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Playboy Cyber Club
Howard started the show talking about how groggy he was from getting up at 4:30 this morning. He said he wondered to himself why he's doing this getting up at that hour. Howard said Mel told him that he had to do the show at 6. He said now he's there at the crack of dawn and they re-air the show all day so he's not sure why they have to get up at this time. Robin asked if he's talked to the new people there. Howard said he hasn't talked to anyone.
Robin asked why he's groggy. Howard said he watched the Academy Awards until about 10 and then went to bed. Robin said she stayed up to watch the whole show.
Howard said people were wondering on Twitter where his commentary is. Howard said he works on radio and he saves it for radio. Howard said JD was on Twitter last night on @SternShow doing his thing. Howard said he told Robin that he's good and he had a few good ones last night. Howard said he comes off good in print. He said when he speaks he doesn't do well. Robin said you wouldn't think he had a thought when he speaks.
JD came in and said he didn't print any of them out. Howard said he had a couple that were pretty good that he retweeted. JD said he can print them out if he wants him to. Howard said by the time he does that he won't be interested anymore.
Howard said that they have a Newlyweird Game coming up today. They have Sal and Christine, Benjy and Elisa... Robin said she's not sure that's a good idea. Howard said that Ronnie and Stephanie will be in too. Howard said they have a 30 year spread there. Gary said there is a 33 year spread there. Howard said Ronnie would say ''So what!'' Fred did his impression of Ronnie and had a line about him having fire in his dick. Howard played a bit they created about Ronnie. It was an ''Old and Cranky'' product.
JD said that one of his tweets was ''Those switching over to The Walking Dead are going to be pissed because they're doing the Best Cinematography award.'' Howard said he thought that one was pretty good. JD read another one that Howard liked as well. Howard said he wasn't tweeting that much last night. He said people do want to read what he has to say. He said he sends out pictures of Beth usually.
Howard said people were wondering what he thought of Seth Macfarlane. Howard said he made him laugh way more than James Franco and Anne Hathaway. He thought the boob song was good and some of his jokes were very funny. He said he liked what he was saying about Daniel Day Lewis. Howard said he thinks that the opening goes on way too long but he was fine. Robin said they cut out a lot of the awards so they could give more time to that.
Howard played a clip of a guy giving a speech and being cut off with the music from Jaws. Howard said it was weird that they had this black guy pushing people off the stage. Howard said that was very strange. He said that guy who got cut off was trying to explain how the company he worked for went out of business but he wasn't sure what that was about. Gary explained it to Howard. Howard said they should use the Jaws music for any callers that go on too long.
Howard said that Anne Hathaway was out of breath again. Howard played some of her speech and pointed out how much she was breathing heavy. They cut out her breaths and edited them into one long one. Howard said that Jennifer Lawrence was covered up in a huge wedding gown looking thing. Howard said that she was trying to walk up the steps. He said some of these women need help walking up. Howard said Jack Nicholson was there cracking up at it. Howard said it's a miracle that they all don't fall.
Howard said Anne looks like one of those people who cut themselves. Robin said that's the way Kristin Stewart looks too. Howard said she looks bored and very self conscious that she's there. Robin said she was limping her way up there and she should have just stayed home.
Howard said that he had a whole bunch of other things from the show. He said he liked the ''We Saw Your Boobs'' song that Seth sang. Howard played some of that. Howard said he saw a lot of people saying that they didn't like this Seth Macfarlane. Howard said no one ever likes the host of the Oscars. Robin said she thinks that he got the same treatment as Letterman did. She said that he did get them to turn around when he asked the audience if they were on Mel Gibson's side when they booed him about a joke he did. Howard said he thinks he'll be well reviewed. Howard said most of the reviews he's read have been good so far.
Howard said Paul Rudd is a funny guy. He said that he and Melissa McCarthy did a bit that he didn't understand. Benjy told Howard that Seth got some bad reviews. Howard said he's not sure what people expect. Robin said they want Billy Crystal. Howard said he never made him laugh. Howard said Seth Macfarlane was good but William Shatner didn't look very good.
Howard said Melissa McCarthy is Jenny McCarthy's cousin and he can't believe that. He said he's not sure how that's possible. Howard said Paul and Melissa did that bit and he had no idea what it was. Robin said they were pretending to do voice over talent. Howard said he had no idea. Howard played some of the audio of that lame bit.
Howard said the best part of the night was when John Travolta came out with that hair piece and everyone was wondering if that's the best he can do with the money he has. Howard said you could see where the webbing was in the front. Howard said he had to say Les Miserables and he had a new pronunciation for it. Howard played that audio and laughed about that.
Howard said his second favorite part was Jane Fonda coming out and doing fine but then she had a problem reading the names. He said that she had a weird voice thing going on in the pre-recorded bit. Howard played that clip and said she must have had a cold or something. Howard said you'd think they'd give it to someone else to do.
Howard said they have a woman who gives out numbers and they will let you ask a question. Howard said Christoph Waltz won an award and he knew he'd win. Howard said he deserved that. Howard said Tommy Lee Jones looks like he's really ill lately. Robin said he's old. Howard said he's not aging very well.
Howard played a clip of Christoph Waltz talking about his win last night in the press room. David congratulated him and said that he's never won an award in 23 years. He asked if he's excited about the possibility of a black pope. Christoph said he's a very adamant non-racist and he doesn't care if the pope is black or white or whatever color. Howard said that's not very German of him.
Howard said David got off a good question and it was great. He said he was just warming up but then they wouldn't call on him anymore. Howard said he went through major hassles to get in there. Howard said he got so frustrated that he just yelled one out while Jennifer Lawrence was up there. David was yelling out that he had a question and they ignored him. David asked the woman why she wasn't calling on him. David said it was serious question. He said they ignored him the rest of the night. David was talking into the microphone saying that he was hoping he would get more questions. Howard said they put a lot of work into that and they only let him ask the one question.
Howard said they were ending the night and they were ignoring David. Howard played some audio of David trying to get Quentin Tarantino's attention. Howard said they should have sent him to a party or something else.
Howard said there was an interesting question for Quentin at the press conference. Howard played the clip and an Indian guy was asking if Quentin believes that there are bones in the human body or if we are only blood and flesh. Quentin said that he does believe there are bones in the human body. Howard said they have to find out what that guy's name is and have him go ask questions.
Howard said he's not sure what the guy was saying. Robin said she thinks that in Krishna they only believe there is flesh and blood. Howard said Quentin's answer was good.
Howard thanked David for doing what he did. Howard said he just got up and screamed out questions when he was there many years ago. Howard said they might have gone to the number system because of him. He said that they must have pissed off a lot of people.
Howard said the woman who sang the Goldfinger song was great. He said that it was great to have her come out and sing it. Howard said they did a tribute to James Bond and people were saying that the woman looks like a dude. Howard said he thought she was pretty good for an older woman. Howard played some of that audio. Howard had Fred play ''Stink Finger'' from Son of the Beach. Howard said they had Frank Sinatra Jr. perform that song for Son of the Beach. Howard said the show was so great but it never really caught on with the audience.
Howard said he thought that show was going to go on for years. He said he thinks they did 2 or 3 seasons. He said he didn't see dime one from that either. Howard said he thought that producing would be easy and he could just sit home and make money. Howard said that's not what happened. He said he didn't get any money. Just creative satisfaction. He said it turns out that's just not enough. Howard said he wasn't out on that beach freezing his ass off for satisfaction.
Howard played some of Adele singing the Skyfall James Bond song. Howard said that it wasn't a very good song. Robin said it was just a theme song.
Howard told Gary to send this guy a copy of the song. JD came in and said that it was on a FOX News program in Cleveland and they played the Jewel version coming back from a break. Howard played the audio of that. Howard said this is where the money is going to come rolling in. Howard said he knew he had a hit on his hands when he wrote that. He said he thought Psychadellic Bee would be good too. Howard said they should use that song in a movie. He had Fred play more of that song that he edited.
Robin was trying to pick Howard's song apart but Howard said she's just trying to bust balls. Howard said that he's going to get writer's block if she keeps that up.
Howard said there was a band on the web who did a cover of Rihanna's song ''Diamonds'' and it's pretty good. Howard played the song which was done by a band called Farewell to Fear. Howard said he likes this version. He said he likes Rihanna's version better but this was pretty good. He let that play through the whole song.
After playing the song Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin asked if one of his kids is in that band. Howard asked if she's serious. Robin said the song was pretty good but they never play a song all the way through. Howard said he liked it. That's why he did that. Howard said he likes that song. Howard said it's funny because he thinks about his kids when he hears that song. He said he gets very emotional about that. Howard said she must have been reading his mind or something. Howard said he does think about his kids when he hears the song. Howard said he wondered if he was thinking that out loud.
Howard asked Fred what he thought of the song. Fred said it's good but it won't knock Rihanna off the charts.
The guys asked some other people if they think that people who weren't even up for awards should win. The people they were asking had no clue.
Howard said Sal and Richard went out and asked people about Oscar Pistorius. He said some women picked that guy over him. Howard played the audio and Sal and Richard were asking how they stay in line for their men. The women were saying they do what they want to do. They were also saying they wouldn't date Howard Stern when they were asked to pick one of the two. They were picking Pistorius. They thought Howard was a despicable human being. Howard said he never shot a woman through a bathroom door... allegedly. Robin said it had to lead up to that too. She said you just don't shoot through a door.
Howard said that woman would rather be with a guy who has two stumps and allegedly shot someone. Robin said that things have to get pretty bad to pick up a gun. Howard said he must be fun in the beginning. He said that they must be equally passionate at first. Howard said then they get really bad. Howard said they hang in there with the maniac. Howard said he's probably Mr. Romance and he must bounce her all over the place on those fake legs.
Howard said that Oscar's brother is up on some charges now too. Robin said that there's all kinds of things going on down there in South Africa with that case. Howard said they let that guy out on bail too. Howard said OJ just applied for South African citizenship.
Howard said that the girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, is going to have a great year, although she's dead now. Howard said if that guy walks from this case... He said he wasn't trying to make a joke, but if that guy walks then it's just crazy.
Howard played more of Sal and Richard asking people about this Oscar Pistorius guy and what they think they should do to him if they find him guilty. One woman was really out of it and had no idea what was going on with the whole thing. She thought that taking away his legs would be a good punishment.
Howard played a clip of a woman who didn't want to answer any of their questions. Howard said that's the kind of woman you want to hang out with.
Howard played another interview where they talked to a guy about what to do with Oscar. That guy was saying that he has to keep his women in line by a kick in the head. He said he has met some hard headed women before.
Howard said he has seen Melanie on some other shows and she's good. He said there had to be a reason they chose her. Howard said Simon has worked with her and she did a good job on The X-Factor. He said that he wasn't too happy with the choice at first but then he thought about it and he's okay with it. Howard said they actually talked to her years ago on the show but the whole group together was really annoying. Howard said she might have some good outfits and things to wear on the show. Howard said he's feeling good about it now that he thinks about it. Howard said he and Howie talked about her and they both thought that they'd just have to work with her and see how it goes. Howard said they're ready to do their thing. Howard said she does have some experience with the judging thing so it might work out. Howard said she's Scary Spice and that's alright with him.
Howard wondered how long it'll be before she's in his dressing room. Howard said he wonders if he'll get to meet Eddie Murphy's child with her. Howard said that he heard she's married to Harry Bellafonte's son. Benjy said he's actually not his son.
Howard said he feels fine about this choice. He said he'll tell them after he goes to New Orleans this weekend. Howard said he'll be working with her down there.
Howard said he was watching some American Idol to see what's going on there. He said he had Nick and Mariah over to his house and told her that she won't be able to tell these kids that they suck. He said she's too nice.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked if he's going to read Mel B the riot act about showing up on time. Howard said if she shows up on time then he'll leave her alone. Howard said that he was going to tweet about her but then he saw that she wasn't saying anything about him or Howie. Howard said he decided not to say anything. He said he was going to welcome her to the AGT family but then he decided not to. He said he's not sure why he would do that if she's not going to mention him. He said he read the press release and she didn't mention them at all.
Howard said he thinks that Melanie will be a professional. Howard said he's not sure how Howie isn't exhausted all the time. Bobo said Howie has like 100 jobs. Howard said the guy is busy all the time. He said he's out on the road doing comedy. He said that he's all over the country. Howard said he must be the busiest guy in show business. Robin said that OCD isn't holding him back at all.
Howard said he's not sure what Mel B is up to. Robin said she was on Dancing with the Stars and she had her own show. Howard said if anyone is late to the show he's going to walk out. He said that he only cares about people being on time and his own opinion about the show.
Bobo said that there has been more buzz that Simon is thinking about adding a fourth judge. Howard had Fred play the Jaws music to play Bobo off. Howard hung up on him. Howard said poor Bobo got played off and he was pushed off the phone by a little black man in the back.
Howard said having four judges would be too much. He said he doesn't like that on American Idol. Howard said that if they do add one then he hopes it's someone with big boobs. Howard said glamour is the key to these shows. Howard said it's a show but it's also a business. He said he learned that yesterday. Robin asked how he learned it. Howard said someone taught him that. He said someone with big boobs and is super hot would be good. He said that Reeva Steenkamp would be good. Robin said they could get a cardboard standee of her for the show. Howard said maybe they can get her sister. He said maybe they can get someone like Pippa Middleton.
Howard said he did a photo shoot for Beth this weekend. Howard said the New York Post is doing an article about her new TV show so he shot some pictures for the article.
Howard said that they have to take a break. He mentioned the Theme song contest they have going on now before going to break. You can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along with that song a little bit. Howard said that's the guy from Coldplay, Chris Martin. Howard said they had him in there and he seems like a nice guy.
Howard said he has the top 10 worst songs according to this guy on the internet. He said he has a million things to get to today. He said he has Jeff the Drunk on the phone. He said he has a great special on Howard TV right now. Robin said it was fascinating. She said you can't believe what you're seeing. Howard said Jon Leiberman went up to Albany and spent time with Jeff. Howard asked Jeff if he's pleased with the special. Jeff said he's very pleased.
Howard said he has some audio from the special. He played one where Jeff was talking about the last time he had a woman in his bedroom. He calls the woman ''Cunt face'' and that's what shows up on his phone when she calls. Howard said this woman had sex with Jeff and that's the name he calls her. Jeff said she's a cunt. Howard asked why. Jeff said she's really a vile person. Robin asked what she did. Jeff said she fucked Dan the Song Parody Man. Howard said ''Oh... I get it.'' Jeff said she left him at a bar 3 years later so she could go off with some crackhead. Jeff asked if that sounds like a cunt face to him. Howard said he doesn't know. Howard asked how many times he fucked her. Jeff said it was just a couple of times.
Howard said Jeff wrote a poem for his mom. He played the audio of Jeff reading that in the Embedded special. Jeff was talking about how much he loves his mom while they had music playing behind him. Howard said that was 10 times better than anything Ronnie has written. Robin said it was a tiny bit better. Howard said he liked his poem.
Howard said the special is so good and you have to see it. He said that Jeff admits to something while they're at the scene of the accident when he lost the use of his arm. Robin said he was going down a road at 125 miles per hour. Jon Leiberman asked Jeff if he would drive drunk again. Jeff said he would. He said if there's a party that he wanted to go to then he'd go and drive there. Robin said she didn't have any doubt about that. Howard said it's good for him to admit.
Robin said she was wondering where the guy is that caused the accident. Howard said everyone in his life is an accident.
Howard said Jeff admits to Jon that he would like his tombstone to say ''Jeff the Drunk'' on it. Howard played that clip too. Jon said he thinks that they'll do what he wants. Jeff said he'd be fine with that if they put it on his tomb stone. Howard told Jeff he did a good job there. He wrapped up with him and let him go a short time later.
The caller asked if he could eat Eric's brain since he's not using it. He said that his account was a goofy one where he's a zombie. The guy said he would have appreciated it more if he had gone back and forth instead of just blocking him.
Howard said he's sorry to hear he's no loner on Twitter. He said some people are so vicious on Twitter though. He said that they are relentless. He said that he has a guy who will track some of these people down and he's going to do that so he can beat the shit out of some of them. Howard said if some of these people said that stuff to his face he'd punch them in the head.
Howard said no tweet really does put him over the top. He said it's the stuff they say to his wife that bothers him. He said that if they said that shit to his wife he'd punch them. Howard said he really would. He said he's cuckoo. Robin said he's standing up for his wife. Howard said he is. Howard said if they say anything about Robin or Mel B he's going to do that too. Howard said now Mel B is in his life and he's wondering how that happened. Howard said he's not actually going to defend her honor. Howard said Eddie Murphy can do that instead.
Howard said he tuned into E! to see the red carpet coverage. Howard said they must have been banned by ABC. Robin said she saw Ryan Seacrest out there somewhere. Howard said he thinks that ABC locked up the rights and banned E!. Howard said that pre-coverage is better than the actual Oscars.
Robin said Kelly Osbourne has become quite a fashion maven. She said that she was commenting on all of that dress stuff. Howard said he's not sure where that came from. Robin said it bothers her to see everyone chumming up to Ryan Seacrest. Howard said that bothers him too. He said he thinks that people all think he's a jerk but they have to do that.
Howard said there was a huge NASCAR crash over the weekend. Howard said he watched it like 50 times. Robin said it got some of the people in the stands. Howard said the drivers were fine but like 30 people were hurt. Howard said he's sure there were no Harvard grads in the audience. He said he doesn't want to see anyone get hurt though. Howard said you actually do but you can't say that anymore. Robin said the people in the crowd want to see the crashes so now they get to get hurt. Howard said no Ivy League grads were hurt in that crash. Howard said now Ronnie can make a coffee table out of one of those wheels that landed in the crowd.
Howard said he had a clip from this moment in Stern Show History. He said he lost it though. Howard said he has so many clips he can't keep track of them. Gary told him where it was. Howard found the clip and played the audio of himself talking about what Clear Channel did to him and how it didn't make any sense. Howard said they were pulled off in 6 markets that day. Howard said he lost those stations because of Janet Jackson's fucking tit. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that it looks like Kim Kardashian is pregnant and it looks like she's carrying Quintuplets in her ass.
Howard said today is Purim. He explained what that was about and said that growing up as a Jewish kid was scary. He said you'd come home from learning about the religion and you'd be terrified. Howard said Mel Gibson just calls this ''Another fucking kike holiday.'' He said he's just kidding about that of course.
Howard said that Mel Gibson was down in Miami dancing at some club and he apparently hit it off with her. Howard said someone overheard him talking about his favorite movie ''Schindler's List''. Howard said he doesn't know what his actual favorite movie is. Howard said he read that Mel was hitting on some black chick. Howard said that it must have been a publicity stunt. Howard said all he has to do is make out with a gay Jewish guy and everything will be forgiven.
Howard said that women used to ask Mel if he was that guy in that movie but now they ask if he's the guy who yelled ''You should just fucking smile and blow me'' in that voice mail. Robin said she wants to make that her new ringtone.
Howard said Jon Hein and Gary are doing a new TV show. He said it's like an Antique Road Show with Mr. Ed. Howard said he hasn't actually seen it but he's going to say it was very good. Howard said he doesn't know how it could be any good. Gary said they show it like 20 times every week on VH1 Classic. Howard said Gary is looking heavy lately. Gary said he has been the same weight for the longest time. Howard said he has to talk to Jon Hein about his weight. Howard said he's worried about Jon. Gary said Jon knows what to do but nagging isn't going to help. Howard said his parents nagged him and it worked.
Howard said he was in his late 20s or maybe 30 and his parents told him he had to do something about his weight. Howard said they told him he looked terrible and told him to lose weight. Howard said that works. He said that they scared the hell out of him.
Howard said it's been 7 whole days since one of Dr. Drew's patients has died. Howard said that Robin owes him an apology.
Howard said that Ace Frehley's company has apparently gone bankrupt. He said the funny thing is that Sal is more successful than Ace is now.
Howard said the pee ferments and he smells down there. Howard said he doesn't find it offensive but he figures the other person would. Howard said he told Beth that he had to pee so he got out the Fresh + Sexy stuff. Howard said this isn't a commercial either. He said this is his story. Howard said he opened up the packet, which isn't that easy to open, and it's nice and wet. He said he swipes down the side of his legs where your leg joins the balls. He said he wipes his penis and shaft and all around his balls. He said he takes that and throws it out. Then he dries it with a towel. Howard said he does the finger check and makes sure nothing smells. He said that he smells good down there after wiping down. Howard said he got back in bed and had sex. Then he uses a second pack of Fresh + Sexy and wipes down again. He said it's the greatest thing to ever happen to him.
Howard said that he's so proud of himself. He said whoever invented this stuff must have pee all over their balls. Howard said that guy must be the smelliest mother fucker. Howard said he wants to meet that guy and have him on the show. Howard said he must stink.
In the first clip JD was talking about his luck with the ladies and how he was the man in 6th grade. Howard said peaking in 6th grade is pretty sad. JD said that's the year he won the spelling bee too. JD said he moved to Florida after that. He said it didn't hit him until he was in high school and didn't have a girlfriend that it wasn't going well.
Howard said that he was sort of cute when he was in 6th grade and then he started to look heinous. Howard said he was smoking a ton of cigarettes and became a hermit.
Howard asked JD if he fingered anyone in 6th grade. JD said he went on his first date. He said he went to a movie and hung out on a girl's couch too.
Howard played more of JD talking about the girls he hung out with in 6th grade. He had one Korean girlfriend. Howard cut the clip off and started doing his JD impression with Fred.
