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Howard was back from vacation this morning. He started the show talking about how everyone loves Baba Booey, Hey Now and Hit 'em with the Hein. Howard said he has an entire grouping of ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' mentions. He said they're very prominent. He said Gary was telling him about going to Oldchella. He said they had people like Dylan, the shithead Roger Waters and people like that. Howard said Roger said something about Israel again. Howard said he doesn't understand why he lives in this country. He said the guy is consumed with the Jews.
Howard said Gary told him he heard a ton of ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' while he was out there. Gary said some people say that instead of Baba Booey now. Howard said Gary was telling him about the Oldchella thing with the Stones, Paul McCartney and The Who. Gary said it was two acts a night for 7 nights in a row. Howard asked how many people went to that thing. Gary said about 80,000. He said the tickets were like $3-4000 for the week or a few hundred for a weekend. Gary said he was able to get tickets without paying. Howard said look at Baba Booey. He said he must have gotten them through Sirius. Gary said he still had to pay for the hotel and travel. Gary said he didn't have anyone flying him out. Gary said Cindy Crawford, Julia Louis Dreyfus, David Spade and others were there so no one was paying attention to Baba Booey. Howard asked if he got a hotel discount. Gary said no.
Howard asked what time of day you go to that. Gary said the doors open at 3 but the show started around 6:20 when the sun goes down. He said the second band goes on around 9:15 and they have to be done by 12:30. Howard said he heard Dylan was the weak link. Gary said he hates to say it but he was. He said he did a song you know but it was less recognizable. He said it turned into one long monotone. Gary said he heard a rumor that he asked them to turn off the big TV screens. Howard said Dylan had a bug up his ass about that so no one was able to see the guy. Howard said they shouldn't have paid him. He said the deal was that they can show him. He said he's a fuck head. Howard said he's a performer so he knew he would have a camera on him.
Gary said as soon as the Stones came on you forgot about Dylan. He said the people who put on the show were geniuses. Gary said when the Stones were on no one was going to get food. When Dylan was on everyone was getting food.
Howard had some audio of Dylan performing. Robin laughed when she heard it. Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing clips of Joe Frazier mumbling along to some music. Howard talked to him as if he was Bob Dylan.
Howard played more of the Dylan stuff and Gary said he thinks he cut his set short. He said he did like an hour and 40 minutes. Gary said no one complained about that though. Howard asked if he got to hang with the people like David Spade and Cindy Crawford. Gary said he did. He said Sirius had a luxury box there and they invites some of those people up. Gary said they had some other people from Sirius there. Gary said they had some DJs from the stations there and some from some other radio stations. Gary said they were broadcasting from there all weekend. Gary said they'd grab some celebrities and interview them up there. Howard asked if Cindy was wearing cut offs or anything. Gary said she wasn't. Howard asked if there were other hot chicks there. Gary said there were a lot of older women there. He said that it looked like an ad for Viagra that was just off by one chromosome. Howard asked if he got to talk to Julia Louis Dreyfus. Gary said he just heard she was there.
Howard asked if David Spade was disappointed that there weren't hot chicks there. Gary said he was sadly disappointed if he went there thinking he'd see Cochella type women.
Howard played some of the Rolling Stones performance. Howard asked how long they performed. Gary said it was like 2 hours and 20 minutes and they had fireworks at the end. Howard said he heard Angela Lansbury took her top off after that.
Howard said Neil Young was there the next night. Howard said that must have been a good night. Howard had some clips of Neil Young's performance. Howard said someone there was complaining about how long this version of the song was. Howard said he could listen to that all day long.
Howard asked if Gary sings along and dances. Gary said sometimes she sings but he doesn't dance. Howard asked if he was there with Crazy Horse. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said he's not sure who the band was. Howard said that means more money for Neil. Howard asked how many were in his band. Gary said it was 6 or 7.
Howard said The Who sound great. He played a clip of Roger Daltrey singing. Howard said he saw on the internet that McCartney and Neil Young partnered up on a song. Gary said they heard there was going to be a surprise. It was Neil Young and McCartney.
Howard said Roger Waters performed. Gary said he was great too. Howard said his music is great but he has a problem with Israel and he has a big mouth. Howard played some of his speech at the end of his performance. Gary said he read a 4 minute long poem and it was all anti-Trump. Howard asked why he even has to do that. Howard said Trump is just putting out his view of what he would do as president. He said if he has a problem with that he has a problem with the people who agree with him. Howard said just play that stupid music of his. Howard said the people are just there to get into the music and get the fuck out. He said that guy is a maniac.
Howard said he runs into Roger once in a while. He said that's really comfortable. He said the guy is a fuck nut. Howard asked what he's doing for anyone. He said he'd like to have a big pig with Roger Waters on it saying ''Fuck Roger Waters.''
Howard said he's reading a book about Paul Simon. He said all he did was practice his music his whole life. Howard said that's what he should have done so he could have his own band.
Howard asked if Cindy Crawford was there all 3 nights. Gary said that he's not sure. He said she was there with her kids. Howard said she should have dressed hot. Howard asked what her husband wore. Gary said they all looked very normal. Howard said anyone can look normal.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they're going to do a Best of Trump kind of show. Howard said he gets tons of emails every day asking if he can believe he's the center piece of this whole election. Howard said it kind of infuriated him because they introduced a reporter and the anchorman is introduced as taking credit for uncovering something from the show. Howard said all he did was listen to the show. Howard said they should be talking about how amazing Howard Stern is for uncovering all of this stuff. Howard said the reporter just listened to the interviews.
Howard said this stuff was on the radio and on the air. He said it wasn't in private. Howard said he felt like Trump did his interviews and that's it. He said that he's not going to play them because it might feel like some kind of attack on him. He said he doesn't want guests feeling like that.
Howard said he believes that Hillary Clinton will be a great President like her husband. Howard said he doesn't care about the sex stuff or the Wikileaks stuff. Howard said he doesn't even care that Pam Anderson brought a meal to Julian Asange. Robin said she doesn't like that they're playing around with the election.
Howard said he could be playing the tapes in their entirety. Howard said he's not going to do that. Howard said the tapes aren't intended to fuck someone over. Howard said they were just having a good time. Howard said he knew what he was doing when he interviewed trump. He said he was very open about his opinions. He said he went down those avenues with him because he knew it was entertaining. Howard said he fully knows what he's doing when he does the interviews. Howard said he did call Trump telling him that he isn't releasing the tapes. Howard said he wouldn't do that to his guests. Howard said he is honored that his interviews are used in a way to shape the future of our country. He said it is something he's not participating in though.
Howard said here were two guys talking about their show on CNN and he thinks they got it right. The caller said he thinks it was good. Howard said he has 4 hours to kill so he should play it. Howard let the caller go after that.
Howard played the CNN clip where the reporters were talking about the ''Stern effect'' on this election. They played some clips of Howard talking to Trump about various things. They were also talking about why Trump felt so free to talk about that stuff. They talked to Danny Cevallos about the show. Danny is a frequent guest on the Wrap Up Show. Danny gave his thoughts on the relationship Howard and Trump have. They also talked about how the tapes have been out in the open for the past 10-20 years. Danny talked about how Howard gets people to talk about what's on their mind when they're interviewed. Danny said the guests go where they want to go when they're on Howard's show. Danny said it's kind of surprising that the tapes are being dug up now. The host of the show also brought up how the tapes aren't coming from Howard or his crew. Danny said he doesn't think there is any indication that they are. He said the show breaks news all the time. Danny gave a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' and a Baba Booey at the end of that.
Howard said he has to agree with what they were saying. Howard said most interviewers don't get this kind of thing because they're very robotic with their interviews. Robin said they ask the same questions over and over again. Howard said he didn't think he'd be mentioned so prominently in the election. Robin said he had to know that it would come up eventually with Trump going further and further in the election.
Howard said every news agency and show out there has contacted his agent. He said he's turned down about 500 interviews. He said they want him to talk to them about this but if he wants to talk about it he's going to do it on his own show. Howard said he's not looking to capitalize on this. He said he's not sure what Trump is thinking about him. He said he hasn't spoken to him since before the RNC. Robin said he hopes he's not upset with them. Howard said he could be. Howard said when he said to him on the phone in private that they're going to open up everything and he doesn't get why he'd want to do that. Howard said Trump figured it was going to go fine but he knew it was going to go this far. Howard said he warned him it was going to happen. Howard said this happened to him when he ran for governor of New York. He said he got into it and the polls started going up. Howard said he thinks Trump didn't know it was going to go this far. Robin said she thinks he didn't expect to win.
Howard said when he ran for governor people liked that he was going to stay in office for a couple of days and then drop out. Howard said he was doing so well that he had to get the fuck out of that thing. He said they were going to drag up so much shit. He said he bowed out. Howard said it was a goof that wasn't supposed to go that far.
Howard took a call from a guy who said when Howard talks to people he's talking for an hour and it's unedited. He said the media doesn't get that's why he's the greatest interviewer ever. Howard thanked him for that. Howard said he had Elephant Boy and Kenneth Keith Kallenbach giving his acceptance speeches when he was running for governor. Howard said he never thought people would take it seriously. He said trump should pray that he doesn't win.
Howard said Trump is watching Saturday Night Live and he's Tweeting about that and saying they should cancel Saturday Night Live. Howard said he had a nice life and he shouldn't have gotten involved. Howard asked what the fuck he was thinking. Howard said he should have bowed out.
Robin said he kind of feels bad for Billy Bush with that tape of him and Trump. Howard said he's being crucified over that. Robin said his mistake was asking that woman to give Donald a hug. Robin said that's where it went too far. Howard said he was so squeaky clean and now he's not. Howard said it's great. Howard said he got fired over that. Howard said it would be funny if trump became President and Billy Bush can't get a job. Howard said this is the nuttiest election ever. He said he just wants it over with. He said he just wants to move on.
Howard had a clip of Beetlejuice introducing who they have on the show today. Beet said something but it was hard to understand. Howard had a recording session where the guys tried to get him to say the name Lisa Lampanelli. Beet wasn't able to get her name out.
Howard said he got a lot of feedback about the Beatles Revolver tribute show. Howard said they have that up On Demand now. Howard said it really is good. He said it's all in the app.
Howard had a fake Hillary Clinton tape where they had her talking about how Paul Ryan has a great ass. Howard said they're going to release that in a couple of days. They had Hillary talking about the huge balls on someone and how she was going to grab some hot ass.
Howard said this whole ''Grab them by the pussy'' has inspired Little Mikey to write a song about Robin. Howard played the song for Robin. Howard said it would have been great if Trump and Billy Bush came out of the bus dancing to this song.
Howard said they went to Lenny Dykstra about this pussy talk. He thought he had something there but it wasn't there. Gary said Lenny is being Lenny and he has to talk to him during the break about that. Howard asked if he's running for president. Gary said he should be.
Howard said a lot of people were making a big deal out of Trump sniffling during the debates. Howard said that chick from Star Wars (Carrie Fisher) says that he has a coke habit. Howard said Trump doesn't even drink though. Robin said he had a brother who died from alcohol abuse. Howard said he thinks it was just nerves. Howard played some of his sniffling clips. Robin said she thought he had a cold in the first one but then he did it again in the second one and a cold doesn't last that long.
Howard said he has another song parody where they use the ''Grab 'em by the pussy'' clip. Robin asked if he thinks this is locker room talk. Howard said he has been around guys. He said the show he does is an effort to sort of do ''locker room talk'' and not care what anyone thinks. Howard said he's been around guys and 80 percent of the time you're talking about pussy but no one has ever talked about grabbing pussy. Howard said they talk about what they've done to chicks or what they hope to do to chicks. Howard said they talk about how they'd like to fuck them so hard and things like that. Howard said it's real desperate talk. Howard said locker room talk isn't something to be proud of. Howard said there's some douche bag in there telling stories about fucking women and all of that. Howard said he's heard all of that.
Howard said he's so nervous about being naked in a locker room that he doesn't even think about that stuff. Howard said what he's done on radio is imitate guys. He said he's a good observer of men but he isn't sure if he's one of those guys. Howard said he can hang with guys and get into that. He said he loves talking about women. He said 9 times out of 10 he was talking about what he wanted to do to women and none of them were letting him do it.
Howard said Brent told him that even Marines don't talk like that. He said the guys who get the most pussy are the last ones who talk about it. Howard said he has friends who have fucked some really hot chicks and if you start pressing for details then you're the one who sounds creepy.
Howard had Lee Kingsnatch on the phone to talk about locker room talk. Howard asked what he likes to talk about. Lee said he loves talking about pussy of course. Lee said he's so strait he won't even say Geisha. He says Straightsha. Lee said he makes his wife get on her Japanese if you know what he means. Lee said he doesn't grab anyone by the pussy because his wife is so old that if you do grab it the rest of her may not come with it.
Howard let Lee go a short time later. He took another call from a guy who said he thinks Howard is rewriting history because the show is based on locker room talk. Howard said that's what he just said. The caller said some of the things they say are overboard. Howard said he said that too. He said 90 percent of the show is that. Howard said he may go over the top because he's heard this stuff and he makes it part of the show. Robin said that they used to do the Bob and Ray thing. Howard said that was mocking locker room talk and it was way over the top. Robin said she has said that she feels like she's eavesdropping on locker room talk.
Howard said they were off a week and he didn't want to come back. Howard said he saw that Ronnie was posting from ''Aruber'' while he was on vacation. He said he was tweeting pictures of his girlfriend in a bikini. Robin asked if Ronnie can retire now. She said he was saying that he almost didn't come back. Robin asked what he's going to do if he retires. Howard said all Ronnie wants to do is come back. He said he has the greatest job in the world. Howard played a song parody that Ronnie sang where he added the ''er'' to the vacation spots.
The caller asked what he did in the military. Brent said he was a gunner on an CH-53E. Brent said he did fire after they were fired upon. The caller said he's calling bullshit on that story. He said he talked about something a month ago and he's calling bullshit on that too.
The caller said that Brent is making a big deal out of this stuff. Brent told the guy where he was stationed and what he did while he was over there. Howard asked the caller what the problem is there. The caller just gave him a ''Roger that.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said he blew Brent every night he was in the service. He said he had a very sandy pouch. He said Brent is a real man and didn't blow him back. He said his ass tasted like liverwurst.
Howard took a call from another guy who said he has no intention of challenging his service but he has to admit that Marines don't talk like Brent says. Brent said that stuff does go on but no one talks about grabbing someone by the pussy. He said they'd look at you like you're out of your mind. Brent said no one he has ever worked with has ever said anything like that.
Howard said he has an Iraqi on the phone who claims that Brent shot his whole family. He took the call and the guy said he shot his cow and his two pigs and this is the guy who did that. He said this is a sick mother fucker. He said he shot his wife in the head. Howard asked if he heard him talk about grabbing pussy. The guy said he did hear him talk about that. He said he also fucked his goat before killing it. Howard asked how you doubt that.
Howard thanked Brent for his service. Howard said now he's there contributing to the show. Howard let Brent go after that. He said now he's going to go out and ''work.'' Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that's what Trump was thinking during the debate. Howard played more of the audio of fake Trump talking about a woman being a 5.
Howard said he straightened out the Lenny Dykstra thing. He said he sent them some pussy eating tips. Howard said they observed that Ronnie and Lenny have a certain kind of sexuality. Howard said Lenny sent in some tips for them. Howard said Lenny is the spokesperson for ReboundFinance.com so he plugged that.
Howard asked Robin to tell him if the tips make sense to her. Howard played one of Lenny's pussy eating tips and Robin asked him to stop it because she's already grossed out. Howard had to start it over again. Lenny said before you can do your art work you have to make sure the canvass is clean. Lenny said you have to just clean that thing with soap first. He said you do your part and he'll do his. Howard said that's more of a tip for the ladies. Howard said he's basically saying ''Wash your pussy.''
Howard said they have to see if he can get into more. Howard played another pussy eating tip from Lenny Dykstra. Howard said hopefully this is something for the guys. Howard played the clip and Lenny said you want to lick all around the pussy first. He said then you graze the clit. He made some kissing sounds. Howard said that's it, he's grosser than Ronnie. Howard played more of him making that sound. Lenny said then you kiss it more and then pull back. He said then you talk about how beautiful that pussy is. Howard said then they call the cops on you.
Howard did an impression of Lenny talking about what he'd do to that pussy. He said he's trying to get his sexy voice. Robin asked why guys think that's sexy. Howard said Robin is right out of the room if he starts doing that.
Howard played another pussy eating sex tip from Lenny. Lenny said that he had his teeth taken out. He said a lot of men can't do that because they're not dedicated to their profession. Lenny said you have to start there. He said the woman ''will come like she's never came.'' Howard did his impression of Lenny and talked about tossing coins in the pussy like a wishing well.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she just started listening and she's gay. Howard said many who hear Lenny turn gay. The caller said Lenny Dykstra's are so gross she doesn't know what he's talking about. She said she just became gay listening to them. She said she's been with a lot of beautiful women. She said that she thinks that Ronnie is less gross than Lenny.
Howard took a call from Balls who said he never thought he'd find someone who would out gross Ronnie. Howard played another Lenny pussy eating tip. Lenny was talking about using his tongue and how you can go deeper without your teeth getting in the way. Howard said it might be time for another break. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Howard said Fred pulled out his teeth after that Lenny Dykstra tip. Howard played another tip from Lenny talking about the clean canvass down there. Howard gave him another plug for that ReboundFinance.com thing.
Howard said everyone is wondering what happened with Medicated Pete and that Kendra girl. Howard had Pete on the phone and asked if he has removed his teeth yet. Pete said he has.
Howard said Pete thought this girl Kendra Sunderland was someone he'd love to fuck. Howard said they set Pete up with her on a date. Howard said it went just as bad as you would think it would. Howard said Pete had no idea it was going that bad.
Howard said Pete greeted Kendra saying ''What's up'' or ''How's it going'' 5 times in a matter of a few seconds. Howard played a clip and Pete asked her those questions and that's all he asked. Robin said he's so focused on getting some that he doesn't hear what they're saying. Pete said he had a girl sitting next to him and he was so nervous he didn't know what to say. Howard said he thinks it has to do with his OCD. Howard said here must be something going on there. Howard said he'll ask Pete how he's doing and then he just repeats ''how's it going'' or ''What's up.'' Howard said that's his whole rap.
