|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard and the guys were back live this morning. Howard started the show talking to Robin who was back from her week off and back from her surgery. Robin said she was at NYU where she was being studied. Howard asked if she had a statement to make. Robin said she had a major surgery and she had a mass removed from her pelvic area and she has some more recovery to do. Robin said everything seems to be fine. She said she thinks that what she gave birth to was an ''it.'' She's broadcasting from home today.
Howard asked if Robin is nude at home. Robin said Jim McClure is there and she didn't want to scare him. She did get dressed for the show. Robin said she is able to see what's going on there via a camera in the studio. She said she watched Howard eating before the show.
Howard said he's with Robin on this. He said that Jenny knows not to go on the show. Gary asked who else gets off the list. Howard said he has to add that to his long list of questions for her. Howard wondered why they're an embarrassment and why she has to cut them out of her life. Howard said she could just avoid questions about Jim and still come on the show. Robin said that it's like they'd cause the relationship to end. She said they always end anyway. Howard said they take everyone back too. Robin said they should throw her out when she shows up. Howard said he's looking forward to seeing her. Howard said Jenny is still hot. He said that if she hit the wall she wouldn't be coming in there.
Howard said Seinfeld is one who dropped them for a while. He said that he did come back and do a phone interview though. Gary said that Arnold Schwarzenegger has avoided them for a long time.
Howard said Joe Walsh is going to come in today too. He said he doesn't think he's performing though. Gary said he's not. Howard said Joe is just coming in to talk. Howard said they have plenty to talk about with Joe.
Howard said he has to talk to Tim Sabean about something. He said he was tweeting about her situation and he doesn't know why he has to do that. Howard said he has to talk to him about that later. Robin said Tim asks you about the most minor of details. She said that he didn't even mention it to Howard about tweeting that she was returning. Howard said he could have done that himself. Robin said maybe she didn't want the tweet.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they had millions of people on the edge of their seats. Howard said Tim didn't help with that. The caller said he's glad that they set up a line to her house.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he's amazed that the thing with Robin is working today. Howard said it'll probably bomb out soon.
Howard said he went to see a movie by himself this weekend. He said he wanted to see The Avengers on Saturday. He said it was a rainy day and he just hates going to the movies. Howard said he knew it would be busy and figured it wouldn't be too bad for the movie that has been out for a while. Howard said he put on a disguise that no one seems to fall for. Howard said he puts on a hoodie and it doesn't seem to keep people from recognizing him. He said most of his disguises are him tucking his hair into a hat. He said he thought he might look like that Trevon Martin kid and he'd get shot.
Howard said he's such a disaster that he has to ask how to get there even though it's right aroudn the block. Howard said he had to ask Beth how to get there.
Howard said The Avengers is a scary movie for a 5 or 6 year old but parents will take them out to inappropriate movies anyway. Howard said he was sitting there through the endless previews. He said it took like 20 minutes to get through them. He said he gets worn out. He figured he'd be out by 3pm and didn't want to sit there until 4.
Gary told Howard that Congress is trying to get them to put in the paper what time the movie actually starts. Howard said he applauds that and the fact that Mayor Bloomberg is trying to outlaw the huge sodas there. He said that stuff is poison and he ends up having to pay for the health insurance for these people. Howard said that it's a shame that no one can parent themselves. Howard said we do need government to be involved. Howard said he thinks it's right that they want to govern the movie start time.
Howard said he was sitting there at the movies and he must have looked menacing. Howard said people are coughing and talking and there's no regard for the fact that it's a movie and other people are there. He said it's crazy. Robin said that we do accept some of that behavior. Howard said the fat people are eating popcorn and the women are the size of elephants eating it. Howard said he can't believe that they can't sit there for 2 hours without eating. Howard said it's unbelievable.
Howard said he saw one woman waddling down the aisle with food and she probably just ate lunch. Howard said they're constantly feeding. Robin said it's like a herd of animals. Howard said he's disgusted and he'd rather just wait for a movie to come out on DVD.
Robin said people act like they're home. Howard said one woman was walking up and down the aisle with bare feet.
Howard said one couple showed up asking if the seats were empty by him. He said he made a noise and told them to just sit. He did it in a deep voice and they just moved on. Howard said a father and his daughter showed up and he made more noises. He thinks he scared them away too. He said if he acts like he has CP he can scare more people away. Howard said he could act like Crackhead Bob and scare them away from him.
Howard said he was bragging to Beth that he got to the theater by himself. He said he thinks the movie was good but he was obsessing about the sneezing and the noise. Howard said just as the movie was starting he had a grandma and a mom with their kids sit down. They had no idea what the movie was going to be. They were stuffing the kids full of food. Howard said the little girl says she's scared. Howard said he said at the top of his lungs that they should just go home when the girl said she wanted to go home. Howard said they waddled out of there. He said he knew that the kid would be crying if she stayed. Howard said he can't believe that parents are so clueless.
Howard said there's a new Pixar movie that they could have taken that kid to see. Howard said she can learn something from that. Howard said he got to see the whole movie but he walked out quickly when it was over. Howard said he didn't want to hang aroudn for the credits.
Howard said he's just a miserable guy. He said he was miserable with Robin too. Howard said he was getting annoyed with that whole thing. Howard said he likes doing the show with Robin and he does that under protest. Howard said he's glad she's there. Robin said she was wondering if she could get people to send her movies for sympathy. She said she's dying to see Prometheus but she can't go see it.
Howard asked Robin if she watched the finale of Game of Thrones. Robin said she did. She said she didn't like the episode. She said she thought it was like nothing really happened. Howard said it's just cool stuff. He said he hates that there aren't any naked women anymore. He said he wants everyone naked all the time.
Bobo said he was watching the Howard TV clip where he was talking about Robin. Howard said he didn't know Robin was going to be back so quick. He said now she's back but he got all emotional. Howard said he almost lost it on the air because of her. Howard said he did tear up but nothing came out.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and welcomed Robin back. She said that everyone has been asking how she's doing. Mariann said she thought Tim's tweet was approved so she kept tweeting it out. Howard said Tim must get annoyed that people keep asking about her and he had to respond. Howard said they have to take his Twitter account from him. He said he has like 3000 followers. Mariann said she has more than him.
Mariann told Howard she's been watching AGT every night that it's on. Howard said it's been on just about every night on a bunch of channels. Howard hung up on Mariann a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's great to see that AGT is doing well. He said that it looks like the ratings are going to be even higher. Howard said everyone seems to be enjoying it and it's been a blast to be part of it. He said there is a different fan base for the show. He said older women are coming up to him now and saying hi. He said in the past you could tell who the fans were but now it's hard. He said that he could look at some people and know they're fans but now he can't tell. He said a bunch of people come up to him and tell him how much they like the show. He said it's like a whole different set up of fans. He can't recognize them now.
The caller said that he has people coming up to him at work asking if he watched the show and he's the one who told them about it.
The caller told Howard that there's a MAD magazine cartoon on the Cartoon Network. Howard said he has watched a couple of episodes. Howard said it's good. He said they have little drawings from the magazine and it's well done. The caller liked it too.
Howard said he watches stand-up comedy specials on Comedy central but he's getting tired of it. Howard said he can only last like 2 minutes. He said he liked Bill Bellamy though. He said he thought he was kind of a generic kind of comic but he was good. Howard said he used to be on MTV. He said he's kind of edgy and very good. He said he liked his opening 5 minutes. He said he had to give him a shout out after seeing that.
Howard said there were some security guys there and one guy must have recognized him. He said one guy he couldn't tell where he was from. Howard said he whispered the name to the guy and the guy said ''what'' like he had no idea what he was talking about. He said he kept telling him what the name was and he had no idea who he was talking about. Howard said there was no acknowledgment that there was a code name. Howard said he had been trying to call the hospital and they had no idea either. Howard he just gave the guy Robin's name instead. Howard said the guy kept saying ''what'' and didn't find her under her real name either.
Howard said the other security guy told him to follow him. He said he thought the guy knew where to go. Howard said the place was packed. He said the guy brought him up the back elevator. He said there were a bunch of people on the elevator and Robin was on the 23rd floor. Robin said she gave Howard specific instructions. Howard said that's what he was using. Howard said he was told to go to floor number 6. Howard said he thought the guy knew where he was supposed to go. He got off on floor 6 and they told him there was no Robin there. He said they told him to go to 23. Howard said they got back on the elevator and the guy told him to go to 16. Howard said he thought he had to go to 16 to get to 23. Howard said they were on the wrong floor again. Howard said he told the guy they had to go to 23. He said he was ready to go home at that point.
Howard said he got back on and the guy tells the elevator operator to go to 24. He said he had to go to 23. Howard said the guy couldn't remember what floor he was trying to get to. Robin said maybe he was with a mental patient who stole a guard's outfit.
Howard said he finally got to see Robin and he asked her what kind of alias ''From Baltimore'' is. Howard said he told her to use Alissa Abromowitz and that would make things easy because it stars with the letter A. Fred said he got up there no problem.
Howard picked up on Eric and asked how he got Ralph's number. Eric said he got his number when Ralph tried calling him a couple of years ago.
Howard said Eric is trying to promote this AGT wrap up show. Howard asked when it's on. Eric said it's on Wednesday nights at midnight east coast and 9pm West coast.
Gary told Howard that Eric left a voice mail for Will where he complains about people saying he speaks too slow. Howard played the clip and Eric was yelling about how he doesn't grunt when he talks. Howard said it's not a grunt but his words get stuck. Howard said sometimes he talks so slow that it's ridiculous. Howard played more of the clip and Eric was yelling about how he speaks at a normal rate of speed. He said he doesn't grunt when he speaks. He yelled that they should shut the fuck up.
Howard said Eric has a show at midnight on the JFSC. Robin asked if he has clips. Howard said he's avoiding playing them because they're so boring. Howard said it's just Eric answering questions from the fans. Howard said he did it with American Idol and he's doing it with AGT now.
Howard played a clip and Eric was talking about the name of the show. Howard said that they've only listened to 15 seconds of the show and he's not sure if anyone wants to hear more of it. Fred said no. Robin said this doesn't sound like a show at all. Eric said he was going to be recapping the show every week. Howard kept cutting it off like he couldn't take it. Robin said it's like the air going out of a balloon. Howard said the audio is bad. Eric said once they get a budget for the show then things will get better. Howard said it sounds like he's broadcasting under water.
JD said that he did a 20 minute show and after 10 minutes he was out of things to talk about. JD said he hates this because he has to be there to watch this shit. Eric told him that he could wait for it to be on YouTube. JD said ''Oh, thank god.''
Howard played another clip where Eric ran out of things to talk about. Eric was reading the chat room he was in and saying he wishes he could kick some people out. Howard said it's the same thing over and over again. Eric said it turns out he could have been kicking people out. Eric's co-host told Eric that he could talk about anything else he wanted to talk about. Eric didn't know what to talk about. Eric wants to do an hour long show now. Howard asked how he's going to fill an hour. Eric said they take questions from Twitter through @JFSCTV
Howard told Eric he should prepare for this show and maybe come up with a different agenda. Eric said what he'd like to do is maybe do interviews. He said he would like to interview Howard, Sharon, Nick and Howie. Howard said he thinks that Eric may not be cut out for this kind of work.
Howard said he has been playing tape of the show and Eric hasn't said anything for the past 10 minutes. He played more audio of Eric and his co-host asked what his favorite acts were. Eric mentioned a couple of acts he liked. Robin said the least he could do is know the names of the performers he likes. JD said he doesn't even have a name for the show. Howard said he could find out the names at least. Eric said he didn't remember what their names were because some of them were on the first night. Howard said he should have a list in front of him about that stuff. Howard said he has to run so he gave Eric a plug for his new show.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he has a get well poem for Robin. He said he had to get his notes out because he is prepared. Howard hung up on him.
Robin said she would like a poem from Ronnie. Howard said he did one the other day and it wasn't all that good. Robin said she wants one for her. Howard told Ronnie to write one about her then.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he has Lisa G there with her headlines and he has to talk to her about her Sweet and Greet. Gary told Howard that Jenny is there. Howard asked why he has that dopey look on his face. Gary said he just loves Jenny. Howard said he has that dopey look on his face. He said it's creepy.
Gary said that Howard is very annoyed today. Howard said he is. He said he bought a book called ''Getting Things Done'' and it tells you how to get things done and get rid of the people who aren't doing their jobs. Howard said he's the one who is supposed to fix things aroudn there. He said he has to get rid of some people around there. Howard told Gary that they have to stop Tim from Tweeting. Gary said he can't do that because Tim is his boss. Howard said he really isn't his boss. He said he's demoting Tim. Howard said that Gary should be in charge of Tim.
Howard said he has to take a break and then get Jenny in there. Howard asked if she has a mini skirt on. Gary said it's more like a mini-dress. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along with Robin's singing. Howard said that Jenny McCarthy is there to promote her new show ''Love In the Wild'' that premieres this week.
Howard said that Jenny is dressed pretty hot. Robin asked if Jenny is doing another Playboy shoot. Jenny said she is. Howard said Jenny is one of the most beautiful women. Howard said that she said she would bang him years ago. She said Howard turned her down. She said this was pre-Beth too. She said she's single again. Howard said it just wasn't meant to be.
Howard said he read about Jenny's first husband who said she was such a freak in bed. Howard asked what those things are. Jenny isn't afraid to bring another woman into bed. Jenny said he may have said that they got really good at what they do in bed. Howard asked if he can be very blunt. Jenny said he can. So can she. Howard asked about the sex thing and Jenny told Howard that choking on a cock is what she's talking about. She said she loves doing that too. Howard said he defies her to try and choke on his. Jenny said that she has studied what the good BJ givers have done. She said she learned deep throat tricks and things like that. Jenny said she learned to swallow it and cup the balls and things like that.
Jenny asked if she should hold back on what she talks about. Howard said it's too late. Howard asked if she drinks soda all the time. She said she doesn't but she's having his can of coke for the first time in like 20 years.
Howard asked Jenny about going down on a man if she will tell the guy what to do if he's doing it wrong. Jenny said she might make suggestions like fingering her at the same time you're eating her out. She said she will ask the guy what he wants too. Howard asked if she's offended when a guy tells her that she's doing it wrong. She said she hasn't heard that in a really long time.
Howard said most women are really bad at oral. Jenny said she thinks that she's really good and she could conquer it. Howard said he thought he didn't like blow jobs but he's had a couple that were very memorable because they were so good. Jenny said they have to multi-task and they have to know how to do it. Howard said some women really get into it.
Jenny said she has a secret about her blow jobs. Jenny said there's something that she uses that tastes like watermelon and it's really good. She said that it makes you want to suck it and bite it. She said it lubes it up too.
Howard asked if she was a freak in bed then she must bring girls home with her. Howard asked how she keeps from getting jealous. Jenny said she's not sure why guys would be insecure about that. Howard said he's not sure that the girl isn't going to leave him. Jenny said many women need a cock in them and they can't have just a woman.
Howard said they're going to talk about Jenny's new show today. He said he always felt that she was a great guest on the show but then the change began. Howard said it was very abrupt. Howard said they call it the Autism years. Howard said he's glad he missed those years. Howard said she became an Autism expert. Howard said he felt that she hooked up with Jim Carrey and he's an A-list guy and she must have said to herself that she had to change her image. Jenny said that it wasn't Jim, it was Autism that changed her. She said she didn't think that she could ever tell a joke again. She said her son was diagnosed with Autism and it was a very dark period in her life.
Jenny said she did 3 years of books and going aroudn touring and talking about Autism. Howard said she abandoned him. Jenny laughed. Jenny said he's so wrong. Howard said the last time she did the show was aroudn the time she met Jim. Jenny said it was when she was out promoting her autism books. Howard said she went into the whole Oprah Winfrey thing. Howard said she's only back because Jim and Oprah left her. Jenny said she's happy again. She said she's so much happier now. She said she's very happy without Jim. Howard asked if he's a dark guy. Jenny said that as she gets older she sees things more clearly. She said that Jim has talked about how he's a sad guy. Howard said he's annoying and it must be hard to be in that relationship. Howard said he lived in his car with his parents and he has issues. Jenny said we all have issues but yes, Jim did have issues. She said it was a struggle for him.
Howard said Jim is a man who enjoys women and he's into the darker side. Howard said he's just one of these guys he pictures as being freaky. He said that he figured that's why he liked Jenny. Howard asked if she ever brought a woman home to him. Jenny said that never happened. She said the relationship got kind of separated toward the end. She said she needs a lot of sex. She said she has to masturbate at least once a day. Sometimes it's twice. She said she will stay in bed and have 3 hour orgasms. She said that's when she's vibrating herself. She said she's not kidding about that either.
Jenny said in all the years she was there she never got on that vibrating thing (The Sybian). Howard said he should have had sex with her when he had the chance. Howard said maybe his penis wouldn't have been enough for her. Jenny said she works with Kegle exercises and she thinks it would have been fine and Howard would have loved it.
Howard asked if it's true that Jim Carrey set up a $50 million trust fund for her. Jenny said that's not true and she's pissed about that story. She said she basically walked out with what she had when she went into that relationship. Howard said if he was Jim he would have given her some money. Jenny said if he had offered money she would have asked him to give it to her to put toward her son's schooling. She said that's very expensive. Jenny said that she didn't get any money. She said that Jim doesn't even see her son. She said that she's kind of upset about that too.
Howard said you'd think that Jim would stay in touch because he did develop a father-like relationship. Jenny said her son still asks about Jim and it's pretty much weekly. Jenny said she hasn't been able to talk to Jim directly but she does send messages to him. Jenny said that she does play Jim's movies for her son and she tells him that maybe some day he'll come around.
Jenny told Howard about speed dating and how she's had a bunch of them. Jenny said that the guys were unbelievably bad. She said they were horrific. jenny said the guys were narcissistic or they'd make her pay for dinner. Jenny said that they'd borrow her make up to cover up a zit and things like that. She said she just dated a bunch of guys and didn't have sex with them. Now she's dating a football player. Howard said he's a big deal from what he's heard. Jenny said he's on the Chicago Bears and she's very happy with him. She said she just introduced her son to him last week. Howard said she has to stop that.
Jenny said that she has only introduced her son, Evan, to two guys over the past 10 years. She said that if she likes someone she'll get to the second date and then if she still likes them then she'll go on another date and then she has them take a blood test. She doesn't like condoms so she likes to have the blood test done. Jenny said that she has used the calendar method and she's used that her whole life and it's worked. Howard said he wouldn't want to get her pregnant. Jenny said she won't have anymore kids. She said she can tell Howard that she won't have another kid. She said she got her tubes tied, but not really. Howard asked if she would have an abortion. Jenny said she wouldn't but the calendar method works for her.
Howard asked if she has anal only when she's ovulating. Jenny said she makes sure she has plenty of pull out time if she's having sex. She said she can tell when she's ovulating within the minute it starts. Howard asked if this guy she's dating is going condom-less. She said he is. Howard asked if she's in love. Jenny said she really, really, really likes this guy. Howard said he thought she was done with famous guys. jenny said she's done with actors. She said she's not done with DJs.
Howard asked if he can use a condom with her. Jenny said he can but she'd rather have her cum drip on his balls. Howard said that's hot. Robin asked how she could go 3 years without talking like this. Jenny said she's both people. She said that she can be dirty and be the good mom. Howard said she let Oprah change her life aroudn. Jenny had a deal with Oprah and she got dropped. Howard said he thinks that Oprah dropped her because she broke up with Jim Carrey. Jenny said that's not fair. Howard said she did dump them for Jim. Jenny said that's not what happened.
Jenny said she was in the deal with Oprah to do a Syndicated show with her. She said that they wanted to switch her show to just be on OWN and she walked away from the deal. Jenny said that's when she went to NBC.
Howard said he doesn't think that women can relate to Jenny. Jenny said that she's written 8 books. She said that they can relate. Jenny said that she did that show Singled Out and people thought she couldn't relate. She said she has stayed a team player for the chicks and the books show that.
Howard asked if it was true that the girls in high school hated her guts. Jenny said that is true. Howard asked if the girls lit her hair on fire. Jenny asked if he was trying to make her cry. She told Howard that the girls in school were horrific. Howard said that's a traumatic experience. Jenny said she had a full Aquanet hair style back then. He said it's not shocking that they lit it on fire. Howard said it would be really hot if she went to a catholic school and they tied her up and things. Jenny said she's saving some of that for her next book. She said that some of that stuff will come out.
Howard asked if there was any sexual abuse at the school. Jenny said there wasn't. She said that there is plenty of other stuff that went on that Howard will enjoy reading about.
Howard said Jenny wanted to write a book with him. He said he's never talked about that. Jenny said that they're both very open and honest and she thought that they could have had a good time writing a book together. Howard said he thought he was too busy to write the book. He said Jenny was cool about it. She told him that he'd write it all so he told her that he's not going to let her use his name to write it. Jenny told Howard to just think about it. Jenny said Howard is busy with his fancy TV show. She's going to be following him now. She said they start on Tuesday with ''Love In the Wild.'' Jenny said it's kind of like Survivor and a dating game mixed together.
Howard asked jenny if she dresses sexy in the show. Jenny said she does. She said she decided what to wear on the show and they were kind of caught up in the cleavage she was showing. She said that they do need ratings so she's going to wear what she thinks she should wear. Jenny said she spent a month in the Dominican Republic and she thought it was going to be great. She said they had to drive 4 hours to location and people were getting sick and it was pretty awful. She said that it was hell down there. She said she didn't get laid down there but she did make out. She said she was told not to sleep with any of the contestants and she thought that wasn't fair. She said that she got it on with someone in the crew at the wrap party. She said that she may have touched the outside of his wiener. She said there was no sex though. Jenny said that she was single at the time.
Howard asked Jenny if she has brought any women into bed with the new guy. She said she hasn't. She said that she's comfortable with her own tricks at this point. She said that
Jenny told Howard how great her BJs were and that led to him wondering what broke her and Jim up. Jenny said that she did love Jim and she knew when it was time to end it. Howard said he was so happy when it did end. He said he didn't like her being with him. Howard said he may have been a little jealous. He said he loves his wife but he didn't want her with Jim. Howard said the worst part was that she didn't come on the show and share. jenny said she was very sad and she didn't want to talk about Autism with Howard. She said she'd rather talk about blow jobs.
Howard asked Jenny about the Autism thing and if he's cured. Jenny said he's not ''cured'' but he is ''recovered.'' Jenny said that they have proof that this works and she can't believe that doctors say there is nothing they can do. Jenny said she's still doing talks about Autism but she's also doing the new TV show and things like that. Jenny said she still has a relationship with Oprah and she was very nice the whole time.
Howard asked Jenny if she's wearing panties today. She said she isn't. She said she was thinking about maybe doing a Sharon Stone with him. Howard asked if she's fully shaved. She said she isn't. She said she's going to be in Playboy and that issue comes out in two weeks. She said she has the whole 70s bush in there though. Howard said he'd have her take that whole thing off if she was his girlfriend. Howard asked if she's the cover girl for that month. Jenny said of course she is. She said that she doesn't have any clothes on other than her gloves. Howard said he should have shot that. Jenny said he should have. She said when she turns 50 and thinks about doing it again maybe Howard can do it. Howard said he won't want to do it when she's 50. He said his camera doesn't work for 50.
Howard said Jenny looks fantastic. He said there's nothing wrong with her. Robin said it really would have been great if Howard had shot it. Jenny said it would have.
Howard asked Jenny about Steven Seagal trying to seduce her. Jenny said this story has been out before and it's been overplayed. She said she was playmate of the year and she was asked to do an audition for Under Siege 2. She said she went to an office to audition and there were about 30 other Playmates and porn stars there. She said that Steven told her they saved the best for last. Jenny said that he told her that he had spent a lot of time in Asia doing kung fu stuff. Then he told her that the role would require nudity. She said it did not and he argued with her. She said that he told her that it was off camera nudity. Howard laughed and asked if that's really what he said. Jenny said it is. She said she gave him a horrific performance and then Steven asked her to lower her dress because he couldn't see what she looked like. Jenny said she started to cry and told him to buy her Playboy video. She said he told her not to tell anyone about this when she walked out. Jenny said she told the story the first chance she got. Jenny said she would never sleep with someone to get anywhere in the business.
Howard asked Jenny about the story Jenna Jameson told about her having sex with her. Jenny said that story was not true and she never would have done that. She said that Jenna called her to tell her she was sorry for telling that story. Jenny said that Jenna was trying to tell a good story on the show and it just wasn't true. Jenny said she didn't have sex with Jenna but if she ever had the chance maybe she would have.
Howard asked when the last time was that she had sex with a woman. Jenny said she can't remember. Jenny said she isn't sure if she's even good at it.
Howard asked if Jenny has ever had a blood test come back from a guy who had something funky come up. Jenny said there have been guys who say that they haven't gotten the test back and things like that. She said she says goodbye to them immediately if that happens.
Howard said that Jenny went to Tom Cruise's wedding. Howard asked how that was. Jenny said it was fun and weird. She said that Tom is one of the nicest guys in the business. She said that he is a fucking nice guy and Kate is a super nice girl. Jenny said that she never went into that Scientology thing though. Howard said he'd love to know what went on with Jenny and Jim. He said he would love to find out. He said it must have been something really wacky.
Jenny said she and Mary McCormack have become really close. She said she actually made out with her one night. Howard said he believes that. Jenny said she doesn't remember where that happened. She said Mary is one of the nicest and coolest people. She said that she is such a granola hippie loving spirit. Jenny said she sat next to her at a function they were at and they hit it off immediately. She said they've been friends for like 3 years now. Howard said Mary didn't tell him that.
Howard said he's glad that she's back on the show. He said if she gets involved with another high profile celebrity then she can dump them again. Jenny said that she needs a great lead in so she hopes that his show pulls in the audience. Howard gave her a plug for her new show and told her not to dump him again.
Howard asked how long she took to let Jim into her pants. She said she's usually about a two week person. She said that's about how long it was. Howard said Jenny started doing a Jim Carrey impression when she'd be on shows when she was with him. He told her to watch some of her old interviews to see. Jenny said that when you're with someone you do take on some of their mannerisms. Howard said he's glad she's back with him. He said it's about time. He said he wishes he was able to see her making out with Mary McCormack.
