|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about his new microphone. He said he got one but didn't ask for one. He said it has a metal prongs on it and it's going to take out and eye. Scott said they found a problem with the other one. He said it kept shutting off and it crapped out completely last week. Scott said this one is much heavier so that's why it has the cage on it. He said that they can't take that off. Howard said he doesn't want to get near it. He said it's going to take his eye out. Scott said he can see that.
Howard asked how someone can work with that. Scott said this is the one they used to use at K-Rock. Howard told him to find something that isn't dangerous. Scott said okay. Howard said they should look out for him a little bit. He said they know what he's talking about. Scott said the old one died and another one had problems too.
Howard said Scott looks so sad. He said it's like looking at that Walter Mitty guy in that play. Robin said she's not sure who he's talking about. Howard said it's Death of a Salesman. Fred said that's Walter Loman. Benjy said it's The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Howard said he's thinking of the Walter Loman.
Howard said he should write a play called Death of an Engineer. Howard asked Scott if he would star in it. Scott said sure. Howard asked if he's crying. Scott said he's sweating but not crying. Howard said it would be pretty much like Death of a Salesman except it would have Scott in it. Fred did his Scott impression and Howard got in on that too. Howard said he thinks he could write it and it would be a hit play. Robin said she'd see it.
Howard said he'd have a bunch of Scott stories in the play. He said he'd have him going bowling after 9/11. He said he'd tell his wife he's going bowling and his wife would yell at him that it was 9/11. Howard said then Scott would stay home with his family and have his one day ruined. Robin said the funny thing is that his wife told him to leave and his bowling buddies failed to call him.
Howard said Ronnie has a lot of hair on his arms and he has tattoos on them. He said he shows them off with muscle shirts. Howard said it's the greatest. He said his arms have no definition and you can tell he's never worked out. Howard said he has these black stains on his arm and they turn out to be the tattoos. Howard said they're not placed well.
Howard asked Ronnie why he wears the sleeveless shirts. Ronnie said he was wearing a regular shirt over that. He said they had a problem with the air conditioning and he took his shirt off. He said JD had to do the same thing. Howard said Ronnie's arms look like he was hit with a baseball bat and they're black and blue. Ronnie thanked them for that. Robin was goofing on him too and said that they look like they're running down his arm.
Howard told Ronnie that he's like Ronnie Rickles out there on stage. Ronnie said he had a great time and they got a great reaction from the fans. He said Rhode Island was insane. He said they were the best audience ever. He said they had a blast out there. He said he thinks it's because no one from the show has been out there in a while.
Howard had some audio of Ronnie working the crowd at one of the shows. Ronnie said they were all sweating their cocks off in there. Howard said this is a nightmare. He played more audio and JD came out with Ronnie and they were talking about the hot chicks out there. Then he starts goofing on one hot chick's boyfriend. Howard said at least Lisa G served cupcakes at her party. Ronnie just insults the fans. He played more of the audio and Ronnie went off on the guy for wearing shorts. Howard said that's coming from the guy who had a muscle shirt on with no muscles.
Howard asked Ronnie if he works out at all. Ronnie said he hasn't had time to do anything with the flying around they've been doing.
Howard played more audio and Ronnie was goofing on that guy about his wardrobe and talking about how hot the chick was. Ronnie asked how she looked naked and the guy said she looks awesome. Howard said this is the creepiest show ever. He said they should make the show free. He said they can't charge for this. Ronnie said he's not the entertainment, he's just the host, dude.
Howard did his impression of Ronnie and had him goofing on the guy and then asked what kind of beard he has. Ronnie said it's not a beard. He said it's a moustache and Chuck Zito has the same thing right now. He said he thinks Chuck looks cool. Howard asked if Chuck stole it from him. Ronnie said he doesn't think he did. He said he thinks that he's doing it for Sons of Anarchy since he's shooting that right now.
Howard and Fred did their Ronnie impressions some more and goofed on him for a minute. Howard got back to the audio from the Block Party show and played more of that. Ronnie said they might get that chick up there for some topless action. JD laughed. Howard said JD loves him up there. Howard asked if JD is better than Scott. Ronnie said he's not saying he's better than anyone. He said they just had fun.
Howard asked JD what kind of money he made. JD said he made ''two.'' He said he got an extra two after the shows. Howard said it sounds like he's getting half of what Scott got but he's got twice the personality. Ronnie said he got a lap dance from a girl in Rhode Island. Howard asked Ronnie if he made more than JD. Ronnie said he did. JD said it's his block party so he should be.
Ronnie said that JD has it all going on and that's all he's going to say. Howard asked if JD got laid. JD said he met a girl. He said that he was with her. Ronnie said she was the hottest girl you'd ever want to meet. JD said it's... I don't know. He said they do like each other. Ronnie said he met her yesterday morning. Howard asked if she's actually interested in him. JD was just laughing. Fred was doing his JD impression goofing on him a little bit.
Ronnie said you wouldn't believe it if you saw her. He said she was really hot. Howard said he read a note that they had a game they played where JD got to feel girl's asses to see if they were wearing underwear. Ronnie said it was no underwear Friday so they were making a bit out of it. JD said he was squeezing women's asses to see if they wear wearing panties. Ronnie said they had one girl who was going to show them but the club had a problem with that.
JD knew this girl before he hooked up with her. He said they had met on Twitter. JD said it was kind of a last minute thing out there too. He said that they hooked up. Robin asked if he charged her to hook up. JD said no. Ronnie said he couldn't believe how hot she was. Ronnie said she wasn't even at the show. He met her at the hotel lobby when they were leaving Rhode Island yesterday morning.
JD said he doesn't like being on stage that much and he doesn't know what to do. JD said he had the girl come to his hotel. Howard asked if he brushed his teeth. JD said he did. He said he was kind of sweaty from the show though. Howard asked how soon after she came in did he have his first kiss. JD said it was pretty short. He said that they were late getting in so he got maybe an hour of sleep. He said she came alone too. He said she didn't have a friend with her.
Howard asked JD how old she is. JD said she's slightly older than him. Howard said he's all fucking proud this morning. JD said he's just trying to move the conversation along. Ronnie said he was wide awake yesterday on the way home.
Howard said Ronnie was cutting a commercial for Howard TV and he heard the audio. Howard said he approved it of course. Howard said Benjy showed up in a horse costume. Ronnie said Benjy was sitting back there through the whole shoot and he was talking about maybe coming or not coming to the show. He said that Benjy said he would come and do some songs for like $15,000. Benjy said that's not what happened at all. Ronnie said that's what he saw.
Ronnie said Benjy was in there during the whole commercial and he's not sure why. He said Benjy said maybe he should put on the horse head and pretend that he's swimming. He asked Doug why he was in there if he wasn't coming. Then he started saying maybe he would or maybe he wouldn't. Ronnie said they don't bother him with his thing with Elisa so why bother them? He said he should have stayed out of it.
Benjy said that Sequoia, the promoter, asked him to come to the show in Jamaica. He said he had to think about it. He didn't want to commit. Benjy said he was told to name a price so he said $15,000. He said he thought about coming but he's not sure what he'd need to be paid. He also said that he would get in the commercial and do it just in case he does come.
Ronnie said it was annoying. He said they don't bother him with his stuff and he's not sure why he was in there anyway. Benjy said that it was Sequoia who said he should be in the commercial. Benjy said he was in the studio doing some work when they came in to shoot that commercial. Howard said it sounds like he's trying to get in on the commercial.
Howard said he's surprised that he's anti-Benjy. Ronnie said if he's going to do it then say you're going to do it. Howard said he has to check with his girlfriend too. Ronnie said it's always shtick. He said he asked for 15 grand and they laughed at him. He said that Benjy has to have a deal going on where it drags out and becomes a whole thing.
Ronnie told Benjy not to drag this whole thing out. He told him to say yes or no. Howard asked if Benjy has a decision today. Benjy said he wants to talk to Sequoia. He said he'd like to do it. Ronnie said he's not sure what Benjy wants to do. He said Benjy aggravates him and he knows he does.
Howard said it sounds like JD hitched himself to the right wagon. He seems to be having a good time. Howard asked JD if he's going to have this girl move in with him. JD said that would be moving too fast. He said he does like this girl though. Ronnie said that JD did say that he might keep this one around for a while. JD just laughed. He mumbled something and just said ''Whatever...''
Howard asked JD when this girl discovered she was into him. JD said he's been talking to her for a little while on Twitter. Howard asked if she sent a picture. JD said she said something to him on Twitter and then he told her to find him on Facebook. Ronnie said he did something really smart. He said she didn't come to the show. He said that she may have been a little hesitant if she had come to the show. JD said that the girls can get harassed if they're talked about at the show.
Howard asked if she's as hot as Pam Anderson. Ronnie said she's not far off. Ronnie said he only saw her for a little while but he was very impressed. He said he came out with one of his stupid comments. He said he saw her walking down the lobby and he said ''Holy shit!'' The security guard in the lobby was shocked too. Ronnie said she was really hot and she had a mini-dress on up to her crotch. Howard said she must get hit on a lot. JD said she says she doesn't. Ronnie told him not to believe that story. JD had some trouble getting that sentence out so Fred did his impression of that.
Robin asked what JD writes on Twitter. Howard said he's actually pretty good on Twitter. Ronnie said he comments on TV and movies and stuff. He said he's not sure what goes on over on Facebook. Robin asked what he writes over there. JD said he doesn't know. Robin said she's just wondering.
Howard asked if JD has spoken to her on the phone. JD said he has and he's done Facetime with her too. Howard did his impression of JD talking to her on Facetime and asked if he had her had a dog licking peanut butter off of her. JD said he didn't do that.
Howard said he heard that Ronnie got into a fight with Debbie the Pet Lady. Ronnie said he didn't fight with her. He said she had her bird and it was biting people and they were bleeding. Howard said they put the bird on Bobo and the bird was pecking at his toupee. Howard said Debbie puts the bird on everyone's shoulder and the bird was fine at first. Bobo was walking around all proud and then the bird grabs the toupee. Howard TV had the video clip and they showed the bird trying to pull it off.
JD said the bird was pooping all over the place. He said it pooped on his leg. Howard said the bird was pecking everyone because they were all poking at it and trying to touch it.
Howard played some audio of Debbie the Pet Lady yelling about America's Got Talent and how she auditioned. Howard said he heard that she was yelling at JD. JD said she thinks that he has some vendetta against her but he doesn't. In the clip Ronnie was yelling about getting the fuck out of the way. Howard said Ronnie yells the whole time at the show. He was yelling at Debbie the Pet Lady.
Howard said Ronnie is so good on stage. All he does is yell. JD said he asked what he should do on stage and Ronnie told him to just yell at the crowd because they love it. Howard asked if it's true they have a security guard for JD. Ronnie said they met this guy Vick up in Canada and he came down to do security. Ronnie said he came all the way down from Canada to do the security. Ronnie said he's a really nice dude. JD said he's really big too.
Howard played more of the audio of Debbie yelling at JD. She went off on him for talking shit about her on the Wrap Up Show. Debbie told him to repeat what he said on the show. JD said he was afraid of her. Debbie was screaming at him. Howard said JD is everyone's punching bag up there. Howard said it sounds like he went wild up there.
Robin asked what this girl JD met does for a living. JD said he doesn't want to say anything about her. He didn't want to screw anything up. He said she is from the Rhode Island area. That's all he would say. He said they're working things out. JD said they're in the stages of planning. Howard asked if he's in love. JD said he likes her a lot. He said she's very nice and very beautiful. Howard asked if she's like a model. Ronnie said she is easily model like.
Ronnie said that JD is doing much better socially. He said he comes out and hangs with the people at the meet and greet. He said that he's doing his thing and getting better. JD said he doesn't think he is but Ronnie said he's 100 percent better. JD said that some people say they love him on the show and things like that. He said they want to know something about everyone. Ronnie said they all love JD. He said he gets upset with the picture thing but he's okay. JD said he doesn't like taking pictures at all.
Ronnie and Benjy got back into it. Ronnie told Benjy to go fuck himself. Benjy said that Ronnie did that routine on Friday night. Ronnie told him not to even get involved in the block party. He told him not to worry about it. Benjy asked if he wanted a piece of this. He said he meant that as a make out thing, not as a fight.
Gary said George Takei is there. Howard said he knows and he's annoyed. Howard said his agent never says yes to any of this bullshit but he said yes to this. Howard said he thinks this is because his agent represents George as well.
Howard said George wants to talk about the Japanese internment camp thing and he doesn't know anything about it. Howard said George has some woman making a film about him and they're stopping in today. He said you know no one will see the film but they want to interview him. Howard said now he has to sign release agreements and fax stuff. Gary said that George wants to come in and chat and then he wants to leave so the woman can interview him without him there. Howard asked what she's going to ask him about. Howard said he doesn't know anything about George other than what he knows from the show. Howard said he doesn't hang out with him outside the show. Robin said they'd be better off with Richard Christy since he hangs out with George outside of the show.
Howard said this is going to be so weird. Gary said they're going to use their footage from Howard TV so they don't need another camera. Howard said that's good. He said all he needs is another bad camera angle shooting this face of his. Howard said he's the perfect guy to talk about internment camps. That's a big part of his culture.
Howard said his favorite pants shrunk. He said that someone must have put them in the dryer. He said that they look like Hulk pants now. Howard asked Gary who else is part of this movie. Gary said he doesn't know. He said that he may have the woman who played Uhura on Star Trek doing it. Howard said he has to get this over with next. He said maybe he won't bum out doing it during the show. Howard said he has to take a short break and then he'll be doing this movie thing. Howard said he's going to give all of his answers in Klingon. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he's so bummed about his pants. He said that they're John Varvatos pants and they fit great but now they've shrunk. Howard said he should be feeling comfortable in them but his belly is hanging over them. He said he guarantees someone put them in the dryer. Howard said they're all tight and he's so annoyed. Howard said the pants are so great too. He said he thinks that other people get involved in his laundry and they stick the shit in the dryer and they shrink. Howard said he can't tell if they did or not. Howard said he's trying to lose weight and he's lost a few pounds so they should fit. Howard said he feels fat and he's barely eating.
Howard said he put himself on a diet to fit into his America's Got Talent clothes. He said the show is on tonight at 9. Howard said he knows someone put the pants in the dryer or hot water or whatever. Howard said he's afraid to put his clothes in the wash because he's got so many people involved with him. He said maybe Beth made a mistake. Howard said he's not sure how this stuff gets screwed up. He said that his balls are all crunched into his pants. He said that it's good that he has a small cock. He said he wouldn't have any room for it in there if they were any bigger. He said he looks like shit now too.
Howard said he should do his laundry and hide it so no one can touch it. Robin said he should get them dry cleaned. Howard said he knows he'll ruin them if he pouts them in the wash.
Howard said now he has to have a whole meeting about his laundry. He said now Beth will think he's criticizing her but he's not. He said he's just trying to get things worked out. Howard said he has to delegate some things. He said he can't do everything. He said he just had a whole lecture with everyone. He said if he tells Beth what to do then she gets mad at him for telling her what to do. He said these were such great pants too. He said they're his go-to pants. He said that now they're tight and he feels like a chick in stretch pants.
Howard asked the woman from the documentary if she has any of that in the film. She said she has some of that in there. She said she has some intimate moments.
Howard asked what this woman's name is. George said this is Jennifer Kroot. Howard asked what they're doing. George said they're doing a documentary about the Japanese-American internment camps. Howard asked if he was part of the gay pride parade yesterday. George said he was and he was in a Boy Scout uniform. Howard asked what it is with gay men and the Boy Scouts. George said they have a rule about not having a gay or lesbian scout masters in the Scouts.
Howard asked Jennifer if she's gay or straight. She said she's straight and she has a husband. Robin asked what other documentaries she's done. She said she did one called It Came From Kuchar. Howard said he's not sure why she would make that. He said this whole thing is boring. Howard said that sounds boring too. Jennifer said that it covers taboo artists making taboo art. Howard asked if her husband is the bread winner in the family. Jennifer said she makes some money from that film. She said that her husband isn't wealthy but he has a good, stable job. She said that she's also an art teacher.
Howard asked if Jennifer makes her students watch her film. She said that is her big film and she has had her students watch it. George said that all of Howard's fans will be watching this film because he is the star.
Howard said he thinks this film will come out and people will demand that they put them back in the Japanese back in internment camps. George said he knew that Howard would keep calling it the Japanese Internment camps. He said that it was American internment camps for Japanese Americans. Howard said he doesn't have time to go through all of that when he's doing a radio show.
Howard asked George if he doesn't want to be in the room when he talks about him. George said he wants him to be free when he talks about him. Howard said he's feeling pretty free. George said that Howard knows a lot about him and he knows that he's gullible.
Howard asked if anyone else has agreed to be in this film. George said they got William Shatner to agree to be interviewed. Howard said he has a name for the film. He told him to just call it ''Star Trek VII.''
Howard saw a picture of George in his Boy Scout outfit. Howard said the woman he's with looks a bit like Benjy though. Jennifer said she was a very nice woman.
Howard said that he wants to understand this so he asked Jennifer to do the interview. He asked how much money they've put into this. Jennifer said she didn't want to say but she has gotten four grants to do it. She said that it's nowhere near a million. She said they're shooting it in HD and she's putting a lot of time and travel into it. Howard said she must not have spent more than $15,000 on it. She said it's a bit more than that but not a lot.
Howard asked when the film will be done. Jennifer said she's worked on it for 2 years so far and she thinks it'll be done in about a year. Howard said he'll participate even though he doesn't think that anyone will ever see it.
Jennifer asked Howard if he thought George was gay back in 1990 when he interviewed him for the first time and George denied being gay. Howard said George is delusional. He said that it was laughable and he was in the closet back then. George said he thought he was a great actor. Howard said that was part of the fun of having George on the show in 1990.
Jennifer asked Howard about George being asked to be the announcer on the show and if he had him on because he came out of the closet. Howard said George became more approachable and more human when he came out. He said he felt he was more comfortable in his own skin. He said that coming in as an openly gay man was a great ting for him. Howard said now he knows more about George's sex life than anyone should know.
Howard said George has no governor on his speech. He said that he has talked about everything and gotten in trouble over it. Howard said most people in Hollywood are very closeted. He said it's not even about being gay, it's about everything. He said George is very open though.
Jennifer asked if he thinks that George is being an activist by coming on the show. Howard said that George becomes very likable when he's on the show and he may be opening up the minds of some people who don't like gay people. He said that George is very likable and it might open some people's eyes.
Howard said that it wasn't easy for George to come out and he understands why he had to live a closeted life. He said he feels bad about that but he understands his decision.
Howard asked Jennifer if she had seen George's feet. She said she has actually. The Howard TV guys showed some video of his feet and Howard made them turn it off before he threw up.
Jennifer asked if it was true that Howard and Beth waited for it to be legal for gays to marry in California before they got married. Howard said that's not true. He told her not to tell George that but it's not true. George said that Howard got them a very nice Angora blanket for their wedding.
Howard asked if this interview is almost over. Jennifer said she's almost done. She said that she has crossed some stuff off the list.
Jennifer said that George has said that Howard revived his career. Howard said he thinks that he's the most open and honest and warm human being. He said that no one gets more positives than anyone else on the show. Howard said George gets more positive stuff than he does on his own show. Howard said George is great on the show and he's a great part of the family. He said it was a natural and a slam dunk. He said that it wasn't genius on his part but he's glad if he re-introduced him to America in some way.
Howard said George got a call from the Governor of California on two occasions and he had some very involved conversations. Unfortunately it was a comedian doing an impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard said that George is very gullible and he has no idea that this documentary is a prank that she's been carrying off for 2 years. Howard said Jennifer is an actress they hired and he just doesn't get it. George laughed. Howard said she's actually a stripper from Rick's Cabaret. George said that Howard is going to ask her to get topless now. Howard asked her to take her bra off. She said she'll think about it when she returns to promote the film.
Jennifer asked Howard about when George and William Shatner got into a feud. Howard said he takes the side of the person who is in the studio. He said that if George is there he'll take his side. Howard said he'll take Shatner's side when he's in the studio. Jennifer said she's on Team Takei. Howard said he is too as long as they're in the studio.
Jennifer asked Howard if he believes that George sent Bill Shatner a wedding invitation. Howard said no one cares about these two and of course he believes it. Jennifer said they get tons and tons of hits on the internet over it. Howard said the Star Trek nerds have nothing better to do. George said he doesn't even take it seriously at all.
Howard said George is just sitting back and waiting for the other Star Trek guys to drop dead. He said he moves up a notch when Leonard Nimoy drops dead. Jennifer said that George has over a million Facebook followers and Shatner only has like 100,000.
Jennifer said that Howard had William Shatner into the homo room many years ago but Howard has never brought George there. Howard said he would happily do that but he doesn't know why he never did that.
Howard asked Jennifer if she's almost done. She said she is. Jennifer asked where they sampled that original ''Oh my'' from. Howard said he's not sure. Fred wasn't sure either. George said he thinks it was from his 1991 interview. Howard said it could be but he's not sure. George said that Howard was the one who made it his signature too. Howard said they did play it quite a bit.
Howard said that George is great because of his voice and his enunciation. Howard said that his Spanish is great and all of that. Jennifer said he does pick up on language things very quickly.
Jennifer asked Howard if he will watch George's play ''Allegiance.'' Howard said he'd rather have nails put in his head. George said he will show up with nails in his head.
Jennifer asked Howard if he knows about when George was in the Internment camps. Howard said he knows George was a little boy but didn't know the exact age. George said he was 9 when he got out.
Jennifer said she was done. George thanked Howard for being a part of it. Howard asked what she has to do now. She said she has another 6 months on and off shooting the film. She said that she will be editing for about 6 months after that.
George said they're going to open the play in San Diego in September. He said that next spring they'll be in New York but they don't have a date or a theater yet. George said they don't know what will be available.
Howard said it would be great if this documentary was 2 years long since it's taken 2 years to film it. Robin said that it sounds like George is bringing his play to New York even though they don't want it. George said people do want it there in New York. Howard said this has been a pleasure. He said he loves seeing George. He said this was wonderful and George looks fabulous. George thanked Howard for doing this since he doesn't usually do this. Jennifer thanked him as well.
Howard said he thinks that they've had enough of this nonsense. George said that he thinks Howard will like this film. Howard asked Jennifer if she came up with the idea for this film. She said she did and she wrote a letter to George and Brad about what she wanted to do. Howard said he's going to wish them luck and get to something interesting now. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
After the break Howard came right back and mentioned the Beth on Fallon thing again. Howard said that she may run off with Charlie Sheen. Howard said that would be terrible if she did that. Howard said she might become one of his goddesses.
Howard said he has a bunch of tape to play. He said he saw the movie ''Rock of Ages'' and it was weird. He said he read a review in Rolling Stone and it was one of the worst movies ever but it's fun to watch. Howard said the girl in the movie, Julianne Hough, is flat as an actress. He said the lead guy is flat too. He said he's not even sure what his name is. Howard said Tom Cruise is in it and he's like an Axl Rose kind of guy. Howard said it has to be one of the worst movies ever made but he watched the whole thing and loved it. Howard said he thinks that Robin would enjoy it. Robin said she wanted to go see it just to see what it is.
Howard said he watched the movie with Beth and her friend and they liked it. Howard said the music was good and it's all hits from the 80s. Robin said she heard there was too much Foreigner music. Howard said there was only one Foreigner song. He said he's been listening to the new Smashing Pumpkins album and he's really liking that.
Howard said he Billy Gibbons covered the Fleetwood Mac song ''Oh Well.'' He said he thought that was pretty cool. Howard played the song for Robin and said he thought it was pretty cool. He said he likes that heavy ZZ Top kind of music. He said you don't hear that much these days.
Howard asked Robin if she saw that Justin Bieber special on NBC. Robin said she didn't see that. Howard said he saw that Ralph was watching it and he tuned in and it was unwatchable. Howard said it was basically this kid posing. He said it's maddening. Howard said they show the kid being groomed and ushered around to various venues. Howard said you can tell the kid is just a putz. He said he heard the ratings were horrible for it too. Robin said maybe it's almost over for him. Howard said the special was like watching an 18 year old trying to act like he's a normal kid. He said that he fainted at one point and fell down some steps. He said he thought he was dead. Fred said that may have been after he ran into a pole in Paris.
Howard said Justin's music isn't all that great either. He said no one really rocks anymore... except for Billy Gibbons. Howard played more of his cover of ''Oh Well.'' Howard said he liked the song. He said that Rolling Stone recommended the song. Robin said they have pictures of Britney Spears in the magazine but they recommend that music. Howard said they had a great article about Rachel Maddow in the magazine too. He said that they show a picture of her from high school that's great.
Howard said that Sal and Richard called a radio show called Caribbean Classroom. He played the clip and the show takes a call and Richard talked about racial profiling and how he was profiled. He said he's light skinned and he had his bicycle shorts on and they knew he was African American because of the 19 inch Johnson. They hung up on him after he got in a more descriptive explanation of what it looked like. They took another call and this time it was Sal thanking them for hanging up on that other guy. Sal said he was jacking off to the host's face and asked him to turn sideways so he could see his profile. They hung up on him and took another call. It was Richard again. Richard said the phone cord was wrapped around his African American mule. Sal called in and asked him to piss on him please. They hung up quickly. Robin said she felt bad for them when she knew that it was going to be them calling in again.
Howard asked Robin if she sleeps with her cats. Robin said no. Howard said he doesn't want to either. He said Beth can sleep right through it and it's no big deal for her.
Howard said he did a shoot for North Shore Animal League last week. He said a family adopted a black dog and a lot of black dogs aren't adopted. Howard said black cats are the same but because people are superstitious. Howard said this family, the Feeney's, adopted this dog. He said that the father is a fire fighter. Howard said the dog they adopted jumped into the bed with one of the little daughters. He was barking at her and the family was concerned. It turns out the dog was waking them up because there was a fire in the house. Howard said this dog is fantastic. He said the poor dog was locked up in a cage. He said he took some pictures and they may use them in an ad. Howard said the dog saved their lives. He said he thought it was a great story.
Howard said that both of Robin's cats got into his lap when he visited her. Howard said that he's an animal whisperer. Robin said he's definitely a cat whisperer.