Howard said Kendra isn't much of a talker either. Howard said there was a ton of awkward silence during the date. Howard played a clip where Pete was trying to get something out but he was just saying ''I'm just um... so... that's a good uh...'' Howard said this is what it sounds like when a woman wants nothing to do with you at all. Howard said he hopes the food was good.
Howard said poor fucking Pete. He said that was fucking awful. Robin asked if he thought it was going well. Howard said you'll hear the tape at the end. He said Pete says they have to get together again. Howard asked if he hears how bad it was going now. Pete said he can.
Howard replayed the clip of Pete saying nothing. He asked Pete what he was trying to say there. Pete said he was just making small talk. Robin asked what the question was. Howard asked if it was a statement. Pete said he was trying to say how her day was going. Howard asked what he was saying about qualities. Pete said he was talking about qualities in a person. He said it's their overall appearance. Robin said ''What!?'' Howard said he has no game. Robin said he's trying to ask what kind of qualities she wants in a guy she'd date. Howard asked if that's a question or a statement. Pete said it was a statement. Pete said he's just putting it out there.
Howard said the waiter comes over to take the order and Pete ordered first. Howard said you always let the woman order first. Howard played a clip of Pete placing his order first. Howard said if you know you're not getting laid maybe just get your order in. Howard said it's so funny to him because the basic rule of decency is to let the lady order first. Howard asked what's up with the hard roll. Howard said Kendra even mentioned he was spitting food all over the place when he ate. Howard said the hard roll is a tough thing to eat. Pete said he should have gotten something softer. Robin said he should have this figured out. Howard asked what's up with the mustard order. He ordered some on the roll and then some on the side. Pete said he dips it in the side order. Howard said his face must have looked like the holocaust.
Howard asked Pete if he opened the door for her at least. Pete said there were no doors to open. He said they just had to go up stairs.
Howard said Pete talked about how he likes walks on the beach. He said he's talking about all of the cliché's. Howard played a clip of Pete talking about that. Pete talked about being romantic and having some conversation maybe. Pete was laughing on the phone hearing this. Howard said he's eating too. He said his friends buy him chicken wings just to watch him eat. Pete said they did that yesterday. He said he had food all over his mouth. Pete was cracking up telling Howard the story. Howard said he's seen him eat and that stuff does end up on his face. Howard said people were saying that food was spraying all over the place. Robin said he needs a face card. Howard said he should eat in a mirror so he can see where he's fucking up. Pete said he doesn't know the magnitude of the problem. Howard said that's what he's saying.
Howard said Pete is pulling out all the stops. He told her that he writes poems too. Howard said girls hate that. He said they think you're an idiot. Howard said he knows a woman who got a poem from a guy and poems suck if you're not someone like Bob Dylan. Howard said it was like simple rhymes. Howard said when Pete writes one it's like ''Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, what's up, what's up, what's up with you?''
Howard played some audio of Pete talking about how he could write her a poem. Pete told her that they have words in them and Kendra said 'Yeah, that's what poems are.''
Howard said Pete was looking at Kendra's boobs and he had no ability to hide looking at them. Howard played a clip of Kendra calling him out for staring at her boobs. Pete just said ''Oh boy.''
Howard said at one point Pete called Kendra socially awkward. Pete said everyone is. Howard said he has to hear the tape. Robin said they're socially awkward with him. Howard played the clip and Pete said it's cool that she's socially awkward and they're both the same in that way. Howard said it's like the idiot kettle calling the pot black. Howard said he may have insulted her by saying that. Pete said he hopes not.
Howard said Pete thought the conversation was going great and he told Kendra that he hoped for a second date. Howard played some audio of that conversation. Pete said he thinks he's an interesting person. He said he hopes they can do it again. Kendra kept saying ''Yeah'' over and over. Howard said he expects to be invited to the wedding. Howard started saying ''what'' trying to get Pete to repeat after him.
Pete said he's going to see her again. He said they have a date together next week. Howard said she must have figured out a way to make money from her. Pete said she's going to be at a strip club in Pittsburgh. Howard said they asked Kendra her thoughts on Pete and she said she would consider banging her out of sympathy. Howard played the clip and Kendra said she didn't have love at first sight with Pete. She said she might consider having sex with him after 5 drinks if Pete started talking about never having sex and being down on himself. She said she might do it to make him feel better about himself.
Howard said that's not a no. Howard said what Pete needs to do is say that she has to fuck him because he's holding her family hostage. Robin said he just has to say that he hasn't had sex and he's desperate. Pete and Howard did a little practice and Pete fucked it up. Howard said she has to have 5 drinks and he's going to have to beg.
Howard played a clip of Pete saying the date went pretty well. He said she seemed interested. Robin asked what gave him that impression. Pete said he doesn't know. He said that's just how he thought. Pete said she didn't run away.
Howard asked where Pete is going to be next week. Pete said he'll be at Blush Gentleman's Club in Pittsburgh. He said it'll be fun. Howard asked if he went home and beat off to her porn movie after that. Pete said of course he did.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been on dates with chicks like that and he thinks Pete did the best he could. Howard said it wasn't an easy date for Pete. Pete said it was intimidating. The caller said Pete just did his thing. Howard said this guy sounds like he wants to bang Pete. Howard let the caller go and wished Pete luck with the strip club thing. Howard said let them know if he gets any from Kendra.
Howard was saying goodbye to Pete but Pete kept repeating things after him. Pete asked how his weekend was. Howard said later and Pete repeated that a few times. Robin said there will be other women at the strip club and maybe he should try to make her jealous by paying attention to them. Howard tried saying goodbye to Pete again and kept him repeating after him. Howard kept that going for a couple of minutes. Howard said he loves that kid. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along with the Billy Joel song. He said he has Lisa Lampanelli there now. Howard said she has blue hair. Lisa said she's glad he finally had her back. She said she hasn't had sex in 4 years now. She said her clit just asked if she can start seeing other people. Lisa said that she lost weight down there. Howard said she had a gastric bypass. Lisa said she has a sleeve. She said that it's the best thing she ever did in her life. She said she feels like a kid again. Howard said she was obese. Lisa said she was 248 pounds and she's 5'9'' tall. She said she has to eat tiny portions still. She said she can't eat through this thing. Howard asked what she weighs now. Lisa said she's like 141 pounds now.
Howard asked if Lisa is doing roasts anymore. Lisa said she turned down one and then another and now they don't ask her anymore. She said she has said she retired from the roasts unless Howard asks her to do one. Howard said she's so fabulous at the roasts. Howard said she did the roast of Donald Trump and it was fabulous. Howard said it's gotten a second life now. Howard said she's so great at it. Howard said she brings the house down. Howard said she's decided not to do them now. Lisa said it's not a challenge now. Lisa said she has a team of 3 guys she worked with on them. Lisa said she'd do it if a friend asked her to do it. She said she would do it for Howard or Don Rickles. Lisa said she's met Don a few times. Howard asked if he was an inspiration. Lisa said she has his album ''Hello Dummy'' on vinyl. Howard said Don is still on top of it at his age.
Howard said he heard that Lisa was called a fatso at a comedy show once and she went home and wrote some comebacks. Lisa said she did. She said she tells that as the story that changed her whole life in her play ''Stuffed'' that she's there to promote.
Lisa said that they yelled at one comic to bring back the fat chick. She said she went home and wrote for 6 hours so she had comebacks for anyone who called her fat. She said she was ready. Then it never happened again. Lisa said you're ready and prepared and you never need it like a boy scout.
Howard asked if she ever decided to plant someone in the audience. Lisa said she never had to. She said she just turned it around and insulted them first.
Howard asked how old she was when she decided to be a comic. Lisa said she was 30. She said she was a journalist before that. Howard asked how that got started. Lisa said she knew she could do it. She said she was working as a fact checker at Rolling Stone and she told this guy she worked with that she wanted to try it. She said she took a comedy class with this guy Michael Jackson in Connecticut and she was off and running. Howard asked if she learned anything. She said she learned how to structure a 5 minute set. She said that's all she needed. She said you can't teach someone how to be funny.
Lisa said you have to write about things you hate. She said that's what works. Howard said when he prepares for the show he writes down one liners and that's what he writes about.
Howard asked Lisa about getting started at 30. Lisa said you have a personality already at that age. Howard asked if she tweets a lot. Lisa said she has learned to keep it bland on Twitter. She said that it may not come across the right way when you Tweet. She said she won't apologize for something she wrote on there though. Howard said they can't see your face when you write on there.
Lisa said she had to apologize to one guy in the audience because she was doing material about autism and he has an Autistic kid. Lisa said she apologized to him and you have to pick and choose when you do that.
Howard asked Lisa about her marriage to Jimmy Big Balls. Lisa said they broke up but she introduced him to his new wife. She said that she thinks they both lost weight and they didn't have anything in common after that. Lisa said that things just weren't working out. Lisa said she doesn't want to get with another guy now. She said she can't believe how lucky she is. She said she doesn't even masturbate. She said she thinks she shut down physically. Lisa said they say she has no testosterone now. She said that she is still attracted to the losers with the dream. Howard said she's attracted to the guy who is trying to make it in the band. Lisa said then she tries to save them. Lisa said if it comes into her life that's fine. She said that sex isn't even an issue.
Lisa said in college food was her friend. She said that she ate a lot in college. She said she gained that ''Freshman 50'' in college. Howard said she must have been making a lot of doody. Lisa said she doesn't remember that. She said after the gastric surgery she wasn't able to shit. Lisa said she got a hemorrhoid from pushing so much. She said she lost her hair from not eating enough. Lisa said it grew back though.
Howard said Lisa did The Apprentice. Howard said Lisa was on the show and Donald would confide in her. Lisa said he never tried to grab her pussy. She said this was funny. Lisa said she was an obese broad at the time. She said Donald liked her as a guy. She said he would compliment the women and tell them how good they looked. Lisa said then he'd start saying to her ''Lisa... doesn't Teresa look terrific today?'' Howard said he was giving her locker room talk like a guy. Howard asked if she liked Trump. Lisa said she did.
Lisa said that Eric Trump has her do this charity show every year. She said they get like 3 million a night when they do this charity. Lisa said she was invited to Eric Trump's wedding. She wasn't able to go because she was working. She said she doesn't dislike Trump but she doesn't think that he'd make a good President.
Howard asked Lisa about the roasting thing because she's so good at it. Howard said it seems like a crazy career move to walk away from it. Lisa said it's not always a career move. Lisa said her father went into hospice a few years ago and he told her that just because she's good at something she doesn't have to do it. She said it's so hard to prepare for this roast stuff. She said it's like a month. Lisa said she wrote stuff for Howard and she's the only guest who has homework. Howard said they asked her to roast anyone she wants. Howard said he didn't know that she had to work on it. Lisa said it's worth it for Howard.
Howard asked if he should be quiet during this. Lisa said he can laugh. Lisa said it was a huge surprise that Howard showed up for something that didn't have a kitten involved today. Lisa goofed on Howard about his work with North Shore and speaking of neglected pussies, Robin is there. She had some material about Robin. She got in a plug for her play ''Stuffed'' too. Howard asked where that is. Lisa said it's at the WP Theater. She said she had like 90 percent men at the show last night.
Howard asked if they're going to make it into a movie. Lisa said she'd like to have it off Broadway continuously. Lisa said it's got 4 women who have eating disorders. She told Howard more about the play and what it's about. She said she's very happy with it. Lisa said she likes doing that but also doing comedy.
Howard asked Lisa to do more roasting. Lisa had some Donald Trump material. Lisa said Trump has put down more women than breast cancer. Lisa had some material about his small hands and his hair. Lisa said when she sees him on TV it reminds her to have her vagina waxed. Lisa had some material about Trump's sniffing during the debates and how he has more fluid in his hair than Larry King's piss bag. Lisa did some material about Larry King too. Lisa had Howard cracking up.
Lisa said she has some George Takei material too. She said he came to her play. Lisa did some material about him and said he's so gay that his Chapstick is cock flavored. Lisa had some material about High Pitch Erik too. Lisa had some material about Hillary Clinton too. Lisa had some Bill Cosby material and Anthony Weiner too. Howard asked if she ever liked Cosby. Lisa said she always hated that outdated shit. Lisa said that she never would have guessed he'd be a raper or anything but when he bought the Little Rascals stuff she knew something fishy was up.
Lisa said she's angry with people saying Howard doesn't work enough. She asked if she's going to negotiate having Ronnie drive him past the studio and yell out his window next time. Howard said that's a good idea actually.
Lisa goofed on Dancing with the Stars and Howard watching it. She said he should take up something less effeminate and jack off to Channing Tatum or sniffing Ronnie's cock ring. Lisa said that's all she's got. She said she did it for Howard.
Howard said Lisa gave up her spot on the Charlie Sheen roast so Amy Schumer could do it. Lisa said she didn't know who Amy was at the time. She said she came up to her on an airplane once and thanked her for giving up that spot because it got her the job on Comedy Central. Lisa said that meant a lot to her.
Howard asked Lisa if she feels she got secure enough that she got gracious. Lisa said she knows she'll never be the skinniest or best looking person. She said she's just enough. Howard asked if she's apologizing to people now because she used to be so angry. Lisa said she used to be really angry and after losing the weight and adopting that dog she changed. Lisa said you open your heart to one dog and you open up to all dogs. Lisa said they were adopting dogs out at her show the other night. She said she held her first cat ever and she was going to adopt that cat if it got along with her dog.
Howard said yesterday his wife brought home a mother cat with six two day old kittens. Howard said they're living in his bathroom. Howard said it's unbelievable that someone kicked the cat out and threw them on the street. Lisa asked if he feels his heart just open. Howard said yes.
Howard said Lisa opened her heart but did she open up to these comics. Lisa said that she used to get mad and upset at Joan Rivers for saying she was a one trick pony. Lisa said that Patrice O'Neill was mean to her too. She said so was Greg Giraldo. She said that they're all dead now. Howard said it had to hurt when Joan did it. Lisa said it comes out as anger when she would be asked about it. Lisa said she was in the middle of a move once an Lisa G was there asking her if she heard that Joan said. Lisa said we're all dented cans. She said we're all just trying to do the best we can.
Howard asked why Greg was mean to her. Lisa said that he had his problems and he was mean. Lisa said that she would get angry at times. She said she realized she was just some asshole staying in a hotel so she got it in check.
Lisa said once she stopped looking at herself as just anyone else she was fine. Howard asked if her friends get jealous of her success. Lisa said she has had a friend for 30 years and she's very blessed. She said that she has a game night at her house in Connecticut. She said her mother is 87 so they play whatever she's into. Lisa said they're all old, un-famous or crippled. She said Howard would love her boring life. Howard said boredom equals happiness to him. Howard said he tried to stay up late last week and he was miserable.
Howard said they say that Lisa is always cold now that she lost weight. Lisa said she f'd up her system with her Yo-Yo dieting. Howard asked if she had skin hanging off. Lisa said most people do but she worked out and she's tall so she doesn't have that problem. Lisa said she runs now and she's going to run on Thanksgiving. She said her nieces and nephews run with her so she can't let them down.
Howard said Lisa has done it again. Howard said she's evolving again. Howard said she's now a playwright. Howard said she has the show Stuffed at the WP Theater. Howard said you can go to InsultComic.com for ticket information and stand up dates.
Howard played the Beetlejuice clip where he said ''Lisa Lamalovely'' or something like that. Howard said that should be her name.
Howard said he loves Lisa. He said he keeps track of what she says about him too and she's always very good to him. Howard gave her some more plugs and wrapped up with her. They went to break after that. They played a couple of songs and bits as they went to break.
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Howard said cool to a bunch of bands. Howard wasn't so sure about Genesis. Howard said maybe in a weird, retro way it's cool. Howard said Benjy is uncool. Howard said Genesis had some cool songs. Howard said he's not sure why people don't like Genesis. He said they had some cool songs. Robin said no.
Howard said if you have a genital horror story then email them at Contest@HowardStern.com.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk and said he had another coughing fit on his Periscope the other day. Howard asked if he gets scared when he coughs like that. Jeff said no. Howard asked if he cares about living or dying. Jeff said of course he does. Howard said this is a minute and 8 seconds long. Howard played the clip and Jeff takes a hit and then starts coughing uncontrollably for over a minute. Fred was moaning when he heard it going on.
Howard asked if there is anything fun about that. Jeff said no but he doesn't do it every time. Howard said if he did it just once he'd never smoke weed again. Howard said Keith Richards just called and said he sounds awful. Robin asked if it hurts. Jeff said no. Howard asked if his chest aches. Jeff said no. Howard said his tongue darts out and it's blackened. Howard said it looks like he's dying. Howard asked how that can be fun.
Howard took a call from The Lump who said he's packing up his shit and getting out of there. Howard asked if Jeff has had his lungs X-rayed. Jeff said he thinks they did. He said he had one like six months ago. The Lump asked if the doctor was worried. Jeff said no. Howard said they have mellow Jeff today. He's giving one word answers.
Howard said he has another 47 second slow cough clip. Howard played that one and Jeff lit up and coughed for 47 seconds. The Lump said the grim reaper just booked a flight for Albany. Jeff said it's not that bad. He said he doesn't cough like that every time. Howard said he does a lot.
Howard said Jeff has a spit bottle he keeps on the table. Jeff said he spits into a Budweiser bottle he uses when he watches TV. The Lump said his lungs are like two assholes. Jeff said he has another asshole on the end of this line. Howard asked Robin when she worked in a hospital if she encountered coughs like that. Robin said she's never heard anything worse than that. She said he sounds like the worst patient with a lung problem.
Howard asked Jeff to take a hit now and show them he doesn't cough like that every time. Jeff did it and he started coughing immediately. The Lump said it sounds fine to him. Jeff said you have to cough to get off. He sounded like he was drowning in phlegm.
Howard said he has a slogan for that horrible health of his. Howard said just eat his pot or something. Robin said he doesn't have to smoke it. Jeff said he's tried that. He said it really fucked him up. Jeff said he was trippin' dude. Howard said maybe he should break off a piece of a lollipop or something. Jeff said he's never had one. He asked Howard to send him one. Howard said he doesn't have any.