Howard gave Jenny another plug and said her show premieres tomorrow night after his show. Howard said she'll be on at 9. Howard said he's not sure what the right plug is. Jenny said the show is 2 hours so it must be on after. Gary said he just checked and it's on from 9-11pm.
Gary said that JD was telling him that this was the greatest interview ever. He said JD wanted him to get a banana in there for her to talk about the BJ thing. JD said she's like the hottest chick ever. He said he wanted to know more about the oral stuff. Jenny said she'll give Beth some lessons. Howard said Beth does just fine. JD told Jenny he loves her as he was walking out. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about how great that song is. Howard let it play a bit. Howard said Joe Walsh looks good too. Howard had him come in. Joe came in and Robin said he does look good.
Howard said Joe looks like a different man than he did back in the day. Joe said he is a different man. He said he didn't stay up all night. Howard said he never knew the Joe he was going to get back then. Howard asked if he was drinking or doing coke and other stuff. Joe said he did whatever Howard had.
Howard asked Joe if he ever figured out what was making him do the things that he was doing. Joe said he was an alcoholic. Howard said there must be some reason he was an alcoholic. Joe said that it was probably hereditary. Joe said he wrote some songs that were pretty good, when he was high. He said that James Gang Rides Again came out and did really well and he was high when he wrote it. He said everyone was high. He said when something didn't do good he figured he wasn't high enough.
Howard said Joe seems like a happy go lucky kind of guy but he's really not. He said that success was so important that he had to do things the way he thought they'd work for him. He said that he thought the secret was being high. Howard said he was very hungry for success. Joe said it was subtle but that's what it was. Howard asked if he had a bad home life. Joe said that if you grow up in an alcoholic family then you may grow up to be an alcoholic. He said his family had picnics and everyone drank. He said all adults drank when he was growing up so he figured that was the norm.
Howard asked how hard it was to get sober. Joe said it was the hardest thing he ever did. Howard said he's very happy for him now. He said that he's glad that he's still alive. Joe and Howard talked about some of the great guys they've lost.
Howard said he thinks that Joe is one of the greatest guitar players. He asked Joe if he thinks that when it comes to the rock and roll intelligencia that he gets criticized because of his past behavior. Joe said he's not really concerned with that. Howard said he must care about his place in history. Joe said he does but he's not done yet. Howard said when he sees the top 10 list in Rolling Stone and he doesn't see Joe in there, he wonders why.
Howard asked Joe if he practices guitar every day. Joe said he tries to play every day. He said he will sit down and ask someone how to play something he doesn't know how to play. He said he'll sit down with Brad Paisley and ask how he did something. He said it might save him 5 or 6 hours to just ask how to do it.
Robin asked Joe who his heroes are. Howard said that's a great question. Joe said the hero to many is Les Paul. Howard said Joe must have liked him because of what he brought to them. Howard said Joe seems to be against technology because his alum is called ''Analog Man.'' Joe said he doesn't hate it. Howard said he heard that he doesn't like that the guys in the Eagles use Pro Tools and things like that. Joe said it makes it easier but longer. Joe said you can fix anything and that's bad. He said you lose something when you fix things. He said that if they had Pro Tools when they did Hotel California then they'd still be working on the song. Howard said there are mistakes in the song and you can fix them with the Pro Tools. Joe said they don't need to fix everything.
Howard asked Joe if he can tell the guys to stop when it comes to that stuff. Joe said he wouldn't single out the Eagles. He said everybody does it. He said it's the hazard of digital technology. He said the temptation is to start with a drum machine. He said that you put that down and then build up the track with virtual instruments like a kit. He said in the old days you mic'd them and you pushed record. He said that way you got a performance. Howard said that's the magic of being in a studio with the guys.
Howard asked if they did the last album like that. Joe said there is a temptation to do it that way. He said he just goes with the flow. He said they do it various ways depending on what they're trying to accomplish. Howard asked if it's a liberating experience to do it his own way. Joe said it is but everyone is out doing their own thing. Joe said he did get to do his album his own way but there is no bitterness there.
Howard said Joe used to come in with an entourage who could drink him under the table. He asked if he's done with them. Joe said that Rick the Bass Player is playing with Neil Young now. He said you have to change your friends or you get sucked back in. Robin said that they felt that they were like those friends when he didn't come see them. Joe said someone stole his identity.
Howard said Joe has been married for 3 years to Ringo Starr's sister-in-law. Joe said no but then said yes. Howard asked who she is. Joe said his wife is the little sister of Ringo's wife. Joe said that she is the part of him that was missing. Howard said women used to use him and he used them. Joe said that they tell you not to have any relationships when you're trying to get sober. He didn't do that. He had some women and that gave him a reason to drink.
Howard asked Joe if he went back to the women he was with and apologized. Joe said he made amends with many. He said he would call his ex-wives and people like that and apologize. Howard asked if nay of them told him to go fuck himself. Joe said he got both. He said some said they were glad he was sober and some said ''up yours.'' Joe said that he is better for it so that's the important thing. Joe said you have to look these people in the eye and tell them that he was a bad person to them. He said that he regrets it and he was sorry. He said it's heavy but it's part of recovery. Joe said even now people go back to the past and dig around for something to be mad about. He said you attach an emotion to it and then you're in a bad mood. He said if you clear it out by making amends then you stand a chance. Howard said that isn't an easy assignment.
Robin asked if Joe is going to have more kids. Joe said he has a lot already. Howard said he saw his daughter Lucy wants to make it in the music business. Joe said she's trying to get into acting too. Howard said he saw him on that TV show with her. Howard said he enjoyed that show.
Howard said Joe sees these judging shows and he knows what that's like. Howard said he's on one of those shows now. Joe said he saw that and he asked how he's doing. Howard said he has to tell some of these people that they have to spend more time playing to get good. He said they don't know how hard it is for some of these people. He said it takes many years go get there. Joe said it can take 10,000 hours.
Howard said he learned that one of Joe's romances was Stevie Nicks. Howard said she says that he was the love of her life and still is. Joe said she's special. Howard said she was really in love. Howard said she's one of the best song writers ever. Joe hesitated and said ''Yeah...'' Howard asked if he thinks that Jimi Hendrix was a great song writer. Joe said he was but he's not sure that you can say ''one of the best ever.'' He said Stevie is very high on the list though. Howard asked if he wrote with Stevie. Joe said that she helped out on The Confessor album. He said she's really good at the craft of song writing.
Joe said he has a bit of the ADD and he can't concentrate. He said they didn't diagnose that back in the 50s. Back then he was just ''difficult.'' Howard told him he should read this book ''Get Things Done'' that he's reading now.
Howard asked Joe how he gets the songs out of his head and on paper. Joe said that you can carry around a recorder. Howard said it must drive him nuts to worry about forgetting it. Joe said when he was wasted he would write a song down but in the morning it wouldn't make sense. Howard asked if he hears a song lyrically or musically first. Joe said you hear the music first. He said it's kind of a symmetry at first. Howard asked if he walks to a tape recorder and just makes the sounds he's hearing. Joe said he has a place in his head with different drawers. Robin said that you have to think about it not being something you've heard already. Joe said that can happen. He said once in a while you get a nibble.
Howard asked Joe if he ever played with Hendrix. Joe said he did. He said he played in Youngstown, Ohio and Hendrix was on the bill with the James Gang. He said Sly and the Family Stone were on the bill too. Howard said Sly didn't make it out like Joe did. Howard asked if he thinks about how he could have really fucked up. Joe said he does think about that often.
Howard asked Joe about playing with Hendrix. Joe said they were in a back stage area and Jimi was there. He said they finished up and Jimi was playing with his guitar and they had a bit of a jam session. He said they showed each other their guitars. Howard asked if he was intimidated by his talent. Joe said Jimi was intimidating himself. Joe said that Jimi was left handed and he did everything backwards. He said that none of the right handed guitar players could do what he was doing. He said he was playing the guitar upside down. He said that's why he had that sound and no one could crack the code. Joe said that Jimi was really nice and just a good guy. Howard said he was remembered for his music but also the other crazy stuff he did. He said that kind of takes away from his legend. Joe said that's the way it was back then. He said you can't get away with stuff now that you could back then.
Robin asked Joe where he thinks Rock and Roll is going. Joe said that's a good one. Howard asked if Rock is dead. Joe said he thinks it is pretty much. Howard said there aren't many rock stations now. Howard said rock is going to be like jazz. Joe said it's dead but it's not dead. He said it's not number one, country is number one. Howard said he doesn't get it. Joe said that's what Analog Man is all about. He said it's about this virtual world that's an illusion. Joe said that people sit in chairs for hours waiting for your mind to come back. Joe said he likes ''side B'' and cart machines. He said it's different for guys like him. Joe said that digital technology ate the record business and the radio business. He said it ate intellectual property too.
Howard asked Joe what his game plan is. Joe said he doesn't even know. Joe said the deal now is to do the social network thing. He said you have to get visible. Joe said you have to make people aware that you have an album out and then they'll find it. Howard said Paul McCartney came out with an album and no one gave a shit. Howard said that's Paul McCartney. Howard said there's nowhere to go now. He said that Joe has an audience and he can get an audience but trying to get new music recognized, that's difficult. Joe said that 50,000 copies is like Platinum now.
Howard asked Joe how many albums he's sold. Joe said he doesn't know. He said he lost count after about 85,000. He said he was counting them on his fingers. Howard said he must have some idea of what he sold. Joe said he's not in the same league as Jeff Lynn. He said if you count the Eagles then it's something. Howard said the Eagles Greatest Hits is like the best selling album ever. Joe said they go back and forth with Michael Jackson.
Howard asked Joe what his favorite song ever is. Joe said he'd probably say ''Rocky Mountain Way'' but he also co-wrote ''Life's Been Good So Far'' and that's a great one too. Howard asked if he hears Rocky Mountain Way on the radio and stops to listen to how great it is. Joe said that the best part is that there's no way to do that song on Pro Tools.
Howard asked Joe about quitting the band and what he told the guys. Joe said he had to go out and do his own thing. He said he had an album done and that was the Barnstorming album. He said that he was out mowing the lawn when he got the idea for ''Rocky Mountain Way.'' He said he didn't have any words at the time. He said he saw the Rocky Mountains with snow on the tops in the middle of summer and he thought it was beautiful. Joe said that's when he came up with the lyrics. Joe gave them a blow by blow of how the lyrics came to him while he was out there mowing. Howard and Robin thought that was a great story. Howard said it gave him the chills.
Howard asked Joe about this neighbor he had that pissed him off. Joe said this guy would go out and buy property and build houses on the property. He said this guy had friends at city hall and he was building on lots that shouldn't be built on. He said the guy got upset when he didn't help him out with this one property.
Howard said that Joe is going to be out playing at a J&R music in Manhattan. Joe said that they can only have 100 people in there. Howard said that it's got to be great to see him play. Howard said Joe makes faces when he plays and he really gets into it. Joe said he does.
Howard said when he sees Joe play he is the only one who seems to like to move during the show. Joe said his uncle came to a show and hit on Linda Ronstadt and then he asked him why he has to make all of those god damned faces.
Howard asked Joe more about Stevie Nicks and if she wrote any songs about him. Joe was trying to think about a song but he didn't remember the name of it. Joe said the song starts out ''Has anyone ever written a song about you...'' Howard thought he was asking if anyone had written a song about him. Howard said Joe should write one about him. He said Leslie West wants to write one about him. Joe said Leslie should be on one of those Rolling Stone lists. He asked why he's not on the list.
Howard asked Joe if he's doing the Ringo thing and not signing things. Joe said he signs Ringo's name for him. Howard asked if he gets along with Ringo. Joe said he does and he's great. He said that he's very down to earth and he's got very positive energy. Joe said his wife's family is big and very close. He said that's helped open him up and that's given him confidence. Howard said he's glad he's stopped drinking and that he's healthy. Joe said that things are good and Ringo has helped him out too.
Howard said he got to know Paul McCartney a little bit. He said that guy is something else. He said that he heard a song of Paul's and it was ''Oo You'' and you hear Paul tell the engineer to ''turn it up'' and that became part of the song. He said that's analog to him.
Howard played a track off of Joe's new album. Howard interrupted the song and asked a question about it. Joe said he could explain it or he could listen to the song. He explains it in the song.
Gary came in and told Howard that he found the song that Stevie wrote about Joe. Howard read the lyrics and she says she'd rather be alone than be without him. Howard said he must have banged her silly. Howard asked if he was in love with her. Joe said ''as a sister.'' Joe said she's like a soul mate. Howard asked if he still talks to her. Joe said he does once in a while he does. Howard said she was really hot in the 70s. Joe said they were seeking refuge with each other. He said they were both lonely. He said that he never thought about marrying her though. Joe said that the thing that made it all possible was that they were touring with each other. He said that they spent a lot of time together. He said when they stopped touring they had to break up. He said they just had to. Robin asked if he thinks that he could have been with someone so powerful like Stevie. Joe said he doesn't think that he could have.
Howard asked Joe if he's surprised that Steven Tyler is on American Idol. Joe said that he's not sure why he's doing it. Howard said he heard it was for the money. Howard said he heard that Joe is worth about $164 million. Joe said he lost pretty much all of his money when he went into recovery. He said in 1994 the Eagles decided to go back to work. He said they said they couldn't do it without him and they needed him to be sober to do it. He said they were real brothers when they did that. He said he was broke back then and he isn't worth $164 million. Joe said he's not upset about the money but he's upset that he lost about 12 years of his life. He said he wishes he had those 12 years back. Joe said he's still alive and he's there though.
Howard gave Joe another plug and Joe said it was great to be on his show. Howard said Joe will be doing his J&R appearance on Friday at noon. Joe told Robin he hopes she's feeling better. Howard thanked Joe for coming in and told him to come back with an album with nothing but songs about him. Joe said he's going to call Leslie and write a song about Howard. Howard thanked him again and went to break.
Howard came back and said when Joe told him the story about writing that song, it gave him the chills. Howard said he has to try mowing his lawn. Howard said he'll do that and something will hit him. Robin said you never know when something will come to you. Fred said it was a thrill to hear that story. He said he had never heard that before.
Howard said he thought the song was just a nonsensical thing. Howard said that's a genius right there. Howard said that little glitch in the song sounds like a mistake. Fred said that's one reason he likes that song. He said that's a beautiful thing when you leave something like that in there.
Howard said he played a song recently by this guy YoungRealNigga. He sang about how real niggas don't care about a woman's period. Howard played some of the song to remind everyone. Howard said the boys went to Harlem and asked black guys if they care about a period. Howard played that clip and Sal and Richard asked guys if they were into it. A bunch of guys said that was disgusting and that shit is no good. Howard said they got a violent response. One guy said he has enough blood in his body already and that was filthy and disgusting.
Howard said Sal is a weirdo. He said that Howard TV went and taped him getting his teeth done. Howard said he hopes he doesn't get them as white as they looked. Howard said he heard Sal talking about buying his wife $800 shoes and things like that. Robin said they don't know what to do with money.
Howard played the clip of Sal talking about how it was his idea to buy the shoes. Sal said that even his wife said she shouldn't have them. Howard said the retard went and bought them anyway. Gary asked why he didn't pick $300 shoes instead. Sal said there are none that price on that site.
Sal came in and Howard asked to see his new teeth. Howard was laughing already. He said it's a good thing he's wearing sunglasses. Howard said Robin has to see this. Howard laughed. Robin said she could see them. Howard said Sal went too white. Sal said he can take them down a shade. Sal said the guy did a good job. Howard said they're fine.
Howard said he saw Sal on camera and he really is carried away. He said he was hitting on the pretty nurse at the dentist. Howard said Sal can't even calm down for a minute. He said Sal was talking about how pretty and beautiful she is. Howard said they had video of him playing in there. Howard said Sal brought up the N-word with the dentist. Sal said the guy gave him headphones to listen to during his procedure and he was singing the song that was playing. Howard said Sal is really out of it. Sal said he's not as out of it as Jackie the Joke Man. Howard said he was at Comic-Con in Philly and he was all alone there. Howard said he got a few pictures of Jackie there all alone.
Gary said they sent Wolfie out there to interview Jackie. they asked him the same kind of questions Jackie used to write for them to ask people. Howard asked where the clip was. Gary told him where it was. Howard was going to get to that but he talked to Sal about the use of the N-word. He said Sal is so douchy. He said it's no wonder his wife hates him. Sal said they're getting along right now. Sal also said that he didn't do all of his teeth. He said he's just doing the top and he paid it all off up front. He said he'll be fine. Howard told Sal he can get out now. He told him to go make some phony phone calls.
Sal told Howard he got pulled over on his way home from the shore recently. He said he gave him all of his information and then the cop asked if he was the Sal Governale from the Stern show. He let him out of the ticket when he found out he was from the show. Sal said the guy told him he's lucky he loves AGT.
Howard played audio of Wolfie asking Jackie questions about being there at Comic-Con all alone. Jackie said he loves it there. Wolfie asked whose career he's most jealous of there at Comic-Con. Jackie said he loves what he does. Howard said he loves a nice, empty booth. Wolfie asked what he charges for his photos. Jackie said they make you charge $20. Jackie said that he has to charge because that's the rules.
Howard goofed on Jackie about the whole thing and goofed on him after Jackie was talking about how great his life is. Gary said Jackie came close to saying ''It's not fun, it's not funny...''
Howard said JD had four sold out shows in Toronto and Jackie was at Comic-Con with no one around him. Howard said he's tried to explain that to Jackie many times and he still doesn't get it. Howard said the show is still going... much to his chagrin.
Jon came in and told Howard that the show is on Destination American which used to be Planet Green. Howard said the show looks good from what he saw. Jon said he hasn't gotten the ratings news yet. Howard said the preview he saw had Jon at KFC. Jon said he loves that place and he was thrilled to see where it all came from. Howard asked what rating would be a successful rating. He figured it would be anything over 2. Jon said the network just started last week. He said there is nowhere to go but up. Jon said they have a lot of Planet Green programming until they get the original stuff going. He said the other show is Barbecue Pit Masters. Jon said he got killed on Twitter last night. He said people told him that he had a face for radio. Howard said what he saw looked very good.
Jon did a quick Wrap Up Show Preview. He ran down the list of subjects for today's show. Howard did a live commercial and went to break after that.
Robin read a story about Clint Eastwood's daughter doing a reality show. Robin said that Clint may be in and out of it as they're filming. She said she's not sure what the motivation is to do the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they can see what Robin is doing at home. Howard said she doesn't have a camera on her. The caller asked if she could rub something on her breasts. Howard said he could have her do that. Howard rubbed something on his microphone instead. The caller asked if he could play a game today. Howard said he doesn't have one to play and they have to get to news. Howard let him go after that.
Robin read about Drew Barrymore getting married for the third time. Robin read some of the names of people who were there. Jimmy Fallon and Cameron Diaz were there.
Robin said that Kelsey Grammer got married for the fifth time. Robin said that he married someone twice.
Robin said that Richard Dawson died over the weekend too. Howard said he thought he was dead for years. Howard said Richard was on Hogan's Heroes and then he got on Family Feud. Howard said he always kissed the women on the show and he found it disgusting. He said it took away from the game and it was a lot of nonsense. Howard said he would talk to the family and interview them. Howard said Richard claimed that he kissed every woman on the show no matter how fugly they were. Howard said the guy married one of the contestants that he kissed on the show. Howard said it was just so disgusting. Howard said he liked the game and he just wanted him to get to the game. Robin had a clip from Family Feud that she had Howard play. Howard got pissed when he heard the guy unable to read the question. Howard said if you're the host of a game show you should read the questions ahead of time. Howard said that's what he would do if he had a game show. Howard said that's his goal to have a game show some day. Robin said that Richard hosted Family Feud for 6 years. Howard was surprised that's all it was. He thought it was more. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Catherine Joosten from Desperate Housewives who just died from cancer. She had a storyline in the show that had her with cancer as well. Robin said she died 3 weeks after the end of the show.
Robin read about the new Miss USA that was crowned last night. Robin had some audio from the show. The winner was talking about Transgender contestants in the clip. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read about John Edwards being found not guilty of all of the charges he was brought up on. Howard said he knew that's what would happen. Howard said he knew they didn't have enough to get him on. Robin had some audio of John Edwards talking about how he's glad this country has the system it has. Howard said it's great when it works for you. Robin said that Edwards also says that God has more plans for him. She had audio of that as well. Howard said that the guy cheated on his wife. Robin said the guy's daughter had to hear all of this stuff in the trial. She stuck aroudn for all of the testimony. Howard said that guys will cheat on you even when you're dying. Howard said they feel that it's a free pass to go fuck a little bit.
Robin read a story about an 11 year old kid who skipped school to meet President Obama. The kid ended up getting an excuse note written by President Obama. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Howard said he's on AGT tonight. He said he thinks that they're in Austin, Texas tonight. He said they showed him kissing his wife on AGT the other night. He said that was very sweet. Robin said she must have missed that.
Ralph called in and said that Miss USA pageant was fantastic. He said they get girls in bikinis within 15 minutes. He said they zoom right in on their ass too. Ralph said it was fantastic. Howard said that's why it's the only pageant that's still around.
Howard said they have to talk about Martin Short and Kathie Lee. He said Martin Short was a guest on her show and Kathie Lee asked Martin about his marriage and Martin didn't tell her that his wife had been dead for 2 years. Howard said people were shocked that Kathie Lee did that. Howard said sometimes he doesn't know something like that. Howard said it's perfectly reasonable to expect the guy to say that his wife died. Howard said you're not going to know everything about it. Howard said he thought Martin Short's reaction was weird, not Kathie Lee's question. Howard said he's not sure why Martin Short didn't just tell Kathie Lee that his wife was dead when she questioned him about it. Howard said that's what he would have done. Ralph said they get people on and off in like 2 minutes. Howard said he spent some time talking to Martin Short at a party and he talked about his wife but he had forgotten about it when this clip came out.
Howard got the Kathie Lee clip and Martin Short played along with the question and said that he's still in love and he and his wife still make each other laugh. Howard said he's not sure why he didn't just tell her that she was dead. Robin said Kathie Lee is pretending that she knows Martin and his wife and making it seem like she hangs out with them. Howard said maybe that's the rub. Howard said that Kathie Lee had to apologize to Short but Short should have been apologizing to her. Howard played another clip where Kathie Lee apologized for what happened. Howard said Kathie Lee should stick to that and do it with every guest who has a dead wife. Howard said he's shocked by the whole thing and he's not sure why it's so weird. Robin said it's the pretending that you know someone in show business that's weird.
Ralph said he's glad he made up with Kathie Lee. Howard said he didn't even know why he was angry with her. He said she didn't do anything to him. He said he knows why he's angry with Jay Leno. Ralph said she never even said anything about him. Howard said she only said nice things about him. Howard called himself a lunatic.
Howard said he spent the whole day with Ralph yesterday. He said they cleaned his closet out the whole day. Howard said he has all of these clothes that he holds on to. Howard said he will give away some stuff and give some to family. Howard said they give to the homeless and things like that too. He said he has to give to homeless shelters that have 6'5'' tall homeless guys.
Robin got back to her news and read about this George Zimmerman guy who got out on bond but he had that revoked when he lied about some money he had. Robin had some audio of his attorney talking about what's going on there.
Robin read about Tiger Woods coming from behind to win a tournament over the weekend. Robin read the details of that and had some audio of Tiger talking about the win.
Robin read about musician Doc Watson dying. Robin had some details about that. She said he died at the age of 89 last week.
Robin read a story about Steve Jobs and how he had big plans for TV. Robin said they say that Steve thought that Apple TV would change the way people watch TV over the next 5 years. Robin had some audio of someone predicting that the new TVs will be revealed later this year.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she has to disagree about the Kathie Lee thing. She said that she knew everything about Madagascar but didn't know about his wife. Howard asked how many people know that his wife died. Mariann was arguing that she should have known. Howard said maybe the guy who made the notes didn't put it in there. Mariann told Howard not to be fooled by her. Howard said that he's being sincere. He said he doesn't understand the fuss. He said he thinks that Martin Short should have told her that his wife died. Mariann said that she thinks that he was in shock. Howard said they should fire the researcher. Gary said that Howard is just assuming that she had notes about it. Howard said even if she screwed up and didn't know, why didn't Martin just tell her. Gary said he may have been caught off guard. Gary said he thinks that it would have been very uncomfortable.
Robin said that Bill Maher has bought into the Mets. Howard said that sounds like a shitty deal. He said you have no say over the team or your money. He said you have to give your money and leave it up to the family that fucked it all up to begin with. Gary said he gets to brag. Gary said that baseball teams almost never go down in value so he should be okay in a few years. Howard said Gary was Tweeting about how excited he was about the no hitter over the weekend. Gary said he only tweeted once and then he responded to people. Gary said that they were saying it wasn't a real no-hitter because of one of the ref's calls. Gary said he was just defending the team. He said he has the same mental investment in the team that Bill Maher has.
Robin read about the box office takes for the weekend. Robin said that Snow White and The Huntsman did very well and so did The Avengers. Howard said that Kristen Stewart is in that Snow White movie. He said she's like the most important woman in show business. Robin said she has had a couple of duds. Robin read about some of the other movies and how The Avengers is the third highest grossing movie of all time. Howard said he loved the effects in The Avengers. He said they were amazing and seamless. He said he was proud of the Hulk for being nude when he went back to being Dr. Banner. Howard said he has to applaud that.
Robin said The Avengers is right behind Avatar and Titanic for the biggest money making movie of all time. Robin said that she thinks the Hulk was the best part of that movie and they should make one about just him. Howard said Mark Ruffalo did a great job in the movie. They wrapped up and ended the show aroudn 10:25am.
Jon said that JD is her biggest fan as of today. JD said that she was great when she said she loves choking on cock. JD said that's like magic to a guy's ears. Jon asked whey he said he loves Benjy. JD said he was trying to say Jenny. JD said he just had to get out of there and he was trying to say Jenny. Jon said he's never seen him react quite like that. JD said that she's a beautiful woman and many of them want to hide the dirty side. He said they don't want to vocalize it. He said that she was up front with the sex stuff and how she loves being a dirty girl. Jon said he loved the way she talked. JD said of course he did.
Gary said he thinks that Jenny and Howard could still have something if they wanted to. Gary said he thinks that Howard would still want to be with Jillian Barberie and Jenny if he had the chance. Jon asked who would be better in bed. JD said that it would be a competition to watch. Gary said he thinks that they're both wild and it would be close.
