Howard started the show talking about how he just had his coffee so he's shot out of a cannon. He said that coffee gets him jacked up. He said he's a fan of that Dunkin Donuts coffee. He said he hasn't run out of juice like that Imus has. He had Robin say ''Good morning!'' like he was. Robin just laughed. Howard said he loves his Robin and his Freddy too. Howard said he's beating off over there.
Howard said he watched some of the Grammys last night. He said some of these women were making #MeToo speeches and he thought it would be funny if they cut to the audience and there's a guy jerking off. He said he has some clips to play. Howard said when people start lecturing then you want to hang yourself. He said he's not sure if it's inappropriate to wonder if that woman is hot or not. Howard played a clip of one of those speeches and asked if you remember when the Grammys were fun.
Howard said he's laying in bed trying to relax and this is what's on. He said most of the people who have these speeches planned have shirt buttoned down. He said this one was covered up according to Jason.
Howard said it would be so funny if they had guys in the audience just jerking off and pulling down their pants. He wondered how these people in their 20s have so much to say about something like this. He asked if it would be wrong to touch his penis during this. Robin said it would be.
Howard played more of the speech where the woman was talking about the #TimesUp thing. Howard said She forgot to say that boners are evil. He said they equal danger.
Howard said the camera would cut to him and Robin and they'd be talking. He asked what happened to people doing coke and getting jacked up before the show.
Howard made his own speech about the men and how they should come to the stage to be neutered. He said he saw that Scott Baio was getting shit from Nicole Eggert and he's all confused by that. He said he saw Steve Wynn too. Robin said he got fired from the RNC. Robin said Jeremy Piven is fighting back by taking a lie detector test. Howard did more of his #TimesUp speech voice and said that Jeremy should be castrated. He had a penis guillotine on stage to take care of that.
Robin said She sees that Elon Musk is selling flamethrowers. Howard laughed and asked why he's doing that. Robin didn't know. Howard said he was watching the E! red carpet coverage of the Grammys. He said he was really involved. He said Cardi B threw in the word Vagina gratuitously. Howard said he had just gotten a note from Fran Shea who hired them at E! years ago. Howard said she's working at the Game Show network now. He said She had some kids and she's back to work. He said he watches E! now and he gets pissed. He said he created that network. He said he has nothing to do with it now.
Howard said he was at the start of the E! network and then they handed it over to Ryan Seacrest and Juliana Rancic. He said he gets worked up over that and he's not sure why. He said he gets worked up and he's not sure why. He said he thinks he should be angry but he's not sure why. He said they must be worth something there and they should have gotten some stock or something.
Howard said Cardi B threw in the word vagina during her talk with Juliana. Howard played a clip of Cardi B mentioning She has butterflies in her stomach and vagina. Howard said Juliana acted like She had never heard that word before.
Howard said She used to be a stripper or something so maybe that's why She gets nervous in her vagina. Howard said Robin had a cucumber bush growing out of her vagina. He said She could talk about that on E!.
Howard said She just had to throw that word in there. He said Juliana somehow survived over there. He said She must have pictures of someone. He said She seems lovely but he's not sure how She lasted over there. Howard said you have to see her face when Cardi mentioned her vagina. Howard said if he was there he would have offered her a butterfly net to catch them.
Howard said he learned something new about Sal that he'll debut later. He said he doesn't want to interrupt this Grammy talk though. Howard said he doesn't get rap. He said it's like some homeless guy yelling over music. He said it's just not his thing. He said today he's going out to tape a homeless guy yelling and he bets it'll be a hit.
Howard said there was a guy named Lil Uzi on the red carpet and Juliana was trying to interview him and She said he was her favorite. Howard said he thinks he doesn't want his hard core audience thinking he's hanging out with white people or something. He said he's just making this up but he had his whole posse around him. He said Lil Uzi was giving one word answers. He said he was uncooperative. Howard said you'd think that Juliana would say something but She didn't. Howard said this is Lil Uzi on the red carpet. Howard played some audio. The guy didn't have much to say. He gave one or two word answers a lot. Howard said he's hard core from the hood. He won't answer with more than that. He played more of the interview and Uzi eventually gave more of an answer about his album and things like that. Juliana kept going with the interview and Robin wondered why.
Howard said She said it was her favorite interview of the night. Howard said he's going to do this from now on when he's on the red carpet. Howard said he's not even going to give proper conjugation. He said Lurch from the Addams family was more understandable.
Howard said he's going to be like Lurch at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction. He asked himself questions and just grunted like Lurch. Fred played some audio of Lurch groaning.
Howard said they had a long bit on the red carpet. He said IBM has a computer named Watson and they had him analyzing shit on the red carpet. Howard said they have nothing for that computer to do. Howard played some audio of some people talking about Watson there to help with the fashion trends of the year. Howard said they fucked around with Watson on the show years ago. He said it turned out they had to tell Watson what to learn. He said it didn't really do much. Howard said it doesn't make sense that it's trying to figure out fashion. Howard played more of the audio of the hosts talking about what they were using Watson for. Howard said they have to have something better for Watson to do.
Howard said he heard Watson tried to fuck Siri and he was accused of sexual harassment. He played more of the hosts talking about Watson and what it was doing there. Robin said she's no longer worried about artificial intelligence.
Howard said the awards were very serious this year. He said there were a lot of lectures. Howard said Alessia Cara was lecturing. He played a clip of her talking about winning the Grammy and then started lecturing about artists who are making music that deserve to be acknowledged. She said it's all a numbers game. Howard said that's a 21 year old. He said put up some of your money and see if you start playing the numbers game. Howard said there's plenty of opportunity to be recognized. Howard said no they don't. He said some people suck. He said they don't all deserve it.
Howard said She says everyone deserves a break. Howard said no they don't. He said they have to earn it. He said She said they have to support new artists. Robin said they do when they hear something they like. Howard said he loves that rap. Howard said get to work and maybe you'll earn it. He said not everyone deserves it.
Robin said everyone can put that stuff on tape and they'll see who buys it. Howard said that's funny, ''tape.'' Robin said record it and put it out. Howard played Robin singing ''that's What I Like'' by Bruno Mars.
Robin said She was listening to Lady Gaga's ''Edge of Glory'' and She wondered why She hasn't done that one yet. Howard said he has to get Robin to do this Patty Lupone song She did at the Grammys. He played some of her doing a song. Howard said no one could have been into that song. He said they drag her out to do that while all of these current performers are there. Howard said this song is made for Robin.
Howard said James Corden didn't get to tell any jokes. He said he came out and just introduced people. He said he wasn't doing a monologue. He said he played it close to the vest. Howard said even Chappelle came out and didn't tell any jokes. He said he didn't come on there and screw up. Robin said it was the first time in a long time that they presented the comedy award there. Robin said it reminded her of when Kinison was up for one. Howard said he didn't get why he was into that shit. Howard said he and Robin went to the Grammys with Sam. He said Sam lost. He said Sam was going to go up and say something. He said he told him not to do that. He said he told him to sit down. Robin said he made him sit there. Howard said he was trying to do the right thing. Howard said Sam was Kanye West way before Kanye was Kanye. He said he really misses Sam. He still wonders what Sam would say about things today.
Howard said the Grammys were very political too. He said Camila Cabello was lecturing about dreamers and immigrants. He said he agrees with the message but she's up there in a titty dress and she's no fun. Howard played some of her lecturing. Robin said She didn't know She had to stop an interview to adjust her breasts during a red carpet interview. Howard said he saw that. He played more of her lecturing. He asked how old She is. Fred said she's 20. Howard said at 20 he could barely talk. He said these kids have it all going on. Robin said they have money moves.
Howard said that Camila is hot. He asked if you can even say that she's hot. He asked if She should be adjusting her dress like that. He said it's hard to take someone seriously in a titty dress.
Howard said he didn't see the whole show. He said he saw the red carpet and some of the Grammys. He said he fell asleep. Robin said She saw Sting and Shaggy. Howard said Sting was saying something on the red carpet. Howard said Sting won't go with the Police but he hooked up with Shaggy. Howard said he heard he's working with Psy next. He said Shaggy and Sting made an album together apparently. Howard said Sting is an interesting guy. He said that's what he thinks they need, more Shaggy. Howard said that sting is thinking of working with Lou Vega next. Howard played some of Sting's performance with Shaggy.
Howard joked that Sting is on the road with Right Said Fred. He said that you go back and ask who no one wants to see anymore and you make an album with them. He said that's what sting is doing. He said he heard Clapton is going to do an album with the Village People. He said that's interesting.
Howard said Kesha performed and She accused someone of raping her. He said that was serious allegations. Howard said She wasn't fucking around. Howard said he didn't see this but he heard it was very serious. He said Cyndi Lauper was there too. Howard said he heard Oprah was pissed that Kesha stole her thunder. Howard played some of her performance. He said every man was hiding under their seat during this. He said this is serious shit.
Howard said even Chappelle didn't fuck around there. He said he just accepted his award. Howard said Jerry Seinfeld was the one guy who turned Kesha down when She tried to hug him a while back. Howard said maybe that was a test. Howard said Dave got up and presented the best Hip Hop award. He said Dave likes that A Tribe called Quest and he mentions them all the time. Howard said he's going to try doing that at the Hall of Fame. He said he wants to see what happens.
Howard played Dave Chappelle thanking people when he was introducing the best hip hop award. Howard said he knows all the right names to mention. He played more of Dave doing his thing. Howard said he should mention them. He said he knows what to do now. Robin said Dave was getting some heat for comments he made during the recent stand up performances he did. Robin said he kept it real and didn't mention women at all. Howard said you have to know what the fuck you're doing.
Howard said Kendrick Lamar performed. He said he was in the studio and he enjoyed that. Howard said he was scaring some white people in the audience there. He played some of his performance.
Howard said people used to shoot each other during songs like this at the MTV awards and stuff. Howard said its' like #FuckWhitey when he hears this. He said that's what he's going to say when he inducts Bon Jovi.
Howard said he took a homeless guy and put him to music. He played a clip and they had this homeless guy yelling and they put that to hip hop music. Howard said it's rough but that's what the kids want.
Howard said he was rooting for Kendrick since he did their show. Howard played some of the audio of Richard interviewing the homeless guy.
Howard said he saw the guy from the song Despacito on the red carpet. Howard asked what that even means. Robin said She has no idea. Howard said Trump had them deported. He said they took them right from the stage. Howard said Jeff Sessions came out and dragged them right off. Howard said Despacito means ''slowly.'' He wondered if that's a sex thing. Howard had Robin singing the song so he played some of that. Howard said he likes her lyrics better.
Howard said this guy Luis Fonsi is the guy who did that song. Gary said Daddy Yankee does it with him. Howard said Sting is going to hook up with Daddy Yankee. He played some audio of the performance. Howard said he felt like he was watching ''Call Me By Your Name'' while that was going on.
Howard said they had a lot of women in hot pants there. He said he wondered what was going on there.
Howard said he likes Chris Stapleton too. He said he did a performance on the Grammys and he did it with Emmylou Harris. Howard said She used to be so hot. He said She did something with her hair that didn't look so good. Howard played a song parody of Despacito that Sal did about Gary. Howard said he's never heard that one before. He said that's good.
Howard said Chris Stapleton and Emmylou did a Tom Petty song. Howard played some of that performance. He said this got to him. He said Lady Gaga knows how to belt out a tune too. He played her performance too. Howard said She can sing too like Chris. Robin said maybe they should collaborate. Howard said with Shaggy. He said Robin has a good head for that.
Howard said Bruno Mars can sure dance. Howard said he can't be very tall. Fred said he's like 5'4'' or so. Howard said he can dance. Howard said he might be shorter than Ronnie. He said Ronnie acts like he's from Mars. He said he's tweeted 9 times already this morning. Robin said he has the president's habits. Howard said it looks like early man tweeting.
Howard said he was wondering if he should show it to Beth. He said that guy was hardly Tarzan. He said he had a yacht and an ascot. Robin said in the old Tarzan they tried to tame him but not in this one. Howard said the movie just wasn't good. He said the apes who raised him were even wondering what was going on. He said he didn't say Ungawa. He said that's all he said in the old TV series. Howard said it just sucked. He said don't waste your money. Robin said She wasn't going to. Howard said fuck that. He said Margot Robbie was in it and She never had her outfit rip or anything. Robin said back in the 1930s they had Jane in barely anything. Howard said Margot must have a good agent. That led to him doing his Fake Agent voice. Howard did the agent thing for a minute talking about how he keeps Margot in clothes in that movie.
Howard said Jane was very cunty in the movie. He told Robin he watched the whole thing even though it sucked. He said he did pay for it so he's going to watch it. Howard said it was depressing.
Howard said Gary went to the Elton John press conference when he announced it. Gary said they got VR glasses and they were on stage with Elton for 5 minutes. He said he did 2 songs live. Howard asked why you need the glasses when the guy is right there. Gary said they were trying to get everyone excited. Howard said he's there though.
Howard said Elton came out and started playing on Gary's teeth. He said it was a horrible accident.
Howard asked Gary why he was there. Gary said his PR person asked him to come because it was an important thing. He said they say he may not come back to the states after the tour. Howard said he'll come back. Robin said he has houses there.
Gary said they talked about trying to get Elton in there. Howard said he was always nice when they talked to him. Robin said he was.
Howard said they sent Donnie Enos over to the Grammys to talk to people. He played a clip of that bit where their ''Donnie Enos'' character talks to people at the awards show. Donnie was asking people about the best concerts they've seen.
Howard said Donnie is there if Robin wants to talk to him. Howard had him come in. Donnie said it took him long enough to get to him. He asked if they wanted a bump. He said he's been up for 3 fucking days. He said he's really high. Howard asked him to lay off of that for a minute. He asked him some questions and Donnie was acting all angry and calling his dad names because he doesn't give him love.
Howard said Donnie did a great job and maybe he should let people talk a bit when he asks questions. He thanked Donnie for coming in and let him go a short time later.
Howard said Colbert's musical director was good on the Grammys. He said he usually annoys him on Colbert but he thought he was good at the Grammys. He said that his name is Jon Batiste. Howard said they did a performance that he thought was pretty good. Howard said he enjoyed that a lot. He said it was heartfelt and real music. Howard said he likes Gary Clarke Jr. too. He said he's very cool. He said he's not sure he'd buy his music but he's very charismatic. Howard said he liked this performance. He played some audio of that.
Howard said on Colbert there's no reason for Jon to be there. He said he played that Melodica thing and there's no reason for that. Howard said Colbert comes out and Jon is running around with that Melodica. He said it's the douchiest instrument ever. He said he's dancing around and he doesn't like the guy because of that instrument. He said a triangle would be more interesting. Howard said Jon was great there on the Grammys though. He said he wasn't playing that Melodica there. He said he was playing piano.
Howard asked Fred to find some Melodica songs. Gary said The Hooters did that song ''And We Danced'' with one. Howard said he doesn't get that. Howard said listen to how lame this is. Howard played a song with that instrument. Howard said maybe he should cut a song with one. He said this is a song that you should do when an American Indian is crying over garbage.
Howard said Jon was good last night. He said he felt better about him last night. Howard said he has a very angry Triangle player on the phone. He took the call from the guys in the back who were playing the triangle and getting pissed at Howard for what he said about them. Howard asked him to play a few songs. It was all the same thing. The guy said he was playing with his cock. Howard said Fred can do that.
Howard said he will get to some calls after this. He said he had to take a break. He said he's talked for an hour and 13 minutes already. Howard said he had more Grammy stuff but he thinks he covered it all.
Robin said they had a lot of people reading ''Fire and Fury'' there. Howard said Pink had a sign language interpreter there. Robin said deaf people love music. Howard said that's bullshit. He asked why they would have someone interpreting if they can't hear it. Robin said they love the vibration. Howard said he thought that was an interesting choice. Howard said maybe he should have one at the Hall of Fame thing. He said he could have an interpreter. Robin said don't get a real one. Howard said maybe deaf people would love a washing machine vibration too. He wondered if he told them it was music they'd love it. Robin said that might be the number 1 hit in the deaf community.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were doing a deaf person voice and said they love Robin's music and hate Benjy.
Robin said Howard didn't mention all of the people reading Fire and Fury. Howard said Hillary lost so She should just go retire. He said She thought She had a lock and She didn't bother to push to win.
Howard said one other interesting thing was when they introduced that guy ''Childish Gambino.'' Howard said that's a real guy. Howard asked how he didn't know that. Howard said he didn't know he won 5 Grammys. Robin asked if he watches every year. Howard said he can't get that out of his head. Howard said he came out and he was wondering who he was. Howard said he asked Jason who that was. Jason knew who it was. Howard asked where he's been. Howard said when he acts he's got a different name. Fred said that's Donald Glover. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said 2 or 3 years ago he went in for a physical. He said the doctor told him that when his blood tests came back his white blood cell count was a little below normal. He said he had to go online and see what that meant. He said he might go cuckoo if he did. He said he told the guy not to tell him if he had something bad. He said that he was always in the normal range before that.
Howard said he goes back and it gets lower and lower. He said the doctor told him to go to Sloan Kettering to get checked by a cancer doctor. Howard said the white blood cell counts are going lower and lower. He said they had things they could do with Chemo and things. Howard said he didn't want to go through that. He said around that time he met this Dr. Agus. He said he and Robin were kind of taken by this guy's books. Howard said Dr. Agus asked if he was tested for Mercury. He said he told him to tell him what his mercury level is. Howard said this guy is a genius. He said he wants to blow the guy. He said that he got tested for mercury and no one else had asked about it. Howard said the test comes back and the government is telling him he's eating way too much fish. He said he was eating salmon for lunch every day for lunch and dinner. He said fish are assholes. He said that's where the mercury comes from.
Howard said these fish were getting back at him for eating them. He said he was at 33 on the test. He said normal is between 0 and 7. He said the government is overwhelmed with problems but they sent him a letter about his mercury levels. Howard said he was at 33 and Dr. Agus tells him he has to cut back on the fish and eat smaller fish.
Robin said She told Howard to look at the source of his fish. Howard said Robin was into some kooky stuff. He said he can't listen to her. He said she's into enemas and Ayahuasca. He said it's hard to take her seriously.
Howard said he cuts down on fish and it starts to drop. He said he still gets a letter when he was at an 11 with the mercury. He said it's still too high. He said he cut the fish more. He said he still eats it but 2 or 3 times a week. He said there than that he's on a plant based diet.
