Howard and the guys were back from vacation this morning. Howard started the show talking about being back and testing his microphone out. He was doing an impression of his father doing the ''testing, testing... one, two.'' He said his dad was a recording engineer and he loved testing. Howard asked where that tape is. Fred played some of that audio where Ben was talking about ''proper modulation'' and ''a green type of tube.'' Howard laughed. Robin asked if he knew what he was talking about. He said his dad had an engineering background and he knew what that stuff was. Howard said he was dumbing it down for them. Robin asked who he was thanking. Howard said exactly. He said he was just looking for something to say.
Howard had a clip of Miley Cyrus announcing who was coming in today. She announced that Kevin Hart is coming in. Howard said Miley said she would come on the show but that was like 3 years ago. He said she hasn't come in yet. He said she's a loose cannon and she's got to learn to keep herself under control. He said he thinks that she might be scared of Benjy.
Howard said Kevin will be in today to promote something. Gary said it's a new book about his life. Howard said he's had some life. Robin said he's trying to be the king of all media. Howard said he saw on Calista Flockhart that she's calling herself the queen of all media. Howard said it's an homage to the show. He said there are a lot of alien attacks on Supergirl.
Robin brought up the Wonder Woman movie and Howard asked if she saw it yet. Robin said she hasn't. Howard said he was reading about the female director and they're saying that the reason for the big success is that she told a story with heart and it worked. Howard said he had a female director for his movie ''Private Parts'' and he thinks that helped bring it some heart too. Howard said this woman was talking about the story and he saw Baywatch the movie. Robin asked if that's what he really watched. Howard said it was not good but it could have been good. He said they had some funny scenes but they needed a romance in there. He said they had all of these sexless hot girls and no story. He said the people he's proud of are the Wachowski brothers who became women so they can do a better job.
Howard said he's anxious to see the Wonder Woman movie. Robin said she is too. She said she was thinking back to the Wonder Woman comic books and she was always saving the world. Howard said Wonder Woman won't be shown in Lebanon because the woman who plays Wonder Woman is Israeli. He said the world is never going to change.
Howard said they called the Angry Political guy and used his voice. He said you'll see why the world is never going to change. Howard played the call and the guys used his voice to ask the Angry Political Guy questions about the Jews. Angry Political Guy was saying the Jews are evil and satanic. Angry Political Guy was saying that no Jews were gassed and they were only gassed to kill the lice the nasty Jews had.
Howard said that's Mel Gibson's favorite prank call. Robin asked if that's what he played to show the world will never change. Robin said that guy is not the world. Howard had fake Angry Political Guy on the phone. Angry Political Guy was going on and on about the Jews and talking about what he said in that phony phone call. Robin asked why he said they never gassed the Jews. Angry Political Guy yelled at her about that.
Howard said that they got a lot of email about Angry Political Guy. He tried to find some of the email. He read some and people said they liked it when he was filling in for Gary.
Apples asked Howard if he saw Bill Maher with his N-word scandal. Howard said he has some things to say about that. He said he can do a block about comedians. Robin said there was also Kathy Griffin. Howard said he'll have Fred spin the wheel and he'll talk about whoever it lands on first. Fred said he has to find the wheel. He found it and played the clip.
Howard said he was in a deli the other day and he had someone ask if he was the guy from America's Got Talent. Howard said he's not sure if he should admit to that. He said he wants to forget that he was on the show. Howard said it's like asking Paul McCartney if he's the guy from Wings. He said that band is fine but he wants to be known as being from The Beatles.
Howard said he and Bill Maher are in some kind of tiff over nothing. He said they haven't' been friends since he didn't back him on something controversial he said years ago. Howard said he seems to be doing fine though. Howard said he likes Bill's show and he watches his show. Howard said Bill is not a likeable guy. He said some celebrities are likeable and Bill isn't one of those guys. He said that Bill is one of those guys that isn't beloved. Robin said she didn't know that. Howard said he's making all of this up. He said he's a little bit arrogant and all of that. Howard said he must color his hair. Fred said he thinks he might be going back to natural.
Howard said Bill Maher went on his show the other night and he was interviewing a senator from Nebraska. He said that Bill told the guy that he doesn't work in the field and he's a ''house nigger.'' Howard said he knew this was coming up when he was watching it. Howard said people are calling for him to be fired over this. Howard said he was watching it knowing this was coming. He said then when he said it he was like ''OOOooo'' He said when he saw it the clip was like in slow motion to him.
Howard said it wasn't necessary and it wasn't a good thing to say. He said it's not for him to use. Howard said black comics can use it. He said white guys like that just can't get away with it. Howard said he's not sure if Bill is racist or not. He said he hears people like Roger Waters talking about the Jews and Israel and it makes him angry. He said he wants him fired. Howard said he knows how a black man would feel about Bill dropping the N-word. Robin said not everyone feels the same way.
Howard said he knows Bill's show is live and when you're doing a show live you say a lot of things. Howard said that happens on this show. Howard said he regrets saying some things. Howard said you want to be funny and he thinks Bill was trying to be funny. He said his track record with his views shows he's very funny and intelligent. Howard said he's not throwing around the n-word a lot. He said it wasn't funny but he doesn't have a history of being a racist asshole or anything. He said that he doesn't appear to have animosity toward racial groups or anything. He said he'd hate to see him get fired. Howard said HBO has said it was despicable and deplorable and maybe they're right. Howard said he doesn't think he should be fired. He said his voice is important and it should be heard.
Howard said he saw Imus say something to a black woman off the air that indicated that he was a racist. Howard said he came down on him real hard. He said there was a history with Imus. Howard said with Bill Maher he's not sure there is a history there. He said he hopes they don't fire Bill Maher over that. He said they should keep him on the air. He said he apologized and he thinks he handled it appropriately.
Howard said Kathy Griffin is a whole other story. He said he likes Kathy and she's a good guest on the show. He said she posed for a picture where she was holding a likeness of Donald Trump and it was covered in blood. He said it was her statement on something Trump said about Megyn Kelly. He said if you don't know what it was about then go read a fucking paper.
Howard said Kathy Griffin made an apology and she did it without makeup. He said that was a mistake. He said he didn't know it was her. He said he thought someone beat her up. He said it was apology through no makeup. Robin said it was very strange. Howard said he didn't think that was Kathy Griffin. He said she must have wanted to show she was sincere so she did it without makeup. Howard said that was scarier than the severed head. He doesn't know what she was thinking there.
Howard said Kathy should have stopped there. Then CNN took her off the New Year's Eve gig. Howard said they fired her from CNN and Squatty Potty hired her as a spokesperson and then they fired her. Howard said that's hardly a backlash. Howard said that's embarrassing. Howard said when he read about that he was trying to get them to keep that quiet. Howard said that's the extent of her firings. Howard said she must have gotten into a panic over being fired. Howard said Kathy comes out with a lawyer and holds a press conference. Howard said she's crying and in a panic. Howard said he wanted to tell her that she shouldn't apologize. Howard said in our history Jane Fonda went over and hung out with the Viet Cong. Howard said that she has been criticized for that but she was trying to show that they're not our enemy. Howard said Kathy should have said she was trying to create a dialog and some people might disagree with it. Howard said you'd think that she actually chopped off his head. Howard said he thinks it is going too far but it's really not. He said it's just a picture. He said that Kathy is showing that she can shock people back like Trump shocks people. Howard said she's trying to shock people into asking what the fuck is going on? Howard said she should have held his head up at the press conference. Howard said now the FBI is looking into this. Robin said it is a threat. Howard said he's not sure why everyone is carrying on. Robin said she expected it to go away. She said they were bringing it up on these panel talk shows. Howard said Ted Nugent used to say shit about Obama. Howard said that he plays guitar. Howard asked who cares.
Howard said he thought it was over the line but he's not going to give it 2 minutes of his attention. Robin said if it's stupid just ignore it. Howard said Kathy was crying and carrying on. He said she was upset about being fired. Howard said she should have taken the head out and tongue kissed it on stage. Howard said the head should have started talking to her. He asked why everyone is carrying on.
Howard said maybe CNN can have the head co-host with Anderson Cooper on New Year's Eve. Howard said he's not sure why they're making such a big deal out of this. Robin said they were making it sound like this stuff never happens to any other president. Robin said they forget about what went on in the past. Howard said that there are a lot of disturbing images when people protest. Howard asked who gives a fuck. Robin said it was an attempt at a joke and the joke wasn't funny. Robin said that's where you get in trouble. Howard said she should have worn makeup too.
Howard said that Kathy should get over the Squatty Potty firing. Howard said she should just move on. Howard said now they've hired the bloody head to be a spokesperson. Howard said everyone is insane. He said we have to calm the fuck down.
Robin asked what Kathy needed a lawyer for. Howard said that was the best. Howard said it's the worst when you come out with your lawyer. He said she isn't in that much trouble. Howard said that trump head is the hottest thing in show business. Howard said the bloody head is dating Jennifer Lawrence now.
Robin said they had a video of the making of that picture. Howard said it was the shittiest head too. He said it wasn't very good at all. Robin said they're saying that it's so shocking that it could end her career.
Howard said he should take a break. He said he's trying to figure out what's going on. He said Kevin Hart will be there in a few minutes. He said he's a little rusty and he has to get back into it. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if he watched The Bachelorette and heard the ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard said he did and it was Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis who did that. Howard said they said it twice and it was a great honor. Howard said it goes by quick. He had the clip so he played it. In the clip Mila said it first and then Ashton said it too. Howard said they will honor Ashton by having him in soon.
Howard said it's Beetlejuice's 49th birthday. Howard said he's 49 years young. Howard played him singing. The guys put it to the tune of Happy Birthday.
Howard played a new commercial parody for an album that Robin made. They had Robin singing a lot of different songs.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he'd totally buy that album. Howard said they say it's going to be the biggest of all time. The caller went on to say he's not being fair to Kathy Griffin and Bill Maher. He said Bill thought he was being funny and he failed at it. He said that Kathy was much more violent. Howard said it wasn't funny and it was gross. Howard asked what he's disagreeing with. The caller said he's giving Kathy a pass on this. Howard said she lost Squatty Potty already. He said how much more does she deserve. The caller said she loves to push buttons. Howard said if he had that Trump head he'd throw it at this caller. He said it's an offensive picture but she did it as a protest and she should own it. He asked why he came back here. Howard said all he did was sit and stare at the wall the whole week. He said he loves it when it rains. He said he might run into people when summer comes.
Robin said that there used to be people who would put their elderly parents in a garage looking out on people during the summer. Howard said he has to get into shape for summer. He said he has to hit the weights. Howard said he has to get to Kevin Hart so he's going to take a break. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard came back and said that Kevin Hart is there. He said he's the most successful comic out there right now. Howard asked who is more successful than him. Kevin said he doesn't know. Howard said since 2013 his movies have earned over $3.5 billion. Kevin said that's true. Howard said that Kevin has a new book out called ''I Can't Make This Up: Life Lessons'' and it's remarkable that he's beat the odds and become this successful. Kevin said there is reason to celebrate. He said he thinks you have time for that when you're done. He said he still hasn't completed his goals. He said he wants to become a mogul. Howard asked what that means. Kevin said it's a man who stands on a brand that he built and it becomes so big that businesses are businesses because of that brand.
Howard said maybe produce movies. Kevin said he's already doing that. Howard said there are people who want to become moguls but they grab too much. Kevin said you can't just become NASCAR and have stickers all over you. He said he's got authenticity behind him. He said that's his brand. He said he's not going to attach himself to anything that people won't believe he'd do.
Kevin said he was a fan of Tommy John forever and he want and talked to them and wanted to invest in that. He said he's an owner in Tommy John. Howard said he didn't know that. Kevin said this is the business behind the brand. He said he was head over heels over the product and went out and found him to invest.
Howard said Kevin has said it takes a year to put out a comedy special. He has to go out on stage and create and then make it into a special. He said he has no material, just bullet points, and he takes it from there. Kevin said he's done 5 specials and had amazing success with all of them. He said he keeps raising the bar for himself. Kevin said he's trying to become the best that he can. Howard said Dave Chappelle gave him some great respect. He said Chappelle's kids wanted to meet Kevin. They think he's funny and their dad isn't. Kevin said that he's able to do things now that those guys opened the door for.
Kevin told a story about working with Chris Rock and then Dave Chappelle came in and did his act. He said he and Chris had been working on stuff and Dave did so well that they just threw away their stuff.
Howard said he watched Chappelle and Louis C.K. on Netflix and he had to rethink what he's doing. He said that Chappelle doesn't appear to be doing stand up. Kevin said it's like conversation. He said he has to rework his stuff and keep it in reality. Howard said Eddie Murphy said to him that he hadn't been in a store in a long time so he doesn't know what's going on. Kevin said Eddie told him with stand up it's like getting in a cold pool. He said that he puts his toe in it and it's too cold. He said once he gets in he'll be okay but it's too cold for him to jump back into it.
Howard said Eddie has so much to live up to and he doesn't want to fuck up that legacy. Kevin said he gets that. He said that he was thinking about where Eddie was when he was doing his thing. He said he was making it like a rock star kind of thing. Kevin said he's doing stadiums himself and he's trying to do that rock star kind of thing.
Howard said Kevin is creating this big brand and he's trying to make his fans happy. Kevin said that's the beauty of competing with yourself. He said when that hour dies, it dies. He said it's dead to him. He said he has to come up with new stuff. He said that he gets comfortable with the new material.
Howard asked Kevin how he has time to devote to all of that. Kevin said you binge it and then take a break. He said he'll go a week and then he'll go on stage a bunch. He said then he'll take a week off. He said that he'll work on 10 minutes at a time and then another 10 a couple of weeks after that. He said he has a writing team that helps him out. He said he'll go on stage and they'll keep track of what he likes and doesn't like. He said he tapes it all and goes back and listens. He said he does homework.
Kevin said that when you become a victim of your success you don't go out and see what's going on in the world. He said he still goes out and goes to restaurants and all of that. He said you get out so you have something to talk about. Robin said when Seinfeld had his success he wanted to go back to stand up and he would get a standing ovation. Kevin said that's like a cheat factor. He said you have to go out at like 1 in the morning and go when it's tougher. He said bombing is the best feeling in the world when you're at this level. He said they're being honest with you. He said that it may not be good so it's a good way to tell.
Howard said there are some comics who say they bomb on purpose so they can get the audience back. Kevin said he doesn't believe that.
Howard asked what Kevin thinks of the Kathy Griffin thing. Howard said he was talking about it earlier. He told Kevin some of the stuff he was saying. Kevin said the beauty of social media is that it's a gift and a curse. He said you have to take responsibility for your actions. He said you put it out there and see what happens. He said that you go and put yourself in a position that you shouldn't be in. He said she did it and that's it. Howard said he was also talking about Bill Maher and he should stay away from that N-word. Kevin said that you know it's going to be negative. He said he knows Bill isn't a racist. He said he should stay away from that kind of thing. Kevin said Kathy did this thing and she had to deal with the consequences. Howard said he's not sure who is racist and who isn't. Kevin said he doesn't think Bill Maher is. He said he's seen him do too much good. He said he can say that it was dumb though. Kevin said he thinks Kathy went for the jugular and the joke.
Howard said Kevin talks about his mom and dad in this new book ''I Can't Make This Up: Life Lessons.'' He said when you come from craziness it's very hard to have a normal life. Howard said Kevin wrote about how his dad met his mom and he said his balls were crushed in some kind of accident so he can't have kids. Kevin said he told her a lie about how he can't have kids so he doesn't have to wear a condom. Kevin said that he said he took a shot to his balls at work so it's not active. He said she got knocked up and it was the worst time for her. He said his dad had a rough life too. Kevin said he thinks his dad has about 11 kids but his dad isn't even sure. He said he named all the boys Robert. He said they think that they all have the same name. Howard asked why he'd do that. Kevin said that he may have done it so it sounds like just one kid.
Howard said that his dad is still alive. Howard said he has to keep that in mind. Howard said that his mom had to raise him alone. Kevin said that his mom was one of the strongest women to walk the planet. He said that she took her mistakes that she learned from raising her older brother and used that for raising him. He said his brother sold drugs and got into theft. He said she was snatching purses and robbing. He went into the army and he wasn't the best soldier. He said he didn't come back with any medals. Howard asked if he's close to his brother. Kevin said he is. He said he's doing well now.
