it may have another life over there at Disney. Howard said he guarantees that it was one of the most watched show. Ralph said they say it wasn't. He said they're way over producing over there. He said they're not paying attention to the good shows. He said the Kominsky Method is really good but it's not enough episodes. He said they're just doing too much over there. Howard thanked him and let him go. He said Ralph knows every show he mentions and has watched all of them. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Robin started her news with a story about Kanye West showing up to that Cher musical. Robin said he was called out for staring at his cell phone through the show. Robin said the guy who played Sonny was the guy who called him out on Twitter. Howard said you should never look at your cell phone during a show like that. He said it's very rude to other people there. Robin said there were people coming in late to King Kong and this woman opened her phone and started staring at it. She said then she was taking pictures and she had to be told 3 times not to do that. Robin said she wasn't sure where her rude ass was from. Robin said at the intermission the rude woman's date never came back. Howard asked what the woman looked like. Robin said she looked like a messed up version of Jennifer Lawrence. Howard said he'd let her do whatever she wants. Robin said it wasn't in a good way she looked like Jennifer. She said she was kind of sloppy. Robin said Kanye actually got back to the guy and apologized for what he did. He said they enjoyed the show. Howard was still trying to figure out what Robin meant about the woman's looks. Robin said she just looked like she might be drunk or something. She wasn't put together. Howard said everything she's saying is giving him a boner. Robin said Ralph didn't have anything nice to say about her.
Robin read a story about NASA saying that aliens may have visited Earth. She said they say that they might not be carbon based so they could go undetected. Howard said oh god. He said stop it. He said no one is visiting us and there are no aliens.
Robin read a story about Chrissy Teigen's Twitter feed being flooded by kids with protective helmets on. Robin said that their child has been wearing a white helmet and people started sending out their pictures to show what their kids look like.
Robin asked if Howard is a vaper a jointer. Howard said he would never do vape. He said it seems unhealthy to him. He asked how that's all working. He said there has to be some chemical involved. Robin said that you're sucking in the vapors. Howard said he doesn't get it. Robin said they say that vaping will get you much higher than smoking. Howard said alright. Howard asked Jason and Brent what they do. Jason said he smokes. He said he thinks that it's better than vaping. Brent prefers smoking too. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said Howard probably knows this but who is the richest Kardashian. Howard said the mother must be. Robin said no. Howard said Kim then. Robin said it's actually Kylie who is worth about 800 million dollars. She could be the youngest female billionaire. Howard asked what she's doing. Robin said she has some kind of cosmetics line. Robin said they say Kim has about 350 million and the others go down from there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he believes there is no alien life out there. He said he has to be really arrogant to think that. Howard asked what he knows about it. The caller said he isn't claiming to know anything but there has to be life out there. Howard said life isn't a movie. He said the aliens don't secretly land so no one sees them. Howard said if they're that intelligent to get here they're not afraid of us. Howard said he hates to tell you that it's a fairy tale. Gary said it was Stephen Hawking's sentiment too. He said if any group can get here they're superior and won't be afraid of us.
The caller asked how he knows they haven't visited us. Howard said there are no aliens. He said that science explains this stuff. Robin said this story is from scientists. Howard said there is no such thing as ghosts. He said the universe is empty. Robin said we're in it. Howard said we're the only ones. He said this is a huge accident. He said the odds of a planet forming with an atmosphere is an accident. Howard said he'd like to think there's an E.T. out there but it's so fucking stupid. He said E.T. was an asshole. He said he's in a closet in Drew Barrymore's house. Robin said he was a kid. He said he came with his parents. Howard said he was not. Robin said he was not a grown man. Howard said he didn't know that. He said that he didn't know he was a child.
Howard said he has Stephen Hawking on the phone to disagree with Robin. He took the call from one of the guys in the back who was doing his Stephen Hawking impression. He said he only has intelligent life in his pants and it wants to invade Robin's black hole.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was watching a special on Mars and they were talking about how fragile out planet is. He said there's nothing out there that they can see that could support life. Howard said they are very lucky to have what they have. Robin said Howard would have been a flat earther back in the day. Howard said no way. He said he would listen to the evidence and take it from there. Howard and Robin argued for a little longer about the alien life thing.
Robin read a story about how Matt Lauer has decided to become a rancher in New Zealand. Howard said they don't know that. Robin said they say he bought a ranch in New Zealand for $9 million. Howard said he read that years ago. He said it's old news. Robin said they think he's about to take up full time ranching instead of trying to make a comeback. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Eddie Murphy having another child which makes it his 10th. Robin said he and his girlfriend have welcomed another baby. Robin said they gave the child a middle name that honors his older brother Charlie who died last year of Leukemia. Howard said they knew Charlie a little. Robin said he was a great guy.
Robin read a story about the nominees for the Grammy awards being announced later this week. Robin said they're delaying it like they're delaying the mail delivery tomorrow. Robin
Howard took a call from E.T. who claims that he is an adult now and he's hot for Robin. He said he wants to put a baby in Robin. Howard asked how this is an E.T. impression. Robin said it sounds like Golum E.T. Howard said put some thought into that and hung up.
Robin read a story about Meghan McCain and Joy Behar getting into it on The View. Robin said that Megan was upset that Joy was doing that during a funeral. Robin had some audio of Joy talking about Trump during the discussion about President Bush's funeral. The two got into a yelling match and they cut away to go to break. Robin said that when you're honoring George H.W. Bush then maybe you don't bring things up like that.
Howard asked why cut to a commercial in the middle of something good happening. He said they finally had some fireworks and then they go to break. Robin said they do stick to commercial breaks pretty religiously. Howard said they had a fight going on. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he wants to see someone with a clear agenda on a show like that. He said that's the first time he'd tune into The View to watch.
Robin read a story about the funeral for the president. Robin said they're wondering who is going to speak. Howard said they announced who is going to speak. Robin said that George Bush is going to speak. Robin said Trump is invited and he will attend. Robin said George H.W. Bush wanted him there. He said there will be others making speeches there as well. Howard said maybe Dana Carvey can pop out of the coffin and do some material. Robin said that won't happen.
Robin read a story about Bush having a service dog that they had sitting in front of the coffin. Howard said he gets sad seeing stuff like that. Robin said the dog's name was Sully. He already has a new family. Robin said they found a new home for him already. Robin said he was a service dog so that's why they have placed him in a new home. Howard wondered if the Parkinson's goes away when you go to heaven. Robin said she would think so. Howard said he's still trying to figure all of that out.
Howard said they're getting a lot of calls asking if he had pizza for dinner last night. He said he did not. He said he reverted back to his shrimp Parmesan. He said he was thinking about pizza all day. He said he told Beth what he said on the air and she was like ''What?'' He asked why he would say that on the air. Howard said it was true. He said she didn't think it was funny. Robin said that's what she was saying about Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson. She said she wasn't appreciating his openness. Howard said Carol Leifer was writing asking if he had pizza. He said he didn't get it. He said he gets the shrimp parm and he scrapes everything off of it. He said he gets the same thing every night and that's just the way he does it. Gary said he was wondering if he likes the flavoring. Howard said whatever he's doing is fine. He doesn't want to answer. He said it makes him happy to scrape it off.
Howard said Sully the dog has 180,000 Instagram followers. He asked who maintains that. Fred played some dog barking clips and Howard asked the dog questions.
