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Howard and the guys were back from their 2 week vacation this morning. Howard started the show talking about being back live and how people thought they quit the business. Howard said Sirius lost every one of their subscribers and they dragged them back in there.
Howard said there is a lot to talk about. He said they were gone for 2 weeks. He said when they last left they had Jimmy Kimmel in there and an interview with David Letterman the week before. Howard said there's so much to talk about. Robin said she wondered how Jimmy recovered after that Jeff the Vomit Guy thing. Howard said Jimmy has a couple of kids and the wife Molly. He said they were all at his house for a couple of days. Robin laughed. Howard said they were all there and he can tell you that they had a great time. Howard said he and Jimmy are very friendly and he doesn't get out to New York that often. Howard said they hang out and their wives get along very well. He said Molly is terrific. Howard said he'd tell you what they did but it's too embarrassing. Howard said you'd think he's very macho but he's not. Howard said he wrote down what they did.
Howard looked up the list of things they did. Howard said his wife told him he should tell the audience. He said it's not what people imagine. Howard said you'd think they had wild times. Howard said he has it here somewhere. Howard said he doesn't want to remember what they did.
Robin asked Howard if he sees his therapist while he's on vacation. Howard said he did talk to him this past week on the phone.
Howard said he and Jimmy went blackberry picking. He said Jimmy is crazy. He said he ate them and he thought they were poisonous or something. Howard said they walked around and when they saw some plant they didn't recognize Jimmy would send it in an app that tells you what it is. He said they took beach walks together. He said he sang children's songs to his kids. Robin asked if they got past the name game. Howard said his daughter wasn't into that anymore. Howard said he use to be able to win over Jane with that song but she wasn't into him that much this time. Howard said he's fine with that.
Howard said they sat and gossiped too. He said he saw that Molly was writing in her diary and he asked what that is. He said she has one thought a day 5 year planner. He said that you do that for 5 years. Howard said he ordered a bunch of those for himself. Robin said she tried journaling over vacation and it's impossible. Howard said she should try this one thought a day. Robin said she can't keep up with that. Howard said he's trying it but it seems like work to him. He said Molly is very good with it though.
Howard said they also played with kittens over vacation. He said they partied like they were Amish. Howard said that was their big vacation. He said that he said to his wife that she hoped it was fun and she said it wasn't fun but it she did enjoy their routine. Howard asked if he's the one who has to make fun. He said they can all make up their own fun.
Howard said they had some people over for dinner. He said he had Jimmy Fallon over and that would shock some people. He said the late night guys are supposed to be at war but they're not. Howard said that he checked with Jimmy Fallon and it turns out he and Kimmel email each other all the time. Howard said they're not at war. He said Fallon said he'd love to see Kimmel. Howard said that they wanted to see each other so they had both over. Howard said they had a great time.
Robin said it's like that with tennis players. They rip each other apart on the court but then they go out and play golf together. Howard said he was at war when he was doing morning radio. He said he thought that's what you're supposed to do.
Howard said that he is friendly with some radio guys now. Howard said that doesn't include guys who podcast. He said he meets women who say they have a radio show and it turns out to be a podcast. Howard said you're not doing radio until you can feed your family from it. Howard said he meets 15 year olds with radio shows. Howard said he spent his life doing this so don't tell him about this. Howard said it's a walkie talkie, not a radio show. Howard said that's what podcasts are.
Howard asked Gary what he saw. Gary said Benjy was whispering and he didn't know what he was doing. He said he was on vacation and wondered why he was watching this. Howard said that Benjy had nothing planned.
Howard said Benjy had like 3 people watching him. He said they were all telling him that they love him. Robin said that's because of this show, not because of that.
Howard said one of the guys saw Benjy go out shopping while he was doing this Facetime thing. Robin asked what his purpose was. Howard said he's just doing a broadcast. He said he's not getting paid to do it and it's never going to be a business. Howard said if you're going to do something like that he should do it at his job where he gets paid. Robin said if he does then it gets evaluated and it has to come up to a certain standard. Howard said that's right. He said he usually says it's shit and throw it out. Howard said when he's on Facebook he has no boss. Howard said you have to get ratings and get listeners to get paid.
Howard said Benjy goes out here and tries to get people and then nothing happens when he does. Howard said he's wearing a wool cap in the middle of summer too. Robin said it sounds like High Pitch Erik's YouTube channel. Howard said that blows away Benjy's Facebook. He said that for sweeps he's going to scramble eggs. Howard said it's fucking ridiculous.
Robin said she'd ask what his motivation was but she's not sure she wants to get started. Howard said Benjy wants to prove that he's the greatest conversationalist. Howard said then he just turned it off.
Howard had Benjy come in. Howard asked why he was doing that. Benjy said he has fun doing it. Howard asked why he doesn't do that for the show. Benjy said he likes to do it both ways. Benjy said the thing is that when you watch that kind of stuff... Howard cut him off and said he knows they're going nowhere with this. Howard said it lasts like 30 seconds. Benjy said when they put it on the show it's interesting. He said he likes going out on the street and doing that kind of stuff. Benjy said he knows they'd have to edit it. He said he has fun doing it. Howard asked if he likes being the host of his own show. Benjy said he does.
Howard asked Benjy when he last attended a writer's meeting. Howard asked if it was like a year ago. Benjy said it was. Howard said that's great and said goodbye.
Benjy asked Robin what she did that was so great on vacation. Robin said she didn't do anything. Howard said he read books. Benjy said he did too. Howard asked what he read. Benjy said he read a few things. Howard let Benjy go. Howard said he felt bad for him. Robin said he was having fun and had to put a camera on him.
Howard said he works for a raid show that has people listening and feeds him and he does it on vacation. Howard said at one point he was bothering a guy in a store about baby carrots. Howard said he's not sure what he was doing. He said he's not sure why that's interesting.
Robin said when she went to Guatemala she taped it and brought it to the show. She said they used it on the show. Fred played the music she taped down there.
Howard said that they had an eclipse before they went on vacation. He said he has some audio of this Eclipse Radio channel there. Howard played the bit where they had a guy on the street talking to people about the eclipse and then another guy looks at the eclipse and screams about his eyes burning. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard played some audio of Wendy on Facebook doing a little show. She was doing a voice and talking about being in the dark again. She said she feels like she's in the dark side. Howard said she's pretty good. Wendy was breathing heavy and then just wrapped it up.
Howard said she's in radio now. He said it's the same as podcasting. Howard said she's in the same field as Barbara Walters and all of the women who came before her.
Howard said Wendy was 10 times more interesting than Benjy was. Howard did his Benjy voice saying she wasn't. Howard said Wendy is a broadcaster just like Oprah. Howard said she's in the same industry.
Howard said how about that Hurricane coverage. Robin said she saw a woman broadcasting while the hurricane beat her up. Howard said they got lucky that the hurricane over Florida was building and building and they had so many hours to cover they put a guy in a hurricane simulator. Howard said that they had him battling a fan.
Howard said his wife was obsessed with the coverage. Howard said they were particularly worried because they have a house down here. Robin said she was worried for the people down there because it was tracking down the east side and then it moved west. Howard said it was pretty crazy. Howard said then the reporters were making it out to be worse than it was. Howard said they tell the reporters to unzip their jacket to make it look worse than it is. Robin said this woman she watched was holding on to a railing and you couldn't even see her face. Howard said it was really dramatic because this one guy was holding a rope. Howard said he's not sure why they go outside.
Howard said they put people outside and leave them out way too long. Howard said this is CNN and you can't even hear what this woman is saying. Howard played a clip and the wind was so loud the woman couldn't be heard.
Howard said the thing that drove him nuts was that they were saying that it was a category 5 or 4 and people were going to ride it out. Howard said they'd ask people why they didn't leave and these people said they think it would be fine. Howard said they'd ask based on what and the guy would say he's at 10 feet over sea level. The guy would argue and say he's going to be fine. Howard said it turned out the hurricane was nothing like they were reporting. He said he was hoping it would be worse just to teach these people a lesson. Robin said when they are as bad as they say they are then you wind up with people dying and floating by as you're trying to get out of your home.
Howard played a clip of this guy talking about riding it out. Howard said there were a ton of people like this. Robin said that's a protecting your property kind of thing. She said she's not sure how you protect it from a wall of water. Howard played more of the audio of the guy talking about why he stayed behind.
Robin said she doesn't understand the people who go into an area to loot. Howard said you never see people hunkering down in a wild fire. He said it's just in the flood. Howard said they feel safe in the flooding. Howard said people are fucking morons. He said you don't want people hurt but he did want some of them to wash away. Howard played more audio of this guy talking about why he stayed behind and how he feels safe.
Howard said he saw a boat captain talking about that too. Robin said some people on a sail boat had to be rescued because they went out in the storm. Howard said if the authorities tell you that you're going to be attacked by terrorists you're going to get out. Robin said there's always a possibility that the storm won't hit but she's not going to take that chance.
Howard played another interview where this guy said he doesn't think the storm is going to hit there so he's staying behind. Howard said he was yelling at his TV and said he hopes that no one can get to him if he does get stuck. Howard did an impression of these people and goofed on them about the whole thing.
Howard said these people all talk about riding it out. Howard said he wishes they'd ride it right out of the country. Howard continued to do the impression of the people talking about how they feel they're safe.
Howard said these assholes should be deported, not the Dreamers. Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were doing an impression of a guy who hunkered down during the storm. He ended up going under water and kept talking.
Howard did his own impression of the guy hunkering down. Robin said she was reading about the people in the boat and how they thought they'd be fine out there because they're in a boat. Howard said that's brilliant.
Howard played a clip of a news reporter talking about how Miami could be cut off for days from help. The guy being interviewed said he thinks he'll be fine for a few days.
Howard said in this clip they had a homeless guy wandering the street. He said he was no better or worse off than before. Howard said they realized he has an issue so then they had to get him off the air. Howard played the clip and the guy was being interviewed about why he's outside. The guy said he heard they were killing people inside the homeless shelters. Then they tried to get him off the air and cut him off. The guy said he's actually a police officer. Then they cut him off and said they were going to get him some help.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a first responder. The guy said Howard is right about this. He said that you have to get the fuck out if you're told to get out. He said the first responders are the people risking their lives to save people who get stuck. The caller said it's irritating.
Robin said there was a guy during hurricane Sandy who stayed in his house. The neighbor's RV was being floated down the street and he decided to try to grab it. Robin said then he was flying down the street stuck to the RV and he wasn't able to stop. Robin said he had to be rescued.
Howard said that people in Houston were told to write their Social Security number on their arms so they could be identified if they died. Howard said you know it's bad when they tell you to do that.
Howard said during Hurricane Sandy there was a guy who went home early to keep an eye on his trampoline. He said his name is Gary Dell'Abate. Howard goofed on Gary about that for a short time.
Howard said that Bobo was one of the guys who was told to leave and he hunkered down. Bobo was on the phone and said he wasn't told to evacuate. He said he doesn't live near the water. He said that there were a lot of places destroyed by the storm around there though. He said he had to hold his hair because the wind is still so strong. Howard said imagine that the wind blows off his hair. Bobo said he tested it out in a hurricane tunnel at Disney. Howard asked how fast they were there. Bobo said they were over 100 there. Howard said it did survive. Bobo said it did. Howard said that must be some glue they use. Bobo said it's a pain in the ass.
Howard asked if he can get flood insurance on his toupee. Bobo laughed. Howard said he's reading about how the glue is rated for 200 mile per hour winds. They played a Bobo song parody after that.
Howard said he's glad Bobo didn't die. Bobo said they say 4 million people are without power down there. He said it could be weeks before they get it back.
Howard asked Shuli what he has about Bobo. Shuli said Bobo was not so brave yesterday when he called saying his goodbye's to them. Bobo said it had crossed his mind. Shuli said he has some audio to play. Shuli said he called and he had to calm him down. He said Bobo is very inland and he freaks out about the whole thing. Bobo said that they have a lake nearby but that's it. Howard said imagine you see an alligator walking by with a toupee in his mouth.
Howard played a message Bobo left for Shuli. Bobo was saying that the eye wall is so large and it's so big at 400 miles wide. He said it's a force to be reckoned with. He said that he's not sure he's going to make it. He said if he doesn't make it out then he's going to say goodbye. Bobo said he's not sure he'll be able to call into the show on Monday. Bobo said that he show helps him get through tough times.
Howard said the show is not designed to get him through his tough times. Howard and Shuli were goofing on Bobo and how he was talking about the storm going up the spine of Florida. Howard did an impression of Bobo talking about being in the taint of the storm now. Fred added that his car is parked in the anus of the storm. Robin asked why he didn't leave if he thought he was in danger. Bobo said they were held hostage down there. He said there's nowhere to go. He said they're trapped like rats down there.
Shuli said that he had a duffel bag packed though. Howard said he can't go anywhere. Howard and Fred were doing impressions of him and goofing on him. Howard asked why he didn't go to New York. Bobo said that they were waiting until the last minute and they were asking for a lot of money for tickets. He said it was too late to do anything.
Shuli said Bobo told him he has military grade glow sticks. Bobo said they're good for night time light. He said some people use kerosene to light up at night. He said that these are safer.
Howard and Fred were doing their Bobo impressions and making up things that happened during the storm.
Howard had Bobo's Toupee on the phone and Bobo's Toupee was talking about how he was hoping he'd be blown away from Bobo's head. He said that Bobo is military grade stupid. Howard asked if his favorite time is when he's sent off to be groomed. Bobo's Toupee said it he loves those times. He said it's like spring break.
Robin said the thing about the toupee is that it floats so they could have ridden it out. Howard said it flies like a magic carpet. Bobo's Toupee said he's whatever the joke requires in that moment. Howard asked what he has to say to the people out there. He said be strong and be proud and they'll get through this.
Howard asked to hear Bobo. Bobo said that he has to get his toupee serviced because the whole thing went kablooey. Bobo's phone was cutting out so Bobo's Toupee made a joke about how that doesn't make sense. Howard said that he really has to go. He let Bobo go after that.
Howard said he loves the religious guys who talk about this stuff. He said he was reading an article about religious freedom and now it's morphed into people getting tax free religions based on nonsense. Howard said back in the days of dinosaurs you'd shake in your cave thinking a magic man in the sky is punishing you. Howard said that he has some audio of some characters making it seem like this is god doing this and punishing Houston because people are pro-gay. Howard played a clip of this guy talking about how Houston is in the forefront of gay friendly cities and that's why God is punishing them.
Howard said that this is the kind of guy who should be deported. Howard said that he's making up stories and making money off of it. Howard was goofing on the guy and said even this guy can't believe what he's saying. Howard said if you replace the word God with Easter Bunny you realize how it doesn't make sense. Howard did the guy's talk but replaced God with the Easter Bunny.
Howard said he has a clip of this guy Rick Joyner and Jim Bakker talking about the hurricane being a judgment on America. Howard played the clip and they were talking about how everything has to do with sin and wickedness. They said that God gets his last word all the time. Howard said Jim did some time so maybe it's god taking it out on Jim Bakker. Howard said this guy sells food buckets to these people. Howard did an impression of him selling his food buckets.
Howard made up more stuff that they could blame on God. He said that 9/11 happened because of gay hand jobs. Robin said when he was talking he was saying that God is the last word. Howard said that they have to hunker down with their food buckets. Howard said maybe God is upset that he's ripping people off with his food buckets. Howard made up more nonsense that these guys could say about why God is doing all of this stuff.
Howard said these guys sound like cave men. He said they're blaming this God for all of this stuff. Howard said they make fun of Native Americans doing a rain dance when this goes on and they think that they're primitives.
Robin said hurricanes have been going on forever but they think it has to do with gays having sex with each other? Howard said she's right. Howard was still doing his religious nut voice and talking about how all of this stuff is happening because of what the gays are doing.
Howard said that this guy Joel Osteen is another fucker. Howard said he has a show there on Sirius. He has his own channel. Howard said he thought he was special until they gave Joel his own channel. Howard said he has some mega church that they could have housed people in Houston but they didn't let them in right away. Howard said he's a genius too and he had it all figured out. Howard played a clip of Osteen talking about why god isn't waking up. Howard said he's making up his own bullshit stories. Howard played more of the clip and Joel said God knows that you can handle this stuff and that's why he's letting this happen. Osteen said that he's not waking up because he's growing you up.
Howard said that these guys have some fucking nerve. He said if you say it with echo and some conviction then people believe you.
Howard said this nut Kirk Cameron was on Facetime doing his own show. He said he used to be on real TV but now he's doing the same thing that these preacher guys are doing. Howard said people give him shit because he used to be on a TV show. Howard played some audio of Kirk Cameron talking about weather is sent to cause us to respond to god in humility, awe and repentance. Howard said he catches shit because he's a sitcom actor. Howard said almost everyone who ever worked on a sitcom believes this.
Howard said he was waiting for Erkel to give his message. Howard played more of Kirk talking about why this stuff happens. Howard said it's great that God speaks through Kirk Cameron. He said you'd think that he's speak through George Clooney who is still working in movies and TV. Howard played more of the audio and Kirk said that God is the lord of the wind and the waves and he's the one who gives peace and security in the midst of the storm.
Howard said the kid from Growing Pains is lecturing him on God. Howard said Scott Baio is sounding intelligent now.
Howard said that's Kirk Cameron for you. Howard said that's actually a nicer message than Joel Osteen or those other guys were giving.
Howard said he's waiting for cousin Oliver from The Brady Bunch to give his thoughts on this. Howard said this country was based on religious freedom and this is what happened. Howard said they're whacked out on the hurricane stuff.
Howard said during the hurricane there were some funny things going on. Howard said one woman on FOX was looking for someone to talk to. Howard said this woman was out looking for coffee and went to the store but the store was closed. Howard said she was looking for coffee. Howard played a clip of the woman talking about how she forgot to buy coffee and she gets such a headache. She said she just wanted to try finding it. Howard said she turns out to be an idiot. Shuli did his Tan Mom impression talking about looking for coffee. Howard was talking to Tan Mom about the storm and Shuli said she was just riding it out.
Howard said that someone yelled out ''Fuck her right in the pussy'' on FOX news. Howard said he wishes they'd stick to Baba Booey. Howard played the clip and the guy did it in the middle of a broadcast. Howard said that was Ronnie running by. Shuli did more of his Tan Mom impression after that.
