|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard and the guys were back today after being off yesterday. Howard started the show talking about how busy they're going to be this week. Howard said they were off for a week so they have a lot to catch up on. He said he has a lot of guests today. Howard said they have Brandi Glanville from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills coming in. Howard said her husband just ran off with LeAnn Rimes. Howard said David Spade will be coming in today too.
Howard said that Jewel performed his song ''Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes before they left. He said Fred remixed the song with drums and some other stuff. Howard said he played it for Jewel and she said Fred did a great job with that. Howard said people were saying they couldn't get the song out of their heads over vacation. Howard played the song and Robin asked if this covers up the words. Fred also took Howard's voice out of the song. Howard said he didn't ask to be in it. Fred replaced Howard's voice with his own.
Howard said you can see how it sounds now. Robin said Howard is even bored with it. Howard said he is. He let the song play a little longer. He said Fred did a nice job with it. Fred said she has a great voice. He said he had to listen to it a lot and it was good.
Howard said he saw a tribute to Bob Marley on the Grammys and he's not sure how it was a tribute. He said it wasn't until the end. Howard asked if LL Cool J is still relevant. Robin said he's on a CBS show and that's why he gets to host. Gary told Howard that he's on NCIS: Los Angeles. Howard said he's not even sure what NCIS is. Gary wasn't sure either. Jon Hein said it's Naval Criminal Investigative Service or something like that. Howard asked Ronnie what he knows about the show. Ronnie came in and put the headphones on. Howard said he could answer as he's coming in. Ronnie told Howard about the show and how they're involved in the Navy and there are other people involved too. He said it depends on who is involved. Howard said they should get on that Carnival cruise and figure out what went on there.
Howard said on Saturday Night Live they did a sketch about the Carnival cruise. Howard explained how everything was being turned into a bathroom. He said it was pretty funny.
Howard said LL Cool J was on the Grammys and he used to be on the show a lot. Howard said they had him on when no one cared and now he won't show up now that people do care. Howard said he isn't a particularly funny guy so the show was a little dry. Robin said he was there for his music credibility. Howard said he didn't know about the TV show.
Howard said he likes Bruno Mars. He said he wears that hat and suit. Robin said that Prince was the funniest guy on the show. Howard said he came out with a cane and even Stevie Wonder doesn't do that. Howard said he came out with those giant sunglasses on too. He said he's like a girl. Robin said he doesn't say a thing either. She said he must be paid by the word. Howard said he's such a little guy that maybe he was picked on as a kid. He said he walks out and you start giggling. Howard said he's dressed like a woman. Robin said he's dressed like he's in the witness protection service.
Howard played some audio of Bruno Mars performing on the Grammys. He said he's glad he did that song. He said he liked Taylor Swift's song too. Howard said she's like a super model that can write songs. Howard said he read about how she had to cancel a concert and she still got to take $2.5 million for the gig. Howard said that's how much she's getting paid to do shows. Robin asked if he heard the little dig she took at her ex-boyfriend. Howard said he didn't even hear that.
Howard played more of Bruno Mars' performance and said he was good. Robin said his voice is amazing. Howard said he likes where his voice makes that sound like ''woo, woo, woo.'' Fred played Curly from the Three Stooges making that sound.
Howard said he liked when people were mouthing the words to songs. He said Nicole Kidman was one and Taylor Swift too. Howard said he likes when they do that and then they cut to Ellen dancing. Howard said he likes seeing that. Howard said Rihanna didn't sing her ''Diamonds'' song but whatever it was she sang was bad. Robin said it looked like she was going to have a nervous breakdown on stage.
Howard said the Black Keys were on and he was thinking about why Steve Brandano is still in his life. Robin said that everyone must have been thinking about that. Howard said he fast forwarded through their song. He didn't care about it. Howard said he did like that Jack White song though. He said it's nice that someone is still doing rock songs.
Howard played some of Taylor Swift performing her song on the Grammys. Howard said she should be naked while she's performing. Howard said now that he hears her song without seeing her it doesn't sound so good.
Howard played some of Rihanna singing her song and said that it was really bad. Howard said he was happy for Adam from Maroon 5. He said he was up there being celebrated on the show.
Howard said that Adele should be at the gym with Kelly Clarkson. Howard said they're in show business and they should know better. Howard said he was wondering why that guy Frank Ocean is in his life. Howard said he was secretly wondering why Chris Brown didn't beat him up so he wouldn't be there. Robin said he did a song called Forrest Gump and it was the worst thing that she's ever heard.
Howard said Elton John is great but he should get rid of that toupee. He said it looks worse than Bobo's at this point.
Howard said Jimi Hendrix never won a Grammy. The Who never won one either. Robin said Dave Grohl has 13 and Bonnie Raitt only has 10. Howard said that makes sense to him. Howard said Bonnie won Grammys for her albums that weren't even that good. Howard said they started rewarding her after she did her great albums that she wasn't rewarded for. Howard said that the Beach Boys, Guns N Roses, Rush, Credence and more never won.
Howard said he liked the band Alabama Shakes. He said he saw them on Saturday Night Live. Howard said that it's a big chick and a bunch of hill billy looking guys. Howard said this chick looks like she had a stroke when she sings. Howard said she has a great voice. He said the whole band looked out of it. Howard said they're really good though. Howard asked Fred if he had any of their stuff. He said they should change their name.
Howard said some of the bands on the Grammys looked like they just stepped out of the 1920s. Howard said he gets angry when he sees that John Mayer with Katy Perry. Howard said he has had a ton of famous chicks. He said he must be over his quota at this point.
Howard said he hates the whole Twitter war between Justin Bieber and the drummer from the Black Keys. Howard said that ain't a ward. He said Vietnam was a war. Howard said that Justin Bieber and that guy are fighting over Twitter. He said it's the emasculation of men in this world. He said they're fucking douche bags. Howard said the two need to get a room and do martial arts.
Howard said Taylor Swift was singing along to the songs and he realized that she's so rich and she can just sit in her room all day and listen to music. Robin said she's 22 so she's not in her teens.
Howard said someone needs to get a hold of Johnny Depp and tell him that he has to give up that Jack Sparrow character. Robin said at least he's not stuck in that Edward Scissor Hands outfit. Howard said he's forever a pirate. Howard said he must think he's in music somehow. He said he thinks he played with Russell Crow. Howard said they're out there jamming somewhere.
Howard said the Grammys had some kind of ruling about not wearing provocative clothing. Howard said CBS said they can't dress like hookers and that's what he enjoys about the show. Howard said they should dress like a stripper at least. Howard said they're dummies.
Robin asked about Jennifer Lopez's dress. Howard said she had that big, thick leg of her's sticking out. He said she's such an attention whore. He said she should go on in his Fartman costume. That way her ass would be hanging out.
Howard said that this guy showed that handicapped people can do anything. He said he can be a complete monster. Howard said he thought that he was a nice guy.
Robin said the guy's family is saying that he thought that he had an intruder in the house. Howard said that can't be it. Robin said that's what the family is saying. Howard said they found a cricket bat covered in blood. Howard said she may have tried to fend him off. Robin said she had a crushed skull too. Howard said he doesn't know what went on there. Howard said that the family is sticking to the story that he had a super hot intruder that looked just like his girlfriend.
Howard asked if it's wrong to jerk off to that girl's image now that she's dead. Howard said she's so hot and he knows someone who jerked off to her already. He said he won't say who that is but they are a deviant. Howard said there are rules to jerking off. He said if you haven't heard the news yet then you're okay. Howard said it's a horrible thing though. Howard said he has to take a break so he can stay on schedule. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said during the commercials he was having conversations and Gary was saying he doesn't like the Katie Couric show. He said it's doing well in the ratings though. Howard said he has a clip from her show where she was interviewing Charlie Sheen. Howard said now Meredith Viera is going to start her own show. Howard said she's the one who always quits jobs to go back to her husband. Howard said she's one of those people who doesn't know she doesn't like to work. Howard said she quits great gigs. She was on the Today show and she quit. Howard said a talk show will be too much work for her.
Howard said Sal and Richard were busy with Tradio again. Howard said someone wrote in and said they feel bad for the Tradio guy. Howard said he thinks it's the best part of the show though. Howard played the clip where Sal calls in and tells the host about this toaster and gives out the serial number that goes on and on. The host tries to cut him off but Sal keeps reading the serial number. They eventually hang up on him. Then Richard calls in and asks for the serial number. The Tradio host went to break after that.
Howard said that the hardest part of the job is denying the child molestation stuff. Howard said maybe he was sick of that. Howard wondered who is more fun loving than Pope Benedict. Howard said they're thinking of going to a black guy now. Robin said they're having the most growth of the Catholic church in Africa.
Howard said the boys went out on the street and did some interviews about the new Pope. Howard played a clip where Richard asked a black woman what she thought about that. She said it's about time. She said they have Obama and now maybe a black Pope. She said Obama gave her a home. She was all excited about that. She let out a couple of ''Woo! Woo!'' comments.
Howard said he saw some funny tweets about the Pope. Howard said he was in the Hitler Youth so now he's going to join the Hitler Elderly. Howard read a few others from people who were making funny comments about what the Pope might be doing now.
Howard played another interview Sal and Richard did out on the street. This time they had a black guy. They asked if they think a black Pope would have a bigger penis. That guy said he would. In another interview the guys asked a guy what he thinks about a black Pope. That guy liked that idea. He also thought that he'd have a bigger penis.
Howard said that Celebrity Cruises were advertising during the Carnival Cruise disaster. Howard said they must have though tit was a great time to advertise for a good cruise.
Howard said he would keep it going as long as he could if he was Janks. Howard asked why he didn't do that. Janks said he got freaked out and nervous. He said he couldn't believe she let him stay on so long.
Howard said Joey Boots was out doing stuff on camera too. Howard played a clip of Boots yelling out some Baba Booey's during a weather report from the streets of New York City. Boots wouldn't stop so the reporter threw it back to the studio.
Howard said there was a Baba Booey during a golf game too. Howard played that clip. A golfer took a swing and a guy let out a loud ''Baba Booey!'' Robin said they never acknowledge that. Howard said Janks has inspired a lot of people. Janks said you can follow him on Twitter @CaptainJanks.
Howard said he has Brandi Glanville coming in after the break. He said he has to talk to her about LeAnn Rimes stealing her husband. They went to break after that.
Howard asked what they pay Brandi to be on the show. She said the first season was $18,000 total. Howard said she definitely proved herself on the show. Brandi said the other women on cunts on that show. Howard said he thinks that the other women must be jealous of her. Brandi said she thinks they thought she didn't fit in. Howard said she's way hotter than the other women. Brandi said Lisa is gorgeous. Howard asked how old she is. She said she's 51. Howard said he thought she was 70. Brandi said that Lisa loves Howard so that's going to hurt.
Howard said the women on the show have done too much plastic surgery. He said that one woman puts too much in her lips. Brandi said that it's hard to grow old when there are so many young women out there. Howard said Brandi is very tall and thin and he thinks that they're jealous of that. Brandi said that's ridiculous though.
Howard asked Brandi why she won't marry some rich guy. Brandi said she could do that but she doesn't want to. Howard said she could take drugs and try to get through it. Brandi said she had an old guy and she had to drink a lot of wine to get through it. She said she liked his personality but she wasn't attracted to him. She said she saw his plane and then she eventually got into it. She said that it did take a lot of wine but she was able to have sex with him. She said that only lasted a year. Howard asked if she ever got disgusted with it. She said that it was kind of hard when she saw the hair on his back.
Howard said Brandi has written a book called ''Drinking and Tweeting: And Other Brandi Blunders'' and she'll be signing at some book stores soon.
Howard asked how much of a raise she got after the 18 grand season. She said this year she got $136,000. Howard said that's pretty good money but they must be making a lot off of that franchise. Brandi said that it gives her a platform to do other things. She said she got to write a book and people are asking her to do other things for money. She said that the other girls are making $250,000 for the show. She said she wants that same thing. She said she thinks she works hard.
Howard said that she could threaten to walk away. Brandi said she could go out and strip or something. Howard said they're throwing money to that woman whose husband killed herself. They didn't fire her. Brandi said that they can't just fire her after that.
Howard said Camille Grammer was on the show and she has changed a bit. Brandi said she's very sweet but there's not a lot going on there.
Howard said this story about Brandi's husband going off with LeAnn Rimes is wild. Brandi said that when they broke up is when they got into that. She said she started a Twitter war with him after that.
Howard said that Brandi is saying that she thinks that LeAnn isn't that good looking. Brandi said she wrote her book like 4 years ago so she was more angry back then. She said that LeAnn is way thinner than her and she's not a bad looking woman. She asked ''What are you going to do?''
Howard said Brandi has two kids and she finds out that her husband is with LeAnn. He said that must have been hard. Brandi said it was. She said that her friend told her that it was on Perez Hilton and then it was on the cover of Us Weekly. Howard asked if it was about the money. Brandi said she doesn't think so. She said that he likes the extra pussy. She said that they just bought a really fancy mansion. She said that she's never going to rely on a man for money again. She said that she can't do that. Robin asked if she can get money from LeAnn. Brandi said she can't but she did try.
Howard said he read that they went to therapy together. It was Brandi, Eddie and LeAnn. He asked if that freaked her out. Brandi said she wanted to sit down and talk about it so they could leave the kids out of the whole thing. She said they went a couple of times and LeAnn was all dolled up and she went in her pilaties clothes. Howard said that LeAnn was tweeting about how much she loves the kids and that was bothering Brandi. Brandi said she thinks that LeAnn likes to hurt her. She said that she might be angry with her because people hate her. Howard said she might be looked at as a home wrecker even if it was the husband who made that decision. Brandi said she never said that she stole her husband. She said that he may not cheat right now but down the road he may. She said that's the way he is.
Howard said that Brandi was the one who pushed Eddie to get the role he did with LeAnn and now he's with her. Howard asked if Eddie ever wants to be back with his wife. Brandi said he did in that first year. She said that she still loved him. She said that she did sleep with him in that year. Howard asked what she has to do to hold on to a man. She said monogamy is really difficult. She said she's been out and thinking about hot guys. She said that when you get married you hold back though. Robin said Eddie didn't get that memo. Brandi said that Eddie cheated on LeAnn with her.
Howard asked if Eddie and LeAnn have threatened to sue her over her book. She said they won't because it's all true. She said that they did have to take a lot out of there because she was really going for it.
Howard asked Brandi about how she got into modeling. She said that she had hippy parents and her father grew marijuana and sold it to his close friends. She said that he worked at a grocery store stocking shelves too.
Howard asked if Brandi and her husband had sex a lot. She said they would do it every morning. She said she would even bring girls into the bedroom. She said that she didn't let him bang them but they would be in the room. Brandi said there were rules.
Howard asked Brandi about when she got into modeling. She said she was 17 and she was all over the place with guys over in Europe. She said she decided not to go after the hottest guy in the room anymore. She said that they're the ones who are going to cheat. Howard said he's the kind of guy she should be going out with. Howard said he's thrilled he's got Beth. He said he could never cheat on her.
Howard asked when she started bringing women into the bedroom. She said that it was a few years. She said that she was the one who brought the women in because things were getting stale. She said that she has never been with a girl without a guy there. She said she really loves cock. Howard asked if he can quote her on that. She said that her next book should be called ''I Really Love Cock.'' Howard said Brandi must be angry about the whole LeAnn thing. She said she's just worried that she's stable enough to be around her kids. Robin said she did have to take a break after the whole Twitter fight. Brandi said all she had to do was ignore it or hit ''block'' and that's it. Brandi said that's all she does. Howard said they should have Eddie in there to ask him what's going on there.
Howard asked Brandi about how she got the friends to come into the bedroom. Brandi said she has a friend who she won't name who helped her get started. Brandi mentioned a name but Howard hit the delay to cut it out of the show.
Howard asked Brandi about where she met the first girl she brought home. Brandi said it was a friend's friend who the friend used in threesome's. Howard asked if she went down on her. Brandi said maybe. She said Eddie wasn't allowed to fuck the girl. He was allowed to watch. Brandi said she gets jealous so she couldn't have that going on. Howard asked what the other girl does while he's banging her. She said that she doesn't remember all of it but there may have been some kissing.
