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Howard started the show talking about how he didn't miss this one bit. He said he really didn't. He asked what he's going to do. He said he's one minute into this and he's counting the minutes already. He said he had a lovely vacation. He said he had all three of his daughters over for Thanksgiving. He said they're all older now and they have husbands or boyfriends. He said that he doesn't get them all to himself. He said it's nice to have some male energy around. He said he likes the guys. He said they fill little needs for him. He said one plays chess and plays well. Robin asked if he's better than Howard. Howard said he's around how he plays which is fine.
Howard said that was good. He said one is an artist so they painted together. He said he has to watch what he says around his daughters. He said if he says one thing wrong they all gang up on him. He said it's crazy. He said at work he's really important but not at home. He said they kind of boss him around and shoot him looks when he says the wrong thing. He said they're pretty good with that though. He said that he's learned.
Howard said one of the guys brought a gift which was two comic books. He said that it was lovely. He said it turned out that they were both drawn by his cousin Jack Adler. He said that got him to well up. Robin said that was a thoughtful gift. Howard said it really was. Howard said he said to him that he likes him better than the other two. He said you can torture boyfriends like that.
Howard said it was good to see his girls. He said Beth's brother was there too so it was very nice. Robin asked if he got to spend time with his daughters too. Howard said he did tell them that it was nice they were in love but they have to spend some time with him. He said they have to have something to do. He said they had a nice time and it was good.
Howard said he gets nervous whenever he's not alone. He said this brought him out of his shell a bit. Robin said that's good. She said it's getting tight so he has to break out of it. Howard said he just doesn't want to travel. He said neither does Beth. He said he was ready to go on vacation to some places but even she wants to stay home. He said that he told her that she just has to tell him she wants to go. He said she lived in Europe for a few years and she has no desire to go there unless he wants to go.
Howard said he has never gotten any thoughtful gifts like that from Fred in the 40 years he's known him. He said that's okay though.
Howard said he was working on his secret project over vacation. He said he tried to paint and he got upset about that. He said he was bummed when he found out that Ricky Jay was gone. He said Ricky Jay was a magician. He said he was a slight of hand guy. He said his claim to fame was that he could throw cards so hard that they'd stick into watermelon. He said he could almost cut you with them. He said that his grandfather taught him how to do the card thing. He said he devoted his life to magic and he loved it. He said he was a fabulous historian about magic too. He said he would teach you about these tricks as he was doing it. He said that was his shtick.
Robin asked why she doesn't know this guy. Howard told her to check out some stuff about the guy. He said that he was very interesting. Howard said he could hit a target with a playing card from 190 feet. Howard said Bobby Fisher was left alone most of his life. He said Ricky didn't get along with his parents and he left home around 15. He said that the only thing he would say was that he didn't get along with them and left home.
Howard said the movie that he was thinking of was called ''Deceptive Practice: The Mysteries and Mentors of Ricky Jay.'' He told Robin to check that out.
Howard said this guy Ricky studied with some of the greats. He said that he didn't get along with his parents but he was taught by Slidini and he was even mentored by these older gentlemen who had done this. He said that you wonder if he found parents in these older gentlemen. He said the answer must be yes. He said that the guys were so great with him. He said the best way to learn is to go and stay with the masters to learn. He said they were like Ninjas for him. He said that he was able to do these things with cards that no one could do.
Howard said this guy Al Flosso had a great act and Ricky Jay learned from him. He said this guy had so many tricks in his head and now everything is just gone. He said that all of that expertise is gone. He said he didn't reveal all of his tricks. He said you don't want to give them all away so some do die with you. He said this whole death thing is outrageous. He said you can't contemplate your own death for more than a few seconds. He said he had a revelation last night. He said there is no such thing as an afterlife. He said it's all crazy. He said he's going to die and he's not going to go anywhere. He said he's not floating around. He asked what we're talking about. Robin said she's glad he brought that up. She said she was watching TV and this promo came on for a new show called ''Mama Medium.'' Howard said fuck that. Robin said she says she's going to go into houses and find ghosts. Howard said fine. He said he's telling you with peace and love... and Ringo will be there tomorrow. He said he thought he was coming in today. He said people can not handle the discussion of their own death. He said just ask JD.
Robin said she's going to update her will. Howard said he just did it. He said that he took Fred out.
Howard asked JD what he thinks death will be like. JD said it will probably be black. He said he thinks that he will just cease to exist and it depresses him. Howard asked if he ever thinks about how great it will be. JD said no. He said he just gets pissed off. He said he thinks about it and then he can't sleep. Howard said it'll all be over and the struggle will all be gone. Robin said he's not living the greatest life and he doesn't want to give up. Howard said it'll all be freeing. JD said he doesn't think about that. Howard asked if he's going to be buried or cremated. JD said he doesn't know.
Howard asked Robin if she thought about death a lot. Robin said she has had many brushes with death. She said she doesn't think about it. She said it's funny to her because when it happens she just wonders if this is it. Howard said it's funny that JD can't think about it.
Howard asked JD if he ever thinks about the cremation or burial thing. JD said maybe he could be ''broughten back'' some day if he was buried. JD said he has not prepared a will. Robin said he should have a will now that he has a wife. Howard said he has nothing to leave to her though.
Howard asked JD what he wants to happen when he dies. JD said he wants people to speak about him and whatnot. Howard asked how many pallbearers he'd need to lift him up. JD said alright. Howard asked if he would want his brother to lift him up. JD said it depends on who is still alive. He said he'd want his brother and his dad. Robin asked if you have your dad as your pallbearer. JD said if he's still alive.
Howard asked if the staff can go to his funeral or are they banned like from his wedding. JD said they can come to his funeral. Howard wondered if JD wants his wife to find someone after he's gone. JD said he would want her to be happy. Howard said they can make his box out of whatnot wood.
Howard asked what he has to leave to his wife in his will. JD laughed. He said he has some baseball cards. Fred did his impression of JD talking about that stuff.
Howard said he has to find out so they can get his on record. JD said he has a Derek Jeter rookie card and things like that. Howard said she can scrape off his sheets if she wants to have a baby. Fred said he's going to leave a test tube of jizz in his refrigerator.
Howard said JD gets really nervous talking about death. Howard asked if JD thinks about watching his wife having sex with other dudes. JD said if he's a ghost it would be great to be able to travel wherever. Howard asked if he'd want to watch his wife bang other dudes if he was stuck in one place. JD said he can go someplace else. Howard said if you get stuck in one place then he's stuck. JD said he's not sure. Howard said maybe JD's wife will marry Brody Jenner, who JD hates, and he'll be stuck watching them have sex.
Howard said on the phone is a mush mouth ghost. He took the call and Chris Wilding was doing his JD impression as a ghost. Howard hung up on him and said he won't bust JD's balls but he should think about this will thing. JD said he will. He said he thinks about this stuff in the middle of the night. He said he can't get back to sleep. Howard asked what he thinks about. JD said he thinks about not existing.
Howard asked JD if he had to choose who goes first, him or his wife, who would it be. JD said probably him. Howard said he's such a fucking liar. JD said he's not. Howard said he thinks Beth is braver than him so she should go first. He said she'd be better at it. Robin said you don't have to be good to die. Robin said everyone dies. She said you don't have to be good at it.
Howard asked JD if he would choose to give life to himself or his wife. JD picked his wife. Robin said that he's lying. She said if it was happening right now he'd be taking that life. Robin said she had a revelation years ago about how people will hang on to life no matter what. She said it must be pretty sweet.
Howard asked JD why he's checking his watch. JD said he got a text message. Howard said he didn't know he had that. He asked if it tells him how many steps he takes. JD said it does. Howard said he was watching some physical fitness expert talking about how you should pick a room and do push ups every time you walk in there. He said then you'll be in shape. He said he did it once and got annoyed.
Howard asked if he can have JD's Apple watch. JD said sure. Howard said one of his daughters has one and she likes it. He said he doesn't want that Bluetooth going through his arm. He said that has to fuck you up. Robin said she's not wearing her Fitbit. She said it would shock her once in a while.
Howard said JD has to ask about that. JD said he has to find a new dentist. He said he's not happy with the one he goes to. Howard asked why. JD said leave him alone. He said he would prefer to go somewhere else. Howard asked why he wants to switch. JD said he just wants to. Howard said if Ringo was coming in today he wouldn't be asking.
JD said he was getting a cleaning done at this dentist and he was more of a cosmetic guy and he wants to find someone else. JD said they don't do actual work but they do cleanings and x-rays. Howard asked if they gave him a thyroid guard. JD said they did not.
Howard asked why JD doesn't ask about their dentists there. Howard said he could give him the information. JD said then it turns into a 30 minute bit. Howard said he loves that JD found a dentist who doesn't do dentistry. JD said he went to two or three cleanings there. Howard asked how he found out they don't do the dental work. He said the guy must have just said they can't do anything. He said it's like saying your veterinarian doesn't work on animals.
Howard asked if JD watched football yesterday. He said the Bengals got smashed. JD said he knows someone put that up. Howard said he watched the game.
Howard asked JD if he had a nice thanksgiving. JD said he did. He said he went to visit his mom in Florida. Howard said he heard he was drunk tweeting. JD said he may have. He said his wife looked at him oddly when he tweeted something out. Howard asked how many times a day she looks at him that way. JD said a lot.
Howard took a call from one of the guys in the back who said that no one wants to look at JD's teeth so keep going to that same guy. Howard said that was the president of dentistry.
Howard took a call from a woman who thanked him so much for bringing awareness to thyroid cancer. She said she had her thyroid removed. She told Howard about the problems she had and how she has mutated genes that can cause cancer. Howard asked how long she's been listening to this show. She said she's been listening for over 20 years. Howard said it seems like she's been waiting for this call for 20 years. He said they finally brought up thyroid cancer and now she gets to talk about it on the show. Howard said he's bumming out from her.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she is a dental student and it's proven at this point that the x-rays are all digital and you get more from the sun than the x-ray. Howard said if they have this thyroid guard then why not just use it anyway. He said that they should just give it to you. The caller said they have been taught to use it. She said that they are supposed to be watching that at OSHA. Howard thanked her for the call. Howard said Fred wears his thyroid guard all day long.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said the reason dentists don't put that on is because they're lazy. He said there's nothing that shows it's not necessary. Howard said if you're lazy then just put the thyroid guard on and not the whole vest. King said that they're just lazy. He said you just look at them and know they're lazy.
King said he thinks about death often. He said the one thing he thinks about is his wife. He said that's the one thing he thinks about mostly. He doesn't want his wife to remarry. He said that he has a will that will keep her from getting his stuff if she remarries. Howard said that's impossible to stop. King said in theory he knows that she's going to get everything. Howard said he could set up a trust for her. Robin asked how cruel that is. King said it's not. He said it means that she never loved him. Robin said he's dead so he won't care. Howard said he's having Beth buried alive with his corpse. He said if he's dead he wants her to be happy. He said in some way he might hope that she'd never remarry. He said it would be a bummer if she did it a month after he died.
Howard said he thinks that Yoko was really committed to John Lennon. He said there was a story about how she may have dated one guy. He said he heard he looked like John though.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she loves in South Carolina and in her town they have a problem with thyroid cancer. She said the water has radiation in it. Howard said our whole planet is being destroyed and this attitude about not being able to clean it up is so selfish. He said you're just thinking about the right now and not the future. Robin said at one point when they were growing up they talked about over population. Robin said they said that you should just replace yourself and not have multiple kids. She said now they have these senators with 9 kids that they're praising. Howard said those are the religious nuts.
Howard said his wife did such a mean thing. He said she went out and bought him some dinner since she was going out. He said she went to Gourmet Garage and got him something. He said that he likes that place. He said she got him a big tub of bean soup and some other stuff. He said she bought him this sea salt caramel gelato or something. He said it had big chunks of caramel in it. He said he opened it up and limited himself to 4 teaspoons. He said you would be shocked at how much he could balance on one teaspoon. He said he was balancing almost the whole carton on one teaspoon. He said you should see what he was doing. He said he digs into it and whatever came out he was balancing on the spoon. He said it had this gooey caramel on it. He said he was so angry with it.
Howard said he doesn't fit into his suits anymore so he told Beth that she's sabotaging him going out with her. Howard said everything is such a drag. Robin asked why he doesn't want to just die then. Howard said he thinks about the alternative. He said he'd rather be alive.
Howard said he has to trow out the gelato when he gets home today. He asked Benjy if he can borrow a suit to go to this charity event he has to go to. He had to go to break after that.
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Howard said Shatner does this whole weird thing. He said he has this new album out and they say he's like 87 years old. He said this Christmas album is hysterical. He said what's great is that Yoko was upset about people goofing on her. He said that Shatner supports her music. He said of course. He said he defended one non-musician to another. He said even when John was alive he would give Paul McCartney critiques. He said he was so supportive of Yoko's stuff. Robin said he would play on her songs.
Howard said he thinks a super group of Shatner, Goldblum and Yoko would be great. He said Sanjaya too.
Howard played some stuff off of the new Shatner album ''Shatner Claus - The Christmas Album.''
Howard said the joke is over for this. He said it was funny years ago but this is the definition of beating a dead horse. He played Shatner's ''Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds'' cover. He said this was funny. He said that was from 1968. He said it was funny then.
Howard played more from the Christmas album. Robin asked who is playing this stuff. Howard said Fred does. Howard said he'd like to hear the tape of the engineer telling him that was perfect. He said he was captain of the Enterprise. He said that he must have been held back by that. Howard said Judy Collins is in on this. He played a song where the two of them were singing.
Howard said stop talking over a singer. Howard said even Yoko is asking who this is for. He said that has to be what it sounds like in an old age home when someone is trying to sing. Howard said this is ''Little Drummer Boy.'' He played some of that song. Howard laughed as he was listening. He said it sounds like he's having a stroke. Robin said it does sound like he's having a seizure.
Howard said poor Ricky Jay. He said all he had to do was put out an album like this. Robin said that his fans must want to buy the album. Howard said no way. He said it's too much even for them.
Howard said he has to play a good song now. He said he's going to play Sponge ''Plowed.'' He said he loves this song. He said that they play it a lot on Lithium. He said that he listens to Madison on that channel. He said he gets up and starts working out and his heart is beating really hard. He said Madison goes to every concert. He said she's always talking about going to concerts for bands like that. He played more of ''Plowed'' and said what a great song. Robin said it really is a great song. Howard said it makes him cry for some reason.
Howard said he loves that. He asked if Fred likes it. Fred said he loves it too. He said they're playing in a sports bar. He said that's one of their stops on their tour.
Howard played a song that George Takei recorded for them. He said he was so happy over vacation. He said his kids play a card game called ''Cards Against Humanity.'' He said he didn't get it at first but then it was fun. He said one of the answers was Bukakke and the girls didn't know what i was. Howard said that he had to explain what it was. He said they were grossed out by it. He said they asked him to play the game. He said he didn't know he'd be explaining that to them.
Howard said that they also didn't know what smegma was. He said he was kind of happy they didn't know. He said he explained what that was and how Sal wiped his smegma on someone's face. He said that he told the story about Jerry who took care of 'Gina Man and told them about 'Gina man. He said he would do his impression of 'Gina Man and he had the guys all laughing. He said he could do a Ted Talk on smegma cheese.
Robin asked how he explained that whole Bukakke thing to his kids. Howard said he didn't want to be talking about that stuff. He said he told them that it was when a man ejaculates on a woman. He said he didn't say ''jack off'' like he told Robin he did. He said he addressed it in an adult way.
Howard said he isn't he world's best parent. He said he's trying though. Robin said most people aren't the best parents.
Howard played more of the Sponge song and asked if they're really playing a sports bar. Fred said they are. He said it might be nicer than a regular sports bar but they are. Howard said if they could write that great song then why can't they write more. He said they should have a bunch of hit songs.
Howard said they had a hit song called ''Molly'' too. He said that Gary must have put that note up. Gary said he did not. He said that he didn't think it was that big of a song. Howard played some of Molly and said that he'd be demanding that they play ''Plowed'' again. He played that song again. Robin said she feels bad for these guys. Howard said he should do a reunion of the guys who worked at WNBC. He said he could have Imus but he won't show up. He said they had Johnny Dark in the midday. He said that he could have Bebe, Big Ron O'Brien and those guys. He said Big Ron is dead. He said that Johnny Dark may be around. Howard said Captain Frank got religious. Howard said he used to try to talk sex with Frank and he would get upset.
Howard said he masturbated yesterday. He said a young woman and her step mother were in this. He said that the daughter was looking for advice on giving a blow job. He said the mother was making out with her and spanking her and things like that. Then the boyfriend came over and the mom was telling him to go down on her daughter's pussy. He said that her coaching was telling him to lick it hard. Howard said he thought it was a nice family story for the holiday.
Howard said you have to be in family mode. He said he was out of family mode by Sunday night. He said he never got to the end of the story but it seems like the step mom and daughter got closer. Howard said he has to take another break. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Brody said he thinks it's time for an update on Brokeback Memet. He said he wants to see how he's doing with his game. He said maybe he's a pirate now. Howard said he must have had a lot of free time. He said it took more than 80 hours to finish it. Robin asked what you do when you finish it. Howard said you go out west and visit some real cowboys.
Howard asked Memet to come in with an update. He said it seemed like a waste of time to him. He said Brody wants to know though.
Memet came in and said people said he was spoiling the game for people when he talked about it. He said that if anyone who hasn't played the game and wants to play it then stop listening for 2 minutes. He said his cowboy has sadly passed away. He said that's how the game ends. He said he lived the cowboy life and he has passed on the torch to a new cowboy. He said you pass it along to a younger cowboy that you can play the game as. He said it's the same game so there's nothing left to do. He said it's a much calmer game. He said the new guy just raises crops and cows.
Howard asked if he has a new game he's into. Memet said he's playing a Hitman game. He said in this one he's agent 47 and he gets sent to places to take people out. Brody asked if this is Hitman 2. Memet said it is.
