For the week of 07/17/2017 to 07/21/2017

• Back Live - Two Week Vacation Recap. 07/17/17. 7:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: A fake press conference with Tracey Millman, a song parody about Mariann from Brooklyn, a bit about the closeness of the Stern Show family, Weezer performing ''Beverly Hills'' in the Howard Stern Show studio, a Beetlejuice singing clip.

  Howard and the guys were back live this morning. Howard started the show talking about how they're back live. Howard said to prove it he'd say the date if he knew it. Robin said she can tell him. Howard said he did the research and it's July 17, 2017.

  Howard said his Dunkin Donuts coffee hasn't woken him up this morning. He said he went to bed at 8 last night and he didn't see Game of Thrones. He said the NY Post has all kinds of spoilers in it. Howard said he doesn't know why they do that. Robin said most people want to watch it. Howard said he's busy so he can't watch it live. Howard said he just finished his coffee so he's not jacked up yet. Howard said he read a study about coffee and how if you have 2 cups a day you'll live longer. He said it goes back and forth with that. Robin said they say you should drink 2 instead of 1. Howard said he went wild over vacation drinking two cups. He said he'd have another cup after taking his nap.

  Howard said he was so depressed coming back to work. Robin said she had an experience with Bulletproof coffee. Robin said while they were working she wasn't able to tell if it was working. She said she tried it on vacation and she was able to drink that and get more of a workout in. Robin said she started doing chores around the house and it was giving her energy. Howard said later in the day she climbed a mountain. Robin said she did. She had more energy.

  Howard said they're there and ready to start the show. He said so much was going on the past two weeks he may have to do a recap. He said he was reviewing it and he forgot about half of this stuff.

  Howard said one of the biggest stories was about Donald Trump talking about Morning Joe and Mika. Howard said that seemed so important but then you forget it even happened. Howard said it seemed so important but now no one is even talking about it. He said the news cycle goes so fast. Fred said Mika got 3 book deals just from that. Howard said it was like 5 million dollar deals. Robin said once the book comes out no one will remember it. Howard said it was smart to make the book deal at that point.

  Howard said another thing that happened was Maria Menounos talking about having a brain tumor removed. Howard said he was hoping they didn't have to shave her head. Howard said he was thinking about how hot she is. He said when you're that hot you can't shave your head. Howard said most of the people with brain tumors must be not that good looking and older. He said that this was like a movie of the week. Howard said they probably said she had to be nude for this operation. Howard said he did talk to Maria off the air. He said he understands she's doing very well. He said he got that straight from the horse's mouth.

  Howard wondered if it would be in poor taste to beat off to her. He said he wonders when it's time to go back to beating off to her. Howard said the tumor wasn't cancerous. He said that was goo. He said the tumor was the size of a golf ball. Howard said he has a lot of room in there so it might not be a problem. He wondered if her brain tumor was hot. He said she really is hot and fun. He said she's sexy except for that laugh. Robin said here has to be something. Howard said it won't be so hot at 80. Fred played some of her laugh clips.

  Howard wondered if the laugh will change after the tumor is gone. Fred played some Seth Rogen laughs. Howard said that's what it sounds like now.

  Howard said Tan Mom had a full spread in the paper. He said her kid was out in the sun at school and she's upset that her child was sun burned and not tanned. Robin asked if that's true. Howard said he doesn't care. He said she was in the NY Post and she did some playboy type spread with them.

  Howard said this guy died over vacation and his big claim to fame was when the Tiananmen Square thing happened he got thrown into jail and while he was in jail he got cancer. He said he died at 62. Howard said fuck China and fuck Russia too. Howard said he's not sure what happened to the conservatives. He said they're defending Russia lately. He said that Putin kills journalists when they have anything negative to say about him. He said they hate us and they are our enemy. Howard said don't talk to any Russians and don't get anything from them. Howard read about this guy who died and tried to say his name Liu Xxiaobo. He tried saying it in a few different ways.

  Howard took a call from Lee Kingsnatch who had him pronounce the name ''Lick-a Myshitpipe.'' He had Robin say something in Japanese about her Bulletproof coffee. He had her say ''I have massive black tits'' in his own special way.

• Remembering Martin Landau. 07/17/17. 7:15am
  Howard let Lee go and got back to his recap of their two weeks off. Howard said Martin Landau died yesterday. He said he loved that guy so much. He said he's going to do an obit for him. He said he loved the movie Ed Wood but he was a great character actor too. Howard said Martin was quite the cocksman. He said he possibly fucked Marilyn Monroe when she was something. Howard said he heard he went quickly. Robin said he was 89. Howard said he played his girlfriend at basketball one time. Howard said that was Gretchen Becker. Howard said she spotted him 15 points and he still lost. Howard said he only scored one basket. He said his dad never played sports with him. He said he could have introduced him to something... or anything.

  Howard read about Martin Landau and how he got started. Howard said he was offered the role of Mr. Spock on Star Trek but turned it down. Howard said that was probably smart. Howard said he was friends with James Dean and briefly dated Marilyn Monroe. Howard said one of his favorite movies ever was Tucker. He said he was in that. He said he played Bella Legosi in Ed Wood. Howard said he loved that movie. He said Martin Landau was so good in that movie. He said he has to play some clips form the movie. He said he'll play just one. He said this is great. He said some kid comes up to ask for an autograph and things go wrong. He played the clip and Lugosi ends up yelling at the guy for saying he was Boris Karloff's sidekick.

  Howard said that was such a good movie. He said he should go back and watch it. Howard said they made a phony phone call with some of that audio. Howard said they called a guy named Carl and had his wife on the phone. Howard played the call and they had him asking for Karloff and the wife not knowing it was clips thought he was looking for Carl. She ends up yelling at the clips.

  Howard said that seems to be their unique talent pissing people off. Robin said she's shocked they stay on the phone to get pissed off. Howard said they do seem to find those to stay on the line.

  Howard said he loved Martin Landau. He said he was on the show. He said he was on Entourage on HBO. He said he had the lead in The Last Poker Game with was just in a film festival.

• Ronnie In Vegas Stories. 07/17/17. 7:25am
  Howard said he did nothing all vacation. He said he just hung out. He said he had a visit from his movie wife and her husband. Howard said Mary stayed with them a couple of days. Howard said she's on some new TV show. Howard said she's always busy. Howard said she has 3 kids and a full life. Howard said she has the nicest kids. He said she has 3 daughters and they're very charming. He said he never says that about anyone. Howard said one of the kids is a really good singer. He said it's legitimate. He said a lot of kids can sing. He said his buddy Pat has a daughter who can sing like a professional.

  Howard said the new show is called ''Loaded'' and it's on AMC. Howard said Mary plays Casey who purchases a video game company for her company. Robin said AMC is a good company to be with. Howard said they had a couple of days with Mary. He said they reminisced about making the movie. Howard said they talked about it for about 5 minutes. He said that was nice.

  Howard said he got a call from his agent asking if he'd give his blessing for Ronnie to be in an Adam Sandler movie. Howard asked if Robin can believe that. Robin asked why he did that. Howard said he thinks that Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is directing this movie. He said Gary was in the last Adam Sandler movie. Howard said he thinks it's kind of funny. He said he thinks after that they want all of his guys. Howard said it's slowly becoming a thing. Howard said Adam must have wanted to check with him. He said that was damn nice of him to do.

  Howard said Ronnie asked if he had heard that Sandler wanted him in a movie. Howard said he knew that because he gave permission to do it. Howard said Ronnie didn't know that he gave him permission to do it. Howard said when Don called him about it he said it would be funny for the show and a nice opportunity for Ronnie. Howard said he believes he'll be playing Ronnie the Limo Driver.

  Gary said he heard Ronnie yelling that it's not how it happened. Howard told Ronnie to get in there.

  Ronnie came in and said he got it wrong what he said to him this morning. Ronnie said he said to Howard asking if he knew what happened with Sandler's movie and he thought it was cool. Howard said that's not what it sounded like. Ronnie said he got his sides and he has a shooting schedule. He said they're shooting it on Long Island.

  Howard had some clips of Ronnie acting in some classic movies. They recorded Ronnie saying some lines from ''The Graduate.'' Howard said Gary's part in the last Sandler film was kind of lame. Howard said it was a disappointment. He said he hopes Ronnie has something meaty. Ronnie said he's playing himself in it. Howard said they asked if they could have him play Ronnie the Limo Driver in the movie. Howard said he thought about it and figured it was fine. Howard said he hopes he has to kiss a guy or something. Howard said Bob Smigel is going to be directing. Howard said he's so good as Triumph. He said the puppet is trying to hump this hot chick's leg in the middle of the interview he was doing.

  Howard said he knows Ronnie had a star studded vacation. He said he's friends with a NASCAR guy and he was out in Vegas partying with some of those guys. Ronnie said it was a couple of them. Howard asked how many days he was out there. Ronnie said it was 5 days. Howard said he heard he was yelling so much that his voice was shot. Ronnie said it was from the dry heat too. Robin said if he shut up he'd probably be fine. Ronnie said he saw Carrot Top out there. Howard said he's been going around talking about how great the show was. Ronnie said he just talked to Shuli about it. He said it wasn't 3 people. Howard said Ronnie loved the show. Ronnie said he pulls props out and it was awesome. Howard asked what the funniest bit was. Ronnie said he goes so fast you can't remember what it was.

  Ronnie said he went with like 20 people and the show was sold out. Howard asked if he went back stage. Ronnie said that he did. He said Carrot Top heard Kurt Bush was there and he invited them back. Ronnie said he told him they were all coming. He said Carrot Top said to say hello to Howard. Howard said they haven't seen him in a long time. Howard and Fred did their Ronnie impressions coming up with new NASCAR driver names. They were making fun of the Kurt Bush name and coming up with other genital-related names.

  Howard asked how long he was back stage. Ronnie said it was maybe 15 minutes. He said they have a photographer guy who puts pictures up on his web site. Howard said he must be up on his web site then. Ronnie said he doesn't know.

  Howard said he loves low key Ronnie. He asked if there were any hot chicks hanging out. Ronnie said there were a few. He said a bunch of people got thrown in the pool with their clothes on. Howard asked if Ronnie was one throwing them in. Ronnie said possibly. Howard said that's called assault. Ronnie said he would walk them over to the pool and then throw them in. Robin said he'd be so bad if he was born in some place like Afghanistan. Ronnie said they had a lot of fun out there.

  Howard asked if the women got pissed. Ronnie said they were fine. Howard asked if he could see through their clothes when he threw them in. Ronnie said maybe. He said he was doing them a favor because it was like 106 degrees out there. Howard said he's throwing girls in the pool. Robin asked when he's going to grow up. Ronnie said never. He said when he grows up he'll be dead.

  Howard said Scott must be jealous of Ronnie. He gets to hang out with the NASCAR guys. Howard and Fred did their Scott voices and goofed on him. Ronnie said he gets to hang with Kevin Harvick too. He said he's another NASCAR guy. Howard had Scott talking about how upset he is about that.

  Howard said they asked Scott to record a bit where he reviews his week. He said it's all true. He played the clip and Scott talks about his day in review. Scott said he got stuck in traffic on the GWB and then got home and stepped in his dog's shit. He said he went to McDonald's and it was demolished when he got there. He said his vape charger broke and the Mets lost. That was his day in review. Howard said that's all true and that was just one day.

  Robin asked if it's true that his McDonald's was gone. Howard said it was. Howard said it burned down. Howard said who ever hears about a McDonald's burning down.

  Howard said Ronnie went to Vegas and then Sal had some thing going on. Howard said Ronnie wasn't that crazy when he met him. Ronnie said he was crazy but in a different way. He said he just hung out with regular guys. Howard said Ronnie wrote him a letter in crayon and now he's in Adam Sandler movies.

  Howard said Ronnie leaves Vegas and he flies to a gig. He said every year there's some family in Canada that hires Sal to show up at their family barbecue. He said they're big fans of the show. Ronnie said this guy has every bit the show has ever done on his phone. He said he has a Sonos in his house and that's all he plays all day. Howard said he's not sure what the financial arrangement is but Sal gets hired and this year they gave him enough to get a bunch of other guys to go. Ronnie said they were flown up and put in a nice hotel. He said they got money too. Howard said it's unbelievable.

  Howard had some notes about what went on up there. He said it was Sal, Ronnie, Richard, JD and Jason up there. Howard said notice there's no Scott. Howard said Scott used to get some stuff like that but not anymore. He said he complained about some gigs he was doing and killed it. Howard said the guys all went up to Canada and they were up there for about 24 hours. Howard said Ronnie's voice was shot. He said he came to life that day though. He said it was the end of the night and they weren't able to get him to leave. Ronnie said they got that wrong. Howard said he has that in his notes. Ronnie said he was asking Sal to get the fuck out of there. Howard said he heard he wanted to stay.

  Jason came in and said there was a girl dancing and Ronnie was yelling and screaming and they had to go back to get him in the house. Ronnie didn't remember that. Jason said he was yelling to get ice cream on the way to the hotel too.

  Sal came in and he brought Larry Caputo with him. Howard asked if he snuck into his room at the hotel. Sal said he didn't. He said it was Ronnie's idea to bring Larry to the party. Howard said his wife must be rich from that whole medium thing. Sal said he's coming out with his own line of wine. Howard said he must be fun to hang out with. He doesn't even have to work. Ronnie said they don't have to work either. He said they were all just hanging out.

  Howard asked Sal about getting clothes from Larry. Sal said he gets John Varvatos stuff from him. He said he lays out stuff and he gets to try it on and see if he wants it. Howard asked what's wrong with Sal. Sal said they're nice clothes.

  Howard asked Sal about this family and what he has to do up there. Sal said they just hang out. He said it's pretty mellow. He said that the family invites the people to the party. They picked Will but Will wasn't able to attend. Sal said the guy who hires them makes fun of Ronnie the entire time. He said whatever Ronnie does he'll make fun of. He said they're playing Fireball and he's singing Mothball in his face. He said the head guy is really funny. Ronnie said oh yeah, he's a scream. He said he gave it back to him too. Sal said that his name is Stu. He said he's the man.

  Howard had Stu on the phone. Howard asked how much money he has to give them to come up there. Stu said it's at least $250 each. Sal said it's more like $1000 each. Sal said they split it up evenly.

  Gary said Shuli said there's no way Sal is flying anywhere to get a grand. Sal said it's around that. He said it's less than $2,000. Sal said it's around $1,500. Sal said that his wife is listening so he doesn't want to buy another pocket book.

  Howard asked JD if that's what he got. JD said it's something like that. Howard asked what JD does up there. Stu said he was holding down the umbrella because it was windy up there. Sal said he held the umbrella for Richard.

  Howard asked Stu what his deal is. Stu said they're super fans and it's good to have them up there. Howard said they must have a lot of money. Ronnie said Stu does. He said he's the brains of the outfit. Sal said they have a scrap metal business. He said they scrap cars. Stu was joking about how Ronnie's pace car is only worth about $200. Howard told him to stop joking around. Ronnie said he can't control it.

  Howard asked Stu about the scrap metal thing and how that works. Stu told Howard some details about how the whole thing works. Jason said that Stu's dad owned the business and Stu took it over and made it even better. Ronnie said Stu lives in a fancy house on a lake and the brother lives in a shit part of Canada in a not so nice house. Stu said he's the president and his brother works with him. He said he does pretty good too though. Howard asked how they got the business. Stu said he started it out with his father. He said that he's motivated by Howard's work ethic and that must be why he's such a big fan.

  Ronnie said the brother is the guy who they make do all of this stuff. He said the father is there partying and they make Derick drive the boat. Sal said Ronnie is hovering over the guy and calling him names. Ronnie said they fuck with him all day long. Sal said the guy never broke his balls. Ronnie said they all broke his balls.

  Howard asked why they don't hire Scott to come. Stu said they were just doing impressions of Scott all day. Jason said Scott would just complain all day. Jason said he doesn't get a lot of these offers but they were talking about how Scott would be complaining about everything all day long. He said it would be non stop complaining. Stu said they asked Scott to come up one year and he got all ornery about it and they just said screw it. Howard said that's why he doesn't get Scott. He said he's going to get a couple of grand and go party. He said he should just worry about what he's getting and not everyone else. Robin said he talks himself out of money. Howard said it's the fun too.

  Howard asked if Gary is too hard to get up there. Stu said that he thought he might be too expensive. Howard said Scott has gotten hot lately. He said they were working on a bit with him and he had to sing a song. Howard said he was singing too fast so he asked him to slow it down. He said the next thing he hears is that he feels that he did it the right way. Howard said now Scott thinks he knows the funny. Howard said Scott won't do the song again. Howard said his star is giving him problems. Howard said he wonders why he cares.

  Howard asked where Scott is. Jason said he's probably upstairs. Jason said they did a bit with Sal and Tan Mom and they did a job interview. He said Scott refused to do it. Howard said then when he's not on the air for a while he wonders why. He said Scott thinks he knows what's funny.

  Howard said it's just not funny and he wants him to do the song again. Howard and Fred made fun of Scott doing their impressions of him. Howard said this is Scott's version of ''Mama Said Knock You Out.'' Howard played the song and Scott was singing it at a normal pace. Howard said it's not funny that way. He said he's not interested in if he likes the way he did it. Howard asked why he would argue with him.

  Scott came in and said that he really likes the way it was done. He said so did other people. Howard said he doesn't think it's funny. He asked why he didn't take it. Scott said he'll do it again if he wants to. Howard said he's not going to play it again because it's not funny. Robin said she knew that he liked that rap as soon as she heard it.

  Howard said he won't have him on the air for like a year and then he wonders why he's not on. Howard said then he asks him to do something and he won't do it. He said he's a diva. Scott said he's not a diva.

  Howard brought up Scott screwing up his deal with the whole comedy show thing. Howard said Scott blew that. Scott said they had an agreement. Howard said Shuli was doing the heavy lifting and who cares what he's getting. Howard said he was doing stand up and Scott was doing nothing. Howard said Scott could have had another $150,000 if he had stuck with it.

  Shuli came in and said the only people who made money on the first 3 shows were Ronnie and Scott. He said he had to pay them but they didn't have a lot of people showing up. Shuli said that he didn't get equal pay from that. He wonders where Scott was back then.

  Howard said he wants Scott to do this song slower and more depressed but now he's Mariah Carrey. Howard said no one cares about his performance. Howard said he thinks he sounds great. Howard played more of Scott singing. Howard said it's not funny. Robin said it's not even a good rap. Howard said he doesn't want him to sound good. Ronnie said he wants him to sound stupid.

  Howard asked Stu why he didn't hire Scott. Stu said they tried to years ago. He said Scott was trying to negotiate. Scott said he doesn't remember that. He said he doesn't like turning down money. Shuli said he was already off the tour when that happened.

  Shuli said Scott has been joking around with him lately. He said he's been getting hot on the air lately and he said ''Maybe it's time to get back on the road again.'' Howard said it was such a joy before. Scott said he has changed. He said he's been going to a psychiatrist. He said he has had issues of course. The guys were all goofing on Scott about that. Scott said he's happy to do anything. Howard said not the song he asked him to re-do. Howard said Scott is the only one who would refuse to do a bit over again.

  Gary said Steve Nowicki said Scott is the only one who won't take direction and he records a lot of the guys there. Scott said that's not true. He said he took direction on that song. Howard said he put up a fuss when he asked him to re-record it. Scott said he's very flexible now. Scott said he didn't understand what was wrong with the song.

  Ronnie asked if he should call Adam and ask him to put him in the movie too. Scott said he's an asshole. Howard said he must have gotten upset about Ronnie going to Vegas with the NASCAR guys. Ronnie said maybe he can go to Pocono in a few weeks. Scott said he would love to. Howard said he may not be able to get permission.

  Howard had Stu's brother Derick on the phone. Howard asked him about the family business and how he isn't part of the big money. Derick said he went to college while his brother started the business with his father. He said that he does have a nice Denali and the family all gets along very well. He said he and Jason got along very well out there.

  Howard said he heard that Jason broke an inner tube and he got stranded. He said he heard Jason was so winded they thought he was going to die. Jason said they were dragging a raft behind a Jetski. He said it all just fell apart. Jason said Richard was panicked about that. He said he hopped on the life raft and left him out there. Howard said Jason had to lift himself on a dock and he wasn't able to do it. Ronnie said he had to swim to a ladder. Sal said he went in the water with his passport and almost lost it.

