Howard and the guys were back live this morning. Howard started the show talking about getting fired up from his opening song. He said Jimmy Kimmel is in today. He told Robin to look at that. Howard asked why Fred turned down the music. Fred said it was an accident. Howard said Jimmy is there doing his yearly trip to Brooklyn. He said he was raised in Brooklyn somehow. He said that's what he claims. Jimmy said he moved to Las Vegas in the 4th grade. Howard said he asked him the other day if moving the show to Brooklyn if more people watch. Jimmy said they do. He said they're special shows. He said they work harder on this than the regular shows. Howard asked why. Jimmy said he's not sure why.
Howard said they used to do the Las Vegas shows and they claimed the ratings would go up. He said it's a big pain in the ass to move the show. He said the show is better there in New York though. Jimmy said it's different in radio. He said it's big for TV but radio you're still just hearing voices.
Howard said Jimmy is going to be leaving to do the Kelly and Regis show. Jimmy said he thinks Regis is gone. Howard said he saw him the other day. He said he lives in his building. He said he and his wife Joy are there occasionally. He said he saw him and he felt bad. He said he felt good and bad. He said he felt bad because Regis lost his show. He asked Fred when he's going to kill that song slowly. Fred said it seemed like it was a good idea to let it go. He said he had 12 seconds to go. Howard said he's fired. Jimmy said he doesn't want to be there when that happens. Howard said Fred has a job for life. Jimmy said that he should have 2 salaries.
Howard said he felt bad for Regis because he used to have a show. He said now he doesn't have a show because he got old. He said that's the only reason. Jimmy said he loved doing that show. He never would have retired. Howard said he doesn't care how many press releases ABC puts out, he aged out. He said they pushed him out of the tribe. He said it was his show.
Howard asked Jimmy if he would go back to ABC and stick up for Regis. Jimmy said he thinks that ship has sailed. Howard said Regis said to him that he never really listened to his show and then he listened for 3 hours in the car and he was hooked. He said Regis said he gets the show now. He said that's kind of cool. He said he's part of Stern Nation.
Jimmy said maybe Regis could be their announcer if George Takei never comes back. Howard said they reached out to him and he is coming back. Gary said he may have put that off. He said an article came out last week and it may have put him off to it for a while. Howard said that's too bad.
Howard said there's so much to talk about. He said he feels like they don't have enough time to do it. He said Jimmy has to go do the Kelly Ripa show. He said that they have concentrated time and they don't have a lot of time with Jimble Kimble.
Jimmy said they went out to dinner on Saturday. He said that some guy said that they knew him and called him David Letterman. Howard asked if that bothers him. Jimmy said not at all. He said he's been on TV for 16 years and someone called him David Letterman. He said it's a good reminder that you're not that important.
Howard said Jimmy was telling him his work schedule. He said he has 2 younger kids and 2 older kids. He said he's working hard and sacrificing so much of his life and he gets out of a car and people think he's David Letterman. Jimmy said he always wanted to be David Letterman so that's fine.
Howard said that Jimmy has been on TV a long time and he's the elder statesman of TV at this point. He said he heard he has his wife and Cousin Sal there in the green room. Jimmy said they have the whole staff there. He said that everyone wanted to come. He said he has his brother there and some of the staff. He said he has a former intern of Howard's there too.
Howard asked why Ronnie is his favorite staff member on the show. Jimmy said there are a few things. He said there's no one like Ronnie. He said he's the only one. He said he's so honest and you'd never expect that from a man of his type. Howard asked if he was shocked that he puts stuff in his ass. Jimmy said most people wouldn't admit that. He said that he's like a modern day Dr. Ruth.
Jimmy said another thing he likes is when Ronnie gets mad at you he answers you before you're done asking a question. Howard said Fred's impression of Ronnie is great too.
Jimmy said that the impressions on the show don't really sound like the people but they really are like them. He said Ronnie sounds the most like Ronnie. Howard said he likes talking about this.
Howard said Jimmy revealed something at dinner the other night. He asked if that was a result of Ronnie's openness. Jimmy said it was Howard's openness. He said Howard was talking about the Brett Kavanaugh thing where he admitted he was masturbating during the testimony. Howard said he turned off the TV. He said he was disgusted by the way the senators were talking to Dr. Ford. He said he was so disgusted that he went up and masturbated. He said he was watching step mothers masturbating their sons. He said he was feeling bad for the fathers and feeling bad about the whole Kavanaugh situation. He said that primal urge never goes away.
Jimmy said that his wife told him not to tell that story. He said she claims she's never heard the story. He said that it was the Man Show. He said he was making edit notes on the show. He said they shot a bit with Household Hits with porn stars and he had a very long reel and it was very sexual. He said he was in his late 20s at the time. He said at that time his imagination still worked. He said he was watching this and started masturbating. He said he was in his office at the time. He said he was doing that in his office and closed his eyes and then heard his ex-wife asking if he was masturbating to Adam. He said he opened his eyes and the next scene was Adam at the Hardware store. He said she caught him masturbating to Adam. He said he tried to explain it but she was running to go tell her friends that she caught him masturbating.
Howard asked if he saw the humor in it. Jimmy said it was immediately funny. He said he was very ashamed though. Howard said that's so embarrassing. He said he knew if his mother caught him it would have been so embarrassing. He said he had such a military operation when he masturbated. He said he learned to jack off like a jack rabbit. He said he could sneak into the bathroom and get it done and go to bed.
Jimmy said he's pretty careful. He said he wonders how many times he's done it and how many languages he could have learned or how many instruments he could have learned. Robin asked why they spent so much time doing it. Howard said he wasn't an excessive masturbator. He said he knew a guy who did it 5-6 times a day. He said he thinks he was just normal.
Howard said has so much trouble thinking of Jimmy as sexual. He said he thinks of him as being cerebral. He said he can't tell with him. Jimmy said when he was around 15 years old he was masturbating without lube. He said that he started going to bed earlier and earlier so he could do it before going to sleep. He said he's been caught doing it like 4 times in his life. Howard said Molly caught him 2 times already. Jimmy said he has a hard time covering up.
Howard said he went home and said he has to talk to Jimmy about masturbating. He said every time Adam is on TV. Howard asked if he's still in touch with Dr. Drew. Jimmy said they keep in touch. He said he sees Adam maybe once a month. Howard asked if he thinks Adam is jealous of him. Jimmy said he doesn't think so at all. Howard said Adam is one of the funniest guys but Jimmy's career has sky rocketed. Howard asked if he is his Brian Dunkleman. Jimmy said not at all. He said Adam is doing very well. He said he works like a maniac and Adam doesn't want to do that. He said he's interested in his cars and stuff.
Howard said he knows that he's not his best friend anymore but who is. Jimmy mentioned Molly sand Howard said he has to have her in there to talk about catching him masturbating. Howard said Beth will never catch him. He said he can say that with certainty. He said he convinces her that he doesn't even do that. Howard asked if Molly knows when he takes a dump. Jimmy said he has to talk about it after if he's done a good one. Howard asked if he goes off and disappears. Jimmy said he isn't that ashamed of it. Howard said he's so ashamed. He said he doesn't want to shit in front of Beth. He doesn't want her smelling that rank stuff. He said it takes the romance away. Jimmy said his dad was bragging about shitting his initials. He said that he bragged about shitting the letter J for the second time in his life. He said his son Kevin made a number 2 in the shape of a number 2.
Molly came in so Howard asked her why she was up so early. Molly said they have to work this morning. Howard asked Molly if she hides her shitting. Molly said she does. She said that she would like it if Jimmy hid it from her. She said that it's pretty obvious when he does it. Howard asked how she's involved. Jimmy said he flushes immediately before the mopping up thing. He said he has a Toto toilet and there is a side effect of it. He said you find yourself without one and you don't feel clean. He said he thinks that the toilet paper wiping removes the hair from the ass. He said when you only wash with water the hair grows wild. Molly said it's time to go home. She said they've touched on masturbation and shitting now.
Howard said he masturbates as much as Jimmy does and he doesn't deny it. He said when they were at dinner the other night he revealed that Molly caught him twice. Howard said it sounds like he wants to be caught. Jimmy said he doesn't. He said it's twice in 10 years. Howard said he goes in a locked room and he covers the camera on his device when he's doing it. He asked Jimmy to describe this again.
Jimmy said he was downstairs and thought he'd hear footsteps. He said this sneaky Ninja made it down and he jumped up. He said he immediately said ''I'm masturbating!'' Molly said he could have gotten away with it but he just yelled it out. Howard asked if she became the mother and asked what he was doing. She said she just said that it was okay and grabbed her water. She said she just said it's okay and went to bed. Howard said never confesses to Beth. He said he always tells her he does it for the air. He said he doesn't want her to feel that he has to masturbate. He said he does it to get the poison out. He said that it's different than sex.
Howard asked Molly what she thinks. She said he did think she was asleep. She said she would prefer that over waking her up. Howard said it's more of a medical procedure. Jimmy said that it's like flossing. He said it's not necessary but it's nice.
Howard said he admires Molly because she was terrific. He said that if he got caught he'd kill himself. He said that she was very nice about it. He said that's a turn on. He said that she just went back to bed. Jimmy said it's not like she's not masturbating. Molly said that it's time to go. She said Kelly and Regis are waiting. Jimmy said Regis is not there.
Howard said that maybe masturbation is the key to a healthy marriage. Molly said that she's not against it. Howard said that it has to be tough for the two of them. He said that Jimmy is working all the time so she has to be able to get it done herself.
Howard asked if it was great to see Ronnie out there. Molly said she loves Jimmy's face when he's around Ronnie. Molly said she was happy to see JD and Robin. Molly said she loves JD. She said he's wonderful. She said that he has a terrible hand shake. She said that you can almost feel how many times he's jerked off. Molly ran off after that. Howard said he loves that woman. He said he thinks Jimmy married very well.
Jimmy said getting caught masturbating once in 5 years isn't that much. Howard said he's never been caught. Howard said Molly has caught him twice and his other wife caught him once. Fred said his wife has never caught him. He said he believes in locked doors.
Howard said women are disgusted by Ronnie but men love him. Jimmy said that Joelle has a crush on Ronnie so it's not all dudes.
Howard asked how many people he has on his staff. Jimmy said he has 150. Howard asked if he gets them all gifts. Jimmy said that he does on their birthdays.
Howard said they have to take a break but he has more questions for Jimmy. He said he heard that Mariann from Brooklyn called him asking for something. Jimmy said she called his Executive Producer asking to get into the show in Brooklyn. Jimmy said that he wants the Wack Pack there of course. He said Mariann then found out that Howard isn't on the show and said she doesn't want to come. He said she rejected him. Howard said he loves that about Mariann. He said she got tickets to the show and turned them down. Jimmy said they were VIP. He said he had to save this for on the air. He said Howard never wants to do the show but maybe some part of him is insulted that he wasn't asked to be on the show.
Howard said when they were driving to dinner on Saturday Beth was quizzing him about things like his kid's names. He said he forgot Jane's name for a second. He said Beth knows there is something wrong with him. He said that there are some topics that he may want to bring up. He said Beth was helping him out with that. He said that she brought up Molly's movie appearance and how her job is an things like that. He said then Beth will tell him to thank Jimmy for not inviting him to be on his show. He said if he brought that up he'd think he wanted to be on the show. He said if he was invited he'd have to do it. He said Jimmy is the most wonderful human being he has ever met.
Howard said he is the most thoughtful person in his life. He said that Jimmy has sent him notes and they're so touching. He said he gets emotional about them. He said that's the kind of guy he is. Jimmy said he loves Howard and the show. Jimmy said that he feels he knows most of the stuff going on in Howard's life from listening to the show. He said he has to mention things from the show when he talks to him. He said he thinks that he lacks in that department so that's nice to hear.
Howard said sometimes he really lifts his spirits. He said he was so happy that he didn't invite him on the show. He said when he has something to promote he will go on his show. He said that he doesn't want to go on this time. He said he did think that last time he was on he sucked so Jimmy didn't want him there. Robin said that made him think he wasn't desired on the show.
Howard said Alex Jones wants to speak to Jimmy. He took the call from fake Alex who was calling in just for Jimmy. They had an intro for him and Alex was telling him that he is fraud and he should not do his show. Fake Alex had some conspiracy theories about Jimmy and how he's a traitor to this country. Alex got in some ads too.
Howard asked Jimmy if he's still enjoying doing the show. He said that he did the Oscars last year without incident. He said his career is on fire. Jimmy said it's simmering. He said he doesn't enjoy doing anything he has to do. He said there are some nights that he thinks he's done. He said one show last week was one of those nights. He said something was going on Monday night. He said he didn't think he was being funny. He said he wasn't good with the guests and nothing clicked. He said the next night was great so he figured he could do it more. Howard said it's fun when he's there doing the show. Jimmy said this is something he enjoys doing. Howard said Ike is there so he can stay there for that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they should just blow each other because they seem to have some kind of love affair going on. Howard said they can 69. He said he's not afraid to love Jimmy. He said just because he's a dude doesn't mean he has to blow him. He said it's taken him a long time to get to that point where he can feel for people. The caller said he was just kidding and it's fine.
Howard asked if Jimmy liked the diaper contest with Sal and Richard. Jimmy said he did like it but he had a problem with them measuring in pounds instead of ounces. Howard said he's right about that because Gary had him confused about that too.
Howard said that Jimmy got him into betting on Dancing with the Stars. Jimmy said that he was off for one year but he's in for this year. He said it's not easy to pick the winner. He said that he's going with Demarcus Ware this season. Robin said the way he talks about it makes him sound like the worst gambler. Howard said he's not betting on the kids version of the show. Jimmy said he's not. Howard said they have to take a break and have Ike come in.
Howard said Jimmy was in with Ike last time Ike was there. Jimmy said Ike is very funny. He said he has anew movie coming out. Jimmy said they have Eminem coming on his show tonight. Howard said he thinks he messed up with Eminem on his show years ago. He said he doesn't think he had a good time in there.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she's sorry for backing out of the show. She asked why she would go without him. Howard said he wants to thank Jimmy for not inviting him. He said Jimmy didn't ask him and that was very kind of him. Mariann said she's very proud of him for doing that. She said he knew that he was in that position. Jimmy said that wasn't very nice of Mariann to do what she did. Howard said Jimmy felt bad. Mariann said she's sorry about that. Howard hung up on her and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that was Chris Cornell. Fred corrected him. Howard said he wasn't paying attention. He said that he's doing things in there.
Howard said that he only has another 15 minutes with Jimmy but Ike Barinholtz is there. He said he has directed a movie called The Oath. Ike came in and said that he can't see Fred over there. He asked how he can talk to him. Fred said you can't.
Ike was doing his impression of Tan Mom saying his name ''Ike Bare-holes.'' Ike said he liked that Adam Barta guy. He started to sing her Tan Mom song. Fred played some of that. Robin said she had just gotten that out of her head. Howard said he did too.
Ike said every time he comes in he has to pay his respects to a Wack Packer that passed away. He said this time it was Evil Dave. Howard said he did an obituary for Dave. Ike said he loved when Dave would bomb after going off script. He said Howard would get so mad. Ike said they were the worst. Ike said one time a guy called in saying he sucked and Dave just said ''I'm under the weather, sir.'' Howard said he was the best. He said they had like 10 million back stories on him. He said you assumed he could do impressions but he just sounded like Letterman. He said Letterman hated it. Ike said he was a very special man. Howard said he really was. He said he feels bad for his wife. He said she was just trying to get him under control. Jimmy said he's under control now.
Howard said he heard that he likes some of the new guys working there now. Ike said he likes the new guys like Memet and Brent. He said that poor Gary has seen a progression of people come in and think they can produce the show better than he can. Howard said it's a constant thing for him.
Howard said both Jimmy and Ike are going to be on Regis and Kelly this morning. Jimmy said he only has 8 minutes left. Howard asked why he booked himself on this show and that show. Jimmy said he doesn't know. He said they're in Brooklyn and the traffic takes forever.
Howard said they should call Kelly and Regis and tell them that they're just staying there. He asked what Kelly and Regis would do. Ike said he likes this game. Jimmy said he's sure that they'd figure out what to do. Ike said Regis isn't on that show anymore. Jimmy said he is not. Howard asked if Ike will go on and call Ryan ''Regis.'' Ike said he'll do it.
Howard said they once had Jimmy ask Kelly some questions that they came up with. Howard said maybe he can go on with Regis. Ike said that would be a great promotion for his movie. Howard said he's sure that Kelly wouldn't have Regis on again. He said that she's never had him on since he left. Howard said Jimmy should ask her.
Howard asked why she's never had him on then. Jimmy said he's not sure. Howard said they should address this when they go on. Robin said just go on and ask where Regis is. Howard said there must be something going on there with Regis and Kelly. Ike said he has nothing to lose so he'll ask.
Howard said here's what he wants to ask. He said he wants one of the guys to go on and ask if Kelly was on a boat with Regis and Michael Strahan, who would she push overboard to drown. Howard asked who would have the nerve to ask that question. Robin said she thinks they know the answer. Jimmy said he thinks that she'd push Michael Strahan over. Ike said you have to tune into the show. He said he will ask the question. Howard said they'll throw him right off the show. Ike said he has a film to promote so he may not.
Howard asked if they think that Kelly has ever caught her husband jerking off. Ike said she caught him jerking off to Adam Carolla.
Ike said he got caught masturbating by his mom. Howard said Ike's wife is hot. He said that he wondered how hot a CPA could be but she's hot. He said it's a tremendous thing. He said that she must have been harassed at the office. Ike said they're all accountants. He said that she's never told him anything that's happened to her. He said that she's also very tall at 5'11'' so maybe that has something to do with it. Ike said she used to work for PWC who handled the Oscar winners.
Howard asked if Ike has locks on his bathroom door. Ike said he can't because he has a few kids under the age of 5. He told Howard he stands to wipe and he will even look into a mirror to make sure there's nothing in there.
Howard said he hopes that Jimmy doesn't leave. Jimmy said it's time to go. Howard asked if either one will ask Kelly if she knows when Mark Conseulos goes to the bathroom. Jimmy said he'll ask that but he may not do it on air. Howard said he has to do it on air. Ike said Mark married Howard and his wife. Howard said he did. He said he hasn't seen Mark since.
Gary came in saying that Jimmy has to get going. Howard said that's too bad. Jimmy ran off to do the show. Howard said he loves him. Jimmy said he loves him too. Robin said she's sad to see him go. Howard told Jimmy to ask Kelly some questions. Jimmy said he will but off air. Ike said he'll do it.
Howard asked Ike if he smokes weed with Seth Rogen. Ike said he does. Howard said he had a terrible accident. He said Ike should tell this story. Ike said he hasn't talked about this. He said he did a movie called Blockers last year. He said it's a teen sex comedy that Howard would love. Howard said he laughed his balls off at this clip he saw. He said John Cena was really funny in the clip. He said this was where they go to some party and the kids are chugging beer through their assholes. He said Cena is taking it in his ass and he farts and Ike takes the splash in the face.