Howard asked if he played all Thanksgiving. Memet said a little bit. He said he was alone for Thanksgiving. He said he went to his mom's. He said he was there at home for a few days and then he went to his mom's.
Howard asked Gary if there's anything else he should talk to Memet about. Gary said that he's got some updates on his love life. Memet is still seeing this woman and she's going to come to the Christmas party. Gary said Memet sent her a text about how all of the hot chicks wear tops that show their tits off. Howard said Benjy always has his tits out. Robin asked why he's telling her what to wear. Memet said she asked for his opinion. Robin said she should dump him right now.
Memet said there were some very provocative dresses last year. He said they're off air guys who had woman there who were dressed like that. Howard asked if he wants to trot her out and have everyone look at her. Memet said yeah. Howard said he'd love it if she just came topless. Howard said they should have a stripper pole this year.
Gary said the other update is that Memet's girl is upset with him about still being on Tinder. Memet said he deleted them after they had a discussion about it.
Howard said Ronnie isn't coming to the Christmas party. He said he has some other thing he's going to. He said he's kind of the life of the party. He said that it might not chase him out of there if he's not there. He said when he yells into the microphone then his head hurts.
Howard asked Ronnie why he's not coming this year. Ronnie came in and said that he's going to a wedding. He said it's the same night. He said it's a destination wedding so they're making a trip out of it. Howard said it's kind of weird he won't be there. Gary said the guys think that Sal will pick up the slack.
Howard said Ronnie is going to miss the big tittie dress. Ronnie said he knows. Gary said the other thing he heard is that Memet is having discussions about putting fire emojis under hot chick pictures. Memet said that liking a picture isn't the same as cheating on someone. He said he talked to her about it and he's more choosey about that stuff now. Memet said she said she didn't like that and it didn't occur to him that she wouldn't. He said that a million people send her that information after he does that stuff.
Gary asked if she also had to talk to him about Tinder. Memet said that she didn't have to talk to him about it. He said he had to delete it before she found out. He said that he only used it when he first started dating her. He said that he got rid of it and she's the only one now.
Howard said that it's odd that this person is marrying on the same night of their party. He said people have to work. Ronnie said he worked it out and he'll be taking a day off. He said that he's making a vacation out of it. Howard asked if this is that good a friend. Ronnie said it is. He said this is Stephanie's friend. He said he's not going to miss out on a cool vacation. He said he's been to every party for 30-some years. He said it's on a Wednesday night. Howard said no one marries in the middle of the week. Ronnie said they are.
Memet said this woman Kendra Lust was following them on Twitter this weekend and Ronnie's head was exploding over it. He said that he was going crazy. Ronnie said he's not hooking up with her. Howard said that he has to calm down with that stuff. Howard said the emoji thing is very effeminate. Memet said that's an old way of thinking. He said they like it when you do that. Howard said cowboys don't use emojis.
Howard asked how Memet's cowboy died. He said he was stabbed in the back by one of his camp members.
Howard said Brody got his update. He said now he knows that he's a Hitman instead of a cowboy. He said he went from being a creepy cowboy to a creepy Hitman.
Memet said he knows that he's going to be sitting with his girlfriend at the party and everyone will be giving them dirty looks. Howard asked who cares if she's wearing a tittie dress or not. Memet said they will find a way to hate. Gary said he's looking forward to meeting her and talking to her. Howard asked who it is that's so against him. Memet said the guys who told him about the text he sent her. Howard said that she's wondering what kind of clothing to wear and she's not looking for him to tell her to have her tits out. Gary said they have a source who knows someone who knows her.
Memet said he's glad he said something because the other girl was saying that she should wear a sweater. Howard said Memet just wants to brag a bit so he wants her to have her tits out. Memet said of course. He said if Beth or Stephanie came to them and asked what dress to wear and they'd pick the tittie dress too. Howard asked if he will be pleased if everyone on staff is jealous of him. Memet said he will be pleased.
Memet said that his girlfriend is an 11. Robin asked how she ended up with a 2 like him. Howard said that she's going to show up in a tittie dress and he's going to think that everyone is jealous. He asked if they can hold up signs and score her like in the Olympics. Memet said now they've fucked it up and she won't wear a tittie dress. Howard said Memet is the one who fucked it up. He said maybe he's saying that she's not that hot without that dress. Memet said that's just not the case. He said he doesn't want to say anything wrong. Gary said they say that she's a 32-DD. Memet said he never said that. He said someone else is saying that. Gary said this is the Memet who knows she's listening. Memet said right. Howard said if she's listening then she should wear her tittie dress. Fred did his creepy Ronnie voice talking about jerking off to her with a bottle of Jegens.
Howard said Memet should keep that stuff quiet and not tell the whole world about it. He said he's using her as a trophy at the party. Ronnie said he's sorry he's going to miss out on this party. Howard said he screwed up. He said they'll have a whole party talking about what happened at the party. He said he hopes that they don't do the karaoke thing. Memet said he loves it. He said he's going to go up and sing this year.
Howard said Memet can sit with him at the party if he wants to impress the girlfriend. He said what they can do is have Memet and her come over to the table and just sit down. He said he'll act like they're close. He said after 10 minutes just get the fuck out of there. Howard said just know that 10 minutes is enough. He said that he can take 10 or 15 minutes and then get away from him. He said he'll let him do that.
Howard said Robin sits with him too. He said that he'll talk about how he likes the video game adventures and all of that. He said he'll talk him up. Memet said he appreciates that. He thanked Howard for that. Howard said that's what he's there for.
Memet said he's just upset that her breasts are a thing. He said now everyone is going to be looking for her to have her boobs out. Howard told him to calm down. He said he'll ask Beth to act like he's a cool guy too. He said he'll tell her not to be creeped out by him. Howard said then he ha to move on with his bad self. Memet said he's sure that Howard will like her. Howard said he's sure he will. He said that every year it's just Shuli who comes over and hangs out. He said that's annoying. He said that he'll make Memet look like a star this year. He said he'll have Ralph over there too.
Howard said now he has to figure out what to talk to Memet about for 10 minutes. Memet said just talk to her. Memet said she's going to be the hottest one there at the party. Gary said she just said she didn't want to feel out of place at the party. Howard said that's why she can't wear the tittie dress. Fred Ronnie said that she should wear tape over her nips. He said he'll pull it off with his teeth.
Howard said Memet is saying that his girlfriend is hotter than Sal's wife and Stephanie too. Memet said they are attractive but he thinks that she's hotter than them. He said they're very attractive ladies but his girlfriend is hotter.
Howard said he's going to have to have to have a bikini contest at the party now. Memet said that the guys in the back are going to act all elitist and go off on him about the dress thing. Gary said that you just tell her what kind of party it is and let her decide what to wear. Memet said that the party is like a prom. Howard said they all try to look nice but they don't dress up like it's a prom. He said that they don't have a wet t-shirt contest there either. He said imagine that you walk in and there's a hose at the front door where you get wet down.
Howard asked how many fire emojis he'd give to his girlfriend. Memet said that he'd give her like 3 or 4. Howard asked how many Stephanie would get. Memet said he'd give her one for sure. He said one is usually enough.
Gary asked if they come back after the party and they don't think she was the hottest, are they being assholes and elitists? Memet said they're just being assholes.
Howard said he has Memet's inner voice on the phone. He picked up and his inner voice was going on and on with random thoughts. Howard asked if Memet is still having a problem with premature ejaculation. Memet said he may not last as long as he wants to sometimes. He said that he wants to leave her out of this. Howard asked how many strokes he can go. Memet said he may last a minute or two. He said that it's been shorter than that too. He said he could jerk off all day or not and he chooses not to. Howard said that you risk coming too soon if you don't beat off. Memet said that it's still bad if he does do that. He said that this person he talks about who isn't his girlfriend is very pleased. Howard asked if she cums. Memet said the theoretical girl does.
Gary asked if the friend finishes does he take care of the other person. Howard said this guy isn't going down on anyone after he cums. Howard said Ronnie would do that. Ronnie said oh yeah. Robin said he's a very attentive person. He said he's very attentive toward women.
Memet said that maybe the woman cums as soon as he's inside her. Ronnie said yeah, keep dreaming. Memet said that his girlfriend is into him and says he looks like a young Clint Eastwood.
Howard said he knows that Memet is upset with David Muir. Gary said he only knows that the guy has an Instagram account because of Memet. He said he has mentioned him in the office a lot. Memet said he mentioned him once on air.
Howard took a call from Memet's theoretical girlfriend. The girlfriend said that theoretically she's never cum in her life. She said that she is also theoretically going to go to the Christmas party with her tits out. She said that the pressure of that is super sexy theoretically. She said that this makes her want out theoretically. She said she loves being objectified theoretical. Memet said that the fun police in the back office have ruined it again. He said she'll end up wearing a black dress covering up her entire body. Howard said no one cares.
Howard asked Ronnie about this wedding and if he picked out dresses for Stephanie. Ronnie said he did. He said he had a fashion show. He said that he picked out backless and tittie dresses. He said they're really cool. Memet asked how this is okay but not what he did. Ronnie said she asked him to pick out the dresses. He said she'll try on stuff and he'll say what he likes. He said she doesn't always wear the stuff he picks out. Howard said his wife does the same thing. He said sometimes she dresses up like a waitress at that place where they dress like pilgrims. Robin asked what that was. Howard said it was some place they used to go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the only tittie dress Memet should have is for himself. He said he's such a little girl. He said that she's probably a 1 if that. He told him to stop already and shut the fuck up. He told him not to even go to the party.
Howard said the Christmas party should be interesting this year. Gary came in with a picture of a girl that Memet liked 3 days ago. Gary said he claims he's not doing it anymore. Memet said he said he's not on dating apps anymore. He said it's just a like. Howard said you can't be doing that. He said that he's hoping that she hits him back on DM. Memet said he's not. Howard said he's just banking for the future. Memet asked if he looks at hot women on the street. Howard said he'll look. Memet said that's Instagram. Howard said it's not the same thing. He said that's like going up to a girl and talking to her asking what her name is.
Howard said JD is no better. He said he was following porn stars on the same night he got engaged. Memet said that's worse than what he's doing. Howard said maybe it is. Memet said that JD probably feels that's not cheating. JD said it's whatever. Howard asked JD if he thinks this is a way for Memet to get other girls in his bank. JD said he can see it both ways. He said everything is fine with him. Howard asked if his girl should ware a tittie dress. JD said she can wear whatever. Howard asked what JD's girl will wear. JD said it's a cocktail dress or something. Memet asked what he would say if he asked if she should wear a tittie dress or not. JD said he'd just say wear whatever.
Gary asked Memet if it's true that his girl caught him liking things and writing ''Hot damn'' under the pictures. Memet said that was in the beginning. He asked what happened to the bro-code around there. Howard said imagine you have to tell your guy not to do that stuff. Memet said he's just looking. Gary said when he looks at porn he doesn't talk to the girl. Memet said he would if he could.
Ronnie asked if he watches porn with her. Memet said he's waiting. He said he's trying to make things less exciting. He said that he's not doing that. Howard said you have to start from the beginning or it's never going to happen. Memet said he's doing it like 2 or 3 times a night. Howard said he should be doing it that many times. Ronnie said he can do it two times a night.
Memet said that the body wasn't made to last a long time. He said that the cave men were just in and out. He said you got in and came and then you left. He said that's how his body works.
Howard asked if it scares him to think about being with one woman the rest of his life. Memet said of course. He said that it's scary. He said she also thinks that he's very hot. Memet said she shouldn't be worried about staying with him.
Howard had a list of people that Memet just started following recently. The names he read off were all women. Memet said they could be cousins. He said a follow means nothing. Howard said bullshit. He said his wife would hit him over the head with a stick if he did that. Memet said that a lot of the guys there are doing the same thing. He said it's really nothing.
Howard said that he should tell his girlfriend to wear whatever she wants to. Memet said he will. He said now he has to do damage control. Ronnie said that he's the one who brought it up on the air. Howard said she must be all freaked out by this whole thing. Memet said that she is friends with people's girlfriends there and they're telling them what she said. Howard said you don't say wear a tittie dress. Gary said he saw the text and it said ''tits.'' Howard had Gary read it again. Gary read it and he did say that all of the hot chicks have their tits out.
Howard thanked Memet for the updates. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard said they first heard from Fred on November 28, 1988. He said this is his particular expertise and he knew he was special right away. Howard played a clip from that day when he took that first call. Howard asked Fred what was up with that voice. Fred said he had that problem ever since he was born.
Robin said she was shocked that he was that clear back then. Howard said he was a boy back then. He said now he's a man. He said he named him Elephant Boy based on how he sounded. He said he told him he was a 30 year old virgin and they wanted to help him get laid so they put him on Dial-a-date. He said he lost his virginity on that date. He played a clip from the day Fred called in with an update.
Howard said he thinks that Elephant Boy should be on the Wack Pack Mt. Rushmore. He said that he had a funny voice and then he tried to find love after he got laid. He said that he was like an addict. Howard wondered what happened to that woman after. He said they found out later that he was using a dating phone line and he was looking for a man and a woman. He said this is why he is on the Wack Pack Mt. Rushmore. Howard played the clip of Fred's message where he was looking for a couple to hook up with.
Howard said he's not sure if he ever found a couple to hook up with. He said he was using his sexy voice in that clip.
Howard said Fred also got up in front of the libertarian nominating party and gave a speech. Howard said he received his nomination and Fred got up and made a speech. Howard played some of that speech that Fred gave. Howard said he withdrew his nomination shortly after that.
Howard said he thinks that another classic moment was when Gary went out to make an appearance and Elephant Boy showed up after shitting himself on the train on the way there. Howard played a clip of the conversation he had with Elephant Boy about that. Howard said this is why he's such a great Wack Packer. He said most people wouldn't continue on to their destination after shitting their pants.
Howard said Fred threw his underwear out but he still wasn't clean enough. He said he had shit running down his leg. Howard played another clip where Fred said that he used a tarp to clean the shit off his leg.
Howard said that is the reason that he's on the Mt. Rushmore of the Wack Pack. He said they've had their ups and downs with Elephant Boy. He said last year he did prostate karaoke and Elephant Boy got upset when Gary commented that his ass was very dirty. He played another clip from that day. Elephant Boy ended up walking out of the room after Gary brought that up. Howard said he claims that he cleaned up before he went there. He said that Elephant Boy wiped and Gary notched that he had seen shit on the paper he threw on the floor after wiping.
Howard said he loves this guy. He said Gary has made up with him since then. Gary said his job was to cover what was going on. He said that he was very upset with him.
Gary said that you could barely see white on the paper. He said Shuli pointed that out. Howard said you shit, we report. He said he loves the guy and all of his strengths and weaknesses.
Howard said in honor of his 30th anniversary they did a prank phone call with Elephant Boy. He said to celebrate that anniversary he'll play that call. He said they always said he sounded Korean so they had him call a sex hotline as Kim Jong Un. Howard played that call and they had him telling this guy he was Kim Jong Un and he wanted him to be Donald Trump. Elephant Boy had phone sex with the guy on the line for a couple of minutes. Then they had Fred sound like he was nuking the place and the guy said '''What the fuck'' and hung up. Howard played a song parody about Elephant Boy and went to break.
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Howard said he wants to mention that Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson had a shoot out and in sky writing they had someone write ''Baba Booey'' and then a ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' He said this was over the whole match. He said that they had their game and Phil ended up winning. He said sources say that the plane flew overhead after they teed off. He said they wrote both Baba Booey and Hit 'em with the Hein. He said he loves that. He said they played for like 9 million dollars. He said he hates golf. He said he has played and he just doesn't get it. He said you have to like people to play. Robin said she likes Miniature Golf. Howard said he loves that too. He said that's fun and a goof.
Howard said it's time for some news. They played Robin into it with a song parody from James Cargill. Howard said that guy loves Robin big time.
Howard said he should bring up something tomorrow. He said that Gary has an obsession with chocolate. He said he can only go 5 or 6 hours without chocolate. He played a clip of Gary talking about that on the Wrap Up Show. Gary said as soon as he gets in the house he grabs some chocolate chips. Howard said this is like what alcoholics do. Robin said they have to scold Gary over this.
Gary said he's into chocolate chips and not chocolate chip cookies. Gary said he just eats the chips. Howard said he should just have M&M's. Gary said he has some of those too. He said he likes peanut too. Howard said he loves chocolate too but he avoids it. Gary said he is still working out 5-6 days a week. He said yesterday he did an hour on the elliptical. Howard said he's still fat because of the chocolate. Gary said he can't say no to chocolate. He said he tries a couple of times a year to go without. He said he'll get a headache if he stops eating it.
Howard said his wife has to separate him from chocolate at parties. Howard played a clip of Gary talking on the Wrap Up Show about that stuff. Gary said his wife will tell him not to make a scene at a party. He said he can't stop thinking about it.
Howard said he loves chocolate but he can just turn it off. Gary said he has a friend who told him that he is eating candy kisses in every shot at their wedding. Howard asked how many calories he's eating every day with that. Gary said he's not sure and he doesn't want to know. Howard said he may have kidney stones from that. Gary said he has no issues with that.
Howard said they say that coffee and chocolate are a problem. Gary said he has a kidney stone but it has not grown.
Howard said they say that chocolate can give you more mucus. Gary said they say that it can make acid reflux and that can be the reason for mucus. Howard said okay. He played a song parody about Gary after that.
Howard said Gary should log his chocolate eating. Gary said he's thinking he eats maybe 3-5 Hershey bars a day in chocolate. He said he had 3 or 4 pieces of chocolate this morning already. He said Jon Hein got some and gave it up. He said he'll have some on his way home too. Howard said he's thinking it's at least 7 bars equivalent. Gary said his wife is shocked that he's not up all night with the amount he eats. Howard said the Wrap Up Show is moving. He said that Howard 100 is now Howard Stern Show non stop and the Wrap Up Show will move to Howard 101 live after the West Coast feed around 1pm. Gary said it's 2 hours after this show ends. Howard said they have more time to prepare now after the show. He said they will lead into Sternthology after the Wrap Up Show. Howard said now Gary has 2 more hours of chocolate eating before the show.
