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Howard and the guys were back from their 2 week vacation. Howard started the show talking about being back live. He said people were wondering if they'd ever come back. Howard said he was having a good time on vacation. He said he didn't do anything in particular. He said he just likes sleeping in. He said it was exciting to just sit there like a vegetable. He said he loves his time off and now he's back. Howard said he sometimes thinks about throwing in the towel. He said he can't stay away from the collective ''you'' which meant Robin and everyone else. He said he could stay away from Benjy though.
Howard said he sees GonzoShitCock is on the phone. He said he sees there's a new thing with people who send in song parodies too. He said they're creating songs for everyone but Wolfie. Howard said even Gonzo has a song now. Howard played that song for him. Howard said Gonzo became that because of Eric the Actor. Howard said Eli Braden used that ''ack, ack'' thing into his song.
Howard said he has Eric on the phone too. Howard said he thinks Eric has a new theme song too. Howard played that for Eric and they had the ''ack, ack'' sound in that too. Eric said he does not make that sound. Robin thought it was Eric making that sound. Howard said it's from the movie ''Mars Attacks.''
Gonzo said that Eric has been really mean to him lately on Twitter. He said he made a fake account up too so he could tweet. Eric kept telling him to shut up. Gonzo said that he has to admit that it was a fake account. Eric said this is why he calls him a fuck up. Howard asked if he's telling the truth. Eric said he let him in on that to try and test his loyalty. He said he screwed it up. Howard asked if he's saying that he did that just to see if he was loyal. Eric said that's what it was. Gonzo said he blocked him and he said that he wouldn't release the audio tapes of him. He said he didn't unblock him so he told everyone. Eric said he's Mr. Bullshit.
Howard said Gonzo fell for it and Eric exposed him. Eric said the reason he got blocked again because he exposed him. He said he called in with that information and then he blocked him. Howard played another Gonzo song parody from Little Mikey. Howard said there's a lesson in all of this. He said if you're trapped in a house all day you end up fighting with GonzoShitCock.
Howard said Gary and Wendy the Retard made some prank calls to Eric. Eric said he was trying to sleep and they kept waking him up. Howard said they didn't understand his Amazon.com Wishlist. Howard said Gary and Wendy want all of his items sent to them and not Eric. Howard played the call and they were telling Eric they wanted him to buy them stuff. Eric hung up on them so they called back. He kept hanging up and they kept calling back asking him to buy them stuff. Eric kept asking them to leave him alone but they kept asking for him to buy them stuff.
Howard said he thought he'd be more sympathetic to them. Gonzo said Eric is just upset that he was the dumbest one on that phone call. Howard said he thought he'd be more empathic with them. Gonzo kept interrupting. Howard said he thought he was friends with Eric but it seems they're not. Gonzo said Eric can't take a joke. He said he just goofs around with him and he gets mad at him. He said he can't take a joke. Eric said he was never friends with Gonzo. He said he unblocked him reluctantly.
Howard was about to wrap up with them but Eric said he had something else to say. He said Gonzo wanted him to drop Johnny and let him be his agent. He said he sent them a list of something but Howard cut Eric off and said he has a lot to get to today. He said he isn't sure Gonzo is a powerful player in Hollywood. Howard asked Gonzo if he wants to be his agent. Gonzo said Fratto doesn't have time to work for Eric and Eric doesn't even pay him. Gonzo said he has connections. He said he's in Sacramento and he can get Eric some stuff. Eric said he's not getting him any acting roles. Howard said he's the one getting him the acting roles. Eric said Johnny is the one who finishes the deals for him.
Gonzo said he doesn't have much of a life after his job. He said he already spends his time on Eric so he might as well make it lucrative for Eric. Howard said he has to let them go but it looks like Eric has someone on his side. Eric said he doesn't want him in his life. He said even if he won the contest challenge he would give up on the entertainment business. He said he'd never call the show again. Gonzo said if he didn't like him so much then why would he come up with a contest. He said that doesn't make sense.
Howard said they learned a few things today with them. Howard said they found out this guy doesn't have a girlfriend and he's spending a lot of time contacting Eric. Howard said they hope to learn more in the future. He played them out with a GonzoShitCock song parody.
Howard took a call from Mariann who said she loves a theme song. She said AGT is starting live in two weeks from tomorrow. She said she's so into it. Howard played her Eli Braden song parody again. Howard said she has her own theme song. Mariann asked if he's going to play that every time for her. Howard said he will. Mariann said there are so many things to talk about today. She mentioned a Joey Boots thing but Howard said he knows about that and he'll be talking to him about that later.
Howard said his mother called while he was on vacation. He said she said she had a bone to pick with him. Howard said he wondered what he did to his mother. He said she asked what is with AGT and how they keep showing the same shows over and over. Howard said he was banging his head into the wall. Howard said she knows he's not in charge of the show. Howard said maybe she thinks he has some control over it. Howard said he gets annoyed and tells her it's just a rerun. Howard said she doesn't know why they replay them. Howard said he told her he had no idea what was going on. He said he just didn't want to let her know she was annoying him. Howard said she kept asking why they do that.
Howard said he loves that his family likes the show but they don't have to bother him about that. Howard said she was complaining about how people don't know when to tune in. Howard said he kind of has the same feeling but he's on vacation and thinking about AGT. He said that's the last thing he wants to think about. Howard said he was getting upset about the whole thing. Howard said he told his mom that they must know what they're doing. Howard said his mom was saying she talks to people and they don't know what to think either. Howard said she can't be talking to anyone. He said she's a shut in.
Howard said he went to his mother's house and their TV was so loud you could hear it on the street. Howard said they have it up so loud. Howard said his dad's birthday was recently and he called to talk about that. Howard said they went to Nathan's for hot dogs like they do every year. Howard said his mother said his dad ate 3 hot dogs with Sauerkraut. Howard said they actually drive there. Howard said he called to say happy birthday to his dad and he just says thank you over and over. Howard said he doesn't have much else to say.
Howard said his daughter said something and he told his dad about that. He said his dad just wants to get off the phone. He said he wants to get his dad one of those big horn things so he can hear. Howard said he probably didn't hear a thing he said.
Howard said his mom was ripping into him with the AGT thing. Howard said he couldn't get her off of that. He said it went around in circles and she didn't get off the subject. Howard said he told his mom that maybe it was because of viewership at certain times of the year. He said these reruns were around the time that the fourth of July. He said he didn't know what else to tell her. Howard said his mom asked about some girls on the show and he had no idea who she was talking about.
Howard said sometimes he takes Beth over to visit his parents and they bring dinner. Howard said when they did that his mom started in with him again about AGT. Howard said he'd mention Mel B and Heidi Klum and she'd ask who they are and why they're there. Howard said she talks about how they carry on when a man takes off his shirt. Howard said you don't even know how to respond to that. Howard said then his mom says she finds a man with brains and a good sense of humor sexy. Howard said then she'll point to his father. Howard said his mom is way into America's Got Talent. Howard said having his mom is like having someone from a foreign country. He said she can't hear when he curses.
Howard said his mom asked if he really thought that they'd let a little boy throw knives at his little sister. Howard said he doesn't remember the acts. He said he isn't in change of that stuff. He said his mom asks if he's going to let them do that. Howard said he told her he'd ask the producers about it. Howard said she's relentless though. He said she doesn't stop with that subject. Howard said he's just trying to eat and she won't back off. Howard said he eventually told her that it was a magic trick. He said she asked what he meant by that. Howard said he told her that it was just a guy throwing something and it just looks like he's doing it. Howard said he was lying to his mother though. He said it's a real thing. He told her that he just stands close to her. Howard said then his mother said he was still throwing knives at his sister. Howard said it was unbelievable. He said this makes him crazy. Howard said it's great they're into it but they don't stop.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that's one thing that sucks about the show that they have reruns. Howard said that's not what he wants to hear about though. He said that he has no control over it at all. The caller said he figured he would have some pull over there. Howard said he really doesn't and he's sure they have their reasons for that stuff. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard said someone told him that JD went to Las Vegas during vacation. Howard said he thought that was kind of funny. He said he must have wanted to experience not getting laid in another city. Howard said JD said he wanted to go relax in Las Vegas. He said being in the center of a volcano is more relaxing than Las Vegas. He said maybe he should just lay down on train tracks to relax or go to Afghanistan. Howard said maybe he can go to Oscar Pistorius' bathroom to relax.
Howard asked JD to come in and explain himself. Howard said he heard he has a friend out in Vegas. Howard said he would love to interview that guy over President Obama. Howard asked JD who the guy is. JD said he's a guy he knows out there. He said he knew Sal and came to one of the block parties and they've been in touch since. JD said he went to a concert with the guy and things like that. He said he didn't get any girls while he was out there. JD said he tried to set up something but that didn't work out. JD said he was supposed to meet up with someone but that didn't happen.
Howard said he jerked off last night. He asked JD if he did too. JD said he was there working last night. Howard said he was on YouPorn and he knows there must be better sties out there but he doesn't know about them. Howard said they change the clips often on the site and he loves it. Howard said they have so much good stuff. He said he wishes they had that when he was a kid. He said his dick would have fallen off though.
Howard asked JD how many times he jerks off a week. JD said it's a couple, few. Robin laughed. Howard said he saw a clip of a hot teen going in for a phony audition. Howard said this girl looked like she was 18 at the most. He said she wanted to be in porn and this girl who interviewed her was asking her questions. He said the girl who wanted in was super hot. Gary came in and said he has seen similar scenarios and they're great. He said he saw one where a guy calls into an office and complains about the cleaning lady and says he has to talk to her about her job. He said he asks her what she's willing to do to keep her job and it goes from there. Howard asked if there has ever been a hot cleaning lady. Gary said there are a couple. He said they had one at K-Rock that the guys were all into.
JD said there are even videos where they do pawn shop things where they try to negotiate and it ends up as sex.
Howard asked JD if he was able to relax in Vegas. JD said he was a little bit. He said part of this was just to get out and do something. He said he never goes anywhere. He said he usually goes to visit his parents. He said he sort of knows Vegas. He said he's probably not the vacation type. Howard said that's shocking. Howard said it looks like he had a couple of good meals out there. JD told him to stop it.
Howard said he pictures people in Vegas thinking that he's from some foreign country speaking the way he does. He played his song parody again.
Gary said he just heard that the guy JD stayed with is a porn producer and he didn't have any girls there. Gary said the guy's name is Vick Lagina. Howard said he's heard of him. Howard asked JD if he stayed at his place. JD said he did. He said it's a nice house. Robin asked if he does his work at that house. JD said no. He said his girlfriend was there and she's hot. Howard asked JD why he didn't have any hot chicks there. JD said he thinks they just got back together and they're trying not to have anything messed up in their relationship with other girls around.
Howard said that's great. It was wild until JD got there. JD said he got into a relationship himself so that was the other thing. Howard asked if it's a real girl. JD said it is. He said some of the people have met her there. Howard said he just read that she's a 10. He said Steve Brandano has met her. Howard asked if it's 10 years old or a 10. JD told him to stop it. Howard asked if she's as hot as Benjy's girlfriend. JD said he doesn't want to compare. Robin asked how this happened. JD said it was through Facebook. He said they were corresponding through there.
Howard said he has to hear a report from Steve. JD said he doesn't want to screw things up. Steve said they went out one night for the World Cup thing. Howard asked if that's over now so he doesn't have to hear about it. Steve said it is. He said the girl is very pretty and she seems very normal too. Howard asked JD if he's in love. JD said they like each other a lot. He said this has been going on a couple of months. Steve said he heard that he had her over to his house and they watched The Kentucky Fried Movie together. Howard said that's not right. Howard said he should watch something else.
Howard asked if JD was acting like a boyfriend. Steve said she was. Howard asked if she wasn't repulsed. JD laughed. Steve said that she seemed like the one in control. Howard said that's what Fred needed too. Howard said he can't imagine JD having a Fred-like metamorphosis though. He said Fred is a worldly man now. Howard said Fred was really bad. He said he had trouble making eye contact. He said he had the symptoms of having Down Syndrome. Howard said he lived in a basement and he didn't have any friends. Fred said he loves how this goes on while he's sitting there. Howard said Alison changed Fred for the better. Fred said absolutely. Howard said Fred's wife is like the woman who helped Helen Keller. Howard said that's what she is to them.
Howard asked about this girl leading JD around. Steve said it's in a good way though. Howard said that she hasn't worked on his look yet. JD said it's baby steps. Howard said Alison worked on Fred's looks. Steve said there was a hand on the back once in a while. He said it's like a real couple. He said that he's never seen JD like that. JD said this is the first time in a long time. Howard said Steve doesn't even have a girlfriend. Steve said he doesn't but he'd date this girl. He said she's a real girl and in a good way.
Howard asked JD if he's intimate. JD said they have had some fun. Howard said he must be playing it right with her. Howard said JD has been known to just ask a girl to suck his cock. Howard asked what they mumble about. JD told him to stop again.
Howard asked if she spends nights at his place. JD said she does. Howard asked if she's from this country. JD said she is. Howard said he would have thought she was from Russia. Howard said he's probing to find out what really happened. Howard asked if she's a girlfriend. JD said he would say so. Howard said he's happy for him. Howard asked if he needs any advice. JD said he doesn't. Howard asked why he didn't hang with her on vacation. JD said this was already planned and she was working. He said she has a couple of jobs. He said she had plans that weekend anyway. He said she told him to go ahead and go. JD said that's why he went. Howard asked if he's going to be faithful to her. JD said he is. Robin said he's not a cheater. JD said he's not.
Howard asked if she was worried about him staying at Vick Lagina's house. JD said she's fine. Howard asked if he discussed it with her. JD said he did. He said he told her what was going on and they're comfortable with each other so it was fine. Howard said the odds of him cheating on her are slim anyway. Howard said it's not like he gets propositioned every day. JD asked if he can leave now. Howard asked if he would let her stay at Vick Lagina's house and if he gets jealous. JD said he doesn't feel jealous. Fred played some wedding music as Howard was wrapping up with JD. Howard said he would go to that wedding. Howard asked if he's picked out baby names yet. JD laughed and said no.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel and Molly had their baby over vacation. Howard said they named it Jane. Howard said he's very happy for them. Howard said he's guessing that means that Jimmy and Sarah have really broken up. Howard said he thinks Molly should become Molly Kimmel. Howard said now that they've had the baby they should be Kimmel. Howard said this is Jimmy going a very long way to end their relationship. Howard said it's a very passive aggressive move. Howard said he has to send a baby gift. Robin asked when it was born. Howard said it was over the weekend. He said he may send a little Squatty Potty.
Howard said he's issuing a challenge to see whose baby can walk first. David Arquette or Jimmy Kimmel's. Howard said he thinks that Jimmy and Molly are doing great after the birth. Howard said it's very exciting. Robin asked when he's going to go meet the baby. Howard said he will meet her when she's in college. Howard said, like JD, he's not going anywhere. Howard said congratulations to Jimmy and Molly. He said they had to take another break after that. He said he has to get to Joey Boots after that.
Howard came back and said that all of the Ramones are dead. Howard said they must have lived on a toxic waste dump or something. Howard said he would like to say a few words about those guys.
Howard said he has Joey Boots on the phone so he doesn't want to keep him waiting. Howard said Joey is one of the original guys to get on TV and yell out Baba Booey and Howard Stern's Penis on live TV broadcasts.
Joey said there were a couple of broadcasts on local WPIX and WOR stations. He said he went and yelled Baba Booey and Howard Stern's Penis and he was arrested and released. Howard said they said to Joey that if he agreed to stop doing it they'd dismiss all of the charges. Joey said they told him if he was good for 6 months it would go away. He said he wasn't going to agree to that. Howard said he heard he was marching around with 3 attorneys. Joey said they are attorneys who believe in the first amendment. He said they're fans of the show too. He said they wanted it overturned and that's what happened.
Joey said on June 30th the judge agreed that it did not meet the crime of disorderly conduct. Howard said the judge ruled correctly and he thinks he must have been a fan of the show too. Joey said the judge didn't think it was illegal. He said he thinks the judge might have been a fan. He said the officer didn't know what ''Baba Booey'' meant but the Judge seemed to smirk at it and he seemed like he knew what it was.
Howard asked Joey if he would have gone to jail if he lost the case. Joey said he's not sure. Joey said it may have been a large fine and community service. He said it all came down to his vindication. He said they don't have anymore right to the air space than he does out there.
Howard said it has to be inappropriate to say Baba Booey and Howard Stern's penis. He said Joey was going to retire from doing this but now he's back out there doing it again. Joey said the one he got arrested for was the coming out of retirement thing. He said once he got into it again it was like an alcoholic going into a bar.
Howard asked Joey if he asked himself why he came out of retirement. Joey said he didn't. He said he looked forward to going to court and having it declared legal. He said it turned out great. He said he went out and did another one this past Thursday after getting out of court. Howard said he has the audio of that to play. Howard said Joey was parading around like Lenny Bruce. He played the clip of Joey getting on WABC. He said this is Lenny Boots. In the clip the reporter was doing his live weather report and Joey came right in and started yelling out ''Baba Booey! Howard Stern's penis!''
Joey said the guy came to him and asked why he had to do that to him. Joey said he was just bringing some levity to the segment. He said he didn't stick around to argue with him. Howard said it's an important victory for the first amendment. Joey said that Baba Booey and Howard Stern's penis are now a protected thing. Howard asked if he's a freedom fighter. He said he should wear a cape when he does it from now on.
Howard said Joey is now taking his court transcripts and selling them. Howard said he has number 1 and Gary has number 2. Joey said he's selling them for $24.95 and you can send payments to JoeyBoots@aol.com. Joey said he had people asking to buy them so he figured he'd keep the price low and sell them matted. He said they are numbered and matted.
Howard asked Joey why he doesn't sell them behind the reporters. Joey said he could yell out his Paypal with Baba Booey.
Howard said ever since Joey came out he's only had sex with a couple of guys. Joey said it's been 7 years and he's only had 4 guys. He said it's not that he doesn't want to. He said he doesn't like the way he looks though so that's part of it. He said he's avoided it. Joey said he needs to lose weight and go to the gym. He said he can't eat right in his current living conditions. He said he lives in the same building as High Pitch Eric. Howard said no one could eat right into that building. Howard said it must be a building full of people who can't eat right.
Howard congratulated Joey on the victory. Joey said he's happy Howard is back and he loved the Birthday Bash. Joey said he's going to get Robin a copy of his transcript. Howard thanked Joey for calling in and let him go a short time later.
Howard said Joey Ramone died at 49. He said he still can't believe he's gone. Howard said he was a great radio guest. Howard said all of the guys have died young and it's weird. He asked what the odds are that they'd all die so young. Howard said they all died of cancer except for one who died of an overdose. Howard said that Joey had OCD and alcoholism. Howard said Johnny was fascinated by Hitler and the Nazis. Howard read about some of the other things that went on with the band and how strange some of the stuff was. H Howard said Johnny ended up stealing Joey's girlfriend and married her. Howard said Johnny didn't call Joey before he died but he did end up getting depressed after he died.
Robin said they tried to get them all back together a few times. Robin said it never worked but they tried. Howard said he's sorry to see that all of them are gone. Howard said he liked Joey very much. He said it's very sad. Fred was playing some Ramones songs as they were talking about all of that.
Howard said that it's a big victory for Joey and everyone now that they know it's legal to yell out Baba Booey. Howard played another example of a guy yelling it out during a broadcast about a plane crash. Howard said he had another one on FOX News during a live report about car buying. That guy was yelling out ''Baba Booey, Howard Stern's penis.''
Howard took a call from Wheels who asked if Howard was single would he do Jewel or Jillian Barberie. Howard said Jewel just announced to her fans that she's divorcing. Robin said she thought that was a working marriage. Howard said it was but now it's out of work. Howard said if he was single he would have fucked Jillian first. He said she's said that she would have sex with him. Howard said he thinks Jewel would take more work. He said she's going to make him work for it. Howard said he thinks that he'd be on the phone with Jewel immediately though. Howard said the way she looks and the singing like an angel. Howard said she must have been the one to leave her husband. Howard said no guy would leave her. He said maybe she left her husband because she's in love with him. Howard said she did perform his song at the birthday show. Howard played that song and said she's got such a great voice. Howard said if he was single he'd collaborate with her on his music. Wheels asked why he'd ruin things with that.
Howard said Jewel is a great catch. Howard said someone should go take advantage... or get into a relationship with her.
Howard said Rick Rubin filed documents to change his name Frederick to Rick. Howard said Fred isn't the only one who hates his name.
Howard said he has to get to Jenny McCarthy who just lost her job on The View. Howard said he's happy about it. He said now she can throw away those glasses she wore on the show. Howard said she's a hot chick and she should stop with the nonsense.
Howard said Shia LaBeouf was hauled out of the show Cabaret in handcuffs. Howard said they say he was yelling things out and smacking Alan Cummings on the ass during the show. Howard said he gets that. He said he can't sit through a play without acting out. Howard said he wishes he had been at that show. He said he would have loved to see Shia going nuts. Howard said that's the only kind of behavior that could wake him up during a performance. Howard said nothing exciting ever happens when he's at a show. Howard said he would go see a show like that.
Howard said he thought Bryan Cranston was great as LBJ but the theater was so cold. He said he wished he had worn a winter coat. Howard said he was cold with the wind blowing on him. He said he should have gone crazy like Shia LaBeouf did. Howard said he should have yelled out during the show. Robin said that's what people expect from him.
Howard said they did a survey about where the best place to live is and it's not The United States. Howard said they say it's actually Ireland. Robin said that's ridiculous. Howard said the United States is 21st on the list. Howard said he feels that Sal dragged us down on that list. Robin said a sea turtle came up on her back yard and laid eggs. Robin said that people were asking if she named it Sal. Robin said it was wonderful that it came up there. Robin said she discovered that it's a perfect job for Sal because once you lay the eggs you just leave. Howard said it was so great when Sal was hypnotized and thought he was a turtle in his past life. Howard said he couldn't even come up with something great under hypnosis. Howard said that's the greatest fantasy he could have.