  Jason said they had a 7:30am flight and Richard drank the entire way there and it was only a 45 minute flight. Howard said Richard is going to be a dad. Richard said he just doesn't like flying. He said the champagne bottles were small. He said one bottle is a glass. He said they're probably 12 ounces each. He said it wasn't that much. Jason said it was at least two glasses each bottle.

  Richard said he sobered up quick when he tried to lift Jason into the raft. He said he was worried because he was tough to move.

  Howard said Richard shouldn't be drinking at 7:30 in the morning. Richard said the time shouldn't matter. He said that you shouldn't have to think about drinking at a time of day. Richard said he wasn't going to work that day. Stu said Richard is great at the party. He said Richard had like 20-25 beers at the party. He said they all brought different beers there so Richard had to try them all.

  Howard said that they all have their own things they do at the party. Howard said if he had a family barbecue that's the last thing he'd want. He said he can't imagine why he'd want them there. Ronnie said he was thrilled to have them there. Howard said he doesn't get it.

  Jason said they had Ronnie's greatest hits playing on the Sonos the whole time. Ronnie said this one guy puts on the bit where the guy tells the guy his Camaro is a piece of shit. He said the guy has a Camaro and he's getting all belligerent. He said he was getting all mad at him. He said he had to tell him to chill the fuck out. Howard asked why the guy would care. Ronnie said the guy got in his face a few times through the night. He said he had to tell him to let it go.

  Howard asked Ronnie what car he'd buy out of all the cars out right now. Ronnie said there are a bunch. He said he likes the new Maserati sedan. Howard asked about the Porsche Panamera. Ronnie said it's a big sedan. He called it a ''sedand'' and Howard goofed on him about that. Ronnie said Cadillac has a nice car out too. Howard said he was hanging out with a bunch of guys and they were saying the Porsche is the best car out there. Ronnie said he likes the Maserati better. Ronnie said the guy was so belligerent about it.

  Howard let Stu and Derick go and took a call from Donnie the pro-Camaro guy. One of the guys in the back was telling Ronnie he doesn't know what he's talking about and yelled at him for a short time.

  Richard told Howard that Jason had two King Size Snickers on the plane ride home. Howard asked Jason what's going on with him. He said he heard he didn't say a word for like an hour after he was in the water. Jason said he was just drained mentally and physically. Howard asked Jason if he's trying to lose weight at all. Jason said he's on and off.

  Shuli said he has never missed a flight because of Jason eating but he has because of Richard's drinking.

  Howard said he heard Jason went off on his wife for not making spaghetti with meatballs. Jason said she made other pasta instead of the spaghetti. He said it bothered him so much. He said he pictures twirling the spaghetti and it doesn't happen. Scott said he should be kissing her feet that she's making him a meal. Howard said he's right about that.

  Robin asked about Ronnie's tan and the color he is. Ronnie said he got that sitting in his back yard. Howard said he has to be careful with that. He said he'll end up with melanoma. Ronnie said he doesn't do it that much. He said he'll be fine.

  Richard said they were going to do a game where they connected all of Ronnie's liver spots. Ronnie said they're freckles. Howard said Ronnie has so many birth marks that the tattoo guy almost didn't give him a tattoo. He said the rocks on the beach in his tattoos are his moles.

  Howard asked Scott if it was true that his favorite McDonald's was burned down. Scott said they tore it down because they were doing renovations. He said he didn't know they were going to tear the whole thing down. Howard and the guys were goofing on Scott doing their impressions of him.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked how old Jason is. Jason said he's 38. The caller asked what grown man eats a candy bar. Howard said Jason does. Howard said those candy bars are like 338 calories. Shuli said he couldn't just have one, he had to have two. Richard said he looked like he was cumming in his pants over that. Ronnie said he was sitting next to him and he watched him eating it. He said he takes a bit and closes up the package and then thinks about it and then takes another bite. Howard asked Jason how soon after that he's having another meal. Jason said he ate those on the plane and then they started eating immediately at the party.

  Jason said he thought they were going to go back to the hotel. Ronnie said they did but Jason stayed to eat. Ronnie said they took a nap at the hotel and Jason and JD stayed there to eat. Shuli said he's like a crackhead but for food.

  Jason said that he had to shit after the flight and he did it at the house. He said he warned them about it and he courtesy flushed but it still stunk.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that the name Porsche is two syllables. He was going off on Ronnie about that and said that Ronnie doesn't know what he's talking about. He went off on him about the Jetski thing too. He said it's a personal watercraft, not a Jetski. Ronnie said he asked a question and he answered it. He told the guy to go fuck himself. Howard asked the caller what he thinks is the best car. The caller said Ronnie probably had it right with the Maserati. He said he likes the Ghibli. Ronnie said the guy just said Porsche wrong. The caller said he did not. Howard ended that call and took another.

  The next caller said he's never heard Scott do the ''Chh'' thing. Howard said he does it all the time. Howard did an impression of it so the guy could hear it next time he hears him speak. It's subtle. Howard said they spend time with him so they know it. The caller asked him to play a clip of him doing it. Scott tried to do it for him. Howard asked if they have tape of him doing it. Howard said he just did it. Howard told them to play that back. He said it's like a balloon letting out the last bit of air. Scott tried doing it to be funny but Howard goofed on him about that. Howard said it's kind of like a death rattle. Jason said its like when you turn off a car and it has that last rattle.

  Howard said listen carefully to this clip. He had a clip of a bunch of Scott's breathing strange during a recording session. Howard and the guys goofed on Scott some more about that. Howard played a ''Summer of Scott'' bit. They went to break a short time later.

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• Howard's Game Of Thrones Confusion. 07/17/17. 8:45am
  After the break Howard came right back and said he was driving around in his car listening to his channels on vacation. He said he was laughing hard at something. He let out a belch and he laughed so much he never finished that thought.

  Howard said he slept so well last night. He said he rarely does that. Howard said they were giving away stuff about last night's Game of Thrones. Howard said he had no idea the name of the Khaleesi. Howard said he didn't know it was Daenerys Targaryen. He said that he doesn't know the character's names on the show but he's a fan. He said he doesn't know much of the plot of the show. He said he just knows people are trying to become king and get that throne. Howard said he just thinks of Khaleesi as the woman who gets naked and has dragons. He said he should stop watching the show. He said he's not sure why he watches it.

  Howard said he's very confused about the show. He said there's that blonde woman and he thinks she fucks her brother on the show. He said he's not sure of what their names are. He said fuck this show. He said he wants to be free of the show. He said he just finished House of Cards and at least they keep it simple. Howard said Robin Wright is some woman. He said she stands perfectly straight and her tits are out. Howard said she can act too. He said they never reference how hot she is on the show. Howard said they should be like ''Holy shit the Vice President is hot!'' Robin said they're not doing that about Melania. Howard said they are.

  Howard said he has the worst posture. He said he has to have Beth remind him to stand up straight. He said Robin Wright stands up so straight. He said he's almost an ape and she stands so straight. Howard said she was nominated for an Emmy and she directed the last episode. Howard said she's an Executive Producer on the show.

  Howard said he has no clue what's going on with Game of Thrones. Howard said they had that guy whose cock got cut off. Howard said he has no idea who he is. He said he doesn't know anyone's name but he's watched the show for 7 years.

  Howard said he heard that Robin Wright was in Wonder Woman. Howard said he did see the new Ape movie. He said that he loves talking apes. He said he loves that fucking ape. He said he loves when they talk. Robin said he doesn't know his name either. Howard said it's Caesar. He said he knows that name. He said Game of Thrones is so confusing. Gary said he agrees with him on that. He said he had to ask Jon Hein a bunch of questions about last night's show.

  Howard said he just finished Al Franken's book (Al Franken, Giant of the Senate) and that was so good. He said that he made a great point about how they say the media has a liberal bias. He said it's not a liberal bias, it's just a ratings bias. They'll do whatever they have to do to get ratings.

  Howard said that he has to get back to Game of Thrones. He said that he's not sure how Jon read those books. He said it seems like a tremendous waste of time. Howard said he'd like a quiz on the most simple fact. Gary asked what the little guy's name is. Howard said he has no idea. He said he calls him by his acting name.

  Gary said Jason read the books and he had to read the books with an iPad in one hand so he could read the map.

  Howard said if he's going to bother to read a book he's going to read about what happened in World War II and not about a make believe place. Robin said all of the TV shows he watches are made up. Howard said that's different. He said he doesn't know the dwarf's name. Howard said that girl went off and studied magical stuff and he doesn't know what was going on there. Howard said they're dragging that kid around on the cot thing. He said he doesn't know that kid's name or who he is. Howard said he knows he's the son of the guy who they killed in the first season.

  Gary said he has some simple trivia. Gary asked him what the continent is where the show takes place. Gary said it's Westeros. Howard said he has no idea.

  Howard asked if they even know the name of the hot chick who was shamed. Robin and Gary knew her name. Gary asked what Jon Snow guards. Howard said he guards that fortress. He didn't know the name of it. Gary said it's the wall he guards. Howard said that's where Trump got that wall idea.

  Howard said JD is annoyed with him that he doesn't know the name of the wall. JD told Howard to stop watching the show if he doesn't know the name of the wall. JD said he calls it the wall too. Howard said JD doesn't know the name of the wall either. JD said it is called the wall. Howard said he thought it had a name. JD said no. Howard said he's an asshole. Howard said he knew he was guarding a wall. Robin said he called it a fortress. Howard said he doesn't get why they can't get laid. Howard said that fat kid who killed one of the monsters, he doesn't even know the name. Gary said that's Sam. Howard asked why he gave him the name. Jon Hein came in and said he knows his last name. Howard asked why he can bang. He had a lot of questions. Jon was telling Howard a bunch of things about the show. Howard said Jon takes the show very seriously. Jon said you can still watch and enjoy it without knowing it all.

  Howard said there are so many people in the show he doesn't know names of. He said he watches it week after week and he doesn't know. Gary said the old woman in the show that he was talking about was in The Avengers. Howard said he knew that. He said she used to be hot. Jon went over some of the character names and who they are in the show.

  Jon went over the Lanister family and the Stark family. Howard asked about some that he didn't know. Howard said fuck this when Jon was going over some characters. Howard asked Jon a bunch of questions and Jon knew a lot about the show. Howard asked if he knows who the Secretary of State is. Jon did not. Howard said maybe he should be studying that. Howard said his name is Rex Tillerson.

  Howard said he doesn't want to talk about this anymore. Howard said Jon is another guy who doesn't exercise. Howard said Jon's wife has the hottest body. He said she works out all the time. Howard said Jon got her... Howard said people wonder how he got his wife too though. Howard said Jon's wife likes to show off her body. Robin said that's why she likes to be next to Jon. Howard said Jon is a huge human being. He said she looks even more hot and svelte next to Jon. Howard said it's like if you put a big tablecloth behind her. Howard said their theory is that she's so thin because Jon eats everything.

  Howard said that they're all shot out of a cannon after vacation. He said they have to take a break. He said someone said no one uses the term ''Shot out of cannon.'' He said this guy was trying to say that it isn't a thing. Howard said it's a common saying. Robin said she thinks people still know what cannons are. Howard said of course they do. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.

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• July Birthdays. 07/17/17. 9:15am
  After the break Howard came right back from break and said he has to talk to Beth about something. He said they have a deck but the doors were open and the air conditioning was on in the room. He said he has to turn it off himself. Howard said he gets upset about it because the idea is to cool the room off a little bit. Howard said it would be like heating the pool in the winter. He said he makes a good living but he hates to waste money. Robin asked if the room is cut off to the other rooms. Howard said no. Robin said she's not sure how you keep everything air conditioned and not air condition that area. Howard said he wants it figured out today.

  Howard said it was his wife's birthday and she doesn't like a fuss about her birthday. He said he was going to throw her a party but she said don't do it. Howard said he can tell she just doesn't want a party. He said he thinks she'd like it but she doesn't want a fuss made. Howard said he took her at her word. Howard said he made a fuss about her birthday and bought her gifts. Howard said she offered him sex. Howard said he didn't even have to ask.

  Howard said Fred had a birthday while they were away too. He said that's July 9. He asked how old he is. Fred said he's 62. Howard one person was celebrating. Howard said it was Angry Alice. Howard had a voicemail from her wishing Fred a happy birthday.

  Howard said he doesn't like the in love Alice. He likes her when she's angry. Robin said she's glad they heard from her. Howard said he doesn't like it when she's nice like that. Howard said it's so transparent. Howard said he could woo her too. Howard said he wants funny though. He wants her angry. Howard said she forced out an Arriva derce. Robin said she was worried about her. She wondered where she has been. Howard said he doesn't know.

  Howard said he has some audio from Fred's birthday party. He played a clip of what sounded like a horror movie. Howard had a song the guys made using clips of Fred making noises on his mic. Howard wished Fred a happy birthday after that. Howard said that song was everything Fred has said in the past year.

  Howard said most of the songs that come in are about Robin. He said no one else gets a sex song parody. He said this one is about Fred's penis. Howard played the song which was about Fred's dick. Howard asked how that is. Fred said it's not bad.

  Howard said it's true that most of the songs are about Robin's tits. Robin asked if Gary and Baba Booey songs are being made. Howard said no.

• A Bobo Update. 07/17/17. 9:20am
  Howard said he was driving around in his car over the weekend and they were replaying the Bobo shaming and things like that. Howard said he's back to being Bobo now. Howard took a call from Bobo and asked how it feels. Bobo said that it feels great and Stern Nation has welcomed him with open arms. Howard laughed and said he doesn't know about that. Howard played a Little Mikey song parody about Bobo getting his name back.

  Howard said he was listening to the walk of shame thing. He said he loved the Steve from Florida name. He said they got a lot of email about the walk of shame. Howard read some of the email where fans were talking about the walk of shame and seeing Bobo out on the street. Howard read about what people were saying about his dick and how small it looked that day he was out there. Bobo claims he's about 7 inches. He said that he gets 7 or 8 hard. Howard said that's such a lie. Howard said next time he's there he's going to have a hot chick measure him. Bobo said ''Oh no...'' He said he can't do it. Gary said that he guys were saying it would have to be an amazing growth to be 7 inches. Bobo said he's never had any complaints.

  Howard asked if he had any cock at all. Jason said he did have a cock. Howard said most of his bulge was balls. Howard said he guarantees he doesn't go up to 7 inches. Bobo said it's an easy 7 inches. Howard asked how big it is. Bobo said it's around 7 easy. Howard asked if he measured it from the base of his cock. Bobo said it was from the base. Howard asked if he can take away his Bobo name again if he's not 7 inches. Bobo said he's never had any complaints from the women he's been with.

  Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were calling in as Bobo's penis. Bobo's penis said he's not even close to 7 inches. He said he's maybe an inch on a good day.

  Howard asked Jason if he saw his penis. Jason said he did when he was changing. He said it wasn't a button but it wasn't large. He said his penis was really bent and very flaccid when it was bent. He said it went hard left. Howard asked if he broke his penis. Bobo said he did once. He said he thought he broke it. He said he popped out and then he slammed it down and he had excruciating pain. He said that he didn't take notice about the crooked part. Jason said it looks like an L shape.

  Bobo's penis said he has scoliosis. He said he looks like a boxer's nose. Jason said if he has 7 inches he shouldn't be slipping out of a girl. Howard said one of the guys said his penis turns like an L. Bobo said it's not like that at all. Jason said he did see a curved dick. Howard let Bobo's penis go after that. Howard said maybe he'll become a regular character.

  Robin said she loves how Bobo said ''In the head of passion'' when he broke his penis. Bobo said he hated to say that seatbelts are for losers during the walk of shame. Howard said they don't have to recap the whole thing.

  Howard read more email about Bobo. He had some negative stuff. Bobo thought most of the hate went away. Bobo said he has to get his name verified on Twitter. Howard said he did have some song parodies come in about Bobo. Howard played one of those.

  Howard let Bobo go after that. Howard said you can only stay on the phone with him so long before you get annoyed. Robin said when he starts reading his statements it gets annoying. Howard said Bobo thinks that he's good on the show. Howard said they make him good.

  Howard said they're going to put out an album of song parodies about Steve from Florida. Howard played a bit they created with those songs. They had a bunch of quick clips of songs about Steve from Florida. They went to break after that.

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• New Phony Phone Call And Howard's Planet Of The Apes Screening. 07/17/17. 9:40am
  After the break Howard came right back and said Robin never answers her cell phone. Robin said neither does Howard. Howard said that's not true. Robin said she called him as many times as he called her. Howard said he didn't leave a message at least 3 times. Robin said she called him back. She said the last time she didn't leave a message. She said she called at least 2 times and didn't leave a message. Howard said he wanted to have a real conversation with her off the air. Howard said it was some sort of interaction. Howard said that's all it's about when you boil it down.

  Howard said that he didn't play a phony phone call today. He said he has Caitlyn Jenner calling into a religious show. Howard said she's freaked out because she's being haunted by the ghost of her penis in this one. Howard played the call and fake Caitlyn Jenner said she was being haunted by a ghost of a loved one. She said it was her cock. The hosts of the show told her to get a bible. Caitlyn said her cock ghost was floating around knocking over lamps and stuff. The hosts were trying to talk about Caitlyn said it was going after her cat and it just slimed her. The hosts kept trying to talk but Caitlyn kept talking over them.

  Howard said that was a good one. He said that was Caitlyn calling into a religious show and saying her ghost chock was haunting her house. Howard said he liked when she said the ghost was going into her mouth.

  Howard said he ended up seeing the new Planet of the Apes movie. Howard said he doesn't go to the theater. He said that he has it in his head that people would bother him there. He said people don't bother him when he does go. He said once in a while a movie studio sends him the movie. He said he got offered the new Planet of the Apes. He said he has an elaborate system in his house that they think is unhackable. Howard said he can't bootleg these movies. He said he went into his screening room which is his TV room. He said that it's a bigger TV. Howard said he went to put it on in there and something was wrong. He said a fuse blew or something. He said he found a TV that would work. He said he had to watch it on a smaller TV.

  Howard said on the screen it said ''Howard Stern'' and the date. He said he has just 48 hours to watch the movie. He said he can't even pause it because it goes back to the beginning. He said he's not going to bootleg their movie so he's not sure why they do this. Howard said he had to see this thing. Howard said he put it on but in the middle of the screen it says ''Howard Stern.'' Howard said sometimes there are subtitles and you can't read it because his name is so big. Howard said they put all of this money into visual effects and audio and they have his name across the screen. Howard said the first Planet of the Apes was ridiculous. He said they had face masks on. He said even then he loved the movie. He said this new stuff is really cool. He said they lock up the apes in a concentration style camp. Howard said Woody Harrleson is locking them up and he's really good in this movie. Howard said the apes are such good people. He said the whole movie they're just asking to be left alone and they won't attack the humans. Howard said then the people are attacking. Howard said they even fling their feces. He said it's old school.

  Howard said what was cool about this ape movie was that they didn't try to make any of the female apes a hot chick. Howard said they did that in the first one. Howard said you're not going to fuck any of these apes.

  Howard said he was about to bail on this movie and he just hacked through it. He said he was never going to go to the theater to see it. Howard said they create an unhackable thing but they still put his name on it. Howard said maybe put it in the corner. Howard said he doesn't want to watch the movie with his name on it.

  Robin said other people come in and say they get the movie without their name on it. Howard said he thinks it's just him. He said that they think he's going to bootleg the movie and sell it on the corner. Howard said he's just so happy to see it. Howard said he could have had some movers and shakers over to watch it. He said he could have had Wayne Siegel over.

  Howard said for some reason he's high risk. He said he's so fucking honest though. He said even with his name through it the movie was good. Howard said it's hard to like a movie with your name in giant print over it.

  Howard said that they don't give him Spider-Man to watch. He said that movie did really well at the box office. He said he was happy to see that the Apes movie did really well.

  Robin said there are movies that she wants to see that aren't rentable yet. Howard said he's like that too. He said he won't buy a movie like Wonder Woman. He said he's going to watch that just once. He said that's unlike Ralph who will watch it like 20 times. Howard said he loves The Godfather but he doesn't need to own it. He said he'll just rent it again if he wants to see it. Howard said he really liked the Planet of the Apes movie. He said its really good.

• Howard Takes Some Calls. 07/17/17. 10:00am
  Howard took a call from Apples who asked if he has seen the new Spider-Man yet. Howard said not yet. Apples said that Aunt May is played by Marissa Tomei. Howard said that's confusing because she's hot. Howard said in the comic book she was an old bag. Robin asked what she was to Peter's father. Howard said he doesn't know. Howard said maybe she has that aging disease. Apples said without giving any spoilers the movie is great and they do try to old her up by making her wear high pants and wear glasses. Howard said he knew a guy who followed Marissa on a hike once and he said that her ass was talking to him. Howard said this guy said saw this girl in front of him and her ass was talking to him. He said her ass was so awesome that it was drawing him in. Howard said he told him to get his head examined.

