Howard started the show talking about the ''Hey Ya'' song and wondering what happened to those guys. Howard said he just drank his Dunkin Donuts coffee but he increased the size of it. He said he got so hot he had to take off his sweater. He asked Gary what they call that size coffee. Jason said it's a medium. Howard said it's black with no sugar or milk. He said that his dad always said that wasn't coffee, that was milk. He said his parents would get so angry over coffee. He said he can't break their pattern. Robin said he should be the end of that. Howard said he's angry about coffee too. He said Beth's mom and aunt stayed with them for a few days and Beth's mom said she puts sugar in it. He said he told her that's candy. He said then she's not a coffee drinker. Howard said this is only because that's how his father carried on. Robin said that's like saying people shouldn't have mixed drinks. Howard said it only applies to coffee. He said his parents would be vicious about it. Robin said he hasn't fallen far from the tree. Howard said it's a curse. He said he wants to be different so he goes to a shrink. He said he's trying to break it.
Howard said he asked his dad about having it with lunch. He has 4 cups with lunch and nothing in the morning. Howard was doing impressions of his mom and dad talking about why they do that. Howard said it's fucking hysterical. He said he tries to find out how big the cup is but he can't get an answer. Howard said he can't hear him so he says ''What!?'' when he asks. Robin asked if they go to the same place to get it. Howard said it depends. He said that his mom will get up and go get it for his dad. He said his sister wonders why she waits on him like he's a little kid. Howard said at Thanksgiving she'll get up and get him his portion. Howard said he just sits there and waits. Howard said sometimes she'll wait to see if he'll get up on his own but he doesn't so she has to. Howard said his dad used to make the money in the family so she'd wait on him hand and foot. Howard said he asked her about it once and she doesn't mind it. He said she likes it. Robin said she has nothing else to do. Howard said his dad doesn't have anything to do either. He said you'd think he'd take it over.
Howard said these days the dads are busy holding the baby and no one is waiting on them. Howard said no one waits on him. He said he'll even serve his dad sometimes. He said his penis shrinks another 3 inches when he serves his dad. Robin said if you're doing it out of love then your penis shouldn't shrink. Howard said his dad was a good dude so why not. Howard said he's not going to let him starve to death.
Howard said he's not sure how they got into this. Robin said he was talking about his coffee. He said he was having small cups but he wanted to try a bigger one. Howard said he's not going to put milk in it though. He said his dad would freak out about that. He said it's drinking milk if you do that. He said his dad would go off on people about that. Robin said they're going to put every Barista out of business if they did that. Howard said they don't care about that. Howard said his dad is so hung up on that.
Howard said his mom would talk about going somewhere different and his dad would freak out. He wants to get the same thing. He did an impression of them talking about that. Howard said his dad would go ape shit if his mom wanted to look at the menu at a place they go to every week. Howard said he would tell his dad he wasn't going to look at the menu and just order what he ordered. Howard said his dad just wanted everyone to be perfect. He said his mom would fuck everything up and his dad would freak out. Howard said they'd ask what his mom wanted and his dad would be prepared to order. He said it was such pressure. He said his mom would go first and order two appetizers. Howard said happy father's day by the way.
Howard said his dad's head would explode when his mom would place her order. Howard said his dad would freak out and correct her. Howard said she'd get yelled at afterward. He said he'd lecture them in the car about how to order. He said you have to order your salad, entree and dessert. Howard did his impression of Ben placing his order. Howard said then he'd tell him to order even though his sister should have gone next. Howard said he would place his order and his dad would look at him like he was doing it all wrong. He said he'd correct his mom about her order.
Howard said his dad would tell them that they had to do it order or they'd mess up what they were writing. Howard said it bothered him that they were out of order. Howard said he's not sure why he cared. Robin said it seems like a lot ado about nothing. Howard said there was a lot of that.
Howard said his dad had never been to a restaurant in his life until he met his mom. He said his mom taught him everything and then he overtook her. Howard said it wasn't enjoyable going. Howard said it was like the world depended on it. He said if the world was out of order it was like a nuclear bomb would go off.
Robin asked if Ben likes restaurants that only serve one thing a day. Howard said he would. Howard said they used to go to a place called Vebrocks where they had chicken. Howard said this was Kentucky Fried Chicken before it was KFC. Howard said they weren't like a franchise yet. He said they would order this stuff and it was the same thing every time. Howard said his dad would order the same meal every time and he wanted them to all get the same thing. Howard said his mom would want eggs for dinner but he made her get chicken.
Howard said his dad found out about the KFC connection and then he read in the paper they were going public. He said he was going to double down and buy the stock. Howard said his mother asked who buys stock in chicken. Howard said his dad knew it was going to be huge. Howard said he didn't buy the stock. Robin said that's another time the ship passed them by. Howard said then KFC exploded and they would drive by and his dad would talk about how he was going to buy that stock. He said his mother wondered who buys chicken. Howard said she'd tell him he could have bought it if he wanted it. Howard said it was every minute with that KFC stock.
Howard said now he's the retirement fund. He said everyone is on the take now. He said that's why he has to show up to work every day. He said he should be retired but he has to help everyone out.
Howard said they managed to find 12 people who had never heard of what was going on with Cosby. He said imagine who those people are. Robin said he admitted to giving pills to women. Howard said after they announced the mistrial there was carrying on. Howard said you would have thought that Jell-O called and offered him a job. Howard said he's not innocent based on this. He said that the jurors were just deadlocked. Robin said that means some people wanted to convict him and someone didn't want to. Howard said he's sure if he called Gary or Wendy about this that they'd be able to make up their mind.
Howard said Cosby was leaving his trial and he was doing his Fat Albert voice. Howard played the clip of him doing that and said he's just a weirdo. Howard said he can't wait until they interview the jury. Howard said then Cosby has some PR person who came out and read a statement by his wife Camille. Howard said here's a clip of a woman reading that statement. Howard played that clip and the statement was criticizing the judge and the prosector. Howard said that's a good idea because the judge is the one who is going to decide if there's going to be another trial. Howard said this PR person isn't speaking the King's English. The woman was yelling like it was her own statement. Howard said just go home with your husband. Robin said just keep your mouth shut like she did during the whole marriage.
Howard had another clip of a PR guy saying that Cosby's power is back. Howard played that clip and said they were bringing up this Huey Newton guy who had to fight for his rights. He said this isn't like that. Howard played that clip and goofed on the things the guy was saying. The guy said that his legacy didn't go anywhere. The guy also told Gloria Allred to go back to class. Howard said they all think he got his power back from this. He said everyone is crowing. He said just shut up. Robin said the prosecution wants another trial. Howard said just don't make a statement. He said they're lucky. He said some fucking moron on the jury couldn't figure it out. Howard said that was kind of weird.
Howard said everything seems kind of dark and angry in our world. Howard said the only wholesome thing that happened was their mommy kitten gave birth yesterday. He said it was fucking awesome. Robin said she thought he was going to talk about Jay Z and Beyonce. Howard said no one cares about that. Howard said they video taped the birth of the kittens. Howard said they're carrying on about Beyonce. He said he honestly doesn't give a fuck. Robin said they make such a big deal about the celebrity stuff like that. Robin said they were also carrying on about Jessica Chastain getting married. Howard said he didn't know that. Robin said no one was making a big deal out of it. Howard said she was good in that ''Hurt Locker'' movie. Robin said no one was even talking about her wedding and she was telling people to stop distributing pictures because they were going to put out their own.
Howard said they had babies in the house and he thought he was going to miss the birth. He said he was getting ready to go back to the city and he saw two of them. He said there were two more. Robin said they don't look like cats when they're born. Howard said it was awesome. They video recorded all of it. Howard said it was really moving. He said it was really cool to see. He said the cat knew what to do. He said they were being cleaned and being born and the mom was eating the placenta and all of that. Robin wondered why humans don't know what to do. Howard said he felt bad when the kitten was kind of crying when the baby was coming out. He said that they just know what to do. He said that's what his mom should have done. He said she should have eaten the placenta and licked him clean.
Howard asked Jeff the Drunk who is on the show today. He had a clip of Jeff saying they have Seth Rogen coming in today. Then he smoked some weed and coughed like he was dying. Howard said Jeff is at his best when he's choking on his won phlegm.
Howard said Cosby thinks he's innocent now. Howard said he just got away with something so quiet down. He said be smart about it and just quiet down. Howard said it's unbelievable.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was on a trial for child molestation and it was 6 weeks and a no brainier for him. He said there was one woman who felt sorry for this guy and didn't want to convict him. He said she didn't want to believe that it happened. He said they were sequestered and they were out of work for 6 weeks. He said that he wanted to convince her. He said there was no way he was going to let this woman off the hook. He said they had to do a prayer circle to convince her. He said it was just one person.
Howard said you see someone sitting there and think they can't hurt a fly. Howard said people think they can't do it to a person because they don't want to send someone off to prison for their life. Howard said a lot of times cops used to just shoot a guy. He said they know that the trial isn't going to work. Howard said the jury system is fine except for these idiots who can't get their shit together.
Robin said everyone lies in the court. she said that it's all about whose lies you're going to believe.
The caller told Howard more about the case he was involved with and how he tried to convince that woman the guy was guilty. The guy said that he finally convinced her. Howard said he has to go. The caller was starting to tell the story again so Howard had to let him go.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said they have Seth Rogen coming in later. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he realizes that his audience would like a jacket or something but he doesn't know. He said he thinks it's hipper to just calm the fuck down. Howard said this guy P Diddy just made $135 million with his clothing line though. He said good for him but his main focus is just entertaining his audience.
Howard said you don't need to get every penny out of your audience. He said some people are like that. Robin said that's like Kim Kardashian. She doesn't really have anything else. Howard said she's just a reality star. Howard said she's not making anyone laugh. He said girls are just watching her to see what she's wearing. Howard said he's doing well enough in life that he doesn't have to get every penny out of your pocket.
Howard said he was sitting and listening to music this weekend and he got into Collective Soul's ''Heavy.'' Howard had Fred pull the song up but he already had it. Howard played the song and talked it up. Howard said this song speaks to him. He said he gets the chills when he hears the lyrics about ''All your weight, it falls on me and brings me down.'' He said that he thinks about one person who does that to him. Howard said you should play this before you go to your psychiatrist.
Howard said these guys are awesome. He asked if they still do their thing. He said he was painting and listening to this and then he had to listen to it like 500 times. Robin said she's listening to it and it doesn't sound like it was written to be up tempo. Howard said he doesn't think it was. Fred said they're still touring and they have a new album. Howard said he should have them in to perform this song all morning long. He said he'd like to hear an acoustic version of the song.
Howard said the guys said they performed on the show at least 3 times. Howard said he can't remember them being on the show. Howard said he must have Alzheimer's. He said that he must have been out. Robin said it looks like him. Howard said he doesn't even remember that. They didn't perform that song. Fred said they did ''December'' and ''Shine.'' Howard said no one knows them individually. He said that's the problem. Robin said very few bands are like that. Howard said he knows Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam but no one else. Howard said he should know these guys. He said he met them 3 times. Howard said they have an image problem. He played ''Heavy'' again. He said he can't even remember the lyrics. Howard said he has to talk to his shrink about that later. Fred said they performed 3 songs on the show. Howard said they should come in and perform ''Heavy' so he can sob on the air. Robin said she'd like to hear the origin of that song.
Howard said he went into Chickenfoot ''Oh Yeah'' over the weekend. He said he likes that song too. He said he was really jamming out. He said the name of the band isn't good but the song is great. Howard said he doesn't want to think about a chicken's foot.
Howard said he gets into bed and watches TV for a couple of hours. Howard said he was reading about how a man has to ejaculate 27 times a month to avoid prostate cancer. Howard said he figured he has to do that more often. He said that's not a real chore. He said Beth can't be expected to do that so often. He said he doesn't want to put her through that. He said he'll do it 2-3 times a week at the most. He said nothing gives him more pleasure but he'll give her a break. Howard said he put on the porn around 6 and then he beats off as rapidly as he can. He said then he gets in bed and watches some TV until he passes out.
Howard said he was watching a porn where this woman has a step brother that she blows. Howard said she had a great ass. Howard explained what happened in the video and how the parents come home. Howard said the next day she comes down and the guy is going out and she says he owes her a favor for blowing him. She tells him he has to go down on her. She lays on the steps and the guy goes down on her. Howard said then the next day... Robin said she thought he only watched for 3 minutes. He said he may have watched more than that. Howard said in the video the next day the woman is fucking the guy while he's sleeping. Howard said the guy thinks it's wrong. Howard said he blew his load and he's not sure how it ends.
Howard said he put on Family Feud and he thought Steve Harvey was really good with it. Howard said he remembers that Robin read a story about how he doesn't want his staff looking at him at the show. Howard said he hosts more than one game show. Howard said he has some other show he does during the day. He said the guy is stressed out. Howard said he hosts some show called Thunderdome or something. Robin said he has Little Big Shots too. Howard said apparently no one else can host a show. He said that he must be having a breakdown from all of the work. Howard said he's cutting him some slack now that he knows how much he's doing.
Howard said they had the woman from ''This is Us'' as one of the families on Family Feud. Howard said Steve Harvey is really good at keeping the show moving. Robin said she has watched the regular families and he just keeps going. Howard said he's not busy shaking hands or anything like that. Howard said they just get to the game.
Howard said there's another show with a guy who looks 10 years old. He said he contacts the dead. Howard said he's on E!. Howard said he built that network and they put this kid on. Howard said he looks like Steve Ducy's kid. Howard said this guy gets a bunch of B-list celebrities on the show and they do the typical psychic thing where they say they're getting a vibe. Howard said he wants to throw his shoe through the TV. Robin said she thinks his name is Tyler Henry. Howard said the guy is so full of shit. He said he's not sure why most of these people are women or feminine guys. Howard said this guy says he's sensing a letter A so it could be a car accident or someone named with an A name. Howard said he wants everyone who is a psychic out of the country. He said send them to Poland or somewhere.
Robin said in some restaurants they have psychics and they go from table to table reading people. Robin said that they had one of these going on and a car comes flying through the window. Howard said that was him. He said if you're a psychic and you work in a restaurant, don't bother him. He said it's a line of horse shit. Gary said this kid is getting a lot of attention because he apparently predicted Allan Thicke's heart problem. Howard said the guy was an older guy so of course there could be a heart issue. Howard said anyone over 70 could have a heart issue. Howard asked ''What the fuck?'' Gary said he just watched the video and he did say he sees heart issues in the family.
Howard said the psychic thing was all debunked by Houdini and the Amazing Randy. He said he sees Fred getting hungry later today. He said he also sees him getting ill sometime within the next 20 years. Howard said he sees Fred taking a humongous dump this week. Fred said that already happened. Howard said he sees it happening again.
Howard said he's not sure how anyone watches that shit. He said he was making him crazy on Wednesday night. He said he watched Steve Harvey for the whole hour. Howard said he went to bed after watching the psychic kid for a minute.
Howard said at 10:20 he woke up thinking they were under attack. Howard said they had fireworks going on. He said there was no holiday that day. He said there are people with kids and they have to go to school or work the next day. Howard said he thought there was an attack going on. He said it takes him so long to fall asleep. He said once he's up he's awake. Howard said he felt like it was a personal attack on him. He said it was from 10:20 to 10:40 at night. Howard said no one can sleep.
Howard got a note saying it was the NY Philharmonic in the park. Howard said how dare you. He said they don't need that shit. Howard said they probably have to set it off because everyone sleeps through their performance. Howard said it sounded like World War III when he heard it. Robin said she would imagine so. Howard said he wishes they would all retire in the NY Philharmonic. Howard said he missed Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Robin said we must support the arts. Howard said that's not art. He said a few nights in Syria is less noisy.
Howard said he wants to stand outside these people's homes with a gong and wake them up at night. Howard said why not put the whole Philharmonic in a cannon and fire them out. Howard said it was nuts. He asked who makes these decisions. Howard said there are people who live in that area. Robin said people who live there pretend there is no traffic or other people. Howard said Collective Soul doesn't have to put out fireworks. He said they have that song ''Heavy.'' Robin said they have to get people to come out somehow. They light off fireworks to get people there. Howard said he was so pissed about that. He said he was trying to get back to sleep. Howard said it was a work night. He said he can't be the only person asleep at 10:30 at night.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is like vintage Stern. He said there are 12 million other people there in the city. Howard said of course its about him. He said that he wants to come to his house at 11pm and ring his bell to wake him up. He said he'll light fireworks off out there. The caller was laughing and saying this is classic. Howard hung up on him.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who said they were the president of fireworks. He said they're going to do it from 9pm to 3am tonight in the park. Howard said it's good that he'll be in Jersey lighting them off at that caller's house then.