Howard said he went to a new doctor and had his tests done and his white blood cell levels are much higher. He said that this is the point. He said he would have been in the cancer ward getting Chemo but all he had to do was cut back on fish. He said Dr. Agus knew. He said you have to look into everything. He said god bless Dr. Agus.
Howard said if you want to pay attention to that then do it. He said if not then don't. He said these fish are getting them back. Howard asked who cam blame them. He said they swim up stream and next thing you know they're being eaten.
Howard said he'll eat shrimp because they're little. Howard said Salmon is once a week now. He said he checks off a list. Robin said he keeps track of his fish. Howard said thank you to Dr. Agus for saving his life. He said it's a lesson to everyone.
Howard said he gets on to something and thinks he's doing good. Robin asked if he talked about the cucumber thing. Howard said his daughter Emily told him about this article about cucumbers. He read it and started eating them day and night. He said it was 5 powerful things they can do for you. He said he was eating them every meal. He said he went for his colonoscopy and they tell him he has cucumber seeds in his colon. He said his doctor told him he found so many seeds up there it was like a farm up there. Howard said he gets on kicks and he doesn't do the right thing.
Howard said he's going to be dead before Jeff the Drunk if he keeps this up. Howard had a song parody about Dr. Agus. He said he didn't know they had that. He said he has to take another break before getting to the phone calls. He said that was their health tip for the day. Robin said it's everything in moderation. Fred played her news music as She talked about that.
Howard asked where Robin was when She recorded that. Robin said She thinks it was in Guatemala. Howard said he can't imagine who is hearing that music and thinking it's good. Fred was playing clips of George Takei pronouncing Guatemala and other words. Howard had some fun with that for a couple of minutes before going to break.
Howard said some woman was yelling his name when he ran out of there. He said when he stopped for Sway this woman starts yelling his name. He said he has to get out of there because he has things to do. He said when he stops he gets that ''Howard!'' from people. Howard said this was just some woman who wanted to take pictures of him with her cell phone. Howard said he looked like hell so he didn't want to do it. He said this woman wanted to take the picture with him and he looked like he was Nanuk of the north. He said he feels bad about that but once you start you cant get out of it. Robin said She met a woman from Toronto yesterday and She said She was wondering if She was going to run into Howard. She ran into her instead. Howard said Robin is friendly and nice. He said she'll take a picture with you. He said he's a dick.
Howard said someone told him he had better be nice to his fans because they support you. Howard asked who cares. He said people support him because he's halfway interesting. Howard said look at Shaggy the performer. He said all of his fans abandoned him. Howard asked if Psy should be good to his fans. Howard said all of his fans abandoned him. He said he shouldn't be nice to his fans.
Howard said last time he stopped for a picture the person said they knew him from that movie ''Shape of Water.'' He was the monster in it.
Howard said there was this woman named Jen Selter who is an Instagram star. Howard said she's got a nice ass apparently and she's a star because of it. He said it says in the paper that this Jen Selter was kicked off a plane. She said She was kicked off for taking ''belfies'' which are butt selfie. Howard said it's hard to believe that you can make a living off taking pictures of your ass. Howard said Jen says She did nothing wrong. He said he kept reading and She was sitting on a flight that was delayed for more than 2 hours. He said She did nothing. He said She got out of her seat to stretch and put her jacket away and a male flight attendant told her She has to sit. Then they started bickering. Howard said She said She did nothing. He said he's never bickered with a flight attendant. Howard said he would never bicker.
Howard said he might ask if he can stretch his legs. Howard said now she's bickering after saying that She did nothing. Then she's telling the flight attendant to relax. Howard said there are so many stupid people in this world. He said She is arguing with the guy and telling him to calm down. He said She says that She could get kicked off the plane and She shot back with a ''yeah'' when She was asked if he wanted to be kicked off. He said the pilot called the police and 5 guys showed up to take her off the plane.
Howard said if She wasn't an asshole none of this would have happened. Robin said people don't know they're assholes. Howard said Selter and her sister were taken off the plane. Howard said She doesn't have any common sense. He said he doesn't know this woman but She wasn't ''doing nothing.'' He said She was being a wise guy. He said he's not the smartest person on the planet but he knows not to argue on a plane. He said this girl has 11.7 million followers on Instagram. He said she's from Roslyn Long Island. He said another passenger was also booted from the plane when he started arguing about something else.
Howard said he also noticed in the paper that Clive Davis had a party on Friday night. He said he knows someone who went and asked why he didn't go. He said he wasn't invited. Howard said the guy told him of course he's invited. Howard asked Gary if he was invited. Gary said as far as he knows no. Gary said he was invited though. He said his son invited him. Robin said Howard hasn't invited though. Howard said there's no reason he would be. He said he's no artist. Howard asked if he's ever had Clive Davis on the show. Gary said he doesn't think so.
Howard said the guy he was talking to isn't in the business. He said he just assumed he should be there. Howard said a lot of people were there. He read a list of the people who showed up to the party. He said someone said Alicia Keys was very good there. He said Luis Fonsi performed Despacito there. Robin said that's the only song he does.
Howard said Jamie Foxx is dating Katie Holmes and it was a big secret. He said now they're out and showing their love for one another. He said he'd like to know why it was a secret. He said he doesn't get that. Robin said Jamie and Tom made a movie together so maybe it was one of those things where you don't date your bro's woman. Howard said they're divorced though. Howard said maybe they're broken up now and they're not afraid to be seen together. He said it's almost kind of hot to keep it a secret. He said it's so wrong they have to keep it a secret.
Howard said he kind of did that with Beth. He said he met her in California to fly to Hawaii. He said that was kind of hot. He said then they found a Paparazzi in a tree and that was hot. He said that's kind of hot to keep a secret. He said maybe that's what Jamie was doing. Robin said this was years of hiding though. Howard said he only did it for a couple of weeks. He said Jamie Foxx and Katie are seeing each other and he's happy for them.
Robin said She was trying to see who Jamie was with and they moved too fast at the Grammys. Howard said he knows a guy who does the secret dating thing. Robin said there was someone who told her about Trent Reznor having a bunch of girlfriends. Howard said that was him. He said he had like 5 girls tell him that they were dating Trent.
Howard said Sarah lost to Dave Chappelle in the comedy category. He said so did Seinfeld and Jim Gaffigan.
The caller asked when Howard is coming to Florida to do a show. Howard said tomorrow. He said he won't have any guests down there. The caller said they can get Pitbull. Howard said yeah, that's Mr. Worldwide.
Howard took a call from Balls who asked who he thinks had the best titties at the Grammys last night. Howard said he's being very insensitive there. He said he's not sure it's appropriate to talk about that. He said the woman who had the best ones in his opinion was the one in the red dress. Howard said She lectured on immigration. He said if you look like that he'll listen. Fred asked if that was the Cuban gal. Howard said that was Camila Cabello. The caller said he liked Beyonce's. Howard said this sounds like a Harvey Weinstein type of discussion.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who asked about Jimmy Kimmel having Stormy Daniels on his show after the State of the Union tomorrow. Howard said Stormy was in touch with them about coming on but they can't talk about her sex with Trump. Gary said She can't talk about Trump at all. Howard said it might be fun to look at her but they don't have a TV show so there's no reason for that. He said they could have talked to her about her life. He asked who gives a fuck though. He said she's going to be on Jimmy's show and people can look at her at least.
Howard had some audio of Stormy Daniels talking to Inside Edition about nothing. He played the clip and Stormy wasn't answering any questions they asked her. Howard imagined what that would be like on this show. Robin said She can't believe She only got $130,000. She can't even talk about that though.
Howard had Stormy answering in sneezes and farts. Howard said he might have her on to talk about the porn career.
Jim said it seems like something to embarrass the guy. Howard said it'll be good for Jimmy's ratings. Howard said if he had her on She can't talk about Trump so you talk to her about shaving her bush and things like that. Howard said it could be interesting. He said She looks good. Jim said 95 percent of guys would bang her if they had the chance. Howard said they say that Trump fucked her without a rubber. He said Trump isn't fucking anyone without a rubber. Robin said she's not sure about that. She said just because Howard is like that doesn't mean that other guys are. Howard said when he was single he was going down on all of these women. He said he was making out with women he barely knew. He said he won't shake a hand but everything goes out the window for vagina.
Jim asked if he goes down on Beth a lot. Howard said that's very private. He asked if nothing is sacred. Jim said you'd think Howard would want to. Howard said he's still all charged up for her. He said she's too much woman for him. Jim said she's beautiful. Howard said he was with women and he wondered why he was down there licking. He said his tongue turned green from one woman. He said he was stupid. He said if he was single now he wouldn't go down on anyone. Robin said he says that but She thinks he would have the same problem.
Howard said he lectured Benjy on using a cookie wrapper on a woman he was licking. He said he should have done that. He said Benjy was just eating the cookie crumbs.
Howard said Stormy Daniels had nothing to say in this interview. Howard played more of the clip and She wasn't even saying anything to the questions. She just stayed silent. The guy kept asking her questions and Stormy didn't say much. Howard asked why She was there. He said it's crazy. Robin said it's some kind of weird game.
Howard asked if that's it for Jim. Jim said he wanted to hear Howard rap to Imus and he wondered if he would do that before he checks out. Howard said he will do it. He said they talked about that last week. He asked why he had to bring that up. Howard hung up on Jim and Fred played some banjo music. Howard said he bets Jim has no friends. Fred said he's going to be mad again. Fred said that's the guy who called in last week. Howard said he didn't even know that was the same guy. He said as far as he's concerned he was a first time caller.
Howard asked if he needs to break. Fred said he does. Howard said he has things to get to but he'll get to them all in good time. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he thought Fred was playing the Bon Jovi version. He said he likes that he's playing this one. He said Joe Cocker went out on tour and put so much money into it he came back bankrupt. He said that he had all kinds of things happening in the show an he went bankrupt from it. Robin said that's not how you're supposed to run a tour. Howard asked if he's still around. Fred said he thinks he's gone. Howard said Joe had a Linda Ronstadt kind of career. He said he interpreted songs. He didn't have any of his own. Howard said he died in 2014.
Howard said he was reading about Governor Jerry Brown of California. He said he did a good job out there. He said he inhered like a 26 billion deficit and now it's a few billion surplus. Howard said he was going to do all kinds of things but shit's expensive out there. He said he always dug that guy. He said he had a hard on to be president but he was too liberal. He said when he was young he used to fuck Linda Ronstadt. He said he's a good man. He said he's an old man now. He said they have a photo of him in the Times and they don't have great photos in there. He said it's hard to see. He said Jerry is an old man now. He said he's married to a woman and he wasn't able to tell if She was Asian or not. Robin asked why it matters. Howard said it just does. He said he just wants to know.
Howard said it's interesting to him that all of the Kardashians are with black dudes. Robin said the youngest one isn't. Howard said She probably will be. He said he likes to see who people are with. Robin said she's looking at Jerry Brown's wife and she's a regular old white woman. Howard said he couldn't tell in the NY Times. He said he was kind of curious. He said he was with Linda when She was a young woman. He said that was wild.
Howard said he was kind of jealous. He said Jerry is leaving office and they say he did a good job. Howard said you have to prove yourself to be President and serve in office. Howard said it's different than the private sector. Howard said Mayor de Blasio is with a black woman and She used to be a lesbian. Howard said he turned her straight. Robin said she's not sure what he did but She turned straight. Howard said he should have him in there to talk about that.
Howard said nevermind the gay conversion therapy. He said just talk to de Blasio about what he did. Howard said he's interested in reading about people like that. He said he wants to know more.
Howard said he loves interracial relationships. He said it makes him feel good about the world. He said he liked when Captain Kirk was with that black woman. Robin said they just kissed. Howard said that's what they say.
Howard was doing his Soupy impression and he said some guy on TV did the impression. He said this was on TV in Atlanta on ABC. He said he's the traffic guy, Mark Aron, and he threw in the Soupy impression. Howard played the clip and Mark was doing the ''I don't like'' impression. Howard said he was dead on and he sounded like Soupy. Howard played the clip of Soupy saying he doesn't like a talking clock. Howard said Mark had the right soupy sound.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this Chachi thing got him nervous. He asked how far back this stuff goes. Howard said Scott Baio is accused by Nicole Eggert of doing something to her when She was just 14. He said Scott was like 24 at the time . They were on ''Charles in Charge'' at the time. Howard said Scott is saying that She has praised him as a good friend in interviews so he's wondering what's going on there. Howard said he was Charles in Charge of Pussy apparently.
The caller said they were in a relationship. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he didn't give a shit about that show. He said he doesn't know either of them. The caller said it seems like the knife comes out and then it goes back in 30 years later. The caller said it's been nice being single for the past year. Howard said he gets lonely when he's single. The caller said he likes it. Robin said Howard would be back to licking women if he was single. Howard said he'll do anything.
Howard took a call from Chad in St. Louis who says ''Hello sweet love'' like he's been doing lately. Howard said he told Beth about how he does that. He said he calls Beth Sweet Love. He said that he's okay when it comes to romance. Chad asked if he thinks that's a huge romantic thing. Howard said he does. He said he's been with his wife for 18 years or so and no guy is doing that after 18 years. He said they might say it to them angrily as they push them off the side of a boat. Robin said he has learned to love.
Howard asked how romantic he is. Robin said his love has grown. Howard said he told Beth that. He said he's not even sure where that sweet love thing came from. Robin said maybe it came from a song. Howard asked if Robin ever had a name like that. Robin said no. Howard asked Fred if he has any. Fred said he calls her sweetheart. Howard said maybe Sweet Taint. Fred said he'll try that today.
Chad asked if Twitter is the appropriate place to call someone out for their sexual behavior. Howard said sure. He asked where else you have a forum. Howard said women have been so victimized around the world. He said this country is bad but read about Saudi Arabia crowing about letting women drive. He said here women are 51 percent of the population and they won't put up with this this anymore. Howard said here will be women who complain about having a bad date but that doesn't mean there's not a problem.
Robin said She heard a story about a woman who had some issues with a boy at school and 4 other girls did too. Robin said the school is trying to cover it up. Robin said you have to take care of the girls in question.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said Robin needs a guy like him. Robin said ''Oh yeah... that's what I missed.'' King said she's too smart. Howard said there is no putting Robin in check. King said that's what he came to her house for. Robin said he was at her door one day. Howard said She should have called the police. King said he found out where Robin lived because his wife was working at the supermarket around the corner from where She lived. Howard said it's creepy to do that. He said leave Robin alone. King said he comes from money so it's not creepy.
King said when he sees interracial couples he can't get over it. He said he wonders ''why are they doing that?'' Howard said they do it because they fell in love. King said it's a hard life. Robin said yeah, because of people like you. Howard said you hope that people can evolve. He said he likes to see interracial couples.
Gary asked why King is looking for money on GoFundMe if he has money. King said that was something for radio they were doing. Howard said he should buy his own coat. King said that the premise of the bit was that he can buy it himself but people donated to him because they appreciated his intellect on the airwaves. Howard said thanks and ''bye'' and said that's enough. King said wait. Howard asked what's up with him and ''wait.'' King asked if Gary's wife is proud of being with him. Howard hung up on him. Howard said of course She is.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn and he said that some guys said they beat off to her Tissue Time segments last week. Mariann said that the Sweet Love thing was in Us Magazine about him and the cats. Mariann was going on about Beth doing the Kitten Bowl on Sunday and other things this week. Mariann said She has to be following like 600 of her cats too. Fred played her off with some music.
Howard read some email he got about guys jerking off to Mariann's tissue time bits last week. He took a call from one of the guys in the back who was jerking off to her right then. Howard said Mariann said his wife is on Rachel Ray on Tuesday and Harry Connick Jr. on Wednesday. Robin asked if he's there in New York. Howard said he is.
Howard did his mother's voice and talked about how She was asking about how Beth is doing. He did that impression a little bit but Gary interrupted and said that he had the dates wrong for Rachel Ray and Harry. Howard said he said them right. Gary said he said them wrong.
Howard did more of his mother's impression and talked about how She thinks she's the hero in every conversation. He said She talked about how She kept him from letting a cat in the room when they had a baby. He said that the cat was fine. He said She didn't stop him from letting the cat in the room.
Howard said he told his mother that Beth was going to be on TV because She gets angry if he doesn't tell her. He said he tells her and She asks when he found out. He said he tells her he's just telling her now. Howard did his dad's voice in this conversation too.
Howard said he told his mother about what channels to look for and all of that. He said everything is a struggle when you get to that age. He said they don't know how to get to channel 5. He said She thinks he's annoyed at her and he yells ''No!''
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said he has to ban King of All Blacks from the show. He said you don't go to someone's house like that. He said it's kind of creepy. He said he had to drive a while to get there. Robin said this was years ago and he didn't have to drive that far. Howard said that Bobo showed up to the hospital when he had his first child. Howard said Bobo is bad too.
Howard had Bobo on the phone. Bobo said that wasn't as creepy as showing up to Robin's house. Ralph said he has to agree with him on that. He said they're both bad. Howard said maybe he should ban Bobo for that. Ralph said it's a public place so it's creepy but not that bad. Bobo said he was there with Dominic. Howard said he doesn't approve of that. He asked if it's any different than the buses go by the star houses.
Gary said he heard that Bobo drove to the president of Slomin's house to complain about something. Bobo said he did. He said that they came to his house 50 times and didn't get it straight. Ralph said he's kind of liking Bobo now.
Bobo said he moved to Orlando and he can get the signal now for Sirius. He said he moved himself there. Howard asked if he wasn't able to listen on the internet. Bobo said they did something with the satellite. Howard said you can get it on the computer. Bobo said he knows but he wasn't getting a good signal. Ralph said you can get it on the app. Bobo said he was doing that. Howard asked if he moved to get Sirius. Bobo said he moved into a gated community. Howard said he sees why. He said he's the guy who invades people's privacy but he's in a gated community. Bobo said he has all of his amenities there.
Howard said he loves Bobo when he sniffs. He said he's like Barney Fife on the Andy Griffith show. He said that Bobo does that too. He did an impression of Bobo doing the sniffing thing.
Bobo said he didn't realize he was doing it. Howard said it's when he's proud of something. He said that's when he's talking about his awards and stuff. Fred did his impression of Bobo doing that.