Jon asked Gary about the goofy look he gave to Howard this morning. Gary said he did but Howard was really grumpy this morning. He said that Howard was worked up about Tim and then it took off from there. He was also on that Get Things Done book and ''GTG.'' Gary said he ordered the book to find out what it is that Howard wants him to get done aroudn there. Jon said they had to go to break after that.
Jon said he was on Tweeting about his new TV show last night so he knows that he can send out a lot of tweets. He said he would probably do something like Gary did if he was into a team like that. Gary said he doesn't tweet that much so he's not sure why people get so upset. Gary said he was being kind of a dick to some people since they were being dicky to him.
Benjy said he unfollowed Gary and he's pushing for him to be unverified. Gary said that Will was one of the guys telling him that it was a one hitter.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that interview was pretty awesome and so was Joe Walsh. Gary said Jenny was great. He said that he's never seen a celebrity that big come on and be that open. Jon said she was a good interview.
Jon noticed that Sal was in there and trying to cover up his teeth. Sal said he was hiding them from Gary. He said he didn't want him to see. Gary said he looks like Ross from Friends. Sal thought he was going to say Ross Zapin and he told Ross that he wasn't the one who was starting it. The guys let him bury himself for a few seconds before letting him in on the screw up.
Sal told the guys that he had a lot of pain with the teeth and he was trying to break the ice with the N-word reference.
Jon asked what he paid for the teeth. Sal said he paid $6,000. He said that they offered to do some of the work for free and he took that and just had to pay for some of the stuff they couldn't give away for free. Gary said the rumor is that he had to get that Page Six story out there and that's what led to it being free. Sal said he didn't release that story. He said that he thinks maybe someone there from the dentist let the story out. He said they gave him a break. Gary said they gave it to him for free except for what it cost them. Sal said that's right. Gary asked if he has a problem with that himself. Sal said that he's still 6 grand in the hole for something. He said that the dentist seems to be pleased and he's happy too.
Jon asked Sal about getting out of the speeding ticket. Sal said he was on his way back from Long Beach and he was doing 51 in a 35 zone. He said he got out of the ticket because of thee show. Gary said his son tells his friends everyday that his dad works with a guy who can't find California on a map. He said he does that every day. Jon went to break after that.
Jon asked Gary if he knew the Rocky Mountain Way story. Gary said he had never heard that before. He didn't know how deep of a meaning the lyrics had.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Gary's pitch and the Mets no hitter. The caller got back to Joe and talked about how great the interview was. He said that Howard leaves you wanting more with some guests and that's what Joe's interview was like.
Sal said he's a long time fan and he thought the stories he told were great. He said he's such a great entertainer and it's good that he's still doing well.
Jon took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who went off on Jenny McCarthy about not coming on the show when she was with Jim Carrey. She said that they shouldn't have booked her for the show. She said that they were drooling all over her and that's not right. She also mentioned that Beth O is going to be on The View today. Mariann said she hopes that Jenny's show fails. She thought that they booked her because she's on NBC. Gary told Mariann that he didn't book her because she's on NBC. He said they had some interesting things to talk to her about.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think it's appropriate for Jenny to talk about that stuff when her kid will hear the show some day. Benjy jokingly said that the kid won't understand it anyway.
Jon asked Sal if he thinks about things like that. Sal said he does. They goofed on him for a minute about that and how his kids are going to ask why he was kissing Uncle Richard's taint some day. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking to Robin who was still broadcasting from home via ISDN. Howard asked how everyone was doing but told Fred he wasn't talking to him. Fred was over there laughing. Howard said Fred is doing another show in his head.
Howard said Joan Rivers will be stopping by the show today. He said he heard she's 79 years old. Howard said she's still very active and on her jokes. Howard said he can't imagine that he'll be in touch in any way at that age. Howard said he won't give a fuck at 79. Howard said they'll ask if he wants to do a show and he's pretty sure he'll say no.
Howard said Robin will still be around. Robin said she's not sure about that. She said she's wondering how long you can live and still feel good. She said you wonder when you'll stop feeling good. Howard said he doesn't like thinking about that. He said it's hard to concentrate when he has to go through everything and figure out who gets what. Robin said it is the most disgusting thought process.
Fred said he's just going to leave everything to his daughter. He laughed so Howard asked if he's faking that laugh. Fred said he doesn't fake his laugh.
Howard said he has a bunch of tape he has to clear out. He said he has a computer screen full of stuff. He said he has like 50,000 things on the screen. Howard said he has Richard's Dad clips and Shuli's mom called and talked about AGT. He said he has new phony phone calls and stuff and now when he goes to move something over he's out of room. Howard said he had a clip of George Takei saying ''Uacamole'' without the G. Howard said he said ''a'ua'' for ''aqua.'' Howard played those clips and then played Eli Braden's song parody featuring those clips. Howard got a laugh out of that. Robin said that was beautiful.
Howard said Robin is doing the show from home. He said she has her procedure done. Robin said she has to talk about that. She said it's very weird. Howard said he tried to talk to her about it a couple of times and they'd get distracted. Howard said he wanted to talk to her after the show and he got busy with Baba Booey and everybody. Howard asked Robin if she wants to talk about it off the air or on. Robin said she'd like to do it off the air at first and then on the air. Howard said he's not sure what to say to her. Robin said he can be a sounding board. Howard said they should talk about it off the air. Howard said maybe he can do that now.
Howard said he's assumed that everyone is an idiot and they don't know what they're doing. He said he's never operated like this.
Howard asked Gary what he thought about how the edited the shows. Gary said he was there for all four shows and they were all 4 hours long. He said he thought they did a good job editing it. Howard said they do tape a lot of stuff out there. He said he was out there for four days and they edit it down to a couple of hours. Howard said he knows there's a lot of stuff that will be on tonight's show... He assumes. Howard said they might be cutting out a lot of stuff that he says.
Howard said last night's show was very good and everyone was jacked about that soldier who came back from Afghanistan and sang. Howard said he thought he was good and the guys from Iran who did the balancing were great. Howard said that's really impressive to him. Howard said he tested their loyalty to the United States that day. He said he had a feeling they'd cut that stuff out because it would have been self indulgent. Howard said they had a lot of good acts down there in Austin.
Howard said that 10 year old kid who did the Mariachi thing was really impressive in person. He said he's not sure how it came off on TV. Howard said people asked about the guy being shot out of the cannon and it was really impressive too. Howard said they shot the guy out of it and that net really isn't very big. He said the guy didn't appear to be able to control his flying very well. He said that it doesn't mean he's going to hit that net the right way. Howard said it's kind of like Evel Knievel. Howard said the guy is a strong act.
Gary said just because you show up with a cannon doesn't mean you can do the act and that it's going to do well. Howard said that there are a lot of people who can't do their act and it's possible that it's going to fail. Howard said that guy with the cannon definitely has an act. Howard said that day it was raining out and it was really wet. He said you see the guy climbing on the cannon and it was wet. He said that was impressive by itself. Howard said it will be interesting to see if America gets it when they start voting. Howard said they had that guy who moulds sand and that was so impressive too. He said it was incredible. Gary said that guy was impressive in person. He said that he's not sure how it came across on TV. Howard said Beth had her head down during the show and she didn't see what he was doing. She thought he was singing. Robin asked how that translates into a Vegas act. Howard said he has a lot of times to go yet. Howard said he does the music and there's a whole story that unfolds. He said he's not sure what it would include in a full show.
Howard said that Mariachi kid was really good. He said he's not sure how well it came across on TV. Howard said he was up late and tweeting about the show. He said he really had to go to bed. Howard said he has to watch the show but he goes nuts when he sees the stuff they take out. Gary asked if he thinks that Howie and Sharon watch the same way. Howard said he thinks that Howie does but Sharon told him that she never watches herself on TV. Howard said he thinks that's bullshit. He said she has to be watching. Howard said he told her he didn't believe her.
Howard said they tape all of these conversations and it would be funny to see him telling her that it's bullshit she doesn't watch herself.
Howard said it's something else to watch. He said he obsesses over the stuff they cut out. Robin said she has a new perspective for what these shows are all about.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked about the overweight pole dancer. Howard said he thinks that he was pretty rough on her. Howard said they must have cut out a lot of what he said to her. Howard said when they do the tapings they will have a discussion and he'll do about a 10-15 minute interrogation. Robin said there was one woman in New York who did something and Howard told her to put her clothes back on. Howard said they never use that stuff but it's funny. Howard said if they want to edit most of that stuff out that's fine. They're still paying him.
The caller said her boyfriend was watching with her and he said that this can't be the same Howard Stern she's been talking about all these years. Howard said the show is about the talent so they have that weird position where people get vested in the talent. Howard said he's not sure how they make the decisions they make but it has to be tough to get all of that stuff packed into an hour.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that whole soldier thing was very moving and it shows what the show is all about. He said the guy was phenomenal. Howard said that's what the show is all about. They're trying to give the guy a shot at making a career out of his talent. Howard said people are saying that the show is so much better with him on it now too. Howard said he loves that most of the acts aren't singers. He said they did see a lot but they're not making the show about singers. Howard said the show is way fun and more fun than any other type of show like that on the air.
The caller said his wife doesn't like Howard so Howard told him to divorce her. The caller said she's a good woman. He told Howard that she has come around and she likes him on AGT.
Howard said now that he's on AGT they get a lot of phone calls. He said the National Enquirer was going to run a story about how he and Nick hate each other and they wanted a comment from him. Howard said that it's just not true. He said they're going to run the story anyway but the truth is that he and Nick get along great. He said he'd tell the truth if they weren't getting along. Howard said he's not fighting with Howie at all either. Robin said that's another story that the were running with.
The caller said that he likes that Nick calms the contestants down before they go on stage. Howard said Nick knows what to say to people. He said he's not a phony bullshit artist. He doesn't sugar coat them. He said he's just really good at what he does.
Robin asked where these stories come from. Howard said he's not sure. He said that Nick has a whole entourage that comes with him and Sharon has her dressing room full of people. Howard said he keeps all of his people out of his dressing room and in the hall.
The caller said that Ronnie always looks like a bad ass. Howard said Ronnie has always had that look and he's told him that over the years. Ronnie will tell him that he's not scowling but he is. He doesn't know himself. Howard said Beth asked him to drive somewhere and he gave that look. Beth got out of the car and started walking. Howard said that he pays him to drive her so he has to do that. Ronnie came in and said Beth never got out of the car.
Howard said Ronnie had the last shot of the evening last night. Howard said Ronnie was security that weekend down there so that's why he wasn't driving him.
The caller reminded Howard about Ronnie's fuck up with the other security guy in the hall. Howard said that's right. He said he was so proud of him and then he fucked it all up.
Ronnie and Howard were talking to Robin and they'd look over at her booth and see nothing. Howard said they need to tape up a picture in the window or something.
Howard asked Ronnie if he watched AGT last night. Ronnie said he did. He said he likes that they do it in an hour. He said they leave you wanting more. The caller said that he's loving the show too and they're watching on Monday and Tuesday.
Robin said she's looking forward to the live show. Howard said he's not. He said he's going to be miserable doing it. Howard said he spent 3 hours getting his outfits ready yesterday. He said he has a plan for his look. He said that the show relies on him for glamour. Howard said he puts so much effort into how he's going to look. He said they all do that. Howard said it takes a village. Howard said that he sees himself on TV and he thinks he looks like a gargoyle.
Howard said his body is so weird that he needs fittings upon fittings. He said nothing off the rack fits. He said that they do the alterations and they have to fit them again. The caller asked what kind of glasses those are he wears. Howard said they may be Serengeti or something. Howard said he loves John Varvatos too. He said that John is a great guy and he's real down to earth.
Howard said that it was 5 o'clock last night and he was wondering how he's going to make it through the live shows. He said he was up since 3 in the morning yesterday. He said he doesn't know how he's going to do this. He said he's going to be a misery on that show. He said he'll be the worst judge on the planet. He said he's just going to tell people to get off the stage. Howard said he did that at some of the tapings. The caller told him he should wear his hoodie and just grunt like he said he did in the movie theater over vacation.
Howard said that he's buying all of his own clothes for the show. He said that he wanted to own all of his stuff. Howard said that they don't pay for that stuff at AGT. He said if they dressed him they'd pay for it.
The caller asked about the scarf he wears and if it's hot. Howard said it's really not. Howard said it can get hot at some places but he has to keep his clothes on. He said that they want the clothes to match for all of the acts. He said he was sopping wet at the Tampa tapings.
The caller asked how they control the audience at the tapings. Howard said that's something you don't see. He said that the live shows are going to be really crazy. He said that you feel like you're going to be swallowed up by the Walking Dead or something. Howard said he will shake hands and stuff and then just Purell them at his desk. Howard said he's not as bad as Howie is. Howard said Robin saw him getting Purell poured on him. He said he goes through and hugs people. He said that they only have an hour show to get all of that in so they don't show a lot of it.
Howard said he's had to cut down on what he's eating because of his weight gain. Howard said he has to watch his weight for the wardrobe. Howard said he has to eat like one spoon full of pasta and it's so hard. Howard said he doesn't want his belly sticking out of his shirt. He said he wants to look somewhat decent.
Howard said he was at the gym yesterday and now he can't move his neck. He said his whole head won't turn now. He said as long as he's thin he's fine. Howard said by the time the show hits he'll be fine though. Robin said that he shouldn't be so sore that he can't move. Howard said he's been eating so much less and he only lost one pound. He said he went from 200 to 199 pounds.
Howard said he got motivated when he saw Mick Jagger on SNL. He said that he's in his 70s and he looks pretty damn good. Robin said he always looks that way.
Howard said he hasn't taken a shit in 2 days because he's eating so much less. Howard said that interrupts his day so much. He said he holds it in like a little kid so he doesn't interrupt anything. Howard said he's obsessed with his email and he has to get it done because of this book he's reading. Howard said he tries to deny that he has to take a shit. Howard asked if everyone is like that or is he just fucking insane. The caller told him to bring his iPhone into the bathroom. Howard said he just wants to get in and out. He said he has to get the shit out of him but then it won't clip off right so he has to waddle over to get his baby wipes. He said he has his pants around his ankles and he has to shuffle over. Howard said he keeps the baby wipes in a hidden drawer. He said he has to waddle over and it's a long walk. Howard said he hopes this GTD book has wiping suggestions.
Howard said when he shits cleanly he only uses two wipes. He said if it doesn't clip cleanly then his baby wipe looks like a Rorschach test. He said that sometimes it takes 7 or 8 baby wipes. He said that it should take 2 or 3. Howard said he starts poking until it's clean. He said it can take minutes to get it done.
Howard said he will go back in for more excavating if he sees anything brown on the wipe. He said he figures he'll be itchy later if he leaves any behind. Then he'll ruin his underpants scratching. Howard said sometimes he'll pull out hairs wiping. He said they have caked on doody. Howard said those poor hairs must stink to high heaven. Howard said the hairs down there must say to the hair on his head that they're lucky. Robin said he needs a power washer down there. Howard said he has a toilet for that but it doesn't get all of the remnants out.
Howard said he turns on his sink to wash up and the water takes so long to get hot. He said it takes forever to get the water going. Robin said that the hot water comes in fast in some parts but not others. Howard said that's the way it is in his apartment.
Howard said he gets his hands washed and then he'll get back to his email. He said he'll smell his fingers and they'll smell like doody. He said he doesn't know how it's possible. Gary asked if they smell bad up close or from a distance. Howard said it's up close. Robin said it might be psychological. Howard said he was going to cologne his hands once. He said he has to wash up though. Howard said he scrubs and scrubs and then there's no doody smell. Gary said that's a lot of work. Howard said it really is. He said he's going to be exhausted from the AGT shows.
Howard said he's reading this book ''Getting Things Done'' and he's trying to get the work done but he can't get the email cleared.
Gary told Howard about this guy who has an instant hot water thing in his bathroom. He said that he never has to wait for hot water in his bathroom. Howard said he had some device put in but it doesn't seem to work. Howard said he doesn't want a foot pedal in there.
Gary told Howard who the foot pedal guy was and Howard knew the guy. Gary said he's the one who told Jimmy Kimmel about the Toto toilet. Howard said he got one of those and he doesn't use it. He said he was getting a rash on his ass from the water. Howard said he has to sit down and go through every piece of tape he has. He said he has to get to Joan Rivers first but then he'll clear out his computer. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about the great Joe Walsh who was in yesterday. Howard said he told that great story about how he wrote Rocky Mountain Way.
Howard said Joan Rivers is there. He had her come in to promote her new book ''I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me.'' He said she's doing a book signing there in the city tonight. Joan told Howard that she loves that show that he's doing now. Howard said he enjoys doing it. Joan said it looks that way.
Howard said he and Gary were talking about Joan behind her back. He said they've had so many comics on the show over the years and so many have disappeared with their careers. He said Joan is still relevant and funny and she has a real career. He said she's doing real shows and they're not mercy bookings. Joan said she kept looking for Robin and she wasn't there. Howard said that's why he wanted a picture of her posted in her booth.
Howard said he saw a Johnny Carson special with Joan in it. Joan said they cut out a part of her interview where she said that she called Johnny. They made it seem like she never called.
Howard asked if it's true that she's 79 years old. Joan said that it is true. She said everyone aroudn her is dropping dead.
Howard asked Joan about her book being banned in a store. Joan said she didn't want to say where it was but Howard guessed it was either Walmart or Costco. Joan let out a scream when he said Costco.
Howard read some quotes on the back of the book where they use the word shit and Joan said the people who banned the book are the same people who sell ammo to kids.
Howard said he was looking through Joan's book and there was one quote that he found outrageous. Howard said he has a lot of quotes. He said Joan talks about Glee and she says ''all the homo kids are smiling and giggly...'' Joan said that when she went to school most of the homo kids were hiding in their lockers. Howard said Joan is wondering what planet this is on. Howard said that they're trying to make it seem like gay kids are fun so maybe the other kids will accept them in real schools.
Howard asked Joan about what she wrote about Octomom being like a sausage maker. Howard said he spoke to her recently and she won't shut up. Robin said those poor kids have to live with her too.
Howard asked Joan if she can get into trouble talking about people the way she does. Joan said that she spoke to her lawyers and they say it's a comedy book so she can. Howard said Joan writes about Stedman being Oprah's beard. Howard read some of the quotes from the book and Joan went off on Oprah. Howard asked Joan if she's an angry woman. Joan said she is. Howard asked if her parents were good to her. Joan said that they were fine. She said that her mom did her best. She said that they didn't worry about what she did like she does with Melissa. Howard asked if Joan's sister is still around. Joan said she is. Howard asked if she's jealous that she's happy in her marriage. Joan said that the husband died. She said that the men are dropping like flies.
Howard asked Joan how long it took to write this book. Joan said she just sat down and wrote about the way she feels about people. Howard said she wrote about kids on planes. Joan said that she used to bring presents on the plane to keep Melissa quiet. Howard told her about telling a woman to get the fuck out of the theater the other day when this woman had a 5 year old there. Joan said she had to take her grandson out of Mary Poppins. Howard said he's worried about that kid.
Howard asked Joan about Lisa Lampanelli. Joan said that Lisa is fine but you can only do those jokes so many times. Howard said that some people think she's the new Joan Rivers. Joan said that she's not but she's very good on that level.
Joan, talking about herself, said that she's very unique and she is the best stand up alive today. She said that she is great and she gets out of her own way. Joan said that Lisa started in with her one time and she didn't even know who she was. Joan said that they wanted to use her on her comedy special and she had to keep asking who she was. Joan said that she's talking about fucking black guys all the time and she wanted her to get a second story in there.
Howard asked Joan about talking about black people in her book. Joan said she talks about everything in the book. Howard said that Joan says that hey have to pick a name and stick with it. They don't know what they want to be called according to Joan.
Howard asked Joan about still fighting with the young comics. Joan said that's right. She said that she's still opening doors at her age and the young people won't ever see those doors open.
Robin asked if Joan masturbates at her age. Joan said she won't go there. She said that they should ask Jane Fonda about that with her new body. Howard said she does look good. Joan said that one of her pet peeves is people who say they'd fuck older women like that and they look so shlumpy. Joan said that the older woman wouldn't touch that guy with a 10 foot pole.
Howard asked Joan if she still masturbates. Joan said that need never goes away. She said that she still wants the romance of a relationship too. Howard asked where she got her vibrator. Joan said she had a show on vibrators on her daytime show. She said it's so old that it says ''Beat the Japs'' on it.
Howard asked Joan about meeting Will Ferrell on the red carpet at an event and she says that he was very rude. Joan said she was interviewing Mike Nichols live on the air and Will just turned to him and started having a conversation with him without including her. Howard said that sounds like something funny he was trying to do. Joan said it wasn't funny. She said he's an egocentric asshole. Howard said she should have confronted him on the air. Joan said she tried but they stopped responding to her. Howard said it sounds funny to him. Joan said it was very rude. She said that he's funny but not that funny.
Howard said that Joan says she's had 739 cosmetic surgeries. Joan said that was a joke that someone picked up on. Howard said he likes that David Letterman has finally gotten friendly with Joan. Joan said that asshole Leno has never acknowledged her. Howard said he hates Jay too. Howard said Joan is terrific on Letterman. He said he has watched her on every appearance she's made on that show. Howard said she's a terrific guest. Howard said she works it like a woman who wants to succeed. Joan said that she does it like it's her first shot. Howard and Joan spent a minute talking about Leno and how he used to be funny.
Howard said he's not sure how Garry Shandling lives. Joan said he must have made a boat load of money somehow. Howard said he's not sure how he did that. Joan and Howard also talked about Bill Maher buying into the Mets. Howard said they were trying to figure that out yesterday.
Howard said that he'd like to know what Joan is worth. Joan said she's worth nothing. She said that she's doing Fashion Police and that's a career move. She said that she doesn't own anything. She said that she lives very high and she doesn't have a lot of money. She said that she isn't starving or anything. She said that she has made it through the lean periods with the jewelry and stuff like that.
Howard asked Joan about Chelsea Handler and if it's true that E! told her to shut her mouth about her. Joan said that E! told both of them to shut up. She said that they asked them to please stop it with the feud. Joan said they're lovely at E! and she went along with it. Howard said Joan was really going off on Chelsea last time she was there. Joan said that they don't talk when they see each other. She said they were at the up fronts and they didn't have anything to say to each other.
Howard said he has to understand this whole Chelsea Handler thing. Joan said she's not going to start another feud. Howard said that Joan was saying that she didn't know who she was and really went off on her. Howard said the audience liked the feud. Howard said now Joan is biting her tongue. Joan said she likes the people at E! and they asked her to let her alone. She said that they want it to look like a happy family. Joan said she doesn't need another feud. Howard said he would have thought Joan would have told the E! people to go fuck themselves. Joan said she should have but she can't do that.
Howard asked Joan about doing the Betty White TV show. Joan said she did but she will never do it again. She said that she was playing Betty's aunt and she started to ad-lib and they called her manager and told him to tell her to just read the lines. Joan said that she's not sure why they hired her if they want her to just read the lines. She said that when she did Suddenly Susan she ad-libbed a lot. She said she did Nip/Tuck and she ad-libbed in that show too. Howard said some writers are very afraid to go off script. Joan said that she came off like shit on the show. She said that they wanted to nominate her for an Emmy and she said no because it wasn't her best work. She said she did a show called ''Drop Dead Diva'' and they let her do some adlibbing. She said she did great on that show. Joan said that they didn't give her a chance to even try on that show. She said they could have said no to her material. She said it was an awful experience but the cast was great. She said she didn't even say goodbye to them when she left.
Howard said that Joan was upset with Betty White because she was up for all of these older woman roles but Betty White came back and took them all.
Howard asked if Joan really smoked pot on her reality show. Joan said she did. She said she thinks that if she and Melissa smoked together they'd have a great time. Joan said she smoked with her friend Lynn. Howard asked if she's the same age. Joan said no one is her age. Joan said that they smoked and laughed together. She said she hadn't done it for 40 years so it didn't take much to get her going. Howard asked how many drags she took. Joan said it was a lot. She said she had a good time and she just laughed and laughed.
Howard asked if Joan fucked Robert Mitchum. Joan said that he was a one night stand and it was great. She said that if he had asked her to go off with him she would have left her kid behind. Joan said that she was married at the time. She said that he came on the Tonight Show and she cheated on her husband with him. Howard asked if Edgar ever found out. Joan said she never told him. Joan said she would never talk about it if he wasn't gone. Joan said she cheated on him 3 times in 20 years. Joan said that you can get lonely on the road.
Howard said it must be intoxicating to have a guy like that wanting her. Joan said he wasn't what you saw on the screen. She said he was very interesting. Joan said he was probably 52 and she was in her 30s at the time. Howard said Joan had a funny look on her face during this discussion. Joan said that she wanted to get off of this subject. Howard asked what the date was like. Joan said they just went out for drinks after the show. She said that she was swept off her feet. Joan said they went to a place in Santa Barbara to do their thing. Howard wanted more details but Joan said it was enough already. Howard asked if she called Edgar and told him she was going to be late. Joan said that they tape from 5-7 and she was out until like 11. Howard asked if she did the walk of shame. Joan said that she wasn't going to give him every detail. Howard said she must think about him when she masturbates. Joan said that she does see the movies and thinks about him. Howard asked if she gets wet when she watches. She said she doesn't but she does have memories when she sees those old movies.
Howard asked who else she had that was famous. Joan said she had a guy named Gabe Dell. Howard asked if she thinks about him during masturbation or not. Joan said she's not going to talk about that.
Howard asked Joan about this guy Gabe. Joan said that she left Edgar for that guy. She said she was gone for 3 weeks with him. Howard said that she was out there fucking like a rabbit. Joan said she thinks that it scared Gabe when she moved in. She said that they were doing a play together.
Howard asked if it's true she had a night of passion with Larry Fine of the Three Stooges. Joan jokingly went along with that. She said it's funny to think about how those guys had sex lives. Howard said that Curly was the guy who was fucking like a rabbit. Howard said he had a nice head of hair and they wanted him to shave it all off. Howard said he was the ladies man.
Howard asked Joan about Robert Mitchum and if he smoked after they did it. Joan said that he put his ashes in her belly button. Howard said that relationship could have ruined her career. Howard asked if she remembers the size and shape of his penis. Joan said that she doesn't remember that. Howard asked if it was the first time she ever had an orgasm. Joan asked if he's out of his mind. Howard asked if he was bigger than Edgar. Joan didn't remember.
