Howard started the show talking about how he's so happy to be with you. He said he had a horrible weekend. Robin asked what happened. Howard said he was blaming Robin for his horrible weekend. He said she had nothing to do with it but he had to blame someone. He said he was going to call and complain but he wondered what he was doing. He said he was so sick. He said if you don't want shingles which is very painful they have a shingles vaccine. He said it's from a company called Shing-rex. He said the old vaccine was like 50 percent effective and now it's 90. He said if you've had chicken pox you can get shingles. Robin asked if you were born after the chicken pox vaccine then can you get shingles. Howard said once that virus is in you then it lays dormant. He said he's not sure what the answer is.
Howard said he had the original vaccine and when he heard there was a new one by Dr. Agus, then he went to get the new one. He said he did it 6 months ago. He said you wait 6 months and then take the second one. He said he was sick the first time and he said he was not going to get the second one. He said he had of figure out how to do it without worrying about work. He said the first day he thought his legs were going to fall out from under him. He said with these vaccines they're like iPhones. He said they have new versions that he needs. He said he knew his 6 months had passed. He said this vaccine is so effective that you can't even get it. He said there's a shortage.
Howard said he got the shot on Friday. He said he went to a wedding and he hoped it didn't hit him. He said he went to dinner after. He said he didn't go to the reception. Robin asked if he's too famous. Howard said he's too famous.
Howard said he had a fever on Saturday and slept the whole day. He said his friend said to him that the cure is almost as bad as the disease. Howard said you speak to anyone who has the shingles you want to be sick for just a day. Robin asked why every vaccine reaction is like the flu. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he had such a fever going. He said they were supposed to go to dinner and Beth got bummed when he said he can't go. He said that they had a pizza instead. He said that he wasn't able to go out. He said Beth had shingles and she knows how bad it can be.
Robin asked if any of this was psychological. Howard said no way. He said Beth thought it was. He said Dr. Agus said that's a reaction you can have from it. He said Dr. Agus had the same reaction.
Robin asked why she's never been told to have the vaccine. Howard said she should get on that. Howard asked Fred if he's had the vaccine. Fred said he had the older one. Robin said she's never had any of them. Howard said get out and get it done. Robin said she can take the new one. Howard said yes. He said knowing her it won't even bother her. Robin said she once had a reaction to the flu vaccine.
Howard said this is a good time to remind people who don't get their kids vaccinated that he wants to say fuck you. He said you have to do it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's in med school right now and they say that kids who get the vaccine can get chicken pox. He said they can still get shingles later in life. Howard said he almost didn't get the shot but then you get shingles and you're fucked. He said just get it. Robin said it sounds like she should. She said she had the pneumonia vaccine. Howard said he still feels wobbly from it. He said that he was taking Tylenol and Motrin every 4 hours. He said he slept the whole weekend. Robin said she was going to call on Saturday but it's good she didn't. Howard said he'd take it out on her.
Howard said the guys asked if he heard the news when he walked in this morning. He said he asked if it was the shooting or other bad news. Howard said the guys said that Norm Macdonald is upset with him over something he said the other day. He said it seems that he's upset with him for something he said when Sarah Silverman was in there. He said he loves Norm and he has him on all the time. He said he'd have him in every day if he wanted to come in.
Howard said he was talking to Sarah about people who haven't written new jokes since 1980. He said that he said something where he got cut off and he said something about ''normally'' but he got cut off and Norm thought he was saying ''Norm'' instead of normally. Howard played the clip that he was talking about where he got cut off and he said ''norm.''
Howard said Norm Macdonald thought he was talking about him. He said he wasn't talking about Norm at all. He just got cut off by Sarah. Howard said it had nothing to do with Norm Macdonald. Howard read what Norm wrote on Twitter about what he heard. Howard said he thinks someone told him about what happened.
Howard said everything is just weird in their world. He said he thinks it's social media. Robin said she thinks it is. She said we're not capable of using social media. Howard said he's capable of using it correctly but not everyone is. He said there's a special Twitter called Gab where you can go on and say stuff. Robin said if Twitter throws you out then you should be put in a hospital at least for an evaluation. Howard said if you can't exist on Twitter... He asked if any of the staff is on Gab then they should be fired. Howard said nut jobs can get together there. Robin said before the internet you had to learn how to make a bomb from a book in a library.
Howard said on the internet you can find people who hate Jews and blacks much easier now. He said that maybe you can meet a girl. Robin said even that police officer accused of cannibalism found a group on the internet. Howard said that now it's normalized when you find someone else who is into something like that.
Howard said climate change is going to kill all of them. He said he can see it. Howard said you used to have to be able to understand things to make them take off. He said with social media they can spread the story about Obama's birth certificate. Robin said now they have the flat earth society having meetings around the world. Robin said that's because of social media.
Howard said Charles Manson had to work hard to recruit his people. He said now you can find people on the internet. Robin said what he did was like those ponzi schemes. She said you had one and then you had them recruit for you. Then it grows.
Howard said he won't play a lot of this but he's playing some. He said this stuff would not be tolerated in the regular world. He said he's walking around somewhere doing this.
Howard said you have to know that his dog's name is Chicken. Howard played the clip and Benjy was walking and talking about his dog and how people compliment him on his dog being cute and he thanks them but he's not sure why he thanks them.
Howard said if Benjy had his way with this show that's what it would sound like. Howard said he describes going to talk therapy too. He asked what he's in. He said he loves talk therapy. Howard said that's what therapy is. He said he sure takes the long way around a story. Howard said imagine he's in therapy and he says that he has a question and he's confused. Then he asks about why he thanks people for saying he has a cute dog. Howard said his therapist would ask him why he's wasting his time with that.
Howard said people started saying he's boring and Benjy responded. Howard played that part of it and Benjy said that he's not bored. Howard said that's how Benjy changed it up. Benjy said that he wants to say fuck you to those people. Howard asked who is watching this. Benjy was saying that he doesn't believe that they're bored.
Howard said if you have a concept like that and you're a writer on the Howard Stern show then bring it in there. He said he's glad he didn't but maybe that's how you do things. Howard said he would have thrown that right out if he did bring it in. Howard said that everyone is broadcasting.
Howard said he has a phony phone call to play. He said he was reading all of the words that Memet has banned on Twitter. Howard said if you put these words in then they get blocked. Howard said they called into this internet radio show and told him they were going to syndicate his show. He said the guy got all excited about it. Howard played the call and the guys called this guy and said that he'd be subject to FCC rules if they syndicate him and he can't say certain curse words. He said he had Howard Norris reading the words that he can no longer say. They had Howard saying that he can't use these words. Then they had him reading Memet's banned words. They'd have the guy read back the words and then tell him he had them wrong and they'd read the list again to him. The guy eventually hung up on them.
Howard played the clip of Chris Mad Dog Russo talking about the 5 hour game and what a disgrace it was. He said that it's bad enough that they're on TBS and FS-1. He was getting upset about how ridiculous things are with baseball now. He said they're garbage channels anyway.
Howard said he hasn't been that angry since they made Bachelor Nation 3 hours long. Robin said this game was 7 hours and 20 minutes. Robin said that was a different game he was talking about. Gary said that it was Friday night and it ended at 3 in the morning. Howard played more of Russo screaming about this game. Howard said Jon Hein lasted until 1 in the morning. He said he's not sure anyone made it to 3.
Howard played more of Russo's screaming. Howard wondered if he is that upset about the anti-Semitism in this world. Howard played more of him screaming and laughed as he was going on and on about this game.
Howard said that's the kind of entertainment you get. Robin said his head should have exploded over the weekend. Howard said listen to him today and he'll be on fire. Howard said he's going to take a break now. He said George Takei will be in later. He played another one of his announcements before they went to break.
Howard said that Netflix has to listen to him. He said that Daredevil is a super hero. He said in this TV show he's completely lame. He said he gets beaten up by a miliary guy. He said you can't have it both ways. He said there has to be something more diabolical going on. He said he doesn't have his costume in this season. Robin said she was talking to Ralph about it and said she was so sick of seeing him get his ass kicked. Howard said they need him on board to help them out. He said he can do amazing things. He said one guy can't beat the shit out of Daredevil. He said he's pretty sure he could beat him up.
Howard said Daredevil is a blind kid who develops super powers and he's a super hero. He said he's not sure why he has to tell Netflix how to make a super hero show. Robin said in the past seasons he's always injured. Howard said he can't get through a fight. Pocket said the opening is exactly like the Westworld opening. Howard said he has to go. He said he loves these super hero programs and he keeps watching them. He said Apple wrote him a note saying that his iPad viewing is up 130 percent from the week before and he's in big trouble. He said Netflix canceled Luke Cage. He said it was horrible but it could have been great. Robin said she can't believe that. Howard said you have to see them beat up people once in a while. Howard said just read the comic book and do that. Robin said she was enjoying Luke Cage. Howard said it wasn't that good.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he agrees with Howard on pretty much everything but not on gun control. He asked how he can say gun control wouldn't have helped in the Pittsburgh thing. Howard said what happened there and what's happening around the world is horrible. He said we have these assholes who have become empowered and truth be told he has no answer on gun control. He said he'll talk about it but it's too much for anyone to comprehend. He said he's all for gun control and getting stricter registration. He said that this guy who shot up the temple was not on any watch list. He said he bought all of his guns legally. He said he had an arsenal of guns. He said he had every Glock on the planet and he called them his family.
Howard said it's mind blowing what's going on out there. He said 2 percent of this country are identified as Jews. He said as long as history has been around people have hated the Jews. He said he was born Jewish and you don't get a choice in it. He said that there was this mysticism around it and they think they're all in a club and trying to undermine this country. He said he's not sure where that all comes from. Howard said they think all Jews are rich but growing up he wondered where his money was.
Howard said he was born into this thing and he has always supported Israel no matter what. He said he has never been there but his family has. He said he sends money to it. He said in an emergency he thinks he may have to go there. He said that there are guys like Roger Waters who is against Israel and speaking out against them. Howard said he doesn't worry about this country being stolen from the Indians but he's worried about Israel.
Howard said the Jewish are being killed off. He said that they're being killed off by assimilation. He said non Jews are marrying Jews. He said soon there won't be any on the planet. He said this is all manufactured hate. He said it's all made up. He said that Hitler used it to get people crazy. He said that you go back to Hitler and you wonder what would have happened if they dint' take away the guns from the Jews. He said that they had tons of Polish Jews and if they had guns they would have been able to fight back. Howard said he's so sad that someone in that temple wasn't carrying in Pittsburgh. He said the guy who shot everyone up was so fat faced. He said he would have loved to have seen that guy's head explode like a pumpkin.
The caller asked if that's the answer. Howard said he doesn't have an answer. He said he just knows one thing. He said any Jew out there better support Israel. He said fuck the indigenous people. He said this is now. Robin said even in Canada they fucked them. Howard said if they can take all of the guns away then he's all for it but then he sees what happened in Germany. He said the army came in and followed a mad man.
Robin said the people who want to take guns to do unlawful things don't care about laws. Howard said they will have guns either way. Howard said he doesn't have the answer. He said don't look to him for the answers.
Howard said that there's this caravan making their way here and we used to let people immigrate there. He said the President is saying that they're not going to allow any of them here. Howard said there are mutants out there and reeking havoc out there. Robin asked how all of these sick people are here. Howard said he grew up around this kind of shit. He said that you have to fight back or you'll get your ass kicked. Robin said if you look around the world this is the greatest place to be. Robin said Howard was born Jew but also born in America. Howard said that maybe they have answers on other shows. He said he doesn't have the answers. Howard told the caller to go figure it out and call him with the right answer.
Howard said he got into a fight as a kid. He said he was out with a friend from High School recently and he asked about this fight. He said he was at some Jewish Defense League meeting and this guy pulled out a gun and said that they had to go defend some temple. He said that someone had been attacking a temple. He said he's not sure if the JDL sill exists. Robin said it does. Howard said this guy was there to stop any of this horse shit that was going on. He said they were going to take this guy out and his whole family too. Howard said he was shitting his pants when this was going on. He said he thought they were going to have cookies and he's out there with a baseball bat. Howard said he and his friend ran away. He said he didn't want to be involved in something illegal. He said these guys kind of had the right idea. Robin said it's not the right idea because when one group does that it escalates. Robin said they attack each other and then there's fighting in the streets.
Howard said he's not sure what happened after they left. He said another guy he knows stayed and things were crazy. Robin said what bothered her was that they were saying 11 Jews were killed. She said 11 people were killed. She said she's not sure what's wrong with people.
Howard said he has to talk about Richard and Halloween. He said he loves Halloween. He said he should take a break first though. Howard said he'll do that. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard said things happen so fast in this country. He said you can't even exploit him in the media because someone shot up a temple. Robin said there are so many people waiting for their time to get into the newspaper. Howard said they said when they went to get the bomber he was at the strip club spinning records. He was the DJ there. Robin said they kept talking about the Autozone. Robin said it's an automotive repair shop or something. Howard said in a way it might be good for them.
Howard said Trump has got to calm down. He said he's tweeting about how the fake news media is the enemy of the people. Robin said that they can't blame them for what individuals do. Howard said when you're president you do have a certain reach. Robin said he stared that whole thing in the campaign. Howard said it has to calm down. He said it's out of control. Robin said it's not stopping. She said no one has been able to calm him down. Howard said he could but he won't talk to him. Robin said they can't blame him for what individuals do. Robin said that's the individual's fault.
Howard said no one wants to lock up the guy who had the journalist killed in Saudi Arabia. He said they want Hillary locked up but not this guy. He said that Hillary is gone. He said she's not running again.
Howard said people want to talk about Memet. He said George Takei is returning today too. Robin said that she has a list of awards that George Takei has been collecting. Robin said he just got an Icon award for the Attitude Awards. Howard said he will never win that one. He said he has a bad attitude. Howard said he got one award. He said he has a few actually. He said Attitude is a British gay magazine. He said when it comes to being gay George is number one.
Howard said Richard ran a 10K race where they were chased by monsters. Howard said he doesn't get it. Robin said she knows people who are into this but they all have a lower IQ than Richard. Howard said they're literally imbeciles.
Howard read about how he took 30 trips to haunted houses while he was down in Orlando. He said that Richard named 9 of the 10 haunted houses as his favorite when he was asked what his favorite was. He said this is insane. Robin said that's the low IQ thing there. Howard said Richard read the Halloween edition of Women's Day by the pool to keep himself in the mood.
Howard said he has tape to play. He said he has to talk about this because it's weird. He said Richard was laying by the pool and reading a Halloween magazine and he was listening to sound effects of scary Halloween stuff while he read the magazine. Howard said this is nuts. He played the audio of the scary sounds that Richard is listening to. Robin asked if he's wearing headphones. Howard said he is.
Howard said they have a Halloween channel there on Sirius and he wondered who was listening to it. Richard came in and said he was listening to it all weekend. Howard said he can kind of get it if you play it on Halloween but this maniac was listening to it all weekend.
Howard played another clip of the lame sounds Richard listens to. Richard said they remind him of going to haunted houses. Howard said that he still doesn't understand the meaning of ''favorite'' because he picked 9 out of the 10 haunted houses as his favorite. Howard asked what was wrong with the 10th one. Richard said it was good but it was based on a movie that he hasn't seen. Richard said they had a Stranger Things haunted house. Howard said he watched that show and he's done with it. He doesn't need a Stranger Things haunted house. Howard asked what happens there when you walk through it. Richard told Howard that his wife loves it too. He said she's perfect.
Howard asked if he was drunk for this. Richard said not at all. Then he said he got buzzed but not drunk. He said he had like 3 or 4 beers. Howard asked what happens in the Stranger Things house. Richard explained what they have up in there from the show.
Howard played more of Richard's scary sounds clips that he listens to by the pool. They were really lame. Howard said this reminds him of what the sounds are in Fred's head. Fred said that's not what he has in his head. Richard said he's been listening to these clips since Labor Day. Howard asked if he has a calendar telling him when he start listening. Richard said he starts around the end of August.
Howard said this song is Season of the Witch Angel and he listens to this too. Howard played the song and Richard was singing along with it. Howard said he's such a strange guy. Robin said the only reason he's not living in a basement is because of Howard. Howard said he's on the spectrum. He said he's an alcoholic and he loves Halloween. Richard said there are a lot of people like him. Howard said this is excessive. Richard said its better than something illegal. Howard said sure, great. Richard said the world is a crazy place. He said he's just trying to get through it. Howard said he's like a 7 year old.
Richard said he won a costume contest on Saturday night. He said he won out of about 15 people. He said he was a Zombie kind of character. Howard said this is the SiriusXM channel. He played some lame clips from that channel.
Howard said he's going to talk to management about getting rid of that channel. He said he wants the decorations gone out in the lobby too. He said it's embarrassing.
Howard said he was so happy that in his building he got rid of the decorations. Then the other day they had snuck in some garbage on the walls. He said he wants to know who made the decision to put those filthy decorations on the wall. He said that Sirius has a lot of money so get the real Elvira and the real Michael Myers and let them sit there in the hall and greet people. He said stop it with the lame decorations. Richard said they're having something here on Wednesday. He said he thinks it's a lunch thing they're having. Howard said hire the real Ted Bundy to sit in the lobby. Robin said he's dead. Howard said dig him up and sit in him the lobby.
Howard took a call from a woman who said it's strange that he's so upset about other people's behavior. Howard said it's not though. He said no one is like this. The caller said there are people who are into this. Howard said go listen to them then. He said get off his channel. He said they don't like Halloween on this channel. He said they're the opposite of the Halloween channel. He said go listen to that channel instead. Richard said it's on channel 145. Howard said go there and don't come back.
Howard took a call from a woman who said Richard is high functioning and he would freak out if he wasn't able to have this stuff. Howard asked if that's true. Richard said yeah, probably. The caller said he really is on the spectrum and he would lose his mind and he'd go into a mental health break if you took it away from him. Richard said he has nightmares about forgetting to celebrate Halloween. Howard said this woman says he's sick and he knew he was right about that. The caller said this is continuing to make him mentally ill. Richard said he doesn't want to be cured.
Howard said Richard wasn't working. Richard said he was a licensed electrician. He said he was working. Howard said he was living in a storage locker. Richard said this was in the 90s in Florida. Howard said there are electricians earning a living. He said he must have been the worst. Richard said he chose to live in the storage unit so he wasn't spending all of his money. Howard said he really is on the spectrum. Richard said he just wanted to be near his drums so he could play. The caller said that's another part of being on the spectrum. She said he's probably high functioning Aspergers. Robin said he has a decent IQ but he doesn't exercise it.
Howard asked if he could take $10,000 to forget about Halloween for the rest of his life. Richard said it would take a million at least. Howard said imagine this guy was living in a storage facility illegally. Richard said he had neighbors there too. He said he wasn't the only one.
Howard said he really is on the spectrum. He said the guy doesn't even brush his teeth. He said he don't take care of his own body. He asked if that's part of that spectrum thing. The caller said that is part of it. She said that it's all part of that. Richard said he's not hearing anything bad about being on the spectrum. The caller said it's not bad but it's about keeping that stuff in check and being able to form relationships with people. Richard said he likes being weird. Howard said he wouldn't have liked still living in a storage unit at his age. Richard said he wasn't a very good electrician. He said his nickname was Flash because a junction box exploded in his face once.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she's sick of these therapists calling people on the spectrum. She said she's on the spectrum too and she has been a good wife. Mariann said that this woman's job is to put labels on people. She said she's sick of it. Howard let Mariann and Rebecca the therapist go after that.