  Robin said she and Ralph saw Marissa naked in a play. Howard asked how she looked. Robin said she looked great. Howard asked if she was shaved. Apples said he likes a full bush. Howard said if you like a full bush there's something wrong with you as a man. Howard said he doesn't like a full bush.

  Robin said some women think that being shaved fully makes it seem like men want a young girl. Howard said it has nothing to do with that. He said it's about the hair being gross. Howard said Lenny Dykstra likes a full bush. Howard asked what that tells you.

  Robin said that sometimes Marissa didn't take off her clothes. She said that night they saw her she did get naked. Howard said he'd be pissed if she didn't get naked. He said he'd demand his money back. Howard said he odes want to see Spider-Man and they should send it to him without his name across the middle of the screen.

  Robin asked Howard if they insist that Stan Lee be a bad actor every time. Howard said he invented all of those characters and he thinks that the fans appreciate seeing him in it. Howard said he didn't make money off the comic books. Howard said he gets what Robin is saying but it's become a thing. Howard said he's not an actor. Robin said that people always whisper that it's Stan Lee. Robin said he reads lines and doesn't just say them. Howard said he's always like a passing cab driver or something. Howard said he'll whisper it to Beth too. Howard said she's like ''You fucking nerd.''

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a book recommendation for him. He said it's called ''Runnin' with the Devil'' and it's a look into Van Halen from a band manager who worked with them from 78 to 85. Howard said he would read that. Howard spent a minute talking to the guy but the guy was rambling about the book so he let him go. Howard said those guys were so great. He said they made some great music. Fred played ''Runnin' With the Devil'' as they were talking about them.

  Howard said he should take a break and get to news. He said they don't want to overwork themselves. Howard said they have to just do 4 hours. He said that Kelly Ripa only does one hour. They do 4. Howard said this is a great show though. He said he was driving around listening to the show over the vacation laughing his ass off. He said he was laughing at himself. He said he doesn't remember half the stuff he says anyway.

  Robin said they did a 30 for 30 about Mike and the Mad Dog. Howard said he heard about that. Robin said she saw Mad Dog out promoting it. Howard said he got annoyed hearing about how he and Mike changed radio. Howard said he was wondering what kind of reinvention of history that was. Robin said she didn't see Mike out doing any promotion for it. Howard said he must not care. Howard did a live commercial read after that. They went to break a short time later.

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• Shia LaBeouf Meltdown Clips. 07/17/17. 10:15am
  After the break Howard came right back and said it's time for some news. He said he never played the Shia LaBeouf thing. He said he has tape of him yelling at the cops. He said that guy is pretty crazy. He said he wants to get him on the show but he heard he's afraid of what he might say. He said Miley Cyrus is another one like that. Howard said Shia was arrested and he's yelling at the cop calling him a dumb fuck. He said he feels bad for the cop.

  Howard played the clip of Shia going off on the cop and tell him to take the cuffs off his arm. Howard said he's not that famous. He said he was in Transformers and that's about it. Howard asked if he's doing a rap thing or black affect or what. Howard played more of the clip and Shia is calling the cop a stupid bitch. He was going on and on calling the cop names and saying he has millionaire lawyers. He was also talking about how there are cameras all over the place.

  Howard said Shia issued an apology. He said before he did that he was yelling at the cop at the police station. Howard played some of that audio too. Shia was still calling the guy a bitch and a fucking whore. Howard said this guy had a major career. Shia was screaming about how the cuffs were too tight and screaming. Howard said in the old days the cops would have taken him in a back room and whacked him in the head.

  Howard said so many resources were wasted on this. He said years ago you could take a kid like this and whack some sense into him. Robin said you can't take him in the 50s and even do that. Robin said he would have made a big stink even then. Howard said he would have had dents in his head.

  Howard had some audio of Shia rapping on Shade 45. Howard said he was in Transformers. He said he could have done some big blockbusters and then made money from that and done a movie once a year. He said he could have had it all.

  Howard said Shia did apologize for all of this. He said he didn't record it though. He said he did say that this was a new low for himself. Howard said he can rap about as good as Shia. Howard did a quick rap and it was about the same.

  Howard read Shia's statement about his behavior. Howard said Shia said he has been struggling with sobriety publicly for a while now.

  Howard said he's gotten hammered before but he's never behaved anything like this. Robin said he just goes home to sleep when he gets hammered. Howard said Shia is going to be in a movie about John McEnroe. He said maybe he was in character.

• Robin's News. 07/17/17. 10:25am
  Howard had Fred play Robin a song parody. Fred played one from Little Mikey about Robin giving him a reach around.

  Robin started off with a story about OJ Simpson's parole hearing coming up this Thursday. Howard said they're going to put it on TV. JD said it's going to be on ESPN. Howard said he has to find that channel on his TV. He has no idea where it is. Robin said he hopes he can get paroled so he can be on the next Bachelor. Robin read about how he could be walking the streets as a free man in the fall. Howard said this is really about not being convicted for murder. Robin said that's not how the system works. Howard said it's a wink-wink thing. Howard and Robin spent a few minutes talking about OJ. They were talking about how even Charles Manson had a girlfriend while he's been in jail. Howard had a woman writing to OJ asking to be his girlfriend. Howard said they should have written him. Howard asked if Robin thinks he'll get out. Robin said he could. Howard said imagine he gets out of jail and his girlfriend is him. Howard was making up what he could have written to him. Howard asked Robin if she would rather be with OJ or Lenny Dykstra. Robin said she'd pick OJ.

  Robin read a story about Spotify and the top 20 rock bands in the world. Howard said he's always interested in that. Robin said the rankings are based on the streams they've had in 2017 so far. Howard said it has to be the usual suspects like Pearl Jam and Nirvana. Robin said Coldplay topped the list. Robin had some clips for Howard to play. Robin said 21 Pilots was number 2. Robin said The Beatles were number 3. Metallica was number 4. Howard asked where Yoko finishes. He said he wants to know who is dead last. Robin said the last person on this list was the Rolling Stones. Howard said that's insulting. Howard said he was watching Stones videos on YouTube. He said they're so great. Robin said she heard Mick Jagger is having another baby. Howard said he's like 72 and just doesn't care. Robin said Ringo Starr had a birthday and he's like 78. Howard said he's really into that Peace and Love thing now. He said he's such a hippie that he thinks that can change the world. He said he loves the guy but he must be senile thinking that can change the world.

  Howard had the audio of Ringo making that appeal to say ''Peace and love'' at noon on July 7th. Howard said that he doesn't think that Paul or John would do that. He said that was Ringo's birthday wish. He asked if thinks he really thinks that it will become a thing. Howard said it would be cuckoo for him to do something like that to his audience. Howard did a live commercial read after that.

  Robin read a story about Christie Brinkley's son dating this Nina Agdal. Robin said she's the ex of Leo DiCaprio. Howard said she must be hot. He said he'd date any woman who dated Leo. He said he vets them. Howard said it would be an honor to be with one of them. Howard said he had friends who would point out how hot the girls were that he was dating. He said he feels that Leo vets these women for other guys. He said that he is the ultimate judge. He said the women don't talk about him either. Robin said they just move on to the next guy and don't bad mouth him. Howard said he's all about the pussy. Howard said Christie's son is a good looking kid. Howard said Beth clues him in on the world of models. He said that he shouldn't be a model like his mom because it won't pay off. Howard wondered if Leo ever banged any fat chicks. He said the fattest one might have been the Israeli model who weighed like 84 pounds. Robin wondered if he's ever seen a ''real'' woman as Howard's mom would call them. Howard said he may not have ever seen anything like that. He wondered if he's so spoiled that he can't get it up for anything but a 10. Howard wondered if it's sort of shallow. Robin said she's sure he's never had real love. Robin said the women don't stay long enough. Howard said he has to interview him. He said he demands it. Howard said you'd think that the models would learn and figure out what Leo is doing and not date him. Howard did a live commercial read after that.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he woke up this morning excited about the show and then he sees Bobo in a rainbow hat and glasses. He said it was so ridiculous. Howard asked why he follows him. The caller said he didn't know he even followed him. Howard said come on. He said he follows him because of that kind of stuff.

  Robin asked if they're creating any good actors these days because even the new Spider-Man is played by a guy from Great Britain. Howard said that the girl in the movie isn't so hot either. He said in the comic books she was hot. Robin said he was interested in some black women in the movie. Howard said he doesn't mind that but they have to be hot.

  Robin read a story about George Romero dying. Robin said he started the whole zombie movie thing. Howard said he didn't like those. Howard said he wasn't into zombies until The Walking Dead. Robin said it was new and surprising when Romero did it. Howard said he doesn't like that. He said that's not real. He was doing his Soupy Sales impression talking about that. Richard came in and said he called George Romero at home. He said he made it the best night of his life. He said back in the year 2000 he can a friend went to this event that George was at for the Halloween movie. He said George came walking out of the movie and he started talking to them randomly. He said he was so down to earth and genuine. He said it was so great to have him come over and treat him like a regular guy. He said he and his friend Jerry drank Scotch with George and they got his phone number. Howard ended up goofing on Richard about the way he was telling the story. Robin pointed out Richard's bad grammar so Howard took that and ran with it. Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were doing a George Romero as a zombie call. Howard said he likes zombie George Romero. Howard spent a little time talking to zombie George.

  Howard took a call from King of All Blacks and asked him to keep it short. Howard said it's near the end of the show. King said the greatest car right now is the AMG G63 Mercedes Truck in Paprika. Howard asked if there's a color called Paprika. King said yes. King told Howard about the truck and how crazy it is. Howard asked who would want Paprika colored car. King said it's great. Howard said he likes black. King said it's like $158,000. He said the guy said he could come get it and drive it for an hour and a half. He said he was straight up with the guy but he did use Howard's name. Howard asked if he thinks he's going to promote his dealer. King said he did say that but he won't do it. Howard said he never lived his life like that dreaming about a car. He said he really has to go. King said he has to tell him about another car. He said it's the 2018 M4 BMW convertible. Howard let him go after that. Howard said he's interested in his take on things but not this late in the show. Howard wondered what's up with the dealer letting King of All Blacks drive a car around for a couple of hours.

  Robin read a story about Don King and how he's still advising Donald Trump. Robin said if he has something urgent they'll put Trump on the phone with him. Howard wondered what issues he'd talk to him about. Robin said he apparently asked King about firing Michael Flynn. Howard said she has to be kidding. Robin said not at all. Howard said he figured it would be like questions about making his hair higher.

  Robin read a story about the health care bill and how the vote is being held off because John McCain had to have some surgery. Howard said he had a blood clot in his eye. Robin had some details about that. Robin said that Senator Rand Paul doesn't believe the GOP has the votes to pass the bill. Robin had some audio of Paul talking about that.

  Robin read a story about Roger Federer winning 2 championships this year. Robin said he won Wimbeldon for the 8th time. Robin said he's 36 years old. Howard said it seems like he's been around a long time. Robin read more about his titles that he won this year. Howard asked if she ever fantasizes about him when she's playing with herself. Robin said she doesn't and this weekend she had to stop herself from staring at his butt. Howard said good for her. Robin read about the female tennis player who won Wimbeldon too. Howard asked Robin why she would stop herself from looking at his ass. Robin said she doesn't want to enjoy his ass. She said there are others she'd rather look at.

  Robin read about how Caitlyn Jenner is thinking about running for senate. Robin wrapped up her news after that. Howard ended the show around 11:15am.

• Howard's Evening Of TV And Porn. 07/18/17. 7:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: ''My Name Is Jack Mayhoffer'' song parody, a phony phone call to a restaurant using Ronnie the Limo Driver audio clips, John Mellencamp performing a medley of songs in the Howard Stern Show studio, Bobo singing ''The Great American Nightmare.''

  Howard started the show playing a fake Joan Rivers clip announcing who they have coming in today. They have Navy SEAL Robert O'Neill coming in.

  Howard said he was very gay yesterday. He said he had his weekly meeting with Ralph who does his wardrobe. Howard said he hardly does anything now though because he's not on TV. He said he has some Tommy John underwear and he thinks he's going from Large to Extra Large. He said Ralph brought over every bit of Tommy John underpants. He said they have different styles and he didn't realize how many they have. Howard said he was using the one that he likes. He said the one he likes has 5 different materials. He said they have an amazing assortment of products. Howard said he'd put on the underwear and prance around. He said he was walking around like he was in a gay club seeing if the guys there liked him. He said it was very gay.

  Howard said Ralph suggested he just try them on and let him know what he likes and he can order it. Howard said he liked showing them off in front of Ralph though. He said he did jerk off to some lesbian porn last night though.

  Howard said he's getting a bunch of sports underpants for when he runs. He said he's going to get rid of his large underpants collection. He said he asked Ralph if he wanted the old ones. He said he'd never do that but he figured Ralph would be honored.

  Howard said he watched the new Game of Thrones and he didn't like it that much. Howard said there's going to be a big war on the show and he's not sure how the Khaleesi can lose. He said she has 3 dragons that breathe fire. Howard said they can just breathe and they have an instant win. Howard said it's like going back to the Civil War and bringing grenades and AR's. Howard had to clear his throat so he played a Game of Thrones bit where they talked about the show not knowing names of the characters.

  Howard said the Khaleesi has the dragons and all of those ships. He said she's got to win. Robin asked how they fight her. Howard said he doesn't know. Howard said they should just bow down and not fight. Robin said he's right.

  Howard said he went to Jon Hein with that and he did say there are ways to fight the dragons. Howard said that's bullshit. He said they did get locked up in a jail cell. Robin said they were just babies at the time though. Howard said he didn't know that.

  Howard said he got into bed at 6:30 after beating off. He said it was a good lesbian one on YouPorn that was on their front page. Howard said it was a step mom with her step daughter and her friend. Howard said she was teaching them now to do lesbianism. Howard said the step mom was all over making out and rubbing titties with the friend. He said the step daughter catches them and gets upset. They walk outside and then they show the daughter how to do stuff. Howard said the step daughter loved it and now she's friends with the step mom. Howard said the three of them were having a party. He said he didn't get past that. He said he was done by then.

  Howard said he nodded off during Game of Thrones a few times. He said he went to bed after that and then he was up at midnight. He said he watched The Bachelorette when he got up. He said that he knows some white people don't like that they have a black Bachelorette. Howard said this girl comes form a high level family. He said she's a prosecuting attorney. He said she speaks regular English but the guy she's dating has no grammatical abilities at all. Robin said she knows who he's talking about. She said he's been bothering her for a while now. Howard said this guy can't speak. He said she can't bring him around to her father. Howard said the guy said ''I never brung a girl to my house before.'' He said that won't fly around this woman's father.

  Howard said the ratings are down 24 percent this season according to a note he got. Howard said he's not racist and he's watching. Howard said he was up at midnight watching that until 2 in the morning. He said he had his coffee this morning but it's not working yet. Robin said he has to try Bulletproof coffee and he'll be shot out of a cannon.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he ever talks to his therapist about the step sibling porn. Howard said he's too embarrassed. Howard said there's a lot he won't discuss. Howard said Robin has told him he has to talk about everything but he won't talk about that. He said he doesn't have a problem with it. He said he likes watching that premise. He said he knows it's funny so he talks about it on the show. Howard said he won't talk about it with his therapist though. He said if he wanted to have sex with his own step daughter he might talk about it in therapy. Robin asked if he's ever talked about that kind of stuff. Howard said he doesn't talk about everything in therapy. He said he's ashamed. He said he figured by now he wouldn't be jerking off.

  The caller said the step sibling thing turns him off immediately. Howard said it's all fake. He said they women are all the same age and it's just acting. He said it's ridiculous to think that it's anything else. He said he has no problem with it. Howard told the caller to leave him alone.

  Howard said he doesn't have a problem with the porn and he doesn't want to talk about it. Robin said it means he thinks he's less of a... Howard said he has no problem with it. Howard said he won't tell him he even watches the Bachelorette. Howard said it's not a problem. He said he doesn't talk about giving Ralph an underwear show. He just talks about things he has a problem with. The caller wished Howard luck with that.

  Robin said the point is that he can't talk about it with his therapist. Howard said that guy is intellectual and doesn't even watch TV. Robin said he's interested in being something in his eyes and living up to some standard that he can't live up to. Howard said Robin is the only person who ever got cured by a therapist. Robin said she used to talk about sex with her therapist. She said she told the therapist about seeing a movie and the movie had a lesbian theme. Howard asked if this is the therapist who ran out of the room crying. Robin said that didn't happen. Howard said he was just kidding. Robin said the therapist wanted to go with the lesbian thing. Robin said she isn't a lesbian and she didn't go down that road. Howard said he's not going to explore that kind of thing either. He said he likes chicks.

• Phone Calls And More. 07/18/17. 7:20am
  Howard took a call from a guy who wished Fred a Happy ''Burfday.'' Howard said he must be a black guy. Howard said it's Birthday, not Burfday. Howard asked him to spell it for him. Howard asked where he got the U from. The caller was laughing and saying he knows the word. Howard said the black guy on The Bachelorette could get the girl if he polished up his grammar.

  The caller said he was calling to talk about Ralph being a great friend. He said walking around in his underwear in front of Ralph would be the best video ever. Howard said Ralph vomited. The caller also asked about the song they had in Game of Thrones. Howard said he missed half of it. He said he fell asleep. He also didn't want to ruin anything with spoilers.

  Howard said that he should do commercials for Tommy John. Howard said he would have like 10 million people show up for an underwear show.

  Howard said he's really excited about his guest today. He said this guy is a tough guy. He said this guy was part of the SEAL Teams that killed bin Laden. Howard said he could spend 10 hours learning about the training alone. Howard said he couldn't survive that. Howard said guys like this are the guys who should be rock stars. Howard said Robin should give him a lap dance today. Robin said she was thinking about how they call actresses brave when they don't wear makeup in a movie. Robin said this is a brave man. Howard said Robin has to do something for him. Howard said Fred has agreed to blow him already.

  Howard said he has to take a break. He said when they come back they have to give away some Guns N' Roses tickets. Howard said they have a special concert at the Apollo on Thursday. Howard said they're going to air it on Howard 101. He said they have two people playing for tickets today. He said they have a Guns N' Roses contest going on. He said they developed a whole game around it. Howard said people are asking him if he's going to be there. Howard said the answer is no. He said he can't stay up that late. He said he's such a puss. Howard said they're slated to go on around 10 o'clock and he can't stay up that late. Howard said he wants to see them but he doesn't think he could stay awake. Howard said he was in bed at 6:30 last night. He said if they had it at 3:30 in the afternoon he'd be fine. Howard said you'd think he could rally for one night but he can't.

  Howard asked if Axl has ever played at lunch time. He said it broke his heart not to go. He said Scott Greenstein sent him a personal invite. Howard said he can't make it though. Robin said she's seen them live before and it was one of the greatest concerts she's ever seen. Howard said he just can't do it. He said he'd miss 3 weeks of radio work if he did go. He said he can't do that.

  Howard said he can't miss a day or he has to make it up. He said he owes SiriusXM 112 days a year.

  Howard said one of the contestants got his first blow job on line at a Guns N' Roses concert. Fred played a woman giving oral. Howard wondered who that was. Gary said that's Aurora Snow. Gary said the dad was on the show and he got mad that they played the clip. Howard said that's her acting though. Gary said he knows that. Howard asked why the guy would get mad at him. He said he didn't want to get into it anyway. Howard said the other contestant drove up from Florida yesterday because he wants to go to the concert. Howard said he really has to take a break. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.

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• Guns N' Roses Trivia Contest. 07/18/17. 7:40am
  After the break Howard came right back and started the Guns N' Roses Ticket Contest. Howard said they have a couple of contestants playing for tickets to the show this Thursday. Howard said the guys are Anthony and Tyler. Howard said Anthony knows a lot about Guns N' Roses but he says Tyler knows even more. Anthony said he thinks that the new bucks are going to run away with this. Howard asked if he's trying to lull him into a comfort. Tyler said he thinks that's what's going on.