Howard got back to Joan's book and talked about Ed Sullivan. Joan said that she saw him do a commercial five times in a row and he got them all wrong. She said he had early signs of Alzheimer's when he was in his 50s. Joan said that they did things live back then. She told Howard how they worked things back then and how they had to stick to the time because they were doing it live. She said they asked her to stretch one night and she had to tell them to let her husband know or he'd kill her for adding material.
Howard said that Ed Sullivan was horrible on TV and everyone loved him. Joan said that they had every kind of act on the show. Howard said it's kind of like America's Got Talent. Howard said that's what he likes about the show. They have such a variety of acts. Howard said that's what he loved about the Ed Sullivan show.
Howard asked Joan if she would send Ed a gift after appearing. Joan said that she loved him and he loved her. She said that they would buy you clothes and they'd tell you if Mr. Sullivan wanted you to have the gown. She said she appeared on that show 31 times. She said it made her life.
Howard gave Joan some plugs for her book ''I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me'' and said that he likes it because there are no big words in it. Howard asked Joan who she's going to vote for. Joan said that she hates both Obama and Romney. She said they're both stupid.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Lisa Lampanelli will never be a Joan Rivers. Joan thanked him but said that she was afraid that it was going to be a bad call.
Howard said Joan will be signing copies of her book at the Barnes and Noble in Union Square tonight. Howard said tomorrow she'll be at Book Ends in Ridgewood, New Jersey. She'll be at a few other places as well. You can find the dates at Joan.co
Howard asked Joan about what's going on with the cannibals lately. He said he read about this guy who ate the face of the other guy and then another guy who ate parts of his boyfriend. Howard said they're doing it for fun. Joan said maybe it tastes like chicken. She said she'd be the first to ask for a kneecap. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said it was good to see Joan. He said he has to get to the stuff in his computer now. Howard said Benjy and his girlfriend put out a new song and he's trying to get some air play. He said that Benjy insists that the song is great. He said he's serious about it too. Howard asked Benjy if he wants it to be evaluated. Benjy said it needs to be mixed better first. Benjy said it's not Elisa's best song but it could be a hit if it was mixed properly. Howard played some of the song ''Haters.''
Gary said that Scott was laughing because Benjy has mixed the song about 6 times already. Howard said the song sounds kind of old fashioned in a way. He said that there is a lack of professionalism in it. Howard said that it doesn't sound like it's super produced. Robin asked what Benjy is comparing it to that makes him think it's so great. Benjy said he's comparing it to Katy Perry or maybe that Justin Bieber song that Howard hates. Howard said he would compare it to that too.
Howard said Benjy's girlfriend is really hot. He said she's in a video dancing around with Benjy and she looks great. He said that Benjy ruins it and blocks the shot at times. Howard said she should just be in it alone. Howard said Benjy just ruins it. Howard said Benjy becomes better looking just being around her.
Gary said that Benjy and Elisa are doing an appearance soon and it's the night before Lisa G's appearance and she's upset about it. Howard said he has to be honest and Lisa G's Sweet and Greet party is really bothering him. He said he has a line in his mind and he thinks that Ronnie is okay doing the shows he's doing because they're doing a whole show. Howard said that doesn't bother him that much. He said Benjy doesn't bother him that much but then Benjy sells a t-shirt and that bothers him. He said maybe it's because Lisa is in the news department that it bothers him.
Gary said that you can say you're going to see some kind of show with Benjy but with Lisa you're just going to hang out with her for $100. Howard said it really does bother him. He said he heard Lisa talking about it on the Wrap Up Show. He said he had a clip of her from the show where she talks about hearing him in her head. Lisa told Jon Hein that Howard said he felt she was above it and that made her feel kind of bad. Lisa said that she thinks Howard thinks she's classier than this event.
Gary said that what bothers Howard is about him not wanting to feel used but Lisa thinks it's because she's classier. Howard said this is all about him, not about her. Howard said it just bothers him and he can't even tell you why. Howard said it feels too much like a grab.
Robin said that Lisa bakes and she could hold a cooking class or something. She said that would be a great way to hang out with the audience and bring some value. Howard said that would not turn him off. Robin said she's not sure what this Sweet and Greet thing is. She said she's not sure what she's going to do. Howard said he doesn't understand it. It's like she's just going to stand there and they're going to hand her $100.
Jason said that he would pay anything to get close to the show back when he was just a fan. Jason said that as a fan you just want to get close and he feels that Lisa is taking advantage of that. Howard said he's trying to figure out what the problem is but he's struggling with words. Howard said he feels that Lisa is taking advantage of that.
Lisa said that she's going to be baking for the people who get to meet her. She said she doesn't do comedy so what else is she supposed to do. Lisa said that she doesn't do anything so why do the comedy shows make money. Howard said they're doing a show. Ronnie came in asking why she's knocking their show. Howard said that whole show is a show. He said when they come to see Lisa there isn't a show. Ronnie said he gets women to take their clothes off. Howard said it's a shitty show but it's to entertain people. Lisa said she's going to have entertainment and she'll be talking to the people. Howard said he's getting the feeling that it's all just too much.
Ronnie said that Lisa is ruining it for everyone. He said Howard is all bent. Howard said he's thinking about stopping all of the plugs. Ronnie said that's what he's talking about. He said she's ruining it for them.
Lisa said that she's holding a party and she'll be serving liquor. Howard asked if she needs a license for that. Lisa said that it's a party room so it's okay to bring the liquor. Howard said he really doesn't want to be involved in this stuff. He said he has spent his career not doing this stuff.
Robin said that this is like the Eat and Greet that they did with Scott and Ronnie. Ronnie said that was a joke. He said that they wanted Lisa to play the violin at their show but she didn't want to do it. Ronnie said she says she sucks at playing the violin. He wondered why she plays it then. Lisa said she plays in an ensemble. Ronnie said it would be funny if she did it. Lisa said she doesn't want it to be funny.
Gary said that Shuli said he offered her money to do the show and she turned it down saying it wasn't enough. It was $500 per show. Ronnie said she could play one song and get paid 500 bucks. Lisa said that it's the YouTube factor. She doesn't want it out there forever. Shuli came in and said that he does an hour of material and he's being filmed. He said she could do one song and get off the stage.
Howard said that she could make $1000 a night doing that show. Lisa said it didn't feel like enough to her. She said that she'd have to rent a car to get out there. Ronnie said she could get out there without renting a car.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Lisa sounds like a nice person but she has to find someone to date. He said she sounds really sad trying to make money this way.
Gary said that some people think that Lisa is kind of jealous of what the others are doing there. Lisa said that's not true though.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he wouldn't pay to see Lisa. Ronnie said that he can't go anyway because it's only for women. Howard asked everyone when the next Block Party is. Shuli said that they have a couple of shows coming up later this month.
Shuli said they did two shows up in Toronto and the fans were insane out there. He said he drunk dialed Scott's phone and left him a message with the audience yelling at him. Ronnie said they had this guy up there with a roll of money and he handed everyone money and gifts. He said this guy is known as the Cash Man up there. Ronnie said he's going to present Scott with Tiffany Baby Rattle that the guy gave him because Scott is such a baby.
Shuli said that they had an Eat and Greet up there and they only charged them $10 each and they had 180-200 people. Lisa seemed upset about it. Lisa said that they do show after show and she's just doing one event. She said that it's going to be like a cocktail party. She said that it's all girls and girls talk so it'll be good.
Ronnie said he has a great idea for Lisa's party. He said they could do a pole dancing class for the girls. Lisa said maybe with the next one she'll do that.
Robin told them to all stop discussing all of this and stop having all of these little businesses pop up. Howard said that Lisa's party sounds about as well thought out as Eric the Midget's AGT Wrap Up Show. Ronnie said that he's another psycho. He said he started up with them about the block party. He said he told people that Eric was charging people to take pictures and he was giving the money to charity. He said Eric got all worked up about that. Howard said Ronnie rally has a way with a story. Ronnie said he knows.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Lisa was originally supposed to have 22 people but now she has 10 additional tickets. He asked if that's screwing people. Lisa said they're making more room and it's still a small room. Howard said if he was one of the first 22 he'd be upset. Lisa said she hasn't even sold 30 tickets. She said it will be lovely.
Shuli said they had a chick show her tits to everyone at their show. Howard wished them all luck with their ventures. He added ''I guess'' to that. Howard said that he won't let them merchandise their shows so he's managed to keep a lid on that. He said they all have personal appearances though.
Benjy said that he still doesn't get why Lisa went off on him for doing his thing with Elisa. Howard said he's right about that. Howard said Lisa is hopping on the same bandwagon. Lisa said that Benjy is crow barring his girlfriend into the show when no one else does it. Howard asked why that bothers her. Lisa said she dropped it and Benjy can't let go of it. She said they can't get their friendship back because he won't drop it.
Howard asked Lisa if fans can ask her about anything. She said they can. Howard asked what she'll do if they ask about her love life or masturbation. Lisa said she hasn't thought about it. Shuli said she should be doing a demonstration for $100 a ticket.
Gary said that Benjy brings up that point because it was hurtful to him. Gary said that if he called her the C-word a year ago she wouldn't let it go. Lisa said she would too. Lisa said that Benjy called her a cunt on Twitter too. Benjy said he never called her a cunt on Twitter. Lisa said she just wants to move on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows what's bothering him. He said the show is about cutting through the B.S. He said that everyone is doing well because of the show and if they weren't on the show they wouldn't be doing this stuff. Howard said Jackie was another one with the stuff he'd sell. Howard said he was making a good living and he didn't have to suck every dime out of the audience. The caller said that Benjy has talent and he's putting out a song. He said that no one is going to go see Lisa if she isn't on the show. Howard said he didn't want to pick on Lisa. He said that things are getting wild though.
Howard asked Lisa if she did things like this at Hot 107. Lisa said she did get paid for appearances. Howard said he lets her do all kinds of things like that. He said he's not holding anyone back. Robin said she's still not sure what this Sweet and Greet thing is. Lisa said it's a dessert party if she has to define it.
Benjy asked Lisa if she's whoring out the show or using the show. He said that she accused him of doing that with Elisa so what is she doing. Howard said Benjy is using Elisa to help him with the songs he wants to do. Howard had to cut them off and said he had to move on.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that he agrees with the last caller. Gary said that Doug tells him that Lisa makes his blood boil. Doug said that Lisa is using the show and exploiting it. He said it's stealing from the fans.
Doug said he was trying to be nice to her on the Wrap Up Show but she threatened to leave. Doug said that he's not sure what this thing is. He said there is no value to this event. Lisa said that it's going to be a fun event for the people who come. Howard said it feels like it's spiraling out of control. Doug asked if they're going to be able to cover the event. Lisa said no. She said that Jon Leiberman will be covering it but not TV. Lisa said the people who are attending don't know if there are going to be TV cameras there. Shuli said they have people sign releases at their events. Lisa said she didn't put it on her invite. Howard said she didn't put that she was going to have 30 people there either.
Jason said he wanted to go cover it for the web site too but he's not allowed. Lisa told him to stop it. Jason said he's not asking, he's just going to come down there and take pictures. Lisa said he's not invited. Jason said that it's a show event and he's going to take pictures. Jason said he thinks this party is a rip off and it's a blatant stick up of the fans. Jason said he knows how much they want to get close to the show and this is a rip off in his opinion.
Howard told Lisa she should let the cameras in. He said that she needs things to happen for her or it'll never happen. Lisa said that Jason can come but he only gets one cupcake. Howard said he's spent an hour on this already. He's run out of time for all of his stuff.
Shuli said that their shows didn't get big until Howard TV started taping them. Gary said that Lisa won't take part in any behind the scenes stuff there. She wants to get paid. Lisa said she works for the radio show. Howard said that everyone is a part of the TV show there too.
Doug said that they blew up the block party shows. He said that they really did help. Shuli said she should have Sal show up and puke there because that's what got their show noticed.
Howard said that this is the Howard Stern Show and that's what they're there for. Howard said Lisa should be playing along and everyone should cooperate with everyone else. Howard said this notion that they're all working for different people is fucked up. He said if they don't work together then they don't have a show. Howard said they're all a team. He said it's all about the Howard Stern Show and they're a team. Robin said they have to stop fighting. Lisa said she has an interview she has to do so she has to go. Ronnie said that they're all team players there and she won't take the shit. He said they all work hard.
Ronnie said that he's showing up to that party even if he has to wear a dress. Lisa laughed. Ronnie kicked everyone out after that. Robin said she didn't know that she wasn't cooperating with the TV people. Howard said it's set up there so they're all at war with each other. Howard said some of the idiots who work there don't get what's going on there. Howard said it all works together but some of the execs there don't get it. He said they love the audience and love the success but they don't get it. Howard said he should write a book about the fucking maniacs in the business.
Howard said that it sounds like World War III around there. He said that people say they work for Sirius so they don't want to work with Howard TV. He said that there is no difference. Howard said he's selling subscriptions and that's what he's there to do. He said he's a genius and they still fight him aroudn there. Howard said they hired him for all of this money and they think he's trying to screw them. He said these fucking dopes don't get it. He's trying to look at the future.
Howard said they shouldn't even call it radio there. He said it's not radio. It's something new and different. He said they're trying to turn it into radio instead of looking ahead. Howard said they have this new technology that could be glorious. He said they should turn it over to him. He said that's what they were going to do when he first got there. Then everything changed within 2 weeks. He told them they were making a mistake. Howard said he's exhausted from being himself. He said he hates seeing the future and having everyone block it. Howard said Steve Jobs worked for himself. He didn't work for anyone. Howard said he had the right idea.
Howard said the stock price for Sirius stock shouldn't be under two dollars. He said it should be over 200. Howard said he's had it. Howard said he's tired of people saying they're loyal to Sirius and not Howard TV. He said that they have to stop with that nonsense.
Howard said he had to fight to get his show syndicated. He said that they forget what he helped to create. He said that he has to go and be a professor and teach communications. He said he'll tell the students not to bother. He said they should bring their great ideas to TV but not radio. He said the business is awful.
Gary brought in the daughter of the intern, Courtney. Howard said Robin just said she looks like Lindsay Lohan. The intern said that her mom was an intern when she was 20, 26 years ago. Howard said he's trying to see a resemblance to any of the guys who worked on the show. Howard said he would have pinned it on Jackie if he was going to pin it on anyone. Fred did his Jackie impression and said he'd call her Jacqueline.
Howard asked Gary who JD is in love with. JD came in and said that he's not in love with anyone. Gary said he did look Courtney up on Facebook. Howard asked JD why he's looking her up on Facebook. JD said he was on Twitter, not Facebook. He said he's not doing anything. He said he's just working. JD said he may have had a lapse when he went on Twitter to see if any of the interns were following him.
Howard told JD that he has to be careful and be professional. Howard asked how old Courtney is. She said she's 18. Howard said that JD is looking at a younger girl. JD said he's 32 so Howard said he's like an old fart now. Howard let him go and told him to stay off her page. Howard told Courtney to say hello to her mother. She said her mother loved the internship. Howard thanked her for interning.
Gary asked if Howard wanted to meet Scott's nephew, Jordan too. Howard said he'd meet him. Howard asked if the kid wanted to keep it a secret. Jordan said that he didn't want to keep it secret. He said they have the black cloud over their family too. He said that just being associated with the family brings them bad luck.
Scott came in and said that Jordan is his sister's son. He said that he is a Salem in that way. Howard asked what kind of bad luck he's had. Jordan said they have bad luck all the time. Howard asked what kind of bad things he's had happen. Jordan said his father passed away at a young age. He was only 55 years old. Howard said that's the black cloud. Howard said he married into that. Howard wished Jordan luck with that. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. Howard asked Jon what he thinks about the Lisa G Sweet and Greet. Jon said he thinks that he should be upset about it. He said that Lisa's thing is like a personal appearance with nothing there and he thinks she's taking advantage of the show. Jon said he auditioned for this show he's on. He said that's what Lisa should be doing.
Jon ran down a few more things that they'd be covering today. He brought up the AGT thing and how Howard was upset that a lot of his stuff is getting cut out. Howard said he's not really upset about it. He said he'd like all of his comments to be left in but he knows they can't do that.
Howard said that the guys made a prank call with George Takei audio clips so he was going to replay that. In the call the guys called a restaurant and had George asking for ''Uacamole'' and ''A'ua.'' Howard said George is so creepy with that.
Howard said the guys tried the same thing with Tim Sabean. He said they had Tim call a pizzeria. They had Tim asking for chicken and a salad, vegetables and fish. The pizza guy said it was a pizzeria so Tim ordered pasts and then fish and seafood. They had Tim call the place a bunch of times and he got hung up on each time.
Howard said that was a real dumb call. He said Tim can be pretty annoying in his calls. He said it's hard to find guys who get pissed off and stay on the line.
Robin got to her news and read about a guy in Canada who was caught after eating some of his partner. Robin said the police arrested him yesterday. He had mailed out body parts to some Canadian officials. Howard said he thought the homeless guy who ate the other guy's face was the big story. Howard said 80 percent of the guy's face is gone and he's still alive. Howard said this must be the end of days when people are eating each other's faces. Robin said that this stuff always went on, we just have better reporting now.
Robin said this guy in Canada was a porn star and it makes you think about what he was thinking. Robin said he fled but he was caught. Robin said there was a video of this guy stabbing the guy while a song from the movie American Psycho was playing in the background.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Beth on The View yesterday. He said she looked the best he's ever seen her. He said he had to beat off. Howard said he'll be sure to tell her. Howard said he's sure she'll be honored. The caller said he had a large load. JD said she almost had a wardrobe malfunction on Good Day New York today. He said Rosanna Scotto had to help her pull her dress down after she bent over to pick up a cat.
Howard asked the caller if he had any accidental strokes to Joy Behar or Whoopi. The caller said he just looked at Beth.
Howard took another call from a woman who brought up The View and said that Whoopi was dissing Howard. Howard said she does kind of make faces when he's on and when Beth was on. Howard said he's not sure if she dislikes them or what but Beth said that Whoopi was very nice to her after the show. Howard said Beth didn't detect any discomfort after the show. He said during the show it does appear that she's annoyed. Howard said Whoopi claimed that they took her questions on the show he was on. Howard said she was very nice to Beth and very nice to him after they did the show.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a guy who cut off the head of his wife and made his kids watch. Robin said that they found the children and the mother's body in the guy's apartment. Howard did a live commercial and went to break after that.
After the break Robin read a story about how they're trying to lower the crime to just a violation for marijuana possession. Howard said he likes this guy Cuomo who passed this law. Howard said this guy did it without a lot of fanfare. Howard said he is a worker and he must be reading that book ''Getting Things Done.'' Howard said he's a common sense governor and he's not going to bust someone over one joint. Howard said people smoke pot. He said he's not a pot smoker himself but he thinks it's ridiculous that people have to go through the legal system over a joint or two.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he wanted to say to Robin his feedback. He said yesterday Sal called him with the Wack Pack Feedback but he didn't play it. Sal came in and said that it totally blew. He said he needed some funny and it just wasn't there. He said it was bad. Howard said you have to see Sal's teeth. Robin could see them from home. Howard said the funny thing is that Jeff the Vomit Guy made it to the feedback thing. Howard told Sal that his teeth are too white and they look fake. Howard said he has to stop smiling.
Howard said he and Ronnie were talking about the teeth and even Ronnie was blown away by them. Sal said these are temporary. Howard said they're like porcelain. Howard said he didn't need new teeth. He said Sal had nice teeth. Sal said they were cracked and brown. Howard told him to smile again. Howard said he doesn't know what to tell him. Sal said he thinks it's the light shining on them. Robin said they're big and too white now. She said he's rivaling Gary. Gary said it's ironic that he's now a horse tooth jackass. Sal said Gary's teeth are an abomination. Howard said Sal can't goof on Gary now. Gary said that something that didn't stand out on him now stands out and not in a good way. Sal said he thinks it is in a good way.
Howard asked Ronnie to come in and tell him what he thinks of Sal's teeth now. Sal said he thinks they're great. He said he's going down a grade when he gets the final ones put in. Ronnie came in and said they're too white and they stand out too much. Sal said they're just temporary. Ronnie said he had nice teeth. Sal said he's pleased with them. He said he thinks the dentist did a good job with them.
Sal asked Howard about the Jewish religion and how that always takes over where people are from. He asked where Howard's family is from. Howard said it's Austrian, Russian and Polish. Howard said that this is boring. He said that Sal's smiling too much with those new teeth in. Robin said that they do say that you'll smile more with new teeth. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about an 11 year old who is a YouTube star and his classmates are the co-stars. Robin said he has Cerebral Palsy and he ran the 400 yard dash. Howard asked how the hell he did that. He said he'd stay in the chair if he had CP. Robin had some audio of the kid talking about how much he likes to run. Howard said that Jeff the Drunk is sitting home smoking and this kid is out running. Robin said that his classmates were jogging behind him and cheering him on. The video has gone viral on YouTube. Robin had some audio of the kid's mother talking about how overwhelming it's been.
Robin said that Kevin Costner is being sued by Stephen Baldwin over this invention they were involved with. Howard said Stephen invested in it and now he's suing Costner and Costner didn't know that BP was going to buy the invention. Robin said that Baldwin pulled out before BP was going to buy it. Baldwin claims he wasn't told about the deal that was in place and that he could have made money off the deal.
Howard picked up on Jeff the Drunk again. Jeff was asking why he always has to put him down. Howard said that he didn't put him down. He just pointed out that he's sitting in his trailer while a CP kid is running. Jeff said that he's putting him in a bad light. Robin said he didn't say anything that's not true. Howard said he's trying to motivate him to get out of his trailer once in a while. Jeff said he puts him down all the time. Howard said he's going to apologize because he didn't say that Jeff is drinking beer in that trailer. Gary said that Jeff go to sit in the front row of AGT. He asked why he's bad mouthing the guy who did that for him.
Howard said he's trying to get Jeff motivated to get out of the trailer. He said it's not that hard to GTD. Get Things Done, Jeff. Howard said that he's going to get him a copy of that. Howard said he's just kidding because he knows Jeff will call asking where his copy is.
Robin said that Disney is going to start advertising good foods for kids on their channel, radio station, web site and more. Howard said that's good. He said that it's going to leave them with 4 sponsors though. Robin said that they're going to limit what they advertise when it comes to food. Robin said they don't say who they're cutting out though. Robin said it'll be interesting to see who they end up with for sponsors. Howard said the only one they can accept is Regus. That led into a live commercial for Regus.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Donald Trump being called a racist and his rebuttal was saying that he just picked Arsenio Hall as the winner of Celebrity Apprentice so he's not a racist. Howard said he has some audio of Trump talking about Will Smith. He played the clip and Trump was saying that Sacha Baron Cohen has no talent at all and someone should wack him for doing the stuff he does. He said that Will Smith had every right to hit the guy he hit who tried kissing him at the red carpet event. Howard said he agrees with Trump on that but not about Sacha Baron Cohen.
Howard took a call from a woman who suggested that they do a variety show for the top 10 on AGT. Howard said he thinks they actually do that. Howard said he never really thought about that but it is a pretty good live show so it makes sense. Howard talked about the way he looks and how he looks good from the right side. He said that they start to move the camera around and he doesn't like that. Howard said he's very tall and they shoot underneath him and it looks horrible. Howard said he has to be lower than the camera. He said they should look out for him. Howard said all he cares about is looking handsome. Robin said the caller was saying that he does have a sex appeal. The caller said that Mick Jagger isn't good looking. Howard said he thinks he is. He said that maybe she doesn't look good and that's why she thinks he's good looking. She said she is good looking and she's 5'2'' and 105 pounds and in good shape. Howard asked if she has implants. She said she does but she was a gymnast so she didn't have big ones.
Howard asked if he's better looking than Peter Dinklage. Robin told him to stop it. Howard and the caller talked about the final episode of Game of Thrones after that. Howard thanked her for the call but she asked if she could play a game. Howard told Gary to take down her number and they'll call her tomorrow. He said he had a game to play tomorrow. Howard said he wants to see what she looks like too. Howard said she might look like Valerie Bertinelli but she sounds like Eddie Van Halen. Howard said they'll play a game with her first thing tomorrow morning. She'll be playing for a new iPad.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how he thought Gwyneth Paltrow looked in The Avengers. Howard said she looked great in that short scene she was in. He said she's very fuckable.
The caller told Howard to stick with Obama and not vote for Romney. Howard said he thinks he will. He said he's trying to keep an open mind. The caller said that there is no open mind if he goes with Romney.
Robin read a story about Queen Elizabeth celebrating her diamond jubilee. She's been on the throne for 60 years. Howard said that's terrific for England. He said he's not a fan of kings and queens though. Howard said it brings in money to the economy. Robin had some audio from the celebration they had for her. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what his dad thinks about the Belmont Stakes. Howard said his father hates it. Howard said his dad doesn't want to be bothered with it. He did his impression of his father talking about it. Howard said his father hates the track. He said he bets and likes to test his system out. Howard said his dad hates people and he hates horses so he doesn't like the Belmont Stakes. Howard spent a few minutes doing his impression and talking about his dad bringing his own food to the yogurt place. Howard said his mom has caught on to it and she brings her own nuts. Howard said she claims she does it because they're not chopped up enough at the yogurt shop.
Howard said his dad tells him that you can get up and make your own. He said he gets vanilla and then he'll make chocolate and peanut butter. Howard said his mom gets different things on different days. His dad sticks to the same thing every day. Howard said his mom likes different stuff and his dad will cut her off when she's trying to tell him that. Howard said he asked how he mixes in the toppings and his dad says he doesn't put them on the yogurt. He opens up his Tupperware and takes a berry and puts it on and scoops the yogurt in. He doesn't mix it all together.
Howard said he thinks that his parents figured out that the fruit takes up space for the yogurt and they leave it out so they get more yogurt. Howard said this stuff isn't healthy for them but they think it is. Howard said at their age who cares? Howard said he's going to get all fat when he gets off of this AGT. Howard said he's sure that they'd take Robin out and show it to her. Howard said he could do 4 hours of his dad just on Yogurt. He played a prank call the guys made to a restaurant using clips of Howard doing impressions of his parents.
Howard got back into his impressions of his parents and talked more about the yogurt shop. He went through his routine of the vanilla, chocolate and peanut butter. Robin asked some questions and Howard would answer as his parents.