Robin read a story about how President Bush will be wearing special socks in his final resting place. Howard asked what's up with that. He asked what's going on when your thing is your socks. He said that would never occur to him. He said he's just happy to have socks on. He said no one sees them.
Robin read a story about a special guest heading to Washington DC to go to the funeral. Robin had some audio of a news report about how Prince Charles will be coming. Robin said the queen is getting very old so she's sending her son who is 70-something. Howard said that's right.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his wife has been up his ass for about 6 months. He said he's been working out and she tells him to go out and have some pizza. He said he wanted to incorporate other things. He said she wanted to just have pizza. He said she thinks that he's taking it too far. Howard said that's like what Beth is doing too. The caller said his wife has her weight under control. He said he's trying to do the same. Howard said that's what he's doing.
Robin read more about the President Bush funeral and who will be going. Howard said they should have people like Ariana Grande there. He said Bill Clinton was having a blast looking at her at Aretha Franklin's funeral.
Robin read a story about President Trump going off on his former counsel Michael Cohen. Robin said some people are saying what Trump is doing is jury tampering. Robin said he's treating people differently if they stand by him or turn on him.
Howard took a call from Hillary Clinton audio clips. The guys were playing her saying some wacky stuff that they had edited together using her audio book clips. They had her saying some crazy things about sex and about Monica Lewinsky. Howard said he loves her eulogy, don't change a thing. He said that was so not boring.
Robin read a story about Brett Favre getting duped by some people on a service where he recorded messages for people for money. They talked about that earlier in the morning.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression talking about President Bush. Sour was going on and on like Gary would do. He was rambling like crazy with a church organ playing behind him. Howard said sometimes Gary will pitch something to him and he'll say okay and Gary will just keep going. Howard asked Gary if he thinks this sounds like him. Gary said he'll just go home and die. Robin asked why he would do that. Sour was still rambling on and on about things that happened in 1991.
Gary said he only takes his call every day talking about how horrible a human being he is. Howard said he dons's say that. He said he's just doing a great impression. Gary said Howard just said he sucks the life out of him. Howard said Gary put out a box of chocolate for the staff and he hasn't stopped eating it. Gary said he had 3 pieces and it's a 4 pound box. He said he's not eating it all. He said he doesn't like some of the stuff with nuts and coconut. He said he likes some of it but not all of the stuff in the box. Howard asked if he likes peanuts in chocolate. Gary said he likes peanut butter and chocolate.
Howard said Joan Jett was playing her heart out at the North Shore Animal League thing and she sounds better than ever. He said she did a whole concert for them there. He said he looked at Gary to say ''Isn't this cool'' and Gary was there eating this chocolate dessert they had. He said Gary was shoveling in his dessert as this concert was going on. Robin said Gary said he was only going to take a couple of bites. She said he was trying to listen to the music and then he just dove in. Gary said he made every effort to not take more than a coupe of bites but it was so good he couldn't stop.
Robin read a story about a man who is able to eat and drink again thanks to a face transplant. Robin had some audio of the guy speaking. Robin said he shot himself in the face. Howard asked if it was accidental. Robin said she doesn't think so. Robin said he lost his jaw, nose and cheeks. Robin said he now has a new face. Robin said he feels like he has his whole life in front of him. Howard said this guy is more understandable than JD.
Robin read a story about Universal working on a movie based on Prince. Howard said they're putting that Prince music to work out there. Robin said they're working on a movie based on his life. They have the rights to a portion of his music catalog. Robin had some Prince songs for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about how Marvel is working on a movie about an Asian super hero. Robin read some details about that. The character's name is Shang-Chi. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about some good news. He said up on the app right now they have the world wide exclusive of Tan Mom's ''Free to be Me.'' He said that's the video for Tan Mom's song. He said that you will see the video for the first time ever on there. He said it features Adam Barta who is actually not featured but it's almost all Adam. Robin said that's a mistake. She said Tan Mom is the attraction. Howard said you can see Tan Mom in there but it's a lot of Adam. He said that a lot of the Tan Mom stuff is the same shot. They played her song while Howard was talking about it.
Howard said they need a transcript of this song. He said this little passage is something they can't rewind just a little bit. He said what she says is what she really wants is the truth to be let out. He said there's even acting in the video. He said they have a story in the video. He said Tan Mom and Adam are in a scene together. Robin said she would have them working in the studio together. Howard said how about they just watch them on TV every day. Robin said just imagine getting her to the studio.
Howard played a clip from the video where they had the acting part. They had Tan Mom asking Adam about what happened to his nose. He says it's a bit of a tanning accident.
Howard asked Robin if she wants to see the video. Robin said she would. Howard said they can watch it even though they're on radio. He told her to check out the screen and played the video for her.
Howard said that you will have endless fun with the app if you get it. He said you download the app and you're in business. He said you have a subscription and you have the app. He said some people don't understand that and think they have to pay more. He said Adam is holding a scepter and Tan Mom is holding him like his girlfriend.
Howard said the video is hypnotizing. He said you can't believe what you're seeing. Robin said he's right. Howard said that they're at a pool party and there's a smoke machine that completely obliterates them. He said the people there seem to be shooting Tan Mom dirty looks. He said you have to watch this thing like 50 times.
Howard said that tan is light compared to when Tan Mom was originally in the news. He said she was blacker than the night. He said her skin was so dark it was crazy. He said she claims she spray tans now. Howard asked Robin to have Gary show her that picture during the commercial. Robin said they have to take that to the street and ask people what race they think she is. Howard said it's a great video. He said he should mention that Tan Mom will be playing Family Feud next week.
Robin said she wants to see more of this video. Howard said the people at home can't see it though. He said he'll show a little more. They showed Robin the picture of Tan Mom and she said it has to be doctored. Fred said ''Holy shit!'' Robin said she looks like she came out of the oven.
Howard played more of the video for Robin. Howard said he has to stop it. It was just a few seconds into it. He said that he wants to watch more but he has to stop it.
Howard said that Shuli has the lyrics there. Shuli gave him the sheet and Howard read through it. He got to the part where she gives that speech. He read through some of that. Shuli said Adam isn't even sure of the lyrics because that's what he wrote.
Howard said Adam may have cleaned that up a little bit. Shuli said there is a stumble in the song too. Howard wondered if people are on the app now watching. Shuli said you can't stop watching this thing. He said he's glued to it. He said he's been watching it for weeks leading up to this. Howard said he should have been there to see this. Shuli said Adam said they had scheduled her for a certain day and it didn't work out for him. He said he hears that they're in the works with a new song. Howard asked what he's hearing. Shuli said he's hearing it might be Yoko influenced. Howard said that's Robin's thing. Robin said they're trying to grab her thunder.
Howard asked if Shuli wants to interpret that bridge. Shuli said he'll do it. He went into his Tanner Mom impression. Howard had him do that build up. Shuli asked for some water as Tan Mom. Howard said then she gets angry. Shuli did his angry Tan Mom voice and then went into the singing part where she goes on and on with her rambling nonsense.
Howard said they say that she had to pee a lot during the shoot and she left the door open every time. Shuli said that she almost spray tanned a $20,000 camera on set too. He said she could have ruined that camera.
Howard said he has some notes about the video. He said it's not known why Adam is holding a scepter. He said there's an ad in the middle of the video for an anti-phishing company that may have helped pay for the video. Howard said they say it took 15 hours to shoot that video. He said Tan Mom shot it on an hour's sleep.