Howard played more of the clip and JD was talking about the song ''Lets Talk About Sex'' and how that song makes him think about 6th grade. That led into the song.
Howard said that song is horrible. JD said the idea of Playlist was to play songs that mean something to you. Howard said he never would have picked that song. Howard laughed when he brought up how JD peaked in 6th grade. Howard said JD really knows how to weave that tale. Howard said that was a horrible song. Robin said she knew it was going to be a bunch of horrible music.
Howard played more of JD talking about his level of fame. Howard said he is famous. He said he has over 100,000 followers on Twitter so he should just accept it. Howard said he has fame and that's that. JD said he was trying to say that.
Howard played more of JD talking about one of the songs that means something to him. That was a Mike Jones song. Howard tried to play another clip but he cut it off saying he's going to tune in tonight. Robin said that all of these songs mean something to him because of girls. Howard played more of JD talking up a Marilyn Manson album and talking about a girl he knew who was into it and they bonded over it.
Howard said that will be on at 7 o'clock tonight. Robin asked what JD meant when he said that the girl bonded with him. JD said that they didn't have sex or anything but the girl would play with his hair. He said that was the most contact he had with a girl in high school. Howard said he likes that song at least. It was Marilyn Manson's ''Beautiful People.''
JD mentioned some of the other songs that he plays tonight and one of them was the theme from Flash Gordon. Howard asked what kind of story he could have about that. JD said when Wayne's World came out he got into Queen and then he realized that they had done the soundtrack to Flash Gordon. He said he listened to that when he was a kid. Howard cut him off and said this is the most depressing special since Jeff the Drunk's special.
Howard asked JD if he's getting laid. JD said he's not at the moment. He said he's still spending money on the internet. JD said the girls he's met at the block parties haven't worked out. He said he still talks to them but they live in different cities. Howard said it's depressing flying somewhere to get laid.
JD said that they had an Onion story that sticks in his head. The headline was about how a guy flew 9000 miles just to get laid.
Howard said the Onion got in trouble for having a story about that 9 year old, Quvenzhane Wallis, where they call her a cunt. Howard said that they had to take it down from their Twitter account. Howard said that it's a parody site so it's not real news. Robin said that you don't go after a 9 year old like that. Robin said she was kind of funny last night on the Oscars. Robin said she was pumping her hands in the air every time they mentioned her name. Robin said that's how everyone else feels but they can't show it.
Howard said that MC Hammer was arrested. He said a lot of people say he cant' even get arrested but he was. Howard said Michelle Obama was talking about how she wanted to take over the Tonight Show. Howard said jay should have told her she can have it but he'll have it back in 7 months.
Howard said that they have the Newlyweird Game coming up. Howard said he thinks that Ronnie and Stephanie are going to win. He said Sal and his wife hate each other so they won't win. Howard said he just has to ask her what Sal's penis looks like and she won't know. Howard said maybe Benjy and Elisa will win. Robin said she doesn't think that they know anything about each other. Howard said he doesn't either. He wasn't even sure if they're still together. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked if that was Bruce. Fred said it was. Howard said it didn't sound like him for some reason.
Howard said it's time for the Newlyweird Game. He said it's brought to you by Platex's Fresh + Sexy. Howard said Sal and Christine don't need them. Howard said this game is for $5,000.
Howard said hello to Ronnie and his girlfriend Stephanie. Howard asked if she thinks they can win. Stephanie said she thinks they can. Howard said this contest looks weird because it's 3 very attractive women with 3 ugly guys. Howard said that Stephanie must think she's too good for Ronnie. Stephanie said she doesn't at all. Ronnie said he's too good for her. Sal said he's too old for her.
Howard asked Ronnie if he knows her pretty well. Ronnie said he thinks he does. Howard said he's pretty relaxed about it. Howard said the ladies are going to sit in and answer 15 questions. then they'll match up those 15 questions and see how they do. Howard asked Stephanie how she met Ronnie. She said she met him at a bar she was working at. Howard asked what it was that got her. She said it was his personality. She said that he wooed her.
Howard said that Stephanie thinks that Ronnie will marry her in the next 4 years. Ronnie asked where that came from. Howard said she's stuck with him through thick and thin. Ronnie said he's done that for her too. He said that he'll get married as soon as Robin gets married. Howard asked Ronnie if he's worried that she won't have financial security. Ronnie said he has taken care of that. Howard asked if Stephanie's family is worried that she's with someone who is 32 years her senior. She said her family is fine with it. Howard asked if she gets hit on all the time. She said it's not more than any other girl. Howard asked if Ronnie is great in bed. Stephanie said he is. Howard said that Sal was laughing. Sal said he was laughing about him being good in bed. Howard asked Ronnie if he still masturbates. Ronnie said he doesn't have to. Sal said his arthritis won't let him.
Howard moved on to Sal and Christine. Howard asked how the marriage is going. Christine said it's going good and it's much better. Howard asked what has changed. Christine said she's more loving toward him. Howard asked if he's gotten better. Christine said they're all good. She said she wants to be more sexually loving to him. Sal sounded surprised and said ''You do?''
Howard asked where they met. Christine said that they met in college. Sal said he knew as soon as he saw her that he was going to marry her. Howard asked if it was love at first sight. Christine said it was. Sal said he never knew that. Howard said Christine made him stop tweeting out pictures of his penis. Sal said it was called Foreskin Friday. He said he would dress up his penis and take pictures of it for Twitter. Howard asked when Christine when she became aware of it. Christine said it was shortly before he ended it. She said she thought it was inappropriate.
Howard asked if all of the girls get along. They said they think they do. Elisa said she loves all of the other women. She said that she's met them before. Howard said that Benjy and Elisa are all over each other kissing. Elisa said that she's really into Benjy today. She said that he was very good in bed last night. She said he was very slow and he was playing with her body parts before going to her vagina. Howard said some women want to go right for it. Ronnie said he does foreplay without a doubt. Howard asked what he does. Ronnie said they have to lay a towel out on the bed. Howard asked if that's because she's so excited. Stephanie said that they have to put out a towel for the new mattress they just got. Benjy said he has to put one out too but only because he gets so sweaty.
Howard said that Elisa was down on the relationship last time she was in there. Elisa said they're up and down all the time. She said that Benjy said that he was leaving her yesterday. She said she can't read him. Benjy said he loves her very much but they threaten to break up all the time. He said he loves her and he's committed to her. Benjy said it's him. He said that he isn't easy to get along with. Elisa said it's terrible. She said that he was so good in bed that it all made up for it. She said that he had his tongue up her ass for the first time last night. Benjy said he didn't even know that. Elisa said he doesn't know his body parts very well.
Howard said Ronnie is into that oral sex thing too. Ronnie said he's pretty good. Howard said he doesn't mind putting his tongue up her ass.
Howard asked Elisa if she thinks that Benjy is going to marry her. Elisa said that the whole family is trying to get him to do it but he just won't do it. Howard asked what's going on. Benjy said it could happen. He said if she wins this game then maybe. Benjy said he loves her. Elisa asked if he'll do it then. Benjy said he would want to plan out the wedding. Elisa told him not to worry about that. Howard asked if he will propose to her if they win. Benjy said maybe he will. Elisa said that he's so weird. She wondered why it matters where he does it.
Howard asked Ronnie if he'll marry Stephanie. Ronnie said he won't. He said they've had this discussion a million times. He said that it's good the way it is. Howard said she wants to get married so do it for her. Ronnie said he's done plenty for her.
Howard said it's time to find out who knows the most about each other. Howard said that they're going to send the guys out of the studio and ask the women the questions. Howard said they'll find out who wins after the guys come back.
Howard asked ''What would you say your spouse says annoys you most about them?'' Stephanie said that it's when he talks and she doesn't hear him. Christine said that it would be that she nags. Elisa said that it would be when she throws away his papers. She said that he has jokes and papers all over her apartment.
Howard asked what color their man's eyes are. Stephanie said brown, Christine said brown and Elisa said blue.
Howard asked what one thing they would change about their man. Stephanie said ''his temper.'' She told Howard about how Ronnie lost his shit about something she did. Howard said he bets that it would have been cute in the beginning of the relationship. Howard asked Christine what she would change. He told her she can only say one thing. Christine said ''sense of direction.'' Howard asked Elisa what she would change about Benjy. Elisa said that she would change his nagging.
Howard asked what the grossest thing is that their man does in front of them. Stephanie said she's not sure about that. Howard said she must have something. Stephanie said that it might be burping and farting. She said she does that to him too. She said she thinks it's funny and she can't do it in public with her friends. Howard asked if it's farting then. She said yes. Howard asked Christine what her answer is. Christine said it would be his toe nail clipping and leaving them in a pile somewhere. Elisa said that she is so turned on by him that nothing is gross. She said she's going to say smelling up the bathroom. She said she likes that though. She said that she knows he's home when she smells that though.
Howard asked what about their man's behavior embarrasses them most. Stephanie said nothing really. Howard said he's embarrassed by him every day. Howard asked Christine. She said that people will talk to Sal and he won't pay attention. Elisa said that it would be when he's supposed to sing and he doesn't sing. She said he's a wonderful singer.
Howard asked what famous person their man looks like. Stephanie said she has no idea. She went with Wild Bill Hickhock. Christine said that she thinks Sal looks like Ray Romano. Elisa said Bradley Cooper. Robin said ''What!?''
Howard asked what the last thing was that they did that disappointed their man. Stephanie said that it would be going out to dinner and then going right to bed when they get home. Christine said it was the same as Stephanie's answer. Howard said that it's become an art avoiding sex with her man. Elisa said that she thinks that she spends too much or shopping. She said they got in a fight about a joke that Benjy didn't like. She said she'll go with spending too much. She said she has to go to the spa and things like that but Benjy gets upset about that.
Howard asked what aspect of grooming their man could do better at. Stephanie said that she has Ronnie shave his back and balls. She said that he grooms very nicely. Howard asked Christine what she thinks. She said brushing his teeth. Elisa said that he's perfect with grooming but she made an appointment for a facial and he didn't want to do it.
Howard said he's going to give them just one more. He asked what physical feature they would change. Stephanie said maybe Ronnie's weight. Christine said she has to go with the circumcision. Howard said he has seen it and it looks like a shriveled piece of bacon. Christine said it really doesn't bother her. Elisa said that she wants Benjy to gain some weight. She said he's adorable.
Howard asked what request their lover has made that they have denied. Stephanie said nothing. Christine said she has no idea, just sex. She went with intercourse. Elisa said she'll do anything for Benjy. She said she might not be with another woman though.
Howard asked who their man would want to have sex with that they both know if he could. Stephanie said someone named Brittany. Christine said that it would be Amy. Elisa said it might be Lisa G. She said they were talking about her recently after seeing her book cover. She said that they did a thing where she was pretending to be Lisa and Benjy did her as if she was Lisa.
Howard said they're getting a glimpse into the lives of these guys. Howard said that they're going to take a break and then get back to the game.
Howard said that they're playing with Ronnie and Stephanie, Sal and Christine and Benjy and Elisa. Howard asked Ronnie what he thinks is the most annoying thing about him that annoys her. Ronnie said it's when he doesn't hear her. It was a match. They gave him a point. Sal said that his lack of direction is what annoys her. She said it was when she nags him. No points for them. Benjy said that it's when he nags her. Elisa said that it's throwing away papers. Howard confused Benjy with that one so he wasn't sure what to do about that one. Howard said that he fucked that one up. He wasn't sure what to do about it. Gary said they could throw out the question for everyone. Howard said that's what he'll do. Robin said he's fucking Ronnie by doing that.
Howard said he's going to ask Benjy a different question that he won't ask the other couples. Howard asked Benjy what physical feature he thinks Elisa said she would change about Benjy. Benjy said that it would be getting a bigger stomach. He was right about that.
Howard said he's never playing this again. He said that they asked the women what color their eyes are. Ronnie said brown. He was right. Sal got Brown and Benjy got blue.
Howard said they asked the women if they could change one thing about their man what would they change. Ronnie said he's going to say his attitude. Stephanie said temper so Howard gave it to them. Sal said he thinks that Christine said to drink less. Christine had the sense of direction. Sal said everything is ass backwards in this relationship. He had the right answers for the wrong questions. Howard said that Sal and Christine should take this one. They've been together longest. Benjy said that he's going to say it was to be cuter more often. Elisa said to stop nagging. They didn't get that one.
Howard said they asked the women what the grossest thing they do in front of their woman is. Ronnie said that he's going to say when he farts in bed. He got that one right. Sal said he's going to say it's when he picks or blows his nose at the dinner table. She said it was his toe nail clippings. Sal said she yells at him every day at the table. Christine said she forgot about that. Sal said she can forget the 5 grand now too. Benjy's phone was ringing and Howard wondered why he's in this game. Benjy said he's going to say farting. Elisa said that smelling up the bathroom was it but Howard didn't give that one to them. Ronnie said that Elisa stunk up the bathroom there today. She said she didn't go in there. Ronnie said that's what he was told by someone at Howard TV. She said that it's probably the guy whose name rhymes with Bitchie. Elisa said that Benjy was in there with her and she would never do that in front of him.
Howard said they asked the women what they find to be the most embarrassing behavior that their man does. Ronnie said when he drinks and gets fucked up. Stephanie said nothing. They didn't get a point. Sal said he's going to say it's when he drinks and makes fun of her. Christine said it's when he doesn't listen. Sal said she must not listen because she's getting all of the answers wrong. Sal said she's got to help him here. He said he has bills to pay. Benjy said he's going to say it's when he used to look at other women. Elisa said it was when he refuses to sing. Benjy said he'll sing now. He sang ''Online Sweetheart'' song to Elisa.
Howard said they asked the women what famous person their man thinks he looks like. Ronnie said he's going to say that guy with the moustache that they make fun of on Twitter. He said it's Colonel Sanders. He was wrong. Stephanie said Wild Bill Hickhock. Sal said he's going to say Lorenzo Llamas. Christine said it was Ray Romano. Sal said he gets that. Christine said this is a waste of her getting up early. Howard asked Benjy what he's going to say. Benjy said he's going to say he doesn't look like anyone. Elisa said Bradley Cooper. She said if you zoom in really close he looks like him. She said he's actually better. Howard said that's a woman in love right there.
Howard said they asked the women what they did that disappointed their spouse. Ronnie said that he did nothing. Stephanie said that it's when she passes out without sex. Robin said this is the wrong question again. Robin said they asked what she did that disappointed the man. Howard said that he was right on that. Robin said she's not sure how this keeps happening. Howard said he did not fuck up a second time. Howard asked Sal what she did that pissed him off. Sal said that it was her wanting him to go away skiing for the weekend. Christine said it was passing out without sex. Howard said Sal and Christine are not on the same page. Robin said this is like when she played this stupid game. Howard asked Benjy what he's going to say. Benjy said he's going to say spending too much shopping. He was right.
Howard said they asked the women what aspect of grooming they would like their partner to do better. Howard had to ask the question twice so Ronnie would understand. Ronnie said he thinks that it would be maybe losing weight but then he changed it to shaving his balls better. Stephanie said ''nothing'' on that one though. Howard asked Sal what he thinks Christine's answer was. Sal said he brushing his teeth. He finally got one right. Sal said that his wife uses that excuse to keep away from him. Howard had Benjy smell his breath. Benjy didn't think it was so bad. Christine wanted someone normal to smell it.
Howard asked Benjy what he thinks Elisa's answer was for the grooming question. Benjy said he's going to say nothing. Elisa said that it's the facial thing.
Howard said they asked the women what sexual request the man has made that she turned down. Ronnie said he's going to say that it was nothing. Stephanie said nothing. They got another point. Sal said he's going to say BJ. She said intercourse. They didn't match up. Howard said that Sal is always saying he wants a BJ and he never gets it. Sal said it's definitely a blow job. Benjy said she wouldn't have to smell his breath. Howard said Sal must understand why she doesn't want that. Sal said he has to go with what she says. Howard said maybe if he was circumcised it would be easier. She said that might be true.
Howard asked Benjy what his answer is going to be. Benjy said that it would be a threesome. He was right. They got another point. They were at 5-4 with Ronnie and Stephanie in first place. Elisa said she would split the money with Stephanie if she wins. Stephanie said she can't do that. She said that would be a down payment for her new car.
Howard said they asked the women if your lover could have sex with someone you both know, who would it be. Benjy said it would be Lisa G. Howard said he's right. Howard said he hopes Ronnie and Stephanie get this one right. Sal said his answer would be her friend Lorraine. Christine said Amy. They were wrong again.
Howard said they have a tie between Ronnie and Benjy right now. Howard said Ronnie could win if he gets this one. Howard asked if they can just split the money if they have a tie. Ronnie said he guesses he'd split it too. Howard asked Ronnie what his answer is going to be. Howard repeated the question and asked Ronnie who he would say. Ronnie said he would say Brittany. He got it right and won the game.
Howard said that Sal and Christine have been together for 17 years and they came in last. Christine said that he's over thinking it. Howard said that Benjy and Elisa have been together for just one year. He said they came in second.
Howard said Stephanie and Ronnie won so he congratulated them on that. They've been together for 6 years. They won the game. Stephanie said she's going to buy a new car. She said that she has a 1999 Mitsubishi Eclipse so she wants to get a Pontiac G6 convertible. Howard gave the second and third place winners $500. Christine said she's going to use that money for an attorney. Elisa said she's going to use her money for a trip to New Orleans to visit her family. Sal asked if she's going to be hitchhiking with only $500. They wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard said he had some clips of what Donald Trump had to say about the Oscars. Howard said he hasn't heard this himself. Howard played the clip of Trump talking about the choices for the winners. He said he felt that Django Unchained was the most racist movie of the year. Howard said that's not true. He said that was the best movie of the year. Howard said he didn't like Argo. Robin said she thought it was great. Howard said Argo should have been a TV show. He said it wasn't bad, it just wasn't great.
Howard said he saw all of those movies. He said he didn't see Amour though. He did see Silver Linings Playbook. Howard said the best movie of the year was Django Unchained. Robin said that's according to Howard. Howard said they were wrong about Argo. Howard said Homeland is better than Argo. He said he enjoyed Argo but it wasn't that good.
Howard got back to the Trump clip and Trump was talking about gun control and Django. Trump said he thought the set of the Oscars was tacky. He said it was very average. Howard asked JD where this clip is from. JD said that it was from FOX and Friends.
Howard played more of Trump talking about the awards. He said he didn't think Lincoln was all that great. He said he doesn't think that Lincoln acted like that at all. Howard agreed with him on that. He said he didn't think he was that great. Howard said that he liked Daniel Day Lewis in other movies like that ''My Left Foot'' and ''There Will Be Blood.'' Howard said that it was impressive that he was able to memorize his lines. Howard said he could never do that.
Howard said the guy who should have won best actor wasn't even there. He said he was in Sessions. Howard said he can't remember his name now. Howard said he thinks Trump's opinions are interesting. Robin said that his taste is not that broad. Howard said he's America's Judge. Robin said he's good at judging jugglers.
Robin said that Andrea Peyser is also taking up the cause of saying that Dr. Drew is exploiting sick people. Robin had some details of that.
Robin read about how Oscar Pistorius was released on bail. Robin said that the prosecutor was released because he's going to be up on some charges. Robin said that Oscar's brother was also up on some charges in a vehicular manslaughter case. Robin said that Oscar is going to have to jump through some hoops to stay out of jail now.
Robin said that Tiger Woods was photographed out with his ex-wife Elin on a play date with the kids. Howard said they did it for the kids. He said that's good. Robin said they're trying to work things out. Howard said if he marries her again his golf game would get better and he'd probably start banging other women.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Newlyweird Game was gross. He said Stephanie talking about how she has to put a towel down was gross. Howard said you'll see all of this on Howard TV and it looked great in there. Howard said he thinks that Elisa is in love with Benjy and she really believes that he looks like Bradley Cooper. Howard said she just loves Benjy and it's something to see. Howard said they were making out during the show. He said he was trying to concentrate on the game and Benjy was just about fingering her. Benjy said he loves her very much.
The caller mentioned something about Benjy being on FOX and Friends. Howard said it was too much to explain. He said it's really not interesting. He said it's just more Benjy and Elisa stuff. He said that this personal organizer came out and said that she helped them organize.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he's sick of these comic book companies looking for press with the release of the stories. Ralph said he wants to read the comic books. Howard asked how old he is again. Ralph said he's 46. Ralph said it's also funny that Trump calls something tacky. He asked if Howard has seen Trump's apartment.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he's wrong about Django Unchained being the best movie. Howard said he thinks it was. Howard told the guy to try getting on board with him. He said you have to trust him, he's right. Robin said she's having trouble with that too. Howard said that Robin told him that Last Action Hero was a great movie and that's when he stopped talking movies with her. Robin said she saw a movie recently that she didn't like and Howard suggested it to her. Robin said this has happened many times. She said that he's been right about some movies but once in a while he'll tell her about something that's really bad.