Howard said King of All Blacks has a song parody now. Howard played that after picking up on King. The song parody was from Eli Braden. King said he doesn't like it. King said if JD really likes this girl he shouldn't let her know that he's going to be honest and not cheat on her. He said women don't like that. He said you don't explain yourself to women. He said you never do that. Fred started doing his impression of King. King told Howard he's the man. He asked Howard if it's over in a relationship when your woman has a relationship with a guy even if it's on the phone or kissing or whatever. Howard said he really has to go. Howard said he has no idea what he's saying. King said it's simple. He said if you're married and your wife has an extra marital affair over the phone with a guy then it's over. Howard said yes. King told him to tell Sal that. Howard played him out with his song parody. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Jenny McCarthy is there. He said there's a lot going on with her. Howard said she's been a guest on the show many times. Howard said she gets even hotter as time goes by. Howard said she's wearing hot pants today. Howard asked if her boobs got bigger. She said it's her new Victoria's Secret bra. Howard said that she looks fantastic. Jenny said Howard looks good. Howard said she's very sweet to say that. Howard said he thinks he looks like he was in a car wreck.
Jenny said she's engaged to Donnie Wahlberg. Howard said many people think this is a mistake. She said that she's getting married in a couple of months. Howard asked why she's getting married and how many will be there. She said about 80 people and no celebrities. She said Sherri Shepherd will be there though. Howard asked why she's into her. Howard said Jenny said that she wouldn't return to The View if Sherri didn't come back. Jenny said there has to be a lot of chemistry at the table. She said she has only gone out with her once but she will always have your back. Howard said she's so into her.
Howard asked Jenny if Mark Wahlberg will be at the wedding. Jenny said she would imagine yes. Howard said he heard he does not approve of Jenny. Jenny said that is not true. She said that Mark and his wife are very lovely.
Jenny said she wants to explain why Donnie is ''the one.'' Howard told her not to run away from the Mark thing. Howard asked when she met him. She said just this summer. She said that he's west coast and they're east coast. Jenny said she and Donnie have been together for about a year. Jenny said she has been trying to find ''the one'' and she went a year without dating. She said she was only doing things for herself. Jenny said she just wanted to be by herself for that year. She said she went through about 400 vibrators in that time. She said that she had no men during that time. Jenny said she had to detox from men. She said she needed to reset.
Howard said Jenny had to think about her life and where she was going. Jenny said as she gets older things are more complicated. She said Donnie came on her show and that's where she met him. Howard said you'd think she'd have no problems with the way she looks. Jenny said there aren't many men like Howard out there. Howard told her to ask his wife if he's such a prize. Jenny said that she's dated guys who turn out to be crazy or gay.
Howard said he read that Donnie, or Don as he likes to call him, is upset that she's still close to Jim Carrey. Jenny asked what he's reading. She said she talked to Jim in the beginning of the relationship just to make peace. She said she just wanted to move on with good heart and good head space. She said that was it. She said Donnie did not get upset. Howard said he would if he was with her. Jenny said maybe he was just being a good stand up guy. She said when people break up and it's hurtful if you don't make peace it can feel like shit.
Howard asked if Jim is bat shit crazy. Jenny said he's not. She said he's a grandpa now. Howard said that's hard to believe.
Howard said Jenny fell for Donnie and then made peace with Jim. Howard asked if she called him. Jenny said Jim called her. Jenny said that he just wanted to put everything behind them. Jenny said that was very grown up of him to do. Howard said Jenny talked very honestly about Jim on some shows like this one. Howard said he must have wanted to shut this broad up by doing that. Jenny said maybe it worked. She said with kids involved it's nice to have that.
Howard said Jenny's son was close to Jim and he said he didn't want to see him anymore. Jenny said that's one of the things that Jim talked about in the phone call. She said that she made that happen. She said she dropped her son off at Jim's house. Howard asked if she was comfortable with that. Jenny said she was. She said it was hard for her to explain to her son. She said her son walked away from that feeling complete.
Howard said that's a very mature story. Howard said he thinks that it came about because she came on the show talking openly about the relationship. Jenny said the outcome makes her feel like he made their lives better because of it.
Howard said he imagines that Donnie Wahlberg was a bit of a cocksman. Howard said he must have had a lot of women. Jenny said he did it and played the field. Howard said he thinks that Jenny is a very sexual person. Howard said he regrets that he never fucked her. Jenny asked if he'd let her sleep with Beth. Howard said yes but then no because she might turn Beth. Howard asked if she's done with women now. Jenny said she's 41 now and she wonders how much tuna she can eat. She said she's been with more girls than guys. Howard said poor Donnie is getting her now that she's done with girls.
Howard said Jenny is saying that Mark Wahlberg does approve of this wedding. Jenny said yes. Howard asked if the love life is still hot with Donnie. Jenny said that every girl should do that. She said if a man cheats on a woman then you're not doing your job.
Howard said he read that Jenny has a heart condition. Jenny said she has heart palpitations. She said usually you want to get your heart rate to 185 when you're running. She said her's is at 220 when she's at rest at times. She said that's why she's living it up every day. She said she can feel the heart going at that rate. Jenny said she can go to the gym but she has to keep her heart pace steady. Howard said he sees why Donnie is with her now. He said that he knows that she's going to be dead in 2 years and he'll be able to date.
Howard said he wants to talk about The View. Jenny said it was her best year ever. She said that it's not the best gig ever though. Howard asked what the best gig was. Jenny said Singled Out was great. She said the most rewarding was working with Barbara Walters for a year. She said that she talks to Barbara back stage and she's very sexual. She said she's the luckiest person because she was her last hire. Howard said he could see her working there for the next 25 years. Jenny said she could too.
Jenny said they were going through contract negotiations and she wasn't looking for more money. She said she wanted to keep the show on course and not change things too much. She said they were going back and forth fighting over some things. She said she went to this executive's house and she wondered why she was there. She said the guy got down on his knees and he tried to go down on her. She said she punched him in the head and his wife fell off and she yelled at Barbara that she wasn't going to do that again. She was joking. Howard asked her to get serious.
Jenny said Rosie is coming back to the show and if she wanted to stay there then she would have had to be republican. Howard asked if the ratings had anything to do with it. Jenny said the ratings actually went up a little bit when Barbara left. Howard said the show that Julie Chen is on went up though. Howard asked if Jenny thinks she played it too safe on the show. Howard said she's wild. Jenny said halfway into it she thought about how she wasn't able to be the best of herself there. She said she wanted to be able to speak without interrupting people. She said she didn't like doing it. She said maybe it was just a stepping stone for her so she could go somewhere else to be herself.
Howard said Jenny is usually the type of person who won't back down. Howard said maybe she should have come in there like a tornado and let it all out. Jenny said she probably should have.
Howard said Jenny took a lot of shit for her opinions on vaccines and autism. Jenny said she's still taking it. Jenny said she had a 4 hour legal meeting and she had to censor herself a lot when she was on the show. She said that she realized that in February. Howard said she should have just let it all out.
Howard said Julie Chen was on the show and said that Jenny was the wrong hire for The View because they didn't know how to use her there. Howard said it wasn't really an insult though. Jenny said she gets that. She said she knew what she was saying wasn't aimed at her.
Howard said Rosie O'Donnell is returning to The View. Jenny said the new dynamic that's coming to the table isn't what she wants to be a part of. Jenny said they have two Alphas there now. She said that Whoopi is one but Rosie is another tough chick.
Howard asked if Whoopi stepped in and tried to stand up for her. Jenny said that you can't all be democrats at the table. She said they have to mix it up a bit. Howard asked if she's done completely with the show. Jenny said they didn't meet eye to eye but it wasn't like she was fired and out. She said that she's going to finish the season out.
Howard asked Jenny if she's going to change her demeanor on the show. Jenny said she hates the interrupting part but she's been able to be more herself since Barbara left. Howard asked when her final show is and if she'll cry. Jenny said Sherri has been there 7 years. She said that this was just another job for her. She said it might bring a tear to her eye.
Howard said he thinks that people are happy she got canned from The View because she's so attractive. Jenny said they could be. She said her female fan base is pretty big. She said that she has a good female posse behind her.
Howard asked if Mark Wahlberg was against her being with Donnie at all. She said Mark has been awesome from the start. Jenny said she got the best Wahlberg. She said Howard keeps talking about Mark but she got the best. Howard asked if she got a hug from Mark. She said she got a hug and a kiss. Jenny told Howard that he's going to meet Donnie some day and he'll see that he's the best.
Howard asked Jenny why she has to rush into marriage. Jenny said she said she was never going to get married again but when you meet ''the one'' you want to be with them all the time. Howard said it's not about kids then why not date for the next 5 years. Jenny said casual sex is over rated. She said she wanted the love of her life and she has that with Donnie. She said she wants that every single day. Howard said that's because it's just a year into the relationship. Howard said that's why he waited 9 years to marry Beth. Jenny said it's also about her son. She said that he wanted a mom and a dad so this will bring that to him.
Howard asked who has more money. Jenny said that Donnie is doing very well for himself. She said she asked him to move in with her though. She said they're going to stay in New York too. She said she loves it there. Jenny said she moved to Chicago to get away from L.A. and she's not going back.
Howard said he read about the proposal and how the word Marry was spelled wrong on the sign. Jenny said that was spelled by her son. She said that the press made it seem like Donnie spelled it wrong. She said that's not what it was.
Jenny told Howard that she had to give a couple of guys houses because of common law. She said that she hated that. Jenny said she had to work her ass off for that money and these guys got her homes. Howard said he doesn't get that. He said the guy should be forced to wear a dress to court when that happens.
Howard said that Jenny isn't letting this View thing hold her back. Howard said he has a very exciting announcement to make. Howard said Jenny is going to have her own radio show there on SiriusXM. Howard said it's called ''Dirty, Sexy, Funny'' and it's premiering on Stars channel 106 this Wednesday night. Howard said that Jenny is going to bring on stand up comics and she's got two there with her today. Tammy Pescatelli and Lynne Koplitz were there so Howard had the guys bring them in. Howard asked them if this is a good idea for them. They were talking about how no one has done this for female comics.
Howard asked Tammy how long she's been doing this. She said she's been doing it since she was 20 and she's 45 now. Tammy said she was a smart ass as a kid and she decided to get on stage to do this. She said that she always had witty retorts for guys who asked her if her tits were real and she always had that. Tammy said she writes her stuff as if she's talking to an old friend that she's trying to catch up with.
Howard said Lynne auditioned for Saturday Night Live. Howard talked to her about being single and going out on the road. Lynne said she told her manager she wasn't going to stay in any comedy condos that clubs put their comics up in. She said that they're disgusting. She said it's like a creepy museum. Howard said it's like a frat house. Howard said you must wonder who else has a key to the room. Lynne said that it's dangerous to stay in a room like that. Lynn said that it's very easy to track someone down with GPS too. She said that guys will come to see her four times in a weekend and that's just creepy. Howard said that he hires people like that. Lynn said maybe it's best to keep them close.
Howard asked the girls if they think Jenny should get married so quickly. Howard asked if Donnie has a nice penis. Jenny said it's the nicest she's ever seen. Howard asked if it's dark. Jenny said she doesn't think so. Howard said he has seen guys who have curved cocks. He asked if Donnie has one. Tammy said that curved helps with the squirting thing.
Howard talked to Lynne about being offered the Saturday Night Live thing. She said she wasn't offered the job but she was offered an interview. She said she turned it down. She said she ended up getting a big deal later that year so it was fine.
Howard said he wants to make the announcement clear. Howard said Jenny is coming to SiriusXM. Howard said she's doing the show ''Dirty, Sexy, Funny'' and she won't be wearing the glasses. Howard said the show is premiering on Wednesday night at 6 on channel 106. Howard said the live show will be at Turning Stone Resort this Friday night.
One of the girls, I think it was Tammy, said that she married the guy who kissed Fred's wife in Tony and Tina's Wedding. Howard said he knows that Fred was upset with that guy after that. Howard said that went on for quite a while too. Tammy said she didn't know who the guy was at th time but she had tapes of him on the show. She said that she was mad at him after she listened to the tapes.
Howard said that Melissa McCarthy was on the show recently. Howard said that he thought they weren't that close but Jenny gave her a job as a personal assistant early on. Jenny said she's so proud of her cousin. She said that she's invited to the wedding too.
Howard said he wishes the girls luck with the shows. Howard said he's happy to have them on SiriusXM. Howard said he's happy to see Jenny in the halls there. Howard said she's there to say ''Fuck The View.'' Jenny said that she's there to thank The View. She said she's very grateful for this opportunity. Howard said he knows how to read Jenny. He said there are things that are upsetting her. Jenny said she just couldn't strap it on for Barbara anymore. Howard asked if she will start talking about The View once she leaves. Jenny said she has mad respect for the show and she has nothing but gratitude for Barbara. She said she's just going to move on and get back to being the real Jenny.
Howard asked Jenny if she dresses up for Donnie. Jenny said she does. She said she likes the stripper look but she's done the catholic school girl thing too. Howard said it sounds interesting to him. Howard asked if she has ever woken him up with a blow job. Jenny said she has.
Lynne said she did that once and the guy asked her to give him more time to sleep. She said he hit the snooze button on a blow job.
Howard spent a little more time talking to the girls and then Gary came in and said that Jenny has to go. He said she's still doing The View.
Gary asked if Jenny thinks that Sarah Palin could be involved with The View. Jenny said if she was a producer and she wanted to bring the show to be war. She said she would put Sarah Palin on the show. She sad that would be absolute war. She said she'd throw an Asian woman in there and Penny Marshall too. Howard said maybe the Asian could be Mr. Miagi. Howard said it's prefect that Jenny is there at SiriusXM. Howard thanked her and Tammy and Lynne for coming in. They went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Tan Mom is such a funny person. Howard said he heard that Rosie O'Donnell asked for no reality show stars be on the show and he thinks it has to do with Tan Mom. The caller said that he loves that Tan Mom can't answer any questions. Howard said he thinks that she could compete with Sal and win some money.
The caller, Vince, said that he was at a store and heard how much a pack of cigarettes cost. He said that they were as much as a whole carton cost when he quit. Howard said they used to be like 25 cents a pack when he was smoking. Howard said you have to be insane to smoke these days. Gary said he remembers when it was 25 cents. Gary said he has seen packs going for 11 or 12 bucks a pack in New York. Howard said he just read that they're up to $14 a pack in Manhattan.
The caller said the e-cigs have to be just as bad for you with all of the chemicals in them. Howard said he was thinking about the baby wipes he uses and how they have chemicals in them. Howard said maybe he should knock that off. Robin said there's no reason to go exploring the way Howard does.
Howard said Vince will be a part of the game if they get Tan Mom and Sal to play against each other. Howard said he has a Tan Mom game to play but he'll do that tomorrow.
Howard said the cast of the Today show are going to come by tomorrow. Howard said they're going to be simulcasting the Today show on SiriusXM. Howard said they'll be on the Today show with them tomorrow. Howard played a clip of the Today show crew talking about how they'll have Howard on tomorrow. One of the people was wondering how they'll do that since Howard's show isn't G-rated.
Howard said they have the Nicole Bass Dating Game coming up tomorrow too. Fred did his Herman Munster impression and answered some questions as if he were Nicole. Howard asked Nicole some questions and Fred answered with jokes as Nicole as a dude.
Howard said he read that Chuck Zito is dating Pam Anderson. Howard said that Chuck was there body guarding her once when he went to her hotel room. Howard said he's not sure if Chuck is doing another show for them but that would be a good subject. Robin said she read that she's divorcing Rick Solomon again.
Robin started her news with Emmy nominations. She had audio clips of the announcements being made about who the nominees were. Howard went over them and talked about how great some of the performances were. That led to Howard talking about shows that people are telling him to watch. Howard said Ralph told him he has to drop everything and watch Fargo. Robin said that's not what they're talking about right now. Robin had him play more of the nomination clips. They went over the nominees and Howard was saying that it's very hard to pick a winner because TV is so good these days.
Robin read a story about Sherri Shepherd being in some crazy child custody thing. Howard said he saw that and it's crazy. Robin said she and her husband are getting divorced and they had a surrogate mother have the baby. Now Sherri doesn't want anything to do with the baby because she wasn't the egg donor.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who said that the stern show vacation thing killed more people. He said this time it killed Anthony Cumia's career. Howard said a lot of people were asking him about that. Howard said the only opinion he's interested in is Opie and why he didn't retire. Howard said that's who people should be asking. Howard said if Robin left he'd leave tomorrow. Howard said he just wants to announce that he loves black people. He said he wouldn't take a picture of a black woman in Times Square. Robin said he tweeted some things and used the term ''savage'' and ''animal.''
Tommy said someone said it should be the Imus and Anthony show. Howard said he doesn't work with the guy but people feel they have to contact him immediately. Tommy said they call Howard old but they're in their 40s, right? Howard said he doesn't know. Tommy said that Anthony had a little talent but Dopey is unbelievable. Howard said it's really irrelevant to him. Tommy asked if Howard saw that there was a 482 pound halibut caught in Alaska. Howard said his dad loves Halibut. Howard said he turned him on to the fish and he became a big fan. Tommy said he'll send him the picture of the giant Halibut.
Howard let Tommy go and said he is not in charge of anyone's career. He said that he's all for people coming there to work. He said if the company isn't comfortable with someone saying something and they fire him then he has nothing to say. He said he's never heard their show once. He said the only guy whose opinion counts is his on air partner. Howard said he's just saying he'd leave if they fired Robin or Fred. If they fired Benjy he'd feign disappointment and stay at work.
Robin read about how Tracy Morgan has gone home from the hospital. Howard said he's glad to see he's doing well. Howard said he lost a friend in that accident. Howard said he saw a picture of Tracy and he looks good. Robin said it's an incredible recovery. Robin said she hopes that he continues to progress. Howard said he filed a lawsuit against Walmart. Howard said just imagine it when Tracy owns Walmart. Robin said she may start shopping there if he does.
Robin read about how Mario Cantone's name is being thrown into The View's list of possible replacements for Sherri Shepherd and Jenny. Howard said he has opinions of a girl so why not. Howard said he actually thinks they should keep it all women. Howard said Rosie is alpha and it's so overwhelming to have to deal with other people like that. Robin said she thinks Rosie had to argue with someone she didn't respect when she was there. Robin said that there might be a different dynamic if Rosie respects the person she's working with. Howard said if they hired Sarah Palin on that show he'd watch every day until she quit. He said that would last about a week.
Robin read a story about the new Expendables movie and how they're all old actors. Robin said they have Mel Gibson and Harrison Ford joining the cast. Robin said they have Kelsey Grammer and Antonio Banderas in it too. Howard said he always hated it when his Spanish teacher came back from vacation because she'd be speaking like she was still speaking Castilian with that lisp.
Robin read about how well the Planet of the Apes movie did this weekend. Howard said he wants to see it. Robin said the movie made $73 million in the first weekend. Robin said it was number 1 at the box office this weekend.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the birthday bash was phenomenal. Howard said he's glad they have it up there. He said they have gotten so much positive feedback about it. Howard said it was like their version of Woodstock. Howard said they had the perfect blend of musicians and comedians and all of that. He said it was amazing. The caller said he was in a deep depression for about a year and he has to thank Howard for helping him get through a lot. He said he can't thank him enough.
Howard said Benjy is in the trailer for Sharknado 2. Howard said he's at his best when he's under a minute. Howard asked how long he's in it. Benjy said it might be a second or so. He said Elisa showed him pictures from the movie so there might be another trailer. Howard said he'd like it if every producer out there cast Benjy as food in every movie he'd be very happy.
Howard asked Benjy how his weight loss is going. Benjy said he's still going and he's committed. He said he's still losing weight. Robin wanted to weigh him in on July 19th or whatever.
Howard said he read about this Smartfork that counts the bites you take during a meal. He said it attempts to shame you while you're eating. Howard said he's going to get one for Benjy. He said Benjy will probably just finger himself with it.
Howard said Jon Leiberman had Riley Martin and Buzz Aldrin on his show last week. He said he had to play a clip. Howard played one clip and Buzz was asking to be called Dr. Buzz Aldrin. He explained to Jon about why he changed his name legally to Buzz. Howard said he's Doctor now.
Howard said in a stroke of brilliance they got Riley Martin on the show. Howard said it seemed like a good fit. Howard played another clip and Buzz seemed to take Riley pretty seriously. Buzz was talking about how he'd never heard of this alien stuff in the history books. He said maybe it was Uncle Harry who molested someone and not aliens. Howard had Riley arguing with Buzz about how he knows these aliens and where they live. He said it's all explained in his book.
Howard said that he has some songs about Benjy getting fingered. He had one from Eli Braden and another one where Benjy screams along to a metal song. Howard said it's kind of like that Caninus band.
Howard said he thinks he has one about Robin. He played that song parody and it was to the tune of ''Diamonds'' and it was about her tight vagina. Howard said that was by Psych. Howard went into a live commercial and then a commercial break after that.
After the break, around 9:45am, they played a ''The Fingering'' commercial parody and a prank call Sal and Richard had Big Foot make to a guy about a truck. Fred also played David Bowie's ''Fame'' as they were coming back. Howard came back and said that's the best song but he still has no idea what he's talking about in it. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a girl who died in Kansas after her brain was infected with a brain eating amoeba. Robin said they say people shouldn't be afraid to swim in a lake just because this girl got it from swimming in a lake. Howard said he will only swim in an artificial environment. Robin said this is only the second known case of someone getting this brain eating amoeba in the state. Howard said the other one was Sal whose brain was eaten but he lived.
Robin read a story about how the pope was asked about child molestation and he was saying that only 2 percent of them are pedophiles. Howard said that they know about it and it has to be more than 2 percent. Howard said they say 5 percent of the population are pedophiles. He said this doesn't add up.
Robin read a story about a new eye test that can find people who may end up with Alzheimers. Robin said that's some progress with the disease.
Howard asked what's going on with the Oscar Pistorius case. Robin said they found that he wasn't mentally ill at the time of the shooting. Howard said they say they have another month to do closing arguments. Robin said it's like they don't want it to end. Robin said by the time they end it he won't have any jail time left to serve. Howard said it's unbelievable how long it's taking.
Robin read about how the FDA is looking into drug use in the NFL. Robin said that they say about 1300 players are involved in the investigation. Some of the players are saying that the NFL supplied some drugs to help keep the players in the game.
