|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Robert Downey Jr. Visits. 11/11/05. 8:00am
Howard said that Robert Downey Jr. Has been on the show but not in quite some time. He said he would have liked to have had him on when he was in jail but that never happened. Howard and Robin talked about how he's a ''real actor'' while someone like The Rock really isn't. Howard told Robert that he's really a great actor, not just a good actor, a great one. He said that he must see someone like The Rock and get irritated by that. Robert said he likes to see bad movies and bad acting but he wasn't saying that The Rock is a bad actor.
Howard asked Robert if he's miserable now that he can't smoke pot and use drugs like he used to. Robert changed subjects and said that he had a bad experience with the security guy downstairs at the building Howard works in. Howard thought it was Ronnie the Limo Driver but Robert said it wasn't him. Howard asked Robert about this one time he ran down the street in a Wonder Woman outfit or something. Robert said it didn't quite happen that way but didn't give all of the details.
Howard asked Robert about his use of black tar heroin and Robert said that wasn't true either. Howard said if he were him and had to deal with kids all day long, he'd probably do the same thing. Robert corrected him and said he only had one kid, not ''kids.'' Howard asked him how he was able to score his drugs and if he thinks drugs should be legalized. Howard said he thinks they should. Robert said that some of the stuff is super dangerous and maybe they shouldn't legalize it.
Howard talked about how he defended Robert and said that he shouldn't have been jailed for his drug abuse. If he wanted to get himself clean, he could have gone to rehab on his own. Gary came in and said he had the news story about Robert and how the cops were called to his room that day. Howard wondered who would have ratted out Robert back then. Robert said it doesn't matter who ratted him out because that's what people are supposed to do when they see someone in trouble like that.
Howard told Robert that he always stays within the law the best he can because he doesn't think he'd last a day in jail. Robert said you don't have to do anything wrong to go to jail though and people can set you up. Howard asked Robert how bad it was in jail and if it was his worst nightmare ever. Robert said it was pretty tough but they kept him away from the really hard core prisons. Howard asked him if he had to fight anyone while he was there. Robert said he did and he actually won. Howard begged not to be sent to prison... ever, when he heard that.
Robert tried to get Howard to talk about the movie he was there to promote. Howard said he was fascinated by the whole jail thing though and told him he'd get to the movie later. He asked him more about the jail time and the fight he had. Robert said that he had to fight a guy for phone time and the guy was about his size but he had done maybe 3 million push-ups. Howard promised Robert that he would get to his movie but he thought this stuff was fascinating. Robert told Howard how he had to go in and just start fighting without giving him warning. He said that he initiated the fight himself and had to do that to get his phone time. Robert said there were guys there who told him he had to take care of the guy who had dissed him or they wouldn't respect him and they'd beat the crap out of him instead.
Robert told Howard that he was in jail for 16 months. Artie said he was in L.A. County Jail for 5 days when he was arrested. He said he was ready to get out of there after the 5 days. Robert said that 5 days in there is pretty tough. He kind of goofed on Artie about how he was locked down for almost 120 hours. Howard asked Robert if he was embarrassed to let other guys see his wiener. Robert said that wasn't really on his mind at the time. Howard wondered if he was able to read books and stuff while he was in there. He said his time could be used pretty well for stuff like that but he wouldn't wish it upon his worst enemy. Howard told Robert that their friend Cabbie was in prison and has 9 more months left in there.
Howard got to the movie that Robert was there to promote. He asked him what it was like working with Val Kilmer since he had to kiss him in the movie. Robert said he was great to work with and he wasn't a kook like Howard thought he was. He said he just has that reputation. Howard thought he was kind of annoying Robert by asking him so much about the jail time stuff. Robert said he wasn't annoyed but it would have been nice if everyone had watched the movie since they did send it over for them. He said they could have talked about other things if they had seen the movie.
Howard said he's met Robert's wife and she's very beautiful. He asked him if he's getting laid a lot but he was looking kind of bummed out. Robert said that he is kind of bummed out because Howard hadn't seen the movie ''Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang'' which he was there to plug. Robin tried to talk to him about one of his movies but Howard said that they're not the right ones to talk about movies. Howard wanted to talk to him about sleeping with Sarah Jessica Parker instead. Robert told him that they were together when they were kids so it was a long time ago. He said she was pretty good back then. Howard told Robert that he really should write a book about all of this stuff.
Robert brought up Kelly LeBrock and told Howard that she may have been attracted to Sarah but he claims he just told Howard that to get a reaction out of him. Howard gave him another plug for his movie and said he was very glad that he came in today. Robert gave the guys a run down about what the movie was about since they hadn't seen it. He wasn't exactly ''selling it'' the way he was describing it though. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later and told him to come back and see them sometime soon, not in another 20 years. He gave him another plug for the movie and went to break a short time later.
Daniel The Rapist Calls In. 1/11/00. 8:55am
This 43 year old guy Dan called in this morning to discuss his life of rape. He claims that he's raped over 100 women and has never been caught doing it. He was arrested for a failed rape attempt but never for rape. He described to Howard about one of his first rapes and said that it was just a snap decision that came over him at the time. He said that he'd fantasized about rape for a while before actually doing it though. This all happened when he was still only 17 or so. He says that since then he's raped over 100 women. Now he's not afraid of talking about them because the statute of limitations has passed since he last raped a woman about 9 years ago. He says that when he was arrested for aggravated assault back in 1991 or so he voluntarily went into a program to help him stop raping. He claims that it worked. Dan said that the sex act during rape may only take 15 to 20 seconds so it doesn't make much difference if the woman screams and yells. Howard asked him if he feels any remorse for the things he's done. Dan said that he does but during the act he can discard any emotions so it doesn't bother him at the time.
Dan spoke like a normal guy and sounded very intelligent. That's one of the things that callers wanted to point out. You can't judge someone by the way he sounds. Howard took many calls during this guy's interview. Most people felt that he should either be killed or kill himself. There was also a reporter from Peoria, Illinois who has written some articles about Dan. He told Howard his side of the story and said that Dan makes it seem like he's a victim because his name has been mentioned in the paper. The reporter said that Dan is the one who is ''no good'' and he gets off on all of the attention. Dan claims that he's been shot at and threatened by people since being reported in the paper.
Howard wondered how Dan can live with so many people being against him. Dan claims that he got an inheritance from an aunt and now has his own business building aquariums. He also said that he doesn't crave any type of companionship at all from either sex. He still has thoughts of rape but claims that he doesn't act on them. By the end of the interview Howard was wishing horrible things to happen to Dan for the things he's done but also thanked him for agreeing to the interview. Howard claimed that he wanted to let people know what's in the mind of a rapist. He told everyone that if they know any women they should listen to this nut so they know how normal a freak can sound. Dan kept saying that he has a web site with his story on it but he never did get the plug in for it.
Dr. Stern - Tim Allen Interview. 05/28/09. 10:30am
After the break Jeff came back and talked about a Tim Allen interview from 1994. This was not in my archives so here's a quick rundown of this segment from October 6, 1994:
Gary came in and told Howard about their ''mystery guest'' who they had coming in. Howard and the guys all had to put on their blindfolds to make sure they didn't know who it was. They all took turns asking questions to try and figure out who he was. They took a few minutes to figure out it was Tim Allen. Fred was the one who came up with the right answer.
Tim talked about Howard's book and how much he liked that. He told Howard he liked the comments he made about his wife not buying him apples when he didn't have time to do it himself and he almost got into an argument with his own wife about the same thing.
Howard said he liked Tim's book and talked about how he stuck with his wife just like he has. Howard asked Tim about working with Pam Anderson and if she ever wanted him. Tim said she didn't.
Howard said that Tim did a great job with his TV show beating Seinfeld and some other big shows. Howard asked if he's nervous about taking on the other shows. Tim said they're nervous all the time.
Howard asked Tim about his drug arrest and use. Tim said he got involved in dealing drugs. He said that's what he got arrested over. He said he was making money doing that in college and he thought things were going really well.
Howard said he did something worse than selling drugs and got into advertising sales. He said he got freaked out about the business and started doing that because he was making $12,000 a year to start.
Tim talked about being in prison for 3 years and how tough that was. Tim said he didn't think he was going to do any time but his lawyer told him he probably would. Tim said he went and did an open mic night before he got sentenced and then he got sent away.
Tim told Howard about how he didn't think anyone would bring up the drug arrest since it happened 20 years ago. He said he didn't think anyone would care. He was wrong of course. Howard said that guy Roc is doing just fine and he killed someone.
Tim said he was able to stay out of trouble in prison by being funny. Howard asked if he was in Detroit. He said he was sent to Minnesota to prison so he and his ''rap partners'' wouldn't be in the same prisons. Howard said he was a DJ in Detroit for a while and he hated it.
Howard asked Tim about not being able to have sex in prison for 3 years. Tim said he had to pleasure himself for that time. Tim said he ended up in a big cell with a bunch of guys for a while. Then he got moved up to his own cell and that was a big deal. He said he called home to let his family know that he had moved up to the cell like it was big news.
Tim talked about how crazy some of the drug arrests are. He said he knew some guys who were in prison for 7 years for having an ounce of pot on them. He said there's another kid who got life for having a bunch of pot. He said he's still in touch with that guy and he's working with him trying to help.
Gary came in and told Howard that Tim's publicist just left because it was time for him to leave. Howard spent a little more time talking to Tim and his wife who had come in the studio. She claimed she had laryngitis but she may have been saying that to get out of talking. They wrapped up a short time later.
Ben The Dog Lover Calls In. 9/30/02. 7:40am
This guy Ben called in to talk to Howard about having sex with dogs. Howard let Ben tell him how he got started having sex with dogs and how he won't even try having sex with real women. He told Howard he enjoys the larger breed dogs and is trying to get one pregnant. He said that scientists will tell you that it's impossible but he thinks that Big Foot is a creation of a human and an animal so it is possible.
Howard let a few people call in and yell at the guy for being a freak. Howard also told Ben that he's a sick pervert. Ben said that it's a natural thing and Howard is actually the pervert. At one point Robin asked him if he lets dogs give him oral sex. Ben told Robin that was a sick question and he'd never let and animal do that to him.
Howard spent a while talking to this guy and let him give out his e-mail address which was AnimalLoverBen@yahoo.com. Howard said he was going to give it out and hope that the authorities will arrest him. Gary came in at the end of the interview and said this is why he loves the show. Five minutes after this interview they had Sir Anthony Hopkins calling in.
Brian From Canada Raped By 3 Black Guys In Jail. 7/31/98. 6:45am
This guy called in with a story about how he got raped by 3 black guys while he was in jail. Brian says that it was the last week in jail for him and these guys that had picked on him for months took advantage of him. Brian was putting away some cleaning products when these guys followed him in to a closet. The closed the door, pulled down his jump suit and raped his ass. He finished his sentence in the jail hospital and never told anyone who did it to him.
In the clip Robin read the story about this guy who was in jail and ended up killing someone while in there. Robin said that this guy should be dead. Robin said that he shouldn't have been allowed to live. Howard said maybe they can put him in with OJ and OJ can take care of him. Robin said this guy was using razors to cut off a man's head.
Stone Temple Pilots Perform Live. 4/5/00. 8:40am
Scott Weiland and the band Stone Temple Pilots are back. Scott is out of drug rehab/jail and they've released a new album ''No. 4''. Scott and the Delio brothers came in to talk with Howard for a few minutes before performing a couple of their classic hits. Scott claims to be completely done with drugs now and says that the band is getting along better than ever. Each time Scott has been on Howard's show he ends up going out and getting arrested the next day on drug charges. Scott says that won't be happening again though.
Scott is engaged to be married to his model girlfriend Mary in May. Howard asked if he was invited but when he heard it was in Los Angeles he said he couldn't make it anyway.
Howard asked Scott about a rumor he heard about him and Courtney Love having sex at one time. Scott said he's never had sex with her but he has seen her naked a few times. Scott came back with a question about Angie Everhart. He said he's heard things about her and Howard. Howard denies everything of course.
Howard asked Scott if he's going to be able to stay away from drugs while he's on tour. Scott said he's fine while he's on tour. It's when they're not busy that he gets into trouble. He did say that he'll have a friend from rehab with him on tour though. Howard told the other guys in the band that they should lock Scott up in a guitar case to keep him safe.
Howard asked Scott how bad it was in jail and if he'd been taken by any of the other inmates. Scott said it was pretty tame in there. He was in a county jail in a treatment-like setting so it wasn't that bad. He even showered with Robert Downey Jr. He told Howard that Downey has some big nuts. There wasn't any sex going on with Scott but he said there was a lot of masturbation and Fifi. Howard and Robin wondered what the hell ''Fifi'' was so Scott had to explain it. He said it was a ''jail house vagina'' made up of a towel a sock and a rubber glove. He explained how you roll up the glove and sock in a towel then fill the glove with lotion. You then have Fifi the jail house vagina. Scott said that he soon found out it was too much work and switched back to using his hand.
After talking to the band for a while he had them get ready to play a couple of songs. He also brought in a woman from his gym who asked to come in and see them. The guys in the band were hoping that Howard would do another Gay Dance Party for them but it didn't happen. The guys first performed their song ''Plush'' which sounded great. After the song Howard told Scott that he was looking really good. He's been working out and his stomach was really flat. Howard said he should look like that with the amount of time he spends at the gym. The band was preparing to do their second song when Howard said Scott was trying on some gas mask or something. He said that he must be back on heroin again or something. They then went on to do their song ''Vasoline'' which also sounded amazing. Howard spoke to them a little more after that song and asked them to perform their new song ''Sour Girl'' but they weren't prepared to do it. Scott said part of the song is acoustic and they weren't ready to do it. Howard asked them to do one more song and they eventually settled on ''Interstate Love Song''. They hadn't really prepared for it but they did another great performance. When they were all done Howard played ''Sour Girl'' off of their new CD.
After taking a commercial break Howard came back and talked about how Robin was kissing the band's ass. Robin said if she had the chance she'd do the whole band. She was fawning all over them. The feedback from the fans was really positive also.
Gary came in and said that DJ Julie Slater ended up crying after seeing Scott Weiland out in the hallway. She came in to tell Howard why that happened. Julie said that they were tears of joy. She said she'd met the band a couple of years ago when they did her show one time and when she went up and introduced herself to him today he remembered her. She then went in her studio and had a good cry. Howard asked her if she touched herself while she was crying.. Julie said ''Yeah, I did that towel thing..'' (Fifi) like Scott did in jail.
Gary The Retard's Girlfriend Calls In. 03/30/06. 6:30am
Howard had Gary the Retard's girlfriend Jennifer on the phone. He had her put Gary on the phone to talk to him quickly. Gary got on the line and said that he started dating her before she went to prison. He claims she doesn't take any of his money, she's of normal intelligence yet she has sex with him. Gary said ''yep'' to every question that Howard was asking. Artie started goofing on him and got him all riled up. Gary told him to shut up and treat his girlfriend right.
Jennifer got back on the line and told Howard that she met Gary at the mall near where he lives. She said she got to know him better and she fell for him. She said she's a little plump at 160 pounds and she's 5'7'' tall. She said she wants to lose some weight. The reason she went to prison is that she wrote a bad check. She said that she learned her lesson on that though. Jennifer said she has changed her life and she's getting away from the drugs and alcohol.
Howard asked Jennifer what she talks to Gary about. She said he's actually gotten a lot better than he used to be and he actually says some very intelligent things. Artie started cracking up when he heard that. She told Howard that he uses some words when he's talking that are very smart and it surprises her. Jennifer said that they were out one time and some people came up to him asking for autographs. She said that she used to think that she'd be embarrassed to be around him but she quickly found that she wasn't embarrassed.
Jennifer claims that she's been having sex with Gary for a couple of years now. Howard sounded kind of surprised by that. She said that he kind of grows on you over time. Howard asked her how it all started. She said that she would stay with him at his place once in a while and she'd stay there for days at a time. When she got to know him better, things started to happen. She would make Gary brush his teeth and things like that. She said that his apartment is actually very clean and he's been very good at brushing his teeth and using ''mouthwarsh.''
Howard asked her about the first time they had sex and if Gary knew where to put it when he was doing her. She said that he watches some porn so he knows where to put it from watching that. She said that he's gotten better at doing it but he doesn't last all that long with her. She said she's never had an orgasm with him. She said that she has some toys of her own that she uses when they're doing things. She said that she doesn't give him oral.
Howard had Gary get back on the phone and asked him why she doesn't give him oral. Gary didn't know what he was talking about. Gary was asking Jennifer why she won't do that. He was also telling her to do it right then so Howard could hear it. Gary was telling Jennifer that he wants her to do it right now. Howard was telling Gary what to say and had him telling her that he had washed his balls and asshole last night. Gary then said that he wants to be treated like a man, not like a retard.
Artie got Gary going again when he told him that he's a retard. Howard had Gary saying that he wanted her to swallow his ''retarded load.'' He then had him put her back on the phone. Howard asked Jennifer to give him oral so they could listen. She agreed and put Gary back on the phone but then she as pretending to do it so it sounded like she was going to do something. Howard got her back on the line and asked her if she's setting something up with Gary. She claims she's not. Artie said that it sounds like Gary is going to get fucked, but not physically.
Howard was still wondering if she's pulling some kind of scam on Gary. Richard Christy came in and said that he wonders how they could think something like that because he only makes like 5 bucks an hour at the burger place he works at. Howard wanted to hear the two of them making out but Artie said he doesn't want to hear that. Jennifer got Gary to come over and had him making out with her. The noises that were coming out of them weren't sexy at all though. Someone said it sounded like Gary eating a Twinkie.
Howard asked her if she's going to dump Gary if she finds a normal guy. She's not planning on doing that and she said that she might even marry him if he wants. She's got two kids of her own but her aunt and uncle have custody of them because of all of the crap she was involved with before.
Artie was asking Jennifer what she tells her friends when she's talking about Gary going to get a job at a sex booth place and then gets turned down. She didn't really have anything to say about that. She said that he does have some other prospects for jobs. Howard thanked Jennifer for calling in and asked her if she wanted to have sex with him on the air. She said she would wait to do that for some other time.
Howard found out that Gary had a care taker until just recently. The woman that was taking care of him just quit but now he's got a new one. She said that Gary makes most of his money from doing comedy shows. Howard took a call from a guy who wondered what was going on with them talking to a woman who was dating a retard. Howard thinks that it's very interesting, that's why they're talking to her. One guys said he was ready to throw up after listening to this. Howard wrapped up with her and went to break after that.
Michael Pardue Update. 6/11/01. 7:20am
Howard has spoken to this woman Becky Pardue a couple of times in the past about her husband Michael who was accused of a triple murder and sent to prison. He was later found innocent but he'd tried to escape 3 times so he was sentenced to life without parole for those escapes. He somehow managed to get around that ''Three Strikes'' law and now he's finally out of prison 28 years later! Howard spoke to him about that whole mess and about how he and Becky met through letter writing. Today they said they're sitting in bed naked and they've been having fun for months now since Michael got out of prison. You can find out more and help Michael out by visiting his web site MichaelPardue.com
Suge Knight Comes In. 1/16/02. 7:30am
Rap mogul Suge Knight came in this morning to talk to Howard. He was a little late coming into the studio because he had to shave his head first. As soon as he came in Howard asked Suge about how Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg and Sean ''P.Diddy'' Combs all dissed him. Suge told Howard how he put up money for Snoop Dogg to fight his legal battles and he repaid him by acting like a ''bitch.'' Suge went to prison too and he's now out on parole. He told Howard he's not going to kill any of these other rappers because it's more painful for them to be around every day.
Suge also spoke about a bunch of other rappers and how about 95% of them are gay and don't know it. He claimed that Dr. Dre claimed to be bi-sexual in a meeting he had with him one time. Howard said that we don't know if that's true or not though.
Suge spent a little time telling Howard about his time in prison. He said there are some things that you just don't talk about as far as fights and stuff like that. Howard moved on to talk to Suge about the time he hung Vanilla Ice out a window by his ankles. Howard wondered what inspired him to do something like that. Suge didn't really give an answer though. He got back to his prison stay and told Howard about how he was able to cook his own meals because he had enough money to buy his own stuff. He was also able to lose weight and clear his mind while he was there.
Howard wondered what Suge had against Snoop because he seems like such a nice guy. Suge told Howard that he was a nice kid and his record company reinvented him. He also disrespected Suge and that's why he doesn't get along with him now. Howard also asked Suge about who killed Tupac. Suge wasn't talking though. He told Howard that he'd be considered a snitch if he knew who killed him and told someone about it. So he's keeping his mouth shut.
Suge has a new record company called The Row and he says he won't be beating up people like he may have done in the past as the head of Death Row Records. He plugged a bunch of the groups he has under the new label and said they have a web site at TheRow.com.
Suge spent a short time talking about how J-Lo made P. Diddy look like a bitch when she dumped him and went off with a dancer. Suge said that would never happen to him because he knows how to please a woman in every way. He also told Howard he's seen this J-Lo sex tape. He said that compared to J-Lo's sex tape the Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee tape is rated PG. Howard tried to find out if Suge has ever banged a famous chick but Suge wouldn't talk. Suge told Howard he respects women and wouldn't talk about it on the radio.
Howard took a few phone calls for Suge and wrapped up the interview a short time later.
In the clip we heard Howard taking a call from Eric Douglas, Michael Douglas' brother. Howard talked to Eric about what's going on with him being in jail. Howard said his father must be pissed. Eric said he's really not. Eric told Howard about what it was like there in jail and what kind of people he was in there with.
Howard said that Eric has a chip on his shoulder and he's not sure that's good for him. Eric said he thinks he has a right to have a chip on his shoulder. He told Howard how his brother would call him to help him out with problems.
Howard said he thinks he's mad at his dad and he should just give up acting at this point. He said he should be his father's care giver and that's it.
Howard said he heard that he's still seeing the girl they set him up with on a dial-a-date. Eric said that is true. Gary said that he never went on that dial-a-date. He called the show about a year later and asked for the girl's number and they started seeing each other after that. Eric said she's great. He said she's great in bed too.
Howard said he heard that Kurt Russell was listening to the show the other day but he never calls in. Howard said people like that should call in because it makes the show better. Eric said Kurt was the one who told his brother that he was on the show.
Howard asked Eric why his brother never helps him out. Eric said he wonders the same thing. Howard said you'd think that he would help since he is a producer. Howard said he would help Eric out more than his own brother would.
Howard asked Eric if his family gives him any money. Eric said they don't and he wondered why Howard keeps asking him that. Howard said he's not sure why his brother doesn't just give him 3 million and tell him to go live his life. Eric said he would never do that. He said his brother wanted him to get involved in real estate in Aspen.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Eric about his family and how they could help. Howard said he thinks that they should just give him 3 million and tell him not to waste it on any crazy projects or anything. Howard let him go a short time later.
Various Audio Clips And Bits. 05/16/06. 7:50am
Howard played some audio from a prison documentary, from HBO, where a prisoner was talking about getting his salad tossed. The guy said that it's not gay because they just pretend that it's a woman's pussy. Howard said that's why he pays his taxes and doesn't want to go to jail. In another clip a guy talks about how there are husbands and wives in prison and the guys all take care of each other as if they were husband's and wives. Another guy talked about how he stabbed a guy while giving him oral sex in a closet. He said the other guy couldn't explain it because he had a fag sucking his dick in the closet.
Howard played another audio clip where a prisoner talked about making meth at his house. He claimed that he could make $9 million worth of the stuff with a couple of 55 gallon drums. In another clip a guy talked about banging a woman and how she wanted more from him so he called out to a buffalo asking the buffalo to help him out. Howard said that some of these guys would be good on radio and he's thinking about putting people like this on his channel.