Howard said they say that Tan Mom almost ruined that camera with the spray tan. Shuli said that's the gun at the beginning of the video. He said then they shoot the gun on the table. He said that's the actual one. He said Tan Mom shot herself in the face with it once.
Howard said they say that the director and producer were confused with each other by Tan Mom. He said she thought the overhead camera was a spaceship. He said they thought she meant to say drone. He said there are barely any shots of her singing in the video. Howard said he's remembering this fact about how she was almost removed from a plane for shooting her tanning gun. He said that she keeps it handy at all time. Shuli said she keeps it in a holster like High Pitch Erik keeps that toy gun.
Howard said some people are already watching it. He took a call from a guy who said it's like a bad acid trip watching it. He said they have that ad in the middle of it. He said he's tripping there and then the ad comes on. Shuli said they made that song that's an ear worm and this video is like a worm too. The caller said he'll be looping it on his drive. Howard said he's going to be watching it all weekend.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the video is worth the price of the app right there. Howard said it's free. The caller said that she looks like the woman from Planet of the Apes. Howard said how dare you. Shuli said that as Tan Mom.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he wants that 3 minutes back. He said it was disturbing. Shuli said even the person who hates her the most has to watch this video. Howard said there's sort of a budget there too. Robin said you can't see where they are but it looks like a nice place. Howard said it's a beautiful train wreck. Howard said it looks like they put some money into it.
Howard said this is the best video on the app since Richard shit his diaper. He said his brother in law was talking to him about that. He said that's what people like. He said they should just have Richard do that every day and people would like it.
Shuli said he would have Beetlejuice out with him on the road and he's crafting material and then Beetlejuice comes out and shits his pants and gets huge applause. He said people are posing for pictures with him after he shit himself.
Shuli said Howard's favorite part of the song is in there at the bottom of the page. Shuli sang the part where she sings about not taking off her clothes. Howard and Shuli ended up doing the song as Adam and Tan Mom with Fred playing a music bed.
Howard said that's enough of that. He said it's like McCartney and Lennon there. Shuli said they should do a video. Howard said he enjoyed that. He said he got his inner Adam out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this video is hilarious. He said it really is. He said he has no idea. Howard said they have an idea. He said they think they had something to do with it too. The caller said that Shuli's impression is so on point.
Howard took a call from fake Mohammed Bin Salman who was talking about the video. Howard said he saw him high five Putin. Robin said that was so crazy. Howard spent a minute with him and then let him go.
Robin said the question she has about the video is the fire and smoke everywhere. She said she thought that was interesting imagery. Howard said Tan Mom will be part of the Christmas week special next week. He said the video is up now on the SiriusXM app. He said next week is the Wack Pack Feud with Tan Mom and Medicated Pete's families. Shuli said Tan Mom is upset about the people who are going to be on her team. She said she's upset with Adam one day and her husband the next.
Howard said they have stretched the rules to make Adam part of her family. He said Pete will have Asian Pete there as his family. Howard said his mom will be there too.
Shuli said Tan Mom wants to do a song with him at a show. He said that she's left it all up to him to produce. He said that she wants him to be her back up singer just in case she forgets the song. Howard asked how that's going to work. Shuli said exactly what he was wondering.
Howard said so many people were clamoring for this video. He said they were actually the only ones who wanted it. Howard said they offered to give them the world wide exclusive but no one else was looking for it.
Robin asked why the video is coming out months after the song came out. Howard said it's streaming now. He asked if the song is on Spotify. Shuli said it is on there and in iTunes. He said you just type in Adam's name.
Howard wondered if Tan Mom has made nay money off of the song. He said he'll have to ask that when she's there next week. He let Shuli go after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said this video is so amazing. She said she loves it. She said it made her morning. She said this is the best thing her ex ever gave her, the love for this show. Howard went to break after doing a live commercial read.
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Pocket asked if he's into anal. Howard said he's tried it but it hurt him. He said a couple of women have done it and he doesn't love it. He said he feels doody in there. He said it's poking him. Pocket said it could be the cervix. Howard said he's not sure what it is. Pocket said it's the anal cervix which is also known as doody. Howard said this guy is confusing him.
Howard said vagina is enough for him. He said it doesn't need dressing up. He said if you need to choke and need other stimulation then you may not be into women. Robin said Brent and Ronnie are into toys and things. Howard said there's more to that than you know. He said there's a lot going on there. He said they're working out something else. He said they need love so badly. He said that's not even the right word. He said they need attention so badly that they have to have women shoving things in their ass. Howard said if you're him all you need is that vagina. He said you can play with her titties and then stick your penis inside her. He asked how much more action you need. Pocket said he thinks it's the women that need it. Howard said that's not it. Pocket said he's been broken up with because he didn't choke a woman.
Gary said Brent said he dated a woman who demanded that he choke her. Howard said that she's mentally ill if she does that. Howard said he's not bringing her home to mom. Gary said she was a stripper. He said Brent was afraid he was going to kill her. Howard said go be with a gang member if you want that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she likes to be choked. Howard asked why that is. He asked how old she is. The caller, Bianca, said that she's 30 and she likes to change it up in bed. She said she likes to be submissive in bed sometimes. She said she likes to do whatever he wants. Howard asked what's really going on there. Bianca said she likes the pain from it. She said it's not like she wants to pass out. Howard asked how he knows how much pressure to put on her. She said she'll put her hands on his hands to let him know. Howard asked if she likes putting her life in danger like that. Bianca said she's not. Howard said something could go wrong. He said he could accidentally do something wrong. Robin said he could crush her wind pipe. Bianca said it's possible but it's never happened. Howard asked Bianca if he put her on all fours and told her to go fetch a grape would she like that? She said no.
Howard asked if Bianca is a 10. She said she's like a 7. She said she's not Howard's type. She said she's more curvy. Howard said she doesn't know what his type is. Bianca said she's kind of tall but she has a bit of a pooch. She said it's not disgusting. Howard said it's only going to get worse if she's 30. Bianca said she knows. Howard said she still says she's a 7. She said she thinks she is. She said she has a 36-E cup size. Howard said he's never been with an E. He asked what she weighs. She said 155. Howard said ''Whoa!'' He asked if she's 7 feet tall. She said she's 5'8'' and Howard said that's a lot of weight. Bianca said she wears it well.
Howard said she's telling him that they're having foreplay and he throws a grape across the room that would turn her off. Bianca said she doesn't want to crawl on the floor. Howard said he saw that on YouPorn the other night. He said he beat off to that. Bianca said she's not going to crawl on the floor. Howard said a guy choking her is less offensive to her than crawling. Bianca said she guesses so. Howard said that would be scary to him.
Howard asked if Robin has ever been choked. Robin said heck no. She said she never asks for stupid stuff. Bianca said they take risks every day driving to work. Howard said that's ridiculous. Howard asked if she had something happen to her in her life that did this to her. Bianca said no.
Howard said if they're in bed and she takes her clothes off when does the choking come in. She said a couple of minutes after he puts it in. Howard asked if she likes it from behind. She said that's fine but she prefers missionary. Howard asked if she likes her hair pulled. She said yes to that. She said she likes being spanked too. She said that she likes having her tits smacked too. Howard asked how hard. She said a love tap is about it. Howard said he's never smacked someone's tits.