Shuli came in and said that Bobo posted a picture of himself and he was wearing a 9/11 jacket and it kind of insinuates he was there. Howard said he has medals on it and everything. Bobo said that was for his work. He said he as exhausted moving that day. Howard said he sees what Shuli means now. He said he has patches and stuff on it and you think he has a connection to 9/11. Bobo said he got the patches from people at he MTA. Howard told Shuli to post that on HowardStern.com. Bobo said he caught so much shit for that.
Gary reminded Howard that Bobo claimed he lost someone on 9/11 but it was on 9/12 and it wasn't connected to 9/11. Bobo said it was indirectly connected. Gary said he claims it was the stress of 9/11 that caused his brother's heart attack. Bobo said there's more to it than that.
Shuli said Bobo's toupee glue is causing him to get a rash on his head. Howard said he has to get rid of that toupee. Bobo said he's on the fence about it. He said he asks his son if he should do it or not. Bobo said his son tells him he'll look old. Howard said he is old, so what. He told him to get rid of that thing. Bobo said his wife is after him to shave his head. Howard said it's funny that his wife is a hair dresser and he has the worst wig in the world. Howard asked if She tells him it's bad. Bobo said he tried to fool her on the first date.
Howard said he has to go. Shuli said Bobo has that giant 9/11 pin on his jacket. Howard said it's funny that Bobo's wife put her hand through his hair on the first date. Bobo said She said it was like sandpaper.
Shuli said Bobo used to fuck women in the woods. Bobo said he did. He said he used to fuck chicks near the cemetery. He said it was on Sweet Hollow Road. He said it's a known fact.
Howard asked what Robin would do if a guy drove her to a cemetery to fuck her. Robin laughed. Bobo said you have to do things to spice it up (sniff). Howard and the guys were doing impressions of Bobo talking about that and sniffing. They were making fun of his speech impediment.
Ralph said that Jason does the sniff thing too. Howard said it's very Barney Fife.
Howard said he got a lot of email about Ronnie using ''Privy'' the wrong way last week. He had a clip the guys edited together with him using ''privy.'' Howard let Ralph go and went to break after that.
Howard said he was going to play a phony phone call but maybe he should save it for tomorrow. Howard said they made a call to a new age kind of woman who has a dude named ''Mother'' on the show and it's a guy who grunts. He said they called in to say that they work with Grandmother and he grunts too. Howard said this woman hosts a 6 hour long show. He said they have Grandmother on their show. Howard said it was battle of the mothers.
Howard said the mother is named Tara and She speaks to Mother. He asked where they hear this stuff. He said they do it for 6 hours. He played the call after that. They called in with the Grandmother thing. The host said there are quite a few people who channel Mother on this planet. They had the two meet on the air. The Grandmother and Mother were going band and forth grunting and talking to each other. They eventually put Great, Great Grandmother on the line. The host says they have to go and hangs up on them.
Howard said that the sounds for Great, Great grandmother was Gary's phlegm and Will the Farter's farts. Howard said they threw in Beetlejuice throwing up too. Howard said Grandmother is there actually. He had him come in and spent a minute talking to him while he grunted and made weird sounds. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he caught Maria Menounos on the Royal Rumble last night. Howard said he didn't. He said for someone who had a brain tumor not too long ago She looks amazing. Howard said She sat in for Kelly Ripa recently and She looked really good. Howard wondered how She has hair if She had a brain tumor. Robin said they don't shave your whole head. Howard said they must have just shaved a small part. He said they probably shaved a patch and She just puts a yarmulke hair piece over it. Robin said he probably just covers it with her hair. Howard said She should show it. He said that would look cool. He said She should show off the piece of brain they took out. He said he likes Maria a lot. He said he can't believe She married Kevin. He said he can't believe She didn't fuck around on Kevin. Robin said She must have been hit on constantly. Howard said Kevin must have a big cock or a lot of coke or something. He said She could have fucked a lot of A-list celebrities. Howard said some guy would have married her. Robin said Kevin has staying power. Howard said Kevin is a nice guy but he can't believe how long they've been together.
Howard said Maria has stayed in good shape too. He said She was wearing a belly shirt. He said that brain tumor didn't cause her to skip a beat at the gym. He said he admires that. Howard wondered how they opened up her head and She has hair and that flat belly. He said he heard She started laughing after the operation and they though something was wrong. Fred played her laughs as he was talking about that. Howard said she's like goat girl. He said the good news is She lived but the bad news is She has the personality of a dolphin. Fred played dolphin sounds and her laugh.
Howard said She looks amazing after going through something like that. He said they normally shave your head. Howard said She told the doctor She wanted to get Married on TV by Steve Harvey and the doctor thought they removed the part of her brain that actively thinks. Howard said She did that and she's part dolphin.
Howard said he has to go do the news. He let the caller go. Howard wondered if the doctor got her naked during the operation. Robin said She doubts that you can keep anything on. Howard said he likes Maria. He said She was good with Ryan Seacrest. Robin asked if they came out holding hands. Howard said he doesn't think so but he's to sure. Robin said Kelly and Ryan still do that when they walk out. Howard said good for them. He said Robin never holds his hand. Robin said he never took it. Howard said that's kind of weird. He said Kelly is married. He said he's sure they're not holding hands off camera. Robin said she's not sure what's going on behind the scenes.
Robin started off with a story about Roger Federer who won his 20th grand slam title yesterday. Robin said he's 36 years old. Robin said he may be the best tennis player of all time. Howard said he doesn't watch tennis now. He said he used to. Howard said he watched John McEnroe and Pete Sampras and that other guy. Robin said Jimmy Connors.
Howard took a call from sour Shoes who was doing a Maria Menounos impression and singing a song as Maria. Howard said that's a new impression from Sour Shoes.
Robin had Howard play a song and asked him if he likes it. Howard said that wasn't sad to him. Robin said She thought he liked sad songs. Howard said maybe he didn't hear enough of it. Robin said that was from the cast album of Waitress. Howard said musical's are the worst. Robin had him play anther song. Howard said this blows too. Robin said this was a hit record. Robin said this woman writes hits. Howard said he's not feeling anything. Robin said they are good songs. Robin said She wrote a Broadway show and it's really good. Robin said they're written by Sara Bareilles. Howard said these songs don't go anywhere. He said they're always about nonsense. Howard asked what they're even about. Robin said she's talking about losing herself in her marriage. Howard had Fred play some music and made up his own awful musical song. That didn't last long though.
Robin read about the parents out in California who are accused of torturing their 13 children. Robin said a psychologist was asked about what this and gave his thoughts on what they might have been thinking when they shackled their kids up. Robin said they asked the doctor about the Disneyland trips and the doctor said those may have been used to distract concerned family members. Howard said none of the kids knew how to use a toothbrush. He said it's like 13 Richard Christy's. He did his Richard impression talking about not knowing how to brush his teeth. Howard wondered if any of the kids have baked their own doody in an oven like Richard.
Robin read a story about Hitler's tax return document going up for sale. Robin said that no one seems to know what happened with Hitler's car that was auctioned off. Robin said that they expect this tax form to go for at least $125,000.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Private Parts is playing in Manhattan this week. Howard said he didn't know that. The caller said it's in a theater called Quad Cinema. He said it's 8.50. He said maybe because Alison Janney is in it and she's getting the Oscar buzz. Howard said enjoy the movie. Howard said he should be getting a big fat residual check from that. JD said they're playing it in a series of movies about people who played themselves in movies. JD said there's Alice's Restaurant, The Player, Queens of Desire and others. Howard and Fred made fun of JD's mumbling after that. Howard said he should have gotten an Oscar for that movie. He said he should have been nominated at least.
Howard had the chained up kids on the phone. He took the call and the 13 kids all speak in a monotone and in unison. They said they have 12 teeth between them. They asked a few questions and all spoke in unison. They asked what music is. Howard played them Robin singing and they yelled and hung up. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Caitlyn Jenner possibly being on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said she's going to dance with a very tall guy because she's very tall. He said he heard it won't happen. Robin said they're still trying to get her on the show. She said they're going to have athletes on the show this season. Howard said he would pay to see that. He said She should do it.
Robin read a story about the Grammy Awards and the winners. Robin said the big winner was Bruno Mars with album of the year. Robin had some clips for Howard to play. Robin read about how Carrie Fisher won for best spoken word album.
Howard said he has Caitlyn Jenner on the phone. He picked up and had fake Catilyn on the line. Fake Caitlyn said he's pissing her off right now and white males are done. She said time's up. She said that Bruce used to harass her with his penis making her rub it until he climaxed. Howard spent a little time with the Caitlyn clips. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a guy who is the father of medical marijuana. Robin said his name is Dennis Perrin. He died of lung cancer. Robin said he began distributing it in 1991 and spent time in jail many times for selling marijuana. Robin said he fought for the right to sell legal marijuana in California.
Robin read a story about the President giving his first State of the Union address tomorrow. Robin said he's going to talk about how America is back and ready for business. Robin had a clip of a guy talking about what he thinks Trump will be talking about. Howard said he wants him to talk about Jay Z and his feud with him. Robin had some news about that feud. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Jay Z was calling Donald Trump a super bug in an analogy he used to compare him to cockroaches.
Robin said Trump also wants to talk about a spending bill that will fund the Military. Robin had Howard play a clip of a guy talking about that. Robin said the border wall will also be something he wants to talk about. Robin said it's going to cost $25 billion. Robin had some audio of Lindsay Graham talking about how they don't need a wall that costs that much. Howard said he loved George Washington because he gave the shortest speech about the State of the Union. He said it was 10 minutes. Howard said Trump should clock in at 2 minutes. Robin said Trump is looking to set a record with his speech. Howard said Bill Clinton gave the longest ever. He was an hour and 28 minutes. He said don't bore us, get to the chorus.
Robin read a story about President Trump revealing he is not a feminist. Robin said he was talking to a British reporter about that. Robin said he said he's for men, women and everyone equally. Robin said he was also talking about his tweeting with that outlet. Robin said he says he tweets in bed and at breakfast or later in the evening. Robin said he says he needs it to defend himself against false or fake news stories.
Robin said Omarosa is going back to reality TV by going on Celebrity Big Brother. Howard said good, that's where She belongs. He said imagine She was in the White House. Robin said the season premieres on February 7th. Howard said JD loves the show but he may boycott the season because of Omarosa. JD said he can't stand her. Howard said that's her role thoguh. JD said they could get so many people. He said she's an attention whore and he's tired of it. Howard played a song parody to the tune of the Sanford and Son theme.
Robin read a story about Larry Nasser who was the doctor in charge of the U.S. gymnastics team who was accused of molesting some girls. Robin said they had 150 people testify against him and he got 40-175 years in prison. Robin said he is 52 years old. Robin said the judge said She was handing him a life sentence and just signed his death warrant.
Howard said he doesn't mind Omarosa on TV but he does mind her running government. Robin said Oprah came out and said She doesn't have the DNA to be president. Howard said he has respect for her now. He said it's enough of these people like The Rock trying to be president.
Robin read about how Steve Wynn paid someone off to keep them quiet after She claims he forced her to have sex with him. Howard said that guy looks like Bobo after a car wreck. He asked if he's out of his business. Robin said he's out of the Republican National Committee. Howard asked if he's going to be on Celebrity Big Brother. He said he'd watch that. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about the Grammys and the hip hop guys like DJ Khaled who were up singing with Rihanna don't really sing. He said they just stand there and yell out ''Grammys!'' He said if he did that in this opening song it wouldn't be good. Robin asked what he's railing against. Howard said he has to do a 4 hour show. Howard said Rihanna is singing and dancing and this guy is yelling over it. He said he watched it last night. He said he was doing one thing and they were doing another. He said he was interrupting a good song. Robin said he was pretty funny. Howard said imagine if Rihanna was singing a big hit like Umbrella and he just starts yelling out ''Howard Stern in the house!'' He said it was like two different performances were going on. He said it's like Richard Simmons exercise class was going on during ''Umbrella.''
Howard said if Rob was doing his song and he started interrupting he'd be pissed. Robin said Rihanna had to thank him for that after the song too. Robin said it's that whole thing of ''featuring'' people in songs.
Howard asked JD if he has that performance. Fred had it to play immediately. Howard went through the clip and told everyone what was going on during the song. He said it's fascinating. He said Rihanna is like an agent singing and this guy is back there yelling over her song. He said She does this video where she's really sexy and this guy is yelling ''Sing it!'' He said he's doing a commercial for himself during the song. He's yelling out his own name.
Howard played more of the clip and laughed whenever Khaled yelled something. He said people are just yelling stuff over the song. Howard said this other guy can sing too. He said this Khaled destroyed the song for him. He said he should have done the Tarzan yell during the song. Fred played a clip of the Tarzan yell.
Howard said it's an interesting thing with what's going on with music. He said if he's that dude he's going to do his own thing. He said he sees him on all the shows. He said he'd DJ Khaled. He saw him on the red carpet talking about how blessed he is. Robin said he is because he's just yelling over songs.
Howard said he thinks he can do what he was doing. Robin said of course he could. Howard said maybe he's wrong. He said he thinks Robin could even do it.
Howard said whatever. He said he's not sure what's happening. Robin said it's getting to be more.
Howard said it has to be weird to have Bobo evaluating him but it will be funny. He said he's paying the bill for the car so it's his car. He said Ronnie has to let him in there.
The caller asked if Ronnie drives him every morning. Howard said he does when he's working. He was with him all yesterday. He said they pulled over and he has a radio that doesn't work right. He said Ronnie wasn't able to get it to work right. He said he put a radio in that has SiriusXM but it's not made by them. He said it's waterproof and made for boats. He said it has rubber things around it so it can't get wet. He said it's the biggest piece of shit radio. He said he has to listen to it back there to see what's going on with the show. He said he's cursed with this guy. He said they get this radio and he's in there with his wife and it keeps flashing commercials. He tried to turn it off but it won't turn off. He said he gets it turned off and then it turns itself back on. He said this fucking car. Howard said he gets it off again and it keeps coming back on. It's haunted. He said he was going to jump out the window because of that.
Howard said the commercials keep flashing up and it's maddening. He said he wrote Ronnie a long email about how bad the radio is. He said Ronnie tells him it worked fine. He said there was no way it worked so he had him turn it on and off. Howard said he can't just leave it on. Ronnie said he wanted to leave it on. Howard said he wanted to take that car and throw it out the window.
Howard said he's in the back with Ronnie and he turns it off. He said he was able to turn it on but not turn it off. He said then it was on and they can't turn it off. He said he asked why he has a boat radio in the car. Robin asked if he had an answer for it. Howard said no. He said it's just in case they go under water. He said that way they'll be fine.
Howard said he has a boat radio. He just wants a radio he can turn on and off. He said Robin would be so tickled by this radio. He said he's in a struggle with this radio. He said he had to press so hard his thumb was breaking. He said then it pops on by itself.
Howard said he asked Ronnie why he has a radio like that. He said it's because it's small. He said he could have put it in somewhere else. He said he'd say the name of the company but he's not sure if he should.
Gary said Ronnie is out there yelling about stuff. Ronnie said he can't put a different radio in that spot where he wants it. Howard asked why that's his problem. He said maybe they should have left a bigger space. He said he can't even look out the window in this car.
Howard said he could have left space for a bigger radio. Ronnie said they can't put it in that spot. Robin asked if he's ever heard of a remote. Ronnie said there She goes.
Howard said Ronnie told him not to turn it off. He said he doesn't want it on all the time though. Howard said he can't even tell you he can't see out the window. He said he's keeping his mouth shut. Ronnie said the windows are dark. Howard said the door is in the wrong place. Ronnie said the door isn't in the wrong place. He said he's not getting into it.
Howard said the radio is a marine radio. He said he has to be trained as a Navy SEAL to use it. Ronnie said if he would have moved the door he still would have been in the same place. Howard said he has to get up and pull the handle to get out. He said he has to crawl to the door. Howard said take Robin down there right now and see if She can open the door or turn on the radio.
Ronnie said even if he had moved the door he would have problems. He said the handle would be in the same place. He said he doesn't have to crawl on his knees. Howard said he does. He said it's his fault though. Howard said he wishes he could make a human sacrifice with Ronnie. He said he has 2 more years of this shit and he's out. Robin and Ronnie said it's 3 more years.
The caller asked if Ronnie is driving him in his retirement. Howard said no but then said probably.
Howard said he saw a picture of Ronnie's bedroom and it looks like a Pocono getaway. He said someone shared a picture. Ronnie said it's a closet with a mirror on it. Howard said it's pink and electric blue with pillows. He said that there are NASCAR pillows on the bed. Ronnie said they're throw pillows. Howard said it looks like a sex den. He sake if he can see himself in that mirror. Ronnie said no.
Howard asked if he can just get a simple radio. Ronnie said they don't make something like that now. He said everything is computerized.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked why he can't get a car with a radio that works. Howard said he's in the radio business and you'd think he could have a working radio. Ralph told Ronnie to just get a radio that works. He said put a master switch in it. He said put a switch on the side or something. He asked why Howard has to give him the answer. Ronnie said sure, a master switch. Robin said he could have a control panel in the back and let him have the radio somewhere else.
Howard said Ronnie hates Ralph because he always has a better way to go. Ralph said Ronnie seems to find a lot of traffic. Howard said he should make Ralph is first mate. Fred did his Ronnie voice and said he's Gilligan Ralph.
Ralph said when he has Bobo evaluate him he can evaluate his navigation. Howard said that won't work. Ralph said his head would explode from that.
Howard took a call from a guy claiming to be P. Diddy's limo driver. He said they have a small screen Sirius radio and it's touch screen. He said it's called the Commander. Howard asked why he knows about this and Ronnie doesn't. Howard said it's touch screen. Ronnie said they had that in the other car and he didn't like it. Howard said he just needs the radio to work. The caller said he can look it up and see it. Howard said leave his private number so he can talk to him later.
Gary said that this radio is $100. Howard asked how Puffy is doing. The driver said he's doing great. Howard said he hasn't seen him in a while. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said this radio is 100 bucks. He showed it to Ronnie. Ronnie wasn't talking. Howard wondered if his car has heat. Ralph was laughing. Fred was playing a ship horn. Howard said the first day they had the car they cracked a bottle of champagne over it.
Howard said they got a boat radio for the car. Robin said he's on dry land and his radio is encased.
Howard and Fred were doing impressions of Ronnie and saying that he should be dressed as a captain when he drives. They were playing boat horns and goofing on him about the marine radio. Ralph was cracking up.