Robin said Richard was never going to take care of himself. He learned to do that there. Howard said they forced him to do that because they couldn't stand the smell. He said he walks out of his way for lunch so he can walk past the Rockefeller Center Pumpkin Patch. Richard said he does. He said that's his favorite.
Howard said that Richard once wanted to get tucked in by elves and they refuse to do it. Richard said they went there and they refused to do it. Richard said they went to Missouri for tat. Howard said they're not real elves. Richard said they weren't even little people. He said they were just college kids who needed money.
Howard said he has to get George Take in there. He said he hasn't seen him in a long time. Howard wondered if Richard is the only one there on the spectrum. Richard said JD might be. Howard said that's true.
Howard said they should send Richard to Syria if he wants to be scared. Richard said he likes being fake scared. He said that they have haunted houses where they almost torture you. He said he won't do that.
Howard said Richard sat next to a kid who had Hand foot and Mouth disease on the plane. Richard said they were freaking out. Robin said it's back and kids are getting it. Howard said he split open his hand making a pumpkin omelet. Richard said he did that on a can. Howard said he has tape on his hand holding it closed. Howard went to break after doing a live commercial read.
Howard came back and said he loves this song. He said he's excited that George Takei is there. He said he's one of his favorite people in the world. George said that it's wonderful to be back. Howard said he is one of the most famous men in the world. He's an icon. George was laughing. Howard asked why he's laughing. George said it's so rococo.
Howard said George is going to do one of his famous announces. He did his thing and George talked about how grateful he is for not being William Shatner. Howard said that was a beautiful read. He said that gets him excited every time he hears that Star Trek music.
Howard said George's play Allegiance is about the Japanese internment camps. He said George wrote this and it's returning to movie theaters on December 11th. George said it will be in 657 theaters around the country. He said they filmed one performance with a full house and another with an empty house. He said they had multiple cameras and a crane like a movie. Howard said that there must be people who want to see this. George said the story is something he wants to raise awareness of. He said that's his mission in life.
Howard said Japanese Americans during world War II were seen as the enemy. He said that George is 80 and they locked up his family in one of these camps. George said two camps. He said they were in Arkansas and then they were moved. He said everything was taken away from them. He said that they didn't get it back. Howard asked who got their house. George said they weren't able to pay their bills and they were financially straight jacketed. He said the house went to the bank. He said immigrants from Asia were denied naturalized citizenship. He said on the West Coast they had an Alien Land Law and they said they were not able to buy land in three states on the west coast. Howard said there's not a lot of attention put on this. George said that his grandfather took wasteland and turned it into farmland. He said this was before the war. He said his grandfather came there in 1899. He said he wasn't able to buy land because he was an Asian immigrant. He said when his uncle was 2 years old he bought a farm in his name. Howard asked if Robin is following this. Robin said she is. Howard said good because he's not.
Howard let George go on. George told Howard about how they were at war with Germany but they didn't lock up the German Americans. He said they knew a German man who they trusted to turn back their farm to them when they returned. He said that man did that.
Howard asked why Germans weren't locked up. George said that it was because they looked different. He said it was a racist thing.
Howard said George has this play and he has all of these projects going on too. He said he's in a documentary and on some TV shows about the interment camps. Howard said that he's producing something about a Scooby Doo writer. George said she reads obituaries and gets inspiration from them. He said she read an obituary about the guy who created Scooby Doo. Howard said he's obsessed with anyone who has anything to do with an internment camp. George said he feels it's his responsibility to make people aware of this. Howard said he's all in on this.
Howard said he is not slowing down at 80. George said he's actually 81. He said last year he was 80. Howard said he hasn't seen him in a long time.
Howard asked if he thinks that Richard is on the spectrum. George said he's just confident in what he does.
Howard said George got caught up in a moment and he thought that they had lost him forever. George said this was about a year ago. He said they were in Tokyo at the time. Howard asked him to say that word again. George said it in the correct way. Howard said he must be driven nuts when people say ''Tok-e-o'' there in the States. Howard said he knew this musical would get him in trouble. George said it has been a wonderful blessing actually.
George said they were in Tokyo at the time and they were having the premiere over there. Howard said his life was good at the time. George said they were very busy. He said the Foreign Minister of Japan was going to introduce the film. He said then the news came out that this man was accusing him of something. He said that he was trying to figure out why anyone would do this to him. Howard said the accusation was that he had drugged this guy. George said that's the farthest thing from what he would do. He said he wasn't able to sleep at night. He said he had to think about what to do the next day and he was going to meet the foreign minister. He said he thought and thought about this guy and what he was talking about. He said he has no idea where he got that. Howard asked if he has ever drugged anyone. George said he can't imagine having sex with someone who is drugged. He said it was just outrageous. George said Brad was there for him. He said he wasn't there at the time of this accusation. He said that everyone who knows him was offended by this accusation. He said there were trolls out there too.
George said this was all going on and he had to respond. He said the other thing he had to deal with was the #MeToo thing coming to a head. He said he respected what was happening with that. He said women were finally being believed. He said he didn't want to prolong this so he didn't want to get into a he said, he said thing. George said he didn't want to muddy the #MeToo movement.
Howard asked if he got a Public Relations person to help him out. George said he spoke to his agent and his P.R. Person there in New york. He said after Tokyo he had a speaking engagement in Australia. He said he had all of these things to think about. He said he was going to make this statement and not say anything after that. He said when he arrived in Australia there were cameras there. He said they talked to the organizer of that event in Melbourne and they had a body guard there. He said he helped them get past the cameras.
Howard said George has never turned down a camera and now he's doing that. George said that's his oxygen. He said it really was torturous. He said he wanted to say that he was innocent. He said that just feeds into it.
Howard asked what happened. George said the second rate media started doing articles and had his name with Harvey Weinstein and Bill O'Reilly. He said they were actively responsible for those accusations and he was being put in the same category.
Howard asked if anyone bailed on him. George said he had 3 speaking engagements in America and 1 in Canada. He said 3 of them canceled. He said the one in Calgary was a major fund raiser for a library that was going to build an extension and they had contracted for this venue. Howard asked if he was crushed. George said they wanted to cancel and he had his agents tell them that this is untrue and he would try to address that when he talks there. He said they let him do that because they were already committed to that venue. Howard asked how strange it was to talk about that stuff. George said he wasn't sure how to prove that something like that didn't happen. He said he told the people there that he wanted to address that and he told them what he told Howard just now. He said many people had their arms crossed. He said when he ended his talk he got a standing ovation so he was affected deeply.
Howard asked if any of his friends bailed on him. George said his good friends were there for him. He said that Nichelle Nichols was there for him. He said she knew it was not true. Howard asked if Shatner was there for him. George just laughed. He said that he's been very consistent. Howard said you'd think he'd want to bury the hatchet with that. George said that would have been nice but that was not to be.
Howard said he wasn't even sure how he was feeling about him. He said he put out some statement about him. George said he was just on the show a month before talking about Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein. He said he said something about Kevin Spacey and other things. George said that he said he may have had to nudge people into having sex and they took that as his aggression. Howard said he put out a statement about how he plays a naughty gay grandpa on the Howard Stern show. Howard said he figured that he was never going to see him again after that.
Howard asked if he felt like he was being set up for some lawsuit. George said there was no evidence. He said the second rate media took an allegation as fact and ran with it. He said investigative journalism isn't investigative.
Howard asked how he was cleared. George said there was a journalist who helped him. He said that this guy did the vetting. Robin asked how you tell the difference. George said that second rate journalists just take a statement as fact instead of investigating it. George said they ask how true something is. Howard said they can ruin lives if they don't investigate it. George said they had the guy describe the ''drugging'' and they went to toxicologists and asked about the drug and they said drugs that powerful at that time would have no memory of what happened and he wouldn't have been able to drive home. He said then the guy started changing his story. Howard said the guy never retracted the story though. George said the story just kept changing and he was making things up as he went along. George said the journalist posted a story about how the guy's story kept changing. He said that was more to tell the press to investigate the #MeToo allegations that were coming.
George said the biggest disappointment to him was a Japanese American social justice organization he has worked with ended up taking a film that he had narrated down because of these allegations. He said that they were incarcerated with no due process sand this was the same thing happening. He said they told him that if they hadn't heard from him by 12 o'clock then they were taking it down. He said that he immediately called the number and said he wanted to talk to this guy he had to talk to. George said he was livid. He said this was happening while he was in Australia. He said he caught this guy and told him that he's acting on an allegation and the guy started to stutter. He said that he would take care of it. He said he knew he was making sense. Howard asked if he did what he said he was going to do. George said he took that to mean that he wasn't going to take the video off. He said later that day they had taken the video off. He said he was livid.
Howard asked if he thought about Judge Kavanaugh being accused after going through that. George said he believed Dr. Ford. He said that she was very credible. He said that Kavanaugh was full of attitude and very angry. He said when the senator was asking him if he's ever been so drunk he's blacked out. He responded with ''Have you?'' He asked who would ask that in the way he asked it.
Howard said he thinks President Trump sent something about him. George said it was his son. He said he honest even remember what it was. He said he doesn't pay attention to him. He said he's just one of his trolls. Howard asked if he read it at the time. George said he tries to forget as much as he can. Howard said he's not sure what he said. He said maybe he said go suck Brad's balls. George said guess what he was doing at the time. He said Brad has been so important to him while all of this was going on. He said he had that rock solid support and love and strength. He said he's really blessed to have found a person like that. He said it's been 32 years now.
George said that he and Brad appreciate their marriage so much. He said they had to fight for it. Howard said this is why he loves gay marriage. He said everyone deserves that right to have that person recognized. Howard said you only wish that everyone could have someone that rock solid in their corner. George said they saw a play last night called Daniel's Husband. Howard said George sees every play. George said this really underscores the whole marriage thing. George told Howard about the play and what it was about.
Howard said he appreciates Brad more than ever now. George said he really does. Howard asked if he would ever come on the show and tell Bread to lose weight again. George laughed. Howard said he thinks that this has made him realize who Brad is in his life. He said he's non-running, overweight Brad is great for him. George said he has that memory of Brad being that runner from back then in his mind.
Howard asked George about being in the midst of this if their sex life was changed. George said that everything was horrific and your world is coming down. Howard said he must have stopped sex for a while. George said it was one horror day after another. He said there was no masturbation or sex. Howard said he would think that would be a release. George said he didn't think it would be reduced to this. He said they hugged and cuddled for support. He said there was no sex. Howard said he thinks that would stop him from masturbating too. George said his whole world was crumbling.
Howard asked how long it was before they got back to it. George said he's not sure but things were just horrific. He said this Japanese American organization turned on him. He said they don't know what they're talking about. He said that when it comes to push comes to shove they weren't there.
Howard asked if he went to speak to anyone when he got back to the states. George said there is a man named Howard Bragman who is a public relations strategist and he went to him. Howard said he would want to go to a gay therapist if he was gay. He said he does watch The bachelor and dancing with the Stars so he's a little gay. He said he didn't even know there was a World Series.
Howard said George spoke to this guy Howard Bragman. George said he spoke to the guy who wrote the music for Allegiance too. He said that he gave him a lot of help too. He said the producer of Allegiance was also there for him.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone named Jesse who is a superfan of Allegiance. Howard took the call and the guys in the back were doing the voice for the fake call. Jesse asked for them to have an Allegiance cruise and things like that.
Howard took a call from a guy whose connection was awful. Howard said he can't hear him. the caller said that George is being a hypocrite. The caller said that he said that Dr. Ford was believable but they were just allegations. He said the problem with this interview is that he had to listen to it and be disgusted by it. George said it all depends on where you're coming from.
Howard took a call from Balls who said it's great to hear George back on the show. Howard said it really is great to have him back. George said it's good to be back. Howard said look how youthful he looks at 81. He said he wishes he had the energy he has. Howard asked if he has had the shingles vaccine. George said he doesn't know what that is. Howard said it's nasty. George said he tries to be healthy. Howard said he does too. Howard said shingles are supposed to be real painful. Robin said it's very painful to adults. George said he's never had that. Howard said he got the vaccine.
Balls asked George if he has ever had a time when Brad has been working out and he's blown him or does he make him shower. Howard said he's asking if he would blow him after a run or something before a shower. George said that they always take a shower before. He said it's part of the ritual. Howard said he was thinking about how similar vagina and penis can be. George said yes... but he doesn't really know about vagina. Howard said George has been with a woman before. George said he has. He said he was able to get an erection and cum from it. George said so much of sex is in the mind. Howard asked if he as nauseous. George said he liked her very much but all of that flesh... He laughed. George said that he loved that woman as a dear friend. He said that she had nice curves.
Howard said he thinks it was a black woman he was with. George said she was. He said her name was Josie. He said she has passed. He said that he kept in touch but things became more infrequent. Howard said he's surprised he was able to cum. George said a lot of gay men were closeted and they got married and had kids so they were able to cum. Howard said that you have to be out in the open and just be happy. He said you can be bisexual and not even know it.
Howard said Josie from Heaven is calling in. He took a call from her and they had a woman doing the voice in the back office. They had her doing a stereotypical black woman voice. Howard let her talk to George for a minute. She said he ate her pussy like sushi. Howard asked if he went down on her. George said he did not. Josie said that he went down on her and ate her ass.
Howard said he's sorry that she died. Howard asked if he just did her that one time. George said it was more than once. Josie said that he nicknamed her pussy Tokyo. George said it was more like Hiroshima. Howard thanked Josie for calling in and let her go. Josie said that he tore her ass the fuck out. She said that he had a nice, big, thick penis. Howard said so many Japanese American's have been accuse of having a small penis. Josie said not him. She said she'd crack his ass open like a fortune cookie. She said his cum tastes like soy sauce. She said she has allegiance to that dick. She said she's going to go blow Leonard Nimoy now. She said Shatner is on his way soon too. She said she's going to play with Scotty's balls too. Howard said she's going through a lot of the Star Trek guys.
George said that Josie
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he's so happy that he's on the show talking about this. He said that they tried to contact him for a statement and they didn't get him and they ran the story anyway. He said he hopes that this shows that you can't report on stories like this. Howard said Ralph loves George very much. George said he loves Ralph too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's so happy to hear him back on the radio. He said he was just saying on Friday that he misses him. He said its' so great to have him back. Howard said it is great to have him back.
Howard gave George another plug for his movie Allegiance and a documentary about the play is coming out in December too. Howard said go to PhathomEvents.com for tickets.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she went to see his movie a few years back and she met them once too. Howard said that he's not sure what movie is what. Mariann said it was a movie about George's family.
Mariann asked him to say Guacamole for her. She also asked to hear Mozzarella. George did that for her. Howard said as long as she's on he wants to take a call from a guy who thinks Mariann is trying to get Benjy fired. Howard took the call and Mariann said that Benjy is doing it all himself.
Howard said this is some jam packed hour. George said it really is. He said an hour there is always jam packed. Howard asked if he can sit in during the news. George said he's able to stay there. Howard said that would be great. He said he'd love to hear his take on the news.
Howard asked if George is out of things to talk to Brad about. George said they still have things to talk about. He said they talked about the play they went to see last night at breakfast this morning.
Howard asked if he could identify Brad's cock in a line up. George said he's sure he would not participate but he would be able to. Howard said he doesn't know that Brad has committed to that. George said he knows for sure that he has not. He said Howard doesn't know Brad like he knows Brad.
Howard said that they did not stop playing clips of George while he wasn't there. He had Fred play a few clips. Howard said they're going to take a break and then do the news. He said he'll have George do an announce as they go to break. They played a clip of George talking about the speed of sperm leaving the body at 28 miles per hour. They went to break after that.
Howard said it's great to have him back on the show. George said it's great to be there. Howard said he is amazed that he's 81 years old. He said he looks so good. Howard asked what they need to do. George said he walks a lot. He said he keeps his mind going. He said he does 100 push ups and 50 sit ups every day too. He said his stomach is popping out and he has belly fat. He said that's part of aging. He said there's nothing you can do about it. Howard said it's great that he still cares. Howard said he's 81 and still cares about the fat on his stomach.
Howard said there is so much to talk about. He said they have so many things in the news. He said tomorrow is a very special show. Howard said Ronnie the Limo Driver has turned 69 years old. George said that's before 70. Howard said 69 is a term for when two guys are blowing each other at the same time. He said tomorrow is the big Ronnie roast. George said he still considers 69 a youngster.
Howard asked if he thinks about his age and if he wonders how much longer he has. George said his grandmother lasted until 104 and he'd like to beat her. Howard asked if it's scary to think that maybe he only has 20 more years. George said every day is a gift. He said it's a precious thing. He said you wake up in the morning and realize what a gift it is. He said that he's sure they'll all agree that after Brad goes it goes to the Japanese American Museum. He said that's where his money is going.
Howard asked if they're going to be buried. George said they are going to be cremated. He said that they aren't sure what they'll do with their ashes. Howard said he'll keep them there if he wants. Robin said when they went to scatter Brad's mom's ashes they got all over the two of them. George said they were spreading them in a canyon and they had them all over them when they were driving back. He said he told Brad his mother was still with them but in an hour she was going to be in the laundry.
Howard asked if he has any plans for their funerals. George said they have someone to do a traditional Buddhist funeral. He said they have a minister who will officiate and they do the chanting and all of that. Howard said he thought it would be a 21 cum salute. Howard said he has it all figured out. George said he'd like some of his ashes to be scattered but they have a crypt that they bought and they want to be there. He said they have the crypt right across from his parents.
Howard said that's fascinating. He said George will probably die before Brad because he's older. Howard said you never know though. George said that life is strange. Howard said if Brad does go before him then will he date. George said he is married to Brad and he's still going to be with him when he's gone. He said that he probably will have a good looking care giver. Howard said he'll have a man servant to take care of him. Howard said if Brad is gone and he has a young ward there then he may have something with that man. He said he might have to bathe him and put him in bed at night and maybe lay next to him. George said who knows. He said the surprises in life are wonderful. Howard said maybe he'd like a young George Clooney or something. George said he used to like blondes but now he's into dark hair. He said he likes Latino men too. Howard said maybe an Antonio Banderas. George maybe more like a younger version of Ricardo Montalban. Howard said a young Hispanic male like Ricardo. Howard said maybe someone like Ricky Martin. George said that someone younger than him.
Howard asked how many awards he has won. George said you reach a certain point in life and you receive awards to support a fund raiser. He said that's what he has gotten awards for. Howard asked if he has an awards area in his house. George said he has a wall full of those things. He said Brad likes to keep the house clean. He said he gets the feather duster and dusts. He said they have a house keeper but Brad insists on taking care of that too.
Howard asked how many awards he has. George said he doesn't know. He said maybe 30-40 here in New York and more in Los Angeles. Howard said he pictures Brad in a French maid outfit and nothing more.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who did the voice of a guy who wanted to be George's ward if Brad passes. He said he looks like a young Ricardo Montalban. Howard spent a minute talking to that guy with George. Howard said he became Dracula about halfway through that bit.
George told Howard about a guy who he liked in school as a kid. Howard spent a minute talking to him about that and then brought up the awards that George has hanging on his wall. He said that's what Brad is busy dusting at home.