Howard said the funniest thing to him was people who decided to hunker down. He said that the second was the religious people who made up stories about what God was thinking. Howard said they spread hate toward gay people.
Howard said he contacted Bubba the Love Sponge who is in Tampa. Howard said he was hunkering down too. Shuli said that Brent said Bubba is like 500 feet from the water too. Howard said he wrote to him and Bubba said this was just media hype. Howard said he's such a character. Howard said he loves that. He said he sort of expected that. Howard said Bubba marches to his own drummer and he's always right.
Howard said Bubba had his own fan that blew shit on people. Brent came in and said that Bubba's sister was so beside herself over this. He said that he gambled on the eye of the storm. He said if it had gone 20 miles to the west he would have been screwed. Brent said that his house is near a retention pond and when it rains you can't even drive in there with a car. He said that's just a rain storm. He said when a hurricane comes it's hard to convince people that it's dangerous. He said they go through hurricanes a lot down there. Howard said they're lucky it turned out not to be as bad as they thought. Howard said he's not sure why people risk it like that.
Howard said that look what happened in Texas. He said it does happen. Brent said that it happened with Katrina. He said you hunker down and then paint on the side of the house how many bodies are inside. He said they had to chain bodies to stop signs so they wouldn't float away.
Howard said he heard a story about a guy who hunkered down and he was asked what he based that on and he said the builder did a good job building another house in the neighborhood.
Howard said that everyone feels so smart that they stick it out and they turn out to be right. Brent said that Rush Limbaugh was saying the storm was a hoax but then he flew out of there. Howard said he should have hunkered down too but he flew out away from the hoax. Howard asked why he would do that. Robin said he's like a minister in that way. Shuli said that he really is because he sells that chair of his for $500. Howard said you just get out when they tell you to get out.
Brent said that Anderson Cooper was standing outside last night when it wasn't even windy out. He said there was no reason for him to be out there.
Howard said he saw one guy broadcasting from inside a house watching the wind blowing outside. Howard said that makes sense.
Brent said there was a TV station that had to broadcast from an office because their first floor flooded. Howard said that's why they tell you not to hunker down.
Shuli said there were people who had to be told not to shoot their guns at the hurricane. Howard said the cops had to ask them to please not shoot the hurricane.
Brent said he and Jon Hein were watching a guy in Ft. Myers who was knocked over by a wave. Howard said that they are a stand your ground state down there so that's why the shoot at the hurricane. Brent said 2 weeks before the storm had taken out Houston but they thought they could hunker down.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Bobo is liable if his toupee flies off and someone chokes on it. He also asked if Howard thinks that it's child endangerment if someone stays down there and keeps their kid with them. Howard said that it is. Howard said he saw a report where this guy and wife and kids were out on the beach during the storm. Howard said this guy asked why they were there. He said the reporter had to cut away because they knew they were on TV and they were just doing it for that reason.
Howard said just don't hunker down. Brent said that they haven't heard reports from the areas that were hit. He said that he's afraid that they lost a lot of people down there. Howard said that they dragged Sam Champion out and Al Roker was out there looking like he was going to blow away. Howard said he believes that 95 percent of those guys don't know what they're talking about.
Howard said that they must send out the least important guys to go out in those storms. Brent said the newbies are the ones who are happy to be out there. Howard said he really does have to take a break. He said that it's like old times this morning telling stories. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard asked Gary why he thinks that wasn't the amount of money he was making. Gary said he spoke to a lot of people about it. Howard said he thinks he was making 250,000. Gary said that he thinks a guy in the morning in New York is going to make more. Gary said that he knew the midday person at K-Rock was making $175,000. Howard asked if WFAN is number 1. Gary said they are. Howard asked what happened to Scott Shannon. Howard said Scott is the number one guy in the morning. Gary said he's not looking to fight about this. He said it's just an opinion. Howard said he's just saying that and he has no proof. Gary said okay. Howard said Gary feels the newspaper got it wrong. Gary said he does. Robin said he just feels that. Gary said he does.
Howard asked where he gets that feeling. He asked if it's in his teeth. Howard played a song parody about Gary after that.
Howard said somehow this guy became number 1 in Gary's head. Howard said WFAN isn't even close to having the number 1 morning show. Howard asked what happened to WINS and WCBS. He said that Gary doesn't see them being above WFAN. Howard said Imus used to say that he was number 2 in the ratings to Howard at number 1. Howard said Imus was number 22. He said he wasn't even close.
Howard said Boomer and Carton weren't number 1. Howard said Gary insisted they were. Howard said he's not sure what he was reading. He said Gary must have had that feeling again. Gary said he's looking at an article from January and they were number 1 in 25-54 year olds. He said they were number 1 in one category. Howard said Gary was wrong. Gary said he sounds like Benjy now.
Robin said WFAN is number 13 in what she's looking at. Howard said that Gary thinks they're number 1 at being number 13. Howard said he was arguing with Gary over this and he insisted they were number 1.
Howard said whatever the guy was making he had several million in gambling debt. Robin asked if he was gambling on sports. Howard said of course. He was doing his Gary impression. Howard said that he's going to try betting on Dancing with the Stars this season. He said he heard from Jimmy Kimmel about how he does it and he's going to give it a try. Howard said Jimmy has his way of picking a winner. Howard said he's going to try to get in on some of that action. Robin asked who he's going to bet on. Howard said he's not sure yet.
Howard said he has some audio of Boomer Esiason announcing that Carton was arrested. Howard played the clip and Boomer mentioned why Craig wasn't here that morning. He was arrested. Boomer said that the station is cooperating with authorities on the arrest. Robin said she loves the music he had behind him during that announcement. She said that was amazing.
Howard said that he's not sure what Carton earned for a living but he'll believe what he read in the paper for now. Howard said maybe they did get it wrong. He said that is possible. Gary asked if Mike Francesa makes 4 million and the morning guy gets 250 then what does he think. Howard said he's going to go with the 250 for now. He asked why debate it. Robin said his comparison doesn't matter. Howard said Gary thinks something but that doesn't make it true. Howard said he believes what he read in the paper for now.
Howard said he knew that Scott Shannon was number 1. He said he tends to believe what he reads. Robin asked if Gary believes there was a hurricane. Howard said he's so sick of the term ''fake news.'' He said he's just sick of the whole thing.
Howard said he told Beth to let him know when he's slouched over. Howard said they went on walks every day and Beth tells him every time. Howard said he gets really crazy from it but he did ask her to do that. Howard said now he's stand up straight for a while but then he slouches again. Howard said she keeps reminding him. Howard said he may be too old at this time. Howard said he does want to stand up straight. He said he has to work on it.
Howard said if you see him slouched over then tell him. Howard said he hides from people anyway.
Robin said one thing that got to her over the hurricane was that price gouging from gas stations. She said it really bothered her.
Howard said whatever this guy Carton was making was good money for what he was doing. Howard said he got nabbed in this Ponzi scheme and the FBI busted him. Robin asked what his scheme was. Howard said it was a ticket scheme. Howard said that it was some company that would get you low prices to tickets or something. Gary said it was guaranteed tickets to sold out shows. He said he was falsifying documents according to what he read. He said that he's not sure that anyone got tickets to anything. He said he thinks he was getting money from investors.
Howard said that was some sort of scam like that. He said they'll catch you if you do something like that.
Howard said he heard that Gary spent $1500 on Springsteen tickets over vacation. Gary said it was $1,550 with service fees. Gary said it's a show on Broadway. Howard said he'd never pay that for a show. He said that he'd like to see the show but he's not paying that. Howard said he'd like to know what Gary is getting paid that he can afford that. Gary said he's going to the show in January. Howard asked him to get him free tickets. Gary said there is no way to get them. Howard said sure there is. Howard told him to call up his management and tell him he'd like to go. Howard said he wants 2 seats no further back than the third row. Howard told Gary to make it happen.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Carton was making $2.5 million and not 250,000. She said that they were talking about it on another show. She said that it was discussed and they were wondering how he makes that much and still had to do this ponzi scheme. Howard said you hit the lottery if you make that kind of money. He said that he gets it if someone is trying to make money off 500 bucks or something but not like that. Howard said it's just crazy.
Howard said he has Craig Carton on the phone now. He picked up and one of the guys in the back office was doing the voice of Craig saying that he can get him those Springsteen tickets if he pays his bail and gives him his social security number and his mother's maiden name. Then he was getting fucked in the ass. Howard hung up on him after that.
Howard said he has to take a break and then talk about Jay Thomas and more. Howard said that Jay was on their channel there and he has to do an obituary. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said he watches so much TV. He said he's watching season 3 of Narcos. He said that it's fantastic so far. Robin said she hasn't seen that yet. Robin said she's not sure why she likes that kind of stuff yet. Howard said it's fascinating watching that stuff. He said they get away with so much and they all kill everyone but their own families. Howard said it's crazy.
Howard said it would be so much simpler if they killed their own family and left everyone else alone. Howard said they end up getting arrested and in trouble. Howard said Robin is his hero for watching Game of Thrones again. Howard said she's studying Game of Thrones like it's her job. He said she's studying it like a Rabbi studies the Torah. Howard said she's like Jon Hein with smaller tits. Howard said Jon looks like he's 3 times the size that he was 2 weeks ago. Howard said he saw him this morning and he blocked the entire couch.
Howard asked Jon if he's right about that. Jon said he's the same. Howard said he looks big to him today. Jon said maybe it was where he was standing this morning.
Jon said he's very happy that Robin is re-watching Game of Thrones. Howard ended up singing a song about Robin watching the show again. He sang about her doing that so she and Jon Hein can talk about the show together.
Robin asked how that's different than Howard watching the Sopranos again. Howard was still singing. Howard said Robin already knows what happens so there are no spoiler alerts.
Howard said Robin is also going back for seconds on The Wire. Howard said congratulations on that. Robin said it is fun.
Howard said he watched the Video Music Awards over vacation and they were really bad. Howard said there was a girl who was singing and it was good but then they cut to a commercial during the song. Howard said that it was really good but as she's singing they cut to commercial. Robin said she read about that. Howard said he'd be pissed off if they did that to him.
Howard said someone said that Harry Styles new album was good. Howard said he listened to it and it was good. He said then he saw that he didn't win anything at the VMAs. Howard said he doesn't know what's going on there. Howard said that kid has some talent though. He said he was tapping his toe to the album.
Howard played some interviews that the guys did on the street with some Harry Styles fans. They asked the women questions about having sex with him with no condom and things like that. They asked if the girls would still like him if he was a neo-Nazi. They were all for it and said ''Hail Hitler.'' Howard said that it's actually Heil, not hail.
Howard played another man on the street bit that the guys did with people on the street about Harry Styles.
Howard said that's Donny Enos and he's on top of it. Howard said that they'll have more of him in the weeks and months ahead. Howard said if you really like it Robin will watch it twice.
Howard said Jay was a big inspiration to him. He said when he was starting out in radio he was in nowhere-ville. Howard said he had heard of Imus but never listened to that type of radio. Howard said people just assumed that Imus was his guy but he really wasn't. He said the guy he remembers hearing was when he was at WRNW. He said he'd drive his car and hear Jay Thomas on WXLO which was a top 40 station. Howard said he had an unusual voice and he was particularly great at doing radio. Howard said he was naturally funny. He said he didn't do it in short bits. He said that Jay did his own thing. He said he would say things that were really funny. He said he remembers hearing him talking to Dolly Parton. He said it was very witty and funny stuff he was doing.
Howard said he thought Jay was terrific. He said he was just a few years older than him. He said that Jay was in New York radio and had his own morning show. Howard said he started listening to him and then one day he gets on the air and announces he's leaving to go to Hollywood. He said that he was hired to be on Mork & Mindy. Howard said he was so jealous of that. Howard said that was the biggest show on TV. He said he was a DJ and he almost hated the guy that he was getting that break. Howard said Jay had his radio show going and he was on this TV show. Howard said what it meant was that someone with talent was recognized.
Howard said he has known Jay for years and he knows him personally. He said hands down the guy was probably one of the funniest guys he's ever met. Howard said he could get you fucking laughing. Howard said he has seen him in a roast master role. He said that he and Jay had the same agent, Don Buchwald. Howard said Jay could get up and he was a scream at these things they'd have. Howard said he was a very talented guy. Howard said he became to appreciate him. He said that they got to know each other over the years. Howard said in the beginning they were rivals. Howard said he was at war with the world when he was starting out.
Howard said Jay was brilliant so there was no reason to be at war with him. Howard read about Jay being a star quarterback in high school. Howard said that's why Jay was on Letterman every Christmas. Howard said Jay would come on the show and knock a meatball off the Christmas tree on Dave's show. He'd tell a story every Christmas too.
Howard read more about what Jay did and how he became a DJ. Howard said he has some audio of Jay talking about banging a chick at a radio station he worked at. He played the clip and Jay told the story about banging this chick while he was doing his show.
Howard said he has a bunch of clips to play. He said Jay was on their show and told them that Robin Williams was an asshole when he worked with him. Howard played that clip which wasn't all that long.
Howard said Jay was in movies and he had his own sitcom. Howard said he was on Cheers too. Howard said Jay told them about why he got fired from Cheers after goofing on Rhea Perlman on his radio show while he was playing her boyfriend on Cheers. Howard played a clip of him talking about that and how that pissed her off. Howard said he was written off Cheers after just 9 episodes.
Howard said that Jay knew his time was going to be short lived on the show when he went to a surprise party for Rhea. Howard played another clip of Jay talking about that.
Howard said that's something. He said talk about biting the hand that feeds you. Howard said then he got cast on Murphy Brown and won two Emmys for that character. Howard said he got the role because he was an asshole in real life. Howard played a clip of Jay talking about that.
Howard said Jay had no trouble making fun of himself. He said that Jay went to some Comic-Con kind of thing. He said he was in a lot of TV shows and movies. Howard said he gave him a hard time for appearing at those conventions. Howard said they made jay laugh so hard he spit out his drink because they were goofing on him so much. Gary had come in to tell them that Jay has to show up with $100 in 10s to make change. Jay spit out his drink when he heard Gary mention that.
Howard said that Jay had a huge career in TV and he kept in radio. Howard said he was sort of a jack of all trades. Howard said he would say to him he should have stuck to radio. Howard said he had a lot of fun though. Howard said he had a great carer in radio too.
Howard said they gave Jay a show there and he was able to talk without playing music. He said Jay enjoyed that. Howard said he remembers the clip where Kevin Bacon was on his show and Jay brought up being ripped off by Bernie Madoff. He said that it was very uncomfortable to listen to. Howard played that clip too. Kevin didn't want to talk about it but Jay kept asking.
Howard said that was rough. Howard said Jay was ranting about Bill O'Reilly at one time and he had been fighting cancer for some time. Howard said he kept doing his show even though it might fuck up his voice. Howard played a clip of Jay talking about Bill O'Reilly and wondering why he gets upset because none of this stuff really matters. He said it makes no difference. Howard said he's right. Howard said none of this really matters.
Howard said Jay was a great guy. He said he got to speak with him on the phone about a week or so before he died. Howard said Jay knew he was dying and so did he. Howard said doctors told him that he had a matter of days to go. Howard said he called Jay and it was a very tough conversation. Robin asked why he did that. Howard said he really wanted to talk to Jay. He said he called him and he was in the middle of watching Game of Thrones for the second time. Howard said he had to know who the dwarf was again. Howard said it was difficult because Jay didn't sugar coat it. He said he wasn't in denial. He said he knew it too. Howard said Jay told him he was going to try one other drug but he didn't hold out much hope. Howard said he told Jay what he meant to him and what he did in radio was so great. Howard said he told Jay that he was one of the few guys who did things the right way. He said that he got to say it to Jay and it was very emotional for both of them. Robin asked if he cried. Howard said he didn't but it was very emotional. He said Jay was in tears. He said jay knew he was going and he has a family. He said he doesn't know how long they spoke but it was quite a while. Howard said they were talking and laughing about radio stuff. He said he was funny.
Howard said Jay was handling this news of dying very well. He said he was handling it all. Howard said he was still Jay. Howard said he's not sure how to explain it other than how he handled it with grace. Howard said he's not sure he could handle it that way. Robin said she just read about the stages of death and how there could be this awakening and enlightenment for people. Robin said it's not really a horrible experience of losing their lives. Robin said they have a sense of wanting to reach out and connect with people.
Howard said Jay was connected with a lot of people. Robin said one of the most amazing things to her was when he found his son who he didn't know he had. Howard said his name is JT and he was a country singer. Howard said when he was young Jay impregnated a woman and they were both very young. They put the child up for adoption and it was all very well thought out. Howard said the kid ended up meeting Jay and they got close. Howard said he came to the Christmas party one year. Howard said that Jay had an amazing life. Howard said he was so young and vibrant. Howard said he was such an energetic guy. Howard said he's very sorry for his family. Howard said rest in peace Jay. He said he took that very hard.
Howard said Jay meant something to him. He said he was a role model to him. He said it was nice to get to know him. He said he was super talented. Howard said he thanks him for doing the shows he did on their channel there.
Howard said Shuli did shows with Jay. He said that he might want to come in and say a few words. Howard had him come in. Shuli said that he did know about Jay being sick. He said that he knew from the first time. He said he got well and the cancer came back. He said that he had some conversations with Jay before he passed. He said he was very happy that he got to do that. Howard said he can't believe he told Shuli before he told him. He said that he's sure his conversation was more heart felt with him.
Howard said he just read that Jay told Brent before he told him. Howard said he thought he was special. Howard said he's not sure how he knows Brent. Howard said he heard he was just a handful of people who knew.
Howard said he heard that Steve Nowicki was at his death bed. Brent came in and said that he had conversations with Jay all the time because he worked with him on the Friday show. He said that he was told not to tell anyone because he was afraid he'd get fired. Howard said he really thought he was special. Brent said he is. He said Jay did ask him to call him one day and he had a long conversation with him about the whole thing. Howard asked if Brent believes that weed can cure cancer. Brent said that it can. He said that THC has been known to kill cancer. He said it says it right here on Cancer.gov.
Howard asked Shuli is upset that Brent is moving in on his widow status. Shuli said he is. Howard said Brent smells cancer and moves right in.
Howard asked why Brent didn't tell Jay about the weed stuff. Shuli said he was doing some of that. He said he was trying everything. Howard said Brent inserted it in his asshole. Brent said that it helped Sam Simon. He said that extended his life about 18 months. Brent said he saw him get better.
