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Playboy Cyber Club
Adult Film Movie Discussions. 07/23/07. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: Roger Alan Wade ''Butt Ugly Slut'' song, an Earthquake comedy routine about Kobe Bryant, Dido performing ''Thank You'' live in Howard's studio.
Howard started off the show talking about how he beat off to Carmen Luvana last night. Robin wondered why he was talking like that. Howard said that he just figured that they'd like to know. He said he thought that he'd tell everyone just in case Carmen is listening herself. Artie asked who she is. Howard said she was on the show and he was going through his stash of porno and found that one to watch.
Robin said that she was reading about this creepy lawyer guy who had set up this peep hole camera to check out some female public defenders he worked with. Howard said that when you say ''creepy lawyer, that's being kind of redundant. She said that they found he had a bunch of porn videos in his house. Howard said guys who save their porno and catalog them are really creepy.
Howard wondered what's creepier. A guy who has a Real Doll or one who saves his porno. Everyone agreed that it was the Real Doll. He said that a guy who keeps every Playboy in plastic is really weird. Richard Christy came in a short time later and told the guys about how he has a storage place there in the city and he's got boxes full of Playboys in there. He's got every issue of the lingerie editions since 1994. He said some of them are worth some money on eBay. Howard made fun of him by comparing him to the Star Wars guys they've interviewed recently. He mentioned the Darth Nihilus guy and the Gamorrean guard doing impressions of them.
Howard said he feels that his creepy factor is down compared to some guys. He gets his from work and doesn't keep them all. Artie said that he's only had 3 pornos and they're all on VHS tape. He said he keeps them for a long time and doesn't get rid of them. Howard told Gary to give Artie a bag of 10 pornos whether he wants them or not. Artie said he knows the porno movies he has as well as he knows the Godfather movie. Howard kept telling Gary to give Artie those tapes because he knows that Artie won't take them unless they force him to.
Artie talked about some of the movies he has and how he can recite the lines from them. He's got one that Jenna Jameson is in and how the guys in the movie are all doing really bad accents in it. He described the scene and how Jenna was on this Roman pillar thing and these guys are doing really bad accents. He explained how bad the movie was and how this other chick comes and tries to pick her up. They eventually have this 8 minute fuck session. He said that it's edited really poorly and they cut to other scenes. Then Jenna hooks up with a guy and starts doing the guy. Then the other chick is there doing guys too. He said he thinks the movie was called ''Maiden Sarah.'' Artie said that he's had that movie for at least a dozen years.
Howard said that Carmen Luvana has been on the show a couple of times and Benjy once had his toe inside of her. He went on to say that the movie is called ''Panty Drawer'' and all of the chicks in the movie are hot. He said that some of the movies that Gary has in his office are really bizarre looking and they should be thrown out.
Howard To Bring Back The Hitler Moustache? 07/23/07. 6:15am
Howard said he was shaving yesterday and as a goof he shaved to give himself a Hitler moustache and he started to wonder if he invented it or if he stole the idea. He wondered if some day that moustache will come back into style. They talked about Charlie Chaplain and how he had that kind of moustache. The guys were curious about if that was where Hitler stole it from or if Chaplain stole it from Hitler.
Howard said he wondered if he should grow out that Hitler moustache and show up on Letterman to tell him he's growing it to try and bring it back into style. Richard said that moustache would have to be on the nicest person in the world to bring it back into style. The guys also brought up the Osama bin Laden beard and how he may have stolen that from the ZZ Top guys.
Howard said the next time he does Letterman he may just do this and tell him he's bringing back the moustache. He figured that it must have been big over in Germany back before Hitler was taken out. He wondered if that would be more offensive than the N-word to black people.
Fred told Howard that he was reading that Hitler had to shave his moustache to fit his gas mask that he had to wear back in those days so that's the only reason he shaved it to look like that. Richard said he likes those guys who grow really long moustaches and curl them at the ends. He saw a guy out the other night like that and figured he was really old school.
The guys talked about Hitler and some history about him. Howard wondered if he would have been as successful without that moustache. Robin said it may have all gone hand in hand. They said he must have taken his hair style from Moe from the Three Stooges and his moustache from Charlie Chaplain. Howard said he could hear Dave asking him about his moustache and he'd have to tell him that he'd like it to be called the Howard moustache instead of a Hitler moustache.
Howard said he once asked Mark Chernoff to grow a Hitler moustache back when he was on K-Rock. He said it takes a lot of balls to walk around with a moustache like that. Howard said that John Stamos could pull it off and get laid with that moustache. He said he's sure he could get laid like that but Robin said that would mess up his look. Artie thinks that Johnny Depp could pull it off too.
Artie said that Tom Cruise is making a new movie about the Nazis and he saw him in one of those uniforms and he really fit the part. Howard said that Tom is a good actor and people tend to forget that based on his wacky behavior.
Artie's Date Discussed. 07/23/07. 6:25am
Howard got back to the Carmen Luvana porno and told the guys about what was going on in this scene he was watching. He said one guy was jerking off in the club everyone was in and they had a close up of his nasty looking cock. He said that didn't last too long so they moved on and by the time the girls got up on stage in this strip club, he was done jerking off. He said that's how hot the chicks were. He said it'll probably take him a year to get through that movie at the rate he goes through them.
Howard said Beth was out last night so he figured he'd run off a batch to make himself tired. He said it was after 8 o'clock last night when he decided to watch it. He figured he'd just do it while he was sitting at his desk instead of waiting for his TV screen to drop down and all of that.
Artie said that he went out on a date with a chick on Saturday and had to beat off after because he didn't get laid. He said that he went out with some of the guys from the show to celebrate Jason's engagement. He said Richard was out shooting pool and getting really drunk. He said this chick he was going out with didn't get off from work until 11 that night. He said he realized that he does have a type like the guys on the show say, she's a bartender at a club in Jersey.
Artie said that a bunch of the guys from SIRIUS were there at the bar where the guys were celebrating. He said that JD was just sitting there moping while everyone else was celebrating. He said that there were chicks there. He said that JD doesn't invite anyone to talk to him and no chick is going to go up to him and start a conversation. Howard called JD in there to get him in this conversation.
JD came in so Howard told him to get some confidence and just talk to some chicks. JD said he didn't think that any of the chicks that were there were all that attractive. He said he was just talking to people he knew. Artie said that he's taking JD out to Vegas this weekend and he's going to get him laid. He's got a whole floor of rooms out there at the hotel he's staying at and if he has to, he's going to pay for some chicks. Howard asked JD if he's paid for any whores yet. JD said he doesn't think he has.
Artie said that he's going to get JD some hot chick to bang him out there. JD told Howard that he doesn't talk to anyone he doesn't know so that's why he doesn't meet new chicks. Artie said that they're going to be at this club out there and the chicks are going to be unreal. He said they're going to hang out at the pool all day Friday and there will be chicks all over the place. He said they can do that all day Friday and all day Saturday. Howard figures they'll come back on Monday and hear how JD just sat there doing nothing.
Howard brought up JD's trip to Jamaica where he almost drowned in 3 feet of water. Howard asked JD if he's ever beat off to Carmen Luvana. JD said ''of course...'' Howard got back to his jerking off story and told the guys he was in his chair naked and beating off to the Carmen Luvana movie. He was in the middle of it when he thought about watching more of it even after he finished. Then, in the middle of his orgasm, he realized how disgusting it is and how disgusted he was with himself. He knows that he has to save it for next time though because he knows he'll want to see more of it when he needs to beat off again.
Artie got back to his story about his date. He said he saw Richard playing darts when he was leaving the bar the guys were at. He was getting drunk all night and throwing darts around. Howard wondered why they'd have a dart board at a bar where people get drunk. He said that he wants to open a bar where they have a firing range. Richard said the dart board was in a really high traffic area too and people had to duck under it when people were throwing darts.
Artie asked Richard if he got wasted that day. Richard said he wasn't that bad. He had about 7 or 8 beers and a few shots of tequila. Artie said that Richard's girlfriend is really good looking and he was talking to her about the trip they're going on where they're going to be staying in haunted houses and stuff.
Richard got back to the dart board thing and said that they do make plastic ones that stick in a board that has holes in it. The guys said that's all gay though. They don't want to play darts like that.
Artie said that he told this chick he was going on the date with to meet him at this diner they agreed on. He said that they met at this place and ordered up some Disco Fries (fries with cheese and gravy) and some pancakes. He said he ate most of it after she ate like one bite of the pancakes and one of the fries.
Artie said that he was sitting there at the diner and this guy in a dirty hat and shirt was staring at him. He said it turns out the guy works with her and he anted to meet him. Artie said that he hoped that it wasn't her boyfriend or something. Howard said that's really a creepy thing to do but she must have been really hot to have recovered from that kind of awful thing.
Howard said that this guy's name is Luis so he wanted to get that out of the way. He said he wanted to get that over with so the guy came over and pulled out his Beer League and It's the Whisky Talkin DVDs to get signed. He said he was really happy to have met him and gave the chick a hug.
Robin said that it was very odd because the chick had to have told the guy that she was going on a date with Artie days before. Artie told her that it was okay with him and asked her not to do it again. He said it was a really weird move to make but he doesn't really care because he's not expecting a long term relationship. He said that he didn't get laid the first night so he wants to go on a second date.
Artie said that he kissed the chicks when he drove her home. He didn't get laid but he did some kissing when he dropped her off at home, which is her parent's house. He said that she didn't have a car with her at the diner so Luis must have driven her there to the diner. Artie said he'll probably call the chick today. He said that she was wearing these skin tight bartender pants and they were really hot to him. He said that all hot bartender chicks wear them.
Howard's Annoying Dinner. 07/23/07. 6:45am
Howard told the guys he went out to dinner with Ross and they went to this restaurant that this guy is always asking him to go to. He said that the owner sat down at the table but spent about 20 minutes there. He said that he and Ross were trying to have a conversation and this guy was sitting with him. He said that the guy was telling his life story to him and he kind of didn't give a shit. He said that the guy was a nice guy and he didn't want to be rude so he let him stay there.
Then at the end of the conversation the owner asked him to talk to his partner who was in the hospital. Howard said he did that but he was just being nice. He said this guy had been begging him to come down there and then he pulls this stuff. He said he loved the food and he's eaten there before but it's retarded to do stuff like that.
Howard said that the whole thing there is not to bother guests there but the owner thinks that it's okay for him to bother them. He said that the guy was really nice and picked up the tab but he wasn't looking for that. Artie said that he's been in situations like that himself and he has people putting him on the phone with people who hardly even know who he is.
Howard said there was this other guy there who wanted to shake his hand when he was eating. He refused to do that but then the guy had his face really close and he was kind of drunk. He said he kept the conversation going and kept his face way too close. Ross asked him to back off a little bit. Then the guy freaked out and couldn't believe he didn't want to make this deal with him that he was asking about. Howard said it's crazy out there.
Howard said he does say hi to some fans and will shake a hand here or there but some of this stuff can get annoying. Robin told a story about how she had a guy tell her how nice her car was one time and then followed her home. She said that he knew that it was creepy that he had followed her but he just wanted to know if she was really Robin. She was ready to run into her house to call the cops.
Artie mentioned that he got one of these new iPhone things. He said that the people at Rescue Me sent him one as a gift and he thinks it looks really cool. Howard had some stuff to say about that phone but he had to take a break first.
An Update On Sal's Shaky Marriage. 06/13/07. 7:00am
After the break Howard was listening to a clip where Donald Trump was complaining about Rosie O'Donnell and started to say that she had grabbed her cock but cut himself off and said ''crotch.'' That led to Howard playing another clip where Sheppard Smith says ''the cock keeps ticking'' during his show yesterday. He played that and then moved on to Lisa G.
Lisa came in and said that she can't wait for Dr. Keith to come in this morning. She said he should go around the room and figure all of them out. Howard said that Sal must be having some real issues with his wife because he refused to bring his wife in today. Sal came in and said that they almost got divorced last month and now they're going to counseling and things are getting better. He said that they had ''veered apart'' and a lot of shit went down and things got really heavy.
Sal said he got a mystery call from someone and thought that she was cheating. He said that she had developed an emotional relationship with another person but she claims that she didn't do anything physical. Artie said that the guy probably wants to fuck her even if she's not doing anything. Sal said he's known this guy for a long time and she used to work with the guy. Sal said he took his wife for granted and that's what he's learned in therapy. He said that she's still not blowing him but they are getting along.
Sal said that they were driving to therapy one day and he told her that his problem is that he wants her to blow him and he can't get that. He said that he's been trying to give her emotional support and that's apparently what she needs according to the therapist. That led to the guys goofing on Sal for sitting and listening to his wife's problems. Sal said that he has a hard time pulling that stuff off, listening to his wife and all. He said that he'd come home from work and his wife would ask him what he did. He didn't want to talk about it so he'd just say ''nothing'' and try to avoid it. Artie said that not getting sex is a major thing in a relationship so he can understand him being upset.
Howard asked Sal if his wife is blowing him now. Sal said ''not yet'' so Howard said that a chick wants you to act like you did when you first started dating them. Sal said that it's tough because she won't give him oral but she could go right out and blow another guy if she felt like it. He's there to support her and she won't blow him. Sal said his wife was saying she won't give him sex because he hasn't earned his reward yet.
Gary came in and said that Sal told him that his therapist told him it might take two years to get them back on track. He said he told Sal to find a different therapist. Howard asked him if it's a guy or a woman. Sal said he found an ''old Jew broad.'' He said that they have started to have sex lately but he's still not getting blown. Howard told him that he should have come in with Dr. Keith Ablow, that would have been great. Howard said he thinks that he and Beth are going to be boring but the other guys don't think that's the case.
Fred said that he was reading a list of the things that couples fight about most and Sal probably has all of them on his list. Howard and Beth don't have many, if any of them on their list. He said the things were Money, Sex, Work, Children and Housework. Howard and Beth don't have to worry about any of that stuff. The guys spent a few minutes talking about all of that stuff and got back to Sal and his wife. Howard asked Sal why he buys that his wife didn't go out and cheat on him. He said he'd demand that he get the blow job immediately. Sal said that all he wanted was to get his wife back no matter what happened. He said that he just wanted what he had when he first met her. He said he really loves her and he just wanted that stuff back.
Howard asked Sal about this other guy that his wife had been communicating with. He said that she was on the phone and emailing this guy a lot. He said on Mother's day he presented her with all of the stuff he had collected. Sal said that she had said that she loved the guy in an e-mail so he asked her about that. She said that she loved him as a friend, that's it. Howard said that the guy isn't the problem though, she's the one who is acting on it. Sal said that they've led him to believe that he was the one pushing his wife away so whatever happened in that relationship is in the past and he doesn't care.
Gary said that the guys back there are saying that it seems like Sal has been brainwashed into thinking that whatever she did was his fault. Artie said that's the way it seems to him. Robin told Sal that she's proud of him for going through this stuff which didn't seem to be the same thing Artie and Howard were saying to him.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that whatever he's learning now can only help him, even if he ends up getting divorced. He also said that the most interesting thing is that he brought up all of this stuff on Mother's Day. He said that he could have done it on any other day of the year. Sal said he was going to do it on that Saturday but his son had his communion. He said that he waited until that night after the kids were asleep.
Sal said that he's such a mess right now that he hasn't even been masturbating lately. He isn't visiting the booths or anything like that right now. Howard said that Sal probably has a clit down below now because he's been emasculated. Dominic asked how many therapists they have. They have just the one right now but Sal said that his wife is like another one. Dominic told him to get a therapist of his own to talk to because this single therapist is hearing stuff from both of them.
Sal said that this therapist costs him $135 per hour so he just sits there and listens to the two women babbling. King of All Blacks called in and said that it seems like Sal's wife just doesn't like him anymore. He said that this therapy shit is something he doesn't believe in. He seemed to think that she just doesn't like him and they should move on. Another caller said that his wife ended up having a one night stand with a mutual friend of theirs but they're still together. He said that he was being a total dick to his wife and now he realizes that. The guy said the guy was a friend of his so it was really hard to go back to having sex with his wife. He said there was no emotional tie to that guy though.
Sal said that it was just weird laying there next to his wife knowing all of this stuff. Howard asked him if the guy visited his house while he was at work. Sal said no to that but he didn't sound so sure about that. Gary told Howard that Sal went through and found all of this stuff that his wife was doing an found this code ''143'' in the email and discovered that it's a code for ''I Love You.'' The 1 is for I, the 4 is for the four letters in Love and the 3 is the 3 letters in You. He said that's how he found out about that and confronted her on it. She said that it's just a friendly kind of love and she's not in love with him.
Sal said that she still sees this guy at work so that's another issue they have in therapy. He said that he told his wife to end the relationship and she did that but then she thought that the guy was going to kill himself so she didn't know what to do.
A phone caller told Howard that he did something similar to what Sal's wife did. He said that it was probably more than an emotional affair. Sal said he doesn't care about that, he knows what he did was wrong not paying more attention to his wife so he just wants to move on. Robin said that Sal is impressing her more than she ever thought he could. Sal went on to say that the therapist told him to let his wife go ahead and say goodbye to this guy the way she really wants to. Sal said he's trying to do the right thing but he didn't want to let her do that. The caller said that his wife should have just told him what he was doing wrong instead of doing what she did.
Sal said that he loves his wife dearly and he's doing what he can to get things back to where they were. He said that he thinks that they're really bonding at this point and he doesn't want to screw it up. Howard said he kind of knew about this but didn't want to talk to Sal about it off the air personally. Robin said she did notice that Sal hadn't been on the air much lately. Gary said that Sal was really rocked when all of this went down and he actually wanted to take him and hug him when it all went down.
Gary asked Sal if he told his wife he was going to talk about this on the air. He hadn't so Gary wondered if there were going to be issues. Sal wasn't sure but he didn't seem to think there were going to be any problems. Howard told him to ask her if she would come on with Dr. Keith Ablow later this morning. Sal made the call and his wife said she didn't want to do it on the air. Sal tried to ask her if she wanted to talk to Howard now. Sal told her to go back to sleep a short time later. Sal said that she might be interested another day, but not today.
The guys noticed that Sal had a twitch going on while he was talking to her. Sal said that women can have that effect on guys sometimes. Howard told Sal that he seems to be taking the high road and being smart about it. He had to hand it to him for doing that. Sal said he knows he was no angel but he wants to make this work so he's trying to do that. He said he'll never understand women even after all of this. Howard said that's understandable. Howard asked Sal if he wanted Richard to come in and lick his balls. Sal said that would be fine. Richard came in a short time later and started to kiss Sal's neck. Richard said the ball licking thing isn't sexual to him. He said they might have to go further than that to make it more special. Robin said that was nice, at least someone wanted to blow him.
Lisa G's Howard 100 News Preview. 06/13/07. 7:35am
Howard had Lisa G get back to her Howard 100 News preview. She said that she hadn't even started yet. Lisa was going to start but Howard gave Sal a ''143'' and told Lisa the same thing. Lisa said that she's very emotionally attached to the show and she felt very sad when she heard about Sal and his wife.
Lisa said that they have a story about Jackie the Joke Man dating a woman he met through a dating service. They will have more on that today. They also have a story about Ralph getting on SFN to post hundreds of posts about The Sopranos. They'll also have a story about Steve Grillo claiming that he was going to take care of some interns at the bar he works at and not coming through with the money. Howard thanked Lisa and said he had to take a break after that.
Naked Daredevil With Guest Karina The Porn Star. 7/29/03. 8:10am
Howard came back after the break with porn star Karina (Get Her Videos Here) sitting in already. He took a phone call before getting to her though. A guy called in and said that ESPN picked up on the Kate Hudson story and ragged on her about it for a little while. Howard said he had tape from that show and he'd play it. He put the guy on hold because the guy said he wanted to play ''Win Fred's Money'' and if he lost, he'd like to let Robin Radzinski give him a golden shower. Howard quickly played the tape from ESPN and then moved on to Karina.
Karina brought Howard a bottle of Vodka from Finland, where she's from, because Howard always says she's from Sweden. Howard said she was in a bikini this morning and looked pretty good. He said a lot of porn stars don't look all that good but she does. Howard said he heard that she was crying all last night for some reason. She said she was because her cat died and her boyfriend called her to tell her that at midnight last night. She said it was a bad time to tell her that because she had the show to do today.
Howard said the reason they're doing this is because the DVD for the movie ''Daredevil'' is coming out. Howard said the movie company came up with the idea to do the Naked Daredevil thing. They also put up $5000 and a trip the Playboy mansion with Karina. Gary asked her if she'd be up for doing other things with the winner of the contest. She said she'd see what happens. Howard said she seems to be pretty open with her sexuality and she's not as picky as most women are. She said she likes sex and doesn't have a problem doing guys or girls. She told Howard that she just did her first strap-on dildo thing with another woman. She said the other woman was the one wearing the strap-on though. Howard asked her if she's ever done a black guy before. She said she did one on film and doesn't have a problem doing that. She doesn't think it lowers her value like some porn starts think it does. She told Howard she thinks she's probably done a total of about 100 guys in her career. Gary told Howard that he sat with her by the pool out in Las Vegas and had some nice conversations with her about family and stuff like that. Then he turns on one of her videos and sees her with three guys in her. He said she had one in her mouth, in her ''receiver'' and in the butt as well. She said she's only done that a couple of times and it doesn't happen often.
Howard had Karina stand up and model for him a little bit. He said he'd love to ''hit that'' after seeing her stand up. Howard took some phone calls after that and one guy sounded like he was rubbing one out while he was on the phone. KC came in a short time later and asked Howard if he knew whose mouth Karina stuck her tongue in. It turned out to be Will from the back office. Will came in and said they were at a private party in Vegas and she stuck her tongue in his mouth. Karina remembered it after he reminded her about it. Will was a little freaked out by the fact that she's a porn star so he didn't take it any further. She went on to say that there were rumors that she'd slept with some of Howard's fans but that wasn't true. Howard gave Karina a plug for her web site before they got to the game. You can check her out at CumWithKarina.com
Howard moved on to the game and brought in the first contestant, Rip. Rip was in to get naked and slap his balls against his leg. Gary said they heard him do it over the phone and it was pretty loud. Rip said he's a contractor but quickly complained about how disgusting their bathroom is there. Howard asked Rip about his girlfriend and whether or not she has a problem with all of this. He said she's fine with it. Howard then had him slap his balls against his leg. It really was loud and sounded like a someone was playing tennis in the studio. He said it's a locker room stunt he's done through his life. KC said Rip was smiling the whole time he was slapping his balls back and forth. Howard took some phone calls and asked people if they could hear the ball slapping. One guy said he was able to hear it but he also asked Karina what kind of sex tips she had for a guy. She said she likes to take three fingers in her area... but Howard cut her off before she got too graphic.
Howard moved on to the second contestant Joe. He was there to shave himself down while blindfolded. He had a friend of his by the name of Gypsy to keep him company. She was a stripper but Joe was the guy who was naked. Joe said he brought her there as eye candy. She was going to assist him in the event. Joe said he had a regular old razor to shave down his private parts. Gypsy squirted him down with some shaving cream. Joe then shaved himself with the blindfold on. He then asked for Gypsy to spank him. Howard wanted Gypsy to take her top off but she said she couldn't for some odd reason.
Howard brought in the next contestant who was a woman by the name of Lynn. She was there to let Artie throw McDonalds McGriddle sandwiches at her. The whole thing was her idea according to Gary but she hadn't ever seen the sandwich. She said she had seen them but hadn't eaten them. Lynn said she was a stripper at one point in her life but she's now a meeting planner. Howard had Artie do his thing a minute later. He tossed some of the McGriddle sandwiches at her and she screamed out in pain as they slapped against her chest. They were hitting pretty hard and left big, red welts on her according to Howard. Karina offered to kiss Lynn so they did that quickly.
Next up was Christie who was going to get naked and balance a book on her head. She came in with her sister Angel and the two of them were talking non-stop. Howard noticed that she was completely shaved. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to the girls before they did their thing. Christie said that her sister was going to pour a bunch of stuff on her and then she'd balance a book on her head while she hoola hoops. Christie said hello to Karina and told her how beautiful she was. Howard had the sisters kissing a short time later. He said they didn't really even have to do the sundae thing like they were going to do. Howard said it was good enough that she was just there naked. Christie did the book balancing thing with the hoola hoop going. She also did a naked split for Howard. She then went over to Karina and kissed her. She said that was the first French kiss she'd ever had with another woman. Howard kicked the girls out so he could move on to the next contestant.
The final contestant was Ray who was going to get shot in the ass with a paint ball gun. Howard said he thought he was nuts. KC was the shooter so he showed Ray what it was going to be like by shooting it into a sheet. Howard and Gary thought it was really going to hurt when it hit him. Ray didn't seem to care and told KC to go for it. He was screaming out in pain after that. He was ready to take one in his cup but Howard didn't want him to do it. Howard said the welt on his ass looked like a bullet hole.
Howard mentioned all of the contestants and what each of them did. They had to pick a winner so they went through each one. Robin and Howard picked Ray as the winner. Gary said the McGriddle girl had his vote until the paint ball guy came in. Artie said he had to go with the paint ball guy as well. Karina said she wanted to support the women but she went with Ray who took the paint ball in the ass. Howard then let Ray know that he won the $5000 and the trip to the Playboy mansion. Ray said he has to take a 5 hour trip home sitting on that ass today. Howard congratulated the rest of the contestants and asked Gary if they had any runner up prizes. He said ''no!'' at first but then let them know that they'd give them watches from Steven Singer Jewelers (StevenSingerJewelers.com). Howard wrapped up the segment and took a break after that.