Howard asked if she likes to be called names. Bianca said yes to that too. Howard asked if he can pee on her. She said no to that. Howard said the rules are tough with her. Howard asked what guys have called her. She said maybe slut. Howard asked if ''fucking cunt'' is too much. She said it might be. Howard asked if she's into fisting. She said she has tried it on another woman and it made her almost pass out. She said she'd never want it done to her.
Howard asked if he called her a smelly pig would that turn her off. She said it would. Howard said the line with her is hard to find. She said that she and her husband have been together a long time so they know each other. Howard said it sound like she has some other women in there too. She said she just brought one home recently. She said that it was just a couple of weeks ago. She said she found her online. Howard asked if she lets her husband fuck other women. She said only in front of her.
Howard asked about the girl she met online and what she did with her. She said they met at a bar and they knew what they were meeting up for. She said they were checking to see if they were being cat fished. Howard asked what app they were on. She said it's kind of like an adult social living web site. She said it's kind of a swingers web site but they don't swing.
Robin asked what kind of work she does. She said she's a teacher. She said that the web site they're on is something you have to join so they aren't going to tell anyone. She said the other people on there are freaks just like she is.
Howard asked more about the woman she met and how that all worked. Bianca told Howard about how they send pictures back and forth and then they'll do some sexting. She said that the other woman was solo. Howard asked what the husband does while she's doing things with this woman. She said they might have sex after. She said he doesn't really jerk off to it. Howard asked what kind of pictures she sends to her. She said it's mostly tittie pics. Howard asked if the other woman was a 7 like her. Bianca said she was pretty. Howard asked if she had E boobs. She said they were big. She said she and her husband are both boob people.
Bianca told Howard about going to the bar and drinking soda. Howard said that she might want to lay off the soda. She said she should. Howard asked what happened when she showed up. He asked if she was all dolled up. Bianca said nope. She said she was wearing a sweater and jeans and heels. She said she looked nice. Howard asked what Bianca was wearing. She said it was the same kind of thing. She said she had a tank top on with a cardigan over it or something. Howard said she was all ready for sex. Bianca said she was. She said she had a sexy bra and underwear on. Howard said there's so much going on out there in America. Bianca said there really is.
Howard asked if she starts making out with her at the bar. Bianca said no. Howard asked if they eventually ask her to go back to their place. She said that's what happens. Howard asked how long it takes to get back to their place. She said they try to find someplace close. Howard asked if it all goes down right away. Bianca said it can take an hour or hour and a half to get things going.
Howard asked what takes so long. Bianca said they'll talk about boundaries and things like that. She said she liked being choked too so they talk about that stuff. Howard asked who gets the party started. Bianca said her husband will get it going. She said he'll ask them to do stuff. She said they start doing that and then her husband will come in and start kissing them. She said they'll undress each other and things like that.
Howard said if he was the guy he'd be more into the other woman. He asked if she worries about that. Bianca said not at all. She said she's there at the end of the night. She said it really turns her on to see him fucking another woman. She said he will be fingering her while he's fucking the other woman. Howard asked how long the guy can last. He said he wouldn't last a second. Bianca said quite a while. She said maybe 2 hours. Howard asked if he beats off before they go out. Bianca said no. Howard said he must numb his penis. He asked how a guy lasts that long with two naked chicks going down on each other. Bianca said he does it. She said he has a big penis too. She said he's like 7 1/2. Howard said everyone is running around with a big penis. He asked where he finishes. She said he'll ask where to go. Howard asked where she likes it. Bianca said she likes it on her tits. Howard said everyone is having a party out there.
Howard said she sounds like a lot of fun. Bianca said it is fun. She said it's just once in a while. She said it spices things up. Howard said he doesn't last that long. He said Beth wouldn't want him to go 2 hours. Bianca said that it doesn't always go that long.
Howard asked Gary what he thinks about this. Gary said he's hearing stories from both Brent and Benjy about how they've done stuff like that. He said that Steve Nowicki told him a girl used to beg him to punch her in the face while they were doing it. He said he refused to do it.
Howard said this is wild stuff. Bianca said they tape it too so they can watch it as their own porn. Howard said that the other woman must be afraid of that. Bianca said not at all. She said they have a lot of tapes of that stuff. She said that they don't put it out there so they don't have to worry about that. Howard said that web site is smoking. He wondered if the students in her class want her. Bianca said they're young so they don't. Howard said she'd be surprised. Howard said he used to beat off to his 3rd grade teacher. Howard said he remembers looking at this one teacher who was a student teacher. He said he was in 2nd or 3rd grade. He said that was Mrs. Weinstein.
Bianca said she was into a teacher and he wanted nothing to do with her. Howard asked who she looks like that's famous. Bianca said maybe Ashley Graham. Howard said he's not sure who that is. Fred said she's a plus size model. Howard asked if she looks like Mama Cass. Bianca said no she doesn't. She said she is Italian. Robin said Ashley Graham is smoking hot. She said she looks like that Eva Mendes. Howard said now she's talking. Bianca said she has that Mediterranean look to her because she is Italian. Robin said this Ashley Graham has a gorgeous face.
Howard took a call from a woman, Julia, who wanted some advice from Bianca. She asked how you get a girl to come in with you and your man. Bianca said they're on this web site and it's a swinger type of site. She said you can check off boxes to tell people what you're into. Howard asked if it costs money to join. Bianca said no.
Gary had some pictures of Ashley Graham for Howard to check out. Howard said this is ridiculous. He asked if she's as big as that. Bianca said no. Julia asked if the woman came to her house. Howard said they just told the whole story. She went on the web site. Howard asked if Julia is looking for something like that. Julia said she went to a swingers type club and didn't have sex. She said she did lick a girl. Robin asked if she liked it. She said she did. Howard asked if she's plus size too. Julia said no, she's petite. She said she's maybe 110 pounds. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said there you go Bianca or whatever your real name is. She said it is Bianca. Howard said he has another woman on the phone who likes to be choked. It was the guys in the back calling in as a couple. The guy choked the woman and she ended up dying.
Howard thanked Bianca for calling in with that. He said he likes that Brent and Benjy are the ones choking women. He said that's two of his ugliest staffers having all of this wild sex. He said he's not sure what that is. He said he doesn't need that. Benjy got on Gary's microphone and said a lot of women are into it and it's a niche that you can find on the internet. Howard said he's not sure what to say to this. Robin said he was saying he would look for freaky women so he could get them.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his George Takei impression talking about the sex he and Brad have where they choke each other out. He said he's choking Brad now. He made the sound of choking him out.
Howard asked if Robin learned anything. Robin said no. She said that Benjy was trying to say something there about finding women that are easier to get.
Gary said that Brent just said he never said he was good looking. He said he's cool and has a good rap. Howard said as soon as you say that you're cool and have a good rap, you're not cool. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said Jon was telling him about this Les Moonves article and he was up to all kinds of shenanigans. Jon said CBS hired two law firms to figure out if Les deserves his severance package. He said they found out that a CBS employee was on call to perform oral sex. Howard said he would like to ask Les about that and how that worked. He said that's Fred's job there with him but he'd like to know how that worked. Jon said they heard that Les had someone on call to perform oral on Mr. Moonves. He said they believed that the woman was protected from termination because of that.
Howard asked if the woman was working there doing something. Jon said they say that Les did say it was consensual sex and she was a subordinate. Howard asked how he'd signal Robin if he needed a blow job.