Howard asked Brent when he last spoke to Jay. Brent said that Shuli told him it wasn't looking good so it was time to call. Howard asked how long he spoke to him. Brent said it was maybe 15-20 minutes. Howard said that's probably how long he did too. Shuli asked if that's it. Howard asked if Robin would want to talk to Shuli if she had just a couple of days left. Brent said he thought it was great that Robin didn't want anything to do with Benjy when she was in the hospital.
Brent said that Jay was great at making people uncomfortable. Shuli told a story about how he spoke to Kendra Wilkinson and asked how it was when that old fucking guy climbs on top of her and sticks his prick in her and she just hung up.
Shuli said the guy was amazing. He said he either pissed people off or people loved him forever. Howard said he was glad he got to speak to him. He said that he didn't know Shuli and Brent got to speak to him too.
Howard said he heard that Shuli was saying that he learned a lot from Jay. Shuli said he told him to live his life like he's on vacation so he's doing that. Shuli said that Jay told him from the start that he didn't want him telling any cunt jokes on his show.
Howard said he had someone ask him if he had a bucket list. Howard said he thought about it and he doesn't. He said he doesn't want to do anything so he's ready to go. Howard said he's done everything already. Howard said he learned to paint and he likes doing that every day. He likes playing chess and things. Howard said he feels he did a lot with his career. Howard said he was kind of dumb struck and he asked the guy if he had a bucket list. Howard said he did have stuff he wants to do.
Howard asked if the guys have a bucket list. Brent said he wants to go to Tibet. Howard said just do it already. Brent said that he has to go to the Chinese government to get in. He said that he's kind of scared of that. Howard said Brent also wants to make a citizen's arrest.
Howard said he realized he doesn't know much about Florida. He said he learned that watching the hurricane coverage.
Howard asked Shuli if he has a bucket list. Shuli said he'd like to do stand up on a regular bassi. He said he has some other things he'd like to work on like a TV show and a movie.
Howard and the guys were all coming up with things JD could do. They were doing impressions of JD and saying he wanted to be a real Transformer and things like that. Howard asked what the odds are that he could ever direct a movie. JD said it could happen. Robin asked if he is creating a list so he has to live forever. Howard said he wants to fly like Superman and have heat vision and super cold breath that could freeze your ass.
Howard said maybe start with something simple like losing a few pounds. Howard said then he cam be a fish.
Howard said that JD's dream is so out there. He said that he missed JD while he was on vacation. He said he loves JD. JD said he loves him too. Shuli asked if he achieved any of his bucket list things on vacation. Howard said JD went on a cruise. Howard said his fiancee has him wrapped around her finger. Howard said he has to be having the worst time. Howard said JD is like him and doesn't want to leave the house. Howard said that his vacation was getting up, drinking coffee, walking and then eating lunch. He said then he takes a nap.
Brent said that JD was on the cruise and he asked if he went to the clubs on the ship. He said JD told him they were in bed by 9:30. Howard said it's such a waste of money for him. JD said he's looking to experience those things. JD said that he had a good time on the cruise. He said it was much more fun than the camping trip.
Howard said he's imagining JD going off the side of the ship and no one notices. Howard asked how long it took to get to Canada. JD said they were at sea for all of Tuesday and they got in on a Wednesday. He said he went around drinking and stuff on the ship. He said he kept busy. Howard asked if he was in his room watching TV. JD said they only had a couple of channels so it wasn't all that great. Howard said it would be so great if he sat in his room and watched TV the whole time.
Howard asked JD about his day and how it all starts out on the cruise. JD said his fiancee would go get a massage or something and he'd play games and stuff. He said he played Skee Ball and things like that for like a half hour or so. JD said that he forgot to cash them in. Gary asked if he was the only adult in the game room. JD said there were other adults in there.
Howard asked if he was walking around in shorts. JD said he was wearing pants. He said they had gambling too so he was doing that. JD said he played Blackjack and Roulette.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were doing the voice of the captain of the ship. He said they ran out of food on the ship thanks to JD. JD said he's one to talk.
Howard said that JD played games and did some staring. JD said that they had drink contests and things like that. He said when they stop you get off and walk around. He said that they went to St. Johns and had some lobster. He said that's what they say you're supposed to do up there. He said in Halifax they took a bus to Peggy's Cove. He said that was nice too. He said they just looked around and stuff.
Howard asked if it was romantic. JD said it was a little bit. Howard said he's really selling this trip. He said he's convinced him. JD said there were some nice sights. Howard said they have to post some pictures of him up there in Peggy's Cove.
Howard said he thought he was the only one who spoke to Jay Thomas but Shuli and Brent did too. Shuli said the other people on his show did too.
JD said he sat with Jay at a comedy show once when they went to see Shuli. He said he didn't talk to him much though.
Howard took a call from Ass Napkin Ed who asked for a moment of silence for Jay. Howard said he can do that off the air. Ed asked how they do it otherwise. Howard said they do it when you're with a group of people. Ed said it's also 9/11 and it's the hurricane. Howard said he doesn't want to have a moment of silence. Howard said ''Bye!'' Howard said he's going to have silence by hanging up. Howard said he'd like to honor jay by hanging up on Ed.
Ed asked if Howard knows where some place in New York is. Shuli asked if he has his teeth in. Ed said he's not sure where they are. Howard asked if he really doesn't know where they are. Ed said he can find them. Howard told him to put his teeth in. Ed said he has to find them. Howard said he has to put them in. Ed put them in and he really wasn't able to speak. They were filling up his mouth. Ed was trying to ask a question about going camping. Howard said no. Ed took the teeth out again so Shuli told him to put them back in. Ed said Jay was a great guy. He said he wants to thank him for all... Howard hung up.
Howard said rest in peace Jay. He said that he doesn't know what else to say. Shuli thanked him for that. Robin asked if Jay completed his bucket list. Howard said he thinks he did. He said he did so much. Howard said he did what every radio guy dreams up. Brent said he was on a bunch of TV shows in the past couple of years.
Howard asked JD to give him a realistic bucket list. JD said he really doesn't know. Howard said he has to have something. Robin said he wants to give birth to dragons. JD said he's done and walked out.
Howard said JD still thinks he can direct a movie. Howard said that ain't happening. Howard said if JD found out he was going to die in 2 weeks would he want to do anything. JD said he wants to be left alone. Howard said he wants to win 3 Oscars. Fred said he wants to fuck Queen Elizabeth. Howard said he wants to spin straw into gold. Fred said he wants to steal something from a giant and then chop down the bean stalk. He wants to rename Peggy's Cove ''JD's Cove.'' Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and did a live commercial read. After that he said it's time for some news. They played Robin into it with a song parody from Little Mikey.
Howard said he was reading the news over vacation and one of Prince's family members said his favorite color was not purple, it was orange. He said then they were arguing that it was purple. Howard said now the family is fighting over his favorite color. Howard said it was purple. He said his movie was Purple Rain. Everything was purple. Howard said he had purple guitar and pant suit. Howard said he was way into this purple thing. Howard said he's surprised he didn't change his name to Purple.
Robin started her news with a story about the Mayweather and McGregor fight. Howard said he was so aggravated by that. He said Jimmy was staying over and some other friends came over for dinner. Howard said he was going to go to bed but it was supposed to start at 9. Howard said he stayed up. He went to order this thing and it was such a hassle. Howard said they weren't able to figure out how to take his $100. Howard said he has regular TV, cable, satellite and all of that. He said he went on and there was nowhere to pay for it. He said he finally orders it in the afternoon. Howard said he had to do it then so it was ready to go when he had visitors. Robin said she wasn't able to get it on anything but a small TV.
Howard said he was all set to go. He said 9 o'clock comes and all of the men come down to watch and then the TV won't turn on. He said the whole fucking TV won't turn on. Howard said his TV gives him an error. He said the big screen never works. He said it's the biggest piece of shit ever. Howard said then he's sending out email about his TV not working. He said he restarts it and he's sweating bullets. He said the guys are all laughing at him. He said he's getting upset and if he sees anyone laugh he's leaving his own party. Howard said it would have been easier to have two guys fight in his basement. Howard said some of the guys had money on this fight.
Howard said they got the TV on and then went to watch and it said they didn't order it. Howard said he paid the bill but they said it didn't go through. Howard said they said his credit card info wasn't right. Howard said Jimmy got on his phone to see how to order the fight. Howard said they made it so difficult to give them his $100. Howard said it was two guys hitting each other.
Howard said Jimmy read about how to do it. He said like a half hour later they got the fight. Howard said it's like 9:30 and he's ready for bed. He said he could care less. Howard said the real fight was between him and his TV set. Howard said the TV didn't even turn on. He said it was a black screen. He said you have to let it cool down if it doesn't come on.
Howard said he was ready to give them $100 to watch this big mismatch. Howard said Jimmy was all excited because Mayweather said he'd give him his money back no matter what he bet. Howard said Jimmy had a lot of money on this fight. He said there were like 50 matches before the main event. Robin said she was watching all of that too. Howard said he went to bed and told the rest of the guys that they could watch. Howard said he was going to watch it in the morning. Howard said he thought it was recording.
Robin said that Mayweather is 40 and McGregor is 29 so you think it's going to be kind of fair. Howard said he thought the fight was recording but he gets up at 5 in the morning and went to watch it. Howard said it wasn't there. He said there was no recording. Howard said he went on the web to watch it but it wasn't there. Howard asked what people are supposed to do when they go to bed at 9. Howard said that there was nothing to watch on the web. Howard said he still hasn't seen it. Robin said she was able to record it on her small TV. Howard said he thinks he paid for it twice and still didn't see it. Howard said he heard about the fight and read about it in the paper. Howard said the guests had a good time watching the fight. Robin laughed. Howard said he's not sure why it's on at 2 in the morning. Howard said they should have it on at 9. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin got back to her news and read more about the fight and the trouble people were having getting it.
Robin read about the new iPhone 8 that's coming out soon. Robin asked Howard if he wants to get it. Howard said he read that it's going to have an OLED display. He said he was reading up on that and they say that it's a screen that will make your battery life last forever. He said then he read that there are already phones with those screens but they don't really use less battery life. Howard said it's only if you look at things that are black or dark. Howard said it's absurd. Howard said the OLED doesn't save you any battery life. Howard said they say the camera will be better. He said they say the front will be all glass. He thought they already were glass.
Howard said the fingerprint thing never worked for him and he can't use it. Howard said he's just going to be staring at this dumb thing. He said he knows he'll end up buying it so he can have it. Robin said it's called the iPhone X. Robin said that's the premium iPhone. Robin said the cheaper models will be iPhone 8 and 8 Plus. Howard said he has to have the X. Robin said it may have facial recognition and wireless charging. Fred played the sound of breaking glass and Howard said that's what happens when he looks at the phone.
Robin said they say the Apple Watch will be able to make calls too. Robin said they will be launching the new phone tomorrow. Howard wondered if Gary thinks this is a bit of a stumble. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he's looking at the iPhone 8 again. Fred played glass breaking. Howard said that's his third iPhone that broke.
Robin said she has one of those Amazon Alexa things and you can ask it anything but it often doesn't have any information. Robin said that if you ask her what she does know then she has answers.
Robin read about how the Pope has a black eye. Robin said he has no seat belts in his Popemobile and the car had to stop short and he hit whatever was in front of him and he got a black eye. Robin said he looks like a victim of domestic abuse. Robin said he didn't try to cover it up.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were doing a voice of a guy telling Howard to stop schlumping over. Howard said that must be Beth in disguise.
Robin read a story about the guy from Steely Dan dying. Howard said he was going to do an obituary today but he'll talk about that tomorrow.
Robin said that Don Ohlmeyer died too. Robin said he was the head of NBC when they fired Norm Macdonald from Saturday Night Live. Robin said they think that it was because he was friends with OJ Simpson and Norm was making a lot of jokes about OJ at the time. Howard said poor Norm. He said Don is friends with fucking OJ and Norm gets fired. Howard said he somehow went on after that. Howard said Don was on the wrong side of the OJ thing.
Robin read about Hillary Clinton promoting her new book. Robin had some audio of her on a show talking about Trump's inauguration speech. That led to Howard talking about George Stephanopoulos and how he'd like to get him to run in 2020. Howard spent a short time talking about that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about hurricane Irma which has been downgraded to a tropical storm. Robin said that it's already left Florida with a lot of flooding and millions without power. Robin said people are just getting their first look at the damage today. Robin said people are being told not to go home yet by the governor. Robin had some audio of a senator talking about how well they handled this. Robin had some audio of other people talking about what happened in different areas like Tampa. Robin said residents of Marco Island felt the wrath of the hurricane. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about today being the anniversary of 9/11 and how Donald Trump is observing the day for the first time as President. Robin had some audio of someone playing Taps and Fred played Gary playing trumpet over that. Robin told him to stop that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was in Miami on Wednesday and it was like a ghost town. He asked if Howard has seen Taylor Swift's new video. Howard said he did and he didn't like it. Howard said it wasn't sexy enough. Howard said she should be in almost no clothing. Robin said Howard is a mess. Howard said he knows he is. He said he'd like to be normal but he's not. He said he wanted her to be in various outfits. Robin asked why he'd go to a video with expectations like that. Howard said he wants a sexy video. That led to Howard talking about Game of Thrones and how he liked seeing the Khaleesi naked in the past seasons and it didn't happen enough in the later seasons. Howard said they finally get her naked in the season finale and they show Jon Snow's ass. Howard said HBO had to be like ''You've got to be fucking kidding'' when they got the call that she wasn't going to get naked anymore. Howard made up a whole conversation between HBO and Khaleesi's management.
Robin read a story about the first Slenderman trial that's starting soon. Robin said that these girls killed a classmate because they believed in this Slenderman. Robin read some details about that case.
Robin read a story about Sinead O'Connor who was interviewed by Dr. Phil. Howard said its very nice of him to interview her. Howard said he stepped in and offered up his services. Robin asked if Howard would interview her. Howard said sure but he's not saying he's ''helping'' her like Dr. Phil is. Howard said if he was a doctor he sure wouldn't be treating people on TV. Robin had some preview audio for the interview.
Robin read a story about the movie industry complaining about the dismal movie sales this summer. Howard said it's disgusting to go to a theater. He said that people are talking and sneezing and coughing while you're trying to watch. He said he can wait 3 months and watch at home instead.
Robin said they think that the movies get bad reviews on RottenTomatoes.com and the movie studios think that's what's keeping people away. Robin said Stephen King's movie ''It'' made $117 million. Howard said he got that movie and he's too scared to watch it. Howard said they say it's so scary and he doesn't want to see it. Howard said Richard saw it twice. Richard came in and said it was fucking awesome. He said it's so scary. He said the characters are so great. Howard said it's a clown that kills kids. Richard said it's really good. Howard said he doesn't like movies like that. Howard asked if he has nightmares from it. Richard said not really. He said there's one movie called REC that scared the hell out of him. Richard said Howard would love this place he saw the movie at. He said they kick you out if you talk or text during the movie. He said it's called the Alamo Drafthouse. Richard told Howard he should see ''It.'' Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
Howard started the show talking about how he can't believe summer is over. He said he feels it's too short. Robin said they have daylight savings time. She said they need a summer saving time. Howard said he knows his summer is going away and he likes warm weather. He said he's very distressed about it. Robin said congress did it to save daylight so maybe they can do it for summer.
Howard said he had his Dunkin' Donuts coffee this morning. He said they're not a sponsor but he likes their coffee. He said he just did his peel off to win something. He won 80 cents. He said Jason won a free sandwich like he needs that.
Howard said Rob Zombie is unbelievable. He said he's very underrated. Robin said he's a renaissance man. Howard said he really is. Howard said he's very handsome too.
Howard said he wants to acknowledge Jimmy Kimmel's contribution to the show. Howard said he was on the show for 2 days while he was on vacation. He said people wrote in about him being on and he got a lot of nice feedback. Howard said he does want to thank him for doing that. He said he's such a great guy. He really has a friend in Jimmy. He said he stayed at his house for a couple of days and he's a very thoughtful guy.
Howard said Jimmy sent him all kinds of gifts to thank him for staying at his house. Howard said he sent some wine that they had while they were over. Howard said Jimmy's wife writes in a journal and it's one line a day for 5 years. He said he asked about the book and Molly sent him 4 of those. Howard said he's going to be able to write one line a day for the next few years. Howard said he sent some napkins that they use to set the table. Howard said he's a very thoughtful guy.
Howard said Jimmy Fallon also came over and he and Kimmel were happy to see each other. Howard said Fallon is very gracious too. He said that they're very thoughtful guests. Howard said Fallon came over for dinner since he doesn't like to go out. Howard said he likes to stay in. He's always done that. Howard said he gets so fucking nervous when he has to leave his home. He said he has a lot of difficulty with life. He has a lot of issues but people go along with it. Howard said he isn't fun. His wife told him that. He said she said she likes their routine. Howard said he hopes he was fun on the two week vacation and Beth said that it wasn't fun but she liked their routine. Howard said monks say that kind of thing. Howard said he knows he's not fun. He said he's fun when he's paid to be fun.
Howard said Jimmy Fallon came over and he has a great wife too. Robin said Howard does too. Howard said he's not saying she's not. He said his wife is great too. Howard said he's being complimentary toward their wives. He said this Nancy Fallon is attractive and smart as a whip. He said Drew Barrymore is her partner. He said he'd like to talk more to these women but the husbands want to talk to him. Howard asked Fred if that's the case with him too. Fred said it is. Howard said he likes Fred's wife too but he's interested in Fred when he goes out. Howard said she's very interesting.
Robin said Fred's wife wrote a great Facebook post after the whole Charlottesville thing. Robin said she wrote about the people involved and wrote to people not to write her nasty responses and to just unfriend her if you don't like it.
Howard said no one is going to argue with her on that. Fred said there are people she's had to unfriend. He said they're pro-Nazi and pro-Trump. Howard said that's a bold stance to come out against Nazis.
Howard said that Michael Jackson's daughter Paris is trying to create something. Robin said she's a model. Howard said she's calling herself a model. He said she's a pretty girl. Howard said she came out and condemned the Nazis on the MTV awards. Howard asked why we have to condemn them. He said we get it, Nazis suck. Howard said imagine you have to have Allison Norris telling him that the Nazis suck.