Warren Beatty Comes In. 5/13/98. 8:50am
Actor Warren Beatty came in to promote his new movie Bulworth. The movie premieres in New York and Los Angeles this coming Friday and premieres in the rest of the country next week. Warren almost didn't come in live this morning. He was going to call in but Gary managed to get him to change his mind. There was a whole long story behind it and it had something to do with Howard's assistant Cathy Tobin. She somehow ended up in Warren's limo last night and convinced him to come in to the studio. Howard was all prepared to ask Warren about all of the women he's been linked to but Warren wasn't talking. He wasn't interested in talking about his past sexual experiences. He did talk about Howard's movie Private Parts. He told Howard that he enjoyed it very much and thought Howard's acting was very good. He saw it with about 15 other Hollywood celebrities in a private screening. Howard tried his best to bring up Beatty's sexual past but he just wouldn't talk no matter how many times Howard brought it up. It kind of sucked. The only thing he admitted to was masturbating and getting laid for the first time at 19 or 20 years old. Howard filled the rest of the time by talking about things like how Warren wrote this new movie and what he does in his normal routine. Howard even took a few phone calls from listeners who were pissed that Beatty wasn't talking. It didn't make a difference though. Oh well, what can you do? Robin says that this movie was really good and everyone should go see it. Howard brought up the fact that Robin also thought that Arnold Schwarzenegger's Last Action Hero was a good movie. Howard hasn't seen it yet but he's heard good things so far.
Comedian Dave Attell Sits In For The News. 5/28/03. 9:25am
Comedian Dave Attell came in to promote the new season of ''Insomniac with Dave Attell'' which airs at 10:00 pm Thursday nights on Comedy Central. Howard said tonight on E! they have Jim Carrey's interview from last week where he promoted ''Bruce Almighty.'' Howard had a new bit called ''Howard Almighty'' that he played before getting into it with Dave Attell. Dave said he was kind of upset he didn't get to see the girls topless when he was there. He said he was waiting out in the green room with Rudi's boyfriend while they were getting topless.
Howard mentioned that Dave also has a stand-up gig at The Funny Bone out in Columbus, Ohio tomorrow night. He also brought up how Dave's ex-girlfriend Sarah Silverman was on the show talking about him recently. Howard tried to get some dirt on her but Dave wasn't talking. He said he'd tell Howard how Sarah was in bed while talking in Klingon. Howard ended up playing tape of Sarah talking about Dave when she was on a few weeks ago. She told Howard how weird Dave was because he threw his cigarettes on the floor of his apartment. Dave said he still says hello to Sarah when he sees her even though she said they're not friends anymore. Dave told Howard that he sent her flowers when she did Letterman's show and he even sends her birthday cards and stuff. The guys asked Dave if he's afraid he won't get on the Jimmy Kimmel show if he says anything wrong. Dave said he's more afraid that he wouldn't be able to stop doing that show if he got on it. Dave also told Howard that Sarah helped introduce him to his two favorite things, alcohol and smoking. He didn't start smoking until he met her. He said that he was just starting out in comedy at the time and he was a mess back then. He said Sarah was out of his league and ended up leaving him. He said he really did have a thing for her and was sad to lose her. He and Howard spent some time talking about that. Dave said he thinks that Jimmy and Sarah will do well together and he's looking forward to a very special ''Crank Yankers'' with the two of them.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered if Howard really finds Sarah that attractive. The caller said he finds her to have a ''monkey-ish'' face. Howard said he's heard that too but he thinks it's the whole package. She's attractive and funny and it works.
Howard said they have this game to play but he might hold off until tomorrow to play it. KC put together this survey for everyone to fill out about the other people on the show. He said KC screwed up some of the questions. He said one question was ''Who is the most patient?'' and then wrote ''Who is the least most patient?'' Howard said one of the next questions was ''Who is the dumbest?'' so he had to put KC in there because he screwed up that ''least most patient'' question.
KC had some of the results of the survey and went through them with the guys. Here are some of the results:
Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked Dave if Sarah really is as small in the private parts as she was claiming when Howard interviewed her. Dave said he didn't want to say anything about that and wanted to get back to ''the skank in Pittsburgh'' that they were talking about before the call. Howard gave Dave a plug for the comedy gig he has coming up in Columbus and his web site DaveAttell.com.
Howard and the guys ended up talking about how some comedians sell stuff at the end of their show. They talked about Jackie and ho used to sell crap on stage at his show.
Howard got back to KC and his dopey game. Here are some more of the results:
After the break Howard had Robin get to her news. Dave Attell stuck around to comment on the stories she brought up. Howard started it off talking about all of the Dr. Phil merchandise that's out there. He talked about all of the crap that the guy sells and how shameful it is that he's trying to suck up every cent he can while he's hot.
Today's special was over around 10:20am.
Sal said he still has VHS tapes of porn. He said he feels comfortable knowing he has them. Jon said he gets that. It's a sentimental thing. Sal said he would keep his videos and label them as something other than what they were. He said he only labeled them so he knows they're the porn videos. He said he'd label them as KISS or Beastie Boys videos. Sal said he has them in his basement and he thinks it would be tough to throw them out now. Jon asked if it reminds him of a different time in his life or something. Sal said it brings you to a certain place in your life. Jon said he gets that. Benjy said he has a problem with hoarding. He said everything has meaning to him.
Benjy asked if he has a VHS converter or something. Sal said he does have one that transfers them to DVD. Jon said he likes keeping old CDs. It's a sentimental thing with those too.
Jon said they heard about Richard's hard drive and how he knew everything about the people in there. Benjy said they heard about his weekly date and how he'd pour a glass of wine for himself when he beat off. Jon said now that's been replaced with his real wife.
Jon said that JD was also brought up in that segment this morning. He said they also heard Sal talk about the Emotional Friend thing. He said that saga will be played out all week. Jon asked Sal if he can look back on it and not laugh at it but look back on it. Sal said things are going good with them and they got through it together.
Jon said a lot of people thought it was really rough to hear that play out. He said that they appreciated him being so honest on the air about it. Jon asked if it was therapeutic in a way. Sal said he thinks it helped and hurt. He said it was somewhat therapeutic. Sal said he learned from Howard about being candid. He said he figured when he walked in the studio it was like talking to a few friends. He said he thinks subconsciously that it was almost a revenge tactic. He said he let the whole world know how horrible it was. Sal said it was good to get it off his chest. He said if it happened again he doesn't think he would speak about it. He said it's a fault of his to lay it all out on the table like that. He said some things just shouldn't be shared with 22 million people. Sal said there are people who can relate to it so he keeps in touch with some of them. He said he's glad he can help in some odd way. He said that's somewhat comforting.
Jon said that the fantasy football league they have there is named Emotional Friends. He said that they will be talking more about that in the upcoming weeks.
Jon asked Sal about how he's a more open person now. He said he has started to treat women differently. Jon said he thinks that very few marriages would have made it out of that alive. Sal said he agrees. He said he got advice from people in good marriages and they've split up since then. Sal said he and his wife are doing well now.
Sal said they say you can't change people, you can only change yourself. He said that's what he has done. He said he wanted to see what kind of person he was. He said he noticed that his wife started liking the person that he was changing into. He said that's how it happened pretty much. Sal said that time was their only option. He said it could have led them together or apart but it brought them together.
Sal said if you look at yourself and don't like what you see then you have to change. Sal said he thinks he suppressed things and it helped him become a better person.
Jon asked Benjy if that's similar to what's going on in his relationship. Benjy said he just saw that Jon had an anniversary. Jon said it's 23 years now. Benjy said one of the biggest things in his relationship is about objectifying women. Benjy said he didn't give it a second thought before. He said he knows there's a natural inclination to feel the attraction. He said he's not sure what's right or wrong to act on. Jon said if an attractive man walks in and Robin melts, is that objectifying a man? Benjy said it is. Jon said if you only judge someone on their looks then it's a problem.
Jon asked Sal what he thinks. Sal said he thinks that a lot of women look at their bodies like a commodity. He said they try to look attractive and they're trying to find the right man in their life. He said that there's nothing wrong with being attractive. He said that's just one phase though. He said it comes down to chemistry. Sal said looking great is fine but you have to have that chemistry.
Benjy said that they're talking about their personal lives. He asked if they're perpetuating bad things. Sal said he doesn't think so. He said if someone comes in and Howard says they're beautiful the women will take that as a compliment. Sal said there's nothing wrong with someone trying to look great. He said if a big, fat, sloppy person comes in and you call them a pig, that's wrong. He said complimenting someone on their looks is a good thing.
Jon said he wanted to move on from that. He asked Benjy what's going on with him and Elisa. Benjy said he has to look at what he does in his life and not bring it up when he sees an attractive woman.
Jon said he knows he's into the vortex but he doesn't care because he loves Benjy. Jon said Benjy wants to spend his life with Elisa and he's not sure what's stopping him other than that symbolic gesture. He said he's more married than half the people on the show. Sal said that maybe what he's trying to say is that he has seen this really attractive girl and maybe he's trapped in her looks. Benjy said it's not that at all. Benjy said he was never marriage minded before Elisa. He said now he can see it happening. Jon said he just can't pull the trigger. Benjy said it's not even about marriage. Benjy said he got an iPhone years after everyone else did. He said he isn't good at that stuff. Sal said he thinks he's saying he doesn't just go with the flow when it comes to things like that.
Benjy said he has to work on some things in his life over the next year. He said he always puts things off. He mentioned again that he wanted to meet this guy who was the oldest man alive and he put it off so long he didn't get to it before the guy died.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he heard about Benjy and Elisa a few weeks ago. He said he was thinking about him being a hoarder and he's kind of treating Elisa like a possession. Benjy said that's a horrible way to put it but it's a good way to put it. He said he is down to like very little now. He said he has only like 2 bags in his life. Jon asked if he is hoarding Elisa. Benjy said he's not. He said he likes being with her. He said they like each other. Sal asked what the ''but'' is. Benjy said there is no ''but.'' Jon said Benjy is trying to figure his way around. He said they don't know Elisa's side of the story in all of this either. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked JD about his experiences with women since then. JD said he has had more since then. He didn't know what to say.
Jason said that JD was less than a year removed from losing his virginity in 2005 or 2006. Jon said a lot of people hear the show and hear everyone grow. He said that Sal has grown since he started on the show. Sal said he started at 33 years old and he's going to be 45 soon. He said that's a long time. Jason said if you're not a different person than you were 10 years ago then there's something wrong with you.
Benjy said he doesn't think that their personalities change. Jon said he thinks Richard's has. Jason said that as you get older you see the world differently. He said Richard didn't even drink during the week when he first started there. He said that's changed. Jason said things that made him angry 5 years ago don't anger him now. He said he has other things that make him angry instead.
Jon took a call from a guy who wanted to get in on the fantasy football thing with them. Jason said that they have an open spot in their league. He said that they would prefer that it be a celebrity though. Jon asked JD if he thinks it should be a celebrity. JD said for the show it might be best. Jon told the caller that he's not in then. He blamed JD for that.
Sal said he wanted to put his emotional friend, Larry Caputo, into the league. Jon asked if he is a celebrity. Sal said he is. They spent a few more minutes talking about how they were going to pick someone for their league.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what happens behind the scenes with Benjy and Elisa. He said they get so much crap on the air. He asked if they get off the air and not talk about it and save it for the air or what. He said if Benjy doesn't fix this then he's going to lose her. Benjy said a lot of people have been reaching out to Elisa on Facebook. He said they act all sweet toward her. He said that a lot of women are very sincere about it too. Jon said they had to take another break a short time later.
Matt asked if anyone else on the staff would want to be in it. He said maybe they could do something interesting with someone from the tapes team or something. Sal said they can throw Richie Beilenson then.
Sal kept mentioning Larry and Sal said he feels like he belongs in there. Jon took a call from someone claiming to be Larry. Sal asked him a question to find out if it was really him. It was. Jon asked how much time he spends with Sal. Larry said it's not as much as he'd like to. He said he's a really good guy. Jason asked if he's into fantasy football. Larry said his son does but he doesn't really. Jason said that he's not in then. Sal told him he was in anyway.
Benjy asked Larry if his wife would be able to help him with this. Larry said it's not her forte but she does get stuff like that at times. He said that she might come up with something and she'll say something during a hockey game and it happens. He said it might be his luck or something. He said most of the time his wife is right with her predictions.
Shuli asked if she predicted him being rejected by the league. Jon said he had to rein all of this in and had Jason give his ruling on Larry. Jason said they will have to pass on him. Sal asked if he'd eat Prosciutto out of his cock. Jon said he's trying to wrap this up. Jason said Larry said he's not into fantasy football so he's out. Larry said he never said that. There was talk of him teaming up with Michael Strahan. Jon said that they have to figure this all out. They had to end the show though. Jon let Matt Berry go and had Shuli give his Howard 100 News preview. He ran down a few stories they had coming up. Jon ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:15am.
Various Stuff. 3/19/01. 6:05am
Gary and his wife went to a spa over the weekend and KC was making fun of him. Gary came in and told Howard about his mud bath. He said he was wearing a bathing suit in the tub. He said he got in a tub and a woman helped him get the bath going. They take a bag of dirt to create the mud. Howard said he's not one for spas unless he's going to get a massage. He talked about how the spa people talk about how you get your ''energy'' back by doing all of these things. Gary said the woman told him she removed a lot of toxins from his body and he'd have to be careful drinking alcohol. Gary said he ignored her and drank like he normally would.
Howard then said that KC asked him if he ever had a guy massage him. Howard never has but Gary did. KC told Howard that when he was wrestling he got a massage from a guy when naked. He said he was about 17 at the time. KC didn't know it was going to be a guy. He said the guy put down the lights a bit and then put on the sound of whales. Then he got his rub down. Howard said he'd never let a guy rub him down for any reason.
Gary got back to his story and talked about his day at the spa. Howard said he thought Gary hated that stuff. Gary said that he loves the spa. It was relaxing for him. KC said he's going to a spa in a couple of weeks also. His girlfriend is bringing him.
Howard says that he hates massages because they never go well. He had one woman massage him while he was down in Grenada. He said she was pretty hot. He got the massage and thought she was getting pretty close to his private parts but she never finished him off.
Gary said he also took a relaxation class at the spa and he ended up falling asleep. Only one other person in the class fell asleep so Gary felt like a dope when he woke up and realized it.
Howard said he did a relaxation thing yesterday also. He watched ''Miss Congeniality'' and fell asleep for about an hour. He said it was horrible and he doesn't know what Sandra Bullock was thinking when she made it. He did see one good movie over the weekend though. He saw ''Blow'' starring Johnny Depp and said that it was one of the best movies he's ever seen.
Comedian Craig Gass, who will be appearing at Stand Up New York tonight at 6:30pm, was sitting in again this morning. He was ''Al Pacino'' for a couple of minutes while Howard was talking about the guests coming up later in the morning. Hal Sparks from ''Queer as Folk'' was coming in and Al was talking about wanting to talk to ''fairy boy'' Hal.
Survey's And More Surveys. 5/29/03. 8:05am
After the break Howard read something that was forwarded from a newsgroup about his show. He said there were 4000 people surveyed about whether or not he was a Vietnam Vet. 38 percent believed it. Howard also had a few other things from that survey like...:
KC came in with another one of his own surveys. They filled this one out yesterday and this morning. Howard talked about yesterday's survey and how John got upset about some of the stuff he was voted for in that one. Each of the people on the show filled out this survey and KC put the results together. Here's how they voted:
Stuttering John brought up how Benjy has a stench about him a couple of times during the week that really bothers Fred and Artie. Benjy got really defensive and defended himself against those allegations. He swears that he doesn't smell and wants to have someone come up and sniff everyone to see if they can catch a whiff of him. Fred said it's definitely Benjy that stinks sometimes. It's not Artie. Stuttering John said he's heard about the smell from people once in a while. Benjy thought it might be the food he eats but Fred said he knows the difference between food and a stench coming from someone. John said it might be Benjy's clothing not being clean. Artie said that could be it because he remembers Benjy having a stain on his jacket for a long time that was some kind of oil that was just gross. Benjy wanted Howard to smell all of their necks to see if he could smell something. Howard said he'd do that after the Midgets Gone Mad segment. He told Benjy he can't brush his teeth during the break or he'd call off the whole thing. Benjy said he'd be up for that so Howard took a break.
Sal's Marriage Discussed. 06/14/07. 6:30am
Howard said that Sal's wife called into the Wrap Up Show yesterday so he got kind of pissed off that she was on there and not on his show. Artie said that it was a good segment too. Artie said that maybe he can get her on the air today but Howard said he kind of wanted to do that yesterday morning, not this morning. Howard said he didn't even want to hear it because the answers would be in his head already. Artie said that he wanted to ask her about whether or not she slept with a guy. Sal came in and said that he's still thinking about that himself but he's just moving forward with the whole thing.
Sal said that Artie really looks out for him and tries to help him out. He said he got a voice mail from him last night and he offered to throw some cash at him. He said that Artie told him that he was doing some shows and said he'd offer him some money at any show he needs. Sal said it's really nice that he's offering to do that.
Howard asked Sal if he's ever asked his wife if she slept with this guy. Sal said that she's never really answered the question completely. Sal said that he's never cheated on his wife, ever. Artie said that he's good about that stuff on the road when he's with him so he doesn't think Sal has ever cheated. Howard asked Sal if he even wants to know. Sal said that her sister was there yesterday and he didn't get into it. He said he didn't want to deal with that with her sister being there.
Sal thinks that he was distant emotionally from her and he gets that now. Gary came in and said that it seems like Sal has been brainwashed now because he talks in therapy speak. He said that even if Sal wasn't there emotionally, his wife didn't take any responsibility on any level for what was wrong in the relationship. Gary said he asked her about the emotional friend and if she felt wrong about that. She said she didn't and she said she needed that friendship. Fred asked Sal why she didn't go to a therapist instead of to another man. Sal didn't know. He said that it was his idea to go to therapy. Gary asked why she would hide that friend if it was no big deal.
Artie said that Sal really needs to find out if she slept with him. Sal said it doesn't matter to him. Robin said that knowledge could kill the relationship though. Howard asked Sal if it would change things if he found out she did sleep with the guy. Sal said ''no'' and that if he really loves someone, he can put that kind of stuff behind him. Artie said he'd have to know. Robin said Artie could never stay with someone knowing that she had slept with another man. Sal said that she hardly banged him so he can't see her banging some other guy.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he kind of wondered why Sal's wife was on The Wrap Up Show because he thinks that she should be on Howard's show. Howard said that's the way he feels because it takes away the suspense from the whole thing. Gary said that she's kind of afraid to come there and it's not over yet. There's a lot more to explore. Gary said he wasn't trying to be Howard on the show. Howard said it was like the pre-interview took place on the air. Gary said he's not sure what to do then.
Howard said that he started to listen to the interview but it was a little boring. He wished that they had gotten her on his show instead. Dominic was picking it apart saying that the interview would have gone completely different if they had her on Howard's show. Howard said that the Wrap Up Show is for talking about what happened during the show that day, not to talk to someone like that who he wanted on the show. Howard said that he wants the Wrap Up Show to be interesting but not when it comes to stuff like that. He said that would be like Robin going on Bubba's show and revealing that she had broken up with Mr. X.
Dominic was complaining over and over again and Gary said that he's got to get out of Howard's ass with that stuff. Howard said that he's kind of right and he thinks that he could have done something with that interview if she had called in on this show. He said it could have been interesting if he could have played with it in his own way.
Sal told Gary that he blew it and called him an asshole. He said he didn't even feel good about doing that though. He said that the whole thing is just so messed up that he doesn't feel right dissing people. Howard asked who thinks that the marriage is going to end in divorce. Gary said he's not sure where it's at right now. Robin and Gary both think that the marriage will end in divorce. Artie said he doesn't think it will. Fred said that he's not sure but his wife is the question mark right now. He asked if she says that she's in love with him. Sal said that she feels a love like he's a brother or something to her. She wants to work back to what it was like in the past though.
Dominic asked if Sal's parents went through something like that because he had mentioned something about that. He said that his father did cheat on his mother but she stayed with him all these years. They went through that stuff for a minute before Howard said he had to go to break. He took another phone call a few seconds later though. The caller said he started snooping around and found out that she was cheating on him. He said that if he had done that to her, she would have gotten right out of there. Howard said he could never forgive someone for doing something like that to him so Sal is a better man than he is. Howard said he had a chick break up with him because she had found a guy who had a bigger cock than he did. He said he was in college at the time and he got the call one day saying that she found a guy with a big penis. He said that they were fucking like 5 times a day and it really broke his heart. He said he was in love and it really hurt.
Sal was laughing at Howard for losing a chick because of his cock. Howard didn't think that was right and said that his wife is out cheating on him. Sal said that everyone is coming out of the woodwork when this stuff comes up. He said that some people were telling him not to worry about it but others were saying that an emotional friend is just another description for a ''fuck buddy.''
Howard read some e-mail about Sal's problem. Some people wrote in and said that he's just staying with his wife because he's afraid he's going to lose his lifestyle. Howard figures that Sal is with someone he can't have and that might be a reason he's staying with her. Sal said that he's got no problem getting women so he'd have no problem being alone.
Jessica Hahn called in and asked about some of the things that his wife was doing to him as far as going out all dressed up at night with her friends and stuff. Sal had talked about that and about making Sal hold in his load so he wouldn't dirty the sheets or anything like that. Another caller said that Sal shouldn't be surprised if his wife was sleeping with that guy. Another caller told Sal that if he wants to get back to having sex with his wife he should go by that bar she hangs out at because that's where she was getting guys off. Howard asked Sal if he thinks that she was going out and getting guys at that bar. Sal said he thinks that she was just going there to high five her friends over taking her husbands money and stuff like that.
Hanzi called in and said that Sal's wife should have confronted him about her problems instead of just going out and doing what she did. Howard said that Sal is just being honest with himself and trying to work things out his own way by showing her the old Sal. He said that if he's blaming her for what happened, that's just the same old shit that she's been hearing for years.
Howard asked Sal if he knows that all of his kids are his. Sal said he's pretty sure except for the black one. Artie asked Howard if they could roast Sal on the last day before they go on vacation for July. Howard said that they really should do that. He said he was going to take a break from those roasts for a year or so but now he has to do one with Sal. Artie said that the material is endless. Sal said that he had a bunch of guys come up to him asking if they were the ''emotional friend'' that he was talking about. That means that she must be talking to all of these guys. Howard had to go to break after that.
HSSP: James Taylor In Studio - November 21, 1991. 04/10/13. 6:50am
Next on Staff Picks we heard Steve Brandano introducing a segment where Joe Walsh and James Taylor were in studio together back in 1991.
In the clip Howard was talking to James Taylor for the first time. Howard told some stories about James and his music. Joe told Howard some stories about his life with Carley Simon and things like that.
This part of the rundown is from a 2011 Intern Week replay...
In the clip we heard Howard getting upset that one of the female interns asked James Taylor out to lunch. He had Kristen come in so he could explain to her what she did wrong. Howard said she can't walk up to the guests and ask them out to lunch. Kristen said she didn't do that. James was still sitting in so he told Howard that he forced it out of her. Howard said that's why he's going to be divorced again.
Howard asked if they're going out to lunch. Kristen said that's up to James. Robin said that she heard her telling James she'd go out with him anytime since she lives in Manhattan.
Jackie said it's funny how she hasn't said a whole sentence to anyone there but then James Taylor comes in and she asks him out. Howard didn't even know her name.
Howard asked Kristen how old she is. She said she's 21. Howard said she doesn't have anything in common with him. She said she has a horse and James has a farm so they can talk about that. Howard asked where she's going to take him out. She told Howard this was turning awful. She said she really didn't think that she would end up going out with him.
Howard asked Kristen how she would ask him out if he wasn't there. He wanted to hear what it would sound like. Kristen said she didn't run up to him saying she was a big fan or anything. Howard said she should go see the movie ''Misery'' because this is what it's like. Howard told Kristen to keep it in her pants. He said she's out of control.
Howard asked James if he was going to perform something for them. James said it was a little early for him. Howard asked James about his wife and how he met her. James told Howard the story about how they met. Howard said it sounds like how Yoko met John Lennon. James said she didn't tell him that she didn't know who he was.
Howard said he was going to take a break and then have James perform some songs for them. James said he heard the songs he wanted him to perform. They went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard said James was busy on a personal call. James said that was his son Ben. Howard said he'd give his hair to be James Taylor's son. James said his son may do that himself.
Howard had James warm up to play some songs. James asked for some echo on his voice. They got it set up the way he liked and James performed ''Shower the People'' first. Then James and Howard talked about what the song meant. Howard asked if he was talking about peeing on people. James said that's not what it's about.
After an edited out break Howard came back and talked to James about some of his other songs. James played Howard a little bit of a song called ''Roll River Roll'' that he wrote when he was 14. Howard said he should play him his song ''Psychadellic Bee'' that he wrote around that age.
James told Howard about being put in a mental hospital as a young man. Howard said he's had a wild life. Howard said padding makes for good acoustics. Howard asked James if he has those feelings anymore. He figured he didn't because he's successful. James said he doesn't have them now.