Howard asked how many packs a day he smokes. Jeff said it's about a pack and a half. Robin said just smoke pot. The Lump said just smoke heroin at this point. Jeff said he doesn't do that. Howard asked what it feels like when he takes that hit. Jeff said he gets a tickle but he doesn't get a feeling in his chest. Howard asked what comes up. Jeff said it's spit. Howard asked if it's green. Jeff said it's mucus. Howard said he's going to throw up. Robin asked why he keeps it in a jar. Jeff said he keeps it in a cup and then empties it.
Howard said Jeff is so vile. Robin asked if Jeff sits in the house doing this all day. Howard said that's what he does on Periscope. Howard said Shuli told him there are cups of bodily fluids all over his house. Jeff yelled that he doesn't save it. He said he empties it out at least once a week.
Shuli came in and said that Jeff doesn't do it right away. He said it lays around there. Jeff said he empties it at least once a week. Shuli said Jeff will wipe his nose with his good hand. Then he's wiping his face and head with that dirty hand. Howard said his level of grossness is reaching a new high. Jeff said ''Yeah, right.'' The Lump said North Korea is going to use those cups of phlegm in their missiles. Jeff said he wants to punch The Lump right in the face.
Shuli said Jeff does this thing on Periscope where he plays a golf game on his Xbox 1. He said he doesn't put the camera on himself. He shows the game. Howard said people want to see him using that one hand of his. Jeff said they want to see the shot. Shuli said they want to see Jeff. Shuli said he saw him open a bottle of milk with his mouth once. He said he's like the Jaws of Life.
Jeff said he cooks on his Periscope too. Shuli said he saw a picture of Jeff with something on his good arm and he wondered if he can wash it because his other arm doesn't work. Jeff said he leans on this chair with his left arm and his arm turned black from the chair. Howard said it's probably developing a mole or something on it. Howard wondered how he afforded a new chair. Shuli said his fans send him stuff.
Shuli asked Jeff about his autographed picture that he was sending out because he heard some people haven't gotten them yet. Jeff said he has them right there. Jeff said he doesn't have the address for this guy Terry. He mentioned another name and Howard said he could name every one of the people who asked for a photo. Jeff said he swears he mails out all of the pictures. Jeff said only 2 have come back to him.
Howard was going to let Jeff go but Jeff said ''Hey Howard...'' so he didn't get to leave yet. Jeff said he called for a reason. He asked when the Gathering is. He said his people want to know. Howard said he doesn't know exactly. Howard said they'll find out. Howard told him to get that cough under control.
Howard played a clip of Underdog Lady talking about Chachi on Happy Days and how she doesn't like what he became on the show. Howard asked if she liked Joanie. Shuli said she thought she complained a lot. Howard played a clip of Underdog talking about Joanie and the snide remarks she made that got her sent to her room a lot. Howard said the show was called Happy Days but it doesn't seem to have given Underdog any happiness.
Howard played a clip of Underdog Lady talking about Leather Tuscadero and siding with her when the cops were trying to smear her reputation.
Howard played another clip of Underdog talking about Mrs. Cunningham dressing up for her husband because she was afraid he was going to leave her for a younger woman. Howard asked if there's anyone on this planet who remembers any of this shit. Shuli said maybe her and Jon Hein.
Howard said they asked Underdog questions about pop culture to see what she knows. Howard asked if she can name who is running for president. Shuli said he thinks so. He did the interview so he knew. Howard said he can't play this. Howard played a clip of Underdog talking about Trump.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks Underdog knows who hosts the Tonight Show currently. Robin said yes. Underdog said that it was Jay Leno. Howard said he might as well give this money away to someone.
Howard said he has a speaker system from SVSound.com to give away. He got a caller on the line and asked the guy, Rob, if he wanted to play. Rob said he was listening so he knows what's happening. Howard asked Rob if Underdog can name an NFL team. Rob said he thinks she can. Howard played the clip and Underdog said San Diego Chargers and Denver Broncos.
Howard said they asked Underdog if she knows what a GPS is. Rob said she will not know. Howard played the answer and Underdog didn't know the answer.
Howard said they asked Underdog if she knows what OMG stands for. Rob said she will know the answer. Howard played Underdog's answer and said she thinks it means ''Oh my god.''
Howard said Rob won the speaker system and it's worth ''Noine, noine, noine, noine, noine...'' He put Rob on hold so they could get his information.
Howard asked if Underdog knows what a high five is. Robin said we have to see. Underdog didn't know what it was. Howard asked if she knows who Taylor Swift is. Robin said no. Underdog didn't know. Howard said enough of that game. He let Shuli go. Howard said he was playing the game and he was the one who asked the questions.
Robin read a story about Billy Bush and how he may be let go from NBC and Access Hollywood after the tape came out of Bush and Trump talking about grabbing women's pussy. Robin said they say NBC is saying that they may be settling with him for $9 million. Howard said they have to get him in there now. Robin said she just met him this summer. Howard said he was up there doing a Town Hall kind of thing. Howard said he walked by the fish bowl studio and Billy was very excited. Howard played the clip and Billy told everyone to stand up. Howard said that's before he got busted for the pussy talk. Robin said it probably never occurred to him that this would come back to haunt him. Howard said Robin is pretty loose and she's on fire over it. He said he wishes he had gone on the Today show to apologize. He said that would have been great. Howard said come in there and apologize instead. He said they must have invoked a morality clause in his contract. Robin said he was only there a month or something like that. Robin said he may have to stay away from doing other shows for a while. Robin said Pat O'Brien was caught saying some stuff and he even went on Dr. Phil and apologized. Howard said he bets Billy will go on that show too. Howard said he'd be cool if he came in there to do it.
Robin had the audio of Trump and Billy Bush talking about Nancy O'Dell. Howard said she was hot. Howard said Trump was complaining that he tried to get her and failed and then she got fake tits and he gave up. Howard was wondering if he bought her furniture. He said that's kind of lame. Howard played more of the audio and Billy said Nancy is ''hot as shit'' so Robin said maybe that's part of the reason he got fired. Robin had Howard play the clip where Trump said ''grab 'em by the pussy.'' Howard said he's got a good amount of fame but no one is going to let him grab their pussy. Robin said now Trump has 10 women accusing him of various things and one woman claims he allegedly did grab her by the pussy. Howard said he is a survivor. He said he isn't resigning from the race. Robin said there is no procedure for that. Howard said even still you'd think after comments like that you'd go down in the polls. Robin said they found women to come on shows and say they would still vote for Trump. Robin said what he was describing was sexual assault. Robin said Trump also brings up Bill Clinton and his affair with Monica Lewinsky. Robin said he says that's far worse than what he said. Robin said people are saying that Hillary Clinton's silence in this is deafening.
Robin said Trump is being parodied every week on Saturday Night Live and Trump doesn't like it. Robin had a clip from Saturday Night Live where Alec Baldwin was doing his Trump impression. Robin said Kate McKinnon does a great Hillary impression. Robin had a clip of her doing the Clinton impression this week. Robin said Trump called the skit a ''hit job'' and said it's time to retire this boring and unfunny show. Howard said he told Trump not to run. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin had more Saturday Night Live clips to play. Robin said they had a bit about Melania Trump. She had a clip but Howard didn't see it and he didn't get what was going on. Robin didn't see it either so she didn't know. Howard said he thinks that whoever wins in the election should have Melania as the first lady.
Robin read a story about Newt Gingrich doing some morning talk shows over the weekend. Robin said he was acting as a surrogate for Bill Clinton. Robin had some clips of him talking about Donald Trump. She had a clip of him talking about how both candidates are flawed.
Robin said Trump is saying that the election is being rigged by the media and if he loses then it was rigged. If he wins then it wasn't rigged. Robin read a story about Rudy Giuliani talking about that and he said you have to realize that there is corruption out there but there's more on the democratic side. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about Tim Kaine talking about the Wikileaks hacked emails and how they're not sure if they're even accurate. Robin said it's fun flipping back and forth between the networks to hear what people are saying about the candidates.
Robin read about the plans we have for going to Mars. Howard said there's nothing else in space. He said we're alone in supporting life. Robin said she can't take his word for that. Howard said we're not going to survive this planet if we keep messing it up the way we are. He said that's why they're looking for other planets. Howard said we're killing ourselves. He said we're overpopulated and the oceans are being ruined. Robin said we could return the planet to the climate our parents experienced but instead we're going to Mars.
Robin read about how Target is pulling clown masks from their shelves. Howard said this clown thing is out of hand. He said he wouldn't be against banning all clowns. Howard said he doesn't like anyone in costume or even hiding their face. Howard said he hates Halloween and all of that. Howard said it only leads to trouble. He said it's nonsense. Howard said he doesn't like clowns or Santa makeup. He said it leads to problems.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they can ban all clowns but keep Yucko. He also thanked him for the Beatles Revolver tribute show. Howard said that's available on the app at any time.
Robin read about Hillary Clinton talking about the bombing of a Trump campaign office. Robin said they had smeared the outside of the office with Nazi and Trump slurs. Robin said Hillary has come out against that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked if Robin saw the 2 page layout in the NY Post about Howard and Beth. Howard said that was very nice. Mariann started to talk about some other stuff about the cats and Howard had to hang up on her. Howard said she's got some voice. Howard wondered if she talks during sex. He said he can't imagine what that would be like. Howard said when you first date a girl you think something like that is charming but it can wear on you.
Robin read more about the campaign office bombing. Fred was playing clips of Mariann screaming and making weird noises.
Robin said there's a serial killer in Alabama who is accused of killing 5 people. Robin said he blamed his actions on drugs.
Robin read about the box office and how The Accountant was number 1. Howard said he saw it and loved it. Robin said she did too. She said it didn't get great reviews but it was good. They spent a little time talking about that. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
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Howard started the show talking about how he hates that name ''Wikileaks.'' He said it's not cool. Robin asked if he doesn't want it on a t-shirt. Howard said it's such a wimpy name. He said he doesn't like it. Robin said she doesn't like the whole thing. She said she doesn't like Julian Asange.
Howard played a clip of JD announcing who is coming on the show today. He said they have Sarah Jessica Parker coming in. He said she was great in Ed Wood. Howard said he is a mush mouth. He said he hasn't improved his speech at all. Robin asked if he's working on it. Howard said he's not.
Howard asked if they know Eloquent JD. Robin said she's never run into that guy. Howard had a clip of Eloquent JD on the phone. The guys in the back had JD speaking very clearly. Howard asked if he's disgusting like the real JD. Eloquent JD said he loves fresh clean linen on his buttocks. He was talking about how clean his sheets are too. Howard said he's trying to figure out the differences between the two JD. Eloquent JD was over annunciating and Howard loved it. Howard asked if he's into web cam girls. Eloquent JD asked if he thinks he's a monster. Howard asked Eloquent JD if he leaves his apartment. Eloquent JD said he does and it's being part of this world. Eloquent JD asked if Robin has plans this weekend because he'd like to fly her to his chateau in France.
JD came out of character for a few seconds. He also told Howard he's going to the opera with his girlfriend. He even sang a song from the opera he's going to see. Howard said goodbye to JD but JD refused to hang up first.
Howard said it took 12 hours to edit out all of his mumbles. Howard said it's such an effort to get him to talk like that.
Howard played the call and they had Ronnie talking about rubbing his dick on the nipples of her tits and tittie fucking her. The hosts of the show didn't know what to say. They said they were offended. One host said no woman wants to be treated that way. They had Ronnie laughing and telling them to slap his ass and things like that. The hosts of the show hung up on him.
Howard asked what they think. Robin said Ronnie is the funniest. Howard said it's great. Robin said he's too funny. Howard said Ronnie is out there loving this. Fred did his impression of Ronnie doing his sex tip thing.
Howard said Ronnie had a whole week in ''Aruber'' (Aruba) as he says. Howard said Ronnie has a Twitter feed where he wasn't even able to spell. He said he told him to just retweet or something so that's what he's doing. He said he started the Hot Chick of the Week and now he's retweeting pictures of naked women. Howard said he's like a dealer in hot chick pictures. Howard said he has naked girls and he'll talk about the girls being hot. Howard said he writes in a very simplistic way.
Howard said Ronnie started tweeting pictures of his girlfriend in Aruba. Howard said she's in a bikini. Howard said this is the first time she's appeared in a bathing suit on Twitter. He said the whole thing is like a train wreck. Robin said he told her that he loved Aruber so much he didn't want to come back. Howard said he told him he did something down there that he can't remember.
Ronnie came in and said they did an ATV trip around the island. Howard said Ronnie was on an ATV. Ronnie said they were all over the place. Howard asked if they go really fast over weird terrain. Ronnie said yes. Howard said he knows guys who do that. He asked what the point of that is. Howard said it's like a hot wheels with a motor. Howard asked if he tries to go as fast as he can so he almost falls over. Ronnie said not really. He said you can get hurt. He said you know that. Howard said there are people who can wipe out. Howard asked if he tried to show off to Stephanie. Ronnie said he stayed behind her to make sure she was okay.
Howard said he sees Ronnie riding ahead to show off. Ronnie said they were heading back at one point and she was driving along on a narrow road and she was drifting off because she was looking at the scenery. He said they were with a group of other people. Ronnie said some of them were riding double.
Ronnie said they had gone down town and walked around. He said they were looking at the souvenirs and all the bullshit. Howard said he's so angry. Ronnie said that was her idea. Howard asked if she was in a bikini on the ATV. Ronnie said she had one on under her clothes. He said they went swimming out there on the ride. He said when they stop they go swimming. Howard asked if the dudes were staring at her. Ronnie said there were other chicks there. He said they were hot like her. Ronnie said there were a ton of people there.
Howard asked what Ronnie was wearing. Ronnie said he had boxers on. He said some guys were wearing Speedos. He said that's funny. Howard said he took his kids on vacation once and there was a guy walking around in his Speedo. He said he had this big, bulging cock in it. Howard said his daughter was laughing and he named the guy Penis Colada. Howard said his kids loved that. He said the next day the guy was walking around with his son in the same kind of bathing suit.
Ronnie said they went out on a cruise and people were drinking. He said he didn't get crazy stupid himself. He said they had a happy hour at the hotel but he didn't do that. He said he drank a little bit but didn't go crazy.
Howard asked if he got recognized down there. Ronnie said he was recognized a lot actually. He said there were a lot of people from Connecticut there. He said he had one guy following him around and hiding. He said Stephanie spotted the guy. Ronnie said the guy grabbed him before he left and said he lives out near Gary. He said he was nice to the guy.
Howard asked if he brought his cock rings to Aruber. Ronnie said he forgot them. Howard asked if he was having sex down there. Ronnie said every day they did it. He said every day they were there they did it. Howard asked if he came every time. Ronnie said he did it twice one day. Ronnie said they went on a cruise one afternoon that Jon Hein told him about. He said there were 20 people and they serve drinks and grilled cheese sandwiches. He said they go snorkeling and they come back when the sun is setting. Howard said this is funny. He wished he had a film of this. He said it's just so funny. He said he ends up in boats with guys like this when he goes on vacation. He said that's why he doesn't go.
Howard asked if they had sex on the boat. Ronnie said they did when they got back to the hotel. Ronnie said they were going to go out to dinner and when they were changing it happened. Howard asked how it goes down. Ronnie said she was getting naked to get in the shower. He said then it happens. Ronnie said they got in the shower together.
Howard asked if it's cold in the shower. Ronnie said it's not cold. Fred and Howard did their Ronnie impressions and goofed on him about the sex in the shower thing. Howard asked how long it lasted. Ronnie said it was maybe 10 minutes. Howard asked if he rubbed her clit. Ronnie said he did.
Howard took a call from a guy who called in from Aruba who said that his wife left him after he used some of Ronnie's sex tips on her. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard asked Ronnie what they did after the sex. They went to dinner. Ronnie said everyone down there was friendly. He said it's a great place. Howard asked if any dancing went on. Ronnie said they were hanging out on the beach one night. He doesn't like the sand to have sex so he didn't do it there. He said he just hangs out listening to music on his iPod. He said Stephanie loaded up his iPod and he listened to all of the Bon Jovi albums. He said he's really excited about him coming in. Howard said Jon will be coming in.
Howard said Ronnie was sending out pictures of Stephanie on twitter. Ronnie said he was sneaking them in. He said he did show them to her first though. He said it was really cool down there. He said one restaurant had like 60 craft beers. He said he told Richard about that.
Howard said he has audio of Richard talking to people on the street about Ronnie tweeting pictures of women. Howard played the clip and people sounded like they were disgusted by his behavior.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to have Ronnie on more often. He said he loves when Howard and Fred do the impression of him. Howard said they do that all day long. Howard said imagine being in Aruber walking around. Ronnie said his next trip is to ''Florider'' before Thanksgiving. He said they're going to a NASCAR race down there. He said she likes going to the races. Ronnie said they're going to Miami. Howard asked if he's worried about Zika. Ronnie said he's not worried about anything.
The caller asked if they have gotten the show about the strip clubs going yet. Howard said that Howie wasn't able to find one buyer for that show. Howard said that could have been a big money maker. Howard said he had some big fantasies about that show but he didn't think it would fly. Howard said they lost steam with it. Ronnie said they were hoping Spike TV would pick it up.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if they're going to do any more Halloween sex tips. He said he loved them last year. Ronnie said he thinks they'll use the ones from last year. Howard asked if Ronnie is done with that. Ronnie said he has new ones from Aruber. He said Stephanie gave him one that he won't tell him now. He said it's something she tried out. He said he's going to do a sex tip with it. Howard said he wants him to do it now. Ronnie said he has to talk to his cohorts about it. Howard and Fred did their impression of Ronnie and had Ronnie having a jellyfish sting her pussy and things like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he can't think of anything grosser than Ronnie in the shower naked. He said his balls must drag on the floor.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves hearing what year Ronnie was born. He said it makes him laugh. Ronnie was born in 1949. The caller said he's the same age as his dad. He said his dad sits home all day. Ronnie said he could never do that. Howard asked what the best invention is he's seen in his life. Fred answered for him saying ''Pony express.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said he checked out Ronnie's Twitter and Stephanie looked amazing but Ronnie has to get some Just for Men or something. Ronnie said he gave that up. The caller said it looked like a grandfather with his granddaughter on vacation. Robin said that's true. Howard played a song parody about Ronnie after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how old the older people were at the resort. Ronnie said he wasn't the oldest one there. He said some of them were older. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he had a group of guys who came over to his house. He said they were anti-Semitic but they liked him for some reason. Howard said they'd smoke weed and he'd make a vat of Whisky Sours. Howard said then one day he met this girl from another school. He said she thought he was happening. She didn't know he was a dweeb. Howard said he asked her to come over to his house after school. He said he picked her up and brought her into the garage. Howard said she should have left right then. Howard said he mixed up the Whisky Sours for her. Howard said imagine this scene smoking weed and drinking. Howard said then they went to his bedroom and had sex. Howard said she started crying immediately and called her boyfriend. Howard said he must be some charmer. Howard said he drove her home and she cried the whole way home. Howard said he asked her if he could see her again. He said he was nervous his father would see the phone bill and get upset.