Howard had some audio of Paris Jackson talking about the Nazis. Howard said all of her statements sound like questions. Howard said he doesn't need to be lectured by people like that.
Howard said Katy Perry was trying to be funny at the MTV awards and that would be like him trying to sing at the awards. He said she's just not funny. Howard said he odes like Paris' message but come on. He played more of her speech at the MTV awards.
Robin said there is a place for this too. She said there are a lot of people who say this stuff and she's not sure why she's one of these people. Howard said she's on the cover of Rolling Stone too. Howard said he's waiting to hear from Blanket. He said he came out against Antifa.
Howard said that her talent is just being hot. He said that's what Kendall Jenner's job is too. Robin said she was at a restaurant and they had a model conclave going on. She said none of them were famous but they were striking. Howard said real models are women who you almost fall down for when you see them. Robin said that they walk out and they strike a pose.
Howard said Paris Jackson signed a major modeling contract this year but she's just going out and making speaking engagements.
Howard said it's a weird world where we have to remind people that we're against Nazis. Howard said Paris isn't a real model. He said that Christie Brinkley is a real model. He said Cindy Crawford is a real model. He said your head would spin when you saw them.
Howard said he ate that food and then he went and watched TV. He said he was getting into bed early at 6. He said he watched The Strain. He said it's such a good show. Robin said she thinks she's behind with that show. Howard said he watched Ray Donovan which is so good. Howard said they have to get away from the sick wife. Howard said ray has to fuck that hot chick. He said he wants to see him kill people and fuck hot chicks. Howard said Liev Schreiber wants to do that too. He said don't get all heavy with him. He said he has enough people in his life with cancer. He said all of a sudden he loves his wife. Howard said the wife gets topless in the show but she has cancer so that's sick. Howard said enough of that.
Howard said around 8:15 he watched Bachelor in Paradise. Howard said he didn't watch with Beth. He said he went to bed after that. Robin said she's behind on that show too. Howard said he put his head down and he thanked God for shrimp Parmesan and for television. Howard said he was all over the world with that TV. He said he was in California and in New York with the vampires. Robin said he was in Mexico with Bachelor in Paradise.
Howard said he woke up this morning singing the theme to the Bachelor in Paradise show. He said what a life he's having. Howard said don't be jealous of him. There's no reason to be.
Howard said Jimmy came over a couple of months ago and he looks good. He said you see someone and they just look good. Howard said he thought he should say something. He told Jimmy it was the shirt he was wearing. He said it was a terrific shirt that was kind of a Hawaiian shirt but not really. Howard said he told Jimmy it was great. He said he told Jimmy he looks good and Jimmy turned to his wife saying he looks terrific with that shirt. He said his wife told him the same thing. Howard said he told Jimmy to wear that shirt on his TV show instead of a suit. He said that he told him to have the people vote on this look.
Howard said he told Jimmy to do this and he looked excited about it. Howard said he had a couple of other people over so they had safety in numbers. Howard said he had invited this one guy over and he walks in and walks up to Jimmy and tells him what a great shirt it is he's wearing. Howard said Jimmy thought he was putting him on. Howard said he wasn't doing that at all. He said this guy who was over also said he looked great. Howard said he had an idea to wear it on the Tonight Show and it would be a big hit. The other guy thought it was a great idea too.
Howard said then another couple walks in and this woman tells Jimmy his shirt is great. Howard said this is the third person to tell him this. He said Jimmy is all excited about this. He said Jimmy is really getting excited about the shirt.
Howard said after that evening he leaves and he doesn't see him for a couple of months. Then he comes over when Kimmel is over. Howard said he's carrying like 50 shirts on hangers with him. He said Jimmy comes in with the shirts and he contacted the guy who makes them and now they get to pick out some shirts. Howard said everyone got a shirt. He said they took pictures in the shirt. He said he looked ridiculous in it. He said it only works on Jimmy Fallon. He said the other guys looked okay but Fallon looked great in it. Howard said one of the guys was Jon Bon Jovi. He said that he looks like a model but he didn't look that good in it. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel didn't look too bad in it. He said maybe both of them should wear them on their shows. Howard said this is the fun he has.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has to share the shirt with them. He said he hasn't said anything about it. Howard said he's not even sure what it looked like. He said it just looked good. Howard said it's kind of like a Hawaiian shirt but not really. The caller asked if it's like a bowling shirt. Howard said it's not a bowling shirt but it's kind of like that. The caller said he's been in the car for 5 minutes and he has no idea what it looks like. Howard said he'll get a picture of it. The caller asked if cum comes off of it. He said the carrying on is crazy. Howard said everyone came in and said it was some shirt.
Howard said he doesn't think Bon Jovi liked it that much. He said that he does have celebrity interactions. He said that they all look up to him. He said he gives them a treat and lets them hang out with him.
Robin said he's not impressive looking with his shirt off. He said the shirt didn't fit him very well either. Howard was looking for the picture and he wasn't able to find it. Howard said they may have used Beth's phone. Gary asked if he wants him to call Beth and ask if she can find it. Howard said he can but text her because he's not sure how late she was out.
Howard said that was a big deal to have them all over at his house. He said he had a good time with them. Howard said it was a big deal.
Howard said he's going to play some clips. He said she comes out and she's making jokes about the space suit. Howard said she says she has no idea what's going on because she was in space. Howard played a clip and Katy was talking about going to space and things were screwed up before she left. She said that they look so happy and peaceful out there. Howard said shut up and made snoring sounds.
Howard said on top of all of that she's wearing a space man outfit. Howard said he was wondering when her titties were coming out. Howard said she's doing this monologue and he's wondering what the hell is going on. Howard said Katy did this bit about the Fyre music festival which was a disorganized mess. He said it happened back in April and no one knew what the hell she was talking about. Howard played another clip of her talking about that in a bit she was doing. No one was laughing.
Howard said it's like a little kid playing in her bedroom. Howard had a caller, Mark in Boston, on the line and he was throwing in comments while Howard was going through all of this.
Howard said that it was really bad. He wondered if anyone at MTV saw what was going on and noticed that it wasn't working.
Howard said that Gary has the picture of the guys in the Fallon shirts. Howard showed it to Gary and asked what he thinks. Gary took a look at it and said he guesses. Howard said Jimmy isn't wearing it actually. He said that's not the shirt. Howard said Bon Jovi is wearing it. Gary said that Kimmel and Fallon are wearing the same shirt. Howard said that was the joke that night. Gary said it's funny that they all took the time to get into the shirts.
Mark asked if Howard had to kneel down to get in the picture. Howard said that his head is cut off. Howard said the other guys must not care if they post it. Jason said they may not want to post it. He said he may want to talk about it off the air. Howard said Jimmy had to wear a cast on his hand because he had another surgery. Howard said he signed the cast. He said that must be what Jason is talking about. Howard said he was going to draw a big cock on the cast but he has kids so he didn't do it. Howard said he just signed his name on it.
Howard said he almost had a Sal moment with the cast. Howard said he doesn't think the guys care if he posts the picture. He said maybe it'll be the end of Bon Jovi's career. Howard said the shirt that Jimmy was wearing is the one that Bon Jovi is wearing. Howard said Fallon isn't wearing the shirt. Robin said they get it.
Howard said getting back to Katy Perry he wondered why they let her ramble on about the Fyre festival. Robin wondered why they didn't have a comedian host. Howard said they should have had her sing. Howard said that's what she does. Howard said they introduced this girl Julia Michaels on the VMAs and they cut her off in the middle of her performance. Howard said she's this girl who writes songs for other people like Sia does. Howard said she's now performing her own songs. Howard said that's what Sia did too.
Howard said this Julia Michaels gets up and sings her heart out and 40 seconds into it they cut her off and goes into a commercial. Howard said what an insult to this girl. Howard said you know that the guys in the control room just cut to commercial because she's not showing titty.
Howard said this Julia girl has written songs for people like Justin Bieber. He said she's singing her heart out and they cut her right off. Howard played a clip where they cut her off. They talked right over her as she's singing. Robin said that's like playing you off at the Oscars. Howard said they should have done that with Katy doing her monologue.
Howard said he's never heard singing like that. He said they just cut her right off. Howard said they introduce the upcoming acts over her singing.
Howard said he doesn't know Kesha's music but she's the one who tried to hug Seinfeld and he turned her away. Howard said she came out and talked about suicide prevention. Howard said it was a crazy program. Howard said what a buzz kill that was. Howard said maybe after Katy Perry's monologue people were trying to kill themselves. Howard said they cut off Julia Michaels and people were trying to kill themselves.
Howard played some of the Kesha speech where she's talking about suicide. Howard said you know the show is going horribly wrong when they have to remind you not to kill yourself.
Howard said Taylor Swift didn't even show up. She just sent her latest video. Howard said she was like ''Fuck you'' to them. Howard played more of the Kesha speech where she's talking about how if you never give up the light will break through the darkness. Howard said he's not sure what this broad is talking about. He said she's just not coming out and saying it.
Howard said he guarantees you that not one person who heard that changed their mind about suicide. Howard said it's serious stuff of course. Howard said she didn't show any titty either. Howard said it doesn't sound like she rehearsed reading that message either.
Howard said to top it all off some dude comes out and announces his name is Robert E. Lee and he's the great, great, great grandson of Robert E. Lee. Howard said it's like announcing you're Hitler the 5th. Howard said he was out there to condemn racism. He said he's a minister or something. Howard said he's against his great grandfather kind of thing. Howard said he had to tell the dummies who Robert E. Lee was because they're dumb. Howard played some audio of him making that speech.
Howard said it's weird that they have people like that on the show. They had Paris Hilton who is Michael Jackson's descendant and Robert Lee. Howard played the Robert Lee message about how he's against hate and racism.
Howard said this show is feeling like a telethon. Howard said that's why they had to do the suicide prevention thing in the middle of the show.
Howard made up other descendant names that could have been on that show. He was giving messages from people who were descendants of awful people. Then Mark threw in ''Hi, I'm Sal Governale.'' Howard asked Mark why he called in. Mark said he was having trouble with his dad because he's taking the car and his mom is afraid he's going to kill someone with the car. Howard said he knew a guy who they had to take the car from when he got too old to drive. Howard said you take the car away. Mark said then he'll call the cops. Howard said that's when you tell the cops what's going on. Howard said just have some friends dressed like cops. Howard asked how old the guy is. Mark said he's 84. Howard said buy him a bumper car and let him drive around in that. He said that or a golf cart.
Mark said fuck Jay Thomas because he owed his whole career to Howard. Howard said that's not right. He said he loved Jay. He said that he's taking Mark's keys away. Howard said he has to take a break and get Beetlejuice on the phone. Robin said she can't believe he's on the phone. Howard said he'll tell her why after the break. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard asked what's going on with Beet. Bobby said he's diabetic and he's taking insulin 3 times a day. Howard said he has diabetes. Howard asked Beetlejuice if he knows what that is. Beetlejuice said no. Howard said he's not supposed to eat sugar and soda. Howard said it's kind of sad when he's not in the studio.
Howard asked if he has number 1, 4 or 16. Beetlejuice said he has number 16. Howard said it's diabetes 16. Howard asked Bobby if he didn't want the responsibility of coming up there. Bobby said that it was his doctor that didn't think it was a good idea to travel. He said he's been diabetic for a while but it must have gotten worse. He said it used to be insulin once a day but now it's 3 times a day. He said he has to test his blood a few times a day. Robin said it was always complicated to travel but now it's worse.
Howard asked Beetlejuice if he cut out bad food and stuff. Beetlejuice said that he's not drinking anymore. No alcohol. Robin asked if he's drinking beer. Beetlejuice said that's out. He said he still drinks water. Howard asked if he drinks soda. Beetlejuice said no. Robin said he has to have some sugar or he'll crash. Howard said ''Robin please.'' Bobby said that's why his mom has to keep an eye on his levels.
Howard asked Beet if he has to lose weight. Beetlejuice said he lost 350 pounds. Howard asked if that's true. Beetlejuice said yeah. Howard said he has to take care of himself because he'd be so upset if anything happened to him. Beetlejuice said nothings going to happen to him.
Howard asked what he weighs now. Beetlejuice said he weighs probably more. Howard asked if he's hitting the gym and benching. Beet said he's benching 118.
Howard asked if Beetlejuice is going out at all. Bobby said it looks like he's not going to be making any appearances. Howard said it must be cutting into his bottom line. Bobby asked if anyone has Medicated Pete's number. Howard said maybe he can find a replacement for Beetlejuice. Howard said he had a thought. He said Beetlejuice should make a baby before it's too late. Howard said they can have Beetlejuice the 2nd. Howard asked Beet if he has any plans to have a baby. Beetlejuice said he doesn't know.
Howard asked Beetlejuice if he's upset he doesn't have a son to carry on his name. Beetlejuice said he doesn't know where he's at. Howard said he probably has kids he doesn't know about. Howard said he did drop a lot of seed. Robin said the fun is over for Beet.
Howard asked Bobby if he'll ever see him in studio again. Bobby said maybe once it's all under control he'll get up there. Bobby said Beetlejuice saw Howard at the Paul McCartney concert last night. Howard said it's tough talking over the phone.
Howard said that Bobby and Beet are still doing things. He said they have a game you play as Beet. He said it's called Beetlejuice: Bad as Can. Howard said it's Beetlejuice fighting the Nazis and stuff. Bobby said that it's like Mario and you fight people in it. He said it's free on android and iPhone. Howard asked how they make money. Bobby said they have ads in it.
Howard said it's not the same talking on the phone but it's still good. Howard said he misses Beet. Beetlejuice said he misses them too. Howard asked if he quit smoking too. Beetlejuice said he did. Bobby confirmed that. Howard asked if he's with the ladies. Beetlejuice said no. Beetlejuice said he's just hanging out.
Howard said he hopes that no one is shitting in his diaper. He said Dominic used to shit in it. Howard asked if he still hangs out with him. Beetlejuice said he's not hanging out with him anymore. Howard wished Beetlejuice luck and said you can download the game for free in the Android and Apple app stores.
Howard let Beet and Bobby go after that. They played a Beetlejuice song too. Howard said that's a song from happier times. He said that was a rough interview. He said he's still Beet though. Howard said he'll never turn him away from the show. Howard said he has diabetes and he needs their support.
Howard played the call and the guys kept calling in asking for them to play the goat song. The host said they're taking calls now. They kept calling over and over asking for the song. The host refused to play it so they called in getting more and more upset. The host took a call from a guy who said they know it's Howard Stern's people calling in. The host said that they don't have good listenership because people aren't going to pay for radio when they can get it for free.
Howard said what a horrible format that show is. Howard asked how many people could be listening if Sal and Richard can get through every time. Howard said that was weird. He said that people do pay for radio. He said the shit they get for free is like Swap Shop.
Howard said the guy was belligerent and didn't play the goat song but he did play it all of a sudden. He said it's just goat's singing the National Anthem.
Howard said hopefully that puts you in a better mood from the Beetlejuice news. Howard said he was going to ask about the diabetes but it was hard to communicate.
Howard went to break but Fred played a song with Richard Simmons clips in it and Howard brought up how he lost that case he had against the National Enquirer for saying that he was transitioning. Howard said that there should be something there. He said that he'd be pissed if they said he was transitioning. Robin said they won't write that about him. Howard said you don't have to be that hot to transition. Howard said you can look like him and transition.
Howard said he saw a guy who is transitioning and he's so hot that he's a professional model. Howard said that's fascinating to him. He said he was checking out her pictures. Howard said some guys can really pull it off. Howard said some guys look like the guy from the Garry Shandling show. Howard said he'd still look like a dude if he transitioned. Howard did his live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard said Sal got tricked when he went to the booths once. He said it was a guy in a dress. Sal came in and said it looked like a nice ass. He said the ass looked great and it looked like a woman. Sal said it turned out it was a guy. He said he thought it was a woman. Howard said he got tricked so he understands. Howard asked why they'd trick him. Sal said there's gay porn in the shuffle. He said that you can shuffle and you see stuff you don't want to see.
Sal said he'd like to know what a transgendered penis looks like. Howard said it's just your clit that gets big to about an inch. Howard said they can't give you a cock. Howard asked Sal why he wets his ass when he jerks off. Sal said he has done it a couple of times. Sal said he likes to masturbate with his ankles in the air. He said he likes the air wafting in his ass. Howard asked how he looks at porn. Sal said he didn't when he did that. He said he was on his back jerking off.
Howard asked if he does it so he feels like a woman. Sal said he doesn't. He said it's the cold air hitting his ass. Howard asked how he wet his ass. Sal said he licks his hand and wipes it on there. Howard asked if his hand stinks. Sal said he wets his ass with his hand and leans back and jerks off. He said Howard should try it. Howard asked if he fingers his ass. Sal said he once stuck a Water-Pik up there. He said he tried that.
Howard said it's good that Robin isn't giggling so Sal keeps talking. Howard said that's the same thing as fingering his ass. Sal said he has diddled around in the area but he's never stuck a finger up there. Howard said it would be so great if his kid walked in on him. Sal said he's saying he's sorry to his kids now. He jokingly said this is all scripted so it's not real.
Sal said that he saw this video where this woman with a cock was getting blown. He said that was another rough one. He said you have to be very careful when you masturbate. He said the shuffle thing is bad news.
Howard said he heard a story about him that he may not want on the air. Sal asked him not to go there.
Howard asked if Sal's wife was sick or something. Sal said his wife almost died. He said she had a kidney stone during the break and she woke up vomiting. He said they called the doctor and she thought she had a urinary tract infection. He said they had her come right to the hospital with the vomiting. He said they had to do it surgically. He said they said her blood count was off and if they had waited a day longer she could have died. He said the stone was lodged in her kidney and it caused an infection.
Howard said he heard Sal was hitting on the doctor. Sal said he knew one of the doctors and he thought his wife was in another room. Sal said he asked the doctor if she wanted a cup of coffee. He said that his wife heard him and called. Sal said she was right behind the doctor and the curtain. He said he was just being nice to her.
Benjy came in and said he went on a date with a transgender about 20 years ago. Howard said now he has his attention. Benjy said he met this person on a chat line phone service. He said there were women on it and all kinds of things. He said that he was talking to this woman. He said it wasn't a party line but you'd hear an ad and connect to the person. He said it was free.
Benjy said he was talking to this woman and they had a nice conversation. He said he went to her house in Brooklyn. Howard said it's so risky to do that.