Howard said he has been in the room with Les and he is a disgusting man. He said this poor woman has to blow him? He asked if she can do it once and go home. Jon said they say she was on call and other people there were aware of it. Robin said just imagine you know your boss is up to this.
Jon said they also say that he had some things going on there that were transactional. Howard said that's wild. Jon said they also say that his sexual misconduct may have stopped after he married Julie Chen. He said that's a bright line of when that stuff stopped in 2004.
Howard wondered if when Julie is on Big Brother if she's going to go with Julie Chen Moonves. Jon said he thinks so. Robin said she's sticking with him no matter what.
Howard wondered how he got that woman to blow him and how that all worked. He wondered if he had a bell or a buzzer. Fred played some sound effects for him. Howard said Les probably hired a whole staff of people to write news for Julie to read. He said that they have her watching stuff saying Les was a great guy.
Howard wondered how many women there were there. Jon said they say there was the one on call and at least 4 others there blew him. Howard did his Les impression and said he needs more details. He wondered how you get hired for that and how Les signals her for that. He wondered if she would get fired when Les gets sick of her. Robin said she had a permanent job. Jon said that Les says it was consensual. Robin said if she's being paid for it of course it's consensual. Jon said his lawyer says he never kept anyone on the payroll for sex. Howard did his Les impression telling Julie about all of this.
Howard said that Les probably thinks they're just coming up with this stuff so they don't have to pay him. Jon said there's more to this story. Howard was still doing his Les impression talking about how Jon is just that guy from the Wrap Up Show. He talked about how he used to be king and he could have whatever he wanted. He said it was consensual and he has the checks to prove it.
Jon said here was a board member who knew about this and he was defending him right up to the end. He said he passed away a couple of months ago. Howard did more of his Les impression talking about all of that stuff.
Jon said last year there was a secret resignation letter drafted for him. He didn't sign it. Howard said Les doesn't seem too embarrassed by this either. He said they caught him out at a restaurant and he acted like nothing was going on. He said the Paparazzi was hounding him and he had to act like it was no big deal. Howard played the clip and these guys are asking Les and Julie questions. They were asking Julie if she was going to have another talk show soon. Howard said she's answering while gritting her teeth. Robin asked why go out. Howard said they ask what's going on with Les too. Les said he's retired. He kept repeating that he's retired. Julie said ''Thanks guys and good night.'' Howard said Les is retired. He said he's not getting blow jobs anymore.
Jon said there was that story about Bobbie Phillips story too. He said they discovered that he had deleted tons of texts to her manager. He said they asked for his iPad and he gave them his son's so they wouldn't see that he had deleted them. Jon said the other person may have evidence of those texts.
Howard did his Les impression and had him talking to the Paparazzi. Howard said that's some move to give the investigators his son's iPad. Jon said the lawyers found him to be evasive in the investigation. He said they think he won't get his $120 million severance package. Robin said you know they want to give him the money but this will show the public what he was really up to. Robin said if they give him that money they're condoning this behavior. Robin said Julie must feel goo that he gave up the girl in 2004. Howard said Les had a good thing going there. He said Julie came into his life and he gave it up.
Howard said if your job is to blow Les and he gets tired of you do they just move you to a new position and bring in someone else. Jon said he doesn't think you'd stay in the company. Howard said good job to Jon for telling that story from the NY Times.
Robin said Julie joined CBS in 1999. She asked when Les stopped doing stuff after noticing Julie. Howard said there may have been some overlap. He said he'd say sure to that probably happening. Robin said Julie just has to deal with that overlap then.
Howard said there's no way Julie started out as a blow job girl. He said if she was he'd option that into a movie. He said that Les must tell her that he's a changed man. He said he loves that he was suing him. He said he just had to sue him for nothing. He said Les didn't even know why he was suing him. He said he bullied him pretty well. He said he should have just blown him. Howard said he had some things up his sleeve to get back at Les in that lawsuit. Howard went to break after doing a live commercial read.
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Howard asked what happened. Jim said he did talk to his therapist and he mentioned it to her. He said that what she said was what they basically said. He said he does love the girl and it's obvious. He said he almost died in June and she was right next to him. He said she stayed with him every second during that. Howard asked what happened there. Jim said he was in a car accident.
Howard asked what he said to her. Jim said he told her that he knows she's stressed out and he's worried about her health. He said she was upset that he was upset that she's fat. He said he's worried about her health though. He said that was pretty much what he was getting at. He said he got a lot of shit for that. He said she was going off on him over that. Howard said it wasn't just about her health. He said it was about his attraction to her. He asked Robin if he should have said that. Robin said she doesn't think he's gotten to that point yet. She said he has to work into that.
Howard asked what he outcome is. He asked if she's pissed off. Jim said she is upset and he hopes she's able to get healthy. He said he's going to start going to the gym with her. He said he'll do what he has to do.
Howard said some of the email said that the anti-depressant drugs can cause you to gain weight. Jim said he talked to the doctor about that and they said that's bullshit. Jim said everyone has skeletons in their closet. He said he had a problem in his life too and he's just calling in to thank him for helping out with that. Howard said thanks and let him go. Robin said she's not sure they helped if she's pissed.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had the same problem as this guy. He said he was a fat fuck and his girlfriend said he had to do something about it and he lost 100 pound when she called him out on it. Howard said you can't tell a woman she's fat. He said guys are different. The caller, Mike, said he's 100 pounds lighter and he's in much better shape now.
Howard said he went to visit his parents when he was overweight and his parents called him out on it. He said they sat him down and asked what was going on with his weight. He said they told him he was heavy and told him to get with it. He said they started telling him what a fat ass he was and he lost the weight. Howard said he was like 29 when they did that.
Howard said there are people you call for money to play Santa. He said they had Asian Pete call one of those guys and fake Santa ended up hating him. He played the clip and Pete was telling Santa what he wanted but Santa didn't understand what he was saying. Santa told him to send a letter to him instead. Santa said ''Oh Jesus'' after he said something he didn't understand. They had Marfan Mike on the line playing his father. Santa said he doesn't have time for this nonsense as he was hanging up.
Howard said he must have just had it. Robin said she wasn't buying him as Santa for a second. Howard did he was.
Howard took a call from a guy named David who wanted to play the Sal game. Howard said they have an SVS Sound System to give away. Howard gave them a plug and asked how he likes that. David said that sounds good.
Howard said they're going to play the Sal Pronunciation Game. Howard said everyone loves it. He asked David where he's from. David said he's from Raleigh, North Carolina. Howard said they're going to play a game where they ask Sal to pronounce some words. He said they even said the word for him. Gary said they showed him the word on a piece of paper. Howard said they showed him the word and asked if he can pronounce it.
Howard said the first word was Fortuitous. He asked if David thinks he can pronounce that word. David said he is kind of dim witted. Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said no. David said no. Howard played the clop and Sal said it correctly.
Howard said that was just a test question. Howard said Sal's IQ is 102 so that's barely room temperature. Howard said to win he has to get 3 out of 5 right. Howard said they asked Sal to say ''superfluous.'' He asked David what he thinks. David said he won't get it right. Howard played the clip and Sal said it like ''super-Flu-us.''
Howard said they asked Sal to say the word ''imperialistic.'' He asked David what he thinks will happen. Robin said she thinks he can. David said he thinks that he'll get it right. Howard played Sal saying it and he said it the right way. Howard said David is almost there. He said he just needs one more right. He said Sal is a guy who wanted to fuck Tan Mom so keep that in mind. He said what threw him off was Fred hitting the buzzer. Fred said it sounded wrong at first.