Howard asked if she thinks that LeAnn is bringing girls home. Brandi said she's not sure but she'd assume she is.
Howard asked Brandi if she made good money modeling. She said she did okay. Howard asked about her siblings and how they're doing. She said her brother is a highway patrolman and he has killed someone. She said that it was a bad guy though. She said last year he tried to stun gun her though. She said he is a dick. Howard asked if she has asked her brother to ticket her ex-husband. She said that her brother wanted to kill him after what went on.
Howard said that Brandi is making her ex more famous. She said that's kind of true. She said that she has to use her clout to make money and it's getting him more attention. Howard asked if she ever gave him anal. She said she only did on holidays. Howard said she's a great woman. Howard asked how he could give her up. Howard said he got anal on holidays like Yom Kippur.
Howard said Brandi claims that her husband gave her HPV. Howard said that can give you cancer of the vagine. She said she had some cancer cells removed actually. She said that the doctor told her that there's a 99.9 percent chance that her husband gave it to her. Howard said she can't prove he did. She said that's true but her ex-husband told her stories and she chose to believe them. Brandi said that Eddie had to get some stuff scraped off his business. She said that she has to be scanned for cancer every 3 months now. She said that they say 70 percent of people have HPV. She said she's been okay but she has to be scanned for it.
Howard asked Brandi about what she did to her vagina after she divorced. She wanted to be like a virgin. Brandi said she wasn't in a great frame of mind and she had two kids so Eddie had made a comment about it not being like it was. She said that all of her married guy friends know that it's better than their wives.
Howard said he heard that she could get two different kinds of surgery. one was to the point of making her like a virgin. She said that it cost 12 grand. She said that she didn't go for the virgin type of surgery. She said that kind of sex hurts.
Howard asked if Eddie got to try it out. She said that he hasn't touched her since the surgery. She said that he was living in her guest room at the house and she had to ask him to leave. Brandi said that she didn't know what she was doing at the time. She said the surgery was so painful that it made her forget about the heartbreak. Howard said she has the vagina of a 17 year old now. Brandi said that she had the surgery done like 3 years ago so she's more like a 20 year old now.
Howard asked if Brandi would fuck more than one guy in a day. She said she would do relationships for like a week at a time. She said she never had more than one guy in a day.
Howard gave Brandi a plug for her book ''Drinking and Tweeting: And Other Brandi Blunders.''
Howard asked if Brandi gets upset when she sees pictures of LeAnn and her ex. She said that what bothers her is when they have pictures with her kids. She said they really love their dad and she wants them to be with him but the pictures bother her. Howard asked if the kids talk about the relationship. She said that one of the kids says that LeAnn is the best singer in the world. She said she just agrees with them. Howard asked if LeAnn sings to them. She said that she brings them out on tour and to her shows. She said that she'll go to the school and sing for the teachers. She said that's not cool.
Howard asked if they buy the kids a lot of presents too. She said they do. Howard asked if they ever slip and call her LeAnn at times. Brandi said they don't but they do call her ''dad'' sometimes. Howard asked if she'd depressed about this stuff and if she's on medication. Brandi said she's on Lexipro now. She said that she has to stay on it because she tried to get off of it but she got really cranky with people.
Howard asked if Brandi smokes pot. She said she doesn't but she did when she was young. She said her dad had it around all the time. She said her friends would drive out to pick her up so they could get some pot.
Brandi said that her dad would be naked in the house a lot too. She said it wasn't full time naked though. Howard said he has to read her book. He said Beth read it and loved it.
Howard gave Brandi some more plugs for her book and book signings. Howard said he thinks she shouldn't wear underwear to her book signing. She said she's on it.
Howard asked if she ever thought about bringing LeAnn into her bedroom to do a threesome. Brandi said she was disgusting human being so she didn't think about it. She said she doesn't think she's ugly but she is an ugly human being. Howard said he has to catch up on the Housewives of Beverly Hills. He said he's behind by an episode.
Howard said Brandi said that she would stare at LeAnn's pictures for hours after her husband left. She said that she was a mess. She said she was with him for 13 years before he left so she was a mess.
Howard asked what kind of money she's going to ask for when she does the next season. She said she's not sure. She said she'll let the lawyers figure it out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that in a few years she'll be in porn. Howard said now is the time to do it if she's going to. Howard said in 30 years it'll be too late.
Howard asked about what sex Skyping is. She said that it's having sex over Skype. Brandi told Howard that you talk and then you take off some clothes and jerk off. Howard said Brandi is so much fun. Howard asked who she would have sex with on the show. Brandi said that it would be Lisa or Yolanda. Howard asked if she has offered yet. She said she has not.
Howard asked who she would least like to have sex with. She said Adrian. Howard asked about some of the other women on the show. Howard said he has so much to ask but so little time.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who asked if they have had to edit out any nip slips and if a big, black cock would stretch her out. Howard asked if she's been with a black guy. She said she has but he was average size.
Howard said he read that Brandi is worth $5 million. She said she doesn't even have 1 million. Brandi said there are people who sued her and they had to take some stuff out of the show.
Howard asked why these people who have a ton of money are appearing on these shows. Brandi said they have everything but fame and this is how they get that. Brandi said they want to have their moment where everyone is looking at them.
Howard asked Brandi why she does the Botox thing. She said she feels she needs it. She said she doesn't do the face lift thing. She said she doesn't want to have to cut.
Gary came in and asked if she hooked up with Harry Morton. She said she did not. She said that he's her friend but that's it. She said she's kind of dating one of his friends. Howard asked if she has sex Skyped him yet. She said she hasn't done that yet. Howard asked if she ever dates shorter guys. Howard said she's pretty tall. She said that she doesn't care that much about height.
Howard gave Brandi some more plugs for her book and book signings. Howard said she has to compete with LeAnn Rimes so buy her book.
Howard asked how tall Brandi is and how much she weighs. She said she's 5'10'' tall and 120 pounds. Howard said that everyone should be 5'10'' tall and weigh 120 pounds. Brandi said he loves the curvy ones too though. Howard asked if she's ever orgied. She said no. Howard said he's a fan of her show and told her to say hello to Andy Cohen for him. Howard asked if she has had sex with David Spade yet. She said she hasn't. Howard said she will after she leaves today. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said David Spade is there. David came in a few seconds later. Howard said he's one of his favorites. He said the guy is so funny that even when he emails him he's funny. Howard said he was thinking about how he flies under the radar with this show ''Rules of Engagement.'' David said they're in their 7th season now. Howard said he's had a great career with his TV and movies. David said he has had some movies that didn't do so well.
Howard asked if he thinks about Chris Farley and how great they were. David said he does think about it because of Twitter. He said that you get a lot of nice compliments but you also get the ''I wish you died instead of Farley'' comments too. He said that they had a great time doing movies together. He said it really was a waste that he had to die. David said he didn't get it until later that the movies they did were big hits. He said that they did really well after they came out on DVD. Howard asked how much they made. David said that Black Sheep made like 30 million in the theaters but then it sold like crazy on DVD.
David said that he and Chris were fighting before he died. He said that it was about work and things like that. He said that Lorne Michaels was the one who thought that they would be great as a team in a movie. He said that Lorne told a writer to write something for them that was kind of the way they acted around the office.
David said that they would work in funny lines and moves that Chris would do. He said that he had to get that stuff into he movies. He said that he could keep track of his own stuff and Chris couldn't do that. He said that Chris would start to write but then he'd start to scribble and fall asleep.
David said they went to a party once and Chris was so hammered. He said that they were going to meet like 30 people from SNL out. He said Chris called him and said he would take care of getting his coat for him. He said he called down to the front desk and asked them for the coat and asked if they had any cocaine. He said the guy actually did have it and brought it up. David said he told Chris he had to pay him back. He didn't want to be the one who got him killed. David said they got to the dinner and everyone there was so serious that he didn't want to keep Chris there. He said he was drunk and knocking things over. He said there was no way they'd make it through a 3 hour dinner.
David said that Chris would get drunk and hang out with new people all the time. He said he just didn't want to deal with it. David said that they wanted them to do another movie together and Chris didn't want to do it. He said Chris didn't think anyone cared about anything but Tommy Boy. He said Chris ended up going away for 3 days one time. He said he thought that he was going up to get a BJ and he'd be back. He said he was gone for 3 days. David said it was tough.
Howard said it's a shame. He said all you want is the guy to get better. David said that this was near the end and it was probably just a few weeks from it. He said that he heard it was hard for him to even write sketches and stuff.
Howard asked if he went to the funeral. David said he did not. He said it may have been a selfish thing for him. He said it was too heavy and horrible for him. He said he was crying so much and he knows you're supposed to do it. He said he spoke to a bunch of people who were there and they were fine with it. It was just people outside of the whole thing that thought it was wrong.
Howard asked if he ever watches the movies. David said they're on so much it's hard to avoid them. David said that he would do a thing in the morning on the set of the movie and he'd pretend to be housekeeping. He said he did it every morning and he fooled Chris every day.
Howard asked about making Tommy Boy and how that went. David said that the director let them do a lot of stuff they thought was funny. Then they did Black Sheep and the director had more power than they did and she didn't let them do a lot. David said that the director didn't want to shoot a scene that he fought for. He said she later said that he was a shitty actor in her book. David said that she just wasn't into him. Howard said he's a very relaxed guy and you think that maybe he's not doing his work. David said he's never been late and he knows his lines. David said he wants these people to work with him again. He said that he's been on both sides of casting and it's very easy for someone to lose a job. He said that's not what he wants.
Howard said David came out of SNL with Farley and Adam Sandler. He said that Lorne Michaels was another one who helped him out. David said that they never would have made that movie without Lorne. He said that it was two guys going around the country selling brake pads. He said it's a ridiculous idea but it worked.
Howard said maybe the movie was great because they didn't put too much energy in one place. He said they were working on SNL at the time and they shot the movie.
Howard asked what he got paid for Tommy Boy. David said it was half a million. Howard said that's pretty good. David said he doesn't make a killing off the movie now but people like that you were in something like that. He said that's probably the one thing that he hears about the most from the fans. He said there are things in your career that can help keep things going.
Howard asked if she shot a sequel to Grown Ups. David said they shot it and it's coming out this summer. Howard asked if Chris Rock is in hiding. David said that he just talked to him last night. He was out skiing. Howard asked if he had fun making that Sandler movie. David said he did. He said they have a lot of fun working on the script and adding jokes. He said they did it up in Boston again. He said they mixed it up a little bit with the kids and made it a little bigger. He said he has seen it and it's done better in testing than the first one. He said he's happy that it came out well.
Howard asked David where the hell he's been. David said there's always something he's trying to avoid talking about so he doesn't come in. Howard asked if it's about the kid. David said the kid thing is fine. He said the Heather Locklear thing was one thing he wanted to avoid. He said it was during the Denise and Charlie Sheen thing. He said it's all stupid to talk about now.
Howard asked David if he's dating anyone now. David said he's not. Howard said he's still out there kicking tires. He said he has too great a life. David said some people ask him when he's going to get it together. Howard asked if he ever could commit. David said it's tough. Howard said David was dating Julie Bowen and he thought they were great for each other. Howard said David never gets seduced by the hot chick. He said he'll be with one and then he doesn't stay with them. David said it's almost a trick. He said he was so into these girls in high school and things would always backfire. He said that once they get a whiff that you're into them they move on. David said you can't show all your cards at once. David said it's fun for a minute and then the other 23 hours and 59 minutes are rough.
Howard asked David if he's ever proposed to anyone. David said he has had girls who were worth it and great, cool chicks. He said that he gets nervous though. David said that Howard got married and then divorced and then he was married 3 hours later. He said he's not sure how people meet the right girl just four hours after leaving another woman.
Howard asked David if he gets scared in a relationship. David said that Julie was a great one. He said she was probably the one. He said he sees her like twice a year and she's doing great. He said that her husband puts up with him talking to her for 5 minutes. He said that he likes seeing her and he's glad that her show is doing great. Howard asked if she still kisses her. David said he does a baby French.
Howard asked David about Ellen Degeneres and working with her many years ago. David said that they got along great and he went to her condo to watch TV. He said that he thought that was a cue to get to third base. David said that he went over to her place and he didn't make any moves on her. He said that when they got back to L.A. He told his friends about it and they didn't think it was a great idea to ask her out. He said it took a while for him to get the news. Howard said David's Gaydar was off on that. Howard asked if he told Ellen that story. David said he told her that on her show actually. She thought it was funny.
Howard asked David about his SNL audition. David said that he has to tell him how he hurt his neck. Howard said he has to read Dr. John Sarno's book ''The Mindbody Connection.'' David told Howard that he did a back flip and he landed on his face. He said he was out for an hour not knowing who anyone was for an hour. He said he should have gone to the hospital but this guy said he was just rattled a little bit. David said he missed this back flip and landed on his face. He said it hit him so hard he lost his memory for an hour. David said his mom was there and she asked if he wanted to go to the hospital or Pizza Hut. Howard said he might have to talk to him off the air about the neck pain thing.
Howard asked how Letterman was last night when he did the show. David said he was fun. He said that Letterman is always nice to him. He said he even talks to him during the commercial. Howard said he gets that too. He said Letterman is very interesting off the air. David said he likes to make him laugh. He said what Dave does with him is go with whatever you have to talk about. He said that he comes with stories that he'll tell without letting them know about it. He said Chris Rock told him to do that. He said that they're over protective segment producers who find out your stories first.
Howard said he used to have a fake agenda to get on the show but then he just told them everything and he'd do whatever he wanted once he got out there.
Howard asked David if SNL was his big break. David said that he was on a young comedian's special that Dennis Miller was on. He said Dennis hosted the show and they had 5 comics on the show. He said he was the sixth and they weren't going to use him so Dennis and someone else made them fit in all six.
David said that Dennis Miller was helping him out with his material. Howard said that's great. Howard said that he took the time to tell him what to do. He said that's a loving thing to do. David said Dennis liked his act and he told him to do what he thought was funny. He said he liked Dennis and his jokes were so well done. He said he looked up to him. Howard said his act is so dense and he memorizes it all. David said he still looks at notes for everything.
David said he was on the Young Comedians thing. He said that he and Rob Schneider both got auditions for SNL. He said on the night they did the Young Comedians thing this one guy was just off a little bit. He said he was kind of winging it and he wasn't getting the audience reaction he needed.
Howard asked if he's jealous of musicians who can perform the same songs night after night. David said that is kind of tough. He said that he has every single word being analyzed and musicians can just play louder and get away with the same lyrics.
David told Howard about his audition and how he did 12 minutes of the 20 he was supposed to. He said Rob Schneider also bombed that night. He said that Lorne liked both of them even though another comedian was able to do his full 20 minutes and killed. He said Lorne said that he liked their writing.
David said that he did his Michael J. Fox impression in his act. He did some of that for Howard. David said he got on SNL and he had no idea how to write a sketch. He said no one told him how to write one either. He said no one wanted to help. David said he was hired as a writer/performer but they already had Dana Carvey.
Howard asked what his first sketch was that got on the air. David said they had Michael J. Fox on the show and he was going to do his impression of him. He said Lorne wanted him to teach Dana how to do the impression. He said he taught Dana how to do it and then he came out and it looked like he was copying Dana. He said then he did a Presidential election thing and he did Ross Perot. He said they later cut him out and had Dana do the Ross Perot thing.
David said that he was stressed out because everyone else was sky rocketing with their stuff. He said he had friends from Arizona calling him asking where he was on the show. Howard asked if he thought he was going to get fired. David said it was like being a quarterback sitting on the bench.
Howard asked what the break through was. David said he did the Hollywood Minute and he did the receptionist thing where he asked ''And you are...'' He said that kind of took off. Howard said the Hollywood Minute thing worked.
Howard asked about the joke David made about Eddie Murphy on SNL and how he got into trouble over that. Howard said he heard they've made up since then. David said that he had read in Rolling Stone that he forgave them for that. David said that Chris Rock would tell him that he still wasn't a fan of his and he still brought it up. Robin asked if he was invited to Eddie Murphy's tribute. David said he wasn't and they're not that close.