  Howard said Anthony from Florida claims he once shit his pants on his way to a Guns N' Roses concert. Robin asked if that's Richard in disguise. Howard said it's not. Howard said Robin once shit her pants on a run. Robin said she was returning home from a run. Howard asked Anthony what he did with his underwear. Anthony said the shit pooled up in his buddy's seat. He said he went to the concert and bought new pants. He said he changed out and came out. Anthony said it was one of the hottest days in Pittsburgh. He said they were spraying the audience with a fire hose and he ended up cleaning up with that hose. Howard said please don't shit your pants at the Apollo. Howard said Anthony drove up from Florida yesterday and he's 44 years old. He works in Real Estate.

  Howard said Tyler is from New Jersey and he's been a big Guns N' Roses fan since he was in the womb. Howard said he's been to 37 Guns N' Roses concerts. Howard asked him to tell them about the blow job he got in line. Tyler said he was talking to a girl in line and one thing led to another. He said the line backed up and she takes him into an alley and started making out. Then she started blowing him. He said what fucked it up was a critter that came out from under the dumpster. He said the thing came out behind his leg. He said he went soft immediately and she just gave him the pat and walked off. Howard asked if she was hot. Tyler said she was hot. He said he hasn't spoken to her since then. Howard said Tyler is a pizza delivery guy and he's 24. Tyler said he's a musician too.

  Howard said they have all kinds of categories and stuff to get to. Howard said they are playing for tickets to this concert. Howard said they have trivia and then they'll move on to a second category. He said he'll tell them about it when they get there.

  Howard started with Anthony and asked what band Guns opened for when their album Appetite for Destruction came out. Tyler got the answer right after Anthony got it wrong. It was Aerosmith.

  Howard asked Anthony what town Axl grew up in. Anthony guessed it was Waco Texas. Tyler knew it was Indiana. He didn't get the town.

  Howard asked Anthony which music legend Slash caught in bed with his mom. Anthony got it wrong with Waylon Jennings. Tyler got it right with David Bowie.

  Howard asked Anthony what name Axl went by until he was 17 years old. Anthony said Butch. Howard said he's wrong. Tyler said it was Bill Bailey and got it right.

  Howard asked Anthony what label released Appetite for Destruction. Anthony got it right with Geffen.

  Howard asked Tyler what song is their only number 1 song. He got it right with Sweet Child O' Mine.

  Howard asked Anthony who owns the band's songs. Axl was the right one and he got it right. Howard asked Tyler about a restaurant that Duff owns. Neither guy got it right.

  Howard said now it's the Asian Pete category. He said this is the first question for Anthony. Howard said he'll play a clip of Pete singing a Guns N' Roses song and he has to identify which song it is. Howard played a clip and Pete was singing something that was unintelligible. Anthony guessed it was ''Feces, Feces.'' Howard played the song for Tyler. Tyler guessed it was Paradise City. It was ''It's So Easy.''

  Howard went back to Anthony who is losing 2-4. Howard said that Pete is going to sing another song. Howard played the clip and Anthony guessed it was ''Mr. Brownstone'' and got it right. Howard had fake Slash on the phone and said that if Anthony wins they won't let him in because he sounds like a total dick head.

  Howard played a clip of Asian Pete singing for Tyler. Tyler guessed it was ''Sweet Child O' Mine'' and got it right.

  Howard said they have one more. He played the clip for Anthony. Anthony guessed it was ''November Rain'' and got it right.

  Howard said that it's 5-4 now. Howard said Tyler has 5 and Anthony has 4. Howard said he's going to give Tyler one more. Howard played the clip and Tyler guessed Pete was singing ''Patience.'' He was wrong. Howard said it was ''Coma.'' Tyler said that's not a popular song. Howard said he'll give him one more chance.

  Howard took a call from fake Duff and he said that if Anthony wins he's breaking up the whole band again.

  Howard played a clip for Tyler and Tyler guessed Pete was singing ''Paradise City.'' He was wrong. Anthony guessed ''Patience.'' He was right. Howard said it's a great song. Howard said the score is tied now.

  Howard said this game is exciting. Howard said this category is finish the lyric. He said they can just recite it and not write them down. Howard said he's going to play a Guns N' Roses song and ask them to complete the lyric. Howard said he's going to Tyler first. Howard played the clip and Tyler was able to get the lyrics right.

  Howard went to Anthony and played him a song. Anthony was unable to complete the lyrics. Howard said he's wrong and that was horrible. Howard asked Tyler if he knows it. Tyler asked him to play it again. After hearing it he got the lyrics right. Howard said this guy knows his shit.

  Howard said he's smelling another blow job in his future. Robin asked if he gets more than one ticket. Howard said he gets 2. Anthony was up there alone so he said he'd take Tyler with him. Howard asked Tyler who he'd take. Tyler said he has a friend named Tyler who he will take.

  Howard played another song for Anthony and asked him to complete the lyrics. He got that right. Howard said look at him coming on strong. Howard played another one for Tyler after that. Tyler got that one right. Howard said look at this guy. He said they're good. Howard said Tyler is winning 8 to 6.

  Howard took a call from fake Steven Adler who said this guy Anthony blows. He said they should sit him in the Douche Bag section.

  Howard said these boys are playing for tickets to the Guns N' Roses concert. Howard said they have 1500 seats at the Apollo. Howard said it's going to be broadcast live on Howard 101.

  Howard said he has the Boston Bomber on the phone. He took that call and that guy said this guy Anthony sounds like a real dick. He said he's going to blow himself up.

  Howard said now Gary Dell'Abate is going to walk in with his trumpet and play a Guns N' Roses song. Howard asked Gary to tune up a little bit. Gary did that and Howard cut him off. Howard said Gary is going to play a song and Anthony has to guess what song it is. Gary played a song and it wasn't identifiable. Howard asked what song it is. Anthony said ''It's so Easy.'' He was wrong. Howard asked Gary to play it again for Tyler. Anthony said Howard should see what Gary does to that mouth piece. Gary said the guys in the back were saying this guy is the worst guy who they've ever had up there. Anthony said he doesn't think before he speaks and he doesn't really care. Howard said he has a deaf guy on the phone. That guy said between the trumpet and Anthony he's going to hang himself.

  Howard had Gary play a song for Tyler. Gary tried playing one and Tyler got it wrong. It was ''Knockin' On Heaven's Door.'' Howard said Gary should form a band with Asian Pete. Howard wondered what that would sound like. Howard said maybe he can put that together. He had Pete singing and Gary playing trumpet over him. Howard asked how many years of trumpet Gary took. Gary said it was 4th through 7th grade.

  Howard said he has Axl Rose on the phone. He picked up on fake Axl and he said he hates this guy Anthony too.

  Howard had Bobo on the phone and Bobo was calling Anthony a douche bag. Anthony said Bobo is so stupid he moved to the middle of the state instead of a coast where there's water in Florida. He said he's dead smack in the middle of the state.

  Howard said the score is still 8 to 6. Howard said Tyler is winning. Howard had Gary play trumpet to another song. Gary played something and Tyler guessed it was ''Welcome to the Jungle.'' He was right.

  Howard said the score is 9-6 and Gary has one more song. Gary tried to play another song for Anthony. Anthony said that was ''Sweet Child O' Mine'' and he was right.

  Howard said Tyler has 9 and Anthony has 7 now. Howard said he's going to have Richard and Sal come in now. He said his category is going to be tough. He said Richard is going to drum on Sal's naked ass. He said he'll play a Guns N' Roses song on his ass. Howard said they'll have to look at Sal's asshole. Sal said they'll have to look at his penis.

  Howard said here we go. Howard went to Anthony first. Howard had Richard drum on Sal's ass. Richard played a song and Anthony guessed it was ''Paradise City'' and he was right. Howard had Richard drum along to the real song. Howard asked how his ass smells. Richard sniffed and Sal said he shit this morning. Richard said he can see dingleberries.

  Howard said now it's 9-8 and it's Tyler's turn. Howard had Richard drum on Sal's ass. Tyler guessed he was playing ''It's So Easy'' and got it right. Howard said Sal's ass is really red.

  Howard said the score is 10-8. Howard said this is the last one. Howard had Richard drum one last time on Sal's ass. Richard did his thing and Sal asked him to move a little bit. Howard said it's really red. Sal said he won't move his hands. Richard said he was hitting the best sounding part of the drum. Anthony guessed it was ''Mr. Brownstone'' but it was actually ''Rocket Queen.'' Howard said Tyler won.

  Howard said he has a douche bag on the phone. That guy said Anthony was killing it today. He told him to keep cracking all of those great jokes.

  Howard said Anthony gave it a good run today. He said Tyler is going to the concert on Thursday. Howard said they have to give Anthony one last shot. He said he'll give him tickets if he gets it right. Sal said he has to hold his foreskin to do it. Anthony said no way that's happening. Richard drummed on Sal's ass one more time. Anthony guessed it was ''Mr. Brownstone.'' He got it right. Howard said he's going to give him tickets too.

  Howard said everyone goes to the concert. Howard said they won't sit Tyler near Anthony... or maybe they will.

  Howard thanked Sal and Richard for that. Richard said his thumb went in Sal's ass crack. He has to go wash it. Sal dared him to lick his thumb and he did it. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.

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• Phony Phone Call And High Pitch Erik Streaming. 07/18/17. 8:25am
  After the break they played a Scott the Engineer Day in Review bit. They also played a Daniel Mendelson song parody about JD loving webcam girls. They played some fake names the guys sent into an internet radio show. As they were coming back they played Fatboy Slim's ''Funk Soul Brother.''

  Howard came back and said he has to get to some stuff before this Navy SEAL comes in. Howard said they had a Make-A-Wish kid call Tan Mom asking her to show her tits. Howard played the call and Richard calls Tan Mom telling her what the kid has and why he's part of the Make-A-Wish thing. They put little Timmy on the phone and Tan Mom said she can tell he's so cute. She said he sounds like a great child. Timmy asked to see boobs before something happens to him. Tan Mom said he shouldn't be talking about this. She said if he wants to go to the beach or go out for ice cream she'll do it but not boobs. She asked how old he is. Timmy said he's 8. Tan Mom said she has to run. Timmy asked to see her ass instead of her boobs. Tan Mom said she has to go. Timmy asked her to put the phone on her boob. Tan Mom left.

  Howard said that poor kid won't get to see boobs. She was telling him to go to school. Howard said he's not going to school if he's dying. Howard said Tan Mom came through in that clip.

  Howard asked if anyone is watching that High Pitch Erik podcast. Howard said it's like a video cast of some kind. Robin said he's gone high tech. Howard said he has. Howard said he's streaming video 24/7. Howard said he saw some disturbing stuff. He said his giant belly looks translucent. Howard asked if they posted the pictures yet. Jason said they'll be up in a couple of minuets. Howard said his belly glows in the dark and it's huge. He said his whole bed is covered by belly.

  Howard said Erik got it together to do this. He said he saw one of the live stream videos got blocked until the guy running this thing agreed to pay for him to fly to Atlanta to see the New Kids on the Block concert. Howard played a clip of Erik going off on this guy Vinnie. Erik said he knows he can hear him and he's not turning that camera around until he buys him the tickets. He wanted first class tickets.

  Howard asked if it's true he's jerking off on camera right now. Robin asked if that's okay with YouTube. Howard said he's not sure.

  Howard said that this guy Vinnie locked Erik's computer mouse until he turned the camera around. Howard played a clip of Erik trying to get into the computer. Erik called Vinnie a dick for locking the mouse. Howard said that might be some imaginary friend he's talking to.

  Howard said Vinnie didn't buy him tickets. Howard said Shuli is on top of all of this. Howard said Erik is threatening Vinnie on camera too. Shuli said he was at the court house when Elephant Boy pressed charges. He said he's done this before. He said this guy Vinnie is a legit lawyer and he's been by his side for years. He said he represented him free of charge when Erik was going through some stuff with his family. He said this is how Erik reacts.

  Howard said he heard they made $3 from this channel. Shuli said that the first channel was shut down. Howard played a clip of Erik threatening to stab this guy. He said fuck you and your wife and kids. Howard said he's like Joe Pesci on helium. Erik was going off on him calling him names.

  Howard said Erik never learns his lesson. Howard said prison might improve his quality of life. He said when he threatens people in that voice isn't funny. Shuli did his impression of that. Shuli said that he has that phlegm in his voice. He said he did a gig with him once and he took a whole thing of Manicotti home with him in the car.

  Howard said it's like a tiny dog that growls at you and you laugh. He said that's what his threats are like. Howard laughed when Shuli did his impression of Erik.

  Howard said Shuli called Erik and Erik stands by his threats. Howard played a clip and Erik said Vinnie deserves it. Shuli asked if he really deserves to be threatened. Shuli said Vinnie has done a lot of stuff for him. Erik said he knows but he doesn't know how badly he wants to go to New Kids on the Block. Erik said he was playing him and he's standing by his threats.

  Howard said this guy is the only guy doing anything for Erik. Shuli said he even lets him use the gym in his building once in a while. He said the guy lives in a really nice building.

  Howard asked if he saw the picture of Erik on his bed at night. Shuli said he looks like a Jellyfish. Howard said he's going to put that up on HowardStern.com. Howard told Robin to go on and look at it. Howard said the picture is up there now.

  Shuli said Gonzo wrote to him last night and said that Erik was watching the comments on YouTube and they're all just shitting on him.

  Robin saw the picture of Erik and said he does look weird. She said you can see the veins on his belly.

  Howard had a clip of Erik going off on Vinnie again and calling him names but then saying he still considers him a friend. Howard said Erik sees everyone in his life as a free faucet of shit. Howard said he has a lawyer.

  Robin asked where he's on camera, on YouTube? Howard said he is making things out better than it is. He said most of the time Erik isn't even in his apartment. Howard said he has to take a break and get to Robert O'Neill. Howard said he has to talk to this guy. Robin said she's seen the training they go through and there's no way Howard could do it. Howard said Robert describes one of the training things where they tie your ankles and hands behind you and throw you in a pool. Howard said you have to bob up and down for like 45 minutes. Howard said if you freak out they throw you out of the program. He said that's crazy. Robin said some of the guys think they're hard core but they just get broken. Howard said he loves all of this stuff. He said he can't wait to talk to him. He said he has seen Keanu Reeves training and he's pretty good. Robin said he doesn't have real bullets flying around him though. Howard went to break a short time later.

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• Navy SEAL Robert O'Neill Visits. 07/18/17. 8:55am
  After the break they played Scott the Engineer's ''Popcorn Lung'' song. They played a phony phone call to an internet radio show with fake Caitlyn Jenner saying she was being haunted by the ghost of her penis. They played a ''Steve from Florida's Leftover Insult Songs'' commercial parody. They played Chris Stapleton's ''Broken Halos'' and a ''Summer of Scott the Engineer'' commercial parody. They played Bon Jovi performing ''Bad Medicine'' in the Howard Stern Show studio and a song parody about Gary that Sal performed. They played a ''The Ronnie Mund GPS'' commercial parody and David Bowie's ''Heroes'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and said he has Navy SEAL Robert O'Neill there. Howard said he's a true American Hero. He said he has a book out called ''The Operator: Firing the Shots that Killed Osama bin Laden and My Years as a SEAL Team Warrior'' which is in stores now.

  Howard said that Navy SEAL thing really blows his mind. Robert said there are some of those superman types in there but most of them are just regular dudes. Howard asked Robert about growing up and if he knew how to swim. Robert said he didn't know how to swim actually. Howard said he knew how to hunt though. Robert said he did. He said he learned very early on that life doesn't go the way you expect. He said he used bolt action rifles as a kid and that helped when he went into the Navy. Robert said they teach everything from scratch though. Howard said they must have wanted to unteach him. Robert said he was taught pretty well so that worked out for him.

  Howard asked if they were shooting pistols and long guns. Robert said they started off with pistols and then move on to machine guns and stuff like that. Howard asked if the pistols get clogged up with mud and stuff. Robert said that he stopped carrying a pistol because if you need to pull one then one of your buddies will have killed the guy already. He said it's either that or you grab one of their guns from a dead guy or something.

  Robert said he never went through more than a magazine and a half in a gun fight. He said that you shoot at what you want to hit. He said you take the shot you need instead of spraying bullets.

  Howard asked if that's the mistake other counties use. Robert said that they think Allah is going to take their bullets where they need to go and that's good for us. Robert said when you're shot at it's a snap and a surprise. He said that by the end of his career it wasn't a good night until you were shot at. He said they generally had the upper hand. He said there have been time when you can't shoot back and reach them when you're in low ground.

  Howard asked Robert about shooting bin Laden and how quickly you have to make that shot. Howard said Robert describes that in his book and he can zero in on all of the stuff he has to do. Robert said he was taller than he thought. Howard said he has to make that decision in 2 seconds. He said he took the shot and split his head open even though he had a woman in front of him. Robert said that's thanks to his training. He said you take a quick look at him and make an assessment. He said that he has dealt with suicide bombers before. He said he saw him and he was taller and thinner than he thought but he knew he was a threat and he had to take him out. Robin said he was the worst coward of them all because he put people in front of him.

  Robert said they describe that it's like a pyramid scheme and the more people they put in front of them the more credit they get when they get into heaven.

  Howard asked about the other SEALs and if they get scared. Robert said fear is natural and healthy. He said the panic is what you have to avoid. He said that you have to keep your head. Robert said he's seen guys who have been afraid but they've never lost it.

  Howard asked what he shot bin Laden with. Robert said it was a ATK 416. He said he was using 5.56MM. He said he hit him 3 times. He said he hit him when he was standing and when he was on the ground.

  Howard asked if there was a feeling of satisfaction. Robert said it didn't hit at first. He said they had to clear the room and there was a kid and a woman in there. He said once they put them on the bed it kind of started to sink in. Robert said one of his buddies asked if he was okay. He said he told him that his life was going to change because he just hit bin Laden.

  Howard asked about how they had to put his head aback together. Robert said they did and they had to take pictures of it. He said there are conspiracy theorists out there who think they don't exist but they do.

  Howard said they were so well rehearsed for that whole thing. He said that's why we can't be beat. Robert said the pilots can fly through a door. He said they had trained so many times and they had a perfect plan. He said they knew what was going to happen and with a day to go they wondered what could go wrong. He said someone said that they could crash in the front yard and it actually ended up happening. He said that it was warmer out and the walls were different than they expected. He said they didn't power up because it could have killed everyone.

  Howard asked if the government tries to keep him in when he says he's retiring. Robert said they were pretty good about it. He said he was offered some training jobs. He said his team did a few big things and it was just time for him to go.

  Robert said that he lost a friend who died just weeks after saying that some day they're going to lose someone on a helicopter. He said that he knew it was time to get out after that happened.

  Howard said there were times when he went to number one and wanted to get out. He said that it's got to be odd to have that many successes. Robert said even later on there was a mission to go into Somalia and he wondered why they didn't get it. He said he still thinks it was time to go.

  Howard said Robert's book is the real deal. He said this guy didn't have dreams of a military career. He grew up in Butte, Montana and he joined to get away from a girl. Robert said that was the first line in the book. He said that he found out that Robin was in the military. He said he found out that most of the people in the military are in because someone broke their heart.

  Howard said Robert describes this girl's face as super model hot. Robert said he is a believer in going on an adventure. He said he had some friends who were Marines and he saw them come home and he thought that was so cool he wanted to do it. Robert said he went to look for a recruiter and he didn't find a Marine. He found a Navy recruiter. He said the guy told him he just had to become a SEAL to become a sniper. Howard said that he didn't know how to swim either. Robert said he did not. Howard said he knew about the test he had to take and he wasn't in shape. He took 6 months to train himself. Robert said he knew a friend who swam for Notre Dame. He said he figured he'd just swim. He said that he had a friend who saw him swimming and worked with him to help him out. Howard said swimming isn't easy. He said they have real swimmers in the SEALs and then there was him. Howard said Robert didn't even know what SEAL was. He didn't know it meant Sea Air and Land.

  Howard said Robert got some medals too. Robert said he did. Howard asked if life seems boring now. Robert said not at all. He said he got enough while he was in.

  Howard asked if there's a threat against him now that he's known as the guy who killed bin Laden. Robert said there are threats. He said they're taking the precautions they can. He said he has security around him when he needs it. He said that they don't advertise where he's going and things like that.

  Howard said he knows a guy who can look into someone's eyes and know that they're up to something. Robert said he's not sure he's that good. He said he's never been able to do that.

  Howard asked if the threat is diminished against him. Robert said when you think it is then it's not. He said you can't let down your guard.

  Howard asked Robert about getting married and if his wife knows what she's doing with a gun and stuff like that. Robert said she knows. He said she's not in the military but she knows what she's doing.

