Howard started the show talking about how he's sick. He said he has a bad winter cold. He said he lost his voice over the weekend. He said he didn't care he got the cold but he has to be there on Monday to do the show. He said it's the one thing he has to have and he doesn't have it. He said fuck you to winter.
Robin said there's a big outbreak of the flu. Howard said he doesn't think he has that. He has to talk for 4 hours though. He said he's miserable. Howard said he doesn't care that he's sick. He said if he was home he'd just watch movies and lay in bed. He said he's reading that Trump book (Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House) and it's really well written. He said he's not learning much but he is enjoying it. Robin said all she's hearing is about stuff that's not important. Howard said he disagrees. Robin told him to tell her something that's important. Howard said he's too tired to do that.
Howard said he was going to watch the Golden Globe Awards but he went to bed early. He said he didn't stay up. He said it was smart to go to bed. He said the best thing to do is just sleep. He said his mother was lecturing him. He said She called asking what happened to him. He said he said to Beth he hadn't spoken to his mother in a while. He said he had to call her. Howard said She gets nervous and he gets nervous when he doesn't hear from him. He said they make Kirk Douglas look young. Robin said that's nonsense. Robin asked if he wants her to drag him out at 100. Howard said when you get to that age you turn back into a baby. He said getting old sucks.
Howard said he used to hear people complain about how they cant take a good shit or piss. He said he didn't know what that was about until now. He said now he knows. He said he's extra cranky but he supports women with the #MeToo thing. He said he doesn't want to be lectured by fucking Oprah though. Howard said all of this harassment stuff is from boys and the way they relate to their mothers. Howard said when their mothers lecture them it sends them into a murderous rage. Howard said this isn't the right approach. He said it's not the right place to give lectures on the Golden Globes. Howard said we do great with movies and TV here in the United States but don't get on TV and go on and on and on. Robin said it started on the red carpet.
Howard said he doesn't need a lecture. He said guys don't know right from wrong but they're not watching the Golden Globes. He said they're watching hockey. Howard said this is good for women though. He said that it might inspire some to stop their boss from harassing them.
Howard said he admires the men and women who are doing something. He said it's great but that Oprah. He said she's so affected now that She must think she's Maya Angelou now. Robin said She tried to see her side last night. Robin said She was trying to see what everyone else sees. Howard said maybe they're just jealous.
Howard said Reese Witherspoon was kissing Oprah's ass. Howard said She loves Oprah. Howard played a clip from the Golden Globes where Reese was doing that. She was going on and on in her speech and Howard said he must be jealous or something. He said Fred told him that Oprah's chair smells like apple pie when you smell it after She gets up. Howard said he smells Oprah Pie. He said when She squirts She could end world hunger. Howard said he wishes he could have given that speech. Robin laughed. Howard did his impression of the speech and talked about how great Oprah is. He was rambling about his mother and how She was complaining to Oprah about her bones hurting so Oprah did something so amazing and pulled out a huge booger. Then She fed her mother the booger and her arthritis was cured. He said her feces is completely odorless too. Howard was talking about how her used tampons cure acne. He said he had a terrible break out and Oprah rubbed it on her face and She didn't have one pimple. Fred was playing crowd cheers and applause as he did this.
Howard said he has to meet Oprah. Robin said she's not sure how he'll do that if he keeps doing this. Howard said she'll meet him. Robin said Howard is one that she's been able not to love. Howard said hope that some day she'll make diarrhea on you. He said it cures the flu.
Howard said that was a nice speech Reese made. Howard said Oprah must be something. Robin said the camera was on Oprah and She had o figure out what her face should look like. Howard said it's a lot of gushing. He said he's probably just jealous.
Howard said then Oprah got up and did her thing. Howard played some audio of Oprah going on and on about how men's time is up. Howard said She has that thing down. He said good for Oprah. Robin said it reminds her of an Obama speech. Howard played more of Oprah's speech and said he thought he was tuning in to see the guy who made The Room. He said She really laid it in. Howard did his impression of her talking about how if you have a penis She will hunt you down.
Howard told Robin to just read it or not. He doesn't care. Robin said he goes to McDonald's. So what?
Howard took a call from Apples who asked if he saw Kate Hudson with the tittie dress. Howard said he didn't watch it. He said the guys gave him a report and he did hear about her dress. Howard said it's weird to have your titties out wearing all black. Howard said Kate and Mariah Carey did it. Howard said She has some big titties. Apples said he thinks there were more titties out than that. He said Natalie Portman had her's out. Robin said Sharon Stone did too. Apples said something about someone with cucumber titties out. He said Alison Janney should win an Oscar for I Tonya.
Robin said Alison Janney always wins when she's nominated for something. She said She won last night. Howard said they should have a hashtag of #TittiesOut to go along with the #MeToo movement. Howard said why cover up if that's going on. Robin asked why they're putting them out. Howard said it's Hollywood and it's fun television. Robin said it's not for women. She said they dress for men. Howard said Robin knows everything this morning. Robin said Howard is the one who asks why there's no nudity in a movie. Robin said She doesn't enjoy seeing women naked.
Howard said he thinks that Kate Hudson got implants or something. JD said he thinks She had a little help. Apples said She cut off her hair too. Howard said he doesn't like that. Apples said he saw her in a commercial and She looked great with the short hair. Howard said she's hot.
Apples asked about Kirk Douglas. Howard said he doesn't want to get that old. He played a clip from the Golden Globes where they wheeled Kirk out. Howard said it's so sad when you get that old. Howard said he wants to get old but not that old. Howard played more of the clip and Kirk was trying to say something but it was all mumbles. Howard asked if Robin knows what he's saying. Robin said She does. Howard said he's saying he wants her to sit on his face. Fred played Crack head Bob audio clips while they talked about that. Howard said the Golden Globes used to be the fun award shows but not now. Howard said this got very serious with this #MeToo thing. He said Kirk Douglas is out there slurring his words. He said he approves of bringing older people out on stage but come on. Robin said they didn't need to mike him. Howard said he just said he shit himself. Robin said this was another moment when they flashed to the audience and they didn't know what expression to have.
Howard said Kirk got laughs and then he's encouraged to keep going. Howard played more of him killing on stage. Howard said everyone is wondering what the fuck this is. Fred had Crackhead Bob clips to go with that. Howard said then the daughter in law cut him off and moved on.
Howard said getting old really sucks. He said Kirk probably gave it to his daughter in law for cutting him off. Howard did an impression of Kirk going off on her. Howard said getting old is great. He said imagine when he got a hold of her when they got off stage. Howard did more of his impression talking about that.
Howard said She was just trying to move the show along. Howard had Kirk telling her she's a shit actress.
Howard said he's not in a good mood today. He said don't get him angry. He did more of his impression of Kirk Douglas. He said Katherine Zeta Jones should have told her to shut up and blow his son. Howard said this guy just keeps on going. He had a stroke in 1996. Robin said they keep bringing him out every few years. Howard said the only reason the daughter in law is up there is because he's the only one who can get him under control. Robin said he was a hero of his time.
Howard did more of his Kirk impression and had him asking where the titties are. Howard said he's not good in public. He said Kirk loves it. Howard said he doesn't care. He isn't reading the crowd. Howard said he kept on talking even after he had the stroke.
Howard replayed some of the clip of Katherine Zeta Jones talking about Kirk. Howard said She had her titties out too. Howard went into his agent voice and talked about having the titties out at the Golden Globes. The Agent was talking about some of the women there.
Howard said he didn't see the show. Robin said look at all of the comments he's making and he didn't even see it. Robin said She doesn't have to read the book if Howard didn't watch the show. Howard said touche to that.
Howard said there wasn't much on TV last night other than a hockey game and football. He asked how Seth Meyers did. Robin said he did very well. Robin said it's tricky work to host. Howard said the other thing the boys told him about was Nicole Kidman. Howard said Nicole was lecturing for so long that other people had to cut short. Howard said they couldn't cut the women off because they were talking about the #MeToo movement. JD said She did go on for about 2 or 3 minutes. Howard had some of the audio of Nicole Kidman making her speech. Robin said She thought She was wearing something that showed. Robin said She had to make out with her husband too. Howard said they're trying to prove something. Gary said She had gone on for a long time and lectured and then She said something about the love of her life, Keith Urban, and what he means to her. Robin said it took her a while to find his lips. Robin said they missed twice and then She finally got his lips.
Howard said there was one guy that took forever to get up on stage. Howard had a clip to play where they had to keep playing music while he got up there. It was the worst song ever. Howard let it play until the guy got on stage and it did take forever. He said it goes on and on.
Howard said there's a pecking order. He said film people are more important than the television people. He said the TV people are in the back and sides. Howard said radio has never made an appearance. Robin said the greatest moment was when James Franco won and Tommy Wiseau tried to speak and James cut him off. Robin said it was so perfect.
Howard said it's supposed to be fun there but it wasn't so fun this year. Robin said one of the funniest red carpet moments was when Michelle Williams had this woman with her and introduced her and then the guy from NBC tried to give her a regular interview. She was asked about what it was like being nominated and She didn't remember it because She was there talking about the #MeToo movement. Howard said he has that clip but he's not going to play it.
Howard said it would have been funny if they brought out Harvey Weinstein like King Kong and have him in chains. He said that would have been good. He said they could have lightning hit him or something.
Howard said people were booing Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey when Seth made jokes about them. Howard wondered if anyone got laid that night because things were so serious that night.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they let the women go on and on that night. He said it's like they told the men to keep it short and get off. Howard said you can't cut a woman off when she's making a speech about harassment. Robin said She felt bad for Guillermo Del Toro because Natalie Portman pointed out that all of the directors nominated were men. Howard said you have to let her do her thing. The caller asked if they think they told the men they had to keep it short. Howard said yeah. He played a clip of Laura Dern making a speech and going on and on.
Howard said you can't cut someone off when they're doing that. Fred played some playing off music. Howard said he wishes he had that for his mother when she'd lecture him. He said he'd love to be able to play her off.
Howard played a clip of Elizabeth Moss giving her speech. Howard said you can't cut them off when they're talking about this stuff. He said he's not sure where to play her off. He said she's about to go into it and you can't do it. Fred tried it with the music. Howard said see, where is he jumping in on this. Howard said imagine they did that. He said that would be fucked up. Fred played him off as he was making one of those speeches. Howard said you can't play a woman off in the middle of a story like that.
Howard said it would be funny if Kirk Douglas got on a wheelchair and chased women off like Benny Hill. He said you see him back stage trying to harass women nude in his wheelchair. Howard said it was very serious last night. Fred played the Benny Hill music. Howard said Katherine Zeta Jones must have gotten a lot of shit for cutting Kirk off. Howard said he was in the middle of a routine and She cut him off. Howard said imagine making it to 101. Robin said she's not sure that's making it. If you don't walk out you didn't make it.
Howard said he thinks that it means that the Oscars are going to be very fucking serious this year. He said the Golden Globes are supposed to be the fun ones. Howard said Gary Oldman won and he was happy about that. He said he loved that Churchill movie. He said he was a real hero. Howard said he should take a break. He said for a guy with no voice he seems to be rattling on.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's a huge fan of Robin's. She said She is doing so much for women. Howard said just compliment him if She could. He said Robin gets enough accolades. He said just say Howard. The caller said she'll do that.
The caller said She deals with a lot of women who have addiction problems because of sexual harassment. She said that it really messes people up. Howard said it does. Howard asked if she's hot. The caller said She thinks so. She said She has no idea who She looks like. Howard said please email a picture. Howard said then they'll get back to the serious stuff. Howard asked if she's married. She said she's not. Howard asked if She dates a lot. She said She has a boyfriend. She said she's 152 pounds right now. Howard seemed to think that was a lot. Robin said it depends on how tall She is. Howard said if she's 8'3'' tall she's good.
Howard asked what her question is. The caller, Jennifer, asked if a guy kissing you without asking is wrong. Howard said it is wrong. Howard said Sal was the first one to complain that you can't tell a woman She looks nice. Howard said that's right. He said just do your job and go home. He said it's so easy. He said women will let you know if they want to go out with you. Gary asked if you can compliment a woman on her hair cut. Howard said no. He said Sal doesn't get it. Howard said no one is looking for his compliment. Howard said just compliment your wife you dummy.
Howard said you don't tell a woman She looks nice. Howard said you don't send her pictures of your dick either. Howard said they don't want to see that. Howard said in porn you hear a woman talking about how they want to suck a cock but that's not real. Howard said it's so obvious. He said you're so much hotter if you don't act interested. He said don't play fucking games. Howard said Beth came up to him in a restaurant and said something kind. Howard said She was telling him She was into him. Howard said he asked if She wanted to go out to a club with them. She said not really but then She went. Howard said She started talking. Howard said She would have blown him off if She wasn't into him. Howard said he didn't give a fuck if She was into him because he's famous.
Howard said Sal is all confused. He said he once asked if he could be a woman's toilet paper as She walked into the bathroom. Gary said that's 100 percent true. Howard said that's who the women were lecturing last night. He said he should strap Sal in a chair and make him listen to Oprah. He said it would be like A Clockwork Orange. Howard played some Oprah audio from the Golden Globes.
Howard asked Sal if he watched the Globes last night. Sal said he went to bed. Howard laughed. Robin said of course he did. Howard said Harvey Weinstein is a big, fat boob. He said he doesn't know to keep his cock in his pants. Howard said a woman will let you know if She wants that. Howard said what a fucking retard.
Jennifer said that someone called in and asked why women didn't speak up. She said that these men can break you. Howard said there are reasons they don't talk. Howard said that the are afraid. He said he knows women who have been raped and haven't spoken up. Howard said a cop told one woman that he'd do something if She went on a date with him. Howard said She went ''fuck this'' and didn't do anything. Howard said the women lecture and lecture but alright. He said he should write these speeches. Jennifer said that he's right and he's good at what he does. Howard said none of the pervs watching that show were affected by that. Howard said they were just staring at the titties. Howard said it's all about tittie. He said some were showing and some were covered up. Howard said he wishes Joan Rivers was still around on the red carpet. He said She would have had a field day. He said they probably would have kept her off the red carpet. He said Ryan Seacrest was there wearing all black too.
Howard said he's sick and he's there for you. He said he's not sure he can do an impression of his mother. He tried it and it was fine. He had his mother talking about the sexual harassment thing. Howard said that's not so bad. He said he told his mother he was sick after not talking to her for a couple of days. Howard said he told her he can't talk long. Howard said he called and said hello and his mother told him to speak up. He said he was just calling to say he had no voice. She asked what was wrong. Howard said you would have thought She was dying. Howard said he knew it was a mistake calling. Howard said he told his mom it was hard to talk. She asked if he meditated. Howard said of course he did. Howard said She told him to do more when he's sick. Howard said She asked why he was ill and what was wrong. Howard said he was fine. He said She was asking if he was meditating and what else he was doing. Howard said he was drinking hot water too. He said he had to get off the phone. She kept him talking though. She told him to wash his hands so Beth doesn't get sick.
Howard said he gets off the phone and he has his mother talking about meditating to help. He said She tells him not to go to work if he doesn't feel good. Howard said this was on Friday. He said he was getting irritated by talking too much to her. Howard said She eventually let him go. Howard said She called him back asking him to call and let him know how he is. Howard said it's sweet because no one else cares. Howard said Beth was ready to throw him out a window. He said he'd be fine but he had to go to work on Monday. Howard said Robin doesn't even know how bad it is.
Howard said on Friday night he had mucus in his throat and he was choking. He said Beth was in bed and She was hearing this. He said that he was testing his voice too. He said it was upsetting her. Howard said he was a lot of fun this weekend. He said he's Beth's Keith Urban. He said Beth had to hear what was going through. Howard said he insisted that She stay in the room with him. Howard had JD come in to read the live commercials. They went to break after that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn even though he said people are complaining about her. Mariann asked when he's doing Letterman's Netflix show. Howard said he told her that. Howard said he doesn't know when he's doing it. He thanked her and hung up.
Howard said Netflix sent out a press release and it mentions him in it. Howard said the Today show picked it up as a story and they had pictures of everyone. He said they had a picture of him and it's not a picture of him. He said it's an impersonator guy or something. He said it's either Matt Lauer on Halloween or the impersonator who was on the show. Howard said he was looking at it like ''That's not even me!'' He said it's weird. Robin said they should have a file of Howard and know it's real.
Howard read about some of the other guests that Letterman is going to have on the new show. Howard said that Malala is on one. Howard said he thinks they're going to do all of the shows and release them as he gets them done. He doesn't know. Howard said Letterman's people want him to commit to a date and do a couple of hours with him. Robin said She saw it was in studio and outside. Howard said he didn't know that.
Howard read about how they're releasing one a month. He said he heard from his people and they have the Radical guys producing it. Howard said they wanted to do it in Indiana with Dave. Howard said he asked if they know who they're talking to. Howard said he doesn't know anything about Indiana. Howard said Dave grew up there, not him. He said he should be interviewed there in New York. Howard said they were serious too. Howard said he doesn't want to go to Brooklyn to do Jimmy Kimmel's show. Howard said he's not going to Indiana. Howard said you have to be fucking high. Howard said the Radical guys must be high. Robin said maybe they are. Howard said Indiana sounds like Mars to him.
Howard said Letterman is so into Ball State. He said that he loves that place. He said he gave them all of his junk. Robin said he goes back and does stuff all the time there. Howard said the idea was to meet there at Ball state. Howard said he would go to Syria before he'd go to Ball State. Howard said he won't go anywhere. He said he won't go to Israel even thoguh he's a big supporter. Howard said he likes that it's there in case the Nazis return. He said he hopes he'd be able to go there when it's time to leave.
Robin said Indiana might as well be India. Howard said she's right. Howard said he's going to interview cows. Howard said he's not even sure where Indiana is. Robin said it's in the middle of the country. Howard said you'd think Dave would try to forget Indiana. Robin said he seems to like the places he grew up in. Howard said he hates Roosevelt. Howard said someone asked if he'd like to donate to Roosevelt. Howard said no fucking way. He said he had a horrible life there. He said they should put a dome over that fucking thing and declare it a disaster zone.
Howard said he doesn't know where he and Dave are going to do their interview. He said he wrote to the Radical guys and said he's not going to Indiana. Howard said he won't do anything for anyone. He said he's a scum bag. He said he will travel but not to Indiana. Howard said he is very delicate. He said when he travels he gets ill. He said he wrote them asking to do it in front of a green screen and make it look like they're in Indiana. He said it will provide nothing to the show being at Ball State.
Howard said he has been invited to Harvard to go and speak and he says no. He said his parents would be proud but fuck Harvard. Howard said it didn't help him. Howard said he should send the guy in that picture that the Today show used. Howard said that's the guy who Dave can interview out in Indiana. Howard said he could do it there in his studio or even at NBC where they both used to work. Howard said that's what he'd do. He said he won't go to Indiana. Howard said when he travels he goes to visit his kids. He said they live around the country. Howard said he isn't going to Indiana.
Howard said he loves Dave. He said even he has to be wondering why he'd interview him out there. Howard said he can't be funny with Malala. He said that's not going to be a barrel of laughs. Howard said you'd think they'd pick a place to do an interview that has to do with the person you're interviewing. Howard said they don't care about him out at Ball State. Howard said maybe they've seen his movie or on America's Got Talent but that's it. Howard said he has to take another break so he can get caught up. He said he didn't get to the Year in Review again today. He said he wanted to do that but they're running out of time.
Howard asked JD if he'd like to see him interviewed at Ball State. JD said it might be interesting to see him out of his comfort zone. Robin asked when they wanted him out there. Howard said it was in February or March. Robin said it would be cold out there. Howard said it's also going to take a few days out of his life. He said he thought he was agreeing to do an hour or so on the show but now it's turning into days. Howard said he'd be honored to do the show but this is a big commitment.