Robin had some audio from the Oscars. She had some of Seth Macfarlane monologue and she didn't like what she was hearing. Robin said it wasn't the right place for these jokes. Robin said that Daniel Day Lewis was hysterical. He was joking that Spielberg wanted Meryl Streep to play the role of Lincoln. Howard said he heard that Liam Neeson was offered that role. Howard said he thinks that he turned that role down. Robin said she's never seen him do a movie without an accent. Robin said he had one in Taken. Howard said he did not. Robin insisted he did. Howard said he was in Dark Man and didn't have one in that. Robin said she'd have to go back and look. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin had some audio of Ben Affleck talking about being at the Academy Awards and not second guessing his win. Howard said that they were saying that he may never win another award. Howard said that's a lesson for us all. Robin had some audio of Ben Affleck accepting his award. Howard said he sounds really unhappy. Howard said that Jennifer Garner looks like a really nice person and Ben gets up there and just fucks things up. Robin said he just broke down and said it was work. Howard went into a live commercial after that.
Robin had some audio of Jennifer Lawrence talking about the fall she took on her way up to the stage. She was talking about how she was thinking of the F-word as she fell on her way up there. Robin said she seems very sweet too.
Robin had some audio of Daniel Day Lewis talking about being out of character and how they could do whatever they think they need to do to get him out if he slips back in.
Robin had some audio of Quentin Tarantino talking about his movie. Howard said he has to explain himself all the time. He said it's like people don't take him seriously. He said they can't believe that he's as talented as he is. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read about Ang Lee winning and he was talking about how both wins were announced by Jack Nicholson. Robin had some audio of Ang talking about that.
Robin said that Anne Hathaway was emotional when she was talking about how ''it came true'' when she got up on stage. Robin had audio of Anne talking about how wonderful it was. Howard said she must be on the same vitamins that Benjy's girlfriend is on.
Robin had some audio of Adele talking about her Oscar win. Fred played a mooing sound so Robin told him to stop that. Howard said she has to lose some weight for her health. Robin said people don't' care about weight and health so she doesn't have to do anything. Howard said he thinks she'd be really hot if she lost a lot of weight. Robin said she thinks that she'd have a big head. Robin said she was standing next to Kristin Chenoweth and her head was huge. Howard said he still thinks she'd be hot. Howard said they'll have to debate that later.
Robin read about the NASCAR crash over the weekend and how it injured about 2 dozen fans. Robin had some audio of one of the drivers talking about the accident. Robin said she's glad that the racing is as dangerous for the fans as it is for the drivers. She said now they can be part of the entertainment. Robin said the race was just about over when the crash happened. Robin said that the engine and other parts went into the crowd. All of the drivers were okay. Howard said he's glad he has the internet. He said he was able to see the crash without watching the other stuff. Howard said it was amazing. He said it shows you that if you're seat belted in and wear a helmet then you might be okay. Howard said he'd get out of the car looking like he just came from the moon. Howard said he feels like he should do that. He said he'd be smart if he survived a crash like that. Robin said Howard drives very cautiously. Howard said that reckless people can crash into you though. Howard said he can't wait to get out of the car in full racing gear after driving 30 miles per hour.
Robin said that the Pope is stepping down and yesterday he gave his final homily. Robin said now they have to vote for a new Pope. Howard said he wants the black guy to win. He said we need a black Pope. He said everyone is excited for a black Pope. Robin said it's about time. That led to Howard playing some interviews Sal and Richard did with some people on the street about the possibility of a black Pope.
Robin read about this new term called sequestration where they'll have automatic cuts when the President and Congress don't agree on budget cuts. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Robin had some audio of someone talking about it. Howard said he still doesn't get it. Howard played some audio of one woman on the street talking about how great it would be to have a black Pope. Howard liked her because of how excited she was. She kept saying ''Woo, woo!'' during that interview. Howard said that's how he wants Beth to sound when he walks in the door.
Robin asked Howard what he thinks about public breast feeding. Howard said he doesn't mind it. He said he's fine with it. Howard said it's not like a third world nation thing. Howard said more women should see that it's the proper thing to do. He said it's the right thing to do when you have a baby. Howard said it should be encouraged. Robin asked where it should be banned. Howard said maybe when he's in bed fucking you then you can skip it. He said his mother kept her breast milk from him. Howard did his mother's voice and talked about how they were all using bottles back then. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Robin read about how Castro's brother is going to retire in 5 years. Robin said that she's not sure where Cuba is headed after that. Robin said that Raul Castro is 81 years old. Howard said that one day they will be free of the tyranny of those Castro boys. Robin said they're like the longest lived revolutionaries. Howard said that they're maniacs. Howard said that the maniac isn't around but the brother if the maniac is. Robin said it's good he didn't have kids. Howard said you'd think they'd free their people. He said he'd do it but he has to be in New Orleans next week for AGT.
Robin said that Jermain Jackson has changed his name to Jacksun and he's out there talking about his family. He claims it's for artistic purposes. Robin said that he also made a comment about how they like women and they're not ''faggots.'' Howard said he's just angry that it never worked out for him. They ended the show around 10:35am.
Jon said that Benjy and Elisa seemed to be oblivious that there was a radio show going on. They were talking when they shouldn't be and Benjy's phone kept ringing.
Jon asked if they think that they're the real thing. Gary said that he's not sure and he won't spend time thinking about it. He said he's not sure what to think about the phone ringing thing during the show. Gary said he was going to talk to him about it after the show but he decided not to.
Jon said it was a tough game. He said the other thing was that Howard was just off. He said he's not sure what threw him off. Gary said that maybe it wasn't clear to the audience either. He said that he just wanted Benjy to answer his question when he was giving Howard a hard time about it.
Gary and Jon talked about Sal and Christine and how they were handling the game. Gary said that he was having a discussion with Shuli about Sal and Christine getting annoyed with each other and how things would be different if they were just dating.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why they keep letting Benjy and Elisa on the show. Benjy came in and corrected the guy on her name. He said it's Elisa, not Alicia. Gary said he saw that Benjy was wearing a new hat this morning. He said he saw Elisa asking him where the other hat was. He wore a neon blue hate with Elisa's name on it today. Gary said it's a very ''notice me'' move. Gary said he's not sure why wearing that hat is so important. Benjy said that her name is Elisa and they made it last year. He said that she will wear a ''Benjy'' hat sometimes too.
Jon asked Benjy what was up with his phone. Benjy said he swears he doesn't know. He said it was an alarm and it kept going off. He said he's sorry about that. Gary said it's not like he works in radio or anything.
Jon asked Benjy about why he doesn't get married. Benjy said that they've only been dating a year. He said it's a natural question to ask but it's not strange not to get engaged after a year. Gary said he has a prediction. He said he doesn't think that Benjy will marry her and he will never marry anyone. Benjy said he wants to and they'll have to see how it develops. Benjy said that he would be married to her now. Gary asked why he's not then. Benjy said it's a scary step. He said that if he doesn't marry her then he'll never get married. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said that David Arquette did good for them too. Gary said he has to call David and thank him for what he did. He said he thinks that he was out there standing next to Al Roker.
Jon asked JD about tweeting on the @SternShow account. JD said he blocked Ralph last night. He said that he made a comment about his tweets so he blocked him.
Jon asked JD if 6th grade was the best time of his life. JD said it was pretty good. Gary asked how this part of his life isn't the best. JD said he has more responsibilities now that he's older. He said he has to make sure he's at work every day and he has a lot on his mind. He said there's nothing care free going on in his life.
Benjy asked JD how far he got with that girl in 6th grade. JD said he doesn't think he even kissed her. He said that he never did anything with any of those girls. JD said he's not even in contact with anyone like that anymore. He said he isn't even in touch with anyone for high school.
Gary asked who has a better chance at getting married JD or Benjy. Jon said he thinks that JD will find the right woman some day and he will get married. Benjy said he's on the verge of getting engaged to Elisa. Gary said he's on the verge of thinking about it.
Jon asked JD about his Playlist show that's on tonight. JD said that he thinks that people will be surprised at the variety of music he likes. He said that he likes metal, electronic, hip hop, rap and other stuff. Jon said that's on at 7 tonight on Howard 101. Jon said he can't wait to hear it.
Jon asked Sal how he felt about the game. Sal said that he's been married for almost 20 years so the margins change for the things that you don't like about each other. Sal said that he didn't know where to start or where to end with what she doesn't like about him. He said he wanted to pinpoint the thing about what she's really annoyed about. He said there is a lot of stuff that bothers her.
Jon said one thing that stood out was about how he thinks that he looks like Lorenzo Llamas. Sal said that his aunt used to tell him he did. Sal said he has never been compared to a celebrity. He said he wasn't too pleased with the Ray Romano thing. He said he looks like Ernie with HIV or something. Sal said that he thought Christine would bring that up because he's told her about what his aunt said.
Jon asked Sal what he meant when he asked if he could sleep with a relative. Sal was referring to Christine's sister. Sal said when he was dating his wife his sister-in-law would always tell him he picked the wrong one. Sal said he brought it up at his son's communion after he got drunk. He said he had a heart to heart talk with her and he asked her if she would ever bang him. Sal said that she told him that she likes his personality but he's not her type of guy. Sal said that she likes a blue collar kind of guy. Sal said he was curious if he was her type and it turns out he wasn't.
Sal said that he loves Christine's mom too. He said she's really fun and loose. He said she texted her the picture of his cock as Gene Simmons and she showed it to all of the other bus drivers at school.
Gary asked what his sister-in-law's boyfriend did while he asked about the sex thing. Sal said he looked at him kind of funny. He said all he did was ask about how she felt about him. He said the whole family has joked around about that before so it wasn't a big deal.
Jon asked Sal if he learned anything new about Christine today. Sal said he doesn't know about that. He said he thought she was going to say something about blowing his nose but she mentioned the toe nails. Gary and Jon said they were great and Christine is a team player for coming in at the last second. They had to take anther break after that.
Gary said that he thought it was funny that Benjy answered about the getting fatter thing. He said that he would have thought they were cheating if Benjy had gotten the Bradley Cooper question right.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Benjy is in a fatal attraction thing and he can't get out of it now. Benjy said that he loves her and he knows he could get out if he had to. Benjy said he would like to take more time to get to know each other before they get married.
Gary asked Benjy what he would do if she gave him an ultimatum. Benjy said he hopes it doesn't come from that. Gary said he told a friend that the way not to get engaged is to day ''Alright, here's the fucking ring...'' Sal said his wife went out and bought the ring. Sal said he just went with it and said let's roll.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Sal and Christine may not have won but they were the most entertaining.
Ralph said that he blocked JD first and he wanted to make that clear. JD said that he was being childish by saying that he wasn't funny. Ralph said that it wasn't JD's account to block off of. He said he can't just start blocking people. Gary said he did. Ralph said it might be the last time he does that.
JD asked Ralph what he was implying when he told Howard he must be going to bed because he was reading his tweets. Ralph said he was implying that Howard might have gotten tired from reading his tweets. Ralph said that people should block @JDHarm like he did.
JD said he's fine with anyone who agrees with Ralph to unfollow him. Jon let Ralph go and wrapped up with the guys. They ended the show at 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about the busy show they had coming up today. He said they have Alex Jones coming in today. He said that he was on Piers Morgan mixing it up about gun control not too long ago. Howard played a clip of Jones talking to Piers about taking our guns away and what will happen if that happens. Howard said he's going to be with them via ISDN line. Howard said he wasn't able to come in there. Robin said he'd need a shield if he was in the studio because so much spit would be flying.
Howard said the Iron Sheik will be calling in to talk about wrestling being taken out of the Olympics. Howard said Sheik is upset about that. He said Sheik was the Iranian wrestling coach or something like that so they're going to let him make a statement about that.
Howard said yesterday he finished the Oscars telecast. Howard said he knows everyone was carrying on about Seth Macfarlane. He said it's the Oscars and it's always lame. He said Seth did fine. He said he did some bits. Robin said they have to declare a winner or a loser and Seth has been declared a loser. Howard said that the ratings went up by like a million viewers because kids love Seth Macfarlane. Howard said he doesn't give a shit. He said he was robbed with Private Parts not winning an Oscar that year. Howard said no one remembers that year at all. Robin asked what year that was. Howard asked how he's supposed to know.
Howard said the academy ignored them. Howard said that movie was really good. He said that the awards is a great advertisement for movies though. He said he wants to see Life of Pie now that he's seen the Oscars. Robin said it's a beautiful movie. She said that it doesn't really show what the story is.
Howard said he likes any movie that isn't about mistaken identity. Howard said he hates movies like that. He said he can't watch that. Howard said you know at the end they're going to clear their name. He said Robin can't name one good movie that has mistaken identity. Robin said there was one.
Howard said Titanic beat Private Parts in the Oscars that year. Howard said that didn't deserve it. Howard said they may have grossed more but Private Parts was grosser.
Howard said he tweeted out about the songs he was playing. He said JD went into this Nine Inch Nails song that was pretty obscure. Howard played a clip from the show and goofed on JD about that for a short time.
Howard said he was having a field day in his apartment last night. The song JD was playing was ''March of the Pigs'' and said that it kicks your ass. Howard said JD said ''That's what I'd like to do sometimes'' after saying it kicks ass. Howard asked JD what he was talking about. JD said he was just vamping. Howard asked if he knows what he was saying. JD said he does wish that he could kick some people's asses.
Howard said it was the most pathetic hour. He said it was sad. JD was talking about how popular he was in 6th grade. Howard said that JD always wanted to kick Jared's ass. All he ever did was look good and get girls. JD said some personalities don't get along together.
Howard said that people were telling him to shut up about his tweets. He said they were defending JD and telling him to shut up because it's his hour. Howard said these people are buzz kills. He said they ask him to tweet and then they criticize everything he says. Howard said he can't even have a conversation.
JD said people were yelling at him about his Playlist and calling him an idiot. Howard said they were right about that. Howard said they went on JD's site and called him an idiot after yelling at him for criticizing him about what he was playing.
Howard said he loves Nine Inch Nails and this song is filler. He let the song play for a few seconds and said he was sitting at his computer last night working on the shots of Beth for the NY Post. Howard said he took some pictures of Beth with some cats. He said Beth told him the article was supposed to run in April but then they need the pictures the next day. Howard said they must have heard him talking about it on the air. He said he wasn't able to do it so he just gave them some from the past. He said he had to rush through some of the newer ones. Howard said he doesn't know why they needed them so fast. Howard said he put on JD's music hour and worked through the pictures. JD said that's not the thing to play while editing cat photos.
Howard said JD told him he should have played Burn by Nine Inch Nails. Howard said that's no better than the other one. JD said he likes that song. Howard said he was sad listening to JD about his life. Howard said he was talking about 6th grade like it was the time of his life. Howard asked what they're going to do about this. He asked JD if he was more connected to people. JD said he was going to a new school that year. Howard said people were more into him and now he's not into people. He feels burned by people and people feel burned by him. He asked what they can do with JD. Howard asked if he wanted to have a spelling bee contest. JD said no to that. Howard said JD can't even have a relationship with a woman. He said he's just fucking whores.
Howard asked JD how his posture was in 6th grade. He told him to do what he did back then. JD said he doesn't remember what he did back then. Howard told him to pretend he's in 6th grade right now. JD said he's not sure how he was back then. Howard said he slouches like a sloth now. Howard said to have 6th grade as his best year is a nightmare. JD said he's so glad he did this Playlist show. Howard said he has to do another one. He wants to hear more. JD said he's not doing another one.
Howard said JD has to go through some other music. He has to go through some disco music and things like that. JD said that it was a different generation. He said that he didn't discover Led Zeppelin or bands like that. Howard told JD to get out of there. He said he has disappointed him. He said he was kidding. He said that show was entertaining. Howard said he loves Nine Inch Nails but that song gave him a headache.
Howard didn't understand what he was saying about globalists. Howard said maybe he can explain all of that to them when he calls in.
Howard said it's time for Wack Packer of the Week. Howard said he has been sitting on some stuff here so he has to get to that. Howard said they have a meeting where they pick a Wack Packer of the Week. He said this week it was Underdog Lady from when she was talking to Shuli in a news report. Howard said if you listen to the channels religiously this is the best clip of the week. Howard played the clip and it was Shuli talking to Underdog lady, Susan Muldowney, crying when Shuli asked if she wanted to appear on the Howard Stern Show to spread the word of Underdog. Underdog cried as Shuli told her that people can change and maybe Howard has changed. Howard said that's a strong clip of the week.
Howard said they ran out of time for the top 5 songs yesterday. He said he never got to play them yesterday. Howard said coming in at number 5 was Taylor Swift with ''I Knew You Were Trouble.'' He played a quick clip of that and played a song parody of one of her songs where she sings about all of the guys she's dated and dumped. That was ''I Can Never Keep My Legs Together.''
Howard said number 4 was Will I Am and Britney Spears. Number 3 was Rihanna. Number 2 was Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. Gary said that he wanted to talk about something that's going on with number 1. He said they don't know how to figure out how to pick the top song anymore. He said that they're putting YouTube views into the top 5 now. He said that the Harlem Shake is the most popular video out there. Howard told Gary to do the dance. Gary said he can't. JD came in and said that it's not really a dance. He said that they have a bunch of people pop into the video after hardly any are there. Howard played some of the song and said this sounds like something they would have played at WNBC. He said it might be too hip actually. He said this is horrible. He had to cut the clip off. Howard said that's a terrible song. Gary said it's all visual.
Howard said he has a list he got off the internet. He said it's the top 10 songs that are the worst to have stuck in your head. Howard said he might not care about this. He said he might bail on it. He said number 10 is The Proclaimers ''I Could Walk 500 Miles''. Howard said they give suggestions on how to get that song out of your head. He said number 9 on the list is ''A Horse with No Name'' by America. Howard said he hates that song. Robin said that's a good song. Howard said he hates it. Howard said the song is just lame. Howard said Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes makes more sense. Howard said the number 8 worst song is Rupert Holmes' Escape (Pina Colada song). Howard said number 7 on the list is Downtown by Petula Clark. Howard played a quick clip of that song too. Howard said he used to have his puppets sing that song.
Howard said number 6 on the list is Gloria Estefan ''Rhythm is Gonna Get You.'' Howard said he agrees with that. Howard said when they were at NBC they were trying to move drive time because they hated him so much. He said that Douglas Kiker did a report about him going to NBC and NBC wanted him to quit when he got there. Howard said they tried to get him to quit but it didn't work. They did get Robin out of there though.
Howard said the number 5 worst song to have stuck in your head is Suzanne Vega's ''Tom's Diner.'' Howard said he likes that one. Howard said the number 4 song is ''Barbie Girl'' by Aqua. Howard wondered where they are. Robin said they're where they belong, at home. Howard said they should have stuck songs like this into JD's Playlist. He said they could have messed with him with that.
Howard said Jimmy Page played guitar on that Petula Clark song. Howard played more of that song to find the guitar part. Howard said he didn't hear any guitar in there. Fred said it's buried in there.
Howard said number 3 on the list of worst songs to have stuck in your head is ''My Humps'' by Black Eyed Peas. Howard said number 2 is Billy Ray Cyrus ''Achy Breaky Heart.'' The number 1 song is ''Who Let the Dogs Out.'' Howard said that's this guy's list. Howard said they suggest playing Run DMC to get that out of your head. He said he's not sure why that is.
Howard said he had a song stuck in his head. He said he was trying on clothes for AGT and he was thinking of this song ''I'm Too Sexy''. Howard said they had the band on the WWOR show. He said Ralph didn't remember that. Howard said he lied and said that his ass is in much better shape now than it was back then. Howard let that song play for a short time. He cut it off and Robin asked him not to play anymore of that. Howard sang some of the song for Robin.
Gary said that they all look at Ronnie like he's lucky to have her and Ronnie thinks that she's lucky to have him. Ronnie said it's mutual. Howard said you'd think Ronnie would thank her. Ronnie said half of that money should be his. He said he let her have it as a down payment for a car.
Howard said he heard Ronnie did a voice over thing. Ronnie said he did and they paid him crazy money for that. He said he worked for 20 minutes and got $1,200. Howard said his line was ''tether ball tool bag'' and he wasn't even able to say that. Howard played some of the clip and Ronnie was saying ''tether bag tool bag'' over and over. He had to kind of sing it. He had a tough time with it. Ronnie said the cartoon is called Duncan Goes To Buy a Pinata or something like that.
Howard played some other outtakes from the recording session. Ronnie was having a lot of trouble with his lines. Ronnie said they had to change the line for that one. He had to say something like ''Hey yo with the freak show of a chin...'' and Ronnie wasn't able to get it out. Howard said they'll have that up on Howard TV tomorrow night.
The caller said his question was about NBC and if he thinks they dropped the ball on the judges this year. He said he doesn't know who Scary Spice is. Howard said he likes working with Howie and he doesn't know how it's going to go with Scary Spice. Howard said he doesn't know much about her. He said he doesn't have a feeling either way. Howard said he had a feeling they were going to pick a bigger star but he did see her judging X-Factor or something and she was pretty good.
The caller said he likes Howie but he's surprised that they picked him and Scary Spice. Howard said that they had David Hasselhoff on the show so it is kind of a goofy show. The caller said that's true. He said he thought Scary Spice wasn't as hot as the rest of the Spice Girls. Howard said she's hotter than some of the others. Howard said Baby Spice wasn't hot. Howard said Scary Spice was the second hottest next to Posh Spice.
Howard and the guys were trying to figure out who was who in the Spice Girls. The caller kept interrupting so Howard said he's killing him with the interruptions. Howard said he bets that Scary has a lot of money. He said that Eddie Murphy must be paying a ton of money for child support. Howard said he'd love to have Eddie Murphy's baby. He said he wishes he was a chick so he could get knocked up by Eddie. Howard said he's going to interview her one way or another about that. Howard said he's going to ask if Eddie didn't wear a rubber. Howard said Eddie bailed on her quick after she got knocked up. Howard said there was as whole thing going on there. Howard said they have to get Mel B in there. Howard said he thinks she's sexy. Howard said he heard that she's lost a ton of weight and she should be dressing sexy. He said it should be good.