Howard said Kevin is very successful and the story of his life is crazy. He said his dad would come home blood soaked in a towel and he didn't know what happened. He said he'd ask his dad what went on and he'd say that someone was jealous of his abilities so he got hit with an axe. Kevin said you believe anything your dad tells you. He said that your dad tells you he can jump from a building with one leg and you believe it.
Howard asked if his dad still tells women that his balls were crushed. Kevin said he stopped doing that. Howard said in his book he has his father explain where he disappeared to for four years. Kevin said he went to jail for rape but he says that was a bullshit charge. He said that he just happened to be near this woman who was passed out and the cops found him near that woman. He said that she just happened to be taking a nap near where he was trying to find a dice game.
Howard asked Kevin if he knew that was bullshit. Kevin said that you do figure it out and things just don't sit right with you. He said his dad has a tough time finding work. Howard said he got back together with his mom and that didn't go well. Kevin said it got violent and his mother almost hit him with a hammer. He said his father got out after that.
Howard said it must be tough when your father isn't around. Kevin said it was confusing. He said that he didn't know why he wasn't around. Kevin said his father would tell the to go ahead with whatever they wanted to do. He said his dad let him drive a boat and he crashed it. He was a kid at the time. Kevin said his dad borrowed the boat from a friend. He said his friend rented the boat so no one had any ownership. He said they were going fishing and they came back and he asked to drive it. He said his dad said ''Go ahead!'' He said that he was 9 years old so he did it. He said his dad told him to slow up but he didn't. He said his dad let him run into this rock bay. He said he tore the boat up. He said his dad wanted to figure it out but he never saw that friend again after that. Howard said his dad said he'd call him later and figure it out.
Howard said Kevin's mom signed him up for camp and asked his dad to teak him there. Kevin said his dad brought him to the wrong camp and left him there. Howard asked if he thinks he was jealous and he sabotaged his experience. Kevin said he just had a non chalont attitude. He said he didn't take responsibility. Kevin said his dad had him directing him where to go. He said he didn't know where he was going. He said he just got him to a church camp and he wasn't supposed to be there. He said it took them a while to realize he wasn't supposed to be there. He said then they asked him who his parents were. He said he gave them his mom's number and he told her what happened and that's when all hell broke loose.
Howard said he had a story about a dog his dad brought home for him and it turned out to be a stolen dog. Kevin said the dog was grown and they should have known something was going on. He said it was stolen from someone 2 blocks away. He said the woman came to get the dog and his dad said that wasn't her dog. Then the woman called the dog's name and it ran over to her.
Howard asked if Kevin knew what was going on. Kevin said that his dad once got mad that he and his brother beat him in basketball and he sicked a dog on them. Kevin said he has no resentment toward his dad. Howard asked if he's in therapy. Kevin said he doesn't need it for that. He said his dad is his dad. He said his dad will come to shows and he'll do something stupid but he's fine with that. He said he'll just say that's his dad. He said he's trying to be a better person now and trying to be a good grandparent.
Howard said if he was that bad a dad he'd never get over it. He said he'd be talking about it every day on the radio. Howard asked if his dad has ever apologized to him for any of this. Kevin said no and that's the beauty of it. He said his actions say that he knows how bad he screwed up. He said he's trying.
Howard asked if Kevin is a great basketball player. Kevin said he's not great but he's good. Howard said his plan was to be a pro player. Kevin said that was the plan. He said he stopped growing and it was a bummer. He said his dad is only 5'6'' and his mom was like 5'3'' tall. He said that he shot up in 4th grade but then he stopped growing. He said that his mom tried to warn him that it was going to stop. He said his daughter is like that. He said he tells her she's going to stop.
Howard asked if he was bullied at all. Kevin said he wasn't really. He said comedy helped him get out of any problems. He said there were fights around him and he'd try to deflect.
Howard asked Kevin about going to try out for basketball and he had to set the clocks back in the house by 2 hours so it looked like it was 6am. Kevin said his mother went to work 2 hours early. He said he was in class and his mother came in and beat him in front of everybody. Howard said that's emasculating. Kevin said these days you can't do that. He said you'd be on a camera phone looking like a crazy person. Kevin said she had a belt in her bag when she showed up. He said they let it go on for a little bit and then they stopped her. He said that she took him home and gave him some more pops on the way home. He said he made the team though. He said she didn't let him play for the first half of the season though. He said that chance was worth it.
Kevin said this book is very important to him. He said it's information. Howard said he has no animosity toward his father. Howard said his brother wanted to open his own barber shop and he bought equipment and his father stole it. Kevin said his dad was a handyman and his brother was making an attempt to get clean. He said he let his dad come in and do the electrical. He said that they were doing it for a while and then everything was missing from the shop. His dad had stolen it all. Howard said that's got to be tough to get past. Kevin said he doesn't have the time to have hate. He can't hold on to a grudge because it takes too much energy.
Howard said Kevin's house was robbed when he was a kid. They had a bunch of stuff stolen but the their had cooked grits on the stove. Kevin said that was his dad's favorite meal and he went right to he drawer where they kept the valuables. Kevin said he has a lot going on right now but he's going to fly back for an hour to see his daughter graduate 6th grade. Howard asked when they started having graduation for 6th grade. Kevin said he doesn't know but this one is going to be an expensive one.
Howard asked if Kevin has a big dick after he brought up something his dad said about that. Kevin said he does. Howard said Kevin described having sex for the first time and how he wasn't sure it even went in the first time. Kevin said it was cold out and they weren't sure what had gone on. He said he was on top of this girl and they were rubbing for like 4 minutes. He said he has no idea what he actually fucked. He said a couple of weeks later he did it again and he found out that it felt different so he's sure he didn't do it right the first time.
Howard said Kevin got into stand up and his mom didn't come to see his act. She did support him for a year though. Kevin said she was very religious and she didn't want to be around drinking or smoking or anything like that. He said that she was very supportive of what he was doing. He said that she gave him her blessing to do it if he figured it out in a year. Howard said that's great. He said she had a good job with the University of Pennsylvania. Kevin said he could have gone there for free but he went to community college for 2 weeks instead. He said that he didn't last long there. Kevin said that he took the SAT scores and he got like a 580. He said that he just filled out the answers as ABCDABCD. He said a friend told him that would work.
Howard said he wishes he had a big dick like Kevin got. Howard said he can't tell that story. Howard asked if his brothers have big dicks too. Kevin said he's not sure. He doesn't know them. He said he knows one set of kids that are his dad's kids. He doesn't know anyone else. He said he has no desire to know them. He said it won't affect him at all. Howard said that if he had a big penis he would embrace that. Howard said he's just thinking about how great it would be to show it to them. Kevin said maybe it's not that big. He said maybe it's average on another man.
Howard said that Kevin was working in a shoe store. Kevin said he was having fun working there. He said they'd play games and he was just fun and funny. Howard asked if his first time on stage was a success. Kevin said it was because he didn't freeze up. He said that he was going through with what he wanted to do.
Howard asked who the guys were that he was coming up with. Kevin said in New York in the beginning time was people like Chris Rock, George Wallace, Seinfeld, Ray Romano, Colin Quinn, Bill Burr, Jim Norton and guys like that. He said he was so green he'd just hang out watching them talk. He said he'd just be a sponge. He said they were way ahead of him. Howard said some people would just say it's too hard. Kevin said some would. He said you have to stay true to your goals. Kevin said that Keith Robinson was his guy. He said he gave him information and he was the guy who said that his material was stupid and asked if he wanted to be a comedian that's for one group or appeal to everyone. He said Keith opened the flood gates to what material he should do. He said in New York you have some of everything there. He said that's how you get big and be universal. Kevin said Keith showed him how to put work into the craft.
Howard said it seems like Colin Quinn was a good guy too. Kevin said he was a great guy. He said he made him feel like a friend. He said that he introduced him to a lot of people like Seinfeld and guys like that. Howard asked if Colin has ever seen his penis. Kevin said no man has seen it.
Howard asked Kevin if he will give advice to other comics if they ask. Kevin said sure. He said he can have a conversation like that. Howard asked if he has any people who were shitty to him in the past that he blows off. Kevin said he doesn't hold any grudges so he doesn't do that.
Howard said that Kevin produces his own comedy specials with his own money. Kevin said he'd rather learn from his mistakes by doing that. He said it's worked and now he has studios that he partners with. He said he has his own office and he has a staff of about 25 now. He said they have a production company called Heartbeat Productions. He said they have Heartbeat Digital too where they create content for other companies.
Howard asked what movie he has coming out next. Kevin said they have Captain Underpants out now but they have Jumanji coming out at Christmas. He said they have another movie come out in March with Bryan Cranston. He said Bryan is the best actor he's ever worked with. Kevin said that's going to be a drama and that's a first for him.
Robin said Kevin's name was in that Sony hack. They were calling him names and saying that he was hard to deal with. Kevin said that was all business. He said he doesn't hold grudges with them at all. He said that it's a business and he's okay with that.
Howard asked if he's buying anything great. Kevin said he's getting some things. He said he's doing okay. He said his house is a loving home. He said that's what he'd call it.
Howard asked what he buys himself as a guilty pleasure. Kevin said he loves old school cars. He likes finding them and building them. Kevin said he will have it done and find the parts himself. He said he drives the cars too. He said they will become pieces for his kids. Kevin said that's his hobby and he thinks his kids will appreciate that. Kevin said that he is dad to his kids and he loves that. He said he has another baby on the way. Howard asked if he's going to stop after that. Kevin said he has no control over that. He said a happy wife is a happy life.
Howard asked if Kevin has more cars than Jerry Seinfeld or Jay Leno. Kevin said no way. He said you can't compete with them. Kevin said he has seen some of their cars. He said they're both friends of his. Howard asked what the greatest car is that he owns. Kevin said he has a '67 fastback Mustang. He said it's an Eleanor replica. He said his son isn't into cars at all and he doesn't care about that stuff.
Howard said Kevin has done it again. He said he has this book out called ''I Can't Make This Up: Life Lessons'' and it's heavy. Howard said he suspects he's going to have to sit down with his son and tell him that they're blessed with big penises.
Howard gave Kevin some plugs and wrapped up the interview. Howard said he'd suggest getting the book. Robin asked if he has an audio book. Kevin said he does. He said it took about 6 days to record it. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said this is a good song. He asked Fred not to ruin it with Gary's trumpet playing .Howard said he was listening to Stone Temple Pilots over the weekend thinking about how he can't believe Scott Weiland is dead. He said he was such a talent. He said he was a sweet guy too. He said he was just lost with that addiction. He couldn't shake it. Howard said Scott would walk up to the cops and tell them that he had heroin on him. Howard said he started listening to Allman brothers stuff after hearing Gregg Allman had passed away. Howard said he wasn't the biggest fan of theirs. He said he went to a Blood Sweat and Tears concert once and the Allman Brothers opened for them and got booed off the stage.
Howard said he wants to say that Gregg Allman died last week from complications of liver cancer. Howard said he was 69 years old. He said he was 69 in human years but much older in addict years. Robin said he had worn that body out a few times. Howard said he remembers seeing that band when they first came out. He said they introduced the Southern Rock style that was a mix of a bunch of things and no one knew what to make of it.
Howard played a little ''Midnight Rider'' and said this is great. He let that play for a short time. Howard said they were one of the first bands to have two lead guitar players. Fred said there may have been others but they made it famous.
Howard said when their album Live at Fillmore East came out it was 1971. Howard said they had so much tragedy in the band. He said Gregg's brother was killed in a motorcycle accident when that album came out. Howard said there's a whole saga there. Howard said in the song ''One Way Out'' Gregg sings and it shows how good he was. Howard played some of that.
Howard said that gives him the chills. He said that's the song he played first and it was a big mistake. He said he realized just how good the guy was. Howard played some ''Statesboro Blues'' and some ''Whipping Post'' too.
Howard said that they were great. He said that Gregg played ''Sweet Melissa'' at his brother's funeral. He said that must have been heart breaking. Howard played some of that song too. Howard said he used to try to play that on guitar in college but he sucked. Howard said they had Gregg Allman in there and he did talk about writing that song. He played some audio of Gregg talking about writing ''Sweet Melissa.''
Robin said she was reading about the funeral and he was eulogized by his kids. Robin said Elijah Blue wasn't one of them. Robin said his other 3 kids were there eulogizing him. Robin said Cher was there though.
Howard said he remembers when Gregg told him a story about selling his rights to one of his songs and he had to sue to get them back. Howard played a clip from that interview.
Howard said Gregg had a great solo career too. He played some of his song 'I'm no Angel.'' He said he was a remarkable guy. He said his father was murdered by a hitchhiker. He said he talked about that in an interview. Howard played some audio of that too. Gregg talked about the guitar being his escape to stop thinking about his dad.
Howard said Gregg had a tough life. He battled substance abuse and he was in rehab 14 times and was married 7 times. Howard said he talked about being married to Cher. Howard said they dissolved their marriage after 9 days but then they stayed together for 4 years after that. Howard said he put out an album with Char but that didn't do well.
Howard had a clip of Elijah Blue talking about this dad and some of the crazy things he did. Howard had some audio of Chaz Bono talking about Gregg and how they got lost driving home from school and how they didn't get home until about 11pm. They stopped at a bar on the way home.
Howard said Gregg was a legend and the Allman Brothers did a bunch of shows at the Beacon there in New York. Howard said their last one was in 2014. Howard said they sold out over 200 straight shows there. Howard said Chris Robinson was on the show a few weeks ago and he told a story about meeting Gregg too. Howard played that clip of Chris telling the story.
Howard said that was a great story. He said rest in peace Gregg Allman. Howard played ''Ain't Wasting Time No More'' and said he got sad listening over vacation. He said he was bumming himself out. Robin said she'll never forget that album ''Eat a Peach.''
Howard said they have some show related song parodies that are to the tune of Allman Brothers songs. He played a couple of those.
Howard said at restaurants they have codes for things and that might be what it is. Gary said he went to a muffler place and they have all kinds of racist codes they use. Howard said maybe the Jews are ''Level 6.''
Howard said he was talking to Robin the other day about how he was watching Heart doing the tribute to Led Zeppelin and he was going into a story about Heart doing a version of ''Stairway to Heaven.'' He said it was very moving. He said halfway through the song they had a lift coming out of the stage and a whole black choir came out. Howard said that's what they have to do. He said it was so emotional that Robert Plant was crying. Howard said this is what he was talking about with Robin and that led to the guys in the back calling a radio show with that discussion.
Howard played the phony phone call and the guys called this show and asked for some advice. They said they needed some advice for bringing home a black woman with a date. They put Howard clips on the line and they had Howard talking about the black choir rising up from the stage floor. The host asked him not to do this as Howard was going on and on about this set up he wanted. Howard played a ''Wack Pack Roast of Howard Stern'' bit after that.
Howard said Gary, Brent, Ronnie, JD, Memet and Scott were all at that Mets game. Howard said Scott drove Memet there and he smoked his vape the entire way. Howard said Memet taped Scott vaping. Howard played a clip of Scott doing his thing in the car. It was a constant crackling sound. Howard said Scott is always figuring out new ways to kill himself. He said they call his car the Misery Mobile. Howard said that vaping sounds unhealthier than a real cigarette. Robin said it's supposed to help you cut down but it sounds like if he was smoking cigarettes he'd never stop.
Howard said you can see video of Scott vaping and they call him Darth Salem. Howard said they have pictures up of Scott at the game. He said they have Scott wearing 2 Met hats at the game too. Howard asked why he did that. He said it's a weird look.
Howard asked Jason why Scott was wearing them. Jason said he can't say no to anything free. He said Scott took the hats and put them on. He said that Gary wasn't with them and he took his too. He said there were a lot of sailors there because it was Fleet Week. He said he gave Gary's away but not his own. He said it was very nice but it was weird too. Jason said it was really weird because Scott was giving it to the guy and talking about what a pussy he was for not serving himself.
Gary said he got there in the middle of the game and found out that he had given away his cap. He said he didn't know that was his that Scott had given away.
Jason said he has never seen Scott that happy before. He said he was all smiles at the game. Howard said he is smiling in the pictures. Scott said it wasn't raining or anything but they did lose. Howard asked Scott if he's smoking at all now. Scott said no. He just vapes.
Scott said Gary bought him a beer at the bar there. Howard asked why he did that. Gary said he was trying to be nice to him. He said he looked very happy to be there. He said it was unusual. Howard said he usually looks miserable. Scott said that's because he is. Howard played his song parody about being unhappy.
Jason said they were keeping an eye on Scott because they say that some people who commit suicide have a calm happiness before they kill themselves.