Robin said they say that Iran is definitely making nuclear weapons. Robin said they're still denying it.
Robin read a story about two people being killed by lightning in Colorado. Robin said a 42 year old woman and a 52 year old man were killed in sperate lightning strikes over the weekend.
Robin read a story about Samsung calling a halt to a Chinese company that was hiring child workers. Robin said they will permanently stop doing business with that company if the charges are proven to be true.
Robin read about the girls in Nigeria who were kidnapped and how they're still being held. Howard said he's shocked that the hashtag #saveourgirls didn't work to set them free.
Robin read a story about Carmello Anthony returning to the Nets. Robin said there were hints that he might return and they have been confirmed.
Robin read a story about an Australian swimmer who came out as gay. Howard said he thought all swimmers in a Speedo were gay. Robin told him to stop it. They ended the show a short time later. They were done around 10:00am.
Jon said that Ronnie brought his girlfriend to his daughter's Bat Mitzvah and that was a big deal that no one knew about. Gary said they all like her a lot. He said it was weird that when they got back to the show the next Monday Ronnie thought it was weird that they thought it was kind of weird.
Jon asked JD if he's thought about how he's going to introduce his new lady. JD said he probably would have kept his under the radar a little bit if he wasn't going out to the World Cup thing.
Gary asked JD how old he is. He said he's 34. He said the girl is a few years younger, in her 20s. Gary asked if she lives around there. JD said it might not be in the tri-state area but she's within traveling distance. Gary asked if it's more than an hour. JD said it is. He said it could be 2 hours depending on traffic.
Gary said when he started dating Mary he thinks the way he did it was he went to an event with Robin and Robin talked to Mary and she came back and told the guys. Gary said he thought it worked out very nice that way.
JD said she was the one who wanted to go out and watch the USA play in the World Cup. JD said he knew that Richard and his wife were going out so he asked to join them. Jon asked how Steve got into the mix. JD said it was more Richard and his wife. Steve said he goes out with them a lot. He said he thinks Kristin is the one who spent more time with JD's new friend than anyone else. Gary said they have to find out how many games Richard and his wife went to. JD said he thinks they went out for the final game with Germany.
Jon said that JD was out in Vegas and they were wondering why he wasn't partying. He said it turns out he was being faithful to his lady. Gary asked if it ever crossed his mind to ask her to go to Vegas for a week. JD said he asked her if she was free but she was working. He said she told him to go on his trip. She didn't want him to cancel it.
Jon asked JD about why he went to Vegas. JD said he can't just go Willy Nilly anywhere. Gary said there are really nice places he could go that don't cost a lot. Gary asked if he's a beach guy. JD said he doesn't mind staring at girls in bikinis but that's about it. Gary asked if he's a sight seer. JD said he's really not. He said he was offered a chance to stay in Vegas so he took it. He said he'd like to gamble more but he'd need more money to do that. Jon asked JD if he wants to go see the Grand Canyon or anything like that. JD said he's seen Niagara Falls. He said he's been to Tennessee. He said he doesn't want to go there. He said he's good. Jon asked if he'd like to go to Austin. JD said nothing really stood out.
Gary asked if he's going to Comic Con this year. JD said he will be there. Jon and Gary are going to be there doing a Wrap Up Show. JD said he wouldn't mind seeing movies and stuff out there. Gary said there will be some of that. JD said it will be interesting to see but he doesn't need to go.
Jon said Howard made an analogy about Alison being similar to JD's girlfriend. He said that JD is in worse shape than Fred ever was. Gary said he might agree with that. He said that JD might be more malleable than Fred too. He said that if he finds a girl and she wants to try something he may want to try it. Gary said he thinks the right girl could change him. Gary said he remembers when Alison brought Fred out to see Brighton Beach Memoirs. Jon said he can see JD turning into someone like that.
JD said that she's into different foods and stuff. Jon asked what kind. JD said he doesn't want to get into specifics. JD said she's into Ethiopian food and things like that. Gary asked what the most exotic food has been. JD said he had some Korean barbecue and that was fine. Gary said he thinks that she'll get JD to try things he's never tried before. JD said that's why he showed her Kentucky Fried Movie because she's never seen it before.
Steve said that they were out with JD and his girl and JD was on his phone a lot. He said he looked over and asked what was going on. He said JD and Jon Hein were texting back and forth. He said he texted Jon and told him to stop because he had a girl there with him. Jon said sometimes they'll be watching the same TV show and they will text back and forth. He said in his head he had JD in his apartment just bullshitting with him. He said he was going back and forth and then Steve texts him and tells him to stop texting. Jon said he felt terrible. He said he stopped and then JD was telling him it was fine. He said he felt terrible.
Jon asked JD if he has trouble just sitting still and hanging out. JD said he does. He said that's a big shocker.
Jon took a call from a guy who said now that JD is happy he might have other girls who find him attractive and he wonders how he will deal with that. JD said girls have found him attractive before. He said it sounds douchy to say but it has happened. He said he will just do whatever he has to do.
Gary said he never thinks Of JD as a buffoon like that caller said they do. Gary said it irritates him that he thinks that they think of JD like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked JD if he finds it easier to talk and communicate with this girl than with other people. JD said once he gets to know someone he can be okay at talking. He said as long as there's not a microphone in front of him he can talk.
Gary said he can't wait to see the telltale signs when JD comes in dressed just a little nicer. He said they'll see the metamorphosis. Jon said one thing they've referred to is that JD seems more confident in the past couple of months. He said that they thought it was his directing gig but now they know it's probably this girl. JD said he doesn't think he's been that different. Gary said he'd just say he seems less depressed and not really ''happier.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves JD but he reminds him of the Michael Cera of the show. He said he depresses him when he goes on vacation. He said he really needs to think of some places to go. JD said he knows. He said it wasn't depressing out there. He said it was relaxing. JD said he had some fun going to some UFC fights and things out there. He said it was good.
Jon said they should have taken JD to the All Star Game. He said maybe next year they should do it. Gary said they'll have to check the dates. Jon said if it works they'll go. JD said he has to get his dad in. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Jenny said she didn't want to get political. He said she also doesn't want to be in big confrontations. He said that's where the show seems to be headed. Jon said he's not sure that will happen but that's where Jenny seems to think it's going. Gary said he loved the fights with Rosie and Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
Jon said that he's not sure Rosie is looking for fireworks. Gary said that she did want to do the ''nice'' show when she was doing her TV show. Gary said The View is a show for women and he's not sure you want to mess with success too much.
Jon said Jenny is getting married to Donnie Wahlberg and he's wondering if she's rushing into it. Gary asked how old she is. No one knew. Gary said he doesn't think a year is a long time to wait if you've been through it before and you're getting older. Jon said it's hard to gauge that honeymoon phase. Jon said JD is going through that now. Gary said it can be hard to gauge it when you're a celebrity. He said they might be working apart a lot so its not clear how they are when they're together. Gary said that could be the rest of their lives though so who knows.
Jon asked Gary if he still gets a thrill seeing Jenny. Gary said he does but he thinks she's over him and it's not as sexy when she's engaged.
Jon asked if they think she'll squirt on The View on the final show she's on. Gary said she won't be able to squirt but it would be cool if she got a little outrageous on the final show.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about Robin possibly going on The View. Gary said they've never heard that before. The caller said he's heard it online from a few places. Gary said that's really vague. He said that it's such a bullshit thing to say that you heard it online. Gary said everything on Facebook is not true. The caller said he's just trying to find out about the rumor. Jon said he's heard the rumors too. He said he saw it floating around out there somewhere. He said Robin was one of the names being bandied about. Jon said he doesn't think she wants to do it though. Gary said she might be able to pull it off if the show starts at 11.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wishes Jenny McCarthy would stick with the show. He said he thinks that the whole Rosie O'Donnell thing is a publicity stunt. The caller was going on and on about that and about JD and there's something that sounds suspicious about the whole thing. Gary asked if he was trying to touch on everything in the show without actually saying something.
Jon said the caller was asking about JD and how he didn't just come right out and talk about it right away. JD said there are some things that he wants to keep quiet and private. Gary said he knows what that's like. He said that if you let anything out then people will start going. Gary said he was going out with a girl once and when they finished the show at NBC the girls would show up at the station. He said they'd show up early sometimes and Howard would have them in the studio. He said he didn't want to introduce one girl to Howard and the next day Howard made it sound like she was so ugly that he was afraid to have her in there. Gary said the woman was very upset when she heard the show. JD said things like that have happened to girls he's gone out with. He said they've been harassed and things like that. Jon went to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jenny is Irish and of course she's going to be like that. He said that if Jim Carrey showed up to the wedding she'd be blowing him in the back. He was going on and on about Irish women so Jon just hung up and moved on.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if anyone in the room thinks that Howard dropped the ball when Jenny said something about guys in California said that guys get their dicks cut off in Hollywood. He said he was enraged immediately because the women's libbers brought us to where we are now and Howard said nothing about that. He asked what these women want. Gary said it's a lot of angry guys calling in today. Gary said just because women want equality in some places doesn't mean it's all women. Gary said that he thinks if you go out on a date with a woman he thinks the guy should pay. Jon asked if JD picks up the bill all the time. JD said he does. He said he missed all of that stuff with Jenny. He said he just heard the deep throating stuff.
Gary asked JD if he went out with Jenny and then he got married and broke up, would he sue for Alimony. JD said he wouldn't. He said if she was dishonest with him then he would do it just to annoy the shit out of her.
Shuli said he thinks that JD still wouldn't do it. He said he's one of the most non-confrontational guy he knows. Gary said he would have a hard time suing a woman for money like that. Jon asked what would happen if Gary stopped working for a living and he became a house husband. Jon said that the woman is the source of income. Gary said he'd go out and get a job. He said he knows it's very sexist to say. He said it's emasculating to take the money to him.
Gary said if you're doing something at home you're providing. He said someone has to raise the kids or whatever. He said he finds it weird that guys sue women and take it. Jon said he agrees with him on that.
Jon had Shuli get to his Howard 100 News headlines. Shuli ran down a few stories they have coming up today. He mentioned one story about Eric the Actor going to an emergency room and waited 12 hours to get his wrist checked out. Shuli had a few other stories like Gary's son Lucas opening up as a DJ for a couple of bands at Jones Beach this weekend. Gary said he DJ'd for two sets. He said that Phillip Phillips was the first act and between that and OAR the house was packed. Gary said that Lucas went out and did his thing and it was like a person they'd never seen before. Gary said he just let his kid do his thing. He said he was there from 4 in the afternoon on. He said his son didn't have anything to do from 4 to 7 but he didn't care.
Jon said it was time to wrap up the show. The guys got in some plugs and they ended the show around 10:55am.
Howard started the show talking about how Nicole Bass is coming in to find love this morning. That led to Fred doing his Herman Munster/Nicole impression. Nicole's husband died a while back. Howard said it's an amazing story. He said Nicole and her husband made love and then she rolled over to talk to him and he was gone. Howard asked if she's getting excited. Fred said he was getting drippy. He played a sound effect of water dripping in a cavern. Fred said there's stalagmites growing from his labia. Howard said he loves it when he laughs. He said it's infectious. Fred started crying as Nicole. Howard asked what she'd like to do on her date. Fred just said ''Fuck.''
Howard said Nicole used to weigh 235 pounds. Howard said now she's let herself go and she weighs a bit more now. Robin said they haven't seen her in a while. Howard said he wants to watch these guys fuck her. He said he's a freak. Howard said Nicole is a lot of woman. He asked if she's a 3 entry woman. Fred said sometimes it's 4. Robin asked what the fourth is. Fred said he has a very unusual body type. Robin said Nicole claims she was a woman at birth. Fred said ''Well, things change.''
Howard picked up on Eric and said he's thinking about the song he'd be playing right now. Howard asked Gary where the song is. Howard said he played a song yesterday and he wants that. Gary said there's some confusion over that. Howard said maybe they can just replay yesterday's show so the people know what he's talking about.
Gary said he went to Sal yesterday and told him to give Fred every song that Howard played yesterday. He said he wanted Fred to have them all. Howard asked why he doesn't have it. Gary said he's not sure what song he's talking about. Howard said Sal is a moron. He said he's a loser's loser. He said it's obviously beyond his process. They finally found the song and started playing it.
Sal came in and said the song is marked and put into rotation. He told Howard about what the process is and how he updates Fred on a daily basis. Howard said that it's working just great.
Howard asked Fred to play the song again. Fred did that. Howard said now they're out of time for Eric. Howard said he loves Sal but he wouldn't leave him in charge of anything. Howard said Gary handed it off to him and it might be time to look at that. Robin said they were about to test him against Tan Mom and he can't even get to one assignment.
Howard said he was sorry he ran out of time. Eric let out an ''Ugh.'' Eric said he thought he was going to have to watch how he talks today. His phone was acting strange and Howard and Robin just started laughing. Robin said Eric is talking about the Today show simulcast today. Howard said they're on live now and it's fantastic. Howard said the Today show thing is happening around 8:45. Eric let out another sigh. Robin said he's like a Wookie this morning. Howard said they're going to come in for just a few minutes today. He said that's the plan.
Eric tried to ask a question but his phone connection was so bad it was hard to understand what he was saying. Eric said he was trying to ask about what's going on with Johnny. Howard said the phone connection is really poor today and he has to move along. Howard did an impression of what that sounded like and hung up on Eric. Fred did an impression of Eric's really bad phone connection. It kept cutting in and out and sounded distant when it would cut out. Howard said he loves that guy. He said he's so adorable. Robin said it's funny how Eric misunderstands what's going on there. She said he thought they were going to be simulcasting with the Today Show the whole morning.
Howard played a clip from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where JD was talking about his new girl taking him out to restaurants and things like that. JD was talking about going out to eat Korean barbecue. Howard said ladies were killing themselves finding out that JD is off the market.
Howard said he wants to know how people would figure out who this woman is by him talking about what kind of food she eats. JD came in and Howard asked what he ate at the Korean place. JD said he didn't know. He said they cooked it right in front of them though.
JD said he's afraid of giving the lesser known facts about this girl. He said that people will fuck with her if they figure out who she is.
Howard asked JD why he'd come out with that news to begin with. JD said it was already in the news. He said it just happened. He said he really doesn't know. JD said they went out with Steve and Richard and it just came out. JD said she has a job that's kind of sensitive. He said that people will mess with her if they find out. He said he saw a girl at a block party once and they harassed her. He said they were writing letters to her job and things. Howard said it does come with dating someone famous. JD said he doesn't want anything bad to happen. Howard said that's fair enough. He said he doesn't think that would happen talking about the kind of food she likes though.
Howard said JD is the only guy who can stay at someone named Vick Lagina's house and not get laid. He asked JD if he brings this girl to McDonald's. JD said she doesn't want to go there so they don't go. Howard asked what he eats every day back there. JD said he gets food from a couple of places. He said he has chicken, salmon, mac and cheese and things like that. Howard said he sees him with Chinese food looking stuff. JD said there's a Chinese place but it got shut down. Howard said it looks like a big plate of sauce. JD said he doesn't know what to tell him.
Howard played another clip of JD talking about his vacation to Las Vegas. He was talking about how he's not the vacation type. Howard said JD saw other people going on vacation and he figured he should do the same but he doesn't really want to. Howard said if he wanted to be like Steve he'd be dressing nicer and exercising. JD said he's just going to go.
Robin asked if the girlfriend likes his facial hair. JD said she does actually. Howard said she might also like clean pants. JD said he hates this and left the studio. Howard said look at that outfit. JD told him to shut up. Robin said that looks like what he had on yesterday. Howard said it is. He said he didn't change his clothes.
Gary said Sal showed up one day and ate a bagel the whole time. He said Sal put the bagel down and a poppy seed got caught in his throat. Gary said they also quizzed Sal about what team names are offensive and Sal explained if they were offensive or not. Gary said one team name was the Flames and he wasn't sure if it was offensive to gay people or not.
Howard played a clip of Sal explaining the team name Flames and if it was offensive. Jon said that no one knew what Sal meant when he said that the flaming faggot name came from the kindle. Jon said no one was sure where that came from. They figured it might be kindling.
Jon said they asked Sal if the NY Yankees could be offensive. Sal said that it could be. His explanation was the war between the north and the south and how the south called the north the Yankees.
Jon said they asked Sal if the San Diego Padres is offensive. Sal said it wasn't offensive. He said it's complimentary to the Spanish people in the country.
Howard said they asked Sal about the Chiefs. Sal said that was complimentary. Robin laughed. Jon said they asked about the Tar Heels next. Sal said that could be offensive because people might think it's something like a tar baby.
Howard said they tweeted out a picture of JD's outfit. He asked if they're the same. Gary said they tweeted out the picture of today's outfit. Howard asked if he wore the same thing yesterday. JD got on his microphone and said he didn't wear the same thing yesterday.
Jon said he loves hearing the wheels turning in Sal's head. Howard asked who doesn't. He let Jon go after that.
Howard said he was reading about Oprah and her magazine. They have a prime subscription deal where you get on a list and get discounts on Oprah approved products. Howard said they have a deal where you can test products for the magazine and they send a birthday card too. Howard said she's one step away from charging $400 to make a voice mail message for her fans. Howard asked why she has to charge her fans to send out a birthday card. Howard said that she's got billions already and she's charging them more. Howard said maybe it's enough and she shouldn't feel comfortable doing this. Howard said for $400 you get to test products for Oprah.
Robin said she must need to get opinions on the products. Howard wondered if people are making fun of her over this. Howard read more about this prime membership thing and how they're doing it. Howard said they're taking advantage of idiots. Howard said it's like Rush Limbaugh's chair that he'll sell you. Howard said it just bugs him sometimes. He said it's 400 bucks and you get a birthday card from Oprah. He said clearly there's something wrong with those people. He said they're mentally disadvantaged.
Howard said Oprah should be sending out free birthday cards. He said that these women are spending their husband's hard earned money on this stuff. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard said it's like assuming all black guys are buddies. Howard said he knows very few people in radio that he associates with. He said Kidd Chris and Chris Booker are about it. Howard said Bubba, Johnny B and Gary Mayer are a couple of others. He said that's it. Howard said he'd like to call Cousin Brucie his friend but they don't get together that much. Howard said he has nothing to do with most people in radio. He said he is the most successful person in radio, hands down, and everyone else is just sort of there. Howard said that's how he views the world. He said if you can't deal with it then go fuck yourself.
Howard said he doesn't care if a team breaks up. He said they can call them and ask them what they're going to do. Howard said he doesn't care.
Howard said he's friends with Human Newman and Dead Air Dave too. He said he's a good dude too. Howard said that's it for radio guys.
Howard said they have $500 from Squatty Potty to give away. Howard said he forgot to use his last night and he didn't have a full elimination. Howard said he figured it was pouring out of his asshole and he didn't use it. He said he clipped it and there was still a lot in there. The caller said he has to get one.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom if she knows what USMC stands for. The caller knew. He said she won't. Howard played Tan Mom's answer and she didn't know.
Howard said the caller just won 500 bucks. He said they asked Tan Mom if she can name 3 STDs. Howard played her answer which was ''Altheimers, cancer... vaginal or diabetes.'' Howard said he loves her so much.
Howard played Sal asking ''Who wrote 'Cat in the Hat'?'' Howard said she must know that one. Robin said she doesn't know what AIDS is. She knew who Dr. Seuss was though. She finally got one right. Howard said he read somewhere that she went to Dr. Seuss to get rid of her ''Altheimers.''
Howard played another one where they asked if she knows what Poultry is. Robin didn't think she would know. Howard played the answer and it was correct. She said it's chicken.
Howard said he has to play one more. Howard played that one and Sal asked Tan Mom what a pickle is made from. Howard said he's not sure Sal knows. Fred said Bobo didn't know. Howard said a pickle is made from a cucumber. Howard said he'd say she doesn't know. He said if Bobo doesn't know then she may not know. Fred said she does do the shopping though. Howard said he thinks she just thinks they're unto themselves. Howard asked if anyone thinks she knows. Fred said he thinks she knows. Robin said no. Howard played her answer and she got it right. Howard said she's smarter than Bobo. He said she's not doing too bad there.
Howard said he has to get to Nicole Bass. He said he has to stay on schedule. Gary said that she's running a little late. Howard said she's been hocking him for years to get back on the show.
Howard said that JD has a new girlfriend and he was kind of curious about him fantasizing about marrying her and having a baby. Howard said this is what the baby might sound like. He played a clip of JD's voice sped up to sound like a baby. He had another clip of what his wedding might sound like. They had JD mumbling as the minister was telling him what to say.
Howard asked JD if he ever thinks about that stuff. JD said that he doesn't really this early on. He said they don't talk about that. Howard said a lot of couples talk about that kind of thing even when they're just starting to date. JD said they haven't gotten that far along yet. JD said it's just been a couple of months. Howard said everyone talks about it. JD asked what he wants from him. JD said they talk about movies and stuff. He said it's not about having kids.
Howard asked if JD ever wants to have kids. JD said he doesn't know. Howard said you'd think it would come up at some point. JD was just laughing when he heard Howard come up with a name his girlfriend might say. Howard said people might figure out who she is if he said that they did have that conversation. Howard asked JD if he thinks he'd be a good dad. JD said he can barely take care of himself.
Howard asked if she's a good dancer. JD said they haven't really gone dancing. Robin asked what she does like to do. Robin said maybe he shouldn't answer.
Howard asked Fred if he had the Mariann from Brooklyn theme. Fred found it a few seconds later. Howard picked up on Mariann after the song. Mariann said that Howard read her mind. She said that AGT is all new tonight and she wanted to let Howard's mom know that. She also wished Beth a happy birthday. Howard said it is her birthday today. Robin said she forgot to bring her gift for Beth. Howard said she's 29 years old today. (not really) Howard said she looks great. He said they're going out to an early dinner tonight. Howard said he has to go to bed early on a work night. Howard said they'll try to find Nicole after the break. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had a few people in the studio. He said the technical side of the game is a mess. He said one of the guys can't hear the show in his headphones. Howard said it's an exciting day. He said they have Nicole Bass coming in and she's going to pick out a person to date. Howard said Nicole was a female body builder and she hasn't done that in years. He said she let that go from her life. Howard said she lost her husband and she's been begging to be on the show for years. Howard said she wants to fuck.