Howard played a clip of a guy talking about making money in prison selling drugs. He said that people will bring the stuff in by shoving it up their ass. Howard said that the ass seems to be everything in prison.
Robin said that Wesley Snipes is due to go to jail on the 9th. She said that he was on Larry King last night talking about that. Howard said he's curious to know what he had to say. Robin told Howard some of the stuff he was telling Larry about how he was singled out and things like that. Robin had some audio from the show that she had Howard play.
Today's Brush With the Law was over around 10:35am. Jon Hein hosted a live Wrap Up Show after the special. I will not be writing up the live Wrap Up Shows this week.
In the clip Gary told Howard he had the guy on the phone that calls himself ''The Pope.'' Howard said he has a special 800 number where you can buy pot. Howard got the Pope on the phone and said he knows he doesn't want his number out on the air. Howard said he doesn't want to encourage any illegal pot use.
Gary said he got a lot of phone calls from people who wanted the 800 number. Howard asked what an ounce of pot goes for. The guy said it's $200 minimum. Howard said that's inflation. He said it used to be $45. Pope said he remembers when it was 20 bucks. Jackie said that's actually a good price. He said you're lucky if you can get it for that. He said it's really hard to find. Howard asked if he beats anyone. Pope said absolutely not. He said it's a church. If you can't trust the church then who can you trust?
Howard said they never bust anyone for pot. Pope said they sure do. He said that he's been in jail. Robin asked if he partakes in the pot smoking. Pope said he does every day. Howard asked if he makes a lot of money doing this. Pope said he's doing alright. He said he has a home in Jersey and one in New York. He said that he has another one somewhere too. Howard said it sounds like he's doing great. Howard asked how old he is. He said he's 47. he's had the 800 number for about 6 months. Howard said he sees this going badly for him. He said he can imagine that number going away.
Howard asked why he doesn't have a number that's like 800-ARREST ME. Pope said he doesn't need that. Robin asked if he has a lot of lawyers. He said he has the best. Pope said they're a bunch of assholes. Howard asked him to watch his language.
Howard asked Pope how much he can make doing this. Pope said it's millions and he hopes that it's billions. The Pope said that pot helps with glaucoma and other things. Robin said they should invest in some research. Pope said they do that in their own little way.
Howard asked if he can get girls. Pope said he's gay. Howard asked him some questions about that and found out he swallows.
Howard asked Pope how he gets his pot if it's hard to get a hold of. Pope said he knows people. Howard said that he is still available if anyone is looking for a date. Howard said he has this pot number that he doesn't seem to get arrested for. Howard asked if all of the priests in his church are gay. Pope said of course they're not.
Robin asked if he does anything else. Pope said he's pope so he doesn't need to. Howard asked if he does other drugs. Pope said he does everything. Howard asked if he has tried crack. Pope said he has. Howard said he was referring to the opposite sex. Pope said that girls are nice too.
Howard asked if he has met anyone else from the church. Pope said he serves people from the church. He said that they're a bunch of hypocritical bastards. Howard asked if he would ever reveal who they are. Pope said he doesn't think he would do that. Howard said maybe that's why the cops don't go after his 800 number. Pope said they have come after him in the past.
Howard said it must be hard to find sexual partners with this AIDS thing going on. He said Robin can't find any and neither can he.
Howard asked the Pope if he has ever seen Mayor Koch with a roach or anything. Pope said that he's an asshole. Howard asked him to watch his language again and let him go a short time later.
Howard said he saw this number in the paper and he called him out of curiosity to find out what he was doing. Howard said the guy is getting away with it. Howard said he's a regular Columbo. Howard said they found out that he hasn't had any problems with having that number. Robin said talking to him was like a throwback to the 70s. Howard said he has a 45 minute delivery guarantee. Howard said he didn't know he was gay either. He said that was an extra bonus. Jackie said the cops are afraid to go near him. Howard said he sounded kind of creepy. He said he'd be afraid of the guy chopping his weenie off. Howard said he can't condone the use of that number. They wrapped up after that.
Abe Hirschfeld Calls In From Jail. 8/14/01. 9:40am
This old guy Abe Hirschfeld was found guilty in the murder of his partner and he was sent to jail for it. Abe called in this morning to make a statement that no one understood. Gilbert Gottfried was laughing hysterically from the moment he heard Hirschfeld's accent and voice. Gilbert ended up asking Mr. Hirschfeld a couple of questions as Dracula Gottfried that were hilarious. He asked Hirschfeld if it was hard to be in prison with all of the ''schvartzas.'' Hirschfeld, who may or may not have understood the question, just said ''Yes'' to Dracula Gottfried. Howard let Hirschfeld plead his case for a few minutes until his phone privileges were cut off about 5 minutes in. Gilbert was trying to ask one last question as Dracula Gottfried but the phone cut off just as he was going to ask it. Howard said he felt like he was in an insane asylum during the whole interview.
Gilbert Gottfried and Richard Jeni hung out and livened up Robin's news segment with their impressions which included Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon, Jimmy Stewart, Kelsey Grammer, Camille Grammer (with her Irritable Bowel Syndrome farts) and a few others. The two of them actually worked together very well.
In the clip Robin read a story about James Brown being arrested and had some audio of Brown commenting. He was very hard to understand so Howard said he had to replay that and try to translate it. Howard said he's upset but you don't know why. Howard played the clip again and asked if they can get a black guy on the phone to interpret. Howard said there are people out there who do understand this.
Howard replayed the clip a couple more times and said that's the Godfather of Soul. Howard said he has a couple more to play too. Howard played another one that was a little easier to understand. Howard said he thinks he understood that one. He said he doesn't want to put words in his mouth though. Robin said she thinks he said that he used to say he was home in America like Bruce Springsteen says and that he's not really home, he's just living there. Howard replayed the clip and said that she's right.
Howard played another clip and tried to figure out what James Brown was saying. He was still having trouble figuring it out. Howard said Chris from Promotions would know. Howard asked if he's there. Chris came in so Howard asked if he's still behind OJ. Chris said he's with him but he thinks he had something to do with it. Howard said that's new. Chris said he has said that before. Howard spent a minute asking Chris what he thought Brown was saying. It wasn't much help but Howard thanked him for giving it a try.
In the clip Howard said that this guy Greg Gordon wanted to kill President Reagan. Howard asked the guy how he's not in jail. Greg said that you can get away with it. He was actually able to scale the wall at Reagan's house and get close to the guy.
Howard read some of the things that Greg claims and how he thinks that everything is 666. Greg said that he's been in a mental hospital 25 times. Howard said that a lot of this stuff is ridiculous. Greg said it's really not.
Greg told Howard that his brother had sex with him when he was about 2 years old. He said that he's gay now. He said he's comfortable with that too. Howard said if your brother has sex with you when you're 2 you're bound to be gay.
Robin asked if Greg is on any medication. Greg said he is. He told them what he's on and how they give you a shot every 2 weeks. Gary said that Greg used to be a Mark and Brian listener. Greg said it was actually Kevin and Bean. Greg said that Howard is Howard so he had to come over to the show.
Howard asked Greg a few more questions and then let Greg go. He said that he's running for president himself. Howard said that Greg still believes that Ronald Reagan is the antichrist.
Gary came in and told Howard he has a mentally ill guy on the phone and he says that Greg is giving mentally ill people a bad name. Howard had Greg back on the phone and he was crying talking about that. Howard picked up on the other guy too and asked what his delusion is. The guy said he didn't want to get into that. The guy said he's over it now so he didn't want to talk about it.
The caller was calling Greg names and Greg was freaking out and yelling at the guy. Both of them were cursing so Howard had to warn them that he'd have to hang up if they kept that up.
Howard asked the caller why Greg is giving mental patients a bad name. The caller told Howard what he thought and Greg started rambling and cursing more. Howard said he has to mellow out with that. He said they're trying to get to the bottom of this.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to the caller and Greg. Howard said this must be what goes on in a mental hospital all day long. The caller said that Greg thinks he's cured but he obviously isn't if you listen to what he's saying.
Howard said he's going to let the two of them go. Howard said that the second guy sounds like a robot. Howard did an impression of him and asked some questions about what he does for a living. He said that he repairs phones. Howard did his impression and told him he should be the voice of an answering machine.
Greg and the caller started arguing more. Howard said he wants to work them into a show together. They were saying some pretty wacky stuff to each other. Howard said you can't write dialog like that.
Howard let the two of them keep arguing for a couple of minutes. The second caller was very mellow and he would get Greg revved up. Howard let the two of them go a short time later.
Josh's Corpse Problems. 10/25/00. 8:25am
This 22 year old guy by the name of Josh called in to tell Howard about what he did with a corpse earlier this morning. Howard was under the impression the guy had sex with a corpse but Josh told him that was a different one a long time ago. This time he took LSD then took a corpse from a funeral home and left her on the doorstep of a guy who used to beat him up when he was younger. The details were hazy but for some reason he wrote on the dead girls chest ''You did this to me'', propped her up on the door, rang the doorbell and ran away. He hid in the bushes until he heard sirens. He then ran to a friends house and has been hiding out since. He said that it was this guy's fault that the girl died but, once again, the details were very unclear. He said he was really scared and wanted money from Howard for bail. He kept asking Howard to give him some money for when he gets arrested. He wasn't even sure if he'd done anything that could get him arrested though. Howard and Robin both suggested that he get himself checked into a mental institution. A couple of guys called in and said that they've had sex with corpses and Josh related to their stories. Josh had done one in the past but he didn't talk that much about it. It sounds like his father owns the funeral home that he stole the corpse from so that's probably how he had sex with the other corpse. Some callers told him he needs help and some of them wanted to get a hold of him to cut his balls off.
A cop called in and said there is a law in Pennsylvania that he could be arrested for. Bloated Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and said that this guy could be sued by the family of the dead girl also.
Howard tried to let the guy win a prize by guessing the name of a couple of old 1970's songs but he was unable to get them correct. He got the name of one but didn't know the name of the band so Howard didn't let him win the prize. Josh begged Howard to give him the prize but Howard ended up hanging up on the guy. One listener pointed out that the story wasn't in the news but Josh claims it just happened at 4am today.
Dee Snider And Roger. 1/7/97. 7:40am
Dee Snider, formerly of Twisted Sister, and his buddy Roger came in to visit this morning. Howard knows Roger through Dee. It turns out that Roger is an unusual guy. Dee told some wacky stories about Roger while they were there. Roger scares a lot of people with his over protective personality and his dual personalities. For instance when he played pool against Howard one time he told Howard that he was ''Maaco the pool shark'' during the game and Roger after the game. Anyway Roger has worked his way into the bizarre world of interviewing serial killers. He somehow became friends with a reporter by the name of Steve Dunleavy. Steve has Roger get interviews with people such as Joel Rifkin, a serial killer. Roger has over 1000 hours of audio taped phone calls with Rifkin. That's right, 1000 hours. He brought in some clips from those interviews to play for Howard. Gary came in and told Howard that it took over a month to get clearance to play the tapes because Rifkin's lawyers were trying to stop them from playing them. Howard played a couple of the clips and Roger sounded more disturbed than Joel Rifkin! Roger was laughing at some really sick things that Rifkin was saying. On one call it was hard to tell who was talking because they both sounded kind of twisted in their logic. Roger has also had the privilege of meeting the Zodiac Killer, the Central Park Rapist and Colin Fergusen the Long Island RailRoad killer. All in all this was a very unusual appearance. I wish I could describe it better...
Howard's Exclusive Nicole Bass Interview. 9/19/00. 8:55am
Yesterday Howard talked about how Nicole Bass was arrested for allegedly biting the thumb of a New York City cop. Today Nicole called in with an exclusive interview with Howard. Howard introduced her on the phone as being a ''great guy'' joking around about how masculine she looks. Howard reminded everyone about the story, which varies from newspaper to newspaper, and said that Nicole may have been maced or may not have been maced. The one thing the papers agree on is that she bit the thumb of a cop. Nicole told Howard that she can't really talk about the case and that she had a pre-written statement that she wanted to read. Nicole seemed to cheer up as the interview went on. She first thanked Howard for being a friend to her over the years. She then said that she is ''..innocent and I will be vindicated.'' Meanwhile, Fred was doing his Herman Munster impression because that's kind of what Nicole reminds people of. Fred kept that up through the whole interview. Nicole was calling in from Boston where she's trying to relax with her husband.
Howard asked her about how often she has sex with her husband. She said they do that as often as possible. Howard said something about it being impossible, once again joking about her masculinity. Howard then asked her what a human thumb tastes like. Nicole couldn't answer that one. She repeated her ''innocent, vindicated'' line. Howard asked who was arrested that day. Nicole said it was her husband, her stepdaughter and of course, herself. Howard asked what the stepdaughter calls her. She said she calls her ''mom'' and someone blurted out ''Mr. Mom'' from the studio. At that point Nicole reminded Howard that her DNA test proved that she is a woman.
Some of the articles claim that Nicole was trying to give her husband heart medication during the scuffle. Nicole reminded Howard that her husband had a heart attack not that long ago. Howard said ''.. well wouldn't you (have a heart attack) if you had to wake up next to Nicole every day?'' He also said that Nicole's husband has gone where no man has gone before.
Howard wants to have a TV show about Nicole where they'd follow her around. He also said he'd like to put her in ''Son of the Beach''. He suggested that she could play the Loch Ness Monster or something like that.
Howard asked Nicole about what the jail was like. He asked if she was put in a men's or women's jail cell. Of course it was a woman's cell. She was not strip searched but she said there were a couple of corrections officers who asked her if she was a guy or not. She was also frisked but that was done by a woman. Howard thinks they must have done that to check for a penis. Howard wondered what the other women in her cell must have thought when they ''.. Saw him walk in.'' He said they must have thought she was arrested for impersonating a woman.
Howard questioned her about being in the cell and found out that she had to move her bowels in front of a couple of other women. He wondered if the stink overcame everyone in the cell. A phony phone caller, Sal the Stockbroker I believe, called in as Diane, Nicole's cell mate. Howard laughed hysterically when he heard the mans voice.
Finally, Nicole told Howard that she's going to give Howard the exclusive when she finally comes out to talk about this whole situation. Howard said he wants to have the press conference on the show. Stay tuned.
Former Drug Dealer Leroy Antonio ''Nicky'' Barnes Calls In. 01/31/08. 7:45am
After the break we heard a Jack and Rod show bit where they had an author on the phone and had High Pitch Eric playing a girl who loves candy. Fred played Amy Winehouse's ''Rehab'' as they were coming back. Howard came back and said that he has this guy Nicky Barnes on the phone and he has to disguise his voice because he's in the Witness Protection program.
Howard picked up and Robin wondered why he had to disguise his voice. The guy said that he has a job at a place where he has to use the public address system. He doesn't want anyone to know what he sounds like because he doesn't want to be caught. His voice was masked a little bit with a voice changer.
Howard said that Nicky was one of the biggest heroin dealers in the world before he got caught. He talked to him about this movie ''American Gangster'' that Denzel Washington is in and how he thinks that the movie should have been about him. Nicky said that it should have been but only if he could have made money off of it.
Howard talked to Nicky about what it was like being a huge dealer like that back in the 70s. He was in a group that they called The Council and they used to have a code that said they'd never rat on anyone and they'd never fuck each other's women. Nicky claims that one of the guys fucked his woman so he ratted on him and that's how he ended up where he's at now. He said he's not sure why the other guy did what he did but he thinks that the guy was trying to get the energy that he had by taking his woman away from him.
Nicky said that this code of honor was something that they believed in back then and the rest of the guys who are locked up are still sticking with that code, even though he turned them in. Howard said that Henry Hill isn't afraid of being found because he'll tell everyone where he's at when he calls the show. He wondered why Nicky was so paranoid. Nicky said that he's seen a lot of stuff and he has plead guilty to some homicides but he refused to say ''yes'' when Robin asked him if he killed anyone. He said that he doesn't brag about that stuff.
Howard asked Nicky how he would kill someone if he had to. Nicky said that he wasn't involved in this one homicide and he didn't want to say that he was involved, he just knows about how this went down. He said that this case has already been discussed in court and it's all in the public records. He said that he was going to give them something about that case.
Nicky went on to tell this story about a guy who was being tracked by council members because he had broken the code. They were chasing him down and he was found in the back of a bar. They weren't able to do it in the bar because the guy was in the back of the bar and there was no way for them to get out of there if the crowd rushed to the front. They called the bar and had the guy come to the phone so that's how they got him to the front to take him out.
Howard asked Nicky about being in the program and if he misses that old life. Nicky said that he misses the money but he doesn't miss the constant watching the rear view mirror. Howard asked if he was getting laid by different women all the time and stuff like that. He said that he was, he would have anything and everything he could. Howard said that he must be going nuts in this job that he has now. He said that it's not that bad and he's kind of liking it. He said that he can't say what he does for a living because he can't risk screwing things up.
Howard and Robin asked Nicky about what happened to some of the other people he dealt with in the past. He said that he never put out hits himself and there were other people that he testified against who would put out hits on people.
Howard asked Nicky how much he thinks he was worth when he had the most money. Nicky said that it was maybe $15 or $20 million. He said it was good money back then. Howard said that he made the classic mistake of doing an interview with Time Magazine and they said that he was Mr. Untouchable. That led to President Carter seeing the article and going after him.
Howard asked Nicky why he did that article. He said that it was a mistake and it was his ego that made him do it. He said that it wasn't good common sense either. He said it wasn't like he was an executive at GM or something, he was like the conductor of a classical orchestra or something. He said that he wasn't doing the work on the assembly line, he was just telling people what to do. Howard said that he was fascinated by this whole thing.
Artie said that there was this movie made about him and Cuba Gooding Jr. was playing him and it made him look like a buffoon. He explained what went on with this movie and how they twisted things around. He said that they made up stuff in the movie and changed the story a bit. He told Artie what had actually gone on at that time and how he came about getting all of the drugs that he was dealing. He explained how all of this stuff went down, in detail, and seemed to have Howard and Artie speechless. They didn't interrupt and let him go on and on about that stuff.
Howard said that he read that there was a guy who wanted to get into Nicky's gang and he wanted to prove that he could be in with them so he went out and killed someone random on the street. Nicky said that when you start dropping bodies, that's a way of leaving a trail and he thought that it wasn't the right thing to do.
Howard said that Nicky has a DVD out called ''Mr. Untouchable'' which is a documentary about his life. Nicky said that he can make money on the deal. Howard was going to wrap up but Gary wanted to know if his woman knows who he is. Nicky said that she thinks that she's with a different guy. Nicky said that he doesn't tell anyone about this stuff because he's in the Witness Protection program and he can't let anyone know.
Howard asked Nicky who he's supporting for president. He said that he hasn't been keeping up on that stuff. Artie told Nicky that he's a heroin addict and wondered if he could tell him where to get some good stuff. Nicky didn't know because he hadn't been to the city in a long time and things have changed a lot since the 70s. He said he knows that it exists though and there are good pockets of heroin dealers out there.
Nicky told the guys some other stories about things that happened to him when he was in the joint. He said that a lot of guys forgot the code and started to use the drugs they were selling. He said that he eventually made some arrangements to get things worked out so his people could keep getting paid.
Howard told Nicky to save some of his stories so people will buy his DVD and check it out. Howard thanked him for calling in and said that he's got a $1 million hit out on him right now so he must be worried about that every day.
Nicky told Howard about the movie ''American Gangster'' and how they were trying to portray someone else as a Nicky Barnes character and in the DVD he has out, he says that you get to see his hand measuring some 1/4 spoons and stuff. He said that he had a lot of power on the east coast and the guy in that movie didn't have the power that he had. He said he's got the book (Mr. Untouchable: My Crimes and Punishments) out too and that will fill people in on all of the details about his life.
Nicky said that he had hours of stories to tell. Artie said that he'd call him at home to talk to him about all of that stuff. Robin said that it sounds like he wants to tell everything he can about that stuff. Howard said it has to be weird for these guys who have to go and work a regular job after having the life with all of the drug money.
Howard and the guys talked about the scary life that Nicky had and gave him some more plugs after they let him off the phone. They were also talking about the movie ''American Gangster'' for a few minutes.
In the clip Howard took a call from a woman who said that her husband is in jail and she needs some advice. Howard asked her if he was in jail for embezzling. She didn't know what that meant. Howard said she's obviously not calling in from college. Gilbert Gottfried was sitting in so he was goofing on the situation and doing his black guy impression and talking about what he'd be doing to this guy.
Howard asked the woman what she wants to know. She asked if she should stay with the guy. Howard said that if he's known for misleading people then maybe he's going to do the same to her. Howard asked if she has a butter face. She didn't know what that meant either. Howard said that it means everything is good but her face. She said that's not her at all. She said she's a good looking woman. Howard told her to get the hell out of there.
The caller said that her husband was picked up for drinking. Howard told her that she needs to get out. He said Gilbert always says that Trouble Breeds Trouble. He said he's right about that.
The caller asked Howard if she could get something signed. Howard told her no and said he can't take her anymore. He hung up on her and moved on.
In the clip Howard had John Popper from Blues Traveler on the phone. Howard said John is a fan of the show and thanked them on his album.
Howard said he thinks that anyone can play harmonica so he challenged John to play against him. Howard said that Fred would play some blues and he can play along. Howard had John go first. John was playing along with Fred. Howard said that was okay. John said he can't hear Fred. Howard said that's no excuse. Howard said he's going to play now. He said he's never played before. Howard tried it and blew into the harmonica and didn't sound so bad. Then he started singing.
After the song John said that he was suddenly remembering how he tap dances. Howard thanked John for calling in and said that he should come up there sometime. John asked Howard to play their song ''Hook'' if he really wanted to help. Howard played the song and said that John always gets that harp in their songs. He let the song play for a short time.
Howard said he heard that John got arrested a few weeks ago. John said he had bullets in his car and he left them in his car. Howard said he thought that you could have bullets in your car. John said you can have them in there if you're transporting them from the store to the house. He said the cop saw him driving around with a bad inspection sticker so he got pulled over. He said that the guy had to take him in when they saw the bullets. He said he doesn't drink so he wasn't drunk or anything. Howard asked if he has to go to court. John said he already did. Howard asked if he has any punishment. John said that he's working on it. He said he may get something.
John told Howard that he's willing to do anything for the show. He said he'll walk naked in traffic if he wants. Howard said he can do that. Howard told him to come in and walk around the studio naked. Gary asked Howard to put him on hold so he can talk to him after. Howard thanked John for calling in and let him go a short time later.
In the clip Robin read the news about Evel being arrested. Howard and the guys were goofing on the name ''Evel'' and talking about how fitting that was for someone who was arrested. Howard had a couple of names that he'd use like ''Wife Beater McFeater.''
In the clip Howard read a story about a grandma who killed her boyfriend and carved him up like a furrier. Howard said she took the skin off the guy. Then she took them to the kitchen and cooked the guy's head in a pot to produce a sickening stew. Then she left the meal for his kids to eat. Howard said she pleaded guilty last month.
Howard said they don't say if the soup was any good. Robin wondered what she did with the skin. Howard read through more of the article and tried to find out more. There wasn't much left to the article.
The Return Of Uzo. 4/9/02. 8:25am
This woman Uzo used to be on the show quite often years ago. She used to call Howard her ''God'' and couldn't even look him in the eye. A few years ago she was arrested for running a brothel and she disappeared from the show for a while. She came in this morning to explain what happened.
Howard talked about how he found out about Uzo when he read an article about her arrest in the paper. Uzo made sure to tell Howard that she was never a prostitute herself. Howard said she did offer to give this guy from IBM oral if he gave her two computers one time. She denied that story though and said that would be prostitution.
Uzo went on to talk about how she got into this escort service thing because she was on the web and had the idea to start it. Howard interrupted her and said she still looks hot after all of these years.