Howard said the Ronnie Roast is coming up tomorrow. He said that's what he wanted to mention. He said that they have the roasters Jim Breuer, Lisa Lampanelli, Shuli Egar, Nikki Glaser and Sal Governale. He said Lisa is going to make a shocking revelation tomorrow on the show. Howard played a song parody about Ronnie turning 69.
Howard said he's surprised that there is no Star Trek play. George said there has been talk of doing one but that's all it's been so far.
Robin had some audio of George accepting his award from Attitude magazine. George said that Whoopi Goldberg is the one who gave him the award. Howard said now he's talking. Howard said that's great she was there. George said she introduced him and gave him his award. Howard said his speech is 10 minutes long. He said they pulled 37 seconds of it and it felt like 10 minutes. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read a story about a couple that found a hidden camera aimed at their bed on a Carnival cruise. Robin read about what they found in the room and how it wasn't connected to electricity. Howard said he'd freak out if that happened to him.
Howard said he's so out of shape. Howard asked if George does his 100 push ups in a row. George said of course. He said if you're not then you're not doing 100. Howard said there must be something wrong with him. He said he used to do pull ups and push ups but the next day his head would hurt. He said he's very delicate. George said everyone is different. He said there is a fragility about slim, tall people.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his brother just came out of the closet and he's in high school. He said he's just wondering if he should encourage him to pursue other guys or should he worry about it. George said he shouldn't discourage him. He said that he grew up in a different time. He said that the double dated with guys he had crushes with. George said there were athletes he had crushes on who weren't gay. He said to be near the guy he had a crush on was what he wanted. He said he was buddies with them instead. Robin said that she's not sure what to tell that caller. She mentioned Aaron Hernandez and how he had a relationship with a high school quarterback. Robin said you don't know if a girl is going to be into you until you approach them. Robin said it's the same for this kid.
Howard asked if George watches porn. George said he does abut Brad doesn't know. He said he'll do it when he's engaged in something else. He said he's sure that Brad is busy before he'll go do that. George said he's sure he'd be upset. He said he doesn't believe in that stuff. He said he's into fidelity. Howard asked if he has to sneak around. George said yes. Howard asked what his thing is. He asked where he goes to watch stuff. George said he has people send him stuff. Howard said you can get free porn on YouPorn. He said just put in Homosexual and you'll see tons of gay stuff. George said this is why he comes to visit him. Howard said he has to stop watching on DVD. George said he's glad that Brad doesn't listen to the show anymore when he's on. Howard said he still has to hide masturbating at the age of 81. He said that's sad.
Howard said George is still watching porn on a DVD. Fred had a clip of George saying he jacks off without Brad knowing. Howard said you just type in YouPorn and go to town. George said he'll send Brad out on an errand. Howard said he hopes he doesn't check his history. George said they don't check on each other like that. Howard said he's afraid he'll never see him again now that he's told him about YouPorn. Howard said here are over 72,000 videos tagged ''gay'' on YouPorn. Gary went through a list of the gay stuff and it was a very long list. Howard was looking at some of that stuff and told George to just wait until he sees it. He said it's a whole new world.
Howard said George is going to cancel on going to the Allegiance premiere. He'll be busy watching YouPorn. He said he'll be busy until February.
George asked if they're done with the news. Robin said not at all. Howard said just wait until he tunes into YouPorn. George said he'll be prepared for next time.
Robin read a story about Megyn Kelly being done with her show. Howard said he told her that she was done. Howard said she had a spot on FOX News and he told her not to leave there. He said he told her not to go to NBC. He said that's a different kind of place. He said he's worked there. He said it's a very corporate environment. He said they do light topics there. He said it's not her forte. He said now they're going to make her look like such a douche bag that she won't be able to find work. Robin said that they said she might wind up back on FOX. Robin said she's not sure what's going on at NBC because there was $69 million let on her contract. Robin had some audio of a news report where they said Megyn won't be returning to her show. Howard said if she had ratings she'd still be there. He said they just wanted her out and this was a good reason to get rid of her. Howard said they wanted the ratings and she didn't bring them in. Robin had more clips for Howard to play. Howard said they were pulling out all of their guns in that clip. Robin said they went on to announce a new beginning on the Today show. Howard said they owe her $69 million but they're going to try to get out of that. Robin said they said they may not be done with her.
Howard said when these networks want you gone they'll get rid of you. He said they're going to do a job on her. He said they're going to try to get out of giving her that $69 million. Robin said they might say she was terminated for cause and that terminates the contract. Howard said he's had companies do that to him. He said they tell him to just sue them and they'll deal with it.
Howard said Ralph is on YouPorn coming up with stuff for George. Ralph said he won't see George for 6 months once he's on YouPorn. Howard said he's shocked that he didn't know about this. Ralph said use keywords. He said put in lengths too. He said if you want to save something just bookmark it and don't subscribe to anything. George said he's getting a lot of homework assignment. He said that he'll have to check it out.
Robin read a story about how ABC has ordered another episode of The Connors. Robin said they lost 1/4 of their viewers in the second episode. Robin said they have asked for that one extra episode though. Howard said even Roseanne is replaceable. George said they're all replaceable. Howard said even Shatner is replaceable. George said he's like a ghost that won't go away. Howard said he's shocked that he didn't call during that rough time. George said he wasn't surprised at all.
Robin said people are now talking about white privilege in this country. Robin said there are white people who are calking the police on black people in their neighborhood. Robin said a woman went on a rant over a black woman who was waiting for AAA when her car broke down. Robin had some audio of the women arguing with each other. Howard said she saw black people somewhere and she went off on them. Robin said the car broke down outside this woman's neighborhood. The white woman claimed she was white and hot and she makes $125,000 a year.
Robin read another story about a man who dressed as a Nazi with his son for a Halloween party. Robin said the guy dressed his son as a Nazi too. George said Prince Harry has a history of dressing like a Nazi as well. Howard said yes he does. Robin said this guy claims his interest was purely historical. Robin said he now says it was a bad decision and bad taste.
Howard said maybe Benjy should confront black people about being white and having white privilege like that woman. He said that he can do that on his live stream. He said nothing happens on that live stream but maybe that would make it more interesting.
Robin read a story about the shooter who killed 11 people in Pittsburgh on Saturday. Robin said he's going to be in court today talking to a judge. Robin said this guy posted some anti-Semitic remarks on a social media site before going on his shooting spree.
Robin read a story about the President seeming to say all the right things after this happened. Robin had some clips of Trump talking about how it was an assault on all of us. Robin said he also said he wanted armed guards at places of worship. Robin said later that day Trump was talking to some people and made a joke. Trump was talking about his hair and how it got messy in the wind and rain and he almost canceled this appearance because of that bad hair day. Howard said he was the real victim that day. He had a bad hair day.
Howard had George Takei on the phone to correct George Takei. The guys were playing clips of George talking about Osama bin Laden and talking about how good looking he is. Howard asked what's going on here. George said that one of the guys, Sal or Richard, is splicing together clips back there. Howard spent a minute talking to clips of George. They had him speaking in Spanish too. George tried talking to himself but the guys just played him laughing.
Robin read a story about Pope Francis condemning the attack in Pittsburgh. Robin said he's praying for God to stop this kind of thing.
Robin read a story about the bomber, Cesar Sayoc, who sent pipe bombs last week will be in court today seeing the judge. Howard said he found that funny that the guy wanted to be a stripper. He said that would be like him being a stripper. He said it's crazy. He said he had that little pony tail too. He said he was all jacked up but look at that puss. George asked who would get aroused by that face. Howard said no one.
Robin read more about the bombings and shootings. Robin said everyone is trying to blame someone for this occurrence in this country. Robin said that in this political environment it's ridiculous to blame people for these individual's actions.
Robin said Hillary Clinton has been out and about and she left the door open for a 2020 run. Robin had some audio of Hillary saying she didn't want to run again but she would like to be president. She said that she thinks when they have a democrat in office there will be so much work to be done. She said we have confused our friends and enemies. She said they have no idea what we're about anymore. Howard said she won by 3 million votes and she isn't president. He said this has to be confused about that.
Robin said that Obama took some swipes at Trump in a speech too. Robin had some audio of Obama talking about all of the indictments that this administration has had so far and how they're not cleaning up anything.
Robin read a story about Demi Lovato having 90 days sober. Robin said this all came up on a podcast with Maria Menounos. Robin said they called it a podcast but it was Maria's show on SiriusXM.
Howard had Fake Hillary Clinton on the phone talking about running again in 2020. The guys were playing clips of the fake Hillary making statements. George said she won the popular vote and that's a good reason to get rid of the Electoral College. Howard spent a little more time talking to fake Hillary before he let her go.
Robin read a story about the movie Halloween being number 1 at the box office again. Robin said this is the second weekend it was number 1. Robin said that the top 3 movies were unchanged. Robin said the other two were Venom and A Star is Born.
Robin read a story about it being national cat day today so give your cats some extra love today.
Robin read about Cardi B going to court today over a fight charge she has from earlier this year. Robin read some details about that. Howard said he celebrates national cat day every day in his house. George said all animals. Howard asked if he's vegetarian. George said he eats fish and fowl. He said he will eat meat if he has no other choice. Howard said it sounds like he eats everything. George said in modesty.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard gave George some plugs for his movies. Howard said send his regards to Brad. George said he will. Howard thanked him for coming back today. George said it was wonderful being back. Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about how he loves being there so much. He said he has a lot to talk about today. He said the Ronnie Roast is happening in honor of his 69th birthday. He said that indicates oral sex going on simultaneously. Robin asked who doesn't know that. Howard said Fred is listening. He said it's when two people are going down on one another and they look like a 6 and a 9.
Howard said Jim Breuer, Shuli Egar, Nikki Glaser, Marfan Mike, Sal Governale and Lisa Lampanelli will be in for that. He said that Ronnie will also respond to the roast. He said that he worked his whole life as a limo driver, a dry cleaner and a truck driver. He said you'd never think he'd be roasted by Jim Breuer, Shuli, Lisa Lampanelli and Nikki Glaser. Howard said Nikki is a fan of the show so she knows his story. He said that Lisa knows the show too and so does Jim.
Howard had a clip of Ike Barinholtz wishing Ronnie a happy birthday. He played that and then took a call from a guy who asked if he's going to be able to take the abuse. Howard said they roasted him years ago an he doesn't understand the concept of sitting on the throne and taking it. He said they have a chair for Ronnie and it's made of all penis dildos. Robin said it looks like the Game of Thrones chair but it's all dildos. Howard said he sat on it and it's kind of comfortable. He said they're all made of foam.
Howard said people would get to a punch line in the past roast and Ronnie would yell out something. He said he had to ask the guys to cut off his microphone so he wouldn't ruin the jokes. He said he ruined some really good jokes that people had crafted. Howard said they have to let the people get their words out. He said he'll argue that something isn't true.
The caller asked if anyone helped Ronnie out with his stuff. Howard said he's not sure. Jason said they didn't help him back there.
Howard said Bobo says he has written 5 jokes for the roast. He said he'll give him an opportunity. Bobo got on and said that he's so short when he's driving it looks like no one is driving. He said when he's driving his car looks like it has tourettes. He had a joke about driving for Kurt Busch and one about Howard getting blue balls from rattling around in the back seat of the car. They just got worse and worse the more he read. Howard played Bobo off with a song parody.
Howard said that he should leave it up to the professionals to write the jokes. Bobo said it was good though. Howard said not really. He said the tourettes joke had a hint of funny there. He said it was the start of something. He gave him an A for effort. Robin said Bobo usually steals things but this time he didn't. Howard said they wouldn't have known.
Howard said Speech Impediment Man has some jokes too. He took his call and Speech Impediment Man was laughing already. Howard said he was just in a comedy contest where he came in 3rd out of 4 people. He let Speech tell his jokes. Speech Impediment Man said that Ronnie's first line of defense is hitting with a colostomy bag. Howard let him keep going. Speech Impediment Man said his hips are so creaky that Richard's gerbils are afraid of him. Speech Impediment Man said his blow up doll ran away from him. Howard said he thought that was kind of funny.
Howard said he wants to make an announcement that this is not the roast. He said they have professionals coming in to do the roast later. He said this is not that. Speech Impediment Man asked if he was better than Bobo. Howard said yes. Speech Impediment Man thanked him for that. Howard said he came in ahead of one guy like in his comedy contest.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie is the dumbest guy in the city. Howard said this guy knows how to write. He said he's obviously a professional. The caller said the guy can't even read and he's so arrogant. The caller said the funniest thing about him is Fred's impression of him.
Howard said that they have a Flat Ronnie with a Dean Cain body. He said he's going to use that when he does the voice. He said it'll be like a puppet show. He had Fred do some of that impression. Howard said Fred will be working that and they'll have some professional roasters in there too.
Howard played a clip of Jimmy Kimmel wishing Ronnie a happy birthday. He said they'll start the roast in the 8 o'clock hour.
Howard said he has some of the themes that people should get to. Robin said she's looking at the Ronnie in the studio and they have a real picture of him there. She said he thought the Dean Cain body was his. Howard said he obviously had to know. Robin said it looks like someone deflated him. Howard said you can make fun of him for so many things. Howard said the Dean Cain thing is one, his sex tips, his dildo action and more. He said they roasted him back in 2006 and a lot has happened since then. He said he's acted and he's been divorced and gotten engaged to a woman half his age. He said he's been pegged and that's where a woman fucked him with a strap on. He said that one of his shocking revelations was catching his parents in a threesome with a friend of the family. Howard played a clip of Ronnie talking about that.
Howard said Ronnie was in the show Cougar Town. He played a clip of Ronnie's acting in that show. He said then he was in demand. He said he lit the acting world on fire. He said he jerked off to his parents. He asked what's left to say after that.
Howard said Ronnie's acting career took off and in 2016 he was in the show Limitless. He said everyone remembers his line in that show. He played his ''Everybody down on the floor'' line. Howard said he was also in the movie ''The Week Of'' with Adam Sandler. He said that it took him a bunch of tries to get his one line down. He played that and it was just ''Morons.''
Howard said Ronnie gets very excited about the number 69. He played a clip of Ronnie yelling out 69 at an event he made an appearance at. Howard said that's like Ronnie's ''Freebird.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie should start his morning kissing his balls and thanking him for the life he's given him. Howard thanked him for that. Howard said the roast is happening soon so don't shoot your load too soon.
Howard played a clip of Sarah Silverman wishing Ronnie a happy birthday. Howard said High Pitch Erik even sent in a song for Ronnie. He played that and yelled at the clip to shut up. Howard said they had nothing to do with that. He said he taped that himself and you can hear every bit of saliva in his mouth. He said that's everyone's favorite lummox.
Howard said you hear that go by and wonder what the big deal is. He said they had to disguise the words and they got them to say those names. Howard said they did the same for Ronnie and they spent 3 months getting it done. He said Richard did this for the past 3 months. He said he got an impressive amount of names on the air. He said the tough part is disguising it. He said to get Ronnie's boner up he spells it ''Ronnie Sponer'' and it's genius. He said they got in a Ronnie's Ass Chreeks on the air so they spelled it like ''Ronnie Sastreeks.''
Howard played the other Ronnie's birthday announcements that they got on the air. They got one where the guy said Robin's Stits. They had a guy say Ronnie's cock rings. They had a Ronnie's Boner, Ronnie's on all fours, Ronnie's loose asshole, Ronnie Benz Over and others. Howard spelled out some of the names that they got on the air.
Howard said they tried to get Ronnie's saggy balls and Ronnie loves cunt. He said they had a bunch that didn't work. He said sometimes they read them wrong. He had some examples of those. He said they tried Ronnie's erect and Stephanie's wet but they messed that up. Howard said it's so difficult. He said he hates to tell about the failures but they had a really long one that they didn't get on the air. He said it just got all fucked up. He played the messed up birthday wish.
Howard said that one was too ambitious. Richard said they went for broke with that one because they had a nerdy guy saying some earlier and that's who they wanted to read that one. Richard said he'll pretty much read anything. He said that woman was a fill in that day.
Howard said they have a sign in Richard's room that says ''Reach for the dumb moon and fall into the stupid stars.''
Howard played more of the names that Richard got read on the air. He said one blew him away. He said it was like Ronnie's asshole something. Richard said it might be the butt plug one. Howard played that one. Richard said they research the towns near the stations. Howard said he has never been so proud of him. He said he's sure that will make him tear up. Richard said thank you. Robin said must making up the names to get them said is one thing. She said to do research is another.
Richard said some of these stations are Christian stations and they will say god bless you and things like that to get them to read them.
Howard played another one where a guy read one that was Ronnie's loose asshole. Howard wondered if they wake up and wonder what they're saying. Howard played a couple more of Richard's accomplishments. Then he started the clips over from the beginning with the nerdy guy that Richard mentioned. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said Memet has been on Twitter, Instagram and Reddit and he reads the responses about himself. He said he just got a report about how he's back in the office watching for comments about himself. He asked if that's correct. Gary said he's standing up now but he's always looking for comments. He said Reddit is the worst place to go for that. He said they write the worst things about them there. Howard said he won't go on those sites to read about himself. He said that Memet is obsessed with comments about himself. Gary said he needs 24/7 validation about himself.
Gary said Memet thinks he came off well the other day. Howard said not according to the email. He asked Memet how he's doing in the morning meeting and why is he on social media looking for himself. Memet said he thought he was just telling him not to go on social media as a friend. He said he doesn't care what assholes say about him on the internet. He said that's the truth.
Memet said he is looking at other things on Reddit. He said he may have looked at it. Jason said one of the bosses back there caught him with his feet up back there. Memet said he has a standing desk so he can't have his feet up. He said he has never had his feet up back there.
Howard asked how the morning meeting is. Memet said he isn't so arrogant that he's going to tell everyone how to run things. He said he'll observe and then come in with some ideas. Robin asked what that has to do with contributing. Memet said he doesn't want to take over. Gary said he wasn't invited at all. He barged his way in. Howard said he's like a tiger lying in wait to strike. Memet said he's collecting his thoughts. He said he's taking his time.
Robin asked if he has any ideas. Memet said he wants to take over Gary's job for a day. Gary said he tired that and it failed. He said he screwed up the squawk box. Robin said she heard last week that he has a ton of ideas. Howard said he doesn't want to knock people over.
Gary said this isn't even the right meeting for pitching ideas. Memet said he knows that and he does that in the Will meetings. Howard said that the storm is coming. He said they're looking forward to that. Robin said she would love to hear his ideas. Howard said he hopes his ideas are good and they get on the air. Robin said they want the show to be great at all times and they don't care where the ideas come from.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Memet how he can take Friday off to play a video game. Howard said he has the right to take it off. Memet said that was his first day off this year. The caller said he went to work that day even though he got the game. He said he wouldn't blow off work to play a game. Howard said it relaxed him so he has no problem with that. Howard asked if it's true he spent all weekend playing the game. Memet said he did. He said that it's like a role playing game. He said he plays a cowboy in it. Howard asked who else is in it. Memet said it's a bunch of cowboys. Howard asked if there are native Americans in the game. Memet said there are. Howard asked if people will be upset with the game. Memet said they do throw in the politically correct messages in the game. He said the game is so detailed that the horse you ride has balls. He said if you're in a cold town the balls get tiny. He said that's how good video games have gotten. The caller said he has played 20 hours in that game and he didn't notice that.
Howard said he heard Memet was ignoring his girlfriend's texts all weekend. Memet said he may have done that. Howard asked if he's serious about this girl. Gary said he was carving pumpkins with her and went ice skating with her. He said it's serious. Howard said this sounds serious. Howard asked to see a picture. Memet said he doesn't have one. Howard said he has to have one. He said he's all about pictures.