Robin said she knows that Gary consumes chocolate in a way that's amazing. She said she had gone out to lunch once and she had some chocolate dessert and she was only able to eat a little bit. She said she brought the rest back to Gary and he ate it all. Howard said maybe it's like Popeye and it gives him his energy.
Howard said that his mother had a thing with chocolate. He said his father would hide chocolates in the house and his mother would rip the place apart trying to find it. He said she would eventually find it. He said they lived in a dump so there weren't that many places to hide it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a missionary that was killed by a tribe of isolated people and his body has not been recovered yet. Robin said this guy was trying to convert these people to Christian. Robin said they say that this 26 year old was attacked by the tribesmen the day before he was killed. Robin said the guy noted that his bible was pierced by an arrow. Howard said they don't want to hear about that. Robin said he was killed by a flurry of arrows. Robin said they gave up on trying to recover the body when they were stared down by the tribe. Howard said he would never force himself on a tribe of anyone. Robin said that's what Christians do. Gary said he heard they tied a rope around the guy's neck and dragged him around a while.
Howard took a call from Bobo who was upset about that nun story. He said that he didn't know about the nun thing. Howard said all religions is hocus pocus to him. He said that when you go through the bible there is nowhere that it says a priest has to be celibate. He said that if they let people be sexual beings maybe they'd be more normal. He said that they're so vested in the way things are that they don't want change. Bobo said he used to go to confession but he stopped going. Howard asked what he confessed. Bobo said he did the wrong thing years ago. He said he's not going to tell them what he's done. He said maybe losing his temper or something like that. Howard asked what he really did. Bobo laughed. Howard said how about when he stuck that vacuum cleaner up his ass. Bobo said he never admitted to that. Howard asked if you have to tell them if you masturbate to porn. Bobo said he's done that.
Bobo said they give you your penance and things to say. Howard asked what he confesses to. Bobo said it's little minor stuff. He said he doesn't do anything that bad. He said that he can't recollect what he did at the time. Bobo said he hasn't gone for a couple of years now. He said he went a couple of years go to tell them he hasn't gone to church in a while. Howard hung up on him and said if he was a priest he'd hang himself.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who was on a train in Buffalo. She said that it's a 3 day trip and it's like torture. She said that she hasn't flown since 9/11. She said that she had to take a train out to California. She said that she went to the Sirius building out there and they showed her around. She said that someone helped her get in over there and she got to see what was going on. Howard hung up on her a short time later. Howard said how about her taking a train. He said that he has a cousin who won't fly too. He said that he tells him to just take this drug when he flies. He said he's so afraid of dying. Howard said he doesn't want to go down in a plane. He said he's not going to drive to California. Robin said she did that once and she took a month to make the trip. She said that she would never drive straight through.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about how all men and women came from one man and one woman who lived 100,000 to 200,000 years ago. Howard said we've all come out of incest then. Robin said that's right. Howard said the original 2 were black people said we're all black. Robin said that's true too but you can't tell that to everyone. Howard said if they give us a DNA test then there should be some black in everyone. Robin said it gets watered down. Howard said that's an interesting story.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves Ronnie and he is the best part of the fucking show. Howard said he's the best part of the show. The caller said Ronnie is the best and Howard is a close second. Howard said please don't say that because Ronnie will get carried away. He told him not to call in for another 5 years. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a guy who was sentenced to life for killing his family. Robin said it appeared he had a great life and they were expecting their third child. Robin said it turns out he was having an affair with a co-worker and he didn't want that third child so he killed his wife and daughters and buried their bodies in oil fields. Robin said he did make those pleas on TV and they have video of him doing that. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about how he had an argument with his wife before she ''disappeared'' and he wanted them back. Howard said he's not a very good liar. Gary said one of the stories he tried to pawn off was that she killed the kids so that's why he killed her. Robin said they found this evidence and he claimed that she did the killing and then she killed herself. Howard said he loves when they make that statement and try to get out of it. Robin said now he has life in prison to look forward to.
Robin read about today being Cyber Monday. Robin said there's no hot toy to fight over this year. Howard said he saw video of some women fighting over something. He said he's not sure what it was but it was like a WWE match. Robin said they say that you can find some great bargains today. Robin said they say that people will spend billions of dollars today.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he has a much better singing voice now than he did before he quit smoking. Howard asked what he does on Thanksgiving. He asked if he has any people in his life. Jeff said he made a great meal. Howard asked if he has anyone to spend the holidays with. Jeff said he does but he didn't. He said he just stayed home. Howard said he knows his sister is gone and he doesn't get along with his brother. Jeff said it's his step brother. He said he gets along with his real brother but he didn't invite him. He said they were going to have it but then it got canceled. Howard said some of his guys said it was disgusting what he made for his dinner. He said no one would ever eat it. Jeff said it was delicious. He said he had a 10 pound turkey and potatoes and gravy and all of that. Howard said he thought he'd have a TV dinner or something. Jeff said he had it all. Howard said the guys are saying the turkey didn't look cooked. Will said the meat was pink. Jeff said it was in the oven for 8 hours. Robin said you have to turn the oven on. Jeff said he had it on.
Jeff said he sang ''Act Naturally.'' He wanted to sing with Ringo. Howard said no way to that. He hung up on Jeff. He said if you want to sing with him then put a Beatles album on and sing with him.
Robin read more about the Cyber Monday thing and had some tips for people. She had a clip for Howard to play too. She had someone talking about the companies that are going after the toy money now that Toys R Us is gone. Robin said they say that Amazon isn't the only place to shop.
Robin read a story about a Hugh Hefner auction that's coming up. Robin read about some of the things they have in the auction. Howard said they have to get something for Ronnie from that auction. He said it's creepy that they're selling some of that stuff.
Robin read a story about a Geek Week auction going on this week too. Robin said one of the lots is a bible signed by Albert Einstein. Howard said that's ridiculous. He asked what else they have. Robin said they expect that to go for over $300,000. Howard said if he went to someone's house and heard they bought that he'd tell them they're an idiot. Robin said they have moon rocks and a Nobel Prize in Physics from 1965. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from fake Stephen Hawking who was selling some stuff at this Geek Week auction. Howard spent a minute talking to him about the stuff he was selling. Howard said he's dead so he's not sure how he's talking to him.
Robin read a story about a run off election going on in Mississippi tomorrow. Robin said that things are getting crazy. She said that there's a woman running who has been accused of making racist comments in the past and she says she was misinterpreted. Robin said the guy running against her is black. Robin said this is going to be history making no matter who wins. Robin had some clips for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about how the CIA has confirmed that Mohammad Bin Salman was behind the killing of the journalist, Jamal Khashoggi, in Saudi Arabia. Robin had some audio of Trump saying that he may or may not have done it. Robin had some other clips for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about a climate change report that just came out and it's a very dim outlook for us. Robin said that Trump is saying that we should not sacrifice short term financial success to try to stop something that may or may not be fixable in the future. Robin had some audio of Bernie Sanders talking about that.
Robin said there's a story about how Ivanka Trump may have used her private email for government business. Robin had some Trump audio where he said that she didn't have classified information like Hillary did. He was screaming over his helicopter answering these questions. Trump said here was no deleting or hiding this either so it's all fake news. Robin had some other audio for Howard to play.
Howard had fake Hillary Clinton on the phone to make a statement. She was just laughing when he picked up. Howard asked a few questions and fake Hillary kept laughing.
Robin read a story about Justice Roberts in the Supreme Court going after Trump after he called some of the appointments being ''Obama judges.'' Robin said this is why they have to have lifetime appointments. She said that Trump can't fire these judges.
Robin said the largest pot dispensary is open in Las Vegas. Robin said that they call it Planet 13. Howard said he asked his kids about that because they live in states where pot is legal. He said he has always thought it should be legal. He said that he doesn't smoke but it doesn't seem like a big deal to him. Robin said that the place is a 30,000 square foot building. Robin said they have 40 cashiers on hand in the store and it's open 24 hours a day.
Robin read about how New Jersey is about to vote on legalizing recreational marijuana. Howard said he's all for it.
Robin read a story about a woman who went to Mexico for a nose job and ended up dead. Robin said the woman was a real estate agent and she got implants and a nose job and she ended up in cardiac arrest when they put the anesthesia in her spine in the wrong place.
Robin read a story about how at one time Mars and Earth were very much alike at one time. Robin said they're trying to figure out what went wrong. She said it became this frozen planet and the Earth became what it became. Howard said it must be the proximity to the sun. Robin said they're not that far off from Mars. She said it shouldn't be a frozen planet.
Robin read about Harvey Weinstein and how he may not be charged with using money to silence his accusers.
Robin read about how Ralph Wrecks the Internet became a big hit over the weekend. Robin said the movie earned nearly $56 million in its first week. Howard said they should write a kid's movie. He said they have to come up with a dumb story. Robin said Creed 2 came in second. Howard said he heard it was good. He said the reviews were very good. Robin said she saw the first one and that was very good. She said she has read really good reviews about this one too. Robins said that movie made $35 million. She read about the other movies in the top 5. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started the show talking about how exciting it is that Ringo Starr is coming in today. He said he has so many questions for him. They played the ''Peace and Love'' drop. Howard said he's legendary and he's a Sir now. He said his real name is Richard Starkey and his real friends call him Ritchie. He said that his original nickname was Rings and that led to Ringo. Robin said that Wendy did the announcement that he's on today and then she said ''give me money god damn it.'' Howard said maybe she was talking to Ringo.
Robin said today is Giving Tuesday. She said that people have been spending on themselves and today is when you think of someone else. Howard said he's dismissing that. He said good morning again. He wondered how many times he can say that. He said he wasn't able to get out of bed this morning. He said he was like this is bullshit. He said he was cursing and then got up and put on the news and showered. He said he tried to doody but he wasn't able to. He said he didn't go yesterday at all. He said there was nothing in the chamber today. He said he got nervous and he's all backed up today. He said he was all nervous about Ringo coming in. He said he wore his Beatles t-shirt today. He said he never does that for guests. He said he wore his ''Help'' shirt and today it's his Beatles shirt. Robin took a look. She said he has the whole Fab Four on there. Howard said Ringo is below his nip.
Howard said he hopes he doesn't mind he has it on today. He said he was going to wear a Black Sabbath shirt but he thought that was kind of rude for Ringo.
Howard said he has a bunch of shirts for Green Day, the Stones and others. He said it's only a couple of select shirts. He said that it's this guy John Varvatos. He said that he gets the shirts from his line. He said that he has a bunch of his stuff. He said he has a Hendrix shirt too. He said he has the cooler shirts.
Howard said he normally doesn't get dressed up for a guest. He said Ringo is someone he admires though. Robin said he didn't even wear one for Paul McCartney. Howard said Ringo will love it. He said he's his friend. He said they'll see what happens.
Howard said he never wears a shirt for a guest. He said today he thought he would. He said that he's hesitant to admit he's a fan of something. Robin said he might not want to show how partial he is toward a guest.
Howard said he got into bed last night to watch some TV. He said he was doing some work earlier in the evening. He said he did some Ringo research and listened to some material or today's program. He said it's real work. Robin said he's not playing the cowboy game. Howard said he's not. He said Mr. Cowboy (Memet) is out sick today. He said he has a sore throat from playing his cowboy game. He said he came in but they sent him home. He said if you have a sore throat they send you home. They played a song parody about Memet and his cowboy game.
Howard said he doesn't want to say what happened but one of the characters died. He said the scene was pitch black. He said that they also revealed a new group of people.
Howard said he should be filmed in the dark on his TV show. He said she doesn't know what happened to his face. He said he likes the app and all of that. He said people really love the app. He said he went to the company asking for video and now everyone says they love the app. He said if you want it, it's there. He said it's free. He ended up singing the Tan Mom song where she sings about being free to be Patricia Marie. They spent a minute listening to the song and talking about her lyrics.
Howard said that's the greatest song every written. He said it's the number 1 song to tan your children to. Robin said she's listening to the words and trying to understand the secret meaning. Howard said it's her gripe with the world about how no one sees the pain she's in. He said it's just not fair the way the world treated her. Howard said now they know that she's Patricia Marie and not just Tan Mom. Robin said she loves listening to this.
Howard said Yoko should work with Adam Barta. He said he's the one who did that song. He played some clips of Robin singing Yoko songs. Howard said she's really good at that. He said he loves it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's super excited about the Ringo interview. Howard said he is too but he has so many questions for him. He said he feels rushed and he's not even there yet. Howard said he should call in on his way there.
The caller asked what it's going to take to get Mick Jagger in there. Howard said he's not sure. He said that he thinks he could do a good job with him but he's not sure what it would take. He said he thinks Gary has tried to get him in there. He said Scott Greenstein used to say that he was friends with them. Gary said that Mick seems impossible to get. Howard said he thinks Scott hangs out with them. Gary said he thinks so. Gary said Keith will do it if they do the interview at 2 in the afternoon. Howard said he's going to say that there will be no more moving the show. He said no matter how big a star you are he's not going to do that. He said the show is from 7 to 11 and that's a 4 hour time slot. Robin said there are some decent hours. Howard said they can do an interview at 10 if they have to but that's it.
Howard said he was talking to his mom last night and there's a lot of doom and gloom in that conversation. He said he was going to go hang himself after talking to her. He said that she had so many things to talk about that were negative. He said she was telling him about people dying and things like that. Robin asked if he talks about his good stuff. Howard said they do but then they get back to her.
Howard said getting back to Mick Jagger he knows he's coming back to New York in June. He said that he could come in there. He said sometimes they'll say they won't come in unless it's in the afternoon. Howard said you know they can get up. He said if there was heroin or pussy involved you know they'd get up.
Robin said Keith's fingers are all bent in a position because he's gotten so old. Howard said he can still play guitar. Howard said he'd love for them to come in. The caller said that it would be epic if he could get him in there. Howard said it depends on if they're willing to talk. He said he'd love to try.
The caller said that Howard is a Nassau County guy like him so where does he like to get pizza. Howard said he likes this place on Long Island called Mateos. He said there's one in Roslyn and one in Huntington. He said they have some good stuff there. The caller suggested Umberto's in New Hyde Park. He suggested the Sicilian. Howard said he's not into that. He said he likes round pizza. He said he's not into that square pizza.
Howard said he has to lose some weight by Friday. He said he hit this Gelato that Beth bough. He said she got all of these Gelatos and this sea salt caramel Gelato is so good. He said he was farting up a storm last night. He said he had shrimp Parmesan and scraped off all the cheese. He said he has to get into shape. Robin said Friday is imminent. Howard said he has to ask Ringo what he's doing. He said he must be eating next to nothing. Robin said it seems you can't eat after a certain age. Howard said if he does that then he can't sleep.
Howard said Ringo looks really good. He said he's 78. He said he looks 20 years younger. Fred said he's a vegetarian. Howard said he's almost a vegetarian. He said he eats fish though.
Howard said he was farting last night and Beth came in and said it smelled like someone was eating beans. He said he didn't know he was farting. He said he must be eating too much.
Howard said he was walking around in his swim trunks over vacation and his belly was hanging over his suit. He said he has a belly and titties too. He said he has the long legs and the belly with the tits. He said it's some look. He said he wishes that Beth wouldn't look at him. He said he looks like E.T. the way he's built. Robin said women don't have that visual stimuli like men do. Howard said he looks like Golum. Robin said she thinks he's cute. Howard said he's her man then.
Howard said he was on the elevator yesterday and two older women were in there. He said he was talking to them and one of them said he had a nice voice. He said he thinks that they might have been flirting with him. He said they looked older than his mom though. He went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he loves that guy. Robin wondered if eating vagina is as messy as when he eats food. Howard said he likes to talk and eat at the same time. He said food flies out of his mouth. He said he won't go out to eat with him but Gary has. He said he sounds like he's eating vagina in that clip. Robin said she's not sure what he's even doing with the eating of the vagina. Robin said the announcer had to straighten him out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard 100 was great without the boring Jon Hein. Howard said the Wrap Up Show is now on Howard 101. He said that they have the show on 100 running over and over. The caller said the Wrap Up Show is great and Jon runs it well but he spends hours in the car and he loves that they went back to repeating the show 24/7 on Howard 100. Howard said they listen to the fans. Howard said for 12 long years the show was ruined by Jon Hein for Chad. He said now they've moved it and he can listen on 101 if he wants to hear Jon.
Howard said JD played him a clip of Al Roker giving cooking tips and he's kind of worked into producing shows and things on the outside. He said Al used to be a fat guy and he's still consumed with food. He said that he was on the Today show making ''Sweet potato poon'' and everyone knows that poon is a word for pussy. Howard asked Robin if she thinks that Al doesn't know what he's saying. Howard played a clip of Al saying the name of the dish over and over.
Howard said he thinks Al loves that gig so much he would never intentionally do that. He said everyone seems to know what poon means. He said Bobby Flay was there and they were all laughing. He played that clip and everyone was chuckling over the name.
Howard said he thinks Al really doesn't know what it means. He said he's so naive. Robin said she doesn't see Al as a guy who hangs around with other guys. She said he may not have inside jokes for that kind of thing. She said he may not even know pussy.
Howard said Al can't know what it means. He said he would never come on and say whenever he smells poon it reminds him of his mom. He said if it was him he'd say he found some hair in his poon or his mother's poon stinks up the whole house.
Howard said the other thing was this sale at Victoria's Secret leading to people fighting. He said they had so many people lined up. He said they had something on sale and people were tackling each other. He said that he wishes they had a TV Show so he could show this stuff. He said these people were grabbing this robe that was on sale from 99 to 39 dollars. He played the clip and said the robes weren't even that good. He said they had stripes on them and they weren't even that nice.