Howard said Benjy is very flaky today. Benjy said he has something going on with his skin. He said it's not that uncommon. Howard said it's on his face though. Sal said he looks like a snow globe. He said it's like eyes stuck in a snowball. Benjy said his teeth match his face.
Benjy said he wasn't wearing his contacts that day. He said he went over and met this girl and she had to sneak him in for some reason. He said that she met him outside and told him to be quiet. Sal said she didn't want anyone to see Benjy. Robin said they're terrible.
Benjy said that this woman told him to meet her outside. He said this was before cell phones so they had to work it out before. He said her voice was kind of like that Chyna voice. Fred and Howard did the voice that goes from low to high and back.
Benjy said she had to sneak him in. The guys kept interrupting and goofing on Benjy. Benjy said this was in Brooklyn in a town house or something. He said she told him to be very quiet and it was in a rough neighborhood. He said she had to keep her parents from finding out. The guys kept goofing on Benjy and doing the Chyna voice.
Benjy said that he got into her bedroom and the girl was hot. He said that at the time it was hard to see because he didn't have his contacts in. He said at that point he was just excited. Robin said she looked like a blurry attractive woman. Howard wondered what he looked like to her. Sal said she took out her contacts too. The guys did the Chyna voice and had her talking about that.
Benjy said he was getting freaked out in her bedroom. He said they didn't kiss at all. He said they may not believe that. Howard said he believes it. Benjy said this just happens when you set up a hook up. He said there were dark satanic things in her bedroom. He said it was very freaky. Howard said he'd get the fuck out of there. Benjy said he was freaked out by that already. He said he had a weird feeling. He said he must have used his real name. He said she was saying that he's like a little kid and she's pretending to be his aunt.
Benjy said her shirt was off and his was off. He said she was caressing him and her tits were nice. He said the texture of her skin was weird. He said it didn't feel right. Howard said that's called chest hair. Benjy said they were about to make out and he suddenly realized it was a guy. Howard asked if he felt her pussy. Benjy said he just knew it was a dude. Benjy pulled back a second and said he got scared he was going to get killed. Howard asked if she was a big dude. Benjy said he was just thinking he was going to get killed. He said he was so freaked out.
Benjy said that he was afraid to say he was a guy. Fred did his Herman Munster voice and said ''I'm not a guy'' over and over and played smashing sounds. Benjy said he started crying a little bit and then said he has a girlfriend and he's cheating so he has to go.
Benjy said that he was freaked out when he went home. He said for years after that he would see her face. He said that any chick he was with he was really scared. He said he had to check if they were real women.
Howard said that he'd be scared to go to someone's home like that. Benjy said there is a rush about going to someone's house at night. Howard said it's like Jeffrey Dahmer. Howard said that story has a moral. He said that it's hard to be a trans. Howard said if Benjy won't fuck you then it has to be hard. Howard said it has to be hard for a trans to find love.
Howard said that maybe he should play some of the Benjy Facebook audio. Benjy said he used to go into projects in the middle of the night for the thrill. Howard said Benjy works on a radio show and they dig him but he has this thing where he has to prove he can do this stuff on his own. Howard said he's running around on Facebook with no plan. He said he looks bad doing it because it's not funny. He said he fucks that Transvestite and he'll watch.
Howard said Benjy is angry that he hasn't left there. Benjy said that he's angry that he hasn't done other things yet.
Benjy said that he used to do stuff for Howard TV. Howard said that you have to edit that. Benjy said he knows that. Howard said he has a good legacy there. Benjy said he's proud to work there but he also likes expressing himself. Robin said he's like a member of a band who wants to do a solo album. Howard said the solo albums never work out unless you're McCartney or Lennon. Howard said the guy has to go back to the band with his tail between his legs. Howard said that's like Little Steven going back to Bruce.
Benjy said there are things he wants to do that he can't do there. He said he'd like to do comedic type things or comedy. Sal said it's not funny though. Howard said it isn't funny. Benjy said it could be edited down to be funny.
Benjy said he wanted to go back and do a follow up at the Richard Simmons gate. Howard said they said no to that. Benjy said he knows that. Howard said that it wasn't funny enough and they did that already.
Howard said Facebook became this thing and people think they have talent to do shows. Howard said that Benjy is doing that on Facebook. Benjy said that they have a new feature where you can have another person on at the same time. Howard said he saw that on his Facebook. He said no one was coming on and then one guy comes on and he proves he can take a call. Benjy said he likes being able to do that. Howard said Benjy was doing this show. Benjy said he's just trying things out. Howard told him to try it out there at work. Benjy said he wants to do interviews. Benjy said he will interview someone for the show. Howard said they'll listen to it and tell him it sucks.
Howard went back and forth with Benjy for a short time about that stuff. Howard said go do whatever. Howard took a call from a woman who said that he has to get Benjy off the air. She said they've heard this all before. Howard said he thought the story about the Transsexual was good. He said he should have gotten him out. The woman said she hates Benjy and he has to go away. Benjy asked why she hates him. Howard said he thinks this is over now. He said that this isn't of interest to anyone. Howard said that he can go do whatever.
Howard said Benjy can go now. Howard said he's looking at him with those meatball eyes. Benjy said if he really wanted him to leave he wouldn't say it that way. Howard asked him to please leave. Sal took Benjy out with him when he left the studio.
Howard said he has some of Benjy's Facebook Live video. He said that he has to bust his balls over this. Howard said this is what he was watching. Howard played a clip of Benjy trying to talk to people on the street. Howard said this isn't how to get into radio.
Howard said this went on and on. He said he was in front of a restaurant and he's surprised they didn't call the police. Howard played some audio of Benjy in front of Two Bros Pizza. Benjy said they have an Illuminati symbol in the window. Howard said he's doing some bit there. Howard said he doesn't even know what he's talking about. He said he bets Jimmy Fallon's writers don't do this kind of stuff. Howard said maybe he's wrong. He said Boomer Esiason wants him to co-host with him.
Howard said that's as far into the show as he got before he turned it off. Howard said he didn't last long. Howard played a song parody about Benjy after that.
Howard said they just redesigned the studio and did a makeover. Howard said eventually people will see what it looks like. He said Benjy's chair is out of there permanently. He said he heard Benjy was freaking out about that. Howard said his seat is gone forever. Howard had a song parody about his seat being gone. Howard said they have a song parody for everything.
Howard said Walter Becker was 67. He said he always respected those guys. He said that he respected their musicianship but not their product so much. Howard said when Becker and Donald Fagen were at their height they wouldn't go on tour. Then 100 years later they're going on tour. Howard said they said they were too shy to tour back in the day.
Howard said Walter Becker was a great musician. Howard said he can respect what they did but he didn't enjoy their music. Howard said he isn't sure why Becker died. Robin said she saw them on stage and thought they were going to die on stage.
Howard read some stuff about the guys in Steely Dan and talked about what he remembered reading about them. Howard said Steely Dan was a dildo company that they named the band after. Howard said Gary and Jon Hein are really into the band. Howard said they know stuff like that.
Howard said that they sold over 40 million records. He said as a DJ who played music their music was a constant. Howard played some of ''Reelin' in the Years'' and how he can't stand that. Howard said it was very produced and he wasn't able to get into it. Howard played a song parody to the tune of that song. Howard played some of their other songs and said he just can't get into that stuff. He said it was like very complex and intelligent rock. He said he's trying to do a eulogy. He said it's hard.
Howard said he did like that song ''Kid Charlemagne'' though. He played a little bit of that. Howard said he likes the little Mikey song parody to the tune of ''Do it Again.'' Howard said they had some huge hits. He played ''Rikki Don't Lose that Number'' and said he can't stand that one either. He said he just played it so much. Howard played a song parody about Robin to that song.
Howard said Kanye West sampled ''Kid Charlemagne'' in one of his songs. Howard played that. Howard said there you go. He said it sounds like a guy talking over a song to him. Robin said it sounds like the MTV Video awards.
Howard said he liked some of their stuff that wasn't so mainstream. Howard said that he can't find one song on the ''Aja'' album that he likes. He said he tries to like it but he can't. He said that he hates that song ''Peg'' Howard played some and said he hates that song.
Howard said the song that he really hated was that song ''FM (No Static At All)'' that was in the movie ''FM.'' He said it was just awful. He said he hated that. He said try to watch that movie because it's awful. Howard said he went to the premiere and thought it was going to be great but it was just dumb. Howard talked about how it started and how dumb it was.
Howard said the DJs were upset that the owners were just obsessed with money and the DJs were there for the music. Howard said he was on the side of the owners in that movie. Howard said he's like ''fuck these guys'' when he saw that.
Howard went through other parts of that awful movie. He said he's seen porn that was better than that movie. He said it was such a disappointment.
Howard said Randy California taught Walter Becker how to play guitar. Howard said Gary would tell him stuff like that. Howard said he's so bothered that Gary is so into that band. Gary said Robin brought Jon Hein to see them in concert for his birthday. Howard said Robin has issues. Howard said that he doesn't like Jon Hein wearing that Pittsburgh outfit either. He said Gary isn't the only one getting shit.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing clips of Gary talking about Steely Dan. Howard asked taped Gary a few questions and the guys had Gary answering with clips. Howard said he's suddenly missing Benjy's Facebook video.
Robin asked if they can use that live. Howard said they can. He said that he has a catapult he can use to get Benjy out of the studio too. Howard said they also have an alarm that wakes Gary up when he falls asleep during the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they put Benjy's chair on the roof. Howard said he does sit on the roof now. The caller said the show moves at a better pace when Benjy isn't in there. Howard said the story about the transsexual was okay. The caller said that the walk of shame part of that story was the best. Howard said it wasn't even his story that was good. It was them busting his balls.
Howard said that he has other things in the new studio like the JD translator. He played a clip of JD mumbling and then it translated it into JD asking if Robin has any plans this weekend.
Howard said they were talking about JD going on a cruise to Canada. He said that they saw some pictures of JD up there. Robin said she likes the picture of JD on a rock. Howard said JD is on the boat and he goes ashore and he got hammered on social media about the picture.
Howard said he will read some of the comments about JD. Howard read some of the comments people made about how fat he is now. They were goofing on his clothes and how his pants were wet. Howard read through a bunch of those comments and people were shocked at how big he's gotten. Howard said someone said that looks like a guy who just had a banana for breakfast. Howard said JD was arguing with them on Twitter. Howard read the quote which was ''If insulting my looks and how I dress and how anyone could have sex with me and anything else helps you get through your Monday, so be it.''
Howard said that place JD is standing looks horrible. Howard asked where he was. JD said that was Peggy's Cove. JD said they just looked around at the views and stuff. He said they drove an hour out to that place. Howard said imagine taking the boat there and getting in a car to drive to see rocks. Howard said JD looks like he's asking ''Why did someone bring me here?''
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that he made her year with the Benjy news. She said that they know where everyone who leaves that chair ends up. She said they're out to sea. Howard let her go in the middle of her screaming.
Howard said that he has another new feature. It was a vibrating chair for Robin. Howard played the clip and Robin was talking and her voice was quivering from the chair. Howard said she likes it. Robin said he should turn it on during the news. Howard said Robin just squirted in Gary's eyes.
Howard said that he also put in the world's largest wind chimes for Robin in the studio. Howard played a clip. Howard said that's a little new studio humor.
Howard said someone asked about why JD would take a cruise to Canada. Howard said a lot of people liked hearing Shuli and Brent on the show. He said that was signed ''Shuli and Brent'' of course. Howard said people were saying that Brent was wrong about the weed helping with cancer. Howard said these people were saying it was fake news. Howard said it all sounded weird to him. Howard read some email about Shuli and Jay Thomas. Howard had a few things he read about Jay.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he read something about the Khaleesi getting nude for Game of thrones. Howard said she was willing to work nude and she was hired by HBO to do that. Howard said she must have said she wasn't going to get naked anymore. Howard said she was naked for one scene last season. He said he can't figure out what's going on. Howard said he did a whole bit about that yesterday with her agent calling HBO to tell them she's not getting naked anymore. Howard did the bit again for the caller.
The caller said that the body double is just as hot as her. Howard said that he'll throw that into the bit too. Howard kept going with the agent talking to HBO. He had them talking about how she shit out the dragon eggs. Howard had the HBO people saying they have a scene where she's going to 69 the little person. Howard had them trying to negotiate for these wacky scenes.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he's worn out. Howard stayed in character for a little longer coming up with more wacky stuff that they could have the Khaleesi doing in the show. Howard forgot her name so he had to ask Robin what it was. Robin said it's Emilia Clarke. Howard said he really has to go.
Howard said that there's some kind of Juggalos protest going on in Washington DC. Howard said he has to look up one of their videos. He said there's a song that they remade that's really good. He said it's a remake of that Christina Aguilera song 'You are Beautiful.'' Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard said he auctioned off a visit to the studio for the North Shore Animal League. Howard said the two women in there seem too classy. He said he's not sure how to get to them on his board. Howard figured it out. He said hello to the women who are fans of the show. Howard wasn't sure they would be fans. Howard asked if they're okay with raunchy language. They said they're fine.
Howard said they look kind of conservative. They both said they've been fans for a long time. They've been friends for about 15 years. Howard asked if the word ''cunt'' is okay. They said it's fine. Howard said they seem very classy to him. Howard said he should have Ronnie come in and talk to them. Howard said they seem nice.
Robin asked what they do. One woman said she's in the medical profession. Howard found out the other woman works with money managers. Howard said he doesn't understand the Sirius stock. He said the stock is still stuck at $5. He said he doesn't get it. He said when he does try to understand it he just can't.
Howard asked if the woman is wealthy. She said she wouldn't consider herself wealthy. Howard asked if they're single. Both of them are single. Howard said they seem like catches. Howard said men don't want bright women anymore. Howard asked if they're dating. They said not currently. Howard said he knows a guy named Benjy who is looking to date. Howard said they don't want him though. Howard said he hopes they enjoy the show.
Howard asked Obama how to fix what's going on in this country. He had a couple of crazy suggestions. Howard said he thinks they're done. He said he should have done this earlier in the morning. Howard had to ask fake Obama to repeat something but the guys had to replay the pre-recorded clips of Obama saying ''yes'' over and over.
Howard said he won't ask how much the women donated to see that. Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been listening to the show since he was 5 years old. Howard asked how long these women have been listening. The caller said he's been listening for 22 years. The women said they've been listening since 89 or 90. Howard did the math to figure out how long they had been listening. He figured it was like 28 years. Howard asked when they were last with a man. One woman said about 28 years. Howard asked how long it would take to get action from her. She said that she has some standards. Howard asked if it would be 2 weeks. She said maybe longer.
Howard said the women look like hostages in there. Robin said they look like they're studying Howard. Howard asked if that's what they're doing over there. Howard asked more about dating and if they would date younger men around 25. They both said ''sure.'' Howard said so would Robin. Robin said 25 is too old. Howard said he has to take a break. He asked Robin if she can do the news. Robin said she's ready. Howard said he may have one of the best song parodies ever coming up. He said that he was listening to this parody to the tune of ''Going up the Country'' and Robin is going to love it. Fred said the name of the song is ''Going Up Your Cunt Meat.'' Howard said it was sent in by a guy who calls himself ''Canned Meat.'' Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
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Howard said that he has this band Canned Meat who sent in the song parody about Robin. Howard played the song parody that was ''Going UP Your Cunt Meat.''
Howard said Robin better not tell him she's not laughing. Robin said she's not laughing. Howard said it's funny. Robin said the funniest thing about it is the name of the band. Howard said the two ladies over there are cracking up over there. They weren't laughing. They said it was great though.
Howard had the lead singer of the band Canned Meat on the phone. It was one of the guys in the back office doing a high pitched voice. He spent a minute talking to him.
Howard said it's time for news. Robin started off talking about Wendy Williams being in a bikini in the paper today. Howard said she was in Barbados and she was in a bikini. Robin said the storm must have blown her clothes off. Howard said she did lose quite a bit of weight. Howard said good for her.
Robin read a story about Rafael Nadal winning the US Open. Howard said he used to be into tennis but he doesn't watch anymore. He said Robin still does. Howard said Robin should play. Robin said she tried and she's terrible. Robin said it's much like Howard and chess. She said you get to a certain point and you know it will never be good. Howard said he knows what that's like. He said that he has kids beating him.
Howard said he has Lenny Dykstra on the phone looking for a date with the women. Howard picked up and had the guys playing clips of Lenny talking about how he'd suck their pussy. Howard said he apologizes for that. Howard said he's going to cut him off. They had Lenny talking about what he'd do with their pussies so Howard hung up.
Howard said Lenny was hitting on Lena Dunham on Twitter. Howard said Lena said she likes baseball players and Lenny was tweeting with her. Howard said she was flirting with him and then her friends told her to look him up and they ended up battling on Twitter. Howard said he comes on kind of strong.
Robin read as story about the new iPhone being unveiled today. Robin said it may cost $1000. Robin said it's a new benchmark for the price of an iPhone. Howard said he'll probably buy one. Robin said the price won't deter Howard. Howard said Apple always makes their stuff obsolete. He said that he wants them to keep innovating so he has to keep paying for it. He said they do have wireless charging. Howard said he thinks he knows what it'll do.
Howard said the thumbprint thing never worked for him on his iPhone. He said that the facial recognition may never work either. Howard asked the women sitting if it they're going to get the new iPhone. They said they're going to wait. Howard said he always thinks he's going to wait but he doesn't.
Howard asked Jon Hein if he's going to get the new phone. Jon came in and said that he has to see it. Howard said he's getting it. Jon said that $1,000 is a lot for a phone. Howard said he'd rather have a phone than pay that for Bruce Springsteen Broadway tickets. Jon said he really does have to wait to see the phone. Howard said Jon is going to get it. He said he'll be one of the first. Jon said he won't. He said he's sure they won't have them. Howard said he knows he'll get it.
Howard took a call from Tim Cook, one of the guys in the back, who was making a joke about how they have a new phone that's invisible but they won't sell it to fat guys in mom jeans.
Howard said he heard Jon was walking down the street knocking into people who were looking at the eclipse a couple weeks back. Jon said he was because people were standing in his way.