Howard said he has to go to Newark to tomorrow. He said they have to tape him about his thoughts on the contestants before they do the live shows. Howard said he thinks that AGT is new Monday-Wednesday at 9. Howard said he's never seen a show like this that's on at so many different times. Jon Hein said that he is right about them being on at 9. He said the Olympic trials are on before that. Jon said he thinks that they will promote the hell out of the show during the Olympic trials. Howard said he doesn't understand what they're doing with the show. He said no one explains it to him.
Jon said this is the first time they've done this with the times. He said he thinks it's the Olympics now but they run the show a lot all over the place. Howard said you don't know when you're supposed to tune in though. Jon said they'll do the live shows at a regular time. Jon said that they've got a hit and they're going to milk it for all it's worth.
Howard said they have a week off next week but he has to go back into the city to do the live shows at AGT. Howard said he has a bunch of DVDs to watch to remind himself of who is in the show. Howard said he's been taking notes. He said he should be ready for this taping in Newark tomorrow. Howard said Jason Raff told him that he went to Newark the other day and it took him an hour and a half to get there from New York City. Howard said he can't believe they got a theater in Newark. Howard said the first live show is on July 2nd. You can try to get tickets from MyAGTTickets.com
Robin said she saw Jon's show on at a strange time. Jon said they ran a marathon yesterday. He said they moved his show to a new day and time too. Howard said they did that to Beth too. He said they moved it to 7:30 from 8:30 and she wasn't sure why she was out promoting it if they're just going to move it. Jon said they moved his show to Wednesday nights at 10. Robin said Jon isn't being authentic on that show because he's getting so many extras on his food. Jon said he did explain that he was going to open up for the show and try that stuff. Jon said it kind of broadened his horizons. Robin said it was funny seeing John trying to flip a burger. Jon said he was kind of pathetic.
Howard said that he was told that they'd be doing the AGT live shows at 8 but now they're on at 9. He said he's going there, doing the show at 8 and that's it. He said he's not going on at 9 on a Tuesday night. He has to work on Wednesday. Jon said he heard that they're doing a 2 hour show too. Howard said he has to do a radio show the next morning. Howard said he won't get home until 12:30 at night. Howard said he told them that he can't do that. He said he has to quit the show. Jon said he remembers seeing that the Tuesday show was supposed to be 8-10 and Wednesday from 9-10. Howard said maybe they want him to quit. He said he's not sure what they're doing over there. Howard said that's not what they told him. Jon said he'll double check.
Gary told Howard that next week, when they are off, Howard will be doing a 2 hour show but from then on he'll be off at 10.
Howard said Gary's voice is really annoying today. He goofed on him for a short time. Howard said Gange sounds a lot like Gary but he doesn't do anything to get that voice.
Howard said Jim Breuer is there so they'll talk to him next. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Jim Breuer come in. Jim said he heard Howard going nuts earlier about not doing that show. Howard asked Jim how he's doing with his 5 year plan. Jim said he's on about year 3.5. He said that he had a plan to sell out Carnegie Hall after a couple of years. He said he's going around doing comedy again and he's realized that it's building tremendously. He said there's huge momentum and the tsunami is building. He said he's about to film a new special and he's hoping in another year he won't have to promote anything. He just wants to come in and hang out.
Howard said he heard that he's on a 15 year plan now. Jim said it's more like 18. Howard said he knows that Jim has a lot of temptation on the road but he's very loyal to his wife. Howard said a lot of guys drink out on the road too. Jim said a lot of comics are funny when they get wasted with their friends and they use that material on stage. He said they think they need that to be creative and funny. He said that's a bad crutch. Jim said when you get in the spotlight you need that all the time. Howard said it can help loosen you up.
Jim said he went through some phases. He said his mission to get on TV was to be like the white Eddie Murphy. Howard said he is like Eddie Murphy with the impressions and all of that. Howard asked if he's into women's feet. Jim laughed. Jim jokingly said in his next special he's going to come out in red leather.
Jim said that when he started out he was living it up. He said he was in Miami and he was partying his nuts off. Howard asked if he was banging a lot of chicks. Jim said he was doing alright. He said he was drinking and partying and some chicks took him to a bar. He said this chick started taking her shirt off in front of him. He said he was going crazy thinking that she was going to get raped. He said a couple of guys grabbed him and pulled him off. Then she took her pants off and he tried to help her. What he didn't realize is that he was in a strip club. He said he was so wasted he had no clue. He said that night he woke up to himself vomiting in his sleep. He said he said to himself that he had to stop drinking. Howard said he could have choked on his own vomit. Jim said he couldn't believe how stupid he was. He said it wasn't his first time.
Jim said that all led up to comedy gigs and Saturday Night Live. He said he realize he hated Hollywood and the Hollywood yo-yos. He said that he got on SNL and it was all phony people. Jim said you see certain entertainers who come in and you realize it's one big circus.
Howard asked Jim about who he met that threw things off for him. Jim said he got to meet baseball players and he would see things that would just turn him off. He said he just recently started watching baseball again because of what he saw years ago. He said that he saw one of the guys out at a club and his wife was pregnant and smoking pot and drinking. He said that the guy struck out a few times the next day. He said it was just disappointing. Jim said that turned him off to society in general. He said that it's like professional wrestling.
Howard asked Jim if he hates comedy again. Jim said he doesn't. Jim said he got back on the road and started drinking and smoking some pot once in a while. He said that he wanted to be the popular guy with the bartenders and staff. Jim said he has a family and he has to think about them. He said in 2008 he had to lock down and do stand-up. He said that he's going all over the world now. Jim said it's weird when he goes to Belgium and Australia. He said that people know the stories that they've heard on Howard's show all over the world. He said they're streaming his show everywhere.
Jim said in other countries they don't do shows like they do here in the States. He said that they have a host and then a middle here. He said in Australia they tell you to walk out and introduce yourself if you want to. Jim did an impression of an Australian guy telling him what he can do on stage. Jim said you have to do a full hour down there so you have to have material. Howard asked if he's ready to get off the road now. Jim said he wants to film this special, Mid-Life Meds, and then he'll do some more touring. He said he might do a Walmart deal with the DVD. He said that's what he'd like to do. He said Comedy Central has an interesting deal for him too.
Jim said Howard's fan base blows him away. He said that people will ask him why he went to satellite because no one is listening. Jim said there is such a huge amount of people who do listen. He said he has people telling him they love him on Howard and he's not that big a part of the show. Howard said he might not have the same size audience but they say that 60 percent of the people who listen to satellite listen to his channels. Howard said that could be around the 10 million mark if you count the people listening in cars. Howard said that's pretty damn great and he doesn't have to worry about the FCC.
Jim said he's had actors and producers come up to him. He said Howard told him to watch what happens after he was on the show. He said he didn't know what that meant until people started coming up to him telling him how much they like him on the show.
Howard said Jim is doing a movie called ''School Dance'' and Nick Cannon is directing it. Jim said he plays a cop in the film and he's in the whole movie. He said Nick knows what he's doing too. Howard said the guy doesn't have any energy. He said he's going to end up killing himself working so much.
Jim said Nick is a great guy. He said he met him on this show called the Uptown Comedy Club. He said they shot it in Harlem and he loves it up there. He said that they love him there. He said he would go there to hide if he ever had to do that. He said he knows they'd protect him there. Jim said he had to take a short cut through Harlem once and he had a guy slap his window asking for an autograph.
Howard asked Jim where this movie is going to end up. Jim said he knows they have a lot of cameos in the movie. He said Nick has Lions Gate behind him for the film. It's low budget but it's a real film.
Howard said that Jim is going to be doing this comedy special and he'll be shooting it at the Tarrytown Music Hall in Tarrytown, New York on July 14th.
Howard said he read that Jim thought that Jack Black was gay. Jim said he has this thing he does and he can't even explain it. He said Jack has something in his eye. He said he swore that he was gay and he was hoping that he'd bring that out during his interview. Jim said that Jack supports the gay community big time too. Howard said he does too. Jim said there are two supporting. He said there are some that don't get into the parade. He said he supports the gays but he doesn't go to the parades. He said Jack would do that. He said he was hoping Howard would bring that up. He said Howard did bring it up and Jack explained it all to him when he said he had it in his family. He said he realized he has someone close in his family. He said he doesn't care if Jack is gay or not but he swore that he was.
Howard asked Jim what's going on with his dad now. Jim didn't sound happy. Howard said Jim's dad is sick and he had to move him out after he caught his mom punching him in the face. Jim said there was some hitting. He said he was kidding about breaking them up when he was on the show. He said that the day he talked about that with Howard one of the nurses called and told him that they had to get him out of the house. Jim said that his mom was taking cheap shots at him because he was an easy target. Howard said that's so sad. Jim said he put his mom in independent living and she's thrived. Howard said that he has to pay for that. Jim said he does. Howard asked what that costs him. Jim said it's like $2,800 a month. Jim said she's become a new woman though.
Jim did his impression of his mom talking about the people that she gets to hang out with now. Jim said he thinks that there might be something going on. He said the STDs spread like crazy with the seniors from what he's heard. He said his mom is blind in one eye and she's 85 years old. He said that he's not sure if she's going that far with guys but some guy moved in the day she did and she mentions him a lot. He said that she'll tell him about this guy Jerry not knowing how to use the microwave and dishwasher. He said he doesn't want to know if she is doing something. He said they have a group that eats dinner together.
Howard said most people would have left them together to fight it out. Howard asked if his dad has Dementia. Jim said that's what they say. He said they say that Alzheimer's is worse. Jim said he'll ask his dad if he wants spaghetti for dinner and he won't know that it's 5 in the evening. He said he thinks it's 5 in the morning and he's asking if he wants it for breakfast.
Jim said that he has nurses for his dad now. He said they put him on the toilet two times a day. He said his movements will light up the whole first floor of the house. He said his dad never says when he has to go. He said that it's like having a baby. He said that he has a walker he uses and he can help him get into the bathroom. He said his dad will start pissing like a little baby as soon as you take his pants off. He said he did that a couple of weeks ago and he pissed on his shoulder. Howard said he's a really good son.
Jim said Howard is going to like this story. He said that they had a nurse who told him that his dad was still capable and he was still very ''alert'' in the morning. He said she'd tell him he'd wake up with a hard on in the morning. He said that the nurse told him that his sheets were wet too. She was telling him that he was dropping loads in the bed. Jim said that his wife didn't want to hear about that so she told the nurse not to tell them those stories.
Jim said they thought she was lining up a lawsuit thing there. He said that one day the nurse came up and said she was going to put him on the toilet. Jim said we're like chimps. He said you can see when his dad his horny. He said that chimps rock back and forth and his dad does that in his wheelchair. He said he's like a chimp. Jim said he gets this look on his face when he looks at the nurse. Jim said that they put his dad in the toilet and they light up candles for the smell. He said that the nurse told them that he was ''very excited'' when she put him in the bathroom. Jim said that she left him in there for 15 minutes and then came back. She came back up and said that he was having a heart attack. Jim said he went down and his father's eyes were in the back of his head and it smells horrifying in the bathroom. He said his dad's head was on fire from the candle under his head.
Jim said he looks and he sees that he's going. He thought his dad was dying on the toilet. He said he started telling him he's the greatest dad ever and he's going to see his brothers in heaven and all of that. Jim said he was thinking he was going to get the guest room back. Jim said that 9-1-1 was on the way. He said they know all of the emergency guys because they've visited so often. He said his dad would joke with them about being pregnant when they'd show up.
Jim said the emergency crew shows up and they come in and say that they found what the problem is. You look on his leg and you see the DNA work on his leg. Jim said that he played with his yo-yo and put himself into a coma. Jim said he jerked off and put himself into a coma. He said that it's like that joke that Richard Pryor did where he says ''he came and went at the same time.'' Howard said that he sent himself into nirvana at 89 years old. Howard asked if it's the black nurse that he likes. Jim said he loves black chicks. This one was Columbian though. Jim said his dad loves black women and he'll try to get them to touch his cock by grabbing their hands.
Jim said the guys from the emergency crew told him that they got a call for a stroke victim once and they said it wasn't the usual ''stroke'' victim.
Howard asked Jim if he's really thinking about taking his dad on the road with him. Jim said he is. Howard said he really is a good man but he must be nuts thinking about doing that. Jim said that's all we have at the end of our lives.
Howard said Jim is an amazing man. He said he's going to be doing a show on July 14th and taping it for his special. Howard said you can find out more at JimBreuer.com
Jim asked Howard about doing America's Got Talent. Howard said he enjoys it when he's there doing it. Howard said the kids love it too. Howard said he was at a nail salon and a 70 year old woman came up to him and said she loves him on the show. He said she said that her grandchildren love him too. Howard said they don't know him from the radio show. They know him as the judge on AGT.
Jim said he jokes around with Nick Cannon about AGT. Howard said Nick deserves some kind of Emmy for his work on that show. He said he thinks he does a great job on the show. Howard said Howie is a great guy too. Jim said all three of them are great. Howard said he loves Sharon too and they have a fun job. Jim said they look phenomenal. He said his 13 year old and 10 year olds watch the show and they wonder who Howard is. He said that's Howard Stern.
Howard wrapped up and gave Jim some more plugs for his big show. He said he gets that it's about to explode. Jim said he just has to bust his balls. He said there are guys who are funny and sell out shows all the time. He said guys like Jim Gaffigan do that. He said they work hard. Howard went to break a short time later.
They spent a short time talking about Howard's AGT schedule. Howard said he's not sure he'll be able to stay awake for those late nights. Robin said she thinks that he's the main spark for the show. Howard said he certainly thinks he is.
Howard said Eric the Actor did another AGT Wrap Up Show but he'll save that for tomorrow's show. He said he'll play a teaser right now. Howard played a clip of Eric talking about AGT all by himself. He got rid of his co-host. In the clip Eric went over what they did on last week's AGT. Howard said it was only 20 seconds of audio but it felt like an hour.
Howard said you think Eric is insufferable but Bill Maher had Kirk Douglas on his show. Howard said he gets that you don't want to discard old people like Jim Breuer was saying. He said that it's very difficult to listen to Kirk Douglas on TV. Howard played some audio of that interview and Kirk was very hard to understand. He was explaining things and it's sad to hear. Howard said Bill sat there being polite and you know TVs are turning off. Robin said it actually made her watch. Howard laughed.
Robin said a lot of Hollywood guys disappear at a certain time. She said you never see Gene Hackman or Sean Connery anymore. She said that Kirk Douglas should have disappeared too. Howard played more of the audio of Kirk talking and it was almost impossible to understand what he was saying. Robin said the audience would laugh when he'd look for laughs. She said it was like a courtesy laugh.
Howard played more of Eric's audio and then played some of the Kirk Douglas audio. He went back and forth with that a little bit. Robin had to interpret some of the Kirk Douglas stuff for Howard. Howard said he thinks that Kirk came out after Dick Clark died. He said that he must have thought we needed to see a stroke victim. Howard said he feels good on one hand that he's still out there. Robin said it's one thing to do it with your family but it's another to go on TV.
Howard played a Jack and Rod Show bit that Sal and Richard did with a couple of authors. They had Crackhead Bob talking to them as if he was Kirk Douglas. They had Bob saying that he likes her tits and pussy and they thought he was saying ''poetry.'' Howard said it's even painful to listen to that. He cut it a bit short before the authors got angry and hung up.
Howard played more of Eric the Actor's AGT review. Eric talked about some of the stuff he caught on last week's show. Howard wondered if anyone is listening to that whole show of his. Robin said no.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the Jim Breuer interview was great but he has to ask about the bomb scare he did once. Howard said Jim has told them about that.
Howard took another call from Mark in Boston who asked about the AGT tapings and if he has any additional stuff he has to tape. Howard said he has to do some tomorrow actually. Howard said it's not too much pre-production though. Mark asked if he's got any rituals he does before the show. Howard said he doesn't talk much before the show. He said he doesn't want to get tired and wear out his voice. Howard said he tries to stay healthy and all of that. Mark also told Howard to check out the show ''Wilfred'' because it's like that movie ''Ted'' that he mentioned during a commercial. Howard said he's not sure if he'll check that out or not.
Howard took a call from Debbie the Pet Lady who said that it wasn't right what he did to her this morning. She started screaming at him and hung up on him after giving him a big ''fuck you!'' Howard laughed and asked Robin what she had in the news.
Robin said that Ann Curry is going to be out at the Today show. Robin said they are going to pay her $10 million to make her go away. Howard said he knew that was going to happen. He said that they ruined her career too. He said it's all over and she can take that $10 million and retire. Robin said Ann is still working and pretending that everything is okay. Robin said they say that the race is on to see who will replace her. Howard said it's weird that she's being shoved out but they're letting her stay on for now. Howard said he thinks that NBC made out good with Matt Lauer. He said that they got him cheap. He said they bring in something like $300 million a year so they can afford to pay him. Howard said he thinks they should keep Ann there for another month.
Robin said that Jerry Sandusky was found guilty of 45 of 48 counts of child molestation. Robin said it took the jury 21 hours to come out with the verdict. Robin said they say he will probably spend the rest of his life in jail. Robin said that they say that his step-son was molested while growing up in that house too. Robin and Howard spent a little time talking about the details of that case and what was supposedly going on there. Howard said you can only hope Sandusky dies a horrible, painful death. Robin said the college could end up with a lot of civil suits now that this case is over. Howard said usually he'd think that you don't know what's going on with everyone that works there but he thinks they were informed about what was going on and they did nothing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's a 23 year old black male and he's wondering if Howard likes thin, white women. Howard said he likes all women. He said he likes them thin though. The caller said he thinks that Beth is very shapely. He asked if Howard has ever asked her to lose weight. Howard said you never tell your wife she should lose weight. Even if she's 700 pounds. Howard said she has to lose weight for herself. Howard said he would never tell Beth she has to lose weight. Howard said he thinks she has a great body. The caller asked if he's happy with the curves she has. Howard said he loves her body. Howard asked if he's a slow adult or something. He said he's not. The caller asked why he doesn't like rap music. Howard said he doesn't hate it all. He said he likes Eminem and some other songs that have been out over the years. He said the music in general just isn't for him. Howard said he's 58 years old and rap just eludes him. He said they don't sound like musicians to him. Howard said he hates country music too. He said Willie Nelson and Dolly Parton but most people just can't make it in the regular music world and they go to Country. The caller said Fuck King of All Blacks and Fuck SternFanNetwork too. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said he does enjoy some rap music. He said he liked that song about real niggas not caring about the period. Howard played some of that song. Howard didn't know the name of the guy who sang that. Sal came in and told him it's Young Real Nigga. Howard thanked him for that and then read a live commercial.
Robin read a story about Leroy Neiman dying. Robin said that he painted a portrait of Howard. Howard said he didn't sit for him but Mel Karmazin commissioned him to paint that painting. He said he still has that hanging in his home. Howard said Leroy didn't get a lot of credit in the art world. Howard said the guy made a fortune though. He said not a lot of artists make a lot of money like that. He said he would run into Leroy on the street and he had some trouble seeing in the last few years. Howard said Leroy would always say hi to him and he's not even sure if he knew who he was. Robin said he was 91 years old. Howard said his painting would be worth a lot more if he got more respect in the art world. Howard said that painting reminds him of the times on terrestrial radio and the times when Mel was still talking to him.
Robin read a story about the Mike Tyson one man show coming to Broadway. Robin said that he'll be setting the record straight about his life. Howard said he might have to go see that.
Howard mentioned that they have a Sybian ride gallery on HowardStern.com. He said they have pictures of Octomom and other women who have ridden it.
Robin read a story about Amare Stoudemire using the word ''faggot'' in response to something he didn't like and he had to apologize for doing that. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Alex Trebek having a heart attack over the weekend. Robin said they say it was a mild heart attack. Robin said they think that he'll recover in time for the new season of Jeopardy. Howard said he likes the guy with the moustache. He said it seemed to work for him. Robin said that Alex is 71 years old. Howard said he heard that his dream job was to host Hollywood Squares. Robin said they say that he may end his career on Jeopardy after his 2 year contract is up.
Howard said he heard about this new Windows tablet and it was freezing during the demonstration. Howard asked if someone gets fired after something like that. Robin said that's typical of Microsoft. Howard said it's like they're cursed. Robin said she heard that Google wants to come out with something to compete with the iPad.
Robin asked Howard if he thinks that people who believe in Heaven are more or less likely to commit a crime. Howard said he'd say more likely. Robin said that he's right. Howard said he meets a lot of people who are religious and they have no morals. He said it's a really weird thing. Howard said the more religious they are the cheaper they are and it's the exact opposite of what you'd expect. Howard said they all seem angry. Robin said they hate you if you don't believe what they believe too.
Robin read a story about how Spain has asked for a bank bail out. Robin said that they're looking for $150 billion. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about this Fast and Furious gun running thing that the government was doing. Robin said what they wanted to do was trace the guns that were being sold but they lost the people they were trying to track.
Robin read a story about Curt Schilling losing $50 million of his own money after investing in a video game company. Robin said they say that many athletes go bankrupt doing that. Howard said it's so stupid. He said that you just take the 50 million and live your life and live the American dream. Robin said that this was his own idea to start this game company. Howard said he has guys who invest money for him and they ask him what he wants to do and he doesn't want to do anything. Howard said he's just glad he was able to make a living.
Robin had some audio of Mayor Bloomberg talking about why he's banning 16 ounce and larger soft drinks in New York City. Howard said people are such morons. Robin said he says you can still buy soda and as much as you want. You just can't buy one larger than 16 ounces at once.
Robin read a story about Rielle Hunter and how she didn't bring in big ratings. Robin said that 20/20 was beat out by Dateline the night they had her on.
Robin read about Justin Bieber and how David Letterman didn't really seem to have much respect for him the night he was on. Robin said that Letterman told him not to keep getting tattoos because he wouldn't want to be like the Sistine Chapel. Bieber said ''... the sixteenth chapel'' when he responded to Dave.
Robin read about the movie ''Brave'' being number one at the box office this weekend. Robin said they say it was very well reviewed and Pixar has a plan of putting out one movie a year and it seems to be working.
Robin said that the new Adam Sandler movie didn't even make it into the top 5. Robin said the Abraham Lincoln movie didn't do well either. Howard said he knew it wouldn't. He said he wasn't even excited about that one. Robin said that one didn't turn her on either. Robin went over some other box office numbers. Robin said that Rock of Ages disappeared from the top 5 too. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon went over some of the other stuff that they'll get to today. Jon said he wanted to start off with the block party. He said there was a lot going on with that. He said it's a mess and that's why people go. He said that Ronnie sounded envious of JD.
Gary came in so Jon talked to him about his voice. Gary said he went for a run yesterday and he was fine but it started to bother him last night. Gary said this morning it was like it is now. Jason said it's funny because just last night Fred had sent out an email about how good he was doing with the throat clearing thing. Jon asked Gary if he doesn't want him to go to him a lot today. Gary said he'll be fine.
Jon got back to the block party and wondered if people like to see the mess that it is. Gary said he wouldn't pay to see it but he knows that the fans aren't let down when they go to see it. Jason said he would pay to go see it if he was a fan.
Jason said he doesn't think that Ronnie is a particularly good emcee but he has perfected screaming and yelling into a thing and it's working for him. Jon said he has his catch phrases and stuff going on too.
Jon said that Ronnie seemed like a proud dad when he talked about JD and the girl he got. Gary said he heard that JD worked there Thursday into Friday and then he went to do the gig. He didn't think he showered at all in those couple of days. JD said they didn't do the show until Saturday night so he showered before the gig.
Jon asked JD about the way Ronnie was beaming over him. JD didn't have a lot to say about that. JD said the girl is very nice and beautiful. He said with all of the past experiences he doesn't really care to talk about any of it until something is uh... we're talking.
Gary asked JD if she's got a regular job. JD said it's very regular. He said it's in the education business. Jon asked if it was set up before he went up there. JD said it was kind of a last minute thing. He said something got canceled so she was staying in that area. He said he's not sure if there's a future there or not. He said he'll see.
Benjy asked if he brought up that he'd be talking about it on the air. JD said of course it did. Jon asked Benjy about what was going on with him and Ronnie and how Ronnie feels like he's working his way into that thing. Benjy said he took offense to that. Jon asked JD if he disagrees. JD said he thinks that Ronnie doesn't want that shtick involved in the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that no one wants Benjy there. The caller said he was out in Arizona at the block party and they were thinking about going to this Jamaican party but they don't need Benjy there. He said no one wants him there. Benjy said if this caller met him he'd be excited and he knows he's bullshitting right now.
Jon quickly moved on and took another call. The caller said he was at the show in Bohemia, New York. He said they had a lot of fun. He said the highlight was Eli Braden doing his acoustic parodies. Jon asked JD what his highlight was. JD said it was really hot there with no air conditioning. He said Sal ended up making a guest appearance there. He said he and Ronnie were on stage doing their thing and then they hear music come on and Sal barrels up and does a couple of minutes of material. Then he gets off and hangs out at the bar for the rest of the first show and the whole second show. He said he wasn't staying quiet there either. JD said Sal was a little wasted.
Jon asked JD if he knew that Sal was going to come. JD said he didn't know he was coming. He said he had two CDs with his music on them. Jon said that Sal has to get down there so he can explain himself. Jon went to break a short time later.
Ronnie said Sal's not invited to anymore of these things from now on. Sal said that it wasn't him saying this. He said he did his thing and interrupted the show with some music and then he got on stage and did his song parody. He said he had to stop it in the middle of the song because there were no monitors there. He said he did one more song parody and that was it. He said he didn't want to get paid for it and it was great to see the fans. He said he hung out at the bar the whole night. Sal said Brian Phelan was even more crazy than he was and he was licking people's elbows by the end of the night.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks that ''Ronnie Rickles'' is a fair name to call him. Ronnie said he's fine with that. He said Rickles is a great man so why not.
Jon said that Ronnie was very proud of JD for getting that hot girl. Ronnie said he didn't expect what he saw. He said she was dressed to the 10s and she looked like a 9. Gary thought he meant to say ''She was dressed to the nines but she looked like a 10.'' Ronnie said that's not what he meant. JD was laughing.
Jon asked Ronnie why he was so upset with Benjy today. Ronnie said he likes Benjy as a person but he doesn't like the shtick. He said he could have just had a yes or no answer. Benjy said he was asked on the spot on camera and he said repeatedly that he had to find out some details. He said he didn't want to say yes or no on the spot. Ronnie asked why he couldn't just say yes or no.
