|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how he had a lot to say this morning. He said he had to get his juices flowing though. Robin pointed out that someone was in the studio. It was George Takei. Howard had some trouble getting his mic on. Howard asked Scott what was going on. He explained it was guest 4. George said it was Artie's old mic. Howard asked George to talk so he could figure out what was going on. He told George to use the other one. George did that and Howard told Scott to set him up on the old Artie mic.
Howard said he wasn't hearing George. George tested his mic and said a few things. Howard went back and forth with George asking if he was on or not. It turns out George's headphones weren't on. Howard asked Scott to please set up the studio for George. Scott said he checked them and they just weren't turned up. He said they were on. Howard told him to teach George how to do it. Scott said he thought he knew.
George told Howard he saw his debut on America's Got talent and he was electrifying. Howard said he heard he was a fan of the show. George said he enjoyed it most with Howard on. George said Howard comes off terrifically and he looks good. Howard laughed. He said he heard George was a big AGT fan and he can even tell you the whole history of the theater they were in. George said he really could.
George said that his father took him to the Orpheum theater where they shot AGT in L.A. and they went to see some Vaudeville acts there when he was 8 years old. Howard asked if his dad knew he was gay at 8. George said he didn't. He didn't even know what gay was at that time. Howard asked when his voice started to change into what it is. George said it must have been in high school. Robin asked if this naturally happened to him. George said he learned to project and took vocal classes. He took some acting lessons too.
Howard said he wanted to get on track here. He said he has to welcome George to the show. He said it's always great to see him. George said it's been far too long. He said he's been very busy. Howard said he was on Celebrity Apprentice. George said he was the third to get kicked off the show. He said Cheryl Tieggs and Victoria Gotti were before him.
Howard asked George if he was surprised that he got kicked off as soon as he did. George said he was. He said he thought they won their challenge. He said they ended up losing though. George said he knew it was going to be the project manager that would lose his job. Howard asked why he would accept the responsibility of project manager. George said he thought they could win and he could get $20,000 for his charity if he had won.
Howard asked who won last night. George said that it was Arsenio Hall. Howard said he's had quite a career. He used to be number one in late night and now he's on Celebrity Apprentice. George said Arsenio won $250,000 for the Magic Johnson charity.
George said he really liked working with Arsenio and also Penn Jilette. Howard asked if he will remain friends. George said he will. He said he and Arsenio are going to be having lunch and he's going to have dinner with Penn out in Las Vegas too. Howard said that's very good. George said he's good friends with Lisa Lampanelli too. He said she's doing a charity panel discussion show tomorrow so he'll be on that too.
Howard said at the bottom of this list is Jackie. He said he didn't have the last page but he's getting just $25. Howard said that's the VIP Jackie experience. Howard said there's no one as low as Jackie. Robin asked why he would do that. Howard asked why Jackie would leave the show. He said he should be working on himself. George said he thinks these things are a rip off. He said that he doesn't do the VIP experience thing. He said he draws the line at that. He said he won't pay $400 to see Death of a Salesman.
Howard and George spent a minute talking about the fan experience. George said that the fans really do appreciate that moment of contact.
Howard said if someone is against gay marriage it's ridiculously dumb. Howard said he's not even sure how to explain it to them that it's not up to them to decide. Howard said just because you're born heterosexual you don't have the right to force your will on them. Howard said there is no rational reason for it. George said he respects everyone's faith. Howard asked why. He said that it's not necessary to respect everyone's faith. Howard said if he believes in an imaginary rabbit it's the same thing. He told George that he should ask Donald why he got a divorce if he believes in his religion so much.
Howard said George is too nice to have lunch with Donald. He said he thinks that he won't even have lunch with George. George said he said he would. Howard said he wouldn't want to go to lunch and hear him rattle on about gay marriage. George said that he thinks he will. Howard said he'll bet that it will never happen. George wanted to bet him but Howard said no before it even came out.
Howard told George that they have marriage equality in New York because of the governor. Howard said that he worked it in there overnight one night. He said you have to get it done like that or it won't happen.
George told Howard that he really does think that Trump will have lunch with him. Howard said it will never happen.
Howard gave George some plugs for some appearances he's making at various events. Howard said George will not be part of the VIP experiences. He said George is still on Supah Ninjas too. George said they're filming in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania this year. He said that they're going to have to travel between New York and Pennsylvania.
Howard said that George is doing his play ''Allegiance'' too. George said it's a musical. Howard said that sounds like an upbeat kind of show. George said it is at the end. He said they'll bring it next winter or early Spring. He said they have an open invitation to opening night.
Robin asked George about the conventions and asked if it's true there is a convention smell like they say there is in this new movie about conventions. George said some of the costumes can have a rubbery smell. He said after a few hours they can get to be kind of gamy.
Howard said that the Klingon outfits must be really smelly. George said some of them can be. Howard said you'd think the stench would stay inside. George said he's thinking of coming out with a fragrance called ''Aue My'' that would capture that.
Howard told George about the blow job deal that they were trying to work out between Ronnie and Richard. He said they were thinking about doing it as a pay-per-view. He asked George if he has ever blown a man with a condom on. George said he has and it takes a long time and it's not erotic at all. Howard said that this whole process could take hours. He said they don't get the money until the guy finishes.
Howard asked George if he would tune in to see the event. George said he would pay $10. Howard he thinks that Ronnie would have to be gay to get off from that. George said he's not sure about that. He said the physical sensation might get him off.
Howard said if Robin blew George off it might take him a while to finish. George said he's had relations with women before.
George asked if there is any update on Robin. Robin said she has a date scheduled for surgery. She said she's seeing the doctor today. George said that the advances they've made are great. Robin said that it's still barbaric.
George said he was reading about a pill they have now that you swallow and it's a tiny computer. He said the doctor can direct it through your body. He said it works its way through and then the lobster claws come out and they cut off whatever the need to and then it comes out with the wash. He said it's amazing what medicine can do these days.
Howard said the day of Robin's surgery George has tickets to the theater so he doesn't care. George said they saw the play ''Once'' and it's so moving and touching. Howard said his life sounds so boring. He said he'd be miserable doing what George does. George said he would love ''One Man Two Governors.'' Robin said Howard would hate it. George said it's so great. Howard said he wouldn't like it. Howard said he likes going to sleep early and having sex. George still thought Howard would like it.
Howard had Gorge do another announce for them. George read one about AGT and how it stands for Adorable Gay Takei when he's there.
Howard mentioned the celebrity impressions contest they have coming up. He said that Avion Tequila is sponsoring the contest.
Howard said he did a photo shoot of Beth for a magazine and he thinks that it's the most professional he's done. He said they tweeted out a shot of her nude sitting by a window. He said he thought that was real good too. Howard said he wants to show Robin that one. They had it up in a few seconds. Robin said it's very atmospheric. Howard said he's way into speed flash lately. He said he's going to do his shoot with Robin like that.
Robin said she was going to ask Howard to shoot the cover of her book but he was too busy. Robin said that they shot her in a kitchen setting with a bowl. She said she would have loved Howard to have done that. Howard said he'll shoot her next book. George asked if she would do it nude. Howard said he only shoots nude. Robin said she'll be nude behind a tree.
George said that Leonard Nimoy has taken up photography. He said that Leonard is smelling the flowers. Howard said he's smelling the Star Trek fans. George laughed.
Howard gave a shout out to a reporter who gave him a good review for AGT. Howard said there's a good review in Rolling Stone by Rob Sheffield. Howard said it's really good. He said Rob gets it. He said that Rob saw that he went on family TV as his next move in show business. Howard said Rob did a good job with that article.
Howard said Rob wrote a scathing review of their first day on satellite. He said that he called it the worst. He said Rob admits he was wrong and the show is 1000 times more entertaining on satellite. Robin said at least he admits it. Howard said Eddie Murphy says that you have to believe the bad reviews if you believe the good ones. Howard said he believes them all.
Howard said he appeared on The Talk on Thursday. He said it was funny and good but they had cut something out of the show. He said he went on as a favor to Sharon Osbourne. He said that she's such a lovely woman that he can't turn her down. Howard said he was kind of bummed out when they cut this piece out. Howard said he was surprised they did that too. He said maybe they did it because of time.
Howard said he was talking about Holly Robinson Peet and how she got cut. Howard said he told the two new women that Sara Gilbert would give them the axe if they act up. Howard said it was an ongoing thing and they cut out every reference. Howard said that it was done in a funny way and the crowd was going wild. He said he felt it was edgy and he's kind of bummed that they cut that. Howard said Beth was on with him too and she was funny.
Howard said he doesn't like being edited. He said that the appearances are crafted and to cut out his words is criminal.
Howard said he got a shocker over the weekend. He said that Van Halen canceled their tour and they hate each other. Shocker. Howard said that he knows George is broken up about that. Howard said he's not sure when Eddie Van Halen is going to realize that it's him and not the lead singers. He said that no one has gotten along with him. Howard said it just doesn't work for them. He said that they don't like each other but they didn't give an official reason like that. Robin said David Lee Roth has to learn to quiet down and just go with it. Howard said they should figure out a way to make it work. Howard said it would be the greatest reality show to see those guys interact 24/7. He said it would be unbelievable.
Howard said he watched Saturday Night Live with Mick Jagger. He said he thought he did okay. every one of his characters was the same character on the show. He said it didn't matter what he was playing, it was all the same guy. Gary said he's so one dimensional. He said Howard was right on with that. Howard said Mick Jagger should stick to being Mick Jagger. He said he performed with the Foo Fighters and it was fun to see him do that. He said he did a bluesy funny song with Jeff Beck too. He said that it makes you realize what a great guitar player Jeff Beck is. Howard said he did a performance with Arcade Fire that was good too.
Howard said there is a difference when Mick isn't with the Stones. He said there's something about the group dynamic. He said you can't downplay that. Howard said he knows that Sting had a lot of solo hits but it was different when he was with The police. Howard said it's the same with the Beatles and so many other bands. Howard said when you see Mick out there with the Foo Fighters it's great but it's not quite the same.
Howard and Gary talked about the songs that the Foo Fighters performed and how it seemed out of place. Howard said Kristin Wiig announced that she's leaving SNL. Howard said that Mick sang Ruby Tuesday to her at the end of the show. Howard said he danced with her and the cast danced with her one by one. Howard said Kristin got the last word but a couple of others are leaving the show too and they didn't get to dance. Howard said he didn't know that Kristin was like 40 years old. Howard said he thinks she's pretty attractive too. Gary agreed.
Howard said that he has to take a break. He asked George to announce as they were doing that. George read about how he has some things lodged against his bladder too and he finds it delightful. They went to break after that.
Howard said he saw Jimmy doing a joke about J-Lo being the number one paid person on a reality show but she's leaving the show. Howard said he can't believe that she's leaving.
Howard said that Robin Gibb has passed away. He said he was a great guy. Howard said he was on the show many times and he was great when he was in there with his brothers. Howard said he read that Gibb had some drug problems early on in his life. He said that he was wondering what went wrong there because he's not that old. Fred said he didn't read anything about the drug thing. Howard said he doesn't want to say anything wrong. Fred said Andy Gibb had some issues. Maybe that's who he was thinking of.
Howard said he has Nadya Suleman on the phone. He said she's the woman known as Octomom. Howard said she has 14 kids total. Howard said she's now appearing in porn just as he predicted. Howard asked Nadya if she now sees that having 14 children was insane. Nadya said 100 percent yes. She said that she didn't want 8 at the same time. She said they didn't know that it was 8 until it was too late. Robin said she already had 6 though. Nadya said that in hindsight it wasn't a good idea.
Howard said Nadya doesn't have a husband and her parents can only help so much. Nadya said she can only do so much herself.
Howard asked Nadya about how she was offered a house by sponsors. She said she was never offered a house. She said that she wrote about all of this in her book. She said that they tried to set her up for failure.
Howard had to ask Nadya to calm down. She was very chatty. Nadya said she hasn't had any coffee and it's 4 in the morning. Howard asked if she's on any medications. She said she isn't but she's very hyper according to some people.
Howard said he has to interrupt Nadya because she's very talkative. Howard asked her to give him the names of her kids. She rattled off the names and Howard said he's not sure if she even gave the right answer. He said he doesn't know.
Howard asked Nadya why she didn't take this deal 3 years ago. She rambled something but it was hard to follow. Howard said Nadya tried to file for bankruptcy but that failed so she's a million dollars in debt. Howard said all of her creditors can go after her and her house. Howard said that she owes more than $475,000 on her house alone. Howard said she has to resort to a life of pornography. Nadya said that they came to her with several offers and she never felt comfortable with them.
Howard said she said she would never do porn but now she's doing it. Howard asked what she's going to be doing to herself. Nadya said that she's going to do something classy. Howard said no one can follow this. Nadya was rambling again. Howard asked what she's doing in the video specifically. Nadya said you won't believe what's going on in that video. She said she faced her greatest fear and that was her own sexuality. Nadya said she had to be honest with herself. Nadya was rambling again so Howard cut her off and said she's not answering the question. Howard just wanted to know what she does in the video.
Howard said that all of her kids are from artificial insemination. She has some hang up about men. Nadya said that you can see her have her first orgasm in the video. She said that people's jaws dropped. Howard asked if she's watched the video. Nadya said she saw some parts and she was blown away because it's beyond good. Howard said her body does look pretty good.
Nadya was telling Howard that she used to run more than 40 miles a week. She said she's really keeping her body in shape. Howard had to cut her off again when she was going on and on too long. Howard said he assumes that she's masturbating in the video. Nadya said she has never done that. She said she hasn't masturbated in her life ever. Howard asked what she's doing in the video then. Robin said she thinks that was a yes.
Howard said he wanted to go through this with her. He asked if she wears a bikini in the video. She said she does. Howard asked if she's masturbating in all of the scenes. She said that is what it is. She said it was a very long shoot. Nadya said it was one of the most telling things in her life. She said she thought it was amazing and she'd love to do it again.
Howard said she must like having the camera there. She said she hates cameras. Howard asked how her vagina looks. She said that she's a very small person. Howard said maybe it's a good idea for her to come in the studio. Howard said her phone connection is so bad. Nadya said she's in the back yard hanging on the jungle gym so maybe now it'll come in better.
Howard asked how old her oldest kid is. She said it's 11. Howard asked if she tells the kids what she's up to. She said she has told them the truth.
Howard asked Nadya about putting her finger in herself and if she started to bleed. Nadya said she hasn't had a period in over 2 years. She said she did bleed a little bit because she doesn't put anything in there. Robin asked why she hasn't had a period in 2 years. She said she might need a doctor.
Howard said Nadya wants to come in there to promote and she might sit on the Sybian. Nadya said she's willing to show Howard her cookie. Robin said this is such a crazy nightmare. Howard said with any luck Robin will be in surgery when she comes in.
Howard said if Nadya wants to come in and sit on the Sybian then maybe he'll do that. Nadya said she's excited. Howard said he thinks they should do it. Howard asked if she can not talk while she's there. Robin said maybe they can gag her. Howard asked if they can stuff a sock in her mouth. Nadya said they can shove anything in her mouth. Nadya said that the best part of her video is that she's not talking. George laughed.
Howard asked if she moans while she's doing herself. She said she does but that's not talking. Nadya said she's willing to come in and do all of this. Howard said he thinks they have to have her in then.
Howard said that one of Nadya's kids she has to lock in a room because he's autistic. Nadya said that she doesn't lock anyone in a room. She said that she has to do what she has to do to take care of her kids. Robin said in 5 years she's going to say she was totally victimized. Nadya said she won't be doing that.
Howard asked if Nadya ever gives a short answer. She was rambling and Howard had to talk over her through half of the interview.
Howard let Nadya talk a little bit but he said he had to end it. George said this is very sad. Howard said it is isn't it. Nadya said it's really not. Howard said they'll book her to come in and show her vagina. George asked what happens to the kids when she's there. Howard said someone will take care of them. George suggested she bring them there. Howard said he'd rather not have them there when they see her vagina.
Nadya got in a plug for her video which is being put out by Wicked Pictures. Howard wished her luck and started to wrap up. Howard asked her to describe her orgasm. Nadya said she felt like she was in another world. She said that she hasn't felt like that ever. Robin asked if she's done it again since the video. Nadya was going on and on but her phone connection was so bad it was hard to understand what she was saying. Howard wrapped up and let her go a short time later.
Howard said that's a big change in her life. Howard said it'll be two guys slamming her in the next video. Howard said it's the sexual awakening of Nadya Suleman. Robin said it's criminal. She said someone should go to jail for this.
George wondered what's going to happen to the kids now. Howard said he thinks that she could have a porn called ''Octocock.'' Robin said they should have her talking through all of the sex. Howard said there is nothing less sexual than her talking. George said it's very sad. He said it's depressing listening to that.
Howard asked if it's the 14 kids living in a house with no income. George said that she's a sick woman to have that many kids. He said the doctor is wrong for doing what he did too. Howard said it's like an internment camp for toddlers. That's why George relates.
Robins said Nadya has no life experience at all and she likes how she's raising them thinking she's doing a good job.
The caller said he likes the videos that Beth played. Howard said he got mad at her for that. Howard said he makes videos for her and she played them on the show. Howard said he didn't know she was going to do that. Howard said they were sweet and all but he didn't know they were going to be on TV. The caller said they were pretty entertaining. Howard said he was being sort of sappy so he'd rather not have that out there.
The caller asked if Howard would do an endorsement deal with Cottenelle if they had baby wipes. Howard said he would do that because he loves Cottenelle. Howard joked about how he had just outed him for having an endorsement deal. Howard described what the commercial would be like. Howard said they show his rectum and George said that it looks like chocolate chip cookies and laughed. Howard asked if he gets his tongue all the way up there. George said he licks it and muscularly touches it. Howard asked if it has any taste at all. George said there is a musk. Howard said he bets there is. Howard said he should taste his.
Howard asked if he did it to Brad. George said it was Brad. He said he has had others before Brad though. Howard asked if there's a lot of hair back there. George said there can be. Howard asked how Brad is doing with his weight. George said he's working on it. He said that Brad doesn't work out like he does.
Howard asked George about running and if he misses it. George said he misses running as much as he did. He said he still runs but not as much.
Howard let the caller go and said he has tape of George eating Brad's ass. He had George making some strange sounds.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's a treat to have George on the show. He said he can't wait to see his play. George said that will be in September and October in San Diego. The caller said that he also wanted to say before AGT they had women who thought that all he did was ask women to take their tops off. He said he went on The Talk and asked Sharon and Beth to have a threesome and now women love him even though that's what they hated him for. Howard said he did try to push Beth and Sharon together for a threesome.
Howard said he did something else on that show. He said he told Sharon to take her top off and she started to take it off. The caller said Howard could have pulled his pants down and fondled himself and the women still would have loved him. Howard said he's not sure the fun would have kept going if he had done that.
Howard said the AGT audience is vast. Robins said they say that 32 million people tuned in. Howard said that's what they said. He said this week they're up against some big show finale's and he's not sure why NBC did that. Howard said that once The Voice and the other shows are gone then they'll have some crazy numbers. Howard said people are really digging it. He said he's looking forward to the live shows. He's ready to mould some careers.
Howard said he's on the cover of a reality TV magazine and they talk about how he and Howie are having a feud. He said that they're not having a feud but Howard said he wanted to have one. Howard said Howie sent him a ''fuck you'' just to try and get it going but then he wrote back asking if he knew he was just kidding. Howard said Howie is a really nice guy and they're not feuding.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't want Octomom on the radio again. He's begging him not to let her on again. He said it was awful. He said that was a train wreck from hell. Howard said she's very verbose. He said he wasn't going to have her in until she said she wanted to show her vagina and ride the Sybian. Howard said he thinks they should have her in for that. Robin said they have had her in before. George asked if she was rational then. Robin said of course she wasn't rational.
George asked how many boys and girls she has. Howard said he didn't know but then got a note about how she has 10 boys and 4 girls. George said it's a pathetic situation. Howard said that's why they have to have her in to ride the Sybian.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he was making Beth laugh before he took the pictures that were on his Twitter feed. Howard said that she's a model so it's easy for her to make it look like she's laughing. Robin said she saw Adriana Lima up there and she was modeling for a guy taking pictures up there. She said she made it look so easy.
Howard said he had to take a break so he had George do another announce. George had one about JD and his mush mouth. He said he might have a cure for cancer but they'd never know. They went to break after that.
Howard thanked George for that. George said that Benjy appears to be evaporating before their eyes. Robin said she thinks that his girlfriend drags him out to exercise. Howard said he gets the feeling that he smells like a convention goer. George said he actually smells very nice today.
Howard said people are saying that he's very blotchy this morning. Benjy said he doesn't think he looks that bad today. Howard laughed. He said he has zits all over. Benjy said he has little red spots. They're not zits. Benjy said he's not sure what it's called but it might be psoriasis or something. Howard said his face is like a mood ring. George said he glows. He said he felt his bones in his shoulders earlier. He said it used to be all flesh.
Howard said he had to do a couple of quick things. He said he has a voice mail that came in from Wendy the Retard. Howard said she is upset that she has no money. Howard said she's upset that they're having fun and she's not. In the voice mail Wendy said she has no food in the house again and they're not helping out with some birthday money. Wendy said they want her to go nuts so screw them all. She said she's going to go rob a bank if they don't send her money. Wendy said they don't want to keep her happy so... whatever.
Howard said Debbie the Pet Lady is excited about Howie Mandel saying she's his favorite. Howard played that clip too. Debbie had some oral surgery so it was hard to understand what she was saying. She had to call in and tell Howard that they had to get this message out for her because of her mouth issues. Howard wondered why she would make a call like this if her mouth hurts. Debbie said she has never said anything bad about Howie. She said they have to tell him the truth. Debbie said she never said anything bad about him at all.
Howard said she's tortured. He played more of her going on and on yelling at the phone system about Howie. Debbie asked them to just get the message out please. She can't talk.
Howard said he wants to keep track of who Gary thinks is an important guest. He and Fred did their impressions of Gary talking about why he wears the sports jacket.
Howard asked Jon Leiberman what he has. Jon said that they have learned that Lisa G has decided that she's entitled to make money like the Ronnie's Block Party. He said that she's having a Sweet and Meet where she'll be charging fans to meet her. She said that only women will be allowed to come to the event. Howard asked who will go to see Lisa G. Robin said she wouldn't spend $100 to meet Lisa. Jon said that the money goes to charity to benefit Breast Cancer research. Howard said that it's kind of wrong to allow only women to show up. Jon said that she'd like to branch it out more eventually.
Howard asked what Lisa classifies as a woman. He wondered if Siobahn would be allowed in. Gary asked if Benshe can go.
Jon said that Benjy's girlfriend Elisa probably won't be there. He said that they wrote a song called ''Haters'' that was inspired by Lisa. Jon said that they found that Benjy had a version that had audio from the show in it. Howard said he knows Benjy wants him to play it so he'll play some of it for him. Howard played some of the song where they had clips of Lisa in it. Benjy said Howard's version has Lisa in it. Howard played some of the song and then told Benjy it sounds like the old song but sped up a bit. Benjy said the song is catchy and different. Howard said he heard that Warren Littlefield just threw up in the green room.
Jon said that Sal and his wife were at an online orgy last week and they have some audio from that event. He said they will also be playing the Bee Gees interview at 2pm on Howard 101. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Warren Littlefield used to run the whole NBC TV network. Guys like that tend to get canned and that's what happened to Warren. Warren came in and congratulated Howard on his show. Howard asked if he was surprised that they hired him. Warren said he was trying to get Howard to come to NBC about 15 years ago. He said he approached him after Conan started in late night and they weren't sure it was going to work. He said they wanted it to work but if it didn't work they wanted Howard. Warren said he's a big fan of Howard's and he's been a fan. He said he was kissing his butt trying to get him to think about doing TV.
Howard asked Warren if he was right about Conan in a way. He said that he had his trepidation about Conan and he didn't work at 11:30 and he was rejected. Warren said Conan had a great run at 12:30. Howard said he never beat Craig Ferguson. Warren said he was number one when he was at 12:30. Warren said that the question is if you throw the guy out who is at the top of the throne.
Howard asked why he didn't write about Leno in his book at all. Warren said Bill Carter has done outstanding books about that. He said The Late Shift is out there and Bill's last book (The War for Late Night: When Leno Went Early and Television Went Crazy) about the battle in late night had all of that in it.
Howard asked Warren about Johnny Carson retiring. Warren said it came as a surprise when Johnny announced he was doing his last year. He said that it was a big hit for them because they had no idea. Howard asked how close he came to using Letterman instead of Letterman. Warren said it was an east coast / west coast split. He said that it should have been Dave's show. Warren said Mike Ovitz handled it like they had Johnny Carson. They made it very difficult. Warren said his job is to find other choices. Howard said it sounds like Mike Ovitz was a pain in the ass and he was busting balls about Letterman's contract. Warren said that's what happened. He said Letterman and Leno are very talented. He said they got to a GE conference in Boca Raton and they were all sitting aroudn the table talking about this. He said it became the final discussion about what to do.
Howard said that has to be a lot of pressure. He said it might be the dumbest job in the world. Howard said you can't have a winning season every season. Warren said that is true but you have to love it. He said he loved doing it. Warren said Howard wouldn't be here this morning if he didn't love what he does.
Howard asked how Les Moonves has managed to stay on as the programmer for so long. Warren said he's a CEO so that's part of it. He said they've had the most viewers for 10 years in a row so it's working out very well for them. Warren said Fred Silverman was amazing too. He said he ran 3 networks. Warren said that Fred has a very fertile mind.
Warren said when he stated at NBC Fred was there for about a year. He said Fred was amazing in his creativity and the range of things that could get him excited. He said that Brandon Tartikoff had the same kind of drive that he did. Howard asked if Brandon was tossed out of NBC too. Warren said he wasn't at all. He said he went off to Paramount to run features instead. That didn't work out well for him.
Howard said that there are very few guys like Warren who go into production and have hits. Warren said that it's a different thing and you need different muscles. Warren said that everything is a roll of the dice in the business. He said you only get good deals if you prove you can perform.
Howard asked what the best way is to become a network president. Warren said Howard could buy a network and become the president. Howard asked how to get that education to become a guy like that. Warren said you start by watching everything. He said you have to watch every show on cable and network. He said you have to be able to talk about the material. He said he used to fake that he was sick and watch TV all day long. He said he loved it.
Howard said you read about the excecs and then what? Warren said that the starting position is important. Warren told Howard about a woman who worked for Cosby as a sandwich maker and eventually went on to create three series.
Warren said he went to Hobart and got a degree. Howard asked if he had in mind that he wanted to run a network. Warren said he didn't. He said he learned production and worked in that for a while. He said he asked what was next and they had nothing. He said he had some ideas for the company he worked for so he created some shows. He said they asked him to be president of the company and he thought it was a mistake. He said he moved to L.A. and got a job at Warner Brothers. Then Brandon Tartikoff hired him to work for NBC.
Howard asked Warren about the Leno and Letterman thing. Warren said that he was for Leno being the guy. He said Letterman was better for the 5 year plan but for the long term he thought that Leno would be the better choice. Warren said he thinks that Jay wouldn't sleep at night until he was number one.
Warren said that Les sent both Leno and Letterman gifts and said that they'll take either one that doesn't stick with NBC. Warren said that Dave has made a great living and Jon Stewart has made a great living. He said everyone is doing well.