Howard said he hates fireworks with a passion. He said there are so many beautiful things to look at and fireworks aren't that pretty. He said it's a bunch of adults sitting around watching. Robin said it's lovely. Howard went to break after doing a live commercial read.
Howard said Gary loves the Mets and he likes to perform. He said he asked him why he would do this again. He said it can only go wrong. Robin said she remembers his anxiety over the whole thing. Howard said he was all nervous. Howard played a Baba Booey song parody. Howard said he likes that he was a little league coach teaching kids how to throw.
Howard said there were a bunch of clips of guys goofing on Gary about his pitch. He said he thought he had it in the computer. JD said he'll find it. Howard said he'll move on. Howard said it's just funny that a kid who is handicapped can throw better than Gary.
Howard read some email and said they got a lot about last week's shows and about the upcoming Cocktober celebration they'll be doing in October. Howard said they have a bunch of things planned for the month. Howard said someone wrote in about how there's too much dick on the show lately. Howard said a woman says she's missing the naked women they used to have on the show. Howard said she asked him to get back to his roots.
Howard had the clip of a guy talking about Gary on the CW 11 news. Howard played that clip and the sports announcer was calling a game and then mentioned Gary's pitch. Howard said that happened 8 years ago and they're still making fun of Gary. He said it's the worst idea for him to go pitch. Howard said it's terrible. Robin said he was trying to get famous and that's the thing he's famous for. Howard said he's doing so many things trying to get noticed but he goes out and brings shame to the show. Howard said he's busy doing everything but producing the show.
Howard read more email and people were writing in about the ''50 Ways to Cut Your Cock Off'' song parody that they had fake Caitlyn Jenner singing. Howard said he has another one from her called ''I Want a New Muff'' that he played. Howard said there's a lot of new ones from Caitlyn coming down the pipeline.
Howard said Tommy from Malden has no support from the audience. Howard read some of the negative feedback they got about Tommy about last week's ban. Howard said they want him banned from the show.
Howard said that Steve from Florida got some feedback too. Howard read through some of that and said they don't want him getting his name back. Steve said he's on his way to New York tomorrow. Howard said they thought they'd give it back to him if he walked around the block in his underwear.
Howard read some of the email about Steve and someone was thinking that he didn't go on the Jimmy Fallon ride that he called in about last week. Steve said he did go on it. He said he went on a hurricane simulator and he lost his hair piece. Steve said his hair almost came off. Howard said that would be a good ad. Steve said he was doing Periscope with a live alligator over the weekend. He said he has a new hair piece that's darker but with more grey in it. Howard said he'll have to check that out. Howard said that's not going to make it look any more real having the grey in it. Robin said his aging made him bald. Howard played a song parody about Steve from Florida.
Howard said he has to go. Steve asked if Howard saw the Megyn Kelly special last night. Howard said he didn't but he does know about it.
Howard played a clip of Steve leaving a voicemail about how he wanted to ''pay umbrage'' to him. Howard said he's not sure what he was going for. Fred said maybe it was homage. Howard said Steve left a long message about how he saved his life and all of this stuff.
Shuli came in and told Howard that he was pretty much the cause of Bobo's first divorce. He said Steve ended up splitting with her because he was so obsessed with the show.
Howard played more of Steve's message where he was just about in tears talking about that stuff. Steve was rambling about Kim Jong Un and things like that in the message too. Steve said they're at ''Depcon 3'' right now. Howard said that must a Johnny Depp thing with Depcon. Howard said he didn't know this was Steve talking to Shuli.
Howard played more of Steve talking to Shuli about how we're on high alert with North Korea. He said he's trapped down in Florida with his family. Howard played another song parody about Steve.
Howard played more of the conversation Megyn had with Alex before they did the interview. Megyn was claiming this wasn't going to be a hit piece. Howard said how about this guy taping her. Howard said he's never going to have a private conversation with him. Howard took a call from fake Alex Jones who said he taped her in the bathroom too. He said he had a GoPro right by her asshole in the bathroom.
Howard said Megyn is begging him to go on the air. He said he'd just go on without her begging. Howard played more of the private conversation tape. Howard said he finds this whole thing fascinating. Robin said she's desperate to have Alex Jones on the show. Howard said the people of Newtown are pissed about him denying that the whole thing happened. Howard said all he knows is that he didn't answer one question in the interview he did with Megyn.
Howard played a clip of Megyn asking Alex about the Newtown incident and how Alex didn't believe it was real. Alex said he did some research and thought it was a hoax but now he thinks it was real after doing more research.
Howard played more of the audio of Alex talking about the footage he's seen and how it looked like a drill to him.
Howard said he read some reviews where they said she was a lightweight and some where they said she did a good job. Howard said he's not sure that it deserves that much attention.
Howard said they've had Alex on the show twice and he didn't sound like that. He said he's not sure what's happening. He said the whole world seems lost and dark. He said Alex was one of those goofy guys you don't pay much attention to but then Trump gave him press credentials and now this is going on. Gary said he sort of played that down in the interview. He said he's trying to act like he's not that close with Trump but he is. Howard said he has to take a break. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard came back and said Seth Rogen is there. He said Seth is promoting the second season of Preacher that's airing this Sunday on AMC. Seth was wondering where they microphone was. Howard said it's in the headset like it's always been. Seth said he's used to a regular microphone. Howard asked if he lost some weight. Seth said he may have.
Howard asked why Seth has an N on his cap. Seth said it's for a company named Norse. He said someone asked if he was from Nebraska the other day. Howard said he never knows what he's going to look like when he walks in. Seth said he shaved 2 days ago and he looks so much better with a beard. He said he shaved for a TV show he was doing. He regrets agreeing to shaving it off.
Howard asked if Seth is asked to do a lot of stuff. Seth said he did ''Drunk History'' and it's a show where they have drunk people explain famous historical events and actors reenact it to the word of the drunk people's explanation. Seth said he played a character in it. He said you have to lip sync perfectly to the scene. He said it's pretty challenging but it's pretty funny. Howard asked if he gets paid. Seth said he gets scale. Howard said last time he was in there he was promoting Sausage Party that did very well. Seth said thank god for that. He said they worked hard on that movie. He said it was almost 10 years from the time they started it until it came out. Seth said he's still so happy and appreciative that it was received well. He said he would have been really bummed out if it hadn't done well.
Seth asked if there's reviews of radio shows like there is for movies. Howard said the first 25 years of his career there were newspaper reporters who did radio reviews and there were some who loved him but then he got real famous in New York and the press was brutal. Howard said they just said he sucks and he's a flash in the pan and all of that. Howard said he thought he must really blow. Seth said it does get to you. He said he wishes it didn't but it really does.
Seth said Sausage Party got the best reviews of any movie he's done. He said that you just never know what's going to happen. He said there have been times when they look at each other and they think that they're just not going to like it. Seth said that it does get to him. He said there are good ones and bad ones. Seth said he's pretty happy with everything they do generally.
Howard said that what did in the movie Fartman was the reviews. He said JF Laughton wrote it for him and he figured he can't do that as his first movie. Howard said he knew that they were going to hate it. He said they won't get it. Howard said he went off and did Private Parts instead. Howard said it gets to you thinking about what the critics are going to think. Seth said sometimes the critics don't know that they are stopping the creative process in some way. He said maybe that's what they want. Seth said sometimes you read the reviews and it feels personal.
Howard said a woman reviewed his pay per view event and she hadn't even watched it. Howard said she admitted to reviewing something she hadn't seen. Howard said it was crazy that she admitted to not watching it. Seth said that's really fucked up. Seth said it is hard to believe that they watch all of these movies. Seth said he's not sure it matters. Howard said critics can ruin a movie.
Howard said the best is that guy who reviewed Sgt. Peppers 50 years ago and said it was awful. He said he wrote for the NY Times and said it was the worst album. Seth said there are a lot of reviews online where you don't know when the reviews came out. He said it kind of makes you not have context sometimes. He said he bets there are a lot of movies that were regarded as shit when they came out but then over time they see they were genius.
Howard said there's a lot of access to people now too. He said back when he did radio he was Twitter. He said he controlled the conversation.
Howard asked Seth what's going on with him and Rob Schneider. Seth said he just saw that he blocked him. Howard said Seth is on Twitter and he was following Rob. Seth said he wasn't following him but he saw that he was tagged in a conversation with Rob Schneider and he saw that he was blocked. He said he didn't actually give a shit. He said Shia LaBeouf has also blocked him. He said he doesn't give a shit that Rob blocked him. Howard said some guy on the chess site he's on blocked him. He said he's not sure why that is. He said it bothers him.
Howard said maybe it was politics that got Rob to block him. Seth said he's not sure what it was. He said that Rob has unblocked him but he doesn't want to follow or read his tweets. He said he just took it personally but he thought it was funny for some reason. Howard said then it becomes public when they write back and forth. Seth said Rob wrote to him but he didn't write back. Howard said you'd think Rob would want to be on his side because he can put him in movies. Seth said you need guys like that to remind you of where you came from.
Howard asked Seth about Sony and how they're making movies clean now. Howard had a clip from ''Pineapple Express'' where they changed the word asshole to ''casserole.'' Howard said that's crazy. Seth said that is him and Franco. He said they were amazed that they were going to put it on TV so they went in and recorded it. He said that's why it was so funny to them. He said it was so surreal and bizarre that they were making a movie that makes no sense. He said it was a weird joke to them. He said it made no sense to them. He said they acted it so intensely.
Howard said Seth went on Twitter and asked Sony not to put that movie out. Howard said he took the tweet down. Seth said he didn't take it down. He said he wouldn't do that. Howard said they weren't able to find it. Howard asked what happens when he complains. Seth said he just said it on Twitter and then he read that Sony wasn't going to do that to their movies. He said he just wanted them not to do that to his movies. He didn't mean it about other people's movies. He said if they don't mind then it's fine but he minds. Seth said Sony didn't ask permission to do it to other people's movies. He said it's against the contract to do that.
Howard said they used to bleep it but not anymore. Seth said that they had 'The Interview' on TV the other day and no one gives a fuck that they were going to bomb theaters over it. Howard said Kim Jong Un doesn't even care. Seth said it shows how fast something goes from being incendiary to putting adult diaper commercials in the middle of it on TV. Howard said Seth had to get a bodyguard over that movie. He said the movie wasn't seen because of that. Seth said Google just announced that's the most downloaded movie ever on their Google Play store. Seth said he thinks it would have done well if that whole thing hadn't happened. Seth said he's at peace with it. He said that it was so brutal that it kind of zen'd him out a bit. Seth said that it caused a international incident. He said that it didn't even come out after he did the promotion.
Howard said they pulled it from the theaters. Seth said it came out in a few independent theaters. He said all of the chains pulled it. He said they buckled. Seth said they kept saying that it wasn't going to be pulled but then they did it anyway.
Seth said they were working on Sausage Party while that whole thing was going on with ''the Interview.'' He said they were thinking about pulling back a bit with that.
Seth said things are just crazy now. Howard said he misses the old days when things were easier. He said they used to be able to do R rated movies and not worry about that stuff.
Seth said that he thinks about his favorite moments in theater wondering how they did this and how the fuck they were allowed to do it. He said they took a real risk.
Seth said they work at the Sony lot and people are leaving there. He said that he thinks they got people fired. Seth said they're still there and the executives are leaving. Seth said people see them there and ask if they're really still there.
Howard said Seth met his partner in Bar Mitzvah class. They wrote ''Superbad'' at 13 years old. Howard asked how many people can say that.
Howard asked Seth how old he was when he came into this country and he came through the border and he was asked if he had any fruit or guns and he was like 4 or 5. Seth said ''We have a banana and we're not afraid to use it.'' He said he got solid laughs with that. He said he remembers his parents being fans of comedy when he was growing up. He said these days you can see stand up comedy all over. He said when he was growing up it wasn't so easy. He said you can watch it all now. Seth said his parents would rent stand up comedy specials. He said he got to see all of that. He said he was subjected to comedy more than other kids because it was so hard to see. Howard said it's like porn. Seth said they used to get Eddie Murphy stuff and pass it around with friends.
Seth said that there are things of him online now that he didn't even know existed. Howard said he found his first porn when he was a kid and he picked it up off the ground. Seth said the first porn he found was when he was in Chinatown in Toronto and he saw in the gutter some porno magazine in a pile. He said it was a pulpy pile that he reached into and shoved into his pocket. He said he laid it out on his bed to dry out. He said it was like the Dead Sea scrolls. Seth said that he swears to god that he still remembers. He said it was the last 6 pages of a porno magazine. He said each page had like 8 naked women on it. He said it was so memorable to him that he could pick it out of a line up if you had it. He said that he remembers all of the ads in there. He said the image of it is so affixed in his head. He said that's the first woman he jerked off to. He said he thought something was wrong when he did it. He said he didn't know what was going on.
Howard asked Seth about when he sold his first script. Seth said he was like 23 or 24. He said he worked on it and had hundreds of versions but it was just fine tuning. Howard said that had to give him confidence to get that sold. Seth said it did eventually. Seth said that he moved to L.A. when he was like 17. He said he dropped out of high school when he was in 11th grade. Howard asked if his parents cared. Seth said not really. He said he was making okay money from doing what he was doing.
Howard asked Seth about going to a strip club in Vancouver with his partner Evan and he threw up on him. Seth said that they were shit faced. He said Evan threw up on him. He said they were in a pick up truck and Evan was in the middle and they were driving and Evan turned and threw up on him. He said that there's a scene in Superbad where that happens and it was inspired by that evening.
Howard asked Seth if his mom is on Twitter. Seth said she is. He said at first it was horrifying but then she found her medium and it's working. He said she's funny and she has a lot of followers. Seth said that he didn't know she was funny when he was growing up. Seth said she read Superbad when he was really young. He said there's a joke where this kid is using a fake ID the whole movie and the cops catch him and think he's with an underage girl so he's arrested. He said his mom came up with that joke. Hard said that's funny. Howard said that's pretty cool. Seth said his mom pitched a great statutory rape joke.
Howard said Seth asked Trump's son to ask his dad to resign. Howard said that would be great if he had actually done that. Seth said that the state of the media is horrifying at this point. Howard said he made news with that. Seth said that there are other things to worry about and he's shocked when something like that makes the news.
Howard said he took a day off and people thought he was dying. He said that he just took a day off. Seth said Howard is news. Howard said they were saying he was divorcing because he was off.
Howard asked Seth about vaping and smoking and what he thinks. Seth said he doesn't generally vape. He said it gets him a weird high that he doesn't quite understand. He said there is a difference. He said that if he vapes he feels different. He said it's not the same thing.
Howard said he understands smoking a joint. He asked what the vape is. Seth said most people think it's an oil or an extract. He said you can use the weed and vaporize it. He said they sell things that heat up to a point. He said they think that fire makes it hotter than it needs to be. He said you can potentially bring it to a heat that they think is more unhealthy. He said it can do more harm to you. Seth said he doesn't trust the stuff that they sell because it's not regulated. He said he has no idea what the stuff is. Seth said that he doesn't know what the fuck it is so he doesn't like doing it.
Howard asked Seth about edibles. Seth said he thinks they're too strong. He said he was talking to Snoop about that. He said he doesn't do them because they don't have an off button. Howard asked where he saw Snoop that he had this conversation. Seth said he has done his podcast and other stuff with him. He said he also headlined his Alzheimer's event.
Seth said he took an edible when he went to see Rogue One and it was really strong. He said that he thought it was really intense and he had to drive home from that and he was freaking out. He said he had a high heart rate and all of that. He said he was just freaking out.
Howard asked if he's high this morning. Seth said he is a little bit. Seth said he isn't so high right now. He said sometimes entertainment journalists have a high level of energy that he has to bring them down. He said he wants them to chill out.