Howard said he has three men in there who want to date Nicole. Howard said he's all out of sorts today so he may jump out a window. One of the guys said he doesn't see any windows in there so they're good.
Howard said he didn't even bother with a screen today. He said they had it up but they took it down. Howard said they might as well let Nicole see them.
Howard said first up is Zach who is wearing a tie today. Zach said he's in sales and he also acts. He said he does radio and he does appearances too. Howard said he also won the prettiest penis contest. Zach said he's going to be at a Comic-Conn thing up in Connecticut next month. Zach said that he does the appearances and saying you're featured on the Howard Stern show goes a long way. Howard said he's not sure how he's making a living. Zach said he is a salesman. Howard asked if he really wants to fuck Nicole. Zach said he feels so bad for her. He said it's horrible for her. He said that he wants to make her feel like the queen of the prom.
One of the guys said he wants to keep it fair and make sure Zach keeps it in his pants. Howard said hello to Tarro next. Tarro said his real name is Zach so he went with the nickname instead. Howard asked Tarro if he wants to date Nicole too. He said he's up for it.
Howard said hi to Ken next. Howard said he thought he had been on the show before. Howard said he is a black guy. Howard asked Zach to stop taking pictures because he's the most annoying guy on the planet.
Howard spent a minute talking to Ken about Nicole. He said he has found her attractive in the past. He hasn't seen her lately though.
Howard said it was time for Nicole to come in. They brought her in with a song parody that Fred sang as Nicole. Howard said she looks lovely. He laughed as he said that. Howard said he's just happy to see her. Howard said she always brings a smile to his face. Nicole laughed which made Howard laugh.
Howard asked Nicole how long it's been. Nicole said it's under 10 but less than 5. Howard said time has not diminished her beauty at all. Nicole said she's going to be half a century in august. Howard said she wasn't at the birthday show and she was angry about that. Howard said Nicole's husband died after coitus. Howard said she fucked her husband and he dropped dead. Nicole thanked him for that.
Howard asked Nicole how long it's been since she was with a man. Nicole said it's been over a year now. She said she's a very sexual woman. Howard said that her husband rolled over after a great night of fun and died. Nicole said that everything was very soft. Howard asked if the sex was wild. Nicole said it was a strange 3 days. She said he was ill and she had pretty much disappeared from body building and wrestling. She said she disappeared from Howard's show too. Nicole said they were married for 27 years. She said they both knew it was coming. She said he was missing a valve in his heart. She said that it was something they discovered when they owned the gym. She said he lived a very full life. She said he had a zest for life. Howard asked if she orgasmed from that time. Nicole said she always did. Nicole said they kept this going a good 20 years. She said that when they first met it was the New Year's Rotten Eve show. She said she showed Howard her vagina behind a curtain. Howard said he thinks he'd remember that. Howard said he must have blocked that out. Nicole said Howard has to be the best lover on the planet. She said Howard dropped to his knees and said he didn't know what he saw.
Howard asked the guys if they're turned off at all. Tarro said not at all. He said he's seen much more masculine women. Howard said Ken isn't turned off at all either. Ken said he's just the opposite. He said it looks like it's cold in there. Nicole said her nipples are pierced. She said that she just started training a couple of months ago. Howard said she looks more feminine now. Nicole asked if they have a chance. Howard said no way and he'd beat himself with a coconut if they were stuck on an island together.
Nicole got back to her husband dying and told Howard how they had made love and they rolled over and went to their corners of the bed. She said she fell asleep and he fell asleep. She said it looked like he was watching TV and his eyes were open. She said she went to cuddle and he was ice cold from the chest up. Howard said it would be great if Nicole slept with one of these guys and they died too. Nicole said the story gets even better. She said she was angry at him for passing. She said she called Howard and talked to him when it happened and Fred was goofing on her with everything.
Howard asked Nicole if she left the body in the bed for a while. She said she went and called immediately. She said the police showed up very quickly. She said the EMS and police both showed up. She said that to her he didn't really die. Nicole said they had a horse and her husband had a gun that had the pin taken out. She said he'd use that in a parade they were in. She said a cop hid the gun for her so no one would see it.
Howard asked if she wore anything special for her man that night. Nicole said she doesn't remember. She said she had a nervous breakdown eventually over it.
Howard said when Nicole opened the door for the officers they all passed out. Nicole said they had 3 sets of officers who went through. She said it took a while for them to get the coroner there.
Nicole told Howard that she's fully shaved today. Howard said that she was the world's largest female body builder in the world. Nicole said no one has beaten her yet. She said she was the tallest and heaviest ever to compete.
Howard said ever since the death of her husband she hasn't been with anyone. Howard introduced Nicole to Zach and got right to it and asked if he'll fuck Nicole. Zach said he will. He said that she's a lovely woman. He said he can't imagine her not having someone to be with. He said he wants to make her feel like the queen of the prom. He said she's always feminine to him. Nicole said he seems to be ready to jump across the room for her. Zach said he has had sex with about 50 women and 3 of them were last week. He said he's 32 years old. Nicole asked why it's not more. Zach said that he hasn't been with her yet.
Howard said that Tarro got into trouble with Nicole already. Tarro said he just said she looks more feminine now than she ever has. Howard asked Tarro to tell them about why he wants to date her. Tarro said he likes a woman like this. He said he drove 7 hours to get this date. He said he wouldn't do that if he didn't want to be with her. Nicole said he's like a bowl of Jell-O. He said he's a little pudgy. Howard said you'd think she'd be better off with a guy like that. Nicole asked where Zach is from. He said he's in Connecticut. She said that's WWE territory so she's not sure about that. Howard said it sounds like Tarro is out based on his weight. Nicole wanted to see some personality. Howard asked how many compliments he could give her in 30 seconds. Tarro was talking about how she looked and went over a few things and ran out of material a few seconds in. Robin asked how old Tarro is. He said he's 28.
Howard said he's going to move on to Ken. He asked if Nicole has ever been with a black man. She said she hasn't. She said this would be new. Nicole said he's very quiet. Ken said they call him the chocolate Teddy Bear. He said that he works out quite a bit himself. He said that he'd work out with Nicole. Nicole said he's a gym rat. Ken said he is. Howard said Nicole is in shape or getting there.
Nicole asked Howard how much he weighs. Howard said she could break him in half like a pencil. Nicole said she know but she's curious.
Howard asked Ken when he last got laid. Ken said it was last week. He said he travels a lot for work so he sees a lot of people. Howard asked what she would like to do to these guys. Nicole said she's not sure. She said she likes to dominate. Howard asked what she means by that. Nicole didn't have a straight answer for that. Nicole said women that are older are more sure of what they want. She said she's not afraid to say what she wants. She said it's not about dominating them. She just knows what she likes. Howard said that she might ask for the guy to rub her clit harder. Zach said that sounds great to him. Ken said he's used to white people giving him orders. Howard said it must be upsetting when a white woman wants to dominate him. Nicole said it's just confidence and not really dominating.
Howard said he's getting nauseous from this. He said he has to move on. Howard said he's going to give each guy a chance to talk to Nicole to try to win her over. Nicole asked each of the guys what they do for a living. Zach works for a roofing company. Tarro works as an IT guy and Ken works for Geek Squad.
Howard said he wants to get down to it. Nicole asked the guys what a romantic evening means to them. Howard had Tarro go first. Tarro said he'd take her out to dinner and have some drinks. He said maybe they'd take a walk down the street or in a park. He said they could go to a movie and then go back to the room and see what happens.
Howard let Ken go next. Ken said he'd have a candle lit dinner and maybe some dancing. Howard said Nicole didn't seem happy with that. Nicole said that he seems very quiet. He said no black man gets up before noon so he's not up yet.
Howard moved on to Zach and asked him about the night out. Zach said he'd like to get to know her. He said he'd like to take a walk, see some sights and just talk to her. He said he would rather talk than go to a movie. He said the romantic stuff is for later. He said he just wants to get to know her first. He said he would do it for her but that's not what he would prefer. Nicole said she likes that. She said the other guys were just talking about how far they drove and how they want to get right to it.
Howard said Zach is close and he's ready to woo her. Howard said Tarro is a nice guy and he's an IT guy. Howard said he has a few pounds on him. Nicole said he's not bad looking. Nicole said she thinks that Ken changed his mind and he's not into this. Howard said it could have happened. Ken said he's hypnotized by her tight fitting shirt. Nicole said he's so quiet though. Ken said he hasn't had his caffeine today. Nicole asked if Robin is offended by that at all. Robin said she's not offended by anything.
Howard said they have Zach, Tarro and Ken. Nicole asked why Zach was on because of his penis. Zach said they had a prettiest penis contest on the show and George Takei thought his was the most beautiful. He said he was a fan of Howard and George so he came in. He said it's the perfect statue penis. He said he looks like a Greek god.
Nicole said she likes the fact that he wants to be friends. Zach said he really is attracted to her. Howard said this is fun but it's time to pick the winner. Howard asked Nicole if she's been masturbating regularly. Nicole laughed and said she has. She said she's not a squirter though. Howard asked what she thinks about when she does that. Nicole said she thinks about guys. She said she may be bi-sexual though. She said she got married very young. She said she looks at both sides of the coin. She said she likes the way women look too. Nicole said maybe she and Robin can go into the bathroom together.
Howard said Nicole is here to fuck a guy and not Robin. Howard asked if she has made love to a woman. Nicole said yes. Howard said this is a very big revelation. Howard asked if she got pregnant. Nicole said they had a joke at WWE where they joked about one of the female wrestlers having her baby. Howard said that's quite nauseating.
Howard asked Nicole what her favorite position is. Nicole said that she likes to be on top. Zach said he wants her to sit on his face and ride him like a bicycle. Nicole said she likes that. She said she likes giving blow jobs and things like that.
Howard asked Nicole if she swallows a load. Nicole said she does. Zach said he's so turned on right now. Nicole asked why she wasn't invited to the birthday show. Howard said he only had so many seats. Nicole said it was 1,400. Howard said that's not that many.
Howard went over each of the contestants and asked Nicole to make her choice. Nicole said she doesn't know. The guys were all telling her to pick them. Nicole asked if nay of them were Jewish. They weren't. Howard asked how much she weighs now. She said she's at 265 pounds. She's 6'2'' tall.
Nicole ended up picking Zach out of the three. She said she liked that he wanted to be her friend. Howard said this whole affair is sickening. Howard said that Nicole is the largest female body builder. Howard asked when Zach is going to fuck her. Zach said it's up to her. Nicole said he has to prove himself to her. Zach said that's what he will do. He said he didn't just get on the show for sex. He said he likes meeting new people.
Nicole said Howard made her what she is. She said that when she first came on the show she was a fan. She said she was so uptight and she was upset with them calling her a man. She said she got over it and Howard made her laugh at herself. Howard said her personality matches her beauty. Howard said she has won them over with her personality. Howard wished her love and said even if Zach isn't the man then hopefully he'll fuck her good. Nicole said she's not just going to drop her drawers. Zach said he's not looking for that. Howard asked if she'll swallow his load. Nicole said she's not sure.
Nicole asked if they can pick her 3 girls to. Howard said no. He said this is it. Howard said he wants a blow by blow from both of them if this goes down. Zach said he will if Nicole wants him to. Howard said he has to get out of this thing. He wished Nicole luck and wrapped up the segment. Howard said he hopes romance comes from this. Nicole was talking to Robin and not letting Howard end it. Howard had to just go to break.
Howard said they're gong to be on the Today show today. He said he really has to calm down. He took a sip of water. Howard asked Robin if she thinks any of those guys are going to fuck her. Robin said she only picked one.
Howard said they're going to be on the Today show for like 10 minutes today. Howard said maybe not even that. He said they've had a camera there all morning. Howard said they go to the guys over there once in a while and say that Howard is going to join them this morning. Howard said they cut to the show and they had Nicole Bass on the couch. Howard said she's sprawled out on the couch with her feet out. Howard said they were going to cut to the studio and the director took a look and wondered what was going on there. Howard said it was Nicole in a mini-skirt. Howard said just imagine you tune into the Today show and see that. Howard said that's what they should cut to for the Howard Stern Show but they shit canned the whole shot. Howard said they saw Nicole and they ran. He said it was the greatest thing ever.
Howard said he thinks Zach is going to bang Nicole. He said maybe not but there is an opportunity. Howard said Steve Brandano is going to chaperone a date between the two. Howard said he supposes they will pick up the tab on that. Howard said he doesn't know.
Howard said he can picture little Steve stuffed in Nicole's vagina. Howard did his impression of Steve stuck in her vagina while Fred did his Nicole voice.
Howard said at some point they're going to go to the Today show. He said they're super planned out over there but not there. Howard said Gary told him the schedule and how they should be up there at 8:43 to interview him.
Gary said what they're doing is welcoming the Today show to Sirius. Howard said he hates this kind of stuff. He said it's too much pressure. Howard said they wanted him to walk over to the Today show and then walk them over but he said that wasn't going to happen. He said it sounds so lame. He said he wasn't going to do it. He said they asked if they could visit the studio then. Howard said he was fine with that. He said he's never met Savannah. Howard said he's not going to walk over to the Today show. He said his audience would ask what he's doing.
Howard said they'll clown around and they have to remember not to curse. Howard said he has to remember that now. He said he's very used to it. Howard said he has to worry about slipping. Howard wondered if Savannah will ride the Sybian. Robin said she's pregnant. Howard said he's going to ask her about that. Howard said she's kind of brilliant. Gary said she has a law degree from Georgetown. Howard said every lawyer he knows hates their job. He said they all talk about how awful their jobs are. Gary said that she came in first place in the Arizona Bar. Howard said she's super smart.
Howard said that if Savannah leaves the show and someone comes in and gets bigger ratings, she's gone. Robin said pregnancy often raises the ratings though. Howard said that Savannah Guthrie is super smart. He said to be number one on the bar is impressive. He said she's no bimbo.
Howard asked Robin if she has any regrets that she's not having a kid. Robin said she has no regrets. Howard said he should just fuck her. Howard said he'll do that later after Savannah leaves.
Howard said he was so impressed with Robin's pronunciation of Tehran that a song came about. Howard played the song and they had taken the clip and put it in the song ''Da Do Run-Run''. Howard said the guys came up with a show idea for Netflix. It was ''House of Tards'' like ''House of Cards.'' It had Gary the Retard playing the lead. Wendy played the first lady of course.
Howard said the gay pride parade was happening and the guys showed some pictures of the cast and asked if they thought they were tops or bottoms. He said they showed pictures of Benjy and Fred. One guy said that Benjy was a top and Fred was the bottom. Another guy said Benjy looks aggressive and he looks like a top. Howard said Fred looked more feminine to the guys. Fred said that's nice.
Howard said they showed Jon and Gary's pictures to the guys and the gay guys were saying they looked like bottoms.
Howard said they showed pictures of him and Imus and people were perceiving him as a bottom. Howard said Imus is so the bottom. Howard said he would crack Imus like a walnut.
Howard said they teamed Ronnie up with Scott the Engineer. Howard played that clip and the gay guys were saying that Ronnie looks like he would be of service to Scott. Howard said he would love to see that. Some of the guys said Scott looked like the bottom.
Howard said he should probably break before the Today show thing happens. Gary said they just have to make sure they're not in commercial between 8:40 and 9:00. He said that they could be on as early as 8:40. He said that they will be on for like 8 minutes.
Gary said he has to warn Howard about something. He said they're doing this Polar Plunge thing on the Today show and they poured a bucket of ice on someone. Howard said if anyone comes in with a bucket of ice Gary should tackle them. Howard said if anyone pours ice on them he will behead them. Howard said he doesn't want that. He said he doesn't have to play those games. Howard said they can pour it on Gary but not on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Matt and Al brought up how Howard was going to be on today. He said Savannah might be smart but she asked if it was okay to ave Howard on their show. Howard said he knows the rules. He said he's on network TV so he knows the rules. Howard said he thinks he's going to go pee and take a break. He said he wants to be empty when he's on TV.
Gary said they should break now. He said Matt and Savannah are walking over now. Howard said he'll go to break then. Fred played a prank call they did with Nicole Bass years ago with one of the guys having phone sex with her. Fred played some outtakes of Ronnie trying to read some lines for a bit and then they went to break.
Howard said he's interested in Savannah because of her brain. Howard said she got a law degree from Georgetown. Howard said she got the highest Bar exam score in the state. She said that was true.
Howard said he knows Matt from the old days. He said he has no background and only pretends to be smart. Howard asked if she was always brilliant. She said she was a high school slacker. Matt said she's the smartest one in the make up room every morning.
Howard said that Savannah is pregnant and he's wondering if she worries that she could lose her job. Savannah said that she's got some plans. She said she'll be gone a couple of months. Howard told her to warm up that law degree. Savannah said she hopes to bond with the viewers so she's going to do a live birth on the Today show. She said she's been going to Lamaze classes with Matt and she's doing it that way.
Howard asked who is going to replace her for those months she's gone. Howard said Katie Couric says she won't be there but there could be a surprise. Savannah said that they have a few people who are going to fill in for her. She mentioned a few and Howard thought he heard Tan Mom. It was Tamron Hall. Savannah said she thinks they'll be in great shape when she's gone. Howard said that she's going to be sitting there watching the show pulling her hair out when she's out. Howard said it would be great if she had Postpartum depression after having the baby. Howard said they could talk to the experts and that would help her relate to the women.
Howard said Savannah could have the baby and then she comes back and kills Matt on camera. Matt said Howard should program the Today show.
Howard said he welcoming them to SiriusXM. Howard had some stuff for them. Howard had a copy of Gary's book ''They Call Me Baba Booey'' and a few other items they found laying around.
Matt said he heard that Howard had a problem with this charity challenge. Howard said he'd like to know what's going on with morning TV. He said it sounds horrible. Matt said they still cover the news at 7. He said they do other things in the 8 o'clock hour. Howard said it's such a shock to the nervous system to be doused in ice water. Howard said he would behead anyone who did that to him.
Matt asked if he's turning down the challenge. Howard said he gives to charity but he's not getting sucked into his nightmare show. Matt said he got sucked into it too. Howard said he doesn't have to do anything. Matt said he's going to stay on him until he does.
Howard asked Savannah if she knows what she's having. Savannah said she is keeping it a secret. Matt said he knows. Savannah said her husband is very excited about this. Howard asked if she's having a natural child birth. She said she'd like to but she cant do it without pain relievers.
Howard asked if Savannah is going to write a book about having a baby and working the job. She said she wont. Howard asked if she hopes that the ratings go down while she's off. Matt said they really have to go. Robin told Matt to douse Howard with the water when they're out to dinner. Matt said he'll do that. Howard went to break so they could end the segment.
Gary said there is a whole other group that walks over with them. He said that's like 10-12 people on top of the other crew. Howard said they have more of an audience than the Today show does. Gary said he tells guests he's pitching that same thing. Gary said they get all of the respect on TV though.
Howard said they can't get Cameron Diaz there to promote Sex Tape. Gary said Jason Segel and Cameron were there at Sirius yesterday and they avoided the show. Howard said it's not like they don't get big name guests. Howard said they put a 10 second delay on the Today show for the first time ever. It was just for him.
Howard asked Gary if he asked about Jason and Cameron coming in. Gary said that her agent tells him that the show isn't right for her. Gary said he tries to call but he can't get anyone on the phone. Howard said he thinks it would be a fun place for her. He said that some people just think they have to protect their image. Howard said ''Please.'' Gary said he's dealing with a pretty big rock name and the flat out rejected them. Gary said there are these fears that go back to 30 years ago. He said they heard the show in 1982 and they haven't heard it since.
Howard said he said the guys could eat the leftovers from the Today show and Jason ran right in there. Robin asked what's special about it. Gary said it's free. Gary said they'll send the interns out to get something to eat and tell them to buy something for themselves. He said Benjy will limit them to 8 bucks.
Gary said there was a huge cry when Crumbs stopped sending free cupcakes up there. Howard said they used to send them every Wednesday. Gary said it used to be 6 boxes of a dozen each. He said they'd send other bakery items and then it got to be less and less. By the end it was one box. Robin said she heard they were going out of business. Gary said they opened up a lot of stores all over the place and then other competition came out.
Jason came in and said that he took pictures of the food and didn't go back there to eat it. He said there was a lot of stuff there. Jason said they provide all of that for their people and the people aren't thrilled by it. He said they just thought it was okay. Jason said he had never seen a spread like that. He said they're used to their kitchen at the Today show.
Howard said he heard Jason ate a bagel with butter and cream cheese on it at the last writer's meeting. Jason said the bagels were not very good. He said he did that for taste. He had butter on one side and cream cheese on the other. Howard said Jason has just given up completely.
Howard gave the Today show channel a plug. They're simulcasting the live show and running other stuff during the day.
Howard said that's what he likes about Sirius. He said if they suck then you can change the channel to something else. Howard said if someone subscribes to Sirius and they're not hitting a home run they can listen to something else. He said that keeps them happy.
Howard read some email he got about the birthday bash. He said this guy liked it because it was free. Howard said that was a nice one.
Howard said that someone wrote in about JD and told him not to take advice from King of All Blacks. Howard said someone wrote in asking why there was no talk about Crumbs bakery. Howard said he didn't know anyone cared.
Howard said someone wrote about how Jackie is turning in his grave hearing him talking about how he'd leave if his staff was fired. Howard said he was talking about Robin and Fred.
Howard said he had all kinds of stuff in the email. He said he's not sure if they want to get into it. He said he just wants to do the news.
Howard said Sour Shoes called into the Dan Patrick show. Howard said he was so good. Howard played the clip and Sour called in as Don Imus and then did his Gary impression and Mad Dog Russo and other impressions. Dan played along with Sour and asked him questions as if he were Mad Dog Russo. Sour did his impression of Captain Janks and did his baby voice and other tings. Dan had him play some piano too. He did a Billy Joel song and then went into his Scott Ferrall impression and then back to his Mad Dog Russo.
Howard said it's amazing to him that Dan allows that. He said it's mostly references to his show. Howard said his audience may not even know what's going on there. Howard said it was a great call though.
Howard said he has to get to the news. He said he'll get to more stuff tomorrow. Robin tried to start but Fred played her theme music really loud over her.