Howard said he's fascinated by the TV world. He asked about Leno going on TV for the first time. Howard was distracted by a banging noise in the studio so he asked what's going on. He had to figure out the banging. He turned off Warren's mic and it turned out to be a guest mic. Howard said something is banging in. He told Warren not to worry about it.
Howard asked Warren about the night Leno went on for the first time and if he sat there waiting for the ratings. Warren said he was shitting his pants. He said he was convinced that his tombstone would say that he killed late night. Howard said that Jay lost to Dave at first. He asked if Warren felt he had made a mistake. Warren said that he did. He said that prime time was working out very well but he was scared to death about late night.
Howard asked if Johnny wanted Dave in there. Warren said they knew that his relationship with Dave was a good one. He said they had to rebuild the show for Jay. He said they had to restructure it and that took time. Warren said they got the audience in closer to Jay and did things like that to make it his own show. Howard asked if Johnny called and said he was sorry for doing this to them or did he just leave. Warren said Johnny gave America 30 years. He said Johnny didn't call. He said he announced he was leaving and that was it. Howard said he feels bad for Warren.
Howard said it seems like such a crazy job to be a programmer. He asked how long his run was. Warren said he was there for 9 years. He said when he was there they had 75 million people watching on Thursday nights. He said that it was crazy.
Howard asked Warren why they didn't like the guy who developed the Must See TV stuff. Don Ohlmyer didn't like him. Warren said they had so much success and even if you combined the other 3 networks they were still beating them by a 60 percent margin. Howard said he knows what it's like to have people hating your success. Warren said he had to fight to do E.R., West Wing and other big shows. Warren said he was in shock over the whole thing.
Howard asked if it's humiliating to get fired from a job like that. Warren said that it took him a while to process it. He said he just figured he had to move on.
Howard asked Warren if they pay him good money after getting fired. warren said he did get a lot of money. He said that he had bonuses from all of the great things that were going on. He said it was GE that owned them at the time. He said he got GE stock too. Warren said that the stock went through the roof at that time. He said that was the big money with the stock. He said the bonuses and the salary were the other things. Howard asked if he waled out with 30 million dollars. Warren said he walked out with good money but not Howard Stern money.
Howard asked Warren about how much turn around time he had before he got the evil eye about the programming. Warren said you have to work pretty fast. He said they had Diff'rent Strokes and Hello Larry when he went in. Howard said that's pretty bad. Warren found Cheers, Seinfeld and many others. He said the lowest one on the network at the time was Cheers. He said that show changed the DNA of NBC. Howard said they wanted to hire Fred Dryer as Sam Malone. Howard said that he got Hunter instead. Howard asked Warren why he didn't go with him. Warren said they listened to Jim Burrows and the Charles brothers and they wanted Ted Danson. He said they listened to the producers.
Howard said Kelsey Grammer made his mark on Cheers too. Howard said that the show was pitched as a Miller Light commercial. Howard said he heard that some people were pushing for William Devayne as Sam Malone. Warren said Ted Danson and Shelly Long had a great chemistry so that's why they went with them.
Howard asked if Shelly Long was committing career suicide by leaving the show. Warren said it turned out to be the best thing to happen to the show. He said they went more years with Kirstie Alley than they did with Shelly. He said the show became even bigger. Howard asked if he was surprised at how fat Kirstie got. He said she was a beautiful woman and Warren agreed.
Howard asked Warren about Kelsey Grammer crashing the car NBC gave him. Warren said they gave him that car and it was a Viper and it's a very fast car. Warren said that he was at the intervention and he told all of the people who were sponging off of him to get out. He said they sat down with Kelsey with some other execs from other companies and talked to him. He said they knew that he was in trouble. Warren said that he's a brilliant man and he's like a surgeon at what he does. He said his skills were eroding. He said he wasn't as prepared for the job as he should have been. He said he wasn't Charlie Sheen bad but he was in trouble. He said they knew he had to get help. Howard asked if they waited until they were off season. Warren said they shut down the show in the middle of the season. He said it was a crisis and they had to do something.
Howard asked who was at the intervention. Warren said most of the cast was there. He said they told him that they love him and he needs help. He said Kelsey listened and he did go out to the car that took him to rehab. He said he was there for 30 days.
Gary said there was more than one intervention. Warren said there was one when he was on Cheers. He said he wasn't part of that one.
Howard said that Jennifer Aniston used to ask when it was going to be her turn. He said that some people just never get that success. Warren said that Kelsey didn't think he deserved that success. He said his family history is biblical. He said he has an awful background. He said your life as an actor is constant rejection so people have issues.
Howard asked if it's true that Jamie Gertz turned down Jennifer Aniston's role in Friends. Warren said they did Ferris Bueller's Day Off with Jennifer. He said it was a TV show without John Hughes. He said that was a bad idea. Warren said that he wanted it to work for Jennifer and he saw the star power there. Warren said Jennifer was in a show called ''Muddling Through'' and they wanted someone to be in that role. He said they decided to just take her in second position and Muddling Through was going to series. He said that they didn't own the rights to Jennifer so he was told he'd have to pay for the episodes of Friends if they had to shoot them. He said they went ahead with Friends anyway. He said CBS had to let Muddling Through go. He said Jennifer went to Les said asked to be released. He said they said no but America decided and they let Jennifer go.
Howard asked Warren if he knew that Friends was going to be a hit. Warren said the testing was awful. He said that David Schwimmer was the one they wrote the show for.
Howard asked if Schwimmer ever fucked Jennifer Aniston in real life. Warren said he's not sure about that. Warren said that they thought that TV makes stars and none of the cast had any success before this.
Howard asked about the big pay that they were all getting on Friends. Warren said that Warner Brothers went to the staff and asked them to do more years. He said Schwimmer wanted to be equals and have everyone paid the same. He said that he could have been at the high end if he had stuck it out but he wanted to be equals. Warren said that it worked powerfully on their behalf. He said that Schwimmer is writing and directing now. Howard said he thought he was in a retirement home. Warren said he can do anything he wants after being on Friends.
Howard gave Warren a plug for his book ''Top of the Rock: Inside the Rise and Fall of Must See TV.'' Howard said he's fascinated by this stuff.
Howard asked if NBC didn't want Cosby. Warren said that's not the case. He said that Cosby wanted to be a limo driver in a 1 hour show. He said that Carsey Warner told him to do a show where he sits down and tells America about his life. Warren said he had to beg business affairs to work with Cosby on this show. He said that they did listen to him and he was able to convince them to make it work. Warren said ABC passed on the show. He said that Cosby's show changed NBC. He said Cosby came on and family Ties was on after. He said they told the audience to stick around and watch Cheers and that turned out to be the tent pole for Thursday night.
Howard said Seinfeld turned out to be a big hit. Warren told Howard to open his gift. Howard didn't want to but did it anyway. He opened it and it was a script signed by the staff. Warren said that he made this script for the advertisers that stuck with them when they did the masturbation episode. Howard asked what it's worth. Warren said he's really ungrateful. He said it's worth what Bill Cosby's sweater is worth.
Warren said that the network didn't like Jerry's show. Howard said he heard that the person who auditioned for Elaine's part was Rosie O'Donnell. Warren said that Larry David had Rosie on his show ''Curb Your Enthusiasm'' and he worked very well with her. Howard said Julia Louis Dreyfus got the job.
Howard said Jerry Seinfeld was the highest paid guy on TV at the time. Howard said that someone else was running aroudn saying he was the highest and that was Tim Allen. Warren said that they hung in with Seinfeld because they believed in Larry and Jerry. He said they allowed them to figure out the show. Howard said it must have drive Jerry nuts. Warren said that Jerry is a glass half full kind of guy but Larry wanted to tell the network they didn't want to do 13 episodes because they were out of ideas.
Howard asked why Larry didn't play himself in the show. Howard said he can act and he's a showman. Warren said to do a big primetime show it takes a village. He said Jerry was the center and they had enough of the writer and creator. He said they needed actors to support Jerry. He said they needed Larry as the writer too. Warren said that when Larry did the reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm you could see the love between them all.
Warren told Howard that when Tim Allen signed on to do his show he got $1 million per episode. He said Jerry called and said that he was going to call Tim Allen and ask if he thinks that he's really making more than him being on a show that was on a number one network in the number one slot on the number one night. Warren said he asked Jerry not to make that call. He said that Jerry had a very good deal there. He said that Seinfeld did very well even when Cheers was doing its final few shows. He said they gave Jerry a very lucrative deal with stock and things like that.
Robin said that they did a good job of filling the shoes of the shows that were leaving. Howard said Jerry says that he didn't enjoy doing the show as much as he should have. Warren said that it is all consuming. He said Jerry was always at the studio.
Howard said they offered him $5 million per episode to continue. Warren said that they put $110 million on the table and they walked away. Warren said his bosses thought that they would never walk away. He said Jerry had no life and he wanted out. Warren said that Jerry was very honest. Howard said it must have broken their hearts. Warren said he appreciated the honesty. He said when it was all said and done Jerry was right. He said they still make $50 million in syndication. Robin said the show stayed good.
Howard asked Warren if women offer him sexual favors to be in shows. Warren said they do. He said he got in a limo one night after a press tour and an actress said she was there for him. He said he thought he was just going home. He said if he played it out no good could come of it. He said he was very complimentary but he got out of the car. Howard asked if he ever fantasizes about that night now. Warren said she was a gorgeous young woman. He said that's one of the joys of his job. Howard asked if he ever thinks about what that would have been like. Warren said he really doesn't.
Warren said he has an Andy Dick story to tell. He said they had News Radio on NBC and it was doing pretty well. He said he got a call from Andy's agent who said that he wasn't going to show up to the table read the next day. He didn't like his compensation. Warren said that he figured that she told him he'd get him more money. Warren said that he told her to tell Andy to come in at 5. Phil Hartman had just died and they were moving on with the show. He said it was a generous move on their part to keep it going. Warren said that Andy didn't want to do the show without Phil Hartman. He said that he was ready to leave the show and he thought he was from another planet with this stuff. He said he asked Andy if he took a shit today. He asked how it was when he said he had. Andy told him it was good. Warren said he told him to hold on to that feeling because when he's done marching the lawyers up and down through his colon, he'd never have that satisfaction again. He said Andy said thank you and goodbye. He said his agent called later and said that Andy will be at work tomorrow.
Howard said he read that George Clooney begged for his job on E.R. Warren said George had a lot of bad shows that he was on. He said George got the script and he went to read for the part and refused to leave until he got to read for it. Warren said that he read that script and studied it. He said that John Wells called him up and told him that he just read for the part and he was very good.
Howard said Juliana Margulies was on that show and she walked away from it. Warren said she was on ''Homicide Life On the Street'' and in the E.R. pilot they killed her off. He said they owned Homicide too so they wanted to let her decide on which part she wanted. Warren said that he learned why she went with E.R. and it was because George Clooney convinced her to do it. He said she walked away from over $25 million. He said that she's a star on CBS now so she's doing just fine.
Howard said Warren is the guy behind ''Must See TV'' on NBC. He said that Warren thinks that it was Jeff Zuker who killed that whole thing. Warren said that the Apprentice and shows like that are what killed that. He said you don't blow all of the 10 o'clock programming out just for Jay Leno. Howard said that show does well though. Warren said it does but it ruined the fabric of NBC.
Howard gave Warren a plug for his book and found out that Jerry Seinfeld sat down and gave him 2 hours of his time to do this book. He said he got to sit down with a lot of the people he talks about in the book. Robin asked if anyone didn't sit down with him. Warren told her to check out the book and she'll see the list.
Howard asked Warren who he liked working with. Warren said he did the Today show a few weeks ago and he asked Debra Messing to come in with him. He said Debra said yes and went along. He said Will and Grace was a show he was told he was out of his mind to put on TV. He said people told him he was out of his mind to put it on.
Howard said that George Takei is the reason Star Trek was the show it was. George said that it was Gene Roddenberry who was the man who made that show what it was. Howard said he was just trying to wake George up. George said this whole thing is fascinating to him. He said he's riveted listening.
Howard said Warren is a great guy and he really liked his book. Howard said he would prefer more pictures so he could read it like a comic book. Howard gave Warren some more plugs and thanked him for coming in. He said he only touched on a few of the stories in the book. Howard sake what his favorite show is now. Warren said it's America's Got Talent. He said Howard is the reason to go to the show. He said that it celebrates talent and Howard is honest in it. He said that Howard is a partner on the network and it only took him 15 years to come aroudn to be on TV. Warren said he thinks that he looks great on the show too. Warren said he wanted Howard on NBC. Howard said he's too busy for him.
Howard gave Warren another plug and thanked him for the gift. Howard said he's going to sell it on eBay. Howard said Jerry used to come in and promote the show all the time and he knew he was going to stop coming in if he ever got really big. He said he was right about that.
Howard said he never watches Seinfeld but his dad watches it every night. Warren said he's in for a treat if he ever does start watching it. He said his son knows every scene. He said his son will be out in the world this summer.
Howard said he saw that a signed copy of a Seinfeld script was going for $3,000 on ebay. He said he has a lot of money sitting there. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard said George walked in and said that he was leaving the show and they knew they needed him. George said he had a great opportunity. Howard said he'll be at a couple of conventions this weekend and next.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that Warren Littlefield interview was great. Howard said he would have that exact conversation if he had the guy in his living room. He said that's why people don't come to his house.
Robin said you have to play by the rules of Network TV or you can be fired. Howard said he has to deal with guys who are his bosses and he has to massage them and convince them that he's normal and some of the stuff he does will never happen again.
Gary asked if he really didn't realize that Warren had come after him in the 90s. Howard said he forgets because he has so many that come after him. Howard said what he would have done in late night was sat there on the couch and talk to two guests a night. Howard said he saw his radio career as the mainstay. He said as bad as radio is he can't imagine how crazy network TV is. He said trying to figure out those rules is nuts.
Jeff mentioned that the New York tapings are on AGT tonight. Howard said he hopes to see Gary and Robin in those. Gary said his son saw himself in a promo. Howard said the New York stuff is exceptionally good. Jeff said next week is Tampa. Howard said maybe they have two days of New York. Robin said she knows that this week is New York both nights. Jeff said both nights are New York. He said next week they have two days of the Tampa stuff.
Howard said he'll bet that Jeff is going to be in a lot of the shots since he was in the front row. Gary said they'd have to go out of their way to edit him out.
Howard and George talked about the AGT live shows that are coming up this summer. Howard said he thought they were going to be doing them in New York but they're doing them in Newark instead. Howard said it's not really that close. Howard jokingly said he heard that Governor Christie is going to build him his own lane to travel back and forth in.
Howard read some email about his AGT appearances. Howard said people are worried about Robin and writing in about her. Howard read through some of those and people are hoping she's going to be okay. Howard said someone asked about the Train performance of ''Dream On.'' Howard said that was a live performance there in the studio. The writer was looking for more information about it. Fred played some of the song. Howard let it play for a minute without saying anything. Howard said Pat wrote to him this weekend asking him to do a thing for VH-1 but he has to turn it down. He said he doesn't want to open up the floodgates. Howard said he does love Pat but he doesn't want to be a part of any shows like that. Howard said Pat is so good though. He said he promotes them more than anyone. He said he was doing it even when they weren't popular.
Howard said he should be able to sing like this technically. He said that was Pat Monahan and it must be Train playing piano. Robin said she thought it was Pat playing piano. Fred said he did not play the piano. Ralph was on the phone and complained that they were talking over the scream in the song. That led to Fred playing clips of George Takei screaming and carrying on like a nut.
Ralph said that the Warren Littlefield interview was great. He said he had a lot of great stories about George Clooney and other things. Ralph said that the intervention stories were great too.
Ralph said that Howard's dad is great on AGT. He said he's not sure if it's tonight or tomorrow but it's really good. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go. Howard said his dad lit up when he heard he made the cut. He said he told his dad on Mother's day that he made the cut. He said his dad was happy about that. Howard did his impression of his dad a little bit when he told the story. Howard said his dad took it easy on the guy he was talking to on stage. He said he wanted him to yell at the guy.
Robin started her news with a story about John Travolta and how one of his accusers has dropped out. Robin said there are others though so people are wondering what's going on. George said he's heard stories. He said a lot of people are coming forward now. Howard said you'd think that the guys would just leave the room. George said that he is John Travolta and he's Mr. Big Money Bags. He said that they may not have gotten paid enough. He said you open yourself up to a lot of problems if you do something like this. Howard said if this is true then he should just come out of the closet. George said it can be like a prison if you're known for being a leading man.
Robin said the Enquirer is saying that the stories are true and they're standing by them. Robin had some audio of Mike Walker talking about that. Walker was saying that they do a lot of research before putting out a story like that.
Howard said George is like the preeminent Gay out there at this point. Howard said maybe Travolta is going to get the calls if he comes out. George said he thinks that he should be getting some calls, yes. Robin had more audio of Mike Walker talking about their stories. Mike was talking about how so many guys are coming out of the woodwork right now about Travolta and they're not going to make any money doing it. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read about how the late Jeff Conaway had broken off his relationship with Travolta because he claimed that Travolta had come on to him. Howard asked George who he would want to be with from the cast of Star Trek. George said that Jimmy Doohan was a very attractive man back then. He said he became his best friend over the years. He said he was a very fun guy to be around. Howard said that would have been great if he had come on to him. Howard said Shatner was a good looking man too. George said he was but he started to get substantial and started wearing a girdle. Howard said he's told that story before. George said that Nimoy smoked at the time. Howard asked if he would have sucked Shatner over Nimoy because of the smoking. George said he had Brad at that time. Howard said this is just a hypothetical thing. George said he thinks he'd go with Jimmy Doohan if he had to pick one. Howard said it's funny that Shatner wore a girdle. He said he likes that George comes in not wanting to talk about Shatner but he always does.
Howard was playing clips of George saying some wacky things and George didn't know that it was his actual voice. Howard told George that it's the voice in his head.
Robin read more about the Jeff Conaway thing and how he had waken up to Travolta doing something to him in his bed. Robin said he was staying at Travolta's house and he woke up to Travolta allegedly groping him.
Robin read about the former man who was in a beauty pageant as a woman. Robin had some audio of her talking about that. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read about last night's Billboard awards show. Howard said he tried watching the show but it's very hard when they have all of these artists he doesn't care about on. Robin had some audio from the show when they did the tribute to Whitney Houston. Robin said that Bobbi Christina was there for the tribute to her mother.
Robin had some audio of Jordan Sparks singing Whitney's ''I Will Always Love You.'' Howard sang it too and said it wasn't that hard to sing. Robin said that Julie Bowen was one of the hosts and she asked for a moment of silence for Robin Gibb. Robin had some audio of that moment too. There wasn't much silence. Howard said she didn't leave room for the moment of silence. Howard said that was some pause. It didn't even take a moment. Howard said Robin Gibb had a great thing going. He was on the show and talked about how great his life was.
Robin said there was a moment of silence for Adam Yauch from the Beastie Boys. Robin had some audio of that but Howard didn't last long with that. He said that's the kind of stuff he fast forwards through in those shows.
Robin said Donna Summer died too. She said she was 63 and died from cancer. Robin had some audio of Donna's music. Howard was still on the Julie Bowen moment of silence thing. He said that was very disrespectful. He said he does love Julie though.
Howard played Donna's music and said he saw her at a party not too long ago. He said she did a couple of songs at the party. Howard said if he was gay he'd suck a cock to her song ''Last Dance.'' George said that many have. Howard said he'd have anal and oral to ''Love To Love You Baby.'' Howard and George spent a minute creating the scene together. Howard was in the shower with George and trying to have gay sex with him. Howard said that was pretty good. Fred threw in a bunch of clips of George saying sexual things.
Gary said that he heard that Donna Summer died of lung cancer and she thinks that she got it from 9/11 even though she didn't live in New York. Howard said that is weird. He did more of the gay shower scene and then read a live commercial.
Robin read about how another comic book character is coming out of the closet. Howard said they never have someone like Superman or Batman come out. Robin said that they say that it is an established character. Howard said the guy in the Marvel comics is someone he's never heard of. Robin said that one is Northstar. Howard said it is a great day for the gay community. Two comic book characters are going to be out of the closet. Howard said the Green Arrow seems kind of gay. He said he heard that Travolta is into the Green Arrow.
Robin read about the estranged wife of Robert Kennedy hanged herself over the weekend. Robin said the divorce wasn't final yet so Kennedy gets to keep the house. Robin said only one of her relatives attended the funeral the Kennedy's held. Her family is holding their own funeral. Robert Kennedy isn't invited to that one. Robin said that people were jumping all over his eulogy for her saying it was very self centered.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was on the first 5 minutes of AGT. She said they had a great time at the taping. Howard said some of the people were mic'd in the audience. He said he thought that was pretty cool. The caller said that Howard was also a Jeopardy question. Howard said he saw that too.
Howard got back to the Kennedy thing and spent another minute talking about that. Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Clay Aiken ever came on to George while they were on Celebrity Apprentice. George said he did not come on to him. He said they did become good friends though. Howard said Clay must not be his type. George said he's not quite his type. He said that he's not as athletic as Brad was. He said that he's kind of soft and fleshy. George said he's too old to be a twink but he is kind of twinkie. Howard said George wants a real man like Jason Ellis. George did like Jason when he was in there. Howard said no one wants an old twink.
The caller asked if he was into Lou Ferrigno. That led to George talking about how Lou announced that he had an operation on his ear to give him some hearing without a hearing aid.
Ralph called in and said he thinks the gay comic book character is Aquaman. Howard said that can't be. Robin said he must be guessing. Howard said it should be Robin of Batman and Robin.
Robin read about the Lockerbie bomber dying. Robin had some audio of a woman whose son died in the bombing complaining about them releasing this bomber so he could be close to his family before he died. Howard said the guy was a terrorist from Libya and he was in prison in Scotland. Howard said he was never put to death because they don't have a death penalty. Howard said they claim he got out because BP needed some oil leasing thing in Libya. Howard said the guy lived 3 years even though they thought he'd have 6 months. Howard said it's a travesty of justice. Howard said it's probably one of the biggest heartbreaks in history. He said it's a real shame.
Howard said when someone blows up a plane you don't let them out of prison to live out his last 3 years with his family. Howard said he should have died in prison. Robin said it wasn't Scotland, it was the government that released him. Robin had some audio of Charles Schumer talking about that case.
Robin read some more news about how they want to get the troops out of Afghanistan in the next couple of years.
Robin had a few audio clips of some politicians talking about various things.
Robin said that The Avengers was number 1 at the box office this weekend. Robin said they made another $55 million. Robin said The Dictator did $17 million and came in third. Battleship was in second.
Robin read about the Facebook IPO and also said that Mark Zuckerberg got married over the weekend as well. Robin said it was a surprise wedding for the people who were invited.
Robin had some news about the Belmont Stakes and had some audio of some people talking about that.
Robin said that Will Smith slapped a reporter on the red carpet. Howard said he did the right thing. He said some reporter came up to him and kissed him on both cheeks and then tried to do it on the lips. Howard said he didn't smack him that hard. Howard said he wasn't there to be fucked with. Robin said they caught it all on video. Robin had some audio of that incident. Robin said it was in Moscow. They wrapped up and ended the show aroudn 10:35am.
Jon went over some of the other things he wanted to talk about today. He mentioned that Lisa G was going to come in and talk about her meet and greet. Jon said that George doesn't do those things because he's against them. Gary said he knows they had a Shatner and Nimoy experience event and he's not even sure if they got to meet the two of them. Gary said he heard a story about how they'd sell part of Scotty's kilt and they just had endless pieces of fabric that they'd sell as the kilt. They spent a minute talking about that and then went to break.
Benjy asked if he's regretted not wearing it for someone. Gary said he hasn't but it's really not that much to put on the jacket that he leaves in his office. He said it's not about a possible job like some people think either.
Jon asked Gary if it was surprising that Howard didn't remember Warren coming after him in the 90s. Gary said he told Howard to ask about it during the break and Howard didn't remember it then. He said Howard appeared to be shocked when Warren told him he was after him then.
The guys also talked about the script Warren gave to Howard and how Howard was talking about selling it. Gary said he liked Warren's response to that when he said ''you fucker.'' Gary said it was pretty amazing that he had that script signed by the whole cast.
Jon also brought up the stories that Warren told about Leno and Letterman. They spent a minute on that and talking about the huge ratings that NBC was getting in the 80s and 90s.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard wasn't very comfortable getting that script. Gary said that he doesn't think Howard was a huge Seinfeld fan and he may not have known what he had. He said if you're a fan that's an amazing thing. Gary said he would want that. He said he'd put it in a frame and hang it up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the interview was amazing but he'd like to know why Norm MacDonald was fired from SNL. Gary said he doesn't talk about that story specifically in the book. He said there are other stories about Don Ohlmyer and how he didn't want anyone making fun of OJ and Norm did that so that's probably why he was pushed out. The guys had to take another break a short time later.
Jon had Lisa G in to talk about her Sweet and Greet. Lisa said that she's just going to have a chat with some people. She said that it's kind of a cocktail party kind of thing. She said her vision is sitting around and eating and meeting female fans who want to come and say hello.
Lisa said she went to her local coffee shop for a customer appreciation night. She said she had a good time there and then she saw a ton of female fans at AGT. She said that some people said she doesn't take the time to sign autographs and stuff so she put it all together.
Jon asked how she came up with the pricing. Lisa said it was based on what some other people charge from the show. Gary asked if she has anything else that she'll be doing there. Benjy asked if she'd accuse herself of using the show to do this stuff since she accused him of using the show to sell a t-shirt. Lisa said that it was only half of the picture that he was in. Lisa asked why he's even going there. Benjy said he thinks that she might be violating her own principles. Lisa said her complaint about him was that she thought Elisa might be using him.
Gary said he thinks that Benjy has a valid point and where is the line? Lisa said if you work there then you get Howard's support. Jon said he thinks that she's accusing Elisa of using the show, not Benjy.
Lisa said that if she had a desert party for her boyfriend and she was doing this like she is then she'd have a problem with it. Benjy tried to get into it more but Lisa said that she's not going to get into it with him. She said she'll go back to the news room if she's just going to be in the vortex with him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how Lisa has time for this but not to meditate. Lisa said she has more time right now so she's doing it.
Jon asked Lisa why it's just for women. Lisa said that she felt that there were no events for women. Benjy tried to get more into it with Lisa and she brought up the single that he just put out. Benjy has no problem with that because he got in a plug for his song ''Haters.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Lisa can point out things she has issues with but when you bring something up with her she won't deal with it.
Another caller asked if Lisa would let Transgenders show up. Lisa said she won't let someone like Benjy in if he dresses up like a woman. Lisa said she would let Siobahn in.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's not a big Lisa G fan but he's not sure why they're attacking her. Gary said it's only Benjy that's attacking. Benjy said he's not attacking. Lisa said she expected this. She said that she might end up with just Mariann from Brooklyn showing up. She said she thinks they could have a nice evening though.