Uzo got back to her explanation and said she had set up this web site for guys to hook up with famous models for ridiculous amounts of money. She said that some of the women got as much as $300,000 for a date with these guys who wanted to hook up with them. Uzo said she took 60 percent of the money that came in for setting up the deals.
Howard asked Uzo if she'd be willing to fight Heidi Fleiss at the big Cabbie vs. Stuttering John fight. Uzo called Heidi some names and said that she wouldn't fight her.
Uzo told Howard how the cops busted her one morning while she was still in her night gown. She said they let her change into normal clothes and took her into book her. They apparently asked her to turn in the ''big gun'' of her business but she was the one running it. She said she spent some time in Riker's Island waiting to find out what she'd be prosecuted for but they ended up letting her off.
Uzo says she has been a millionaire since the age of 22 and she now lives in an exclusive section of Palm Beach in a beautiful apartment. You can see pictures of where she lives on her web site Uzo.com.
Uzo said she has her own album coming out this year and she won't be going back into the escort business. The album was supposed to come out a couple of years ago but she was in trouble at the time so she put it off. Howard wanted to hear the album but she hasn't released it yet. She said she'd like to come back and promote it when it's released.
Several times Uzo said that she never robbed or embezzled from anyone so she did nothing wrong. She said she was the best at what she did.
Howard just wanted to see her ass so he asked her to show it to him. She did that and Howard wrapped it up shortly after taking a bunch of phone calls for Uzo. A guy claiming to be a detective said that Uzo doesn't make all of this money she claims to make. He said when they arrested her she only had $188 in her checking account. Uzo said she didn't know who the guy was and it doesn't matter what he says. Howard said the clothes she wears and the way she lives sure make it seem that she's making some kind of money.
In the clip Howard got a guy on the line named Noberto. Howard said that he had a game where he had to guess who was arrested. He gave him the arrest and three choices for who it could be. The first one was John Denver. Next up Howard asked who was arrested twice in 1970 for shoplifting. It turned out to be Farrah Fawcett.
Howard asked Noberto who was arrested for indecent exposure in a theater. He gave him 3 choices and the caller guessed it was Paul Reubens who plays Pee Wee Herman. Howard said he's right.
Howard gave the caller another one. He asked who was arrested for having sex with a 13 year old girl. He gave him three choices and the caller guessed Roman Polanski and got that one right too.
Howard asked which celebrity was arrested for walking naked and alone on a Mexican highway. Howard gave a few choices and it turned out to be Dennis Hopper. Noberto got that one correct.
Howard asked which celebrity was arrested for hitting his wife with a script binder. Howard gave him a few choices and the caller guessed it was Charlie Sheen. He was wrong. It was actually Eric Roberts.
Howard asked which celebrity was arrested for stealing credit card receipts from garbage cans and using those numbers to steal. The caller guessed it was Jenny Jones and got it wrong. Howard said it's actually Charlie Sheen according to what he's reading. Howard said he didn't know he was that much of a maniac. Howard said they got this from a book called Celebrity Arrests or something like that.
Howard said he'll give the caller one last chance. He said that he wins if he gets this one right. Howard asked him which celebrity was a long time opium addict and had to go to rehab at the age of 72 when a court ordered it. Howard gave the guy a few choices and the caller guessed it was Bela Lugosi. He was right. He won a computer. Howard said that it sounds like they just turned the guy's life around.
Howard read about some other celebrity arrests. He told Robin about those. Howard had a bunch that were pretty interesting.
Comedian Kathy Griffin Comes In. 2/1/99. 8:20am
Actress/comedian Kathy Griffin came in to promote a couple of things this morning. Kathy co-stars on ''Suddenly Susan'' with Brooke Shields and Judd Nelson. She was promoting that show and the new cartoon ''Dilbert'' in which she does one of the voices. The two shows will be competing against each other on Monday nights at 8pm. Howard's not a fan of ''Suddenly Susan'' but told Kathy that her stand-up routines are funny, that's why he likes her. He goofed on Brooke Shields and her husband Andre Agassi a little bit but Kathy couldn't do that. Howard told her that he feels Brooke is the weak link on the show even though she's the star. Howard found out that Kathy has a serial killer fascination and she's been to a few trials. They spent quite a while talking about that subject. Kathy said that she once spoke to one of the jurors during the trial of Richard Ramirez and got in trouble with the judge. Then she brought up the Menendez trial and how she liked Lyle Menendez. She did an interview with People magazine and they mentioned that in the article. Lyle ended up getting in contact with her but she never went to visit him. That discussion led phone call from Tracy Baker who used to date Lyle Menendez and testified at his trial. Tracy said that she stopped dating him about a year before he and his brother killed their parents. She told Howard that she saw how strange their parents were first hand. She told Howard that Lyle's penis was bigger than 6'' and hinted that she may have given him oral sex while they were dating. Howard's attention then focused on Kathy and whether or not she was wearing panties today. She wasn't. Howard told Kathy that she had nice breasts and checked out her feet. Then a caller told Howard that she's dating some guy from pop band ''In Sync.'' She said that she made out with one of them but didn't really date him. She explained how she met the group and how a couple of them got her phone number. One of them was only 19, which was too young for her, so she told him that he was too young. The 21 year old called her and eventually made out with her. She said they kissed and he felt her up but that was it. She said he told her that when he called her he did some sex talk but it was something like ''I'd bang you so good that you wouldn't be able to walk for a week.'' Sweet huh? Howard had to wrap everything up because Kathy was on her way to do the Rosie O'Donnell show.
Today's Brush With the Law was over around 10:45am.
Artie's Many Arrests, E-mail And More. 01/09/04. 7:45am
Howard said he got a letter from a guy who said that Artie once tried to rob a bank. Artie said he did get arrested for that one time. He said he did it as a joke to try and hit on this cute chick at the bank. Artie said he wrote that he had a gun and wanted her to put $50,000 in a bag. Artie said he signed his name to it figuring that she would think it was funny. She tripped the silent alarm in the mean time and started to stack up some money for him. Artie said he told her it was just a joke and took the note and crumpled it up. He left with his girlfriend and just missed the SWAT team showing up at the bank. Artie said that an hour later he was playing whiffle ball in the back yard with his buddies. A short time later he got a phone call from his girlfriend's house and they freaked out on them. Artie said he had to surrender and got arrested for the crime. Artie said he spent the night in jail and ended up getting the bank robbery charge down to a misdemeanor. He ended up having to go to court with his grandfather because his father had fallen and injured himself.
Artie said the judge read the note he wrote on the bank slip to him and embarrassed him. He was sentenced to do a bunch of stuff for the city. Artie said that it made it to the paper but he was a juvenile so they couldn't use his name. They did use his girlfriend's name though because she was 18 at the time. He said she broke up with him after that. They're still friendly but don't talk much these days.
Howard asked him how many times he's been arrested in his life. He said he was arrested maybe 10 times in his life for various stuff. He said he hasn't been arrested in about 8 years now. Howard said he's always thinking that Artie is normal but he's not. Howard didn't think there was much of a joke in that note he wrote.
Gary wondered what the other arrests were for. Artie said there were two DUIs... He said the last one was in 1993. He said his mother had to come pick him up that night. He said she was smacking him in the back of the head after that. Then one time he got into a food fight at a Burger King where he got into a scuffle with another guy. He got arrested by the State Police for that one. Then there was a bar fight where he was in a bar and a guy started yelling at him. He threw a beer at the guy and the bouncers threw him out. They smashed his face into their knee. He ended up at the hospital and passed out. He was going to blow off work the next day at the restaurant his sister got him a job at. She didn't let him blow it off so he went in and as he was taking an order, his nose started to bleed. The woman at the table started to scream so he ended up getting fired.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and said that it sounds like Artie really did want to rob that bank back then. Artie said he really didn't want to rob it, he thought he was just flirting with the chick behind the counter. Another caller said that Artie is a real degenerate and asked if they do background checks on people before they hire them. Howard said they obviously don't.
Gary said that Artie has had some low points in his life. They were starting to talk about that but there was a loud thud in the studio. It turned out to be a bunch of tools that fell out of the ceiling. Gary said that one of the E! cameras just flipped over as well. Howard spent a couple more minutes on that stuff and then took a break.
In the clip Howard took a call from the Pope of Pot who ended up going to jail. Howard told the guy that he knew this was going to happen to him. He said it's not legal to sell pot and that's what happens. Pope said that it will be legal some day. Howard said it's not yet. Pope said that it should be legal. Howard said he knows it's not legal yet so he has to expect this. Howard said there are plenty of guys selling pot in the city and they don't have a phone line. He told the guy that he gave the police no choice but to arrest him.
Howard asked what they're doing to him in the tombs. Pope said he has to go for an operation. He said he has a hernia. Howard asked if guys are coming on to him in there. He said he knows he's gay and he wondered if he's getting a lot of sex in there. Pope said he's really not. Howard asked if it's like Disney World in there for him since he's gay. Pope said it's really not.
Pope said that if everyone he gave pot to donated just one dollar he'd be able to make bail. Howard asked if anyone famous is in there with him. Pope said there isn't really anyone. He said that he has his own cell too. Howard asked if he has to shower with other guys. Pope said he can shower when he wants. Howard said he doesn't understand prison. Howard asked if he has cable TV in there. Pope said they do have TV. He said they're just the regular channels.
Howard asked what Pope does in there. Pope said he just reads until his eyes hurt. Howard asked about all of the homosexuality that exists in prison. Pope said it might exist if you want it. Howard asked if he's horny in there. Pope said you bet he is.
Howard said he wishes him the best but people are in a very anti-drug state right now. Pope said he sold to everyone. He said they're the biggest hypocrites in the world. Howard asked why he should profit off of pot while no one else does. Pope said this is a culture and no one else is getting in trouble for selling crack. He said that's what the President is doing. Howard said that's what his agent says every day and no one is calling him crazy.
Howard told Pope to stop being so flagrant about this whole thing and he'll be fine. Howard told him to tell Berkowitz they said hello. Pope said he saw Rakowitz in there. Howard told him to tell him hello then. Howard wished him the best with his case. He was going to let him go but there was a lot of yelling going on in there. Pope said that they're cleaning their cells so there's a lot of noise in there.
Howard said he feels bad for the guy because he just doesn't get it. Robin said he does get it and he thinks he's on a crusade. Howard said he could take it to the courts without dealing pot. Howard said you don't need to deal pot to have a crusade. Robin said he could be lobbying for a bill to be passed or something. Howard said that's what he would do. Howard said he told the guy that he's going about this the wrong way.
Rap Star, The Game, Visits. 12/10/12. 8:10am
After the break we heard George Takei singing ''Brad's Big Balls'' and a Howard Stern Show promo. We also heard another Sandusky Claus clip. Fred played John Lennon's ''Happy Christmas'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and mentioned the Extreme Superfan Contest they have coming up and how you can enter. He said you can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard
Howard said rap star The Game is going to be there. Howard said he was told that he's changed his name to just ''Game.'' Howard said he has had a very rich life. Howard said he considers his life a nightmare. Howard said most people would break if they had his life. Robin said most people do break from the stuff he's been through.
Howard said it was good to see Howie. He said he hasn't seen him since the show. Howard said it's kind of weird they haven't spoken since then. Howard said he considers the guy a friend though. Howard said he's not the type to call someone. Howard said he's known Fred for 30 years and he can count on one hand how many times he's called him. Howard said he is a good friend though.
Howard said The Game has a new album coming out and that's called ''Jesus Piece.'' Howard said the guy is worth about $25 million. Robin asked how that's possible. Howard said it's from the business.
Howard asked The Game if he's ''The Game'' or just ''Game.'' He didn't get a chance to answer. He said he had never seen that kind of headset setup before.
Howard said he read about The Game's life and said that it seems like there were no rules. Game said he grew up in Compton. He said when you grow up in it you can't understand what's going on. He said once he moved out of Compton he got what was going on. He said he didn't see it until he was on his way to a release party. He said ran into a shoot out on his way to a party. He said that was just routine before that.
Howard said The Game grew up in a neighborhood that was mostly Crips. Game said that there were gangs all over in that area. He said you just walk a few blocks and you run across a different gang.
Howard said he grew up around the Crips but he became a Blood. Game said his grandparents were in a Blood area. He said his parents were Crips. Game said he and his brother both became Bloods. Howard said two of his brothers were murdered. Game said that one was in 1999 and one was in 1995. He said one brother was shot in the stomach and the other one was murdered fighting with a drug dealer.
Howard said his parents had 15 kids. Robin asked how that's possible. Game said that he ended up growing up in a foster home. Game said he was about 7 or 8 when he went to the foster home. He said that his mother was like 26 and he figured she hated them. He said that his dad was a drug dealer. He said even though the situation was messed up you still don't want to be taken out of that situation. He said that he ended up in this foster home that had multi-racial kids and the other kids in school would make fun of him over that. He said that the whole school was probably on welfare so they didn't get made fun of over that.
Howard asked when he lost his virginity. Game said he lost it pretty late. He said he didn't lose it until he was almost 18. He said that he used to tell the other kids that he was fucking before that. He said trying to have sex was tough because he didn't know what to do. He said he wasn't sure about the procedure. He said that he had to figure it out and he figured it out when he was almost 18. He said this girl he was with helped him figure it all out.
Howard said he figured he'd be angry with women because his mother abandoned him. Game said that she didn't abandon him. He said that she showed up to court for 6 or 7 years trying to get them back. He said she did try. Howard said it must have been heartbreaking to him. Game said that one day they were able to go back to her but he was already 16 and in a gang. He said he had been away from her longer than he had been alive. He said they didn't hit it off very well. He said he did everything disrespectful to her that he could.
Howard said The Game used to see his parents going out and getting ready to kill people on a drive by. Game said that's what everyone's parents did in that neighborhood. Howard said people wonder why they don't get their shit together but in that neighborhood it's a regular way of life.
The Game told Howard about how he would dress in neutral colors when he was going to school but then he's slip on his Jordan shirt that was in red.
Howard asked The Game about the rest of the family and how they're getting along. Game said that he has one sister who ran off to Vegas and became a prostitute. He said that she was younger than him but he saw her not too long ago and she looks older than he does. He said that brought him back to growing up. He said his younger brother is there with him today. He said he does get along with him.
Howard said The Game is worth millions so his family has to be hitting him up for money. The game said that in the beginning it was crazy. He said they were hitting him up for money a lot. He said no they know that he'll just tell them to fuck off. He said his dad is still alive and the last time he talked to him he was homeless. He said he offered him a few nights in the Bentley if he wanted it. He said one of his older brothers helped him out instead.
Howard asked The game if it's hard for him to conform to rules after growing up the way he did. Howard said he had no guidance. The Game said you have to figure it out on your own. He said he went to jail a few times in his life. He said it was because of drugs and gang activity. Howard asked if he ever used drugs. The Game said he didn't. He said his father used and he saw how fucked up that was.
Robin asked when he started rapping. The Game said he got shot in 2001 and he never rapped before that. He said they had a rule about not selling after midnight. He said that they took over an area and ran some people out. He said he thinks they came back and took it back from them.
Howard asked if he's still in the gang since it's so hard to get out. The Game said that you have to play dead for a few years to get out. He said he had some brothers who were Crips and that was really weird. He said they still don't talk to this day.
Robin asked how getting shot got him into rap. The Game said that the rule was to stop selling at midnight. He said he was home alone that night and that way you get all of the sales. He said he was cleaning up and he heard a knock on the door after midnight. He said it was a nerdy guy who always came. He said that four guys followed him in and they shot him twice in the chest and in the arm. He said he ran down the hall and he felt his ankle blow out. He said they kept shooting and he just laid there. He said they left and then he crawled to the bathroom and pulled his wife beater back and blood shot on the mirror. He said he passed out and woke up 4 days later in the hospital. He said he has no idea who saved him.
Howard asked if it hurt to get shot. The Game said that it doesn't hurt. He said the people you hear yelling are yelling because they don't want to die. He said that you don't feel the pain. Howard asked how many bullets he took. The Game said it was 5. He said it's a miracle he survived.
Howard asked if getting shot is worse than prison. The Game said that prison is worse. He said he'd rather get shot. The Game said that going to prison as a celebrity is magnified by 10. He said going as a regular person is okay but going as a celebrity is really bad. Robin asked what he did to go to prison as a star. The Game said he had a few altercations.
Howard said he was reading about how he left the Letterman show and got into a cab and told the driver tog go through the red lights because he was a police officer. The Game said he never told the guy he was a police officer. He said his security guy was off duty and he told the driver he was a police officer. He said the guy started lying and told the cops that they did what they did for him. He said he went to jail that night but got bailed out the next morning. He said the case was thrown out.
Howard asked what happened with the police that has made him so upset with them. The Game said that he's not about the race thing but growing up and seeing the police brutality in the 80s made him have these feelings. He said they're still not fair to this day. Howard said he must be cautious to this day. The Game said that he just says ''fuck the police'' and he's said that for a long time.
Howard asked about why he was locked up as a celebrity in prison. The Game said he got into a fight with a guy who said he was going to kill him. He said he beat the guy up. He said the guy picked a fight with him and ran to his car claiming he was going to kill him. He said he left and then the guy called the police and said he was going to kill him. He said the police raided his house 3 or 4 months laster and took all of his guns and put him in prison for 6 months. Howard asked what happened in there. The Game said that the guards were the worst. He said they would bump you and give you extra crap times 100 compared to the other guys. He said it's really fucked up.
Howard asked about what it was like when he was in there as a regular person. The Game said that it was cool to go to prison as a kid. He said that it gave you street cred.
Howard asked The Game if he thinks that the world kind of owes him something after all of this. Howard asked if he feels he has the right to fuck women and get what he's owed. The Game said he does feel that way. He said he has been through some shit and it's his turn. He said he is married and he's locked into that. Howard asked if he finds it hard to believe that he can be in a relationship like that after all he's been through. The Game said it is. He said he always said that he would do it right if he ever had kids though. He said he tires not to make mistakes. Howard asked how he knows when he's doing the right thing. The Game said you know when it's fucked up so it just happens. He said he tells his kids he loves them more than anyone else.
Robin asked about how he ended up getting into rapping. The Game said he got shot and he couldn't move for like 4 or 5 months. He said he was listening to a lot of hip hop music in bed and it just became him. He said he was listening to everything and then he started stealing lyrics. He said he was just replacing other rap names with his own. He said he eventually started doing his own thing. Howard asked about the rap battles and if you can actually beat some of these guys up. The Game said that he was pretty good once he got into the competitions.
Howard asked how big he is because he looks like a big guy. The Game said he's 6'5'' tall. He said he has lost some fights though. He said he got hit in the head with a bat once. Howard asked if that's why he has the tattoos on his face. He said that's not the reason. He said he just likes the tattoo on his face. Howard said that makes you more identifiable to the police. The Game said ''Well, fuck the police...''
Howard asked how he met 50 Cent. The Game said he signed with Dr. Dre early on around the time that 50 Cent was signing. He said that he was out rapping and someone heard about him and told Dre about him. He said that this guy came out looking for him and he and his friends pulled guns on him. He said the guy came back a month later and said that Dre told him that if he didn't come back with Game then he was supposed to just die there. Game said that he took him to see Dr. Dre and went to see the studio.
Howard asked what happened there with 50 Cent. The Game said that he thinks that he wanted to keep people under him and people were paying attention to him and not 50 so he went on some rants. He said they had a little bit of a fallout. He said that he didn't want to hear him fucking with him on the air. He said it came down to guns shots outside of Hot 97 there in New York. Howard said he remembers that now. Howard said he heard 50 talking about him and he showed up there with a gun. Howard asked what he said that pissed him off. Game said that he was saying that he wasn't loyal and he was getting kicked out of the group. He said that was bullshit. He said he felt that he was trying to kill his career and he didn't like that.
Howard asked what he said to 50 when he went to see him. The Game said that they broke the door off the building and there were like 60 guys with him. He said that they all pulled out guns and there was a shoot out. He said that one of his friends got shot in the leg. He said everyone missed other than that. He said he didn't go to jail for that either. He said he just flew home on JetBlue. Howard asked if 50 Cent is in a gang. The Game said he's not.
Howard asked if he's feeling any pressure with this new album out. The Game said this is his 5th one so he's not nervous. He said that he knows it'll do well.
Gary came in and asked if Michael Jackson called him once. The Game said he did. He was trying to squash the beef between him and 50. He said that once Michael asked him to be on his album he hung up on him. He said he got a call from a guy who had an African accent. He said that the guy asked him to wait on hold for 15 minutes. He said it seemed like days waiting for him. He said he got on the phone and Michael told him that he liked his music and asked him to reconcile with 50 by doing something on his album. He said he felt there was some bullshit there so he hung up on him.
Howard asked The Game if he saw 50 today if a fight would go down. Game said maybe it would, who knows. Howard asked if he's ever looked over his shoulder with all of the stuff that went down. The Game said he never has. He said everyone has to die and he doesn't think about that stuff. The Game said all he wants is his kids to be taken care of. He said he'd like to be around as long as he can but if something happens then it happens.
Howard asked The Game if he would call the police if he had a home invasion or something. The Game said he would take care of things himself. He said he'd kill anyone that came into the house and take responsibility for whatever the outcome is.
Howard asked The Game about some of the other rappers who he's had a beef with. Howard said he had this guy DJ Whoo Kid on his show. The Game said that he just talked to him recently after not talking for 7 years.
Howard asked if he ever dated Tila Tequila. The Game said he never did. He said that she's too skinny for him.
Howard asked The Game about his new album ''Jesus Piece'' and asked about some of the songs on the album. Howard asked about some of his friends in the business and asked what he thinks about Chris Brown. The Game said it was just one of those Hollywood mishaps and he thinks Chris has changed. He said he doesn't think it'll happen again. Howard said he thinks that she's crazy to go back with him. Howard asked if Chris was dating his sister and he hit her, would he be alive today. The Game said he didn't want to go there. Howard said he's taking that as meaning he'd be dead.
Howard played some of The Game's new album. He played his song ''Celebration.'' Howard said that Gary's son Lucas is into The Game and he wanted to cut school and come in to meet him. The Game said ''Fuck Gary.'' Gary said he told his son that he didn't know if he wanted kids hanging around him. Gary said his son didn't talk to him the whole day yesterday. Gary said he wanted to send him a note or call him in the green room. He said no to him and the kid was upset. Howard asked if Lucas is going to buy the album. Gary said he already has it. He said the record company sent them a couple of copies.
Howard said that The Game says that his album is going to be big. Robin asked if he smokes pot. He said he does. Howard asked if he's ever done coke. He said he hasn't. He said he has only dealt it.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked how The Game can be so against the cops when he's doing so many things wrong. All The Game would say is ''Fuck the cops.'' The Game said that's simply his opinion. He said if you love the police then that's fine. He said that's just his opinion.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked about the gathering of The Juggalos and why he didn't show up at the gathering. The Game said that what happened is that he didn't get all of his money so he didn't get on the plane to fly out there. He said that he never got the front half he wanted so he didn't fly out.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he just previewed the album on iTunes and it sounds crazy. The Game also told Howard about all of the stuff that 50 Cent has failed at and how he thinks that he helped in that by calling him a pussy. Howard asked if he should have fought him just to fight him. The Game said all he had to do was say he was sorry and he would have been fine.
King said that The Game's wife is smoking hot. Howard asked if she's a model. The Game said that she is in her own world. Howard asked if he's married. The Game said that he's not yet but that's coming. Howard said he has to get a picture of her. The Game said he can go a half hour with her. Howard said he has no control like that. He said he can't even last minutes. The Game told him you have to just slow down and you can reset yourself. He said you can do that and go for hours. Howard said if he looks at his wife at all then he cums. The Game said you have to just slow down.