Howard said that a couple of screen writers said they wrote a script and put Seth and Evan's name on it and it made the rounds because their names were on it. Howard said they had a cover page with a fake email address and all of this. Howard said when they found out about it they said they had nothing to do with it. Howard asked if they have talked to these guys. Seth said he found out about it because Phil Lord and Chris Miller had emailed him about it. He said they asked if it was his and they were the only ones who suspected something was weird about it. Seth said the movie wasn't their writing. He said they have a distinct way of writing and this wasn't their stuff. He said he thinks they were hoping to get a break into Hollywood this way. Howard asked if he was totally pissed. Seth said no. He said that it came out it wasn't theirs. He said he gets it because it's hard to break into Hollywood.
Howard said Seth's show Preacher is coming back for the second season on Sunday. Howard asked how he got the rights to the comic. Seth told Howard how that all came about. He said he thinks it was expensive to get the rights. Seth said they were trying to make it happen for years but things kept falling apart. Seth said after all of the other options the guy came to them. Howard asked how they helped him and got him the job. Seth said they found a guy to write it with. He said he was a Breaking Bad writer and they met and really liked him. Seth said that he runs the show on a day to day basis. He said they collaborate with him. He said they did the first two episodes of the season together and the first two of the second season. Seth said they like to try to push the style of the show. Seth said they shot two episodes in about 6 weeks. He said it was like 20 days of shooting.
Howard asked why it takes so long to shoot a movie when they can do a TV show in a shorter time. Seth said they move TV at speed. He said some shows are inflating to movie schedules. Howard said it must be nice to be able to rush things along and just get them done.
Howard said this guy must be thrilled that this is being made and put on TV. Seth said this guy had no faith that they were going to do it. He said they were like the millionth assholes to do this. Howard said they made it happen. Seth said it was a very funny comic. He said it's very serious but it also has a lot of deranged comedy in it.
Howard asked if Seth has had actors stay in character like Daniel Day Lewis. Seth said there's a movie called The Room that they made a movie about the making of that movie. He said James Franco plays the director of The Room in the movie of the making of that movie. He said that Franco stayed in character for that. Seth said Franco directed the movie in character. He said he was in prosthetic makeup the whole time too. Howard asked if he talked to him about that. Seth said he could not talk to him because he was breaking up every time. He said it wasn't full on so he could still talk to him about Franco but he'd stay in character.
Howard said that he thought the movie wasn't going to be released because the trailers disappeared. Seth said it was bought by A24 so they're going to handle all of that stuff. He said it should be out later this year.
Howard said Seth is doing a movie now. Seth said that one is going to wrap this week. He has another movie he's doing later this year with Charlize Theron too. Seth said it takes a while to get used to talking to her because she's so attractive. He said it's like being around someone who has a horrible birth defect. Howard said he'd think he'd be staring at her and it wouldn't be nice. He said she's beautiful. Seth said it's hard to believe they're the same thing.
Howard said Seth is very productive for someone who smokes weed so much. Seth said some people try to separate things and make it different times of day for different things. Seth said he decided to just make it one thing. Seth said that there are people who don't smoke weed all day. He said that there are times when he won't do it. Seth said there are people who are miserable all day because they're not doing what they want to. Seth said he would have a job as a writer and he'd just smoke weed. Seth said he can deal with it.
Howard said he could kind of tell that Seth was high today. He said he came in and he was fine though. Seth said he thought there was a phantom microphone that he didn't see. Howard said if he didn't smoke then he'd be all bummed out.
Howard asked Seth if he's ever thought about not smoking for a month or something. Seth said he won't smoke in countries where he might get killed for doing it. He said that he has gone long chunks of time without it but he can get through it. Robin asked if Seth thinks it's an addiction. Seth said he thinks that there are thousands of things that you can get addicted to. He said he used to drink 20 cups of coffee a day. He said now it's maybe 4. Howard said it's funny that he restricts coffee but not weed.
Howard asked Seth if he would choose sex or weed if he had to pick just one for a month. Seth said he'd pick sex. Howard asked if his wife has asked him to stop. Seth said she hasn't. Howard said it's great that he can do that. Seth said weed has gotten really strong. He said if Howard wanted to do it he just has to buy the shittiest weed. Howard said he is like a genius when it comes to weed. Howard said his last experience was like 20 years ago. He said someone had to carry him back to his hotel room. He said he was so fucked up. Howard said he tried it in Mexico once and it was too strong. He said his wife said he sat outside all night letting mosquitos bite him. He said he used to get shitty weed when he was in high school. Seth said there is shitty stuff out there that he needs. He said he can still get it. Howard said he has to get that.
Howard gave Seth some plugs for his show Preacher that's on AMC this Sunday night. Howard spent a minute talking to him about what it's about this season. Howard said last season was more of a prequel. Seth said now it's more active and more like the comic book this season. Seth said he has gone out promoting stuff that he didn't like in the past but now he's doing stuff that he really likes and it's good. He said he thinks this is different than anything else on TV right now. He said there are more snows on TV than any time in history and it's genuinely unique. He said you won't see anything like it.
Howard said he's not sure when he'll see him again. Seth said maybe he and Franco will come back together. Howard said he once found some stuff they thought was weed but it turned out to be something he can't remember the name of. Howard said he'll just smoke that and pretend to be high. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard said that he should just start news. He played Robin into her news with a song parody that fake Seth Rogen did about her.
Robin started her news with a story about how they're trying to legalize marijuana in New Jersey. Robin had some details about that. Robin said Howard has been trying to find ways to get high on pot. Howard said the idea of it is nice but he doesn't think he'd want smoke in his lungs at this point. He said the idea of doing it with friends is what he likes.
Robin read a story about Dennis Rodman and how he just got back from North Korea and he's promoting a t-shirt that says ''Ambassador Rodman.'' Howard said there's a product that can't miss. Howard said someone must have put up money for that. He said he hates to say it but it's not going to sell. He said that he doesn't think they'd buy that product.
Robin read a story about Carrie Fisher's autopsy and how they say she died as a result of sleep apnea complications. Robin said that's when you stop breathing when you're sleeping. Robin said they say that played a large role in her death. Howard said Gary has a bad case of that back in the office. He said he was sleeping during the show. Robin said he wasn't not breathing. Howard said he thinks he wasn't. Howard said JD has Sleep Paralysis. JD said you wake up in your head and you can't move your body when that happens. He said he's had that for a few years. Howard asked if it was since he started there or before. JD said it might have been before. He said it's been years. Howard said it's like his talking because only mumbling comes out. Howard asked how often it happens. JD said it's here and there. He said it's maybe 20 times a year. Howard said he's sleeping but then he's awake but he can't move. JD said he can barely breathe too. JD said he diagnosed himself based on the symptoms. Robin asked if there's a cure. JD said not that he knows of. Howard said if he had that he'd go to the doctor. He said it doesn't sound right. Robin said there are these things called a CPAP machine that keeps you from dying from sleep apnea. Howard said he wears a sleep mask when he's with Beth. He said she enjoys that.
Robin read a story about this guy who meets with women and gives them sperm. Robin said he's fathered a lot of children because of that. Robin said most of the time he'll meet them in a Starbucks or a Target and jerk off and give them the sperm in a cup or test tube. Robin said he delivers the jizz to the woman and then she goes in and tries to impregnate herself. Robin said this is going on in public restrooms. Howard said this is disgusting doing it in public. Robin said he is a giver. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Bill Cosby trial and how a few of his accusers were attending while it was going on. Robin said they were there to support the woman who was in court. Robin said they are vowing to keep going after him.
Robin read a story about Pam Anderson who is the advocate for Julian Assange. Howard said she's really into him. Robin said she says her heart stands with that guy. Robin said that Pam was calling on world leaders to free him after Sweden dropped a rape case against him. Robin said Pam is hot about this.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Mad Dog Russo impression and talking about the Cosby case. ''Mad Dog'' kept going for a couple of minutes about how this is going to be a big topic on his radio show. Howard let Sour go after a short time.
Howard said Benjy disagrees with him and wants to argue about the jury in the Cosby case. Howard said he called them silly and Benjy wants to argue. Benjy came in and asked if Howard would change his mind if he thought he was innocent and 6 others thought he was guilty. Howard said Benjy's face looks like a donut. Benjy said there was a lot of weird evidence in this case. Howard said he's right, they're not idiots. Howard wondered how he's gaining weight in this weather. Benjy said he thinks he lost weight. Benjy said he's about 20 down in the past month.
Robin read a story about video games and asked if Howard knows anything about them. Howard said he lost interest around the time Pac Man came out. He said he likes pinball though. Howard did his Soupy Sales impression talking about video games. Howard said children should play them, not Shuli. Robin asked if he knows who makes games now. Howard said he doesn't know anything other than Xbox and Playstation. Robin said that Nintendo has one too. Robin said now Atari is going to come out with their own console. Howard said they should be the biggest thing but they blew it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about another act of terror in London. Robin said that the people who were hit were leaving a mosque in London. Robin had some audio of a witness who saw what happened. Robin said that witness thinks it was a planned attack. Robin had a couple of other clips for Howard to play. Howard asked why weather guys have to do their reports outside. Robin said she's trying to do a news story. She had more clips for Howard to play. Howard said he'll get into that weatherman discussion tomorrow or another time.
Robin read a story about how President Trump went to Camp David for the first time. Howard said he has to see what Camp David looks like. Robin said she thought Trump was going to bring him there. Howard said no one is looking for him to go there. Robin read about Trump tweeting about the trip. Howard said no one who is president should go there. He said they should be focusing on being President. Robin said at least they don't create havoc in other people's lives there. Howard said she has a point there. Howard said no one has to suffer through traffic.
Robin read a story about scaling back security around Trump Tower in New York. Robin said it was causing a disruption in the area so they've removed a lot of the barriers there. Robin said maybe things will be easier there.
Robin read about Trump's lawyer going on TV and refuting that he's under investigation. Robin said Trump did tweet out that he is under investigation though. Robin said he's being asked not to tweet about this. Howard said he read that Trump's lawyer went out and hired a lawyer. He said he's not kidding about that. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the Robert Mueller investigation.
Robin read a story about director John Avildsen passing away over the weekend. Howard said he actually did some work on the Private Parts script with John. He said he's sorry to hear about that.
Robin read a story about a bull fighter being gored to death during a bull fight. Robin said he died on his way to the hospital due to a heart attack. Howard said those bull fights just aren't fair. He said it's 8 million losses for the bulls and one win.
Robin read a story about MMA fighting and how a fighter switched to boxing and he was killed in the ring. Robin said he actually died in the hospital but he was knocked out several times in the fight on Friday. Howard said he would have thought MMA was more dangerous. Robin said it's a lot easier to wrestle around on the floor than it is to have your head used as a target. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read a story about Stephen Furst passing away. Robin said he was in the movie Animal House. Robin said he was only 63 years old. Howard said he was shocked to see he was that hold. Howard said he played Flounder in the movie.
Robin read a story about Katy Perry and how she's not really that sexy person that she's been trying to sell for years now. Robin said she says from now on we're going to get the real her. Robin said there's a nice article about her in the NY Times. Robin said she feels liberated now. Robin said she's stopped drinking for now too.
Robin read a story about Caitlyn Jenner speaking out about the shooting that happened last week. Robin said Caitlyn says that liberals can't even shoot straight. Robin said she got applause for that. Howard asked how her father's day was. Robin said she's not sure if she celebrates that anymore.
Robin read a story about the US Navy identifying the 7 sailors who were killed when a destroyer was hit by a cargo ship. Robin said they're saying they don't know how much warning time they had before they were hit.
Robin had some audio of a guy giving advice on how to keep mosquitos from breeding this summer. Robin had a few clips for him to play.
Robin read a story about the Los Angeles cadet police training being put on hold. Robin said they found some cadets who stole some police cruisers. Robin said 3 cadets were arrested and they may have posed as sworn officers as well. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Howard started the show talking about how he just finished his coffee. He was shot out of a cannon. He said 10 minutes ago he was half asleep. He said he's not sure why people say ''my coffee'' because they don't do that with water or soda. Howard said he's really shot out of a cannon this morning. He was doing his Cousin Brucie impression. He said he's not sure what else to do with all of that energy.
Howard said he has something exciting to announce. He said he was told to wait to announce this but they can't stop him. He said the creators of SiriusXM have asked him to make this announcement. He said he's around of them. He said they are now available through Amazon Alexa. Robin said her Alexa keeps rejecting her. Howard said he has an Alexa there that he can use. Howard asked Alexa to play Howard 100. It started to play it. Howard asked it to play the Beatles channel on SiriusXM and it did start playing the channel. Robin said that's one of the things she wanted Alexa for.
Howard asked Alexa to give him a blow job. Howard asked Alexa to fire Benjy too. Howard asked Alexa to stop and it stopped. He said he has to get it now.
Howard was all fired up again doing his Cousin Brucie. Robin said she's never sure what to say to Siri. Howard asked Alexa to do all kinds of weird stuff. Alexa kept telling him it didn't know that one.
Howard said that's the big announcement and it's kind of fun. He said it's all available on there. He said you don't have to get up to change the channels. He said you have to enter your credentials to get it set up the first time. Howard said that's not what he should be announcing but they had it all written down for him. He said they're in show business and he asked if anyone knows that there.
Howard said Alexa can be fun. He said they made a phony phone call with Gary asking Alexa questions. Howard said they took those clips and made a call to some woman named Alexa. Howard said he won't play it now. He said he's already played it. Robin said that was a while ago though. Howard played the phony phone call. In the call they had Gary asking Alexa a bunch of dopey questions and the woman didn't know the answers to his questions. She stuck with it for a few minutes though.
Howard said that's a really understanding woman. Howard said he would have hung up after the first question. Robin said the mention of Howard's name ran her right off the phone. Howard said people are really turned off by him.
Robin asked how much more information he needs. Howard said he needs more. Robin said the guy is in pain. Howard said he needs to know what he's dealing with. Howard asked how hot his wife is. Nathan said she's extremely hot. He said she's a 10. Howard asked if she's really a 10. Nathan said to him she is a 10. He said to the rest of the world she's a solid 8. Howard asked if she looks like anyone famous. Nathan said not really. Howard asked how tall she is and how much she weighs. He said she's 6 foot and 1-something. Howard said she'd better be 1-something.
Howard asked how the sex is. Nathan said it's great. Howard asked if she blows him. He said not often but she will. He said they have done anal but not recently. Howard asked how the slot is. Nathan said it's incredible. Howard asked how often sex was happening. He said twice a week. They've been together 15 years.
Howard asked if the wife is saying that she loves the other guy. Nathan said she does. Nathan said he feels like he's violated her privacy. Howard said that's bullshit. Howard said he has to find out more about this. He asked how graphic things were getting. Nathan said that it was getting to the point where she was saying she was afraid her husband was going to find out and things like that.
Howard said he would have read every bit of what she was writing. Nathan said that he almost fell down the stairs because of what he was reading. Howard said he must be a good looking dude. Howard asked if he has kids. Nathan said he has 3. Robin said he's locked in. Howard asked if he confronted her. Nathan said he did. Howard said he might even call in Ronnie on this one.
Howard asked Nathan about how the wife dresses at work and if she stays out late at all. Nathan said she's not staying out late. He said she doesn't dress sexy going to work. Nathan said he has to work 6 days a week so she can't stay out late. Howard asked if she shaves her bush and things like that. Nathan said she does. Robin said Howard is a mess.
Howard said he's trying to get a full picture. Nathan said he just needs to know if he should continue the counseling. He said they have kids and they could ruin their lives. Howard said this is serious. He said it could ruin their lives.
Howard asked if Nathan confronted her. Nathan said he saw the phone and she's been staying up late lately. He said he checked the phone and he knows who the guy is. He said he scrolled up a bit and saw the message. He said he was devastated by it. Howard said this guy broke the bro-code. He said he's like Simon Cowell. Robin asked if he knows the guy. Nathan said he does. He said that guy has a kid on the way too. Howard asked if he is Simon Cowell. Nathan said he got him on that one. Howard said he knew it.
Howard said he has to think about what he would do. Howard said he knows Ronnie would tell him he has to leave his wife. Howard asked if the guy is younger and better looking. Nathan said he is. He said he's not sure how big his cock is. Robin asked if he thinks they've had sex. Nathan said he's not sure if they've had sex. He doesn't want to think they have. Howard said Sal has gone through this. He said he'll get some advice from him on this.