Howard said he has robes and he never wears them. He said they should have had Trump tear gassing them. Howard said Trump was talking about the tear gassing down at the border and he said it's a mild form of tear gas. He said there is no such thing according to the border agents. Howard said the guy just lies. He said he's a good salesman.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was talking to his girlfriend about being a dick to him yesterday. He said he was talking about how Ronnie was the best on the show. Howard said that was kind of insulting. He said Ronnie is some spice on the show. He said that's kind of an insult. He said no one is allowed to do that anymore. The caller asked to not be banned for 5 years. Howard said he's not banned. He said get off his phone and hung up on the guy. Howard spent a minute talking about Ronnie and his canceled radio show. He said he knocks his brains out making a good show and this guy says Ronnie is the best part of it. Howard said he just wants to be clear about that.
Howard asked if anyone in his audience has ever gone to a black Friday sale. Robin said they must have. Howard said nothing is worth getting trampled over.
Howard played more of Lenny's message about Thanksgiving. Lenny said it's not about watching football or eating turkey. He said it's about a day where you're supposed to celebrate god. Howard said his court date must be looming. He said he hasn't answered their calls since his arrest over the summer. He said that George Takei disappeared for a while because of some issues he had. Howard said Lenny got in trouble and now he's avoiding this show.
Howard played more of Lenny's clip where he was pondering if God exists or not. Howard said he likes sexy Lenny better. He played some of his sex tip clips that he made for them.
Howard said last year's message was much better. He played one where Lenny was talking about wanting to fuck Robin. He said he thinks he's getting into the religion game now.
Howard said he has a Sour Shoes update. He said he's calling into other shows. He said he called into Sean Hannity's show as Gary Dell'Abate. He said that Sour does such a great Gary impression. He said he really has every nuance down. He said you hear Gary going ''Yeah, yeah...'' in the background. He said it's a great impression. He said it's the most useless impression except for their show. He said Sean seemed to enjoy talking to him though.
Howard played the Sour Shoes clip where he called Hannity's show. In the clip Hannity was talking about democrats so Howard said the guy is consumed with that. He said he heard in real life he doesn't even care about that stuff. He said people just tell him stuff so he's not sure if that's true or not.
Howard said Shuli drove with Sour in a car once for 4 hours and Sour did his Gary voice the entire time. He said he thinks he'd rather drive with him doing that than his own voice.
Howard played the Sour Shoes call to Sean Hannity's show. He was saying ''noine'' a lot and talking about the noine routes he had to take and the noine bags of Reese's he ate. Hannity was trying to relate and talking about his commute to Connecticut. Sour did his Gary voice talking about nonsense. Howard said that impression is just like listening to Gary. He said Gary doesn't think it sounds like him but it does. He said he's like Rich Little but on the spectrum. Robin said she's trying to figure out how he does that impression. She said Gary's voice is so in his throat.
Howard played more of the clip and Sour was talking about the guys in the back and how he was just talking to them. Hannity was just listening. Sour was going on and on about a bunch of nothing. Robin said he may have put Sean to sleep. Howard said it's just like Gary. He said Hannity went to take a shit. Hannity finally interrupted and talked to Sour about some of the stuff he was talking about.
Howard said that Hannity must hate going home. He said he has a radio show and a TV show. He said that's a lot of show. Robin said he must make a decent living at either one of them. Howard said he'd probably rather be at work.
Howard said Sour left a message there over thanksgiving. He said some of the guys were disturbed by it. He said he thought it was funny. Howard played the clip and Sour was singing ''Noine'' over some experimental music. Howard said this went on and on. Robin said she thinks it's hysterical. Howard said he's either retarded or a genius. Fred said he thinks that his Sour Revolution number Noine.
Howard took a call from a woman who said they can never have enough Sour Shoes. She said just think about what's going on in his head when he's making these calls. She said it's just so great and they just don't get it. Howard said he has to get off the radio. He said he has to leave in 2 years. He said it's ridiculous. He said it's enough. He said he'll start an app like Mike Francesca. He said when he leaves he's gone for good. Howard said he was talking to a friend yesterday and he said he will never quit.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it's the cadence and pace that he does the Gary thing in that makes it so great. Howard let that guy go and played a Marfan Mike as Spider-Man bit and a Baba Booey song parody. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he has a couple of things to play. He said they're from interviews gone wrong. He said this is a collection of clips where things just didn't work. Howard said this is a pitcher from the Mets named Jacob deGrom. He said this guy Steve Summers was trying to joke around with this guy on his show and it just went wrong. Howard played the clip and Steve asked this guy if he can look at himself in the mirror after not voting for Jacob. The guy just ended the interview immediately.
Howard said he wishes his Benjy segments would last that long. He said that's about how long it takes for him to have sex.
Howard said he has another one. He said Jamie Foxx was participating in a celebrity basketball game. He said the guy from ESPN was interviewing him and Jamie left as soon as he mentioned Katie Holmes. He said he doesn't want to talk about his personal life. Howard played the clip and the guy doing the interview asked about the game and then asked about Katie and Jaime walked off without saying a word. Howard said that name is like the prophet Mohammed. He said that he doesn't want to talk about it.
Howard said Steven Seagal was doing promotion for a new movie and the anchor asked about allegations of rape against him and the interview ended immediately. Howard played that clip and Seagal walked off as soon as the woman asked about his sexual harassment allegations. Steven just walked off without saying anything.
Howard said that guy stormed out of there after that. He said what you don't see is an outline of him running right through the wall like Wile E Coyote.
Howard said Seagal is a weird dude. He said he loves his movies though. He said he loves when he whips his hands around and does those moves to get guns out of guy's hands. Robin said he's so weird looking now. Howard said in Russia he's like Tom Cruise. Robin said that's like the French thinking Jerry Lewis was a great comedian. Robin said it's like ''Really?'' Howard said that would be like putting Benjy in an action movie. He said that it's a big fat guy running around. He said he loves that kind of karate he does. He said it's Akito. Robin said it's all hands.
Howard said this is a good clip. He said on the FOX business network they have Stewart Varney. He said they had Elon Musk's brother on the show and his brother sits on the board of Tesla. He said Varney wants to talk about Tesla and Kimble Musk wants to talk about other stuff. He said this could have been handled in a different way. He said that he could have let the guy talk about what he wanted to talk about but Varney kicked him off the show. Musk kept mentioning plant a seed day in the clip and Varney wanted to talk about Tesla. He asked what's going on at Tesla and Musk kept changing the subject to the plant a seed day thing. Varney said that his viewers don't care about that. He said he won't be used and cut Kimble off.
Howard said just let the guy talk about it. He said he's not sure what went on there. He said he's Jimble Kimble Musk. He said that was a pretty good clip.
Howard said he has another clip of Tara Reid out talking about Sharknado. He said she was talking over everyone and the host. He said she seemed kind of messed up to him. He said he's not sure about that. Robin said maybe it was an audio problem. JD said she was live in the studio so that's not it. Howard played the clip and Tara was talking over Ian Ziering and the host. She was just going on and on talking over everyone while they were trying to speak.
Howard asked what makes more sense, this clip or sharks flying through the air. He played more of the audio and Tara was talking over Ian when he was asked about what he's working on now. Tara just kept rambling.
Howard said Kimble Musk is on the phone to talk about plant a seed day. He took the call from fake Kimble who was trying to talk about that but Howard was asking about the new president of the board of Tesla.
Howard said Bill was getting cantankerous and he said he was going to take his No Spin Zone jacket and give it to a crack whore. Howard said Amy Fisher walked out of the show. He said Richard Simmons has walked off the show too. Robin said that woman who was married to Rod Stewart walked off too. Howard said Frank Sinatra Jr. walked off without coming in. Gary said Eartha Kitt also walked off. Howard said he didn't know she was even on the show. Howard said Fred walked off the show too. Fred said he did that because of the incident at the Rainbow Room. He said they didn't know he was separated from his wife at the time. Howard said he didn't even know that now. He asked if they're back together yet. Fred said he thinks they are. Howard said Fred can be kind of non communicative at times. He said he must have put that out of his mind or he forgot. Fred said he didn't put that out at the time. Howard said he's glad he didn't bring it up. He said he has to handle his mother's calls so he has enough on his plate.
Howard asked Fred what happened with his wife. Fred said she just packed a bag and left. He said he had no idea that she was going to do that. He said he didn't date during that time she was away from him. He said he was freaking out about it. Howard said he didn't have a kid at the time, right. Fred said no they didn't. Howard said he remembers the sound effects getting angrier at that time. He said that was a dark time. He said Fred is a good dude for not bothering him with that stuff. He asked if he had friends he called at the time. Fred said he kept to himself. Robin said that's not good. She said that's why people have to pay for a psychiatrist.
Fred said that they were asked to go out to celebrate Jackie's anniversary and he and his wife were separated at the time. He said he didn't want to go but his wife did. He said they went and he was right for not wanting to do it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him about Ringo and if he would ever consider putting his daughters on the show. Howard said he was talking to them about coming on the show when they were young. He said they're pretty private now and they have jobs and stuff. He said they never resolved that conversation. He said he doesn't think they're looking for that. The caller said he'd like to get their thoughts about him off the air. Howard said if they said to him they wanted to come in. He said they'd never do it. He said he'll see if he can do that tomorrow so he can just leave. He said he doesn't think it'll ever happen. He said maybe on the last show they'll come in and say something like good job. He said he loves his kids. He said they're good kids. Howard said they had a nice thanksgiving.
Howard said he doesn't know Fred's daughter Tess. Robin said she does. She goes out with them sometimes. Fred said Tess is 16 now and she loves Robin. Robin said she invited her along to see a performance with her. She said they went to see Simona play once too. Howard said he should try to do something like that. Robin said they've had a couple of occasions to meet. She said that Tess is awesome and really sweet. Howard said that's beautiful. He said he met her when she was really little. Howard said now he has to take her somewhere that's better than what Robin did. He said he's sure it was a mediocre concert. Howard asked what she's into. Howard said he'll bring her to something. Fred said he's sure that she'd enjoy Taylor Swift. Howard said he'll bring her to her house. Howard said he'll get Ringo to perform for her if she likes the Beatles. Fred said she loves the Beatles. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that was Leslie West. He said he was busy preparing for Ringo. He said he has his Beatles shirt on today. He said it's very exciting to have Ringo Starr there today. Howard took a look at Ringo as he walked in. He said he just wants to look at him. Ringo said last time he met him he looked much younger. He said he looks fantastic.
Howard asked how he is. Ringo said he's good. He said he went to see Bob Dylan last night when he got in. He said that he was playing a place they play. Howard asked if he gets excited to see guys play like that. Ringo said yes he does. He said he went to see Eric Clapton last time he flew into New York. He said that Eric is great. He said it was a great show right from the count in. Howard said he should have gone to that one with Ringo. He said he never calls though. Ringo said he never does. Howard said he's no fun anyway.
Howard asked if he can call him Ritchie like his friends do. Ringo said it's Ringo for Howard. Howard asked what he's doing to stay thin and youthful. Ringo said he works out and he's a vegetarian. He said he meditates like Howard too. He said that was a surprise to him. He said he has this anger and madness in him. He said he thinks it's improved though. Howard said Ringo went to India to study with the Maharishi. Ringo said he did. He said they went for 2 weeks and that's all the time they had there. Howard said he heard he went there and the insects were intense. Ringo said you dealt with all of that. He said he was there for 2 weeks and then they got back. He said the history shows him running away.
Ringo said he walked out on the White album. He said he was looking on there in the studio and he wasn't feeling part of it. He said he went and knocked on John's door. He said he didn't feel right and he wasn't part of it because the other 3 were close. He said John said he thought it was the other 3. He said that Paul did the same thing. He said after that he was like fuck it, I'm off.
Howard said the paranoia and fear being in a band has to be tough. Ringo said he ended up having faxes sent to him and had flowers in the studio thanks to George. He said they started playing more like a band after their down time. Howard said Ringo likes to play in a small room where they can bond.
Howard asked why small. Ringo said no glass. He said that the sound in this bedroom he has they can't build anything that gives such a great response as this room is.
Howard said he wore his Beatles shirt for him today. He said he never does that. Ringo said that's another 2P for him.
Howard said he was thinking about his life as a kid. Ringo said they told his mother 3 times he would be dead by morning. He said he was 6 years old. He said when he was 13 he had tuberculosis. Ringo said he never thought that he was going to die. He said they put him in a green house in the country and that's how they got you well. He said that was rampant at the time so there were a lot of people in his town dying from it.
Howard said Ringo was in a gang as a kid. Ringo said it was something he wanted to get out of. He said he was working in a factory. He said in the hospital he had a little drum and after that he just wanted to play.
Howard said Ringo was born left handed and his parents wanted to change him. Ringo said it was his grandmother. He said that he writes with his right hand. He said that he plays left handed on drums. Howard asked what happens when he's left handed. Ringo said he has to prepare a beat before so he comes in a beat late. Howard said that's why people have trouble covering his sound. He said he has an unusual fill and beat. He said that gave him his special quality.
Ringo said he also learned to knit in the hospital. He said that this nurse came in with percussion and there was a little drum in there. He said this woman pointed to whatever it was and he had the drum. Howard asked if he was good right from the start. Ringo said no. Then he joked that he was great from the start. Howard said he was on his way to being an engineer. He said he grew up very poor and he had to work. He said his father must have told him to work. Ringo said his father left when he was 3 years old. He said his mother would meet someone in the pub and get him a job. He said he had a job in the factory just 15 minutes away. He said then they moved a half hour bus ride away.
Howard asked if he was afraid to give up this great job to be a musician. Ringo said not at all. He said he always wanted to be a drummer. He said his whole family came up to talk him out of being a drummer. Howard said it's tough to do that. He said some people can't just go out there and do that. Ringo said Howard loves this show. He said there are people who have jobs they hate. He said Howard loves coming in and getting his hair curled every morning. Howard said this is natural curls he has. He said he's not lying about that.
Howard asked Ringo why he ended up leaving his other band to be in the Beatles. Ringo said that they were both playing in the same club. He said there was a lot of medication and alcohol. He said he just loved John, George and Paul. He said they were just great. He said he sat in a couple of times. He said he ended up getting a call to join the band and they wanted him to be there that day. He said that he had to join the Beatles. He said they were called The Front Line before he joined.
Howard said it must have been great when they hit it big. He asked if there was a great satisfaction in going back to that factory job to tell them that he had made it. Ringo said he did go back to say hi to the guys and it was great. He said you never know what was going to happen. He said you'd think they were going to last 4 years. Howard asked if his band mate Rory was upset with him. Ringo said he'll have to ask him when he gets to heaven.
Howard played ''Love Me Do'' and asked Ringo about the song. Ringo said the Beatles got this gig and George Martin was going to take a chance on them. He said everyone said no to the Beatles and they were told they would go nowhere. He said that they changed drummers and they had Alan White there as a session drummer. He said he made George apologize to him every time he saw him. Ringo said then he played the song his way and he's on the single and Alan is on the album. He said he thinks his version is better because it swings more. Howard asked if George Martin is that important to them. Ringo said he absolutely is.
Ringo said the other battle they had with George Martin was that he kept bringing more songs in. He said they'd say no and they wanted to do their own songs. He said that they stood up and they said no to him. He said they wanted to do their own songs. He said their first album was live covers but after that they did Beatles songs.
Howard asked what happens when George Martin dies. Ringo said they were close so they miss him. He said they stayed close. Howard said he was close to John Lennon the most. Ringo said it depended on the day. He said they shared a room together and they all slept with each other but not literally. He said Paul tells a story that he wasn't part of. Howard said that was the jerking off story. Ringo said he wasn't even in the band then. He said he missed out on all the fun.
Howard said he would think that in the early days sharing rooms was fantastic. Ringo said they had their one limo to take them around. He said it was fantastic. He said then other bands would go in separate cars. He said they were together and they worked very hard. He said that they were doing 12 hours a night on the weekend at one point. Howard said that's why the band was so great. He said it was like they were speaking a special language. Ringo said it really was. He said they all gave their all in every concert. Ringo said thanks to Sirius and the Beatles channel too.
Howard said when John died Ringo flew to New York to be with Yoko. He said that's such a great thing. Ringo said they were in the Bahamas and he got the call saying something happened to John. He said they flew to New York because that's all they could do. He said they ended up taking care of Sean too.
Howard said Paul sent a note. He said he talked to him about that. Ringo said Howard tries to have a hard shell but he's really just a pussy. Howard said he really is.
Howard said Paul tells the story about telling the other guys the break up of the Beatles thing. He said that they had to send him a note about not releasing his album until they were broken up. Ringo said that Paul had an album coming out too. He said that's a mix up. He said the bank informed Paul's people that the other three were doing this. Howard said he was sent a legal letter. Ringo said that's not true. He said Paul is making that up. He said that he tells people to talk to Paul about everything but that is a mis-memory. He said he wouldn't do it anyway. He said if anyone could he would be the one who could do it.
Ringo said he has to talk about this book he has coming out. He said that it's called ''Another Day In The Life.'' He said they put it together and it's not quite like they started. He said that it's a photograph book but it's more like a book than a photo book. Howard said some of the photos aren't flattering. Ringo said one time an eagle landed during the show. He said that it came back the next day. He said he has photos like that in there. He said this book is mainly digital. He said it's the iPhone.
Howard said the new White album reissue is great. Ringo said that album was great. He said that he thought they were just being a band again when they did that. He said that you never know how it's going to work.
Howard said that Paul was the one who really pushed them to do songs. Ringo said that he was the work-a-holic of the band. He said you have to thank him for the amount of songs they put out.
Howard said he has to ask him about some songs. Ringo said that he thought this was only the second time he was on the show but someone said it's the fourth. Howard said he thought it was 2 as well.
Howard said the Rolling Stones gave them a song called ''I Wanna Be Your Man.'' He wondered why they would do that because they were a rival band. Ringo said he thinks that they weren't rivals. He said that someone set it up as them being rivals. He said they were all friends.
Howard asked Ringo to listen to this. He played some of ''Day Tripper.'' Howard said listen to the drum because he's going to ask him about it. Howard asked why they love the drum so much in this. He said he fills backwards or something. Ringo said it's ''frontward'' for him. He said that's the way he drums. Howard asked if Drummers come to him asking for advice. Ringo said he used to do it with a lot of kids. He said it was interesting. He said that he gave one lesson to his son Zach. He said that his son was 10 at the time. He said his son has his own band with his girlfriend and he has been with The Who since 1995 too. He said he has a lot going on. He said he's very busy.