David said he saw Eddie driving up and he was walking across a crosswalk. He said he saw this million dollar Mercedes. He wondered who it was and then realized it was Eddie. He said Eddie looked at him and he gave him a half wave. David said that he kind of gave him a half wave back. Then Eddie pulled up to him and rolled down his window. He was afraid to look just in case he had a gun. He said Eddie stuck his hand out to shake his hand. He said they said a couple of words and he called Chris Rock and told him to get on Black Facebook and let them know that things are all good. David said that Eddie saw him out again and he stopped him again so he's okay with him now.
Howard asked if he looked up to Eddie back when he was on SNL. David said he did. He said he was right up there with the other big ones on SNL. He said he wanted to tell Eddie that he makes fun of people so he was just doing the same thing. Howard said it's so crazy because Eddie won't do SNL. He said he thinks that he doesn't want to do it because he did so many great things and it could never be that great again.
David was eating so Howard asked what was going on. David said he just realized he forgot to eat before he came in. He said he had to rush in there and he only blow dried his hair for an hour and 15 minutes.
David told Howard he has a story. He said he did a Hollywood Minute that got booed on SNL. He said that he did a Jim Carrey joke and said that he had to go to the hospital for taking too many over acting pills. He said people booed him over that.
David said that he's not a super character guy and Lorne would kill some of the characters he would ask to do. He said that he had a lot of pressure on him at the time. He said he was up against some huge names there. He said they had a lot of big names there writing for the show. Conan O'Brien, Robert Smigel and a bunch of other guys were writing at that time.
David said that it took him a while to figure out what to do there. He said if Adam wrote something for Weekend Update he knew he out and he'd just crumple up his script. He said he got jealous but he'd also pull for his buddies too. David said he was the longest feature player there. He said everyone else moved up.
David said he thinks that he got paid more for Black Sheep than Chris did. He said that Chris signed a 2 picture deal so he had to do the movie. He said he was supposed to do Cable Guy. He said that he was supposed to get 3 million for that. David said that Chris told him he didn't think Black Sheep was a great script. He said he wanted to do Cable Guy. He said Chris told him not to do this one. David said he thought they should do it and Chris was pissed that he had to turn down the 3 million. Howard said that must have been part of the rift. David said it was.
Howard said David must be a millionaire now. David said at 30 he thought he had a million. He said he didn't make a lot on SNL. He said he thinks he made $900 a week to write and then a bump if he was on the air. David said that he got offered a Diet Pepsi Super Bowl commercial and that was $250,000. He said they had to run it by Lorne first. He said his manager said Lorne said no to it. He said Lorne didn't want him to be over exposed. Howard said he was probably right though. David said that would have been great for him to do that commercial.
Howard said that Rules of Engagement is going to be a huge payday for David. David said that Just Shoot Me was a big hit and it was in a night that had Friends, Frasier and Seinfeld on. He said they were in the top 10 every week but they were overlooked. David said he still gets some because of syndication.
David said he gambled on Rules. He said he said he didn't want a raise and he wanted a piece of the show. He said he took that gamble and it's going to pay off. Three years later he asked for a raise. He said he just got a small piece though.
Howard said he took a gamble like that and now he has to sue them to get his money. David said he had to do that too. He said he's not even if he's allowed to say. David said they sold the show and gave it away and they decided that in the wording of the contract they had to say that cable didn't count. Howard said that's like what happened with his contract. David said he's heard that story, every other day, and that's good because it replaces the AGT talk. David said it does seem like he got hosed in that deal.
Howard asked if David can't commit to a woman because of the money he has. David said that he doesn't have that much. David said he's not like Kanye but he treats girls very well. He said he could run out of money easily.
Howard asked if he's getting a piece of the Rules of Engagement syndication. David said he will in time. He said doing that show is confusing to him. He said he thinks that they're doing well with the show but he's thinking this could be the last season. David said that it's been good and he likes the show. He said that if it goes away he's okay with it. David said that he stepped into Just Shoot Me as a pilot. He said that they kill these kind of things all the time.
David said that Rules is a Sandler show. He said they were working on a movie and Adam asked him to look at the script. He said Adam told him to just do it. He said it helped him ultimately but that wasn't his plan at the time.
Howard said that David seems to be flying under the radar these days with the girls he's dating. David said he doesn't think that they care about him.
Howard said that you can see David on Rules of Engagement on CBS Monday nights at 8:30. He said he has a reverse mortgage bit on FunnyOrDie.com too.
Howard said he heard that David loves Riley Martin. David said he heard Riley take a call from someone who asked if Tim is okay with him being drunk on the air. Howard said he has that clip. He played it and it was Riley giving excuses.
David said that he loves that Eric the Actor hates that he called him Eric the Extra. David asked when they're going to do a Guys at the Mall show on Howard 101. Howard said that sounds like a great idea to him.
David said that he's going to be on Jimmy Fallon tonight. He said he thinks that Fallon is going to be the future of late night. He said they're the future generation. Howard said he may not have anything left for Fallon after this. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that meteor that hit over Russia was wild. He said that if it had hit the ground there then it might have killed future generations of strippers. Robin said it was weird because the randomness of the damage was wild. She said it was the force of it coming through the atmosphere that caused the damage. She said it was very strange. Howard said he's glad we don't have a Superman to save us from something like that. Howard said that women would only want Superman if he was real. Howard said he has a shot as long as there is no Superman.
Howard said he was reading about Steve Martin announcing that he has a baby. Howard said the guy is 67 years old. Howard said it's his first kid. Howard said that he now seems too young to have a child. Robin said Howard has a few more years before he has a kid.
Howard said Alec Baldwin is in the paper again fighting with photographers. Robin had some details about that story. Howard said Alec is having another kid too. He said that as long as that kid doesn't have an answering machine Alec should be fine.
Robin asked what Kathy Griffin has to do with Frank Ocean. Howard said she seems to have networked herself into a lot of stuff. JD came in and said that Frank is the first out gay rap guy so Kathy must be in with him in that way. Howard said he's not sure why that is but Lisa Lampanelli is in with the gays too. He said Kathy somehow gets to hang out with Frank Ocean and gets to hang out with him at the Grammys.
Robin read about how there was a big shake up over at Howard's boss's show The X-Factor. Howard said that Simon really is his boss. He said that there are a lot of people who are in charge though. He said he's not sure who the third judge is going to be. He said Howie Mandel is coming back. He said he'll suggest a name and they never like any of the names he brings up. He said that they'll be like ''Oh no!'' when he brings someone up. Howard said he doesn't know what they're doing. He said next weekend he's going to New Orleans. Howard said he had this past week off but every vacation from now on will be work. Howard said he went to Florida last week and the weather was shit. He said it's never good in February.
Howard said he has to hear it all year from his mother about how the weather is hit or miss in Florida. Howard said that his mother will make the point every year. He said that he was down there with Beth and then he starts telling her that the weather is hit and miss down there. He said he's become his mother.
Howard said he had dinner with Tommy Mottola down in Florida. Howard said he ran into a lot of fans down there too. He said he had a good time there.
Robin got back to the X-Factor thing and said she's not sure why any Kardashian would take a job like that. She said they make crazy amounts of money already. Howard said they're thrilled. Howard said no one can believe they're famous because they don't do anything. Howard said whatever they do they seem to be successful at. Robin said that's not true. Robin said Khloe is being fired from X-Factor. Robin said Kim isn't lighting up the screen in the movie she's in. Robin said they should stick to running around in that house they're in. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read more about the X-factor and how LA Reid is leaving the show too. Robin said that Britney Spears isn't coming back either. She said that Simon might want to do the show with 3 young female judges.
Robin read about how Oprah is thinking about making her $85 million house less fancy. Howard said she's probably afraid to sit anywhere.
Robin read about Jimmy Kimmel and how he Skypes with his psychiatrist. Howard said he's too paranoid to do something like that. Howard said he doesn't want anyone hearing his therapy sessions. Howard said Jimmy can't be opening up if he's doing that. Robin said she'd be afraid talking even in the room with the doctor.
Robin said that Arnold Schwarzenegger's movie tanked. She said that it was supposed to be his come back. Howard said there are a couple more coming out that he has a chance with. Robin said that The Last Stand didn't do well anywhere in the world. Howard said that now he can't say he wins at everything he does. Howard said he's glad it tanked.
Robin read about how well the new Die Hard movie did this weekend. Robin said they made 33 million this weekend. Robin said that it's still a viable franchise.
Howard said he had to talk about Chubby Checker and how he's suing an app that was called Chubby Checker. He said that the app measures your dick. Howard said he was wondering who needs an app to measure your penis. Robin said that maybe they need to check it daily. Howard wondered how it works. Robin was wondering the same thing. Howard asked the guys if they can get the app. He said he'd like to see how it works. Howard got a note from someone saying that it helps you rank against other people's penis size. Howard said Chubby should sue them then.
Steve Brandano came in and said that the app measures your length and girth and then it puts you up against other people. He said he's not sure of the actual technique. Howard said he's sure he doesn't. Howard asked if he saw the Black Keys on the Grammys. Howard said all he could think of was Steve when he saw them on the show. Steve said he was talking to the news and telling them that he's sorry that all Howard can think of is him when he sees them. Howard said he has to get that Chubby Checker app. He did a live commercial after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves the David Spade stories. He also said that he heard yesterday's The Satellite Years and wondered if anyone there thinks about that scene from Carnal knowledge when they go home to their partner. Howard said he thinks that Richard has a good relationship with his wife. Howard said there is a weird video with Richard and his guinea pig. He said he saw it and thought that he might have a nice home life. Howard said he was thinking that Richard's dad would eat that thing if he came over.
Howard had a ''Manly Clip from Richard Christy's Dad'' bit that he played. It was a clip of Richard's dad talking about how to butcher a squirrel. Howard said he thinks that his dad would eat that guinea pig. He said he loves Richard's dad. He said he's doing that stuff for real. Howard played another Manly tip from Richard's dad. In that one he was talking about eating bullfrogs. Howard said he has one more to play that's good. He played another one where Richard's dad talked about cleaning a squirrel and how hard it is to get the skin off. Howard said there was another one where he was talking about skinning a rabbit. Howard said he's learning a lot from these clips.
Howard played a clip of Richard's dad leaving a message for Richard. In the clip he talked about their dogs fighting something outside and how it turned out to be a big 'coon backed up against the laundry room door. He said he got close enough to shoot it so he didn't have to go hunting to get one.
Howard said that's manly stuff. He said he's not sure how Richard has a pet guinea pig. He said that they would have eaten all of that stuff back when he was living at home.
Howard said he thinks that Sal has worked through his marriage problems but he doesn't think they're all that great. He's not sure about Scott the Engineer either. He said that Jon Hein seems to be doing just fine. Howard said Jon doesn't even jerk off. Howard said he still has to jerk off. He said he did it just the other night. He said he saw a porn where this really old guy was in bed with a girl who was so hot. Howard said she's from one of those slavik countries and he's demonstrating just how hot she is. Howard said she has full bush and it's just crazy. That led to Howard reading a live commercial for Fresh & Sexy wipes.
Howard said he had a lot of stuff to get to today but they didn't have time. He said he tried to get to as much as he could have.
Robin said they had a guy there, Sussy, who left the show to go bicycling around the country. Robin said a British couple had the same idea and they ended up getting killed. Robin said that they were hit by a pick up truck in Thailand and they were killed. Howard said he thinks Sussy ended up getting eaten by a whale.
Howard said while he was down in Palm Beach President Obama showed up and he was playing golf with Tiger Woods. He said he found that to be kind of a weird move. Howard said you'd think he'd have to watch his image. Robin said that Michelle let him go and that's weird too.
Howard said Vanilla ice put out a line of chandeliers. Howard said that's a weird thing. Robin said he's doing renovation stuff now on TV.
Robin read a story about a Navy vet who was finding dates on ChristianMingle.com and he's now accused of raping women. Robin said he tried this with multiple women according to the report.
Robin read about how Michael Jackson's oldest son is going to be on Entertainment Tonight as a reporter. Robin said that he's known as Prince Michael Jackson. Howard wondered why they have to use that full name. Robin said that he named both of his kids Michael Jackson. Howard said that shows how fucked up that guy was. Robin had some audio of Prince Michael making his debut on Entertainment Tonight. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about how that sounded. Howard said that he should get that high voice going. The kid is 16 and he has a really deep voice. Howard said he doesn't mean to sound cold but maybe losing their father was a good thing. Robin asked if he's really the father. Howard said yes but then said he doesn't know. He wonders what was going on there. Robin said she doesn't see any Michael there. Howard said the kids don't look black at all. Robin said they look nothing like Michael. Howard said he'd love to talk to those kids. Howard told Gary to bring him Prince Michael Jackson 1 and 2.
Robin said that Maker's Mark announced that they were reducing the alcohol content of their bourbon. She said there is a shortage of some type and they're lowering the content. Howard wondered what there's a shortage of. Robin said she's not sure. Fred looked it up to figure it out. Howard figured Fred would know it without looking it up. Fred said he's not a big drinker. He does drink Macallan scotch but that's about it. Robin had some audio of someone talking about why Maker's Mark is going to reduce their content. Robin said it's 90 proof now.
Robin read about Mindy McCready killing herself. Robin said that Richard Marx is saying that he's like Dr. Kervorkian and he doesn't have a great track record. Gary said that Dr. Drew helps a lot of people. He said he takes really fucked up people and tries to help. He said that he's doing a pretty good job over all. Robin said his show is exploitative and they expose these people to the world showing what idiots they are. She said that's not the best way to treat this illness. Robin said they're drug addicts and they don't know what they're doing. Robin said that he gets these people who don't know any better. Howard said he's never heard Robin yell so loud over something. Robin said he is making a living off of people that come in for help for a few weeks and then they get shoved back into the real world. Gary said he knows that he stays in touch with them. Robin said that they're making them more famous for their problems. Howard asked if Dr. Drew has had any successes. Gary said he thinks so but they don't have any stats. Fred kept playing Richard Simmons clips of him yelling ''Gary!?'' over and over.
Gary asked if they should play the new Richard Simmons song. Gary didn't know where it was on the computer. Howard said he walked him down that road and didn't know where it was. It wasn't Richard's song Gary was talking about. It was a song they created using clips of Richard yelling Gary's name.
Howard said Richard was on the Playboy channel and he started doing his crying thing on the show. He said that it was JD's clip of the week but he's going to play it. Howard found the clip and Richard talked about a lady who walked in and helped him 38 years ago. She worked for Playboy and helped him edit. Richard started crying as he was talking about this woman who helped him.
Robin got back to the Mindy McCready story and had Howard play some of her music. Howard didn't know the song since it was Country. Howard said it's catchy. Howard said she's pretty good. He said she has a nice voice. Robin said she had a pretty troubled life. Robin said she had a relationship with Roger Clemens when she was only 15. Robin said that Mindy has talked about that in the past and it doesn't sound like things were all that great. Robin said her boyfriend killed himself a few weeks ago and she got put in rehab after that. Robin said that she was released early and her brother is now wondering why that is. Robin said Mindy is now dead. Howard said you can't keep someone in a program against their will. Robin said that the brother is just wondering why. Robin said Mindy had a sex tape out and the porn company has pulled it. Robin said they have no timetable to resume distribution. Howard wondered when the time will be right. He wondered why they would even think about releasing it again. Howard said he remembers her being on Celebrity Rehab. He said she was a mess when she was on the show.
Robin read more about Oscar Pistorius and what's going on with that case. Howard said if you want to hear more about that then you should listen to the start of the show when he discussed it in more detail. Robin had some audio of the girlfriend's family talking about her death at her funeral.
Robin read a story about gun shows being banned in Prince Georges County in Maryland. Robin also read about the Newtown mass killer, Adam Lanza, who may have been inspired by another killer.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he agrees with Robin about Dr. Drew. He said that he's a vulture. He said that Gary said he had lunch with him so it's okay. Gary said he never said he had lunch with him. He said that he just saw the guy. He said he ran into him in Los Angeles and just talked to him for 2 minutes.