Howard asked if her vagina feels stretched out at all. Nathan said not at all. Howard said maybe his cock is bigger than the other guy. Howard asked if he has confronted him at all. Nathan said he did. He said he came home from work and he took her to a room and said they had to talk. He said he asked what's going on with her and this guy and she said nothing is going on. He said she didn't like that he walked off and ignored her for a couple of days.
Howard asked if his kids look like him. Nathan said they look like her. Howard said he'd want a DNA test. Howard said he's not sure how long this has been going on. Howard said who knows what's going on with this broad. Howard asked if he's right. Nathan said he is. Nathan said his wife said she'll do whatever to make it right. He said he told her what to do and he threatened to go beat the guy up. Howard said beating the hell out of the guy isn't right. Howard said the wife is married to him and he's not the problem. He said his wife is the problem.
Howard said maybe make her quit the job. He said then you can't trust her with any guy. Nathan said she would hold that over his head forever. Howard said who cares. Howard said he would have her come in to take a lie detector test. Nathan asked if that's considered cheating to do the whole texting thing. Howard said it is. Howard said Nathan hasn't done anything wrong. He said that his wife lets him look at his phone because there's nothing to hide.
Howard had Ronnie come in to talk about this. Ronnie came in and said that the best line is that the guy said he almost fell down the stairs. Ronnie asked why he would fall down the stairs. Howard said he was dazed and confused. Ronnie said his opinion on it is that he confronted her already and it's always deny, deny, deny. He said they have kids so you can't get up and walk away. Ronnie said he has to sit down with her and tell her to give it up. If she can't give it up then he has no choice but to split. Howard asked Nathan if he has money. Nathan said he does. Howard said he knows another guy in this situation who has no money so he can't afford to get out of it. Ronnie said then they're miserable and they live like that for the rest of their life. Howard said he should tell his wife ''fuck you'' and get out.
Nathan said he just needed to know what the other guy's story was. He said he found his wife and he's thinking of going to her and calling her. Howard said don't do that. He said it's not the guy. Ronnie said the problem is his wife, not that guy. Howard said she is the one who started all of this. Ronnie asked where the other woman is at night. Nathan said she's probably sleeping like he is.
Howard asked what Sal thinks of all of this. He asked him to come in. Howard said he wishes he had pictures of the wife. Sal came in and Howard said this sounds eerily familiar. Sal said he has to sit her down and give her an honest out. He said if he loves her then he has to do this. Sal said he found an email his wife sent. Howard said Sal followed his wife in the car too. Sal didn't want to talk about that. Sal said Nathan has the right to love someone too and he has the right to get the same type of love she's getting behind his back. Sal said they went to counseling once and his wife was laughing the whole time. Howard said Sal sat her down and told her to go be with that guy if she wants to and he'll do the same. Howard said that's a great way to do it. Howard said Sal's dad cheated on his mom so he had a fucked up life. Howard said his mom and sister beat up the woman he was cheating with. Howard said they went and beat her up. Ronnie said that must have been fun.
Sal said he remembers his dad talking on the phone to someone and he wondered who it was. He said he'd sweet talk her. He said he came home from school one day and he heard him talking like that. He did *69 on the phone and called the number and found it was Howard Johnson hotel. He said he told his mom where he thought his dad was going so they went to the hotel and his sister grabbed the lady and started beating the shit out of her. Sal said after all of this his dad told his mom that the woman was investing in their pizzeria. He said he met her in a hotel room though. Howard said he's a genius. Sal said that she ended up investing and working with his mom side by side at the pizzeria.
Howard said Sal tried to do everything right. Sal said you work hard not to be like that. He said he learned from his dad. Howard said they have to get back to the guy on the phone. Sal said the guy should shoot himself. Sal said he needs to sit her down and talk to her about it.
Howard said as far as Sal knows his wife isn't cheating. Sal said his wife is no longer in contact with that guy. He said he made his wife quit her job. He said she had no problem with it. Sal said you have to give her the out. He said she's living the life where she's getting the love and affection without this guy. He said he deserves the same.
Howard said it's the 10 year anniversary of 143. Howard said that it's just coincidence that he called today. Howard said Sal has turned his marriage around and now his wife goes out to shovel snow to protect his hair plugs. Sal said that's right.
Howard said he's going to take some calls and find out what the fans are thinking. Nathan said he did sit her down and tell her to end it. He said she obviously wasn't telling the truth. Howard said they've got it. Howard asked if she had sex with him on Father's day. Nathan said she did.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he feels for this guy. He said Sal said what he wanted to say. He said the lady needs some attention and that's why she's doing this. Howard said Sal's wife was the same situation. Howard said Sal's wife is hot and she needs attention. Sal said he did things that he probably shouldn't have. He said he wrote some songs that he shouldn't have.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this happened to him too. He said the feelings he has in his gut means there is something up. He said the same thing happened to him and he bugged the house and found out she was looking for another dude. He said he told her to fuck off and now he's with his second wife and he's happy. Howard said this guy has kids though. The guy said in his office he bought a bug for their phone and that's how he figured it out. He said he came into the house with a look on his face like she knew what he was thinking. He said he remembers the way he felt. Howard had to hang up on the guy because he was talking too much.
Howard said Steve from Florida has some wisdom too. Steve said he's a pro with this. He said he has to save all of the multimedia ''texes'' because they can be used in court. He said therapy does not work. He said he has to get her out of that job and away from that guy. Howard thanked him for the call. They played him off with a song parody that went on and on about Steve.
Nathan said Steve brought up a good point. Howard said forget about all of that. Nathan said Howard doesn't talk about his divorce much. He said he's going to end up losing in the end. He said he'll end up in a one room apartment somewhere. Howard said he'll end up with a hot plate. Howard said he's sure he can find a good one. Howard said he'd get a Foreman grill if he were this guy.
Howard said he thinks this guy has a lot of work to do. He said he has to sit her down and talk to her about this other guy. He said they can talk about therapy and say he doesn't trust her one bit. Howard said he's not sure how she'd get his trust back. Howard said she just fucked him in the head. Howard said she has to let him go be with another woman if she's with this dude. Howard said they have to end this thing if she wants to keep being with this other guy. Howard said they can work on it but maybe there are no guarantees.
Nathan said his wife said that she doesn't care about earning his truest back. Howard said fuck her then. He said she's a cunt. Nathan said they moved not long ago and she misses the old neighborhood. He said that's the last thing that's keeping her normal. Ronnie asked why they moved. Nathan said they moved because they wanted a better school district. Howard said he can't spend all morning on this. He said he's had women cheat on him but not often. He said he has to sit her down and just have the conversation. Sal told her to give her the out. Ronnie said they're both going to be miserable if they're going to live like that. He said that's no good for the kids either.
Howard said he can't take up the whole show with this so he's going to let Nathan go. Robin said maybe if he spent more time talking to his wife this wouldn't be happening. Howard asked if Nathan keeps up with his weight and stuff. Nathan said he did gain a few pounds but when all of this happened he worked on it and got back down.
Nathan said next week he's got another therapy session. He said he's going to avoid checking the logs and all of that. Ronnie said there's no way he's going to stop. He said he'll dwell on this and he won't stop. Howard said he would check. Nathan said he's not going to do that. Howard said go check now and read it to them. Nathan said he can't see their text messages. He said he can only see when they're texting. Howard said he has to get out of this. Howard told him to just sit down with her and do what Sal suggested. Nathan said he can't get his wife to be honest.
Howard asked if they're still texting. Nathan said when he checked a few days ago they were. He said it was a few back and forth. Howard said he has to go and get out of this. He said he has to go. Nathan asked if there's a way to call the Wrap Up Show and discuss it more.
Howard said he has the guy who claims to be sexting his wife on the line. Howard took that call from the back office from someone playing the part. He was asking how to get this guy out of his life.
Howard said Sal gave some good advice and he'd follow that. Howard said the good news is that he can hear SiriusXM through Alexa now. Nathan kept asking more questions about what to do. Sal and Ronnie gave him the same advice. Fred said he has some advice too. He said it's evil but send an anonymous note to the fiancee of the other guy. Howard said he has to get out of this. Howard told Nathan not to listen to Fred. Fred said the other guy screwed up this guy's life so he can screw that guy's life up. Ronnie said it's her fucking fault. Fred said it's both of them. He said they're both fucking this guy's life up. Howard let Nathan go after that.
Howard said that wasn't good advice. Fred said he said it was shitty advice. He said he prefaced that with ''this is shitty advice.'' Howard went to break after playing a ''Scott the Engineer Doll'' commercial parody.
Howard said it is exciting to see all of the tech come together. He said he's not sure he'd lose his voice over it. Howard said Gary is very excited about it. He took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression asking Alexa to play songs for him. He was singing songs as Gary to his Alexa. Sour Gary was asking Alexa to order things or him too.
Howard said he sounds very excited about this. He said he's clearing his throat a lot. Sour kept going playing music and clearing his throat as Gary. He said he was testing his vinyl. Howard let him go a short time later.
Robin said they didn't hear from Sour for months and now he calls in many times a day. Howard said he's so good.
Howard said as long as he's talking about Baba Booey he wanted to say that today is the 25th anniversary of the first time they heard one of their fans yell ''Baba Booey'' on TV. Howard said you hear it on TV all the time now but not back then. Howard said he has some Baba Booeys to play but he's going to give some history on this anniversary. Howard said he has a thing to play. He wasn't able to find it at first but he eventually did. Howard said in 1992 at the Amy Fisher trial someone yelled Baba Booey. Howard said it took 2 days for someone to come through with the tape. Howard said this was the first time in history. Howard played the clip from 1992 where they played the tape and commented on it. Howard said that was a very strong one. He said they knew it was the start of something big.
Howard said he will tell you that in the history of Baba Booeys that in 2000 they met Joey Boots who recently died. Howard said he became the biggest Baba Booey bomber in history. Howard said he should have just said Baba Booey but he added in ''Howard Stern's penis.'' Howard said Joey went to court to fight for his right to yell it out. He didn't invent it but he did perfect it. Howard played some of Joey's shout outs.
Howard said that poor woman kept talking in that one. He said no one could even figure out what she was trying to say. Howard said rest in peace to Joey. Howard said he was recently found dead in his apartment. He was discovered by High Pitch Erik.
Howard said on September 19, 2011 they heard their first Baba Booey shout out at a golf tournament. Howard played a clip from that first shout out. Howard said that was just the start. He said they took off from there.
Howard had a montage of some of the best Baba Booeys from over the years. They had a bunch that were done on TV over the years.
Howard said that was just some of them that have been on TV. He said they have never sat down and planned a Baba Booey on live TV. He said it's all been listeners who have done it. Howard said they had a thought of sending out a singer to do one at a golf tournament. Howard said that would be fabulous but this is a phenom that they should keep pure. Howard said if they start setting them up then all hell breaks loose. Howard said this is generated by listeners. Howard said they had some people in mind to do it but he's not sure they'll do it.
Howard said speaking of the fans he has some PGA open clips where people yelled out Baba Booey. Howard played a couple of clips. The first one he played was really clear. Howard played another one that was pretty loud. He had another one that was pretty loud as well.
Howard said there's someone who yelled out ''Do it for Benjy.'' JD said he thinks he said ''Do it for Dicky.'' Howard said please don't start with the Benjy thing.
Howard said the band Hatebreed has a song out called ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard asked who they are. Richard came in to talk about the band. Richard said the lead singer is a big fan of the show. He said that he did the song for the show. It's not actually out there. Howard played the song. Howard liked the lyrics they had about how ''The energy hits flat line, Hit 'em with the Hein!'' Howard said that's funny.
Howard said no one goes in and does anything like that. He said that he's so gross. Richard said he tipped her good though. Howard said he should. He said she's probably North Korean and now she's thinking about going back to that horrible country.
Howard said Richard laughs that she didn't touch him. Richard said people get sweaty. Robin said yeah but you don't go get a massage.
Howard said his hair looks like shit because he tried a new hair product. He said his hair frizzes out when he washes it. He said that he tried this stuff that says it's multi-cultural. He said it's like Aunt Jennies or something. He said Toni picked it up for him. He said it has an odor too. He said he doesn't like the smell. Richard said it looks good. Robin said maybe he has to use black product. Howard said it feels soft. Howard said maybe he's handsome. Richard asked if he can kiss him. Howard told him to shut up.
Howard said he was looking at some of the black people thinking that they have something in common now. He said it's like Aunt Jenny or something like that. Howard said he's dipped into the black man's world.
Howard figured it was actually Miss Jessie. Howard asked if Fred thinks it looks better today. Fred said no. He said it looks too tight. Fred said it looks kind of fake. Fred said he has great hair but it looks fake. Howard said he has good hair but people think it's fake.
Howard said that the banner on the web site for this stuff shows 3 black women. Howard said the product is for bi-racial people. Howard said he looks like that Rachel Dolezal. Howard said the Miss Jessie died.
Howard said maybe the white man has infiltrated the black products and he's trying to kill them. Howard said he was worried he was going to be lumped into that. He said he may have to stop using this stuff. He said he may stick with it. He said Benjy says no. Howard said he'll just ask his wife.
Richard said maybe Sal would know. Howard said Sal looks ridiculous with his products. He said he doesn't know what he's talking about. He said Sal hates when he's accused of being from the middle east.
Gary said Benjy said the curls are too tight and he looks like Mr. Brady. Sal got on mic and said that he looks great today. Howard thanked him for that. Sal told Gary he has to work on his face.
Howard said he digs using black products. He said he might have something to talk to them about when he talks to black people. Howard said he can talk about using Miss Jessie.
Howard said the other day when Trump had his cabinet meeting they had people kissing Trump's ass. He said the guys there came in and kissed his ass. He said they used that audio to call the Angry Political Guy. Howard played the call where they called Angry Political Guy with the clips of the staff kissing his ass. They had Brent, Shuli, Ronnie, and Richard telling Howard how much they like him and the Angry Political Guy thought they were talking about him. He freaked out when Richard said he'd blow him.
Howard said that's pretty good. Robin said it's great. Howard took a call from one of the guys in the back who does a Angry Political Guy impression. Howard spent a short time talking to fake Angry Political Guy.
Howard let Richard go after that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard had Megyn doing a seance with Roger Ailes ghost to figure out what to do. Howard did that impression for a short time. Howard had him giving her advice like showing side boob and hard nips.
Howard said all of that carrying on and NBC came in 4th. Howard said even America's Funniest Home Videos beat her. Gary said that was a repeat that beat her. Howard said that's sad. Howard said that shit is funny. He said he loves watching that stuff. He doesn't remember the videos so he likes to watch it even if it's a rerun.
Howard said he's not sure why Megyn was in such a rush to get Alex Jones. Howard said no one cares. He said that people chose water skiing squirrels over Alex Jones.
Howard said he thought that Bob Saget was still hosting America's Funniest Home Videos. It's some black guy. Gary said it's Alfonso Ribero.
Howard said that he felt bad for the woman who accused Cosby in that trial that was going on. Howard said they had some alternate talking about how he would have moved to convict Cosby. Howard said he wasn't able to say who was on the jury and who was holding out. Howard said they ended up with a hung jury. Howard said that guy thought that Andrea woman was credible. Howard said this wasn't even about money. Robin said it was a criminal suit. Robin said she thinks it did come from a civil case. Howard said that woman's hair looks like his. He said she must not use Miss Jessie's hair product.
Howard said they went out on the street and interviewed people about Bill Cosby's court case. Howard played some clips of people talking about what a piece of garbage he is. Howard said then they asked people to pick between Cosby and Howard Stern and they were saying they're both pigs. Howard said ''Fuck you, what did I do?'' Howard played one where a woman said she'd let Cosby baby sit her daughter over Howard.
Howard said he beat off last night and rented John Wick. Howard said he watched the sequel. Robin said she did too. Howard said he likes the first one. He said that he kills people and you're not even sure why. Howard said in the second one he was killing people for no reason at all. Howard said it's just a movie of him killing people. Robin said she's not sure how he'd even survive this. Howard said he shouldn't like the movie but he loved it. He said there are no hot chicks in it or anything. He said you don't care about the guy. He said he still loved it. Howard said it's just good. He said Keanu Reeves seems to know what he's doing. Robin said it looks authentic when he's handling a gun. Howard said he's always reloading. Howard said that's what makes it seem more real. Howard said he likes it when he grabs other guns and kills those guys with their own guns. Robin said they're holding the gun and he kills them by shooting them.