Robin read about a top Al Qaeda leader being taken out. Robin said they say that it was the second in command guy who was taken out. Robin read the details of that drone attack.
Robin read a story about the planet Venus moving across the sun today and there is an app out that can help you track it. Robin said that this will only happen once in our lifetime. She said that no one alive now will ever see it again. Robin said it won't happen again until 2117.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves the show and he's helped get him through a lot. He just wanted to say thanks. Howard thanked him for the call. He said he knew he was doing something good there.
Howard took another call from a woman who said she had never watched AGT a day in her life until Howard got on. She said that she doesn't get the format of the show. She said she's not sure what happens in Vegas. Howard said they put people through to Vegas and they audition for the judges in Vegas and then they pick a bunch of people to go through to the live shows. Howard said that they'll fuck with the contestants there and they can get them to break down. He said it's like being God as a judge on that show. Howard told the caller that once they get to Vegas they do the picking and then 48 go through. He said they get to the live shows and then people will start voting. Howard said it'll all be votes after that. He said they might be able to influence the audience with their comments. The caller said she should pay attention then. Howard said that you should pay attention every week.
The caller asked if they have tickets for the live shows yet. Gary said he should be able to get some but not for the first or last episode. Howard said that if she's hot she should get to the front row. Howard said if she's super hot then she can sit on his lap. Gary said if she sends a picture then he can tell her exactly where she's going to sit. The caller said she wants to bring her mother. Howard said he's seen them split up couples at these shows.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's afraid to tell people he listens to the show but now that he's on AGT it's easier. Howard said that's why he did this. He did it for the fans who can bring him up at parties and stuff.
Jeff the Drunk called in again. Howard asked what he wants. Jeff said he was sorry he got a little upset. Howard said he's like the incredible hulk. He said he blows up and he gets mad and then he calls to apologize. Howard said he didn't even say anything bad about him. Jeff said he did too. Jeff told him to guess how long he's been calling into the show. Howard said he remembers him calling in before he had a boil on his ass. Jeff said he's been calling into the show for 20 years. Robin said no one is celebrating. Jeff said in October it'll be 21 years. Howard said it's 20 years of complaining. Gary said that the guys in the back said that it's not 20 years. He said that unless he started calling in before then he's not in the logs. Jeff said he made his first appearance in 2002. Jeff said he called in back in 1986. Howard said he didn't care. He said he was glad they were talking civilly.
Robin mentioned that Sue Simmons is done after next week on WNBC in New York. Robin said she's been on for 34 years.
Robin went through a couple more stories and had some audio of Martin Short talking to Jay Leno on the Tonight Show.
Howard said he's going to miss Sue Simmons. He said he will never forget when she said the F-word on live TV. He played an audio clip of that.
Robin read about Betty White getting into the Madame Tussauds wax museum. Howard said they should have a wax museum for all of the people on the show. Robin had some audio of Betty White talking about having the statue done. Gary said it's really expensive to go there. He said he went there with the family and it cost him like $150. Howard said he was asked to pose for one but he told them ''fuck you.'' They wrapped up and ended the show aroudn 10:45am.
Steve Brandano said that checking facebook is the norm. He said if he was just looking for their bikini pics then that's different. Gary said that if he got the names of the interns and looked them all up on Facebook, that's weird. Gary said he thinks it's weird to look them up on Facebook.
Benjy said he's not sure what's wrong with what JD did. Jon said he feels like they're going aroudn in a circle. He said he wanted to get a break in too so they went to break after that.
After the break Jon said that JD was there. He asked JD about checking out the interns on Facebook and Twitter. He asked if he thinks it's creepy at all. JD said that it might be somewhat creepy. Jon asked if he thinks that it's okay since he's close in age. JD said he's not close in age and he didn't know that the one intern was 18. He said he has to learn to keep his mouth shut with all of the assholes around there.
Gary said that they're just busting balls there and he said that it might be an HR problem if they worked at IBM or something. Gary said that JD is in a position of power there so it could end up being a problem. JD said he doesn't know. He said he's a heterosexual, single male and this is why he doesn't talk to the interns.
The guys were distracted when some hot chicks were walking by in the hall. They saw Kendra Wilkinson and some others out there.
Jon said that Ronnie got into some trouble over the interns a while back. Jon said he was going to keep it to today though. He asked Ronnie if he thinks it's creepy what JD was doing. Ronnie said it is a little creepy. JD said he told Will about it and Will is the one who threw it out there. Gary asked what the cut off age is for JD. JD said that 18 is fine but it's kind of creepy. Will said that he was worried about something happening so he had to let someone know what was going on. He said that he was making rape eyes so he had to tell someone. JD said that Will is the one who makes rape eyes. He said he won't say anymore since he's married. Will said rape eyes isn't cheating.
Jon asked why Lisa's party is bothering Howard so much. Gary said that it's probably because it's not providing any entertainment at all. JD said he thinks that Howard is upset with the block party too. He said he doesn't have any products for sale. He said he doesn't like so much of his stuff exposed.
Gary said that he and John went out and did a block party kind of thing and they got their asses handed to them. Gary said that Stuttering John went out and did comedy shows and took most of the money for himself. He said Howard didn't seem to have a problem with that. Gary said the block party shows bring material to the show because they do a lot of stuff at the shows that gets back to them.
Shuli said that he knows what not to do with this stuff. He said he knows not to put Howard's name on it. He said that Lisa isn't doing that either. Ronnie said that she's not doing anything. He said she's charging over $100 for this and you get a free cupcake anything other than that the people have to pay for. Gary asked if she's going to be running a cash bar. Ronnie said he doesn't know about that. He said she should be down there defending what she's doing. Gary said she should be so he's not going to hammer her too hard.
Gary said that all of this seems to be based on jealousy for everyone on the show who has something going on. He said that it might not all be based on rational thinking. Gary said maybe she feels she's missing something and this is her way of getting something going. Ronnie said that's what irks him about this. He said as soon as Howard brings it up she starts to hammer them over it. They get hammered for doing their show.
Will asked what Ronnie does at the show. Ronnie said he hosts the show. Will said that Lisa is hosting her show too. Ronnie said he's an emcee for the show. Will asked what JD does too. JD told him to fuck off.
Ronnie said that Lisa is giving nothing but a cupcake for $103. Gary said maybe these women are more in Lisa's kind of thinking and she's just getting them together for something a little more tame than the block party show. Ronnie said that's fine but why does she have to bring them into it. Jon said that maybe she feels that she should be able to do the same thing they're doing. Shuli said that she's not doing a show though. He said she's just charging people to get together. Shuli said she doesn't need to drag them into it when she's arguing about it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they're all using the show to an extent. He said that Lisa has to set up the show and she has to charge to make up for that. Ronnie said they have to pay for a venue when they do their shows too.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he agrees that Lisa isn't doing a show. He said it's hard to believe that she has all of this overhead and she has to charge the amount she's charging. He said he thinks that she's just trying to be in competition with them. Jon said he thinks that she thinks that she's bringing something to the table there and providing the cupcakes. Jon said that she probably feels she is providing a service.
Another caller said he gets what she's saying about not wanting to get out to the block party shows. He said that this is like she's scamming people. The caller said he went to the block party and it was fun. Jon said that people don't have to spend money and go to see her. She's not scamming anyone.
Jason came in and said he doesn't think that Lisa is scamming anyone. He said that she might be ripping them off. He said that Lisa made a name for herself from this show for the past 7 years. He said she's not promoting this on any other shows. He said that this is using the good will that Howard has built up with the fan base. Jason said that Howard could put his name on anything and sell it but he has integrity. He said he cares about his fans more than Lisa does.
Jason said he loves the fans and he was one of them before he got a job there. Jason said he and Will would go out and do this too but they wouldn't do it. Jason said he thinks it's disgusting to do something like that. Jason said he doesn't think she's earned the right to do this. He said that he's surprised by some of the stuff Howard has let go on lately. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from JD's dad, Chuck. Chuck said that he enjoyed Jon's show on Destination America. Jon said he appreciates someone in the Harmeyer family watching. Chuck said that he's going to be appearing at a restaurant this Friday and he'll only charge 50 bucks. Chuck said he thinks the whole thing is hilarious. He said if it works for her then more power to her.
Gary asked Jason why he thinks that people are being taken advantage of if they don't have to pay to go see her. Jason said that she's taking advantage of the fans because they want to get close to Howard. JD said that some fans think they're just one person closer to Howard and they might think they might be able to work their way in even closer.
Jason said that Lisa is putting the minimal amount of work into this as she can. He said that they were joking about how they should sell tickets about them arguing about TV shows and that's even more effort than what Lisa is putting into it. He said Lisa is being very up front about this whole thing but he thinks it's exploitative.
Ralph called in and said that this is all very muddy and he doesn't see why Lisa is being singled out. Ralph said that if one person can do it then all should be able to. Gary asked why he thinks Howard is bothered by this one then. Ralph said that she might not be putting a lot of work into it but maybe people want to see her for her personality. He said he doesn't see how this is different than the block party.
Jon asked why Ralph thinks that this is bothering Howard more than the other stuff. Ralph said maybe it's because the block party is creating content for the show. Gary asked if he thinks there are different rules for different people. Ralph said of course there are. Gary said maybe that's what this is. They pointed out that Artie got away with a lot of stuff that the rest of them could never get away with. Jason said if he fell asleep in the green room he'd never get away with it like Artie did.
Jason said that this block party is skirting the line that John and Gary got in trouble for. He said he thinks that it's completely different than the Lisa G thing. Jon asked Gary if he thinks Howard is going to put an end to all of this. Gary said it seems to be getting close to that. They had to end the show after that. They were done at 11:30am.
Howard started the show talking about how he called Robin last night (she's still broadcasting from home). Robin said it was right before AGT so she wanted to watch that. She figured they'd talk today instead. Howard said it was 20 minutes before AGT but you do need to prepare for it. Robin said by the time she saw the message it was too late. Howard said that hour of AGT really goes by quickly. Robin said it really does.
Howard said the guy from the night before who was a war hero and stuttered was a complete fraud. Howard said that it said he was scammed by that guy. Howard said that there can't be anymore more despicable than that. He said he's dying to tell some stories about the Las Vegas stuff. He said you should expect the unexpected on the show this season. Robin said they were promoting something that's going to be really shocking. Howard said that the judges can disagree violently so that might be what they're promoting. Howard said that Ronnie liked last night's show because they showed some of the disagreements. Howard said he gets so angry that he eats half of Howie's face off.
Howard said he's not sure how much they're going to show of this act but he has an idea of what it is they're talking about. Howard said they had a lot of arguments and they're not showing a lot of them. He said maybe next week they will.
Howard said when they would tape they'd be in that Snapple room for over an hour, twice a night, and they only show about 3 seconds of it on the show. Gary said they didn't show Howard voting ''no'' a lot last night. Howard said he noticed that too.
Howard said in Vegas he's right almost 100 percent of the time. Howard said he's proven right out in Vegas so that's why he'd like it if they showed him voting no.
Howard said that girl, Olivia, last night was amazing singing. He said that Howard didn't vote yes but he and Sharon voted the same. He said Sharon is the one who agrees with him most of the time. He said they keep Howie in check.
Gary said that Nick is really willing to put himself out there with the acts. Robin said she thought that Nick was going to get crushed by the chick who did the pole dancing.
Howard read the article about this guy who claimed to be a veteran. Howard said no one will believe you if you say you're a vet and you lie about it. Howard said you could be the most fucked up liar but you never lie about military service. Howard said this lie is so wrong on so many levels.
Howard read about this guy, Timothy Michael Poe, who was on the show and making people cry on AGT on Monday night. Howard said he claimed to be an injured Veteran and he came on and blew everyone away. Howard said he stuttered and he claimed that was from his war injury. Howard said the military is saying that he was never wounded. Howard said someone in the military had to look him up to figure out if he was really a vet. Howard said that everyone is going to think he's a scumbag for lying about the service. Robin said he didn't think through what was going to happen. Howard said his wife was there with him too.
Howard said that they're also saying that he didn't serve in the military for 14 years like he claimed. Howard said that he served from 2002 to 2011 in the National Guard. Howard said he performed as a supply specialist according to a spokesperson. Howard said they say he served in Kosovo and was in Afghanistan but he wasn't injured. Howard said he did serve and he was in Afghanistan according to this article. Howard did some math and found out he was only in Afghanistan for a month. He thought it was close to a year but he was reading it wrong.
Howard read about his military records and how they say he didn't have any injuries. The wife is now saying that the stutter was fake too.
Howard said this ruins it for a lot of vets. He said people won't believe their stories now that this guy turned out to be a lie. Howard said that the wife is saying that this wasn't real too. Howard read about what the guy said on the show about his injury and how he may have taken it from someone else.
Howard said that they didn't show his whole speech to the guy. He said he was ready to lose it when he was talking to him. Howard said he could have looked like a real pussy. Howard said that the guy claimed that he discovered his voice after he got his injury. Howard said this guy is in out in Vegas and they might even fall for it farther.
Howard said they weren't able to reach this guy for comment. Howard said he wants to interview this guy so badly. Robin said there should be a law about misrepresenting your service like that. Robin said there should be an AGT jail. She said it's horrible what they did.
Robin said they had to get after the queen for spending too much money. She had someone playing music under her window to wake her in the morning and they had to put a stop to that. Howard said the whole monarchy thing is just wrong. Howard said that they had some performances from one of the Black Eyed Peas guys.
Howard had Sam Simon on the phone. Howard said Sam is one of the creators of the Simpsons. Howard said Sam left the show and he shouldn't have. Howard said Sam doesn't get the credit that he should get. Howard said he heard that the drawings were really shitty until Sam took over. Sam said that is true.
Sam said AGT is his favorite show now. He said he was done with talent shows but he's looking forward to the live shows now. Howard said he is too. He said he's thrilled about some things that are happening. Howard said people are telling him that they feel he's revitalized the show. Sam said Howard has done with that show what he did with radio. He said he brought some unpredictability to the show.
Howard said that people are watching with their kids and their kids are turning into Howard Stern fans. Sam said that some people don't know who Howard is. He said he thinks it's great that Howard is on it. Sam asked if he knew how the mind reader did his thing. Howard said he knows because he has hired guys like that before. Howard said he was really good with the act though. Sam said he liked him and he thought he was really good. He said that he doesn't know how he did his thing. Howard said someone thought he had a ear piece in. Howard said some people thought he could look through the tape. Howard said the producers told him he didn't have a shill in the audience. He said he had to do it for the producers and he didn't have anyone with him.
Sam told Howard that one show he doesn't like is Jon Hein's ''Fast Food Mania.'' He said he heard Robin say she likes it. Robin said she likes it as a show. She said that she doesn't like that he's telling people to like the food. Sam said that this is a celebration of gluttony and animal abuse that is beyond belief.
Howard said he has to defend Jon for a second. Howard said that a lot of people love fast food and they love Jon. Howard said if you love the food and you want to learn more about fast food then it's good. Sam said that it's just so wrong. Sam was comparing the KFC Colonel Sanders to Osama bin Laden. Howard said they should talk to Jon about this.
Jon Hein came in and Howard asked how he can defend himself with this. Sam was talking about how they make chickens suffer and all of this stuff. Sam said that Jon is eating a hamburger in the start of the show that's about 18 inches tall. He said he looks like he's in heaven. Jon told Sam that he's out of his fucking mind.
Howard asked Jon if he will visit the slaughterhouse where they kill the chickens. Jon said of course they're not going to do that. Jon said he understands what Sam is saying. He said to blame obesity on these places is wrong. He said it's your choice to go to those places. He said they don't force you to go.
Jon said that he understands Sam's point but the show isn't for him. Howard said he agrees with Sam on a lot of the slaughtering methods. Sam said that the show is a commercial for fast food. He asked where the other side is. Howard said he thinks the fun of it is to watch a guy kill himself and enjoy it. Robin said that when Jon pulled out that gun that shoots the sour cream and talks about how great it is, that's great.
Sam said that what he would like is for them to see the short film ''Glass Walls'' that's on YouTube. He told Howard to make Jon watch this 10 minute film about where meat comes from. Jon asked Howard not to make him do that. He said he has seen Supersize Me and Fast Food Nation. He said he won't watch this thing. Sam said he will become a vegan if he watches that film.
Howard said Jon is killing himself and he eats shitty food all the time. Sam said that Jon loves his kids and he doesn't look very healthy on the show. Howard said they're getting older and he doesn't need to be around for them so much now.
Howard said that you can watch Jon's show and still find the humor in it even if you're a vegan. Robin likes the show. She said she liked watching the people sleeping in the parking lot to get free chicken. Howard said 60 percent of the population is overweight and they should be able to control themselves but everyone has personal choice. Robin said that this isn't the only show that's overindulgent. Sam said that the commercials are overindulgent too.
Jon said that the show is glorifying the Americana and all of the background of these places. Jon said that people aren't going to tell you to get the alcohol off the shelves if you love drinking. Jon said that comparing this show to 9/11 is wrong. Sam said it's really not.
Howard said that Sam was part of a poker show and he was glorifying gambling. Sam said that game is not gambling. He said it's a game of skill. Howard said that it's still gambling and gave him a good argument why. He also pointed out that Sam managed a boxer years ago and that's human cruelty. Sam said he wouldn't do that again.
Robin said that the Fast Food show is just a fun kind of show showing what the fast food restaurants are like. She said that not everyone there was obese either. Howard asked if Sam has demanded that the Simpson's remove all fast food advertising. Sam said he has not. He said he does think that Homer satirizes this whole thing. He said he isn't fat now. He said Homer is the average weight of an American now. He said he was supposed to be a moron and that's what they were showing.
Howard said when you do watch the show you think the fast food is fun so he gets that. Howard said that it is dangerous to eat so much fast food. Howard said that they've had a McDonald's cheeseburger in the office for 6 months and it hasn't changed at all. It's been there since January and it looks the same as it did the day they brought it in.
Howard said the roll, the beef and the cheese are the same. Jon said it does scare him. He said he doesn't eat cheeseburgers though. Howard said Sam wants to see that part of it on the show. Jon said that won't happen. Sam said he knows that won't happen.
Sam told Jon to watch Glass Walls. Jon said he will but he told Sam that Howard made some good points about his poker game. Sam said they play low stakes poker. He said it's not a big thing. Howard said that it's not low stakes for everyone. Jon said he's just showing the fun of going to these places and seeing some other crazy people like him. Sam asked about the animals. Jon said the show isn't about the animals. Jon asked if Sam shows the people who kill themselves over losing money in cards. Sam said that's not the same as killing animals. Howard said that Sam is bringing up something that people want to avoid. Jon said he gets that and he's okay with it. He said he's not a fan of the cruelty that might happen. He said he closes his eyes to that. Sam said he's in denial. Jon said he is and he just wants to enjoy a bucket of chicken.
Jon said that he doesn't want to be told how to eat. He said that most of the world isn't vegan. Sam said he doesn't care about Jon, he cares about the animals. He said people are suffering because people eat meat. Jon said that's the way the world is. Sam said he'll change after he watches that video. Howard said Jon is in one of the most controversial shows this season.
Jon said that this week he'll like the show because it's about drive thru's. Sam got in a plug for his Twitter account which is @SimonSam.
Gary asked Sam if he has leather seats in his cars. Sam said he does not. He said that his cars are solar and they don't have leather in them. Howard said controversy really follows Jon.
Jon asked Howard if his dad thinks about the animals when he goes to KFC. Howard said he doesn't think he does. Howard said this was a good commercial for Jon's new show. Jon said Sam lost him in that argument. Jon got in a plug for his show that's on Destination America.
Howard said that was just a test question. He said that they have an iPad to give away. Sharon has to get 3 out of 5 right. The first question was ''What is H2O?'' Sharon said that he will not get that one. Howard said Big Foot had to go to school so he must have learned something. Howard played the answer and Big Foot said ''Water.'' Howard said Sharon got one wrong. He said the game is trickier than you think.
The next question was ''What is the last letter of the alphabet?'' Sharon said she thinks he'll know it. Howard ran through the whole alphabet and figured it was Z. Howard played the answer and Big Foot said ''B.''
Howard played the next question which was ''What is 5 minus 3?'' Howard did some math and tried to figure it out himself. He came up with 2. Robin said that was correct. Howard said he did that in his head too. Howard asked Sharon if he will know that one. Sharon said he won't know. Big Foot came up with ''5.'' Sharon finally got one right.
Howard played the next question which was ''Where is the statue of liberty?'' Howard said there's no way he's going to know that. He said he has been to New York but he doesn't think he'll get that one. Howard said he'll take New York or New Jersey. Robin asked if he'll take ''in the water.'' Howard said he won't take that. He said he has to name a state. Sharon said he won't know. Big Foot said ''In New York.'' Sharon got that one wrong. Howard said that's the game. Sharon said she's heartbroken. Howard said she just blew it. Howard asked if she's nude right now. She said she's in negligee. Howard had to hit the delay when she gave out her email after Gary asked if she sent pictures to her. Gary was still trying to find the email from her.
Howard said he'll give Sharon another shot. He played the question which was ''How many wheels are on a unicycle?'' Howard said there's no way he gets this. Sharon agreed. She said he doesn't even know what a unicycle is. Sharon said she has to go with her gut on this one. Howard played the answer and Big Foot's answer was ''Two'' but it was mixed right into the next question. Howard said he really has to get out of radio. He said they don't screw that stuff up at AGT. Howard said they did get scammed though.
Howard asked who the culprit is who ruined his show. Gary said Sal will be in shortly. Howard said he should have known it was Sal. Howard said he's going to fire Sal now. Sal said that it worked when he checked it on his computer. Howard said there is no stop there. Sal said he double checked it. Howard asked if he goes back there and plays it, will he resign. Sal said no. Howard said that he wants to play the real game show. He said that the tracks are 11 and 12 and if it stops then Sal has his job. He said if it doesn't stop then he loses his job. Sal asked why it wouldn't stop. He said if it's on the track then it should stop.
Howard said Sal is busy whitening his teeth and that's why he screwed it up. Howard said that Sal's teeth look like shit. Howard said Sal uses him and he has no respect for him. Gary said that Sal did mention the doctor's name in the news story about his teeth. Howard said that he's using him and he should get out. Sal said he's sorry about that and he just fucked up. He said that he has been doing so well. Howard said he's not sure why he doesn't fire him. Howard asked if Sal mentioned the finance company who financed his teeth too. Sal said he did but he doesn't get what he did wrong. Howard said he cut a side deal to get his teeth done. Sal didn't realize what he had done.
Howard said he thought that Sal was honest but it turns out he's a sucker. Howard told Sal to tell him he's a sucker. Howard asked what he is. Sal said he's Howard Stern and America's Judge. Howard told him to tell him what he is. Sal wouldn't say that he was a sucker. Howard said Sal outfoxed him. Fred played clips of Sal saying ''Howard's a sucker'' from another time that Howard freaked out on him.
Howard said Sal cut a side deal for those teeth and if he knew he was doing that he would have sat down with him and told him they don't do that there. Howard said Sal didn't need these teeth. Sal said that Robin got a reduction and she didn't need it. Robin said she didn't use the show to get a price break. Sal said people give price reductions all the time. Howard said that he's just a sucker and Sal should tell him what he is. Sal refused. Howard said he wants him to tell him he's a sucker. Sal said he never even mentioned the guy's name. Howard said he is a sucker and Sal outsmarted him. Sal said he just got his teeth done and that's his business. Howard said he told the dentist he could get on the show with a plug. Sal said he never told him that. He said swears on his kids he didn't tell him that. Sal said the guy came to him and told him he could give him a discount and he never mentioned the guy's name on the air. Sal said what Howard is saying is bullshit. Howard told Sal to go back and stop looking at himself in the mirror and get the games right.
Sal said that these things happen. He said he's been trying to get a new computer but he can't get one. Howard said this company isn't interested in this show anymore. He said if it wasn't for this show they wouldn't have anything there. Howard said he should have a new computer in 3 seconds. Howard said the reason that there was a merger is because of this show. Howard said that's it. He said there is no other reason. Howard said this fucking imbecile with his teeth can't get a new computer. Sal said he talked to the computer guy about the anti-spyware software and they won't get it for them because they're waiting for them to be infected before they do anything. Howard said he's the enemy now and that's why the company doesn't help. Howard said this happens everywhere he goes. He said he thought it would be different there but he's always the enemy to the company he works for. Howard said he helped them get to the point where they could merge with XM. Howard said they could get rid of all of the channels and no one would even know.
Gary said that Sal got Howard off track. Howard said he did. Fred played more of the ''Howard's a sucker'' clips. Sal went off on Gary too. He said that he should go back to sleep. Sal said he did check this game and he remembers turning it back to that jump. He said he knows that it worked. Howard told Gary to go back and play it in his room. Sal said it jumped in his computer too. Howard said that means it wasn't right either. Howard said Sal just admitted he fucked up.
Howard said Sal has to stop worrying about his teeth and get to work. He said he's not going to get any work because of those teeth. Sal said he's doing a couple of films. Howard said they're independent films and maybe not even independent. Gary said that Sal told him that he owed him an apology for this whole thing. Gary said now Sal owes him one. Sal said he is sorry. He said he fucked up. Howard said he doesn't fire anyone and he really has to start doing that. He said he's reading ''Getting Things Done'' and that's giving him some ideas.
Howard said Gary and Sal are going to have the same teeth soon. Gary said he had a dentist who told him to go for a less white color. He said that you can't go for that bright white.
Howard said that Sal's dentist, Dr. Bean (actually Dr. Dean), is on the phone. Howard picked up on him and Dr. Dean said that he has been a fan forever. He said he's amazing on AGT and his wife loves him on that. Dr. Dean said that what happened with Sal was that they did his gums at another doctor's office. He said that Sal wanted to do his teeth and they have a pro-bono budget so Sal wanted to do 16 teeth. Howard cut him off and said he did nothing wrong. Dr. Dean said that Howard had his name wrong. He said it's actually Dr. Dean and not Dr. Bean. Howard said that's the other staff he has to fire.
Howard said he should have told Sal to leave when he said he didn't have the money. He said that people walk in there and finagle stuff. Dr. Dean said that he said they didn't give him a too white color either. Howard said they are too white. Dr. Dean said they can go a darker shade. He said those teeth are temporary. Howard said he doesn't have a problem with this guy. He said his problem is with Sal.