Benjy and Lisa went back and forth again and Jon wondered what's going on there. Gary said that it's hard to get under Benjy's skin but Lisa did it. Jon said he thinks that they're both under each other's skin. Benjy said Lisa gives him a lot of crap about what he does so he's doing the same. Benjy said that she's either being a hypocrite or inconsistent. Lisa said she's not being either. She said she really has to go back to the office.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why she's not allowing men to show up. Lisa said she'll see how this one goes and maybe she'll have another one. The caller said he's willing to pay to see how she's cooking this food. Lisa said maybe she'll do another one. She said she'll have to see how it goes. Lisa said that she'd like to do a Sweet and Meet in another town too. She said she came up with the name for the event. Jon said he thinks she'll get 22 people to show up. He told her to give out the information. Lisa said you can find out more at LisaG.com or @LisaG30D on Twitter. The guys had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how George Takei is sitting in again this morning. Robin asked if he's going to do an announce. Howard said he wasn't going to have him do that but he changed his mind. George did an announce about there being too much AGT talk and how he says ''fuck you'' to that.
Howard said George puts on a sexy voice when he does that. He said he's quite the actress. Howard said he's fabulous. George said Howard is fabulous too. He said he watched AGT last night. George said he felt the pain Howard felt for the 7 year old boy crying. He said he remembers when he was reading to his grand niece who is 4 years old. He read her a story and a woman dies in the story and she stated welling up. He said he felt helpless so he knows how Howard must have felt.
Howard said that the family of the kid was confused because he had said that he was going to send the kid to Vegas. Howard said he voted yes but Sharon and Howie voted no. They felt that he wasn't that strong and they didn't want to put him through that again. Howard said the story in the paper said the family was confused by the voting. Robin said the family is confused because they sent the kid out there thinking he could rap.
Howard said last night's show was 1 hour but tonight they rerun that one and then at 9 they have a new show. Howard said they're up against American Idol's finale and Dancing with the Stars finale. He said they never do that. The producers told him they felt it was that strong that they could put it up against that stuff. Howard said he doesn't like that they're putting their needs up against that.
Howard said people were asking why he put the old guy rapper through. He said he was watching the show last night and he was trying to go along with it on Twitter. He said that guy had one of those songs that would have everyone singing it. He said he remembers two lines he said to the guy. He said he told him he looked like Imus and that got big laughs. Howard said he also told him that he should try to stay alive until Vegas. He said they cut that out too. Howard said he gets upset when he sees they cut the lines. Howard said he knows he can't get upset because they shot so much material. Howard said he gets it.
Howard said the editing on the show is fabulous but he wishes he could put some of his lines in it. He said he's sure Sharon and Howie feel the same way. Nick too. Howard said he turned to Robin and told her he couldn't do this anymore. He said his mom and sister were sitting next to Robin so they were on camera too.
Howard said he got a lot of tweets about the band they put through. Howard said when they performed there live it was incredible. Robin said she thought it came through great on TV. Howard said some people didn't like it. Howard said they don't show all of the stuff they rejected. He said they're only showing some of the stuff.
George said he hated the guy getting his balls smashed (Horse). Howard said he loved it and he was giggling on his couch watching it last night. Robin said she loved it too and she cheers for him whenever she sees him. Howard said that guy does not wear a cup at all. George figured he had something. Howard said it was just his dick and balls.
Howard said he didn't want to give anything away but he does do even more stuff with this sack when he moves on. Howard said he thinks that's the greatest thing he's ever seen. George said he couldn't watch. Howard said he can't take it when a woman touches his sack. He said he's not sure how this guy does it.
Howard said you get to see some of the back stories on the show when it airs. He said he's glad he doesn't know ahead of time. George didn't think that guy had talent. Howard said he has talent. Howard said that guy has the ability to make you laugh. He said that it's like Jackass. George asked what's funny about it. Howard said his whole act is about his nuts. He said his group are all specialists about inflicting pain. Howard said if you take it like it's the most ridiculous thing then you laugh. Howard said if he has to explain it to him then it's not funny. George said it wasn't funny to him.
Howard said that guy made him laugh the hardest. He said it remains to be seen if he can maintain that act. He said he doesn't want to give away what happens in Vegas. Howard said he bets that Gary's boys liked it. Gary said his sons had friends over and they loved it. He said his wife hated it though. Robin said Toni the hair dresser loved it too. Gary said that they were rewinding it and watching it over and over. Gary said he thinks the sledgehammer hit him in the balls too.
Howard said the guy wasn't wearing a cup and they had to blur it out. Gary said it still hurts when you get hit there when you wear a cup. Robin said that they give people a couple of minutes to recover when they get hit there. Gary said that was a huge hit in his house. He said the dog act was good too. Howard said it was amazing. Howard said he liked that the dogs were rescue dogs.
Howard asked Gary what Jon was saying about tonight's AGT. Gary said he told him that it's a replay of last night's show at 8 and then a new one at 9. Howard said he doesn't care what's happening on Dancing with the Stars tonight. Howard said NBC is thinking that they're at an all time low this season so that's why they're putting them on against them.
Robin said that's what they do on the networks. They don't give each other the chance to give their due. Jon came in and told Howard that they have Dancing with the Stars, Glee and America's Got Talent finales on at the same time tonight. He said that American Idol's finale is on at 8 and over by 9. Howard said he just wants people to know that it's a new show at 9 tonight. Jon said they got good numbers with the replays over the weekend.
Howard said the show is good this year because of him. George agreed. Robin said she was reading a review about how he's made it edgier. George said he didn't see the show until Howard got on. He said Howard is using all of his talents now. He said we can see him now. Howard said if he ever did this again he wouldn't let the camera be below him. Howard said he can't let them shoot him like that. He said maybe they could sync the floor for him.
Howard got in a plug for the Celebrity Impression contest they have coming up soon. He mentioned the sponsor's name which is Avion. Gary thought he had said it wrong but Howard and Robin insisted he said it correctly.
Howard said they have a Howard TV special coming up soon where they follow Gary around for the day. He said there's one scene where they show Gary eating and he puts salt and pepper on eggs. Then he smothers it in ketchup like a 3 year old. Gary said 2 packets isn't smothering it. Howard said for a 50 year old man that is child like. Howard said anyone over 3 it is. Gary just said ''Wow!'' when he heard that. He said he used to put guacamole on it. George said he likes guacamole too. Howard had him repeat the word because he says it perfectly. Howard said the last word George taught them was Tsunami.
George told Howard that the G in Guacamole is silent. Howard had him repeat it over and over. Then George said that Aqua is silent too. He said there's a bit of a G in there but not much. Howard said that's bullshit. Robin did too.
Howard asked Fred if he got any negatives. Fred said that all of the haters will send in their stuff today. He said that's the way it goes.
Howard read about how people hated Octomom's call yesterday. He read through a couple of those. Howard said they don't want her on the show anymore. Howard said she just won't shut the fuck up. Howard said there was a lot of anger toward Octomom.
Howard said there's a lot of anger toward Benjy and Elisa. Howard read through some of those and people were complaining about Benjy and Elisa's new song and how shitty they thought it was. Benjy said he thinks it's a great song. He asked if Howard liked it. Howard said it's not for him. He said it might be for little kids. Howard played some of the song ''Haters.'' Benjy was dancing to it. He said they're working on a video.
The guys had pulled George saying ''Guacamole'' so Fred had it to play already. George said he should have known that was coming. Howard said he can imagine the phony phone calls the boys will be making with that.
Howard read some email about Warren Littelfield's interview. They got some very positive feedback about him and a couple of negatives.
Howard said he went home and realized he forgot to ask what Warren's biggest failure was. He wanted to know what show he passed on and went on to be huge. Gary said that was Roseanne's show. Howard said he had a lot of other questions for him and he never got around to them. George said they have to have him back again.
Howard said he and Robin are being corrected for their grammar. He said that someone corrected him on ''I could care less'' which should be ''couldn't care less.'' Howard said he had some other email but he's not there to read every bit of it.
Howard asked who in this world says ''Uacamole?'' Fred said that Mexican's do. Gary said they have a clip of a Mexican man explaining how to say the word. It wasn't the way George was saying it. George said he's going to have to go by that from now on. Howard said he may go with George on ''Tsunami'' but not with ''Uacamole.'' George said he grew up in a Mexican neighborhood so he thought he knew.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves when George is on the show. He said he watched AGT last night and they went from total amazement with the dog act to crying when they saw the 7 year old was crying. He said his wife started crying and then he started tearing up.
Howard said he hugged that kid and when he was on stage he didn't remember going up there. Howard said he doesn't feel bad about buzzing him. Robin said he did cave into him though. Howard said he felt awful. He said the other thing he remembers is when he hugged the kid he felt something that he felt with his kids when they were little. Howard said it reminded him of how fragile and tiny he was. Howard said he melted. He said he wanted to protect the kid when he hugged him. He said if he ever came close to wanting kids again it was in that moment. Howard said that feeling passed rapidly though. He said it touched him though. There was no phony moment there. He said he remembers hugging the little boy and it stuck with him.
Howard said he started banging his head into the floor after that but they cut it out of the show. Robin said the whole theater stopped because of that kid falling apart. Robin said Howard ran up to the stage and started hugging him. He said everybody felt the same way. Robin said they all felt for that child. Robin said Howard had buzzed some girl before that and she was a teenager. Robin said she wanted to see him do a little kid like that and she never wanted to see that again when it happened. Howard said Sharon buzzed the kid too.
Robin said she thinks that it was Howie who pointed out what Howard did. Howard said it did make him look cruel. Robin said the kid wasn't prepared at all to be there. Robin said she thinks that Howie was the one who got the kid upset. Howard said that went on a long time on stage too. Robin said that kid could not rap. Howard said that's why he didn't want to sit there and play games. Robin said the kid was saying ''Mir Money'' for about a minute solid. They cut some of that out.
The caller said that it wasn't until Sharon hit her buzzer that the kid cried. He was also asking about when they sent those cloggers through and didn't show all of the judges votes. Howard said that they only have so much time to show stuff. Howard said he likes the way they edit the show though. Howard said he's not a real fan of cloggers but there were some acts he liked.
The caller said that it was weird the way they edited that. Howard said he can't remember all of the acts because they saw so many.
Robin said that they had that skateboarding act on the show and they talked to Jason Ellis about that. Howard said he probably still thinks they sucked. Howard said they're going to talk to Slash after the break. Robin said she has some questions about Guns N' Roses and what happened with them. Howard said they have to figure that out with him when they get back. Howard had George to an announce as they went to break. George had one about John Travolta and welcoming him to their community.
Howard came back and said Gary is wearing his sports jacket again today. Howard said Gary said sometimes if a guest is very important he wears the jacket. Howard said Jason went back and looked at how many times he's done it and it was only like one other time. Howard said Gary was kind of bullshitting yesterday. Jason came in and said that he went back to 2004 and he only found 2 instances of Gary wearing a sports jacket. He said one was on 1/9/06 and the other was when he took a picture with Reggie Jackson. Gary said he takes it off sometimes when he comes in there. He said that he wore it for Ron Howard. He said he'll take it off when Slash is done. Gary said every guest is blazer worthy.
Howard said they have that special coming out on Howard TV about Gary. He said Gary looks kind of like a shlump aroudn the office. Howard said Tim Sabean is always wearing nice clothes but Gary doesn't. Howard said Gary is supposed to be in charge and he would get more respect if he wore a suit jacket. Howard said Gary doesn't look hideous when he wears that jacket. Gary thanked him for that. He said that maybe Howard can stop telling people how lazy he is if he wears the jacket. Howard said maybe he would. Howard said that every guest should be treated the same. Gary agreed.
Howard said that Slash is coming in now. He said Slash is a man everyone respects. He came up the hard way and he's no poseur. Slash said the new headphones are different. He said the last time he was there was like 5 years ago.
Howard said Slash changed his legendary hat. Howard said some guitar players can't distinguish themselves but Slash did with that hat. Slash said it did become a thing that was recognized. He said he didn't do it intentionally. He said it became a signature kind of thing. He said he doesn't wear it out on the street anymore though. He said he used to wear it out but it got to be ridiculous. Howard said it takes balls to wear a hat like that. He said he must have caught a lot of shit for that. Slash said no one gave him shit for it. He said it's in people's faces all the time though. He stated wearing it at 20.
Howard asked if he stole the hat. Slash said he did and he stole it from Retail Slut. He said he had a show that night and he was cruising around looking for stuff to pilfer. He said he got past that klepto phase but he did lift some stuff that wasn't going to get anyone a huge profit. He said he just walked out with it very casually and no one noticed. He said they were very busy in the store.
Howard asked if he felt guilty for stealing it. Slash said he didn't feel guilty taking it from that store. He said he got drunk not long after that and it got stolen from him. Howard asked if he has a bunch of them. Slash said he only has four of them. Howard asked if it ever comes off when he's performing. Slash said it has fallen off a few times during a performance.
Howard asked if he resented Motley Crue. Slash said he didn't resent them. He said Nikki Sixx was like the original glam metal guy from the late 70s. He said they were way ahead of everyone else. He said after that they started the spandex thing and they were the antithesis of that. Howard said Axl would go on stage wearing a kilt and stockings. Slash said it was different and they had a different attitude too.
Slash said they were more of a ''fuck you'' kind of group. He said everyone else was jumping on the bandwagon while they were going their own way.
Howard asked Slash if they thought they looked ridiculous. Slash said they sort of fell together and they were the only 5 guys that could make up that band. Howard asked if he misses the original band. Slash said it's been a really long time. He said when it was at its coolest it was before the 90s. He said you don't miss something like that. He said you do something cool and you can't recreate it so he doesn't dwell on it.
Robin said there are bands that create a sound and they can't really create what they did again. Howard said what Robin is referring to is like with Mick Jagger on Saturday Night Live. He said that he just isn't the Stones without the other guys in the band no matter who he's playing with.
Howard asked what it is that makes Axl hate Slash so much. Slash said they gave up the name to him and no one really gave a shit at the time. He said when Axl started to put together another band and call it Guns N' Roses then it just went bad. He said when he got into Velvet Revolver he was out denouncing Axl and that may have had something to do with it. Slash said he's not real fond of Axl either. He said that he doesn't have time to worry about it. Slash said it's really not a concern of his.
Howard said when he sees a successful band he sees it as one in a million. Slash said that he has seen some old footage of the band and he's surprised it lasted as long as it did. He told Howard when you start losing band members that's when it starts to go bad. He said the chemistry between the original 5 guys is what made it work.
Howard asked if Slash wrote most of the music. Slash said he came in with the riff stuff but as a song writing team they did it together. He said that the songs from a musical point of view kind of really wrote themselves. Slash said that they could take a couple of hours to finish from top to bottom. He said that Axl and Izzy would come up with the lyrics.
Slash said the early stuff came out that way but then the later stuff was different. He said they were all fucked up later on when they did ''Use Your Illusion'' and stuff like that.
Howard asked Slash about how they were late to get on stage a lot. Slash said he can't even explain that. He said they'd go on 3 hours late at times. He said sometimes it was later. Slash said they tried to reel that in with Axl. Slash said they were so disconnected by then that the rest of them would be drinking while Axl was in his own dressing room. He said it would make a great movie to see all of that.
Howard said Slash seems to be getting more fucked up lead singers as he goes along. Slash said that he's working with a guy right now who is the complete opposite of that. He said that he's working with this guy Miles Kennedy now. He said Miles is in a band called Alterbridge right now. He said he had a couple of songs he wanted to finish and Miles came in to do them. He said that he was considered for a replacement for Robert Plant in Led Zeppelin. Slash said he called Miles and told him what he was doing and he sent in a vocal for his track and it was amazing. He said he met Miles and he was very down to earth and a brilliant singer.
Howard said Slash might be one of the best guitar players in the world but he can't sing his own songs. Slash said he could sing but he doesn't want to. He said he's very stubborn. He said he has a good rock voice but he doesn't like singing. Howard said he doesn't like doing this but he does it. Slash said one of his shortcomings is communication. He said he doesn't like talking. He said he does it because he has to when he's out promoting. He said he's not a very talkative guy. Slash said the last thing he wants to do is emote verbally in a song. Howard asked if he sang any background. Slash said he did here and there but not much on the albums.
Howard asked Slash about the guys getting into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Slash said he didn't expect Axl to show up. He said he didn't expect to show up himself. Slash said he's still not sure what to think about it.
Howard said that Slash played for Van Halen when they were inducted. He asked if he was surprised to see that they've called off their tour already. Slash said he has been hearing different stories about that. He said he heard it was internal problems. Howard asked what those could be. Slash said he heard that they're just tired. He said he saw them play in L.A. a few months ago. Howard said they booked a whole tour and now they're backing out. He said that's kind of wrong to do to the venues and the fans. Slash said he doesn't feel anything in particular about it. He said the only people who can explain it are those guys.
Howard said for his mind if they could go out for a couple of dates and do some shows they get millions of dollars. Howard said you'd think they could put their problems aside. Howard said if Slash and Axl could put their differences aside they could make good money. Slash said it's just not worth it. He said there are too many conflicts of interest. Slash said he was lucky enough to find something he loves to do. He said he loves doing it now but he was miserable back then. He said in the first couple of years it was fine but then it got to be difficult. He said it just wasn't worth it.
Howard asked Slash if he has enough money to live on from the band. Slash said it depends on how much you spend. He said that he's okay financially. He said his wife is great with the money but he's not. Slash said he tries to stay away from stuff that doesn't make money. He said a lot of what he likes to do doesn't make money though.
Slash told Howard and Robin he went to see a Guns N' Roses show in Vegas but there were instructions to keep him out. He said he was with his wife and they just went to another hotel and partied instead. Howard asked if he drives him nuts to see someone else playing his guitar licks. He said it must be like seeing a cover band. Slash said it's actually flattering. He said he's never actually seen it happen. He's just heard about it. Slash said the guys who kept him out were apologizing and saying they thought it was stupid that they had to keep him out.
Howard said Slash created those great licks and that's what Axl is missing. He said he can hire 50,000 guys to do what Slash did but they can't recreate what goes on in the studio. He said if he could sit down with these fuckers he'd get this thing going. Howard said he knows he could. Slash said he doesn't think anyone cares enough. Howard said he does. Slash said he doesn't though.
Howard said Slash left the band and then hooked up with Scott Weiland. That turned out to be horrible too. Slash said that was something they knew they were getting into. He said they just wanted to play. He said they did this gig with a bunch of guys and played. He said Duff called him the next morning and said they should do something with it. Slash said he was in the process of doing a solo project and he got sidetracked with Duff. He said that they were auditioning like 200 singers a week for months. He said it was miserable. Howard asked how that goes. Slash said that it's a little more personal than Howard thinks. He said they try to make the guy feel comfortable. He said they could tell within seconds sometimes if the guy was comfortable. Howard said it has to be a weird scene.
Slash said he didn't know much about Scott but the other guys did. He said that he and Duff were fresh out of detox and they thought they could fix Scott. He said Scott was a mess when they started but they wrote a few great songs together. He said he still likes Scott but only when he's not in a band with him.
Howard asked Slash about how bad things got with Scott. Slash said they can get bad just like they did with Axl. He said what happens is a chemical thing where they don't realize they're doing anything wrong. He said he thinks it's extreme narcissism. He said they all have egos but you can go to an extreme that makes it really bad.
Howard asked Slash about going to rehab. Slash said he didn't want to go until he really had to. He said he even quit smoking cigarettes in there. He said he still has the nicotine stuff to help. He said he's been sober for 3 years now. He said there are things that can trigger it. He said the cigarette thing isn't as stressful as the alcohol or heroin. He said he used to drink 24/7 for 25 years. He said that he did it so he wouldn't get a hangover.
Slash said it was all fun and games until the 90s when it became a necessity. He said he doesn't want to be in that situation again and that's one reason he doesn't want to be in the Guns N' Roses thing. He said he had to be the peace keeper with the band.
Howard asked Slash about his wife and if that's all good. Slash said they had their 10 year anniversary so they renewed their vows. He said they had one stressful time in their marriage and that was an internal thing. He said that he was on one side of the world and someone told him that she was cheating. He said the person was really fueling it and it turned it wasn't true. Howard asked what the motive was. Slash said he doesn't want to get into it. He said he'd rather talk about Guns N' Roses.
Howard asked if life has been difficult for him. Slash said it really hasn't been. He said that in 2005 they all fell off the wagon when they were in Velvet Revolver. He said it was a gradual thing. He said it started with a bottle of Jack Daniels. He said they had finished the mastering of their album and he saw the bottle of Jack and he figured it was a perfect reward. Howard asked if he thought he could drink that and not drink anymore. Slash said he figured he could control it. He hadn't been to rehab yet so he thought he could control it.
Howard asked how much Slash needed to get drunk. Slash said he wouldn't even get drunk. He said he just maintained himself. He would get up in the morning and have a drink and a cigarette. He said Ron Wood used to tell him it was too much.
Howard said it must be something from childhood. Slash said his dad was a pretty good drinker. Howard said Slash's mom used to date David Bowie. Slash said he hasn't seen him for while but he has spoken to him. He said that Axl actually berated Bowie at a show once. He said he was in the balcony in the show and he said some stuff to him and David felt threatened. Howard said he's one of the greatest artists ever. Slash agreed. He said the last he heard he was working on a movie.
Slash asked how Howard is doing. Howard told him he's a judge on America's Got Talent now. Slash said he saw that last night and he saw the kid getting smashed in the balls with the sticks and stuff. Howard said he doesn't wear a cup. Slash said he had to change the channel after 45 seconds. Howard said he thought it was the greatest thing ever. Slash said it reminds him of his BMX days and the Jackass stuff reminds him of being 15 years old.
Howard asked Slash about Steven Tyler being on American Idol and a Burger King commercial. Slash said the Burger King thing doesn't bother him since he's already on American Idol. He said it was like Steven was putting the band aside to do this thing and he was anti-that whole thing. He said that he doesn't really have a problem with it. He said he talked to Joe about it and they worked it all out.
Howard asked if he thinks that it was good for Aerosmith. Slash said it might work for them. slash said as long as you're producing new material it doesn't matter what else you're doing. He said getting famous for doing absolutely nothing is lame.
Slash appeared on American Idol. Slash said he saw this Adam Lambert kid on Idol and he went down to see him in person. He said they asked him to be on the show and he didn't want to do it at the time. He said he was talked into doing it. He said he doesn't regret doing it.
Howard asked Slash about how he wanted to work with Michael Jackson and have him appear on an album. Slash said he thought about it but never did pursue it. Howard said that guy was weird. He said he had a meeting with him once and it was very strange. Slash said he passed away before he got to have him do something with him. He said he had worked with him before though. Slash said he was kind of familiar with Michael's problems before he passed away. He said that he knows that Anna Nicole was getting methadone delivered to her apartment. He said he was friendly with her too. She said she had methadone in her refrigerator.
Howard asked Slash if he hated Nirvana. Slash said they were great. He said that there were some issues they had with Axl but he always thought the 90s was a really healthy page for rock and roll. Howard said it meant the end of a certain type of rock and roll. Slash said it did for the hair bands but Guns had something to do with that too.
Howard asked Slash if he agreed with what Kurt Cobain was saying about Axl. Slash said he did sort of agree with some of what they were saying.
Howard said there's a list that says Slash is the second greatest guitar player in the world. He asked if he believes that. Slash said he doesn't. Howard asked if he tries to protect his hands and stuff. Slash said he boxes but he tries to keep his hands inside his car when he'd driving.
Howard asked Slash if he practices every day. Slash said he does and he has a new album coming out today so he has to practice. That led to Howard giving him a plug for the new album ''Apocalyptic Love'' and for his web site SlashOnline.com
Howard asked Slash about his idols and Slash ran through a bunch of names. He said that's why he doesn't think that he's one of the greatest.
Howard asked Slash if he uses the G in Guacamole. Slash said he does and his wife does too and she's Hispanic.
Howard played some of Slash's new song ''You're A Lie'' which he figured was about Axl. Howard said he had to hear the new lead singer's voice. He let the song play for a minute and asked where he gets the album played. Slash said there are a few stations around the country that are great for that.
Howard said it has to be hard to get an album made today. Slash said it's very stale right now and there will be a revolution some day when people get sick of the way they're being treated. Howard told Slash that Gregg Allman is coming in next. Slash said that's great. He said they used to go out with the same girl. Howard said he bets that Gregg got more pussy than Slash did. Slash said he won't argue with that. Howard told Slash not to even talk to Gregg. He said his sobriety is in question. Howard gave Slash some more plugs and said he doesn't know when he'll see him again. Slash said he's seen Robin out and about a few times. Howard said he'd like Slash to come out to one of the live shows for AGT. Slash said he really didn't get that whole ball smashing thing. Howard said he should have stuck with it. It was funny. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked George if he's a fan of the Allman Brothers. George said that's just not in his world. George said that Cole Porter is more his thing. Howard told George to listen to the guitar playing on this song that was playing. Howard said that was Dickie and Duane.
Howard had Gregg Allman come in next. Howard said he knew he'd meet him some day. He said he wanted to stare at him for a minute. He said he's never been this close to a legend.
Howard asked Gregg why he wrote this book ''My Cross to Bear.''He said it seems to be very fitting. He said he's been surrounded by terrible tragedy. Howard said Gregg's dad died as a young man. Gregg said he was only 2 when his dad died. He said he never got to know the man. Gregg said he lived in Nashville and eventually moved to Florida. That's when he started playing guitar. Gregg said he taught his brother guitar and he took off and passed him like he was standing still.
Howard asked what killed his dad. Gregg said his dad came home from the Korean war and he was promoted to captain. He said they were out celebrating and they had dirt roads and corn fields. He said they were shooting pool in this beer joint and this guy sided up next to his dad and asked to play pool. Toward the end of the night the guy asked if he could give him a ride home. He said his dad said sure and the guy told him to turn at this dirt road. His dad was driving his new car. He said the guy pulled a .45 and put it to his dad's neck and told him to get out. Gregg said his dad told the guy he had nothing to give him and just take the car. The guy told his dad that he had to kill him because he knew his name. He said his dad took off running and the guy shot him 4 times in the back.
Howard asked how they know all of this. Gregg said this isn't the end of it. He said he got letters from prison. They gave the shooter 99 years plus 1. He said they wanted him to just rot in jail. Howard asked Gregg if he's a death penalty guy. Gregg said he's not sure. He said you don't realize what your answer would be until it happens to you.
Howard asked why the guy wrote him letters. Gregg said someone must have told him who he was and who he had killed. Howard said this guy must have been turned on by killing a celebrity's father. Gregg said if he had fans in prison then he'd have a rough way to go. Gregg said he never answered the letters. He said he got about 6 from the guy though. Howard asked if he said he was sorry. Gregg said he was begging forgiveness. Gregg said he wasn't the one to be asking for that.
Howard asked if Gregg's mother carried aroudn the sadness. Gregg said she didn't. Howard said that's a hell of a way to die after going to war and then coming back and being shot in the back. Howard said he got jipped out of knowing his father. Howard asked if he went to therapy over it. Gregg said he did and it did help.
Howard said Gregg's brother Duane raised him. He said Gregg's brother was the one who wanted to start the band. Gregg said everyone had a band because the Beatles had just gotten big. He said that there was some serious competition out there. Howard said Gregg wanted to be a dental surgeon. Gregg said that's true. Howard asked where he came up with that. Gregg said he was a good student and he was valedictorian twice. He said he went to military school for a few years. Gregg said he found the guitar and he got distracted by that.
Howard asked if he was a lead guitarist. Gregg said he was at first but then he found that his brother couldn't sing so he took over that and his brother did the guitar playing.
Howard asked Gregg about his brother fighting with him over the years. Gregg said that his brother would punch him in the face every day but if someone else tried to fight him then he'd protect him. Howard said he'd be pissed if he was treated like that.