After another edited out break Howard came back and said that Joe Walsh had just come in. He said he was hugging James like there was a major reunion going on. Joe said Gary really looks like Freddy Mercury.
Howard had James perform another song. James performed his song ''Carolina In My Mind'' next. Howard said Joe liked that. He said Joe heard that James was there and came running in. Howard said maybe Joe should perform something. Howard asked Joe if he wanted to play. Joe said he had to tell Robin that he's crazy about her. Robin said she's crazy about him too but what are they going to do about it?
Joe and James worked on playing something and James suggested ''Goodnight Irene.'' They got their guitars ready and performed the song a short time later.
After the song Howard talked to James and Joe for a few more minutes. Howard said James has a new album out. He gave him a plug for that. Howard said it was cool to have Joe there today. He said James didn't know he was going to have such a good time there.
KC's Gay Facial Hair. 5/17/99. 6:40am
Howard pointed out that KC now has a very gay looking beard on his face. He said it looks like a George Michael type of thing with a thin line shaved up the side of his face. Everyone was telling him that he should have kept the line along his jaw line, not up the middle of his cheek. Ronnie the limo driver and Howard were the first ones to point out the bizarre look early this morning. The one person who complimented the look was Anne Marie who works in the office. She came in to tell Howard that she told KC it looked fine. Gary told Howard that she never says a bad thing about anyone who works there so Howard had her take another look. She eventually said it did look kind of strange. Ralph was also there with his input on the look. Benjy also came in and said that it did look pretty weird. Everyone believes that KC will now keep the beard just so it doesn't look like he's caving in to the pressure. He told Ralph that he's going to keep it all week just because he doesn't like it.
KC's Dick In A Box Story. 5/17/1999. 6:40am
A woman called in and asked if she could get some tickets to the Daytime Emmy awards show. Howard had 5 pair to give away so he decided to play a game with the woman. KC came in with a list of games they could play. He had choices like Crackhead Bob game, Kicked in the Nuts game, Name that Tune and the Nutty True or False game. They finally settled on the Kicked in the Nuts game. KC said that some guy did a study of kids between 10 and 16 and he had the statistics set up as questions. He explained the first question but it was really confusing to Howard so he made KC move on. The woman on the phone had to get 3 out of 5 correct to win the tickets. The first question was something like ''The kids who were assaulted in the nuts were either hit, kicked or an object was used.'' The woman guessed Kicked and got it right. It was 37% of the kids who said they were kicked. Then he asked where the kids were assaulted, School, in the neighborhood or at home. She guessed School and got it right. Then it was the time of day.. morning, afternoon or evening. She guessed afternoon and got it right. She won the tickets. KC had a few more of his lame statistics so he read them. Then after everyone talked about their own ''hit in the nuts'' story KC told Howard some stories about what he used to do in college. The story that hit Howard as really funny was how KC used to take a pizza box, cut a hole in it and put it on his lap. He'd then have his ''pin'' (penis) stick up through the hole. Then he'd ask people in the dorm if they wanted the last piece of pizza. They'd open the box and his penis would be hanging in the box. Howard laughed hysterically at the thought of it. KC also had a story about how he crapped in a cookie box to get back at this guy who used to sleep nude in his bed.
Comedian Patton Oswalt Sits In For The News. 09/20/04. 9:50am
After the break comedian Patton Oswalt (PattonOswalt.com) come in to hang out during the news. He has a new CD out called ''Feelin' Kinda Patton'' which is available on his web site.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Patton about his comedy and how he worked with Artie years ago on Mad TV. Patton now works on ''The King of Queens'' and he said he loves it. He said he's probably spoiled by it because there are no bad politics there so everything goes pretty smoothly. He said he only works every third episode or so and he gets a lot of time off.
Patton told Howard he's been dating a girl for about a year now and he's starting to get the hints from her to get her a ring and stuff like that. Howard asked him about working on ''The King of Queens'' and if he has to do any writing or if he just goes in and reads his lines. Patton said that the writers over there are so good that he just goes in and reads his lines.
Patton told Howard about his web site and how he has a blog on his web site about his life but he keeps it pretty short and only writes about interesting stuff that happens to him. Patton also told Howard about the day that they fired Artie because of his coke use. He said that they brought the guys down to a room and told them that Artie was going to be leaving the show for a while. They were being kind of sensitive and didn't just tell them that Artie had gone nuts on coke. The way they explained it made it sound pretty ominous and people were thinking that maybe they found box kites made out of human skin in his apartment or something.
Patton told Howard he worked for two seasons on Mad TV and he's not surprised they didn't ask him back for more. He used to play Doom 2 all day and just messed around. Artie told Howard that he and Patton did write a few good things for Mad TV like a ventriloquist dummy bit and a bit where Artie played a deejay who was giving a eulogy for another deejay and he couldn't get out of his deejay voice.
Artie remembered the days working on ''The Norm Show'' where he had like one line and got paid $35,000 a week to do it. Patton didn't want to say what he's making on ''The King of Queens'' because he didn't want to upset anyone over there. Artie said he announced his salary on Conan O'Brien one time when he was still working there and almost got fired. He said they told him that there are accomplished actors out there not making that kind of money.
Patton told Howard about a gig he did one time where he was chanted off stage because he was doing some anti-Bush material. He said that the people there were chanting ''Bush Rocks!'' while he was doing his material. That led to Howard and Patton spending a few minutes discussing the election. Howard said he's going to really push for Kerry about 3 days before the election.
Chaunce Hayden called in and told Howard about what's going on with the bulletin board these days. He said there are girls on there who give out their cell phone numbers and put them on vibrate. Then they have the guys on the board call them and put the phones near their private areas and tell the guys how it feels as they're doing it. Howard said that the ''girls'' are probably people like Gay Ramone but it's still an interesting idea. He likes what's going on with the bulletin board since they started ''cleaning it up.''
Howard had Robin start her news after that. Patton stuck around to comment on some of the stories that Robin brought up. They wrapped up the show around 10:40am.
Today's Unnamed Vacation Special was over around 10:30am.
Jon mentioned James Taylor and Scott the Engineer said that was a great day. He said it was one thing to have him in but then Joe Walsh came in and performed with him.
Jon said they should start off with the massage stories segment. He asked the guys if they had any stories. Richard said a lot of people found it odd that he's been massaged by a guy on occasion. He doesn't think it's odd though. He said it's a totally professional thing for him. He said he requested a guy once when he got a pumpkin rub. Jon said it's interesting it was at an all men's spa. Richard said he and Sal did an appearance there at the spa and he liked it. He said it was the oddest appearance ever. He said it was for guys who have small wieners to get an operation to make it bigger. He said their role was to hang out and say hi to the guys. Richard said they had shown their wieners on the show so they must have figured it was a good thing for them to do. He said about 6 or 7 guys showed up for the wiener thing.
Jon asked if he had the massage that day. Richard said he went back after that. He said that he was invited down. Richard said he took advantage of it. Richard said his wife gets him a pumpkin massage every year. He said that's the place he goes. Richard said it's so good. He said he gets the pumpkin package which is like a 3 hour deal there.
Jon asked JD if he finds this odd. JD said not at all. He said it's par for the course. Richard said for his bachelor party he didn't want to make a big deal out of it. He said his party was him and Sal at a spa in Atlantic City getting a couple's massage.
Jon asked if there have been nay happy endings there. Richard said no. He said there are guys and women who work there. He said it's catered toward guys though. He said there is no funny business going on though.
Jon said he heard Scott had some new material. Scott said that he heard Ronnie talking about ''Ebowler virus'' this morning and he was wondering where that bowling alley is because he wanted to go. No one laughed.
Jon said Scott tells jokes in the back all the time. He asked if he wants to go do it in the clubs. Scott said it's just a joking around thing in the back. He said he's not a comedian and he has no timing or anything. Jon said he thinks Scott could do it. He said he thinks everyone there thinks they're very funny. Scott said he would ask for help if he was going to do it. He said he'd ask Sal, Richard and Shuli for help. He said he works with the best in the business there so why not ask for help?
Jon asked Scott about Julie Benz since he knew he was a big Dexter fan. Scott said he's excited to meet her. He said he was a huge Dexter fan and he'd watch episodes over and over. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Julie has done so many things. He said she's in Defiance on SyFy. He said she's the Mayor on the show. He asked if she enjoys working on that show. Julie said she does like that. She said she like playing with guns. Jon said that's cool.
Jon said everyone in there are big fans of her's. He said that if you haven't seen Dexter then you should tune out. Julie said if they haven't then where have they been. Jon said that's a good point. Jon said that her last season on the show was the pinnacle of the show in his opinion. He asked what it was like for her when the show was growing so much. Julie said it was exciting. She said that the first season didn't have that many people watching. She said she loved that kind of dark, twisted drama and she felt that it would be watched. Julie said it was exciting to watch it grow. She said it became an obsession for some people.
Jon said that he didn't expect it to end up the way it did for Julie's character. She said she had no idea it was going to end like that. She said she was told the news and her reaction was that she just lost her job. She said that she wondered who was going to raise the baby. Scott said he was hoping it was a dream sequence and she'd be alive the next season. He said that didn't work out that way.
Benjy asked why they keep that kind of thing a secret from her until the last minute. She didn't get the script until an hour before. Julie said they told her that they weren't expecting the season to be as good as it was and they had to have a really shocking thing there. Julie said she felt like she had to try to defended her character and keep her in but they had already made up their minds.
Jon said that Julie grew up in Pittsburgh. Benjy asked if she knew someone he knew in school. Julie said there are actually a lot of people who live there. Jon said he grew up there too. He told Julie about some places he went to when he was there.
Jon asked Julie about skating and if that's the direction she was going for her career. Julie said she got injured and she's glad she did because she was able to get into acting instead. She said she didn't know what her future was really going to be. She said she thinks the universe was looking out for her.
Jon said Julie auditioned for the character of Buffy. Julie said she did and she was a lot older than Sarah. She said that she ended up meeting Joss Whedon there and she got to be on Buffy and also on Angel.
Jon said Julie was also on No Ordinary Family and that didn't work out. Jon asked why she thinks it missed. Julie said she thinks that they were on in the wrong time slot and wrong night. She said they were up against 3 giants and they weren't able to get traction in that time slot. She said she thinks if they had a better lead in show or they were on another night then they may have made it. Scott the Engineer said he watched it. He said he's not sure how much they take in DVR ratings. Julie said they do take that in but the whole rating system is antiquated. She said there's just so much media out there that it's not being taken into account. Scott said he thought the show was really good.
Jon said that Julie is about halfway through Defiance. Julie said episode 8 airs this week. She said it's an exciting week for them. She said her sister returns on the episode.
Richard said there's a SyFy network star in there. He was referring to Benjy who was in Sharknado 2. Richard said he was ''the guy who got ate by a shark.'' Jon said it's going to be in theaters for one night too. He said he just read that. Benjy didn't know that.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Julie he was bummed when they took her character out of Dexter. He said it would have been cool if they brought her back as a ghost. He asked if they considered that. Julie said that didn't really fit into that whole thing. She said that she didn't know Dexter's secrets. She said that Rita didn't have any idea of what was going on with him. She said she would have loved to have gone back but it wouldn't have made sense. Julie said people are actually surprised that people think she really died in that show. She said that it's just acting though.
Jon asked if Julie was happy with the way Dexter ended. Julie said she would have loved to have seen him get his justice. She said she was sad to see that all of the female characters from the original show get killed off. She said that everyone was disappointed in the Sopranos ending but you get it once you go back and watch. She said she thinks that might be what they were going for. She said they also wanted to leave it open to something in the future. Jon said he didn't think about that. Julie said all of the women are dead now though.
Jon asked Julie if she likes TV or film better. Julie said she loves playing a character over a large span of time on TV. She said it's fun to do that. She said she gets to really know a character. Julie said on a film you get maybe 8 weeks of a character.
Jon said Julie was in Saw V and Richard is a big horror movie fan. Julie said she can't watch those kind of movies so she wanted to try it to get used to it. She said she was so scared that she threw up on set one day. Julie said that she had to do a scene where she had a real saw behind her and it was her first day on set. She said she panicked and asked what happened if she didn't get the key in time. She said the director said they'd yell cut. She said the sets were amazing and terrifying. She said it was a great experience. She said she's never watched the one she's in though.
Richard asked Julie about working with John Lithgow. She said it was great. She said he's such a nice guy but then he plays that evil character and it's amazing. Julie said a lot of people say they can't watch the show because it's too gory. She said it really isn't that gory if you think about it. Scott said there are some gory scenes. She said that she was dyed pink for a couple of weeks after her final scene. She said she wasn't allowed to tell anyone what happened though. She said she just had to tell them that she was just pink.
Jon asked what Julie what she's doing now. She said she's working on something called Havenhurst and it should be out next year. Jon wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Richard wasn't around yesterday but he wanted to ask him about the Emotional Friend thing. He said that he remembers the state Sal was in. Richard said it was something they discussed every day in the office. He said he was going through a brutal time. He said he gave him the best advice he could think of but he was just trying to make him thing things would get better. He said they have fortunately.
Shuli said that Sal seems to have an emotional friend now. He said it's Larry Caputo. Richard said it's sweet. He said he and Sal don't hang out because they live so far away. He said it makes him happy that Sal is happy when he hangs out with Larry. Jon said maybe Christine should be worried. Shuli said he's never seen Sal petition for Richard to be part of fantasy football like he did with Larry. Jon said there's something going on there. Richard said he gets a kick out of all of that.
Jon said they started the show talking about the massage stories. He asked Scott if he ever got massages. Scott said no. He said he never went for a happy ending or anything. Jon said he's not even talking about that. Scott said he has gotten regular massages from female only masseuses. Richard said it's really no different. Scott said he's sure but he doesn't want a dude touching him.
Benjy said he got a hair cut recently and he got a massage from him too. Scott said he has had hair cuts where he got a scalp massage. He said that does feel good. He said it wasn't really a massage though.
Shuli said he went to a ''jack shack'' once and this woman started standing on his back to massage him. He said he ended up in the hospital because she cracked his rib doing that.
Jon asked JD if he gets a massage. JD said he doesn't like it actually. He said he hasn't been to any massage parlors. He said he hasn't put himself in that position.
Jon said he's shocked that Sal isn't in there. JD said he thinks they've heard every massage story. Jon said they're never ending stories from him.
Benjy asked Richard if he's ever had a guy or a woman try to go further with him. Richard said he had an Asian guy stick his hand in the crack of his ass and tickle his balls a little bit. He said he just figured it was a spot he regularly rubs. He said he made a noise to make it sound like he was uncomfortable. Richard said he didn't want to come out and complain about it. He said he moved away from that area so it worked out.
Benjy asked if he thinks that it could have led to a hand job. Richard said he's not sure the guy wasn't the janitor at the place. Richard said he went to this place in Queens and it was an Asian holiday or something. He said there was only one person there. Richard asked for a massage and they said all they had was ''man'' so he took it. He said he's been back to the place and that guy hasn't been there since. Shuli asked if they touched his wife in the wrong way there. Richard said they haven't.
Richard said he got a massage for his mother and he made sure it was a woman who rubbed her down. He said he wanted to be sure of that. Richard said he wouldn't want his wife being touched by a man either.
Jon had Shuli give his rundown for the Howard 100 News headlines. Shuli did that quickly and then the other guys got in their plugs. They ended the show around 11:20am.
Richard's Birthday Celebration - Pizza And Movies. 04/01/09. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: A song parody with Riley Martin audio clips to the tune of ''Wipe Out,'' Sal and Richard prank call to the Paula Gloria radio show, Sal's ''Photograph'' song parody about his wife, Fred's ''Imus Dead Or Alive'' song parody.
Howard started off the show talking about Richard Christy's stink this morning. He said he smelled some awful smell in the hall this morning and it was Richard eating something covered in cheese. He said it was Richard's birthday today. He was celebrating by eating that stinky food.
Richard told him that he's going to celebrate by getting a pizza from Papa John's today. Then he watches Halloween part 1 and 3. Richard said that he's been doing that since 1996.
Richard also told Howard that the food he's eating is Caraba's chicken Brian. Howard told him it really smells like vomit. Richard said it tastes better than it smells. Richard said the food came from Connecticut yesterday. Richard wants to open one of those restaurants there in the city if he ever gets rich.
Richard said that someone once sent him live lobsters at work. Howard said he doesn't eat them because of the way they kill them. He said that he hates that. People tell him that they don't feel it but he read a study that shows that they do feel pain. Fred played a clip of Benjy screaming as the sound of the lobsters making noise.
Artie said that the fact that a Papa John's can even stay open in New York City really bothers him. He said that it's not real pizza and it's disgusting. Artie said that there's a pizzeria right up the street from them. Richard said he goes there sometimes. He said that he likes to keep his tradition and he also likes the Papa John's better than the regular pizza place.
Howard said that Richard has been bursting out of his clothes lately because of the weight he's gained. Richard said he's been learning to suck it in lately. Howard said he still wears the same clothes he's had for the past few years.
Howard said Richard gets upset when people call him fat. Richard said it really bothers him when Mike Gange calls him fat. Howard said that Mike is like twice as big as Richard. He said he's really weak when it comes to that stuff. Howard said Gange used to ask him for diet advice but he'd never follow through.
Howard said that Richard claims he still goes to the gym. Richard said he does. He's still gaining weight though. Howard said that there are some people in the world who are able to keep fit because they care about how they look. American's don't seem to care and just keep eating. Howard said that the Europeans really hate that because we're so loud and annoying on top of being fat.
Richard said he got yelled at when he was over in Paris. He broke something in a store and got a lecture about what's wrong with Americans.
Howard said he was trying to guess how old Richard is and he was way off because of how he looks. Richard is only 35. Richard said that's because he's gone through so much in his life.
Sal And Richard Lectured Over Web Site Store. 04/01/09. 6:10am
Howard said he almost called into the Wrap Up Show yesterday because of some of the stuff Sal and Richard were talking about. He said that Sal was explaining why they sell pictures on their web site. Howard said he was listening to it and the guys were saying it wasn't so bad and sounded reasonable. Howard said that the audience isn't there to sucker into every money making opportunity.
Richard said that they stay after the show and take pictures with people and sign every autograph. Howard said that there's nothing wrong with selling stuff but he gets upset with people like Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly because they sell so much junk. Howard said that the greats in show business never saw their careers like that and they don't look at the audience like an endless cash machine. Howard said he never did that himself.
Howard said they should have pride and maybe have some integrity and not sell that junk. Artie said that makes sense to him but some people don't have the ability to entertain. Artie said he was just joking about that. He said that they can entertain.
Howard said that Sal and Richard have to just let the fans go and not try to figure out a way to sell them more stuff.
Gary said that Sal barged into his office to explain why they take the pictures. He compared it to Disney where they take your picture and then charge you if you want a copy. Howard said that you get raked over when you go to Disney. Gary agreed with that.
Sal came in and Howard said he heard he was near tears talking about all of the people being so down on him. Howard told him to get a divorce if he's that upset. Sal was ready to leave after that. Howard told him to just accept that he's in show business and he doesn't have to do this stuff.
Howard said that he's offered all kinds of junky stuff like magazines, fashion lines, perfume and more. He said that he doesn't get why they try to sell ''I Love Tradio'' t-shirts on their site. He wondered how many people could have actually purchased one. He said it's probably 7 people. Sal said that he agrees with Howard on that but there are people who do enjoy buying stuff like that.
Howard said that Jackie used to sell that kind of stuff on his web site and he never thought he had any respect for himself or the show. Howard said that people probably bought that junk and then cursed Jackie and the show out when they woke up the next morning and saw what they bought.
Sal said that they don't peddle that stuff and they just let people see it and buy it if they want. Sal said that they don't sell buttons and mugs and stuff.
Sal was all down on himself so Howard told him to just get rid of the wife already. Sal said he called a therapist yesterday and he has to get back to him. Sal said that everything in his head is screwed up right now. Howard told him that's because he has a shitty marriage. Sal said that they're going to Florida this weekend together and they're getting along okay. Howard said that they don't get along. He said he likes Sal's wife but Sal doesn't get along with her.
Sal said that there are some things they just can't fix. He said he still loves her. Howard said that Sal writes songs about pushing her down the steps, what kind of love is that? Howard said that he thinks that Christine is a nice woman but they just don't get along.
Sal said that he blames himself for driving his wife to what she did. Howard said it sounds like torture to him. Howard asked why he would stay in it if it's so miserable. Gary said that they want to fix it but then neither of them do anything to fix it.
Gary said that Sal and his wife were going to therapy for a while but then they stopped. Sal said that his wife used to laugh at the therapist and at him. He said that she laughed at him for crying. Howard said he likes her and he would date her if she was single.
Richard said that Sal's wife got a standing ovation at their show the other night. He said the audience loved her.
Sal said his wife told him he was overreacting when he cried in that therapy session. He said that she was upset about the money they were spending on it too. Sal said that she was more worried about buying new clothes. He said that's when he called off the therapy. Sal said that they've been getting along lately.
Howard asked Sal when his wife kissed him and told him she loves him. Sal said that she did it two days ago when he broke down and flipped out. Sal said that he did it in front of the kids. He said he's never done that in front of the kids before.
Sal said that he's been getting a lot of text messages about the way things are going on the show with Howard going off on him and stuff. Howard asked him who it is that's texting him. Sal said that they're friends of his. Howard said that he wouldn't be friends with people like that if they texted him that stuff. Sal said that his friend Ian was one of them. Sal called him his ''Miserable Jewish friend.'' Howard told Sal to drop him like a hot potato because he's a jealous prick.
Howard said that friends don't rile you up when you're home trying to get over being sick. He told him not to let his friends get him down like that. He told Sal to tell Ian to lose his number and stop texting him. Howard told him to tell Ian to fuck off. He should act like a man.
Sal said that he's basically cutting everyone out of his life lately. Sal said that Ian does make him feel better about his life though. He said that's why he stays friends with him. Howard said that a friend would write to him and tell him he hopes that he feels better. Sal said Ian did that too. Richard said he did that too.
Sal said that he didn't get a text from Howard. Howard told him that he's not his friend so of course he didn't get one from him. Sal said he loves Ian even though he's a miserable prick. Sal said that Ian is a self hating Jew.
Howard asked Sal why he thinks that he's got all of this stuff tumbling down on him. Sal said that it all seems to come from the bad marriage thing. Howard told him that it's over and he should get out.
Robin said that when she ends relationships with people who make her miserable, it's great. She said that her home is a good place to go to when there's no one there making her feel shitty. Sal said that he and his wife do get along though. Sal said that he can't figure it out, no one can figure it out.
Howard asked Sal what it is that he can't figure out. Sal said he can't figure out why he and his wife can't work things out. Howard told him that he's a masochist and he seems to love the pain. Sal said that he's fine now and he's just been focusing on his work lately.
Howard told Sal that he's not okay, he was almost in tears on the Wrap Up Show. Sal said he's just been busy lately.
Howard played some of the Wrap Up Show audio where Sal was talking about how busy he has been with work and how stressful it is. Howard said that Sal was near tears in that clip. They had a new song parody about Sal from the Bleeding Deacons. They sang ''Sal Don't Cry and Whine.''
Howard told Sal and Richard not to try and get every last cent from their audience. Howard said that there are probably 4 people who want the pictures from their web site. Howard said that they shouldn't look like they're trying to grub off the audience. He said they should sell selectively instead of selling all they can.
Richard said that they send out 8x10s that people request and they don't charge for that. Howard said that he doesn't even send out anything like that. Howard said that the audience would respect them more if they didn't have those pictures at all.
Richard said that he's probably one of the only almost celebrities who fills out the envelope as well. He said that the audience gets his autograph and the envelope filled out by him.
Sal told Howard that Richard has his own 143 (I Love You) type of thing now. He made up 423 which is ''Jack Me Off.'' Howard said he had to get out of this discussion when he heard that.
Howard checked out some of the junk Sal and Richard were selling on their web site. He asked how many of those shirts they could have sold. Richard said he's autographed a couple, maybe two or three.
Sal said that they don't want to be looked at as money grubbers. Howard said that they should stop selling that junk then. He said that maybe a couple of items here and there but not a whole web site full of shit. Richard said that they just sell that stuff to pay for the web site. Howard told them to take down the web site all together. Richard said they have to keep it up to show their show dates. Howard said that they could do it in other ways.
Richard said the site is TheRichardAndSalShow.com. They're booked almost every weekend from now until the end of July. They said the stuff they sell on the web site is just paying the guy who designed the site at this point.
Sal said that they're working Thursday nights now and even with that they're not making enough that they have money in the bank. Sal said that he still has nothing. He said they're still paying off credit cards, home equity loans and more. Howard asked what Sal's wife is buying with his money. He told him to sell it all on Tradio if he has to.
Sal said that his wife has at least 30-40 pocket books and he should take pictures of all of that. Richard said that Christine asked his girlfriend what he had bought with all of this money that he was making. Howard said that these guys are just trying to come up with a cushion of money to have for when they really need it and Sal's wife is spending it all.
Howard told Sal to cut up all of his credit cards. Sal said he should because they're all maxed out. Artie said that working that much is a lot of fuckin' work. He said that every weekend until July is crazy.