Robin asked if he's going to spend a lot of time with him out there. Howard said no. He said he and Dave have had dinner plans and they never work out. He said that Dave doesn't like him. Howard said he did Seinfeld's show and he picked him up in a car and it was like 3 hours. He said even that was long. He said that was cut down to 19 minutes. He said it's so crazy. Howard said if Robin asked what his goal in life was he'd say it's to never go to Indiana. Howard said it's not fun for him. He said it's fun for Dave. Howard said he doesn't have time for that.
Howard said Dave has been good to him but he's never traveled for him. He said he has traveled for Dave. He said he doesn't want to be interviewed anywhere. He said there's enough of him on this channel. Howard said he will go answer all of Dave's questions but not in Indiana.
Howard took another call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked what Dave is thinking with this Indiana thing. Howard hung up on her and asked JD to do a live commercial read. JD did his thing and they went to break after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he lives in Indiana and he wonders if he's trashing them or what. Howard said he can't be that into Indiana. Howard said he has to get a life. Howard said if this guy said he won't ever go to New York he wouldn't care. Howard said he loves people who are into the state they live in. Robin said he must hoot and holler when he hears his state mentioned. Howard said Jackie would do that when he'd hear Long Island mentioned. Howard said his mom was like that too.
Howard asked the caller if he's going to hate him now that he wont go to Indiana. Howard said he just doesn't want to travel to Indiana. Howard said it's the fact that it has nothing to do with him. The caller didn't have a response. Howard said he has to get his shit together. The caller apologized to him. Howard said he should do that for anything he's ever taken offense to. Robin said that's funny. She said he's upset because he won't go to his state. Howard did an impression of the guy and goofed on him for a few seconds. Robin said She hates to laugh but that's funny.
Howard said we all live here in the U.S. and every state is great. He said not one is better than the other. He kept doing his impression of the caller complaining about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows he's not feeling well but he appreciates him being on the air. He said he heard that Dish Network and SVS Audio want to talk to JD about the commercials he read this morning. Howard said imagine they hire JD to do their commercial reads. Howard said maybe people will sign up for Dish now that JD has done it.
The caller asked Howard to do a bit where Tan Mom does a speech at the Golden Globes. Howard said don't write him bits. Howard hung up. Howard said start your own show for that. He said he'll be sure not to tune in. Howard said he has enough ideas of his own.
Howard said he loves how people love Steve Bannon now. He said they didn't like him before that book came out.
Howard took a call from a guy who pointed out that JD says ''da'' instead of ''the'' in the commercial reads. Howard said he has to do another one now anyway so he can correct him on that. Howard had JD come in and do another commercial read. JD made sure to say ''the'' instead of ''da.'' Howard asked JD about what he did for his girlfriend's birthday over the weekend. JD said he went to dinner with some of her friends. JD said he got her a present. Robin asked what it was. He said he got her some skis. Robin asked if JD skis. JD said no. He said he'll be playing Madden while She skis. The caller said JD did good with that one. He said it was much better. The caller wished Howard a happy birthday and Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Jim Breuer is there. He said Jim is one of his favorites. He said he looks good. Howard said he's sick so don't shake his hand or anything. Jim asked what he has. Howard said it's a cold. He said he lost his voice over the weekend. He said it's back to a degree. Jim said he's at that age when shit happens. He said he has coughs for six weeks and stuff. Howard said he heard he's going to the Mets training camp. Jim said he's going next week. He said he used to play stick ball on Long Island and thought he was a bad ass. He said it's hard but you're playing against 15 year olds. Howard said you're also hitting with a broomstick. Jim said the guys at fantasy camp are like 50-60 years old. He said the mound is really far away too.
Howard asked how he got into this. Jim said they asked him to go. He said he just turned 50 and he almost got into a fight at a Mets game. Jim said he was with his 12 year old daughter. He said he wasn't drunk either. He said he had to talk to his wife. He said he doesn't know what's wrong with him. He said he's becoming an old man. He said that this guy on his right was yelling about what a crap team the Mets are. He said they're long out of it. He said they're already bad and he doesn't need to hear this guy saying that. He said the Yankees have their own thing going on. He said they're on steroids and stuff. Howard said he'd be scared out of his mind when he was at a game with his dad and a guy was yelling like Jim.
Jim said this guy was yelling and he turned around and gave him the stink eye. He said he starts again and he's yelling about the Mets. He said he told the guy that they suck so bad but they're first place so they're not going anywhere. He said a guy 5 rows behind him says ''At least we're going to be in the playoffs.'' He said he turns around and the guy's girlfriend is filming him. He said he starts in with the guy asking if he wants to get into it. He said he has his 12 year old with him and he comes up with that. He said he saw the intensity that he was in and the guy goes ''I'm just trying to watch the game.'' He said he told them to keep filming and try opening his mouth again. Jim said the guy is like 30 and built. He said he's wondering to himself what's wrong with him. Howard said he should have done his Joe Pesci voice and taken out a bat. Jim did his impression of Joe.
Howard asked if his daughter was freaked out. Jim said She was ignoring the whole thing. He said he told her that he knew he went too far. Jim said he didn't want to do anything. Jim said they were just trying to enjoy the game. Jim said he had two friends there too and they wondered if he was okay. Howard said he should have fought the guy as Goat Boy. Jim did that Goat Boy character fighting with the guys in the stands.
Jim said his daughter didn't flinch. He said She was just watching the game. He said she's 12 and She knows. He said he just needs to relax.
Howard said Jim is invited to this Mets fantasy camp. Jim said he went there and he's still traumatized from being a kid. He said he had two incidents. He said he was in a game where the short stop threw the ball to him at 1st base and he didn't look at the ball. He said the ball went past him and he cost them a game. Howard asked if they hire him to go to the camp. Jim said no. He said they asked him to go and these guys really want to win. He said that they ask if you practiced and stuff. He said he went down last year and he pitched the first game. It was 7 innings and they shut them down. He said they won. He said he thought they were going to playoffs. Jim said the next day his arm was numb from his wrist to inside his elbow. That lasted into May. Jim said after a game you're in so much pain. He said that you see big balls hanging in the room.
Howard asked if he makes friends there. Jim said the guys there have a lot of money and they might have saved their whole life to go. He said it's like 5 or 6 grand to go. He said they have old coaches scouting you for the teams there. Howard said they get paid to hang out with them. Jim said they do. He said they have some great stories. Jim said he's fascinated with pitchers hitting people. He said he heard one story but he won't say who it was. He said he was next to one of the Mets and this guy tells him that he was on the Mets and this guy Steve Trachel was on the team. He said that JD is John Lackey. He said he has to get JD into a baseball cap. He said that anyone who watches will know who he's talking about.
Howard asked Jim what he was saying about the guy getting beaned. Jim said that this Ricky Henderson was gone from the team and the Mets are playing them for the first time. He said this guy Steve Trachel gets called into the manager's office and he comes out white as a ghost. He said some guys get weird before a game. He said Steve comes out white and fucked up looking. He said he said he was told to hit Ricky Henderson the first pitch of the game. Jim said the Mets are like ''Okay, this is going to be exciting.''
Jim said they're all excited about the game and they're ready to go down when Ricky gets hit. He said they're all ready to get into a fight. Jim said this guy walks Ricky because he threw so bad. He said he threw 4 feet into the dirt. He said they gave up 3 runs. He said at the end of the inning they call him in and the manager tells him not to miss his next time at bad. He said the guy pitches and Ricky hits a home run. Howard asked how that happens. Jim said that guy was sent to the minors after that. Howard said that's so great.
Howard asked Jim about training for the training cap. Jim said he has a pitching coach. He said he's doing it 2-3 times a week. He said he can't tell him how this is the greatest time of his life. Howard said Gary worked with a pitching coach for that horrible pitch he did. Jim said he has to be kidding him. He said that guy has to be outed. Jim said he threw about 70 yesterday and he'll throw more tonight. Howard said Gary worked with a pitching coach and a sports psychologist and it still went all wrong.
Howard said he was wondering why Jim can't host a Golden Globes kind of show. Jim said he's not an A-lister. Howard said that Gary Oldman does an impression of Winston Churchill and Jim could do something like that. Jim said that these guys in Hollywood are like gangsters. He said they do package deals and stuff.
Howard said he watches his old routines when he comes in. He said he watched every Joe Pesci sketch and he had great actors he worked with. He said Jim Carrey did his Jimmy Stewart. Jim said that was the best Saturday Night Live ever. Howard said that was a great sketch with Jim Carrey. Howard asked if they ad lib at all or was it all worked out. Jim said that Lorne didn't like a lot of ad-libbing. He said that he liked it all worked out. He said he doesn't like cracking up either. Robin said there's a lot of it going on now. Jim said he knows Fallon did it a lot.
Howard asked if he hasn't seen Alec Baldwin doing his Trump impression. Jim said he doesn't watch TV. He said that they got too crazy this last year. He said that he doesn't get involved. He said he's not intelligent enough to get into that stuff. He said he doesn't get political. He said everyone thinks they are. He said the channels are divided and no one knows. Robin said you don't know who is telling the truth. Jim said it's professional wrestling on a new level. He said for all he knows it's the greatest reality show in history. He said everyone thinks they know everything. He said they don't know anything. He said he doesn't know shit himself.
Howard said that one time in a sketch he had John Goodman playing Robert De Niro. He said they had Colin Quinn and Alec Baldwin once. Jim said he was the best. He said he did the sketch and he became De Niro. He said he was telling a story as De Niro and he was the guy. He said that Alec didn't want to do the character but they said all he had to do was the face. He said that was one of his favorite sketches of all time. He said that and when Pesci came in and did it. Jim said that Alec isn't selfish. He said that he was so great. Howard said when he did the Pesci bit he'd beat someone up with a baseball bat and then De Niro would come over and stomp on them. Howard said he loved that. He said even Alec Baldwin looked like he was really kicking the guy.
Howard said the other guy who was great was Kevin Spacey playing Pacino. He said he was really funny. Jim said that was one of the best shows they ever had. He said he didn't know Kevin was gay. He said he was a big fan of his. He said he came into the room and he gets really close and puts his hand above his knee talking to him. He said he and Pesci used to sing together. He said he didn't know if he was doing a gay thing or what. Robin said maybe he was playing gay chicken. Jim said he didn't think of that. He said he didn't know any better.
Jim said Kevin was holding his leg right above his knee. He said he thought it was just an L.A. thing. Howard said maybe he wanted him. Jim said when he came out of the room Colin Quinn was out there and said he was in there a long time with him. He said Colin told him Kevin is gay and Jim said he didn't know that. He said Colin told Norm or someone he didn't know he was gay. He said Norm said something about how he's fucking gay. Jim said he still didn't know. He said during the week he was still in denial. He said there was a young dude who came down the hall one day and he wondered what was going on. He said it was one of the best shows ever. He said he was so good as Pacino.
Jim said he and Kevin went into an alley and got stoned. He said he did Richard Pryor for a half hour with him. Howard said he's never heard him do Pryor. Jim did his Richard Pryor impression and he had Howard cracking up. Jim said he and Kevin were both doing the impression and his impressions were flawless. Howard asked if he kept in touch. Jim said he didn't. Robin said he might be able to get in touch with him now. Jim said some dark shit must have happened. He said he's not sure.
Howard asked if Jim has ever seen men acting inappropriately. Howard told him to answer as Joe Pesci. Jim said that it could mean many things. Howard said his Richard Pryor impression is spot on. Jim said he was the only guy who talked about real stuff. Howard asked if he inspired him. Jim said he taught him a lot. He said Chappelle taught him a lot too. He said he liked his very last special. He said that one was the Dave that he used to see all the time. He said it's heavy thinking and deep with something to say. He said he's brutally honest. Robin said She got a Richard Pryor vibe from that.
Howard asked Jim if he has seen anything in his career where guys act inappropriately. Jim said he doesn't think he's been in a situation that big. He said he hasn't seen that go down. Howard said he doesn't think he has. Howard said he doesn't really work with anyone. Jim said there has been many times when he's pitched shows. He said he's taken aback by the lack of male... Howard said this is wild seeing this. Jim said it's difficult to say. He said there have been times he's pitched a show and they say they don't like the show but they are unrelateable. Howard asked if he's saying if he had put out they would have picked up the show. Jim said no. He said he's not sure what he's saying.
Howard said Jim put out that heavy metal album last time he was on. Jim said that was a disaster. Howard said they thought he was going to be on every radio station with that. Jim said he was ready to go on a world tour. Howard said when you put out music you think it's going go be everywhere. Jim said that the producer was asking him how much money he had for this thing. He said he thought people were going to love the album. He said that the song was going to come out and it would be a hit. He said now he gets it. He said it's like anything. He said you need a lot of money to market it. Howard asked if it could have been a hit if he had marketed it. Jim said it could have been. He said he would have needed a million bucks to do that. He said there are two songs that could be monsters.
Howard asked Jim about Louis C.K. and what he thinks about what's going on. Jim said Louie was brilliant when he created that show. He said he was like ''screw you Hollywood'' and went out and did his thing. He said it was a ballsy move. He said he's not sure if he was the nicest guy but he never rubbed him the wrong way. He said he looked up to him. He said it motivated him to write down his life as a series. He said he inspired him to be better. Jim said years ago Louie was on a radio show and he was in a dark place. He said something had just been canceled. He said that he told Louie that he was on the cover of TV Guide and his commercials were playing and they fired him 8 days before his show aired. Howard asked why that happened. Jim said he's not even sure. He said while he was fired the commercials were still playing at the network. He said he was out to lunch and the waitress asked if they heard about the guy who was fired and it was him. He said Chappelle was there and laughing at that.
Howard said it was Chappelle and Jim who were doing the show together. Jim said that kind of opened the door for Chris Rock at the time. He did an impression of Chris Rock where it was hard to understand him. Jim said he really is hard to understand.
Jim said this was before Saturday Night Live. He said he was spending money like he had made it. He said he was at NBC and they were giving Kevin Pollock big money too. He said Dave had just come off of Comic Relief and they brought him back out and he had a deal with HBO. He said it was 2 one hour specials. He said he was just a kid. Jim said he was brilliant. Jim said their manager at the time finagled a deal and pulled them out of it. He said he had packaged them together into this spin off. He said they were going to be best friends who were black and white. He said he doesn't know if it was good or not. He said they were guaranteed 6 episodes. He said he remembers saying to Dave ''I don't know man...'' and telling him that HBO is the way to go. Jim said they were convinced to do this show and then HBO banned Dave. He said that they had a whole law suit over the whole thing. He said now the deal is broken and the two of them and the show doesn't go down. He said they had shot the show and they had advertising going. He said it was Tuesday after Home Improvement. He said they wanted to replace him on the show. He said he remembers at the time it was such a wake up call to Hollywood. He said they wanted to replace him and not Dave. He said he thought they were going to get rid of Dave because he would get lippy to Tim Allen. He said there were rumors they were going to fire him.
Jim said they had a rewrite the week of the show airing. He said he had friends out there for the premiere. He said that they asked him to come down to the room to meet with him. He said they told him that he and the show aren't going to happen. He said the guy tells him that he's not happening. Jim said the worst feeling in the world was for Dave. He said he just walked away from that HBO deal. He said there he is shot left in the street and there's nothing they can do.
Howard asked Jim about talking about that with Louie. Jim said he's telling Louie to go out and do something instead of just sitting there getting angry. He did an impression of Louie growling. He said that he can make money and he doesn't need that job. He said they all have bullet wounds. Jim said he has been there. He said he knows.
Howard said he loves that he went to the diner and the waitress brought up the show getting canceled. Jim said that the worst part is his mom asking what she's going to tell everyone at the Elk's. Jim said that there were rumors about who they were going to replace him with and it was like Brendan Fraser. He said that She said that would be amazing! He said that made him feel better. He said Dave went dark for months and he didn't see him until he was at Saturday Night Live. He said that they eventually did Half Baked together.
Howard said Jim's favorite band is AC/DC and they're falling apart. Jim said he has only met Brian Johnson. Howard asked if he's pissed he got kicked out of the band. Jim said he's not pissed. He did his impression of Brian talking about that. Jim said he got pissed about him getting kicked out. He said he and Brian were close. He said he loved coming to his comedy shows. He said Brian wanted him to come to his house so he'd do that. He said that Brian told him about getting kicked out of the band and he was ready to say something about it even if Brian wasn't.
Howard asked about George Lopez and how Jim loves him. Howard said he loves him too. Jim said he didn't meet him until Pat Monahan of Train did a cruise for the band Train. Howard said the cruise is with Train and they hang out with the fans on the cruise. Jim said they don't hang out but you're pretty into it. Howard asked if he might see Pat at the buffet. Jim said maybe if it's 4pm. Howard said he won't hang out with the fans but he performers. Jim said he won't hang out but they do meet and greet things.
Jim said he was asked to do the cruise and he got a room that was the size of Howard's studio. He said the balcony was like Howard's studio. He said they had him next to Pat. Jim said he remembers on that cruise they had a room bigger than Pat's. He said his room was the same as Pat's. He said by night 3 they were hanging out a lot. He said Pat is a phenomenal guy. He said he asked him to go sing karaoke one night so he did that. He said Pat needs body guards though. He said it's like Howard going out to eat. He said he needs people to be around him.
Howard asked what they did for karaoke. Jim said he did an AC/DC song. He said Pat asked him on a newer cruise and asked him to be in a music video. He said he did it and he went out and met George Lopez on the cruise. He said George came on the set and he's non stop from the minute you meet him. He said he was telling stories. He said he has stories to tell. He said there was some weird thing where he got into it with Joe Pesci. Pesci thought that he said he was short and he got pissed at George. Howard said Jim towers over the real Pesci. He said he saw that on Saturday Night Live.
Jim said that George told this story about Jack Nicholson. He did an impression of George telling the story about Jack smoking in a store and this guy is asking him to stop. He said George tells him that Jack asks what it is. The kid tells him not to smoke in the golf shop. He said George does this bit and it's so good. He tried doing the impression of George telling the story. He said he has to have him on to tell the story.
Jim said he has to have George in to tell the story about Pesci too. He said he was golfing with Pesci. Howard said that's funny right there. Jim ended up doing his Pesci impression and had him telling Lopez to get him a 9 iron.
Howard said Lopez is there with Pesci and then what. Jim said he's sorry if he's screwing up this story. He said he didn't tell George he was going to do this. He said there's a caddy on the course and you hear Nicholson yelling and cursing while he's trying to putt. He said he's having the worst time ever. He said the caddy asks if that's Nicholson. He said Pesci is talking about how he's telling him to take lessons but he won't listen. Jim said the caddy says he's sure he can help him. He said Pesci tells him to go up to him and tell him that he told him to say something. Jim was cracking himself and Howard up talking about this. Jim said the caddy goes up to Jack and George tells him you see the kid turn around and he comes back quiet. Pesci asks him what he said to him. He said Jack told him to take his tip and shove it up his ass. He said Pesci asked if he really said that to him. Then he asks if he asked if he told him to say he was friend of his. He said Pesci got insulted. He said Pesci walks over to the putting thing and they get nose to nose about that. He said that they're arguing out on the course about that. Jim was doing the voices for Nicholson and Pesci while telling the story. Howard and Robin were cracking up.
Howard said there's no way George tells that story better than Jim. Jim said he doesn't know many. He said he was cracking up. Howard said Joe Pesci is right. He said you have to take lessons. He said he had an uncle who never took a lesson. He said he'd be out there 17 hours trying to get the ball in the hole. Howard said he's just trying to do a favor.
Howard asked if his daughter is old enough to go to college. Jim said She is. He said she's down in Florida. He said it's interesting to see your kid go off on this adventure. He said he went to community college. Howard said they think they know more than you do. Jim said that she's there for a month taking psychology. Howard said she's trying to figure Jim out. Jim said the college is open and there are people there bare foot. Howard asked what kind of college that is. Jim said they're very open down there.