Howard asked how he got her. Memet said he thinks met her on Instagram. Memet looked for a picture. The caller asked how old she is. Howard said how about George Takei saying he wanted a younger man if Brad passes away.
Howard checked out the girl and said she looks really cute. Memet said that this can't possibly work. Howard asked if this is the girl that he kissed and the woman came over asking if she needed help. Memet said it is.
Howard said he was thinking about that story and there has to be something else going on there. He said no one ever asks if you're being assaulted. He said that it had to look odd. He asked what he was doing. Memet said he gave permission to someone in the office to ask her if he did something weird. He said nothing weird went on. He said people are just so on guard about that kind of thing. He said in bars they have signs saying if a man is flirting with you they'll escort the guy out.
Howard said he made out at the bar with that woman and a woman came over and asked if the woman needed help. He said that's a story to tell your grand kids. Memet said they survived that. Howard said if a woman is being creepy you can order an ''angel shot'' and they know to get rid of the guy. Howard asked what that shot is. Memet said the thing is that you know they're ordering that shot. He said that he'd know if she ordered it.
Howard said it sounds pretty serious to him. He asked why he ignored her texts. Memet said he told her that he was going to be a cowboy for the weekend. He said the game is basically just to waste time. He said it apparently takes over 100 hours to play it out. Howard said he's still alive in the game. Memet said he is. He said he's 100 percent bonded with his horse.
Howard asked how you bond with it. Memet said he feeds it apples and brushes him. Howard asked if the guys are treating him well after last week's segment. Memet said he thinks he preempted it and they're all getting along fine. He said everything is good.
Howard said Memet has ideas for the show and he's going to pitch them in this morning meeting. Memet said he will. Robin asked why he spends so much time with Brent. Memet said he really likes Brent even though they might fight a lot on the air.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's with Memet and how it's more important to bond with a cartoon horse than to come in to work. Robin asked if the horse has BMs and he has to muck the stall. Memet said he doesn't actually. He said he has to hitch it to a post and that's about it. Howard asked if there is hair on the horse's balls. Memet said he doesn't think they have that much detail.
Howard asked what the name of the horse is. Memet said it won't let you name it anything dirty. He said he didn't want to name it this but he read on the internet that you can't name it Sarah Jessica Parker. He said he wanted to name it something stupid but not that. He said he's not getting into what his horse's name is. Howard asked what it is. Memet said he's not going to say. He said he's given enough. He said he'll tell him off the air. He said he can't say it on the air. Howard said now he's turned him off. He said he named it after someone meaningful. Howard asked if he named it Brent. Memet said no. Howard said he doesn't give a fuck what it is off the air.
Robin said he must have named it Gary. Memet said he can't say what he named it. Howard asked what name he didn't use. Memet said this is so dumb. He said he named it after the girl he's dating but he didn't know it was a boy horse. He said that it's just silly. Howard asked if he used her first name. Memet said it's goofy and corny. Memet said it's a cheesy thing.
Howard said that's the one thing that embarrassed him. Memet said he's embarrassed about other things too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is fascinating. Memet asked why. The caller said after his tirade last week he goes and plays cartoons all weekend. Howard said they have to get to the roast because the roasters have a schedule. Gary said Memet took a week off in July too so he's forgetting about that. He said he's claiming this was his first day off this year. Howard moved on and played a Memet on Dr. Phil bit and went to break.
Howard came back and said he's very excited about this roast. He said he has everyone in there. He said that he has to introduce Jim Breuer, Lisa Lampanelli and Nikki Glaser. He said the best part of this is that it's more intimate. He said they'll just have a few people in the room. He said it's more casual. He said they can spread out and do their thing. Lisa said it's still a lot of pressure on them to make 3 people laugh. She said they all better laugh.
Howard said that they all make him laugh. He said that Nikki Glaser does not know that she was named by New York Magazine as a top roaster. Nikki said she didn't know that. Howard said she's on this list in New York magazine. Nikki said that means a lot to her. She said so much work goes into this. Lisa said it's very hard with Ronnie because there are so many areas to make fun of him that you have to dig deep.
Howard said that there really is a lot there. He said he takes dildos in his ass, he's short and he's got the 69 thing.
Howard said he wanted to talk to these three first before bringing everyone else in there. He said they have a great throne for Ronnie to sit in. He said it's a throne of dildos. He said that Lisa was shocked by this. Howard said they have no budget. Lisa said she's disgusted by it but it has veins in it. Howard said he must have dildos at home. Lisa said she does not. She said she doesn't even spank it out. She said she has no sex drive at all. She said Menopause hit her and she's done. She said it's disgusting down there. She said she's not even sure if she has a clitoris. Howard said she used to love sex. Lisa said she doesn't need it now. She said she's spent 6 years working on herself.
Howard said people are going to be blown away by this. He said that Lisa Lampanelli was the Queen of Mean and she makes a hell of a living being mean in her comedy shows. Howard said she's known to be outrageous. He said Lisa is announcing today that she's retiring from stand up comedy. He said she will no longer perform. He said she did her last show in June. Lisa said she's a good saver. She said that she's got low income needs. Lisa said her father was sick about 6 years ago and she loved helping him. She said that her message was getting lost in the comedy so she thought she might be being misunderstood. She said she wanted to shift into something else. Howard said maybe she could do stand up with more people included. Lisa said she thought about that and wondered why. She said she was listening to Sarah Silverman and Jonah Hill last week and they love what they do. She said she never had that. She said she has these connections doing what she's doing now helping people. Howard said today will be her last time being mean. Lisa said she will be mean to her friends and family but that's it. Howard asked if Nikki is shocked by this. Nikki said she is.
Lisa said she is so content. She said she loves what she's doing. She said this is her purpose. She said she feels like she lost another hundred pounds.
Howard asked Jim what he thinks. Jim said that he thinks Lisa found herself a couple of years ago and he's known her for a long time. He said he thinks this is good for her. Howard asked Nikki if she's envious of Lisa. Nikki said she hopes to find that some day. She asked if she ever thought she would get to that point. Lisa said she thinks it's just because she knew that comedy was her way of connecting. She said that she likes to connect to people. Howard asked if she's a life coach. Lisa said she's going to places like a retreat center and things like that helping people.
Howard asked if her old personality ever comes out. Lisa said she does use humor in it. She said that the essential part of her has humor in it. Howard asked what she will do with a joke. Lisa said she'll give it to Jim because he needs it. She said she's just kidding.
Howard said this is the last time she'll be mean. Lisa said she's glad it's for Ronnie. She said she doesn't like the way he yells at Howard so she's very protective of him.
Howard said he knows that Jim is never going to find himself. He said he'll go to the grave as a comic. Howard asked how he's doing. He said he looks good. Howard asked what will happen if Lisa tires to uplift Ronnie today. Jim said it could get weird. Lisa said she was practicing her roast last night with her friends and she felt really dirty saying these jokes. She said it is for the greater good. She said roasts are about love and that's what people misunderstand.
Howard said that things are going to go so wrong today. Nikki said she left her jokes at the gym last night. She said she had these filthy jokes and she was embarrassed to ask for the because she didn't want to admit they were her's.
Howard asked what it's like to write the jokes. Jim said he hates insulting people and he does this through characters. He said he's able to be mean that way.
Howard said he saw Nikki on the Roast of Bruce Willis. Howard said she was also on Dancing with the Stars. She got kicked off almost immediately. Nikki said she wasn't even the worst one there. She said they still determined that she was worse and got her off the show. She said it was the scariest thing she has ever done. She said if she can do that then she can do anything. She said she had never danced before. Jim said if they gave him a boat load of cash and a house in the Hamptons he'd never do it. Nikki said her dance partner was very hot. She said she's still drying out after that. She said he was so hot. She said she was eliminated in the second episode and she had worked with him for a month. She said they were rubbing all over and it was like her Make A Wish. She said she was real juiced up. She said he has been doing it a long time and he can get past that. She said it was like a dream and she's dying to get back on.
Lisa said she wants to be on the show to prove that she can't get wet from that. Howard said even in a room with a shirtless dancer she wouldn't be able to do it. Lisa said she thinks that some day she might meet someone and it will work out but the juices flowing isn't happening. Jim asked about just sucking face. Lisa told him they'll do that later.
Howard asked if Lisa's vagina is good for anything anymore. Lisa said that she can barely take a piss. She said she's just kidding and she's fine. Lisa said she thinks she and Robin are in a similar place with that. She said if a man comes along then fine.
Howard said Jim was on tour with Metallica. He asked if that's the hardest gig. Jim said he was more of an Emcee and host than doing stand up. He said if he did 45 minutes of stand up he'd be beheaded. Jim said he was asked to do this opening of the shows and their manager came out and set him up for this stuff. He said they were going to announce it the next day. Howard asked if it's lucrative for him. Jim said it's great money and they treat him well. He said they jet in and do their thing. He said he doesn't even get to hang with them. Howard said it must be weird to see guys who lived in a van flying all over the place to their shows. Howard said they don't bring him on the jet. Jim said he's on the tour bus. He said he hears a lot of stories on the bus.
Jim said on their first show they were in Madison, Wisconsin. He said he went up for 20 minutes and did his thing. He said he ran off stage and asked if they were going up at 8:30. He said they said for sure they were going up. He said at 8:25 all of the managers and promoters were there. He said he did his thing on stage and at 8:35 they told him to keep going. He said he had a DJ on stage doing his thing too. Howard asked why he didn't do Goat Boy. Jim said this is their first fucking concert and they don't want to see that. Howard said that would have been funny. Jim said that he'd be the only one laughing.
Jim said at 8:45 they were still on stage doing their thing. Howard asked where the guys were. Jim said they were nervous and they didn't come out until 8:50. He said by then these people hate him. He said he's getting the finger and people telling him he sucks. He said after the show their manager came up and said that they really fucked him.
Jim said now he knows that he won't leave the door of their rehearsal room until they all come out. He said he won't stay on stage any longer than he has to.
Howard asked Nikki if she would ever open for a show like that. Nikki said no way. She said it sounds awful. Jim did his Ozzy impression talking about Metallica opening for him in the 80s.
Howard said they have to get to the roast but he has to mention that Jim is very far away from becoming a life coach. He said he has his own subscription channel online. He said that he's an entrepreneur. He said he's not waiting for someone to give him a channel. Jim said he's over 40 and a white guy so there's no place for him.
Howard said Nikki is fascinating. He said she's beautiful and she's a hot comic. He said that Lisa is rejecting the roast life but Nikki is knee deep in it. Nikki said that it's so much work. She said she never wanted to do another one after the Bruce Willis roast. She said when you tell the jokes they might not be good. She said you don't know. Howard asked if it's a disaster as a love life. Nikki said it's tough. She said she's dated comedians before and she can't do that. She said the new comedians coming in are too young for her so she's done with comedians. She said she has hooked up with these guys and she'll be with them one night and they're done. She said she's done banging boys. She said she won't bang until she's in a committed relationship. She said she would love to have casual sex but she can't. She said she feels like their brains don't work that way.
Howard said sex is an intimate act. Nikki said that the body thinks that he's making a baby with you but he's just cumming in your mouth. She said that guys cum on your face and they look so proud. Howard asked how many guys came on Lisa's face. Lisa said thousands. She said she was always a prude actually. She said she didn't do ass play or anything like that. Lisa told Nikki not to do that anymore. Nikki said she hooks up with ex-boyfriends now. She said she can just get it done and not worry.
Howard said Jim has been married a long time. Jim said it's been 25 years. Nikki said that she's banging an ex now and he's a regular guy. She said that he's a TV producer. She said that he understands the business and he will do depraved things to her. Lisa said this is just wrong. She said that guys will understand the business if you explain it to them.
Howard said Nikki was raised catholic and she wasn't very sexual until she was older. Nikki said she didn't masturbate until she was 20. She said she started doing it regularly about a year and a half ago. She said she doesn't lie about that stuff. She said she has shit on a couple of people and she's done anal. Nikki said she's had it go bad though. She said that she now cleans out with an enema. She said she used to do it and figured it was fine until it went bad once. She said she ran to the shower and she was looking for places to hang herself. She said that she was beside herself. She said he came back in and said that if you play with fire you're going to get burned. She said that he had cleaned the room while she was in the bathroom. She said he was really good in that moment. She said that's why she's with him now.
Howard asked Nikki what she'll do next time with the anal. Nikki said she loves anal but you have to do an enema like 10 times. She said once just mixes things up in there. Nikki said there's something about anal being so disgusting that she likes. She said she feels powerful in that moment. She said she likes how filthy it is. Howard said she's very honest about it. Howard said she's even had guys tie her up and cut her panties off. Nikki said it's forced laziness. She said that she likes to just lay back and get it. Howard said Lisa is nodding her head. Lisa said whatever makes you feel good is good for you. She asked how the guy became an ex in the first place. Nikki said they had a TV show together about sex and dating and that was canceled. She said it felt like they suffered a loss together and they had to go their separate ways. She said they put so much into that show. Howard said that's why it's so tough dating in show business.
Howard wonder if she'll marry this guy. Lisa said she thinks that it sounds like a good eon for her. Nikki said she likes hearing stories about people he's dated in the past and how he got them and things like that. She said he was telling these stories to her and he's only got so many because he's kind of short. She said he ran out of stories so she wanted him to get more so he did. She said she told him to go out and do his thing and she'd just listen to the stories. Nikki said that he'd come back and save it for when they're hooking up. Nikki said she wasn't sure she could handle it but she loved it. She said she doesn't want to be part of it but she loves the stories.
Howard said you never know what's going on in someone's life. Howard said that they're about to roast Ronnie but Nikki had to take a break after the Bruce Willis roast. She was upset about being goofed on. Lisa said that it can be rough at times but she enjoyed that. She said she likes it when Artie Lange says that he's been mistaken for Lisa Lampanelli.
Howard asked what got to Nikki. Nikki said that they said she looked like Owen Wilson. She said they're not wrong. She said that she sees it now when she looks in the mirror. She said she tried to look as pretty as possible that night. She said that she was trying to look as pretty as she could that night and they still said she looked like Owen Wilson. Lisa said they have to dig deep to roast Nikki. She said she always knew that it was easy with her because of the fat and ugly jokes. She said that you just sit on that stage and just laugh really hard. She said these dummies read off the teleprompter and they don't know what's happening. She said you know your flaws and you accept them. She said a lot of that comes with age.
Howard said he has to say that Owen Wilson is handsome so Nikki should think about that. Nikki said she was actually kind of flattered. She said that she almost made a joke about how she was just off enough to look like one of Bruce's daughters. She said that people told her she can't say it. She said she didn't say it at the time but they looked like super models at the time. She said she relates to them because they both have hot moms and their dad's goofy DNA kind of won out. She said she's so close to being super hot. She said she's a comedy 9. She said her sister is really hot and she got all of the looks. Nikki said all of her friends wanted to bang her sister. She said that her mom was model hot and she was told to be a model... airplane enthusiast.
Howard said he's not into his anal stuff but he's all for it if a woman lets him put it in her vagina. He said he's never cum on a woman's face either. He said he doesn't need that. Lisa said Howard has true love. Howard asked Jim if he ever came on his wife's face. Jim said he never has. He said he can't imagine doing that. Howard said maybe he could do that in character as Joe Pesci. Jim did his Pesci voice for him. Howard said when you're in character you can do anything. Howard said they should get to the roast. He said that they know how to have fun. He said that Jim has started his own business and that's startling. Lisa said she's really proud of him.
Howard asked how you subscribe to his channel. Jim said go to Patreon or his web site and figure it out. Howard said he doesn't think this thing with Lisa will last and she'll be back to stand up in a week. He said that he wishes her luck with that though.
Howard said now they're going to take a break and get to the roast with Ronnie. He said they'll have Shuli Egar, Sal and Marfan Mike. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said Ronnie has evolved. Robin said that Ronnie and Evolved should not be used in the same sentence.
Howard said that Sal Governale is here. He said Shuli Egar is there too. He said Shuli is behind Lisa. He asked if they heard the news about her becoming a life coach. Sal said that's the funniest thing she said all day. He said that's hilarious. Howard said please don't jerk off on Jim's back.
Howard said JD Harmeyer is there. HE's not sure why. JD said he's there to laugh. Howard said Ronnie is going be roasted and he can't start yelling at people. Ronnie asked if he's said a word. Howard said he's just telling him. Shuli said he asked for a bottle of water to throw at someone if he needs to.
Howard asked Gary why he's there. Gary said he's there to get his teeth made fun of. Howard asked why Marfan Mike is there. Mike said he has some stuff he wrote. He said he has prepared material. Howard said that even people with disabilities are welcome on this show. Howard said that's why he hired Sal.
Howard asked why Wolfie is there. Wolfie said he's there to annoy Ronnie. Ronnie said he doesn't hate him.
Howard said that Jim Breuer is there and they heard about his new channel and how you can sign up at Patreon. He had him kick the whole thing off. Jim went into his character so he could do the roast thing. Jim asked what the difference is between Ronnie and a Dildo. He said Ronnie is the real dick. He asked if Howard knew that Ronnie went into a sex shop and asked how much i was for the big red dildo. He said the salesman told him that's not a dildo, that's a fire extinguisher. Jim goofed on Ronnie's height and how he's supposed to be security for Howard. He was in and out of voices and characters. Jim said the three words that Ronnie's fiancee hates to hear the most while making love are ''Honey I'm home!''
Jim asked what the difference is between Ronnie's dick and his jokes. He said no one is laughing at his jokes. Jim went into his Ozzy voice. Ronnie said he's not sure why JD isn't laughing. JD said he's laughing. Howard said he's not supposed to roast anyone yet. Shuli said he's like a fucking road block.
Jim gave Ronnie a knock, knock joke and he didn't respond to it. Jim had to tell him to ask Who's there? Fred did it as Ronnie instead. Jim did his Ozzy voice again. He tried the knock, knock joke again. He said broken pencil. He said oh never mind, it's pointless.
Jim said he's not going to stay up there all fucking day. He said that he has always been good to him even though he's a fucking dick. He said that he's going to keep it moving along. He wished him a happy birthday.
Howard said great job. He said when someone engages with you then you can talk. He said he could have answered the joke. Ronnie said he was supposed to be quiet so that's what he was doing.
Howard said next up is Shuli. He said that Marfan Mike is there. He said lets give him a hand... and some new arms and a new face while they're at it. Shuli said he would eat the corn out of Nikki's shit. He said so will Lampanelli when she gains all of her weight back. He said Wolfie is there. He said no one gives a shit. Shuli got to Ronnie and said he's not there to bury him. He said they all know that's happening on Thursday. He said that Ronnie saw his parents having a threesome under their door and that's funny because he's eye level with that door. He said that Ronnie is killing it on Twitter and by ''it'' he means women's sex drive. Shuli had some jokes about Ronnie being into racing and how he got started when he saw Ben Hur race. Shuli said that he's turning 69 and he's getting kind of senile. He said he spent an hour looking for his dildo and it turns out it was in his ass the whole time. He said he's so old that his dildo has a tennis ball at the end of it. He said he's so old he lies about Stephanie's age. He also said that all of these women who are standing up for one another haven't come to help Stephanie. He asked where her march is. He said that it has to look like the Sharon Tate crime scene after she's with Ronnie.