Jon also told Howard about the wireless charging and how that works. He said it's not what Howard thinks it is. Howard asked why they can't just have the sun power it. Howard said he'd wear something on his head with a solar panel on it. Jason came in and said that Samsung has had wireless charging for a long time. He said that every new phone he's gotten has been an Android. He said the innovation is over since Jobs died. He said you plug this thing in and leave it in the wall and you just put your phone on it and it charges. Howard said he hates plugging it in.
Howard said all the fat guys have the new technology. Howard said he's trying to lose weight so he doesn't have the time.
Howard said he's looking forward to the new iPhone. He said as long as it does something cool it's good. Jon said he uses the thumb print thing and it works fine. Howard said he has problems with his finger prints. He said it's weird but they've kind of worn out. Howard said he's not bull shitting. He said a friend he has is a cop and they finger printed him and it failed. He said they can't read his finger prints. Gary said Ronnie has the same issue. Howard said he thinks that's why it doesn't work for him. Jon said he should love the facial recognition then.
Howard asked the women if they think it's shocking how bad he looks. They said no. Howard said he got a hair cut the other day. He said he has to fix himself up a bit.
Howard said he was bummed because Jimmy Kimmel is coming to do shows in Brooklyn next month. He said he's not sure why he does that. Gary said his family is from Brooklyn. Howard said he'd never go back to Roosevelt to do shows. He said Jimmy was barely in Brooklyn. He said Jimmy said no pressure but if he wants to do his show in Brooklyn... Howard said he's a perfect friend other than that. He said if he never asked him to be on it he'd be the perfect friend. Howard asked how he can say no to that. Robin said he just had Jimmy sit in for 2 days. Howard said when you say there's no pressure there is pressure. Howard said Jimmy comes to his house and says ''no pressure.'' He said that's the opposite of what it means. He said his pressure is exactly that. Howard said it is pressure. Jon said he is one of his closest friends. He said he could say something. Howard said he can't do that. He said it's not worth it. Howard said he found out who he has booked already and told his agent to tell him the day he could do it is a day that's booked. Howard said he knew he was off the hook. Howard said then they moved the bookings around. Now he has to go do the show.
Howard said he has no audience because he doesn't want anyone seeing him. Howard said these ladies know. He said their names are Kim and Sarah. Howard said they can see what he's dealing with. Howard said he used to be just ugly. Now he's old and ugly. Howard said he feels bad enough about himself. He said he's going to do it for Jimmy though. Howard said last time they chased him with torches and pitch forks.
Howard said he was going to come out and just wear a bag on his head. Howard said the ladies liked that. Robin said that he makes things all about him. Howard said he does and he knows it's not good. Howard said there is no gene in him that stops that. Robin said it's a sad thing. Howard said Jon isn't exactly camera friendly and he's on TV every night.
Howard asked if Kim and Sarah saw him and thought he was a 10 or a 1. Kim said at least a 7. Sarah said he looks younger than she thought. She said he's a 7. Howard said he's a 4. She said no. Howard asked what Jon Hein is. they didn't answer. Howard had Benjy come in to get judged too. Kim didn't want to give a number. Howard said they wanted to give a negative number. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said they just learned that he's a 7. Howard said that's kind of empty because he has nothing to compare it to. Howard said he doesn't know what Gary or Fred are. Howard asked what George Clooney is. They said he's like a 15. Howard said he's really a 2. Howard said George is a 30 and he's a 7. Howard asked about Steve Bannon. Howard said he looked odd in that interview. They said he looks like a 1. Howard said he understands now.
Robin read a story about Vikings but not the football team. Robin said this is Vikings in history. Howard said he won't study that in history. He said their outfits were stupid. Robin said she's fascinated by that. Howard told Gary to text Beth and let her know he's a 7. Gary said it's done. Robin read about Vikings and how they have used DNA evidence to determine where some bones came from that were found in the 1880s and it turns out this was a woman warrior.
Howard told Gary not to tell Beth that Clooney is a 15. Howard said that really ruined it.
Robin read a story about Trump talking about ending the DACA thing. Robin said now Cher has said she's going to take some dreamers into her home to protect them. Robin said she wrote that people who can should take them into their homes to protect them. Howard said he's all for them staying here but he's not taking any into his home. Howard said cats yes, dreamers no. Howard said he's sure that these dreamers are not in her house, they're in the guest house. Howard said she has to come clean with that.
Robin read a story about Beyonce and Janet Jackson showing up in Houston to observe the damage there. Robin said they had pictures of Beyonce giving out food to people. Howard said that's cool. He said that she doesn't have to do that. Robin said they're just doing it for publicity. Howard said feeding people is nice. He said meeting Janet is nice too. Robin said that they got to meet Beyonce too.
Robin read a story about Kristen Bell going to a shelter in Florida to sing to people. Robin said that she's filming a movie down that way so she was out there doing that. Robin had some audio of Kristen singing. Howard said that's exactly what you want when you're homeless and hungry. Fred played clips of Robin singing. Howard said maybe that would turn his image around. Robin said Kristen was helping people find hotel rooms down there too.
Howard said he's going to go sing some rock songs in the next disaster. Robin said they have to get out there and do that quickly.
Howard played a bit they did with the Wack Packers. They had Shuli call High Pitch Erik with a message about the hurricane and pass it along to Big Foot. Erik did an awful job at passing it on. Then Big Foot called ''Medicated Beast (Pete)'' and had him pass it along. Big Foot told him to pass along a message but he didn't have any of it. He told Pete to pass it along though. It didn't get any further than that.
Robin read a story about how there are lines around the block for Hillary Clinton's book tour launch. Robin said she's signing books today in Union Square.
Robin read a story about a 56 year old guy who died from the complications from his exposure to toxic chemicals at ground zero on 9/11. Howard said he knows a lot of people who were exposed. Howard said these guys are struggling from this and they're such brave guys. Howard said it makes him sick. Robin said there are still deaths occurring from 9/11.
Robin said Irma wasn't as bad as they said it was going to be but it was bad. Robin said the Keys and many other areas are really bad. Robin said that a bunch of people died and 7 million are still without power. Robin read about the deaths and how there are still heavy winds and rain in the south today. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he gets manicures. Howard said he has tried it. He said he had to stop after a few times. Howard said he used to have someone come to his house. He said she figured out who he was and she asked for more money. He said she was fine with what she was paid until she found out who he was. Howard said he put a stop to that. He said he went to see another person and this woman was in the shop and her phone went up. Howard said he was getting this work done on his hands and feet and he knows this girl is taking his picture. He said he was going to walk over there and say something. He said he didn't go there for a photo session. He said he could have been wrong so he didn't do it. He said he just knew she was taking his picture. Howard said two days later they have his picture in the NY Post. He said she sold that picture. He said he'd use the C-word but he didn't do that out of respect for his guests. The caller was talking about getting manicures but Howard hung up on him and asked who cares.
Robin read more stories about Hurricane Irma and what's going on in Florida. She said the four Disney parks are all opening up today.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he's on his way to T-Mobile to get his iPhone X. He said that he has one on reserve. He said he's going to take a video of himself holding it. King said he just has to have it. Howard said there you go, King is going to have it. Howard said give him a review when he gets it. King asked how he likes the Airpods. Howard said he doesn't. He said he got rid of them. He said he got a Beats wireless headphone thing. King said they still have wires though. Howard said the Airpods fall out of your ears. King said all you have to do is put them in straight and curved down. Howard said he has to go. He hung up on King.
Howard took a call from a guy who said maybe Beyonce can go down to Florida and buy sneakers for those looters down there. He used the N-word a few times in that discussion. Howard said come on now we're trying to all get along now. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said there's a telethon tonight to raise money for victims of the hurricanes. Robin said it'll be on a bunch of networks and on the web. Robin read about some of the people who will be there on the telethon.
Robin read about how Larry David is going back to Curb Your Enthusiasm. Robin had some audio of him talking to Jimmy Kimmel about the show. Robin had a few clips for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about how sitting for hours can kill you. Robin said a study was done and they say that it's a significant risk factor for all causes of death.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said they haven't shipped the phones yet so King of All Blacks isn't getting one. He said that Lawrence the Garbage Man isn't getting an iPhone X. Howard said he's saying there's no way he's getting one. He said it took Ralph to figure that out.
Howard asked if the ladies are fans of Ralph. They said they are. Ralph asked if he's an 8. Howard said he's a 10. Howard asked if that's it for today. Robin said she's done. They wrapped up with Kim and Sarah and ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about the big show they have this morning. He said he just drank his coffee. He said he didn't check his Sip & Win cup. He checked and said he didn't win today. He said he did get a coupon for another 80 cents off though.
Howard took a call from a guy who did his ''Whoop, whoop'' thing. Howard said that it's actually spelled with a T. Robin said they figured out it was a P. Howard said it's ''Woot.'' Fred said he thinks so too. Robin said no. Howard said it is a T. Howard said it's ''Woot, woot.''
The caller asked what Howard thinks about Jim Carrey and the interview he did over the weekend. Howard said it was funny. He said that guy is the best talk show guest. Howard said this guy is so bright. Howard said the caller is referring to an interview he did at an event. Howard said he is at some fashion event. Robin said it was a Harper's Bazarre event. Howard said he was there and this very attractive woman is interviewing Jim and you don't know what it's going to be for. He said she asked Jim what the event means to him. He said Jim said he was looking for the most meaningless event he could find and that's what he found there. Howard said Jim must have been thinking that if she doesn't laugh he's going to move on. Howard said she may not have a very good mind. Howard said she looks at him like ''What do you mean?'' and then he starts yanking her chain. Howard said he thinks this is what Benjy is going for on his Facebook page and he's not quite getting it.
Howard had the clip and he said it's so brilliant. Howard said the woman wasn't laughing and she was kind of insulted by it. The caller said he couldn't get into it. Howard said maybe they didn't explain it. Howard said Extra is for idiots. Howard said that's not a high brow show. He said of course they're going to think Jim is insane at this event.
Howard played the clip of Jim acting very odd. He talked about how meaningless the event is and then the reporter is saying that they're celebrating icons so he should be happy to be there. Howard said Jim was looking for someone who gets satire. Jim was talking about the icon thing with the reporter and she was being very serious about it. Jim was just joking around. Howard said he was all over the place. Jim said he doesn't believe in icons or personalities. Howard said he sees she's just no fun and he has to move on to another hot chick.
Howard said whenever he sees Jim on an awards show he kills. He said he always puts effort into what he does. Howard said he appreciates it. He said this is what Benjy is trying to do but nothing happens. He said he should study this like it's his bible.
Robin said Benjy starts off wrong and yesterday he was asking what he wants him to do. Howard said no one is telling Jim what to do. He said there was no interview that was interesting until Jim showed up. He said he says he found the most meaningless thing on the planet there at that event. Howard said those words are carefully crafted. He said they're not just bullshit.
Howard said he went to a fashion show and said he was just wandering around and found it. Howard said Benjy thinks this is what he's doing too. He did an impression of Benjy.
The caller asked if Benjy can go back on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said Benjy can be on this show. Howard said he did enjoy Jim on the red carpet. Howard said it was one of the funniest things he's ever seen.
The caller asked to be left on hold because his car was in an accident and he has no radio. Howard said he has to free up the lines. Howard said people used to do that and he had everyone on hold at one point. Howard said it's like having a studio audience.
Howard said someone wrote in and asked for a whole hour of that. Robin said they can do a whole special about her taking her clothes off. Howard said maybe he can recreate it again today.
Howard got back into the agent and head of HBO negotiation thing. Howard said he should have recorded what he did last night. He said he was laying in bed doing it. He said he could probably do an hour of it but people would get bored with it.
Howard said the idea is that the head of HBO is pissed and he had a conversation with George R.R. Martin and they're talking about the things that the Khaleesi would have to do during the season of Game of Thrones. Howard was doing the voice of her agent and the head of HBO. Howard was making up crazy stuff that they would ask her to do. Howard had the agent and Plepler arguing right from the start. He was making up a whole conversation between the two about what to do with the Khaleesi on other shows. They were talking about having her show up on House of Cards with her dragons. Robin even got into the arguing as if she was on the phone.
Howard asked for a name for the agent. Howard said maybe Marty Gold. Howard said Seymour Ishkabible. Howard stuck with Marty Gold.
Howard had the two fighting over the Khaleesi. Robin said she's supposed to have one breast bare at all times. Howard had Marty telling Robin to shut up. Robin said the more they talk the more naked she's going to be.
Howard had Marty talking about how he represents Benjy Bronk too. He had Marty representing Human Newman and Rhea Perlman among others. He said he also represents the dog from Seventh Heaven.
Howard kept going for a while with the voices. He had Marty and Plepler talking about other things Khaleesi could do instead of that part. He had Marty telling Plepler that she's going to play an astronaut so she's covered up completely. Robin said she can't call herself the Khaleesi. Robin said he's saying the Khaleesi is doing this and that but she can't call herself that.
Howard had Marty saying she's going to play an Eskimo on the WB. He had her playing Cousin It in the Addams Family remake too. Howard said he doesn't want to keep doing this the whole time.
Howard said some people were upset with Jon Hein knocking people over during the eclipse. He said he was elbowing people at fast food restaurants and things like that. Howard said yesterday he described that people were blocking his way home on the street during the eclipse so he was bumping them out of his way. Howard said he might need a therapist. Howard read some email about that.
Howard said Jon refuses to move in the elevator there in the building. He said he's like a tubby Godzilla. Howard said someone said they would have fed Jon their elbow over that.
Howard read about JD's cruise and said that people didn't understand why they were making fun of why people would go to Canada. Howard said it seems weird to go to Canada when you can just fly there or even drive. Howard said if you get on a boat you want to go to the Bahamas or something like that. Howard said if you see the picture of JD you see him looking out at the water on a rock. He said it seems kind of weird to do that when he could have been in the Bahamas. Robin said the boat didn't even bring him to his destination. He got in a car and drove there.
Howard said no one lives up there. He said there's a reason for it. He said there's no reason to visit. Howard said JD was acting like he climbed Mt. Everest standing there in Canada. Howard said he drove there, took a picture and then leaves. Howard said that's an enormous waste of time.
Howard said they were thinking about Canada or Eerie Pennsylvania and they went to Canada. Howard said if you go on a cruise you go somewhere warm and luxurious, not Canada.
Howard said he's gone on a cruise but he went somewhere nice. He said he brought the kids with him. JD said people go to Alaska too. Howard said he knows that but JD got out of his apartment and he went to Canada. JD said she wanted to go there. Howard said he hears it. Howard said he doesn't want to hear from Canadians either.
Robin said JD could have driven a half hour from his house to see something like he saw in Canada. Howard said they have lighthouses there in New York but no one visits them.
Howard read more email about JD and people were telling him that they love him no matter what he says. Howard said he loves JD and that's why he's doing this.
Howard said JD went to Peggy's Cove and no one has ever heard of that. Howard said maybe it's Piggy's Cove. Howard said it was a giant rock.
Howard read an email about JD that wasn't so positive. They said he looks like a beached walrus in that picture. Howard said someone asked how he gets a girl looking like that. Howard read one email about how they have a shortage of McDonald's fish filets up there since JD visited.
Howard said they asked JD not to come back and signed it ''Peggy's Cove.'' Howard asked where he's going on his honeymoon. He said he may want to consult him on that. JD said he'll definitely do that. Howard said they just want to go where there's all rocks. Howard said they're going to a rock quarry. JD said they may go to England. Howard said that's a Netflix special. He said imagine JD in England. Howard said he'll go there or a salt mine. Howard did his JD impression talking about where they might go.
Howard said people liked Benjy telling his story about the transsexual but he always over stays his welcome and ruins it. Howard said someone said he should have toughened up and finished with that transsexual. Howard said someone said they think Benjy is their favorite Wack Packer. Howard said they say he's a horrible story teller. Howard said someone said they would double their Sirius fees if they got rid of Benjy.
Howard said people were upset that Beetlejuice wasn't feeling too good. Howard said someone said it's the end of Beet and not very good on the phone. Howard said don't count him out. He said they're going to get him back in shape. Howard said someone said they learned a lot from Beetlejuice when he said water is okay to drink with Diabetes.
Howard said fans love Robin singing. Howard said Jillian Barberie said that she could listen to Robin singing show tunes all day. Howard said she's a super star and she's saying that. Fred played some of Robin singing ''Hallelujah.'' Howard said Jillian is touching herself now hearing this.
Howard said someone suggested that they sell Robin songs as ringtones. Fred played a few more clips of Robin singing various songs. Howard said she's some performer. Fred had her singing rock songs, opera, TV show themes and more. Howard said Marty Gold is on the phone for Robin. He did his agent voice and said she's willing to work nude. Fred kept playing clips of Robin singing. Howard said that's enough showing off.
Howard said Robin is doing a residency now. He said JD should play that stuff on a rock up in Canada. Howard asked if JD knows what's going on there. JD said he gets it.
Howard said people wrote in about King of All Blacks and how he shouldn't take his calls anymore. Howard said people wrote in about Robin watching Game of Thrones again. Howard said he was watching the raising of the money for the hurricane relief. Howard said it was very serious because all of the networks covered it. Howard said he knew that it was serious because Selena Gomez wasn't wearing makeup. He said if you want to convey seriousness then you don't wear makeup. Robin said that's considered very brave. Howard said it's to show that it's very serious.
Howard said Oprah and Cher were holding hands. Robin said Justin Bieber was on the phones too. Robin said she wondered if she called if she could get Oprah. Howard said it was weird because it was a pecking order. He said when they went to the phone bank they had a show business order. Oprah was in front and getting to read a lot of stuff off the teleprompter. Howard said they have a definite pecking order.
Howard said Oprah got in front. Gary said Barbra Streisand was in front too. Gary said George Clooney was in front with Julia Roberts and they were passing phones between each other. Howard said that they must have fucked at some point. Howard said the two of them go out of their way to have chemistry.
Gary said they had 3 different cities with phone banks. He said it was L.A., New York and Nashville. He said he didn't recognize many in Nashville but he did in New York. He said they had a lot in New York. He said David Spade was in the second row behind the Streisand types. Howard said he should have been right up front. Gary said he was actually right behind Clooney and Julia Roberts. Howard said Spade should have sat on Oprah's lap.
Robin asked if anyone was joking around with Oprah. Howard said she's royalty. He said she gets to read. He said Oprah and Cher got to hold hands.
At this point in the show my radio went silent for a couple of minutes. When my radio came back they were in commercial. I checked the Sirius app and it cut out at the same point so there was some kind of technical problem at SiriusXM.