Howard asked Gregg if he thought about not putting his brother in the band with him because of the way he treated him. Gregg said ''Well... yeah.'' Howard asked if it was his brother challenging him all the time that made him do it. Gregg said he did that but not in this case.
Howard said Gregg's brother needed him more than Gregg needed him. He said Gregg was afraid to write songs. Gregg wasn't sure what he meant by that. Howard said that it takes balls to write a song.
Howard said he thinks that the Allman Brothers created a genre of music. Gregg said he didn't know of anyone doing what they were doing. Howard asked if he thinks they get enough credit. Gregg said no. He said he's not sure why. Gregg said they're one of those ''show me'' bands. He said that the way they made it they're always getting that question. Howard asked if he thinks they've made it yet. Gregg laughed.
Howard asked whose idea it was to have two lead guitar players. Gregg said his brother created the band and then called him. He said his brother needed him for the writing and singing. Gregg said he later found out that he had some respect for him.
Howard asked Gregg if he hates motorcycles. Gregg said he has 3 of them. Howard asked about his brother dying in a motorcycle accident and if he hates them because of that. Gregg said he loves them. Gregg said his brother had two speeds, parked and 100. Howard said if he was in a band he wouldn't want to risk losing his life on a motorcycle. Howard said Gregg does everything to the extreme though. He said he's not afraid to destroy himself. Gregg said he's working on it.
Howard asked if Gregg will still ride to this day. Gregg said he had a hernia operation recently so he can't ride. Howard said he had a kidney replacement a couple of years ago too. Gregg said that surgery was really painful. He said they have to separate your ribs and that's very painful. He said the liver he got was from a 29 year old. He said after a year they'll tell him who it came from. He said you can write your first name to the family. He said you can have a relationship with the family if they want to. He said he wrote to them but he didn't get a response.
Howard asked if he told them who he was. Gregg said he can only give his first name. Howard asked if he thinks he would have gotten a letter back if he had given his full name. Gregg said he does.
Howard asked how the liver is doing. Gregg said it's working great. Robin said he basically went to sleep and woke up cured. Gregg said he still has some pain from the operation.
Howard asked Gregg if he would have changed the way he treated his body if he knew how it was going to go. Gregg said he probably would.
Gregg said he had Hepatitis C and he thinks he got it from a dirty tattoo needle. Howard asked where he would get tattoos. Gregg said this guy was very well known. Howard asked how he thinks he got Hep C. Gregg said he walked into this place, in San Francisco, and up the long steps. He said the sign said ''Welcome Art Lovers.'' Gregg said the brothers had mushrooms tattooed on their legs. Howard asked why that was. Gregg said it was his brother's idea. He said they had some people come up and mix up some mushrooms. He said they would make them into tabs and all of that.
Gregg told Howard he went to this tattoo parlor and this guy had a desk turned sideways. He said it had two galvanized buckets with a clear liquid in it. He said the other one was dark red. He had long things sticking out of the buckets. They were needles that were already used. He said the artist cleaned the needle in the clear bucket. He said the red was blood. He said he had no idea what the whole protocol was. He said he got his tattoo and that was that. He said he could have gotten AIDS. Howard asked if he hates his tattoos because they gave him Hep C. Gregg said he doesn't. Robin said she forgot that he came up in the time when AIDS wasn't known.
Howard asked Gregg if he says he saw Jimi Hendrix play an he wasn't impressed. Gregg said he has the wrong guy. He said he saw Jimi play and he was great. Gregg said he was hanging over a wall watching the show. He said he was in Atlanta and Jimi came on real late. He said he had heard all of his records and he wanted to see how he did some of the stuff he did in the studio. Gregg said it's a different story live but the guy didn't disappoint. Howard said he heard that Eric Clapton wanted to give up playing when he saw Jimi play. Gregg just laughed.
Howard said he's thinking about the Allman Brothers Band and how they never got the respect that some other bands did. Howard said you can name 100 songs of theirs that are great. Howard said it must be frustrating to Gregg. Gregg said he might have thought about that. Howard said it's not about the money because they did get a lot of money. Gregg said that's true.
Howard asked Gregg about the guy who asked him to put his name on ''Sweet Melissa'' as a co-writer for $250. Gregg said the whole band was doing bad and he asked for some money for food. He said anyone made of anything would have just fed the band. Gregg said he came back and asked for his song back. He said he was going to give the guy his $250 but the guy said that's not the number they talked about. Gregg said they never talked money. He said that guy was a real parasite. Gregg said he got the song back eventually thanks to his good attorney.
Howard asked if ''Sweet Melissa'' was something he wrote when the band was doing really well. Gregg said he actually wrote that when he was 17 and it was the first song he ever wrote. He told Howard how he wrote it and came up with the fake person Melissa. He said it wasn't a real person. Gregg said he didn't have a name for the song title so he had to put it down for a little while. Gregg said he went out shopping one night and he met this old Spanish lady and her granddaughter. He said you could tell that she didn't speak much English at all. He said the toddler had just learned to walk. He said she took off one time out of ear shot and the lady yelled ''Melissa! Come back Melissa!'' He said he got the three syllable name he needed for the song thanks to that woman. Howard said it's crazy he wrote that song at 17. Howard said he doesn't have to labor over the songs that come to you that quick.
Howard asked Gregg if he ever got resentful for not keeping the songs for himself. Gregg said that did occur to him. He said he has another band and it's called Gregg Allman and Friends. He said that the other guys in the band have their own bands and it's just not like playing with the Allman Brothers. Howard said he gets that. Robin said they try to explain that to other people and they just don't get it.
Howard asked Gregg about being with Cher and if he looks at that whole thing badly. Gregg said he looks back on it fondly. Howard said Gregg made an album with Cher. He asked if he wanted to do that.
Howard said that it was a weird scene for Gregg and Cher. They would do shows together and they had the fans for Cher and Gregg fighting at the concerts. Gregg said they would have fans yelling ''Throw the bitch off the stage!'' when she'd be up there.
Howard asked how that whole thing lasted. Gregg said it lasted 3 years. Robin said that Chaz told them a story about Gregg taking her to school. Howard said Chaz claims that Gregg picked her up from school and Gregg had to sleep on the side of the road. They didn't get home from school until 11 at night. Gregg didn't seem to remember that story. Howard said that's the day Chaz decided to become a man.
Howard asked Gregg if he talks to Cher anymore. Gregg said he stays in touch. Howard said it's hard to maintain your relationship with your kid sometimes. Gregg said his son is always traveling abroad and he doesn't keep in touch with him that much. He said he can come and visit him whenever he wants though. He said he has all of his kids at Christmas time.
Howard said the Allman Brothers are known for jamming. He said they have done 6 hour long shows at times. Howard said a friend told him that he was at a show and there was a hot chick in the crowd who disappeared. then Gregg disappeared. He said that Gregg can have a whole life during a jam. He said he can have a whole relationship. Gregg laughed. Howard said he heard that he got his new liver during a jam. Gregg said that was a quickie.
Howard said Gregg is amazing. He gave him a plug for his book ''My Cross to Bear'' and asked if he had to get people to help him out with stories. Gregg said he loves it when things fall in line. He said he had a guy on the road crew who could remember all of the dates they played and where they played. Howard said he has a guy like that. He said Gary remembers all of that. Gregg told him to save that guy so he can help him write his memoirs.
Howard asked if Gregg still practices playing guitar. Gregg said he doesn't do that but he does write songs. Gregg also told Howard he's engaged to be married. Howard asked what number wife this is. Gregg said she's number 1. Howard asked how much younger she is. He said it must be at least 20 years. Gregg said it must be. He didn't say exactly how much it was.
Howard said that Gregg talks about a lot of things in his book. He asked Gregg about a few things. Gregg told Howard about this pharmacist he had that would help him get drugs. He said the stuff he was using was all pharmaceutical. He said he did use heroin too. He said that he used Dilaudid. Howard asked if he went to rehab. Gregg said he went to 14.
Howard said he read about how Gregg nodded off during his first date with Cher. Gregg said he was a little tired. Howard said he thought maybe Cher was boring. Gregg said she wasn't boring. Howard said he heard that Cher loved the second date and he'd love to know what he did to that woman. Gregg laughed.
Robin asked Gregg if he had any other famous women. Gregg wouldn't say. Howard said that was a silly question because he must have.
Howard asked why he wrote the book. Gregg said he figured he'd like to relive it some day so he wrote it down so he can flip through the pages when he's old and retired.
Howard asked Gregg if he's ever thought of giving up the music and go learn to be dental surgeon. Gregg laughed and said that's a good one to leave on. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
George said that was a fascinating interview. Howard said the guy is a legend. He said he can't convert George into an Allman Brothers fan. That would be like George playing show tunes for him. That led to Howard singing some show tunes saying that he probably knows more than George does. The two of them were going back and forth singing some show tunes. George said Howard might be right because he knows more of the lyrics.
Howard said his parents took him to the theater every Sunday. He said that's why he hates it now. George said he could change that. The two of them sang some more.
George said he knows the first line of every song. He said he knows a woman who can fill in the rest. Howard sang ''Do you love me'' from Fiddler on the Roof and George didn't know what the next line was. Howard said he isn't a real gay man. He's not a pure blood.
George said he saw Fiddler on the Roof in Japan. He said if you think about it the two societies are very similar. Howard asked if they had sushi instead of Gefilte fish. George said they did it exactly as it was written.
Howard said today's show was very busy with Slash and Gregg. Howard spent a minute talking about his own band ''The Plumber's Union'' and how he wrote songs at the young age of 13.
Howard took a call from a woman who said Howard is so incredible on America's Got Talent. Howard said Robin was on too. The caller said Robin looked beautiful in the audience. Robin thanked her for that. Howard said she stole his moment.
The caller asked Robin if she has any new news about her health. Robin said everything is the same. She said that her uncle had a tumor that was benign and he's fine now. Robin said Howard told her a story last week too. She said it means nothing to her. Howard said he's standing by that experience. The caller said it makes her feel better thinking about it that way.
The caller said that they should check out the Magic City and Lilyhammer TV shows. She told them how good they are and Howard said he hasn't heard a word she said. He said he was still thinking about who he told Robin about with the fibroid problem. Howard said he doesn't even have a friend with a fibroid problem. Howard said he may have made it up for Robin. The caller said her story was true.
Robin said she did watch some of that Lilyhammer show. She said it's really interesting. Howard said his plate his full right now. Robin told him to check it out when he's done with the rest of the stuff. Howard said he's into The Wire right now. He hated the first season but now he's really into it. Robin said they used names of streets in the neighborhood where she grew up in that show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to tell George that he loves him. He said if he was gay he'd have a three way with him and Brad. George said that there is no opening for that. Howard said he thinks George would be open to it but not Brad. George said he gets tempted often but he's able to think about what it would do and he stops to think about what it would do. He said when you're young you don't think long term.
Robin read about how Alanis Morissette is an attachment mom. That means she's going to let her son breast feed until he feels he's done. Howard said that's just wrong. He said it's absurd. Robin said some women love breast feeding. Howard said they're kooks. Howard said that a parent's job is to help a kid become independent. Howard said you have to be strong enough to tell your kid goodbye. Howard said you have to train them to be ready for life. Robin said that Alanis thinks that this will make the child less dependant. Howard and George don't think that's the case.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loved the interviews today. His phone connection was bad so Howard said he didn't understand what he was saying. The guy disappeared a few seconds later.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she got frustrated with AGT last season because of the camera work. She said the cameraman had the cameras all over the place during the basketball team playing. Howard said he gets that but he thinks the show is edited very well. He said people like to have stuff thrown at them rapidly these days. He said he understands the effect they're going for. They want to keep things moving. Howard said he can see both sides of it. He said he thinks that they're doing a good job to relate to a big audience.
The caller said that she thought Howard was very good with the 7 year old but her husband thought it was disingenuous. Howard said he didn't even realize he was going up on stage. He said he felt guilty and he only had on his mind how he could make the kid stop crying. The caller said he should have stuck a breast in his mouth. Howard said he was thinking about singing ''Old Man River'' to him. He said he really wasn't thinking in a funny way, he just wanted to make the kid feel better.
The caller said she has a 7 year old and she would feel awful too. Howard said if he had a 7 year old he wouldn't put them on stage. Howard said he kid broke down and he felt bad about it. Howard said there are cynics out there who think he's calculated with that stuff. He's really not. They talked about the finalists and if they fly them out there. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said he thinks they get a per diem but he's not sure. Robin said they must take care of them in Vegas.
Robin got back to her news and read about the John Travolta case and some things going on with Gloria Allred. That led to Howard talking about the Travolta thing. Howard and George talked about that and Howard asked if George would talk to John if he can get him in there. George laughed and said he'd like to talk to him. Howard said maybe he'll have him call in tomorrow. George laughed. He knew what was coming. They spent a minute on that and then took a break.
After the break, around 9:40am, Robin got back to her news and read about a band that performs with no instruments. Howard had some audio of the band. Howard said if he had them on AGT he'd have to tell them that it's not as good as a real song. Robin said the group is from Atlanta. Howard said he'd tell them ''You're going to... Atlanta.''
Robin said there is talk that J-Lo won't be coming back to Idol. Robin said there is no clear cut favorite to replace her. Robin said they had a pole on a web site where people said they'd like to see Elton John or Madonna replace her. Howard said he'd like to see the President of Iran as a judge. Howard said he'd tune in for that.
Robin said one of the names being thrown around is Cher. Howard said Sharon almost didn't make it to a taping when she was sick and they were thinking about getting someone to fill in for her and Cher's name came up. Howard said he's thinking that she doesn't like him so that might not have been very fun.
Robin read about how Paula Dean finding out that her family were slave owners back many years ago. Howard said he's pretty sure his family were slaves and if he did some research he'd find that out. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Howard had George do an announce as they were coming back from that live commercial. George started to read it but he lost his place. He mentioned Robin's urine sack and how he calls his sack his ball sack. George also calls it his husband's lunch bag. Howard had him read it over again when he screwed it up. George said he was stealing a peek at Robin and it was just an instinct.
Robin read about the nation's oldest civil rights group endorsing the gay marriage thing. Robin had some audio of someone from the NAACP talking about that. Howard and George spent a minute talking about that. Howard said that this country gets along pretty well compared to the rest of the world. George said in Europe they still fight racial wars and cultural wars. He agreed that we are doing pretty well.
Robin read about how this kid involved in the Rutgers suicide case has gotten a 30 day jail term. Robin had some audio of the judge announcing the jail term.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the interview was excellent with Gregg Allman. He wondered if Howard wanted to help him with words coming out of his mouth. Howard said the guy's body has been through a lot and he knows the guy is shy. The caller said he wanted to help him get the words out quicker. Howard said they'll replay it at 48 RPM later in the day so they'll come out quicker. George said he learned a lot about Gregg thanks to Howard and Robin. He said Gregg would take 3 seconds to say ''yep.'' The caller said he felt the same way. Howard said he is a fascinating guy if you put the time in. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin said the first commercial rocket to the International Space Station took off this morning. Robin said the rocket took off and will meet up with the Space Station by Thursday. Howard asked how they make money doing that. George thought it's the government. Gary said he thinks that George is right and NASA pays them to send stuff up there for them.
Howard said he thinks there's something noble about going into space. Robin said it was very inspiring when they were young and we wanted to go to the moon. Robin said we don't have anything like that now. Howard said it's not fun when we don't have that. Robin said we need focus and to take on a big game like that. Howard said we got Tang out of that whole thing. George said we got lighter aluminum out of it too.
Robin got back to her news and read about Mitt Romney. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about some climbers who died at Mt. Everest. Robin said they probably became weak coming down and died on their way to the bottom. Howard said he doesn't get why people want to risk their life climbing a mountain. Howard said that's like Gregg Allman who rides a motorcycle even though his brother was killed on one. Robin read about the three people who died. One was a 62 year old man. Robin said that they estimated that 150 climbers reached the summit over the weekend.
Robin read about how there are some lawsuits against the Obamacare health care. Howard said that he can't believe they're arguing about birth control. Robin said this is like the backward generation. She read some more details about that case.
Robin read about how Eric Dickerson is filing a suit against the NFL. He claims that they covered up concussion injuries in the league.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if guests are given bottles of water when they come in. Howard said he offered Warren a bottle yesterday. Gary said they are offered something when they're in the green room. They spent a minute talking about that.
Gary came in and said that Tim Sabean has a thing like he does with his blazer. He said that Tim only buys food for certain guests. Howard said that's such a weird thing. He wonders what the line is. He said they'll have to ask him tomorrow.
Ralph called in and told the guys that Velcro came out of the space program. He said he just wanted to throw that in there. Howard said he thinks the G-string came out of that too.
Robin read a story about how mail carriers are attacked most by dogs. She had some details about the worst places for dog attacks on mail carriers and some audio of a guy talking about that. Howard said he had a pack of dogs running at him when he was out for a jog. He said he was told to jam his fist down a dog's throat if it attacks you. He said he didn't back down from this pack and they just kept running by.
Robin read about Peyton Manning working out with the Denver Broncos for the first time. Robin had some audio of him talking about that. Howard said he didn't care while the clip was playing.
Robin read about Kevin Costner and some things he was saying about working with Whitney Houston. Howard said he runs into Costner up there at Sirius a lot. He said he thinks he's a fan but he's not sure he'd ever come on the show. Robin said he gave a great eulogy at her funeral. Robin had some audio of Costner talking about Whitney.
Robin read about Whitney Houston's daughter being part of a gambling probe in Las Vegas. Robin said they have video of the 19 year old playing slot machines in Las Vegas. You're supposed to be 21 to gamble. Robin said she could face 6 months in county jail for playing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loves George on the show and he hopes Robin is going to be okay. He also told Howard that he has this reputation for being a juvenile delinquent but he saw last night that he's a softie. Howard said of course he is. The caller said he thinks he's changing people's opinions of him and he's doing a great job on the show. Howard thanked him for that. Howard said he's not sure why people don't think he's a human being. Howard said George knows that he's a great guy. Robin said it took him a while to see that though. George said Brad told him about him and then the offer came in about being the announcer. He said he had moments of pause about that.
Robin read about how David Lee Roth made a video statement about the Van Halen tour cancellation. Robin said David says the band just needed a break. Howard said they had a 25 year break. They had some audio of David talking about how they bit off more than they could chew. He said they had to call it off for now.
Robin read about how Ringo Starr is putting out a book and it's going to be about music. Robin said he says that people only want stories from the time he was in the Beatles. Robin said he claims he could write 5 volumes about those days. Howard played some of one of his songs where he sings about living in Liverpool. Howard said he's sure people are going to get that.
Robin read about Willie Nelson talking about how he learned to write songs while working on a farm. Fred played some goat sounds and Howard sang like Willie does and he said he can see how he got that singing style from being on the farm. Robin had some audio of Willie talking about that too. They wrapped up and ended the show aroudn 10:20am.
Jon brought up Gary's blazer too. Gary said he's going to wear it whenever they have a guest there. He said the history Jason has isn't really correct because he would take it off when he'd have his picture taken. Gary said he probably should wear the jacket all the time and that's what he decided today. Gary said he's been wearing a button up shirt for a while now and he's going to start wearing the blazer too.
Jon said that Howard was talking about how he had a moment of possibly wanting a kid when he was hugging the 7 year old. Gary said that moment can pass quickly and he doesn't think Howard wants to have kids. Gary said once in a while he thinks about how he misses it. Jon said you forget what that age involves and it does pass.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he does the same thing with his eggs and ketchup that Gary does. He said he's 45 years old and still does it. Gary said he must not be grown up then.
Another caller said he puts Salsa and hot sauce on his eggs. Jon said he thinks it's the ketchup that Howard had the issue with. Gary said ketchup is the easiest thing to have around. Benjy said that Howard was saying that people rely on sauces too much.
Gary said he takes one packet and puts it on his eggs. He said his wife uses even more and really does smother her food.
Jon said George gets a look when they talk about certain things on the show. Gary said there's a moment in Gods and Monsters where Ian McKellen thinks about the old days and that's the kind of look George will get when they talk about the old days.
Jon asked Benjy if he sensed that George would like to do that kind of thing but he can't do it. Gary said he got a note from someone saying that George was posting strange pictures on Facebook during the show. Gary said it must be Brad who posts that stuff. He said he saw a post where they said that George was in the dog house. He said Brad must be sending him messages that way.
Gary asked Benjy if he would give George a hand job for $50,000. Benjy said he thinks so. He said he'd have to make sure it's okay with his girlfriend. Jon said he bets that Richard would do it for free. He said he'd do it for free because it's George and it would be funny. Gary said they might be able to get him to do it for free.
Gary said that Benjy once asked if he could jerk off next to Rudy Giuliani during an interview. Benjy said he wanted to do that with Bill O'Reilly too. He said he started to do it once in the studio but Tom got mad and made him stop. They had to go to break a short time later.
Richard said it would be funny to see George with a hard on. He said there is a stigma attacked to jerking a guy off though. He said he's straight and some people would think he was gay. He said he needs some compensation for doing it if he's got to have his buddies goofing on him.
Richard said he doesn't think George would ever do it because he's married and Brad wouldn't want him doing it. Jon asked if he'd do it for 5 grand. Richard said maybe. He said if the cash was in front of his face he probably would. Benjy asked if he'd do it in private if Brad and George asked him to do it. Richard said he might do it.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that it's so unexpected that George is so sexual at his age. She said for him to be that open is amazing to her. Gary said that's one of the things they love about George. He said he's open to everything. Gary said he hopes he's as interested in sex as George is at that age.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Gregg sounded totally out of it. He wondered if he's always sounded like that. Gary said he definitely wasn't high. He said they knew it was going to be a tough interview. He said the pauses were worth waiting through. He said his answers were interesting.
Jon said the Sweet Melissa story was great and he liked how Howard tried to move on before the story was over. Then Gregg told him to let him finish.
Gary said the whole dual lead guitar thing was very innovative. Richard said he loves that kind of music. He said he's such a legend and he was psyched to have him there. Richard said he can't wait to read his book.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Richard is giving Kansas a bad name. Richard asked if he'd suck off Ronnie for a million. The caller said he wouldn't do it for 10 million.
The caller said they had a contest to find a wack packer and the winner hasn't been on since. The guy's name was Hillbilly Jack and he just hasn't been calling in. Jon asked if Jeff was upset he wasn't on AGT last night. Gary said maybe he's holding back for tonight's show to air before he gets upset. They had to go to break after that.
Jon moved on to talk about Slash. Jon said that Howard was talking about trying to get the band back together but Slash doesn't think that will ever happen. Richard said he'd pay a ton of money to see them back together. Gary said that Slash is a great guitarist but he may never get to that point where he'll sell a ton of records. He said you need a great singer to make that happen.
The guys talked about the albums that Guns N' Roses put out over the years. Gary said there's a girl moaning on a song and they claim that's Axl banging Izzy's girl in the studio. That's what the rumor is anyway.
Jon and Gary talked about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame thing too. Gary said that they're going to have to rename it the Music Hall of Fame because there are a lot of groups in the hall of fame that don't play rock.
Jon asked Richard what he thought about Slash stumbling upon the nut mashing on AGT last night and tuning out. Gary said he thinks that it's the most memorable thing that anyone has seen on the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who gave them some history on Guns N' Roses and how Axle and the other guys started the band and Slash came in. Richard said he thinks that Slash and Steven Adler were friends before the band. The caller said he was right about that.
Jon asked Gary if he was surprised that Slash had a new hat on today. Gary said he was but he was glad because he was able to put the headphones over it. Richard said he grew up on heavy metal and he loved that he could never see his face. He said for the first year or two you never saw it and he thought it was really cool.
Gary said some people want to create a look but with Slash you can't create that look. He said it just happens.
Benjy asked Gary if he's going to wear a special blazer for certain guests from now on. Gary said he's not. He said he's going to have one blazer. Jon asked Richard if he's going to jerk George off if Brad gives the okay. Richard said he would do it because how many people can say they jerked off Sulu? Gary said that's actually a good question. They wrapped up and ended the show. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show welcoming George Takei to the show once again. George said this is his last day this week. Howard said George does it all. He said his agent called yesterday and said that George wants him to do something for him. He said usually he'd say no. George said for the past 2 and a half years a filmmaker has been filming him and Brad. He said she's doing a documentary on them. Howard said that's crazy to spend that kind of time on it. George said he's seen some clips and it's witty.
Howard asked George about this woman who has devoted two years of her life to this. George said she's been covering some of the speeches he makes about the internment camps that he was in as a child. George said he thinks that she's getting a lot of grants for the film. Howard said he can't believe there's a job where a woman follows them around. Howard said that sounds like a hell of a job. George said she's not with them constantly. He said it's when he's speaking at conferences and things like that.
Howard said he loves George but this sounds boring. George said it's really not. He said she's tying it into the internment camp stories. Howard asked where she's going to release this. George said she'll take it to some film festivals and maybe she'll get a commercial release.
George said up until he did Howard's show people would say ''Hi Sulu'' but now that he's on the show people call him George. He said Brad gets recognized too. He said Howard has brightened his identity as an actor and as an activist.
Howard said he does feel as a personality he's really out there and people love him. Howard said what he's doing is even more important than what he did as Sulu. Howard said that was 100 years ago and now he's ''George.'' Howard said he gets excited because now he knows who he really is. George said Howard is the one who recognized it. He said he was a little reticent when he was asked to be the announcer on the show. He said Brad pushed him to give it a try. He said he's a great manager.
Howard asked George how this involves him. He said his agent told him he should do something for him even though he'd usually turn it down. Howard said it sounds like it's going to take up his time. He said he likes George so he might do something. George said the woman is going to ask him what made him have him on the show.
Howard said he'd like to answer questions for it now and give her the tape from Howard TV. Howard asked what he needs to know. George asked what it was that he saw in him that made him ask him to be on the show. Howard said if he answers it now he doesn't want to meet with her. George said he'd like to have him meet with her. Howard said his agent thought that he could do it on the TV show. George said she'll accommodate him in any way she can. Howard said he's going to be locked into this thing.
Gary said Howard is saying that they could do it now and it would be good. Howard said that this woman wants it on film. Howard said he thinks that no one is going to want to see this documentary. Howard said he's not talking about Japanese internment camps. Howard said he thinks he's wasting his time with this. George said he'll see what it's all about.
Howard told George that he thinks this thing is going to be shown at some film festivals and then it will go away. George doesn't think that's the case. He said that they even have Bill Shatner in it. Howard said he didn't know that. He said maybe if they put on space suits and fly around space then people will see it.
Gary asked who George sees as an audience there. George said Howard's audience is one. George said his facebook has over 1.9 million people. He said they're pushing 2 million and he thinks that will be some of the audience. He said they're people who get a laugh out of this stuff. Howard said he'll do it for him but he really doesn't want to. He said he's going to ask this woman what the fuck she's doing.
Gary said they should do it there. Howard said they should do it during the show. Howard said he can't imagine hearing stories about Japanese internment camps. Howard said he will do it for George. Howard said he thought he was asking Mr. Miagi to be the announcer on the show. He didn't realize they were getting Mr. Sulu.
Howard asked if he can be funny and say he thinks it was good that they were put in the internment camps. George said he can say what he wants. Howard said he might want to be funny and do that. He said that we were attacked at Pearl Harbor and they threw people in the camps so we could sort them out later. George said that some people went from behind those barbed wires to prove their Americanism. Howard said he still has Ronnie search George when he comes in.