Howard asked how amazing it is that his son is playing for The Who. He said Keith Moon was like Uncle Keith to his son. He said Keith was perfect for that band. Howard said it must have been crazy back then because they were drinking and doing drugs. Ringo said that he had to quit drinking when things got crazy. Howard said his wife Barbara is great. Ringo said they met at LAX and they both went to Mexico. He said she tortured him for 2 months and then they fell in love.
Howard said they've been together for a very long time. Ringo said it's been 38 years. He said they both had a moment of clarity about drinking and they both went to rehab. Howard asked if it was freaky for him to go to something like that. Ringo said not really. He said he drank all the way there. He said he didn't know that's not the right thing to do. He said he changed when he got there. He said he learned that he can have a great life without it. He said sometimes he's on holiday and he thinks about wanting to smoke a joint or do some coke. He said you take it one day at a time. He said you don't let your thoughts take you prisoner.
Howard said when you get to this level of fame and money you think you can get away with anything. Ringo said that he's right. He said people will put up with you.
Howard played another song, Rain, and asked Ringo about the drumming on that. Howard said it's a great drum riff. Ringo said it's great guitar too. Howard said that's really good. He sang along with it but Ringo told him to just listen to the drumming instead of singing.
Howard asked if he looks at Paul mostly when he's playing. Ringo said he plays with his headphones on and eyes closed. He said on stage he'd look at John. He said that things have changed these days. He said now you can hear everything.
Howard asked if he still enjoys touring. Ringo said he loves it. He said he gets to play really cool players and he knows that they love him and he loves them.
Howard asked if he ever looks at his acting and wants to go back to that. Ringo said he had fun doing that. He said they weren't really actors though.
Howard said he put out that clip where he said he didn't want to sign autographs and all of that. Paul said Howard put that out. He said that he had signed something with his name on it and they put it on a shit guitar and sold it for 3 grand. He said now he will only do things for charity. He said he will scrap it if you write asking for an autograph.
Howard played ''With A Little Help From My Friends'' and asked about that. Ringo said that he just did an event and went with Joe Walsh who is his brother in law. He said that they were doing some songs and he came on for the finale. He said it was great. He said that everyone knows that song.
Howard asked what he thought when he was asked to do the song. Ringo said he thought it was great. He said he changed one line in the song. He said that he wasn't going to sing ''Would you stand up and throw tomatoes at me'' so he changed it to ''Stand up and walk out on me.''
Howard said he's now a Sir. Ringo said he's Sir Richard Starkey actually. He said he gets special privileges. He said no matter what he does he won't be put in jail. He was just kidding. He said that it's just an acknowledgment about how great the band is. He said Prince William is the one who put his sword on his shoulder. He said that John Varvatos makes all of his evening wear. Howard said he does for him too.
Howard played another song that Ringo wrote for the Beatles called ''Don't Pass Me By.'' Howard said this was the first song he wrote for them. Ringo said it just came to him. He said he has written a lot of songs. Howard said he heard he wrote it and it didn't end up on an album until 4 years later. Ringo said that's not how he remembers it. He said it wasn't 4 years. He said John and Paul were the writers and they were great. He said then George started writing and he was great. He said he was starting to write songs and then it all came to an end. Howard said then he went out and did his solo thing and kicked all of their asses.
Ringo said that they all sang at parties and he wanted to do the songs that his family did at the parties. He said that was Sentimental Journey. He said he went to Nashville to do an album and that's where that came from.
Howard played a few of Ringo's hit songs like ''It Don't Come Easy'' and ''Photograph.'' Howard asked about George helping him out with those. Ringo said he has a problem ending songs. He said he had one that had 40 verses. He said that George produced it and made it what it is.
Ringo said he has a book out today. He mentioned that again and said that Magical Mystery Tour came out on this day too.
Howard said the band is going to be out on tour again next summer. He said you can find out more about those dates at RingoStarr.com. He said the book is at RingoBook.com. Howard said the band is also on The Beatles channel there on SiriusXM. Ringo said that the Beatles stream a billion streams a year. He said he loves that.
Howard said the album thing seems to be dying these days. Ringo said he just does what he does. He said his son was pointing out that you can do 3 different tracks in 3 ways and you put them all out. He said you can do a lot of things like that. He said it's like peace and love. Howard said he says that term on his birthday every year. Ringo said they're in 26 countries now. He said at noon you just go and say ''Peace and love.'' He said that your mind is saying that to the universe. Howard asked if that's working. Ringo said he thinks so. He said we try out best to say ''Peace and Love.'' Ringo said he was once asked what he wanted for his birthday and he said he just wants people to say it at noon every day. He said that they go right through these 26 countries. He said he thinks Paul is saying it all the time too.
Howard said he brought his brother in law there so they should say hello. Howard asked if he's close to Joe Walsh. Ringo asked who can play guitar like him. Howard said he loves this man so much. Joe came in and sat down.
Howard asked how weird it is that they're related. Joe said hello. Howard said he heard that Joe is married to Barbara's sister Marjorie. He asked if they went to see the Beatles play on their first date. Joe said that Marjorie was at the Beatles show at Shea Stadium. He said he was there with his girlfriend about 50 feet from them. He said all four of them, Ringo, Barbara, Marjorie and him were about 50 feet apart. He said Marjorie was about 9 at the time. Joe said he was screaming like the other girls there and he just wanted to be like that. Howard said that's jealousy. He said he was jealous. Joe said he wasn't. He just wanted to be like them.
Howard asked if Joe was playing guitar at the time he saw the Beatles. Joe said they were all playing music but they didn't know how to do it right. He said then these guys came around and showed them how to do it. Joe said he learned how to do all of that stuff listening to New York rock radio.
Howard said he doesn't get some of the music today. He said back then it was very exciting. He said it was so cool back then. He asked where the political songs are. Joe said that the internet just ate it. He said now people make songs on computers and not guitars. He said that's the problem. Howard said they've lost something in that. Ringo said you need a human being to be playing it, not a computer. Joe said well said.
Ringo said they sit around talking about how great they are all the time. Ringo said that the sisters speak in Italian and they know that's when they're talking about them. Howard said he loves it when a woman speaks in another language.
Howard asked how often they see each other. Joe said he married into this family. Howard asked how long he's been married. Joe said 10 years. He said that she was the part of him that was missing. Ringo said he had better say something here. He said Barbara as at LAX and they met there. He said that she was there with her boyfriend.
Howard asked what it's like to hang out. He asked if they jam together. Ringo said they do but not during dinner or anything. Howard said he hopes the other Eagles don't get upset but Joe is the Eagles. He said this is a man they can admire. Joe thanked him for that. Howard said he's so happy that he's happy and healthy. He noticed that Ringo was looking at his watch. Ringo said he had to get out of there at 10 no matter what. Joe told him to talk about his book. Ringo got in some more plugs.
Howard said he hated being a teen. He asked Ringo if he would want to go back. Ringo said no way. Joe said he would. Joe said he loved being a teen. Ringo said that his kids tell him he knows nothing. He said he still feels 24 in his head. He said his kids tell him he knows nothing.
Howard said he loves both of these guys. He said he's going to talk about the book. Ringo mentioned the book and said that the money goes to charity. Howard said he is the richest drummer in the world. Ringo said he didn't know that. Howard asked if he wants to know what he's worth. Joe asked if Howard knows what he's worth. Howard said he does because he counted it up yesterday.
Howard asked about the Bob Dylan show they went to see last night. Both Joe and Ringo went. Howard asked if they hate having people around them. Ringo said they have to live. He said they have a life.
Howard asked who they hang with now. Joe said with each other. They both live in L.A. Howard asked if they were okay with the fires out there. Ringo said they were safe. Howard said that whole thing was crazy. Ringo said it's the strong winds and the weather out there. Joe said the weather out there is different than they know it now. He said that it's changed. Ringo said they'd like the men to think about how things are changing and how it's going to affect their children.
Howard asked how far away they live from each other. Ringo said it's like 15 minutes apart. Howard asked if they hang with anyone else famous. Ringo mentioned some people. He said he and Paul will hang out when he comes to the area. Howard said Paul called him on Christmas to wish him a Merry Christmas. Howard said he never hears from Joe. Ringo said don't hold your hopes up to hear from him. Howard asked where they go on vacation. Ringo said he stays in L.A.
Howard asked Joe if he plays guitar every day. Joe said he plays every day just to play. He said he just plays. He said every once in a while he will play something he didn't think about playing and he trips on it and goes ''what was that?'' He said it ends up being part of a new song. He said then he gets 10 of those and he has new music.
Ringo said Joe has a great memory. He said they were out to dinner recently and he said something like ''You have to get up to get down'' and Joe thought that was a great line for a song so they're writing a song about that. Howard said he likes that line. Joe said just wait until Howard hears his verse.
Howard asked if Ringo practices. Ringo said it's like riding a bike. He said that he doesn't have to that. He said he's pressing like 10-15 pounds in his work out. Howard said he's like that too. He said he's taking 10 pounds and doing this and it's like he worked out.
Howard said it sucks getting old. Joe said it's tough. He said he has to stay in shape to play live shows because he doesn't want to suck. Robin asked if he's vegetarian. Joe said no. He said he'll eat some turkey here and there.
Howard said he is a happier guy these days. Joe said he can feel that. Ringo said he has to get out of there. Howard gave him some plugs and asked if Joe had anything. Joe said he's promoting Ringo. Howard said Ringo has done it all. Howard asked if Joe will ever be a Sir. Joe said he doesn't think so. Howard gave Ringo some plugs and let him say good night to everyone. Howard did the plugs and asked a question here and there trying to wrap things up. Ringo sounded like he wanted to go though.
Howard asked if he can end on a heavy note. He asked if anyone is afraid of death. He said he's nervous. Ringo said he doesn't live in fear like that. Joe said he naively he thinks they have a great life and they all get old together. He said he's not afraid of it. Howard said he meditates and he tries to get through it. Ringo said that you get ready every morning and you do your mantra and then you go ''I have to get those shoes.'' He said then you go back to your mantra. Howard asked if Joe meditates. Joe said not right now. He said he asked a monk what the most important thing is about life and he said ''breathe.'' He said it's so simple. Howard asked if Ringo has sat him down and tried to talk him into meditating. Ringo said he is a big boy now so he doesn't do that. He said his wife does it though.
Howard had Paul give them a ''Peace and love'' message. Ringo did that and said he hopes he takes that old message off his site after this great interview.
Howard asked the guys about Tom Petty. They both miss him. Howard asked what the best concert is that they ever saw. Ringo said he saw Bob Dylan play the Albert Hall many years ago. He said people were yelling at him about being a traitor for going rock.
Howard asked Joe what the best one was he ever saw. Joe said Bob Dylan was profound last night. Howard said he wants to go to one of their all star shows. Ringo said someone had a 2 year old at the show last night. He said all that kid wanted to do was go home.
Ringo said he saw Clapton out in L.A. years ago. He said that it was just a great show. He said Carlos Santana was just on so well that Eric gave him his guitar at the end of the show.
Howard asked who the best guitar player is in the world. Ringo said it's Joe. Joe said he doesn't look at it like that. Ringo said there are different guitarists and different drummers. He said he never looks at it like that either.
Howard asked Ringo to put his headphones back on. He said they really mean a lot to him. He said high school wasn't fun. He said the joy he got from the Beatles Sgt. Peppers and all of that he can't thank him enough for. He said he's not sure he'll ever see Ringo again. He said the same to Joe. He said he's not sure if he'll ever see him again. He said he loves both of them.
Joe thanked Howard for being in their lives. He said sometimes they don't like him but thank you for being in our lives from everyone who listens to him. Joe said sometimes Robin doesn't even like him. Robin laughed. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said the Hulk was also moved by the interview. He took the call from one of the guys in the back who was doing a Hulk impression talking about how moved he was. Then he changed back to Bruce Banner and back to Hulk.
Robin said it was so great to see Ringo. She said that he looks so good. Howard said it looks like he found the fountain of youth. Robin said he is amazing. Howard said he really looks amazing and so did Joe too. He said he never thought that Joe would be walking the planet at this point. He said that he's done a full reversal. Robin said he's so happy too. Howard said he even paid him the ultimate compliment that sometimes he likes him.
Howard took a call from a guy who sad that was a great interview. He asked how he feels deep down inside having them in and having them open up to him and opening up to them. Howard said he feels great right now. He said he'll go home and bum out though.
Howard said he did a good job today. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she sat next to him out in L.A. She said she left him alone. She was going on and on and Howard asked what she's saying. Robin had to interpret for her. Howard asked what's going on with her phone. It was making noise. Howard said she's yelling so much it's shorting out. Mariann went over what Ringo and Joe said and Mariann's phone was freaking out. She screamed before Howard hung up on her. Howard said he's looking Howard to seeing Ringo's book.
Robin started her news with a story about the highest paid television hosts. Howard wanted to guess who was on it. Robin said that they are also looking at people how make the most money including people who have syndicated shows. Howard said Steve Harvey must be on there. He said Judge Judy must be on there. Robin said she's number 1. They estimate that her annual income is $147 million. Robin said 100 of that is from selling reruns of the show. Howard said he puts a lot more work into his show than she does. He said he was offered one of those shows years ago but he turned it down. He said he's not a judge. Robin said she got an offer too. Howard said she should have taken it.
Robin said Ellen Degeneres is number 2 on the list. Howard said she deserves it. He said he can get ratings but he's such an asshole that sponsors are afraid of him. Robin said they count other deals that she has so this isn't just her TV show. Howard said his agent told him to be like Johnny Carson. He said he hated Johnny Carson. He said Ellen doesn't have to be like him. Robin said Dr. Phil is number 3 on the list.
Howard said he was watching Judge Judy in passing one day and he thinks Beth has it on for the cats. He said they seem to blur the camera for her. He said he'd like that done for him. Robin said he can do that. Robin said on the Thanksgiving day parade they were blurring Diana Ross. She said you could not see her. She said her hair was in her face and she was too far from the camera to be seen. Robin said it could have been anyone up there. She said her daughter was very clearly seen but not Diana. Howard put his hoodie up so he could look like her.
Robin read about number 4 on that list being Ryan Seacrest. Howard said he knows that he thinks he'd competing with him. He said he has to do like 12 jobs to get that kind of money. Howard said he doesn't like that. Robin said he does a lot of shows. She said he's making $74 million. She said Steeve Harvey is at 44 million.
Howard said he has had a lot of shows offered to him. He said he won't say what they were but he could be making that kind of money too. He said he won't sell clothing and things like that. He said he could compete with Oprah with a diet food but he's keeping it classy like Johnny Carson. Howard asked why he should make money while he sleeps. Robin said these people have money coming in from many places.
Robin asked why there aren't more office parties this year. Howard said because of the #MeToo movement. Robin said he's right. She read the article about that and had some audio for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough getting married. Howard said that Mika is sexy. He finds her very exciting. Robin said Joe does too apparently. Howard said this guy is a player. He said she's kind of hot so he gets why he's into her. Howard said he loves that they denied that they were dating for a while. He said they all knew it. Gary said the consensus in the office is that she is hot. Howard said it's in an odd way though. He said he pictured them touching under the table and stuff during the show. He said not now that they're married though. Robin asked if this will last. Howard said he thinks so. He said that guy has to pull his shit together after 3 marriages.
Robin read a story about Robert De Niro and his wife getting a divorce. Howard said he met his wife and she was very nice. He said he's been in rooms with Robert and he won't say a word to him. He said his wife will talk to him and he won't say a word. He said he loves the guy though. He said he has only seen him like once or twice but each time he doesn't look that happy to see him. He said he might be kind of intimidated because he loves The Godfather and Goodfellas among others. He said he's done some awesome movies. He said his wife is very nice to him. He said he's sorry to see them break up. He said that he might be hanging with Grace from now on. He said that Robin De Niro has a nice ring to it. Robin said he doesn't look like a fun time to her. She said she would continue to talk to Howard if she married him though. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about El Chapo's wife being in court getting an interpretation for his case. Robin said she's there every day. Robin said she was caught with a banned cell phone though.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was going to blow smoke up his ass for something but Mariann blew out her ear drum so now she needs surgery on her ear. Howard thanked her for the call and said she was very loud too.
Howard wondered if anyone would date El Chapo's wife if he goes to jail. Robin said no way. She said she looks like a Kardashian too. Howard said he'd rather be told she's got a dick.
Robin read a story about a couple that tried to set up a fund to give money to a homeless man. She had Howard play some audio from an interview the couple did. Robin said this was about a homeless man who allegedly gave a woman his last 20 bucks to get gas to get her family home. Robin said it turns out that they had 14,000 contributors and they raised over $400,000 and now it turns out the whole story was fake. Robin said the three made up the story and they wound up with the 400 grand and fought over the money. Robin said now they've all been charged with a crime. Robin said people will question these campaigns now. Howard said what did them in was people donated too much money. He said if they hadn't then they never would have gotten caught.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who went off on the woman who called in complaining about her earlier. She screamed about her for a few before Howard hung up on her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Ringo interview was phenomenal. Howard said it was great for him too. He thanked the guy for the call. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about NASA landing a Mars explorer and how they managed to land it successfully. Robin said that's wonderful. She said that caused them to jump up and down. Robin said it took 7 months to get there. She said they're now going to be able to do experiments there. Howard said that's great. He said he loves science and NASA and all of that. He said they've brought us so many great inventions. That led to Fred playing clips of Riley Martin for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves the show and the interview with Ringo was amazing. He said it shows that he's a great interviewer. Howard thanked him for that. He said it was great to have Joe Walsh there too.