Howard said he heard Scott was upset with Jason for not giving him his ticket immediately after paying for his ticket. Jason said it's annoying. He said it's like he's an asshole for asking to be paid. He said the day before that Scott got upset with him and then they got off the air and he was making a big deal out of it. He said they ended up having a great time at the game though. He said it's all water under the bridge.
Scott said he did pay Jason and it was annoying to him because he said pay by the last day and he did that. Jason said he's not a Mets fan but that was a great experience at that stadium. He said they had all you can drink beer and free food. He said they got free burger and fries and free beer. He said it was a great experience.
Howard said he hear Scott got upset about the face value of the ticket. Gary said he was making a joke about how he paid so much for a free beer. Scott said he only had one beer. Jason said it's like $9 for a beer in the city so it's still a good deal.
Howard said he heard that Gary was practicing to do a Stump the Booey one final time because his memory isn't so good. He said that he's announcing that it's his final Stump the Booey. Howard played a promo for the final Stump the Booey.
Howard said no one even cares if he lost or won. Gary said he lost the last 2 Stump the Booey games. Howard said Gary likes being a star. Jason said he looks good at it when he wins. Jason said he heard Gary has been practicing. Howard said he heard he kept changing the radio station trying to guess songs. Jason said the rest of the guys in the car weren't playing, it was just Gary playing against himself.
Howard said he heard Gary sat in another area. Jason said he double booked from what he heard. He said he sat with the group that included Ross Zapin and others. Gary said he hung out with them for an inning and a half. He said the other guys were friends that he grew up with. He said he didn't blow them off for better seats.
Howard said Gary jumped in on the Jumbotron when some sailors were on camera. Howard said he saw the clip. Howard said Gary photo bombed those guys. Howard asked what he was thinking. Gary said he saw his arm on camera so he jumped in. Howard said he's like a joke. Gary said that's true. Howard said they're war heroes and he's jumping in on that. Howard had some audio from the game where the announcers were talking about Gary.
Howard said it's the sailors one moment and Gary jumps in. Howard said he was mortified. Jason said that's someone who has done nothing for this country. Howard asked if they can believe this guy. Jason said that camera is like a magnet. He said Gary saw his hand on camera and he had to run over.
Howard said he would have just let those guys have their time on camera. Howard said Gary is addicted to the spotlight. Howard said Gary went to some concert in California and they have tape where Gary was part of a cooking show and started rapping with some band called Fits and the Tantrums. Howard said they're going to post this clip on HowardStern.com. Howard said he was watching this at home wondering about what Gary is doing. Howard said it's like Trump pushing the NATO leaders out of the way. Jason said that no one asked him to join in, he's already on stage and he just jumps right in. Howard told Robin to go check out the clip.
Howard asked Jason if Gary is mad at him for reporting on him at the Mets game. Jason said he does seem to be in a bad mood this morning. Howard said he doesn't understand jumping in on the sailors. Jason said he doesn't either. He said Gary just jumped right in. Howard asked what he was thinking. Gary said he's not sure what to say.
Howard said Gary should apologize to the troops. Gary asked if he should do it without makeup like Kathy Griffin. Howard said Kathy should listen to the Sal apology.
Howard played another song parody that Scott did called ''Unhappy Days are Here Again.'' Howard said Gary really shouldn't have jumped in the way he did. He said he should apologize. Jason said even the announcer seemed thrown off by the whole thing.
Howard said Gary's final Stump the Booey is coming up this week. He played another promo for that. Howard said he thought maybe he was maturing and tiring of the spotlight but apparently not.
Howard said it was good seeing Scott again. He said people really were happy to hear him again. Scott said people love him. Howard said he's still hearing the phlegm and the heavy breathing thing from Scott. Scott said that's never going away. He said that's his COPD. Howard played a clip of Scott vaping again. He said he really sucks that thing in. Scott said he's going to wean himself off of that too. He said he's trying to cut back on the amount of nicotine that he's using. He said he'll probably stop right before he dies. Howard said he's going to give that up and they'll find him sucking on a car muffler. Howard said he should use a pacifier or something.
Jason said Sal is using the vape pen all the time too. Howard said they're destroying their lives. Jason said he can't say that since he's destroying his body with food. Howard asked if Scott has to leave the building to use the vape pen. Scott said he does and there is some rule about it there. Jason said there is a skull and crossbones on the vape juice.
Howard said that Sal was doing that once and it smelled like a fog machine. He said that stuff can't be good for you. that led to Howard and Fred doing their impressions of Scott and talking about his favorite flavors of vape juice.
Howard said he heard there's a condition called Popcorn lung. Scott didn't know that. Howard asked what that is. Howard said he should just stop. Scott said he knows. Howard said Scott doesn't care if he lives or dies. Scott said he does care. Howard said some people are like that. He said his mom is like that. He said she says she has to live for his father. Howard said he doesn't really talk to his dad so he's not sure if he feels the same way.
Robin read about the popcorn lung thing and how you can get it from using fruit flavored vape juices. Robin said that they say that tiny air sacks can become scarred. She said that they had that from popcorn flavoring at processing plants.
Gary said they have different nicotine levels in the vaping stuff. Scott said he went from 1.8 mg to 1.1. Howard asked what Sal is at. Scott didn't know. Howard said they should call Scott ''Popcorn Lung'' from now on. Fred played some Aqualung guitar riffs and Howard sang as Scott ''Popcorn Lung.'' Howard had to cut Fred off from doing that. He said he could do that all day long. He started right back up a few seconds later. He was singing and making the sounds that Scott makes. He'd stop but then start right up again. Howard said he bets they could do this for a full hour.
Howard asked Scott can go a full hour without a vape. Scott said he's gone 3-4 hours without vaping. Howard and the guys were still doing their one liners with the Aqualung riff. Everyone was joining in. Howard said they have to stop. They went to break after that.
Howard read some email about a bit they did about Ronnie's Ass Chreeks cereal. Howard replayed the bit.
Robin started her news with a story about the decline of Tiger Woods. Robin said he was arrested last week when he failed a sobriety test. Howard said he still looks better than him in that mug shot. Robin said he was on medication. Howard said he suffers from back pain. He said he had that too but he read the Dr. Sarno book and it helped. Howard said Dr. Sarno told him he wishes that Tiger would talk to him about that. Howard said he's probably in real pain but he shouldn't be behind the wheel. Robin said just because your back is in pain doesn't mean you have to leave home looking like that. Howard said he has some audio of Tiger's police pull over. Howard said this is the actual tape. In the clip the officer asked Tiger where he was coming from and where he was going. He didn't know where he was going. He said he just likes to drive. The officer asked if he's had any head injuries in the past couple of days. Howard said you know something is wrong if you're asked that question. Howard said that's so great. Robin said it's very sad though. Howard played another clip of Tiger saying the alphabet but he sings it when he was asked not to. Howard said he doesn't think he could do that sober. Howard played the clip of Tiger reciting the alphabet in a very slow singing way. The cop told him to put his hands behind his back after that. Fred played some Riley Martin slurring his words clips after that.
Howard played a clip of Tiger singing the alphabet that the guys put music to. Howard said he wishes he was a cop. He said it must be so great. Howard said if he were a cop he'd ask the guy to do a somersault and other tricks. Then he'd arrest them anyway.
Robin said it's so sad that Tiger has lost his super power. Howard said he was reading an article about Tiger and they said he just got old. Howard said he has back pain and all of that. He said now he's just sitting around.
Howard took a call from Chad in St. Louis who said he was reading on the internet about how he might be a homo and he's wondering if that's true. Howard said if it is he's trying to keep it on the down low. Chad said they talk about how Howard watches the Bachelor and talks a lot about cock and all of that. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he did fuck Fred in the ass before they got on the air. Howard said he doesn't read anything on the internet. He said it makes him fucking crazy. He said he did have sex with his wife last night. He said he doesn't care if people think he's gay or not.
Robin said that the Israeli day parade was over the weekend. Robin said Tiki Barber was the grand Marshall of the parade. She said she has to figure out what the connection is there. Robin said it turns out in 2005 he met Shimon Peres and he was invited to Israel and he's been friendly to Israel ever since.
Howard said he painted a picture of his cat Walter and it's really small. He said Beth wanted to post it on the internet but he doesn't want to be critiqued so he asked her not to do that. He said he doesn't like that.
Robin had some audio of Ann Wilson singing ''Black Hole Sun'' to honor Chris Cornell. Howard said that he likes that the guitar is so fucked up that it doesn't sound quite right. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read a story about Alan Thicke's family fighting over what's left in his estate. Howard said that's so sad. Robin said they had a pre-nuptial agreement and a living trust. Robin asked what a pre-nup has to do with after you die. Howard said that's right. He said your will spells it all out. Robin said the living trust shows that he wants to split it between the family. Howard said this is what people do. He said he met Alan Thicke and he was a nice guy but you can't say you want your three sons to have the house and then have the wife live there. Howard said he's not sure how to untangle that mess. He said you have to make it fair ahead of time. Robin said that it keeps the thing going longer.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she wanted to ask if he saw Megyn Kelly last night. Howard said he didn't. Howard said he didn't watch it because he doesn't like interpreters. Mariann said it was like a Japanese movie. Howard said he knows how to speak English. He said he's a wise ass. Howard said he wants to show his people that he only speaks in Russian. He said it's a fuck you to the rest of us. Howard said he read that Megyn asked some good questions. Howard said Putin is a lying scumbag and he's against free press and free speech. Howard asked what Megyn wore. Mariann said she was covered up to the neck. Howard said Roger Ailes would never have allowed that. Mariann also said that Kathy Griffin can dish it out but she can't take it. Howard hung up on her a short time later. He said he can't take it. Howard said he was hoping that Megyn and Putin would be topless together.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said he really should share his art with people because it's really good. Howard said he doesn't want to do that. Ralph said it's a really interesting part of him and he should share it. Howard said Ralph is a big critic and he does say it's nice. Ralph said it's really good. He said he loves the set up he has in his office too. Howard said it's a table where he paints. Ralph said he has slots and lights and places to put stuff. Howard said he has a magnifying thing to look through too. Howard said his next painting will be of a nude Ralph. Ralph said that HBO is being unfair to Bill Maher. Howard said they condemned the comment. He said Bill went for a joke that didn't work. He said he hopes they don't fire him. Ralph said that he will cancel his subscription if they fire him. Howard said Bill is a comedian and he's trying to entertain. He said it was in poor taste and all of that. He said he doesn't know if he's a racist or not. He went over what he did earlier in the show. Howard and Ralph spent a little more time on that. Howard had some audio of Al Sharpton commenting on the Bill Maher thing too. Howard said he's not sure what Al's deal is but it seems a little insane.
Robin read a story about Ariana Grande returning to Manchester, England to hold a charity show. Robin had some audio from the concert.
Robin read a story about Megyn Kelly's new NBC show and how she did her first big interview with Vladimir Putin. Robin had some audio from the show for Howard to play. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about the attacks in London and what President Trump said about that and about the travel ban that he's calling for.
Robin rad a story about Gregg Allman being laid to rest over the weekend. Robin read some details about the funeral.
Robin read a story about a warning in the New York tri-state area about ticks. Robin said that there's an explosion in ticks because of the mild winter and they may be carrying a disease worse than Lyme. Robin had some audio of Chuck Schumer talking about a law they passed last year that could help stop these ticks but the federal government isn't doing anything to get it going. Howard said he went for a walk with Beth and she wanted him to walk in the grass with shorts on. He said he ended up checking his whole body for ticks and Beth laughed at him. Howard said he once had a tick on his balls.
Robin said the Cosby trial is starting this week. Robin had some details about that but Howard was still on the tick thing.
Robin read a story about these fidget spinners that kids are playing with. Howard said he's heard about them but doesn't want to know about them. Robin said that some people say they allow kids with Autism to focus. Robin said an expert says there is no evidence to back that up. Howard said when he was a kid there was always something that people brought to school. Howard said for him it was a Rat Fink ring. He said it had a Rat Fink on it and he would wear it and that was fun. He said sometimes the teacher would take it away as punishment. He said he stopped bringing it to school. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about the fidget spinners. Howard said Gary requested buying a bunch for the staff. Gary said he was joking around and he wasn't going to buy them. Jason said he took the order very seriously. Howard said he knew he was right. He said this is the guy who had to photo bomb the military. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how his opening theme should have been a big hit. Howard said his singing and Rob's singing isn't too bad. He said he went all the way to L.A. to record and they barely put his voice on it.
Howard said they have a big show today. He had Scott the Engineer announcing who they have coming in. Scott mentioned they have The Chainsmokers coming in. Scott didn't have much energy with that announce. Howard said people do love Scott in the email. Robin said it hasn't been that way his whole life.
Howard said The Chainsmokers have a lot of hits right now. He said it's an extraordinary amount. Gary said it's the first band to have 3 songs in the top 10 at once. The others are the Beatles and the Bee Gees. Howard said they do a show there at Sirius and they don't even understand it. He said they're not even trying that hard. Robin said it's always good when it works that way.
Howard said The Chainsmokers were doing EDM music and then they cut a demo and some guy heard it and told them they should release it. Howard said now they have more top 10 hits than the Beatles or something. Robin asked about the name of the band and if that's the original name. Howard said they have to talk to them when they come in. He said there's something going on with Hugh Grant. Jon Hein said they won't give out the real reason but they say it has something to do with Hugh Grant.
Howard said he and JD dance to one of their songs. He played their song ''#Selfie'' and said he and JD danced to it. Howard said they don't do stuff like that anymore. Howard said they did a song with a chick named Halsey. Howard said they'll hear their whole story later. He said they're coming in to hang.
Howard said they also have something else coming up today. Gary is going to be doing his final Stump the Booey. Howard played a promo for that. Howard said this is the last time Gary is going to do it. He said he's losing his memory for songs. Howard said Gary is like a gunslinger with that knowledge but it's all going away.
Howard said his friend Pat thinks he could beat Gary in the game. He said everyone thinks they can. Gary said everyone who says that doesn't actually know the music that well. Howard said pulling it out on the air isn't that easy. He said Gary is the Lebron James of knowing dumb shit. He said he will defend that title today. Robin said she hopes he doesn't go out a loser today.
Howard said he wants Gary to be that guy who cures cancer instead of this. He said Gary has no interest in that.
Howard said as he was walking in he heard Gary clearing his throat. He said he can't do it in the studio so he has to do it out in the office. Howard said he might ban him from that in the office. He said the guys tell him that Gary spends about 20 minutes out there clearing his throat. Howard said he doesn't have to hear it but the rest of the staff in the office do. Howard played a song parody about Gary clearing his throat.
Howard said the love for Scott Salem was in the email yesterday. He read some of those emails about yesterday's show. A bunch of people liked the popcorn lung stuff they were doing yesterday. That got Howard doing his impression of Scott again for a short time. He had a new song parody with Scott singing ''Popcorn Lung'' to the tune of ''Black Hole Sun.''
Howard said Chris Cornell was happier than Scott and you saw what happened to him. Robin said Scott is too depressed to kill himself. Howard played another song parody with Scott singing ''If You're Unhappy and You Know It just Smoke a Cigarette.'' Howard said he has a new album coming out called ''Songs to Hang Yourself To.''
Howard said they have the last Stump the Booey coming up today. He played a song parody about the game.
Howard said he has been in photo sessions where they ask him to do some really dumb stuff. He said they have nice pictures of most people but they think he's willing to do wild shit so they ask him to get dressed as a devil or get in a straight jacket. Howard said he figured that was the way to go but he learned to say no as time went on. Howard said they'd ask him to juggle baby heads or tuck his cock between his legs or something. He said he was doing a shoot for Rolling Stone and they asked him to put a thorny crown on his head like Jesus. Howard said he had the long hair and looked like a big nosed Jesus. Howard said they wouldn't even publish that. Howard said he's not going to sit there and listen to these photographers. Howard said they'd ask him to burn the Koran or something. It's always something offensive.
Howard said they spend 7 hours making him look handsome but then they ask him to slap some kid with cancer and he ends up apologizing for the rest of his life. Howard said he's not taking away the responsibility of Kathy. He said it was in poor taste. Howard said Norm was wondering if she was supposed to be in ISIS and taking Trump's head or something. Howard said she just did it. Robin said there is footage of them talking about it. Robin said they were goofing around about it being the end of their careers. Robin said she's not sure who the photographer is but she knows who Kathy is. Robin said Jim Carrey said he didn't know what it was either. He didn't know if it was a joke or not.