Ike said they were doing this film last time he was there. He said he was in there promoting ''Snatched.'' He said he went back to do Blockers after that appearance. He said on the last day of shooting they were doing a stunt in the movie. He said they were running around a hotel balcony and he bumps into a kid and he falls off the balcony. He said they had shot some of it. He said the end of the shoot is chaotic.
Ike said he showed up on the last day of the shoot and he walks in. He said they had built this 25 foot platform to look like the balcony. He said his stunt double was there. He said that the first AD shows him playback of what he's going to do. He said he sees this guy get shoved off this thing. He said there's like 5 feet of mat under it. He said it's like a gym mat. He said that you assume it's going to go fine.
Ike said he went up to the top and he was told he just has to fall off the ledge. He said he wanted to be a team player. He said he did the first take and he hits the ground and he's screaming in pain. He said he can't move. Ike said he was blacking out. He said people were all around him. He said he remembers his toes not moving. He said he thought he was okay but he couldn't move the left side of his body. He said he can't move and there's pain. Ike said he was looking over and people were praying. He said he tried to get up and they stop him. He said they sent him to a hospital.
Howard said he must be freaking out seeing them praying. Ike said he was. He said that they went to the hospital and he was told he had fractured his 6th and 7th cervical vertebra. He said he was there for like 10 hours. He said they had to inject dye into you and they fucked it up. He said they said they had to do it again. He said he was able to walk but he had searing pain. He said hew went to L.A. and flew home. He said every jolt of turbulence was horrible. He said he just had to get home though.
Ike said he went to see one doctor and he told him this was not good. He said he told him he was very lucky and he showed him if he had broken up an inch he would have been like Christopher Reeve.
Ike said he was super depressed for a while. He said Judd Apatow called him and said he heard what happened. He said he suggested a doctor. Ike said he went to see this guy and he was told this was bad and he had to take care of himself. He said he had to get surgery. He didn't want that. He said that he wondered what he should do. He said he was thinking of just eating because he was depressed. He said that he had a long talk with Mindy Kaling and friends. He said every morning he would take this plastic brace that was huge and strap it on. He said he was supposed to have the proper posture. He said he would walk for like 5-10 miles. He said he'd walk and walk every day for 3 hours. He said it was painful to do it. He said after about 3 months of doing that and taking care of himself it started to slowly heal. He said he didn't take anything but weed. He said it still hurt but he didn't care.
Howard asked if he was wasted the whole time. Ike said he was smoking when he felt down. Howard said you have to be careful when you do stunts like that. Ike said there's been an epidemic of people dying in stunts lately. He said they're trying to make them more and more spectacular.
Howard said he heard his whole dick blew up from a vasectomy too. Ike said he and his wife were talking about having another kid. He said that his wife told him he had to get a vasectomy. He said he figured no problem. He said he went in saw a doctor. He said he wanted to be knocked out for it but they said they don't do that. He said the procedure was at 7:45 in the morning. He said he didn't want to see a bunch of doctors holding his dick. He said that they're in there opening up your sack and stuff.
Howard took a call from Stephen Hawking from heaven who was giving Ike some ''Wah'' comments about his almost being paralyzed.
Ike said that he went in for his vasectomy and went home. He said on day 3 he woke up and he went to pee and his dick was purple. He said it was like Grimace from McDonald's purple. He said it was L.A. Laker purple. He said they didn't warn him about this. He said that he called the doctor and they said this was normal. He said he had to show his wife this. He said he took a photo of his dick and sent it to his wife at work. He said she came home and said don't send that to her at work. She said that it looked all purple and she saw it on the cold counter so it looked weird.
Ike said he had to jerk off like 40 times to get the old sperm out. He said that his cock went back to normal after a week or so. He said that he felt nervous jerking off. He said he was afraid to do it. He said his load was lighter and it took a minute. He said he felt like he was playing with a loaded gun. He said he took his doctors orders and jerked off. He said that after a day or two he gets grossed out by porn. He said that there are things he likes in porn and things he won't fuck with. He said he likes the older MILF stuff. He said he feels bad for the younger women. He said he doesn't like the totally shaved thing. He said he equates that with young girls. He said he hates the new bend in porn with step sisters and stuff. Howard said he likes that but just in porn. He said he doesn't want to fuck his own stepmother or anything. Ike said he has to stop with that stuff and not do it. He said it's just too accessible now.
Howard said no one is looking for him to do a stunt but he'd never want to do that. He said even in Private Parts they had him do a stunt. Ike said this stunt was cut from the movie. He said he was very glad about that. Howard said he knows Ike has to leave to go see Regis and Kelly. Robin said he's still saying Regis. Ike said he's friends with Regis' daughter. He said she's a writer. He said that they should keep his name out there.
Howard said Ike wrote and directed his own movie. He said it seems like it takes a long time to do that. Ike said it took like a year. He said he got into a fight at Thanksgiving and he knew that the mood of the people is so angry and divided. He said everyone has been though that. He said this movie takes a bad turn and people start getting beaten over it. He said it's kind of making fun of the political climate they're in. Howard asked if he had to go out and raise money for the movie. Ike said he brought it to the guys who did Get Out and Black Klansman.
Howard asked how much he thinks Get Out cost to make. Ike said it was probably 10 million and it made well over 100 million. Ike said he shot his movie for under 2. He said if he has a story to tell where he doesn't have a ton of locations to shoot on then it's not that hard. He said that the cast signed on because they believed in the movie. He said that the movie shot in about 20 days. Howard said that they had no time for nonsense. Ike said it was all in one take. He said there are so many movies out there now. He said he has the Lady Gaga movie, Venom and more. He said that this movie is like nothing out there. He said it's good to see in a theater too. He said that you get both a comedy and a thriller. Howard said if it makes money then he can make more movies. He said that's the deal. Ike said that's all out of his hands. He said that all he can do is tell these stories that are crazy and different and weird.
Howard asked if he does impressions in the movie. Ike did his Obama impression. He said he just saw Quentin Tarantino and he saw him at a late night show. He said he loves his movies. He said he walked in and told him he's a huge fan and Quentin brushed him off. He said a few minutes later he came running in saying he remembers him from The Mindy Project that he watches all the time.
Howard said he looks kind of like the Wahlbergs. Ike said he gets that a lot. He said he used to get Mark and then Donnie but now he's the Burger flipper brother.
Howard asked if he has had a black woman in real life because he has a black wife in this movie. Ike said he has.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked if the mats were all wrong for that stunt. Ike said it was not well conceived or communicated. Howard asked if he wanted to sue. Ike said if he wasn't able to move he thinks that might be the case. He said he healed himself and he didn't need to do that. He said he just wanted to move on. Howard asked how much work he missed out on. Ike said that he went back to work for The Mindy Project but he had to wear a neck brace the whole season. He said he was honest about the whole thing. He said once he was able to hold his kids again he knew he was going to be okay. Ralph asked if he can please post his grimace dick picture. Ike said of course he will. He said that he did send it to his high school friends. Ralph said he has to share it with the fans too. Ike said he'll do that.
Howard said he has to tell the story about vomiting on the plane recently. Ike said he's been going all over the place promoting this movie. He said he knows that people will like this movie. He said he was flying all over the country. He said one was to New York. He said he started sweating from something that was probably food poisoning. He said the worst feeling is when you feel like you have to vomit and you have 3 hours left on the flight. Ike said the flight attendants were so nice about it. He said he was moaning and Blockers was playing on half the plane.
Ike said as they are landing he just ran to the front of the plane. He said he went into the bathroom and it was so hard to navigate. He said that he can't bend down because he's so big. He said that he was afraid that the vomit would splash back on him. He said that he spent the entire deplaning in the bathroom.
Ike said he once took a flight from Amsterdam and it smelled like shit the whole time. He said this woman next to him was saying that this airline was the worst. The guy sitting next to her died on the flight and she had to fly back with a corpse. Howard said he had better not be late for Kelly's show. Ike said he doesn't care.
Ike said that if the fans have ever been entertained by him at all on the show then they have to go see this movie. He did his Tan Mom impression and that led to them playing her song again. Howard said The Oath is opening nationwide this weekend. Howard gave him some plugs and wrapped up with him. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he doesn't feel like anyone took an interest in him growing up. He said he didn't do a very good job with that.
Howard said when he was peeing he was holding his penis with his underwear. He said he does that so he doesn't touch it. He said he has become very adept at that and he avoids slippage and wet from that. He said if you let go of your underwear it can make you piss in your face. He said he has never done that but he's an expert. He said he realized his scarf started to drift toward his stream. He said he wasn't sure what he would do if that happened. He said he has to talk to Ralph about what to do about the scarf moving around so much. He said it's constantly falling on the floor.
Howard said he wants to come to work in his shitty jeans and not worry. He said they have the app now so he has to worry about how presentable he is. He said nothing is easy in his life. He said you should get the app just to see how bad he looks. He said he just wants to be normal guy. He said he tries to do his hair but it gets too big from pulling it out too much. He said he looks silly hiding behind his microphone. He said that Robin and Fred don't worry about that. Robin said that she should hide. Howard said stop it.
Howard said it's like the Wizard of Oz behind the microphone. He said he can hide his whole face behind that skinny microphone too. He said it's weird.
Howard said he went out to dinner with Jimmy and his wife on Saturday. He said they went to Il Molino. He said they had a 7:30 reservation and that's late for him. He said there was nothing earlier. He said the whole day he was bummed out knowing it was that late. He said they didn't get out until 11 that night. He said he's usually in bed by 9. He said he has become his parents. He said he's miserable when he has to eat that late. He said traffic was horrible too.
Howard said he had one glass of wine while everyone else was having multiples. He said he was sipping his one. He said he was going to order a second one but he has that liver thing. Robin asked if he drinks every night. Howard said he doesn't.
Howard said he loves Jimmy and Molly. He said he never gets to see them since they live on the West coast. He said they have young kids now so it's tough for them to come visit. He said he's not going out to L.A. so that's why they don't see a lot of each other.
Howard said he had to go to the bathroom and he had to stand on line. He said there was a men's and women's bathroom. He said people were starting in with him with selfie. He said they were all asking for pictures. He said Jimmy does it and has no problem with it. Howard said this woman said she wanted to take one but Jimmy told them not to bother Howard with that. Howard said he had to explain to this woman that he doesn't like his look so he won't do it. He said she was arguing with him. He said he won't do it. He said he doesn't want to be circulated with his bad looks. He said he's not even sure this woman was a fan. He said some people say that just to get a photo. He said he's sorry but he thinks he looks like shit so he won't take the picture.
Howard said he was cursed. He said he hates taking pictures with people. He said if he was hot he'd be on TV and not radio. He said now he's on TV with the app.
Howard said even walking out he was telling people no to selfies and then he sees Jimmy taking them. He said he was thinking he should do it but he just got in his car and left. He said he was exhausted from being out so late. He said he doesn't want to be out late. Robin said it's all psychosomatic. Howard said he knows. He said he thinks he just makes it up too.
Howard said he peed right away when he went into the bathroom there. He said he won't go until he really has to go. He said he holds it and holds it. He said he's always nervous about it and now he just waits. He said he had to race to the bathroom.
Howard said he's not sure why he has such self esteem. He said Benjy's face is flaking off and he has such confidence. He said he'll take pictures with anyone. That led to Fred doing his Benjy impression. Howard said Benjy looks like he was poisoned by that guy Assad or he was in Tokyo and had a fire breathing dragon breathing on him. He said that he looks like he was gassed with mustard gas.
Gary said Benjy is really angry out there. He said he's saying that if he took a picture with him and Fred that he'd have the best skin. Howard said he has good skin. He said he's being complimentary.
Benjy came in and said that he's being totally wrong about this. Howard asked why he's got a beard and coloring it. He said it looks fake. Benjy said he thinks he looks better. He said take a picture of him with Fred right now and he'll look better. He said Fred has oily skin with bumps on it. Howard said he was just saying that he has more confidence than he does. Benjy said take a close up of his skin and it's better. Benjy said his scarf also looks horrible. He said it's very effeminate. Howard told him to get out. They played him out with a song parody about his red skin.
Howard said he was just talking about how he almost peed on his own scarf. He said he didn't ask Benjy about his scarf. He said he don't have to volunteer that.
Howard said this guy claims he has billions. He said he's not the only one either. He said he did pay for Jimmy's dinner too. He said that he's not sure why he's saying the name of the place either. He said it's free advertising. He said that Jimmy has picked up the tab a lot. He said that he's not keeping track of this shit.
Howard said the other night someone invited him out to dinner and he paid for that too. He said that Bon Jovi took him out and actually paid. He said if you invite someone out then you should pay. He said that Jon took him to Applebees.
Howard took a call from Jim From Raleigh who asked if he's pissed that Jimmy ran off to do Ryan and Kelly. Howard said don't at all. He said it was expected. Howard said they had a great time with Jimmy this morning. He said he loves how he and Molly were talking about masturbating.
Howard said he thinks it's good for his relationship that he's still trying to impress Beth by not telling her about masturbating and hiding his shitting from her. Robin said that she knows happily married couples who use the same bathroom. Howard said he's not sure what he did when he was going out with women and didn't have multiple bathrooms. He said he's not sure how Jimmy shits and Molly knows. He said that he has a lot of bathrooms in his house. Howard said JD's wife must smell his shit. JD said they have a window in their bathroom so he opens it immediately.
Howard said he was reading about how women should buy a candle. He said he read this article and they say that the lightning of the candle gets the smell out. He said it's an unscented candle. He said that's a signal to the guy to stay away. He said why not buy a lighthouse to warn the guy. He said Gary goes down to the lobby of a hotel to shit if he has to shit on vacation.
Gary said it is gross and he does leave when he has to shit. Howard said in GQ they say light an unscented candle. He said it's a warning. He said he'd be self conscious about that too.
Howard asked JD if his wife shits when he's around. JD said he thinks she does it while he's away a lot. He said that she has farted in front of him. Howard asked why. JD said she's drinking protein drinks and doing crossfit so she ends up farting.
Gary said that he had a friend who lived in the city and the apartment had a toilet that was just behind a wall. It wasn't closed off.
Jim said that you don't want to go down on a woman after you've smelled their shit. He asked if you can imagine how bad JD's shit smells. Howard said JD eats garbage so you know it has to be bad. Howard said he's eating almost all vegetables now and his smell isn't that bad. He said he likes when he's stinky. He said it reminds him that he's alive. He said he courtesy flushes constantly too. He said he loves his Toto toilet so much. He said he doesn't let anyone use it. He said it's so good he doesn't have to use baby wipes anymore. He said that while the water is getting into his asshole he can burp the water out and the remnants come flushing out. He said it's so wonderful.
Howard said he will take toilet paper and shove it in there after the wash and it's all clean. He said that he didn't understand it when he got it but now he has figured it out. He said when he makes a doody there's always doody stuck in his ass. He said now he gets it all out of there with the Toto. He said the water shoots in there and he can burp out the water. He said he checks the toilet and it all comes out.
Jim said it would be great if he did a commercial for them. Howard said he'd love to. He said he should make an instructional video for YouTube. He said that the burping thing is great. He said he really is Fartman. He said he's turned into him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to tell him why he's the best entertainer of all time. He asked a question that Howard didn't understand. He said he really doesn't care. The caller was talking about the separate bathrooms and it was annoying Howard. Howard said he's not even sure why he's annoying him. The caller said he's great. Howard said thanks and hung up.
Robin said she thinks that he's a guy who has only one toilet and it's more important to have a shower before sex than worry about smelling his partner's shit. Howard said he wasn't making sense. He said that of course you should shower before you bang your wife.
Howard said that guy ruined the show. He said maybe King of All Blacks can save it. Howard took a call from King who said that guy's head was empty. He said that the shitting in the bathroom is something he will do when his wife is getting ready for work. Howard said imagine that Robin. Robin said she has never had that happened. King said it doesn't mess up the sexual part. Howard said he must have her chained up to a wall. He hung up on King.
Howard said the art of conversation is dead. Robin said she had a boyfriend who made a whole ritual out of shitting. She said his apartment only had one bathroom. She said he would take the NY Times and go in there for a very long time. Howard said you should get in and out in a minute. He said you'll get hemorrhoids or a fissure. He said you have to get it together. Howard said he should take a break. Fred said he should. They went to break after Howard did a live read.
Howard said he has the Bluetooth ear buds and they're probably giving him cancer. Robin said she has a coffee maker that makes the individual pods and it said it was time to descale. She said she had no idea what that was. She said she found out you're supposed to put this stuff in and clean it. She said she did it you let it run and run until it's empty. She said then you rinse it out. She said then she made coffee and it still tasted like the chemical. Howard said that's why he wont get that one with the ultraviolet light. He said he doesn't trust any of that.
Howard said they have a new phony phone call to make. He said they used his voice and Gilbert Gottfried's voice to make a call to a religious radio show. Howard said this is one of those shows where the religious people speak in tongues.
Howard played the call and the hosts took a call from the guys who said they have some members who are stuck speaking in tongues. Then they put Pastor Howard on the air and he's doing his Jewish song. One of the hosts said that she heard that god is going to manifest himself and we're nearing the end times. Then the guys played Pastor Gilbert who was singing some songs. The host said she's not sure about that one. She had to hang up because they didn't stop the Gilbert clip.
Howard said Gilbert can shut anyone up. He said that's what some of that religious nonsense is about. Robin asked if these people know they're scamming people. Howard said of course they do.
Howard said his favorite guy is this Kenneth Copeland who asks for money for private jets and stuff and his parishioners will give it to him. He said he wants them to be happy and he won't try to hide his wealth. He said if he was a preacher he'd raise the money for it and kind of keep it quiet. He said this guy brags about it. He said the other day he gave them a story about he private plane. He said he claims he was talking to God and he was able to pray away the rust they fond inside his plane. Howard had a clip of the guy talking about that. He claims they found corrosion and God told him to lay hands on it and it will go away. He did that and it all went away.
Howard said if he can do that then why not just become a flying superman. He said this guy is laughing about it like it really happened. Howard said if he had a line of bullshit like that he'd be so embarrassed by it. He said this guy is claiming that Jesus told him he gave this plane to him and he can cure it of corrosion.
Howard said there's this guy who used to be a coach and now he preaches. He said this guy is pretty good too. He said this guy claims that he wants to use the N-word. Howard played a clip of the guy using the word and saying that he remembers one time being in high school and reading the school paper and they said something about him being diminutive. He asked his mom what that meant. He said that he'd rather be called the N-word. He said that he's not sure why he can't say the N-word if they can call him small.
Howard said he understands that he's Mel Gibson's spiritual advisor. Howard said that's a weird one. He said that guy is a preacher now. Robin said that he thinks he's making sense. She said he's actually small and they called him diminutive. Howard said he has to get into preaching. He did some of his own material talking about why he's talking to people on the radio show. He was doing it like the asshole coach guy.