Jim said his daughter called and asked if he knew what we did to the American Indians. He said then She calls and asks if he listens to tribal Indian music a month later. Then a month later she's asking if he ever listened to Pink Floyd.
Howard said Jim put it all out there today. Jim said he's exhausted. Howard said Jim is doing a residency. He said he's going to be at the Paramount theater on Long Island. Howard asked if that's in Huntington. Jim said it is. Howard said he'll be there once a month. Jim said the first two are sold out. He said they are going to add a fourth show. Howard said he's like Billy Joel. Jim said he has a great following out there. He said he'll do a different show every month.
Howard said he should do that George Lopez story thing. Jim said he should ask if he can mock film that. He said that he will do his thing and do a sketch and some nights he'll do a Q and A and some nights will be story telling. He said they'll have all kinds of stuff going on. He said they'll do some rock improv too. Howard said he has to go. He wants to see what's happening. Jim said they'll have to put Howard in a box. Howard said he heard Kevin Spacey bought tickets in the front row. Howard gave Jim some more plugs and said you can go to OfficialJimBreuer.com for more info. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Jim Breuer is the best guest they have. He said they should have him on twice a year. Howard said they do try. He said he loves the guy. He said he's a nice guy and he has a positive attitude. The caller said Robin was laughing harder than he's ever heard. Howard said Robin should keep that laughter for him. He said She should keep quiet from now on. Robin said She was caught off guard. Howard said it should only be him. Robin said Howard is her hero. Howard said people got confused and thought Jim was her hero.
Howard took a call from Chad in St. Louis who said that Benjy tweeted about his dorm mate showing up. Howard said he has to talk about that because some of the guys have researched what he's up to. Howard said that you have to think about what Benjy is up to. He said he's in his 50s and living in a dormitory. He claims he has his own bathroom but he's not sure he does. Howard said he has a lot of questions about that whole situation and he may have to wait until tomorrow to get into it. He said it's so peculiar to him. Chad said they were very strict with that stuff when he went to college so he's not sure how Benjy is getting away with it. Howard said he thinks he doesn't have his own bathroom and he may be using it on that floor of the dorm. Howard said the whole thing is odd.
Howard said he should ask Benjy just one question as a teaser. Howard had Benjy come in. He asked Benjy about ending up in this dorm and if he has a student ID. Benjy said he has a Penn State ID. Howard asked if Security says anything. Benjy said he has befriended a lot of the security guys. He said that it's a nice studio apartment and it has a bathroom. He said he doesn't have suite mates. He said they could have more but he doesn't. He said no one has showed up. Benjy said for the record they call it a residents hall and not a dorm. He said it's offensive to call it a dorm. Howard asked why. Benjy said that's what they told him.
Howard said he has more questions but he's waiting until tomorrow. Robin said Benjy has an ID that must have expired years ago. Benjy said you can get a lot of discounts with that ID. Chad asked when people realize he's 50 and not a student anymore. Howard said they'll find out tomorrow.
Howard said people in the email were enthralled about that story last week. He said he should start news since he's not sure how much longer his voice will last. Robin said he pulled through today quite well. Howard said he sounds like an announcer with a deep voice. He did an announce for a Jackie Chan movie where he plays a farmer. Howard said he saw the movie actually. He said his daughter gets blown up in a terrorist thing. Howard said Pierce Brosnan is in the movie. He said Jackie Chan is beating the shit out of guys and he's a gun and bomb expert. He said he barely says a word. He said he never says anything to anyone. He said he loves that shit. He said he loves seeing guys beat the shit out of guys.
Howard said Bruce Willis is bringing back Death Wish. Robin said that could worked. Howard said Charles Bronson was like 95 years old and shooting everyone. Howard said he loves that movie. Howard said that's what people wanted to see him do. He said he knew his lane. Howard did some lines from the Death Wish movies. Howard said he thinks that Charles Bronson was deaf and that's why he spoke the way he did. Howard said he'll see that with Bruce Willis in it. Howard said Robin loves Jackie Chan. Robin said She doesn't know about that. She said She can't watch Arnold Schwarzenegger beat people up anymore. Howard said he can. He said he loves that stuff.
Howard said he likes that movie with Jackie Chan. Robin said Liam Neeson is coming back with some new action movie. Howard said why not. Robin said he's not that guy with the special set of skills but now he's another guy with a special set of skills. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about iguanas down in Florida falling out of trees from the cold weather down there. Robin said they go into a coma when it gets that cold. Robin said they are not dead but in a coma from the weather. Howard said his wife will rescue them. He said his wife was involved with a rescue this last week. He said people kick their cats out of their apartment and one was frozen on the street and still alive. Howard said they became aware of it and rushed it to the hospital. Howard said it was laying on the ground freezing and they took it to the hospital. He said they slowly thawed it out. Howard said the cat is alive and living with them now. Robin said you have to wonder about people who can do that to a cat. Howard said that's what pisses him off.
Robin read a story about how men are getting a new procedure done. Robin said men are lining up for penis whitening. Howard said his penis is the color of his skin but he's seen guys who have darker skin down there. Robin said it does come out darker sometimes. Howard said Eddie the Produce Guy was like that. He said he had a dark penis. Robin said this hospital in Bangkok is doing this whitening thing. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said She left someone off the list for people who died in 2017. Robin said Jim Neighbors died. Howard said he was going to do an obituary for him but he didn't get to it. Howard said he liked him. Robin said he did one of the greatest situation comedies ever. Howard said he read that he was gay and he lives on a pineapple farm with his husband and that blew his mind. Howard said he thinks Raymond Burr lived on a pineapple farm too. Howard said it's sad that he wanted everyone to think he was straight. Howard said he loves learning when someone is gay. He said he's a yenta and he loves to know.
Robin said Jerry Van Dyke is dead at the age of 86. Howard said he liked him too. Robin said he turned down Gilligan's Island. Howard said what a dumb move. Howard said imagine reading that dumb script though. Howard said he probably thought it was just bullshit. Howard said Dick Van Dyke was a huge star and he had to do something.
Someone brought in the Jim Neighbors obituary for Howard to go over. Howard had some audio clips of Jim doing his Gomer Pyle character. Howard said he was a mystery guest on their show back in 1983. Howard went over Jim's history in TV and his singing too. Howard said he could sing but it made no sense when you saw it. He said it was funny. He said he released 28 albums. He said 5 were gold and one was platinum. Howard had some clips of him singing. Howard said now he knows what Robin sings like. It's Jim Neighbors. Howard said that he had no idea that guy was gay. He said he should have known. Howard played more of his songs and said that Brad and George wrestle to this. Fred played Robin singing over that. Howard said he didn't know that he sang Back Home in Indiana at the Indy 500. Howard said he did it for his final time in 2014. Howard had a clip of him singing that. Howard said that's another reason he doesn't want to go to Indiana. Howard said Jim came out in 2013 and got married to his partner.
Robin read more about Jerry Van Dyke dying and how Dick is still around. Howard said Dick outlived everyone from the Mary Tyler Moore show. Robin said Carl Reiner is still here too. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Dunkin Donuts removing some things from its menu when you go through the drive thru. Howard said he didn't know they had a drive thru. Robin said they do have some but not in Manhattan. Howard said Beth got him the home version of Dunkin Donuts coffee. Robin read a list of some of the thing they're getting rid of. That led to Howard doing his impression of his parents talking about going to eat at Dunkin Donuts.
Howard said he has Howard from a Year ago on the phone. It was audio of Howard talking about how Dunkin Donuts coffee tasting like water. He liked Starbucks back then. He was saying Starbucks is 100 times better than Dunkin Donuts. Howard was arguing with himself. Howard clips gave him a big ''fuck you!'' too. Howard on the phone said only old people like Dunkin Donuts.
Robin read a story about Ray Thomas who is a founding member of the Moody Blues dying. Howard said he liked the Moody Blues. Robin said he died suddenly at his home in England. Howard said he likes the Moody blues. Robin said in 2014 he had announced he had prostate cancer. Howard had some of their music to play. Howard said his friend Lou Weinstein's birthday is today. He said he and Lou used to listen to the Moody Blues together. He talked about going over to Lou's house and his dad never said anything when he was high. He said Lou's dad even knew his son's name.
Robin read a story about taping of the game show Jeopardy is suspended because Alex Trebek had to have blood clots removed from his brain. Howard said you'd think that someone else could fill in for him. He said he is quick though. Robin said he's 77 and he's hosted the show for more than 33 years. Robin said on Thursday he was diagnosed with this condition after a bad fall. Howard said he's not going to be like that. He said he's going to retire. He said it's too much pressure. He said he wanted to retire after this weekend. He said he beat off twice yesterday and his voice came back. Robin said maybe he was just backed up. Howard said maybe that shit in his throat was semen.
Howard said it's scary when you get old what can happen. Howard asked how Pat Sajak is. Howard said that guy has a full head of hair. He said he doesn't want to give it up and get old. Robin said Vanna is still there. Howard said they never do a close up of her. Robin said of course not.
Robin said this weekend was the #TimesUp movement. Robin said people showed up in black to the Golden Globes last night. Howard said they were talking about that earlier in the show and talking about how they were upset here weren't more tittie dresses there. Howard said they have to thank Mariah Carey, Kate Hudson and Sharon Stone for their dresses. Robin had some clips for Howard to play from the Golden Globe awards.
Robin read a story about Ben Vereen being accused of harassing a woman while working on a community theater play. Robin said this actress says he lured her to a hot tub in his Florida home and touched her inappropriately. Howard said how come no one honors him for hiring a woman director for his film. Robin said he always works with women. Howard said she's not kidding. He said none of them sexually harass him. He said there was no nonsense on his set. He said Betty Thomas wouldn't put up with that.
Robin read more about the Golden Globes and said they're talking about Oprah possibly running for President in 2020. Robin had some audio from a news program where they talked about that. Howard said he doesn't want anyone as president who didn't serve in public office. Howard said Trump has a great life and he doesn't belong in there. He said it's not fun stuff. Howard said Oprah is in retirement and She doesn't need that either. Howard said he's going to back Sally Jesse Raphael. Robin said She thinks Oprah is going to run. Howard said he thinks it'll be Oprah, Trump and The Rock. He said this is so depressing. He said Jenny Jones might be good. Robin said maybe Maurey. Howard said no way anyone is voting for him. He said Judge Judy could be on the Supreme court.
Robin read about the consumer electronics show being in Las Vegas this year. Howard said Gary and Jon used to go. Howard said he would ask why they were going and Gary said they would come back with a report. Howard said no one cares. He said he's just busting balls though. He said he's grumpy being sick.
Robin asked if Howard knows Charles Manson left 2 wills. Howard said he does. Robin said there's a dispute about who gets his body and who gets control of his estate. Robin said there's a man who claims to be his son and another man who was visiting him in prison who are arguing. Howard said Gary tried corresponding with him but they didn't get an answer.
Robin read a story about the frigid temperatures hanging around in the area. Robin said they might get up to 50 degrees by the end of the week. Robin said they might get a wintry mix today in the city.
Robin read a story about President Trump going to Mar-A-Lago for a week and they got away from news about him. Robin said now he's back and they're getting all of this news about this book that came out. Robin said they're calling into question the president's sanity. Robin said they sent out Stephen Miller to do interviews and it got heated between Jake Tapper and Miller. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Robin said Trump tweeted that Miller crushed Tapper in the interview. Robin had some quotes from Trump about that. Howard said all of this is irrelevant. Robin said it's all a distraction. Robin read more about this book that came out and had more clips to play. She had a bunch of people talking about that book. Robin said Steve Bannon is actually apologizing for what he said in the book.
Robin had some audio of Lindsay Graham talking about Trump and what went on with Trump Jr. and Russia. Robin had more audio clips about trump from Bernie Sanders and
Robin read about how the justice department is starting another investigation into the Clinton administration.
Robin was going to give the winner at the box office from this weekend but She had thrown out the paper so She said she'll do that tomorrow. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started the show talking about how Benjy says ''Hard'' for Howard. He said he sounds like shit today. He said he lost his voice again yesterday after the show. He said he went to bed at 6pm and now he has anxiety. He said he feels fine but he has anxiety about speaking to you guys. He said he might be having a panic attack between that and President Oprah.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard will be our President in 2020. He said he doesn't want Oprah Winfrey. He said he's not into her at all.
Howard said he likes Oprah. He said he read her magazine and watched her show. Howard said she's a hard working woman and- She made herself into what She is. Howard said they say she's worth $2.8 billion. Robin said the stock for Weight Watchers went up for no apparent reason other than her Golden Globes speech.
Howard said that show was one big bore fest. He said that he agrees with women and men who are saying sexual harassment has to stop. He said he's not sure wearing all black does anything. He said he doesn't know. Howard said he just knows that the message was such a grueling bore fest. He said it was supposed to be a fun show business night. He said the men and women lecturing about harassment is good but it was a sermon. He said it wasn't particularly great. He said today on the front page of the paper they're announcing that it's President Oprah. He said he's just so sick of not Oprah but for the same reasons he didn't want Trump to run. He said he doesn't want Oprah to run. He said he doesn't want The Rock to run either. He said you have to have history of helping people run government.
Howard said if you have to go to a doctor to remove your prostate you're not going to have someone unqualified do it. Howard said he loves America but the people who live here are such morons. Robin said here's that New York elite telling us who to vote for.
Howard said many years ago he thought it would be funny to run for governor of New York State. He said he wanted to do it for a radio bit. Howard said he was on the air 5 days a week and against the best guys in radio. He said he was competing for people's ears and brains. He said he understands that game very well. He said in his own stupid way he thought he had something but then he realized he didn't have what it took. He said that he was going to resign after getting a couple of things done in office. He said he was going to turn it over to someone qualified. Howard said that was his platform. He said it was funny.
Howard said he went around campaigning and it became a spoof. He said he wanted to be on the ballot so he ran as a libertarian. Howard said he got some traction in the polls and then he's getting contacted by professionals in government. He said they wanted to join his team. Howard said he could have won this thing. He said they were going to get the office if he resigned. Howard said the people were trading favors with him and all of this.
Howard said in a poll he ended up in second place. He said in one poll they had him even. He said he was like ''Oh my god.'' Howard said he called his agent and told him he had to get out of this thing. He said these idiots were going to vote for him. Howard said he was going to have to show his taxes too. He said he wasn't going to do that because he doesn't want people jealous of what he was making. He said he got in touch with a lawyer and said he had to get out of this fucking thing. He said he had a shot at winning but he loves doing radio. Howard said he had to protect the people from himself. He said they were going to end up with inferior government. Howard said New York needs to be run.
Howard said he quickly got the fuck out of that thing. He said then he took shit for that. Howard said the first time Trump ran for President he was doing it as a goof to sell his book ''The Art of the Deal.'' Howard said the second time he did the same thing and sold the second book. Howard said this time it was the worst mistake he could have made. Howard said the idea that you can be President is fun but then the reality hits. Howard said imagine being the commander in chief. Howard said you have to tell people to go face the ultimate possible death. Howard said they have to go fight for the country. Howard said that's why people leave the White House with white hair. Howard said if you see children who rely on a welfare check and see they're in bad shape and then you cut it, that's hard. Howard said here are people who need money and it's a horrible job. Howard said in order to run for President he insists that you serve at least as a senator or congressman or governor or run a union. Howard said do something that gives you an expertise in serving the people. He said you must have a track record.
Robin said Howard insists. Howard said that's right. He said he is the laziest fuck except when it comes to radio. Howard said his impression of Oprah is that she's a lovely woman but a speech does not a President make. He said she's lovely but he's not sure what the fuck she's into. He said she's gotten used to a tremendous lifestyle. Howard said She walked away from her TV show because it was too much. Howard said She has a hard time saying no to things. He said that's why She has her own channel there at Sirius. Howard said when you get offered this kind of money then you go for it. Howard said he hopes She can sit herself down and talk herself out of wanting to be President. Howard said he wants someone in there who has served their country. Howard said he would like a female President. Robin said it might end up being Ivanka. Howard said can you imagine that?
Howard said it would be cool to be President but he's saying to Oprah that the country needs her to not run. Howard said he's appealing to her patriotism. Howard said do not run. Howard said he doesn't know Oprah and She doesn't want to know him but this is a personal message via SiriusXM. Howard said he could have been governor or even President. Robin asked if every President has been into it. Howard said not every President has been great but they've been into the job.
Howard said we don't have ambassadors in some countries because of this administration. Howard said it's going horribly wrong. Howard said Donald Trump is a friend so his and he's one of the best radio guests he's ever had. Howard said he's great on TV and in business but this isn't for him. He said Mueller is going to get a hold of him and Trump is going to ask what he did. Howard said go see this Winston Churchill movie. He said this guy rose up and led the people. He said he was into his job. He said Bill Clinton was into his job. He said the greatest President was George Washington. He said he was asked to be king of the United States and he turned that down. Howard said he limited being President to two terms.
Howard said we have to get someone into office who is into running government. Howard said Oprah has to say no. He said it's the hardest thing to do but you have to do it. Howard said he could have said yes to being Governor but he knew it would be a disaster. Howard said he wanted a real governor for the people of New York. He said he wanted someone who is at least going to try.
Howard said Oprah should be the President of Weight Watchers. He said She looked great. Howard said She should not run for President.
Howard said Trump isn't an idiot and Oprah isn't an idiot either. Howard said She is the same as him. Howard said they both have an empty dark hole inside of them. He said he went through psychiatry for that. Robin asked if She could be President. Howard said he doesn't want a witch as President.
Howard said Oprah says all you have to do is think positively and you get what you want. Howard said that worked for her but that doesn't work for everyone. Howard said you talk about women public servants who would be qualified and on the democratic side there was Shirley Chisholm. He said you go back through time and there were more. Howard said Oprah has to be a patriot. Howard said She made beautiful movies and She had Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz and all of that. Howard said She has to back out of this and not run. Howard said it would be a disaster like being governor would have been for him.
Robin asked why people are voting to ruin government. Howard said they're stupid. That's it. Robin asked how we got this dumb.
Howard said he has Jeff Jarvis on the phone. He said he has to take that call because he used to write for TV Guide. Jeff got on and thanked Howard for this. He said he's right about all of this and he doesn't think that Oprah should be running. Howard said there's this whole wave of celebrities who want to run. Howard said The Rock might run. He said the guy has rocks in his head. He said he's a nice enough guy but he should be President of shaving your body hair. He said that he was a representative for wrestling. Howard said The Rock was on the show a few times but he bailed on them after he got some fame. Howard said the guy is no rocket scientist. Howard said he asked how he got the name The Rock from his IQ. He said he's smart as a rock. Howard said he would put Putin in a head lock. Howard said he's good at Jumanji whatever the fuck that is.
Jeff said he blames Oprah for the rise of Donald Trump. She said She had people fighting about their sex lives on her show before anyone. He said then She backed up and saw what She had done wrong. He said She ruined TV and created the tabloid TV mess that leads to Donald Trump.
Howard said he thinks he was instrumental in creating Donald Trump. Jeff agreed. Howard said he says this with some pride. Howard said Donald always wanted to be famous. He said he helped his brand making deals for Trump Water and all of that. Howard said he was in the paper all the time and then they got tired of writing about him. He said when he met Donald he was great on the air. Howard said after the papers abandoned him he had him on and he killed it on radio. Howard said they didn't have him on cable TV. He said he was on their show. Howard said he was one of the best guests they had on the show. Howard said Trump would come on and say if you're flat chested then you can't be a 10. Howard said that's great radio. Howard said Ronnie is like that too. He said he's a great guest just like Trump is.
Jeff asked Howard if he thinks Trump knows he's performing. Howard said Trump is being Trump. Jeff said God help us. Howard said Donald doesn't want to be President. He said it was good promotion. He said the whole concept was that he'd start a TV network that was like a FOX News network. Howard said Trump has to be asking himself why these people voted for him. He said the more retarded he sounded the more he went up in the polls.