Howard said we all understand why it was upsetting. He said people thought they were sneaky looking back then. Howard said he's just joking around about this to get George going. George said he does get his blood boiling.
Howard said he's going to give them the tape of George squeezing the guy's penis on the show. He said they could have him touching Jason Ellis or Jonah Falcon. George laughed.
Gary said that they're going to have to shoot this like it's a movie. George said that he'll tell her to do it like Howard wants her to do it. Howard said he knows no one will see this so he doesn't care how he looks in it. Howard said he would do anything for George. He said he loves him and he's a great guy. He said if this helps pay him back for the laughs and fun they've had then he'll do it. He said he'll roll out the red carpet for this woman and he will speak highly of him. George said he would appreciate that.
Howard said they have tape of George and Jason Ellis together so that's what they'll roll. Howard TV played the clip and George was cracking up watching it again. Howard said George's hands were trembling when he did that. George said he saw the pain he was in when he had all of those clamps on his penis. Howard asked if it was shaking out of sheer ecstasy. George said that he was caressing him so he wasn't in ecstasy.
Gary said that George gets a smile on his face like he's on heroin or something. He said yesterday he had that look on his face talking about the old days. George said back then it was pure lust. Howard asked if he could do 2 or 3 guys in a day back then. George said he could do that many in one night. Howard said it was very dangerous back then to do that. George said it really was. He said he didn't do anal but he did other things.
Howard said that those days are back and young people don't get that it's still dangerous to have unprotected sex. Gary said kids think that AIDS has been cured but it hasn't. George said that people were getting sick in the 1980s and they would become skeletons.
George said the thing about the human condition is that with time and age lust starts to get cooler. Howard said you get wiser too. Howard said you don't need that kind of craziness in your life.
Howard said he can only imagine what was going on back then. He asked if people recognized him when he'd go out and get guys. George said he would see recognition and he'd lose that lust pretty quickly. Howard asked if he disguised himself. George said he did. He said his name was Greg Tamaki so his initials were still GT. George said that a lot of bath house registers have that Greg Tamaki name in them.
Howard asked George why it was Tamaki. George said that was a common Japanese name. He didn't know anyone by that name though. George said the bath houses were very discrete so they wouldn't point him out if they did recognize him.
Howard said he will be out walking around and he'll think that no one knows who he is. He said someone will walk up to him 2 seconds later and say something to him. He said he tenses up when that happens. Gary said he lets his guard down when he thinks no one recognizes him.
George said that they had some great talent on that show last night. He said the stand-up comic was great. Howard said that show moves so quickly and they edit it great. He said that the show moves so fast. He said it's quite spectacular the way they edit the show. Howard said he has to hand it to the guys who put that show together.
George said the ventriloquist guy was great too. Howard said he had so much material and it was cool to see the character on there.
Howard said some people wondered why he said no to that pop dancer. Howard said he had seen so much talent by then that he was able to compare him to other people they had on the show. He said he was going to be way more selective. Howard said he was talented but not talented enough for the show. Howard said he didn't think he was in the league of the other people he had seen. Howard said they will see as they go along that he really is America's judge. Howard said he's a fabulous judge. George said that was the only one he disagreed with Howard on.
Gary said he understands when people get to Vegas some of the good people choke. Howard said some come through more and some choke. He said it's really something to see. He said the audition process is good. He said the people's stories get deeper and some of them cave in. Howard said some do fail.
Howard said he will call people out on it if they are being lazy. He said that he tells them that they can only blame themselves.
George said that the stand-up comic, Tom Cotter, was really good. Howard said that show was built for a guy like that. Gary said the guy was saying that he had been in the business for 23 years and he's been flying under the radar. Howard said he's going to help him figure out why that is. He said they'll do that along the way. Howard said there are a lot of really talented people this season.
George asked what he thought about the ventriloquist. Howard said he loved it. He thought it was an awesome act.
Howard said he was watching the replay of the night before. He said he hoped that people knew the new show was coming up at 9. Howard said he was on the phone with Ralph and Ralph thought that people would know. Howard said he wanted to call his mom and see if she knew. Howard said he called his mom and asked what they were doing. He said they were watching America's Got Talent. Howard said she said it was the same show that was on the night before. Howard asked if she knew that there was a new show on at 9. He said she told him she did know that. He did his impression of her telling him that's what they would be watching. Howard said if they can figure it out then other people must know. Howard said they can't even figure out an answering machine. Howard said they're not that sophisticated about TV.
George asked if they got the numbers for Monday night. Howard said they got the numbers and they were happy with the ratings they got. Jon Hein came in and said that they got great numbers for the 18-49 demographic. He said that NBC hasn't had those kind of numbers in a long time. Howard said AGT has never been on during May sweeps. Jon said that the ad buys are now and the 18-49 demo is what they buy. AGT is number one in that demo. Howard said everyone was thrilled with that.
Howard said he has realized that he doesn't know the world of network TV. He said he thought it was a summer show but they moved it into sweeps because they saw how good it was. Jon said they usually start it up after Memorial Day.
Howard said he's getting a lot of feedback about being on the show and they're not from the regular fans. Howard said he thinks the show is so much more fun than just singing and dancing. Howard said they haven't had a lot of singers on the show. Howard said it's impressive that they're not concentrating on the singers.
Howard took a call from his dad. It was the guys in the back playing audio clips of him saying that he can't hear Howard and repeating himself. Howard asked some questions and yelled them to him. The guys had Ben saying ''Say that again'' and things like that.
Howard had George ask him a question. George asked how he enjoyed the show last night. George may not have known that it was audio clips of Ben. Howard told George to keep asking questions. George kept asking questions and the guys kept playing Ben asking him to repeat himself. George said it didn't sound like his father. Howard asked George if he knew that was a tape. George said he was quite aware of that. He said he can tell from the way he was carrying on from the beginning.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn and she pointed out that Robin isn't there. Howard said she's having her procedure done today. Mariann said she lit candles for her today. She said she hopes that things turn out correctly for her. Howard said doing the show without Robin is like having his arm cut off. Howard said he and Robin have been doing the show for over 35 years. He said that's a long time. Howard said Robin is an amazing woman. He said he doesn't often talk about her enough. He said he doesn't want to get serious and sappy but she's been one of the most spectacular influences on his life. Howard said real fans know how they met and all of that. Howard said it's a crazy story.
Howard said he was working in Detroit and the show wasn't doing well to say the least. Howard said he was 28 or 29 and he was staring to accelerate. Howard said he couldn't believe that he was even hired in Detroit. It was the 8th largest market in the country. Howard said the show did not do well. He said he could blame a lot of things. Howard said he blamed himself for that.
Howard said when he took a job in Washington he asked for someone to work with that he could play off. He said he needed someone to vibe with. Howard said it was a long process getting Fred in there and all of that. Howard said he had to build a family on the air. Howard said he knew they could be bigger in radio if he had that family. Howard said you can't think small, you have to think big. Howard said the radio guys were thinking small back then.
Howard said in Washington they had a program director by the name of Denise Oliver. She told him about this news woman in Baltimore who was terrific. Howard said he wanted to meet her but Denise said there was no time so they just put them on the phone together. Howard said he knew nothing about her but they spoke and they were asking each other questions and they made a connection. Howard said it was instantaneous. Howard said he could do anything with this woman. Howard said he knew it could work. He said it was a 10-15 minute conversation that Denise was listening in on.
Howard said Denise was right that there was chemistry there. Howard said he was banking his future on this. He said he had to have the right components on the show. Howard said he knew that was the right woman he wanted to spend his career with. Howard said he was in love with her from that first conversation. Mariann said that things happen for a reason.
Howard said he knew he was going to work with Robin then. He said his career was everything to him and he had to prove that radio could be a big medium. He wanted to show that they could be the stars and radio could be as big as TV. Howard said he thinks finding Robin on the phone that day was like a needle in a haystack. Howard said he thinks he'd have better odds with a needle in a haystack.
Mariann said that rock stars come and go and Howard has kept on going. She said that we're all part of that extended family. Mariann said that no one on the planet can do what Howard has done.
Howard said he and Robin started working together in Washington. He said that things were very rough early on. Howard said they were trying to get them fired and they were jealous of what they were doing. Howard said they got hired at NBC and they lied to him about bringing Robin there. Howard said the entire time he and Robin were going through this mill he knew Robin had his back. Howard said there are some you think have your back but Robin really did have his back. Howard said she would tell him that they could do things that he didn't think they could do.
Howard said Robin would tell him that they didn't need anyone but her, him and Fred. Howard said she was his backbone. He said she's always the brave one with him. Howard said he could go to her and rely on her.
Mariann said that it's rare to find someone like that. She said that they just want her to be well. She said she's so excited about America's Got Talent but now Robin is sick so it's been a tough couple of weeks.
Howard said he's trying to finish here. He asked Mariann to calm down. Howard said radio is like war. He said he was at war with everyone. He said the bosses never got the show. He said even the ones who said they did get it really didn't get it. Howard said the audience got it most of the time. He said even they would turn their backs on him.
Howard said he knew that Robin would back him up. He said she always told him that they could do it. He said it was phenomenal. He said she would give him the strength to keep doing what they were doing.
Howard said Robin was a captain in the air force. He said that there's no better person to be in a war with. He said she would never go off to be on another show. He said they wanted her to go on the Greaseman show. Howard said Robin thought he had betrayed her but it turns out it was NBC that betrayed him. He said she wasn't even talking to him at the time but she turned down that job. Howard said he went to her and told her to take the money. He said she didn't give a fuck about money. She wanted to work with him or she'd go back to Baltimore and get a news job there.
Howard said he eventually got NBC to cave in. He said she took a huge chance not taking that other job. He said it was like a $500,000 contract that she turned down. Howard said it was unbelievable. Howard said Robin would turn to him and say that she believed in what they were doing. Howard said having a friend like that in business is amazing. Howard said she believed in what they were doing. Howard said he never had to tell her how to act on radio. She just did it right.
Howard finally let Mariann go after she tried to make an analogy about Robin and Howard. Howard said that he's not sure how any man can live with that voice.
Howard said he knew Robin was going in for her procedure today and asked if she wanted to talk about it yesterday. She just wanted to do a regular show. Howard said she's going to have a procedure done today and he's sure they'll have her back soon. Howard said when he sees that chair empty he doesn't like doing the show. He said if he had his druthers he wouldn't be there today. George said she really is very special. Howard said she is to him.
Howard said Robin has her detractors but so does he. Howard said Robin is the person he needs to work with. He said she is perfect on the radio. Howard said she always had the right delivery too. Howard said his father thinks Robin is terrific too. Howard said you don't get that much from his father. He said his dad was right and Robin is terrific. Howard said he doesn't like that she's not there today but they'll have her back soon. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that was the great Duane Allman in that song. He and Fred talked about that for a minute.
Howard said he has David Hasselhoff on the phone. He said he's formerly a judge on America's Got Talent. David said he's formerly from everything. Howard asked what he's up to. David said he's getting ready to go drive in the Gumball rally.
David asked why he keeps taking his place on TV shows. He said he did Baywatch and then Howard did Son of the Beach. Now he's taking his spot on America's Got Talent. Howard said he's actually taking Piers Morgan's spot.
Howard asked David if he walked away from that show or was he fired. David said that it was a contract negotiation thing. He said it was 4 years of arguing with Piers and it wasn't easy. He said Howard will see how hard the work is. Howard said he doesn't have to work out a script or anything and it was pretty high profile. He said he does see the huge time commitment it is though.
David said the show is fun if you take your wife or girlfriend but after 4 years it wasn't fun anymore. He said he had Howard would have had a blast but with Piers it was just too much. He said he couldn't take it any more. Howard said David's persona is Mr. Nice Guy and the thing with Piers seemed pretty real. David said Piers was writing stuff behind his back and putting in the papers and denying it. He said he threatened to kill him on the air and they finally became good friends.
Howard asked why he threatened to kill Piers. He said he gets that they battle a lot because you tend to defend people you like. David said that the production company will tell you to put people through at times.
Howard said he saw that David wanted to butt heads with Piers. David said he changed that to ''we were butting heads.'' He said that Piers didn't like that he threatened him. David said that they had agreed that year that they weren't going to call each other out and get nasty on the show. He said Piers went for the jugular and said he was going to put people through to get at David Hasselhoff. He said Piers called him out so he called Piers out. After that they became close and got friendly.
Howard asked how he gets close to a guy who betrays him and prints stories about him. David said you have to sit next to them through 80 acts. Howard asked if he would hold it against him to this day. David said they had it out on Piers' show and Piers apologized. Howard said he could never forgive that. David said Howard did that to him and he called him off the air and Howard apologized to him for it off the air. Howard said he doesn't recall that. Gary said he thinks he made that whole thing up. David said he did do that. He said that Howard wanted him to be on Son of the Beach or something and he talked to him about it and then Howard got on the air and said something that he said in confidence.
David asked when the show starts. Howard said it's started already and he has to be watching. David said he doesn't watch the show. Howard said he happens to love the show. David said he loves the show too. He was on Britain's Got Talent and he did a year of that. He said he only signed on to do one year.
Howard said he heard a story about David at AGT. He said he heard the producers got mad at him because he went out and got spray tanned during a break and the producers freaked out. He said that his spray tan caused a bunch of commotion. David said that is not true. He said that's something that Piers Morgan ran with that story. He said he didn't come back orange. He said he did get the spray tan at lunch but no one said anything about it. Piers was the one who ran with the story and made a big deal out of it.
David said he and Piers are good friends now. He said he does things over in London and he hangs out with Piers' kids over there. He said he's been a real stand up guy with him. David said he was always very kind to his kids so that's how he judges someone.
David's dog was barking so Howard asked if he has a lot of pets. David said he has 7 dogs and a pig. Howard asked if he's worth more than $10 million. David said it's more. Howard asked if he owns Baywatch. David said he owns part of that. He said they brought the show back because of the success of the song he did. He tried to bring Knight Rider back but NBC took that away from him. Howard asked if he's trying to bring out a movie based on Baywatch. David said that the people at Imagine own Baywatch the movie. He said he has no idea where they're going with it. He said he is in the middle of a Knight Rider thing with the Weinsteins. He said he lost the rights to the show though. He said he's in a new Piranha movie that's coming out on the 29th. David said that it's Piranha 3DD.
Howard asked if he needs one serious part to prove that he's a serious actor. David said he's had those parts. He said that he was Nick Fury. He said he's not sure why that didn't keep going. David said when you're a TV star you remain a TV star. He said that Knight Rider will come back. David said the Piranha movie is great and he thinks that his audience will love it.
Howard asked if David is nude hanging aroudn. David said he's actually packing to fly to New York right now. He said that he has to fly out in about an hour.
Howard asked David about his wife. David said his first wife married a guy named Michael Knight which was very weird to him. He said now she drives around in a Knight Rider car.
David told Howard about how he got custody of his kids. Howard asked how that happened and how that tape of him being drunk on the floor with a hamburger got in the hands of the public. David said it wasn't his daughter who released it. Howard asked if it was Piers Morgan. David said that he should ask a few more questions. David said that it could have been someone who had access to his daughter's computer. Gary said it must be the ex-wife. David said he can't say that but it could have happened that way. David said that he had to put everything he could into showing that he was a cool guy and that his wife was playing the kids. He said within 6 weeks he had full custody of his kids. David said that he asked the judge where he saw the video and he told him it was on E.T. David asked if he was really going to judge him based on a TV video tape.
Howard asked David when he found out that tape was on Youtube. David said he was doing America's Got Talent and they were between shows. He said his attorneys and agent walked in and told him what they had seen. David said there was no tape and he doesn't do that. He said they insisted there was a tape. David said they told him that there was a tape of him drunk eating a hamburger. He said they told him it wasn't funny, it was bad. They told him it was going to be out the next day. David said he got calm and saw the writing on the wall. He said he knew he had to get his shit together and stop feeling sorry for himself. Howard asked if he was embarrassed to go out after that. David said he just asked if anyone knew where he could get a good cheeseburger.
David said the first call he got was from Simon Cowell and he said everyone makes mistakes. He said that he defended him and so did Ozzy Osbourne. David said he just looks at life like ''shit happens.'' Howard said he'd be in a panic if that was going on in his life. Howard said it's embarrassing to see that kind of thing. Howard said people think he's crazy anyway so that's the kind of thing people would love to see.
David said he lost his job on The Producers because of that tape and it was devastating to him. He said he was having a great time doing that play.
David told Howard that the judge in the custody battle was great. David said that he's clean and sober now. He said he was clean and sober when that tape was made. That was just a one off thing. Howard asked David about being hospitalized a bunch of times for alcohol poisoning. David said it can be tough when you're an alcoholic. He said that life is fantastic now. He said he has a girlfriend from Wales and she looks like Farrah Fawcett. He said he's going to drive to Indianapolis this week and he's having fun.
Howard asked David about the girlfriend and if he's having sex all the time. David said he has it as often as he can. He said he met her on Britain's Got Talent. Howard asked if he had someone bring her to him. David said that he walked right up to her in the audience and said ''you're the one.'' He said she wouldn't go out with him for 6 weeks because she thought he was too old for her. He said he's 59 and she's 32. Howard asked if he has a strong erection or does he use Viagra. David said he's the Hoff and he's like morning wood.
Howard said he heard that he's proposed to her and she's turned him down. David said that's not true. Howard asked if he gives her everything sexually. David said they don't do anal. Howard told him to hit his erection against the phone right now. David said okay, whacked the phone and yelled in pain.
Howard said he heard that they had the chance to hire Leonardo DiCaprio on Baywatch and they turned him down. David's bird was making noise so he told it to be quiet.
Howard asked if the Leonardo DiCaprio story was right. David said that it was. He said that it's best that they didn't hire him because he did just fine without that. He said he would have played his son on the show if they had hired him. He said they went with Jeremy Jackson instead. Howard said that kid ended up on Celebrity Rehab.
David said that he has no regrets. He said he did embarrass his daughter with that drunk tape. He said that was the sad part about the whole thing. Howard said he was a legend in the drinking community. He said he read he was clocked at a .39 blood alcohol level. David said he has broken some records. Howard said he read that David ran out of rehab in sweat pants to get a drink. David said he may have done that.
Howard asked if David tried to commit suicide once. David said his life is too good and he's never done that. He said he was at a hotel and he was shaving and ended up breaking a lamp that sliced tendons in his wrist and arm. He said he got stitched up and then his ex-wife went out and said he tried to kill himself. He said he wouldn't do that. He said he has so much to live for. He said he has to go and do the Gumball rally tomorrow. He said they're shutting down Times Square tomorrow to do that.
Howard asked David if his dad still calls him Michael Knight. David said that he has done that by mistake. Howard said that's not funny. David said it's fantastic. He said his dad used to carry cards aroudn that said ''Knight Rider's Dad.''
Howard asked if he ever fucked Pam Anderson. David said he did not. He said that there were too many other people around. Howard asked if he would like to. David said no. He said he's afraid. David said he's just afraid. He said she's gorgeous and lovely but he's afraid. He said there have been other wankers in there before. He said he's happily engaged to a hot Welsh girl and he doesn't need to have sex with Pam.
Howard asked David who he's going to vote for. David said that he'd probably go for Obama again. He said Romney reminds him too much of the Bush administration and he didn't like that.
Howard gave David a plug for his movie Piranha 3DD. He asked what he's up to next. David said he's doing the Gumball rally and then he's going to the premiere of the movie and doing a bunch of other things like going on a safari and going on an underwater thing. Then he's going to try and bring Knight Rider back as a movie. He's got a lot going on.
Howard asked David if the Welsh chick is there. David said she's meeting him in New York. He said she's in Wales right now. Howard said he'd love to talk to her. David said he'd bring her on the show. Howard said he has to ask her about the anal thing because she must not love him if she won't give him that. David said they have a lot of fun together. Howard asked if he's ever had a gay experience. David said he has not. He asked Howard if he has. Howard said a guy did ask him to put his hand on his dick once when he was little but he knew it was wrong and took it off.
Howard gave David some more plugs and talked about Piranha 3DD. David said this is the worst movie ever made. He said it's a goofy movie with topless women and things like that. Howard said it sounds like something he'd like.
Howard and David talked about the John Travolta controversy that's going on right now. They talked more about the Piranha movie and David said that he gets to see himself in 3-D so that's kind of fun. He said he shot for a week on that movie. He said there are some penises that get bitten off in the movie. He said there are some young stars in the movie whose names he doesn't know. He said they have Christopher Lloyd and Gary Busy in the movie too. He said it's a lot of fun. Howard told David to come see him sometime. David said he will come to an AGT show and say hi there. Howard thanked him for calling in and let him go. He said the movie sounds like fun for the whole family... if you're the Manson family. David got a laugh out of that.
Howard said he thinks that David has hit the wall. He is 59 years old. George said he was shocked at Gregg Allman and how aged he is. Howard said he put his body through the mill. George said it sounds like David has too. Howard said you have to hand it to David because he walks aroudn like nothing is happening after that video came out. Howard said he has to learn something from him. He said he worries too much about that stuff. George said that's what's great about Howard. He said David is just oblivious to everything.
Howard said David has this career and family life that makes it seem like he's squeaky clean. Howard said it turns out he just doesn't give a shit. Howard said the guy is worth tons of money and he seems to be having a great time.
Howard asked George if he's ever turned down a movie role. George said even he has turned down roles. He said even he appeared on Son of the Beach. He played the Grandpa in the show. He said he was happy to land that role. He said he was still in his 50s back then. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and asked who was singing the song. Fred told him it's Maroon 5. Howard said Adam Levine is a good guy.
Howard had George do an announce for them. George read one that was about how he'll be strolling parts of Central Park tonight for any rapists who are interested.
Howard said they were goofing on George yesterday about the Guacamole pronunciation thing. He said he says it with a silent G. Howard said that generated a lot of email. Howard read some of that mail and said that a lot of people love him. George said he saw Lisa Lampanelli last night and she greeted him with ''Uacamole.'' Howard read some of the e-mail and some people were saying that the G should be a soft G. The writer said to tell ''Eorge'' hello.
Howard played a clip of Sal going out and asking some people on the street how to say Guacamole. Many of the Spanish speaking people were saying it the way George was saying it. Howard said they asked Spanish people to say Aqua too. They were doing it like George suggested. Howard said maybe George knows what he's talking about. George said he did grow up in a Spanish speaking neighborhood so that's what he heard.
Howard played a prank call the guys made to a market using clips of George saying ''Uacamole.'' The guy said he had never heard of that and eventually hung up on him. They called back and had him say ''A'ua'' and more ''Uacamole'' and some ''Tickle my tits.''
Howard said Ronnie read that Winter poem to Chuck Zito and Chuck almost broke down. He said that it really moved him. Ronnie said this one will really move George. Ronnie said the poem is called ''Guest Announcer'' and it was about George. Ronnie read the poem and George really liked it. He wanted a copy to give to Brad. Here's the poem:
''Guest Announcer'' by Ronnie Mund
He arrives at the station at the break of day
Green tea, oatmeal, fruit before he starts to play
He has no problem telling the world he is gay
He will play with a guest's cock even though Brad may scold him night and day
That is the reason we will always love George Takei
Howard asked Ronnie if he's fighting with Lisa G. Ronnie said he's not. Howard said that he heard her on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Lisa came in a short time later. Howard said she's looking good today. Lisa had some lip gloss on that he liked. She said she got it at Duane Reade.
Howard asked Lisa if she said she wanted to combine her Sweet and Greet with Ronnie's block party. Ronnie said she's trying to start a fight with him. He said she just started this thing a week ago. Ronnie said they started this thing weeks ago and Lisa's came after. Gary said he heard that they changed it to an Eat and Greet after Lisa came out with her Sweet and Greet. Ronnie said they didn't change it after Lisa's came out. Ronnie said that's Shuli's thing.
Howard said he heard Lisa on the Wrap Up Show the other day and he thinks this is a desperate grab. He said this just seems weird. Howard said she heard what Ronnie is doing and she's just going to meet with women and have cupcakes for $100. Ronnie said that their show is like $30. Lisa said this is only with 22 people and she wanted to do something to see how it goes. Howard let out a sigh.
Howard said this whole thing seems out of character for Lisa. Howard played some audio from the Wrap Up Show where Lisa talked about what her vision is for this Sweet and Greet. Howard said it seems like something she should do for free.
Howard asked George what he thinks. Lisa said that it's expensive to do it in the city. She said that she has to charge to pay for it. Lisa said people tell her that she doesn't stop when she's out and about so she's doing this to say hi to some fans.
Howard said he heard that Lisa does things in her spare time but she claims she doesn't have time to meditate or stop and say hi to fans. Gary said she talked about going to a customer appreciation night at her local coffee shop. Howard said she has time to do that but not Transcendental Meditation. Lisa said she has time to do things. She said she likes doing that customer appreciation thing.
Ronnie said she went out on a date with Wayne Segal and the date lasted 45 minutes. Howard asked what they do at the coffee shop. Lisa said she gets to have coffee and you get to meet the employees there. Lisa said she was there for an hour. Howard sounded shocked. He said those are her friends. He said that's sad. Lisa asked why it's sad. Howard said he's not sure but it feels sad to him.
George said he would go out for runs and they'd all buy their own coffee and pastry and they'd have a wonderful time. Howard said that has nothing to do with Lisa. Lisa said it's a city kind of thing to do. Howard asked if anyone else feels it's sad that she's charging $100 to meet with her. George said it does seem odd.
Howard asked Benjy what he thinks about this since she's so critical of him. Benjy said if she wants to do something and people think it's worth it then go for it. He said $100 seems like a lot to spend for it but people might want to do it. He said that Lisa accused him of using the show for selling a t-shirt and that's what this seems to be. Lisa said that Benjy was using the show to get his girlfriend a career. That's what she was saying.
Howard said he wishes that they would all stop selling things. Lisa said that Howard agreed with heron the t-shirt thing. Howard said he's never even seen this shirt.
Gary came in and said that the coffee shop thing seems like a lonely hearts club. He said it's kind of sad. Lisa said he's such a snob. She said that they work very hard there at the shop. Howard said Lisa claims to be busy but then she hangs out at a coffee shop for an hour.
Gary said that Lisa wouldn't have time for this if she had a social life. Lisa kept arguing and Ronnie said she's tearing up. She said she is not. Howard said he just felt sad for her. Lisa said she's not sad. She said she would tell him if she was.
Howard said he feels bad for her going to the local appreciation thing. He said he feels like hugging her like she's a young AGT contestant.
Gary asked Howard why his friend Pat doesn't go to one of these things. Howard said he has a family to deal with. He said he's a busy guy. The guys told Lisa that she should be dating instead of going to something like that. Lisa told them to set her up on a date then. Howard said they did and she didn't like the guy. Lisa said he wasn't a good match for her.
Howard said Lisa has no problem in the looks department. He said she looks hot. Lisa thanked him for that. Gary said he thinks that Lisa wants this super exciting guy who is dynamic but she really doesn't because she's a home body. Howard said she needs someone like Ralph.
Lisa said she loves working there and she's laughing for most of the day. Lisa said she'll go out on a date and won't be laughing and she misses the laughing. Howard asked if she can think of anyone that she'd like to date. Gary said she's looking at him right now.