Howard said he knows a guy who went to lunch with Dr. Drew and he died the next day. Ralph asked how many of his patients have died. Howard said he thinks it's up to 5 now. Gary asked if Robin hates Dr. Drew. Robin said she doesn't. She said she can love the man and hate the act.
Robin read about Lakers owner Jerry Buss dying over the weekend. Robin said he had an 18 month battle with cancer. Robin had some audio of someone talking about Buss and his fight with cancer. Robin had some audio of someone talking about Jerry and breaking down on The Tonight Show.
Robin read about how Lil Wayne was ejected from basketball game the other day. He's very upset about that. Robin had some audio of Lil Wayne leading a crowd chant against the NBA. Robin said that he was blaming the Miami Heat for being ejected and now he's been banned from going to any future games. They wrapped up the news and ended the show around 10:35am.
Gary said Robin really hates the man. That's what he thinks. Jon said that maybe drew will come back in and state his case. Gary said he was booked to come on in a couple of weeks. He said now they have more to talk to him about. Gary said that Drew is not Dr. Phil. He said when he sees Dr. Phil he wants to take a shower. He said he doesn't feel that way about Drew.
Jon said he wants to get over to the Grammys. He said that Steve wants to talk about that. Jon said that Howard won't even listen to the Black Keys now. Gary said he thought Howard would finally say that they should have them in. Gary said he likes the band a lot but he doesn't love them like Steve does. Gary said they're a huge band right now and they're at the point when they should come on the show. Jon said they are huge and they were enormous fans of Howard's.
Steve asked Gary if he thinks that it's Howard's annoyance with him that's keeping them off the show. Gary said he thinks Howard doesn't like them and he's blaming it on Steve. Steve said he thinks that Gary could do a guest pitch and mention his name and Howard will turn it down because it's him. Gary said that Steve said that the show New Girl was a great and he won't watch it because of that. Steve said he wasn't saying that for the show. He said there are very few things he would do that for.
Gary said that they're long past Steve pitching them for the show. Gary said he thinks that Howard just doesn't like them. Steve said that he thinks that Howard can't admit he was wrong and just have them on the show. He said that they are on Howard's radar now and he is so annoyed with him that he will not like the band.
Jon said that Howard also brought up Taylor Swift singing along with the acts on the Grammys. He said that some people think she was doing it for the air time but there's a chance she was just going there to have a good time. Gary said he thinks it's a move to get on camera. Jon said he thinks she was just having a good time. He said he's seen her in concert 5 times now and he does call her Tay-Tay in the office there. Jon said he thinks that Nicole Kidman was doing it for air time but not Taylor.
Gary said Lena Dunham did a good job not making it about her when the band Fun. won a Grammy. Steve said that Neil Patrick Harris was singing along too. Gary said maybe he liked one song and they caught him doing it. He said Taylor was singing along to every song. He said the only ones she wasn't dancing to were the rap songs. Jon said that's not true. They had to go to break after that.
Jon said he's glad Ronnie is there. He said he wants to talk about that prank call Janks did. He said he apparently wasn't a fan of it. Ronnie said he didn't knock him on the news but he's friends with a lot of cops and cops were getting shot and killed that day. He said that his stuff is funny but Janks gets all bent when he says he's not thrilled with it. He said he didn't say that he hated it. He said he's not pissed at Janks but Janks is pissed at him.
Jon picked up on Janks who said he thought Ronnie would think it was cool. He said he made the call before all of the shooting stuff went on. Ronnie said he heard it later that night after the shootings had happened.
Janks said he doesn't do this to make fun of a story like this. He said that they don't check their sources and that's why he makes these calls. Gary said he agrees with Janks on this. He said that it's such a mad rush to get the scoop on a story and they don't care about checking their sources. He said 99 percent of the time it's not a bad thing.
Jon said that the reporter would have talked to Janks all day. Janks said he knows. He said that day they were getting in the cops way. He said making that call was just comical to show that they're so willing to put anyone on the air without checking their sources.
Gary asked Janks what the department of transportation is in Pennsylvania. Janks said it's PennDOT. Gary said he would make prank calls as the head of PennDOT every year and they'd put him on every time.
Janks asked Ronnie if he's upset with him. Ronnie said he's not upset. He said at the time it just hit him the wrong way.
Jon said that they got a lot of earnest talk about of him today. He said that David is still out there ''kicking the tires'' with women and he thinks that he's going to keep doing that as long as he can. Gary said he thinks that he just wants to be single. Jon asked if he thinks that Julie Bowen was ''the one'' for him. Gary said he doesn't know.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the interview was great and he loved hearing about the Chris Farley stuff. He said that he hopes that it's not the same with Artie. He said Artie has looked horrible the past week or so on his show and on Fallon. He said he hopes to hear Artie on the show promoting his book. Jon said he hasn't seen Artie on Fallon yet. Gary said he wants Artie to do well and wouldn't want any bad coming to him. He said if he did he'd send him to Dr. Drew.
Jon and Gary talked about some of the stuff David was telling Howard about Chris Farley and the tough time he had. They also talked about his stories about Eddie Murphy and how he finally made up with him a couple of months ago.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Robin went to another country to take a hallucinogenic drug and she's bad mouthing someone who has a medical degree. Jon said that you can't compare the two. He said that Robin feels that the show is exploitive and he agrees with her on that. The caller said that Robin thinks she knows more than the rest of us and this is just one more thing that she came out with that he disagrees with. The caller said that she's like an enlightened celebrity who thinks she know more than the rest of us. Gary said maybe she just believes in that stuff so why not talk about it. Gary said that it might work for her even if it doesn't work for others. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Ronnie what he thought of the show. Ronnie said that it wasn't that bad. He said he didn't fall asleep so it was good. He said the added some humor to it too. Gary asked if there were any kids there. Ronnie said there were hardly any. He said it was mostly adults.
Gary asked if there were any big names in the show. Ronnie said there weren't any that he knew of. He said the show was good though. He said they had great live effects. He said they change right in front of your eyes and you don't even realize it. He said he was sitting 3 rows back and he couldn't figure out how they did it. He said he thinks the show will last a long time on Broadway.
Jon asked Ronnie if he knew what NCIS stood for. Ronnie said he was on the set and he watches the show and he still didn't know. Ronnie said that Chris O'Donnell is a big fan of the show too.
Jon said that Brandi Glanville wore the right dress today. Gary said that she really did. He said that she didn't tell the story about her vagina tightening thing. Gary said that she charged it on her husband's credit card after he had canceled her cards.
Jon asked if he heard what she said about Gerard Butler and how she brought it up on the air on a TV show. He was wondering if that was a surprise to him. Steve said he bets that they had a conversation before that show. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how much he had going on. He said he didn't know where to begin. Robin told him to begin at the top of the page.
Howard said he tried to watch Oprah. He said he doesn't hate her but she does make him mad when he tries to watch her. Howard said that he tried to watch the Beyonce special and you can't get through more than 3 minutes of it. Howard said it did well in the ratings but it's so incredibly dull and white washed that you don't get a sense of it. He said that all Oprah does is kiss her ass. Howard said you'd think she was Jesus Christ himself if you watched this. Howard said he has to give his analysis of this.
Howard had some clips from the interview. He played one where Oprah was telling Beyonce how much she liked one of her songs and how great it was. Howard said it's not great. Oprah was telling her that she's the beloved mistress of the universe. Howard said it's like giving powers to each other in the woods. Robin said this sounds like a group of women who tell each other how powerful they are and they have no idea what it sounds like to the rest of the world.
Howard said he didn't get through more than 5 minutes of this. He said he had to have JD watch it to get through it all. Howard said most of this is just Oprah sucking this woman's asshole. Robin said Oprah's ass has been sucked pretty good off camera. She said it's a mutual sucking.
Howard played another clip of Oprah saying that the world has shifted since the Super Bowl. She asked if she caused that power surge. Beyonce said she did. Oprah said she was tweeting with people at the time and she wrote in caps BEYONCE. Howard said he hates to be the only guy against Oprah but he can't get on this bandwagon. Howard said he doesn't get it.
Howard said this is why he can't watch this. He said it's endless sucking. Howard played more of Oprah kissing Beyonce's ass about her Super Bowl performance. She said that it was amazing and she had entered a sacred zone. Beyonce said that doesn't happen with every performance. Howard said he couldn't watch this. He said he was ready to watch but he just couldn't do it.
Howard played another clip where Oprah told Beyonce how riveting her documentary was. Howard said it wasn't riveting at all. He said she's just kissing her ass. Oprah told Beyonce that she watched the show with a bunch of girls who are going to college there and they told her that she's just like they are. Howard said he zoned out listening to that clip. Robin had to explain it to him. The girls had called Oprah ''Mom-O'' and Howard had no idea what that was.
Howard played another clip where Oprah talked about what other people have written about her and kissed her ass some more. Howard said the opposite of this interview will be when Oprah interviews him.
Howard said she can only say positive stuff about her and not do an actual interview. Howard said she just goes on and on kissing her ass and Beyonce takes it all in. Oprah told Beyonce that she's hot and cool. Howard asked what you're supposed to say to that. Howard came up with some stuff to say about Oprah. He had a few things he came up with.
Howard said finally Beyonce gets to talk about her child, Blue Ivy, and she thinks that it's going to change the world. Howard said everyone is lathering her asshole so much that she believes it. Howard said if you're Beyonce and Jay-Z you don't think that you can have a normal kid. Howard said she thinks that she has an extraordinary child. Howard played that clip next. Beyonce talks about the communication she had with her child and how she envisioned her and the birth. She envisioned her pushing through the wall. Beyonce said she believes she has that power and she studied and had an incredible birth. Robin told Oprah to shut up because she was filling in the spaces for Beyonce. Beyonce went on to say she put all of her powers on with her child when she was coming out. Howard said Jay-Z must be sick of this shit. Robin said he does look like he's out of it when he's sitting there with her. Howard said he must want her to just shut the hell up.
Howard asked how old this kid Blue Ivy is. Robin said she must be under a year. Howard played another clip where Oprah and Beyonce were talking about Blue Ivy and how great she is. Beyonce was saying that she's funny and she's ''fire'' and very smart. She said she loves books.
Howard said he had a guy come up to him one time and tell him about how smart his kid is. Howard said he told this guy the kid is going to be a degenerate when it grows up. Howard said kids rarely grow up to be that smart. Howard said you should just shut up because you're going to be humiliated 20 years from now. Howard said his head is exploding from this.
Howard played more of Oprah and Beyonce talking about the kid and how she's doing flash cards at 13 months. Howard said Jay-Z must have said they had to out do Will Smith's kids by getting her started early. Robin said this poor kid won't be able to handle the pressure. Howard said she's a genius and on fire.
Howard said he wasn't able to watch this himself. He said he had to have JD watch it for him. Howard said Beyonce's movie is one big love fest and now Oprah is kissing her ass too. Howard said the edited out all of the good parts and showed it to them. Howard said somehow Beyonce forms a sound that's pleasant to us. He said it's great that she can entertain us but Oprah has to calm down. He said she's not a goddess and she should interview her like a person.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he watched the Beyonce documentary and he only got through about 2 minutes. Howard said he bailed at the same time. She was talking about her father as a manager and he bailed. Howard said Elvis was an idiot and he became a god because he could sing and he was handsome. Howard said he was just a dude who had a talent for singing. Howard said Nixon even fell under his spell. He said he may have been gay. Howard said Nixon gave the guy a badge. Howard did his Nixon and Elvis impressions while he was talking about that. Howard said he would do that for a chick if he wanted to get into her pants. He said he thinks that Nixon was a homosexual and that's his proof.
Howard said they're looking for a new theme song for the show so they have a $5,000 prize. Howard said he needs something catchy for the show. He said you can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard.
Howard said he feels bad for that Blue Ivy kid. He said he hopes he loves another 20 years so he can read her book.
King of All Blacks called in and said he saw that the kid has an afro. Howard asked what's wrong with that. King said there's nothing wrong with it but Beyonce is going to want her to have hair like her. Howard said she'll have to go blond at some point.
King said he saw that HBO special and Beyonce is so tortured. Robin said that Rihanna had better get her video going. Howard said he heard that she broke up again with Chris Brown. Howard said he saw her singing that song on the Grammys and she was very serious and not having much fun.
King asked Howard about the kid thing again. He said that it's the only missing piece in the puzzle. King said that he's going to have a son with Beth. Howard said that he's too young since Steve Martin is 67. Howard said he's really too old to be chasing kids around. Howard said Johnny Fratto is going out of his mind chasing his kid around. King said he doesn't have money like Howard does to hire someone to take care of the kid. Howard said he knows people who have money and young kids and they have round the clock double nannies. Howard said they never see their kids and they're happy. He said they can do whatever they want but that doesn't seem like the way to do it. Why bother? King said that it does turn your wife into a mother. Howard said she would have to go into mommy mode. He said that he can call her Mom-O. He said maybe those Oprah kids were making fun of her calling her like Shamu.
Howard told King that Beth knew that he didn't want to have children. Howard said that she knew where he was at and she got into this relationship. Howard said he can't go there again. Howard said it's something that he can't envision the rest of his life. Howard said maybe he'd be a good father a second time around but he was open and honest and told her he can't do it.
Howard said he had 3 kids and he told Beth that she must break up with him if she wants to have kids. Howard said he has never fantasized about having kids. King asked if it has anything to do with his loyalty to his kids. Howard said he thinks if he had a kid his kids would benefit. He said they would see a loving father and someone who has more love to give. He said they might even see that he has improved himself. Howard said he isn't prepared to go there. He said it's a nice fantasy but he can't go there.
Howard said he's going to walk around wondering what the fuck he's doing. King said he knows that this sounds good to him but at the end of the day it's Beth. He said she is going to persuade him to do it. Howard said that's not going to happen.
Robin said that all of the kids who shot up the schools had parents who thought they were great kids. She said they become who they become. Howard said he can't have any nonsense going on. King said he had a son and he told him to shut up and things like that. King told Howard he's going to have a son. Howard thanked him for the call.
Robin said she has a friend whose child moved home after leaving the house. She said it's the funniest story. Howard said he has to take a break now. He said he has to stay on schedule. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Mr. Skin is there and he's got an Anatomy Awards update for them. Howard said he says that business is up by 25 percent. Howard wondered if he'll ever go public with the company. Mr. Skin said that he thinks that it's a combination of things that's working for them. He said they have fun with the whole thing and they have play lists and things like that.
Howard said he has an annual report about this and he wonders if he'll ever go public. Mr. Skin said they could never go public. He said it would be too much work. He said this is too much fun. Howard said Gary has told him that Mr. Skin is the best run web site ever. He said he gets regular email blasts and things like that. Howard asked if he could run his web site.
Howard asked how old he is now. Mr. Skin said he just turned 50. Howard asked when he launched this site. Mr. Skin said it was in August of 1999. He said he has an amazing team that works with him. He said that they have a whole team of people who go through movies and TV shows looking for nudity. He said they have 3 customer service people too. He said they get 9 million visitors to the site. He said that they have to be able to handle the customer service. He said they handle that in house. He said his sister is one of those people.
Gary said there isn't a subject or category he can't narrow cast. Gary said they do some great stuff there. He said they have Best Cheerleaders and best Black Cheerleaders and things like that. Mr. Skin said he had to find a monk scene so he searched it and pulled up every scene.
Howard said that the Mr. Skin's 14th Anatomy Awards have a sponsor this year. He said that they have Fleshlight as a sponsor. He said he's very proud of that. Howard said he has a big smile on his face about that. He said it's a piece of rubber that guys stick their dicks in and he's proud of that. Mr. Skin said he has never used one of them but he knows what they are. Howard said it's like a flashlight you stick your dick in. Howard said he understands that a guy wants a piece of rubber to stick his dick in but why the invention of a flashlight with a vagina on it. Howard said maybe it should be a broom. Mr. Skin said that you can carry it around. Howard asked if it works as a flashlight. Mr. Skin said they've sold 5 million of them and that's all he can tell him.