Dr. Dean said that Gary has to get his teeth redone too. Howard said they can't go to that place again. He said he couldn't find the right doctor anywhere on this planet.
Sal said he's going to take out the CD and fix it. Howard said it's too late. Sal said that from this point forward he will double check his work. Howard said he's so backward. He said he's going to check the work that he's already screwed up. Howard told him he'll never play that again but he can go check it.
Howard thanked Sal for that. Howard said Sal does a great game and then he fucks it up. He said maybe Richard should record some stuff. Sal said he already does. He said they work on this stuff together. Sal said sometimes CD's skip. Howard said the new rule is that after every game he can go back and double check his work. Howard said he's stupid because he gives Sal and Richard a room together. Howard said they're back there with their bromance and kissing each other's ass all day. Sal said they work all day.
Howard said that this weekend Sal will be in Dallas looking for Lee Harvey Oswald. Howard said he's going to go back and check his work now. Fred played Sal saying ''Howard's a sucker'' a few more times.
Howard said he's reading this book ''Getting Things Done'' but it's doing him no good. He said he hasn't gotten to the Sal chapter yet. Howard said just when he's getting things done he runs into Sal. Howard said he has to finish reading the book and see what he can do. Howard said he had the book there and it says ''Never hire your fans.'' Howard said that he hires them full time. Howard said Sal was outside his studio with posters and stuff and he wasn't into his job before that. Howard said he hired the guy anyway. Howard said he likes Sal's ideas though. He said he has to take a break now. Fred played one more ''Howard's a sucker'' as they were going to break.
Howard came back and said he's had it there. Howard said that there's an asshole there. He was complaining about someone there during the break saying that he shouldn't have trusted this person. Howard said he just got devastating news. He said he doesn't want to talk about it and he's not sure how to do the show now. He told Fred to finish the song and he'll go recover. Fred let the song play through.
After the song was done Howard came back and asked where they were at. Robin said they have those tapes to get to. Howard laughed. Howard said that was a fake laugh he just did.
Howard said that tanning mom is really milking her 15 minutes of fame. Robin said she's another lunatic. Howard said he thought they had all of the lunatics working there. Howard said she's on the front cover of the newspaper today.
Howard said if he went to Peru like Robin did he'd be dead. Howard said he's trying to work out and get thin so he can fit into his pants. He said he goes for a run and lifts some weights. He said it's like 8 pounds he's lifting. He said he tries to pretend that he's injured. Howard said that he's a big pussy. Howard said his father never spent any time with him playing sports. Howard said if he had maybe he wouldn't be such a pussy.
Howard said he did nothing but run 2 miles and lift a few pounds. Howard said he ran outside since he feels like a caged rat. Howard said he looks like one too on that AGT. Howard said yesterday he couldn't move his head. He said it must be stress. He said he went to beat off before going to bed thinking that was his stress. He said he watched that Babysitter porn on YouPorn and they have the same stuff on there. Howard said the one he watched he had never seen before though. Howard said the guy was vile in the video. He said the babysitter says she got smacked on the ass and the father tells her he's sorry. The girl says the wife saw it so she was sorry for that. Howard said the babysitter is in a mini-skirt and high heels and she's the babysitter. Howard said the girl was hot and she lifted her leg on the counter and that got him. He said he was done after that. He said the guy started licking her asshole after that and he's glad he was done. He said he didn't want to see that. Howard said he has no desire to do that to a chick he just met. Howard said the guy was way in there.
Howard said he got up at 2 in the morning with his neck pain. He said he had some muscle relaxers but they must have been out at his house and not in the city. Howard said he didn't have it with him because he's disorganized. Howard said that's why he's reading this book.
Howard said Beth was on 3 shows yesterday and she has this cat she was trying to get adopted out. Howard said they have this 22 pound Leon cat who is the joy of their lives. Howard said this cat that he and Beth took in is beautiful. Howard said this cat was the loving pet of a woman who died. The family just put the cat in a kill shelter. Howard said he has the paperwork and the people said that he's the most awesome cat. Howard said they didn't even ask a neighbor to take the cat. Howard said the family had no feeling for the cat at all. Howard said the cat is awesome. Howard said he's almost like a dog he's so fun. Howard said it breaks your heart. Howard said the cat gets picked on all the time even though he's huge. Howard said he just leaves when he gets picked on. Howard said he's a big pussy just like him.
Howard said Leon was in a kill shelter but a tornado hit and they ended up getting the cat up there. Howard said North Shore Animal League went to Alabama and rescued the pets. Howard said every animal died except for Leon. Howard said that they took the cat and flew him back to Long Island. He said he was very ill with all kinds of problems. Howard said they took care of him and for a year no one would adopt him. Howard said he's huge and no one thought they could take care of him. Howard said people don't like black cats because they think bad luck is going to happen. Howard said people are morons.
Howard said Beth is involved with all of this stuff and she asked to adopt the cat. Howard said he isn't the Taliban so he told her it's her house too. Howard said he got the cat home and he's scary looking. Howard said he's huge. Howard said he has fallen in love with him though. He said he and the cat are like Ike and Mike.
Gary came in to talk about the cat the Howard was getting to. Howard told him he's ruining the story. He's working into something. Howard said he has 5 more hours there. He's not rushing.
Howard said Beth brought Leon home and he's fantastic. Howard said if you met the cat you'd love him. Howard said another cat was brought in and he weighs 44 pounds. Howard said the owner just died. He said the family gave the cat away. They had a picture of the cat on Howard TV. Howard said he can't believe this family isn't willing to take the cat. He said he's 20 pounds overweight. Howard said the cat is so heavy he just lays there and he's so wonderful. Howard said his name is Garfield. Howard said Beth was in tears over the cat. He said that she was outside with the cat crying. She got really affected by this cat. Howard said North Shore didn't get any calls so Beth was going to take the cat. Howard said he was fine with that. He said no one took the cat so Beth is attached now. Howard said he's 40 pounds and they need a special owner to keep his weight under control. He said the cat is perfectly healthy at 10 years old. He said that they want to find someone who can take care of this cat. He said they don't want an Octomom kind of owner.
Gary said that he got a call from Beth and he saw the cat. He said he showed it to Lucas and he wanted to adopt it. Gary said his wife didn't want to take it in because they'd have to put it on a diet. Gary said they were giving the cat table food and that's why it got so big.
Howard said that this cat is in the Guinness book of world records. Howard said this is his good deed for the day. He said he's looking for someone to adopt it. Howard said that Jackson is going to college this year so maybe he could give the cat his room. Howard said they could rename it Jackson.
Gary said he'd like to take the cat but Mary does all of the work. He said Mary doesn't want more cat shit. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that was his girl there. Howard said he was getting his hair cut yesterday and Beth told him that Sheryl has a brain tumor. Howard said he read that it's a benign tumor. Robin said she says that she'll be alright. Howard said he's less bummed out today than he was yesterday. Robin said she's 50 years old and she looks good. Howard said he still lusts after her. He said he's proud that he can lust after a 50 year old.
Howard said maybe she got cancer from Lance Armstrong's balls. Howard said maybe it transfers the cancer or something. Robin said that's such a scientific way to look at things. Howard said all cures begin with just an idea. Howard said he's glad that Sheryl is going to be okay. He said she's a little angel.
Howard said he has tapes to play and phone calls to take. He's going to do both right now. Howard said he had a clip of a reporter in Maine who said a basketball game ended in a tie. He said that just doesn't happen. Howard played the clip and the woman said that the game ended in a tie. The score was 89 to 89. She said there was 21 seconds left in the game though. Howard said most people know that if there's a tie they go into overtime. Howard said it never ends in a tie. Howard said someone must have written that for her. He said that's a pretty big market to screw that kind of thing up. Howard said she may have been new at her job. That's the way it sounded to him.
Howard said he had a clip from New Mexico where this woman says ''shit'' accidentally. Howard played that one too. One of the reporters said ''spit shine'' and another reporter said ''that's an expensive shit'' and immediately apologized. Howard said no one heard it because they're in Albuquerque. Howard said she accidentally said shit. It's no big deal. Howard said she'll probably be fired for that.
Howard said he has played two clips of a weather forecaster from channel 7 when she chokes. Howard said he has a third clip of her choking now. Howard said it must be a psychological thing. Howard said it might be like Gary clearing his throat every morning. Howard played that clip and the woman was going over the forecast and she stared to have problems. Then she choked and had to stop. Howard said it goes dead but they're still on the air.
Howard said that there was a Baba Booey mention on Access Hollywood. They were talking about a designer name Barbara Booey and they made the Baba Booey reference. Howard played that clip and they were doing a fashion report when Barbara Booey's name came up and everyone started making Baba Booey references.
Howard said he got a disturbing picture of Wendy the Retard in the mail. He said that she's lost almost all of her teeth. Howard said she must not know how to take care of them. Howard said Wendy left some voice mails for him begging for money and blaming him for her problems. Howard played the clip and Wendy was saying that she's trying to get money for food but Howard doesn't give a rat's ass. She started crying saying that she has to go out and beg for money. She was talking about how she's lost almost all of her teeth but she's still eating. Wendy said that he's been promising to call but he never does. Wendy said she's fixing to lose it.
Howard said Richard's Dad caught some catfish and he had to report that to Richard. He played that clip of Richard's dad talking about the catfish he's caught this year. He told Richard about cutting off their heads and putting them on the fence posts. Howard said they must do that to piss of Sam Simon. Howard said that's life down on the farm. He said he loves that he calls to report the most mundane stuff. He said it's just sweet that he wants to touch base. Robin said she's not sure she'd want to hear about that stuff.
Howard said that goth kid last night was really good on AGT. He said that he was like the Susan Boyle of the show. Howard said a bunch of bad acts had been on before that kid at the taping. Howard said this kid looked kind of weird and he was wondering what he was doing with his life and why he was there. Howard said he was questioning what he was doing. Shuli said that Howard said something funny about having a bad day at the office when he saw the kid. Howard said he asked that because he knows that kid will never work in an office.
Howard said he asked the kid how long he's been singing and he said it was just a few years. He said he had never sang in front of anyone. The kid told him that the kids at school hated him and people just did not like him. Howard said he's one of those kids that no one digs. Howard said the kid told him that he's never even sung in front of his parents. He said he sings in the bathroom but no one has ever heard him. Howard said he thought it was bullshit but his parents were back stage saying they had no idea. Howard said this kid had no friends at all. Howard said he was an outcast himself but he had some friends. This kid had no friends at all.
Howard played a clip of the kid singing and he said this was like his Susan Boyle moment. Howard said he didn't know what face to make with that. Shuli said his jaw was on the floor when he saw that kid singing. He said they showed his parents and it was crazy to see it all happening. Howard said he was blown away.
Howard let the clip play through and said it was unbelievable. He said it was really unreal. Robin said that people have to go through voice lessons and language lessons to learn how to sing like that. The kid claimed he was self taught. Howard said he stood up at one point to cheer and they cut his head off with the camera. Howard said he's too tall. Howard said he had to get out of his chair for that kid.
Shuli said that you could see the emotion coming out of the kid when he was done. Howard said it was really cool and it was like seeing something cool on TV but he was actually there on TV. Howard said they saved that one for the end. Shuli said it was definitely the closer.
Howard said Shuli's mom is from Israel and she's watching the show. Howard said he got the ratings reports from Jon Hein and he gets them in before the network executives do. Howard said Jon is really good about that. He said Jon is the guy. Howard said he really knows his stuff. Howard asked how his show did. Jon said they did a .15. He said that's not bad for cable. Jon said that's like 150,000 people. He said that the network said it did better than they thought it would. Jon said that he gets a report about the top 100 shows on cable and it wasn't there. He said that people ask what channel it's on and it's different on every provider. Jon said they don't have many shows on the channel at this point. It's his show and BBQ Pitmasters. Howard said Sam should watch that show if he thinks they're abusing animals on Fast Food Mania.
Howard congratulated Jon for his show. He said it's cool that he's on TV. Howard said he was working at the Princeton testing service when he found him. Howard said he's very proud of Jon. Howard said he picked Jon personally. He plucked Shuli out of the listeners too. He said maybe that wasn't such a great idea.
Howard said that Shuli's mom is now watching AGT and she called him with a review. Shuli said that his mom was talking about how his boss is all over the TV now. Shuli did an impression of his mom and Howard said he used to think that he was exaggerating but he's really not. Shuli said that his dad has a heavy accent too. Howard said his dad still has some of the accent that he got from his family. Shuli said he never got it even though he speaks Hebrew.
Howard played a clip of Shuli's mom talking about AGT and what Howard is like on the show. Howard said she has no self editing and she goes on and on in this voice mail. Shuli said she touches on everything. Howard let the clip play and she was giving her reviews of all of Howard's judging on the show that night. Shuli said his mom calls at like 1:30 in the morning to leave that message. He said his mother loves watching these kind of shows.
Howard played more of the clip and Shuli's mom was giving all of the details about the show she was reviewing. She was calling it ''American Got Talent.'' Shuli's mom was going on and on about the whole show and how good the judges are. She said she doesn't like that they don't have a say in the finals when people start voting. Howard said he thinks he's going to be able to sway the audience. Howard said he thinks that he thinks like the audience thinks and it'll work.
Howard played more of the review and Shuli's mom said they can call her at any time if they need more information. Howard laughed and did a little bit of his impression of her. Shuli said the next day she left him another one. Howard told him to bring that one in too. Shuli said he'll do that.
Shuli told Howard that his mom told him that she saw Dr. Ruth on TV too. He said she said that Dr. Ruth looks like garbage. He said his dad said she looked like garbage 30 years ago. Howard said Shuli's parents must be tough. They were in the Israeli army. Shuli said they are tough and they don't fuck around. He said his dad won't talk about his service. Howard said Richard's dad won't talk either so you know he must have killed a ton of mother fuckers.
Shuli said that his dad won't even watch any war stuff on TV. He said his mom is even tougher than his dad. He said he was dating a black girl when he was 15 and his mom took a swing at him. He said he kept the girl hidden from them. He said his dad didn't care but his mom did. He said she wasn't alright with that. He said he kept her secret from her for a while but then she called the house one day. Shuli said that his mom told him that his girl had called the house. She asked what kind of Janea is. He said he told her that it was a French name. He said that she eventually found out and that's when she took a swing at him.
Shuli said that she claims she's not racist because she has a black friend named Mitzy. He asked how many black chicks are named Mitzy.
Howard said this is his ruling on this. He said it's okay to do the party but she can't say no to Howard TV. Howard said she has to play ball. He said it's not right to say no to the TV show. Shuli said he'll take a camera to the show and tape stuff himself if they can't get there. Howard said that she can't promote the event if she's not going to be part of the TV show.
Howard said Benjy lets them come and record them singing. Howard said he plays along. Howard said that if Lisa has restrictions then he's going to have restrictions.
Gary said he has an update. He said that Lisa called everyone who bought a ticket and only one person didn't want to be on TV. Howard said that if they don't want to be on TV then give them their money back. Howard said from now on everything is on TV. He said he's not letting anyone pick and choose. He said Lisa does a fine job but if she's going to use the airwaves to promote an event then she has to be on the TV show.
Doug asked Howard what his ruling is on her not being on camera during the behind the scenes stuff. He said she refused to be interviewed without payment. Howard said that's ridiculous. Howard said that Howard TV is no different than Sirius radio. He said it's all promotion. Doug said she wants to be paid to be interviewed for Howard TV. Howard said that's ridiculous.
Robin said when she went to Peru she took a camera with her and that was on a personal vacation. She said she thought people might be interested in what she was doing. Howard said it turned out to be great stuff too. Howard said he's not going to allow her to use his airwaves if she's not going to allow cameras in.
Doug said that she's buried herself for future things when she said that she works for Sirius and not Howard TV. He said they've never had anyone like that in the past. Doug said that the whole place is in turmoil over this whole thing. He said they don't want to make her cry but she doesn't seem to get it and it's hard. He said Lisa sees it her way and she doesn't want to hear it from anyone else.
Howard said if anyone wants to use the airwaves you can't pick and choose how. He said this is his audience and if you want to start a side business you can't say he can't bring a camera there. Howard said that's the way he feels. Shuli said it's a package deal. Howard said that's right. He said he just said something very smart.
Jon Hein said that it's only going to help your product if you're on the TV show. Howard said that he saw some of the behind the scenes stuff for AGT and it was great. He said that the Rachel Fine and Medicated Pete interview was great too. He said that's on Fine Time which is free on HowardTV.com.
Howard said that Medicated Pete doesn't know how to eat so Rachel gives him a cupcake from Crumbs and Pete is eating it during the interview. Howard said someone said that he eats like an iguana. He said he has cupcake all over his face and he can't really swallow it. Howard said it's the most disturbing thing. He said it's such a train wreck that he was late for dinner watching it. Howard said he didn't think he'd be that interested but he was fascinated. Howard asked whose idea it was to give him a cupcake. Doug said it was probably Richie Wilson. Howard said they should triple his salary right now.
Gary said that The James Gang was playing down in Red Bank and Joe Walsh's guys were driving around and saw Pete out there. they told him to get in the car and he got right in. They brought him to the show and made him Roadie for a day. Gary said he did it and never even asked why. He said Pete has been there 3 times since then and he's never told that story. Howard said Pete must have a lot of stories that he's never told. He said that's too much.
Shuli said he brought Pete to a show he did once. He said Pete washed his hands for like 15 minutes in his hotel room. He said there was a flood of water on the counter in the bathroom. Howard said he's probably been to the White House but he's never told that story.
Howard said when he was 12 he had to learn how to jerk off. He said that he would have jerked off like 8-12 times a day if he had porn like they do today. Howard said he heard that Pete jerks off like 8-12 times a day. He said that's one thing he learned on Fine Time.
Howard said he thinks porn would have helped him out with girls when he was growing up. He said he may not have been so desperate when he was young if he had porn. He said that he doesn't think that jerking off desensitizes them or anything like that. Christie said she did go off on the 12 year old and she put a lock on the iPad. She said that she was upset with him looking at that and not with what he was doing.
Howard played a clip from an old educational film where they talk about masturbation. Howard asked the woman if she did any of this. She said she didn't. She said she just walked out of the room. Howard played more of the tape to see what she should have done. The mom in that film tells her son that she was sorry and she will knock from now on.
Howard said he's not sure what he would have done. Howard played the educational film over and over and went through the whole thing with Christie. They were having fun goofing aroudn with that for a few minutes. Howard said he wishes his mom had apologized to him over anything. Howard said his mother used to tell him that his room was her room. He said she would tell him that he was her ambassador to the earth and he had to carry himself every day as her representative. Howard said she wouldn't let him get an earring because his ear was her ear.
Christie said they're going to get some walls put in for her son's room. She said that they have him by the laundry room so they want to give him some privacy. Howard said that she has to sit down and talk to her son like they do in this film. Howard said she might have to sit down with him and do that. The woman said she cold never do that. Gary said he just found out that this tape he's playing was made for parents of retarded kids. Howard said that this is something that every parent has to go through though.
Christie said that her husband isn't going to do anything either. Howard said he's probably in the bathroom jerking off. Howard said he would just follow the script and do it like they do in the clip. Howard told her how he'd do it. He played another clip of a guy reading his lines. They had inserted clips of Wood Yi reading some lines in response to the father's questions about his wet dream.
Howard told Christie that he was going to tell the kids that he's going to announce their names on the radio if they don't stop doing it. He had Christie cracking up. Howard said he's going to give the boys Jenny McCarthy's phone number and leave it at that.
Howard said if she wants him to talk to the boys he'll do it. He told her to just call in and let him know. Howard said he's just going to take his cues from the tape and let them know what he learned. Howard said if he's going to talk to the kids he should learn more about the sex ed tapes. He played another clip where a teacher was in a sex ed class asking for different names for a penis. The teacher was writing them all out on the chalk board. Howard said it's not that bad that they were watching porn. He said there is nothing shameful or harmful about it. He said that Christie will be more careful about interrupting.
Howard said his mom got him a subscription to Playboy when he was 13. He said that his mom wasn't uptight about the human body. He said she did ruin it by saying that those girls were freaks and no women look like that. She told him that real women look like her and his sister. Howard said he told her he was going to look for a freak.
Christie said that the stuff on the web is pretty hard core. She said when she was a kid they had nothing like that. Howard wished her luck with the boys and told her that he's there if she needs him.
Howard said he has tickets to see Roger Waters at Yankee Stadium but she's not in the area. She was in Grand Rapids. Howard said he'll give the tickets to someone else.
Howard said his dad told him he had to jerk off to Lysol ads when he was young. Howard said he has to go to break but he has Bobo on the phone. He's been on since 6. Bobo said that his favorite was Honey West. He also told Howard that AGT is amazing. He asked Howard when the people try out he'd like to know what the process is. He asked if they leave some of them in as a goof. Howard said the producers may do that. He said that they narrow them down to 48 eventually. Robin said it is fun to see people who think they have talent but really don't.
Bobo asked Robin if she's really going to be okay. Bobo said she didn't have to answer. Robin said she won't answer then. Bobo asked if she's going to be okay. Robin said she's going to be okay. Howard let Bobo go. Howard said it's like Robin is god like she's going to know if she's going to be okay. They went to break after Howard did a live commercial read.
Howard came back and said he got to nothing again today. He said it's already 9:20 and he didn't get to Wolfie's interviews from Comic-Con. Howard said he had to play just one to tickle your tits. Howard said these guys who go to Comic-Con are really nerdy. Howard said he's nerdy but not nerdy enough to go to one of these things. Howard said he would feel like too much of a douche to go. Robin said there's a documentary about them and it's brilliant. Howard said he has that at home but he's not sure he wants to watch it.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to a guy in a mask. Howard had to interpret what the guy was saying. He said it might have been the Killer Moth. Gary helped him out with that. Wolfie asked him who he was and to tell them about his character. The guy was talking through his mask so it was hard to understand.
Howard said Killer Moth is the opposite of Batman. He helps villains out with the good guys. Howard said he's glad he's not that fucked up that he's running aroudn in a mask at a convention. Wolfie asked the guy if he was made up or a real character. The guy said it was a real character.
Wolfie asked the guy if he was more happy to meet Scott Bacula or Jackie the Joke Man. The guy didn't know who Jackie was. Howard said he's not sure what Jackie was doing there. Howard said Wolfie claims that Jackie was sitting there all by himself. He said Jackie had no sense of humor about it either. Howard said Jackie was saying that it was early and later on he'd have more people.
Howard played the audio of Wolfie asking Jackie if he ever thought it would come to this. Jackie said he loved being there. Jackie also said he loves what he does and he wouldn't want to trade places with anyone. Howard cut the clip off when Jackie was explaining how much he has to charge for autographs. He said it was too depressing.
Howard played another clip of a guy talking about meeting Hayden Panettiere there but he wasn't able to say her name. He tried a bunch of times but wasn't able to get it.
Howard said some guys are pathetic. He said one guy was mad about Dean Stockwell not being very friendly. Howard said Dean is a pretty good actor but he's at Comic-Con and this guy comes up to him. Howard played that clip and the guy was saying he was trying to meet someone else but he got to meet Dean Stockwell. The guy said he was kind of stand offish. He said that someone wanted to talk to him and the guy didn't want to talk at all. Robin said that Dean should have gone over to Jackie's table. Wolfie asked the guy who he was there to see and he was looking for Bruce Campbell. Howard said he wasn't sure who he is. Gary said he was in Evil Dead. Howard said that guy is so weird.
Howard played more audio of Wolfie asking the guy about who he thinks has the biggest penis in the comic book world. The guy said it's probably The Hulk. Wolfie asked if he would give this up to save starving people around the world. The guy said no way and that's their problem.
Howard said he had a clip of Black Batman. Wolfie asked him some questions and the guy was dressed as Batman but he was black. Wolfie asked if anyone had asked him why he was dressed like that. The guy said that it doesn't matter what color you are. Everyone can do cosplay. Howard said he can't figure out why this guy isn't at his job.
Howard said Anthony Michael Hall was there at Comic-Con. Howard said he's a pretty good guy. He said he's a big fan of the show too. Howard said he's going to save the rest of these for later. He said he has audio of Erin Grey and they asked her a goofy question and she answered it seriously. Howard said she thought she influenced the world. Howard played that clip. Howard said she should have told Wolfie to get out of there but she actually said that her role on Buck Rogers was very powerful and changed a lot of young women's lives. Erin said she gets a lot of women telling her that they got into the Air Force because of that role. Wolfie asked if she's ever had violent squirting diarrhea. She said she didn't but Pepto Bismol always works for her. Robin said she loves that Comic-Con gathering.
Ralph called in and said that Jackie was the king of all ball busters and he didn't like having his balls busted. Howard said he'll play the rest of the tape to let people hear it. Gary said he thinks he should play the whole thing straight through. Howard did it for Gary and Ralph and just let the whole clip play. Jackie eventually gets fed up and almost tells Wolfie that this isn't fun, or funny. Jackie said that he's had such a great life and it makes everyone crazy. Howard said it doesn't make them crazy. Ralph laughed and said it's funny that he doesn't get why they're busting his balls. Howard said that Jackie was there all alone and they have a picture of him with no people at his booth. Howard said they have the crowd control poles set up for his line but there's no one there.
Howard told Fred to check that one out. Ralph was trying to find it but he wasn't able to. Jason said he was trying to find out who took the picture so they can get permission to use it.
Howard spent another minute with that and then let Ralph go. Howard said he has to take a break and get to some news. Howard said Ass Napkin Ed wants to adopt that Garfield cat. Howard said that he doesn't want them letting him get it. Howard said Ed would be a horrible owner. Howard said he saw his behavior at AGT so he won't allow it. Ed asked if he can have the Roger Waters tickets. Howard said he can have them if he promises not to adopt that cat. Ed agreed. Howard told him he's got tickets to the show at Yankee Stadium in July. Ed asked Howard to change his Twitter picture because it looks like he's taking a shit and it's making him sick. Howard found that funny that he's making Ed sick. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said it was time for news. Howard said it's past time for news. Robin got right into it and said that the original Green Lantern has come out as an openly gay super hero. Robin said that it's the original Alan Scott character. Howard said that no one ever goes back to look at him. Robin said that there's a new comic out today where he's already out of the closet. Howard said it sounds like they won't go to that character much since the rest of the Green Lanterns are all straight.