Howard and the caller ended up talking about Kristen Stewart and how odd she is on camera. The caller said she looks like she's high all the time. Howard said she won't look at the camera when she's on live. He said she looks like she might be a real vampire going through that initial change.
Howard let the caller go and said he thinks this Mel B is going to work out. He said he hopes she doesn't scare him on the show. He said he might have to give her a baby. He said she might be married though. Robin asked why that would stop her from getting pregnant. Howard said you don't knock up someone when they're married.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Nine Inch Nails is going on tour next year. He said that Trent Reznor is a Poseur. He said he was in a pop band before Nine Inch Nails. Howard said he gets that because now he's dressed in a suit and looking normal. The caller wanted to get into more with that but Howard said he really has to go. He hung up on that guy and moved on.
Another caller said he knows Howard likes those Fresh + Sexy things. Howard said he loves them. The caller asked if he would do a TV commercial for them. Howard said he doesn't know about that. Howard said that would cost millions. He said it would be the end of his career. Howard said that a friend of his was talking about how he thought of that when he was in high school. Howard said he should have done it. He said it's a gold mine. Howard said those things are the greatest.
Howard said you have to be careful with what you advertise. He said they have commercials with Joe Theissman talking about peeing and his prostate. Howard said he wouldn't want to do something like that. Howard said if Fresh + Sexy did something cool he might do it. Howard said he really has to take a break. He said he has to get Alex on the line. Howard let the caller go.
Howard said he has seen William Devayne doing a commercial for buying gold or something like that. He said it's something weird. Howard said he wonders what the fuck happened to that guy. Howard said you know he's not thrilled with that. Robin said that Jimmi Johnson is doing one for penis enlargement or something like that. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Alex Jones live via ISDN line. Alex told Howard that he's a big fan and he's been listening to his show for 20 years now. Howard talked to Alex about his fight with Piers Morgan and Alex said that they won't have him back on that show. Howard asked if they were welcoming to him when he was on. Alex said that they were welcoming but the studios are dirty over there now. He said he has been there before and now it's the smell of death and failure.
Howard asked if he just wants to do his own thing and not do these other interviews. Alex said that he just wants to go home and hang out with friends. He said it's not fun to go battle with these people. He said once he got there Piers was just an empty suit. He said he's happy to get on the air with Howard because he feels like a friend. He said that Piers is a hatchet man with an agenda so he doesn't like doing those kind of shows.
Howard said Alex thinks that they were plotting to kill him once he got to New York. Alex said they wanted to drive him 5 blocks to the studio but he decided to walk. He said he had cops popping out all over the place on his way there. He said there were cops at the hotel too. He said he went and stayed in New Jersey instead of staying in New York.
Howard asked Alex about when he started in radio. Alex said it was 17 years ago and he started out on KJFK which was a station that carried Howard's show. He told Howard how he got syndicated and how he does great on the internet now on InfoWars.com.
Howard asked Alex what he planed on being before getting into radio. Alex said he was thinking about getting into something where he'd work outdoors. He said he was taking classes and they were all socialist brain washing classes so he wanted out. Alex said he wanted to do an access TV show and be able to talk more than a minute. He said he wanted to defend the second amendment and things like that. He said he had a hunger to fight for liberty. He said it grew slowly.
Howard said he doesn't get why he hates Glenn Beck because they seem to be on the same page. Robin said not really. Howard said they both want the same kind of things. Alex said the government is acting like everything is going to collapse so that's what he's worried about.
Howard asked Alex what he thinks is going on. Alex said you can read what he's about to talk about at InfoWars.com. He said that we have tyranny growing in this country and we're going to end up with another Stalin, Hitler or Mau. He said that we're in the first stages of a very deep tyranny. He said that the government is buying more rounds of bullets than they were going to buy. Alex told Howard how the government is buying more ammunition than they were going to and that leas him to believe that they're getting ready for a fight. He said he thinks that they're going to get ready for a fight with their own citizens. Alex said they don't want the guns at the top to save children. He said that they want the gun restrictions for the citizens because it's the instinct of the tyrants to disarm the people who can fight.
Howard said that Alex might be losing some credibility when he says that people are after him and dressing like crack heads on the streets. Alex said he knows that can sound crazy. He said that he was in the filthy bathroom at CNN throwing up and he wasn't putting on an act. He said that it worked out though. Alex said they don't want people waking up out of their coma and realizing what's going on. Alex said he felt like crap that day he went on Piers Morgan and he walked 5 or 6 blocks and there were people popping out of doors asking what he was planning on doing. He said they were cops and that's what was going on out there. He said he had it happen 3 times and they knew where he was at. He said that they obviously had his cell phone GPS and they were out there watching him.
Howard asked if he thinks that he's paranoid. Alex said he caught this stuff on tape. He said he has video of this stuff going on. He said that he saw a guy talking into his sleeve and then hopping into a cab. He said he was arrested 5 years ago in New York City. He said he was protesting something and he ended up getting arrested. He said he has it all on video. He said you can search for ''Alex Jones arrested in New York'' and see it for yourself.
Robin asked Alex if he broadcasts from Texas because he feels safer. Howard asked if he's fearful for his life. Alex said he's fearful driving to work. He said that's the most dangerous thing to do. Alex said that time he was on Piers Morgan he was sick and he was probably even more focused. Howard said he has had that too. He said some of his best shows have been when he's been sick.
Howard asked Alex about how he's doing financially. He said he's on 140 stations. Alex said he does pretty well. He said he's on the internet, 150 stations and on XM. He said he's also got InfoWars.com with the streams there.
Howard said that Alex was kicked off a bunch of stations for saying that Bush was behind 9/11. Alex said that it was in the news that the hijackers were trained at government run flight schools. He said that he read a lot about what was going on at that time and that's what he felt. He said that he interviewed some guys who told him about what was really going on. Alex said they were ordered to let 15 of the 19 hijackers into the country. Howard said Alex believes that somehow the government used these guys and let them do their thing. Howard said it would disrupt the world and enable us to go into Iraq and Iran. Alex said the government put a bunch of Al Queda into Syria to take over. He said that our government is backing them over there. He said when he wants to go fly he has to have TSA looking for bin Laden under his balls. He said they're using this to take his liberties away.
Alex said he got offers 10 years to go stop covering this stuff and he'd be on 500 stations. He said he refused and he lost some stations. He's gotten a bunch of them back and he refuses to stop talking about this stuff.
Howard asked Alex about him talking about how they put chemicals in a juice box to turn kids gay. Howard asked what it is that can turn someone gay. Alex told Howard that they took that out of context. He said that there are plastics that they use that can get into the juice and he said in that rant that fish and amphibians are turning bi-sexual and committing suicide from the chemicals we are putting into the water. Howard said he must see that there is humor in all of this. Alex said it is funny that this kind of thing is happening.
Howard said when he went to summer camp they were doused with Salt Peter and that was to slow them down sexually. Howard said he doesn't think it slowed him down at all though.
Robin said she can buy some of Alex's argument but he doesn't have to go that far out to show that the government isn't protecting their citizens. Alex said that it's worse than he's saying. Howard cut him off and asked how shrimp commit suicide. Alex said some of the drugs that we use are getting into the water and the shrimp are getting the chemicals and they will swim right up and get aggressive and feed at the surface. He said that you can look that up on the internet too. Alex said just search ''Fish committing suicide.''
Alex told Howard what he meant when he said that there are drugs in the water turning kids gay. He said that it's estrogen getting into the food and water that's making young girls mature earlier and turning boys gay. Howard asked where he stands on gay marriage. Alex said he's a Libertarian so he's for people doing whatever they want. Robin said she was glad to hear that.
Howard asked Alex about being friends with Charlie Sheen. Alex said he's stayed at his house about 15 times and he's a very interesting fellow. He said that he shouldn't have had the meltdown on his show that he had. He said that people were giving Charlie a hard time about what was going on in his life. He said Charlie is a very intelligent guy. He said that he talks about quantum mechanics and things like that. Alex said Charlie will go out and rent a telescope to study the stars and then he'll go out and get 7 hookers a day.
Howard asked if Charlie has ever asked him to do drugs with him. Alex said he has never seen him do anything other than smoke Marlboro Reds. Howard asked Alex if he's ever tried drugs himself. Alex said he has been honest about that stuff on his show. He refused to say if he has ever done LSD. Alex jokingly said he smoked pot but didn't inhale. Howard asked why he won't talk about that stuff. Alex said it's a diversion and he doesn't do that stuff anymore. He said he's a clean guy.
Howard asked how using LSD would harm him. Howard said he did it and it was the biggest mistake of his life. Howard said he admits that. Howard said he tried it in college and it really screwed him bad. Howard said he took four hits and it was too much.
Robin asked if he has kids and if he home schools them. Alex said that he does have kids and they are home schooled. Alex said it's exhausting to home school. Howard asked if he ever has fun. He asked if he watched the Academy Awards. Alex said he didn't watch it. He said he knows that Zero Dark Thirty was a bunch of lies. Howard asked if he doesn't believe that they really killed Osama. Howard said he thinks that Osama is being eaten by gay fish and suicidal shrimp as they speak.
Howard asked Alex what he thinks about the McDonald's cheeseburgers that you can leave out for a year and they don't rot. Alex said he's not sure what to answer first. Howard told him to talk about Osama. Alex told Howard he had a guy on the show who said that Osama died of kidney failure in 2002. He said that they knew that Bush would bring him back and roll him out again. Alex said they call came out and said that he was frozen and kept at the Dover Air Force Base and they were going to roll out that body. Alex said they kept him frozen and then went to get the body out of that house in Afghanistan. He said that no one saw the body thrown off the air craft carrier and they have fired everyone from that aircraft carrier. Howard said this all seems pretty legitimate to him. Alex said it's all made up crap.
Howard asked Alex if he does anything frivolous on his show. Alex said he does talk about things like that. Howard asked how he feels about Mel B being on AGT. Alex aid he thinks that's going to be good. Howard asked if he has slept with a black woman. Alex said he won't talk about that.
Howard gave Alex some more plugs for his web sites and asked if he'll take some phone calls. Alex said he'll stay as long as he wants. He said he wants to talk about the McDonald's hamburger. He said they were allowed to add toxic and addictive things to food if you called it an additive. He said that they use silicone in their McNuggets. Howard said he won't eat that shit. Alex said that they fry liquid plastic in there. He said that the stuff is so refined that it won't rot. He said that they do that to keep the food from going bad. He said that it's mummifying your colon. He said they do that to make homes for the gay shrimp at the bottom of the ocean.
Howard said he read that Alex thinks that they want to eradicate 80 percent of the world population to start a new world order. Alex said that we're all getting hit by this.
Howard asked if he's for abortion. He said he heard him crying over children in 2011. Alex said he has cried for real sometimes. Alex said the gay marriage thing should be a state issue. He said abortion is carried out for population control. Alex said they abort 52 percent of blacks since Roe Vs. Wade. He said he is against abortion. He said they are human. He said that they are aborting kids up to the age of 9 months. Howard said that most people who are for the abolition of abortion don't do anything to help those kids who aren't wanted.
Howard said that he's for abortion. Alex said there are some people who are for killing kids up to the age of 3. Howard said he's not for that but he is for abortion.
Howard asked Alex if he's for Amniocentesis. Howard said he would be all for aborting a baby that was going to come out with Down Syndrome. Alex said that could lead to people aborting kids who will have cleft lips and things. Howard didn't think so.
Howard asked Alex what he thinks about Riley Martin and his thoughts on aliens. Alex tried to do his Riley impression but he said he can't do it very well. He did a Darth Vader impression instead.
Alex told Howard and Robin that he's just trying to get people to think beyond the left and right lines. He said he isn't there to tear down other people. He said he's just into info. He said Glenn Beck has tried to damage him and take him down. He said Beck has lied to his audience about him. Alex told Howard that he was going on FOX News a couple of years ago and the producers came over and apologized to him and offered to buy him lunch. He said they said that Glenn Beck was crawling the walls saying that he was going to hurt careers if they let him on the other shows. He said Beck has done this over and over again. Howard said he's trying to get him to stop working. Alex said that anything he covers will be on Beck's show about 3 days later. He said Beck is watching him 24/7 and it's creepy.
Howard said that there are rumors that he's a CIA agent himself. Alex said that there are some other crazy rumors out there too.
Howard asked Alex where he stands on anal sex. Alex wasn't talking about stuff like that. Howard said Alex is married to a Jewish woman. Alex said she is on her mother's side. He told Howard that he's like the number one most hated person by Nazi's worldwide. He said he's not even sure why. Howard said he doesn't get that either. Alex said that every group has a Mafia. He said some of the Jewish interest groups have gone way too far over anti-Semitic things. He said they'll call you out on anything you do and they use that to divert people off. Alex said that they point out that his kids are part Jewish and they call them names. He said some of the worst people are the people who are so focused on the Jews.
Howard asked how many guns he owns and which are his favorite. Alex said he has a Barrett .50 caliber that he loves. He said he paid 5 grand for it and it's worth about 20 grand now. Howard said he used to go to the range to shoot but not anymore. Alex said he has a friend with a ranch that they shoot at. He said he has video up on InfoWars.com of that gun being shot.
Alex said he has about 50 guns. He told Howard about his first gun that he bought for $250 that's worth about $1,000 now. He said some of them have gone up and quadrupled in price. He said that they are an investment but he hasn't sold any of them.
Howard asked Alex if he ever had a threesome. Alex said that he doesn't particularly like threesomes. Howard asked if he was a stud. Alex said he was. He said he lost his virginity at 12 to a 15 year old. Robin said that sounds like child abuse to her. Alex said that he's a red blooded American and he played baseball so he hung out with the older kids. He said he heard them talking about their girlfriends so he thought he was behind the curve. Howard asked if he knew what he was doing. Alex said he was like a duck to water. Howard asked if he's over 6 inches. Alex said he's doing fine in that department. Howard said that's fascinating that he lost it at 12. Howard asked Alex if he needed guidance when he banged that girl. Alex said he didn't need help. He said he knew what he was doing.
Howard said Alex is a lot of fun. He gave him some more plugs for his web sites and said that he mixes it all up and he loves provocative radio. Howard said he has learned about gay fish and suicidal shrimp. He said he learned that Alex lost his virginity at 12 to a 15 year old. Howard said he may have taken LSD as well. Alex said he's actually a virgin right now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a big fan of Alex's but he disagrees with him on the Georgia Guide Stones. Howard didn't know what that was. Alex explained that to him and said it's something that Ted Turner bought to keep the population down. The caller asked if that's his Christian background coming out when he talks about that. Alex said he is a religious man and he has a relationship with God.
Howard had Hanzi on the phone next. Howard said he must love Alex. Hanzi said that he finds it funny that his show was postponed and now Alex is on. Howard asked Alex what he thinks about the Illuminati. Alex had some thoughts on that and how they battled them there in America when George Washington was President.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who said that he was curious how he could cry like a bitch on TV. Alex said he has real emotions. Howard said it takes a real man to show emotion. Alex said he hasn't always cried like that. He said that he can still stomp your ass into the ground when he's crying. He also said that he has put people into a coma. He said he was joking about that though.
Janks said that he has cried but not on national TV. Janks did his impression of him crying. Howard said he had the tape so he'll play that for him. Janks kept going with the crying while Howard tried to find the clip. Howard eventually played the clip where Alex broke down crying. Alex told Howard that was totally real crying.
Howard said that he has to wrap things up now. He said he does have to take a break as Alex knows. Howard said that he's startled that he's a big Scary Spice fan and he thinks that's going to work out.
Alex was telling Howard about the books he reads so Howard asked how many he reads. Alex said he has read a lot but he doesn't have time to read them now. He said he looks up the bibliography to see what the sources are. He said he likes to read the Drudge report. He said that's a place he checks all the time. Howard asked if he's friends with Jesse Ventura. Alex said he's very close to Jesse. He said he's been to his home. He said he doesn't agree with him on a couple of issues but he likes the reality part of him.
Robin said they did a segment on 60 Minutes recently and they were talking about how robots are going to take over the world. She said they asked the guy what the people are going to do and the guy didn't answer. Robin said very few people are going to have work.
Alex said that what they're going to do is inject us with anti-stress or anti-drug use vaccines. Alex said that they say it will cure stress. He said it's actually a virus that eats certain parts of the body that makes it like a lobotomy. He said that they're already testing this on the military. He said the plan is to add it to the flu vaccine. Howard asked if he gets the flu vaccine. Alex said no way to that. He said he won't give his kids any vaccines. Howard said they have to do that to keep Polio away. Alex said that they killed people with the first vaccines. He said they're still using those original stocks. Alex told Howard to look it up on the web. He said the information is out there.
Alex went over his visit to CNN again talking about how dirty the bathrooms were there. He said he tried a few bathrooms there and they were all filthy. He said he was kind of doing an inspection. He said that place is a sinking ship. Howard said he really has to go. Alex said he had more about that place. He said you have to look how thread bare they are over there. He said it's rotting away.
Howard thanked Alex for coming on. Alex said he told Gary that he'd be good. Howard said he wanted him on after seeing him on Piers Morgan's show. Howard let him go a short time later and then went to break.
Howard came back and asked where Robin is. She wasn't there so Fred played the toilet flushing sound. Howard said he has Iron Sheik on the phone. He said that Sheik is upset about the Olympics dropping wrestling. Howard asked where he stands on that. Sheik said that he isn't 100 percent which way he is. He said something about the WWE selling out or something. He was very hard to understand. Howard said maybe the WWE ruined it for the Olympics. Howard said that the WWE is successful and maybe they did ruin it for the Olympics. Sheik said that the number one company in the world is the WWE.
Howard asked if he's sad because he sounds sad to him. Sheik said he is sad over this. Howard asked how his health is. Sheik said that he stays home most of the time. He said that he still watches Monday Raw.
Howard said they're having an Iron Sheik Roast on April 5th at Caroline's On Broadway. Howard asked if he can handle that. Sheik said that he isn't sure who is going to do the roast. Howard asked what he's going to do if Kurt Angle shows up. Or what if Hulk Hogan shows up. Sheik said in the ring he doesn't like them but he might like them outside of the ring.
Howard asked Sheik if he saw Hulk Hogan's sex tape. Sheik said he didn't see that. Howard gave him a plug for an appearance he's making at a Wrestle-Con in New Jersey. He said you can also buy T-shirts from TheIronSheik.org. Sheik said he's not even sure where that money is going. He said he doesn't even care anymore. He said that's his Jabronie agent that handles that. Howard said he hopes he gets some money from the Wrestle-Con appearance. Sheik said the only money he ever got was from the WWE when he was there. He said that they can have that money now. He said he's not interested in the roast but he's going to go if they need him there.
Howard said sheik is getting older now. Howard asked if he would like to go back to Iran before he dies. Sheik said he would but he's broke. Howard asked what he does during the day. Sheik said he watches Monday Night Raw and NBC's Matt Lauer.
Howard said he has Hulk Hogan on the phone. He picked up and it was Sal doing his Hulk impression. He told Sheik that he sounds like shit and he used to wrestle like shit. Sheik said ''Fuck you!'' He started calling Hulk names and told him to go fuck himself. Howard said he thought that he was calling in to say something nice. Sal kept going and said he needs to wipe his ass with his t-shirts. Howard let Sal keep going for a few seconds to get Sheik worked up. Howard hung up on Sal but he also lost Sheik. Howard told Gary to get him back on the line for him. Howard said he was trying to get rid of ''Hulk Hogan'' but he lost both.
Howard got Sheik back on the phone and said he was so sorry for hanging up on him. Sheik said that was no problem. He said he's not in the mood to get into that with Hulk. Howard said he applauds him for being the mature one in that conversation.
Howard gave Sheik some more plugs and wrapped up with him. Sheik thanked him for calling. Howard let him go a short time later. Howard said he doesn't think that was the real Hulk Hogan who called in. Robin said she thinks that was Sal. Howard said she might be right.
Howard said that Dr. Drew was on Adam Carolla's podcast and mentioned Robin. Howard played the clip where Drew was talking about how she came out against him after the Mindy McCready death. Drew said Howard was kind of defending him but Robin wasn't.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that Mel B is going to be the best on AGT. He said she's ultra fine. He said she's a black woman with a tan. He said he loves that. Howard said he's getting him all worked up about her. King said he would like to see a picture of her feet. Howard said he'll do that. Howard said he's got to do that judging thing for hours so he should have a lot of time to kill. He said he'll take a picture of her feet and send it to King. King said that would be great.
King was talking about Howard's walk in closet and the table he has in there. King asked if he got it from a store. Howard said he got it from Ikea. King knew he was full of it.
Howard let King go and said he read that they had horse meat in Ikea meatballs. Howard said he had no idea they had meatballs. Howard said he's never going to Ikea for dinner again. Robin said they're looking into all kinds of things now that they found horse meat.
Sal came in and said that Brian Phelan loves those Ikea meatballs. He said he gets like 2 bags a month. Howard said we eat pig and cow meat so what's the difference at this point? Howard said it can't be any worse than cow. Howard said he's not going to stick to buying furniture there at Ikea though. Howard said this just in... they found some real wood in their shitty furniture too.