Gary asked Ronnie if he wanted to go see a baseball game with him. Ronnie said that he can't go if it's a Tuesday night. Gary said that he might have to check with his girlfriend if it wasn't a Tuesday. Ronnie said he can make decisions quickly and he's not sure what's so hard about that.
Jon asked if the block party is closed to other people. Ronnie said it's not. He said Sequoia has invited a lot of people to go. He said that Scott turned it down. He said that they asked him to do part of the commercial for them and he said he didn't want to go. He said Scott quit so that's it. Gary said it's not free if you have to do a commercial. He said he wouldn't be relaxing on the trip.
Jon asked if JD is going. JD said he is. Jon said he thought that he didn't like traveling. Ronnie said that Sal is going too. Gary asked if Sal is married in Jamaica. Sal said he is and he may bring his wife with him. She said maybe. Benjy said she can't make a decision either. Ronnie said that Tracey is going and maybe Jason and Will.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was at the block party on Saturday. He said that he had a good time at the show and he thought it was worth it. He said he found it hard to believe how many people wanted to meet JD and Ronnie. JD said he's surprised too. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Jon said he felt that Jennifer did a good job moving it along. Gary said she had 3 pages of questions to ask and he told her that she couldn't ask all 3 pages.
Jon asked if he thinks that George got what he wanted. Gary said he thinks he did. Ronnie said he heard George call Brad after the interview and he was talking about how great it went. He said he's never seen him do that before.
Jon asked if George would have fallen for the joke that this was a 2 year long prank. Gary said that 2 years is a long time to pull a prank so he's not sure if it would work or not.
Sal said that George is great and he got a big hug from him today. Jon asked Sal if he thinks that he and George are as unfiltered as the other. Sal said he might be but then said he might not be. Sal said he just contradicted himself in the same sentence. Sal said he might be just as unfiltered.
Jon asked the guys about Jim Breuer and that led to Gary asking Sal if he would take his dad in. Sal said that he's not sure that his wife would put up with that. He said his wife won't let strangers use the bathroom. He said she's turned people away who have done work for them.
Sal said he took care of his grandfather when he was sick. He said that his Grandfather had to have him take out his tool to help him take a leak. He said he had to hold his cock for him when he had to take a leak. Sal said he thinks he has a shot to get into heaven because of that. Jon said you have to do what you have to do for family. Sal said it felt like a German Shepard's paw that was shaved down and he was only 17 years old at the time. He said his grandfather asked him to shake it off too so he had to do that. Sal said he shook it off and put his penis back and and never went back. Sal said he thinks that his dad was doing that for a long time and he never told him about it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's a doctor and he's heard them talk medical stuff before. He said he'd like to clear the fiction from the fact. He said Gary's throat clearing has made him want to reach out and give him an alternative theory. He said he deals with reflux disease... Gary cut him off and said that he was tested and that's not the issue. The guy said that he has his number so if they need any medical questions answered they can call.
Sal said he has phlegm once in a while and he can suppress it with his uvula. Sal said he has a way of doing it and he has some good throat tricks. Jon said ''And with that we'll wrap up the Wrap Up Show.'' They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about last night's America's Got Talent. Howard said he's disturbed that so many people didn't know it was on last night. He said Gary didn't even know. He said he must not listen to the show. Howard said he told him that in his hoarse voice of his. Robin said they talked about it during the show yesterday. Howard said he's never seen a show like this. He said they don't put the show on at different times and he's not sure what's going on.
Howard said he wrote to Jason Raff about the time changes and even he doesn't understand what's going on. He said they put it on at 9 last night and he's not sure how people know that it's on. Howard said he thought the show was good last night.
Robin said that she was disappointed in the judges. She also said that there were a lot of mistakes being made by the contestants. Howard said they do kind of run out of steam once they get out there. Robin said she was surprised to see how many people choked. Howard said they have two more nights of this and there are people who do well. He said some people really come through.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his true judging colors came through last night. He said it was great and phenomenal. Howard said he didn't want to be in that judging room for 12 hours so he just said he wanted to get rid of people. Robin said that Howie wanted to put that opera guy through and Howard didn't want to do that. Howard said he can't be edited when the live shows start. He said that will be really good. He said he and Howie get into arguments all the time but they're healthy ones.
The caller said he disagrees with Howard about the bow and arrow guy. Howard said he thought he was great and so was the woman with him. Howard said the whole act was great. He said that it doesn't matter what the fans think.
Howard said he's going nuts that the show doesn't have a time slot. He said you just have to tune in all week to find it on. Robin said one problem is that they're in the Olympic season. Robin said they have to fit it in with the Olympics.
Howard said he has to call out Nick and Sharon on this. He said he and Howie are the only ones tweeting out about when the show is on. He said Nick and Sharon don't bother. Howard said Nick has like 17 million followers and he doesn't tweet about AGT. He said he has to ask him about that. He wants to know what's up with that. He said Nick is posting about something called the Health Hustle or something like that. He said it's just about Nick boxing and getting into shape. He said it's not bad but he never sees an AGT post. He said Sharon doesn't either. He said she has a whole social media company and she's not doing it. He said it's her show too.
Howard took a call from a woman who said the show was great last night and she had to watch it twice. She said Howie was getting on her nerves though. She said he was going against Howard on a bunch of things and it seemed like he was just doing it to do it.
The caller said that she thought the dance group from Puerto Rico was really good even with the one mistake they made. Howard said he thought they were great too. He said he did throw one girl right out of there. He said he found her insulting. He said she didn't take it seriously. He said he's not going to put up with that.
Robin said she was wondering about the bike group that made the mistake. She said they were amazing. Howard said he felt that the mistakes added to their intensity. He said it shows how dangerous it is. He said Howie and Sharon agreed. He said they cut that out in editing. Howard said everyone will see what's going on there when they get to the live shows.
The caller said Howard was such a hard ass last night. She said they were much more serious last night. Howard said he preferred Vegas over all of the other nonsense. She said they come out like a real audition and you tell them what you really think. He said it's a lot of fun but it's intense too. He said by Wednesday night it'll be really intense.
Howard said there were some people they put right through and before the showed that on the show there were people going off on him on Twitter. He said that they can fuck with people there in the theater. He said it's so much fun to fuck with people.
The caller asked about Howard going off on the crowd telling them that they had to perform or they'd be going home. Howard said that was like a 7 minute long rant telling them what they had to do. He said he felt he may have gone on too long. The caller said she'd love to see a behind the scenes kind of thing. Howard said they do have a special show coming up soon but he's not sure when they're going to air it.
The caller said they have AGT on almost every day of the night but they repeat the shows a lot. Robin said the one act she questioned was putting Horse in the group of people who are highly skilled. Howard said he doesn't want to give away anything but he's a huge fan of Horse. Howard said his audition was hysterical out there. Howard said they were beating the shit out of him out there. He said he's a lot funnier in his underwear. He said he said that last night. Howard said he thinks that NBC told him that he had to wear his pants. Howard said they felt you could see the outline of his penis too much.
The caller asked Howard about doing a show like America's Got Danger and have acts like that on it. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said they have to pick a winner. He let the caller go a short time later.
Robin said they do have a lot of skilled people on the show and it didn't seem like Horse should be in there. Howard said they do show that stuff out of order so he may not be in that group.
Robin said the opera kid choked last night and she was in shock. Howard said he was too. He said that was supposed to be his Susan Boyle.
Jon Hein came in and asked if they asked Howard not to react at all to some of the acts. Howard said they were fucking with people. He said they'd have a fantastic performance and he'd ask who chose the song for them and mess with them. He said he hopes they show some of that tonight and tomorrow. Howard said that Howie and Sharon did it too and they were really messing with people's minds.
Jason said the Vegas shows are great but they do have to cut them down a lot. Howard said that speech he made to the stand by crowd was like 7 minutes long. Jason said it was more like 24 minutes. Howard said he also says ''I'' a lot and leaves Howie and Sharon out of it. Howard said it's his show, face it.
Howard said the opera kid really bombed. He said that the Joyner kid was a disaster too. Jason said that it's the pressure. He said there are people throwing up back stage. Howard said that they had fun fucking with people too. Jason said that Howie will point stuff out and make it seem like he saw what happened and mess with them too.
Howard asked Jason why Nick doesn't tweet. Jason said he would like to see him tweeting too. He said he thinks that Sharon isn't allowed to tweet on her own. Howard said she has a woman with her who does her tweets for her. Jason said he doesn't think that Sharon watches the show like Howard does. Howard said he doesn't believe that.
Howard said Nick has a ton of followers and he should be telling them about AGT. He said this Health Hustle thing isn't paying him. He said he'll ask Nick during the live show. Howard said he's also going to ask where Mariah Carrey is at. Howard said he's the host and he's trying to get this kid an Emmy. Howard said he has to hustle to get that Emmy.
Howard asked if there's any talk of Mariah coming on the show this season. Jason said they had her on once and that was it. He said they are in New York now so maybe something will happen.
Howard asked Jason if they got upset with Ronnie staging the fight in the hall back stage. Jason said he knew they were just screwing around. He said he remembers Howard coming out and getting upset.
Howard asked if he's the biggest pain in the ass on the show this year. Jason said that it was a pleasure this year for him. He said that he's listened to Howard for years so he knows what it's like to get him his food and stuff like that. Howard asked if people talk about him behind his back. Jason said that really doesn't happen. He said that Piers and David Hasselhoff usually just went off by themselves. He said they have 3 different personalities. He said Nick is usually working or in his dressing room so he's easy too.
Howard asked if he's got the biggest entourage. Jason said Howard does have a few more than Sharon. Howard said he usually kicks his guys out of his room. Jason said they're usually in the halls. Howard said he just tells them to go do their thing and they hang in the hall.
Jason said that they had a few people who said they didn't think Howard would be good on the show and wondered what they were doing. He said after the first taping in Los Angeles they changed their minds. He said everyone was speculating on what would happen. Howard said every person at NBC was there for that first taping. He said he thought that they thought he was just insane. Howard said he'll start acting insane when they get to the live shows.
Jason said he thinks Howard got stronger as they went on and the staff realized just how great Howard is. Howard asked if people hate that they have to do the show in Newark. Jason said they had a staff of about 280 out in California and they brought about 80 of them out here. He said that some people might be upset about that. Jason told Howard that he has a dressing room that's really nice. He said he'll be seeing that today.
Howard said he just wants the room and a pillow. He said he'd like some nuts handsome fruit too. Jason said Howard is pretty easy. He said Sharon is the one who asks for more. He said she has candles and a bathrobe. Howard said his room looks like a prison cell compared to her. Jason said they got some baby wipes for him too. Howard said he hasn't had to shit yet.
Howard asked about how getting that special car lane for him from New York to Newark is going. Jason said Ronnie is working on that. He said they could fly him in on a helicopter too. Howard said he'd rather not die in a helicopter flying to AGT.
Howard asked when the show is going to air with the live shows. Jason said the first show is 9-11. That's next week on the 2nd. Jason said he came in today to see what it's like getting up early. He said Howard only has to do this for 9 weeks. He said the theater holds 2,000 people. He said it should be interesting. Howard said you can get tickets at MyAGTTickets.com.
Howard asked if he is the most punctual out of the judges. Jason said that everyone has been good and things have been very smooth. Howard said he heard that Christina Aguilera shows up 2 hours late. Howard said he'd kill her if she did that to him. Howard said he'd tell her to clear the shit out of her brain and get there on time. Howard said that's nonsense.
Howard said he made it clear from the beginning to be on time and they have been. Jason said that it does take the mood down a bit with the audience if someone shows up late.
Jason asked if Robin is going to come out. Robin said she's going to try. She said she'd like to see the show in Newark. Jason said it's not that easy getting a show in Manhattan. Howard said they could have gotten something. Jason said they looked at 80 places all around the city. Howard said they could have found something.
Jason said Howard will like the theater in Newark. Howard said they have to have a pillow on the side for him. He said he's going to be extra grumpy during those shows.
Howard said he asked Jason to send him copies of all 48 contestants so he can take notes. He said he wants to tell these people how to win. He said he's going to coach them on live TV. He said they have to step up and perform.
Howard said he's going to tell people that they're going to be thrown out in the first week. Jason said that only 4 acts make it through in the first round.
Howard asked Jason who the best judge is on the show this year. Jason said they all add something. Howard said he can say Howie or Sharon. Jason said it's the chemistry of the three. Howard said he agrees. He said he loves those two. Howard said he loves those two and he enjoys them.
Howard asked Jason to do a Sophie's Choice with him, Sharon and Howie. Jason said he'd have to save Howard because he has been listening to him since he was a kid. He said he's like a dad to him. Howard asked how old he is. Jason said he's 45. Howard said he's not like his dad, he's more like an older brother.
Howard asked Jason if he got his dog out there. Jason said the dog is elderly and it's with his wife. Howard said Beth heard about the dog and she told him he had to do something. Jason said he's sorry he brought it up because Beth is so nice and she wanted to help so much.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked Jason to do an F, Marry, Kill with the AGT judges. Jason said he'd fuck Sharon so he can end it there. the caller asked Howard who he has in his entourage. Howard said he has like 5 people. He said he has Ronnie, Ralph, Toni and a couple of others. The caller also said she has Howard TV and she wondered if Howard knew he was going to be on AGT when he had the women from The Talk on. Howard said he doesn't remember the timeline with that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Beth looked really good on Jimmy Fallon last night. Howard said she did some good promotion for AGT. The caller asked if she said say anything about being on with Charlie Sheen. Howard said he doesn't think Beth saw him back stage. The caller asked if he's going to be on the show at all this week or next. Howard said he thinks that Charlie has a problem with them. He said that Charlie is a strange guy.
Howard had some audio of Charlie doing an interview with someone and saying that he wasn't high during those ''winning'' rants. Howard said he sounds normal there but then he changes and turns wacky again. Howard played the audio and Charlie was saying that he doesn't believe in rehab anymore. He said it's happy hour somewhere in the world right now. Howard got a laugh out of that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his favorite part of the show last night was when the cut to Howard making a face when that Joyner chick sang a bad note. Howard said it's tough in that room because it's so quiet. Jason said that even a pro might screw it up in that room.
The caller said that the judges on that show are all great. He said they're better than any other judges out there. Howard said he agrees. He said he can't think of a better judge out there. Howard said he thinks that Adam Levine does good on The Voice though.
Howard said he thinks he's the best judge though. Jason said there should be an Emmy for best judge. He said that's a category that they should add. Howard said he thinks he could win.
Howard asked Jason if anyone ever comes on to him to try and get on the show. Jason said that has never happened. Howard said that's pathetic. Jason said he's rarely alone with anyone. He said there are always many people in the room.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she is even more in love with Howard. She said that she was so hooked on the show last night. She said that she gets so emotional when Nick talks to the people in the back. She started to get wound up so Howard cut her off and hung up. Jason said he heard she's going to be at every show. He said he can give her a box there at the theater. Howard said he has to make sure she gets into all 18 of the shows. Jason said he's not kidding around. He's going to give her a box and it'll be her box. Howard said that she deserves that. Jason said she's so nice and kind.
Howard said that Mariann mentioned the Playlist show they ran on Howard 101 last night. He said it's a great show and they're going to do more of them. Howard said they didn't run any promos for it last night. Howard said he asked Gary why he didn't get a note about it. Gary said he heard that Tim decided yesterday to put it on. Howard said they're treating that like NBC does with AGT. Howard said he sees the work that Jason does and they have 280 people working on the show. Howard said to just pop it on at a random time is insanity. He said he thinks they've gone crazy over there at NBC.
Howard said Fred did the show last night and he talks about songs that are his favorites and plays the song. Fred said it's songs that have meaning to you. Howard said he thought Fred was fantastic on the show. Robin said she can't wait to hear this show. Fred said he'll try to burn her a CD. Howard asked if they'll re-air that one. Gary said it will be on Friday at 10am. Howard said he'll have to get up to hear that. Howard said the show was terrific. He said he's not just saying that because he's afraid of Fred.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who asked if they have to sigh waivers on the show in case they hurt someone. Jason said that's a good idea. Howard asked if that crossbow guy had killed the woman he had with him, what would happen. Jason said that they did have a mishap during rehearsal when the arrow went into the set. He said there are times when you think something could happen that would end your career. Howard said it would be fantastic if they had someone die on the set.
Howard asked Jason if they're going to show what happened to Tim Poe on the show. Jason said he will be in the show. He said they will see what happens to him. Howard said he thinks they should. Robin said she didn't think he was that good to get through. Howard said he won't say what happens with him. Jason said they'll show what happens.
Speech said that some of the bike acts looked too busy. Howard told him not to worry. He said that people agree with him and he will guide the fans through the voting too. Speech said the guy and the crossbow had that hot blonde with him and she was hot. Howard said he doesn't look at any of the women on the show like that. Jason said Howard had to sign a waiver about not fraternizing with the contestants.
Howard asked what will happen if he goes over with his time on the live shows. Jason said they have an ear piece in his ear and they'll tell him when he's out of time. He said he has about 30 seconds. He said Piers used to do about a minute 20 so there is a bit of competition with the judges. He said they'll work it out. Howard said he'll try to keep it brief.
Howard asked what he will hear in his ear when he goes over. Jason said he'll try not to talk to him when he's talking but he may tell him he's out of time. Howard said he may pull the ear piece out. If you see that on the love shows you'll know why. Howard wrapped up with Jason and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back laughing in the middle of that prank call. Howard said that's a scary proposition to put an add in the paper for an apartment. Howard that Fred is playing Black Magic woman. He said he ran into Carlos Santana but he didn't seem like he was much of a fan when he saw him. He said the guy seems kind of angry. He said maybe he's angry that he can't sing his own songs.
Howard said Debbie the Pet Lady is there and he has an opportunity for her to win some money. He said she's been in the green room throwing up. He said she's literally throwing up out there. Howard said she could win up to $3,000. He said he doesn't think she has a lot of money and this could mean something. He said today is her day but now she's curled up in a ball and he's not sure if she's even coming in.
Howard said this isn't going to be an easy contest. He said she may not be able to handle it. Will brought Debbie in and Howard asked if she's sick. She said she is. Howard asked if she has a virus. She started to gag as soon as she came in. She said she has a bad stomach. Howard asked if she was drinking. She said she doesn't drink. Debbie told Howard that she's had a lot of operations in her life and she gets a stomach thing from that.
Howard asked Debbie not to throw up in there. Will was moving her around and Howard was getting pissed. He told him to just leave her. Then she was belching and Howard was getting grossed out. Howard was cracking up. Debbie said he was making her embarrassed there.
Howard asked if she can do the contest. Debbie said she can do it. Howard said he has some money for her but she has to listen. Howard said she has said that she needs some money and she's never had a chance to win. Howard said he's not sure she'll be able to do this. Howard said to win the money she has to control herself. Howard said she could win up to $3,000 if she can do what they ask her to do. Howard said this is in honor of the new TV show ''Anger Management'' with Charlie Sheen. Debbie was cracking up thinking about what she might have to do to win that money.
Howard asked Debbie if she wants to do the topless thing. Debbie freaked out saying that Howard has the thing she sent him on his desk. She started screaming and then quieted down and said she was sorry.
Howard said what they're going to do today is have Ass Napkin Ed come in. Debbie started yelling at him. She said she won't get made. She said today is a nice day and she wants to win the money. Howard said they'll bring Ed in there and Debbie hates Ed. She said she'll hate him until the day he drops off the face of the Earth. She said that he's a lying fat fuck. She was screaming at him when he came in.
Ed and Debbie yelled at each other for a minute and Howard said he wanted to play the game now. Debbie wasn't listening. They were both just yelling at each other. Howard told Ed to stop for a minute but Debbie kept going off on him. Howard said he knows that Ed and Debbie have a history. They started yelling again. Howard had to ask them to take Ed out of there. Howard told them they have to hear the rules. He said they can both win money if they just listen to the rules.
Howard told Debbie to listen to the rules. Howard said he has $3,000 to win. Debbie said she's going to win if she can just calm down and listen. She wouldn't stop going off on Ed. Howard said he's going to take away the game. Debbie yelled ''No!'' a bunch of times.
Howard told them that the contest was over and they'd calm down for about two seconds. Howard said that for every 30 seconds that Debbie can remain calm while Ed talks to her she gets $500. Howard said if she doesn't stay calm then Ed gets all of the money. Howard said she has to do this for 3 minutes and she'll get the money. Debbie went off on Ed within seconds.
Howard said they're going to try this now. Howard said Debbie is about to puke. Ed said she was throwing up cum. Debbie went off on him and Howard said the contest is over. Howard said Ed can win the full 3 grand if he can get her riled up.
Howard started the contest and Debbie was going off on Ed already. Howard told the guys to start the clock but Debbie didn't understand the rules. Howard said that what Ed has to do is try and get Debbie mad. Howard said if he can do that then he wins the 3 grand. Howard said if he gets her angry then he gets the money. Ed didn't seem to get it. Howard asked Ed if he was ready. Ed was trying to show Howard something.
Howard told Ed to start the contest. Ed went off on Debbie and told her to go jump off a ledge and kill that bird of her's. Debbie was staying silent. Ed said that she abuses her bird and she has cats and dogs. Debbie started breathing heavy and Ed continued to talk crap about Debbie. Debbie was starting to growl. She was moaning as Ed talked about how loose she is in her pussy. He said his girlfriend is nice and tight. Ed said that she has a big fucking mouth and that means she has a big pussy. Debbie still stayed quiet. Ed said he guarantees that she was a bitch in prison and she ain't shit. Debbie was still silent except for a belch now and then and the growling.
Howard asked Ed if he had anything else to say about Debbie. Ed said that she can suck his dick and eat his asshole. He said she abuses her birds and doesn't feed them. He said she can also suck his mother fucking cock sucking dick. Howard said Debbie has almost made it 3 minutes. She hit that 3 minute mark and went off on Ed screaming at him. Debbie and Ed just kept arguing and yelling no matter what Howard tried to say. Debbie said that Ed is a piece of shit and she hates him. Howard said she just won $3,000. Debbie said that Ed is a scum sucking piece of shit. Howard said Ed gets $500 just for playing the game today. Debbie was still screaming, panting and belching. She said she was getting sick now. Ed said she's throwing up cum.
Howard thanked Ed for playing Anger Management with them. They took Ed out of there. Debbie started to cry saying that she looks like shit today. Howard said she looks fabulous. Howard asked what the hardest moment was for her during the game. She said she wanted to just go off on him but she needs that money. Debbie said that she's going to buy her son a TV and she's going to get a pool for the summer. She said she'll buy him a computer and maybe a summer vacation. Howard said she's up to about $45,000 now. Debbie got all excited and screamed about how she just won. Then she quieted down and said she was sorry again.
Howard said Debbie proved herself today and he's proud of her. He said she was able to control her anger and she proved it can be done. Howard said he has to give her a big round of applause. Debbie said she's sorry she's sick today.
Howard said he hears that her new boyfriend is Medicated Pete. Debbie said he was supposed to take her out but he said he was scared of her. Debbie said she thinks he's a cute guy but she won't just have sex with him. She said she would go on a date. She said she hasn't had sex in a long time. She said no one wants to go out with her. Howard wrapped up and congratulated Debbie for the win. Howard told her not to blow all of her money in one place. Howard said Anger Management debuts on June 28th on FX. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked if Fred had that song ''Mother'' on his Playlist show last night. Fred said he did not. Howard said Fred had a song from Keb Mo on his show last night. Fred said he did and he's not all that well known. Howard said that's what he would do if he did that Playlist show. Howard said he'd have to come up with a song like that. Howard said they want everyone to do one of those Playlist shows but he doesn't have that many great songs.
Fred said Steve Brandano said Howard actually had some great stories. Howard asked if he spoke to Steve about that. Steve came in and said that he used stories that Howard talked about on air to come up with the Playlist thing.
Steve said when they first came there and did a music special they talked to everyone about their favorite performances and they had some really good stories from them. Howard said he'll do a Playlist. Steve said they're doing one with Gary next. Howard said Gary has a lot of music stories. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Gary and went on and on about a song with Gary giving way too many details.
Howard said they have to play that song that makes Gary cry. No one could remember which song it was. Howard was still doing his Gary impression and goofing on him about how long he goes on and on telling a story. Howard and Fred were going back and forth with their impressions making the story go on forever. They had him giving details that no one would care about.
Gary came in and asked what happened. He said he went to talk to Maroon 5 and he came out to this. Howard told Gary to get his voice back before doing the Playlist show. Gary said he will. Howard explained what they were doing and how they were coming up with what Gary would be talking about in the Playlist show. Gary told Howard that he should just do it and he won't be part of it. Howard said he thinks he and Fred could do it.
Gary said he can't wait to hear the Buzzy Linhart song on Howard's Playlist. Howard said it's a great song. Gary said it's only great to Howard. Howard did his Gary impression some more and asked what artists he's going to have in his special. He and Fred came up with some on their own. Gary told Howard some of the songs he'd have in there but Howard and Fred were still doing their impressions.
Gary said that they have a Howard TV special coming up about his day and in it they have Fred showing how to do his impression of him. He said it's actually very funny.
Howard said Debbie is still out in the hall yelling. He said Adam Levine is coming in. Fred did his Gary impression and said it's a little known fact that there was no Maroon 1, 2, 3 or 4. Howard asked what that Maroon 5 is all about. Gary said he has no idea.
Howard said Maroon 5 is coming in to do a cover of ''Yesterday.'' Gary said he heard them rehearsing and they sounded amazing. Fred and Howard were still doing their Gary impressions. Howard said Fred's Playlist will air again on Friday morning at 10am on Howard 101. Howard said it's a lot of fun to hang with Fred and hear his music.
Howard said that Joey Boots had a heart attack so he has to wish him a get well soon. Robin sounded shocked when she heard the news.
Howard said there was a story in the news about a guy running around the city in an Elmo costume and he got arrested for yelling out Anti-Semitic stuff. Howard said he saw the video of the guy doing it and it reminds him of Santa Claus. Howard said that kids would run up to the Elmo and he'd start acting out and the parents would still let the kids run up to him. Howard said it's not okay to let your kids run up to someone in an Elmo costume. Howard played some audio of the guy in the Elmo costume going off on the Jews. People had their kids around the guy and the Elmo guy was saying ''John Gotti says hello!'' and things like that.