Robin read a story about Miss Pennsylvania resigning her title because she claims the Miss USA Pageant was rigged. Howard said he has audio of her talking about that on a morning show. In the clip they were talking about how someone saw a list of the top 5 before the show. Howard said Donald Trump gave a statement about that too. He said he gets crazy. Howard said he's going to sue her. Howard played that clip too. Trump was talking to George Stephanopolis about the statements she made and how they're going to sue her over that. Trump said she has loser's remorse and if you look at her you can see why she lost. Howard said you can't fuck with the integrity of the Miss USA Pageant. Robin asked why she would be involved with it if she thought it was trashy to begin with. Robin said they say that she was really upset with the Transgender contestant who was in the pageant.
Robin read about Andrew Cuomo talking about lowering the charges for people caught with marijuana. Robin said some people are against this and she had some audio of a guy talking about how it didn't work in California.
Robin read a story about the transit of Venus that happened last night. Howard said he hates that. He said every time something occurs like that he never sees shit. Robin said that scientists are hoping to see if the planet has oxygen seeing it pass. Robin said it only happens twice a century. Robin said that it won't happen again until 2115. Howard said he must be retarded because he has no idea how you see if it has oxygen seeing it past in front of the sun. Howard said that guy is a rock star thinking like that.
Robin read about how New Yorkers may be able to wave down a cab without even raising an arm. Robin said they are talking about an app that would call a cab for you. Howard said the poor cab drivers won't be able to avoid black fares. Howard said it'll be like The Munsters and the cab will peel out and drive off. Howard said that's one of the most heart wrenching things. He said that he has friends who say they can't get a cab. Howard said he hates seeing that.
Robin read about a study about life expectancy for whites and blacks and the gap has closed. Robin said they say that it's improvements in treatment for a few things that could be helping.
Robin read about Jerry Sandusky being included in the jury picking process. Robin said that one juror was going to be kicked out but Sandusky stopped his lawyer from kicking that person out. Robin said that he's very involved in that picking.
Robin read about Barbara Walters getting help from another person to get an interview with the President of Syria. Robin said that she must be doing something to get these interviews. Robin said that Barbara tried to help her out and get her some other interviews. Howard said journalists have some weird rules. Howard said they have all of these rules about things they won't do. Howard said they can't endorse products and things like that. Howard said they can't pay for interviews either.
Robin read a story about the guy on America's Got Talent that turned out to be a fake. Howard said that really shocked him. He said lying about your service is so wrong. He said it ruins it for other people. Robin said that he claimed that he could sing because he was trying to correct a stutter. Robin said it turns out that whole thing was a fake. Robin said he's still in the contest for now. Robin asked if they're going to throw him out or not. Howard said he can't say anything. He said that you have to just keep watching.
Robin said that Jenny McCarthy was on the show talking about Jim Carrey not talking to her son anymore. It hit the news hard yesterday. Howard said it was all over the place. Robin said they did credit Howard's show with the source of the story.
Robin read a story about Sarah Palin and had a clip of her talking. Howard said he used to think she was dopey but after seeing the movie about her now he thinks that she's just below moron.
Howard said that he likes that when he's doing an interview with Jenny McCarthy he's thinking that the AP is going to pick up on her talking about liking to choke on a cock but they pick up on the little bit about Jim Carrey.
Robin read about Kevin Costner and Stephen Baldwin's argument about the invention that would clean up oil. Robin said that Stephen Baldwin backed out before they made a big deal and now Baldwin is saying he got screwed.
Robin read about Sheryl Crow's brain tumor and had some audio of her forgetting some of the lyrics to her song last summer. Howard said poor Sheryl. Robin said she blamed it on age in that performance. Howard asked if she's blaming the tumor now. Robin said they're going to do nothing about that tumor. Howard said he's sure he has a few but he doesn't want to know about it.
Howard said if Jim Carrey is listening he'd like him to call his kids. He said that would be cool. Robin got back to her news and read about Charlie Sheen still having the hots for his ex-wife Denise Richards. Robin said they say they take vacations with the kids together. Robin said that he talks about how hard it is to be around her. Howard said he blew it with her and blew it with his hit TV show.
Robin read a story about Scout Willis who was caught drinking in public. Robin said she's only 20 so that's illegal. Robin said she flashed the cops a fake ID when they asked to see ID. Robin said they're busting her balls over it and some think that's because she's a star. Robin was done so Howard wrapped up and asked what Robin was doing today. She said she's just resting. They ended the show aroudn 10:20am.
Jon said that Sam Simon isn't a fan of his show. Gary said Jon really got pissed today. He said that doesn't happen often either. Jon said he'll get to that later.
Jon brought up the Lisa G party thing and what Howard was saying about that. He said he thinks that it's a fair bargain to make. Gary said he's been there so long that it's never been anything but that. He said it's all captured by everyone who works there. He said if you're going to take advantage of the good stuff then you have to take the bad. Jon said Lisa is welcome to come down there if she wants.
Jon brought up the tape of Wolfie at Comic-Con with Jackie. He said that Jackie plays right into those questions even though he was the one who used to write those same questions. Gary said Jackie would pound on the table laughing about the question he wrote for Ringo that was ''What did you do with the money? What money? The money your mother gave you for singing lessons.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks they're being very nice to Lisa G but she has to realize that the news department is kind of a goof like Riley. He said he can't believe that she can't grasp that. The caller also said that Lisa clearly doesn't get the show. Gary said he thinks that she does know the show but she's like the woman in the old Marx Brothers movies that didn't get the joke.
Benjy asked the caller what Lisa not getting the joke has to do with the whole thing. He said he's not sure how that fits in. The caller said he thinks that she takes herself too seriously. He said he wishes he could have that job but he doesn't feel that she gets that it's a joke to some degree. Gary said he thinks they're getting side tracked. He doesn't think that's got anything to do with why Lisa doesn't want the cameras there. He said he thinks that if things don't go the way she wants it to, she doesn't want it captured on camera.
Benjy asked if Lisa has said if she's going to allow the cameras there. Gary said Lisa has said that it's okay with everyone but one person at the party to have the cameras there. Jon said he thinks that Lisa wants to control the party as much as she can and she might also want to be paid for it. He said he's just supposing that and he's not sure. Jon said he's going to try to get her in there. He went to break after that.
Jon asked Sal about the screw up today. Sal said he doesn't know why he does these things. He said he has a guardian bully over him. He said that he has someone throwing his mind off. He said it was a screw up on his part. Jason said he should have given it to Scott because then he could have blamed it on him for not checking it.
Gary said that the track was so short that the CD player skipped it. Jason said that's the kind of stuff that Scott catches. Sal said that was his mistake. He said he asked Gary for all of the games back so he can check them all again.
Gary said he was yelling for Sal to come in and Sal ended up yelling at him for yelling for him to come in. He said Sal didn't know that the CD was still screwed up. He didn't realize that he was still wrong. They were going back and forth and Gary was pointing out that Sal was deflecting in the studio.
Sal said he was arguing with Gary over it in his office. He said he was going to go in and Gary would have to apologize to him. Gary said the desperation move for Sal is to bring up the sleeping thing. Sal said he's not sure where else to go. Gary said he gets it.
Benjy said he thought Sal was starting to cry. Jason said he thought he was. Sal said he wasn't crying. He said the whole sucker thing and the outsmarting thing was making him crazy. He said Howard kept going with that and he snapped.
Jon said that Howard threatened to break him and Richard up. Sal said if it goes there then it goes there. He said they work as a think tank and it would be like breaking up Captain and Tenile. Jason asked if that would be a bad thing.
Jason asked Sal if he would rather have an office alone or have an office with Scott the Engineer? Sal said he can't even think about that. He said he and Richard are a team and he can't even think about breaking it up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he is going to go to a Ronnie's Block Party and he's getting to see two shows for less than the $100 it would cost to see Lisa G. Gary said that a lot of people are making jokes about that $100. Jason said that he was thinking about asking people to give up their $100 tickets to come get a studio tour for free.
Gary said that some people think that some people need reminding about this stuff that they're on the Howard Stern team. Gary said he doesn't think anyone needs reminding about that other than Lisa G.
Jason said there was a time when the radio guys were fighting with the TV guys and it was like war. He said that's over with now. Gary said that TV and radio have had rough patches but they do get through it. They had to take another break after that.
Jon said he was on the show when Sam Simon called in. He said that it got under his skin when Sam said the things he did. Gary said Sam is very passionate about the subject. He said that he doesn't think he has it in for Jon but it was a good shot at getting his word out.
Jason said Sam could get on 60 Minutes to talk about that stuff. Sam was on the line and said he has been on that show talking about saving animals.
Sam said he has some problems with Fast Food Mania and he is friends with a former elephant trainer and an orca trainer. He said when you watch that Glass Walls video on YouTube then he'll change. Gary said he smoked for a long time and he watched videos and he still smoked. Sam said that when you smoke you're hurting yourself. He said you're not hurting animals. Sam said it causes enormous suffering. Sam said that it's not just about you. He said that they leave out what happens to the animals that are served in the restaurants.
Sam said that Jason loves his dogs so why is it different than a pig. Jon said it doesn't taste as good. Gary said that pigs are not pets that are dragged out and killed to eat. Jon said he wanted to get this back to the show. Jason said that he wants to as well. He said that there are dark sides to a lot of things and not just fast food. Jason asked why it's Jon's responsibility to show both sides. Sam said that Jon is not a hypocrite. He said that he's not saying one thing and doing another. Sam said that he knows he can't show both sides of the argument. He said that the show is a glorification of animal abuse and global warming. Jon said that's his opinion. Sam said it is not.
Jon said his opinion is that it's just showing what these places and people are all about. Sam said that the animals that are raised are causing global warming. Jon said that the opinion he has about the show is his opinion though.
Benjy asked Jon if there was a show about encouraging kids to play with guns, is it wrong to say it's wrong. Sam said it's people's choice to use cocaine but would you glorify that? Jason said that it's not more irresponsible than a show about cars or technology because they cause global warming as well.
Gary asked Sam what show he has been on talking about this stuff. Sam said he has a show on RadioIO on Bubba 1 where he talks about this every week. Sam said that obesity is more of a danger to American's than terrorism.
Jon said that these places are not the sole reason for people being obese. There are plenty of other things that contribute to it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Sam is the biggest hypocrite that he's heard on the show. He asked if he's trying to compare smoking to fast food. Sam said that smoking is hurting yourself. He said eating fast food is hurting animals.
The caller said that there are a lot of advertisers on the Simpsons who made Sam rich and they're just as bad as these places. Jason asked Sam if he knows where the Simpsons merchandise his made and where the money comes from. Sam said he has used that money to fight the things he sees. He's not in control of where it comes from.
Sam said that his position is to just try and do what we can to make the world better. Gary said that's a good point. He said that if you own leather of any kind then it's a legitimate question to ask if he owns any. Sam said his cars don't have leather. Gary said that's just as bad as having animals as food. Sam said he doesn't have leather. He said he would like to have meat eaters have one meatless day. He said that would save some animals. Jon said that he thinks Sam was wrong and he will continue to have his show on and it's on every week on Destination America. Jon said that not everyone is a vegan and there are more people like him than there are like Sam. They had to end the show a short time later. Sal thanked Sam for making him hungry. He said he's going to go out and get a burger, hot dog and some chicken.
In the clip Howard was talking about Ralph's new hair cut. He told Ralph to come in to show it to everyone. Howard said he should do it in a dramatic way. Howard said Ralph went to see Fabian and he gave him a new hair style. Ralph took his cap off and showed everyone. Robin let out a shocked ''Oh my god!'' Fred was laughing. Howard said you can see his original color underneath this color. Gary said he's obviously trying to squash that gay rumor. Howard said he has shocking white hair with dark roots. Howard said Ralph likes it though.
Ralph said he could get it colored if he wanted. He said they took all of the color out of it. Howard said he thinks he looks good. Ralph said it takes some getting used to. He said he had really long hair and it was all white so it looked weird and they cut some of it off.
Howard said he's starting to get used to it. He said that's like when Madonna did it to her hair. He said it takes a while. Robin said he looks like Andy Warhol. Robin Radzinski came in and said that anything is an improvement on him. She wasn't saying that he looks better. Radzinski said if he wasn't Ralph she might like it better. She said it's going to take some getting used to. She was squinting and trying to get different angles. Ralph said it really does take some getting used to.
Howard asked what styles he turned down. Ralph said he had pictures and hair cuts and this is what he wanted. He said Fabian wanted him to get a Mohawk. Robin said he never told her that he was going to do this. Howard said Ralph was afraid to bring it up. Howard said Ralph has grey hair now. Ralph said he left the roots dark. He did that on purpose.
Howard said this is good TV but bad radio so he's going to end this. Howard thanked Ralph for coming in and let him go. Howard said he's stupid as he was walking out.
Howard asked Fred what he thought about that. Fred said he still can't talk about it. Jackie said he makes him feel old because he just doesn't understand that. Howard said you have to give it a day or two to let it sink in. Robin said it's not supposed to make people scream when you see it. Robin said if Howard's wife showed up like that he'd make her get it changed.
Howard had Ralph come back in and continued to goof on him. He said he looks like a villain from a surfer movie. They went to break after that.
In the clip Howard was talking to Gary about getting tickets to see Jurassic Park and not offering them to him and Robin. Howard said that Gary only got 2 passes to it and maybe Robin or Fred or even Jackie would like to go see it. Gary said he has two tickets. Howard said it does him no good if Gary goes to see the movie. Gary said he has done movie reviews in the past. Howard said he has but they're just a couple of words about how good the movie is.
Gary said he and Robin are going to see Last Action Hero next week. Howard said he didn't now about that. Howard said he wants a list of everything he's going to. Gary said he was going to tell him after the show today.
Howard said Gary really should see Jurassic Park because he has those giant teeth. Howard said he's a Brontatoothus. Tyrannosaurus Booey.
Gary said he was reading Prodigy and reading what the fans were saying about him. He said he was reading about his giant teeth and all of that and he's being made fun of and getting paid for it.
Howard did his Gary impression and had Fred play typing sounds in the background. Howard was talking about all of the stuff Gary does on Prodigy and asked if he plays the games on there. Gary said he does play some of them. Howard said he imagines him looking up his name and playing games. Gary said he checks his stocks on there too. Howard said Gary has learned the alphabet from Prodigy.
Howard asked if Gary can even type. Gary said he can't. He does the hunt and peck method. Howard said you'd think he'd learn to type. Gary said he knows how to produce the show and he doesn't need to know how to type. Howard said he pictures him with one finger typing and one finger in his nose. Gary said he tried to take a typing class but it wasn't that easy so he left after the first night. Howard said it's very easy. He said he could learn how to do it in 6 weeks. Howard said knowing how to type makes it fun. Howard said not knowing how to type makes it hard to do everything.
Howard said his father suggested that he learn to type. He said you can get a job knowing how to type. Howard said Gary wasted more time in high school not learning to type. Fred said he only uses 4 fingers to type. Gary said he bets he can type as fast as someone who does know how to type. Howard said he'd take a bet on that with him. Gary said he didn't have nay money on him.
Howard asked if he uses two fingers and two teeth. Gary said he wasn't going to say anymore. Howard was talking about him picking his nose. Gary said he got caught one time. Gary said he has seen Howard picking his nose. Gary was doing it in front of a thousand people when he did it. Gary said he didn't do it in front of them. He was just clearing his nostril.
Howard told Gary to give him a memo on the tickets from now on and he'll ask if anyone else wants to go before he takes them for himself. Howard said maybe he'd rather have Robin there than Fafa Flolie. Howard said maybe Jackie or Fred would go before him too. Howard said Gary just takes them for himself and then he tells him the movie was really good. Howard said he'll ask Stuttering John and Steve Grillo if they want to go before Gary. He said maybe John wants to go and interview some people. Gary said there won't be anyone to interview. Howard said maybe John can interview the audience. He said that's the way things are going to be done now. Gary said that's fine. Howard said Gary is all hurt now. Gary said he's really not.
Howard told Gary he can go back out and produce now. Howard had Fred play the typing sounds and goofed on his typing skills some more. Howard said Gary really thinks those tickets are his. Howard said Gary will say he doesn't get paid that much but he gets paid plenty. Howard said he's seen members of Gary's family go to stuff and he's constantly bartering tickets. Howard said he has to get a list of everything that they're offered now. Howard said Kathy is going to have to start answering the phones if Gary doesn't turn this information over.
Howard had Fred do his Gary impression and had him repeating after him. He had Fred saying that he'll learn to type instead of reading Newsday every morning. Fred had something shoved in his mouth so he'd sound like he had a mouth full of teeth. Jackie was cracking up. Jackie said he's pretty sure that Gary will start repeating after Howard so Fred won't do it. Fred said he uses a Sharpie in his mouth to sound the way he did.
Howard said he resents that Robin and the guys don't get invited to the screenings. He said he ambushes the tickets. Howard said those people are actually calling for them, not for Gary. He said they just think that they aren't interested because Gary is the one answering the phone. Howard said Gary doesn't tell them about it until after he's gone.
Gary came back in to defend himself. Howard said he really wants Gary to make a list of things he's invited to. Howard said he didn't want to talk about it anymore after that.
In the clip Howard was talking about this bit he was working on called Kung Stern. He had Gabe Kaplan and Ronald Reagan playing parts in the movie. Howard was playing Kung Stern and Fred was doing some of the voices in the bit.
In the clip Howard was talking about how he asked Fred not to say ''Mini'' after every time he says mini. He said Fred got upset with him and Robin and walked off the show. Howard said he could have pretended that he was leaving but he really walked off the show. Howard said Fred can get pissed about things if he lets Billy go on too long goofing on him. He said that Fred was a little miffed but he figured he was really going to leave. Howard said once he left he felt really stupid. Howard said it wasn't even funny when he walked off.
Howard said he got a message from Gary about Fred yesterday and he wasn't able to get a hold of him. Howard said he had forgotten about it but Gary didn't. Howard said he was talking to their agent and he asked what was going on with him. Robin said she spoke to him about it too. Howard said he didn't know what was going on but Fred talked to Don and Fred was embarrassed by the whole thing. Howard said this was all going on and he just said maybe he'd call Fred up. He figured he felt like an imbecile for what he did.
Howard said he got pissed about Fred walking off the show. He said he has a function on the show and he took matters into his own hands and walked off. Howard said Tom got mad after he told him to get mad. He said Tom didn't know what to think. Howard said Tom was going to speak to him after he made him think about getting mad. Howard said Tom got into a panic and called Fred.
Howard said he knows Fred is like a dog and he will go hide when he's in a panic. Howard said he figured he'd call Fred thinking about how he'd be in a panic. Howard asked what Tom said to him. Fred said he felt it got out of hand and he told Tom that he was very sorry and that it was very unprofessional. He said Tom agreed.
Howard said they got about 550 faxes from people who wanted to replace Fred. Howard said the thing is that Fred can't be that insecure. He said he thinks that Fred is upset about Billy doing the voices and not letting him get them in. Howard said Fred has more leeway with the writing than Billy does. Robin said she actually told Fred that he should leave. Fred said he felt guilty after about 10 seconds. Howard said he knows Fred is loyal to the show so he just let it go.
Howard said he figured Fred was feeling like a douche so he didn't try to get him back. He called Fred and asked to talk to that kook. Jackie asked if he was really going to leave when he picked up his bag. Fred said he just picked up thinking they might try to stop him. He said no one stopped him so he just kept going.
Howard said he called Fred last night around 7. He said he was busy all day. He said he was going to go to bed but then he figured he'd call. He told Fred to just come in and he'd be fine. Fred said he was planning on coming in anyway but he appreciated the call.
Howard said Billy sat in Fred's seat for the last hour of the show. He said he had to tell him what to do. Howard told him not to do that again because people were jumping in his seat and ready to take over.
Howard read some faxes they got about Fred storming out. There was one from the guy who may have pushed Fred over the edge with his fax the day before. Howard said he got faxes from people who were willing to do anything for Fred's job. They spent a few more minutes on that and then went to break.
In the clip Robin was reading some news and had a story about senator Ted Kennedy. Howard listened to some tape of him and then did his impression of Kennedy. He exaggerated his Boston accent and did his ''Er-uh'' thing a bunch of times. Howard wanted to know more about what he was saying in that clip so he made a call to Kennedy. Howard pretended to call using his megaphone. Howard had a conversation with Kennedy and asked him about his analogy about people with AIDS being like black people. Howard talked to Ted about a few things like the Mary Jo Kopechne accident and Ted's retarded sister.
Robin would read some news and Howard kept going with the impression. He had Kennedy talking about the stuff Robin had in her news story. He had him saying a bunch of inappropriate things.
Howard said he seems to be blowing up a lot with his weight. He said he's worse than Jackie. Howard said Kennedy seems to yell a lot even though he's on a microphone.
The Most Beautiful Penis Contest. 6/7/01. 7:45am
Five guys came in this morning to have their penises judged for a Beautiful Penis contest. The winner would win a XXX Porn vacation to Mexico. There were 2 Penthouse Pet judges and one gay guy. Howard interviewed each of the pets and the gay guy before the contest. First up was November 1997 Penthouse Pet Alexis Winston. Howard got to talking and found out she's tried lesbian stuff but she's not all that into it. She eventually told him a story about going to Corey Feldmans house with another Pet and Corey kind of got the two of them to do stuff together. Howard tried to get as many details out of her as possible. It turns out they just touched each other over their clothes. She also said she wasn't interested in Corey either so no sex acts went on. Alexis said she realized she's not gay so it ended. Howard quickly moved on to the second judge, Melissa Anne. She quickly started telling Howard her lesbian experience with Jenna Jameson. She said that Jenna seduced her and she had her first lesbian experience with her. They met at a club and started to hang out. Jenna had her over to her hotel room and Melissa was so naive that she didn't know she was being hit on. Jenna asked her to stay over so they could hang out the next day and when they went to bed, Jenna started kissing her. Melissa said she fell in love with her that night. Melissa said she had the most incredible sex she's ever had that night. She loved it. Howard said that the story was ''insane'' when she said she had an orgasm while she was doing stuff to Jenna. Howard was also surprised to learn that Melissa has 3 kids. He almost passed on hearing her story when he heard that. He was glad he didn't pass on it. She also revealed that she's engaged to be married and her husband is a little jealous of the lesbian stuff. Finally they had Gay Paul as a judge. Howard introduced him and was ready to move along right away. He didn't care to hear about any male homosexual stuff, only female. He did talk about how Paul always calls the show and leaves messages all the time. Paul also has a crush on AJ Benza so they mentioned that quickly. Howard then took a break so they could continue on with the contest.
After the break Howard came back and started the contest. He quickly mentioned that the Penthouse Pets will be at club Ohm tonight and you can go visit them starting at 10pm. You can also check them out on Penthouse.com
Howard rushed through the whole competition. He introduced each guy and had them quickly take off their robes to show their penis. Each of the 3 judges would then rate them on a scale of 1 to 10. Here are the contestants:
KC's Second IQ Test Results. 6/7/02. 7:10am
Howard brought up the IQ tests that they gave KC yesterday. KC scored an IQ of 112 on the first test he took which surprised everyone. It was called ''High Average'' on the results page. That test was really old and outdated according to Gary so they gave him a more complete and longer test later in the morning. They had the results today. Gary said the test took an hour and a half. KC said his head hurt after taking it. Jason, the show logger, had to administer the test to KC. Howard said he figured KC would have tested around 89-90 which would mean he's ''slow'' or functional retarded. Howard said that on the second test KC ended up with a 90 IQ which means he may be mentally retarded. Howard said that 90-100 is slow, 100-110 is average, 110-120 is high average, 120-130 is gifted and 140 is genius. Howard said that an 89 means you're functionally retarded. Howard said he guesses that a person like Slow Adam would test around an 80.
KC said that Gary had to have screwed up somewhere and there's no way he could have graded it correctly.
Gary tested KC with one of the questions he screwed up. Gary gave three words that are supposed to have the same word follow them. He gave Arm, Look and Side. KC answered ''Arm'' for some reason. Then there was Turn, Head and Wait.. To which KC answered ''Belt.'' Another one was Snow, Basket and Pin. KC said ''Needle.''
Gary told Howard about some of the other stuff that KC didn't get right on the test. There were a bunch of things where he had to figure out what was missing from pictures and he had to pick out what was missing. He wasn't able to see a net missing from a ping pong game.
Gary said KC was really bad at the logic questions. Gary gave an example that needed KC to think. He read the question and said that he could see the smoke coming out of KC's head.
Gary gave some word comprehension examples too. He had to pick the word that didn't belong. He said that KC circled ashes when given these words: Smoke, Fireplace, Ashes and Fire. Gary also said that he picked rapid out of Fast, Slow, Rapid and Speed. There were a couple of other things that he screwed up that Gary pointed out. KC was able to answer them correctly when he was standing there but got them wrong when he took the test.
Benjy At The Anthony Weiner Press Conference. 06/07/11. 6:00am
Howard started the show talking about Gary talking about Anthony Weiner's wife's teeth being bigger than this. Howard said he has to call a press conference about that.
Howard said he woke up this morning and found out about Benjy going to the Weiner press conference and yelling stuff out. Howard said he's out of control. Howard said Benjy ended the press conference and some reporters are saying he ended it at the right time. Weiner was going on and on answering questions and he was going on too long according to some. Howard said Benjy saw a FOX reporter doing a report and he started to fix his hair in the camera. Howard said Benjy may have gotten shoved but someone said that he got hit and had to go to the hospital. Benjy told Howard he didn't go yet. He said he figured he'd be in the emergency room for hours if he did.
Benjy said he doesn't like getting on camera and interrupting people. He said he did it but some guy grabbed him and it started hurting really badly. He said that people told him that he was hit with a chain by some guy and he's not sure who did it. He said his ankle is huge this morning. He said he'd like to get an appointment with an orthopedic specialist. Howard asked if he's in pain. Benjy said he can't put pressure on it. He said he can't put any weight on it now. He said he had to crawl around his apartment to go to the bathroom last night.
Howard said he figured he could have helped him out with questions if he knew he was going to go. Benjy said he didn't know he was going until the last minute. He said he went down and went into the room and yelled out his questions.