Howard said they're saying that Jennifer Lawrence stays in touch with a friend from school who has Down Syndrome. Howard said he tried to be friends with a kid who had Down Syndrome but the kid told him he was too much of an embarrassment to hang out with.
Howard said he read that Simon Cowell and Carmen Electra broke up. Howard said he thinks he could get Simon now.
Howard said sitting in with them today is Bradley Cooper... oh way, that's Benjy. Howard said that's when he thinks that Benjy's girlfriend is shticky. Benjy said that if you look close you can see it. Robin said they both have skin, that's where the similarity ends.
Howard said there's a company that's having a Lindsay Lohan look alike contest. Robin said they should just get Lindsay at this point. Howard said she's right.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they got the math wrong with Ronnie and Stephanie yesterday. He said Howard should have done the math himself. Howard said he will do that. Ronnie is 63 and Stephanie is 29. Howard did the math and came up with 34 years. They said it was 33 years yesterday. Howard said they told him it was 33 so he just went with that. Howard said 33 was the closest they could get.
Howard took a call from a guy who said when he takes King of All Blacks calls he sounds like a marble mouth and you can't understand him. Howard said he thought it was his phone but it might be King.
The caller said that Robin used to be nice to Dr. Drew until he had her take that narcissist test. Robin said that's when she realized what he was up to.
Howard said that was some hair on John Travolta's head at the Oscars. Howard said that he would like to interview him about what's going on in his life. He said that's pretty interesting. Howard said he thinks they should do some news after they take a break. Howard said the show has gone by very fast today. Howard said Robin agreed with a lot of Alex's conspiracy stories. Robin said she knows something is going on in this country. Howard said he still believes that one gunman shot Kennedy. Robin said she wants to know why we don't know. Howard said he loves not to know. Robin said they were talking about how robots are going to take over and she's wondering what's going to happen to people who work for a living. Howard said they'll all get into radio or they'll make movies. Howard went into a live commercial and then went to break.
Howard said he lived with a few medical students and he gave a rabbit breast implants. He said he gave it giant D-cups. Howard said no one died though.
Howard said they kind of ran out of time today but tomorrow they'll play a This or That game with Richard's dad. He gave a teaser where they asked if he would rather use an oak leaf or a corn cob. He picked the leaf. Robin said she can't believe that he had an answer for that question.
Howard played another one where they asked if he would rather eat a possum or a carp. Howard said that's an easy one. Richard's dad picked the carp.
Howard played another one where they asked if he would rather eat road kill or a rabbit with a tape worm pulled out of it. Richard's dad said he'd rather have the rabbit. Howard said they'll finish the game tomorrow. He said it's time for news.
Fred played Robin into her news with a song parody by Eli Braden. Howard said that Wolfie went out on the street and asked people about diarrhea and drove people nuts. Howard said this one woman couldn't let it go and didn't walk away. In the clip Wolfie asked this woman about it and she said she hasn't had it in over 30 years. Wolfie kept saying diarrhea and moaning and the woman asked why they were going on like this. Wolfie just kept saying it and the woman said she had to go. Howard said that's so weird. He said everyone said they haven't had it. Howard said that's bullshit. Howard said he has it on a regular basis. He thought about it and said he really doesn't get it that much.
Howard played another Wolfie interview where he asked a woman about diarrhea and she said she hasn't had it since she was a kid. Wolfie kept saying the word over and over and the woman said she's telling him the truth and she hasn't had it. She just stayed there talking to him even though all he was saying was ''diarrhea.'' Howard asked what Wolfie is recording that stuff with. He said the levels were very low. Gary said he gives it to the guys and assumes that if it's not loud enough that they'll do something. Gary said no one said anything to him about it. Gary said it was fine on his computer. Gary said that the guys there could have pulled the audio up. Howard said Gary always argues with him about everything. Howard said he could just check with Wolfie about it.
Howard said he hates Gary's moustache and his salt and pepper look. Gary said that's fine but he's not changing it. Howard asked Robin what she thinks about it. Robin said it's like a black line across his face. Howard said he's just saying this as a friend. Gary said he's no friend. He said that he has had Howard tell him to grow a moustache to cover up his big lips and teeth. Howard said that he odes have those but the moustache looks grey and dirty. Gary said he's had it for like 5 or 6 years. Howard said he doesn't know why but it's just hitting him today.
Gary said if he shaved it off tomorrow Howard would tell him to grow it back in a couple of days. Howard said one of his worst features is his nose. He told him to imagine if he drew a line around his nose to outline it. Howard said that Gary's worst features are his big lips and teeth and the moustache and beard draw attention there. Howard said if his hair covered up his lips then it would make sense. Robin said the moustache isn't shaped well. Gary said he trims it all the time. Gary said he's not sure what it is they want and he honestly doesn't care what they want. He said Howard changes his mind every well.
Fred played a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of the Jaws movie theme music while Gary was talking. Howard said he loves Gary and he's just trying to help. Gary said he feels smothered by his love and help. Gary said he could let people be themselves.
Howard said Bob Lefsetz wrote an article about how he didn't like the Oscars. Howard said Bob also thought that he should have been on the red carpet doing the interviews. Gary asked Howard if he knew how long it went over. Howard wasn't sure. Gary said he recorded an extra half hour and he still only got part of Ben Affleck's speech.
Howard said he thinks that Adele is over. He said he thinks that she had only one good album in her. Gary said that he disagrees. He said that her album before the big hit was just as amazing. Gary asked what Howard would cut out of it. Howard said he fast forwarded through the Les Mis stuff. He said that really is a misery. He said it looks like very bad Broadway play he's ever seen. He said all of the long bits they did he fast forwarded through. Howard said he fast forwarded through that Chicago thing with Catherine Zeta Jones too.
Howard said that Seth Macfarlane was way too into the singing thing. He said that Bob Lefsetz was asking if we really need to see all of the singing. Howard said they're singing Broadway show tunes and stuff. Howard said they should have movies with more current music. Howard said that Argo had Led Zeppelin in it so they should have had Led Zeppelin perform.
Howard said he thinks it's a conspiracy. Fred told him to look it up like Alex Jones kept telling them to do. Howard asked what he thought of Alex Jones. Fred said that he had him with some of his stuff but then he'll just go one step too far.
Howard said he thought that Barbara Streissand sounded like she's losing her voice. Robin said she agrees with him on that.
Howard said the speeches were pretty bad at the Oscars. He said that Daniel Day Lewis was pretty good though. Howard played some of Barbara Streissand's performance. Robin said that her voice is gone and she was acting it more than singing it. Howard said time is cruel.
After the break, around 9:45am, Howard came right back and asked Robin if she has seen Jon and Gary's show yet. Robin said she hasn't seen it yet. She said that Jon did tell her where to check it out. Howard said he hasn't seen it yet. He said he has a link too but he hasn't had the time. He said he just looks at the link and never clicks on it. Gary said the show airs 20 times every week and they could record one episode and watch it. Howard asked if they have to watch it. Gary said that it's funny that he works for Howard and he has no interest in watching it. Howard said he's amazed that they had time to go around the country shooting this show. Gary said they did it during vacations and weekends. Howard said he's tired of doing the weight lifting around there.
Howard said that Gary and Jon were in a store where they sell vinyl records. He said he's not sure how you get worked up about that. Gary said that it's just one aspect of the show. Howard said Jack White is either performing or selling vinyl. He said it's ridiculous. Gary said that's one of his passions. Howard and Robin goofed on Gary about the vinyl thing and talked about how retarded that is. Howard said they might as well listen to gramophone. Gary came in and said that he has one actually. Howard said he saw Jon and Gary promoting the show on Good Day New York. He said he has the audio from that. Gary asked if he should say that no one cares and no one should watch. Howard said Gary was talking about a Mr. T doll collection that they went over on the show. Gary said he knows he bores Howard but he doesn't bore everyone. Howard said this just annoys him. He said it's just nonsense. Gary asked if he can at least say what channel it's on. Howard said it's on VH1 Classic. Howard said he'd like to hear the audio tomorrow where Gary and Jon get excited about talking to Jack White.
Gary told Howard that Jack White is into the vinyl thing and that's his thing. Howard said that sounds like an empty life. He said he should concentrate on his music. Gary said he was nominated for a Grammy. Howard said he didn't know the guy was such a kook. Howard said it's amazing to him that he's wasting his time on vinyl.
Howard took a call from Gary the Retard and asked what he thinks about guys who collect vinyl. Gary said he didn't know. Howard said even Gary the Retard thinks it's a waste of time. Gary said he didn't even know what it was. Howard asked if he likes Gary's moustache. Gary said it's been a long time since he's seen him.
Howard said that it's Gary the Retard's birthday tomorrow. Gary the Retard asked when he's going to be on the show. Howard said they have to figure out what to do with him. Gary said he wants to go to New York and see a wrestling match. Howard said he has to pull himself together. Howard said he was just there last week. Gary said he was not. Howard said he was. Gary said no. Howard and Robin insisted that he was. Howard asked Gary if he thinks that fish can be gay. Gary said no. Howard let him go after that.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about Black History Month. Robin said there's a road that may get a name change in Missouri. The road is called Old Slave Road. Howard said Robin likes those names because it reminds people of history. Robin said that the census bureau is dropping the word ''Negro'' from the census. Robin said that will change very soon. Howard said maybe they could use the word ''nigga'' instead. Robin said that's kind of trendy so they won't be using that.
Robin read about a politician who wore black face to a party this past weekend. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about why he did what he did. He claimed it wasn't to offend anyone. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Alec Baldwin and how he's denying using a racial slur directed toward a reporter. Howard said they have the tape and there is no racial slur. Robin said he's the best at spinning things. She said that he was on David Letterman's show denying this charge. Robin said that he could probably get away with murder and laugh it off and people would let him go. Robin had Howard play a couple of clips from that interview.
Robin read about Dennis Rodman going to North Korea. Howard asked what he's doing there. Robin said he's there with some former NBA players and coaches. They're supposed to play basketball with the little Korean teams. Howard asked if he knew where he was going. Robin said he may not care.
Robin read about this case they're calling the cannibal trial. Robin said that this guy was fantasizing about cooking his wife and eating her. Howard said the guy didn't do it though so that's why this case is going to be hard to try.
Howard had some audio from a show where this guy is in love with inflatable balloons. Howard played the clip and the guy was talking about how he can't be without them. Howard wondered why he doesn't just bring them with him. The guy talked about how he had to get rid of one of them because it kept leaking. Howard said he thought Benjy was weird but this guy takes it. Howard said the guy goes and tells his cousin that he's into inflatable toys and the cousin tells him it's weird. Howard played that clip and the guy was talking about how he likes to kiss ''him'' with ''him'' being an inflatable toy. Howard said he can imagine his parents reacting to that if he told them he was into a balloon. He did his impressions of his mom and dad talking about how crazy he is.
Robin read about a deadly winter storm that's hitting the mid-west. Robin had some audio of a meteorologist talking about that. Robin read about a bunch of flights that were canceled because of this storm. Robin said that the storm is coming their way but they'll probably get rain. Howard said he would love to get rid of snow. He said he'll probably move to Florida some day to get away from it. Robin said she has a friend who moved to the Caribbean and all of his aches and pains went away. Howard said that's where they're supposed to live. They should live in warm climates.
Robin told Howard that she took a hot air balloon ride once. Howard said he thinks that's the same as vinyl records. Robin said that's how she felt after she did it. She said people should not be doing that. Howard said Jack White likes hot air balloons too. Robin said that guy who loves inflatables must love them too.
Robin said that a hot air balloon crashed in Egypt and 19 people died. Robin said that 2 people survived. Robin said one of them is believed to be the pilot. Howard said they might be useful in Egypt since they haven't invented airplanes there yet.
Robin said that there's a task force that wants to label marijuana potency. Howard said he agrees with that. He said that stuff is strong these days. He said he won't smoke it anymore because it's so powerful.
Robin said they're saying that 72 is the new 36. Robin said they did a study in Germany about the chances of dying at certain ages.
Robin read about some people who are going to be on Dancing with the Stars this season. DL Hughley is one of them. Howard said he didn't think DL was doing so badly. Robin said Andy Dick is going to be on it. Howard said you'd think that show was too good for Andy Dick. He said they have to get someone like the Pope to go on there. Robin read a bunch of other names. Howard said he'd rather see that guy who fucks the inflatables on that show. He said that's more interesting to him.
Robin read about a ban on big sodas that's going into effect in New York City. Robin said anything larger than 16 ounces is going to be banned in restaurants. Robin had some audio of Mayor Bloomberg talking about the ban and how they're trying to do something about people dying of over eating.
Howard said he has to lose 7 pounds by next week. He said he starves himself during the day and then binges at night. Robin said they say you should eat 60 percent of your calories before 3pm. Howard said that will never happen with him. Howard said he once ate so many carrots that his doody was orange. He said it was glowing.
Robin read a story about the Pope retiring and she had some audio of a guest on Piers Morgan talking about why he might be retiring. Robin said that one cardinal won't be at the Conclave because he's been accused of sexual misconduct with other priests.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he can get on a preferred list in New Orleans for AGT. Howard asked Gary if they have anything like that. Gary said he doesn't have anything like that. The caller said he'll be there on Monday for the show. Howard said he'll see him there. He told him to say hello. The caller said he will. Howard said it's good for him to out there and see people. He said he tends to get too sequestered out there.
Robin said that Diane Lane is splitting up with Josh Brolin. Howard said they saw that coming from a long way away.
Robin read about Tom Brady sticking with the New England Patriots. Robin said that he'll be ending his career right where he started.
Robin had some audio of Michelle Obama talking about healthy eating. Howard said he likes those bangs she has now.
Robin said that Chris Christie has not been asked to speak at a CPac meeting. Howard said he's the guy they should be talking to.
Robin read about how Mindy McCready is being laid to rest today. She wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:35am.
Steve Brandano produces the show and he said the problem is that everyone gets ragged on when they do it so no one wants to do it.
Jon said that Howard played the top 10 worst songs to get stuck in your head. He said he didn't think they were all that bad. Gary said there were a few. He said he likes some of the songs that were on the list. Steve said that Downtown is a good song. He said he liked most of them until Howard got to the bottom four.
Jon said that Gary took a beating from Howard today about their TV show. Gary said when you're a rat in a cage you throw out that Robin stuff and today it really got to her. Gary said that she's doing her thing and he's doing his thing but they don't see it that way. Gary told her to try having fun but she didn't want to hear it. Jon said Robin does have fun. Gary said she does.
Gary asked why their vinyl collection is any dumber than his comic book collection. Jon said they should talk to Howard about that tomorrow morning.
Gary said he's wondering if he is a passive aggressive idiot for not coming back at Howard about his moustache and beard. Gary said that there are people who think he should do what his boss says but he doesn't want to. Jon said that Howard tells the guys to do a lot of things around there. Gary said he can see how wearing a jacket or doing something like that would help the cause. He said that the moustache and beard thing isn't that big of a deal. Jon said that people do feel pressured to do stuff when Howard tells them to.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard has to be kidding about the shaving. He said Howard would get on him about anything. He said it's comical. Gary said it gets weird when Howard does something for the air. He said maybe that's why Howard did it today. He said that Howard does feel bad when he does bits on the air and people react in real life.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks Howard really just wanted to tweak him today. Gary said he's not sure. Gary said Howard is surprised when people react to things he says on the air.
Jon asked if Gary thinks Howard and Robin will watch their TV show. Gary said no. He said it bothered him at first but now he thinks that no good could come from it if he did watch it. Gary said he thought that maybe he would like the show but now he's thought about it and he doesn't think it's a good idea for him to watch it at all. They went to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's been listening to the show for 10 years. He asked Gary why he got a moustache. He asked if he thought it looked good or did he think so. Gary said he was on vacation about 6 years ago and he told his wife he was going to grow a moustache. He said he tried shaving his goatee and he liked the way it looked. He said that's the only reason he can think of. He said there is no deeper reason like Howard thinks there would be.
Gary said he had a full beard at one time. He said that everyone is going for that full beard now and he thinks it looks stupid.
Jason said that he thinks Gary looks good with the goatee. He said he thinks that's the best look he's had. Gary said he feels good about it with it on so why would you bash him about it?
Jon said they were talking about Howard telling people to change and Jason is one of them who did. Jon asked if he would shave his goatee if Howard told him to shave it. Jason said no. He said when he was 22 years old he would do anything Howard told him to. He said he was also wearing this sport jacket before Howard told him to. He said he also showed Howard that he had will power when he quit smoking pot for a month.
Jason said Howard changes his mind a lot so he could shave his goatee and Howard would tell him he looks gross a year from now.
Jason asked how Jon Hein got out of the bashing today. Jon said he thinks that Howard has commented on how he looks like he's going to die.
Jason said that Jon really does look fat on their TV Show. He said he sees Jon every day and he looked really big on that. Jon said he wasn't exactly at his fighting weight at that time. He said he's lighter now than he was at that time. He said they shot that right after he was done with his fast food show. Jason said the show is good but Jon looked really big in that shirt.
Jon took a call from Tommy in Malden who said that Howard was very mean to Gary today. He said he loved his show and Jack White was a big surprise. Gary said he was a good guy to get for the show. He said that he doesn't understand or love comic books but Howard is into them. He said that they're into vinyl.
Gary said that Howard has picked on him for many things and the reason he sees him is because when he hits the button for that microphone in the studio his face comes up on video. He said that has led to a lot of things that Howard has goofed on him about. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked how Alex Jones is different than Riley Martin. Gary said he's not. He said Riley is out there because you get to see just how out there he is. He said Art Bell was very much like that and he had a nationally syndicated show.
Jon said that some of the guys there were into the conspiracy theories. Gary said he thinks that Brian Phelan is one of those guys. Jon asked Gary what he thought of Robin saying that she believes there are some things going on. Gary said that if they were all conspiracies then there wouldn't be any nuts out there in the world.
Gary and Jon talked about Alex being friends with Charlie Sheen and how that didn't come as a surprise. Jon asked if he regrets getting a flu shot. Gary said he absolutely does not.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Alex is one of those guys who is trying to get you to look at the big picture. He said they can focus on the gay fish thing but you have to look at the big picture. Jon said there is some stuff that just makes you go ''C'mon, really?''
Gary asked the caller if he thinks that he's smarter than him because he sees the bigger picture. The caller said he never said that. The caller said all he said was if you focus on the little details then you're missing the big picture. Gary said the details aren't little though. They're big. The caller said they are big and they're bigger when you put them all together.
Gary said you can't get to the big theory if you can't get past that first hurdle. Gary and the caller were going around in circles so Jon let the caller go.
Ralph called in and said they were talking about collecting. He said Howard doesn't collect comic books. He said that he might read them but he doesn't collect them. Ralph said he doesn't keep anything like that. He doesn't have that collector mentality. Ralph said he has a Spider-Man #129 with the Punisher in it and Howard gave him that. Gary said he's not a huge collector either though. He said that he likes records. He said they both think the other is silly.
Ralph said that Howard doesn't have that gene that makes him collect. He said he looks at it like junk. Gary said there are a lot of shows on that resonate with people. Ralph said it doesn't with Howard.
Jon asked Ralph if Robin has that collector thing going on. Ralph said he doesn't think so. He said that she does appreciate it though. She got him Harrison Ford's autograph on a Star Wars thing once. He said that she feeds into it for him. Jon said she knows what it means to Ralph then. Gary said Howard thinks autographs are stupid. He said collecting them is stupid to Howard. Ralph said that's true.
Jon asked Ralph what he thought of JD's Playlist. Ralph said he thought it was funny that he picked great artists and played some shitty songs. He said he did like the Marilyn Manson ''Beautiful People'' though.
Gary asked Ralph if he will do the next Playlist. Ralph said he would do one. He said he knows he'll get trashed. Steve said that this is the third one that has been booked for him. Steve said there's a celebrity who is doing one and that was booked by someone else. Steve said he talked to Natalie Maines about doing one. Gary said that Krista Lawrence is also thinking about doing it. Steve said that would be good. Ralph asked who the other celebrity is. Steve said he doesn't think he can talk about it. Gary asked if David Brenner is going to be doing one. Steve said he'll have to see about that. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about some tape he heard of Jay Thomas having a breakdown on air. Howard said he had a problem with a listener. Howard said hello to Robin, Fred and even Benjy. Robin asked if he's really going to speak to him. Howard laughed.
Howard said Jay Thomas really gave it to this caller he had. Howard played the clip and Jay asked to talk to this caller Jesse who has been calling in for two years now. Jay got him on the line and told him not to call ever again. He told him to go get his own radio show. Jay said he hates seeing his name on the screen. He told the guy to go get his own internet show with one of these asshole comics. Jay said this guy is an expert on every show on every channel and he's a pain in the fucking ass. Jesse couldn't get a word in. Howard was laughing at Jay as he yelled at this caller. Jay said this guy calls into every fucking channel there. He said he called into the Martha Stewart channel. He told them to get rid of him. They hung up on him.
Howard said he has this guy Jesse on the phone. Jesse told Howard that he used to call in all the time and he'd call back whenever he'd change the topic. He said it's really easy to get through on his phones. Jesse said other people are calling in and mentioning his name now that this has happened. He said that sets him off even more. Jesse said that Jay was going off on him last week and he didn't even call in.
Howard said he doesn't see this guy as someone who stands out among the callers. Jesse said he called in like 4 times in a couple of hours and it set him off.