Howard said they asked Sal to pronounce the word ''effervescence.'' Howard asked David what he thinks. David said no way he'll get that. Robin said she thinks he'll get it right. She said it's a word that's commonly used. Howard played Sal's answer and he said it ''Effer-esense.'' He got it wrong. David won the prize. David asked if Howard could go back and tell young Howard one thing what would it be. Howard said he'd tell him not to hire Sal. Howard put David on hold so they could get his information.
Howard said he would go back and tell himself to wipe better. He said he'd try to stop 9/11 from happening. Or maybe he'd tell himself to invest in Apple stock. He said there are a lot of things he'd tell his younger self. He said he'd tell himself to get into therapy earlier. Robin said that stuff may not help you later in life. Robin said he could just tell himself not to let this stuff bother him so much later in life. Howard said he'd tell himself to wipe better.
Robin said if he had less stress maybe he would have had more time to paint and things like that. Howard said his parents were better at taking over his brain. He said he would have told himself to learn guitar. He said that he would tell himself that he shouldn't worry about Les Moonves suing him because he has this blow job story. Howard said that's what he'd tell himself. He said he'd also show young Howard porn so he'd know how to bang better. Robin said old Howard might get arrested for doing that.
Howard said he would tell himself about porn and about Les and the blow job girl. He said he'd tell himself not to waste time with religious lessons. He said he'd also say get into therapy as soon as possible. Howard said he'd also tell him that Bill Cosby is going to be in jail for rape.
Howard said he would tell himself about OJ Simpson and warn Nicole Brown about that. He said he'd tell a young Howard to keep Benjy outside the studio. Robin said he may not even be doing radio if he could go back. Robin said he might not be the same man if he went back.
Howard asked if Sal can say ''Objectification.'' Robin said that should be in his wheelhouse. She said she's going to say no. Howard played his answer and Sal said it correctly.
Howard asked about statistician. Robin said no. Sal had a real problem saying that one. Sal got on his microphone and said he got it right at the end. Howard had him say it again. He said it wrong a couple more times. Howard had him say it a few more times and he kept getting it wrong. He was saying it like ''Stats-istician.'' Howard said this has to go up on the app as soon as possible. Howard had JD say it right. JD said it and then Sal got it right. Howard said he's got such a low IQ.
Howard said they had Sal do this thing for a pretend job to see how he'd do in the real world. He said he's so fucking out of it. He said they have done this with JD, Medicated Pete and a bunch of others. He asked Sal if he has any idea how he did in this job interview. Sal said he didn't want to hear this. He said he's already embarrassed. He said he thinks he did well but he's making his stomach turn now. Howard said you'll see in a minute how bad he did.
Howard said that he has to just talk to Robin about this. He said they asked Sal to tell them something negative about him that his coworker's would say. Howard said he'd say something like they call him ''Mr. Works too hard.'' He said that's how you answer that. Sal asked if he didn't do something like that. Howard said just wait until Robin hears that. Howard said you tell them that you're too meticulous and they make fun of you for that. He said you don't tell them what Sal tells them.
Howard said Sal over shared a lot. He said after one question he mentioned his marriage has ups and downs. He said he's fucking nuts. Howard said she just asked him to tell her about himself. Howard said just listen. He played the clip and Sal was talking about what he does for a living and how he's a father of 3. Sal said he likes to fish and have fun. He said he's had his ups and downs in his marriage and now he's in a good place. Howard asked why he would volunteer that.
Howard said Sal was asked to name something that he crossed the line with at work. Sal brought up the time that he got kicked out of Howard's wedding for suggesting that he thought Howard wanted him to do something wacky there. Sal got into a long explanation about that whole thing.
Howard said this is the point where Sal got uninvited from his wedding. He played a clip from the show where Sal said he was thinking that he should do something there. Howard told Sal not to come to his wedding. Sal asked him not to do that. Howard kicked him out. Howard said there wasn't a Sal insight at his wedding.
Howard said Sal was way to honest in this interview. The interviewer asked Sal if he has ever had any issues with human resources. Sal over shared too much. He told her the story about his screw up about his apology he had to make after saying something on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he still doesn't understand that wasn't really human resources. He said that was someone they hired to be human resources.
Howard said that this is Sal talking about that black baby thing on the Wrap Up Show. He played the clip from that day when Sal was out of his mind saying racist stuff. Howard said they had a fake H.R. Person call Sal and he still doesn't get that it was a fake thing. Sal said he thought that it was a real H.R. thing that triggered it. Howard said it wasn't. Howard played Sal's recorded apology for those comments.
Howard said Sal is such a boob. He said he loves that he still hasn't figured out that wasn't H.R. Sal said he's glad now. Gary asked if he thinks that black people don't work at accounting firms. Sal said that's not what he was saying. He told Gary to stop making this bigger than it is. He said Gary is always trying to get something out of you like a sleazy attorney. He said it's water under the bridge. Sal said he learned that anyone can do anything they want, just leave him out of it.
Howard asked what race works at accounting firms. Sal said that's a loaded question. Howard asked what he really thinks. Sal said he's being cornered there. He said he can't answer that. He said he's not sure what to do. He let out a sigh. He said people are getting fired over Twitter. He said he's not answering a question like this. He said his opinion is no opinion. He said he's out of this. He said he doesn't care if a giraffe is an accountant. He said he doesn't care if you shoot a hippopotamus out of your twat. Do what you want.
Howard said this is the first job interview that he's heard someone mention piss porn in. Howard said Sal would never get a job if he was looking for one right now. Howard played another clip where Sal talked about things being discussed on the show and he has discussed liking ''piss porn'' on the air before. Howard said she's dialing the police. Howard said you know women find that disgusting. He said don't mention porn at all. Sal said he guesses so. He said he was just being honest.
Howard said at the start of the interview the woman asked what people would dislike about him the most at work. He said this is where Sal really screwed up. He played the clip and the interviewer asked Sal what they would say about him there at work in a negative way. Sal said they would call him a racist, a pervert and some other things like that. She asked why they would say that. Sal said that's because they only hear what he says. Howard asked Sal if he understands the difference between a therapy session and a job interview. Sal said he was so focused on being honest. He said he didn't want to come off as disingenuous. Howard said he knows Gary talks behind his back. He said he'll say that he over explains everything. Howard said that's what he would use in a job interview and he'd say that he wants things done right. He said that's how you handle that question.
Gary said he said all of those things about himself and he said that they would think that because those are the words that come out of his mouth. Howard said they'd be going with another candidate after that interview.
Howard said he's a fucking weirdo. Sal said he's not. He said he's proud that he was honest. Howard said don't be proud about anything he did in this job interview. He said he belongs in jail, not at that job. Robin asked if he would give himself that job. Sal said probably not. Howard said of course not. He said he has to hear that answer again. He played the clip again where Sal told the interviewer what the person who dislikes him the most would say about him. Howard listened again and laughed. He said Sal is a fucking maniac. Sal said they're just making their own conclusions without knowing all of the facts. Howard said he should have gone right to the piss porn answer.
Howard played more of Sal explaining why people think he's a pervert and a racist based on hearing 3 minutes of something he said. Sal said it is a little odd hearing that back now. He said he said racist stuff and then turned it to sexual stuff.