Howard asked The game if he eats out his wife. He said he does. Howard asked King if he does that too. King said he loves that shit. Howard asked The Game if he called 50 Cent gay because he really thinks he's gay. The Game said that he used to see a lot of guys in the house and not many chicks.
Howard asked if he could get him to make up with 50 Cent. The game said he thinks he could make that happen. He said he just has to call DJ Whoo Kid who will call Curtis and see if he can make that happen.
Howard asked The Game about his sex life and what the freakiest thing was. He said he had a couple of women at once but one of them left in the middle of it after getting jealous. Howard said he could talk all day about this shit. Howard said that The Game has to get back out and sell some albums. Howard said he must be doing something right if he's worth $18 million. The Game said that he's declining but he's doing okay. Howard asked if he was sued for $5 million. The Game said that he was and it was the police. He said they won in judgment but he isn't sure what he did to take care of that.
Howard asked how he came up with his name. The Game said his grandmother gave him that when he was about 7. He said he actually got a scholarship and screwed that up when he sold pot on campus in the first semester. He said that changed his life for the better though.
Howard asked if he smokes a lot of pot. The Game said he smokes about a much as Snoop does. He said that his driver had a problem with it today. He said that he smoked up in the car and the guy told them to put it out. He said he just said ''Fuck you, Lee.''
Howard asked if The Game listened to him as he was growing up. He said he did. He said he will back Howard in whatever he does. He said he won't let anyone give Howard shit. Howard told him to say hello to Snoop for him. He told him to come back and see them again. The Game said he will. He also said that Gary should have let his son come in today. He said he fucked up. Howard went to break a short time later.
Mark Wahlberg Visits. 06/18/12. 7:05am
After the break we heard Evil Dave singing ''War Pigs.'' Howard came back in the middle of that. Howard let the clip play through a little bit and then had Mark Wahlberg come in.
Howard said Mark is in the movie ''Ted'' and he heard that Gary and Richie Wilson really loved the movie. Howard said Mark looks relaxed and confident. Howard said the amazing thing about Mark is that he does well with the movies he does. His last movie was ''Contraband'' and that did well because they kept the budget low. Howard asked if he is locked up now with his marriage. Mark said he's glad that he doesn't go out. Howard said he felt that it must be difficult now that he's married. Robin was laughing and Mark asked where she is. Howard said he keeps her locked up somewhere.
Howard asked Mark how he's able to keep his marriage together and keep his eye from wandering. Mark asked if he wants advice. Mark said he is married to one of the most beautiful women in the world. Howard agreed. He said there's still temptation out there. Mark said he's very lucky and fortunate. He said he's the luckiest guy in the world. Howard asked if religion helps. Mark said it does. Howard asked if he goes to church every day. Mark said he does get down on his hands and knees and prays every day. Robin asked what else he prays for. He has everything. Mark said he prays and thanks for what he has.
Howard asked if this is new for him. Mark said he strayed away from church for a while but he would get into trouble and go back. He said the great thing is that god is very forgiving.
Howard asked if he brings all of the kids to church. Mark said he doesn't make them go every day. He said he doesn't want them to hate it.
Howard asked Mark about someone who said that he wanted to fuck Mila Kunis. He said he thought Mark wanted to kick that guy's ass. Mark said that he did want to do that. He said the guy was an older guy and he shouldn't have done that. Howard asked how he gets out his aggression. Mark said it depends on what he's doing for work.
Howard said he heard that Mark is going to get his diploma. Mark said he did drop out in 9th grad so he's going back to that grade and doing it online. He said that things were tough when he was a kid. He said he was smoking cigarettes in the house at the age of 12. He said that he had to go out and get a job at 12. He said he was bagging groceries at that age. Howard said he's always been a hustler. Mark said he really has.
Howard asked Mark how he got to where he is if he was so lost back then. Mark said he had a lot of love in his family. Howard said Mark wouldn't let his son drop out. Mark said he wouldn't. He said that he's going back to school so his kids can't say that he dropped out and why can't they. Howard asked Mark if it's difficult to get attention in a house full of 9 kids. Mark said that he doesn't think about that. He said Howard thinks too much about that. He said he's focused on his career and he's looking at the future.
Howard asked Mark how he looks at the future for his kids when he was so screwed up as a kid. Mark said they have therapists who help them with the kids and things like that. Howard said he thinks that it requires a lot of work. Mark said that's why he doesn't go out at night anymore. He said he goes to bed at 8 like Howard does. Howard said he heard he doesn't masturbate anymore. Mark said he has no reason to. He said he may have to go do that while thinking about Howard after the show today.
Mark said he has to go out and succumb to Howard to promote this new movie. Howard said he heard it's really good and he will promote it. Howard said he thinks they could have a monster hit with it. Mark said the concept sounds ridiculous but after reading the script he got Seth MacFarlane's concept and it's great. He said his wife thought it was going to ruin his career until she saw the first cut of the movie. He said she was cracking up during the whole thing.
Howard said that all movies that do well these days are cartoons and super hero movies so it must be tough to decide to do a movie like this. Mark said there are some people who make decisions on a simple formula. He said he wants to do something different every time he goes out. He said that he thinks that he does things that people want to see him in.
Howard asked Mark if he reads a script like 50 times before deciding to do it. Mark said he reads it once. He said once he commits he will read it a bunch of times. He said he's going to be working on a movie with Denzel Washington and he read it out loud like 6 times on the way there.
Howard said Eric the Actor wants to know if they're making an Entourage movie. Mark said that they are. He said Doug Ellin is working on it now.
Howard asked Mark about how much he made doing Contraband. Mark said you can make good money. He wasn't saying what he made on that one but Howard kept digging. Mark told Howard that he has some nice teeth. He said he fixed them up a big. Howard said he has bad teeth. Mark said he wanted to see more. Howard asked to see his abs. Howard said his teeth aren't real.
Mark asked Howard why he didn't make another movie after Private Parts. Howard said he's a radio guy. He said he is doing well in radio. Mark said that it's crazy and he had to sign a fucking release to come in the studio. Robin asked if he has to do confession because of the constant cursing. Mark said he doesn't have to do that. He asked where Robin was but no one was telling him that she's doing the show from home.
Mark told Howard that his kids think that they can go to see his movie since there's a Teddy bear in it but he told them they really can't see it. Howard asked about the kids and how he's going to have the drug conversation with them. Howard wanted him to run it by him to hear what he was going to tell them. Mark just laughed.
Howard asked Mark if he thinks that the parents of the kids at school say they have to get over to the Wahlberg's house so the parents can get in. Mark said they don't do that. He said he doesn't have overnight stays or anything at his house. He said that it's a liability.
Howard asked Mark about this movie ''Ted'' and if it's for kids. Mark said it is rated R. Howard said people can get confused by the Teddy bear thing. Howard asked what you tell people. Mark said he thinks that people seeing the trailer is what brings people in. He said that he goes based on the material. Howard asked if he thinks Tom Cruise is a fool for doing Rock of Ages. He said it tanked. Mark said ''Did it?'' Howard said Mark knows that it tanked. Mark said he knows what the matinees were doing on Friday. Howard said of course he did.
Howard asked Mark if he's going to know how the movie is going to do. Mark said he knows before most people know. He said the movie is tracking very well right now.
Howard asked what kind of blow jobs the studio gives him if the movie is a hit. He wanted to know if they'll just give him a car. Mark said he has a lot of things in development. He said they have figured out a way to make movies for less money. He said they made The Fighter for $11 million and it made over $140 million at the box office. He said that you take less up front and it makes sense for everyone. He said he just wants to be able to keep making the movies he wants to make.
Mark said there's a fight scene in Ted and he thought it was ridiculous. He said that it's one of the most talked about scenes in the movie. He said he thought that maybe he didn't know what was good. He said he just goes with his gut.
Howard asked if there is nudity in the movie or is it violence. Mark said the Teddy bear does a lot of things like smoking weed and doing coke. He said the bear bangs hookers and a cashier at the super market and even Norah Jones. Howard asked if Mark shows anything in the film. Mark said he shows his ass. Howard asked if he has a nice ass. Mark said he doesn't know. Howard told him to pull down his pants and show him. Howard asked if Mila Kunis is nude in it. Mark said she is not. Howard asked if he did a love scene with her and didn't get an erection. Mark said it's not that kind of film and they didn't do a love scene.
Howard asked Mark if his wife is reading Fifty Shades of Grey. Mark said she is reading it. Howard asked if he ties up his wife like they do in the book. Mark said he doesn't do that and he doesn't ask. Howard said he asked and his wife laughed at him.
Howard asked Mark about this restaurant that he and his family opened up. Mark told Howard that one brother is a 5 star chef and they opened up a restaurant. He mentioned his brother Donny too. Howard asked where he's been. Mark said he's out on tour with New Kids on the Block. Howard asked if he was jealous of his brother. Mark said he's not upset that he waited to do his own thing. He said he wasn't jealous of his brother. Mark said he got out of jail and did his album and then did a modeling thing for Calvin Klein because they said they were going to promote his album. He said that turned out to be a lie. Howard asked if he banged Kate Moss. Mark said he didn't. He said that she wasn't his type. He said that she's a very nice woman though.
Howard said Mark went from being in jail to making very good decisions in his life. Mark said he is blessed and very thankful for that. Howard asked Mark if he shows up to a church and has people going nuts. Mark said most times they don't know who you are. Howard said he has to be very recognizable. Mark said they think that you're familiar but they can't place you.
Howard asked mark what he's most proud of in his life. Mark said he has been very fortunate with his movies. Howard asked if Ted is the best. Mark said for what it is it is the best comedy he's ever been associated with. Howard asked if Seth went to him first. Mark said he's not sure about that.
Howard said that In Treatment is a great show. Mark said they have a lot of good stuff in the works. He said they're working on Boardwalk Empire and he saw a new episode and it's great. He said Tim Van Patten is a great director. Howard asked how he puts all of this together. He said HBO must be way into him. Mark said they have a specific thing they want to do and they won't do just anything. Howard asked how he finds a thing like Boardwalk Empire. Mark said that they owned the rights to Boardwalk Empire and they brought that to Martin Scorsese. He said they both have the same management. Mark said that he talked Marty into doing the show. Mark said he went to the set of Shutter Island to talk to him about it.
Howard asked who makes the decision to cast Steve Buscemi in it. Mark said it was down to Marty and Terry. Howard said you don't think he's going to be a great lead guy but he turned out to be great. Mark said that they want stars in some roles but Steve is one of the great actors of all time. Howard said you'd never expect a guy like that to be in the lead. He said he feels he could beat up Buscemi. Mark said he thinks he's just a great actor and there's nothing he can't do. Howard said he's shocked that he was the first choice. Mark said some other names were thrown around. He said Alec Baldwin was one of the names. Howard said he can see him in that role. Mark said he may have been tied up with 30 Rock at the time.
Howard asked if they asked Buscemi to audition. mark said absolutely not. He said they know he's a great actor. Howard said they just went on their gut instinct then. Mark said he's one of the great living actors.
Howard asked Mark if he has to audition. mark said he'll offer to do it. He said if they wanted him to do it then he would. Mark said one guy did ask him to do it but he didn't do it. Mark said the movie is coming out this Christmas and he was asked to do it for just about no money. He said he had to turn it down. He said it's not tasteful to say what movie it was on the air. He said he'll tell Howard off the air. He said he doesn't want to give them the promotion. He even added ''Fuck 'em.''
Robin was trying to ask Mark a question but he was confused by her not being there. Howard said she's ill today and she's home doing the show via ISDN line.
Howard asked Mark about this The Wahlburger restaurant and where they are. Mark said they have one in Massachusetts and they're doing a docudrama about building the business. He said they're also supposed to expand soon. He said that it's not all about him. He said it's a real business and his brother is involved in it too. Howard asked if he loves being busy like this. Mark said he has an exit strategy and he would like to make so much and then walk away.
Mark said he would rather talk to Howard about this at Nobu at 5 tonight. He said he and Howard are very much alike in that way. He said that they go when they're still setting up the tables.
Howard asked Mark what he really wants to do. Mark said he wants to spend more time at home and work from home. He said he's working with GNC on a health and wellness thing. He said that he partnered up with GNC and he wanted the best supplements that they could come up with. He said they have all of it. Mark said he did a body building movie and he put on 40 pounds for that. He said that he did that in 9 weeks using these formulas. He said you have to exercise and eat of course.
Howard said he diets to lose weight. Mark said he has to lose another 10 himself. He said he lost 20 of the 40 he put on. Howard asked what he's lacking with his work out. He said he benches 95 pounds does 10 reps. Howard asked what Mark is benching. Mark laughed. Mark said when he stopped working out he was doing 335. Howard said he's never done that. Robin said that's what's called ramping it up. Mark said that it all depends on what you want to do. Howard asked if he ever took steroids. Mark said it's not good for you. He said he never took juice. Mark swore to the good lord that he didn't do that. He said it's not good for you. Howard said he put shit in his body that wasn't good for him. He said he's thinking about taking the juice now.
Mark said there's this whole thing about HGH. He said he read an article in Vanity Fair about that and people think it's like the fountain of youth but it can't be good for you.
Howard asked Mark if he would do Botox. Mark said absolutely not. He said if he can be Robert Duvall in 40 years he'd be more than happy. Howard said guys try to look good to stay the leading man. Mark said he would like to own a studio in 15 years and not have to be in the movies. He said he would like to be out of the public eye by then.
Howard asked Mark what this GNC stuff is called. Mark said it's called Marked. He said the health and wellness thing is going to be huge. He said that it's a multi-billion dollar industry.
Howard asked Mark about making comments about other stars and how he gets into trouble. Howard said he said he has to be careful about what he says. Howard said he said he didn't want to see a Sarah Jessica Parker movie or something. mark said he didn't like the second Sex and the City movie. He said that he loves Sarah though.
Howard asked Mark what he thinks the biggest mistake was for a star doing a movie. Mark said he's made some poor decisions himself. He said he never goes in thinking that the movie is going to suck. He said he has done a couple that weren't great. He said Planet of the Apes wasn't all that great but he had a great time working with Tim Burton. Howard said he liked that movie. Mark said it didn't work. He said The Happening wasn't all that great either. He said that nothing really happened. He said they remade Charade too and that wasn't all that great. He said the studio released it as an art film so they were nice that way.
Howard asked Mark how he handles a failure. He said he knows it has to be hard to deal with. Mark said you just take it on the chin and move on. Mark said he has had some real hardships in his life. He said he had to go to jail. He was in for a couple of months at 17. He said he was like 5'2'' and 110 pounds at the time. He said he took a plea deal and he could have ended up going for 2 years. He said he took the short time in corrections.
Mark said he did a lot of dumb things as a kid. He said he was drunk and crazy so he had to go to jail for it. Howard said he is an angry guy. Mark asked why. Howard said to assault someone and punch them out is tremendous anger. Mark said Howard doesn't get where he's from. Howard said where he came from was a picnic compared to where he came from. Howard said he grew up in Roosevelt, Long Island. Mark said he's thinking of the Hampton's when he hears Long Island.
Howard asked Mark why he beat this guy up. Mark said they robbed a store and they hit a guy from behind trying to steal some beer. He said they ended up in a melee and he ended up getting arrested.
Howard said he isn't a good fighter himself. Howard asked Mark if he had to fight in prison. Mark said of course he did. He said he was in the holding tank and he was getting into it already. Howard asked if anyone tried to give him an ass raping. Mark said that didn't happen. Howard said he'd be blowing every guy in prison if he was in there.
Mark told Howard he was in the holding tank and some guys are going to prison for 20 years and some are going to trial. Mark said he was dressed up in dress shoes and nice clothes. He said his mom gave him some cigarettes and a lighter. He said he lit up and a kid came up to him and tried to light up for him. He said the guy took the lighter out of his hand and put the lighter in his pocket. Mark asked for the lighter back and then someone hit him from the side so he started fighting. He said the guards ripped him off and smashed him against the bars. He said he was driving from jail to going to Deer Island. He said the guy was telling him he was going to kill him. He said that the other guys were being aggressive. He said they got to the jail and grabbed his lighter. He said he got to the infirmary and when he was there two of his friends came in and brought him some Twinkies and stuff. He said that they asked if anything was going on and he told everyone everything was good. He said that needed it right there. He said he ended up in the cell with the guy who took his lighter. He said he was a new man and there was a guy who had breasts who was in protective custody. Mark said his cell mate ended up getting a blow job from the guy with breasts and he had to tell him not to do that in front of him. He said he did have a lot of friends in jail so he had some protection. He did have to fight some though.
Gary came in and told Howard that Mark had to get going. He was on his way over to the Today show. Howard said that Mark's new movie is ''Ted'' and Gary loved it. Howard read a note from Gary about how he almost pissed himself in the movie theater. Howard said that his guys know funny because they think he's funny. Howard said he's congratulating Mark ahead of time for this movie.
Mark said there's more of a story there than just him and the bear. He said that it would get boring if it was just him and the bear.
Howard gave Mark a plug for the GNC supplement line too. Howard said he would like to go to dinner with him again. Howard said Mark was weird with him at the wedding they were both at. Mark said maybe he had something going on with his wife. Howard said Mark is doing just fine and she's lucky to have him. Mark said he's lucky to have her. Howard said he thinks that Mark is fine at Nobu with him but not at a wedding where he'll be seen. Howard gave him some more plugs and then went to break.
Spider-Man, Superman And Paris Hilton Discussions. 05/07/07. 6:50am
Howard said he saw the greatest news over the weekend when Paris Hilton was sent to jail. He said that she showed up 20 minutes late for a court date. He said the judge was probably not going to give her any jail time until she showed up late. He said Paris is a retard and he has nothing against her. He said you can see that when she talks. He thinks that her parents are also in the ozone with her because they're on her side in this. He said that when you show up 20 minutes late it's like you're forcing the judge to do something. He said that she was posing for pictures before she went in and then in the court room she was laughing, talking and then claiming she didn't know she had a suspended license. He said it was the greatest story ever.
Howard read through the story about Paris getting sentenced to jail and how her mother asked the judge for his autograph after all of that. Howard said she basically forced the judge to give her jail time with her behavior. She apparently told the prosecutor that she has people who read her mail for her so she didn't read her suspension notice herself. Howard said she really does seem retarded. They call her a ''celebutard'' in the article.
Howard played an audio clip of Paris talking about how she was treated unfairly and how the sentence was ''cruel and unwanted'' instead of ''unwarranted.'' He figured she went home and shaved her pussy after that whole thing went down. Robin said she wished the sentence was that she had to come on this show and answer all of their questions.
Artie mentioned that he won a little money over the weekend when he bet on the Maywether fight. He said he had some money on that guy and won. Howard said he has no idea who any boxer is these days because no one seems to care about boxing these days. Now that Mike Tyson is gone it's like no one cares anymore. Artie said that there used to be so many great fighters years ago but these days there's not that many great fighters that are known. He thinks it kind of has to do with Don King's likeability these days. He said he used to go to fights with his father and it was always so great back then. He said it's a shame that it's not that good these days.
Howard took another call about the Spider-Man movie. The caller thought that the end of the movie wasn't all that great but it was okay. Another caller said the movie was a little disappointing at an Imax theater. He said the screen was actually too big but the movie was good. He kind of liked the ending of the movie because it leaves it open to future movies.
The caller was also wondering where the Venom thing came from and if it played out right in the movie. Howard said it did play out because the meteor came from space. He didn't want to give out all of the details of the movie so he didn't get into too many details. He said he had to go to break after that.
Paris Hilton And Other Various News Stories Discussed. 06/11/07. 7:45am
Howard talked about the Paris Hilton story after that. He said that she basically pissed in the face of the justice system. He said that when it came down to going to court after her probation violation, she showed up late. He said that she didn't take it seriously and the judge called her out on that. He said that they threw her in jail and she was supposed to stay there for 23 days. She freaked out, stopped eating and drinking because she didn't want to shit or piss on the jail toilet. He said that she was afraid of having her picture taken on the toilet or something like that. That led to the Sheriff releasing her early from jail.
Howard said that he doesn't take drunk driving lightly and that's what Paris had gotten into trouble over. He said that she might not be the most dangerous person in jail but it is a serious thing. Robin said that they've put her in the hospital part of prison because of the way she's been acting. She's coming across as crazy so far. Howard asked the guys if anyone is upset that she's in jail. Artie said he hopes that she's in jail for the next 20 years.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said that he's got sources who have told him that Paris is a big fan of the show. Howard said that's fine but what she's doing is shitting on the court system and it's just not right. Melrose said that he was outside of the courthouse on Saturday and he's supporting her. He said that she shouldn't be put in solitary confinement. Howard said they have to put her in there so the other inmates can't get to her. Dominic Barbara called in and said that this is nothing compared to what Nicole Richie is going to get for driving the wrong way on a highway while drunk. He said that she's probably going to get 3 or 6 months for what she did. Dominic said that he thinks that Paris could have gotten out if they had let her out on overpopulation problems.
Ralph called in and said that Paris was planning a party that night she got out of jail so that wasn't right either. Howard said that she should be in jail for life. Ralph asked if he saw the coverage of her getting taken to jail. Howard missed it but he had some audio clips from MSNBC where they cut away from a breaking story to go to this ''breaking story.'' They were doing a story about Peter Pace retiring when they broke in to talk about Paris Hilton's arrest. Howard laughed when he heard that clip because it's so ridiculous.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel had one of his guys at the press conference that Paris' people were holding. The guy yells out ''NOOOO!'' when he heard that Paris was being sent back to prison. He played that clip and said that they got credit for that even though it was Jimmy's guy. He played another clip from a news program where they commented on the yelling. Sheppard Smith pointed him out and asked if Stuttering John and ''Baba Booey, Baba Booey'' was up next.
Ralph said the picture of Paris crying in the back of the police car was great. He said ''fuck her.'' Howard talked about Paris' sister going to visit her sister in jail after not talking to her for years. Howard had to hang up on Ralph again because he wasn't making any sense today. Howard said he actually met Nikki Hilton one time at a party and tried to hook Ralph up with her but he wanted to hold out for her hotter sister. Artie said he loves Paris' face and thinks that's the type of face he just wants to fuck. He said he doesn't like her flat ass but that face is great to him. Howard said he thinks that she's losing her looks a bit these days though. He said he had to go to break after that but mentioned they had the guy from Maroon 5 coming in to perform a couple of songs later in the morning. Robin said the guy looks kind of gay but Howard said he's banged a lot of hot chicks from what he's read. They'll talk more about that when he comes in.
Ol' Dirty Bastard (Dirt McGirt) Comes In. 5/5/03. 8:05am
Rapper Ol' Dirty Bastard came in this morning to talk about his stay in prison and other stuff. Howard brought him in and said he was doing his show first before others. He said he brought Damon Dash from his record company with him. Robin said she almost didn't recognize him because he'd gained so much weight in prison. Howard said Ol' Dirty Bastard was calling himself Dirt McGirt and has a line of clothing out with that name on it. Howard said he wasn't even sure where to begin this morning. He noticed that he had diamond encrusted teeth and pointed that out. He quickly moved on to ask him about his weight gain also. ODB said he went up to 238 pounds from 170. He said he's going to stay big but ''...I'm gonna slim it out a little.'' Howard asked ODB about his stay in prison and what that was like. ODB said they had him locked up so even Get Smart couldn't find his way out. He said it feels great to be out of there because it was like hell in there. Howard asked ODB if any guys tried to make moves on him while he was in prison. ODB said ''Hell no!'' and laughed. He said he had to fight a few people while they were in there. Howard tried to talk more about stuff like that but this guy Damon wanted him to talk about the new music. Howard told him that he and ODB keep it real when he comes in and continued to talk about the prison thing. ODB kept saying that he's happy to be out of there because it was so bad. Howard asked him about his parole and all of the rules he has to go by now that he's out of prison. He said he's going to get to the studio and work on his next album. Damon said they should have something this week ready to play. Howard was trying to interview ODB but Damon kept interrupting him asking him to talk about the music. Howard gave ODB a plug for the web site they have set up for him at DirtMcGirt.com and told Damon to back off a little bit. Howard asked ODB about what kind of fun he's had since getting out of prison. ODB talked about how he wasn't able to have any fun at all in prison. Howard asked him how long it took him to get laid once he got out. ODB said he had a woman waiting for him right outside prison so he could get some. Howard said if it were him, he'd be banging right then instead of doing the interview. ODB just said ''Yeah....'' and Robin said he seemed to be thinking the same thing Howard was thinking.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked Damon to leave the studio so Howard could do his interview the way he wanted. Howard agreed but Damon said he didn't want them to just talk about negative stuff. He said he wanted them to talk about some positive stuff. Damon apologized to the woman after she complained. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and screeched out some stuff and asked ODB what's going on between him and Mariah Carey. Howard said that was a good question and asked ODB what was going on between them. ODB said they did a song together. Howard asked him if there was anything romantic going on there. ODB said she's ''good people'' and he got to hang out with her right after he got out of prison. Howard asked him if he ever thought about her while he was in prison. Damon said that she supported him like a real friend when he was in prison. ODB didn't really answer that one.