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Howard came back and asked if he's on. He asked if Robin is there. Robin was there too. Howard said the equipment blew up in the middle of the show. Howard said maybe it was the North Koreans or something. Howard said he's in another studio now. He said this is the Black Cloud studio (Scott the Engineer's studio). He said he and Fred are hunkered down in there. He said if it sounds different then that's why. He said he has no control over anything in there. He said Fred looks like he's in a panic. He said he's completely stripped down.
Howard said they have this guy Thom working on the equipment. Howard said the whole thing just blew up. He said it went dead. Robin said all the lights went out. Howard said the guys are trying to fix it now. He said until then he's in there completely naked with Fred. He said he can see Fred up close. Robin said it must be very uncomfortable.
Howard said the guys are working in the main studio now. He said that he doesn't need to see it. He said in the old days he'd freak out but now he just accepts it. He said it's the first time it's ever happened there. Gary said they've been there almost 12 years. Howard said he's never seen it happen.
Howard said he suspects that something happened during the renovation of the studio. He said maybe something got gonked. He said hopefully they'll get back to their studio soon. Howard said Insane Clown Posse is coming in soon and he hopes he can back in the studio. Howard said he has played every commercial they needed to so far. He said he can do some live reads though.
Howard said that he has to get back to the telethon thing too. Robin said they raised 44 million with that. Howard said he applauds them for that. Howard said he did fast forward through a lot of it. Howard said everyone did an inspirational song during the show. Gary read the list of songs they covered.
Howard asked who the girl was that sang that he had never heard of. Gary mentioned her name, Tori Kelly, and said she's one of Scooter Braun's people.
Howard and Gary were talking about who was at the telethon and where they were sitting. Howard said he was wondering where they'd stick him if he was there. Gary said that the kid Miles Teller was in the back and Craig Robinson was there in the second row. Gary said he figured that Miles was the bigger celebrity. Howard said he'd be afraid of going there and getting stuck in the back. He said you know you have to check your ego at the door but that's how he's thinking.
Howard said that Cher and Barbra Streisand were in the front row. Howard imagined Barbra's people telling them that they have to stick her in the front row or she won't come. Howard was doing his impression of the agent telling them that she has to sit in the front row, center. Howard had the agent arguing with the head of the telethon for a couple of minutes. He had the agent arguing about where to sit her and where to sit other people around her.
Gary said they had Andy Cohen in the third row in New York. Howard said that he was probably fine with that but he must go home and feel kind of deflated. Howard said he's not sure where they would have sat him. Gary said Jay Leno was sat in the second row in L.A. Howard had the agent laughing about that.
Howard said if he went there he's sure he couldn't ask not to be sat in the third row. Howard said it's like going to a Knick game and getting in the front row. Howard said he sits in the front. He said he went to a charity event at the Apollo and he sat in the second tier and he said he'd never go again. Gary said Howard didn't like where he sat at Ed Bradley's funeral. Howard said he was pissed about that. He said people were being ushered to the front who were barely in show business. Howard said some of them were family so he understands that. Howard said he was sitting with people that were very embarrassing.
Howard said he's all for the $44 million that they raised on the telethon. Robin read about who came up with some of the money.
Gary said Jay Leno's hair is completely white and Al Pacino is even older and his hair is completely black. Howard said they should have sat them together.
Howard said he was hyper focused on what was going on during that show. Howard said they should get the seating chart. Gary said that Faith Hill was second row in Nashville. Howard said in New York she'd be 4th row. Howard said that she was probably booked in the 4th row in New York and moved to Nashville to get in the second row.
Howard said that Cher wore makeup but Selena didn't. Gary said there were some who weren't wearing makeup.
Howard said that he would love to hear the negotiations for the telethon. Howard said you can't appear to care but he thinks that Barbra Streisand cares. He said they have to figure out where she's sitting.
Howard did his Agent and Network guy arguing bit again with Streisand's people and the Telethon people. Howard was arguing about where to sit Streisand and others.
Howard was wondering if there were any tissues in there because his nose is running. He said he has a wad of them in his other studio.
Gary said that Scooter got up and spoke last night too. Howard asked who knows who he is. Howard asked if Streisand talked. The guys said she didn't. Gary said that Pacino spoke and he was acting like he had never seen any of what he was reading.
Robin read some of the names of people who were there at the telethon. Howard was doing his Marty Gold voice and asking who the fuck these people are. He was still talking about Miss Streisand and why she has to sit in the front row. He kept going for a few more minutes talking about these other celebrities and why they didn't deserve to sit by Miss Streisand.
Gary said that Adam Sandler was behind Sofia Vergara. He said even Tyler Perry was up front. Howard said that Billy Crystal was next to Cher.
Gary had a picture that he showed of some other celebrities like Daniel Craig and Lupita Nyong'o sitting next to each other. Howard's agent guy went off on that seating position too.
Gary said Tom Hanks and his wife got to talk. Howard asked where they sat. Gary said they just talked. Howard said Barbra didn't bring James Brolin with her. Howard had Marty Gold going off on them about that too.
Howard said he hears that his studio is back up. He said he could go back or stay in there and do a show just fine. Robin said Stevie Wonder had a full choir there with him. Howard said he did. Gary said that they had network unity going on so they had people from different networks together. Howard did more of his agent bit and went off about that.
Gary said Jeremy Renner was in the back row at the telethon. Howard said Tracy Morgan was in the back row.
Howard said none of the women were wearing titty outfits. He said they were dressed like nuns. Gary said Gwen Stefani got to talk. Howard said she's on NBC so she gets to do that. Howard asked who she was with. Gary didn't remember. Howard said she should have showed up with Gavin from Bush. Howard said he should do a live commercial and then go back to his studio. Howard did the live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said it feels different. Howard said they had some problems earlier and now he's back in his studio. He said it sounds different. He said the compression feels like it's off. He had Thom check it.
Howard asked what happened. Thom said that a CPU module may have failed. He said it was either that or the DSP module. Howard said thank god for people like Thom.
Howard took a call from a woman who was calling from the Virginia Beach area. Howard said he had no idea where she was at. Howard said he knows nothing about Virginia. He said his dad brought him there once and he bought a clay pipe. He said he eventually got into smoking pot and used it for that and then threw it out.
The caller said she loves Howard but he has to be out of it thinking he should have been in a different seat at a funeral. Howard said he was fine sitting where he sat. It was a joke. The caller also said she had to talk about King of All Blacks. She said whenever she hears him her skin crawls. She said she doesn't know a lot of blacks like him and she hates him with a passion.
Howard moved on and took a call from a woman who said she's turned on by Thom. Howard took the call and the woman said she was hoping to apply for an internship there. Howard said he thought she enjoyed Thom. He hung up on her. Howard asked if that was the chick who digs Thom. Howard asked if he can go home yet.
Howard found the caller that he was looking for. It was one of the guys in the back doing a female voice saying she was turned on by Thom. Howard had Thom explain what went wrong so the woman could get off. Howard said women are finally wising up. He said Scott never got a call like that.
Howard said Insane Clown Posse will be there soon. Robin said she's glad they're back in the studio for them. Howard said it would be shameful to put them in a shitty studio.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call to play. He said he also wants to complimenting Howard 101 on the phony phone call special they played. Howard said they did a whole day of phony phone calls on Labor Day. Howard said he didn't see any email about that. Fred said he didn't see any either. Howard said he was thinking he'd see an avalanche of email. Fred said they didn't get it. He said he got one that stuck out about Gary's favorite phony phone call being one about himself. Gary said that he didn't make the call, it was drops of him. Howard said it was about Gary though.
Howard said no one asked what his favorite call was. Robin said she wasn't asked either. Robin said she liked the two Chinese restaurants on the phone with each other. Howard said he liked one that Kidd Chris did where he pranked George Takei as Ricardo Montalban.
Howard said he tried to get in touch with Kidd Chris and he tried to get in touch with him 7 times and it didn't work. He said he had to give up.
Howard said this new phony phone call stars Robin who calls into the Angry Political Guy to debate Syria. Howard said he gets so pissed off at Robin. Howard said Captain Janks was upset that none of his calls were played. He said they are big fans of his though. He said it's hard to get to them all.
Howard played the call and Angry Political Guy took a call from Robin who asked what his solution is for Syria. Angry Political Guy went off on that and had some thoughts on that. The guys played clips of Robin talking about bombing them and arguing with Angry Political Guy. He called her a piece of shit and said she has wax between her ears. They had Robin masturbating to him and he gets poised and hangs up on her.
Howard said there was so much sexual tension between them. Howard had fake Angry Political Guy on the phone and talked to him about how disrespectful he was to her. Howard went off on him for a minute. Fake Angry Political Guy went off on Thom too. Howard said Thom is an innocent in all of this. Howard let Fake Angry Political Guy go a short time later.
Howard said that Thom is the glue that holds the show together. He said that he should call himself Tom and not Thom. Howard said he is the only human being who is known as Thom. Thom said he knows someone else who does it. He said his friends started that in high school and it's been going on for years now.
Howard said he doesn't buy that he had friends in high school. He said he was a scary loner. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he has Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J in the studio with him now. He said they're his two favorite guests. Howard said they always have their clown makeup on. Howard greeted them with a ''Whoop, whoop.'' Howard said they say it all the time but he wondered how it started. The guys said there's no official spelling of it. Howard said America needs closure. Shaggy said it's probably a P at the end. Howard said that in their songs they reference Juggalo so they must have invented that. The guys said they didn't even start that. They brought it up in songs after the fans came up with it.
Howard said that the world knows how they came about. He said it must be 99 percent of the world. Howard asked them how that happened for the other 1 percent. Howard said they didn't come up rich. They said they didn't come up raised rich. They said Howard has helped them out a lot. Howard said they have sold a lot of albums. J said that they're not even sure how many they've sold. He said they have a lot of doubters.
Howard said they have to get this all out on the table. Howard said he hopes they can hold up to his intense questioning. Howard said Violent J is half the size he was. Howard asked if he had a stomach stapling. J said he wishes he had something inspiring and fresh to say. He said that it's a lot of starvation. He said he's eating what he always ate but he's barely eating. He said that you take the whole concept of food and just delete it and you lose the weight. He said it's not something you get to enjoy anymore. He said you just forget about it and it's gone.
Howard said it's portion control. J said it's just enough to live and survive. Howard said sex and eating is important to him. J said you just block out the sex thing when you're in prison.
Howard said J used to be fat. He said they got started as back yard wrestlers and they used to sell hot dogs there. Howard said that he's taking it old school. Robin asked what made them wrestle. They loved wrestling. Howard said J weighed like 450 pounds and Shaggy was too skinny to wrestle him. J said he got fat with gluttony and the ability to buy food when he wanted it. He said he ate anything.
Robin asked why J lost the weight. J said that he was uncomfortable. He said fat people are treated differently. He said they treat you shitty. He said you get a cold feeling from people. Howard asked if he stands up for fat people now. J said he is fat and he'll be fat again. He said it's something in his genes. Howard asked how he looks naked. J said he looks like he's wearing a pasty white garbage bag so it doesn't look good. J said he bathes in silk soaps and stuff.
Howard said he wants to discuss this. He said Insane Clown Posse has tremendous fans and they go to The Gathering and they listen to their fans and all of that. Howard said in 2011 the Juggalos were classified as gangs by the FBI. Howard said they called for a march on Washington. Shaggy said they thought it was funny at first. J said now it's very fucked up. Howard asked what's fucked up. J said that the punishment of being in a gang is fucked up. He said people are being rejected from getting into the Army and stuff. Shaggy said one woman was fired for being a Juggalo. Shaggy said they're losing kids and stuff too. He said that they get pinched for a curfew and they get in trouble for being in a gang.
Howard said the guys in the FBI are hard working but maybe it's possible that the Juggalos have started gang activity. Shaggy said of course but that's out of millions of people. J said that you can be in court fighting for custody and they can call you out for being a gang member. He said there's no cavalry because of who they are. He said they're clowns. He said it's not fucking funny when you take millions of people and criminalize them for what kind of music they listen to.
J said they have to do this march because they have to get people to recognize it. Howard said they picked a date that's going to be conflicting with a Trump Rally. Howard said it's a pro-Trump rally and they're going to be lumped in with that. Howard said they are going to be marching for the Confederate flag and they aren't for that. Shaggy said they're going to go there and do what they're going to do. He said they're not going to be intertwining with that.
Howard asked if they're going to clash with the other rally. Shaggy said no. He said that's unless someone fucks with them. Howard said that they've become political. The guys said they really haven't. They said they just want this to be fair.
Howard asked if they are going to have some kind of special chant or anything. Shaggy said they might have their own stuff but he didn't make it up. He said the fans make that stuff up. Howard said anyone who is a Juggalo is going to show that they're not a gang. J said they have no idea how many are going to show up. They have never done this before and they'll never do it again.
Howard said maybe they can have the slogan ''Juggalo Lives Matter.'' Shaggy said that one is already taken. J said that this is very controversial and this is happening because it's clowns. He said it's really not funny. Shaggy said they're not getting support from anyone else either. He said that it's not about them. He said it's about rights. They're being targeted for what they listen to.
J said they had a wish list of 100 people or so who they sent letters to ask for support. He said it was everyone and Dee Snider accepted. Howard said that's great. He said Dee used to testify with Congress about the labels on albums.
Howard said they sent out these 100 letters and they heard back from Dee and who else. J said everyone turned them down other than Dee. Howard asked who they sent them to. They sent them to Rage against the Machine, Eddie Vedder and others. J said they sent it to Willie Nelson and everyone who has ever stood up for something. Howard said he figured Neil Young would stand up for them. Shaggy said not for them. J said if they get away with this then what's next?
Howard asked if the guys saw the movie ''It.'' Shaggy said he did and it was great. Howard said he sees it's making a lot of money. Howard said he figured they'd show up on the soundtrack. Shaggy said he doesn't think that they had any music in it. Howard said he's afraid to watch the movie. Shaggy said it's just a movie. Howard said that shit scares him. J said he's the same way.
Howard said he saw Shaggy dancing in their latest video. Shaggy said that wasn't him. J said he's actually a good dancer. Shaggy said he isn't a dancer. He doesn't go out dancing. Howard said it would be great if they were on Dancing with the Stars. Shaggy said he'd be out before the first dance. Shaggy said they were going to be on the show but they canned them.
Howard asked if they were ever called in front of the FBI would they be able to say they have never called for the fans to be in a gang. Shaggy said they don't do anything. He said they make music and do shows. J said it's real fucked up. He said they're punishing people and they're put in a gang database. He said they are violating probation for being a Juggalo.
J said that he hopes someone out there hears this because it's really fucked up. Howard asked what they want to be done. J said they want to be off that list. He said it only came out in 2011 and it was never released after that. Howard asked who came up with putting them on the list. J said he's not sure but if you're pulled over and have their logo on then you can be listed as a gang member. He said if you have a gang in your town then the state gets money to fight gangs.
Howard asked if they were arrested would they be gangs. They said they think they would be. J said they tried to have their Gathering on the west coast and it was impossible because they're listed as a gang. J said this is a real fight and even the fans don't know how big it is. He said if they find the grounds to have it they can't get it insured. He said this isn't happening anywhere with anyone else. Shaggy said that they can't even get port-a-potties at their events. He said it all comes down to the small stuff. He said it's all about the gang listing.
J said that they'd like them to just say that not all Juggalos are gang members. Shaggy said that they aren't a gang. He said it doesn't matter what the police say, they're not a gang.
J said if they don't do shit about this then they might as well be a gang. Howard said at the big rally are they going to tell the fans to behave. Shaggy said they are telling them not to give them what they want.
J said they are having a free concert at the National Mall. He said they have some of the bands on their label showing up too. Howard asked who the Jugga-Lawyer is. J said that he's their guy. He said that he got pulled over by a Juggalo cop on his way there. He said there are Juggalos in all walks of life. Howard said they're going to have a nervous breakdown over this. Howard said they were just having fun. J said he thought so too. He said he had no problem with this country. He said he thought racism was going away slowly but surely. He said that they came from nothing to get what they got and he has no problem with the country. Then they came out and made it like this and he's all fucked up again.
Howard said that maybe they should be a gang and start criminal activity. J said it's fine if some of them are but not all of the Juggalos are into that stuff.
Howard said the march is on Saturday and they're hoping to stop being listed as gang members. Robin asked if Howard got a letter from them. Howard said they don't get his email there. Howard said he can't be in that.
Howard said Wolfie is going to be down there at the march this Saturday. Howard said that they're calling it the March of the Juggalos. Howard said that they may be the only media outlet there. Shaggy said they appreciate that a lot. Howard said he can't be associated with them until they are not listed as gang members.
J said they are gang members themselves but not all of the Juggalos are. Howard said he knows how they got started. He said they stated doing the wrestling thing and then they got into the band and now they're where they are now. J said that they're trying to make it illegal to be a Juggalo.
Howard asked the guys if they are going to do a full concert. They said they are doing about an hour and a half. J said they might get arrested because they will curse.
J said that they have Juggalos in prison who get segregated because they have a Juggalo tattoo. Howard said this is getting out of control. Howard said they have to stand up for their people. Shaggy said they have to do this so they can keep doing their music.
Howard said the boys are there and they've said it all. J said this means a lot to them. Howard said he's not going to turn down Insane Clown Posse. He said that he wants to say to the FBI that he has nothing to do with this. He said he doesn't know anything about it. He said he's just trying to get through his life.
Howard said lets talk pussy a little bit. Howard said they have the FBI stuff out of the way now. Howard asked the guys if anything is happening. J said that they're getting mad pussy. He said he even got it when he was fat. He said the women may be more willing now that he lost weight.
J said he's getting love at the strip clubs. He said that his girlfriend is bi-sexual and they get a lot. Howard said he's thought about being with another woman. Shaggy said J is talking about getting with another guy. Howard asked what's going on with that. J said it's all jokes. Howard said he caught him off guard.
Howard asked J to take him into his world. J said they met a girl at a strip club. He said he can't believe he's telling this story. He said they took a girl home. He stopped and said he can't tell this story. Howard asked how long he's been with this girl. J said about a year. He said she pulls the girls and they want nothing to do with him. He said they want to be with her. He said she's 26. Howard said that's nice. J said he's a smooth 45. Howard said look at you. Shaggy said they're polar opposites right now. He said he's married and has two kids. He said he has a total of 5. He said his oldest is 21 and his youngest is 9 months.