Howard said he has learned that Sal is creeped out by Sal. He said he's not done yet. Sal said they have to go to commercial.
Howard played a clip where the interviewer asked if he's ever upset his boss. Sal said he's upset him many times. Sal told her about picking up his megaphone shouting at people with it and they had a private meeting over that. He said you'd rather have Howard air his feelings on the air. He said in some odd way it's entertaining to someone when he's beating you up. Howard said he had to pull Sal aside that day. Sal said he remembers. Howard said Sal once put ketchup on his forehead and got up yelling that he was an Indian. Sal didn't remember that. Jason said he does. He said he started singing like an Indian. Howard said most people around there know not to touch his stuff. Not Sal though.
Howard said this interviewer asked Sal why she should hire him. He had a hard time with that. Sal asked her why she should hire him. She said it doesn't work that way. Sal had a tough time coming up with an answer. Sal said he's not sure how to answer that and it's an odd question. Sal said he thinks he's said enough. She asked him why he thinks he should. Sal said he's dedicated and he works hard. He said he's a team player and he thinks that he's dedicated. He left her saying he hopes he didn't scare her too much. Howard said he should have told her that he now knows not to masturbate at work. Sal said he did learn that. He didn't need to tell her that.
Howard said they asked Sal how he thought he did in that interview and he gave himself an 8 out of 10. Sal said he now thinks it was a 3 or 4.
Howard took a call from a woman who said for many years she was a probation officer at a jail and that's where Sal belongs. She said he speaks just like sex offenders who are incarcerated. Howard said this woman wouldn't want to be alone in a room talking to a man about piss porn. Sal said she asked him about his past there on a radio show. Howard said he doesn't need to bring that up as an example.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this guy is killing him. He said he's not sure what it is. He said Sal is an idiot. Sal walked out of JD's office after saying he's had it. Howard said he has to get Sal ready for when he retires. He said it's better he does it there than on the real job interview. Sal came back sounding really down. Sal said he's probably going to be hanging with Howard in his future projects. Howard said he'll be retired. Sal said he'll probably continue to pursue... He just gave up talking.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how Sal got caught masturbating. Howard asked Sal how he got caught jerking off. Sal said he thought the door was locked. He said he that this guy had a key because it was after hours. He said it was an engineer there. Sal said he had his cock out and he was jerking off. Gary asked if this guy really had a key. Sal said he did see the lock turning. He said it was Thom and some other guy. He said he was with another person. He said they didn't see him doing it. The caller asked what other job that could happen at.
Howard said this is fucking unbelievable. Robin said when he said he was going to play some answer she didn't think they could be this off the mark. Howard said he's not sure how he got a job as a stockbroker. Sal sounded really down. He said he must be good at giving awful job interviews.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him to ask a few more questions to see if he has really figured this out. Howard said he once told one of the DJs there that he wanted to do something to her. Sal told him to calm it down. Gary said he wanted to squeeze something. Sal cut it off saying that he wants to move on from that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Sal is the hometown hero in Hicksville. Howard said he loves Sal too and he puts up with this. Sal said he's proud that he was honest in that clip. He said he has learned that he ''needs to be me.'' Howard said you don't talk about some of that stuff in an interview. He said that he's not lying about things but you don't have to get into some of that stuff.
Howard said he took Sal under his wing. He said he could probably work at the White House. He said he's not sure about anywhere else. Howard thanked Sal for the game. Sal thanked him for hiring him. Howard said he's the best. Howard said Sal got his job in a contest. He said there was no job interview. Sal said he did well in that contest. Howard said he came in second to Richard. Howard asked if Sal could say posthumously. Sal said he thinks so. Howard played his answer and he said it wrong.
Howard asked if he can say utilitarian. Sal said he can. Howard played his answer in the game and he got it wrong. Howard had him say it again and he was fine. Sal spelled it and got it wrong. Howard said it was close.
Howard asked Sal what he wanted to be growing up. Sal said he wanted to be a garbage man. He said as he got older he wanted to be an Italian teacher. Howard said he didn't know he spoke Italian. Sal said he does. Howard had him say JD is a great guy and he's happy he got married. Sal said it in Italian. Howard said that's impressive. He had Sal say he loves watching piss porn. Sal did that too. Howard said wow. Sal said it's been fun but they have things to do. Howard let him get back to work.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said at least he wares his heart on his sleeve. She said it's nothing like Les Moonves. She went off on Les for a second before Howard cut her off. Howard went to break after that.
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Tan Mom said that some guy didn't make it to the screening and he was the producer. She said he did the acoustics on the whole song. She said he's wonderful and she's sorry he got cut out of it. Howard thanked her for the call. He played some outtakes of her. Tan Mom said she's looking forward to Monday when she'll be in there. Howard said he's looking forward to that too. Howard said the best Christmas gift is the gay lie detector test with High Pitch Erik.
Howard said it's time for news. They played Robin into it with a song parody. Howard said that was James Cargill and Daniel Mendelson who teamed up for that one. Howard said that's a creepy supergroup.
Howard said he also has Adam Barta on the phone. He congratulated him on the new video too. He said the fans are loving it and eating it up. Adam thanked him for that. He said that this has been life changing for him. Howard asked Adam why he's got a scepter in the video. Adam said it's so intellectual on so many levels. He said Tan Mom is in a dream world and he's the spirit guide in the video. He said that there's so much subtext in this video. Howard said now he'll go back and watch it again. He thanked Adam for the call. He congratulated him once again. Adam said they'll be recording a new song on December 28th. He said that she wants it to be ''Money Maker'' so they may call it that. Howard said he's looking forward to that too.
Robin started her news with a story about Cardi B getting good news and bad news in the same week. Robin said she's getting all kinds of recognition but she also had to go to court over assault charges. Robin said she's got a crazy up and down kind of life. Robin said she didn't show up for court and if she doesn't show up next time she's going to be in real trouble. Robin said she claimed she had a previous engagement so she wasn't able to make it. Robin had some audio of Cardi talking about trying to work things out with the father of her baby. She said they aren't together anymore.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked about Memet and what's going on with his girlfriend. Howard wondered if she's still going to wear a tittie dress to the Christmas party. Robin said they may not know anything until then. Howard asked Memet if he has an update. Memet got on a microphone and said she can wear whatever she wants to. He said she talked to him about it. Howard asked what she said. Memet said he may have come off as a bit of an asshole. Howard said not you. He asked if he knows what she's wearing. Memet said he's seen a few options and he's happy with what she's going to wear. Howard asked if he's really happy with it. He said he was made to realize that he was wrong for saying what he said. Robin said they have another Sal there. Gary said Memet is back. Howard asked if she was uncomfortable with him talking about it. Memet said he realized he came off as a bit of an asshole. Howard said he was just being human wanting her to wear a tittie dress. Memet said she's going to look amazing. Howard asked what he can tell them about her outfits. Memet said they're down to 3 choices. He said he's not sure what he should say. He said they are sexy but formal. Howard said that's all they're going to get. He said they're looking forward to seeing what she picks. Howard said he told her that it was a slutty kind of prom. He said he hopes she gets that memo.