Howard said he hasn't seen The Bachelorette yet. He said he read about what happened on Bachelor in Paradise. Howard said this chick got drunk and she was getting eaten out by some dude from what he read. He said there's something going on there too. Robin said there's video of it and she seemed to be alert from what she heard. Robin said that guy who was on The Bachelorette is saying his name is being maligned or something.
Howard took a call from a guy who may have been sleeping. Howard said he sounds like he's in the water. He may have been at the beach. Howard said he sounds like Gary falling asleep in the office.
Howard said this is what they're getting sued for. He said maybe this is an alien and this is his language. The guy started snoring. Howard said this guy Vince is snoring now. Howard welcomed him to Earth. He asked how anyone can sleep through this show. He said it's impossible. The snoring got louder and louder.
Howard said maybe he fell asleep when he heard the announcement that they're on Alexa now. Howard said he sounds like a whale recording. Howard asked what's more interesting, this guy snoring or High Pitch Erik on his podcast. Robin said she can listen to this longer. Howard said he was going to play some of that podcast but this is more interesting. Fred played some whale sounds. Howard said he thought when you fell asleep the phone would drop. Robin said it sounds like he's breathing right into the phone.
Howard said he has Gary on the phone asleep. He had Sour Shoes doing his Gary impression again. He was snoring and saying ''noise'' over and over when he snored. Then he worked up and broke into a song. <>Howard said yesterday Robin read a story about Carrie Fisher dying and she didn't mention the drugs she had in her system. Robin said they said they weren't able to figure it out. Robin had an updated story where they had a list of the things they found in her system. Howard said that's a party. Robin said she appeared to have a heart attack on the plane but it also included vomiting. Howard said she also had a drink with all of that other stuff.
Howard said that Erin Moran died of cancer and people were saying it was drugs. Robin said that Carrie had to take all of this methadone and other stuff to get on a plane. Howard said they say she had mental illness too. Robin said her daughter brought that up. She said she knew the stigma that went along with all of that and she urged people to get it out in front of you. Howard said if he dies he doesn't want his kids announcing he was mentally ill.
Howard took another call from Angry Political Guy impersonator who was sleeping and talking in his sleep. Howard said he should hang up on Vince now. He let Angry Political Guy go and hung up on Vince. Howard said that's enough of that. He said it's nice and quiet now.
Howard said Erik and Gonzo got a call from David Arquette on their podcast. Erik asked David when he's coming to town. David was in town for a morning sickness pill promotion and Erik said that he'd take that because he doesn't want to feel sick in the morning. Howard said Erik didn't know that it was just for women who are pregnant.
Howard said Erik got into a fight with a caller and started threatening him. Howard played a clip of Erik threatening the guy and Gonzo talking to him about the threats. Howard said he's never learned a lesson. He said he had to go to court with Elephant Boy about threatening him. Howard said that's not a great idea to threaten people.
Robin said Erik isn't fighting anyone. Howard said he knows. Howard said they tell him to knock it off because they know there can be legal problems. Howard played a clip where Erik said he's quitting again. Howard said that they had to play him out at the end there. He was threatening some guy named Raisin Bread.
Howard said Erik is going in for a stomach stapling operation soon. Gary said he thinks it's coming in August. He said they have to do an endoscopy first. He said that's part of the procedure. Howard said Shuli will be there to cover it all. Howard said he's going to do an embedded special about that.
Howard asked Shuli if he's going to be in the operating room. Shuli said he has a meeting set up and he's going to see what he can cover. Shuli said Erik was down to like 330 pounds but he gained it all back and he's over 400 again. Robin said he blamed Joey Boots' death on that. Howard said he's sure he'd be up there even if Joey hadn't died.
Shuli said Erik called him on Father's day and he started to have that phlegm thing. He was smoking a cigar at the time.
Howard said only in America they can have this stomach stapling thing. He said you cant get that done in North Korea. Shuli said over there they only have 15 approved hair cuts for men. Howard said High Pitch Erik would lose weight in North Korea. Howard said he'd lose 400 pounds over there.
Howard said it's weird when guys like Erik and Ass Napkin Ed are conservatives but they're on the government dole. Howard said he doesn't get it. Robin said Wendy is the perfect example. She wanted more money from the government but she was all for Trump.
Gary came in and said Kyle likes to masturbate after touching feet. Kyle said he's kind of good at it and he's 26 years old. He said he fucked one girl. Howard asked why he wants her feet to be smelly. Kyle said he wants to do some kind of challenge. Howard asked him to answer the question. He asked why the odor. Kyle said he likes to be jerked off by a woman's foot too. Howard said he hasn't had that done though, right? Kyle said he did in 8th grade.
Howard asked if Kyle wants to get jerked off by Gary's smelly feet. Kyle said no thanks to that. Howard asked if he's the guy who said he has a cousin who he wanted to jerk him off with her feet. Kyle said that's not him. Howard said people know this guy and they think it was him. Kyle said he doesn't want to do that. Howard said he'll take his word for it.
Howard asked Kyle if he's on government assistance. Kyle said he's a student. He said he's studying filming. Howard said he's like JD.
Howard asked Kyle if he has a job. Kyle said he does. He has some kind of speech impediment so Howard wondered how he has a job. He said no one can understand him. Howard asked where he goes to school. Kyle said he goes to Delgato. Howard asked what kind of grades he needs to get in. Kyle said it's a community college. Robin said all you need is a pulse to get in. Howard asked how long he's been going there. Kyle said it's 2 years. Howard said his speech is a little odd. He said the teachers must wonder ''what the fuck.''
Howard asked Kyle what 9x8 is. Kyle said 81. Howard said it's actually 72. Howard asked him to turn off his TV because it's hard enough to understand him. Howard said he's still laughing at his answer. Robin said the cost of going to that college is $12,988 a year. Howard asked where he got that money. Kyle said he got it from family.
Howard asked Kyle what he's studying. Kyle said it's filming so he can make a great movie some day. Howard asked him what 6x5 is. Kyle said that's 30. Howard said he got that one right. Howard asked him what 8x9 is. Kyle said 71. Howard asked what 9x8 is. Kyle said 71 again. Robin said at least he's consistent.
Howard asked what classes he passed at Delgato. Kyle said he passed math. Robin laughed. Kyle asked if he can tickle the feet of Tan Mom, Robin and someone else. Howard said he might be able to get Sarah Silverman and Amy Schumer. Howard said maybe even Caitlyn Jenner. Kyle said no to Caitlyn. Howard asked on what grounds. Kyle changed his mind and said ''why not?'' Howard said he's looking at his picture and he's in no position to be picky.
Howard said his motto should be ''I'll take what feet I can get.'' Howard said he knows some stuff about this guy. He said he would date an armless woman as long as she had feet. Howard said they're looking for someone like that. Howard asked how long it takes before he cums. Kyle said maybe 10-20 minutes. He said it all depends.
Howard asked Kyle to walk him through this. He asked if he takes off her shoes. Kyle said he could do it. He said it depends. Robin said he'll have to tie her up first. Howard asked if he'll smell her shoes first. Kyle said no, it's just the feet. Howard asked if he'll smell and kiss them.
Howard said Kyle is in luck. He has Martin Scorsese on the phone and he has a movie for him. Howard took the call and fake Martin asked how Kyle is doing and said he wants him to be his cinematographer. He said he's never seen a guy like this. Howard said he's never had someone call in and offer a job like that. Then Martin said he wants him to film him taking a shit. Howard said he's not sure that's the real guy.
Howard had Sour Shoes on the phone doing his George Takei impression and asking if he'd like to smell his feet. He had some other offers for him too. Kyle wasn't interested.
Howard asked Kyle when he's going to graduate. Kyle didn't know. Howard said that's odd because when he went to college he knew exactly when he was going to be done. Kyle said he was hoping that he'd be done with it sooner. Howard said he'd be upset if he were his mom and dad.
Howard asked if he has chicks in his class. Kyle said he does. Howard asked if he jerks off thinking about their feet. Kyle said he does sometimes. Howard asked if he's asked any of them out. Kyle said he hasn't. Howard said he had a fear of rejection too. Howard wished him luck with this. He said he'll work on Robin and Paris Hilton.
Howard said maybe he can get him Oprah. Kyle said that would be something. Howard said he imagines she has smelly feet. He said he'll work on it. He said he's going to try to get him a girl. Howard said Robin is hesitating though. He said they could tie her up.
Howard asked if Kyle had anything else. Kyle said no. Howard said maybe he should take summer classes and get that graduation date up. He said he's sure his parents want him to finish up.
Howard asked if Kyle is ever in trouble with the law. Kyle said nope. Howard said he'd love to get him in there to see what he's up to. Kyle said alright. He gave Howard a Baba Booey as he was saying goodbye. Howard asked what 9x7 is. Kyle said he doesn't know. Howard said that's fine.
Howard said Delgato should be ashamed to take Kyle's money. He said how about a scholarship. He said don't give people false hope. He asked how they can charge the family for this. Robin said he's on his third year of a 2 year education. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and played a song parody from Scott the Engineer. Howard said that Dave Grohl song is so great that he didn't interrupt it. He said that he'd never done an acoustic version of the song before he did that. Howard said it was from 1998. Howard said he's going to do the math and figure out how long ago that was. Howard said it was 71 years ago. He asked how that is for math. He said it was actually 21 years ago.
Howard said Jim Bakker is back again. He said he has a TV show and a following. Robin said the forgiving thing is big in that community. Howard said he's back to full bravado. Howard said in this first clip he's talking about Ringling Brothers circus. Howard played the clip of Bakker talking about Trump and he says when he was in the middle east the first day Ringling Brothers packed up and went away after 146 years. Howard said he thinks there's something related there. Bakker was talking about the elephants going away from the circus and then he asked what that represents in politics there. Howard said his wife squirted when he made that connection.
Howard played more of that clip and Jim's wife was getting all worked up about his stupid comments. Howard said he was amazed by women in the strip clubs when they'd just dance for him.
Howard said that someone on the phone has disputed his math on the Dave Grohl song. Howard picked up and asked who would argue with his math. The caller said that Howard came up with 21 for 1998 to 2017. Howard checked his math and figured he had it right. The caller told him he had it wrong. Howard said that's the first time he's ever had it wrong. He said math is difficult. Howard said he never gives up though. He said 1998 to 2008 is 10. He said 2008 to 2016 is another 8. Robin said it's 2017 though. Howard said it's 19 years. He said it's one of those tricky problems. Howard asked how many that is. Fred said 19 is correct. Robin said she wasn't paying attention. She said he usually gets it right.
Howard said he has to get back to Jim Bakker. Howard said in this one he talks about Ariana Grande. Howard said she did a beautiful thing for Manchester England and Jim finds something negative to say about that. Howard played the clip and Jim was talking about what happened over there and how they had doomed themselves by naming their tour the ''Dangerous Women'' tour. Robin said this is like a movie plot. She said it's like they invited in the devil. Howard said what a fucking tool this guy is. He said he still gets money. Howard asked why TV stations are such sell outs that they air this shit but they won't air Megyn Kelly and Alex Jones.
Howard played a clip of another guy talking about Ariana Grande and how she's talking about her interaction with demons all the time. Howard said these guys are something. He didn't know who she was but now he thinks she worships the devil. The guy was saying that her brother is a sodomite. Howard asked what this dude is. The guy was talking about some other nonsense about Ariana and worshiping something called Kabbalah. Howard said these guys have some dark ways of preaching. He said that they're going after a charity concert for Manchester.
Howard did an impression of the guy and goofed on his crazy talk. Howard said these people just know what's right and wrong after reading the bible. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard asked the couple some questions about how they met and things like that. They just got engaged and they met on a plane. Howard said she's super hot too. Howard asked if they did it on the first night. The guy said it was the third date. Howard said look at him. Howard asked the guy if he's rich. He said no but the woman said yes. Howard asked if they have a nice house. The woman said they have an apartment and a golden retriever. Howard said good for you and said they're a good looking couple. Howard said maybe it'll last. Howard asked how old they are. The guy was 29 and the woman was 25.
Howard said their names are Corey and Briana. Howard said all of Corey's friends must want her. Corey said sure. Briana told Howard they had a big party recently. Howard asked if all her friends are hot like her. She said they are. Howard asked how tall she is. She's 5'5'' and 105 pounds. Howard said that's the perfect weight. Howard said Corey should put it in the pre-nup that she isn't allowed to gain a pound a year.
Howard said word spread quickly earlier that there was a hot chick up there. He said the guys there are like wolves. Howard asked if they met JD yet. Briana said she doesn't think so. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Corey and Briana about their sex life and stuff like that. Howard asked if she dresses up. Briana said not yet. Howard said his wife once put on a school girl outfit for him. He said he told her was in costume as a praying mantis. Howard said he bets they do it with the lights on. Briana said they do. Howard said he turns the lights out. Howard said he made her wear a blindfold once.
Howard said it's time for some news. They played Robin into her news with a song parody. Howard asked if Sean Spicer is leaving. Robin said he is getting moved but they're not saying where yet. Robin said it may be a demotion. Howard said he thinks Beetlejuice would be a great replacement. He had a clip ready to play where he was yelling at reporters. He had one for Ronnie and one for Tan Mom too. Howard said they had John Stamos call Tan Mom when he was up there and she had no interest in him at all. Howard played the call they made to Tan Mom and she really had no interest in John at all. Howard said that's shocking. He said John has never been rejected in his life.
Robin said the staff gets involved in some stuff that's kind of crazy. Robin said a man was killed for trying to film a threesome. Robin said that pissed off the girl and she made some phone calls and the guy got beaten and stabbed over it. Robin said you have to be careful out there.
Howard took a call from a woman who said Howard turned her into a porn lover. She said she always hated porn but a coupe of weeks ago... Howard hung up on her. He said she wasn't making her point. He asked how people get through life not making any sense. He said he's not happy that he still jerks off. He asked Corey if he still does that. Corey said he does. Howard asked if Briana knows that. She said she does.
Robin read a story about a production of a gay man Golden Girls remake. Robin said it's one of the guys from the show who came up with the idea. Robin had a few more details about that. That led to Howard doing his George Takei impression for a few minutes.
Robin read a story about a secret room in Argentina that was filled with Nazi memorabilia. Robin said they say a lot of Nazis went there after the war. Robin said they found a lot of items in this hidden room. Howard did a live commercial read after that. He talked to Corey and Briana a little more too.
Robin read a story about how sex offenders can't be prevented from using social media. Robin said the Supreme Court made that ruling. Robin read some details about that.
Robin read a story about how laundry pods pose a risk to people who have dementia. Robin said they're like little kids who think they're food. Howard did impressions of his parents talking about how his dad ate 4 of those with his coffee. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they should put Briana on the Sybian. He said they haven't done that in a while. Howard said she's not there for that. Robin said it's funny that they think you can just make a woman do something like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Briana is into anal or anything. Briana said no comment. She changed that to a hard ''no'' after Howard asked if that means yes.
Robin read a story about an election going on in Georgia today. Robin said a lot of money has been poured into the race and it's the most expensive congressional race ever. Robin and Howard ended up arguing about ''progressives'' when Howard misunderstood something Robin said. Howard said he's progressively getting confused by the whole thing.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump being up in arms about the North Korean government. Robin said the 22 year old student who was returned from North Korea has died. Howard wondered who would want to go to North Korea with that guy in charge over there. Robin said they're no longer going to take Americans into the country. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about the death and how it's a brutal regime over there and we'll handle it.
Robin read a story about the man who drove his car into a group of Muslims in London and what his family is saying about that.
Howard asked Briana if she has bikini pictures up on Instagram. Briana said maybe. Gary came in with pictures. Howard sounded blown away by them. Howard said she's got some body on her. She doesn't work out. She said she was a cheerleader. Howard asked if she has implants. Briana said they're real. Briana wondered how they got those pictures. Howard said the guys are like the CIA when it comes to hot chicks. Howard said she must have been the most popular girl in high school. Briana said she wasn't. Howard said now they know everything about her. He asked her more questions about high school and dating.