Howard said he was in a photo shoot where they asked him to give a woman a Cleveland steamer. He said you have to be strong with the photographers. He said they get the pictures afterward. He said he'll get in a meeting with the photo editor and he'll say his face is interesting enough. He said he's got enough going on with his face that they don't need to do this other shit.
Howard said Ralph probably has a good memory of this. He said he'd put Ralph on the phone with the photographers and he'd bring the ideas to him. He said he'd ask what they mean because they're bizarre concepts. Howard said he'd call up the photo editor and ask for just a nice picture of him. He said he wants to look like a movie star. He said these fuckers will get you in trouble.
Howard said Kathy has to calm down. He said she apologized and did the no makeup thing. He said that's enough. He said he gets why Trump and his family would be upset. Howard said Kathy fucked up and apologized. Howard said he's not sure where they go from here. He said that her fans will probably stick with her. He said the picture was in poor taste. He said these photographers will just get you into so much trouble. Howard said he learned to pass on a lot of this stuff. He said after the devil costume he was done with the crazy stuff.
Howard brought up Bill Maher too and talked about how he fucked up using the N-word. Howard said you just don't do that. Howard said he has to know better than that.
Howard said that HBO is sticking with Bill so that's good news. Howard said he saw that Al Sharpton wanted to get involved. Robin said he's looking to get involved with HBO, not with Bill. Howard said maybe Bill can get on the air and blow Al Sharpton. Howard played a parody of Bill Maher doing an apology for his comments.
Howard said Bill should come out in corn rows. Robin said he doesn't need that. Howard said he watches Bill's show every week and he enjoys it. He said he's an important player over there. He said you have to cut him some slack. Robin said the people at FOX are screaming about it. Howard said they have to do something at FOX. He said they're not the opposition voice anymore. Howard said he thinks Bill is going to fly to Africa and join a tribe. He said they're going to boil someone in a pot like they do in the cartoons. Robin said he has to eat his first human. Howard said Bill is putting rings on his neck as they speak. Robin said he has stretched out neck and ears. Howard said he's putting plates in his lip right now. Howard said Bill rides a giraffe to work now.
Howard said he should take a break so he can get to Stump the Booey. Howard asked Gary who he's playing. Gary said it's some guy that Jason found. Howard said that's who it always is. Gary said they get letters and they have to take a quiz.
Jason said this guy runs Vevo and he's a music curator there. Gary said he didn't know he did that. Howard said way to go selling the segment Gary. He said Gary says it's just some guy. Gary didn't know he did music curation. Howard did his impression of Gary saying that the guy was a crustacean.
Howard read some more email about Bill Maher and Kathy Griffin. Howard spent a little more time going over that.
Howard said the audience liked Kevin Hart on the show yesterday too. Howard read a few of those emails. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said it's time for Stump the Booey. Howard said this is the final episode for Gary. He said Gary is retiring after this. Howard said Gary claims his memory is fading and he can't compete at a high level. Howard said this is like a great ball player retiring his cleats.
Gary said that he said hi to his competitor and he's 45. He said he could remember a lot of stuff at 45. Howard said they want to see Gary go out on a high note. Howard said Gary is getting super long in the tooth. He said they do say that they grow as you get older.
Howard said they have been playing Stump the Booey for 15 years. He said his first game was in November 16, 2002. He said Gary has lost before. He has gotten 151 total correct answers over the years. Howard said it's not easy to do when you're under pressure.
Howard said the first song they ever did was this song. He played a clip to see if Gary could get it. Gary said it was Mexican Radio by wall of Voo Doo. Howard said Gary still has it. His opponent knew it was from 1983.
Howard played another song for Gary because he got this one wrong back then. Gary said he thinks it's Ico, Ico by the Bell Stars. Gary was right. His competitor knew it too.
Howard said that Gary won that game and he lost for the first time in the 8th game in 2003. Howard said that was a sad day in Stern Show history. Howard played a song that he lost the game to in 2003. Howard said he thinks his competitor has it. That guy knew it was Howard Jones ''No One is to Blame.'' Howard said Gary is going out a loser.
Howard said when Gary lost he lost to a guy named Andy and he had a lame excuse of being sick that day. Howard played a clip of Gary giving that excuse on the show that day.
Howard said Gary's opponent is named Justin Prager. Howard said he's in his mid-40s. He said that Justin is married with no kids. He said he has no distractions. Howard said Justin is a curator at Vevo. Justin said it's sort of like what MTV was back in the 80s. He said that it's all about playlists and stuff so he has to know his stuff. He said he knows the old stuff and the new stuff. He said he's also a collector of Vinyl like Gary. Justin said he has 50 boxes of vinyl in storage.
Howard said he's not sure what Gary does for a living. Gary said he curates the insults Howard throws at him. He said the first one was on October 3, 1984. Howard said that's when he brought up his teeth.
Howard asked if Justin has been listening to the show a long time. Justin said he started in the 90s when he was in L.A. He said he's familiar with Gary. Howard said Gary is nervous about this guy. He said he's constantly clearing his throat. Fred played clips of Gary clearing his throat.
Howard said Justin says he's good with 80s music. He said that's Gary's strongest time period too. Howard asked if Justin did any prep. Justin said he didn't. Gary said he did because he had to do some honing.
Howard said Justin is also a drummer. Justin said he's not as good as Richard Christy but he is a drummer.
Howard said they have a $5,000 prize for Justin if he wins. Howard said that's from his friends at Tommy John. Howard gave them a plug.
Howard said he's going to play 5 songs and they should have a winner. Howard said that they have tie breakers if they don't have a winner. Howard said that they have to come up with the artist and the title of the song. Howard asked if they're ready. They were ready.
Howard played the first song and waited to see who was getting it. Howard said Gary was writing and Justin wasn't. Howard said maybe Gary still has it. Howard asked what they had. Justin had Olivia Newton John ''Physical.'' He was wrong. It was ''You Should Hear How She Talks About You'' by Melissa Manchester. Gary had it right.
Howard played the second song and said that Justin is writing already. Howard said Gary is right behind him. Howard asked Gary what he had. Gary said it was ''What's On your Mind'' by Information Society. He was correct. Justin had something similar but it wasn't quite right. He had ''Tell Me What's On Your Mind.'' Howard asked the guys what the verdict is. Howard said they might have to call Judge Wendy. Fred looked it up on Wikipedia and said that he's saying it's incorrect. Howard said Gary is up 2 to nothing. Robin said he knew so much before they started. Gary said it's hard being under the lights.
Howard played the next song and said that Gary is writing but Justin isn't. Howard said that Gary was very quick. Howard said he had it very rapidly. Gary said he didn't have the band right away. It was The Smitherines ''A Girl Like You.'' Howard said they both got it.
Howard said they have 2 more songs to go. Howard said things are looking bleak for Justin. Howard played another song and said that Justin is writing. He said that Gary is writing too. Howard asked what they had. Gary said it was ''I Ran'' by A Flock of Seagulls. Gary got it wrong. It was actually ''Space Age Love Song'' by A Flock of Seagulls. Justin got that one right.
Howard said that Justin could win this. He said Gary could win it too. Gary said he screwed that one up. Howard said Yucko the Clown wants to weigh in. He picked up and Yucko asked how old 56 is in monkey years. Gary said he remembers when Yucko used to be funny. Yucko said he can't wait to see Gary... in War of the Planet of the Apes. Howard said he thought he wasn't going to be Yucko anymore. Yucko said he thinks Gary is eating shit. Howard let Yucko go a short time later. Yucko said he has a new app out today. He said it's available for iPhone and Android. He said he's starving you cock suckers.
Howard played a song and saw that Justin was writing and so was Gary. Howard asked Justin what he had. Gary said he has a lot of information about this song. Howard said poor Justin is going to lose that 5 grand. Howard said he can tie things up now. Justin said he has ''Lawn Chairs on my Lawn'' by My Mother's Daughter. He was wrong. Gary had it right with ''What do All the People Know'' by the Monroes. Gary said this was a one hit wonder and the record company went out of business.
Howard said Gary really does know a lot. Howard said Justin didn't win the 5 grand but he did win $500 from Tommy John. Justin thanked him for that.
Howard asked Gary if this is really his last one. Gary said he thinks so. He said 10 years ago he wouldn't have gotten that Flock of Seagulls question wrong. Howard asked Gary to give a speech. Gary did that and just cleared his throat and said ''I am that guy.'' Justin said he didn't know this was going to be the final Stump the Booey. Howard wished him luck with his job at Vevo. He said Gary should be proud and hang his head high. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he can't even name this song and he likes it. Howard asked if it's Justin Timberlake. Fred said it is. Howard said that today is Sour Shoes' birthday. Howard asked Robin how old she thinks he is. Robin said 35. Howard said that's close, he's 38. Howard played a song parody about Sour Shoes.
Howard had Sour on the phone. He wished him a happy birthday. He said next year he'll be thirty ''noine.'' Sour started freaking out making all kinds of noise and ''noine'' comments. Howard asked if he's impressed with Gary's music knowledge. Sour did his Gary impression and gave some history for the songs he has missed. Howard said Gary must spend hours with his music. Sour said he's spent like ''nointeen years'' ding that. He was doing his Gary voice and naming songs and clearing his throat as he did that.
Howard said he zones right out when he starts doing that stuff. Howard said Sour Shoes is 38 years old and his mom made him pancakes for breakfast. He said that's why he's all fired up today. Howard asked if he will have a birthday party. Sour said yes. Howard asked if all the kids from the neighborhood are invited. Sour started naming people. Robin asked how old they are. Sour said they're like 29, 19 and 39.
Sour broke into his Mad Dog Russo voice and did some more song announces. Howard asked what he got for his birthday. Sour named a few things he got. Sour was talking about his coloring books and telling Howard who made them up. Howard said that's enough and hung up on Sour.
Robin said Kathy can have Lenny. Howard said it didn't sound like he got far with her or with Robin. Howard said Lenny did record a song for Robin too though. He played the song parody where he sings about letting him eat her pussy.
Howard said he also wanted to mention that Wendy the Slow adult wanted another dog and he loves her and that she loves animals but it doesn't go well when he has one. Howard said he asked the family not to let her get a dog. Howard said Wendy got her dog of course. Howard said he saw a picture. Howard said he thinks Michael Vick's dogs were happier. Howard said Wendy is already leaving voicemails about something being wrong with the dog. Howard said it breaks his heart. Howard played a voicemail that she left about the dog. Wendy said that she had to take it to the doctor. Wendy said she might have to find an eye doctor to remove her eye lens. She said the dog is as happy as can be. He said she's been feeding her every day. Howard let out a sigh.
Howard said he would rather have Wendy having access to assault weapons than to pets. Howard said they're safer with her than pets are. Howard said maybe the family is supervising. Robin said she's probably letting it eat and eat and it'll end up exploding. Howard said it's weird.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has heard 2 or 3 interviews about Gregg Allman but Howard's eulogy was superior. He said that he heard more information in his than he did from anyone else. Howard said he was really sad that Gregg died. Howard said those guys lived to the fullest. He said they all lived hard. He said they admired them so much for their talent. Howard said he was just 69. He said when he was on the show he looked 80. He said he was an old man.
The caller asked about his birthday show and if he's ever going to release it on DVD or anything. He said he watched it so many times on his phone. Howard said he's having a meeting about the project he hinted at, the Howard 360 thing. He said he thinks that they'll have access to that stuff eventually.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he makes him laugh and he had to thank him for that. He said he makes him feel like he's doing alright in his life. He said he just wanted to thank him for that. Howard said he likes that he just complimented him like that. The caller mentioned that he doesn't have to wrap his penis like a mummy like Howard does. Howard said he makes sure his wife doesn't see that. He said there's nothing less romantic than your dick being wrapped in toilet paper to make sure there's no drippage.
Howard said he does his thing and he's not sure what else to do if he's dripping after peeing. He said he has to do something. Howard said it's from his prostate being enlarged slightly. Robin asked why it's so much trouble. Howard said most guys get it. Howard said he can put up with it. Howard said most guys drip into their underpants and don't care. He said he has Tommy John underpants and he doesn't want them being wet. Robin asked when someone is going to come up with the appropriate product for people like him. Howard said he has to wrap his penis after he jerks off. He said there is a product out there that tapes into your underpants. He said he found that the pad would end up in his ass. He said it moved. Howard said tissues are fine.
Howard said he's going to leave it up to Tommy John to figure out a penis wrap for him. He said he doesn't care actually. He said he's going to invented the Penis Turban that looks like the thing Nick Cannon wears on his head but it's for your penis.
Howard said he should go on Shark Tank with that idea. He said the pad thing looked good but it didn't work well. He said the tissues work nicely. He said after he blows a load he wraps his penis in tissues. He said in the morning they'll be stuck to his penis. Howard said he has to develop something non-stick. Howard said you take off your underpants and the tissues are still latched on to your penis. Robin asked if he has to soak it. Howard said he does. He said sometimes he'll pee and see if that takes it off. Howard said maybe Pam would work to spray on his penis. He said that can't be good.
Howard said if you dribble then the pee hits your balls and your balls get soaked. He said it's just a mess. Robin asked if it's a lot of fluid. Howard said it's not a lot but enough to be uncomfortable.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw the Heidi Klum photo book where she's naked. Howard said he did. He said she has nice big nips. Howard said she's hot. He said it must be great to be hot. Howard said he can't imagine that sells books. Howard said she works at staying that good looking. Howard said he could point out her flaws. He said there aren't many of them but she has some. Howard said she's a good looking woman. Howard said he thinks if he was single he could have banged her. Robin said she did like him. Howard said she was single when he was on the show. He said he loves his wife but he thinks if he was single at the time he could have had her. Howard said she wanted to come in and meditate with him in his dressing room and she doesn't even meditate. Howard said she has too many kids though. He said he'd tell her that and say that it's just a fuck.
Howard said it's a good thing he's married. Howard said she's probably listening to this and thinking she never wanted to fuck him. Howard said he has fantasies about Mel B licking his ass and Heidi is blowing him. He said that's just a fantasy though. Howard said Heidi probably looked at him thinking he looked like a praying mantis and she'd never fuck him.
Howard said he watched the premiere of America's Got Talent. He said he wanted to evaluate it without Nick there. Howard said he can't stand Simon Cowell and his big man tits. Howard said he has to lose that look with that tight shirt. Howard said he's a snake ass too. He said no guy should like him. He stole a guy's wife. Howard said just for that don't like him. Howard said Simon is playing the nice guy on the show. Howard said Heidi, Mel and Howie all play nice with him. Howard said that Simon is hardly the boss there but Howie calls him the boss. Howard said NBC is the boss. Howard said Simon's company owns a piece of it.
Howard said America's Got Talent will do just fine. He said it's a replacement show and no other networks compete with it. Howard said everyone else has reruns on. He said it almost doesn't matter who the judges are. He said David Hasselhoff was a judge. He said the judges don't matter. He said the stuff they had on the show is the same old stuff. He said they had a chicken pecking on the keys of a piano and Simon and Howie were talking about how amazing it was. Howard said if it was him he'd point out that they just put corn on the keys to get it to peck on them.
Howard said they just show some talent and they have a show. Howard said people love it. He said the show will be fine without him. Robin said she doesn't understand people. She said it's the same people watching that who listen to that shitty music they played from the 80s.
Howard said he thought it would be nice working on that show because he didn't have to do much. He said he just got on and did his thing. Howard said he had a kid ask him if he was the guy who was on America's Got Talent the tother day in a deli. He said that's not what he wants to be known for.
Howard said he doesn't get it with Simon Cowell. He said he stole a guy's wife. Howard said he went on a boat he was invited to and the next thing that guy knows his wife is knocked up by Simon Cowell.
Howard said Mel B and Heidi can't afford to lose that show. He said it has to be a come down for Mel B. He said Heidi's naked book is selling for $134. He asked who would pay that for a book. Howard said he wishes them well over there. He said he liked working with Howie, Mel and Heidi. Howard said if the show does well or fails without him it's not because of him.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said Simon has his son on his lap on the show and he wears that dirty shirt. She said it's sickening. Howard said he doesn't want to get into it. He said he doesn't care. He hung up on her.
Howard said his main thing in life isn't being a judge. Howard said he's not going to buy Heidi's book either. Howard asked if he's getting a free copy. Howard said he has to take a break and get to The Chainsmokers. Howard said they have 3 top 10 hits right now. He said they should put out a book. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he has the guys from The Chainsmokers there. He said they're young guys and super successful. Howard said they're genuinely happy to be successful. The guys came in Howard said that he wouldn't have chosen that name for the band. One of the guys said he wouldn't have picked it either. Howard said they had to buy it back from someone.