Robin started off talking about The View and that led to Howard talking about who he thinks will be on the show. Howard asked Robin if she saw the show The Strain. Robin said she's watching the first episode. Howard said he thinks it was really good. Robin said she's reserving judgment. She said she needs a good vampire show. Howard said True Blood really blows. He said he's only watching it because he's so invested in the show. He said he hopes something good happens in the final season. He said Sookie did get naked in one episode. He said he thinks she's hot. Robin said she doesn't care about that though. She said there is no story there.
Robin read a story about how friends have DNA in common more so than strangers. Robin said that's what a study found. Howard said that's ridiculous. Howard said that must be why he hates Benjy so much. Robin said people tend to select friends that resemble them.
Robin read a story about how we're closer to finding another Earth or signs of life on a distant planet. Robin had some audio of a scientist talking about that. Howard said she sounds very out of breath. Howard said he was thinking about jimmy Kimmel and Molly having a baby in 2014 and how the whole world is a mess. He said it's just a matter of time before something happens and the whole world is ruined for that kid. Howard said the idea of finding a new earth is great because there might be a chance for us to survive. Robin said either that or we'll go there and fuck it up like we are doing with this planet.
Robin asked Howard if a state should be prevented from printing license plates with the Confederate flag on it. Howard said yes. Robin said an appeals court says that it's a free speech thing with the flag. Howard wondered why people are caught up in that flag. He said he just wonders why people are still so into it. Howard said he knows the flag is code for something. Robin said the south wanted to secede from the country. Howard said they should do it. Howard said he'd like to see how long they function. Howard said he sees that flag and it makes him think that the person who has it wants to go back to the slave owning days. Robin said it was all about keeping slavery going. Howard said it was a giant mistake to enslave a race of people based on their skin color. Howard said it's an idiotic thing to put on your car. He said maybe they should put on their car ''I enjoy being an idiot.''
Robin said there are people who want to re-brand the swastika. Howard said that won't happen. Robin said there's a group that wants to reclaim the symbol as one of peace. Robin wished them luck with that. Howard said if you're for the whole slavery thing then don't put it on your car. He said that might be something you want to keep to yourself.
Robin read a story about Bowe Bergdahl and how he will be kept behind a desk. Robin said that some people are upset that he abandoned his crew and was allowed to come back to serve. Robin Bergdahl is due back to work soon.
Robin read a story about how it's Derek Jeter's last All Star game this year. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Howard asked Fred if he has the King of All Blacks theme song. Fred found it and played it as Howard picked up on King. King said Gary was on that Wrap Up Show yesterday saying the dumbest thing. He said Gary said if he stayed at home and his wife was rich and he got divorced he wouldn't ask for alimony. Howard said he would. King said there's nothing noble about that. Howard asked how he would make a living. Howard said if he didn't have a source of income he'd have to ask for money. King said Gary said he would go get a job and not ask for money. Howard said he thinks that Gary is trying to say he's not a money grubber. He has pride as a man. King said he hates people like that who say good morning. He said they can't do anything for him. Howard let King go after that. Howard said they went through the trouble of finding that theme song for him. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read some news about A-Rod and also some news about a DVR feature that Dish Network has that they had to fight for in court.
Robin read about John Kerry condemning Hamas. Robin had some audio of Kerry talking about that. That led to Howard talking about how this country is the only one that seems to want to stand up for what's right. He said we do try to do the right things but we're not perfect. He said we're the only ones left to stand up to the bullies around the world. He said we can't be involved in everything but we do give something of a shit. He said the Chinese have checked out. He said he's not sure what's going on with the Russians. He said America is the one hope. He said we're probably the last hope on this planet. He said we have to draw a line in the sand because we're the only ones left. He said we're like Mommy and Daddy. He said that's the way he sees the world. Robin said we can only hope that the apes take over. Howard said the apes are better than humans. He said we act like we're the be all and end all of this planet. He said kittens deserve this planet more than we do.
Robin read a story about how 12 bodies were found in Baghdad and they were shot execution style. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how Roger Waters is telling Neil Young not to play in Tel Aviv. Howard asked who Roger Waters thinks he is. Robin read more details about that story. Howard wondered what happened to Roger Waters. Robin said he has his views on the Palestinian's. Howard asked what he would do if Israel just walked away. He said that those people aren't welcome in Arab countries. Howard said maybe Roger shouldn't play the United States because of what we did to the Native Americans.
Robin said Tracy Morgan has spoken to the press. She said he waved and said a few words to the media waiting outside his home in New Jersey. Robin said Tracy said he's okay and that he's feeling strong. Howard said he's a gentleman.
Robin read about how President Bush had knee surgery this week. Robin said he should be back on his mountain bike in a few weeks. Howard said that's just great.
Robin read about how Octomom is back in the news. She plead guilty to fraud charges. Robin read about what she was charged with. Howard said those poor kids were born into the worst situation. He said she should make a few extra bucks. Howard said he can't imagine living in that hell hole.
Robin read about how they're going to kill off Archie in the Archie comics. Robin read about how they're doing that.
Robin read about Billy Joel's mother died at the age of 92. Howard said he knew that. Robin said she died on Sunday.
Robin read about how Lindsay Lohan is thinking of moving to London. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard spent a minute talking about the chicks in the Archie comics and how hot they were. Howard and Fred spent a minute on that and then Howard ended the show around 10:00am.
Jon said he wanted to start off talking about Howard's mood. He said at 6:02 he announced he was in a bad mood. Gary said they knew it at 5:42. Jon said they did. He said everyone seemed to be getting under everyone's skin. Gary said the Today show thing was all over the place sand it all happened so fast. He said they had a lot of extra people there. He said Nicole showed up a half hour late too.
Jon asked what happened with the Eric the Actor theme song. Gary said he told Richard and Sal to give the songs to Fred. He said Sal said he had a page made up called Wack Packer theme songs. He asked Sal if he told Fred that and he said no. Gary said then he came back and said he did tell Fred that yesterday in the writer's meeting. Gary said he should always follow up with an email so the process was 99 percent right. He said it didn't work though. Gary said the problem was that no one could remember what song Howard was talking about. Jon said when that happens early in the show it sets a tone. Gary said they listen to a lot of things off the air and they don't remember them all. He said Eric is the hot topic right now. He said he has a lot of Eric stuff that they've gotten in the past 2 weeks. He said that theme song was one that was hard to remember.
Jon said it seems like sometimes Gary is asking for an answer and he can't get one. Gary said he has to delegate things and if someone doesn't get it right then he gets yelled at. Jon said that's his role there though. Gary said that's true. He said if it doesn't stop with him then where does it stop?
Jon said that they had the Nicole Bass dating game today and Nicole has been asking to get on the show for so long. He said the day finally arrives and she's 30 minutes late. Gary said it was almost 45 minutes late actually. He said it was 10 after 7 and Howard was ready to tell her to go home. Gary said part of why they love people in the wack pack is because they act wacky. He said he thought about it and her life has been a bit of a mess so he shouldn't be surprised.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they should have a theme song for Nicole Bass to the tune of ''We Are the Champions.'' He said he can tell when Howard is in a bad mood when he comes in. He said that must set everyone else off there too. He said that's what happens at his job. Gary said Howard is entitled to have a bad day. He said he doesn't get angry himself but he has anxiety when Howard is in a bad mood. Jon said if Howard is in a great mood then Gary is relaxed. He said that can turn on a dime though.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if there is anything sexy about Nicole in person. Gary said that's not his type. He said he's not into body builders. Steve Brandano said she has huge boobs. The caller asked how her ass is. Gary said it's like an ass attached to big boobs. Gary said she was up front and said that she's not in shape and she's 265 pounds. Steve said he had never seen her before. Steve said he didn't know what to expect so what he saw was what he expected. He said she's intimidating. Gary said she can be. He said they had a conversation off the air about Ronnie and if he could take her down. Jon said she's a body builder and she has size. Steve said if she gave you a football charge she might take them down.
Gary said that Nicole has been on the show for ages and she was just a goof. He said she was on the show one day when Schwarzenegger was on and he said hi to her like he knew her. He said he clearly knew her from the body building world.
Jon asked why Nicole was so sweaty today. Gary said she did run in there. He said that might be why. Jon said that Steve is going to be chaperoning Nicole and Zach on their date. Gary said he used to do that with show guests and those dates can be kind of boring. He said that he will just have to observe and wait for things to happen. Gary said back in the early days there were no rules. He said now you have to be really careful. Gary said he used to take out 5 couples at a time. He said they did a lot of dial-a-date type things and he'd have to take 5 couples at a time. He said every once in a great while a couple would hit it off.
Jon asked Gary what his most memorable chaperone thing was. Gary said they had a girl who said she was a 10 come in for a date. He said she wasn't a 10. He said she was maybe a 6 and change. He said this guy who agreed to the date showed up for the date and he hasn't seen her yet. Gary said the girl comes and he introduces them. Gary said he was at the table with 10 people including this couple. He said the guy gets up and then a waiter comes over. He said he wondered who would call him. He said the guy grabbed him and threw him up against the wall. He said he was so mad at how she looked. He said that he told the guy she's really nice and she just got there. He said it's a free meal and he could come back and just eat. He said he ended up coming back and eating and talking to the woman. He said he thought for sure that he was going to beat the shit out of him though.
Gary said he went out once and Fred the Elephant Boy was there eating chips and he was like a wood chipper with the chips. He said on the other side was a girl with Tourette's who was making noise the whole time. He said Kimberly Taylor was there that night too.
Gary said he took a girl to a date once and the guy didn't show up. He said she just about ran out. He said he kept her there and told her to just sit down and eat. He said he and the girl ended up hitting it off. He said his most memorable is the Fred and Alison date. He said that they had a mother-daughter dial a date and the mother was a huge fan of Fred's. He said she was always after him. Gary said that Fred wanted nothing to do with her. Gary said they had a car service that never showed up to pick up Alison. He said she showed up an hour late for the date. Gary said she showed up and then this woman who was into Fred started going after her. Gary said Alison didn't back down and she had balls of steel. He said that he thinks that's what Fred liked about her. Jon said Fred made the right call because they're still together to this day.
Gary said that night Fred went home with Alison and he ended up showing up to work late the next morning. He said that they really did hit it off that first night.
Jon said Ronnie is there. He said he handled things very well today. Jon asked if he felt that people were on edge today. Ronnie said there were a lot of uptight people today. He said Gary was yelling at everyone today. He said he heard he went off on Scott today. Ronnie said he was in the studio during the game and as he was walking in he heard Gary going off on Scott. He said he didn't hear all of it though. Jon said they'll find out why after a break.
Jon asked Ronnie who Gary was yelling at. Ronnie said he heard him go off on Sal this morning and then he went off on someone about the headphones. Gary said he went off on Sal about the song that Howard was looking for. He said he has to yell across the office for Sal to hear it. He said it doesn't start out of frustration. He said the longer Sal doesn't answer him the longer Howard is waiting for an answer out of him.
Jon asked if Scott was upset once Ronnie went into the studio. Ronnie said he kept his door shut after that. Jon said that's how you know he's upset. He said he keeps his door open. Ronnie said Scott told him to keep the door closed and that's how he knows something is going on.
Jon asked why Gary yelled at Scott. Gary said he's going to deal with it off the air. He said he didn't want to talk about it on the air. Jon said that's fine.
Jon asked Ronnie if he could handle Nicole Bass. Ronnie said there's only one way to find out. He said she's big but she's out of shape now. He said she's still strong but she's been through a lot of shit. Gary said if she took a run at him she'd move him. Ronnie said he'd be jumping out of the way. He said she'd hit the wall or something instead of him.
Ronnie said he has a bone to pick with Jon. He said yesterday they were talking to JD and he mentioned that he brought Stephanie to his daughter's Bat Mitzvah he was shocked. Jon said he missed the part where he said Ronnie had told him before hand so he knew she was coming. He said everyone was in shock when they saw Ronnie and Stephanie. Ronnie said everyone knew though. Gary said seeing it was a different thing. He said it was surprising. Ronnie said it's 7 years later and it's all good. Jon said he wasn't shocked. He said he was shocked at the shock that everyone else had. Jon said he's sorry if it didn't come out that way.
Gary said he told his wife that Ronnie had a young girlfriend. He said he didn't want to be a dick and ignore her so they went out of their way not to. Ronnie said mostly everyone was okay.
Jon asked Ronnie if he knew it was going to be a long term thing. Ronnie said it was really new back then. He said he didn't know what was going to happen.
Gary asked Ronnie if he was debilitated then she wouldn't be allowed into his hospital room because it's family only. Ronnie said that he was allowed in her room when she was in the hospital. Gary said that's because she was awake and able to tell them. Gary said if Ronnie is in a coma or something then he won't be able to tell anyone.
Jon asked Ronnie why he's not going to marry her. Ronnie said he feels it's not necessary in a way. He said they share expenses and things like that. Gary asked if he has a will. Ronnie said he does but he didn't want to get into it. Gary asked if something happened to him tomorrow, would she have to move out. Ronnie said no. He said she's covered right now.
Ronnie said he feels like he's taking life away from her if she never gets married. He said he doesn't know what he's going to do. Ronnie said he doesn't think about it that much but Stephanie thinks about it. He said they were sitting outside the other night and they had the conversation. Ronnie said they talk about the age difference and what will be going on in 20 years. He said he may not even be there but she will be 52. He said maybe no one will want her then. Jon said Ronnie is always the romantic.
Gary said he has a friend who got married after divorcing and he said he'd never marry again. He said the guy said he did it because people respect her more as his wife. Ronnie said he hit on something there. He said they went to a wedding recently and it came addressed to him and her. He said when they got there they went to pick up the place cards and it said ''Ronnie Mund and Guest.'' He said she flipped out over that. He said she wanted to leave. Jon said he can see that as a personal shot. Ronnie said they've been to other things where they put their name on it and it's fine.
Ronnie said he was ready to leave the wedding if she wanted to leave. He said that some people calmed her down and she was fine though so they stayed.
Jon said that Ronnie and Stephanie are more of a married couple than some of the married people there. Gary said he bets that Ronnie and Stephanie had more sex than Sal and his wife had in the whole year. Ronnie said they have sex at least 3 or 4 times a week. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Gary what the chances of Howard taking the polar plunge for charity are. Gary said that's zero. He said that he knew Howard wouldn't do it as soon as he heard about it.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she backs up Stephanie in the wedding thing. She said that when you invite someone to a wedding then you put their name on it. Gary said that it does sound lazy to him. The caller said that it makes it seem like Ronnie might bring someone else. She said she'd be offended too.
Jason came in and said that if anyone is making Stephanie seem irrelevant it's Ronnie. He said if you're just dating someone you put ''...and guest.'' He said that's just what you do. Gary said they had her name on the mailed envelope though. Gary said that her name should be on the place card too. Jason said that's fine but there was obviously a lack of communication there. He said Ronnie should marry her if he wants her treated the right way.
Jason said he met his girlfriend around 20 or so. He got engaged at 28. Gary said he thinks age plays a big part in this relationship. Jason said he doesn't know why he wouldn't get married. He said if he wants her to be taken seriously then he should marry her.
Lisa G said that if Stephanie wants kids then Ronnie should leave. She said no one is holding a gun to her head though. Lisa asked why he would say that no one will want her when she's in her 50s. Ronnie said they joked about stuff like that. He said he wasn't being serious. He said the age difference is something they joke about all the time.
Jon asked Lisa if she thinks that Ronnie should have proposed to Stephanie already. Lisa was talking about how it's all about the timing for the couple. She said that she heard Ronnie being very sincere about his love for her and not wanting to hold her back. Ronnie said he's talked to her about that since the beginning. He said he has asked her if she knows what she's doing there. Jason said he's pretty sure he's holding his wife back. He said he thinks they've all overshot their goals with their significant others.
Gary said if Ronnie did get married it would be a great party. He said that they'd probably want smaller flowers and more liquor. Jon said it could be the best wedding ever. Jon said for the day he promises to the day it happens it will be incredible. Jon said he knows he'll do it right.
Ronnie said he doesn't want to pay for the wedding. Jon asked if he's going to ask her dad to pay for it. Ronnie said that's the tradition. Gary said he's not going to Ohio for the wedding. He said he doesn't think he could do the bachelor party. He said they'd have to go to Rome. Jason said the best party ever was Ronnie's birthday party. He said they can't top that. Jon said it would be an A+ party. Jason said they should just have a party.
Gary said the best thing to do is upgrade the ring. Ronnie said that she has a list at Steven Singer Jewelers. He said he just has to call and ask for what she has and he can have it shipped to his house.
Jon said that it seems like Ronnie is kind of wavering on this. Jon asked when it would happen. Ronnie said she has said she'd be happy if it happens by their 10th anniversary. Ronnie said he'd have to get engaged first. Gary said it doesn't take that long to put a wedding on.
Jon asked Lisa what she had in her news headlines. Lisa ran down a couple of things they had coming up and they ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:05am.
Howard started the show playing clips of Nicole Bass laughing from yesterday's show. Howard said she was on the dating game yesterday. He said those were all of her laughs strung together. Howard replayed the clip. He said he felt good for Nicole being in there yesterday. He said she was down after her husband died. Howard said she left there on cloud nine after finding Zach.
Howard played a clip of Nicole singing ''You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman'' and said she was in love. Robin said it's wonderful to raise the spirits. Howard said there's nothing natural there but you have to love her. Howard said someone asked if that was the Jolly Green Giant. He said he had to tell them it wasn't.
Howard said John Oliver is going to stop by to say hello this morning. He took a call from a guy who said he enjoyed that Nicole segment yesterday. He said he thinks she deserves that guy. Fred did his impression of Nicole for a few seconds. He added some of her new laugh in his impression.
The caller asked when the date is going to happen. Howard said he thinks it's tonight or tomorrow. Howard said they have to make sure Zach doesn't get out of town. Howard played more of Nicole's laugh and Fred did his impression of her. He had Howard laughing. Howard had Fred do his impression and asked Nicole to jump up and down and break the floor like Herman Munster. Fred played the clip and did more of that new laugh.
The caller asked if they're going to be back on the air to hear about the date. Howard said that's the plan. The caller said he's just happy for Nicole. Fred thanked him as Nicole.
Howard said he has Tarro on the phone. He was in the game yesterday. He drove in from West Virginia. Tarro said it was a 7 and a half hour trip for him. He said it was good to meet Nicole in person. He said he didn't know how tall she was until she stood up. He said he thinks he was at eye level with her nipple.
Tarro said he met Lisa G back stage and he thinks he fell in love with her. He said he can't get her to reply to him on Twitter or anything. Howard said he thinks that she's a proper woman. He said she won't go for that Twitter relationship. Tarro said he asked her out while he was up there but she didn't answer. Howard thanked Tarro for the call and let him go.
Howard said he knows a guy who knows Ringo fairly well and he asked if he says peace and love a lot. He said the guy says he doesn't know the half of it. Howard said he thinks that Ringo is an angry guy. The guy says it's constant and it's all angry. He said that it's like he's going to beat the shit out of you with peace and love.
Howard said Ringo looks like he turned out to be the best looking Beatle. Howard said he looks 30 years younger than his age. Howard said he looks fantastic and he's the luckiest drummer in the world. Howard said maybe his anger is because he didn't write any tunes. Howard said he must have a lot of money and he has a good looking wife. Howard said he's pissed anyway. Howard said people asked him why he's pissed and he doesn't even know why.
Robin said she's noticed that Howard makes a lot of references to god on AGT. Howard said they just edit it that way. Howard said he says ''Oy vey'' a lot too. He said they take out the Pace and Love stuff from the show.
Howard said last night's show was a recap show. Robin said it was good though. She said that she got to see different things that they said to the contestants.
Howard said he heard that Derek Jeter got a couple of hits last night in the all star game. Howard said someone yelled out ''Overrated'' during the game and then Jeter hit a double. Howard said he could play a couple more seasons if he wanted to. He said he's getting out at the right time. Fred said he's a genius. He said he's given himself a god like status compared to other people. Robin said the surprising thing is that he's a normal size. He's not all juiced up.
Robin asked if he bangs her on her birthday. Howard said she's disgusted but of course he did. Howard said they watched The Bachelorette first.
Howard said they have two kittens at home that are great. He said he has Robin Ophelia who is the most wonderful kitten. Howard said she's the best. Howard said she's in town with her sister. Howard said this Robin Ophelia is in his lap every minute. Howard said she's like the real Robin. Howard said he told Beth that she had to wrap up with her quick so he could watch Bachelorette and bang her.
Howard said The Bachelorette is the best sleeping pill. He said they drag the show out for 2 hours. He said they have nothing to say. He said every date is the same. Howard said some stuff that the Bachelorette says in the show that's the same thing over and over. Howard said he still loves the show.
Howard said he wasn't able to finish the show. He said he wanted to go to bed but Beth smelled so good that he had to bang her. He said that he was rubbing on her and he said he thinks he wants to fuck and Beth was just about passed out. He said she just said okay. He said he crawled on top of her like Nosferatu. He said he told her this was her present. Howard did his Nosferatu impression and Fred played some eerie music behind him as he talked about climbing on top of Beth to bang her. They threw in Benjy's screams at the end of that.
Howard said they had quite a birthday night. He said he thinks she enjoyed it but who knows. Howard said it was fun. Robin asked if it was just them. Howard said it was just the two of them.
Fred played a clip of Chyna the wrestler making some sex sounds. Then he played her laughing with a sort of cough in it. Howard said he likes that Little Lupe ''Vagina pussy'' clip. Fred played that too. Howard said she stopped doing their show. Howard said she's in a girl band now. He said he's sure that's going well. He went to break after that.
The caller, Rich, asked if he's been watching The Leftovers. Howard said he saw the first one and thought it was good. Robin said she's trying to watch it.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who asked if he was into the Peanuts cartoons. Howard said he hates stupid comics like that. He said he likes Superman, Batman, Green Lantern, Aquaman and things like that. He said Peanuts is a wast of time. Speech asked if he's into Penny Dreadful. Howard said he has no idea what it is but it sounds like it's awful. Howard said it sounds like a teenage girl spy to him. Speech said it's monsters and vampires. Robin said she hasn't gotten into that yet. Howard said Ralph tells him he has to watch Fargo. He said he's going to watch that this weekend. Howard said he's got a whole list of things to watch.