Sal's friend Ian called in and said that he doesn't text. He said that he called Sal's wife and told her about what Howard was saying about him. Howard asked him what Sal is going to get out of it when he tells him about what they're saying about him. Howard told him that he should use his head and not do that. Ian said that he's the one helping out with Sal and Christine's kids when they're at therapy.
Howard told Sal that he has to dump this guy, he's not a real friend. Sal said he's not going to dump Ian. Sal said that he loves him. Ian told Sal that he was upset that he was Christine's number 2 emotional friend, that's what he was upset about. He chuckled after saying that.
Howard told Ian that he's not a friend. Ian said he felt like he had to let Sal know what Howard was saying about him. Howard said that this guy is a friend like Judas is a friend. Artie said that when he's out people know better than to call him and let him know what they're saying about him.
Richard said that Sal called him the night he was out and he tried to play it down a little. Howard said that Ian is vicious. Ian said he's really not. Howard told him that Sal should get rid of him. Ian didn't think that was the case.
Howard said he had gotten sucked into their world and he wasn't able to get out. He told the guys to conduct themselves like they're tops. He said that they just have to give the people a good show and leave like a star. Howard said that they don't have to be at the bar telling people to go to their web site to get a Tradio t-shirt. Howard said that he hired them because they're funny, not because they make t-shirts.
Howard said that he could probably make a ton of money selling Howard Stern sponges and ridiculous stuff like that but he doesn't want to be that kind of person. Sal said he knows where Howard is coming from but people do like mementos from the show. Howard said that not that many people want that stuff. He said that they don't have to think about bilking the audience out of money. Sal said he's going to take his advice on that.
Howard said that maybe they should go out and write a book or something. Richard said they could write a book about how to make prank calls. Howard said that no one is going to buy a book like that. He told them that their thinking is all wrong.
Howard said if he was going to sell t-shirts he would go into business with Calvin Klein. Richard said that they are high quality shirts. Robin said that the stuff they put on them makes them shit though. Robin said that people don't just slap their names in big block letters on a t-shirt.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said that Howard is absolutely right and he's way too nice to them. Melrose asked if Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld or Craig Gass do anything like that. He was saying that they're all brilliant comedians. Artie asked how Craig Gass got on that list. Melrose said that he thinks he's brilliant. Howard said that Craig is probably in his basement making t-shirts right now.
Howard talked about the pictures they take of you at Disney and charge people to buy them. Howard said that Sal and Richard shouldn't be in that business. Melrose said that he wants to buy a picture from Sal and Richard. He asked how much it was and said he wanted to pay for it with Jewish money. Richard said he thinks that the pictures are $15 regular and $20 autographed.
Howard said that he wants these guys to make money but this might not be the right plan. Artie said that charging more for the autograph looks bad. He told them to stop with that at least.
Howard said that people come to him all the time telling him that he could sell tons of t-shirts. He knows he could but that's not what he's looking to do.
Melrose was about to say something but Howard cut him off in the middle of a sentence as he hung up on him. He told Sal and Richard to get out of there too. They played them out with Sal's song ''Beat My Wife'' which is about throwing his wife down a stairwell among other things. Howard wondered if Sal brought that song to therapy with him.
Howard said that Beth gets that same thing where people ask her what he's buying her with all of that money he makes. Howard said that Beth is great about that though and she'd be embarrassed if he was doing that. Howard said he put a stop to that stuff. Howard said that he tells Beth about all of the people in her life who aren't her real friends.
Robert Schimmel Visits. 01/28/10. 8:45am
After the break we heard a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a public access show. Fred played Cheap Trick's ''I Want You To Want Me'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said he was on the web site for the morning show coach. He said they give a tip for free. He read about what they think drives ratings. Howard said they say that with Valentine's day they can do ''ghosts of Valentine's day past'' to get guys to call in and apologize to women in their past. Howard said that's a sure ratings grabber there. He said that they say doing anything with cute sounding kids is another tip. They suggest going out and asking kids what they think about what's going on that day.
Howard tried to use his megaphone to do a little kid impression but it wasn't working so he had to bang on it to get it to work. Howard said he's going to start a consulting business. He said he's going to suggest getting good looking kids and put them in bikinis. He said they could get them to answer the phones for the radio stations too. Howard did the impression of the kid thing and had some WNBC jingles to go along with it. Howard was goofing on their lame ideas for a minute before moving on to Robert Schimmel.
Howard had Robert Schimmel come in to talk about the mess that is his life. Howard said he's been going through hell lately. Robin said she sees it as a new stand-up act. Howard said he thinks Bob looks good but everyone was saying he lost too much weight.
Bob came in wearing an overcoat so Robin asked if he was cold. Bob said he was cold. Howard said that's all Bob has left. Bob said that he saves 50 bucks not having to check his luggage now. Howard told him to spit out his gum too. He said he was yelling at him like he was in school. Bob said that everyone else is yelling at him so why not.
Howard said he has to blame Bob in a way. He said he got cancer and seduced his daughter's friend and ended up leaving his wife for her. Howard said the wife caught him in bed with her. Bob said she was just siting on the bed. He said the marriage was already in trouble by then. Howard said dating his daughters friend isn't a good idea.
Bob said that this is basically Howard's ''I told you so.'' Howard said it is. Bob said a lot of people told him this was a bad idea. Robin said he had a kid with this woman too. Bob said he didn't know he could have kids anymore because he was told that the Chemo killed that.
Howard said that Bob's wife was really hot. He asked him what went wrong. He said that Bob married his daughter's best friend and something went on. Bob said that his daughter and his wife were getting along great. Bob said he had to apologize to his first wife. He said he had problems in that marriage but now he looks back and it looks like a marriage made in heaven compared to this marriage. Bob said that he owes her an apology for that. He said he never went on the road wondering what Vicky was doing at home. He knew she was taking care of the kids. He said that wheat he did to her is what happened to him. Bob said it came right around and bit him in the ass. Bob said that he's really sorry and he knows that she's listening to the show.
Bob said he just turned 60 2 weeks ago and he's done with marriage. He said there won't be another wife. Howard said he sees him getting married again. Bob said he'd put money on that now.
Bob said he has a 6 year old, a 4 year old, an 11 year old and a 32 year old. Bob said he also has a granddaughter.
Howard asked Bob what happened with Melissa, his latest wife. Bob said he felt like they were meant to meet each other and they were soul mates. He said he thinks that she cared about him in a way but not the way he cared about her. Bob said that she may have looked at him as a cell mate, not a soul mate. Howard asked why she married him then. Bob said that she was working in a clothing store and she may have seen his name in bright lights and that turned her on to him. Bob said he was a celebrity to her. He said he was the Jim Carrey of Phoenix at the time. He said that when he brought her to L.A. She found out there were younger guys and he was like her ticket out of Phoenix.
Bob said that if he had been more successful with a TV show then maybe she would have loved him a little bit more, a little bit longer.
Howard asked bob if he's bankrupt. Bob said that it's not official but the IRS has taken all of the money out of his bank account. He said that he just found out that she had been taking some money and put it somewhere else. He said that she wasn't even supposed to have other accounts. He said that it's community property in California.
Howard said the wife was hot. Bob said he would have taken a bullet for her. He said that she fell for the neighbor. He said that he called her one night when he was on th road and she said she was sleeping. He got a call from his 18 year old daughter and she told him that Melissa was in the room with the neighbor with the door closed.
Bob said that he ended up being arrested. He said he didn't hit anyone but he got hit. He said that Melissa hit him. He said that the neighbor thing went on for 7 or 8 months. He said his daughter told him that every time she went over there the guy was there. Bob said his manager told him the guy was there. Everyone was telling him that he was over all the time. He figured she was just friends with him. bob said he didn't think she could do that to him so he thought they were just friends.
Bob showed Howard some pictures of what he looked like after she allegedly beat him up. He showed some marks on him and defied Howard to get any pictures of her with marks on her.
Bob said that his wife had set up her phone to show that she was getting calls from her mother and friends and not from this guy. He looked into the phone bill and found out that they were texting each other 50 times a day. Bob said that the guy was hiding it all from his wife as well. He said that his wife told him that they were just friends and nothing happened. He said that she explained the texts and stuff and said that she would be upset too. Bob said that there are other things that happened that he can't talk about but it would convince everyone.
Bob said that he woke up at 2 in the morning one time and she went downstairs and found her talking to the guy on the couch. Bob said they said they were just talking about him. He said he asked her what was going on and she said that they were just talking. This was at like 2 or 3 in the morning. Howard said that's absurd. He said he had to be suspicious.
Bob said he went back to bed and an hour later the guy came up and nudged him asking him if everything was cool. Bob said that this guy ruined his whole fucking life. He said that the guys' wife ended up calling the house and asked if he was over there. bob said he got the call and they were still on the couch talking so he told the neighbor that his wife just called and said she was on her way over there. then there was banging on the door. He said that Melissa started to run upstairs. He asked what she was doing and Melissa said she didn't want the wife seeing her.
Bob said that the fucking neighbor pretended to be sleeping on the couch there. He said he woke up pretending he didn't know where he was. Bob said he told the wife that he didn't want him there anymore.
Howard said that Bob had cancer and he needs to have some peace and quiet in his life. He said that he must secretly like this on some level. Bob said Howard is wrong about this. He said he doesn't like it at all. Howard said he's always had commotion in his life. bob said he knows that but he doesn't like it.
Bob said that he thinks that his wife wanted out because if she didn't want to get caught, she wouldn't have been texting this guy. He said he was bound to find out. Bob said he would see his wife go out for milk at 9 at night and she wouldn't return until midnight. He said the neighbor's car would come back around the same time.
Bob told Howard that Melissa took an art class and she had to find a model. That model turned out to be the neighbor. Bob said that he wanted to out the guy on Howard's show but he knows he can't do it. Bob said that his wife had some urinary tract infections and she claimed it was from wiping the wrong way. He wondered if it was from wiping from next door to his house.
Bob told Howard about another time his wife was in Vegas and asked him to get her in to the Luxor with a VIP pass to get her and another boyfriend into the place. Bob said she had to be kidding with that. Bob said that she told him that they were supposed to be working on an amicable relationship. Bob said that she called him and asked where he would take her if they were going to go some place nice. He said he would take her to the desert like in the movie Casino where Joe Pesci took Al Pacino. He said his wife said ''See, that's why we can't be friends.''
Bob said his attorney wants him to take the high road in all of this. He said that she's trying to mediate this all for them. He said that Melissa's lawyer quit because she's being totally unreasonable. He said that she's making him have supervised visits with the kids. He said that he had the kids half the time but he had to have them supervised. He said that she's got errands to run for a few hours and he ends up with the kids for days.
Bob said that the kids want to live with him and they tell him that. He said that his first wife was a great mother and he thinks that his son was better off living there. He said that he's not in love with her but he does have respect for her.
Howard asked Bob how many times he married that first wife. bob said it was 3 times. Howard asked if he'll marry Melissa again. Bob said no. Howard didn't believe it. He said he thinks he'll marry her again.
Bob told Howard that he's talking about this stuff on this show because Howard has been very supportive of him over the years. He said that he's been great to him. Howard said that he has to give Bob some plugs so he can make some money. He has to go out and work his ass off now.
Bob said that he told his wife that if she was in love with the other guy he can't work past that. He said that if it was just physical then he could work through it. He said she doesn't even want to go to a therapist. Bob said he asked her what he could do so she can like him the way she likes that guy. Bob said that she told him that the other guy was a real man and he wasn't and that's why they can't be together. Bob said that things were good for a while and he's not sure what happened.
Howard said Bob thought that Melissa was cheating with the pottery guy too. Bob said that he doesn't think that was the case now.
Bob told Howard about how he wanted to take one of his kids to a club one time and Melissa said he couldn't take one without the other. Bob said that he told her that he can't have the 4 year old there so he got her a hotel room next to his. Bob said that she was getting texts from two different guys that night. Bob said that if she wants to be with someone else that's fine. He said it can't happen in front of the kids. He said he wants her to call him to drop the kids off with him if she wants to get laid. Bob said it's just not right to do that.
Ralph called in and said that it sounds terrible but he does sound like a woman asking what he can do to be better. He said that he shouldn't even be talking to the woman now. Bob said he has to deal with her for at least 14 more years. Bob said that he can't tell her to go fuck herself every time they see each other. Ralph said he has to put his foot down with her. Howard said he did that and he got beat up. Ralph said this is why you don't get married. He said you bang them and move on.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she heard a story from a woman who claimed that she lost her virginity to Bob Schimmel. She said that the woman said that he would practice his stand-up in front of her. Bob said he didn't know he was going to do stand-up until 1979. The woman said that this was just two summers ago that she heard the story. Howard bailed out on the story.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that his wife cheated on him and he found texts that she wrote about how she felt after banging the guy. Howard said that must really hurt.
Bob said that he loves his kids and he spends more time with them than he did with the son that he lost to cancer. He said that he now has a woman who keeps the kids from him for half the year. He said that he can't do a reconciliation now. He said that he was begging for one but he had to give up. He said he wanted to do it for the kids. Bob said he didn't want the kids feeling like they were to blame but the wife won't do it.
The caller said that he went through the same kind of stuff that Bob did. He said that Bob has to say fuck her and move on. Howard said bob needs a new girlfriend. Bob said that's not what he needs at his age. He said he'd meet her at the nursing home if he did.
Bob said that he had a lot going on when he met Melissa. He had a TV show in the works and the CD was selling well and he was doing well with the stand-up. He said that all kind of went away and things fell apart.
Howard asked Bob if he takes any responsibility in this break up. Bob said that he's not sure what he could have done better to make it work. He said maybe she didn't want to be staying home and taking care of the kids while he was out on the road to do that. He said he was out on the road a lot and they weren't planning on having kids. He said that she was going to travel on the road with him until the first kid came along.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was the neighbor and Melissa was a pain in the ass. He said that bob should get rid of that damn bitch. Bob said that if it was him he'd be happy. The guy was pretending to be black. Bob said that Jews and blacks are the same, just turned inside out.
Bob said he didn't come on the show to be sad. He said his friend got him some stuff called Check Mate that shows when there is semen present. He said you put it in your woman's panties and it shows if there's any in there. Bob said that he didn't want to do that because he knew he'd get caught. Bob said that you can't say it's anything else other than what's going on. He said that he's end up getting startled and splash the stuff on her and her mouth and tits would turn blue.
Howard asked if he ever tired that stuff. He said he didn't but he did have a DNA test done on the kids. He said people would tell him that Sam didn't look like him. He said that it turned out that the kids were his. Bob said his wife asked him what Identagene was and he told her it was a clothing store.
Howard asked what he would have done if the kids weren't his. He said it was too late because he already loved the kids. He said he wouldn't have even told her he knew that they weren't his.
Bob said that the neighbor was so comfortable that he would just walk into the house and go to the fridge to get a beer. Then he'd sit on the couch and his wife would come down and sit next to that guy, not next to him. Howard said that's nuts.
A caller told Bob that Robin should take one for the team and sleep with Bob. Howard said that sounded like a good idea. Bob said that maybe they can go share a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and then fuck. He said he can't front the money for the condom either because he doesn't have that money either.
Howard gave Bob some plugs for his album and DVD and stuff like that. You can find out more at RobertSchimmel.com.
Bob said that he's going to tell Howard something that only 6 people know. He said that he needs a liver transplant. He said that's why he looks so bad and that's why he wears a big coat. He said that Melissa went to the meetings with him and she knew that he needed to go to the meetings for that. Bob said that he needs the transplant because he has cirrhosis of the liver. He said he got a transfusion in the 60s and he had Hepatitis C. He said he had Chemo and it's been a mess over the years. He said he has to be reevaluated to go on the list for a new liver. He said that he should be okay for a while. He said he's not going to die today or tomorrow. Bob said that he was almost on the list but he had to be in remission for 2 years before he gets on the list. Bob said they told him he needed a liver and gave him a cell phone so they could contact him to let him know that he had to get there as soon as possible.
Bob said he was on stage one time and he got the call. He said the phone was vibrating and he figured he had to tell the audience what was going on. It turned out to be someone from AT&T telling him that they were just checking on his service.
Bob said that you can get a liver from a living donor. He said that the survival rate is much higher with that. He said that his ex-wife Vicky is a perfect donor but he won't even ask her to donate. He said that he doesn't want someone to die just so he can get a liver but if you live in Phoenix or California, check off the donor section on your driver's license. Bob said that he wouldn't take his kid's liver either. Howard said he's worried about him. Bob said that he doesn't have to worry about it. He said he knew that if he let it out then people could cancel his bookings. He said that he took a big chance doing this on the air. Bob said that someone has to take the chance.
Howard asked if anything could go any worse for him. Bob wondered what kind of joke he could end this with. Bob said that he told his father he was going to do this and his father said that people get through this kind of thing and this is what he would do.
Bob's belly was distended from the liver thing. Howard asked how long he can go with that failing liver. Bob said he's not sure. He said he can't say.
Ralph called in again and said this was horrible. He said that he's going to have to take a 10 minute break so everyone can recover. Howard said he doesn't want to hear Bob's name again after the break. He doesn't want anyone being bummed out the rest of the day.
Bob said that people wanted to hear this story from him today and he told everyone they had to sign up for Howard to hear it.
Howard said Bob is a great comedian, maybe not on the show today, but he is great. He gave him some plugs for his appearance at Comix in New York City this weekend. Then a caller told Howard that he would give Bob his liver. He was smoking a bong at the time. Bob said he wouldn't mind but the people who do the liver donations might mind. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Richard Christy's Disturbing Vacation Stories. 07/16/07. 9:15am
After the break we heard a classic Captain Janks prank phone call where he called and made a pledge to a charity as Kathie Lee Gifford. Howard had George do a quick announce when they came back. George did that quickly and then Howard said he wants to see the new Die Hard movie. He also wants to see the new Transformers movie. George said that Ratatouille was wonderful. Howard said he's not sure he wants to see that but George was raving about how great it was. Artie said he went to see Oceans 13 and liked Al Pacino in it but they do go a little too far with trying to out do the other ones.
Howard said that he heard Richard yelled at some kid in a theater recently. Richard said he and Jon Hein and JD went to see Transformers and this guy brought these two kids, who were probably 3 or 4 years old, to the movie. The little girl was crying and the guy let the kid run up and down the aisle to calm her down. Richard said he got so fed up he just started yelling at him to get the kid out of there and the guy actually got up and left.
Howard heard that Richard went down to Atlantic City and did a comedy show and Beetlejuice ended up in his room. He said that they ordered a pizza and Richard and his girlfriend ended up passing out drunk before the pizza showed up. The next morning the pizza box was there but Beetlejuice disappeared. Howard said he could never fall asleep in the same room with Beetlejuice being there. Richard said that he opened the box and saw that the pizza was almost gone but Beet must have paid for it and ate it himself.
Richard said he never saw Beetlejuice until they were getting ready to leave. When he opened the door Beetlejuice was just standing there staring at the door. Gary said that Richard took a Greyhound bus down there and they had all kinds of disgusting things going on when they were coming back. Richard said that it was $31 round trip and they give you $20 when you get there so it's like an $11 trip. He said that he thinks that they should do the next Survivor on a bus going across country.
Richard said he got stuck listening to some old dude with no teeth who was telling him about this book about religion that he wrote. Richard said he got stuck next to that guy on the way home and his girlfriend had to sit somewhere else. Then Richard said he pretended to fall asleep while the guy was talking but then this woman threw up as she was walking down the aisle. He was sitting right near the bathroom so he got to hear her puking for about 10 minutes.
Howard said he heard that Joey Boots was on the Superfan Roundtable talking about how he had made out with Richard one time. Richard said they just touched tongues but he didn't remember the whole thing. Howard went on to play the clip from Superfan Roundtable where Joey talked about how he and Richard just touched tongues. He said they just twirled their tongues around a little, that was it.
George Takei Plays Guess What's In Sal's Pouch. 07/16/07. 9:30am
Howard and the guys talked to Richard about the gay stuff he does and how they think that he might be gay or at least bi-sexual. Richard doesn't think he is gay though. That led to Sal coming in to play a game of ''Guess What's In My Pouch'' where he sticks something in his uncircumcised penis pouch. Richard explained the game and told him that they could have a guitar pick, a battery or a set of fake teeth inside the skin at the end of his penis. Sal said he would like George to touch it and try to figure out what's in there. George went over and felt his balls so Sal had to ask him to touch the right spot.
George felt Sal's balls and then felt the area where he had something in the pouch. George thought it was one tooth so they had him feeling Sal's penis over and over again. Howard thought Sal was getting hard but he claimed he was actually getting smaller. Sal eventually pulled the item out of his pouch and it turned out to be a battery. Sal and Richard started cracking up but George seemed amazed at the things they do there.
Howard told Sal to try again by shoving something else in that pouch. George said he's had some feelings about these guys being gay. He said his gaydar goes off with them. Sal was cracking up as he was shoveling the next item in his pouch. He told George what could be in there and had him feeling his cock. George wasn't sure where he had the thing so Sal told him it was in his penis. George had the choices of Breath Mint, Toy Teeth or Guitar Pick. George guessed it was a breath mint but it turned out to be the toy teeth. George seemed amazed that he was able to fit that whole thing inside his penis pouch. Then Sal took the teeth and put them in his mouth.
Howard asked George why it was so hard to figure out. Sal is able to fit in some really bit things in there. Sal shoved yet another thing in there but Artie wasn't watching and wasn't saying a word. Sal told George he had the choice of a pen cap, paper clip or a screw. George felt his pouch again and said that it was a paper clip. Sal took out a screw. George thought that must have been painful but Sal didn't seem to have a problem shoving in that pouch of his.
Howard said he'd like to rename the game to ''Can we get George Takei to touch Sal's penis.'' Will asked George if that could be considered cheating. George said it's all for fun and Brad is listening so he knows what's going on there. George told Sal he had no idea that Sal had such a versatile cock. Howard couldn't believe that George played that game.
An Update On Sal's Marriage Problems. 06/19/07. 7:20am
A phone caller said he almost pissed his pants when he saw the show on Howard TV where they woke Artie up with the air horn. Howard said he had a few other things to play but also asked Sal if he had any updates on his marriage. Sal came in and said that today's update is that there are going to be no more updates. He said that they went to therapy yesterday and they're still working things out. He's not going to speak on behalf of his wife anymore. She's not ready to come in to talk about it herself yet. He said that he made a big mistake by opening his big mouth on the show last week without talking to her about it first.
Sal said that he has this new mantra. He said that whenever he thinks about his wife he thinks of respect and love and that stops him from doing anything to fuck up their relationship. He said that from now on that's what it's all about, respect and love. He said he's not going to talk about her on the air anymore, it's up to her to come on the air to talk about it.
Sal said that they were up until about 1 in the morning talking. He said that she was upset about him bringing this up on the air last week and he was talking about her betrayal. Gary told Howard where the songs are that Sal had written and performed in the past. Howard played the song ''My Wife'' where he sings about all of the things she does to him that drives him nuts. He sings about snapping her neck and things like that in a joking way of course.
A caller told Sal that he's wasting his time going to therapy. He said it's like pissing in the wind. Sal said it's not over, they're working things out. Howard started to play the Bleeding Deacons song about Sal but cut it off because it was so brutal. He played another one of Sal's songs about his wife and cut that off because he was so brutal with his own wife. Sal said it was just a parody song and that's what you do in songs like that. Howard continued to play the song where Sal sings about how his wife married him just for his money and stuff like that.
Sal said that he's learned something about women. He said that it's amazing how when you're with your wife you just want them to have great sex with you and you'll be willing to do anything for them. He said that if you don't treat them right, they have no problem running right out to fuck some other guy even though they're not willing to fuck their husband. He said that there are women out there at bars hitting on guys and then running out to the parking lot to call and see how their kids are doing. Sal said that wasn't him that he was talking about, that's just what he's learned.
Eric the Midget called in to defend Sal. He said that he saw him recently and he was very cool with him. He asked Howard to lay off of him and his wife. He said that they should let them just deal with things themselves. Howard hung up on him and took some more calls. A woman said that guys eventually get sick of their wives and that's a normal thing in a marriage. Sal said that his wife has made it clear to him that it's going to take time for her to gain her trust back. Sal said he's made her second fiddle for a long time now and he knows that's wrong. Howard let him say that and then played more of his song parody about his wife. Howard said he sounds brainwashed to him. Sal said he has a lot of love and respect for his wife and he doesn't want to ruin that.
Robin said that she thinks that Sal will give it his all and his wife will eventually let him off the hook and then Sal will give up. Howard asked him if he's helping out around the house more now. Sal said when he goes home and does try to help out and asks her how he can help. Howard let out a little laugh when he heard that. He said he helps her out with whatever he can. Howard said she seemed to have enough time to text her ''emotional friend'' when she was home alone. Howard told Sal that maybe he should ask her about that. Sal said that he's not going there though. He said he knows what he needs to do to try and make things better. He said that he helps out with dinner and taking care of the kids and things like that. He said he does his thing for the show and then goes to bed.
Robin said that the test will be when Sal tries to do the Christmas picture this year. If he can avoid doing anything goofy, he'll probably be okay. Sal kept saying ''respect and love'' during the conversation and that's what he thinks about whenever the guys bring this stuff up.