Howard said the guy who masterminded the whole Trump thing the first time wrote him a note. He said he could have had this all himself. Howard said he saw it when he ran for governor. Howard said he could have had it. Howard said he had a base and he had it all. He said people were angry. He said he never would have believed they'd vote for him because he'd say such stupid things. He said people loved it. He said that's when he called his agent and backed out of it. Jeff said at least he was going to quit. Howard said he's a patriot. He said he loves his state. He said you have to be out of your mind.
Robin said people don't have the qualities that Howard has. Howard said maybe he should run for President. He said to tell the truth he knows enough now to be very frightened. Howard said the world has taken a very strange turn. Howard said Robin was right when She said not every President was great. Howard said there is a vetting that we used to do. Howard said that it's a certain gravi tas. He said you have to go with someone who has served and has a record. He said you have to know what they have done in the past. Robin said She spoke to Trump voters before the election and the fact that they didn't know about how he votes was an attraction to them.
Howard said he didn't know what he was doing when he was running for governor. He said that he went up in the polls because of that. Robin said that's what people want. Jeff said it's anger.
Howard asked Jeff what he's doing this day. Jeff said he's a professor of journalism. He said he's trying to fix this mess. Jeff said that the majority of people didn't vote for Trump but they don't talk about that.
Howard said he heard from some people who didn't vote and he says get the fuck out of his face. Howard said during World War II we were this close to losing that war. He said that the French laid down so fast that even Hitler didn't believe it. Howard said the world is a dangerous place. He said we need a Winston Churchill. Howard said Donald was just being Donald and he didn't do anything wrong. Howard said he didn't either but you don't have any business voting for him.
Jeff said he thinks Donald and Oprah believe that they deserve this. Howard said Oprah has to say no to some things. Robin said when Reese Witherspoon is introducing you then how do you have a grounded sense of who you are. Howard said he demands that Oprah goes to therapy 5 days a week. Howard said he wishes that Donald went to therapy too. He said he'd be happier. Robin said he wouldn't be President if he had gone to therapy.
Howard said he was privy to Donald's life. Howard said he has been to Mar-A-Lago. He said he allowed them to go there. He said he had to pay for hi sown dinner but he got to be there. He said it looks like a movie set. He said it's the most privileged life. He said that being President doesn't compare. Robin said while he was there everything quieted down. Howard said maybe he's getting some pussy on the side. He said now he's President and they have a roach and rat problem at the White House. Howard said now he's downgraded his lifestyle. Howard said it's worse than JD's apartment.
Howard said Donald likes to eat McDonald's and no one cared before. Howard said he doesn't need this. He said this guy Mueller is going to get a hold of Trump and he's in trouble. Howard said this guy was a Viet Nam Vet and he's a pitbull. Robin said don't believe the hype. Robin said they build them up and then you see them. Howard said you don't want to go up against this guy.
Howard said Hillary should have had the job. He said She loves government. Howard said she'd be working day and night. Robin said She also would have been under investigation. Robin said it's hard to govern while under investigation. Robin said we need someone who isn't tainted. Jeff said they went after Obama. Robin said they did but they had nothing. Howard let Jeff go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him to stop with the political nonsense. Howard said this isn't political. He said it's an entertainer running for President. Howard said this is about a woman who gave a speech on the Golden Globes. Howard said it is enough though. He said Mark from North Carolina is right. Howard said he doesn't know enough about politics. He said he just knows enough not to run. Howard said he didn't know a thing had he had people in the polls picking him. Howard said he's trying to save the country. Howard said good, you'll have President Rock. Howard said he just thought he had to say that.
Howard took a call from Balls who said that Jim was great on the show yesterday. He said he wishes he could fill that chair that's empty in the studio. Howard said he was reading the comments about Jim and then people ask why he can't fill the Jackie chair. Howard said if he said fill that chair within two weeks people would say it's enough with Jim Breuer. He said he knows what's best of the show. He said don't make suggestions. Howard said Jim killed it on the show and just leave it at that. Howard said people think they know what's best of the show. He said he knows best. Robin said Roy Moore was almost elected in Alabama. That's how much they know.
Balls asked Howard what he has learned in his life that he didn't know when he was younger. Howard said saying ''no'' is what he learned. Howard said running everything is a nightmare. He said that's what he's trying to tell Oprah. Robin said it's just too much. She said that's what they don't know.
Howard took a call from a woman who said She voted for him for governor. She said that She wrote Howard's name in. Howard said that's the problem. She said it's not a wasted vote. Howard said it is. She wrote him in for President too. Howard said this is what he's talking about. He said he'd be the worst President ever and She still votes for him.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who asked why he lies about not knowing who he is. Howard said he didn't lie. Jim said he claims he doesn't know who he is but they've had conversations for years. Howard said he doesn't know who the fuck he is. Jim said he doesn't believe him. Howard said this is the first time he's talking to him in his mind. Howard asked if he's insane. Jim said the staff knows who he is. Howard said he doesn't remember talking to him. Howard said that's just his mind. He said he doesn't remember him. He said he doesn't know Jim from Raleigh. Howard said he has probably spoken to him a thousand times but he hasn't made that impression on him. Howard said in an hour he won't know who he is. Jim said that kills him and breaks his heart. Howard said he won't lie to him. He said he doesn't have a personality that sticks out. Howard said in his mind he is a new caller. Howard said he's a first time caller to him. Jim said that's real funny Robin. Howard said he can go on and tell people who he is but he doesn't' know him and he doesn't remember him. Jim said he always made it about Howard. He said he does know who he is.
Jim asked why he doesn't say the city of the caller anymore. Howard said it's because the computer in front of him has that information. He said he doesn't know the kid who answers the phone and he doesn't know who the callers are. Howard said they wrote ''Jim from NC.'' Howard said that's what they wrote. Howard said he doesn't think about Jim from Raleigh. Howard asked why he cares if he knows who he is. Jim said they've brought him up on the show for years. Jim said Eugene from Kentucky is a fake. Howard said he's not fake. Howard said he won't remember this call today. He said he doesn't know why he cares.
Howard said they had a holiday party and he had the staff wear name tags. Howard said that's how much he knows his own staff. Howard said he barely remembers yesterday's show. Howard said he certainly doesn't know Jim. Jim said he's talked on the air about him before but he doesn't know who he is. Howard said he doesn't remember any of his calls. Jim said he loves Howard and his show and he's been listening for over 30 years.
Jim said it was his idea for Perez to finger Benjy. Howard said that's fine but he doesn't remember him. Jim said the fans know who he is and they don't believe Howard doesn't' know who he is. Howard asked Fred if he knows who he is. Fred said he does. He said he knows there are regulars like Chad from St. Louis too.
Howard said there's a guy who wrote a book and used his interview with Patty Hurst in the book. Howard said he doesn't remember having Patty on his show. He said would like to know what was good about it because he doesn't remember it. Howard said he doesn't remember Patty Hurst.
Howard said if it makes him feel better he'll say he remembers every call he made to the show. Jim laughed. Howard said that Carley Simon told him who She wrote ''You're So Vain'' about. He said She whispered it in his ear after the show. Howard said they got off the air and She did that. Howard said She came over and moved his hair and whispered 3 names in his ear. Howard said She told him and a short time later Robin asked who they were and he had already forgotten.
Howard said that today is the first time he remembers talking to Jim. Jim said he appreciates him taking the call. He said that he finds it hard to believe that he doesn't remember who he is.
Robin said Howard had a woman at his house and She read a story about her in the news and Howard didn't remember having her at his own house. Gary said that She had just been at his house the week before. Gary said it was Giada De Laurentiis. He said that Howard was saying he had no idea who it was and Beth had to writ him and say that She was just there the week before. Howard said he's not yanking Jim's chain. He said he will predict that he won't remember who he is on Monday. Howard said he has nothing against Jim at all. He said please call as often as he likes but don't make him remember him. He said that's not his job.
Howard said it feels fresh every time he calls this way. He said that's what he likes about Jim. He said he's a new caller and a new fan that he hopes calls in again. Howard said goodbye to ''John from Raleigh.'' Jim said that's okay Imus. Howard said he'll remember that name from now on. He said he should be at work.
Howard said he didn't' get into radio to remember Jim from Raleigh. Howard said everyone should start being a fan of Jim's. Howard said what he likes about that guy is that he always makes it about him and not about himself. Fred was doing an impression of Jim with his southern accent. Robin said She recognizes the voice but She doesn't know him. Robin said She wishes Howard could remember who Giada is. Howard said she's a very good looking woman too so he's shocked he forgot who She was.
Howard said he's too caught up in himself. He said that's his problem. He said Beth has to coach him before going to dinner with people. He said it's embarrassing. Robin said at K-Rock they had a bit agency there in the building and as they were walking out she'd tell Howard who they were. Robin said Howard would not know. She said he was fans of those people. Robin said She would end up yelling the person's name too because of their height difference.
Howard said they have more 2017 Year in Review to get to today. Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he thinks he put his movie out now if it would get nominated for awards now that things have changed for him. Howard said no way. He said he's not well loved or liked. Howard said the movie ''Private Parts'' had Alison Janney in it. Howard said She was brilliant in the movie. Howard said Paul Giamatti has gone on to win all kinds of awards. He said he was brilliant. Howard said Mary McCormack was great too. Howard said it won a Blockbuster award but that was it. He said that it was so well directed and Betty didn't win. He said Ivan didn't win anything. He said Lenny Blum didn't win anything and it's all because of him. Howard said the movie is run constantly and he gets checks for like 27 cents every few weeks. Howard said Hollywood treats him like a leper. He said that's it.
Robin said that people he has influenced are hosting shows and going to the White House. Howard said he said at the time that Private Parts wasn't honored. He said they laugh because they haven't seen it. Howard said in 1997 he was nominated for the worst new star but then he won for best new star in 1997. He said think about that.
Howard said in 1998 he started the #MeToo movement. He said that it was very unfair. Howard said Paul Giamatti should have won that year for something. He said he had so many good people in that movie. Howard said he's very polarizing to people. Howard said as Donald Trump says he's a very stable genius. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he went online and played chess yesterday. He said there are so many assholes online. He said these people don't hit ''resign'' from the game. Howard said they let the time run out instead. Howard said he will sit there as long as he has to. He said that he doesn't know who he's playing against. He said they want to punish you for winning. Robin said they aren't worried about their ranking. Howard said he plays people who are unranked. He said he plays anonymous. Howard said he got an email from one of the guys who taught him. He said he told him what he was doing wrong.
Howard said he has a new book about the life of this artist Cornelius Varley. Howard said he had a brother named John. He said he went through life thinking his brother was a better painter. Howard said what a nightmare life is. Howard said John didn't get popular until after death. Howard said the guy he left the paintings to had a fire so a lot of his paintings were lost. Howard said he picked up a John Varley painting for $500. Howard said life sucks. Sal said he knows. Howard said Sal has been kicked in the teeth. Sal said he's gotten kicked in the teeth, gotten up and gotten kicked in the ass. Howard said that's his life. Sal said he has shit out some molars. Howard said Sal probably gets the least amount of sex. Sal said maybe. He said things turned out just fantastic. Sal said he's happy with his wife Christine. Howard said it's sad that he can't get laid. Sal said he can.
Howard said Jon Hein is out sick. He said it's the first time he's missed the show. Howard said he wants to see if he'll miss his TV show tonight. Howard said he bets he'll show up for that. Howard asked what the chances are he'll show up. Jason said 95 percent. He said he thinks he'll sleep in and rest up and then go to work at the TV show. Jason said he's going to Hit 'em with the Hein tonight. Howard asked Gary what's going to happen on Wrap Up today. Gary said he could host by himself but he'd rather have someone to talk to. Brent said they haven't come to a decision yet. He said it might be Gary and Rahsaan. Brent said they may go with them but they have some other ideas. Howard suggested Shuli. Howard said maybe even Brent. Brent said that Shuli is a better comedian. Howard said maybe JD for comedy. Howard asked how they'll decide. Jason said that Gary is a great radio host. He said Brent would be good but maybe it should be Shuli.
Sal said maybe they can vote. He said he'd vote for Shuli. Sal said Brent is a close second. Howard asked Ronnie what he thinks. Ronnie said he would vote for himself. He said he thinks it would be great because he and Gary don't have great chemistry. Howard said he heard he still has his Christmas decorations up. Ronnie said he took them down before the snow last week. Jason heard he was digging them out. Ronnie said he was digging his house out not the decorations.
Howard said Benjy wants to submit his name for the Wrap Up Show. Howard asked if Gary could work with him. Gary said he could but you can't follow him. He said he goes where no one knows. Howard asked Gary who he'd prefer. Benjy came in and said he would be great with opening Gary up about the show. Brent said Benjy is not coachable. He said he didn't ask him to be on the show. Benjy said he's not in charge of the show. Howard said he is. Howard said Brent is the producer. Benjy said there are people above him. He said they want him to be part of it. Gary said his name hasn't come up. Gary said the person he had the conversation with came to him. Benjy said no they didn't.
Howard said Brent has been lobbying hard to be the host. Howard said he should put his name out there. Sal said he loves to see Brent sweat. He said he knew he was trying to get on the show. He said he voted for Shuli because of that.
Howard said he would say Brent the Love Sponge. Howard said Brent wants it too. Benjy said that the person Gary thinks talked to him this morning isn't the person he spoke to.
Benjy said he was really good on the Wrap Up Show when he was on it. He said ask Natalie Maines. Howard said he doesn't go to her for advice.
Gary said he's had conversations with Benjy on the Wrap Up Show and he had one about bestiality and he got into that on the show and it was tough to talk to him about. Benjy was trying to explain that but Howard said no one cares. Howard said he's really against him being the host of the Wrap Up Show. Howard said it's too hard to quiet him down. Benjy said he'll do whatever Gary wants him to do.
Robin said that She doesn't want Benjy on this show. Gary said he's audio quicksand. Howard said Benjy is living in a college dorm or residence hall. Howard said it's very odd. Sal said it sounds like a story for the FBI.
Howard said Benjy doesn't have his own apartment. Benjy said he's living in a residence hall. He said he's doing short term sublet. He said he left his old place in October. He said he wanted to find a perfect place to live. Benjy said he has a weakness making decisions about what to buy. He said he got a short term sublet in another place after his apartment was gone. Gary asked where he lived for more than a year before. Benjy said something about living in a place for years. He said he had a long term lease that ended in October. Robin said no one cares. Robin said we're losing listeners. Benjy said they are such bullshitters. Howard said they also learned about Benjy's dog who is calling in now. Howard picked up and the guys were playing dog barking clips. Howard asked the dog some questions about living in the dorm and what that's like. The dog was giving yes and no answers. He was also growling about Benjy's penis when he was asked about that. The dog's name is Chicken. Howard spent a few minutes asking the dog questions about how old Benjy is and things like that. The dog barked out Benjy's age in barks but Howard gave up on the bit in the middle of the count.
Benjy said that he would like one more segment. Howard said he has to tell a story about Benjy. He said he went home after he show feeling like shit yesterday. He said he had a box in his mail and he wondered what the fuck this box was. He said it was all taped up and he was hacking away at the tape. He said he was getting more and more aggravated. He said he was so fucking annoyed. He said he finally gets it open and he looks to see who it's from. He said he opens it and it has the brown popcorn crap that gets all over the house. He said he sees a card and it's from Benjy. He said he looks at the gift and he carefully removes the popcorn. He said there's a box and a silver bag. He opened the bag and it's one of those freezer packets that's warmed up. He said it was oozing chemical goo. Howard said he got it on his hand. He said Benjy even gets him at home. He said the chemical was stuck to his fingers. He said he was washing this stuff off his hands. Howard said it said ''Have a sweet new year.'' Howard said it was a box of chocolates. Howard said he doesn't eat that stuff. Howard said Benjy is a sweetheart but he really knows he's not going to eat this. He opened up the box of chocolates and he thew it in a drawer and told his assistant to give it to the guys.
Howard said he would have been less annoyed if there was a human head in the box. Howard said thanks for the gift. Benjy said he has always sent flowers on New Years and they depress him. Sal said that's because they came from him. Benjy said that Beth will eat one a day from what he heard. Howard said it's fine. Sal told him to go do the Wrap Up Show now. Howard said he has to move on. Benjy said he has to ask him something. Howard told him to stop. He said he loves him. Benjy said he's not treating him in a loving way. Benjy asked how he can be better on the air. Shuli said turn around and walk out.
Howard said he would answer that in private. Gary said try to bring that down to a minute instead of the 15 that it took. Howard said it would be great if they got some real information about the living in the dorm thing. Howard said he's sure there's something interesting there but it's hard to get it out of him. He said it's hard to get information out of Benjy. He said he's not sure how to get it out of him. He said that he has to let him go.
Howard said he loves Benjy and thank you for the gift. Benjy said he doesn't have to write him a note. Howard said he's so angry with him. Howard said his best appearance was when Perez fingered him. Sal agreed. Howard said he should get fingered again. Jason said that was 4 years ago already.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to put him on the Wrap Up Show. He said Gary would get so angry. Gary said he wouldn't be upset. He said he'd just let Benjy do his thing. Howard said Brent wants to be the co-host so bad. Brent said he's good with whatever Howard thinks is good. He said Shuli is great on the air. Howard said he's humble Brent.
Howard asked Ronnie who would be better on the Wrap Up Show. Ronnie said he would say Shuli. He said that he doesn't hate Brent. Jason said he would have said Brent in the beginning but he did point out that he and Gary have a similar style on the air. He said Shuli might be the guy. Howard said he doesn't give a fuck. He said he'll be home and reading a book. Howard said his vote is that Benjy could be a complete train wreck. He said that he could go on thinking he'll be great. Howard said maybe Shuli and Benjy or Shuli and Brent or Brent or Shuli by themselves. Howard said he'll leave it up to them. Gary said they're going to go commiserate with the team after this. The caller said they should do a Twitter poll. He said as much of a douche Benjy is he'd love to hear that. Howard said Brent gets really angry at Benjy. Brent said he goes off in the weeds and no one can follow him. Sal said he's changing his vote to Benjy. Howard said he wants to do what's best for the show.
Howard said he's going to leave the phones open for the next 3 minutes to find out who they want. Howard asked Ronnie if he wants to do it. Ronnie said he's not sure what Howard is doing after the show. Howard said he'll pretend to do work back there and actually sleep. He said that he should have a bed in there.
The caller said he should listen to Benjy on the Wrap Up Show because it's going to be great. Fred asked how long the show is. Gary said it's 40 minutes. Fred said it should be split up into 10 minutes with each guy. He said no one has mentioned Scott though. Howard and Fred did their Scott impressions.
Shuli said Scott was great at the Christmas party. He said Scott's pin broke on the name tag. He said he also used a toothpick that was used to take an Hors d'oeuvre off a plate.
Howard asked Robin what She thinks. Robin said that if Benjy is in the mix Gary needs help. She said that Shuli might be the better guy to wrangle Benjy. Gary said that Brent might be the better one to do that.
Howard went through the votes he has so far. Gary said they're supposed to talk about what happened on the show today and Benjy won't do that. He said that Benjy will be the worst. The guys said that he might talk about himself.
Howard said no one has cared about the Wrap Up Show so much before. Howard said Jon should be sick more often. Howard said this is fun. He said he's going to take some votes on the phone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they need Brent in there to ruin the show. Howard took another one from a guy who said they should have Benjy. Shuli said these are the same guys who say they hate these guys on the show. Sal said that they just said they want to hate them more. Howard said this might be the Sanjaya effect.
Howard took more votes and one guy said he has a different view on this. He said how about Fred. Howard said he put Fred's name down. The caller went with that vote. Howard took a call from Ben-She who voted for Benjy. Howard said enough of that. He said he's going to do some commercials and take more votes and that will be the end of it. Howard said Benjy is winning for the wrong reasons. Jason said Benjy will insist he did a great job no matter what the audience says. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard said he has to wrap up the Wrap Up Show discussion. Howard said Benjy just gave his plea to be on the show. Howard said he was lobbying for the job. Howard said Jon Hein is out sick so they ended someone to do the show with Gary.