Robin read a story about Jared Kushner and how he spoke in public for the first time. Robin said he was at a tech summit yesterday. Robin had some audio of him speaking. Howard said Jared once fixed his wife's phone at an event they were at. Howard said he knew how to do a hard boot and he fixed it. He said maybe he is good at fixing things. Robin said they've been digging things up on him lately and he wasn't that good a student. Howard said he did fix a phone. Robin said now they know who to go to for getting phones fixed.
Robin read a story about the senate health care bill. Robin said they may not be able to read it before it's time to vote on it. Robin had some audio of Chuck Schumer asking about that.
Robin read a story about the death of Bill Dana who did a character called Jose Jimenez. Robin said they say he stopped doing it in the late 60s or early 70s when he realized it was offensive. Robin said Bill was 92. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard started to do a commercial. Briana told Howard one more story about how Corey had Beetlejuice come out on a date with them once. Howard ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:20am.
Howard started the show testing out his headphones and his microphone for proper modulation. That led to Fred playing the Ben Stern clip where he talks about proper modulation. Howard played a clip of fake Angry Political Guy telling them who they have coming up on today's show. Ashton Kutcher is coming in. Howard said he hasn't seen Ashton in a long time.
Howard said a lot of trolls don't like it when he's on his wife's Instagram with something nice like kittens. He said it's hard for them to accept him as a human being. He said they're shocked that he's an animal lover. He said they think he should hate everything.
Robin said today is the first day of summer. Howard said today feels long already. He said he's been in the room with Fred for a half hour already.
Howard played a phony Arnold Schwarzenegger message about using sun screen to write things on your skin for this summer.
Howard said yesterday he made an announcement at the start of the show. He said he's shot out of a cannon again this morning with his big cup of coffee. He said for like 2 hours he's really up and then in hour 3 he fades. He said yesterday he announced you can get SiriusXM on Amazon Echo (Alexa). Howard said people were excited about that. He said people were excited about that. He said today they have another big announcement. He said someone is working hard there. He said someone must have gotten a fire lit under Scott Greenstein's ass.
Howard said he's somewhat psychic because yesterday he was wearing his Guns N' Roses t-shirt. He said they are going to perform a private concert for SiriusXM and they're going to broadcast it on their channel. Howard said that was not an easy negotiation from what he heard. He said the band will have a limited run channel there from July 13-22 and they'll have everything on that channel. Howard said they'll have all of their great songs. Howard said he might have to go to the concert. Robin said she might have to show up too. Howard said he might have to get her there too.
Howard said he's also wearing a tophat like Slash to celebrate. Robin said she thought he was using a new hair care product. Howard said he's not. He said he's not using Miss Jessie today. He said he went back to Fusk or Rusk or whatever it's called. Howard said he's trying to get the right look with the gels. Howard said he thought he did look pretty good yesterday. Robin said it's too tight a curl. Howard said take it easy on him. He said he just got there.
Howard said the concert is going to air on July 20th on Howard 101. He said you'll be able to win your chance to go to the concert. He said it's a small show so that's going to be very intimate.
Howard said Slash has been on the show many times. He said Axl called in once. He said he was on with someone and he can't remember the guy's name. Gary said he has to look it up. Howard said the concert is at the Apollo and it's only 1500 people so it's going to be small.
Howard said he thinks Axl was on with Sebastian Bach. He said he tied his penis in a knot on the show once. He said he still can't believe what he saw.
Howard said he has a music history of Guns N' Roses. He said their first album had so many hits. He played some songs like ''Welcome to the Jungle.'' Howard said it has that famous noodling at the start of the song. Howard said that's not a riff, it's noodling. Howard said one of their songs was ''Paradise City.'' He played some of that and gave some history on the lyrics for the song. Howard said that album was so amazing. He played some ''Sweet Child O' Mine.'' Howard said the start of that song came from Izzy warming up and Axl hearing it and writing lyrics to the warm up.
Howard said they had some fantastic songs. Howard said Mr. Brownstone was about the band's drug use. Howard read about how they wrote that song. He played some of the song too.
Howard said another song was ''It's so Easy.'' He played some of that and they say that David Bowie showed up when they were shooting the video. He apparently paid too much attention to Axl's girlfriend at the time and Axl punched him and kicked him off the set. Howard said he'd love to interview him and ask about that.
Howard said that he would just let Bowie have the girl if that happened to him. Howard said Beth is so into him that guys hit on her and just shake their heads when they see she's with him.
Howard brought up the song ''Rocket Queen'' and played some of it. Howard said it's a great song. Howard said the part where the woman is moaning they say came from when Axl was fucking some girl who was dating Stephen. Howard played that part where the woman is moaning.
Howard said the band is doing a concert for them and they're airing it on Howard 101. Howard said it's all going down at the Apollo. Howard said he saw Metallica there and it was so amazing. He said he had to sit next to Richard who was banging his head. He said that was the only bad part of the whole thing.
Howard played more Guns N' Roses songs like ''Patience'' from their second album. Howard said this song was voted one of Rolling Stone's top whistling songs of all time. Robin said it's hard to make a whistle cool. Howard said they will be doing songs like this in the concert. Howard said they covered ''Live and Let Die'' too. He said he loves that song. He played some of that. Howard said they need to do that song and ''November Rain'' too. Howard played some of that song. He said that song is almost 9 minutes long. He said he thinks it was an homage to Elton John.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression and singing Guns N' Roses songs. Sour Gary said he thinks that he inspired the whole thing. He said he thinks that it was Shannon Hoon who was on with Axl. Howard said he's thinking about that song from Chinese Democracy or something. Howard asked if Mad Dog is going to the concert. Sour did his Mad Dog Russo impression and had him talking about the guys in Guns N' Roses. Howard told him that Tom Brady might be there and Mad Dog started freaking out.
Howard let Sour go and got back to the Guns N' Roses stuff. Howard said they worked on the Chinese Democracy album for a really long time. Howard said Sour was talking about the song ''Don't Cry' and that's the one Shannon Hoon was on. Howard said that's off ''Use Your Illusion.'' Howard played some of that.
Howard said he also wanted to commend the guys for ''Knocking on Heaven's Door.'' Howard said he doesn't like when Bob Dylan performs it but he likes Guns N' Roses version. Howard played some of the song.
Robin said she loves what he does with changing words in the songs. She said he changed the word door to ''dowah.'' Howard said he would have been nobody if he hadn't done that.
Howard said he's not sure if they're going to do a cover of ''Paradise Titties'' which is about Robin's boobs. Howard played some of that song parody. He had a couple of other song parodies to the tune of Guns N' Roses songs. Howard played ''Sweet Brown Behind'' too. Howard said there's a rumor they're going to do that as an encore. Howard said he has a song parody about Gary's phlegm. Howard played some of that too. He said he's not going to put up with them showing up late that night. He said he has to go to bed early. Howard said they are known for showing up late.
Robin said that they showed up late one time when she went to see them. Robin said Axl was amazing but they did show up late. Howard said they're going to show up at 4 and be done by 6 if he has anything to do with it.
Howard said it didn't work but the Gary thing did. Howard said Robin songs in small doses is all they can do. Robin said they have to turn them off very often so they don't even get through the whole song. Howard said there are some great songs. The caller mentioned ''Black Tits'' and Howard agreed that was a great one.
The caller said there's another one about Robin to the tune of Feliz Navidad. That one is ''Release Robin's Bra.'' Howard said there's just so many and it's too much. He said there's a lot of thought that goes into these specials. Howard played the ''Black Tits'' song parody for the caller since he brought it up. Howard said he doesn't think they'll last longer than 30 seconds with this one. Howard was ready to bail after just a few seconds. Howard said Gloria Allred's head just exploded hearing that.
Howard said everyone is on Scott the Engineer and he's so retro. Howard said they don't hear from him for years and then he comes in talking about how miserable he is. He said everyone is talking about him now. He said they get a lot of email about him. Fred played a clip of the woman who went off on CBS years ago saying ''You wanted us to all be abuzz...'' Howard asked what happened to her. Fred said she's the head of the Air Force. Howard asked what she was yelling about. Robin said it was the Janet Jackson thing.
Howard said Scott called the suicide hotline but they hung up on him too. Howard said Scott also put together some vaping tips. Howard played a clip of Scott giving some tips on vaping and not getting the vaping juice on your hands or rubbing your face with it on your hands.
Howard said he has another vaping tip. He said he has a couple. He had Scott talking about making sure to turn your vaping battery off when you put it in your pocket. He said it can explode if it touches keys or something else. Howard asked what's up with his breathing. Howard said they're only 23 seconds long but they feel like an hour.
Howard said Scott's breathing is more labored than ever. Fred said he runs out of breath after saying his name. Fred and Howard did their impressions of Scott for a few seconds. Howard played a song parody the guys had Scott sing about his vaping and popcorn lung.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she loves her Alexa. She said if you say Baba Booey to Alexa you get a ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' She asked if Howard knew that. Howard hung up on her and did a live commercial read. He said he'd rather hear the commercial than her voice. They went to break after that.
Howard said he has something weird. He said he'll take some phone calls first. Howard took a call and Robin was gone. Howard asked if she was in the can. Robin said she was just taking a stroll and no one told her they were back.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been listening since he was a kid. He said when he does his dad's voice why does it sound like he has a foreign accent. Howard said he's explained that 50,000 times but he'll do it again. Howard said his dad grew up on the lower east side and his parents were immigrants. Howard said his dad had that eastern European thing going on at home. He said then he'd go to school. Howard said his dad's parents spoke Yiddish too. He said he was trying to fit in at school and trying to get rid of the accents. He said when he got older he became a recording engineer and he may have been trying to sound like an announcer. Howard said he was trying to speak proper English. Howard said he grew up in America but he's fighting some voice in his head. Howard said his mom had that kind of upbringing too but she speaks normal. Robin said he was trying to fashion himself after Dracula or something.
Howard said he's not sure what his dad was doing. Robin said he had the worst ears. She said you've heard him sing. Howard said his high school was called Bella Lugosi High School. Howard said when he'd yell at him he had that accent. The caller thanked him for explaining that for the 50,000th time. Howard said his dad calls him not to be stupid, you moron. He said he has discussed that in analysis many times.
The caller asked Robin about being a nurse because he's one too. He said he hears Howard play the horrible songs about her body and he wants to know how she feels about that. Howard said they just discussed that earlier. The caller said they need to move it to Fred or something else. Howard said he just did a rap on Robin songs. He hung up on the caller. He said that guy was busy jerking off some patients. Howard said he's sure he's a professional and he's not doing that but some people get under his skin. Howard said he knew that second question was going to be one too many.
Howard said he was reading the Daily News today and they had a story about private panty information being leaked. Howard read it to Robin and told her that it was about period panties and the company that makes them was hacked. Howard asked what period panties are. Robin said when a woman is on her period they don't wear nice panties. Robin said she's sure the company came from that. Robin said there are 3-5 days where you wear old panties. Howard said he had no idea. Robin said that period panties must hold a pad better or something. Howard asked who uses a pad anymore. Robin said there are plenty of pads. she said there are more pads than tampons.
Howard said he doesn't understand how a tampon works in a pool. He said he figured it would absorb all of the water. Robin said it can't get in there. Robin said that the tampon thing isn't good because it holds all of that gunk inside. Howard was making noise and humming so he couldn't hear all of that. Howard said he thinks he'd still wear a tampon. Howard said Robin is ruining vagina for him.
Howard asked when you know when to change your tampon. Robin said you have to do it every few hours. Howard asked if you can tell when it's really sloppy. Robin said it can leak on you if it gets too sloppy. Howard asked when you know your period is coming. Robin said you feel your body changing. Howard asked if it feels like pee. Robin said you can't feel it like that. Howard said Sal is back there jerking off to this conversation. Robin said you don't have control over what comes out of your vagina. Robin said you feel the wet outside but that's it. Fred was playing vomiting sounds and Howard was making noises like he was getting sick. Howard said poor women...
Howard said some company that makes these panties was hacked. Howard asked who would hack that. He said they were looking to find the hacker and they think it was a company insider. Howard asked what they would do with that information. Robin said she thinks it's more about the identity theft. Howard asked why he would buy period panties. Howard said just use old panties. Robin said maybe you want some nice panties on that day. Robin said she imagines it's just an internet company. Howard said you're going out to buy shitty panties to wear during your period. Howard said he gets why women would want those panties but he doesn't get why they'd sell specific panties for that.
Howard wondered if Caitlyn Jenner has period panties. Robin said she doesn't think so. Howard said he should start a band called Period Panties.
Howard said Richard needs panties for shitting your pants. Robin said they have them and they're called diapers.
Howard said he had a hit when they contacted Joan Rivers from the grave. Howard said they're going to do this until the audience doesn't like it anymore. Howard played another vaping tip from Scott the Engineer. Howard said he's killing himself with all of the vaping and smoking. He has trouble breathing through the tip. Howard and Fred did impressions of Scott for a short time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they need less Steve from Florida. Howard said Steve is coming in next week to walk around outside in a thong with people yelling ''Shame'' at him. Howard said he'll have to repeat everything he says and yell it out on the street. Howard said he'll look like Borat in the thong. The caller said they should put him in period panties. Howard told the guys to buy some for Steve. Howard played a Steve from Florida song parody. Howard said Daniel Mendelson has a great voice.
The caller asked if they can have Richard wear the panties first. Howard hung up on him. Howard said period panties might be the way to go. Gary said they'll get a few and have him do a fashion show. Gary said Shuli was telling him that Steve's biggest fear is that doing the shame thing is fine for them but he's afraid that they're going to get it on FOX News or some other show. Howard said he's so delusional. He said Steve thinks the show has more influence than it does. Howard said they barely care about Steve. He said FOX and Jimmy Fallon don't care about him. Gary said he thinks Steve thinks they're interested in Steve on other shows.
Howard said he's going to take a break and then do the Joan Rivers thing. Robin asked Howard about Yoko Ono and her name being added to ''Imagine'' with a writing credit. Howard said John Lennon did say that Yoko contributed to the song and he should have named her as a co-writer. Howard said there is some movement to make sure that happened. Robin said there was some group that was honoring her with that. Howard said John doesn't care now. He said it is hard to believe that she had anything to do with it. He said he remembers seeing her screaming over the song. Howard said they should take John's name off it and just make it a Yoko song. Fred had the song playing and he played Yoko screaming over it. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he's playing air drums to that song. Howard said he's in a good groove. Robin said it's too bad he doesn't have real drums. Howard said he thinks he's nailing it. He said his right hand is hitting the snare. He said he's not sure what his left hand is doing. Howard said he's a really good musician.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said Alexa with Howard 100 is so great. He said you don't even have to say Sirius. You just said Alexa, Howard 100. Howard said he's afraid that it's spying on him. Robin said Howard once said he doesn't care if they're spying on him because he has nothing to hide. Howard said now he cares.
Ralph said he thinks he should have Steve from Florida wear something pretty. He said he should have some diamond studded something. Howard said maybe they should get him some Victoria's Secret stuff. Ralph said put some wings on him too.
Howard asked what he was going to do here. Robin said he was going to do the seance. Howard said he was going to talk about something else.
Howard asked Jason to put up the clip of Michael Winslow from Police Academy. He said there's a guy playing guitar on the street and Michael Winslow sings and even does that part in the Zeppelin song where it goes ''way down inside'' and it's like an echo. He said Michael does the whole thing. He said then he does the guitar parts and all of the stuff the guy isn't playing. Howard said he has a link up on HowardStern.com. Jason had already put it up. Howard said he's not used to this efficiency.
Howard played a clip of Michael Winslow and this guy performing the song. Howard said that Michael is doing all of the other stuff that the guitar player isn't doing. Howard said just wait until they get to the part he was talking about. He said that it's such a useless talent. Howard said he must do live shows. Robin said maybe he's a street performer. Howard said Steve Gutenberg can't do this and he got more money for Police Academy. Howard said that's Michael doing all of that with his voice.
Howard said you have to watch him do this. He said he's jealous of that. Robin said he's done it with a bunch of musicians on different shows. Howard said he thinks Michael should be hailed a little bit. Robin said no one knows how to use that talent. Howard said it can get annoying at times.
Howard eventually got through to fake Joan Rivers. Howard said they are now in contact with Joan. Howard asked Joan about heaven and if she recognizes anyone up there. Joan said Roger Moore is there. She said that he puts a napkin on his lap when he's eating her out.