Howard said he had a couple of quick things with Mr. Skin. He said that January Jones will be getting naked in the movie Sweet Water. Skin said that she had a down blouse scene once. He said that she plays Betty Draper on Mad Men. Howard said that Mr. Skin sends his people out to film festivals to find this stuff. Mr. Skin said they found Dakota Fanning naked in ''Very Good Girls'' too. He said it's just her butt though. He said the rumor is that it's CGI. He said that's the rumor about it.
Robin asked how the CGI thing is affecting the business. Mr. Skin said they will call it non-nude if they find out it was CGI.
Howard asked Mr. Skin about Mindy McCready and if she gets taken off the list when she dies. Mr. Skin said she's not in there at all so they didn't have to take her off. Robin asked what the rules are for masturbating to someone if they die. Skin said they don't take anyone off. He said that's a tough question.
Howard asked if it's okay to masturbate to Brittany Murphy. Skin said it should be okay at this point. Howard said that Mr. Skin says that the number one TV show for nudity is Banshee. Skin said that it's on Cinemax and in the pilot episode they had a guy in her vagine. He said that it wasn't faked either. He said he was in there and it was an amazing scene. That one is up on MrSkin.com.
Howard said they have to get to some of the Anatomy Awards. He said that Nudecomer Of The Year is Ashley Hinshaw. Howard said that they give the best Pixelated nudity to Chelsea Handler. Skin said that she has a great rack and you can tell through the pixelation. Howard said that it is very minor and you can see boobs. Skin said that he didn't know she had such a great rack.
Howard moved on to Best Nude Debut. Skin said that the winner is Nadine Velazquez. Skin said she's in a few TV shows and she's in the opening scene of ''Flight'' and she's completely naked. He said it's a great nude debut.
Howard said Most Mufftastic Merkin goes to Gina Gershon. Skin said it's rare to have a full bush these days so actresses are wearing merkins. He said there is a scene in this movie where Gina has a bloody nose and she's giving oral to a chicken leg in Matthew McConaughey's pants that she's giving oral to.
Howard said that Best Full Frontal goes to Emily Addison in ''Take This Waltz.'' Skin said that it's rare for someone to get fully naked in a shower like that. He said that there was no merkin there. Skin said they had real bush in that scene.
Howard said Best Over 40 Nude Scene goes to Helen Hunt in The Sessions. Howard said he's surprised she isn't up for any awards with this. He said that she must not be wearing a merkin. Skin said that it's a real bush. He said she's 49 years old and she's that naked. Howard said you can see lippage. Robin asked how that's not CGI. Skin told her not to ruin their fun.
Howard said Best Chick with a Dick is up next. Skin said that Chloe Sevigny was in this movie and she had a fake penis in that scene. He said it looked very real.
Howard said that Best Butt Bong Scene was up next. Skin said there's a scene in this movie where a girl pulls down her pants and they blow air into this girl's butt and Andy Milonakis sucks in the smoke from her ass.
Howard said that they have a Lifetime Skinchievment Award. This year they gave it to Sylvia Kristel. He said she died in 2012. Skin said that she was hot.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if it's true that Mila Kunis is going to get naked in a film. He also asked about another girl who was in the Harry Potter moves. Skin said that the one who guys really want to see is Jennifer Love Hewitt. Howard said she might be too much of a goody two shoes. Skin said that she is in a show where she gives hand jobs every week. He said that she's a tease. Howard said that she hasn't committed to being an actress yet. Skin said that he knows guys want to see her.
Skin said that Mila Kunis is going to be in 50 Shades of Gray and people ask him about it all the time. He said she had a body double in Friends with Benefits. He said he would hope that she would get naked but he's not sure yet. Howard said it's hard to look at Skin sometimes. He was getting creeped out by his knowledge of nude scenes.
Skin told Howard about this one scene in a movie where they show back burgerage. He said it's like full frontal from behind. He said that you don't get to see this kind of stuff very often. Howard said he didn't know what back burger was until he saw this shot. Skin said this is a big moment in the Anatomy Awards.
Howard congratulated Mr. Skin on the Mr. Skin's 14th Anatomy Awards. He said that Gary has said it's the best run web site around. He congratulated Skin on having a big year. He said maybe next year he'll have Coke and Pepsi as a sponsor. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Jason Ellis got his head tattooed. He said that's really hard core. Howard said that the guys told him that it was an internet fake. Howard said he had no idea. He said that they could have told him that up front. Howard said they asked him if he knew it was fake like he should have known. Howard said he tried to do a fake internet thing once and it didn't work. Howard said he had one of the guys who is good at Photoshopping and had them take a picture of him and make it look like he had a big, thick cock. Howard said there was some guy on the internet whose cock he could see the outline of. Howard asked Gary if he remembers who that was. Gary didn't answer. It turns out it was John Hamm. Howard said he saw the picture and you can see the guy's cock is like 10 inches long. Howard said he thought it would be funny if a picture of him showed up on the internet where he has a big, thick cock.
Howard said he took a picture of him and Leslie West and edited it to look like he had a big cock. Howard said he thinks they took the John Hamm picture and put that up. Howard said Leslie put up the picture and no one ever picked up on it. He said not one person picked up on it. He said they can put that up on HowardStern.com so everyone can see it. Howard said he waited weeks for someone to pick up on it. He said it never happened.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that he thought the pictures of Beth doing a photo shoot in the snow was great. Howard said he put video up too. Howard said he didn't force her to do it. He said it was her idea to do a snow angel in a bikini. Howard said he couldn't make her do that. Howard said she did some gowns and stuff like that out there in the snow. He said it was really cold and the snow was blowing. Howard said people were saying that he was bundled up and taking the pictures. He said if she's crazy that doesn't mean he has to be crazy. Howard said he had to set up for hours to take the shot. Howard said he set up the movie camera too so it took a while to set up outside.
Howard said the pictures and video are up on HowardStern.com. He showed that to Robin and Bobo asked if he had to bang her to get her body heat back up. Howard said she took a hot shower. Howard said you'd laugh your ass off if you could hear the audio. The Howard TV guys didn't have the audio up.
Howard said sometimes Robin can get very vocal and take away from a song. Howard said people wrote in about the song Fred edited. He said that a lot of people said that Robin ruined it when she talked over it. Howard said he's going to replay it. Fred had taken Jewel's cover of ''Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes'' and put drums over it and took out Howard's vocals and replaced them with his own.
Robin said that song is awful. She said it's not Jewel that's bad, it's the lyrics. She said she's not sure what the song means. Howard said he doesn't know. He said that Robin is too uptight though.
Howard said that they know the song Pussy Sweet and someone took it and made it as if Bob Dylan had made it. It was Little Mikey doing the Dylan impression. Howard and Robin both laughed as soon as they heard him singing it as Bob Dylan.
Howard said he had a new song by Eli Braden about Robin. He played that and then another Little Mikey song parody about Robin. He had a couple by Mikey. He played another one by Eli Braden as well. Howard and Robin were laughing at those songs.
Howard said he had a few things to get to before Mark Cuban comes in. Howard said he might have to just take a break though. He said he has to play Riley Martin audio clips after Mark comes in. He said he has to talk about Clive Davis when they get back too. Howard said he has a lot to talk about. Howard said he wants to talk about this guy Oscar Pistorius and what's going on with him. Howard said he has a million things to talk about but he has to take a break. Then Mark Cuban is coming in. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Mark Cuban is on Shark Tank on Friday nights on ABC. Howard said the season finale is coming up. Mark came in and said that it's been 8 years since he was last on. Howard said he must have something to say after that long. Howard asked if life is great being a millionaire. Mark said that it is. He said if he can't have fun then there's something wrong.
Mark said he doesn't put any limits on himself. He said he has like 6 homes. He has them all over the country. He said his favorite spot is in Dallas. He said he likes to get away to the Cayman Islands. Howard said that Miami must be a fun place to go too. Mark said it is. He said it's more of a penthouse than a home. Mark said he's had it about 15 years now. Mark said he bought it and just kept it. He said he hasn't done much with it.
Howard asked Mark if he would sell that place in Miami. Mark said he has his stuff there so he wouldn't want to sell it. He said he has everything there and he has a stocked refrigerator. Howard asked how he handles all of the homes. He asked if he has people living there to prepare it for him. Mark said it's just in the Caymans. He said that he has a guy he will tell that he's coming so it's ready to go. Howard asked if he has a personal chef. Mark said they just got one at home. He said he has kids and his worst fear is that they'll be messed up. He said they have a nanny that works for them and it's just one Nanny. He said that when she's gone things are just normal. He said they take the kids to school and things like that.
Howard asked Mark if the kids screw things up for him. Mark said that it's yes and no. He said they are his kids thought. Howard asked how you have your kids grow up not to be screwballs. Mark said he's scared about that. He said his daughter hates traveling on commercial flights. He said that they try to make things as normal as they can though.
Howard said that if his wife is a douche then things could go wrong. Mark said his wife isn't like that. He said that she'll kick their ass like she kicks his ass. Howard said that the kids will be doomed if she's a douche. Mark said that the wife is good about getting the kids to bed and things like that.
Mark said he went through 6 years of hair and nails before his son was born. He said that it was brutal. He said he loves his daughters but it was rough.
Howard asked Mark about the advice that people give their kids now to follow their dreams. Mark hates that. Mark said that everyone is passionate about something. He said that everyone has that but where do you spend your time and where do you work at? He said you follow your effort. He said if you like what you do then you'll be great at it. Howard said that people tell their kids they're talented and they're not and they don't get anywhere. Mark said they have to give the kids a dose of reality. He said they tell the kids to keep working on things they want to do.
Howard said he knows this guy Leon Black who has kids that are so together. Howard said the guy is a billionaire and his kids are great. He said that Trump's kids look like they turned out alright too. Howard said someone got it right there. Mark said he met them and they are cool kids. Mark said the daughter is super smart and knows her shit. Mark said hopefully his kids will turn out the same.
Howard said that Mark had a show that was like Celebrity Apprentice and Trump went off on him about that. Mark said that Trump told him it was going to fail and he sent him a letter about it. He said he's very competitive about that kind of stuff. Mark said the media business is tough. He said it killed him that his show got canceled.
Howard said Mark isn't used to failure because he's done very well in his life. Howard asked how he deals with it. Mark said he gets fired up to work on something else. Howard asked what he did when he got the letter from Trump. Mark said he framed it and put it next to his NBA trophy. He said it represents that he doesn't like failing. Mark said any business has mornings where it drags. He said you need something to fire you up and that letter is there.
Howard asked if he drank a bottle of $90,000 champagne the night he won the NBA trophy. Mark said that is true. Howard asked if he does that just because he has the money. Mark said that's the way it is. Howard said he could never spend that kind of money on champagne. Mark said he had to do it. He said they had just won the NBA championship. Mark said that he had taken some customers to a club the night before. He said that this DJ saw him there and he was making comments about how they were going to beat them. Mark said they went out the night after to that same club just to shove it up their ass. Mark said a couple of years ago he had his identity stolen by a couple of Puerto Ricans who bought pizza with his credit card. He said that he turns over his credit cards every 6 months or so now. He said he tried to buy that $90,000 champagne and his credit card got declined. He said he had forgotten to activate it.
Howard told Mark that he's been going to see the Knicks play. He said he didn't know what it was like until he started going.
Howard asked Mark about trying to buy a baseball team and why they turned down his offer. Mark said they were afraid that he was going to spend too much on the team to make them winners. He said they were able to keep him out of the league. Mark said that in baseball there is no salary cap so he could get whoever he wanted.
Howard asked if Mark ever over spent for any players. Mark said he has. He said he hates to put those names out there though. He mentioned one player that they paid like 45 million for and how they had to trade him when they realized it was a mistake.
Howard asked Mark how he ended up buying the basketball team. Mark said he was a fan of the Mavs and they started to lose. He said he had a ton of money after selling his company so he figured he'd just buy them. He said he had all of this money and it was burning a hole in his pocket. Mark said he could sell the team and he would ask for a billion now. He said he paid $285 million. He said that it was a good move on his part. He said that he has complete control over the team even though he has partners.
Howard said it doesn't seem like luck has much to do with this. Mark said he's one lucky mother fucker. Howard said the airlines used to have a lifetime ticket and Mark bought it. It was $125,000. Mark had the card and it entitles you to fly for free anywhere for the rest of your life. Mark said he can fly with one other person too. He said he transferred it to his dad and you can only transfer it once. Mark said he sold his first company for $6 million. He said that was MicroSolutions. Mark said he had just sold the company so he was 29 years old. Mark said they were at a steak house and he was fucked up out of his mind. He said he called the airline to buy the pass and he would go out with his buddies and fly all over. He said they would walk to the airport and just go to Barcelona. He said they ended up stopping the sale of those tickets.
Howard said selling a lifetime pass is crazy these days. Mark said he would walk into a club and ask a girl to go to Vegas. He said he was having a lot of fun. Howard said they once threw Magic Johnson from a flight because of that pass. Mark said Magic got the low stick that day. Mark said he knew who he was and he was thrilled when he saw him being kicked off the flight. Mark said he has told Magic about that but he doesn't remember getting kicked off. Howard said money really can buy you happiness. Mark said it can.
Howard asked Mark what team he tried to buy. Mark said he tried to buy 3. He said one was the Pirates. He said he talked to the guy and he wouldn't sell. He said he tried to buy the Chicago Cubs for $800 million. He said he just wanted to do a hand shake deal on that. He said he made the offer and someone paid more. He said he also tried to buy the Texas Rangers and that didn't work out either. He said he wasn't able to write the check right then. Mark said they had a whole thing set up and they were doing their best to keep him out. He said that worked. Mark said they wouldn't have approved him anyway. He said he's glad it turned out that way. Mark said he'd be out in the bleachers drinking beer and eating hot dogs so he'd weigh 300 pounds.
Howard asked Mark about the people who report to him. Mark said he has people that work for him and he'll be talking all weekend about the basketball team. He said they have to figure out what to do with the team. He said it's like being a stock broker. He said he has to figure out and make the final decisions on the team. Mark said they are regrouping now and it's an important time for them.
Howard asked Mark if he has an unlimited budget. Mark said they have rules now and he can't just spend stupid money. He said that he can't just spend more to fix a problem like he used to. Mark said they'll only spend $60 million in budget which is the lowest he's spent since he's been there.
Howard said that Mark has had his revenge on Trump with Shark Tank. Mark said they're killing in the ratings. He said he wrote to Trump about the numbers and Donald hasn't responded. He said he likes Trump but he likes picking on him too.
Howard said that the show Shark Tank is about guys who invest in good ideas for products. Mark said he thinks that he has invested $10-12 million. He said all of the stuff has made money so far. He said one has broken even. Mark said that one business went out of business and that was one that was like Netflix for toys. He said you pay $35 a month and the company sends you $300 in toys. Then when you're done you send them back and they send them to someone else. Mark said the woman who ran the company didn't know what to do. He said that they lost $100,000 with that company.
Mark said the best one so far is this company called Surf Set Fitness. He said it's a guy who likes to surf in New Hampshire. He said that the guy took a surf board and set up this surfing thing indoors. He said that they sell the product to gyms and they teach classes around these boards. He said it's almost like Zumba. He said they charge per class and this guy is collecting money for the boards and for the classes they sell. He said he's going to do $5 million this year. He said that he's just going to keep going up from there.
Howard asked if he could learn to surf on this thing. Mark said he could. He said he has tried it and he got too cocky and fell right on his ass.
Mark said there's another great thing called Tower Paddle Board. He said the guy is going to do $2.5 million this year. Mark said that the product is well done and less expensive than other boards that are similar. Mark said that he's given this guy more money to help him grow because he's growing so fast.
Howard asked Mark if he's getting paid to do the show. Mark said they are paid $18,000 per episode which is nothing. He said that the whole thing is that they get to hear these great ideas for products and they get to invest. Mark said they get to get in on the ground floor and make some good money.
Howard said he has 3 guys who want to pitch him some ideas. Howard said first up is Tim Sabean. Robin said that his wallet is safe. Howard said they might have some good ideas. Howard said he had an idea for a penis pad he mentioned during the commercial break earlier. Mark said that would be a tough sell. Howard asked why Mark wouldn't invest in that. Mark said that's a business that Playtex might want. He said they're tooled up already.