Howard took a call from a guy who voted for Benjy. The caller asked about Howard jerking off and how often he has to do that. Howard said he did it twice over the weekend. Howard said he did it twice in one day. He said he did it around 1 and then again around 6. Ronnie asked if he finds himself more horny when he's sick. Howard said not really. He said he wanted to sleep and thought that would knock him out. Howard asked Ronnie if he gets horny when he's sick. Ronnie said he does.
Howard took another call from a guy who voted for Shuli. Another caller voted Benjy. One guy voted for Ronnie. Howard asked why Ronnie. The caller said the sex talk and that he's pissed off at everyone. He said he'd love Ronnie to kick Benjy's ass out of the studio.
Howard said he's looking forward to Bobo and Ronnie's race. Howard said Bobo leaves these horrible voicemails now. He said he makes shitty phone calls and now it's voicemail. Howard said this is what Bobo would be if he didn't handle him. Howard played a clip of Bobo going on and on about the race against Ronnie. He was talking about centrifugal force and being concerned with turn 3 at Pocono. He said it's a sharp turn and it requires heavy braking and a gear change from what he knows.
Howard took a call from Bobo asking if he knows what centrifugal force is. Bobo said it's when it takes a vehicle and put it in a circular path. Howard said it has nothing to do with a car. Bobo said it's against the vehicle. Howard said he can't use car or vehicle in his explanation. Bobo said it's the force that keeps you on the road. Howard said that's not it. Bobo said it's the amount of force against your vehicle. Howard asked how much centrifugal force his toupee can take. Bobo said Ronnie knows what he's saying. Ronnie said he has no idea what he's talking about. He said he's going to kick his ass.
Bobo said that Ronnie has had coaching and he hasn't. He said that's the only advantage he has. Ronnie said he's still going to kick his ass. He said they can't wait for them to do this out there at Pocono.
Howard played more of Bobo's voicemail where he was going on and on about how he's going to pick this up quickly hopefully. He said he thinks he can smoke Ronnie there on the front stretch. He said he's making notes about the track.
Gary said all he got out of that was there's a long straightaway and a corner. Howard said he wouldn't want to race Ronnie. He said he's out of his mind. Ronnie said Bobo has only been in the classroom. Bobo said he has drag raced. He said he ran that track Englishtown for years. Gary said he did trucking too. Ronnie asked where he drove. Bobo said he drove all over the tri-state area. Ronnie said he did too. He said big deal. Bobo said he drove in black ice and all of that. Ronnie said he did too.
Howard played a Bobo song parody. Bobo asked Ronnie about one of the turns there at the track but Ronnie said he's not giving him any tips.
Shuli said Bobo has an ask Dad anything when he puts his son to bed. He said he found that interesting.
Howard took a call from a guy who voted for Shuli and said Benjy fucking sucks. Another caller voted for Benjy. Chad from St. Louis voted for Benjy but said he should have Brent take him out if he goes into a rant or something.
Howard took more votes and got a couple more for Ronnie. A woman voted for Shuli. Another woman voted Shuli as well. Howard said he's going to wrap up the voting with one more. That caller voted for Benjy and Brent. Howard said he's stopping the voting there. Howard said his ruling is that Benjy got 7 and Brent got zero. Brent said the first guy voted for him. Shuli got 4. Howard said they'll have Benjy in there with a caveat. Howard said they have to have Brent or Shuli in there and if he goes down hill they have to throw him right out. Gary said Benjy might start saying something and he will ask him a question and then he'll start to scream at him saying it's just wrong. Jason said just do it off air.
Howard said Brent will be there producing and he can handle it. Howard said Benjy did win the vote. Howard said it will be a disaster. Howard said he never thought Jon Hein would be out. He said he figured he'd be like Jay Leno and he'd never let anyone take his job.
Howard said that Benjy can get thrown out of the studio during the show. Benjy said if they get into an argument he can't do that. He said they have a Program Director there who doesn't come on the show. He said he should monitor the show. Howard said Gary is the judge. Howard said he can't just throw him out. Gary said he won't. He said if he goes into some strange universe he has to get him back on track or ask him to leave. Howard said just go in and do your thing. Benjy said they have a Program Director there. Howard said just accept it and do it. Benjy said as soon as he speaks they aren't up for what he says.
Gary said Jon takes notes on what they are going to talk about. Benjy said he thinks the Program Director should decide if he gets kicked out. Howard said he has to just take this as it is. Benjy asked why they think that he can't take care of a dog. Howard said he can't take care of himself so he can't take care of a dog. Benjy said that's a good point.
Ronnie said Benjy sucks and he makes shtick out of every god damn fucking thing. He said he shouldn't be on the Wrap Up Show. Benjy ended up arguing with Ronnie. Howard said he won't last 5 minutes on the Wrap Up Show. Ronnie said he already started and he should just be fucking happy he's on there.
The guys were still arguing with Benjy and Benjy was saying he doesn't agree with the rules. Gary said what Jon does is throw topics out for people to comment on. Brent said Gary is driving the bus today. Shuli said they should vote Gary out and have Ronnie and Benjy host. Brent said he's killing him with this. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard said he has a Joe Jackson message for Blanket too. Howard said Joe is his favorite Jackson. He said he was just trying to help his boys succeed when he treated them like he did. Howard played the clip and Joe was talking to Blanket about his father and how he's just like him. Howard asked what he's saying here. Robin said he understands why his dad made him wear those ''maskes.'' Howard played more of the clip and Joe was saying he hopes he stays healthy and he can be like him. Jason said when you see it Joe is dressed like a full on pimp. Howard played the rest of the message and Joe said he'll see Blanket when he goes to L.A.
Jason said he was actually addressing the wrong kid. It was Paris who fell off the bike. Howard said Blanket is the kid that Michael held out the window by his ankle. Howard said he should have been taken away from him that day. Howard said you don't do that with a kid. He said that was child abuse right on TV.
Howard said his parents did some weird shit but never did that. He said he wishes his parents had that much interest in him to do that.
Howard played a clip of Brent talking about that sex show. After that he said he can't believe Bubba let him scoop him up. Howard said Bubba wrote him the other day and he has a President of his company down there. Brent said he has his own building too. He said that they have it all going on down there. Howard asked if he's above Bubba. Brent said not at all. He said Bubba is still the boss. Howard said he appoints people but never does anything unless he thinks he's right. Brent said that's right.
Howard said they also learned that Brent uses weed lube when he's with his wife. Howard played a clip of Brent talking about that. Brent was talking about this lube that has marijuana in it.
Howard asked if he uses it to jerk off. Brent said he's a dry jerker so he doesn't use it. He said if She uses it then She gets high from the THC in it.
Howard took a call from Brent's son in Okinawa. One of the guys in the back was doing the Lee Kingsnatch voice talking like Brent's son. Howard said the rubber must have broken and he was conceived like that. Brent said he didn't know anything about this kid. The kid said he's just like daddy and he caught a serial killer. Howard said he sounds like a great guy. Brent said he sounds like Zacherly. Howard let the kid go a short time later.
Howard said they also learned about Brent wanting to make a citizen's arrest. Howard played a clip of Brent talking about that.
Howard said he was listening to Joe Rogan saying that you train your whole life for a moment that's never going to happen when you learn how to fight. Shuli said Brent fought for 39 seconds in the ring. Howard said that you learn to fight out of the ring. He said that's a different thing. Howard said Joe Rogan is a big guy now. He said he's all built. Brent said he's just training and not fighting. Shuli said Joe doesn't take any shit. He said that Joe was getting patted down to come on the show one day and he refused to be searched and the guy backed off.
Howard said Brent wanted to make a citizen's arrest and they sent him out to confront some law breakers. Howard played a clip of ''Citizen Hatley.''
Howard said he went right out there and told that guy not to break the law. Robin said She feels safe after that.
Howard said the guy didn't know the answer and that kind of bums him out. He said that most people don't know who Baba Booey is. Howard said they only know who he is. Howard said Robin has been called Robin Givens so many times. Gary said he used to have an uncle who sent him articles about Robin Givens.
Jason said he had a guy yell at him that he hated him and as he was walking away he said ''Fuck you Shuli, fuck you!''
Howard played a Baba Booey mention during a baseball game. The announcer also gave a Hit 'em with the Hein.
Howard said Stephen Colbert gave a Baba Booey shout out during one monologue. Howard played that clip.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn went out and yelled out a Baba Booey during a live newscast. Howard played that clip next. The host of the news program knew it was Mariann from Brooklyn.
Howard said in 2017 a CBS affiliate in Houston got a Hit 'em with the Hein and a JD and Ronnie mention. He played that clip and the guy got all of that in.
Howard said they also had a lot of golf shout outs. Howard had an announcer at a PGA Memorial get in a Baba Booey. Howard said that was pretty good. Robin said She likes that.
Howard said at the Masters they have a strict rule about shouting out. Howard said someone got one in at the end of the tournament. The guy yelled out a Baba Booey. Howard said that was nice too. Robin said a couple of people did it at the same time.
Howard played another clip where an announcer got in a Baba Booey mention when someone yelled out something that sounded like Baba Booey.
Howard said this announcer said thank you after someone yelled out Hit 'em with the Hein. Howard said they think that someone yelled out a Baba Booey at the Trump inauguration. Howard said you have to listen carefully. Howard played the clip and it was very hard to tell but it did sound kind of like a Booey.
Howard asked who has a favorite call. JD laughed and said Sal and Richard listen to Swap Shop all the time and one day the host said they weren't allowed to sell chickens on the air anymore so Sal and Richard called in to sell chickens. Sal said they listen all day long and they'll make prank calls based on those numbers they give out. He said this day they just went with that premise to sell chickens. Howard played the clip where they called in over and over trying to sell chickens on the chicken sale ban day. The host kept saying they can't sell them on Swap Shop. Sal and Richard kept calling in to sell chickens and roosters. They sent in some things to sell over email and the guy read that they had caulk rings to sell.
Howard said that's the one area that Sal is a genius in. Shuli said it takes a special person to call in as a chicken. Howard said that was great. Sal said they have 12 lines going at once. He said Memet told them to call in as a chicken. Howard asked how often Swap Shop even gets calls for chickens. Sal said never. Sal asked who would open a show saying they can't sell chickens.
Howard asked if they have ever had a problem getting through to swap shop. Sal said there are some that are popular. He said they are all over the internet and they're in mom and pop towns. He said they pick it up on the internet. He said they get a new one and it's like catching a whopper.
Howard asked who has a favorite. Ronnie had one and he said it was when they took Howard's name game thing and made a call with that. Howard said that's a good one. Howard said this is where he sings the name game to kids when they're scared of him. Howard said the boys chopped it up and here it is. Howard played the clip and the guys called a few women with Howard singing the name game.
Howard said one more from 2017. Sal had one where they called Swap Shop and he and Richard would interrupt by picking up the phone. It was called Swap Shop Interrupting Wife. Howard played the call and Sal was on the line with Swap Shop and Richard picked up and started dialing. Then Richard was telling Sal what to say. The host hung up and they called right back. Then Richard was dialing again. The host hung up again and picked up again. Then Sal was the one dialing over Richard. They kept calling in until the host wrapped things up. Howard said you know it's a home run with that one.
Howard said he thought they were going to mention the call when Robin was singing the National Anthem. Howard played that one next. The guys called into a radio show and had Robin singing for the host. The host was saying it was horrible. They just kept Robin singing. The host had to hang up on her. They called back and had her singing.
Howard said he likes that one. Robin said that was a good one. Howard said there were a lot of good ones. Gary said he liked the one where they had Ronnie's mother. Howard said they had one where they accused the Angry Political Guy of being an angry liberal. Howard said that guy takes it really seriously. Shuli said that was a group call where they called in one after another. Howard said Ronnie did a sex rap and he confessed to seeing his parents having a threesome. He said he went in his room and jerked off to that. Howard said it's freaky to learn that about your parents. He said that's crazy. Ronnie said it was. Ronnie said he made the best of it. Howard said he would be traumatized by that. He said his whole paradigm would shift. Howard said he'd have to take a valium or something. Ronnie said he didn't jerk off on the floor but he looked under the door. He said he saw feet and bottom of legs. Brent said his dad was giving orders on how to do anal. Ronnie said that's right.
Howard said he doesn't thinks he'd get boned up from that. Ronnie said it's like porn. Howard said that's only if your parents are in porn. Howard asked if the neighbor got up and saw him laying there what would have happened. Ronnie said he's not sure but anything is possible. Howard asked if they asked him to fuck the neighbor would he have done it. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said it's not out of the question. Ronnie said he might ask them to leave the room. Howard said his mom must be pretty hot to be something like that. Ronnie said maybe She was. He said She was in good shape and had big tits.
Gary asked if he would have done the Eiffel tower with his dad. Ronnie said no. Howard said he's pretty sexed up. Ronnie said he doesn't think so. Ronnie said he would have freaked out of the door opened. He said he might have let the neighbor give him a hand job. Shuli said Ronnie was game for anything. He said the thought of parents fucking is disgusting to most people but not Ronnie. Ronnie said that most people are afraid to admit that they'd be into it. Howard said Ronnie is an unusual guy. He said he'd be traumatized if he found this out. Gary said he heard his parents having sex and that freaked him out. He said he can't imagine looking under the door.
Howard asked if he ever tried to hit on the woman there. Ronnie said no. He said She was hot though. He said She was tall and hot. Ronnie said the whole thing was a surprise to him. He said he didn't know they were that close.
Howard said Ronnie's mom called in as a character on the show so they had her call a religious show. Howard played the call where the guys called in with clips of Ronnie talking about how he wants to have sex with his mom. The host of the radio show had his mom get on the line to talk about that.
Howard said that has to be the best of the year. Howard asked if the listeners voted that one the best. Jason said it was the Eric the Actor call that got the most votes. He said that one killed the rest.
Howard said he has more year in review to get to but he'll get to that tomorrow. Howard said it's good to look back. He said he wants more of Ronnie's mom this year. Gary said she's more fucked up than Gary is. Howard said Ass Chreeks is his favorite word to come out of the year 2017. He said Ronnie is turning purple from laughing so hard. Howard did a live commercial read after that and then went to break.
Fred played Robin into the news with a song parody from Jim Breuer. Robin said they should have brought in Jim to take over for Brian Johnson. Howard said he did another song about Gary's teeth smelling like dog feces. Howard played that one too. He said Jim should have put that one out on his album and all the radio stations would have picked that one up.
Robin read as story about a bunch of people being stuck at a Swiss resort because of avalanches. Robin said She took up skiing for a while and enjoyed it. She said She took a big fall the day She started. Robin said She almost did a Sonny Bono and hit a tree but She sat down instead. Robin read more about this resort that had roads closed and they had to shut down trains. Howard said it's amazing that we can't control the weather in this day and age.
Robin read a story about it being National Law Enforcement Appreciation Day. Howard said he does that every day. Robin said she's going to say just thank your local law enforcement today. Howard said he appreciates. Robin said every one of us should appreciate police officers and show it. Robin said don't just write it on Twitter. Howard wondered what President Oprah would say.
Robin read a story about Pope Francis weighing in on the threat of nuclear war. Robin said he's having a card made up showing a Japanese kid holding his dead brother waiting on line in Nagasaki. Robin said the photo says ''The fruit of war'' on the back. Howard said he doesn't want to see that kind of might unleashed. He said he has read about World War II and he's glad we got it first and we were able to stop these guys. Howard said imagine that Hitler had it first.
Robin said the Pope was also inviting women to breast feed their children no matter where they are. Howard said his mother did not breast feed him and he holds it against her. Howard said She claims they were told not to breast feed. He said he has read that if you do breast feed you go up a few IQ points. Robin said there's a reason for breast milk to come in. Howard went into his impression of his mother talking about how if She had to do it over again She wouldn't listen to the experts. She said they didn't know back then what they know now. Howard had his mother talking about the experts and what they were saying back then.
Robin read a story about a study done about Ibuprofin possibly causing infertility in men. Robin said this is what's in Tylenol. Howard did his mother's voice talking about what She gave Howard instead of aspirin as a child. She was talking about taking his temperature anally and things like that. Robin read a story about how it's not Tylenol but Advil. Robin said they say that it impacts young men's testicles negatively. Robin read some more details about that.
Robin read a story about James Franco and how there's a woman claiming that She was sexually assaulted by him. Robin said this woman claims he also tried to lure her 17 year old friend to a hotel room. Robin read more details about that. Robin said Franco has not responded to the claim. Robin said Ally Sheedy also tweeted something cryptic about Franco from 2014. Robin said that She was asking why James Franco was allowed in at the Golden Globes. Robin said Roman Polanski was accused of being molested as a young girl. Robin said that the case is too old so they can't go after him for that.
Howard took a call from a woman who hung up as soon as he picked up. Robin read about Louis C.K. has learned that an animated series he was going to do was canceled.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he never says anything positive about Trump and his presidency. Howard said he doesn't want any celebrity TV people running for any office. He said he has said many positive things about Trump. The caller said he's talking about the presidency. Howard said Trump's political views have changed. He said he used to be a Hillary Clinton supporter. Howard said he has said tons of positive things about Donald. He said his wife is smoking hot. Howard said get off his phone. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Mitt Romney having been treated for prostate cancer last year. Howard said they say that some guys can still get it up after that. Howard said some guys have to wear a diaper after the surgery. Robin said She thinks things have gotten better over the years. Howard said Giuliani got the seeds thing. Howard said he hopes that he never gets that. Robin said Mitt is 70 years old. Howard said he has Mitt on the phone. He took the call from their pre-recorded Mitt Romney impersonator. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to the clips.
Robin read a story about a cop in New York City who was known as the cannibal cop. Robin said he's written a book and he's going to have that published. Robin said his sentence was thrown out because it was all fantasy. Howard said he'd vote for that Mitt Romney that called in. Robin read more about the cannibal cop and how he was turned in by his wife when She found some of his writings.
Robin read a story about some former frat brothers who were arrested after a hazing incident. Robin said She never understands this stuff with the hazing. Howard said he hears the stories about that stuff and he'd be afraid to be in a fraternity. Howard said he'd like some guys to hang out with but not like that. Robin read about what these guys allegedly did and how they ended up killing a guy by pushing him so hard in this hazing incident. Howard said a lot of times it's gay stuff. Howard said the Revenge of the Nerds fraternity is what he'd like to be in. He said he has to go back and watch that movie. He said it was so good.
Robin read a story about the Prime Minister in Thailand is answering questions to the media with a cardboard cut out of himself. Robin said it's like a Flat Ronnie. Howard said he'd vote for Flat Ronnie. Robin said this cut out was brought out yesterday. Robin said he said if you have questions you ask this guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this having the guys in the studio is working out. He asked if they're going to keep doing it. Howard said they will. Howard said it will be once in a while. Howard thanked the caller for the question.
Howard did a recap of the guy's call because he had a lot of noise at the start of it. He was on speakerphone and had a lot of echo before he picked up. Howard did his impression of that and said it was like 20 minutes to ask if they're going to do the panel again. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Rose McGowan and the #TimesUp movement at the Golden Globes. Robin and Howard talked about Paul Sorvino and what he said he was going to do to Harvey Weinstein over what he did do his daughter by black listing her. Robin had some audio of Sorvino talking about how he'd kill the mother fucker if he comes around him.
Robin read a story about Oprah Winfrey's speech at the Golden Globes this weekend. Robin said people are wondering if she's going to run for president. Howard said She looked good. He said She looks like she's lost weight. Robin said Weight Watcher stock jumped in price yesterday. Howard said those speeches are so boring. He said She went back stage and started lecturing more. He said She really seems to lecture and know a lot of stuff. Howard played a clip of Oprah talking about the biggest lesson she's learned in her career and other things. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the white House weighing in on Oprah running for President. Robin said they welcome any challenger. Howard said he can't imagine Trump is having fun and he can't imagine he'll run again. He said his life had to be fun before this. He said that never gets boring.