Howard said his parents never drank so they never noticed he was drinking. Howard said the only time they broke it out was when they had friends over and they didn't have friends. Howard said he had to sedate himself for the misery that he calls his life.
Howard said his mother would tell him about how horrible her life was. He said one day she told him that the reason her egg salad was good was because of the wooden bowl she uses. Howard said she washes it in the sink and never puts it in the dishwasher. Howard said he was on ludes that day so he'd go out and lay in the back yard to get away from that story. Howard said she'd tell him about the natural oils in the salad bowl and all of that.
Howard said he yelled at Jeff about smoking yesterday because of that cough he has. Howard said you have to hear this new tape. He said in this one he's coughing and blowing his nose at the same time. Howard played the clip and Jeff starts coughing and goes on with that for a few seconds. Then he starts blowing his nose in the middle of that so he's coughing and blowing at the same time. The caller said Jeff has to be shitting his pants at the same time too.
Howard said Jeff looks like Jabba the Hutt and he has his tongue hanging out. He said it's remarkable. The caller said he's a pot head and he's been smoking a long time. He said he has had some accidents himself so Jeff has to be shitting himself. He said he should be talking to Jeff's shit stain as well as The Lump. Howard said he should. He let the caller go after that.
Howard said they took that cough and played it for people on the street saying it was Hillary Clinton. Howard played some of the responses they were getting from people on the street. Someone said that person should go to the E.R.
Howard said a CNN anchor named Poppy Harlow had a coughing fit the other day on the air. Howard said she once passed out during a news report too. Howard said that's a cute name for a girl. He likes that Poppy. Howard played the clip of her having her coughing fit. Howard played the clip of her passing out on the air too. She was doing a report and she starts mumbling and then passes out.
Howard said he heard some other republican dude saying that too. Robin said she read a story about how Howard Stern played Donald Trump.
Howard had Donald Trump on the phone. Fake Donald said Howard is out to get him. He called him ''Crooked Howard.'' Howard said the republican establishment is abandoning him. Trump said he's going to be so racist from now on that it'll make your Jew head spin.
Howard asked Trump what's going on with his fat shaming. Donald said that looks like a job for his P.R. chick with the great rack. He had her fixing things he said. Howard let Trump go a short time later. Howard wished him luck and said goodbye. Fake Trump just kept saying ''yes.''
Howard said Israel is a friend to this country. Howard said he's not sure where the Jews are supposed to go. Howard said they found this empty desert and they formed this country there. Howard said it's a shit hole that they found to live in. Howard said they gave them a sandy desert and now it's an oasis that everyone wants. Howard said everyone has rejected the Palestinian people. Howard said don't give him any of this nonsense. Howard said maybe he has it all wrong. He said much of his family was wiped out by the Holocaust. Howard said he's not sure why Roger Waters is so focused on this one thing. He said Roger was saying a lot of shit and now Roger is mad at him but who gives a fuck?
Howard said he has run into Roger a few times. He said they had him on the show and talked about his band Pink Floyd. He said he's a fan of the band but Roger not so much. He said he's not going to shut up about it. Howard said he got up at Oldchella and had to make a whole speech. Howard said it's a rock concert. Howard said he's worried about Israel. Howard said he's not worried about it. Howard said the guy is charged up about it. Howard said he doesn't know why he's so obsessed. Howard asked where he's from. Robin said England. Howard said he should go back there and worry about that.
Robin asked what the guy meant when he said Howard is wrong about us occupying the Indian lands. Howard said of course he's wrong about that. He said go read a history book. Howard said welcome to the world. He said sometimes people take over land.
Howard said he's had it. He said he doesn't want to hear the bullshit anymore. He said the Jews take up such a small part of the world. He said Roger Waters is rolling in dough and he's busy trying to solve the problem. Howard said just sit here and play ''Hey You.'' Howard said this fucking guy can't even get along with his own band. Howard said they all can't stand the guy so much that they had to split up the songs. Howard said he's worried about Israel and he can't solve his own band problem. Robin said he's right. He should fix Pink Floyd and not worry about Israel. Robin said this is a little more complex.
Howard took a call from a guy who said fuck Roger Waters and just talk about Ronnie's sex tips. He said just have the guys on the show come in and don't take calls. Howard said he's right. Howard said no more calls. The caller said Ronnie is the best. Howard said alright and hung up on him in the middle of him talking.
Howard said Ronnie is going to ''Florider'' next. Howard said he went to ''Aruber.'' Howard said they have a song of Ronnie singing about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if John Mayer is going to come in. Howard said he thinks his people are afraid he'll say something that will get him in trouble. Gary said he thinks they're waiting for an album to come out. Gary said he's been out with the Grateful Dead. Howard said they do want to get him in there. Howard said he can't wait for Sarah Jessica Parker to come in today. He said Beth knows he has a little crush on her. He said he loves her new show ''Divorce.'' He said Beth said that his girlfriend was coming in today. He said she's had some career. He said she played Annie on Broadway at like 9 years old. Howard said she was in that movie ''L.A. Story'' with Steve Martin too. Howard said they sent her a treadmill so she'd be ripped for the movie. Howard wondered if that bothered her. Howard said he has to ask her about that.
Howard had the clip of Ronnie singing his version of ''Kokomo.'' He played that, did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Brent came in and said he was manning a 50 caliber gun in the helicopter. He said they have a belt fed gun. Howard asked how much he hit. Brent said he's not sure. Howard said that's cool. Howard asked if he likes firing guns. Brent said not these days. He said back then he had to. Brent said you take your M-16 and shoot from different distances. He said he hit 9 out of 10 bullseye from 500 yards once. He said that he did that without a scope. He said that was after just 2 weeks of training. Brent said once you do that you're ready to go. He said the trainers are the best.
Brent said the further away he got the better he was. He said his breathing might not have been right. He said he would get better if he was flat on his belly. He said in the standing position he hit 4 out of 4 from 300 yards standing. He said that was with the M-16. He said standing is the hardest thing to do.
Howard asked how many pound trigger pull that is. Brent didn't know. He said that you just make sure you don't jerk the trigger. Howard said Lee Harvey Oswald was a Marine. Brent said he wasn't that good a shot either.
Howard asked if he carried a pistol too. Brent said he did carry a 9mm Beretta. Howard asked if he threw a grenade. Brent said he did. He said they used a live grenade in training. Brent said they practice the first half of the day. He said they put blue pins in the practice grenades. He said if you fuck up you have to put a blue pin on your helmet. Howard said they should do that around there when someone fucks up.
Howard said he'd worry about someone fucking up and dropping the grenade. He said it's the same thing with the guns. Brent said that the drill instructors in the shooting are really nice to you. He said they check you now to make sure you don't have any live rounds when you go back to the barracks.
Howard asked about jerking off there in the military. Brent said they might put salt peter in the food because he didn't get a boner for 3 months. Howard said he would bang anyone at that age. He said he was all charged up. The caller said he had a wet dream when he was in the military.
Howard took a call from the guy who called in yesterday about blowing Brent. He said Brent was able to fire a load into his mouth from 700 yards. He said he just wanted to confirm his accuracy.
Brent said he took the test to get into the military. Howard wondered who fails that test. Robin said there are people who do. Brent said that the test is a real test and it's not easy. He said anyone who comes in below 50 goes right into the infantry. Brent said he missed one question on the test. He said he was going to be a computer specialist but the Marines challenged him so he went in there instead.
Howard said that Ronnie was in the reserves he thinks. Brent said you have to take the test to get in there too. Howard said Sal took the test and they made him a stockbroker. Howard said they should give the guys there the test. Brent said he's sure they could get a copy.
Howard said they figured out that Brent did not steal valor. He really served. Howard said the stolen valor guys are really not good at it either. Brent said that guys who are in the military don't wear their uniforms when they're out. He said you're not supposed to do that when you're not on active duty. Howard said he loves those videos when they ask the guy where he served and they say ''the 35th'' and they asked ''35th what?''
Howard said he has some friends who are active military and they're everything he's not. Howard said they're real men. He said he loves these guys. Howard said he really does value what they do. Howard said then you see some asshole trying to get that rub and that valor and he loves it when they're confronted. Brent said he loves that too. He said he loves it when they chase the guys.
Howard said there aren't a lot of things worse than that. Benjy said there's murder, rape and things like that. Howard said he's bringing him down. Robin said it is bad to steal valor. Howard said he just stole his conversation from him. Howard asked him to give him back his sanity because he just stole it.
Brent said he thinks that it's legal to steal valor. He said it's like a first amendment thing. Brent said it's fraud though.
Howard let the caller go and said that he has to go. He said Brent has to get back to work too. Howard said Brent is a real man. Howard said he can't believe he lost the election he was in. Howard said he looked Scary in his campaign commercial. Howard said you don't wear sunglasses in a commercial like that. Brent said he was in a strange state of mind at the time. He said he was still working for Bubba and they had a lawsuit going on and other things too. Brent said he got a little arrogant with that election.
Fred played some of the audio of Brent's TV commercial that ran when he was running for city council. Howard pretended he was seeing it for the first time and seeing that guy from Bubba's show who used to throw shit into a fan. Howard said he's out of mind for approving that message. Howard said that was one take Brent too. Howard asked what that song is. Fred said it's the Brent Hatley march.
Howard said that music reminds him of those carousels that have the horses going up and down. Howard said it just keeps repeating. Howard asked if Bubba was backing his campaign. Brent said he gave him a generous donation. Howard said no wonder he got rid of him. Howard asked if he speaks to Bubba. Brent said he spoke to him a couple of months ago and he's holding up. He said he's out of his mind. He said he saw that he wrote ''Nice tits'' to Ronnie when he posted a picture of Stephanie. Howard said he has to go. He was going to let the caller go but the caller said he saw some action over there in Iraq. He said they had a lot of shit happen. Howard said you have to be real brave to go over there. Howard said he really has to go. He said that's enough military talk.
Howard said he has to pee real bad. He said he was up a couple of times last night peeing. He said he's a little cranky. Howard said a lot of people were emailing him about the Trump tapes and all of that. Howard said he doesn't even know what he said. He said he just said he can't wait for the election to be over. Robin said he also said that he knows what he's looking for when he interviews people and he got Trump to talk about women and sex. Robin said he was doing it in the spirit of the show and he won't replay the tapes because that would be a betrayal of the guest. Howard said he made headlines over that. He said some were for and some were against him. He said he was just stating the facts.
Howard said he has to go fix his hair. He said Sarah Jessica is on her way up. He said he has to fix his hair and fluff it up a little bit.
Robin said they say that Ryan Lochte popped a boner on Dancing with the Stars last night. Howard said he hasn't been watching lately. Robin said it was Latin night. Howard said he's not sure how you do that on TV. He said there's no way he'd pop a boner on TV. Robin said they say he had a boner when his partner ripped his pants off in their dance routine. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he has Sarah Jessica Parker there. He said she's in the HBO show ''Divorce'' now. Howard said she's a big star. Howard asked if she goes by Sarah Jessica. Sarah said she can go by SJ too. She said she's one of 8 kids so she's answered to everything. Howard asked if it was horrible growing up with a family like that. Sarah said no.
Sarah thanked Howard for having her in. Howard said they're honored. Sarah said she'd like to say ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' too. Howard said that he heard Andy Cohen was a big part of getting her on the show. Sarah said he's a very good friend and yes he was. Howard said he's connected to so many people. Howard said if you're friends with him then you're connected to all of the great parties. Sarah said he's very willing to admit he has a butterfly quality. She said he has a full, active, colorful life. She said he relishes all of it. Howard asked if that's how you know you're an A-list celebrity.
Sarah said she met Andy 15 or more years ago. She said he was working for CBS producing segments. Sarah said they have some mutual friends and their paths crossed. She said he used to produce segments for the morning show. She said they've been friends for long before her son was born and he's 14. Howard said he sees pictures of them on vacation and it looks so fun. Howard said she's parading around with Andy. Sarah said they do go on vacation and they're amazing vacations. She said he'll be thrilled to hear how much they're talking about him.
Howard said the key to happiness is having friends apparently. Sarah said that they do see each other at parties. She said that he's surrounded by so many people who seem to like him. Howard said they have been at parties. He said they have polite banter. Howard said he always feels like he's bothering her. Howard said she's unapproachable. Howard said he wouldn't bother her with his nonsense. Sarah said that's nonsense.
Howard said Sarah has something about her. He said he can't take her eyes off of her. Howard said it's true. Sarah said she never watches anything that she's in. She said she has only seen Sex and the City episodes just once. Howard asked why she would want the hassle of doing that show. Sarah said she loves producing. Howard asked what producing means. Sarah said this show ''Divorce'' she started working on 4 years ago. Howard said that Paul Sims works on the show and he was from Larry Sanders Show too. Howard asked what he does. Sarah said he's the show runner. Howard asked what that means. Sarah said he's their leader. She said the writers get together and talk about the season and the arc for the show. Sarah said she's in conversations with Paul and then the outlines come back to her for the season. Howard said then she tells them what's bullshit. Sarah said she chooses a different way of saying that. Howard asked if she's more diplomatic. Sarah said it's a real conversation. She said that they're part of the conversation from the very beginning. Howard said if the show sucks or if it's good then it's her fault.
Howard asked Sarah about doing Sex and the City and if she was paralyzed by that because it did so well. Howard said it's like she could screw up the legacy if the new show doesn't do well. Sarah said she did wait a while. She said she was excited about the idea for this show ''Divorce.'' She said that once she knew what it was going to be like she found it interesting. She said she loves and does this so she thought it would work.
Howard asked if she worries about ratings or anything. Sarah said she's tireless and she thinks you have to pull yourself across the finish line bloody. Howard asked if she sits in on the auditions. She said she does. Sarah said when someone crosses the threshold into a room wanting a job she can't stand the exit. She said she wants to make sure they have something to feel good about when they leave. Howard asked if someone comes in who sucks and messes it up and someone laughs at them in the room does she ream them for that. Sarah said that she has never been in a room with someone who has done that to someone. She said that she doesn't want them to feel lousy when they leave. Howard said it sounds exhausting. Howard said she has to make them feel good about not getting the part. Sarah said some people don't audition well. She said that doesn't mean they're not right for the part. Sarah said she has cast people who have done well in the audition and they didn't do well in the job. She said that she hasn't had to fire anyone but she has experienced that.
Howard said Sarah's parents divorced when she was young. Howard said then there are 8 kids in the family. Sarah said her mom gave birth to all 8 of the kids. She said she's the 4th of 8. She said her mother remarried and had more kids. She said she had 4 with her dad and 4 more with the new dad. She said that she still has a good relationship with her biological father.
Howard said Sarah knew what she wanted to do as a kid. Howard said the family moved to New York and she was the great hope of the family. Sarah said her older brother Toby is an actor. She said that he's still working. Howard said there must be jealousy there. Sarah said she doesn't know about that. She said she has a different career but they're very close. Sarah said he's a beautiful actor and he has a job on Broadway. She said his life is really full. Sarah said she thinks that her father wanted to start a business in New York and there were hopes they'd find success. She said because there were so many of them they weren't the center of attention. She said they took the subway to auditions.
Howard asked if she was one of the coolest kids in school. Sarah said she was the opposite. She said no one was interested in Annie. Howard said she thought she'd be cool because she was in Annie. Sarah said she became very friendly with her best friend Molly but they weren't invited to parties or anything. She said they were classic outcasts. She said she wasn't popular at all. Howard said she's 11 years old and she's cast in The Innocence. Sarah said her brother Toby got that as well. Howard asked if she's like a savant or something. Sarah said she doesn't think so. She said she just loves acting. Howard asked if she was nervous as a kid. She said you don't get nervous until you're older and have responsibilities.
Howard said he was nervous growing up. Sarah said there must have been things he was expecting from the experience. She said as a kid you don't expect those things.
Howard asked if she ever got upset about rejection. Sarah said she would go to auditions and she'd tell the guys that she never gets those jobs so she didn't know why she was even there. Howard said that's the kind of thing he thinks she'd worry about. Sarah said she never got discouraged. She said she felt she was doing something she loved. She said it was fun and it's why kids like playing soccer or hockey or whatever. She said this is what she loved.
Howard asked how old she was when she got Annie. She said she was 13. She said she was the understudy for Annie and she played July for a year. She said she played Annie for a year too. Howard said that was a mega smash. Howard said she must have been making 4 grand a week. Sarah said she was making more than her father ever made a week. Howard asked why she didn't become the obnoxious kid. He asked how she was kept grounded. Sarah said when you're one of 8 kids you're expected to take care of the other kids. She had to share a bedroom with her older sister. She said she just wanted her own room.
Sarah said after she finished Square Pegs, where she was making $4,000 a week. Howard said that was another great job. Howard asked where that was shot. She said that was out in Norwalk, California. She said out there she had to have a parent or guardian around her all the time. She said in New York she didn't need that. She said it was tough on her mom.
Howard asked Sarah if she sang last night at the Hillary Clinton fund raiser. Sarah said she did. Howard asked if she was expected to make a donation there. Sarah said she thinks they always ask. Howard said she performed last night. She said she did and she sang ''Tomorrow'' with the original Annie. Sarah said she has never done anything like that. Howard asked how that came about. Sarah said Harvey Weinstein was traveling back from an event with her and they came up with the idea. Sarah said it was a very sentimental thing. Howard asked what time she was up until last night. She said it was like 12. She said that she has kids so she's used to being tired. Sarah said she sang a couple of lines in the song and then she introduced Andrea.