Howard said Gene Simmons announced there's a new KISS book coming out that's going to cost over $3,000. Howard said they just keep going with the KISS merchandise. Howard said the whole band must get a cut of that.
Howard said he has a whole bunch of calls to take. He said he has a clip of Ronnie on the Wrap Up Show saying ''dressed to the tens'' instead of ''dressed to the nines.'' He said that Gary tried to correct him on it. Howard played the clip and Ronnie was talking about how this girl was dressed to the tens and looked like a 9. Gary said he thinks he meant dressed to the nines and looked like a 10. Ronnie said that's not what he was trying to say.
Howard said that Little Mikey wrote a song parody about AGT not being on at the same time every week. Howard played that song and he said he says it all in that song. Robin said she likes it when he writes about other things.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she saw Coldplay last night and she thought it was the best show because she thought about the interview Howard did with Chris Martin. Howard said it can be better when you get to know someone in an interview.
The caller asked if Howard has ever had his opinion changed about someone after doing an interview with someone. Howard said Sly from Sly and the Family Stone came in wasted many years ago and he was blown away when he met him. He said he always liked Lady Gaga but when she came in and sang so well it amped it up a few notches. The caller said she loved the Billy Corgan interview too. She said that she also liked that Playlist show Fred did. Howard said they'll have someone new every few weeks doing that show.
Bobo called in and said that Beth looked amazing in that dress she had on last night on Fallon. Howard said he thinks she looked great too. Bobo said she was great on Fallon. Bobo asked what show he gets to go to for the AGT live shows. Jason Raff was in Gary's office and said they'll get back to Bobo today about what shows he wants to go to. Bobo said he'd like to go to the first show. He said he'll go to every show he can get. Bobo asked for a king box to go along with Mariann. Howard asked Jason to get Bobo in on the first or second show.
Howard said they have a lot of stuff to talk to Adam Levine about today. He said he has to take a break and then get to him. He said he has to find out about the model chick that broke up with him. He said he heard that Adam went out and banged her best friend. Howard said he did that to a girl when he was a kid. He said he had that girl who didn't want to sleep with him so he banged two of her friends. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had the band Maroon 5 sitting in the studio. Howard said that Scott the Engineer came in to help them out and he really puts them in a Rock and Roll mood. Robin said Scott has the demeanor for a mortuary. Adam said he was very soothed by him actually. Adam said he likes the tone of his voice.
Howard said Adam didn't bring the guys in last time. He had his girlfriend with him. Adam said he was waiting for this. He said the appearance broke them up. Howard said that he was professing his love for his girlfriend. Adam said this is still a fresh wound for him. Howard asked if he's still in love with her. Adam said he has to take it easy on him with that. He said their new album, Overexposed, is coming out today and it's still fresh.
Howard said that TV show has to be great for Maroon 5. Adam said it is. He said they have a new generation of kids listening to their music. Howard said this is the way to get new music out there. Adam said they actually did AGT one time. He said The Voice has changed things for them. Adam said it was a risk but it worked for them.
Howard asked Adam about the show Duets and if that tanked. Adam said he didn't see it but it sounds like a weird idea. Howard said it was convoluted.
Howard asked Adam if he thought The Voice would be as big of a hit as it was. Adam said it was a hit in Holland and he liked the show. He said he was thinking that it could be a blemish on his whole career if it didn't work. He said the potential was there though. He said they were just kind of sitting there as a band but they took the shot. He said they weren't going up or down at the time but they were just sitting there.
Howard said that Christina Aguilera was dead in the water before she got on the show. Howard said Adam did that song ''Moves like Jagger'' with her. Adam said the song was intended for a woman. He said he heard the song and someone turned it down and he wondered if it was too crazy for him to do. He said he knew it was going to be a polarizing song. He said people were either going to hate it or love it. Adam said he was behind the song and he had to sell it to the guys in the band. He said the label didn't want them to release it. One of the guys in the band said he was against The Voice. Howard said you can become overly cautious at times. Howard said he can see how that song would be scary though.
Adam and the guys were talking about how it was a little poppy and it's weird to play live. Howard asked if Christina is even in the song. Adam said she is in the bridge. Howard said he's never heard her in the song.
Howard asked Adam about working with Christina. Adam said they had a rough start but they've found their stride. He said he loves her. He said they are so fine now. Howard said he helped her career with that song. Howard said Jason from AGT is there today. Adam said that he watched last night and they are mean to the contestants. He said they're really positive on his show. Adam said they just point out mistakes on AGT. He told Howard that on AGT people just stop performing and no one ever does that on their show.
Robin told Adam he should have seen the time Howard made the 7 year old cry. Howard asked Adam if he saw that one. Adam said he didn't but he'd love to. Adam said he thinks he's honest on his show. Howard said he thinks he's good as a judge on that show.
Howard said Christina Aguilera did something wrong. He said that she would show up 2 hours late. Adam said that she hasn't done that in a long time. He said it did irritate them in the beginning but she hasn't done that lately. Adam said the beginning of the show was a mess. He said it is what it is and it's all in the past.
Howard said he knows what it's like and he'd be pissed. Howard said she gets more money than Adam too. Adam said she's been around a long time and she's a huge presence in the music business. He said he understands why she gets paid more and he doesn't care. Howard asked Adam if he can go in and renegotiate. Adam said he doesn't now. He said he did get a bump in pay but he didn't compare it to her's. Howard said he thinks Adam is the star of the show. Robin said he should get more money. Adam said he gets paid a ton of money and he's super happy. He said that they've all clicked over the past few weeks. He said he thinks that they're indispensable as a unit now.
Howard said that Adam picked ''99 Problems But A Bitch Ain't One'' and Christina took it personally. Adam said he got mad but not at her. Howard said he heard he called her a cunt back stage. Adam said that is not true. He said he never did that. Howard asked the other guys if it was true. They said they weren't there.
Adam said he got mad at the show for not wanting him to say the word ''bitch'' but then Hall and Oates was on and they sang ''Bitch'' and he got pissed about that. He said that it's a big part of the song.
Howard said the guys were in the green room and they were fighting over the song ''Yesterday'' that they're covering today. They were arguing over the way the song goes and the guitar player. It turned out that Adam was right. Adam said that he just has to accept that he was right this time. James was saying that Adam did the song on The Voice and he did it differently. He figured that was the way they were going to do it on Howard's show. Adam said he's back peddling a little bit now. He said that he was arguing differently earlier. Howard said this is what happens in the band. Adam said that James bet him $100 that he had it wrong.
Howard said they have a new keyboard player in the band because they kicked the other guy out. Adam said that's not true. He said the old keyboard player wanted out and he left. Howard asked if it had to do with the band's direction. James said that he wanted a break for a long time. Adam said he knew him from the age of 12 and he's been doing this for 18 years of his life. He said he's been dedicated to it 100 percent of the time. Adam said he wrote hit songs with him and he has gotten interested in doing other things. Adam said he just wanted to do something else. Adam said he wanted to go live a different life. He said he thinks it was hard on him being on the road all this time. He said he's still friends with him and he just spoke to him last night. He said PJ has taken over and he's not going anywhere even if Jesse comes back.
Howard asked if PJ gets paid like the old keyboardist. PJ said he isn't really a member of the band so he gets paid differently. Howard asked if he wants to become a masseuse like Jesse. PJ laughed and said no. Adam said that Jesse is a strange kid but he loves the guy. He said that he's going to be a millionaire masseuse.
Howard said the guys chose the song ''Yesterday'' to cover today. He said he'll play something off their new album too. Howard said ''Yesterday'' is one of his favorite Beatles songs. He said he does a great version of it himself. He won't be performing today though. Howard asked Adam if this is one of his favorite songs too. Adam said he loves the song and he loves doing something different on the show. He said the Beatles are his favorite band of all time too.
Howard said that The Beatles put out a lot of songs that weren't commercial songs. He said that Maroon 5 is doing the same thing. Adam said if you don't take risks then what's the point? He said that they have to take risks with songs.
Howard had the guys perform the song a short time later. Howard said it was Adam, PJ and James covering ''Yesterday.''
After the song Howard said that was beautiful. Robin agreed. Howard said he loves when they harmonize. Howard said he wanted to be that guy in a band that could do that. Howard said PJ goes pretty high. Howard had them do part of the song where they were harmonizing. Howard said he'd love to be able to go out and do that. Adam said he could do it. They gave him some instruction and Howard tried it. Adam said that didn't work but they could work on it.
Howard asked Adam about his girlfriend again. He said she was the hottest girl he's ever seen. The guys said that she was pretty hot. Howard asked Adam if he's really broken up over it. He said he can't get too attached to a woman. He said he started dating her friend almost immediately. Adam said it's not like he wasn't expecting this to happen. Howard said he was in love with Anne Vyalitsyna. Adam said he's not going to get into it. He said they had issues and most of it had to do with the fact that they hardly ever saw each other. He said distance kills. He said they're both very busy and they hardly saw each other and they got to the point that they were miserable all the time. He said he wasn't able to be with her and that was the killer.
Howard said that some people say absence makes the heart grow fonder but it can make it grow colder. That's what his mom used to say.
Adam said it's a sad thing and it sucks. He said that Anne wasn't able to go out on the road with him because she works. He said that it was a shitty reality to come to and they didn't really want to break up. He said she travels internationally more than he does. Howard asked if he asked her to stay with him instead of traveling and working so much. Adam said he would never do that. He said she gets a lot of work and you can't model forever. He said he would never discourage anyone from working.
Howard asked Adam if he's angry at all. Adam said there was no bad break up. It was just a sad reality they had to come to. Robin asked if he's really dating her model friend. Adam said he's not getting into that and she's not really friends with her.
The Howard TV guys put up a picture of the new girlfriend. Adam said his lips are sealed. The guys in the band were very happy for him. Howard asked the guys who they're dating. Adam said that the first time they came in there he was nervous and you never know what Howard is going to be like. He said James was a wreck. James said the first thing Howard asked him was if he got tons of pussy. Adam said they were thinking about what Howard was going to say. James just said ''nope'' to Howard. Howard asked PJ if he gets a lot. PJ said he's married so he gets a lot of the same. Howard said that James has always gotten laid. He was the Student Body President and he must have gotten a lot. Howard said they smell success on you when you're presidential material.
Howard asked Adam if he had said to Anne that he's so in love with her that he wanted to marry her. Adam cut him off and said that he didn't want to get married. He said that he still doesn't want to get married. Howard asked if he read about his break up in the paper. Adam said they had a conversation and they broke up. It wasn't like what they said in the papers. Howard asked how long he waited before going out and banging another model. Adam said he's celibate. Howard said he is not. Adam said he cut his penis off. Howard asked how long it really was. Adam said it was a couple of months. He said Howard is too good at this.
Adam told Howard that he doesn't have any time to do any of this. He said he is so busy that he doesn't do anything. He said rock and roll isn't what it used to be. He said that they went to do an event and they went to the hotel and there were like 3 fans there. He said it's not like it used to be when the lobby would be full of fans. He said it's not like that anymore. Howard said he saw that Jennifer Love Hewitt was saying that she'd be a good girlfriend when she was on Ellen's show. Howard asked why he doesn't just go get her and fuck her. Adam said he's all about the chase. He said that's a little too aggressive for him.
Howard said he thinks that Christina Aguilera had problems with Adam because she wanted him. Adam said he doesn't believe that for a second. Howard said he thinks she wants to fuck him and he's not in her corner. Howard said Adam doesn't need her. He said that's a great position to be in. Howard said it's sexual tension. Adam didn't think that's what it was.
Howard said the new Maroon 5 Album is coming out today. He asked Adam how nervous he is. Adam said he was up checking iTunes last night. He said he thinks they're doing pretty well. Howard said the new single is called ''Payphone'' and Adam said that they're about to be number 1. Robin asked where you find a Payphone. Adam said that's the point. He said when you do use one you say ''Holy shit I'm using a payphone'' when you realize where you are.
Howard asked the guys about how they did this album and Adam said they had a whole think tank of guys helping out with the songs. Adam told Howard that they would have people come in with demos and they'd have to work on them to change the lyrics and things like that.
Howard played some of ''Payphone'' and Adam told him to shut it off because it was the edited version. He said that someone is going to get fired. He said that they have the word ''shit'' in there and this was the edited version. Howard asked if he ever listens to the song on the radio after he's done with it. Adam said he obsesses over it while they're working on it but once it's out he never listens. He said that they will alter them in the live shows.
Howard said that this song seems like a catchy tune. Adam said he loves the lyric about fairy tales being ''full of shit'' and Howard didn't get to hear that. He said the person who is responsible for giving Howard that version of the song will die.
Howard said they have fun when the boys come in. Howard said they talked about girls... sort of. Howard said he wanted to talk more about this girlfriend thing with Adam. Adam asked Howard if he went nuts when he was single. Howard said he had a wild time for a little while after his divorce. Howard said he would take a whole family and bang them.
Adam asked if Howard has ever had Cee Lo Green on the show. Howard said he hasn't. Howard asked Adam about this fragrance he has coming out. Adam said he thought the guys were going to think it was stupid but they were surprisingly behind him. James said that it was about the money.
Howard said that Cee Lo Green said that he thought the fragrance smelled like ''Jew.'' He had an audio clip of Cee Lo saying that the fragrance should smell ''Jewish'' when he was asked what it should smell like. Howard said that isn't right. He asked PJ what he thinks about that. Howard said he doesn't like it. He said PJ wouldn't like it if someone said it should smell ''African American'' or smell ''black.'' Adam said that Cee Lo is from another fucking planet. He said that he isn't anti-Semitic. He said he doesn't really care about that comment.
Howard said he should have called Cee Lo out on that. He said the first thing that came out of his mouth was ''Jewish.'' Adam said that he doesn't really care and if he knew his sense of humor he'd get it.
Howard asked why he's putting out a perfume if he hates celebrity perfumes. Adam said this has a lot to do with money. Howard said that's because he's a Jew. Howard said Cee Lo cut that joke for him. Adam said he thinks that celebrity fragrances are cheesy and stupid. He said he wanted to come out with something good and there are fragrances that are good. He said they smell good and have tasteful design. He said this won't be cheesy and lame. He said it'll be cool and elegant. He said there isn't a problem there.
Howard asked Adam what he thinks about Steven Tyler doing the Burger King commercial. Adam said he didn't see it but he mentioned a commercial with Mary J Blige that they took off because it's so racist. Adam told Howard that he would never do a Burger King commercial. Howard said he'd bet that the next time they're in there he'll be talking about doing a Burger King commercial. Howard said it must be difficult to turn down that kind of money when it's offered to you. Adam said that doing a fragrance is different than doing a Burger King commercial.
Howard gave the guys some plugs for their new album and mentioned that they're doing some signings in the area. Howard said Adam is single and he's looking for chicks. Howard asked if James is seeing anyone. James said that he is seeing someone. Howard said that you can also hire the old keyboard player for massage if you're looking for that. Adam said that he doesn't even know if he went to do that or not. James said he did. Howard said they should hire him for the tour to massage them. Adam said they already made that joke with him.
Howard said he was told that Anne is seeing Jared Leto. He said he has a lot of tine to hang around with her. Howard asked Adam how long it'll be before his new girlfriend comes in there. Adam said that will never happen again. He said he brings a girl into that room and they break up. Howard said that's not his fault, it's Scott the Engineer's fault. Howard asked if he had to mail Anne her stuff or did she come and pick it up. Adam didn't want to talk about it. Howard said he loves talking about break ups. Howard said that she must have asked Adam to mail her stuff to Jared Leto's apartment.
Howard asked Adam if he's in love with the new girl. Adam said he's not talking. Howard said that's fine. He said he's talked enough.
Howard gave the guys some more plugs and said that they'll be doing a signing at Best Buy in Union Square tomorrow. He said you can find out more at Maroon5.com. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he likes this song. Howard said he thinks that it's Leslie playing guitar on the song. Fred said he thinks he's right. Howard said if any band wants to win him over on AGT they should play that song. He said he's not sure who Mountain isn't a bigger band. He said they have a cult following. Robin said maybe it's because they weren't around for long. Howard said they were though. He said they were at Woodstock and they had 3 or 4 albums before they broke up. He said maybe they were just frustrated.
Howard said it was good to have Adam Levine and the guys in there. He said that Adam was saying that he's a pretty mean judge on AGT. Howard said he's not mean, he's just got to narrow things down. Robin said you're not doing anyone a favor telling them they're good if they're not good.
Howard said he has to get out of there so he can go visit Newark. Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard hasn't talked about his iPad, iPhone and all of that lately. He asked if he's still using it all. Howard said he loves his iPad and all of that. The caller asked if he has anyone who helps him out with that stuff. Howard said he has a full time IT guy. Robin uses him too. Howard said he looks for his guy and Robin is using him even though he's the one who pays for him. Howard said he has a full circuit of hundreds of people who are in constant communication with each other.
The caller asked Howard if he loads up his TV shows on the iTunes himself. Howard said he will do that himself. He said he will order stuff and let it load overnight. He said he has 3 iMacs, 2 iPads and an iPhone. He said he has 2 iPads so he has one for masturbation purposes. He said he keeps one around upstairs so he doesn't have to go downstairs. He said that he has one he'll travel with. Howard said that he used the second one to tweet last night. He said when something breaks down he goes crazy. He said they do have a lot of equipment around though because they're all connected. Howard said he has layers and layers of people all for this dopey radio show.
Howard said he saw an article about the Apple Geniuses and how they're not paid all that well. Howard said they were comparing them to a big wholesaler store and they were saying that the Apple kids make way less money. Howard said that they get depressed when they see the profits that Apple is making. Howard said they're smart kids too.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if Howard TV can put Rachel Maddow back on Howard TV since she's in Rolling Stone this month. Howard said she turns him on. He said she's a wealth of information too. Howard said he thinks she could blow a Bill O'Reilly off the map in a debate. He said she'll smack you in the head with a fact and you realize that she's way out of your league. Howard said he really likes her. Howard said when he's feeling good about himself he jerks off to her. He said he goes high brow once in a while.
Howard said he has to watch babysitter porn to get off. He said he tried watching other porn the other night and it didn't work. He said he wanted to bring that up with his psychiatrist but it's too embarrassing. Howard said he's embarrassed every day in front of that guy. Robin said that's where you're supposed to open up and have no shame. Howard said he's still a dude. He said he's probably just ask how old he is again. Howard said it would be funny if he asked for the link.
Howard asked Robin if she's into that Adam Levine. Robin said he's very cute and so is that James. She said she wouldn't throw him out either. Howard said Robin likes that hippie type.
Robin read a story about Dylan McDermott having his mother's death declared a murder. He was 5 years old when he was thrown out of the house by his mother's mob connected boyfriend. Robin said that he watched people take his mother out of the apartment. The cops ruled that it was self inflicted. The boyfriend claimed that she took the gun and blew herself away. Howard asked if the guy who shot his mother is still alive. Robin said he's not. Howard said it's good he's getting the record set straight.
Robin read a story about Tony Parker who was supposed to go to the Olympics but he got into it with Chris Brown and he almost lost his sight because of some broken glass. Howard said he should wait until after his career is done to go to clubs. Howard said if he's in training he shouldn't be out at the clubs. Howard said those clubs are trouble. Howard said he's never in a club. He said he did that for a short time but you can't blame the club if something goes down.
Robin said she saw Ann Curry on the Today show. She said that it's great to see what's going on there. They're firing her but she's still on the air. Howard said it has to be weird for the rest of the crew there. Robin said she seems kind of somber on the show. Howard said it would be great if she broke down crying and vomiting on the show. Robin said the new rumor is that Hoda may take over and then Regis may come back and work with Kathie Lee. Howard said that's ridiculous. He said it's over for them. He went into a live commercial after that.
Robin said that Arsenio Hall is returning to TV. She said that he's got a deal with CBS to do a syndicated show. Howard said he's not sure that's a good idea. Howard said he'd like to know what happened between Arsenio and Eddie Murphy. Robin said she imagines that Eddie got tired of Arsenio asking him to do something with him. Howard said maybe Kathie Lee, Arsenio and Regis could do a show together. Robin said she's not sure that would work.
Robin read about Aubrey O'Day getting a doctor's note to bring her dogs on a plane with her. Robin said that they require that at Virgin Airways. Robin said that Aubrey has a note saying she needs the dogs for emotional support. Howard said you'd have to be in really bad shape to get a note to fly with your dogs. He said she must be really fucked up.
Howard took a call from Hanzi but he had fallen asleep. Howard said maybe he'll wake up. He said he'll do a commercial and maybe he'll wake up. Howard did a live commercial with Hanzi snoring in the background.
Robin got back to her news and read about a toddler in Florida who was found alive in the arms of his dead mother after they were flung 200 feet by a tornado.
Robin read about how Jerry Sandusky has spent a few days in prison and they say that some inmates were serenading jerry with lyrics from the song ''The Wall'' singing ''Hey teacher, leave those kids alone!'' Robin said he still has to be sentenced to time but he's still insisting that he's innocent. Howard said jurors are starting to talk now. Robin had some audio of one of the jurors talking about what he saw with Jerry when the victims were testifying.
Robin read about the Arizona immigration law being struck down by the supreme court. Robin read some details of the outcome of that ruling. Robin said that they can still ask for papers but most of the other provisions were struck down.
Hanzi was still sleeping as Robin read through these stories. Robin read about a 10 year old girl who was found locked in a utility closet in her home. She was only 32 pounds. Robin said that the mother was embarrassed buy the way her daughter looked so she kept her locked up.
Robin said they say that the murder rate is soaring in Detroit. Robin said they say that it's up because of gangs. Howard said if you watch The Wire you'll see why that is. He said the cops have their hands tied.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Fred is a fan of the band Clutch. Fred said he is not. Howard cut the guy off and said he'd check them out but he figured they were just about to hear more about Clutch so he had to cut him off. Howard did another live commercial after that. It was for some rock deodorant so he told Gary to get it for him. Gary said he actually has some that they sent over.
Robin got back to her news and read about Pat Tillman's widow who has written a book. Robin had some audio of her talking about Pat. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about how Tillman was killed by friendly fire. Howard said the guy really loved his country and he doesn't know too many guys like that.
Robin read about a woman in Florida who is fighting the flesh eating virus and she's starting to get better. Robin said she has lost her hands, her left leg and her right foot so far. Howard said it's all of these antibiotics that people are taking. Robin had some audio of the woman's father talking about taking her outside for the first time in a long time.
Robin said that Charlie Sheen was on Jimmy Fallon's show last night. Robin had some audio from the show where Charlie talked about his ''Winning'' rants from last year.
Robin had some audio of Emma Stone talking about working on the new Spider-Man movie. Howard cut that clip off not knowing what the hell she was talking about. Howard said she should just show her nips and that will make it a hit.
Howard asked what was wrong with Hanzi because his snoring was crazy. Robin said it might be sleep apnea. Robin said they might be appropriate at the zoo.
Howard said Emma Stone is dating the kid who plays Spider-Man. He said he just read that. He said those relationships always work out well.
Robin said that Jimmy JJ Walker was on the Late Show with David Letterman last night. Robin had some audio of him doing his thing with Dave. Howard said Dave will always have Jimmy on his show because they used to write together or something. Howard said Benjy will probably have him on his show when he's retired. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:00am. Howard left Hanzi on hold so they could put him on during the Wrap Up Show.
Jon said that Howard is off to Newark for some AGT stuff. He said they have to talk about Debbie the Pet Lady and Ass Napkin Ed. Gary said that Debbie was very calm this morning when she was throwing up. He said that Ed was out there and saying that he was the most sober he'd ever seen him. He said that he thought that they weren't going to be crazy today but he was wrong about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that they screwed up and should have made Debbie talk to Ed during that bit. Gary said she wasn't blocking him out and he's not sure how they'd judge that if she was talking to him. Benjy said he thought that she should have to stay silent but next time they should make her talk go him. He said they need some definition about what she'd have to do.
Jon said the grunts told a lot about how she was feeling. The caller said he thought it was a great segment and they should do it at least once a week.
Jon asked if Ed enjoys getting under her skin like that. Gary said they didn't tell either one why they were there so it was weird for them. He said he got Ed out of there and he told him to leave now. Gary said Ed listened to him and he left. Gary said that Ed had a girl there with him and she seemed too normal for him.
Jon asked Gary how he's feeling. Gary said he feels worse than yesterday. Jon said he doesn't sound worse.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how they stand there and don't get sick hearing Debbie close to puking. Gary said he's the first one in the link in the chair reaction of puking. Gary said he had to take his headphones off and put his fingers in his ear. He said he was close to puking himself. Benjy said that you could see her getting ready to puke and then belching.
Another caller said he liked that Debbie was able to stay quiet and then blew up. He said he thinks that was better than having her talk. Gary said that she was making those noises too. The caller said he could hear her revving up too.
Benjy said he thinks that Debbie has some mental things going on but she is able to control herself at times. Shuli said he had to get between Debbie and JD at the block party show. Shuli said she wasn't happy with the comment that JD made about her. He said she jumped off the couch and went after him. He said he had to calm her down. Shuli said she was actually pretty good at the show but she blew her stack when someone mentioned Ass Napkin Ed.
Gary said he knows that Debbie was in Riker's Island and she ran in a race there and came in 3rd place. Shuli said he'd be a fast runner if he was in Riker's Island too.
Jon asked Gary if he'd ever do this kind of thing again. Gary said he's not sure they'd do the exact same thing but maybe something like it. They went to break a short time later.
Jon Leiberman came in and said that he saw Medicated Pete hitting on her and she was asking if he was really going to take her out on a date. Shuli said that Sour Shoes was talking to her in a baby voice one night and she loved that and didn't know that wasn't his real voice.
Debbie ended up breaking out Medicated Pete and she scared him off. Shuli said that you can't predict what's going to happen with her. Leiberman said that he spent the day with Debbie and she has some issues. He said it appears most of it is out of her control. He said that he did see her take her medication one morning and she was calm for about 2 hours. He said he could see it all coming out when he started to wear off. Leiberman said that she was calm at AGT because she took 3 times her normal meds to keep her that way.
Jon said that he has to congratulate Mariann from Brooklyn for getting her box for AGT. He asked if others are asking for the same treatment. Gary said High Pitch Eric and Bobo have called in asking for those seats. He said that he's expecting more though.