  Howard asked if everyone expects the SEALs to be big guys. Robert said they do. He said they have guys who will kick anyone's ass but they have guys who are good at solving problems. Howard asked if he has ever had to kill someone with a knife. Robert said he has not. He said he knew a guy who did that after getting off a helicopter though.

  Howard asked Robert why he doesn't have PTSD. Robert said he has never seen a guy in his team get hurt in front of him. He said he has never seen a child hurt or killed anyone he didn't mean to. He said that he understands what other guys go through but he hasn't had to deal with that. He said he has seen a lot of stuff but they're doing their job.

  Howard asked how he feels about women in the military. Robert said he's good with it. He said he's worked with some women. He said they can do things that men can't. He said it makes their jobs easier to have women out there. Robert said he knows women who are completely hard core. He said that after the bin Laden raid they were walking though an icy swamp and the two women out there weren't complaining. They were the only two not complaining.

  Howard asked about there not being any women in the SEALs. Robert said there will be some soon. He said he thinks everyone should get a shot and if they make it they make it.

  Howard said Robert describes types of people and how the super cocky ones are the first to go. Howard asked if that's really true. Robert said it is. He said that guy is going to quit and then 5 guys will follow him. He said they think they don't think they can make it if that guy didn't. Robert said you don't make friends until Wednesday of Hell Week. He said you can't tell who is going to make it.

  Howard asked how many guys were in the group when they started. Robert said the first day loses about 80-85 percent of the guys. Howard asked if guys have broken down and cried. Robert said he has seen men cry because of people berating them. Howard asked if he has ever thought about quitting. Robert said he thought about it every day. He said that he was told not to quit the day you think about it. He said they said just wait a day and quit then.

  Howard asked about the push ups and sit ups and pull ups that they had to do and then run 11 miles in boots. Howard said you have to be in shape when you join. Robert said it's a pretty easy test and that's just to get the paper work to get to go. Robert said he failed the first time. He said he failed the push ups. Robert said they got all of their immunizations the day before. He said the next day was the test and he failed miserably. He said he didn't think he was going to make it.

  Howard said he thinks about how they get stronger when they beat the shit out of you constantly. Robert said boot camp is tough just for the Navy. Howard said the SEAL training is 3 phases. He said they stick you in the water first. Howard said you have to tread water for how long. Robert said they do a thing where they tie you up. He said that's a test where they teach you panic won't help. Robert said the first 10 minutes is exhaling so you sink so you can go down to push back up. He said then you have to float for 5 minutes with your hands and feet tied together. He said there are people watching you but you don't know if they're going to save you.

  Howard asked if guys freak out. Robert said they completely freak out. He said they have you swim hundreds of meters tied up. He said that was relaxing for him. He said they usually yell at you and that's the only time you can't get yelled at.

  Howard asked Robert about some of the training they did and how it was endless. Robert said you have to get up at 5am and work out for an hour. He said you have to run six miles a day just to get to eat. Robert said your body will quit long before your mind. He said you talk yourself into going.

  Howard asked when Hell Week is. Robert said they wake you up on a Sunday and you stay up until Friday afternoon. He said it's so miserable. He said by Wednesday morning you're so wet that you start to bleed from the chafing. He said he was given some advice about how you're going to war and your enemy is all your doubts.

  Howard asked if guys shit their pants and all of that. Robert said they do because there's nowhere to go. Howard said if he joins he wants a private shower. Robert said once you start to hallucinate then nothing matters anymore.

  Robert said that he had a buddy who told him that they're going to have highs and lows and you have to tell someone where you're at. He said he looked up and asked if there was an aircraft carrier one day and they said no. He said then there must not be a dragon on the front of it.

  Howard asked Robert about how dangerous he is and if he can beat the shit out of someone. Robert said he hasn't had to do that. He said his girlfriend will head butt him in bed accidentally once in a while but that's about it. Robert said he's not looking to get his ass beat by someone who knows he's the guy who killed bin Laden.

  Howard asked Robert about carrying a 325 pound boat during Hell Week. Robert said they do that and they have like 7 guys carrying it. He said they have to have it with them the whole time. Howard asked if he practices shooting and things like that. Robert said he does keep up with sky diving. He said he enjoys that. He said he almost got killed once going into this sky dive where they were bundled. He said he was doing a night jump and he had to jump the next day. He said he told his friend Tom that he was scared and that friend said that he was shit faced because he was drinking Jack all night.

  Howard said he can't imagine all of the bravery. Robert said that guys are doing it and humbly. Howard asked if they work with other Navy and who he's worked with. Robert said the British are great. He said they're just a little bit off of their training.

  Howard asked if someone in office should have been in the military. Robert said he thinks so. Howard asked if he thinks that the North Koreans are training like we are. Robert said he doesn't think so. He said he thinks that this country is trained to fight big armies.

  Howard asked Robert about why he chose SEAL team 2. Robert said they were in Bosnia at the time and they were getting the most action. He said he wanted to see some action and see what was going on in the world. Howard asked if it would have crushed him to not get in. Robert said he thinks it would have.

  Howard asked Robert about 9/11 and if he re upped after that. Robert said he did not long after that. Robert said he joined the SEAL team that he can't mention in there after that. Howard said it's SEAL team 6. Robert said he's not allowed to say that. He said the Pentagon approved his book and they asked him to leave it out. Howard said it's just called ''SEAL Team *'' in the book.

  Howard asked when Robert was assigned to go to Afghanistan. Robert said he was in SEAL Team 4 for a while. Howard asked what his first big action was. Robert said they had done things where they never had to shoot anyone. He said that they went after the lone Survivor Mark Lattrell.

  Howard asked if he was an official sniper. Robert said he was. Howard asked if he heard about the guy in Canada who shot a guy from 2 miles away. Robert said he did. He said he believes it too.

  Howard asked where he does the sniper thing. Robert said he's done it from buildings but also in a helicopter. Howard asked how far he's been when he's shot someone. Robert said he's never killed anyone as a sniper. He said he wanted to be an assault guy and not a sniper. He figured they'd kill more famous people that way. He said that turned out to be right.

  Howard asked if you have to be good at math when you're a sniper. Robert said the spotter has to be really good at math. Howard asked what makes the sniper so good. Robert said the spotter has the hardest job. He said the sniper has to pull the trigger and not move the gun.

  Howard asked about getting the word that they have to kill bin Laden. Howard said they don't even know. Robert said they didn't know at first but they figured it out in about 2 days. He said on the third day they were told. He said they're told they found a thing in a house and they have to go get that thing and bring it back to them. Robert said they don't tell them for a reason. He said they were brought to Virginia to the headquarters to get them ready.

  Howard asked if they have a beeper or something that alerts them to when they have to go. Robert said they do. Howard said that's so cool. He said he'd love to experience something like that. He said he'd love to be called in like that. Robert said it was like that at first but then it's just a job.

  Howard asked if he would ever get up and tell a girl that he was a SEAL. Robert said it was never like that. Howard said he would make a big deal out of it. Robin said he'd blow it by telling everyone.

  Howard asked Robert about getting the call and thinking that he must be going to kill Muammar Gaddafi. Robert said that's exactly what they thought because of what was going on at the time. He said they didn't tell them how they were going to get there so they were thinking that's what it was. Howard said it must be great thinking that they can kill anyone when they go. Robert said that was only if they got ambushed. He said they weren't out to murder people.

  Robin wondered what happened to the woman and child there at the bin Laden place. Robert said they left them there.

  Howard asked about setting up the house like the one they were going to invade. Robert said they were told to go back to their families and then come back in a day. He said they were going to have all of these big deal guys at the meeting and they started to put things together. Robert said that they came back the next day and he said that it isn't Gaddafi. He said he had a feeling it was bin Laden. He said the guy driving looked at him in the mirror and said ''If we kill bin Laden I'll suck your dick.'' Robert said he never did pay up.

  Howard asked if there was thought given to warn the Pakistanis that they were going to do this. Robert said if they had they may have moved him. Howard asked why they didn't just drop the bomb on the compound. Robert said they could have decimated the neighborhood and not had proof that he was killed.

  Howard said there was a movie called Zero Dark 30 with Jessica Chastain. Howard asked if the real woman was that hot. Robert said the real chick was very attractive and bad ass. He said he agreed to never describe her. Howard asked if he banged her. Robert said he did not.

  Howard asked why he met with that woman. Robert said that she found him and they were one of 5 options and she was there to tell them how she found him. Howard said she even knew that he was going to be on the third floor most likely.

  Howard asked if Robert was the point man. Robert said he wasn't actually. Howard asked who his boss is. Robert said he was a commander. He said they have an admiral back at the base. He said they had a very senior team.

  Howard asked about going into the house and how the son would be on the stairs. Robert said she said that he would be on the stairs. He said he was on the stairs and armed. Howard said one of the SEALs whispered to Khalid to come there. He said he came over and he shot him in the head. Howard asked why they shoot in the head. Robert said it's because of body bombs. He said they don't die as quickly as you think they do. He said that takes them down though. He said he was about 7 guys back in the train of guys going up the stairs.

  Howard said the guys were about 2 or 3 feet from Khalid when he was shot. Robert said he was armed too. He said it was well within the rules of engagement. Robert said they all had to step over him going up the stairs.

  Howard said being the point man takes balls. Robert said it really does. He said they went up to the second floor and he was pointing up the last set of stairs. He said they had to clear rooms. He said they don't say a word. Howard asked if they use hand signals. Robert said they do. He said you don't want to yell anything because you'll give yourself away. Robert said they were going up and he was looking for more guys. He said he was looking in a different direction than the point man. Howard said he sees women and jumps them. Robert said they knew they had to go up stairs because they were putting on vests.

  Howard asked Robert about when he's doing a mission if he trusts everyone. Robert said they do. Howard asked what the guy did when he saw the women moving behind a curtain. Robert said that he moved the curtain and jumped the women. He said he gave his life for that so the guy behind him could take a shot. Howard asked if they train for something like that. Robert said no. He said they went in prepared to die to get bin Laden. Howard asked if he was in the lead then. Robert said he was. He said he turned and took a shot from the doorway. Howard said then they get to the top floor. Howard said the woman told him that he was there on the top floor and she was right. Howard said then he takes his shots and his head explodes. Robert said he saw him take his last breath. He said that it doesn't bring nightmares to him either. He said that neither of them said a word. He said they took him back in a body bag and turned him over to another team that took it from there.

  Howard said lets think about it. He said he took out bin Laden. Howard said god bless you for all of those people who lost someone in 9/11. Robert said they weren't going for fame or bravado. They were going for the people who had to jump out a window in the World Trade Center. Howard said god bless Robert and the Jessica Chastain character.

  Robert said they had a last meal just in case. He said he wrote a letter to the 27 year old daughter that he may have missed. He said when he got home he shredded the letter.

  Howard asked about the porn that was in the house. Robert said there was opium and they had 3 offices set up for making videos. He said they were running Al Queda from that spot.

  Howard said Obama made that decision to go in. Robert said that he took advice from both sides and he realized that they could have fucked it up. He said it was his call and it was a ballsy call.

  Howard said that's the kind of guy you want making that call. Robert said they didn't leave on Saturday because the White House Correspondents dinner was that Saturday. He said they left the next day. He said Seth Meyers roasted Obama that night saying that bin Laden has a show on C-Span which is there that dinner airs. He said Obama kept a straight face the whole time.

  Howard said Robert gave the woman who gave them the intel his magazine of bullets. Robert said her story was incredible. He said that they got him right at the end. He said he can't even say who she worked for. Howard said that CIA is something else. Robert wasn't saying she was in the CIA.

  Howard asked if he has any cool tattoos. Robert said he has some. He said that he can't say what they are. He said he has some on his arms that he can talk about. He said that he was told to keep them where a suit can hide them. He said he may have to get a job some day. Howard said that's an unbelievable story.

  Howard said he is so glad he wrote about this. He said he likes it because they should know who did this stuff. He said they're the real rock stars out there. Robert said there are SEALs who are just regular guys and they run off and do this stuff. He said he didn't stay in long enough to get a pension. He said that takes like 20 years.

  Howard asked what Robert is doing. Robert said he's doing motivational speaking. Howard said he wants him to replace JD. He said Robert is also a FOX News contributor. Robert said he is and he has stuff in place to protect him. Howard asked if he has guns in the house. Robert said he keeps a ''pillow under his gun.'' He said he doesn't shoot his gun much but when he shoots someone it will be in his own house. Howard asked about the guns he has in his house. Robert told him about some of the stuff he has.

  Robert told Howard about rescuing Richard Phillips and how that worked. Howard said they had three snipers and they all took shots. He said 4 days before that they were at home on the beach. Howard asked how much they shoot. Robert said they might shoot 1000 shots a day. Howard asked what level he's on in Call of Duty. Robert said he's really bad at the game actually.

  Howard gave Robert a plug for his book and said it's available everywhere. Howard said he's about to get married too. Robert said he's going to Bora Bora for the honeymoon. Howard said you can also find out more about Robert at RobertJONeill.com. Howard said he only wishes he was there with him that day he killed bin Laden. Howard said the smell of the shit in his pants may have given them away. Howard asked who they should kill next. Robert said it's probably the guy who is running ISIS. Howard asked about Kim Jong Un. Robert said that's a tough one. He said we need China's help with that one. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.

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• Howard Takes Some Calls. 07/18/17. 10:25am
  After the break they played a Ronnie the Limo Driver bit and Mott the Hoople's ''All the Young Dudes'' before Howard came back. Howard said Odell Beckham was posting pictures of Beetlejuice on Instagram. Howard said they should post that on HowardStern.com.

  Howard said it was incredible to shake the hand of the guy who killed bin Laden. Howard said he just went in and got it done. Howard said all of that training they went through is something incredible. Howard said that the whole story is incredible. Howard said it was unbelievable. Howard said he choked up when he shook his hand.

  Howard said that was something. Fred said it's nice that he's not scarred up from that. He said so many come back and are messed up after seeing that kind of thing.

  Howard took a call from a woman who said she was married to a SEAL and that was a great interview. She said that she appreciates Howard's support of the SEALs too. Howard said her husband must have given it to her hard too. The caller said they are trained to hold their breath a long time so when they go down on you it's great. Howard said Robin never made love to a Navy SEAL. Robin said she was in the Air Force. Robin said she fucked whoever was around. Howard wondered if a SEAL will eat ass.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he's not sure what's better, the ass drums or the hero. Howard said they did go from one thing to the other.

  Howard took another call from a guy who said he got tears hearing that guy talk. Howard said we'll never get those people back we lost in 9/11 but this was some kind of retribution. Howard did a live commercial read after that.

  Howard said they were thinking about what to give Robert. He said that they gave him a gift bag and he was very into it. He said they're the only ones who ever gave him a gift bag. Howard said that's Baba Booey approved stuff. Howard said it's interesting that other shows don't give anything. Howard said he thinks they have a Jon Hein book and an autographed JD spoon in there.

  Howard said that he has to read Robert's book. He said he only reads on the Kindle. He said he heard that the regular books are selling and E-books are going down in sales.

  Howard said it's time for news. They played Robin into the news but then Howard took a call. The caller said he saw Beetlejuice on TMZ and they were asking him about the fight that's coming up and Beet was saying he'd beat both of them. Howard said Beet was claiming he was going to represent them and fight them. He did see that.

  The caller also said he wanted to warn Richard about binge drinking. He said he got fucked up doing that stuff. He said that he was waking up early doing the beer and he ended up going down. Howard said he has talked to Richard on and off air. He said he doesn't want to be preachy or anything. Howard said he does pop his head in his office and ask how he's doing. Howard said he'll ask what's going on with the drinking and Richard will say he feels good and he has it under control.

  The caller said Richard has a kid on the way so he has to be careful. Howard said Richard is always looking for an excuse. He said Richard is one of those guys like they had on Cheers.

• Robin's News. 07/18/17. 10:40am
  Howard had Robin get to her news. Robin started her news with a story about Walmart and how they had to remove some racist words from their web site. Robin said they had a color listed as N-word brown. Robin said that product was taken off their web site.

  Howard said he wanted to talk about the Kermit the Frog firing. Robin said she wants to talk about R. Kelly too. Robin said there are people accusing him of having a cult following. Howard asked how you get that going. Robin said it might be easy when you're R. Kelly. Robin read some details about that story and people are saying they can't get a hold of their daughters and they just say they're in love with R. Kelly.

  Howard said Tan Mom is part of his cult. He took a call from Tan Mom who said she's suing the state. She said these people are going down. Howard said he read the story about how her daughter was on a field trip and she came home sun burned. Howard said he might have to sue his parents for not putting sun block on him. Howard said it's weird that tanning is always a part of her life. Tan Mom was on Speakerphone so it was hard to hear her. She said she was scrubbing her silverware and sweating so bad.

  Gary said Tan Mom sent Shuli some topless pictures. Howard said she has big pontoons. Shuli came in to show Howard the pictures. Howard said she has the biggest tits on the planet. Shuli did his Tan Mom impression and said she's going to sue the sun too. She said the sun is going down. Howard had the Sun on the phone but he gave up on it before the guy could even say anything.

  Howard said he heard that Tan Mom has a tanning bed that's 12,600 watts. Howard said that's like microwaving yourself. Howard said the sun is only 11,000 watts. Tan Mom said they have to get things going over there. Howard said okay to her. Howard asked Tan Mom about the lawsuit. Tan Mom said she wants to come up there.

  Howard asked if she has filed the lawsuit yet. Tan Mom said she hasn't. Howard said they should have her up there to announce it. Howard wondered what was going on with her phone. He said she keeps disappearing. Howard had Shuli do an impression of her walking away from the phone while she's answering questions.

  Howard wished Tan Mom luck with her lawsuit. Tan Mom told Shuli to get it together. Howard played a ''A Day in the Life of Tan Mom'' bit after letting her go.

  Howard said he likes when the phone cuts out. Shuli said whenever he calls her she's always in the middle of yelling at someone. He said he always interrupts her. Howard asked Shuli if he's going into the Hawaiian shirt look. Shuli said it's summer so he's going for it. Howard said he wants to fit into the Don Ho concert tonight.

  Howard said Tan Mom's daughter went on some trip and got sun burned and now they're all involved. Howard wondered why they have to be involved. Shuli did his impression of Tan Mom a little more before Howard let him go.

  Robin read more about the R. Kelly story and what he's being accused of. Robin had some audio for Howard to play and some audio of a woman saying she's not being brain washed. Howard said when he dated he had no ability to get a woman to do anything for him. He said he won't be starting any cult.

  Robin read a story about a 59 year old woman who gave birth to her first child. Robin said she and her husband had been trying for 38 years. Robin said she took fertility drugs to make it happen. Howard wondered if she's going to breast feed. Robin said she has no idea.

  Robin read a story about Beyonce and Jay-Z and their babies. Robin said one has a name of Rumi and one is Sir. Robin read where they came up with the names and what they mean.

  Robin read a story about the guy who voices the character Kermit being fired by Disney. Robin said they say he was disrespectful to the character. Howard said all the guy had to do was do the voice. Robin said she has an example of what he was doing. Robin said there was a line in a TV show about Kermit and the guy who voices the character said he doesn't think that he'd say that. Howard said just do the voice. He said it's fucking Kermit, not fucking Shakespeare. He said just do it and don't worry. Howard said just hire him and he'll do it. Howard said that's the greatest gig. The guy did the voice for 27 years. Robin said his name is Steve Whitmire. Howard said that he'd read any lines they wrote for him. Howard said this guy thinks he knows what Kermit would say. Howard said that's the kushiest gig on the planet. He said the guy doesn't know the character. Robin said Disney says they warned him many times about the way he was going about this. Howard said he has friends who do that and fuck things up like that. Howard said it's the wrong attitude to have. He said it's an easy voice to do. Robin said it's really not because it doesn't sound like Kermit. Howard said he'd do anything they told him to say. He had the writers writing that Kermit is blowing a guy and he just says ''Okay'' when the writers ask him to read his lines. Howard told Bob Iger that he's available. Howard said if that guy wants to come in and talk about this he's welcome.

  Robin asked what happens when you die. Howard said no one knows. Robin said it's when you die, not after. Robin said there are a lot of bad things but they say that you also have terminal lucidity. Robin said that things may be shutting down but then all of a sudden you wake up and talk and then you just go. Robin said they say it's nothing to be afraid of. Robin said there was a case of a 26 year old woman who woke up after years of being in a coma and she came out and started singing for a half hour and then died. Robin said that happened to her mother. Robin said they were asking if they wanted to put in a feeding tube. Robin said her mother had a living will so she didn't want that. Robin said she went to visit her and 3 days after visiting her she was talking to her on the phone. Robin said she went to visit her again and like 2 days later she died. Robin said it was interesting to talk about feeding tubes and then she was awake days later.