Howard asked why this guy isn't preaching anymore. JD said he sued the ACLU for making him stop praying during class. Howard did more of this impression of that guy complaining about what they've done to him. He was making up more wacky stuff that the guy could complain about. Then he said that's why he needs a new plane. He said he's combining some of these guys together. Robin said why not. Howard kept going making up the same kind of nonsense these guys are making up. He said he was going to call his airline ''Nig-Air'' for that coach guy.
Howard said the whole world is nuts. He said these guys have no shame. He said this guy says if you want to get out of debt then send him money. He said he's tithing. In the clip the guy says that he's taking 10 percent and that's what god asks for. He said start giving God 10 percent of your income and that's how you get out of debt. Howard said this guy says if you want to do well then just send him money. Howard played more of the guy talking about how no one has ever come to him saying that this is a mistake. He said you can't lose in obeying god.
Robin said how about writing all of your checks to God. Howard said see who cashes them. He said Jim Bakker is still pretty good. He said he went to jail for selling time shares and he gets right out and sells food buckets. He said that's fucking awesome. He said he's making money hand over fist with that. Robin said he was selling furniture too. Howard said here he is talking about a new food bucket.
Howard played the clip and Jim Bakker said he has friends who say that there will be a crisis that will shock the world and change us for ever. He said that perilous times are here and they're not going away. Bakker was talking about a new bucket of food they're offering now.
Howard said he'd have a hard time selling that stuff. Robin asked how they sleep as you undermine the country and scam old people out of their fixed income. Howard said he'd like to know what kind of money the guy who grunts in the background is making. Robin said that woman knows and she's back there saying ''Mmm Hmm.'' Howard said he'd like to know what their split is on all of that money. Robin said she thinks he's taking the lion's share. Howard said he's probably sitting on it in a bucket. He said good for him. He said god bless, whatever. He said they have to take a break and get to news. He asked Fred how his break was. Fred said it was good. Howard asked if he rode his motorcycle. Fred said he did, its back. Howard said that's enough of you. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard said he's sure he's kind of busted up about it. He said she was a great catch. Robin said he didn't play it right. Howard asked if he was too excited about it. Robin said it wasn't that. She said it was when she started to become a commodity. Howard said she's right. He said that she may have felt that she was being used. Howard said he probably said to her that he'd come out and talk to the audience about how excited he was to be with her. He said when he did it then her friends must have gotten a hold of her. Robin said he went on her tour but it was on talk shows to talk about her. Howard said he loved that. He said that he even said that Jimmy Fallon just wanted him on to talk about her.
Howard said Pete was great on the show. He said that he talked about how great she is and then he went to the green room and she sat on his lap and said he did really well. Robin said there was a line that he used to her face that Howard used and her face did not move. Howard asked if she's saying that he broke them up. Robin said she had to get out of there because things got very cold. Robin said Howard said to her that she's so hot that people were groping her at a funeral. Robin said she didn't make a move or a statement. Howard said who knows. He said he was going over everything that they talked about trying to figure it out. Howard said he doesn't think he broke them up. Robin said she's just saying that she wasn't for it all and he was engaging in it all.
Howard said he thought he got the go ahead from her. Howard said maybe she saw him and thought that's what Pete is going to look like when he gets older.
Howard said he has to get Pete back in there. He said that he has to ask what the fuck is happening. He said that's got to be rough on him. Robin wondered if that's going to end them using him on Saturday Night Live. Howard said not at all. He said they need an immediate post mortem. He said Colin Jost has Scarlet Johansson. He said that you never hear about that. He said Pete was so delighted that he shared it. He said he was thrilled to talk about it. He said that's what he loved about Pete. He said he likes that guy a lot. He said he was saying he hit the jackpot and hit the lottery.
Howard said he thinks Pete will date publicly before Ariana. Robin said she says Ariana. Howard said he thinks that he got the rub and it's going to be good for him. He dated Larry David's daughter before and she's really hot. Howard wondered if Ariana will ever sing her song about Pete again. Robin said no way. Howard played some of the song. Howard said that's what Pete should play when he's dating. He said he must be wondering what the fuck happened.
Howard wondered if Ariana will give back the badge he gave her. Gary said the ring was worth like $100,000. He asked if he thinks he'll get that back. Howard said maybe because she has her own money. He said that some women without money might keep it.
Howard asked if they have a list of hot guests or hosts that Saturday Night Live will have on. He said he has to pick out a new one for Pete. Robin said she hopes everyone sees how badly this worked out for Pete. She said they have the Jost example and the Davidson example now. Howard said he didn't even know who Awkwafina was when she was on. Howard said that she was hot. He said Pete could have dated her. He said that any girl he dates now will be a step down. Robin said that if you put him in that position then who is he going to date. Howard said that he could go the opposite way and date a waitress. Howard said that's almost better. He said he'd love it if he hooked up with a Sarah Huckabee Sanders type.
Howard said Ariana is on the phone with a new song. Howard took the call and had one of the guys singing a song about how Pete's dick was never that big.
Howard said he wishes he knew Pete a little better. He said he'd let him cry on his shoulder. He said that has to suck. He played more of the song Ariana wrote for him and it was only a minute and 5 seconds. Howard said that's kind of short. Robin said so was their relationship.
Howard said it's going to be tough for Pete. He said that in a way he knows guys who have pulled that off and they go out with a girl who is super grateful to go out with them. He said Pete might get that. He said that's a more powerful situation. Robin said they'll have to see how it goes.
Howard said Ariana may start dating ''good looking'' guys. He said that Pete was a regular looking guy. Robin said a lot of those guys were happy to see Pete with her. Howard said he'd like to be a regular looking guy. He said she should date Benjy. He said he admitted Pete talking about her the way he did on the show. He said even he couldn't believe he got her. Robin said that a woman hears that and thinks that's a loser. Howard said she'll date Michael Che next. He said that Pete will be pulling the hair out of his head. Howard made up a song that Ariana could sing about Michael Che.
Howard took a call from a guy who was talking to someone in his office when Howard picked up. Howard said he doesn't get sports at all. He said why pick a team, just wait for the game and see who wins. Howard thought he was listening to a sports talk show instead of his show so he hung up.
Howard said Ralph is anxious to get on air to talk about Ariana. He picked up and Ralph said he feels really bad for Pete. He said he must be devastated. He said she was writing songs about him. Howard said he hopes the guy is okay. Ralph said just a regular relationship is something you get bummed about. He said she's like a 50. Howard said just imagine what she looks like naked. He said she's got that long hair and the super tight body. Ralph said she can probably get in a lot of positions. He said she dances so she must be flexible. Howard said Robin's gloating that she knew.
Ralph said that he was probably playing with the pig and then she breaks it to him to get the fuck out. Howard said he'd love to know how it went down. He said that's cold. He said maybe she ghosted him. He said she could have just exchanged the locks on the door.
Robin said you have to think about the proximity to him being on this show and then the break up. Howard said come on. He said she lives in a fancy building so the door men have to keep him out now. He said he hopes Pete will be okay. Robin said she tried to get him to call Pete to save him. Howard said he wanted him to rush her to the altar. Ralph said that he's going to sit around and get depressed for two weeks while they're off. He said that poor guy. Howard said they just started up and they're in hiatus already. He said he wishes they had hiatus right now. Howard let Ralph go and did a live commercial read.
Robin said she thought we were moving in the right direction in this world when it comes to people seeing people of color in the right way. Robin said this woman in Brooklyn was leaning over the counter of a diner and this kid walks in with a back pack on and he walks past her and she goes crazy accusing him of trying to grope her. Robin said this woman got touched and thought this kid groped her. She had some audio of the woman talking about how she felt like she was groped. Later she had to apologize because it was the kid's book bag that touched her. Robin had the audio of her apologizing too.
Robin asked how many people indulge in fast food daily in America. Howard said that he'll say 1 billion or maybe 50 million. Robin said that it's actually 85 million. They eat fast food daily. Howard said that's JD. JD said he doesn't eat it as much anymore. Robin read more about the study that was done about that. Howard said he sees the fast food white bags out there in the office every day.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to keep Ralph off the fucking air. Howard said he thought he was good on the show today. He asked if the show is good other than Ralph. The caller said nothing is perfect. He said he has to stop fucking with Ronnie too. He said he busts his balls for no reason. He said let the guy party and enjoy himself. Robin asked if he wants to hear about Ronnie. The caller said he knows it's good for the show. Howard said the reason he likes Ronnie is the same reason he's complaining. He hung up on the guy. He said tomorrow they'll get to the Exotic Dancer Awards that Ronnie went to in Vegas. He said he had a reduced role out there this year and he wasn't happy about that.
Robin read a story about the Foo Fighters giving a fan a treat. Robin said a 10 year old boy was pulled out of the audience and he did a Metallica song with the band. Howard said the kid was pretty good. Howard said this seems to be the thing to do at concerts now. He said there's a lot of this going on now. He said someone did that at the Billy Joel concert. Robin said this kid didn't even play a Foo Fighters song. Howard said this kid is good for a 10 year old but he doesn't want to go to a concert and see someone other than the band play. He said it's great that this kid has been taking guitar lessons. He said if he goes to see Bruce Springsteen he wants to see Bruce play, not some 10 year old kid. He said this isn't a recital. Howard played more of the clip of this kid playing. Howard said he saw a lot of this shit at America's Got Talent. He said it's fine but get on with the real show. Robin asked if he really knows the words to the song. Howard said no, it's all set up. He said they don't just take some 10 year old up on stage. He said he got sucked into that clip and watched it. He said he's into the Foo Fighters and Metallica. He said the kid was good for a 10 year old. Robin said maybe some day they'll hear more about this kid. Howard said he really doesn't care about that kid. He was wondering where his America's Got Talent buzzer was.
Howard said he has to be honest. He doesn't give a fuck about these kids. He said that this is like Hollywood. He said any good looking girl goes out there thinking they can be an actor. He said they end up a bartender. He said he loves Dave Grohl but knock it off with this. He said he thinks he's starting his own America's Got Talent thing. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about this weekend's Saturday Night Live. Robin said that they had Seth Meyers hosting. She said he sat in on the news too. Howard said he DVRs it so he'll watch it. Robin said that Paul Simon was the musical guest. She said she thought he had retired. She said he has a new album coming out. Robin said he did a classic song but he did it with different instrumentation and an arrangement. Robin had some clips for Howard to play. Howard said he doesn't like orchestras. He said this reminds him of Peter and the Wolf. Howard said people don't want to hear that. He said that you should be trying to pleasing the people. He said Pete Davidson must be saying that he can't date that guy. He said Paul Simon has so many great songs. He said he loves the guy but people want to see the hits. He said he loved when he did ''Here Comes the Sun'' with George Harrison. Howard said this is his 9th time appearing on Saturday Night Live as the musical guest. He said he also grew his nails really long so he doesn't need a pick to play. He said it's odd to see that. He said they're curling around like that lady with really long nails. He said he hates long nails on a guy. Robin asked why guys can't have that. Howard said it's very strange. He said he must have to put nail polish on them to make them strong. He said no thanks. He said Fred plays guitar and doesn't have long nails. Fred said James Taylor does. He said he glues nails on to make them stronger. Howard said Paul did Bridge Over Troubled Waters too. Robin said he did but she wanted him to hear that other song.
Robin read a story about people dying all over the globe from flu. Robin said that it's over 600,000 people. Robin said that she read that the protection you have with flu shots doesn't last that long. She said she'll get her shot in a week or two. Howard said Brent refuses to get one. He said he's been getting them for years. He said that he's like a sponge and he'll take in whatever people tell him. Robin said Minka Kelly is saying you should stay home if you feel sick instead of infecting the office with flu. That led to Howard talking about how Derek Jeter dated her. Robin had some audio of Minka talking about staying home if you're feeling sick. Howard said he'd like to give medical advice like that. He said no one comes to him for this.
Howard asked Brent why he refuses to get a flu shot. Gary said he's down at the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he didn't really need to hear it that badly. Robin said Minka is playing a character named Dove in the Marvel universe. Howard asked if she's sure it wasn't ''Duh.'' He did his impression of his father talking about going to work even when he was sick. He didn't care how many other people got sick. He spent a minute doing both of his parent's voices for Robin. He had his mother telling a story about how Howard wanted a toy gun as a 5 year old and he knew the difference between a real gun and a toy so she got him one. She also told a story about Howard taking piano lessons.
Robin read a story about a 60 Minutes interview with Donald Trump. Robin said it was a terrible interview. Howard said he didn't even see a promo for the interview. Robin said she saw that it was coming up so she tuned in. Robin said people are so eagle eyed that you don't even notice. Robin said people saw this painting in the office and it was sent by a fan. It was Trump and a bunch of other republican presidents in a poker game or something and it reminded people of the dogs playing poker painting. Robin said people were joking about that. Robin said this was something that was sent to Trump and he liked it. Robin said in the interview not a lot was learned. Robin said they confront him with stuff that he doesn't care about. Robin said that they had some stuff about current events that they asked about. Robin had some clips of Trump from that interview. In one clip Trump said that he didn't know how dishonest the media is. He said that Leslie Stahl didn't treat him fairly. He said meanwhile he's president and she's not. Robin had clips of Trump claiming that he didn't make fun of Dr. Blasey Ford. He said that she was destroying a man's life with her claims. Trump said that they won so he's not even going to discuss it. Robin said there was a great chance to get into it with him and ask if the ends justify the means. Howard said maybe Robin should be doing the interview. Leslie asked Trump if he's said anything that he regrets. Trump said he regrets that the press treats him so poorly. Robin had a clip of Trump answering about what he has learned in the past 2 years. Trump said that this world of politics is full of lies, deceit and deception. Robin said that those are all versions of lies. Howard said you say that for effect.
Howard said he has Justice Ginsberg on the phone to talk about what's going on behind the scenes at the Supreme Court. Howard took the call and bailed on the call pretty quickly. It wasn't working.
Robin read about how the President will be traveling to the south to visit the area hit by the hurricane. Howard said he didn't know they had prepared so much for he Judge Ginsberg call. He picked up again and said they'll pretend that didn't happen. He had the guys get to their sound effects immediately. They had some porn clips to go along with the lame bit. Howard stuck with it a little longer this time. He said he should have bailed. He did a live commercial read after that.
The commercial read was for a new show with Mary McCormack. Howard spent a little time talking about how he saw Mary over the summer. She played his wife in his movie Private Parts. Howard said they had a good time. He said he did anyway. He said she claims it was one of her best acting jobs. He said that they didn't really do any rehearsing of their love scenes. He said it would have been odd to rehearse their love scenes. He said he may have suggested that but it got shot down. He said he loved working with sexy Mary. He said that he may have popped a boner on set. He said he thought he was married to her.
Robin read a story about a new poll about Trump and if he'll win a second term. Howard said he thinks he will. Robin said that he should watch the 60 Minutes piece. She said he's confident and has adjusted to the role. Robin said that Howard thought he didn't like the job but he apparently does. Howard said if they find some bombshell with the Mueller investigation he could end up in jail. Robin said it seems to her that the more people fight him the bigger he becomes. Robin said even the Kavanaugh situation came down to people attacking the president and his fan base made themselves known.
Robin read about how the movie ''Venom'' is number one at the box office again this weekend. Robin said ''A Star is Born'' has been number 2 two weeks in a row. Robin said it's made $94 million. Robin said that's great for a fine movie that doesn't have super heroes in it. Robin said she loved that movie. Howard said so did he. He said it was very good. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about dying with 21.6 billion in the bank. He said that has to be tough. He said Paul Allen died at 65 years old. He said he's the co-founder of Microsoft. He said he named the company. He said he was thinking about how he was having the greatest life when he died. Robin said he got sick years ago and he changed his life so he could enjoy that money. Howard said he was really into music and Quincy Jones said that he's a great musician. He said maybe he paid him to say that. He said he's just kidding of course.
Howard said if he had that kind of money, 21.6 billion dollars, how do you spend it? He said he wonders how you indulge yourself. He said he hired an entire group of musicians to have around when he wanted to play. He said he'd fly Eric Clapton in to play with him. He said he knows that Leon Black would have Tom Petty to play in his living room and stuff. He said that Paul was probably giving a million to those guys to come and play with him.
Howard said he has a list of the musicians that he would fly in to play with him. He said Paul had his own band and he had an album of his own. Howard read the list of musicians he had play on his album. He said why not do that? He said he supported all of these guys. Howard said Hendrix was the greatest of all time and he had a museum of Hendrix stuff. He said he acquired guitars and stuff.
Howard said Paul Allen bought a Mark Rothko painting and he doesn't get why that stuff sells for so much. He said he asked the guys there at work if they think that his stuff is better. He said they all agreed that he's better than Rothko.
Howard said Paul bought the Seattle Seahawks. He said he made a ton of dough off of them too. He said he bought the Portland Trailblazers too. He said they were going to leave but the kept them there by buying them.
Howard said Paul was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma years ago. He said he would have put billions into researching that. Howard said he owned multiple yachts and one had its own submarine. Howard just said ''wow.''
Robin said he owned submarines too. Howard said he just said that. Robin said you could land things on his yachts. Howard said his art museum was full of art from different artists. Howard said he'd do that. He said maybe he'd have his own aircraft. Robin said he hates to fly. Howard said maybe he'd just buy a nice house.
Howard said Bruno Mars cleaned his pool. Robin laughed. Howard said from what he understands Paul Allen and Bill Gates bought the MS DOS operating system from a guy for like $75,000. Howard said he's not sure if that guy is still around but he bets he wishes he had some stock. Robin said Paul was the one who visualized computers being so convenient that they would be doing all of the stuff they do today. Howard said he had a perfect score of 1600 on his SATs. He said there are guys who have a 160 IQ and can't even get out of bed. He said at least Paul went out and did something. Howard said he hates high IQ mother fuckers who don't do shit.
Howard said he thought Bill Gates was the guy and Paul was his Ralph. He said he thought he dressed him like his Ralph. Howard said he didn't know all of this stuff. Robin said they both loved computers. Howard said they met in high school. Paul convinced Bill to drop out of Harvard to create their operating system. Robin said Paul got into Washington State University with his perfect SATs.
Howard had fake Jimi Hendrix on the phone asking Paul to please stop playing with him. Howard said it must be annoying. He wondered what it's like to get a call from the guy asking someone famous to play with him. He said that he has to give them a lot of money. He said that he had to give them a million bucks.
Howard said it would have been more insulting if he got Nikki Sixx to come and be his plumber. He said Nikki would probably do it. He said he treated musicians with respect at least. He said he would love to know what he paid Ann and Nancy Wilson.
Howard said he has to see who else he played with on that album. He said he thinks Los Lobos was on that list.