J said he loves shaggy. He said he's everything to him. He said that hey don't even disagree about anything. They've known each other since they were about 10.
Howard asked J about his pussy story. J said that something freaky happened in the bedroom. He said it had never happened before. He brought home this 23 year old hottie from the strip club. He said she had Beyonce's hair and she was a light skinned black girl. Howard said he likes this so far. Howard asked Shaggy if this girl is hot. Shaggy said she's not his type but whatever. Shaggy said that he's married and has kids. He said that he doesn't need to think about that when he has that at home. He said he got married 4 years ago. Howard asked how long he can keep this up. Shaggy said he's been through everything in his life. He said it's everything, not just pussy.
Howard said Shaggy figured out that he had to calm the fuck down. Howard asked if he has been in court in the last 4 years. Shaggy said he has but not for criminal stuff. He said it was just criminal stuff. He said he has been in jail though. J pointed that out. He said he got pulled over for stuff. J said that's what they all go to jail for. Howard asked what he did that got him arrested. Shaggy said he got in trouble for surfing on his car.
Howard said J takes this girl home and then what. J said he's not allowed to fuck the girls. He said he can do everything but fuck. He said he can finger or whatever. He said he can go down on her and get a blow job but he can't fuck. Howard said what guys fuck up is that he tried to fuck her. J said that if they get to know her then he might be able to fuck her.
Howard said they get this girl to come home with him. J said that she came to them at the end of the night and said she knows where the party is at. She doesn't even know who Insane Clown Posse is. She said she's too young.
Howard said he gets her home and then what. J said he lives in Detroit and he lives in a regular house. He said he's all humble and shit. J said they don't make that kind of crazy money. Howard said he read that he's worth like 35 million. J laughed that off.
Howard asked about the girl again. J said they get home and the girls were drinking. He said he was sitting back smiling hard as fuck. Howard asked if he smokes weed. J said he doesn't do that. Shaggy said he doesn't smoke it either.
Howard asked how many rooms he has in his house. J said he has 3. He said he gets the kids there so they have a room.
Howard said that the FBI has to take them off the list because they're the least successful gang. Howard said they're making money and he only has 3 bedrooms. J said they're living their dream though. Their homes are paid off.
J said he told a story about how he almost fucked Pam Anderson and Mark McGrath cock blocked him. Howard said he has to get back to this story. He said that he's waiting to fuck this girl now. J said that the girl asked if she could take her top off. He said he and his girl looked at each other and said they didn't mind at all. He said they were both topless a short time later. He said he kept his shirt on of course. He said he doesn't need to have his shirt off while they're topless. Howard asked if his girl has big titties. J said they're perfect. He doesn't know how big they are. Howard asked Shaggy how big they look to him. Shaggy didn't know. J said he doesn't like them really big. He said they're the right size. He said he's not passing them up. He said the stripper had bigger ones.
J said they were having sex and the girls were doing oral. Howard asked if they had their clothes off. J said they had their cloths off and they were going down on each other. He said it was a 69 thing. Howard asked if you can believe this shit. J said it's so fucking awesome when you get to hang out with your friend and this is the kind of thing going on. Howard asked if he's afraid that she's going to go off with some other girl and disappear. J said he doesn't worry about that. He said they love each other so they're fine.
Howard said the girls are going down on each other and then what does J do. J said before physical contact his shirt will come off. Howard said that's what he would do too. Howard said no girl wants to see him with his shirt off. J said he doesn't want to distract. He said he sneaks it off.
Howard said look at what's going on in Detroit. J said it's so cool to have a bi-sexual girlfriend. He said she takes command and you're scared of what to do. He said you don't want to be too eager. He said he does whatever she tells him to do. He said she'll tell him he's the master and he'll do that.
Howard asked if he worries about HPV and stuff like that. J said he's rolling with Jesus so he doesn't worry about it. Howard said eating out chicks can be dangerous. J said he's not doing it with random chicks. He said he's blessed.
Howard asked what happens next. J said he's fucking his girl. He said he has his buddy here who heard this story. Howard said he can bring him in to tell the story. J said that he's getting to the crazy part. He said he's doing it doggy style with her. He said she's going down on the chick while he's doing that. He said that he didn't want to bust a nut at this point. J said he's behind his girl and he laid on his back and held back. Howard asked if he can hold on a long time. J said he finished quick usually. He said he got a vasectomy so he doesn't have to wear a rubber.
Howard said his buddy Light can't come in because he's being questioned by the FBI. J said the girl who was with his girl started blowing him after he pulled out. He said then he's about to nut again so he didn't want to do it in her mouth. He said that he kind of stopped it from happening and went back into his girl. J said that Shaggy must not be enjoying this. J said he usually gets to the crazy part. Howard said they're bonding now. shaggy said he's heard this before.
J said his girl got on top of him and he's doing his thing. He said he busts his nut and just let it go. He said he lets it go and then his girl gets off of him and the first thing that happens is the girl starts jumping back on him to top him off. He said his shit is mad tender at that point and he had to stop her. He said he was spent. He said he had nothing left. He asked what Howard thinks she does. He said she went and ate it out of his girlfriend. He said she just took it right out. Howard said that's disgusting. He said he's going to vomit. J said it's crazy so that's why he told that story. He said he's never had an experience like that. He said it was one for the books.
Howard asked if they'll hook up with her again. J said he asked too many times. He said that his girl said she'll never call her again. Howard said Robin just vomited in his lap over that. J said he thinks that girl is history.
Howard said he never meets girls like that. He said that women just tolerate what he's doing. He said he's in and out quick.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing the part of the dad of the girl J was with. He shot himself.
Howard wrapped up with the guys and tried to do the ''Whoop, whoop'' thing. Howard had them do it and then he tried it. Howard wasn't able to do it the right way. Howard kept trying and finally got it.
Howard said that the guys are doing their march on Saturday. He said that they don't want to be listed as a gang. Howard said the Juggalo march is on Saturday. Robin said they want anyone to show up even if you're not a Juggalo. Howard said it's this Saturday at 2pm at the National Mall. Howard said you can get more information at JuggaloMarch.com
Howard asked what else the guys are going to do. They said they want to make another movie. Howard said he's going to come up with a Juggalo movie. He said they could have them go to the moon and start their own place. J said they've already come up with that but not on the moon. He said they have other ideas like that though. Howard said you have to applaud the boys. Robin said she's very busy this weekend so she can't make it out to their march.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to the guys and they said they were brought up in a special elevator this morning. Howard said of course they were. He said he doesn't want to be associated with a gang. He wrapped up and ended the interview a short time later.
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Howard came back and said this is a good song. He said he wasn't a big Genesis guy but he did like this song. Howard said that he liked the video too. Howard said that he hates the song ''Lamb Lies Down on Broadway.'' He said he wants to hang himself over that one. Howard wondered who would come up with that. He asked Fred to play that too. Fred played some of that and Howard said he bets they don't last 3 minutes with that. Howard asked Fred to play the Lamb Lies Down but it wasn't playing. He asked Fred to play some music for the commercial instead. Fred did get that to work.
After the live commercial read Howard said he knows it's news time. He said the morning went by fast with that technical glitch happening. Howard said they're officially out of vacation mode now. Howard said they've done 3 shows now. Howard said he went to a party over vacation and he never goes to parties. He said they make him crazy. He said that he has a hard time. He said he walked into this guy's party and he said he knew he shouldn't have gone. It turned out it was all little kids running around. He said they invited people with their kids to come over. Howard said he thought it was going to be just adults.
Howard said he gets to the party and it's in a back yard packed with people. He said he sees it's a pizza party. He said they hired a company to come in and make pizza with a real pizza oven. Howard said he was told to just go over and eat as much as he wants. Howard said now they're talking. He said he went to the pizza and didn't even wait for Beth. He said he just wanted to eat pizza. He said he sat down and ate 4 slices by himself. He said he had never had such good pizza. Howard said the food was right there. He said it wasn't shitty pizza like Pizza Hut. He said it was real New York style. He said he had such a good time eating that pizza. He said he just sat and ate.
Howard said after that they had a Mr. Softee truck show up. Howard said that's brilliant. He said that he was going to have some ice cream too. He said he goes over to the truck and it's surrounded by him and kids. Howard asked the kids what he should get. He said they wanted him to get a cone. He said he's not 4 so he got a cup. Howard said he hates cones. He said if he's eating calories he's eating ice cream. Howard said in the old days he'd get excited over strippers in a truck.
Howard said the guy in the truck is a tiny person and he asked for chocolate. Howard said he wanted a cup of chocolate with that dip. He said the kids told him to get strawberry on top. Howard said the guy takes the ice cream and dips it into the syrup that hardens. Howard said he was out of his mind. He said this is him being wild. Howard said he had ice cream and pizza. He was living wild and free. Howard said his wife has never seen him like this.
Howard said he told the guy there is nothing better than Carvel. Howard said he was Mr. Softee. He said he probably thought he was being an asshole. He got confused. He said the guy got so upset. Howard said he didn't want to hear ''Carvel.'' He wanted to hear Mr. Softee. Howard said it reminded him of the radio wars. Howard said he had to apologize for that. He said now that he thinks about it he asked if he had Fudgie the Whale. Howard said he's not sure what the fuck is wrong with him. He said he didn't mean any disrespect.
Robin said they had Good Humor and Mr. Softee back in the day. Howard said they had an independent guy in his neighborhood. Howard said it was Joe the Italian Ice guy.
Howard took a call from Balls who said that he has to agree with Insane Clown Posse and the FBI doing them wrong. Howard said that the FBI is just doing their job and thinking they're doing the right thing. Balls said that would be like the FBI classifying all Stern fans as a gang. Howard said he does love those guys.
Balls asked if Howard ever has dreams that he remembers. Howard said his dreams are nothing like Martin Luther King's. He said he dreamt that he had eaten beats and he peed red. He said it looked like blood and he was worried about another guy seeing it. He said he peed on the floor and this guy could see it and he was afraid the guy was going to tell someone. Howard said he was going to leave and just let someone else clean it up. Balls was cracking up. Howard said his psychiatrist wasn't laughing.
Robin said it sounds like a nightmare. Howard said everything about his life is torture. He said even when he dreams it's torture. Howard said he never has sex dreams. He said it's always beet juice and people are looking at him like he's insane.
Howard said he had a dream about being in a bath tub of shit. He said shit was all over the floor. He said that's the kind of stuff he has. Howard said he wonders why he does this to himself.
Balls asked if he has a lot of dreams he remembers. Howard said he doesn't really. He said the ones he does remember are fucked up.
Howard said he had a dream where he met Courteney Cox's boyfriend and he rode on his motorcycle too fast. Howard said he ended up in a bathroom peeing beet juice. Howard asked what kind of dream that is? Howard said that's why he won't watch that movie ''It'' with the clown. He said he knows he'll have horrible dreams. Howard let Balls go and said it's time for some news.
Robin started her news with a story about the new iPhone. Robin read about some of the new features for the iPhone 8 and iPhone X. Howard looked at his phone and his wife had called. Howard wondered why she called. Howard said she never calls during the show. Robin told him not to worry about it. Robin read more about the phone and how the iPhone X is going to cost $1000. Howard said the phone isn't coming out until November 3 and that's just a buzz kill. Underdog said that Eve ate the apple and that's the only thing she cares about. She was singing and all kinds of things were going on out there. Robin read more about the phone and the features they're going to have.
Howard said that he was reading what Dave Lefsetz was saying about the new phone and he said that if the animated Emojis are the big innovation then something is wrong. Howard said everyone is out there taking selfies and it's not like they're that interesting. Robin said the new Apple TV is going to be 4K compatible. Howard said none of his TVs work and he's not upgrading. He said he spent a fortune on his system and he's still trying to get it to work.
Howard said Jason mentioned that the wireless charging isn't new either. Fred did an impression of Jason talking about that. Howard said he likes all of the integration between the Apple stuff. He said they revealed that it will look at your face and unlock the phone and it didn't work on stage. Howard said he knew it wasn't going to work.
Robin read a story about Ted Cruz liking some porn clip and it ended up in his Twitter feed. Howard said he's claiming that other people have access to his account. Howard said of course he watches porn. Howard said everyone does. Howard said just cop to it, dude. Fake Underdog Lady freaked out when she heard the porn talk. She started to sing again.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks and said that Ralph said there's no way that he got an iPhone. King said the guy didn't come through for him but that doesn't mean that he doesn't have the money for it. King said he was talking to the guy for a week and he said he had it. He said he was on his way to pick it up and the guy was pacing around and he didn't have it. He said that doesn't make him a liar. Howard said he didn't have the phone. King said he knew he was supposed to be up there at 11:30. He said he was going to take video and prove it. Howard said he was lying then. King said he wasn't lying. He said he didn't get it because this guy didn't come through. King said he doesn't lie about getting something. He said he's going to get the phone. King said he's calling because Ralph called him a liar. He said that he's getting it. King said he is going to get the Porsche Macan S. Howard said he was a hard working guy and he's getting all kinds of stuff. King said he was a sanitation worker. Howard said he's getting all kinds of nice stuff.
Howard said that America is a great country. Robin said that he did a job that made everyone's life better. Howard said in other countries you don't get a new car. He said you live in a forest and hunt with a bow and arrow. Howard let King go after that. He did a live commercial read.
Robin read a story about the mayor of Seattle who had to step down after some people came forward saying that he abused them as kids. Robin said he's saying that the stories aren't true but now one of his cousins came forward saying that he was abused at 13. Robin said the guy has stepped down now.
Robin read a story about Mary Jo Buttafuoco who now has a smile. Robin said when she was shot 25 years ago she lost the ability to smile. Robin said that she had a confidence problem after that and now she's had some plastic surgery that has given her the ability to smile again. Howard asked if it's a permanent smile like the Joker. Fred said no. He said the guy did a good job. Howard said he's happy for her. He said it's very difficult for a person when they can't smile. Robin said she's very happy too. Underdog Lady said she just saw a wet spot on Gary's keyboard in the shape of the virgin Mary. Howard asked if she's going on Kimmel. Underdog said it's too late and it's not the anniversary of Underdog now. She had a crash of stuff in the office again so Howard let her go and did another live commercial read.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton's book signing in the city and how she's not sure how many actually showed up to the signing. Robin said that some say lines were around the block and other stories say only ''hundreds'' showed up. Robin had some audio of Hillary talking about writing her book. Howard said Hillary wanted to come on the show but they had already booked Insane Clown Posse so they had to say no way.
Robin read a story about this guy on YouTube known as Pewdipie who is the biggest YouTube star out there. Robin said that he was streaming a game and he used the N-word during the broadcast. Robin had an audio clip of him doing that. Robin said it sent shock waves through the YouTube world. Robin said Disney cut ties with him after he had used some Nazi symbols in a broadcast. Robin said he claims he isn't racist or hateful. Robin had some audio of him saying he did this because he's an idiot. Howard said he really is an idiot. He said that all he has to do is not say the N-word. It's so simple. Howard asked how many words there are in the English language. Robin said it must be millions. Howard said he could avoid one and have millions of dollars. Robin had a few clips of him apologizing. Howard said he's an idiot.
Robin read a story about the Sinead O'Connor interview with Dr. Phil. Howard said he's looking forward to watching that over the weekend. Robin said Dr. Phil went and found her and put her in a hospital. Howard said then he put her on TV just like you're supposed to do when someone is suffering from mental illness. Robin had some audio from the interview. She had a clip of Sinead talking about being kept in a garden shed as a child. She also talked about her mother abusing her when she was a child. Underdog Lady said that didn't sound weird to her. She said she's waiting to hear the weird part. Robin had more clips. Howard said it's a fucked up thing to put that on TV. He said she has issues and she needs help. He said that's some pretty serious stuff. Robin said it's awful. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about an 11 year old boy and his parents dying when they fell in boiling mud near a volcanic crater in Italy. Howard said he sees people looking at volcanos and looking right in at the edge. Howard said this is madness. Robin said the boy wandered into a restricted area and slipped and fell into a 10 foot hole. His parents fell in trying to save him. Robin said a 7 year old member of the family stayed behind and now he has no family. Howard said his kids never went anywhere. He said if he hears volcano he's staying out of the country. Robin said she went up the side of a volcano in Hawaii and she was fine. Howard said he would never do that. He said he'd stay away from that.
Robin read a story about Hurricane Irma and how it turned out not to be as bad as they predicted. Robin said some people did die in it. Robin said Rush Limbaugh tried to convince people to stay. Robin said that he left though. Robin said that down in the Keys they didn't have one house that wasn't damaged.
Robin read a story about how Kim Kardashian is paying a surrogate to carry her baby and paying $45,000. Robin said that she's claiming she had a hard time with her previous two so they hired a surrogate. Howard asked how they do that. Robin explained how it might work. Robin said she's not sure why people are upset about what this woman is being paid just because Kim is a celebrity.
Robin read a story about Mel B being accused of intimidating a witness. Robin said this woman was going to testify against her in her custody case. Robin read about a rapper filing a police report saying that Mel B threatened her if she testified against her in the case. Robin asked if she has reached out to him at all. Howard said he's not sure he has any contact information for her. Howard said he wants nothing to do with this thing.
Robin read a story about the telethon that was on last night that raised over $44 million. Robin read about some of the celebrities who were on the show raising money.
Howard took a call from fake Simon Cowell and spent a minute talking to those pre-recorded clips.
Robin read a story about Bernie Sanders introducing a bill that would open health care to everyone.
Robin read a story about President Obama launching a series of training sessions for students and young adults where they'll train young people to get involved in their community's problems. Robin had some audio of Obama talking about that.
Robin read a story about Richard Branson and how he rode out the storm on his island. Robin said he was in his wine cellar. Howard said it's probably like a bunker. Robin said he didn't have to stay there but he did. Howard said he's like a daredevil. Howard said if he had his money he'd be even more sequestered.
Robin read a story about litter in the subways and how fines are doubling for littering. Robin said they're going up to $100. Robin said it's enough that they have to move millions of people around. She said they could try to keep it clean. Robin had some audio of a commercial that explains the costs of littering.
Robin read a story about Rebel Wilson winning a defamation lawsuit against Woman's Day that said she was a serial liar. Robin said this is the biggest award in Australian history for a defamation case. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Today's show was over around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.