Robin read a story about how people are dying from their breast implants. Robin said they say that it may cause a rare blood cancer. Robin said the FDA is looking into complaints about this cancer after women had their implants put in. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about her cancer diagnosis after she got the implants. Howard said women with great natural tits are laughing at this story. Robin said 9 women have died from this according to a study. She said it's not every implant though. She said it's this particular type.
Robin read a story about a Chinese researcher who claims to have made the first genetically manipulated babies. Howard said he's not sure how that works. Robin said they were looking to create people who have an ability to resist infections with HIV and the AIDS virus. Howard said he's predicting that in 25 years they'll have Chinese guys with foot long penises. He said that's probably what they were actually working on.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to give Fred some love. She said no one makes her laugh more than Fred. Howard said how about him. She said Fred is a close second. Howard thanked her for the call.
Howard said Sour Shoes is on the phone. He picked up and Sour was doing his George Takei impression. He was singing a song as George. Then he switched to Gary and Richard Simmons. Howard tried to ask him a question but the music was so loud. Howard asked if he can imagine a Chinese man with a foot long penis. Sour George was joking about that and rambling. Howard asked if Gary is there. Sour was doing his Gary impression singing about eating chocolate. Howard said he heard him on the Sean Hannity show the other day. Sour Gary went into that Gary rambling thing. Howard thanked him and hung up.
Robin had Howard play some audio of Louis C.K. talking about how men are the biggest threat to women in this world. Robin said that Louis is right about that because a new study shows that women are more often killed by the people in their lives. Robin said they're very negatively impacted by the people they have intimate relationships with. Howard said Louis is right. Robin read more about that study and said Louis was right when he made that statement.
Robin read a story about the Mississippi runoff election that's happening today. She had some details about that and had some audio for Howard to play. Fred played the Crackhead Bob clip where he tried to say Mississippi.
Robin read a story about President Trump and how he responded to the questions about the tear gassing of the migrants trying to get into the country at the Mexico border. Robin said Trump was questioning the parents of the children who were gassed. Robin had Howard play some clips. Trump claims that some of these people are ''grabbers'' who just grab kids thinking they can get in because they have kids. Robin said that this whole thing is a mess. Howard said it seems like the whole country is a mess at this point.
Robin read a story about romaine lettuce being okay to buy again. Robin said they have tied the E. Coli to romaine coming from California. Robin said they are now marking the lettuce with the place of origin.
Robin read a story about a Colorado dad who killed his wife and children. Robin said a male lover has come forward and says he had paid trysts with this guy Christopher Watts. Robin had some audio of that guy talking about how this guy had messaged him saying he wasn't comfortable being out. Robin had audio of the guy talking about how they met in person and how their relationship grew.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Ringo and how he showed Howard very little respect. Howard said the guy was lovely. He said they had a great time together. The caller said Ringo cut him off and didn't let him speak. Howard said he didn't think so. The caller also said no more air time for Fred today. He said it's too much.
Howard took a call from Balls who said that was an incredible interview and he doesn't feel like that other caller. He said he liked the whole discussion about the Peace and Love video. Balls said he saw a Kevin Hart thing on the internet where he had a birthday party for his kid that was a Cowboys and Indians theme. He said people are saying that's racially insensitive. Howard said that little game cost the Indians everything. He said that they got fucked up. He said it's a nasty reminder when they do that. Howard said he's sure he wasn't thinking it through. He asked who cares anyway.
Howard said there are so many better things to have other than cowboys and Indians. He said Fred threw a Nazi and Jew party. Howard did a live commercial read and ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started the show talking about how he was busy yesterday. He said he and Fred are collaborating on a song. Robin said this again. Fred said he thinks this could be it. Howard said they're hung up on the fact that he can't sing. He said he asked Fred how you learn the song. He said Fred told him to listen to it over and over again. He said he can't do that. He said he just wanted to go in and sing it. He said he's not a pro though. He said pros can go in and do it in one take.
Robin said Howard is going to be one of those 100 take artists. Howard said he was listening to the Beatles White album outtakes. He said they did a lot of takes. Fred said on one song they did like 128 takes and didn't use any of them.
Howard said look for new music in the new year from the team of Fred and Howard. Robin asked how they're putting it out. Howard said on streaming. Robin said she wants him to be available for a Grammy nomination.
Howard said they have the disabled computer guy phony phone call. He said Brent was at the radio hall of fame and now he's involved in the hall of fame. He said he feels it's a legitimate organization now. Robin said she can't wait to hear that.
Howard said that's not all. He said he has a lot of stuff to play today. That led to Howard talking about how he goes to an Italian restaurant where they don't have a menu. He said the waiters all have it memorized. Howard said he loves that. He said he listens to the guy and he has it all memorized. Robin said she likes a menu.
Howard said he also has some clips from Anime-Con. He said that's Japanese animation. He said there's something called Hentai which is Anime porn. He said things have gotten weird. He said that you used to beat off to stuff but not this weird cartoon stuff. He said there are real girls on the internet doing things. He said there's no explanation. He said the cartoons can do things like be raped by an octopus. He said it's cartoons though. He said he wants to look at a real woman. He said he's putting himself above cartoon masturbators.
Howard said jerking off is gross enough already and you just want to get it over with. He said he was proud that he masturbates to people after hearing this.
Howard said the song he and Fred are working on now is a B-52s kind of song. He said they're big Fred Schneider fans. He said he's the lead singer of the band. Howard said he worked for a guy named Fred Schreiber. Fred said that's the name of Elephant Boy too.
Howard said WRNW got rid of their call letters and someone else picked them up. He said he used to work there. Howard said he used to know where everyone worked and who was there but he's out of touch now. He said Mel Karmazin's son owns a bunch of stations now. He said his name is Craig Karmazin. He said he started a company named Good Karma. He said the kid got hosed in a way. He said not really hosed but he went out to buy a radio station for $16 million. He said then he gets the station and IHeartRadio switched one of their stations to sports after Mel's son got his station which was a sports station. Howard said he's sure Mel will teach his kid how to punish those people.
Howard said Donna Feducia said something about Mel once and he kept her from getting a job. Gary said all she did was agree with something that Howard said. Howard said Mel never let her work for one of his stations. Gary said he made her come in for an interview just so he could yell at her.
Howard said he'll be keeping an eye on that Karmazin kid's stations. Robin said she was at an event once and Mel had invited her. She said she sat at his table. She said Ted Utz came over to say hello and Mel didn't speak or respond to the guy's handshake. Howard said he and Ted email each other. He said he'll have to ask about that. Robin said the guy just had to go.
Howard said he has to see if Mel's son has the same kind of way of working. He said you don't fuck with a Karmazin. Howard did his Mel impression talking about how to go to war in radio. Howard said if his kids got into radio he'd tell them the same thing. He said Mel has to be teaching his kid the same way of work. Robin said she found it interesting the way Joe and Ringo were talking about how they never wanted to get into battles with other bands.
Howard said a lot of innocent people died in the radio wars. He said he was reading about the WRNW thing. He said they call it 107.1 The Peak now.
Howard said he has to get back to the cartoon thing. He said Chris Wilding went to the convention and talked to some guys. Howard said Anime is the Japanese kind of animation. Robin said it was a cute thing when it started and now it's a whole porno thing. Howard asked the guys to stop giving him the information about the station. He said it was WXPK The Peak. He said he has no soldiers under him to fight the radio war.
Howard said there's a sub group called the Hentai people who are into Japanese animation porn. Robin asked if this is under the Anime-Con. He said that it's known for having women raped by giant octopus. Howard said there were hundreds of people at this convention. He said they had film screenings and much more. He said Chris called it a misfits paradise.
Howard said they have nightly Hentai screenings. He said the lineups were really long. He said everyone wants to see the Anime fucking. Robin said she feels bad for everyone whose parents know they're at this convention.
Howard played a clip of a guy talking about what Hentai is and how he's not really into it. He said he never got in with the really explicit stuff. He said he may be into it some day. Robin said he wasn't able to tell that lie straight. Howard said he wants that guy on the show. He said it says he returned the next night to the screening.
Howard said they say that Hentai is a category on every major web site. He had some audio of a Hentai cartoon where this guy is playing with his sisters rectum. Howard played the clip and said this is where they can do stuff that's not real. He said he just came. Robin said ''Oh my god.'' She said that's where they got those porns where guys were giving women enemas on the beach.
Howard said he has to get on with this. He said he thinks the bomb we dropped on them really fucked them up. He said Einstein knew there would be an aftershock.
Howard played a clip of a guy talking about his favorite scene from a Hentai movie. The guy was talking about the tentacles attacking a woman and going inside of her. He said one came out her mouth. He said some of them ejaculated too. Howard said he has no idea what that guy just said.
Howard had a clip of a woman talking about the rape they have in these movies and how the tentacle thing is all rape. She said that it's like BDSM without the consent. Howard asked what BDSM is. Robin wasn't sure. Gary said it's Bondage Discipline Sadomasochism.
Howard said Chris talked to a girl about tentacle porn. In the clip the woman said she would like to have that.
Howard said he should mention that Fred has an octopus up his ass right now. Howard said Chris talked to a guy from Ecuador who likes this Anime porn. The guy was talking about why he likes this stuff.
Howard asked if any of these guys aren't virgins. Robin said they probably all are. Howard said this guy carries around a picture from Anime in his wallet and considers them his family. Howard said this is sad. He played the clip and the guy was talking about how he considers them his real family. He said that's his life. Howard did his impression of that guy. Robin said maybe this stops serial killing and stuff like that. Howard said that was the coolest guy at the whole convention.
Howard said he thinks that Iran and Iraq don't have porn and that's why they go crazy over there. He said his creep meter exploded while listening to this stuff.
Howard said this guy has over 100 Hentai DVDs at home. He said he still lives at home with his parents. He played a clip of the guy talking about how he spent about $10,000 on the Anime. He said he has about 100 DVDs. He said he's going to be 33 the next week and he's still living at home. Howard said he had a big skull mask on too.
Howard asked JD if he eats all of his food separately. JD said he will. Howard asked if that's why he keeps his lunch like that. JD said yes. He said that he throws those bags out when he's done. Howard said yesterday seemed like a heavy baggie day. He said he was shocked by the number of cookies. JD said they were tiny. Howard said they looked condensed. Robin said this is like a child's lunch.
Howard said they did a news story about a whale dying from plastic bags in its stomach. He said they were probably all from JD. Howard asked if he had a Juicy Box yesterday. JD said he didn't have one you idiot. Howard said JD loves it when he looks over his lunch. JD said he has lunch around 11:15am. Howard said he does that too. He said as soon as Robin says ''And that's what's happening'' he's ready to eat. He said he was going to tear Ronnie's head off yesterday when he wasn't able to find his sandwich. He said someone put it in the wrong compartment.
Howard said he gets so hungry by the end of the show. He said when he got to JD yesterday most of the food was gone. JD said he missed sandwich and an apple. Howard asked what he was drinking yesterday. JD said he had a Coke. Howard said he's packing in those calories.
Howard said Ronnie was jumping in on the goofing yesterday. He said he heard JD had some chocolate this morning. JD said he had one of each of two different things. Howard said there's so much weird stuff that goes on around there. He said this woman appears on the Wrap Up Show and her name is Laura Lipman. He said as a thank you she sent over Lox yesterday. He said that they were wondering what to do with it when they got it. He said they didn't want to put it in Gary's refrigerator because he might eat it all.
Jason said that it was three people who were talking about this. He said it was sent over late in the day. He said they wondered where to put it. He said when they were going to put it in Gary's office they talked about how Gary took like 1/4 pound of it for himself. He said they wanted everyone to get a shot at it. Jason said Gary also ate a bunch of chocolate pieces and he went round to the guys in the office picking one piece each. Gary went around saying he ate all of the good ones already.
Jason said Gary got mad at him when he messed up the map in the box. Howard said JD has soda and Doritos for breakfast sometimes. JD said he doesn't do that so much anymore. Howard said JD is gaining weight because his diet is terrible. Robin said she thought that he had lost some weight for his wedding. Howard said he packed on more after the wedding. He doesn't have to look his best for dating anymore.
Robin asked why everything has to have color. She said he's a baby. Howard said it's like Trix for kids. Howard said you know JD has been doing 7 push ups a day. JD said he does 10 sets of 10 a day. Howard said there's zero chance of that. JD said he really is.
Howard said JD hates it when he watches him eat. He said he'll just stand there. JD said he has to eat around 11:15. He said he can't wait. Howard said he likes to eat when he eats. He said he should come in there with him and have his meal. JD said he'll pass on that. Howard said he's inviting him in. JD said no thanks. Howard said he eats in about 5 minutes. He said Benjy eats in secret every day. He said no one can figure that out. He said he has really gotten fat. He said they all watch what he eats. He said he's had 5-10 pretzels so far. He said that he's had two bagels and lox. Howard asked if he puts cream cheese on it. They said he puts butter on it. Howard asked who puts butter on with lox. He said maybe skip the condiment.
Howard said Gary is just looking at him. He asked how you leave out the butter detail. Gary said he has a lot of Benjy's eating. He asked if he's ready. Gary read off the list and it had chocolate, two Jamwiches out of the vending machine, a bag of plantains, frozen strawberries and cantaloupe and watermelon from Ringo's green room. Robin asked when he has time to write. Howard said he's constantly feeding. He said one Jamwich is 410 calories. He said he had two.
Gary said he had dinner too. He said he had two dinners. The first one was meatless spaghetti. He said then he had Chinese food. Howard said it's the most fattening food on the planet. He said if he's having meatless spaghetti you know it's a whole box. Gary said he eats it with fake meat. He wasn't sure what that meant. Howard said he knows there's fake meat.
Howard asked what else he has. Gary said his second dinner was delivered at 9:53 last night. Howard said no wonder he's so tired. He said what a fatso. He asked what's going on with him. He said he's going to die young. He asked what he's doing to himself.
Howard had Benjy come in to talk about it. Benjy said he was just hungry last night. He said if he gets a full sleep he's good. Howard said he can't be eating so much at night. Benjy said he hates fat people. He said especially white fat people. He said he hates it and he's disgusted by it. He said he admires people like Howard. Howard said he could blow up. He said he's hungry all the time. Howard asked if he feels weird that people are monitoring all of this. Benjy said it's disgusting to him too. He said he isn't denying it though.
Howard said they had a discussion about how he's put on a ton of weight after Thanksgiving. He said that someone said he looked like a parade balloon. Gary said he had a weird interaction with Benjy yesterday. He said they were catching up over the holidays and the bottom three buttons of his shirt weren't buttoned and he reached up to yawn and he saw everything.
Howard asked what size his pants are. Benjy said he gets all of his stuff from DXL and he doesn't know what size they are. Howard said he'll give them a plug. He said Benjy is considered skinny by their standards. He said he looks like Bouncing Boy. He said if he was single that would be a big motivator to him. Benjy said it is. He said he was listening to them talking about death and all of that and he is disgusted by his weight. He said he doesn't want to die.
Howard said he's out of control. Robin asked if he thinks that the monitoring will help. Howard said he thinks it will. Benjy said it's one way to get on air. Robin said it's an incentive to eat then. Howard played a song parody about Benjy's weight.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she had to lose some weight and she said she went to boring food like steamed vegetables. She said it's really boring but she did it and pushed herself. She said she knows it sucks. Howard said alright, she's boring. He said that she's lecturing him now.
Howard said he doesn't eat between meals. He said Benjy didn't need to eat a bag of strawberries and melon. Benjy said he knows that. He said he did well on Monday night. He said he ate normally. He said he heard Howard talking about his Gelato and he stopped at a diner and got an apple pie with ice cream. He said that was kind of nice. He said he ended his day with a treat.
Howard said this is what he did yesterday. He said he told Beth he was throwing all of that Gelato right out in the garbage. He said she has willpower. He said she'll stop eating if she feels she's getting big. He said she'll skip two meals a day. He said he has to pick her up off the floor because she stops eating.
Howard said Benjy had spaghetti and then had Chinese food. Benjy said he got sauce on side like Howard does. Howard congratulated him on getting some air time. Benjy tanked him for that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said Benjy can do it but he needs just a little bit of will power. Howard asked how they get that. She said he has to be afraid of dying. She gave some advice on skipping the carbs. Howard said he thinks it's all about calories. He said you can eat whatever you want. The caller was going on and on about how many calories to eat a day. Howard said just do 3 normal meals. Howard said for breakfast he has the same thing. He said that he has the same thing every day of his life. He said he has one yogurt with no sugar in it. He said it's the most vile yogurt on the planet. He said then he puts blueberries in it. He said it's just a handful of berries. He said that sweetens it up a little. He said then he has a tablespoon of granola. The caller said that stuff is no good. Howard said he's trying to help here. Howard said he has coffee and that's it. He said until Robin says that's what's happening then he's off to lunch. He said he has the same thing every day. He said that's an egg wrap. He said that he eats nothing between that and dinner. He said then he goes out to dinner. He said he had some pasta with eggplant. He said he went crazy and said no dessert but they brought over a cookie so he had one cookie. Howard said he was down a pound and a half after that. He said that he has had this conversation with Benjy a million times. He said he's wasting his breath. Robin said this has been going on for years. The caller said it shows he cares. Howard accidentally lost Mary when he said he has someone on the phone to talk to her.
Howard said he's doing something nice for Benjy and it might be called The Benjy Minute. He said he's just working on it now. He said once a week if Benjy has been good he'll give him one minute of air time. Robin said no. Howard said that would be horrible but he has the Benjy Theme music. He said while it's on the countdown goes while he's talking. He said he'll play it for her.
Howard played the theme for Benjy that goes on for one minute and it's Benjy grunting the clock ticks. Then a woman's voice says how much time is left at 45 seconds and 30 seconds. The ticking gets faster and faster. Then the woman says 20 seconds remaining. 15 seconds and it gets faster and faster. Then Benjy's scream comes in and it counts down the final seconds. Robin said she doesn't like Howard having to monitor his behavior.
Gary said that Benjy isn't looking to have a minute to himself. He wants a conversation. Howard said that's fine but he has one minute.