Howard said good job to Shuli. He said he gave it to him hard, just the way Ronnie likes it. Howard said Nikki Glaser is up next. Howard said she's there from Show Business Central. Nikki said she can't believe that Ronnie hasn't punched Shuli yet. She said it wouldn't be the first time Ronnie has fisted a bald pussy. Nikki said Gary is a great producer of phlegm on the show. She goofed on Gary's first pitch. She said that Memet wants his job and he's in the back taking a nap to prepare. She said maybe he's in a corner crying somewhere. She goofed on JD and how he tricked someone into marrying him. Nikki had some jokes about Marfan Mike and how he's shaped like a giant hot dog. She asked if Ronnie's asshole starts watering when he looks at him. Nikki goofed on Sal and how he wears makeup. She had some good ones that had Howard cracking up. Nikki had some jokes about Sal jerking off to his aunt and holding his grandpa's penis. Nikki got to Ronnie and said he's turning 69 and that's like if Jason weighed 420. She said she's a huge Ronnie fan. She said she had a Flat Ronnie in her office at Comedy Central until it raped 2 interns. She said that people give him shit about using Dean Cain's body but Dean is using Ronnie's body to prove there are leprechauns. Nikki had some jokes about him opening an animal hospital. She said he's pulled more things out of his ass than Sal explaining the Civil War. She said that he treats Howard like royalty when he drives Howard around. She said he treats him like Princess Diana. She had some jokes about Ronnie and Stephanie. She said that she has to be banging other dudes. She said maybe she was banged by her grandpa in a limo as a kid. Nikki said she really is a fan of Ronnie's and she's sure he can draw a crowd when he leaves the show... with a crayon in his assisted living facility.
Howard said that Ronnie looks uncomfortable over there. He said he's being celebrated today. Ronnie said he's not crying over there. Howard said he looks catatonic over there. Howard said they might call that elder abuse and lock Nikki up. He said he thought this was fantastic.
Howard asked Marfan Mike to say a few words about Ronnie. Mike said he has a speech. Howard told Ronnie to turn around and look at him. Ronnie said he can't turn around. Howard said Nikki did great. He said it's great to see Mike. He asked how he's doing. Mike said he's doing great. Howard had him do his thing. Mike read his speech after saying that it's an honor to be there. Mike did his thing and read his speech. He was pretty hard to understand. Mike said something about him taking a dildo up his ass and it's not gay. Robin said they should let him read this and they'll figure out what he said tomorrow.
Howard let Mike read his statement about Ronnie. Sal was goofing on him like he didn't know what he said. Jim said he didn't get that. Mike said he needed some tips on getting a woman. He said Ronnie told him to do something. I didn't get it but the guys were laughing at his joke.
Howard said now they have Sal Governale. He said he can be cruel. Howard said just take it in stride. Ronnie said he's fine. Sal did his thing and said he didn't know this was an open casket. Sal said someone shut the lid. Howard was cracking up. Sal had some jokes about Lisa. He asked ''What's up dude?'' He said the King of Mean is there. He said Lisa's comedy career is kind of like Joey Boots dick. She blew it and now it's dead. Howard said that's so inside. Sal said she did fuck Joey Boots. He said that if you pay to see her comedy you know she fucks the whole audience. He said she's like Roseanne's show on ABC. He said the black jokes are gone and so is the laughter. Sal said that she looks like Lyle Lovett fucked a peacock. He said that Lisa said she has no sex drive at all. He said that's because she has a mirror. Howard said he thought this was a Ronnie roast.
Sal moved on to Marfan Mike and said his face looks like his cock with eyeballs. He said that his roast was good. He said he did the impossible by making Shuli sound funny. He said he had more bombs than Hillary Clinton's mailbox. He said Nikki Glaser is there and who gives a shit. He moved on to Ronnie. He said that it's good he wears glasses because they can tell the difference between his face and his balls. Sal had a bunch of great jokes that had the guys all cracking up.
Howard said Sal was on fire. He said that he has a high comedy IQ. He said Lisa took a lot of hits from Sal. Lisa said that you have to love someone to roast them like that. She said she thinks Sal loves her. Howard said this is the last time she'll be mean. Lisa said she gets so much joy out of helping people. She said she had to take a day off from that to do this.
Lisa got up and did her final roast. She said she hasn't been this excited since her dog ate a shoe lace and she had to pull it out of his asshole. She had some jokes about Howard and she goofed on Howard about picking berries with Jimmy Kimmel out on the Hamptons. She said that his chap stick is cock flavored. She said she'll move on. She said she has more jokes about Howard but she'd have to charge him $15.99 a month to hear them. She moved on to Ronnie and said she's shocked that anyone cares about this future Uber driver. She said that Paul Walker was a better driver. She said that the only reason they have this roast is because he's Howard's driver. She asked if they're going to have the cunt who does Robin's enemas next. Lisa said that Ronnie is going to a jazz club to celebrate. She said that Ronnie and Jazz are related because they stared in the early 1900s and they're both very hard to listen to.
Lisa said she lost her 100 pounds because she thinks about Ronnie taking it in the ass and she can't keep her food down. She said Ronnie likes getting banged in the ass with a dildo. She asked what it's like being secretly gay. She asked Sal what that's like. She had more jokes about Sal. She talked about Sal being obsessed with penises and he has a bad dye job... She said she's sorry, she mixed up those jokes with her jokes about Nikki. She asked if Amy Schumer had morning sickness and wasn't able to make it this morning. Lisa said that Nikki told her a story about being stuck in a room with Louis C.K. and the masturbation was so bad that Louis had to leave the room.
Lisa said she's going to miss this. She had some jokes about Jim. She said she's glad he took some time off from being Metallica's fluffer. She said that his IMDB page should have a GoFundMe link. She said that Jim Breuer is like this Samsung phone. She said he briefly caught fire and hasn't been popular since. She said he looks a little retarded. She said it's just enough to get him to the front of the line at Disneyland.
Lisa moved on to Ronnie and she told some jokes about how the first time she met him she thought Peter Dinklage was really moving up in the world. She asked if he gets his suits at Build a Bear Workshop. She said Ronnie is so grey and wrinkled that he could be a double for Betty White's cunt. Lisa said that she found out that he used that Dean Cain body picture in a personal appearance poster. She asked what it feels like to be making personal appearances. She wondered what that feels like so she asked Gary. Lisa had some jokes about Ronnie and Stephanie's engagement and how she wasn't surprised because he always looks like he's on one knee. She said that every time they go out she gets Amber alerts. Lisa said that it's been an honor to do this roast. She said that it's been great to berate a dwarf in front of all of these people. She said she would like to thank him for giving her this chance for one last time. She said she would like to tell him to go fuck himself but he probably left his dildo at home.
Howard said what an honor this was. He said Lisa is like John Elway and she went out on top. Howard asked if that was tough for Ronnie. Ronnie said it was kind of rough. Lisa asked what bothers him. Howard said tell them so they can focus on them. Ronnie said he's not going to say what they are. Howard asked what bothers him the most. Ronnie said the Stephanie stuff bothers him. Lisa said that it was for comedy sake that she did this. She said that he's doing very well in his life so that's that.
Howard said he has one last surprise for Ronnie. He said he has his mom there. He had Ronnie's mom come in after that. He said she loves Ronnie. Ronnie's Mom came in yelling at everyone about how they suck for doing what they did to Ronnie. Ronnie's Mom went off on everyone yelling at them to have some fucking respect for her son. She said respect her little boy. She said it's a good thing that the room was full of cunts because Ronnie loves them. Howard said everyone loves Ronnie's Mom. He said they all talk the same in that family. Ronnie's Mom said they're all sucking, fucking mother fuckers. Ronnie's Mom said she has some news for Robin. He said she's a fucking cuuuunt!
Howard said Ronnie's Mom says ''Lets get this shit started'' so did he learn that from her. Ronnie's Mom said he did. She had jokes about most of the people in there. She was going off on everyone and saying that Nikki should be dancing on her son's cock. She went off on Lisa about her Smurf hair. She went off on Jim too.
Howard said she really is defending her son in there. Ronnie's Mom said that all of the Mund men are short because it's perfect pussy munching height. She attacked Nikki and Lisa with her strap on so Howard kicked her out after that.
Howard said he wants to thank everyone for coming in. Ronnie was going off on everyone just yelling about the jokes they were telling. Ronnie was trying to roast them but some of his jokes dint' go over so well. He had one about Jim and Jim just said let Marfan Mike tell those jokes.
Howard asked why Wolfie is there. He had nothing to add. Wolfie said he had an exclusive clip to play. Howard said he's not going to do that. Ronnie said kick him out of there. Howard said it might have been a waste of a seat. Howard had Ronnie turn his head to the right all the way. He did that. Howard said it looks like he has a cock coming out of his mouth.
Howard said everyone loves Ronnie. He said he has provided hours of entertainment on the show. He said he talks about sex and so much that no one will talk about. Howard said roasts usually end with something nice. He asked if Ronnie has anything nice to say. Ronnie said that he has some tears. He said he feels appreciated in there. Howard said they did this for him. He said that they did that and they probably didn't want to be there for two hours. Howard said he even sees a tear in JD's eye. He asked if that's because he thinks he's going to die soon. Ronnie said just wait to see what kind of ride he gives him home today.
Howard asked JD if he liked the roast. JD said he did. Wolfie said he heard him hooting. JD said he was. Ronnie said he really wants to know why Wolfie is there. Wolfie said they thought he'd be more uncomfortable if he was in there. Ronnie said he doesn't like people calling him a liar. Wolfie said he just lied last week. Ronnie said he didn't want to get into that again. He said he didn't know that was Dean Cain. He said it didn't say that was Dean Cain's body.
Howard asked if he's still saying that Wolfie is lying about the lap dance thing. Ronnie said he is. Howard said he has to protect his marriage. Ronnie said if he's that hen pecked then he should get out of it.
Ronnie said he feels appreciated and he feels honored that they did it. Howard said it was fun having Marfan Mike in there. He thanked him for coming in. Howard thanked the roasters and thanked Sal for what he did. He thanked Shuli, Wolfie, Marfan and Lisa Lampanelli. He said Lisa is a story teller now. He said she's becoming a life coach now. He said he's sorry to see her leave the comedy business.
Howard thanked Nikki for coming in. Ronnie really liked the stories she told about anal. Nikki said she loves Ronnie. She said that for him to be someone he's into she's flattered. Ronnie asked her to come hang out with them. Nikki said this is really creeping her out. Ronnie said they could tell her some great stories. Howard said they usually have someone drag someone like Ronnie out of there by Security but the problem is that he is security. Howard asked what he would do in a room alone with her. Fred did his impression of Ronnie talking about how he'd glaze her face. Ronnie said he would shoot it right in her ass. Howard asked if he can see herself shitting on Ronnie. Nikki said sure. Ronnie said he wouldn't mind that. He said shit happens. He said it's nature baby.
Howard got back to Lisa and gave her some plugs for her show she's doing at the Gramercy theater on November 11th. Howard asked if she can see herself shitting on Ronnie. Lisa said absolutely. Ronnie made a joke about her being in a Halloween costume today. No one laughed.
Howard said he wants to say that Nikki has a show called U Up with Nikki Glaser. Ronnie said he's up alright. Howard said Nikki has a big fan in Ronnie. Ronnie said he'll be talking about her tonight. Howard gave Nikki more of a plug and Ronnie was still getting creepy with her. Howard said everyone is talking about Nikki's show. Robin asked what channel that's on. Fred Ronnie answered ''Sixty nine!'' Nikki said she's very open on her show. Ronnie said maybe he should come on her show. She said she would love that.
Howard asked Ronnie if he thinks he could seduce Nikki. Ronnie said he's just talking to her. He said he never said that. Howard said she's not a stripper so she's not paid to like you. He said he has to teach him the world sometimes. He said just because she has anal doesn't mean she'd like it with him. Nikki said she only has it with people she's in love with. Ronnie said ''Oh'' and didn't seem so into her after that. Howard gave Nikki the same plug and said her show is on channel 95.
Howard gave Jim a plug for his show and said you can find more at Patreon.com. Howard said he's opening for Metallica all over the country. Howard asked Marfan if he has any appearances he wants to plug. Marfan said ''Nope.''
Shuli said Ronnie is a good man. He said he's all about meeting guys and meeting girls. He said he'll be meeting God soon too you old fuck.
Howard had Ralph on the phone to wish Ronnie a happy birthday. Ralph said that they were all good other than Marfan Mike. He said Nikki is his favorite female comic right now too. He said he's digging Lisa's new look too. Howard cut him off after that and hung up.
Howard said that Ronnie is all sexed up from Nikki today. Jim said just look at his face. Howard said he has to move on. He took a call from Ronnie's inner voice. The inner voice was all over the place with Ronnie thoughts about Nikki and much more. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he should write a song like this. He said he's just very busy. He asked where this is from. Fred said it sounds like an album. Howard said he should get into these guys. Fred said it is from an album. Howard asked if he has to do something. Fred said he has to do a live read. Howard said he's exhausted. He said he thought he was going to passes out after the roast. He said he had to eat something. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he has to take a breather there and say how great the roasters were. Howard said he was sad over Lisa getting out of stand up. He said she's so funny. Robin said it's like a sex symbol in Hollywood becoming a nun.
Howard said Nikki was interesting. He said she was talking about how hard it is to hear she doesn't look good when they make fun of her in a roast. Robin said that was very interesting coming from someone who roasts other people. Howard said Ronnie was a good sport. Robin said she's not sure about that. She said that he may not have caught on. She said Jim did that knock, knock joke and he didn't get that.
Howard said Fred was great as Ronnie. He said that Ronnie's Mom was great too. Fred said he thinks that Ronnie had a good time. He said he was out of his fucking mind with Nikki. Howard said he really was. He said she works up there so it's like an inter office romance. Howard said Fred has the new toy there. He said that he has that Ronnie with Dean Cain's body puppet. He said he's quite the puppeteer.
Howard took a call from Balls who said the roast was great. Howard said he's exhausted from laughing so much. Robin said she was laughing so hard she was crying.
Howard took a call from a guy, Johnny Railroad, who said top notch material today. He said that was great. Howard said that when you do a roast they edit out any jokes that don't work. He said you saw them flying without a net today. He said it's very brave of them to do that. He said they haven't tested these jokes out. He said Ronnie's mom just screaming out cunt in her own way. The caller said that Ronnie is a gentleman when he's seen him in person. He said hopefully they get another 69 years from him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it was nice to see that nice side of Ronnie today when he said he felt appreciated. Howard said he must have felt vulnerable. Robin said he must not be able to switch from being that sexual Ronnie. Howard said if Nikki ever had a self image problem she shouldn't now.
Howard said they don't get paid a dime extra for the video but they have that up there now. He said you have a free app now to watch on. He said he applauds them for making it free to subscribers. Howard said that you will see the throne of penises. He said pay close attention to Ronnie leaning in on Nikki when he's talking about sex. Howard said maybe they can do a slow-mo on that for the app. He said he goes right in for the kill in that.
Howard said their app is in high def and those dildos really pop in HD. He asked who gets the throne. Robin said everyone said it was very comfortable. Howard said she can take a picture in it and that will live on forever.
Robin said the roasters were superlative today. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has to congratulate them on that hour and a half of radio. He said it was great. He said he liked how Howard got upset when Lisa started goofing on him. Howard said it's inappropriate to talk about his looks or lifestyle. He said he's glad he picked up on that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she can't believe Lisa is retiring. She said she was awesome. Howard said she made a bunch of money and she feels she can do something for people. Howard said he thinks Lisa will be back. Mariann said she thinks so too. She was talking about how great the roast was and she can't to watch it on the app. Howard hung up on her. Howard said he loves Mariann.
Howard said they could have brought in King of All Blacks if they really wanted to upset Ronnie. He had King on the phone. Howard said it was kind of like Ronnie was getting really aggravated but then he got into it. Robin said he didn't laugh. He just sat there until his mother came in. King said that's how you disarm them. Howard said there was a discussion about who should sit in and they were afraid King wouldn't shut up. King said he knows radio ''edict.'' Howard said he's going to wait for him to come up with the word. King said etiquette is what he was trying to say.
King said next year Ronnie is going to be 70 years old. Howard said that's depressing. He said that's unbelievable.
Howard took a call from Chad from St. Louis who said they were talking about Reddit and Twitter. He asked why he thinks so many people hate listening to the show or claim they hate it. Howard said that's been his career. He said more people can see it on the internet. He said even back before that he'd be on radio and the newspapers said he sucks now. He said he went to K-Rock and the next year they said he sucked. He said he knows it's popular to say he used to be good. He said that could be the case. He said he will keep doing it until he's tired of doing it.
Howard said he sees beautiful women online like Emily Ratajkowski who get naked for people. He said she puts her ass out there for her fans and there are people commenting on her pictures saying that she's gross and has fish lips and things like that. Howard said he hopes she doesn't read that stuff. He said that will discourage her from posting. Howard said he wonders where these people live that they think she has hips like a boy. Howard said it seems to be that no matter who you are or how talented you are you will get people who are just so angry with you that they think you suck. He said it's weird to think that Emily Ratajkowski is ugly. He said she's not ugly. Howard said meanwhile their girlfriends look like Alf if they even have one. He said that's the reality. He said if you ran into them in real life you'd see that they're just angry with Emily because they can't get someone like her.
Howard said you think about this guy who shot up the synagogue in Pittsburgh. He said these people are human beings that you want on this planet. He said this guy who shot them up has never met Jewish people. He said this guy doesn't hate the Jews, he hates himself. He said this country is doomed. He said this is the kind of stuff you read on the internet. He said it's ruining the country. He said people are too stupid to think for themselves. He said there's so much hate in the world. He said people have always hated him. He said even the fans hate him. He said that it just happens so what can he do about it.
Chad asked if he considers them fans even if they say that stuff. Howard said that they get on the internet and want to be noticed. He said it's tough out there. He said people are lonely. Howard let Chad go and moved on to the news.
Robin started her news with a story about the Wing Bowl and had Howard play some audio. Robin said that the Wing Bowl is no more. Robin said WIP used to put that Wing Bowl on. Robin said they have decided to end it after 26 years. Howard said they had things for Wolfie to do there. He said Richard loved it. Gary said Richard's son was conceived there. Robin said she's not sure why they're giving it up. Howard said he's not sure why they had it to begin with. They talked about the stories they heard over the years from Wolfie and people who went to it. Howard had some audio of a janitor who worked there describing the stuff he has seen there. Robin said every good thing must come to an end. They did their Richard Christy voices talking about the Wing Bowl and drinking beer. Howard said sometimes he just walks out of the room when Richard is talking to him.
Howard said the other day Richard told him he bought a piece of luggage that was made just for beer. He had Richard in to talk about that. Richard said years ago he went to a beer festival and he got some killer beers and put them in his suitcase. He said he picked it up and beer just poured out of the suitcase. He said they still broke even though they were wrapped up in clothes. Richard said now he has a real hard case to protect them. He said he almost got one made just for beer. Howard said that's what he was talking about. Richard said he tested it and he hasn't broke a bottle since. Howard said it's crazy that he even thinks about that. He said it's just weird. Howard let him go after that. He said he's out of juice. Richard said RIP Wing Bowl. Howard said Richard really loved that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to thank him for doing what he does. He said he doesn't get enough praise. Howard said he's right. The guy said it sounds like he's sucking his dick but he's not. He said he just thinks that he doesn't get praise. Howard said a lot of guys feel embarrassed to say they like another guy. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a guy in the paper today who probably isn't happy about it being in there. Robin said he's accused of ejaculating on a woman back on October 1st. Howard said Beth has told him stories about guys doing that down there. Robin said this woman was on one end of the car and the guy went up behind her and did this. Robin said the victim realized that the man had ejaculated on her back and buttocks. Robin said the woman took a picture of the man and now he has been arrested. Howard asked if she keeps the load as DNA evidence. Robin said she would imagine so.