Gary came in and said that Damon is worth about $300 million and mentioned a few other things about him that were pretty interesting. He was dating Aaliyah at the time of her death and has dated Ananda Lewis as well. He didn't seem interested in talking about that stuff though. Howard asked him how you make that kind of money in the music business. He said he's also done some movies and stuff like that. Howard talked to him about the money thing for a short time and then took some more phone calls. He also gave ODB a plug for this live web chat he's doing tonight at 9:30 tonight. at DirtMcGirt.com. He told ODB he was happy he was finally out of prison and asked him what he has to do now. ODB said that he has to stay off of drugs and all of that negative stuff. Howard asked him what kind of drugs he was doing when he got in trouble. He said they were great but didn't want to say exactly what they were. Howard wished him luck and did the same for Damon. Damon said they'll send over the record on Wednesday for Howard to play. Howard told ODB that he thought they were trying to make an example out of ODB as far as the drug thing and that's why they treated him so harshly. He asked ODB a couple more questions about what he's going to do now that he's out of prison and then wrapped up the interview and went to break. He also found out that ODB wants to be known as Dirt McGirt from now on.
Angelo Martinez Calls In. 11/13/02. 9:35am
This guy Angelo Martinez called in to talk about how he was sent to prison for 17 years for a crime he didn't commit. Howard started off telling Angelo he feels sorry for him. He went on to tell the story as he knew it. Angelo was convicted with the murder of a 70 year old guy outside a bingo hall. The case was based on an eyewitness account and the eyewitness apparently had a grudge against him. Howard said that was strange to start off with. He went on to tell the story while Angelo's lawyer, Oscar, filled in the details. They talked about how a guy confessed to the crime years later but Angelo ended up doing some stuff in prison that got him more time even though he was let off on the murder charges. Angelo told Howard about some of the horrible things that happened to him while he was in prison. He was able to eventually get married three different times while he was in prison and that was the way he was able to get conjugal visits. He was sent to prison at the age of 19 and ended up marrying his high school sweetheart the last time he got married. He's now 36.
Angelo talked about being sent to solitary confinement for 4 straight years and how he's thinking of suing the state over the whole thing. His lawyer said they are going to sue for $50 million. He's been out of prison since July.
Howard took some phone calls for the guy and one person said he'll probably end up back in prison. He did have some other convictions before he was charged with the murder. Angelo doesn't seem to think that he'll end up back there even though that's pretty much all he knows at this time. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to him about the marriages he had and how excited he must have been to finally get out.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and said there's not a very good chance for them to win the $50 million case. He said the drug charges will really hurt him. Angelo's lawyer said there have been a couple of cases won in similar cases but they only awarded about $2 million. He added that those people didn't spend 17 years in prison. Howard wrapped up the interview and wished Angelo luck. He also told him to let them know what he's up to in the future.
Christian Slater Visits. 10/13/08. 7:05am
After the break we heard some prank calls that Sal and Richard made to Jonah Falcon's ''Talkin' Yankees'' show. Fred played some David Bowie ''Suffragette City'' as they were coming back. Howard came back and said that they had Christian Slater coming in to talk about his new TV show. He said that he looks like a star when he walks in. Gary then put the headphones on Christian's head and screwed up his hair.
Christian was chewing Nicorette gum so Howard asked him to spit that out. Christian said that he had been chewing that for like 3 years now.
Howard said that Christian and Doug Goodstein were in the hall hugging so he asked him what that was about. Christian said he met Doug out in Vegas a few years ago and they hung out there. He said that they met through Rob Jacobson. Howard said he knows what he's talking about then.
Howard asked Christian if he's bummed out that he has to do TV now. Christian said that he's having a great time with it. He said that he had to talk about being in the studio this morning though. He said that he's a huge fan of the show and he listens every day and has the whole set up going. He said it's very surreal for him to be there this morning.
Howard said he heard that Christian went to Scores one time and asked Lonnie to sit him in the same place that Howard goes to. Christian confirmed that. Howard said that he sees Christian out once in a while. Robin said that she's gone to see him in some plays and stuff too.
Howard asked Christian about how he memorizes lines and stuff. Christian said he'll download his lines to his iPod and listen to them on that.
Howard asked Christian about the chicks he's dating (Tamara Mellon). Christian interrupted him on that and congratulated him on his marriage. Howard said that Christian is dating this hot and successful chick. Christian said that she's a shoe maker. Robin asked if he's dating a cobbler. Christian laughed and said that she sits there with her hammer banging out the shoes. Howard said that she's actually the woman who created Jimmy Chu shoes.
Christian said that he met this woman on a blind date. He said that she could quite easily be worth much more than him. Christian said that he hasn't held on to his money, not one cent. Howard asked him if he signed a pre-nup in his marriage. Christian said of course he didn't. He said that he didn't think anything through.
Howard said that Christian has done some really crazy stuff in his life. He said that his ex-wife was the hottest girl he's ever seen. He said that he's seen her in leotards and stuff at the gym. Christian said that she was stunning. He said that the mother-in-law used to be a supermodel. Christian said that his ex is still incredibly hot as far as he knows. Howard wanted to know what went wrong there.
Christian said that his ex is a great woman and they made two great children. He said that marriage is tricky. He said that she was a phenomenal pain in the ass.
Howard said he read in the paper that Christian had a wild sex party at his house a while back. That's when he knew that he was having problems in his marriage. Howard said they had a stripper call into the show and tell them this story about Christian and his wife having the party. Howard said she said that he asked her to shave his back because he didn't want to ask his wife to do it.
Howard said that you want women to do weird stuff to you without having sex with them when you're having problems in your marriage. Christian said that he's had some strange things going on with his body hair and he even found one in his ear recently.
Howard asked Christian if he was finding monogamy tedious. Christian said that it's really not and he kind of likes being monogamous. Christian said that he thinks the issue was the foundation of the relationship. He said that he met her in rehab.
Howard asked if it was his first marriage and his last. Christian said that it was his first but he's not opposed to doing it again. He said he was sober when he got married so it wasn't about being wasted.
Howard asked Christian about how he met his wife. Christian said that he thought she was some kind of plant because she was so hot. He said that they were both in this rehab center and he was about 9 months in and she was a few weeks in. He figured he was ready to he wanted to see what could happen. They both had to go through the rehab stuff and there was no way he was going to wait until they were in rehab for a year before going for it. He said he had an instant connection with her.
Howard said that most of his audience is probably in rehab so they can relate to this stuff. Christian said that there were a lot of guys there at rehab who were into this chick so it was very competitive.
Howard said that Christian must have woken up and realized that they based their marriage on this attraction they had and it wasn't the love that they thought it was. Howard asked Christian if he can get laid in rehab. Christian said that you can't and he waited until after. Christian said that he thinks he got to second base with her and felt up her boobies there in rehab.
Howard said that Christian fell off the wagon pretty hard during the marriage because he realized he didn't want to be in it. Howard asked him if he hears Artie's stories and relates to them. Christian has done some really wild stuff while he's been wasted just like Artie has.
Christian said that he thinks he was in the midst of going through the divorce procedures when he was falling off the wagon and ended up getting tazered. Christian said he doesn't remember what that was like because he was so wasted at the time. Christian said that he took a leap from one roof to another roof when he was wasted and he's not even sure what he was doing at the time.
Christian said that he figured he could just give it a try and try to fly like Superman or something while he was high. Robin said that she's never been that high.
Artie said that he ran through a bunch of yards pool hopping one morning out in L.A. Christian said that's what he was doing too. Artie said that he was trying to get away from the cops though. Christian said that in the moment you think that it's fantastic while you're doing all of that stuff.
Artie said that heroin would be great if you stayed high the whole time. It's when you come down that it sucks. Howard asked the guys what the best drug to do is. Artie said that heroin is better. Christian didn't say which drug he thought was the best.
Christian said that the cops actually let him go after the tazering thing. Howard said that he doesn't have any good stories like that. He never did crazy stuff like that.
Howard said he thinks that Christian has these problems because of his relationship with his father. Howard asked him if he has been in contact with his father at all. Christian said that he hasn't spoken to his father in years. He said that he loves the guy but he's changed his name 8 or 9 times. He said that he liked some of the names like Byron Glendow and things like that. He said that his dad settled on Michael Degainsboro.
Howard asked Christian how he knows his father changed his name. He said that he's seen his name changes in his IMDB.com profile.
Howard asked Christian about being in jail and what that was like. He said it wasn't all that bad because he was pretty much all by himself. He said that it was almost like a release to be in jail. He said that he could write and read and have some time for himself. Christian said that he was in prison for one of those crazy nights he had. Christian said that it was just bad. He said that was the time they claimed he tried to grab the cop's gun out of his holster. Howard and Artie got a few laughs out of that. Artie told him that's a crazy thing to do. Howard told Christian that he should write a book about all of that stuff.
Christian said that he has maintained his name, unlike his father, and he needs to continue to work on that stability. Howard said that he likes that Christian is playing a guy in his new TV show that has two personalities. Howard said he's going to watch the show and he's hoping it's just half as crazy as his real life.
Howard said that Christian is kind of playing his own life because he almost is like this character. Howard asked Christian about the 52 year old woman who claims that he grabbed her ass. Christian said he doesn't remember that one either. He said that alcohol is just a bad thing. He said he's been sober 3 years as of October 29th. Christian said he doesn't miss it either.
Howard gave Christian some plugs for his new TV show ''My Own Worst Enemy'' that's starting tonight on NBC at 10. Howard asked him about the show and what it's all about. Christian said that he plays 2 people in a Jekyl and Hyde type of way. He said that the two personalities start to merge and learn about each other. He's kind of a CIA type of character.
Howard asked Christian how long it took him to get into the pants of the Jimmy Chu chick. Christian said that was a nice segue from the TV show into that. He didn't answer him on that though. Christian said that he's been with this chick for about a year now. He said they're both enjoying each other and not putting any pressure on each other. He didn't want to mention her age when he was asked about it.
Howard asked Christian if he's feeling pressure with this new TV show. Christian said he's really not. He said that NBC has been very supportive of the show and they're promoting the hell out of it. Howard asked if Mark Zucker come to the set and kiss his ass a lot. Christian said that they just let them do the show and leave them alone. Howard said he must feel that the show rests on him though. Christian said that at least he got there to the Stern Show. He said that this is the pinnacle.
Gary came in and said that Christian has to go, he has to do the Today show or something. Howard told Christian that he has to come back sometime when he has more time.
Hook Nose Mike called in and told Christian what a fan he is. He said that this interview is kind of rushed and he hopes that he does come back. He said it's great because Howard is telling Christian stories that he doesn't even remember. Christian said that he actually keeps a journal so he will have stuff for a book if he does write one. Howard told him to lock that up tight and not lose it.
Another caller asked Christian if he's ever had a dirty slut eat out his ass. Howard asked Christian if he has ever had that. Christian said ''Of course!'' Howard said he feels weird having a girl lick down there. Artie said that he's had that but he had to pay the chick to do it.
Another caller asked if Winona Ryder's mouth was big enough for him. Christian was being nice and didn't say anything all that revealing about her. Howard asked Christian if crazy chicks give the best sex. Christian said that they are great. He said he's having a great time now and Howard has no idea how great it is. Christian said that she's a wonderful woman and things feel great. Howard said he tells people what a great guy Christian is. Christian thanked him for that.
Howard said that he has to hang with Christian. He gets the good guy when he hangs with him and he has to get a hold of the other guy who parties. Howard said he has a great story to tell about Prince later on. He asked Christian to come back again sometime. Christian said that he loves the show and he listened to the stuff that they played last week with Artie's meltdown.
Howard asked Christian if Winona Ryder licked his ass. Christian didn't get to answer because he was laughing at Fred's juicy fart sounds. Howard said that this interview went too fast. Gary was telling him that they had to get him out of there.
Howard thanked Christian for coming in and said that they have to go out sometime. Christian said he heard that Rick's Cabaret is the new place. That's what Ronnie told him out in the elevator anyway. Howard told him that Ronnie is now known as Casanova Mund. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
In the clip Howard was talking to a caller about being locked up in jail with John Gotti. Howard asked the guy what he had done to get locked up. He said he was involved in an anti-trust case. Howard said that sounds pretty boring. The guy said that he killed 6 guys too.
Howard asked the caller about what it was like being around Gotti. The caller said that they treated him pretty good in there. He said that they would bring him stuff that he needed like towels in the morning.
The caller said that he killed a kid in prison who tried to give him crap. He said that some Muslim's got into it in there and he ended up in the hospital himself. Howard asked if Gotti can get laid in there. The caller said they used to have a scheme going on where they would bring women in. He said he's not sure if Gotti ever did it though. The caller said he never did any of that himself.
Howard said he's glad to see this guy is on the up and up now. Howard asked if he ever saw Gotit's penis. The caller said he never did. He said that guy is a big man though. Howard spent a little more time talking to the guy, who referred to himself as Junior, and then let him go.
Courtney Love Comes In. 03/22/04. 9:55am
During the news Courtney Love finally showed up so Howard could see what she was wearing. She managed to show up right as Robin was finishing up her news. Howard told her that she looked better this morning than she did on Letterman last week. She wanted to smoke a cigarette but the guys told her she's not allowed to smoke in there.
Howard and Courtney talked about her drug use many years ago ''back in the day'' with Kurt Cobain. She told Howard that she hasn't done anything in about 10 years.
Gary came in and pointed out the hickey that was on her neck. Howard asked her where it came from but she wasn't talking. She jokingly said that it was the homeless guy from the picture that was in the paper over the weekend. Gary told Howard that Courtney came in this morning after getting a ride in with a guy from the National Enquirer.
Howard said that Courtney's outfit was see through this morning. She said that's what she slept in. Howard noticed that her feet were dirty when she was showing him her feet.
Howard wanted to do a real interview with Courtney so he tried to calm her down and asked her about her past heroin abuse. She told Howard that she was the last person to lose her virginity in her peer group. She said one of the first times she had oral sex was with Ted Nugent. She said she was young and she didn't want to say exactly how old she was. It was a long time ago and she didn't even have breasts yet. She was only 12 and a half years old back then. She told Howard that she didn't have real sex until she was 18 but she admitted she was lying about 5 seconds later.
Courtney got sidetracked quickly and didn't want to talk about that stuff. She changed subjects and asked Howard to continue the fake interview. Howard wanted to look up her skirt but she didn't want to show him. Howard asked her if she's ever been to a psychiatrist and what he's told her. She said that he told her that she is ''ADT'' which, according to her, is like ADD for smart people. She said he did suggest a drug for her to take that would allow her to finish a sentence. She said if you want to be creative though, you can't take it.
Courtney got into her daughter's trust fund problems and how her money was stolen and put into about 40 different accounts. Howard wanted to talk about that but Courtney said that she was starting to sound like Lenny Bruce talking about money like that. Howard tried to find out more about her heroin use after that. She said she tried some way back and got sick taking it. She got back into it later and had a problem with it after that. Howard told Courtney that he had a problem with quaaludes when he was in college but both Courtney and Robin made fun of him about that addiction and how tough it must have been for him to get off of.
Howard asked Courtney about her night in jail last week. She was arrested after a show she did where a guy claimed to have been hit with a microphone stand. Courtney says she didn't even have a mike stand and she heard that this kid lied about his name and disappeared from the hospital after she was arrested. She also said that the guy told actress Natasha Leone that someone told him exactly what to do to get her in trouble after being offered $10,000.
Courtney was rambling about her court case about her the prescription drug use and how all of that went down. Howard had to cut her off during her rant after she ripped a microphone out of the stand. He had to take a break but Courtney was pissed that Howard was talking about her kid... but he hadn't said a word about her daughter. Howard told Robin to apologize for talking about her kid but she hadn't said anything about her either. Courtney ended up breaking down and crying saying that she didn't want Howard talking about her daughter. Howard wasn't talking about her daughter so he didn't know what she was talking about.
Courtney tried to explain what she was talking about but it still didn't make any sense to Howard. Fred played the music he played earlier in the show while Artie sang about all of the stuff that Courtney was talking about during the interview. Howard broke to commercial in the middle of one of Courtney's rants.
More With Courtney Love. 03/22/04. 10:30am
After taking a break Howard came back with Courtney who was still talking non-stop. Howard took a phone call for her from a woman who asked about what Sharon Osbourne said about her recently on her show. She apparently said that she would kill Courtney if she ever spoke to her son again. Courtney went on to talk about how Sharon is blaming her for her son's drug use and she had nothing to do with it.
Another woman called in and said that she wasn't able to get tickets for her show and she was crying as she was telling her how much she loves her. She hoped that Courtney would get her daughter back but Courtney told her that she has her daughter, she just can't sleep at her house or something like that.
Howard took a few more phone calls for Courtney but Courtney wouldn't let them say much before interrupting them. One woman called in and said that she was beaten up by a bouncer at her concert the other day. She said she put her drink on the stage and then got dragged away by the bouncer. Howard cut her off and took another call. A guy asked Courtney if she's holding anything back from Howard about her drug use in the past. She told the caller that she doesn't want to talk about everything with millions of people.
Howard asked Courtney if she's clean and doesn't have any STDs or anything like that. She said she is clean which is surprising because of all of her friends who used drugs out in the San Francisco area. Howard changed subjects and said that she looks more normal in person than she does when she's photographed. He said her lips look weird on TV and in pictures but they looked okay in person.
Courtney told Howard about her breast implants and how she had them at one time but now she doesn't... or she does, who knows, she was all over the place with that. A caller asked Courtney about the black guy who was suckling her in the pictures that were printed over the weekend. She said that it doesn't matter if he was black and she's slept with a black guy before. She didn't say who he was but did say something about him ''moving like a gazelle'' in the sport he played.
A guy called in and said he was at the club where Courtney allegedly hit someone with a mike stand. The guy said he did the sound there and it wasn't a mike stand, it was a tripod that hit the guy. Courtney denied it all of course. Another guy, Echo Man, called in and asked Courtney if she's ever done LSD. She said her father gave some to her when she was 4 but never finished the story. She couldn't stay focused and just kept changing subjects. She told Howard about going to a flower show with Martha Stewart one time and how cool she was.
A guy called in and defended Courtney about the mike stand thing. He said that she didn't do anything wrong. Howard also took a call from a guy saying he was Brad Pitt's brother, Stu, who said he was the one who gave her the hickey on her neck and now he's selling the gas mask he wore on eBay because her coochie smelled so bad.
Howard gave Courtney a plug for her album ''America's Sweetheart'' and tried to talk to her about that. He also asked to see her lift up her skirt so he could check out her hips. She did that for him and he said that it didn't look all that bad. Courtney said she's been working out trying to keep in shape. Courtney wanted to talk more about the album but Howard had to go. It was 10:50 in the morning and it was getting late. She was telling Howard about working on the album and all of the other girls in the band. Howard asked her what the best song was on the album. She told him to play ''Hold on to Me.'' He played some of that and let Courtney ramble for a couple more minutes. She said that she hopes that the FCC eventually leaves him alone. Howard said they will never leave him alone. She continued to talk so Howard had Artie do his song where he sings about all of the subjects that Courtney was talking about. It really was amazing how much stuff she talked about while she was there. Courtney liked what he was doing and got in on it and added some more stuff to the song. Courtney said that Howard had just introduced her to her soul mate (Artie). She went over to him and asked him to keep going. They were doing a duet with the rambling song. Howard let them keep going as he wrapped up the show. She was back by Artie in his area and she was apparently grinding him. It was insane but Howard had to end it because it was already 11 o'clock.
Lee Talks About Cutting His Fiancee's Head Off. 02/24/1995. 3:25pm
After the break Howard came back and said he had a dude on the phone from San Jose who says he killed his girlfriend. Howard said the guy is going on trial and he wanted to talk to them about what he did.
Howard asked the guy about being in prison and what that was like for him. The guy, Lee Newman, said that he had been in jail for over a year now. Lee said that he was laying tile for a union and he started messing around with cocaine and he'd go out and get smoked out and he'd be broke by the weekend. One night he said he smoked crack and cut his fiancee's head almost all the way off. Howard asked if he admits to doing it. The guy said he did but he wasn't in the right state of mind. Gary said the trial was about if he was out of his mind or if it was premeditated. Lee said that he was raised in a good family and he's not the kind of guy who would do this. He said he never thought about doing that before it happened. He said that they had just gotten done making love when he did it. He said the last thing he remembers was going to the shower and then rocking her in his arms. He said it sounds crazy but that's what he remembers. Howard said that's a pretty crazy story. He said that he was 27 and the girl was 32. The guy said that he was put on medication in prison and he was having nightmares and hearing all kinds of things.
Howard asked Lee what he used to cut the head off. He said it was a knife from what he was told. He said he went to the kitchen to get it while she was in the shower. He said that's what he thinks happened anyway. Howard asked where the head was when he was rocking her. He said he didn't remember. Gary asked the guy if he had been approached by anyone in jail for sex. Lee said that you sit in your cell for 24 hours a day and only get 3 hours a week out of the cell. Robin said she wouldn't want to live if she had killed someone. Lee said he can't bring her back and he can't say he didn't do it. He said he wasn't in the right state of mind at the time. Howard asked if he was arrested right away. He said he took off to San Francisco and went to her dad's office and went into the safe and stole $1,000. He went to San Francisco and came down off the drugs. He said that he got really paranoid when he'd see cops and stuff. He said he was going through the city and ran out of money. Then he went to the China district and asked for some cigarettes and stuff. He ran out of the store and stole them and as he was going down the street he hit another car that was turning. He took off and about 2 hours later the cops pulled him over for a broken light and that's when they found out who he was. Howard said he was doing a lot wrong this whole time. He said he was breaking every law he could. Lee said about 6 or 7 cops showed up and arrested him. He said it was about 2 days after that when they found out that he had killed his fiancee. He said that she was supposed to go to her father's office to work and she didn't show up.
Howard asked the guy how he wanted to die if he gets the death penalty. He said that he would probably let them choose. He said that he'll be there at least another year though. Howard and Robin asked if they could watch his execution. He said he would like them to do that if he does get the death penalty. Howard asked how soon they can make that happen because they want to see that happen. Lee looked at his calendar while Howard and Gary tried to figure out if they could do something like that. Lee said that it would be March 30th for the trial. He was running out of phone time so he got cut off around that point. Howard said that would be a good show seeing that guy executed.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about the guy and how he needs the OJ dream team to defend him. Howard asked the guys if they think they could cut someone's head off after doing crack and acid. Howard said he doesn't think he could do it. He said that anyone who does something like that must have the proclivity to do it even without the drugs.