Howard said speaking of people out of control. He picked up on High Pitch Erik. Erik asked how he's doing. Howard said he's okay. Erik said he said he doesn't eat chicken. He said he thought he ate Chicken Parmesan. Howard said he eats eggplant parm. Erik said he wanted to give Benjy some advice. Howard said he had surgery to lose weight. Erik said he drinks a protein shake and he has yogurt for lunch. He said for dinner he has hard boiled eggs. Howard said he doesn't believe what he just said. Robin said they hear about him going out to fast food joints. Erik said he doesn't go to fast food joints. Howard asked if he drinks soda. Erik said no. Howard asked if he's having anything other than what he just said. Erik said no. He said he weighs 279. Howard said that's impossible. He said if he was eating what he says he would be lower. He said he's lying to himself. Erik said he'll see what he weighs when he comes in there. Howard said 279 is still an enormous amount of weight. He said he can't be eating what he says.
Gary said Erik was in Las Vegas recently. He asked if he went to any buffets. Erik said no buffets. He said he had turkey and stuffing and cranberry sauce. He said he didn't have dessert. Gary asked if he had any fast food out there. Erik said none at all.
Howard said Erik is coming in to take a lie detector test to see if he's gay. He said he's going to throw in some diet questions in there too. Robin asked if he goes in to get weighed in. Erik said he's seeing his doctor on December 3rd. He said he's losing weight rapidly. He said they're going to do surgery to take the extra skin off. Howard said they're doing a whole week of Christmas shows. He said they're mind blowing. He said they have Tan Mom vs. Medicated Pete Family Feud. He said it's going to be a big week. Howard said they have a surprise involving Robin too. He said they will also have Erik sit down for that lie detector test too.
Howard said he has three guys coming in for Erik and he gets to choose out of the three. Erik asked if they're famous. Howard said these guys would turn on any gay man. Erik asked about Donnie Wahlberg. Howard said he's a married man. Gary said Erik called Shuli asking if he could have John Stamos or Donnie sit in during his lie detector test. He said the machine might explode if Donnie walks by with his shirt off.
Howard asked Erik if the test says he's gay then what is he going to do. He said he has three guys coming in to get nude for him. Howard said he can make out with them if he wants to. Erik said if one is John Stamos he'll make out with him. Howard asked if he really needs a lie detector test for this. Gary asked if you can be gay for only one person. Erik said he loves women but he wants to see if he's gay for John and Donnie.
Howard asked if he gets John to come in will he let him put his penis in his ass. Erik said he would put his penis in John's ass. Robin said he's a top. Erik said he wants to see what the lie detector shows. Howard asked if John wants him to blow him and swallow. Erik said he's not sure if he can swallow. Robin asked about Donnie. Erik said that's a different story. He said Donnie might be better than John's load. He said he thinks Donnie's load is better because he's married to Jenny McCarthy. Robin said so is John. Erik said he's never seen his wife.
Howard said most men don't need this test to figure it out. Erik said he wants to know what the lie detector shows. Howard said that will happen. He said he's not sure that Donnie wants to get a hand job from him. Robin said Donnie is sure that he's not gay.
Howard asked if he put Donnie Wahlberg in a room with Emily Ratajkowski... Erik said he doesn't know her. He said he knows Nikki Glaser. Howard said if he put the two of them in the room who does he go to. Erik said he would do Donnie first and then Nikki. Howard said you can only have one. Erik said he would do Donnie because he got him on Blue Bloods. Howard said that's an indication that he's gay. He said he would push Donnie out of the way and do Nikki.
Howard said he's going to give him a test. He said Ariana Grande is in the room completely naked and she's horny as hell. He said she hasn't fucked in a long time. He said she sees Erik and wants him to go down on her. Howard said then Donnie come in and says Jenny has been out of town for two weeks and he's open to him blowing him and swallowing his load. He asked Erik which one he would do. Erik said he would have to do Ariana. He said he feels bad for her. Howard said Donnie hasn't cum in weeks and his balls are filled. Erik said he'd still have to do Ariana. Howard said the head of his dock is dripping pre-cum. Erik said he's going with Ariana. He said he would say sorry to Donnie and do Ariana. Robin said maybe they do need this test. Howard said maybe they do.
Gary said Erik has other issues. He said he's threatening people all the time. He said Gonzo sent him a note about his new dog and his girlfriend and Erik threatened to stab Gonzo and his dog. Howard asked why he would do that. Erik said he did it as a joke. He said Gonzo doesn't take him seriously. Howard said he has to go. He told him to stop with the threats. Erik said he doesn't take him seriously.
Howard said one day the cops are going to show up and arrest him. Erik said Gonzo said that wasn't even his dog.
Shuli said that Erik has threatened people with his fake gun from the set of Blue Bloods. He said he's told him to ignore it or he'll end up in jail. Howard asked if he had someone threaten to stab people when he was growing up. Erik said no. He said someone got him kicked out of his apartment and he got upset about that. Erik said that he and Gonzo are best friends. Howard said Erik is so fat that he'd never be able to stab anyone. Shuli said that he would have no energy to do it either.
Howard said he's really behind with commercials. He said he has to go. Erik asked who is on the show today. Howard said just him. He said he has to go. He let Erik go and Shuli did his impression of Erik for a short time. Howard said it sounds like people are stuck in his throat like in that movie Get Out.
Shuli said that Erik gets tired and his voice gets really deep. He said that he had never heard that. He said when he gets exhausted his real voice comes out. He did his impression of that too. He said they got this Pedicab with Erik and this guy was trying to pedal and they were barely moving. He said it was both Erik and Joey Boots at the time and they were both fat. Howard said it's like 700 pounds between them. Howard said Erik was like 400 and Boots was like 300. Howard asked if the guy got it done. Shuli said he did but the guy was sweating like crazy. Shuli said he gave the guy an extra 10 bucks.
Howard said what a great scene that was. Shuli said he's pretty sure he has video of that. He said he has to check. Howard said he's heard that deep voice that Erik does. Howard had a compilation of gross sounds that Erik has made on the show. He played that and it was all kinds of gurgling sounds that have come out of Erik. Howard said that's how they communicated so the Nazis couldn't beat our code. He said it sounds like a coffee machine.
Howard said this clip is Erik with the low voice in Pittsburgh. Shuli said that's what he was talking about. Howard played the clip and Erik was so tired and yelling out in a low voice. Howard said he turned into Barry White. Fred played some clips to go along with that. Shuli did his impression of Erik's voice change. Howard said they might need to hear that again. Robin agreed. Howard played the clip again.
Howard did his impression of Erik and asked if they can mix a Barry White song with Erik's low voice.
Howard said he has Steve the cop on the phone. Steve said Erik could get arrested for that fake gun thing. He said that it doesn't have to be a real gun. He said it can be a fake gun and people can perceive it as a real one and they can have him arrested. Howard said Erik is stupid and his IQ is like 87. He said he thinks because it's fake that the cops will know. He said that they're going to shoot him. Howard said Erik's IQ was actually 66. He said Bobo was 87. Steve said Bobo is head and shoulders above Erik.
Howard said Erik goes to court and the judge sees he's a moron and they feel bad for him. He said he gets out of jail time. He said if he waves a gun around he's going to get in real trouble. Shuli said if the person carries a real gun he's really going to get fucked.
Howard thanked Steve for the call. He said now they have Low Pitch Erik. He said they were so used to that high pitch voice. Howard said if he was that Pedicab guy he'd pedal right by. Howard said he has to take a break.
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Howard said Erik can be pushed into that stuff and he could end up getting into trouble. Mariann said that the cops don't know about that. She said the cops know Erik but he could get in trouble. Howard said today she's making sense. Howard said a chicken could outsmart Erik. Robin said that's why he needs a lie detector test to figure out if he's gay. Howard said Mariann was making sense today. Robin said they had a conversation with her today.
Howard said he has to play the disabled computer guy phony phone call. He said he has a history of this guy who speaks through a computer. He said he calls into internet radio shows and gives them a hard time. Howard played a phony phone call that they made to a radio show where the guy said he's disabled and he is demanded that they talk politics on this show. The host freaked out saying he's not going to talk about that.
Howard said in the next call they introduced his mother and she speaks through a computer too. Howard played that phony phone call. In that one they called into an internet radio show and had the computer guy call in and then his mother called in with a similar computer voice.
Howard said you have to love this guy and his mother. Robin said you have to love these shows. Howard said now they have a brand new call to debut. Howard said this is Disabled Computer guy and his mother returning to talk to the Cathy show. Howard said no matter what they say to Cathy she believes it. Howard said last time they called her she bought that they were in a sinking ship. Howard said this time they told Cathy that they wanted to climb Mt. Rainier. Howard played the call and Disabled Computer Guy told Cathy that he's climbing the mountain and he wants to be the first disabled person to do it. Cathy told him to do it. Then he falls and his voice cuts off. Then his mother calls Cathy and she says she can't believe that she would encourage him to climb a mountain in a wheelchair. Cathy said that was his decision. She said she can't help him. Cathy argues with the mom for a short time. Then the mom's chair breaks after running over a pebble. Cathy said she is not Jesus and she does not make decisions for anyone. She said how dare you and they owe her an apology.
Howard said they should have a disabled police officer call her and tell her she's going to be charged with manslaughter for going up Mt. Rainier. Howard said that might be the best phony phone call ever. He went to break after that.
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Howard took a call from frequent caller Pocket who said he was talking about porn on Monday and wishing that he could eat out a woman better. He asked if he ever asks Ronnie for advice. Howard said no, he's not going to do that. He said Ronnie should be in jail over those tips he gives. He said that would be a really creepy conversation. He said off the air he's a lot different. He said he talks about how he doesn't get guys jerking off all the time. He said the tips thing is just for the air.
Pocket said he got some tips from a lesbian neighbor and asked if he wanted that advice. Howard said he doesn't think so. Pocket started to talk about how you have to go in for the clit. He did it like Ronnie. Howard hung up on him. He said he's not in the mood for that.
Howard said he thinks he knows how to go down on a woman. He said he might have to demonstrate on Robin and get some tips from her. He told her to come over there right now. He said some women are resistant to his charm and want to move on. He said they don't want to be licked. He said he's ready to move on to the main event anyway. He said some women have enjoyed it. He said he thinks some of them orgasmed. Robin asked if they're trying to get away from him. Howard said they shake almost. He said their eyes roll into the back of their head and their body stiffens up. He said it's like a jumping bean. He said they rock. He said sometimes the woman just wants it in there. Robin said sometimes you just want that. Howard said he's ready to go pretty much any time. He said if he can grab their buttocks for a few seconds he's pretty hard.
Robin said that Howard was talking about how much trouble he has sustaining and trying to prepare himself and all of that. Howard said there are a lot of performance issues. He said you try to masturbate before you're with a woman so you can hold out. He said a lot of times it doesn't work.
Howard said he sometimes only lasts for one thrust. He said here have been women that hot that he only lasted that long. Robin said that he finds the woman hot and that makes him excited. Howard said yes. He said there's also a feel. Howard said some women feel differently. He said he came to the conclusion that maybe they were too hot for him. He said he would never be able to satisfy them. Robin said maybe after a certain time he'd get used to that. Howard said with Beth he can do pretty good with her. He said she indicates that he's pretty good with her. Robin said you learn to deal with the situation.
Howard said he was with some women that didn't want to last long. He said they wanted to finish up. He said he dated some women who enjoyed sex with him. He said it's kind of like Goldilocks. He said sometimes it's just right. Robin said there is more chemistry than he knows. Howard said Ronnie seems to think that he knows how to get women off. Robin said she remembers once that they did something with Jackie's wife Nancy and she said she was able to find something attractive about any man. Howard said that's good. He said he could show her some guys that it might not work on. Howard said he bets Benjy could stump her.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's learned everything about sex from him and Dr. Ruth. She said that Howard has talked about what made Paris Hilton a good girl. Howard asked what that was. Howard said he does think she's hot. He said that she is an attractive woman. Fred played some Paris clips of her saying ''Thank you'' and things like that. The caller said she just wanted to thank Howard for that. Robin asked what's happened in her life that has been so great. The caller said that was many years ago but she wanted to thank him for that. Howard asked how old she is. She said she's 48. She said she thinks that she's been on hold since Howard did the Valerie Bertinelli dial-a-date. She said she tried calling in back then.
Howard asked what she does with her husband that's so great. She said that she got to utilize all of that before she got married. She said she was dating a guy they sort of know. She said she was a photography director and one of the editors she was dating said she was the only person to completely turn around on his penis without getting up. Howard said she's what they call a spinner. He said she was sitting on the guy and he was on his back and she spun all the way around. The caller, Allie, said ''Yeah!'' Howard said that sounds ridiculous. Howard said he's not sure he would want that. Allie said that she didn't do it fast. Howard asked if she's hot. Allie said she is cute but maybe not hot. Howard asked if she's hotter than Tina Fey. Allie said no but she would be amazing. Howard said he's trying to think of girls who are cute. Allie said she's kind of like a Kardashian or a Cher with the olive skin.
Howard asked how tall she is. Allie said she's really short. She said Howard would hate her. Howard kept asking. She said she's 5 feet. Howard said he was with a woman who was like 5'3'' tall. He said they didn't walk around together. He said they'd look like Laurel and Hardy.
Howard said he thinks he'd like Allie. He found out she was 99 pounds or so. Howard said he thinks that would be fun if she tried spinning on him. Howard asked if she's shaved. She said she is and she's tan and smoothed. She said her therapist told her that Howard's obsession with perfection may have messed her up. Howard said that he's not obsessed with perfection. He said before he was with women who didn't even look like women. He said he slept with a woman who had a tail. He said he wants her to feel good about herself.
Allie said she went to U.S. Open Sores and she sat behind all of the girls there. She said she knew she didn't have to be perfect. She said that her therapist also said that Robin is a very strong woman for being able to be in that environment. Howard said he really has to go. He told her to tell her therapist to eat shit.
Howard said Allie sounds very cute to him. He asked if she ever had sex with Gary. She said she didn't but she did hang out with him at Planet Hollywood or something. She said that she's one of a million. Gary said he doesn't remember her. Allie said that she was friends with Fabio and she called in to talk about something that Howard had mentioned on the air. Howard asked if Fabio is hot. Robin said not really. She said it's just too much. Allie said she was surprised he was so funny. Howard said he has nothing to be upset about. Howard asked if she spun on that guy. Allie said no. Howard asked about the guy she spun on and if he asked what she was doing. Allie said he looked pretty happy about it. She said she kept it in her mental rolodex all this time. Howard said he must have had a big penis. Allie said it was decent. She said he's well known but not an actor. She said he was an editor.
Howard asked if she's hotter than Tina Fey. Allie said she can't say that. Howard asked if she's hotter than Martha Quinn. Allie said she definitely is. She laughed about that. Allie said she's like 50. Howard said he's back in 1985. He said that's where all of his references are.
Howard let Allie go and said when he was dating women they had tremendous imperfection. Robin said he's saying now he can get perfect. Howard said he can accept perfection as the standard now. He said he's a good guy. He said he helped that woman somehow. He said he helped and hurt her.
Howard said Ronnie is a pain in the ass. He said Chris Wilding was working on it and Chris wasn't able to work on it with Ronnie because Ronnie was being a dick. He said they had some clips from that recording session where Ronnie was acting like a tough guy. Howard played some of that.
Howard said it's Diva Mund. He said De Niro doesn't carry on like that. Howard said Ronnie gets upset because he can't do it so he becomes a tough guy. Howard played more of that recording session and said they gave up after a while. He said no more Ronnie musical. Howard said Chris came to him and said that it was too stressful.
Howard said they had Tan Mom up there and they produced a Tan Mom Musical. He said this song is called Tanning is a Girl's Best Friend. He said this was probably the last recording session with her. Howard played the song that they got out of her.
Howard said she's a tan Ethel Merman. Howard said you hear that and think you can do something with the musical but there's already trouble in paradise. Howard said they're trying to make them stars but working with Tan Mom is tough. Howard played a clip of Tan Mom being asked to sing like Chris is singing. Chris would sing a line and Tan Mom would repeat it. She wasn't able to get it out. She was asking how she's Patricia Marie if she's telling everyone to tan.
Howard said she's like Carol Tanning. He said Christian Bale is easier to work with. He played some audio of him freaking out on the set of a movie.
Howard said he has a clip of Tan Mom freaking out when she sees Memet walk by the studio. He said she's turned on to Memet. Howard said that she was all distracted by him. He had some audio of Tan Mom talking to ''Lemet'' as she calls him. Tan Mom said one of her friends wants to go out with him. She said she's semi-attractive. Memet said that he's dating someone. Tan Mom said that she has to change that label.
Howard said they can't get anything done with her. He said Tan Mom is a little flirt. He had her on the phone. She asked if she's on the air. Howard said yes. Howard said she's not easy to work with. Tan Mom said she knows. Howard said then she started in asking for Chris' glasses and stuff. Howard played another clip of her asking for his glasses so she can see. Chris asked her not to break them. Tan Mom said that was rude. Tan Mom said her glasses are over $1000 a pop. She said she would hand the over to him no questions asked.
Howard said they're just trying to do a bit. He said that's why the musical will never see the light of day. Robin said she thought Tan Mom got thrown out of a place. Howard asked where she gets money for glasses from. Tan Mom wasn't responding. Howard said he has to repeat the question now. Tan Mom said she has money and then she doesn't have money.
Tan Mom said she wants to apologize because she can come across as quite bratty. She said she's a very giving person though. She said she should back off. She said she's apologizing for that incident. She said she's not a singer though. Howard said they know that.
Gary said they said goodbye to Tan Mom on September 24th and she has only been in Florida for 4 days since then. Howard asked what happened. Tan Mom said it's a little personal. She said it's nothing she wants the world to know about. She said she has no problem talking to Howard about it. She said Shuli knows a lot.
Howard asked Shuli what's going on. Shuli said it might have to do with the kids and school. Tan Mom said no it's not that. She said it boils down to Richard her husband. Howard said for the Christmas special coming up they have Tan Mom coming in to do Family Feud. He said that her ''driver'' (husband) will be there. Howard said he's excited about this. Tan Mom said she hopes the bodyguards are going to be there. She said she doesn't like him. She said that it's an absolute nightmare.