  Robin read a story about boot camps and how some of them can be bad for people. Robin said that your muscles can break down and start to die. Robin said there was a woman who went into one of these things where she had muscle break down and they started to leak into her blood and then into the kidneys. Robin said that being too stressful on your body can do that.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a raging hard cock right now. He said that interview with Robert O'Neill was amazing. Howard said that was amazing. The caller also mentioned that Mel Gibson has a new moving coming out. Howard said that guy can make movies.

  Robin said the health care bill is dead. Robin said that they are looking at the House bill and trying to figure out how to phase in a new program at some point.

  Howard said that someone wrote in the email that they should measure Bobo's cock and if it's not 7 inches they should take away his name again. Howard read a few other emails about Ronnie too.

  Robin read about how Donald Trump has been saying this week is Made in America week but many of his and Ivanka's products are made overseas. Robin had some audio of Mike Pence talking about the Made in America thing. Howard said he can't take him seriously because he believes you can pray the gay away and can't even be in a room with a woman other than his wife.

  Robin read a story about the first satanic monument that was raised in Minnesota. Robin said it's on public property in a park. Robin said people are upset about it. Howard said it's all make believe so people shouldn't be upset. Howard said Santa is as real as Satan. Howard said it's all make believe.

  Robin read a story about how half the smokers in this country feel discriminated against. Robin read the details of the study that was done.

  Robin read a story about artificial sweeteners and how people who use them are opening themselves up to health risks. Robin read the details of that study and how they don't really help with weight loss either. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.

• Charlize Theron Preview. 07/19/17. 7:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: Red Peters' ''Diana'' song, a High Pitch Erik message for the FDA about trans fats, John Fogerty performing ''Bad Moon Rising'' and ''Fortunate Son'' at the 2014 Howard Stern Birthday Bash.

  Howard started the show playing a fake Gary the Conqueror clip where he announced who they had coming up on the show. They have Charlize Theron coming in. Robin asked why Gary was so happy. Howard said he's happy because he doesn't worry about anything.

  Howard told Robin the proper pronunciation of Theron. He said people have been saying it wrong. Howard said she has a new movie out called Atomic Blonde. He said it has everything in it. Howard said it's like John Wick because it's the same guy who made those movies. Howard said he loves the John Wick stuff. Howard said he loves the killing for no reason. He said there's no plot but he loves it. He said Atomic Blonde is great because Charlize is so good looking. He said she'll be in there and they'll talk to her about a lot of things.

  Howard said he caught himself changing clothes 3 times this morning. He said he had an outfit on and he caught himself in the mirror. He said he never ends up wearing the stuff because Ralph picked it out and didn't see it on him. He said if it was a normal day it would be fine. Howard said he tried on a second outfit and then a third. He said he put on the Guns N' Roses t-shirt with a scarf.

  Howard said he has to confess something. He said he wrote some notes to Jon Hein and Jason and he keeps a pad by his bed to remind himself to do stuff. Howard said he was running his finger around his nose and he felt hair in his nose. He said he didn't clip them over the vacation. He said he has to get in there deep and he didn't do it for 2 weeks. He said he had to go trim the hair. He said it was almost a moustache. Howard said he realized Charlize was coming in and he's no trying to attract her but he did want to look his most handsome.

  Howard said he went back upstairs and trimmed the hair. He said it was hitting into hair like crazy. He said he just wanted to look his least repulsive. Howard said it's so disgusting. Howard said he feels like he would have left it like it was if she wasn't coming in today. Howard said he went from a 2 to a 3 with all of that. He said it was a good transformation day for him.

  Howard said he doesn't want to carry on too much about how good looking Charlize is. He said sometimes he loses control.

  Howard said when Letterman used to have Charlize on she'd come out dressed really sexy. Howard said Letterman would go bonkers for her. Howard said Letterman just wasn't able to help himself. Robin said they were the worst interviews because you just heard Letterman trying to get her to laugh.

  Howard said his strategy is to talk to her as a human being. He said every interview with her the guy fawns over her. Howard said he's going to try to avoid that. Howard said that's a good strategy. He said that's the way a man should be around her. Howard said his wife is hot and he knows it. He said people paid her to model. He said that means you're good looking. He said she describes a life that is so bizarre to him. He said she was once telling him about how disappointed she was with herself for getting expelled from high school for getting drunk at the prom. Howard said she told him this and then she said that the principal rode over on his motorcycle every day to check on her. He said she said it in a very normal way. He said he told her that was weird. Howard said it's not normal. Howard said she was modeling in high school. Howard said Beth will tell him this but not in a bragging way. Howard said she doesn't realize why the guy was so upset. Howard said she didn't have this dynamic personality. He said he needed something like that in high school. He said he could have been in the hospital with cancer and the principal wouldn't have cared.

  Robin said she read the story about Miranda Kerr having to give back millions in jewelry because some guy stole it to give it to her.

  Howard said Beth told him that she gets a free newspaper from a guy in a store. He said he has to pay full price but the guy gives it to Beth for free. Howard said Charlize Theron has to get that kind of stuff too.

  Robin said there was a woman on Letterman telling him that she gets proposed to all the time even on the first date.

  Howard said there were guys he knew growing up who weren't that good looking but they were getting women. Howard said he was working too hard to get laid with ugly women. Howard said he went to an ugly girl party. He said he has told that story. He said it was an AZA party. Robin asked if it's still in existence. Howard said it was for young Jewish kids. He said the Jewish male and females had their own groups and they'd go to parties. Howard said the girls weren't that hot. Howard said it was bottom of the barrel type stuff. He said it was like ''Oh my god I can't believe this is my life.'' kind of stuff. Howard said he would smoke and figured that would attract a female. Howard said he thought it was cool to do that.

  Howard said meanwhile the cigarette was the only one talking to him. He said even fat chicks didn't come over to talk to him. Howard said he must have really looked bad. He said he must have looked like a burn victim. He said he considered going to a burn victim party.

• Advice For A Premature Ejaculator. 07/19/17. 7:15am
  Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a hard core premature ejaculator. Howard asked how old he is. The caller, Zach, said he's 25. He said he's been going to a lot of prostitutes. Howard said that's way too dark. Howard asked what he pays. Zach said he gets the ugly $50 ones. He said he can find them on the internet. Howard asked how he meets them. Zach said he goes there or they come to him. He said it depends on the girl. Howard said he'd never give a hooker his address. Robin said Howard has a nice house. Howard said maybe Zach has nothing worth stealing.

  Howard asked if he just gets laid or a blow job. Zach said he gets a good 20 minutes. Howard said they must be nasty looking. Zach said they are gnarly. He said some have nice bodies. He said he has had some fat ones too. Howard asked if he cums fast with them. Zach said it's like in a second. He said as soon as he touches a woman he's finished. Howard asked if he wears a condom. Zach said he does especially with prostitutes.

  Howard said he has been known to cum really fast too. Howard said he has been with women who are so sexy and sexual that he goes into them and before there's one stroke he cums. He said there are some women he'd get a good groove going with. Howard said there is nothing wrong with them. He said his wife is one he can get that groove going with. Howard said maybe Zach needs to find a woman like that. Zach said he can slow it down after the 4th time or so. He said he's halfway decent looking. Howard said he has a picture of him and he looks like Fafa Fooey. Howard asked if those are his sisters in the picture. Zach said they are. He said they're twins. Howard said they're fucking hot. Howard told him to put them on the phone. Zach said they are even more into Howard than he is. He said they're in Philadelphia.

  Howard asked if he thinks about his sisters at all. Zach said no but he has lost a bunch of friends over them. He said he had a good friend who wanted to get them pregnant. He said they're moving to L.A. in August and they're going to try the acting thing. Howard said they're going to get eaten up in L.A. Howard said as soon as Pauly Shore gets a hold of them they're done.

  Howard asked Zach if he thinks that they would get into porn. Zach said no way. He said they're not like that at all.

  Howard asked Zach about the prostitutes again. Zach said he was trying to find a girl online and he found a good looking tranny and he was going to go for it. He said he was just going to go for it. Zach said he shows up to this trailer park and this big fat Mexican guy was there in a bra and panties and a wig. He said he just got in his car and drove away. Howard said he's never been horny enough to fuck a dude. Zach said the pictures looked really good. He said he knows Howard has had some in there who look good. Howard said he guarantees he'd last a long time with that dude. Zach said he might last 30 seconds.

  Howard asked if a tranny charges any less. Zach said this one was like $50. He said he was on ecstasy that night. He said he was ready for anything. Howard said imagine showing up to that guy in a bra and panties. Howard did an impression of the guy's voice. Howard said it's like seeing Jason Kaplan in a bra and panties. Howard had Fred do his voice for the guy. Fred did his Herman Munster/Nicole Bass voice.

  Zach said she looked a little bit like High Pitch Erik. Howard asked what advice he can give. Zach said he was hoping they could get him a Real Doll or something so he doesn't have to go to prostitutes. Howard said he has a good sex life with his wife but he supplements it with jerking off. Howard said he had sex with his wife on Saturday and on Sunday and Monday he jerked off. He said he might get lucky tonight with his wife. Howard said he has a whole routine. Howard said he enjoys porn so much. He said he wouldn't want a Real Doll. Howard said watching porn and all of that is enough for him. He said he wouldn't get a Real Doll. Zach said he has a crazy sex drive. Howard said he used to jerk off 3 or 4 times a day.

  Howard asked if Zach plays guitar or anything. Zach said he writes fiction. Howard said chicks don't care about that. He asked what he does for a living. Zach said he's a dish washer. Howard said there's nothing that turns a girl off more than that. Howard said no one is into that. Howard said he had the same life. He said he worked into something else. Robin asked what Zach tells the women he does. Zach said he tells them he's a chef. He said it doesn't matter though. He isn't getting any women.

  Howard said dish washers get Mexican women with cocks. Fred did his tranny voice again. He had Howard cracking up with that. He spent a couple more minutes doing the impression and cracking Howard up.

  Howard said he likes that the Mexican chased after Zach. Howard said maybe they can try something. He said he has another premature ejaculator on the phone. Howard took the call from Jim (one of the guys in the back office) who was cumming as soon as he said hello to Howard. He was cumming multiple times.

  Howard said it is a problem. He said he knows what it's like to be quick on the draw. Howard asked if he has ever seen his sisters nude. Zach said not even close. Howard said stay away from that. Zach said they are pretty close. He said they grew up in a crazy family. Zach said his sisters got the good genes. He said he ended up looking like Baba Booey. Howard said sometimes the girl doesn't get the good genes and they have a really tough life.

  Zach said he wrote them a letter saying that he'd bang Siobhan but he'd have to take a boner pill first. Howard asked if he smokes weed. Zach said he used to do a lot of drugs but not anymore. He said he smokes and drinks but not very much. He said he's pretty sober now. Howard said he needs to get a life and get some interesting hobbies. He said maybe he'll meet some chicks that way. He said his life is too dark.

  Howard said he paints now and he meets people because of that. He said he went to a drawing class and you can meet chicks at things like that. Robin said maybe animal rescue.

  Gary said he wrote them a letter and he was on some hard core drugs that would make him last longer. Zach said he had a girlfriend for a while because he was able to last like an hour being on opiates. Howard said that's perfect. Howard said there's a lot of positive things about drugs that you don't read about.

  Howard told Zach to stay away from hookers. He said he seems like a good dude. He said it's a dark place to go. Zach said it's tough. He said he has those days where he's going to pay the quick hundred bucks. Howard said it's a dark path. Robin said maybe he can't give it up. Howard said he'll be fine. Howard said he's not sure what to tell him. He said all guys are in the same boat. Howard said that's unless you're really good looking.

  Howard said he was watching some Joe Walsh videos the other day and he used to get really drunk and he'd be unintelligible. He said chicks were fucking him left and right though. Howard said he has to go find a life and chicks will work their way in there.

  Howard said he can hold out for Beth. He said he can give her a good 5 or 6 minutes. Howard said if you spend more time than that the women get annoyed. Zach asked if he cums faster when she's on top. Howard said he has his positions that he can last longer with. He said he has a system worked out where he can give her a good time. Howard said it's that or do something drastic like go with that Mexican guy. Howard let Zach go a short time later. Howard said he knows he's not much help.

  Howard said he should take a break. He said he has a lot of people on the phone and a bunch of stuff to get to. Howard asked if he has to break. Fred said they have a lot of pre-records. Howard said he wants to take a break but he's not motivated. He said it kind of slows him down when he takes a break. Robin said she could tell his coffee had kicked in this morning when he started. Howard said it may have worn off already.

  Howard said he got a ton of email about cutting off the Caitlyn Jenner song ''50 Ways to Cut Your Cock Off.'' He said he may get to that later. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.

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• Howard's Doody Routine. 07/19/17. 7:45am
  After the break Howard came right back and said he's fascinated by the human body. He said once he's on vacation he makes doody right after breakfast. He said does that and then grooms his cats. Howard said he has time so he carves out time for them. Howard said if you go to Beth's Instagram you'll see him doing that. Howard said that's what he does on vacation. He said that's his way to connect to the universe. Howard said he's working with the pets to do something. He said maybe he can connect to some people if he can do that with the pets.

  Howard said his cat Walter loves it. He said he works pretty good with the pets because they don't ask for favors after that. He said Beth wants him to work with the animals too. He said he locks his office door but then she'll come up and open the door so the cats can come in. He said he needs a lot of alone time. Robin said she can be alone but the cats are fine to be around her. Howard said he has his system and she has her's.

  Howard said when he's on vacation he can go right to the bathroom after grooming. He said when he works everything is off. He said he's not sure why but he won't make doody until after work. He said it's amazing. Robin said Howard doesn't feel safe so he can't go. Howard said he has something going on in the chamber and he can't go. He said he'd like to be empty for the Charlize interview. Howard said he's going to be squirming the whole time like there's a worm in his ass.

• The PTC And FCC Fines. 07/19/17. 7:50am
  Howard said he was reading this fascinating thing. Howard said they had this Parent Television Council that was trying to get him off the radio. Howard said they were all about the kids. He said they want to bring it back and bring back indecency. Howard said when he left terrestrial radio he knocked them down. Howard said all they wanted to do was raise money. He said it was all a ruse. He said hating him apparently pays well.

  Howard said now the PTC is pissed and they want to go after the TV show ''The Mick.'' Howard said he's never seen it but Gary says it's very good. Howard said the PTC is trying to get people to get worked up about it. Howard said it's not having the same impact that their show had. Howard said he was like Satan to these people. He said they could raise millions off of him. He said The Mick isn't working for them. Howard said they're desperate to get the FCC to fine people. Howard said they're trying to turn this country into Russia.

  Howard said Brent has a list of the shows and segments that they were fined for by the FCC. Howard said they were the last show to be fined in 2004. Howard said that you hear it and it's so stupid. Howard asked what he was fined for. Brent said that he was fined twice in 2004. He was fined for $495,000 in April of 2004. He said there are so many things that he was fined for. He said he was talking about ''swamp ass'' and he got fined over that. He said it was a guy who came in with the Sphincterine and he got fined for talking about that. Howard said that was a legitimate product. Howard asked if that guy is still in business. Brent said he doesn't think so.

  Brent asked Howard when he thinks he got his first complaints. Robin guessed 1981. Brent said he's right. Brent said that they got a bunch of complaints about the show that year. Howard said that the plane thing got him in trouble. He said it was a fake bit that he did calling the airline that crashed into the bridge.

  Brent said that Al D'Amato was fighting for Howard and he was defending him on the senate floor. Howard said that he was fighting for free speech. He said he was a real politician. He said he a real man. Howard asked what happened to republicans. Brent said that the religious right became their voting block so they've moved in that direction.

  Howard said he heard from Senator D'Amato. He said he's having a birthday party or something. Howard said he's a good dude.

  Howard asked Brent if he's still trying to make a citizen's arrest. Brent said a guy there caught a guy taking up skirt pictures and he tried to do a citizen's arrest. Howard had a ''Citizen Hatley'' commercial parody bit that he played. Brent was on the street hassling people about loitering and not having a tag on a mattress.

  Howard said they sent Brent out on the street and told him to find people in violation. He said he did it. He said that one guy was so confused. He said the guy was just standing there. He said he should have arrested him. Howard said these guys all get confused. Brent said the guy with the mattress didn't have a tag on it.

  Howard asked what this dog sharing ring thing is. Brent said homeless people have this thing where they have a dog they sit with to get money from people. He said the dog has to sit there all day long and it's not right. He said the homeless share the dog. Howard asked what he wants to do. Brent said in New Jersey the ASPCA has police. He said he's not sure what they can do in New York. Howard asked if they can tape him making an arrest. Brent said they can but he has to do some research about what he can do.

  Gary said Shuli is going to Iron Maiden on Saturday night and Shuli wanted to know if he's going with Brent or with Citizen Hatley. Brent said he can't make any guarantees.

  Brent said that his wife saw some guys stuffing stuff in their pants in Duane Reed the other day. He said he wasn't there and he's never there for stuff like that. Brent said his wife was told that they're holding the employees responsible for the theft in the store.

  Howard said he saw a guy stealing a bike once and he looked the other way. Howard said there's no way he's going to do anything. Howard said Robin told him to go stop them but he told her to go do it. Howard said he isn't going to do it.

  Howard said he turns a blind eye to crime. Brent said it would be so great to stop a terrorist or something. Brent said that will get you some media coverage. Howard said he thinks it would be a good show with Brent out on the street as Citizen Hatley.

  Robin said maybe he should do a neighborhood watch kind of thing. Brent said he'd rather not do that because you have to patrol. He said there was a guy recently who just walked by and save a guy with a tourniquet that he made out of a t-shirt. He said that's the kind of stuff that's cool.

  Howard got back to the PTC and said they're trying to get that whole thing started up again. Howard said they're trying to find a show to get them going. Howard said The Mick doesn't have that energy. Howard said he was a lightning rod for them. He said this other stuff isn't working for them. Brent said they don't want Howard off the air. They want him on so they can raise money. Robin said the whole time they were on the air they did nothing to get them off.

  Howard asked Brent about the guys in that bit. He asked if they freaked them out. Brent said they did freak out. He said they were the only ones who they could find doing something wrong.

  Howard asked Brent about the Navy SEAL he interviewed yesterday. Brent said he was great. He said he was very humble too. He said he's glad he gave the pilots credit too. He said they are very skilled guys too. Brent said that some of them go on to be airline pilots and things like that. Howard let Brent go and went to break after that.

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• A Benjy Update. 07/19/17. 8:20am
  After the break they played a song parody with a woman who fell and broke her ribs while stomping grapes on a news program. They also played a Lenny Dykstra pussy eating tip bit. They played a Caitlyn Jenner ''Six Million Dollar Trans'' commercial parody. They played Faces ''Maybe I'm Amazed'' and a ''JD Sings the Summer Hits'' commercial parody. They played a man on the street interview where they asked people to respond in a Chinese accent for their Chinese listeners.

  Howard came back and took a call from a guy who asked if Benjy is showing up to work on time. Howard said the beauty of it is that he has no idea because he kicked him out of the studio. Howard said he sits outside doing his work now and he's much happier. Howard said Benjy may be happier too. Robin said she doesn't think Benjy is happy. Howard said he loves Benjy and he does great work around there but when he came in late it was very distracting. Howard said that's not what he planned to do. Howard said the thing that gets to him is guys like this guy who did the Kermit voice who was worried about what the character would say. Howard said just show up on time and do your work. Howard said that's what made him crazy about Benjy.

  Howard said he always shows up on time and his employers appreciated it. Howard said it's such a simple thing. He said just show up on time. The caller agreed. Howard said he would wonder how he was late. Howard said Benjy would say he had trouble sleeping. He was telling him his problems. Howard said he's his boss and he doesn't want to hear his problems. Howard said just show up and do your work.

  Howard said it would drive him crazy. He said from what Gary tells him Benjy has been late one or two times but he doesn't know about it. He said it's a cry for help. He said Jimmy Iovine said it best. He said ''Always be of service.'' Howard said he subscribes to that. He said he's not some big shot. He said he works for this guy Jim Meyer and Scott Greenstein. He just shows up and does his job for them. He said the easiest part is showing up on time.

  Howard said Benjy just has to do it 3 days a week. He said he's in his 50s and still making excuses. Howard said Benjy would complain about his sleep and he'd tell him to just go home and sleep. He said he asked him to show up at 5:30 instead of 6. He said he still gets notes that he's asking for sleeping tips. Howard said just close your eyes. There's your fucking tip!