Benjy said that box could change her life. He said she could become a bigger celebrity than she already is. Gary said he could be right. Shuli asked if they're going to have more than just Mariann in that box. He said that she may have to do a rotation. Gary said that's a good idea, call Mariann if you want in that box.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ed and Debbie thing was great and he was laughing his ass off. He said that was the best. He said he's their number one fan.
Jon also brought up how Scott the Engineer was with the guys. Will came in a short time later and said there was some yelling going on with him and Scott. He said that they were going back and forth about some names and he said something that got to Scott and he's not sure he can get into that. Gary said Lisa G came to him and said that Scott had his studio door locked.
Will said he can't get into details about what he said. He said that it's something they're not talking about on the air. He said Scott went ape shit about it.
Jason came in and said that Scott can be so miserable in the morning. He said it can take 3 seconds for them to get into it. Jason said that Will and Scott were arguing and Scott told him not to bring it up with him again and then Will chased him down the hall telling him the things that he has done wrong.
Jon asked who would win in a fight between Will and Scott. Will said he thought that Scott could take him until he saw something this morning. Jason said he saw it. He said Scott went for Will's throat or something. Ronnie came in and said that they have to calm down with Scott. He said he may come after him again. The guys told Gary what the low blow was and Gary said it really was. They weren't saying what it was though so it wasn't fair to the audience according to Jon. Jon said it's too inside.
Gary said they can't talk about it. He said that Scott made a mistake of epic proportions and it's Scott's Achilles heel right now.
Jason said that Scott fucked something up and then he went after Will for fucking something up so why is it a low blow. Jason said he knows it's stupid since they can't talk about this on the air.
Ronnie said that he thought Will just through Scott was coming in because he just jumped when he heard the door. Ronnie said he has seen Scott like this before.
Steve Brandano said that Scott isn't coming in. He said he told him that it happened off the air so he's not going to talk about it there.
Jon said that Ronnie was pissed at Scott a few months ago. He was upset about the block party thing. Ronnie said today Scott is really bent about the whole thing. He said he didn't tell him until about 20 minutes ago. He said he kind of knew what happened but he didn't see the whole thing.
Jon asked the guys if they think Will or Scott overreacted. Ronnie said Scott was going to punch Will in the mouth so that was kind of an overreaction. Jason asked if they think Will would get punched before he gets punched for saying something.
Jon said that Ronnie was in the studio during the Debbie and Ed thing. He asked if he thought there were going to be blows. Ronnie said he knew nothing was going to happen. He said he really doesn't like Ed. He said he's almost as bad as Jeff the Drunk. He said that Ed breaks his balls when he's there. He said they kept him outside so he couldn't hear what was going on and that helped.
Jon asked Ronnie about what was going on with Debbie at the block party. Ronnie said he's not scared of her. He said she can't hurt anyone. He said she's got some acting class in there. He said he saw it first hand. He said she's not totally fake but there is acting classes involved. He said he witnessed it first hand. He said she is nuts but she can control it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves it that Hanzi is still snoring in the background. The caller said he's sawing logs and he loves it.
Ronnie said that Hanzi thinks that he's going to take over the limo and security and he's going to be the head of the block party. He said the guy is off his rocker. Shuli said that's because Hanzi beat Ronnie in arm wrestling at a show. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that he and Ross are friends and the argue over stupid stuff like that. He said it went on all day long. He said he sent an email to him proving he was right and then Ross sent him an email about him being right.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that Will opened up a can of worms in there. He said that he mentioned it in front of a bunch of people that this could be hurtful to. He said it was supposed to be kept private. He said that's what he's pissed off about. He said that he's going to have to deal with Howard and Gary about it now. Scott said he shouldn't have brought it up at all. He walked out after that.
Jason said that Will brought it up in front of him, Will and Steve and that's it. There were no cameras there. Jon said you can tell he's really pissed. He was white as a ghost according to the guys.
Will came back in and said he missed the past 3 minutes since they're on a delay back there. He said that no one has an idea of what they're talking about. He said everyone knows what they were talking about already.
Gary said the intern answering the phones today is Scott's nephew. Gary said that someone told Jason that and Jason told that person that he has to learn about his uncle.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they're afraid that Scott is going to go postal. Shuli said he doesn't think that he'd be able to. He said he was out of breath just walking down there.
Ronnie said he still gets bad vibes with Scott so he's been staying away from him a bit. He said the whole block party thing went bad and there's still something going on there.
Gary said that there was a time when there was no way to piss Scott off. He was a ''new'' Scott but now it seems pretty easy. Ronnie said there's something going on there and he thinks that Scott thinks he was part of the pay for him and he had nothing to do with that. Ronnie said he had Scott's back and he's not sure what else he could have done. He had to get going to go get Howard out of there.
Jon said he thinks that Scott doesn't think that Ronnie had his back and that's what that was all about. Jason said that Scott went for Will's throat and pushed him but Will said that's not what happened. Jason said now Will is changing his whole story. They quickly got off that subject.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the interviews are getting old when Howard has the same people in and he asks the same questions each time. Gary said that he thought the Adam Levine interview was different this time because Howard was asking about getting dumped by the girl and last time he had her in the studio. Benjy jokingly said that today's show was actually not live, it was a repeat.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Fred's show last night was great. He also said that he knows they tried timing how long it takes Fred to get in a sound drop after someone says something and that's great. Jon said that Fred is always great with those drops. He told Steve that he did a great job with the show last night too.
Jon said that Howard and Fred gave a preview of what Gary would sound like doing that show. He asked if that gets under his skin. Gary said it does kind of. Gary said that Howard talks about how much he hates Steely Dan and Robin loves them.
Jon said that Howard always says that because Gary doesn't play an instrument that his opinion doesn't count. Gary said that's ridiculous. Will said Gary does play an instrument. He said he plays the trumpet. Gary said he played with James Brown too.
The guys were talking about Jason Raff coming in today. They spent a minute on that before Jon took a call. The caller brought up Debbie the Puker today. Jason said that Gary's face melted when he saw Debbie looking like she was going to hack something up. Benjy said that it would be great if they had Jeff the Vomit Guy in there for Debbie to vomit on him. Gary said that KC Armstrong used to handle that stuff and they had a girl barf on Jeff the Vomit guy and it was disgusting. He said no one has ever blown huge chunks on him though.
Jon said that Howard is off to Newark and he's wondering how long it's going to get on his nerves. Gary said it's going to be ugly tomorrow if he gets stuck coming home today. Jon said that Howard is going to be cranky the next morning when he's doing the live shows. Gary said he's sure he'll get cranky Howard on those mornings. The guys had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about his other role as judge on AGT. Howard said he has to clear up a few things. He said he can talk about the fact that Tim Poe is out on AGT. He said that there are a lot of people asking why he didn't yell at Tim Poe. Howard said that was taped before the story came out. Howard said Tim came out and sang and their conclusion was that it was a bad performance. Howard said they eliminated him. He said they thought he was a military hero but they couldn't rule on that. Howard said they had to narrow it down to 48 acts and he got eliminated. Howard said it wasn't because of the military issue. He said when the story broke he was already out.
Howard said people were also tweeting asking how he let the Love Boat guy through. Howard said he's dead set against that guy but Sharon and Howie put him through. Howard said he's not the only judge there. Howard said he has to give into some of their people to get some of his through.
Robin asked Howard about the girl who sings with the guitarist. She thought Howard had said that she should dump him. Howard said the editing is confusing. He said he thinks that she's a really good singer and if the guy has anything to do with the arrangements then he should be there. Howard said if he's not doing that then she's just there as a crutch. Howard said that's like Paul Simon using Art Garfunkel as a crutch for years.
Howard said Andrew was his Susan Boyle and he was spectacular on the first audition show. He said they showed some of his audition in Vegas and it went horribly wrong. Howard said they debated on just putting him through because of his first audition but his second one was so bad they couldn't do it. Howard said he's just not ready. Robin said they can't do that and put him through on the live show.
Howard said he's hoping that he'll go out and perform in front of people for a year and then come back. Robin said Howie did tell him that he has a gift and he has to work on it.
Howard said people thought he was harsh on the impressionist who he kicked right off. Howard said they had to let some people go and let them out of their misery. Howard said that guy made a huge mistake. He said he didn't like him in his first audition. He said the guy went out and threw out the whole act instead of working on the impressions. Howard said Howie told him to spruce up the act but he changed just for one judge. Howard said you have to hone an act for years. He said Jim Carrey did that. He said he made a fortune before he got on In Living Color. Howard said he decided not to be an impressionist and he bombed with his act for years until he got good at it. Howard said you can't write a new act in a week.
Robin said she thought that she wanted the girl who sings with her dad to kick the dad off. Howard said he wanted to keep the dad. He said the other judges were talking about keeping her and letting her dad go. Howard said she is a terrific singer. Howard said he has compared her dad to Sonny of Sonny and Cher. Howard said that the dad has to be willing to let her shine more. He said he has to let her take center stage like Sonny did with Cher. Howard said he told him that but they didn't leave that in the show.
Robin said the one she can't believe who got through was the guy who sang the Love Boat theme. Howard said he is livid about that one. He said he thinks that it's clear that he was against putting him through. He said it is a 3 judge panel. He said that he doesn't have the final say. He said Howie and Sharon insist on this guy. They like him and he's not sure why. Howard said the guy came out and sang Secret Agent Man about as good as he could sing it. Howard said they get into the room and they want to keep him. Howard said he was not one of the top choices. Howard said he wanted Andrew to come back instead of that guy.
Robin said she felt that there were slots wasted. She said she didn't like the little girl and her dad singing. Howard said at the time he thought there was something there in terms of cuteness factor. He said the little girl was so cute and adorable the first time. He said when they got to Vegas they didn't have that.
Howard said there are certain people he gets outvoted on and you'll see more of that tonight. Howard said there are certain acts that will get through that he didn't want. He said overall he did get a lot of his acts through. He said he feels pretty good about the final 48.
Robin said she thinks she knows who Howard thinks will win. She said it's that Guadalajara kid. Howard said he's not going to say yes or no to that. Howard said he's going to let it play out.
Howard said they can't edit him on the live shows. He said he's going to let people know what he's thinking on that show. Howard said there are some very strong acts in the kid category. Robin said she can't believe he took that girl in the red dress through. Howard said she did a unique rendition of that Rolling Stones song. He said they didn't show a lot of that.
Howard said he learned that 4 acts will be going home in the first week. Robin said that people had better learn to like Mariachi. Howard said that the act may not come off that great on TV. He said that it's great live but they may have to back off on the trumpet. He said the kid is pretty amazing. Howard said there are about 5-10 people who can take this thing. He said there are about 10 others who would take it if they step it up.
Howard said his dressing room is amazing too. He said he doesn't have a rider like Sharon does. He said his dressing room is like a prison cell compared to Sharon's room. He said her room is full of red velvet and things like that. Howard said he'd like them to treat him with parity. He said that he asks for a pillow sometimes but it's not always there. He said that the room is huge and he has a shower and a bathroom that he'll be able to take a dump in. He said that it shouldn't stink up the whole place if he does. He said he had to do that in his trailer during the first taping in Los Angeles and he was so freaked out.
Robin said that she bets a lot of people cried when they saw some people getting sent home. Howard said a lot of people told him they like the way he's judging on the show. He said some of the newer fans were saying he was disgusting and mean. Howard said someone has to be eliminated on the show. He said it is a competition. Howard said he can't be nice to everybody.
Robin said some of the dancers were on the cusp. Howard said they cut a lot of those acts. He said they only took the best of the best. Howard said the one he's really upset about is Andrew. He said that kid was a superstar already. He had a clip on the web that was viewed like 2 million times.
Howard said Jon Hein told him that this season is the best because they didn't keep certain people around for sympathy. Jon came in and said on a lot of these shows they keep people around like that hoping that they'll be good on the road. Howard said he thought that Andrew could be like that. He said he's glad they cut him because they're there to be judges. He said they have a million dollar prize and you have to bring it every tine. He said Andrew really blew that song though. He said he flubbed and they had to cut him.
Jon said there were some others who stepped it up for the Vegas auditions. He said that Joe Cocker guy was great. Howard said there were a bunch of very good acts and it will be good next week. Howard said he got back home from Newark in a half hour. He said he came back around 2:30 in the afternoon. He said he should mention that he swam. He said he jumped out of the car and swam. He said it shouldn't be too bad. Jon said he's hoping that it's the same during the evening.
Howard said next week he thinks the show starts at 8:30 on Monday night. He said they have a live show from 9-11. Robin said she's looking forward to the dancer who wasn't in the other two shows. Howard said she's talking about Turk. Howard said he knows all of these guy's names.
Howard said that some of the stand-bys are his favorites. He said that all of them get to audition. He said he thinks that separating them is just a way to fuck with their heads.
Robin and Jon were talking about the mind reader guy. Howard said he needs a little better showmanship. Howard said he's great though. Howard said he has to relate to the live audience too. Robin said that kid who locked himself in the box was great and she thought he was a goner. Howard said he doesn't want to give away too much on his thoughts there. Howard said he told that kid that he shouldn't have his dad on the side smiling during the act. He said the problem with his act is that he has to give them a better sense of danger. Howard said your dad can't lock your handcuffs. He said when Houdini was dropped in the ocean in a steamer trunk his dad wasn't there laughing. Howard said he's going to say all of this in the live shows. Jon said he can't wait to see him live.
Howard had the guys bring in Eli and Mikey. Robin said you never know what these guys are going to look like. Howard said he does. He said that Robin might have a different feeling about their songs if they were hot. Howard said Mikey is grotesque and Eli is more than grotesque. Howard said he's a very large man. Eli said he's not even sure how much he weighs. Howard said they don't disappoint in the looks department.
Howard asked Eli when he started writing songs about Robin. Eli said he stared last year in March or April. He said it was a great honor when they played his song for the first time. He said that his first one was ''Big Tits on Her Chest.'' Howard asked if he was inspired by Mikey. Eli said he was.
Eli said he was in a couple of bands. One of them was The Beggars and the had a record deal in the 90s. He said that they put an album out and it didn't do anything. He said it was a big deal because they were on Island Records. He said he was kind of young and hadn't earned it yet. He said they had a lot of money floating around back then in the record business.
Howard played an example of Eli's stuff with his song ''Gotta See Those Boobs.'' Eli said he's been playing that one at the block party shows. Howard said Eli is a decent musician if he had record deal. Howard played another one of his songs ''Robin's Big Jugs.'' Howard asked if he has an inspiration like a picture of her up when he writes these songs. Eli said he will bring up a picture of Robin in her bra. He said he'd like to see them and feel them and shoot goo all over them some day. Howard said that word ''goo'' works into the songs a lot. Even Mikey uses it in his songs.
Howard asked what's left to get to about Robin. Eli said he has a new song that doesn't have a title. He said that the song is to the tune of ''Always On My Mind'' and he wrote it last week. He said he'll perform it live right now. Howard said Eli is wearing a ''You Only Live Once'' t-shirt today. He had Eli perform his song. They had a music bed for him to sing along to. Eli sang lyrics like ''If You Show Me Yours I'll Show You Mine'' to the tune of ''Always On My Mind.'' Eli had Howard, Fred and Robin laughing as he sang.
Howard said that song moved him. Robin said he should move right into a mental institution. Howard said Howard TV put up the picture of Robin opening up her top and showing her bra. Howard said he got sentimental and got a tear in his eye during that song. He asked Mikey if he approves. Mikey said he thinks it's great.
Howard said the boys are here today because they're doing a Beat and Greet. Eli said they'll be at the Recoup Lounge on the lower east side tonight. He said they'll be performing Robin songs and their own songs. Robin said it's like an Unplugged show. Howard asked how many songs they'll do. Mikey said he can fit in about 30 of them because they're short.
Howard said Eli says that he performed at a club once and he tanked when he heard that Ringo Starr might be showing up. Eli said they had a big shot and Ringo was there and it was too much pressure on them. He said they choked. Ringo's daughter performed that night and he left after she was done.
Howard asked what Eli is doing for a living. Eli said he's a comedian and a writer but he's kind of in between jobs right now.
Howard gave the guys another plug and got to Little Mikey. Howard said he's been doing jingles for Beezid commercials and stuff. Mikey said they did the radio commercial and just put it into their TV commercial. Howard said maybe one day he'll make enough to buy a new outfit. Howard said he heard he works in radio too. Mikey said he works at a Christian radio station. He said they don't know what he does for a living. He said they might know now though.
Howard played Mikey's song ''Those Big Brown Jugs'' to the tune of Van Halen's ''Why Can't This Be Love.'' Howard said that the boys want to do a duet together and the song is called ''Yankin' Our Meats'' to the tune of ''Dancin' In The Streets.'' Howard had the boys do their song. Mikey and Eli did the song together and had Howard cracking up. Robin was laughing too.
Howard said he hasn't been that moved since Blind Faith. He said seeing them working together is masterful. Robin said she walked out of the room for a few minutes. Eli said they have sold 2 tickets as of this morning. He said Joseph Mooski bought two. Howard said that he thinks they'll sell 5 after that performance. Howard said he hopes they can get a hundred at that place tonight. Howard said Benjy and Elisa were able get people to show up to their show. Eli said that Elisa is attractive so that might be why people showed up.
Howard played another Little Mikey song parody and then asked what he's doing at the radio station. Mikey said he's soliciting other radio stations trying to get their stuff on.
Howard said that he has to talk to Ronnie about the way he talks to people. He said that Ronnie was screaming and yelling at people at the show about how they don't want them up at the show. He said Ronnie was fighting with Dan the Song Parody Man at the show. Howard said the Ronnie Block Party is a show he lets Ronnie do. He said he can't scare his people away from coming down there. Howard said he can't tell Dan that he's not welcome there. Ronnie said he doesn't like Dan. Howard said he does though. Ronnie said they had a whole thing go down with Beacher's Mad House and he was upset with that. Howard said Ronnie has no business yelling at people out there. Ronnie said he's not going to deal with Dan. He said Dan started a whole thing with him. He said he didn't want him at the Block Party show. He said he didn't invite him there and that's what he was upset about.
Howard said the only reason this stuff exists is because of him. He said Dan contributes to the show. Howard said he should have just said thank you to Dan. Ronnie said that Dan didn't have to attack him on the phone with his friend. Howard asked why he has to be like this. Ronnie told him not to give him this bullshit. He said he doesn't want to hear it.
Howard and Ronnie went back and forth arguing about Dan. Howard said that he should just left the guy alone. Ronnie said he doesn't like him and he didn't want him back stage in the green room. He said Dan should stay the fuck away from him. Howard said he shouldn't do the block party if he can't handle it. Ronnie said that's fine. Howard asked if Dan said something wrong by thanking him for inviting him. Eli and Mikey said it sounded fine to them. Howard said Ronnie has to calm the fuck down. Ronnie said he's not going to calm down when it comes to that.
Howard said Dan comes there and he has to feel welcome when he's there. Ronnie said he doesn't have anything to do with him when he's there. Howard said he should have said something to Shuli instead. Ronnie said Shuli did say that Dan shouldn't have been there starting shit. Ronnie said he's nice to everybody. Howard said he wasn't nice to Dan. Ronnie said that Dan wasn't nice to him. He said he doesn't give a shit about the guy.
Howard said Ronnie has to make people feel comfortable up there. Ronnie said he is fine when he's there. Robin said that Ronnie is doing very well and he has to calm down.
Howard said that if Dan can't take shit from people then he can't work there. Howard said he needs to be locked in a cage. Ronnie said he doesn't bother anyone on the road. He said that he is more than nice to everyone. He said Eli sees the way he acts with people. Howard said he has to be nice to Dan. Ronnie said he would tell Dan to get the fuck out even if he walked up and kissed him and said he loves him.
Ronnie said that Dan used him to get air time. He said that he's not going to let it go. Howard told Ronnie to let it go. He said he has to rise to the occasion. He said that hot headed cops get thrown off the force and that's what's going to happen to Ronnie. Ronnie said that was the first time anything like that has ever happened at a show. Howard told Ronnie to get out. He said he doesn't have time to berate his staff.
Howard got back to Eli and Mikey. He said they're on the cusp of greatness. He said their Beat and Greet is small now but it could grow into a 100 person show. Howard said that they should be happy that anyone is showing up even if it's just two people. Eli said he has a big thing on his web page about how to get tickets. He said the tickets are only $10. Howard asked if they serve alcohol at the place. Eli said they do and it's going to be a lot of fun.
Howard said it would be great if Robin got up and go-go danced. Robin told them to get her a cage. Howard said he wishes that someone would write a song about his cock. He said Robin gets all of the parodies written about her. Howard thanked the guys for their song parodies. He said Robin doesn't really like them. She said she just endures them. They went to break after that.
During the break Howard said that Dan the Song Parody Man tried calling in during the Ronnie thing but the phone system is down. Gary came in and told Howard that the system is having trouble rebooting. Howard said it's been down for like a half hour now. Gary said it's more like 15 minutes. Howard said maybe Sirius wants him to buy them a new phone system since that's the way things are going lately. He finished up his live commercial read after that.
Howard came back and said if he does a Playlist show he'll play that Cream song. Howard asked Gary what's going on with the phones. Gary said no one knows and they're all running around going nuts back there. He said they've had problems before and they're told that it's fixed and it's not fixed.
Howard said they were supposed to get a call from Joe Eszterhas about his new book but the phones don't work. Howard said that he's not sure what to do.
Howard said he just got a story about how he's coming to Google TV. Howard said he knows nothing about that. He said no one tells him anything around there.
Howard said that he just saw that one of the Howard TV guys, Derek, tweeted out that Ronnie said ''What the fuck are you looking at mother fucker'' when he walked in this morning. Howard said that's the way his security guy is talking to people up there. Howard said he's become a superstar who throws tantrums. He said he's a limo driver and he's thinking that he's Block Party Ronnie.
Howard said the whole organization is falling apart. He said he was doing some work on their archives and he was in a meeting. He said he called Tim and Gary about some things that were going on. He said he called Tim who is their program director. Howard said he got an answering machine. He said he left a message for Tim and he called his cell phone and no one picked up. Howard said Tim says that no message was left. Howard said he called Gary and left him a message too. He said it took him 3 hours for him to get back to him. Gary said it was less than 2 hours. Howard said it was 3 hours. Howard said he wrote him an email too.
Howard said that he's trying to get things done around there and he can't. He said that he was going to tell Gary something directly but he had to go through Tim. Howard said he told Tim to go deal with Gary. He said he knew Gary was going to come to him instead.
Howard said he needed Gary yesterday and now he's just a nuisance. Howard said he's going to write a book called ''Get Things Dumb.'' Howard said he has some crew there.
Robin said she can't believe that Joe Eszterhas got a whole book out of meeting Mel Gibson. The guys were working on getting him through on another phone from another studio.
Howard played a clip from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where Jason brought up how Gary and Ross are fighting. Howard said that they're running and office back there and the idea that they can't have a civil meeting without yelling at each other is wrong. Gary said that he and Ross have a lot of normal meetings. He said this fight thing has happened twice. Howard said it shouldn't happen at all. Gary agreed. Howard asked why Jason is saying they're fighting like cats and dogs. Gary said he's on the Wrap Up Show creating drama. Howard said he doesn't understand why everyone has to do this.
Howard said that Gary should put on a Mel Karmazin Mask and see if he fights him then. He said that Ross should conduct himself with Gary the same way he does with Mel. Howard said he should throw Ross right the fuck out of there if he keeps that up. Gar said he doesn't like it either. Gary said he needs stuff for the show and that's what he's arguing about. He said that Ross thought he didn't come through with something.
Howard asked Jason why he was in there. Jason said that Gary and Ross have gotten into several fights in the past couple of weeks. Gary said it was two.
Gary said he heard that Ross fought with Tim one day and he got the aftermath of that. Jason said that Gary's office is a glass wall and he can hear him yelling in there. Jason said he has seen Ross yell at everyone and Sirius lets him get away with it. Howard told Jason to hold on. He said this is just about Gary and Ross. He said it doesn't have to be that way there.
Howard said that he has yelled at people there. He said he's the boss. Gary said he's the boss outside of there. Howard said he's got to conduct himself differently though. Howard said he doesn't yell at Gary off the air. Gary said he has done that once in a while. Howard said he must have deserved it.
Howard said Ross and Gary are into some weird thing. He said they're like a married couple. He said they're too comfortable with each other and they have to examine that. Howard said he has to give Gary a kick in the ass once in a while. He said Ross isn't his boss and Gary isn't Ross' boss. Gary said that he and Ross are too comfortable with each other.
Robin asked if Howard fought with Sharon and Howie on the set of AGT. Howard said he didn't fight. He said he had to give into their wishes with some of the contestants. Gary said he actually likes that Love Boat guy. Howard said they're wrong about that guy. The guys talked about the piano playing kid who wears the yarmulke all the time. Howard said that makes him different. He said that kid is like the Jewish Susan Boyle. Robin said she expected him to sing the Torah or something. Howard said the yarmulke lowers your expectation. He said if he takes that off then he's out.
Howard said they interviewed him about that kid yesterday. He said he thinks the kid has to keep that yarmulke on. He said he doesn't want to give it all away so he's going to move off of this.
Gary said that they were supposed to be able to put Joe on through the other studio but it's not working. Howard kept hearing a noise and it was annoying him. Gary said he's not sure what's going on. Howard told Gary to call Joe and apologize and tell him that Mel Gibson cut their wires when he heard he was going to be on. Fred played some Mel Gibson clips and Howard argued with them. Howard did his impression of Gary and pretended it was Gary and Ross fighting.
Will came in and told Howard they could get to Joe right now. Howard said he's falling behind. He said he has to take a break before Tom Arnold comes in. He said he was on schedule and now it's thrown off. Will said it's a mad house out there. Howard said he may have to pay to fix the phones. Gary told Howard to do a 10 minute interview. Howard said it's not a 10 minute interview. He said he'll take a break and see how much time he has. He went to break after that.
Howard said he's sorry he's late with all of this. Joe said that's fine. Howard said Joe is a famous guy who wrote some of the biggest movies that you love. He said he wrote Basic Instinct with Sharon Stone and her vagina sticking out. Howard said he still remembers that movie. Howard said Joe must not have written it like that. Joe said he didn't. He said that he did show that she wasn't wearing underwear in the scene before. He said the director took over and had that other scene.