Howard said from his viewpoint the guy seems devoted to her. He said he thinks she's throwing away a good man. Tan Mom said a lot of people like her. Howard said he likes her. He said he's a good guy though. He said he doesn't cheat on her and he's a good man. Tan Mom didn't think so apparently.
Shuli said that she told him one day that if he didn't leave her alone that she'd shoot her in the head. Howard said it's amazing that he's still with her. He asked if he's right about that. Tan Mom laughed. Howard said he thinks that maybe she has a good guy there. Tan Mom said it's not like she doesn't care. She said he just annoys her in every way.
Howard said he feels like he annoys her because he keeps track of the responsibilities and it's kind of a drag. Tan Mom said that she's the one who takes care of everything. She said she's the one who has to handle all of that. Howard said they'll sort it all out when she's up there. He said they'll give it a shot.
Howard said he knows she wants Sal. Tan Mom said Sal is just her friend. Robin asked if she would want him if he was free. Tan Mom said she doesn't want to answer that. Shuli said she has said it in the past that she does want Sal. Tan Mom said it has been a year. Shuli said it's been a lot longer than that. Howard said Sal is way into her.
Tan Mom said he had that basket of stuff they gave away when she came in there and they don't do that anymore. Howard said that's right. Tan Mom said that's why she's so lonely. Howard said he'll see her for the Christmas special. Tan Mom said okay. Shuli said a venue wants to have her sing at an event. He said she'd be doing the Tan Mom song. He said she wants him to sing it for her. Shuli did his impression of her and said he could do it for her. Howard said that would be great.
Howard played the Tan Mom song and Shuli did her parts. Howard asked why the truth can't be let out. He was referring to the lyrics in the song. Tan Mom said she's not wrapped up in all of that. She said she's asking to be left alone and she'd be fine. Howard said he thinks she wants the world to know that she's more than just Tan Mom. He said he thinks that's what the song is about. Tan Mom said something that Howard didn't understand. Shuli tried to interpret in her voice.
Howard asked if Shuli knows what she's talking about. Shuli said he has no idea. Howard said he loves Tan Mom. Tan Mom said McShuli is doomed. Shuli said that's her nickname for him. Howard let her go a short time later. Shuli said goodbye to her in her voice. Howard said he'd be good doing that event singing as Tan Mom. Howard played the song and had Shuli sing with it.
Howard asked if she can dance. Shuli said she better do something while he's singing. He did his impression of her singing the song and he was covering it pretty good. Howard asked if he can do that tough part. Shuli said sure he can. Howard thanked him for that and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he loves this song. He said that's his solo music. Robin said she heard Tan Mom say Jiminy Cricket today and that fits right into the song. Fred was playing clips of her saying that. Howard said this is such a good song. He said he loves the lyrics. Robin said Howard could write a song. Howard said he and Fred are coming out with one next year. He said he likes the way Robin sings.
Howard said he was thinking about Ringo and reviewing the day. He said he could talk to the guy for 12 hours straight and that wouldn't be enough. He said he wonders how Ringo feels about the band breaking up and why they weren't able to work it out. He said he remembers stories about them being offered $50 million to do one concert. He said that's when it was worth like 100 million in today's dollars. He said it must frustrate him. He said now it's moot because John and George are gone. He said maybe if they were on tour John wouldn't be gone.
Howard said a lot of people wrote in about the Ringo and Joe Walsh interview. He said he had so many different people writing them. He said that was nice. He said he was on a real high from that yesterday. Robin asked if he went home and bummed out. Howard said he didn't actually. He said that was a lot of fun seeing Ringo and Joe Walsh.
Howard read through some of the mail about Ringo and Joe. Howard said that a lot of people don't know that Joe married Ringo's sister in law.
Howard said people loved it. He said they were surprised to hear they were so close. Howard said a lot of people commented on how happy they were to hear Sour Shoes back on the show too. He read through some of that.
Howard read some email about some other things people were enjoying. He read about Memet being out yesterday on the day that Red Dead Redemption 2 Online was released. Robin said it was already out but now you can stream it (Wrong).
Howard read some email about mentioning that he had a vintage Green Day shirt. He said they have been around a long time so it is vintage. He said he hates email. Fred said they've been around since 1986. He said it is vintage. He said anything over 20 years would be vintage. Howard told the writer to shut up.
Howard said there's some controversy about the new time for the Wrap Up Show. He read some of the feedback about that. He had some people happy about it and some that hate that it moved. He said you can't please everyone all the time. Robin said she's adjusting to it. She said she has to rearrange her listening habits. Robin said she has to catch it at the 1 o'clock time.
Howard said people were shocked to hear that Fred and his wife had separated. Howard said he's shocked that he forgot about it. Fred said they've been married since 1994. He said the marriage is good so far after a couple of rough bumps.
Howard said he doesn't think he walked off the show for that reason they talked about. Gary said he thought it was over Howard going through his bag. Howard said he thought he had to call him and apologize over something. Fred didn't remember that. He said it's possible. He said he was distraught the day he walked off. Howard said he thought that it was something different. Fred said it was a guy who called in saying he saw him hitting his wife. He said that was too much. He said he would never resort to that.
Howard asked Fred why his wife never comes to the holiday party. Fred said she's in real estate now and they have parties around the same time. He said that she may come this year if he can clear her calendar.
Howard asked if everyone is looking forward to the party. He said he wants to see Memet's girlfriend's tittie dress. Howard said Memet claims she's an 11. Howard said he told his wife about that and she said that puts a lot of pressure on a woman. He said that they have to produce now.
Howard said he hopes Fred's wife is coming this year. Fred said that she'll come and hand out some cards. Howard asked if she has to walk around with college students looking for places. Fred said she doesn't have to do that but she does have to show people around who are looking for something for their kids.
Howard asked if Robin is going to wear a tittie dress. Robin said no because she doesn't want to compete with Memet's girlfriend. Howard said the competition will be over if Robin wears a tittie dress. He said there's one woman there who ends all tittie competitions.
Howard said he forgot about Fred walking off and what it was for. He said he thought it was over him looking through his bag. Howard said that separation thing was weird too. He said he didn't remember that. Fred said he has no way of knowing if she had sex during that time. He said she said no but he has no idea. Howard said he thought Fred had the best marriage. He said he still might. He said they do say that couples are supposed to fight. Howard asked how he got through it. Fred said things kind of work out. He said they went to a couple of therapists. He said some of them weren't so good. Howard asked what he thinks is no good. Fred said there are exercises that you are supposed to follow. He said they just don't work.
Howard asked what Fred was doing wrong. Fred said getting frustrated. He said he didn't have any role models. Howard said he tried to raise him up under his wing. He said he couldn't last too long. He said he passed him of to Gary. He said for a while he was involved in helping him out with things. He said he burned out and he was done. Robin said it was a never ending project.
Howard said Fred was eating fish sticks and didn't even have a bank account. He didn't even know what shrimp were. He said he only knew about hot dogs. Robin said Fred didn't even know about ATMs. She said that he called her one day asking for help with that. Howard said Fred is a lot to handle. He said he loves Fred. He said he likes how sophisticated he is now.
Gary said Fred's memory is better than theirs. He said he was right about that walking off stuff. He told Howard what it said in their logs about when he walked off.
Howard said Fred is like that movie Nell. He said he's like a feral animal. He said he worried about Fred. He said he loves him. Robin said she felt terrible about what had gone on with him and his wife at the time. Howard said he went back to the woods. Robin said no wonder he wanted to disappear. She said they were terrible.
Howard said Fred and Alison are great. He said they have a great daughter who Robin takes to events. Robin said stop it. Howard said it's very hard to compete. He said he has to work on his relationship with Tess. He said he'll take her to some cool shit, not like that boring stuff Robin takes her to. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard said Benjy always wants to get on the air. He said he was wondering who is bigger, Benjy or Jason. He said they went up and asked Jason what his height and weight were and he just answered. He said Gary went to Benjy and asked and Benjy got into a whole thing wondering if he wanted to know how tall he was with his shoes on or off. Gary said Benjy said the weight thing depended on the time of day and other things. Howard said that's why he's not on the air. He said it's a no brainer.
Benjy got on the microphone and tried explaining it. Howard asked how much he weighs. Benjy said right now... Howard said he weighs 193 pounds and he's 6 foot 5. He asked how much Benjy weighs. Benjy said right now... and Howard cut him off. He said get him out. He said he can't take it. He played a song parody about Benjy from Little Mikey. Howard said it's insane to have a conversation with this guy. Robin said then he wonders why they don't. Howard said his therapist tells him that he's in a toxic environment. He said that Benjy is toxic. Gary said they still don't know how old he is exactly. Howard said he thought he was 50. Gary said he denies the date they have. Howard said he's 51 and out looking for a roommate. Fred said Benjy is 5'7'' if he forgot. Benjy said he's not though. Fred said that's what IMDB says. Howard said you can believe them.
Howard said it's time for news now. Fred played her into it with a song parody. Robin asked if that was to the tune of the Dave Clark 5. Howard said it was. Howard said that was the Dave Clark 5 Inches.
Robin started her news talking about an ad she saw asking if you had illegal butt injections. Robin said she saw that and thought ''Wow!'' She said they have a number that's 1-888-BUTT-FIX. Howard said he's not sure what's going to happen to the newspapers. He said that they take any ads like that.
Robin said Howard has had the experience of passing gas in public. Howard said he has there. Robin said lets say he's in public and not in a place he has recognition. Robin said he's standing in a line when it happens. Howard said he doesn't do that. He said he doesn't stand in a line. Robin said it slips out and you think you can do it silently. Robin said then it's a loud noise. Howard said that's hell. Robin said the person standing next to you objects. She asked how you react. Howard said you don't admit you did it. He said you just deny it like Trump. He said they ask Trump if he's using tear gas at the border and he says it's very mild tear gas. He said then he just says it's not true when they say there is no such thing. Robin said this guy is going to make him own up to the behavior. Howard said he would deny it. He said he'd never admit it. Robin said this woman in Florida had farted and this man behind her got upset. The woman pulled out a knife from her purse and opened it and held back her arm like she was going to stab him. Robin said maybe an apology would be in order. Howard said that must have been some fart. Robin said the cops had to chase her down after that.
Robin read a story about El Chapo who is in court. Robin said they say he had houses on every coast and 4 wives and 4 planes. He had his own zoo too. Robin said he used to ride around on a little train at his zoo too. She said when things get hot the wives may bail on you. She said she's not sure where they all are. Howard said he's not sure how these guys never play it low key. He said as soon as you show your wealth then it's the end. He said it's the same as Scarface. Robin said they have all of this money and they can't spend it.
Robin read a story about a couple in the Bahamas at one of the Sandals resorts. Robin said they had about 70 people show up. Robin said they were given a personal valet to make it very special. Howard said he had that. He said he didn't even know what to do with the guy. Howard said he didn't want the guy unpacking his stuff. Robin said they'll do all of that. Robin said she had him do some things when she had one. She said she got used to it and she called asking for something and he said he doesn't do that. Howard asked if she was asking him to wipe her ass.
Howard said the first time he went away with Beth they had a butler. He said that it turns out it was a woman. He said this woman shows up and says she's only there for a day and another woman will be there the next day. He said she told him it was a Fit model. He said he didn't know what that meant. He said Beth was freaking out about that. He said the Fit model showed up and she was pretty hot. He said she'd show up whenever you needed her. He said it was just a model who they fit clothes to. He said it's not like she was some special model. Howard said she wasn't like Heidi Klum.
Robin said this couple was traumatized because the guy was taking a shower and the wife hadn't gotten up yet. Then this Butler was in bed with her with his hand down her pants. Robin said this woman woke up and that's where his hands were. She said the woman screamed and jumped out of bed and the husband ran after the butler. Robin said they said they were going to fire the guy so they'd never have to see him again. Robin said they had their wedding and the next morning the same butler called asking what they wanted for breakfast. Howard asked if they got breakfast. Robin said she's not sure. She said that they are suing the resort now. Howard said they say that they are suing for 30 million.
Howard took a call from Robin's former butler. One of the guys in the office was doing an impression with his voice altered. He was talking about the stuff he had to do for Robin. He said he had to hose off her doodies. He said those were his duties. He said Robin was so cheap that she tipped with copies of her old book ''Quivers A Life.'' Howard said he doesn't believe that.
Robin read a story about Bruce Springsteen opening up in a new book. Robin said he had a breakdown in his 30s. Robin said he told Esquire magazine about what caused that. Robin said he's very in touch with himself. Howard said Robin has to see that show he does. He said he had a lot going on in his life. He said that you can end up having a nervous breakdown later in life if you don't deal with stuff from your childhood. Robin said he talks about how he had to combat some of that stuff. Robin said he says he felt like a very empty vessel when he was in his teens. Robin had some clips of songs from his album ''Nebraska.'' Fred threw in Tan Mom saying Jiminy Cricket over that. Robin said the Broadway show is coming to Netflix and you do have to check it out.
Robin read a story about the creator of SpongeBob Squarepants, Stephen Hillenburg, dying at the age of 57. She played the theme song from the cartoon. Howard said he has a headache but it sounds like that guy was very creative. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression playing the Springsteen song that they put his ''Take Me Back'' tape to (Booey Maguire). Sour was doing the whole tape. Howard said that is awesome. He said he could listen to that even longer but he hung up on the guy.
Robin said that Golf TV has made a deal with Tiger Woods and they're going to be showing him in a way no one has ever seen him. Howard said Gary has been raving about the Monica Lewinsky special that's been on. Howard said he was in there talking about the 7 episodes. Howard said it can't just be about Monica. Gary said it's mostly about her but they have the Whitewater tapes and other things too. Howard said they have a lot of stuff in the special. Gary said she was really in love and the FBI threatened to arrest her and her mother if she didn't talk and she didn't want to turn on him. She felt like she was going to ruin the country if she turned on him. Robin said that's a lot of weight to have on you at 21. Howard asked how she is today. Gary said she has slimmed down and she comes across as genuine. He said she's just telling you what happened and her memory of it. Howard said she probably had a really shitty time of it. He said she just blew the guy. He said so what. Howard asked if she's married now. Robin said no. Gary said she lived at the Watergate Hotel and the paper came out one day and all she saw was her name at the top of every paper that was at every door in the hotel.
Howard said he's not sure when he's going to watch that. He said he's busy with Titans right now. He said that's about Robin of Batman and Robin. He said he's not sure where it came from. He said it just comes to his house. He said he loves it.
Robin said YouTube is going to start doing original programming. She said they're going to go to an ad supported strategy. Robin said that they have had it only available to subscribers until now. Robin said that's going to become free.
Howard asked Gary if they have zombies in the Monica Lewinsky special. Gary said Brett Kavanaugh is in it but no zombies.
Robin read a story about how Trump is thinking about a nationally funded network to rival CNN. Robin said that Trump is thinking about doing that to challenge CNN to change the global narrative. Robin said the president is proposing a new global network that the government would fund. Howard said that's kind of like The Voice of America. Robin said she was going to say that's like PBS.
Robin read a story about Mary Hyde Clark thanking Mississippi for electing her back to the senate. Robin had some audio of her making a speech. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the murder of that Saudi journalist. Robin said they're wondering what's going to happen. Robin said that John Bolton says he has never listened to or viewed the tape of Jamal Khashoggi's death. Robin said he says he's not sure what he'd hear if he doesn't speak Arabic. Robin said he could have an interpreter. Robin said she's not sure why he's not going to listen to that.
Robin read a story about the President dealing with the border crisis. Robin wondered if people can put themselves in other people's shoes. She wondered if Trump can imagine being stuck in another country and having drug dealers holding them back. Robin said what he's saying now is he may close the border permanently to keep people from crossing over. Robin said in Arizona they're saying if he did that it would have an enormous economic impact on the country. Robin had some audio to play of someone talking about that.
Robin said Sarah Sanders was speaking to the press about the climate change report that came out recently. She said the report is not based on facts but modeling. She said they would like to see a more fact based study. Robin said that Trump said he does not believe in this climate change study. Howard said come on. He said things are changing.
Howard said that Sal is into Sarah Sanders. He said he would bang her so hard and fast. Robin asked if he really said that. Howard said he really did. He told Sal not to leave him hanging. He said that's a guy who doesn't get laid. Sal said she looks like someone who would love to get pounded. Howard asked if he pounds anyone that hard. Sal said not really. Fred said ''Richard.'' Howard asked Sal if he would like to pee on her or something. Sal said he'd like to do her from behind and get real dirty with her. He said she looks like she'd love it. Sal said he knows these women. He said she wants to be dominated.
Robin read a story about Ivanka Trump defending herself over using a personal email address to send out work emails at the White House. Robin had some audio of her explaining what she did compared to what Hillary Clinton did.
Robin read a story about blueberries and what's going on with the crops here. Robin said we're not making enough here. Robin said that they're producing much less this year. Howard did an impression of his dad talking about blueberries. Robin said they're blaming the weather in May for the crops not growing as much as usual. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about Christmas trees and how there's a shortage this year. Robin said that prices are going to be up this year because of a lack of planting about 20 years ago. Robin said we have fewer this year than normal.
Robin read a story about the tree lighting that's happening tonight there in the city. Howard said they better leave now. He said Rockefeller Center will be a nightmare even around this time. Robin said that Diana Ross will be there. She said that she may have to go see her. She said she's like 76 years old now.
Robin read a story about 3 service men dying over in Afghanistan. Robin said that Melania Trump was offering her condolences. She had some audio of her doing that.
Robin read a story about Julie Chen Moonves will be back as the host of Big Brother Celebrity Edition. Robin had some audio of Julie signing off with ''Julie Chen Moonves'' last season. Robin said they just announced she will be hosting this season. Robin said she would have to ask how clearing her husband's name is going. Howard said very well. He said it should be any day now. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Today's show was over around 11:15am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.