  Robin said she had insomnia once. Howard said he thinks he just pulled a muscle yelling. Robin said Howard didn't know about her problem because it was her problem.

  Howard said this guy playing Kermit is one of these guys. Howard said there are a hand full of people who get to do a job like that. Howard said Shari Lewis and Paul Winchell are two. Howard said then this Sesame Street comes along. Howard said Jim Henson drops dead and they find this guy to do the voice. Howard said it's not a tough gig. He said he starts in with them. Howard said they fired him after 17 years because the guy was saying he didn't want to read lines because he knows what the character would say. Howard said just shut up and do your job. Howard asked the caller, John, what he does for a living. The guy said he works for the Long Island Railroad. Howard said that job can't be as fun as the Kermit thing.

  Howard said Benjy is pissed off now. Howard asked why he's pissed. Benjy came in. Howard said he looks like he's gained weight again. Howard said he has to get rid of that shirt. Howard asked if he's late at all out there. Benjy said no. Howard told him not to ask for sleep tips. Benjy said fuck you! Howard said get out. Benjy said don't talk to him like that.

  Howard asked why he's late even when he's out there. Benjy said in the past 5 years he hasn't been late more than once. Benjy said that the one time he was late he had gone to sleep early the night before. He said sometimes he doesn't hear the alarm. Howard said that's enough. He said thank you. Howard said he just wants out of this. Benjy said he's sorry Robin had insomnia once. Howard said he was 45 minutes late the last time he was late. Howard said he would stay up all night if he had trouble getting to work. Benjy said he got a lot of ideas from asking for sleep tips. Howard told Benjy to just be on time and get rid of that shirt.

  Benjy asked if he can tell him about his outfit. Howard said to ahead. Benjy said Howard has a great physique and he's hiding stuff when he wears jackets like that. He said he should wear a tighter shirt. Howard asked if Fred misses him in here. Fred said he likes Benjy but it's not good for the show when he shows up late.

  Caller John suggested that Benjy has to wear a sign saying ''I hate black people'' while walking around Roosevelt if he shows up late again. Howard hung up on the guy after that. Howard said everyone says ''fuck you'' to him. Fred had some audio of Benjy saying ''You mother fucker!'' and ''Fucking asshole!'' that he played.

• Blac Chyna And Rob Kardashian. 07/19/17. 8:35am
  Howard said he has Twitter and he doesn't tweet a lot. Howard said he will tweet once in a while. He said he follows a lot of news organizations and some hobby stuff. He said he follows news like People magazine and things like that. Howard said he must be following the wrong stuff. Howard said everything is about Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian. Howard said he doesn't even know who Blac Chyna is. Howard said he sees that stuff and scrolls right through it. Howard said it's 50 things he doesn't want to read to 1 thing he does. Howard said they must be the biggest thing in the world based on what he sees.

  Howard said he has a clip of Caitlyn Jenner saying she never even met Blac Chyna. Howard played the clip and Caitlyn said she doesn't know anything about what's going on between those two.

  Howard said Blac Cyna's mom is upset that Caitlyn commented on her daughter. Howard said he didn't even say anything about her. Howard said he doesn't even know who she is. Howard said this mom has some mouth piece on her. Howard said she was defending Blac Chyna. Howard played the clip and the mom was going off on Caitlyn about what she said. She was calling him the N-word and pointing out she was born a man. Howard said the N-word doesn't seem to mean what it used to. Howard said he'd like to see her as a regular on The View. Howard said they should put her on The Kardashians or something.

  Howard said Snoop Dogg had some things to say about Blac Chyna and Rob. Howard played that clip and Snoop was saying Rob knew what he was getting into. He said to all of those suckers out there, don't get licked. Do the licking.

  Howard said he doesn't know much about this stuff but it's all over his Twitter feed. Howard said it's Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian. Howard said he doesn't understand it. Robin said Rob was out of the picture until he hooked up with her. Then it was all headlines about the two of them. Howard said it's every headline about the two of them. Howard asked if she's a rap star. Robin said she's not sure.

  Howard said JD claims to know. JD said he thinks she was a stripper. He said he's not even sure. Gary said everyone is saying that she's a rapper. Howard asked JD if he's into her. JD said she has a nice ass but he's not into her other than that. Howard said he loves talking to JD. He asked how you can only be attracted to her ass. He said that is as shallow as possible. Howard said lets go back to Benjy. He played a song parody with JD's hoot laughs in it.

• Howard Takes Some Calls. 07/19/17. 8:45am
  Howard said Jeff the Vomit Guy is upset with them. He said he made a plea to get women to vomit on him and he's upset that they didn't get anyone. Howard said he made another plea and he thinks this will work. Howard said it sounds like every other plea he's made though. Howard played a clip of Jeff asking women to vomit on him. Jeff said that this is his soul purpose to be alive. He said that he lives to be vomited on. Howard said he thinks they have someone who might be wiling to do it. Howard said it's so disgusting.

  Howard took a call from a woman who said that Howard was going to ban Benjy from the show if he showed up late. She asked why he's still coming in. She said she never gets that number of opportunities. Howard said he's a sucker and a softy. The caller, Marianne, said that Benjy is going to keep running him over if he allows that to go on. She said he should fire his ass. Howard said she has a very interesting voice. Howard said he pictures her sitting on a porch with a corncob pipe and big boots. Marianne said she's a truck driver actually. She said she's been doing it 10 years now. Howard asked if she's good looking. Marianne said she has been told she is but she doesn't believe men's bullshit. Howard had her honk her horn since she was driving. Howard said she's not bullshitting. Howard asked what she's hauling. Marianne said it's a polymer material.

  Howard said this woman has to deliver things on time and it makes her crazy that Benjy is still there. Howard said next time he'll put his foot down. Howard asked how she'd like a job where she works 24 hours a week and has 11 weeks of vacation. Marianne said she'd do whatever she had to do to be there on time. Howard said she'd lick his balls if he gave her that job. Marianne said ''Exactly.''

  Howard said he has to take a break. He said he has to get to Charlize Theron. He said she's an Academy Award winner for ''Monster.'' Howard said that movie was about abuse. Howard went to break after that.

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• Charlize Theron Visits. 07/19/17. 9:00am
  After the break they played a prank call Richard made to Tan Mom with a fake kid from Make-A-Wish where the kid's last wish was to see her boobs. They played a High Pitch Erik ''99 Pizzas'' song parody and Green Day performing ''Boulevard of Broken Dreams'' in the Howard Stern Show studio. They played a song parody about Bobo from Little Mikey and The Lemonheads ''Mrs. Robinson'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and said Charlize Theron is there. Howard said she's ''Atomic Blonde'' which opens on July 28. Howard said that he's saying her name right too. Charlize said he is but even that's not right. She said in South Africa it's different. She explained to Howard how it is in South Africa.

  Howard asked how it was in South Africa. He asked if she saw a lot of segregation and all of that. Charlize said she did see that. She said she was very aware of it. Howard said he knows a guy who came from South Africa and he's a very staunch republican now.

  Howard asked if it's true that people got upset when she lost her accent. Charlize said they were upset that she was speaking with an American accent. Howard said she learned to speak like that by leaving the TV on constantly. Charlize said she was really poor and she wasn't able to afford a dialect coach so she watched Dynasty and Dallas. Howard said it has to be hard to lose that accent. She said it is until you're told that you won't get a job.

  Howard asked if she slips back into that accent. She said she does and her mom is only a couple of miles from her so they talk in that African accent.

  Howard asked Charlize about winning an Academy Award and what happens after that. He wondered if she worries about what movies she does after that. Charlize said she felt a freedom to choose and do what she wanted to do. Howard asked if her life changed that night. Charlize said there were a lot of studios and she felt a bit of pressure. She said she liked that she was on Arrested Development right after winning the Academy Award. Howard asked if her agent was upset. Charlize said she didn't have one. She said she had an incredible manager that she just went with. She said she was very supportive of what she was doing. She said they wrote her something funny and weird and that's what she wanted to do.

  Howard asked if winning the Oscar was something she wanted to do. Charlize said she never thought it would happen to her. She said she just wanted to be an actor and not have a second job. Howard said people don't realize that. Howard said he bets she knew a lot of people who didn't get the break. Charlize said she's been very vocal about how you're only as lucky as the opportunities you're given.

  Howard said Charlize auditioned for Showgirls. Howard said it turned Elizabeth Berkeley into a joke kind of. Howard said that the movie just went wrong. Howard said she came close to getting the role. Charlize said it was between her and Elizabeth. Howard said she must have wanted the role. Charlize said it was the closest she ever got to a big role like that. She said Paul Verhoven made some big movies and made stars out of people. She said it was between her and Elizabeth. She said she was 18 and she just wanted to work. She said she knew she had to work her way up. Charlize said she was willing to pay her dues.

  Howard said he loves that people ask how she could be in a shitty movie and sometimes you can't tell. He said you don't know how a movie is going to turn out. Charlize said she had no resume and no training.

  Howard asked if she went to see the movie when it came out. Charlize said she knows she saw it but she's not sure where. Howard asked if she was relieved that she wasn't in it. Charlize said the interesting thing is that she got to meet Elizabeth years after the film and she's one of the nicest people she's ever met. She said she was really so classy about all of that. She said she owned that it wasn't so great.

  Howard said that Charlize had the dream career and a lot of people must not be able to be friendly with her. Charlize said she has felt it but not to the point where it's alive and consistently there. She said there's more conversation about it.

  Howard asked if she knew that she was going to win for ''Monster.'' Charlize said she actually turned down the job. She said that Patty Jenkins wouldn't take no for an answer. Howard said that Patty also did Wonder Woman.

  Howard said she comes to her and says she wants her in ''Monster'' and she didn't want to do it. Charlize said that she saw who this woman was and how she behaved and she felt like the script was so good she had to do it visually to who she was. She said she wasn't sure she could do that. Howard said that Patty was able to envision her with that appearance playing the part. Howard said she believed in her acting. Charlize said she was relentless. Robin said that she had a physical, brutish look about her.

  Howard asked if she had to campaign for winning the Academy Award. Charlize said by the time the film came out there was a buzz around it. She said that was before she was even nominated. Charlize said people were talking about her in a lead and it wasn't about being opposite a guy. She said she carried the film. Howard said that Roger Ebert said that it was like the best acting job ever. Howard asked if she reads reviews. Charlize said she does actually. She said she's not hung up on criticism. Charlize said that she looks at it as something to learn from. She said she won't take it personally.

  Howard said when Aeon Flux came out she said it should have been a better film. Charlize said she was worried while they were making it. She said she was worried from the start. Howard asked if she could smell something going wrong. Charlize said she was not connecting with the story like she has felt before. Howard asked whose fault that is. Charlize said she thinks it's everyone's fault. She said that they have to take responsibility. Howard said that can happen with a film. He said you go to the premiere and the film blows. He asked if she knew it was bad. Charlize said she had seen it in screenings and there was no saving that one.

  Howard said that Charlize was directed by Robert Redford. Howard asked if he's a good director. Charlize said he's very impressive. Howard said he was a pretty boy in Hollywood and you assume he's an idiot but he's not. Charlize said he loves all aspects of making films. Howard asked what he was good at.

  Howard asked Charlize about working with Matt Damon and if she felt like she had to fall in love with him on the set. Charlize said no. She said he is a great guy. She said that she loves the Bostonian guys. She said that they're all incredible. Charlize said she fucking loves all of them. Howard said that he did a movie and it was the best. He said you fall in love with the whole thing. Howard said he fell in love with anyone who was on the set. Howard asked how she does scenes with him and doesn't have a personal relationship. Charlize said it never occurred to her. She said she has fallen for co-stars but it's not every time. She asked if Howard fell in love with Mary McCormack. Howard said of course he did. He said he had a boner in every scene.

  Charlize said when you're a professional you don't have to fall in love. Charlize said that they have qualities that she could fall for. She said she has been with someone she met on a movie set. She said she was with one guy for 10 years. Howard said it's such an unnatural environment. Howard said these people on The Bachelor fall in love on the show but then they get back to reality and they're in a one bedroom apartment with nothing in the refrigerator. Howard asked who she fell in love with. She said it was Stuart Townsend. Howard said it changes off the set. Charlize said she didn't really work with him that much on the set. She said it was about them being kidnapped away from each other. She said that she was working with Kevin Bacon mostly. She said maybe that's why they fell in love.

  Howard said Charlize did the movie ''The Ciderhuose Rules'' and she didn't really like something Tobey Maguire did. Howard asked if she can blow by that. Charlize said she looks at that movie and thinks they pulled it off. She said she thinks it goes both ways. She said that they both didn't like each other. She said she thinks that they're professional enough that they had to do it. Howard asked what it was that got to her. Howard asked if he just rubbed her the wrong way. Charlize said you're just going to come across people you don't like. She said she just saw him last week and she was fine. She said that they laugh about it now. Charlize said she saw him on 4th of July and gave him a hug. She said she saw him at a party. Howard said he saw him at a party too. He said he came over and hugged him too. Charlize said she doesn't hold on to that stuff.

  Charlize said she doesn't want to bring up old stuff like that. Howard asked if she's Facebook friends with him. Charlize said she doesn't really do that stuff. She said she has Twitter and Instagram but not all that much. She said she does use it to share things with people at times.

  Howard said he's trying to understand this. He said sometimes you're teamed up and you have to muscle through it. Howard said if you're not good at your job it's going to show up on the screen. Howard asked if she ever gets upset that she has to leave the people on the movie set. Charlize said she does. She said it's so cold turkey. She said you're with people for 50-60 or 140 days. She said you get into a ritual and they become almost a family.

  Howard asked if she was shocked that Mad Max got recognized by the Academy. Howard said it was great film making. Charlize said George Miller is great. She said certain genres aren't looked upon as serious. Howard asked if he hasn't done films that she regrets turning down. Charlize said she hasn't had regrets. She said she was attached to Chicago and she really wanted that. She said that she was hoping to be in it but she didn't get it. She said she got kicked off it. She said the director kicked her off. She said she was really bummed about that. Howard said when you're kicked off something like that it has to be tough. Charlize said this was before she won the Oscar. She said that there was a director who brought her on and the director was fired and the new guy was brought in and kicked her off. Howard asked who replaced her. She said that it as the Renee Zellwegger role. Howard asked if she saw it. Charlize said she did. She said Renee did a great job. Howard said she could have done a better job. Charlize said not at all. Howard asked how she knew she was fired. Charlize said she got a call from her manager. She said she understood why they did it. She said she totally gets it. She said she did feel it though.

  Howard asked Charlize about being a little girl and wanting to be an actor. Howard said she left South Africa and came to where. She said she came to New York. She said she modeled but she was a terrible model. Howard asked how that was terrible. Charlize said she thinks she didn't have a passion for it. She said she barely scraped by on it. She said she had a tourist visa and she had to utilize that. Charlize said that she didn't want to live off her mom or anything. She wanted to be independent. She wanted to feed herself and have a place to live. She said she had to have a job to do all of that.

  Howard asked who discovered her to be a model. Charlize said she was 15 and there was a local modeling contest. She said her mom and a friend sent a photo of her in and then she got into this competition and it was on South African TV. She said she never thought of herself as crazy beautiful.

  Howard asked if she's freaked out now when a guy wants to date her. Howard said he used to see Letterman practically orgasm when he saw her on his show. Charlize said he was so nice to her. Howard said he caught himself shaving his nasal hairs this morning because he knew she was coming in. Howard said he had a thicket in there and he didn't want her to see it. Charlize said that's very nice. Howard said men jump through hoops for her. Charlize said she didn't have guys fawning over her in high school. She said she was madly in love with a guy and he never paid attention to her. She said she hoped he'd ask her to the dance but he never did. She said she wasn't intimidating back then. She said she wasn't very showy or anything. She said her father was an alcoholic and it was embarrassing to have friends over so she never had friends over.

  Howard said that most kids would shut down emotionally based on what she saw. Her mother shot her father accidentally. Howard said that had to be tough. Charlize said that it was tough for years. She said she was floating around Europe for about 6 years pretending it didn't happen. She said she would just tell people he died in a car accident. Howard said that has to be the worst. Charlize said people don't know how to respond to that story. She said she doesn't want to feel like a victim. She said she went into therapy when she was in her late 20s and early 30s. Howard asked if she knew she was traumatized.

  Howard asked if her mom is still alive. Charlize said she is and she lives just a couple of miles away from her. She said she's never had therapy. She said dealing with something like that was tough. She said that she just went ahead with everything and moved on. Howard said she should go to therapy too. Charlize said that they have both dealt with that night very well. She said that it's not just about that one night. She said she experienced something very frightening. She said that you don't know what your day is gong to be like with an alcoholic parent.

  Howard asked if her therapy started because of that. Charlize said that she started the therapy because her relationship was coming to an end with Stuart and she wanted it to work.

  Howard asked Charlize about becoming a ballerina and how her knees gave out. Charlize said that it was coming. She said that she was tall and she was young and naive. She said she thought she was young and invincible. Howard asked if that was crushing to her. Charlize said it was. She said she was stuck in her apartment with no windows in a basement. She said she was sharing it with 3 other girls. She said she was living there for about a month. She said her mom flew out and kicked her in the ass and told her that she had to try something. Howard asked if she thinks the knee pain was self sabotage. Charlize said that's really interesting. Howard said he has learned a lot about back pain and knee pain. Charlize said she read the book that Howard has talked about. Howard said think about that. He said maybe she should go back to being a Ballerina.

  Howard said he saw Atomic Blonde and he loved it. He said he loves people being shot and killed. Howard said he loves the John Wick movies and they were made by the guy who did Atomic Blonde. Howard said Charlize has worked with Keanu Reeves too. Charlize said she trained with him. Howard said he's seen Keanu's training and he can really shoot. Charlize said he was a real inspiration for her. Howard said you can see they're really working the equipment in those movies. Charlize said that she had to look authentic. She said she didn't want people to think that she can't do that stuff.

  Howard said the first big film she had was Devil's Advocate with Keanu Reeves. Howard asked if she had gone to acting school. Charlize said she took some acting classes. She said that she was only 19 in that film. She said she worked with a woman in some classes at an acting school. She said it was very useful. She said she didn't know who to break down a script.

  Howard said that he really liked The Devil's Advocate. Howard said she played someone who went nuts. Howard asked if she ever watches it. Charlize said she's seen it enough. Howard asked if she ever sees herself thinking that she could have done better. Charlize said she does that all the time. Howard said he thinks she did really well in that. Charlize said that's very sweet. Howard said that she had to audition a lot for that one.

  Howard said he's only ever made one film. Charlize said that she thinks he should make another one. Howard said she seems to know what she's talking about. Charlize said she loves that movie and he should make another one. Howard said he may take her up on that.

  Howard said he liked her in Mighty Joe Young. Howard said he likes that better than King Kong. Howard said that Mighty Joe Young was more likeable than King Kong. Howard asked how she acts in a film like that. Charlize said that she loved making it because it was a technical challenge she's never had before. Howard said he loves talking apes and things like that.

  Howard asked Charlize about working with Al Pacino and Keanu in Devil's Advocate. Howard said it has to be intimidating. Charlize said they were both very supportive. She said she had known Keanu very well already because he had auditioned with her. Howard asked if either of them came on to her at all. Charlize said they didn't but maybe she's clueless to that kind of thing. Howard said maybe she is. Howard said he was telling Robin that his wife modeled and she doesn't know how much stuff happens to her because of her beauty. Howard told her the story about her high school principal coming to visit her every day while she was expelled. Charlize said that's creepy. Howard said she never had to pay for a newspaper or candy. Howard said guys must offer Charlize free stuff too. Charlize said no. She said she doesn't really know. She said she doesn't know who she is anymore.

  Howard asked who her favorite director was. Charlize said that's a tough one. She said that Monster with Patty was one of the best. She said Patty saw more in her than she saw in herself. She said that she had to go in and prove herself. She said the producer didn't know what they were making. She said that he told her she looks terrible and he freaked out about the whole thing. Charlize said she wasn't that secure with that movie. She said they were pushing the envelope with that. She said she didn't know if it was shit. She said she talked to Patty about it and she told her not to talk to this guy again.

  Howard asked Charlize if she called that guy after she won the Oscar and asked if he gets it now. Charlize said on the DVD behind the scenes he's taking credit for all of it. She said she never wants to talk to that guy again. Howard said it's amazing how everyone in Hollywood takes credit. Charlize said it's fucking annoying.