Tim said he's looking for $250,000 investment. He said that he came to work and got sick in the bathroom and shit all over the bathroom. He came up with a Clean Restrooms app or ''CRAPP.'' Tim said he could find the bathroom closest to him. Mark said there's already an app that does that. Tim said this would have the ability to send photos of the bathroom. Tim said this would be like Yelp but for bathrooms. Mark wasn't interested. Gary said Tim has already invested some of his own money into this. Tim said it's $8,000. Tim said the Ugly Meter sold a ton of apps when they were on the show. Howard said he thought Tim was going to pitch his remote control leash. Tim said he was but he didn't have time to get to it. He said he had to sleep.
Howard said Richie Wilson has something called Shittens. Richie said that it's a baby wipe in the shape of a mitten. He said that it's a baby wipe in the form of a mitten. He said he's looking for $25,000 to start. He said he'll give Mark 50 percent. He said that getting the product made is going to be fine. He said that they'll be flushable and they'll be eco friendly. Richie said he has Chron's disease so he'd use them. Mark said that this could work. He asked if he has looked at international distribution. Richie said he has not. Mark said this is not a bad idea but it's just an idea. Richie said that's true but this is getting in at the ground floor.
Howard said Mark is saying he has a good idea but he has to come back and talk when he has a company. Mark said this is not a horrible idea. Richie said he'll give him his information. Howard said he's calling them Shittens. How is he going to sell them?
Howard said Mark was buying into that idea. Mark said around the world it could work. He said if they're disposable and really cheap then it could work. Howard asked if the Shittens are reversible. Mark laughed.
Howard asked Mark how old he was when he made his 6 million. Mark said he was 29. Howard said Mark had a company that was broadcasting on the internet. Mark said they were doing audio and video. He said they started with Audio Net in 1995. Yahoo bought them and they got $5.7 billion in stock. Mark said he got 33 percent of that. Mark said he got all of the stock from Yahoo and everyone thought the internet bubble was going to go forever. He said he sold his stock after it got to where his hedge was. He said he cashed out and then Yahoo went up a little more. Mark said he got out before the internet crater hit.
Howard said if he had waited another few weeks he would have been fucked. Mark said he could have lost more than a billion. He said they went from like 300 bucks to 5. He said it would have been nearly impossible to get out. Mark said some guys stayed in too long and got tanked. Mark said he told everyone to protect themselves and some did. He said some didn't and he has some miserable friends. Mark said he was talking to a friend and they were saying that guys who put in 30,000 got 3 million. He said some of them lost it all when the stock tanked.
Howard said Mark begged the guys to sell. Howard said Mark hit 2.5 billion and he sold. Howard asked what he's worth now. Mark said he's probably worth more than 3 because he's made some good investments. Howard said he can't figure out how to conquer a cold though. Mark was sick so Howard pointed that out.
Howard asked how long ago Mark got married. Mark said it was 10 years ago. He said that he does have a pre-nup with her.
Mark told Howard that someone told him how he had tweeted during his movie ''Private Parts'' and he started doing that with Shark Tank. He said that they were trending on Twitter. He said that had a lot to do with the surge of the ratings with the show. He said they weren't doing so well in the ratings and then they brought him in and he thinks that he was part of the spark that got the show going in the second season. Mark said that he gets along with the other judges most of the time. He said they do 12 hour days and everyone gets annoyed at some point.
Howard asked Mark about this new channel he has called AXS TV. Mark said they do things live on this channel that used to be HDNET. Mark said they're covering music live. He said they were prompting people to tweet about it and the response was great. He said they're in 38 million homes now. He said they're not on Time Warner or Cablevision yet. He said they do have CBS as an investor. He said that Ryan Seacrest bought a piece of the action too. Howard said he wants to get in on that. He asked why he didn't ask him to get in on it. Mark said he couldn't get in touch with Howard. Howard said he's busy taking pictures of his wife out in the snow.
Howard asked what Ryan invested. Mark said it wasn't all that much. He said Ryan sees that people want to see live TV so he invested. He didn't say how much it was though. Mark said that he wanted guys to bounce ideas off of and Ryan was one of them. He said it's not so much investing in the company as it is buying the chance to be part of this thing so he can bounce ideas off of him.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Shark Tank is one of his favorite shows. He said he tweets during the show and it's fun. He said he loves that you learn a lot about business during the show. He said the set up is that you pitch to people and he doesn't like that Mark bullies people to rush to a decision. Mark said he has to have a strategy to win the deal. He said that's part of the whole thing. Ralph told Howard that Tim blew it by over valuing his company.
Howard read that Mark had retired his parents. Mark said that they have their own credit card so they can go out and do whatever they want. He said his dad used to run an upholstery repair shop and now he just goes wherever he wants and does whatever he wants with his credit card. He said he has never told his dad he spent to much on a card. He said he has two younger siblings that work for him too. He said his one brother manages his foundation and his other brother is in sales for Magnolia pictures and AXS TV. Howard asked what his foundation is. Mark told him that it's to help fallen soldiers. Howard thanked him for doing that and wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Howard came back and did a quick Top 5 songs. They included Taylor Swift, The Lumineers, Will. I. Am and Britney Spears, Bruno Mars and Macklemore & Ryan. Howard said he might have to give them a record deal. Howard said that he's sure that it's the last they'll hear from them though.
Howard said Gary gave him an article. He said maybe Robin will understand this. Howard said stadiums are using names of sponsors as the stadium name. Howard said there's one in Florida that's called GEO and that's a company that runs prisons. Howard said he's not sure why they need to advertise their company. Robin said they must be selling their wares state by state.
Howard said he has an Eric the Actor ''Either Or'' game to play. He said they asked Eric if he would rather walk or be a billionaire. Howard said he would assume he'd want to walk. Eric's answer was ''walk.'' Howard played another one where they asked if he would rather be verified on Twitter or be best friends with Kurt Angle. Eric said he would rather be verified.
The next one was would Eric rather donate 10,000 to the little people of America or a weekend at the Bunny Ranch. Eric picked the Bunny Ranch of course.
Sal asked Eric if he prefers black people or Jewish people. Eric picked Jewish people. Sal asked if he would rather fly with balloons or go to the Homo Room with Howard. Eric picked flying with balloons. Howard said he doesn't believe him. He said the room isn't a real room. Howard said he is going to go into the room with him. He said he's going to trick him next time he calls in and just be in the room when he calls in.
Sal asked Eric if he would rather walk or be able to have sex with a beautiful woman of his choice, every day. Eric picked having sex. Robin was getting all of these right when she guessed.
Sal asked if he would rather play an Ewok in the next Star Wars movie or a Munchkin in the Wizard of Oz. Eric picked Ewok. Sal asked if he would rather have a girl pee on him or spit in his face. Eric picked the spit in his face. Howard said he thinks he'd take the pee. He said he doesn't care about his chest as much as his face. Howard said he thinks he might let a chick pee on him if she's hot enough. He said that she'd have to be as hot as that chick that just got shot and killed. Howard said he might let his wife shit on his chest. He might even let Fred's wife shit on his chest.
Next up was Diana DeGarmo or Kelly Clarkson. Eric picked Kelly. Howard said he knew it. That led to Howard talking about how Clive Davis had mentioned Kelly in a book he wrote. Robin said that Kelly didn't like the song they had for her and it turned out to be her first hit. Howard said Clive was the one saying that he was the one who told her to record it. Howard said Kelly is saying that she was the one who wanted to add more guitar to the song and she doesn't remember crying over the song. She said that they did put the guitar in the song and she doesn't remember crying. Howard said that he is talent and he finds it sickening when management guys like to set the record straight about what geniuses they are. Howard said Clive is 80-something years old and he doesn't need that book out there. Howard said Kelly is still trying to make it as an artist and he's trying to diminish what she does. Howard said he could tell the story without degrading her and putting her down. Howard said he likes some of her songs and he thinks she has an amazing voice. He said he doesn't understand Clive's motivation. Robin said they had some kind of problem with each other. Robin said she didn't want to take his advice on an album and Clive might still be pissed about that. Howard said the guy should just shut the fuck up. It's not becoming.
Howard said that he's worked with guys like that. He said that most of the people he has worked for have slowed him down. He said there are some who have stayed out of his way but there have been some that have slowed him down. Howard said he has done it all and if any of them came out with a book knocking him he'd be pissed.
Howard said he found it a little obnoxious. Howard said Clive Davis also came out and said he's bi-sexual. Howard said he doesn't care about that. He said the guy is 80 something and he could tea bag his partner without even bending down. Howard had some audio of Davis talking about his bi-sexuality. Howard said when he's 80 he won't talk about his sex life. He promises.
Howard said he was reading that in Norway they put on a burning Yule Log. He said they put it on and got huge ratings. Howard said they did that on Howard TV too. Howard said he can't think of anything more boring other than Doug Goodstein on Fine Time.
Howard said he has to get to Riley Martin audio. Howard said Riley was upset that he isn't paid on Holidays. He played a clip of Riley ranting about that. Riley was saying that he was told he would be paid for the holidays that fell on a Tuesday. Riley said Tim said he never said he would pay him but other people did. Riley said that he can't afford to miss his show checks because he's running on the edge already. Howard said it doesn't matter how many times they explain it to him that it's not a real job for him. Howard said it's for his own enjoyment. Howard said they gave him an audience. Howard said they do pay him but it's not a lot of money. Howard said he wants pay for days he doesn't work. Like government work.
Howard played more of Riley going off on Tim Sabean. Riley said he's a swine of ill repute. He said he's racist from his heart and if he could be he would be a Gestapo Jew killer.
Howard said the following week Riley followed up with a stellar performance where he was ''sick'' on the air. Howard played some audio from that show where Riley was slurring his words and barely able to say anything. Howard said he'd like to know what he's talking about. It was something about President's week. Riley was telling stories about what Tan told him when he spoke to him. Howard said this is good. Robin said it's great. She said it's one of his best broadcasters in years. Howard said they should give him a raise. Robin told him not to say that.
Howard played more of Riley talking to a caller about a show called Ancient Aliens. Riley said they have been using his stuff for years. He let out a cough during that clip. Robin said he doesn't sound long for this world.
Howard said he knows that he's a genius for giving this guy a show. Howard said Ryan Seacrest found the Kardashians and he found Riley. Howard said Riley hasn't quite paid off like the Kardashians though.
Howard played another clip where a caller asked Riley why he came to work drunk and if he's going to get in trouble over this. Riley asked why he's so evil. The caller asked how he keeps his job being that wasted. Riley kept coughing so Howard said maybe he really was sick and he was on medication. Riley was telling the caller that maybe being the nice, white guy that he knows something he doesn't.
Howard said it gets very racial on that show. He said Riley has some kind of hang up about being black. Robin said he might not be alone in that.
Howard played a clip of Riley talking to a caller about the asteroid that came close to the planet last week. Riley said he has been assured that the Bihavians will protect us from these things. He said they can't protect us from ourselves. Howard said that's a pretty good line of bullshit. Howard said that's like the code on Star Trek, the Prime Directive. Robin said it's like what God did for us by giving us free will. Howard said that's a really dumb thing. He said why not take away free will?
Howard played more of Riley slurring his words as he was talking about a cure for the AIDS virus. Riley was taking forever getting his thoughts out. Riley talked about a monkey making love to women and how this accumulated over time. Howard said this is apparently where AIDS came from. He said you have to listen to this show. Robin said it's the best.
Howard asked Robin if she wanted to hang with this. Robin said she could listen all day. She said it would be very self indulgent of her. Howard said he sat and listened at home all day. He said that's how this all came about.
Howard said he has the sign off from this show. Howard played the clip and Riley was telling people to get their book and symbol from his web site while you can. Riley also gave his life to all and then paused. He said he was basically out of there. He told everyone to tune in next week for ''a brand new shoe.'' Howard said that Eron is good on the show because he just lets Riley go. Howard said you picture him there with his mouth wide open wondering what's going on.
Howard asked Robin how old Paris Hilton is. Robin guessed 32 and she was right. Howard said it made him so happy that she's 32. Howard said he can't wait for her to be 50 and still wearing the same clothes. Howard said she'll have the same look but she'll be 50. Howard said that will be awesome.
Howard asked Robin if she would fuck Riley for any reason. Robin said no. Howard asked if she would rather fuck Riley or Ronnie. Robin didn't hesitate picking Ronnie. Howard asked if she would rather have Riley or Eric the Actor. Robin said she had to work that one out. Howard said she has to fuck one of them. Riley might win there. Robin said that's going to be a sad day.
Howard asked Robin if she would fuck Riley or Hitler. Robin said ''Hmm.'' Howard said she has to base it on looks and forget all of the bad stuff. Robin said that she might go with Hitler. Howard said he knew it. He said that's very controversial. Howard asked if she'd do Riley or Osama bin Laden. Robin picked Riley. Robin said that Howard didn't take away all of Osama's bad stuff.
Howard asked if she'd rather have Riley or Oscar Pistorius. Robin picked Riley. Robin said that Riley hasn't murdered anyone yet. Howard said he saw that guy Oscar crying in court and the judge told him to get his shit together.
Howard asked Robin if she would rather have Riley or Clive Owen. Robin just laughed. Howard and Robin spent more time talking about this Oscar Pistorius guy and how he's trying to get out on bail. Howard said that chick was so gorgeous. He said this guy got up out of bed and he was on his stumps on the balcony of his house. Howard said he wonders if he put slippers on the stumps. Howard said he claims he heard a noise in the bathroom and he thinks that there's an intruder so he shoots through the door. Howard said it all sounds like a bunch of bullshit to him. Robin said they found Testosterone in his house and that stuff can make you do some crazy stuff. Howard said she's not kidding. Howard said you can end up fucking your maid.
Howard said all of the cruise ship stuff raised CNN's ratings. Howard said they were only covering the one story and it worked. Howard said they went wall to wall coverage with that.
Howard said he doesn't know how people go on cruises. He said it seems like the worst vacation ever. Robin said people love it. She said people go year after year.
Howard said he just read about Oscar Pistorius being on their version of COPS in South Africa. Howard played a clip that the guys had created using clips from COPS. They had the guy running and played bouncing sounds for his fake legs. Howard said that's the dumbest bit but it's funny. He said he has no clue why.
Howard said that Sour Shoes called Mad Dog's show as Mad Dog. Howard played the clip and Sour Shoes was doing his impression of Chris Mad Dog Russo to Mad Dog himself. Then he broke into some other impressions like his Scott Ferrall. Howard said they told him to just stick to Mad Dog but he doesn't take direction very well. Howard said that impression is great though. Howard played more of the clip and Mad Dog told him his impression is great. He let Sour keep going for another minute. Howard said that wasn't much of a conversation but it was great.
Howard said it was President's day and the guys went out and quizzed some people on the street. They were asking about presidents and the people out there were very confused about who the Presidents were at different times during history. One guy said that Lincoln was president during the Cuban Missile crisis.
Howard said he's not sure why the big thing in porn is guys cumming really loud. Howard said guys are supposed to disappear in porn. He said this guy sounds like a werewolf when he's cumming. Howard played the clip and the guy sounded just like he described. Howard said it's like a scene from The Howling. Howard played that clip to compare it. Howard said it's actually better than the scene from The Howling. Howard said Nick Manning started all of that. Howard said Robin was seeing Nick. Robin said she wasn't seeing him. She said Nick ended up getting married or something.
Howard asked how Nick Manning can be married and Robin is not. Howard played a Nick Manning clip where he's very vocal and talking to the chick he's banging. Then he finishes and says ''Oh yeah! Droppin' loads!''
Howard played a couple of song parodies about Robin. One was ''Cock and Balls On Robin's Tongue'' to the tune of ''Space Oddity.'' Howard read a live commercial and went to break after that.
Robin started off with a story about a woman who is accused of calling 9-1-1 and asking for cigarettes. Howard asked what's wrong with people. Robin said it's an emergency when you need cigarettes. Robin had the audio of the woman's call. Robin said that the woman was arrested and she will be fined if found guilty.