Howard asked Sarah if she has someone who dresses her. She said she picks out her own clothes. Howard asked if she feels pressure when she goes out. Howard said every woman is looking to her for what to wear. Sarah said she doesn't feel that pressure.
Howard asked Sarah if she does therapy. She said she has dabbled. Howard said he goes every day. Howard said he's past dabbling. Howard said he would love to dabble but he's too screwed up.
Howard said his daughters worship her. Howard said he has a 33 year old, a 30 year old and a 23 year old. He said they're all over the place. He said one wants to be a nurse and one is into social work. Howard said one of them just got married. Howard said it was a whole thing. Sarah said they turned out well and he was able to raise them.
Howard said after Annie Sarah got the Square Pegs thing. Sarah said she auditioned for it in New York city and then she came back. She said that they were very nice to her and they kept bringing her back again and again. Howard said she was asked to play a character in Footloose named Rusty and she turned it down because she had to have red hair and that would be like playing Annie again. Howard asked if the script looked shitty. Sarah said it was completely different than anything. Sarah said Kevin Bacon had just come off Diner and she loved that movie. She said she was mad for Kevin. She said she'd knock on his door where they were shooting and ask if he wanted any groceries. She said he had a girlfriend at the time.
Howard said she did that movie as an adult so she didn't have to have her parents around. Howard asked where she got the guts to tell them she wasn't going to play Rusty and cut her hair. Howard asked about seeing the movie for the first time. She said that she had to do reshoots for the movie for more dancing. She said she went to the premiere with the guy from MacGyver. She said it was just a friendly thing. She said the movie made 9 million that weekend and that was pretty big. She said it wasn't very costly to make. Howard asked if she was shocked by the success of that movie. She said that there were some big hit numbers there. Howard asked if she thought she was going to be huge after that. Sarah said she doesn't know. She said that movie was big. She said the premiere was big. She said she loved the director and he only yelled at her a couple of times.
Howard said Sarah was the sexy girl in the movie she did with Steve Martin,called ''L.A. Story.'' Sarah said he is so much a part of the way he works. She said when she auditioned she didn't think she'd get the part. She said she had to audition over and over. Howard asked if they had her get into a bathing suit for that. She said they didn't. She said it was jeans and a t-shirt. Howard said it's funny they don't ask her to do that. Sarah said that happened with the costume designer in the movie. Sarah said that changed the course of everything for her. She said she was cast in Honeymoon in Vegas because of that movie. She said she didn't even have to audition.
Howard said they sent her a treadmill so she'd stay in shape for the movie. Howard asked if that was insulting. Sarah said it seemed old fashioned to her at the time. Sarah said she was doing a movie of the week in Iowa and she had a treadmill next to her. She said she just did it and she didn't take offense to it. She said it was old fashioned but she wasn't offended. Sarah said it wasn't inappropriate. She said it was like asking her to work on an Irish accent for a role.
Howard asked if she's still friendly with Steve. Sarah said they all had dinner together. Howard said he knows but he's not sure how that relationship is. Sarah said it's very friendly when they do see each other. Howard said he wasn't able to tell if they were close or not. Sarah said she was very shy at that dinner. She said she didn't know Howard at all. Howard said he thought she'd jump into the conversation. Sarah said she had someone else there next to her. Howard said he tried to engage with her. Sarah said they did speak a little bit. She said she pulls back a bit. She said she doesn't want to be pushy. She said she thinks she's shy. Sarah said she loves conversation but when she doesn't know people she likes to listen.
Howard asked Sarah if she falls in love with the people she works with. Howard said he finds the set of a movie to be very romantic. Sarah said it is. She said that's part of the magic that can or can't happen. She said that time suspends and everything else is on hold. She said you're contractually obligated to fall in love with this person. She said it's a very seductive environment.
Howard said he never read about her falling for anyone like Steve Martin. Howard asked if she dated Nic Cage. She said they did date. Howard said her world is set up for her. Howard said the real test is when the movie ends. Howard said she realizes how seductive the set is. Howard said at the end of the day you get to know who the other person is. Sarah said you should fall in love and have real and not real experiences. She said she loves it all. She said she would recommend it. Sarah said you'll look back and love this memory.
Howard said people always ask why her marriage has lasted. Howard said he thinks she hit it on the head. He said that she had a lot of experiences before she got married. Sarah said you should have relationships and struggle through them in your 20s.
Howard said Nic Cage is so big that a relationship is almost doomed from the start. Howard said they have so much going on and they're the most popular and beautiful and successful. Howard said it would be hard to maintain a relationship like that. Sarah said it can be. She said the part that doesn't work are the parts that don't work. Howard said this has him thinking about her marriage and why it's successful.
Howard said Ed Wood is one of his favorite movies. Howard asked if she knew it was going to be great when she read the script. Sarah said she met with Tim Burton and he told her what it was going to be like and then she read the script. She said she was told what the role was going to be before she read it.
Howard asked if she feels the envy of fellow actors because she was getting all of this work. Sarah said a lot of them were getting a lot of work too. She said she and Cynthia Nixon have been getting work since they were kids. Howard said they have great chemistry. Howard asked if it was hard for her when the show was such a success that she had to return every year. Howard asked if she just wanted to leave but she stayed for the other women. Sarah said she didn't actually. She said the show ended after they talked about it with HBO and Michael Patrick King. She said that they owed it to the other women to have them as part of it. Sarah said that they told them it was a wise decision and she thinks it was hard for all of them but it was something they agreed should happen. Sarah said they are meant to do other things as actors. She said they were just working actors. She said they needed to go do something else.
Howard said if you get something hot like that then just keep the job. Sarah said that's the hard thing to resist. She said that's the lure. Sarah said it takes a huge amount of work to do a show like that every week. Sarah said you want to produce a movie every week. She said they were doing 80 and 100 hour weeks. She said it was nuts. She said they were doing some episodes that were 20 days. She said they were just filling it up and filling it up. Sarah said they were going to Paris and filming there. She said they were filming on film like a movie.
Howard said Sarah turned the show down at first. Howard said she wanted out of the show. Sarah said she went to her agents and said she didn't feel like she should be doing TV. She said she got panicked about being locked in. Sarah said it was the same thing over and over again. Sarah said it was like she was put in a straight jacket. Sarah said she explained that to her agent. She said she did the pilot already but she hadn't even seen it. Sarah said someone stopped her on the street and said she had seen it. She said she was told it was great. She said then she panicked. She wanted to do other things. Sarah said she met with HBO and they told her she can do a movie or whatever she wants to do and they'd figure it out. She said they told her to give it a chance. Sarah said they shot the first episode just blocks from her apartment. She said she did that show an she never looked back. She said there wasn't one single day she didn't want to be there.
Howard asked if HBO paid well. He said he's heard they're cheap. Sarah said they paid very well. Howard said they weren't doing a lot of scripted shows at the time. Sarah said she had a 3 year contract as her first contract. She said in the old days it was like 7 years.
Howard asked if it's true that she and Kim Cattrall didn't get along on the set. Sarah said the people she worked with she grew to love and admire. She said that things weren't perfect but it's a family of people who relied on each other. She said the rumors really upset her. She said that they went on a long time. Sarah said they both felt like it had taken on a life and no matter what they did it kept going. Howard asked if it was upsetting to her. Sarah said it was. She said people just didn't want to believe it.
Howard asked if doing Ed Wood made her fall in love with Johnny Depp. Sarah said he's a great actor and that movie was a great experience. She said she really liked Johnny. She said she didn't know he was this quiet person. She said he was kind of a mystery to people. Howard asked if working with people like that makes her nervous. She said she's a wreck around people like that. Howard asked how you get over that. Sarah said she always expects to be nervous and anxious. She said she just tries to do good work in spite of feeling scared and nervous. Sarah said they're nervous too.
Sarah said Dustin Hoffman worried about getting work after doing huge movies. Sarah said that you have this finite period to get it all figured out and be as good as you possibly can be. She said you rehearse and rehearse over and over. She said movies have a rhythm and she loves it. She said she has met so many highly regarded actors and they're always nervous when they start shooting. She said she did a movie with Phillip Seymour Hoffman and she kept telling him she was afraid that she'd get fired. Howard asked if she's ever been fired. Sarah said she was fired from that animated movie ''Antz'' and ''At Close Range.'' She said she was fired for going in a different direction than they wanted. She said she was playing a cow in ''At Close Range.'' She said that she did many sessions for both movies. Howard asked if she did her own voice for Antz. She said she did. She said then they brought in Sharon Stone to play her part. She said the upsetting thing as that she was called a week before to tell her how great she was.
Howard asked if Sarah is a method actor. She said no. Howard asked if she studied acting. Sarah said no. Howard said he heard that Sharon Stone lived among ants to get the role. Howard asked if she ever works with actors who are method. Sarah said she has. She said she digs that. Sarah said she has her own way of working but you figure if you have an ear at all you figure out what you're doing. She said if you see a great director they can figure out what each actor needs. She said that she doesn't like to talk about the work on set. Sarah said she doesn't have technique. She said she knows that stuff but doesn't want to share it. She said she'd rather listen to the person and then react.
Howard said he can't believe she got fired from an animated movie. Sarah said she played a dog in a play. Robin said she saw her in that role. Sarah said that dog had a foul mouth.
Howard said he'd love to be in an animated movie. Howard said he can see Sarah as an ant. Sarah said she likes that they went back to the well and tried it again. Sarah said she was only paid per session for the animated stuff.
Howard said when you get a hit series you have so much freedom to do what you want. Howard said she didn't have to do the TV show ''Divorce'' if she didn't want to. Howard said Matthew is the one who convinced her to do ''Sex and the City.'' Sarah said her brother and Matthew read the script and they were almost forceful about it. Sarah said it was the last moment of the script that really did it. She told Howard about the scene and how great she thought it was. She said there was a great story to be told there.
Howard said that show is so iconic. Howard asked if her life changed and became complete chaos. Howard said the Paparazzi were all over her. Sarah said it did start then. Howard said she'd done a good job of laying low. Sarah said they live in the city so they have to go out and get a cab and all of that. Howard asked what they do to avoid it. Sarah said she puts her head down and just goes. She said that the kids don't want her engaging with them. She said that they'll get embarrassed. She said they don't want to have attention. Sarah said there are times when it feels less or more intrusive. She said now they have video cameras and that requires a discipline to not respond. She said there are far worse things that a person can do.
Howard said ''Divorce'' is the new HBO show. Howard said it's on Sunday nights at 10pm on HBO. Howard said he is still trying to figure out how she was in love with the husband on the show. Howard said now she's trying to get him back in the part he's up to in the show. Sarah said she loves doing the show. She said she thinks this relationship is like a lot of people. Sarah said they only do 10 episodes now so it's not 18 like it used to be. She said it's great to be able to choose to do something like this. Sarah said she likes to be thoughtful about what takes her away from her family.
Howard asked what the difference is between Instagram and Twitter for her. Sarah said the people on Twitter can be really nasty. She said it feels like a waste of time. She said there's no dialog happening. She said she's not equipped for it. Sarah said that the picture is more the focus on Instagram. She said it's not the same amount of interest in blasting her. She said she has a complicated relationship with Instagram too. She said she has never taken a selfie. Howard said if she did she'd have more followers.
Howard asked how she avoided nudity in Sex and the City. Sarah said she just said she wasn't going to do it. She said the other women talked about their level of comfort with it and they only did it if they felt comfortable doing it. Sarah said she thinks it's great if they can do it. She said she never felt like she had to be naked for the part. Howard said he thinks she'd be comfortable being nude. Howard asked what she does to stay in shape. She said she just walks around New York. She said she's not in shape.
Howard asked Sarah if she's embarrassed when someone tells her she's good looking. Sarah said she's not working out right now. She said she's not in shape. Howard asked what they would do if they were married. Sarah said she and Matthew have read books to one another. Howard said he doesn't think they could ever be married. Howard asked if she reads to the kids. She said she does. Howard said he'd love to have a book read to him by Sarah if she was his mother.
Howard asked Sarah what she eats for dinner. Sarah said she was up around 2 in the morning and she had some ham, grape leaves, cashews and some things like that. She said the other night they had steak and potatoes. She said Matthew cooked that.
Howard said that her son is at the age where he's going to have friends wanting to come over to see his mom. Sarah said he's not like that. Sarah said that the kids do come over to hang out but it has nothing to do with her or Matthew. Howard said he'd be walking around with a camera if it was him.
Howard said the show is called ''Divorce' and it's nice to have Sarah back on TV. Howard told her to tell people to watch the show. Howard said he and his wife watch it. Sarah said the show has some great people like Thomas Hayden Church, Molly Shannon and others. She said it's a smart, sophisticated story of a relationship. Howard said she's also starting a book company. Sarah said she is. She said she's going to read manuscripts and if she likes it she'll publish it. Howard said she's selling shoes too. Sarah said she likes shoes very much. Howard said he loves when she wears those heels. Howard asked how tall those are. She said they're 100mm so about 3 inches. She said they're all made in Italy. She said the dresses are made in America. She said that some of the other clothing is made in America too. Howard said she has fragrance too. Howard said she must be rolling in dough.
Howard said he was hanging out with Robert Downey Jr. recently too. Howard asked how it went when they got together. She said it was surprisingly not weird. She said that they were 18 when they met. She said that they're fundamentally the same. Sarah said the difference is that he has a family and a wife and his career is a massive thing. She said his true nature was completely familiar. Howard said when you know someone for 7 years you feel like you know them. Sarah said she always felt very affectionate toward him. She said she thought it ended well. She said she didn't have any bitterness toward him or anything. She said she has had bad breakups but that's okay too. Howard said he was worried about Matthew being upset with her having lunch with Robert. Sarah said he was fine with it. Howard said he'd be too jealous just having her in a movie with another guy and kissing him. Howard said she had to marry an actor because that's the only person who would understand. Sarah said maybe he's right. Sarah said she knows you hear that a hundred million times.
Howard said he can see her falling for someone like John Corbett on the set. Howard said he was aroused in every scene he did in Private Parts. Howard said he would start making out with Mary McCormack even though it wasn't in the script. Sarah said she'll be on ''Divorce'' this season.
Howard asked Sarah if she never felt herself getting aroused on the set. Sarah said she can see if she were single and she was playing someone opposite and she wasn't obligated she can see falling in love. Howard said when she's shooting ''Divorce'' and Matthew sees her making out with a guy does he get jealous. Sarah said he doesn't. She said she's seen scenes where Matthew is kissing someone and you shut down for a second but then you see things differently. She said he sat with her at the premiere the other night and it was the right way to look at it.
Howard asked if they show the kids their old movies. Sarah said they do show them some of them. Howard asked if they think their mom is cool after seeing that. Sarah said no. She said they don't like or respect her more. Howard said he'd love to be invited over to see their movies when they're showing the kids. Howard said he wants to be there when James Wilke sees ''War Games.'' Howard said he wants to show him Private Parts. Sarah said he would love that. She said his favorite movie was ''The Graduate.'' Howard said he's ready for it then.
Howard asked if they spy on James to see what he's seeing on the internet. Sarah said they do watch what he looks at. Howard said he should learn to clear his history.
Howard asked if she brings him to the set. She said she does. She said she's glad he doesn't want to be an actor. Howard said he should be a shock jock. Sarah said she wonders what that will mean in 10 years. Howard said there's nothing shocking left. Howard said it seems like Sarah doesn't curse at all. Sarah said she doesn't. She said her daughter told her that she got in trouble for saying hell. She said she told her that she heard her say it so she was shocked by that.
Howard started to wrap up with Sarah and gave her some more plugs. Howard said look for her shoes, perfume and everything. Howard asked if she's raising the kids with religion. Sarah said they're going to decide on that themselves. She said that she and Matthew weren't really brought up with it so they're going to let the kids decide. She said they do love Christmas and the gifts and all of that but they don't do it with the religious part. Howard said he's against Halloween. Howard said he thinks it's all wrong. Sarah said she doesn't like it either. She said she's never liked it. She said they do give out candy. She said her son is allergic to peanuts so they have other types of candy in the house. She said they have to be very careful and they always have the auto injector around.
Howard asked if Hillary thanked her for doing the fund raiser thing last night. She said she did. Howard asked if she went with Obama. Sarah said she went with the Clintons and Obama. Howard asked if she just hangs there. Howard said she's so shy. Sarah said she met the Clintons in Alabama in 1988. She said that she worked with them a lot and when he ran the first time that's when she started working with them. Howard said she must have some contact list on that cell phone.
Howard asked who she hangs with. She didn't say. Howard asked if she drinks. She said she likes wine and a Moscow Mule. Howard didn't know what that was. She said it's ginger beer and vodka she thinks.
Howard wrapped up with Sarah and give her some more plugs for ''Divorce.'' Howard said he and his wife are both watching it. They went to break a short time later. As they went to break they played the Fab Faux's cover of ''Penny Lane.'' They also played a Baba Booey song parody.
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Howard played Robin into her news with a song parody. Howard said he likes that version of the song. He said there's a bunch of songs that women have sent in lately. He said he'll do a two-for-Tuesday and play another one.
Robin started her news talking about the scary clown thing that's been going on lately. Robin said Ronald McDonald won't be making appearances and Target has taken clown costumes off their shelves. Howard said they're over reacting a bit. Howard said the only people talking about this are clowns. Howard said clowns aren't funny, they're scary. He said he likes there's a clown college. Robin said there's a World Clown Association too. Robin read a statement from the World Clown Association where they talk about the art of clowning and how they bring a fun experience to their audiences. Howard said he's pretty sure he could become a clown without going to clown college. He said he'd rather be an evil one than a good one too.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's ever happy that his dad was hard on him. Howard said he's thrilled about it. Howard asked if anyone was hard on him. The caller, Apples, said his dad was harder on him than Howard's dad was on him. Howard said he doesn't want to get into this. Apples said he thinks that he made him stronger. He said his dad made him eat his own puke once when he was a kid. Howard said that's awful. He said kids want to turn their parents into good people by justifying that. Apples said he learned how to call his mom after that. He said he was only 8 years old at the time. Howard said he has to get out of this conversation. He hung up on Apples after that.