Howard asked Joan who else is up there. Joan said Adam West just got there and his new catch phrase is ''To the hearse!'' instead of ''To the Batmobile.''
Howard said it's weird talking to a dead person. Howard said they've lost a lot of celebrities lately. Joan said that Mary Tyler Moore is no more. Howard said she seems like she's full of material.
Howard asked about Florence Henderson. Joan had some jokes about her and about Gregg Allman. Howard asked about Chris Cornell. Joan said she asked him to hang out and he started without her.
Howard said Chuck Berry died too. Joan said he's a wonderful man. Rest in piss. Howard said he still loves her and her humor. Howard said Chuck Berry practically invented rock and roll. Joan said he's trying to piss all over her right now.
Howard asked about Erin Moran. Joan said she's starring in a new show called Joanie Loves Maggots.
Howard said he thinks that's all he has for her. Joan said Joey Boots has a message for High Pitch Erik. She said ''See you next weekend'' is the message.
Howard said they also lost Nicole Bass. Joan said she accidentally cut her jugular while shaving. Howard said that's not true.
Howard brought up Roger Ailes. Joan had some things to say about him too. Howard said it's a success talking to Joan. Joan said that Bruce Jenner's penis just showed up. She said it's going to make a great dildo for her. Howard said he just lost contact with Joan. She was chasing after Bruce Jenner's penis as that was ending.
Howard said he has some audio of Bill on this One America News Network. Bill was on Skype from his home on Long Island. Howard said they could connect with astronauts better than with Bill on Skype. In the clip Bill was over modulated. Howard did an impression of what that sounds like.
Howard said Bill went from FOX News to Skype. He said now he sounds like he's in a bomb shelter. Howard said he sounds like he's inside a giant falalfel. Howard had the echo going and he was over modulating and talking about running out of oxygen. Howard said that has to fuck with his head.
Robin said he has to listen back to it and know how bad it sounds. Howard said he's been totally exiled from society. Howard said it's fucking crazy. He said he still sounds arrogant. Robin said she can't even make out what he's saying. Howard said no one cares.
Howard said that Bill must not be getting much from his own web site. Robin asked if Howard would have him on. Howard said he's not sure he would come on. He said he might pres him. Howard fucked up his microphone with the impression earlier. Howard said now he sounds like Bill O'Reilly. He said don't talk about Bill or your microphone will go out. Howard said listen to that. He said he must have stretched the limits. Gary said they can replace it. Howard asked if he broke the microphone. He may have.
Howard asked how long it takes to replace it. Gary said a minute. Howard said just play a song and they'll fix it.
Howard asked what song he has. Fred had a few choices. Fred played some Jimi Hendrix. Howard said they'll see how fast Jim McClure can change out a microphone.
Howard came back after a short time. His microphone was back to normal. Howard said Jim did good until he hit the tape accidentally. He said the microphone smells like Jim's hand. Howard said it took about a minute. He said he hit the board and that's when the guy was talking. Howard said he's going to see if he can break this microphone now. He said it took 65 seconds to change it out.
Howard said he bets he could do it through the harmonizer and not break the microphone. Howard said he was having fun doing the Bill impression but now he's afraid to do it again. Howard asked if he can over modulate with the harmonizer. Scott came in and showed him what to do. He had a wireless microphone to do it with. Howard used the other microphone to do the over modulation and echo. Howard said it doesn't work the same. He said he can't do the impression now. Howard said it's no fun. Howard asked how many more microphones they have. They said they have one more. Howard said they're like 10 grand a pop. He said the company has a lot of money.
Howard asked where they were. Robin said they heard Bill's voice for a second before Howard went off on a tangent. Howard played more of the clip of Bill on that news network. Howard laughed when he heard it again. Robin was cracking up too. Howard said the poor guy doesn't even know he's over modulated. Howard said CNN seems to be able to do it but not these guys. Howard played more of the audio and Bill was still over modulated. Howard said he sounds like Alexander Graham Bell making the first phone call. Howard played that clip and said that's like when King of All Blacks calls in. Howard said he was calling in from Jersey.
Howard played more of the Bill clip and they must have turned down the volume. He didn't sound as over modulated. Bill said he's been busy with some legal things lately. Howard said maybe he thinks he'll be vindicated and get back on a network. Howard said he wishes he'd just get real instead of having that bravado. Howard said he makes it sound like nothing has really changed. Howard said that was good. He had to hear it again so he replayed the clip.
Howard went through more of the audio and said he can't wait to hear the announcements that Bill has to make. Howard said he believes they are coming.
Howard heard Bill talking about the books he's writing and he said something about writing a kid's book. Howard asked if he's really writing a kid's book. Howard jokingly said he's writing about how all women are bitches for a kid's book. Howard said Bill is still going on the road with Dennis Miller. Bill talked about that in this interview. He said the show is wild. Robin wondered how wild that show could be. Howard said he shoots a falafel out of a t-shirt cannon. Howard said then he performs all of Ronnie's sex tips on stage. That's how wild it gets. Howard said maybe they should get some tickets. Gary said they were looking them up and they're half empty so they could buy some.
Howard wondered what could be wild at a show with Bill O'Reilly in it. He said he can't imagine. Robin said she would love to know. Robin said she's never thought of him being wild. Howard said maybe he comes out in period panties and marches around the stage reenacting his ''We'll do it live'' tape from when he was on Inside Edition. Howard asked if he should take a break. He said Ashton Kutcher is coming in. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard came back and said that Ashton Kutcher is there. He said Ashton is working with Netflix now. Howard said he's been a few years. He said Ashton is handsome as ever. Howard asked how he is. Ashton said he's good and asked Howard how he is. Howard asked if he gets freaked out about shaking hands. Ashton said he was sick for 4 out of the past 6 months and his doctor told him he has to Purell. Howard said he has it in his wife's purse and in his own pockets. He said he might be over using it. Ashton said he has young kids too and they bring home death when they go out to pre-school.
Howard said his kids were sick all the time too. Howard asked how old his kids are. Ashton said they're 2 1/2. He said it's like a death zone in the school they're in. He said he has a 6 month old too. He said the kid is a little thug. He said the older one might be polluting him.
Howard said the kids will get you sick. He said what are you going to do. Ashton said you just get better. Howard said his therapist had to work with him on that. He said he told him he'll get sick and get better. Ashton said he's so vain that he has to work out. He said he feels better when he does. Howard said he's expected to look good. Ashton said he found a grey hair on his head. Howard said he doesn't dye his hair. He said that he has some grey though.
Howard said he has to thank Ashton and his wife Mila Kunis. He said they were on The Bachelor and gave a ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard said they were on together and he was surprised to see them on there. Ashton said they watch this thing religiously. Howard said he loves it. Ashton said he thinks it's fantastic. Howard said there are a lot of hot chicks on the show. Ashton said he has a proclivity toward The Bachelor since there are more women on the show. He said they like to turn on the one on one dates and shut the sound off and imitate what the conversation probably is. He said you know that conversation is just not wonderful.
Howard said he has a group of friends who came over and they watched The Bachelor and they have laser pointers that the point to pick out things that you don't notice. Howard said they had one show where the mother was drinking from a vodka bottle and he never would have noticed it until his friend circled it. Howard said it's crazy.
Howard said Ashton is a macho guy and it helps him when he knows he watches. Ashton said he's obsessed with it. He said he hasn't seen this week yet so don't spoil anything. He said he and his wife have to watch it together. Howard said he and Beth used to watch it together but they now watch it separately. He said it's just not the same.
Howard said Ashton got pissed at Twitter and stopped using it. Ashton said he's using Flipboard for his news these days. He said he invested in it a long time ago. Howard said he has to know his whole investment philosophy. He said he must have made a billion from investing in Uber and things like that. Howard asked what he invested in that. Ashton said it was a couple million maybe. Howard said they must have to give him shares. Ashton said they do. He said he didn't invest the first time he heard the idea. He said he was on a bus with the guy who invented Zappos. He said that the guy who came up with Uber, Travis Kalanick, was just let go today. He said he thinks he knows he made some mistakes and did some things he shouldn't have done. He said society today is so fast to judge people. He said you have to let people learn from their mistakes. He said he's not sure of what the damage is on the inside though.
Howard said it must be emotional for Ashton. He said he thinks he's still on the board. He said he knows his intent as a human is good. He said the company isn't a 60 billion dollar company without him. Howard said it has to be hard to get a business like that going. Ashton said it's crazy how complicated it is. He said the company wouldn't be where it is without a guy like him. Ashton said he's not sure removing him is the best thing for the company. He said he knows sometimes that has to happen to move on though.
Howard said Ashton is a really smart investor. He said that he always plays a goofy guy when he's acting but he's very good at investing. Howard said their company gave Ashton like $100 million to invest. Ashton said they did.
Ashton said on the Uber front he's not sure what's going on. He said he knows Travis isn't a bad guy. Howard asked why Uber is allowing tipping now. Ashton said their competitor, Lyft, allows tipping. Ashton said there was a study that was done about tipping. He said the idea of Uber was to just make it easy to get in and out of the car. He said tipping you have to have a lower base salary. He said that they were always about not tipping. He said they built tips into the cost. Ashton said competitors were doing it so they had to go that way. Howard said it's a tough decision.
Howard said if someone comes to Ashton with an idea like Uber what happens. Ashton said he was on this party bus and he was pitched this idea. He was asking Travis if he thinks it's going to work. He said he wasn't sure that the Uber X and things like that were going to work so he passed on it. He had a buddy who invested and he continued to talk about it. He said then his ideas opened up when the Uber X thing came about. He said that's when he invested.
Howard said Ashton invested a few million. Ashton said it was just a million. He said that's kind of scary but there's also a pattern recognition where you see the value and you can see it. Ashton said they did some looking into it before they did invest. He said he has a whole team now. He said it was just a few people back when he started out but they have more people now. He said they have two different funds and they can invest with all of that. Howard asked how he has time for acting. Ashton said he has time.
Howard said Ashton invested 2.5 million in AirBNB. Ashton said he wasn't sure that would work either. He said they got some traction and the founders of the company are great. He said they're artists. Howard asked how they came to him about the money. Ashton said they had some traction going in San Francisco. He said they started out offering air mattresses in their apartment. Ashton said he actually tried it out. He said he lived in one for a year after his divorce. He said he wanted to understand the whole way it worked so he did that for a year.
Ashton said he has a guy who drives him there in New York and he had his place rented out to someone with AirBNB. He said that it was someone from Japan so it brings the whole world together.
Howard asked how he knew how to do all of this. Ashton said he didn't know. He said he finds products he likes and he buys them. He said he invests in the companies that he likes. He said he'll try out the stuff. Howard asked if he should invest in the Miss Jennie hair product. Ashton laughed.
Howard asked if he has had failures too. Ashton said about 90 percent of the things are just going to disappear. Howard said he invested in Skype early on. Ashton said he invested when it was broken off from Ebay. Howard said he does have misses then. Ashton said he does. He said a lot of the social media stuff picks up early but then it just goes away.
Ashton said he didn't invested in Snapchat. He said he passed on it three times. Ashton said he was asking his fans what they were using and they were using Snapchat. He tried it and didn't get it. He said he misses some things. He said there was an app called Secret that let you say things without being judged. He said he thought it was brilliant. He said they came out of Square which was another company he invested in. He said they got some traction early but then it just didn't work.
Howard asked if friends and family are constantly pitching him ideas. Ashton said they are. He said when he was acting he'd be pitched ideas for shows. Ashton said now he gets pitched companies. He said that's interesting because people are trying to come up with things to solve problems in the world.
Ashton said the cooler thing about the whole thing is that he was able to start up his foundation where the fight the sexual exploitation of children. He said they're helping to find kids who are victims of child pornography and things like that. He said yesterday they found 6 kids using their software. He said none of that would have happened if he hadn't met all of these people he's met. He said they pitched in and helped develop this software to identify these kids who are being trafficked.
Howard said he had his wife in and she told them their love story. Howard said he met his wife on that TV show. Ashton said they've known each other for like 20 years. He said that he did her chemistry homework for her on the set. He said he was like 19 and she was 14 at the time. Ashton said he was her first kiss. Howard asked if it was weird kissing a 14 year old. Ashton said it was. He wasn't sure if it was legal. He said it was really awkward. Howard said he had no attraction to her at the tie. Ashton said she was like a little sister to him.
Howard said Mila said she looked at him like he wasn't that attractive back then. Ashton said that's not true. He said she has a journal where she wrote about him. He said he was just annoying to her because he was like a big brother to her. Howard said it's an amazing story to him.
Howard said Mila started to see Ashton after his divorce from Demi. Ashton said she was broken up from her boyfriend and they were back stage presenting and he saw her and for the first time he was like ''Wow!'' He said that he wondered what happened. Ashton said he tried to set her up with a friend of his. He said she was still like a friend. Howard said he thought he was going to be that single guy for a while. Ashton said he was all about that. He said he was very happy to be that single guy. He said he wanted to be at the AirBNB thing. Howard said he should have been on the pussy boat with the pussy posse.
Howard asked who he was trying to set Mila up with. Ashton said that he's not a famous guy and he doesn't want to be famous. He said he thought he was going to be at a house party he had and he invited Mila there. He said the guy isn't famous. Howard asked what kind of work he's in. Ashton said it's health care. Ashton said that's the kind of guy who would be true to this girl. He said he didn't show up to the party. Ashton said he didn't know what to do. He said they agreed they were going to be casually involved with each other. He said they weren't ready to be in a relationship. Ashton said he thinks every part of her thought she should stay away from this guy.
Ashton said they did stay in touch after the show ''That 70s Show'' was over. He said he kept in touch with everyone because those were the people he knew.
Howard asked where he grew up. Ashton said he grew up in Iowa. Howard said he used to sweep up at General Mills. Ashton said he did janitorial work at General Mills. He said he had a lot of shitty jobs. He said he worked at a butcher shop skinning deer. He was a roofer for a while too. He said skinning deer really sucks. Howard asked if he has Cheerio lung from working at General Mills. Ashton said he always got told he had to work his way through life and he had to go out and make money from the time he was 12 on up. Howard said there must be a lot of dudes who are jealous of him. Ashton said he doesn't really get a lot of blow back. He said it's either that or he's just used to it.
Howard said he was a football player in high school and he only missed one play. Ashton said he threw up on the field after getting kicked in the gut. Howard asked if every chick in school fell for him. Ashton said no.
Howard said he was told to go model when he was in high school. Ashton said it was actually when he was in college. He said he won a contest and moved to New York. He said it was a modeling contest. He said they set up this thing in a mall and he won. He said this was crazy. Robin said he probably would have won against girls.
Ashton said he came to New York for another contest and he came in second to Josh Duhamel. Howard said he's a good looking dude too. Howard said it's good he lost to a guy like that. Ashton said he had a hundred bucks in his pocket and he called home to his dad and said he's not coming home. He said he stuck it out even though his dad wanted him to come home.
Howard said Ashton auditioned for That 70's Show and some other show. Ashton said it was a Bo Derek show. He said he got both roles and NBC told him to choose one of them. He picked That 70s Show. Ashton said there was nothing on FOX at the time other than The Simpsons and Married with Children. He said he understood the 5 kids smoking weed in a basement together. He said the Bo Derek show was about cowboy surfers in Hawaii. Howard said that was on NBC. Ashton said it was a big production and they had a group that had churned out high quality stuff. Howard said no one gets that kind of action like Ashton did. Howard asked if it went to his head. Ashton said he had a good 5 years where he was pretty sure he was awesome.
Howard said he got Dude Where's My Car during that time. Ashton said he had a good run of really successful things back to back. Howard said he had Punk'd too. Howard asked if he thinks he pissed a lot of people off. Ashton said he's sure he was an asshole. He said he had people tell him he was an asshole. He said Mila even told him that he was an asshole.
Howard asked how he was an asshole. Ashton said when you have that kind of run of success it's hard to self regulate. He said you don't have people telling you ''no.''
Howard said the Bo Derek show only lasted 6 episodes. Howard said he probably didn't know that. Ashton said he didn't.
Howard asked Ashton about going out with the Bush daughters and if he thought about taking them home. Ashton said he didn't want to do that. He said he had to apologize to one of them because he did talk about it. He talked about it in Rolling Stone. Howard said just imagine the book he could write. Ashton said he's had a weird 20 years. Howard said the Paparazzi were trying to get pictures of his kids when they were born. Ashton said that sucks. He said he's learned after years of complaining about it that it's not worth complaining about.