Robin read a story about the Forbes list of people on social media who earn the most. Robin said that the number 1 person on the list is a 7 year old boy named Ryan who reviews toys for other kids. Robin said he earned $22 million in 2018. Robin said they take the video advertising profits and other sources of revenue. Gary said the toy companies have figured out that paying this kid is worth more than buying ads on television. Gary said he knows a guy who says his kid would rather watch this kid unboxing toys than actually play with the toys. Robin said that the number 2 top earner is Jake Paul. She said he earned 21 million last year. Robin went through some other top earners. She had details about a group of guys who are making money doing stunts and stuff. Howard said he doesn't mind a guy making money doing that. He said a child opening a box of toys is what he doesn't like. Robin said this is how people are making money now. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a cruise ship couple who wound up finding out they were recorded on video in their room. Robin said a woman is now suing a Hampton Inn for recording her while she was in the shower. Robin had some audio of this woman talking about what happened to her.
Robin read a story about a donor uterus. She asked if Howard has ever heard of that. Howard said he hasn't. Robin said a woman in Brazil gave birth through her donor uterus. Robin said this is a first for a transplant like that. Robin said the woman was born without a uterus. She had the transplant in 2016 and she gave birth last December. Howard said it would be a good super hero if they had a kid born in a donor uterus. He said no one steal that. Howard said that he could be Uterus Man. Robin said how about Utero. Howard said that's good. He was making up powers the guy could have.
Robin read a story about the next host of the Oscars that will air in February. Robin said it will be Kevin Hart. Howard asked what happened to Jimmy. Robin said he doesn't want to do it anymore apparently. Robin said that people like Jimmy and Ellen don't want to do it anymore. It's too much pressure for too little money. Robin said they expect hosts to boost the ratings. Howard said he told Jimmy that he should get a shit load of money to do that job.
Robin said today is the day they will have the funeral for George H.W. Bush. Robin said it's happening this morning. Howard said he teared up watching Bob Dole getting lifted up out of his wheelchair. He said he's 95 years old and he doesn't have use of one arm because he got shrapnel in his arm. Howard said they wheeled him up to his casket and this guy lifts him up and Bob Dole lifts his left arm and salutes Bush. He said he fucking cried. He said he actually shed a tear. He said forget the politics. He said they were war heroes and they were brave. He said they were opposites in politics but at the end of the day they were friends. Robin said all of these guys had that common background of having been in war. Robin said they were able to talk to each other about that because of that thread. Howard said it was such a touching moment. He said they're getting older and you see Bob Dole lifting up out of his wheelchair. Robin said they were very powerful men. She said they strode through the world in a very big way and they end up in wheelchairs. Howard said he doesn't like any of it. Robin said Bush's son George will be giving a eulogy. She had some audio of his daughter talking about how he's getting ready for that.
Howard said he has George Takei audio clips on the phone to talk about George Bush. Howard picked up and the guys played clips of George Takei saying things about bush that they had edited together. they had him saying that he loves George Bush because of his pectorals and he'd love to have him hug his tits.
Robin read more about the funeral and who will be there. Howard asked if Ariana Grande will be there. Robin said she doesn't think so. Robin said they say that Trump could sit one seat away from Obama at the funeral. Robin said they'll be watching that closely. Howard said he hopes Donald puts on his mourning face. Robin said she's sure he will. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how yesterday Robert Mueller issued a sentencing order on Michael Flynn. Robin said he said that Flynn has been very cooperative and he's recommending no jail time or him. Robin said people are wondering what that means. She said that some people think that it has major information on the president. Howard said speaking of that he has Ivanka Trump there. He had her come in. Howard spent a little time talking to fake Ivanka about things like Memet's girlfriend's tittie dress and of course about her father picking out her tittie dress. Howard asked Ivanka how they spend their holidays. She said they have their staff fight like in bum fights. Ivanka asked Fred to stop staring at her perfect, heart shaped ass. Howard asked how she stays in shape over the holidays. Fake Ivanka said she has her own brand of kegels. She said they're in her right now. She said she has a dreidel up her ass too.
Howard asked fake Ivanka about what's going on with her emails. She said that when she does it they just go away. Howard asked her about the G-20 summit and what was going on with that. Howard said she got to meet the Saudi Arabia prince. Ivanka said she got to know Arabic. She taught Howard to say hello and things like that. They were all her screaming ''Lalalala.'' She said that's how you say ''I'm going to cut your Jew head off'' too. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Ivanka about the upcoming funeral and things like that. Howard let her go and thanked her for giving the 5 minutes. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said she was watching Paris Hilton on Access Hollywood yesterday and she thinks vocal fry may have come from her. She had some audio for Howard to play where she was speaking with that vocal fry. Robin said she thinks this is where it comes from. Howard said maybe it is. He said she may be patient zero. Howard did his impression of the vocal fry thing. He said that's a lot to take. He said she's good looking so he can put up with that voice. Robin said not after. Howard said she's seen him with a bunch of people and he puts up with a lot. He said after they fuck he's out the door. Howard said Robin might be right about her being the origin of that vocal fry.
Robin read a story about how more senators are convinced that the price of Saudi Arabia knew about the death of that reporter, Jamal Khashoggi, over there. Robin had some audio of Senator Lindsay Graham talking about that.
Robin read a story about Les Moonves and the story that came out about him yesterday. Robin had some details of that. That led to Howard doing his Les Moonves and Julie Chen impressions for a couple of minutes.
Robin read a story about a study that says people are more likely to surf the web to find their news. Robin had more details about that survey that was done.
Robin read a story about a woman who disappeared in Costa Rica whose family just revealed that her body was found close to where she was staying. Howard said he doesn't go anywhere. robins said they ID'd her body after being kept from her at first. Robin said they say that a security guard who works where she was staying has been taken into custody. Howard said that's pretty sad.
Robin read a story about worldwide terrorism being down for the first time in a few years. Robin said they say it fell 44 percent last year.
Robin read a story about package theft being very high right now. Robin said one way around this is to have your packages delivered at work. She had some audio of a woman talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they brought up Hentai porn last week and he said it was perverted but his wife admitted she's into it. Howard said only a woman can watch cartoon porn. Howard said they talked about it last week and he checked it out. He said it was on for 3 seconds. He said he felt ridiculous. He said he turned it off and went to real women. The caller said he was able to finish. Howard said he can't imagine how guys are jerking off to this. Robin said maybe they can't get other types of porn. Howard said they can though. He did his Les Moonves impression talking about how even he's not into that. He said only a monster would jerk off to cartoons.
Robin read a story about how Jeff Bezos predicted that drones would be delivering packages by now but that's not happening. Howard said they haven't figured out how to get them through your window yet. Robin said her packages are all showing up late so she wishes they would get that together. Robin said she's sending stuff back that doesn't show up on time. Robin said she needed a Chef's torch and she ordered it 3 days earlier. It didn't show up on time. Robin said that Wednesday morning she had to go out and get one. She said she sent that one back that Amazon sent late.
Robin read a story about how possessing and smoking marijuana will be legal starting tomorrow in Michigan. Robin had some audio of a police chief talking about that.
Robin read a story about Australian scientists who came up with a way to detect cancer with a blood test. Robin said that they have a 10 minute blood test that can work with 90 percent accuracy.
Robin read a story about Burger King planning on selling the Whopper for just one penny. Robin said there's a catch and you have to go to McDonald's to get the promotion. Robin said this is the relaunch of their app and you have to use that to get the 1 cent Whopper. Gary said they're kind of stalking McDonald's. Howard said he doesn't understand. He said this is the stupidest promotion ever. Howard asked who even uses a fast food app. Fred played Jason saying ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Today's show was over around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:20am.