Howard said Jeff the drunk says he has a solution. He took his call and Jeff said fire Ronnie. Ronnie said he thought he was off the show. Howard said he was. Jeff said he knows he's not off the show. Howard asked what he can do for him. Jeff asked what tree he got for Robin. Howard said that was from 10 days ago. Jeff said he never said what kind of tree it was. Ralph said way to bring the show to a halt. Jeff said he wanted to know. Ronnie said he's off the show now. Howard said he's right. He hung up on Jeff.
Gary said that Shuli told him that the playmate Jeff talked about still hasn't gotten back to him. Howard said Jeff thinks he's getting action from a chick because these girls friend him on Twitter. He said then it turns out it could be a dude and Jeff starts crying. He said he thinks that they send him a picture so they're real girls. Howard said he tells him he could be jerking off to men and he starts yelling and quits the show. Howard said he's not goofing on him, he's just telling him what's going on.
Howard said he told Jeff he's jerking off to guys and he thinks he's goofing on him. He said he's just telling him what he's doing. Ralph said he should just go with it anyway.
Howard said he wishes he could go down and make a video of them trying to work this radio. He said it would go viral. He said he didn't know this radio was made for boats. Robin asked if he had to open a flap. Howard said there is no flap but the radio is encased in rubber. He said there is no ''on'' button. He said it says ''source.'' Howard said the other day they sustained some giant waves and the radio didn't break. Robin was cracking up.
Howard and Fred were still playing with the horn sounds and making it sound like a ship. Howard said maybe the guy who installed the radio in the car thought it was a boat.
Howard said his theme song is coming on. It was the theme from ''Titanic.'' Everyone was throwing out comments about boats.
Howard asked Ronnie to adjust the rudder since the radio isn't working. Fred said he's busy burying treasure.
Howard said his car is sinking. He said Robin has to go hang on outside. Robin asked if there is a life boat or anything. Ronnie said not for Robin. He said She just has to hang on. Howard said he's going to make Ronnie walk the plank. He asked him to move up to 40 knots. Ronnie said he can do plenty of knots.
Howard said he has a boat radio. He said he has a man overboard. Ronnie said he's getting out of this boat. Howard said that was funny. Ronnie said ''to you.'' Fred played the ship horn again.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his 10 year old son has a remote in the back of his car to control the whole entertainment thing and the doors. Howard said he doesn't have all of that. He said he just has a boat radio. The caller said he's not sure wheat he paid for that car but he has 1962 technology.
Ralph asked why he doesn't have a remote. Howard said he just wants to have the controls. Ralph said that would be another level of problems. He said that would be a level 2 problem.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who Ronnie said he can't stand. Ronnie said he's a materialistic asshole. He said he can't stomach this guy. King asked if it's because he's black. Ronnie said exactly. He said he just brags about all the shit he has because of his father's money. Ronnie said he just talks about all of this stuff and makes fun of people for what they have. Howard said he's on Ronnie's side. He said they're going to make him walk the plank out of his car.
Howard asked Ronnie if he hates King or Wolfie more. Ronnie said he hates King more. He said he used to hate Jeff the Drunk more but now it's King.
King said he wants to talk to punk ass Ralph. He said he told him to stop stalking Robin. Howard said that's wrong to do that. Ralph asked how long he had to drive there. King said he was driving a convertible Saab. Ralph said you don't go to someone's house like that. He said it's creepy. King said he wasn't creepy. He said he had on a scarf around his neck and they weren't looking at him. Ralph said he's a jerk off. He said he's a garbage man.
Howard said he has a question for King. He said he was thinking about him and his radio show. He said his name is Shampoo on this show. King said that's been a nickname of his since he was 17. He said he had a girl calling him that at 17. Howard said that's not a cool name. King said everyone knows him as that on that side of the fence. Ronnie asked what the hell he's talking about. King said he's on a radio show. Howard said he's on the internet.
Gary said he was talking about that Chinchilla jacket yesterday and it was only up to $85. King said it's almost up to 1500 so that's not true. Howard asked how much money he put into that show. King said not a dime. He said he's an Executive Producer and he is the host. He said he didn't put up any money. King said that someone else put up money and he got it back and they moved on. King said there are white people involved so that means it's going somewhere. Ronnie said he's a sick bastard.
Ronnie asked why he talks to him. Howard said he likes King. He said Ronnie annoys him so he annoys Ronnie with King. King said he gets so angry at him for inheriting money. Ronnie said all he does is talk about what he has being better than everyone else's. King said that's the way he grew up. Ronnie said he grew up a spoiled brat. King said he wasn't spoiled.
Howard said on King's radio show everyone broadcasts from a different phone line. King said they have 60,000 views. He said he didn't have to move. He was sitting in his basement in his underwear. He said it sounds excellent too.
Howard said someone sent in a song about King of All Blacks. He played the song which was to the tune of The Beatles Dear Prudence.
Howard said he can go do this stuff on his own show for his 60,000. He let King and Ralph go after that. Howard let Ralph do his Eric the Actor ''Bye for now'' before he hung up.
Howard said when he wants to get rid of King he says Time's up. He said he's not really a fan of King's but it does annoy Ronnie said he has him on. Ronnie said he has him on the show even when he's not in there. Howard told him if he had his own show he'd get it.
Howard said he wants to talk to Ronnie about his bedroom. Ronnie asked who is taking pictures of his bedroom. Howard said his fiancee is doing it. Howard said someone gave it to him. Ronnie asked why it's on social media. Howard said he doesn't know why. Jason said that Stephanie posted it on Instagram. Jason said he follows her and She posted it. Ronnie asked why She posted it. Jason said there are stuffed animals on the bed so he shared it with the guys there. Jason said there are lots of mirrors there. Howard said he must be able to see himself fucking. Ronnie said he can't see that. He said he's not looking in the mirrors when he's fucking.
Howard asked when he's getting married. Ronnie said that's up to her. He said leave him alone. Robin asked if he has a step stool next to the bed so he can get on the bed. Ronnie said that's why it's there.
Howard said he can see the car pillows on the bed too. He said Ronnie loves cars. He said he has a little love palace there. Howard said it's pink. Ronnie said it's not pink. Robin said it's a cream color and there's a red rug or something. Ronnie said the floors are wood. He said there's no red. Howard said there's a lot of red there. Ronnie said it's orange-like. He said there's no red. He asked what floor she's seeing. Robin told him to calm down.
Howard said there is carpet on the floor and it's orange. Ronnie said it has to be the light hitting the wood. Howard said the walls are pink. Ronnie said they're not pink. Howard asked if he's crazy. Ronnie said it's not pink. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there.
Howard asked if Stephanie sets a date is he going to show up. Ronnie said not now. Gary said if you look in the picture you can see a watch tree or something. Ronnie said it's an earring tree. He said it's not watches. Howard asked what else there is in there. Gary said there are 6 stuffed animals on the bed and 2 of them are cars. Howard said he saw that. Howard asked what else they have. Howard said Ronnie loves cars. He asked if he bought those pillows. Ronnie said he bought them on the NASCAR store online. He said they were downstairs originally.
Howard said Ronnie is going berserk over this. Ronnie said Howard would be pissed too. He said he's be out of his mind if Beth posted pictures of his bedroom. Howard said he would be but he wouldn't kill her over it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's really this angry or is it shtick. Howard said it's real. He said he should be on medication for that anger. Ronnie said he's angry because who puts up pictures of your bedroom. He said Stephanie is an idiot right now. The caller said his little kid has car pillows. Ronnie said he still has them and he had them as a kid.
Howard asked if the dragon thing is gone from his front yard. Ronnie said it's down. He said it was a Christmas thing. Howard said his anger is bad. Ronnie asked what he's talking about. Howard said he grunted at him. Ronnie said he asked if it was snowing this morning. He said it was snowing when he came out. Howard said he was asking if he was still snowing. He said Ronnie is a weirdo.
Howard said Ronnie has Tweeted 4 times already this morning. He said he tweeted out a gif of a woman's ass bouncing. Ronnie said that's better than posting a picture of his bedroom.
Howard took a call from Eugene from Kentucky. Eugene said he wanted to ask if he's going to Daytona. Ronnie said he will be there. Eugene said he was wondering if he can hook up with him down there. Ronnie said he'll be there Thursday morning. He said he'll be around. Howard asked how he's going to hook up with him. Ronnie said he sees people all the time. Robin said he'll just have to look for him. Eugene said he'll try to find him. Howard said he'll be in the boat captain's outfit. He said Shuli will be down there too. Ronnie said Stephanie will be there too.
Howard said their dog is adorable. Ronnie said he's old. Howard said Ronnie is too. Ronnie said he knows. Howard said keep an eye out for Ronnie at Daytona. Ronnie said he'll say hello unlike other people.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Ronnie saw his mom getting boned by the neighbor so that will fuck you up. Ronnie said his dad was boning the other person.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked why the TV is on the opposite side of your head. Ronnie said that's a mirror. Ralph said that's weird. Ronnie said he's heard about Ralph's house. Ralph said it doesn't look like a rainbow threw up on his bed. Howard said Ronnie has had enough. He said he can tell he's agitated. Howard said Ralph won't even let them in his apartment. Ronnie said he had the entire crew in his house. He said they didn't take pictures. He said he has invited people to the house and they take pictures of his bathroom. He said there was no party this year. Howard said people were upset.
Howard told Ronnie to go out and watch the place. Ronnie said have a good day. Howard said they love him. Ronnie said they don't have to love him. Howard let him go. Ronnie said the ride home is going to be choppy today. Howard said he has to take a break. They went to break after that.
Robin said Will Ferrell is great and he was great on Saturday Night Live this week. Robin said Chris Stapleton was on performing. Howard asked if Robin has ever kissed someone with a beard like that. Robin said She hasn't. Howard said he's thinking of growing one of those beards. He said his beard is grey but his hair is dark. Howard said he started pulling the hair out of his face and he liked the pain. He said now he has a bald patch. He said he's wondering if it will grow back in. Robin said it should.
Howard said he was thinking of growing a beard to hide his hideous face. He said his great grandfather had one. He said you would have thought he was with the Taliban. He said they have beards because it's a sign of masculinity. He said they think you're gay if you don't have one. Robin said we should start telling them having a beard means you're gay.
Howard said it would be cool to have a beard. He said he had a friend who had one in college. He said he was good looking with the beard and not good looking without it. Robin said Howard's neck doesn't look bad. Howard said he hasn't been able to work out for a variety of reasons. He said he's been starving himself. He said he's fat-thin. He said he has a big belly and he's not grooming at all. He said he's out of shape now. He said he used to be in shape.
Howard said he has ended up like a veal. He said he has the muscle mass of a veal. He said it's disgusting. He said if he goes somewhere to go swimming he's leaving his shirt on. He said he doesn't want to turn his wife off. Robin said She loves him. Howard said She won't put up with that.
Howard said if he had the beard he could cover up that face. Robin asked how long it would take. Howard said he's not sure but it might be a long time.
Howard said Beth is going to be on Rachel Ray today. He said Rachel is a good person. He said She donates that money from her pet food to charity.
Howard took a call from a woman who wondered if Beth thinks it's tickles down there when you have a beard. Howard said he just has stubble. He said Beth will complain that it's pricking her face. The caller asked about down under. Howard said Beth would just tell him to stick it in and not bother. Howard said Beth is particular. He said a lot of things annoy her. He said he wears a chain with a charm or medallion on it. He said Beth gave it to him when they first met. He said when he gets to bang her the necklace smacks her in the head with every thrust. He said that he thinks it's his penis but it's the necklace causing it. He said She wants him to keep it on even when it's hitting her. The caller said she's an angel. Howard said She really is.
Howard said his hair still ends up in his food and things. He said he would love to get a short hair cut like Jon Bon Jovi. He said people tell him it wouldn't be good for him to do that. He said he keeps it long. He said he wants to get a masculine cut but he doesn't have the face for it apparently. He said if he had the beard maybe he could cut his hair. He said that beard might help him with the pendant hitting Beth in the head. Howard said he has to take another break. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard said Scott is actually out sick today. He said they found a health radio show and this was a lot of work. He said they cut up Scott telling them about the pills and called this health show. Howard said wheat he loves is that this doctor just wanted to get rid of Scott. He said he knows he wants to do that with Scott when he's in the same room with him. He said he loves Scott but from a distance. He said just listening to Scott got this guy crazy. He said it was too much for him.
Howard played the call and the doctor says he's taking a caller to answer one question. The guys told the doctor that they had their father on the line to talk about his problems. Then they played clips of Scott talking about having an enlarged prostate and his COPD, a blocked artery and other things. He was going over his meds with the doctor and the doctor told him that all of this is making things worse. The doctor tells him he has to get going but they had Scott still talking about this stuff. The doctor asked what he would do if they got him healthy again. They had Scott say he was going to start smoking again.
Howard said that was all from cut up tape. Robin said Scott gave us that. Howard said Scott will live on even after he dies. He said he's like Eric the Actor. Robin said he still makes phony phone calls. Robin said Johnny Cash just won an award for something so you can live on. Howard played a song parody about Scott after that.
Howard said from what he knows it seems that Tom Brady has some kind of reality show. Robin said he started it for the internet. Howard said on that show he puts his daughter on. He said she's a young child. He said it seems that Tom goes on WEEI radio and does a broadcast with them. He said it's a big get for them in Boston. Howard said one of the hosts there was commenting on the internet show and said that Brady's daughter was being a real ''piss ant'' or something. Gary said she's 5 years old. Howard said the guy says that and Brady blows his stack. He said he was never going on the station again. Howard said what the radio station did was suspended or fired this guy. He said he has to stick up for radio guys. He said you're on the air and you have to talk about something. Howard said if you put your kid on a show then they're out there for comment. Howard said kids are in the public eye and they get attacked. Howard said if you keep them out of the public eye then you try to respect that.
Howard said if he was Tom Brady he'd go to a psychiatrist and calm down. Howard said he put the kid's behavior out there. He said this is Tom's fault. He said he's an admirer of his but don't put your kid up and get pissed when people comment on her behavior. He said that's what a TV show is. He said that's why the Kardashians can't complain when they get called names. He said Brady says he doesn't want the guy fired which is good. Howard said he doesn't need an internet show so maybe don't put the kid on it.
Howard said he thought that WEEI was a news station. He said now it's all sports. Howard said he doesn't know about this guy and what's going on. He said just don't put your kid on a TV show on the internet and get pissed when people comment on it. He said sports is fucking crazy anyway.
Howard said Philadelphia is a great city but they go crazy over their football team. He said you have to hear this. He said this is from a Minnesota station where they talk about what the Vikings fans had to go through with the Eagles fans. Howard played the clip and they were talking about how the Eagles fans were throwing full beers at them and stealing their hats and pissing on them among other things.
Howard played a clip of a Vikings fan walking through a group of Eagles fans with a recorder. She got booed as She walked through. Guys were yelling ''fuck you'' to her too. Howard said that the people on Game of Thrones weren't that angry when Sersi had to do her walk of shame.
Howard said WWE had a big event in Philly and the ''Fuck Tom Brady'' chant was starting there. Howard played some audio of that too. Robin said that's in the stands at least. They're not yelling at people in the street.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Mad Dog Russo impression talking about Tom Brady. Howard said he was saying he shouldn't put his kid out there on a reality show. Mad Dog was getting upset about that and yelling about Tom. Sour Mad Dog was going on and on getting upset about Tom Brady.
Howard took a call from some angry Eagles fans (guys in the back office) who were all cheering for the team. They said they're going to burn everything either way if they win or lose. They said they're going to rape everyone too. Howard said there you go. He said he loves the passion.
Howard took a call from a woman who said She wants to defend Tom Brady. She said it was a documentary and it was his daughter sitting on a counter. Howard asked why the guy said piss ant. The caller said the daughter didn't even talk. It was just a picture of her. Gary said that's not true. Gary said in the first 40 seconds the kid is talking loud and yelling for daddy. He said she's on for like 40 seconds. Howard said just keep your kids off a show like that. Howard said the guy is an incredible athlete. He said his kid doesn't deserve it but keep the kid off.
Howard said don't be shocked if some asshole says something. The caller said Tom went on the show and said he has been a gentleman to this radio show and he has always given his best. He said he just wants them to treat him with respect. He said he needs to take a break and left the show. She didn't ask for the guy to be fired. Howard said the guy will get fired though. Howard said they need Tom to call in so it's going to reek havoc on that guy's career. Howard asked how many times he has to explain this.
Howard said he wants to see Tom Brady's wife and not his kid. He said put Giselle on there and he'll watch. He said She has a body that he's never seen on a human being. He said that's something. He said less kids and more naked Giselle.
Howard said Doug Stanhope and Bingo are coming in next. He said he has to talk to them. He asked why Tom Brady has this show. Robin said it has something to do with the book he put out. Howard said they should have Giselle jumping on a trampoline. He said that's what the show should be. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he has Doug Stanhope there and he just wrote another book. He said he has a lot of good stories in there. He said some of the stories of his life fascinates him. Doug said he's easily fascinated. Howard said he's not really. Doug said he had a cold and he had to go on drugs to do the show. He said he has a cough because he smokes. He said he just needs a month to do nothing to quit. He said he has to do things like write a book though.
Howard asked Doug if he thinks he could retire if he had enough money. Doug said he probably could but he'd probably drink himself to death. He said he doesn't have things to do like Howard does. He said he doesn't paint shit. Howard asked if he has any hobbies. Doug said last night he tried to be responsible and went to bed early. He said maybe 9. He woke up at midnight and he's been up since then. He said he looked at their Twitter after they announced he was going to be on and he read like 4 negative things. Howard said please don't read that stuff. He said Doug can't allow 4 people to fuck him up. Doug said he doesn't listen to the bullshit. He said every time Howard reads shitty email about himself on the show he's renewed. He said he reinforces that it's all bullshit.
Howard said you start to play to those people if you do that. He said as soon as you pay attention to that then you start reacting to it. Doug said he'll sit there and argue with a Jehovah's witness. He said he'll go straight into the face of no victory possible. Howard said that's what he gets from his new book which is called This Is Not Fame: A ''From What I Re-Memoir''. Doug said there's a whole chapter in there shitting on Howard's audience. He said he's selling the book to those people.
Howard said Doug went to work for a gay phone sex line. Doug said he did 2 shifts. Howard asked if he was in his own house. Doug said he had to go to the place. He said he had to sit in a cubical like any other telemarketing gig. Doug said this was when he first moved to L.A. He said every comic you've ever met wants to live on your couch. He said his friends didn't want to get a day job because that's a sign of defeat. He said there was this ad for gay phone sex. He said it was hilarious and you can get the job no matter what. He said it's funny material too. Howard said he fucked around with the people on the phone. Doug said he did mushrooms before he did it and Ralphie May drove him out there to the job.