Howard said there are a few callers that he's aware of but they don't really annoy him. Jesse said that he's the guy who tries to get Howard to say ''The fact of the mater is...'' on his show. He said Howard hasn't said that in 3 years now. Howard thanked him for that. Howard said this guy can be a little annoying.
Jesse said he called in to ask if he heard about the baseball player who got picked up in Canada and he has a pit bull and they're not allowed up there. He said his wife and kid are going to stay in the States so they can keep the dog. Howard said he doesn't understand it when people kick out their pets and just move on. He said it's a weird thing. Howard said he gets where that guy is at. Howard said he wouldn't be able to move to another country where they don't allow a dog. Robin said there are some people who throw out their kids. Howard said he gets that.
Howard was doing his impression of his dad talking about how he lived in the same room with everyone and they didn't have that much food. He said his grandmother got killed when she was hit by a car. Howard said his dad talks about how you just go on. He said he was just saying that these things happen.
Howard said he went through all of this with his parents and he wondered why he did the things he did in his life and there was no passion in it at all. He said he had a friend who told him to get this job in radio and he thought it sounded good to him so he got into it.
Howard said he asked if it was love at first sight when he saw his mother. His dad said no. He said he interviewed his mom and she was upset that she was even doing this. Howard said he told her she's not always going to be around so he wanted to have the history of the family. Howard said she agreed to do it but she wasn't into it. Howard said she was just annoyed by the whole thing.
Howard said his mother started in with her story. He said that she didn't even know that her mother had died. She said no one told them. Howard said he asked what she thought. He said his mother said she had to figure it out on her own. She said her father was going to put the kids in an orphanage. She said that they ended up going to a relative's instead when a plague broke out at the orphanage. Howard said these are the stories that he grew up with. He said this is why he's so afraid of everything. Howard said his mother said that her father would stop by for a visit every week or so. Howard said he'd be pissed about that but his mother isn't. He said things get worse after that. He said his grandfather brought them home to cook and clean for him eventually.
Howard said his mother told him about how little food was around and how awful things were. Howard said his mother's father's father came over to the United States and started a new family. His family back home ended up dying in the holocaust. Howard said his mother thinks that he's a nice man. She said she named him after him.
Howard said if Robin saw this tape it would scare the crap out of her. Howard said he's going to let his kids see this. He said Freddy Kruger isn't so scary now. He said two of the Howard TV guys were crying after this.
Howard said he asked his mother what she thought about sending her son into a black school. She didn't think anything of it. Howard said she didn't see color. Robin said she might not but how about seeing the situation. Howard said that's what he was pointing out.
Jesse was going to ask a question so Howard did his Jay Thomas impression and told him not to call in again. Jesse said that he once went into the Clear Channel building near where he lived and shit on their bathroom floor. That was right around the time they dropped Howard's show. Howard said he hopes he left a note with his shit. Howard let Jesse go after that.
Howard said he recommends sitting down with your parents and record them to get their history. Howard said he's lucky that his parents are still around. He said he would have felt bad if he hadn't done this. He said he felt relieved getting it on tape. Howard said he's lucky he had Howard TV. He said his mother wondered who does this. Howard said he had a four camera shoot going on. He said he had Brian Phelan there and directed him how to get shots and stuff. Howard said Robin knows him. He thinks he's a camera expert now.
Howard said he has to take a break because they have a very busy morning. He said he didn't want to get behind. Robin asked if Howard's dad had nay war stories. Howard said he did learn Morse Code but other than that he didn't have any stories. Howard said he lived in one room and he talked about his father's feet being in his face all the time. Howard said the whole family lived in the same room. He claims they never thought about it.
Robin asked if he talked about other women. Howard said he did ask about it but he didn't want to get into it. Howard said this was for the kids and not the Howard Stern Show. Howard said he thinks that a psychiatrist would have a field day with them if he heard the stories and saw their lack of emotion toward all of this stuff.
Howard said he just tells people that his dad killed Nazis even though he didn't. He said Gary's dad actually did. Robin said her dad did too. She said he saw Europe and Asia. Howard said then he came home to Robin. They went to break after that.
Howard said on GEEKTIME this week they're going to have that guy who was cut off by the Jaws music on the Academy Awards. He's going to finish his speech on GEEKTIME.
Howard said they got a lot of email about Alex Jones appearance on the show yesterday. He said a lot of people liked hearing him on the show. Howard had some audio of Alex crying on the air from his own show. Howard laughed during that clip. He said you have to love that guy. Howard played a song parody featuring his crying clips. That was to the tune of ''Crying.''
Howard said the guys made some prank calls using those clips too. Howard played a clip of Sal and Richard calling a Tradio show and using the crying clips to make it sound like their father was upset about their lost dog. The host was asking what street they live on and they just kept playing the crying clip. The host eventually hung up on the guy as he was crying.
Howard said he loves the commercials they play on that show. They all have echo. Howard said that's awfully cold for the host to just hang up on the guy. He was crying. Howard said that wasn't very nice to hang up on a guy who lost his dog.
Howard said Tradio is so weird to him. He said Sal called in and offered up the serial number for a product he was trying to sell. Howard said the guy didn't even ask why he would need that. Howard played that call next. In the call Sal called in and offered up a toaster for sale and he gave out the serial number. The host just says ''Okay'' and lets him read it off. Sal reads off a serial number that goes on and on and on. The host tries to cut him off but Sal keeps reading the number. They hang up on him and then Richard calls in saying he sounded like a hippie who toasted his brain on grass. Then he asks for the serial number for the toaster.
Todd said that he's the landlord of the building and he gets calls all the time about the clinic. He said he has a non-profit(VOChoice.org) to respond to these people. He said he will respond too. Howard said God bless you Todd. He said that it's legal in this country and these people are allowed to racketeer and bully this guy. Howard said they're worse than Mafia. Todd said they don't threaten him but they do harass him. He said they send him email day and night. Howard said they're trying to pressure him into getting rid of an abortion clinic. Howard said he sees these lunatics out there and they're trying to say that Obama is a communist and things like that. He said he's tired of the irrational right wing nuts. He said they're off their rockers. He said it's time to take back this country but he's busy with America's Got Talent.
Howard and Todd talked about how these people really don't care about the children. He said they just want them born and they don't care how they grow up. Howard said the fact that Todd doesn't buckle shows that he's some kind of man. He said he's 50 times the man he ever was. Howard said he would buckle in a second. Robin said she would too. Howard told him to give out his organization again. Todd said it's VOChoice.org. Todd said he's going to get back to these people and tell them what really happened to the woman who died. Howard said that it must be a thankless battle. He said he feels for the women who have to sit with these people. Todd said that his organization is going to fight back. He said this organization gives people the opportunity to fight back against the people who are bullying. He said it's actually a lot of fun. He said he's using his meanness to fight back. Howard said he's the kind of American he wants in this country. He thanked Todd for calling. He said that's an American right there. He said anyone who disagrees is a jerk.
Trump said that Mark went after him and he went after Mark while that Benefactor show was on. He said he had to defend himself. He said he's seen Howard do that all his life.
Howard said years went by and Mark got the Shark Tank show. Trump told Howard not to go so fast. He said that he sent Mark a letter about the Benefactor failing and Mark framed it and keeps it in his office. He said he thinks that's cool. Trump said he's gotten along well with Mark over the years. He said that Shark Tank came along and it bombed at first. He said they put it on Friday night as a filler. He said they call Friday nights and they call that death valley. Trump said the show did pretty well on Friday nights and not any other night.
Trump said Mark said nice things on Howard's show and then he said that Shark Tank did better in the ratings than Apprentice. Trump said he has his people call the Nielson people and they sent the ratings to Howard. He said they kill Shark Tank. He said they're in their 13th season now and they're still doing pretty good in the ratings.
Trump said that they waited to start the season of the show until after the Academy Awards this year. He said he sent Howard the ratings and they win in all categories. Trump said those numbers came right from Nielson. Howard said he's not sure why this matters to Donald. Trump said that everything matters to him. He said if Mark did beat him in the ratings he wouldn't call. He said when someone is incorrect he has to correct it. Trump said that Nielson has been very truthful about The Apprentice and he wanted to straighten it out.
Trump said he doesn't want to say anything about Mark. He said he's a very nice guy and he doesn't want to say anything bad about him. He just wanted to set the record straight. Howard asked why he doesn't just buy a baseball team to beat Mark. Trump said he was close to George Steinbrenner and it was rough to sit there when they were losing. He said they live and die baseball. Trump said there is only one team that's going to win ultimately.
Robin said that Trump did get into football. Trump said he gave it a try but it didn't work out. He said he's had a lot of fights. He also owns Miss Teen and Miss Universe. Howard said they say that Miss Teen Delaware was in a porno. Trump said they had to tell her to get a resignation letter ready. Howard said that Kim Kardashian had a porn tape out there. Trump asked if he thinks she's attractive. Howard said he likes her face but not that big trunk. Trump said she's a very nice person. He said that looks don't really matter to him. Howard got a laugh out of that. Trump said he looks at women for what's inside.
Howard asked if he saw the porno. Trump said he did not. Howard said they can't even call anyone fat anymore. Trump said they said that he called Rosie O'Donnell a big, fat, pig and he had to say that he never said she was fat. Howard asked if he still has a problem with her. Trump said that he doesn't care about her. Howard said he's going to bring them together. Trump told him not to worry about that.
Trump said they found out about this porn tape and Miss Delaware gave her resignation. He said that they have an amazing system there at the Miss Teen pageant. He said the porn came out and they had to do something about it. He said she could have become a Miss Universe eventually. Trump said that some countries are so proud of their Miss Universe that they won't make them pay taxes.
Trump said that a Miss Teen USA would have a lot of notoriety and they have to do something. Trump said he has not seen the tape. Howard said he would want to see it. Trump said they had to take her resignation. Howard said he wouldn't have taken it. Trump said they have to take it because the parents would go nuts.
Trump said there's a magazine called Pageantry and it's like 2 inches thick. He said it's amazing. He said that this Miss Delaware did the right thing by resigning.
Howard asked if Trump's twitter account was hacked. Trump said it was. He said they're fine now. He said he's @RealDonaldTrump on Twitter. He said that he has 3 million followers now. When he was hacked they put a Lil Wayne quote on his account.
Howard asked Trump who he follows. Trump said he has all kinds of people on his account. Howard said he must have researched it and learned to cultivate everything. Trump said that they are his thoughts on there.
Trump said the Pope should just sit back and relax and let people run his stuff. Robin said that you have to think that something really bad is forcing him out of office. Trump said that he has more followers than the NY Times. He said that he has the power without the money loss.
Howard asked if he lays in bed and watches the Oscars and tweets about it. Trump said he did this time. He said he was in bed with his wife. Howard asked if they were nude. Trump said he won't comment on that. trump said that he thought the set of the Oscars was tacky and disgusting. He said Seth Macfarlane was fine. He said he got roasted by Seth and he was terrific. He said he was held back even though they say he went too far. Trump said he thought there was a lack of glamour. He said even the one woman who won fell down the stairs. Howard said that falling down was the symbol of the whole thing falling apart. Trump said he thought the show was fine but he wondered where the glamour and beauty was. He said there was none.
Howard said he can't warm up to Anne Hathaway. Trump said she lives in Trump Tower and anyone who lives there is great. He said he'll say they're attractive even when they're not. He said he met Anne and he wasn't a fan at all but she's grown on him. He said it's like the Mona Lisa. He said in the end you almost fall in love with it. Howard said he just can't get into her.
Howard said he thinks that Django Unchained was one of the greatest movies of all time. Trump disagreed. Robin said she's with Donald on this. Trump said that he's never seen a movie where so many bodies exploded. He said the movie was racist. Robin said that's not true. Trump said he thought it was vicious too. He said that movie could really screw up a kid that saw it. Howard said it reminded him that our country was based on something so horrible and horrific. Howard said it was slavery and it made him feel more empathic. Robin said it did it for Howard but not with anyone else. They argued for a few minutes about that.
Howard asked Trump if he had sex during the Oscars. Trump said he did not. Howard asked when he last had sex. Trump asked what time it was. Howard said his wife keeps in great shape. Howard asked if she'll ever pose nude. Trump said he doesn't think she will. He said that she does stay in great shape though. He said that she's one of the great beauties of the world.
Trump said he has to go do the Today show. He said he will always do Howard's show first though. He was telling Howard how great Robin is too. He said Howard is very lucky to have her. He said he loves Robin. Howard said he is very lucky to have her.
Trump said that he just wanted to straighten out that ratings thing. Howard had the ratings there in front of him and he did confirm that they beat Shark Tank with Celebrity Apprentice. Howard said the new season starts on Sunday night.
Trump said that he had Tom Cruise call him asking to go to the Wolman skating rink. He said that his wife told him that he's a bigger star than Tom Cruise. He said that's what's so great about his wife Melania. Trump said she's very smart and terrific.
Howard asked who will be interviewing him today on Today. Trump said it'll be Matt Lauer. Howard let him go after that. Howard said Donald just wanted to let them know that he's beating Shark Tank in the ratings. Robin said that's part of what makes him who he is. Howard said he cares. Robin said he protects his brand. Howard said that's all cleared up so he has to take another break. He said that they have Tim Sabean coming in to give his State of the Station speech. Howard said Tim is the program director for both channels there. Gary told Howard a minute later that Tim is actually the Senior Vice President of the channels. Howard said he didn't know that. He asked who gave him that title since he hired him. Gary said that's what SiriusXM calls him. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that they have something big going on right now. He said that Tim Sabean is coming in to give the state of the station speech. Howard said he's the Senior Vice President of the channels. Howard asked if he's always been that. Tim said he has. He said that they have Senior Vice Presidents and Vice Presidents. Howard said Tim is thinking of naming a Vice President. Howard said he named some names and he didn't even know who they were. Tim said that they title means that you're on a different bonus structure and things like that. Tim names some of the other Senior VPs there at SiriusXM. Gary said that Ross is a SVP. Howard laughed. Howard said he didn't know that.
Howard let Tim do his thing. Tim read his speech about how the channels are doing and named a bunch of big name guests that have been on lately. Tim said they continue to be the epicenter for entertainment. He said Howard 101 is creating new and innovative content. He said they have new shows and went through some of those. Howard asked how much longer this is. Tim said it's not much. Fred played the Jaws music as Tim was going on.
Tim went through some of the other shows they have on Howard 101. Tim was going on and on so Howard said that it's getting boring now. He said it was good in the beginning. Fred played music to cut him off like they do on the Academy Awards.
Tim continued and wrapped up a short time later. Howard said he's going to open the floor to questions now. Sal asked Tim if he feels that defecating in the bathroom all over the floors and walls has damaged his reputation there. Tim said he doesn't think it has. JD asked him to spell definitely. Tim got it wrong but Howard let them move on.
Will asked what the channel's mission statement is. Tim said ''it's to do good.'' Howard said he wrote a whole blog about that the other day. He said he wrote about how they have to entertain the people who are in their cars listening. Howard said they have to deliver the funniest show possible. Tim said he read that but he doesn't have it memorized. Howard said he should memorize it. Robin said he should recite them every morning. Tim said he will print them out and he will have them in his office every morning. Howard said those are their core values there.
Shuli asked Tim how they evaluate who is allowed to use the bathroom back there and when will he be allowed in. Tim said that he and Gary make those decisions.
Fred asked Tim who has influenced him. Tim named a couple of guys and explained who they were. Tim said his biggest was his dad.
Jon Leiberman asked Tim about this being the epicenter of entertainment and what he means by that. Tim said this is what radio should be and this is what they strive for. He said it's the most incredible people he's ever worked with. Howard told him to spell epicenter. Tim knew how to spell that.
Howard said he wrote about how they have to be the truth in broadcasting. Tim said he read that. Howard said he knows that he did.
Lisa G asked when Tim will start his diet and how long he'll keep the weight off. Tim said he's juicing every day now but he's also eating. Howard said that he does Robin's thing but then he goes out and eats steak. Howard said he finds it difficult to keep the weight off. Howard said they're up for so long that you feel like you should be eating all the time.
Howard asked Lisa how she stays so thin. Lisa said she eats dinner around 4:30 and then doesn't eat after that. Howard said he tries to do that too. Lisa told Howard what she ate and said she even had a little ice cream. Howard said he has to try that. She said that it's Tasty Light ice cream. Gary said it has an artificial sweetener in it. Lisa said she read it and it doesn't look like it does. Robin told Howard to try something called the Yonana. Howard said he thought that's what he called her vagina.
Gary said he heard that there was another bathroom incident and there was urine all over the toilet and floor. It turns out that Tim was the last one to be in there. Jon said that Doug told him that Tim was in there before him and the logs show that he was in there. Jon asked if Tim was in there. Tim said he doesn't know. Jon said they swabbed all of this so they can test. Howard asked Tim why he would pee on the floor if he knows he's under the microscope.
Howard asked Jon how much they know about this. Jon said they have news from Doug that he went in there and saw urine on the floor. He said Tim was in there before Doug but others were in there before Tim. Jon said that Tim should have noticed the puddles in there if it wasn't him. Howard asked how he got the swabs. Jon said he had gloves on and he got wet urine. He said they'll have to ask for urine samples from the staff to figure out who it was. Howard said they're going to do this test. Tim said he's fine with that because he knows he didn't do it.
Howard wanted to know when they'll have results. Jon said they have to get samples first. Howard said he thinks they could just get a sample from Tim and be done with it. Howard said Tim might be the guy who can't get it in the toilet.
Lisa G asked Tim if he's now dating Brandi Glanville. Howard asked if that's true. Lisa said she has her spies. Howard asked if that's really happening. Tim said he has no idea who she is. Howard said she was on the show last week. Tim told them to get the fuck out of there. He said he knows who she is but she doesn't know who she is. He swore that he never even talked to her. Tim said they have to be kidding him. Robin said the tip off is that he didn't say no immediately. Tim said no after that. Howard said this is the same statement he made after Shitgate.
Tim said that his personal life is off limits. Howard asked if this is really happening. Tim said he didn't even meet her. Howard asked if he went to dinner or kissed her. Howard had him swear on the life of his children. Tim did but he did that in Shitgate too. Robin said he must have his fingers crossed. Howard asked if he talked to her. Tim said he did see her in the hallway but didn't even say hello to her. Howard said he'd be proud of him if he was dating her. Tim said he would be too.
Howard asked Lisa where she got her information. Lisa said she can't say. She said she has to keep that a secret. Lisa said that he has good taste and he likes beautiful women. Lisa wouldn't say anything other than she has her sources. Lisa said that she knows that Tim likes to say hello to their guests and she can tell when someone likes someone better than others.
Jason asked Tim what the difference is between libel and slander. Tim said those are two things they don't do on their channels. He said he's done after that. Howard asked where he's going. Tim walked out.
Howard asked Jon if he's going to look into this urine thing. Jon said he will collect samples and get them tested. Shuli said Jon lights up when this stuff happens. He said that he walks around with the stuff and he wonders why he would be so happy about it. Jon said that when you have evidence then you collect it. Howard also congratulated Shuli on his Clip of the Week earlier this week.
Sal was wondering who Lisa's source was and why she didn't say anything. It turns out Lisa was her own source. She was the one who saw him talking to Brandi out in the hall. Robin said Tim should get back in there because she has information on him. She said she won't tell unless she has to. Howard asked if he's her enemy. Robin said that if they never need anything from him she has this to use.
Howard asked why they didn't think Jon Hein had a question for him. Jon said he did but Tim hit on it in his speech. He said that he wanted a 2 hour Jon Hein's TV show.
Gary said Tim isn't coming back in. He said that he said he's done and not coming back. Howard told Robin to go ahead with her story. Gary said he's not sure why Tim acted the way he did. He freaked out about that Brandi Glanville question. Howard said that would be bigger than Shitgate.
Tim came back in and said ''Fuck you all very much.'' Tim said that this is supposed to be something and it turned into his personal life. He said his personal life is his personal life. Robin said everyone's personal life is fodder for the show. Tim said that maybe they should talk about Robin's personal life. Robin said she does.
Howard asked Tim why he's so defensive about Brandi. Tim said he's not sue why Lisa would do something like that. He said it's really cruel. Lisa said that he could have just denied it. Robin said Tim just said he doesn't date. Howard asked if that's true. Robin said she doesn't think so. Tim said that if he's seeing anyone then it's his ex-wife. He said he spends a lot of time with her. Howard said he gets it now. He said way to go even though he's not doing anything.
Howard asked if anyone else had questions for him. Jon said they have to get a urine cup to Tim quickly. Tim said he can't wait for the raises and bonuses next year. Howard thanked Tim and congratulated him on his State of the Stations address. Fred played a bumper for that and they went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that their friend Joan Rivers is there. She came in a short time later and had a mouth full of food. Howard said they have cupcakes there every Wednesday. Joan said she'd like them to wrap up her cupcake. Howard said she should be watching her weight. Joan said that at her age she doesn't bother.
Howard said he was a little insulted when she went on Jimmy Fallon's show. Howard said everyone has discovered her now. Joan said that she does Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel and David Letterman. She said Jay Leno will never have her on. She said she's fine with that.
Howard said Joan was talking to Fallon about dating that one legged man. Joan said she dated him for years. She said Howard knew about that. Howard asked what she thinks about this Oscar Pistorius thing. She said that she should be a witness because she knows what that can be like.
Howard asked if her one legged man had a bouncy thing to walk around on. Joan said that he was comfortable with what he had. Howard asked if she made love to him with the stump. Joan said she did. Howard asked if they used the stump in sex. She said that they drew a face on it. She was just joking.