Gary said Jon has a story about how Paul helped Bill meet women. Jon said that Paul would put Bill into classes that had only girls in them by hacking into the school computer. He said it didn't help Bill at all.
Howard joked about some of the musicians Paul hired doing work around Paul's house. Howard said he's sure he was good at playing guitar. He said a lot of that is like math. He said Paul restored his favorite movie theater to watch Sci-Fi films. He said that's kind of kooky.
Howard said he still likes The Walking Dead. Robin said she does too but a lot of the energy is gone from the show. Howard said he loves vampires and zombies. He said he's all for that stuff.
Howard said he watches some Saturday Night Live and some Supergirl. Robin asked if he's still watching that. Howard said of course. He said he has a little crush on Supergirl. He said if he was single he'd ask her out. He said that she's doomed because she's dating someone on the show. Robin said Keri Russell does that too.
Howard said he was watching one of the new shows he likes. He said he's watching FBI. He said the reason he's watching it is because of the name. He said he loves the FBI. He said that they have this super hot chick on the show who can figure everything out. He said she's super hot too. Robin said she doesn't even tune into those shows. Robin said Ronnie loves Quantico because there's a hot chick on it. Howard said if Robin was a guy she'd be doing that too. He said it's amazing how a hot chick will get you to tune in. He said he goes back to see that Robin Thicke song to see what's her name in it. He said that's Emily Ratajkowski. He said people hate her. He said the Daily Mail hates her. He said every day they have new pictures of Emily. He said her talent is being naked. He said they have pictures of her flaunting her pert derriere and flat stomach. He said he has to look at them.
Howard said he will scroll down and read the comments about Emily and these angry guys are complaining about her fish lips and her too skinny hips. He said that you can say she's boring or something but she's awesome looking. He said you know the people writing comments are hideous. He said that they just can't get her. Robin said someone saw Robin Thicke somewhere and he was doing covers. She said he wasn't even doing his own song. Howard said that was such a good video. He said he watches it like once or twice a month. He said Emily is naked in the video. He said just look at her. He said God bless the Daily Mail for sticking that stuff up there every day.
Howard said people say she has dead eyes and she's talentless. He said send him a picture of that person. He said he's sure they're hot.
Howard said if he had Paul Allen money he'd have Emily over to play in his band. He said she'd be in every one of his videos. He said that all of her selfies are practically naked. He said she's super hot. He doesn't care what the trolls write. He said that's when they lose credibility. He said they say she has kankles. He said that's where they lose him. He said she doesn't have Kankles. He said he hates all of those people.
Howard said get her in there and turn that song off. Fred had the Robin Thicke song playing. Howard said he should probably take a break but he doesn't feel like it.
Howard said he had an epiphany the other night. He said he thinks he likes his name Howard now. He said that he was thinking about names the other night and names like Jason aren't that great. He said Howard is just as good as that. He said it's going to make a come back.
Howard said Nick just released this poem about Bill Cosby. Howard played the poem that Nick was reciting. Howard went through each line and critiqued the poem. He said he likes Nick but he's trying to figure out what's happening.
Howard played the poem line by line and repeated it. He said he likes the bongos in poems like that better than this. Howard said Mariah Carey must have taken them in the divorce. He said Nick is getting really radical with the turban and this. Robin said this isn't radical.
Howard said this sounds like an old movie with the old time way of talking. He did his impression of that and came up with his own poetry.
Howard played more of Nick's poem and asked where he's recording this stuff. He said it must be at home. Robin said that you'd be embarrassed to do that in a studio. Howard said maybe he just bought a track of sax music and played that behind him. Howard said that's some old fashioned sax music. He did more of his impression of that old sounding poetry reading.
Howard played more of Nick's stuff and he lost him when he compared Cosby to Bill Clinton. Howard said maybe he forgot what he was talking about when he was free styling. Howard said he's putting on that kind of accent. He said he didn't do that on America's Got Talent. Robin said he's wrong. She said this isn't an accent. She said what he did on America's Got Talent was an accent. Howard said she seems to know so he'll go with that.
Howard said he knows Nick a bit. He said he gets tons of pussy. He said you have no concept about what tons of pussy is. He said this guy isn't angry at all. Robin said he might be disappointed. She said he has a great life but he's still a black man. Howard asked if he wants to suffer. Robin said he wants to say that he's being treated differently just because he's black. Howard said look at you. He played more of Nick's stuff where he's asking ''why Bill'' about Cosby.
Howard said he's going to do one called Why Nick. He went into his poetry and asked why he left America's Got Talent. He said he begged the guy not to leave. He said the show was a license to print money. He said that it has no competition and he laid it all out for the guy. He said he was terrific as the host and he told Nick all of this. He said Nick was upset that NBC had dissed him. Robin said that Howard is the guy who would have told Richard Prior to keep imitating Bill Cosby.
Howard did more of his poem about Nick leaving America's Got Talent. Howard didn't like the music Fred was playing so he had to change it up. Howard was asking Nick why he left when he had all of those girls back stage with him all the time. He went on and on asking Why Nick? He said all he had to do was sit there talking to Howie, Simon, Mel B and Heidi. He said he says he has integrity but he said he should have the money.
Howard asked Robin how that was. Robin said he was saying that he still has the women and he's still rich so there's no reason for him to be on that show. Howard did more of his poem asking why Nick and talking about how he had 3 phones for his penis. He said he needed two dicks. He said he gave up the cash and the perfect venue. Howard kept asking why he left. He said he has to sit there for 4 hours a day. Nick just had to do a few days and then a long hiatus.
Howard said he went to see Nick when he was shooting ropes and now he's got no hopes. He said he left the cash and the gash. He asked how he's doing. Robin didn't think it was very profound.
Howard said Robin likes this. He said this music is awful. Robin said it's amazing. She said Howard couldn't play it. Howard did more of the poetry and said he told Nick not to leave America's Got Talent. Robin said he felt straight jacketed. Howard said he said goodbye too soon to all of that poon.
Howard said they would have girls in Nick's dressing room and then they'd bring them all out to the audience. He said they were smoking hot. He said he could have been bathing in squirt.
Howard said that's what Nick is up to. He said he has to take a break. He said no one is even listening now. He said they all tuned over to Lithium. Robin asked who is listening to this stuff Nick is putting out. Howard said he has to get Nick in there to talk about what's going on. He said he has to find out how he makes money off of this stuff. He said he knows black people aren't into this stuff. He said maybe it's white college kids. Robin said they have to find out who his audience is. Howard said Benjy is a big fan of this spoken word stuff.
Howard said he ran into Benjy yesterday after the show and he told him he was just joking about his bad skin. He said he thinks he hangs out kind of waiting to see him. He said he'd prefer that he just go right home. He asked why he hangs out so long in the hall. He said don't get him started on Benjy. He did some material about him in that spoken word thing. Fred did his Benjy voice and talked to Howard as he was doing the bit. Howard said he has a good phony phone call. He said he should break first. Fred said he should. Howard said Ike Barinholtz did a phony phone call that's pretty fucking funny. He said he has to get to that and to Ronnie. He said he has to talk to Ronnie about his trip to Las Vegas. Robin said she understands there was some controversy out there. Howard said Ronnie thinks the trip went well and they think it didn't. He said he was out there yelling in the hall about that yesterday. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard said he saw that Ike's wife is with an account and it turns out she's a knock out. He said to have an accounting degree turns him on. He said that she's like the hottest accountant he's ever seen.
Howard said some of the guys are taking Ronnie out to a jazz club and he had no idea that he was a fan of jazz. He said it's his birthday soon so they're taking him out. He said he had no idea Ronnie was into jazz. He had Ronnie come in there to name two great jazz artists. Ronnie came in and said he went to a jazz club once. He said he enjoyed it. Howard said he doesn't listen to jazz though. Ronnie said no but he likes the club scene. He said this was all someone's idea there. Howard said Gary seems to think that he got tickets to the club. Ronnie said he likes the club but he's not that into it. Gary said that he got a note saying he was into it. Howard asked who else is going. Gary said Brandano, JD and Hein. Howard said Gary is going too. Ronnie didn't know that.
Howard said Gary wanted to get out of it. He said he said he wanted to hang out with those guys but then he got to go a few times and now he wants to get out of it. Gary said that's not true. He said he went once. He said he might not go because he has a lot of shit going on. He said he has a wedding and he has to go see his kids in school. Ronnie said he's going to a wedding the night before. He said he was talking to Brandano one day and he said he went to a jazz club. He said he had gone once years ago. He said it was kind of cool. Howard said he hates jazz. He said he loves rock. Ronnie said you sit there and drink. He said no one invited him to go anyway.
Howard said he'll get Ronnie in there later. He said that he has to talk to him about going to Vegas. Howard said he wanted to talk about Ronnie being into jazz but he's not really into it. Ronnie said he didn't say that. Howard let Ronnie go after that.
Howard read more email about yesterday's show. He had some feedback about Jimmy and Ike's appearances.
Howard said some people were disappointed that Jimmy didn't ask any of the things they wanted him to on Kelly and Ryan. Robin said maybe they told him not to bring any of that up.
Howard read about Ike having the sniffles on the show yesterday. Robin said it wasn't that crazy. She said he did have a few sniffles.
Howard said Ike does a very good Russian voice so they had him make a call to a conservative radio show. He said the people on this show are off their rocker. Howard played the call and they had Ike call in as a Russian citizen. The host of the show said she appreciates him calling in. Ike said Trump is a great man and the host agreed. Ike said he gets along with Putin and that's a good thing. Ike said so what if Russia messed with the election. He said that they have fake news about all of that. He said Putin will throw people in the prison and Trump should do the same thing. The host agreed and said imprisonment is a good thing. Ike said they have zero gay people in Russia. The host laughed. He said if you are gay you will be disappeared over there. The host said she doesn't like the gay pride parade. She said that she wants to visit his country after Ike said the U.S. will be like Russia some day when there are no blacks, Jews or gay people.
Howard said that Trump has to get on this thing with the journalist being killed in Saudi Arabia. He said that he's talking about money instead. He said that America has to get some balls here. Robin said Trump's logic is that we won the contract where they're going to sell them weapons and if we don't sell the to them then they'll get them somewhere else. Howard said fine, let them get them somewhere else. Howard said we could wipe Russia right off the map with our weapons. He said they killed a guy right out in the open and Trump is defending them. He said he might have to call him on this one. He said he has to tell him to get some balls here. He said he can't side with the Saudis on this one.
Howard said Canada is one of our biggest trading partners and Trump has no problem trashing them. He said whatever. They played a bit about Robin's constant laughter being talked about on Dr. Phil. Howard did a live commercial read after that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he remembers being on air during 9/11. He said that our military has died over in Afghanistan and Iraq. He said that the people who hijacked those planes were from what country. The caller said it was Saudi Arabia. Howard said he doesn't care how much money they have we have to stand up to those mother fuckers. He said we have to stick up for our country and fuck those guys. He asked where the balls are on this guy. He said this guy has to be a patriot. He said 11 of the 15 guys who hijacked those planes were Saudi. He said that he's not going to live under that Vladimir Putin guy. He asked when that started to be a thing. He told the guy to get the fuck off his phone.
Howard said we're still in Afghanistan over this 9/11 bullshit. He said that he's not sure what's going on but they're still over there dying. Robin said these people say you have to be a patriot but then they won't defend the country when it comes to this stuff.
Howard said this is nonsense. Robin said any time you say you're gong to lose business Trump isn't into that. Howard said they can't be doing this stuff. He said they tortured that guy and then sawed him up. Robin asked what information he had. Howard said nothing. He said no one pays attention to journalists anyway.
Howard said that's what Putin is doing over in Russia. He said that this prince is on the top of the world and having a party and then he gets a bug. Robin said Trump insists he told him sternly that he didn't do it and he's taking his word. Robin said he did the same thing with Putin.
Howard said maybe they'll fly another plane into a building here. He asked when Russia became our friend. Howard had a caller on the line who said Howard is 100 percent right. She asked where everyone else is on this. Howard said he voted for Reagan and Nixon. He said he was all over the place with that. He said he liked Nixon. He said he's not a liberal. He said he loves these kids in the military. He said they're brave and they have to go fight in Afghanistan. He said the Saudis flew a plane into their buildings.
The caller said she loves Howard. She said he has grown so much over the past 20 years. She said they're fantastic. Howard said he has grown. He asked how hot the caller is. She said Howard is the best. Howard let her go and said she's probably naked right now.
Howard took a call from Balls who asked if he's checked out the Beetle's channel. Howard said of course he did. He said it's his channel. Robin said that it brought up the conversation about who the greatest Wack Packer of all time was. Howard said that Eric the Actor was probably the greatest Wack Packer of all time. Gary asked if he was better than Hank. Howard said he thinks Eric was the best. Balls said he misses him so much.
Howard said the top 3 are all little people. He said it's Beetlejuice, Hank and Eric. Howard said if you're tiny you're great. He said people goof on them but you shouldn't. He said that they're great. Robin said there's a movie coming out with Peter Dinklage who will be playing Herve Villechaize. Howard said he'll watch that.
Balls asked who the most mentally sane Wack Packer is. Howard said if you're sane you're not in the Wack Pack. Robin said that people were declaring Beetlejuice as the greatest of all time.
Howard took a call from a guy calling himself Gay Brad. Brad said he's a little upset about them not having Cocktober this year. Howard said a lot of people didn't like it last year. He said people asked them not to do it again. He said he bowed to the pressure. He said that they're not a show that repeats a lot of ideas. He said that was a one off. Howard said they had cock bits every day of the month. Robin said she was disappointed this year too.
Howard said they did have the diaper challenge this year. He said there was a lot of penis in that. He said he got so much email about that diaper challenge. He read through some of the email about Sal and Richard and their diaper challenge. Howard said some people liked it. Some were complaining about it.
Howard said that he has to explain that the app is Howard 360. He said Jimmy Kimmel was confused about that.
Howard played a bit about the diaper challenge where they had Richard shitting his diaper and trying to make a comeback from that.
Howard said that was fabulous. He read a few more emails about the diaper challenge. He said people don't want to hear about politics but they want to hear about this stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they saw the end of the UFC fight where the guy jumped over the fence. Howard said he saw some of that after the fight. He said that he thought Conor McGregor was the best. Now he's getting beaten. Howard said Conor fought Floyd Mayweather and did really well. He said he isn't a boxer. Robin said he definitely didn't win that one. Howard said he thinks he did. Howard said he doesn't like that Conor McGregor got beaten by this Russian guy.
Howard said he has to go. The caller was way into the right stuff. He said he likes to watch the fight but he doesn't know all of the back stories. Robin knew some of the stuff so she was filling Howard in on it.
Howard and Robin talked about the melee that went on after the fight and how that might get more people to watch. Gary said there were people saying that he dominated the guy for 4 rounds. Robin said Conor McGregor is no good on the ground.
Howard said you know you have nothing to lose when you have tattoos all over you. Robin said she's not sure that he's not all there. Howard said you know he's nuts.
Howard took a call from a guy, Steven, who was calling in from Germany. Steven said he wants to thank him for decades of entertainment. He asked if the show app will be available in Europe. Howard asked how he listens to the show. Steven said he listens on YouTube to the clips that are out there. Howard said he keeps trying to stop that. Robin said he's not listening over there but he called in. Howard said he must know people who fought for the Nazis. The caller said not in his family. Howard said it's hard to find those people now.
Howard asked the caller if he's the only German who ever listens to the show. The caller said that he knows a British fellow who listens. Howard asked if he has ever met a Jew over there. The caller said he doesn't think so. Howard said they got rid of them so well over there. Howard asked if Heidi Klum is a hero over there. The caller said maybe for the women. Howard asked who else is German who made it in this country. Robin said maybe Rutger Hower.
Howard did his Heidi Klum impression for a short time. Howard said once Hitler killed the Jews they never went back. He said that they're all freaked out. Robin asked if Howard would go. Howard said no he won't even buy a spoon from over there.
Howard said he likes that 99 Luft Balloons song. He asked what happened to her. Steven said that she was a host on X-Factor over there. Howard had Fred play the song for the guy so he could interpret her lyrics.
Howard also had Fred play a Hitler clip and had Steven interpret that too. Howard said spread the word over in Germany. He said maybe he'll get that app for him over there. Steven said that would be awesome. Howard asked what he does over there. Steven said he works at a security firm. Howard asked if he protects a building. Steven said something about what he does. Howard asked what kind of gun he carries. Steven told Howard what he carries. Howard asked what kind of building he protects. Steven said it's a military base. Robin asked if he's in the military. Steven said it's a private firm.
Howard asked who his favorite Wack Packer is. Steven said he likes High Pitch Erik the best. He said he's not a big fan of Eric the Midget. Howard said a lot of German fans love High Pitch Erik. He asked about Angry Alice. Steven said that it's funny when Artie and her got together. Howard said that's old school. He said Artie loved Angry Alice. He said this guy is really a fan.
Robin asked what the most recent thing is that he heard. She asked how far behind he is. Steven said it was probably something from 2008. Howard asked how the Germans feel about Trump over there. Steven said he's not sure but he doesn't think he has that many fans over there. He said he's not sure to be honest.
Howard asked how much money he can make over there doing what he does. Steven said it's about 30,000 Euros. Maybe 35,000 dollars. He said he's working 12 hour shifts too.
Howard asked if he's getting laid over there. Steven said sure. Howard asked if he's married. Steven said no. Robin asked how old he is. Steven said he's 31. Howard wrapped up with Steven and let him go. He said he's never met a Jew. He sang a song to some German music that Fred was playing.
Howard said that guy is up to 2008 and Benjy is still skinny. Robin said JD hadn't gotten laid yet. Howard asked if he's ruining the show for him. Steven was still on and said he's not. Howard let him go after that.
Howard took a call from another German fan. It was the guys in the back playing Hitler clips. Howard thanked him for being a fan. Robin asked how fast they would have been carted off in Germany. Howard said that's why you have to take a stand as an American. He asked what's going on here. Robin said she's never understood being close with the Saudis. Robin said the women are allowed to drive now but they can't go far. Howard said they can sit in it and pretend they're driving.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that phony phone call from the Russian guy was funny and disturbing at the same time. Howard said that's what they were going for. He said they have some crazy shit going on in this country. He said he's not sure where he's living anymore. He said this is what's going on. The caller said it's unbelievable. He said all we can do is vote.
Howard said he should replay that call. He said that this is Ike calling into a conservative radio show as a Russian. He replayed the call that he had played an hour ago.
Howard asked who she is. He said she's awesome. He asked what her deal is. He said the country has gone insane.