Speech asked about Banshee. Howard said that's one of the best shows on TV. He said the chick is really hot in that show. He said she's in love with the sheriff on the show. Howard said she's skinny and she doesn't have big boobs but he likes that.
Speech said something about the show and Howard said he has to get out of this conversation. He said he gets bored with people after 30 seconds.
Howard had Hanzi on the phone so he picked up on him. He said hello and Howard said he loves the way he says hello. Howard had Fred play a theme song for Hanzi. He played the ''Imran Khan Lives with his Dad and Mom'' song. Howard said they have another Hanzi theme song too. Fred played a Daniel Mendelson parody.
Hanzi said he finally went to him today. He said he called on Monday and wanted to thank him for the money. He said he must not want Happy Hanzi. He said he must want to piss him off. Howard said there are some days there are other things going on beside Hanzi. Hanzi said he took other calls that day. Howard asked what he can do for him. He said he must have something important to say. Hanzi said it's interesting when he wants to pay them a compliment he won't pick up. Howard said in his mind he's the center of the universes but in reality no one is thinking about him. He said in his mind he thinks people are thinking about him. He said he has to get his own thing going where he becomes his own center of his own universe. Hanzi told him to shut up. Howard said no.
Howard asked if he has any hobbies. Hanzi said no. He said he has wasted his life on hobbies before. He said he used to listen to hip hop and things. Howard said that's not a hobby. He said that's just a waste of time. Howard said if he was recording songs that would be different. Howard said he's into painting and things. Hanzi said he would like to be in movies. Howard said he can't help with that. Howard said it's like asking someone else to put him in radio. Howard said he went out and made a tape and got obsessed with radio. Howard said he was at the station 20 hours a day. He said when he got into radio he was terrible at it. He said they hired him because he was reliable. Howard said he would sit there on the weekends and make commercial after commercial. He said he would cut it up and work on it. He said he got hired as a production director because of that. Howard said he got like $5 more per commercial. He said he could have said it was bullshit but that's what he did.
Hanzi said that he guarantees he gets paid under the table for calling into the show and he doesn't even know about it. Howard said he's really ill. Howard asked who gets the money they send. Hanzi said he gets the money. He said he just got it. Howard asked if they secretly pay him for the money where does it go. Hanzi said maybe his parents have it. Howard said he thinks that his parents have like $10 million.
Howard said he gets more hate mail about Hanzi than anyone else. Howard said the only people into him are him and Robin. Fred said he's into him too. Fred played another couple of song parodies about Hanzi. Howard said he had to let him go and Hanzi freaked out. He said he wants to ask John Oliver a question. Howard said he's not there yet. Hanzi said he has some questions for him. He said he knows Howard is going to change his tune over Israel when he's in. Howard said he's not going to change his tune. Hanzi said Israel is at fault. He said that Zionists run Israel. Howard said he doesn't want to hear that today. Howard said they're the indigenous people of that area. Hanzi was going on and on but Howard said he sickens him. He said if you're anti Israel then you're anti-America. Howard said they're the only ones standing up for them.
Howard said that Roger Waters is all worried about what's going on over there. Howard said that Jews were being executed and killed and that little desert that they live in no one wanted. Howard said the median income over there is 30,000. He said the Palestinians have a median income of $2,000. He said they're all angry even though they're in the same spot. He said that they're mad at Israel over the income. He said it's a miserable life living over there. He said they have terrorists running their country. Howard told them to get off their high horse. Howard said it's ridiculous.
Howard said the Jews would move to Mars if they could. Howard said it's so much bullshit going down. Howard said it's the same with black people. He said people are screaming about black people but guess what, they brought them there. Howard said they were wrapped up in chains so they're there now and you have to deal with it. Howard said as far as he knows when one of those Arab countries figures out nuclear bombs the only army will be the Israeli army. He said that's why we have to get off this planet. He said people can't live together.
Howard played the clip of the black guy talking about eating ass and how it's not a big deal. Howard said we are so doomed. Howard said this is what people are thinking about. Howard played more of the clip and the guy was talking about how the ass was made to be eaten because of the padding back there. He said eating ass is good for you. Howard said Ronnie should hook up with this dude. He played more of the guy talking about going back there and how it's like eating food. Howard said this guy is gross.
Howard said he has another reason to hate Pat Robertson. He said he just won't go away. He said what he does on his TV show is so dangerous. Howard said he raises money on that TV show of his and then he spreads views that are dangerous. Howard said this is not responsible. Howard played the clip and Pat's sidekick was reading a letter from a woman who asked if Christians can be attacked by demons. Robertson said they can. Howard said if you're a religious freak and you're a little dumb, which most are, he just advised people that if this kid has stomach pains he might be possessed. Robertson was talking about how they need to get someone to do spiritual warfare with this. Howard said he's advising them to get a real quack. Robertson was telling people to look into their family to find out if they're into the occult or something. Howard said this guy thinks this stuff is real. Howard said maybe go to a doctor and see if the kid has some kind of ailment.
Howard said this guy is talking about ghosts and things. Howard asked if he's moronic or what. He can't even say occult or tarot cards. Howard did his impression of Robertson talking nonsense. Howard had him advising people to check to make sure the child hasn't been around Jews lately. Howard goofed on the way he said ''tarot cards'' and things like that.
Howard said he should have gotten into religion. He said he could be making money off people like that. Howard continued to do his impression of Robertson and talked about how he's almost telling people they have to kill off their kid to get rid of the demons. Howard asked what that is. He said he's telling people to get a qualified quack to take care of their kid.
Howard kept going with the impression and had Pat telling people to find out if their kid has been to ''Jew York'' lately because that might be the reason for his stomach problems. He said just owning a snow globe with plastic Jews in it was enough to cause diarrhea.
Robin said she loves the woman reading the question. Howard said she's very dangerous too. He said she's reading it like it's a real thing.
Howard goofed on Pat and his sidekick a little more and replayed the clip of Pat talking about the demons thing. Howard said the guy sounds like he's on death's door. Howard said the guy thanks the person for taking the time to write to him. Howard said this guy is the only man on the planet with vocal fry.
Howard said there's not a week that goes by when you don't read about some nutty parent who tortured their child thinking they were possessed. Howard said imagine you're trapped in a house with a nut mother who thinks she's trapped with a demon. Howard said maybe you'll get a stomach problem from thinking about that. Howard said these fucking mothers are nightmares. He said we have to stop procreating.
Howard said he's not even sure this woman is real. He said he can't imagine anyone would write in about something like that.
Howard replayed more of the clip where Pat is talking about the occult and tarot cards. Howard goofed on Pat some more about that. Howard did more of his impression of Pat telling people to Google ''accredited demon busting university'' and they can help you. Howard said you read about people burning their kids because they think their kid was possessed. He said it's so crazy.
Howard said he had to play that clip for Robin. Robin said it's amazing. Howard played more of the clip and Pat is telling people to look into their family history to see if any of them were into the occult or anything like that. Robin asked how you know if they were. Howard did more of his Pat impression and had him telling Robin about how he had someone come to him with demon possession so he had her dig into the family tree and they found a great uncle who gave a hand job to another man. Robin laughed. Howard, as Pat, told her that homosexuality can lead to demon possession. Howard talked about how they're seeing gay demons now. He said he knew of someone who was possessed by a gay, Jewish demon. He said that's why they need the accredited demon busting university.
Howard wondered who is giving this guy money. He said if he wanted to get the kid help he'd take him away from the woman who is writing to Pat Robertson. Howard said he has had his stomach in knots when he was growing up. He knew he had to just get out of that house. He said when he turned 18 all of his stomach pains went away. He said he had to take a break after that. He said they have John Oliver stopping by later. They went to break after that.
Howard said he can't find the voice mail clip. Howard asked Gary where it is. Will told him where it was. Howard played the clip and the guy was complaining about the whole fucking Wrap Up Show being dedicated to the ''fucktard'' JD. He said he turned it off so fucking fast he sprained his wrist. Howard said that's an angry man.
Howard said he has a clip of Riley Martin was talking about Carbon emissions and says carbohydrates instead. Howard played that clip and said that we have an atmosphere filled with pizza and other things.
Howard said there's a clip going around the internet where this AOL executive tried to cancel his cable and the guy would not let him cancel. Howard said he thought the clip was interesting. He said this guy is a real company man and Comcast has said they're going to reprimand the guy.
Howard played the clip and the guy was trying to cancel and the rep on the phone would not let him cancel. The rep was asking why he didn't want to stay with them. The guy trying to cancel just kept asking him to move on. The rep refused to move on. He just kept saying he was trying to help and wanted to know what he could do to help. The guy trying to cancel kept asking him to help him by canceling.
Howard said the guy is annoying but he's some company man. Howard said this goes on for another 3 and a half minutes. Robin wanted to hear how it ends. Howard played more of it. The two kept going back and forth over the same thing. The rep kept asking why he was canceling and the guy trying to cancel just wanted him to cancel and move on.
Howard said it's not over yet. He played even more of the two going back and forth. The rep said he could disconnect the service. He said he was working on it but it was taking some time. The canceling guy kept asking how much longer it was going to take. The rep kept asking why he was changing service. The rep eventually said it was disconnected and told the guy to have a wonderful day.
Howard said that he loves that call. Robin said he wouldn't stay on the line like that. Howard said he'd just call back and get another rep who wasn't so invested in the company. Robin said he could have asked for a manager. Howard said he'd probably do the same thing.
Howard said that there's a new movie out about Roger Ebert and he heard that it's really good. He said he heard that Roger's wife is very excited about it. He said that he gets depressed thinking about how he wasn't able to talk toward the end. He said that Roger had a great spirit but that stuff depresses him. He said something is going to get you in the end and you hope to go out with dignity. Howard said Robin didn't want to walk around with a colostomy bag the rest of her life. Robin said there's nothing wrong with that but she didn't want to do it. Howard said Robin threatened to kill the doctor if he cut out her asshole. Howard said most people get intimidated but not Robin. Robin was on fire. Howard said she was very intense over that. Robin said she called Howard and told him not to let them do it while she was asleep.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that Nick Cannon is amazing. Robin said he really is a great host. She said they showed how he goes that extra mile and does so many things on the show. She said it's amazing. Bobo said that Howard had such a scared look on his face when Nick did the mime thing. He said he loves the behind the scenes stuff.
Howard thanked Bobo for the call and played him out with a song parody. Robin asked where Bobo got his name from. Bobo said he tagged himself with it after he saw Howard in the hospital that time. Bobo said he had to take down his shrine because he's moving. Howard cut him off and thanked him for the call. He played another song parody for him. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said there's an excellent article about Freddie Mercury in Rolling Stone magazine this month. He said it's really good.
Howard said John Oliver has a new show on HBO at 11pm on HBO Sunday nights called Last Week tonight with John Oliver. Howard said it's good to meet John in person. He said he's so much more handsome in person. John said it was a low bar. Howard said he gets that all the time too.
Howard said he can't wait to jump into this with John. He said he loves a rags to riches story. Howard said he grew up in England. John said he did. He said he went to Cambridge University and he wasn't a great student. He said he was in a state school and they had to let some people in and he slipped in under that.
Howard said John started to do comedy when he was at Cambridge. He joined a comedy group there and Sacha Baron Cohen was there as well. John said Sacha was there before he was. He said that Sacha had just started Ali G as he was going into the group. Howard said he must have been brilliant. John said he doesn't know if he did much there. He said he thinks he was pretty studious. He said he seemed to come out of nowhere. He said when he did Ali G no one could believe what they were seeing.
Howard said when he started in radio people couldn't believe he was making it. John said that's what comedy is all about. He said it's like natural selection. John said that he was horrible when he started out too. Howard said people don't see all of your failures. John said that they don't know that doctors have to kill dummies over and over again to get good at their job.
John said the interesting thing with comedy is that he saw some people would start out good and they'd hit a glass ceiling. He said a little failure in your career helps. John said he had a personal Epiphany. He said he learned how to make people laugh in the back room of a pub. He said he got bored doing that. Howard said he knew how to make people laugh there and once he mastered that it got boring. Howard asked where he went from there. John said he wanted to talk about more complicated things. He said he did one gig in Birmingham and he bombed. He said it was a crushing failure. He said he hadn't been so happy in years. He said he knew that's what he wanted to do. John said he had to learn how to do that and that was exciting.
Howard asked if his family ever saw him doing that. John said he didn't want them to see him do stand up. He said they came to see him about 5 years in. He said he knew they were in town and he heard his dad about 10 minutes in laugh and he nearly left. Howard asked what his dad did for a living. John said he was a teacher. Howard asked if he did a TV show at the age of 8 or something. John said he did but it was only because he looked like an orphan kid. He said he had black hair and brown eyes and that's all he needed. John said he was just glad to get out of school.
Howard asked if he asked his dad why he did that to him by coming to the show. John said he did but it ended up being a key conversation to have. He said his dad saw that people liked it. He said he heard what people were saying about him. John said he knew that someone might say the worst thing about him he's ever heard if he did that often.
Howard asked John if his idols were British guys. John said many were but he also liked Richard Pryor and people like that. Howard asked who the British guys were. Chris Morris and Peter Cook were a couple.
Howard said it must be kind of hard to make a living in England being a comic. John said it's actually much easier to make a living over there. He said you can get paid for it wherever you go even if you're shit at it. He said you can make a living relatively quickly.
Howard said John coming to America and making it was almost an accident. He said Ricky Gervais was a fan of his. John said he kind of knew about him and he knew they were looking for someone on The Daily Show. He said Ricky put in a good word for him. Howard said he heard that Ricky put in a good word with Jon Stewart. John said he knew about the Daily Show and he loved it. Howard asked if they just hired him. John said Ricky told him to write something and put it on tape. John said he did it and wrote something. He can't remember what it was about. He said he remembers how quiet the room was. He said the guy asked him if he wanted to do it again or was that alright. John said he doesn't remember how it was but he's sure it would be hard to watch.
Howard asked how quick they hired him. John said it was pretty quick. He said they called him up and had him come over. Howard asked if he was scared. John said he wasn't too scared. Howard asked how Ricky knew him. John said he worked in radio and wrote some stuff there. He said he was writing for BBC Radio 4.
Howard said they said come to America and John came over. Howard asked if he met with Jon Stewart. John said he did. He said he went upstairs and they asked him to come work there. John said he knew if he said yes they'd tell him to go back to peasant land. He said he actually said yes and they told him to come work there.
Howard asked who he was up against. John said he has no idea. Howard said that it must be weird to go into a job like that. He asked if he was hired as an on air correspondent. John said he was but then he was made a writer.
John said he went back and packed a bag and came there. He said he landed Sunday night and something had happened with Tony Blair and George Bush so he had to do something on the show that same night he started. Howard asked if it was a wow moment for him. John said he was told not to sign a lease longer than 3 weeks because he could be fired. He said that's why he only brought one bag.
Howard said Jon is a good guy and he'll give him a chance. John said he really is. He said he's very talented and he is an amazing guy too. Howard said that it must be like an apprenticeship. John said the whole time. He said he learned the most working there.
Howard said NBC came to him and offered him a job. John said they offered him a pilot. He didn't want to leave The Daily Show though. He said that was not going to happen. John said he talked to NBC and he said he would only do a guest star thing. John said that he's a guest star that on one had ever heard of. He did ''Community'' and he was only on as a guest star.
Howard said there must have been a bigger pay day there. John said he would have thought so. He said he never wanted to find out how much it would be. He said he told his manager that he didn't want to know. He never wanted to have to turn down that kind of money. Howard said that could really fuck his head up.
Howard asked who he called first to let them know he got the job. John said he called his manager and then his friend Daniel Kitson who is a comic over in England.
Howard asked if he was able to get women. John said that he thinks that it was a big help with his career that he didn't. He said he can see their point of view. John said if you look at the people who can throw a ball far they have symmetrical faces. Howard said he's an intelligent guy though. Howard said he must have been angry at women for not finding him attractive. John said he thinks of it more as an overwhelming sadness. Howard asked if he lost his virginity early on. John said he thinks that the woman felt pitty for him. He lost his virginity around 17 or 18. He said there was no transaction made though. Howard said that might be his greatest accomplishment.
Howard asked if the ladies started noticing him on The Daily Show. John said he has no confidence. He said if he had it then it would be misplaced.
Howard said John is married now. John said she's American. Howard said when 9/11 happened she had just gotten out of high school and she joined the military. John said she joined the military as a combat medic. He said she was in Iraq from 2003 to 2005.
Howard asked if John thinks he could have been banging a lot of chicks. John said he'd like to think so. He said it's best left to the imagination though.
Robin asked how he met this woman. John said she was at the RNC when he was about to get arrested. He was shooting at a place they weren't supposed to be shooting. He said each day they would put the cameras through with the catering equipment to sneak in. Howard said it must make him nervous going into those things. John said it did at first. He said by 2008 he was dead inside.
Howard asked how they caught him. John said he was on a Visa at the time and he couldn't get caught because he'd be kicked out of the country. He said that his wife ended up hiding him from security. He said she hid him in the attic.
Howard asked John about the writer's strike and how he went on strike when he was there on a Visa. Howard asked what happens with that. John said he just remembers there was trouble. He said his lawyer told him he had a bit of a sticky situation there. Howard said he could have been deported. John said he thinks that's one of the potential outcomes. He said he would have been striking against the company that sponsored his Visa. He said they could have done that to him but they didn't.
Howard said he could have gotten deported over the RNC thing if he got arrested. John said he could have. Howard said that John is from England and he's commenting on their country so some people might get upset about that. John said he sees it as his country now too though. He said that happens with British people. He said he thinks this is his home even if his career blows up in a bad way. He said he wants to stay in this country.
Howard said he read that John got his own HBO show and he told his wife about it. John said he couldn't call her. He said she was in the Philippines helping out with the disaster there. He wasn't able to call her there because the infrastructure was gone.
John said that he did get a call from her on a satellite phone. He said that she was telling him how hellish it was there and there was no window to tell her the good news. Howard said she sounds like a saint. John said she is pretty amazing. He said she was a combat medic. John said that they were taught trauma medicine so that's why she helps in those situations. John said it doesn't make sense to him that she loves him.
Howard said Jon Stewart went to direct this movie of his. Howard said Jon just had to go do it. Howard said John filled in for him and he seemed so natural there. Howard said he saw him doing it and he seemed so relaxed. John said that wasn't the case. He said he was thinking as the camera came in that his heart might be seen pounding on the air. Howard asked if Jon came to him and told him about going to direct that movie. John said he knew he was writing it for a while. He said then he called him one weekend and told him that they were going to let him direct it. He thought that was great but then Jon said he'd be gone for 3 months. He said Jon asked him to stand in for him. Howard asked if he said yes right away. John said he did. He said he'd do whatever he wanted. Howard said he had doubts after that though. John said he put the phone down and his wife saw that he had a look on his face that didn't look good. He said she asked what was wrong.
Howard said that the loyalty to the show is wild. Howard asked if he was afraid of doing it. John said he was afraid of letting Jon down. John said the show is very important to both of them. He said Jon is the one who built it.
Howard asked if it ever occurred to him that it was going to be a disaster. John said he didn't think so but he's glad he didn't come in here before doing it.
Howard said that The Daily Show reinvented the late night talk show. He said that they are doing something different there. Howard said it was Jon's baby. John said it's very unique and Jon knew that he probably couldn't destroy it in 3 months. He said the people there are talented enough to keep it going.
Howard said John delivers the show in a way that makes it rest on his shoulders. He said he pulled it off. Howard said once he filled in suddenly there were people asking who this guy was. Howard said the ratings remained high. John said they went down ''not too much'' so that was the triumph.
Howard asked if he sat there checking the ratings every day. John said he did. He said that he didn't know fully what they meant but he wanted to know if he was getting everyone in trouble. Howard asked if the executives came in. John said they're protected from all of that.
John said that Jon was available to him to ask questions. He said he wasn't gone completely. Howard said John must love Jon for giving him a break but he must have thought about how he could have mastered it. John said that's not true. Howard said he had already mastered being in the background of the show so it was like being back in the pub. John said that he just looked at it as the end of his job when Jon came back. He said he just wanted to give him his show back in one piece. John said that's Jon's show.
Howard said he loves when hard work is rewarded. He said after everything he's done it was like he was discovered overnight. Howard said everyone was coming to him with offers. Howard said that Comedy Central should have locked him up contractually. Howard said he would imagine that Jon would be pissed at Comedy Central for not keeping him around. He said Jon should be pissed about that. John said they had no space there. He said they have shows at 11, 11:30 and 12. He said they couldn't compete with HBO in what they had to offer.
Howard said Jon knew he could lose him. John said Jon knew what was happening before he even did. He said Jon told him that they'd talk about what he should do next and he felt horrified by that. He said he just wanted everything to be the same and go back to doing what he was doing.
Howard said they were considering replacing Craig Ferguson with him. John said he never got an offer for that. He said he did speak to Les Moonves. He said that was about it. He said he went and met with Les in his office. Howard said he has a bedroom in that office. John said he never made it there. John said he can't close the deal.
Howard asked John why he had the meeting. John said he doesn't know exactly. He said it was just a meeting. He said they didn't discuss taking over any shows or anything. He said it was just a pleasure seeing someone in that role telling him ''Nice job, kid.'' John said the conversation didn't last long.
Howard said the conversation with HBO was longer. John said it was. He said he was offered the show doing one a week. He said Jon told him he'd be insane to turn it down. Howard said he still thinks Jon is upset that he doesn't have him in the fold at Comedy Central. Howard said Jon can write the material all week and they show it over and over again. He said that must be better than doing the Daily Show. John said that doing it every day gives you a mental clarity. He said that there is momentum there. Howard asked how Jon could be happy about this. He said that John went to HBO and he took the head writer with him. John said that he wanted to go somewhere for a while. He said Jon isn't upset from what he can tell. Howard said he would cut his head off with a sword if he did that to him.
Howard told John to take his wife and kids next and see how good Jon is then. John said this face of his isn't a bargaining chip for something like that. Howard said Jon is cool with all of this. John said he is. He said he's been in contact with him most weeks.