Howard said this is Drew and Alex. Drew said hi and Alex said hi too. Howard had Robin say something too so they'd all be known. Howard said that it's amazing that they're doing as well as they are. Howard said they say that between Drew and Alex they have 17 inches of penis. They said they took that off.
Alex said when they met things were really crazy. He said they did the complete opposite and they put up a bio that they forgot about. He said that some guy brought it up and now it's everywhere. Howard said if that math is right it sounds like they have about 9 inches each. Howard said that's fucking awesome. Howard asked if they have ever measured.
Howard said that they have to use the tape so they can measure to the taint. Howard said he measured the whole staff and they only had 17 inches total. Howard said they got measured by a porn star and she was looking at it like ''That's it?''
Howard said that The Chainsmokers are doing really well with their latest album. He said they have 3 songs in the top 10 and only two other bands have done that. Howard said they're up there with the Beatles.
Howard asked how they got started. Alex said they wanted to be in dance music and they were doing remixes and putting their own beats on them. He said they would write some music too. He said they were eventually writing lyrics and writing music and now they're where they're at now.
Howard asked if they knew how to play instruments. Alex said they do. He said you have to be able to do that. Howard said they know what they're doing musically. Alex said that he plays piano and guitar. He played drums too. Robin asked how they hooked up together. Howard said they have a great story.
Howard asked Drew how old he is. Drew said he's 27. Howard said he grew up in Maine. He said he wasn't in a place that had a cool scene. Howard said his dad made prosthetic limbs. Drew said that's sort of what he did. He said he worked with veterans figuring that stuff out. Howard asked if Drew ever wanted to get into that business. Drew laughed and said no.
Howard said he heard that Drew wanted to a producer type. Drew said he didn't know what the music industry was. He said his mom asked him to apply to this Bandier program. He said it focuses on the music industry. Drew said he got an internship at a record company. He said he was an awful intern. He knew how to mix stuff though so they gave him a job doing that. He said he remixed an LMFAO song and they liked it. He said that someone heard it and they liked it. He said he got like $1000 for that. He said that was crazy because he had just finished school.
Howard said he pictures guys who are into music young are actually practicing music and not beating off like he was. Howard said they have to be so focused. Howard said he's shocked that kids aren't just beating off.
Howard said Alex was growing up in Manhattan. He went to a high school for fuck ups. Alex said it was a school where everyone has been in a fight and they can't get into the next best school. He said he was class president and all of that stuff. He went to private school in Westchester too. He went to school with Chevy Chase's daughter. Howard said he played spin the bottle at Chevy's house. Alex said everyone got sick because one person was sick and it spread around.
Alex said he sued to listen to radio and there was no way to request a song. He said he'd record it off the radio and put it on cassette. He said he'd save the songs and he would make mix tapes. He said he was using that to do sweet 16s and parties. He said it was a weird business. He said he was making like $300 a gig. He said that he was only 14 years old and he'd get hassled about the type of music he was playing.
Howard said back in 1977 or something he was hired to be a DJ and he was spinning records and people were yelling at him about what he was playing. He said he quit because he couldn't take it. He said it's really hard to play music for people.
Howard asked if Paris Hilton really DJ's herself. Drew said she might be doing it. He said there is an art to it though so he's not sure if she's doing it or someone is helping. Howard said he doesn't get that DJ thing. He said no one is performing. Drew said it's about atmosphere. He said that they started playing live recently and there is a connection there that you don't get with a DJ set.
Howard said Alex was in an EDM thing with another guy doing The Chainsmokers thing. Howard asked if he couldn't stand the other dude. Alex said he thinks it's the opposite. Howard said he had to buy the name Chainsmokers from him. Alex said his hope was that it would become bigger but he never thought it would be this. He said he was a receptionist at an art gallery for 5 years and it was a pretty pathetic job. Howard said when you're in your 20s you have to find yourself and if you don't then you're fucked. Alex said that it was a now or never kind of thing. He said that's when they met so it worked out.
Alex said that he quit his job when he met Drew. Howard said they were set up on some kind of bromance kind of date. Their manager set them up. They gave it a shot after that. Howard asked who paid for dinner. Drew said Alex did. He said he had zero dollars. Alex said he had some surgery and the cut he had smelled really bad so he smelled bad for like a year. He said it was like an open wound.
Howard asked if they still like each other. They said they're still best friends. Howard said some bands don't last that long as friends. Howard asked if they ever think about going solo. Drew said he is announcing he's going solo. He was just kidding. He said they don't have the time for that.
Howard said it's not the worst thing in the world to go to marriage therapy and get their differences aired. They said they might do that some day. He said they used to get into fights. Alex said they wouldn't last long though. Drew said in Mexico it was tequila fueled. Howard said he and his roommates would beat the shit out of each other to get their aggression out. Howard said it was 3 guys in one room and they had to do that because they weren't able to beat off.
Howard asked if the guys tour constantly. They said they do. Howard said he read some story about how they got $60 million to do shows at the Wynn hotel. They said it wasn't that much. They said it's more or less. Howard said they're set. Howard asked if they spend their money on anything cool. They said they don't really. Alex said that he wasn't going to buy a car because he knows he can get a car lent to him. He said he was riding around in a promo car that says Elixir Vodka on it. It's a 1995 Range Rover. He said people can't believe it.
Howard asked if they have purchased houses or anything. Alex said they are very entrepreneurial and they get into stuff. Howard asked if they have studios in the house. They don't but the studio is around the block from Drew so he skateboards there.
Howard asked about how they write songs together. Drew told Howard how they do it and come up with ideas and they'll hum it into a recorder. Howard said he has ways of capturing every idea he has. Howard said you can't remember everything. Howard said you can forget stuff. Drew said you can't count on it coming back to you.
Howard asked about the song #selfie and how they never perform it live. Drew said they thought it would be a funny thing. He said they thought it would be great if all of their friends knew it and it was just a goofy thing. He said there was this beat to it that was a goof to this genre of EDM. Howard played some of the song they were talking about. The guys were cringing when they heard it. Alex said the whole point of the song was that it was annoying. He said it's a fun song though. Howard said the kids dug it.
Howard and the guys talked about the Sgt. Peppers album and how that got bad reviews when it came out. Howard said that he saw the guy who gave it a bad review trying to justify that review.
Howard said the song #selfie becomes a hit so what do they do when that happens. Howard said they must have thought they should do novelty songs. Drew said that their first record deal fell apart.
Howard said that whole EDM scene is something he doesn't understand. Howard said they put out that song and performed it on American Idol. Drew said they heard so many corny things about the dance scene. He said that they heard that people were going to perform the song and just sand behind a desk. He said they were going to go on and take selfies with people. He said that's so corny. Alex said they met Ryan Seacrest and the other guys. He said Drew said that it didn't feel right but it was too late to turn back at that point.
Howard said he was talking about the photo sessions he used to do and you do these douchey moves. He said you just hope you don't do too many of those. Howard said when you go on American Idol the kids must have thought they were douche bags. Alex said that was one of their biggest slip ups. Drew said that it's all about the music. He said if you keep putting it out then people don't care about that stupid stuff.
Howard asked the guys if they have to dance to their own stuff when they do the EDM stuff. Alex said you have to look like you're having fun. He said the vibe has to be out there. He said if you're not enjoying it then you shouldn't be doing it.
Howard asked how long they've had their own SiriusXM show for a couple of years. They said they once quit on air accidentally. Alex said they quit but they are back now. Howard said they are there and they can hear them on Hits 1 and BPM 51.
Howard said they had the song Roses featuring Roses. Drew said that was a big turning point for them. Howard played the song. He asked how they found her for the song. Drew said they found her on a web site. He said they reached out to a million artists and she came over and did this. He said they produced and recorded this in 8 hours. Howard said it worked out for them. Alex said they were playing in Europe and it was a big hit at their show. Howard said that must feel great. Drew said it was a little bit slower than #selfie. He said they took a chance and it worked for them so it felt great.
Howard asked if they see themselves as producers or a band. They said both. Drew said they're in a band and they're producing too. Robin asked if they have produced anyone else's music. They said they don't have the time. Drew said they reached out to Coldplay and they did a song with them. Howard said he likes this woman Halsey that they worked with. Howard played a song they worked with her on called ''Closer.''
Howard said they have to be proud of that song too. Drew said he loves that song. He said he had that sitting around in his phone for a long time. He said he wanted to make an apathetic love song.
Howard asked if they take co-writing credits on all of the songs. Drew said not always. He said they will write with other people at times too.
Howard asked the guys if they have had any vocal training. Drew said he does now. He said it's pretty intense. Howard said it has to be brutal and beats the shit out of you singing all the time.
Howard asked if they party really hard. Drew said they like to party but it's not that hard. He said they tour so much that it's hard. He said it's much harder than anything they've done before. Howard asked how big the crowds are. Drew said they've played in front of 18,000.
Howard asked how many instruments they play on stage. They said they play a lot. Howard asked if money or chicks are the big moltivators. Howard said when he got into radio it was all to get laid. Howard asked if they're not into drugs and drinking then what are they doing it for? He asked what they drink. They said they like tequila.
Howard asked if they have ever tried to write songs when they're high. Drew said they don't smoke that regularly.
Howard asked if they're motivated by getting women or what. They're both in relationships and they aren't into getting women. Alex said he got his girlfriend right before #selfie hit big. He said he was a total douche bag and he ended up dating a super model who was a horrible person to him. He said she made him work for it. He said it was about 7 months of begging and pleading. He said she's the best though. He said she's dealing with all of this really well.
Howard asked Drew about who he's dating. Drew told Howard about his girlfriend. Howard said he had to lock Beth in once he met her. Howard said he didn't want her to get away.
The guys asked Howard if he's into marriage. Howard said he's having such a good marriage with Beth that it's been remarkable for him. He said he's not sure about Beth. He said she seems a little aggravated. Howard said he's very much a proponent of marriage. He said he thinks that you need some therapy on yourself before doing that though. Robin said these guys seem okay. Howard said he thinks they might be a little depressed. Howard said he goes to therapy and he thinks he's a better husband.
Howard told the guys to never sing the Name Game to their girlfriends. Howard said he pushed the limits with that one.
Howard played their song ''Don't Let Me Down'' featuring Daya. Howard said this is a really good song. Howard said just listen to that. He said it's fucking awesome. Howard even danced to it. Howard said just give him a simple dance move and he'll use it.
Howard asked the guys if they were upset they lost to Chance the Rapper for best new artist. Drew said that he was so glad Chance won. He said he thought they deserved to be nominated but he gets it with Chance. The guys told some stories about being at the Grammy awards and how crazy that was for them.
Howard asked the guys if they ever expect people to recognize them when they're out. Alex said he thinks it's cool to be in the shadows a little bit. He said their fans recognize them.
Howard asked Alex about an interview he did with Rolling Stone about a Lady Gaga song he didn't like. Howard said he was honest and he caught tons of shit about it. Howard said Drew had to put out a statement about how he likes Lady Gaga. Howard asked if they had to beat each other up about that. Alex said that they respect her as an artist and he wasn't a fan of that one song. He said it was taken out of context. He said he's 32 now and no one has given him shit about anything he's said until now.
Howard said that the boys are here to promote their album ''Memories...Do Not Open.'' Howard said he's not going to even ask what that means. He said it's probably none of his business. Howard played a song from the album. Howard said they have another hit. Howard asked if they're going to freak out when they put out a song that's not a hit. Drew said it happens all the time. They spent some time talking about working with this artist on the song.
Howard asked the guys about working with Chris Martin from Coldplay. He played some of the song he was talking about. The guys spent a few minutes talking about what it was like working with Chris.
Gary told Howard that they guys have to go. Howard said he didn't think they talked so long. He said they were vibing. He wrapped up and gave them some more plugs before going to break.
Howard came back and said it's gotten very late. He said he wants to make Robin aware of something. He said there was breaking news during the interview. He said Richard Christy shit his pants during the interview. Howard said Richard is the drummer of many bands. He said what happened was that Richard farted and shit came out. He said his wife is pregnant so he's a future father. Howard said the way he heard it Richard got shit on his hand examining the mess.
Richard came in and said that he farted on Memet's shoulder earlier. He said quite a bit of shit came out when he farted. Richard said he waited until the break to go clean the shit out of his pants. He said he announced it to the guys. Richard said it was kind of watery so it wasn't smelly.
Howard asked where he went to examine the mess. Richard said he went to the upstairs bathroom. He said he saw the damage it did to his underwear. He said he just wiped the shit out of his ''underwears.'' Howard cut him off saying it's just ''underwear'' not underwears. Howard said Richard shits at work every day instead of doing it at home. Richard said he doesn't want his wife to smell anything. He said he does it at home at times.
Richard told Howard he shit after the fart thing. He said he stood up and farted again and shit in his hand. Robin said he has that shitty hand in the studio. Howard asked if he washed his underwear. Richard said he just wiped it out. Howard said that's disgusting. He said he should just free ball it and throw out those underwear. Richard said he doesn't want to ruin his jeans too.
Howard said Richard is playing with the headphone cord now. Richard said he shook Dr. Drew's hand out in the hall too. He said he did wash his hands though. Richard said he washed them really good. Robin said she's sure he washed them like a surgeon.
Howard did his impression of Richard's dad talking to him. He asked to see Richard's underwear. Richard showed him and they still had stains on them. Howard said they're not clean. Howard said there's shit in his underpants. Howard said he did wipe it but there's still ass and doody juice in there. Howard told him not to get rid of them.
Gary said Dr. Drew is in the green room freaking out right now. Howard had Gary bring Drew in. Howard said he'd be disgusted. Howard said he's sorry. Drew came in and said he just took a bath in hand sanitizer. He said he shook Shuli's hand too. Howard said he didn't know what Richard did. Drew said his hands are the opposite of sterile now. Howard said he needs to boil his hands. Drew said he got him as he was walking out of the bathroom.
Howard said he still has shit in his pants too. Drew said he saw it. Howard said enjoy his new case of pink eye. He told Drew to go wash up. Howard asked how he's doing. Drew said he's good. He said he had prostate cancer since he last saw him. He said even if you get it you can still function. He said he can still get hard. He said he had the operation like 4 years ago. He said shaking Richard's hand was much worse.
Howard asked if he has the same sensation when he cums. Drew said it's the same sensation without the load. He said it's very ghost like. Howard asked if it freaked him out when he heard. Drew said he was freaked out when he found out at 52. He said that he figured he'd get it in his 70s. He said if you get cancer that's the one you want. He said it's quite manageable. He said the operation was hell to go through but he's fine.
Howard said he's not going to shake Drew's hand today. He has doody and prostate cancer. Howard said Robin is still a 34 on the narcissist scale.
Howard mentioned that Drew is there to co-host the Wrap Up Show today. Howard said the bad part is that Richard shit on his hand while wiping. He said he's wearing his dirty underwear now. He said he has two huge stains in there. Howard asked what Richard is going to eat with today. He said he'll have to learn to eat with his feet. Howard apologized to Dr. Drew for what happened. Gary asked them not to touch the door on their way out. Howard let them go after that. Howard said Richard still has shit juice in his underwear. Robin said that he didn't clean them well so he couldn't have cleaned his hands that well. Howard said Richard touched everything on his way out. Robin said nothing is clean in that studio anymore. Howard said he's disgusting. He said sometimes he wipes his teeth down with a towel instead of brushing them. He said it's just gross.
Howard said they should do the news. He said they're so far behind. He said Richard should have said he was sick or something so don't shake his hand. Howard said that's what you do. He said he did that the other day. He fist bumped instead. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin started her news with a story about Apple holding their developers conference this week. Robin had some news about what Apple was announcing this week. Robin said they will have a device like the Amazon Echo but with Siri in it. Howard did his Scott the Engineer impression talking to Siri. Robin read about a new iPad Pro and some other things that Apple announced yesterday. Howard did his Scott impression some more and played Scott singing ''Popcorn Lung'' to the tune of ''Black Hole Sun.''
Robin read a story about a scientist who says that killer's brains have a distinctive look to them when they're scanned. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about what they see.
Robin read a story about a weight loss surgery option. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about this new way of stapling the stomach. Howard said he's not sure why they keep trying to improve that. He said he works hard at staying thin. Howard said you diet and exercise. Howard said he gets angry about that. He said when people are fat it makes him feel better about himself. He said he has a cure... take the stairs.