Howard said Joe has a husky voice because he had throat cancer. Joe said he wasn't able to speak at all for a while. He said that he had a woman come up to him and tell him he had a great voice and he told her he got it from throat cancer and she ran away. Joe said he was a smoker all his life before that. He said that he hasn't smoked for 11 years now. Joe said that his wife and kids were very helpful and so was God. He said he wasn't very religious before that but he turned to God and that helped too.
Howard said he was disappointed that they didn't have more vagina shots in movies after Basic Instinct. Howard said Joe also wrote Flashdance, Showgirls and Fist. He said that at one point he was the highest paid screen writer in Hollywood. He got paid $3 million for Basic Instinct.
Howard said that Mel Gibson asked Joe to write a film about Judah Maccabee. Howard said that Joe had to think long and hard about writing a propaganda film for Mel Gibson. Joe said that Mel wanted to do the film because he thought he should. He said he thinks that Mel wanted to do penance for the things he had done. Howard said Mel was raised by a known anti-Semite so maybe that's what it was.
Joe said he worked for a year without pay. He said he had to read about 15 books about the Maccabees. He said he had written some other things about anti-Semitism too.
Howard asked Joe about his dad being a liberal and then he finds out that he was writing Nazi propaganda. Joe said he was devastated. He said that he couldn't believe it. He said that his dad said he didn't hate the Jews and he just did it to make a living. He said he was crushed by the whole thing. He said that he asks god now to forgive him for what he did to his dad. He stopped all contact with him and he thinks that it was a mistake. Joe said it was like the characters in Music Box that he wrote but he wrote that before he knew about his dad.
Howard said it's like his dad had a split personality. Howard said maybe if he had come to him and confessed it would have been different. Joe said that he wondered if his dad raised him the way he did so he'd have a great alibi. He said that he played out a lot of stuff in his head. Howard asked if he went to therapy for that. Joe said that he drank a lot. He said he did that and some other substances.
Howard said Joe has now written a book called Heaven and Mel and it's only available on Amazon.com. He asked how many pages it is. Joe said it's the longest Kindle single they've ever had. He said it's about 100 pages. Howard asked why he had to move into Mel's house to write this movie. Joe said he wrote it in his own house. He didn't move into Mel's house. He said he stayed at Mel's house for 10 days.
Joe and Howard talked about how the Polish were very good at killing the Jews. Howard said that Warsaw was a fabulous city before they killed off all of the Jews. Howard said that went away rapidly. Joe said he tried to link all of that together in the movie.
Howard said that Joe's son taped Mel while they were staying with him and he would go off yelling and screaming about the Jews. Howard asked Joe if he asked Mel to let goo of the hate and just accept that he has made a good living off an industry that has a lot of Jewish people in it. Joe said that Mel is screwy and at the center is hatred.
Howard said that most people can't escape their father and who they are. Howard said Mel can't reject his father and he can't even look at him and be rational about it. Joe said he thinks that's exactly the case. He told Howard that's very insightful. Joe said Mel has stayed loyal to his father's beliefs.
Howard said there are some amazing stories in Joe's book. He said that he read that Mel yelled at a priest and called him a cock sucker. Howard said that is the greatest thing ever. Joe said that this was one of the priests who was ordained after 1962 and Mel has this thing where he thinks that anyone ordained after that time is part of some Jewish conspiracy. Joe said he thinks that Mel needs therapy. He said this book is like a public intervention.
Howard said Mel would probably claim that he's a disgruntled former employee. Joe said that the reason he did this is because Mel sat his 15 year old down and told him how awful his ex-wife was. He said Mel told his son he was going to fuck his ex in the ass and stab her in the back while he did it. Joe said this was a 15 year old kid he was talking to. Howard said he must have known what was going on with Mel before that. Joe said he never imagined that it would be like that. He said he never though he would say something so heinous to a 15 year old boy.
Howard said Joe was so afraid of Mel that he slept with a golf club in his hand. Joe said that when Mel goes off he's demonic. He said that it's like he's possessed by a demon.
Howard read that Mel hates Harvey Levin from TMZ too. Joe said that they covered a lot of what went on with Mel and Oxana.
Howard said that Joe says that Mel also hated John Lennon and he was glad that he was dead. Howard said he read that Mel likes enemas too. Joe said that whole thing is darkly comedic when you think about it.
Howard said Mel is trying to pull the shit out of himself and he doesn't know how to. He said he's got so much ugliness in him and it's almost like the exorcist pulling the shit out of himself.
Howard said that Mel doesn't read newspapers and magazines and he has trouble using the internet. Joe claims that Mel watches his old movies a lot. He said that he has seen Mel go off when he sees a bad picture of himself.
Howard asked Joe if his lawyers have contacted him yet. Joe said that they had the book very vetted. He said that they have an editor who went through the book very carefully and they haven't heard a thing from his lawyers. He said that he's certain they could prove what went on with witnesses.
Howard said the most positive thing in the book is that Mel was a good dad to his daughter Lucy. Joe said he saw him play with her on the floor and hug her and he doesn't drink or do drugs. Howard asked if Joe could imagine if he did. Joe said maybe he should.
Howard said Mel hated Walter Cronkite too. Joe said there is no good reason for that or for hating John Lennon. He said that's the scary stuff. He said that Mel destroyed a totem pole in Costa Rica and that was a scary moment too. Howard said maybe the guy has too much money if he has a totem pole in his house.
Howard asked Joe if he thinks this was the biggest meltdown ever in Hollywood. Joe said it probably is. Howard asked Joe if he's doing his next project with Charlie Sheen. Joe laughed. Joe said he didn't do interviews for 8 years but he felt he had to write this book and tell this story.
Howard asked if he liked the Maccabee story he wrote. Joe said he did like it. Howard said if Mel liked it he would have done it, right? Joe said that he doesn't know about that. He said he wrote what he wanted to write and not what Mel wanted him to write. He doesn't think that Mel is going to make the movie and he can't get his script back. He said if there is a movie about the Maccabees it won't be his. He said it won't have the people chanting ''Never Again'' at the end of it if they do.
Howard gave Joe another plug for his book ''Heaven and Mel'' and said that it's only available on Amazon under Kindle singles.
Howard had Fred playing some Mel clips and had him calling Joe a fucking cunt and things like that. Joe was cracking up laughing. Howard asked if Mel tried to stop him from writing this book. Joe said no one knew he was writing it. He said Mel does have supporters that are anti-Semitic and he has gotten some hate mail about the book. He said that the police have told him that if anyone did anything that it would be their greatest regret. Howard thanked Joe for calling in and let him go a short time later.
Howard said that Mel is coming out with a movie called ''Joe is a Jew'' even though Joe isn't Jewish. Howard said that was pretty amazing. Fred was still playing those Mel Gibson clips. Howard said they have Tom Arnold coming in after the break. He went to break a short time later.
Tom Arnold came in next. Howard asked if he was out of breath. Tom said he is... from walking 10 feet. Tom said he just gave up when he was over in Germany working. He said he's been going downhill since then.
Tom said that he was listening to that Joe Eszterhas interview and he thinks that some things are kind of private. He said he's not sure writing a book like that is right. Tom was also saying that Joe converted from Jewish to Catholic. Howard said that's not what Joe said. Tom said ''whatever...'' Howard said that Tom talked about a lot of what went on with Roseanne. Tom said he's just like Joe then. Howard said Tom would go to the papers and tell stories about Roseanne. Tom said they were doing that stuff together. He said she was the one who thought that it was a good idea going to the papers about personal stuff.
Tom said that there was a story about Roseanne last night and TMZ called his publicist asking if he wanted to be part of it. He said his publicist doesn't think it would be a good idea.
Howard said he heard that Tom and Roseanne were contacting each other in 2010. Tom said his wife knew about that and she thought it was okay. Tom said that Roseanne was wondering why he never gave her credit for what she did for him. Tom said that she won't let it go even though he's thanked her a lot. He said that within about 5 emails they were right back to where they were.
Howard said now there's a roast for Roseanne and they contacted Tom. Tom said that it was TMZ that contacted them and they haven't contacted him about this roast. Tom asked Howard if he thinks it's a good idea. Howard said it would be phenomenal. He said they'd talk about it from here to eternity. Tom said it's such a personal thing though. Howard said it would probably get Tom back drinking again. Tom agreed. Howard said it would be a great moment though.
Tom said you think about doing something like that and how great it could be. Howard said they should get married again and have a reality show. Howard said it's a funny thing with show business. He said you know doing anything with Roseanne would be detrimental to his health. He said you just have to say no to some things but people in show business can't say no. He said that they know that those moments can get people to fall in love with you again. Howard said Tom should say no but he knows he won't.
Tom said that the roast wouldn't go well. Howard said he imagines Roseanne going off and saying ''Fuck you Tom!'' while he's roasting her. Howard said that roasts aren't usually real roasts. This would be a real roast. He said there are people who despise him and he would only want those people in his roast. He said they would slam him to death.
Howard said he was reading a story about Mark and Brian the other day and he was brutal with them when he moved into their market. Howard said that one of the guys was talking about how awful it was when he entered their market. He said that's the kind of guy he would want roasting him.
Howard asked Tom about Mel Gibson and if he thinks he's in trouble like Joe was saying earlier. Tom said he knows a lot of people have reached out to Mel. He said that's a fact. He said people have really tried with him. He said he tried too. Tom said he called Mel. He said before all of this craziness started Mel was a fun drunk. He said Mel would end up staying out for 3 days with Vince Neil. Tom said that the guy was super nice before all of this stuff came out. Howard said he's never seen a meltdown like this in Hollywood. Howard said it's a complete meltdown. He said it's an amazing fall from grace. Tom said he thinks that it's a mental illness and he has some severe problems. He said that you can try to help and 5150 him. He said that's what they did with Britney Spears.
Howard said that Tom is in a new Tyler Perry movie. Howard asked why he's not on the movie poster. Tom said he's hardly in the movie. He said he just did a quick thing. He wasn't sure he wanted to do the movie but he did it and had a lot of fun doing it. Tom said that he heard that Tyler wasn't sure he wanted him in the movie and he wasn't sure he wanted to do it.
Howard asked Tom if he's working on a sequel to True Lies with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Tom said it would be great for both of them if they did. Tom said they did write a script and they're waiting. Howard said if they keep waiting it'll be too late. Tom said Arnold is working his way back into films. Howard asked if he did an intervention with Arnold after all of his stuff broke. Tom said that he loves Maria and the kids. He said it's a tough situation. Tom said he did not see it coming. He said he thinks that Arnold handled it as good as he could considering what went on. Tom said he went to Arnold's house to talk to him after it all went down. He said he went to his house to make sure he wasn't going to commit suicide.
Howard asked if Arnold was laughing and talking about the shit hitting the fan. Tom said Arnold had a birthday party last summer and he had a fight ring and he had his assistants fighting and stuff. He said Arnold had him do some comedy and they were all joking about this stuff and Arnold loved it.
Tom said when you go to the house you see the person there and then you see the kid there. Tom said he saw the kid and may have said that he looked like Arnold and he should get a DNA test done on the kid. Tom said he did that like four times. He said Arnold would tell him to shut the fuck up because his wife is there. Howard said the kid does look like him too. Tom said he doesn't know the kid very well. He just saw him hanging out there.
Howard asked Tom how crazy this is. He asked if he wanted to do a 5150 on Arnold. Tom said he didn't do that. He said the whole thing was just a casual thing.
Howard asked Tom if he spoke to Maria. Tom said he did. He said she was having a tough time with it too. Howard asked if Arnold has his kids from the two families boxing. Tom laughed. He said that the kids are great. He said all of the kids are awesome. Howard said Tom has to choose between Maria and Arnold. Tom said he doesn't have to choose. He said he thinks that Arnold and Maria will get back together. He said that Arnold has jokingly asked if he's on his side. He said that he knows Arnold loves Maria. He said she's been good to him and his wife too. Arnold said Arnold does hang out with the family and they do things together.
Howard asked if he really thinks they could get back together. Tom said he's hoping that they do. He said he's not sure if they really will.
Tom said that he has to quit talking about this. He said he hopes that Arnold won't listen to this. He said he's not fighting with Maria or anything. Howard said he's probably going to be wiped out by Maria.
Howard said he heard that Tom is going around Hollywood looking for kids that look like Arnold. Tom said that at least he came completely clean and he's been as honorable as can be. Howard laughed. Tom also said that it takes a man to bang a woman that looks like the maid. Howard asked if he said that to Arnold. Tom said he has to be careful because he doesn't want to insult anyone.
Howard asked if Tom told Arnold that he understands cheating on your wife but the maid doesn't make sense. Tom said that Arnold would just say that she was there and it was convenience.
Tom said he thinks that people will forget all about this when his new movie comes out. Howard said that the maid looks like Lou Ferrigno with tits. Tom got a laugh out of that.
Howard said Tom is probably right about people forgetting if they see him in a good movie. Tom said that Arnold has a new book coming out and he thinks that he should come in there. Tom said that Arnold actually told him he should do Howard many years ago. Howard said they should make a movie about Maria and the maid. Howard said they should do a Newlywed Game with Maria and the maid.
Tom said that Arnold has been very good to him and he's allowed him to do things with him. He said he brought him into a lot of great things and he's changed his life.
Howard asked Tom about the boxing at the party. Tom said that it was just guys who were willing to fight. He said one guy caught on fire trying to light something at the party. Tom said that there were also some women who fought. Howard asked what the best fight of the night was. Tom said it was a couple of Arnold's number one guys who handle his personal stuff. He said they basically have the same position. Howard said they were personal and business associates. Tom said that this one guy Greg won. He's the guy who caught fire.
Howard said Arnold's party sounds pretty crazy. Tom said that you have to size people up at the party as soon as you get there. He said you never know what will happen.
Howard asked Tom who looks stronger for the future fights, the new son or the old son. Tom said the new son, with Maria, is going to be a big kid. Howard said he admires Maria for handling herself the way she has through all of this. Tom said she's shown restraint. He said she really could have come out hard.
Howard said Tom is trying to have a child with his current wife. He's not having much luck. Robin said there are ways to have children. Tom said he really does want kids. He said that Ashley is great and he's been with her for 4 years now. He said she's really awesome. Tom said she definitely has his back. Howard asked if he's going to divorce if he does end up having kids. Tom said eventually he'll be dead and the step-father will take over.
Tom said that he wanted to go the Jimmy Kimmel party with Howard and he wanted to go to that so bad. He said that he had to go shoot Tyler Perry's movie. He said that Tyler had to go speak at the Whitney Houston funeral that day so he thought he was going to be able to go to that party but it turns out he showed up and he did a great job.
Howard said he heard that Tom was in a motorcycle accident in 2008 and his whole asshole closed up or something. Tom said he had his colon explode actually. He said when you take pain meds it can screw up your insides. He said that's what happened to him. He said he was taking like 20 Oxy's a day. Tom said that he had a colostomy for 90 days after that. He said he had an open wound on his chest too. He said he didn't want to show anyone what was going on there but then he got into rehab and there were 17 year olds there. He said he showed them what was going on with his body.
Howard asked if the colostomy makes things easy on you. Tom told Howard that he wanted to take a shit like he had to but the nurses told him he just couldn't do that. He said the nurses had to drag him back to bed.
Tom said the pain meds can weaken the walls of your colon. He said that's what happened to him. Howard said this is why he admires him. He tells the kids what can really happen to them.
Howard asked Tom if his wife is there. Tom said that she is home but she does say hello. Howard asked how his extended family is. Tom said his dad is 75 and he's still around. He said that his sister is still around and she was the biggest meth dealer in the country. Howard asked if he watches Breaking Bad. Tom said he does. Tom said that his sister was great when he was growing up because she was a drug dealer. Howard said she was making $200,000 a week at one point. Tom said they would put the money in the walls and bury it in the yard and all of that. He said she drove a Jaguar and had a plane. She also bought a car dealership and she had a license plate that read ''DEALER'' and she thought that was funny.
Howard said that having that kind of money can lead to problems. Tom said that she had 100 horses and an airplane. He said that it just didn't make sense. He said that what he learned at the end of the day was that she was the boss. He said that she got married when she was 14 and she had some things go wrong so she wanted to get out. Howard asked why she got married at 14. Tom said his mom wanted her to marry this 22 year old she was dating. He said that she even drove them to the place to get married. Howard said it's amazing that Tom turned out okay... or relatively okay. Howard said he's a remarkable man. Tom said Howard is too.
Howard said Tom was raped as a kid too. Howard said he remembers the story as Tom taking a bath and having blood coming out of his ass. Tom said that he was bleeding from the rape and hie dad would have killed the guy if he had found him. He said people think that child molesters walk down the street and grab your kid. He said that's not what happens. He said they romance you and seduce you. He said this guy seduced him and raped him. He said that the guy put his hand in his pants and he put his hand in the guy's pants. He said he remembers thinking how weird the whole thing was. He said it started when he was like 4 years old. Howard said he had a friend who did something like that and it never leaves you. He said you question yourself if you're gay the rest of your life. Howard said it's a terrible thing to do to a kid. Tom said it really is horrible. He said that he sees the Jerry Sandusky thing going on and you just want to tell the kids to tell someone if something is going on like that.
Howard said Tom is in the new movie ''Witness Protection'' and that's opening this Friday. Tom said he's not even in it that much but he plays a Bernie Madoff type of guy. He said Denise Richards is in it too. He said she's an awesome person. Howard said he saw a clip of Denise blowing a lollipop on Andy Cohen's show. He said she was licking this thing and it was so sexual. Tom said you should see what he can do with a Butterfinger. Tom said that Denise is so sweet and she's been through so much. Howard said if you marry Charlie Sheen then you're in for a lot.
Howard said he hopes that Tom ends up doing the Roseanne roast. Howard asked if he's worth $30 million. Tom said he has probably made more than that but he's not worth that much. He said divorce really hurts. Howard asked if he stays in touch with his sister. Tom said he stopped talking to her for about 4 years when she went back to prison. He said he was so disappointed in her that he had to stop visiting. Howard said his sister must be some kind of genius. He said he's not a fan of dealing meth but she must have been a genius to be the biggest meth dealer in the country. Howard asked Tom if he was tempted to get into that. Tom said he thinks his sister knew that he'd use it all if he did. He said things could have gone really bad if he had gotten involved. He said that they had a lot of slimy guys with machine guns around too.
Tom said he has another movie, Hit and Run, coming out with Dax Sheppard, Kristen Bell and Bradley Cooper in it. He said that will be out August 24th. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was in the can. He said that Jon Hein left so maybe he's not going to do this thing. Fred told him he had a live commercial to do first. Howard quickly did that.
Howard had Jon Hein run down his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon went through what they're going to cover on today's show.
Howard asked Jon if his show (Fast Food Mania) is on this weekend. Jon said it's not on this weekend. He said they move the show to Wednesday nights starting July 11th.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Tom Arnold interview was great. He said he always has stories. Howard said Tom has no filter on him and that's what he loves about the guy. Howard said Tom is a lot of fun. He said he has a good time when he comes to the Jimmy Kimmel parties too.
Howard took a call from a woman who welcomed Robin back to the studio (She's wasn't back). Robin thanked her. Howard said now that she's back it's completely different.
The caller said that she was ready to ream Tom out today but she said that his brutal honesty about what he's been through is amazing. She said that he's so open about it and she respects him a lot now. Howard said things change and you can have a different feeling for someone like that. Howard thanked her for the call but she had a question about the AGT shows. She said she has tickets for the first show. Howard said that starts on Monday. She said they have a start time of 6:30pm. Howard said they have him coming in at 5. He said they have to do a live show so they want to make sure everyone is there.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who was sleeping yesterday when he picked up on him. Hanzi said he didn't wake up until 2pm. He said he was still on the phone when he woke up. Howard said he picked him up and his snore is remarkable. He said it's so loud. Robin asked if he has been diagnosed with sleep apnea. Hanzi said he doesn't go to doctors. Howard said he was great yesterday as a fantastic caller. He said in honor of that he's going to give him a shot at winning $1,000. Hanzi said he was going to call and bitch about something but now he can't. Robin asked what he was going to bitch about. Hanzi started to rant but Howard cut him off after he was talking about Debbie the Pet Lady as being a ''clown vagina.'' Hanzi said she gets air play all the time and he doesn't. Howard said he picks up Hanzi and he falls asleep.
Gary came in and said Hanzi can't play because he lives in Canada. Hanzi said he's from New York but then admitted he's from Canada. Howard didn't remember that so Hanzi thought he was kidding and he knows everything about him. Hanzi told Howard to shut up. Howard said he appreciates that he calls in and he's a good actor. Howard asked Gary if they have anything they can give him. Gary said he doesn't think they do. Hanzi asked for them to put him in a movie or something.
Howard said he was sorry but he had nothing for him. Howard said he wanted to give him some money and make his day but he can't do it.
Ronnie came in and said that they don't know that this guy is a real cop. Howard said he's saying the right thing about handling himself. Ronnie said he handles himself just fine. Howard said he saw how Ronnie handled himself and it wasn't good.
Ronnie said that he doesn't like that he has Howard's back and Howard doesn't have his back. Howard said he pays him to have his back. Ronnie was about to walk out but Howard called him back in. Howard said he changed Ronnie's life. He told him to get over his fucking bullshit and listen to him. He said that Dan the Song Parody Man is a friend of his. Ronnie said he's a nobody. Howard said he's being his boss and he's got to listen to him. Howard said he has gotten very far in life with his common sense. Howard said he doesn't like everyone in the room when he walks in but he doesn't say anything. The caller said that he has to lower his voice and stop yelling at people.
Howard told Ronnie that Dan comes up there to do work. He has to treat him nicely. Ronnie said he treats him just fine up there. Howard said Ronnie has to be better than that. The caller told Ronnie to breathe through his nose. Howard said he can't because he has that huge moustache in the way. The caller said he was involved in the Crown Heights riots and he had to stay calm during that. Howard said Ronnie has to be calm around his guests. Howard said Dan didn't say anything bad to Ronnie. Ronnie said he didn't want him there back stage. Howard said he should have told Shuli that he didn't feel comfortable there.
Howard said Ronnie can't be a cop on the show if that's the way he's going to act. The caller asked if it's his height. Howard said he has Dan on the phone now. Robin said that Ronnie missed dying some of his moustache. He walked out a short time later.
Howard said he has some money to give away so he's going to give it to this caller. He was going to play a game but he was running out of time.
Howard picked up on Dan the Song Parody Man who said that he was at that show and he pointed out a spill on the floor as he walked by. He said he didn't want to see him break a hip or something like that. Howard said it didn't need to turn into a yelling match. Dan said he just wanted to thank Ronnie for the great show. Howard said he sees Ronnie yelling at people and telling them to fuck off all the time. Dan said he's still upset about the Madhouse story. Dan said he clearly stated it wasn't Ronnie's fault that Howard's name was dropped. He wasn't trying to throw him under the bus.
Howard said he didn't want to get into all of that but he thanks Dan for calling in. Howard said he's not sure why Ronnie has such a problem with him. Howard thanked Dan for the call. Dan said the amount of stuff he's been doing for the show lately is down because he feels undermined by Ronnie. He said he makes him feel very uncomfortable there when he comes up there. He said he ends up late at meetings because Ronnie doesn't come out and get him. He said he waits until the meeting has already started.
Dan said that the Block Party shows are great. He said Ronnie is great at the party too. Ronnie came back in and said that it's all lies. He said that he doesn't wait to let him into the compound. Ronnie said he can't stand this mother fucker. Dan was trying to talk over him and Ronnie flipped out on him. Robin was cracking up.
Howard said that's his security guy. Howard asked what is going on with him. He said it seems like he's having a breakdown. Ronnie said everyone knows that he's lying through his teeth. Ronnie said Dan is the biggest liar around there. He said Artie will tell you what a liar he is. Howard said he knows that Dan and Artie have had problems but what does that have to do with Ronnie. Ronnie said that it doesn't have anything to do with him. Ronnie said Dan hasn't even been there in New York and he's a user. He said he uses their apartments, food and money. Dan was trying to talk but Ronnie was talking over him.
Howard said Ronnie has to put his feelings aside and let his guests come in. Howard said that he has to stop telling guys who work there ''fuck you'' when they come to work. Ronnie said he was just joking around. Howard said he has to stop it. He told Ronnie to just be a straight shooter. Dan said that he exercises bad judgment. Ronnie said Dan is smart because he uses everyone but everyone sees through him. Howard said Ronnie is creating a hostile environment. Howard said he has to calm down.
Howard said that Ronnie should have told Shuli he didn't want Dan back there. Ronnie said Shuli didn't want him back there either. Howard said a human being would just stay calm and let someone know that he wants him removed.
Howard asked Dan if he's going to the block party in Jamaica. Dan said he's thinking about it. Howard said he has to go. He said that would be some party. Ronnie said they can sit and tan together.
Shuli came in so Howard asked him what's going on with this. Shuli said he didn't even see what was happening. He said that he was told that Ronnie and Dan were going at each other. He said he walked in and saw Dan throwing money at Ronnie. Howard asked Shuli if he had anything to add to this. Shuli said he wants to apologize... but then he got cut off. Howard asked if Ronnie learned anything today. Ronnie said he did. Howard asked what he learned. Ronnie didn't get a chance to answer. Howard told him he's on the road to fucking up so he has to calm down and act like a gentleman.
Shuli said he wanted to make up for this and asked Dan if he wanted to come to Jamaica with them for the Block Party. Ronnie walked out. Shuli said that Ronnie has never had an incident like this back stage before. He said that they have people there who would take care of the problem.
Howard said Ronnie has to calm down. Ronnie came back in and said that there was no camera back there. Howard asked Ronnie if he is security for him. Ronnie said he is. Howard said Ronnie is the only one who doesn't get what the problem is. Howard said Ronnie has other ways of doing this. He said that he could have said something to someone else. Ronnie said someone did ask him to leave and he didn't leave.
Howard said that Ronnie is wrong. Ronnie said he's always wrong. Howard said he has to remember that then. Howard told Shuli to invite Dan to Jamaica. Shuli said he's going to make up a t-shirt that reads ''Even When I'm Wrong I'm Wrong.'' Howard said that's great. Howard said Ronnie has to stop joking around with the guys there at the show. Ronnie said he didn't know they were so uptight there. Howard said this is the Howard Stern Show and not Ronnie's Block Party. He told Ronnie to write that down. Howard let Ronnie and Shuli go after that.