Howard said it sounded like people were annoyed with him. Benjy said the press conference part went fine. He said he yelled out ''Are you shocked that Arnold had sex with such an ugly woman?'' and then he asked if he would support that love child. Then he asked if he was fully erect or was he capable of more. Howard said he liked that last question. He said that's probably where he would have started.
Howard asked Benjy about the chain guy and what happened there. Benjy said people said it could be a logging chain or something like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they should get Benjy off there because he sucks. He said they should have hit him in the head with that chain. He told Howard to get him the fuck off the show. Howard said Benjy was trying to create magic and he took a beating over it.
Howard said he had some audio of the press conference. He said that this guy Andrew Brietbart is the guy who let everyone know about this. He said that Weiner insisted he was lying and Brietbart got up on stage, unplanned, and demanded an apology from him for calling him a liar.
Howard said Anthony Weiner is claiming he doesn't fuck any of these girls. He says he just beats off to them. Howard said he beats off to porn and not to people on Facebook like Weiner claims he does. Howard said he beat off on the internet a few times but it was to dudes in the early days. He said he learned about that many years ago. Howard said he comes clean right away about that. Howard said he got over that pretty quickly and just moved on. Howard said you feel really lame when you do that. Howard said Weiner is spending too much time on this. He said he should move on. He's going to have to resign. The question is just when?
Howard said he was looking at the pictures in the NY Post today and he saw that he was wearing those shorts and you don't really see his cock. You just see a bulge. He said he does that weird thing where he shows himself and his body. Robin said that he is kind of weird in that way. He said other guys have done things like that and they've resigned right away.
Howard said Weiner put a lot of work into those pictures he took. He said he read an article about the guy and they were pointing out that he probably didn't get that many chicks in high school. He said he's still trying to be one of those cool kids. Howard said when he got Beth to marry him he said there was no way he was going to fuck that up. Weiner just got married not that long ago and he's fucking that up. Robin and Howard talked about how he must not love her that much if he's going around doing this kind of thing.
Howard said a lot of women are going nuts from this whole thing. He said guys will be guys and they do dumb shit because of their dick but when you're a congressman you have to be insane to do something like this. Howard said he lied about it and you know the press is going to hammer your ass.
Howard said Weiner's wife was at the press conference and you know there's no way she digs this. Howard said he had some of the conversations he had with these girls. He read some of the stuff he wrote to this chick Weiss. The chick was saying she wanted to sit on his bulging cock that he was writing to her about. Then he takes the picture of his cock and sends it to her. She asks him how he's going to get rid of it. Then he tells her he's getting harder taking pictures of it. Howard said this chick had to be a dude. Howard read the rest of the transcript and he was telling her this thing was bobbing up and down and the chick tells him she wanted to help him out in the shower. He eventually tells her that this thing is ready to do damage.
Howard said Weiner was married less than a month when he started doing this stuff. This chick was 40 years old too. He said that women are hammering this guy now. Howard said he held a press conference yesterday and Benjy went there and yelled out some questions. Howard played that audio. Benjy started yelling out his questions but it was very hard to hear. Benjy asked if he was shocked that Arnold had sex with such an ugly woman. People around him were saying ''You didn't just say that...'' Howard said he likes that they have to be serious now. This guy is texting pictures of his penis to women and Benjy is shocking. Benjy yelled out a couple more questions and they ended the press conference.
Howard said Benjy was getting up and down not knowing if he should be standing. Then they say that he's asking inappropriate questions. They ask who he is so he gave out his Twitter handle @Bronk.
Benjy said that Weiner claims he sent this picture out as a joke and he wasn't doing it as a flirting thing. Howard said that's what he claims. Robin said it was supposed to be his way of joking around with this friend online.
Howard said most guys do dumb shit because of their dicks. He said we hold our representatives to a high standard and they can't be doing this stuff. Robin said he shouldn't have gotten married if he was going to be doing this. Howard said he's going to have to resign. He said he lied and he's got a major character flaw. Howard said he made up really lame lies about being hacked and all of that. Howard said he thinks that this is a cry for help and him saying he doesn't really want to be in politics. He said his wife is hot too.
Robin said there were a lot of pundits talking about this woman who married Weiner and they were feeling sorry for her. Howard said it's mind blowing to a chick when they find out about the secret life the guy is having. Howard said Arnold is probably happy that he's in the news now. Howard said he won't forget about Arnold though. Robin said she's sure there is more to come from Arnold.
Howard wondered if Hillary Clinton is trying to console Weiner's wife. He said she's friendly with her and she knows what this kind of thing is like. Robin said she's probably telling her to stay married to him.
Kerri Witnesses Benjy's Whipping. 06/07/11. 6:25am
Howard and Robin ended up talking about Frank Sinatra and his wife Barbara. They talked about how they were out playing charades at a party and Frank didn't play by the rules and smashed the timer clock for the game and said time wasn't up for him when his time was up. Howard said she must be a lot happier now that he's dead. Robin said she saw dollar signs and that's why she stuck with him. Howard said Barbara was Zeppo Marx's ex-wife. Howard said he was the lamest of the Marx brothers. He and Robin spent a minute talking about how that was quite a trade up for Barbara. Howard said he found that whole story interesting.
Howard said that he had a witness of the Benjy beating on the phone. It was Robin's old intern Kerri. Kerri told Howard what she saw and said that she saw the big bike chain go around his legs. She said that it was a big bike chain and it was around his waist. Howard said it sounds like it wasn't on purpose that it was used against him. She said she's not sure how it got in there but it somehow got around his ankle. Howard said it sounds like it wasn't that much force. Kerri said they were wrestling around and the chain was really thick and long so it was down to the ground. She said he was bear hugging Benjy and the thing whipped around his ankle. She said she was trying to get video of it and she didn't see the whole thing.
Howard said it sounds like those guys were coming to the defense of the woman Benjy was interrupting. Benjy said that his ankle is really fucked up. He said that he wasn't resisting them so they were going a little too far for what he was doing. Howard said it sounds like he must have thrown it or something. Benjy said his ankle is bruised on both sides. Howard said it sounds like the guy was like Mickey Rourke's character in ''Iron Man 2'' with the whips.
Howard said he doesn't know what Benjy is up to. He said he just goes around doing nutty shit. He said he's a good guy and a funny guy but he has no way to know what to do. He said it's weird. Howard said there's being funny and then there's being funny. Robin said that the Howard TV guys are fearful for themselves when they go out with him. Howard said he doesn't want them going out with him anymore. Howard said he doesn't want him going out and doing things like that without permission.
Kerri said she saw the questions being thrown out there. She said she was right behind him. Kerri said that it kind of kills the whole press conference and everyone goes ''Aww man...'' Howard said he heard it was 25 minutes in and they were all bored anyway.
Howard thanked Kerri for the call. Howard said she heard that she's contributing to Sean Hannity's show. Howard said Hannity wasn't on last night. Kerri said she saw the replay last night. Howard said maybe it was delayed.
Robin said she saw Al Sharpton on MSNBC last night and it was very bizarre. Howard said he doesn't know how Al Sharpton had any life after the Tawana Brawley thing. Robin said he's with the President and going to the White House and no one is sure how that happened.
In the clip Gary told Howard that a couple of 18 year olds showed up to meet them and they're really into Fred. Howard said he'd give them 2 seconds. He said he heard they're not that good looking. Gary said they're not the kind of girls he's used to but they're not bad.
Howard met the girls and said they're not that bad. They came down from Boston on a bus. They were fans of Fred's because they had seen him on the Channel 9 show. Howard asked the girls about going to high school and if they went to their prom. They said they didn't go because it was too much money. Then they said it was a political statement. They said it was totally overrated. Howard said he didn't go for political reasons. He said he wasn't able to get laid.
The girls were checking Fred out and saying he's a good looking guy. Howard said they'd probably rape him if he didn't screw up that line on Saturday night.
The girls were freaking out over Fred. One of the girls said that Howard is cuter but they were still into Fred. Howard said he's got to be cuter than Gary. Robin said he is. Robin said she likes Fred's butt. Howard said he's working on his. Robin said he'll never have Fred's butt. The girls said they wanted to see Fred's butt. Howard told him to show it and then fart in their face.
Fred got up and showed his butt. Howard got up and showed his too. Howard said his is just as good as Fred's. He said he may have squeezed too hard when he showed it though.
Howard asked the girls if they're going to college. They said they are. Howard gave them some advice and told them not to become lawyers.
Howard asked if the girls were wearing bras. They were. Howard asked it hey wanted to hug Fred. They did so Howard said they can do that and then he'll get them out of there. Howard told Fred to hug them like a father would hug a daughter. Fred did that and Howard thanked the girls for coming in. He said he'd give them a hug too. Howard had them come over and hug a real man.
One of the girls told Howard she just had sex for the first time a few months ago. She said she used a condom. Howard said the guy should have used one too. Both of the girls had sex for the first time at 18.
Howard asked the girls how long after the first one had sex the second one did. It was about a month. The second girl had a 23 year old guy. Howard asked if this was date rape. She said it wasn't. Howard asked if they were wasted. They said they were a little high. Howard said he doesn't want to hear that from his kids.
Howard said he was trying to hug the girls like a father but he's ashamed of his arousal now. Robin asked the girls how long they knew the guys they were with. They didn't know them for long. They were drunk at a party. Howard said there's a lot of sex going on out there. Howard said it's unbelievable. He told the girls it was nice to meet them and he'd sign their stuff during the commercials.
Rapper Deadlee Visits. 06/07/07. 7:15am
After the break we heard a Gary Garver interview with Brittany Murphy. Howard came back after that and then brought in this rapper Deadlee. Deadlee was wearing some pink for Howard since he was going to be talking about being gay. Howard asked him if he hears a lot of crap from people like 50 Cent. Deadlee said that he was once forced to give a woman oral sex and he thought it was pretty horrible. He was only 17 or 18 at the time. He said his first gay experience was when he was about 12 or so. He said he remembers the guy telling him that if he rubbed himself that some white stuff would come out. Howard told him that Richard Christy did something like that and he claims that he's not gay.
Howard asked Deadlee if he thinks that Eminem's rap channel would play his music. He said he'd hope so but he's not sure. Howard said he read that Deadlee likes rough, aggressive sex. He also read that he's attracted to Baba Booey on the show. Deadlee said he's got that bear-like look. Gary came in a short time later and said that he was looking at him like he was a hamburger or something. Deadlee asked him to show him his body a little bit.
Gary asked Deadlee what he thinks about Artie because he's kind of bear-like. Deadlee said that Artie just looks a little sloppy. He said he really likes Gary's smile and that look he has. He said he'd love to lick those teeth of his too. Deadlee said that he loves women too much to degrade them. He said he'd like to nut on Baba Booey's face and spit on him as well.
Howard read that Deadlee knows the show and used to like KC and Ralph. He said that he saw Ralph out one time in L.A. and his gaydar popped up for a second. Artie asked him who he'd rather have, Gary or KC. Deadlee said he'd actually rather have Gary because he likes his guys to be a little odd. Howard asked him if he'd like to do Fred and had Fred stand up to show off. He wasn't all that interested in Fred so Benjy was up next. He said he liked Benjy and liked him a little hairy.
Howard said he knows it must be tough to be a gay rapper. He said he has a few fans out there and quite a few of them are on Myspace. He also talked about how his father wasn't so thrilled with him being gay but his mother is okay with it now. He said that his father told him that no son of his is going to be gay. His mother is into it now. She didn't want him going on Howard's show though. He told her that Howard would be cool to him though.
Howard asked Deadlee what he is, black or Puerto Rican or what. He said that he's a mutt, part Latino and part black. Howard wished him the best of luck and told him that he's going to ask the guys at Shade 45 to play some of his music.
Sal and Richard came in asking to do a gay rap thing with Deadlee. They were in their boxer shorts and asked Deadlee to rap about them first. He said he had no flow but went into a rap for a few seconds. Then Sal and Richard did a rap where they insulted Deadlee a couple of times. Then Sal asked if Deadlee wanted to play Sack or Cock where he had to guess if they were pulling out the skin from their sack or cock. Richard did it first and it was the bottom of his shaft but Deadlee got it wrong. Sal was up next and pulled out some skin. Everyone was grossed out so Howard kicked them out of there.
Howard said he heard that Sal fell asleep next to Richard on the couch in the green room. Richard said Sal was waiting for Jon Hein to leave and they just fell asleep in there. Howard said there are a lot of places he could have slept though.
Howard gave Deadlee a plug for his album ''Assault With a Deadly Weapon'' and then found out that he got the Clap from a guy who gave him oral sex one night after a show. Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked him why he'd get into a job where he'll never make it because everyone who likes rap hates gays. Howard said that if people keep thinking like that things will never change. Howard gave Deadlee a plug for his web site Deadlee.com and then went to break.
In the clip Howard was doing his Mama Lookaboobooday character and talking about high school and how the gays have their own gay high school now. He said he's not a fan of that. He did some traffic reports and talked more about the gay high school stuff. Robin spent a few minutes talking to him about what he was going to be doing during vacation before they wrapped up.
In the clip Howard was complaining about Scott the Engineer playing Prodigy Baseball instead of running tape of Best Of for their upcoming vacation. Scott said he doesn't wait until the last minute. Gary said he knows he's not getting Best Of ready.
Gary asked Scott about what place he's in with the baseball thing. Scott said he's in second place. He said he does a lot of it from home though. He said he does pull it up at work during his own time. Scott said he never takes his full hour of lunch. Scott said he burns out on doing Best Of when he does 30-40 hours in a row. Howard said he could do 2 hours a day of it and not have to do it all at the last minute. Scott said it's hard to do two hours a day.
Gary said Scott ruins his vacation because he waits until the last minute. He said he sometimes has to come in on his vacation to get it taken care of. Gary said that has happened twice now. Gary said he's told Scott not to screw with him before and it has happened. Gary said he understands that he can't do Best Of every week. He said he should get him 2 reels a week though.
Howard said Scott should be ashamed of himself for having that much time to play a fantasy baseball game. Scott said it's not just him. He said there are a lot of people around there who do it.
Howard said that Scott should get to more Best Of every week. He said he's miserable when he's got to do it at the last minute. Gary said he has to get this stuff done and they can't get other work done because he's so busy with the last minute Best Of.
Gary told Howard that Stuttering John has been having problems with his hemorrhoids. John came in and said it's the worst it's ever been. He said he can't sit down without making sure his cheeks are spread. Howard said he needs to learn how to go and how not to strain when he moves his bowels. Howard said the problem is that he's straining on the bowl. Howard said he should wait until the last second to go.
Gary said he told John that there is a process of getting the hemorrhoids removed and how painful it is. Howard said he needs to listen to what he's saying and just use 3 swipes. He said that if he sticks to that then he won't have a problem. John said he's using Preparation He like a mad man. He said he's also running and riding his bicycle and that's aggravating it. Gary said they say you're supposed to sit in really cold water to help.
Howard said he has to stop wiping and straining so much. Howard said he should call him every time he thinks he has to go. He said he's going to ask if he really has to go and if he doesn't then he's doing it wrong. Howard said John should cut back on running and bike riding.
John also said that he has cracks in his skin back on his crack. Howard said he has to put some lotion back there. He said that Lubriderm is good for that. John said that he can't just wipe 3 times. Howard said he should take a shower at that point. He said if he can't get it done in 3 then get in the shower. John thanked him for the help.
In the clip Howard gave the microphone to Steve Grillo who told a story about some ice cream that his girlfriend tried. Grillo told the story and said he told her ''Yo...'' so Fred picked up on that and did his impression of Grillo.
Howard said they have the wackiest interns there. He said Mike Gange is still trying to get into acting. He said his father has a construction company that he could be involved with but he wants to act. Gary said he heard he had a major audition with a major director. Gange came in and said he did try out as an extra in the new Spike Lee movie. He said he went down there and waited on line with a bunch of black people. Howard asked if he had a line. Gange said he didn't have a line. He said they interview you and then you leave after waiting in that long line. Howard said that sounds like a comfortable audition. A bunch of black people and fat Gange in line together.
Howard asked what he's learning in acting class. Gange told Howard some of the improv skills he's learning. Howard told him to pretend he's a fire hydrant and Jackie is a dog lifting his leg on him. Howard cut Gange off when he started talking and pointed out a speech problem he has where he talks out of his nose and throat. Fred did his impression of that and Gange asked why he's picking on him. Gange said he's not angry but Fred seems to be. Fred said he's not angry at all.
Howard asked what kind of things he does in class. Gange said he worked with a French guy on a bit. That led to Fred doing his French guy impression and working with Gange on some improv.
Howard said Gange has come a long way. He said he's like a seal. He asked if his acting teacher ever throws him a fish. Howard told him to get out and let him get to some news. He said that was some acting he did. Howard said he's never done a scene from a play. Robin said he's too new to get a scene.
Rush Limbaugh Wedding And More Oil Spill Discussions. 06/07/10. 6:15am
Howard played some more Rush clips and said that Richard takes like a whole day to come up with those clips sometimes. He said he has to combine words to make some of the words he has Rush saying.
Howard said Sal found another Mom porn. Gary told Howard that he had some more about the oil spill. Howard said he'd get back to Sal later. Gary told Howard that they capped the responsibility of oil companies for oil spills back in 1990 and that was during Senior Bush. Gary said they capped it at $75 million. Howard said that's like 20 bucks to them. Howard said it sounds like a lot of money until you think about the billions they're making. They make like 100 billion a quarter in profits according to Robin. Howard said the law should say that they have to pay to clean up the whole thing and that they will be thrown in jail if they have a spill. He said that would stop the spills.
Howard ended up talking about camp and how the things they lived in were like houses with just 3 walls. He said they didn't have a front. He said they were open and if it rained then they'd get wet. Howard said he was lucky so he was able to get the good bunks since he was one of the older kids.
Howard said he's just angry about this spill. He said he has this intense anger over the while thing. Robin said she's resigned. She said that it's going to be a big mess for a while and anger isn't going to make it go away.
Howard said he's going back to therapy this week. He said he had a week off last week. Howard said the shrink is going to tell him he's angry because he wasn't in therapy but he won't agree. He said the shrink is going to tell him that he's not seeing that he's angry over it. Howard said if he can't see it then how is he supposed to deal with it?
In the clip Howard said he was going to play a game where the callers have to guess where the sounds come from. Howard did his ''chhh'' sound for Scott and the caller got it. He did his Tom Chiusano sound and the caller knew it was Tom. Howard told Robin to do one. Robin didn't know what to do. Fred did a ''Fooey'' mention. The caller got that one right too.
Howard had Billy West do a Jackie sound. The caller knew that too. He did some other stuff and Robin got in on it but the caller didn't know the origin of them because he was from L.A. and it was from before his time. He did know the newer stuff though.
Fred did his Stuttering John impression and the caller got that. Jackie did his ''I haven't seen dime one'' Doug Bady impression but Howard said that's not part of the show really. Howard did his Robin impression and the caller got that one too.
Fred did his Grillo impression and the caller got that. Howard told him to do another one... fatso. Fred did his Mike Gange impression. The caller got that one too. Billy did a fart sound. The caller guessed it was Howard. Howard said that's ridiculous.
Billy did his Gary laugh impression. The caller didn't get it. Howard didn't either. That led to Fred playing some audio clips for the caller. The caller knew almost everything they played for him. They played one of Robin singing and Billy did an impression of that one that had Howard cracking up.
Howard played some more clips for the caller and he was getting every single one. They had Gary clips, Daniel Carver clips and more. Fred did a Dan Forman impression and the guy got that one too. Fred did a Dominic Barbara impression and the caller eventually got it.
Howard played a clip of Gary's laugh that they had already played. The caller knew that one. He had a clip of Billy doing his Jackie impression and he knew that. Howard said this next one will be the ultimate test. He said they'll have Billy or Jackie laugh and the caller has to guess who it really is. First up was Jackie laughing and then Billy laughing. The caller got that right too.
Gary said Tom is so impressed with this guy he's willing to give him a portable CD player. Howard said he did very well and won. Howard thanked the guy for the call.
The caller said he has some video from CNBC when Imus was on and Imus was saying that Howard copies him. Howard said that's such a lie. Howard said Imus is the one who is copying him. He said Imus was playing Moby Worm bits when he got there. He showed Imus how to do a show when he was at WNBC with him. Howard said these guys all claim to be original but they're not.
Howard went off on Imus for a few minutes. He said Imus is writing a book now and he's doing everything he does. Howard said it's unbelievable. Howard said he bets that he's going to go see Joan Rivers since he just did that. Howard said the guy is an old freak and a copycat. Howard did his impression of Imus and goofed on him about his old Moby Worm bit that he did at NBC. Howard said he's a freak. Howard said he's so full of crap he's surprised that corn isn't coming out of his eyes. Howard continued to go off on Imus for a few more minutes. Howard said Imus was boring before he got there. Howard said he should pull out some of his lame bits so people can hear what he's talking about.
Howard said Imus thinks he's number 2 in the ratings but he forgets the other 7 stations between him and number 2. Howard said Imus is at number 9 and he's number 1. They had to go to break a short time later.
In the clip Howard asked for the Mondale clip and then played the audio of Stuttering John interviewing Walter Mondale at an event. John asked him a few questions and then asked if he was afraid that Ferraro was going to get cramps in office. Mondale asked for his next question.
Howard asked if they got this on video. John said they did. Howard said it sounded like a snake was loose in the room when John asked that question. He stuttered when he got to the name ''Ferraro.'' Gary said you can't walk away from a stutterer. He said they have to stick around to answer the questions. Gary said no one gets that this is a joke.
John asked if Billy Carter ever did something and he got stuck in another stutter that sounded like a machine gun. Everyone was goofing on John about that one.
Howard replayed the Billy Carter question where John got stuck. Mondale talked about how Billy is dead now and how he was an alcoholic. He said it wasn't funny. Robin said that stutter was the best he's ever had. She wanted to hear a replay of that. Howard replayed it for her. They went to break a short time later.
Porn Star ''Weakest Dink'' Game. 6/7/02. 8:45am
Five porn stars came in to play ''The Weakest Dink'' game today. A couple of weeks ago Howard picked 5 listeners to play the game along with the porn stars. Howard had a wheel that he spun for each caller and they were all paired up with porn stars. The porn star who wins the game actually wins $10,000 for the listener they're playing for. The money is courtesy of AdamEve.com.
Howard introduced each of the Vivid Video porn stars which included Jenna Jameson, Dasha, Taylor Hayes, Savanna Samson and Kira Keynor.
Howard asked the girls if they all get along. Jenna said that they don't because their personalities clash. Gary said that Kira is one who seems very unhappy. Jenna said that she really is unhappy. Howard said he did some research on her and found out her father was very ''Military'' and a hard ass around the house. She spent a few minutes talking about that and how her parents don't even know she's in porno. She said they don't watch regular TV and will probably never find out about it.
Jenna said that she likes Kira but she can be really nice or really nasty at different times. Howard tried to find out what kind of back stabbing Jenna may have done to piss Kira off. She said some people told her about how Jenna bought her web site domain name. It turns out Kira's former boyfriend used to work for Jenna and he bought the web site name and sold it to Jenna's boyfriend or something like that. Jenna had nothing to do with it but she's taking the blame for some reason. It wasn't even the dot com, it was the dot net. Whatever... Kira said part of the issue was with Jenna and some of it was with Vivid who set up the site. Gary came in and told Howard some more about Kira. She apparently dated this guy who they were calling ''Hillbilly'' who was allegedly abusive to her because she once dated Sinbad the black comedian. Hillbilly apparently tried to push her out of a moving car after hearing that. She didn't break up with him after that either. She said it was all mind control. Gary told Howard there was even more to her story. Howard cut off the stories and got back to the introductions and the game.
Howard spoke to Savanna Samson who was wearing a mini skirt and a tank top. She has only done 2 pornos with Vivid so far. Gary also told Howard that her parents don't know that she's in porn. Her sister has apparently disowned her because she's doing porn now. Dasha said her mother just found out that she's doing porn. Gary had a couple of quick stories about her that he went through.
Howard moved on to Taylor Hayes. Gary gave Howard a couple of quick facts about her too. He said she loves anal and she's mad at the band Creed because they were rude to her at a club she appeared at. Jenna said she really likes Taylor too.
Gary had info on Kira who slept with Norm Macdonald. She said she didn't want to kiss and tell but she did give them a few details. She said that Norm liked to spank her.
Howard asked each of the girls a bunch of questions and said they'd go around 3 times and kick out the ''Weakest Dink'' each time around. He quickly went through easy questions like:
Howard came back from a break and Gary told him that Taylor was really upset that they brought up some of the things they brought up. She actually left crying. She got upset that Artie kept bringing up the anal thing and apparently she's tried to reinvent herself since the last time she was on the show 4 years ago. Howard also had to plug some of the web sites he didn't mention including Vivid.com, ClubJenna.com and SavannaSamson.com
In the clip Robin was reading some news and read a story about Mikey Mantle's liver problems. Robin said he's had a history of problems with his liver and she had some audio of some doctors talking about his condition. That led to Howard and Billy West goofing around with the story. Howard said the liver is so fragile and your fun is always interrupted by something.
Robin said Mickey has severe stomach pain now. Fred played some Jackie laughs when she read that. Howard said Jackie's liver is fine even with all of the drinking he does. Robin said that she had some audio of Mikey, from an older interview, talking about his problems. Howard had Fred throw in some fart sounds while he was talking. Howard said the guy claims that he doesn't know he was an alcoholic even though he was drinking like 50 beers a day. He said Jackie must be right about cold gold making you old. Fred played Jackie's ''Cold Gold'' song and Billy did his Jackie voice. Howard sang along to the song.
Robin read through a few more notes about Mickey and wrapped up with that story. Fred kept Jackie's music playing during the story. Howard said he imagines that Jackie will be in the hospital in about 6 years with the same announcement as Mickey. Howard and Billy did their impressions of Jackie saying that no one told him he was going to have problems. They went to break a short time later.
The Tony Awards And More OJ Simpson Interview Tape. 06/07/04. 9:45am
Howard played a few other clips from the Tony Awards and goofed on some of the dopey speeches people were making. He then played some tape of an OJ Simpson interview Katie Couric did with him. Howard and the guys goofed on OJ a bit about all of the stuff he was saying in the interview which was took place on the 10th anniversary of his ex-wife's murder. Howard played a few minutes of that interview but he had a lot more to get to. He didn't have time to play it all so he had Robin get to her news.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:50am.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 11:35am.