Howard asked Doug about what he wrote about in the book and how you have to work the guy into it. Doug said once they're jerking off they just keep going. He said there's the point of no return. Doug said he'd tell them he was a 61 year old Korean war vet and he lost both legs and he has herpes scarred thighs and stuff like that. He said he'd tell the to fuck him in the ass but he has colon cancer.
Howard asked if he told one guy he had a gay boyfriend who collapsed his colon. Doug said he did and his ass slammed shut like a car door. Howard asked if he had a name or was he just Doug. Doug said it didn't last that long. He said it was just two shifts. He said he was making prank calls out of this.
Doug said their whole job was to keep the guys on the line as long as possible. He said he left early from the job. He said he was waiting to get fired the whole time. He said he wanted to be fired. He said they never listened to him. Howard said he would worry about doing a good job. He said he'd be doing the best he could. He said Doug can't wait to be fired. Doug said he had to walk off the job because he wasn't going to get fired.
Howard said Doug has a story in his book that is unbelievable. Doug said it's on page 309. He said when he grew up people would talk about how successful someone was based on when they can retire. Doug said he uses Howard's name in that. He said he said that at 80 he still gets up and does a 4 hour show.
Howard said he can't believe that the Jerry Springer show hired him. He said he went on the show years ago. Doug said this was like in 1987. Howard said he gets hired on there and then he calls Dateline or something. Doug said they were already investigating him. He said the producer hired him and they already had a bogus story they were using for him. He said he was a traveling salesman in the story. Howard said they discovered that he was hired to portray a character and this was his life.
Doug said this stripper was in contact with them already. He said they hired him to be the traveling salesman and this girl was there to tell him that she's a stripper and he hates strippers. He said then a girl comes in and they're lesbian lovers. Howard said his job is to yell and scream at the girls. Doug said the production staff were creepy and they had the girls repeating the strip tease over and over. He said they told him that 20/20 was investigating them and told him not to talk to anyone. Doug said he called his agent and told him to get 20/20. He said that they threatened to sue him over that. He said he had no money so he didn't care. Doug said they do now.
Howard said Doug is on the Jerry Springer show and then what. Doug said because he went on 20/20 they pulled his segment. He said 6 months later he got calls about it. He said at the end of the show they had him on and people saw that. He said that he was like Forest Gump out there.
Howard said Doug has packed a lot into his lifetime. Doug said he thinks he could have done more with his life but he actually did it and just forgot. He said he drinks and forgets. Howard said he describes in the book that he gets invited to parties and he was never invited to a Sarah Silverman party. Doug said it's about crashing parties. Howard said he finally got invited to Sarah's party and he goes to one before that party. Doug said he used to crash parties and he did that to Bill Maher. Howard said he is a wild man. Doug said he was back then.
Doug said that he went to the Bill Maher show and he was dressed in a costume for the 4th of July. He said he had already gotten into the pool butt naked. He said he hooked up with a Swedish flight attendant and they ended up in the shower together. Doug said he was naked in there and then Bill gets in and everyone goes in like lemmings. Doug said he would have fucked that girl if he could have but he was just warming up because the pool was cold.
Howard said Doug did something magnanimous. He wrote a letter to Bill and told him to come over and shower in his shower if he wants.
Howard said Doug was invited to a Sarah Silverman party. Doug said that he was after crashing a bunch of parties. He said Howard was at this party. He said he was in the bedroom with Ellen Barken talking to her. He said they were just grabbing their jackets to leave. Howard said Doug gets invited to this party for once. Doug said it was 2 decades later. He said She had this annual party She would invite him to after he moved to Arizona. He said he thought She might have done that because She didn't like him. Doug said he worries about that all the time. Howard said he likes Doug. Doug said if Howard didn't like him he'd be listening to the people on Twitter.
Howard said Doug finally gets the invite to Sarah's party. Doug said he flew out there and Brendan Walsh had a party to compete with it at Drew Carey's house. He said he went there first and they were all doing ecstasy. He said he didn't want to do that but he did. He said he wanted to be on good behavior at Sarah's party. Doug said he didn't do anything but be happy to see everyone. He said Sarah never invited him to her party again. He said he must not have lived up to the hype.
Doug said he had to get naked in Robert Evan's pool because his friend wouldn't do it. Howard said maybe he can just be one of the guys and not jump in the pool naked. Howard said just go not be the clown. Doug said he doesn't do that anymore but then you feel boring. He said people say that Howard isn't crazy anymore. He said they're right because he finally grew up. Howard said you have to grow up at some point.
Howard said Doug talks about this girl he dated named Crystal. He said he dated her back in 1994 and She was just so good looking that it blew his mind. He said it drove him crazy. Doug said She just fucked him a couple of times. He said She didn't have to break up. Howard said he had the same thing when he was growing up. Doug said it was devastating when he was on the road and women would want a one night stand.
Howard said this girl drove him up a wall. He said that Doug went to the trouble of finding out where She worked and he got a job there. Doug said he went to this auto trader job and he got a job there where She worked. Howard said Doug went and got a job knowing he wasn't going to keep it. Doug said he showed up to work and She wasn't at her desk when he came in. He said he was blowing smoke about how happy he'd be there. He said he came out and he saw this girl and looked her dead in the eye when he heard he got the job and he'd be there on Monday.
Doug said he was trying to be funny without being on stage. Howard said the girl doesn't fuck him so in another story that's bizarre to him... Doug said he was living on the couch of a waitress who was a friend of his. He said his road dates were coming up and this girl didn't know what She was missing out on. He said he was taking the trash out and a giant cardboard box full of stuffed animals were there by the garbage. He said he was going to stop by the club and fill her car with them. He said the filled her Honda Civic with them. He said it was every inch but the driver seat. He said he thought it was romantic and free because they were in a dumpster. He said he called her drunk and ruined it again. Doug said he ran into her about a year later and he tells her about the stuffed animals and it turns out her and her boyfriend he didn't know about caught scabies from the stuffed animals.
Howard said he gets the idea there is a stream of people who want to hang him from all of this. Doug said he feels that not being outed in the #MeToo thing takes away his street cred. He said that people are losing their jobs for stuff that he's promoting.
Howard said if the #MeToo thing had started months earlier his book may not have come out. Doug said he and Joe Rogan were out at the Bunny Ranch with Dennis Hof filming something. He said that Dennis loves telling people who fucks his whores out there. He said that he only does that for people who say it publicly.
Doug said that Air Force Amy was so cool out there. He said he figured he could jerk off to her while she's using a dildo on herself. He said that's not really cheating. Doug said he knew she'd get paid for that. Doug said she's so much fun and they had so many laughs that week. Doug said he jerked off and got a load on his shirt. He said there was a production assistant there and he came draped in his own jizz. He said he gave this guy a big hug and started grinding his chest into him. He said they all laughed. Howard asked what he's doing. Doug said that's a #MeToo thing. He said he slathered this man in his jizz. He said he doesn't get the #MeToo. He said this is stuff he did for fun.
Howard asked Doug about jerking off in front of Amy and if she's doing anything here. Doug said She was using a dildo on herself.
Howard asked Doug what he thinks about Louis C.K. jerking off in front of women. Doug said there's a comedian who is rumored to have jerked off in front of many a lady. He said he doesn't remember his name even if he's already said it. He said many years ago he was at a function and he was sharing a room with a woman who came up and told him about seeing this guy jerk off in the ladies room. He said that She said he asked if she'd be into that and She said sure. Doug said then he said she's never watched him jerk off. He said he asked to jerk off in front of her and She didn't care. Doug said he put on porn in the hotel and jerked off in front of her. Howard said it was consensual.
Doug said when this person came into the spotlight She said She did that because She thought it was funny. He said She didn't want to come out with that. He said she'd be prosecuted for being there. Howard said if a woman says sure go ahead then he's not sure if you're doing something wrong.
Howard said Doug talks about calling a hooker one night. Doug said it's more than one night. Howard said Doug would get the world's ugliest hooker. Doug said he didn't look for them but that's what he got. Doug said the weekly would have a classified ad for them. He said you imagine the best looking image of a woman when you read the ad. He said it leaves out that she's 51 and had a boat load of kids. He said She had like 12 fat babies. He said he can't even pretend to cum in his pants and just pay her to leave.
Doug said this woman shows up and he gave her the money up front. He said he was trying to jerk off to ''Trading Places'' if he could remember the 3 second scene with Jamie Lee Curtis. Doug said this woman comes in and undresses and it gets worse with every layer. He said he laid there with his pants off wondering what to do. Howard asked if there was any part of her body that was good. Doug said no.
Doug said he was laying on his back with her blowing him. He said he was looking for someone to give eye contact to. He said he was semi hard and She got up to mount him on top and he grabbed her thighs and said ''You know what I'm really into? I'd like you to sit on the other bed and watch me jerk off.'' He said he was looking over her watching Trading Places. He said he eked out enough load to make her think She did her job.
Howard said he's thinking about that as being a movie. Doug said She stuck around after to talk. He said She said there was enough time on his hour. He said he had to do a radio show the next morning and they thought he was doing a bit. He said he told them this story and he wanted to call the service and get a consumer guy on the local news to report them. He said they have poor quality control there. Doug said they thought this would be a good idea. He said they could get sued over this. Doug said that it was a real story though.
Howard said he has to ask how Bingo is doing. Howard said she's his girlfriend. Doug said She had a seizure and ended up in the hospital in a coma for a long time. Howard said he has to get her in there.
Bingo came in and Howard asked how she's doing and how long they've been together. Bingo said they've been together for 12 years. Doug said it's almost 13. Howard said She was on medication for her mental disorders and She had a seizure and passed out and went into a coma after hitting her head. Doug said she's had 4 major ones. He said She was having her 40th birthday party when She passed out. Howard said She has that post coma glow on her now. Howard asked how she's doing. Bingo said she's getting better all the time.
Howard said they had a story in the NY Post about a woman who describes what it's like being in a coma. He said this woman was an athlete and got hit by a car riding a bike. He said She was dying and they put her in a medically induced coma. Howard said She said that when you're in a coma you hear what's going on and it's like a dream like state. He said the coma is so the pain is reduced. Doug said her's was a real coma. He said She hit her head and She doesn't remember shit.
Bingo said She doesn't remember a thing. She said waking up was tough. Doug said She had tubes in holes that weren't holes before. He said they had tubes in every hole in her. Doug said it was a gradual progress when She came out of it. Doug said She woke up and said She had to pee.
Howard said Doug thought She was going to drop dead. Doug said he as the negative one. Howard asked if he wanted to pull the plug. Doug said She was in the ICU and She still had a few things in her. He said this doctor stops in and he tells her he wanted to pull the plug. He said he held a blank face. He said the doctor said there was no plug to pull. Doug said he was just kidding and said looked at him asking if he was her father. He said She got him.
Howard asked if Bingo saw the other side or anything. Bingo said there is absolutely nothing to report. She said once She woke up She didn't remember months after that. Howard asked what She missed. Doug said the first day was November 9th. He said She went into a coma on the 7th. He said She was in a coma until the 15th. Doug said they decided that they were going to let her come out of it slowly. He said once She was cogent enough they were going to fuck with her. He said they were trying to be positive and fuck with her. He said that was keeping them sane. Doug said the friends were already there for her.
Doug said when Bingo comes out of the coma they tell Bingo that Trump is elected President. He said they had to prove it was true. He said it took 8 days and She was still thinking it was Hillary. He said She thought they were fucking kidding. He said her short term memory was shot so they went through that 8 days in a row. He said on the 8th day She said ''You weren't fucking with me'' and realized it was really Trump.
Bingo said her voice was gone after they did the trachea thing. Doug said they fucked up her vocal chords with the intubation. Howard asked if it hurts to speak. Bingo said not really now. She said She went through speech therapy.
Doug said She has a book out. He said it's called Let Me Out: A Madhouse Diary.
Doug said that Bingo was being asked where She was and if She knew what day it was. He said She had no idea where She was or what day it was.
Howard asked Bingo if she's drinking today. Bingo said She doesn't drink much or do drugs anymore. Doug said that She drank for this show. Doug said that She had some of her seizures from doing coke. He said that She was doing the audio version of her book in December and there was no coke involved. He said it was stress from doing the audio book.
Howard asked if they have had sex since. Doug said that they did but She may not remember the time they did it. Bingo didn't remember it.
Doug said he wanted to get back to that story about jerking off in front of that girl. He said that this Jezebel author wrote a story about this guy who had jerked off in front of the girl and he took credit for it.
Howard said Bingo looks fantastic for what she's been through. Howard asked Doug what sex was like for the first time after the coma. Doug said She was kind of retarded and he didn't feel it was right. He said they had to get it out of the way though. He said She may not have known it had happened. He said her short term memory was so fucked up. Doug said they haven't done it since.
Howard said Bingo has no recollection of all of this. He asked if he had to get her undressed. Doug said he was in a bath tub with her. He said he wanted her to be close to the ground just in case She had another seizure.
Howard asked what kind of meds they have her on. Bingo said it's a big cocktail. Robin asked how She keeps track. Bingo said She has a pill case. Doug said they keep changing it too. He said every fucking week She has something different.
Howard said they have been through so much together. He said it's a real love story. He said Doug loves Bingo. Doug said yes. He said when they were in the E.R. He was with the family. He said they're calling him for the decisions on pulling the plug and stuff like that. He said to put the trache in they had to ask him. He said he's not responsible. He said her family was there for her and he wasn't even going to cancel his gigs.
Howard said Doug has done it all. He said he has so many things going on in his life. Doug said he still can't believe he's not part of the #MeToo thing.
Doug asked Howard who he expected to be outed. Howard said he expected record company guys to be outed. Doug said he was waiting for Joe Francis. Howard said he was waiting for Doug Stanhope. Doug said he has had people ask him if he's gong to be next. Howard said maybe the women are embarrassed to say they had sex with him. Howard said the shocking one is Fred not being outed.
Howard said Doug has written a book called This Is Not Fame: A ''From What I Re-Memoir''. Doug said he has a story in there about a woman who asked him how to commit suicide. He said this woman talks about getting toe fucked by a guy in the business and he wants this guy outed.
Doug said he wants to stay through the news and stick around for the Wrap Up Show so he can annoy those Twitter people. He said when Howard retires he's going to take over like he did with the Man Show. He said we see how that worked out.
Doug said Bingo came back but kind of like in Pet Cemetery there's something evil there. He said she's not quite the same.
Howard gave Doug some more plugs and wrapped up with them. Howard went to break a short time later. As they went to break they played Staind performing a cover of ''This is Beetle.'' They also played a Baba Booey throat clearing song parody.
Howard came back and said he has to get his speech together for inducting Bon Jovi. Robin said he has some time. Howard said he always waits until the last minute. He said he has to put some thought into it. He said he thinks he has plenty of time and waits until he's out of time. He said he gets motivated at the last minute.
Howard said he had a lot of interesting email. He said he spent a lot of time with Doug and Bingo. He went through some of the email about Bobo and the picture they put up of him in the 9/11 stuff. Howard had Bobo on the phone so he told him what people were saying about him. He said someone said he looks like a lesbian or a Grandma in that picture. Bobo said they have a picture of him like Herman Munster too. Bobo said they say he looks like a ''faggula'' too. Howard said someone says he looks like he has Down Syndrome. Bobo said everyone has a bad photo. Bobo said he was stressed out moving and all of that.
Howard read more comments about Bobo and someone said Ernie McCracken has better hair. Bobo said he doesn't know who that is. Howard said he really took a beating in the email. He said Bobo went online to read all of those comments. Bobo said he doesn't like that. Howard said he does like it. He said if it was a bad photo then why did he post it. Bobo said he wasn't thinking. Howard said people only post pictures of themselves when they think they look good. He said they don't post bad photos. Robin said he probably thought he looked good. Howard said that Ernie McCracken character is Bill Murray in Kingpin.
Bobo said he doesn't like the bald loser and bald asshole comments online. Robin said they know that. They've heard it before. Howard played him off with a song parody. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said for those people who are fans of Angry Alice it's her birthday. Howard asked how old they think She is. Robin guessed she's 64. Fred guessed 56. Howard said he must have looked. Fred said he did not. Howard said he's right at 56. Howard wished her a happy birthday and played a birthday song.
Howard said that was Bobby's Stairway to Heaven. He said he has to critique that bit. He said he sends in the worst shit. He said he picked the worst Who song to play. He said he used Squeezebox. He said that doesn't reflect their other worked. He said that's the worst. He said that song is so bad. He said there's no way Pete Townshend wrote that. Robin said that's not possible. Howard said Bobby made the music too loud in the bit. Robin said She knew it was going to be terrible.
Howard said that the premise was that Robin sexually harassed him but he was doing everything to her. Howard said he also made it sound like She smells like tuna. Howard said She has no smell like that.
Robin said he has to figure out what sexual harassment is. Howard said it all sounded very consensual. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin asked if Howard saw Mandy Moore in the paper today. Howard said he did and She looked hot. Robin said She thought She was on the good side of ordinary. Howard said in the NY Post She looks hot. He described the picture and said She has a really pretty face. Robin said She didn't know She looked like that. She said she's beautiful. Howard said he loves her on that show ''This is Us.'' He said She can show off her acting chops. He said she's hot and that picture is provocative.
Robin read a story about New York being the state with the most Jewish people outside of Israel. Howard said he did know that. He said if you don't like Jews then don't come to New York. Robin asked if it's wrong to vote on Rosh Hashanah. Howard said he reads about how only a small percentage of people vote. He said you're a fucking moron if you don't vote. He said listen to him and go out and vote. Howard said just do an absentee ballot if you can't actually vote that day. Robin said that's a good idea.
Robin said there's a dive part taking up a stand against people who use the word ''literally.'' Howard said he hates that when people say it ''Lit'rally.'' Robin said this bar is going out of business and they are banning the term for the rest of their time. Howard said he would love to name the people who do it. He said they sound like idiots. He said their vocabulary is very limited and that word shouldn't be in there.