Robin read a story about a man who was shot trying to break into a 14 year old girl's home. Robin said this guy met the 14 year old and then flew halfway around the world to meet her. Robin said he was armed with pepper spray, duct tape and a knife. Robin said the mom of the girl shot the man. Howard said the guy who shot up the synagogue was shot and he lived through it. He said they should have put one in his head and ended it. Robin said that's against the law. Howard said the most startling thing is that Jewish doctors were working on him and he was screaming ''Death to the Jews!'' Howard said if he was a doctor he'd make a mistake and let him bleed out.
Robin read more about the guy who got shot and how he's on federal charges for trying to get this 14 year old girl. He came all the way from New Zealand.
Robin read a story about two women who have both carried the same baby. Robin said they are both the biological mother of this boy. Robin said one of the woman's eggs was put in a medical device and put in a woman's body for 5 days. Then the embryo was frozen and put in the other woman's body which helped fertilize it. Robin said an embryo is already fertilized though. Robin tried to figure out how it all worked. Robin read more of the story and how that worked. Robin said they both feel much more bonded since they played part in it. Howard said he and Robin are working on a way to use 5 vaginas to create a baby.
Robin read a story about Twitter and how they're thinking about removing the Like button. Howard said he hopes they do that. Howard said it's lazy to do that. He said he wants a response instead. Robin read about how that's a way to improve a forum's debate. Robin said they want to insure that they're insentivising healthy conversation. Robin said they should end Twitter if that's what they want.
Robin read a story about Sam's Club opening their own cashierless store in Dallas. Robin said there's hardly anyone there to begin with and now they'll have a robot cashier to check out. Robin said she's not sure how to feel about that. Howard said that makes him nervous.
Robin read a story about eating protein before bed. Howard said he eats at 4:30 and he goes the rest of the night with nothing. He said he goes to bed around 9 at the latest. Robin said that's still 5 hours after his meal. Howard said last night he has shrimp Parmesan with spaghetti. He said he removed the cheese from the shrimp. He said he jerked off of course after dinner. Robin asked how many shrimp he had. Howard said it was maybe 4 or 5. He said that they were pretty big actually. He said that was good. He said then he went upstairs and got in bed. He watched The Walking Dead for an hour. He said then he watched Ray Donovan. Robin didn't know that was back on. Howard said then he watched Bill Maher's opening monologue. He said Stormy Daniels is a tough interview. He said he may have to have her in there to interview her. He said then he went to sleep. He said he didn't have any gas because he didn't eat a lot. He said he has some water but that's about it. He said he's going to bed earlier and earlier.
Robin said a study says that consuming 30 grams of protein 30 minutes before bed has a positive effect on muscle quality and metabolism and overall heath. Robin said that they say cottage cheese is the protein used in the study.
Robin read a story about a group that is showing a video of an abortion at a college campus in Florida. Robin said that they will be doing this at 6 colleges. Robin said they will have it showing on a Jumbotron. Howard asked if there are any big names in the film. Robin said she doesn't think so.
Robin read a story about Louis C.K. going out and performing and this time there were protestors at the show at the Comedy Cellar. Robin said they put his name up on the marquis this time. Robin had some details about the signs people were holding up there. Robin said one person who was inside said he did address what's been going on with him. She said they don't say what he said though.
Robin read a story about that site Gab that was giving people freedom of speech, is offline. Robin said they took the whole thing down. Robin said they had some agreements with sites that have pulled out of the whole thing. Robin said their corporate partners pulled out. Robin PayPal and other services pulled out.
Robin read about how President Trump is going to Pittsburgh today to pay his respects to the people who were hurt there. Trump said he's really looking forward to going.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who is a big fan of Gab and he's upset they took it offline. The guys in the back were playing Hitler speech clips.
Robin said Trump was asked about why he didn't call of his rally on Saturday. She had a clip of Trump talking about why he kept it going and how you can't let them win by disrupting things like that.
Robin said Stephen Colbert was very serious last night on his show. Robin had some audio of Colbert doing his Trump impression saying that the Jews should have had armed guards for the past 5,000 years. Robin had a couple of clips for Howard to play. Howard said he thinks most people know you can't pay armed guards 24/7. Robin said it sounds like everyone has to have a personal armed guard.
Robin read a story about Mike Pence going out and speaking at rallies. Robin had some clips to play.
Robin read a story about how Trump has been blaming the media for the hate and dissension going on in this country. Robin said that Sarah Huckabee Sanders was saying he was right to blame the media. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Howard said she's the best. Howard said you can't win an argument with that woman. He said she just goes. He had a rap song parody featuring real and fake Sarah clips.
Robin read a story about Jeff Sessions being told to repent at some appearance he made. Robin had some audio of a reverence telling him to repent. Robin said the guy was removed from the room by security.
Robin said that FBI profilers never catch people before hand. She said she was thinking about this. Robin said she thought the whole idea was to get them before they committed crimes. Howard said he thought it was to help catch them after the crimes. Robin said they're looking at this shooter and bomber and they say that both of them were really into conspiracy theories. Howard said he thought it was that they were both assholes. Robin said they both had a lot of social media conspiracy theories. Howard said he bets they didn't get laid much either. Robin said she was thinking sex might have prevented this. Howard said that bomber looked like he looks and thought he could be a male stripper. He said he should have been locked up for that. Howard said he read that they both spent weekends as cowboys too. He said he's not sure what that means.
Robin read a story about how Apple is going to release some new hardware today. Robin said the event should be going on right now. Howard said he wants something new from them. He said it's the same old stuff. He said he wants something where they beam you places. He said even if he just had to get home he'd like to be able to beam himself home. Robin said he could get in a world of trouble if he beamed back in time. Howard said he's not sure he'd want to do that.
Robin read a story about a Shaun White dressing up as Simple Jack. Robin said that's the character in Tropic Thunder that Ben Stiller played. Robin said the Special Olympics is jumping all over him for dressing up like that. Howard asked when people are going to learn that Halloween is a stupid holiday. Robin said it's the adults that get in trouble. Robin said kids never get in trouble. She said adults in costumes don't work. Fred played her news theme while she was talking about that.
Robin read a story about a haunted house in Columbus, Ohio where they were throwing a Swastika Saturday event. Robin said they have been doing this for years. Robin said they did it even after the Pittsburgh shooting. Robin said the owner tried to defend it saying it shows the horrors of the world. Robin said later he said that he figured he had screwed up and he was pledging $50,000 to the synagogue victims.
Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about how candy and medications are kept far from one another on Halloween. The doctor said that kids can confuse the two easily. Robin said they say that 60,000 children end up in the hospital every year because of this. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
Howard started the show talking about how Fred never plays Richard Simmons doing that ''Ahhhhhahhh'' clip. Fred said he does once in a while. Howard said he likes that. Fred played some of Richard's ''Gary'' clips and then the laugh. Howard said he never really had a real laugh. He said he thinks that fake laugh was it. He said there was too much sadness there. He said he hopes he's alright. Robin said she never thought he'd disappear like he did. Howard said he needed the spotlight too much.
Howard said Richard just left show business unlike Lisa Lampanelli who announced she's leaving. He said he doesn't think she's actually leaving. He said she'll be back. Robin said she's just disappearing from stand up for now.
Howard said he has so many things to cover that he's finding himself kind of flummoxed. He said he has to think. He asked Fred to turn off that music.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the opening song and what part he sings and what part Rob Zombie sings. Howard said when he was in the studio with Rob they were going to trade off lines. He said it rapidly became apparent that he wasn't going to be able to do what Rob needed. He said Rob has a unique singing style. He said what he does didn't fit in the song. He said it went horribly wrong so when they do the final mix he's barely in the song. He said Rob took all of the good stuff. He asked Fred to go to the dialog and he'll show what he did. Howard said he can't scream into the microphone like Rob can. He said he as embarrassed in front of everyone there. He pointed out who sings which part of the song. He said he wishes he could go in and cut a new song with Rob. He said Rob is the only one who ever took him into the studio. He said Pharrell told him he wasn't talented enough. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he blew it.
The caller said he went out and got a butt washer for his toilet after hearing him talk about the Toto toilet. The caller asked about the burping technique he talked about. Howard said Japan has a lot of these things and America will go to them eventually. He said he doesn't have one in the city. He said he has one out at his house on Long Island. He said that the city plumbing doesn't work with it. He said it was going to cost like 40 grand to do it in the city. He said he will be getting something in the city though. He said it won't cost him 40 grand.
Howard said he had almost given up on the Toto. He said he didn't get it. He said there's a soft water spirtz setting that doesn't do anything. He said it took him years to develop this technique. He said there was a long time when he wasn't really using it. He said it slowed him down and he didn't get it. He said he still had to get all of the remnants out. He said he always has something in the chamber.
Howard said yesterday he had to poke in there with baby wipes. He said he had to poke around in there to get it all out. He said everyone has those problems. He said this is why the show is good. He said they talk about this stuff. He said Julie Chen never talked about this on The Talk. Robin said she heard she's done with Big Brother now too. Howard said they're all huddled together somewhere.
Howard said he had the Toto toilet and he thought it was bullshit. He said he was still using baby wipes which aren't good for the environment. He said he had stopped using the toilet. He said then by accident he made his morning doody and he decided to put the blast on high. He said it caught him by surprise. He said the water was way more forceful. He said it's like a garden hose compared to a fire department hose. He said that his asshole puckered up. He said the water would hurt because it was so powerful. He hung in there with it and he realized that the water would fill up in a chamber in his ass. Robin said the ass is a chamber. Howard said he would capture the water and release it. He said then he was getting clean. He said it wasn't fully clean though.
Howard said as he went on with the blasting of the water he was learning. He said that he wondered if he could start an aquarium in there. Robin said it's like doing a mini enema. Howard said he had all kinds of emotional issues with this. He said he was making a doody and then turning the water on to see how much new doody would come out into the bowl. He said a considerable amount was coming out.
Howard said then something marvelous happened. He said he realized that he could release water as it was coming in. He said there was a constant hurricane in his asshole. He said it was like a tsunami. Robin said that's a colonic. Howard said he was going himself a colonic. He said now he sits on the bowl for about a minute with the water going in there. He said he gets completely clean. He no longer needs the baby wipes. He said he just uses the toilet paper for drying his ass. He said the Toto has a blow dryer but he can't sit there all day waiting for that.
Howard said he feels fucking great after that wash. He said he feels free and he's ready to start his day. He loves it. He said his asshole sparkles. The caller said that's a beautiful thing. Howard said he's like a ninja now. Robin said it's also a positioning thing. Howard said she's right. He said he just opens himself up to that whole thing. He said he just lets the water in and blows it right out. He said it sounds like little farts. He said he can't tell you how happy it makes him.
Howard said he's a big proponent of that toilet. He said it took him years to master that technique. Robin said that you have to set up the toilet just for yourself. Howard said he doesn't do that. He said he moves around to set his ass up right. Robin said if he set it up he'd be able to stay in the same spot. Howard said he likes to move so everything is power washed down there. Robin said they have one for the taint. Howard said he doesn't mess with that one. Howard said he's all for the Toto. He said the Japanese are on to something. Robin said they have these in public restrooms now. Howard said that's disgusting. He said he won't share that. Robin said they're similar toilets. She said they're not Toto. Howard said he considers himself an expert with those toilets.
Howard said the secret is to let your asshole become one with the water. He said that's the only way he can describe it. Robin asked about temperature. Howard said it's automatically set. Robin said it's cold at first. Howard said his is warm at first. Robin said her's comes out cold. Howard said he didn't know she had one.
Howard said he's going to come over and coach her on how to use it. Robin said Lisa left to be a life coach and Howard is going to be a toilet coach.
Howard took a call from a fake Jennifer Garner who wanted to thank him for bringing up the Toto. She told Howard about why she appreciates that. Howard said he thinks she's so hot. He let the fake Jennifer go on about that for a short time. Howard tried talking to her about Ben Affleck and why he should have stayed with her. Howard told the caller to go work on the impression. Howard asked if that's what she sounds like. Robin said sort of.
Howard said he is so in love with Beth. He said that he looks at her and he is so turned on. He said that he can't believe that Ben Affleck isn't in love with her. Robin said that Howard has to work over time to make sure Beth is in love with him. Howard said he went to Dr. Jackie's wedding for her. He said he's tooting his own horn right now. He said he loves Dr. Jackie. He said she's a veterinarian who was marrying a wonderful police officer. He said he loves them. Howard said she helps with the animals. He said he looked it up how to say veterinarian and it said ''vet-rin-arian.''
Howard said he loves that horn sound Fred is playing. He said that came from that parade. Howard said he's very famous and he causes an almost riot when he goes out. He said people get crazy when they see him. He said he went to this wedding with Beth and Beth had announced she was going. Howard said she was going to let him be alone at home. He said he didn't want to steal the thunder from the bride at the wedding. He said he turned to Beth and said this wasn't easy but he wants to go with her. He said she had the look of love. He said he was doing something for her. Howard said he's such a great guy. He said someone A-list went out.
Howard said many people think he's B-lst but he's A-list. He said everyone wants him. Robin said that's investing himself into his relationship.
Howard said JD ruined his day with that. JD said he won't send it to him anymore then. Howard said he has to send everything to him.
Gary said there are guys who said they heard JD laughing when he was listening to that clip. JD said he wasn't laughing. Gary said some people think he was laughing when he sent it to Howard. Will said that he was enjoying it. Will said he was the one who said they should pull it. Howard said if people don't know who he is then he's out of a job. He told him to apologize for that. JD said Will is lying about that. He said he didn't laugh. Howard said Will doesn't lie. He said he has kids.
Howard said there are 69 dildos on that throne they had in there. He said they don't know what to do with it now. Robin said there are actually 200 on it. She said she was told how they made it. She said what they did was buy one dildo and used the thing it came in to make a mould of those dildos. Howard said it only cost them 75 cents to make that chair. He said he recommends that you watch that roast when it's up. Gary said it will be up by the end of the day today. Robin asked when the day ends. Howard said Gary's day ends at 1 in the afternoon. He said that should be by 5 o'clock.
Howard said he's going to be honest and the reason it takes so long is that he demands that they edit out his face from the video. He said they will use a shot to block out his face with the microphone when he wants it blocked. Robin said he will never accept himself. Howard said she's right about that. He said she has a good look but he has a problem. He said Robin has had it easy in life. Robin said she walks past a picture of herself and she wonders what happened to that girl.
Howard said Nikki Glaser and Sal got a lot of positive email yesterday. He said that Sal is so stupid but he's so good at that roasting stuff. He said that he's not sure how he can be that fantastic at that. He said he's not sure how he comes up with a joke.
Robin asked if Sal got help with his jokes. Howard said he knows he didn't. He asked Sal if he did. Sal came in and said that he's not low with the IQ. Howard said he's almost retarded. He said he's complementing him though. He said he's fantastic. Sal said he writes 90 percent of it on his own and then he goes through it with the guys in the back. He said that they fine tune it. Howard said he had so many great lines. Sal said he wrote the open casket line on the train on the way into work. Howard said he's so good with that stuff.
Howard said Sal deserves kudos. Fred said his Michael Vick joke was good too. Howard said he was very funny. He said Lisa Lampanelli was looking at him like she should have fucked him. Sal said please don't. Howard said he was very proud of him yesterday. He said not today though. He told him he did a great job.
Howard said Fred came to life too. He said he should be doing puppeteering. He said he was really on fire with that Ronnie impression. Sal said that the best part was when Ronnie learned that Nikki was into anal. Howard said he was in the car with Ronnie after the show and Ronnie was talking about what a good girl she is. Howard said she is very attractive and a great comedian. Howard said no wonder all of these comedians fuck her. He said not everyone is used to seeing that.
Howard said Ronnie was so turned on by Nikki. He said you would have thought he had died and gone to heaven. He said they were carrying on in the car. Sal said his face transformed like the Grinch. He said it was that evil smile. He said he looked like a red Grinch. Howard said Ronnie was really relaxed in the car yesterday. He said it was very odd.
Howard said someone said that Sal is so good that they should fire him. Howard had the caller on the line saying that he's only going to fuck this up. Sal said he'll become a life coach. Howard asked how long he gives Lisa on that. Sal said that's like Benjy being a nutritionist. Howard said there's an article about her in the paper today. He said she's too talented to do that. Robin said she makes thousands of people laugh. She said you can't quit cold turkey like that. Howard said they sucked her back into comedy yesterday. He said she had even meaner stuff to say about Ronnie and she toned it down. Howard said that he wants to hear that stuff. Howard said he's going to keep dragging her back into show business. He said they'll roast Beetlejuice tomorrow. He said Lisa was very complimentary about going out on the roast of Ronnie. He said she's a life coach now and give her a call. Robin said she hasn't even finished the training yet.
Howard said he liked the line about Robin that Ronnie's Mom said. She said that she had a headline for her and said ''You're a cunt.'' Howard said he thought about that line and started giggling last night. He said Beth looked at him like he was out of his mind. He said Robin wasn't offended and he had to tell Beth that.
Howard said it was fabulous yesterday. He said he begged Sirius for 10 years to put out that app so they could do video. He said they actually did it. He said no company has ever listened to him before. Howard said that he loves Jim Meyer. He said that guy makes him feel loved.
Fred did more of his Ronnie puppet. Howard said he loves that puppet. Sal said Shuli was great yesterday too. Howard said he was.
Howard said Sal came through yesterday. He said he thought he was going to have another fuck up. He said Sal is so stupid. He said they were there at Sirius and Mel Karmazin was in the elevator with him. He said Sal said to Mel ''Hello Les Moonves.'' He said he was wondering how he can do that. Sal said he thought Mel was Les. Howard said he doesn't look like that. He said they worked for Mel for 100 years and he didn't know it was Mel. Sal said he sat next to him at the Christmas party. Howard said he was wondering why he gave him such a dirty look. Howard said he's like an idiot savant. Gary said he also thought Dan Rather was Ted Koppel. Howard said Sal is so stupid that they have to lock him in a room so he doesn't say something stupid to their guests. Robin said he said something stupid to Jon Stewart. Sal said that was years ago. Robin said he also said something to Ace Frehley. Sal said maybe. Howard said what he did there was try to get his phone number from the sheets they sign in with.
Howard said he also called Chris Rock the N-word. Sal said that was at a concert. Howard said they have to stay positive. He said that he roasted great yesterday. Robin said this is like a Flowers for Algernon situation.
Howard played a song parody about Sal and his lack of knowledge. Gary said Sal was also upset about the apology tape they played last week. Sal said he's not proud of that. He said they always go to that. He told Gary to go take a nap. Howard said Sal hasn't gone back to being retarded yet. He said that's what that book Flowers for Algernon was like. He said he loses his powers.
Howard read some of the email he got about how great Sal was in the roast. There were a bunch of emails about the roast and how great it was. He said he only got one negative. He said it was from his dad. Sal said he's working on a new game with his dad. He said that will be ready soon.