Howard said this is what he deals with all day. He said yesterday he wasn't able to get people on the phone to yell at. Ronnie brought in Howard's food so Howard thanked him for that. Howard asked why it took Ronnie an hour to get over to Newark yesterday but only a half hour home. Ronnie said it was 45 minutes from the city to Newark. He said they only have two choices for getting over there. He said it's either the Lincoln Tunnel or the George Washington Bridge. Gary said they could use the Holland Tunnel. Howard said he's so busy yelling at people that he doesn't know. Gary said that Ronnie might be confused from yelling.
Ronnie came back in and argued that it's the GWB that they can use. Will came in and told him that it's either the Holland Tunnel or the Lincoln Tunnel. Will said that Ronnie is wrong. Robin said Ronnie can't take anything. Howard said Will has lived in Jersey for less than a year and he knows more. Robin said Ronnie really can't handle himself. She said he keeps walking out.
Gary came in and showed Howard a map. Howard said he thought Ronnie knew the best ways but he obviously doesn't. Howard said that his photography guy even knows how to get in and out of there better. Howard said he can't believe that Ronnie doesn't know this stuff. Ronnie came back in and asked if he's kidding about this stuff. Howard asked why he would take the GWB instead of the Holland. Ronnie said they'd have to work their way all the way downtown to get the Holland Tunnel.
Fred did his Ronnie impression and gave directions to Jersey by going up to New Hampshire and making a left at Vermont. Howard had to read a live commercial and take a break after that.
Robin read some news about Jerry Sandusky and how his adopted son came out and said he was molested too. Howard said he likes that they say that it's tough adopting a child but they didn't have any problem. Robin said they adopted 5 kids.
Robin read about Ann Curry and the Today show and what's going on with that. Robin said they say that NBC is saying that she will have a substantial role in the news even when she's off the Today show. Robin said NBC has to pay her anyway so they are in a bind with the whole thing. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about CNN having the lowest ratings in 20 years. Robin said they have about an average of 120,000 viewers. Robin said that Piers Morgan gets about 137,000 viewers for his show and it's less than Larry King ever had.
Robin read some news about Rielle Hunter and John Edwards. She also had a story about a guy who saved the life of a child who fell on the tracks of the subway. Howard said he hates to admit it but he wouldn't have jumped on the tracks. Robin said that the guy missed a job interview.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loved the Billy Corgan interview on Howard TV. Howard said that Doug wanted to mention something about Howard TV. Doug said they have the shows available A la carte On Demand and that will go through September. You don't need a subscription to Howard TV to buy the individual shows.
Robin read about a New York madam who is out of jail on bail now. Robin had some audio of the woman talking about what she'll be doing while she's out of jail.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that it is okay to take the GWB to Newark. Howard hung up on her when she went on a little too long. Howard said they have a big box for Mariann from Brooklyn at the show.
Howard said Eric the Actor was on the phone but he wasn't able to get to him Howard said Eric wanted to remind people that his AGT wrap up show will be on Thursday night since there is a new show on tonight.
Robin read some more news and had a story about Amare Stoudemire being fined for his gay slurs over the weekend.
Robin said that the tennis tournaments may be getting quieter soon. They're going to try and stop the grunting during matches. Howard said he heard some crazy grunting going on during a match. He played a clip of a woman making all kinds of weird noises. Robin wrapped up and had to get running so Howard let her go.
Howard said that Sour Shoes was on WFAN and he won a contest. Sour said that he didn't win anything. He just won. Howard said that Sour was on with Mike Francesa and he was doing his Mad Dog impression. Howard played some audio of Sour doing his thing with Mike. He was doing his Mad Dog Russo impression and talking to Mike as if Mad Dog had returned to the show.
Sour went into his Gary impression and talked to Howard for a few seconds. Howard said that Sour did his Sid Rosenberg impression too when he was talking to Mike. He played another clip where Sour did his Scott Ferrall impression. Then he breaks into Sid Rosenberg and Mike cracked up.
Howard said Sour Shoes had a remarkable appearance. Sour said that Mike was saying he loves the Howard Stern Show. Sour did more of his Gary voice and then did a baby voice and then did a Howie Mandel impression and a Sharon Osbourne impression. Then he broke into Ozzy. He was doing all kinds of impressions. Howard hung up on him in the middle of his Ozzy song.
Howard said he will be on America's Got Talent tonight for two hours. He ended the show a short time later. He was done around 10:20am.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's curious if anyone is really afraid of Ronnie being taken to the ground when he mouths off to the wrong person. Jon said Ronnie is a smart guy and he thinks he can handle himself. He said he doesn't think he fears anyone pounding him. Jon said that Dan is clearly under his skin and all Dan did was thank him for letting him come. Jon said that everyone has felt that way at some point and all he wanted was the guy out of his sight.
Benjy said he's the opposite of that. He said that maybe he was trying to get under his skin. Jon said that people do like to break each other's balls there. Benjy said that Dan did make a hip joke that may have been trying to antagonize Ronnie. Jon said that he also said that Ronnie was making his work suffer. He said that he had to have known that would piss off Ronnie.
Shuli came in and said that they have yet to hear any of this fight. He said it's not like Dan stopped at any point and backed down. He said that Dan was asked to leave and he didn't leave. Benjy asked if he snuck into the back stage. Shuli said they have access for certain people. He said that Dan called and asked to come to the show and he left his name at the door to come see the show. He didn't have an all access pass. Benjy asked who was checking to let him back stage. Jon said that it's not about that, it's about Ronnie not liking Dan. Shuli said he didn't know it was at that level though.
Steve Brandano said that he wants to get back to the comment that Ronnie is affecting Dan's work. Steve said that Dan does his work from home so he's not sure how that can be. Steve said that if you're affecting someone's work there then that's bad but Dan works from home. Benjy said that they're pretty secure there with their jobs. He said Dan works for the show but he's not fully in like they are. He said someone can make you feel very uncomfortable. Steve said Dan doesn't have to come up there to do his job.
Jon said that Dan may have said that because he heard what Howard said about Ronnie affecting the people who work up there. He said that it may have made great radio but it isn't going to help their relationship. Shuli said that he was painting it like he can't even come in anymore.
Jon took a call from a guy who said there is no reason for Ronnie to have this attitude toward Dan. He didn't explain what it was. Jon said that Ronnie will have to speak for himself. Shuli said there are people you meet in your life and they just can't do anything to change that. Jon said that Dan is Ronnie's Newman. They went to break after that.
Shuli said that this is something that Ronnie doesn't want to let go of for whatever reason. Gary said he would just ignore someone instead of yelling at them.
Gary and Jon were also talking about Ronnie's directions to Newark and how he wanted to use the GWB. Gary said that it might be quicker if there's a lot of traffic downtown. Will Murray said that it's really not that complicated. Gary said that it might make sense in an extreme situation to take the bridge.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie has been wrong a lot and he won't admit it. Gary asked if this caller's employees know what he's doing on the weekend. He said that Ronnie's every move is known at these events. That's not normal for most people.
Jon asked the guys if they think that the level of fame Ronnie has is making him different. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said Ronnie can be hot headed and he would probably hate Dan even if he never went on the road. Jon said he thinks that it has affected him in some way.
Ronnie came in so Gary asked him if all of these things he's got going on have affected him and given him a big head. Ronnie said he would argue with Dan even if there was no block party. He said it has nothing to do with a big head.
Jon asked Ronnie why he can't back off. Ronnie said he just can't. He said he doesn't say anything bad to Dan when he comes up there. Gary said that when he says to him that no one likes him up there that affects things up there. Ronnie said he knows that.
Benjy asked Ronnie what Dan said to him that upset him. Dan said that Dan didn't have a laminate to get in the green room. He said he doesn't know how he got in there. Benjy asked what he said to him. Ronnie said Dan thanked him for having him at the show. Ronnie said he didn't invite him and he didn't want him there. He said he didn't know why he was in the room to begin with and that's how it all started. Ronnie said he has no problem with Shuli inviting him. He said Dan was nice about pointing out the water on the floor too. He said that was fine but he just kept walking.
Ronnie said that Dan does this kind of thing at every show. Gary asked Shuli if Dan belonged in the green room. Shuli said he didn't belong in there. Gary asked if Little Mikey showed up and didn't come back stage, would he find that odd. Shuli said probably not. He said he's a harmless guy. Shuli said he wouldn't have invited Dan but Dan helped him out with a lot of stuff when he moved out there. He said he had his issues with Dan too. Ronnie said that Dan called Shuli a hack. Shuli said he remembers that.
Gary said he doesn't think it's that weird that he was back stage. He said maybe he wanted to try and get the relationship back. Ronnie said he doesn't want a relationship with the guy. Jon asked what will happen if he shows up in Jamaica. Ronnie said he won't come unless he pays for a ticket.
Jon said it seems like Ronnie is pissed off at Shuli. Ronnie said that he's playing both sides of the same coin. He said if Dan had never come up to the green room he would have been fine. He said that only Dan came up, not Gianna from the Jay Thomas show. She was at the show. Shuli said that High Pitch Eric came up too and he didn't have a pass.
Jon said that there's a lot of people that Ronnie is pissed at and he's got people pissed at him too. Ronnie said Scott isn't mad at him. He said that something changed yesterday afternoon but he's not going to talk about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Shuli has to stop threatening Ronnie because Ronnie is the draw of the show. Shuli joked about docking Ronnie's pay during the show earlier and the caller said that Ronnie is the one who brings the people in. Shuli said Ronnie is a total team player and he's not going to dock his pay.
Benjy asked Ronnie if he gets straight pay or is he on a split. Ronnie said he gets straight pay and then he gets a bonus if they do really well. He said that's what Scott was going to get too.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that this is like a Ronnie vortex now. Ronnie said he's not trying to do a shtick thing. He said there is no vortex there. The caller said Ronnie used to be great when he would just come in for a short visit. Ronnie said Howard kept calling him in. The caller said he has a perfect gig and he shouldn't ruin it with Dan. Ronnie said sometimes he just can't help himself. Jon said that he has never heard him scream like he did today. Gary said he was a color red he's never seen before too.
Gary asked Jon if he thinks that Ronnie's Block Party has legs on all of the shows they do. Jon said it's not surprising to him. He said it all bleeds into Howard's show. Gary said it's like doing a reality show but instead of doing it in house they send it out on the road. Shuli said that's so true.
Ronnie said he has a good time doing those shows. He said he was signing a woman's boobs the other night. Jon said it must be tough to keep a level head with all of the stuff he has going on. Jon said he has stuff going on too and he's trying not to let it affect him. Ronnie said he's the same way.
Jon asked Ronnie about the driving to Newark thing. Ronnie said all he was saying was that they can use the bridge if the tunnel is backed up. Gary asked how bad it would have to be. Ronnie said when they close the tubes to the tunnel it's a good way to go. Gary said it sounded like he was telling Howard that was the best way to go all the time.
Benjy asked if they have tried to get a police escort. Ronnie said he has talked to some people but they won't have a special lane or anything. Gary said P.Diddy had a police escort and the cops got into trouble for that. Ronnie said they don't really need the help that was offered. He said that once they get off the highway they only have a 1/4 mile to go to the theater. He said it's not that far and it wouldn't help that much. Jon went to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the Sour Shoes bit blew him away. He said that his impressions were good and he's quick. He said he's not sure why he's not famous. Benjy said he thinks that he needs someone to say they could make a career with him. Gary said he's shocked that someone doesn't hire him to do voices. He said he should put an act together.
Shuli said that Sour Shoes came out to do a show with them and he had all of this crap piled in the back of the car. He said that he looks like a mental patient but he does all of these voices and songs and it's so weird to deal with. Gary said he read a book about Andy Kaufman and his car sounds like Sour Shoes car.
Ronnie said that Sour used to show up at their other studio and he would plug in outside somehow. He'd make pancakes out on the street. Gary said he'd have a griddle with him making pancakes out there with his keyboard right next to that.
Jon asked JD about all of the attention he's been getting lately and if he has noticed any change in Ronnie. JD said he hasn't really. Will said that Ronnie's head got bigger and JD's ass got bigger. Shuli said his next invitation to the block party is Will. JD said he won't come if Will is there.
Jon said that they were talking about Joe's father and how he turned on him when he found out what he did with the Nazi propaganda. Gary said he would probably distance his father if he found out something like that. He said he's not sure he could cut them off completely.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Dan the Song Parody Man has been in his recording studio and he's the nicest guy on the planet. He said he has never said a negative word about anyone ever. He said that Ronnie is becoming psychotic. Ronnie said ''whatever... this guy has his opinion.'' The caller said that he's a limo driver and now he's going to blow it all with this. Ronnie said that he can have his opinion. Ronnie said that this caller hasn't seen what goes on up there. The caller said that he thinks that Ronnie is going to blow it.
Will said they had a smoking closet up there at K-Rock and Dan would come in and work in that room. Gary said he remembers that. It was a closet next to Scott's studio. That's where Dan did his work. Shuli said when they first got there to Sirius Dan was moving people's desks around and people were wondering what he was even doing up there.
Jon brought up Tom Arnold and Gary said he loved that story he told about telling Arnold he should get the DNA test for the maid's kid because he looked like him.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks it's going to be like after Howard starts doing the live shows. Gary said it's going to be bad and he's said that already. He said there is no way to prepare for it. He said you just have to go into it.
Benjy asked Ronnie if he and Howard talk about stuff that happens during the show. Ronnie said they talk but not about stuff like that. They just pretend that it never happened. He said they had a whole beautiful conversation this morning before the show and he had no idea this was all coming today. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Paris Hilton On Larry King Show Clips Played. 06/28/07. 6:00am
Howard started off the show talking about the Larry King interview with Paris Hilton. He said it was making him sick just knowing that he was hanging on every word of Paris' when he really shouldn't care. Howard said Larry didn't call her out on anything during the interview either. He said that she'd never show up there on his show because he'd really hit hard with his questioning. He suggested that they sentence people like that to interviews with him when they get out of jail.
Howard said Larry didn't bring up Paris' home sex video. Gary said he heard Paris talking about going to a lot of board meetings and stuff in that interview. Howard said that she got famous because of her porn movie, that's it. Howard said he was going to play some clips from the show and the first one was Paris giving Larry her favorite bible verse. She said that she wasn't allowed to bring the bible in with her so she had to buy one. She told Larry that she didn't have a favorite passage to give him. Larry also asked her if she was going to go to mass and she said she might.
More Paris Hilton Clips. 06/28/07. 6:10am
Howard got back to the Larry King, Paris Hilton clips. Paris talked about the food she ate while she was in jail. She brought up a bologna sandwich that she'd eat for lunch. She had some ''jail slop'' for dinner. Artie said that he had those bologna sandwiches and it's not even really bologna, it looks like olive loaf or something and it's the color of maroon.
Howard played a couple more clips of Paris talking about her jail sentence. She said she feels stronger than ever after serving her time. She thinks that it was a blessing in disguise. Howard said that she's a weird chick. Howard found another clip where she talks about her mystery illness that led to her release a few days after she went into jail for the first time. Paris talked about having panic attacks because she has claustrophobia. Howard said that no one likes small jail cells, he's pretty sure of that. Robin said Paris was trying to say some lines to Larry that turned out to be kind of mixed up.
Artie said that she really is a bore and Howard said that's why he resents her success. He read through some of the titles of the clips he had to listen to and one of them was Paris talking about her first jail note. Robin told him to play that. Paris tells Larry about the note and then reads it to him. Larry asks her if she wants to read more and of course she did. The first one was supposed to be a poem but Howard said it didn't rhyme so it wasn't a poem.
Howard said he was watching this Riley Martin special on Howard TV yesterday and it was very odd to see Riley rubbing Richie from Howard TV when he was standing next to him. He said he skipped over a lot of the stuff in the show because he had seen it but it was still compelling TV.
Howard played another clip where Paris was reading the notes she wrote while she was in jail. In this one she talked about the other women in jail and how a lot of them are caught in this viscous circle where they end up homeless and then go back to jail over and over again.
Howard found another clip where Paris talked about how she's still trying to find herself. Larry asked her what she doesn't like about herself. She said her voice getting high when she gets nervous is something she's trying to change. Artie laughed when he heard that. Paris likes her low voice which is very much a monotone.
Gary came in and said there was a web site that listed how many times she said certain words like I, My, Like, Me and I'm. They came up with these numbers:
In the clip Howard was taking calls and letting callers try to stump Jackie with their jokes. Howard was actually getting some of the punch lines before Jackie even had to jump in. Howard took one call where the caller said he had a clean joke but he used the word ''fag'' in the joke.
Howard took a call from Mrs. Flemstein who had a bunch of jokes. That was Fred calling in doing a voice. He rattled off joke after joke for Howard and Jackie.
In the clip Howard took a call from a guy who was asking about some guy who was bad mouthing Howard in the news. Howard and the caller spent a minute talking about that before letting that guy go. Howard took another call from a guy who said he'd like to know when Robin's book will be out as a movie. Howard said that will be out next week. Robin said she doesn't have any plans for a movie.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard about something Jesse Jackson was saying about him on the Charlie Rose show. Howard went off on Jesse Jackson for a minute.
The caller told Howard he went to Camp Welmet and he was tortured while he was there. The guy said that his name was Steve and he told Howard he should make a movie. Howard cut him off and hung up on him. He said he doesn't know what the guy is talking about. He said he runs into guys like that on the street and you have no idea what they're talking about.
Howard took another call from a woman who said it was her birthday. Howard said they must do a dedication then. Howard said they do that all the time. She asked if they really do. Howard asked if all of Chicago was as stupid as her. She said she's only 18 and she told Howard she's having sexual thoughts about other women. Howard asked if she's had sex with a girl yet. She said she has experimented. Howard asked if she's had sex with guys. She said she has. She's been active since she was 14. Howard asked what happened with the girls. She said she always wanted to go further than her friend. She said she likes breasts. Howard said he does too but he's a vagina man all the way. He said some men are leg men and some are breast men but he's a vagina man. Howard said he reads lips and told Robin to come over there.
Howard said he's actually a taint man more than a vagina man. He asked the caller if she knew what it was. She said that she didn't know. Howard told her it's the piece of skin between the butt and the vagina. She asked why he would like that. Howard said he just does. Howard said if the girls bottom part was a barbell the taint would be the bar. He said he likes that smelly bar.
Howard asked the caller what she's done with other girls. She said she's kissed them. Howard asked if she's hot. She said she's kind of chubby but she's damn sexy. Howard said he's yet to meet one of those. Howard asked if she can't get guys and that's why she's going for the girls. She said she's always been able to get guys. Howard asked how much she weighs. She said she's between 250 and 300 pounds. She said she's 5'10'' tall. Howard said that's a big girl. Howard said if he was a young girl all he'd want to be is thin. He said she just has to run for a half hour and run as fast as she can. Howard said she should let the weight come off.
Howard asked if she's eating now while she's making this call. She said she's not. Howard asked what she had for breakfast. She said she didn't have it yet today. The caller said she had a bowl of cereal yesterday. Howard asked how many boxes she had.
Howard asked what foods she likes. The caller said she had corn flakes. Howard said if she just ate 3 normal meals a day she'd be somewhat normal looking. The caller said her mom cooks. Howard asked what she eats and if she just sits around on her ass. Howard said she's only 18 and she's 300 pounds. Howard said she should want to be thin. Howard said she would be smelly down there if she's that heavy. The caller said she's not smelly down there.
Howard asked if she was naked. She said she was so Howard told her to put some clothes on. Howard said he was with Amy Lynn yesterday and it would take 3 of her to equal this caller. The caller said she finds women that skinny to be disgusting.
Howard asked what else the caller ate yesterday. She said she had some grapes after breakfast. Howard told her that those make you fat. She said they do not. Howard said they do. She told Howard she had about 20. Howard told her she has to stop indulging herself in this stuff. He said she shouldn't have milk. The caller said she was born chubby. Howard asked if she was molested as a child. She said she was. Howard said it's no wonder she was molested. He asked if she was molested with a chocolate bar. She laughed.
Howard asked who molested her. She said it was a neighbor. Robin asked how old she was. She said it was between 5 and 10. Howard told her to go eat. He understands now. She said that the guy was a few years older than her. Fred played a Jackie laugh. Howard asked if he was a chef. She said no.
Howard told the caller she has to get over this. He said she could go kick his ass if she's 300 pounds. Howard asked if she told anyone about it. She said she didn't. Howard said she should get down there so he can look her over. Robin told her to stay home. Howard told her to get out and get some sun and fresh air. She said she's going to go job hunting.
Howard found out the caller ate some cheese yesterday too. Howard said that puts weight on you too. Howard asked what she had between dinner and lunch. She said she didn't have anything. Howard asked what she had for dinner. Billy West did his Tommy Lasorda impression and told her that SlimFast worked for him.
Howard asked if the caller's mom is big too. The caller said her mom is bigger than her. Howard asked what she ate. She said she had some Alfredo pasta. She said she went out and got a couple of burritos too. Billy threw in a fart sound when he heard that. Howard told her to come in if she's ever in the city. He said they'll look her over and make her feel really bad about herself. Howard let her go and then Billy West did his 'Gina Man impression and said ''God don't want me yet man... I got lots more of everything to taste.'' They went to break a short time later.
Ted Nugent Comes In. 6/28/00. 8:50am
Rock star Ted Nugent came in to promote his new book ''God, Guns & Rock and Roll'' and the tour that he's on with Kiss right now. Ted's wife Shemane also came in with him to hang out during the interview. She spent a few minutes telling Howard how the two of them were introduced. She said a month after they were introduced they were engaged and within 3 months they were married. She said that they just knew they were meant to be together.
Howard pointed out that Ted is against the use of drugs but he's kind of crazy in his own way. Stuttering John came in and said that Ted lectured him one time. John and his band were on tour with Ted and Ted lectured the whole band on the use of drugs. John and his whole band were stoned the whole time. John said that Ted didn't allow any drugs on his tour but John was wasted anyway. He's into guns and hunting but he's always telling people not to do drugs. Ted told Howard about some of the kills he's had over the years and that he hasn't had to purchase meat in his home in a very long time. He's always out killing stuff to eat. He's got his own 2000 acre ranch to do his killing at also. He said that over the years he has killed a lion, an elephant and even a monkey. This didn't sit too well with some of the audience so Howard started to let some of the calls come through. Ted would answer the calls by saying ''Happy bass season!'' Sal the Stockbroker called in trying to disguise his voice but eventually he just came out and told Ted that ''You're more washed up than Gary's Water Pik!'' Howard hung up on him after that. Other calls told Ted that they didn't like him for killing innocent animals. There were some callers who are fans of Ted's though. They told him that they would hunt with him any time.
Ted also spoke about touring with KISS. One listener called in and said that he remembered seeing a little known band open up for Ted back in '76. The band was Cheap Trick. Ted said he also introduced AC\DC and Def Leppard among other bands way back when. Ted told Howard that he's had to give up his radio show while he's on tour wit KISS but when that's done he'll go back to it. He also said that his band ''Damn Yankees'' will have a new album out this fall sometime.
Ann Marie, who works in the office, was upset with the whole hunting discussion but she didn't want to confront Ted while he was there. She came in after he was gone and said that even though she's not a vegetarian she's not happy with Ted taking such pleasure in killing animals. Ann Marie eats meat but she said she doesn't have any desire to know where it comes from. She said she knows she probably comes off as a hypocrite but that's the way she feels.
In the clip Howard took a call from a woman who was upset with him about something he was talking about. She was starting to go off on him about politics but Howard cut her off asking if she was menstruating. She said that has nothing to do with anything. Howard said he thinks it does. The caller told Howard that he was wrong about something he was saying about Roe Vs. Wade and the Supreme Court reviewing it. The caller said that it's called Judicial Review. Howard said she's a dope who is menstruating. Howard told her to spread her legs and air it out down there. The caller told Howard that abortion will never be totally illegal.
Howard told her she's a dope and she's not good for her own kind. Howard told her that she has no femininity at all. He said she sounds like a man. Howard said she's wrong about the abortion thing. He said that it could end up being illegal. Howard said she's a naive, stupid bitch. The caller told him to calm down. She said name calling like that just ruins his argument.
Howard asked if she went to college. She said she's in school now and she's studying law. Howard said that's just what we need, another lawyer. Howard asked if she's into guys or girls. She said that has nothing to do with anything. She said she had a boyfriend. Howard said all her brains are in her hairy crotch. Howard said he would rather get run over by a car than hear her give her opinion. He said her opinions are based on stupidity.
Howard and the caller went back and forth arguing about the abortion issue. Howard said you can't wish it to be true and have it come true. Howard said he wants her to go to a charm school first of all. He said it's called the Wilfred Beauty Academy. Howard asked how big her breasts are. She said that has nothing to do with this. Howard said he'd bet that she'll be down there showing them off for tickets next week.
Howard told the caller to do an abortion on her tongue. She said she's going to come up there when she gets her degree. Howard said she won't be up there. He said she's no match for him. He said they're going to eat her up in court.
Howard told the caller that abortion was illegal in this country at one time. He said it could happen again. Howard said she's very befuddled and she's never going to be a lawyer. Howard said he's going to give her the number for a real attorney and he'll laugh at her for a few minutes. Howard told her to rethink this whole thing.
The caller said she just wants to say that when people don't like something they will come out against it. She said that abortion will always be legal. Howard let the woman ramble while Robin read her news. She eventually hung up. Howard said she's going to go to court and the judge is going to bang a gavel on her head. He said there are so many annoying people out there.
In the clip Howard was telling Robin about how he bought his first jock strap at Herman's sports. He said that he had to get one for school. He told Robin about that and also mentioned how he had boobs when he was a kid. Howard said jock straps come in sizes. He said he had to get a small one. He said he would have been swimming in a big one. Howard said he had a little, tiny, thin jock strap. Jackie said he remembers having the smallest one they had and not even beginning to fill it up. Howard said that's what it was like for him too.
Howard said the back of the jock strap is open and that's just not right. He said his buddy Lou had a nice jock strap and he was jealous of it.
In the clip Howard was talking to Robin about playing this ''Buttman'' bit they came up with. Howard said he likes The Poker character in the bit. He played the bit which was a Batman parody. Howard played Buttman and Fred was Alfred. Fred also played The Poker. Buttman and Poker sang a song together at the end of the bit.