Howard thought that Sal must be taking lessons from Gary or something but Sal said he's not. He said that Gary and his wife are in that routine now and they're just going through the motions and he doesn't think that it's all that great for him. Gary said that's not true and they're getting along better than ever. He threw in a little dig by saying ''143'' to him. He also mentioned the ''emotional friend'' thing again. The two of them went back and forth a little bit.
Howard told Sal he thinks that they really should try to patch things up. Sal has been a jackass lately but Fred pointed out that he's always been a jackass and that's the guy she married. She should have known that. Howard went to break a short time later.
Yet Another KC Survey. 5/30/03. 8:40am
Howard came back from break and had some Van Halen playing in the background. He said those guys really do need to get back together and do some stuff. Gary was in the studio so they could do KC's latest survey. They all like doing these things for some reason. Here are the questions KC had and the winners of each one:
Today's special was over around 10:25am.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Sal and Richard coming in and Howard talking about Richard's birthday. Jon asked if Richard still does the same thing that he described in that segment. Richard said he does. He said he's been doing it since he lived in Missouri. He went over that whole thing again. He said he just tries to enjoy his favorite things. He said his wife loves it too. He said that she loves Papa John's. He said he gets New York pizza the rest of the year but that one day he gets Papa John's.
Benjy said it's probably fun and more special to get the Papa John's because it's just that one time a year. Richard said it brings back memories. He said some people don't like the taste but he does. He said he thinks he's been doing it for 16 or 17 years now. Richard said he just did it one day for the hell of it. Richard said pizza is like a celebration. He said that's what you had as a kid.
Sal said pizza means getting whacked in the back of the head and being humiliated in front of strangers. He said he actually loves pizza. He said now it's totally different. He said he makes pizza at home on the grill. He said walking into a pizza place he wants to walk in and take kids out of there if he sees them working back behind the counter. Sal said he can look in their eye and he can feel for them. He feels like he has to save these people.
Jon said he saw that look when they went to a pizzeria once. Sal said there's something that gets to him when he sees that. He had to work in one for his father when he was growing up. Richard said he should start a show called Pizza Intervention or Pizza Rescue.
Richard said there was this amazing place called Pizza Napoli downstairs but it went out of business. He said he suggested to Sal that he and his dad open up a store there. Richard said Sal was afraid his dad would be up at Sirius yelling at him to get down there. Sal said he'd have to get down there to do the prep work. He said that's what they did when he was young. Sal said his dad had him watching people making everything because he wanted to fire everyone and have him do it all. He said that he had his own tricks as a kid. He said he'd take money from his dad while he was showering to get paid for the stuff his dad was making him do for free.
Sal said he's not opening a place downstairs. He said he'd like to open a pizza truck some day. Jon asked why that is. Sal said he'd like to have that because you can't fit that many people in it. That way his dad can't get in. Jon asked if he would involve his dad. Sal said he would try to do it on the sneak the best he could. Sal said he knows it would be a catastrophe. He said he'd get his dad into it and it would turn into hell. He said the nightmares would all come back. Sal said his dad is like a psychotic meth head. He said once he starts working he can't think straight. Sal said he becomes an evil guy.
Benjy asked if he could run a business. Sal said he did have that ability. He said he could turn a place from a failing business into a pizza place making money in a few months. He said that he had the rest of the family working for free there though.
Sal said that now that his dad is retired he's much nicer. He said he's a good person but put him in that environment and it's not good.
Jon asked Richard if he and his dad bond over anything. Richard said hunting and fishing is something they bonded over. He said they were supportive of his drumming too. He said they didn't mind that it was metal either. He said they weren't really into any kind of music so they didn't hold it against him that he was into that heavy metal stuff. He said his mom took him to a Stryper concert for the first time.
Jon asked Benjy if he bonded that way. Benjy said he and his mom liked talk radio. He said they liked Benny Hill too. He said it was that and the Tonight Show and things like that. He said it was fun to see his dad laugh at that stuff.
Jon said so many dads bonded over The Odd Couple and things like that. Jon said he watched cartoons and his dad would laugh his ass off. He said that was great. He said he wondered why he was laughing so much.
Benjy said he'd see his parents cracking up and laughing and that was the best. Sal said he never saw his dad laugh. He said that he didn't watch that kind of stuff. Sal said he's never seen his dad enjoy TV at all.
Benjy said in Howard's movie Private Parts they showed people cracking up at the show and it's such a great connection.
Jon said Artie would always talk about The Honeymooners. He said that he'd get caught up in that too because he was so into it.
Richard said he and his parents loved the Andy Griffith show. He said he loved the haunted house episode. Sal said he loved the Little Rascals haunted house episode too.
Richard said his mom knew he liked horror movies and she'd wake him up to watch stuff in the middle of the night.
Sal said that his parents took him to see some strange stuff. He said he went to see Saturday Night Fever at a drive in. Jon said that he saw the R version with his mom and it was weird. He said he saw Caddyshack and Up In Smoke with his parents. He said he found it funny for different reasons than his parents did.
Jon said that his parents took him to see History of the World Part 1 and that was very strange. He said his wife's parents took her to see Kentucky Fried Movie thinking it was a light comedy.
Richard said he and his parents bonded over Steve Martin and The Jerk. He said that his grandmother came with them to see that and she didn't know what the blow job reference meant so she actually asked what it meant. Richard said they used to bring that up at every family reunion for years after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Sal how the situation is today with his wife. Sal said they're doing really good. He said it's going exceptionally well. Jon asked if there's any friction between his wife now that he has his other wives Richard and Larry Caputo. Sal said his wife really likes Larry. He said that they all get along really well. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said Jason is very weary about the ownership. Jason said Michael Strahan has to be there on draft day. That's what he's demanding.
Jon asked JD if he bonded with his parents by going to movies and stuff. JD said he went to see Hoffa with his dad. He said he wanted to see it and his dad brought him. He said he was laughing every time they cursed in that. JD said he saw Private Parts with his mother. He said that was kind of awkward when Jenna Jameson came on screen topless. He said his mom took him to see Eyes Wide Shut too. He said she sat a few rows back for that.
Benjy asked how old he was when he saw Eyes Wide Shut. JD said he was older. He said he knew what it was about. JD said he doesn't think she was much of a fan of it though.
Sal said that it was the greatest moment when he was exposed to a curse word in a movie. He said he thought it was so cool.
Jason said he learned the power of making people angry. He said he saw this movie called My Science Project. He said that was fun for a kid to see. He said he they walked into a museum and one of the kids says ''It's god-fucking-zilla'' when he saw a dinosaur. He said he walked around the house repeating that and really upset his mother.
Richard said the first movie where you see bush is great too. He said he saw Barbara Hershey's bush in a horror movie.
Jon said he loved seeing the Bad News Bears movie with his dad. He said he loved seeing that. Benjy said that Crocodile Dundee had a thong in it so that was shocking to him.
Richard said there were some great scenes in The Woman In Red. Benjy said there must be kids growing up now who would be freaked out seeing that stuff from back then. They must wonder what that is.
Richard said Trading Places was great too. Jon said that's very memorable. Jon said Fast Times at Ridgemont High was great too. Sal said he can still whack off to that one. He said he can spackle some walls with that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has some younger kids and he showed them Jaws. He said his 6 year old runs around the house saying ''Smile you son of a bitch.''
Benjy asked if they remember how old they were when they realized what intercourse was. Richard said it was probably when his buddy jerked off around him. Jason said when he was 9 or 10 he found his dad's porn collection. He said he will never forget it. He said the guy put his dick in a woman and his friend started yelling that he knew it went in. He said that's when he figured it out.
Sal said his first experience was with a 976 number. He said that he would call and he thought that the sex was done in the shower or something. He said she'd be talking about how wet she was and he thought she was wet from a shower or a bath.
The guys wondered how Sal got away with calling a number like that. Sal said he's not sure about that. He said they'd call from his friend's house at times though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has a 4 and 8 year old and he swears around them all the time. He said his 8 year old is finding boobie movies on Netflix all the time. He said he doesn't care that they swear. He said his wife is worse than he is with the swearing too. Jon said if they're comfortable with it then there's nothing wrong with it. He said they may catch shit at school though.
Benjy wondered if there's a line for kids as far as what they should be watching. Jon said he's sure there is. Jason said it seems like every girl by the age of 14 has seen porn by that age. He said when he was growing up no one saw it until college. Jon said his kids had a computer in their room and if you make something taboo then they're going to find it. He said that if you sit down with them and talk about it then maybe they won't care so much about it.
Benjy said he thinks that every kid is going to see porn growing up now that it's so easy to get it. Jon said that Sal is going to discover it with his kids. Sal said he knows. He said he's surprised at what his kids find on YouTube. He said they watch all kinds of weird stuff. Jon said they had to go to break after that.
Jason said he was at Rutgers eating lunch and he heard Robert on the show for the first time with his daughter. He said that he was talking about leaving his wife for his daughter's best friend. He said that was one of those moments where he couldn't get up. He said his life was crazy and the way he talked about it was honest and funny.
Shuli said he was the master of making comedy out of his pain and tragedy. Jon said that you think it's a bit but it turns out it's a chapter out of his life.
Benjy said Schimmel's mother was a holocaust survivor and she was on the show. He asked if that woman at the end was the friend of his daughter's. Jason said it was. He said that they heard everything over time about how he met her and had a kid and then everything falling apart.
Jon said that Schimmel revealed he needed a liver in that segment this morning. Benjy asked if he ever got it. The guys told him that he died in a car accident.
Jason said that Robin had Bob in her death pool and Bob freaked out over that. Jon said that Bob talked about how he had that spirit to live like Robin does. He said that Schimmel had that deep, somber voice and that made it even more across the board. He said he really loved it when he was on the show.
Shuli said that Bob also lost a son to cancer. He said he did a joke about his son and the Make a Wish Foundation in his act. He said that's kind of their therapy to make light of things like that in their act.
Jon asked Sal if he could pick how he goes, how would he want to go. Sal said he'd like to go in his sleep. Jon asked what the worst way would be. Sal said the worst way would be being eaten by a shark or a bear or something. Maybe a car accident. Benjy asked if his son did him in. Sal said his brain doesn't go there.
Jon asked JD how he'd want to die. JD said he'd like to go in his sleep. Jon asked about the worst way. JD said in a way he'd have to suffer a lot. He said he doesn't want to be in pain. JD said he doesn't want to put that certain thing out there.
Jason asked if he'd rather drown or burn in a fire. JD couldn't pick. Jason asked if he'd rather be shot from a distance or be stabbed up close. JD wasn't able to pick in that either.
Jon asked Richard about how he'd like to go. Richard said he has a feeling about how he might go. He said he runs a lot and he has come close to getting run over. He said that scares the hell out of him. He said there are times when you think it's a one way street and it's a two way street. Jon said you may not suffer in that. Richard said that's not how he wants to go but that might be how he does. Richard said drowning might be okay but it's really not okay. He said he has had really good friends who passed away from drowning.
Benjy said that it seems peaceful to drown. He said there's something beautiful about the water. Sal said his dad almost drown him in a pool. He said his dad took him in and put him on the ledge. He said he just went in to go to his dad and he went straight down. He said he didn't know how to swim. Sal said he was almost at peace in there. He said it was no big deal. Then his dad swooped in and got him out of the pool. He said it wasn't that bad so Benjy might be right.
Shuli asked JD about almost drowning in a shallow pool. JD said he almost drown in a pool as a kid. He said he was at some after care thing or something and people were standing around not doing anything. He said he's not sure how he got back up.
Jon said he got swept out in Atlantic City once and there was nothing peaceful about that. Jason said he had a panic moment in a pool and he fears drowning now. He said it's not peaceful to him at all.
Benjy said he used to ride his dad's back in a pool and it was a very happy time for him. He said that might be why he looks at it that way. Richard said that there are things that are more peaceful than others.
Jason said Benjy got to live out a death in Sharknado 2. He said he was eaten by a shark. Jon had Shuli do his Howard 100 News preview. He mentioned that Howie Mandel gave Riley Martin a shout out on America's Got Talent last night. He ran down a few other stories they had coming up and then the guys wrapped up and ended the show. They were done around 11:25am.
George Takei In Trouble Over Pouch Game. 07/17/07. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: Prank call using Eric the Midget clips, Joe Walsh performing ''Rocky Mountain Way'' live at a Howard Stern birthday show.
Howard started off the show saying that George Takei was sitting in this week. He said that George did something on the show yesterday that got him into trouble with his boyfriend Brad. George said that Brad asked him which hand he used with Sal yesterday when he played ''Guess What's In Sal's Pouch.'' He was very sullen all day yesterday. Howard told George that all of them have gone through the same thing with their wives and girlfriends.
George said that it wasn't sexual when he was touching Sal's penis during that game. Howard said he's told his women the same thing when he's touched other women. Howard said he had some audio from the Wrap Up Show yesterday where George thought it wasn't going to be a big deal. He played that clip and George says that he had spoken to Brad and Brad said that they had to talk about what happened when he got back to the hotel.
Artie told George a story about going on vacation and running across an old Howard Stern E! show where he was grabbing some chick's tits and Dana saw it just as they were about to have sex. He knows how he feels.
George said that Brad told him that he wanted to walk out like Artie did during that show yesterday but he just kept listening. Howard wondered if Brad was going to get back at him by touching someone else's penis. George said he did say something about thinking that Richard Christy was cute. Howard and Robin suggested that he let Brad come in and touch Richard's penis. George said he doesn't want that to happen. He said he had to plead with Brad to have lunch with him yesterday after that all went down. He really didn't want to go with him.
George said that Brad was so upset that he didn't even go with him to pick up some tickets to a show they were going to go to. He said it really wasn't a sexual thing though and he doesn't think it was that big of a deal. Robin said that it was great when he said he wanted another go at it yesterday. George said that's no longer on and he won't be playing that game again.
Howard played a theme song for the game ''Guess What's In Sal's Pouch'' from Mike Morse. Howard said they were going to have George play a new game where he'd go fishing in Sal's asshole for items called ''asshole fishing.'' Howard said that George was really innocent in all of that and just doing it for the good of the show.
George said that sex is out this week because of that whole thing. He said that their one day a week sex is out and he had to sleep on the couch last night. He said he thinks he'll be okay tonight though. He said that time heals all. Howard asked George if he was going to apologize to Brad on the air. George said he won't apologize because he doesn't feel he did anything wrong. He also said that Brad isn't going to be listening this morning but he will be reading the rundown on the internet.
George said he is sorry if he hurt his feelings but it may have been misinterpreted. He said this shows that Brad really cares about him. George said he's already told Brad all of that and he doesn't need to do it on the air. He said that he tried to kiss him yesterday but he turned his face so he only got his cheek. This morning he got a kiss on the lips. Howard heard that and said he was going to throw up. Artie said that means that ass fuckin' must be right around the corner then.
George said that it's very meaningful that Brad is hurt. Howard asked George if Brad would come in and play the game with Sal to get even. George said he doesn't like to go public and he probably wouldn't play. Brad was pointing out that it was national radio that he did it on yesterday. Artie said that he thought George was the girl in the relationship but now he feels that Brad is. He told George that the worst thing is when they have someone interpreted that stuff for them and it gets all twisted around.
Howard took some phone calls and Gay Ramone called in and asked if George or Brad have ever had anal contractions after getting fucked up the ass. He explained that and said that it feels like you're having a baby. Howard asked George if that has ever happened but George said that he won't answer that this morning. He said that he knows that Brad is listening even though he said he wasn't going to. Artie said he was biting into a buttered bagel just as he was saying that stuff.
Sal's Marriage Update. 07/17/07. 6:15am
Sal came in and said that his wife has no problem with another man touching his penis. He also said that he and his wife are getting along fine after he freaked out on her the other night. He said that she was worried about him after he freaked out on her and threatened to leave her. He told the guys that he went out to dinner with his wife and ended up checking her phone to see if she was still in contact with the guy she was supposed to have stopped talking to. He found some numbers on her phone and they were his. He said he got an apartment in the city and called Dominic Barbara.
Sal said that he was going to leave and then that guy The Sim came in that day. He said that he went home to his friend's house and said he wasn't coming home and told her about finding the phone number and how he was putting so much effort into saving the marriage. He said that his wife told him that the numbers on the phone weren't that guy's and they were probably wrong numbers. She said that she did call the number back but it wasn't that guy who called.
Howard said he couldn't figure out what was going on there. It sounded very odd to him. Artie said he was still stuck on George and Brad's issue. He said that he thinks that Brad could have let him off the hook after a half hour or so. Robin said that if Artie had played a game where he had touched breasts, he'd get into trouble with his girlfriend if he had one. Howard said that Brad is just giving him a preemptive strike and letting George know where that line is.
Howard said that maybe Brad is getting insecure with all of George's popularity these days. He's on a hit TV show and getting a lot of attention. Howard told George that he might have to go home and give Brad a blow job. George said that people are just as interested in Brad as they are in him. He's got his own popularity going with his. Howard said that George has to go home today and apologize again and then drop to his knees and use his mouth and hand on Brad. Howard and Artie joked around about what that might be like and Artie pretended that he had a cock in his mouth as he was talking.
Howard asked Sal more about this phone call thing with his wife. Sal said that his wife got two calls at about two in the morning and claims she didn't know who had called so she returned the call to find out who it was. They were out that night and she didn't know who it was. She didn't get anyone when she returned the call so she called back the next morning and still didn't get anyone. Sal asked her to conference call the guy and pretend that she knew him. She did that and they found that the guy had dialed the wrong number.
Robin said that this is going to get Sal into trouble because he's doing this investigative work on his own. He said that you can't do your own work like that, you have to let someone else do it. Sal said that everything is back to normal now and things are going good after that wake-up call. Howard told Sal that Christine looks really cute too, he was watching her on some show and found her to be very attractive. Sal agreed that she still looks great.
More With George Takei. 07/17/07. 6:30am
Howard took a call and said that it was Brad but it was just a bunch of gay sex clips of a guy moaning. George said that wasn't him. Howard asked George what he thinks about this new Star Trek movie where Leonard Nimoy will make a cameo but William Shatner wasn't asked to do it. George said that he doesn't think that Bill would let his emotions show on that and the stories about him being livid about it are probably not true. George said that he will see both Leonard and Bill at a convention down in Philadelphia this weekend.
Howard read through some e-mail about George being back on the show and everyone seems to be happy to have him back. Howard said that one guy was asking for more attacks on William Shatner. Yesterday some guy called in and asked George to cut back on the attacks but this person was asking for even more. George said he had a few announcements to make and tried to find something specific. He couldn't find what he was looking for so Howard played some edited clips of George saying some other odd things.
George eventually found the announcement that he was looking for and read through that. It was a made up short story about how he had urinated on Bill Shatner one time that the guys wrote for him.
Captain Janks called in and asked George if Brad was a Star Trek fan when he met him. George said that he was a fan but Brad was a star of his own in this running group they were both in. He said that Brad was a star marathoner. Brad used to run a marathon in 3 hours and 9 minutes. George did his best at 3 hours and 39 minutes.
Howard took a call from a guy who told George to just wait until Brad gets to see Sal's penis on Howard TV because it's so ugly. He said that might calm Brad's fears. George did say that it was mostly just foreskin and it wasn't all that attractive.
Henry Hill Calls In. 07/17/07. 6:40am
Howard was about to go to break but he had Henry Hill on the phone. Henry was drinking again and started rambling nonsense. Howard asked Henry why he was so loaded at this early time. Henry said he had a quick story to tell. He said that when Jimmy married his wife Mickey (Two characters in Goodfellas) they hid the body of an ex-boyfriend in his car and he gave the guy's head to his wife. Henry claims that the guy was a half-assed wise guy and he had to pay for that with his head. Howard asked what Jimmy's wife did with the head. He wasn't sure and said he thinks she had the car chopped up. Artie said the guy who got his head chopped off might have been a murderer as well. Henry said he was so he did deserve it.
Henry mentioned that he saw Howard on Extra TV last night so Howard talked about that for a short time. Howard asked Henry what he's been up to lately. Henry said he's been painting his ass off. Howard joked that he was going to give Beth Henry's head as a gift. Henry begged for a mention of his art work which is available on eBay.com. He said you can search his name on there and find his stuff.
Henry was asking Howard to fly him in there to New York but when Howard didn't say yes, Henry called him a cheap Jew. Howard said he never even said no, he just didn't say yes. Howard asked Artie if he gets jealous of Henry and wants to be drunk right along with him. Artie said he is kind of jealous. Howard told Henry he had to get going and let Henry go. He played a prank call the guys made using some clips of Henry from the time he was on the show and so wasted that he wasn't able to speak. He was telling Lisa G that he wanted a caramel machiatto but Lisa thought he was saying he wanted to come on her face. Howard quickly told that story and then went to break.
Frosty The Finagler Calls In. 3/5/02. 9:15am
This guy who calls himself Frosty the Finagler called in to talk to Howard. Earlier in the show Howard told Robin that this guy dresses in a Frosty the Snowman costume and lets kids bury him in the snow. While the kids are doing that the guy looks out the eye holes and at the kids while he whacks off. Howard said the guy claims that he never touches the kids, he just beats off to their images.
Howard got Frosty on the phone and let him explain in more detail what he does. Frosty said that he has a goretex outfit that his friend covers with snow so he looks like a snowman. Then kids come over to him and cover him more without the kids even knowing he's in there. He then masturbates inside the suit. He said one time a kid may have caught him because the kid ended up throwing snowballs at him.
Howard asked Robin if this is morally wrong and if it's actually a crime. Robin thought that it was a crime and it's definitely morally wrong. Frosty said he hasn't touched any of the kids. Howard asked him if he prefers boys or girls. He said when they're dressed in winter clothing he can't tell them apart so he doesn't care about the sex of the child. Howard also asked him if he's gay. The guy said he's not into men or women, just kids and mostly just into himself.
Frosty said that during the summer months he'll throw a ''Frosty party'' with kids at his house. He said he turns down his air conditioning and has the kids over to play Nintendo games. He said he hasn't crossed that line YET where he touches kids. Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and said that the guy needs to get help. He said that it is illegal to masturbate in public and he can get in trouble for that. Dominic said he'd like to help this guy get some help because it sounds like he's very close to crossing that line.
Frosty, who lives in Colorado, said that now he's got to move because that one kid figured out his scam that time. Howard said he wants all parents to be aware of this nut and to keep an eye out for him.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls and let people yell at this guy about what he's doing. A couple of people who have been molested as children let him know how much he might screw up a kids life if he does molest them. A lot of parents also called in and said they'd kill this guy if they caught him doing this stuff around their kids. Howard ended up losing Frosty when his phone went to all static.
Later in the show Howard heard that this guy was a scam artist so that might be good news for the kids of Colorado.
Fred The Elephant Boy And Girlfriend Mary Visit. 04/17/07. 8:30am
Howard had the guys bring in Fred the Elephant Boy so he could talk to him quick. He didn't know that Nick Manning the porn star was there too. Robin said that Elephant Boy had come in and let the door slam in his girlfriend Mary's face. Howard asked them how they're doing and Mary said that she's got a bad back from work. They've been together for about 16 years now. They met at the Cleveland funeral that Howard held.
Howard was wondering about Elephant Boy's gay experiences but he told Howard that he's all man. Artie said that he's wearing a Mets shirt so that shows that he's actually a ''Faeg.'' Elephant boy said he doesn't have any desire to hook up with men anymore. He did try that out when he was younger because he was lonely for company.
Elephant Boy said he doesn't think that any other woman would want to spend time with him. Mary said that he also loves her kids so they get along very well. Elephant Boy was asked why he hasn't gotten married yet. He said there are things that are stopping him from making that move. Mary said that she still lives in Cleveland and Elephant Boy is still living out in the New York area. Elephant Boy said he can't leave his job because it's a government job that's great. Mary also said she can't really work because her arms are screwed up from carpel tunnel syndrome. She said she's working on getting workman's comp for that.
Howard asked the two of them if they're going to have sex. She said they haven't done that in a while because of her back. Howard said they could probably still do it though. Elephant Boy said he'd feel really bad if he hurt her. Howard told him she'd be fine. Howard asked about the phone sex they have but Elephant Boy said he didn't want to do that for them. Mary said they had some of that from back in the day when they were first dating.
Captain Janks called in and said that Elephant Boy was chased down by Mary's father when he was out in Cleveland one time. The father came looking for Fred but he ran out and hid until the rest of the Wack Pack came out to get him.
Howard brought up Elephant Boy shitting his pants when he went to an autograph signing that Gary was at. Mary was completely freaked out by that whole story. She said that drove her nuts. Artie told some of that story and said that Elephant Boy had shit himself on the subway and ended up wiping himself off on a tarp when he got to this appearance he was at. Then he stuck around for the whole day while Gary signed autographs. Howard said it must be tough to blow a guy who has had shit pants like that.
Gary came in and said that he was outside at that car dealer event. He said that it's hard to smell shit like that when you're outside. Gary kept bringing it up with him and one of the interns that was there told him that she thought Elephant Boy had shit himself. Gary said he started to dry heave just thinking about it. At one point Gary went inside the car dealership and asked for soap because there was none in the bathroom. He shook Elephant Boy's hand that day and hadn't realized that he had shit his pants at the time.
Howard said he remembered the story and how Elephant Boy was wearing shorts and the shit had run down his leg. Gary said that's the clue that he got that he had actually shit his pants. It's also what gave him the dry heaves. The guys were all grossed out by that whole story. Artie said that he wouldn't have stayed on the subway if he had shit his pants. He would have jumped from the train.