  Howard asked how she gained weight for that role. Charlize asked if she's really asking her that. She said you stop working out and she loves pasta and bread. She said she loves potato chips too. Howard said he has this discussion with his wife where he asks when they're going to get fat and just eat. Charlize said that will never happen. Howard said they'll eat fun foods some day. Howard said it'll be something he loves. Charlize said she has enjoyed it when she's done it. Charlize said just walking in and not having restrictions is great. She said it's amazing.

  Howard said Charlize had to take a pay cut to do Atomic Blonde. Howard said he hopes she has a cut of the back end. Charlize said she thought it out and she'll be fine.

  Robin asked if she had to push for that role. Charlize said she did and for someone like her to do that is tough. Charlize said she's not sure what she even makes. Howard said he's not sure what he makes. Charlize said she'll be fine and the conversation isn't even about her. She said it's about women in their industry. She said there are women who don't have the freedom.

  Howard asked how many films she makes a year. Charlize said she worked a lot last year but this year not so much. Howard asked what she does when she's not working. Charlize said she'd love to be in Bora Bora. She said that's a great place to go. She said you just don't do a fucking thing there. She said you just hang under a palm tree. Howard asked if she smokes weed there. Charlize laughed. She said she can't smoke weed anymore. She said that she becomes so uninteresting. She said she switches off. Howard asked if she has a medial marijuana card. Charlize said she doesn't but everyone around her does. She said it just happened one day where she wasn't able to do it anymore.

  Howard asked if she tried other drugs. Charlize said she would experiment. She said she tried Ecstasy. Charlize said she worried that she was done with all of that by the time she was in her 30s. She said she was just done.

  Howard said she has two kids now and she's not pining away for that. Charlize said she's in bed by 8:45 and she loves it. Howard asked when she gets up. Charlize said she's up at 6:30. Howard asked if she has breakfast. Charlize said she has a V8. Howard asked if she drinks coffee. She said she's into green tea now.

  Howard asked Charlize if she thinks that the yenta moms are all trying to get into her house. Charlize said she's not sure about that. Howard asked if she has actress friends. Charlize said she's very close to Mary McCormack. She said she likes Chelsea Handler too. She said she is the center of it all out there. She said she met Mary through Chelsea. Howard said she is the conduit. Charlize said that she thinks everyone should share everything with everyone else.

  Howard said it sounds like it's so great out there. Howard said he's just hanging out in the house. Charlize said they're hanging out by the pool while the kids are in the pool.

  Howard asked what kind of stuff she spends her money on. Charlize said she spends it on travel. She said she has lived in the same house for 20 years but she's redone it like 3 times. Howard asked if she has a nanny. Charlize said it's all her. Howard said the guys she dates have to vibe with the kids. Charlize said that she has to wait a long time. She said once she had her kids she turned into such a mom. She said her body turned off. She said she had no desire to date. Howard said he was so glad she broke up with Sean Penn. Howard said he's not pining away for her but he was so happy about that.

  Howard asked why she did the Vin Diesel movie. Charlize said she has a great relationship with people at Universal Studios. She said she has her over all deals there. She said she has an office there at Universal. She said she doesn't go there every day but there are people she works with who are there every day. Howard asked if they're by Seth Rogen. Charlize said that they're near the Ted statue. Howard said she worked with Seth MacFarlane. She said she did. She said she had to go do something fun and she had to do the film with Seth.

  Howard asked how she broke her teeth on this film. Charlize said she was clenching her teeth and she cracked her teeth doing that. Howard said the lesbian scene shocked him in the film. Charlize said she didn't think anything would shock Howard at this point.

  Howard asked if this was the best shape she's ever been in. Charlize said it was. She said that she did a lot of training.

  Howard said that this was a graphic novel before it was a film. Howard asked how she got into it. Charlize said they were looking for something like this and they wanted a female character that could function like a guy. Howard asked how long she trained. Charlize said she did that for 2 and a half months. Howard asked if she didn't do a lot of gun training with Keanu. She said she had done a lot for Mad Max. She said she doesn't like guns. She said she isn't a big gun person. Howard said that movie is full of that stuff. Charlize said the end sequence was turned into a big gun battle from just a small scene.

  Howard asked how she did the working out. Charlize said she would go to a gym after dropping the kids off. Howard asked what she wears when she's training. Charlize said that there's video of her training. She said it's not pretty. Howard asked how many hours she trains. Charlize said it's 3-4 hours. She said she did dialect to learn all of that too. Howard asked if she had good abs. She said there's a close up of them and even she was like ''fuck!'' Howard said he'd go to see it just for the 8 pack. Howard said he loves this type of movie. He said he thinks it's going to do very well. He said it's a super hero movie. Charlize said it's not a super hero movie. She said this is a woman who is completely capable. She said she's not flying from a wire. She said she's doing hand to hand combat. Howard said she's an incredible fighter and all of that.

  Howard said it's hot. Charlize said that's funny. Howard said he has to be funny because he doesn't have looks. Charlize told him to stop with that. She said he doesn't need to do that. Howard said he's in therapy all the time. He said he thinks he's a lot better but he's been extremely distant and he has to work on that. Howard said that's why he was asking about trauma. Robin asked what traumatized him. Howard said being called a moron every day. Howard said he can't out traumatize her. Charlize said sometimes smaller things can be more traumatic. Howard said he agrees.

  Charlize said she has heard Howard's father ordering Rochford cheese. Howard did his impression of his dad ordering and Charlize said that's amazing. Howard said he wanted to be a better father too so that's another reason he went to therapy.

  Charlize asked if he feels more distant now. Howard said he feels he's in a lot better place. He said he's a lot more connected. He said today it was about Charlize. He said he couldn't have done that 15 years ago. He said he would have made it about himself. Charlize said he's really interesting. She said she likes it when it's about him. She said he's a very interesting person. Charlize said that a good conversation is where you have both sides.

  Howard said she's kind of fun. He asked if she's high maintenance. Charlize said she doesn't think so. She said she might be as much as anyone else is. She said she's not an angel. She said she's tough to be around. Howard asked if she can be into a guy. She said she's not needy but she thinks when she was younger she let men get away with shit she shouldn't. She said now she thinks she's better now.

  Howard asked Charlize if she will go to the bathroom in front of a guy she's with. Charlize said she will. Howard said he thinks with her that's hot. Charlize said she won't go number 2. She said that peeing isn't a big deal to her. Howard said he won't do anything in front of his wife. He said they don't do anything in front of each other. He said they keep it hot. Charlize said that's cute.

  Howard asked when she last went on a date. Charlize said she went on one about a month ago. She said it's hard to meet guys. She said she wishes she could meet guys outside of the industry. Howard said that may not happen. He said that's where she works. Charlize said she wants to be with a guy who can climb a mountain. Howard said that guy is going to be a slacker. He said he won't be making money because he's busy climbing mountains. Charlize said she doesn't care about physical stuff. Howard said he's trying to think of who she dates. Howard said Sean Penn is kind of macho. He said that Stuart guy he's not so sure about.

  Howard said he was going to set her up with Wayne Siegel out on Long Island. Howard said he likes that she's not with anyone. Charlize said that's selfish.

  Howard asked when she went on a date and where she went. She said it was about a month ago. She said it was a great date. She said it was incredible. Charlize said this guy really impressed her. She said they went for a 9 mile hike during the night when there was a full moon. Howard said this guy is playing her. Howard asked what they did. She said they ended up going for a walk in the middle of the night. Howard asked if she was scared of cougars and werewolves at night. Charlize said not at all. Robin asked if he told her what they were going to do. She said he said they might go for a walk. She said he was super funny and it was great. Howard said he's going to get a second date. Charlize said that it was fun. She said that he is just a super cool dude. Howard said it must be a famous dude. Charlize just laughed. Howard said he'll take that as a yes.

  Howard started to wrap up and gave Charlize some plugs for Atomic Blonde. Howard said that he loved the movie. He said she did it all. Howard said it's great fun. He said it's dark but fun. Howard said he liked the lesbianism in the movie. Charlize said there's no such thing. She said she's bi-sexual in he film. Howard said he didn't get that. Howard said she's way more worked up about this woman. Howard said that other chick is something. Charlize said she's in The Mummy. Howard asked if she has to prepare for a film by being with another woman. Charlize laughed. Howard asked if she does research for roles.

  Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said that Howard should watch her on Arrested Development. He said she also worked with Jason Reitman on Young Love. Howard said he used to think he should have gone and found another career. He said he didn't think he was going to make it. He said he used to make jewelry. Charlize said she didn't know that. She said she loved working with Jason. She said they did another film called Tully and it's the same team as Young Adult. She said it's Jason and Diablo Cody. Howard said he just hung up with Ralph. He gave Charlize more plugs for the movie and said she has back end in this. He said she didn't take up front. Charlize said she's playing the roulette table.

  Howard said Charlize said African American. He said people may not realize that. Howard said she's South African American. Charlize said she's not sure she wants to go with that. She said she does love America and she is from South Africa though.

  Howard asked if she was raised on a farm. She said she did have a goat as a pet. Howard asked if she's a vegetarian. Charlize said she isn't actually. She said that the goat lived his life out and his name was Bok. Charlize said that means Goat. Howard gave her more plugs and wrapped up the interview. They went to break after that.

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• Charlize Theron Recap. 07/19/17. 10:35am
  After the break Howard came right back and said that was exciting. Robin asked if he enjoyed his time. Howard said he did. He said she's very tall. He said they're both very tall and they took some pictures. He said she's about as tall as he is in her heels. Howard said she said he's very tall and he said so is she. Howard said they said they could make a race of giants together.

  Howard said he does remember her in Mighty Joe Young and he always liked that better than King Kong. Even when he was a kid. Howard said King Kong was the bigger star but he liked Mighty Joe Young. Howard said he was a knock off but he liked it better. Howard said he can't remember why they called him Mighty Joe Young. Robin said she's sure the girl made up his name. Howard said he has a guy's name. Joe Young. Howard said he doesn't like human names on apes.

  Howard said Mighty Joe Young wasn't the biggest. He said King Kong was taller. Robin said he was super natural. Howard said Mighty Joe Young was made by the same people who made King Kong and they just came up with a similar theme.

  Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who said she's the hottest chick he's ever had on the show. Howard said Gary was going crazy over her.

  Jim asked what she was wearing. Howard said he tried not to get caught up in what she was wearing. He said he wouldn't have been able to concentrate. Robin described what she was wearing. Jim asked if he can imagine what it would be like to have sex with her. Howard paused for a few seconds and let out and ''Uh...'' Robin asked where he went there for a second.

  Howard wondered if guys are disappointed when they have sex with her. Howard said there might be pressure on her to live up to that sex symbol thing. Robin said that it's like a super hero costume that you can never take off. Robin said she always has to be Charlize Theron. Howard said it's no wonder that guy took her on a 9 mile walk at night.

  Jim said that she seemed to be listening to what Howard said too. He said she was listening about the bathroom stuff. Howard said she was very nice too. Howard thanked Jim for the call.

• Robin's News. 07/19/17. 10:45am
  Howard said it's time to do some news. Fred played her into the news with a song parody from Patrick in Kansas. Howard asked what song that was to. Fred said he's not sure. Howard said it sounds like Danzig. Robin said she knows she's heard the song before. Fred found the song and it was Danzig's ''Mother.'' He played some of it for Howard. Then they replayed some of the song from Patrick in Kansas. Howard said he thinks he likes the Robin song better.

  Robin started off her news saying that the Governor of New York has an initiative for the people of New York. Robin said he's urging companies to hire people with past convictions. Robin said she thinks that might be good for them. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said it might work for other companies but not for them. Robin said they've gotten 80 businesses to sign on for that.

  Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she saw the sex scene with Charlize. She said that she was thinking about that the whole time. She said that Benjy should be fired for talking to Howard the way he did earlier. She said he's a piece of shit. Howard let her go after that.

  Robin read a story about Emily Ratajkowski being back to what she does best. Robin said she's in Allure magazine and only wearing a belt in one picture. Howard said she is good at being in pictures. Howard said she's a good looking woman. He said you can't take that away from her. Howard said her problem is that they can't figure out what to do with her. Howard said she's hot in that Robin Thicke video. Howard said she should be earning somehow but they can't figure it out. Howard said she's hot but they can't figure out how to pay her. Howard said in the old days she could have charged for nudes but not these days. Robin said any part of her that they take a picture of is awesome. Howard said they have to make a second Wheel of Fortune. He said imagine her turning over those letters. Robin said she'd be dressed. Howard said you put her in hot outfits. Howard said she's naked in every picture. He said no one cares if she's not naked. Howard said she was in some movie and the movie wasn't very good. Robin said she was in Gone Girl. Howard said she's not very tall. He said she can't be a runway model. Howard said imagine she's in every video on MTV dancing around naked. Howard said she's beautiful but some agent is knocking his head against a wall because they can't figure out what to do with her. Howard said she should marry someone like Tommy Lee. Robin said Pam Anderson is in the paper today too. Robin said she has turned 50. Howard asked why she would do that. He said Emily should be Trump's new press secretary. Howard said he would do something like that. Howard said he'd love that. He said he's going to drop him a note about that.

  Howard took a call from Balls who said he wanted to say he loved Charlize Theron. He said he related to her because he grew up in an abusive situation too. Howard thanked him for the call. Balls asked what the most sentimental thing Beth has ever given him. Howard asked if a BJ counts. Balls said he was thinking about something else. Howard said she gives him her time. Balls said that's a good answer. Howard said he has a necklace that Beth gave him. He said it has an He on one side and a B on the other. Howard said this necklace smacks her in the teeth sometimes while they're having sex but she puts up with it because she got it for him. He said he asks if she wants him to take it off but she always says no. Howard said she also tattooed an He on her body which is pretty hot too.

  Robin read a story about Madonna getting a letter from a company that is going to be auctioning off some of her items including panties, pictures and a hair brush. Robin said there are letters from Tupac and others too. Robin said Tupac was breaking up with her in one letter. Howard said Ralph should have grabbed up his underpants that he was getting rid of. He could be auctioning them off. Robin said she had someone pack up her stuff and they stole this stuff. Howard said the personal letter thing would bug him. He said he thinks the hair brush would too. Robin said they say they have about 120 items to auction off. Robin said that will be happening later this month. Robin read about some of the other items they have and said Madonna asked them to take out about 22 items that she didn't want auctioned off.

  Howard took a call from Ralph who asked if Charlize was wearing something hot. Howard said she was. Ralph said King of All Blacks is using Howard's name to borrow cars and he should talk about that next week. Howard said that he got a lot of email about that. King was on the phone so Howard picked up on him. Ralph said he's so tacky. Howard said he used his name and the show name to get something. King said the guy recognized him from the show. He said he played it up from there. Ralph said yeah right. He said it's not a TV show. King said they recognize the voice sometimes. King said he doesn't put his name on his license plate or anything. Ralph said he should change his name to his real name. King said his name is Lawrence. Ralph said his name should be Lawrence the retired garbage man. King said he has 3 cars and when it rains none of them get wet. Ralph said that car he was talking about wasn't that great either. He said it's that boxy thing. He said it's a horrible car. King asked if the G65 is a horrible car. King said Ralph doesn't know anything about cars. Howard said he has a sense of style. King said if he did he'd like this truck. Ralph said the Aston Martin in the last James Bond movie was hot. King said that's corny.

  Ralph said he's hanging up. He said he's not getting through to him. Ralph told him to go buy something expensive with his daddy's money. He hung up. Howard said this is the battle of the network nobodies.

  Howard said he has to go. King said he wanted to ask him something. He said he has something better. Howard said he never lets him go. King said they have beautiful wives but doesn't he worry that they're going to get old. Howard said he doesn't worry about that. He said he's old too. Howard said you evaluate from year to year. Howard said he is going to freeze Beth. He said she actually looks great.

  Robin read a story about a Wisconsin cop who encountered a naked man walking down the street. Robin said he decided to tazer the guy. Robin said the guy's chest hair caught on fire. Howard said that's why you shave down. Robin said the 32 year old man was ranting in the street naked and the shock from the stun gun struck a lighter in his hand and that caused the fire in his chest hair and beard. Howard said he loves that. He said don't walk around naked.

  Robin read a story about OJ Simpson and how he might be getting out of prison. Robin said everyone is worried about that. Robin said it's as if he's a danger to all of us. Howard asked ''Isn't he?'' Robin said she won't be around him. Howard said he got off with that Nicole Simpson and Ron Brown thing. Howard said it's crazy. Robin said this wasn't for that crime. Robin said there is a limit on how long you can keep him in prison. Robin said he has done the 9 years and he's up for parole. Howard said that one of the guys who was a victim of the crime is saying he should be forgiven. Howard said he shouldn't be saying that. Robin said he wants to go back to Florida but they could keep him in Nevada.

  Robin read a story about Governor Christie being the least popular governor in the country. Robin said he was at a Mets game last night and caught a foul ball. Robin said they always show you on the big Jumbotron. Robin said he gave the ball to a young boy but the crowd still booed him. Robin said that had to hurt. Howard said he's one of the guys being considered to take over for Mike Francesa on WFAN.

  Robin read a story about NASA saying that there is no evidence of intelligent live being on Mars. Howard said there's no life anywhere else. Howard said we're a fluke. Robin said he's going to feel stupid when it happens. Howard said let him feel stupid.

  Robin read a story about sleep deprivation being linked to depression. Howard said Benjy is depressed. Robin said he was on all kinds of medication. Robin said there is a link so he should explore.

  Robin said they haven't gone through the top 5 songs lately. Howard had some fake Underdog Lady singing an Ed Sheeran song. He had Asian Pete singing a Bruno Mars song and then played some fake Caitlyn Jenner singing a DJ Khaled song and then another Asian Pete song from DJ Khaled. Number 1 was Sal singing ''Gary Dell'Abito'' which was a parody of the song ''Despacito.'' Howard said the real song is huge. Robin said it's a huge hit on streaming services. Howard said Caitlyn Jenner does a great version of that song too. He played a clip of fake Caitlyn singing that song. He had Asian Pete singing it too.

  Robin read a story about a woman who got a face transplant back in May. Robin said they spent 30 hours repairing her face after it was damaged by a gunshot. Howard said he needs a new face. Robin said Charlize told him he has to stop with that. Howard said they're so nice to him but he knows.

  Robin read a story about United airlines profits going up even after they dragged a passenger off a couple of months ago. Robin said ticket sales have been going way up. Howard said people don't really care.

  Robin read a story about Netflix and how they are now all over the world and they have more subscribers everywhere else in the world than in the United States. Howard said he loves what they did with Marvel and the series they have on there. Robin said she got upset with them when they took off Sense8. Robin said it pissed her off so much and she's not watching Netflix as much as she used to. Howard said just go to the mall and look at people's asses to see how much TV people are watching. Robin said she watches the big series like ''House of Cards'' and ''Orange is the New Black'' but she used to be on it even more. Howard said she went through all of the show so it's time to take a break.

  Robin read a story about people taking their kids to fancy bars and places like that. Robin said people will bring their baby there. Howard said that's wrong. Robin said babies don't belong everywhere. Howard said it's not right.

  Robin read a story about a family being kicked off a Jetblue flight. Robin said it was a woman with 3 kids and the whole problem started when the kid kicked the seat of someone in front of her. Robin said the passengers had words and they asked the woman to step off to have a conversation. Robin said the woman recorded it all. She had some audio of the flight crew asking her to step off the plane.

  Howard said he saw Russell Simmons up there yesterday. He said he got a big hug from him. He said people were video'ing it. He said it makes you self conscious. Howard said they just do it and don't tell you they're recording. Howard said he just ran off when he figured that out.

  Robin read a story about how it was the third hottest June in history last month. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.

• Thursday Replay Show. 07/20/17. 7:00am
  Here's what they played on today's replay show:
  • Robert O'Neill. 07/20/17. 7:00am
  • Howard's Screeners & More. 07/20/17. 8:20am
  • Staff Vacation Recap. 07/20/17. 8:50am
  • High Pitch Erik's Live Cam. 07/20/17. 10:35am

  Today's show was over around 10:55am.

• Friday Replay Show. 07/21/17. 7:00am
  Here's what they played on today's replay show:
  • Charlize Theron. 07/21/17. 7:00am
  • Howard's Night. 07/21/17. 8:55am
  • Zach's Penis Problems. 07/21/17. 9:30am
  • Guns N' Roses Ticket Contest. 07/21/17. 10:15am

  Today's show was over around 10:55am.