Robin read about how Tom Hanks is going to be playing Mr. Rogers in a biopic. Howard said he saw that. Robin said this is a story about a guy who took a job interviewing Mr. Rogers begrudgingly and he ended up becoming very good friends with him. Howard asked if he was that incredible. Robin said he came off as weird and sincere but She thought no one was like that. Robin said it turns out maybe he was that guy. Howard said it's really strange because he came off very creepy. He said it would be interesting because people think he's a scum bag but he's really nice. Howard said he knows people are phonies in the business so it would be nice if he was actually a nice guy. Howard said it would be cool if he secretly killed Hitler or he was a vampire hunter. Robin said if he was really that guy he portrayed that would be incredible. That led to Howard doing his Mr. Rogers impression and did some jerking off in front of people and things like that. Howard said Tom Hanks probably won't do the voice and he'll still win an Academy Award.
Robin had some audio from the Tom Brady show they were talking about earlier in the show. Robin had Howard play that. The kid was yelling for daddy and saying She was ready for soccer. She was being a 5 year old. Howard said this makes his point. He said that if you put your kid in a reality show and she's a young kid people might comment on it. He said Tom put it out there for people to comment on. He said this guy Alex Reamer is a radio guy and he's adlibbing so he was just doing his job. He said don't put it out there if you don't want people commenting. He told Tom to chill out. He said people shouldn't comment on your kid unless you put them on a TV show. He said it's going to happen. He said he's going to have to teach his kid how not to yell when he's on the phone. Robin said they were on Facebook. Gary said he was on the phone for 10 seconds. Howard said be happy someone is watching it. He asked why no one has common sense. He said Tom Brady is super wealthy and blessed. He said he doesn't have to put his kid on the reality show. He said don't fire that guy on WEEI.
Robin read a story about Steven Spielberg remaking West Side Story. Robin said they're looking to do auditions. Howard said that guy Ben Platt on the Grammys was good. Howard said that song gets him. He said that he doesn't like Broadway musicals now but back then they were good. He sang some of that song. He said he's doing it for Steven Spielberg.
Robin asked if Howard has ever thought of trademarking his name. Howard said he might be. Robin said Meryl Streep is going to trademark her name. Robin said that gives her the right to use her name for entertainment purposes. Howard said he owns a trademark on Fred Eric Norris. Robin read more about Meryl and what she'll be doing with that trademark. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how when you get an MRI they make sure you don't have any metal on you. Howard said he had to take off his H&B necklace when he got one. Robin said a man was sucked into a machine when he was carrying an oxygen canister. Robin said the magnetism is so great it sucked him in. Fred played a Jackie laugh when Robin read that. Robin said this man was visiting in Mumbai when he carried the tank into the room. Howard said it happened in Indian so that explains it all. Robin said they always warn you not to have any metal on you. Robin said they say the man died when he ingested liquid oxygen that ruptured from the tank.
Howard said George loved his performance earlier. He picked up on Sour Shoes who was doing his George Takei impression and singing to him. Howard let Sour George sing while he sang along with him. Howard let him go a short time later. Howard said he can't imagine going to India for any kind of health care. Robin said there are people who go there because it's cheaper. Robin said there are centers sent up just for that.
Robin read a story about a sex cream ad that's in the paper. Robin said if it really worked then everyone would be talking about it. Robin said it's a big ad where they talk about the staggering results.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who gave an update on Beth's appearance on Rachel Ray. She said that Rachel just donated 2 million to Bianca's Furry Friends. Howard said she's such a great person. Howard had to hang up on Mariann when She got really excited talking about all of that. Howard said he has to interpret what she's saying. He said Bianca's Furry Friends is a charity they created and Rachel Ray is donating to it. He said She has liked what they were doing and She donated big time. He said it's millions of dollars. He said he was awfully moved by it.
Robin read a story about Chris Christie going to work for ABC News as a political contributor. Robin said he will probably be called into action for the state of the union address which is happening tonight. Robin said this will be Trump's first one.
Robin said people in New York are doing their own people's state of the union. Robin said a bunch of celebrities showed up to talk. Robin said they are opposed to Trump's agenda. Robin had some clips of Mayor de Blasio talking at this event. Robin had some audio of Michael Moore speaking and yelling about how they have to get out and vote on November 6th. Robin said a bunch of celebrities were there. She had some clips for Howard to play.
Robin had audio of Sarah Huckabee Sanders talking about what to expect in the State of the Union address. Howard said he has to hire her. He said there's no bigger cheerleader than her. He did an impression of her for a couple of minutes.
Robin read a story about the Bachelor star Nick Viall now dating January Jones. Howard said she's a looker. He made a jerking off sound when he mentioned her name. Howard said good for that guy. He said he has time to date because he never seems to work. Howard said don't give him that news. He said that's not what he wants to hear. He said come on January Jones, break up with that guy. He asked what happened in her life that She has to date this guy. He said how about the rest of us who work. Howard said if he misses a day or two of work he gets fired. He said Nick doesn't seem to work but he doesn't get fired. Howard said January Jones should be dating a military guy. He said she's one of our best and Nick Viall is getting her. He said he wishes he could write Trump's State of the Union address. He said he'd have all kinds of crazy shit in that. Howard said January Jones was one of the X-Men or something. He said She was scantily clad. Gary said She played Emma Frost in X-Men First Class.
Robin read a story about how President Trump was talking about the Taliban. Robin had some audio. He was saying they're killing people left and right over there and there is no talking to them.
Robin read a story about how it's rumored that Russians might be messing with the Olympics this year because they were banned. Robin said that Trump isn't applying any sanctions against the Russians for their messing with our election or anything else.
Robin said that Woody Allen is struggling to cast his next movie. Howard said he may have to offer them a job. Robin said they are talking Dylan Farrow's accusations seriously and some people in his last movie are giving their salaries to charities that support women who were abused. Robin said that Woody has accused Mia of coaching Dylan into saying some of the things She has said about him. Robin had some audio from 1991 where Woody was interviewed about that.
Robin read a story about Rose McGowan being part of a new documentary series where She uncovers abuse. Robin said She details her alleged sexual assault by Harvey Weinstein in a book. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started the show talking about having energy on Monday but not today. He said it became Wednesday and he's out of energy. Robin asked if he can conserve it over the week. Howard said the week starts and he gets bummed out about shit. He said yesterday he was in a meeting and talking about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He said he got steamed up about it. He said he's so aggravated. He said as you know Jon Bon Jovi asked him to induct the band into the hall of fame. He said he wants to go back to bed right now. He said he feels like he's in Minnesota at the Super Bowl. He said no celebrities are going there this year.
Howard said the hall of fame thing is being done in Cleveland. He said they do it in New York every other year so next year it's in New York. Robin said they must have said you have to do something for Cleveland. Howard said it's the dumbest thing. He said a lot of rock and roll people won't be there. He said you think it's going to be fun. He said he likes the people of Cleveland but now it's a TV show. He said they put them on TV on HBO. He said it would be great to see big stars there. He said that's why you do it in New York or L.A. He said they don't want to go to Cleveland.
Howard said this year he hit the lottery and he's doing it for Bon Jovi. He said next year they're in Brooklyn. He said don't ask him to do it again. He said he wants to shake the people who are doing this. He said they should just cut to Cleveland and have someone doing something there. He said the main thing should be in New York.
Howard said it's just so stupidly put together. He said he's going to get up and make this speech and lay it all out. He said he's going to do his own state of the union. He said someone has to educate people.
Howard said the people watching at home don't care where it is. He said it's going to be in a hall and it's the stupidest fucking thing. He said they're not thinking. He said people are so dumb.
Howard said if you want to do television then do it with people who people want to look at. Howard said they're sending some people from the show to Minnesota to do the Wrap Up Show. He said they found out there won't be many celebrities out there. He said no one is there. He said Gary said that they don't have anyone coming to Minnesota. Robin said they have had it in interesting places over the years and they had to have a red carpet. Howard said the hot spots are Miami and places like that. Howard said that's the whole telecast for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Robin said She was there a couple of times and what's great is sitting at a table is Paul McCartney and people like that. Howard said sitting next to you now will be Baba Booey.
Howard said he gets worked up over this stuff. He said why not do it in Syria. He said it's a life and death struggle then. He said Bon Jovi wanted in and they finally got in because no one else wanted to go to Cleveland. He said you're already hearing his speech. He said Jon raised his hand when someone asked who wanted to go to Cleveland. Howard said Jon insisted that he be the one to induct them.
Howard had his mom going off on him about the boots he wears and how they can cause problems. Ray was talking about the sneakers he used to wear and things like that. He said She didn't let him wear sneakers but she's blaming his problems on sneakers. Howard said he wants to look good. Ray said that they look good and they walk to the high school but now they have to find a new place to walk because there are geese. She said they shit all over the field and they get goose excrement on their shoes. Howard said he called her about his toe and this is what she's talking about.
Howard had his mom talking about how the human body is not made to take all of this pounding and pressure. He said he hasn't run in 3 years though. Ray was telling him that he did the wrong thing. Howard asked how they are doing. Ray was telling Howard to watch himself and take care of himself. He has to think before he does. Ray was telling Howard how She gets up and meditates and does other things in the morning. Then She washes up and gets dressed. She said then She has her breakfast. Howard said he has to go. Robin asked if they're going through the whole day. Howard had his dad on the phone asking who was on. Ray told him it was Howard and Ben said ''Who'' a few times. Ray was telling Ben he's doing the show and he called her. Ray asked how Robin's feet are. Robin said they're fine.
Howard had his mom telling Ben how his toe is black and blue from running. Howard said he hasn't run in 3 years. Ray said he's running around in those dirty, filthy rags. Ray said his father can't hear anything. Robin said they should get a phone to type things out. Ray told her to stop that because it's nonsense. Robin said he could see what Howard is saying on the phone Ray didn't want to hear that.
Ray asked how Beth is doing. Howard told his mom that Beth is doing great. She's on Harry Connick Jr. today. Ray asked who that is. Howard had to explain to her who he is. Robin tried to explain and Ray asked who that is talking. Howard told his mom to watch on FOX 5.
Robin asked if She saw her on Rachel Ray yesterday. Ray said She did and She has to say that Rachel Ray is fantastic. She said when She does a cooking segment there is no nonsense. She said She used to watch the Galloping Gourmet and She wanted to learn how to cook. Ray said he was full of shtick. She said She couldn't watch it. Ray was telling Ben she's still talking to Howard when he asked who she's on the phone with.
Howard told his mom he has to go. Ray was still talking about the Galloping Gourmet. She said Beth looked gorgeous on Rachel Ray. She said she's not into physical appearance though. She said She wanted to look good but She wasn't into it. She said that Beth dresses beautifully and appropriately. She said She has inner beauty though. She said she's a giver like her.
Howard said how about giving him some information about his toe. Ray said She has to go. She asked who else is on with him. Howard said that's Robin and Fred. Fred is the guy who used to stay with him and eat hot dogs.
Ray asked Howard if he remembers Queen Latifah. Howard said he does. Ray asked what happened to her show. She said She needs a chef and not a clown. Robin asked if she's still cooking. Ray said listen, She made food for her family and made a good home. She said her husband went to work and they'd have a Christmas party and never invite the wives. She said She had to stay home and cook for the family. She said he'd come home and things were orderly and in their place. She said She would cook every single day. Ray said when the kids left the house She was retiring from cooking. She said She told Ben that. Ray said She tried to be a good mother. Ray started crying so Howard said he has to get off of this and go see his psychiatrist.
Ray said She knows he's talking about her with the psychiatrist. She said She tried her best. She said She put love and care into the family. She said Howard had a mother. Howard said alright. He said his feet are feeling better suddenly.
Ray and Ben said goodbye. Howard told them to hang up the phone. Ray was still there. Howard said welcome to his nightmare. He had his mother and father saying they were going to watch that Harry Krishna with Beth today.
Howard said he has to take a break. Robin asked why his toe is black and blue. Howard said he doesn't know. He said it's really weird. He said he was wearing some sneakers the other day and he put on thin dress socks with it. He said he thinks his toe was gripping when he was walking and maybe that fucked it up. Robin said maybe that's what it was. He said he shoed it to Beth last night and She was like ''Ugh!'' He said She agreed it was from him gripping in that shoe with the wrong socks. He said he's fucked up. He said it really scared him. Robin said always go to the worst case scenario.
Howard said he didn't stay up for the State of the Union. Robin said She wanted to see it. Howard asked if she's glad She stayed up. Robin said he went for the longest speech record. She said She never thought he was going to stop. Robin said She was trying to last and last but then it was 10:06. She said She had to go to sleep.
Howard said he watched The Bachelor and he loves it so much. He said someone wrote him saying it's boring but it's so good. He said the hot chicks are so screwed up. He said they think this guy is the best. He said he brings them on a yacht and they think it's the best date ever. Howard said they should be thanking ABC for putting it all together. He said this guy calls himself a race car driver but now he's selling real estate.
Howard took a call from fake Donald Trump. He talked to him about the State of the Union address he did last night. Trump said NBC wants him to do it every week in prime time. Howard said everything he touches is number 1. He said it's something. Trump said he's going to call it State of the Union Special Victims Unit. Howard said that would be unprecedented. He said they're also working on CSI: Stable Genius.
Howard said he didn't watch the State of the Union. He said Robin did. Trump said if he had fucked Stormy Daniels it was awesome. He said he has her there to deny She fucked him. He disguised his voice and said he had a huge cock and he never fucked her with it. Trump asked if Robin ever had sex with him. Robin said no. Trump said that's the right answer. He said that's how it's supposed to work. He said he didn't give her $100,000 to not talk about it. Howard let Trump go a short time later.
Howard said Joe Kennedy got up and gave a speech as a rebuttal. He said he whipped out the Spanish. Robin said Ted Kennedy did that too. She said he was the worst Spanish speaker. Howard said if he was a Kennedy he wouldn't bother to learn Spanish. He said he'd be the worst slob playboy. He said he would hire someone to do it.
Howard had some audio of Joe Kennedy giving his rebuttal. He had some of that Spanish in that clip. Fred was playing clips of George Takei speaking Spanish too.
Howard said everyone was talking about how Joe Kennedy had some stuff in the corner of his mouth. He said he figured it was pussy juice. Howard did his Kennedy impression talking about how Ted had that pussy juice on his lips. Howard said he's a real Kennedy if he has that in the corner of his mouth. Howard said take a look at that video. Howard as Ted said he had Margot Robbie for dinner.
Howard said he has Melania Trump on the phone. He took the call from Fake Melania who talked about how proud She was that her husband did that speech without a teleprompter. She said he acted normal for an hour on TV. Melania was defending Trump over things he's been accused of saying. Melania said She doesn't hear permission for Robin to speak so She doesn't hear her talking. She said She can't hear anyone but Howard in the room.
Howard said when She said his name the phlegm went on his shoulder. Howard asked Melania about Stormy Daniels. She said She only got $130,000 to fuck him and She gets millions and She gets to fly on Air Force One. Melania said She has to go. She said She has to go to medal of honor ceremony.
Robin said She didn't like the outfit She was wearing last night. Melania said She showed just the right amount of First Lady tittie.
Howard thanked Melania for calling in. He said he knows she's very busy. Melania asked if She has to fuck Mike Pence if her husband is impeached. Howard said that's the rule. Melania said as long as She doesn't have to fuck Howard. Howard let her go and did a live commercial read before going to break.
Howard said today they're going to have a celebration of Benjy. He said they have it all planned out. He said they'll also talk about the Super Bowl. He said they'll tackle it all.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks the budget is lacking on The Bachelor this season. He said they're going to bowling and other weird stuff this season instead of going around the world. Howard said now that he thinks about it he's right. Howard said the ratings are very high this season though. Robin said she's not watching this season. She said she's not interested in this guy.
The caller said they don't even go out to a restaurant this season. He thanked Howard for taking his call.
Howard said he heard Gary is on a new diet. He said it's called The Whole 30. Gary said it's not that hard. He said he's not eating sugar anymore. Howard said he heard Gary is on this diet and he was out to dinner and he started eating the other guy's salad. Gary said before dinner he went to meet Steve Brandano for a drink. He said he had a chicken salad and he was done with it so he ate some of it because he was starving. Gary said he's lost 9.5 pounds in 20 days. Howard said that's pretty good.
Robin said he must be cutting out a lot of things. Gary said he is. He said no bagels or anything like that.
Howard said he heard that Gary was fuming about the song parody that Sal did about him. Gary said he wasn't fuming. He said he just said to Sal that he must really not like him. He said Sal said that's just the way he makes his money. Howard said Sal said he hasn't seen him so angry before. Howard played some of the song parody that he was talking about. It was to the tune of Despasito.
Gar said there were a couple of lines that got to him. Robin asked when the toe fungus came back. Gary said it never went away. He said he's down to one and a half toes.
Howard said Sal takes special glee in going after Gary. Robin said that's how they met Sal. Howard said they had to hire him. Robin said he created Horse Tooth Jackass. Howard said he did. Gary said the greatest thing about him is that he went after him for stuff that's really Sal's life.
Howard asked Sal to tell this story. Sal said he was at a bachelor party and it was at Show World on 42nd street. He said he went upstairs and there were a bunch of chicks giving lap dances. He said they were all African American so he figured he'd try it since he hadn't done that before. Sal said he went in and sat down and this chick gave him a dance. He said She starts shaking her ass. He said he looks up and there are two guys fucking each other. He said it was video of guys sucking cock too. He said they were all women in the room and then he's looking at this lady and She has an Adam's Apple. He said that he asked if he was a guy and She said ''Do I look like a guy to you?'' Sal said he asked her to turn around and had her bend over but She said she's not a guy. Sal said he got up and went to the cashier and asked for his money back. The cashier said ''no shit'' when he said they were all guys.
Howard said they were talking about this earlier in the morning and he heard the story and said Sal that he ends up in a lot of situations with guys. He said that's never happened to him. He asked if he thinks it's something subliminal. Sal said he doesn't think so. He said it just happens.
Gary said there was another time he ended up with a guy. Sal said there was a porn he watched and it was a guy banging a guy up the ass and he thought it was a woman. He said he came from that. He said that was a mistake as well.
Sal said he went to a booth once and they were ''buddy booths'' and he didn't know it. He said he had a guy watching him wanking off next to him. He said that was accidental too. Howard said he's an accidental gay.
Sal said he had a friend who picked up a man who he thought was a woman. He said he took her to his car and She blows him to completion. He said the guy goes to reach down and feels her cock. He said he grabbed her by the throat to hit her but the dude kicks the shit out of his friend. She beat the fuck out of him. Howard was cracking up.