Howard asked if he's overwhelmed with this. John said he is. He said he is the boss there and he doesn't have that experience. He said he had a taste of that when he took over for Jon. He said that he knows that there are people who are thinking about Jon coming back and not wanting to pay attention to him.
Howard asked if he has an executive running things for him. John said he does not. He said it's just him and two other people running it. Howard asked what kind of budget he has on the show. John said it took a few months to even find a studio. He said he has a good budget. He said that every studio in New York has a kitchen in the middle of it. He said they went to see the Rachel Ray studio and they had an oven in the middle of it. He said he didn't want to do a baking segment.
Howard asked where he found a studio. John said it's on 57th. He said that they have an audience but they're mostly silent. Howard said he has to have an audience there though. John said he does. He said that they kind of keep in most mistakes during the show too. He said that's what they do on The Daily Show too.
Howard said HBO is getting more and more political with their shows. He asked if he's ever met Bill Maher. John said he has not. He said he's on the west coast. He said he has watched the show but not all the time. He said if he's going to watch something on TV it's not going to be something political. He said he'd rather watch Project Runway or something.
Howard said that he must want to avoid watching shows like that because he doesn't want to be accused of stealing anything. John said that's right. He said that you can be accused of stealing something like a comedian would be.
Howard said he must have a long schedule. John said he's busier than ever. He said he's at work from 9 until about 8. Howard said he has to have an opinion on everything. John said he's still trying to figure out how to do the show. He said they've only done 10 so far. He said he has to do 24 this year. Howard said he must write and write and write. John said it's a full 30 minute show and there is a lot to do. He said they have to put in produced elements and they're trying to figure out the process. He said he's still not sure what the best form of making the show is. He said he has to unlearn some of lessons of the daily grind.
Howard asked who makes the final decision on what gets on the air. John said he is the one. Howard asked if people get upset when he cuts things. John said not so far. He said there's no stable process yet though. He said they don't have a consistent way of doing it.
Howard asked if the wife gives him space to do the show. John said she does. He said she has been in a war zone so she gives it about as much respect as you'd expect her to. John said he can only complain so much to her. He said you can see it in her eye when you complain and she looks at you like ''why don't you shut the fuck up.''
Howard asked if he has any time of his own. John said it's hard. He said The Daily Show was his life so he never had much free time there. Howard said he would imagine that he's constantly working. Howard asked if he has any hobbies. John said he likes sports. He said the World Cup is something he loves so much. He said he's looking forward to the next one which is in 4 years. He said he has 4 years to look forward to that. Howard asked if he kicks the ball around. John said he and his mates kick the ball around. He said he only has basic motor skills. Howard asked if it drives him nuts that he can't use his hands in soccer. John said he never thought about it. Howard said he'd just pick up the ball and throw it at someone.
Howard asked if he starts working alone in the morning. John said he sits there like Nixon making racial epithets waiting for the bits to arrive.
Howard asked what the big story is for this week. John said they start on it today so today is day one for their week.
Howard said the show is called Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. Howard asked how hard it was coming up with the name. John said it was so hard. He said that they came up with a lot of bad ones. He said he can't remember them though. He said he has them written down somewhere. John said it's so hard because it could end up being a pile of shit that they had to sit on for years.
Howard asked if HBO had to know what they were going to call it. John said they did but they really don't care. He said it's hard to tell if they're giving people or if they just don't care. He said either way it's great.
Howard asked if he is worried because of the Piers Morgan thing. John said that he's not really. Howard said he wasn't accepted there in America very well. John said he's not so accepted over in England either.
Howard asked John who he looks at in America and wonders why people worship them. John said he really doesn't care about that. He said what worries him more is about what's not covered in the news on cable news. He said that in the first week of their show they did a story about the Indian election where they have 850 million voters. He said there has never been a bigger election than that. He said that's how many voters they have. He said democracy has never been bigger. John said that they had a law about how close everyone had to be to a polling station. He said they were building them on the sides of mountains for people.
John said they were looking for how much coverage there was in America and there was nothing. He said he thinks Americans would be amazed by it but no one covered it.
Howard asked if he watches Fox News and all of that. John said he used to watch it more when he was at The Daily Show. He said he's not watching it so much now. He said that they tend not to watch too much of it now. Howard asked how you find humor in the Indian election. John said they have news coverage that's just insane. He said that they had hundreds of candidates but it came down to two. Howard said just like over here. Howard said he doesn't know who would want to run India. John said they are a massive emerging country. He said it seems kind of overwhelming for most humans. He said the sanitation thing is what one guy was running on. He said people are shitting in the streets over there. He said Gandhi lost and it was a huge political upset. He said the guy who won was a guy who sold tea on the railway.
Howard said that John is showing the stories that they don't get in the media. John said that it's interesting stuff. Howard said he's making it interesting. Howard asked if he was rooting for the guy who won or not. John said that it's hard because there was a lot of controversy over this guy who won, Narendra Modi. He said that you have to look at that stuff too.
Howard asked John what he's really focused on right now. John said they won't do it this week but there's something interesting about an American Hedge Fund stopping an Argentinean warship from leaving port. John said these guys stopped the ship from moving out of port. Howard said the corporations are more powerful than the countries. John said this isn't even a corporation. He said it's 100 guys in a hedge fund. John said they won't do it this week because he has to figure out how this whole thing works. He said it seems like the monster appearing over the water for a second and then it's gone again. Howard said John would have been a great journalist. John said he would have been terrible because he'd say ''fuck'' too much.
Howard asked where he saw that story. John said he can't remember. He said it was just a little glimpse of it. He said they did a piece last year on The Daily Show about gun control. He said they went to Australia because they have gun control there. Howard said he thinks that John is leading up to finding out who these douche bags are that stopped an Argentine warship. John said he doesn't understand hedge funds. He said the more he looks at it the less it makes sense. He said it makes no sense at all. He said they'll try to figure it out for the show. Howard said there has to be something wrong with it. John said that he's not sure what happens with the money. He said it's like a card trick. he and Howard were trying to figure it out themselves but it all doesn't make sense.
Howard said he will tune into John's show at some point and see him trying to explain it. Howard said he has to spoon feed them the news. John said that they want to get it right too. He said you have to make sure you're right.
Howard asked if he's ever worried for his life. John said he's not. Howard said he could take on someone and it could get some people upset. Howard asked if he ever backs off a story. John said you can't live in fear. Howard said he wouldn't do a story on the gangs in L.A. John said he would. He said you can get killed anywhere. John said that there's this guy Bassem Youssef who did a show over in Egypt like The Daily Show. He said he has real consequences doing the show there. He said he doesn't have that there in America. Howard asked if he ever gets so frustrated from a story that he just gives up. John said they can move the story back if they want to.
Howard said there must be no better satisfaction teaching the country about the Indian election. John said that they are interested in it and it's just funny that people think they won't be. Howard said he thinks that younger people are tuning to his show for that information. John said that young people get their news from 100 different sources. He said Frontline is still amazing. He said there's still good stuff out there and it's not all a clown car.
Howard said that John has been nominated for an Emmy before on The Daily Show. John said he has for writing. Howard said John is a very buys man. Howard congratulated him and told him to tell his wife he's proud of her. John said she is humblingly amazing. Howard asked when they're going to have a baby. John said he'll see what he can do. Howard asked if he uses contraception. John said he'd like to lay off of that just in case someone from the family is listening. Howard asked if he's pulling out. John said they're not trying to have one now but they would like to some day.
Howard gave John some more plugs and said he was excited to meet him. He said his hunger has been filled. John said that he can never fill that hole. He said they're both cut from the same mould. Howard asked how long the negotiation was with HBO. John said it wasn't long. He said he doesn't have much leverage. Howard asked if he took their first money offer. John said he asked for a little more. He said he wanted the Sunday night thing. He said that it felt good getting that. He said that no one else is doing a show like that on Sunday night. Howard said it becomes his thing. John said that's people falling asleep while watching it.
Howard asked if John is religious. John said he's not. Howard asked if he's atheist. John said he's nothing really. Howard asked who his heroes are. John said he will go with Jon Stewart. Howard asked if he's sure he wants to say that. John said he really is a great man. He said that Richard Pryor was a great comedian. John said he admires Howard too especially after a comment he made earlier about how that Gandhi guy should have changed his name to Gandhi-Gandhi.
Howard asked if he's an American citizen now. John said he has a green card so he should be okay. Howard said he imagines getting a budget for the show must have been hard. John said it was that stuff that was more difficult to get. He said that they have to hire researchers and people like that. John said you need more researchers than seems to make sense to the outside world. Howard wrapped up and said that John can be seen on HBO whose slogan should be ''We just don't care.'' They went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard has proved to everyone about why he's the king of all media. He said the interview with John was riveting and he did a wonderful job with it. Howard thanked the caller for that. Howard said he liked that. Howard said he enjoyed talking to John Olivier. He said he's a funny guy and a bright guy.
Howard took a call from Balls who said that was an excellent interview. He said he's going to give his show a shot. Howard said if you can make the Indian election interesting then it's worth watching. Howard said he likes that John was honest about how he has no idea what hedge funds are about. Howard said he has no idea either. He said his head would explode from that.
Howard said it's time for Robin's news. Fred played her in with a song parody. Robin started her news with a story about Eddie Vedder speaking out against Israel in a mid-concert speech. Robin said he didn't mention either nation by name but he made a reference to ''those who go across borders.'' Robin had some audio of that rant. Robin said there are a lot of people upset about his words. Robin had some examples of other people coming out against the Israelis.
Robin read a story about Casey Kasem still not being buried a month after he died. Howard said he would hate to see him in the ground. He said he wants him around to go on tour. He said they'll stuff him and take him out on tour. Robin said his wife is apparently holding up the burial. Robin said the body has not been claimed even though Kerri gave the body back to Jean after his death. Robin said that Jean didn't go to the service they held for him on June 30th. Howard said he would love to know what Jean has to say about all of that.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who said that he hung up on him earlier. He asked about the Rabbis who don't support Israel and if he thinks they're anti-Semitic. Howard said they are. Howard said he knows many Jews who are anti-Semitic. Hanzi said Howard doesn't even believe the lies he's spewing. Howard said okay and hung up on him. Howard said this guy's opinion is irrelevant. He said he has lived in his parents basement his whole life.
Robin read a story about a stalker who invaded Sandra Bullock's home. Howard has said in the past that she should have better security. Howard said she lives with her son and she made $70 million from the movie Gravity. Howard said she could take $150,000 a year and hire someone to live with her. He said not on top of her but to handle situations like that. Howard asked why not. Robin said there are some details coming out about that encounter. Robin said she came face to face with the man outside her bedroom. Robin said that Bullock got up to lock her door and she saw the man in the hallway wearing dark clothing. Howard said she came close. Robin said the guy started to beg for forgiveness and asked her not to call the police. Robin said they found a bunch of weapons in the guy's home.
Robin read about the filmmakers of a Greg Allman film that have surrendered to police. Robin said she's not sur what's going on there. Robin said someone was killed on the set back in February when a train hit her. Robin said they're named in a wrongful death suit and they've been charged with involuntary manslaughter for the woman's death. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a man dressed in a super hero outfit being caught in Ted Kennedy Jr.'s home. Robin said the man said he was looking for Katy Perry. Howard said there are so many nuts out there and you feel bad for them.
Robin read about how gays, lesbians and bi-sexuals are more likely to be into exercise than heterosexuals. Robin said they're also more likely to smoke cigarettes and drink more than 5 alcoholic beverages a day. Howard said Richard Christy must be gay based on that.
Robin read a story about Justin Bieber and how his deposition videos end up going viral. Robin said he has to do another deposition and he may freak out like he has in the past. Howard said he should just answer yes or no and remain calm. Howard said he always ends up cracking. He said lawyers are trained to get under your skin. He said once you get those instructions you listen to your lawyer. He said this kid is dopey and he can't listen.
Robin read about how the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills will be getting Lisa Rinna on the cast. Howard said he likes that. Howard said he likes those lips. Howard said in his world that is bigger news than Lebron James. Howard said he likes that show very much. Robin said she knew she should bring him that news.
Robin read about how two musicals are closing on Broadway. Rocky is closing in September. Howard said he heard that was good. Robin said no one wanted to hear Rocky sing apparently. Howard said Sylvester Stallone asked him to come see it and when he asked him to come in and promote it he said he was busy.
Robin read about Derek Jeter making his final appearance in an All Star game. Robin said it was a big deal to some people. Robin had some audio of Jeter talking about that game. Howard said he must be coached before the game about what he should say. Robin agreed.
Robin read a story about Bowe Bergdahl and how there are no restrictions on his movement. Howard said he should stay on the down low. Robin had some audio of a Pentagon spokesperson talking about that. Robin said she understands that he still has no desire to speak to his parents. Howard said he gets that. Howard said he saw them and they don't look like people he'd want to speak to. Robin said it was all about them before he was released though.
Robin read about police officers in Jersey City who have gang members after them over a shooting in a store. Robin had some audio of an official talking about that. Robin said a man was shot and killed Sunday morning when he ambushed a rookie officer. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about people calling President Obama out about the problem with ISIS and blaming it on him. Robin had some audio of Rand Paul commenting on that. Robin also had some audio of Lindsay Graham talking about how bills are dying in the house after passing through the senate. Howard said he wished that John Oliver was still there to explain all of that to him.
Robin read a story about a former punter who is accusing some people of making anti-gay remarks to him. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton being on The Daily Show last night. Robin said they were asking her of she was going to run for office. Robin said Jon Stewart did his best trying to get an answer in a round about way. Robin had some audio of that interview.
Howard played a clip of a This Date in Howard Stern History. He played the clip and it was Joel McHale introducing the segment where Robin found out she was a G-cup. They had a clip of Robin talking about it that day she revealed the news. Howard played some Nicole Bass laughing clips and then a clip of her singing. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.
Robin asked what the hammer of Thor is called. Howard said he's trying to remember. Robin said Howard always knows these answers. Robin said it's like Mjolnir. Robin said the hammer is going to be wielded by a woman. Howard said he heard that they were talking about that on The View. Howard said if you have possession of the hammer then you're Thor. He said it's not just one person. He said it's the hammer that chooses you. He said it's kind of like the Green Lantern. Howard said he thinks men buy comic books and they're not going to identify with the hero if it's a woman. Howard said he thinks Thor is a man and that's a risky business move. Robin said it has been a man since 1962. Robin said that people know who this woman is but they won't reveal who she is right away. Robin said the current Thor isn't worthy of the hammer anymore so they've taken it away from him.
Howard brought up JD's girlfriend and Robin said she hopes they get to meet her before they break up. Howard said he hopes so too. Howard said he thinks it's great that JD is in a relationship but they're not used to it. Howard said it seems remarkable. Howard said he thinks they will meet her at some point. Howard said he seems to be coming closer to that moment. Howard said he doesn't want anything to go wrong with that relationship. Robin said everyone else can do it but not JD. Howard said he thinks the girlfriend must get off on hearing them talk about her on the show all day like they did yesterday. Howard said he bets she was talking to him last night about it.
JD told Howard it's more nerve racking than anything. Howard said they finally had something to talk about. He said before they just talked about Ethiopian food. Howard did his impression of JD and goofed on him for a short time. Fred did his impression too. Howard did a bit where he was JD on the phone trying to talk to the girl and mumbling everything. Howard asked JD if that's what it sounded like. JD told him it was exactly like that. JD said they were actually texting.
JD came in so Howard asked if she was excited about being talked about. JD said she heard the show and the Wrap Up Show. Howard said that had to turn her on. JD said he supposes. He tried to say something but just jumbled his words. He said she was fine with it. JD said this all came out when someone did a news story about it. Robin said they hadn't talked about it before. JD said he's dealing with it now rather than later. Howard said this is JD and her against the world. Howard said they're invading their privacy. Fred said they're like Mumble-ina. Howard said it's Bonnie and Slob. Robin said she likes Mumble-ina.
Howard said JD and the girlfriend must be burning for each other. JD said he's going to see her soon. He said it might be this weekend. Howard said they're going to have to avoid the Paparazzi. Howard said there's going to be a lot to discuss this weekend. JD said there isn't much more to reveal this weekend. He said he's not revealing her name. JD said she's going to be Ms. X. Howard said she's actually ''Ms. Y... why is she with you?'' JD said that's a good one.
Howard said this is exciting stuff. He said he should be talking about it. JD said he doesn't want to. Howard asked what they're going to do. JD said they'll figure it out. Howard said that he loves this whole thing. He said he loves the Mumble-ina thing. Howard said JD is as happy as a mongoloid lately. Robin said he really is. Howard did more of his JD impression talking to the girlfriend on the phone. Robin asked if she calls him JD. Howard said they have nicknames but they won't reveal them.
Howard asked JD if they kiss quickly or do they have awkward moments. JD said they kiss. Howard ended up goofing on JD more about the way he answered. Howard said he's actually happy for JD. Howard said now it must be a burden because he has to brush his teeth so much. JD told him to get out of here. JD left after that.
Robin read about how this is the anniversary of the Apollo 11 flight. Robin had some audio of that.
Robin read a story about how people are probably eating too much salt. Robin said that even breakfast cereal can give you too much. Robin said it's hiding. Robin had audio of a woman talking about the cereal thing and spaghetti sauce having a lot of sodium in it too. Howard said the person who looks like he eats a lot of sodium is Benjy.
Robin read about Cameron Diaz being out promoting her movie and her book. Robin said she was on The Tonight Show talking about being fascinated with the science of the aging process. Howard said he'd be worried about that too if he were her. Howard played a clip of her talking and made it sound like he was beating off to her.
Robin read about Weird Al Yankovic coming out with some new parodies. One is to the tune of Blurred Lines and it's called Word Crimes. Robin had a clip of the new song. Howard said it might be time to give it up. Howard said you know there's no naked girl in that video. Howard said it would be great if his wife left him after that and he had to win her back with a new album. They ended the show a short time later. They were done around 10:20am.
Gary said when he watches John on his show there's an innocence to him. He said he hasn't been fucked over yet. He said that Howard asked him if he ever thought that Jon had him fill in for him so he wouldn't get good ratings and John seemed stunned. Gary said he's just not there yet. Jon said that's what you like about him.
Jon said he wants to talk about JD and his girlfriend. He said JD likes the attention but he doesn't like it. He said you can't pick and choose that on the show. Gary said you can't. He said he made the decision to bring her out but they're going to talk about it on the show because he's never really had a girlfriend. He said even when he was dating girls he didn't think of them as girlfriends. He said he thinks JD thinks of this girl as a real girlfriend.
Jon said JD has had a lot of firsts on the show. He had his first drink, first sex, first almost drowning and now this. Jon said JD is very paranoid about revealing who she is. He said he's very paranoid about tipping someone off. Gary said that he would love to play a game where they try to guess who she is at a show party or something.
Benjy asked if JD is really ready to come out in public with this. Gary said that he brought her out with him with friends from the show so he knew it would be talked about on the show. Benjy asked if she's an exclusive relationship. Steve said that's what ''girlfriend'' means. Benjy said that he wasn't sure if they were at that yet. Gary said JD said she was a girlfriend off the air so he doesn't think that he was painted into a corner over it. Gary told Benjy to just wait for JD to come in to ask him. Steve said he's just going to say yes, they are committed. He said he doesn't have to ask JD.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it was a great show today. He said especially the John Oliver interview. He asked if anyone there has been offered a spin off show. Gary said that they have talked about this. He said he got a call from someone on the west Coast who thought he and Artie would make a good morning team. He said he didn't entertain that at all. He said he told Howard about it pretty quickly too.
Jon asked if anyone else has done other shows. Gary said he and Jon have done other shows. He asked Benjy if he's ever done anything. Benjy said he has been asked to look into it but he's not good at pursuing it. Jon said the stuff he did was other topics and other shows and not radio shows. He thanked the caller for the call and let him go.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't believe in coincidences and he's wondering if the Ronnie's sex tips have led to JD getting a girlfriend. Jon said the only hole in his theory is that he's been giving the sex tips for a little while and this woman has been in JD's life for a short while. He said he doesn't think the timing works. Gary said he doesn't either.
Jon said Ronnie might take some credit there anyway though. He said that he has been around JD for a while now and maybe he's rubbed off on him. Ronnie was in the studio and said he did get him out on the road and he did get laid a lot of times. He said that gave him confidence. He said he's tried to find real girlfriend and they always hurt him. Ronnie said he told JD to just keep looking for the right girl and stay away from the girls online. Benjy said that's how he met her though. Ronnie said it was on Facebook and not on a dating site.
Ronnie said this girl seems like a regular chick and it looks like it could be good for JD. He said JD seems a lot happier lately. Steve said no matter what happens JD is getting something he needs under his belt. Gary agreed and so did Jon.
Jon said the caller was thinking that the sex tips led to the girlfriend. Ronnie told him to go away with that. He said that Jon is trying to say it with a straight face and it's not serious. He said the sex tips are just for fun.
Jon brought up how they were talking about eating ass this morning. Gary said he has done it like 2 or 3 times in his life. He said he has become the expert somehow. Gary said he went to a nude beach once and had a fly around his ass and that became a swarm of flies over the years. He said that's what happens on the show with stuff like that. Jon asked Ronnie about eating ass and if he did that as a teenager. Ronnie said he did that as a teen. He said he's big into experimenting with things. He said he likes to find out what girls like.
Benjy asked Ronnie if he had heard of it or did it just happen. Ronnie said you learn about it watching porn movies. Benjy asked what the girl's reaction was the first time. Ronnie said no girl has ever gotten pissed off about it. Ronnie said you work into it and don't just go for it. He said you can tell if a girl is prepared for it.
Ronnie said he doesn't see anything wrong with doing any of this stuff during sex as long as the girl is into it. Benjy asked if there's anything he heard about that he had never heard of and he wanted to try. Ronnie said he isn't into fisting or putting things up his ass or a girl's ass. He said anything natural from the human body is fine. Gary asked what his stance is on golden showers. Ronnie said that's kind of like a girl squirting on you. He said to have her stand over him and do it isn't what he's looking for but he's not going to kick her out if she does. He said he's not into shitting though. He said that pissing in a cup isn't that bad either. He said they did it at Gary's bachelor party.