Lee called back so Howard got back to him. Lee said sometimes he just makes random calls trying to get to someone. He said he'll just keep calling until he gets someone to pick up and talk to him. He has a woman in Alaska who he talks to. Howard said he was saying to Robin that it was probably always in Lee to cut off someone's head. Lee said that he wanted to be a doctor. He said he also wanted to be a dentist like his dad.
Howard asked Lee about his upcoming trial because he'd like to see his execution. Lee said it's going to be about a year. Lee asked Howard if he would sign an autograph for him. Howard said he has a real problem with what he did so he can't do that. He said he wouldn't feel right doing that. Howard said he'd send him Robin's head shot if he wanted that.
Howard asked Lee about cutting the girl's head off and if he remembers that. Lee said he really doesn't remember it. He said he doesn't even want to see the pictures or anything like that. Lee said his family and her family are really close too. Lee said he was having problems with drugs back then and the families thought they were going to be getting married in May. Lee said her parents were there with his parents and they actually hugged him. He said they asked him why he did what he did and he didn't know why.
Howard told Lee to stay in touch with them so they can keep up with what happens to him. Howard put him on hold and said he's going to work with him to make the execution happen faster. He said the guy just admitted to killing his fiancee.
Howard wanted to ask Lee another question but he had just hung up with Gary in the office. Howard went to break a short time later.
''Guess Who's Under House Arrest.'' 7/2/03. 7:35am
Howard said he was going to disqualify himself from this new game because he figured he knew the answer already. They had 3 people in the studio to play ''Guess Who's Under House Arrest'' and two of them, who were women, were holding hands. He figured it had to be the guy they had sitting there who was the guy under house arrest. Howard introduced everyone and then asked questions to find out who was actually the person under house arrest. First up was Joe who said he was arrested for assault and has been forced to be under house arrest. He said he's able to go to work and stuff like that. Howard moved on to the next contestant, Jodi, and asked her some questions. She said she's under house arrest because she was caught with 5 bags of heroin. She was in jail for a while and when she got out she got into some trouble. That's when she was put under house arrest. She said she had a warrant put out on her while she was in jail so she couldn't have been there to commit the crime. Jodi claimed that she'd been off heroin since February but the guys seemed to think that she was on something. She explained how the house arrest works before Howard moved on to Tina. Tina told Howard she was arrested for stealing cars. Howard interrupted her and asked if she'd stolen an Audi A8 like his new car. He spent a few seconds talking about how great the car is before letting Tina continue her story. She said she was part of a car theft group. She was arrested as an accomplice in the car theft ring. The guys figured that all of these people were criminals but they still had to figure out which one was actually under house arrest. Tina told Howard that they were able to make about a million bucks in 3 months.
Howard and the guys tried to figure out which one of these three people was actually under house arrest. Their stories started to fall apart after a few minutes. Joe and Jodi were talking about how their ankle bracelets beep and/or vibrate. Each of them had different stories so no one was sure what was true. Howard asked them to get more specific. The stories were falling apart even more which stumped Robin and Howard even more. None of them had a straight story. Howard said he believed that all three of them were involved in some type of criminal activity though. Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he thought it was Joe who was the criminal. Howard told the guy that Joe was the one who wasn't sure about the vibrating or beeping thing.
Howard went with Tina as being the person actually under house arrest. He figured that she knew the most about the ankle bracelet. Robin picked Jodi, Fred picked Jodi, Artie said he sort of knew one of the people so he didn't vote. Howard then had them reveal who was actually under house arrest. It turned out to be Jodi. Howard said Tina fooled him so he asked her about how she did it. She said she's an actress and read some news stories and asked Jodi about what it was actually like. Joe said he's a stand-up comedian, not a criminal. Howard spent a short time talking to Jodi about her drug habit. She said she was doing about 5 bags of heroin a day at her worst. She was spending about $50 a day. Jodi said she was grooming dogs during that time and would even take Ecstasy while she was doing the grooming. Howard and the guys asked her some other questions about her life and tried to figure out what happened to her to get her involved in drugs. She had a relatively normal life so Howard and the guys were kind of surprised by it all. She said she has about 2 months left of being under house arrest before she's done. Howard asked her what it was like being in prison with other women. She said there was no fighting or anything like that but there were some corrupt guards who would have sex with the inmates. It turns out Jodi isn't supposed to be there at the show. She said she turned the box off at home so it wouldn't go off. She said she really had to be on the show so she snuck out. Howard wondered why she didn't just ask her parole officer if she could be on the show. She said she did mention it and the parole officer said there's no way that would happen. She said if she breaks parole she could possibly be back in prison for another two years. Howard told her to get right back home before anyone finds out she's not home.
Howard said Tina the actress was a dancer at Doug Goodstein's bachelor party. She wasn't the one who Benjy performed oral sex on though. She said she knows that woman and Benjy didn't use a cookie wrapper like he said he did. Howard didn't get any dances from Tina at the party. She said he was busy with a petite chick that was there. Howard said Jodi was supposed to do a layout for Hustler magazine at one point but she never did it. Chaunce Hayden apparently hooked her up with that. Howard gave Jodi a couple of plugs as well. She was promoting S&J Limo in NJ and her lawyer Baldie in Patterson, NJ. Howard said Joe Picolli will be appearing at a couple of comedy clubs in the near future. He'll be at the Dancing Monkey and at the Dunellen Theater in the coming weeks. Tina also had a plug for the web site where you can book her for appearances. She can be found at DialADancer.com.
As Howard was wrapping up the segment a guy called in and said he didn't want to be on the air. He wanted to talk to Gary off the air about Jodi. Turns out it was her parole officer and he wanted to talk to Gary. Howard told the guy to take it easy on her because she doesn't have the best judgment. She said she couldn't believe he actually called in. Howard told her to come back when she gets out of prison in a couple of years. He also told her to offer the guy oral and to be very nice to him when she sees him. Howard wrapped it up right after that.
Today's Brush With the Law special was over around 10:45am.
In the clip Howard had David Crosby in the studio. Howard asked David about being in the band with Neil Young. David said that Neil was the driving force behind the band. He said he's a joy to work with. David said that he plays music all day long and he's very intense.
Howard said David looks great. Howard said he's the greatest white man that ever lived. He said he survived everything. Howard said that he made it further than Elvis did. Howard said he must be the genetically strongest man to ever live.
Howard said that he could never do the drugs that David did. Howard said he smoked hash when he was young. He said he wants to make sure he doesn't get in trouble so he's going to say he never did drugs at all. Howard said he smoked hash all morning with this girl and when he went near this girl she didn't want to be near him. He said he did a hit of acid that night and he didn't know that it was actually 4 hits. He said that the room didn't stop moving. He said that he had all kinds of hallucinations with that.
Howard said that he remembers David's picture on the Deja Vu album and he was always the best looking guy in the band. Howard told David he saw them not too long ago and they were great. Howard said he had Graham on the show and he performed a song on the show. David didn't believe he performed. Howard said he really did. Howard told Gary to bring the clips in. Howard said Graham digs the show. He got the clip and played that for David. Howard said he got punched in the face by Elaine Boosler's boyfriend that day.
Howard asked David about going to prison. He wondered if he was in solitary. David said he was in general population. He said he didn't want to be in solitary. He said they did just about shave his whole head though so that wasn't so cool. Howard said they shouldn't be able to do that. Howard said that hair is his thing.
Howard asked David if it's scarier being in jail or being with Steven Stills. David just laughed. Howard said that he has to get back to David after taking a break.
After an edited out break Howard came back and said that they sent Stuttering John to a signing once. David said that he was like a spy. Howard said that's not what it was. Howard said they sent John out to talk to David and John stuttered when trying to ask a question and the manager thought he was coked up. Howard said it was just John though so he wasn't coked up.
Howard brought up David's wife and how she's stuck with him through everything he's been through. Howard said now he'll make back the money he lost through touring. Howard said that the book is selling big. David said it is and so are the albums.
Howard said that he must have had Joanie Mitchell. David said she was his lady for about a year. Howard asked how she was in bed. David said Howard is a scuzzball. David laughed when he said it.
Howard talked to David about going to prison and how he didn't end up being someone's bitch. David said he made a lot of friends there. He said he had a lot of them and that's how you survive. He said you can't be a loner there.
Howard played some of David's album and said he'd play more after a break. David said he had to get going. He had to be somewhere. Howard said he's going to miss him. Howard and David talked about James Brown and his prison problems for a minute. Howard wrapped up after that.
Mel Gibson Interview Audio Clips. 10/12/06. 8:55am
Howard had some audio clips from the recent interview Mel Gibson did with Diane Sawyer. He started playing them and ended up complaining about how much he hates that guy. He was doing an impression of his monotone delivery and talking about what a phony he is.
In one segment Mel is talking about how he went to a movie screening with a friend of his and that he must have become overwrought that day. He talked about drinking some vodka and how he was impaired that night but it doesn't matter how much he actually drank.
Diane Sawyer had Mel talk about the moment when he went into his Jew tirade. Mel said that he didn't know that the cop was Jewish at the time, he found out later that he actually was. Howard was being driven nuts by Mel's whistling nose during the interview. He could hear it making noise with every breath he took. He said that people should be able to hear that on satellite unlike when they were back on terrestrial radio.
Howard continued to play the interview even though the nose whistling was driving him so nuts. Gibson tells Sawyer that he has no idea where his hate comes from but Howard figures it's from his father who is a raving lunatic. Howard did more of his impression of Mel and asked what that voice is that he puts on. The nose whistling was making him nuts so he gave up on those clips for now. He said he might play more later.
Dirty Cop Michael Dowd Visits. 03/07/06. 8:10am
Howard had Michael Dowd come in. Dowd is a former dirty cop who spent some time in jail. Howard said that he must have gotten a lot of crap when he was in prison. Dowd said he would get constant ''eye fuckin'' from the other prisoners. The other prisoners would make him feel very uncomfortable in there. Robin asked him if he had any friends in there. Michael said that there are a couple of brave guys who would talk to him.
Howard had some microphone problems so he asked for an engineer to come in and fix the microphones. They tried to fix it during the interview. Howard said that you can hear a lot of noise from the microphones. Gary said that he hasn't said anything to him off the air so nothing has been done to take care of the problem yet. Howard said he's been complaining about this a lot on the air so they should fix it. Gary doesn't hear the problem but Robin and Fred both said that they hear it.
Howard told Gary that he doesn't know the answer for what they need to do, they have to have the engineers figure all of that out. Gary said that he's going to handle it off the air. Sal went in Gary's office and got on his microphone and goofed on him a little bit. A few seconds later we heard Sal saying ''Owww, OUCH!'' as Gary was kicking him out of his office.
Howard got back to Michael Dowd and asked him how long he was a cop. Dowd said he was in there for 10 years and he became a dirty cop pretty much right away. He said he was asked to lie on a report for a friend so he did that. After that he would accept free drinks and pizza which is just a stepping stone for doing more stuff according to Dowd. Howard asked him when it really started to get bad. Dowd said that once you get comfortable with your surroundings you start to do more stuff. He said you see how the system works and then you want to start doing things differently. This was back in the 80's that he's talking about and things have changed a bit since then.
Dowd said that he wanted to make some extra money so he would do things that were kind of dirty. Howard wanted to hear about the sexy things that he did when he was a cop. Dowd said that he could get blow jobs in his radio car if he wanted. He would have friends who would do that stuff for him.
Dowd said that there was one burglary he went to and the woman told them that her mother kept in the house and actually stole that money to give to a partner who was pissed that he didn't steal $11,000 from a previous call they were on. Dowd said that this was probably the lowest thing he could have done.
Howard wondered how they ended up with him on the show today. Michael said he's working on a book and wanted to bring that up. He's also trying to get some stuff produced as a movie. Howard thought that Michael wouldn't be allowed to profit from his crimes but Michael said there was no crime. When Howard asked him about the money he stole, Dowd said that if he knew the name of the woman, he'd give her the money back. Howard said he's kind of confused by this interview so far.
Howard read that Michael would get blow jobs from prostitutes at lunch time when he was on the job. Michael said that those are the women who would give him oral in his car because he worked with them each day. Dowd said that the big thing he did was running a drug empire. He was also making money on car insurance scams.
Dowd said that he was making about $10,000 a week with the drug thing. Howard said he read that Dowd got caught because he forgot to pick up his regular cop paycheck. Dowd said that he didn't need that $500 check when he was making $10,000 a week. He wasn't a very good criminal. He ended up doing time for 12 years and he regrets everything he did. He said he upset his family with all of that and he's not happy about that.
Howard read that Michael and his partner used to swap wives and stuff like that as well. Michael said that he the partner also helped to get him convicted. Michael said he and his partner were split up for a while. Dowd went to rehab for a while and he ended up with another partner in another precinct. He told Howard that he eventually got caught and sent to prison where he ended up going nuts from being in protective custody.
Howard said that Michael was a tough interview. There was more to his story but they just couldn't get it out of him. Gary came in and tried to help by bringing up some of the stuff he read about him in his notes. Dowd said that he doesn't have all that much money now and he's back living with his parents. He makes money doing some carpentry and from the literary agent that he's working with.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he used to be a cop and never did anything crooked like this guy did. Dowd said that's why that guy is still a cop. Gary asked Michael if he did work for the mob when he was in. Michael said that the mob was involved in the car insurance scam he was involved with.
Dowd said that most cops aren't dirty like he was. Howard took a call from a guy who said that this guy ruined the whole NYPD when he got caught doing this stuff. The caller said that he hopes that this guy got ass raped in jail. Dowd apologized to him and said that he didn't get ass raped. He said he served his time for 12 years so anyone who doesn't like that can go fuck themselves. The caller said that the guy doesn't deserve the money he could make from selling a book. Dowd and the caller went back and forth for a short time. The caller asked Michael how his parents didn't realize what was going on with him. He said he used to tell them that he was making good moves selling houses and flipping them for good money.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that this kind of guy is the reason that the young gang bangers out there think that all cops are dirty and they should be allowed to kill them. Benjy saw a note about how Michael was paid $4,000 a month for phone sex. Michael said that was true and she just sent him the money each month. Benjy was wondering if he's trying to cover something else up by saying that's where the money actually came from. Michael said that wasn't the case. He said he couldn't turn down that money even though he had another woman on the side.
Howard took a call from another guy who said that this guy is a scumbag. He said that he's a cop in the city and this guy really did ruin it for all of the cops in the city by doing what he did. They're constantly being watched and it's because of this guy. Dowd said that this all went down back in 1992 so he's not sure why he's taking the blame for what's been going on in the department since then.
Rev. Bob Levy called in and asked the guy if he still has his gun so he can blow his own head off. Levy said that he has a lot of friends who are cops and this is a bunch of bullshit. He didn't sound to thrilled with this interview.
Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later. Dowd apologized to the guys who were complaining about how tough their jobs have become because of him. He said he just wants to go on with his life and put that stuff behind him. Howard went to break a short time later.
Caller Who Wanted To Kill His Step Daughter. 3/28/97. 9:40am
This guy called in to get some advice from Howard. He says that he's really upset with his 16 year old daughter because she let him down. She stayed out all night with her black boyfriend the other night and now the guy is upset. Howard talked with the guy for quite some time and eventually found out that the guy is attracted to the girl. The guy doesn't know what he's going to do to her but he knows that he's dangerous. Howard told the guy that he should get the hell out of the house for a couple of weeks to let things settle down. Howard even talked to the 16 year old and told her to leave the house right away. The girl seemed to take it seriously but who knows what will happen. Some people called in and told Howard that he should call the cops on the guy. Howard had the guy on hold so Gary picked up the phone and got some information out of him so they could send the proper authorities to his house.
Crazy Guy Caller Discussed. 04/09/1997. 6:40am
After the break Howard came back while Fred had some Marilyn Manson stuff playing. Fred wasn't sure which album it was off of but the song was ''Angel with Scabbed Wings.'' Howard took a call a short time later and the woman asked about something that happened on the show a couple of weeks ago. A guy called in and said he wanted to have sex with his step daughter. Howard said that guy just sent them a letter. He dug it out of his pile of stuff and read through it.
The guy wrote that his mother-in-law was listening to the show. His wife also heard it and then his step-daughter took Howard's advice and left the house. She went to the police station and stayed there all day. The guy says that he had to take some drastic measures and had to leave the house. Howard said the guy thinks that Howard would have the same problem as he was having if he had a hot step daughter running around his house. Howard said that guy was talking about wanting to kill his step daughter so that was kind if extreme.
Howard said that the guy was amazed by what Howard discovered about him when he was questioning him on the phone a couple of weeks ago. Howard said they were able to help that girl get out of the house and away from that guy so that's what counts.
In the clip Howard had Gary come in to talk about why he was arrested. Howard said he looks kind of like he could be mistaken for a scumbag. Howard said the cops have to be more thorough when they arrest people. He said Gary was in the subway on his way to a date. Gary said he was just going to a movie with a friend. He said it wasn't a date. Howard said that Gary was walking down the subway. He was wearing jeans, sneakers and a football jacket. Howard said he remembers when he hired him at NBC he looked kind of shady. Howard said he isn't sure why he thought that but he looked shady. He said maybe it's the moustache or the hair. Howard said Gary looks like a juvenile delinquent. Howard said he has cheap teeth and that dumb stare.
Howard said Gary is a real honest guy. He said he'd trust him with just about anything. Howard said he would even let him take money out of his wallet for him. He said he's almost shamefully honest. Howard said Gary has tears welling up now.
Howard said the cops were down there catching people jumping turnstiles. Howard said Gary went to put the money in the turnstile but it was jammed. He said Gary pushed his coin into the slot to unjam it. Howard said he thinks the cops are jamming the things to see what people do. Gary said this was 5:30 in the evening so it was crowded. Gary said he put his token in and it was jammed. Gary said this is a special turnstile that he should be able to get through it anyway. Gary said he went through it because it was empty. He said the turnstile turned and he got through. Gary said he went through and the token didn't go in. He said that's when the cop grabbed him.
Gary said he had the token and the cop told him it was too late. He said they were very nice but they wouldn't listen to what he had to say. Howard said Gary had the token in his hand and he was trying to jam the thing in. Gary said other people were trying to get through that one too.
Gary said the cops were undercover. He said one guy tried pushing him into a bathroom and he asked to see their badges. He said they brought him into this bathroom and the place was filled with the dregs of society. He said they were all handcuffed together in a daisy chain. Gary said one person was a Columbian woman. He said there were others who didn't have ID. He said the Columbian had an ID card for a video club. He said there were other people who didn't have ID. Howard said he would fall apart if he was stuck in there.
Gary said that he lost it and told them who he was. He said that they put the cuffs on him anyway. Gary said one of the cops said that he looked really familiar. Gary said he asked if he ever listens to the Howard Stern Show and the guy said ''Nope, that ain't it.''
Howard said Gary does look like he could be trouble. Howard said he has to go out and get a lawyer now. Howard said this hangs over your head until you get it settled. He said he has to get a lawyer and go through all of that. Howard said they should pay people to ride that awful subway. Gary said they say that this could be a year in jail. Gary said he has the ticket with him there. It was listed as Fare Evasion. Gary said that he doesn't want this on his record. Howard read what it said and how he had manipulated the wheel. Robin said he'll have to say that he had a brush with the law if he fills out an application.
Howard said he didn't know Gary was this kind of person and he shouldn't have hired him. Howard said it does sound like he did something weird. Gary said he was just trying to get through the turnstile. He said the token was jammed in there. Howard said he doesn't think that he can win with the description on the ticket. Jackie asked what he should have done. Howard said you can't talk to anyone down there. He said they won't listen or help.
Robin asked what they did with him after that. Gary said they detained him for about an hour and then let him go home. Gary said the Columbian woman wanted to go to the bathroom but he told her to just wait. He said he was cuffed to her so he would have had to go in there with her.
Howard asked who his lawyer is. Gary said he has one but he doesn't want his name given out. He said he had the same thing happen to him. Howard said Dominic Barbara might be the guy they need.
Jackie said he got arrested once and got transported in a van that has bars in it. He said he was cuffed to two guys. He said one of the guys got in and before the door closed he had a pin that he unlocked his cuffs with.
Gary said the Columbian was asking if they were going to hang out with real murderers and stuff. Howard said he once had the same thing that Jackie talked about. Howard said they were caught going 115 miles per hour in Upstate New York. He said the cops were like Andy of Mayberry. Howard said one of the guys was brought into a garage and they were told to get as much money as they could get. Howard said they thought the friend was dead. Howard said they had to pan handle to get money for gas at a Howard Johnson's. He said they were doing something wrong but this was in college and he didn't know the driver was on speed. Robin asked if they were yelling at the guy to slow down. Howard said they did but he was on speed. He was trying to pull the hair out of his head.
The 46th Annual Howard Stern Birthday Show. 1/21/00. 6am-7am
The first big guest to call in was Scott Weiland of Stone Temple Pilots. Scott told Howard about his experiences in rehab. He told Howard that he's been working with the band while under some kind of rehab/jail where they allow him to go out on a work-out. The band is together and Scott said they'd stop by the show when they're in New York in the next few weeks. Howard thinks that Scott will be back in heroin within 3 months. Scott told Howard how he got caught with heroin in New York the last time he was there. He blew his probation at the time and was sent to prison for a while. He said he was sober this morning and feeling good. Howard told him that next time he feels like taking heroin he should just smoke some pot and drink himself to sleep. That way he won't go to jail.
Howard's Mailbag. 3/20/00. 8:45am
Howard had a letter from an inmate that he read this morning. The inmate who wanted to remain nameless, said that he's in a high security prison in a sex offenders area. He said they don't have access to any sexual material because of that. They don't get any porn or movies with sexual situations in them. The one thing that they do get is Howard's Saturday night show. So this guy had a bunch of suggestions for the show and how to make it sexier for the prisoners. He suggested things like
Henry Hill Checks In. 1/20/98. 7:00am
Ex-mobster turned stool pigeon, Henry Hill, was just released from jail so he called in to talk with Howard. Last time Henry came on the show live he forgot to tell his parole officer that he was leaving the state he lives in. That violated his parole so he was arrested in New Jersey at his hotel. Ever since then he was in jail. He was just released so he can call Howard whenever he wants to. Today he was just calling to let Howard know what was going on. Henry has cleaned himself up, he's not doing drugs and it didn't sound like he was drinking. He said that his girlfriend is in jail right now for skipping out on some drug and alcohol program she was in. Other than that there wasn't much else going on. Hopefully he'll start calling in drunk since he's much more entertaining that way.
In the clip Robin was reading about a prisoner who cut off his own penis. Robin said that he said that it was god's will. Then he flushed it down the toilet and went to a class in the prison and pretended nothing happened. Another inmate noticed the blood so they took him to the hospital. The guards found the penis in the waste water system in the prison. They were able to recover it and sent it to the hospital.
Howard and the guys were goofing around talking about the penis being found in the sewage and what the guards must have done with it. Robin said the guy never gave any signs that he wanted to hurt himself. Howard talked about what the guards must have said when they went home and talked about their day. Howard said he would make the guy go search for his own penis.
In the clip Howard told Robin about a letter he got from a prisoner who is in love with her. Howard read the letter to her and the guy said he's ''in love you.'' Howard read about how he likes to look at her and thinks that she's sexy. Howard told Robin that this guy wants to marry her. He asked for a picture of her. He said he loves her hour glass figure. Howard said the guy is from Philadelphia and he would love to come to New York to go out with her. Howard said the only thing holding him back is being in prison.
Howard said that he loves her ''big breast'' and ''big heiny'' too. Howard said that he loved that line. Howard said the guy asked her to respond and send some pictures along with it. He said the guy's name is Reggie and he asked her to write back.