Howard asked Elephant Boy what he was thinking with that whole visit. Elephant Boy said he just wanted to go say hi to Gary. Gary said that he makes a big deal out of Elephant Boy's visits so maybe he just needed an ego boost that day.
Howard asked Elephant Boy if he tried to clean his asshole that day before he got there. Elephant Boy said he tried to clean up but some of the shit got on him and he wasn't able to clean it all up. He took off his pants in the bathroom and tried to clean up but things were a big mess. Howard went through all of the details trying to figure out what he had done. Elephant Boy said he threw out his underwear but tried to clean up his shorts that were shit stained as well.
Howard asked Elephant Boy and Mary what kind of crazy things they've done. Mary said that they've gone to Scores and a sex club in the city called Paddles. Howard asked them what they're doing at a sex club like that. Mary said that they were just watching.
Howard heard that Mary had grabbed Nick Manning's dick out in the green room. She said Nick said it was okay so she went right ahead and did it. She apparently didn't have any carpel tunnel problems when she did that according to Artie. She said she really does have Carpel Tunnel though. Howard told Elephant Boy and Mary to stick around while Nick Manning sat in.
Scott Baio And Jason Hervey Visits. 07/24/07. 8:50am
After the commercial break Fred played a couple of bits including a prank call the guys made to G Gordon Liddy one time. Fred also played some Pink Floyd for a few minutes before Howard came back. Howard came back a short time later and said that he couldn't wait to get Scott Baio in there. He said that guy is legendary in Hollywood as being a poon hound. He got Pam Anderson in her prime, before she was even Pam Anderson. The guys applauded him as he came in.
Howard said that he wanted to shake his hand and wanted to smell it after that. He told Scott that people talk about Scott like they do about Warren Beatty. Howard said that Scott was able to fly under the radar though. Howard said that he heard that he got Pam Anderson as she was getting off the bus from wherever she came from. Scott said that she was natural back then and didn't have any implants or anything. He met her at the Playboy mansion and her issue hadn't even come out yet. She was on the cover of the magazine and he just happened to meet her there.
Scott said he had walked up to the bar with his friend Steve and they saw these chicks coming in and one of the girls that walked in saw him and said that she had a dream about him. He said that was the perfect opening for someone like that.
Howard asked Scott when he first started getting laid. Scott said he was 16 but it wasn't in high school because he wasn't going to school, he was doing Happy Days at the time. Howard figured that Scott had been with thousands of women but Scott said it might be closer to one (thousand). Howard said that they're some of the most beautiful women in the world too. Gary said that even if Scott was with 100 women a year, that would bring him up to around 3000 women. Scott said he had long term relationships in those years so it probably wasn't that many.
Scott said that this has just been his life and he would have sex with fat chicks too. He said that it was all fun stuff and some of the ugly chicks were very appreciative. He said that some of the ugly chicks would suck him like they had a gun to their head.
Scott said that he did a count of the number of playmates he's been with and it was up there at about 23 or so. He said he actually got banned from the Playboy mansion after he had been with every Playmate from that one year, which was 88 or 89 according to Scott. He said he got a call from someone at the mansion and was asked to slow down a little bit. They told him he had gone too far and he'd been with some of Mr. Hefner's girls. He may have been interfering with some of those relationships.
Howard asked Scott if he had women who had heard about him and wanted to be with him just because of that. Scott told a story about going to a Playboy party and one of the butlers walked up to him and said he never really ''got'' him. The guy said he didn't know how he got so many women. He then said he gets it now and told him that he heard two women discussing him. He said that one of the girls told the other that he had to be with Scott because he can make her come a lot. Scott said that his thing is to please the women so that's the reputation he had.
Howard said that the reason he makes women come a lot is because he's a good looking guy and he's wealthy so that gets them juiced up a bit. Scott said he's good at oral so that's part of it too. He said that he really loves and enjoys doing that stuff so that's why he can get into it that much. Howard said that being with a Pam Anderson must be tough because she's so hot. Scott said that he can go forever with someone he's really into but if he's not, he's done in a second. He said he can really concentrate on a chick if he's into her.
Howard told Scott that he should write a book about this. Scott said he had an offer but there were some issues and it turned into a mess. Artie told Scott that he really likes his reality show ''Scott Baio is 45 and Single'' so he got into that a little bit. He said that he heard a story that Scott told about banging Erin Moran when they were working together on Happy Days. He talked about how he was actually banging the couch instead of Erin at the time.
Scott said that he learned early that he shouldn't shit where he eats. He said it got very awkward being with Erin when they were working together. He said that the relationship dissolved into nothingness and hatred. He said that making out with her was really tough after they broke up. He hated her by that point and she hated him so it was hard to work together.
Howard asked Scott how he handles a woman who has vaginosis, a smell down there. Scott said that he has told women that they stink down there. He said he got rude after a while and he'd just stick his hand down there and he'd get it up near their nose and if they flinched, he'd say ''Well, it ain't me.'' He said that he'd do other things if they were smelly down there.
Howard asked Scott if he was ever turned down. He said ''of course'' and said that Playmates would turn him down and things like that. He said that Jenny McCarthy once pulled some shit with him one time even though he hadn't been with her. He said he met her at a club called Bar 1 and said hello to her. He was pretty sure she was married at the time. He said she told him that she was a big fan and then he saw her out again another time. She had separated from her husband then so he asked her out. They were going to go out a few days later but she never called him back. He said the next thing he knew, she was on a radio show... probably Howard's, that he was stalking her and she couldn't get away from him. He said he didn't know what she was talking about though.
Scott said that Jenny was out at a restaurant one night so he went in and told her to never talk about him like that again because she doesn't know him. He said he never does anything like that. He said that it's all old shit and he'd like to talk to her and put it all behind them.
Howard asked Scott how long it took to get in Pam Anderson's pants. Scott said if he likes a chick, he'll wait a month or so. He said that he figured that every guy was looking to be with her so he figured that holding out a while might be the best thing to do. He said that he waited a month and a half to be with Nicolette Sherridan and she wondered why he was waiting so long when he finally asked to kiss her.
Howard said that Scott had Heather Locklear in her prime too. Scott said that she's a great chick and what you see is what you get. He said that she was his first real love of his life. He was 21 years old at the time and thought about marrying her but she turned him down. He said she was smart for doing that. Howard asked Scott about all of the different types of chicks that he's had. He named just about every race.
Howard asked Scott if he ever had sex with Tori Spelling. He said he knows her but that's never happened. Howard asked him if he's ever had a woman offer to pay him to have sex. He thought about it and said they wouldn't have to pay him.
Artie brought up this guy Johnny V who is one of Scott's best friends. He gets laid thanks to Scott and without him he can't get laid. Scott said he once heard Johnny tell a girl that if she wanted Scott, she had to go through him.
Gary said he got a call from Scott years ago after Erin Moran was on the show and yelled at him for letting her say something about him having a small penis. Howard gave Scott a plug for his TV show after that and Artie said that he really can't wait for the next episode which is very weird with him and reality shows.
Howard asked Scott what he's worth. Scott didn't say exactly what he's worth but he is a millionaire. He said he didn't stop working from the age of 14 or so. He's directed shows and things like that over the years as well.
Howard gave Scott an F, Marry Kill for Pam Anderson, Erica Elaniak and Nicole Eggert. Scott said that he would kill Erica, only because he'd have to, he'd marry Nicole and F Pam. Howard asked him if she's great in bed. Scott said that it was great because he loved her. He said that he's not into crazy stuff either. He said he just likes to make love. He said that she is good in bed. Howard asked him who was the best. He said that Heather Locklear was the best. He said that she's so adorable that you want to bite her nose off or rip her head off.
Howard threw names out to Scott and he'd give ratings for how good a lover they were. Denise Richards was a 3 according to Scott. He said that things weren't great for him. Brooke Shields he never slept with or even fooled around with. Beverly D'Angelo was a 10 according to Scott. He said that she's a great broad. He said that she was able to shut him down with one sentence. He said he was at Liza Minelli's house and he saw Beverly there. He liked her overbite and thought it was very sexy. He said that she told him that she didn't have an overbite, she had a cocksucker's mouth. Scott said he turned and walked away after that.
Howard read that Scott had been with Liza Minelli. He said that he was with her because of who she was. He said that she was about a 7 on a scale of 10 as far as being a lover. He said that she was about 49 when he did her and it was very unique. He said they were together two times and she was a dancer so she had a good body at the time. Scott said she's a fun chick and she was into it at the time. Howard wondered how he broke it off and didn't make her hate him. He said that he just told her that he'd probably slowly pull away and he wanted to let her know before that happened.
Scott said that almost all of the chicks left him because they wanted him to commit and he wouldn't do that. Howard asked him about Melissa Gilbert. Scott gave her a 10. He said that she was a great girl and he just spoke to her before he came to New York. Howard said that on one of the shows Julie McCullough claimed she had her first AIDS test because she was so afraid of all of the people Scott had been with.
Howard asked him why he turned down the movie ''Top Gun.'' Scott said he was just joking when he said that in an interview one time. He said he never turned that down. Howard asked him if he ever had a woman tell him she was pregnant with his baby. Scott said that she told him she was pregnant, 6 months after they broke up, but she was only 4 months pregnant. He said he never heard from her after he told her that she was lying.
Howard asked Scott how long he waited to get into Nicolette Sheridan's pants. Scott said she was the one with the month and a half and it was amazing. Howard told him that it's an amazing life he's had. Howard said that when you have options like that, it's no wonder he's not married. Robin wanted to know how he got back into the Playboy mansion. Scott said he had to grovel on his hands and knees.
Howard asked Scott if he ever had any gay sex. Scott quickly said ''no'' to that. Howard and Robin asked him what his family thought about this. Scott said his father loved that he was getting all of these playboy chicks and he had a subscription to the magazine and he'd ask him about each of the girls and if he knew them.
Scott said that he got Pam Anderson her job on Baywatch. He sent her picture over to the casting people and they asked to see her. Scott also said that about a year and a half into the relationship Pam came to him and told him that she was going to get her breasts done. He said that he thought she was going to get them smaller but then he found out she wanted them bigger and he knew something or someone had gotten to her. He said that she had changed at that point. Scott said that he got very jaded in his life and stopped caring about having all of these chicks that he could do. He said he would have a bunch of women in bed and he'd just go out to smoke a cigar.
Scott said that he wants to get married now so he can have a kid and just relax. He said he's physically exhausted too. He doesn't want to be the guy in the bar trying to pick up women. Howard took some phone calls after giving him another plug for his show which airs Sunday nights on VH-1.
A caller thanked Scott for being so honest and talking about this stuff unlike so many other guests. The guy also asked about Josie Davis who was on Charles in Charge with him. Scott said that she was an ugly duckling on that show and she turned out to be a very beautiful woman. Howard wondered what happened to Nicole Eggert. Scott said that she just doesn't care anymore and now she's into real estate.
Richie Wilson from Howard TV called in with a clip of Jenny McCarthy talking about Scott. In the clip Jenny talked about what went on between her and Scott. She had said stuff about him on some other show but explained it on Howard's show.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Erin Moran mentioned how small Scott's penis was on his show. Scott said he has a normal sized penis and it's not small. Another caller asked Scott if he'd throw Robin a bone. Robin said she doesn't need that. She's no charity case.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked Scott if he's had any plastic surgery. Scott said he doesn't need any of that stuff. He said his parents look young too so he's lucked out. Howard said that Jason Hervey is out in the green room with him. He said they'll have to say hello to him as well. Ralph called in and asked if Scott had been with Christina Ricci. That move was ''Cursed'' but Scott said that he just hung out with her for a few weeks.
Jason Hervey came into the studio a short time later. He actually created the show for Scott. Gary told Howard that Jason is married to a porn star and showed him some pictures of her. Howard said that she's hot too. He asked him if she's still got the big balloons. Jason just laughed. He said that he's been married to her for 9 years now. Jason said that his friend Johnny Fratto said to say hello to them.
Howard asked Jason about his wife and what his family thought about him marrying a porn star. He said that they're fine with it and they all love her. Howard asked Scott if he tried to get her. Scott said that he hasn't tried to get her. Howard told him to stay away from her.
Howard said that Scott seems like a smart guy and wondered if he's ever thought about these chicks being too vapid for him. Scott told a story about this chick he met who was a 15 on a scale of 10. He said that this Bob Dylan song came on the radio and she didn't know who it was. He explained to her who it was and she said she thought that he was in The Who. He said he literally stopped the car and told her to get out of the car. He said that she was so stupid that she's probably still trying to find her way home.
Gary told Howard he was reading the bio on Jason's wife Angel Heart. He said that it was a tough read and he wasn't going to talk about it because it was kind of brutal. Howard asked Scott if he's ever had to pay for sex. Scott said he did pay for it one time at the Chicken Ranch. He said that he just wanted to find out what it was like and he found that it sucked. He said that the chick was like a robot and it wasn't all that great. He said that he only paid $170 for a $300 lay.
Ralph called in again and asked Scott if he thinks that there aren't really that many really hot chicks out there. Scott said that there are some chicks who are pretty hot but they're not like Pam Anderson and Heather Locklear types.
Ralph asked Scott why he wants to get married because even someone like John Stamos thought that it was a good idea but that marriage didn't last. Howard said that Stamos has an impressive list of chicks but not as impressive as Scott's list. Howard said there is only one Scott Baio. He asked Scott if he's ever had an amputee. Scott said he's had some infirmed people. Howard asked him if he's ever done anyone that he's upset over. Scott said that he doesn't have any regrets. That was the road he was on and that's what he did.
Joey Boots called in and said that he thinks that Scott's career has been great. He said that he followed him from when he was on Happy Days. He said that he used to dry hump his hand to Scott when he was growing up and he'd love to lick his asshole if he ever had the chance.
Howard asked Scott if he ever had Anna Nicole Smith. Scott said he didn't but there was a rumor that the baby might be his. He said he didn't even know the woman. Howard told Scott that his show is great and gave him another plug for that. Robin asked Scott why he wants to marry this chick. Scott said that he'll leave it up to everyone to watch but he also said that she's a great chick and she's the only one who doesn't want to change him.
Jason Hervey told Howard that he came up with this idea for the show when they were hanging out one time and he pitched the show to VH-1. Artie asked him if he'd pitch a show called ''Artie Lange is 39 and Fat'' to them too. Howard wrapped up with the guys a short time later. He gave him another plug for his ''Scott Baio is 45 and Single'' show and then went to break.
''Who Wants To Be A Vaginal Millionaire?'' 2/12/03. 8:50am
Howard had three guys in today to play for the chance to date one of three different Vivid Video porn stars. He said they these are guys who have written in with their sad stories. He first introduced Bob who suffers from Muscular Dystrophy. Howard said the guy has been on the show before and claimed that he could beat up Christopher Reeve. Howard said he does get laid even though he's in a wheelchair. Bob told Howard, in a very high pitched Mickey Mouse voice, that he gets hookers to do him. He told Howard about how he does that and how much he pays to get oral sex and stuff like that. He said that he has started to limit himself to masturbating just 3 times a week lately. Howard wondered why he'd limit that. Bob also told Howard that he uses a rubber whenever he's with one of these whores. He said he likes to get all types of women too. He said he's had Asian, Black and ''American women.'' Howard asked him if any of the whores have ever found a mess in his pants. Bob said he once had a mess in his underwear so he called his mother to come over and clean it up for him. He said he had to get her out of there before the whore came. He managed to do that but he still stunk down there when the whore came.
Howard told Bob that he was going to be playing this game for the chance to go on a date with Savanna the porn star. Howard has had her on the show many times in the past. He had her come in so Bob could meet her. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Savanna and then introduced the next contestant.
Next up was Mike. Howard read some of the notes on him. Mike claims that his mother was 280 pounds and would go to the bathroom in front of him. She'd also make him stand naked in the road because he played ''Doctor'' with his friends. He said he played with himself out in front of the house when she did that. He also claims that he and a friend burned down a house one time. He was molested by family members and didn't speak to his father for 10 years because he was paying off gambling debts. Mike is married but his wife agreed to let him play this game anyway. Howard said Mike would be playing for Sunrise Adams. He spoke to Sunrise for a few minutes after introducing her. Sunrise told Howard that she and Savanna once got it on when they were on stage at a strip club. It was for movies that they were doing though. Howard said his family has disowned her since she started doing these movies. He spoke to her about that for a short time and said that Sunrise's family supports her career. Gary said that Sunrise's aunt is Sunset Thomas so she's got a porn star legacy. Gary told Howard that Sunrise has done some wacky stuff in her life too. She once killed a raccoon with a gun that had jammed up. She also used to kill pigeons and would cook them up and eat them. She also claims that she started pleasuring herself when she was 3 years old. She thanked her aunt for getting her into that. Sunrise said she lost her virginity at the age of 14. She said she grew up pretty fast where she lived.
After talking to Sunrise Howard introduced the next contestant, Dal (Dell) who is also married. His wife said there was nothing she could do to stop him and let him play this game. He said his wife is great. He told a story about his brother getting killed when he was in the National Guard. Someone pulled up next to him when he was in his car and shot him. The guys were caught but were released without getting any jail time. Dal said there was no explanation for them getting off. Dal also claims he was molested at a young age and was forced to have sex with some female cousins. He said he was forced by one of his male cousins to give him oral. Howard asked Dal if he's a black guy. Dal said that's what he's told. Dal was playing for a date with Chloe Jones. Howard and Gary spent a short time talking to her about her life and what she's been through. She didn't have any parents growing up but she thought it was great. She didn't start having sex until she was 17 or 18. She claims that her family got her into porn. She said her sister got her into modeling and that eventually led to her stripping at strip clubs. She's been married a couple of times also. She divorced one guy after 6 months because he was no good in bed. The second husband was lying about his age and his name. She said he was very wealthy and gave her a few exotic cars. She says that she also had an affair with Anna Nicole Smith back in 1994. She said they were doing a calendar there and there were lots of drugs involved at the time. She said they were in an adult book store one time and a guy stuck his penis through a glory hole so they burned it with a cigarette lighter. Chloe said that Anna was very thin back then. Howard had her get into a few details about their affair. She said they used to have sex in public places. She said she hasn't spoken to her since 1996.
Howard gave the girls a plug for a party they're going to be at tonight at a club called Discotheque. For more information check VIPGuestList.com. Howard also gave plugs for the other web sites that the girls were plugging today. Those included Vivid.com, SavannaSamson.com and ChloeJones.com.
Howard got to the game and explained the rules to everyone. He was going to ask the girls questions. The guys had to guess whether or not their girl would get the answer correct or not. Howard told the girls not to blurt the answer out and to keep a straight face when the question was asked. Here are all of the girls' questions and their answers:
Bob asked if he could get a plug for a comedy gig he's doing down at The Improv in Baltimore. Howard couldn't believe he was a comedian. He asked if people actually sit through that.
Dal told Howard he has a girl who is willing to get naked for Howard if he plays one of the tracks from his band's CD. Howard gave the girls a few more plugs before that girl came in. KC brought the girl in a minute later. Her name was Jessica and she's a friend of Dal's. Howard said he'd play the song after she got naked. She looked nervous to some of the people in the studio. Howard had Jessica get naked and said she looked like she was in shock. Artie was wondering why the porn stars weren't naked. He said they looked like they were ready to go on vacation in Vermont or something. Howard said Jessica had a nice body, nice boobs and she was shaved down. The porn stars liked her too. Jessica said she wouldn't do anything with the girls though. Howard checked Jessica out for a minute and then played Dal's song. The name of the band is Coal. After the song the guys gave Dal their reviews. Robin said ''It's not horrible, but it's not great.'' Gary said it sounded dated. He said it sounded like something from 1977. Howard seemed to agree with that and pointed out that the mix was off. He said it didn't sound ''commercial'' to him. Gary said he expected it to be worse so he was surprised when it wasn't that bad. Robin said ''It's not today.'' The guys all gave him some suggestions and said it's not good enough for a record label. Robin said he could work weddings. Gary said he could be in a tribute band. Dal got in a plug for his band's web site CoalMusic.net and Howard wrapped up the segment after that.
Later in the show during Robin's news Howard said that he heard that Bob backed out of his date with Savanna. He didn't want to go on the date because he wasn't guaranteed sex. Howard said that you never turn down a date with a hot chick. He said sometimes you can wear them down or get them drunk enough that they'll bang you.
Today's special was over around 10:25am.
Jon spent a little time talking to JD about his dream girl Abby Elliott. He asked Benjy if he had anyone like that. Benjy said that's not right for him and his girlfriend. He said that things have changed for him.
Benjy asked JD what he would ask about Abby. JD said that he'd ask what she wears and what she smelled like.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked JD when people on the show are going to meet his girlfriend. JD said it depends. He said that they probably won't meet her on the air. JD said everyone will meet her one day possibly. Benjy said that Richard and Steve Brandano met her. JD said Sal did too but he didn't know who she was. Benjy asked if he's avoiding it at all off the air. JD said he's not. He said he asked if anyone wanted to meet her last week when she was in town but everyone was going away.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he likes his interviewing skills. He said he learned a lot of things when Julie Benz was on. Jon said that Scott Salem helped a lot with that.
The caller said he thinks Scott Baio was one of the best guests in the satellite years. He said he can't think of many who were that honest. Jon said he thinks Wilmer Valderrama was pretty honest too. He said he took a lot of flak for it after the interview. Jon said with Scott he was an open book. He said you have to respect where the person is coming from if they don't want to talk. JD said James Franco was honest too. The caller agreed. Benjy said you never know what someone wants to talk about and what they want to hide. He said he thinks that a lot of people have gone even further but they're not inside their head when they go there.
Jon said one of the genius things Howard does is get back to something they don't want to talk about. He circles around to it and tries again.
Jon said he thinks a lot of people want to come in and perform on the show but they hold off on it. He said that Amy Poehler has been like that but now she's supposed to come on in a few months. He said that George Takei is one of those people you don't expect to talk and then he reveals everything.
Jon said the first segment they played was George Takei getting in trouble over the Guess what's In My Pouch that day. Jon said he doesn't think they've played that game since then. Jon said that George didn't think he was doing anything wrong that day. JD said they were doing a show and there were cameras around. He said he wasn't hiding anything. JD said if it was off the air then it may have been something. JD said that Brad is a big fan of the show and George knows he listens.
Benjy said he doesn't think that any of the guys would touch a cock but it wouldn't be an issue because they're not into cock. Jon said that it would be an issue for his wife. She'd wonder why he wanted to do it.
Jon said that he and his wife argue over things. He said they're pretty small though. He said it's sometimes about TV shows. He said if it's something she wants to watch and he doesn't like it they'll argue over it. Jon said they've been married for 23 years so they have had a lot of fights like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he can't believe Benjy is saying he doesn't reveal a lot. He said he reveals too much. He said that finger in his ass cost him his relationship. Benjy said it really didn't. He said the finger had nothing to do with their problems. The caller said he thinks Howard knew about their problems and got him to do the finger thing. Benjy said it wasn't a conspiracy.
Jon said some people on the show are open books and some aren't. He said he tries not to make the show about himself so he tries to make the show about the other guys. That way he doesn't have to reveal much.
Jon said he heard that Richard was at the Turtles screening last night. Richard said they loved it. He said he was totally into the movie. He said he was into the video game when he was a kid. He said he worshiped the game. Jon asked the guys what their favorite video games were. JD went over a whole list of games he liked on Nintendo.
Richard said he was stuck in a game and he called a hotline number and it ended up costing him like $60. He said he was at a point in the game when he wasn't able to figure out how to move on. He said he had to tell his parents right away how long he was on the phone. Jon asked if he felt like he cheated. Richard said he did. Jon said that JD watches YouTube to see how to get through stuff he plays. JD said he does but he does that to learn how to do things. He said he only cheats at Angry Birds. JD said he buys strategy guides too. Jon asked if that's cheating too. JD said he guesses it is. Jon went to break a short time later.
Jon asked how long they've been working on this movie. Jonathan said that it's been two and a half years. He said he grew up in South Africa and he's a massive fan. He said today is a big fucking day. He said that Guardians of the Galaxy just destroyed the box office last week. He said they don't know how it's going to do.
Benjy asked if they're always hits with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Jonathan said they can be. Jon said that a lot of parents want to see this film because they grew up with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Brad said they think it's really fun but they won't know how it does until Sunday morning. Jon said he was a fan of the TV show and then the movies when they came out.
Jonathan said he has a lot of questions about Richard and Sal and the phone calls they make. Jon said he'll try to help him out with that. He asked if Jonathan was nervous to meet JD. Jonathan said he was. He said that he saw Steve Brandano's chair in the back and he was blown away. He said that he and Brad have been late to work because they have to listen to the segments they're in the middle of.
Jonathan said that they are really big fans. He said they listen to every day. He said they are in 3 hours of traffic a day so they listen. Jonathan asked Benjy if his screaming during the fingering was out of fear or pain. Benjy said that it was like getting into a cold shower and screaming to get over the shock. Benjy said he had never had a finger in his ass before. He said that he has had a colonic though. Benjy said that Perez didn't go crazy in there. He said he was afraid he was going to go in deeper and damage something though.