Howard said he's getting the new iPhone today. He said he's kind of nervous about it. He said you have to have a special attachment on the phone to plug in headphones. Howard said his mother called him in the car the other day and she wasn't able to hear him. Howard said he let his mom go and she called back. He figured he'd wait until he got home. Howard said Beth has the iPhone 7 and it didn't have a headphone jack so he got pissed because he couldn't plug into it. Howard said he was trying to explain to his mother what was going on. He said he's not sure if he should be getting the new phone. Howard said he has to get Bluetooth and it'll probably give him cancer. Howard asked if Robin kept her phone near her vagina and that's how she got cancer. Robin said no that's not how it happened. Howard said Beth hates the camera on the new iPhone. He said she says it's slower than the old one.
Howard said Jason just ordered the new Google phone. Howard asked if that's the one that explodes. Robin said that was the Note 7 that explodes. Howard said he was thinking there might be something cool in that phone. Jason said he's seen pictures of the phone taking down cars. Howard asked Jason what he ordered. Jason said he's getting the new Google phone and switching over to Google's phone service. He said that he's leaving Verizon and it's about half the cost. Howard thanked him for the update and had Robin get back to her news.
Robin said she went to see ''Oh Hello'' on Broadway and it was very funny. She said that John Mullaney and Nick Kroll invited her to go. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read a story about Luke Perry being on the cover of AARP magazine. Robin said they're making a big deal about it. Robin said Luke is now 50 years old. Howard asked what he does now. Robin said he waits for AARP to put him on the cover. Robin said he must be happy to be on there because it's his first cover in a long time. Robin said they also talk about who else is turning 50 this year. Robin said Robin Wright is going to be 50. Halle Berry is also turning 50. Robin said Patrick Dempsey, David Schwimmer, Selma Hayak and John Cusack are also 50.
Robin said Bob Dylan was given the Nobel prize for literature and they're saying they can't get a hold of him. Robin said he doesn't even mention it when he's performing.
Robin read about the nominees for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Robin named Bad Brains and Howard had no idea who they were. Fred played one of their songs for Howard. Howard said they should be ''Bad Band.'' Fred played another song for Howard and he liked the Morse code in that one. Robin said that Chaka Khan is also nominated. Fred played one of her hit songs. Robin said Depeche Mode is another nominee. Fred played one of their songs for Howard. He cut it off and played another one of their songs. Howard said he knows that one too. He said it sounds kind of like that guy in that band Dead or Alive. Robin said the J. Geils Band is nominated too. Howard said they should be in. Fred played one of their hits. Robin said Jane's Addiction is nominated. Howard said they should be in too. Fred played one of their songs for Howard too. Howard said the guys were on the set of Private Parts. Janet Jackson is also a nominee. Howard said that's not rock. Robin said she's pregnant for the first time at the age of 50. Howard asked how she did that. Robin said she doesn't know. Robin said Joan Baez is nominated too. Howard said she's good too. Fred played one of her songs. Howard said she should definitely be in. Joe Tex and Journey are also nominated. Howard said fuck Steve Perry. He said he still has it in for that guy. He said the other guys are nice but he should have stepped on his head. He said he's about 4 feet tall. He said that's what he should have done. Robin said Kraftwerk is also nominated. Fred played one of their songs. Howard said this is what fun is in Germany. He said fuck them too... Germany, not Kraftwerk. Howard said he still holds a grudge. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read more of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominees. She said NC5, Pearl Jam, Steppenwolf, The Cars, The Zombies, Tupac Shakur and Yes are also nominees. Howard kept saying that the bands should be in it but only 5 can get in. Howard said Gary has a vote. He said he should give him his vote. Gary said he can have it. Howard said these guys all have time to sign up and vote. Gary said someone asked them to be in it. Howard asked who it was. Gary said he's not saying his name on the air. Robin and Howard went through the bands again and Howard kept saying yes to a bunch of the bands. They got back to Journey and Howard said he'll vote for the new singer from Journey, Arnel Pineda, instead of Steve Perry. Howard said he loves that Steve Perry was replaced. Robin said Howard is putting in The Cars, Pearl Jam, Jane's Addiction, J. Geils and Yes. Howard told Gary to write that in as his vote.
Robin said the next debate is tomorrow night. Robin said that Hillary has been preparing for it. Robin said Trump has been out campaigning. Robin said they're saying that it looks like an electoral landslide for Hillary if they did the vote right now. Robin said it looks like it's going to be Hillary's year.
Robin said Melania Trump appeared on TV on CNN and on FOX and talked about this tape with Billy Bush and about the women who have accused Donald of being inappropriate. Robin had some audio of her talking about how Billy was egging her husband on to get him to talk like that. Howard said he doesn't knock her language skills because if he had to move to that hell hole she came from he's sure if he had to speak her language it would be a disaster. Robin had a clip of Melania talking about the women who have come forward about Trump's past behavior. Howard said he can't wait for this election to be over. He said it's too long. It just goes on and on.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump calling for Hillary Clinton to be drug tested before the next debate. Robin said people have been talking about his sniffling and now he's saying that she came in all pumped up. Howard said they should weigh in too like a boxing match. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about the drug test. Howard said this is the most entertaining election ever. He said that's why he was the best guest ever. Howard said he should cut off a lock of her hair and have it sent out. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin had some audio of people yelling out at a Trump rally. They were yelling ''Paul Ryan sucks!'' Robin said there's a lot of craziness going on in the republican party.
Robin said there are more Wikileaks allegations coming out. Robin had some audio of someone on Clinton's team saying that they looked into it and it's just not true. Robin said Julian Asange is holed up in the Ecuadorian embassy right now. Howard said he read that Pam Anderson brought him some vegan food.
Robin read a story about Halloween face paints being tested for cancer causing ingredients and many of the paints have heavy metals in them. Robin said don't put that stuff on your kid's face.
Robin said Phil Collins is coming out of retirement and doing some shows in Europe. Robin said he won't be playing drums but he may play for one song. Robin had some audio of Phil talking about how he may play in his garage.
Robin said Amy Schumer had some people walk out of her show the other night when she brought up a Trump supporter and told him off on stage. Robin said a lot of people got up and walked out.
Robin read that Pepsi is lowering the amount of sugar in some of their products to cut down on obesity. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:40am.
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Howard started the show talking about how someone said he should put out a music record. Howard said he did. It was what was playing which was ''The Great American Nightmare.'' Howard said they performed that live on MTV. Howard said he put out one song and it was on MTV. He said that was a great night. They did it for the movie premiere. Howard said he was back stage with Rob Zombie and he looks like he's in a zombie movie. Howard said he looked too normal so Rob put a hat on him and then put some talcum powder on him. He said he could barely breathe that night. Robin asked why they didn't work it out that night. Howard said he has no business being in a recording studio either.
Fred played the MTV version of the song. Fred said it looks great. Howard said he wishes he could see it. He asked if Fred can spin the monitor around. Fred wasn't able to do it. Howard said he was on a high that night. He said he had a movie coming out and he was in a Pope Mobile driving around.
Howard said Rob has stage moves he does instead of dancing. Howard said he wasn't doing anything himself. He said he started imitating Rob's stomping. He said Rob looks way cooler than him. He said that's his dance move. He said he was dancing recently and he was copying what everyone else was doing dancing. He said he doesn't play guitar or anything so he wasn't air guitaring or anything. He said he just wanted to walk off with his dignity.
Howard said that was a cool night. He said the band looked great. He said he picked up his guitar recently and he got really rusty. He said you have to practice every day. Robin said that's what the bands say when they come in. Howard said he was building up an act and had a couple of songs he could do. Howard said he was doing it during his America's Got Talent days. He said the thing with that show is they tape everything you do. He said Howie called him out and they handed him a guitar. He said he played ''Old Man'' and it shut everyone up. Howard said he was really excited for them to put it on TV but they never did. He said it cost too much money to clear the song. He said he should have performed ''Row, Row, Row Your Boat'' or something. Howard said he did the really good ''Old Man'' and shut everyone up but no one will ever see it.
Gary came in to show Howard the Rob Zombie video. Howard said he was so adored back then. Howard said it wasn't enough attention for him even then. Howard said Rob was ahead of his time. He said his whole band was dressed like zombies. Howard watched the video and Rob was stomping around. Howard said he didn't know what to do with himself. Fred said he's got a lot of experience with that. Howard said he looks cute with that long hair. Howard said he should go back to that look. He said Rob looks good too. Howard said Rob is the best looking guy he's ever seen. He said he'd like to look like Rob before John Stamos. Howard said he thinks it's a good look.
Howard said Joey Ramone had a big problem. He said he looked like him. He said Joey had like 3 rows of teeth too. He said he may have eaten a twin when he was born. Howard said he loved the guy but he was a mess. Howard said he was a great performer and a great guest. Howard said they both have the same look but he didn't end up with the 3 rows of teeth. Robin said Marilyn Manson has a look too. Howard said he does. He said he's way out there. Howard said he could swear that he put his hand on his leg once. He said he was dating Rose McGowan at the time though. Howard said he wondered if he wanted to have a threesome and he could maybe fuck Rose. Howard said he wasn't sure what was going on there.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who asked about the Sarah Jessica Parker interview. Howard said he took a picture with her and Beth may have felt some jealousy. Howard said he does have a thing for Sarah Jessica. He said he likes her appearance. Howard said she had some cute pants on with high heels. Howard said he has had sex with some actresses and it's always quite charming. Howard said they like to have their bodies worshiped. Howard said he thinks Sarah would be free in bed. He said maybe not with him but with her husband.
Howard said he found this video on YouPorn and it was this guy who was the step-brother and the step-sister is there and she makes out with another girl and then he asks them to blow him and they say no. Howard said the guy had a dick so big he wasn't even able to get it all in the girls. He said they start kissing his penis and balls and they're not sure why they're even doing it. Howard said then they skip right to the guy having his dick in the sister's ass. Howard said she was making out with her friend and that was about all he saw. He said it was one of the best he's ever seen on there. Howard said the girls weren't disgusting.
Howard said in another video the step-father was making out with his daughter. Howard said she had bruises up and down her legs though so it was kind of disturbing. Howard said he had to get out of that video. He said that girl may have just been pushed down the stairs before doing that. He asked what's wrong with him getting off on step-brothers and sisters. He said he doesn't approve of this kind of thing. He said he finds it all immoral. Howard said he's never fantasized about this stuff. He said he sees it on YouPorn and it interests him. Howard said he was going to bring it up in therapy but he was too embarrassed. Robin said it would be great if he freaked the guy out so much that he gave him his money back.
Howard said you should see him jerking off. He said he should let Robin watch. Robin said no to that. Howard said he bets she'd give a good hand job. Howard asked if she's good at that. Robin said she doesn't know and leave her alone.
Jim said he bets Robin would be good at oral. Howard said she had to watch a video to learn it. He said he's not sure if she is. Howard said he's terrible at it. Howard said he's the worst. He said he cums so fast. Howard said he bets Fred gives good hand jobs. Fred laughed. Fred said Benjy uses the Western grip when he does it.
Howard asked what that noise is. It was a shake or an earthquake or something. Howard said he had a little gas and they freak out. Benjy said that was fucking big. Howard said they are doing some construction in the building. Robin said she lived through a 6.3 earthquake.
Howard asked if anyone is going to watch the debate tonight. He said he just wants the election over with. Robin said this is the last one at least. Jim said he's so ready for it to be over. Howard said it's a mess. Robin said it's ripping the whole country apart.
Jim asked Howard about the movie ''Private Parts'' and if Paramount has approached him about doing anything special for the 20th anniversary. Howard said he thinks that ship has sailed. He said he read that Harry Shearer is suing over the movie Spinal Tap because he claims he's only gotten like 92 cents after all these years. Howard said he applauds that. Howard said he was reading article after article about Billy Bush getting 9 million dollars from NBC and people are upset about it. Howard said that he isn't working again so he has to get some kind of pay out. Howard said this guy built a career and they build this into the contract. Howard said when they can you for some crazy tape that came out you better be set for life. Howard asked if he's going to go work in a pizza store. Robin said he won't get the full 9 million either. Robin said most of it will be taxes. Howard said he has to live on that the rest of his life. Jim said he deserves it.
Howard said he goes back to Chevy Chase. He said he's a superior talent. Howard said he's a great comedy actor. Howard said they gave him a talk show on FOX and the built him up so much. He said they fired him and then bad mouthed him. Howard said they ruined his reputation so he deserved the big pay out he got. Howard said he understands the pay outs. Robin said they're nothing compared to what executives get when they get their golden parachutes.
Jim said he's not sure why people are jealous of people who make money. Howard said when someone gets a big payday you'd think you'd be happy for them. Howard said he'd be jealous too but he's happy for anyone in his line of business who gets paid. Howard said it gives him hope.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he watched Gotham this week. Howard said he did. The caller asked if he thought Penguin and the Riddler were going to kiss in a scene. Howard said he thinks they're gay for each other. Howard said it's a comic book and they were never gay in the comic book. Robin said this isn't in the comic book world though. Robin said they're doing stuff that wasn't done in the comic books. Howard said he doesn't want that. He said they shouldn't be gay. He said he's all for gay people but not that. Howard said they're going in very strange places over there. The caller said he loves Benjy as he was hanging up so Howard said he can never call in again.
Howard said Neil Cavuto had a person on his show agreeing with what Melania said. Howard played the clip of this woman saying Melania is absolutely right. Howard said this woman is basically saying that Trump is so dumb that he can be tricked into saying anything. Howard said they should cut that out. Howard said this woman sounds like an idiot.
Howard had another clip where a woman was disagreeing with what Melania said and pointed out that she was on Howard Stern talking about how she was wearing just about nothing. Howard said he remembers that. He said that was hot. Robin didn't remember that. Robin asked if he made her say those things too. Howard said he makes everyone say those things.
Howard said he made Trump say what he said because he's a hypnotist. Howard said he can't even convince Benjy to stop staring at him.
Howard said he likes that byte of fake Perez Hilton saying ''Benjy!'' Howard said that's Kyle Dunnigan doing that.
Howard said he kind of digs that these people are talking about him like this. He said he can't buy into that bullshit though. Howard said Trump loved being on the show. Robin said he used to. Howard said now he won't even call him at home. He said that stopped. Howard asked what he did wrong? Robin said they never do anything wrong but they get tarred anyway.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Trump was having the time of his life when he was in there. Howard said he thinks he was. Howard said he was a good guest and he was uncensored and unfiltered on the show. Howard said it will bite you in the ass if you run for president though.
Howard took a call from fake Melania Trump who said they would have boiled him in pot in her country. She was talking about Howard. She said she wants his balls to use for powder. She said they use Jew Balls over there. Howard asked what she's wearing. Melania said she's wearing nothing. She blamed Howard for 9/11. Howard let her go a short time later.
Robin said that Trump is living the life of the guy on Modern Family with the wife who can barely speak the language. Howard said a woman like that is adorable until you get annoyed with them. Then it's the most annoying thing ever. Howard said he's been to strip clubs and the girls are fascinating. Then after a while if he had an accident in his pants he's completely annoyed.
Howard said the debates are in Vegas. He said the slogan is ''What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas.'' Howard said every news station is reporting on this and saying the same stupid cliché. Howard played the clip and every reporter used that phrase in some way.
Robin asked how they don't know that everyone is going to use that phrase. Howard said some kid copywriter wrote it for them. Howard said they all have that annoying announcer voice too.
Howard played a clip of a reporter saying ''Erection'' instead of election. Howard said he's semi-hard over there right now. Robin asked if he saw the picture of Ryan Lochte with the boner. Howard said he didn't. Howard said he needs to see that.
Howard said he tried a new Yogurt. He told Robin about how it's got nothing in it. Howard said it's unsweetened. He said he loved the Siggis but this will make him even thinner and more ripped. Howard said it's called Fage. He said it's pronounced ''Fa-yay.'' He said they have to tell you how it's pronounced. Howard said they should get a name that's easily pronounced. He said it's good. He said it has no flavor but that's fine.
Howard said Beyonce gave out a message at a concert. He said Nicki Minaj did too. Howard said it shows the difference between the two. Howard played Beyonce's message first. She was talking about how young people can make a difference. Howard said that was nice. He said it sounds kind of sexy. Howard said she's probably twerking during that. Then Nicki Minaj gave a message. Howard played her message and she was cursing and using the N-word in her speech.
Fred read some details about her life. He said that her father was addicted to alcohol and other drugs and he burned down their house in 1987. Howard said she's got some street cred. Howard said it makes no sense to burn down your own house.
Howard said it sounded like she was saying the full on ''nigger'' and not ''nigga.'' Howard said those are not like the concerts he ever went to. He said the Allman brothers never called him a ''weak ass nigga.'' Robin said she thinks that she was pretty upset about men in that speech.
Howard said Randy Quaid is another nut. He said he's gone crazy. Howard played a clip of Randy talking about what a disaster this country will be if Hillary wins. Howard laughed as he listened to Randy rambling in that clip. Howard said he was the character that went crazy in that movie ''Independence Day'' and he may be a method actor. Robin said she thought he was in Canada but he must have come back.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to be Nicki Minaj's biggest fan. The caller said she was angry and yelled about how Howard should be angry too because he grew up looking like a mother fucking witch. Howard asked what that was after he hung up on her.
Howard took a call from the kid from Kuwait, Slayman. Howard asked how he's doing. Slayman said school is killing him. Howard said he believes knowledge is power but if he could go back he'd take guitar seriously. Howard said he wouldn't concentrate on pussy. He said he'd just jerk off a lot. Howard said he'd play guitar and take Martial Arts. He said he'd read and shit too. Howard said he means ''stuff.'' Howard said that would be his life. He said he'd be like Batman. Robin said he doesn't know how he'd turn out. Howard said he would be like that character Keanu Reeves plays... John Wick. Howard said he'd be that guy with a really good band.
Howard said he could have been better than he is. Slayman said he listens to him every day so he is someone already. Howard said he could have been better though. Howard said he was in his parent's garage drinking Whiskey Sours. He said he never did homework. He said if he did maybe he could have been a smart guy. He said he thought he was above it all. Robin said maybe this was his destiny. Howard said that's great sitting there with Fred.
Slayman said he was thinking about how funny Jeff the Drunk's cough is. He said he was laughing his ass off at that cough.