Howard said Sal and Richard went to Show World and interviewed the guy who mops up the jizz there and when they asked if he wanted to talk about Howard Stern he said he won't talk about him because Howard Stern is disgusting. Howard said this is the jizz mopper who said that.
Howard asked if Sal is coming in today. Sal said he wasn't invited. He said he'll go back and write more Gary songs. Howard said it's weird that Gary gets upset about some of the songs. Gary said he's never got upset. He said he just said that Sal must really hate him. Sal said no one pulls each other aside. Gary said it goes on all the time. He said they were going to the bathroom and he didn't pull him to the side. He said he's never said anything to him before. He said Sal is dumb as a rock so that's why he's making something out of this. Howard said he's upset with Sal. Gary said it has nothing to do with the song.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression and talking about how Robin caught his wrath last week. He was rambling about that and talking about his diet. He said Sal telling that story was fascinating because he said ''African Americans'' in the story. Sour Gary was going on and on like the real Gary telling stories. Howard said he has a diet to get back to. He asked if he's going to watch the Super Bowl. Sour Gary said he is. They were talking about that and a bunch of other subjects that Sour was going through. Sour was doing his ''Noine'' a lot and things like that. Gary said he lost noine pounds. Howard asked if he would watch the game with Jon Hein. Sour Gary was going on and on about Jon Hein and past football games. Robin said this is so funny. Sour Gary was talking about things he's talked about on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he really has to go. Sour Gary kept talking though. Howard let Sour go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Sal is telling stories that are bullshit. He said Sal has to be the guy who got beat up. He said it has to be him. Howard asked Sal if it was him. Sal said it's really not him. He said it's his friend. He said it didn't happen to him. Howard said it's even funnier now that he thinks it's Sal. Sal said it really wasn't him. Howard said he has to get to the Benjy panel after a break. He said Benjy won't be in but the panel will be doing a tribute. He said the best part is that Benjy isn't part of it. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said this is a good song. He asked what happened to those guys. Fred said he doesn't know. Howard asked if Fred Durst has enough money to just hang now. He said he should have made like 50 other good songs. He said he was a happening guy for a while. Fred said they're still touring. He said they're going to be in New Zealand and Australia in March. Howard asked if they do a 7 hour version of this song. Fred said they're part of a festival thing. Howard said he thinks he'd want to see them not with other bands that sound like them. He said you don't hear about Fred Durst anymore. He said he used to be in the news all the time.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how his chess game is coming along. Howard said he still plays online. He said he does speed games. He said it's not real chess. He said you're not thinking that much when you play speed chess. The caller said he is a 2000 level player and he thinks that there is a huge correlation to math and how he's been playing. Howard said it disturbs him that he doesn't have a higher IQ. He said he knows he's lacking in math and other areas. He said if he had that ability. He said it limits him when he plays chess and in music. He said his mother didn't breast feed him and that's part of it.
The caller asked what he thought of the latest Bachelor. Howard said it was great. He said he loves that show and the show SEALS. He said that show is great. He said he gets taken out of the show when he sees Buffy the Vampire Slayer's boyfriend in it. He said David Boreanaz is okay in the show though. He said he gets to kill some people in it. Howard said he can't get enough of that kind of thing. He said that they're like super heroes. He said that he loves to see Navy SEALS doing that. He said they're so brave. Robin asked why he likes the killing. Howard said there are so many evil people on this planet and to see them get their come uppance and get their ass kicked gives him pleasure.
Robin asked if he's ever seen a bad baby. Howard said he has not. Robin asked what happens to make them bad people. Howard said he has seen some piss ant 5 year olds. He said he loves any show with characters like that. He said he loves John Wick too. Robin said She doesn't want to see everyone killing everyone else. Robin said She isn't watching that show where this guy gets beaten up all the time. Howard said he loves it all. He said he loves the Jackie Chan movie on Netflix. He said the Jean Claude Van Johnson show was great too. He said it was so bad they canceled it. He said he loved it though. He said he loves that he beat people up.
The caller asked about Howard taking karate classes. Howard said he did but then his sensi kicked him in the throat and he was done. Howard said he loves when people do karate in shows and movies. He said he loves people getting their ass kicked.
Howard said if he could do his life over again he would love to go to Karate and do it right. He said he was intimidated to do it because his feet were dirty. He said he never washed his feet. He said he was a mess. He said he'd love to learn how to fight like that.
Howard said he loves the FBI and CIA. He said he hates that the republicans are doing what they're doing about this Russia investigation. He said the FBI and CIA are not bad people. He said they are trying to keep this country safe. He said that they have to quit diminishing these people. He said we need more John Wick's in this world. He said that they have to stop with that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that John Wick uses a certain gun that Howard got wrong. Howard said he was using a Glock 19. The caller said it was a 17 and then a 42. Howard told the guy to get out of here. Howard said he is so macho. He said he knows everything John Wick does.
Howard said he should have done that with his life. Robin asked if he would have been any good at that. Howard said he wanted to do hand to hand combat. He said if he had a mentor like a Korean. He said he was such a klutz that he couldn't even do a somersault.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to stop with the political talk. Howard said he does not. The caller said he starts turning political again. Howard said he's hardly political. He said so many people call in asking him to talk about politics. He said he's wrong either way. He said all he's doing is defending the FBI. The caller said no one is saying anything is wrong with the entire FBI. Howard asked what his point is. The caller, Gary, said they have a memo coming out in a few days and what is that going to show. Howard said there is bias and there are guys who vote democratic and some who vote republican. He said that they're allowed to do that. Howard said there are people who can remove their biases and do their job. He said it's like that in every organization. He said they're calling the FBI corrupt. He said that has to stop.
Gary said if they had people padding information or letting other candidates slide and not investigate then it is bias. Howard said they have cops and they don't go over and ask if they're republican or democrat. He said he's trying to comprehend this. He said that they're attacking the department of justice. He said they need police, FBI and CIA. He said if they say that it's all corrupt then they don't have a country anymore.
Howard said Bob Mueller is a republican. The caller said he knows that. Howard said they're attacking the guy and he's a republican. Howard said they can't have a new FBI every time they have a new president. Howard eventually yelled at Gary to get off his phone and hung up on the guy.
Gary asked if Howard wants to argue with Benjy about this. Howard said fuck you. He said Benjy doesn't know what he's talking about. Howard said no Benjy celebration today. Howard said he said no. Benjy said that investigating any office is like any other office. Howard cut him off and said cancel the Benjy tribute.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked who would win in a fight between John Wick and Jason Bourne. Howard said John Wick would win. He said that's a ridiculous question. Robin said Jason Bourne doesn't know how he knows. Howard said John Wick would win. Robin said Jason is smarter than John. Howard said she's wrong. Howard said this genre you can't argue with him.
Howard said in the first scene John Wick meets Jason and he pulls down his pants and ass rapes him just for shits and giggles. Howard said Jason Borne isn't worthy to suck John Wick's balls. The caller said Jason Bourne is super human. Howard said John Wick is too.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that would b ea great movie. He said he also thinks that guy who called in and said don't talk politics is a moron because he called in and started talking politics. Howard said he is a moron.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the issue with the FBI is that some of the old people from the Obama administration are still there. Howard said he knows people in the FBI and there is no deep state. He said they're hard working people who devote their life to public service. Howard said there might be some people who aren't great. He said some were appointed by Obama and some by Bush. Howard said if they do this to them then they won't have a country. The caller said they have some top notch people there and the appointed people are the ones they have to question. Howard said cut the shit. He said get the fuck off his phone. He said everyone is with the conspiracy theories. He said he should be president. He said there would be no god damn nonsense. He said he won't run because he knows he's an idiot though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loved him talking about guns earlier. He said he sounded so macho. Howard said he can talk guns all the time. He said he loves the Glock 19. He said that's the best hand gun out there. He said if you disagree with him then you're gay. The caller said he should be the new John Wick. Howard said don't fuck with him. He said this guy is right.
Howard said you can play along in your car. He said this is some morning. He said he's yelling at people and fucking around. He said they have to do some pussy talk too.
Howard played the first clip and asked Robin what She thinks. It was a guy yelling ''God damn! Agaahh'' Robin said that was a guy cumming. Howard said that was an angry Steelers fan.
Howard played another one and the guy was grunting and groaning. Robin said that has to be a guy cumming. Howard said she's right.
Howard played a clip of a guy yelling a couple of times. Robin said that has to be a guy cumming too. Howard said she's right.
Howard took a call from a woman, Linda, and said She can play too. She said that she's a lesbian so She might not be that good at it. Howard said if he was a woman he'd be a lesbian too. Robin asked Linda if She has ever been with a man. She said She never has. Howard asked if she's ever had a guy force himself on her. She said She did have a guy do that but She held her own. That was back in college. Howard asked if She has a girlfriend. Linda said She does. She said she's not married yet though. She said they're waiting for the 8 year mark. Howard asked if she's a hot lesbian. She said she's kind of athletic. Howard asked if She wears a dress. She said absolutely. Howard said Ellen or Rosie would never wear a dress. Linda said She would be more like Ellen's style.
Howard asked Linda if Caitlyn Jenner asked her to go down on her would She do it. Linda said She doesn't think she'd be into that. Howard asked what she's wearing now. She said she's in slacks and pumps. She said She sells birth control as a job. She said She works for a pharmaceutical company. Howard asked if guys hit on her all the time. She said no. She said she's 40. Howard said that's the new 20 for him. He asked Linda if She would be able to have sex with him if he wanted to. She said She is attracted to men and She thinks he could get her to throw in the towel. Howard asked if he'd have to lick her for a long time. Linda said that it would be outer and inner stimulation.
Howard asked Linda if he starts kissing her is She thinking about a woman or him. She said She would stay focused on him. Howard asked if She could lubricate without K-Y. She said She could. Howard said he would fondle her breasts for like an hour. He said he knows lesbians like that. She said he doesn't know. Howard said he reads books. Howard said he knows what goes on. He said he'd put some Indigo Girls on too.
Howard said She thinks She could handle it if he went in without lube. Howard said She wouldn't even know he was in her. He said it's like being with a gal with a big clit. Howard asked who She looks like. Linda said She looks like Jamie Lee Curtis but that's just what she's been told. Howard said She had some nice titties. Linda said that She used to be super fit. She said she's not quite that fit now.
Howard asked Linda if She has big tits like Jamie Lee Curtis. She said She has 36-C so she's average. Howard asked what She weighs. She said she's 158 but she's 6 feet tall. Howard said she's got rock hard abs too, right. She said she's not in that great a shape but she's not fat and She looks fit. Howard said the girlfriend must be feminine. She said She is. She said Jane Fonda looks gorgeous on Grace and Frankie too. Howard asked who her girlfriend looks like. Robin said She thought they were playing a game.
Howard said they must have clean smelling vaginas. Linda said they do work hard down there. Howard said they must work on their assholes too. Howard asked how long She goes down on the girlfriend. Linda said that you do it in different ways. Howard said he doesn't know about that. Linda said you can use toys to insert. Howard asked if She uses toys. She said She uses fingers. Howard asked if She thinks a vagina looks good. Linda said it's prettier than a penis. Howard said he thinks so too.
Howard asked if She does a lot of licking down there. Linda said not really. She said they keep it fun and mix it up. She said the fun part is that you don't get to have orgasms at the same time usually. Howard asked what her girlfriend looks like. Linda said she's beautiful but she's not sure who She looks like. Howard asked how big her tits are. Linda said she's not sure but She has beautiful cleavage. Howard asked what She weighs. She said maybe 125. Howard asked how tall. She said probably 5'7''. Howard said She probably looks like Penelope Cruz. Linda said she's not sure who She looks like. Howard asked if She looks like Cardi B. Linda said not really.
Howard said that this is exhausting. He said that being a lesbian must be exhausting. He said that he's not sure if he should go on with this. He said that there's no reason to get all worked up. Howard asked if they do 69 a lot. She said that they don't really. Howard said they must smell too much ass down there.
Howard asked if they ever have a 3 way. Linda said no. She said She might like that but she's not sure if her girlfriend would. Linda said her girlfriend had a hysterectomy. Howard said he just lost his boner for some reason. He said he's not sure why he did but he did. Howard said he got a note from Ronnie saying that ruined it for him too.
Linda said that Ronnie is one to talk with his story about seeing his mom under the door. Howard said he appreciates the call from Linda. Ronnie came in and said it was sounding good until that hysterectomy thing.
Ronnie asked if Howard brought home a girl for Linda would She be into that. She said she'd just want Howard. Howard said that's the right answer. Ronnie got mad at Robin for asking him why he was doing that. Ronnie said he was talking to Howard.
Ronnie said that hysterectomy thing really ruined it for him. He said that when you take out all the parts she's not in the mood anymore. Linda said they just take out the uterus. She said the ovaries are still there. Howard said Linda was a class lady. He let her go after that.
Howard said Ronnie thought She sounded old after that. Ronnie said it wasn't that at all. He said it just turned him off.
Howard said he was complaining about Ronnie's radio yesterday and he got so many song parodies about that. He played one about Ronnie's limo to the tune of the Love Boat theme. It was ''The Mund Boat.''
Howard said there it is. He said he generated some fun. Ronnie said there were all kinds of pictures on Twitter. Howard said Ronnie has tweeted 9 times already today. He said 4 of them were in favor of Ronnie. Ronnie said of course.
Howard got back to the game and played a clip of a guy screaming and freaking out. Ronnie said football game. Howard said very good. He said that was a Vikings fan.
Howard played another one for Ronnie and said they finally found something he's good at. Howard played a guy moaning and yelling. Ronnie said that's a tough one. He said it's a guy cumming. Howard said he's right. He played more of the clip where the guy was cumming.
Howard said he has one more. He played the clip and the guy was screaming ''yes'' over and over. Ronnie said that has to be a football fan. Howard said that's right. He said it was a Patriots fan after a win.
Howard said he can't stump Ronnie. He played another one and Ronnie guessed it was a football fan. He was right again.
Howard played one more and Ronnie got that one right too when he said it was a guy cumming. Howard said he has one more. He played that and Ronnie said that's a football fan too. Howard said that's right. He let Ronnie go after that. He said he passed the test.
Howard said they called an internet show with the sound effects and tried to make a phony phone call out of it. He said Richard and Sal worked on this one. He said it's not easy to do. He said they took all of these drops and made a call. Howard said this Richard as Rusty and his buddies calling a sports show. Howard played the clip and Richard called in saying his buddies are all bit sports fans. They were actually porn clips and the hosts of the show got pissed when they heard they were messing with them. Richard called back a few times with different clips.
Howard said the most mind blowing part is that they're playing a Yoko Ono song. They did that at the end of the show. Howard said you know the show is a waste of time when they're surprised they got a phone call.
Gary said that they're going to be on a 3am train to get to Wing Bowl. Howard said you can't do that when you have a baby that's 3 months old. Gary said when his kid was 3 months old he could barely function. Gary said Richard and his wife are going to that and then to a Super Bowl party at a bar the next night. He said he has to come to work the next morning. Robin said that can't be possible.
Richard came in and said thank god his wife's mom lives in Pennsylvania and she's going to come and watch the baby. Richard said he's going to drink a lot. He said they're lucky so far because their son sleeps from 9 at night until 6:30 in the morning. Howard said he's going to go to a party the next day. Richard said he is.
Richard said Wing Bowl is sold out this year so it's going to be wild. Howard said the Eagles are in it this year so they're going to be crazy. Richard said someone was joking that they're going to need body bags there this year.
Howard asked if Richard ever thought of just staying home and relaxing for a day. Richard said they've been doing that for 3 months. He said they're doing this and then Oktoberfest this year. He said things are going to be crazy in Philly this year. Howard said drinking and carrying on is so important to Richard. Robin said She has had plenty of good times without beer. Richard said lucky her. Howard said the father of the year is there. Howard said that Richard's wife said she's going to punch out some patriots fans. Richard said she's afraid She will at the bar. Howard said the parenting is going well. He said his kid will probably turn out fine.
Howard said this kid is going to be into drinking like his parents are. Richard said it's normal in some countries. Howard said Richard gets shit faced. Richard said he wasn't at the Christmas party. He said he kept it cool. Richard said he gets a cool buzz and keeps it that way. Howard said Richard is just kind of sailing through this whole father thing. He said some people never leave the house.
Howard took a call from a guy who started a chant about ''Fuck New England.'' Howard said he's not sure who to root for. The caller said he should root for the Eagles. Howard said maybe he will but he likes the Patriots. Richard said he should root for the Eagles. Howard said he has to take a break. He said he's going to run out of time for the Benjy tribute. Richard said he's been on the show for 20 years. Howard said the panel is going to come in and pick out their favorite Benjy moment. Howard went to break after doing a live commercial read.
Howard said he's just saying if you have a price that you will blow a guy then you might be gay. Memet said everyone does have that price. Ronnie said he was offered that kind of money to get blown but not blow someone. Howard said that's not gay. Ronnie said not at all. He said it was for a million in cash. Howard asked Ronnie if he would blow a guy for a million. Ronnie said it depends on how drunk he is. Howard said he won't blow anyone for any money. Robin asked if he would do it for a billion. Howard said that's different.
Howard said he can't blow a guy. Gary asked if he would do it if he could make the same money he makes now but he'd never have to work again. Howard said no. Brent said he would never blow a guy. He said money isn't everything to him. Howard said that's the right answer.
Howard asked Jason if he would. Jason said he would never put a penis in his mouth no matter what. Robin asked if he would do it if it was wrapped in bacon. Jason said he'd eat the bacon. Jason said it's not something he'd be into. Brent said it's not worth the PTSD. Ronnie said he wouldn't even think about it for a second after.
Howard asked Ronnie if some guy offered him a million to let him fuck Stephanie, would he do it. Ronnie said no way. He said that would eat at him. Howard asked if he would blow Brent for a million. Ronnie said he'd have to think about that. He said he would have let Richard blow him but he won't blow a guy. Brent said he's not letting any guy blow him.
Richard came in and said his price would go down for a few people around there. Howard asked if he would blow Sal if the Eagles would win. Richard said no but his wife might. Howard asked if he'd let her do that. Richard said no way.
Richard said he'd blow Will for $750,000. He said Jared Fox for 500,000. He said Memet is more of a coworker friend so he'd be over a million. He said Benjy would be too. He said Steve Nowicki too. Howard said if you're blowing a dude you're gay or bisexual. Richard said no. Howard said it is. Richard said he's had worse things in his mouth.