Benjy asked Jonathan if he has ever had a finger in his ass. He said he hasn't. Brad asked if they really haven't had a finger up their ass. Benjy said he really hasn't. Even at the doctor. He said he knows he should be.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Jonathan how he feels about some of the curse words they used in the early films. He said that they are more politically correct now. Jonathan said he doesn't think the studio would go for it. He said the MPAA wouldn't. He said he thinks movies for kids have become less violent too. He said that he doesn't think they'd get away with it today.
Jon asked Brad if he agrees. Brad said he does. He said they want to make movies for families and that's what they have to do now. Jonathan said that's just the way things go these days.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what their inspiration for this movie was. Jonathan said when he was a kid the cartoons came out in South Africa and it was just the timing of it. He said that when he came on to the film he was reading the comic books thanks to one of the guys who worked on the film. He said they pulled some ideas from those books for the movie.
Jon asked why the Turtles work. Jonathan said he doesn't think anyone other than a turtle could have protected its family from a pterodactyl. He said if you look at evolution some people think that humans evolved from turtles. Benjy said some people say that about dolphins too.
Jason said he thinks that they have relateable characters and kids can relate to them. He said if he fought crime he'd want to go get pizza too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he goes way back with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He said that the comic books were pretty violent in the beginning. He said then it became more kid-ish when they became popular. He said he's wondering how they keep the edge in a movie they can't even say ''shit'' in. Jonathan said he's right. He said that they were hard core vigilantes in the beginning. He said they had to make them look a little grittier and battle hardened. He said if you make it too light then people get pissed off. He said if you make it too dark then parents will get upset.
Jon said that they have a lot of great actors in the film too. He said Megan Fox and Will Arenett are a couple. Jonathan said that they had some awesome casting.
Benjy said that Megan said that she doesn't have sex with her husband in a press conference. Brad said he thinks she said that with the two kids they're stretched so thin that they don't have time. Jon said they have to let these guys go. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Jon said that there are a couple of acting types sitting around. He asked what his advice for them would be. Jonathan said ''use the hand.'' He said Brad may know more. Brad said it's about someone seeing how great you are and seeing what you can do. He said Benjy brought that in Sharknado 2. He said he had that Benjy moment in the movie. Jonathan said he has to put a reel together and get it out there.
Jon said that Richard is known for his drumming and for the show but he's been in a couple of movies. Jonathan said he thinks that he'd want him to be in the film because of all of that. He said that they James Hetfield came in for a read on a movie. He said that James actually turned them down. He said they also met Stone Cold Steve Austin. He said he met Kareem Abdul Jabaar doing that.
Benjy asked how many people in their life want to get into their movies. He said everyone has family who must ask for that. Brad said that does happen. He said his son wants to be an actor. He said that there's more than one person making the decision. He said it has to go through everyone first.
Jon said since they're such huge fans of the show he'd like them to critique JD and Ronnie Mund. He asked who they think has a brighter future. Brad said they both do. He said it depends on how long Ronnie lives though. He said that they both have their own essence to bring to a film. Jon said that he knows there's a darker side to JD and he might want to play that kind of role. Richard said he played Super Twink. JD said he would rather that project be swept under the rug. Richard said he won't let it.
Brad said that they wouldn't want to hurt the show. He said that they'd want them to stick with the show and not screw anything up. Jon said Ronnie is very careful about that. Jonathan said he can see someone like Paul Thomas Anderson taking JD and turning him into a character. JD said he would love that. He said he hopes Paul hears that.
Jon asked Jonathan to do an impression of JD. He did an amazing impression. JD told them to keep it up. Jon said he has all of these famous people doing impressions of him. Jonathan said that JD turned to him at the end of the interview he did with him at Comic-Con and said ''Well, I'm glad it was an honor for you...'' Jonathan said the funny thing is that it actually was an honor.
Jonathan said he loves Howard and how honest he is with his guests. He said he gets so much out of his guests too. Jon said he thinks that they're going to stack up just fine compared to the big directors they have on the show.
Jon said that JD's directors special will air on Labor Day on Howard 101. He said he just got a note about that.
Richard asked if Brad knew anything about Beetlejuice being on the set of a Michael Bay movie. Brad said he doesn't know anything about that. Jonathan said he'd love to ask Michael about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who told a story about how into the Ninja Turtles his son was. He said he ended up buying him some replicas that were pretty big and they had the turtles all over his room. He said one night he woke up and heard his kid screaming. He said that he was freaked out by everything they had in his room so they had to take it all out. He said his son was really freaked out.
The caller asked if Sharknado 2 beat America's Got Talent. Jon said Sharknado had about 4 million viewers and AGT had about 14 million. He said it's not really close. Jon said that he doesn't think Howard would be upset if the movie beat them in the ratings.
The caller asked if they're afraid of that. Benjy said he is. He said he doesn't want to overshadow Howard. The caller said some people have and then you never hear from them again. He asked why no one ever goes at Howard. Jon said he doesn't think that anyone can win because Howard controls the mic. Benjy said he thinks it's because he controls the mic and that's it.
Jon asked the guys if they're afraid of what else is out there when a movie like this comes out. Jonathan said they have had a golden age for movies like this so they're hoping it will do well. Brad said he's very hopeful for this one.
Sal came in and asked if any of the turtles are uncircumcised. Jonathan said the Onion did a great bit about that. He said they should check that out.
Jon took a call from Will Arnett who said that this is real bottom of the barrel stuff for the Wrap Up Show. Will said that Brad is really a great guy. He said that his business partner is great too. He said it's an impressive movie and Jonathan is an impressive director. Jonathan wasn't sure if that was really Will on the phone. Jon said it is really him. Will said that his fake accent is a little annoying but you have to get beyond that. Jonathan said Will is very fast and he's afraid to go after him. Will said that Jonathan is a very hairy man. Jonathan said he was Skyping with an executive once and they thought he had a cat on his lap. It was just his arm.
Jon asked Jonathan if Will is easy to work with. Jonathan said he really is. He said he learned some comedy from him working on some scenes.
Jon asked if Will would work with JD. Will said it would take a long time to get to the point so he's not sure. Will asked if JD took the IQ test there. JD said he did and he was like 4 points ahead of Sal. Sal said he's just not a good test taker. He said it's there but he isn't good at taking tests.
Jon said he had to let Will go. Jon had the guys get in their plugs and then ended the show. They were done around 11:35am.
Gary In Trouble With Howard. 04/25/07. 6:00am
Howard started off the show saying he had a blow out with Gary before the show. He said that he got mad at him for playing bits on the Wrap Up Show that he hasn't played on the regular show. He didn't know that he was on a timetable after hearing Gary playing an example of a bit that he hadn't played on the show in a few weeks. He said he doesn't want Gary invading his shit and doing stuff like that. He said Gary was arguing with him and he had to tell him to stop.
Robin said they used to play bits that he wouldn't play on the show. Howard said those were bits he said he was never going to play on the show. Yesterday they played a prank call to a pizza place that Sal had done but it wasn't a rejected bit, Howard just hadn't played it yet. Howard said he doesn't care about the Wrap Up Show, it's irrelevant.
Gary came in and tried to defend himself. He said it wasn't about how Howard doesn't play bits fast enough, it was more about how Sal and Richard freak out when the bits don't get played. Howard argued with Gary and said that he can't be serious arguing with him. He said the rules are that he is to call him and ask if he's done with something before playing it on that show. Gary said he doesn't want him thinking his some renegade who is playing bits that he's not supposed to. Howard told him that he should know the rules by now.
Gary said it felt right to play that bit yesterday. Howard said that's ridiculous and said that there are many bits he doesn't play for 10 years but that doesn't mean that he can take it and play it on the air. He said he just wasn't ready to play that bit and told Sal to remind him about the bit after he took it off the page on his computer. Sal came into the studio but Howard warned him to leave before saying anything. He told him he was going to make a mistake by saying anything.
Sal then went on to say that he told Gary that he didn't think it was right for him to play the bit on that show. Gary told him he was a liar and he was full of shit. He couldn't believe that he was throwing him under the bus like that. Robin backed Gary up in that. Gary said that out in the hall Sal was making the crazy sign about Howard after he told him what was going on right before the show. Howard said that Gary shouldn't be telling Sal what his mood is. Gary said he was just preparing Sal for what's going to happen.
Gary left the studio and Howard told Sal that Gary was wrong and he knows it. Sal insisted that he didn't throw Gary under the bus and he didn't lie about what he said to him. He said that Gary told him ''Trust me, it's not going to be played...'' when he asked him if he was sure that Howard wasn't going to play that bit.
Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who asked if he had any new bits to play today or if he has to listen to the Wrap Up Show to hear them. Howard sarcastically said that they're going to premiere on the Wrap Up Show from now on. Howard took another call from a guy who said that Sal did say something to Gary about playing the bit. Howard said he's going to go back and listen to it himself. Sal backed Howard up in the discussion about playing bits on that show and said that it is his show and he will go with whatever he says.
The caller on the line told Howard that Sal did say something to Gary about not playing the bit on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. That seemed to piss Gary off even more. Sal was laughing and saying that he was just looking out for Gary yesterday when he did that.
Artie said that Sal was kind of making it sound like he was the hero of the situation when he came in there. Sal said he wasn't trying to do that, he was trying defend himself because it was like Gary was trying to throw him under the bus and make it sound like he led him to play that bit. Howard told Sal he could leave and ended the discussion with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Wrap Up Show is good but it seems to be going to Gary's head lately. Another caller said that Howard should stop going to therapy because he seems to be getting soft. He said that Robin was on Bubba's show spilling her story to them instead of doing it on Howard's show. He said that he has to go back to the old days where he goes off on people and puts them in their place.
Howard said he liked the bit that they played yesterday and he would have eventually played it. He has a process he does on the show and it's worked well so far so he's not sure why they'd undermine him like that. Artie said that the other day Sal and Richard played a bit they did with Joe Franklin and he heard it. He said he didn't think it was all that strong. He said Howard didn't say yes or no and thought that was a good thing because that was a good way to handle it. He didn't want to say yes or no, maybe he wanted to sleep on it. Howard said he hadn't needed to go to any bits like that but he likes to have stuff like that in reserve so he's still not sure why they'd play a bit like that on another show. He said it was really aggravating. The caller told Howard to tell Gary to stay the boss and stop dicking around with those two.
Gary came in and said that he had an audio clip of Sal saying that maybe they shouldn't play the bit. He was admitting that he did say it and pointing it out to Howard. Howard found the clip and played it. In the bit Gary told Sal to go get the bit and Sal does say that maybe Howard would want to play it first. Gary told him to trust him, he wasn't going to play it at all.
Howard said that it's like Gary sabotaged the show. Gary asked Howard if everything he does is right 100 percent of the time. Howard said that he's always right and couldn't think of anything where he was wrong. Gary said he did back Bush in the Iraq war. Artie told him he had another one... in 1986 when he wore the black leather pants and brown cowboy boots. Howard said he might be right about that.
Gary said that tomorrow is bring your kids to work day so he's afraid that he's going to be emasculated when he brings his kids in tomorrow. Artie said he has to apologize to Sal because it really was Gary who was pushing to play that tape on the Wrap Up Show. Gary said he had to hear the whole conversation to know what was really going on though. Gary said that Sal likes to throw him under the bus and it's kind of like the way Stuttering John used to do that kind of stuff to him. That's why he reacts to him the way he does when he thinks he's being attacked.
Sal And Richard's Unplayed Bits. 04/25/07. 6:25am
Howard said the bit that Gary played on The Wrap Up Show was called ''Grandpa Pizza'' and people can apparently hear it on The Wrap Up Show. Gary said he had the bit if Howard wanted to play it. Howard thanked him for lending it to him to play on his show and went right into the bit. In the bit Sal calls a pizza place and asks them what kind of food they have for his Grandfather's wake. Every food the pizza guy mentions makes Sal cry because it reminds him of his grandfather. The guy hangs up on Sal a couple of times so Richard calls back as Sal's wife and then the guy goes off on her saying that he'll send over a pan of meatballs so they can cry their god damned eyes out.
Artie said the bit wasn't incredible but it was good. Howard said there's another bit that Sal and Richard did that he was going to play. It had the return of Richard's character ''Nervous Mark'' who can't answer a question or finish a thought. He played the first Nervous Mark bit where he called a cable access show and couldn't get his thoughts out. Then he talked about how Sal and Richard used that character on their Jack and Rod show when they spoke to Joe Franklin. Howard said Joe Franklin didn't really react to it so he didn't think it was all that great of a bit.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Grandpa bit wasn't all that great and it shouldn't have even been played on Imus' show. Howard went into the Jack and Rod show where they goofed on Joe Franklin. They told Joe that they had found a huge fan of Joe's and had him in the studio to talk to him. The big fan was Richard's ''Nervous Mark'' character who wasn't able to speak. He stuttered and stammered trying to get out his questions and comments. At one point Nervous Mark throws up from being so nervous, then he pisses his pants so Sal kicks him out of the studio. Joe tries to get in a plug for his book but Nervous Mark is still in there moaning and talking over him.
Howard cut the bit off and said it went on and on. He was thinking about playing it but he didn't think it worked all that well. He said that he was thinking of having them cut it down or something but it still might now work. They were actually being kind of mean to Joe but he played along with them. Artie said there were a few funny moments in the bit. Howard said Sal and Richard seem to pressure Gary into trying to get some of those bits played and that's why the one got played on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard said he's still all aggravated about the whole thing. He hates being an asshole like he was but everything is a neurotic fuckin' mess for him. Howard said the problem is that he's always right and has never been wrong. Artie pointed out that his fashion might not be perfect so Howard admitted to that. He said that's why he puts up with Ralph in his life.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that whenever Beth is away, Howard is the biggest cunt in the morning. He said he doesn't think that he should let her go away anymore. Howard said he spoke to Beth last night and she told him about hanging out with that guy Bill from The Apprentice. He said she told him that even if she wanted to cheat on him, she couldn't do it because all of his fans would figure it out and tell on her.
The ''Shaved Or Unshaved'' Game. 5/14/03. 8:00am
Howard came back from break and said that next week's new 10pm time slot for his E! show starts off with the Drunk show and the Miss Butta Face contest.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard he was going to be doing this Shaved or Unshaved game and that wasn't an original idea either. Howard said he's said that before and they're having this guy on the show. KC said they're not going to have the guy on the air though. KC said you can actually play along on DesignAVagina.com.
Howard brought in the first girl, Alexia. Howard asked her if this is their normal grooming habits or if they're told what to do. Gary said the show was just booked on Friday so they can't grow hair that quick. Alexia said that she is always groomed the way it is. KC said there are actually three choices, shaved, unshaved or neatly trimmed. Howard read Alexia's bio and she claims to be a model. Turns out she was talking about ''adult modeling.'' She has a 34DDD cup size. Implants of course. She said she just had them done a few months ago. She also claims that she hasn't had a man in over a year. She's been doing women lately instead. Howard and Robin tried to figure out if she's shaved or not. Robin guessed that she's neatly trimmed. Howard agreed. Gary said shaved as did Artie. Fred said neatly trimmed. KC said he guesses she's unshaved because of her hair color. Alexia pulled down her pants and showed that she was completely shaved. Artie wondered what they won for getting it right. He asked to see her giant breasts. She quickly took her top off and showed them. Howard goofed on her spiked tongue a little bit but then checked out her body and forgot about that. Howard said Gary was staring at her like a married man. Gary said she had one fine ass and didn't hear a word Howard said. Artie got back to goofing on her spiked tongue because it made it hard for her to speak correctly. She said that's the reason she became a lesbian.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this was a great game and they should let him come up and play. Howard said that's a good idea and they should grab someone from the street and bring them up to the studio to play along. One guy didn't think it was all that great because Howard wasn't talking to the girls for very long. Another caller asked Howard to check out their feet and let them know how they were. Howard said Alexia was wearing 8 inch heels but didn't say exactly how they looked.
Howard moved on to the second woman, Asiaonna. Howard said he could see through her panties and it looked like she was unshaved. Howard thought he could see some ''popcorn'' in her pants. Asia claims that she's just now getting into modeling and this site has helped her do that. She claims that she had a daughter at the age of 15. She's now 28. She's also married to the father of that baby. Gary pointed out to Howard that Asia was wearing a black bikini bottom under her panties, that's where the black was coming from. Robin said she believes that she's unshaved but later changed that to neatly trimmed. Howard thinks she has to be shaving it all off. He spent a couple more minutes talking to her about her life and found out she and her husband are swingers. They sometimes bring other partners into their bedroom. She said that she's brought other men but it's usually women. Howard had the guys guess at whether or not she's shaved or unshaved. Gary said unshaved, Artie said neatly shaved, Fred said unshaved as did KC. Turns out she was completely shaved.
The next woman was a waitress. Her name was B Fly. She made that name up of course. Howard asked her a few questions about her life and found out she came up with the name herself. The fly is because ''she's fly.'' Howard read some stuff about her and found out she's had sex in a closet at work in the restaurant. She said she likes the ''danger.'' She's 20 years old and lost her virginity at the age of 16. Howard guessed that she's neatly trimmed. Robin said neatly trimmed, Gary said unshaved, Artie said neatly trimmed, Fred said neatly trimmed. She pulled down her pants and was neatly trimmed. Howard said she should just be completely shaved though. She was almost there.
Mary Jane was up next. She's 5'10'' tall and is a stage hand. This is her first ''modeling adventure'' on this web site. She claims that she performed oral on a boss she worked for in a book store one time. She said she's done that to a couple of bosses she's had over the years. She said she once had sex in the theater with the technical director looking down on some of the other people. She said she likes schlongs too much to become a lesbian after Howard asked her about that. Howard went on to guess that Mary Jane was totally shaved. Robin guessed neatly trimmed. Gary said neatly trimmed, Artie said shaved, Fred said unshaved. She pulled down her pants to reveal that she was trimmed but with Howard's initials shaved into her pubes.
Next up was Secret, a light skinned black woman. Howard asked what her ''secret'' was. She wouldn't say but Gary told Howard that she has slept with a celebrity and that's her secret. Howard asked her about the porn movie's she's done and asked her who the celebrity was. She said it was a rap star. Gary guessed Ice T but she said ''no'' to everyone they guessed. She said she likes girls but loves men too. She said she has both a boyfriend and a girlfriend. She keeps them separate though. Howard said she's unshaved, Robin said unshaved, Gary also said unshaved as did Artie. Fred said he thinks she's unshaved also. KC guessed neatly trimmed. She pulled down her pants and was completely shaved. She stumped them all.
Finally they had Sativa who is from Long Island. Howard said she works as a fetish model. She said she does spanking parties, foot fetish parties and stuff like that. She said she's only 19 years old. She told Howard about these parties she does and how they go. She also told Howard how she got into the fetish thing. She said she liked having guys rubbing her feet and kissing them and had to keep doing it. She was a stripper but she doesn't even have to do that anymore. She said they have themes at these parties so she wears different things at the parties. Howard wanted her to demonstrate on Benjy. Benjy hopped up and got naked as he went over to her. Howard had him lay down naked on the floor as she stepped on him. She massaged his nipple with her foot. Benjy said it just felt like a foot to him. She said it's a very soft foot though. She also shoved her toes into his ass. Benjy said she might have some toilet paper on her toes now. Howard put a stop to that a minute later and said he guessed that she's totally unshaved. Robin said shaved, Gary said unshaved, Artie said unshaved and Fred said unshaved. KC said unshaved. She pulled down her pants and she was unshaved. She was waxed a little bit but the hair was growing back in.
Asia and one of the other girls wanted to make out for the end of the segment. Howard let them do that and then wrapped up the segment. He also gave them a plug for DesignAVagina.com. He spent a short time talking about Sativa and how she does the foot fetish thing. Benjy getting naked was a topic for discussion. Gary said he's known Howard for many years and has never seen his penis. Today he saw Benjy's penis for the seventh time. Sal (Formerly Known as Sal the Stockbroker) called in and said Howard came up with this idea back in the WNBC days when he did a promotion for a shaving cream. He also suggested they have a wife and girlfriend ''shaved or unshaved'' on the show. Howard said he doesn't think that will happen because none of their wives or girlfriends would be willing to pull down their pants to prove what they have down there. Sal also suggested having a Gary's teeth Brushed or Unbrushed game. Sal got in a quick plug for a comedy gig he's doing with Yucko the Clown and High Pitch Erik at the Brokerage Comedy Club in Bellmore, NY tonight. Howard had to take a break after that.
Sal And Christine Go Through Therapy With Dr. Keith Ablow. 10/01/07. 7:15am
Howard moved on to the Dr. Keith Ablow thing. He said that he was going to have Dr. Keith come in first to talk about this Sal and Christine thing that they're about to do. He had to get it started early because they had more to get to later today. Dr. Keith came in and Howard told him that they're entrusting him with what could be one of the best bits of all time. He said that Sal was very upset when he found out his wife had an emotional friend. Dr. Keith knew all about it and said ''1 4 3'' (I Love You in internet speak). Howard told Dr. Keith that he'll have to step in at some point during this discussion. Dr. Keith knows about the therapy they went through and how their therapist told them it could take 2 years just to get back to where they were, which wasn't an ideal place.
Howard had Gary bring in Sal and Christine. He first spoke to Christine about how beautiful she is and how everyone is shocked that Sal got her in the first place. He said that's no bullshit and she knows it. Howard asked Christine about this emotional friend and how they met. She said that they're just friends, but not even that anymore, and that was it. Howard wanted to know more about this friend and what it was that Sal was not doing that drove her to the friend. Sal explained how he was bringing all of his tension from work home with him.
Howard told Christine that he doesn't think that she's in love with him anymore. He said that he believes that she's going to hang in there for the kids and she'd rather run off with some other man. She said that she's in love with him and she wouldn't be there if she wasn't. Howard said he doesn't believe that she enjoys having sex with him and wondered if she thinks about running off with other men.
Howard asked Christine about this 143 (I Love You) thing and how she writes that to a man if she's not fucking him. She said that he was having a bad day and she was trying to cheer him up by letting him know that she really cares about him. She said that they're just friends though. They never met outside of work or anything like that. She swore to god on the life of her children that she never met him outside of work. She said that he has met her kids before because she works with the guy and she has brought them to work with her.
Howard said that she must have realized that she was becoming very close to this guy because she was writing 143 to the guy. She said she never hid the relationship or anything like that but Sal said that's not true. He went through the records and found that she was in contact with him about 30 times a day with him. She used to lock her phone and she'd hide the phone from him so he wouldn't see what she was up to.
Sal said that there were like 30 phone calls a day and they were all to him. Christine said that she talks to a lot of her friends during the day and this wasn't that big of a deal.
Dr. Keith said that this lockdown thing that Sal was talking about is still out there. He said that she was on lockdown with her phone and she seems to be on lockdown with these stories. He asked her if she ever fantasizes about other men. She said earlier she never does so Dr. Keith asked if she really only thinks about Sal. She said ''I guess...'' Dr. Keith said that if you lock yourself down, that will keep you from moving on from where they're at now.
Howard asked Sal about this 30 times a day thing. Sal said that telling someone you love them is really going a little far. Howard agreed and said that the 143 thing would end it for him if he saw Beth doing something like that with another guy. Dr. Keith said he doesn't believe that would end it with Howard and Beth.
Dr. Keith asked Sal what the problems were in the relationship before this emotional friend thing came about. Sal said that Christine would tell him that she was tired of him working all the time and not spending time with her and the kids when he was home. Sal said he was taking her for granted and he saw that and he's tried to be better about that.
Christine said that Sal was trying to be better in the beginning but he's back to being his crabby self these days. Dr. Keith said that Sal seems to be trying to be there for her and he seems to want to keep the marriage going. Sal said ''you better believe it.'' He's still sexually frustrated though. Howard asked Christine about that and she was saying that they can't believe everything that he says. She said that's just his version of this. Howard asked her what her version of it is.
Christine said that Sal was going to strip clubs and peep shows and stuff and doesn't talk about it. She said that he made fun of her on the air for 2 years and it hurt her. Sal said he didn't see that at first but then he saw that he was taking her for granted.
Christine said that her friends are forbidden from telling her about anything that happens on the show by Sal. She said that she doesn't know why they have to hide it from her when she can go on the internet and read about it. She doesn't get why Sal stops her friends from telling her what happened. Sal said that's because what people perceive happening isn't always the way things go down on the show. He said that when he goes home he doesn't want to hear about it and discuss it.
Sal said that he cut the wire for the SIRIUS radio at home because he doesn't want his wife hearing the show. He said that it's entertainment and he doesn't want to discuss what he does when he goes home. This isn't a serious thing he does there and he doesn't want her yelling at him for putting chocolate on his balls and dipping them in someone's mouth. He said he wants to put it away when he goes home and not keep talking about it.
Dr. Ablow asked if Sal would remain at a distance with her when he'd go home. She said he used to come home and go straight to work on the computer. She said she wanted him to spend time with his family instead. She said that it hurt and it was rude to her. Dr. Ablow asked her if this other friend filled a void she had in her life. She said that she has a lot of friends that she talks to and some of them are men. Sal said that there are a bunch of guys who thought that they were that emotional friend when he talked about him on the show. She does talk to a lot of guys but this one friend wasn't the one that Sal knew about.