Howard said Ashton has Mila at his party and then they start making out. He said they keep it casual because Mila knows he's not ready to be in a relationship. Ashton said that they had just done movies about things that was like what they were living. He said it was weird and fast. Howard asked if he was on a high. Ashton said he thinks that he may have been the one who made the move. He said he was smoking at the time and she had quit. He said she wanted to just shotgun the smoke so they did that and it got closer and closer through the night. Howard said that had to be awkward. Howard said she must have been trying to figure out how to kiss him. Ashton said it was super awkward.
Ashton said he told Mila she had to stay the night and she wanted to go home. He said she ended up staying the night. Ashton said that Mila wanted to stop and they did end it for like 2 hours. He said they did that and then he was like fine and they hooked up. Howard said he wants to pleasure himself over that story. <>Howard said that he had Jon Cryer in there and Hugh Grant too. He said that he was supposed to get the role on 2 and a Half Men. He said he was shocked that Ashton took that role. Ashton said he was shocked too. He said he was sitting with his old agent who was his first agent. He said there was a giant motivation to keep the show going to get to syndication. He said that he was talking about it with this guy and he said he can't believe that Charlie Sheen was letting that money go. He said that sitcoms are the easiest jobs in show business. Howard said you have to remember the whole script though. Ashton said that you do have to memorize like 30 pages in a night. He said the schedule isn't crazy. He said in a movie you shoot for 13-14 hours. He said the sitcom thing is a regular day that you can stay home for. He said you can build a life with that job.
Ashton said he told his agent if they offered him that kind of money he'd take it. He said he went fishing with his dad and he gets a call and they offered him the job. Ashton said he had to make this decision on something that he didn't expect to come to him. Ashton said it was a very nice payday. Howard said he was making $7 million per episode. Ashton was speechless. He said there was all the hair of what's Charlie going to say and how is it going to play out. He said that there were people who were fans of Charlie who weren't fans of his. He said it was a different show so he gets it. He said he had a meeting with Chuck Lorre. Ashton said Charlie had some issues and it is what it is. He said he doesn't understand his choices but he made the choice he made. Robin said that if you have success young it can make you a jackass.
Howard said Chuck Lorre must have been hesitant to hire anyone after getting burned. Ashton said he thinks he was. He said that Charlie was his friend. They stuck with Charlie through a lot and they were shocked that he didn't stick with them. Ashton said Charlie was going off in the media and he just looked at it and figured he can say whatever he wants. He said at the end of the say he wanted to help them out and get them to the finish line of where they wanted to be.
Howard said Charlie was in the news a lot and they got Ashton to replace him. Howard said he must have felt so much pressure. Ashton said he just knew that his job was to just do his job and not worry about it. Howard asked if he waited for the ratings to come in. Ashton said he kind of didn't care. He said he was hopeful it would do well but he just knew that his only job was to do his job. He said it wasn't going to live on him. He said it was their ability to make a new show that was a good show. He said he had the comfort of knowing that he'd take some bullets from Charlie. He said Charlie has come up to him and said he hopes he knows he didn't mean it. He said he's said some things that he thought might hurt. He said he didn't take them to heart. He said that he assumes people are good at heart and he doesn't hold that grudge.
Howard said Jon Cryer seems like a nice guy. Ashton said he's like the nicest guy. He said the family of people on that show were all great. He said a lot of them came to work on The Ranch which is on Netflix. Howard asked what that show is. Ashton said there were some writers on Two and a Half Men who were wondering what to do next. He said they were thinking of doing a spin off on CBS and they had this idea that there wasn't anything servicing Middle America on TV. He said they came up with Duck Dynasty and FOX News. He said when he grew up as a kid he watched Roseanne. He said that's what he related to living in Iowa. He said that's the kind of thing they wanted to build. He said Danny Masterson from That 70s Show wanted to work with him again so they ended up doing this. He said he came back and put this script down in front of Netflix and they were okay with it. Howard asked if they give them notes. Ashton said they do but it's not a lot. He said 95 percent of the time they're in 100 percent agreement. Howard said this is the third season. Ashton said it's the third part but the second season. Howard asked if he likes that they give the episodes out like that. Ashton said he loves binge watching. He said they shoot 20 episodes in a season but they release 10 at a time. He said it kind of works though.
Howard asked how family life is. Ashton said it's exceptional. He said he loves hanging out with his kids. He said Mila is working on a movie so he's staying home with the kids. He said Mila is the best. He said he had a horrible dream that she had an affair on him. He said he woke up at 3:30 in the morning and almost called her about it. Howard asked if it was that Josh Dumont guy or whoever he is. Ashton said it was just some guy she was working on a movie with. Ashton said he was actually upset with her when he woke up. He said she's had the same kind of dreams about him and she gets mad at him like he really did something.
Howard asked how great Mila is. Ashton said she's the best. He said she is the best mom and she's hard working and so smart. Howard asked if she ever makes him be the bad guy with the kids. He said they're both the bad guy. Howard asked if they are going to have enough kids. Ashton said 2 kids works. He said he's not sure if they're going to have more.
Howard asked if enjoys being around the kids. Ashton said he loves it. He said when he was 25 he was with Demi and she had a couple of kids so he got to help raise them. Howard asked if he's still in touch with them. Ashton said he still talks to them. Howard asked if it's tough not to be around them. Ashton said it hurts. He said he's sure at some point he'll be able to get there. He said it has to be super awkward for them too. He said he was 25 so he was helping raise those kids. He said he was 35 or so when he had his son Wyatt. Howard asked if he went on set with Mila on her new movie. Howard asked who her love interest is. Ashton said it's Jay Hernandez. He said the movie stuff really doesn't bug him at all. Howard said that's where that stuff comes from. He said she's on the set making out with someone else. Ashton said that they both do it though.
Howard asked if he has scenes with chicks on The Ranch. Ashton said he does. He said they both understand what it is. He said neither of them have an issue with it. Howard said when he met his wife she had to kiss a guy on a sitcom and he didn't like it. Ashton said it would be super awkward if that wasn't your job.
Howard said Ashton must have fallen in love on set. Ashton said he thinks you can fool yourself into thinking you're in love. He said he has learned that you're doing a lot of stuff to get yourself into the role.
Howard asked if Ashton ever met Steve Jobs. Ashton said he didn't. He said that he played him in the movie and he's glad he didn't meet him. He said he thinks he would have gone too far with the role. Howard said he did go on the fruit diet he was on and he had to be hospitalized over it. Ashton said he wanted to get in that mindset and see what he was dealing with. He said that control freak in him made him brilliant.
Howard asked if he still loves Apple without Steve. Ashton hesitated for a few seconds. He said he still thinks they have some brilliant things. He said some of the things that were done were done by people around him. He said they have some products that are still tops. He said he has both an iPhone and Android himself. He said they beta test on both systems so he needs to have both. Howard said he's way into this stuff.
Howard asked if Tim Cook is good or should he be replaced. Ashton said he thinks he's doing a fine job. He said he's not an insider or anything. Howard told him to be Steve Jobs now. He said he really looked like Steve Jobs in the movie. Ashton said he studied all of his mannerisms. Ashton said he thinks what Steve did that was interesting and powerful is that he was so maniacal. He said eliminating the disc drive and things like that were so bold. Howard said he was pissed when he made some of those decisions. Ashton said sometimes having a dictator in a company like that is good. He said the buck stopped with him. He said they were really late moving to streaming music. He said Spotify has been eating their lunch. Howard asked if he invested in Spotify. Ashton said he did. Howard asked how much he invested. Ashton said a million bucks. Howard said he should come to him and give him some of those deals. Ashton said Howard stopped returning his calls. He said Howard stopped flying and coming to parties.
Howard said Ashton has said it all. He said that Ashton is now on a show called The Ranch and it's on Netflix.
Ashton said he has to do one last plug for this show. He said the show is a representation of middle America and it's raunchy and fun. He said the thing it does if you stick with it is take on some social issues. He said it's in a funny way and he hopes the show is a jump off point for dialog to open up around the country. Howard said now he's said it all.
Howard asked Ashton to give his wife a hug and kiss from him. He said he can give her even more if he wants to. Howard said he hopes she stops cheating on him in his dreams too. Howard thanked him for giving the ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' on the Bachelorette too. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that. As they went to break they played a phony phone call they had John Stamos make to Tan Mom.
Howard said Ashton is quite impressive with the investing. Howard said he and Robin just laugh at them and don't invest. Robin said it's awful. Robin said they see something and buy it. He sees something and he invests in it. Howard said maybe he should invest in their Miss Jessie hair gel. Howard said he and Robin might have to invest. Howard said imagine they sink their dough into hair gel.
Howard said maybe they should just go to news and be done with it. They played Robin into her news with a song parody. Howard said that was sent in by Tit Jagger. It was to the tune of a Rolling Stones song.
Robin read that the Bachelor in Paradise is back in production. Robin said they did an internal investigation and there was no criminal activity going on. Robin said they are ready to resume production but Corrine says her own attorneys are going to continue their investigation. Robin said she may not be coming back but the rest of the crew will. Howard played a Bachelor in Paradise bit where they had some oral sex sounds and snoring sounds. Howard said Bill Cosby is excited about the new season.
Robin said OJ Simpson is in prison but there have been stories coming out about his parole hearing coming up in October. Robin said there's a new story about him every week now. Robin said this seems like a campaign to keep it in the public's mind. Robin said they're making it like Mark David Chapman's trial. Robin said that it's still not happening until October. Howard said Brent is informing him of every move OJ makes.
Robin read a story about Madonna swapping out one male model for another male model. Howard said this is an older woman who is fucking some younger guys and people get worked up about that. Howard said her vagina has the appetite of a 20 year old. Howard said we want to know who she's having sex with. Robin said they gave that story a whole page in the paper. Howard said it gives women a great feeling.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has a question about Robin. She said Robin has always said she created a character on air. She wondered what her personality is off the air. She asked if she's like ''Yo, yo, yo'' off the air. Howard said she is very radicalized. Howard asked Robin to do that. Robin said she doesn't have that accent. Howard said she has diamond encrusted teeth off air. The caller said they had Robin's picture in a Train concert they went to. She also said that she grew up with Sour Shoes and she has stories about him that she'd love to share but she knows he doesn't have time today. Howard said another time then. He let her go after that.
Robin read a story about an ex-NFL player who came out and said he was gay the whole time he was playing and he felt he had to stay closeted. Robin said he felt he might have to commit suicide during that time. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard asked if Robin can't stand to look at him when Ashton Kutcher is in the room. Robin told him to stop it. Howard said they were taking pictures together and he was like ''Oh, two good looking guys taking pictures together.''
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Robin is the most beautiful woman ever. She was also saying hi to her boyfriend and things like that so Howard hung up on her.
Robin read a story about a teacher who has been charged with sexual assault. Robin said a special education teacher, a woman, was charged with sexual assault with an 18 year old student. Robin said that's crazy. Robin read some details about that story.
Robin read a story about Barry Gibb saying that he thinks that something happened to him as a kid and he may have been sexually assaulted. Robin said he didn't get into details about what happened or who did it.
Robin read a story about a man who protected his dog from a snake bite. Robin said he heard a rattlesnake sound coming from his pool pump and his dog was by the pump so he held the dog away and the guy got bitten by the snake. Robin said that he was quickly taken to the hospital and he's doing fine. Robin said he took the hit for his dog. Howard said he would have run the other way. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he lived in Arizona at one point and he had to suck the poison out of Fred's penis once after it got bitten by a snake. He said that's the story they told the police anyway.
Robin read a story about Daniel Day Lewis retiring from acting. Robin said just stop instead of telling everyone. Howard said he feels like he's kind of out there. He said maybe it's draining to be him being so into those characters he plays. Robin said he could just go away. Howard said he's going to tell people when he retires. Robin said he's there every day while Lewis is in a movie every few years. Robin said he seems to think that acting is a little silly. Robin said he is 60 years old. Howard asked if he's in good health. Robin said he's in fine health and he's making a movie now but that will be his last one. Howard said he thinks he's like The Who and he's not going anywhere. Howard said he'll be back just like The Who.
Robin read a story about a new study that says kids are taking hormones because they think they're a different gender. Robin said they think it might have long term effects on these kids. Howard said that's heavy stuff. He said you start growing tits you know something is happening. Howard said Cher's son was in there and he wanted facial hair but even he knew it's not medically sound. He said you're risking your health with that. Robin asked what Howard would do if his child came to him saying they wanted to wear pants instead of a dress. Howard said he doesn't know what you do. He said it's not an easy road. Robin said to start injecting things is a tough thing to think about. Howard thought about it for a minute as if his son came to him asking to grow titties. Howard said he knows people who have been through that and it's a tough decision. Robin said it's awful to have to figure all of that out. Fred played a clip of Benjy making sounds and Howard said that's his son doing that. Fred said that's the pain of the breasts growing.
Robin read a story about a guy who hooked up with someone online and ended up dead. Robin said she had a story yesterday about a guy who was killed after a threesome went wrong. Robin said this was a gay bondage thing that went wrong. Robin said the police are saying whatever happened the guy wound up dead. Robin said these crazy online hookups you have to be careful with. Howard said he's not into gay bondage anymore. Robin said you have to be able to trust the person you're with. Howard asked Robin if she's ever been tied up. Robin said she doesn't think she has.
Robin read a story about Joe Scarborough and his co-host Mika who are in a relationship. Robin said Joe has his own little band that he goes out performing with. Howard said Fred has a band called King Norris. Fred said he just calls it the Fred Norris Band now. Howard asked what happened to King Norris. Fred said it's retired. Robin ended up cracking up over that. Fred said that he remembers a story about Robin being handcuffed once. Robin said it was just one hand. She said she had one hand free. Robin read more about the Joe and Mika thing. Howard said they adopted cats from Beth. Howard asked what happened sexually when that guy had Robin handcuffed. Robin said nothing really. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about today being Selfie day. Howard said he'll be sure to hide in his apartment. Robin said that people in London are asking people to stop taking Selfies in front of the building that burned recently. Robin said they're asking for more respect from people. Robin said people used to go to Auschwitz and take pictures behind the barbed wire. Howard said that's awful. He said he and Fred have a picture where Fred throws him into an oven.
Robin read a story about the big election in Georgia where they spent more money than ever for an election like that. Robin said that the Republican won of course. Robin said it was a big waste of money. Robin had some audio of the woman who won.
Robin read a story about Sean Spicer and how he might be replaced. Robin said all of the press briefings are very special now. Robin had some audio from a press conference he had yesterday. Robin had a few clips from the press conference about various subjects.
Robin read a story about a university that reports that fake news is making it harder for legitimate news organizations. Robin said it's taking longer to set the record straight because of fake news. Robin had an audio clip of someone talking about that.
Howard said Robin was handcuffed around a refrigerator. Robin said she really doesn't remember that. She quickly got back to her news story.
Robin said someone texted her and said she can't believe that Robert Redford and Meryl Streep were getting married. Robin said she asked where she got that news and it was on the internet. Howard said he sticks to the NY Times and papers like that. He said they have to answer to certain authorities. He said on the internet no one is accountable.
Robin said a big change is coming to DC licenses. Robin said you can get a gender neutral license starting next Monday. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about Prince Phillip being in the hospital. Robin said he has an infection that he had to be hospitalized for.
Robin had some tips on keeping hydrated this summer. Robin had some clips of a dietician giving advice on that. Howard said just drink water.
Robin read a story about Kim Kardashian planning on using a surrogate to have a third child. Robin said she's paying a woman $45,000 total for the surrogate.
Robin said Jay Z is changing the spelling of his name again back to Jay-Z. He had changed it to Jay Z without the hyphen but now he's changing it back.
Robin read about Tiger Woods checking into a rehab center for his problems.
Robin read a story about a lawyer who joined President Trump's legal team having a band. She had some audio of the band playing ''Dust in the Wind'' and the singer in the band is from the band Kansas.
Robin said Chris Cornell's daughter took to Facebook to talk about her dad. Robin said he committed suicide not too long ago and his 12 year old daughter talked about her favorite memories of her dad. Robin said she did this on Father's day and said ''You are the best dad anyone could ever have. Happy Father's day.'' Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.