Howard took a call from Pocket who said that Robin was wondering about that Barry Allen guy. Howard said Barry Allen is The Flash. He said they were talking about Paul Allen. Pocket said that Paul was terrible at guitar. Howard said that was a topic from an hour ago. He said he imagines he was a bad player but he was just having fun. Pocket asked who the funniest person alive is right now. Howard asked if it's the funniest comedian. Pocket said he would guess so. Howard said that the funniest comic out there is Dave Chappelle. He said he put out 3 Netflix specials that were amazing. He said it sounds like he's making it up on the spot. He said he's gotten it down. He said he gets why he left that show where he was making 50 million bucks. He said that there are a ton of funny people on the planet. He said that Dave is the funniest guy out there. Pocket asked about Jim Carrey. Howard said Jim is great too. He said there's no one funnier on an award show. He said he's so funny that it hurts from laughing. He said Dave is the funniest guy out there doing stand up. Howard asked if that answers Pocket's question. Pocket said it does. Howard let him go.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who was helping a customer with a delivery. Howard was going to hang up on him but he let him ask a question. Mike wasn't sure if he should watch The Connors tonight or not. Howard said Roseanne is that show. He said the idea that they created a new show is fine. Robin said he's asking if it's betraying her or not by watching the show. Howard said he has no idea. He said he hasn't put any thought into it. Howard said get off his phone already. Robin said he said he supports both Roseanne and John Goodman so he's torn. Howard said he has to get a life.
Howard played some of the voicemails that Michael was leaving for JD. Howard said Gary changed the name of his team to something. Gary said it's Herpes Ridden Failure because that's what they called Michael over at Barstool Sports where Rapaport was fired from. Howard played another message from Rapaport where he asked JD to call him back so he can tell him about being on top of him and being deep inside him. JD said he never calls him back. Howard said of course not.
Howard said Michael gets annoyed when he doesn't call him back. He played another message where Rapaport was going off on him for not cutting his hair.
Howard said at one point he was calling so much that JD's wife got mad about what he was doing on his phone. Howard played more of Rapaport's messages and someone was yelling at him for making those calls. Rapaport said he was on the fucking phone. He said now he got him in trouble with his wife. Rapaport said that JD isn't all he's cracked up to be. Howard said this went on all day.
Howard played another clip where Rapaport's wife took the phone from him. Howard said he's not sure if he's acting anymore. Robin said of course he is. Howard said he has to take another break.
Howard asked JD if he's freaked out that he has this going on. JD said he is. He said he went to see him in Higher Learning years ago and now he has him calling him and harassing him. Howard said JD must get off on it in some way. Robin said he must. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard said Gary and Steve Brandano were out in Los Angeles and they visited Largo out there. He said Steve works on their show and he informed them that you can hang out with cool people there at Largo. Fred did his Steve impression. Howard asked if it was cool out there. Gary said that Nick Kroll and some comedians were there. He said Bobcat Goldthwait were there. He said that he's still doing stand up. Howard said he didn't know he was still doing that. Gary said he was very funny.
Howard asked if it was as cool as Steve said. Gary said it's like a school auditorium. He said it was very nice but he didn't see any cool people there. He said when you're in the theater it's like watching a play. Howard said he's not sure why Steve said it's so cool. Gary said cool people perform there.
Howard had Fred doing his Steve Brandano impression talking about the cool stuff out there. Howard asked if Steve is there with him. Gary said he's not. He said he can get him down there. Howard said he'll probably move on before that. Howard asked if Steve thought it was cool out there. Gary said he thinks so.
Howard said Nick Cannon is going to be hosting a late night show on FOX so he's happy about that. Howard said Maria Menounos had a second wedding celebration. He said he's kind of shocked by that. Robin said that this must be a rebirth for her after her medical issues.
Howard said he has to play some of the Wolfie and Ronnie at the Exotic Awards. He said he's not sure why Shuli didn't do it. Gary said that's because Wolfie annoys Ronnie more.
Howard said they have some fuck ups from TV announcers. Howard had Jim Nance saying ''giant bitch'' instead of giant bench. Howard gave that a wow. He said that was something. He said people who do that must have something on their mind when they say stuff like that.
Howard played another clip where a guy let out a fuck on air. He played another one where a guy said ''post season'' but it sounded like pussy. Howard played another one where this guy said ''fags'' instead of flags.
Howard said sports isn't the only place for fuck ups. He said that this FOX News reporter said ''big dick'' instead of big dip. Howard played that one and the woman said she did say ''dip'' and nothing else. Howard said that she must be thinking about something else.
Howard said this one is a woman who said ''flu shit'' instead of flu shot. Howard said flu shits are the worst.
Howard got Wolfie on the phone and found out what the Exotic Awards are. Wolfie said that they're like the Oscars for strip clubs. Howard said it's like the perv Oscars. Howard said Wolfie went out to cover it. He said that Wolfie thinks that they're slowly weaning themselves off of Ronnie. He said they only let him work the red carpet and host the bikini contest. Wolfie said that this is what he's been told by the officials out there. He said that it's not his theory about it. Robin asked why they're trying to get rid of Ronnie. Wolfie said that he isn't reinventing his act every year. Howard said the idea of Ronnie being there is exciting but he goes up there and starts screaming and yelling. He said they're probably trying to turn it into something but Ronnie has no act. He said he just screams out ''Sixty nine'' and stuff.
Howard said that they were supposed to do a meet and greet out there but no one showed up so they canceled it. Howard said maybe he should get Ronnie in there. Ronnie came in. Howard said that they're slowly easing him out of the awards out there. Howard said Wolfie said that he didn't sell one ticket to the meet and greet. Ronnie said that he didn't have anything to do with that and the tickets were $400. He asked who would pay that.
Howard said he might as well play the clips. Ronnie said if they don't want him out there then don't invite him. He said they told him he was going to present an award but then he's not. He said that he was having a good time with the bikini contest. He said that was it. He said he co-hosted the show once and he presented and the past two years he didn't do that. Howard said this time they didn't let him present. Ronnie said last year too. He said he did the red carpet this year too. Ronnie said just tell him not to come.
Howard said he's going to go through it with Wolfie. He said that Ronnie admires strip club owners more than he does Howard. Howard played a clip where Ronnie was talking to this guy and he was gushing over him more than he does with him. Howard said just listen to this. Howard played the clip and Ronnie was talking to this guy who owns the clubs like he was the best guy in the world. Howard said he's talking about that guy much nicer than he talks about him. Ronnie said let him talk about his great reporter on the phone. He said that they were doing a welcome party the first night and interviewing people and his microphone breaks. He said instead of having an extra microphone with him he had to run up to his room to get the extra one. He said by the time he got back the red carpet was over.
Wolfie said first off he was not allowed to interrupt who he was interviewing. Howard said he could have recorded it though. Howard asked if anyone has ever heard Ronnie talk about him like he was talking about the owner of Rick's. Ronnie said he never talks about anyone there. Robin said all he retweets is that he's great and Howard isn't so great. Ronnie told her to stop it.
Wolfie said Ronnie has stars in his eyes when he's talking about these guys. Ronnie said he works for this guy and he knows that he's a good guy because he hears from the employees and managers. He said that's all.
Howard asked who Ronnie thinks is the better boss. Ronnie said Howard is. He said he's like the other guy and he's good to his people.
Howard said there were a lot of Russian strip club owners at the awards show. Howard played a clip of Ronnie talking to the Russian guys asking how to say pussy in Russian. They had him saying it over and over. Howard said he gets along with the Russians real well just like Trump.
Howard said that Ronnie really comes to life when he's around the strip club owners. He said if he could be there 24/7 he'd do it. Ronnie said he wouldn't.
Howard said Wolfie said that Ronnie has been in the industry for a long time and Ronnie didn't even dispute it. He got some advice for the strippers at clubs from Ronnie. Ronnie said that the girls have to have the right attitude to work at a club. He said you can't hate men. Howard said they all hate men but they can't have that attitude.
Howard and Fred did their impressions of Ronnie giving the girls advice. Howard said Ronnie does think he's in the industry. Ronnie said he has been involved with it for a long time. Howard said he's part of the Howard Stern Show and that's how he got that. Ronnie said he knows that. He said he doesn't have to keep telling him that. Fred Ronnie said that he's a CEO, a Cunt Eating Old fuck. Fred and Howard did their Ronnie voices talking about stuff like that for a minute.
Howard said that Ronnie didn't have much advice. He said he usually has tons of advice. Ronnie said they left some stuff out. Ronnie said Wolfie is a great reporter. He said he thinks he has to take him off of this stuff. He said they went to a strip club one night and Wolfie said he was just going to party and not cover it that night. He said he wanted to be the guy with the girl on his lap instead of the reporter. Ronnie said he's in too deep now. Wolfie asked if he believes any of that shit. Howard said sure he does. He asked if he got tainted. Wolfie said he's just trying to deflect now.
Howard asked what he observed. Ronnie said Wolfie got some lap dances and had a few drinks. He said he wasn't there for vacation like he was. He said he was hired by the big man to do a job out there.
Wolfie said he was kind of disappointed in Ronnie. He said that he just sat there at the club. Ronnie said he let Stephanie get the dances. Howard asked if anything went down. Ronnie said not at the club. He said when they went back to the hotel they were both charged up so they did stuff together. Howard asked if Stephanie was turned on by the chicks. Ronnie said she picks them out herself. Howard asked if there was any tittie rubbing. Ronnie said he wasn't that close. Wolfie said Stephanie goes into a trance when she's getting a lap dance. Ronnie said JD does too.
Wolfie said he did not get a lap dance out there. Ronnie swore on the life of his grand kids that he saw him get one. Wolfie said he just had a beer. Ronnie said that beer had two tits and an ass. He said that he must be doing damage control. Ronnie said he's not lying. He said he has no reason to lie.
Howard said that Ronnie got upset that he wasn't giving an award to the guy who runs Rick's. He had some audio of Ronnie saying that he should be presenting the award to Eric Langdon. They had Ronnie saying that Eric wasn't there last year because he was helping people recuperate from the god damn hurricane that hit Houston. Ronnie said this year he's there to accept this award that he's going to present him. Ronnie said that he was really drunk right now.
Howard said Ronnie needs him there to make him funny. He said he's going off half cocked. Wolfie said it's clear why they don't want to use him anymore out there. Howard said Ronnie should have written something. Ronnie said he would have if he was actually presenting. He said he was winging it. Howard said the guy's name is not Langdon. He said it's Langin. Ronnie said whatever.
Howard said at dinner Ronnie swore at the waiters and he went behind the counter for plates because they were taking too long. Ronnie said the girl was overwhelmed and all he did was go up and get some plates. Howard said he also went off on Stephanie for ordering the wrong meal. Ronnie said she didn't want it and she refused to return it. Wolfie said that this was like diva behavior. Ronnie said he just went up to the bus station to get the dishes. He said it wasn't behind a counter. He said he's bullshitting about the lap dance too. He said he can't help it if his wife doesn't like it.
Howard said Wolfie says Ronnie doesn't talk when he eats. He said Wolfie says he eats like a mental patient in a psych ward. He was hyper focused on his food. Ronnie asked if there's something wrong with that. Wolfie said he was at a table with his friends and he was staring at his omelet like a mental patient.
Wolfie said that Ronnie criticized Stephanie the whole time about the food she was picking at that time of day. Ronnie said he just knew she wasn't going to like it. Howard said it's almost like she's his kid. Ronnie said he knows what she likes. He said this was some kind of fish thing. He said he told her she wasn't going to like it at this place. He said he told her to return it if she didn't like it. He said she didn't want to do it. Wolfie said that she took a couple of bites and then Ronnie yelled at her. He said she sat there with a sad look on her face. Ronnie said she was yelling at him for yelling at her. Howard said he doesn't have to do that. Ronnie said it was like 2 in the morning.
Howard said he would never yell at Beth if she ordered the wrong meal. Ronnie said he wants to know why Wolfie won't admit he got a lap dance. He said don't go if you can't cover something like this. Howard said maybe his wife doesn't like that. Robin said maybe the stripper was wearing a back pack and just bumped into him.
Howard asked why Wolfie didn't record that dinner. Wolfie said some of Ronnie's friends didn't want their voices recorded. Howard said he could have cut them out. Wolfie said he based that on what someone said. JD said that Wolfie did record it but it was muffled so it wasn't useable. Howard said he needs a guy who can get the audio. Ronnie said it should be Shuli who goes out to these things.
Howard said Ronnie is out of control for yelling at Stephanie. He said you can't be a ''I told you so'' kind of guy to a girl. He said that you just say we'll get you something else. He said he was yelling at her. Wolfie said he was asking why the fuck she ordered that. Howard said Ronnie gets carried away out there. He said he has to watch himself. He said he's going to lose that girl. Ronnie said he had too much to drink.
Howard said hosting the bikini contest the next day cheered Ronnie up. Wolfie said he was dressed like a 70 year old skater. Ronnie said someone made him a shirt and he wore it. He said that's it.
Howard played a clip of the announcer introducing Ronnie at the bikini contest. They used Howard's name of course. Howard said they dragged his name into it. Ronnie was saying ''Lets get this shit started!'' over and over. Howard said this is why they don't want him out there. Ronnie said they told him to just be himself. Howard said last year he screamed the number 69 out and that game his catch phrase. He said this year he was just yelling it out for no reason. He played a clip of him doing that. Howard said Ronnie is 69 years old and yelling out ''Sixty nine!''
Howard said he has some audio of Ronnie's fun banter on stage. He played that clip and Ronnie was just yelling shit out like he has Tourette's. He said this might be too much. He said he should stop doing this. He said it's too creepy. Howard asked if he knows what he means. Fred yelled out as Ronnie ''In 50 years she'll be 69!'' about the 19 year old he was introducing at the contest.
Howard said he was listening to this at home and he had no idea what was going on. He said Harvey Weinstein called him and said he was cringing over this. He played another clip of Ronnie on stage talking about how he likes dog shows and then said that this girl brought her own drink. He let out an odd groan too. Howard asked what they were talking about. Ronnie said he doesn't even remember. Howard said it sounds like he came on a contestant. Ronnie said he never touched any of the girls. Howard said he knows. Ronnie said he never touches any of the girls.
Howard asked if the girls were running away from him. Ronnie said not at all. Howard asked what Wolfie was doing during all of this. Wolfie said he was just sitting back and watching it. He said he is entertaining. He said he can't put his finger on it but he is entertaining.
Howard said this is a good part of the tape. He said at some point the co-host changed the subject when Ronnie brought up dildos. Howard played that clip and the host asked how rough Ronnie likes it. Ronnie said he likes dildos in the rear end. The guy changed the subject quickly.
Ronnie said he's not sure why he'd even ask him that. He said he didn't ask himself that question. Howard asked if Wolfie was dying over this. Wolfie said there were kids up in hotel rooms watching. Howard had a clip of the host talking about how there are kids out there watching so they have to be careful. The host said he was told to clean up a bit. Ronnie was calling some glasses a girl was wearing ''Muff diver glasses.''
Howard said maybe some of the women were offended. Ronnie said he wasn't the one asking the questions. Howard said that they had to cut down his screaming into a montage. He played that next. They had Ronnie yelling everything he was saying on stage.
Howard asked if he has a voice when he gets back. Ronnie said he was fine. Howard said when he's around chicks with the drinking he's a whole different dude. He asked why he was yelling about hats. Ronnie said they were giving them out. Howard played another clip where they took Ronnie yelling and turned it into a song.
Howard said this is the final clip. He played a song parody about Ronnie but cut it off in a second. He said they don't need that. Howard said Ronnie is on fire. He asked if Wolfie has anymore. Wolfie said that Ronnie got tired and he looked like a boxer that went 12 rounds. Howard said his energy output is impressive. Wolfie said that he can't think of anyone who could do half of what he did with that much energy.
Howard said Robin has energy but not that kind of energy. He said that's crazy man energy. He said he has dubbed him the horniest elderly man in America. He said that he is amazing. Ronnie said his fiancee helps him a lot with that. He said she keeps him young. He said he found the fountain of youth. Howard said she must be dipping those ass toys in Meth. He said that he has an amazing energy level.
Howard said that he's going to wake up dead one morning. Ronnie said he's going to go out having fun.
Howard said he hung up on Wolfie. He asked the guys to get him back on. Howard took a call from a guy who said Ronnie is such a dick for throwing people under the bus. He thew Wolfie under the bus. Ronnie said he gets thrown under the bus too. Robin said Ronnie knew he was being recorded. Howard said this guy is making a good point. He said he does throw everyone under the bus. Ronnie said not everyone. Howard said he does to ballistic when he fights back. Ronnie said he goes right for the jugular. Howard said he has to calm down over there. Wolfie was back on saying he's allowed to get a lap dance and he just didn't get one. He said he's not sure why he's lying about that. Ronnie insists that he's not lying.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he agrees with Ronnie about Stephanie ordering that meal. Howard said he can't yell at her. Ronnie said he tried to talk her out of ordering it. He said they weren't in a fish house. He said they were in a diner. Howard said he gets it now. He didn't know she was in a diner. He said he wouldn't have yelled at her though. Wolfie said they were at the Hard Rock. He said it wasn't a diner. Ronnie said it was a diner. He said it was inside the hotel. Wolfie said it wasn't a diner. Ronnie said it's like a diner.
Howard asked what Ronnie had. Ronnie said he had an egg white omelet. He said he didn't yell at her at first. He said that she insisted on getting it. He said he knew she was hungry an he knew she was going to be bitching.
Wolfie said she was already mad at him before that. He said she was wearing heels and he didn't hold her arm or anything. He said she was stumbling over pebbles and things. Ronnie said she was walking with her friends. He said she always has issues walking in her heels. Howard said his dad used to get angry over dinner too. He said his father would freak out about ordering too.
Howard said here's what he would do. He said that this girl is great. He said you just live and learn. He asked why he cares so much. Ronnie said he knew she'd be bitching later on. Howard said so order room service. Ronnie said it was a matter of principle.
Wolfie said Stephanie walked away from the table after that. Ronnie said she did not. Wolfie said he has audio of her bitching about him after that. Ronnie asked where it is. Wolfie said he pulled it. JD said she wasn't exactly happy to walk behind Ronnie. Wolfie said there is tape of her reaction to Ronnie yelling at her too. Ronnie said fuck this guy. He said he got a fucking lap dance and had a beer while he got it. He said he paid for that fucking lap dance. Wolfie laughed. Howard said he bought him one and now he's throwing him under the bus. Wolfie said that's breaking the bro-code.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has never yelled at his wife in 28 years. He said you can't do that. Howard agreed and said he's never yelled at Beth.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Wolfie did a terrible job with this reporting. He said that there is no tape of this thing he's talking about. Howard said there may have been someone else editing it. Ronnie said maybe Wolfie should be editing it himself. Wolfie said he did edit tape and send it in. The caller said this is a big part of it and he should have had the tape. Howard said he's with him. He said he should have that.
Howard said JD did say that the fight was muffled and it was on Wolfie. Howard said this is blowing back on Wolfie now. JD said you couldn't really hear anything. Howard asked Wolfie what's up with that. Wolfie said that someone at the table didn't want their voice recorded. Howard said they could have edited that out. Wolfie said that's on him. He said he should have done something better.