Howard said Joan must have to act like it's no big deal. Joan said she didn't even know that he had crutches when she met him. She said that she was crazy for him right away. She said that she didn't care about his leg. Howard said he didn't even know to contact her. Joan said that he was an amazing man. Joan said that he danced, played golf and all of that. Howard asked if she ever kissed his stump. She said she never did. She said that some other women got a hold of him and started using his credit card toward the end. Howard said sometimes women will kiss his nose since that's his handicap.
Howard asked Joan about leaving the guy and what happened there. She said that when the other women got a hold of him she left him. She said she's met a couple of other men since him. Joan said that it was 3 years ago that she gave up. She said that she looked in the mirror and decided it was over. Howard said she looks good though. Joan said she can put dollar bills between her folds.
Joan said it's time to go. She said that she wants to run for mayor and get rid of everyone over 70. Howard said they say that 70 is the new 30. Joan said that's 70 year olds saying that.
Howard said Joan doesn't really need anyone. He asked if she wore clothes with the guy when she had sex. She said she was naked. She said of course she was naked. Joan said that she thinks that you should wear a sexy nightgown or something. She said women should be seductive.
Howard asked Joan if she went to visit Johnny Carson's grave. She said she did that for her TV show that's in its third season on WE TV, Saturday nights at 9. Howard said he didn't think that show was going to last but it's been on a long time now.
Howard said that Johnny is an asshole so why would she bother visiting his grave. Joan said that she wanted to dance on his grave. She said she got so upset when she went. She said she cried. Joan said she saw the cut the other day. Howard said he guesses he gets that. He said Johnny did give her the first big break. Howard said she got bigger ratings than Johnny did when she would fill in for Johnny on the Tonight Show. Joan said that she was so down when Edgar died and FOX fired her. She said that Johnny should have come to her. Howard said he's the same way. Robin said that Howard is mellowing now though. Howard said he can't give forgiveness to some people though. He said he can't talk about who that is.
Howard said he can't believe that Joan went to Johnny Carson's grave. Joan said that she was so down and Johnny should have come to her. Howard said Johnny was a mean son of a bitch. He said he beat women and punched them. He said this was his way of punching Joan in the face. Joan said that she would see Johnny in a restaurant and only Ed McMahon would say hello to her.
Howard said Johnny was an angry, fucking animal. Joan said that he was very competitive and that's why he stayed on top so long. She said that's okay.
Howard said he read about Joan and most of his audience won't know about this. He said that they had Topo Gigio on the Ed Sullivan show. Howard said it was a mouse that spoke to Ed Sullivan. Howard said Joan wrote the material for Topo. Joan said that was her first job. Howard said that it was so sweet and Joan isn't like that. Howard said the puppeteer didn't even know how to write. Joan said that her very good friend was hired to do it and he didn't want to do it. She said that it paid like $30 a show. She said it was very easy to write. She said it was charming. Howard said he didn't know that she was the writer. Howard said that Topo was a big hit on the show. Joan said she didn't write all of it.
Howard said Joan used to hang out with some really famous people. She said she hung out with Bob Dylan before he became famous. Howard said he was a weirdo. Joan said he was. She didn't find him attractive either. Howard said that she used to see Woody Allen and Barbara Streissand before they were famous too.
Howard asked if Joan saw Barbara on the Oscars the other night. Joan said she did. Howard said that he felt bad for her because her voice isn't there anymore. Joan said she wishes they had other people backing her up.
Howard asked Joan about meeting Woody for the first time and shaking his hand that was all sweaty. She said that it was sopping wet. She said she still sees him out once in a while. She said that they say hello but that's about it. She said that they don't have a lot in common. She said her friend is close to Sun Yi though. She said her friend loves her.
Howard said Joan looks really good. He said that he'd like to see her naked. Joan said she doesn't think he'd like that. Robin said Joan has looked good for a long time and she used to put herself down all the time on the Tonight Show.
Howard asked Joan if she gets wet enough for the guys she's with. She said she's wet enough. Howard asked if she still masturbates. She said she does. Joan said that Melissa knows that she's doing that when the lights blow. She said her vibrator has a crank. Howard said it has a windmill.
Howard asked Joan what she thought about John Travolta. Joan said he should just come out of the closet and have a good time already. Joan said he's a nice man but he has gotten weirder and weirder. Howard said he's not sure if John is gay or straight. He said he can't say either way since he doesn't want to get sued.
Howard asked Joan if she made love to Mick Jagger. Joan said he made a pass at her one night. She said that was when he was Mick Jagger. Joan said this was probably 15 years ago. She said that he was very friendly. Joan said that he was hitting on her. She didn't remember what he said to her though. She said he tried to kiss her neck. She said that she didn't go out with him because he was ugly. Now she thinks that she should have slept with everyone so she's sorry about that.
Howard asked Joan about going to Lily Tomlin's house and kissing another woman. Joan said she did that for her TV show. Joan said she had gone to Lily's house and Lily is gay. Howard asked if Joan wishes she was gay so things would be easier for her. Joan said she wishes that she was bi-sexual like Clive Davis. Joan asked if he's ever had him on his show. Howard said he hasn't and he said something about his book recently when he read about what he said about Kelly Clarkson.
Howard asked if she went to the Oscar parties. Joan said she was commenting on the fashion. She said that she thinks Anne Hathaway is very talented but her dress was lousy. Howard said she annoys him for some reason. Joan said that Anne was talking about the big pig out that she had and it was a little vegan ice cream. Joan said that meanwhile they're in the bathroom throwing up. Joan said she did that for 2 years. She said that she was told that it was affecting her heart. Joan said she would do it after eating a big meal. She said she would wait a half hour and then throw up. She said then she'd brush her teeth. Howard said she must have been in denial about it. Joan said that her doctor told her that your heart can be affected and the acids get in your throat. She said you know something is up when they get up from the table after eating and they come back without white under their nose.
Joan said that she stopped once she heard that her voice could be ruined. Robin said that's her voice and she didn't ruin it? Joan said you think you know someone and then they pull that.
Howard said that Joan went on The View and they had to hit the delay on her for using the F-word. Joan said they bleeped out the whole sentence. She said she didn't know that it would do that on a live show. Joan said she knew that she was going to say it but now she won't do it on a live show again. Joan said that she was joking about how you tell the difference between E! and WE and she said it's whoever signs the fucking check. She said they bleeped it and you don't understand what she's saying.
Howard said Joan and Melissa do their fashion thing and they call people fat. Howard said he can't call people fat without getting in trouble. Joan said that you're not supposed to mention that Melissa McCarthy is fat. She said she's a blimp.
Howard said Joan is working now more than ever. Joan said she has an internet show starting in March so she's going to come back and beg again.
Howard asked Joan what's going on with Melissa. Joan talked about the tough time Melissa had with her husband who ran Vivid Video. Howard said Melissa is saying she'll never marry again. Joan said she's dating a lot now and she says she won't get married but she thinks she will. Joan said that she dates for like 7 days and that's it.
Joan said that she still lives in New York and she won't move to L.A. even though she's out there 4 days a week to film her shows.
Joan said she's starting a new web site and no money is involved. She said that it's called MyFatPet.com. Howard said that he has a 22 pound cat and it's funny to see these animals. Joan said that it makes her laugh. She said there is no money involved but people can send in their fat pet pictures and they'll put them up.
Joan said she loves Howard so much. Howard said he loves her too. He gave her a plug for ''Joan Knows Best?'' and said that's on Saturday night on WE TV. Howard said she's also going to have a podcast and she's looking for someone named Benjamin Able. Joan said she just wants to know if he's still alive.
Howard asked Joan what she thinks about Lance Armstrong. Joan said he's an idiot. They spent a minute on that and then Howard asked about Joan having Oprah on the Johnny Carson show when she hosted. Joan said that she had to beg to have Cher on. Joan said she had Howie Mandel, Gary Shandling and others on for the first time. She said that she had to plead with the producers to let them come on. She said they would take the guests and give them to Johnny. She said it was like the farm team. Howard said that must have made her nuts. Joan said when Oprah was on she was just a fat girl from Chicago. She said she had a local show and she thought she was terrific so she wanted her on. Joan said she had to fight to get her on. Howard said they didn't know who she was at the time.
Howard asked why Oprah hates Joan now. Joan said she's very competitive. Joan said she saw Oprah about 5 years ago and she was very cold to her. Howard said he would never forget it if Joan put him on the Tonight Show. Howard said that people have a perception of Oprah and they have no idea what it's really like. Howard asked if she ever wrote her a note and asked what was going on there. Joan said there was no reason to do that.
Joan said that Howie Mandel still says, to this day, that she found him. Howard said Howie was a great talk show guest. Joan said she begged the Tonight Show people to go see him. She said she finally got him on the show.
Howard asked if she's ever had a sitcom. Joan said she's never had a call to do one. She said she was called to do the Betty White show. Joan said that the script sucked and she wanted to write some jokes. She said they wouldn't use her jokes. Joan said they told her manager to tell her to just read it as is. She said it was the worst experience of her life. She said the writers can go fuck themselves.
Howard said he heard about the Louis CK show appearance she made. Howard said Louis ends up fucking her after he gets some career advice from him. Joan said he's such a great actor. Howard said that's the greatest. Joan said he's the one who is the big one now. Howard said he had a conversation with him recently. He said he sat and talked to him for like an hour. He said he's a really nice guy. Howard said Louis seems like a really nice guy.
Joan asked if Sacha Baron Cohen is a nice guy. Howard said he's really nice. Howard said he hasn't hung out with him a lot but he has run into him in a restaurant. Howard said he loves this guy so much. He said he has nothing but good things to say about him.
Robin asked what Joan thinks about Russell Brand. Joan said he's a gentleman. She said she isn't into his comedy but he's a very nice man. Joan told Howard that Little Britain is a great show. Howard had no idea what that was. Joan said it's a fabulous show. She said it's insane. She said it's laugh out loud funny. Joan said that Howard has to see it.
Howard asked if she still hates Chelsea Handler. Joan said she's now allowed to talk about it because they both work for E!. She said they're both respecting that request. Joan said they're so nice at E! and they give her carte blanche to do what she wants so she's glad to do that for them. Howard gave Joan some more plugs and wrapped up with her a short time later. They went to break after that.
Howard said he got a lot of email. He read some email about JD and his Playlist special. Howard said that he didn't like some of his music. Howard asked if Robin was there yet. She was. Howard said he could hear her having a conversation. Robin said her microphone was off. Howard said he heard something there.
Howard read some more email about JD and some about David Arquette at the Oscars. Howard said they got some about having Alex Jones on the show. Howard said he really loves the tape of him crying. Howard wondered if he still had that. Robin asked if he ever cries. Howard said he does and he'd love for her to hear what it sounds like. Howard replayed the Alex Jones crying clip. Howard and Robin both laughed. Howard said that gets him every time. Howard played the ''Crying'' song parody with the Alex Jones crying clips in it. He also played the prank call Sal and Richard made using those crying clips.
Howard said Richard and Sal got some praise in the email too. Howard read some of that feedback. Howard said that they were asking people about Oscar Pistorius. Howard said that guy is out on bail and now he's having a vigil for his dead girlfriend. Howard said he wouldn't go to the bathroom at that vigil. Robin said she'd be yelling the whole time where she was.
Howard said Jennifer Lawrence thinks she was being hit on by Jack Nicholson. Howard said he may have been looking for a compatible donor. Robin said he looked very odd in the way he was moving. Howard said he is an old man now. Robin said it's laughable at this point.
Howard played some of the Sal and Richard interviews they did out on the street about Oscar Pistorius. They were asking women if they would rather sleep with him or Howard Stern. Women were picking Oscar over Howard.
Howard said he asked Siri to look up gay shrimp on his phone. He said Siri asked if he was high.
Howard said that scientists are saying that they're finding other meats other than horse meat in food. Robin said that they also found that Budweiser has been lying about the alcohol content in their beer. Howard said that's so dumb. He said they could tell people that this stuff will kill you and they'll still buy it. Robin said that totally destroys your credibility with your customer.
Howard said some billionaire is building a replica of the Titanic. Howard said if he had a little more money he'd build an iceberg to hit that Titanic. Howard said he knows Sal loves his wife because he bought her a ticket on the new Titanic.
Howard said he's fascinated by this cop who was thinking about killing his wife and eating her. Howard said he has to get that article and read it.
Howard said he told Gary to make a gift bag for Joan with a bunch of the cupcakes out there. Gary gave her one ruggula. Howard said he could have given her 10 of them. Gary said he didn't have covers for them. He said she was very happy with what he gave her. Gary said they gave her that and a 1 year subscription to SiriusXM.
Howard and Gary talked about what this cop was saying about cooking the woman and what he had to do to get it done. Gary said that the guy was talking about taking measurements to see if she'd fit in the oven. Howard said the guy didn't commit a crime but he was fantasizing about it. Howard said he was thinking about Rihanna and how she got a restraining order against a guy who was intruding in her home. Howard said he was wondering how she decides on who can hit her and who can't. Howard said maybe she should go off with him and get the restraining order for Chris Brown.
Robin started off talking about David Bowie's new album. Howard said Gary played him a track the other day and he only heard about 10 seconds of it. Howard said he would listen to whole albums when he was in school. He said he can't sit down and do that now. Howard said when they get back they have to play clips from Gary and Jon Hein's TV show. Howard said they'll never get out of there on time if he gets into that now. Robin said they should start with the Bowie song and maybe that will keep him on track. Howard said that might work. Howard played the Bowie song and said it's really not shitty to him. He said Gary told him the other song they played isn't shitty if you play it over and over. Howard said he doesn't know what to think. Robin said she's hoping that you'd want to listen to the whole thing if he's still that good. Howard said he had nothing going on when he was a kid but now he has like 50 million things to do.
Howard said Gary and Jon are building their TV show around memorabilia. Howard said he has to try and get through this now. He said Gary and Jon are flipping through vinyl in Jack White's store in Nashville. Howard said he has a store where he sells records. Howard said he has no idea why he's doing that. Howard played a clip where Gary was talking to Jack. Howard said he wanted to punch the wall while he was listening to this. He said they're out looking at vinyl and it's really not cool. Howard said he doesn't believe that Gary thinks it's cool. Gary said that it's cooler than Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he doesn't get how that compares. Howard said he just watches a TV show. Gary said he's just out there talking to people. Gary said this was really cool to him.
Howard got back to the clip where Jon and Gary were flipping through vinyl records. Gary said he liked the picture disk and looked at an Elvira record. Howard said he tried to get through this. Gary said he did not. Howard said he did and really tried. Gary said Howard complains about people tuning into the show and saying he sucks but you have to watch the whole thing. Howard said he wants to get back to the clip. Howard played more of it and said that they're all a bunch of lunatics. Jack White was talking about how you haven't heard music until you've heard it on vinyl.
Howard said this sounds crazy to him. Jon Hein said that he thinks there is something great about flipping through vinyl. Gary said they have a show coming up where a guy has a $50,000 turntable and they hear the difference. Howard asked when the show is over so he doesn't have to hear it ever again. Gary said it's over in 5 weeks. Howard said he can't wait.
Howard played more of Gary and Jack White talking about vinyl and MP3. Howard said he has to play more of this. Howard played a clip of Jon talking to Jack White about the shop. Gary said getting Jack White is a major accomplishment. Gary said that's a big deal. Howard asked if there's a store you can go to where you can look at record player needles. Gary wasn't sure about that.
Howard played the clip where Jack White was showing off the special edition vinyl they do there at his store. Gary said it was cool. Howard didn't seem to think so. Howard said these guys are like hot for vinyl like he's hot for women. Gary said Jack's store is about 1/4 the size of Howard's studio and they end up going to another one that's the size of a supermarket. Howard said that Jon Hein is going to spontaneously ejaculate on the records.
Howard played more of Jack White talking about the special editions they have there at the store. Howard said he was home and this is where he turned it off. Robin said we have real problems in this country and this is what they're working on. Gary asked what Robin is working on. Robin said she's working on a lot of things about nutrition.
Howard said he feels like VH1 wants to punish their viewers. Gary said it's actually VH1 Classic. He said that's very hard to find. Gary said they air the show like 20 times during the week. The show is called For What It's Worth. Howard did a live commercial read a short time latter.
Howard said he wishes Jon and Gary luck with their show. Howard and Fred goofed on Gary about the show by doing their Gary voices and talking about vinyl. Fred was talking about Gary putting the records he doesn't like into a bin in his basement and then selling them back to himself for 99 cents.
Howard played a clip of Gary doing his MTV audition. That led to Howard talking about how Gary was trying to change his last name back then. Gary said it was pronounced that way at that time. Howard was the one who got him thinking and he changed it to the way he pronounces it today. Howard said he loves Gary. Howard said Gary and Jon spent like an hour with Jack White. Howard said he thinks Jon went into a diabetic coma during that segment. Howard was goofing on Gary about the way he said Bustier back then in the MTV audition tape. Gary said he's reading a book about MTV because they have the old VJs coming in soon. They have Martha Quinn, Mark Goodman, Alan Hunter and Nina Blackwood coming in soon. JJ Jackson is dead so he won't make it.
Robin read about a gynecologist who was recording examinations and possibly selling them. Robin said they're saying that this guy may have sold some or all of the videos. Howard said it would be funny if Jon Hein had smashed one of the vinyl records over Gary's head during their show. Robin read about the doctor and had some audio of someone giving a statement about what the guy was up to. Howard said that's a big betrayal to do that to a patient.
Robin read about Tan Mom and how she just found out that charges of child endangerment have been dropped. Robin said that Tan Mom may be thinking about moving to England since she's been banned from tanning in local tanning salons.
Howard said he got an email from Booker who said he liked that cover of Diamonds in the Sky. He said another person thought it was better than Rihanna. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Bobby Brown getting into some trouble. Robin said he's headed to Los Angeles County Jail for a drunken driving charge. Robin said he's 44 now and he has until March 20th to surrender to police.
Robin read about gay marriage debates going on in Illinois. Robin said that they have people on both sides and one pastor said she was gay for 20 years until God delivered her. Robin had some audio of that pastor talking about how she never had a problem being banned from hospitals or anything like that. She now believes that marriage is between one man and one woman. Howard said you'd think she'd be a little bit sympathetic to the cause. Howard said she's still gay as far as he's concerned.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what Benjy has on Howard that makes him keep him around. Howard said he's not sure what he means. The caller said he shows up late all the time. Howard said he hasn't been showing up late lately. He said he got that shit together.
Ralph called in and said he's surprised that Jon Hein sits there not saying anything about Gary's love of vinyl. Howard said that Jon isn't into it and he's probably burning albums at home. Howard said Jon was laughing at Gary while he was in there earlier. Gary said the show isn't all about vinyl but it has a heavy vinyl influence. Howard told Gary to carry on, he's doing great. Ralph said he heard from some people that they really liked the show.
Robin read about breast cancer and how many more younger women are getting it. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about that. Robin said that overall rates are still low for the group but it is still there.
Howard said he was watching The Bachelor and this girl on the show had such great cans. He said it's a shame that women have to chop them off. Robin said they do rebuild them. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a schizophrenic man who killed and dismembered his mom. Robin said the suspect implicated himself in the death when they found a saw in the apartment. Robin said the guy called the police and said his mother was missing. Then he cracked under questioning.
Robin said there are some communities zeroing in on video games over violent behavior. Robin said they're trying to ban video games in some communities. Howard said it would be so great if that was true. Robin said they say that they're trying to ban the games to anyone under the age of 18 in Hartford, Connecticut. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about the need for this bill. Howard said they were being blamed for a while there. Howard said Hitler played a lot of video games.
Robin read about it being the last day of Pope Benedict's time as Pope. Robin said he appeared before tens of thousands of people. Robin had audio of him giving his last speech. Robin said tomorrow will be a Pope-less day. Howard said he doesn't think that he's been alive without one. Robin said he has. She said there have been Popes that die and they had to pick a new one. Howard played the clip of the Pope speaking and realized he was speaking in English. Howard said he was about to say he likes it when he speaks in another language but he thinks this is English. He said he should skip to another language. Howard said he hopes they get a black pope. He played a bit they created with a black preacher with some church music behind him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Scary Spice is a shitty pick for a judge. Howard said he doesn't know that because she hasn't done it yet. Howard said that you really don't know until she does it. Howard said that she is attractive to look at. Howard said she has had a career in show business and they'll have to see how she is. Howard said we have to give her a chance. Howard said people thought that he wouldn't be good as a judge and now look at him. The caller said he thinks that Scary is more famous for fucking Eddie Murphy. Howard said he will work with whoever they put in there. He said it'll be the same thing. He said that he's the anchor guy anyway. The caller said that the reason why the shrimp are committing suicide is because they'd rather die than end up on a plate in front of Baba Booey.
Robin read about a statue of Rosa Parks that's going to be put up in Washington DC. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about Rosa since she knew her. Robin said this will be the first full size statue of a black person in the capitol. Howard said Rosa really did something brave. Howard said everyone thinks that they would do the same thing but she was the one who did it. He said he'd like to see the statue of her being from the age she was when she did it.
Robin read a story about young drivers dying on the road. Howard said it scared the hell out of him when his kids started driving. He thinks that they shouldn't start until their 30. Robin said there have been a lot of 16 and 17 year olds dying lately. Howard said that there's always that one story from high school where the kid dies. Howard said it just happens and it's awful.