Robin read a story about Al Franken backing out of an appearance he was going to make on Bill Maher's show. Robin said it has to do with the use of the N-word that got Maher in trouble. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Bill Cosby trial starting. Robin had some audio of the Cosby show theme. Robin had some details about what happened on the first day of the trial. Robin said the girl who played Rudy on The Cosby Show walked in with Bill at the trail. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read some news about what's going on with President Trump's comments about the attacks in London. Robin had some audio of some people commenting on that.
Robin read a story about a new hotel chain called ''American Idea'' that the Trump family is announcing today.
Robin read a story about a noose that was found near a school. Robin had some audio of some people commenting on that.
Robin read a story about an MMA fighter named War Machine who may spend the rest of his life in prison. Robin had some audio of his girlfriend commenting about how she's been waiting for this. Robin said he was accused of beating his ex-girlfriend in 2014. Robin said he was sentenced to life in prison. He could get parole in 36 years. Howard said he's surprised that more of them don't do that kind of thing.
Robin said the owner of the world's biggest Star Wars collection says that he has had more than 100 items stolen and he knows who did it. Robin said that this guy says a long time friend of his made off with some of his memorabilia. Howard said his mother would have thrown that junk out. Howard did an impression of his mother telling him she threw out his junk. Robin said this guy claims the stuff stolen was worth over $200,000. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started the show talking about how he feels like he's done a full show already. He said they were bullshitting before the show for 45 minutes. He said he's done. He's going home now. Robin said they were talking about Jackie taking over all of Kathy Griffin's jobs.
Howard said he has Underdog Woman telling them who is on the show today. He had a clip of Rachel Butera doing the voice of Underdog announcing Bill Burr is coming in today.
Howard said he was just sitting there reading the email that came in about yesterday's show. Howard said he was there most of the day yesterday in meetings. He said you'd think he was doing something important. He had a meeting with Marci and Jeremy where they went over all station business. He said then they discuss ways of doing things on the show. Then they had a meeting with Gary. Howard said they bring Gary in with the 3 of them. He said then all of the producers there come in. He said anyone who is a producer is there. He said some days he has everyone in. Robin asked if Scott is a producer. Howard did his Scott the Engineer voice and talked about how he produces every day. Howard played a Scott the Engineer commercial parody where they play songs about unhappiness. Howard kept going with the Scott impression after that.
Howard said Scott is in on some meetings. He said he had another meeting about what's coming down the pike. Fred played the guitar riff from Aqualung so Howard got back into doing what he was doing the other day where he's Scott talking about his life in short sentences. Robin and Fred got in on that too. After a few minutes Howard said that's enough of that. He kept going though. Robin said they could do this for 4 hours. Howard said he could do 4 hours just about Scott bitching about Gary getting everything. Howard and Fred kept going with the lines about Scott's life. Howard told Fred to stop playing the clip. They just kept going though.
Howard said he had a meeting with some executives there. He said he has to tell you something but he has to be cryptic. He said he's not sure what he can say. He said that something great is coming from Sirius and it'll be the way you look at things. He said it's mind blowing. Robin asked if it's time to buy into stock again. Howard said he's not telling anyone what to do. He said he doesn't joke about that. Howard said he was in a meeting with Scott Greenstein and some other people. He said they have some great things happening. He said he's very excited about it. He said he learned many new things yesterday. He said it's stuff he can't even believe is happening. He said he was really charged up.
Howard said they have a new Scott Salem channel coming up. He said everyone but Scott would be excited about that. That led to Fred and Howard doing more of their Aqualung lines about Scott.
Howard said the meeting was really exciting and the future of Sirius and broadcasting looks great. Robin asked if there's really something to look forward to. She said people have been signaling the death. Howard said people are going to be very pleased. Howard said he's very excited about it. Howard said they're headed in the right direction.
Howard said he was just busy with meetings yesterday. Robin asked if there were more after that. Howard said he had enough after that. He said he was done at 2 or 2:30 in the afternoon. Howard said there's only so much you can take. He said he was losing focus so he went home and sat in a chair the rest of the day.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't usually let his kids listen to the show but he figured with the Scott the Engineer stuff it would be okay. He said his daughter was pissing her pants listening to it. He said she was spitting water all over the dashboard of his car. He said she thinks Scott is the greatest thing now. Howard said Scott's fans start at 5. He said anyone who understands unhappiness understands Scott.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he's saying it's bullshit that this new stuff is coming. Howard said he never should have opened his mouth. He said this new thing came about when he signed his new contract. He said this will be a crowing achievement. Howard said they're not releasing anything until it's good. Howard said they don't want it out until it's 100 percent right. Howard said he doesn't bullshit. He said it's so complex. He said it's got to be simple to use and it's being done right. Howard said he shouldn't have opened his mouth about it. Howard said you want it today if he mentions it. He said there's good stuff going on. Howard said he would do a video of this and show people what's coming but that's up to them.
The caller said he loves Robin so much. He said he loves Howard more but not much more. Robin said she came into something on her computer today. She said she saw a Lenny Dykstra photo that was autographed. She said it said ''Robin, I had a dream last night and it tasted so good...''
Howard said he loved the phone call yesterday where they had Lenny call the Kathy show. Howard said a lot of people wrote in about The Chainsmokers and some hated them. Howard said some loved them and it seems like more people loved them. Howard read some of the comments about that interview.
Howard said he has some comments about the final Stump the Booey. Howard read through some of those emails. Howard said they got a note from one of the guys from the band The Monroes who heard his song was played yesterday. Howard read about Gary's throat clearing too.
Howard said Richard claimed a salad made him sick. He said that's why his stomach was rumbling. Howard said the odd thing is that he saved half of the salad and ate it later. Howard asked if you would eat that after it made you sick.
Howard had some audio of Richard's stomach rumbling. He played the clip and it was really loud rumbling and gurgling. Howard said the logical thing to do is throw out your dirty underpants. Howard said Richard's wife made him throw them out. The have a new washing machine and she didn't want to wash them in there.
Howard said he has some audio of Richard shitting violently and he won't even play it. He said it's too disgusting. Howard said he won't play it. He said he knows that people will get angry if he does play it.
Howard said Richard's underwear were all wet and dirty. He said his wife told him it was wrong to save them.
Howard asked Richard to come in and talk about it. Howard said Ronnie was doing an impression of Richard trying to salvage his underpants. Howard asked Ronnie what he said this morning. Ronnie said ''Hey, I'm gonna recycle my underwear.'' He did it in his Richard voice. Howard said the thought of keeping those things is wrong.
Howard asked Richard why he would eat the salad that was leftover. Richard said he figured the damage was already done. He said the lettuce was already black. He said he put some Balsamic on it to cover it up.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who said they were Jim Meyer, the head of Sirius, and they wanted to hear the tape of Richard shitting. Howard said if he plays it you're going to regret it.
Howard asked what this tape was from. Richard said this is after he finished the rest of the salad. Howard said turn off your radio if you don't want to hear it. Howard played a clip and Richard was shitting and it sounded really wet. Robin said ''What a nightmare.'' She said that's there at work. Ronnie said imagine there's a guy in the next stall. Richard said there was.
Howard said people are walking in and out of that bathroom when he's wiping out his underwear. Richard said he didn't wash it, he just wiped it out with toilet paper. Richard said he didn't want anyone to see him doing it. He said he had to get back to the show after the break.
Howard asked what happened when he got home. Richard said his wife said she heard he had an accident today. Richard said she didn't want to use their new washer and dryer for that. He said it's their first one. Howard said they usually take it down to the river and bang on rocks.
Howard said they have video of Richard coming in and showing his underwear on HowardStern.com. Ronnie asked how he sat in that all day. Richard said it was a little sticky. Ronnie asked if he's wearing it now. Richard said he went running and then took a shower. Howard said he heard Richard went running in the shitty underpants and then came home. Richard said he got a little rashy. He said he did 5 miles in them.
Howard said he heard Richard put extra dressing on the bad lettuce. He said he's disgusting. Robin said she's not sure what to even say. Howard said he doesn't wash his jeans for months. Richard said he freezes and Febreze's them. Richard said he has some shirts he wears and switches out before washing them.
Howard asked how his stomach is today. Richard said it's fine today. Robin asked if he's going back to that place he got the salad. Richard said he will. He said he loves that place.
Howard said Richard sneezes into his shirt and wipes his nose in it. He said no one wants to be near him. Richard said there are never tissues around. The guys told him they're always around.
Howard asked if anyone wants to hear from Richard's shit bacteria. He took a call from the guys in the back who were doing a voice as the shit.
Howard asked if Richard still brushes his teeth with a towel. Richard said that was in the olden days. He said he would just wipe his teeth off with a towel. He said now he takes better care of his teeth though. Howard said he's so disgusting. Howard said Richard had 22 cavities when he went to the dentist. Richard said when they got to Sirius they had some major work to do on him. Howard did his Richard's Dad voice and talked about the dentist thing. Richard said his parents have dentures so he's jealous of that. He said they put their teeth in a cup by the side of the bed.
Howard kept going with his Richard's Dad impression asking Richard questions about that stuff. Howard had his dad talking about his mom wiping her ass with the teeth towel and getting sick from using that.
Howard said when you see a bad salad don't save it and eat it. Richard said he felt fine but he just had the shits. Ronnie asked why he didn't just take it back to the place. Richard said he's not going to return a salad. He said he loves that place.
Howard said that's the update on Richard. He said that his wife didn't want to use the washer to clean them. Richard said he just threw them down the garbage chute. He said he feels bad that people pick recyclables out of that trash. Howard said he has to take a break. He said this is fun but he has to take a break. Richard thanked him for playing the shit tape. Howard said he's not going to play it again.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's going through chemotherapy for colon cancer and he gets the shits from that but he doesn't sound as bad as Richard. Howard wished him luck with the cancer. The caller said Robin is an inspiration. Howard said good luck to him. He said if he does die he'd appreciate him to keep subscribing.
Howard took a call from Richard's building super. He was screaming about how unacceptable this is that he threw his dirty underwear down the garbage. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that story is horrible. He said 60 women have come forward with pretty much the same story. He said her story is bad because he allegedly told her take 3 pills. Howard said he plays with their titties and they come to with his fingers in their vaginas and things like that. Howard said it's so dark and creepy. He said the whole thing warps your world. He said it's so depressing. He said it's even weirder with that woman looking like him.
Howard said he doesn't know why Cosby had ''Rudy'' show up. Robin said maybe he's trying to get to the jury by making them think he's Cliff Huxtable.
Howard said the trolls out there are trying to get to him with the picture of that woman but it's not working. Howard said he was trying on clothes this morning and everything was ill fitting. He said he's thin but he's odd shaped so it doesn't fit right. Howard said he opens up the paper and he looks like the Cosby rape victim. He wondered why he can't be good looking. Howard said Johnny Depp has a look.
Howard took a call from Danny the Twitter Troll (the guys in the back) who were talking about how the show isn't funny and it hasn't been funny since Al Rosenberg left. Howard said he hasn't been on the show in decades. Howard talked to Danny about the show and Danny was hashtagging everything.
Howard said the other thing these trolls talk about is his hair. They think he wears a wig. Danny said all of his interviews suck. He said they all suck other than the Lady Gaga interview in 2012. Howard asked if there's anything he likes about the show. Danny said he likes Fred. Howard let Danny go a short time later.
Howard said they talked to Richard about his filthy underpants and sneezing into his shirts. Howard said he's so disgusting. He said Richard walking around in a filthy t-shirt is different than Bradley Cooper walking around in one.
Howard read a few more emails about Scott the Engineer. Howard said people were writing in about Kathy Griffin and Bill Maher too. Howard read that all of Kathy Griffin's tour dates were canceled. Howard said just go out and do it.
Howard read some email about Simon Cowell and some about Kevin Hart. He said someone asked what he thought about the Gotham season finale. Howard said he liked it. Robin said she's still with that show after bailing on some of the super hero shows. Howard said one of the things that stuck with him about Kevin Hart was when he said Dave Chappelle got up and killed so much that they threw away the material they were working on.
Howard said Kesha was the girl who accused one of her record producers of being sexually inappropriate with her. Howard said there was a whole controversy there. Howard said she must have it in her head that she doesn't trust men and she sees Jerry there and she figured she feels safe enough to hug him. Howard said she goes over and tries to get back to her roots and then she gets turned down. Howard said most guys would hug an attractive woman like that but Jerry doesn't need that.
The caller said some guy threw bedbugs on the counter of city hall because they denied him general assistance. Howard said he hopes he gets thrown in jail for life. Robin said she's not sure there's a crime there. Robin said there is no law about that. Howard said they should make a law. He said they should drown him in a tank of bed bugs. Howard said he would take that guy and feed him to the bed bugs. Howard asked what you think of that.
Howard said he has a phony phone call where the guys chopped up his voice from the Big Foot Game and called a guy. Howard said this is really stupid. Howard played the call and they had Howard asking the guy they called the questions that they asked Big Foot. The guy was giving nasty answers to the questions he was being asked. It lasted about a minute before the guy hung up.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he has listened to the Beatles channel. Howard said he hasn't but he hears it's good. The caller said it is very good. Howard said Gary told him about some stuff they were playing. Howard said Gary is fired unless he reminds him to listen. Howard said this whole 50th anniversary of Sgt. Peppers is really good. Howard said there's a review of the album that came out 50 years ago and they trashed the album. He said it's so funny to read because it's so off. Howard said it was in the NY Times. Gary said the guy called the album ''ultimately fraudulent.'' Howard said he's not sure how a reviewer could say that. Howard said he was rocked when he heard that album. He said he was like 13 years old and he went and sat on a rock by himself. He said he couldn't even process how great it was. He said he sat in a room for a week by himself listening to it. He said he made his mom listen to it and she kind of got into it.
Howard said that album was such a mind blowing experience. Howard said it was the first time lyrics were written on the back of the album. He said that he'd sit there reading them and he was so in love with that album.
Gary read some of the review from 50 years ago and the guy was saying the lyrics were dull and dismal. Howard asked what that guy's name is. Gary said it's Richard Goldstein. Howard said that's way off and he can't be a critic now. Gary said the guy said the entire album was like a over attended spoiled child. Howard said it's like when Gary said the iPad was a bit of a stumble. Howard said Gary has given up tech reviews since then.
Gary said he still has a column. Howard asked if that guy Goldstein is still a reviewer. Fred said he was just 22 when he wrote that. Gary said he went on to be an editor at the Village Voice after that. Howard said he was wrong once about the greatest album ever made. Gary said he has it on his web site so he's going to see what he said about it years later.
Howard said Gary didn't get the iPad. The caller was going off on some tangent about the number ''Noine'' but Howard didn't get it so he let the guy go.
Howard played a song parody about Robin. He said that guy Goldstein likes that version of the song from the Sgt. Peppers album. Gary said he was reading more about this guy and the stereo he listened to the record on was broken. Fred said one of the speakers was broken. Fred said he probably missed some stuff if he didn't hear both speakers. Howard said that's like Kay Gardela reviewing his show without watching it.
Howard said Gary has a lot going on. He asked where his column is. Gary said it's in Popular Mechanics. He said it's every other month. Howard said Gary does everything but work there. Howard asked what else he has going on. Howard said he's at the Met game and all of that. Gary said that's it for his side gigs. Howard said he seems busy all the time. Howard said the side gigs don't pay, this one does.
Robin asked what Gary writes about. Howard said Gary did a cooking segment at a concert. Gary said that was when he was on vacation. Howard said he's a fucking maniac. Robin asked what made him do that. Howard said he doesn't know. He was cooking and then he started rapping. Howard said he doesn't care why he was doing that.
Howard said Gary loves the spotlight more than he does. He said he's not looking for more of that but Gary is. Howard said he didn't know Gary craved the spotlight. He said he needs someone behind the spotlight.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression and singing. Howard talked to him about Sgt. Peppers and that got Sour singing some songs from that album. Sour was singing the songs as Gary. Howard asked Sour Gary about his column about tech. Sour was telling Howard about what he found wrong with the Sgt. Peppers album. He was rambling on and on like Gary might do. Sour broke into some other voices so Howard was about to let him go.
Howard said they were talking about the Beatles and he should point out that they featured wind chimes. Howard said he hates them but Robin loves them. He said she has 7 around her home. Howard said they had them on Abbey Road. Howard played a clip where they played the chimes. Howard said they nearly ruined the album with the chimes. He asked if Robin likes that. Robin said she does.