Howard asked how much to blow Jon Hein. Richard said Jon looks very clean and friendly. He said he might be 900,000.
Howard said he might pay to see that. Richard said that Sal had the idea to be naked with Jon Hein and they'd lay down plastic and he and Sal would be oiled up. He said whoever Jon can hold down and rape is the loser. Howard said ''or the winner.'' Howard said this is crazy to him.
Gary said the only one who doesn't want to participate is Jon. Howard said there's something up with Richard. The guys said it's time for the jack off party.
Ronnie said that his friend had a brother who had playboys hidden in his drawer. He said he and his friend would lay in the bed and whack it. He said it was a jerk off party. Howard said Ronnie is a freak. He said he had a friend who asked him to come over and jerk off with him in the room. He said no way. Howard said there was no way he was going to do that with a guy in the room. He said he's not jerking off with a guy in the room. Howard asked why he would participate in that. Ronnie said they weren't jerking each other off. They were just in the same room.
Ronnie said that there was this guy and his wife who knew they were watching would open up the blinds to let them see. He said they could see it from this apartment. He said they'd watch for a while and then he'd go in the bathroom and yank it out. He said then his buddy would go yank it out. He said this guy was doing it all to this woman they were watching.
Howard said he knew a guy who would read a Playboy and finger this girl. He said he would watch with a friend but they didn't jerk off together. He said the wife was big and fat. Ronnie asked if he went hoe and jerked off. Howard said no. He said they were big and fat. He said you'd want to vomit seeing them nude. Howard said this guy hated his wife so much he had to look at a Playboy to finger his wife. Ronnie said this was like watching porno for him. He said it was fucking great. Howard said he was jerking off with the guy. Ronnie said he wasn't.
Richard said he had a buddy one time who used to jack off in front of him. He said one time he was taking a bath at his house by himself for once. Howard cut him off and asked the guys if they have ever done that. No one had. Richard said this guy was jerking off and he wanted to shoot a load in his bath water. He said he wanted to kick his ass so he jerked off into the toilet instead. Howard told him to get out of there.
Will said the over is -180. Howard said he doesn't think he could do it under 2 minutes either way. He said Pink can sing though. He said she's no nonsense. Robin said they take longer when they do it like that. Howard said She doesn't add that extra stuff into her songs.
Gary said another great bet is on the color of the liquid that will be thrown on the coach. Howard asked how you bet on that. Gary said you can bet on how Justin Timberlake is going to enter the field. Howard said that's good action. He said he might have a jet pack. Gary said that's shorter odds than a dog sled. Howard said he thinks he'll come out and hop around a lot. Robin said he's coming up from the bottom or floating down.
Gary gave Howard the odds on the Justin Timberlake thing. Howard said if he comes down in a parachute he's turning it off. Gary said you can bet on how many times they will use the word ''Dynasty'' during the broadcast. Howard said he would be afraid of Al listening to the show and changing it. Howard said they could call him to say it more. He said he'd be worried about the bets being tainted. Howard said he's not sure he wants to bet on anything this year.
Gary gave Howard some bets he could do for the half time show. He said that you can bet on who might show up. Howard said he might bet on Jimmy Fallon showing up. He said that's a bet he'll take. Gary said that they have a lot of people who could show up. JD said he'll bet he won't appear because he's doing a show after. He said he thought he was doing it from there. Howard said he thinks he will show up. Howard said he might have him convinced he won't show up. He has a feeling JD knows something.
Howard asked if the bet is that he'll show up during the show or during half time. Gary said during the half time show. Howard said it could be taped. JD said he has to think about it then. Howard said that's exactly what they were talking about. JD said he'll take that action. Howard said he's Justin's buddy so he'll show up.
Gary said there's an under/over for how many times Trump will tweet during the show. Brent said he's taking the over on that. He said he's going to go after the NFL and how no one is watching anymore. Jason said that he thinks he's still bitter about his football league going under.
Howard said he thinks that's dark if Trump does that during the game. He said he doesn't know if he should bet. Will said he's betting on the game. Howard asked if he would bet for New England. Will said no. Howard asked how much he's betting. Will said $100. He said he's going with a straight bet. He said the spread is the bet. He said the over/under is 48 points. Howard said he'd go with that.
Howard said when Will was in there last week and did the Eagles chant he got email saying he did it wrong. Will said he always sang it right and he said one line wrong. He said suck a dick you nerds. Howard asked if he wants to sing it right now. Will said he'll do it if he wants. Howard told him to do it so he did. Howard said that is douchey.
Howard said he has Mad Dog Russo on the phone. He took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Mad Dog impression. He was talking about the bets and freaking out about Tom Brady like Mad Dog does. He did his Mike Francesa impression too. He had the guys cracking up with the impression. Howard asked how sports radio makes money. Sour was going nuts with his Mad Dog and Mike impressions. Howard asked what Scott Ferrall is thinking. Sour did that impression too. He was killing with the impressions but Howard had enough and just hung up. Gary said he goes so deep with those impressions. Howard said give him a big round of applause.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Will is wrong again with the Eagles song. He said that he said the wrong thing. He said ''fight eagles fight'' or something. Howard said it's enough. It's getting ridiculous.
Jason said the Eagles fans are all worked up over this even though they have never won a Super Bowl. Will said the Patriots cheated the last time they won. He said he wants the Eagles to win so bad. Howard asked if he thinks that the refs are biased. Will said he thinks they could be. He said they miss a lot of calls. He said it could happen. He said he's not sure how the refs were vetted.
Howard said he has a Philly fan on the phone who says Will is wrong again. Howard took the call and had the guys in the back office calling in as angry fans telling him he sang the song wrong. Howard let Will go after that.
Howard said no one is betting. He said he's not betting JD. He doesn't want to take his $100. He said he's not betting on Jimmy Fallon showing up. He said he's not sure if he'll show up. Gary said there's a bigger chance of an NSYNC reunion. Gary said there's a bet that Janet Jackson could show up. Howard said that would be great. Howard said the bet might be the NSYNC bet. He said he would bet on that. He said Justin has proven himself so he can get back together with them. He said Beyonce did it with Destiny's Child. Howard said the bet is 100-1. He said that's a good bet.
Howard said he's taking that bet. Gary said he could win $10,000 with a $100 bet. Howard did some math to find out if he was right. He was taking his time adding zeros to the number. Gary said there's an easy way to do it. He told him to add 2 zeros to the 100. Howard said he has to start all over again. Gary said it's something he learned in school. Howard said he has him doing new math there. He said he always put his work on paper.
Howard asked if Ronnie knew to do that. Ronnie yelled ''Who me? No!'' Howard tried Gary's method and added the zeroes in there. Howard asked how you know where to put the zero. He said he's getting 10 million. He said he thinks he's going to do that bet. He said he thinks there will be an NSYNC reunion. He said it makes sense to him.
Howard told Will he wants that bet. Gary and Robin said they do too. Howard said do it before the odds come down.
Howard said you can bet on the song he performs. He said you can bet if he does Purple Rain. Howard asked why he would do Purple Rain. He said he might do a Tom Petty song. Howard said they are in Minnesota though. He said that he could come out of there with 20 grand with a $200 bet. Howard said Justin is a diplomat so he might do that song. Howard said he's going with the Purple Rain thing. Robin said she's in too. Jason said he'd bet against Howard with the Purple Rain song. Howard said he's going to a bookie for that. He said he's not in it with Jason.
Memet said it shows how lame the halftime show is. He said they should get Mick Jagger or someone like that. Memet said they already had Justin there. Howard said that's right. He was the one who ripped off Janet's top.
Tan Mom said she'll call him right back. Howard told the guys to get her on the line. Howard said he hung up on her but She was still there. Howard said he turned off the microphones instead. He said he was so excited about it.
Howard said Tan Mom has a lien on her from the IRS and they are raiding the house now. He said it would be great if She asked the police to borrow a phone to call them. Gary said She seems surprised that this is happening now even though She said She knew it was going to happen yesterday.
Howard said Tan Mom back on the line. She was telling someone that She was going to kick their fucking ass and they don't know who she's dealing with. Howard said she's yelling at someone. Tan Mom told them to shut the door. Howard kept trying to talk to her and She kept telling him to hold on. Howard said he loves this. He said now they can hear her and she's covering the phone with her hand.
Tan Mom got back on and said they have to get TMZ over there right now. She said She wants this broadcast. She said someone isn't going to be living. Howard asked who is in the house. Tan Mom was breathing heavy. She said yesterday She told him what was going on. Howard asked what is going on. He said he didn't listen yesterday.
Tan Mom said they're there to take her house. Robin asked who they are. Tan Mom said they're people outside who want to take her belongings. She said She has to go and She has been calling the sheriff over her IRS problems that She has no control over. She said She broke 3 nails over this. Ronnie cracked up when he heard that. Jason said she's a true Jersey chick.
Howard asked what he can do about this. Robin said he can get TMZ over there. Tan Mom said it's breaking news and that Levin guy can do something. Howard said he isn't sure what's going on. Robin asked if she's being thrown out of her house today. Tan Mom said She is. She said She has not packed a thing. Howard asked where the kids are. She said they're in school. Howard asked where her husband is. She asked which one. Howard said the new one. She didn't have an answer.
Howard said he's not sure who these people are... Tan Mom said he knows everything and he has to get these mother fuckers out of her house. She said She doesn't want Ronnie. Howard asked about her not wanting Ronnie for what. Brent said She doesn't want Ronnie helping out.
Howard said he doesn't know what's going on and he's being serious. He said he has to be honest. He said if they're federal officers or something She has to watch herself. He said She can't attack them. Robin asked if they said they were going to get her out by today. Tan Mom said She told them yesterday. She said that She told them what was going on. Tan Mom said She only said that about Ronnie because he put these things between her legs. Howard said this is the #MeToo movement. Howard asked what he put between her legs. Tan Mom was laughing and wasn't making any sense.
Howard wished her good luck. Tan Mom said Howard is in charge. Howard said he's not in charge of anything. He said take his advice and don't put up a fight if they're real. Gary said someone could end up being tazed. Jason told her to call a lawyer instead of Howard Stern. Tan Mom said She loves Howard though.
Howard let Tan Mom go and said he never did get to the Benjy tribute but they'll do it next week. Robin asked if they give their money to Will. Howard said he thinks Will knows a bookie. He said according to his math he's getting 10 grand if he bets 100. Ronnie said Memet did the math and came up with 10,000. Howard said he didn't know about the double zero thing. He said he didn't learn that part in school. Howard said they have to get to some news after they take a break. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked what the odds are for Justin Timberlake doing that song. He asked what that song is even called. Fred told him as he went into a live commercial read.
Howard said it's time for news. He said today wasn't too bad. He said he sat there and had a reasonable time. Robin said he just learned how to win 20,000.
Howard said Ralph was on the phone saying that the bet about NSYNC wasn't a good one. Howard asked what he knows. He said they should play Robin into the news. He said he's going to work in some of the Scott Baio tape into the news too. Fred played Robin into the news with a song parody.
Howard said he wanted to get to this earlier. He said this is more about Scott Baio's wife than it is about Scott. He said he had Scott on the show once and the greatest thing he said was that he got banned from the Playboy mansion after banging every playmate for a year. He said that he got banned after being told he had to calm down. Howard said that's some accomplishment.
Howard said Scott Baio was accused by Nicole Eggert of doing something inappropriate. Robin said She was under 18 and he was 30-something and he had sex with her. Howard said Scott went on Facebook and did a live broadcast to defend himself. Howard said someone wrote that he penetrated her with his finger when She was under 18. Howard said he didn't know that. JD said that's what her claim is. Howard said he loves that Scott is on fire and his wife is too.
Howard played some audio of Scott doing his live broadcast and his wife is instructing him on what to say. Howard said his wife has some control over him there. Howard played more of Scott talking about these claims that Nicole has made and how they are false. Howard said Scott has his wife there micro managing him. He said Scott must be so happy he stopped banging Playmates and has this now.
Howard had more audio of Scott talking about all of this and his wife keeps talking over him. Howard said She sure knows about this case. She was giving Scott everything to say. Howard was doing an impression of her talking over him.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that was the best tape ever. Ralph also told him that an NSYNC reunion isn't anything anyone is looking for. Howard said that there are kids who grew up with that band and they might want to see that. Howard said he's placing the bet. Ralph said he's throwing his money away.
Howard said he has some Scott Baio defender on the phone. He took a call from the guys in the back who had a woman talking over the defender telling him what to say. Howard said he has to tell her to calm down over there.
Howard said they should get to some news. Robin said that Megyn Kelly had Nicole Eggert on her show to talk about these accusations. Howard played some audio of Nicole talking about being 14 and Scott was professing his love for her. She said that he also fingered her on his car in his garage. Robin said She also told Megyn She had sex with Scott at 17. Howard played some audio of that and Nicole said that wasn't a good experience at all. She said they did it in her house. She said that She always lied about it to protect the show. Nicole said She was protecting it all because She wasn't ready to tell her story. Robin said the Dr. Oz show didn't air a segment She did with them until they saw this interview. Robin said they had a whole thing between her and the Oz producers. Robin said that She has audio of her arguing with the Dr. Oz producers. Nicole said that She didn't know her friend's birthday and that's a problem for them. She said She just knows She was 17 at the time and her friend was protecting her secret. Robin said that friend was interviewed and She thought Nicole was 18 at the time. Howard said it's all so upsetting.
Robin said Scott was on Good Morning America talking about it and he's saying that She can't keep her time line straight. Howard said it sounds like She kept it straight in that clip. Howard said he misses the audio of his wife cutting him off. Robin had a bunch of clips to play about this whole thing. Robin said he claims he had sex with her at 18. He said that She went after him to be her first so she'd be good for her boyfriend.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it sounds like Nicole is lying to him. He said it sounds phony. Howard said the whole thing is sad. He said he's not sure who is telling the truth or not.
Robin said a DJ was accused of touching Taylor Swift's ass during a photo shoot. Robin said he's got a new job on a show in Mississippi. Howard said hopefully he doesn't squeeze anyone's ass there.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Fonzie impression and talking about Scott Baio. Howard didn't last more than a few seconds with that. Howard said Sour had a home run earlier and he should have left it here.
Robin read a story about Rose McGowan and how she's not being invited to these shows even thoguh She started all of this with her Harvey Weinstein claims. Howard said he recalls people thanking her for being brave. He said that was early on though. Robin said her name hasn't been mentioned lately.
Robin said scientists are teaching a killer whale to talk. Robin said he's been taught to copy human speech. Robin said She can mimic Hello, bye, bye and the name of her trainer Amy. Howard said he wishes they could get them to talk so they could understand what they're thinking. Howard said they say it's easier to understand a whale than it is JD. Robin had some audio of the whale saying ''Hello.'' Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Elon Musk flamethrowers being almost sold out. She said they have pre-sold 15,000 of them. Robin said Elon is the Tesla guy. Howard asked if they make money. Robin said sure they do. She said he was the Paypal guy too. Robin said he has spaceships and cars and a company that wants to build tunnels underground. Robin said the company is going to cap sales of the flamethrower at 20,000. Howard said he could see Fred walking around with that.
Robin said there's a pizza place that wants to have humans working with robots to make pizza. Robin said the humans will dole out the toppings for the pizza. Robin said the humans will also deliver the pizzas. Fred had some audio of Ronnie the Robot that he played during that story.
Robin had some audio of President Trump from his State of the Union address last night. Howard said he likes it better when he talks off the cuff. He doesn't like this. He said he really misses the old Trump. Robin said the democrats weren't applauding for anything last night. Howard said this is the guy who taught him so much about how you can't be a 10 if you're flat chested. Howard said he was his vagina Yoda. He was Voda. Robin had a few more clips from the address for Howard to play. Howard said he sounds exhausted when he's reading that stuff. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin had some audio of Joe Kennedy responding to the State of the Union address. She had Howard play some of that. Howard said he doesn't sound like a Kennedy. He said he's not doing that ''Er-ahh'' thing. He did his Kennedy impression a bit.
Robin read about Bernie Sanders having some issues with Trump's speech. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Robin had some audio of Stephen Colbert joking about the State of the Union address.
Robin said Stormy Daniels was on Jimmy Kimmel last night. She said She has denied having an affair with Trump. Robin had some audio of her talking to Jimmy. Howard said he'd throw her right out of the studio if She gave answers like She was giving. Robin said She was dodging all kinds of questions. Howard said it sounds like Trump fucked her brain out.
Robin read a story about how 75 percent of polled Americans thought Trump did a good job with that speech. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he has Stormy Daniels on the phone. He said he's going to ask her some questions. Howard asked if She fucked Donald Trump. Fake Stormy asked if Howard fucked him. Howard asked if he had a big penis. Stormy asked what fucking is. Howard asked Fred to ask a question. Fred asked if he ran around in his tighty whities chasing her. She asked Fred if he chased him around. She wasn't answering any questions. Howard let her go a short time later.
Robin read a story about Rose McGowan going after Harvey Weinstein again about something he said.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton having a staffer who was accused of sexual harassment on her campaign staff. She didn't let him go and She now says She regrets it. Robin said it's very strange.
Robin said Lorde is very upset after She was snubbed at the Grammys. Robin said She took out a whole page ad in a newspaper. Robin said She wasn't asked to do a solo at the Grammys. Howard said he doesn't take her seriously. He asked how many times we want to hear Royals.
Robin read about how Rob Gronkowski is going to play in the Super Bowl. Robin said he suffered a concussion a few weeks ago. Robin said Tom Brady still has a problem with his hand because of a wound he has that hasn't healed yet.
Robin said the police in Philadelphia are asking fans not to tear up the city. Robin said he's advising people to avoid some intersections in the city.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his George Takei impression and talking about what he and Brad will be doing on Super Bowl Sunday. Howard spent a minute with him before getting back to the news.
Robin read about how Paul Simon is going to be doing a farewell performance. Howard said that's fucking his head up. He said it makes him sad because he's a genius and you just think he's always going to be there. He said he was part of his youth. Howard said they're aging out. He said Paul is 76 years old. He said that's crazy.
Robin read a story about another tour that's going on with Ann Wilson, Paul Rogers and a bunch of other performers. Howard said that Paul Rogers can still sing his ass off.
Robin read a story about Drake making history with another milestone in his career. Robin said he has had more top 10 songs than any other rapper. Robin said he has beat out Jay Z for that title. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.
Today's show was over around 11:10am.