Robin said Ivanka Trump is feeling inspired by Oprah's speech. Robin said she's calling for everyone to come together after that speech. Robin said most of Twitter is bringing up the allegations of sexual misconduct that were brought up against her father.
Robin said trump went to a football game last night and people were complaining that security was expanded and it took a long time to get in. Robin said Trump treated it like he's still a reality TV star. Robin said he waited to get on camera and then left. Robin said he didn't make it through half time. Robin said he held his hand over his heart during the National Anthem and then he was out of there.
Howard took a call from Chad in St. Louis who said that H&M coming under fire for putting a black kid in a hoodie that said ''Coolest Monkey in the Jungle.'' Howard said you wonder how that happens. He said they're a Swedish company and they must be oblivious. Howard said they just ruined their whole gig. He said he dug deeper and found that Mel Gibson is their CEO. He said it's really baffling. Robin said it's weird that we can't have these words put together.
Robin read a story about how exercising can help prevent heart damage. Howard said he's not doing anything right now. Howard took a call from Sven from H&M (one of the guys in the back) who said they really hate black people and that's how that shirt got out there. He had more racist shirts on a list that he read to Howard. Howard hung up on him and continued to wonder how that made it into the catalog.
Robin read a story about how Disney is being accused of tanning actors to put them in the Aladdin live action movie. Robin said they didn't have enough extras so they were tanning white people to play the part. Howard said no one knows what the fuck is happening.
Robin read a story about the lottery and how someone won in the last drawing in each of the big ones. Robin said that the Megamillions will be getting a lump sum of $281 million.
Robin read a story about Loretta Lynn breaking her hip. Howard said he didn't know She was still alive. Robin said her sister Crystal Gayle wrote that her sister is doing well considering what she's gone through. Robin said She suffered a stroke last year. That led to Howard talking about Kirk Douglas and how he must have been pissed when his daughter in law cut him off at the Golden Globes. Howard did his impression of Kirk getting pissed at Katherine Zeta Jones. Howard said She really holds up. He said She had those titties out.
Robin read a story about a Kansas state law maker saying that African Americans have a bigger problem with marijuana use than others. Robin had some audio of this guy talking about that.
Robin read a story about how someone thinks that Trump might be very aware of everyone who is Jewish but in a very creepy way. Howard said they had a whole game based on that. Robin said that was Michael Wolff talking about that.
Robin read about the box office hits over the weekend. Robin said Jumanji came in first. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about how sweet Robin is when She sings. Robin said She should have rapped that. It was the opening ''The Great American Nightmare'' that She was singing. Howard said Robin just gave him a birthday gift. He said then the guys gave him stuff. Howard said Robin only does it because he's like her husband. He said He means that in the worst sense. Howard said He never gets on top of her but he's there for her emotionally. He said She doest have to blow him or fuck him.
Howard said He loves Beth. He said He looked at her and said She is better looking now than She was when He met her. He said She thinks he's nuts. He said He means it though. Howard said if He saw her falling apart he'd just keep quiet. He said She gets hotter and He gets uglier. Robin said he's like her painting. Howard said he's just withering away. He said he's turning 64 and there's now way She can be attracted to him.
Howard asked if He should wait until later to open his gifts. Robin said He should. She said here are things in there that He needs time to absorb. Howard said Robin is into a weird thing. He said that She got him some weird gifts. Robin said she's not sure how He thought of what He got her. Howard said he's tuned into her. He said He and his wife came up with it. He said it's so fucked up trying to figure out what to get her. Howard said they should stop getting gifts. Howard said She needs him to get her something. Robin said He should just read the card.
Howard said He can't read her card. He said She writes him mushy love notes. He said his wife doesn't write anything that mushy. He said He saved a card Robin gave him this year. He said She wrote him something so personal. He said you'd think He was Gandhi. Howard said maybe it's too personal to share. He said he's not going to do that. Robin said He can. Howard said most of the time her cards go right into the incinerator. Howard said this year the card He had to hold on to.
Howard said Robin also writes that she's sorry about the gift she's giving. They're great thoguh. He said She gives him art books and it was terrific. He said He likes to read about art and look at paintings. He said there is no better gift. He said if you want to just give to North Shore or Bianca's Furry Friends. Robin said She does that too. Howard said He feels blessed working there with her. Maybe not so much with Fred. He said he's just joking.
Howard said Robin has everything so it's hard to shop for her. He said He got her a tree. He said it's a full grown tree. Robin said the gift had logs in it. Robin asked if He thought She had a fireplace. She wondered if it was another wind chime. Robin said She has to keep opening. Howard said He went to an arborist. He said Robin is very spiritual so He found out about this tree that will work for her. He said they're going to plant this tree for Robin at her house.
Howard said Robin will look out and see that tree and think of him every day. He said imagine that. Robin said that's why it's wonderful. Robin said She walks into her garage and thinks of him. She walks out the back of her house and thinks of him. Howard said Fred knows He cares about him but He doesn't need this. He said women need that. He said Robin needs him. Robin said he's very funny. Robin said She has Howard. Howard said Fred does too and He just knows it. Howard told Fred to keep thinking that's true.
Howard thanked Robin for the gift and said He will cherish it forever. Howard said he's going it give Fred a pine cone.
Howard said his parents are so preserved from not going anywhere that they can't die. He said that they didn't go outside when the storm came through. Howard said it's like his mother is frozen in carbon. He said that people say he's lucky to have them around. He said there's nothing that can get them because they don't go anywhere.
Howard did more of his impression of his mother talking about going out to the living room possibly but his father could fall. Howard said then his mother goes into a sad routine about how they've lived too long. Howard said He doesn't need to hear that. He said She says getting old sucks and it's not for wimps. He said they won't even come to visit him. He said they were invited to a game night and his father loves that kind of stuff. He said they won't go. He had his mother talking about why they won't go out. His father is very antisocial now. Howard said He asks his mother what's going on and She says they don't exercise anymore. Howard said his father is fine and She could go out and do that. She won't do it though.
Howard was talking to his mother about why He gets this cold and He tells her that it's normal to get a cold. Robin said something and Ray will ask ''Who is that?'' Robin has to tell Ray that it's Robin. Howard had his mother talking to Robin about going to India and things like that. She said Robin got cancer because She doesn't get enough rest. Robin said she's glad She didn't speak to her when She was going through that.
Howard had Ray talking about how she's busy with nonsense running around. Robin said She doesn't have time to meditate. Robin said She was just checked over the new year holiday. Ray said she's lying. Ray asked Howard if that's true. Howard did a whole conversation about Robin going to get checked. Robin said She went to the TM center. Ray said if She had done that from the start She wouldn't have gotten cancer. She said She doesn't think properly.
Howard had Ray telling Robin to listen to her and how She needs a lot of guidance. Howard said she's insulting Robin. Ray said She asked. Robin said She was just wondering how you figure out how you got a cold. Ray said she's telling him how. Howard said He sat outside a month ago playing chess in Central Park. Ray asked why He would do that. Ray said She and Ben haven't moved in months. She said you should see her touchas. Howard was banging his megaphone around because it was cutting out. Howard said He bought this at Radio Shack 20 years ago. He said it's gone now. It wasn't working.
Howard said He has a backup. Jim McClure brought one in. Howard got on that megaphone. He said this guy is like Felix the cat. He said he's the greatest guy in the world. Howard said He just walked in with a new megaphone. He said it's the shittiest megaphone ever and that's why He loves it. Howard did more of his mother for a second but He forgot what they were even talking about.
Howard said He loves Jim because He thinks about this stuff. He found that megaphone on Ebay. He said He got it for 30 bucks. Howard said Jim is like an actuary. He said He goes through about a megaphone a year and He buys like 50 to make sure they don't run out. Robin asked where He keeps them. She said He had it at the end of his arm. Howard had his mother talking about how together Jim is. He said He takes care of himself. Howard said He has to clone Jim and fire everyone else that works there. He said that's a top guy. He said He could have been in any business but He chose to work there. Howard said He talked to Jim at the Christmas party and He has worked there a very long time. Howard said He gave him his history in radio too. He said He tried being on the air and it wasn't for him so He became a behind the scenes kind of guy. Robin said he's very good. Howard said He could have cured cancer but he's there instead. He said he's been in radio since He was 14. He said he's a top guy. Robin naked what He was doing at 14. Howard said he's full of shit, He wasn't here since 14. Howard said He has to get out of this business because a 14 year old was in the business.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Wrap Up Show was awesome yesterday. He said it reminded him of the old days of the show. He said Jon can be there but they can bring in the staff to do it. Howard said Jon works his ass off and no one even cares. He said that's radio. He said there's a fatter guy in town all the time.
Robin asked if Jon did his TV show yesterday. Howard said He did not. He said He was really sick. Howard said Jon is back today and standing near him so He gets sick.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that gift He got for Robin is a terrible gift. Howard said it's a full grown tree. Howard said He has no idea what it costs. The caller was joking about it but Howard cut him off and said don't belittle the genius of his gift. Robin said She can't wait for this gift.
Howard said stop it. He said fuck that guy on the phone. He said he's sick of social media and people telling him He sucks. He said He doesn't write anyone they suck. He does it on the air. Howard said it's so stupid.
Howard played the clip and it was a lot of stuff that He hates. Howard said He gets worked up from that. He said He really hates button fly jeans. He said He hates boats too. He said He doesn't want the wind in his face. He said He hates gondolas. He said they're stupid boats. Robin asked if He finds anything romantic. Howard said He does. He said on the Bachelor they have romantic stuff. Howard said it's great reality TV. He said they had some romantic dates. He said they went out to dinner and stuff like that.
Howard said He should do the packages with the guys in there. He said they might have a lot of thoughts. Howard said He said He doesn't like a lot of stuff but the original was Soupy Sales. Howard said He went off on Pee Wee Herman about not liking talking chairs. He said Pee Wee was doing a Soupy Sales kind of show. Howard played a clip of Soupy talking about the things He doesn't like. Howard said that's where that all started. He said He started doing that after hearing that clip.
Howard said He loves Soupy but that's crazy talk. Howard did his impression of Soupy doing that ''I, I, I don't like'' thing.
Howard played a clip of himself talking about the things He doesn't like as Soupy Sales in 2017. Howard said Soupy lives on through ''I don't like.'' He said He doesn't like a lot of things. He said He has a montage of people who don't like him. He had a montage of people saying they don't like Howard in different ways.
Howard said the other thing He pointed out over the years and in 2017 is that He hates musicals. He said Robin likes them. He said She likes to tweet him about that. Howard said last year He created FOX News the Musical. He said He started riffing on the air and He did it with Amy Schumer. He said He was going to sit down and actually write this thing. He said He heard from many legitimate producers and theaters that wanted this musical. He said He would have done it if He wasn't so lazy. Howard said they produced this bit. Howard played a FOX Musical bit they did last year. Howard said Penn Jillette and Rob Corddry are in this bit. Howard said they were really into it.
Howard said if He ever does write this thing he'll ask Penn to be in it. He said it's exciting to hear this stuff. Howard said this play would have been perfect timing. He said this would be the biggest hit ever. Robin said it would break all records. Howard said all of the women in the #MeToo movement would go see it. He said even Oprah would go see it. He said he'd be dating Oprah. Howard said she'd date a white guy. Robin said She has dated white guys before. Howard said that's crazy. Robin asked why that's crazy. Gary said She may have dated Roger Ebert. Robin said She had at least one white boyfriend. Robin said She did watch her show.
Howard said he's working on Harvey Weinstein the musical. He said that's in the next theater over. Howard said Benjy will play Harvey.
Howard said at the Oscar's they do that review of people who died in 2017. Howard said they're doing one where they have High Pitch Erik narrating who died this year. Howard said with him reading it it's emotional even with Erik garbling the names. Howard played the clip and Erik read the names of people we lost in 2017. The list was long and they had Nicole Bass and Jay Thomas in there too.
Howard said Nicole Bass got the largest clip and Jerry Lewis got nothing. Howard said it's a bigger deal that Nicole is gone. Robin said She loves that Nicole asked if her voice was too deep. Howard said that was from Private Parts the movie. He said it was overlooked by the Academy.
Howard said in the NY Post they have pictures of hot chicks. Howard said they also had a review of American Idol which is coming back. Howard said it hasn't aired yet. He said they say that at the press conference they had this woman Trish Kinane and She ran America's Got Talent. Howard said He used to sit with her and talk. He said she's very smart. He said She knows about reality TV. Howard said She said they're not going to do that thing where the bad acts come out and audition. Howard said they won't have the William Hung or Sanjaya. He said that this reporter said that they're killing all of the fun with that.
Howard said that Trish is doing the right thing. He said they have to change the show up. He said they did that stuff for 15 years. He said they can't keep doing the same thing. Howard said they had bad acts showing up just to get on TV. Howard said Trish is right, She knows TV. Howard said you can't do the same thing over and over again. He said the odds of American Idol working again aren't good. Howard said that they have to change it. He said it's over. He said they're trying again. Howard said The Voice is still going and they can't believe it. Howard said people love it though. Robin said it's the judges chemistry that drives that show. Robin said it's not about the singers on that show.
Howard said Trish is good and He likes her. He said there are some people He likes. He said He doesn't like all of these music shows though. He said He doesn't like rotating chairs. Howard said it's not real. He was doing his Soupy Sales voice with that.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston but said He has to take a break so He can get into the year in review. Robin said Howard has a lot of impressions that He did in 2017. She mentioned the Millie Bobby Brown agent He came up with. Howard did some of that impression. Howard was talking about what He was telling his clients to do at the Golden Globes. He talked about how they kept Millie's baby bumps covered up. He said some day she'll be able to show off.
Mark asked why she's going with 3 names. The Agent talked about how She has to use all three because Bobby Brown is a singer. TA said that times up, tits out is what they told the Khaleesi. He said a child's career can go so wrong. He said He represented Jonathan Lipniki. He said he's a janitor at SiriusXM now.
Mark asked if He represents Kirk Douglas too. TA said they shouldn't have brought him out there. He said you just keep quiet. Robin asked why She asked him a question. TA said it's because she's mean.
Mark asked if Kirk would be a good guest. Howard said he'd be terrific. Howard said sometimes they are offered a guest with a thick accent and they have to turn it down. He said He loves Ozzy and he'll have him on any time but it's hard to follow. He said it's funny but Kirk Douglas... Robin said an accent can be funny but they can be unintelligible. Howard said He can't ask Kirk what it was like doing Spartacus and hear him mumble his answer. Howard said he's probably got great stuff but what is He going to do. Howard did his impression of Kirk. Mark asked about Leon Spinks. Howard said He could have both. Howard said on radio you have to have people you can understand.
Mark said He has only seen 2 guests on the Wrap Up Show who go from Howard's show to the Wrap Up Show. Howard said they have a lot of rules. He said just listen and don't worry so much. He hung up on Mark.
Robin said Howard also had the ISIS Hotline character last year. Howard did some of that impression for her. Howard had the ISIS Hotline guy telling people to call the hotline and what to do when you call. He said operators are standing by now to help start a holy war. He had the guy telling people they have a special place for Lorde there. He also mentioned Roger Waters. Fred played pone ringing sounds while He was talking about all of that. The ISIS Hotline guy was answering a lot of calls and taking some for SiriusXM support and for the ISIS Hotline. He said they do all of that there.
Robin said she's not sure how you convince people to die in these situations. The ISIS Hotline guy said He has the 10th suicide hotline caller on the line and He won tickets to the Lorde concert. Howard asked how much longer He has to do this. Robin said He can stop. The ISIS Hotline guy took a call from a caller asking what kind of tree He got for Robin. He told that person to call the Stern Show. The ISIS Hotline guy was talking customer calls from SiriusXM customers. He was also telling a woman how to fit a bomb in her pussy.
Howard gave up and said He did a lot of impressions. Robin said He did two big ones last year. Howard said He has to take a break. He said that they should play the impressions Fred did last year. Howard said He did Ronnie a lot. Fred said it's starting to get into his personal life and that's not good. He said it's like Ronnie is taking over. Howard asked if He likes doing it. Fred said it's a blast. He said it just sort of happens. He said He sees his face and He inspires. He said that people think he's sick for thinking up those things but it's just a character.
Howard thanked Scott for that. He did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard wondered if he's on the spectrum. Brent said that spectrum is wide so He could be. Howard asked Sal what's going on with his hair today. Sal said he's out of product and He has hat-head. He said He had a can of Aquanet there but He brought it home with him. Gary asked if He uses the spray can. Sal said of course He does. Robin said you'd think he'd replace the can. Sal said He uses a lot. Howard said just spray Richard's jizz in his hair. Sal said now he's talking.
Howard said JD gave out this list to Jason. Jason said it's not searchable since it's written down. He said they pulled out a lot of stats. He said JD played video games on 128 days. He said He played different versions of games. Howard asked if JD is good at any of them. JD said no. He said he's not great at them. Howard said he's reading the stats. He said He watched over 800 hours of TV in his personal time. JD said He has to do something in his free time. Howard asked if He has any other interests. JD said He is starting to get into wine and food. He said it's finer foods. He said he's trying different things. He said he's becoming a foodie. Ronnie said He swirls his wine and smells it. JD said He doesn't smell it. He said He thinks it's good to swirl it around to air it out. Howard said He has learned this new hobby. JD said his girlfriend got him into it.
Howard asked JD if He picks the wine when He goes out. JD said his girlfriend will pick it out. He said He likes red over white. Howard asked JD if it's a positive thing since He ate poorly for years. JD said it is. Howard asked where He went that was nice. JD said he's trying to think. Howard said he's enjoying sophisticated JD. JD said they went to a French place a few weeks ago. Ronnie had to laugh at that. He said he's laughing at him like JD laughs at him. JD said He had to laugh at Ronnie today because He was having a problem with the door to the studio. Shuli said He almost got his ass kicked by the door.
JD said He tried a glass of wine from 1989. Howard asked if He knows the name of the restaurant He went to. JD said He doesn't know. He said it's on 1st ave somewhere. Ronnie said it might be that Felice place. Ronnie said he's into cheeses too. Howard said he's Sir JD of Dayton.
Howard asked if this is something new for him. JD said He likes Macaroni and Cheese. Howard said his ass looks like Cottage Cheese. JD said they had this cheese that had been aged for a while. Shuli said He has been to the opera too. JD said He won't do that again unless ''she'' wants him to. He only refers to his fiancee as ''she.''
Robin said that JD was talking about a bottle of wine from 1989 that He didn't like. JD said it was okay.
Howard asked if He has a suggestion for any wine that people might like. JD said He doesn't know. Robin asked if He has a specific region He likes. JD said he's doesn't. Ronnie said they went out a wine and cheese bar the other night and He was swirling his wine and eating the cheese. He said the place was really good. He said He was next to JD and taking it all in. He was like ''Wow.''
Ronnie said He had his normal drink and He did a really good job. He said He has a Tangaray. Sal said that's an old fart drink. He said that's what Milton Berle would have. Ronnie said Howard's agent turned him on to this Hendrick's gin. He said that they put cucumber in it at the good places. He said they muddle it in. Ronnie said they went to this bar and He was drinking that and having the cheese.
Howard said it's fair to say that 2017 was the year of JD branching out. Howard said the list is teaching them where JD is heading.
Jason said they learned that JD is into something based on this list. He said the most watched show was Big Brother. He said the second most watched was Grand Sumo Highlights. JD said He happened upon a Japanese channel and they have 14 days straight of sumo wrestling. He said He did watch a lot of that. Gary said JD is very excited about the celebrity version that's coming up. JD said he'd like to see Gary Busey on one. He said that David Guest was on one in England. Howard said He would get bored with Sumo wrestling. JD said He did. He said there was some interesting stuff though.