Howard read more of the email and someone said he can retire now after that roast. Howard had some positive stuff about Nikki Glaser. He had some positive feedback about Lisa Lampanelli too.
Howard said he can't believe he called Mel Les. Sal said he was trying to be affable. He said he spared Robin in the roast yesterday. Robin said she knows. Robin said that's why she told him he did great.
Howard read more about Nikki and Sal. They asked why Sal isn't on more. Howard said has him on just enough.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks he's in love with Nikki Glaser. He said she is right into that ass play. He said it's insane. Howard said when he got home he was thinking about Nikki and her sister. He said he was searching for Nikki and her sister came right up. He said that a ton of people must have been Googling her sister. Robin said now Nikki must be upset. Howard said her sister is beautiful. He said Nikki is too. Sal said she's hot. Howard asked if he's dumping Tan Mom for her. Sal said no way.
Howard said Tan Mom was there recording some stuff and Sal had to leave. He said Tan Mom didn't realize it wasn't Sal. Sal said he came back and it was business as usual. Howard said he never realized it wasn't Sal. He said that plate in her head must really mess with her.
Howard asked the caller if he beat off to Nikki. The caller said he did not. Howard said that Sal did. Sal said he did twice. He said she's so sweet too. He said she's a jackpot. Howard said they're off of that now. He told Sal to calm down.
Sal said he found it odd that Ronnie was really into Nikki shooting shit on the guy she was talking about. Howard said that's not a peasant thing but Ronnie thinks it's an aphrodisiac. He was all worked up about that. Howard asked where he is. He said he heard he was yelling out there already.
Howard asked Ronnie why he's turned on by that shitting thing. Ronnie said that he's not turned off by it. He said whatever happens, happens. He said that you know what you're in for when you go in there.
Howard said Ronnie wore a colorful shirt today and someone said it's salmon colored. Ronnie insists it's orange. Howard said it's not orange. He asked why he got upset about it. Ronnie said it's orange. Howard said it's salmon. Robin said that would be considered Salmon. Howard asked why he would get so upset about it. Ronnie said that he wore it to support Richard for Halloween. He said it's a joke. Sal said that's some joke. Ronnie said that he was the one who called it Salmon. He said he told him to go fuck himself.
Gary said there's another guy there wearing the same color and he says it's salmon. Gary said that's one of the security guys. Ronnie said he just told him it's orange. Howard said no one tells him the truth because he goes ballistic.
Howard asked how he finds t-shirts that match his shirts. Ronnie said he just finds them. He said he likes it that way. Sal said he looks like a piece of lox on a bagel. He said he has an orange t-shirt under the shirt. He said the shirt is a different color. Ronnie said they're the same color.
Howard said the other person who wears the matching shirt and t-shirt is Dean Cain. Howard said that roast was great yesterday. Ronnie said it really was. He said everyone was very positive with their feedback. Howard asked what his favorite joke was yesterday. Ronnie said he can't remember all of them. He said Shuli had some cool shit. He said so did Sal. He said they all did. Howard asked who the best was. Ronnie said there were three. He said it was Sal, Shuli and Nikki. Howard said that Nikki was something. Ronnie let out a funny laugh and said ''Oh man...'' Howard said he turned the color of a pumpkin when he heard that name. Ronnie said she was so great on the show. He said she was talking about how good it feels in her ass. Robin said he can't remember a joke but he remembers everything she said.
Ronnie said this girl was standing there talking about what she loves with anal. He said that was like holy shit. He said that she's worried about shitting on some guy's dick. Howard said Ronnie loves her. Howard said they might need a restraining order. Ronnie said maybe. He said he won't be able to talk to her when she's on the Wrap Up Show anymore.
Howard said Shuli talked to Stephanie about anal and she's not that into it but she does it for him. Ronnie said he's not forcing her into anything. Howard said they don't know that but whatever.
Robin said her favorite part yesterday was Ronnie leaning in and talking to Nikki. She said it was like there was no one else in the room.
Howard took a call from a guy named Dr. Bruce who said what Ronnie has is color blindness. He said he sees color differently. He said he sees salmon as orange. He said everyone else is seeing salmon. Ronnie said maybe they don't know what they're seeing. Sal said they know what they're seeing, an asshole in a salmon shirt. Ronnie said he just wants to see that white ass with brown shit coming out of it on Nikki. Howard said come on.
Howard said they used Ronnie's sex tips to make a phony phone call. He said this was another great job that Sal did. Sal said they do a lot of stuff back there. Ronnie told him to calm down.
Howard read more email about the roast and had some stuff about Ronnie's mom. Howard had some email about everyone in the roast. Howard said they had a lot of stuff going on there. He said people haven't seen Ronnie so happy before. He said they were wondering what to do with that throne. Ronnie said he'll put it in his basement. Howard asked if he could really do that. Ronnie said he doesn't think it would fit down the stairs. Howard said he has an idea. He said he'll keep it in the studio for a while and work it into other bits. He said if they have to cover it up for a guest they can do that. He said it was a throne of cocks. He said only a few people said they sucked yesterday. He said it was just a few.
Howard said someone suggested that chair can be used for George Takei. Howard asked if it was comfortable. Ronnie said it is. He said it's soft. Howard read more email about the roast and said it goes on and on.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who told him how much she loved the roast. She said they need to do more. She wanted to roast Benjy. Howard said no. He said calm down with that.
Robin said it was an incredible day yesterday. She said she wasn't able to find some of the people and she saw Benjy out there. She wondered what to do. Howard said everyone did a great job. He said they'll leave it at that. He said happy birthday to Ronnie too. Ronnie said he appreciates that.
Howard said Sal has pitched a lot of wacky stuff. Sal said he was going to put a sparkler in his ass for the 4th of July. He said he and Richard were going to do that. He said they were going to see who could keep it in there longer. Howard said thank god they banned that.
Gary said Sal and Richard wanted to hang upside down and hold a cup in their mouth and see who could pee in the cup. Howard said he's not opposed to that. He said they have to do it in a certain way and they can't urinate in the studio.
Howard said Sal and Richard were going to wrestle Jon Hein and if he won he'd be able to rape them. Howard said that's wacky. He asked if he was ridiculed for that. Sal said it was pretty bad. He said they were going to be oiled up and they were going to run around him taunting him. Howard said that was a flawed pitch. Sal said it would have been a simulation of fucking. Howard said he doesn't think so.
Sal said he waned to do the heaviest load contest too. Gary said they can't jerk off at work and Sal knows that because he got caught doing it. Howard said Sal wanted to do interviews on a roller coaster. Howard said go explain to Memet how it works. Sal said Memet has great ideas and he's not sure why he has to tell Howard them directly. He said that's just going to piss Howard off. He said he has to pitch it in the meetings.
Howard said that Memet used to work in the same room as Sal and Richard but now it's Steve Nowicki. Sal said Steve is amazing. He said Memet is great too but Memet moved out of their office. Howard said he heard that they were happy because he was so messy. Sal said Memet was messy. Ronnie backed that up. He said he was a slob. Sal said there were papers all over the place. He said he'd leave his wallet and keys all over. Howard said he heard he'd blow his nose and leave the tissue out.
Howard said he has to tell Memet about the pitching. Howard said he locked up the game that Memet was playing. He said he didn't see the balls on the horse. Howard told him to keep his desk clean. Memet said creative people have a hard time. Howard said stop that. Howard said he's working with other people and he has to throw his tissues in the garbage. Memet said he's working on that.
Memet said he just had one idea to pitch to Howard. He said this isn't all the time. He said if he tells him to take his ideas to Will he'll do that. He said he's afraid he's going to hear that he didn't have good ideas. Howard said Sal pitches ideas and he doesn't give a fuck what people think.
Sal gave Memet some advice on pitching. Memet said he has four ideas that Howard will cream himself over. He said he's going to hold on to them instead of giving them to them. Memet said that he's hearing that there's chatter that he won't have any good ideas. Gary said he has to bring them to the meeting. Memet said he loves that he's the guy who is getting Gary to pay attention to the show. Sal asked what he means by that. Memet said Gary is listening to the show when he and Sal are on. Gary said that he's a psychotic creep. He said socially he's a fucking disaster. He said he is not loved there. Howard said he thinks that they like him more now that he's admitted he was a cowboy for the weekend.
Howard said Gary told him something about Memet. Gary said they were talking about his rap on the air last week about how he thinks they're soft and they will follow what people say. Gary said he was asking Memet why it bothers him if someone wants to be known as ''they'' if they want to be. Memet said now they have made up things like Z, Zim and Zer. He said people are getting fired for not using them. Howard asked why it bothers him. Memet said it doesn't affect him. Howard said if someone wants to be called a Zim then just do it. Memet said he would.
Gary asked what about a guy who is named Adrian who wants to be called Memet. Memet said both of those are on his birth certificate. He said he wouldn't want anyone to be fired for not calling him Memet. Howard said that it's the same thing to be called Memet instead of Adrian as it is to want to be called Zim. Robin said you just do it to work at the place that wants you to call that person Zim. Memet said he wants to be called Z now then.
Howard said that Memet said he named his horse the name of his girlfriend and he doesn't believe that. Memet said he didn't want to get into this thing with the girl on the air because he was afraid of ruining what he has. He said he told her that yesterday and she thought it was sweet. Howard said he told her that his male horse has her name and she was fine with it. Memet said she was.
Memet said he's really excited about these ideas and he hopes they're taken seriously. Howard said he's making too big a deal out of them. Sal said give them one right now. Memet said he wants to pitch them all. Memet said he can't do it with everyone staring at him. Robin said she's not staring at him. Howard said just write down his ideas and pitch them in the meetings. Memet said he'll do that tomorrow. He said all four will be green lit. Howard asked if he needs a safe space to pitch. Gary said that's what he's saying. Memet said he doesn't want people to say his ideas suck ahead of time. Gary said that's how offices work. He said there is a hierarchy at work.
Howard said there are guys who work on Saturday Night Live who pitch ideas. He said Pete Davidson was saying that he's not real good in pitch meetings but he does it. He said that's a difficult part of the job. He said that was nice of him to come in and talk about that. He said everyone who works in writing has to do that. He said they don't get special time alone with Lorne. He said they all do it in the pitch meeting. Memet said everyone is getting on his case and in this one case he wanted to do it differently.
Howard asked if Memet is going to be a cowboy over the weekend. Memet said probably. He said he was yesterday. Howard asked what he did. Memet said he was riding through the swamps of Louisiana yesterday. He said the year is 1899 and he was doing that. He said he went out for a normal ride yesterday. Fred played Bon Jovi's ''Wanted Dead or Alive'' as the was talking about that. Memet said he has made himself one of the last living outlaws.
Howard had Memet's inner voice on the phone. He was rambling about all kinds of shit he wanted Howard to do with him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said no one gives a shit about Memet and she's not sure how she can hate him even more every time he comes on the air. She said he's the biggest twat there and Benjy works there. Memet took that as someone who actually loves him on the show.
Howard said he likes Memet. He said he's just a little confused about how things work there. Memet said he wishes that his haters would know about his ideas. Howard said he can pitch one right now. Memet told the caller, Jen, to just listen to this. He said pretend you don't know him. Howard said pretend you don't know he's a cowboy.
Memet said this is his big one. He said he's trying to think big for the show. He said he knows he's a very popular person on the show. He said he gets people talking a lot. He said the emails he gets are people who want to beat him up or punch him. He said they get $100,000 and they let a fan try to completely kick his ass. Howard didn't say anything but Memet said he's done. Howard said he didn't say anything. Jen asked who is going to come up with the money. Memet said that the fan tries to kick his ass and maybe Welch's comes up with the money. He said it would be some kind of fight. Gary said it sounds like a way for Memet to make a hundred grand. Memet said the fan gets the pleasure of trying to kick his ass. He said he thinks a lot of people think they could do it.
Jen said she's trying to follow along and how the money comes into it. Howard said he's thinking about doing a bit where Emily Ratajkowski blows him for a hundred grand.
Gary said it's not a terrible ideas but they've done it before. He said they did fights with Stuttering John and Cabbie and others. Gary said it has to be someone who is known on the show. He said they have to be invested in both of you. Howard said he's not sure why they'd give him a hundred grand. Memet said he's putting his reputation on the line for the show.
Howard said his idea is to not bring that ideas to the writer's meeting. He said he doesn't have a clue what to do with that. Howard said he likes that his first idea was going to cost $100,000. Gary said his ideas shouldn't benefit Memet. He asked what his next one is. Howard said hold off on that. He said he's done with this for now.
Howard asked if Ronnie likes this idea. Ronnie said that he doesn't get why he'd get the money either way. Howard said his problem is that Richard and Sal come in and don't ask for an extra dime. He said they're contributing to the show without asking for $100,000. Robin asked why it's exciting to see him get that money. Sal said Memet's horse just jumped off a cliff.
Howard took a call from the head of Welch's who was all worked up saying they're going to pound it like they pound out their grapes. He said he loves the smell of blood and piss.
Howard told Memet not to send him any more letters. He said he has to just pitch his ideas in the meetings. He said that's his job. He said he wants him to feel free to do that. He said he wants him and his horse to know one thing. He said he appreciates him. He said if he works there he thinks he's top tier. He said there are no charity jobs there. He said Ronnie is there because he's reliable. He said that they have to generate 112 shows a year. He said each one is 4 hours. He said they have to fill those shows with ideas. He said that he can pitch any ideas he has. He said he'd have Hitler on the staff if he had ideas to pitch.
Memet asked if he can look at his ideas and report back to him. Howard said he can't do that. He said he has to let everyone feel free to pitch whatever they want to pitch. He said they can scale things back or forward and the can make it work for the show. He said he turned to Fred and told him that he wanted every shitty thought in his head when he started working with him. He said there were some really shitty ideas that came out but he wanted to hear them all. Memet said he's sure that he'll hear his 3 ideas and he'll want to tell everyone.
Gary said it's so funny that he's telling Howard how to think. Howard said he's going to make sure that he succeeds. Memet said he's team Stern Show. He said he wants to make the show great.
Sal said that he has pitched ideas for the show. He said they came up with the idea to have Tan Mom catch them blowing each other. He said the original thought was having Richard fucking him in the ass. He said they changed it up and it became huge. Howard said this is the finesse of the show. He said there's team work.
Memet said he's a tiny island in an ocean of haters. Howard asked Will if he likes Memet. Will said he's one of the few who actually loves Memet.
Howard took a call from Memet's horse and talked to him for a short time. He found out the horse does not love him.
Memet said he's bummed that he doesn't like his first idea. Memet said he shouldn't have pitched his biggest one. Howard said he shouldn't have picked one that pays him $100,000. Sal said that they just pitch everything and you just go with what works. Memet said there are a lot of people in that room that don't want his ideas to work.
Will came in and said that he thinks they're all open to any idea no matter where it comes from. He said there is no one there who is trying to stop him. Howard said clean slate now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they should lock this guy up because he's wacky. Howard took another call from one of the guys in the back who was playing the part of a Memet supporter. He pitched the idea of changing nothing because he's the best. He said he'd do anything for Memet. He said that his girlfriend isn't going to leave him because he's not losing his hair. He said he wants to be his horse. He said he wants 24 hours a day of Memet. He said Howard sucks and he just wants Memet. He said fuck everyone, Memet is the best. Howard let him go after that.
Memet said he was set up to fail in there. Howard asked if this is shtick. Will said he thinks he's embellishing. He said that Memet isn't a stupid person and he can't think that idea was great. Memet said he knows that he knew they were all going to hate his ideas. Howard said he pitches things to Will and even Will tells him that they're not great ideas. He said that they can work together to make the bits work. Sal said that they could beat the shit out of Memet for free.
Howard said Memet works there because he's talented. He said that he's hearing that from the boss. He said feel free to pitch ideas. He said some people will think his ideas are shitty. He said when he started in radio people thought that his ideas were shit. He said that's what he has to deal with. Memet said Will is the only one smart enough for this and even he's turning on him.
Howard said he's going to give him something he needs. Ronnie said a punch in the face. Howard said stop getting embarrassed now. He said he cares about him and he knows that's true. Memet said he's not going to make him cry again. He said he's dead inside. Howard said he was concerned about him and he values him. He said he helps him. He said he is there to make the show good. Memet said and he does. Howard said his true reason having him there is because he wants the best there. He said he has been there for years. He said like his horse he likes him. Memet thanked him. He said he's not going to cry though. Howard said people will think some ideas are good and some aren't. Memet said he's the only friend he has there. Howard said this is business.
Memet asked Robin to say one thing nice about him. Robin said she likes him. Memet said he likes her too. Howard said just because they don't like his ideas doesn't mean they don't like him. Howard said just do your job and go out there for the coach. Memet said he does. Fred said he thinks that Memet just has to listen. Howard asked what he just said. Memet said he said he's great and keep it up.
Will asked for one idea that he has pitched that was turned down. Howard said they don't want to get into negative stuff. Memet said that Will asked for ideas last week and there were crickets. He said he's going to bring his stuff into that meeting this week. Howard said just re-pitch his ideas of the fight. He said if you can't handle the heat then what. Memet said get out of the kitchen. He said no one is more comfortable in the kitchen than he is.
Will said if there is a way for Memet to get punched in the face he's sure the writers will come up with something. Howard said that they will figure out something. Memet said he's his only advocate there. Howard said his paycheck is his advocate. Robin said he's constantly discounting that.
Hard asked what's going on there. Gary said Richard wants to know how much it would cost to slap him in the face with his cock. Howard said do that right now. Gary said Richard has $43 in his wallet right now. Memet wasn't going for it. Sal said he'll do it for $41.
Howard said any time you pitch you're doing a great job. Richard came in and said he has $44 in his pocket. Everyone threw in more money and came up with over $500 to have Richard slap him in the face with his cock. Memet said if it's $5,000 by the end of the day he'll do it. Howard said just do it for the $543. Howard asked Memet if he's up for it. A few more people threw money at him and it was over $700.
Howard said Benjy said he'd do it for free. Memet said that people are so jealous there. He was going into a big explanation for that and Howard cut him off. Howard said he has pissed off JD who wants to say something.
JD came in and said that there's a lot of arrogance there. He said that no one is jealous of him there. Memet said that's fine. JD said he doesn't need money to do this thing. Memet asked if he acts like an arrogant person. JD said he does. He said he's putting himself on this pedestal. Memet said he's got great ideas. JD said he wanted this. Memet said he wanted an honest hearing of ideas. Howard said just pitch it in the meeting. Memet said he thought he could come on the air and pitch them and he'd get an honest reaction. JD said he knows how the show works and they all goof on you no matter what. He asked how he didn't know that was going to happen. Howard said he's making sense. Richard said he hasn't mumbled once. He was sitting in that cock throne.
Howard said he's been on the air for 2 hours and hasn't taken one break. Memet said that's Gary asleep at the wheel. Howard said he has to take a break. Richard asked if he can slap him in the face with his dick. Memet said he wants 5 grand for that. Gary said Benjy will do it for free.
Benjy came in and said that he knows this is a great movement. He said he knows that this is a great moment on the show. He said if Memet wants to do it he can do it so he doesn't steal it. He said he knows this is going to be a funny, beautiful moment that will live on forever. He said he knows he seems he's trying to egg him into it but he's happy to do it. Howard told Benjy to show him how it's done. He said just sit where you want to sit and do it. Benjy sat in the cock chair to do this.