Howard said they hear what he's saying and who knows, miracles can happen. Robin told him to hold his breath while he waits for her to respond.
Mammary Lane - Pee Wee Arrested - July 29, 1991. 03/18/10. 7:20am
Next up we heard Jon and Gary introducing a segment where Howard and the guys talked about Pee Wee Herman getting busted for jerking off in a movie theater. Billy West was doing his ''Red'' impression during that segment. Gary explained where Billy got that impression from. It was a guy featured in some old prank call tapes they used to play on the show. This segment was from July 29, 1991. Here's a quick rundown:
In the clip Howard was talking about Pee Wee Herman getting busted in a movie theater for jerking off. They talked about the kind of theater he was in and how it wasn't the first time he's gotten into trouble.
Howard read the article about the arrest. He said they caught him masturbating during an adult movie. Howard wondered why he wouldn't just do that at home. Pee Wee was staying with his parents at the tine so Howard figured that's why he wasn't doing it at home.
Howard asked where Red was. Billy West came in a short time later doing his ''Red'' character. Red was talking about Pee Wee and what was going on with that case. He was joking about the whole thing and had Howard laughing at him.
Howard said they could call the theater to find out what kind of movies they play there. He dialed the number and got the pre-recorded message where they run down the list of movies. They threw in some Pee Wee sound clips as they were listening to that. Billy was also doing his Pee Wee impression throwing in a few lines too. The message ended with a beep so they figured it was an answering machine. Billy left a message as Red and gave them a hard time about the beating off in the movie.
Howard said Red came in there shot out of a cannon. Howard said it was weird with Pee Wee. He said that he's kind of like Suzanne Somers who could have just stuck to her role on her TV show but she had to go out and do other things. Howard said he doesn't get masturbating in public like Pee Wee did. Howard said that's weird. He said it's weird that the cops still go to the theaters and bust people too.
Howard talked about how they could have had Pee Wee on the show but they weren't able to talk to him as both Paul Reubens and Pee Wee. It had to be one or the other.
Howard talked about some article he was reading about going into a new market and how strange the review was. He said that they wrote it up based on one show. That led to Red getting all upset and going off on the reporter.
Howard read another article about Pee Wee where they gave the details of his arrest. Howard said they had arrested a few other people that night too.
Howard played some Pee Wee show clips and made a jerking off sound as it was playing. They wrapped up a short time later.
Bradley Cooper Visits. 11/14/12. 6:50am
Howard said they sent Medicated Pete to the Exxxotica Expo and he ended up in a cage and things like that. Howard said he had some chick electrocuting his penis. Howard said Pete when into the bathroom to take a piss and he had his microphone on. Howard said he was listening to his Tourette's while he peed and it's wild. Howard played the clip and Pete was making all kinds of noises while he was trying to pee. Howard said he thinks he gets off on peeing. Howard said it sounds gross when he's peeing but he let the clip play. Howard said you have to hear the end of it. After Pete peed and snorted during the whole thing you hear Pete moaning. Howard said he feels for that dude. He said he's tortured.
Howard said Bradley Cooper should fuck Holly Petraeus. Howard said that she feels so bad about herself that she needs that. Bradley came in while Howard was talking about that. He said his wife wishes that he was in the shower with him. Howard said they were talking about Bradley and how he was named the sexiest man in the world. Howard said that must be great when you get something like that. Howard said he would never get named anything like that. Howard said he was in a furniture store trying to buy a chair and this gorgeous girl was in the store. He said he spotted her and he figured she'd never want him. Howard said she came running up to him and said she would give him her number only if he promised to call her. Howard said this was long before he was married of course. Howard said it felt so powerful. He said Bradley must feel that all the time. Bradley said it doesn't happen. He said he swears to god it does not happen. Howard said he's shocked.
Howard asked if he had plastic surgery when he was 15. Bradley said he had a glass lamp fall on his face when he was 15. He said he had blood all over and it could have made a mess. Howard said if he had a face that was destroyed he could have had no career. Bradley said he was very lucky and the lamp smashed his face to the left. He said it was one of those green glass lawyer lamp shades. He said that he grew up in Philly and the house was over 100 years old. He said his parents bought this antique lamp and they still feel guilty about the lamp falling. He said it was hung up over his bed and it fell on his face. He said he remembers walking into the kitchen and his mom started screaming. He said that his grandfather grabbed his head and put it under his elbow and drove him to the hospital. He said it was really crazy.
Howard said Bradley grew up wealthy and he had a big, beautiful home. Howard said it caused him shame. Bradley said it was the opposite. He said he didn't really think about it. He said then he went to a private school and he felt embarrassed that they didn't have enough when he saw what the other kids had. He said he grew up amazing so that was just a crazy thought. He said your priorities are just out of whack. He said he got arrested at 15 and he was kind of proud of that. He said that's how out of whack he was.
Bradley said he was arrested for underage drinking. He said he couldn't get his license for 2 years after that. He said that one of the cool kids was kind of belligerent and they had him handcuffed. He said that he was thinking about all of the wrong shit. He said the other kid was drinking from the cop's coffee cup. He said his parents came in with their Lhasa Apso dog saying that their son doesn't drink.
Howard said he would have shit his pants if he was arrested. Howard said his friends used to play a game to see how much they could shoplift. Howard said he only stole something once in his life. He said he stole a tie tack. He said he felt so guilty and he thinks he went and put it back. Howard said his cousin was with him and he knew it was wrong. He said his friends ended up getting arrested that day. He said he figured that God was watching out for him. Howard said it would have been the end if he had been caught. Bradley said his father would have killed him if he did that.
Bradley said he was at a Wawa once. He said that's like a 7 Eleven. He said that his friends pocketed some stuff and two of the guys got caught. He said that he was about to piss himself. He said that the woman started blaming him and he didn't have anything. They choked his pockets and he didn't have anything. He said all of his friends got caught and they wanted him to testify that they didn't do it. He said he got black listed from his friends. Bradley said that this was a private school and the other parents asked him to lie to protect their kids. He said his father laid into a guy when he asked him to do that. He said he was so glad he didn't have to go to court and lie.
In the clip Howard was reading an article about this guy Lee Elmore Newman who had called into the show and told them how he had cut his fiancee's head off. Howard said that the cops in the area of the murder were listening in. Howard read about how authorities at the jail weren't able to figure out if he was the actual person making the call. Howard figured they'd keep a log of who made calls. Howard read more of the article where they gave more details about what the guy said and how he had revealed details that fit the case.
Howard said that they say Tom Chiusano will cooperate with giving tape of the interview but only if they have a subpoena. Howard said the guy admits guilt so he's not sure what the deal is. He read more and they say that Lee talked about how some of the details were made up. They say that he had a good relationship with the girl's family but that's apparently not true.
Howard read about how the girl was found dead. Her neck was nearly severed and she was stabbed. Howard said the girl's father wasn't available for comment. Howard read about Lee's offer to let them come watch his execution. Howard said that he thought that was a joke.
Gary came in and told Howard that they had Lee on the phone. Lee was on the line so Howard asked if he caught a lot of crap. Lee said they took his Walkman so he can't listen to the show anymore. Howard asked why that was. Lee said that's why he's calling in. He said he called the show to get Howard and Robin's autograph. He said that he was just talking to them about his case and he has nothing to hide.
Howard said they were also saying that he doesn't get along with the girl's parents. Lee said that's just not true. He said he was trying to get his life together and he was trying to get clean. He said Deborah was trying to stay clean too. He said her dad and her didn't get along either at times. Howard said that Lee cut her head off though. He said it's time to pay the piper. Howard said getting pissed off at the prosecutor isn't right. He said that's the guy's job.
Lee said that they took his Walkman because you're not allowed to have a radio in there. Howard said it is prison so he has to understand that. He said he chopped off someone's head. Howard said he has to talk sense to him. Robin said it's good he's locked up. Just listen to him.
Howard said calling the show isn't that bad of a thing. He said that he helped their case actually. Howard asked what that noise was that he heard. Lee said that was the toilet in the next cell. Howard asked if they have toilets in every cell. Lee said they do. Lee was telling someone not to push the phone or it'll go out. Howard said he wouldn't yell at anyone about that in there.
Howard asked Lee if he has a problem with them giving a tape to the D.A. Lee said that's fine. He said he hasn't said anything to Howard that he hasn't said before.
Howard asked Lee what else happened that day. Lee told Howard that he had robbed a friend's house and his girlfriend, Debra, was mad at him. He said she threw him out of the house. Howard said he's not following why he showered there at her parent's house. Lee said he was afraid that the cops could creep up and arrest him.
Howard asked Lee about what else happened. Lee said he stayed in a couple of hotels and he was high the whole time. He said that he had gotten into a fight with Debra and she called the cops on him. He said he wasn't mad at her for doing that though. Lee told Howard that he didn't want to go to jail.
Howard asked who he ended up at her house to cut her head off. Lee said that this guy he was staying with stopped breathing. He said he came to a while later but he was acting all schitzo. Howard said this guy has some life. Howard asked how he ended up at Debra's house. Lee said he called her at work and said he was leaving for Canada. He said Debra wanted to see him before he went. Lee said he was just going to go but she wanted to see him so he went to her place. He said they went to Denny's for dinner and then she asked him to come home.
Howard wondered how he passed high school with the grammar he has. Lee said that's from hanging out with the brothers. Lee said that Debra told him to come back and sneak in through a side window at the house. He said he did that and stayed there for 3 or 4 more days. He said he was getting high while she was at work. He said he was doing acid and getting totally wasted. He said she was against it because she had a little kid.
Robin asked how he got the drugs. Lee said he still had money. He said he had 6 grand to go through. He said he had to leave the house when the kid came over. He said that Bucky might tell the neighbors about what was going on. Lee said that she told her friend at the office what was going on. Howard went over his story and asked what set him off. Howard said she was at work. Lee said he was staying in a back bedroom trying to hide. Lee said that they had made love and he was smoking that stuff. He said he had taken acid before she came home. He said that she knew what he was doing. He said she wanted him to turn himself in. Lee was interrupted at that point and he said he'd call back. Howard said he has to find out why he killed her so he should take a break. Robin said they might have to wait.
Howard said he wants to know what his reason is for killing her. He said he knows he'll have some reason. Robin said he'll blame the drugs.
Howard had Lee back on the phone. Lee said someone was calling him. He said he's in there for a drive by shooting. Howard asked if he's being hassled in there. Lee said he's not.
Howard asked what happened next. Lee said that Debra was helping him out keeping him hidden. He said he wanted to go to Canada but she wanted him to stay around. They told him he was looking at 4 years in prison. Lee said he got so strung out and he was going to go to Canada. Howard asked how he killed the girl. Lee said he was going to kill himself but then he killed her. Howard said that's not a good ending to the story. Howard asked if he did it at night. Lee said it was during the day but he can't even remember. He said he was so out of it. Lee said that she came home and she knew he had been smoking. Howard asked if she got mad at him for that. Lee said she got like she usually gets. Lee said that he wasn't agitated with her though. He said he was going to go back down to San Jose and talk about their options. Lee said they were making love and she had spoken to Bucky that day. He said they were supposed to go take a shower and then he blanked out. Lee said they were both naked when he cut her head off. He said that the last thing he remembers is being in the bedroom. Howard said he has no excuse. Howard said something must have set it off. lee said she did nothing and said nothing out of the ordinary. Howard said maybe they had a suicide pact. Lee said it wasn't that at all.
Howard asked if he remembers getting a knife. Lee said he doesn't. He said he just remembers being in the bedroom. Howard said maybe he was afraid that if he left that she'd be with some other dude. Lee said it wasn't that either. He said she didn't want him to go to Canada. Robin said she got her wish. Howard said there had to be something that set him off.
Lee said that he had to make a decision. He could go to Canada or do 4 years in prison. He said he remembers rocking her and couldn't believe what had happened. Howard said they have to be there when they kill him. Robin said he's not being tried on the death penalty. Howard said if they do end up trying him for the death penalty they have to go to the execution.
Lee asked to talk to Gary again. Howard put Lee on hold and let him go. Robin said now they can subpoena another tape. Howard said he sounded more normal the other day. He said he has a lot of details in there that don't lead anywhere. Gary said that Lee asked him for his autograph. He said he must be really lonely.
In the clip Gary told Howard that Joey Buttafuoco was on the phone from jail. Howard said that Jackie has been spending time with his wife Mary Jo. Joey said he was wondering why his kids were calling him dad.
Howard said that Mary Jo got breast implants. Joey said that's what he heard. He said that he hasn't seen them yet.
Howard said Geraldo Rivera says that he would box him. Joey said that he can't entertain any of that from jail. Howard asked if he has any sexual outlet in there. Joey said he has some TV he can watch. He said he enjoyed Howard's book too. He said Howard tells it like it is and that's why he's a loyal fan and a listener. He said that's why he calls the show.
Howard asked when he gets out of jail. Joey said that he has 30 more days. Howard said he can fight then. Joey said he can't entertain that yet. He said if anything happens he'll announce it on Howard's show.
Howard asked Joey about what it's like with the other inmates. Joey said he hears so many stories in there. He said he hears guys sharing notes about killing people and things like that.
Howard said he saw Amy Fisher on TV last night and they were saying that she's writing her own lesbian love letters.
Howard said that Joey is lucky to have Dominic Barbara with him. He said he's a great lawyer. Howard said he'll be playing cards with him on Sunday night. Joey said that he will be there in spirit.
Joey had to hang up because he was about to lose the connection. He said he'd call back in a few minutes. Howard said he had more questions for Joey but he has to wait for him to call back. They went through some more questions for Joey while they waited. Howard said that it was weird that he wouldn't talk about Mary Jo's implants.
Joey called back so Howard got him back on and asked what else he had to tell them. Joey said that he heard Dick Cavet call in earlier. Robin said that she read that they want some people to pay for their own jail time. Robin said that they're calling that the Joey Buttafuoco law. Joey said if he doesn't pay maybe they'll let him go home early.
Howard asked Joey if he works out in the cell. Joey said that's what he's been doing. He said the food they serve is really bad. He said he still has to eat that stuff so he can't talk about it too much. Howard asked what he had for dinner last night. Joey said that half of the food is soap. Howard asked if they have their own bathroom. Joey said he mops 3 times a day to clean his bathroom. He said he likes to live clean so that's why he does that. Howard said it sounds like college. He said that's the way he lived in college.
Joey said that he has autographed about 150 books there in prison. He said that everyone is cool. Howard asked if he has trained any birds in there. Joey said there are some there so he thought about it. Howard said he should take up painting. He can paint like John Wayne Gacy. Joey said they'll take them and analyze them so he doesn't need that.
Howard asked how they sleep in there. Joey said he has a mattress the size of a heating pad and they're metal bunk beds. Howard asked if he has had any sexual relations with himself at all. Joey said he hasn't. Joey said he wants to save some things for when he gets out of there. He said he'll tell him when he comes on the show.
Howard wished him luck with everything. Howard said that he has a good time when he's on the show. Joey said that he has no ills toward anyone. Howard let him go a short time later.
Today's Brush With the Law was over around 10:45am.
OJ Simpson And Claus Von Bulow Discussions. 12/08/08. 6:00am
Howard started off the show talking about how Artie's mom takes care of him. He said that she's already calling JD to let him know what to get Artie for Christmas since he got him in the Secret Santa thing. Artie said he told his mother that he hopes she told him some stuff that's around 3 bucks because that's all JD can afford.
Howard said they have a busy schedule today. They have William Shatner, Denny Somach and Akon coming in today. Howard said they have Denny coming in to talk about where John Lennon is buried because apparently people don't know where that is.
Howard said he's been busy working on the show over the weekend. He said that's what he does on his Friday's off. Artie laughed at that.
Howard said that Claus Von Bulow is upset that his wife is dead now. She was in a coma for over 30 years. Howard said there are a few people there who are in a coma as well. Fred said that didn't take long and pointed out that Howard has insulted him just a few seconds into the show. Howard said he didn't know Fred was awake. Howard said maybe Claus could have woken up his wife if he had insulted her.
Howard asked if it's legal to have sex with your wife when she's in a coma. Robin said you must have some rights as a husband. Howard said he'd be having sex with Beth if she was in a coma. He said that he's going to do that as long as she's not decomposing.
Howard read an article about Claus Von Bulow and what's going on with him. Howard said they claim that his tears were faked and he had some audio of that. Howard looked for that clip and found some OJ Simpson stuff instead. JD came in and told Howard that it was actually a clip of OJ's lawyer trying to get OJ less time by talking about the Civil War. Howard played that and only got through about 30 seconds when he asked if it was going anywhere. JD said that he eventually gets to a point where they ask for the judge to give him mercy.
Howard said he was reading the paper and there was an article about bosses who are successful even when they don't listen to their employees. Howard read through that and said that he could have been in that study himself. The article said that many bosses are like that.
Howard said that Scott the Engineer was on the Wrap Up Show complaining that he's not buying them gifts there. Howard said that he isn't Scott's employer so he doesn't have to buy anyone anything. Howard said they asked Scott if he was buying his interns gifts and Scott said that he doesn't do that because he's not their boss. Howard welcomed Scott to the club. Scott came in and said that the interns work for the company and not for him. Howard said that's the same for him. He said that he works for the company and he's not Scott's boss.
Scott said he's fine with him not getting him a gift. Howard said that Scott should buy him a gift to show him how much he appreciates him. Howard said he's going to get Scott a wig for Christmas and make him wear it for a month.
Howard got back to the OJ Simpson stuff and talked more about his sentencing. Artie said that he thinks he might know where that lawyer was going with the Civil War thing. He asked if he was right but Robin didn't think that's what the guy was going for.
In the clip Howard was talking about this case where a guy was raped by another man and he ended up beating the crap out of the guy who raped him. He ended up getting 15 years in prison. Howard was asking the guys in the studio how long they thought he should have gotten. Some of them thought it should be years and Fred thought it should just be a parking ticket.
Rapper 50 Cent Comes In. 2/12/03. 7:20am
Rapper 50 Cent came in to promote his album ''Get Rich Or Die Trying'' today. Howard played his hit song ''In Da Club'' as he came in. Howard said that 50 Cent is on Eminem's record label. 50 Cent told Howard that someone sent a demo tape to Eminem and got signed to a deal.
50 Cent was shot 9 times so Howard spent some time talking to him about that. He said it happened one time but it was 9 shots. He showed Howard the scar on his face. The guy who shot him was out to kill him but just didn't finish the job. Robin asked him what happened and how he missed. He said a guy ran up to his car from another car and shot it. 50 Cent said that the guy who shot him died when someone did the same thing to him. When Howard asked him if he shot the guy, 50 Cent just laughed and said he's a rap star, he wouldn't do that.
Robin said she was walking down the hall earlier and 50 Cent's bodyguards were glaring at her out in the hall. She said hello to them but they didn't say a word. 50 Cent said they don't pay attention to who's who. Stuttering John said the same thing happened to him. He said hello to them also and they just stared at him. Howard asked 50 Cent if that's the image he has to have being a rap star. 50 Cent said he'd have the guys move if Robin is afraid to walk past them. Robin said she just doesn't want the guys staring at her like that.
Howard and 50 Cent spent a little while talking about his love life and how great his career is going right now. He said he got a chick recently that looked like Apalonia. He said he's getting treated really well by hot women since he's so hot right now. Howard said some of his interns are really excited about him being there. One of the interns came in and said she was a fan of his. Howard asked her if she'd want to sleep with him. She said she didn't know about that but she might want to go to lunch with him or something. Howard got back to the story he was telling about the Apalonia looking chick. 50 Cent said that he doesn't even remember her name and he only banged her once.
Gary came in and asked him about a $65,000 signing bonus he got when he signed with Columbia. He had to give $60,000 of it to other people and he said he used the other $5000 to buy crack.
Howard played tape of an interview he did with Ja Rule. There were some things written about 50 Cent and a friend of his who robbed Ja Rule that Howard talked to him about. 50 Cent told Howard he didn't have anything to do with that and explained what happened. 50 Cent explained to Howard what happened there and how he was chased with a miniature baseball bat. He's been stabbed a couple of times too so Howard and Robin talked to him about that. 50 Cent told Howard that trouble finds him and follows him around.
Howard took some phone calls for 50 Cent and let some people talk to him. After that Howard plugged his album and played a little more of his song ''In Da Club.'' Howard said 50 Cent is now out on tour so they talked about that for a minute. Howard took a call from a woman who wondered what level of education this guy had. He said he got his GED while he was in jail. She said that they didn't teach him the difference between singular and plural. He told her to just get off the phone. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to him about what life was like in prison. They also talked about his family and how he was raised by his grand parents. He said his mother was killed when he was 8 years old and he never knew his father. Howard asked 50 Cent what crack is like but 50 Cent said that he didn't do it, he just sold it. Howard ended the interview a couple minutes later.
After the break Howard said that they're going to have James Brown's daughter Peaches on tomorrow. Robin wondered if she's one of the kids that's suing James. Gary told Howard that she's one that he refuses to recognize and she's writing a book about it and has a web site set up for it.
Howard played a new Raymond Norman message. This is the guy who sent Howard messages about Oprah Winfrey being the ''Negro woman from the South'' a while back. Today he was backing up the President and all of his people in his ''Lets Keep It Real'' segment. Howard said he loves this guy. Raymond also goes off on Martin Bashir who did the interview with Michael Jackson recently. He bad mouthed Bashir and called him as ''The English nig*er.'' He played a segment from the Jackson interview in his recording. You could barely hear it because of the poor recording quality. Howard wondered who his ''audience'' was. The guys figured it's just them.
In the clip Howard said he had this guy there who calls himself Peaches. He claims to be the lover of Rev. Jim Bakker.
Howard said that Peaches doesn't look like a ''peaches'' being as big as he is. Peaches explained where he got the name from. He said Jim gave him the nickname. Howard asked why that is. Peaches said that Jim would get him peach yogurt from the commissary and that's how he got the name.
Howard asked Peaches how he got to jail. Peaches said he was doing drugs and drinking. He said he's sober now. Peaches also told Howard how he was ripping off people doing a scam with Western Union. Howard said that's pretty amazing and he could have put those talents to other uses. Peaches said he did that too. He said he started confessing to someone at Western Union. He said he got into AA and met a guy who was his sponsor in AA. He said that guy is dead from AIDS now. He said he would confess to him too and he had to go on the run eventually. Peaches said his sponsor ended up squealing on him to the FBI.
Howard moved on to the prison discussion and said that it must have been tough for him. Peaches told Howard about where his case was tried and how all of that went. He said he hear that Jim Bakker was there so he figured he should hook up with him in prison. He said trying to get into his pants wasn't as easy as ripping off Western Union.
Peaches told Howard that he gave Jim some extra pancakes at breakfast in prison. He said Jim became a star there because he would make speeches for an anti-smoking thing they did there. He said he legally wasn't allowed to preach but he was able to talk about smoking.
Howard asked Peaches whose idea it was to have the smoking class. Peaches told Howard about who came up with that idea. Howard asked how he got Jim interested in him. Peaches said he was treated like a student in the class. He said people would call him a fag and things like that. He said he felt really bad and Jim followed him into the bathroom one day.
Howard asked Peaches about what he would wear in prison. Peaches said the clothes they had weren't so bad. He said they were able to wear regular clothes in there. He said that Jim would wear jeans. Peaches said he came into the bathroom that day and they hugged. He said they grabbed each other and Jim didn't resist. He said Jim may have been getting a boner. He said they started kissing on the cheek after that. Jackie started making puking sounds as Peaches was talking about that.
Peaches said that Jim was very petite in every way. He said he was petite in the pants too. Howard asked if they went all the way. Peaches said there was oral sex. Peaches said he was the giver.
Howard asked how long this went on. Peaches said he eventually got paroled. He said he was there about a year and he got out. He said they did it about twice because it was hard to get into that bathroom to do something like that.