Gary said they do have the clip of Stephanie complaining about Ronnie walking ahead of her. Howard played the clip and Stephanie said that she's a girl who says go 4 inches or go home and Ronnie is a good 6 feet ahead of them. Wolfie said that she could be dead in a ditch somewhere.
Ronnie said that all of the guys were walking together and the girls were together and Wolfie was there asking that question.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie shouldn't be leaving her behind. He said he still opens the car door for his wife after 22 years of marriage. Ronnie said that's great. The caller asked why he doesn't do that. Ronnie said that's just him. He said he was never like that before and he's not like that now.
Gary said they have more tape of Stephanie talking about how she wishes Ronnie would talk to her. In the clip Wolfie asked about what happened at dinner. Stephanie said that she ordered salmon flat bread pizza and it sounded good. She said the better thing for Ronnie to do would have been to just get her something else. She said he was asking her why the fuck she ordered it. She said he was very rude about it.
Ronnie said that Wolfie lied about that. He said this was the day after. He said that Wolfie said that she got up and the girls had to console her. Ronnie said that he claimed that everyone heard this. He said that's another place he lied.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wishes someone would punch Ronnie in the face. He said he's always yelling at everyone but he's probably never been in a fight. He said it's a constant tough guy thing with this guy. He said it shows he's never been in a fight with anyone. He said he has this attitude toward everyone. Howard said you know when you've been in a fight that the tough guy persona goes away. The caller said some day he's going to misjudge his audience and get his ass beat. Ronnie said that's fine. He said maybe this guy will be the one who does it. The caller said he doesn't hit old people.
Howard asked if he's friends with Wolfie now. Ronnie said he never was. He said he's there to do a job. He said he did it very poorly. He said he's not his friend. He said that he chose to sit at the table and record a muffled conversation. Wolfie said he likes Ronnie for the record. Howard said he can't figure out if he got a lap dance or not. Ronnie said he has no reason to lie about that. Wolfie said the lie doesn't make sense. He said he was sitting right next to him in a chair. He said he got a dance and had a couple of beers. He said there were a couple of girls who sat on his lap. Ronnie asked if he's not working and he's in the strip club then why is he there. Wolfie said he was recording him. Ronnie said he was not.
Howard gave Ronnie more advice about what to say to Stephanie if she orders the wrong thing. Howard said he has to treat her like a queen. He said she's not going to hang around if he's not.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they're begin tough on Ronnie. He said he's out of his league with this girl and he's getting laid so lay off. Howard said he's right because this girl is doing all kinds of things to Ronnie. He said that she's shoving stuff in his ass. He also said that he thinks Wolfie is lying about he lap dance.
Howard took a call from a guy who said fuck those guys who are against Ronnie. He said they have a big birthday coming up in 12 days. Ronnie is turning 69. Ronnie said he's doing a strip club appearance on that weekend. Howard said it's being billed as ''Ronnieween'' that night.
Howard wrapped up with Wolfie and Ronnie. He said that it got the two of them worked up. Ronnie said the recording was horrible. Howard said they'll have to see if he's invited back next year for the awards. Ronnie said if they tell him he's doing something then they don't have him do it then why invite him. He said he let them know that out there. Howard said he hired a limo driver and now he's doing all of this. Howard said next time do better taping Wolfie. Howard let him go and said this was some jam packed show today. He said people are paying for radio but look at what they're getting. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard said he and Robin were speculating on Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande. He said they got some email about that. He read some of that email. Howard said he was rooting for them. He said he has some talk of him running for president. He said that this person suggested Christina Ricci run with him. Howard said some people loved the song parody about Benjy's red, red skin.
Howard said he got jealous when he heard that Selena Gomes locked herself in a mental institution when she found out that Justin Bieber got married. He said that kid must know what he's doing. He said no woman has ever done that for him. Robin said that's not true. Howard said she's actually right. He said only one. He said it wasn't over him. He said there weren't a lot of options. Howard played that song parody about Benjy's skin.
Robin started her news with a story about Ariana Grande returning Pete Davidson's engagement ring. Robin said she's keeping the pig. Howard said he feels good about her returning that ring.
Robin said they say that Lady Gaga is engaged. Howard asked if it's to Bradley Cooper. He said they have such an intense chemistry on screen. Robin said she thinks that comes from not consummating the relationship. Robin said Lady Gaga has been dating this guy for 2 years.
Robin read a story about a hunter who may have died from eating the brain of a squirrel. Robin said he died of a rare brain disorder. Howard said he could never shoot one of those things. He said it is like a rat with a big tail but come on. Robin said this guy wasn't able to walk on his own after this case was reported. Robin said he had a degenerative brain disorder that is commonly found by eating from cattle infected by mad cow disease. Robin said don't eat squirrel brains.
Howard said when one of their pets die they get tattoos of their names on them and Beth wants to get the latest 3. He said he thinks he's not going to do that because he feels like he has a pet cemetery on his arm. He said the latest three are Charlie, Sophia and Leon. Robin said she was reading about all of the tattoos that Pete and Ariana were getting for each other. Howard asked what happened. Robin said they were busy at the tattoo parlor getting them done. Howard said Pete is only 22 years old so maybe this is for the better. He said it's very hard at that age. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Louis C.K. and how he's talking about how he lost $35 million due to his issues. Robin asked if that's enough of a punishment. Howard said it sounds like a big loss. Robin asked if it's okay to come back and be funny and start doing business again. Howard said he doesn't know the answer to that. He said only Louis knows. Robin said she'd like to know if he did anything to fix himself. She said he should be saying something about what he's done about his problem and not about his loss and what hell he's been through.
Robin read a story about the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame nominees being announced. Howard said he was thinking about someone who should be nominated. He said it was Jethro Tull. He said they should be in. Howard said they asked him to vote but Jon and Gary can vote so he's not going to do that. He said that Aqualung the album was amazing. He said Thick as a Brick is an amazing album. He said just listen to this. He had Fred play some of their songs. Gary said they've never even been nominated. Howard said fuck those guys at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Fred kept playing the Aqualung riff. He played ''Cross Eyed Mary'' and Howard said they made the flute cool. He said he loves this stuff. Robin said that Ian Anderson has said that he doesn't mind not being nominated. Robin said in 1989 they won a Grammy and the record company didn't even fly them over. Gary said they were nominated for best heavy metal and they didn't fly them over but they should have. Howard had Fred play ''Locomotive Breath'' and said just listen to this. He said they sold millions of albums. He said that he went to see them at Nassau Colosseum. Robin said they sold 60 million albums. Fred played Ronnie screaming ''Sixty nine!'' Howard asked if he's off base here. Fred said not at all. He said they don't like progressive rock at the hall of fame. Howard said come on.
Robin read about who the nominees are. Robin said Radiohead is nominated. Howard said they're good. They played some of their music.
Howard said he has the head of the hall of fame committee. Howard picked up and had Wendy the Slow Adult clips on the phone. The guys were playing clips of her answering yes to anything he asked.
Robin said Def Leppard is nominated. Howard said he has seen them in concert too. He said they're good but first Jethro Tull. He played some of their music. He said he loves that the one armed drummer went on to play. Robin said Stevie Nicks is nominated. Howard played one of her songs. Robin said Rage Against the Machine is nominated. They played one of their songs too. Howard said he would vote for them. Robin said The Cure is nominated. Howard played one of their songs and then a Devo song. Howard said they have to get Jethro Tull in before Devo. Robin said that Janet Jackson is nominated. Kraftwerk is nominated too. They played their songs too. Robin said that LL Cool J is nominated as well as Roxy Music. Howard said no offense but over Jethro Tull? Robin said Todd Rundgren is nominated. Howard said he raised Steven Tyler's kid or something. Gary said that's right. He said Todd knew it wasn't his kid but he raised her. Robin said John Prine is nominated too. She said MC5 is nominated and so is Rufus. Robin said only 5 get in out of all of those.
Robin said that Geoff Emerick, an engineer who worked on Beatles songs, is dead at 72. Robin had Howard play a Beatles song. Howard said he can still smell the bubble gum in his Beatles cards. Robin had Howard play The Beatles ''A Day in the Life.'' Howard said he remembers hearing that song at summer camp. He sang along with the song a bit. He said he remembers not getting laid to that. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Kanye West's visit to the white House. Howard said that guy is pretty wild. He said he knows people were upset about him but he says he is mentally ill. Robin said he says he was misdiagnosed. Howard said so what if he loves Trump. Robin said she's not sure what this is. Howard said he thinks it's racist when people say that they can't believe that he loves Trump. He said let the guy love Trump. Robin said he's right about that. He said he doesn't have to be resigned to voting on one side. Robin said that there might be something on another plane that they can't access. Robin said he thinks of his MAGA cap as his Superman cape. Robin had some audio of Kanye talking about that with Trump. Robin said she's not sure what's going to happen to Kanye. Howard said Trump just tweeted that Stormy Daniels is a horse face. Robin thought he was kidding. Robin said that a judge just threw out a case that Stormy Daniels had about the guy who threatened her not to come forward. Robin said that Donald told her that she reminded him of her daughter so that's an insult. Jason told Howard what Trump tweeted out about her being a horse face and her lawyer being third rate. Howard said that Angry Alice wears a Donald Trump t-shirt but she doesn't like Trump. He said he'll play that tomorrow first thing.
Robin had more about the Kanye thing and played another clip. Howard said that guy went on a long time and he kept Trump quiet. He said it's hard to keep him quiet but he managed to do it. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin said she was watching Saturday Night Live and Michael Che was saying that no one cares about global warming until it affects them. Robin said global warming could affect the price of beer. Robin said that might get people to listen. Robin said that people aren't doing enough to fight global warming. Robin said they're saying that crops of barley could drop from 3-17 percent and that would limit the beer supply. Robin said that would cut the amount of beer Americans drink. Robin said it could raise the prices out of reach of millions of people.
Robin read about the Powerball and megamillions lotteries being worth a combined billion dollars. Robin had more details about that. Howard said he wants to compliment Sirius for their lame Halloween decorations this year. He said last year it was ridiculous out there. He said that not everyone wants that stuff out there. He said now they have this dirty looking blow up of a witch and a Frankenstein or something. He said he can't wait to take his knife and stab them. He said he believes he had something to do with that. He said he heard Richard is upset and said he hopes they're not done decorating. Howard asked if Robin saw them. Robin said she didn't even notice it. Howard said he didn't even want those two things out there. He said he doest' want to feel like he's at a children's party. Richard came in and said he hopes they put up a ton more stuff. Howard said this is a company and they don't need that out there. Richard said he loves it. Howard said they're at work. Richard said last year they had bats hanging that were hitting Howard in the head as he walked out. Howard said he hates that stuff.
Robin said she has to admit that she likes the Dunkin Donuts pumpkin spice coffee. Howard wondered if he would like that. He did an impression of his dad talking about how you don't like coffee if you put anything in it. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started the show talking about how he's in the mood to sing. He did for about 2 seconds. He said he has a beautiful picture of him and Rob Zombie when they recorded the song ''The Great American Nightmare.'' He said they stood there and recorded this epic song. He said everyone knew there was an energy in the room and it would be a big hit. He said look at the amount of air play it gets. He said it gets played somewhere every day in this country. He said it's on this show but it gets played.
Howard said he's edited out of the song for the most part. He said he was told to sing it like he talks on the air and he tried to do it like Rob does and it was a disaster. He said he'd like another try recording a song with a star. He said even with Rob he'd do another one. He said that he wants another chance in the studio to have a hit song. He said this was his chance. He said it's a good song though.
Howard thanked Rob for putting up with him that day. He said he tried to help him do it but he just wasn't able to get that growl that Rob has. He said it was a big mistake leaving Robin at home that day. He said maybe she could have helped. Howard said Rob was gazing at him like he was Lady Gaga. He said no artist has ever brought him into the inner sanctum. He said he performed this song on MTV during the Private Parts premiere. He said Rob told him to put some talcum powder in his hair that night. He said he did it. He said what a day that was.
Howard said he didn't get to see his movie wife's new show last night. He said Mary McCormack played his wife in Private Parts and she has a new show. He said he has to watch it because he's loyal to her. Robin said she is too. She said she watches everything she does.
Howard asked what day it is. He said it's Wednesday and he made it. He said he's not sure what's going on with him. He said he's trying his best. Robin asked to do what. Howard said to keep it all together. He said he was with the therapist yesterday and that helped. Robin asked if he feels that the edges are slipping away from him. Howard said yes. He said he's down to 2 days a week and his therapist doesn't think that's good for him. He said he is making progress though.
Howard said he was reading an article about Chrissy Teigen and she said she really does care what trolls think. He said people claim they don't but they really do. He said the thing that has changed the world is social media and not for the better.
Howard said they have clips of Kanye West from after his White House visit. He said that things have changed but celebrities have always been nuts. He said Elvis visited Nixon in the White House. He said he was kind of the Kanye West of his day. He said there was one picture and there was no social media. He said Kanye is bat shit crazy but they bring in reporters and they cover every bit of it. He said Elvis was probably just as nuts. He did his Elvis impression and goofed on him. He said he was running around in a cape like he was a super hero. He said that Elvis used to rub the fat on his mother's neck. He said that's how nuts he was.
Howard said Elvis shot his TV once because he didn't like what was coming out of it. He said now they have Kanye. He said after the White House thing he got on Facebook and did a live video feed. He said if Elvis had Facebook, forget about it. Howard played the clip of Kanye where he was talking about mind control and social media. He said that you have things taken down that you post because it doesn't go along with the agenda. He also claims he has a 130 IQ.
Howard said he has to see that IQ test. He said that his father used to tell his grandfather that he had 3 million bucks in the bank. He said that's probably what they did with Kanye. He said that Elvis was crazier than Kanye. He said he wore purple velvet with a gold belt to go meet Nixon. He said he had a gun on him too. He said there was no tape recorder in the room. He said he was telling him he was anti drug but he was a drug addict. Howard said a couple of days later Elvis was driving around trying to do drug busts on his own. He said imagine if he had Facebook back then. He said that he would have been ridiculed like Kanye is.
Howard said all kids hated Nixon for sending them off to die. He said Elvis loved the guy. Howard did more of his Elvis and Nixon impressions. He had the two talking about the drug thing and how Elvis was dressed as Barney the dinosaur. He had Elvis telling Nixon about how he paralyzed a woman's tittie by hitting her with a pool cue.
Howard said Elvis makes Kanye look normal. Fred played some Elvis music and Howard sang ''Can't Help Falling In Love'' about falling in love with Nixon. Howard said Nixon let him in there. He said if Elvis had Facebook it would have been awesome.
Howard played more of Kanye rambling on Facebook. Howard said it's great when the dumbest guy in the room thinks he's the smartest. Howard said he knows he's an idiot. He played more of Kanye going on and on. Howard said he guarantees he has an average IQ. He said he's probably smarter than Sal though. Howard did more Elvis and sang another song with Fred playing the music for him. Howard had Elvis making crazy claims. He had him with his own Facebook channel. He was doing it like he was living today and had social media. He was farting and splitting his jump suit in half too.
Howard said imagine if he had his own Facebook. He said he would have made Kanye West look normal. He said back then celebrities were out of their mind. He said Marilyn Monroe was out of her mind. He said if they had Facebook they would have seen every moment of it. He did his Marilyn Monroe impression and made her like Lindsay Lohan trying to steal a child. Howard said every dumb word Elvis ever said would have been documented. Fred played another Elvis song but Howard wasn't singing that one. Howard did his Kennedy impression and had them talking about doing the Devil's triangle with Marilyn Monroe.
Howard did more Elvis and said just imagine that Facebook. He had Elvis talking about rubbing the fat on the back of his mother's neck. He said that guy was so crazy. He had Elvis talking about marrying a 14 year old and how he'd unfriend you if you make fun of him on social media. Howard had him blocking people for mentioning that.
Howard said now every celebrity has access to everything and publicist are pulling their hair out of their heads. Howard played more of Kanye's wacky rant. Howard said there's a song by that band that says ''fuck you I won't do what you tell me.'' Fred said that's Rage Against the Machine. Howard played more Kanye and Robin said it sounds like he's trying to brainwash her.
Fred played the song ''Killing in the Name Of'' and Howard played Kanye over that. Robin said he might have a hit song there. Howard did his Elvis voice more and had him rambling too. He said #DieOnTheDumpster
Howard said he only wishes there was Facebook when Elvis was around. He said they would have seen every crazy thing he did. Robin said there were a lot of people they could have seen. Robin said they had movie studios to save people from themselves. Howard said now they have to feed the beast which is social media. Howard played more of Kanye's ramblings and responded to it as Elvis.
Howard made up another Elvis song and sang about it being Karate Wednesday. He told people to follow his Karate instructor on Twitter.
Robin said that Priscilla Presley says that Elvis never would have been on Facebook. Howard Elvis said he has to go make doody now. He said he has to get his Twitter followers up. He said he's lacking next to Taylor Swift. He said Colonel Tom said he'll be on Tinder later looking for pussy.
Howard had Elvis making voicemail greetings and things like that for his fans. He said that you can come back and hang with him back stage. He said his mama will be there and you can rub the fat on the back of her neck. He said you can see his limo driver's hot chick of the week on Twitter too. He said this is Officer Elvis saying Adieu.
Howard said he would have had the greatest Facebook. Robin said he was ahead of his time. Howard said it would have been great if they had a microphone on in the White House. He had Elvis selling some junk on his web site and things like that. Howard had Elvis talking about his mama's goiter and how it's in his pocket as he performs his songs for you.
Howard said he's having a special jump suit made for his mama's goiter. He said it'll have one for itself.
Howard said he thinks rock is dead because of Facebook. Robin said all stardom is dead. She said everyone tells you everything they do. Howard said they would have #MeToo'd Elvis to death. Fred played another song and Howard was going to sing another one as Elvis.
Howard had Elvis talking about how he made a woman's titties into vegetable titties. Robin didn't get that one. Howard said he paralyzed the woman's titties. Robin laughed. She said she knows that story.
Howard said that would have been a wild Facebook thing. He said that they didn't even mention the Frank Sinatra channel. He said no one beats Elvis on Facebook.
Howard said that's how Elvis maintained the mystery. Robin said that Marilyn Monroe was a mystery too. Howard said he was into Jane Mansfield. He said she was actually smart. Howard said that there is an Elvis channel there on Sirius. Robin said she can't listen to that. Howard said he can't either. He had Elvis going off on Robin about that. Robin said she was listening to the Sinatra channel the other day and thought it was cool but not Elvis.
Gary said there are some guys who do a show on the Elvis channel and they all end up crying when they tell stories about him.
Howard was still doing his Elvis voice and talking about how he likes that Emily Ratajkowski. Robin said someone told her that Kanye doesn't like Obama because Obama called him a name. Howard was still in his Elvis voice talking about Facebook and how he has to delete that and get off of it.