Sour did his Jackie impression for a few seconds and then Howard let him go. Howard said the Doobie Brothers had wind chimes in a song. Howard played that and said he liked the song other than that part. Howard said he has other examples of songs with wind chimes. Howard said Steely Dan had them in the song ''Do it Again.'' Howard played a clip of that too. Howard asked if Robin listens to the Wind Chime channel at Sirius. He said it's all wind chime songs. Howard said the band The Stylistics had wind chimes in a song. He played a clip from that song too.
Howard said the Beach Boys had a song called Wind Chimes. He said it's not one of their more well known songs. Howard played a clip from that song too. Howard said fortunately this song tanked. He said no one knows this one. He said this might be the album where Brian Wilson was all fucked up on acid.
Howard said Kenny Loggins had a song with wind chimes in it too. He played a clip and said he ends the song with actual wind chimes.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Frank Zappa put out an album in 1967 that was a complete mockery of the Beatles album. Howard said Frank was out of his mind. He said that's what he loved about him. He said he also said that the pope was the biggest drug dealer in the world. He said you don't take Frank seriously. Howard said he barely knew Frank but he had a theory every 3 minutes. He said he'd say shit that you thought was actionable in court. Howard said he was really out there.
Howard said Frank was able to say just about anything. He said Frank may have brushed his teeth with a towel. He said Frank was out there. Howard did a live commercial read after that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from High Register Sean who had a bad phone connection. Nothing was coming through. Howard said he has tape from a radio show who had a connection like that. Howard said he should have a whole conversation with Sean like this. He asked what was on his mind and nothing was coming through other than some unintelligible sounds. Howard said he could do an hour trying to find out how he does things.
Howard said he was goofing on the NFL network the other day because it sounded just like this. He said meanwhile they have the same thing going on. Howard told Sean to call in another day.
Howard played a clip from the NFL network where they were doing an interview and it sounded just like this. The woman interviewing the guy just said ''Yeah...'' like she could hear the guy.
Howard played more of that clip and the guy was talking a lot but only a few words were making it through. The host of the show thanked him for that.
Howard said he's fascinated with people who blow up their careers. Howard said there was a young woman from Philadelphia channel PHL 17. JD said it's the My Network down there. Howard asked what that is. Robin said it's like channel 9 up there in New York. Howard said this chick has a job on a channel and she's on TV. Her name is Colleen Campbell. Howard said you can tell she's kind of new to this. Howard played a clip of her talking about gluten free foods and Celiac disease.
Howard said this girl goes to a comedy club on her off hours and something happens. He said she starts cursing out this cop and someone is video taping the whole thing. Howard said she starts to go ape shit on this black cop who is very restrained. Howard said he finally had to put her in handcuffs. Howard said she looked like she tried to spit on some guy. Howard said she completely undid her career. Howard said she got fired. Howard played some audio of her yelling at the cop. She was cursing out the cop and the guys from the comedy club. She was demanding her money back from the club after being kicked out. Howard said the cop was really restrained and he looked like he wanted to throw her through a window.
Howard said this woman was a reporter on TV and she was acting like that. Howard said she even told the cop where she works like that was a threat. Howard played audio of her talking about working at PHL 17. She called the cop a piece of shit over and over. Howard said she doesn't work there anymore. He said she was ragging on this cop. He said she totally fucked up. She got fired so quick she didn't know what hit her.
Howard asked if they fired her immediately. JD said they deleted her profile from their site that night. Howard said she claims she only had one drink. She's now claiming she could have been drugged. Howard said even if he was drugged he's pretty sure he wouldn't mouth off to a cop.
Howard said here was a bunch of Baba Booey and Hit 'em with the Hein from the PGA Memorial tournament. Howard played a few clips where people yelled out Baba Booey and Hit 'em with the Hein. The announcers in one clip were commenting on the quality of the Baba Booey. In another clip someone yelled out a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' that was very loud. Howard said how about that. Howard played another one where they got in both a Baba Booey and a Hit 'em with the Hein.
Howard said golf has turned really interesting with all of these. Robin said she's asking for them to bring that into tennis. Robin said they don't know what to do at tennis. Howard said they throw you out if you do that at a tennis match. Robin said not if it's during a break. Robin said some guy does some stuff during the breaks and it should really be Baba Booey. Howard said they should start that.
Howard said this is a Baba Booey from the PGA Memorial. Howard played that one and someone got in a couple of Booeys.
Howard said there's a podcast out there saying they should start yelling out JJO (Just Jerk Off) at golf tournaments because Baba Booey is lame. Howard said fuck that guy. He said they've been nurturing this for years and years. He played a clip of this guy talking about that on his podcast. Howard said this cunt head should come up with something original. He said he hates this guy and he doesn't even know him. Howard played more of the guy talking about this stupid JJO thing. The guy said no one even knows what Baba Booey is anymore. Howard said no one knows who this guy even is. Howard said they have 30 million subscribers at Sirius and what does this asshole have? Howard said no one will even know who this guy is unless he mentions him. He said he fucking hates these assholes.
Howard said instead of yelling something out how about actually jerking off. He said that would be an innovation. He said he's a fucking dick. Howard said Baba Booey isn't lame. He said this guy is a fucking tool. He hates people. Howard said how about he goes and shoves a golf club up his ass during a tournament. Howard said he's a cunt. He said people make him nuts. He said JJO is so god damn lame. He said JJO means nothing to anyone other than this guy. Howard said they didn't make Baba Booey a thing, his fans did.
Howard said on The Bachelor the guy says his saying is ''Wahboom'' and he's trying to make that a thing. Howard said no one cares. Howard said he's trying so hard to make it a thing. Howard said these guys should do their own unique thing instead of piggy backing on what they have going on. Howard said he knows who this asshole is just by listening to this clip. He said he doesn't like the guy.
Howard asked why his voice is normal on the tape. Sean said it's not his tape. He said it's another guy who does that. Howard asked why he's putting it out there. Sean said there's a network of preppers out there.
Shuli came in and said that Sean is plugged into that preppers loop. Howard said he hates that. Howard said there are people who think that Sandy Hook didn't happen. Howard asked if Sean believes that. Sean was stuttering over his answer. Howard asked if he believes Sasquatch exists. Sean said he does. Howard asked if he believes there are dog men out there. Sean said yes. Howard said he has to go.
Howard asked if we landed on the moon. Sean said ''Doubtful.'' Howard asked what happened in his life that made him so fucked up. Sean tried to answer but his stutter didn't get out. Howard asked if other kids goofed on him. Sean said he was terrorized. He said it's not funny. Howard said it's not funny at all.
Sean said that Sandy Hook did happen but they did it to promote gun control. Sean said they're working on it but it hasn't happened yet. Howard said that the police in London have to deal with chemicals and that's why they changed. Sean said they weren't changing into police clothes. He said they weren't in chemical warfare clothes. They were putting on camouflage.
Howard asked what this guy's story is. Shuli said he's a normal guy other than these strong beliefs. He said he has 1000 pounds of rice stockpiled and chickens. He said he's been ready for this stuff for years.
Brent Hatley came in and said that the clothes that the guys were changing into in London were chemical warfare clothes. He said you can see the bags they came in. Shuli said Brent has some conspiracy theories about 9/11 too. Brent said he still doesn't know what happened to building 7. Howard said he's right up there with High Register Sean. Howard said he has to get out of this. He said he's telling Sean that the London cops were in chemical warfare outfits. Sean asked when they opened up the green bags. Howard said they don't who everything on that tape. He said it was a minute long.
Howard said you think this guy knows something but then you find out he works at a body shop. Howard said he must be breathing fumes all day.
Howard asked Sean if he thinks Casting Couch porn is real. Sean said he prays it is. Howard asked what happened to his voice. Sean said he had tons of trauma as a kid. Robin said that doesn't cause this. Howard said he had tons of trauma too. Howard said he got his ass kicked every day of school. He said you don't hear him stammering like that.
Howard asked if Sean believes the holocaust happened. Sean said yes. He said that happened before all of this government stuff happened. Howard said he has to go because Bill Burr is there. Sean said he has a 144 IQ so this is real. Howard said he doesn't believe his theory on the London attack. Robin said he can't do anything other than clean the rims on the cars at the body shop so they don't believe this. Howard let Sean go after that. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard came back and said he has Bill Burr there. He said Bill is a top comic. He said there he is. Bill came in wearing a hat so Howard asked what it says. Bill said it was at some benefit for clean water. Howard asked if he does a lot of benefit shows. Bill said he does but he's thinking that they're bullshit. He said there are comedians who don't have any road gigs but they do benefit shows. He said you look them up and they're not making money so they must make money from the benefits. Howard said Bill has legitimate gigs and these people are benefiting in a different way. Bill said there are more benefit shows than ever.
Howard asked what the last benefit show was that he did. Bill said he doesn't even know what they're for. Howard asked why he does them. Bill said he tries to give back. Howard said there must be pressure to come up with new material all the time. Howard said he can sleep until 2 in the afternoon but the paranoia of not being good enough must put off the other shit. Bill said he doesn't think that way. He said he's trying new things in his life and you screw up and then you have a joke.
Howard asked if it's hard to live a legitimate life thinking like that all the time. He said you think about how to turn it into something. Bill said his wife does that. He said his wife will tell him she knows that something is going to go on stage. He said he has an apartment there in New York and he wanted a new refrigerator. He said he had to do the whole thing and he didn't want to do it. He said he called a Home Depot and they put him on hold for 20 minutes and then just hung up on him. He said he calls Customer Service and tells them what they just did to him. He said the woman tells him she can help but that wasn't the point of his call. He said they say they're sorry but they're not. He said he has to go there anyway because there's nowhere else to buy the fridge.
Howard said Bill is buying his own stuff. Bill said he doesn't have an assistant or anything. Bill said he just watched Behind the Music and you see that these guys get ripped off. He said they put the guy in jail after he steals money and he's not going to let that happen to him.
Howard said Bill is on top of his game. Howard said Rolling Stone magazine deemed him the new Louis C.K. in 2013. Howard said Louis is new and now Bill is the new Louis. Howard said that's a high compliment. Howard said Louis is a great comic and Bill is the new guy. Bill said that dragged Louis down a bit. Bill said he doesn't read that stuff actually. He said he'd be fine if people forgot who he was when he walked out of here. Howard said if you read that stuff then you read the negative stuff too.
Bill said he had a guy on his podcast the other day and he was making fun of this guy and someone said they can only stand so much. He said that he told the guy not to be so dramatic and go listen to another podcast. He said now the guy will be thrilled he brought it up on this show.
Howard said Bill was listed high on a list of the best comics of all time. Bill said he's above Eddie Murphy so he knows that list is bullshit. Howard said he smoked Robert Klein too. Howard said he's ahead of Rodney Dangerfield. He said he's ahead of Don Rickles and Eddie Murphy too. Bill said those guys are all limited.
Howard said he should be happy that he's on the list. Bill said that's how Rolling Stone survives now. He said they have to put out the lists to keep people reading. Howard said it is nice to be mentioned.
Howard said Bill was born in Massachusetts and he came from humble beginnings. He said no one expected him to be a comic. He was almost shy. Bill said he was introverted. He said he knew his place. He said if he was in class and there were football players and cheerleaders he stood down. He said he was an extra. He said he was like an extra in his college class.
Howard said Bill went to Emerson college. Bill said that was after like 3 others. Howard said he started doing radio to get comfortable talking to people. Bill said he was like a 24 year old Freshman. He said that his dad was flipping out about it. He said he went to 3 colleges. Howard said it must have been their fault. Bill said he was going to go to Northeastern but his dad was transferred. Howard asked if his dad wanted him to be a dentist. Bill said his parents were cool about all of that. He said they didn't force anything on them. Bill said his dad moved to North Carolina so he had to transfer. He said he went to NC State and only got into 2 classes. He said he had to watch them on tape. He said the next semester he got into 2 more classes. He said that was a wasted year.
Howard said Bill went to summer school and he says that was a great training ground for being a comic. Bill said that he went in there thinking he was funny but he went there and it was like going from high school to college football. He said when he came back in September he was killing. He said in his sophomore year he got a D- and in his Junior year he went to summer school again. Howard asked if he was able to keep up with the assholes then. Bill said he wasn't. He said that the kids didn't think consequence. He said they just dealt with it. Howard said Bill thought things through while the other kids just dove in.
Bill said he was in class with a kid who had a mental issue and his teacher ended up swindling the kid's mother out of her house. He said this kid was mowing the lawn and he just poured a coke on the kid. He said he laughed so hard at that. He said he poured it down from 2 stories up and right on this mentally challenged guy's head. He said he was trying to hold it in during class. He said then there's a knock on the door and the guy comes up and says he just wants to say something. He said he saw the wet spot from the window and he said someone poured a Coke on him. Bill said the kid who did it just said he did it. He said the guy told him to come to the office with him. Bill said the guy took his punishment. He said he'd never have the balls to do that. He said he'd try to get out of it. He said he'd be getting emotional but this kid was beyond. Howard said that kid was Louis C.K.. Howard said he never looked at summer school that way. He said it's the biggest criminal minds and fuck ups. Bill said a lot of them were really smart too. He said they didn't have ADD back then. He said it was just being scatter brained.
Bill said that he unloaded trucks for a while and they had class clowns and drug addicts doing that job. He said that he loved that job and he'd still be doing it if it paid well. Howard said that's what it was like working in a restaurant. Bill said he did that too.
Bill said he worked in a place called the Sable Cafe in North Carolina. He said that it was gradually going out of business when he worked there. Bill said he had to mop up and clean out the bathrooms. He said one day his boss was brushing his teeth and puking at the same time. Bill said he tried to tell him later that sometimes he gags when he brushes his teeth. He said he figured it out years later that he was hung over. Bill said as his job went on he was a bus boy and then he was dish washing and then cooking and doing the rest of the stuff too. Bill said he'd take the food and out it in the window behind him. He said everyone else there was getting high and he'd watch them do it. Howard said it's like the Ocean's 11 of assholes. Bill said he still remembers one guy giving him shit one day. He said he was a jail guy so he didn't fight back.
Howard said Bill is doing really well now. He said it's quite remarkable that he beat the odds. Bill said he can't believe that he did. Howard said other kids must be blown away.
Howard asked if he was good on college radio. Bill said no way. He said that he was like Howard in Private Parts where the record skips. He said he had the 3am to 6am shift. He said he'd be asking for requests and one time he begged someone to call in and tell him they hate him. He said some guy called in and said he hated him. He said it turns out he was listening for the next girl to come on. He said she made that guy call in and apologize to him.
Howard said Bill does a routine about fucking your teacher and how it's okay but it's not good if you marry her. Bill didn't remember that one. He said he just forgets everything once he puts it into a special. Bill said that he loves the day after doing an hour long special. He said he will just do hack jokes the next day.
Howard asked how long it takes to do a new hour. Bill said it's like 2 years. He said he does the special and then starts all over. Howard said it must be tough to do that. Bill said he has 2 months to be able to run his yap for an hour and not worry about that. Bill said he goes to clubs and he tells people he's working out new shit. Bill said he has some stuff that he can use that will never make it into his specials.
Howard said Bill tried to work clean and then he figured out that working dirty was just as hard as working clean. Bill said that he used to watch Tom Papa do that. He said he'd kill working clan after all of the dirty guys had gone up. Bill said you can speak out about things and get into trouble too. He said that it will wipe a lot of subjects off the table if you work clean. Bill said he appreciates both of those. He said he did a gig for the California Highway Patrol. He said that you never know when you're going to fuck up so you can't know enough cops. He said he showed up and they were honoring a guy who died so there were kids in the crowd. He said he went up and did his thing clean and it worked. He said he did okay. Howard said that must be tough at a thing like that. Bill said it's hard to rattle the cops. Howard said it has to be hard to make them laugh though. bill said he got himself in the mindset and he saw the humor in it. He said if he bombed it would be a great story. He said if you go up and give a shit then you hang on too tight and he goes right down.
Howard said Bill says that the black audiences are the toughest because if you lose them you've lost them for good. Bill said the first joke is the one that you have to get right. He said the black crowds are going to have fun with or without you. He said they laugh with you or at you. Bill said you can feel like you fucked it up for your race if you fuck that up.
Howard asked Bill about his podcast. He said everyone is doing one. Howard asked if he can make money with it. Bill said it did turn into a money making thing. He did it for fun but now it's making money. He said he has advertisers. He said he's making a great living off of it now. He said anything else he did in life to make money has bombed. He said he never fit in until he did his second stand up act. He said he felt like he was in his demographic. Bill said he did a hell room and that's a bar where they don't know there's a show. He said they turn the game off and then you have to do your act.