Howard asked if Peaches was afraid of the AIDS virus. Peaches said he was but not from Jim. He said he felt safe with him.
Howard asked Peaches about staying in touch with Jim. Peaches said he hasn't stayed in touch. He said he can't get back in touch with him.
Howard said he thinks that Fred might go into the bathroom with Peaches. Robin asked what Peaches sees himself doing. Peaches said he'd like to do comedy on TV or something. He said he thinks of himself as a comedian. He said he could be another Mark Harris. He said he and Mark could do a show together called Gold Diggers. Howard thanked Peaches for coming in and let him go a short time later.
In the clip Robin read a story about singer GG Allin defecating on stage during a show. Allin and the other members of the band ate the feces and threw some of it at the crowd. Robin said the authorities were saying that it was a very disturbing situation.
Howard told Fred to play the sound effects for him while he goes through the story. He was talking about how GG broke a bottle over his head first. Fred played the glass breaking sound. Howard said that he then goes and defecates on the stage. Fred played a shitting sound. Howard said then he eats it and throws it at the crowd. Fred played a bunch of sound effects for that stuff and then played Jackie singing ''Flies'' as the band playing.
Fran Drescher was sitting in so she was commenting on the story. Robin said there is video tape of this incident. Robin said that they have been charged with exposing themselves. Robin said they said that GG's arrest record shows he's been arrested about 50-60 times. Robin said he's had incidents similar to this as well.
Fran was wondering where Ann Arbor was. She had no idea it was in Michigan. Howard read a story about how he had inserted bananas up his anus at a show once. Robin said that he also ripped off a woman's glasses and stomped on them. The wrapped up a short time later.
Riley Martin Calls From Jail Again. 6/23/99. 7:05am
Alien abductee Riley Martin called in from jail once again today. He was arrested 23 days ago on drug charges and remains there awaiting a trial date. He called in a last week to explain what happened and to ask for help getting out of jail. Today he's gotten a lawyer and he's still looking for financial help. Riley is really angry that Howard won't help him even though the lawyer he got was a result of him doing the show last week. Riley just needs $1000 to get out on bail but Howard's not going to help him. Howard took a bunch of phone calls from people who said they'd help but they quickly turned on Riley and called him names. That pissed Riley off even more but he'd take it out on Howard for some reason. There were a couple of people who called in and said that they'd bail him out if they worked for them. The first person hung up when Riley agreed to it but the second guy may just work out. The guy said he'd keep his eye on Riley 24 hours a day if he puts up the money. Riley was fine with that though.
Pro Wrestler Who May Become A Serial Killer. 4/25/97. 10:25am
Howard got this phone call late in the show. The guy on the phone said that he beats his girlfriend and he wants to kill other women. He said that he hates women in general. Howard asked this guy a bunch of questions to see if he could get him to turn himself in to the police. The guy told Howard that he is a professional wrestler. He also gave a bunch of other information that may help identify him. The guy told Howard that he lives in New Jersey and a bunch of other things that may lead to him being turned in. We may hear more about this if anyone discovers who he is. I'll let you know if they talk more about this.
In the clip Robin read a story about this guy who was in NAMBLA and was arrested for molesting a young boy. Robin read about what the guy did when he was in court and Howard wanted to hear the audio of the guy trying to justify what he did. Robin said maybe they can get the transcript of the conversation. Howard said he has a NAMBLA tape actually.
Howard had tape of a guy from NAMBLA in an answering machine message. Howard played that and talked about how creepy the guy's voice sounds. Howard goofed on that for a short time. Robin said they need support meetings there.
Gary said there are a few guys there who are really proud of what they do. Howard said that there's a great protester who hates those guys. Howard said that stuff is pretty wild. Howard said the one thing he can't understand is why they name their chapter the Horatio Alger chapter. Howard said he's not sure if Horatio was a boy lover. He said he was a real guy who was a rags to riches kind of guy. Howard said he'd like to know their rationale for using his name. Howard told Gary to go research that for him.
The following is my rundown from 1997:
Howard's Web Site Visit For Today. 6/19/97. 9:45am
During the news Howard got on the subject of the North American Man Boy Love Association (NAMBLA). He told Gary to go do some research on it but then remembered that he now has a T1 line for his web browsing so he decided to search for NAMBLA himself. The first site he went to was nambla.com but it was under construction. Gary called over the intercom from his office that NAMBLA has a web site under nambla.org URL so Howard took a look. Gary said that there's some very disturbing stuff on the site. The whole organization is disturbing. It's for men who make love to little kids.
Ex-Dell Dude Ben Curtis Comes In. 06/17/04. 7:25am
Howard said they have Ben Curtis, the ''dude'' from the Dell Computer advertisements, in to talk about how he blew his contract with them. The kid came in and Howard asked him if he was from the area. He said he's not and it might be someone else that his mother was talking about.
Ben told Howard about how he got the job to do the commercials. He said that he was told they were looking for a young kid that would appeal to audiences. It was a very vague casting call. He did the commercials and didn't get paid all that much but once the commercials were begin played a lot, he started to get a lot of residual checks. Then he got signed to a contract to do even more commercials. The first contract was worth ''a few thousand.'' The commercials got even more popular so they were going to sign him to a $500,000 contract to do a few more commercials... Then he got arrested and blew the whole deal.
Ben told Howard that he was at a party when he got busted for having weed on him. He and a friend were smoking some weed and he called a delivery service to bring over some more. The delivery guy brought over like 3 grams of weed for him and he was spending about $50 on the stuff. There were two cab drivers in the area and it turned out that they were Narc's. They jumped out of the cabs and arrested him. He was wearing a kilt at the time and he realized that he was going to jail in New York state.
Ben was handcuffed in a wheelchair at a mental ward because he bought some pot for a friend. He said that when he walked into the police station they saw that he was wearing the kilt and knew that he'd get the crap beaten out of him so they put him in his own cell. He only spent 18 hours in jail for the weed but he said that he was only supposed to get a ticket.
Ben lost his deal with Dell after that and everything was canceled. He said that he got a movie deal right after that. He says it may have been the best thing that happened to him. Now he's a spokesperson for GamezNFlix.com.
Howard said that Dell should have stuck up for this kid after that because he was a good kid and buying pot isn't that big of a deal. He said if he was buying kiddie porn or something, that might get him fired. He said that sponsors are really weird. He talked about how McDonalds stopped advertising on his show because they thought he was a bad influence for children. Meanwhile they're selling food that makes kids fat. He said you should watch the movie ''Super Size Me'' to see what McDonalds is up to.
Howard let some phone callers through after that. One guy asked Ben if he can get chicks because of the commercials. Ben said things were definitely better after the commercials. Howard wondered if he was able to get celebrities after that. He said that he was able to get a lot of chicks. You just have to get on TV and you can get chicks according to Ben.
Howard gave Ben a plug for this short film ''Racoon''(AlsoRanFilms.com) that he's appearing in. Ben said that it's a movie about the Vietnam war and a kid who gets drafted. He took a couple more phone calls after that and gave him a couple more plugs for the movies he's in. He was going to go to break but he started to talk about this reporter he talked about yesterday who wrote an article about him and approached him at a party the other day. He went off on the guy on the air and now he's written another article about him. He said he'd talk about that after the break.
Heidi Fleiss And Her Boyfriend Tom Sizemore Come In. 1/14/02. 7:30am
Former Madam Heidi Fleiss and her actor boyfriend Tom Sizemore came in to talk to Howard. Howard wanted to find out how Heidi hooked up with Tom so he went through her history going to jail and how she met Tom after getting out of jail. Heidi said they ''bonded'' right away and have been together ever since. Howard spent a few minutes talking to them about their relationship before giving them some plugs for their stuff. Tom is appearing in the movie ''Black Hawk Down'' which is in theaters now. He's also in the FX cable network movie ''Sins of the Father.'' Heidi has put out a DVD called ''Sex Tips with Heidi Fleiss (2001)'' which is also available now at Laugh.com. Howard played a short clip from the DVD and wrapped up the interview.
in the clip Howard took a call from a guy who said he was busted for drugs in another country and had to go to jail for it. He shared that story and then Howard told Robin that Brian from the TV crew was busted for pot and he had to go to court for that yesterday. Robin said she was wondering why he was in a suit.
Howard had Brian come in to talk about that. Brian was smoking a joint outside a bar when he was busted. Howard had him sit down in the studio to talk about his bust. Howard said the drinking wasn't enough for him. Brian said that he was smoking when the cops came by and busted him. He got out an hour later and went out and smoked more. Brian said he didn't go back to the bar. He was at a friend's house.
Howard asked Brian why he would do such a thing. Brian said there's an unwritten law that says you don't get arrested for something like that. Brian said he was nervous at first but then he was fine. He said that he was a little nervous in jail.
Howard said he hopes it was good weed. Brian said it was great. Robin asked what happened in court. Brian said he got a dismissal. He said as long as nothing goes wrong in 6 months he'll be fine. He said he went 29 years without a problem so hopefully he'll be fine.
Howard said Brian has a picture in jail. Brian said one of the officers took the shot. Howard saw someone he recognized in the photo but he didn't say who it was. Howard said he didn't think they busted anyone for pot anymore.
Gary told Howard there was another guy in the cell with Brian. He said the cops came down and asked the guy if he had committed a murder. Brian said he was a Spanish guy sleeping on the floor. They had him take his hat off and they asked him if he was the guy who killed someone. The guy said that he couldn't believe he was busted again. Brian said he couldn't believe he was busted for smoking pot and he was in a cell with a murderer.
Brian said he was only in there for 3 hours. He said the murder guy wasn't going to get out. Howard said that Jackie has been busted a bunch of times. He was going to ask him about that but his microphone was broken so he gave up.
In the clip Robin was reading a story in the news about John Wayne Gacy's death. She had details of his last meal and things like that. He had fired chicken and French fries with a cola. Howard asked about the lethal injection and how they actually rub you with alcohol so they don't get an infection even though they're killing the guy. Robin told Howard what she knows about the lethal injection. She said they did have a problem with one of the lines so he lasted 20 minutes. Robin said it took a long time to kill him. Robin said it should be pretty much immediate.
Robin said John's last words basically said that he didn't do anything wrong and putting him to death wasn't justice at all. Howard said it seems like such a gentle way to kill someone. He said that someone should have punched him in the balls at least.
Howard had some audio of an interview someone did with Gacy. He played that clip and said he likes the way they produced this with an announcer doing the questions even though you know he didn't actually interview the guy.
Robin had some audio of the officials from the prison talking about the death and the problems they had with the lethal injection.
Howard said he wished that the coroner was a gay necrophiliac so he'd be molested and raped after his death. Robin said maybe he would have enjoyed that. Howard said no one would enjoy that. Howard said that's not the right way to kill someone. He said they should have done something more to upset the guy. He said they should have messed up his clown make up or something like that.
Robin said this was the first involuntary execution in a long time in Illinois. Howard said that he admitted guilt and then became innocent.
Howard played more of the interview audio where the phony announcer guy asks Gacy questions. Howard goofed on that for a couple of minutes.
Gary Coleman Interview Clips Played. 03/02/10. 7:35am
Howard said he had the Gary Coleman tape to play. He said there wasn't much to say about it. He said Gary was on the show The Insider and they were asking him why he had been arrested. In the clip they were asking Gary about the mug shot and why he had been arrested. Gary was angry and said that he was hating being there. He said it was pure hate and he didn't need to be there and didn't know why he was. The interviewers asked why his wife called the police. Gary said he didn't know why and said that she went into her room and locked herself in there. Gary told the interviewers said that he was too madly in love with her to leave her.
Howard said it was getting good. There was more to it though. He played a clip where Gary was going off on women saying that they're the ones who cause these problems. Gary said that women make the men look bad and said that they think that it's the man's problem. The woman who was interviewing him was yelling at Gary and going off on him about whatever it was that was going on.
In another clip Gary was telling the interviewer about his pent up frustrations and how he's sick of hearing about Haiti. He was going off on tangents during the interview that had nothing to do with him. The interviewers said that Haiti is out neighbor so we're going to help. Gary said that they need to help out people in our own country before other countries.
Howard played more of the clip where they were asking Gary if he's still a virgin. Gary said he is married so of course not. They also asked him if he thinks about taking his own life. Gary said of course he does. The interviewers said they never think about that. Gary said he still thinks about it and he still has that depression.
Howard said that kid is good television. He said he eventually walks off the set of the show. Howard said that from what he hears his wife has the 9 and 1 dialed on the phone all the time so she just has to hit 1. He played the clip where Gary Coleman gets fed up and just walks out of the interview. Gary was talking about how he doesn't do anything to his wife. They were hounding him about that stuff and Gary wasn't denying the questions. Gary said that they can all go fuck themselves. He told them to do that and they asked if that's the kind of anger that leads to his wife calling 9-1-1. Gary said that she's pushing his buttons and he's just going to leave.
Howard said he has to side with Gary in that. He said that Gary answered the question 50 times and he thinks that this woman was trying to get Gary to hit her. Howard said she asked him the question and he said ''no'' and she kept asking it over and over.
In the clip Howard took a call from Todd Bridges who was telling him about how he got arrested. He told Howard his side of the story. Todd said he got punched in the face and he ended up chasing him. Todd said he was in an arcade and some guy punched him.
Todd said that he's running two men's sober living places now. Howard said that's the great part of being a former addict. He said you can run something like that. Todd said he may have a deal with a network for a TV series too. He said he can't tell him where that's at right now though.
Howard told Todd to film it inside Dionne Warwick's nostrils. Al Rosenberg was sitting in and doing his Dionne Warwick impression.
Howard told Todd to stay away from the arcades. He asked if he's getting any white women. Todd said he's married. He said he got married last Sunday. Howard asked if it was to Gary Coleman. Howard asked if she's white or black. Todd said that she's a woman, that's all that counts. Howard said that means she's white. He said that all black guys will say that if you ask if the woman is black or white and they have a white woman.
Howard said that this is such a secretive marriage. He said that he hopes to see him soon. He wished him luck with his case and his show. Howard let him go and Al Rosenberg kept goofing around with that voice talking about how Todd is now appearing in a line up near you.
In the clip Robin read the story about this woman who drowned while performing oral under water. Howard said it's not even good under water. Robin said that this guy held her under while he did this and that led to her drowning. Howard said she should have grabbed his gonads and squeezed or something. Robin said she doesn't know what happened. She said that the guy held her head down and she stopped moving. Robin said that he released her and she didn't get up. That's when he realized she was dead. Robin said that the guy got dressed and drove away. Robin said that the guy told his counsel that he has nightmares about the incident. He has broken out in boils from it as well. Robin said that they are hoping the judge takes it easy on the guy because of that.
Howard said they read an article about holding a woman's head down there and they don't like that. Howard said you have to let them do it on their own. Robin said that maybe you shouldn't do that when you're in that situation.
Robin read a story about how laxative pranks are becoming popular. Howard said they're very dangerous. Howard said he knew a guy in Roosevelt who had his lunch stolen every day. The guy's brother put ex-lax in tin foil and made it look like chocolate. The guy stole the lunch and he crapped for 4 days straight. Howard said he wished that the guy had died because he was such a creep.
Robin said she worked in a hospital and people's lunches would get stolen all the time. Robin said the nurses got sick of that and they held a party for the doctors. They had some lemonade made for them and used a laxative in there. Robin said that they were in the middle of operating and they had to leave. Robin said that wasn't in her area. Howard said he's never seen Robin's area.
Robin read the news story about a student who gave laxatives in ice cream to another student. Robin said they have set trial for this person. Robin said that she's not sure why this student laced the ice cream with laxatives.
Daniele's Prison Rape Story. 4/14/00. 6:30am
This woman Daniele called in this morning to tell Howard about her prison rape. Because of Daniele's masculine sounding voice Howard didn't believe that she was a woman. He thought that she was a female impersonator or something. Daniele says that she's a hot looking 38 year old but Howard found that hard to believe also. She says she's 5 foot 11 and weighs only 128 pounds. She was calling in to tell her story of being raped while she was in prison on drug charges. She said she got 3 years for cultivating marijuana and while she was in there one of the male guards raped her 5 times in a 32 day period of time. She said that 9 other women were also raped. She just recently won a lawsuit against the guard and he's now doing 10 years for the rapes. She told Howard how she was first raped in the shower after hearing another woman raped in a stall near hers. She was also hand cuffed to a bed in her room and raped. There was another time that she was raped in a freight elevator. Then there was a time she was raped in a storage closet. She said she was awarded $55,000 for all of this but hasn't seen a cent yet.
Before Daniele left Howard told her that if he had the rights to her story he'd cast a guy to play her part and have his deep voiced announcer, Paul Turner, dub in the voice. After she got off the phone Fred went into his Herman Munster voice pretending to play the part of Daniele. Howard said it was the funniest thing he's heard.
In the clip Robin was reading about how David Berkowitz (Son of Sam) spends his time in prison. Robin said that everyone is afraid of him in prison. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about that story and goofing on Berkowitz. Howard said that people are writing fan mail to the guy. Robin said that a lot of women are asking him to marry them. Robin said it's incredible to her. She said he's a maniac and now he's a celebrity. Howard said he's kind of like him but he never hurt anyone.
Howard said the guy looks healthy enough to stand trial and be electrocuted. Robin said the fellow inmates are intimidated by this guy. Howard said they should give him a fair trial and then kill him. Robin said she's not sure why they're housing these people. Howard said they don't have the death penalty there so that's why they don't put any of these people to death.
Howard said he hates that guy Berkowitz. He said he's just sitting there smiling. Howard said they get the best food there in prison too. Robin said they do look pretty healthy. Howard said next thing you know he'll be in a Cyndi Lauper music video on MTV. He sang a little ''Mass Murderers Just Want To Have Fun.''
Craig Gass And Tommy Chong Visit. 08/14/06. 8:40am
After the break Howard was listening to a prank call John the Stutterer did to an internet relay operator one time. He also wanted to play Big Foot Mark's cover of ''Hotel California'' for Artie since he had missed it earlier in the morning. Artie heard the first few notes of the song and started laughing. He said it sounds like himself drunk at an Eagles concert.
Howard also played Big Foot's prank call that he played earlier. Howard and Artie got a few laughs from that replay. Howard said that guy is a disaster. Artie said it was like they struck gold when that guy walked in last week.
Craig Gass was sitting in so Howard gave him some plugs for some gigs he had coming up and for his web site IHateComedians.com. He quickly moved on to Tommy Chong who was there to promote his book ''The I Chong : Meditations from the Joint.'' (Doing signings at a Barnes and Nobel in New York City tonight and at Bookends in Ridgewood NJ tomorrow.)
Howard said he read the book and got really pissed about how Tommy was sent to prison for 9 months just because he was selling bongs. It was as if the government was trying to set an example and used Tommy to make a point. Tommy said that George W. is probably back to doing coke now that he's in office. He said his father was probably a coke head as well. He said he once saw George Sr. brush his nose off when he was asked about drugs when he was debating Clinton one time. Howard said they might have to lock Tommy up again if he believes that.
Howard read that Tommy once heard that Ronald Reagan smoked weed. Tommy said that one of Reagan's speech writers was in prison with him and he told him that Ronnie did smoke up. Howard got back to Tommy's book and said that one of the things that stuck out was about how Tommy had taken Salsa lessons to learn how to dance for his wife. She went off to learn before he did and when Tommy saw her dancing with another man, it upset him so much that he had to learn to dance for her. Craig, doing his Sam Kinison voice, yelled out ''That fucking whore!'' during that discussion.
Tommy talked about his first night in prison and how rough that was. He told Howard about his wife's salsa dancing and how the people look each other in the eyes while they're dancing. He said you have to connect to the person you dance with so you know what's going to happen next. He said that watching his wife dancing made him very jealous and he didn't know he was that kind of guy.
Howard talked to Tommy about his jail time. Tommy said he thought the whole thing was going to be kind of a joke but they threatened to go after his son and wife if he didn't give in and take all of the responsibility on himself. Tommy said there was only like one guy with a cardboard sign standing outside of the court that day. Howard said there should have been a riot before the sentencing and he should have lead that riot because it is ridiculous that Tommy went to jail for so long for something like that.
Howard got back to the salsa dancing thing and said that Tommy thinks that the dance could solve many problems in the world if everyone just danced.
Howard asked Tommy if he's out of the bong business. Tommy said he still makes little pipes but not the bongs. Howard asked him if he's nuts. Tommy said that the pipes are just for tobacco. He said he doesn't smoke anymore himself. The last time he smoked up was with Tom Green. He said he did a podcast with Tom and after the show he took him back to a back room in his apartment and smoked up with him. Tommy said he quit smoking because he's got some bronchiolar problems.
Howard asked Tommy what it's like when the Feds invade his home and look for bongs. Tommy said it was like a joke when it first happened. He said he saw them outside that day and he thought they looked like they were a bunch of guys dressed up for Halloween. He said they were milling around and yelling it was a raid but he just opened up the door and let them in. They had to clear each room so that was kind of funny. He said they had FOX news there and helicopters flying around and it was all set up from what he was saying.
Tommy said that they did all of this over a bong. He said it was one big publicity stunt. He was told he wouldn't need a lawyer or anything because he wasn't under arrest at the time. Meanwhile they were taking his computers and looking for weapons in his house. He said that if he had any weapons he could have gone to jail for 5 years even if it was a pellet gun or a BB gun. Any weapon involved with a drug bust would lead to him doing 5 years in prison.
Howard gave Tommy some plugs for his book and some of the book signings he's doing over the next couple of days. Tommy was saying that he found out who his real friends were after getting arrested. Craig said he opened up for Tommy one time and learned that one of the first times Tommy did a show he only had 5 minutes of material so that's what he did. When Tommy got off stage the club owner asked him what he was doing so he explained he only had 5 minutes of material. The guy told him to get back up on stage so Tommy did the same five minutes and got a second standing ovation.
Tommy talked about how he got high with George Harrison years ago and had him on one side and Wally from Leave it to Beaver on the other side of him. He said he's smoked with just about all of the Beatles. He told Howard about hanging out with Jimi Hendrix as well.
Howard asked Tommy if he's getting along with Cheech Marin now. Tommy said that they're still not talking all that much. He said that Cheech has a treatment for a play he wants to do and he thinks he got the idea after he wrote a script for ''Up in Smoke: The Play'' which was inspired by the movie ''Spamalot.'' Tommy said Cheech never really added a lot to the script writing process.
Craig said that Tommy once told him that the reason Cheech and Chong broke up was because of the way they were portraying Mexicans. Tommy said that was true. He once went to Cheech's house and he was having a meeting with a bunch of Mexicans about that stuff and that's when he knew things were over.
Tommy said they still make money off of the movies they made 30 years ago. He said the residual checks pay his taxes these days. Howard took some phone calls and Bong Hit Bill took a hit off his bong for Tommy.
Howard brought up a story about Tommy helping to bust a guy who used to shit in the shower in prison. They actually had a meeting about the problem and how it wasn't cool to have someone doing that in the shower. Tommy said they found the guy who they had suspected of doing it. They caught him after grabbing his shoes and finding crap on them. It turns out the guy was pissed that he had to use the same toilet that the black guys were using.
Howard said that Jay Leno said a few words about Tommy back when he was going to prison but Tommy said he won't have him on the show now to promote his book. He only wanted him when he was hot. Howard gave him another plug for the book and said it's an easy read because it's nice and thin. Craig Gass mentioned that Tommy once passed him a joint as he was leaving a gig one time so he ended up keeping it and putting it into a photo album. He said that was like getting a basketball from Michael Jordan. Howard asked Craig who he was because he was out of character. Craig went back into his Kinison voice immediately. Howard wrapped up with Tommy a short time later.
Today's Brush With the Law was over around 10:30am.