Howard said JD published this journal. Jason said that it's up on HowardStern.com. Jason said JD only watched 5 episodes of Jon Hein's show. Howard said He loves Jon Hein though. JD said there are two things to this. He said one is that He marked things He watched full episodes of. He said they talk about the Mets a lot so He doesn't watch it a lot. Jason said He watched 95 episodes of Big Brother. JD said this season was particularly good. Howard said he's never watched it. JD said that He wasn't watching it that much the past few seasons but this year He did.
Jason said JD also watches a lot of food shows. Shuli asked why JD is watching so much TV when that's his job. Howard said He loves it. Howard said He thinks he's going to be a director and he's just dreaming big.
Howard said in 2017 JD announced He was getting engaged on Twitter. Howard said that set him off because He didn't do it on the show. Howard said He did it his own way but not on the show. Howard said He works for a radio show so maybe doing it there would be good for the show. Robin said He has a media outlet there. Howard played a clip of JD talking about that on the air last year and explaining that his girlfriend was the one who had the idea to do that.
Howard said that was a big moment. Howard said JD also hired a woman to set up his wedding and paid her $500 to do it. Howard said they had her call in. Howard played a clip of the fake woman calling in with the mumbly voice like JD.
Howard asked when the wedding is. JD said ''Duh, August.'' Jason said He loves that He invited people and then ''disinvited'' them. JD said they didn't send Save the Date cards out. Ronnie said He was told to save the date but then told to go fuck himself. Howard asked if He really told people to save the date. Gary said He was told He was invited and then found out that he's not invited. Howard said JD was never going to say anything to him. Gary said He found out in the studio on this panel.
Ronnie said He was told in person in the hallway. He said He was told plans changed and no one was invited from work. He said it was only him and Jon. He said He didn't even tell Jon. Howard asked if Jon is secretly invited. JD said it's an elopement kind of thing right now. He said his brother might be there. Brent said if you have a date it's not an elopement. JD thanked him for setting him straight. He said right now it's just his parents and his brother. He said it will be a total of about 8 people.
Howard said He loves that Ronnie drove him to get his ring and He isn't invited. JD said he'd rather go to city hall and just get it done. He said if He put his foot down He would do that. Howard said He should have Ronnie there. JD said he'd rather have all the people or none. He said He doesn't want to invite just one. Gary said He gets that. He said if He invites one He has to have others.
Howard said JD cold fix this by just inviting everyone. JD said it would cost too much. He said He just can't do it. Howard asked JD why it would cost too much if they don't fly people out. JD said He doesn't want to talk about this. He said He can't take everyone looking at him. He asked Howard to move on and no more wedding talk. Howard said he's going to end this but ask him one thing. He asked JD if she's hitting him, blink twice right now. JD said She is not the issue there.
Howard said they also learned that JD had his in-laws over and He put them on an air mattress. Howard played a clip of JD talking about that.
Howard said they also had JD's girlfriend call in last year but She had her voice disguised. It was one of the guys in the back calling in as her. Howard played a clip.
Howard said that the only thing He wanted to bring up before closing out this segment was when they had Joe Buck in there. Howard said Joe went out and watched JD eating breakfast and did a play by play. Howard played a clip of Joe doing that.
Howard said that was a great bit. Howard said they have to talk about what a great sport JD is. JD said He tries. Howard said his fiancee is on the phone to close this out. Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were doing the voice again. She told JD to talk about what He wants but she's going to kick his fucking ass. Howard talked to the girlfriend for a short time about the wedding and why the guys can't go. She was going off on his friends and said once the wedding is over they're all done hanging out. JD said She loves Ronnie actually. Howard said things are going to get drastically different after the wedding. The fiancee said people think she's marrying a Sumo wrestler. Howard said She wears the pants in the family so when is She going to get impregnated. She said on the honeymoon he's going to drop a load inside her. Howard asked if She wants a boy or a girl. She said as long as it's not a mush mouth she'll be happy. The girlfriend She wants that fucking nerd inside her now. She said it's like fucking a beanbag chair when they have sex. Howard let her go a short time later. Howard said they have to take a break now. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked what they were playing Fred told him and Howard wondered if Billy likes that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked for some advice on dating. He said he's having a hard time. Howard said the first thing he'd do is change his name from Tate to something else. Howard asked if he's divorced. Tate said He is. He said his wife had some mental issues. Howard said every ex-husband thinks his wife has mental issues. Howard said good lord. He said come on.
Howard asked what the problem is with the divorce. Tate said it's getting back into the dating world. Howard said he's divorced and He started dating that night. Howard said He jumped right back into it. Brent told the guy to use Tinder. He said girls are looking for sex on there. Howard said it could be a dude though. He said that it could be a trans.
Howard said He would consider moving into a residence hall. He said Bumble is a dating site too. He said He can try that. Howard said maybe at work He can find someone. Howard said you meet people and ask them out. Howard said you take a shot. Tate said he's trying that. Howard said He really has to get out of this call. Ronnie said no wonder the old lady went mental. Howard said She went insane fucking Tate.
Howard said when He got famous dating was easy. He said when you get famous you can meet women easily. Howard said Taint should go out and get on a dating site. He said get on Bumble or Tinder. Howard said Steve Nowicki is getting laid all the time on Tinder. Howard asked if he's getting laid 2 or 3 times a week on there. Steve came in and Howard asked how old He is. Steve said he's 25. Howard asked what he's doing there. Steve said he's getting laid on tinder and He has the greatest job in the world. Howard said He heard He gets laid so much He got a BJ for 2 hours and couldn't cum. Steve said yes. Howard said he's so drained from his seed. Steve said he's gotten very good blow jobs and the bad ones make him go forever. Howard asked if He felt bad that She was there sucking so long. Steve said it was alright but her jaw hurt about an hour into it. Howard asked if He kept trying. Steve said He didn't say anything. Ronnie asked if his cock was sore. Steve said He had a scab for like a month after that. Sal said 100 girls on Tinder just shit their pants.
Steve said the scab was there so long because He couldn't stop from jerking off. Robin said you have to put a cone on him like a dog.
Howard said what he's saying is sign up to Tinder or what? Steve said Tinder is the best one. He said Bumble is harder to score on. He said you have to spend so much time on it. Howard asked if He wants to meet a girl to marry or is it just sex. Steve said he's looking for more of a girlfriend now.
Howard asked if he's getting so much that he's becoming immune to love. He said he's had so many women that it must be hard to stop the party. Steve said He would like to find someone. He said you can get into some freaky shit if you're comfortable. JD laughed.
Howard said Steve had a girl who had a rape fantasy. Steve said He did and they were hooking up on the bed and She pushes him. He said He backed the fuck off. He said She was into that and He asked what ''that'' was. He said She likes it rough. He said She pushed him off. He said that they agreed to say pineapple if they had too much.
Howard said the rape fantasy went on after that. Steve said He was forceful but not verbal. Sal said his wife pushes him off of her all the time. He said that's it though. He doesn't get to continue.
Gary asked if He goes on dates or just hook ups. Steve said He gets laid about 70 percent of the time. Howard said it's scary to do that rape fantasy stuff. Steve said they talked that out for like 5 minutes.
Jason asked if He thinks He has to be mean to girls like Memet is. Steve said He doesn't do that. Howard said this is for Tate. He said the best way to do it is get on an app. Steve said you should buy boosts so they can get you at the top of the list. He said it costs money but it works.
Howard asked what his best week on Tinder was. Steve said it takes a long time so you have to do that.
Shuli asked Steve if the girls send him invites or does He have to reach out to them. Steve said you have to reach out to them 90 percent of the time. Howard asked how quick he's gotten laid. Steve said He will say something to the girl and you talk until you have something in common. He said they'll go out for a drink. He said it takes days to work it out. He said He has had sex twice with one woman. He made out with two girls once too. He said He didn't have sex with them though.
Brent asked if he's using condoms all the time. Steve said He is. Howard asked if things are going well.
Steve said this girl was on her period recently and He had sex on his comforter and He can't get the blood out. He said He threw it out. Steve said He had one girl like that and He brought it to the dry cleaner because it's a nice comforter. He said it's a Nautica. Steve said He brought it to the dry cleaner and it was 40 bucks but He told them it was pasta sauce. He said She knew it wasn't sauce.
Brent asked if Steve ever films himself with these girls. Steve said no but He did ask if He could take one of a girl giving him a blow job. She said no. Howard asked how big He is. Steve said he's got about 6.5 inches and it has girth like an peeled banana. Howard said he's about half a banana. Shuli said he's like a sliced banana. Ronnie asked if it's curved like a banana. Steve said it is a little bit. Sal said Gary is getting hungry hearing all of this banana talk.
Howard took a call from Ronnie's Mom who was all excited about this. She said she's not going to throw out a good comforter like that. Howard asked Ronnie's Mom some questions and She was saying that She worked in Hollywood and She knows you have to put out. She said in her day She couldn't get around West Hollywood without blowing some guys. Ronnie asked where this shit came from. He said She was never an actress. Ronnie's Mom said she's a fuckin' actress. She said tell Oprah to calm the fuck down. Howard said He thinks that she's into Steve. Ronnie asked what the fuck happened to his mother. Ronnie's Mom said She wants to stick his cock in her eye and in her ear. She said in her cunt too. Ronnie asked where she's coming off with this shit all of a sudden. He asked who gives a shit about that.
Howard asked if She ever wanted to fuck Ronnie. Ronnie's Mom was gone. Howard said She hung up. Howard said she's as charming as ever.
Howard had Ronnie's Mom back on the phone and She said She fucks Ronnie all the time. Ronnie asked about what was going on with the threesome that night. Ronnie's Mom said She was breast feeding Ronnie and She clit fed him too. She said She was taking it anally from the neighbor. She said She was getting punched in the ass. She said She was going to squirt and that's why Ronnie was such a healthy baby.
Howard said by the way Steve has a banana dick. Howard asked if She has ever taken a banana in her ass. Ronnie's Mom said She fell off the garage roof and a piece of metal went right up her ass. She said it had dog shit on it. She said She was doing a flip off her garage and it went right up her fuckin' ass. She said it was dog shit on the metal and She took it right up her hole. She said She took a field hockey stick up there too. She said She shoved a whole cat up her pussy too. And a Tricycle. She said She fucked a canoe. Howard said Ronnie has done that too. Ronnie's Mom said her cunt goes from her belly button to her spine. She said Ronnie fell right out of her when He was born. She said she's shoved a midget up her cunt and he's still there. She said Ronnie has to pull it out because he's a good son. She said it's a clown car up in her cunt.
Howard said Ronnie loves her very much and He was in a gang at one point but He turned out okay. Howard said He loves him. He thanked Ronnie's Mom for raising such a nice son and dropping him out of her cunt. Ronnie's Mom said any time. Howard said He heard She had an orgasm when He came out of her cunt. She said ''Oh yeahhh.'' She said his whiskers rubbed her pussy hair as He came out. Howard asked if Brent can believe this woman. Brent said it all makes sense now. Gary said He believes every word of it.
Howard tanked Ronnie's mom for the call. He said she's a lovely woman. He said she's been all over. Howard said He doesn't like her knocking the #MeToo movement because She likes being harassed. Howard thanked her for the call again.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked Steve how many of these women call him afterward. Howard asked if it's just a one shot deal. Steve said that they might hit him up again but He may or may not get back to them. Howard asked if it's just the conquest and then it's no longer interesting. Steve said if you're fucking on the first date it might not be the person you want to be with. Steve said he'd like to fine a true connection but in the mean time it's fine. Brent said 25 is too young. He said He should go until he's at least 30. Howard said Sal is replaying his show in his head. Sal said He has to tell him that he's worried about these Millenials. He said it was difficult back in the day. He said it's too easy now. Howard said listen to mature Sal. Sal said it's too easy to get sex for free. He said it could damage a lot of relationships. Howard said this is Wise Sal. Gary said Sal met his wife in college. Sal said He was 19. Brent asked if He fantasizes that these apps were around. Sal said if they were his cock would have fallen off by now. He said it's scary. He said loves is precious in a way. The guys all laughed. Jason said this is the guy who wrote a song about beating his wife. Sal said he's grown up. He said Steve could pass on a woman who He could love. Howard said they should do the year in review for Sal and Richard.
Howard asked if He ever fingers his ass. Sal said He doesn't but He did stick a Waterpik up his ass when He was young. Gary asked why He wets his ass when He does that. Howard said it sounds like he's wetting it like his asshole is a vagina. Sal said that's a good point. He said He never looked at it that way. Howard said He would never do that. Sal said he's thinking of a rim job when He wets it. He said He wets it like a woman is licking it. Howard asked if He rubs his asshole. Sal said they should move on. Ronnie said he's rubbing his asshole with a wet spit finger and then jerking off. Sal said he's simulating a rim job. Howard asked if He sniffs his finger. Sal said He doesn't unless He gets a whiff just in case He has to clean it after. Sal said you sniff your fingers after taking a shit and if they smell fine you just move on. Right? Gary said ''NO!''
Sal said He did this once when He was in the city when they had snow storm. He said his wife may have been home shoveling at the time. Richard said Sal came in and told him about that when He came in the next day. Howard said jerking off is like date night for Sal. Howard said just put on YouPorn and do it. Sal said sometimes you get romantic with your ass. Robin said He went and told Richard about it. Ronnie said He never did that.
Shuli said Ronnie has used a vibrator on his ass. Ronnie said He wasn't the one doing it. He said so what. Ronnie said you've never lived. Shuli laughed. Robin said it's weird that Sal told Richard about jerking off. Sal said that's not weird because it was a good time. Richard said Sal was all excited about jerking off that night. He told him He was going to do that. Sal said he's free to do what He wants with his cock.
Howard said He has never done anything like that. Sal said He has never lived then. Gary asked Sal if He was joking about the smelling his hands thing. Sal said He was. Howard said He doesn't believe it. Howard said you should wash up.
Howard said if there's one person on staff with more strange experiences than Sal it's Richard. Howard said Richard doesn't have a filter. He said He isn't ashamed to mention anything. Howard had a list of things He revealed last year. Howard said He pees in a pool, a sink and in the yard when He was growing up. He said He shit his pants on his new couch. He shit his pants at work after eating a bad salad. He finished the salad. Howard said He used a towel to brush his teeth too. Howard said these are two of the weirdest guys on staff. Robin said they take the top of the list. Howard said Sal had a weird relationship with his dad but not Richard.
Howard asked Sal about this new story about his dad. Sal said his dad saves lotto tickets and He saves them in the couch cushions. He said they're in his mother's couch cushions. He said his dad thinks that He could win something from them for some reason. Sal said his dad kept hitting pause on the TV and it turns out every time He sees a number on the TV He writes it down and plays it in the Lotto. He said He has pages and pages of numbers. He said his dad will write down 10:00 when they say ''It's 10 o'clock do you know where your children are?'' He said that He thinks that He can get numbers from his grandmother at her funeral. Howard said that's weird. Sal said his father thinks that if anyone is sick in the family they should come to them and give them the numbers.
Howard asked if He thinks his life is screwed up from his dad. Sal said He thinks He learned not to do a lot of stuff from his dad. Gary asked how you know it's not normal. Sal said there are things that happen that you can't put together and they are really messed up. Richard said Sal's dad spends a lot of time on his hair like Sal does. He uses the Aquanet on his hair too. Sal said his dad would tan with tea bags that were soaked in oil.
Shuli said He saw a guy who took his $1200 paycheck and bought scratch off tickets with it. He said He scratched them and had $460 from it. Howard said it's a sucker's game. He said you're not going to win. Sal said his father plays 1-7 in one box. He said He plays the numbers like that. Howard said that's not a smart way to play it. Sal said that's all He wants for birthday and Christmas gifts. Sal said his dad got mad at him for getting him a nice shirt because He just wanted the lottery tickets.
Howard said one time last year Richard admitted He shit all over his own hand in their bathroom there. Howard played a clip of Richard talking about that. He said that He shook Dr. Drew's hand after that.
Howard said that's gross. The guys said that Drew is still freaked out by that. Howard said He shouldn't do that. Howard said Richard has friends who do weird stuff too. He said Richard used to get pissed on by a buddy in the shower. Howard played a clip of Richard talking about that.
Richard said He was telling the guys about a friend He used to bathe with and his dad was hilarious. He said one time He shoved his finger in his own ass and rubbed his finger on his lips. Howard said ''Oh my god.'' Richard said He was vomiting and laughing at the same time. Richard said He thought it was brilliant. Robin said she's wondering about how that happened. Robin asked what they were doing. Howard said if Robin complains about her father again he's going to remind her. Richard said this guy had sweats on and He called him over to see something. He said He stuck his finger in his ass and rubbed it on his lip. He said He thought it was funny. He said this was the father of the kid who bathed with him.
Richard said his friend had a carpet He used to jizz on and it would get crusty. Howard said that's the funniest crime ever. He did that in his Richard impression voice. Gary said He would never go to that house again after that. Howard said He went to a kid's house and the father wanted to teach him to play chess. He said He learned from him and He learned that He didn't know how to play so He didn't learn. He said He never went back. He said He would have freaked out if someone rubbed shit on his face. Richard said it was on his lips and in his mouth. Richard said He told his parents about it. He said his dad let him go back after that. Brent said He would maim that guy if He did that to him. Shuli said the guy didn't stick his finger up his ass until Richard was next to him.
Howard said He went to a kid's house once and the father stuck lemon pie in his face. He said He never went back there either. He said he'd never go back to a house where the dad sticks shit on your face.
Richard said He had a guy give him 10 bucks to put a condom on after getting a boner. The guys thought that was weird too.
Howard said back in October they did Cocktober which pissed off a lot of people. He said they had JJ Knight bang his cock into a gong. Howard played a clip of that.
Howard said Richard also stuck his cock in Sal's mouth for the first time. Howard said Michael Rapaport had to guess what they were drawing with their cocks and Richard painted on Sal's face and Sal closed his eyes so Richard slipped his cock into his mouth. Howard played a clip.
Howard said radio history was made that month. Richard said He thought Sal would laugh at that. Sal said maybe if He sticks his finger up his ass and rubs shit on his face Richard will laugh.
Howard said the guys were trying to figure out who showed their penis most last year and they both showed it equally. Gary said He asked Sal who he's show it to and He had a limit. He said Richard said He would show it to anyone. Gary said his mother in law has seen it because she's a fan of the show. He said he'd show it to anyone.
Richard said look at Sal's penis and you'll understand why. Sal asked Robin who has a nicer penis. Robin said it has to be Richard. Robin said Sal looks like an anteater.
Gary said they were talking about ways to break the tie. He said an idea came up that was very funny. He said they were going to have the guys wear edible underwear and chew it off. Whoever won would be the winner. He said Richard was all about it but not Sal. Howard said Richard would do it. Sal said he's not going to chew that stuff off of Richard. Sal said it's very gay and he's not gay. Howard said he's a comedian and he'd be eating his underwear off. Richard said he'd be eating his cock basically. Sal said no way.
Howard asked Richard if he'd do it this year. Richard said He would. Sal said it doesn't make sense to do it. He said they're not in Cocktober.
Howard said they have to wrap up with Sal and Richard. He said they're going to take a break and wrap up the year in review. He said they can look forward to 2018 after that.
Howard said there was a smell of smoke in the building but it wasn't in the building, it was coming from the subway. Howard said He had to wake everyone up and disturb them. Howard said He has notified the building that He sleeps around that time. Ronnie said it was a transformer fire in the subway. He said it was coming up into their lobby somehow. Howard said He figured the announcement would stop. He said it went on for a minute 30. He said they were safe and didn't have to evacuate.
Jason said Howard left and they came back on and announced it again. Ronnie said it doesn't play in the studio. Howard said he's going to move a bed into the studio. Howard had a clip of the announcement. He said He jumped when He heard it. Howard said imagine that happens. Jason said this is the same announcements that they made in the World Trade Center when they were hit by the planes. He said they told people not to leave. Howard said that's right. Howard said the noise really gets to him. He said it's the noise that wakes anyone who is sleeping at work up.