Robin read about the problems they have in Colorado now that they have legal medical marijuana. Robin said that they are having trouble figuring out the standards they need to put in place. Robin had some audio of a guy commenting on that. Howard said this is a bunch of stoner's trying to figure this stuff out.
Robin read about people in a Michigan community who are functionally illiterate. Robin said that they don't know how to read and it might be a learning disability and it hasn't been addressed.
Robin said that Downton Abby might be introducing its first black character. Robin said they are going to have the guy playing a jazz singer.
Robin said that Jack Schlossberg has been named the heir apparent in the Kennedy family. That led to Howard doing his Ted Kennedy impression and talking about the kid. Howard said he hopes he likes to drink. They ended the show a short time later. They were done at 10:10am.
Jon went over some of the other stuff they'll get to today. He mentioned how Howard and Robin were goofing on their TV show. Jon said he hopes that everyone gets to check out their show and form their own opinion. Jon said he does have a bunch of vinyl of his own but he may not be into it as much as Gary is. Jon said they'll talk more about that when Gary gets there.
Jon said he has Lisa G there to talk about what happened with Tim. Jon said she presented it as a news story with a source. He asked what she was doing there. Lisa said she felt that the news conference was kind of formed and pre-conceived so she just threw it out there for fun. Lisa said TMZ asks a bunch of crazy questions and she thought it would be fun.
Jon asked Gary if she did the wrong thing. Gary said no. He said it could have back fired on her but Tim says things are all forgiven. Gary said he thinks that Tim is over reacting. He said he's not sure why he didn't just say that he's not dating her. Jon said that Lisa totally made this up so they have to put that out there. Gary said that people are going to hear half the show and ask Tim what's going on. He said he can just say no to his kids when they call.
Jon said that Tim didn't cut it off when he should have. Gary said that he didn't swear on the life of his kids and that made them all groan. Jon said the more he denied it the worse things got for him. Jon said he thought he did a good job with the address in the beginning but then he got kind of shticky.
Jon said he thinks that Robin was joking about having something on Robin. Lisa said she's not sure about that. She said that they did a lot of juicing in the back together so maybe they know something about each other.
Jon asked Jon Leiberman what he thought about that. Leiberman said that the only mistake Lisa made was backing off of saying she had a source. He said he wouldn't have insisted that he had a source. Jon said that Lisa was her own source though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Lisa seemed to get jealous of Tim when he was flirting with that Brandi woman. Lisa said that he wasn't flirting with her. Lisa said that he's the best boss she's worked with and she loves working with him. Gary said that sounds like it's coming from a woman who sees her bonus going out the window. Lisa said she really feels that way.
Gary said this was a joke and Tim was over reacting to it. They also brought up the bathroom incident and how they've been sitting on that for about 3 weeks now. Leiberman said they have the evidence and they have the log so they're looking into it. Leiberman said that he can only say what they know. He said that Richie Wilson urinated that morning. Tim, Ronnie and Gregg all went and the time line is pointing at Tim. He said the reason is simply being that Doug opened the door and saw the urine after Tim had been in there. Leiberman said that maybe Tim went in and didn't see it. He said that's a possibility. He said Tim is in the mix if you look at the chronology.
Gary said while all of this was going on he had a parade of people coming in and telling him about the bathroom. He said Jon walked into his office with the evidence and dropped it on his desk. Gary said he told him to get that off of there. He didn't want the urine on his desk.
Jon asked how long it'll be before they get results back. Jon said they have to get the samples first. He said they have ways of getting around it if the person won't give a sample willingly. He said they have a bathroom there that they use regularly. Gary said they all flush though. Leiberman said that not everyone flushes. He said they don't all wash their hands either.
Lisa asked if there will be another State of the Station address. Gary said of course there will be. He said they may do it once or twice a year. Lisa asked if Tim will do it again. Gary said if he's still in that position then he will.
Lisa asked who is going to become the Vice President. Gary said he has no idea but he'd like to be. He said he was promoted to the Executive Producer of the show about 5 years ago but it really means nothing. He said it's just a title. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a big vinyl collector himself and he has to support Gary and Jon's show. He said that anyone who doesn't appreciate it is just a jerk off. Gary said he doesn't mind if someone doesn't appreciate it but he doesn't understand why someone would think that no one would appreciate it.
Jon said according to Howard he doesn't even appreciate it. Jon said he actually went in with a picture disk with the Sgt. Pepper album that he was going to hang up in the office. Gary said he showed him his Toto's Africa with a map of Africa on it. Gary said Howard knew a lot about that one that Jon showed him. Jon said he did. He said he actually has that one.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think that Howard is losing touch with the younger comedians since he doesn't know who Daniel Tosh or Seth Macfarlane is. Gary said Howard knows who Seth is. Gary said he's not sure he would know who Daniel Tosh was if he didn't have kids. Gary said you can't know who everyone is.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he worked in radio himself and he wonders about the vinyl thing and if it's off the radar until a certain number of people know about it. Gary said vinyl might represent a time when Howard was working hard and not getting paid very much. He had to play those records back then. Jon said it might be looked at as a road block to what he wanted to do on radio.
Gary said he remembers when they moved from vinyl to CD at K-Rock. He said it didn't matter much to them since they weren't playing music anyway.
Jon said that he and Gary were trying to defend their show but they're not sure what they could do. Gary said Howard makes it seem like no one likes vinyl so they won't care. He said that's just not the case though. He said now he thinks that Howard would hate the show even more if he watched it.
Jon asked Steve if he has any vinyl. Steve said he does but he knows that people will just call them hipster douche bags. He said he likes going through records and picking through them. He said it's fun to look at them in the store. Jon said he loves Robin but it really pissed him off when she was laughing over what they were saying.
Gary said that their best moment is going through records at Amoeba records. He said that Howard may goof on them the most about that one. Jon said that they went to a vinyl press company and that's what they'll get goofed on most about.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he can't stand Lisa G. He said she's not a team player and she doesn't fit in with them. Jon asked if he thinks she was wrong for asking Tim that question. The caller said that she was. He said she had no right to ask it. Gary said he thinks it was a joke. Jon said she said earlier that it was too serious and she was trying to throw a spark into the bit. Gary said he thought she had something interesting and then thought that it can't be true. He said he thought Tim would squash it but he didn't so he wasn't sure what was going on there.
The caller said they have to hear this Podcast called Stern Nation and they spend so much time on Lisa G. He said it's kind of in a bad way and he agrees with what they say. The guys spent another minute talking about Lisa's question and then went to another break.
Jon said Joan was talking about going to visit Johnny Carson's grave and she got emotional about it. He said that she shined on that show and it helped make her career. Gary said he knows she was hurt by what he did to her.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's shocked that Howard isn't a big Louie fan. Gary said it's hard to watch everything on TV. The caller said he thought Joan was great today on the show. Gary said that Louis might be dropping by the show sooner than you think too.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said that Jon is back peddling now. He said that he didn't back up his bro Gary when Howard was going off on him. He said he knows he'd get shit on but he shouldn't leave him hanging. Jon said he was laughing but he usually doesn't go into the studio without asking. Gary said Jon talks to Howard and he's calm and can laugh. He said he's the one who gets pissed off so that's the one Howard is going to goof on. Ralph said he shouldn't defend Jon then. Gary said he knew Howard wanted to fuck with him. He said Howard was saying ''Gary's show sucks'' and not even mentioning Jon. Ralph said that was great. He said said he never heard a ''we'' from Jon. Steve said Jon was just going along with it. Ralph said it was like Jon didn't even want to be there. He said it's the funniest thing.
Gary said that Howard said Jon doesn't even like vinyl. Jon said that bothered him too. He said that's when he went out to get a record but then Howard moved on to a commercial. Jon asked if Ralph liked ''Gary's show.'' Ralph said he did until Jon dropped in on it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves vinyl and the sound of it. Gary said he understands. He said that people think that vinyl sounds better. Gary said he still listens to digital files too though. He said that he's not going to listen to vinyl exclusively. He said he hasn't gone back to not having electricity.
Jon moved on to talk about Donald Trump and what he was calling in for today. He said Trump likes calling into the show and he had to straighten out that Mark Cuban thing. Jon said he was on Robin's side in the Django Unchained thing.
Gary said he spoke to Donald Trump yesterday and he calls him Mr. Trump. He said there are people who are always Mister and Mr. Trump is one of them. He said Trump called him Gary but he stuck to Mr. Trump.
Jon said that Howard was talking about taping his parents and getting their history on tape. Gary said he did the same thing with his parents. He said that it was very emotional to talk about that stuff. Gary said he's glad that he has them and he's glad Howard did this too. He said Howard will cherish them forever. He said his kids will too.
Jon said he thinks it's great too. Jon said he doesn't think that it's that strange that Howard's parents didn't think that much of how tough they had it as young people.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he knows Joan is a big deal but today she did that Topo Gigio thing and it would be great for torturing prisoners. He said her voice is bad enough and then she did that impression. He said he didn't know whether to throw up or kill himself.
Jon had Ralph on the phone again. He got in a plug for GEEKTIME as they were ending the show. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard's Embarrassing Load. 02/28/06. 6:00am
Howard started off today's show saying that he had a problem and he was freaking out. He said he was kind of embarrassed by it. Last night he got home and was really tired because he got out of a meeting at 7 o'clock. Beth wasn't home because she's out in Pittsburgh. He got home and was excited because he wanted to get into bed and relax a little bit. He hopped in and watched a little TV but nothing was on except for 'Skating with the Stars.'' He said that was actually pretty good because Christy Swanson appears to be in love with her skating partner.
Howard said that he missed Jillian Barberie on the show but saw that she looked like she was just about naked. He also talked about Christy Swanson not looking all that good anymore. Artie asked if we were going to have to hear about this show every week now. Howard said that show is just about over so he doesn't have to worry about that.
Howard said he was waiting for the season finale of 'The Bachelor' that was on last night. He didn't see it though. He told the guys that he was totally fixated on Christy Swanson and her skating partner. The guy has left his pregnant wife to be with Christy. He said that it's like a train wreck watching Christy and this guy skating and holding hands and stuff. He wondered what goes on off the camera with those two.
That wasn't even the embarrassing part for Howard. He said he was watching that show and then started to watch 'The Bachelor.' He was all stressed out and knew he couldn't stay up to watch that show. He figured he'd get some shredded wheat and figured he'd throw some Ambien in there so he could get some sleep. He turned off 'The Bachelor' so he wouldn't get all caught up in that.
Howard said he was laying there and figured he'd whack off before going to sleep with the Ambien. He had his three tissues ready to go so he unloaded into the one tissue, wrapped that one in a second tissue and then wrapped up that mess with the third. He usually gets up and puts those in the garbage so the cleaning woman doesn't see it. He ended up passing out after he put it on his night table.
Howard got up, got ready to go to work, left the building and then went to work. As he arrived at the building he realized that he didn't throw away the wadded tissues. They're balled up with his jizz in it. He said he couldn't go home to get rid of it but he seriously thought about doing that. He's very nervous about it now that he's' thinking about it.
The cleaning woman will probably think he blew his nose and will just throw it away. He said it will be kind of heavy and it will have that weird ammonia smell to it. He said he likes to smell his own loads and that's what it smells like to him. He's still thinking about doing a recon mission to throw the stuff out. He wondered if he could send someone over there to pick it up and throw it out. Sal came walking in and offered to go over but Howard said he doesn't want him at his apartment.
Sal was pissed that Howard doesn't trust him even after working there for a year. The guys suggested JD instead. Gary came in and said that JD is working on something important so he may not be able to do it. He's working on a Ronnie documentary for the Howard Stern Film Festival. That led to Howard saying that they're anticipating a lot of movies to come in for that. JD said that he's covering Ronnie there, at home and at Scores. Gary was surprised that Ronnie was going to give him access at home.
Gary said that the best person to send is Jon Hein. He trusts him enough to let him go. Howard wasn't sure he wanted him to handle his jizz tissues. Jason was up next. Howard figured that he might be better than Jon Hein. Jason came in and said he's not thrilled about it but he will do it if Howard wants him to.
Gary offered to go up himself because it wouldn't take that long. Howard told him where to go since he knows the apartment. He told Gary to call him from the apartment and he'll direct him from there. Artie thought that was best to send Gary over there so they won't have someone who is too impressed with the place and might get sidetracked. That led to Howard talking about how nice some celebrity houses are. Artie mentioned that Adam Sandler had a really nice place out in California that he visited. He wasn't sure if he was renting it or owned it.
Howard said that Sam Kinison used to rent a nice place out there and he would keep the pool as hot as possible and must have kept the Arabs in business by burning a ton of oil. Ronnie came in and got Howard's key so they could get into his apartment.
Artie asked Howard about other celebrity homes so they talked about Rick Rubin's place, and Joan Rivers' place. Gary came back in and asked if they wanted a camera over there. Howard said he would let them do it if he could view the footage first but then he thought that the people in the building might get upset. He told him to just go over there and get the jizz tissues and leave the camera behind. Howard said he's really embarrassed by this because he's 52 years old and jerking off leaving tissues behind.
Howard said that Beth's father heard him talking about jerking off yesterday so he told her about that. He said he's the one who gave him his first SIRIUS tuner so it's kind of his fault. He said the guy also heard him talking about how he wanted to put his tongue in Beth's ass one time so that was kind of weird too because he's trying to be an upstanding guy with her family.
Beth will be on ''The Better Half'' show tonight talking about being with him and what that's like. She'll probably tell the story about how she met him and how her mother wouldn't talk to her for two weeks after she heard that she was dating Howard Stern. Artie said he loves that story.
Operation Tissue Retrieval. 02/28/06. 6:35am
Howard said that there's an article in the paper today about the people who took over for him on the stations he left behind when he went to satellite. He said that David Lee Roth lost about 3/4 of his listeners in New York. He ranked between Don Imus and a Spanish speaking station. Imus picked up none of his audience which was the most unbelievable thing to Howard.
Howard interrupted and said that Gary was in his apartment so he had to get to that. Howard explained the story again and told everyone how he jerked off and may have left his tissues next to his bed. Gary told Howard where he was going and tried to find the bed where the tissues might be. Howard guided him over to the night stand and there was nothing there. Howard had him look on the floor too. Howard really wasn't sure what he did with them because he had taken the Ambien. Gary looked under the pillows and in the sheets and didn't find anything.
Howard even had him shaking the sheets out. Nothing came out. Howard sent Gary into the bathroom to inspect the toilet to see if they were in there. Gary couldn't find the light in there so Howard told him to just forget it. Gary went ahead and found it and said the toilet was empty.
Howard told Gary to come back and talked about how sure he was that he left that stuff by the bed. He was so out of it on the Ambien that he doesn't know what he did. Artie said he had an issue with his toilet last night and had to use the plunger. He ended up leaving the plunger out on his terrace so he can clean it today. Artie said that when he gets his plunger dirty, he usually scrubs it in the toilet with boiling hot water. Howard said he just rinses it off and puts it back on the floor. Artie said he actually buys a new plunger once a month or so because he's shitting out the vending machine every night.
In the clip Howard said they had a mouse in the office. He said they decided to pull a prank on Gary. He said he told Jackie to get the tape recorder so they could get it recorded.
Howard said Gary had a dentist appointment so they all knew about that. He said Gary does catch on pretty quick to this joke. Howard said when he's not catching mice with a cup he's checking for tape. Howard said he just wants this mouse dead. He said they have a humane trap for it but he doesn't care about that. He said they have like 3 traps to use. He said with their luck they'll catch Mark Chernoff in one.
Howard said what happened was he told Gary to clean out the whole office. He said he wanted him to take everything out of there and clean it. Gary said he has the biggest desk in the whole company. Howard said Gary can't say no but he's trying to convince him not to do that. Howard said he tells him he wants it cleaned now but he has a dentist appointment.
Howard played the audio from the office. Howard said you can hear Billy West in there and heard Fred shuffling carts. Then Howard tells Gary they have to get that office cleaned today. He said he wants everything out and then get everything cleaned and checked for mice. Gary said if you lift it all then the mouse runs. Jackie said they have dust that you can put down that poisons them. Jackie said he's not sure how that works though.
Howard said this is like 3 days of work he's telling Gary to do in one day. Howard played more of the tape and Gary says he'll do it but he doesn't think this is the solution. He suggested an exterminator. Howard said they don't want poison sprayed in there. He told Gary to get everything out of there and then vacuum. Gary said this is just cleaning. He said he doesn't mind doing that but he doesn't think it's going to work. Howard said he wants everything out of there. He pointed out boxes, carts, a bulletin board and more. Gary then asks if they're taping this. Jackie said Gary is a pisser. He told Gary they're going to help him and he won't have to do this on his own. Gary said he's not sure this is the solution. Jackie and Howard kept going and kept telling him they need this cleaned. Fred mumbled something and Howard said he was just throwing in a little reality. He said Fred is just being himself and throwing in some reality there.
Howard played more of the tape and they kept on Gary about cleaning out the office. Howard told him to take everything out. He said he wanted it done by tomorrow. Howard said Gary is getting nervous because he's thinking about his dental appointment. Jackie was giving him some advice on how to do it and it was even more work. Howard said he told him to move one side of the room, clean that side of the room and then move it all to the other side and clean that. Howard said the safe they have in there weighs like 500 pounds.
Gary said he needs help from Howard about what to throw out. Howard told him to just throw it out. Howard said he was like a man on fire. Gary told them that he needed to go to the dentist. Howard told him to cancel. Gary said he would rather not. He said he's had this appointment for 2 months. Howard said it takes him 2 months just to get his gums cleaned. Howard said if they don't do it now they'll have twice the number of mice. They kept this up for a couple more minutes.
Win Fred's Money. 2/28/01. 8:45am
Another smart guy came in this morning to try and Win Fred's Money. The jackpot is up to $20,000 after Crazy Cabbie lost the second round against Fred. Today's player is Joe Patridge who has an IQ of 140 and scored 1390 on his SATs. He's also unemployed. He told Howard he was bored with his financial marketing job so he took a year off to tour Asia. Howard said he looked kind of like a hippie and asked him if he was. Joe told Howard that he smokes some pot once in a while but he doesn't think of himself as a hippie.
Howard had Fred head off to Robin's sound proof booth so they could have Joe play the game. Joe has 60 seconds to answer as many of the following 7 questions as possible. Here they are:
Black Jeopardy Replay From February 28, 1995. 07/09/08. 10:15am
After the break we heard a replay of a Black Jeopardy segment from February 28, 1995. This was not in my archives. Here's a quick synopsis:
Howard got dressed up in a Dashiki and Afro and called himself Alex Treblack for this game of Black Jeopardy. Jackie was also dressed up but Fred and Billy West weren't. Howard went on to say that he had invited 3 African Americans from Harlem to come up and play this game. Gary told Howard that one of the guys was on the phone telling his grandmother to tune in and listen but he had to get on and explain it to the woman.
Howard brought in the three contestants who were all men. He spoke to each one for a short time before getting into the game. Howard told them that he was going to be Alex Treblack and asked them what their names were. He ended up giving them new names like Louis Farakook, Bill Avoida and Jesse Jacksoff. The guy that got the Jesse name didn't like that so Howard had to come up with something else. He gave him Will Fare instead. That guy gave Howard a name of Mighty Whitey.
Howard moved on to the game after spending a few minutes talking to the guys about what they do for a living and stuff like that. Gary ran down a list of prizes they had and the grand prize was a ski package. Howard wondered why they had that since he figured there weren't many black guys from Harlem who ski. Howard had Gary mix up the tickets so the winner would get Knicks tickets and the loser gets the ski package.
Howard gave the guys their categories and then had them try to answer the questions he had for them. They had all kinds of questions about sports, potpourri, black leaders, television and more. Will Fare lost and Bill Avoida came in second. Louis Farakook won the game.
Which Clip Isn't Porn Game. 2/28/03. 7:30am
Howard got back to the ''Howard Stern The High School Years'' cartoon. He said one of his childhood friends is a young Mohammed Atta. He said he's also going to have stuff like his mother taking his temperature anally when he comes home from school. He went on to talk about having sex with a girl for the first time and how he finished so quick that he pretended that he didn't want to do it at all. Howard said she ended up crying and called her boyfriend. He said stuff like that will end up in the cartoon. Howard talked about some of the other dopey things he did when he was a kid. He said he played some Neil Young (Down by the River) when he was having sex and it just didn't work. He also said he thinks he was going to give her oral but ended up just sniffing around a little bit down there. Howard had the Neil Young song he was talking about playing in the background. He played some other Neil Young stuff and goofed on him a little bit. Artie was singing along to some of the songs and a listener called in and said he actually sounded pretty good. Howard had Artie sing along a little more and said he sucks. He continued to play the Neil Young stuff for a couple of minutes. Artie wondered how great it would be if they were drunk right then. Howard said that they're pretty sure they're going to Las Vegas in April (no date announced yet) to do 3 shows. He said one of the shows will be a drinking show. Robin said she doesn't want to do that again though. Robin said she ruined a couple of people's lives when she was drunk and she had a hangover for a few days after. She said she's just not going to drink again.
Gary said he has to go listen to some Neil Young when he goes home. Howard said he loves Neil Young too but he won't' be going home to listen to it.
The Private Parts Post Movie Premiere Party. 2/28/97. 6:00am
Howard taped today's show last night at the party after the premiere. The whole show was full of celebrities coming up and kissing Howard's ass. Here's a list of some of the people that did the kissing:
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 8:55am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:15am.