Howard said Gregg Karmel is a good looking guy. Ronnie said she lost Benjy. He said there was a hole thing with him. Lisa said she looks at him like a brother. Howard said he doesn't think that she wanted Benjy. Lisa said that Benjy has sex with a t-shirt on, that's sad. Benjy said his girlfriend wants him to be naked but he doesn't want to be naked. Gary said he was wondering when Lisa had sex with a t-shirt on or off.
Howard asked who they could set Lisa up with. He said he got so upset with Beth last night when she woke him up. He said that he had to take an Ambien to get to sleep. He said he's still thrown off from that.
Howard asked if Lisa would go out with Jon Leiberman. Lisa said he's a co-worker and she'd never date him. Howard asked if she would go out with Dan the Song Parody Man. She said she almost killed him once. She said she mooched his way into the news room and was lying and stuff.
Howard asked Lisa if she'd go out with Lee Gerowitz. She said she works with him. Gary said they barely see each other. Howard asked if she'd go out with him. Lisa said that Lee has a girlfriend. Lisa said they're just plucking people out of thin air. Howard said he heard that Lee said ''no way'' to her.
Howard asked if she'd go out with Gange. Lisa said no to him too. Benjy said he could find someone on the street. He said he knows he could do that.
Howard played more audio of Lisa talking about her Sweet and Greet event. Howard said he's not sure why she's doing it. She said she's not going to make a lot of money from it. She said she might make a couple hundred. Lisa said she thinks it's nice she's doing something for the women who listen. Howard said it seems like she's doing it for herself.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Beth would go to something like this. Howard said Beth would rather pull her hair out. Ronnie said he doesn't get why she won't let men go to the event. The caller said he doesn't understand it either.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he guarantees that Lisa would go out with Howard if he asked her out. Howard said that's the impression up there. Lisa said that Howard is her type of guy but she can't go out with him because she works with him. Howard said people date at work all the time and they just have to set up parameters.
High Pitch Eric came in and said that he wanted to go out on a date with her but no sex would be involved. Howard said Lisa doesn't want him. Howard said his gums bleed. Howard said he could see blood there right now. Eric said they're so much better now. Ronnie said he stinks. Howard said the water drips off his hands too. He said that's from being obese. The caller said he could smell it over the phone.
Ronnie told Howard that he's a god to Lisa. He said she'll just stare at him in the monitor and gaze at him like she's in love. Howard asked if she likes him more now that he's on AGT. She said that she does. She said he was in her dream last night. She said that she had a dream that he got his hair blown out straight for AGT.
Lisa got to her news preview and said that they have a story about Sal getting veneers on his teeth. Howard said that's not going to be good. Gary said he heard that Sal is going to charge it on a card with an 18 percent finance rate.
Sal came in and said he had bonding done and it's chipping off so his teeth are looking yellow. Howard said he's nuts to get veneers. Sal said he's getting them done for about $12,000. He said Gary is wrong about the financing. He said he can pay it off monthly. Gary said Jon just said it's 22 percent. Howard said he has to be out of his mind. Gary said he just found out what Sal spent on his wife for Mother's Day. Sal said he spent $780 for shoes. Howard said he doesn't have the money. He asked what he's doing. Howard said he's going to leave radio at some point and he has to stop with this.
Howard said he's making a good living now but when he started out he never thought about spending that kind of money on shoes or on veneers. Sal said he's doing a couple of films. Howard said his acting career is going nowhere. Howard asked if he needs veneers. Lisa didn't think so. Sal said he's getting a good deal. Howard asked why he doesn't save $12,000 and then give it to the dentist.
Howard asked if Sal has saved more than $1,000 in savings. Sal said he has about $8,000 for his kid's education. He said he has invested some money in some other things. He has put some money into his IRA and things like that. He said that he has one credit card and he paid off the rest of them. Howard said High Pitch Eric is retarded and he must know if it's smart. Eric said he has no comment. He said it's up to him. Gary said he doesn't think that Eric was listening.
Gary said Leiberman told him that Sal is doing this teeth because of the two acting gigs he got. Those two gigs aren't going to pay for those teeth. Howard asked what his character's name is. Sal said in one of the gigs he plays ''Italian Ice'' who is a rapper who claims Vanilla Ice stole his act. Howard told Sal to get out of there. He said if he hears that he spent $12,000 on his teeth... Howard said he only makes bad decisions. Howard told him not to get his teeth done. He told him to put that money into the bank for his kid's education.
Howard asked George if he sees anything wrong with his teeth. George said he's a good looking guy and he should save that money. He said that 22 percent is confiscatory. Howard said George is right. Sal said he's getting a good deal on them though. Howard said it's not a good deal.
Howard said if he's playing a guy named Italian Ice he doesn't need to get his teeth done. Sal said he's putting some money away. Lisa said that college is so expensive. Howard said that's what he's trying to tell the guy.
Howard asked what he weighs now. Eric said he lost some weight. He said he's around 350-something. Howard said he's got to be more than that. He said Jason has lost a few pounds Jason said he's about 272. Howard had Eric get on the scale. He came in at 350 pounds. Howard said that's not good. Eric said it's better than 360 or 380.
George asked what Eric is doing to lose weight. Eric said he's depressed so he's not eating much. He said when he goes home he'll have a yogurt and an iced coffee. Howard said he's full of it. Howard said he has to be eating more. Eric said he has 3 slices of pizza for lunch. He said the yogurt is breakfast. Eric told Howard what else he eats and Howard said there's no way he's only eating what he just said. He said that he has to be eating more. He said that the pizza and burgers he's eating have no nutritional value. Eric swears he's not eating more than that.
Jason said that Eric will come up for Super Fan Roundtable and he'll eat slice after slice of pizza. He said he just keeps eating it.
Eric said that he gets depressed about his mom because she wouldn't see him before she passed. He said that his sister wouldn't let him see her. Eric said he doesn't know why she wouldn't let him see her. Will thought it was because he was stealing from the family or something. Eric said he didn't do anything wrong.
Gary said Eric had to stop doing the show for like 8 months when his sister got married. He said that he had to stay off the show for 6 months to go to the wedding.
Eric said that he has a lot of friends on Facebook and they're a great support system. He said they help him by talking to him on Stern Facebook Superfans.
Eric asked if he can help him lose weight. Howard said it's very hard to get through to him so he's not sure he could help. Howard said the truth about losing weight is that he doesn't need help. Howard asked what he imagines someone would help him with. Eric said he knows he shouldn't eat junk food. Howard said he'll help him out right now. Eat oatmeal with bananas for breakfast. Eric said he doesn't like bananas. Howard told him to eat strawberries. Howard said for lunch he should have broiled fish with a baked potato with no butter or sauce. Eric said he could try and do that. Eric said he needs a sponsor to help him lose weight. Howard said he's his sponsor.
Howard told Eric what to eat for dinner. He told him to have a handful of pasta with some other protein for dinner. Eric went over the menu and figured it all out. Howard said he just got his help. He said that he can have a bowl of fruit. He said he should have a few slices of pineapple or something. Howard said he can come back in a couple of months and he'll be thin.
Howard said he knows Eric just wants to nudge someone for free shit. That's why he's looking for a sponsor. Howard told Eric to eat a whole pizza before he goes to bed. Eric said he won't do that. It's not good for him. Howard said he thinks he gave Eric all the help he needs. George said he needs self discipline. Howard said he needs a shower and to brush his teeth.
Eric said he's still working at the Hard Rock Cafe at Yankee Stadium. He said he's been there for 3 years now. Howard asked if he wanted him to contact his mother right now. Eric said he would. Howard tried to contact her from the dead. Her name is Gloria. Howard went into his trance and contacted Gloria. Howard talked to Eric as Gloria and Eric said he loves her and misses her.
Gloria asked why his tooth is bleeding. Eric said it's not. Gloria said he could see it. Eric said he loves her very much. Howard came out of his trance and asked what happened. Eric said he spoke to her. Howard said he hopes he feels better now. Howard said he's drained now. He said he's glad he was able to do that for Eric.
Eric said that Mariann from Brooklyn is another good friend of his. Eric said that they all came out to see Howard. He said that they went to see him at the Today show and all of that. Howard said he saw them and he's a big fan.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how many veneers Sal is getting for that $12,000. Sal said he's getting 16 done. The caller said he's getting ripped off. He said he could get rebonding done and it would be cheaper. He said he's getting older and they could end up being crowns. He said in 5 years he'll have to get them redone and get crowns. Sal said that the veneers are free and it's the impressions that he's paying for. He said it's between 8-12,000. The caller said he would advise against doing it. Howard said Sal gets something in his head and he won't let it go. He's going to get what he wants to get.
Gary said that he's going to end up paying over $20,000 for those teeth if he has a 22 percent finance rate. Sal said that's not necessarily true. He said he could pay it off early. Sal said that you do have to reward yourself sometimes. Howard said you do not. Sal said he could drop dead tomorrow. He said getting his teeth done will make him feel better. The caller said that he would advise against it.
Howard said Eric's life is more organized than Sal's is right now. Sal was laughing at him. Howard asked if Sal wanted to talk to Eric's mom. He said he would so Howard went into his trance again and told Sal that her son is smarter than him. He said Eric doesn't have any credit card debt and Sal does. Howard told Sal to shave his head like her son.
Eric said he saw John Bolaris down in Philly when he was there. Howard had John on the phone. John used to be a weather guy in Philly and he got fired for doing an interview with Playboy. John said that Eric is a big fan and he wanted to show some love for him. John said that he didn't do that interview with Playboy. That guy just put in a bunch of stuff from other interviews. Eric said that John is going to be on 20/20 soon. John said it's on June 1st.
Howard said Eric has a strange fascination with weather guys. He will get their numbers and call them off the air. Howard said he harassed them. John said that Eric is a nice guy. He said he has no problem with him. Howard said he likes Eric too.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Eric has cleaned up his act. She said that he's also a big fan of Michelle Marsh. Mariann said that veneers screw up your teeth and he's going to have to get them done again in the future. Howard thanked her for the call and let her go.
Howard said he's glad he got to see Eric. He gave him a plug for an appearance he's making at Otts in Turnersville, NJ. He said they won't be charging anything. He said that he will be here free. Howard said you can follow him on Twitter @HPErik71. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked where George's plugs are at. George said he's doing Comic-Palooza in Houston this Friday. Next weekend he's in Nashville for a Star Trek convention. George said he could do one a week if he wanted to. Howard said it turns into a living and it's like an annuity. George said it really is. He said you could make a couple hundred grand a year. George said he's lucky enough to get other offers too.
George said that Howard has expanded his audience base. He said he got to do Heroes and Supah Ninjas. Howard said it must drive his price up since some of the Star Trek guys have passed on. George said there are a lot of other Star Trek spin-offs so there are still a lot of them around.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his wife has been transformed by him being on AGT. He asked if Rachel Butera is eligible to be on the Celebrity Impression contest. Gary said she is eligible. Howard said Rachel did impressions of wack packers but she can try for this one. Howard said you need material for this thing.
The caller said his wife didn't let him listen to Howard over the years. He got Sirius and has listened to him but he watched the last 3 AGT shows with his wife and now she sees that he's a nice guy.
Howard said that show gets a lot of press. He said one woman said she didn't like him because he made a boy cry. Howard said she just didn't get it. He said that the kid was overwhelmed. Howard said he wanted to reach through the TV and bang her head against the wall. He said she's an idiot.
The caller said Howard is doing really well with the show. Howard said that they all have a good chemistry. He said the three judges and Nick are great. He said that that's why the show is working. George said Howard has a brilliant personality. He said Howard is an entertainer indeed. Howard said their real run starts next week when they start running the Tampa shows. He said Bubba might be in that one. He said they had a lot of fun. He said Tampa and St. Louis had incredible talent. Howard said Austin did too. Howard said you'd think the talent would be in New York and Los Angeles but it was these other places.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard was great on the show last night. He said he was handling the acts really well and he can turn something bad into something fun. Howard said he wanted to contribute to the show and he loved the show before he was even on it. He said he wanted to do a good job replacing Piers. He said he thought Piers was great and he's happy to hear that people are loving the show.
George said he thought Howard was going to take his shirt off last night when he said women want a body like his. Howard said his body is actually a mess. He said he's tall so he can wear clothes pretty well. He said he has a bit of a belly. George said he wouldn't have expected that.
Howard said he went running yesterday and he was choking. He said the pollen must have been getting to him. He said he had to keep running though. Howard said he goes to the gym and he doesn't really enjoy it. He said he's thinking about it now and he's dreading going.
Howard asked if anyone wanted to talk to High Pitch Eric's mom. He said he still feels her in the room. George said he doesn't really know her so he's not sure about that. Howard said he has some amazing powers. He said he's really good.
Howard and Fred talked about The Wall and Dark Side of the Moon. Fred said he thinks that Dark Side of the Moon is better.
Gary told Howard he had his dad, Ben, on the phone. Howard put him on and Ben said that he was laying on the floor. He said he was doing exercises. Howard asked him what he thought of his experience on AGT last night. Howard said people thought he was great as a judge. Ben said it's very hard to judge yourself. He said that Howard's mother thought he was terrific. Ben said he thought he did okay but he didn't think he was that good. Howard said he was nervous for his dad and he did lecture the guy. Ben said that it is showbiz and that's what he was up there for.
Howard said they flashed the camera on Ben at one point and he was giving the cut their throat sign for something. Ben said that you don't even know what the audience is doing. Howard said Ben is the one who gave the cut sign. Ben said he doesn't remember doing that but he shouldn't have. Howard said he got into it. Ben said he may have gotten carried away.
Ben told Howard that the show was good and Howard is doing a good job. Howard asked if he thinks he's the best judge. Ben said he's putting him on the spot. Howard asked him to be honest and say who the best judge is. Ben said he was very proud of his son and he did a good job. He said he can't rate who is the best. He doesn't have that ability. Howard said he lived with him and he thinks he does have that ability.
Howard asked his dad if he has decided who he is going to vote for in the next election. Ben said the way he's reading the polls now it looks like they're neck and neck. He said the thing that disturbs him is when someone is elected the campaign is on to get them booted out. He said that the guy is the president of the United States and he deserves some respect. He said they end up tearing the guy down from the start.
Howard said they really should all work together. Howard asked if the system is broken. Ben said it's about the people. Howard said the tea party can't work with anyone. Ben said that's true. He said if they want to use that during the election he has no qualms with it. He said once that person is president they can't try to destroy the man because that destroys the country.
Ben said he likes Obama and he would like to see him in again. He said that it can take two terms to finish a program. He said he thinks you have to give it a chance to work. He said you have to try and support the man. He said that's his feeling on that.
Ben asked what else. Howard said he thinks they hit it all. He said he wanted to know how he felt after being on national TV. Ben said he thought he came off fairly good. He said the audience seemed to like it too. Howard asked if he knows what Twitter is. Ben knew what it was. Howard said people were telling him how much they liked him through Twitter last night. Ben said maybe he's got something going on. Howard asked where his mother is. Ben laughed and asked if he wanted him to get her. Howard told him to leave her be unless she wants to talk about last night's appearance.
George said that we hear now what shaped him. Howard said they shaped him real good. Howard said he's 4 days in the psychiatrist's office.
Howard's mom, Ray (not Rae!), got on the phone and said that she had to congratulate him. She said that it was a wonderful show. She said that Ben has the ability to make her laugh and he's the greatest. She said they've been married for 65 years. Howard said he forgot to call and wish them a happy anniversary. Ray said she always laughs with Ben and she enjoys him. Howard asked what the secret of a long marriage is. Ray said she's not sure. Howard said not fantasizing about other men is the secret. Ray said that might be part of it. She said she has the ability to enjoy another man but she's married to his father and she's true to him. Ray said she can admire another man like a man might admire another woman.
Ray told Howard that they would go on vacation and one time a group of women asked Ben to go to drink with them. She said that she was proud of him for that and she felt she had a strong marriage so she didn't worry about it. She said that Ben is a very social person and he wanted to enjoy a drink before dinner. Howard said he's Mr. Socialite. Howard said people do enjoy him. Ray said they really do. She said that she enjoys it when people enjoy him. Howard said he may have thousands of siblings out there somewhere. Ray said she doesn't think so.
Ray said she got the biggest kick out of seeing him do his dance last night. Howard said he's not sure where the stories are coming from about him and Howie feuding. He said they're getting along really well on the show. Howard asked Ray who she thinks is the best judge on the show. Ray said she loves all of the judges and said that they're a great combination. Ray said that Howie told her that her son is fabulous and he's brought another level to the show. Howard asked if she looks at Howie and thinks he's attractive. Ray said she didn't think of that. Howard said Howie gave her the fist bump and you'd think that he could break down for some people. Ray said she didn't want to break it down for him. She said she was fine with that.
Howard asked Ray if she had fantasies about George Clooney. Ray said he's not her style. Howard asked who she did find attractive. Howard asked if it was Liberace. She said she admires Howard's father. Howard said he knows that. Ray said she loved Jimmy Stewart. She said she didn't like Clark Gable. She said she didn't like Johnny Carson that way either. Howard said his mom hated Johnny Carson. She said she never said that. Howard said she did too. Ray said he's a big fabricator. Howard asked if she liked Johnny. Ray said she did not admire him. She said she felt that he was full of himself. She said she didn't think he was a kind hearted guy. Howard said that's what she would tell him when he was little. Ray said he didn't have to copy her. Howard said that's what the family felt. They didn't like Carson.
Ray told Howard she didn't like the guy who was getting hit in the genitals. Howard said he thought it was very funny. He said he knows that the guy gets hit there and it's funny to him. Howard said it's like the Three Stooges. Ray said that it's not funny to her. She said she didn't like The Three Stooges either. Howard said he thinks it's fabulous. Howard asked Fred if he found it funny. Fred said it was funny to him. He said it catches you by surprise.
Ray asked who that was talking. Howard said that's Fred. Ray said hello to him. George said he thought it was painful to watch. Howard said most guys like it and most women don't. Ray just said ''Ugh.''
Howard asked Ray that he had an F, Marry Kill with Johnny Carson, David Letterman and Merv Griffin. Ray said she won't kill anyone. Howard asked who she would sleep with. Ray said she can't answer that. She said she's a married woman. Howard asked if she ever masturbated to the image of another man. Ray said she did not. She said that she never did that. Howard said she's like a saint. Ray said of course she is. Ray said those things do not enter her mind.
Howard asked Ray if she ever masturbated. Ray said no. Howard said that's incredible. Howard said that shows she had a hang up. Howard said she must be hung up on something. Ray asked what she's hung up on. Howard said it's sex. Ray said that Howard is the one who is hung up on sex. Howard said she blows his mind. Howard said Beth tells him that she doesn't masturbate. She claims that he's enough for her. He said she did it when she was younger though. Ray said she never did. She said that never means never. Howard said he made up for all the times she didn't do it.
Howard asked if she knew when he did it based on what was in his underwear. Ray said ''Oh Howard, please.'' Howard said she's the best mom. He said she never touched herself. Howard said she should have explored herself. Howard said she's a good woman but in a sense it's kind of sad. Ray said she'll go see the psychiatrist then. Howard asked if she's orgasmic. Ray said she had Howard and that's what she achieved. Howard said he's proud of his mom. He said he's sorry he didn't get her on mic that day there on AGT. Ray said she was on the David Brenner show with him. She said that they've done some other shows too.
Howard asked if his mom thinks he should walk away from radio and be a judge on TV. Ray said she's happy if Howard is. Howard said his mom told him not to be in advertising when he had an advertising job. Howard said she knew that he wasn't happy. Ray said she saw that it wasn't good for him. Howard said she was right. Howard let her go and told her to have a good day.
Howard said he's going to go touch himself now. George said that he's touched with the best parents. He said that he can see Howard in her and how they shaped him. He said she's strongly opinionated.
Howard played a prank call the guys made to ''The Point'' show using clips of Ben Stern talking about an election. They used clips of Ben and then clips of Ray in another call.
Howard said he still has Matt on the phone to play the game but he has to take a break. Howard put him back on hold and took a call from Ralph. Ralph said he thought his mom was just fuckin' great. That's all he had to say. Howard said he has to do a break and then play the game. He did a live commercial and then went to break.
George said that they had an Everybody Loves Raymond episode where they talked about masturbation and it was very funny. Howard said he never watched that show.
Jon Hein came in and said he did masturbate but it was rarely. He said he has no desire to do it now. He said he's not sure when he quit doing it though. Jon said that George is looking at him incredulously. George laughed. Howard asked Jon if he masturbated in college. Jon said he didn't.
Howard said Richard told him a story about trying to give up masturbation for a year. He said he did it for a year but then he broke down and masturbated and came so hard he came on his own face. Howard asked Richard why he stopped masturbating. Richard said he felt it was making him lazy. He said he wanted to dedicate himself to drumming and he felt it was getting in the way. Richard said it wasn't even enjoyable. He said it was just a mess when he came.
Howard got to Matt on the phone. Howard said he has $1,000 to give away. Matt wanted to play for that instead of the tickets. Howard said they're going to play a Gary the Retard game. He asked if Matt knows how to play. This is the game where they ask Gary the Retard to give them a word that starts with a certain letter. Howard said he'd play an example. They asked Gary to give a word that starts with the letter P. Howard and Matt said they think that he won't do it. Fred said he thinks he will. Howard played Gary's answer and it was ''No.''
Howard said it's time to play. He said that Matt has one shot at $1,000. Howard said they gave him the letter V as in Victory. Howard asked if Gary will know a word that starts with the letter V. Matt said he only got 2 right last time so he's going to ask his celebrity lifeline what they think. Howard asked George what he thinks. Howard said Gary was born in February so maybe he knows Valentine's day. George said he thinks that he'd be daunted by the task. Howard said it's a tough game and Gary has surprised them. Matt said he's going to say he won't know a word. Howard played Gary's answer which was ''Beat.'' He got it wrong so Matt won $1,000.
Howard told Matt that he won and the sponsor was DontBeBroke.com. Matt thanked him for that. Howard said that was fun. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he was going to play a bunch of stuff here. Howard said he has a clip of a 9-1-1 operator who fell asleep at the wheel. Howard said he had worked for 17 hours but he fell asleep when he got a call. Howard played that clip and the operator tried to get them on the line but you could hear the guy breathing heavy.
Howard said that stuff happens. There was another guy on the line who was helping out. Howard got confused by the call because the woman said the guy snoring was the guy who was turning blue. JD said that it was actually the 9-1-1 operator who was sleeping. He said it was confusing. Howard said JD has a great way of explaining things.
Howard played a clip of a preacher who was going on a rant about gay marriage. He said he had a plan to get rid of the gays. He said that he wanted to build a huge fence 50-100 miles long and drop some food in there. He said they could do that with the queers and homosexuals. Howard wondered what the difference is there. The preacher says you have an electrified fence and keep them in there. Howard wondered if he wanted them to get electrocuted. George said this man doesn't make any sense. Howard said that's religion right there. He said it's like this guy has never met a gay person in his life. George said he gets the feeling that he's got something closeted gay going on in his life.
Benjy said he thinks the guy just said that the fence is to keep them in that area. He did want to feed them. The preacher was also saying that they can't reproduce that way. George said that's funny like they're going to be the ones making the gays of the future. George said he's glad he's exposing the hate and sterility of their argument. Howard said they should play it every day.
The preacher was saying he won't be voting for the homosexual lover and baby killer (Obama). The guy says that it makes him sick. Howard said you think that things are getting better but then this happens and you see it's not getting better. George said there are some churches that are open minded. George said that they're an embarrassment to religion. He said it's not a religion thing, it's hate. Howard wrapped up and thanked George for being there this week. George said he had a good time. Howard gave him his plugs and ended the show around 10:30am.
Jon said he wanted to start off talking about Howard and his parents. Lisa said they were as loving as they could be to him. Jon said they do have a great relationship.
Jon said he wanted to talk to Lisa about this Sweet and Greet she's doing. He asked if she knows why people are so upset with her. Lisa said that she hears Howard in her head and that's who counts to her. She said Howard thought she was above it. She said she wants to see how it goes and take it from there. Jon asked why Howard is depressed over it. Lisa said she gets what he was saying. She said he didn't suggest that she do something else. She said she's open for suggestions. Lisa said she would like to do something outside of the show. She said Jon is doing something else.
Jon said he felt that Howard was pointing out that the other guys are putting on a show with the block party. Lisa said she's not a comedian though. Lisa said girls like to talk so that's what they're going to do. Jon said that they also pointed out that her price point for the tickets is a bit high. Lisa said she doesn't have the same contacts as the other guys do with the block party. She said she called aroudn and found a place that would do it. She said she felt it was doable. She said that it is higher than the Block Party but it's only 22 people so it's an exclusive event.
Jon asked if Lisa is feuding with Ronnie or not. Lisa said she's really not. She said that they were goofing aroudn in the news room and that might be where that came from.
Jon Leiberman came in and said that they're very well aware of the Sweet and Greet. He said that he thought that Lisa was put off by the Eat and Greet when she found out about the name. Lisa said she was talking about combining forces for that but Ronnie didn't want to do that. Leiberman said that there was some push back when the guys brought up how they put on a show but Lisa isn't doing that.
Doug Goodstein was in and said that he thinks Lisa is coming across as crazy. He said that she's comparing apples and oranges. He said they have a whole structure of a show going on. He said they have a bunch of comedians on the show. He said Lisa is charging 3 times the amount for her thing. Lisa said it's not the same thing so they can't compare it. Lisa said she's doing it in New York city and it's expensive. Doug told her not to do it in New York City then. Lisa said that's where she lives and that's where she's doing it.
George Takei came in so Jon told him what they were discussing. He asked what George thought about it. George said that people pay dearly for an autograph and they want to get some face time. He said he doesn't think it's right that the promoters of the shows he does charge so much to meet them. He said that they charge $500 to meet William Shatner just to shake his hand. George said that's in addition to getting paid to show up to a convention.
George said he appears at those conventions to say thank you to the fans who have supported them. George said they do pay for autographs but the huge sum to meet with them is too much in his opinion.
George asked Lisa what this is going to cost her. Lisa said the room rental is $600 minimum. She said if this is going to become a gang bang on her then she's going to leave. Doug said she's opening herself up to it. He said they're just expressing their opinions. Jon said this was a big part of the show. He said they are wrapping up the show.
Jon asked Lisa about trying to set her up on a date. Jon said that she seems content with where her life is right now so maybe some people don't think she wants a date. Lisa said she would like to meet someone and it would be the icing on top of the cake. She won't date anyone at work though. George said they'd all like to see her having a richer life. He said that people who are married are enjoying that kind of contentment. Lisa said she looks at them and sees that they have a loving relationship. George said they do have fights too though. Lisa said that's all part of it.
Lisa said plucking someone's name out of thin air isn't right. She said you'd think they'd put some thought into it first. She said she doesn't expect people do that for her but if they do then it's nice.
George said that maybe she could do some charity work too. Lisa said she does work for them. She said that she works with Power of Pink that just split from the Susan G. Komen foundation. George said maybe she'll meet someone there. Lisa said she does enjoy donating her time there. She said it means a lot to her.
Doug asked if Lisa would do a cooking class or something like that if the sweet and greet doesn't work. Doug said the Sweet and Greet sounds empty to him.
Leiberman said that it appears she will sell out the 22 tickets from what he's seen. He said he's not sure what the purpose of the event is. Lisa said it's to make money and to get some exposure. She said that she doesn't think she should be put down upon because of what she's doing. Jon said she's not the only one doing it outside the show. He said Howard hasn't been a big fan of this kind of stuff. Doug said it seems like she's jealous of what the other guys are doing.