Howard said there are a lot of people who are confused about who he's for in this election. Howard said he thinks Hillary would be a great president and he's been a supporter of her's for a long time. Howard said he told Trump this when he was still talking to him. Howard said he likes Trump as a guest on the show. Howard said he wouldn't have changed the way he interviewed him though. Howard said he told him when he called up that he wonders why he would run. Howard said he knew he was going to be scrutinized. Howard said he told him he has a great life so why ruin it with this. Howard said he doesn't know why he'd do that to himself. Howard said he's sure that he'll agree that he shouldn't have done it.
Slayman said just ignore the negative stuff. Howard said that place he has in Florida is 10 times nicer than the White House. Howard asked what the hell he's doing. He said he said that to him. Robin said he's in it now. Howard said he thinks he thought it was going to be a publicity thing. Robin said she knows that some of the buildings on the upper West Side are lobbying to get their name changed.
Howard said even the asshole who owns Chick-Fil-A shouldn't bring politics into the business. Howard said don't polarize. Howard said he figured out long ago that he can say whatever he wants and people will listen. He said if you're a company like Proctor and Gamble you just shut your mouth. Howard said he has no idea who the Jell-O people are voting for. He said he has no idea who Ronald McDonald is voting for and that's the way it should be.
Howard said his daughter was over in Japan and she told him about how they have such fresh beef over there. He said they hand you papers and they show the cow's family tree. Howard said over there they press the cow's nose up against the paper to authenticate the identify. Howard said he said to his daughter he could never eat a cow. Howard said they're peaceful and beautiful animals. Howard said she said to him that it was too much information. Howard said they tell you the cow's last words. Benjy asked what the point of it is. Howard said Kobe beef is very expensive. Howard said there are few places in this country where you can get it. Howard said from the time the cow was born they massage the cow and over feed it so it's fatty. Fred said it's like Benjy. Howard said they raise it to be this incredible beef. Howard said they want to show that they're free range and all of that. Fred said it has to do with counterfeiting too. Howard said his daughter told him that the cows live better than JD.
Howard said the cows must think they have the life. Howard said they live better than the people and then their heads are chopped off. Howard said the more he hears about other countries the less he wants to visit them. Howard said he loves where he lives. He said god bless New York. He said there are certain states he doesn't want to go to. Howard said Idaho sounds like the kind of place for him though. He said there are only like a million people there. He said he loves rural places. He said he was never happier than when he lived in Hartford. He said it was so nice out there. Howard said he hates going outside and he'd love to just stay in and paint. He said he could paint all kinds of landscapes and all of that.
Jason came in and said there are only 8 restaurants that sell Kobe beef in the United States. He said that they have the papers that Howard was talking about. He said they actually had 3 restaurants that were fake and they had to change it.
Howard said Jason just bought a smoker for like $2400. Jason said it was brought up from Georgia. He said he's made pulled pork and things like that on it. He said he makes his own bacon from scratch and his own pastrami. Howard said he's going to be even fatter. He said his back yard is like a slaughter house. Howard said he's totally evolved. Howard said he won't give up fish though. Howard said maybe he will. He said yesterday he was totally vegetarian. He said he had an egg wrap yesterday for lunch. He said he had an eggplant and pasta dish for diner. He said he ate so little yesterday he didn't even take a dump. Then he drove around in his big limo.
Howard said Ronnie says his limo does better with gas than his car does. Howard said he really has to take a break. He said it's been an hour and 6 minutes. Howard asked Ronnie what he was saying about the gas. Ronnie said it's pretty good on gas. He said it's not like a hybrid. Ronnie said his truck used to be worse on gas than the limo. He said he had a Denali. Howard said it takes less gas than the Denali. Robin said that's not saying anything great. Ronnie said it averages 16-17 miles per gallon which is pretty good. He said it'll do maybe 20 on the highway. Howard said he wants to get a smaller car. Ronnie said they're working on that. Howard said he wants something smaller. He actually needs a bus for the animal rescues.
Howard said he has a mommy cat and her six babies in his bathroom at home. Howard said the kittens are 4 days old and they're tiny. Howard said they have a big area in the bathroom for them to stay. Howard said the vet came yesterday to examine them. Howard said Beth took pictures so she can tell them apart. Howard said the mother kept tricking them by picking up the kittens and taking them back. Howard said he gets very relaxed watching nature. Robin said she's glad he's on cats and not fish now. Howard said he had a holocaust going on with the fish. He said they jumped out of the tank because ie was so bad.
Howard said he's embarrassed riding in the big car now. Ronnie said you don't see people in the big cars anymore. Howard said he has to get something smaller. Ronnie said they're going extinct. Howard said he loves the car though. Ronnie said he hates that fucking thing. He said he's waiting on some other thing to come out. Howard said he has to get on that. Ronnie said he's on it.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said when they come back he's not sure what will happen. They went to break after that.
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Howard played another ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' from a California TV station. The announcer got out the ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard played a clip from a golf tournament and a golfer got out a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' during an interview.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if anyone believes that Jon Hein doesn't like ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' She was talking and someone was talking over her. She said she was on a bus and it was an announcement. The caller said Jon Hein must love it. Howard said he can tell Jon is just annoyed. He said you have to know Jon to know when he's annoyed. Robin said if he had made it up he'd be happy with it. He said Jon loves when people say ''Jump the shark'' but not this.
Howard said Jon's hatred of Jason and what he does is really up there. He said Jon is massive and you can't miss him and he was in the hall yesterday. He said he was walking in front of him and he said ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' and Jon was so distressed that he said it. Howard said try it and you'll feel so bad over it. Robin she felt like that when they first started saying Baba Booey.
Howard said that doesn't bother him at all anymore. He said he does the ''Boff, Boff, Boff'' thing and he also brings up the ''Apple made a misstep with the iPad...'' thing. Howard said he'll do the pieces of vinyl stuff too.
Howard said Gary reminded him about this guy Rick Astley who was on the Wrap Up Show the other day and he did a special ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' song parody for them. Howard played the song which was to the tune of ''Never Gonna Give You Up.''
Howard played a clip of a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' to an NPR radio show. The caller asked a long question and then threw in the ''Hit 'em with the Hein.''
Howard asked what's up with NPR. He said they're all so mellow. Howard said he doesn't know any guy who talks like that. He said even when they laugh they laugh really mellow. Howard said he'd have a really hard time on NPR. Robin said he talks too loud. Howard said he'd have to tone it down a bit. Howard said you have to bond with the listeners. He doesn't have the patience to do that.
Howard said he has a clip from channel 7 ABC affiliate after a Mets loss. Howard played that and someone got in a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' right as they were going back to the studio.
Howard played another one from an NBC channel in Florida during hurricane coverage. In that one the reporter mentioned the name of a guy who called himself ''Hitem Hein.'' Howard said that one needed a set up. Howard read what JD wrote about the clip and it didn't make it any clearer. Howard asked why he didn't get in something better than that. JD said he doesn't know. Howard said JD is fucked up. He said he covers for him usually when he fucks up.
Howard asked why they're letting JD write descriptions of stuff. Howard said he's the most inarticulate one to write that stuff. JD said there is a process but whatever. Howard said that's the guy writing his stuff.
Howard asked if they edit JD's descriptions. JD said they do sometimes. Will came in and said he tries to edit them but they're a lost cause sometimes. Howard said Will should write the descriptions. He said they need to work on it. JD said it's just one. Howard said a lot of them are bad. Will said JD writes like he talks. JD said fuck you to Will. Howard wondered what JD's IQ is. JD said it's 106. Will said he's smart but he can't speak.
Jason said that JD's IQ was the second lowest on the staff. JD thanked him for that. Howard said he thinks he was traumatized. Howard said no one in America speaks like him.
Howard asked who the lowest IQ was on the staff. It was Sal. Howard said he's not sure what his IQ is but he wonders how Sal is happy with his IQ. Howard said he often wishes his was higher. Sal said IQs are bullshit. Robin said that's from the guy with the lowest on the staff. Howard wondered if a psychiatrist would think JD was traumatized. Will said he was named after a Whisky. JD said he was going to be named after Jack Daniels but his mom put a stop to that. Howard said anyone who shouldn't be named Jack Daniels it's JD.
Howard took a call from JD's English teacher who was mumbling his lines and stumbling over words and stuff like that. Howard asked why JD was going to be named after Jack Daniels. JD said his dad was a fan.
Ronnie came in and said that he wore the shirt just one day and that's the day he sent out those pictures. He said he didn't cut the sleeves off either. He said they were already cut off. Howard said he has no muscle to show off in them. Ronnie said he was by a swimming pool so what's the big deal. Howard said he should just wear a regular shirt. Howard said imagine all of that body hair in the pool. Ronnie said he doesn't have body hair. He said he has a man groomer now.
Ronnie said JD's drink of choice is Jack Daniels now. Will said his dad is a man's man and then there's JD. Howard said his dad must have thought he was going to have a manly son and then JD popped out. Robin said she won't have this conversation. Robin said it's terrible because it's probably JD's life.
Ronnie said he's glad they got off the shirt. He said he just wore it one day. Howard said he pictures him talking to him about the vacation and being in the shirt. Howard said Ronnie talked about how good the food was down there. Fred did his impression of Ronnie telling vacation stories. Howard said he'd love to see video of Ronnie snorkeling and things like that. Robin said he was on the ATV too. Howard said he'd like to see video of that too.
Howard said there were some hot chicks down there. Ronnie said there were some lesbians there and it was cool to watch. Fred did his impression of Ronnie talking about seeing a chick flicking her clit. Howard did his impression talking about the Bubba Army shirt. Howard said you know Ronnie was staring at the lesbians there. Ronnie said he was. He said he got in the pool to get closer to watch. He said Stephanie asked what was going on and he told her to check it out. Howard asked if he can swim. Ronnie said of course he can swim. He said he was a junior life guard.
Howard took a call from the lifeguard from the pool. The lifeguard said Ronnie cramped up in the pool because he had just eaten pussy. He was doing his impression of Ronnie as the lifeguard.
Howard said he can't get enough of Ronnie's vacation stories from Aruba. Howard said he tells him the stories and he loves it. Ronnie said he had a lot of seafood down there. Howard said he's back into the strip clubs too. He said he's hosting the 11th anniversary for Rick's Cabaret tomorrow night. Ronnie said it's been a while since he was there. He said he was actually there 2 weeks ago. He said they opened a new club. He said they have a sports bar next door. Howard said he's listed as ''Howard Stern Show character'' for the appearance. Ronnie said he didn't write that. Howard said maybe he shouldn't do these anymore. Howard said he goes out and does the tour and his name comes out and then he says it's not his fault. Howard said he isn't a character. Gary said the guys told him Ronnie wants to do a Stars of Satellite tour and Sal said no way. Howard said they have to stop with that. Ronnie said that's not what he said. Ronnie said he talked to Howard about it already. Howard said he doesn't want the Stars of Satellite Radio. Howard said he is the star, not Ronnie. Howard said he doesn't like that. Howard said half the fans will revolt.
Howard said it doesn't do him any good. He said he knows Ronnie wants to be a star. Ronnie asked him to calm down. Howard said he'll put him back in the limo to sit there during the show. Brent came in and Ronnie said he's not going to talk to this fuck ass. He said that he stirs up all kinds of shit like Stuttering John used to. Brent was going to say something but Ronnie said he's walking out. Howard told him to stay there. Brent said that Ronnie was calling Sal names for not wanting to go on tour. Ronnie said Brent doesn't know all of the details. Brent said Ronnie was calling Sal a cunt and he's thick headed.
Howard asked Ronnie why he has to do this. Ronnie said he's not talking about it. He wasn't speaking. Howard asked Brent what he heard. Ronnie said he was goofing around and Brent was eavesdropping. Brent said it's not like there was a wall there. It was a partition. Howard asked if Brent shouldn't report this to him. He said Brent tells him things. Ronnie said he should be reporting it to someone else. Howard said Ronnie should not be going to anyone about the stars of satellite radio. Ronnie said it's done. He said Brent is a cunt and walked out.
Howard asked Brent what he heard. Brent said Sal was saying no and he'd get thrown out of there if they do it again. He said Ronnie was saying that he could convince Howard to let them do it. He said it was bizarre to listen to. Howard asked if Brent can drive a limo. Brent said he's a horrible driver actually. Howard said he loves that Ronnie called him a cunt.
Howard said Ronnie is upset that he got called out on something he wasn't supposed to do. Howard said he has no defense. Brent said he's like the person who blames the media. Robin said she liked that Ronnie thought Brent shouldn't be telling Howard about this stuff.
Howard said Ronnie isn't going to be given an IQ test because they'll take away his driver's license. Brent said that Ronnie doesn't get it sometimes. Howard said sometimes he gets it completely but then this goes on. Howard said they have to get him back in there to hear his explanation.
Howard said Ronnie wants everyone to hear his arguments. He said he's yelling at Sal in the hall and he thinks Brent is eavesdropping. Howard said he has told Ronnie to just stand there and be quiet in the hall. He said he doesn't listen.
Ronnie came back in and said he asked this guy if he had heard what went on that morning when Howard killed the tour. He said he asked if it was really dead. Howard said of course it's done. Howard said Sal's not a cunt and Brent isn't a cunt. Ronnie said he is a cunt. Howard said Brent is a real man. Howard said he is his favorite guy. Howard said Brent tells him. Ronnie said he's a fucking rat and he should be blown up in front of the building like one of those blow up rats. Howard said that doesn't excuse his behavior. Ronnie said he knows why Brent is in New York now. He said Florida didn't want him anymore. Howard said Brent is the greatest guy and a war hero. Ronnie said he's going to wear a Bubba Army shirt to work just to rub it in his face. Brent asked why he'd have a problem with that. Brent said he still likes Bubba and still talks to him. He said there was a situation where they weren't able to talk but they're still friendly. Brent said he gets royalty checks from those shirts so he's fine with it.
Howard asked Ronnie if he hears him when he asks him to be stealth out in that hall. Howard said there's a guy who bothers him every day out there and Ronnie is like that guy. Howard said is there to work for him. He said he's supposed to be working and not yelling at Sal. Howard said he was yelling at Sal for like 20 minutes. Ronnie said now everything Brent says is true. Brent said he has witnesses. He said Chris Wilding can come in and Sal can come in too. Howard said he needs a driver to drive him around and not someone to go out as a star of satellite radio.
Howard said Sal was doing his work and Ronnie was bothering him. Ronnie said he was doing his work as he was talking to him.
Sal came in and said he doesn't think Ronnie did anything wrong. He said he told Ronnie they had to ask Howard about it and Ronnie called him a cunt. That's it. Howard asked why his security guy is going up to Sal asking him about personal business. Howard said if he's supposed to be working and Ronnie is bothering him with the side business that's not right. He should call him at home about that. Ronnie said he won't call Sal anymore. He said watch what you say around Brent. He said he's a rat. Howard said Ronnie can talk to Sal after work. He can call him. Sal said they had a lot of people making offers to have them make appearances. Howard said they want them to do more shit shows. Howard said he's glad Brent told him about this. He said Ronnie is trying to go behind his back with this. Ronnie said he never said that. Ronnie said he would try and get it done. He said it wasn't through Howard. Howard said those people are through him. Ronnie said he understands that and that's why he didn't bother him with it.
Howard said that show Man from UNCLE had that guy in it who was really cool. Howard asked Ronnie who the best action hero is. Ronnie said he likes Jason Statham. Howard said the guy never utters more than 3 words. Ronnie said he met him there in the hall. Howard asked him to be like Jason Statham. He asked why he can't fashion his life like him. Ronnie wasn't talking. Brent said the wheels are turning. Sal said he can hear the rust in there.
Howard said he has asked Ronnie to be quiet out in the hall. He said he's glad Brent told him about this. Howard thanked Sal for saying no too. He said that he can go out and do a show on his own if he wants to. He said Ronnie didn't do anything wrong. He said he just asked him if he wanted to do it and he said they have to ask Howard.
Ronnie said they'll see how loyal Brent will be to Howard. Howard asked if he's saying he betrayed Bubba. Ronnie said he's not saying anything. Ronnie said he's not saying he's not loyal. Brent said he's saying that he's not loyal by not saying anything. He said you leave the audience to come up with their own opinions. Brent said if he has something to say he'll say it to his face.
Gary said Brent took down the information in some notes a month ago. Howard read the note that he wrote a month ago about the 20 minutes Ronnie spent talking to Sal about it. He wrote that Ronnie called Sal a cunt and said he could get Howard to approve it ''point blank.'' He wrote that Sal was called thick headed and that if he didn't act like an idiot this time he'd be fine. Ronnie said Brent is right. Howard asked if he agrees with this report. Ronnie 100 percent. He said it's done now. Ronnie said he won't talk to Brent at all anymore. He said he doesn't have to worry about him talking to him. He said he hates rats like you don't even know. Brent said Howard isn't the cops. Howard said he's not a rat. Ronnie asked how that note isn't being a rat. Howard said he's out there yelling in the hall and it's not ratting if he's yelling.
Brent said he cares more about the Stern show than he does about the stars of satellite radio. Howard said he's not a rat for talking about that. Brent said that Howard said he was going to throw them out of there if he heard about another show like that. Ronnie said great, throw them out. Howard said if you see something, say something. Howard said he's Benedict Mund over there. Howard said he's plotting something. Ronnie said give Brent another medal over there.
Howard said Sal did the right thing. He said he should have told him about this. Ronnie said Sal isn't the rat. Sal said Ronnie didn't do anything wrong. Howard said yelling in the hall isn't right. Gary asked if Sal is afraid of Ronnie. Sal said he's not. He said he didn't want to sell him out. He said he was afraid of saying something that would backfire.
Howard said Ronnie was hired to tell him shit there too. Ronnie said he's not a rat. Howard said Brent isn't a rat either. Howard said they're all working together there. He said they're not separate. Howard said Ronnie tweeted something about how he and Fred are the only two real men on the show. Ronnie said someone tweeted that and he liked it. Brent said that's like endorsing it. Ronnie said that's fine. Robin said she can't believe this.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks and Ronnie said he's out of there. King asked Ronnie about wearing the Bubba t-shirt just once. He said something but his phone cut out. Howard said he has to ban him from the show because his phone sucks. Howard said he told him to call in on a land line. King said they don't even sell them anymore. Howard said Ronnie had the Bubba shirt on hoping someone would recognize him. Ronnie said what's the point of having a shirt if you're not going to wear it.