Richard got on Benjy's side and Benjy asked if he has any diseases. Benjy said he can smell it. Richard went up and smacked Benjy in the face with his cock. Benjy said he really can smell it. Richard was starting to get hard. Howard said this was a great bit. He said Benjy just proved that pitching an idea can lead to great things. Memet said he started this whole thing. Howard said look at Benjy so triumphant. Benjy ended up holding Richard's cock. Howard asked what just happened. Richard said he put his cock in his hand and he was being nice to it. Benjy was cracking up and said he just hasn't been on the show in a long time. He held his cock again. Benjy said whenever he wants to talk this will be like his microphone. Howard said he has to put his dick down. Gary said that his dick got hard. Benjy was cracking up. Howard said his dick is getting hard. Richard said Benjy has nice hands. Memet said he started it off and he says ''go team'' now.
Howard said Memet is a special boy. Memet said he makes it sound like he's retarded. Howard said they have a throne in there and Benjy sat in it and took a cock to the face and then grabbed Richard's cock. He asked if that makes him gay. Benjy said he knows it's funny. He said he did it for the air. Howard said they're going to go to break now.
Howard said that he hopes that Lisa Lampanelli can come in there and do more roasts in the future. He said he hopes that she'll keep her hand in show business a little bit. He said he hopes she'll continue to roast at least. Robin said she hopes so. Howard said they love everyone. She said they're all in love.
Howard said Benjy came right in and sat down and Richard slapped his cock into his face and then Benjy grabbed Richard's cock. He asked Fred what they just saw. Fred said he's baffled. He said he thinks they stepped right over that line drawn in the sand. Howard said Gary was trying to usher Benjy out of there. He said he just did it. He said Sal got upset. He said Sal has held his cock before and he doesn't get hard. He said he was insulted. He said the whole thing was weird. Howard asked if they think he straightened out Memet. Robin said she doesn't think so.
Howard said he's a little bit behind and he wanted to play a phony phone call. He said they have made a Halloween themed call. He said they have others that they picked for their top 3. He said the first one is Richard calling a political show and talking about Fred the Ripper. Howard played that call and Richard called in with sound effects like he was being attacked by a Michael Myers like character.
Howard said that's one of his favorite Halloween themed bits. Howard said in this next one he has a Jack and Rod Show bit where they talked to an author about their book and they had Freddy Krueger in studio with them. Freddy was played by Wendy the Slow Adult. Howard played that bit where they messed with that author. She ended up hanging up.
Howard said the next one is probably their most ambitious Halloween call. He said they had Caitlyn Jenner call a religious show and say that she's being haunted by her penis. Howard played that next and they had fake Caitlyn Jenner claiming that she was being haunted by a family member which turned out to be her cock.
Howard said that was a good one. He said now to bring in this year's Halloween they have another call that they featured Ronnie in. He said this is another Jack and Rod show where they have a sex expert on the phone and then their own sex expert comes in. Howard played the Jack and Rod Show bit where they talked to this author about his book and then brought in ''Ronnie Mundster.'' Ronnie had some sex tips for the guy on the phone. The caller said that he thinks he was humiliated by his mom and that's where these things come from. They went to break after playing that.
Howard came back and said he loves the Music Radio bits. He took a call from a woman who said she was calling to encourage him to look into studies about vaccines. She said she has her kids vaccinated and there are zero safety studies about vaccines. She said they're injecting you with poison. Howard said he got a flu shot too. The caller, Jen, said she's not anti-vaccine. She said she just wishes they would do safety studies.
Howard said she's referring to his shingles vaccine. He said people suffer from shingles. He said that this vaccine is 90 percent effective. He said he got the two shots he needed and he got ill from it. He said he'd rather be ill for two days than get shingles. Howard said if he had grown a third testicle he wouldn't care. He said he's seen people with shingles. Howard said Beth had them and she was really uncomfortable. He said he's all for the flu shot too. He said he used to be like her thinking he didn't want to be made sick. He said you look back in history and thank god for these vaccines. He said they got rid of Polio. He said polio was awful. The caller told him to just read a little bit. Howard said he does read. He said he is now getting as many vaccines as he can. He said he doesn't like the parents who say they're not getting vaccines because there is no polio but they're fucking it up for other people.
Jen said there are zero safety studies about what they inject into you. Howard said he doesn't know about that. He said he's going to get her a full vaccine about bullshit. He told Jen to stop reading the internet. He said god bless medical science.
Howard asked what she's talking about. Robin said she wants safety studies. Howard said he'll call President Trump and ask him to look into it. Jen said that would be great.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who has had every vaccine. He picked up on Gary the Conqueror. Howard said the vaccines haven't affected him at all. Gary let out a nasty cough and then laughed.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this lady is a dumb bitch. He said she probably thinks the earth is flat too. Howard said the internet is a dangerous place. He said the flat earthers found each other on the internet. He said they're crazy people. Howard said they've all banded together. He asked where we are as a country when people think the earth is flat. He said this is the type of mentality we're dealing with. Howard said the whole world has gone nuts.
Howard said the idea that the people at the temple should have hired a security guard is nuts. He said it costs a lot of money to do that. He said you have to hire an ex-cop who is trained enough to do this. He said he'd have to be trained enough to stop a guy with several weapons. He said there are a lot of ifs in that scenario. He said you'd have to hire more than one. He asked who is going to pay for that, the federal government? He said then you have people backing Trump saying everyone should carry a gun. He said you can't do that in New York. He said not everyone can afford to train properly either. He said that you have to be trained to carry a gun. He said this idea is ridiculous. He said not everyone can carry. He said you can't even get a license in most states.
Howard said we're in a quagmire right now. He said that there is no money to pay people to protect everyone in a church. He said you have to let people own guns to protect themselves. He said the cops don't have enough bullets to practice with. He said you have to train once or twice a week and that's a couple thousand rounds. He said instead of sending the military to the border how about sending them to temples and churches. He said we have a real problem on our hands.
Howard said he has an expert on the phone about vaccines. He said it's Alex Jones. He had fake Alex on the line going on and on about the vaccines and how he thinks they cause homosexuality. Fake Alex got in some commercials for the crazy products he promotes.
Howard said that he used to sell this stuff on his show. He asked if they're his last outlet. Alex kept going on and on about the vaccine stuff. Howard asked why they would take him off the air. He said this is great radio. Alex said that they took him off because he said Sandy Hook never happened. He said he just looked at it from all angles.
Howard asked if that helped Greg the caller. Greg asked if he has any special offer coupons. Alex played himself off with Neil Young's ''Rockin' in the Free World.'' Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after letting Greg go.
Mariann asked if Memet planned out that whole bit earlier. Howard said who knows. Mariann said they have to talk about Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith and their talk show. Howard said they have a show on Facebook. Robin said she was going to talk about this. Robin said they get blurbs of headlines that they talk about. Howard said their daughter Willow is a good looking kid. Mariann said he has to watch because Will appears to be cow towing to her. Howard hung up on her. He said he can't get a word in.
Howard said Jada looks good. He asked how old she is. Fred said she's 47. Robin said she thinks she's lying about her age. Howard said the kids are good looking. He said Will has bulked up too. He said he got jacked up somehow. Howard said he's unable to make that happen with his body. He said they have to be taking some kind of enhancement. He said it can't be protein powder. He said he used that and it didn't do anything but turn his urine a different color.
Robin said she has some clips from their show to play. Howard played a clip where Will and Jada talked about how they have never been swingers or Scientologists. Robin had a clip of Will and Jada talking about how they don't consider themselves married anymore. They have a life time relationship. Will said whatever she needs she can count on him for life. Howard said he and Beth don't talk about this stuff. He said they're real thinkers.
Robin said there was a clip where they were talking about how Jada might be in the house with one person and Will might be in the other part of the house with another person. JD came in and explained what they were talking about and didn't make things any clearer. Howard asked how you get on that show. He said he may have to go on. He said no one knows what the fuck those two are talking about. JD said they like to be private. Robin said they're having a show about themselves on the internet. Howard said he's not sure what they're saying. He said those two are way wild. He said he thinks they want to fuck other people but they're not sure how to do it. Robin said they both want to be with other people.
Howard said maybe their minds are married but their bodies are divorced. Robin said they did split up once. Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing clips of Bigfoot to explain the whole thing.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said they're saying that they're bored in their marriage so they're playing these games. He said if you're happy in your marriage then you don't even think about this stuff. Howard said he may be speaking the truth here. Robin said they already figured that out. She said he's not saying anything new. Howard said give the guy his moment. He said this guy gets shit on every time he calls in. King said give him a cracker. Howard said give him a crumb.
King said he ate a whole sleeve of Ritz crackers and sharp cheese. Howard asked if there's anything better than a cracker with cheese on it. He asked what he drinks with that. King said a peach diet Snapple. He said it's heaven.
Howard said he had pizza the other night. He said that was great because he hasn't had one in a long time. He said that Ronnie told him about a place near his apartment and it was good. He said there were two slices left over.
King said that if you're thinking about being with another woman then you don't like that woman anymore. He said you have to like her to fuck her. Gary said that Brent is saying that's 100 percent not true. Brent said it doesn't mean you don't want to be with that woman. Howard said it means you don't want a traditional marriage. He said one person may be pushing for it more than the other. Brent said it might be true in some cases but not in his case.
Howard said speaking of pizza he saw Oprah selling pizza. Robin said that's Weight Watchers. She said Oprah likes bread and she's not going to let that go. Howard said he saw the commercial and they say the dough is made of cauliflower. He said Oprah is worth like 2.6 billion now. He said he thinks if he started to sell that stuff he could make a lot of money. He said he's always prided himself on not selling stuff like that. He said he could sell a shirt or food. He said he could have started his own TV network too. He asked how much is enough. He said Oprah gets to break all the rules. He said she's even on 60 Minutes being a journalist. Howard said he could have cleaned up with Howard Stern cereal. He said it was like a thick oatmeal. He said he could sell wet wipes to clean your asshole. He said he gets resentful over Oprah selling pizza. He said she just has to stop it. Robin said all he has to do is look at himself in the mirror. She said he has to be pleased with himself.
Howard took another call from Mariann who said that Jada and Will go on separate vacations. Howard said he knows a lot of couples who can't stand each other and they go off on their own vacations. He said then they get real old and they get back together. Robin said they don't want to split their fortune. Mariann said she's right about that.
Mariann also brought up Gayle King and the shows she's gotten. Howard said Gayle has credibility. He said she was an anchorwoman in Hartford. He said she became friendly with Oprah back when they were in Baltimore. He said they were at the same level at the time. He said their friendship continued and blossomed. Mariann said she didn't know that. Howard said he likes Gayle King. He said she's a classy woman. He said he can see why Oprah likes her so much. He said he thinks she lost some credibility being so close to Oprah. Howard said Gayle is the editor of Oprah Magazine too.
Howard said if it were his world he would rather have Gayle King pizza over Oprah Pizza. Mariann said she wants Howard pizza. Howard hung up on her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the pizza that Oprah is selling has more calories than the stuff you buy in stores. Howard said you don't need Oprah pizza. He said she's still heavy. He said the best product would be a rope you tie around your mouth to keep you from eating.
Howard said he doesn't buy these pizzas. He said he eats real pizza but he doesn't eat 50 slices. He said just don't eat so much. He said have 2 or 3 slices and skip dessert. He said have some salad and you'll be fine.
Robin asked if he thinks Oprah is eating Weight Watchers pizza. Howard said he does not. He joked about coming up with Fred Norris popcorn but he stopped himself from selling it. He said most news people aren't allowed to endorse products but they let Oprah do it. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard said maybe he was wrong and he should just sell everything. Robin said just do what's right for you and stop carrying on about what other people are up to. She said it's not his business. Howard said he feels it is his business. He said his agent told him he doesn't want to be that guy who sells everything. He said he must know something because he did want to sell stuff. He said he was probably right. Robin said people have started whole companies based on t-shirts. Robin said Paul Newman has a ton of products but they give money to charity.
Howard said you never see that Stedman anywhere. He said that guy stays out of the spotlight. Howard said he cold have sold a lot of stuff. He said he's the one guy who has integrity.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk and asked if he admires that about him. Jeff said he does. Jeff said he hasn't been so good. He said he had to go to the E.R. yesterday. Howard said that makes sense. He doesn't take care of himself. He said he's surprised when he's not in the E.R.. Jeff said his chest got really achy. He said the next day he had two murmurs in his heart. He said he felt it flutter. Robin said that's not a murmur.
Howard asked what happened next. He said he must have cleaned up his life and stopped smoking and drinking. Jeff said he called his cardiologist and asked for an appointment. Jeff said he set it up and he doesn't drive so he called the transportation people but they weren't able to do it. He said then he called the nurse and they said they need a doctor's permission. Howard said he has to interrupt this. He said this is the greatest country in the world. He said this guy is getting all of this stuff for free. Robin said he's complaining about all of this.
Jeff explained that he was waiting for this service to pick him up. He said they didn't come. He said he was waiting for them. Howard said he thinks they have to cut him off. Howard said he has to cut it short. Jeff said he called up the place and they said they can't bring him. Jeff said he had to call 911 to take him. Howard said good. He said guys like him they find dead after 3 weeks. He asked who is sending him a car.
Howard asked who sent the car. Jeff said no one came. Howard said how about walking there. Howard asked how his heart is. Jeff said don't give him heartburn. Jeff said he had to go in an ambulance. He said they brought him to Albany Med.
Howard said great story Jeff. Jeff said he thinks that Richard might have got hard when Benjy grabbed his cock because maybe he's grabbed it before.
Gary said Jeff dyed his hair red. Howard said he saw that. He said that's what the Joker should look like. He said that's the kind of guy who should be playing the Joker, not Jared Leto. They played a song parody about Jeff the Drunk before moving on to the news.
Robin started off with a story about the hottest game out right now called Red Dead Redemption 2. Robin said it had a bigger opening than any game in the history of games. Howard said that's what Memet has been playing. Robin said it brought in $725 million. Robin said Rockstar Games is the maker of the game. Howard said maybe they should buy stock in that company. He said maybe he should try that game. He said maybe he'd like it. Howard asked what Memet plays in it. Robin said he plays a bad cowboy. Howard said maybe he should be one too. Memet got on Gary's microphone and said he's a bad cowboy. Everyone laughed. Howard asked if he should play a good one or a bad one. Memet said it's more fun to be a bad one.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he would sell his house just to punch Memet in the face. Memet said that might bring in the money that they need. Memet was ready to do it.
Robin said the tallest statue in the world is in Western India. Robin said they just built one that's 600 feet tall. Robin said it's twice the size of the Statue of Liberty. Robin said they spent $430 million to build it. Howard said Robin went to India and turned right around and came home because it was so horrible there. Howard asked what they were thinking. Robin said they want tourist attractions.
Howard read a story about Kid Rock doing some shows in Atlantic City and he went out to party one evening and they were upset that the restaurant they went to had a private room that was already taken. Robin said they were taken to another area. Robin said Kid Rock went and ordered room service and waited for over 2 hours and nothing came. Robin said he ordered a helicopter and just left town. He didn't do his second show there. Robin said that he claims he was ill. Howard said he'll believe his side of the story then.
Howard said he started watching Jonah Hill's new movie and he's liking it. He said he got some people in trouble. He told Jonah that he didn't get the movie but it turns out they had sent it over. He said he stepped in and took care of that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said it's Halloween but there are more monsters out there in the real world. Robin said there's a guy who was going to kill and eat a little girl. He posted an ad on the dark web. Robin said this guy was 21 years old and lived in Texas. Robin said he was arrested for conspiracy to commit capital murder. Robin said that the guy was set up by an under cover law enforcement agent.
That led to them talking about Whitey Bulger getting killed in jail yesterday. Robin said he was just transferred when he got killed. Howard said he read that someone filled up a sock and beat him over the head with it. He wondered how that happens. He said there must not be supervision there. He said they claim that an ex-Mafia hit man did it. Robin said they had ties to the mob in some way. Howard asked how they maintain order up there. Howard said Whitey was in a wheelchair and they beat him with a padlock in a sock. He said he doesn't give a shit about the guy but that's something. Robin said he was on the run for many years so he was just bait. Howard said one of the guards claimed he was a ''good cowboy'' in a game. Howard said he's the third inmate to die in that prison this year. Robin said they should have had some extra precautions up there then. Robin wondered why he was transferred anyway. Howard said he's not crying for Whitey but he's wondering how that all goes down. He said it must be like the movies.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his George Takei sounds while music played. Howard said he hasn't called in since the spring. He said maybe he got in trouble with his parents again. Sour wasn't talking. He was just making sounds. He said he hasn't been on the air for 4 months and that's all he came up with. He said he'll take it though.
Robin read a story about how they're warning kids not to go to houses that have the lights out or anything like that. Robin said Halloween used to be so much simpler and safer. Robin had some tips from a police officer who was giving advice on what kids should be doing. Robin had a couple of clips for Howard to play. There were tips on avoiding eating pot laced candy and things like that. Robin had a clip of a woman talking about how to get rid of ghosts in your house.
Robin said there are so many horrible stories out there that they could talk about. She said now the president is saying he's thinking about ending birthright citizenship. Robin said that's where they say if you're born in this country then you are a United States citizen. Robin said he may try to end the 14th amendment with an executive order. Robin had some audio of Mike Pence explaining why he's for this idea.
Robin read a story about how there are political ads showing people who appear to be Jewish and holding money and running it through their fingers joyfully. Robin had some audio clips of someone talking about those ads.
Robin read a story about how the bomber Cesar Sayoc and how he used to be a pizza delivery guy and he would use that van with the stickers all over the windows to deliver the pizza. Howard said Fred is dressed like that guy today. He said he's in a pizza cap. Robin said they asked the guy who ran the pizza place why he didn't fire him because he used to make nasty comments to people. Robin said the woman was a lesbian and he would tell her that she was god's mistake and she'd burn in hell. Robin said the woman said they didn't have a big selection of people because they're a small shop. Howard said they say they made him park far away from the houses when he delivered the pizza. Robin said he claimed to be white but he was mixed ethnicity. Robin said he wanted to go back to Hitler days.
Robin read a story about Pharrell Williams taking legal action against President Trump for using his song. Robin had his song ''Happy'' for Howard to play. Robin said he's not happy that he's been using his song at his rallies.
Howard said JD was a pizza delivery man. JD said he delivered for a restaurant but not pizza. He said that he didn't make a lot of money. He said he got minimum wage plus tips. Howard said Gary used to delivery chicken to Roosevelt. Gary said he went to Roosevelt at midnight and he was too stupid to be scared. He said he didn't make very good money doing that. He said he had to pay for his own gas so it wasn't that good. He said people were shitty tippers. Gary said he was surprised he was never robbed. He said he only did it for 2 months. Robin read more about what Pharrell's lawyers are saying about the situation.
Robin said that Kanye West was encouraging people to join the republican party but now he's taking it back and distancing himself from politics. Robin said he claims he's been used and they're using his name to spread stories that he doesn't agree with. Robin said he realizes now that he was being fed some things that weren't on the up and up. Robin said he's just focusing on being creative now. Howard said he seems to be changing constantly.
Robin read a story about Michelle Obama kicking off her book tour in Chicago on November 13th. Robin said Oprah will interview Michelle when she kicks off the book store. Robin said she's going to places like Madison Square Garden to sign books. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am
Today's show was over around 11:05am.