Lisa said that they did offer to have her on the block party playing the violin but she thinks she sucks so she won't do it for $500. Jon said she doesn't suck. Lisa said she wants more money to do it. Jon said he had to take a break after that.
Jon said the show was a bit askew tody without Robin. He said he felt that George helped hold it together. George said that the segment where Howard called his parents was delightful. He said that we learned how he became to be the way he is. George said his parents are very forthcoming. He said the whole idea of a son having that kind of discussion about masturbation was great. He said he would never have that conversation with his parents.
Jon asked George if he thinks that his mother looked at other men like Howard's mom said she did. George said that he thinks that she may have been similar in that way.
Jon asked if George looks at other men. George said he will see men walking by while they're outside eating and he'll admire a man. He said he doesn't tell Brad that he wants to fuck them or anything like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he would like to see this documentary that George was talking about. He said he thinks that Howard was a little rough on him. He said he knows he was busting his balls but he'd enjoy it very much. George said he thinks that Howard likes to have a little tension on the show. Jon asked if he thinks Howard was just doing that for the sake of the show or did he really not want to do it. George said he knows Howard doesn't do many things like this. He said he went to Don Buchwald who is his agent and Howard's. He said that he asked Don to talk to Howard about it and see if he would do it.
George told the guys about what it was like for him growing up and how his parents felt being accused of being the enemy. Gary asked George if he thinks that Howard really wants to do this or not. George said he told Don that he's been pivotal in expanding his identity. He said he used to be Sulu and Howard has helped him become George Takei with the history of the Internment thing. Gary said he gets that but he still hasn't answered the question. George wouldn't give an answer.
George eventually said he thinks Howard is doing it reluctantly. He said he thinks he's doing it because of their relationship and his relationship with Don.
Gary said that Howard has genuine affection for George. He said they really do miss him when he's not on. George said he's been very busy lately and that's why he hasn't been on. Gary said Howard helped make that possible and now they can't even get him on the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up George owning a bank. George said he sold that actually. That led to the guys talking about Sal's $12,000 veneers. Gary said Sal is very vain and he will walk 30 blocks to get some make up for his face. Gary said he doesn't think his teeth look that bad to begin with and he's not sure it's a necessary thing to do.
Gary said they pulled a practical joke on Sal when Howard was about to announce he re-signed and Sal ended up crying because he was broke. Gary said he's upset by the Mother's Day gift as this veneer thing. He said that you should only get what you can afford and that $720 pair of shoes is what his financial advisor told him not to do. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked Sal about the veneers and why he's going to do it after everyone told him not to. Sal said that he is worried about going broke but he's put money into his 401K and into a 529. He said he still has a credit card out too. Gary asked if that's manageable. Sal said it is.
Sal said that this veneer thing is $8-12,000 and he'll be able to pay off about 80 percent of it after he does these movies. Sal went off on Jon for eating Wendy's every day. Jon said he's not spending 12 grand on it though. Gary said that he's deflecting now. Jason said that Jon might not be aroudn for his kids if he keeps eating like that.
George told Sal that the dentist who called in said that the veneers will do damage to his teeth. He said they have to shave down the teeth. He'll have to get it done over and over again. Sal said he knows that. Gary said he knows what that's like. Leiberman said that this means a lot to Sal and it's psychological to him. Sal said he'll look into it and see what happens. Jason asked if he's blowing all of his savings on this. Sal said he is spending what he made at Brazzers on it. The guys had to end the show after that. They were done at 11:15am.
In the clip Howard was talking about how Gary came in screaming about Ralph after they had just spent time goofing on him. Howard said he had time to do it before and then came in after. Gary said Ralph has no respect for some people there. He said Ralph thinks he's a big star there. Ralph asked why he has such an attitude.
Gary and Ralph went back and forth arguing about their trip to Atlantic City. Gary said Ralph said that whenever he goes out it's lame. He said Ralph is passive aggressive and he has no respect for him. He said Ralph came into his office and got between him and someone else while he was having a conversation. He said he could have looked in his desk at any other time. Gary said he wasn't able to have a conversation.
Ralph said he came up there for something and he didn't want to forget it. Gary said he really has no respect for anyone up there. Ralph told Gary he wanted to get his work done and go home. Gary kept cutting him off and gave his side of the story.
Howard said he loves this. He said you can imagine what goes on at other places. Gary and Ralph kept going back and forth arguing about what goes on up there. Then Steve Grillo came in and went off on Ralph. He told Ralph he does a lot more than Ralph does around there. He said he comes to work even when he's tired and does his work.
Howard said Billy was complaining about Ralph too but he didn't want to do it on the air. Gary said he really gets bummed out about this. He said he's not supposed to be part of the office but he is. He said if he tells him not to do something then he'll feel like he's being picked on. Ralph said he doesn't get mad at him for that stuff. Gary said he's going to tell him from now on. Ralph said he lets things pile up.
Howard asked Billy if he wanted to tell his story about Ralph. Ralph was still going on about what went on with Gary and Grillo. Howard said it's enough already. He said this is his entertainment for the day.
Howard asked Billy again to tell his story. Billy said he didn't get mad. He was just freaked out. Billy said that Ralph popped him on the head after he got his hair transplants and he had to ask him to stop. He came to work a couple of days later and he squeezed his head again. Ralph said he doesn't think about that stuff. He said he forgot that he had the air thing going on up there. Billy said he warned him twice about it and he still did it.
Jackie said Ralph is just so wrong. He said he doesn't get that he shouldn't be touching people at all. Ralph said he thought Billy had hidden his sandwiches. He was just joking around. Billy said he likes Ralph too. Gary said he likes him too. Howard said it's hard to resist touching little bald guy's heads. He said you touch them because you think you can get away with it.
Howard said Ralph doesn't touch him like that. Ralph said he has. Howard said he's paid to touch him to do his hair. Ralph told Gary to tell him if he's doing something wrong.
Stuttering John said Dominic Barbara was on the phone to talk about how annoying Ralph is at the card games. Dominic told Howard that Ralph gets annoying at the card games. Howard said Ralph once pleasured himself in the bathtub in the hotel room. Ralph said no one else was going to use it. Howard said Ralph can be very inappropriate. He says things to Senator Al D'Amato that he shouldn't.
Howard said Dominic wants to be his girlfriend. He said he's jealous of Ralph. Howard said Dominic wants to go bicycle riding with him but he can't so he wanted to have him in a baby carriage and set it up as a sidecar. Howard said Dominic hates that Ralph gets to spend so much time with him. Ralph said Dominic used to like him but now that he spends so much time with him he hates him.
Gary said that Cathy Tobin is on the phone too. Howard picked up on her. Cathy said that Ralph takes up space in the office. She said she told him that he had to clean up his shit and put it in a cabinet. Howard had to hit the delay on her for using the S-word. She said Ralph doesn't do what he says he's going to do. Ralph said he needs some space there and he asked Gary about it. Cathy said that stuff has been out since March.
Gary said they're confined there and they don't have the whole floor. He said Ralph seems to think that he should have more space but they don't have more space.
Gary asked Howard if he can see that everyone is involved in this now. Howard said he can see it. Howard kept telling Ralph to be quiet. He told him to never touch Billy, ever. Cathy and Gary were still going off on him too.
John said he knows when the Ralph thing started with Gary. Gary said he knows what he's talking about. He said Ralph gets the schedule for who is coming up there and he asked him to call when a certain person was coming in. He said Ralph can come up there early and wait for them to show up. Howard said he could have told Ralph about that. He said he really has to get to the show.
Howard told Ralph to stay out of the office and just blow his hair out. He said he wants Ralph to talk to Cathy about the costuming and how to get that out of there. He said that the E! people can brain storm with him to get something set up. He told Ralph to try and act less like a homo. He kicked everyone out after that. Gary said he has some things he wants to talk about during the break. He was still going off on Ralph though.
John said he saw Ralph yelling at an intern about a speeding ticket. Ralph said he wasn't yelling. Howard said he doesn't care, he has a million things to get to. Howard told Ralph to shake everyone's hands. Jackie didn't want to shake hands. He asked if he could pat him on the head. They went to break after that.
Gary Garver Celebrity Interviews. 5/24/00. 7:20am
Howard played a couple of Gary Garver interview tapes that he had lying around. Gary went out and got some quick interviews with Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgewick, Michelle Kwan and a couple of members of the band 98 Degrees.
Gary asked Kevin and Kyra about the best place to pleasure yourself. Kevin said ''The kitchen table''. He then asked how long it was before Kevin introduced anal sex to Kyra. Kyra said they've never gone there. Howard said that was a mind blowing response.
Gary asked Michelle Quan if she's ever had a lesbian experience. She said no. He then asked her if penis size matters. She laughed and ran off.
Gary then got one of the guys from the boy-band 98 Degrees. He asked the guy if he thinks Elian should be with his father. The guy said what he thought then Gary asked him why there are so many Jews in the music business. That was the end of the interview for him. Gary then found another member of the band and asked him a couple of questions. He asked him if he thinks their group is a gay group. He doesn't think so. He then asked him if he would perform a homosexual act for a million bucks. He said no again. Then Gary asked him if he's ever been attracted to another man. He said ''Not really..'' and said he's pretty much straight.. pretty much. Gary also asked him if he urinates in the shower and whether or not he farts on stage. He said no to the urination question and yes to the fart question.
Howard's Floating Condom Problem. 05/24/04. 6:25am
After the break Howard mentioned that they have Velvet Revolver coming in to perform. He said they should have some fun with that. That led to him talking about how Slash from Guns N Roses is in the band with Scott Weiland from Stone Temple Pilots. He's read that the band is more into letting him do what he wants to do than the guys in STP were.
Howard was tired from his weekend so Robin thought he was partying all weekend or something. He said he just stayed up late to watch The Sopranos last night, that's why he's so tired.
Howard told the guys a story about how he had sex with Beth out in Las Vegas at one point and used a Durex condom. When he was done he threw it in the toilet like he always does. The next morning he saw that it was still in the toilet and it was full of water and it wouldn't go down no matter how many times he flushed it. He kept flushing it and it wouldn't go down. He decided to pee and try to change the position of it so it would go down. He didn't want to tell Beth about it and gross her out so he decided to handle it himself. Nothing worked though. He thought he might have to fish it out of the toilet but there was nothing there he could use. He decided to get a hanger to get it out. He got one from the closet and it took him like 10 minutes to fish it out. He eventually got it out and threw it in the garbage after wrapping it up in a plastic bag. Howard said he didn't know what to do with the hanger after using it to fish out the condom. He hung it back up and thought it was just wrong. It didn't fit in the trash can because it was so big. It wasn't a wire hanger either, it was a nice wood hanger.
In the clip Howard introduced Vinny Paz and his girlfriend. Howard said he heard that Vinny wanted to get on the show so bad he was going to let his girlfriend get naked for them. She is a stripper. Howard asked her to do that for them before they move on. The girlfriend, Lee, told Howard that her breasts are real. Vinny said he heard Robin had a breast reduction and asked if she's crazy.
Howard asked Vinny how he gets such good looking chicks. He said he's not a great looking guy. Vinny said he's a good looking guy. He said she met her in Miami. Howard said he's love sick. He said he thinks he needs to be alone with her. He asked if she's going to get naked or not. He said if she doesn't get naked then he's going to kick them out. Gary said he'd get the guy who made the deal to get them in there.
Howard asked the dude who set up the whole thing and asked if she's going to get naked or not. Lee said she's holding out for Penthouse. Howard asked if she's going to get naked or not. She said it was too early. Howard said goodbye to them. Howard said he's not going to take it. He said he just wants her naked.
Vinny asked if he was going to touch her. Howard said he doesn't want to touch anyone. Gary told him to end the interview and go to commercial. Vinny said that it was nice to meet him. Howard asked the guy who made the deal to not lie to them. Lee said that he told her she just had to take her top off. Howard said it's enough arguing and he has to take a stand. Lee took her top off but that was it. She didn't take everything off like they agreed to.
Howard and the guys kept arguing for a minute but Howard said it's enough already. He said they didn't stick to the agreement.
Lee said she would get topless but she wanted to know more about what she had to do. She wanted to negotiate. She said that she would take off the jacket and bra and keep the pants on. Howard said he doesn't trust her for a minute. Vinny said she's not wearing any underwear.
Fred asked what the original agreement was. Gary said it was for her to get topless. Howard said he wanted a full minute of her topless. Lee said she wants a cut from the pay-per-view. Howard told Vinny if he doesn't want this to happen then just walk out now.
Lee took her top off and Howard asked for a full minute. She did her thing and Howard said Vinny is a lucky man. Lee kept her top off while Howard and the guys stared at her. Howard said they looked like implants to him but she claims they weren't. Howard went to break after that.
After the edited out break Howard said that Vinny's name is Pazienza. He asked if he's Italian. Vinny said he is. Howard said he looks Puerto Rican. Howard said he had no idea he was a white guy. Vinny said he's sure he has some pissed off fans right now. Howard said he has quite a body too. Howard asked if he makes good money fighting because he's a white guy. Vinny said he fights like a brother.
Howard asked Vinny about his fights and how he lost his title. Vinny said he was in a car accident and broke his neck so it was a matter of time. Lee said it only took him 13 months to recuperate. Howard said he's not sure why he doesn't recognize his name. Robin said she knows his name. Howard said he's going to watch this fight. He asked if he's going to fight a black man. Vinny said he is. He said he's going to beat him too.
Howard spent a minute talking to Vinny about his career and how many wins he's had. Howard said he's going to follow his career now. He said he wants to follow Lee's career too. Howard asked if Vinny is well hung. Lee gave some indication that he is. Vinny said he heard Howard is hung like a squirrel. Howard said that's true.
Howard said he likes Vinny and his girlfriend. Next time he has to let him make love to her. Howard thanked Lee and Vinny for coming in and went to break a short time later.
In the clip Howard was talking to Stuttering John about this press conference he went to for Dennis Miller. Howard said no one is going to watch this show Dennis is working on. Howard said he knows for sure that no one will watch.
Howard read an article about the press conference where they talked about John interrupting with his inane questions. Howard said they're no more inane than this guy's questions. Howard said Dennis called John the Dixie Whatley of the Stern Show. Howard said the guys there don't even know who that is. Howard said she was the original host of Entertainment Tonight. Howard told John he should have asked some people if they know what he was referring to.
Howard asked if John was recognized there. John said everyone was disgusted by him but they didn't know who he was. Howard said he likes that he disgusts people. John said he had someone throw a drink on him on the subway. Howard said he doesn't dig that. John said he would have killed the guy if he could have gotten to him.
John told Howard that Dennis didn't know what to say at the press conference so he just asked if anyone had questions. He said they had an open bar at this thing. He said they had food too and it was filet mignon. John said they had white wine and fancy deserts and stuff.
Howard said their syndicated is asking them to do something like that too. Howard said that's where you go schmooze with the executives. Howard had to yell at John for interrupting with his dopey comments.
After an edited out break Howard came back and said if John hadn't been there the reporters wouldn't have had anything to write about. Howard played clips of John asking his questions. John asked why Dennis isn't speaking to Howard Stern. Dennis asked if he shot Madonna's thing and people cracked up. Howard said they'll laugh at anything Dennis says. Dennis told John that his hair do went out with Lynyrd Skynyrd. Howard asked if Dennis was trying to look cool there. John said he did have sunglasses on.
Dennis told John that he has no problem with Howard. John said Howard has been trying to get him on the show. Dennis said Howard is on too early in the morning. He said that their show is on against them too.
Howard went off on George Maxian who was pointing out that Howard's ratings for one week didn't beat SNL. Howard was making fun of George earlier when he was reading his write up of the press conference.
Howard played more of John's questions and he played the part where Dennis referred to John as Howard's Dixie Whatley. John said he was sitting next to Dennis Miller's wife the whole time. He said her face is a little old looking but she's got a great body.
Howard played more of the questions and Dennis asked if they were written in crayon. John asked who wrote ''I am outta here'' for SNL. Dennis said he thinks it was Voltaire. John asked Dennis about Nora Dunn and as he was asking the question he had trouble getting it out so he said ''How do you say, uh, Nora Dunn.'' Miller picked up on that and goofed on him about it.
John asked Dennis if he or Dana Carvey gets more money to do movies. Dennis said he thinks Dana does since he can't act himself. John kept asking questions as Dennis was answering. Howard said John is so used to getting blown off he doesn't know what to do.
Howard said Dennis didn't get frazzled so that's good. John said he felt the pressure from everyone around him. John got in a few more questions and then someone else threw out Howard's name. John said that this guy asked if Dennis agrees with people doing things for shock and how what Howard had done on Letterman was ''vile.'' Howard said he thought the guy said ''wild.'' Dennis was about to answer but John interrupted and said he had more questions. Howard asked why he didn't let him finish. John said he had to get them in as quick as he could. John said you get a surge of balls and he had to go with it at that time. Howard said that surge of balls line was pretty funny.
Howard played more of John's questions and John asked Dennis if he watches Howard's TV show. Dennis said he's on SNL at that time so he doesn't watch. John asked if Dennis was going to come on the show or not. Dennis said that he has his reasons for not coming on. He said he works late and Howard is on early. He said he just doesn't feel like being on the show. Dennis said he's sure Howard can fill the air time capably. He said he's not mad at Howard or anything. John said he thought he was in a feud with him or something. Dennis said he's not.
Howard played a little more of John's stuff. He asked Dennis a questions that wasn't on the list. Howard told him not to ask questions that aren't on the list. They wrapped up after that.
In the clip Howard was talking about how Gary made an appearance and he got to meet the guys from Hanna Barbera. He said Gary was there with his ''Baba Booey'' name on it and the publicist freaked out because of the name. Howard said they took Gary out and put him in another section because they didn't want him near Hanna Barbera. He said that they thought there might be a copyright issue with Baba Booey and Baba Louie. Gary said he did get to meet Hanna and Barbera. He said they didn't do anything wrong. Howard said they shouldn't have thrown Gary out.
Gary said that the people at FAO Schwarz set a table up next to the table for Hanna and Barbera. He said the woman from Hanna Barbera talked to them about that and then they took his table down and then eventually moved him into another section. He said he wasn't even at a table. He was just standing there. He said he stood there with pictures in his hand. Howard said Gary was all excited about it and that's what happened. Howard said they just wanted the plugs for the event.
Gary said someone from the store asked if he wanted to get his picture taken with Hanna Barbera. Gary said he'd better ask first. He said the guy brought him over and he never saw him again. Gary said if you don't know who he is then he might look kind of like a stalker.
Don Rickles Calls In. 05/24/10. 9:55am
Howard came back and Gary told him to pick up the phone because he had someone very annoyed with him on the phone. Howard picked up the phone and it was Don Rickles. Don said that he loves John Stamos but he wasn't going to snap just because he wasn't at that party last week. He said he's an old Jew trying to stay alive and he doesn't need to be at that party.
Howard told Mr. Rickles that he came out to L.A. and Jimmy Kimmel threw him a party. He said that Stamos got upset that Don wasn't invited. Don said that wasn't what happened. He said that John invited him to go along but he said he wasn't invited. Don said he told John to get over it. Don said that he didn't want to be made out as a cripple for not being at the party. He said he wasn't hurt by that.
Howard said it never would have occurred to him that he'd want to be there. don said that he would have said okay if he had been invited but he wouldn't have sat around and dribbled like Howard thought. Howard said he has a lot of respect for Don Rickles. He said that he used to study the guy when he'd make a movie.
Howard said that's like saying they should have invited President Obama to the party. He said that he knows now that Don would have come so he won't leave him alone now.
Don sad he's doing Jimmy's show in June so he's going to break his balls over this. He said he's doing Letterman tonight and the show will air on Wednesday night. Don said he doesn't live in the world that Howard thinks he lives in.
Howard asked Don if he still does his wife. Don asked if he circles the bed and gets an estimate or does he just jump right in. Howard said he jumps right in.
Howard told Don he's going to invite him to everything now and he's going to have to call the police because it'll be like he's stalking him. Don said he just called in to let him know that he wasn't as upset as John Stamos said. He said he had heard rumors about the party but he didn't know much about it. That's when John Stamos flipped out.
Howard said he thinks that the party would have been all about Don if he had showed up. Don said that he just wanted to let him know he wasn't a wreck over the whole thing. He said they are followers of Howard's and they figured he should know.
Howard asked Don about the great parties he used to go to. Don said he had great times back in the day. He said that he used to go to Johnny Carson's place back in the day. He said that Letterman has even taken him out to dinner. He said he took him out to a club one night. He said he's had dinner with Letterman and his writer. Howard sounded shocked by that. Howard said that's unusual because he doesn't even go to his own staff parties. Don said he was very flattered.
Howard asked who Don thinks is better, him or Letterman. Don said that's easy, Letterman. Don told Howard he remembers the first time meeting Howard and Robin and how he introduced himself. Robin said that they talked about that for a long time after.
Howard asked Don if he will talk to Letterman about the sex stuff that went on over there. don said he won't even bring that up. He said he has other material he can use. He said Howard has to talk about that stuff. Don told him he has to calm down with that once in a while. Don said that's not his style and he should come out and see his show sometime. Howard said that Don embarrasses a lot of people at his shows. Don said he's never mean spirited though. He said he's been doing this for 50 years now so he must be doing something right.
Don said that he and Dave know what they want to talk about but they don't plan out that much of what he's going to say. Howard asked if he ever plans out something that he doesn't tell them about. Don said that he reveals all before because he has nothing to hide.
Howard asked Don about working with Mike Douglas and Johnny Carson. Don said that Johnny was king. He said that he set up everything and he always made him look good. He said that letterman does that too. Howard asked about Jay and if he's a shit head. Don said he gets along with everyone. He said that he just avoids anyone he doesn't like.
Howard said what's interesting to him is how good Don is at making his performance look effortless. Howard asked if he ever thought he'd outlive Johnny Carson. Don said he doesn't think much about death but now that Howard brings it up he's looking at his watch and he might have another hour left to live. Don said that he's been married for 45 years now and it's been great. Howard said it must be weird seeing all of these younger guys dying off. Don said that everyone goes out. Howard said that Carson smoked so maybe that did him in. Don said that you don't have to smoke to have something wrong with you.
Howard asked Don about writing jokes. Don said he's never put anything on paper. He said that he will only put it on paper if he's doing a sitcom or something like that. Don said that he's always been told to just go out and do his thing. Howard said he's seen him do roasts and he kills. Don said that he never writes down a word. Howard asked if he sweats bullets doing that. Don said he does. He said that he gets the adrenaline going and that makes it happen for him. He said that's what's going to happen on Letterman tonight.
Howard said that Don is in the new Toy Story 3 movie that's coming out in June. He's also going to be at the Orleans in Las Vegas. He's still out there doing his thing and people love it. Howard said he loves Don too.
Don talked about doing the voice for the Mr. Potato Head in the movie for a minute. Howard asked Don if he's a super religious guy. Don said that he's not all that religious but he is a Jew and he does believe in god. Howard asked if he speaks Hebrew. Don said he's not an Israeli pilot. Howard asked if he believes that he'll get to see Johnny and Frank Sinatra up in heaven. Don said he put in a reservation but he's not sure if he'll get a table.
Howard told Don that he's very important to him and it's great to be able to talk to him. He said he's his hero and an amazing talent. He said he loves him. Don thanked him for that. He said his wife was the one who told him he should give him a call because he's so nice. Howard said he didn't think that Don would want anything to do with riff raff like him. He let don go a short time later.
Howard said that it didn't sound like he was pining to go to that party. Robin said that she thinks John brought up the party and he's in a situation where he made the faux paux. Howard said he and John were going over some stuff over the weekend and he was just teasing him about the whole thing. He had to move on because they were way behind.
In the clip Howard said he had a new Mark Harris song to play. He said Mark is bi-sexual and married to Martha Ray. Howard said he sent in a tape and he was all freaked out about what people were saying about him. He said some people accuse him of being a gigolo or a blood sucking leach. Howard said Dice may have referred to him like that. Howard said Bill Clinton gave Martha a medal for her service and Mark wrote a song about that. Howard said Mark claims he's putting the song out but he's not sure how or where.
Howard played the song and Mark sings to President Clinton thanking him on behalf of Martha Ray. Mark sang about how the medal thing came about. Howard interrupted in the middle of the song to rip a fart into the microphone. Robin said she'd give that an 8. Fred, Jackie and Billy also gave him an 8.
Howard played more of the song and laughed as the awful song played. Robin did her impression of Mark singing. Howard did his too. They had to go to break a short time later.
Cleaning Ass With Harry And Laura. 5/24/00. 7:35am
Howard had a couple of people on the phone this morning who have different ways of cleaning your ass. The first guy up was Harry Epstein. He has created a portable bidet that allows you to wash your ass with water from your sink. Harry told Howard how he discovered that dry toilet tissue just wasn't getting the job done so he invented this portable cleansing device. He described how you hook up this device to your sing with a special hose and faucet connection. It's easy to remove it after you're finished with it. Howard had Benjy in the bathroom ready to demonstrate the product. KC was also in there to help out. As it was happening everyone was laughing hysterically. It turns out that KC was actually using the device on Benjy. He was spraying the water all over Benjy's naked ass. He didn't adjust the water to the right temperature either so it kind of burned his ass. They said that Benjy's ass was all red after the cleaning. KC thought it was pretty disgusting but laughed his ass off the whole time. Benjy came in after the cleaning and said his ass felt very clean. You can get more info about the rectal cleaning device at HeppNet.com.
Next up was Laura Trascaro who has a product called Nature's Simple Solution. She told Howard that it's a solution of natural herbal oils that you dispense on your toilet tissue when you wipe. She said the natural oils aren't oily at all and that they have natural anti-fungal and anti-biotic properties. She said it helps get rid of bacteria back there. Howard also suggested that it might get rid of the stink also. Laura told Howard that one time she had 17 days of diarrhea and the solution helped the irritation and helped her butt heal. She wanted someone to try it out on the air but Benjy was busy mopping up the watery mess that was left behind in the bathroom. Harry and Laura both debated who's ass cleaning product was better but they didn't come to an agreement. Howard suggested that Harry's product should spray Laura's solution. You can get more info on her product at NaturesSimpleSolution.com
In the clip Howard was talking about TV shows when he realized he had to pass wind. Howard got up and farted into the microphone. Robin said that wasn't a very good one. She said it was poor. Howard said it wasn't one of his better ones. Jackie said he hasn't done many on the mic lately. Howard said he could have done better and he will do better.
Howard said he likes the smell of his farts. The smell worked its way over to the other guys. they said it was really smelly. Howard said it smells like kidney beans. Fred said it was pretty pungent. Howard said it's like rocket fuel.