Dr. Ablow asked Sal if he thinks that Christine is tough to get to emotionally. Sal said that she did seem to shut the doors off to him emotionally and he knows that it's going to take a long time to open them up again. He said he knows that he was to blame to a certain extent but not completely. He said that she seems to think that this is a game to him too. He said that it's very hard for her to open up about this whole thing. He said that she was the one who used to open up to him all the time and now the roles have reversed. He said that he's the one trying to be that way and he's not getting it in return. She started laughing as he was breaking down and almost in tears. Robin asked how she could laugh at a moment like this. Artie said that she's laughing because this is hilarious.
Dr. Ablow said that this isn't one person's fault. He tried digging in and finding out what the root of the problem was. Sal said that she said something to him recently about how she didn't want to be like her parents. Dr. Ablow asked her to talk about that but she didn't want to talk about her parents on the air with so many people listening. Dr. Ablow tried to get her into that but she said she didn't think it was fair for them to talk about her parents without them even knowing about it.
Sal tried to help by talking a little bit about how her parents don't get along all that well now that they've gotten older. Dr. Ablow tried helping and asked her how it felt to grow up in a house where her parents were kind of estranged. He was assuming that's what she was saying. She said that she really never thought that she could stay in a relationship like that if she was in one and that's not what she wants in her life. Dr. Ablow said that this whole thing may have had to have happened for Sal to realize that he still loves her.
Howard asked Christine why she gave up the relationship with that friend if it was so innocent. She said that Sal gave her no choice. She said that she would have liked to have stayed in touch with him because they were friends. She said that anyone who knows Sal would know that if any conversation doesn't pertain to him, he doesn't listen. She said that everyone who knows him knows that's the case. Dr. Ablow said that she picked him though. She should know that's the way he is. He figured that both of them have something in common with their parents being kind of estranged.
Dr. Ablow was asking Sal a question and he threw out a joke about her unzipping his pants. Christine was annoyed by that and said that she hates those little comments. She was very annoyed with those jokes being in her life constantly. Dr. Ablow asked how much arguing was going on in her life as she grew up. She didn't know and said that Sal knows what it was like. Sal tried to explain it so Howard asked Christine if she thinks that this is going to get any better. Christine said ''I don't know, that's the truth.''
Sal said that he heard Christine telling a friend about marriage and how people eventually just settle after going through all of this stuff. Howard asked Christine if she thinks that she'd be with Sal if they didn't have kids. She said ''I don't know.'' She said that she doesn't want that life of two people just co-existing in a house like her parents. Dr. Ablow said that she may have married Sal because she knew that he would do this to her eventually and that's because it's a life she knew already.
Sal said that his wife will go to these friend parties where they sell sex toys and she will never buy anything. Howard asked Christine if she thinks about other men when she masturbates. She said that she never does that. Sal mumbled something about that being bullshit. Howard asked everyone in the studio if they think about other people when they masturbate. Everyone does. Howard said that Christine has to masturbate but she said that she doesn't. Dr. Keith believed her but Howard didn't.
Dr. Keith talked about this sexual thing and how she really is in lockdown in her life and she's emotionally locked out from Sal. He doesn't think that she's ever even tried to go back to where she was with Sal. Dr. Keith said that she's so scared that she has to push Sal back. She was laughing again at all of this stuff so Howard asked her why she was being like that. She was laughing at Sal when everyone else was ready to cry. Christine said that she thought this was all funny, that's why she was laughing. Dr. Keith said that she has to laugh to get through that emotional stuff.
Dr. Keith didn't think that Christine was even that close to this guy that she was e-mailing. She's so detached that she has to e-mail and not even talk to the guy. Sal said that he tried texting her and e-mailing her when this all went down trying to get closer to her. That didn't work.
Sal said that he worked hard all weekend out in Cleveland and Chicago and then he got home last night. He said that his kids came to meet him at the door and she stayed in the computer room. He thought that she should have gotten up from the computer to greet him but she thought he was blowing it out of proportion. Christine said that Sal was in the house for how long before he said that. Sal said he walked in the house and down the hall and she never even got up to see him. Sal said he couldn't wait to see his wife and he envisioned her coming up to him. She was laughing at him again at this point. Sal was on the verge of tears.
Dr. Keith said that this is all a question of how much love you have in your heart and how much you're willing to do to get that back. Christine was laughing at Dr. Keith as he was talking about this stuff. Sal said he's tried really hard to make this work but he can't seem to crack his wife. He said he gets mixed signals from his wife but he'd like to see it. Dr. Keith asked him how he knows that she loves him. He said that they've been through a lot of stuff and they did have a good life for a long time. He said they've veered apart over the years though.
Howard wanted Sal to tell them how he knew that she loved him. Sal said that he thinks that she would leave him if she really didn't love him. Dr. Keith said that he should know now that the woman he chose is having trouble feeling and expressing what she feels in her heart. He said he doesn't think that this is all Sal's fault and he's not to blame for the whole thing. Christine said that she is there this morning for Sal, that must show something. Dr. Keith said that the question is if she can take the chance again and try to go back to where they were.
Christine said that Sal will continue to abuse that love for her by making those stupid jokes of his. Dr. Keith said he likes that she's sharing Sal's water. He said that's something. Christine went on to say that she's a mother already and she doesn't want Sal talking about her on the air and making fun of her in front of people.
Christine said that Sal is saying these things about her on TV and wondered why he embarrasses her and humiliates her. He said that he does that to make himself feel comfortable. She said that stuff hurts her though.
Dr. Keith asked Sal about his childhood. Sal said it was pretty bad and then told him about his father going to a hair dresser and making out with another woman, who wasn't his mother, and then told him to keep his mouth shut. He said that he also met his half-brother when he'd died. He said that he didn't know he had another brother until he was brought to the guy's funeral. His father was very detached according to Sal and he said that it was a very messed up childhood. He was getting into some heavy stuff so Howard told Christine that this would be a good time to laugh.
Howard asked them why they stopped therapy. Sal said he thinks that it was that they didn't like the therapist. Howard and Dr. Keith were also suggesting that Christine take Sal's hand and tell him that he's making fun of her when she does that stuff and maybe he'll see what he's doing to her. Dr. Keith said that both of them seem to be leading double lives. They could possibly heal each other if they work together to do that and put an end to their living their parent's lives.
Sal threw out another joke that was something that Christine might take wrong so Howard pointed it out to him. Christine then joked about it herself. Artie got on the megaphone and started to goof on that whole thing by asking her some questions and saying that he has to call in 29 more times. Howard was going to take some phone calls but Artie wasn't letting up with the emotional friend impression.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that Dr. Ablow is right on point and asked Christine if she wanted to avoid all of that stuff in her life. Of course she did. Dominic said that they both picked each other but they're not equipped to fix their problems and he wondered if they could ever be equipped to do such a thing. Howard said that Christine is closed off and Sal is closed off too so maybe they never can get to that point where they can fix this relationship.
Howard asked if they're doomed to play out this whole thing that their parents played out for the rest of their life. Dr. Ablow said ''No'' and explained how they can get past this and change their marriage for the better. Artie did some more of his emotional friend thing and had Christine laughing.
Howard asked Sal and Christine if they really want to try to fix this. Sal said that he loves Christine and he wants to make this work. He said that he will always love her. Howard asked him what it is about her that he loves. He said that she's beautiful, she's got a great body, she's a great mother... Artie interrupted with more of his emotional friend thing and put and end to that.
Howard took some phone calls and a guy told them they had guts to do something like this on the air. He said he thinks that they can change things and make it better. He said that they have to keep going to therapy though. Dr. Ablow said that part of what Sal loves about Christine is what she went through in her life and her pain. Bobo called in and said that he doesn't see a serious side to Christine and she must be laughing because she's so nervous about everything. Artie broke into his emotional friend thing again and goofed on the whole thing again.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he wanted to talk shit about the show but it turned out to be a good show. Sal asked the guy what he would do if his wife had an emotional friend. He said he wouldn't allow it.
Howard asked Sal who he loves more, him or his wife. Sal said that was ridiculous to ask, it was obvious after the crying and stuff that he obviously loves him more than his wife. He was joking about that. Christine said that Sal was this person even when she met him but now it's magnified even more because he's on the show and all.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what kind of panties Christine was wearing. Howard said he was wondering the same thing but when he asked her about them, she said she wasn't going to say. Howard gave Dr. Ablow a plug for his book ''Living the Truth: Transform Your Life Through the Power of Insight and Honesty'' and then took some more phone calls.
Ralph called in and asked about this relationship and if Dr. Ablow thinks that this could work out. Dr. Ablow said that he doesn't think that Sal should keep Christine from talking to that friend. Sal asked him if he's out of his fucking mind when he said that. He said that he once asked her if she thought she could have gone into something more than a friendship if he hadn't stopped her from doing it. She said yes. Sal said that he did let her go back to talking to the guy for a while but then they started doing it in private again and he had to cut that off. He said that she did have a talk with the guy and cut things off but then they got back into it and started talking again in private.
Christine said that she doesn't check Sal's e-mail and phone but he feels free to do that with her stuff. Dr. Ablow said that this guy didn't ruin the relationship, he was an innocent bystander. He said that Sal shouldn't want to be her policeman and stop her from doing this stuff. Howard said that Dr. Ablow makes a good point. He said that when he started dating Beth, he told her that she should do what she wants to do. He didn't want to tell her what to do. She just never had the desire to go talk to her ex-boyfriends and people like that.
Howard asked Sal what he thinks he's doing by stopping her from talking to this guy. If he cuts her off, she may just pine away for him and want him even more, if she's actually in love with the guy or something. He asked her if she misses talking to the guy. She said she does and she's said that already.
The guys said that they think that Sal should let her talk to the guy. Sal said that she might as well blow him in front of him then. Howard asked what people are supposed to do if they don't have money for a therapist. Dr. Ablow said that they have to look into their own backgrounds and try to figure out the secrets of what went on in their lives. He suggested buying his book too.
Howard asked Christine if she's ever thought about what her life would have been like without Sal. She said that she has thought about what it would be like to have someone who loves her and is her best friend and doesn't want to hurt her. Sal said that this humiliation stuff just seems to have sprouted out of nowhere. Dr. Ablow tried to talk to Sal about that but Sal wouldn't let him talk. He has his own thoughts on what men want and why the guy wants to be friends with his wife.
Dr. Keith was saying that this 143 guy really shouldn't matter. Sal said that he thinks that they're getting along better now and things are going okay. He said he did put his head on her chest last night and she asked him to take it off because it felt like a boulder. The guys suggested that Sal go out with Christine shopping at Bloomingdales or something. Sal said that she does that on her own behind his back already so he doesn't need to do that.
Dr. Keith said that Sal should get Christine a necklace that says 143 on it and even get her a sexy dress and send her out to a bar and flirt with men. Howard asked Sal and Christine if they want to keep doing therapy with Dr. Ablow. Sal said no and said that he thinks that they're doing okay as it is. Christine wanted to continue with this off the air. Sal said he would do that, he didn't mean to say no earlier. He thought they were talking about doing more on the air.
Howard wrapped up with everyone and gave Dr. Keith another plug for his book. Sal had some advice for the young couples out there. He said that if you have those feelings and you feel you're in love, reach down deep inside and don't get married. He said that doesn't mean that he's not happy in his marriage. He said that marriage is just not good. He suggested that the kids out there stay in love, just don't get married. Howard said that Sal is going to continue to humiliate his wife in a marriage just like his father did. He said that all of the anger is coming out all of a sudden and he's basically saying that guys shouldn't settle down with women and they should just go out and bang. Sal said he wasn't just saying that to guys, he was saying that to everyone.
Howard and the guys told Sal that he was basically saying that his marriage was a disaster and he didn't think that anyone else should do it. Sal said that he loves his wife and wants a good marriage but it's really tough and it's not easy to have a good marriage. Howard wrapped up and said he had to break. He got in a plug for the movie ''Heartbreak Kid'' which was a sponsor of the segment.
Howard was about to go to break but Robin was asking Sal about his crazy comments that he'd just made. Sal said that his father always told him not to get married. The guys figured that he was trying to be just like him. Sal said that wasn't the case. He said that people out there shouldn't jump into marriage, they should let it go on for an extra 5 years and see how it goes. Sal was all over the place with his comments and wouldn't admit that he regretted getting married. He said that if he had gone an extra 5 years himself, he still would have gotten married. If it was 10 years, maybe not.
Howard asked Dr. Ablow if he thinks that this marriage will last. Dr. Ablow said he thinks it could but Fred played Taps as he was saying that. Howard tried to end it again but Dominic Barbara called back in and asked Sal if he wanted to apologize to his wife for something he'd just said. Howard took a couple of phone calls after that and one guy went off on Christine saying that she sounds like a cunt today. Artie threw in a couple more emotional friend comments and then Howard went to commercial.
Quentin Tarantino And Daryl Hannah Come In. 04/15/04. 7:15am
After the break Howard had Quentin Tarantino and Daryl Hannah come in to promote ''Kill Bill Vol. 2'' which comes out soon. Howard liked the dress that Daryl was wearing. As soon as he told her it was nice she closed it up. He knew he should have kept his mouth shut. Howard then moved on to talk about Quentin doing American Idol. Quentin wondered why they were goofing on him if they were watching the show themselves. Quentin got the chance to go on there and tell the people what he thought about their performances.
Howard asked Quentin and Daryl if they've ever slept together. Quentin said that they did have some drinks one night and they cuddled but that was about it. Howard thought Daryl was saying ''no'' as Quentin was describing that night. Howard was still distracted by Daryl's dress so he said something about how great it was. Daryl then covered herself up again so he decided to keep his mouth shut.
Howard told Quentin that he really liked ''Kill Bill Vol. 2'' when he saw it the other day. Robin didn't like the first one so Quentin wondered what she thought of this one. Robin didn't get a chance to see it yet though so she didn't have a review of it. Howard liked the casting and told Quentin how much he enjoyed it.
Howard read a statement that Quentin made about Uma Thurman and their relationship. Quentin was denying ever having had sex with Uma but the quote made it sound like they had. Howard figured he was just afraid to say anything because he'd be afraid that Ethan Hawke would kick his ass. Quentin said that he's not afraid of that and the question he was asked for that article was completely different than what it looked like.
Howard asked Daryl about the guy who she's dating now. She would just say that it's really nice to be with someone who is really nice. Howard read that it's some guy in charge of a hotel. Daryl wasn't interested in talking about that though. Howard couldn't get much out of her about that. Howard tried to find out if she's repulsed by his looks after going out with people like J.F.K. Jr. and Jackson Browne. She told him he hides behind his glasses and that big microphone so she can't get a good view of him. He thinks that she would date a dead JFK Jr. Today before she'd date him.
Quentin told Howard that Rosie Perez has a foot thing and has talked about how great Howard's feet are. Daryl wanted to see his feet but he didn't get around to taking off his shoes.
Howard asked Daryl if Jackie O disliked her while she was dating JFK Jr. Daryl said that she had a great relationship with Jackie and none of those stories are true about her being hated. She said she had known John since she was about 15 years old. Howard forgot that she came from a rich family. They spent a short time on that but Howard wouldn't get off the subject of JFK Jr. So Daryl asked him if he's gay for him or something. Howard wondered if it would be hard for Daryl to get off with a guy like him after being with a guy like JFK Jr. She said she didn't think that would be a problem if the guy is nice and she's into him.
Howard got back to Quentin again and asked him about dating Margaret Cho. Quentin said they were never boyfriend/girlfriend. Margaret said that she has had boyfriends that she had to satisfy with a strap on so Howard wondered if he was one of those guys. Quentin said that he is not that guy and he didn't do anything like that.
Howard was trying to get more information out of Daryl about JFK Jr. but she wasn't into talking about it that much. Howard eventually got her to talk about how she hooked up with him and started dating him but there wasn't much of a story there.
Howard got back to the movie ''Kill Bill Vol. 2'' and talked about how great the movie was. He took some phone calls after that and Zolar called in as a woman who had an affair with him a few years ago. He did a great female voice and then got back to his deep regular voice. Quentin thought that was a great call. Another caller asked Quentin what he has planned for Kill Bill 3. He doesn't have any plans at this point but he may do something in the future. Quentin said they had a lot of fun doing the movie but it will take him and Uma about 15 years to get over all of the hard work they put into it.
A listener asked Quentin if he has ever fantasized about Daryl or Uma while pleasuring himself. He says he never has. Howard wasn't sure he believed him or not though. Quentin said he usually thinks of past experiences when he's doing that. Daryl told Howard that Quentin has a large collection of Barbie dolls so Howard told him that Richard Simmons also has a large collection of the dolls. Quentin seemed to think that Howard was pulling his leg about that but he was serious.
Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that. He mentioned that ''Kill Bill Vol. 1'' made $180 million worldwide which is pretty good. Robin said it's no ''Passion of the Christ'' but it's not bad. Quentin seemed kind of annoyed by that little dig. Shuli called in and asked one last question before the interview was over. He asked Daryl if she's ever had third input sex. She claims she's never done that. Howard went to break after that.
Today's special was over around 10:20am.
Jon said that he wanted to wish Robin Quivers a happy birthday today. He said this is a special one for her. He said every one is special after what she went through.
Jon said he thinks some people there like their birthdays and for others it's just a regular day. Jon asked Richard if he cares. Richard said it's nice when people remember and care. He said his is easy to remember. He said his is on April 1st so it's easy to remember. Richard said he loves celebrating it. He said there's really nothing going on around that time so it gives him something to celebrate. He said he feels bad for people who have birthdays around Christmas because they usually only get one gift to combine the two. He said JD's is like that since it's on December 29th.
Benjy asked if Richard feels that his birthday is symbolically special. Richard said it is. He said that he's gotten the chance to be a fool on the radio. Benjy said Gary the Retard's birthday is on February 29th so his birthday is special too. Jon wondered if he only celebrates it every 4 years. He said he thinks that Gary enjoys his life all the time and celebrates it like every day is his birthday.
Jon said his birthday celebrations aren't that important to him. He said he was never in school when he had his so he never had people coming up to him about it. Jon said his falls around Thanksgiving so he can sometimes get to celebrate by watching football on Thanksgiving day.
Richard asked if the guys have birthdays with famous people. Benjy said he doesn't with the birthday he gives out. Richard said he didn't know that wasn't the right day. Jon didn't either. Jon asked why he would change the date. Benjy said it's just for fun. Benjy said he heard Hitler did that to make it the most powerful date in the zodiac or something. Richard said he thinks that George Takei's is on the same day.
Benjy asked when Jon's is. Jon said it's November 24th. Jon said Robin's is today. Benjy didn't know. He asked if they're sure. They were. Richard said his mom's was yesterday.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Richard and his wife ever get in arguments. Richard said every couple does but it's never anything crazy for them. He said he'll ask her to hold their guinea pig and she's too tired to hold it so that's the kind of stuff they'll argue about.
Jon said today they played the segment where Sal and his wife had a meeting with Dr. Ablow. He said it seems like every couple has an argument at some point. Benjy said that Howard has said he doesn't. He said maybe he's lying or that's something he's dealing with in therapy. Jon said Howard has mentioned a couple of minor things that they've squabbled about. He said they do seem to be very happy together though. He said they're always holding hands.
Benjy said that he finds Richard and his wife the happiest couple. Jon said for the most part the wives and spouses get along very well. He said they rarely see each other together though. He said it's hard to judge at a party or something.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it's really cool what they're doing with the Wrap Up Show. He said that he has to complimenting them. Jon thanked him for that. The caller asked if they ever get a day off. Jon said he gets time off. He said it's tricky though. He said they may pre-record some stuff at times. He said they like to do this show though. He said they have a lot of stuff that happens there.
Jon said Gary doesn't blow up a lot but he gets really upset when he does. He said things must build up and then it blows. He said that's what happened with Sal in that clip this morning. Jon said Scott used to do that too. He said some people get upset with him for not blowing up like that anymore. Richard said when Scott and Gary get angry they end up getting upset that they did. He said when Scott does it now it's like Haley's comet. He said it's the greatest thing when it does happen.
Benjy said that he can't imagine Richard getting angry. He asked if he's ever done that on the street or anything. Richard said he did with a cab driver one day when he almost got run over. Jon said he thinks Richard is a happy go lucky kind of guy. He said he doesn't think Benjy is though. Benjy said sure he is. Jon said Benjy has his moods. Benjy said he thinks that he and Richard bond a lot over spiritual kind of stuff. He said he thinks that's his best self. He said that he asks Richard about the alcohol thing.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they can do some research for him and find a segment where he pretended he was deaf. Jon said they'll throw that over to the Tapes Team. The caller asked if they think that thing with Dr. Ablow helped with Sal and Christine. Jon said they can try talking to Sal about that. He said he doesn't think that helped that much but he thinks they're in a much better place than they were then. He said one of the things they heard today was Sal blaming himself for everything. He said Christine was letting him do that. He said he remembers getting on Sal for that. He said Sal didn't do everything wrong and he had to recognize that. He said he thinks them airing it out on the show helped them a bit. He said he thinks they've been doing well ever since. Richard said he thinks that Christine shooting him in the ass with the paintball gun helped them too. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that her husband shares a birthday with Bill Clinton and she shares one with Hillary. Jon asked if she thinks that's a coincidence. She said it is. Jon said she is correct. She said it is kind of funny. She said she agrees with their political views too.
Jon asked if birthdays mean less to you as you get older. Richard said they do. He said he just turned 40 and he's glad he's made it that far. He said he's looking at it that way. JD said he doesn't really deal with it. He said since his late teens it hasn't been a big deal to him. Benjy asked JD if it's scary thinking about how he's getting older. JD said it is.
Jon said Sal just came in. He said that they were talking about that segment and wondering if Dr. Keith helped him. Jon asked Sal what he thinks about that. Sal said Jon was right about it helping them overall. He said that Dr. Ablow gave him his number and said he could reach out to him. He said he did once or twice and he was great. He said you can go to all the therapy you want and if you don't want it to work then it won't.
Jon said Sal broke down and cried a few times in the segment today. Sal said he had a lot going on. He said he had things in his head and he was trying to go through all of that. He said his wife would laugh at him in therapy and it was her way of reacting to it. He said at the end of the day it's all good. Benjy asked Sal if he could erase it from the show, would he? Sal said he would. He said he has kids who may have questions he'll need to answer. Jon said he thinks he's going to have a lot of questions to answer.
Jon asked if he's really okay with the kids seeing him having George Takei grabbing his cock. Sal said that's great comedy. He said that his kids will get to see that stuff. Benjy said that Sal's oldest son is 14 now so he's got to be aware of that stuff. Sal said he is. He said they're fine with it. They went to break a short time later.
Sal said that he took his kids to see them at Jones Beach and he went with Brian Phelan and his kids... and Larry Caputo. Sal said he made up the kids and he could have done that for Larry but he didn't want to do that to his friend. He said Larry is a good man.
Sal said when he was at the KISS show it was the middle of God of Thunder and his kids were having a good time. He said he got choked up thinking about how they were having a good memory. He said he started welling up. He said his kids turned to him and asked if he was crying. Sal said he wasn't and blamed it on the smoke from the stage. He said he thinks that he played it off. Sal said it was a great bonding moment for him and his sons. He said that things like that are very rare. He said he felt so good knowing that his kids will talk about that moment and that made him emotional. He said he was trying to get into their frame of mind. He said you can take that stuff for granted. He said that kids will mirror you and you have to embrace that stuff.
Jon said that his kids know their dad is a KISS fan and they might do it because their dad is a fan. Sal said his kids are in their own groove. He said he introduced them to KISS and other things and they like it. He said they even go on YouTube and watch stuff to do with KISS.
Sal said his son Antonio plays the drums and he loves Richard. He said he was playing Parasite and he watches different versions of the song from different drummers and he can point out whose it is. He said he was playing one day and he asked which one he was playing. He said his son told him that was his own version.
Sal said he never really went to carnivals as a kid. He said now he loves going to them with his kids. He said it's just great to see those things going on at night with the Ferris wheel going.
Jon asked Sal what he would do if his kids didn't like KISS and they said it wasn't that good. Sal said he'd be fine with it. Sal said he hates the song ''Lick it Up'' and he'd just sit down during the performance at the concert. He said that his son actually told him to just get up and enjoy it. He said he likes that.
Sal said Larry was getting swarmed by the fans at the concert. He said it's a lot of older women who are into him. He said he's like a pussy magnet. He said they're not going after that but it's funny to see the mom metal chicks taking pictures with Larry. He said he was the big stud over there at the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Richard was talking about the red bellies. He said he went to school in Harlem and they slapped guy's asses on their birthday. He said he got smacked so hard that he couldn't sit down for like 3 weeks.
Jon asked Richard if he can recall the sting of that smacking on the belly. Richard said he can. He said it was brutal. Richard said he thinks it's better than getting it on the ass.
Jon asked Sal if he cares about birthdays. Sal said sure, why not? Jon said some people would rather forget about it. Jon said he likes going out and finding a different place to go. He said he loves going out to diner for birthday celebrations.
Jon asked Sal how the porn thing is going. Sal said he's refraining as much as he can and it's going good. JD laughed. He said Sal just said ''as much as I can.'' Sal said that sometimes when everyone is out of the house you just go at it like crazy. He said he has gotten surprised a couple of times. He said he once spiled a can of paint on the floor because of it. Sal said another time he was jerking off and his wife showed up and he was drinking a drink. He said that he was mid cum and he went to take a sip when his wife walked in. He said he saw jizz on the lid of the drink so it didn't work out the way he was hoping it would. Jon wrapped up the show after that. They were done around 11:15am.