Howard said he likes what Fred is playing back there. Fred said it's Karaoke. He had Heartbreak Hotel playing so Howard was trying to make up some lyrics. Howard said he wishes he knew the songs so he could make something up.
Howard had Elvis announcing he has vape pens for sale. Fred started playing fart sounds over the song he had playing. Howard said he's cracking himself up.
Howard was making up lyrics to Heartbreak Hotel and singing about Taylor Swift and how he wants to be like her.
Howard said Kanye West live streams. Robin said he'll do that and then delete his account. Robin said he has to disappear for a while.
Howard said the show is very good. Robin said she didn't know about it. Howard said Robin will like it. Mike said there hasn't been much press about it. He said it's very Gotham like. Howard said it really is. Mike said the best part was when he said ''Fuck Batman.'' Howard said that's enough of Mike. He told him to go call Bubba.
Robin said she was talking to Jason about the Batman where he shows his penis. Howard said they talked about that in the news one day. Howard said he's against that. Robin said maybe that's what drove Kanye crazy. Howard said he came twice when he saw that penis. He said he's not gay though. Robin asked what it had to do with the story line. Howard said he is circumcised. He said he can tell her that.
Howard said Jason has gotten so heavy that he doesn't want Robin riding the elevator with him. He said she has to use her head. Robin asked if she should just tell him that's his elevator ride and skip it. Howard said yes.
Howard took a call from a guy who was over in France calling in. He said he's studying abroad. Howard said they had a caller from Germany yesterday.
Howard said Jason told him he went on an eating tour of Italy. He said he should go on a walking tour. He said he went to a slaughterhouse and ate pig there. He said he'll talk about that some other time.
Jason came in and talked about how he was the fattest guy over in Italy. Howard said he saw old tape of early New York. He said people dressed so much nicer back then. He said it looked like Paris. He said he also noticed that everyone was thin. He said there was not one obese person. He said obesity is out of control. He said we're going to lose. He said we have to be ready. The caller said he lost 10 pounds being over there. Howard asked how old he is. The guy said he's 21. Howard said he sounds very young. Howard said Jason went to this place called Pig Island. He said he stuffed a pig with bacon and ate it. Gary said he stuffed that pig at his house. Howard said he'll talk about that later.
Howard told Jason he'll talk to him later. He asked the caller what he can do for him. The caller, Matthew, told Howard he's gay when Howard said something about studying broads after he said he's studying abroad. Howard asked him about being accepted over there and if that's working for him. Matthew said they are open minded out there. He said he grew up in San Francisco so he's used to being accepted. Howard found out he came out at 16. He said it wasn't a surprise to his dad but it was to his mom. Howard asked if he has ever gotten it on with a woman. Matthew said no. Howard said he's a gold star gay man then. Matthew said he is.
Matthew said Howard had some good advice about education. He said that he suggested being the CEO of your own education so that inspired him to do what he's doing. Howard said he'll probably become a lawyer and that's a good line of work.
Howard said he thinks this guy is a twink based on his voice. Matthew said he has been called one. Howard said he pictures him like Timothee Chalamet. Matthew said he's way off on that.
Howard asked if penis size matters to him. Matthew said not really. He said if it's big it can be too big if it's in your ass. Howard said that women say it matters. Matthew said it really depends. Robin said that it's going in different places. Howard said it's not that different. Robin said it really is. Matthew said Robin put it in her ass though. Robin said she' not going to talk about that with this guy because he's so young.
Howard said he gave this guy some advice and he took it. Howard said you have to treat your life seriously. He said that you have to get involved in your own life. He said too many people just drift through live. He said he's glad he's doing well. He thanked Matthew for calling. He let him go after that.
Robin said that's the greatest advice Howard has ever given. She said you're in charge of your life and you should have it go your way. Howard said he has no recollection of that moment on the show. He said he had no idea that he had said that. Robin asked if he saw that Dennis Hof died. Howard said he's going to do an obituary for that. Robin said they were talking about Howard in one of the articles she read. Howard said Dennis got so many guys laid. He said that he got Eric the Actor a threesome. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard said Dennis was up there and Gary would tell him the funniest thing is that he would be there and the Catholic channel would be there with their nuns in the lobby. Howard said the girls were hanging all over Dennis who they called ''Daddy.'' He said the nuns are out there in full habit. He said it's like every day up there is like Halloween. Robin said they don't even need decorations. Howard said he punched the blow up witch they have out there yesterday. Robin said they don't even need that out there.
Robin's phone went off so Howard told her she knows better. Robin said she was trying to get into a web site and she needed a verification code to get in. Howard asked what she's doing. Robin said it was Google. Howard said he guarantees that she's getting scammed. Robin said she isn't being scammed. She said she's on some crazy list now where she's not sure what they're speaking.
Howard said he got an email where they said they had hacked his account and knew the porn he was looking at. He said that they obviously don't know who he is. He said that they claimed they had video of him watching porn. He said that they don't know that he covers the camera up every time.
Gary said they get a lot of fishing scams there. He said that Robin once sent out money to someone that she thought was in trouble. Robin said she's being hacked. She said that it's AOL and they don't know how to keep accounts from being hacked.
Howard and Robin talked about a woman who was scammed into thinking that she was sending money to Bruce Springsteen.
Howard said that the world's biggest pimp is dead. Robin said he died in an odd way. Howard said he was a big guy. He said he wasn't obese but he was a big guy. Robin said he started to slim down. She said he was a lot smaller than he was the last time they saw him.
Howard said Dennis Hof has died at 72. He said people know him from this show or the show Cathouse that was on HBO. Howard said it followed the women and Dennis as his brothel. Robin's phone went off again. Fred played a ''You've Got Mail'' clip and some dial up sounds.
Howard said they knew Dennis and he was involved with the show over the years. He said his most famous brothel was called The Bunny Ranch. He said he owned 6 others. He said he died at the Love Ranch South. He said that he called himself the Trump from Pahrump. Robin said he was supposed to have a rally on Monday night because he was running for office.
Howard said the Love Ranch South is the place where Lamar Odom overdosed. He said that he was running for office and he probably would have won if he had lived.
Howard said Dennis had a party for his 72nd birthday and he had famous people there including Judge Arpaio. Howard said Ron Jeremy was the guy who found Dennis' body.
Howard played a clip of Dennis on the show talking about his business as a pimp. Howard said he has a clip of Dennis talking about his famous clients like Andy Kaufman. Carrot Top was mentioned by someone in the studio but Dennis said that he didn't say that. Howard said they say that he was worth $20 million. He said there must be a lot of money in that business. Robin said he was out there telling everyone what he does.
Howard said Dennis helped out with free sex for soldiers returning from the Iraq war in 2003. Howard said one of the most memorable things is that he helped Eric the Actor lose his virginity. Robin said he loved it there. Howard said Eric wanted to go back there and Dennis didn't know how to get rid of him. He said this beautiful girl named Hailey had sex with Eric. He said in this clip he's never heard Eric so upbeat. He played a clip of Eric explaining what happened to him out there. Howard said now that's Make a wish. He said thank god for Dennis. He said Eric did experience sex. He said he was a tough sell. He had a shitty attitude and he had some issues. Robin said that's one reason she appreciates women of the night. She said regular women wont do that but they will.
Howard said that Dennis also set up a threesome for Eric. Howard played another clip where Eric talked about having two women. Johnny Fratto was on the phone at the time too.
Howard said that was the late Johnny Fratto. He said that he loved both of those guys. He said he has weird feelings for someone who pimps for a living but he did get Eric laid. He said that JD also lost his virginity and he met this girl on Myspace. He said that Dennis called into the show and said he dated that girl too. Howard had a clip of Dennis calling in and telling Howard about this girl Courtney. She said she did sleep with him. Howard asked JD if he knew that. JD said it was the first time he had heard that.
Howard said it was weird because Courtney said that Dennis was a much better lover than JD. JD asked what you can do. He said that he was much more experienced than him. Robin asked if he's improved. JD said sure, he doesn't know.
Howard said in 2013 they had a Get My Grandpa Laid contest. He said they had some girls up there who were going to bang some old guys. Howard said they had some grandsons and granddaughters an they had a happy ending in there. He played a clip of the girls saying they should bring all of them out because they're all winners. Dennis gave all 3 of the grandpas some sex.
Howard said they had an 86 year old who won and the guy went to a steak house and choked on a steak and died. Howard said Dennis was so kind that he let the grandson use the freebie. Howard said he was sad about his grandpa but he didn't pass on the freebie.
Howard said they have a 21 load salute from the Bunny Ranch. He picked up and had the guys playing porn sounds. They had a guy cumming a bunch of times so that was supposed to be the 21 load salute. Howard said that he has to take a break. Fred played some music and Howard sang a song to Dennis. He sand about how creepy it is that the girls called him ''daddy'' and things like that. He sang about him being on Sean Hannity's show and how Johnny Fratto called him the Santa Claus of pussy. He sang about him asking Robin to work for him at the ranch and Robin said no. Robin said he died in his sleep. Howard sang about that too. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard said during the break he found out a story about Dennis Hof and Benjy. He said that Benjy went out to L.A. and Dennis sent over a girl for him in his room. He said that's what Benjy claims. Benjy came in and said he has never talked about that before. He said it is true. Howard asked if he was ashamed. Benjy said he must have been scared. Benjy said he spent a weekend at the Bunny Ranch once. He said he was paid to go there. He said it was very generous. Howard said he doesn't remember this. Benjy said he used the name Chad at the time. He said he didn't use the name Benjy. Howard asked how he promoted it. Benjy said they talked about it back then.
Howard said Benjy was given vouchers for the Bunny Ranch. Benjy said he was able to use 3 a day or something like that for 3 days. Howard asked if it was enough. Benjy said it was enough. He said between things it gets kind of like ''What is it you do?'' Benjy said he had a trailer and they had some trailers combined but you couldn't tell what they were.
Howard said he's all for prostitution and people not being locked up over it. He said he doesn't think he could fuck a girl who is being paid to fuck him. He said they end up going home and scrubbing themselves off.
Robin said Eric thought he was a good lover and that he had satisfied those women. She said they made him think he was awesome.
Howard asked Benjy about his weekend out there. Benjy said he had a good time hanging out there. He said Dennis had him come to his room while a woman was on his face or something like that. He said the depressing thing was that it was only about the sex. He said that there was a girl there whose room he fell asleep in.
Howard asked what happened with the hotel. Benjy said that Dennis sent this girl to his hotel room so he'd be sure to have a good time. He said he didn't have to pay anything. He said she even took him out to dinner. He said he hung out with the girls. He said they taped all of the rooms too. He said that they showed him that too. He said he was freaked out because one of the women had a pet bird.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they helped him through a tough time years ago. He asked why they have to hear from Benjy today. Howard said he thought he had something to add to the show today. The caller said they are in a time of #MeToo so maybe it's not the best thing to talk about. Howard said he'll end it then. They played Benjy out with a song parody about him.
Robin said she met a woman who told her she worked at the Bunny Ranch and she ended up telling her what a nightmare it was working out there.
Howard said that Robin will now sing a final tribute to Dennis Hof. He played Robin singing ''Hallelujah.''
After that they played a phony phone call to a Swap Shop show where Richard and Sal called in asking them to get to their lists of items for sale. Then they played a ''Musical Radio'' bit. They also played a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of the Seinfeld theme song. They went to break after that.
Howard said he should just play a song. He said when he drives around he listens to the playback and he wonders why he's playing a song. He said he's not sure what song would be appropriate. He said someone liked that Brandi Carlile song that she did in there. Howard said there was something she played. Fred said maybe it was ''The Joke.'' Howard said that was it. Fred played the song. Howard said he wonders how she's doing. He said he liked when she was in there. Howard said he was going to play a song and be quiet but he's talking over it. He said the song is about being bullied. He said this is for Melania. Howard said she wrote this for a little kid who was getting beat up.
Howard said he was bullied relentlessly. He said he was in a weird situation. He said his parents kept him there and thank god they did because now he's in a psychiatrist office two days a week. Robin said some day he'll come in saying he doesn't care anymore. Howard said he's a broken man.
Howard had fake Melania on the phone saying that it's true that she's most bullied. She said they make fun of her for her perfect body and designer clothing. She said she can hear the chants of ''Perfect 10, perfect 10'' when she was a child. She said Donald has been very kind to her. Robin said he treats women so well.
Howard said that it has to be tough to go through that. Fake Melania was going on and on about how they make fun of her designer clothing and her good looks. Howard asked if she has a message to send out. Melania said RIP to Dennis Hof and also said ''Be Best.'' Howard said if only he had that when he was a child he could have been the best.
Howard asked Melania to give a nice message to the people out there. Melania said that you have to ignore the uglies and it's not your fault if you were born good looking. She said that you can marry a man who can bully the bullies for you. Robin said she read a story about a couple who had a daughter so beautiful that they had to keep her in the house. Melania said that's what happened to her. She said everyone wanted to fuck her or make fun of her. She said she was 5 or 6 when she got her boobs. She said when you're hot it just happens.
Howard said he never bullied anyone. He said in the old days only ugly people got bullied. Melania said that they made her look at the ugly people and that was hard for her. She said she came to this country in shipping container where people like looking at good looking people. Melania said goodbye and mentioned that Donald's penis is better than ever and not smelly at all.
Howard said he's confused. He said she doesn't like Trump but she wears his t-shirts. Robin said she thinks she does that to harass her neighbors.
Howard said then Alice went off on him because she can't see Fred on the app. Howard said he talked about this on the air and he put up a screen so he can't see them but people watching on video can see them. Howard said obviously she hasn't seen the video. Howard played that clip and Alice said she didn't see Fred anywhere on that app. She said they need to block Howard's face. She said that he looks like a beat up witch. She said she would never see Fred. She doesn't like that.
Howard said they don't hide Fred from the audience. He said that she's not watching the app at all. He said Fred is on the app. Fred thanked her for sticking up for him even though she didn't have to. Howard said she's crazy. He said he will give her that he looks like a beat up witch. He said he really does.
Howard said Shuli asked Alice about the last time she was in a fight with someone. She said she got into a fight at KFC. Howard said it was about over cooked chicken. He said he poor girl who works there got yelled at by Alice. He said that she's just trying to make a living and Alice is yelling at her. Howard played a clip of Alice talking about that. She said they over cooked her chicken and she got up to go back and change to better chicken. She said she argued with her and she overpowered her. Alice was using the word ''spic'' to describe that woman. Alice was also saying that the woman had darker skin and she was acting more superior. Howard said he shouldn't even know about that but the darkness of the skin is a big thing in the black neighborhood. Robin said Howard knows things that other people don't know. Howard said he knows a lot about Vaseline for ashy skin and things like that too.
Howard said he shouldn't know any of that. Robin said yes he should. Howard went over more of the things he learned growing up in a black neighborhood. Howard said it was like that Twilight Zone episode where the woman was out of place. He said that was him. He said he should have been going to beach parties and things. He said there was no beach there. He said no one even knew about the beach.
Howard said black people in his neighborhood knew how to keep the white man down. He said he didn't even have a nickname there. He said he didn't know anyone that went to prep school.
Howard said Alice still hates all races equally. He played a clip of Alice talking about how she hates everyone on the street. Shuli was asking who she hates the most. Alice said she's most angry with the ''spics'' and ''n-words.'' Robin said she says that in a weird way. Howard said that she's very comfortable saying that. He said he loves Alice. They played a song parody about Alice.
Howard said he never met Drew or Mike. He said he knows of them. He said he knows they were very successful. The caller said he thinks they went off the air because of contracts and things. He said they had some complaints from the FCC and they got told to tone it down a bit. He said that put a damper on things.
Howard said going to satellite was the smartest thing he ever did. He said there is nothing worse for a radio guy than getting fined by the FCC. He said it's all because of the religious right. He said they want to control everything you say and what you do. He said they're not into freedom. Robin said they're not into the constitution. Howard said now they're sucking Russia's dick. He said Pat Robertson is on the air saying that they have to trust the Saudi's because they're our friends. Howard said he'll get to that later.
The caller said that they brought up Howard's name in the article about Drew and Mike. Howard said he loves the caller but he has to go. He said he's not sure what he's talking about.
Howard said radio was good in Detroit in 1980 when he went there. Robin said Mike Clark was an EMT and he got into radio. Howard said he was a stand up guy. Robin said he was never formally trained in radio.
Howard read about how Mike had to stop appearing because of a paralyzed vocal chord. He said that will stop you.
Howard said he worked at WWWW when he was there in Detroit. He said they were never able to get out of the basement there. He said he wanted to be on WRIF but he was stuck in last on WWWW. He said they had a guy named Arthur Penthollow on WRIF. He said he'd get on and say ''Baby'' and he had everyone listening to him. He said he had ''Baby'' bumper stickers. He said everyone loved that catch phrase of ''Baby.'' He said he had no catch phrase himself. He said he was trying some things but the people didn't like it.
Howard said there was a guy who was on in Detroit and called himself Dick the Bruiser and he was doing an impression of this wrestler of the same name. Howard said people loved it. He said he wondered how he could beat that. He said once in a while he'd call up Fred and have him do impressions. He said it was no contest.
Fred found a clip of the guy saying ''Baby'' after introducing a song. Howard said he didn't play ''Tequila'' on that station. Fred said he did that for this band that recorded an album with that song on it. Howard wondered if he says Baby again. Fred said maybe. They sat through the song waiting for him to say it again. Howard said this is annoying waiting for the Baby. He did say it again.
Howard said people loved it when that guy said ''Baby.'' He said he remembers Lee Abrams flying in to Detroit asking what the fuck is going on there at that station. He said they told him to yell out Cunt every 12 minutes. He said that would have won. He said he would have been on top. He said that's Ronnie's catch word.
Howard said he didn't know Drew and Mike but they must have been good. He doesn't know them personally. He said he never got to hear them. He said Mike is gone but Drew might still be available.
Howard said he never came up with a catch phrase of his own. He said he came up with Hey Now but that's stolen. He said that Eric the Actor had ''Bye for now.'' He said he should come up with something.
Howard said he's sure that Drew and Mike were good if they were in Detroit. He said that's a tough town.
Howard said Ronnie has ''Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop the clock.'' Robin said he has a bunch. Fred played some Ronnie clips where he's saying some of his catch phrases. They had him saying ''Cunt'' and ''Ass chreeks'' and things like that. Howard said Gary has ''Hello, hello.'' He said he was wearing that Atlantic Records t-shirt in that video.
Howard said Ronnie made Gary uncomfortable or something. Ronnie came in and said he's not sure what Gary was talking about. He said he heard exactly what he said. He said he felt uncomfortable like he shouldn't have been there. Gary said it was just an observation he made about that night. He said he didn't feel comfortable. He said he felt like Ronnie was kind of performing that night. He said he was saying that this is just what they do. Ronnie said he wasn't doing that. He said he wasn't doing a performance.