Howard asked who he emulated in his first act. Bill said he remembers sitting down starting at a notebook not knowing what to do. He said he just started writing. He said he listened to Eddie Murphy and retelling those jokes. Howard asked what he had written down in his book. Bill said he had like 3 or 4 pages. He said he forgot everything he was going to say. He said he was going to do 5 minutes but he bailed after 3. He said he didn't tank though.
Howard asked who he stared out with. Bill said he was there when Dane Cook, Patrice O'Neill and guys like that were around. He said some of the guys go back to selling cars or being teachers. He said that you get jealous of those people in the middle of your career.
Bill said he was about 12 years into his career and he had nothing going on. He said he was watching everyone in the club and it hit him that he is that guy who doesn't make it. He said he had a panic attack. He said he was too young and immature to talk himself out of it. Bill said back in the day it was like an anchor around his neck. Howard asked if he ever went to a comic he respected to have him mentor him. Bill said he wishes he knew to do that. He said some people do that but you can only do that once. He said trying to talk someone back into their dream is exhausting. He said he'll only do it once. The second time he'll tell them that they should think about another career.
Howard asked what turned things around for Bill. Bill said he just had some lucky hits. He said he got on Howard's show a couple of times and things like that. Bill said there are some guys who are lucky and make it in their 40s. Howard said Eddie Murphy was only like 19. Bill said he's one of the most talented guys of the last 50 years.
Howard asked if he still talks to Chappelle. Bill said he does. He said that he saw him at the Charlie Murphy funeral. He said they have some of the best funerals. He said he got a great send off. He said that he was very happy that he did because he was an amazing person. He said he was just a great guy. Howard asked if there is pressure to kill in front of all of those guys. Bill said he hasn't done that yet. Bill said Patrice O'Neil's funeral was another one. He said he was a comic's comic. He said they never shut the fuck up. He said what's fun about the funerals is that the preacher thinks he has to be funny and that's a whole other comedy show in itself. Bill said it's weird. He said it's a fun night. He said you go in there thinking you don't want to cry in front of your friends. He said he does enjoy seeing the preacher getting some laughs and he's got the itch now.
Howard asked if Eddie spoke at his brother's funeral. Bill said this was the friend's funeral kind of thing so he didn't speak there.
Howard said Patrice got mad at him and he stopped coming on the show. Howard said he loved Patrice on the show. He said he got pissed because one day he was on the air and he was trying to compliment Patrice and he said ''That comedian... the fat black guy...'' and he wasn't able to remember his name. Howard said he was deeply offended by that. He said he didn't think of him that way but Patrice stopped doing the show. He said he was upset about that. He said he wishes they could have worked that out.
Bill said he thinks Patrice would have had a great angle on the Sandusky stuff. He said he died just before that came out. Bill said the hacks all live on. He said the great ones don't last. Howard asked if a lot of the comedians die from drug overdoses and stuff. He said it must be a tough life. Bill said it's not as bad as it was. He said there were a few of those.
Howard asked where he stands on the Kathy Griffin thing. Howard said Norm Macdonald had the best take on it. He said Norm had no idea what she was trying to do with that picture. Bill said you can't commit that hard and then get that upset.
Howard asked if it's a more sincere apology doing it without makeup. Bill said in Hollywood you're brave if you don't wear makeup. Bill said that he doesn't want to shit on another comic. He said that it's a badge of honor. Howard said the band GWAR said they were holding up bloody Trump heads and no one said a thing about it.
Howard said he thinks Bill Maher is a sincere guy and he's not a racist. Robin said he did say he's going to have a black panel on the show. Howard said he's glad that they didn't fire him at HBO. Bill said that he thinks that when you listen to rap in your car it's just singing along if you say the N-word. Bill said it's not up to him to say if he was right or wrong for saying that word. He said it's not up to two white guys to decide.
Howard said Bill is married to a black woman so what does she think about that. Bill said this isn't for him to talk about. He said he wouldn't have done it and he gets why people are upset about it. He said he's not sure if the way he did it was acceptable or not. He said it's not up to him. Howard said he was relying on him to tell him how to feel about it.
Howard asked Bill about learning to fly a helicopter and if he could fly him somewhere. Bill said he could. He said he rents them when he takes one out. He said that they have to do an overhaul after 2200 hours. He said you have to pay for that if you own one. Howard asked why he learned to fly one. Bill said he was getting into conspiracy theory around 2008 with the banks going down. He said no one gave a shit. Howard asked if he was buying rice and storing it. Bill said he had buckets of food and stuff. Bill said he was reading that stuff and living in L.A. and he was worried that things were going to collapse. He said he thought chaos was going to happen. He said he figured he had to get out of the city quickly so he learned to fly because of that. Howard said he took it one step further so he could get up and out of there as soon as possible. Bill said the big thing is ''where are you going?'' He said he didn't think it out. Howard asked where he is going if he gets out. Bill said he doesn't know. He said he was going to hover as long as he could and then land on a roof somewhere.
Howard said he told his wife that they were going to fly out of there if they had to get out of the city on 9/11 (He later said it was in 2003 during a blackout). Howard said he felt like he had to get out. Howard said the streets were packed. He said he called a helicopter and it was the last one out. Howard said he wasn't able to get a cab or anything. Howard said their dog was so fat it wasn't able to walk. He said he was carrying it and he was walking through the crowds. He said he got to the helipad and people were asking him to take them. Howard said he got on at the last moment and it was crazy and wild. Howard said Bill's plan works. Bill said he doesn't have a helicopter or a helipad. Robin said he has to be the last helicopter pilot so people will be looking for him.
Bill said learning to fly and doing it on your own is bad ass. He said that driving a car is way more dangerous. He said he has a license. He said your picture isn't on it but the Wright Brothers pictures are.
Howard said you have to be careful. He said look what happened to JFK Jr. Bill said he'd never do what he did. He said he'd never fly over the ocean at night.
Howard said Bill has the second season of ''F is for Family'' on Netflix. Howard said they're good. Howard said it's an animated series. Howard said it's tough to get one off the ground. Bill said he did some one camera shoot stuff and he figured that animation would be easy. He said he didn't think he'd have to deal with stuff. He said he didn't realize that when you start a show you don't know what people look like. He said it took like 6 weeks to come up with a look. He said it's awesome but it was way more work than he thought. He said that Mike Price from The Simpsons is there to keep him from freaking out. He said Mike has like 300 episodes under his belt. He said you don't think of the shit you have to think of in animation.
Howard said he had a cartoon in the works but it didn't end up working out for him. He said it was Howard Stern the High School Years. Bill said that sounds hilarious. Howard said it really is a lot of work.
Howard asked Bill if he's still a fan of his home town sports teams. Bill said he is. Howard said he thinks when you move to a different city you should be a fan of the team there. Bill said he would say Howard isn't really a sports fan then. Howard said he's right.
Howard asked Bill what he thinks about Tiger Woods and what's going on with him. Bill said he made him give a shit about golf. He said he got into the game and that's all he owed him. He said he doesn't care if he wants to go out and bang other chicks. He said he just cared about him hitting the ball in the hole. Bill said that they way he hit the ball so hard made people think his body would break down eventually.
Howard asked Bill how his marriage is. Bill said everything is good. He said he married someone who is stand up comedian funny. He said she's really cool. He said when he's wound up in the house she tells him to go out and do stand up. He said he knows he's a lot to live with. Howard said he thinks there has to be some anger in you to be a stand up. Bill said that might be right. He said one time his wife was going off on him and he deserved it. He said she told him what he needed to change. Bill said he just told her he was going to work on all of that in 2014. Then he asked her what she was going to work on. Howard said she must be perfect. Bill said she's not. He said she has a closet full of shoes. He said he grades how happy his relationship is by how many Amazon boxes show up on the UPS truck. He said things taper off when she's happy.
Howard said his wife is like that too. He said she buys more when she's mad at him. Bill said when they start delivering with drones down south it's going to be like skeet shooting with prizes. He said they'll be shooting them down and getting prizes. Howard said that's funny.
Howard said he's been there an hour already. Howard wrapped up and Bill said he'll see him again in another 15 years. Bill said Howard will be telling him the same stories in 15 years like he did today. He said he'll be telling him he was the only white kid in high school again.
Howard asked Bill about interviewing Jerry Seinfeld for some special. Bill said he was really nervous about that. He said he did some research and he watched Jerry commenting on the Kathy Griffin thing and he just said ''It's stupid. Who cares?'' He said he was so worried about the interview but it went great. Bill said he was so wrapped up in his own bullshit and Jerry was great. He said Jerry has been a great guy for the past 5 years he's gotten to know him.
Bill said he really loves the depiction of Howard's dad in his movie. Bill said that's what dads used to be. He said his dad would come in the front door and the kids would go out the back door. Howard said he knew his dad would yell at him through dinner. Bill said his dad would figure things out to yell at them about. He said he'd interrogate them until he found something to go off on them about.
Howard said his father would come home so tired and his mom would tell him that he didn't let her hit him to punish him. He said his dad would tell him to just let his mother hit him. He said he can't let someone just beat him like that. Bill said his father saved a paddle from college and that's what they'd use to spank them. He said they hid it in his parents mattress. Howard said he hid his mother's hanger and she used her hand. then she complained about her hand hurting and he got in trouble for that. He said it was crazy logic.
Howard said they heard about it all from Bill. Howard said they heard about him being abused as a child. Bill said he deserved every beating he got as a child. Bill said he once sprayed his brother with the hose through the window. He said he deserved it all. Bill said his mother had a brush handle that she broke that she used on them.
Howard gave Bill a plug for ''F is for Family'' and went to break a short time later. As they went to break they played some audio of Robin singing.
Robin said now they know who the guys are that are buying the buckets of food. She said it's that guy with the crazy voice they talked to earlier. Howard said that there are guys who are saving all of that stuff up.
Howard said it's time for news. They played Robin into it with a song parody. Howard took a call from a woman who said that Howard did it again with this interview. She said he makes people interesting. Howard said Bill is good. He said he's great. The caller said Howard has such good chemistry. Howard thanked her for the call. Howard said these calls are very few and far between.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said Bill Maher wasn't saying ''nigger.'' He said the first thing that came to him was that he's too good to work in the fields. He said he wouldn't have said that if the fields thing wasn't brought up. Howard didn't know how to respond to that. Howard said he doesn't know where they're going with this. King said he just wanted him to know why he said it. Howard said they all know that. He said they don't need an explanation. King said they have this show about Side Chicks who fuck with married men. He said that's going to be a great show. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go. Robin said he's been thinking too much.
Howard had Sour Shoes on the phone doing his King of All Blacks impression. Howard said he likes Sour King of All Blacks better. Sour was doing material about Moen faucets and Moen sneakers. Howard would try to hang up and Sour would suck him back in. Howard let him go a short time later.
Robin started her news with some Bill Maher news. Robin had some details about his show this week and the guests that he's going to have. Robin had a list of some of the guests they'll have on and they're going to have a bunch of black guests on.
Robin said she saw a picture of Ireland Baldwin in the paper the other day. Robin said she was wondering how Howard feels seeing a friend's daughter like that. Howard said he took a good look and felt like touching himself. He said he didn't think about Alec at all. He said nothing slows him down. Robin said maybe if he met her as a child it would have fucked him up. Howard said he didn't know her as a kid so his penis didn't skip a beat.
Robin asked what Howard would attach David Spade to if he had to. Howard said he did Saturday Night Live and movies with Chris Farley and sitcoms. Robin said she was reading a story and they say Saturday Night Live in the article. Robin said it's not clear what they should identify him with. Howard said he was on Saturday Night Live and on Heather Locklear. Howard said that's what someone told him anyway. Robin said David was robbed. She said his home was burglarized. Howard asked what the fuck is going on. Robin said David was robbed while he wasn't home. Robin said they stole a safe and there was about $80,000 worth of jewelry in there. Howard said he's never seen him even wear a ring. Robin said one thing was his mother's wedding band. Howard said maybe it was full of jewelry as a parting gift for all the girls who sleep with him. Howard said he doesn't have jewelry. Robin said a bunch of people have been robbed out there lately. Robin had a list of names of celebrities who were robbed.
Robin read a story about Walmart being sued by its insurers who settled with Tracy Morgan. Robin said they're saying that Tracy exaggerated his injuries to get more money. Robin said she thinks that's ridiculous. Howard said someone came up to him asking if Tracy got $90 million as a settlement. Howard said he just interviews the guy. He doesn't know. Robin said that they want to depose Tracy but he was in a coma for a while. Robin said his lawyers are saying they're making him a victim twice by doing this.
Robin read a story about George Clooney and his wife Amal having twins a couple of days ago. Robin said they're doing fine. Robin said George put out a statement saying he's sedated but he'll be fine in a couple of days.
Robin asked if the J-Lo and A-Rod thing is still going on. Howard didn't know. Robin said in the National Enquirer they're saying that A-Rod has sexted someone else. Howard said A-Rod is having a party so he doesn't need to be with J-Lo. Howard said he's been married and got out of that. He said J-Lo would be fun to bang but don't forget she has a shit load of kids. Robin said they were keeping it on the DL for a while but then they came out in public. Robin said they say he was befriending a fitness model. Howard said fitness models are so hot. He said they're perfect. Howard said A-Rod had to make up for where Clooney left off. Howard said Scott the Engineer would appreciate J-Lo. He did his Scott impression for a short time.
Robin read a story about Uber firing more than 20 employees over sexual harassment and other company policy violations. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard played a song parody that Fred did about Scott to the tune of a J-Lo song called ''Scott from the Block.''
Robin read a story about the Cosby trial that's going on. Robin had some details about what they're claiming Cosby did to these women. Robin said the stories are also saying that Phylicia Rashad isn't there. Robin said his real wife isn't even there. Howard said you can stop sending emails to him that he looks like the woman accuser. He said he gets it. Howard said he is no Andrea, he's Howard.
Robin said the news outlets are thrilled about James Comey coming to testify today. Howard said he had better have something good to say. He said there has to be something. Robin said they're all excited about this. Robin said Anderson Cooper had a preview of what Comey might say. Howard said they have to fill up 24 hours with something. Howard said he heard they're having viewing parties for this thing in Washington DC. Howard said Richard is going to be wearing a diaper so he doesn't miss a minute of it.
Robin read a story about the incidence of forcible touching on subways in the city is on the rise. Robin said she heard the other night one of the trains stopped and lost power and people were trapped inside. Robin said it was warm and dark so people must have gotten touched that day. Robin said they're looking at changing the law about that. Robin said maybe Brent could make a citizen's arrest. Howard said Benjy said someone groped his breasts. Both of them. Howard said imagine how that woman at the Cosby trial feels looking like him. He said she was already allegedly victimized. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read more about James Comey and how some pro-Trump ads may be running during the testimony. Robin had some audio of what those commercials are going to say. They were bad mouthing Comey. Howard said they must be afraid of something he knows. Howard asked if they're going to run these ads during his testimony. Robin said that music will make anything sound bad. Howard did his own commercial with the scary music playing in the background. Howard said he's never heard of anything like that. He's not running for any office.
Robin read a story about President Trump tweeting and how he's blocking people when he doesn't like them. Robin said people who are being blocked want to be unblocked. Howard said Gary follows Trump on Twitter. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about President Obama speaking in Canada and asking the world to come together. Robin read a few things that he was saying. Robin had some audio of Obama talking about Trump pulling out of the Paris agreement.
Robin read a story about Michelle Obama being in California and talking to the people at Apple. Robin had some audio of her speaking at this event.
Robin said they haven't done the top 5 lately and she doesn't know what's going on in music lately. Howard said Ed Sheeran is at number 5. Howard played Underdog Lady singing that. He had Kendrick Lamar at number 4. He had DJ Khalid at number 3 and Bruno Mars at number 2. Howard said number 1 is Despacito by Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee featuring Justin Bieber. Robin said she was wondering about that one. Howard had fake Caitlyn Jenner singing the two top songs.
Robin said Ariana Grande did a benefit show in Manchester England. Robin said she is releasing her cover of Somewhere Over the Rainbow that she performed there. Robin had a clip for Howard to play. Fred had clips of Robin screeching that he played over that song. Howard said he saw that performance and she was fully covered for that song. He said she can't look sexy for that one. Howard said you could barely even see her hands. Howard said he applauds her for doing that. He said it's a good cause. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.