Ronnie said they test that noise every morning at 7 but Howard doesn't hear it in the studio. Howard said it was like the War and Peace of announcements. He said He was up and He was pissed. Howard said He came home and He wasn't happy. He said He wasn't able to talk from not getting sleep.
Sal asked Howard if he's able to sleep immediately. Howard said He meditates and that helps him sleep. Howard told Sal to go suck Richard's dick. Howard said He recommends TM highly.
Wolfie asked Howard which super hero movie He liked the most last year. Howard said He waits to see them until they come out on DVD. He said He heard that Justice League was good and He liked Wonder Woman and Spider-Man Homecoming. He said He didn't see Guardians of the Galaxy 2. Jason said He loved that. Wolfie said He loved Logan. Howard said that was great too. He said he's going to give it to Wonder Woman. Jason said He got angry watching that movie. He said She shouldn't be for just one person. He said She should be for the whole world.
Howard said that movie is banned in some countries because she's from Israel. Howard said He will see Justice League. Jason said Thor is good too. He said he's missing out if He doesn't see it. Howard said he'll pay for that stuff so they'll make more. Robin said She wants them to make good ones. Robin said they reward people for making crap and they make more crap. Howard said they're all good because He wants to see this stuff come to life.
Howard said Robin had an outburst. Robin said the movies She saw were bad. She said the ones She did see were bad and the others were bad based on what She heard from her friends. Robin said Justice League He can wait on. Howard said She hasn't seen it though. Robin said they're based on what her friends say and She trusts her friends. JD asked what the best movie was that She saw this year. Robin said Wonder Woman was the best. She said that She went right out and saw it too. Howard said He has to talk to her off the air.
Robin said She loved Star Wars. She said that's probably what she'd pick as the best movie of the year if it wasn't about super hero movies.
Howard said He has to honor Wolfie and play some clips. Ronnie said that guy annoys him. He said it's not fun when they send him out to do that to him.
Howard said this is part 2 of the Wack Pack in review. Howard said Wolfie handled a lot of that last year. Howard said they went to see Big Foot in his natural environment. Howard said they found him in 2006 and He lives up in Vermont. He said He lives with squatters He can't get rid of. Howard said He uses his money to buy drugs. Howard said Wolfie went to Vermont. He played some audio of Wolfie going up there and meeting Big Foot for the first time. Big Foot was willing to suck on his knob as soon as He came to the door.
Wolfie said He thinks of his mouth and He has blackened nubs for teeth. Howard played another clip of Big Foot taking a shit in front of Wolfie. Wolfie stood in the bathroom while He did it.
Howard asked Wolfie what was going on there. Wolfie said He had diarrhea and it was black. He said when He smells cigarette smoke his memory brings him right back there. Howard said Hoda Kotb would never go there to do an interview. He said they talk about how great She is but she'd never do that.
Howard said Shuli tried to ask Big Foot how his year was. He had some audio of Shuli asking him that and Big Foot had a hard time understanding what He was saying. Big Foot said He gets high every month. He said he's going to do the same thing in 2018. He said nothing changes around there. Wolfie said there's no way He can survive another year. Howard said the black tar shit has to indicate something. Robin said it's usually bleeding internally that causes it. Jason said He also revealed that He uses towels to wipe his ass. He will use used tissues to wipe his ass too. Wolfie said that the towels are all over the floor in his bathroom.
Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult has been part of the show for 15 years. He said it seems longer. Howard said He remembers her calling in for the first time. Howard said Wolfie spent some time with Wendy and they learned a lot about her begging for money and things like that. Howard played some audio of Wendy begging for money at Walmart. She claimed She has 3 kids.
Howard said that it's better She lies about having kids than actually having kids. Wolfie said that script is memorized. He said She can pull it out at any time. Howard said Wolfie also rode in the car with Wendy and her mom and She doesn't wear a seat belt. Howard played a clip of her talking about why She doesn't like that thing around her neck. Wendy said She might get more money from the government if she's in an accident. Howard said that's retarded strategy.
Howard said that maybe the car crash could fix her. Howard said He might have to make a movie about that. Howard said if they get Howard 360 going this year maybe He can get a budget to make that film. Howard said He met with Jim Meyer about that and He gave him $50 of his own money for that.
Howard said speaking of SiriusXM they came out with a big press release this morning. He said they have total subscribers now of 32.7 million. Howard said they are welcoming 1.39 million new subscribers. Howard said welcome friends. Howard said they said it could never be done but it has been done. Howard said they didn't even have 1.39 million when they started. Gary said they had like 400,000 when Howard made the announcement.
Howard said it's great that they've grown like that. Howard said all 1.39 million must listen to this show. Brent said of course.
Howard said another Wack Packer they have to mention is Tan Mom. Howard said they learned about her on the news. Howard said She was accused of taking her 6 year old into the tanning booth. Howard said She fit right in when She came on the show. Howard said Sal loved her and She loves Sal. Howard said He would have fucked her if He was single. Sal said maybe. He said she's a wild chick. He said those nutty ones are fun in the sack. Howard said she's the nuttiest. Shuli did his Tan Mom impression for Howard.
Howard said Memet went and did an embedded with Tan Mom. Howard said He did a Wolfie kind of thing. Howard said Tan Mom loves Memet so they sent him. Gary said She calls him Lemet. Howard played some audio of Tan Mom talking to Memet about her furniture in her house. She said the furniture was from the 1800s when the Holocaust happened.
Howard said Sal and Tan Mom must have had the same history teacher. Sal said He knows the holocaust wasn't in the 1800s. He said it was in the 1940s. Shuli did more of his Tan Mom impression talking to Howard about that.
Howard said Memet went to the tanning salon with Tan Mom. Howard said Tan Mom was very mean to her husband in the car. He said She calls him her driver. Howard played some audio from that day.
Howard spent more time talking to Shuli as Tan Mom. Shuli had her on a roller coaster of emotions as He put it. He had her acting sexy and then screaming at someone.
Howard said Shuli does a great impression of Tan Mom and they had Tan Mom on the phone and had Shuli call in as Tanner Mom. Howard played a clip from that day.
Howard said that Shuli had a year of impressions too. He said He should mention Underdog too. He said She dresses up as Underdog and other characters at parades. Howard said She won't speak to him but She loves Shuli. He said that somehow He became friends with her and he's been trying to get her on the show. Howard said Shuli went embedded with her and went to Coney Island for a parade. Howard said these women are almost naked in the parade and Underdog is upset about their outfits and lack of dress code. Howard played some audio from an interview Shuli did with Underdog about the lack of a dress code.
Howard said you can't reason with her. He said they're dressed as mermaids and you can't make them wear clothes. Brent said it would be over if they had a dress code. Shuli said there are guys there just to take pictures of the women with their tops off.
Howard played another clip of Shuli talking to Tan Mom about ice cream. She only likes chocolate. She said She doesn't like particles in her ice cream. Robin said She reminds her of Tiny Tim in that clip.
Howard said Shuli convinced Underdog to call into the show when Jimmy Kimmel was on. Howard said they almost convinced her that he's a good guy. Howard played a clip of Underdog nearly in tears talking to Howard and Jimmy.
Howard thought there was more to the clip but it was static from Wolfie's phone so He accidentally hung up on him. He said he's sorry about that. Howard played more of Underdog talking to him on the show that day She called in.
Howard said finally they have a clip where they broke the news to Underdog that She won't be going on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Howard played that clip where Underdog got the bad news.
Howard said that's it for the year in review. Howard thanked the guys for coming in for that. He said He has to thank guys like Richard, Steve and Wolfie who He hung up on. He said He has to thank Ronnie's Mom too. Howard said they're not thanking Benjy. Howard said He heard He did a great job on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Gary said He was great for 38 of the 40 minutes of the show. Gary said Benjy did the live commercial reads and He wasn't that good a reader. Howard said He didn't hear that. Shuli said He was very slow. Gary said He was trying to put emotion into it. He said it didn't work. Howard asked Benjy to come in and read a commercial. He said He wants to hear how bad it is.
Howard had Benjy come in to read a Stamps.com commercial. Benjy asked for more light to read it. Howard told him to stop it. Benjy said He did choke with the live commercials but He reads fine. Howard said it's like reading in front of the class. Benjy said He loves that. Benjy wanted to ask a question but Howard told him to just do it. He said He won't say anything. Fred played the music and Benjy read the commercial.
During the commercial Gary said this was much better than yesterday. Benjy said if He was doing it He would practice and get better. Benjy continued on and finished up.
Howard said that wasn't so bad. He said it's just slow and careful so it's tedious. He said he's bad at it. Howard said great bit Gary.
Howard said people enjoyed Benjy. He took a call from a guy who didn't get to his point. JD said his fiancee enjoyed him. Benjy said He felt so fucking good. He said He wants to be doing that. Howard said He wants to be on Wrap Up. Benjy said that or something like that. Howard rolled his eyes. He said He knows this is going nowhere. Benjy said he'd like to be a part of it again. Howard said he's glad He figured out what He wants to do at 50. Gary said He was on his best behavior. He said in a month and a half he'd go back. Benjy said let him do it more and they'll find out. Benjy asked to be on today. Howard asked if they want him on again today. Gary said maybe next week so they can make it special. Howard said maybe on Tuesday next week.
Howard asked Benjy if He wants to do another live. Benjy said He can but give him some advice. Howard told him to read faster. Benjy said he'll give it a try. Howard had him do it. Benjy read the commercial and seemed to do it a little faster. Howard said he's responding to criticism. Benjy finished up and Howard said he's going to call him Benjy Seacrest. Brent said it was much better today. He said He did improve. Benjy said he's good in a panel format on the air. He said he'll see them next Tuesday. Brent said He has to do what He did yesterday. Howard said He won and got another day. Benjy said see you next Tuesday. Gary repeated that. They went to break after that.
Howard said He was thinking about this David Letterman special he's doing. He said he's honored that He asked him to do it. Howard said He was kind of freaked out by it. He said it's an hour long in front of a live audience. Howard said they asked him to fly out to Ball State University to do it. He said it's not a great school. He said He was laying in bed getting worked up. He said He had to stop himself from having negative thoughts. Howard said these guys the Radical Brothers must have come up with this idea to do it at Ball State. Howard said it's an absurd premise. Howard said He doesn't get why he'd do it in Indiana. Howard said He should do it at WTBU or something like that where He did his thing. Howard said he's not going to go to Boston but they could have suggested it. Howard said he's the guest. Robin said maybe it has nothing to do with him. He said maybe they should be in Dave's territory. Howard said that's ridiculous. Howard said they're also going to walk around together and he's going to end up interviewing Dave about what He did there.
Howard said He was going nuts over this. He said He was thinking about these Radical guys and they're out of their minds. Howard said it's in an auditorium. He said they don't even know they're in Indiana. Howard said maybe do it from his first radio station in Westchester. Howard said He thought He was being interviewed by Dave and not the other way around. Howard said maybe he's thinking too conventionally. Robin said maybe they are flipping the switch. Howard said he'd want to go to Indiana to talk to Dave if He was doing an interview like this.
Howard said Obama is free to go to Indiana but he's not. Howard said if they're smart they'll take him to Chicago or Washington. Robin said it doesn't make any difference where He comes from. Howard said He was thinking about pleasant things to get to sleep. He said He doesn't want to be an asshole. He said He doesn't have the time to fly out there. He said He doesn't do that. Howard said he's not going to Indiana. He said it's making him mental. He said He has no beef with Indiana but He has no connection to it. He doesn't even know where it is. Robin said it's in the United States. Howard said He knows that.
Howard said this show is about him that week. He said he's not traveling. He said He hopes Dave doesn't know what's going on. He said He has no contact with those fuck faces. He said He thinks Dave is leaving it up to them. Howard said maybe have them in a bed or something together. He said He doesn't want to go to that college. Howard said that's what you do if you're interviewing Dave.
Howard said he's only doing this for Dave. He said He doesn't want to go out there to do it. He said if he's going to interview Dave about this life then he'd go out there.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked what kind of fans these guys are of the show. Howard said He never said they were fans. He said they somehow bamboozled Dave into some kind of deal. Howard let Mariann go after that.
Howard said anchor people are never witty. He said they're not funny. He said they should say something intelligent instead of what they're saying. Howard said they have nothing to say. He said they should just shut up. He said being an anchor requires zero talent. He said you just have to be pretty or handsome. Howard said He has a beard and they know something is going on there. Howard said He asked Dave about his beard when He was there and He likes it. Howard asked what else there is to say about that. Howard said it's all about the beard. Howard said He should be an anchor and talk about Dave's beard. Howard did an impression of the ''fucking assholes'' He was talking about. He said that's why he's a success. He said he's just a little bit smarter than them. Howard did more of his impression of the anchors before getting to the news.
Robin got to her news and started off with a story about Lana Del Ray putting out a song and now she's being sued. Robin said the song sounds a little bit like Radiohead's ''Creep.'' Robin had some of that song and Lana Del Ray's song that allegedly sounds like that one. It's called ''Get Free.'' Howard played some of that and it did have a similar sound. Howard said She has to accept it. Robin said She says it wasn't inspired by Creep. Fred said it's real similar. Robin said Radiohead was sued by the guy who wrote The Holly's ''The Air That I Breathe.'' Howard said maybe the Holly's should sue Lana. Robin had some of that song to play too. Howard said Lana sounds like Radiohead but Radiohead doesn't sound like The Holly's. Gary said that the guys found out the Holly's got writing credit for the Radiohead song.
Robin read a story about the richest man in the world being Jeff Bezos. Howard said He deserves it. He said it's such a great service. He said He almost jizzes when He gets an Amazon box in the mail. Howard said He got a gift card from there and He loves it. He said thank you to Jeff Bezos. Robin said they say that He might be the richest person of all time. Howard said good. He asked how old He is. Robin said she's not sure. Howard said He loves people like that. Robin said most of the wealth comes from the Amazon stock. Howard said He thinks He has some of that. He said it's not enough. Howard said He and Robin went with the Sirius stock. He said it's up to 5.36 now. Robin said what a performer. Robin said Bill Gates is a strong number 2. Howard said He doesn't deserve it. He said He didn't do that much. He just got the operating system from IBM and released it. Robin said He came up with the idea for the personal computer. Howard said don't believe the hype. Howard said He likes Jeff Bezos. He said he's not a bad looking guy. Robin said he's not terrible. Howard said He likes Bill Gates because He donates his money. Robin said He would be richer than Jeff if He didn't give away his money. Robin said Bill changed the world because computers were big and clunky things to use. Robin said he's a good guy. Howard said Steve Jobs was a better guy than Bill Gates. Robin said Bill was the code guy. Howard said some guys you resent being rich but not Jeff Bezos. He said He loves that He can download his books to his Kindle. Robin said She misses book stores. She said people will miss that. Howard said you're not missing anything. Howard said He had the new Trump book in his hands in a minute. He said He just goes on Amazon and buys art books and things. He said it's just fabulous. Robin said they just have to figure out how to deliver food. Howard said they're doing it.
Robin read a story about the consumer electronics show going on in Las Vegas this week. Robin said they say Amazon is beating the competition when it comes to voice control technology. Robin said they are opening headquarters around the country and making people bid for it. Robin said New Jersey is offering a lot of money and tax incentives to get a headquarters there. Howard said Bezos is making the world a better place. He said he's a fan. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about how Alexa is beating the competition. Howard said He likes Google too. He said He loves Google photos. He said He can search photos and not even have to tag them. He said He can search for Robin and it recognizes her face. Howard said Fred gave the staff Amazon gift cards and that's the best gift.
Robin had more clips from CES that She had Howard play. Robin had some news about TVs and how amazing the pictures are. Robin said they have a lot of stuff at CES this year. Robin said they have a lot of voice control stuff there this year. Robin said driverless tech is also on display this year. Robin said there's an exercise bike that you don't need to go anywhere to learn on. Robin said a trainer at home is good. Howard said that's not good. He said He wants a real trainer. Robin said this is the largest show in the event's 51 year history. Robin said Intel is saying that you should look forward to something big in internet technology. They had a clip of someone saying 5G is on the way. Robin said Microsoft has new PC products there. Robin had more audio for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about Adolph Hitler's car being on sale. Robin said she's not sure why anyone would want that. Howard said they should blow it up. Robin said it's his Mercedes. Howard said people forget what Hitler was. He said He came this close to enslaving the planet. Howard said they're traitors buying that car. Howard said they should wreck it when Ronnie races Bobo. Howard said there are these assholes giving the Nazi salute and they don't know how hard our soldiers fought the Nazis. Robin said this auctioneer site has people looking at the car. Robin said it was built for and used by Hitler. Howard said He cried at the end of that Winston Churchill movie. He said that's whose car you should be driving around in. Howard said Jay Leno will end up with that car. He said he's always driving around in some wacky car. Howard did his impression of Jay talking about cars.
Robin read about James Franco being accused of sexual misconduct and He went on Stephen Colbert's show to say that these accusations aren't accurate. Robin had some audio of Franco talking about Ally Sheedy and wondering what He did wrong with her. She had a clip of Franco saying this is a good thing to be able to come out though. Robin said Ally was asking why James Franco was allowed into the Golden Globes. Robin said don't ask her why She left show business. Robin said a New York Times interview with Franco was canceled for Wednesday. Howard asked if this hurts his Oscar chances. Robin said at this point probably yes.
Robin said heavy rains in California have set off mud slides and fires. Robin said that these rains are causing flooding and people are having good and bad times. Robin said Oprah's home out there was damaged by the storms. Robin had some audio of Oprah showing the mud in her back yard. Howard said 15 deaths have been confirmed so far.
Robin read a story about how President Trump was asked if He thinks Oprah should run for President. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about how She had him on her show as one of her last guests. Trump said He doesn't think she's going to run. Howard said no one wants to run against Oprah. He said that's a no win situation. He said it's Oprah.
Robin read a story about Trump tweeting over the weekend that He is the most stable of geniuses. Robin said Ben Stiller did the tweet as his Zoolander character. Robin had a clip of him doing that.
Howard said He has President Trump on the phone. He wants to talk about Oprah. Howard picked up and the guys were playing pre-recorded Trump impersonator clips. Howard lost him in the middle of the bit. He told him to call back. Howard had him back after that. They spent a short time going through the rest of the bit.
Robin read a story about how Steve Bannon is out at Breitbart. Robin said that they're talking about what his next move might be on MSNBC. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Howard said He thinks he'll do a radio show or something. Robin said He was doing that. Howard said He might run for office or something. Howard said maybe he's moving into a residence hall.
Robin read a story about a lawmaker that's trying to bring a law into effect to make sure that every president is stable and smart. Howard said He has been saying that for years. He said that they should be evaluated by a psychiatrist. He said they should be under psychiatric care too. He said they have to be sane if they have the power to blow up the world. Robin said she's not sure that's a good idea. Howard said of course it's a good idea. Robin said Brendan Boyle has introduced the ''stable genius'' act to make sure that people are checked out. Howard asked if Steve Bannon is married. Gary said He has been married 4 times but He may not be married currently. Howard said He can't imagine he's a loving person based on what he's seen. Howard said good thing he's not married. He said a wife would be pissed about him talking to that author guy and screwing up his relationship with Trump. Robin said this congressman Boyle guy is a Howard Stern fan. Gary said He was on the Wrap Up Show not too long ago.
Robin read a story about the #MeToo movement going to Congress. Howard said He and Robin are wearing black right now. He said you can't say they're not activists. Robin said it doesn't require them to go to the streets so it's good for them.
Robin said there's going to be Kodak coin soon. Robin said they're getting into the crypto currency movement. Robin said they want to democratize photography. Robin said they want to make licensing fair for artists. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Today's show was over around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.