Howard took a call from a woman in New Orleans. Howard said he's going to be down there soon. The caller said she'll be there. She wanted to be set up like Mariann was. Howard said he doesn't know if he can do anything for her. The woman said she has tickets for all three days but she wants an upgrade. Howard said maybe Gary can look into that. Gary said he'll see what he can do. Howard put the woman on hold. Howard said he's not sure they can even do anything for her. Howard said he's going to New Orleans in a couple of days. He said he knows who one of the other judges is going to be but he's not supposed to say. He said he doesn't really care who the judge is. He doesn't need chemistry with them. He said he has chemistry with everyone. Howard said what he and Robin do is different than what he's doing on AGT. He said he had chemistry with Sharon though. He said he loved working with her. Howard said there is hinting that there might be a fourth judge. Howard said Simon is pushing for that.
Robin said that Simon's judge picks lately haven't been so good. Howard said he thinks he knows what he's doing. Robin said that Britney Spears, Demi Lovato and Khloe Kardashian were not good picks for judges. Howard said there are so many shows like this on the air that it makes it hard.
Howard said he knows what they're doing over there. He said they call and give him an update. He said he acts interested. Howard said everyone just wants to see him anyway. He said that's what everyone wants. He said he's glad Howie is back. He said he sits there with his Twitter and all of that. Howard said he likes Howie and he's not a pain in his ass. Robin said she hopes that Howard ends up fighting. Howard said if they bring in someone very cunty then it might happen.
Howard read a couple of emails about his song ''Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes.'' People liked the song. Howard said one guy was looking for guitar chords and lyrics and asked them to post them on the web site. Howard said the writer even suggested they have a contest where fans send in their own versions. Howard said some guy wrote him about the song and got all psychological about it. Howard said he has no idea what the lyrics even mean. He said he has no idea what the song is about. Howard said that guy wanted him to post the lyrics so he could figure it out. Howard told the guys to post it on HowardStern.com
Howard said someone wrote in and asked them to get Eric the Actor in the Homo Room. Howard got back to his song and tried to figure it out himself. He still had no idea what the lyrics meant.
Robin read about a hospital in Michigan where they prohibited an African American man from caring for a white man's baby. Robin had some audio of a hospital employee talking about that. They mentioned that the guy had a swastika tattoo on him. Howard said he'd probably comply with the guy if he was that out of his mind. Howard said that he would even keep the Jewish nurses away from that kid.
Robin read a story about a local anchorman who was accused of assaulting his wife. Robin had some audio of him talking about how he didn't do it. Howard said that these guys have such a cush job and they don't even have to go out on the street and do interviews anymore. He said that this guy had it made. He said it's a cush job and he doesn't get why the police are called. He asked what the fuck he's doing. Robin said he has a beautiful wife and a news anchor job and he's getting domestic violence police calls. Robin read about how he may have been drunk at the time of this arrest. Robin said the cops say that he was saying that he was going to kill her when they arrested him. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard asked Gary if he can read this letter from Dr. Drew on the air. Gary said he's not sure. Robin said he might as well. She said that Drew exploits people so why not do the same to him. Sal came walking in and said that he was asked by Gary if he wanted to smell Howard's balls. Howard said that was during the commercial.
Howard said Robin has hurt Dr. Drew. Robin said if you're out there in the public eye then that's what you get. Howard said people like Heidi Fleiss have been helped by Drew. Robin et out a ''pssh'' when she heard that. That led to Gary and Robin arguing a little bit about him. Howard said he didn't want to get into this. Gary was saying that Drew does follow up on his patients. He said that he follows up on the famous and non-famous people. That led to Fred playing some Richard Simmons ''Gary!'' clips and a song parody they made using those clips. He also played a clip of Gary clearing his throat. Howard asked where he got that one from. Fred said it was from one of the many times he's done it. Howard said Gary likes Dr. Drew and he was trying to defend him. Robin said that Drew could care about people but he doesn't mind exploiting them.
Howard asked where the new drops are from the Fred special. Gary told him where they are. Howard played a drop and asked Robin where it's from. Robin said that's Jeff the Drunk but she's not sure what conversation it's from. Howard had the clip where Jeff was in studio and a stripper was in the bathroom asking for KC's help tying her bikini when Jeff said ''You lil' bitch.''
Howard said that he saw the Jeff the Drunk Embedded show and it's really serious. He said it's really good too. He said there are parts that are disgusting and then there are parts that are touching. Howard said that they reenact the car accident and things like that. He said it's really nuts. Howard said he knows a lot about Jeff now. Robin said she got more knowledge of Medicated Pete and it made her feel weird about him.
Howard played a clip of Henry Hill saying ''Puh-lease.'' Robin said that she's stumped on that one. Howard told her it was Henry Hill. Robin said she never would have gotten that. Howard played the clip from the show when he said it. Robin said she likes Henry better now.
Howard played Grandpa Al doing his ''Blah, blah, blah...'' thing. Howard played the original clip where Grandpa was in the studio and Howard was talking to him about having all his marbles. Howard asked if he wears a rubber and that's when he did that ''Blah, blah, blah...'' thing. Howard said there's nothing grosser than that. Howard said he loves that guy. He said it was the anniversary of his death recently. Howard said he thinks he died in 2006. Gary said he had to look it up. Gary said it was 2006. Howard said he's good.
Howard played the Haitian woman saying ''It doesn't matta!'' Robin knew it was a Haitian woman. Howard played the original clip where this woman was yelling at Howard about something and ended up saying ''It doesn't matta!'' over and over when Howard would ask her a question. Howard said that the Jeff the Drunk Embedded thing starts airing this Friday on Howard TV.
Robin got back to her news and asked if you can give a retarded person the death penalty. Howard said he thinks you can. He said that Gary the Retard and Wendy the Retard know not to commit crimes. Robin said one retarded man got a reprieve from the death penalty this week. Howard said he might have to get Wendy in there to judge something. They played a bunch of clips of Wendy yelling about getting her power back on and things like that. Robin said that this guy was sentenced to death for killing someone. Robin asked if we have a standard here.
Howard said that Fred keeps playing that Richard Simmons ''Gary!'' clip and he has the origin clip to play. Howard started to play the clip but it was a prank call they made using those Richard Simmons clips. Howard asked the guys to stop putting notes up on his screen. Howard said that he has 3 screens up and they put up notes all the time. He said he can't talk and read at the same time.
Howard asked Robin what else she had in the news. Robin read about a lawsuit that was filed by some inmates that say they're upset that they don't have a Wicken priest in jail. Howard said that all religions are nuts so he doesn't want to hear that only Christian priests should be allowed. They were joking about how you can become a priest on the internet. Howard said the guy who married him got his thing off the internet. Howard said that was Mark Conseulos who married them. Howard said that maybe he and Beth aren't married. Howard said they pulled the thing out a couple of weeks ago to make sure they really are married. Howard said he thought it would be fun to do that at the wedding. Howard said they had a lot of fun things going on at that wedding. Howard said he had Chevy Chase there and he made a speech. He said he hasn't seen him since.
Howard said Phoebe Snow performed there too. He said that she tore the house down. Howard said Pat Monahan was singing too. Howard said that Jillian Barberie sang too but that was horrible. Howard said she's beautiful but she can't sing. Howard said she was singing with Natalie Maines and he was trying to stop her. JD said that he thought John Stamos was good on drums too. Howard said that Gary saw John Stamos at a Grammy party and John was saying that he's a better photographer than he is. Howard said he doesn't care about that. He said that he should have shot Robin's book cover. Robin said he was busy doing AGT at the time. Robin said she wouldn't do that to him. Howard said that fucking Lisa G did it to him. He said she looks really good on the cover though. Howard said he might have to start selling his stuff. He said he wants to do a showing. Robin said he should. Howard said he might.
Robin said that TMZ says that someone is trying to sell pictures of Chris Dorner to the press. They say that the body is missing the head and limbs in the post death pictures. Howard asked where Janks' call was. He said he knows Robin heard it already.
Robin read about Oscar Pistorius and what's going on with him. they say they found testosterone and needles in his home. Robin said he'll be in court again tomorrow pushing for bail.
Howard said Beth got a treadmill for the apartment. He said he thought it was dumb but now he walks on it while watching TV. He said he watched The Bachelor from earlier this week and he walked over 4 miles while watching it. He said the show took up 2 hours so he walked 4 miles. Howard said he usually sits and eats nuts while he's watching TV. He said it's great to walk and watch TV. He said it wasn't such a dumb idea to get that treadmill. Howard said he's hoping that it tightens up his ass. Howard said it's really disgusting.
Robin read more about the Oscar Pistorius story and had some audio of a guy talking about what he knows of Oscar and how he's never shared any stories about his girlfriend. He said most of the stories they shared were about track life. Howard said that guy Oscar had a great life and he's fucking super models.
Robin read a story about Lance Armstrong and this being the final day to talk to the anti-doping committee. Robin said they still want him to talk to them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was wondering why they are posting stuff on @SternShow about the news that they don't talk about on the show. Howard said they share it internally and sometimes they'll share that stuff on Twitter. The caller said that he thought it was kind of odd that it wasn't Howard Stern news. Howard said he thought that they could bring more people under the tent by doing that. Howard said they find all of these cool links so why not put them on there. The caller said he thinks it's great but he did find it odd. Howard said they can't use it all on the radio so they're putting it on Twitter and HowardStern.com
Howard said the other day one of the guys found a mixed martial arts thing where a chick was fighting a dude and she beat the shit out of him. Howard said she fucked him up. Howard said it was hilarious. Howard said they tweeted that out. Howard said he enjoyed it and it's not good for the radio so he thought it would be cool to do that. Howard said that the fans complain about everything. He said he's not sure why anyone would be upset by that. Jason said he sees that they get retweeted more than anything else they put out there. Howard said that they have this thing they call Moldred there that they all share and write on and it's like their own Facebook. Howard said most of it ends up being porn and name calling but they do have some stuff like that on there. Howard said he has a Twitter too and that's @HowardStern. He said that's where he actually goes on and tweets from. He said he'd like to do more there but he's too lazy. He said he keeps most of his stuff for on air. He said that's where he gets paid to do things.
Robin mentioned that they're thinking of making the next Pope a black guy. That led to Howard playing some audio of Sal and Richard talking to a women out on the street about that. Howard also had some interviews with some black guys out on the street about the pope.
Robin read about Adam Lanza and how he was part of a documentary last night on PBS. Howard said that was fast. Robin said that people say that he was quiet and kept to himself. Howard said that's a new angle. Robin had some audio from the show.
Robin read about Robin Roberts returning to Good Morning America. She had some audio of her talking to her co-hosts. Howard was goofing on a co-host that was laughing at a line she said about having better platelets than another co-host. Fred ended up playing some Gilbert Gottfried laughs.
Robin read about gas prices going up and up. Robin said that they have been for some time. Howard said there are some places where it's only 3 bucks a gallon. Robin said it's like 5 bucks a gallon in Hawaii. Robin said that cab drivers are saying it's tough. She had some audio of a cab driver talking about how tough it is. Robin said the prices are rising daily and this is usually the time that prices are down. Robin said average prices are around $3.75 a gallon.
Howard said he was reading some article where they said that if Fracking goes into overload then America and Israel will be the two top gas producing countries in the world. Howard said the whole world could change because of that. Robin said we have to get it right and we can do it. Howard said he can't wait because we'll all dress up like Sheiks with sheets on our heads. They wrapped up and ended the show a short time later.
Jon said that Tim went in with his app to find clean bathrooms. Jon said he's already put $8,000 into the app and Mark shot that down pretty quick. He said Richie went in with that Shittens thing and he seemed to like that idea but he didn't have much to back it up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said both Gary and Tim have had unsuccessful pitches. Jon said he knows Tim was excited about it. He said that he had an idea for a leash for a TV remote too. He said he wished he had pitched that one. Jon said that Tim's app already exist but Tim has changed it. He said that Mark shot him down so quickly that we didn't get to hear more about it.
Jon said he gives Tim credit for doing what he did. Gary said he's not sure he had to tell Mark that he shit all over the wall there. Jon said that he wanted to add some color to the story so he understood that.
Jon asked Gary if he knew that Tim had put 8 grand into the app. Gary said he was told he put 4 into it and it was going to take another 4 to get it going. Gary said he was getting a ton of IMs about how there's already apps that do this bathroom thing though.
Jon said that Richie got a lot of notice with his idea for Shittens. Richie said that he only put about 8 minutes of time into it. He said everyone he's spoken to has told him that it was a great idea. He said no one has taken a shit on him about it. Richie said he's getting in touch with companies to do it. He said it's out there and he knew that he was going to be doing that by mentioning it today. Gary said he might have some kind of copyright on it since it got to air today.
Jon said that Mark was taking him seriously today. Richie said that when he told him there was something there he almost skipped a beat. He said Ronnie told him that Mark was cracking up the whole way down in the elevator. He said that Mark told him to try to get on Shark Tank. He said he would have asked how to do that if he could have. Richie said that he would love to have a Shittens brand but he thinks he has to change the name. Jon said he could change the shit to dollar signs and stuff. Gary said that's a good idea. Jon said he might have to get 33 percent of the company for that.
Gary said that they asked Scott DePace to be part of this but he didn't want to do it. He didn't want to make a fool out of himself. Jon said maybe he just didn't want to do the pitch. Gary said he might be out of Video Caddy's and he's just done with it. Jon said he could make other versions for smaller things like phones. Richie said he could do the iCaddy.
Jon and Gary talked about the Trump feud that Mark has had going for a while now. They talked about the letter Trump sent to Mark and how he hung it next to his NBA trophy. Jon said that he's really motivated not to lose.
Richie said that Mark is really cool because he's a billionaire and he comes there by himself. He said he's a regular guy who is worth billions.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jon drives him nuts when he talks about sports. He said that Mark's team has gotten their ass kicked by the Spurs so many times. Gary said he has won a trophy in the past 10 years though. The caller said the team isn't that great. He said he's not Steinbrenner. He said he is not a winner. He said it's fucking annoying. Jon said that's what Steinbrenner did for 20 years. He said that Mark cares about the team that much that he'll put up the money for the great players. He said they're a successful franchise now and that's because of Mark. Gary said the Yankees didn't win for 15 years while Steinbrenner was running the team. The caller said they have to be kidding him with that analogy. Gary said they didn't bring it up, he did. They argued for a few more seconds and then went to break.
Jon asked Scott DePace if he gave up on the Video Caddy. Scott said he hasn't had the web site up for a year and a half. He said that he hasn't sold any for 2 years. He said he told them that he gave it up.
Jon said he was surprised that he didn't pitch anything today. Scott said he has other ideas but he didn't know he had to do it today. Will said he emailed him about it. Scott said he did not see the email. Will said when he types in his name they have so many email addresses. He said he's not sure which one works. Scott said he had an email address that changed about 6 months ago. He said he let Tracy know and let the IT guy know. Will said he can't go looking for it. Scott said he's not sure what else he's supposed to do.
Gary asked if Scott had anything he would have pitched. Scott said he could have if he had time. He said that he didn't think that he took anything serious in there. Gary said he took that Shittens thing seriously. Scott said that will never happen. Gary said he thinks that Mark was interested. Richie said that Mark told him that he had something there. Scott said he doesn't think Shittens would work.
Jon asked Scott why he's so frustrated by the whole thing. Scott said he's not. He said he just thinks that Mark was just playing along for the show.
Gary said he doesn't think that Scott can revel in anyone's success other than his own. Scott said he thinks it would be awesome if Richie made a million bucks off of that. Gary said he thinks that Mark was interested in it. Scott said maybe they're just not as bright as he is.
Jon asked what he thought of Tim's idea. Scott said he thinks he can find a bathroom without an app. Tim came in and said that it was a great idea. He said it's a review of a bathroom just like Yelp was a review app for restaurants.
Jon asked Tim about the app and how he came up with the idea. Tim said it did come from his problem there and he looked into some things and saw how they work. He said that this app would have more layers to it. Jon asked what other services it would have. Tim said it would be a rating service and people can participate. He said you can take pictures and upload them.