Howard said that Ronnie told him that Jon will never go against Gary on the Wrap Up Show. Ronnie said he has no idea why that is but that's true. Howard said JD sides with Ronnie. He said he says that Gary doesn't understand Ronnie.
Howard said Gary felt uncomfortable that night. Gary said they used to be able to talk but that Ronnie isn't around anymore. Howard said the guy in the car with him is a great guy. He said they talk about stuff and Ronnie is a very sweet guy. He said he can be very good to talk to. He said Ronnie the performer is something else. Gary said he defends Ronnie all the time and he is one of the nicest people. Howard said he's different when he goes out. Ronnie said he apologized to him for making him uncomfortable. Howard asked if he's going out with him or not. Gary said they'll still go out. Gary said he bought the tickets to go to the club and he told his wife about it and she said she hates jazz. Ronnie said he had a good time twice at a jazz club. Howard said just go somewhere fun. Ronnie said it was Brandano's idea. He said he just said okay to it. Howard said just forget it and go somewhere else.
Gary said they're going to dinner before the jazz club. Ronnie said he knew about that. He said he'll sit at the other end of the table.
Ronnie said he never gets anything from Jon in the way of support. He said he'll just sit there and not say anything. Howard asked Jon what's up with that. Jon came in and said that he talked to Gary about the jazz club and he was the one who wanted Gary to explain what he was talking about. Ronnie said that Jon is like Switzerland. He said he's neutral on everything.
Steve Brandano came in so Howard asked about why they picked a jazz club. Steve said he was listening to piano music in the green room one day and Ronnie asked if he likes this stuff. He said he dos and he asked if Ronnie likes it. He said he wanted to go out with Ronnie and asked if he wanted to do this. He said Ronnie said yes. Gary said some people are feeling left out on this. He said Richard is one. Howard said he'd blow him to leave him out of that.
Howard asked if Steve really enjoys hanging out with Ronnie. Steve said he does. He said he wanted to do this before it made it on air. He said now they'll get goofed on no matter what. Howard said it sounds like the most horrible thing to hang out with Steve and Ronnie that night. Howard asked Gary if he really wants to do this. Gary said he wanted to do the jazz club thing but Mary doesn't want to go. Howard asked if Jon likes jazz. Jon said he does. Howard said he likes everything.
Jon said when they go out Ronnie argues with Stephanie all the time. He said that's what they do. He said he talked to Gary about that on the air yesterday. Howard said it gets annoying when people argue like that. Jon said they just break each other's balls. He said they just have a good time out there.
Howard said Gary has to get out of this group. He said they really don't like him. Gary said he's kind of getting that. He said four years ago Jon, JD and his girlfriend went out. He said he wanted to go out with them. Howard asked what JD is like when they go out. He asked if he even talks. Gary said he does. He said that JD's wife loves him. He said that she really does. Jon said she talks more than JD does.
Ronnie said that JD's wife picks out his clothes and dresses him. She tells him how good he looks and things like that. JD said he'll get her opinion on it but she doesn't shop for him.
Howard asked if she compliments his appearance. Ronnie said she thinks he's cute. Gary said that they're going out to dinner and JD is a foodie now. Howard said if she's picking out his clothes she's not doing a good job.
Howard said he heard that Jon's wife picks out his clothes. Jon said she does the laundry every night. He said that he puts out his own clothes. Ronnie said he does their laundry. JD said he does theirs. Ronnie said he cooks dinner too.
Jon said that JD and his wife are the most touchy feely of their group. Ronnie said it's more her than JD. He said he'll put his arm around her and things like that. Gary said she's very fit and he thinks she could take down JD. He said she runs and things. He said she's in great shape. Ronnie said she has a running body. Howard said JD lost an arm wrestling contest against Robin. He said he's sure he can't take down his wife.
Howard asked JD if he thinks he could take his wife in a wrestling match. JD said ''Uhh... no.'' Howard asked if Ronnie does any of that stuff that Fred is doing at dinner. The guys said he doesn't.
Howard asked who has the better body, Jon or JD's wife. Ronnie said they're different. He said that Jon's wife is petite. Gary said she's super skinny. Jon said that they're always complementing her shoes. Ronnie said she wears cool boots. He said he always tells her how good she looks. Jon said it's a nice complement.
Howard said he learned something about JD's wife. He said she has a whole sleeve of tattoos. Robin said that explains a lot. Howard asked JD if he likes that. JD said he's getting used to it. He said she wants to get more. He said he's not that into it but she likes it so it's fine. Howard said he sees a woman with tattoos and he thinks she's wild. Robin said she tuned into the Wheel of Fortune last night and they had a woman who was completely tattooed. She said it was odd. She said she looked like she had a huge penis tattooed between her breasts.
Gary said he was watching this show and this guy had a solid black color on his arm. He said that was weird. Howard said Brent got a Joker tattoo that takes up his whole arm. He said no offense but the Joker is kind of outdated. He said it's weird to put a face on. He said you have to see this fucking maniac.
Brent came in and showed off the new tattoo. Robin said it was awful. Howard said that's crazy. Brent also had the anarchy symbol, Bizzaro Superman and other things on him. Howard asked Brent what's up with the anarchy symbol. Brent had an explanation for that one. He said just do your own thing in this world. Howard asked if he's getting more. Brent said he is. Howard said he thinks that people are mentally ill when they get that many tattoos. Robin said that he might be right in Brent's case.
Howard said he's had enough of everyone. He said he's worn out. Howard said they learned that Brent loves the Joker. Howard asked if he likes the Joker that much. Brent said he does. Howard said that's weird to be into him that much. He said he does love Brent though.
Howard said he has Brent on the phone and Brent agrees with Brent. Howard picked up and one of the guys in the back office was doing a Brent impression talking about the tattoos. Howard spent a short time talking to both fake Brent and real Brent. The impression was really good. Howard found out that fake Brent and real Brent are exactly the same when it comes to their work history and tattoos. Howard asked if real Brent wants to say anything to him. Brent said he sounds just like him.
Howard asked both Brents what they think about Saudi Arabia. Real Brent said it's the worst country in the world. Howard asked what was so bad about it. Brent said he was there in 1990. He said he got off this C5 plane. He said it was just so hot there. He said the laws are bad and there are religious police there. Brent said one time he was driving with a colonel and these 5 women showed their faces from their veils and that's like flashing over there. He said one time women were protesting there and the religious police came up and beat the shit out of them. He said it's insane. He said they'll beat up people playing music on the street. Howard said he likes that. He thanked the two Brents and wrapped up. They went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Fred is slipping a bit. He wondered if that's because Howard blocked him with the TV. Howard asked what he's slipping with. the caller said with the Tan Mom song he never has it cued up to the chorus. He said he had to be spoken to the other day with Jimmy in the studio. Howard said he might be right. Fred said he's all wrong. The caller told Fred to just tell Howard he doesn't like that TV. Howard told Fred to just thank the guy. Fred thanked Chris for the call.
Howard said Gary reminded him that he has not done the top 5 songs in a while. Howard said Lady Gaga an Bradley Cooper have the number 5 song. He said that's from ''A Star is Born.'' Howard said Bradley must be thrilled. He said he has a song now. He said that's crazy. He said they should go out on tour. He said number 4 is Lil Baby and Gunna. Howard played the songs and said that Post Malone is number 3. Juice WRLD is number 2 and Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B is at number 1.
Howard said that he's officially out of touch. He said he doesn't know who most of those people are. He said their friend Adam Levine is at number 1 though.
Howard said if he was an artist he'd have people come in and yell over his songs. He said he'd have that guy who yells out his name, DJ Khaled, do something. Howard said he likes that Cardi B. He said he bets she did her thing in one take.
Howard said he had one other thing to tell Robin. He said that Pat Robertson is talking about the Saudis. He said he doesn't know when things turned like that. He said we're America, we don't have to suck anyone's tit for money. Robin said they say we have to be patriotic but then they say don't bother the Saudis.
Howard played a clip of Pat Robertson talking about how the Saudis are our ally's and we need them to help with Iran. Howard said he doesn't want to get all political now. He said they should get to news.
Robin started her news with a story about the first lady's plane making an emergency landing this morning. Robin said they had to return to the airport. She said no injuries were reported. Robin said she was on her way to Philly to do a Be Best rally. Howard wondered if she and Donald are banging. Robin said she has no clue. Howard said Robin should investigate. Howard said he really wants to know. He said that Donald loves fucking so he needs to know. He said he wishes that Donald would call into the show and let him know about stuff like that.
Robin said that Simon Cowell got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Howard said he deserves it, he's so talented. Robin said of course he wants one. Robin said that they don't call his girlfriend a girlfriend. they call her a long time companion. Howard said if you have a baby with a woman you marry her. He said call him old fashioned if you want to. Robin said he's so proud of this kid he has. She said everyone was dressed the same too. Howard said that those stars are meaningless. He said you just pay for one if you want it. Robin said that the little boy was wearing blue pants just like his dad. Robin said there was a 12 year old kid in the photo. She didn't know who that was. Robin said that's the son of the guy who the woman cheated on with Simon. Howard said allegedly. Howard had fake Simon on the phone so he talked to him for a minute.
Robin read a story about a substitute teacher having sex with a student during a pep rally. Robin said it was in the classroom. Howard said he wishes that had happened to him. Robin asked if that was a female teacher with a male student. Robin said this was in Louisiana and it was a female teacher with the student. Robin said it was video taped by a 16 year old who was sharing it with other students. Robin said the teacher was charged with a felony and she could be in prison for up to 10 years if she's found guilty.
Robin read a story about an 8 year old who was killed by a log thrown out of an apartment building. Robin said the suspect is a 10 year old boy. Robin said the boy died of head injuries at the scene. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a new illness that's polio like and it's hitting people around the country. Robin said there's a doctor who says that people should not worry about it at this point. Only 127 cases have been reported. Howard said that Polio was devastating to this country. He said that with his luck he'd be the one in a million who gets it. Robin had more clips for Howard to play where they explain the symptoms. Howard said he worries that he's going to get this stuff when he hears about it. Howard said these kind of diseases create Wack Packers for them. Robin said they don't need them that bad.
Robin read a story about the guy who has been doing Big Bird for almost 50 years is leaving Sesame Street. Howard asked why he would do that. He said the guy must just be inside. Robin said he's played Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch. Robin said he must not be in the costume but doing the voice. Howard asked why he's leaving. Robin said maybe he's tired. Howard said maybe he's leaving to punch up scripts. He said he knew a guy who did that once. Jason said he is the guy in the costume. Howard said he looks like Big Bird and he doesn't even need a costume. Robin read more about this guy who played Big Bird and Oscar. Howard said they say that he has done over 4400 episodes of Sesame Street. He said what a great gig that is. Robin said no one even knows who you are. She said that's a great life. Howard dread that the guy is 84 years old. He said it's too physically taxing. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about an Uber driver who kidnapped and groped a passenger who had passed out in the back of his car. Robin said that he also charged her over $1000 for the trip. Robin said the woman claims she was going from New York City to White Plains. Robin said the guy allegedly changed her destination and took off with her. He allegedly touched her breasts and touched up her skirt. Robin said the guy dropped her 60 miles from home.
Howard took a call from a guy, Muhammad, who was calling in from Saudi Arabia who said he heard Brent talking about being here and it's much different now than it was then. He said they got rid of the religious police and they have theaters and things now. Howard said they should have free elections. Robin asked why it's okay to be a little better. Howard asked if the guy is gay. The guy said no. Howard said over there they don't let that happen. Howard asked who cares if someone is gay. He said this world is fucked up. Muhammad said there is no religious police now. Howard said there you go. He said you get to chop up reporters who criticize the government. Howard said Trump has to stand up and say we can't do business with you if you do that. Howard said it would help everyone if he did that. Muhammad said there is a very long way to go for women especially. He said they were also talking about 9/11 yesterday. Howard asked what happens if you look at porn over there. Muhammad said you can't look at porn there. He said it's blocked on the web. He said you have to use a VPN. Howard said he says every day that he lives in America. He said if he was born there he would hang himself. Muhammad said that Howard says god bless America but people there want to make it like Saudi Arabia. Howard said he knows these religious assholes want to do that. He said Trump has to stand up to this bullshit. He said Putin is treating Russians like they're children. He said Kim Jong Un is not a good guy. He's a scumbag. He said he liked the days when the CIA plotted to kill these guys.
Howard said this guy can't even watch porn over there. He said he can't see baby sitters fucking the parents. Robin said he can't even see them. Howard asked if he's ever gotten a chick to flash an ankle. Muhammad laughed. Howard said George Washington was the best president ever. He said they wanted to make him King of America and he said no because they just had a war so they didn't have to be under a King. Howard said these assholes want to give that up.
Howard said Kim Jong Un is over there with his own island and his people can't even eat. He said you have to liberate these people so they can have a life. Howard said you need freedom. He said there are laws and nothing is perfect but there is a personal freedom. He said the leadership makes you be religious and cover up your body over there in Saudi Arabia. Muhammad said he had to leave the country to see a naked woman. Howard asked where he saw her. The guy said in the U.S. He said he has traveled everywhere. He said he had to go home because his family is there. Howard asked what he's studying. Muhammad said he's 25 and he's studying Architecture. Howard said get a job and get out of there. Howard said he'd study how to get the hell out of there. Howard said that's where Pat Robertson should live. Muhammad said he loves his Pat Robertson. Howard told the guy to say he loves America. The guy did that. Howard played the Tan Mom song so he could sing about being free.
Howard asked what the guy jerks off to. He said he gets porn over a VPN. Howard said he won't even go to Italy. He said they're pretty free from what he hears but he won't leave. He said he goes to other states and he gets nervous. He asked if Muhammad has ever seen a Jew. Muhammad said of course. Howard asked if he hates them. Muhammad said of course not. Howard said he must hate the Jews. Muhammad said they don't have any Jews there. Howard asked if he has ever thrown a Jew off the roof. Muhammad laughed and said no. He said there are no Jews there and here are no gay people there. He said he had a gay professor who tried hitting on him but he's not gay. He said that guy isn't from there but he has a wife. Howard said of course he does. Howard said we live in such a crazy world. He said this guy could go to jail for looking at porn.
Howard said if he was the president he'd flood these countries with free porn. He said that way they'd calm everyone down. He said it's no wonder they want to blow shit up. Muhammad said it's just too warm over there. Howard asked what kind of porn he watches. Muhammad said it's MILF porn. Howard said that he doesn't get it when people are defending these countries. Howard said the greatest thing this Prince guy could do is turn to his people and say that he's been blessed in his life and tell them that he's no longer prince. He can serve for 2 terms and revolutionize the country. Muhammad said that there are people who are against that. Howard said religion is all made up by man. Muhammad said he can't say that. He said this guy is jerking off to MILFs but he won't admit to that.
Howard said he and Muhammad are brothers in this world. He said hang in there. Muhammad said fuck Benjy. Howard said he doesn't like what Benjy says but he doesn't kill him and chop him up. Muhammad said he's not for that stuff either. Howard asked what American celebrity he wants to fuck the most. Muhammad said he wants to meet Norm Macdonald. He said he likes Jennifer Lawrence. Howard said he had her there as a guest in the studio. Howard said how about Ariana Grande. Muhammad said no to that. He said she looks like a 14 year old. Howard said that's wrong.
Howard took a call from one of the guys in the office who was doing his Saudi voice talking about how progressive they are. Then they were chopping up a lady who was driving a car. They had a chain saw sound playing with a woman screaming.
Howard asked Muhammad what he can do now that he wasn't able to do in the past. Muhammad said he can go to the theater and he can go to concerts and WWE events. Howard said they give you shit over there. He said he hopes he doesn't get arrested for talking to them. Muhammad said he hopes so too. Howard let him go. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about The Connors debuting last night. Robin said it was formerly Roseanne. Robin said the person who is upset with the direction the show went in is Roseanne. Robin said they killed her off in the show and she said it was grim and morbid for normally happy show. Robin read about what Roseanne was saying about the new show. Robin said Roseanne wrote that she ain't dead on Twitter. Robin said the ratings were pretty high for the first episode of the season but not as high as the debut of Roseanne last season. Howard said he has a song Roseanne wrote for the theme song. He played ''Fuck The Connors.''
Robin read a story about how Donald Trump didn't have anything to do yesterday. Robin said he had a meeting with Mike Pompeo and he had to go to Saudi Arabia so Trump had some free time. Robin said he was making fun of Elizabeth Warren and Stormy Daniels. Robin said that Trump called her Pocahontas and she had a DNA test to prove she's part Indian. Robin said she was only like 3 percent so now Trump is making fun of her for that. Robin said if you look white just don't claim you're something else. She said that's her suggestion.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to mention something about Saudi Arabia. He said he's in the military and they have soldiers go over there for training and when they come back here they go right to the strip clubs. Howard said that's what he's talking about. He said that these countries are horrible. He said he loves the freedom here. He said he loves that they have the right to go to strip clubs even if he's not going to them.
Robin read a story about the President calling Stormy Daniels ''Horse face.'' Robin said she shot back at him about his tiny dick. Howard said this is crazy what's going on. Robin said she wrote back ''Bring it on tiny dick'' or something like that. Robin said Melania has said that she doesn't have time to think about what people are accusing her husband of. She also says that she wishes people would pay attention to what she's doing instead of what she's wearing. Robin said they keep making mistakes with what they're having them wear. Howard said that they say that the Kardashian's shows are going down in the ratings because people find the president to be a better reality show to watch.
Robin had some audio of Melania Trump in an interview talking about her jacket that said ''I Really Don't Care, Do You?'' Robin had some audio of her explaining why she wore it. Howard said how about just telling them instead of wearing a jacket. Robin had another clip where Melania was asked if Donald has apologized to her for anything since they got in the White House. She said he has but she will keep some private thoughts for herself. Robin said it wasn't the NBC incident so it must have been something else. JD said that the White House released a statement about that. Howard played a clip. They claim it's over the negative media coverage that they get.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton being asked if her husband having sex with Monica Lewinsky was an abuse of power. Hillary said she does not believe it was. She said that he should not have resigned. Robin said she thinks he should have stepped down. She said the country didn't need to be dragged through that nonsense. That led to Howard doing his Bill Clinton impression for a short time.
Robin read a story about Chance the Rapper who is posing as a Lyft driver to raise money for Chicago public schools. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Howard was still doing his Bill Clinton impression and talking to Robin as Bill. He said that cum stain on that dress is 22 years old now.
Robin had Howard play a Smashmouth song and said that the band is turning that song into a Broadway show. Robin said the only song in the show is that one. Robin said it will be sung several times during the evening in different ways. Robin said they will never sing another song. Howard said that's some idea. Robin said the band got an explanation for how it will work and the band went along with it. Howard did more of his Bill Clinton impression and told himself he liked his Elvis impression this morning. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Today's show was over around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:10am.