Howard said he wore a Keith Richards shirt yesterday because it's cool and he wants to be noticed. He said Ronnie wore the shirt to be noticed down there in Aruba. Howard said Ronnie wanted to be noticed. Ronnie said he wore a Kevin Harvick shirt too. He asked if that was for the same reason. Howard said of course it is.
King said he thinks Brent ratted Ronnie out. Howard said it's not ratting out. Howard said he asked him to be quiet in the hallway and he's not doing that. Howard asked Ronnie what happens out there. He asked if he just has to talk. Ronnie said he did it before 7. Howard said work is going on there before 7. Howard asked if Ronnie can contain himself there. Ronnie said okay.
Ronnie said he's waiting for Howard outside his house before he's even out of bed. He said he's working really early. He said he tweets before he drives Howard. Howard asked if that's the same thing as wanting to talk in the hall. Howard said Ronnie wants to be noticed. Ronnie said he wants to be a star badly. He asked him to put him on the air more. He asked him to please let him do more shows too. He said he's a fucking star. Howard said he doesn't want him in strip clubs mentioning his name either. Ronnie said he's not doing that. He said he can't even do an appearance. Howard said they have to work on a way to make him more famous. Howard said maybe he's holding him back. Ronnie told him to just tell him to leave. Howard said he can move to L.A. and be a real movie star. Ronnie said he's too old for that shit.
Howard said he thinks he's had enough of this. Robin asked how Howard is going to get home. Howard said he's not sure. Robin asked if Ronnie drives really fast when he's angry. Howard said he does. Ronnie told Brent not to get in his way today.
Howard said the first time Ronnie picked him up to go to Hartford he had Playboy Bunny mud flaps and glasses in the car. Howard said he had to tell Ronnie that wasn't cool to have. Howard said he needs to know where he got that stuff. Ronnie said they sold it in an auto store. Howard asked who put it all on for him. Ronnie said he did it himself. He said it's easy to do. Howard said imagine him in the store asking for everything that has tits. Sal did his Ronnie voice and said don't throw that shit out, give it to me! Robin said imagine coming into the city and you get in that car with Playboy stuff all over the place. Howard said Ronnie used to work for the Today show and he picked up Henry Kissinger in that car. Ronnie said it was gone already when he did that.
Howard asked why he had Playboy stuff. Ronnie said maybe he thought he'd get laid. He said ask Brent because he seems to know everything.
Howard said he had to have a talk with Ronnie over that stuff. He did his Ronnie impression and had him talking about having a Sybian attachment in the car. Howard asked if he thought it would enhance the car. Ronnie said he doesn't remember. He said no one ever complained about it though. Robin said there was no one to call since it was his company. Robin said you call the boss and it was Ronnie. Howard said Ronnie wasn't the boss. He said Hugh Hefner was the boss.
Howard said enough with the stars of satellite. Ronnie said okay to that. Howard said it's enough. Howard asked if he wants to hear it from someone else too. Ronnie said he wants to hear it from Brent too. Brent said it's enough. Howard thanked the guys for understanding his point of view. He told Ronnie to apologize to Brent. Ronnie said no way mother fucker. Howard asked Brent to give him daily updates on Ronnie. Ronnie said he has notes on everyone there. Brent said he's not being a rat by taking notes. Ronnie said he's very loyal. Brent told him to go ahead and tell him what he really feels. Ronnie said he means that.
Howard said they have a big ass book on Ronnie. Howard asked who flies under the radar there. Ronnie said Brent does. Howard said that's because he's busy doing his work. He said Ronnie should be seen and not heard. Brent said not even seen. Howard said he should have Flat Ronnie diving him. He said Ronnie should be Steve Nowicki. He said you never hear from that guy. Howard said he comes in and you never hear from him. Howard said that guy is good. He said he never sees that guy. Howard said he asked Brent for the book on that guy and the book just said ''Good guy.'' Howard said Ronnie is busy yelling out in the hall. Howard said Brent has a dossier on Ronnie but nothing on Steve Nowicki.
Howard said people think this will ruin Ronnie but it won't at all. He said he won't stop doing this stuff. He said he he'll still be out there yelling out cunt. Howard asked how he can forget that Ronnie works there. He said he wants to think he quit working there like Steve Nowicki. Howard said he had to hire Brent an assistant just to carry around the notebooks he has on Ronnie.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie yelling at JD to say ''cunt'' at the Stars of Satellite Radio show. Howard said what a show. Brent said he claimed he didn't do that. Ronnie said he wasn't here. He said he doesn't know why he's explaining himself to the bald headed guy there. Howard did his impression of Ronnie and goofed on him about the cost of the show.
Howard asked what he's going to do. Ronnie told him to just fire him. Howard asked if he can say one good thing about Brent. Ronnie said nope. He said not anymore. Brent said Ronnie does a good job. He said he's there every day. Howard asked if Ronnie has anything nice to say. Ronnie said he's the worst kind of rat there is. Howard asked if he was a good producer for the Bubba Army. Ronnie said no because he's not there anymore.
Howard said Ronnie loves Brent. Ronnie said he loves him like poison. Howard asked if he was good at shocking the puss. Ronnie said Bubba did that. Brent said he had the idea to have people sing and then shock them. He said Bubba took it to another level. Howard said Brent came up with the shock collar thing. Ronnie said he doesn't know about that.
Howard said this is like Sad Ronnie now. Fred did his impression of Ronnie calling Brent a bald cunt. Howard asked if he really called him that. Ronnie said he can't remember.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie should take the Richard Gere role in the new Pretty Woman movie. Howard said he should. They did their impressions of Ronnie talking about sex stuff and cumming on women. Ronnie said Fred isn't allowed to use his lines anymore. He said he's a star. The caller said he remembers his lines because they're all over his face.
Howard said Bubba is on the phone. Howard took the call but it was Sour Shoes and Howard said he doesn't have time for that right now. He hung up on Sour.
Howard said he's going to call Ronnie Jason Statham now. He said he should be like him. Ronnie said he met him out there. He said he walked right by him and Jason grabbed him and said he's a big fan. Brent said the other day Ronnie was reading his fan mail to him. Ronnie said he overheard him talking. He said he sent something nice to the fans who wrote to him. He said he was over his shoulder reading it. They spent a minute talking about the letter he got and what Ronnie wrote back. Sal was goofing on him saying he wrote some really dirty stuff back.
Howard said he's glad he doesn't see half the stuff that goes on there. Brent mentioned that Ronnie took a picture with a guy there in the lobby. Howard said he should turn it down when someone asks for a picture. Ronnie said he was going downstairs to get passes. Howard said he should have said no. Ronnie said Sal took one with the guy too. Sal said Gary did too. Howard said they should all say no.
Howard said he asked Jimmy Fallon if his driver has fans. He said Jimmy looked at him like he was nuts. Howard said it's crazy. Howard said his driver doesn't retweets ever. Howard said someone told him that Ronnie autographed a picture for a barber. Ronnie said the guy asked for it. Howard said it says ''Fuck the barber.'' He said it doesn't even make sense. Ronnie said that's what the guy wanted him to write. Howard asked why he would want that up there. Ronnie said he doesn't care.
Howard told Ronnie and the guys to go out and just do their jobs. Howard let them go, did some live commercial reads and went to break a short time later.
Howard asked if he likes Trump's hair. Benjy said he does. Benjy took off his cap and showed his hair. Howard said he's lost a lot. Benjy said he hasn't grown it out. Gary said there's a big bald spot on the back. Benjy said he thinks he looks good when he grows it out.
Howard said he looks greasy this morning. He asked if he showered. Benjy said he didn't use shampoo today. He said he didn't have time to change his underwear this morning. He said he grabbed a pair just in case he has to show it today. Howard asked why he didn't have time to change it. Benjy said he was in a rush. Howard asked if he has shit in his pants. Benjy said no. Howard asked to see his underwear. Benjy had the clean pair. Howard said he wants to see the dirty underwear. Benjy said no way. Robin said if he was in such a rush why did he do that. He said he did shower and clean his ass.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who asked what happened to Slayman. Howard asked why he sounds so bad. Howard asked him to pick up the phone. Jeff picked it up and Howard said he knew he was doing something.
Jeff asked what was going on with the kid from Kuwait earlier. Howard said he doesn't know, that was like 7 hours ago. Jeff said he was talking about his coughing. Howard said he got a note about Jeff and they said he's so far gone. Howard said he has to find it real quick. Howard said he'll ignore it anyway. Howard said he has to find it. Howard found the note and the person is a respiratory therapist. Howard said the person wrote that for him to cough so long doesn't bode well for him and he could have COPD or something else. The person said he's not long for this world.
Robin said she doesn't think there's any reversing it. Howard didn't think so either. He said why bother. Howard played the clip of Jeff coughing and said you have to see his face while he's doing it. Howard said try to eat breakfast during this clip. Howard said it's the most entertaining thing he does. Howard said it's great for a 16 year old kid in Kuwait.
Howard let Jeff go and played a clip of Tan Mom talking to fake President Obama. Howard said she's always in the middle of something when they call her. Tan Mom went off on Obama saying he's done absolutely nothing as president. She said she doesn't care what color he is but no one needs to come into this country. Obama eventually got her to talk dirty to him. She had to go do something so Obama let her go. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard said that they have odds on Clinton saying Billy Bush or not. Howard had Will come in to talk about how the odds work. Howard said he thinks Trump will say Bill Clinton. He said he thinks he'll say Crooked Hillary too. Howard said if he were Trump he'd bet on all of this stuff and win a ton of money.
Howard said they have bets on what color Hillary will wear. Howard said they even have odds on which network will have the best ratings. Howard asked how many times Trump will say ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Robin said that won't happen. Howard did a live commercial read and took another break.
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Howard said it's time for news. They played her into her news with a song parody. Robin asked if Howard puts his tomatoes in the refrigerator or not. Howard said he does. He said his mom made him neurotic about that. Robin said they say you should keep them out. Robin said it changes the DNA so they should be kept out. Howard said he will do that then. Robin said it increases the flavor too. Robin said she kept them in the refrigerator too.
Howard said his mom had so many rules. He said she had so many rules for chicken and things like that. Howard said he went to someone's house once and they left the food out for 10 minutes and it drove him nuts. Howard said his mother would yell at him to put the milk away right away and not leave it out for any amount of time. Robin asked if he has a problem with buffets. Howard said he does now. Howard said his mom calls them ''Boo-fay.''
Robin read about how the Smithsonian has started a Kickstarter to save the ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz. Howard said he can't imagine doing that. He said it's such a waste of time going to see something like that. He said he would spend his day learning something instead of going to look at slippers. Robin asked about going to see Anne Frank's house and Auschwitz. Howard said he doesn't want to go see any of that. He had to think about that for a minute but he decided it's not something to go see. Gary said they want $300,000 to restore the slippers so he's wondering why it's that much. Robin said it's something they want to restore to original condition and they want to keep it in a climate controlled space. Howard said if they went away it wouldn't be a big deal. Howard said his friend owns the original Jackie Gleason Honeymooner's outfit. He said that's kind of cool. He said he's not sure if it's worth saving though. Robin said she got overwhelmed seeing Darth Vader's costume at the Lucas ranch. Howard said he started saving his stuff but it's absolute garbage. Howard said he has stuff no one would want. Howard said he's going to throw it all out or put it in Bobo's house.
Robin read a story about Pam Anderson going to see Julian Asange at the Ecuadorian embassy. Robin said Pam thinks he's a good guy. Robin said Pam says he thought she was trying to make him sick by bringing him a vegan meal. Howard asked why she thinks he's a good guy. Robin said she's not sure about that. Howard said they finally have something to talk to her about.
Howard said he forgot to mention that they have video of Green Day's live performances there up on HowardStern.com. Howard said it's fun to watch. He said he loves it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the rock and roll hall of fame and how they take votes through their web site. She wondered if that's what Gary and Jon's votes are. Howard said it's probably a worthless vote.
Robin said Tesla is expected to release a new product today. Robin asked if Howard has ever been in one. Howard said he knows nothing about cars. He said he has seen one plugged in and laughed about it but that's it. Howard read that Jon Hein is going to vote for Journey to be in the hall of fame. Howard asked why he would get a vote to waste. Jon said he is voting for Pearl Jam. Howard said his favorite band is Rush. Howard asked if he thinks Rush is better than the Stones. Jon said no. He said they're in his top 5. Jon said that he's voting for Yes and ELO. Jon said there are only two bands that have had more albums sold. Jon talked about Journey and the hits they've had. Howard said he doesn't care. He said his vote doesn't count anyway.
Howard asked Jon if he didn't like that he said ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' the other day. Jon said it was a little awkward. Howard said Robin has to try it. He played a song parody about ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard said that was Psych with that song.
Robin asked if a desktop computer means anything to him. Howard said he uses one. Howard said he has a nice bit computer. Robin said she barely uses her laptop. Robin said Apple has some new Macs coming out later this month. Howard said he got his new iPhone. He said it's thin but it doesn't do anything new. He said Siri isn't even working. Howard said it used to answer when he said ''Hey Siri.'' Robin read more about the computers Apple is bringing out and what people think they'll have. Howard said he doesn't care about that stuff. Howard asked if they have anything cool coming out with the desktop. Robin said you won't have to use a password to get into your computer. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin asked Howard what he uses his desktop for. Howard said he likes the big screen and he does editing of his photos on there. Robin asked if he knows about the PCs that have the screen you can write on. Howard said he has that on his iPad. Howard said he can write to the staff on his iPad. Howard said he's not into drawing on computers. He said he only draws on paper.
Robin said tonight is the last debate before the election. Robin said that there will be a bunch of special guests in the audience tonight including Obama's brother who is saying he's voting for Trump. Robin said it's silly to bring Obama's brother. Robin said Hillary has some special guests coming too. Howard said she should bring Billy Bush. Robin said she thinks he's in hiding. Howard said he thought Anthony Weiner was in hiding but Beth was out the other day and she saw him ride by on a scooter. Howard said he's acting like nothing is wrong. Howard said he should drive that Oscar Meyer Weinermobile around.
Howard had a phony phone call Richard made to a psychic radio show where he claims he's being chased around by creepy clowns. He played music and Jackie the Joke Man sounds as he was being chased. Richard asked how to get rid of them. They told him to just call the cops. The host said that she takes it very seriously. They said it was a weird call though. Howard said they just hung up on him in the middle of it. Howard said they hit him with silly string but no pie.
Robin read a story about a study that says people are being stressed by this election. Howard said it is stressful. He said he may not watch the debate because he's so stressed over it. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the study. Howard said that guy Ken Bone is saying he's still undecided. Howard said he and his kids watched the debate together and he saw that guy stand up and started to say something but he held back. Howard said he was thinking ''Oh, Wack Pack.'' Howard said he looked like a chunky Mr. Whipple. Howard said the media were saying how cute he was in his red sweater. Howard said he's the kid you pick on in school. Howard said they're goofing on the guy. Howard said don't enjoy it because they're goofing on him.
Robin read a story about how Trump is saying that voter fraud is a real threat. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about that. Howard said he thinks he's just saying that because he wants an excuse just in case he doesn't win. Howard said the media has been very good to him. He said he's gotten a lot of free advertising. Robin said Obama is saying that he should work on his policies instead of worrying about that. Robin had audio of Obama said he's whining before the fight is even over.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she watched Green Day and it was amazing. She said it's so crystal clear and amazing. She said she's on there two or three times a day looking at stuff. Howard asked if there's anything he's done that's not amazing. Mariann said absolutely not. Howard said he loves her. Mariann said he looks fabulous on Instagram too. Howard asked if there's a day he doesn't look good. Mariann said no he always looks good. She said he's handsome and he has to stop knocking himself.
Howard had to hang up on Mariann. Howard said he has a big bathroom and they have the 4 day old kittens in here with the mom. Howard said he had Beth take the camera and put it on Ralph who was there. Howard said they posted it and there were so many negative comments about Ralph that she started deleting them. Howard said Ralph loves it though so he told her not to do that. Mariann said the kittens are as big as his hand. She said he should tell Robin about that. Howard said he told Robin about that already. He hung up on Mariann.
Howard said people were shocked when they saw Ralph on Instagram. Howard said he threw a monkey wrench into that whole thing the other day. Howard said he's touching himself again. He said he's rubbing himself. Howard asked if anyone else does that. Benjy said he's doing it because Howard mentioned it. Howard got out of that conversation pretty quickly.
Robin read about a filmmaker who is releasing video of what he thinks is corruption in Hillary's campaign. Robin said he has video of some activists talking about planting agitators at Trump rallies. Robin had some audio of that. Robin said some people have left their positions over that.
Robin read a story about some protestors in Chicago at one of Trump's buildings. Robin had some audio of the people changing about how he has to go.
Robin read a story about a woman who accused Trump of sexual misconduct and how she has brought some witnesses forward to back up her story. Howard said Psych made a Trump pussy grabber song parody. He played that song which was to the tune of ''Maneater.''
Robin read a story about Larry Flynt is offering a reward for any tape of Trump that could be used against him. Howard said he didn't know Larry was still around.
Robin said the President is trying to wrap up being President so he had his last State Dinner last night. Robin said he was hosting the prime minister of Italy. Robin had some audio from the event.
Robin read a story about the civil liberties union suing the town of Flint, Michigan because of their treatment of children based on the water quality there.
Robin read about how an astronaut and some cosmonauts are heading to the international space station. Robin had some audio of part of the launch.
Robin read a story about someone predicting that Clinton will win the election based on the alignment of the stars. Howard said all the had to do was read the paper.
Robin read about a study that found that red wine, chocolate and other things with nitrates in them could be causing migraines.
Robin read about how Leonardo DiCaprio is working with investigators over a case investigating the funding of The Wolf of Wall Street. Howard said he wouldn't know anything about that. Robin said he just wants people to know he's cooperating completely.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
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Here's what they replayed today on Howard 100:
Today's show was over around 11:20am.
Here's what they replayed on Howard 100 this morning:
Today's show was over around 11:15am.