Jon asked Scott if he thinks this is a dumb idea. Scott said he doesn't know. Tim said it's not a dumb idea. He said he has put 4 grand into it so far. Scott said he has some good ideas for apps so Tim should talk to him about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought the Mark Cuban interview was great. He said he seems like a regular guy for a billionaire. The caller said he saw Rachel Fine too so he told Richie that he scored big there.
Jon said that Mark does come off like a regular guy. He said he was talking about not spoiling his kids. Gary said that Howard asked if he had one nanny for each kid. Mark said he just had one for the whole family. Jon asked how you don't spoil your kids. Tim said he tries to be there for them and communicate with them as much as possible. Scott laughed and asked what kind of answer that is. Tim asked what he does to them and if he just swats them with a newspaper. Scott said they were talking about spoiling your kids and spending money on them. Scott said you have to lead by example. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said that the back burgerage thing was funny today. Mr. Skin said they had to come up with something other than breasts and butt every time.
Gary asked about what the kids think at school. Mr. Skin said that the kids don't know yet but they will in a few years. He said that the fathers of the kids are all huge fans and they listen to this show so it's great. He said that the kids don't know yet. Gary said it's coming. Mr. Skin said he knows.
Scott said that Mr. Skin rattled off about 3 time codes about movies and asked if they're real. Mr. Skin said they are. Jon said Scott is so cynical about everything. He doesn't believe a thing anyone says. Scott asked for another one. Mr. Skin mentioned a scene in a movie where Molly Ringwald got topless at the 15 minute mark.
Gary asked if he can remember other things like he remembers that. Mr. Skin said he used to forget girl's names 10 minutes after finding out what they were. He said that was years ago of course.
Mr. Skin said that Molly Ringwald's breasts are spectacular. Scott asked if there's a best of all time. Mr. Skin said that Jennifer Connelly might be one of the best ever. The guys talked about a couple of other favorites of theirs. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
TDiHH: Atlantic City Trip, February 21, 1995. 02/21/11. 6:00am
In the first clip, from February 21, 1995 we heard Howard talking about being in Atlantic City with his buddies. He said that Ralph and Neil ended up in bed together and Ralph was naked. After an edited out break Howard got back to the story and told Robin the details about what went on down there. Howard said Ralph doesn't gamble much so he stays in his room most of the time. He gets all excited about the room instead of about gambling.
Howard talked about how beat he was when he got up to his room around midnight. Ralph was running around in his bathrobe so no one could get in. Howard said he had the double doors locked and he was in this kimono. Howard said they were at the Trump casino and it was like Ralph was settling in to live there. He had porn on every TV. He said Ralph was using the tub to take a bath and things like that too.
Howard said he got into the room and saw a big ring in the tub. Ralph told him that he took care of himself in the tub. He said it was a black tub so it was showing the ring around the edge. Robin shook when she heard that story. Howard said it was like a big soup in there. He wanted to puke. Ralph was in the studio laughing.
Howard said they were in Dominic's Limo so they had 5 guys in the back. He said they picked Ralph up in Jersey and he sat in the good seat. Then he was acting like it was his own car. Howard said he was fighting Ronnie and different people.
Howard said they wanted some girls to rub them down but it never happened. He said the only girls they could get were hookers. He said that they're not hard to find down there. Howard said they were looking around and found some girls but he decided against it. Howard said he would have ended up in jail.
Howard said that Neil had a cot to sleep on and he didn't like his arrangements. He said that he didn't want to sleep in that cot so Ralph offered him his room. Howard said Dan Foreman was going to offer him the room but he's a homophobe so he didn't even want to be in the room with Ralph. They goofed on Dan about that for a few minutes.
Howard told Robin about how Ralph showed his penis to the guys. Ralph said it was only to Neil. Howard said Ralph and Neil came down to the blackjack tables and they looked more guilty than OJ. Howard said it was hot in the hotel so Neil stripped down to just about nothing. Ralph said he told him that he didn't want a show.
Howard said Ralph and Neil got the idea to rig the bathroom for Dan's shower in the morning. He said they took the towels and loaded them up with lotion. Howard said they took the shower cap and molded it over the shower head. They took the shower curtain off so he had nothing but toilet paper hanging off the rod. Ralph said they put bath oil on the knobs too. Howard said Dan said he saw all of the crap all over the towels. He just went in and took the shower and he was unphased by the whole thing. He was like a guy who had been goofed on his whole life and he was used to it.
Howard said Dan saw that Ralph and Dan had big smiles on their face while they slept. Ralph said it was like Christmas morning and they were waiting for Dan to take his shower. Howard asked Ralph if anything happened in the bed with Neil. Ralph said nothing as far as he remembers.
Howard told Robin about how they had a black dealer at the blackjack table. He said this guy wasn't being all that friendly. He said Neil was asking inappropriate questions so Dominic got up and started yelling at Neil. Then some guy came over to get an autograph and Dominic ended up yelling at him. The guy was drunk so he was ready to fight Dominic. Howard said that's what his weekend was like.
TDiHH: Henry Hill, February 21, 1992. 02/21/11. 6:30am
Next up was a segment from 1992 when Henry Hill was on the show. Howard asked Henry some questions about the movie ''Goodfellas'' and if the stuff in the movie was true. Howard tried talking to Henry about all of that stuff but he kept cursing so Howard said he might not be able to have him on the air. Howard asked about meeting Robert De Niro and things like that.
Howard talked to Henry about his wife and henry said that she's looking for his money. He cursed again so Howard told him he has to watch that. Henry went off on his wife saying that she's half a dyke. Howard said they should have put that in the movie. Henry said they left about a half hour of stuff on the floor.
Howard asked Henry about stuffing that guy into the trunk and Henry told him to shush. Howard said he had it in the movie.
Howard said he can't blame Henry for being on drugs. He said if the mob was after him he'd be on drugs too. Henry said he's on Prozac. Howard asked Henry about some of the guys they killed off and Henry told Howard about one of the guys who was let go very slowly and it was Gotti who took care of him himself. Howard said he doesn't mind if mob guys take care of each other as long as he's not caught in the crossfire.
Howard took a call from a guy who had a run in with Henry. He said that Henry his band but the other guys he was with didn't like them. They ended up getting rid of their keyboard player and he ended up with a phony $100 Bill when they finally got paid. Henry asked what this guy's name was. The caller said he didn't want to say. Henry said he was pretty sure who it was. Howard asked Henry if he knew the guy. Henry said the story did sound a little familiar.
Henry told Howard to get that fat, Jew, bitch wife of his on the phone. Henry wasn't happy with her at all. He told Howard that he's done with Jews now.
Howard asked Henry about how many guys he actually killed. Henry told him not to get personal now. He didn't want to get into that stuff with him.
Howard asked Henry if he can get laid out on the lamb like he is. Henry said he has a girlfriend right now. He said he's doing just fine.
Howard spent a few more minutes with Henry before letting him go. He had him laughing at times and his laugh was pretty scary. Howard said there isn't much difference between Henry and Jeffrey Dahmer. Howard said Henry is out there on the lamb now and he was just checking in with them. They went to break after that.
TDiHH: Sam Kinison In L.A., February 21, 1990. 02/21/11. 6:55am
Next up was a segment from February 21, 1990 where Howard called Sam Kinison from a live broadcast in Los Angeles. In the clip Howard told Sam about some stuff he was up to. Sam said he was out with Stuttering John the night before. He said that he and Arsenio ended up arguing when he was out and he was ready to knock the guy out. Sam said he was out at the China Club with Stuttering John. Howard said that he can't be taking John out like that.
Howard asked Sam more about what he said to Arsenio and found out he grabbed his face and Arsenio wasn't saying a word to him. He said he had 5 guys pulling him up the stairs. John told Sam he loves him and he would do anything for him.
Sam told Howard that he's nominated for a Grammy so he'll be out there tomorrow. Howard asked what he's going to do there. Sam said he came up with some stuff to do. He said that they won't be airing his competition though.
Howard asked Sam about goofing on Sebastian Bach at the American Music Awards. Sam said he wanted the other guys, Warrant, to win because he knows those guys.
Sam told Howard about the guys he's up against for the Grammy. They mentioned that PDQ Bach was in there and Gary had to explain to Howard who the guy was.
Howard asked Sam more about what happened with Arsenio. Sam told Howard how he came in with his bodyguard and he told Arsenio that he was a snake and cursed him out. Then he grabbed his face and asked if he wanted to do something about it. He said they ran out of there and pulled Arsenio out. Howard said that's too cool.
Howard let Sam go and had Kari Wuhrer come in. Howard said she sued to be on MTV but no one knows who she is. Howard said she's really cute but that's her whole thing. Howard said she has a good voice and she just signed with Rick Rubin. He said he saw her making out with him. Howard said he thinks he could have sex with her. He said she has such a tight little body. Howard said guys must freak out over her. He said she's really obnoxious though. He knows that she wouldn't play any attention to him if he didn't have a radio show. Howard asked if she has ever seen Rick Rubin naked. She didn't know what to say. She told Howard she hasn't.
Howard told Gary to have Kari come back. Gary went out to get her but she was busy talking to some other show.
Sam showed up so Howard had him on live instead of on the phone. They spent a minute talking before Kari showed up again. Howard asked if she would show up in his hotel room naked. Kari said she has too much respect for him to do that. Howard told her to come back later with Rick.
After some edited out content Howard came back and Gary asked what guests they wanted to talk to. Howard ended up saying he'd talk to Alice Cooper but not Charles Fleisher. Howard said he has tried to talk to Charles before but he won't do the Roger Rabbit voice for them. Howard told Gary to blow the other guys off.
Rick Rubin showed up so Howard had Kari back on. They spent some time talking to Rick too. Howard had to shake Sam's hand for getting into a fight with Arsenio. Sam told Howard that the guy is a jerk. He said he will never do his show and Arsenio knows it.
After another edited out break Howard came back and talked to Rick about doing an album with him. Rick said they'd have to edit a lot of they wanted to put out an album. Howard told Kari to take off all of her clothes or leave the microphone.
Gary told Howard that they have some people who want to do the show and he had Charles Fleisher asking if he was getting the brush off. Gary said maybe they can talk to him for a couple of minutes and then Alice Cooper will be ready to come in. Howard thanked Rick and Kari for coming in and let them go. Kari mooned the as she was leaving. Howard sounded very happy about that.
Howard had Charles Fleisher come in and told him that he should make that Roger Rabbit do some dirty stuff. Sam said that he and Charles go way back. He told Howard about getting into an accident once with Charles in the car. Howard said he heard that they left the car and didn't wait for the police. Sam said that's not what happened. They spent a few minutes talking about that.
Howard and Sam spent a few minutes talking more about the Arsenio thing. Howard told Sam to give them a call when he's at the Grammy's and they'll put him on the air while they're announcing the winner. Sam said that would be great.
Alice Cooper showed up so Howard let Charles go. Howard asked Alice if he wanted to perform a song for them or did the other stations already do that. Alice said they did. Howard gave him a guitar anyway. Sam played a little bit but Alice wasn't interested in playing.
Howard had Sam and Carmine playing a little bit. They played some of Alice's stuff so Alice sang a little bit of ''School's Out.'' Howard asked the guys if they knew ''I'm 18.'' They played some of that for Alice to sing along to. Howard spent a minute talking to Alice before wrapping up and ending the show.
Steve Grillo...'bud i downt have a plaze to livea...heh heh' 2-21-96. Mike Gange and Steve Grillo are losing their home. Stuttering John has been subbing out his NYC apartment to Mike and Steve but John's landlord want's John evicted. From what I gather, John isn't supposed to be renting his apartment out to anyone and the landlord found out about Mike and Steve. John, Mike and Steve got in to a huge yelling match late this morning about this matter. Grillo thinks that John can't throw him out because he doesn't have any where else to go. That's not John's problem. Mike seems to understand this but he doesn't really want to move out either. All three say that they have lawyers trying to stop the eviction but one of the lawyers called in and told them all to shut up because they're all ruining the case. More on this when we get the whole story.
These arguments went back and forth for quite some time. Mike Gange was saying too much so the Lawyer asked him specifically to be quiet. Howard was wondering how he could get Steve Grillo out of his office. He was afraid he was going to squat in there too.
Howard said he loves the interns. He could watch this stuff going on all day long. Howard called the office and asked to speak to Grillo. Howard asked him if he was locking himself in there. Grillo said he just had to go in and cool off for a minute.
TDiHH: Anthony Kiedis In L.A., February 21, 1991. 02/21/11. 11:20am
Next up was a segment from 1991 where Howard spoke to Anthony Kiedis from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Howard asked Anthony about some trouble the band got into when they were doing a show. Anthony told Howard about that incident and how it wasn't a sexual assault like they claimed it was. He explained it all to Howard. They also talked about some of the stuff Anthony has seen Howard do and how he loved his Lesbian Dating Game that he did on his WWOR TV show.
Howard talked to Anthony about them performing with socks on their penises. Howard said he used to put on puppet shows when he was a kid and he got them taken away from him. Anthony told Howard about how dangerous it can be and how you have to be careful about swiping the girls in the front row.
Howard and Anthony talked about the Grammy's since that's what Howard was out in L.A. for. They talked about Sinead O'Connor and some of the stuff she was in the news for. Howard did an impression of Sinead for a minute as he was talking to Anthony. He was pointing out how she rambles on and on about anything and everything.
Anthony told Howard about how they were going into the studio to record with Rick Rubin. Howard told Anthony that they know Rick and he wanted to help them out with some TV stuff. Howard said Rick thought he could do something with TV even though he has no experience with it. Anthony said he could have people eating French fries out of that big beard of his. Howard had to take a break but during the break he saw Robin checking out Anthony so he had him stick around. Robin seemed to be into him so Anthony took his shirt off for her. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Anthony and he seemed to be into her.
After an edited out break Gary asked Howard if he wanted to talk to some other band. Howard said he didn't want to talk to them. Howard said they already said no about this one chick. Howard said Gary should know better. Gary got all upset with Howard and Robin goofing on him. Gary said they dig making him run around like an ass. Howard said that's his job. Howard told Gary to get out of there. Then he called him back and told him to repeat after him. Gary walked away but Howard had John chase after him with the mic. Howard told Gary that he was unimportant and he should just serve, go to sleep and then wake up to serve him again. Gary said there is no escape. Jackie laughed his ass off.
Howard did a live commercial and ended up having to fart. Howard said he swore on his life that the fart he did yesterday was real. This was going to be real too. He had some good looking girls looking at him though so he had to get them kicked out. Then he ripped the fart into the mic. Howard said that was bad. He told Gary to keep Robin out of there. Howard told Gary to get him a pot. He has to make a movement.
In the clip Howard took a call from Ian the Drunk who was a frequent caller. Ian was rambling on and on about things that didn't make sense to Howard or Robin. Howard ended up going off on the engineers for tinkering with his board because the phone level was too low. Howard said it has to be much hotter. Howard let Ian go on and on while he yelled at the Engineers.
Ian was talking about Barbara Walters and Howard said this guy is so out of it he thinks they're sitting and listening to him. Howard said Ian can't even hear him. Howard said all he has to do is throw a word in once in a while.
Howard asked Ian what he drank. Ian went off on another tangent and cursed so Howard said he has to go. Howard said that he can't curse. Howard thanked him for the call and threatened to hang up. Ian continued to ramble until Howard finally hung up on him.
TDiHH: Goofing On Gary, February 21, 1995. 02/21/11. 11:40am
Next up on This Date in Howard History we heard a segment where Howard and the guys were goofing on Gary. Billy West was doing his impression of Gary. He had Howard cracking up with the impression. Billy was saying a lot of the things that Gary says on the show a lot. Billy even had Gary cracking up with the impression. Billy did an impression of Gary imitating Robin that Gary didn't get right away.
Howard asked Gary how his son Jackson is doing. Gary said he's doing well. He told Howard about what he does and Howard goofed on him. Billy continued to do the impression of Gary talking about his kid.
Billy was cracking Jackie up so much he was turning bright red. Jackie said he had waited 3 years to use a joke that Billy had just used. Howard said he really was red. They wrapped up and ended the show after that.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 9:00am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:35am.