Jon said Sal is into the pissing thing. Ronnie said he's not into that. Jon asked Ronnie what the craziest thing is that he's done. Ronnie said he has talked about most of it. He didn't have anything that stood out. Ronnie said he has never turned down a girl to do anything. Gary asked if he has ever had a girl cross the line. Ronnie said not really. Jon asked about vomiting. Ronnie said he's not into that stuff.
Benjy asked if he would dress up as a girl. Ronnie said he can't see why not. He said he's not walking around in the street like that. Jon said they saw him on Cougar Town like that. Ronnie said that was on a TV show though. He said it could be fun in the bedroom. Ronnie said if you do things for the girl then they're going to be more willing to do something in return. They went to break a short time later.
Benjy asked if Jon and Gary think they're doing good things. Gary said he does. He said that he has people come up to him and tell them that they keep them entertained for hours a day. He said he is contributing but not saving lives. Gary said he might not make that if he's just a salesman at a company. Gary asked Benjy if he feels that way. Benjy said he had someone tweet to him about the fingering and he said he and his mom were laughing and the mom was in the hospital. Benjy said he thinks of it more as artistic and not so much as helping people.
Jon said that John's wife went right into the army after 9/11 and that's pretty amazing. Benjy said he was doing research for the show back then and he did think about going into the CIA or something.
Gary said he had an interaction with John today that made him like him a lot. He said he wore a Mets cap to the show. He said that he told him that it's too easy to be a Yankees fan and that's why he was a Mets fan. He said he thinks that a lot of people wear Yankee hats and they don't even know how the game works. Gary said there are big fans too but putting on that Yankee cap is just a fashion thing. Benjy said it is for him. He said he's asked about the game all the time.
Jon took a call from Ralph Cirella who said that they haven't talked about this. He asked if anyone has seen the girl yet. Jon said that Steve and Richard have seen her. Ralph asked Steve for a rating. Steve said she's a 7 or 8. JD said she's an 11. Ralph said on a JD scale she must be a 12. Steve said he saw the girl and he wondered who she was as soon as she walked in.
Ralph asked how JD met her. JD said it was on Facebook. He said he followed her but didn't stalk her. JD said he was the one who messaged her first. Jon said he's pretty comfortable doing that. JD said sort of.
Gary asked if you're single and you have Facebook, is that just a way to find a date. Steve said it's more old friends for him. He said that it's family and friends. He said Tinder is for finding girls. JD said he hasn't used it primarily for that but it's the only way he talks to people. He said he has DM'd people on Twitter too but then you go to Facebook to talk longer.
Benjy asked JD if he's tried to talk to a girl in person outside of the show. JD said at a bar or something, not really. He said he goes out to visit his parents and he doesn't go out that much. He said he'll know the people there already.
Jon asked if Ronnie is like his wing man when he's out on the road. JD said he definitely helped. Ralph said he loves how honest JD is about that stuff. JD said something about being left on his own and how you can just forget that.
The guys were asking if he was exclusive with this girl. JD said he doesn't want to fuck anything up with this girl and her job. He said he is in it for just her. JD said that she is too. He said this has been going on a couple of months. Benjy asked if she has anything at his apartment. JD said she does. He said he doesn't have anything at her's.
Ralph asked where he would put her in the scale of JD chicks. JD said he's not going to get into that. Gary asked if he'll bring her in to play a game. JD said he wouldn't like that and he's not sure she would either.
Ralph said he doesn't think JD should keep her that big of a secret. He said when he finally does reveal her it's going to be a big thing. JD said he's seeing that now. He said he has had situations in the past where little details came out. Ralph told him to just move forward and get it over with. JD said anyone there can meet her. Gary said he would like to go out to dinner with them and he'll pay for it. JD said he doesn't mind anyone meeting her in private. He said discussing things in public is what he doesn't want.
Benjy asked if she's similar in her feelings toward this. He asked if her friends know about him. JD said he thinks some of her friends know. JD said he's met some of her friends.
Gary asked if JD had a discussion with the girl about what it might be like for her. JD said it was kind of assumed that if she met up with people that it might be discussed. She was a fan of the show so she understood that.
Benjy asked if she always liked him on the show. JD said he thinks so. Jon said he had to end the JD questioning and go to break.
Jon said he knows he's jumping ahead with this but who is more likely to get married first. Gary said you have to give JD a minute on that. He said that he just got started. Ronnie has been dating or a while now. Ronnie said JD could jump tomorrow for all he knows. Jon asked why he's saying ''jump.'' Ronnie said he's saying jump ahead.
Jon asked Benjy about being experimental like he is. He said he thinks he dabbles in a lot of that kind of thing. Benjy said he has to be more specific. Gary asked him if he has ever had someone ask him to do something he won't do. Benjy said he doesn't like his ass played with. He said that's where he doesn't like going. Gary asked if a girl has ever asked him to do something for her that he refused. Benjy said he's sure he has but nothing comes to mind. Benjy said that Elisa doesn't like to pee on him but if she did it wouldn't be a big deal. He said urination doesn't seem like that big of a deal. Gary said he's with Benjy on that. He said he'd rather have that than vomit on him.
Ronnie said he once had a girl pee in the bed in a hotel. He said it was a lot of urine. He said she was trashed. Shuli asked if it was Ronnie and he just blamed it on her. Ronnie told him that no one asked him for his comments.
Ronnie said he thinks that Benjy likes to dabble. He said that's why all of this came up. Jon said that Benjy is known for doing more crazy things. He said you don't expect it from Scott. Benjy said he just likes touching his girlfriend and you don't have to build up on that. Benjy said the crazy stuff he's done before was situational. Gary said he was still the crazy one though. Benjy said he was just fooling around. He said he didn't have to turn it crazy to get turned on. He said it was just a crazy situation. Gary said he was there and Benjy was driving the craziness.
Benjy asked JD if his girlfriend calls him JD or Jamie. JD said it's mostly JD. He said that was a nice deflection on Benjy's part.
Jon said that maybe Benjy doesn't want to talk about some of that stuff he's done in the past. He said that's fine. Shuli asked how long Benjy has been with her. Benjy said it's been a little over 2 years. Shuli asked how long you deny the past with a woman. Ronnie said ''I don't deny it, bitch.'' JD cracked up over that.
Gary said he used to do things on the show that may have been disrespectful to his wife over. He said he should have kept his mouth shut about some things. Ronnie said he's right about that.
Benjy said he's not denying his past. He said he would rather put his efforts into his relationship instead of damage it. Jon said they all have a checkered past.
Jon asked Shuli what he had in the news headlines. Shuli ran down a couple of things they had coming up today. He said one of the things was Sal roaming the halls asking for more porn back there for ''research.'' Gary said Sal threw out a Blockbuster store's worth of porn. Jon said Sal says he has given up porn but he still has to work. Ronnie said Sal was in the bathroom 25 minutes this morning and he thinks he was probably in there jerking off. Jon said he's not sure about that.
Shuli said they're going to be at the premiere for the movie ''My Man is a Loser'' which Ronnie is in. Ronnie said that he was told they were going to invite everyone there to come to the premiere. Jon asked if he's definitely in the movie. Ronnie said he is in it.
Gary said that Stuttering John was supposed to be in Osmosis Jones and they all got a private screening. He said John had about a line and a half in the whole movie. He said it just flew by. Ronnie said he's told that the part is still in there and it's pretty cool from what he remembers doing. They wrapped up a short time later. They were done around 11:15am.
Jon said they had a core group of producers but they couldn't handle it so they had other people come in to help like Jeremy Lipkin, Paul Gresini and Gregg Karmel.
Jon said they were going to do a roast but they changed their minds on that. He said they knew the Super Bowl was happening so they'd have a lot of people in town. Gary said they were up in the air about if they were going to embrace that or not. Jon said it was right around the time of Howard's birthday so that's where the idea came from.
Gary explained how he went out to see Jimmy Kimmel and he told him they needed someone to host the show. He said Jimmy told him he was in immediately. Gary said he came back to Sirius and told them he had Jimmy. Then they gave him X amount of dollars to do it and they got started. Jon said Jimmy was great throughout the process.
Gary said they made a decision early on to make this like the Kennedy Center Honors. He said they weren't even sure how involved Howard would be in the show. He said he had never given up that kind of control before. Gary said he thinks Howard was ready to concede the show to Jimmy. Jon said it's one thing to agree to host it but he was working with them on guests and ideas on the way things should run. Jon said he was still doing his own show and helping them with that.
Gary said Jimmy got them some birthday IDs and they didn't even get to use them all. Jon said they had Jimmy in place and then Gary had to make things happen. Jon asked Gary about the first person to commit to the show. It was Louis C.K.. Gary said that he wanted to try to get Chris Rock or Jerry Seinfeld to commit first. He said that would help them get other guests. He said Jerry was busy and so was Chris. He said Letterman committed to it. He said he called Louis' people and they gave him a yes. He said not long after that Letterman committed. Gary said he remembers how that had them in business. He said it wasn't some dopey event, it was an event.
Jon said that this was the ticket to get on Super Bowl weekend. Gary said that they were having meetings and talking about the big parties that were going on that weekend. Jon said they ended up getting it done.
Jon said they should talk about the house band. He said they had another idea but they went with Train. Gary said that there was discussion about having the Black Keys do it. They had other things going on though. Gary said that Train is a great band because they're without ego. He said they just told them to tell them what they needed and they'd do it.
Jon said he knew Pat was going to be good. He said during the rehearsals they could see that it was going to work out great. Gary said Jimmy from Train played with Steven Tyler during rehearsal and Ross Zapin thought it was Slash playing from back stage. That's how good he was.
Gary said they have an organization there and they realized they needed more people. He said they had the guys from the Tapes team and the guys they have in there today. Gary said they had meetings every Wednesday with everyone. He said they were getting bigger and bigger. He said the Wednesday before the show they had so many people they had to have it at the venue. He said it was over 100 people. Jon said it got very real when they were at that Hammerstein Ballroom. He said they saw everyone sitting around and they had so much down on paper. He said he was intimidated.
Gary said they were all on headphones that night. He said someone would pull up in their car and someone would let them know they were there. Gary said Howard was very big on making everyone feel good about the night. He said that had to run well. He said they had a whole team meeting the celebrity and they would pass them off to a segment producer.
Jon said that Ian Kelly and Jim McClure were key to the event. He said that they were doing a lot of behind the scenes stuff. Jon said Ian was incredible.
Jon said that the guests were great too. They were asking how they could help. He said Robert Downey Jr. was even telling people to shut up. Gary said everyone checked their ego at the door. He said no one was being a diva that night either. He said everyone wanted to make it the best night they could.
Gary said seeing things on paper is one thing. He said that you see this stuff for months and months and it becomes like wallpaper. He said you see all of these performers who are going to be there and it doesn't sink in until you see them perform.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if anyone wanted to be on the show that they weren't able to fit in for time. Gary said he doesn't think they turned anyone away. He said he thinks that they were just about right. He said he thinks they added one presenter the day of. He said he wasn't sure how he could work anyone else in. Gary said they had a lot of luck that night.
Gary said he has a funny story about Prince. He said they asked him to perform for the show and they got a letter back. He said he's a Jehovah's witness and he doesn't observe birthdays so he won't perform.
Jon said the week of the show they got to the sound check. Jon said almost every artist came to sound check. Gary said the only one who didn't was John Fogerty. He said he had a show to do. He said it was incredible having them all there. Steve said that may have been his favorite moment of the whole thing. He said they had a live show in an empty place and it was amazing.
Gary said they were doing sound check and they had all of these workers building stuff. He said they work there and they were unphased. He said they like it but then Steven Tyler comes out. He said everyone stops doing what they're doing. Then Slash comes out and everyone came out to watch. Gary said they had to stop and watch too. Gary said it was amazing. He said he had to turn his back to see the audience's reaction.
Jon said he has so many memories of the sound check. He said Bon Jovi wasn't there yet. Gregg said this was during the run through. Jon said they were doing that and Train was there. He said they were playing the song and trying to get a feel for how the show was going to go. Gregg said he was segment producing for Jon and he was there to stand in for him. He said he was playing air guitar. He said Pat was singing and Pat handed him the microphone so he just started singing. Jon said he's being humble. He said Gregg did a good job. He said he totally got into it too. Jon said he got into the part and did a great job. Gregg said he didn't even warm up.
Gary said he made Jason a segment producer for Steven Tyler because he knows that he's a big fan. He said he knew he'd get a thrill out of that. Jon said even being with Howard every day you play it cool but it's still a huge deal. He said that you try to play it cool at the birthday show but seeing these people was amazing.
Steve said it was really cool to have all of these things to do. He said they were trading things around like trading cards too.
Jon said they thought it would be great to have the Black Keys there based on what Howard said about them. He said they were into it. Jon said when the Black Keys came out it was great and it just went up from there.
Gary said they had Rob Zombie come out and perform his song live and that was a great thing. Jon said he's glad that the fans enjoyed it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said no one is talking about how great Sarah Silverman looked. Gary said they have talked about how great she looked. Jon said they were going to do a whole segment on that. The caller said that she looked phenomenal.
Paul Gresini said he talked to Sarah in the green room and she had some anxiety. He said she said she couldn't wait for the song to be over so she could smoke a fucking joint.
Jon said that someone said that everyone there was a professional and they'd all be there so don't worry. Gary said that he was told not to be afraid to tell people what to do there. He said they were ready to take direction.
Gary said he went up and told Pat from Train and Steven Tyler how to do something and the director, Joel Gallen, said that's what he should do. Gary said they were giving direction to those guys and it worked out really well.
Steve said he was producing for John Mayer and during the dress rehearsal they were there until 11 at night or so. He said John Mayer did a song twice and Ian came up to him and said he had to tell John to wrap things up so they could get other people up there. Steve said he didn't want to be that guy but he had to. He said he wanted to be his buddy but he had to do this thing.
Gary said with John Mayer he contacted him directly. He said for 2 months they were emailing and fairly often. He said now that the show is over he misses the guy. He said he was fun to talk to. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said the day before the show they had a dress rehearsal. They all showed up at the venue to do that. Jon said they weren't sure how the traffic was going to be that day either. Gary said the rehearsal began around 11. Gary said there was a lot of confusion that day. Jon said Howard was happy with his microphone. He said Robin came over to do the run through with the song parody guys. He said that was a disaster. Jon said he wondered what the hell was going on there. He said that Paul was in charge of that. Paul said for every meeting they had Gary would stop and said that was the one he was most concerned about. Gary said that's because they're not professionals. He said the whole segment petrified him. Jon said Eli had a surprise set up too. He wanted to get Ryan Phillippe to sing with him. Paul said he sat in and sang for him in the run through. He said about 5 minutes before they were about to do the segment on the live show Ryan showed up and said he didn't sing and he wanted to give Robin a lap dance. He said they lucked out that it was a great moment on the show.
Gary said during the dress rehearsal they had Ian there and he wasn't worried at all. Gary said the whole thing was a disaster as they were running through it. He said Ian brought him upstairs and told him it was a fucking disaster. He said they had to just calm down and get it together.
Gary said they finished the run through and Howard was in his dressing room and shockingly calm. He said that he was just sitting in there eating and staying calm. Gary said he told Howard it wasn't going to run like clockwork and Howard was fine with that. He told him not to worry about it.
Jon said he remembers things not working as they were doing the run through. He said things weren't clicking. He said then Gary left and there were like 6 or 7 of them there. They had to go through things one last time to make sure they had their ducks in a row.
Will said Jon took the reins on that. He said once they went live things couldn't have gone better. Steve said he's glad he didn't hear Ian said they were fucked. He said that would have messed with his head.
Gary said he wants to jump ahead now. He said traffic was insane that week. He said they were worried it was going to snow because this was in January. Gary said they got the word that the limos they hired were a mess. He said he was told they had to move the start time to 6:30. Gary said that wasn't an option. He said they had people who had places to be. Gary said Ian told him they were going to start at 10 after 6 and he told Ian that they were starting at 6 and that was that. He said Ian just contacted who ever it was and they went with it.
Gary said they were having guests show up and he was worried that someone wasn't going to show up. He said that never happened. He said that was their luck. Everyone showed up and showed up on time.
Jon said that everyone was where they were supposed to be. Jon said as it was about to start they looked out at the tables and saw them sitting there. He said they all wanted to be there for Howard.
Gary said he went to talk to his wife at one point and he ran into Morgan Spurlock. He said there were people you didn't even know were there.
Gary said Governor Christie introduced Bon Jovi. He said that the governor started to meander around. He said he got in his headset that he was roaming around. Gary said he asked if he wanted to sit. He said Christie wanted to watch the performance so he just stood there. Jon said he was just there to enjoy the performance.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks back to that night and he was nervous for them. He said there were three things that happened like Rob missing his cue and George Takei calling him Rob Zodiac. He asked Gary when he relaxed that night. Gary said he was back stage and missed the two things he's talking about. He said most of the people thought George was making a joke when he said Zodiac. Jon said George came out and everyone screamed. Jon said they were all shocked because they had a prompter there for him.
Gary said the show started and then they introduced Johnny Knoxville. He said they had a problem so they had to hold Jimmy up for a minute. What happened was there was a busted amp that they had to fix. He said Knoxville called him later and said he was on time. Gary said he was proud of how easily they recovered from that. Jon said Knoxville took the hit for that but it was the amp and not him being late.
Gary said he knew once they got Letterman on they were set for like 20 minutes. He said the rest of the show was going to be okay after that. Gary said he ordered a scotch after that.
Jon said Jimmy got everyone drinking including Howard and Robin. Jon said in between the breaks they were getting everyone loaded. He said Howard got loaded. Will said he usually doesn't drink. He said he's not sure when Howard did a shot of vodka last. He said he had to stop because he had a show to run. He said eventually Howard just had fun with it. He said at the end of the night he thinks he was glad that Jimmy forced the issue.
Gary said they went to Vegas and did a drinking show that wasn't supposed to be a drinking show. He said Jason had to take over the show because he was so plastered. They went to break after that.
Jon said that Lena Dunham came out and did her thing which led into the Sarah Silverman and Natalie Maines song. Gary said they trusted people to do their thing up on stage. Gary said Whoopi Goldberg wanted to come out and speak from the heart and she did that and did a great job.
Jon said Rosie killed at the dress rehearsal. He said he felt like it was going to be one of those moments. Jeremy said he got to work with Dave Grohl's people and some others and they were all so cool.
Gary said they had Steven Tyler to do the finale on the show. He said they had Slash there too. Gary said the asked Dave to play drums on the finale. He said they couldn't get an answer. He said they weren't even sure the day of. Gary said Dave was one of the people who looked like he was really having fun. He said he came to him around 8 at night and said he was playing drums with Tyler, right. Gary said he really didn't know until 90 minutes before.
Jon asked Paul what his memorable moments were. Paul said he met Robert Downey Jr. who he was segment producing for. He said it was great dealing with him and the woman he came with. He said he had no ego and he was just so cool. He said what he said about Howard was great too. He said he was just gushing over Howard. He thought that was very special.
Jon said he loved Downey in the audience too. He said he told people that they were there for that guy and pointed at Howard.
Jon asked Steve what stands out to him. Steve said he loved the Black Keys. He said he loved seeing Lena, Sarah and Natalie Maines crush too. He said it's great to see women who are into the show too. Steve said there were so many great performances that night. Steve said for him the best part of the whole show was the bonding experience for everybody. He said it was for the guys there in the studio now and everyone at Sirius. He said they were all just hugging and jumping up and down. He said it was really special. Steve said it felt like a team.
Jon asked Gregg what his favorite moment was. Gregg said he was the floating guy there and he ended up picking up things to produce. He said he got Fallon and Cranston. He said they were things that he got traded like trading cards. Gregg said that things were kind of chaotic at the show and they were in the middle of all of these huge things. He said he wasn't able to contact their people as often as some of the other guests. He said they just came in and nailed it in the rehearsal. He said to watch Cranston come out and do the impression of JD was great. He said Fallon does so many great impressions too. He said he didn't know it was going to go so well until it happened.
Gary said they have to talk about the after party too. He said there were people there who weren't at the birthday party. He said he saw Chris Rock there. He said Joel McHale was there too. Dave Grohl was leading the bar to a verse of Happy Birthday. He said Ross Zapin has known Dave for a long time and he was there too. He said that everyone said they wanted to be there because they love Howard.
Will said the highlight for him was Jimmy Kimmel doing what he did. He said he came out and relaxed and just had a great balance of having fun and killing it. He said Tan Mom was great too. He said that was the stuff that he loves as a Stern Fan.
Jon said he was back stage working on something and Seth Meyers walked up. He said he asked him if he should keep some jokes in. He said Seth Meyers was asking him if he should keep jokes in. He said that was a bizarre moment for him. Jon said he also got to do the video greetings. He said Jimmy did the thing with Kathie Lee video. He said he was really excited about that. He said they were trying to get her there live but she was off on vacation. He said she did the video greeting and they bleep out that curse. He said he wondered if people would get a kick out of it. He said it turned out to be a great way to cap the show.
Jon said they had a lot of great video greetings too. Gary said after they did the greetings they had the Neil Young greeting and he was making coffee in the video. He loved the joke Jimmy had about that.
Jon said he had a caller who wanted to ask what Richard and Sal's jobs were. Gary said they were wrangling the Wack Pack. Gary said they had to make sure they were all mic'd and all of that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves the live wrap up shows. He said the birthday bash is great and he'd love to see pop up notes about some of the things that were going on there. Gary said he thinks they have a special in the works. Gregg said they're doing an audio director's cut of the Birthday Bash.
Jon said he thinks that everyone killed it that night. He said Jewel looked incredible. Jon said that Maria Menounos looked fantastic too. He said she interviewed Howard during the show and that was tough.
Steve said they should thank the news team too because they were doing stuff before the show and during the show. He said everyone was in on this event.
Gary said he was on the red carpet and all he could hear was High Pitch Eric yelling at him asking when he could be on the show.
Jon said this was months ago and he sees the video now and he asks himself ''We did this!?'' Gary said this was a radio show and a live production for a live audience.
Jon asked if they're ready to do it again. Gary said he has an idea to do another show that could be funny. He said it would involve the Wack Pack and celebrities. He said he has to figure out when they can do it and pull it off. Jon wrapped up the show after that. They were done around 11:10am.