Wipe Dry 3 Times Then Dab Wet... 05/24/05. 7:00am
Howard played a Richard Simmons song parody where they took audio clips of him saying he likes milky sauce and put them to the tune of ''Macho Man.'' They also had a gay Darth Vader porn bit they put together. They had Darth's voice mixed in with a gay porn clip. Howard took another phone call from a guy who told Howard he has been able to tame his hemorrhoids using Howard's wiping technique. Howard told the caller that Richard Christy gave him some baby wipes for his birthday and he uses them when he wipes. They work very well because they're so soothing. The caller said that the Howard Stern wiping method is using 2 dry wipes and then using some wet down toilet paper. Howard said it's actually 3 dry wipes and then dabbing wet toilet paper. He said when he's done wiping, his floor is sopping wet. The caller suggested that Howard have his sink and toilet close together over at the new studio. Artie suggested getting a bidet in there so he can use that instead. Howard said he doesn't know how to use one and he had a friend who burned his balls using one. The caller told Howard a story about how he had some bad ''bat wings'' recently and wondered how he can fix that. Howard didn't have a cure for that because he heard that using gold bond down there can cause problems. Richard Christy came in and asked Howard about the direction he goes when he wipes. Richard said he goes back to front and that's taboo from what he hears. Howard said he wipes dry from back to front but dabs with the wet paper from front to back. The two of them talked about that for a short time. Richard told Howard that he wasn't the one who gave him the Huggies wipes that he was talking about. Howard said it must have been one of the E! guys or someone else. He said he's kind of embarrassed that he has them in his apartment because his housekeeper found them and refilled the container one time.
Howard talked about how he farted last night and felt kind of uncomfortable after doing it. He said he had sex with her and wondered if he stunk the whole time. Then Beth walked out of the room and he farted a couple more times. She came back in the room and smelled them and wondered if it was him or the dog. Howard blamed it on the dog but she smelled turkey meat balls and knew it was his fart. Richard told Howard about how he used to find his father's underwear and it would have stains in them. He said they were dirty even after they were washed. They were pretty streaky and that taught him to be very thorough. Richard was also saying that he used to see his father on the toilet and he'd sit down while he was wiping. Richard said he has to stand up to get himself clean. Howard said he stands up when he's using the wet paper. Robin wondered why Richard was in the bathroom with his father. Richard said that they don't always lock doors in Kansas. Howard told Richard that he should bring his father on the show. Richard had some voice mail messages that Howard could play so he ran out and got a cart that Howard could play on the air. He came back in and played the clip where his father talked about the ''Deer Sticks'' that they were sending out to him. It was overnighted deer jerky according to Richard.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that baby wipes have a lot of chemicals in them. He suggested using Sphincterine which is his product. The guy said that they sell that stuff at Ricky's which is a place that Howard shops at. Howard said he knows the guys over there and he wouldn't ask for that stuff. The caller said that the chemicals in the baby wipes are no good for you. Howard said they should change the name of that stuff because it's not that pleasant. He had to take another break after that.
In the clip Howard asked Billy about a story he told about Ralph asking him to write him a stand-up act. Billy told Howard that it was a lie and he was just trying to mix things up. Howard said Billy told him that Ralph had gone to Vee (Violet) and asked her to ask him to write him something.
Ralph came in and asked why he would lie about him like that. Billy said the lying thing feels so good. Howard said he has a feeling Vee lied to Billy about it. Billy said she likes him so she has no reason to do that. Howard asked Billy why he feels so neglected to do something like that. Billy didn't have anything to say.
Howard said they were in there yesterday and Billy said to him that Ralph wanted to be a performer. He told him about the stand-up act thing. Howard said it wasn't a joke either. Howard said there was nothing funny about it at all. Stuttering John said he told them about his wife and he didn't say he was kidding.
Howard said Ralph had never mentioned it to him so it was kind of strange. Howard asked Billy what the truth is. Billy said he thought it might embarrass Ralph if he brought it up. He said the story is true. He said that's what his wife told him. Ralph said that's just not true. Billy said he thinks that Ralph wants to perform because he's aroudn it all the time.
Gary said that he Billy's wife must be feeling weird with Ralph. Jackie asked if Vee is making it up or covering up for Ralph. Howard said she must want to be part of this whole thing. Ralph said if he was going to go to anyone about an act he'd go to Howard. Ralph said he never went to Vee about this. Howard said maybe Billy's wife is getting weird. Jackie said he thought that Billy had started to lose it or something. He said he's glad it's Vee.
Howard had Vee on the phone. She said she never told Billy that he asked her for a stand-up act. Billy said that Ralph just asked her to get him to write some stuff for him. Vee said that it was twice. Ralph asked what she's talking about. Vee said Ralph should go for it and take advantage of the situation. Ralph said he has no idea what they're talking about.
Howard said he believes Ralph. Vee said she didn't remember the first time it happened. She said she didn't have a comeback for him that time. She said she should have the second time it happened. Ralph said they must be trying to make him nuts or something. Howard said he's not. Vee said the second time was when they were at Roselli's for Robin's book signing. She said there was no drugs or alcohol involved either. Vee said they were talking and Ralph asked her to get Billy to write him a few funny lines. Howard said he wishes that Billy would write something for him. Howard said he won't write anything for him. Vee said Billy contributes quite a bit so stop with that.
Ralph said he never asked anyone to write him anything. Vee said no one has ever approached her and asked her to do anything like that. Vee said she hates doing this. Ralph said he has no idea what she's talking about. Howard said he's not sure why she'd be so insulted by this. He said she could just tell him they could work something out. Vee said she felt that Ralph wanted Billy to do her a favor.
Howard said he's not sure why Ralph wouldn't ask Billy personally. Vee said maybe Ralph was joking around. She doesn't know.
Howard said he thinks he's done with this. He thanked Vee for calling in. Vee said she still really cares about Ralph. Billy asked her not to interface with Ralph anymore. Ralph said he still loves her. He said maybe he was joking around or something. He doesn't remember.
Howard said he's going to do this for Billy. He told Vee not to take this the wrong way. Howard said when they go on trips for the show they have a rule not to bring their wives. He said no one brings anyone other than Billy. Howard said it's usually a solo thing. He said Billy is too much of a pussy to tell his wife not to show up. He said Vee just shows up though. Howard asked Billy why he can't tell her to just stay home. Billy said he likes having her there. Howard said he likes her too but no wives come to these things. Howard said he likes Vee a lot but at these events they shouldn't be there.
Howard asked Vee why she has to go. Vee said she's a big fan of the show. Howard said she can listen on the air then. Vee said she's like a Wack Packer. Howard said she's not a Wack Packer to them. Howard said Billy doesn't want to lose her because it took him so long to get her. Howard said Billy should get laid twice before he leaves. Howard said he knows Vee wants to be there and really wants to go. Howard said Vee is Billy's manager and no one brings their manager with them. He said Billy is the only one. Howard said he brings his agent with him once in a while but he's the liaison between the show and the affiliates. Howard said Vee is just there hanging out and having fun. He said she doesn't need to be there.
Howard asked Billy if he said what he wanted him to. Jackie laughed. Howard asked if she wants to come in and sit next to Billy while he works. Vee said she has done that before. She said she doesn't need to do that.
Howard let Vee go and spent a minute talking about Billy's relationship with her. Howard said she's really hot and it took Billy a long time to get her so he doesn't want to risk losing her. Howard said Billy is the most pussy whipped guy he knows. Billy said ''Thank you.''
Ralph said he saw Billy get yelled at by Vee. He said he left a jacket or something and he didn't watch it so he got yelled at. Howard said she must be good in the sack to stick with her. Howard said he's sorry he missed the yelling match. He said that Jackie will yell at his wife if he has a few drinks in him. Howard said he called her the C-word once. Howard said Billy needs to drink Billy said he's right about that. Howard said Billy is off today. Howard told him to watch his wife's jacket next time. Then he asked why he was watching a jacket. Howard said Billy is the star. Billy said he was just hanging on to it for her. Howard asked someone to get Billy a drink. They went to break after that.
In the clip Howard played a bit they created about Gary and his bad guest booking skills. They had clips from the show where he booked Madonna's Sister, a fake Joe Pesci and others.
In the clip Howard was talking about the mystery guest they had in and the guest was barking on the microphone. Howard said they had to give a clue there. Robin gave out some clues and then Howard took some calls. The callers tried to guess who it was. It took a few tries before someone finally figured out it was Cloris Leachman.
Howard was embarrassed that it took so long for his audience to figure out who it was. Cloris was still barking so Howard told her she could stop that now that someone guessed who she was. Cloris said she thinks that people just didn't get the relation between her and Mary Tyler Moore.
Howard talked to Cloris about working with Valerie Harper and how thin she's gotten lately. Howard said he thinks she got too thin. Howard said she should put on a few pounds. He said he thinks she took things too far when she met her husband the exercise guru.
Howard asked Cloris if she saw him on Letterman on Monday night. Cloris said she was out of the country. Howard said he thinks Ms. Leachman likes him. She told him to call her Cloris.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she loves Cloris and watches her on TV every night. Howard said they do play Mary Tyler Moore reruns a lot. He said he can't get a job on TV because they have so many replays. Howard said that's Grant Tinker's fault.
Howard talked to Cloris about what she's up to. She said she's playing Lucifer in a show and Mary Tyler Moore is in that with her. She said they have a lot of kids dancing in it and they have the police and SWAT team from New York in it too. Howard wrapped up with her a short time later.
In the clip Howard was talking about how he spent his Friday nights watching TV instead of being with girls. He said he would watch Carol Burnett and play cards with his friends. He said it was cards and TV for them. He said he was a dweeb himself so he had to hook up with the same kind of guys. Howard said they never got girls. Robin said they were like Beavis and Butt-Head. Howard said they were worse than them.
Robin said she thinks that Howard would love the movie Dazed and Confused. Howard said that's him. Howard said he knows where some of the guys are now. He should have a card reunion. He said at least he had something to do those nights. He said it was always cards even when they got their licenses. Gary said that's what they do in ''Can't Buy Me Love'' which is Howard's favorite movie.
Howard said they would sit around talking about girls. He said it wasn't much different than this show actually. Howard said the girls didn't even know who he was. Howard said most of the girls married truck drivers out of high school and now they're all divorced. He said that's what he likes to hear.
Howard interrupted his story so he could fart into the microphone. Howard got an 8.5 from Jackie. Robin gave it a 6. Fred gave it a 7. Billy gave him a 5.0. Jackie said he'd give him a 10 if he had an accident. Billy said he has to give him a higher score because the stealth of it just got over to him.
Howard said he and his buddies would play cards. It was like 5 guys just sitting around. Billy started crying from the fumes of Howard's fart. Howard said he loves that smell.
Howard got back to the story and said that the fear was that one of the guys would get a girl and drop out of the club. Howard said that never happened for him. He said he would have loved to have had a date just once. He said all of the dweebs even hated him. He said they just needed a guy to play cards with.
Howard said he hung aroudn with these guys and the big discussion was about what kind of food to order in. He said they smoked and once in a while they'd drink. Howard said the pizza would come and he'd be there bashing his head against the wall. He said college wasn't much better.
Jackie said Howard was popular at camp though. Howard said that was just 6 weeks a year. He said he was a different man at camp. Howard said they were white people and when he was around them it was different. He said that Rockville Centre was a weird place. He said he'd go away to camp and his mom would make him wear Chinos to school. He wasn't allowed to wear jeans.
Howard said he and his buddies would go to other schools and try to find girls. He said he did get lucky once but it didn't happen often. Howard said there was a girl in Baldwin who thought he was a hunk. He said it was the girl who ended up crying when he tried to have sex with her. Howard said it was the second girl he had sex with. He said he made love to her to the song ''Down by the River.'' Howard said he had prepared for this and he thought that he had taken care of himself before. He said he masturbated twice after school. He thought that would take the edge off. Howard said the second he did the act he explodes. Howard said the girl told him that she didn't want to make love but he had already finished. He said she may not have even realized it.
Howard said he asked the girl to help guide him. He said she didn't get why he needed that. Howard said he technically did it and got in there. Howard said that's how much of a loser he was. Howard said the girl cried and called her boyfriend. He said she was a piece of ass. He said there must have been hallucinogens in the drinks at the party.
Howard said he was in this Jewish group called the AZA. He said he joined it and went to a party and it had the ugliest girls he'd ever seen. Howard said the party would be in Queens in the basement of a row house. He said you'd go down there and none of the girls would talk to him. He wasn't even able to score with those girls. He said it was pathetic. Howard said Billy is laughing but he's sure he never got girls like that before he got on radio.
Various Phone Calls. 05/24/04. 7:40am
After the break Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said he had a crush on Wendy the Retard. He said he hasn't been able to sleep lately because of the crush he has on her. Howard said he thinks Wendy is way better looking than Erik is and she deserves better. Erik asked if Howard could have them married on the show. Howard said he would marry them on the show but Erik hasn't even asked her to marry him yet. He doesn't even have her phone number. Erik said that he never had the chance to ask him for her number. He was too busy with his tongue down her throat.
High Pitch seems to think that her mother would let her get married to him if he asked. Howard said he'd let Wendy know about that when she calls in again. He told Gary to see if he could make that happen.
Howard took some more phone calls after that. One guy said that Erik should leave Wendy alone because we all know that he wants KC, not Wendy. Another caller said he went to see Jackie Mason down in Atlantic City over the weekend and he mentioned Howard's name a few times during his act. They spent a couple of minutes on that and then moved on to some other stuff.
In the clip Howard was talking about how he created the wacky radio show format. Howard said he sent this tape to his dad and his dad basically told him he sucks. Howard said his dad told him to learn how to straight announce and get out of doing that kind of stuff. Howard said he hopes his dad makes that up to him when he leaves him something in his will.
Howard had Corey Hart in the studio and told him about his dad's recording studio Aura Recording. Howard told Corey about what his dad did there.
Howard said he had Corey Hart in there and he's Mr. Sunglasses At Night. Howard and the guys were all clapping for him and Corey said he likes that. Corey said he just came in from Canada for the show. Howard tried singing some of his song but he didn't know the whole song. Howard asked Corey to sing with him. Corey said he doesn't usually sing.
Howard asked how he came up with that song. He said there was a stroke of genius there. Howard asked how old he is. Corey said he'll be 23 on the 31st. Howard said that song shows brilliance. He said it shows the same kind of brilliance he showed in 1975. Corey said he didn't send his recordings to his dad. He said he knew he wouldn't like it.
Howard asked how that song came to him. Corey said that he went to London to record the album and he had written it. Corey said he just had this idea of sunglasses while he was walking around. He said the song just came to him. Robin asked if he can read music. Corey said he can't. Howard said he must have made a lot of money with the song. Corey said he actually didn't. He said he had to put the money back into touring and things like that.
Howard asked Corey if he ever saw any money from the song. Corey said he didn't. Howard said he should have made some money. Howard asked what record company he's with. Corey said they're brilliant. He said they're EMI America. Howard said they're a bunch of scum bags and thieves. Corey said they're actually great.
Howard said Corey is a very nice looking guy. He said if he was gay he'd sleep with him. Howard said he almost went to work in Canada at CHOM. He said he didn't want to work up there. He said he wanted to be paid in American dollars, not in Canadian dollars. Howard said they're very mellow people up there though so he does like them. Howard said he likes Corey too.
Howard said Corey has an earring and he's thinking about getting one too. Howard asked if he's the earring type. Corey said he might be too conservative looking. Howard asked how he gets his hair so spikey. Corey said his girlfriend helps him out with that. Howard said his hair is one of those things that takes a lot of work to do. He said he acts like he doesn't care but he really does.
Howard asked if they had the new song from Corey. Gary said they do have an advance copy. Howard said he had to take a break first.
After the edited out break Howard talked to Corey about not making money off his single. He asked he record company guy, Howard, what was going on there. Howard said that Corey should have made some big money from that hit song. Record company Howard didn't have anything to add.
Howard asked Corey if he does coke or anything like that. Corey said he doesn't. Howard said he did LSD when he was younger.
Howard said Corey raised some money for ''We Are the World.'' He told him he should be raising money for himself before he does that.
Howard asked about the new song he has out. Corey said it's called ''Never Surrender.'' Howard played some of the song and said he likes what he's hearing. He said it sounds very pop. He said he had a very strong opening but it should build. Corey said it builds after one more line. They went through more of the song and talked over most of it. Howard said he likes the song. He said he's not jiving him there. He said he really does like it.
Howard had Fred get a guitar to play so he could sing ''Sunglasses at Night.'' Fred played and Howard sang the song. He didn't get it quite right. Robin tried to help. Corey said he was impressed with Fred's guitar playing.
Howard said Corey was wearing a lock on his wrist. Corey said it was given to him by a fan. Howard wrapped up with him and told him to come back sometime.
In the clip Howard said he wanted to talk to Mrs. Gingrich. Billy West was doing his impression of an old woman who smokes a lot. Howard read an article about how Connie Chung was given $2 million a year as a news reporter. Howard said Connie got fired so that must make Mrs. Gingrich feel better. Mrs. Gingrich told Howard that she was dishonest and you can tell an honest person by how they open their eyes. He said that one was sneaky. Mrs. Gingrich said she said some things about Hillary Clinton and she thought she was off camera when she said them.
Howard said Mrs. Gingrich was a fan of Connie's until this happened. Mrs. Gingrich said that she never thought that her son would become Speaker of the House. She said she thought he'd be waxing cars. Howard and Robin asked Mrs. Gingrich a few more questions about her son. Howard asked if she was excited getting interviewed about her own son. She said she was but she had no idea how she was going to treat her. She said she has a big old yelling thing to hock down her throat.
Mrs. Gingrich was talking about how she has a speaker of the house as a son and a bull dyke as a daughter. She said that she's a moss mumbler. She told Howard to keep her away from her.
Robin asked how she felt when Newt dumped his first wife. Mrs. Gingrich said she had it coming. Howard asked if she felt it was wrong to do that. Mrs. Gingrich said she loves her son and he has to do what he has to do.
Mrs. Gingrich told Howard some other things about her son not thinking they were on the air. Howard said he had to take a break a short time later.
Ronnie Locked Out Of Scott's Studio. 05/24/11. 7:05am
After the break we heard a Kidd Chris prank call to George Takei where Chris was pretending to be Ricardo Montalban. Fred also played Kidd Chris' ''Sulu Dance'' song and The Rolling Stones ''Beast of Burden'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said he heard that Scott the Engineer was offended by what Ronnie had to say about him on Wrap Up yesterday. Ronnie usually sits in his studio but not today. he's been locked out. Robin said doing businesses with Scott must be a dream. She said she spoke to Shuli yesterday about how they have other gigs but only if they can get Scott the money he wants.
Howard asked Ronnie what's going on. Ronnie said he went in there and asked why the door was locked. He said Scott told him there's a lot of noise in the hall today. Ronnie said he asked what he was talking about. He said he's supposed to be his friend and the only one in the whole place. He said that he hasn't said anything new. Gary said he thinks that he was upset about what he said about him not being nice to people at the Meet and Greet and about him not wanting to be there. Howard said the guy is pissed at Ronnie. Ronnie said he doesn't care.
Robin asked if he's going to be mad at him for the next 5 years. Ronnie said it doesn't matter. He said he's acting like a little kid now. Howard said he loves it.
Scott came in and said that he didn't lock the door. He said he had a lot of noise in the hall and that's why he closed it. He said he heard from some people who were telling him that he took a big beating yesterday. He said that Ronnie took a beating too. He said he didn't bad mouth Ronnie at all. He said that they went there to entertain the people and that's what he thought they did. Scott said he's annoyed at a lot of people, not just Ronnie. Scott said that he's the only one who got trashed.
Scott said he called the club asking who he had to deal with. He said when he got there he asked for food since he had traveled during dinner time. He said he would have paid for it but he wanted to eat. He said the guy said fine but it took an hour and a half to get the food. He said they let the people into the Meet and Greet and he was eating and meeting and greeting at the same time. He said he wasn't rude.
Howard said his feelings seem to be hurt. He shut the door so Ronnie couldn't be in there. Ronnie said he shuts it when he goes into one of his baby moods. Howard said that's kind of what he was after. Robin said he wasn't upset until he went home and people told him how bad his beating was.
Howard asked Scott if he's going to keep the door shut for weeks. Scott said it wasn't locked. He said he they said what they wanted to say about him on the air yesterday. Howard said he loves it when it's awkward because more work gets done around there. Scott said he was an asshole for asking for food and all of that stuff.
Howard asked where they are at right now. Scott said if that's the way they want to treat him then he's just going to do his work and close his door. Howard asked if he's going to do more shows. Scott said he's not if they're going to rip him a new a-hole every time. Scott said he put in some time working on the show. He said he wanted to entertain people.
Ronnie said he catches shit there all the time but he might get a little mad. He said he doesn't lock anyone out. Scott said if Ronnie is his only friend there then he doesn't have any friends. Ronnie asked Scott why he doesn't lock Howard out. Howard said he's locked out too but he doesn't want to go in there anyway.
Scott said Ronnie and the guys were busting his balls about when he left and things like that. He said it wasn't fair because he stuck around and there were no people left in the club when he left. Ronnie said they give each other advice all the time and now Scott is upset with him for joking around a little bit.
Howard asked Ronnie if he fucked up his gig by playing sound effects. Ronnie said he didn't care about that. Ronnie said he gets his balls busted constantly there.
Robin asked if they had said Scott was wonderful and nothing happened then no one would want to see him in the future. Howard asked if he's going to keep the door shut all day. Scott said he might. He said he's done that before. Ronnie said he only does it when he doesn't want to be bothered by the camera guys or when people want to go in and watch the show on the monitors. Ronnie said none of that is going on and this is the way for him to retaliate on him.
Ronnie said he'll just shut his mouth to Scott and not talk to him. Howard said the two of them are always talking to each other and Ronnie really is Scott's only friend. He said it's bad luck to go into that studio anyway.
Howard said Gary told him about how Scott talks about them behind their backs. Howard said he's like a woman. Howard asked Gary what the garage guy said Scott told them. Scott said he hasn't parked in that garage in 3 months. Gary said he knows.
Gary said that Scott used to park in the garage and the garage guy would tell him what Scott said about them. He said that Scott was telling them that they're cheap and they don't give him a raise and all of this other stuff. He said he was just trying to get out of his car and the garage guy was telling him all of this stuff. He said that he told him that stuff like 5 times. Scott said he didn't bitch about Howard. Gary said he did too. He said that he told the garage guy that Howard is cheap and doesn't help him out.
Howard said he went to bat for Scott at K-Rock and kept him working for him. He said that he put his job on the line for the guy and this is how he treats him. He said he told them that he would leave if they got rid of Scott. He said he wasn't in the position to boss anyone around. Scott said he likes working there and he would have gone somewhere else if he didn't like it there.
Gary said Scott talks a lot and he has to hear about it. Scott said he's been threatened about having his pass cut off so he can't get back in the building. Howard said it's not cool to bitch to the garage guy. Scott said he had to leave that garage because he can't afford that place. Ronnie said that he told him he could get him in a cheap place but Scott didn't want to walk that far. He said he did it for Will and he'd do it for Scott but it was too far to walk. Scott said it was in a bad neighborhood. He said the garage is on 9th and 43rd and he'd have to walk through Times Square.
Howard said he doesn't want Ronnie in Scott's studio anyway. He said he doesn't want them wasting time there. Scott said there is no yentaing going on. Ronnie said he only talks to him when he's done doing what he does. Howard said he's never done. He said he wants that door shut from now on. He said he prefers that. Howard said he wants Scott working.
Chuck Zito Show Clips. 05/24/11. 7:30am
Howard said Chuck Zito was all confused by Ronnie. Howard said some guy called into his show about Ronnie. Howard played a clip of the show where the caller asked Chuck what he thinks about Ronnie talking about what it would be like to have a vagina for a day. Ronnie said he just wanted to know what it would be like to have an orgasm with a vagina. Howard said even Chuck was confused by that. Howard played more of the clip and Chuck didn't know what the guy was talking about. Chuck said it was fucked up when he heard the explanation from the caller. Chuck said Howard should have a talk with him about that.
Howard said Chuck doesn't understand and wants him to talk to him but he's not going to do that. Howard said Chuck is great on that show. He said that he has all kinds of stories to tell about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Chuck said he was out to dinner with him just the night before the shit broke loose with the maid. Chuck said he has to ask Arnold what he's thinking banging that chick who looks like a dude with a wig on.
In another clip Chuck told a story about how he was doing security with Charlie Sheen and he told him to do his own thing and not have anyone else up on stage. He said he changed up his act thanks to him. He said the guy had no act. Chuck said it was pretty wild.
Howard said Jeffrey Ross was supposed to roast Charlie at one show but Chuck had to fill in for him when Jeff didn't show up. Howard played that clip where Chuck talked about using Jeff's material and reading his notes while he was filling in for Jeff. Chuck told some of the jokes that he was telling that night. He said there were about 5,000 people there that night too.
Howard said maybe Chuck can fix the show that Ronnie and Scott do. Ronnie and Scott got back to their little fight. Howard told Scott not to bad mouth him to the garage guy. Scott said he's not bad mouthing him. He said it must have been a particularly bad day though. Howard thanked Scott and let him leave. That led to Fred playing Crackhead Bob singing ''Had a Bad Day'' as they were wrapping up. Howard said that poor wall has to go listen to Scott now. They went to break after that.
In the clip Howard was talking about the eternal flame at the Kennedy grave. He said maybe they could get one of those light bulbs that looks like a flame instead of having an actual flame.
Howard and the guys were talking about why she was buried there and Kennedy's other wife wasn't. Robin explained what they said the reason was for them being buried together. His whole family has ended up there in the same location.
Howard said he'd like to know why Darryl Hanna wasn't at the funeral. Howard said he tuned in to see her. Robin said maybe she was busy roller blading. Howard and Fred did their Kennedy impressions and said that maybe if they bury Ted there they can use his breath for the eternal flame. Howard said he'd probably burn for a hundred years.
Howard said he likes the people who stand outside the building where Jackie lived. Howard said she's dead so he's not sure why they stare into her window. Howard said maybe they could throw her out the window to the crowd. Robin said she looked up and she saw a woman in a window cleaning an apartment.
Jackie said it would be funny if you went in and dressed up like her and fooled the people into thinking she was there.
Robin said she heard they invited people who worked on her at the hospital to the funeral. Howard said Ted Kennedy had his young wife next to him. He said it makes his white hair make him look even older. Howard said he thinks that the broad is there for balance. Howard said she's like a human walker.
Gary said that some fans are worked up over the way he's been treating Jackie O. Howard picked up on one woman who was upset about how that era is gone now. The woman said that Jackie O held the country together for 4 days after her husband was killed. Howard said Jackie O's agenda was to fix up the White House. That doesn't do anything for anyone. Howard said she didn't hold the country together. He said we had a president. He said we had LBJ. The caller said that he was an idiot. The woman said that Howard is always making fun of her president and that's just not something you should do. Howard said he's going to keep making fun of John John. He said he's busy roller blading and hanging out with that Darryl Hanna. Howard said he's just talking honestly. The caller said there are people who liked the woman. Howard said he liked her.
Howard asked the woman who would ever be with a woman with a voice like that. She said she was married and he died. She asked him not to make a joke about that. Howard said maybe he poked his own ears out after hearing that voice. The woman told him he was a jerk off and a hard on and then hung up on him.
Billy did an impression of the woman and goofed on her for a minute. Howard kept goofing on her too. Howard and Billy had some fun with that for a short time. Billy had Howard cracking up with his impression. Howard said he'd kill himself if he was married to that woman. He said he feels bad for the guy who was married to her. He said he had to die at an early age. Billy was joking about how she just swallowed a midget. He called Howard a jerk off like the caller did. Howard said he really has to take a break. He spent another minute goofing on the caller and how awful she sounded. Howard said she said her husband was a great guy but he was probably 2 weeks from leaving her. They wrapped up after that.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:50am.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 11:25am.