After the bit Howard took some calls and asked what people thought about the bit. He was getting positive reviews. One guy was trying to say Howard was sucking in Philly because he came in number 2 in the ratings. Robin said this guy just wishes he were Howard.
Howard took a couple more calls and one kid asked to hear the bit again. Howard said the kid sounds kind of young to be listening. The kid was only 13. Howard said that was the worst part of his life being 13 and sounding like a girl. The kid asked if he will play it over. Howard said he can't play it for the kid. He said it's rated R. Howard said he doesn't want people saying that he's a bad influence on the kid. The kid said his 20 year old brother wants to hear it too. Howard said he'll play it for him then.
More Various Stuff. 6/28/02. 8:05am
Howard played a tape that one of the guys on the show put together from clips of the BET Hip Hop Awards. It featured the ''Hip Hop Vernacular'' used during the show. There was a lot of ''Y'all'' and ''first and foremost'' lines and some other stuff like that. Howard spent some time playing with that. Howard said that Will Smith has become really annoying and played some of the clips of him talking at the awards show. Will thanked Mohammed Ali at one point and that led to Howard and Artie goofing on Ali's mumbling for a short time. Howard had to cut off the tape of Will Smith because he was rambling so much.
In the clip Howard was complaining about people stealing his ideas there at WNBC. Howard said Imus stole his Sue Simmons bit. Howard had a 16 year old kid in the studio and asked if he ever got on the air before he put him on. Howard said he took this kid on and thought he'd be good on the air. Howard said he heard that Soupy Sales asked him to be on his show. The kid, Andy, said he had nothing to do with telling Howard about that. Howard said this kid passed his audition to get on his show and that's where his job is. Howard said if he goes on another show then he's off this show. Andy said that he told Soupy what movies to see and he liked hearing that. Howard said he's his movie reviewer, not Soupy's. Howard asked what movie he'll be reviewing today. Andy said he'll be reviewing Cocoon.
Howard said he wanted to put this kid on the show and make him one of their bits. The next thing he knows he's on every other show. Howard said his show has become the catering plate for everyone else's show. Robin said she can't even listen to the station with what's going on. Howard said they should go out and find their own 16 year old kid to put on. He said Soupy and his guys are banned from listening to the show. Howard said they end up coming around complaining when they listen. Howard asked Gary if they've asked him to go on their show yet. Gary said they have Lee on their show so they don't need him.
Howard said radio is full of whores. He said they just steal from him. He said they hear something they like and they just take it. He said he talked to his father about it the other night and he told him to just ignore them. Robin said this is like NBC doing 25 Carson shows before Carson comes on. Robin said they wouldn't do that with the TV shows.
Howard said he was told to not belch on the air. He said he's going to keep doing it though. Howard said that Andy is on their show and if he does the other show then he's off this show. Howard said he's not going to put up with this ripping off crap.
Howard said he doesn't want 90 people imitating him on their shows. Howard said it's bad enough that Imus is saying Dick Face on his show after taking it from him. Howard said Imus wasn't doing that 4 years ago.
Howard tried calling Randy Baumgarten to tell him they're going to quit if they keep letting other shows rip them off. Howard got Randy's secretary and ended up talking to her for a couple of minutes. Howard said he waned to know when he could come up there and talk to Randy. She said Monday is pretty busy. Howard said he's thinking about leaving the radio station. The secretary asked how 2:15 was. Howard said that's good. Howard said he's going to be up there to tell Randy about these shows that are stealing from his show. The secretary said she doesn't know what he's even talking about.
Henry Hill Calls In, Moaning In Pain. 06/28/05. 7:20am
Howard came back from break and said they're still looking for women over the age of 70 who would like to get into the porn business. He said they've had no takers so far. Fred played a but they created to advertise that search and there was some Kenny G music playing during that but Howard thought it was Clarence Clemmens music from when he was coming on to Robin one time. That led to Fred playing that clip where Clarence was sweet talking Robin on the show one time.
Howard said Henry Hill was on the phone. He was apparently an outpatient at a rehab center. Henry told Howard that he's been in rehab about 10 times but Howard figured it was more like 20 times. Henry told Howard that they thought he had throat cancer as well but he doesn't. Henry said that he's as ''fit as a fissle'' and was slurring his words as he was talking to Howard. Howard asked him what he wanted but Henry was barely able to get out that he's opened an Italian restaurant in North Platte, Nebraska. Howard thought he said ''Plywood'' Nebraska or something like that. Henry was slurring out some other stuff so Howard asked him to count to ten and then count backwards to find out if he's drunk. Henry wasn't able to count backwards but he quickly changed the subject and told Howard he's got his own sauce coming out soon.
Henry claims that he's in a lot of pain and that's why he's slurring the words. Howard said it's probably Karma coming back to get him for killing all of those people. Henry said he didn't kill anyone though. He was moaning and sounded like he was dying to Howard. Henry said he was swimming yesterday and all of his muscles are killing him from that. He got in a plug for his gravy which is available at SundayGravy.net
Howard took a call from this guy Pauly who always calls in when Henry calls in. He said he's happy that Henry is in pain and brought up how Henry was caught trying to bring some drugs on a plane recently. Henry claims that it was an empty syringe and it was just insulin that was in the needle. Henry was still moaning and Pauly was goofing on him about it. He told Henry to take the marbles out of his mouth and speak up. Howard asked Pauly why Henry is still alive after all he's been through. Pauly said that Henry's been hiding all of these years so that's why he's still alive. Pauly said that he wants to meet Henry face to face but the last time he showed up, Henry failed to show up. Pauly said he just wants to tell Henry face to face what he thinks about him. He's not looking to punch him in the face or anything like that.
Gary said that these days Henry isn't hiding. Years ago it was a hassle to get him on the phone, these days it's no problem just calling his number and asking for him. Howard said that Henry has to be high on something and Gary said he didn't sound like this yesterday. He was still moaning in pain so Fred was playing some moaning clips from this porn movie with an old lady moaning. Howard told Henry he sounded like a shark had attacked him or something.
Zolar called in and said he can't believe this guy is only 62, he looks 80. Zolar also claims that Henry was with him in a limo and pulled out a crack pipe and started to smoke crack in the car. Henry said that was years ago and he doesn't do that anymore. Zolar said he could have put an ice pick in the back of his neck at the time but no one was willing to pay him half a million to do that. Zolar said he couldn't wait to get out of the car with the guy when he was with him. Henry was telling Howard he was going to call him back in a couple of days after the pain goes away. Robin wondered if he was alone today. Henry said he's with Marie. Howard wondered who Maria is so Gary told a story about how he found out that Marie is his god daughter but he's only known her for about 3 weeks. Henry put Marie on the phone and she told Howard about the pain he's in and how she thinks he may be having some stomach problems like maybe a gall bladder problem. No one ever sounds like that after swimming. Howard told her she should get out of there and for her to tell Henry to feel better.
Shark Talk. 06/28/05. 7:35am
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the movie ''Batman Begins.'' He was wondering how Bruce Wayne's parents died in the comic books because he was trying to get it straight. Howard told him that it was a young Joker who did it. The caller was also asking Howard about his ideas to kill all of the sharks out there. Howard said that there was another shark attack yesterday and a guy lost his leg to an attack. The guy was only about 60 feet out according to Howard. Richie from E! came in and said that most attacks happen in 3 feet of water but the caller said that's not the case. He was also telling Howard that sharks are the garbage men of the ocean and eat the diseased fish out there. Howard thinks that the oceans are ours now and the sharks should all be destroyed so we're not attacked while swimming. The caller told him that if he doesn't want to be attacked, he shouldn't go swimming. Howard had to take a break a short time later.
In the clip Howard was talking to Stuttering John about his dad working for the Port Authority as an architectural engineer. He said they have some problems with the 59th Street bridge. Howard asked what his dad is doing about that. John said he's not sure what's taking so long and what they're doing. He said that they failed to put some kind of linseed oil on the cables to keep them from rusting so they rusted.
Howard said he had to get to what John does best and that's interviews. Gary said this first one is with John Amos. John said he ran into this guy John Amos and Gary walked away. He said that Gary didn't even see the interview. Gary said he saw the whole thing. Howard said Gary ran away because he thinks he's a big star. Gary said it's hard for him not to laugh during those interviews. Gary said John got about 4 questions out and Amos left and came back again later. He said Amos was trying to get John out of there when he came back.
Howard played the audio and John was asking John if he listens to Howard. John said he does listen once in a while. He said Howard is a sick man. John told Amos he's a big fan. He asked if he's Jewish, if he smokes pot and if he worships Satan. Amos said no, not anymore and no. John asked a couple more questions and Amos sounded like he was getting fed up but he stuck around through a bunch. He said he'd get back to him after doing something else.
Gary said that a woman came up and grabbed him by the arm and said he had to do a group picture. Gary said he did come back a couple minutes later. Howard played the rest of the interview after he came back. Amos was answering his questions but then he asked someone if they needed him... please! Gary said he was doing that eye thing he does like he wanted to get out of there. John was stuttering so Amos asked how the fuck he got this job with a speech impediment. John asked a couple more and Amos seemed to be having fun with them. He eventually said he was out of there after getting one question about his genitals.
Gary said the next interview was with Sylvia Miles. John asked if she was Jewish and she said she was but John said he couldn't tell because her nose was small. Howard and Robin both told her that was out of line. Howard replayed that part and the rest of the interview. John asked her if she worships satan. She said she's an actress and she's not going to say anything creepy. She said she's a nice person trying to make a buck. She asked what he was asking her about Satan for. John asked her another question about 2 Live Crew. She said she's not into that. She said that she's into rock and roll. She was going off on John about the dopey questions and said she had to go back to play baseball with her team.
Howard said he thinks the Jewish thing got her. Howard said it's not like he went up to John Amos and asked him where the bone was in his nose.
Howard said he has to put together John's racial interviews. John said he's not racist at all. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Howard had to do a live commercial so he ended up talking to John a little longer. Howard and John talked about how John had gotten in trouble with his neighbors for playing music too loud. Howard said he would go mad if he was his neighbor. John said they're selling their house. John wanted to say something else but he stopped himself. Howard wanted to know what it was. John said the neighbors do a lot of stuff wrong too. Howard said he hopes that John ends up living next to a neighbor that insists on playing loud music. He said that way he'll know what it's like. He spent a few more minutes talking to John about his band room at his parent's house.
Howard came back and Gary told him that John got an interview with Spalding Gray. Howard played that one and Spalding was talking about why he doesn't like Howard Stern. John asked him if he's going to do another one of those one man shows. He said he is. Howard said he runs away when he hears ''one man show.''
Howard played an interview that John did with Phil Donahue. John asked him if he ever used his glasses for evil purposes or to burn ants. Phil said he hasn't done that. John asked if he's punched anyone out lately. Phil said he hasn't done that. John ran through a few more questions and had one about hoping Oprah eats so much that she explodes. Phil said that wasn't funny and walked away.
Howard said that was nice music in the background. They were playing Dixieland music at the event they were at. Howard replayed the clip to hear it again.
Howard had one more to play. John got an interview with Tony Guida and he ended up freaking out. Howard said Tony is an NBC news guy. Gary said they waited until he was off the field and they grabbed him to interview him. He said the publicist came over and started ranting and raving to him about how they're never going to be invited to another event like this again. Howard played the clip and John asked Tony if he knew Howard. Tony said he's heard the name. John asked if he's a Jew, if he smokes pot and if he worships satan. Tony said no to all of those. John asked the other generic questions he had and Tony seemed fine with most of them. John asked him what ethnic group was number one and Tony sounded like he was getting upset. Tony said Howard should come out and ask these questions. The publicist asked if he was ready to go back to the game. John asked what kind of reading material he brings into the bathroom and Tony said he should take this somewhere else. John apologized. They asked him to leave the event after that. Gary said they got pushed out of Central Park after that. Gary said Tony wasn't finding the humor in it. Howard thought he was fine until the publicist showed up.
In the clip Howard said he had audio of his 6th grade band playing ''Psychadelic Bee.'' Howard played some of that for Robin and he said he didn't think it stood the test of time. Howard said they only rehearsed that song 900 times. He said all they wanted to do was get girls. Howard and Robin went through the song going through the lyrics trying to figure out what he had written.
Howard said he has his song ''Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes'' to play too. He said he won't interrupt this one because it's so good. He said he thought this one was going to put them over the top. Howard said he used to send it into a magazine trying to get them to pay some attention to them.
Gary told Howard he had Robert Carger on the phone. He was one of the guys in the band. Howard said Robert is areal good looking guy. He was the one who got the girls. Howard said he was like Ringo himself while Robert was like Paul.
Howard said he thinks this song is the one that was going to make them huge. He played the song and Robert started laughing. Howard said he sounded like a big homo himself. Robert said he was a very talented homo. Billy West did his impression of Howard starting the song. Howard said they had to teach Dickowitz how to play that one drum part. He said they busted his balls for hours. Howard said they were always right and he was always wrong. Howard said they have a big drum solo in the song and you'll see why they needed it right.
Howard said they played a bar mitzvah once. He said they were awful and they really should have been called ''The Losers.'' He said it was really bad.
Howard played more of the song and laughed when the drum solo played. Howard said it really wasn't very good. He said he thinks there's a solo twice in the song. Howard said the song was about prostitution and he's never revealed that. Robin said she knew that's what it was. She said she could tell from the lyrics. Robert said they should get back together and play. Howard said maybe he'll bring back the band at a funeral or something. Howard said Dickowitz has a hard on about coming on the show so he's sure he'll show up.
Howard said that guy was like his best friend in elementary school. Howard said he was very nervous for him back then because he had an operation on his shoulder. Howard said he thought he was going to die and he was all freaked out about it. Howard said Carger's brother let him smell his hand and that's how he got introduced to sex. Howard said he's not sure what the brother is doing now. He said the guy let him smell his hand before he washed up after being with a girl. Howard said the guy was a lot older at the time. He said he was a real good guy. He said he let him look at his National Enquirers too. Howard said the guy told him he got to third base and how good it felt. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking about that.
FWR3: Gange Girl Problems & Fight With John - June 18, 1993. 06/01/12. 7:55am
Next on Fight Week they played a segment from 1993 when Howard talked to Mike Gange about his girl problems and Gange got into it with John.
In the clip Howard was talking about how Mike Gange broke up with the girl he set him up with at the station. Howard said this girl, Jen, was really nice and cute. Howard had him come in to talk about this. Gange was all depressed according to Howard. Howard said he has to stop acting like a burnt woman. Gange said he's not acting like that. Howard said he never really wanted that girl Jen. Gange said he did and he still does. Howard said if he got her back Gange would dump her for someone else. Gange said he's not like that. He said he is a jerk in some ways but he's not like that.
Howard said Gange broke up with Jen because he thought he could do better. Howard said he told him he can't do better but he didn't listen to him. Gange said he never said he could do better. Gange said he never said he hated her or anything like that. Howard said he knew Gange wanted something else. He wanted something like what he sees on Baywatch. Gange said they're so wrong about this.
Howard said their other intern, Mikey Stein, has always liked Jen. He said that he never hit on her when Gange was going out with her. Howard had Mikey on the phone so he got him on. Mikey was there with Jen. Howard said maybe Gange should leave. Gange said that's just wrong in his book. He said he didn't want to hear this story.
Gange told Mikey that he didn't go out with his sister because he didn't want to freak him out. He said he thinks it's wrong if Mikey is uncomfortable with it. Mikey said he wouldn't have had a problem with it at all. He said he was fine.
Howard said Gange wanted to move on to greener pastures so he broke up. Mikey asked John if he should date Jen and it looked like it was over between them. Gange said he never said that. He said they stayed together for a long time after they thought they broke up. Gange said she just didn't want to tell anyone.
Howard said Jen was the best thing that ever happened to Gange. Howard said now Mikey is with her. Mikey said that they've been friendly for a long time.
Stuttering John came in and Gange went off on him thinking that he was pushing Mikey to date her. John said that Mikey is his close friend and he's been friends with him a long time. He said he didn't push him into it. Gange said he must have told Jen that he's a great guy. John said he was trying to get Mikey back together with another girl.
Gange said he wishes that John had stayed out of it. John said he did. Gange said that he knows that he was going behind his back and told her to go out with him. Howard said he believes that John did that. John said Mikey liked her before Gange even went out with her.
Robin said that this is all Gange's fault because he wasn't able to make a commitment to Jen. She said that Mikey might as well go for it if Gange isn't going for it. She said she doesn't get why he has to hate now.
Howard said Gange was ready to move on. He said he could get her back for him tomorrow but he won't do it. Howard said Gange is like him. He said he thinks he wants her but he really doesn't. He said that Gange doesn't think she's good enough for him. Gange said he just found this out recently. He said he has had other dates. Howard said Gange just wants what he can't have. Gange said that's not it. Howard said Gange should concentrate on stealing Grillo's girlfriend.
Howard asked Mikey if Jen is his girlfriend now. Mikey said they are dating but they're not exclusive. Mikey said she's not really there either. He was just joking around. Howard said Gange was really bummed about that too.
Howard said everyone loves Gange but Jen. He asked if he wants her back. Gange said they should get her on the phone. Howard said this is like a new game show... The Love Bloat. Gange threatened to take Jackie's pen after that joke.
Howard asked Mikey how long he's been going out with Jen. Mikey said they've gone out a few times. Mikey said they're not talking everyday. He said they have just gone out a few times. He said it's not really serious. He said they're just enjoying being single. Howard said this is the best thing for Gange. Howard said Gange could end up getting back with her and then 5 years down the road he'll wonder why he gave up his freedom.
Gary said he tracked Jen down on her vacation. Howard picked up on her and told her what was going on. She had missed it so she said she wished she'd heard it. Gange said he'd send her a tape.
Jen told Howard that she was the one who dumped Gange. She was hesitating saying why she did that. Gange told her to say whatever she wants. Howard said Jackie is leaving Nancy for Jen now. Howard said he heard that Gange got drunk and stormed out of the restaurant after she dumped him. Howard said he heard he stormed out of the restaurant too. Gange asked where he heard that. Howard said he won't squeal. He jokingly said it was Stuttering John who told him so John flipped out saying it wasn't him.
Howard asked Jen where Mikey takes her. She told Howard some of the places they've gone. Howard laughed. He asked if Gange stormed out of dinner so he wouldn't have to pay. Jen said he actually did pay that night. Gange said he's sorry for acting the way he did.
Howard said Gange isn't talking to John and now he hates Mikey Stein. Gange said he's an ex-friend. Gange said you don't fish in his pond. He said he won't be friends with someone like that. Howard asked Jen if she'll be friends with Gange. She said she wants to be friends but she doesn't want to go out with him anymore. Howard asked if she wants Mikey Stein now. Jen said they're making such a big deal out of this.
Howard said he doesn't get this. He told Gange to say something. Gange didn't have anything to say. Howard said these guys don't know how to fight over a woman.
Gange said that he has gotten past that whole Italian pride thing. He said he loves Jen and he always will. Howard laughed. He said he loves this because Gange is a kook. Howard said he loved that ''you don't fish in my pond'' line. Mikey asked where that pond is anyway. Gange said he's talking about all of his ex-girlfriends. Mikey said he wouldn't want any of them.
Howard asked Jen if she's dating other people. Jen said she sure is. She said she doesn't want to jump into a relationship again. She just got out of one. Gange said he's the same way.
Howard asked Jen if Gange has any shot at all with her. Jen hesitated so Howard said that's a good sign. Then Jen said it's over for her. She said that she's not going to change her mind. Gange said he knows how stupid he was and he has changed. He said he has confessed that he was wrong.
Howard wrapped up the discussion and Mikey asked Gange not to be like he's being. He said he gets what he's saying about not swimming in his pond. Gange said it's a loyalty thing and he thought his friends were above that. Mikey said he thought Gange was his friend and he doesn't understand this. He said he and Jen are just enjoying each other and they've been friends for years. Gange said he was hurt. Howard said he can't take the moping around. He told him to get that look off his face and cheer up.
Howard let Mikey and Jen go a short time later. Jackie said he wanted to get out of there. Howard said Gange doesn't really want her. He said he told Gange to stay with her and he was the one who wanted to break up for someone like Tori Spelling. Howard said he asked what was wrong with him. He said he never told him to get rid of her. Howard said he wasn't even good enough for Jen. Howard said Gange has the wrong attitude.
Howard asked Gange if he wants her back. Gange said he does. Howard said he looks weak. Howard said Gange is twice the man Stein is. Howard said he should be thanking John for hooking them up. He said he can get her back. Howard said if Gange can't beat him then he should become gay. Howard told him to go polish off 10 English Muffins now and he'll feel better.
After an edited out break Howard came back and read some faxes that people sent over about Gange. Howard told Gange that girls don't play games with guys they're interested in. Howard said Jen didn't do that with him. He said that it didn't take her two minutes to date someone else. He said that there are guys going ape over her somewhere. Howard read a fax from Dead Dave who said he's more exciting to Jen than Gange is. Howard read through a couple more from people who were goofing on Gange. Howard said he's a lunatic. Gange said he's really not.
Howard said Gange thinks that's the one for him. Gange said he can just tell she is. He said that she broke up with him so he's still interested in her.
Howard asked Gange if he cried after hearing that she was dating someone else. He said he heard that he got up and walked out of a dinner he was at after someone brought it up. Gange said this all had to come from her. He said that he doesn't trust John anymore either. He said John has to be the one who told the story. John came in and said it wasn't him. He told Gange he's wrong about that. Gange apologized to him for that.
Howard asked Gange how he found out she was dating someone else. Gange said she told him she was seeing someone and it didn't take much for him to figure out who it was. Howard asked if he's freaked out thinking about it. Fred started doing his Mikey Stein impression and goofed on him and Gange for a short time.
Gary said this is all painful to listen to and he feels for Gange. He said he knows what it's like to go through this. Howard said he'll be fine. He told Gange to lose himself in his work.
Howard told Gange to cheer up around there. He said he's moping around like he lost Marilyn Monroe or something. Gange said she could have at least wished him a happy birthday. Howard told him that he should marry her but let Stein continue to date her. Howard said he's like on suicide watch over this. They wrapped up a short time later.
Disturbing Porn Audio, Cabbie's Complaints And Sal's New Prank Call. 06/28/04. 8:45am
Howard played an audio clip from some porn movie where a woman was choking on something and making a very strange noise. He said if he showed the tape to Robin she'd throw up. Robin said she was ready to throw up just hearing the tape. Howard said that one person was female and the other was male in the video. Robin said she had an idea of what was going on in the clip but didn't say what it was. Howard joked that it was two guys fishing out in Montana (referring to Tom's trip out there).
Melrose Larry tries to get in to O.J.'s party. 6/28/96.
The always annoying Melrose Larry Green tried to get in to O.J. Simpson's domestic abuse party thing yesterday. Dumbass, O.J. Simpson, had a fund raising thing for domestic abuse awareness yesterday and Melrose Larry told Howard that he was going to try and get in. Well Larry didn't make it in to the function but he did stand outside and yell for a while. I guess all he did was annoy people going in to the function...that's what he does best.
After the call Howard ended up talking about Scientology and John Travolta. Howard said that he can't say that scientology is any worse than any other religion. He said they're all wacky. Howard said that at least L. Ron Hubbard was a science fiction writer. Howard said the goofy thing is that John Travolta is starting to believe that he has super powers. Howard read an article from Entertainment Weekly where they wrote about Travolta using his hand to help sick people on the set of his movie. Howard said he goes around laying hands on people. He said this guy is some megalomaniac. Howard said that's so ridiculous. Howard said he would love super powers but he doesn't have any. Howard said he's wanted them since he was a kid. Robin said she'd love some too. She mentioned some powers she would want and Howard told her to get some help.
''Guess Who's The Porn Star Tabitha Stevens'' Game. 6/28/01. 8:15am
Four women came in to play a game where Howard and the crew had to guess which one was porn star Tabitha Stevens. Howard asked all four women a bunch of questions about the porn industry and tried to figure out which one was actually Tabitha. He and the rest of the guys though it was either number 2 or 4 in the beginning but after asking questions that all changed. They started looking at the other girls differently. Howard wondered who produced the segment because there must have been something odd about the two that they didn't pick as looking like porn stars.
After a few minutes of asking the questions Stuttering John was convinced that it was number 2 when she admitted she doesn't orgasm during porn shoots. Everyone else had many other questions. Finally Howard and Robin picked number 3 while John, Artie and Fred all went with number 2. Those guys were correct. Tabitha was number 2. Howard quickly spoke to the other women who were all actresses who had done some internet research to get their answers for the game.
Tabitha then let her hair down and took off some clothing for Howard. Gary said they had to fix her up because she came in looking like a porn star this morning. She had a huge rack which turned out to be implants. Tabitha went on to talk about how she got into the business after being a bored housewife. She said her husband wouldn't have sex with her often because he was so busy running his landscaping business. She got out of the 2 year marriage and into porn after meeting some porn star couple at a gym in Las Vegas. She was only 25 at the time and she says she actually asked her parents permission to do it. They gave her the okay and now she's known for giving great oral sex. She explained the whole orgasm thing too. She said she thinks of porn as actual work and blocks out the fact that guys are banging her. She did, however, say that she's gotten off when women have done her. Howard thinks she may be becoming hardened toward men but she swears she's not. Gary couldn't figure out how she can make the distinction between work and home with guys banging her. She said that she give men outside of the business all of her attention and just blocks out the porn actors somehow.
Howard continued to talk to Tabitha for as long as he could but he was running out of time because the Wayans Brothers were waiting to come in. He had to wrap it up so he gave plugs for all of the women. Tabitha has her own web site at TabithaStevens.com where you can find out more about her ''Dripping Wet'' series of porn. All of the actresses has their own e-mail addresses but Howard ripped through them very quickly. As Howard was wrapping things up he told Tabitha that he was aroused talking to her about all of this and invited her over to check out his arousal. He didn't let her touch anything but he did let her see the outline of his ''semi'' through his pants.
In the clip Robin was doing some news and read a story about cock fighting in the city. Howard was asking if those cocks are edible. Robin said she doesn't think they are. She said the cocks weigh a good 5 pounds. Howard said he's not sure who she's been with. He said she must be hanging around black guys again. Howard made a bunch of cock jokes while they were discussing that story. Howard said the cocks are so muscular that you can't even eat them. They joked about that for another minute before wrapping up.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:50am.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 11:25am.